The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1888-03-10

| harder But 1t was 10 no purpose; my Ia
tality still chung to me wherever went
My voice, indeed, grew stronger and more
emphatic under the severe Demosthenic
exercises. But its inherent defects became
proportionately more marked and offensive
My green or blue goggles-for | tried every
variety and shade Of color-only served to
metamorphose my queer-looking phiz into
an exquisite model for carnival mask.
To give one illustration among hun
dred. One summers evening we were all
standing on the terrace of the far;famed
Righi, above the Lake of Lucerne, watching
the sunset. For single half-hour OF
rapture the combined influences : OF the
glorious panorama completely absorbed the
sense of my painful subiectivity All
''could | but have kept my spirit to that
flight ?" But my demon was at my elbow
Not long after | happened to be walking
up and down the now deserted plateau
with my sister, expatiating on the beauties
of the surrounding landscape. Suddenly
we were overtaken by two young Eng
lishmen, tourists like ourselves, whom We
had not hitherto taken notice of. Al
they passed by one of them exclaimed to
his companion in sort Of stage whisper
tssBy Jove now We have seen something
worth looking at For the life, of me
couldn't keep my eyes off that odd-looking
fellows face all the time we were suppos
ed to be watching the sunset" In a
single moment all the sweet and loving in
fuences of that divine vision faded out OF
my mind. can suggest no better com
parison than that of man suddenly walked
out of dream of Paradise by the scathing
scoff of Mephistopheles. Again, felt
unded the ban of my fellow creatures.
Again doubted of Heaven and humanity.
Reader, pity and pardon me, for | in
vent nothing, but am telling plain, un-
vanished tale-"an over true story"
On our return to England | had to
mourn the loss of an affectionate mother,
who died almost heart broken at the fail
ure of all the hopes she had built on her
frst-born, and, as, was generally supposed,
her favorite child Henceforward | resolv-
ed to bury myself in my books, and turn
my back, once for all, on world which
had hitherto greeted me only with con-
tempt and ridicule For year or two |
steadfastly adhered to this plan, when it
was temporarily suspended by one of those
mysterious changes which occasioally be-
fall the most unobstrusive and secluded of
lives. So with myself. I made acquain-
tance, quite accidentally, with young
lady of personal attractions and yet more
remarkable talents Circumstances threw
US much together, and | soon began, for
the first time in my life, to realize the
tender passion. Strange to say, the feel
ing was reciprocated, and with the consent,
at least, if not appreciation, of our mutual
families, day was fixed for the union.
But, whether through accident, or dis
pensation of Providence, an unexpected
hitch occurred at the eleventh hour Sus-
picions were awakened of loose screw
somewhere. And finally | was compelled,
by stress of circumstances, to make clean
breast of it, and the engagement was am
icably terminated. l will only add that
this lady, eminently fitted by her talents
to shine in the social sphere, subsequently
made a worldly and better-assorted marri-
AGE, and is now the mother of a numerous
family
Relapsing once more into science and
solitude, pursued my favorite studies to
the detriment of my physical health,
hitherto excellent. The doctors unluckily
prescribed stimulants, and with the unlock
ed-for result that [, who, up to my Thrift
eth year, had been remarkably abstemious,
and, indeed water-drinker during the
earlier part of my life, now became con-
frmed tippler, not to say an '.habitual
drunkard" do not attempt selfjustif-
cation, nor dare l allege moral irresponsi-
bility. | can only plead extenuating cir
cumstances. All that | can affirm is that
an abnormal nervous organization, from
the very outset of this new phase of life,
found instant and inexpressible relief from
cOpious alcoholic hbations. My constitu-
tion gradually gave way, until chronoic
state of nervous exaltation was finally cap
ped by wild fit delirium tremens. Pro-
videntially rallying out of the jaws of death.
| made repeated VOWS Of ahstemiousness
and oven abstinence. But was contin-
ally relapsing. The latter stages were even
worse than the former / lost all relish
for study, and spent days and weeks in a
lethargic state verging on moral paralysis.
1t was neither the dreamy paradise of the
lotus eater, nor even the eestatic hallucina-
ton of the opium eater in the earlier stages
of his fatal indulgence. Rather did | ex-
perience the chronic sense of conscious de-
lrium and of almost demonical possession
which is said to haunt the victim of opium
in the latter stages of his progress
One by one all my friends tcut" him
whom they considered the ''disgrace of the
family" l found myself alone in the
world. My married sister, residing in the
south of France, had throughout maintain
ed an affectionate and sympathetic corre-
spondenee with her erring brother, and
now kindly urged me to spend winter
season under her roof | accepted CRATE
fully, and, thanks to her. watchful influence.
regained for a while the mastery over my
passion. Bat after brief spell of reform
We we're again obliged to separate, for fear
of the public scandal and bad example to
the household.
The slopes of the Maritime Alps, it is
well know. abound in health resorts for
summer tourists Sosoon, then, as found
myself once moro cast adrift, resolved on
seeking out the most remote and least fire.
quented of these mountain businesses.
There it was my fixed purpose to put a
sure, and hoped, speedy finishing stroke
to useless and humiliating existence. In
short, | had deliberately determined on
perpetrating alcoholic suicide. On the
extreme frontiers of France and Piedmont,
perched some seven thousand feet above
the sea level, lies a narrow plateau, or
mountain ledge, commanding an extensive
and almost pnrivaled prospect The place
takes its name of Notre Dame de la Feuetra
from window-like aperture in an over
hanging mountain, which pious tradition
attributes to the miraculous passage of the
Blessed Virgin, bearing the Infant Jesus
in her arms. On the site of her resting
place, below this mountain, chapel has
been erected consecrated to the cult of the
Madonna Here is also modest but COM
Portable auberpe for the accommodation of