New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-07-01
OLD GENERAL HUMIDITY ABOUT AGAIN
HOW RE PLAYS on THE PIANO TO COSTLY rvNn

HOW BE PLAYS ON THE PIANO TO COSTLY TSNh
-nE MAKES FEW FRIENDS. HOWEVER
Ono would never suppose that that exceedingly
unpopular old chap. General Humidity could couns
upon a single friend in York, and yet he nuns
hers a good many warm admirers among the men who
live by making. selling and epairng pianos Noise
heat does more knock out' piano than any other
haIf-dozen of IT'S natural enemies Many carefnt
housewife, preparing TO 90 TO the country Tor ina
summer, puts her drawing room furniture In swat+
ding clothes ties her curtains up in bags, bandages
the chandeliers, covers her pictures with musiins
packs the winter furs in canphor sends her silver 70
the safe deposit company locks the piano ana goes
away thinking to find them all right on her return
But she does not count the insiduous old sneaks
Humidity He cares not for camphor or muslin thu
closer and darker the room the better for his nnd
work He furnishes the gilt frames and warps tho
paper mats inside the pictures, works all the damage
he can on anything that will warp or mldew, rsts
the very tacks In the carpets that their heads pull
off when you to lift them, but reserves his moss
extravagant and mlschievous pranks for the piano.
It IS admirably his peculiarties. Here ara
lots Of delicate steel wires for him TO rust the cloth
used in the and hampers is swelled by him tn
twice IT'S proper thickness, TIL IL mildews and becomes
thoroughly rotten the delicate sounding warps
easily and the whole IS snugly covered, where M
chance draft Of air dry 1t. TIL the family returns
in the fall
Then covers are removed and everything is busted
and soon made TO look as usual But when the piano
is opened-oh, how yellow the ivory keys have beS
come How badly out of tune, though tuned lass
spring This key, when struck down, won't rise I'd
its place again: this key won't make any sound but
a dull thud and this one won't go down at all His
It hard Twangl There goes string, sure as yours
born The piano repairer comes, looks at II, smiles
to himself shakes his head mournully, says It's badly
rusted and must be thoroughly overhauled The Gems
eral has paid that family visit, and finding no ona
off blc in a M
for repairs.
Umbrella members, too, find their profits Increase
after period of sticky, muggy hot weather. Il saw
man right opposite my shop window said the heads
surgeon in one OF these umbrella hospitals to re-
porter the other day, start TO put up fine new
silk umbrella It evidently worked little stih az
first for after several Intellectual attempts 10 spread
the ribs he gave a sharp jerk, and the whole thing
collapsed and fell rafting down ON his hat He ex-
treated himself, and seemed ready to pitch the thing
into the gutter. Ny syn caught his eye. aud he eamd
in in a towering ragc.a
@.see here he said, this dod gasted thing, that
only bought month ago, has gone back on me. Pvc
been swinded and I'll mako 1t hot for the nasty thief
that did it. Now / want you 10 look at II and tell
me how have been cheated. I thought knew
good umbrella when saw onc.'
$50 you do SIR replied, ITS a frstclass atica
In every particular. but you see this humidity the
newspapers are talking so much about lately has
rstcd away the little circle Of wire that runs through
the tops OF the ribs and holds them fast aboat tho
metal ferule. You have stood your umbrella up In
some close closet with the point down. wher it was
wet The air itself being chock full OF dampness, has
prevented it from drying, the heat has already mil
dewed the silk little around the top, the wire
mentioned rused that IT broke with the slight,
Inpatient jerk you gave IL; and you are only ole Of
dozen people who have come 10 me this week IN
lust the plight F"