davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1888-05-03
a DISGUISED GROCER.
An Austin Herring-MOnger's Experience
With an Educated Clerk.

An Austin Herring Monger's Experience
With an Educated Clerk.
One of the wealthiest and most in
telligent ladies of Austin entered Mr..
Converts grocery establishment, on
Austin avenue, and, pointing a jew
eled finger, said to the new clerk:
Send me home bushel of them
pertaterses.
Il suppose you mean a bushel of
potatoes said the clerk smiling in a
supercilious manner. Them perta-
tcrses' is hardly good grammar"
The lady flounced out of the store
gritting her teeth. When the pro-
prietor of the store heard that he had
lost one of his best customers he, too,
gritted his teeth. At first he thought
that he would discharge the clerk,
but on reflection, as clerks were scarce,
he contented himself with telling him
that his business was TO sell goods, and
not to correct mistakes in grammar.
"All right, sir.,.' responded the clerk.
Il shall not seek to enlighten your
ignorant customers again"
After that things went on smoothly.
H0 liotlScSA Juoo
hocked to his new clerk. He was
kept busy all the time. The custom
ers did not care to have any but that
particular clerk to wait on them. At
the same time. he could not help no.
ticinG that the amount of cash taken
was not as large as the run
of customers seemed to us
tlfy. One morning the proprietor
seated himself near the clerk and pre-
tended to be reading paper A col
ored woman came in and made some
purchases. When it came to settling.
she counted up:
Ten pounds of coffee at twenty
cents pound make forty cents; ten
cents for soap, ten cents for blueing,
and thirty cents for starch makes fifty
cents" and putting down a dollar,
asked for thirty-f We cents change
which the clerk promptly gave her.
Hold on. there! That's all wrong!"
..Of course it's all wrong" respond
ed the clerk. calmly; 'but- l don't
consider it my duty to teach your GUS
toners arithmetic. did start out to
teach them grammar when they asked
for them pertaterses, but you told me
all had to do was to sell them goods.
If you are not going to let me correct
their grammar, don't see why l
should correct their arithmetic.
That's the last college graduate
that I'll hire for q clerk remarked
the proprietor. when he got through
putting the ex-clerk ou. into the
street. -Teras Siftings.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1888-05-03
DAkOTA'S DIVISION.
Senator Spooner's Self-Evident and His
ly-Transparent Humbug.

Senator Spooner's Self-Evident and High
ly-Transparent Humbug.
The humbuggery of partisan poll
tics is well illustrated by theespeech Of
Senator Spooner on the question Of
Dakota's division into two or three
Republican States. Mr.. Spooner spoke
for the Republican party-the same
party whose spokesman for fifteen
years past have held up as one of the
bugaboos of Democratic success that
Texas would be cut up into four
Democratic States. Contemplating
the self-same scheme by the Repub-
licans of Dakota-as real in this case
as it was chimerical in the other, Mr..
Spooner declares that the country
wants omore big States like Texas.
They are too big. 1t must have more
small States-the more the better If
the material out of which they are to
be constructed is Republican. Three
months from now, neither Spooner
nor any of his associates will be will
ing to assert that Texas is too large.
In the heat of the Presidential CAM
paign they will be ready to swear that
Texas is just the right size for State.
and that the demouiacal Democrats
who want to cut it up into half
dozen States should be suppressed by
the troops.
As in the matter of rebel claims,
the thing which Republicans in fine
frenzy have assumed that the Demo-
Gratis would do. they themselves have
sought to do. They predicted Demo-
cratic schemes to divide Texas for
political purposes. They are them
selves the hackers of bill to divide
Dakota with less reason, for the sams
purpose. Chicago Herald
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1888-05-03
OLD SAWS IN RHYME.

