The morning news., 1888-08-26
BRIGHT BITS.

IT is STATED by experienced persons that
lark, which is an excellent thing to rise with, is
an extremely bad thing to 90 to bed on
Time.
TUBBLEY tbashfuliy, and removing his hat
spasmodically)-ls Miss 1remmer in?
Maid--She is; but she's engaged.
Tubbley (who settled things last night)-I
know it; I'm the young man.-1tne.
WOMAN -LIKE-Miss st. Clare from the west)-
What is that bell ringing for!
Saltonstali (concisely)-Fog,
Miss st. Clare-I doh't see why they have to
ring bell to tell that there's fog. Look at
my bangs Time.
: AT NARRAeANsETT PIER.-French Maid-Ah,
mais je suis desoe l cannot re bazing costume
of madam anywhere find in ze trunks
Mrs. Shapey-Did you look in my pocket
book, Marie? l may have put it there by mis-
take.-TOlcn Topics,
DuMLEY (who has given Featherly a drink
from his private bottle(-Do you believe in free
whisky, Feathery2
Featherly UastinS tAe whisky)-well-er yes,
Dumley; | think such whisky as this ought to
be free-Ne0 York san.
A NEW York POLITICIAN is so fond of being
"deadheaGedn everywhere that when some OF
his friends were debating how TO get hun to
attend church, one of them said: Charge an
admission fee and he'll be after pass before
breakfast. Shoe and Leather Reporter.
SkIDNoRE-I was absent from the city six
weeks this summer. and on my return the gas
company, to my amazement-
Dusenb bury-Seut you bill for gas consumed
during the entire period Of your absence, eh?
Skidmore-No, they didn't; that's what
amazed me.-Itme
''DooToR" said citizen, who was after some
free medical advice Il am restless, and sleep
but little. Can you tell me what position
ought TO take TO obtain rest?'
Yes, sir. d" replied the physician, you take a
good fat government position and you will have
no trouble about rest >-Epoch
AFTER THE MUs1cALE-Miss Screecher-well,
dear, how was my voice tonight? Did it I'LL the
room?
Miss veracity-At first it did, but after
wards -
Miss Screecher-wellY
Miss Veracity--It emptied it.-Time.
Miss ETHEL of Boston-I understand, Clara,
that young Mr.. Mason, who was attentive to
you last month, is engaged to Miss Racket of
Philadelphia.
Miss Clara of New York-Yes; released Mr..
Mason on a Thursday, and do you know that it
wasn't two days before he had signed with that
Philadelphia girl-Ttnle.
81 SAY, Bake" said Socrates to Bacon, as they
meandered through Hades looking for a boy
who sold palm leaf fans, suppose we ask for
leave of absence to go up on earth and cool off
for awhile"
Go up on earth and cool off,
That's what | said. "
sock old fellow, you certainly haven't been
reading the weather reports from earth. Take
my advice and stay where you are.-Merchdnt
TFdUeler.
"No, said the theater manager, 81 don't want
any society favorites to play at my house this
season. had two last season and there wasn't
| enough to pay for the gas in the house the four
weeks they were here"
YES, said the advance agent, '.but this is a
different kind. This one lives with her husband"
"Great Scott! Why didn't you say that be-
fore, man? OF course I'll bill her for two weeks
this winter, and two next spring. If we get
that fact about her living with her husband in
the papers the house won't hold the people.
I've been looking six months for drawing nov
city. y."-Boston Transcript