Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1888-04-16

to go to bed? Youngster-You can let me
sit up little longer.
wild cat insurance company is not
properly named. In an emergency it does
not come up to the scratch.
| If it is true that there is a woman in
the moon, she doesn't seem to care a snap
how much the old man is out nights.
Lizzie, did the doctor propose to you
to-day!" mo, mamma; he only asked if
you would live. with me after got mar
| ried"
The surgeons who have successfully
| removed thhe section of mans backbone
should be induced to practice on the
present winter.
Lightning struck the capitol at Wash
ington the other day. and all senators
and presentatives united in favor of
Protection.
A correspondent informs US that ''su-
Caring will not begin until the sap runs" !"
1t is an off day when a fellow can't learn
something worth remembering.
A Philadelphia tramp refused to sleep
with hard-up lawyer, saying that altho'
he had nothing to steal the lawyer would
probably manage to get mortgage on
him.
''If it were customary to confer titles
upon men who rank in literature, what
| would l be?" asked a conceited Journalist
of his senior. Baron of Ideas," was the
terse reply.
The news comes from New York that
coal will be cheaper in 0 few weeks. This
information is about as comforting as
the assurance that sick man will feel
better when he gets well.
Archbishop Whately was one day asked
If he rose early. He replied that once he
did, but he was so proud all the morning
and so sleepy all the afternoon that he
determinedsnot to do it again.
Mr.. Hopper-May have the pleasure
of this dance, Miss Snob? Miss Snob
(wishing to show her preference) =
Thanks, Mr.. Hopper, l don't dance with
every Tom, Dick and Harry, but I'll make
an exception of you.
An infant was crying fretfully in his
mothers arms in a car the other day,
when she turned to a man at her side with
the request of: 'Wud you PLACE to LUX
cross at him, sor; he'll think it's his ia
ther and kape shtill."
"That five dollars loaned you some
time ago, FIedgely," observed Robinson,
''sets a good example to Christians.
barrassed laugh. 'sHow-how's that?"
cit keeps lent so we'll"
He (making long calD-What very
odd-looking clock, Miss Smith Is it an
heirloom? She (suppressing yawn)-Oh,
no; it. is recent purchase of papa's. He
has a penchant for such things. l was
about to call your attention to it.
young man in railway car was
making fun of a lady's bonnet to an elder
ly man on the seat with him. s'Yes,"
said the elderly gentleman, ''that's my
wife, and L told her that if she wore that
bonnet some fool would make fun of it.
Wife Cooking over the bill)-Do you
remember, my dear, how many trout you
caught last Saturday? Husband-There
were just twelve of 'em,-al beauties /!
Why? Wife The fish dealer has made
a mistake. He charges for only half
dozen.
An indiscreet young man once asked a
lady her age. ''Wat while count" she
replied. 81 married at eighteen; my hus-
band was then thirty. Now he is twice
that,-then / must be thirty-six' lis it |
possible?" calculated the other, aghast at |
this method of femenine computatio
ssWell, should never have dreamed it"
.Dying man (faintly)-Darling Sor-
rowing wife (between obs)-Yes, dear? |
Dying man-When l am gone, love, de- |
sire that you should marry again as soon |
as you can. Sorrowing wife-Oh, why |
do you talk like that? Dying man-Because |
know you will, anyway, and l want peo-
pie to understand that it was my request. |
FEI I'D.