Living from hand to mouth; strong as an OK
AS weak as dish water; as sly as a fox
1he 1arthest way round is the nearest way
As bad as they make 'em; az tight as drum.
A fox shouldn't the Judge be at trial of a goose;
0e laughs IN his sleeve; every thing has Its
Mis1ortunes do never come singly; keep mum;
MAKING hst OF it; under his thumb.
diamond cut diamond; like father, like son.
No love lost between them; womans works
never done.
Biting your nose OF to spite your own face.
VINO cnases shadow has wearisome race.
Don. stag before breakfast or you'll cry before
night;
AS dead as door nail; spelling for fight
penny worth of mirth beats pounds worth
OF sorrow:
As dry as fish; break to-day, buy tomorrow.
Be honest although in the poorhouse you die;
God dontlet the trees grow up into the sky.
Asproud as peacock; as dull as a hoe;
Before you can say Jack Robinson, O.
AS meek as Moses; as innocent as lamb.
Doesn't care fig; not worth tinker's dam.
Up to-day. down tomorrow; as cross as bear;
As happy as clam at high water; like air.
Who awaits dead mems shoes may barefooted
long go;
A diamond in the rough and long row to hoe.
AS pretty as a picture; ugly as sin;
When good luck is knocking the door let him
in
The apple of his eye; fortune favors the brave {;
Small gifts nursed to mountain size grow; q
close shave.
AS heavy as lead and as light as feather;
It's all in a life time: there's nothing like
leather.
Business is business; tn games not worth the
candle:
It all ends in smoke: flying OF of the handle.
II. @. Dod1e. in Detroit Free Press.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1888-05-03

| Mr.. Street on the bench beside him.
The cashier sank into the proffered
| seat The buzz of voices in the court,
| room came to him in indistinct muir
murs, like sounds a great distance
away. An6. all the time. the man at
his side kept talking on in a desultory
| fashion.
1.-The fellows up for larceny" he
said. Queer you hadn't heard about
it. Your stranger here. amt your
He's the same one that robbed the
Kerrin's Saving Bank in '76 P'raps
you recollect. He owned up to it
when he found they knowed it. He S
| been on the stand all the morning.
They're waiting for him now"
The loquacious stranger craned
his neck around to get better view.
Mr.. Street felt that he should faint
or shrek if something didn't happen.
Something did happen.
There he is!'' exclaimed the
stranger; 'that's him on the witness
stand. He's a holding up his hand to
be sworn. l guess you'll have to
stand up to see him.
Tho cashier staggered to his eet.
II looked at the people, the ceiling.
the clock-it was just a quarter past
five-the jury, the lawyers, the judge.
Then, with an effort, he raised his
eyes to the prisoner-and-saw-
Not Mr.. mond-but man as
| like him as his reflection in glass.
Like him. but not he. There were
| tho ,,ioroincr tho
strongly-marked features; but this
mans face bore the impress of hard
and reckless life. 1t needed not his
confession of the crime, for Mr..
Street knew, now. beyond per advent
ure, that this was the man with
whom he had grappled ON that event.
full night, six years ago. and that Mr.:
Hammond was as innocent of the
crime as the cashier himself.
For one moment Mr. Street stood
staring blankly at the prisoner. Then,
as the whole force of the revelation
dawned upon him, with an indescrib-
able look of horror and remorse, he
seized his hat and dashed frantically
from the building.
The night train bore away from
Barrville a man who sat bolt upright
in the corner of the seat, with his hat
crushed down over his eyes. He
neithes spoke nor stirred He had
seen the phantom which had pursued
him for the past year, until it had
come to seem living reality. dissolve
and vanish before his eyes. And
it had left him dazed and be-
wildered. He no longer tried to rea-
son it out He doubted his very senses,
and grasped the arm of the seat firm
ly, to make sure that he was not
dreaming. The romance of his life
had departed. He was no longer the
mysterious emissary who carried in
his breast a consuming secret, but a
commonplace business man, whose
thoughts any one might read.
But commonplace people sleep
soundly. That night not dream dis
turbed his slumbers. and the next
morning he went to his desk, matter
of-fact cashier.
| Mr.. Hammond married Miss Wilson.
Mr.. Street never told her his secret.
She asked him about it once, but he
evaded her question. When Mr.
Street congratulated Mr. Hammond,
the latter said:
ID, you know. Street, I used to
fancy you had something against me.
You seemed almost suspicious of me.
1t made me positively uneasy at
times.
| Bat the cashier drew himself up with
dignity, and said:
| DO you take me for fool. sir?"
Hern,iaatus Cob. in The Epoch.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1888-05-03

Ed4
by the controlling Blaine men.
munds is buried in flies.

by the controlling Blame men. Eos
munds is buried in flies.
Connecticut has a favorite son in
General Hawley, a man of great merits,
both personally and politically. But
then General Hawley's record includes
among other things. fatal stand on
the Chinese question. The Pacific
States will never ratify such nomina-
ton at the polls. General Hawley,
too. is MORALLY afflicted with flies.
The whole list of Republican entries
can be gone over without disclosing
the names of any man who has the
power to draw votes to any considerable
extent, and who, at the same time, is
not handicapped by some weakness.
either of personality. position or
record.
There are flies on them all BOSTON
Globe
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1888-05-03

