St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-01-07

''That is . dreadful charge, Polly.
winkum," said L what are you go
ing to do about it?"
"TIl engage Mr.. McIlwaine to defend
me-" replied the little bakeress. rum
ming to look into an oven. But. some
how. her face was red even before she
opened the oven t'oor!-Good Cheer.
THE sHREW0 TAcTlclAN.
4 Pleasant ladivsd.al whose Career h
Ever Upward and Onward.
Frank Smoothbaw was . man Of
illimitabie tact. Inever saw his equal.
He had that happy faculty. possessed
BY few. Of 50 greasing the ways OF pub
lie and private opinion as to launch
himself without friction into tho waters
Of his personal ambition. Nobody ever
thought Of rcpfning because Of Smooth
baw's progress - contrasted with his
own infelicity in getting ahead; tor
whenever Smoothbaw got onto . new
good thing or mounted a few rungs
higher up the ladder Of fame, he 50
contrived it that he appeared to he act
ing in Difference to universal desire
rather than Of being governed by selfish
considerations. and by consequences the
public regarded him in tie light of q
martyr who was ever willing to lay
hold Of the fat things of earth-and in
cidentally the pay and emoluments-
solely for their benefit and pleasure.
Smoothbaw possessed that invaluable
gift Of never forgetting . name. Says
George Colman. the Younger. In praise
Of one Of the children Of his imagina-
ton:
Pour but secret in him. and Z would glue him
Like rosin on well corked bottles snout;
Had twenty devils come with corkscrews 70 him,
They never could have screwed The secret out"
Substituting ''name'' for .'secret."
and the lines describe Smoothbaw per-
fectly. A name once given to his keep
ing was q sacred treasure to be guarded
religiously; it was like aninherited dis
ease, something that he couldn't get rid
Of, an he would. Smoothbaw was never
forced into those weak subterfuges
which compel men when addressing
another to say ''mister," with a note OF
interrogation and pause after it, that
the person addressed might supply that
which was wanting, or which lead them
into the adoption OF such aliases ~
s.Ferguson' or ''Snigglefutx," or that
make them ridiculous by the use OF
such expressions as Il say. your OF
..Hullo therer' And never was he
heard TO utter the unsatisfactory ex-
cuse OF mot being able to remember
names, and never was he obliged to
~ point-blank what . mans name
- M, he never forgot = name he
had once heard; Indeed. whef you
come to that, he never hcsitated about
calling a name. nor made . mistake in
the calling. whether he had ever heard
it or not. He apparently knew in
tuitively the name of every one with
whom he came in contact and he was
sure to pronounce the name correctly
that is to say. as its owner pro-
nounced it-with the proper infection
and with an air Of Difference which
made the man his bonded slave for life.
and with sweetness Of uttcrance that
made the homeliest Of names sound
grand and mellifiuous.
And then such gift At hand-shak-
ing! He would seize one mans hand
with ardor. as having discovered q
lonx-lost treasure. but gently withal.
aud with q meekness which seemed to
saw that he was aware that he was tax
ing an unwarranted liberty. but really
the temptation is 50 great. you know.
And when he pressed the hand that he
had presumed to touch. he did not
squeeze it into jelly. as some dunder-
heads are fond Of doing. neither did he
handle it as If it were an unclean thing
and Shiny. His clasp was happy
compromise between the two extremes.
The hand which he held was embraced
As something which he could not resist.
and at the same time something too
precious to handle roughly. And he
did not retain . hand until its owner
began to feel self-conscions and awk-
ward. He released it readily. though
with apparent reluctance. and without
any Of those uncouth movements which
are highly appropriate to the handle OF
Z pump, but quite inconsistent with
personal dignity or comfort when .
human arm is substituted for the pump
handle.
Then, in conversing with Smoothbaw
it was 30 gratifying to ones self-love
to have him seize upon some clumsy
remark Of yours and, translating it into
clear and vigorous language. remark
deferentially. ''as you say" thus giving
vou the credit which clearly belonged
to himself. IL he could see tit never
occurred to you that he did see it-and
actually succeeding in making you
think that you really had said just what
he 20 artlessly put into your mouth.
Smoothbaw was = ready speaker. but
he never seemed to be talking; he ap.
peared always to be listening. always
laughing-not obtrusively. however,
at somebody's jokes. always directing
the conversation int" paths where
othets loved to meander, always giving
way to any body. every body.
And for all this, Smoothbaw' course
was ever onward and upward. He
never showed any eagerness to get any
where or any thing. His whole end
and aim in life was TO push others
ahead; but, in spite Of all. hs got there
lust the Same. and the others got left
|-Doseow 1!aaserips.
"A new source Of error In marine
.h.nror,>t>vs has heen discovered in