The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-09-26
HUMOR OF THE DAY,

hOh UT IhE bAIs
A fine place-A police court.
A sugar trust-Candy on tick. az.
The first theft-The baby's crib.
Heavy readiDg-A ships log book.
Misplaced affection A lost love let
ter.
Spot cash-The price paid for real es-
tate.
Writers of fiction generally have a
good many novel ideas.
Advice to a dressmak ker-Be sure
you're right then gore ad.-Lte.
To forge Il successful chain of evidence
requires qualities of the lynx. -Sitings.
Bachelors and old maids are naturally
quite self possessed. oil city Derrick.
The left bower-the man who isn't
recognized by the lady to whom he lifts
his hat.
1t is quite paradox for an English
lady to quest her page to turn over a
new leaf.
"Strange" aud "queer" are synonyms,
but passing strange" aud 'passing
queer" are not.
1t is a curious thing that on the rail
roads it is the freight rather than the
steam that makes the cargo. o.-Hdrper's
Basdr.
A scotchman said that he did not
leave his country for wax; he had
enough of that there Commercial Id
griiser.
You can't always Judge of the quality
of citys inhabitants by the Sample
men" it sends over the country Pitts
bury Chronicle.
The difference between n ripe water
melon and tailor made suit-One is fit
to cut, ard the other is cut to fit. De
tr0it Free Pres.
We have at last found out why pretty
things are called "knobby." 1t is be.
cause they are something to a door,
Burlington Free Press.
"You don't seem to relish wit much
this morning." said a would-be wag.
"Iou haven't tried me yet" was the
cruel reply. '-NeiO Tor5 Neus.
Mr.. Oldbeau (meeting an old flame at
the Springs)-'I tell you, my dear Mrs.
Passay, saratoga isn't what it used to
be-" Mrs. Passay (bluntly)-"No, Mr..
Oldbeau, nor we either, '-iSytingS.
To dream of ponderous whale,
Erect ON the tip of his tail,
Is the sign of a storm
tlf the weather is warm,
Unless it should happen to fail.
-NeW York Star.
The rooster would be a much more
popular bird if it could only be induced
to feel that there is no real vital neces-
sity for its reporting its whereabouts be-
tween midnight aud three A. M-Nen
York HeraH.
Mr. Yeast lin restaurant, after order.
ing breakfast) --"So you say you are
passionately fond of dogs" Mr.. Bacon
Il Just adore them" Waiter, breaking
in suddenly you are, sir, here's
your sausage sir"
Full of Interest. The "Forty Thieves"
has been played in Montreal recently,
and local paper observes the best seats
in the orchestra were filed by former
residents Of New York, who enjoyed it
immcnsely.-NTcUrB.
Tender and Juicy. Lady to
butcher-'I want to get a couple O.
pounds o. meat for a dog" Butcher
wv apping up the meat U-"There you
are, madam; | think you'll find that
VERY nice. ."--Nslo Yorb Dispatch.
A Portland (Me,) doctor carries cane
in which are contained some small sur
gical instruments aud thread. 1t is very
convenient. lie can break a mans head
with the cane and then sew it up while
lie waits -Ba{Hgtol Free Press.
"'Twenty Years Whaler,'n SAID the
old A gghgAlf4aef.r
a cOntemptuous pucker of his lips the
title of new book. Twenty years!
Kin beat that record by more'n fifteen
years, b gosh - Chicago IriuHc.
Some women will say twas a tell-tale bird
That whispered TO her the scandal or won
But oft from the size of the tale, it's in
Ierryt
That the birdmg5t be surely a condor.
-Detroi FIRES Press.
Charlie walking out with his sweet
heart )-"Now that we are in the coun-
try, darliRg, we can tell our little love
secrets without fear OF being overheard
Chariie2 You must re.
member that even corn has ears. "-De-
troll Free Press.
Summer Visitor lat farmhouse to old
sou, l understand, is a
pedagogue in Boston" Old lady-I
guess rot, unless it happened lately.
When be writ me last month he was
teachiu' school and doin' right smart"
. WASHINGTON Critic
Young Mrs Perkins Cat market for
the first time) -"AIe you sure this chick.
en- isn't an old hem It feels very
tough. Marketman--'I can assure you,
ma'am, that fowl is very young. Open.
ing bill of the biped) ''See, it hasn't
a SINGLE tooth yef - Mrs Perkins takes