The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-09-27
WIT AND HUMoR.

CecblVe WHO Is INC Iudu EcdllJ diN "a
his shadow.-Puck.
The reason Mohammed refused to go
to the mountains was because the hotel
rates were so high.-Life.
Many boy finds it easier to contest
his fathers will after the old man is
dead than when he was alive.-Boston
Post.
Orator-"And what, my friends, is |
the basis of this vile rum trailicP" Nc
. Ginnis, the bartender-'Cash on the |
bar. Burdette.
II hear YOU have had an addition to
your family, Mr.. Brown" Mr.. Brown
(sadly) Multiplication, my dear ma
dam-twins. Life.
A new French gun throws a projec-
tile having shell of German silver
This is probably intended to kill the
sutler with.-Burdette.
Teacher-.'Now answer up loud,
Bessie. How was Absalom kIlied?"
Bessie. Please, ma'am. he Caught his
switch in some branches.-Jsdgt-
The creed of narrow man: Ii
friend changes his mind he is "A traitor;
if a stranger does not think as y.M do
he is foOl.--Net0 Orleans Plcdyatne.
Brown Ito old snobs)-''I see Jones
is rebuilding his house" Snobs-'.He
amt doin' nothin' O. the sort; he's only
takin' off one mortgage and putin on
another. .n-Judge.
\ is said that in India perjury is
regular profession. We have no pro-
fessional perjurers in this country; but
there are some mighty skilled amateurs
amongst uS.-Pac6.
Devoted old husband-There, dar-
ling, is diamond bracelet. Frivolous
Young wife-O, you dear old thing!
How lovely! I'll remember you all
day for that.-1oton Topics.
He-.It is charming on the water to-
day; let us take sail. What sort of
a craft would you preferP" She-'I
think smack would he Just too lovely
for anything. Detroit Free Press.
Office boy Ito editor) fe-
male book-agent outside, sir. an red
eyed man what wants to whip de edi-
tor Editor-Well, show the man what
wants to whip the editor in.-Lye.
Mr.. Mixemup, the interviewer-"And
what strikes YOU as the most promin-
ent feature in American literature?"
The Dock of SharleyOw, just landed
..Please keep off the grass. ."-Burdette.
.sThese are hard times" sighed the
young collector of bills. Every place
i went to-day | was requested to call
again, but one, and that was when L
dropped in to see my girl. '-Tccis
Syiings.
DIR. William A. Hammond asserts
that the brain is not an organ abso-
lutely essential to life. Doubtless the
doctor has just returned from some
fashionable watering place. e.-Phttodet-
f,tia Bulletin.
Man is awfully smart in some things,
but nobody has yet discovered one that
could jam hat pin clear through his
head and make it come out on the
other side, as the women do.-Dans-
Giile Breeze.
..It's no use," said Drencher, de-
spairingly, after drinking his tenth
glass of beer Il can't get up any
sensation on this stuff. The flesh is
swilling, but the spirit is weak. ."-Bos-
ton Transcript.
Friend-Are You happy? Spirit
(through mediunO Perfectly so. F.
What has pleased You most since you
left us? S.-The epitaph on my tomb
stone 1t both amazes aud delights
me.-Bosto1l Courier.
Little brother (who has been to the
PARK Win ms ponneJ eJ-iis MI
pins is coming to see you tonight.
Sister How do you know? L. B.-I
heard him say so when he kissed nursie
.good-by.rI Ioa0n Topics.
-Have YOU ever made a study of the
revenue, Mr.. Spendthriftp' asked old
Hyson. well, no." responded Spend
thrift, uneasily. Il can't say that !
made careful study of it; just kind
of run throuUh If ~ Rar1ptte
! A Spanish astronomer has as-er.
hained that there are rain and snow Oh
the moon the same as on the earth.
The dark spot over the left ear of the
man in the moon. then, must be an
fumbrella. Darlington Free Press.
Smith Ito Brown, who is late in get
4ing home)-What have you got there,
Brown? Brown-That'sh new hat (hic)
f'm' wife. l Oic) lef' m night key at
shome, an got t have somethingt' t. (hic)
open front door with.-NeaO York Sun.
whats the matter, dear?" West
END belle was heard to ask of her
pretty sister, who was sitting in an of
Corner of seaside hotelyeranda, hold
ling one hand to her head. Ear ache. y
-sDear mel Has that Russian Count
been proposing to you too?"-Paila-
Adelphid Record.
One of the latest feats of endurance
fis that of playing the piano for thirty
six hours in one inning. 1t is the
player, and not the listener, who is
awarded the prize for endurance. The
listener generally becomes exhausted
land wants to die in the fourth hour
brakes Magazine.
Citizen (to undertaker) II thought.
FMp MnniH that T rAintr off
"a vacation? Undertaker-I did intend
to start over month ago, but old Mrs.
Bentley was taken dangerously ill,
and I've been sort of hanging on, and
Gin a low, injured tone of voice. I'll be
blamed, sir, if she amt getting better.
Epoch.
.'Gracious! How we'll it is pre-
served" said one travelling man to an
other as they gazed at a mummy in a
museum. at looks as if it might wake
up and speak, if you could only arouse
lit with some familiar words" $50 it
does. Suppose you try it with that
story you just told me. ."-Merchdnt
i1rGUeier.
The police officers at Niagara Falls
nave been instructed to arrest all per.
sons who may hereafter visit there fol
the purpose of performing daring feats.
This does not include the young man
who takes his bride to the falls, with
only $50 in his pocket, and expects to
have enough left to pay his fare home.
S-NoTyist0sOsl Herald.
Dumley (whose credit is not first.
class)-I say, Brown, can you lend me
$40 for few days? Brown (reluctantly
pulling out a roll of bills)-I-er-
ls'pose I'll have to, Dumley. Dumley
Thanks, You seem to have plenty
Of money, old fellow. Brownies /
seem to have more money than brains.
--MeW York Sun.
'.Now, George" said his rich uncle,
-'you know that you are my heir, and
6f you will only behave yourself at COL
1ege, do what is right. study hard. and
graduate with honor, / feel that shall
die happy" Dear Uncle" responded