The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1888-09-21
Wit and Humor.

Vhen cat gives an entertainment |
from the top of wall it isn't the cat
we object to, it's the waul.
If most people only knew as much
as they think they know they wouldn't
talk so much about it.
1t must be terrible hard work to
hold office, so many occupants are OBJ
liged TO go away for needed rest.
Now is the time of the year when
the much suffering small boy gets
shingled by the barber and his mother
too.
There is only the difference Of an
"s" between woman's weakness and
mans weakness. One is gossip and
the other go sip.
Some people who attempt to regu
late the morals of the people cannot
look at an approaching policemen
without shudder.
You can tell when a dog is warm
the same as you can tell dude when
you meet him on the street-by his
loud pants.
Judging from the number of coun-
terfeiters arrested lately, the Italian
immigrant seems to think this great
country to make money in.
Unmarried lady.-It must be great
thing when husband and wife are of
one mind. Married lady.-That de-
pends on whose mind it is.
Il" ! notice you never try to shine in
conversation, Bromley" "Well, no.
Fact is, Darringer, it keeps me busy
trying to conceal my ignorance"
People who keep summer boarding
houses are beginning to wonder by
this whether city people really eat
that way all year round
What's that2 A woman can't keep
a secreti Just try to find out the age
of one of the dear creatures and let
us know how you come out
Alberto-O, darling, love you;
listen to my prayer. Elsie-Your
chances are better if you'll go to the
piano and sing the latest song. l hate
preaching.
$50 this is Castle Gardeni" were
his first words as he landed "Well, ]
suppose the next thing in order is to
blow up the police!"
Ethel-Papa says the money mar
ket is unsteady. Edith--Why. I'm
Gle George said this evening thatlmoney
was tight. Ethel-Well, that's what
makes it unsteady.
+" See here, Brown, you took thai
umbrella from my Office and want
it." ~ know l did. but this umbrells
belongs to Smith, "What if it does
! stole it first"
Mrs. Parshley (as the boat pitches {
tri1e)-How delightful this litti
swell is, Mr.. Parshley? Young Brock
elsby (complacently)-I always try t.
be entertaining, Mrs. Parshley.
A fashion writer tells us that puff
are quite the proper thing in female at
tire this season. 1t is noticed that &C
tresses continue to come to newspa
pers for them as heretofore.
She (at Manhattan Beach)-Wha
is that the orchestra is playing, Mr.
Sampson? He-Mendelssolin' "Wed
ding March" She-O, is iti / hav
so often longed to hear it.
An Atchison lady was asked wha
she thought would be the first thin,
women would do if they had the max
ing of the laws, 'Limit the number o
lodge meetings. was the reply.
"Pa, what's an anomaly" asket
Bobby, looking up from his book
"That the American eagle is baldhead
ed, yet there are no flies on him." re
piled pa, viciously slapping his shir
ing pate.
"Now, John, said his wife as sh
was about starting for the countr,
''be careful about drinking ice-water.
"Maria,' he responded reassuringl
but unthinkingly. l won't drink
drop of water while you're gone
Mrs. Smith (eugaging servanD-
Can you write? Servant-Yes, ma al
Mrs Smith-Well, here is card; wri
my name on it. Servant writes ''Mr
A. B. Smythe.") Mrs Smith Qookir
atit)-You are engaged.
The watering place letter that has
receipted hotel bill written into
body for publication is somewhat sic
ening, and cannot be regarded as reli
bic when speaking of rooms and boa
in glowing terms.
At the seaside: Dorothy-But, Ht
man, l can't answer you now. IL
give me time to think before l rep
Herman with rapturous passion)
Certainly, my own angel. But dol
make it too long, because it costs I
$5 day at this beastly hotel.
Wife (at breakfast)-I took spec
pains with the breakfast this mornir
John. Ia everything all right HI
Well-er-er-th coffee il
little too hot, Wife, am clad of
for your sake, dear. You wouldn't
happy if you weren't little bit diss
isfied
Prospective -ln-law-- Modern CT
tom justifies me in asking you h,
much you are going to give yc
daughter in case we marryf Prospe
i've father-in .law-Yes, and mode
custom justifies me in asking you h,
many of your debts you expect to p
with my money.
Miss Pert Gust arrived from city
Have you been enjoying yourself, \
Dasherf Mr.. Dasher (who has be
at seaside two weeks)-No. It's q
fully dull, you know. No excitem,
nobody drowned-nothing at
Miss Pert-Well, somebody must st
the fun' why don't youl
81 see that canaries are the favor
birds in your saloon, said custom
to barkeeper, as he pointed to Sc
raj cages hanging over the bar, 9Th;
where you make a mistake" said
drink dispenser. "Why,' what Il
ara tho ,noaf popular hirda har