davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
An Abundance of Glasses.

Some forms which human eccentricity
takes are decidedly amusing and instruc-
tive, too. 1: is somewhat rare, however,
to find mental eccentricity combined
with and welded to physical infrmity.
There is au cd gentleman in this city,
who, at the age of seventy-fve, rcioices
in remarkably good eycsight, which is,
however. subject to the weakness of age.
It's peculiar that, although he CAN see
clearly enough TO read his newspaper
without any kind of artificial aid in the
early morning, as the day wears on he
needs increasingly stronger assistance
from his glasses. Instead, however, of
having a properly graded series of
lenses, he is satisfied at s a. m. with
none,, at 10 a. m. with pair of pin
cencz, at noon second pair placed in
front of these, at 2 p. m. third pair are
fixed on the nose and held by long arms
over the ears. at p. m. another pair are
added and held in place by ribbon sur
rounding the head, and when the gas is
lighted the old gentlman quietly holds
another pair of 'nippers" before the rest
to enable him to glance over the "latest
quotations" in the evening papers,
New York Press. -
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
Breaking Bad News.

They are telling story on a well
known and now wealthy Irishman of this
city, which, it is said, happened before
he was either so wealthy or so well
known. Judge McCarty, so the story
goes, had been killed by an accident,
and the problem was how to break the
news to his wife. The Irishman in ques-
ton volunteered to break the news so
gently that it would not jar on the most
sensitive feelings. Putting the body in
wagon he started for Mrs. McCarty's
res dence.
"Does the Widow McCarty live here ~
he asked significantly.
"She does not" said Mrs. McCarty.
"But indade she does. The Wulo,o
McCarty does live here" he insisted,
with more significance and greater EN-.
phasis on the ''widow."
But she does not" replied Mrs. Nc
Carly.
Disguised at her lack OF perspicuity
the bearer Of the bad news asked in dis
spair:
"An' faith, does Judge McCarty live
here ?"
"He does"
"Well, Ill bet yez tin dollars he does
not"
"But ne does, insisted Mrs. Nc cCarty.
"But he docs not" insisted Pat. "Ill
bet yez tin dollars he does not" and then,
IN utter despair he added: "for I've got
his corpse in the wagon, and foiner
wone was niver seen at wake. "-fansas
City Times.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
The Russian Banking System.

The cashier in Russian bank is not a
person of as much importance as the
man who has similar title in an Ameri-
can bank. He simply looks after the
cash, is sort of paying and receiving
teller combined, and his room is entirely
distinct from the rest of the bank. He
enters his cage at the opening of office
hours, and does not leave it till the bank
closes Bank cashiers and cashiers for
the larger stores and business houses are
not employed directly by the banker or
merchant, but arc furnished by the Artel,
a sort of guaranty society, from its list
of members. The bank applies to the
director of the Artcl for cashier, and a
man is sent him. Sometimes he has a
different man this week or this month
from what he had last. He has no option
in the matter except where he applies for
a particular person and is assigned him.
The guaranty or trust company becomes
responsible for the honesty and the ac-
curacy of the cashier, whose wages are
paid to the company ard not to the man.
But while he is in the ank he is the
master Of its funds. The president him
self, or the sole proprietor, cannot get at
the cash box nor the vaults as long US he
is patron of the so"iety. Every dollar
that is paid into the bank goes into the
cage, and not dollar can be taken out
without a check, which the cashier
keeps as his voucher. He issues certiti-
Gates of deposit to the depositor and a
duplicate to the bank from which the
books are posted. The owner of the in
stitution can find out from his books
what is in the vaults, but he cannot count
it until the trust company is relieved OF
responsibility. Chicago Neus.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
A Lesson in Etiquette.

"Melissy," said a Dodge City woman
to her daughter, 81 ben readin' that
book on etiketty that your paw went an
fooled dollar an half fer on the train
that time he went to Topeeky."
"Hev2'
eyes, hev; an it says that when a
girps ingaged to feller they should con-
duct themselves in public with the same
reserve and dignity as if they war'n't
ingaged."
"Well:"
"Well, then. you an Hi Dagget air
maxim plumb fools O. yerselves."
"Haow2"
"Why, at the party at Bill Hob
sons las night when Hi come in you
stuck out yer foot a-purpose, an tripped
Hi up, iist fer joke, an Hi he up
an chased you three times around tn
house, an ketched you, an kissed you
three times, before ev'rybody. Ev'ry-
body'll know you're ingaged, if you
carry on that-a-way; an it amt etiketty.
The book says so."-Tid-Bhs.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
Willing to Oblige Him.

