Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1888-01-15
MY UNCLE'S CLOCK.
tMacmillan.l


being in this respect the exact opposite
of that well-known clock Of everybody's
grandfather which went on ticking to the
exact moment of the old gontlemsn's
death. Ny uncle's clock stood in his bed
room. on the mantelpeco, and always
wondered that he, who liked every
thing about him 10 be in order. wound
mp, and working punctually, should allow
this solitary specimen Of incapacity to
stsre him in the face night and morning
with lying account of the hour. Once
or twice when my uncle has been i'll and
] have gone 10 see him have walked up
to that clock with theintentiono of setting
1t going and putting il right, but my
uncle always stopped me with the sig
nificant remark II rather think I'd let
that clock alone IL were you, James"
] took the hint without asking any
questions. Ny uncle was not the sort
of man who would stand a catechism
very we'll indeed, there we're some
points concerning his personal history
and the manner in which ne had made
his fortune about which his mos. init
mate friend, il at all q prudent man.
would Judge it best to make few inqu-
ries. | do not mean that my uncle was
not an honorable member of society,
and a very useful one, too many own
ers Of valuable estates, many county
families remember him still with re-
spectfnl gratitude but his occupation
was Of a very peculiar sort. one which
would not bear much talking abOut-he
was. in fact, remover OF ghosts.
What he did with the ghosts when he
hal got them nobody could guess He
did not travel with much luggage, and
could not have carried them away IN his
boxes. They were not in his own home
ouieter better-ordered establishment
than that never existed. the very rats
were not allowed to make a noise there.
One thing only was certain-that when
he undertook 10 remove ghost, that
ghost never went back again it was heard
OF no more. His knowledge OF the world
Of Dhantoms was Immenee--l think |
NAV say unique. he had studied
all the existing literature of the subject,
until there was not "a ghost anywhere In
the three kingdoms with whose habits,
weaknesses, and Prejudices he was not
familiar. Not a phantom OF them oil
could resist him he could twist the
whole spectre world Git il not, believe,
n very intelligent world round his little
finger. There was nothing he enjoyed
more than facing an obstinate and self
opinionated old ghost-a ghost Of few
hundred years standing. with cOnceit
70 match his age-having it out with
tnnt old ghost, and reducing him to sub
mission.
Nv uncle never advertised himself in
any way and had to DO approached eau
tiously by all who desired his services.
He kent his ghost-laying within the
strict limits of profession, though one
not generally acknowledged or fire.
ouently followed, and refused wages,
though he would take q fee. His tirst
effort was. believe achieved solely TO
oblige a friend nfterward whisper OF
his extraordinary powers went round,
and every man who had haunted house
which he could not let, every family pur-
sued by logged phantom which stuck to
the ancestral residence after its natural
term was over, every person afflicted by
an attendant spectre applied TO my uncle
for relief. He never refused it when
1t was properly asked for. On re-
ceiying summons to the practice Of his
profession he packed up his traps and
went off with his man-servant. Some
times it would take him weeks to re-
move ghost sometimes he would do it
in half an hour. The fees he received
for his services varied from hundred
pounds Che never would take less-rather
than that he did his work for nothing
TO thousand. There was oDe' Told gen
tleman who had been very much bothered
for many years by an irritating phantom,
who was always washing his hands in his
presence and asking him for a towel =
an underlined ghost that, and one with
ont any sense of the fitness Of things
When this old gentleman was relieved of
his trouble his gratitude was SO great
that, besides paying the customary fee,
be left in his will $1,000 and perpetual
right in the ghost to my uncle and his
heirs forever. | was my uncles heir, but
! did not know OF the whole extent of
his possessions when l stepped into
them.
Well. my uncle died, and the secret of
the ghosts, and what he had done with
them, died with bin. He left every
thing to me, and Immediately deter
mined to have that clock put to rights.
/ could not do away with it because
there was a special clause in his will that
II was 10 be left where il was, in the
same room, on the same mantelpiece,
facing the bed in which / intended to
sleep. If / sent away that clock l for
iei,cd my uncle's fortune the estate
and the clock went together, and were
by no means, nor at any time, 10 be sep
afatcd. However, Il [ could not get rid
of this piece Of furniture, l could make
i; go aud this resolved to do.
The fret night that l slept in that
particular room / had reached home
late after long journey, and, being
very tired, forgot my resolution. Inever
had q better nights sleep in my life. But
the next morning when l awoke the clock
faced me with its fingers impudently and
lyingly pointing to half-past 2 when, as
a matter OF fact, knew that it was just
8. / sprang out OF bed and attacked
that false witness. 1t wound up easily
and licked regularly. Itsinternal organi-
cation had evidently suffered nothing
from prolonged holiday. Throughout
the whole Of that day it licked cheerfully
and kept well upto time, and as | put
my head on the pillow that night and
heard it ticking industriously in the
darkness felt that had begun well my
stewardship of the fortune left to me
the only thing which wanted doing in
my uncle's house had promptly done.
Then followed the peace OF well-earned
sleep.
Rats could it be rats making that
noise Were there ever such impudent,
ingenious, multifarious, abominable, and
riotous rats as these? / don't know
how long i had been asleep, but the
noise which awoke me was something
distracting. / sat up in bed and listened.
No, it could not be rats Rats could not
grosn dimslly, rats could not giggle
foolishly. nor could they wall hysteri-
cally. They might run about the pas
sages with the sound as Of hundred
pattering feet, but they could not talk
in confidential whispers, nor could they
Il