The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-17
IF 1 WERE A BOY AGAIN.
Chapter of Autobiography by Bill Nye''-SOme
OF the Wise Thoughts that Come to q Man when
His Digestion is Gone

1t L w EINE ~ pNy tAAJA11Ns
Chapter OF Autobiography by ''BilI Nye''-SOme
OF the Wise Thoughts that Come to q Man when
His Digestion is Gone.
If | were boy again. endowed with the
same wild passion for plucking watermelOns in
the dark of the moon, would, no doubt, fall a
victim TO that oyermastering passion rs / did
before, but looking at it rs | do now, | would
be wiser. Boys cannot, however, have the ma
ture judgment Of manhood without the expert
cnce and the rheumatism that go with it. So it
is better that in our childhood we may be able
to eat raw turnip with safety, and know some
thing later on in life.
! notice great change in myself while COM
pairing my present condition with that of joy
Gus boyhood. Then / had no sense, but l had
a good digestion. Now l haven't even the di-
geston.
The hurrying years have cavorted over my
sunny head until they have worn it smooth,
but they have left a good deal yet for me to
learn. | am still engaged in learning during
the day and putting arnica on my experience
at night. IN
Childhood is said TO be the most gladsome
period in our lives, and in some respects this
statement may be regarded as reliable but it is
not all joy. 1 have had just as much fun in
later years as l did in boyhood, though the
people with whom have been thrown in con-
tact claim that their experience has been differ
ent | hope they do not mean anything per-
sonal by that.
do sometimes wish that I could be a boy
again, but / smother that wish on account OF
my parents. What they need most is rest and
change of scene. They still enjoy children,
but they would like a chance to select the chill
dren with whom they associate.
My parents were blessed with five bright
eyed and beautiful little boys, three of whom
grew up and by that means became adults. l
am in that condition myself was the eldest
of the family with the exception of my parents.
l am still that way. My carly life was rather
tempestuous III places, occasionally heCked with
sunshine, but more frequently with retribution.
l was not very good roadster when young,
and so retributiOn was most always just IN the
act of Overtaking me. While outraged justice
was getting in its work on me the other boys
escaped through a small aperture in the fence
That is another reason why do not yearn to
be boy again.
When we ran away from school to catch
clubs, and when we built a fire to cook them
and the fire got into the tall, dry grass and
| burned four miles Of fence and 16 tons Of hay
for gentleman for whom ] had high regard
and | went back to put out the fiTe-the other
| boys escaped and have so remained ever since
| just retribution has never had any diff.
Guilty in overtaking me and walking up and
! down over my wi5hbOne.
! When a party of US had been engaged II
! gathering Easter eggs in the barn of gentle
man who was away from home at the time and
| he returned just as we had filed our pocket;
| with the choicest vintage Of his sun kissed hens
| the other boys escaped while l was occupying
| the attention of the dog, and had to slide out
| the second story of the barn. 1t is still frest
| in my mind as / write. / wore my father
vest at that time and it was larger than wa
necessary. My father was larger than | at tha
! time for | was only nine wears of age and haC
| not arrived at my fall stature. In sliding doWI
the batten l discovered that the upper enc
of it was loose and that my flowing vest haC
slipped over it, so that when / got down abOu
| four feet hung with the board buttOned Inside
my bosom and the scrambled eggs oOzing out 0
my knickerbockers.
The battcn had sprung back against the barr
! IN such way as to prevent my unbuttoninl
my vest and while | hung there on the side o
the barn like coon skin, the proprietor Cam
| around and accused me of prematurely gather
ing his eggs.
l had heard the truth very highly spoken 0
by people who had dabbled in more or less
and so | resolved to try it in this instance. S
/ admitted that such was the case, and it wa
the best thing / could have done for the mai
said as had been 50 frank with him he woult
take me down as soon as he got his other woTl
done, and he was as good as his word. After h
had MIXED nine cows and fed nine calves b.
came around with a ladder and took me down
He also spanked me and set the dog on me, bu
did not mind that for | was accustomed to il
To hang on the side Of barn, however, like al
Autumn leaf, trying to kick large holes III TIA
atmosphere is dsagreeable
This incident cast gloom over my Who'll
life. 1t has also reconciled me to the aWfu
decree that | can never be boy again.
BILL NYE.