The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1888-02-02
HUMOROUS.

Needs signal ability Man at railway
crossing.
Impressions of America Footprints
in the snow.
Wisely improving the present-sell-
ing duplicate gift.
1t takes great deal of pluck to get
the feathers off live goose. .....-.
1883 is but little over fraction of
time, anyhow-onc and three eights.
In Arkansas squirrels are so plentiful
that they are sold by the busho. They
are generally sho: by the barrel.
The best mechanic in the world can't
make a pair of boots that are all right
One of them is bound to be left.
A physician says: "If child does
not thrive on fresh milk, boil it." This
is too severe. Why not whip it'
There are two kinds of clubs, social
and constabulary and they arc both
efficati0us in knocking man out.
1t has been averred that lady with a
diamond ring will scratch her nose in
given period four times as often as other
women.
Tramp (at door: feel so very much
distressed. Madam: Something you
have eaten2 Tramp: No, something I've
not eaten.
He Cat a very late hour, with deep
tenderncss) How can leave thee1 She
Really, Mr.. Slayer, cant tell you. l
wish to heaven could.
Caller Ito little Bobby Bobby what
makes your eyes SO bright9 Bobby.
(after little thought. Il dess it's tause
l hain't had 'em very long.
Justice--Ninety days. See that the
fellow gets bath. Prisoner--All right,
Judge. Idon't mind the washing, only
so amt ironcd afterward.
A stenographer once said to Senator
Evarts, "Mr. EVarts, your long SEN
tences trouble me-" His quick retort
was, "only criminals are afraid of long
sentences"
She: 'Before we were married you
promised to fulfill every wish you read
in my eyes, but don't find itso at ALL"
He: eyes siace that time | have grown |
very near-sighted."
A young lady recently presented her
lover with an elaborately constructed
penwiper, and was astonished the fol :
lowing Sunday to see him come into
church wearing it as a cravat.
Two young writers were talking of
their hopes, their ambitions. "If havo
not made reputation by the time I'm
thirty l shall blow my brains out" as
serted one. "My dear boy" replied the
other, "you are as good as dead"
A horrible story comes from Africa.
Two travellers, George and Annie Moore,
were captured by caanibalistic natives
and sent to the chief of the tribe as
present. The chief ate George first,
and then remarked, with sigh, "Tve
had enough; can't eat Annie Moore.
The most novel complaint of impure
milk reported is that of a London boy,
boarded out under the poor-law regu-
lation, who reported that the milk given
him out of town, instead of being taken
out of clean tins, had been squeezed out
of nasty COW, and he "seed 'em ado
ing it."
A teacher noticing that upon an ex-
animation paper the Isthmus of Panama
was every time spelled "Panamaugh,"
was curious to know the name of the au-
thor of such extraordinary spelling, and
turning to the head of the previous
page, found the child's name to be Katie
Hummebaugh.
Prof Proctor, speaking of the pos
sibility of human beings flying, says:
The great difficulty which man has
first to overcome is that of maintaining
his balance Doesn't the professor
know that the dl.'culty of maintaining
his balance has caused more than one
man to fly--to Canada?
Go forth in hastel
No time 10 waste
Proclaim to all creation
That men are wise
Who advertise
In the present generation.