The Grenada gazette. (Grenada, Miss.) 1885-18??, 1888-10-25
a BACHELORS WOOING.
Making a Queer Mistake, He Con-
cludes Not to Wed.

cluQeS MOI 10 WeQ.
. The hero Of our sketch We will cal
Jonas jerks. A natural feeling Of
sympathy torbids our using his real
name, and ~ he is an extremely sen.
sltlve old gentleman, he might not care
TO be made a subject OF merriment for
our readers.
Jonas jerks was what all the world
would call q '~cleyer fellow" but be-
'yond that, his good qualities were few.
He was looked upon with the same
feeling that you would regard the
stump of an old tree that neither bore
leaves to shade you in summer nor
fruit to pay for its keeping through
the winter. He was styled neither
wise, useful nor agreeable. He was
not agreeable, because he did not
make himself entertaining to the ladies'.
he was not useful, for he never looked
beyond his immediate personal wants;
and he showed great lack Of wis
dom in living forty years alone. when
he might have been blessed with
Gods best gift to man'-woman.
He did not acquire wealth, because it
needed two heads like his to make
money and take care of it. He was
ever dropping his buttons in the street,
and spending money for pins; he wore
his stockings without heels or toes,
and ate from his unwashed dishes day
by day, all for the want of a little
energy to LOOK around for a wife.
Still Jonas was a clever fellow, and
at that age even, his friend, Otis
Barker, thought he would make an
excellent husband for his sister, who
was yet on the sunny side of thirty,
and still looking quite youthful. Call
ing on the bachelor in his solitary
abode one morning, Otis found him
crouching yer the stove and looking
downcast and sad.
Jonas, said he, II think ! know
what ais you"
What makes you think any thing
ails me?" gruffiy replied the bachelor.
Because you are not lively and
happy. You are lonely, and want
society. No one enjoys life without
some friends. In short, you want a
wife; and my advice to you is to get
married"
''Ah, that is very good advice, my
friend; but | have got along these
forty years without a wife. and I guess
I shall have to finish out the rest in the
same way"
because you have been a fool forty
years is no reason why you should be
a greater n for the next forty, or as
many as you may live, which, l think,
is quite likely to be sixty
"Hem!-wcll; Oesting aside) I do
believe if | had taken a wife twenty
years ago, should have been quite as
well off for it now; but who would
think Of marrying an old-fashioned
mar with the wrinkles on his cheeks
of forty winters?"
20, that is nothing against you.
There is many a smart damsel who
would jump at the chance Of signing
herself Mrs. jerks
II don't want an old maid, anyhow!
If | ever do get a wife. will 90 ont of
the family for her. If | could cage
sprightly lass of eighteen or
twenty, | do not know but | might be
tempted. But this counting business I
know nothing about, you see. | could
not think of putting On Il dickey every
Sunday night and sitting up straight
till midnight. No, no. That would
be paying too dearly for a thing in ad-
vance,
well, Jonas, think on the whole
that you are too lazy to live, if the
truth was known" said Otis, as he
turned on his heel to 90.
you DO, Ell? Well, stop a moment.
! am up for q bargain. Come, show
me one Of those nice girls who you
seem to think are so plenty
''Go and find them for yourself, as
other men do. If you are pleased to
visit my family, you will have the OPP
portunity Of seeing agreat deal of COM
pany. will introduce you to my sis
ter for one, and she will introduce
you to others, and"
Enough. will spend the evening
with you this very night"
Thank you. shall be very glad to
see you"
. The friends parted, and Jonas thick
head was full OF new ideas throughout
the day.
At six o'clock he stood before his
mirror-a triangular piece OF broken
lo%oking-glass adjusting his dress for
the anticipated visit. He had already
tried on several dickies, had parted his
hair in four different lines, besides
having scraped nearly all the enamel
from his tobacc0.stained teeth, ana