Tape IS no telling what a petit
Jury a,l DO" he's loag been Il saying
among LAWYERS. Here is the latest
Illustration of it in Atlanta: One man
was suing another for Il mule and the
jury broI ght in II verdict for the plain
tiff for $50. On the first ballot they
had stood: Five for 81 for the plaintiff,
three for cents. one for So 90, one
for SIS. 55, and two for $125.-41tlanta
Journal
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1888-05-03

Judge Hare. of Philadelphia, re-
Gently gave his advice to wife beater
who was discharged upon the appeal
OF the abused woman: when you
find yourself getting angry again fill
your mouth with water and keep IT
shut till you cool of.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1888-05-03

At Old Point Comfort-Yo Dung
Lady III hotel Office, uneasily waiting
for uniform and buttons to come over
from the Fort)--" Why doesn't that
man come? don't want to sit around
here all morning holding my hands. !"
Clerk-blushing. but hold Um-er
II beg your pardon, Miss. but if il
would be any accommodation could
hold your hands for you. Critic.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1888-05-03

An Unkind Cut-Minister's Wife
Sunday morning)-"Is it possible.
my dear, that after all you have said
about Sunday newspapers you are
reading one?" Minister Every much
hurt -" You ought to know me bet
ter than that, Maria; this is last even
ing's paper. The Epoch
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1888-02-04
The Austro-oerman Contract.

BERL,N. Feb. 4.-The Reicesganzeiger
says: The governments Of Germany
any Austria have decided to publish the
treaty OF alliance, concluded Dy them on
October 7th, 1879. in order to end the
doubts entertained regarding the purely
defensive intention OF that treaty. Both
governments are actuated by desire to
maintain peace and avert any disturb
ance Of the tranquility OF Europe, and
they are convinced that the publica-
ton Of the treaty will exclude all fur
Their doubt. The terms OF treaty are as
follows: Article first, stipluates that
should either OF the..countries contrary to
the hope and wish of the contracting
parties be attacked by Russia, each is
pledged to assist the other with its
peace upon such terms as both agree TO
accept. Article second, provides that
should either country be attacked
by any other, the other pledges itself
not to support the aggressor but main
tain an attitude Of neutrality. Should
Russia assist the aggressor, however,
article first comes into force and war
operations will then be carried Oh In
common and the terms of peace be con-
Jointly arranged. Article three sets
forth that the treaty being Of peace
full character shall, In order to prevent
misinterpretatiOn, BIZ kept secret
or be communicated to third
power only under consent Of the con-
traotirg parties. Both parties express
the hope that In view OF the, Intentions
announced by the car at o meeting
with the Emperor William 10 Septem-
Der, 1879. that the Russian military pre-
parations may not prove in reality men,
acing to either, and may give no cause
for them to adopt similar measures.
Should this hope, however contrary
to expectation, prove erroneous, both
parties recognize IL to be their loyal duty
to acquaint the czsr with this agreement,
that the attack upon one country may
be regarded rs an attack upon both.
The preamble OF the treaty states: Soon
sidering that the cohesion Of the two
empires will more easily secure their
own safety. while 1t can threaten no
one, and at the same time is well 8dap-
ted to consolidate the peace of Europe
on the basis of the Berlin treaty,
the two emperors, while giving mutual
and solemn promise never to impart an
aggressive tendency in any direction to
their purely defensive agreement, re-
solved 70 conclude an alliance and ap.
pointed as their pleDipotentiaIies
Count Andrassy and Prince Henry, Of
Reuss.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1888-02-04
TELEGRAPHIC BREvITIES.

