Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1888-07-27
CURRENT WIT.

word yez would iver speak!
Miss Cooington-And when we are
married, dear, I hope you won't
smoke those hOr1id, OdiOus cigars
around the house. Mr.. Ellington
Why, no, darling! 1 think Il pipe is
much more hOmelike; don't you?
An Allentown tailoring firm en-
Ployes a young woman to collect
from the swell customers who are in
clined to shrink paying honest debts.
This seems to explode the old saying
chat wOman's work is never dun"
A little girl was walking along the
street with her mother, and, noticing
a negro woman wheeling a white ba-
by IN a carriage, said: Mamma, is
that baby that wOman's child?''
''Why, no, / guess not. Why do you
ask?' 'EWell, if it's hers, 1 think she
had dreadful poor taste. Why didn't
she get baby to match?''
Here's an account of a buildin'
that fell down, an ev'ry one in it
was taken out alive. Old Mrs. Bent
~ (knitting)-Oh, my, how dreadful!
Every one taken out alivel Dear,
dear! Old Mr.. Bently Cooking sharp
lyOver his spectacles )-Huh?--EpOch.
Give cents fare for that child,
madam, said a street car conductor
as he opened the door and put his
head into the car. "Very well, she
replied, feeling in her pocket; ''this is
~ hon child 10. 4
ian. l must have Il receipt for all
moneys paid out, and as soon as
you write one I'll drop a nickel in the
box" He shut the door and leanded
over the brake like a man in deep
thought.
Getting His Moneys WORTH
Dealer-''That hats worth two dol
lars and half, but 1 will let you, as
a friend, have it for two dol
lars" BrOWn-''All right; but, say,
the fifty cents goes with the hat,
don't it?''-Life
Bobby (whose uncle has given him
u dollar)-'I wish you would give me
a nickel, Uncle James, instead of a
dollar
Uncle james (astonished) -"But,
Bobby, adolIar is better than a nick
ell"
Chats the trouble; fits a dollar
pail want it; if it's only Il nickel,
can have it. Epoch.
Harsh treatment-Bobby GOok-
ing out of the windOw)-"What's the
matter with that horse, mammal"
MOther-''Theh horse is baIky, Bobby;
he won't obey his driver" Bobby
''Well, what's the man patting him
for?" Mother" Heis cOaXing him. -
Bobby with an injured ajrl-"That
ain,t the way you treat me when I'm
balky. Life.
A great many people are content
with a very little gossip, and that
little goes n long way with them
Theyremindu ofthe old collored
in ante-bellum times. His piOu,
mistress. one beautiful Sabbath morn
ING, when there was preaching in the
neighbOrhOOd, suggested that h,
should 90 to church and hear Brother
". preach. "Missus. " replied he, -
hain't forgot what he said when
was dar last When / fOrgit all dat
/ Use gwine back and get more"
'Fain would I write II poem on the
delights of fishing; but, an, me!
cannot find a word to rhyme viii
'anglewOrm sighed Pisistratus, a,
he gazed thOughtfully into the dark
!
put that word at the end of line
queried Eucalyptus. Because NJ
angleWOrm is always at the end of {
line, Missed PisistratHs between his
set teeth and for long time it was
so still that one could distinctly heal
a peach blow.
Martha, said minister to hi
} wife, Il have some sad news to breal
TO you, and you viii need all you
courage to bear tile burden OF tn
crushing and unexpected blow" 30
John, she exclaimed, and we hav
been so happy in our home and chill
dren!' Il know it, Martha" he re
spOnded, hOarSely. but whom tn
Lord lOveth he chasteneth. - .JOhn
/ dear" she said with true wifely cour
age and devotion, tell me what j
/ is; let me share it with you" "a do
nation party
Sister Jenkinson, " said the ney
,, minister, who was soliciting contri
/ buttons for the heather, don't yOl
hear the cry of our benighted fellow
creatures IN foreign Iands?'' 'Hev!'
said the sister. inclining her right ca
toward the pastor. The question
was repeated in a louder tone. ''LaN
sakes, MOI" replied Sister Jenkinson
| ..I.r,n -, =, .,.flrl hnr.l .,.,.,.,,.sr,r.