Morning journal and courier., 1888-06-15
STATED.

The rate that ship travels at is knot stated.-Ocean.
 When the captain wants to stop the vessel, does he hoist a stay -saila-Ocean.
 Discouraging ng.-Gentleman-fsH you will get my coat done by Saturday shall, be for ever indebted to youn Tailor-"Oh, if that's your game, it won't be done. "ETexas Siftings.
 Entirely so.-Undertaker {to widow after funeral-s'I trust, my dear madam, that you found my services satisfactory9" Widow "Oh, yes, MT. Mould, Twas very much pleased with everything. ."-The Epoch.
 Getting his moneys worth.-Dealer- sThat hats worth two dollars and half, but will let you, as friend, have it for two dollars" Brown-"An right; but say, the fifty cents goes with the hat, don't it. "- Life.
 A musician recently submitted song to publisher entitled "Why do I livea" After reading small portion of it the publisher wrote the composer as follows: "Because you sent it by a messenger boy. ."-American Mu- sician.
 Mrs Marry well-s'Ah, Jennie, I under stand you are going to marry a secondhand husband" Miss Jennie (who has chosen widower1-"Yes, but I'm a ready maid, you know, and the combination won't be so bad" Washington Critic.
 Theodwinkle Brown sent a dollar to learn how an advertiser could "guarantee man to told to put out $12, ,0o0 at ten per cent. He thinks now that an advertiser of s'How to Get Rich" has a sure thing.-Tid Bits.
 After the play.-Mrs Bjones-Well,I I think that play was pretty stupid. MT. Bjones- Oh, I don't knows my dear. thought it had good plot and was very well acted. Mrs. Biones-That part was all we'll enough, but 1nyk ociH HyIQ in the whole audience.-Life.
 Ecclesiastical item.-Teacher-"Wh are the names of the seven days in the week?" day, Friday, Saturday." ssThat's only six days. You have missed one. When does your mother 20 to churchP' "When pa buys her new hat. at."-Texas Siftings.
 Fears relieved.-Ofics boy (to country ed- itor)-"Man outside, sir, wants to see the ed want of the editora" Boy-"Says he wants to mop the floor with him." Editor (re- lieved)-"Oh, show him in. was afraid it was somebody come to stop his paper."- Life.
 Harsh Treatment.-Bobby Cooking out of the window)-"What's the matter with that horse, mammaan Mother-"The horse is baiky, Bobby; he won't obey his driver" Bobby-"Well, what's the man batting him fort" Mother-s'He ia coaxing him" Bobby (with an injured air)-"That ain't the way you treat me when am balky."
 A news item states that John Murray while at work in 8 quarry "was blown to pieces by the explosion of dynamite and instantly killed" It may surprise some persons to know that the man was instantly killed. It is an intensely painful spectacle to see man lingering several hours after he has been blown to pieces.-Norristown Herald.
 Big Luck.-Smith Qifting the cover of his basket and displaying it full of fishl-"Nice mess, eh, for one days sports" Brown 'sYes; did you catch lem all yourselfa" Smith -".Certainly, of course" Brown-"Where did you catch 'ema" Smith (slylyl-"Oh, in little stream in Pennsylvania. But can't give the snap away, you know, old boy.p Brown (sarcastically) indeed. If knew where could catch Spanish mackerel in Pennsylvania stream, wouldn't give the snap away either. r."-Texas Slftings.