Minnesota organizes state republi-
can league OF republican clubs.
Matters are as unsettled BIS ever in the
mining regions Of Pennsylvsnis.
1t is stated that Roumsnia proposes to
supply her army with repeating rifles.
The name OF wilford postofilce Stone
wall county, Tex. has been changed to
Tell.
The coinage at the minis during
January was $6,09S, 240, OF which ST.
700. 600 we're standard silver dollars.
The prosecution of Herr Wagner, a
brewer OF Muffin, for alleged treason
able practices, has been abandoned.
The convicted tally sheet conspirators
at Indianapolis are sentenced. Coy gets
Is months, end Bernbeimer gets IL
months.
Large contingents Of ParDellites will
join the group refusing to adhere to the
Gladstone Parnell policy OF non obstruc-
ton.
Prince Ferdinand has reached Slivno.
He has been received by the people
everywhere with the utmost enthusi-
asm.
The tone Of the government organs
on the anti-Sooialist bill indicates q
complete surrender by the government.
The nine missing members OF the Grew
OF the French steamer, SueZ. which
foundered at sea recently. after having
been In collision, have been rescued.
Lord Spencer, In q speech at Manchee-
ter last evening, said the government
would have to answer for their inter-
ference with meetings 10 Ireland.
Mr.. Cox was taken to Limerick and
lodged In the jail there. There was no
demonstration. The bench refused to
comply with his request for longer
sentence In order to enable him to ap-
peal.
Sixteen youths OF Dromore have been
sentenced to imprisonment for one week
with hard labor. for lighting bonflres to
celebrate the release Of VIM. O'Brien.
The sultan has requested the Arme-
MAN patriarch to withdraw his resigna-
tion. The patriarch will defer the mat
ter to the Armenian national assembly.
The foundation stone OF the Irish
National church was laid at Rome.
Archbishop Ryan, Of Philadelphia, as
sisted In the ceremonies and delivered
on grafton,
Archbishop Walsh states that In a
private audience to the Irish bishops the
pope declared that the interests Of
Ireland would be protected.
Senior Rosa, Portuguese minister to
China, has been appointed minister at
Washington, to succeed Senior Noreguas,
who recently died.
1t is stated that Queen Victoria told
DR.. Mackenzie thar she would pay a
visit to San Reno, but would not sojorrn
here.
The crowd prince went on long ex-
cursion yesterday. He was sccompsn-
led by the crown princess, the duke of
Hesse, the princess OF SAKE Meiningen
and DR.. Mackenzie.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1888-02-04
Adam and Eve and That Apple.
A FARMERS YARN!


How many apples did Adam and Eve
eatf Some say Eve and Adam "a total
of1O only. Now we figure the the thing
out far differently. Eve and Adam 8
also-Total 10. Blair's Pharmacy is the
best place for having your prescription
carefully attended to, and yet the above
figures are entirely wrong. III Eve s
and Adam 50 certainly the total will be
DO. Scientific men, however, on the
strength Of the theory that the antedi-
luvians were race of giants. reason
something like this: Eve 81 and Adam
S2-totsl 1853. Farmers Drug store lie q
bazaar for any and every odor of per-
fumery and holiday goods. Wrong
again. What could be clearer than: II
Eve 81 and Adam Sl2-the total was 1893.
If Eve 81 1st and Adam sl2, would not
the total be 1,623? No. 3lS East Com
MERGE street use only fresh and pure
drugs and chemicals. Ibelieve the fol-
lowing to be fair solution: Eve sl4
Adam, Adam Sl24Eve-total s,93s. Tele-
phone No. 296 wishes the public to
know that Adams apple will be con-
tinued next month.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1888-02-04
Seven Victims at Once.

BELMONT, OHIO, Feb. 4.-By the explo-
sion Of a boiler connected with the saw
mill, Abram Arnold ives struck by a
piece Of the boiler and had his head
torn from his shoulders. A neighbor
named Charles Sullivan was thrown 80
yards, half Of the boiler falling on him.
He was literally crushed to q jelly.
Benz. Travis, had the side of his face
crushed and Doth legs and arms broken.
He soon died. Jos. Stubs an employee
was struck In the head by q piece Of
heavy timber and almost instantly
killed. Frank Warren, Samuel Stubs,
and Martin Gillow were terribly soald-
out. Stubs has since died and the other
two cannot recover. The mill was
owned by Arnold and is total wreck.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1888-02-04
THE PADRE ISLAND.
The Engineering Triumph that Bold
Texans, Have Undertaken and
Propose to ACCOMPLISH.

