Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1888-02-16
THE BOOK on Q. Q. 2.
BY a Floridan. In the New York
Voice.
fPublIshed by Request

Published by Request.
There was man In the land Of Guz,
and his name was G.. o. p; and that
man was perfect in his own light, and
SO upright that he leaned backwards.
He also feared Germans, and eschewed
Prohibition. Moreover, his substance
was very great, consisting of offices,
historical "reminiscences, and an ex-
ceeding great Tariff, so that he was the
greatest man in all the West. And his
sons feasted in their houses every one
hisday; and it was so when the days OF
their feasting were gone about, that g.
O, P. sent and sanctified them; and
rose up early in the morning and called
for an offering from them all; even ac-
cording to the salary of each. For G.
o. P. said, ut may be that you'll want
to keep your 'posish, that if SO, why, a
wink Is as good as q nod to O blind
horse; we can't keep bribery commit
tee without something to bride with"
And there was day when they were
feasting, and q messenger came unto
G. o. P. and said, "Behold the Demo-
Gratis have fallen upon thy substance
and taken it all away; even everything
except the Tariff, and behold, they are
Then G.. o. P. arose and rent his
mantle, and made it into q rag baby;
and offered it for burnt offering, call
ing upon the name of st. John. And
said, The Germans gave and the Ger.
mans have taken away; blessed be the
name of Gambrinus."
And Satan stretched forth his hand,
and smote G.. o. p. with the itch (for
II % Nf Iau
and it was so that his head fell forward
and he could only look back between
his legs. And he took potsherd to
scrape himself withal, and sat down
with Bible under one arm and q
"growler'' under the other.
Now, when G.. o. P.'s three friends
heard of all his evil that was come up
on him, they came every one of them
from his own place; Griffin, the Anti
saloonite, and Foraker the Shoe-height,
and Shed Shook the Favorite; for they
had made an appointment together to
comfort him. And when they lifted
up their eyes afar off, and knew him
not, they lifted, up The Voice (the copy
with the Supreme Court decision) and
wept. And they sat down on an
empty beer keg with him until the
saloons opened, and none spake word
unto him: for they saw he was very dry.
After this G.. o. P. opened his mouth
and talked like the Jeffersonians do
when country goes "dry."
And G.. o. P. spake and said, "Let
the day perish wherein was busted,
and the night which it was said, Turn
the rascals out"
Then Griffin the Anti-saloonist an
swered and said, "Who can withhold
himself from speaking (if he's paid for
it?) And where is thy confidence? Am
I not running the anti-saloon depart-
ment? And amt things moving all
= hunkadory? Go to now, consider the
parable of the tail that wagged the dog,
and remember the race is not to the
swift, nor the battle to the strong; but
with a good man like me to work the
prayer-meeting racket, and honest
Brother Clarkson on the committee OF
'ways and means we'll get there, and
don't you forget it. Selah."
But G. 0. p. answered and said,
'9Doth the ass bray when he hath grass
or loweth the OK over his fodder"
Then answered Foraker the Shoe
height and said, "How long wilt thou
indulge in ambiguous insinuations? Is
not the principle of taxation and wrig-
cIeation eternal? And amt we neither
for nor against? Behold the flags of the
gallant James G.. captured on the bat
tIe-field are saved by injunction; and
did it. Therefore it is meet that l
should tail the ticket; and If so we'll
put down the Rebellion, save the coun-
trv, enforce that l4th Amendment that
Haistead wants repealed, and if we add
nothing to thy future glory We'll see
that the past is properly advertised.
Then shall new cycles, etc, etc. Heap
talk. Big injun, ughw
And G.. 0. T. wist not what to an
swer. for he was "paralyzed."
Then spake Shook the Favorite, and
said. oBehold also the Republican sa-
loon keepers have the perfection to
which they are entitled; moreover we
are all good temperance men. DO we
want the Internal revenue taken off?
Not much, Miss Nancy. Then where
fore art thou cast down and troubled in
spirit? Though our calling be many,
we are as one man, Substantial unity
under circunlstantial variety, as my
compeer, DR.. Buckley, would say. Re-
member now, pray you, what the
Governor of North Carolina, said to the
Governor of South Carolina, and get
you down to my place. and I'll fill yon
so full of enthusiasm you can't tote it
home"
Add they went, and the latter end of
the meeting was greater than the begin
ming.
Regulate the Regulator with Warm
er's Log Cabin Sarsaparilla. Manufac-