The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1888-06-21
THE ANCIENT BOY.
HOW THE AMERICAN hoy For
MERLY SPENT HIS TINE,
Don't Believe Him When He Talks OF
Childhood JOyE-An Honest Confess
sion from One who Knows.


Don't Believe Him When He Talks OF
Childhood JOys-An Honest COn1es-
sion from One Who Knows.
When see the festive youth of the
period sta"d on the street corner and
gaily smoke a cigarette, swhile he ever
and anon amuses himself by knocking
down pedestrians who refuse to fill his
growler, feel like kicking myself be
cause l was born so long ago. Often,
too, when hear the bald-headed man
who sits in the front row talk about the
good old days of his childhood, have a
chuCklIng suspicion that the hald aded
man was born bald, and never had any
childhood at all.
The ancient boy was tall and thin be-
cause he never had time to grow fat, and
his clothes were either altogether too
big, or else cut decolette at both ends.
These clothes were also invariably made
of Kentucky jean, which generally faded
like dream, and sleeve of his Jacket
also did duty as pOcket-handerchief
When the boys trowsers became so short
that they looked as if they were making
frantic eDdeavOr to crawl up to his
neck and choke him to death, these
trowsers were hounced about the bot
tom.
The ancient hoy was up before the
early bird, or the worm either, and the
first duty consisted in ascertaining
whether the kitchen fire was altogether
or not quite extinguished.
Now, if the paternRl parent had been
entertaining church party the night
before, and had so far forgotten his dig
I,,fN -, lniE hal . h..
night with his head under table and
his feet under the crate, the fire was
generally out.
Two courses were then open to the
boy. FIRST he could grasp fire shovel
firmly in one hand and. while he re-.
peated various verses of scripture, HE
himself through mountains of snow to
the Smith farm, about seven miles away
and inquire in frigid tones of the Smith
boy whether he would oblige with
real live coal. If the Smith boy
obliged, it was generally found on
reaching home that the coal had burned
itself out, as well as hole half way
through the shovel.
The other course was to obtain a light
by means of flint, ,tindeT- box and steel,
There are various kinds of steel. There
is British steel and Bessemer steel, and
there have been several American steals
hut the coldest, most unsympathetic
steel of all was that related to the an
cient tinder. box when the mercury was
frozen solid and still unsatisfied.
On a morn when it was colder than
the Greenback party, it was fine thing
to find the chickens frozen fast in
heap, and to get clothes pole and pry
the sweet brindle COW loose from her
mornings. What bliss to wrestle with D
souliess pump for three polar hours, AMI
after you had plastered it with flesh
from the palms of your hands, finally
| find that she had bust her valve, and
that in the near future a bucket of pump
water would be scarCer than an honest
policeman, And after the blessed chores
were done and the ncighbors helped
out of their scrapes, a boy could trip in
and fill himself with rye bread and the
wash water from burnt beans.
In those days every family had an old
family horse. He was not vicious
horse. He was rather a horse whose
mild eve seemed to say:
Let us have peace and plenty of time
to have it,
1t was interesting to the boy to see
his male ancestor walk carefully up to
the beast and growl in a voice filled
with Christian pride: Whoa, BOney
parte! behave nowu when the horse
could have taken his affidavit that he
had no idea of starting within three
lunar months, When the animal needed
shOeing there was always a midsummer
festival tor the boy. There might have
been time in medieval ages when the
old fashioned saddle fitted the old fash
ioned horse, but the saddle had forgot
ten to keep up in gr0wth with the horse
and the article generally had to be
strapped on in the region of the neck.
This made things rather eXhIliarating, AS
every time the wretched beast wanted
to look at his tail to see if it was still
there, the boy got such comprehensive
view of the horizon as to cause him to
often smother IA fervent prayer in the
mud. Arriving at the blacksmith 5, that
gentleman, whistling merry rOunde-
lay, proceeded to tie his shop fast to the
horse, so that the shop might not stray
away and get lost. This was generally
a signal for the animal to roll azily on
| his back and kick high church out of
hemlock boards and scatter them to the
four winds of New Haven, The boy, in
such case, always bore the blame, but
probably he could stand it better than
the horse. -: When the brute was to be
shod, he made up his mind that he sho'd
have his own way about it. And, No
father, i can not promulgate an untruth,
| | have not driven your steed too fast
| Why, the only time that that old pride
of Guttenburg could be fast was when
he was tied-but, no, that would be a
horse-chestnut.
The ancient boy often had sailor
uncle who turned up at periods vary
ing from five minutes, to five years.
This sailor uncle had never been shaved
and also virtuously abstained from
washing himself, probably out of re-
spect for the waters feelings. He
always promised ON his next trip to
bring a hippopOtamus or something
home to his good little nevy, but never
quite did so. But the boy shared his
bed with his good sailor uncle, and was
nightly made happy by tales compared
with which the modern detective story
would seem insignificant as the wealth
of horse gambler, and also by the sui
phurous fumes of something stronger
than aquafortis and the reeking odor of
semi-masticated plug.
In days of yore the village parson
used to swing around the tea circle
quite often. There was one of these
gentlemen long ago, upon whose face
an expression of greasy benevolence and
large warts appeared TO be running a
race, Once on time, this parson, call
ing for tea at the supper table in an
absent minded manner, bethought him
haf II h.a r,la fn haaF N
ancient boy sing that touching hymn.
i want to be an angel.
The boy hesitated.
Sing it immejut,' growled the child's
father.
But father, Billy Bowlegs says if
keep on singing that | may get to be one
yet
'Bowlegs be blowedv roared the irate
parent in a voice which made the cups
and saucers and also the welkin ring till
it cracked. 4 don't want no Bowlegses
settin' my boy up agin his father. Me
and the parson knows better than all
the Bowlegses, and | tell you we all
want to be angels, and you've got to be
an angel whether you like it or not.
Sing 1t immeJut.'
Thus entIeated the boy sang it, and
some time after, when he was hunting
for tender, affectionate spot in the bed
he began to think he really did have
angelic aspirations,
The boy Of old. il he went to school at
all, generally went in the winter time.
The schOolhouse roof leaked and the
schoolhouse seats were made of rail
fences. These trifes, however, did not
keep the boy from finding out that most
great men had studied Latin and Greek