New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-01-15

1rs the old saying illustrated again: "Aps well that
ends WELL
Mr. Upshaw. the dimnullve Chief Clerk Of the TndiaS
Bureau. asris the people g"od deal OF by
the airs he gives himself ani tho title he assumed
"Cail mo General" ne srked the other day to .
vsitoH my friends all call me General"
"Whers do you that title r. inquired the visitor.
" You lsok too youlx to have been In tho war"
"On. have been called General for some time." 70
pod Mr.. Upshaw. and mr. friends know by ether
title"
Whom Upshaw was called - q witness before the Pan
Electric INVESTIGATING Gem ntse last year Mr. Ranney
Of Massachusetts endsavored to draw cut from him. but
he was unable to do the origin Of his title General
Mr. Urshsw tell Mr. Rsnney In tho insolent way which
distinguishes 81 many OF tho DE nocratc officials now
feeding at the public trough that It OF his bust
nes> how no the titc and remainder Of the
nittes sustained Mr.. Upshaw in this position
At the club the other night whom this incident s
ludrd TO- John Oberley the Owl Service Commissioner.
tsl the story OF msa-}sasrs Wattns believe was
the namewho used 70 live down In 5oathsrn Illinois
When he was In court . witness OF the lawyers
asked hin his nane.
General Watkins" was the reply.
"Wero you In the lato war r.
"No SIR"
"were you in the Mexican warr
"No, SIR"
"wsro you mnander of miltaf~
"No. SIR"
ada you ever hold military appontmsntr
"Ns. sir"
Then. asked the lawyer with sneer. how did you
get tn be g,Herail"
"I was born &c." was the reply.
Ono Of thu attaches Of the Chinese Legation has had
his photograph taken and ha, been presenting 1t to
friends and acqr intances-ladies mOsy-with nscrip
tons In Chinese oh rasters the back Ono young
lazy has hal the photograph the mautel In the draw
pg-roou sace she got It. and she takes paias to
show IL to every who cals she does not tell them
however that received only after persistent APP
peals to tho young Chn,nan Perhaps sns may after
this The other dav, 1t appears. gentleman callei at
the house OF Dor father who has long resided In China
knows the language Of that country we'll. To him
she turned for translation oil the characters the
back OF the Photograph. for" sail shs "my friend
the Chinanin. wouldn't tell mo what they meant md rs
he ace so strangely about the whole matter. am really
curious to know what thor saw"
The gentleman ganre at the writing and then at the
girl. Then he broke ont.
" I would rather not"
"whyi"
"well tnev"- no hestated. The girl kept urging him.
HIs protests only had effect Of making per
sistsn But last he yielded. aud here Is what he
sead:
In the Celestial Empire. where people called pagans
toll 1t Is net considered becoming In young maiden to
AK for tho picture Of young and such would
would bs punished fee nnod-sty, but IN this land
where civilization Is At Its height ysung ladies permit
emssvcs to do things which their heather sisters
would blush even to mentoa."
This is true story, IT at least tho reading OF
tho gentleman is concerned Whether the characters
really what he said they did Is quito another
question.
Congressman Mason tells story on his friend. Repre-
sentative John r. Thomas. of Inois. which Is worth
psatng. Mason says that man from Boston went
down into that district, kaswn In Illinois parlanco as
Egypt. win the intention Of engaging In business He
known possess consi era s amo INT OF money,
and when hs arrived at little town Cairo his
presence caused to extent sensation. After he
had been day ar tyo the town bum ca no into
the sf tho no oil asd taxing seat by the side
Of thu stranger. began
"Ss you have to reside with us. have you ="
The Boston man losksd around at the inquirer and
getting good whfof whisEoy. moved off little further
and said: Yes, sir"
"Well We are glad to see you"
The Boston Moved q little further away
and taking up spaper. held It bet face AMI
the animated distillery which had addressed him.
"Youre going into business are voui"
"Yss," replied the Boston man sharply.
"Lawyeri"
"No"
"Doctorl"
"No"
"BankerT
"Msrchantl"
ono"
"wsll." said tao Egyptian. "I would like to know
what sort OF business you propose to 20 into"
"rhe New-Euslander oOuli stand 1t NO lohger Turn
ing around he said:
don't proposo. sir to he crossexamned by any
Of person like YOU sir Itiss Gcisntto say that pro-
pose ~ 90 into some respectable business"
"Well, WE'LL" sootnngly remarked tho Egyptian as he
oil. won't have any competition In that line"
Representative Thomas declares that this story is
wicked SANDER.
Congressman Allen Of Michigan, received a letter
from OF his Democratic constituents the other day
In which no was requested to send number Of doou-
ments to the Aforesaid correspondent II WAS very
polite note AMI each separate request waA followed by
that the favsr woli he duly appreciated
and remembered by tho writer Mr.. Allen like most
Republican members Of the House, attends tn the wants
OF his constituents irrespective OF psltcs whether they
Democrats or Republicans. But tails correspondents
seemed to be somewhat uncertain absut T., for after
sgn-g his no aided folio wing significant post
scripti
dear SIR: Although Democrat myself. all my sheep
are high-tarif sheep"
Congressman o'Nsin OF Missouri. stepped up to the
lunch In the Of the House kept by the
venerable Mrs McGarriyan the othsr day. aud or
changing the greetings Of the with her purchased
gass Of milk ana small cake with which to appease tho
cravings OF patrsrs hunger After eating his frugal
al Mr. ONslll askoi tho proprietor fer the bill.
"Lemme ses" said the cid lady. "a mug o milk an =
sinnysun oakesix cents-ca II fove for the sake Of
aud Oireland"
Madame" said Mr. O'Neill. drawing himself to his
full height. "Malane how dare your
"Shure and pnats the matter. Misthsr O'Neillf'
"Madaa. you should know better; am Con-
gresham and vou cannsr bribo Take your money"
And throwing ak cents upon counter the incorrupu
BILE oNeill stalksd away win sly WAX at tho by
standors.
THAT speech o. Brother Iaes attacking the President
for turning all the ofsss to Tho Democrats re-