News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-06-28

his best girl)-People may sneer and
sneer at my special line eff work, but it
brings in the dollars just the same.
Best Girl proachfully hope, Char
lie, you don't include me. never think
of laughing at your work.
BED TIME
Country boys are noe such squash
heads as they sometimes sool," said the
sociable drummer at th>ssstroezel House.
| zone day last week -ssasas out riding
with fellow who seemed tb think it his
mission to say or do sonething smart
every minute. Presently we overlook
barefoot urchin driving cow home from
pasture, and my companion reined up
the horse and spoke to him, saying,
Say, my little man, whats time will it be
at 6 O'Clock this afternoon2' Without a
moments hesitation the lad answered:
"TwiIl be bedtime for hens and fools.
You're not hen, but twill be your bed
time all the same. '"-BatBalo .Erpress.
WAITING FoR IT.
A gentleman passing an unfinished
house, observed the laborers standing
perfectly motionless.
"What are you waiting for2"
"Waiting for the clock to strike IL,
so we can stop work. responded the
most active man in the crowd.-T'eras
SJtings.
She wanted to take some lessons in
archery, but she was very, very verdant.
'Have you bow and quiyer?" asked
the teacher. "Ye-ye--yes," she hest
tated, 81 have beau, but / haven'ta
quiver any more. He's been coming
for about two months now, and Tn
used to it. > Washington 0sitic.
Fond Mamma Showing the baby to
visitor -h-he's asleep. The little
darling Isn't he the sweetest you
ever saw? Visitor Gn awestruck whis
per)-Decidedly Can he talk2 Fond
Mamma-Talk I should think he
could talk Why he can say 'sgoo' and
'sga" and "yow" Picked them up
himself, too.-Boston Beacon.
WISDOM WILL COME.
'Let me see your tongue, madam,
please" said the doctor, and he added
facetiously as the request was complied
with: "It is not necessary to expose the
whole length of it.
The indignant patient drew in her
tongue and gave the thoughtless young
physician piece of it, Chicago Tribune.
PROMOTED.
Senator VOORHEES, recently visited the
Pension Office, Washington, ana was
astonished to recognize in man maui
Judge once proH ssrent in Indiana.
Stopping Einsvtlse 49, i-s1's= T--ess'Haeei'
Thunder and lightning Judge in
Indiana horse in Washington! Inc
next day the ''horsa' was promoted to
place more befitting his former digni-
ty.-Pht1adegphia telegraph.
WORD FOR WORD.
Grocer-That is fresh country butter,
sir. You can take my word for it.
Customer-All right; send five pounds
and charge it.
Grocer-Eer-hOW nln L to know II L
will get my money?
Customer-Yon can take my word for
it.
MODERN SAMPSON.
First Pittsburg Small Boy-My faith
er's All awful strong man. He pulled up
q tree yesterday.
Second Pittsburg Small Boy-Oh,
pshawl that amt nothin'. My father
pulled up the river last week. Pttts5erg
Chronicle.
A JEALOUS RIVAL.
Mrs. Waldo Ito daughter)-I see,
Penelope, that New York paper has
referred to Mr.. Sullivan as 'fa drunken
brute"
Miss Penelope-Yes, mamma; and q
New York paper spoke of Mr.. Lowell as
"being SO English y know" 1t is sec
tional jealousy, mamma, nothing more.
A.RUnER.
Teacher-Who was the most upright
man in the Bible?
Smart Boy know who was the
straightest.
Teacher-Well, who was the straight
est?
Smart Boy-Joseph.
Teacher-Why
Smart Boy-Because Pharaoh made a
ruler of him. -Pailadelphia Call.
NO DOUBT OF IT.
In school:
Teacher-Supposing that eight of you
should together have As apples, 80
peaches, 56 plums and Is melons, what
would each of you have?
Pupils Gin chorus THE stomach
ache.-Judge.
Wife-I suppose you know there's q
young man to see Mary two or three
evenings q week.
Husband-Yes, kayes noticed him
two or three times; what about it?
''Ive been inQuiring about him, and
find he isn't worth cent and never
will be, and l want you to stop his visits
here2"
"When is he coming again?"
Tomorrow night.
Cali right; I'm going to get down the
parlor stove tomorrow night and I'll
get him to help me. Afterward, I'll find
q way to get rid of him. We mustn't act
too precipitately in these matters. Dos
ton Courier.
AN INCEssANT WANT.
Tramp-Please give me something for
breakfasts
Farmers Wife-Why, it's noon now.
Did you stop at Stacket's an the mill
an at the yaller house down the roadl
Tramp-Yes, mum.
Farmers Wife-An' didn't you get
anything?
Tramp-Of course I did; but you wo-
men are so uncommon stingy at doling
out grub that it's dinner time before a
fellow gets his breakfast.
WOULD DO JUST AS WE'LL.
lrritated Frenchman(to American who
has mistaken him for waiter)-Sir-r,
you haf gr-r-rossly insulted me. There
IS my card. My seconds will vait upon
you, sir-r-r.
American-Never mind your seconds,
trenchy. You can wait upon me just as
well. Pass me the Worcestershire sauce,
and be quick about it.-Hayper's Bazar.
NOT WANTED ANYWHERE.
:, His Fiery Majesty-Thcr'sa knock at
the gate; see who it is.
Subordinate Imp (returning)-lt's n
man from Philadelphia He says they
wouldn't let him in upstairs, because,
while on earth, he carried his umbrella
under his arm.
ii. f. M.-Tell him we don't want
hlm here,-Ftiladelphia GaR, II