The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-02-09
WIT AND HUMoR.
1t REQUIRES a clever surgeon to DIRE

a Woll-WlSnof IS one WHO iuNcSts III
oil territory TEXAS SJtinqs.
When a lawsuit is put off it is by no
means always worn out.-NeD HdUen
Nes0s.
1t isn't more time that Mr.. Keely |
wants. What he wants is eternity
Judge.
The baker thinks it's all right to
sponge his living.-DWtuth Para
grGpher..
They call the connubial tie bow-knot
in Chicago, because it pulls out SO
easily.-Life.
The voice of dog on a raft at sea
is very apt to be bark in distress
NeU Orleans Picayune.
Funny enough the fellow that gets
off his base never gets onto tae even
tenor of his way.-Dulath Farugfaph-
err.
There is man in New York who
has been angry for thirty years on
stretch, 1t Is the worse case OF stand
ing choler that we ever kDew.-1erds
Syfsngs.
A correspondent asks .'if it was
really true that job was troubled with
boils." There can be no doubt that he
was if he had them.-Binghanatofs he
publican.
Michigan makes more shingles than
other states in the Union. but curious
lv enough, it has no more than the
usual percentage of good boys.-Ba1r-
lington Free Press.
It is easy enough to pay fifteen cents
a drink for whisky; but when 1t comes
to buying shoes for the baby. and that
sort of thing, it beats all how the
money slips away.-Puc6.
Mrs. Chargeitplease-Good morn
ing, Mr.. Tapemeasure. ] should ike
to see something in the way OF small
check. Mr. Tapemeasure (fervently)
So should Detroit Free Press.
A strange thing: Jones-Strange
thing, Mirandy; every time you draw
a breath somebody dies. Mrs. Jones
We'll. / amt doing to stop breathing
on that account.-1e1 rs Siftings.
A hole in the ground and smell OF
gas sold for s., 600 in Ohio the other
day. The hole was found to be all
right. but the smell of gas disappeared
with the owner of the land.-Detroit
Free Press.
1.-The Family Buttonhole Attach
meut" is being extensively advertised.
and it comes across the sedge-grass OF
the average mind that something new
has been invented for baby's mouth
1td- Bits.
McKenzie-"What delightful thing
it would be if some one would invent
new.fgure for the german; MISS
Laker from OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
TI,I..- a,ufnllTT q
race Judge.
Wife (to unhappy husband)-1
wouldn't worry. John; it doesn't dc
any good to borrow troubleP Hus
bandeBorrow trouble? Great Cesar
nv dear, l amt borrowing trouble
I've got it to lend.-Epoch.
A kind-hearted pugilist.
pugilists are brutal. unfeeling set
They have no feeling for anybody,
They may he brutal, but they are no
unfeeling. Kiiran felt for Smith witt
both hands.-7et"s SJfia9s.
A match vender entered a butche
shop. when the following brief dia
loeue was heard: Vcnder-''Hello
Chops! How's your liver to-day?
Chops-.'Three cents a pound. How
your lights?" Citizen.
DR.. Bigbill-You may thank you
stars, sir, that physicians in thes
DAYS don't bleed patients afflicted witt
your malady as they used to. Patien
(dubiously)-Im not sure that the
don't, doctor. Detroit Free Press.
A concise reason: Inquiring farmer
What Use like ter know, yo' oner,
child, is how yo's able ter smoal
cigars when yo' ole fadder kin onll
smoak his pipep" Forward SON
-''Ise amt got no cnirn to support.
Judge.
Irate passenger on cable-car-
conductor, there are fifty-five peopl
on this car" Conductor-''Fifty-f five
Thank you" Stops the car at stree
corner. '.Now then, hurry up. Room
for fifteen more people on this car. -
Kaassas Citu Times.
''Yes," said the Chicago man
-.literature's on the grand boom ou
our way. We've just caught onto you
man Stockton, and we've got two o
three literary societies discussing tn
question: Which was it, the Monke,
or the ParrotP' Puck.
Friend-Don't go on so. All tn
crying you do won't bring your hus
band back to life again. Wido1
(for the fifth time)-I know it, but
can't help crying. Tnat's the wa.
I am. The least little thing upsets me
Boo-hoo!-Teras Sytinas.
A trile unreasonable: Countrymal
Ito waiter)-What kind O fish hav
you got, mister? Waiter-Dere'
whitebat. sab. Countryman-Whi
baitP / don't want no bait of an,
color. Dye expect feller to ketc
his own fishP-NeW York Sun.
An exemplary young man: Mis-
Gotham-Have you visited any of tn
art galleries since you have been il
town, Mr.. Wabash9 Mr.. Wabash 20
Chicago)-Two or three only. For tn
last year, Miss Gotham I've beel
drinking very little.-NeW York Sun.
..You don't quite seem to like tn
picture" the artist said meekly. g
wasn't quite satisfied with it myself
A little lacking in distance, ism
itp" "Ya-as," growled the critic
81 guess that's what's the matter
Bout five miles would help it heap.
-PucE.
Full soon the maid with CLOWN,
hair, filled with intentions fiery, vii
start to write long essays on the page
of her diary; and having written for
week her tale of good and evil. sh
will consign that useful book to on
we call the Devil Nebraska Stat
Journal.
A unique contribution: Mr.. Cow
puncher (has just returned from Ion
sojourn in the West. and gets rope
into church on collection Sunday
Don't look SO blamed surprised
deacon! That's poker chip, an
good for 500 sinner if you'll mail
to wicked Mike Hogan in Leadyille.
Judge.
One of our prominent physician
was immensely pleased the other day
He has card hanging in his ofjc
reading, consultations from ! to 2,
aud millionaire patient handed hiI
a dollar and half and got out befor
the doctor noticed that some wanda
had placed the sign of S befor
the fignres. -1Sd-Bjts.
Il don't see why you should snee