Iron County register., 1888-12-27
A TERRIBLE "WRASTLE." "
What Cana of Cap'n Sanders
Struggle with Grammar.

Cap'n Sander Hackett sat with his
old erony Cap'n Laban Kent on some
mackerel barrels on the canning-fac-
tory wharf. They had been ship cap
tains both, and had seen the world in
their day, and they still had keen in
terest in so much of it's f1otsam and
jetsam as could be picked up from the
factory wharf, but they had virtually
retired into the realms of philosophy.
An Interchange of mild speculation,
some piquant differences in the mat
ter of recollection (Which might have
threatened their ancient friendship if
Cap'n Laban's acerbity had encount-
cred any thing less notifying than
Cap'n Sanders good-nature), and the
evolving of simple philosophers from
their experiences served to pass the
long days. The mild melancholy of
reminiscence was apt to be favored
with dry humor, and the philoso-
phies, although somewhat pessim1stic,
especially in rheumatic weather. never
lacked a certain grim good cheer.
Altogether Cap'n Sander and Cap'n
Laban enjoyed life to degree which
is perhaps uncommon with philoso-
pliers, and when, on day which
was after their own hearts, with the
sea cheerfully sparkling at their feet
and the sky sereneEy smiling overhead,
and with a September air to breathe
which tingled, even in old veins, like
wine-when on such day as this Cap'n
Sanders face wore a heavy shadow, it
was natural enough that Cap'n Laban,
after making various delicate efforts at
consolation (even going so far as to
admit that Cap'n Sander might be right
as to the date at which the William 4.
Peauey encountered the tidal wave off
the South American coast), should be
driven to inquire, point-blank: ''What
ails We, Sander? What in mater ails ye
this delightsome day?"
The Office of consoler usually fell to
Cap'n Sander, who was of a more ro-
tund habit of body, and, as generally
follows, of more optimistic habit of
mind, than the other; and having once
begun, Cap'n Laban seemed to find a
satisfaction in turning the tables, and
became righteously severe.
1.-The rheumatic can't be a-grippin'
ye, certain, with this west wind
a-blowin'; and We hain't heard no bad
news from Caddy, hev We? / don't cal
c'late but what Caddy,can look out for
herself; and there's M'randy's temper
a-mellerin'-you said SO yourself only
yesterday; and your bank dividend and
your pension reglar as clock-work,
end no layin' awake nights; and the
four back teeth you've got left bein'
opposite to one 'tother, two and two;
and, / yum! what you've got to be
down-hearted about with such blessin's
as them"
'.'Tain't any such things as them
that's, a-wearin' on me, Laban-'tain't
any such aaings as them," repeated
Cap'n Sander, with mournful shak-
wrastle ahead of me, Laban; that's
what it is that's took hold of me so-a
terrible wrastle, and don't know as
can stand it. most expect shall get
overthrowed.
s.Laud o. mercyw calculated Cap'n
Laban, leaning forward to survey his
old friend, his faded blue eyes narrow
ed with curiosity. ..You hain't goin'
to have false teeth? nor speak in meet
in? nor have your picture tookP nor
go a-visitin'?n Cap'n Laban was evil
IDENTITY searching his own experiences
for deeds sufficiently desperate to come
under the head of .wrastles.
..No, faint none of them, Laban.
It's worse than any of 'em."
Although his sadness was unfeigned,
1t was evident that Cap'n Sander was
not without mild satisfaction in the
curiosity which he excited The in
trinity of his friends temper made it
somewhat hazardous TO prolong this,
however, and he hastened to say:
'.It's something I'm a-goin' to try to
do for Caddy's sake. You know there
ain't nothing / wouldn't do for her
sake-nothing in mater. yum IL this
amt clean out of natur; but I'm argoin'
10 try it! You don't understand the
feelin's of . father. Laban; and it amt