Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1888-10-29
GOOD FOR A COLD.
ALL SORTS OF ANSWERS TO THE
POPULAR cONUNDRUM.

4hc oAu DCacoh AsChhcoy OpeAN& |
Druggists Prescription-various Rene
dies from Various Sources-What the Old |
Physician Said-A Quick Cure.
Hello, old chap, how's the healths"
First rate, only I've got cold"
Drink rock and rye Thatll fix you up
Quarter of an hour later | met Deacon -,
an old friend of my fathers. "Got cold,
ehf' said the deacon in answer to the usual
inquiry for the health "Well, my boy, when
you go home tonight soak your feet in hot
water, drink four or five glasses of hot lemon
ade, roll yourself up in half dozen blankets,
and you will wake up new man" A little
later and another friend declared cod liver
oil and whisky were sure to bring me instant
relief, and still another advised me to go live
in Turkish bath for a week and have myself
rubbed down every morning with alcohol.
All amateur physicians, but all with a sure
cure. Should trust them or consult a pro-
fessionali | had not felt very sick when l
met the first amateur leech, but after talking
with all and being fully posted as to the
danger of letting cold run already imag
ined had one foot over Jordan and was in
need of heroic treatment to get it back again
But what was the use of paying physiciani
Every druggist is cold doctor l decided
to go TO a drug store, get good remedy, take
it and get we'll Being down town on bust
ness / went into popular place. WANT
something for a coldi Well, we have an
elixir that viii bring you out all right 1t is
put up expressly for colds, and is as good
remedy as has yet been discovered"
How mucbf'
''One dollar bottle. One bottle will be
all you will need"
Let me have it," said, and soon l was on
my way home with bottle of the elixir in
my pocket. l turned the bottle over and
over on my way up in the car, and examined
it carefully "How does he know what
really needi' | thought. He didn't examine
me, and didn't even ask if my cold was in
the throat, lungs, head or anywhere else. Oh,
| suppose the stuff will cure cold any
where, even if it be cold feet | guess I'll
| just drop in at dozen more drug stores and
see what will get for the same maladyn A
| druggist on Broadway was my first stopping
place. Oh, yesl be could cure me- A bottle
of Blanks tolu and liniment was purchased,
and | started for the next blue bottled
window
| Druggist s. sold me pills; Druggist NJ.
thought a lozenge Of his own manufacture
was what needed; H. prescribed a snuff; C.
thought quinine would cure me, and Drug
gist A. had lozenge he felt confident in rec
ommending. got pills, lozenges and lQ.
uids in abundance sure to wrestle sue.
cessfully with that cold; but the funny thing
about it all was that no two of the druggists
thought | neeped the same medicine. Each
one gave me something different, and when
got home and ranged my bottles and boxe:
upon the mantel piece there was nothing left
to do but to throw dice to decide which rem
edy should soothe me first.
A cold must be peculiar disease, indeed
Go TO 5000 different druggists, and you vii
get 5000 different medicines, each of whict
viii cure cold. One is naturally led to tht
conclusion that anything that comes out of 6
drug store will cure cold. | hesitatet
which medicine to tackle, and wound up BY
going to sleep without taking either. In th'
} morning my cold was gone. Nature had re
lieved me, but l had spent a good deal o
money on cold curers
DOING 1T FOR A JOKE.
l had to get my moneys worth out of some
thing, and decided to do it out of a practi
cal joke Accordingly opened every bot
tie and box, poured out some of the liquid.
threw away half of the lozenges and pills
tucked myself carefully in bed and dispatche.
a messenger post haste for DR.. S. DR.. S
was but u short time in answering my call
was very feeble indeed when he arrived
Doctor" said, "a month ago contracte
a bad cold | took friends advice and trie
rock and rye. The cold got worse. Anothe
friend prescribed foot baths and hot lemon
ade. Ii did no good Cod liver oil an
whisky made me worse Turkish baths onl
reduced my flesh. Then l went to the drug
gists-one at a time, Each gave me remedy
have taken them all There is what is LEI
ou the mantel. Doctor, l am a very sic
man Is there any chances of bringing m
throughP
The old physician shook his head sorrow
fully. WAIT till | examine the stuff yo
have taken,n he said. How In - did yo
, come to make such fool of yourseltF
"pll stand the abuse, doctor, if you'll say
my hfe,n answered feebly
The doctor proceeded to examine the cure
"Hudnut's ehl' heard him mutter. Evil
cherry, licorice, horehound, whisky. Wei
it isn't poison anyway. A. gives you
lozenge, more hcorice than anything els
H. says snuff, ehf Humphl Camphor, cubet
and sugar C. makes you take five grai
quinine pills Pretty stiff dose, my boy. /
tolu, liverwort and whisky. That's luckil
not poison, either. NJ S lozenges, cubebs al
muriate of ammonia. In heavens nam
what else have you been killing yourse
withl What's thisl Opium, l supposed N
i, only licorce. Well, you were lucky th
\ time And what else have we2-licoric
quinine, ammonia, cubebs, whisky. F
heavens sake, man, if you ever get VT
again eat Goldfish and give yourself sor
:, brains"
"But, doctor, can you bring me throuI
all rights"
''Yes; I'll get you out again, but it W
be severe treatment, and you will be a We
T weak man for several weeks"
''I'll stand that rather than these achin
racking, sickening pains Give me the pl
scription"
The doctor went to the desk and wro
Then he came to my bedside, told me to ha
the prescription filed Immediately, wish
me good luck, and left with a promise to C
the next day. As he closed the door jump
$ up and snatched the prescription. 1t rea
1.-TWO gallons Of castor oil Take a wi
h glass full every three hours until otherw
directed .a.-...
Two hours later met Dr. g. on Fifth a,
nue.. What, out alreadyf' he asked.
"Yes, doctor. l am reporter. / o,
wanted to see what could be done for 10
= if he followed the directions of his friel
= and tho druggists whenever be happens
catch cold. New York Press.