The evening world., 1888-11-09
HERE IS YOURS, MR.. Kelley.
ALAN DALE SENDS YOU A PATERNAL,
HELPFUL COMMUNICATION.

vour Dress Goat and Mustnche Appear to
Ne Really C~harminE, but Your Acting
well, the Girls Are Pleased, Anyway,
and what's Fame Compared TO Admira-
,,ou s-AInu Runs the Risk Of Being
Mobbcd for This Letter.
Dr,n OLD CHAPPm: This letter will
aoubtless be brought to you tomorrow
morning by an obsequious valet (of course
vou have O valet, and 1 decline to imagine
him as anything but o~bsequious), who, in ad-
dition to your shaving water, also carries q
nerfect little mail bag filled with fragrant,
tinted missives, angularly written, but OH
40 sleekly pleasant in their sentiments. I
imagine I see you haughtily dismiss the
miuion (for naturally, you can be naughty ut
times). sink into your comfortable American
armchair, cast your popular, ox-like eyes
helplessly around for q moment, and then,
finding no rescuer conveniently at hand, re-
sign yourself to the inevitable, and to the
rather overwhelming combination of patch
ouli, musk, ylang-ylang and mona.
feel that / shall be as emineutly good
company at n rate. Eli? you sly dog
II were with you I would accompany this
remark with O jocose dig, and possibly O
wink, which would be very effective. It is
e1asperating to think how ones natural dra-
matlC UeuueuCltb III ClTCuulbCElDtu III u let
A mutual friend told me the other day that
you would like to hear from me, and IT you
could only imagine with what a great and
almost devastating JOY l received the an
nouncement-well. you. would possess an
Imagination that would be invaluable to you
in your dramatic career. l have studied you
carefully, Herbert, and / do not suppose you
will ever comprehend my joy. Pardon the
Last night, in order that 1 might see You as
recently as possible, l went to the Park The
atre, in Brooklyn, and witnessed a perform:
ance OF The Wife," You understand, old
chappie, l knew you wanted a paternai, help
Jul, little communication, and l was deter
mined that you should have one. I took O
girl with me. She is an excellent and &C
knowledged critic, and l thought you should
have the benefit of our combined Judgment.
l selected this lady, because. unlike most
of her sex, she is never enthusiastic. / de-
spise enthusiasm, Herbert. l always blow it
away, as though it were froth in the ale
tankard. II is deceptive and insidious. 1t
covers tine truth with a colorless, bubblesome
cloak. The reaction generally makes itself
speedily felt, and it is often abominable.
Well, the performance progressed. delight
fully. There was a crowded house, a
charmed audience. plaudits for Miss Cayvan,
Miss Dillon, Mr.. Dickson, yourself and the
other members of this admirable company.
But l feel that it would be the easiest task in
the world to ~criticise your work, old man.
1D "StSo way beePeeeS ~ AJ " ~
and ears. / turned to my companion.
All" I remarked critically, ~ must say
Kelley is lamentably weak in that act. Why,
instead of q passionate, vigorous, denuncia-
tory tone, his u~tterances all come forth as
though they had been vaselined."
She seized my arm in a rather frantic man.
ner. Hush ~ she said. Have you ever
seen such q perfectly charming dress suit? l
"Nonsense," I exclaimed rather petu-
lantly. Pm not finding fault with his
dress suit, but with the fact that he can't
Can't act p" she repeated, bristling with
' indignation. =" Why, he's positively mag,
nstiG; / can't take my eyes of him. That :.
simply the very poetry Of fexlbility." ,,
I was getting. angry. II did expect a little
sensible criticism from you;" I remarked
coldly., Perhaps, you will tell me that
air is artistic ?"
IF it were not you would see creases in
his coat, :" she replied in tones suggestive Of z
refrigerator. 1T sits perfectly smoothly; ,
q saw her look with disdain at my pool, old
resurrected swalIow.tails.) Then those
trousers-why. there is not the anticipation
of a bag at the knees. Oh! Alan, he is look
ing at me-he! he!-we are talking toe
loud"
You are too old to be so silly" I blurtet
out, with q want of gallantry which 1 will
not attempt to excuse. Besides, she did no
hear me. Her eyes were fixed upon you, ole
man. She sat entranced.
- wonder if he really likes that Cayvan,
she said, presently. Her cheeks were flushed
and she did not remove her eyes from tn
stage. l was foamingly angry at this over
whelming femininlty.
Really likes Miss Cayvan I" 1 echoed
with as much sarcastic composure as posi-
BILE. Even if he did, he could never b.
hers. He is another's."
have tried since last night to believe tina
! did not hear her sigh, but l have found tn
task almost impossible. l am as nearly con
WINGED ~ u mar can be that she sighed. Sh'
talked no more, and l was glad when the per
Torrance was over.
Believe me- she said. as we stepped int,
the cool, .balmy Brooklyn air, that an.
harsh criticism of Kelley will be absolutel.
novelist would have loved to see in her eyes
II were one of Kelcey's admirers, and rea'
ANYTHING adverse to him written by you
why, I'd cut you dead as q doornail. He's ad
mlrable, and you know Pm not enthusiastic
why; I've told you that ! thought Sara
Bernhardt ranted, that Jane Hading wa
stupidity milk and water, that Fanny Dayen
port overestimated her abilities and tina
Ellen Terry was too DID,"
They are all women" 1 could not he'll
saying, and that closed the conversation.
SO you will see, old chappie. that my ei
forts In the paternal line were most SHOCK
iingly treated last night. 1 could not feel sal
isned with your sartorial excellence, thong
admit that it exists as forcibly as l hRv
ever seen it anywhere. I suppose it is onl
unklnd old gentlemen like the Chelsea sag
who can afford to scoff at the Clothes Weai
ing Man, and stereotyped old classics lk
Mr.. Addison who will cast ridicule at tn
%ahay. Certainly, Herbert. living as we d
IN a city where the gents furnishin