Smyrna times., 1888-05-23
Mr.. BOwSer as House-Cleaner
BY MRS. BoWsER.

BY MRS. BOwsER.
Is there anything the matter with
you?" asked Mr.. Bowser, the 9th er
evening, as he suddenly looked up.
No, certainly not. Do look bad ?''
Your looks are all right, but you
seem nervous and uneasy. I didn't
know but your cOan had come back" :"
"I-I"-
You-you-what ?"
was wondering if you were going
to York State to see your mother this
spring"
And suppose go?'
Then l shall clean house. 1t is two
years, you know, since we had car
pet up"
Aud if don't go?"
was silent.
Look here, Mrs Bowser," said my
liege lord in a sharp voice, you cam t
lay this on to me You want to pre-
tend that if | am home through house
cleaning I'll prance around and raise
the old Harry, and you want to get
me into the papers as raising a great
fuss"
But won't yOu?"
Won't l Don't | know that
hOuse-clPaning should come once a
year! Don't I like it? Did my moth
er ever clean house without met"
And may | go ahead, and will you
help me ?"
OF course you can 90 ahead, and it
so happens just now that I've four or
five days to spare, I'll begin right off
now"
You are 50 good. Mr.. Bowser, that
must kiss you. There take that I"
Oh, pshaw! Pm good, of course,
but no better than husband ought to
be. I'll get the step-ladder and begin
by taking the pictures down"
/ suppose you could get a colored
man to do the climbing and lifting"
Yes, but | won't. | want no stran-
ger rambling through our house and
picking up things
He got the ladder and began work,
aud from the way he whistled [ think
he enjoyed it for about half an hour.
In that time lie took down dozen
pictures and carried 'em up two flights
OF stairs to the store room, hat as |
went up with the duster he SAID
Why didn't | think to put an ele-
vator into the house? And the man
who made this step-ladder ought to be
shot | believe I've climbed mile or
more. What you got there ?''
The duster"
What for ?"
To dust the pictures with"
HIM Well, hand it here -
He came down twenty minutes
later, his collar all limp, his hair damp
and his face covered with dust, and.
as he sank into chair with a groan,
| said
i thought it would be too much
for you"
oh, you did! Well, want you to
understand that it is simply fun for
me I'll make this house look sick
before tomorrow noon, and before
night We'll be all through with house
cleaning"
Not quite as soon as that"
won't we? See if we don't.
This taking a week or ten days to do
little cleaning is played out. l don't
propose to dilly-dally over this job"
That night when he went to bed he
grOaned and sighed, and in his sleep
he muttered and scolded, and about
midnight he woke me up by saying:
"You bet l will I'll finish the
whole thing by noon :"
Mr.. BoWser acted sore and stiff next
morning, but after breakfast he put on
an old suit of clothes and began work
We decided to clean the parlOr first,
and he moved out the furniture with a
! whew. In his whew he tore down the
] poles at the bay window, ripped one of
! the curtains two feet or more, upset a
chair and broke the back, and in push
ing the piano ont he skinned all his
! knuckles and broke his suspenders at
one and the same instant He Jumped
three feet high i'll his Indignation, and
as he came down he turned on me
with:
Where in the blazes is the ak, or a
sledge-hammer, or something to knock
this Internal piano to pieces!'
Mr.. BOwser, suggested that yon
get man to help you"
"Oh, you did Why didn't you
suggest that set the house on fire and
do the cleaning that way Look al
that hand And here's these suspen-
ders gonem
l Modified him after awhile, and he
finally expressed his willingness to
take hold again.
= suppose the carpets will go to
| the heaters ?" | Queried.
" Not much !" he replied Il don't
propose to pay out five or six dollars
to have some one pound this carpet for
ten minutes. I've beaten more car
pets than you've got hairs in your head
and I'll show you job on this"
He set out to pull up the tacks, but
after pulling five or six he broke out
with something about blazes and grab
bed the carpet and heaved away. The
tacks came up until he reached a seam
and then there was a r-r-r-ip down the
breadth. This was repeated five or
| six times before he had the carpet up,
and then he piled it in the middle OF
the floor and sat down on the window
sill to favor his back.
It's hard work" observed, as he
painted and gasped.
=" don't see it," he presently re-
piled. Even if it was, we've got hall
the house done, and it is not yet nine
/ o'clock"
Bye-and-bye he dragged the carpet
out and hung it over the clothes-line.
| had just left him fol a minute to see
what allied baby, when l heard a fu-
riOus yell. l ran back and Mr.. Bow
ser was prancing around the yard,
shaking one hand aloft. He had
grasped a tack. He had only calmel
down and seized the carpet again to
lift it over the line, when he got three
or four at once, and for five minutes
there was a circus. The performance
might have continued to this date had
l not succeeded in heading Mr.. Bow
ser off as he came around the circle,
and warned him that all the neighbors
on the other street were at their win
dows. Then he sat down on the back
steps and seemed to look into the far
away for long time. The red color
had worked out of his suspenders into
his shirt, his bulk had shrunk away
one-fourth. A very impudent boy on
the fence asked him how he liked it as
far as he had gone, and the driver for 8
carpet-beater's wagon came along soOr
after and called out:
Hey, old Tacks, do you want q
job?"