7 The young man had asked him for the
hand OF his daughter, and pang wrung
the fatherly heart of Mr.. Kajones as he
looked at the youth for some moments in
silence and thought of the bitterness Of
parting with his we'll beloved child.
~ suppose, Oliver" he said at last,
sit is only natural and right that wheE
the young birds become Old enough to
fly they should leave their parental nest
and 60 off with their chosen mates to
build nests Of their own, and yet it
hurts, Oliver; it hurts when l think of
one of my iedgeiings getting ready to
fly away"
This seems to be good sized nest, :"
suggested the young man, anxious to
soften the blow; ''perhaps you'd rather
have me and Alvira stay right here."-
Chicago TrSbune.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
Fashions in Funerals.

The New York Commercial Aduertiser
closes an article on the cemeteries in this
city's vicinity as follows: The fashion
in funerals now, according to all the
cemetery authorities, is to have the ser.
vices in the evening or afternoon, and
the interment early the next morning.
Flowers and lavish displays are going
out of date. Side-hill vaults are also
being discontinued, and the style is to
build mausoleums entirely above ground.
Up at Woodlawn, where all the officials
and employees wear black uniforms, and
the shovel handles even are painted
black, they have an improvement
now in the form of an awning that is
stretched for the benefit of poor or rich
attendants at funerals to protect from
sun, rain, or snow, and the ground is
covered with mating beneath it. For
the sake of avoiding the distressing
sound of the first clods upon the coffin
lids; they also use here long handled
scoop shovels, with which the earth is
first laid in to the depth of about foot.
This is improved upon by the appliance
in use at Maple Grove cemetery, which
was the invention of al intelligent Irish
grave digger, and has elected encom-
iums from every one who has since seen
it. A stout canvas stretched tightly
between two poles is run from one end
of the grave at the top to the other end
at the bottom, after the coffin is lowered.
Upon it as an inclined plane the earth is
shoveled, and the canvas is gradually
pulled forward more vertically until the
casket is completely covered.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
The Real Calf.

! Quaker wit is not aggressive, but one
who is rash enough to scratch Quaker
generally finds wag-to his cost.
. An old Quaker went into bookstore,
and an impertinent salesman, wishing to
have some sport at his expense, said to
him, "You are from the country, aren't
you 2" Eyes" quickly answered the
Quaker. "Ihen here's just the thing
for you," responded the clerk, holding
I'D book. ''What is it ?" asked the
Quaker. "It's an essay on the rearing
OF calves" Friend" said the Quaker,
'thee had better present that to thy
mother! !"-Gcol Cheer.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
On the Santa Fe Trail.

HospitabIe Native, producing flask
'Irrigate {"
Temperate Tenderfoot-"No."
H. N, producing pipe-'Fumigate ~
T. T.-''No."
II. N, producing Navy plug-"Masti-
cate2'
T. THO"
Disguised Native, uncoiling mule
whip-"Castigate z"
Timid Tenderfoot, fying-"Evac-
uatem
Wrathful Native, pulling iron-"Per-
forate !"-Burdette.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
A Fatal Delay.

] The young man had been trying to
tell her how madly he loved her for over
an hour, but couldn't pluck up the
courage.
Excuse me moment, Mr.. Featherly,"
she said, II think I hear ring at the
telephone" And in her queenly way she
swept into an adjoining room.
Presently she returned and then his
mad passion found voice.
>. II am sorry, MIR. Featherly," she said,
.''to cause you pain, but I am already
engaged. Mr.. Sampson, learning that
you were here, has urged his suit through
the telephone. ."-Epock.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
Female Suffrage in Kansas.

! First Kansas Womau-"Were you at
the polls yesterday, Minnie?"
Second Kansas Woman-"Oh, yes, /
was out at the dear little polls. Isn't it
Just too nice to voteW
How did you votep'
J "Really, dear, don't remember"
e "Well, you remember that they had
two kinds of tickets, white and red9"
"Oh, I remember now. 1t was the
lovely little red ticket that I put on the
Dolls.n 80.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
Rebukcd.

