Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1888-03-14
ODD EXPRESSIONS.
An Amusing Collection OF Verbal Bulls and
Blundprs.


Curious ways of expressing ideas in
English may be expected from foreign
ers, as, for instance, when the French
man, who paid call in this country
and was about to be introduced to a
family, said: ''Ah, re ladies'! Zen [
would before, if you please, Wish to pur-
ify mine hands and to sweep mine
hair!'
But the various nationalities Of the
British isles are sometimes not q whit
behind in verbal bulls and plumbers and
in what may generally be described as
odd ways of putting things. 1t is said
that when Constable's aunt was dying
the good, deaf old lady said: canine,
if ! should be spared to be taken away
1 hope my nephew will get the doctor
to open my head and see if any thing
can be done for my hearing"
A Scotch publican was complaining
of his servant-maid that she could never
be found when required: She'll gang
DOT O. the house." said he, ''twenty
times for once she'll come in
A Welsh landlord who for some time
had been annoyed by an obstreperous
guest, walked across the room to him
and striking the table with his fist,
shouted very volubly: You hat kick
up row all day ere tonight We was
not interfere with you, do we? Fiery
man here mind his own piziness; yes,
! by Jink, no"
ho hno .l,all y~oH ~
thus accOsted passeSr-bv: ''Sir, would
you please give me a little money to
buy bit Of bread for Pm so dreadfully
thirsty thatI don't know where | am to
get nights lodging?"
The same may be said of a country
yokel who went to the menagerie to
examine the wild beasts. Several gen
tleman expressed the opinion that the
orange-outang was lower order of the
human species. Hodge did not like
this idea, and striding up to the gentle
man expressed his contempt for it IN
these words: Pooh! he's no more of
the human species than De-"
Mamma, is that D spoiled child?'
asked little boy on seeing a negro
baby for the first time.
An amusing announcement was issued
by a corn-cutter from Leige: ''They
extarct the corns yidout the litest pain.
Cut males, deformed witch spreds in the
feisch-by new methode vidout pain.
They spokes French Anglish Italien,
Spanitch, Portuguese, Dutch and Gar
man vid equal huency and rites dem. +"
Over bridge in Georgia is the fol-
lowing: ANY person driving over this
bridge in pace faster than a walk
shall, if white man, Defined five dol
lars, and if a negro receive twenty-five
lashes, half the penalty to be bestowed
on the informer."
In small town near Avignon the
houses in the suburbs became flooded
up to the level of the first floor, An
enterprising resident distributed among
his neighbors the following card: IN.
! Brochet. professor Of swimming, is
prepared to give lessons at the pupils
residence" The professor may be
said to have taken fortune at the flood,
A shop exhibits a card warning
every body against INSCRIPTIONS per-
sons ''who infringe our title to deceive
the public" We are afraid the shop
man does not say quite what he means
any more than the proprietor of an eat
ing-house near the docks. on the door
! of which may be read the following
! announcement. conveying fearful in
! telligence to the gallant tars who fire.
/ quent this port: Sailors vitals cooked
here
A clearinghouse keeper announces
! in one of the newspapers that he has a
cottage to let containing eight rooms
and an acre of land. A dealerin cheap
shoes was equally ambiguous when he
counseled in enc of his advertisements:
s.Ladies wishing these cheap shoes will
do we'll to call soon, as they will not
last long" The same may be said OF
the following: This hotel will be kept
bv the widow of the former landlord.
who died last summer on new and
improved plan
A Scottish blacksmith, being asked
the meaning of metaphysics, replied:
'.When the party wha listens disna ken
what the party wha speaks disna ken
what he means himser-that' meta
pheesics.
Perhaps as odd way of putting
things as any of the foregoing exam
pies was furnished by a little Partisan
mendicant, who, following a gentle
man, said: Monsieur, give me just
penny; Tn an orphan by birth, "
The definition was worth ten centimes
to her.-Lonl0n Spectator.
Cremate Your Love Letters.