Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1888-12-12
a WoEFUL coMEoV.


The Bad, but Trues Story OF Bo0ere 49,
racks, Artificial Man.
Robert Barracks was . sincere.
though highly artificial. man. That u
to say. he was nothing OF hypocritc.
in spite OF the fact that he had one
false eye, a wooden leg. an auburn
wig. an artificial larynx, not to mem
tion five very handsome sets OF teeth.
which he wore on different occasions
as the spirit moved him.
The only act OF deception Of which
Robert Barracks had ever been guilty
was that he had concealed from
the fair Amanda Perkins, with
whom he was deeply in love, the un-
doubted fact that he had one eye, one
leg. n head of hair. one larynx and no
end of pearly white teeth In the grave,
and that a census of his original feat-
ures would disclose the unhappy truth
that there was but seven-tenths OF his
personality left to declare the passion
he felt for the lovely heiress.
Barracks had met Miss Perkins ex-
clusively by moonlight He had court
ed her by moonlight. proposed by
moonlight and had been accepted by
moonlight The relentless glare of tho
sun had never lit coincf6ently upon the
form OF Robert Barracks and Amanda
Perkins; never had the fond young
couple bathed together in the efYulgent
light of n single ray. Had It been
otherwise our story would probably
never have been written. Amanda
firmly believed that her Robert was a
perfect specimen of mature manhood.
and Barracks had permitted her to so
believe rather than confess that re-
spectacle minority OF his being was
dead and buried.
Alas for trusting woman and deceitful
man, murder will out!
1t happened early in September last
that Barracks had laid in his winter
supply OF legs, eyes, teeth and locks
his trousseau, as he called il in con-
versation with himself--and was fully
prepared for the exigencies of life for
one year to come, at the very least,
and felt ready to call upon the fair OBJ
lect OF his affections and by the soft
light OF the pickering logs ask Miss
Perkins to ''name the day."
IL will drop Annie line" quoth he,
land tell her to expect me this evening
at $50"
And he sat down and wrote to
Amanda to that effect, addressed the
envelope. sealed it, mailed il and then
forgot all about any thing in the world
save the stock market, among whose
listed securities were one or two seven
oil 9TH s..s
shares not wholly unknown to Miss
Perkins safe deposit box.
AS nine o'clock struck Robert
dressed for his call and precisely Mt
$3.50 o'clock he mounted the steps of
the Perkins mansion and rang the bell
Miss Perkins is not in" said the
answering turnkey, .'but she requested
me to hand you this note"
Thanks" said Roberts. tearing the
envelope from the note and reading
half aloud and half TO himself as fol-
lows:
October g. 1885,
Rob ri barracks. Esq.
DEAR SIR-An Is over between us I find
you are false--false to the world; false to me-
Do not try TO sec me moro. / can never be
yours. AMANDA PRRxIss
T.. S.-Inclosed please ind proofs OF your
falseness A'P
With mad sob Robert Barracks
dashed down the steps aud. rushing TO
his apartment as fast as his artificial
leg would permit, threw himself upon
his folding bed and wept copiously with
his good eye, tearing his blonde wig
madly all the while, and uttering the
most piercing shrieks of which his
false larynx was capable.
81 am lost!" he whispered, hoarsely;
and indeed IL was so, for before him
were the proofs which Amanda had
inclosed in her letter They were in
this form:
NEW YORK. Oct. !, 1888.
Robert BdTrdcks Es0
To Universal Furnishing Co., Dr.
sept. !. One false leg. mahogany. nickel
knee, decorated calf .......s ~
One gross blue eyes, varicgated
pupils agate finish. .......... 20
Repairing knee pan rosewood
limb, two new toes and altera-
tions OF instep. ................ 10
sept. .. Three sets pearl-inish teeth, full
JcWeled.. s......... ........... Is
-Four heads OF auburn hair. 20
Repairs 20 larynx. \
Aot"i.... .s.s.....ssssss.s .s...... t2Oo
Please remit
Poor Robert! He had been guilty of
that fatal error. that old. old story.