"Well, BERTHE, dear, were you good
boy at school to-day?' asked kaIama-
ZOO mother of her son of ten years. . .
"You can iist bet I was" replied
Rerte. "Thc boy that's perfect in our
room for a month is going to get a prl<e
and I'm going to freeze onto it myself. !"
"Bertic," cried his shocked parent, Il
want you to s'op using those vulgar slang
words and phrases. Where you catch
on to all of them is mystery to me.
Every other word you say is slang eS-
preston, and 1 want You to drop it, sir,
Talk about freezing On to thing!
What you giving US, Loys? Do you eX-
pcct me to tumble to any such vulgarity
as that? Not if l know myself: 1 don't;
Now you light out, and let it be a cold
day before I hear any more such talk
from you, and don't you forget it,
Detroit Free Press.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
RHEUMATISM.

rhe Case Stated.-Jan'y 18th, 1888. Messrs
George c. Osgood & Co., druggists, Lowell,
Mass, wrote to the undersigned as follows
"Mr. Lewis Dennis, No. 136 Moody street.
wishes to recommend st. Jacobs Oil, and
desires especially to say that:
"ORIN ROBINSON, of Granville, Mass, q
boy of IL years, came to his house in the
summer Of 1881 walking on crutches, his
left leg being bent at the knee for over two
months, and could not be bent back. Mr..
Dennis had some st. Jacobs Oil in the house.
and gave it to him to rub on his knee. In
six days lie had no use for his crutches, and
went home we'll without them, as he hH
been ever since"
corroboratIvs and Conclusive Testimony.
Lowell, Mass, July 8, 1SS7.-Gentlemen
Mr.. Lewis Dennis has just called upon me,
and informs me that the boy Orin Robinson,
who was q poor cripple on crutches, and
was cured by st. Jacobs Oil i'll 1881; the
cure has remained permanent. The young
man has been and is now at work OF manual
labor; the case certainly proves the efficacy OF
St. Jacobs Oil.-Dr. GEO. C.'OseooD, III. D.
Sold BY Dr,logiss and Dealers EterJt0here.
THE CHARLES A. voGELER CO.. Baltimore. Nd.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
BOokishneSS.

Lieutenant Boxer-'I'm ordered to
Morocco, Miss Elson. We're likely to
have trouble there, you know"
Miss Elson-"You must be careful not
to get captured"
Lieutenant Boxer-''l'll try not to-"
Miss Elson-'I would. Just think
how ridiculous you'd look bound in
Morocco. ."-Iid-BitS.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
The European Situation.

Foreign Prem 'er-''Your Majesty, the
people are grumbling about the military
taxes"
The -"What children the people
are! They ought to know that the army
cannot live on less than it does"
r They know that, sire, but they say
the army can be reduced. They want 1t
reduced one. half, if not more"
:'Very well. Declare war;"
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
The Hnndsomest Lady in Town

Remarked to friend the other day that she
knew kemp's Balsam for the Throat and
Lungs was superior remedy, as it stopped her
cough instantly when other remedies had no
effect whatever. So to prove this and con-
vince you of its merit, any druggist will give
you Sample Bottle Free. Large bottles 80
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
Delights in IniQuities.

Mrs. Greenapple was exhibiting her
daughters collection of curios, and was
dilating thereupon with maternal pride.
"They are certainly very interesting" s"
observed Colonel Mooney. ''Some of
them appear to be exceedingly rare"
81 should think so," smirked the old
lady. II can assure you that Gertie de-
fights in iniquities!'
And then there was q sudden silence,
and the Colonel was just about to vamp
up few new and original remarks about
the weather when harmony was restored
by the explanation of the younger Green
apple:
':Mamma means antiquities !'-Neso
Yerk Mertury.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28

1t would take, according to calcula-
tions, G,34O, 900 years to transport the
whole of the solid land down to the sea.
Should the whole of the solid land be
reduced to one level under the ocean,
then the surface Of the earth would be
covered by an ocean with uniform depth
of about two miles.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
An Expert Stock Waterer.

Jay Gould-'aIustapha, what is the
price of your camels:'
Mustapha - "Twenty-fve dollars
apiece, your serene richness. 1cou.dn't
lake cent less, bism;llah"
J. G.-"Cheap enough. Ship me
two to New York by the first vessel.
Figs! Inever in my life saw stock absorb
water so magnifcently as those camels
ao"-S,1iaqfeld Union.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
Itching Piles.

