Arizona weekly enterprise., 1888-01-07
FLORIDA PHILOSOPHY.
ID. R. Locke in Toledo Blade l


 face.
 Why don't you get up and go to work?"
 My friend" said the aged Ethiopian, "I am, proberbly, the on'y man ob sense dah Is in de state. Some ob my chillen appoxin ates, but dey hez dah mudder's foolishness ill 'em and dey don quite cum up to de stan'ard. My oldest boy, Sam, hez an idee uv bein' a sport, and he actooally wuks to git fine cloze. Wat dug he want ob fine cloZe? Wat does he want ob any cloze at all in dis yeah climit, 'ceptin' jis enuff to kibber him? Why, he wants to swell among de gahls. Wat does he want to swell among the gahls fur? So't one ob 'em will marry him. Wat does he want to marry enc ob 'em fur? Coz he wants to be happy w;d her. To see ebery- ting wat Sam wants and expex is ahed ob him. It aint de present dat Sam is after-de eniyments ob to-day ain't good enufffo' him, but he goes fo' suftn dat he cahn't put his hand onto.
 When he hez got de good cloze de gahls will run after him. Will he be satisfied wid dat? Not any, chile, He looks ahed to de felicity of marvin one ob em When he hez maEriel one ob 'em, is he any nearer happinis? Not step. Den he will want to cut swell wid her, and he will worry noah fo dat. When he iz worried long enuff and hez got house, will dat satisfy him? Not any, honey. Elf he gifts a house he won't be happy till he hez got 8 pianner forty in 1t, and when he hez de pianner forty he will wf mt furnitoor, and when he hez de furnitoor he will want mule and q cart to ride in Sun | dys, and when he hez dat, suffin else, allus little ahead Of him, will be wanted to finish dat off and so he will go on and on, like donkey wid a bunch ob carrots jist afore his nose, which he allus sees but nebber gets toof into, and so Ire will go on worryin' and wor ryin' till he dies, and what's 1t all about?.
 "Happinis is aIluz jist ahed ob yo' and it keeps dah. Dah nebber wuz a | quahtah hoss fas' enuff to ketch up wid tits bird dat yo neLber kin git salt onto his tail. When yo' git wat yo' want den you mus hab suffin else, and dat keeps up forebber and ebber.
 T don't allow no such foolishnis to bodder me. l don't want no cloze for I hez no yoose fo' 'em. 1 don't want no house fo kin sleep outen doahs. want & pipe alluz full of tobacoy, and I want soft place to sleep when Tze sleepy, and sui to eat when Pze hun gry. l hez powerful appetite for whisky, wich git when | kin, and wich I go widout when l cahnt. l Tel fO o sukkus on a free t.kkit, onless yo'l sect. Sukkus! Wat does 1t mount to? Two houahs and it's ober. Elf life cood be perpetool suhkus, with ham sangwickes brot in at de right time, and dey Jeff yo' smoke yo' pipe ol de benches, it mite do but not ez dey run 'em. It goes too quick.
 T won wuk, coz don't like to wuk Watts de good ob money to me? l won't wuk eben fo' whisky, for de whisky don't glib me ez much pleasure ez de wuk wood bodder me. I don't keer 10 vat moner buys, so watts dc 700 of money to Ele? No. sah! de spise money.
 "Ambi hn! If q man he'd de hull world he'd want de stars and de moon frowd in Elf muffin on airth ain gwar to satisfy yo' watts de u>e2 Elf yo's gwan ta end wha yo' begin ye' mite e2 we'll stop at de beginnin' Elf yo' gil wat yo' go fur and dat don't do yo' nc good wat s de yoose of gettin' any thing?
 "Honis'! Ob coahs I'ze honis'. Il don't pay dis chile to be anything but honis'. 'Spose PZe goin' to git up and go about steelin' tngs; wat do want ob wat I'd steel? Tze got all I wan widout steelin'. I don say but wat ei a fat shoat shood cum rubbin' up agin me, cr eff I wuz fn de wis unity ob hen house and de bullets didn't roost too high, might take one, but I woodent cos I don want muffin. Elf Ize got al I wa.t Fze richer than Vanderbilt, CO., he hssn't got all he wants. He keeps a want.n', an don't"
 "BRt uncle, if everybody was Gk, you, how would We get along? There would be no railroads. no steamboats no--
 "Specks dah woodent. But wat d, keer fo' dat? 1 don't ride on rail roads and don't want to own an, steamboats. Dah wuz people afore dal WIZ railroads, and I member whel sss on we tea@ahRa a@Ea fS aaR Gn xhz an feh 5ssfes fishin' dan now If everybody wu like me dah would be no sich ting wanted Iah woodent be no cotton L tote away, and no muffin, dat I know ob, to bring in. l don't yoose huff wat comes by de rail or in de boat. D fish don't come by rail. I don't wan no hardware dat I knows ob. I don need no goods from de norf. Watts d yoose ob railroads to me? Watts d yoose ob anyting? Ef de folks woo lib ez I do dah woodent be railroad nor boats.
 De fack is, ain't yooseful men Der ob 'siety, nor 1 don't want to be.
 get squa' meal dis mawnin, an speck shel git one to-morrer. If some on will come an drop it into my mouf, shel be much obleeged to 'em. eff not, : spose shel hey to deside whedder : VII skirmish around for it or do widor t 1t. I don't keer much which. Eff 5 hev to wuk too hard for it I'll let it gt t Elf it comes handy like, I'll take 1t an lib. But won't worry about it. ain't wutf while"
 And the aged philosopher, disdainin further conversation, rolled over on h l other side and went into a profoun slumber.