Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-06-29
Humor In Court.

amusing remarks. lawyers and prison
ers alike being guilty on tn score.
Curran. the Irish advocate. was one
day examining witness. and failing
to get direct answer said:
There is no use in asking you ques-
tons. for | see the villain in your
face"
"Do you. sir?" replied the man.
with smile. "FaiX. | never knew
before that Any face was looking
glass"
Il remember" says Lord Eldon,
Mr.. Justice Gould trying case at
York. and when he had proceeded for
about two hours he observed;
/" Here are eleven jurymen in the
box. Where is the twelfth?.'
&" Please YOU. my lord, said one of
the eleven. he has gone away about
some business, but he has left his ver
dict with me.
This is almost on par with case
tried in one of the Lancashire courts.
when Sergeant Cross Was resident
barrister IN that county The jury
having consulted and agreed upon
their verdict, were addressed by the
clerk OF the peace:
How say you. gentlemen of the
jury; do You find for the plant fl or the
defendant"
''What say you? dunnot UNDER
stand said the foreman.
why. as you have decided. ali l
want TO know is whether your verdict
is for the plaintiff or the defendants"
The foreman was still greatly en-
barrassed. but he replied:
''Whoy, | rally dunnot know. but
we'er for him as Mester Cross is for"
Lord Cock burns looks. tones lam
guage and manner were always such
as TO make one think that he believed
every word he said. On one occasion
before he was raised to the bench,
when defend ne murderer. although
he failed 10 convince the Judge and
jurymen of the innocence of his client,
yet he convinced the murderer. him.
self that he was innocent. Sentence
of death was pronounced and the day
of execution was fixed for. say the
twentieth of January. As lord Cock
burn WAS passing The condemned man
the latter seized hm 10y the gown, say
ing:
II have not justice, Mr., Cockburn-
l have not got justice.
To Tn S the advocate coolly replied:
Perhaps not; but you'll get it on
the twentieth of January D."
Witty and humorous replies, how
ever are not confined TO law courts,
so we may leave the judges and Their
satellites and gather up Il few frag-
ments elsewhere. An Irish recruit
about TO be inspected by Frederick the
Great was told that he would be ask
these questions: How old are you?'
''How long have YOU been in the ser.
Weep Are you content with yonr
pay and rationS?' He prepared his
answers accordingly. 1t so happened
however that the king began with the
second question:
How long have you been in the SER
Weep
Paddy glibly replied:
Twenty years.
Why" said the king, chow old are
youT
az months"
six months!' exca med the king;
"surely either YOU or must be mad. "
yes. both. your majesty. confess
sion scarcely anticipated by the royal
examiner
A good story is told of general and
his W fe resident in Ireland. who were
constantly pestered by a beggar woman
to whom they had been very generous.
One morning, at the accustomed hour,
when the lady was getting into her
carriage, the old woman began:
'Agh! my Lady, success 20 yer lady
ship, and success to er honor's honor,
this morning of all the days in the
year, for sure didn't | drame last
night that her ladyship gave me
pound of tav. and yer honor gave me a
pound Of tobacco
But my good woman sad the
general, 'do y on not know that dreams
always 20 by the rule of contrary.
do they so, phase yer honor" re-
joined the old woman. Then it must
be yer honor that will give me the tay,
and her lad ship that will give me the
tobacco.
While dealing with the Emerald
Isle, we may be allowed to quote sew
eral other equally witty and anus ng
repl es, such as could only proceed
from IA warm hearted son Of Erin. 1t
is sa Il that when Sir Richard Steele
was asked how 1t happened that his
countr, men made so many bulls. he
replied:
1T is the effect OF the climate, sir.
If on Englishman were born in Ire
land he would make as manr.'
He was, perhaps inten-
tionallt-guiltv Of making bull
while seeking to explain their origin.
- u aUeriy Magazine.
Pretending to be Crippled.