Wichita eagle., 1888-07-15
BILL ME ON PosTMAsTERs.
Rs Used to Be Ono Himself and He
Knows the R0pes.

BILL NYE ON POSTMASI ERS.
Rs Used to Be One Himself and He
Knows the Ropea
Tho New York postof3ee is large, digni-
ded building, situated right where the roads
| fork, being the place where you turn Oh TO
the right from the main Travelled road In or
der to get to the bridge 1t is used partly fcc
| postoff1ce and partly for court house, so
| that one end Of the building practically pays
the expenses OF the other end A self sup
| porting postoflce and court house here,
| where competition is hot and rents high,
would naturally show that times are good
and money plenty.
Mail comes here from all foreign countries
and Europe also. It is distributed at once,
and one is permitted to mail letter at any
time, day or night Its wonderful In tail
buildings now there IL an arrangement by
which one may shoot his letters into run
way or f1ume, and they viii be carried into q
United States mail box on the ground floor,
where Trustworthy young man In speckled
straw helmet comes and fills his valise with
them, after which he carries them away to
the postof6ce and personally uses his inf1u
snce with the postmaster to have them sent
away BY the early train.
l stood near the small box at the bottom Of
the chute in the Standard OIL building the
other day, and though l remained there only
ten or fifteen minutes l counted forty nine
letters as they were laid, ono by one, hot
from the cackling typewriters above, and all
no doubt reeking with the bloody and start
ling statement, coming like peel Of thunder
from an unpeeled sky, ''Dear Sir-Your
ASfaoYrad 81 ho -fh inst milf
proxy is before me- In reply would say"
etc. There's Just about as much use in this
opening as there would be il stating that
1--WE take our pen in hand" or in opening q
prayer by reading the minutes Of the prevt-
GUS meeting.
The New York postoffice Is directly con-
nected with the dead letter office at Wash
ington, and those who have never CORE
fponded with that prosperous morgue have
missed good deal
The dead letter office is, after ell, great
boon, though it does not return some things
which reach it. A man in Saginaw, Mich,
mailed pair of dress shields by mistake
which he had bought for his wife, and
though that was two years ago come July
they have never been returned Another
man in Nashville, Tenn, enormously mailed
porous plaster which was almost as good as
new, and though he has threatened to go
down there to Washington and identify it
and expose the whole system Of the dead let
ter office till he got his property back, moth
ing as yet has been done about it.
len years ago, even, there were 5000, 1000
letters sent to the dead letter Office in one
year, of which IS, 900 had no county OF state,
1900 lacked stamps, and 5000 were posted
without any address at all. Ninety-twa
thousand dollars in cash and over $780, Oe
in drafts were contained in these letters Il
appears that right straight through every
letter sent to the dead letter Office contains
on an average 81, so mine really fell below
the average.
Queer things happen to letters even when
they do not get to Washington. A Wyo-
ming postmaster used to claim that circular
letters unsealed, if not called for within
day or two, were good things to use in start
ing the fire. He therefore kept coal hod
near the general delivery, which constituted
a little private dead letter Office for his own
special use. One day his children were play
ing tag with each other inside the postoffice
and canceling each others nose with the NJ.
o. B. stamp, when suddenly they decided to
Using cards. In each of two large circular
envelopes they found a smaller sealed letter
which had worked in by showing large
mass of letters together for cancellation.
The children had torn these two letters open
and were playing Fourth of July and Rally
Round the Flag, Boys, with $40 check and
a 5000 draft when the old gentleman looked
up. Justice compels me to say, however,
that he spanked the children soundly for his
carelessness and refused to let them have fun
with his dead letter Office after that.
BILL NYE
p S-Since the above was written white
woman's scalp has been received at the dead
letter office. The lady, in an absent minded
way, forgot to mail herself, and according to
the rules Of the Office she cannot now recover
it. 3. n.
New York World.