St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-04-08

Man may be fearfully and wonderfully
made-but think of a woman! And L
am certain L have found one who is
fearfuller and Wonderfuller i'll con-
struction than any Of her sisters. Sh!
come closer-she has no body. 1t is a
fact, and isn't it horrible? She has a
live head, but the rest of her is wire.
She comes into a room like an automa-
ton on runners, and there is not the
least hint of any connection between
her clothes and solid, flesh-and-bones
body. There is some evidence of bone
seen through the flowery draperies of
an artiStically g0tten-up female skele-
ion, but there is nothing about this
girls appearance to indicate the
existence of anything so hui
man and substantial as bone
in her makeup. 1t must be wire. Do
YOU suppose she wears her body nights?
Or does she unlock her head and roll
into bed, leaving her body, all dressed,
standing in the middle of the room, to
be hitched on to in case of fire? Boo!
hoo don't mind these tears my sympa-
thetic soul must shed. | am thinking
you think of the painful surprise of the
man that marries her, when he dis
covers that he has promised to love,
cherish and pay the millinery bills of a
woman who is show window dummy
from her neck down.
\
Would you believe that in this en-
lightened age there remain women who
will swear the moon is made of green
cheese if man tells them it is so? But
they do remain. and advancing
civilization must blush clear be-
hind her ears every time she
stumbleS across one. Eyes have they,
but they see not; ears have they, but
they hear not; hands have they, but
they feel not. You remember how it
stormed last Wednesday? About 8
o'clock man and woman started out of
the Windsor just back of me. As put
up my umbrella the woman stopped
short and exclaimed, ''Why, it's rain
ing. Charley; [ am not going" The
man stood right out with the beautiful,
wet rain pouring right into his face and
stoutly declared, 1T is not raining;
come along"
Why, it is, too, raining. l shall get
my dress all spotted. will not CO."
Il tell you it is not raining," he re-
ptdteu, SCtulliS Hldel'iCl dlil WObtOL
every minute. you come along" And
the foolish one actually went, saying
meekly and penitentially, sit seems to
me as if it were raining quite damp
rain"
This accepting the Judgment of man
in contradiction to the testimony of her
own senses keeps woman from under
standing why one and one make two
only as her husband or father tells her
it does. She has no idea of cauSati0n.
The other night, at the opera house, a
young woman bent forward, turned her
eyes up to her escort and in the tone Of
voice in which Columbus might have
announced, LAND" OF Calico, "The
earth moves" she said, playing the
cello makes man bald-headed." She
pointed out the man in the orchestra
who was playing the cello, and he GER
tainly had no hair on the top of his
head. in the place where his hair ought
to be-" She said that she had always
noticed the 'celloist in every orchestra
and he was always just so bald, and she
did wish Mr.. - would tell her what
there is about playing the cello to make
a man bald. Mr.. = was sure he did
not know, and doubtless the dear little
bIue-eyed, yelloW-banged philosopher is
lying awake nights still, studying the
reason why.
In street car the other day another
woman gave evidence OF the effect ages
of Difference to the opinions of man
have had upon the reasoning faculties
of her sex. Her husband is great deal
of politician and she is something of
one herself. She is Democrat because
oh, because, you know. A man
boarded the car who had been her huS-
bands associate at Washington. She
was introduced to him, and, anxious to
show her deep interest in the welfare of
her country and her sound judgement
i'll all political affairs, she soon said to
him:
''He began Il am when she inter
rupted him brightly, saying:
II know what you are before you tell
me: you are Democrat"
Il am sorry to disappoint yOu," re-
piled the man, but you are mistaken.
am Republican, Republican from
way back"
''Why, l am so surprised" she said,
looking positively hurt. Il was just
sure you were Democrat, because you
have clean Shaven face, and all men
who have clean-ShaVen faces are Demo-
Gratis
1t is an awful thing to live to attend
our own funeral and to assist i'll erect
ing monuments to our own memory.
But it is what women must do, unless,
happily, they die young. There is a
fine complexion that gives up the ghost
and has to be buried, and then powder
puff inscribed to its memory must be
raised on ones dressing table, and
French powder must be kept busy
writing epitaphs on the dear departed
all over ones face. There is symmet-
rical figure that goes the way of all
things mortal, and bulgy, obstinate
flesh or bones and cotton must publish
ones bereavement to an unsympathetic
world. There are pretty teeth that all
for long time, till finally we act as
chief mOurnerS at their burying, and
later buy thirty-tWo white tombstones
to tell the public of our loss. Bright,
shining tresSes seek the grave, and on
our heads we pile fax or dead folks
hair, tribute to the glory that is gone.
Said an old lady, the other day, as she
slipped in her false teeth. and adjusted
her false front, II don't know what
Justice there is in the Lords promising
Womeu future punishment. To live
after they have lost teeth, hair, and
everything that makes them attractive.
is hell enough for them"