The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1888-04-23
THREE YARNS FOR A PRIZE.
Whoppers Told ut Blizzard Time In an Ale-
House aE Barnegat Bay.


whoppers Told ut Blizzard Time In an Ale
House ar Barnegat Bay.
New York sun.
A physician at Yonkers. who Ia also something
OF politician, has comfortable place at
Forked river, Barnegat bay. which 10 open the
year round to his friends for epors or recrea-
ton. The late blizzard caught some OF thsm
down there unprovided with means of indoor
amusement. They were imprisoned nearly a
week, during which time small ale-house was
their only change from the solitude of the lodge.
One day the crowd was yawning ia the ale
house. All things had become anestnuts.
II can tell you story about my dog that's
new, anyhow. gasped Charles Parker
II can beat il for prize, said Ebenezer De
Witt
sYou fellows don't know how to lie," put in
A. J. Prime. sit takes lawyer. / seldom lie
myself, but il there's prize in Is; go ahead"
''Well, this dog, gentlemen" began Parker
loftily, sbeat any rabbit dog that ever lived.
He was faster than the wind Once, on hot
TRAIL he up against ythe. which
had been left blade upright in field He was
going at q terrible pace, and knew what would
happen; so l stopped down by the scythe in
him down the middle. dividing even his tail in
equal parts. AS the two parts tumbled over
clapped them quickly ogether and bound them
up in a hunting coat He going too,
fast that the blood h&dn't had time to SPILL and
OF course the halves grew together. But some
how one half had Topped over just before /
joined them, and when Jack got well he had
two legs on the ground and two sticking up in
the air. He was curious dog after that.
When he barked half bark would come from
the part of the mouth that opened up and the
other half came from the part that opened
down. This defect ANNOYED him, and
he Practiced to remedy it. He got so after
while that after choo-choolng for minute,
like locomotive getting under way, he could
run his half barks together lnso continuous
note like fog-horn. made money out of him
by hiring him out mornings to q box factory
for a steam whistle The most curious thing.
though, was to see him eat. Icus his food into
tiny pieces. He would take orc morsel with
the half of his mouth that opened downward,
and then turn sort of handspring sideways to
his other legs. and eat another morsel with his
othar half mouth When real hungry he would
turn so fast that he looked like two-hundred-
revolution hy-wheel in motion. He never
wagged his tail. The reason was that the mus
cular efforts at waggine, being equally balanced
on each side. counteracted each other. He was
better rabbit dog than ever. for when he
himself off one pair of legs he'd simply turn
side-spring and go It on The other pair. You
couldn't tire him out. It was o great blow to
me when he died"
Mr.. Parker stroked his chin contemplatiYely,
and Ebenezer De Witt said slowly
Your dog was truly wonderful. but he can't
compare with my rawhide traces. bought
them new in Jersey, and first used them to cart
load of wood MP half-miIe hill to my house.
It was raining dismally as loaded the wood on
the wagon, and the rawhide traces got thor
oughly soaked. When all was ready mounted
one of the horses aad drove to the house When
got there found the wagon hadn't budged.
The wet traces had stretched the whole half
mile. Here was bad f1. and az the sun came
out then sat down to think ABOUT it, Thea
the sun got SO hot I went in doors, leaving
the horses standing
when came out minute later the horses
were straining to keep from being pulled down
hill booking down, I my load of wood
running up the hill at a jolly rate. !
puzzled at first to understand what pulling
them, but soon saw that IS the sun dried the
traces they were contracting at the same rate
they had stretched when wet and as tho horses
held the ground at the top of the hill the wagon
had - 81 .AN
formed a company for lifting safes to tenth-story
windows. Jay Gould put n the money and
put IN the traces. We both got rich. The way
lost those traces was in trying to sound the
bottomless spring in Pennsylvania We tied a
weight to one end and dropped it in the spring.
As the weight sank into the depths those
traces spun out till at last they became SC fine
thread that a. butterfly CHANGING to fit against
ONE end snapped short off.
Everybody cried chestnut" at the ccnclus-
ion of this story. When the uproar subsidized Al
Prime began.
"Gentlemen,n he said, 81 have had no
thrilling experience such as yours But tested
some RuaDowder once that proved rather re-
markable- am something OF q sportsman,
as you know, and fond of experimenting with
new brands of powder. On this occasion put
In a. fair charge of the powder and plenty of
shot. and blazed away at white target about
hundred feet away. When the smoke cleared
didn't see mark on the target This seemed
inconceivable, for hatter myself that can hit
three-foot target walked over and looked
at it. Not a scratch on it. I flied a pipe,
HGnEeC IL, ana GnouRnC ABOUT It. 1t wasn't pos
sible could have missed so completely. just
then there was a little humming ia the air and
q rattling on the target. I looked down at il
and found it covered all over wish shot. This
YVES strange. It puzzled me. But at last the
truth broke upon me- scratched my head and
remarked to myself:
'.Great Scott, but that's slow rowderv"
The barkeeper gazed blankly at the crowd
from corner. The tavern cat meowed pit
eously and stroYe to squeeze ont OF q broken
window into the cold, cold storm.
During last Tuesdays election &c Yonkers
lawyer A. j. Prime wore at the polls hlne rib
bon in his buttonhole. One end of it was hid
den in his pocket. To few intimate friends
lawyer Prime showed the hidden end Of the rib
bon. On it hung brown leather medal with a
scarlet center In letters Of gold was engraved
on it the motto:
..--.--.-s.~--.-.-.:
: BOSS LIAR.