The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1888-06-30
GRAND SACHEM YERGER.
How His Good Wife Took All Nonsense
Out of Him,

How His Good Wife Took All Nonsense
Out of Him.
Mrs. Yerger-"You have no idea how
much trouble l have with my husband.
l didn't think it was possible for him to
get any sillier than he was already, but
| was mistaken.
Mrs. Peterby What is he up to
nowpn
''He is always up to some new fool
ishness. He is just running the lodge
business into the ground. | would like
to know all that goes on in these lodge
rooms"
81 would, too. Judge Peterby comes
home every night at about one o'clock
smelling of whisky and beer, and when
| ask him what sort of a smell it is, he
has the impudence to say that it is in
cense which they use in their mystic
ceremonies"
I've noticed the same smell about
Colonel Yerger. He, too, said it was
incense, and that the effect it had on
me proved it was incense, because I
became incensed as soon as | smelled
it. We poor women never find out any
lodge secrets, for even if man is ever
so laxative, when he comes home from
the lodge he is not in condition to
talk. | don't know what Colonel Yerger
has been doing to deserve it, but they
have made him Grand Sachem."
What in the world is that?"
81 don't know. That's some new
order he has joined. He already be-
longs to the Order of Yelled Night
caps, and the Order of Idiotic Red
Muffs, and three or four more secret
gangs"
Glow did you find out that he is a
Grand Sachem? Does he talk in his
sleep?"
mo. Day before yesterday was his
birthday. just as we were getting up
from the supper table there came two
knocks at the door, and a deep, grave
like voice said: is the Grand Sachem in
his wigwam?' Colonel Yerger opened
the door, and there was Gus De Smith,
Kosciusko Murphy, Nose Schaumberg,
Gilhooly, Hostetter McGinnis, old
Judge Pennpbunker and a lot more of
those old reprobates. They came into
the room in Indian file and said: is
our red sister well?' Just think of it!
I'D have scalped them with a fire
shovel" said Mrs. Peterby.
Then Gilhooly struck an attitude and
said: Most noble Grand Sachem, this
is thy birthday, and thy red brethren,
the noble red braves now present in
this wigwam, in consequence Of the
high esteem they have for their noble
brother, and his great services to the
lodge, do hereby present thee, noble
savage, with this gold-headed walking
cane. Lear on it, most worthy lord of
the forest, on thy STROLL in the direction
of the happy hunting grounds behind
the setting SUM-"
''Do you allow such proceedings in
your house, Mrs. Yerger? Why, l
would have scalded them-I would
have exterminated them"
Il couldn't help it. Colonel Yerger
was very much moved. He said it was
the happiest moment of his life, but
that his heart was too full for utter
ance, and turning to me he had the i'm
pudence to say, handing me quarter:
Here, noble squaw, take this string of
wampum to the corner grocery, and
bring some beer, that | may make
merry with my red brethren of the
forest. Be seated, braves.
Il would have mopped the floor with
him."
"For whole week, Mrs. Peterby,
that wretched man talked dime novel
talk to me, until | threatened to invite
mother to come and stay with us. That
took the nonsense out of the Grand Sa-
chem"
''What silly fools these men aren'
well, amt they?n-TeGaS SittingS.