Symptoms Moisture; intense itching ami
stinging; worse by scratching. II allowed to
continue tumors form, which often bleed and
ulcerate, becom ng very sore. SwAYNE's OiNT-
ceration, and in many cases removes the tu-
mors Equally eficacioGs in curing all skin
Diseases. DIR. SWAYNE 4 son, Phi .adelphia.
Sent by mail for so cts. Also sold by druggists.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28

There is no question about it-blood will tell
especially if it be al impure blood. Blotches,
eruptions, pimples and boils, are all symptoms
of an impure blood, due to the improper ac ion
of the liver. When this important organ fails
to properly perform its function Of purifying
and cleansing the blood,impurities are carried
to all parts Of the system, and the symptoms
above referred to are merely evidences Of the
germs. Unless her warning be needed in time,
Serious results are certain to follow, culminat-
ing in liver or kidney disorders, or even in con-
sumption. DR.. Pierce's Golden Medical Dis
covery will prevent and cure these diseases, by
restoring the liver to q healthy condition.
nance @ raising the license for practising faith
cure to $500.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
A Combine.

Time-leap year. Scene-atete tete.
Lady Angela-''What, can you tell me,
IRE these trusts one reads so much
about lately2"
Adolphus-"A 'trus;' is combination
for mutual advantage, so to speak"
Angela (confusedly)-"Adolphus-er r
that is-Mr.-"
Adolphus-"Yes2 2"
Ange:a-"Why may we not form a
trust:"
They combine. Tableau.-LOueH Citi-
zen.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS Stretches FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
A Lawyers Courtship-The Euro
pean SituatiOn-IncreduiOus
Mamma-BoOkishn
A Combine, Etc.

''My GRAND here tonight" said a
young lawyer to damsel on whom he
had called, reminds me of the cry of an
owl"
"Indeed," said the maiden; "what is
your errand here tonight"
"Courtship-To wit, to woo.-Aer-
cary.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
Incredulous Mamma.

A Young School Girl-"0h, mamma!
please mayn't I read romances? Lucy
Jones does, and she isn't = day older than
am. I peepcd into her book the other
day and the first two lines read: And
they were married and lived happily ever
afterward'
Mamma-"That wasn't romance, my
dear; it was fairy tale. ."-Judge.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
Times Changes.


Good Citizen bedtime, 1885," Have
you left the latchsring out?"
Wife-"Yes, my dear"
"And placed a candle in the win
dow?"
"Yes."
"Let US pray"
Good citizen bedtime, 1SSs)-"All
the doors and windows locked?"
Wife" Yes, my dear"
"And the burglar-alarm set?"
"It looks all right"
"And the dogs untied?"
eyes"
"Is my Winchester under the bolster
and a revolver under each pillow"
"Of course, dear"
"Let US pray."-Omaha World.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28

THE far s of the United States number
about 100000 Of which near y 100000 are
worked under lease or On shares.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28

The Religious Herald states that 2s, 900
of the $1,000 new members added to the
New York Baptist churches in the past
eight years came from the Sunday
schools.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
To dream of a ponderous whale,
Erect on the tip of his tail,
Is the sign Of a storm
(If the weather Is warm,

Unless it should happen to fail.
Dreams don't amount to much, anyhow.
Some signs, however, are infalliole. II ,'ou
are constipatei, with no appetite, tortured
with sick headache and bilious symptoms,
these signs indicate that you need DR.. Pierce's
Pleasant Purgative Pellets. They will cure
you. All druggists.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
Biood VIII Tell.

ENGLAND now pays ye .rly $40, 100 for for
cign frui' for which less than S5,OOO,OOO was
M id in 1S4S
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28

Consumption Surely Cured.
To the Editor:-Please inform your readers
that ] have a positive remedy for the above
named disease. By its timely use thousands Of
hopeless cases have been permanently cured. l
shall be glad to send two bottles Of my remedy
FREE to any Of your, readers who have con-
and P. O. address. Respectfully,
T. A. SLOCUM, NC, 1Sl Pearl St, N. Y.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28
"Why, am surprised. That was the

well, I did't ask. I saw that the
color of the ticket was delicate red,
and tAat it exactly matched my dress. -
C0OtmerciM -4dcerti<er.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28

When all so-called remedies fail, Dr.. Sage's
Catarrh Remedy cures.
CENsURE is the tax man pays to the public
20 ho; ipopf
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28

Best. easiest to use and cheapest. Piso's
Remedy for Catarrh. By druggists. Soc.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-03-28

Sold BY Dr,logists and Dealers EterJt0here.
the CHARLES A. VoGELER CO.. Baltimore. Nd.
The South western news., 1888-10-17
ReIed Buzzaris.

