Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1888-04-06
The Startling Experiences Of
Hiram Porker, c. II. X.

Hiram Porker was an American
He was also monomoniac, scOun.
drel. and a crank. He was a mono
maniac because his narrow, contract
ed mind, and all the shallow ideas
that emanated from his dried uE
brain, were wholly given over to the
wonderful pork packing manufactory
that bore bis name and covered q
goodly number of acres in that semi
cultured capital of the West, Chicago.
From sunrise to sunset he thought
of nothing but pigs. 1t was bis
greatest delight to watch all day long
the movement of the clever machines
that so neatly and quickly dissected
the live, sGuealing hogs and convert.
ed them into marketable produce
At night be dreamed of them, and as
with the passing years his bank ac-
count swelled larger and larger, his
passion for blood and slaughter, fos,
tered by the every day sights at his
establishment, waXed strong and
fierce, until, like one of the characters
in Eugene Sues great romance, he
fairly saw red.
For many and divers reasons be
was a scopndrel A very few words
will suffice to give the reader an in.
sight into his character. His clerks
and assistants were oppressed, despis
ed, i'll paid, and treated like brutes
AS mere machines they were regard
ed, to be moved and controlled at the
owners will Will of their own they
had none. They were bought anc
owned like 80 many goods and chat
tells.
In ways that are dark Hiram Por
ker was no novice. A pig was pig
to him, and if pig was afflicted witt
all the porcine ailments in the calen
dar, he went under the knife just the
same. Nevertheless, Mr.. Porkel
never partook of his own meat.
Again, honesty was not one of his
cardinal virtues, and to all the prin
ciples of upright, legitimate business
he was a stranger.
In his impersonation of crank Mr.
Porker is invested with much that il
interesting and worthy of close obser
walton. The very incarnation of com
bined ignorance and egotism, he po
ses as fitting representative of tina
class class of Americans" who, by
their absurdities, have throughout
the civilized world invoked odiun
and ridicule upon the country tina
unfortunately acknowledge their pa
ternity. Mr.. Porker's mental status
is on level with that of the man, {
native of Chicago, or Kansas City,
believe, who, when he received from
New York statute of f"Venus Of Mi
10" with the arms off, straight way
went and sued the express company
for damages inflicted while enroute.
Doubtless he is near relative of the
"Billionare" American mentioned ir
William Blacks last novel, who, OF
being taken into Westminster Abbey
threw d careless glance around the
place and then unwittingly displayed
his british ignorance by remarkint
with cool sarcasm to his guide, thai
Sqatterville, Nebraska, was q darneC
sight better place than this, because
it was full OF live men, and Westmin
ster Abbey was only full of deaf
ones.n
To Hiram Porker Chicago was th'
world. The column of the daily pa
per that contained the rise and fall o
live stock and beef was his Bible, hi
cole and only guide to life. Beyont
this he knew nothing, desired moth
ing. He never knew there was {
German empire until Bismarck airet
his views on American pork, aDC
then he was filed with wrath anC
Indignation at this hardy Teuton
who dared to entertain views hoetil,
to the welfare Of him, Hiram Porker
For aught he knew, Victoria Regini
was the queen Of the Oannibal Is
lands. and the Czar Of the Russia
held high revelry with his court a
| North Pole One brief sentence viii
concisely sum up the character of N,
"hero." and just az correctly as page
of biographical data. He was ho!
by name and hog by nature.
At this stage when he appears t
the reader, we find him successfu
man, a moneyed man therefore a fiji
ting claimant to the shrine that re
ceives the homage aud devotion c
the lucre. loving West. The hour
of daylight still found him at his poe
of duty counting the hogs as the
rolled in their life blood down th
greasy inclined planes, and shoutin
hoareely TO his men in phrases {