Omaha daily bee., 1888-01-15
PEPPERMINT DROPS.

Oh, young Lochinvar, who came out of the
south,
Will neer again warble Tit Willow:"
For he went to his bed and got down in the
mouth. ~
When he swallowed snide hotel pillow
A pointer on pork--A pigs nose.
The man of brass is always ready to show
his mettle.
Ed-Lend me dollar Al-Ccrtainly; got
change for V.
An old pedagogue says his business is in
collar-and cuff line.
These long winter evenings are we'll suited
to pressing engagements.
a collidc-oscope is about the same thing as
telescope in railroad parlance
There will he few mourncrs when the tele-
graph and telephone wires are buried.
Pocket books with bank note trimmings
and coupon Innings are very fashionable.
Poker players expect that 1883 will be a
good year, as it contains three of Il kind
There is no charm like that of novelty
This is particularly true when applied to
eggs.
Don't go and become a gluttor now. simply
because this year is ante-cen hundred and
ate he ate.
1t is true that the busiest man is the hap
piest man, but he often doesn't have time to
realize it.
Men are not Judged by their deeds nova
mortgages.
The christian railroad men held a confer
ence the other day. No sleeping car porters
were present.
To one distinguished African potentate we
make no compliment. The exception is the
nisgerm the woodpile.
Lo. the poor councilman, whose untutored
mind sees Il job in every ordinance and eX-
poets to raise the wind
Nothing is too small to escape the notice of
the editOr-not even the man who tries to
get his paper for nothing
George w. Childs has paid S20,0OO for
clocks. For that money he ought to have
some pretty good times.
The trouble with most people who believe
that charity begins at home is that they never
go outdoors for exercise.
No, Josef Hoffman,, the little musical
prodigy, is not from Boston. Though he
creates II hub-bub, he isn't one.
The destiny that shapes mans end does
not make good shape without some little as
sistance on the part of the man.
Sometimes there may be found a trace of
sugar on u tiy's foot; but as rule there is
not much to be caught on the fly.
Let us have no more of these press yarns
about phenomenally aged lawyers. 1t makes
it look sif they are afraid to die.
In polite circles the word "drunk'' or sin
tOXicated' is no longer used. "Ovcrestmated
his capacity is the proper thing.
If people themselves were only as good as
they think other people ought to be, how
much better this world would be.
One of the reiging dime musctm attrac-
tions is "Coffey, the thinest man alive" His
first name is probably Boarding House.
Nature seems to have made one sorry mis-
take in fixing things so that a people may
grow in wisdom as rapidly as in numbers.
"What will YOU give me for my horse,
Deacon" Why, you've only got the frame
up, John; when he's done I'll look at him."
A correspondent says that miikwecd is the
proper thing to plant on "a milkman's grave.
He is wrong, though; water-lily is the
thing.
A Belgian scientist says that salt is CON
ducive to longevity. This is a roundabout
way of saying that fresh people are soon
killed Off.
Politicians do not amount to much these
days. The really important people are the
judges at turkey rallies and leaders of the
german.
Michigan makes more shingles than other
states in the union, but, curiously enough it
has no more than than usual percentage of
good boys.
The newspaper man had heard that 'the
proof Of the pudding is in the eating,n and so
when desrous of IA second plate he called for
a revise
When a man becomes firmly convinced
that he is genius, 1t is then that the fringe
slowly begins to form on the bottom of his
trousers leg
Tits is the season of the year when the
man who contrives to live on credit wishes
they would put up in the post-office the sign
post no bills
1t is alleged that the coloring matter of
greenbacks is deadly poison, and yet there
are many men who do not realize the danger
they escaped by being born poor.
"What would civilization be-" asks DR..
Holmes, ''without piano. Among other
things, it would be able to sleep on nights,
besides being thought less unhappy by
day.
Ruskin says "Man should resemble
river We do not know what he means,
but suppose the reason is that in order to
amount to much in society he should own'a
couple of banks.
1.-The coming newspaper" we are told,
twill not print any advertisements We
were under the impression that it is the
going newspaper that does not print any ad-
vertisements, and that that is the reason why
it is going.