A gentleman who lives few
miles from town reports quite an
amusing incident that happened
on his plantation Friday afternoon
of last week. He was out in his
cotton patch near the house where
an Cd colored Ecman was picking
cotton, and while out there he
heard the ringing of a tiny bell.
Being unable to locate the where
abouts OF the sound, he called the
attention of the old woman. By
tbs time it had drawn nearer, and
as the woman raised herself up
from STOPPING position, her eyes
caught the sight of the buzzard and
she heard the sound of the bell.
She was badly frightened, She
threw up her hands; her eyes look.
Cd he:venward as her mouth drop
ed open and she seemed to be in
voking divine assistance. Howev.
er, she was only heard to say ''Oh
Lawdw and bolt for her house
where she was found half hour
later in a praying position and
muttering as to herself. As the
only thing she said that could be
understood was "Lawd forgive me
dis time an l neber DO so any mo.
1t was thought that the old wo-
man had been guilty OF some sin
and decided that the bellei buzzard
that she saw flying above her wa,
a messenger from another worlc
sent to warn her so that she mi hi
flee the wrath to come.
We told the gentleman abou
two buzzards with bells on then
having been turned loose in Albany
afcw days back and tat perhaps
ttlo was one o. them,
The South western news., 1888-10-17
GEORGIA-Terrell County

GEORGIA-Terrell County
Ordinary's Office Oct. 2, 1888.
" hereas, it appearing to the
court TINT there is no permanent
administration on estate of
John Kitchens deceased and no
application for permanent letters
Of administration therein; and it
further appearing that there is
necessity for permanent admins
tration on slid estate, all and singu-
lar the creditors and next of kin of
said deceased are hereby notified
to show cause, il any they can,
why the administration of said es,
tate should not be vested in the
Clerk Of the Superior court, or
some other competent person at the
next November term 1888. offer
rellCourt ofOidinary, H s BELL,
1t Ordinary.
The South western news., 1888-10-17
PERSONALS.

Miss Jessie Martin leaves to-day
for Cuthbert where she will spend
a few days with frieDds.
Mrs. F. A. Branch and Miss
Maude, after several weeks absence
in North Georgia are at home
again.
Marshal Hatcher has been taking
a rest spell for few d"ys. His
brother l.. d. Hatcher has been
acting city marshal tor him dur
ing his absence.
Mrs. j. H. Black, of Americas,
and Mrs. T. j Black, of Dawson,
mother and sister of Mrs. r. T.
Cona'ly, are visiting her at No.
1O9 Maple street, and attending
the Exposition. Rome Tribune.
Mr.. NJ. S. Keith will soon begin
the erection Of a new dwelling on
his plantation, three miles south
west of Dawson. Mr. Keith is one
OF Terrell's best farmers. He is
not one OF the kind who believes
that farming does not pay.
Mr.. Martin L. Harp of Atlanta
Texas is i'll our county. He is an
old Terrell county citizen, who
moved out to Texas in Sc and is
doing well i'll his new home. bow
ever from the tone of his converse
ton we can see that there are fond
recoilections stamped on his mind
thatsometimes make him yearn for
ST ht of the old home. Mr.. Harp
has MANY fir ends in Terrell who are
glad to s.e him.
The South western news., 1888-10-17
Church Notice.

Rev. P. S. Twitty will preach in
the Methodist Church next Sunday
m 'rning and evening. The 4th,
Quarterly Conference will be held
Monday evening at 7 o'clock in the
Church. This being the last Con.
ference for the year it is very inn
portant that all the official mems
bers be present with the reports
they are charged with making.
F. A. BRANCH.
The South western news., 1888-10-17

Journalism has another favor
which is Issued from the drug esq
adjustment OF Cheatham and Dean
i'll this city. BY the name
of the Dawson Signal" it
is one of the new Corners asking for
the public approval. DR.. w B
Cheatha us clippings are seen in
its columns, as With pen, ink and
clippings. he endeavors to assume
the new role Of u journalist. lie
"prescribes' with scintillating
thou hts, as veil as prescriptions
Of calomel and quinne. This paper
is full up not with nauseating doses
of despised medicines, but with
readable matter OF The best kind
which you can procure free. DR..
w. b. heatham will edit for you
as well as cure you. Get a copy of
this paper.