Connecticut western news., 1888-03-14
HUMOROUS
Still up in arms Tho, infant King

Still up in arms The, infant King of Spain.
 A draughtsmau is generally design ing man.
 Legal inconsistency Calling forty ) pages of foolscap ''brief.'
 Noah's voyage is scarcely moro famous than the widows creuse.l
 The nc west trust is . honey trust. There may bo some cell about it, :. though. \
 There arc only forty five female lawN yers in the United States, but they talk like sixty.
 Judge: Madame, what is your age9 ~ She: Your honor, leave that to the mercy of the court.
 "Apple green will be the spring color," says fashion note. It will also be the summer cholera
 It now appears that the statement of a sea captain that the Esquimaux were dying off with scurvy was merely a salt rheumor.
 Niagara landlord-You look tired and thirsty. Won't you have glass of watera Cautious visitor (who has read about the FallS-How much is it2
 There was young lady from Niger,
 Who went out to ride on tiger;
 They returned from the ride,
 With the lady inside,
 And smile on the face of the tiger.
 They havo way out in Kansas of bringing to time unruly mem bers of the legislature. Mr. Funstan, member of tho committee on agriculture, was lato at committee meeting, and the chair man fined him six cans of corn.
 Oh, no can't be your husband, Sue,
 He said, as he gently kissed her,
 But I will be brother to you,
 For I'm going to marry your sister.
 "What can you tell me about E,auf' queried the pedagogus. '.Esau," re- sponded the youth, with the glib alac- rity of one who feels himself, for once, on safe ground, '.Esau was writer of fables, who sold his copyright for bot tie of potash"
 Mir. Jinks 0o andady)-"What kind of duck did you say this was, Mrs. Dinkly1" Landlady-'I didn't say. I simply ordered duck from the butchers" MT. Jinks Struggling with second joinD-'I think he has sent you dccoy duck"
 Omaha Man "Is Kansas City as full of real estato agents as cverl' Returned traveller" Most of their offices are closed" "What has become of themr "Well, don't know, of course, but there is good deal of sand bagging going on down there lately"
 Hotel waiter-You are late for lunch, sir. Eminent physician-Yes, l had to finish my magazine article on 'The Laws of Health so as to get it into the next mail. What have you today1 'Hot rolls, clans, plum pudding, apple dump lings, mince pie, and fruit cake.' s'Bring 'cm all."
 The Academy at Pekin has got up an encyclopaedia in 160, 900 volumes. We don't know what happens to the Japan csc book agent who goes around solicit ing subscribers for an encyclopedia in 160, 1000 volumes, one to be delivered every other week, but in this country he would bo killed several times day.
 Moritz Saphir, the witty Austrian journalist was once standing in . crowded theatre. Some one leaned on his back, thrusting his head over his shoulder. saphir drew out his hand kerchief and wiped the mans nose violently. The latter started back. "Oh, beg your pardon" said Saphir, "I thought it was mine."
 ''Willie," said the fond mother, sI wish you wouldn't associate so much with Robbie Georgeson. He is addicted to the use of low slang" 'That's a fact mother" said the bright little boy, with engaging frankness. 'Tt isn't my fault, though. I've tried dozen times to givo him the cold shake but the chump won't tumble"