The Engineering Triumph that Bold
Texans. Have Undertaken and
Propose to Accomplish.
The Corpus Christi and Padre Island
HarbOr Co., is the first company ever
organized In North America to build an
elevated railroad out into the sea to
reach natural deep water. This will be
done by erecting iron piers protected by
q sea wall forming one structure. The
wall will be made of marine rock found
In the laguna, and will be forty feet
wide at the base and twenty feet at the
top, which will be five feet above the
surface Of the water. The top OF this
wall Is to be solid concrete. 1t will
begin about 200 yards from the shore
line, leaving the currents OF the gulf to
pass TO and fro as nature has designed.
The estimated distance is 2C0 yards on
iron piers before the wall begins,
1t then runs 700 yards to a point
where six fathoms or thirty.six
feet OF water can be reached. 1t extends
thence 1900 yards parallel with
the island toward the south, and thence
100 yards towards the shore line. This
will form an artificial basin, fully pro-
teoted on three sides. Landing docks
will be constructed within this basin,
put into the piers so as to admit Of
a car coming down without the use OF q
turE-table, and going directly out to the
end of the dock. Vessels will reach the
outer docks In thirty feet of water,
where they will discharge their freights
directly onto the cars. Under the pres
ent calculations 1t Is intended to enable
thirty OF the largest steamers that float
to enter the basin and discharge at one
time. The landing docks are to be 400
feet long, 80 feet wide, and the slips $50
feet in width, each, which dimensions
would afford the facilities ramed. There
are only two structures Of this nature on
this hemisphere, one at Cora, in Brazil,
and the other at Laguyra, on the Csrri-
bean sea, In the Republic OF Venezuela.
President Willett has been engaged on
this work for ten years and has the best
engineering opinions that this can be
done. Valuable grants OF land on the
Padre Island are assured and the COM
paDy propose topush the work The only
difficulty ls the quicksand and currents,
and these difficulties, the proprietors are
confident, the plains will surmount.
Padre Island. IL should be observed is
95 miles long commencing nj Corpus
Christi pass, which separates MastAng
from Padre Island, and the width or the
Island ranges from one mile TO four
miles, it's altitude being some five feet
on q general level above ordinary tides.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1888-02-04
Special Notice.

For Sale or Trade--Corpus Christi
Property.
We have beautiful residence Of seven
rooms, barn, stable, and all necessary out
buildings, together with over seven acres of
land, all nicely improved and situated on the
bluff at Corpus Christi This desirable proper
ty we can sell at the low figure of 5000, and
take one-half in improved San Antonio prop
erty The situation is lovely and everything
in good condition; there is a fine oyster bed in
front and fish tank fifty feet in diameter back
of house. A desirable residence IN every par
ticular.
For Sale.
"a acres, 81 miles from city, all fenced, 20
acres in cultivation, good house, stable aud
chicken house, 100 barrel cistern price, Sl200;
x cash and time to suit purchas err on balance
los
Ladies', Attention
We have for sale a business suitable for one
or two ladies, in a desirable location, now
paying 30 per cent on investment; will require
between 5000 and $1,000 capital; owners de-
sire to leave city. We desire you TO investi-
gate this, for it is seldom an opportunity like
this occurs.
Chicken Ranch.
We have acres of land all fenced; extra
good house. located Just outside OF the city
limits can be bought for what improvements
cost; terms one-hah cash and monthly pay
ments. HAMILTON, HADLEY Co.
Cheap Lots.
We have q few large, cheap lots, located
near the Sunset depot and new public school
building
HAMBLETON HADLEY & co.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1888-02-04

Messrs. Yates, Newton and three other
gentlemen, out shooting yesterday,
Killed 80 quail.
Messrs. Sullivan and Brooks, out yes
terday, killed 80 quail.
Birds are getting more plentiful, as
they are migrating from the coast.
Messrs. Costello, Guessaz, Sullivan
and Garfield, with eight dogs, started
out today for 25-mile shooting trip
south. They will return tomorrow,
loaded, no doubt, with birds.
Chss. Hummel. Brooks and Stockton
are out shooting Is miles southeast.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1888-02-04
A Stabbing ARRAY.

A dance was given last night Ia a pri-
vate residence near the Sunset der ot,
which resulted in quarrel and fight
between q musician named Frank Fa-
bian and youth OF 10 years, Joe Ather-
ton. Anterior was severely stabbed In
the face and chin by Fabian with q
pocket knife. The only cause Of the
cutting, it is said, was that Fabian was
"sore" because he was engaged By
Anterior TO furnish the music for the
dance. and coming late, found other
music engaged in playing.
Fabin lives in a tent on the river bank,
near the Lone Star brewery, though up
to going TO press the police are not able
to discover his present hiding place.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1888-02-04
Go and See Il.

There will be an entire change OF pro-
gramme at the peoples favorite place OF
amusement.the Fashion, during the COM
Ing week. In addition to the many new
faces, attention is called to J. J. Burke's
latest local production, "The Drum
Majors Dream" which will hold the
boards the coming week.