The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1888-03-16
BILL NYE's SHOPPING.

His Encounter with the "saIesIady''-Dif-
ference in Eastern and Western Methods.
Bill Ave. in New York Word.
/ have shopped in New York and also in the
West. In New York l did not enjoy It I1 fact,
l rarely shop in New York, preferriug to go to
an interior town, where goods marked low
and the cracker barrel IS within the reach of all.
l went into large and teeming mart of trade
and frill emporium on Twenty-third street one
hot day last summer to buy pair of suspenders.
did not wish to buy them because / was vain.
1t was not with the idea of emphasizing the
great gulf between myself and those who had
been denied suspenders It was a plain
American citizen, who desired to submit to the
harsh demands of false but memorable hot
house air of metropolitan society law, that /
went in at the side door of that place I did
not vaunt. was not pulled up. / did not be-
have myself in an unseemly manner. did not
intend to give the goods public recognition
through tho press. 1 did not intend TO wear
them on tho outside. My idea was simply to go
in quietly, select young woman who was worthy
of my confidence call her away from the vulgar
herd and tell her that had yielded to the false
and cruel customs of sincursed metropolis
that had decided to adopt the effemnate and
artificial manners of civilization and would like
to see pair of red suspenders with blue ends
In former years had bought goods of General
Worth, at Laramie City, VINO kept a general
store, a hotel, and a clear-eyed bulldog all in
room. The General played chess and col
ored his whiskers. He did almost everything
except keep store, run hotel or extract people
from his bull dog. In this way customers got
into the habit of waiting on themselves and
making memorandum of it in the bright, crisp
atmosphere. General Worth had been q mascu-
line saleslady in New York when he was young,
and when anybody came in and spoke about
buying anything he began to regard him with
suspicion and treat him shamefully. and try TO
t'sick" the dog him; but after awhile he would
run out of profanity and resume his chess and
beg people to wait on themselves and not come
in there right in the middle of the day, when
they knew very well that he was playing chess
and couldn't get away. SO we all got into the
habit of waiting ourselves, and acquired no.
tons of credit which in New York do not obtain.
went into the great surging Twenty third
street convention of good clothes, lone man,
borne on the breast of n big tide of humanity of
entirely and Numerically different sex from
my own. | tried TO get out, but a large and
prosperous lady in black satin and weighing
much more than she looked TO, stood on one of
nv feet as if to call my attention to something.
l remained there till another woman came to re-
ieve her by standing my other foot The
crowd did not thin out for long time, neither
did that fat party who stood my foot. but
finally got chance to move to the counter,
where tired young woman was looking dream
lily over the heads of the seething mass, while
row of customers jabbed at her with their para
soils.
bode my TINS
When the delegations from the valley of the
Harlem and beyond Brooklyn and against
Hoboken and further GilgaI, and the forests of
Philadelphia and Fort Lee and them that dwell
VI the outermost parts of Stesn Hundred and
Steenty -steenth street and in the habitations
of Murray Hill, and the jewellers in the flats of
the m oney -chapgers, and them that live
against Tompkinsville, and West Orange, and
Pepsin Ohio, and kabush and Canada had
thinued little, 1 beckoneds to the salsslady
to put her over towards me, desired to
express thought. She leaned towards me in a
reserved way which tickled my nose with the
rim of her high. intellectual ear l said to her
that had been waiting good while, there
were so many others ahead of me, but that if
tho occasion now seemed ripe I wished she
would show me her suspenders.
Those were my exact words, and yet the pa
pers the next day not only gave garbled and
erroneous account of it, but misspelled my
name twice.
Thus it cane to pass that the only time ever
tried to buy anything in New YORK, when had
that cannot yet fully understand. In trying
to explain it to the authorities afterwards l
SPOKE of my earnest desire to devote my future
life to the use of suspenders aud other
filming influences, but they said that
surely knew better than to try
to get suspenders az the corset
that the suspender department up seven
floors, back of the restaurant and on the left of
the wooden-ware department, in charge of an
elderly man with thick-set, red Donegals and
heavily embossed Rather than admit
that I didn't know New York intimately
from Castle Garden to 3 o'clock A. NJ,
OF good suspenders of man who
does q quiet business on the sidewalk
at the corner of Fulton street and Broadway, /
believe, unless he has moved his store up to
Park Row He did not sshow that air of re-
luctance and extreme anguish over being sepa-
rated from his suspenders which we notice in the
large dealer. paid him 10 cents for the pair I
got of him, and WAS told afterwards that could
have purchased the same goods on Twenth third
street for 80 cents. The reason 80 cents or 90
cents, or 10 cents, or nine cents is the price as
understand it, is that it gives an opportunity to
the saleslady to shipyour goods Fort Hamil-
ton, where they are done up and returned. while
your 40 cents go to Wall street and pass through
q clearinghouse, house OF detention. quaran-
tine and receiving vault. You thensget cent
back, miss your boat home and have to stop at
the hotel all night at cost of 81. IS.
Certainly Western merchants seem to suffer
less remorse when they part with their goods
than the merchants of New York, if We may
judge the New York merchant by the person
who represents him, VINO stands behind the
counter in order TO obstruct trade and throw
obstacles in the way OF traffic, Freer trade is
what we need. and as property-owner in New
York, taxpayer. and the polish ed head of
family. think for one. we ought to get To-
gether and talk this matter over. Otherwise,
people going to Omaha and Kansas City TO
to buy their goods. BILL NYE.
Mrs. Cieveland'e Diamonds.
To RaIf A