The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1888-05-17
4 Southern Major OH the Stage.


Alex T.. sweet in Texas SittingS.
1t must occur to the average th"atcl
gOcr that the representations of per
sons and character on the stage are
true to life. The stage Indian of the
Fcnimore Cooper triGc, with his state
ly pose and "hilalutin" talk, does not
bear the slightest resemblance to the
greasy buck Of the plains. An utterly
impossible good old negro of the Uncle
Tom type is also trottcd out to the i'll
finite amusement Of those Of the au-
dicnce who are acquainted with the
negro as he is. Then, again, there is a
purely mythical sailor, who is evcrlast-
ingly dancing, hitching up his pants,
and shivering his timberS.
Why, even the stage moon is usually
threc-cornered, and after it has by fits
and starts climbed up about three feet
above the horizon, it gets stuck and can
go no further. No sober man has ever
seen the real moon act in this peculiar
way. Artemus Ward WAS often COM
PEELED to excuse himself to his audience
while he went back Of his panorama to
oontrol the eccentric motions Of the
moon that travelled with his show.
I don't care much about the three
cornered moon, nor impossible negroes
nor Indians, but the Southern Colonel
or Major should be reduced to the
ranks. l have seen several Southern
Colonels on the New York stage, the
likes of which have never been observed
in the south.
Al! the stage Southern Majors wear a
big sombrero and 4 cascade of hair
flowing down their backs a la Buffalo
Bill. Usually the Southern Major
limps, and every few minutes he tells
the hero, who is from the north and
wants to marry the "Majah'sn daugh-
ter, something about that bullet, sab,
in my leg, sab, where you yankees shot
me, sab, at Gettysburg, sah."
When the sage Southern Major is not
talking about his game leg, he is say
ing: PPM a Southern gentleman, sab,
from GeorgiT, sab !; | am Il man of hon
or, sab" In one play the Southern
"Majah,' wEose daughter has been
jilted, is pcrpctually threatening to zap
peal tothe law.n The southern majors
or coloncls may possibly commit some
Of the absurdities with which they are
charged, but there never was an III
stance of one of them ever appealing to
the law where the honor of any female
member Of his family was concerned.
He may appeal to the shotgun or the
coroner, !but never to the law, and it is
4 great pity that similar custom does
not prevail in the north. The relatives of
the saucer-faced dude or ambitious
drummer who banks on the Southern
Colonel appealing to the law in such
cases are to be pitied.
On the stage the Southern Major is
cternally pulling out little popgun of
4 pistol, which he threatens to Use, but
never does. Here is another grievous
injustice. When the real Southern
Major pulls pistol it is Of the proper
calibre and he does it very suddenly,
and it always "ocs OIL and hurts some
body.
On the stage the Southern Major is
often called a liar with inpunity. This
is not the case in real life. Calling a
Southern Major a liar off the stage is
never destined to become Il popular
pastime like baseball.
The stage Southern Major May have
existed at one time in modified form,
but now he has cut off his long hair,
he no longer wears the umbrageous
sombrcro, and he is not on the fight
unless there il positive necessity fo1
it. He is busy managing railroads OF
banks, working mines or engaged in
agricultural pursuits. He has even
invaded the north. New York is full
Of him, and he is numerous in business
in Chicago and other western cities. In
fact, there is nothing III his dress or
manner that betrays his southern orr
gin. He may carry pounds Of federal
lead in his body, or have fought on a
hundred battle fields but he is not
given to Dragging about it. Once more
| say, let it he understood that the
Southern Major on the stage, like
Mctamora, Uncle Tom and the stage
moon, is merely the creature of the
imagination.
Sam Jones Rival.