davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-09-14

..-s --nrt a-. .-- t--'e ,t--lf ways tlf
? r'..i.- a. ir,.,- e-.l-.. -.' ~f'a a1i
...n ...r T-s tl.-' t r- il-
= -. BE-, ..a.. tae aH4salir-. ...s ,-r.-
le t.e l.lf-,- CRAZE. e.l r..' t-. only
,aa.l Cd be- rrle.l.i t.r.s conveniently
......s tl.- sl.ls Il 3D.. -li ..l i9rt.
l..-.ols ~l.r. r1H.l easily atrts' oa tie
"ll-- il- .Je-l a. t-s lll.l e.4l.-.- Jt
o..r-e tie same system cl-.l b. adopted
bore a, tla- suggested tvs tls N4t.l7s. with
s... ..lrf.rsrl ..lts as tvs alJs- ls-e.- e--s
rieac- mag suggest.
ia addition O. those htl.--) re-t.o-ei
tlsfeis % s.-4. fort on Sandy u.o-. o-s 10
NAlets P..n. 20 tie SQUAD. ana for- oc-ly-
l.r opposite ol lcroeg l-es. a.i taeso are
I'D t-e f.s-ta.sss New YORK has And }e-
there cr. some clg. neers "l0 .l,l5- -le. even
.3H Ncr Nor.. co.,l not De clr.-rsl by l-y
fre.g1 At.tiia day or two OF nOt.os ca-lI be
bad Toy p4l- o. the large aes- %, 'aelts.
tI.b1.ts. tram5oati AMI sMa. brat SOLID AMI
leavy craft reTerually plying ID tls llroor.
and say f.at tae government could. as DC
certainly YOU'D, seize enough VI rl M %
completely close tle channels o- approach
d. sia1ing chem wiIa stone. as las been done
~ other wars /. is certainly t.-e tia, nat
ure has favored New York 3D. tls wa n
y.ry narrow channels 40 tie entrances o. her
larO0-s. all a. sai. distances. hg. 10 Is best %
have tAe nors scientific AM permanent &C.
lenses ready
Lieut.. Gr..In presents q careful ani com
p,ets cs-.;na-eo u the detelsas needed All the
cost f5r tie principal coast c.I.es o., the
Uutel States, making the t0ia. COS, SUJ,-
1900 This includes iron t-rrets. case
mated batteries, barbe,te batteries. torpedoei
AID torpedo boats and ample armament for
al, All the amount for New York Is ST.
$1,000 The total fos all the cities Is but
L.. per cent or the property TO b. protected.
IL only remains % add that tie expert
msn.s With new explosives far more powerful
than powder are proceeding satisfactorily,
AID that tie demonstrated success Of Lieut.
Zaiiask4s dynamite .ul-cr, rather, pnel-
matte gun, projecting a dynamite tcrpet0--
though as yet al comparatively short range,
promises new system OF immense utility
for rat.ona! defense. j. Il. DEAoLE.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-09-14
- wApswonrn - roMrALss.

Castle " lillian. az the northwest point q
the island, attracts every visitors attention.
it is as nearly Ike an oil circular tower u
the middle ag,s as any building IN TIE ma
ton, is bui.J of red sandstone and IS just as
valuable now for the defense OF the city as II
II were buil- OF cobs or clapb0aris One or
two OF the oldest cannols IN TIE country still
rust in the old embrasurcs, tie birds build
their nests IL them, and they eil . trife t. tho
picturesqlcness Of the situation. The castle
was begun IN 1871 and completed IN ISL
On the Other end Of the island Is the South
battery, which sometimes has a gun or two
in place. and near tie center Is Fort Column
bus These and tie quarters for officers ani
soldiers are the only buildings This island
was the first occupied by the Dutch, but they
moved in few days TO Manhattan, and the
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-09-14
aORHOW MUSIC.

An oven song - lid sconrs boiler. svcr.rr.
Than any note O." n9ca'iay 'in, iaow.
So that FAINT vO.cc fror. drso'a-.ol r.s.@s
bay solace and upil4t iAc wl-e wor.i through
-ELta X. Perry
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-09-14

--. ........ 90
.. ,.
... f...t
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-09-14
NEW Y0RK'S DEFENSES.
HOW a FLEET or HOSTILE SHIPS
WOULD GEACH TIE CITY.
The To-;s Arc not Of Any Cons c1ence.
but III. yes,ei, Can Only Inter tho
Uas5or Thro leh a Narrow Channel De-
feNsibic by Torpedoes.

l. + tie nationa
have revolution
lied their system,
OF naval varflrr
within the Ia {,
twenty-five years
The Crimean wa
trst demon sfTaf,l
that fle Oh 1855
TONS OF iani-e'i
r,.~t 'iu5. 20 o.
olro. tie Aror.
c.f civil w-r DO
trDiuri o..
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-09-14

Tho British dude does not button his cuff
rs our own curled darling IL brings TIA
two edges fat together, back 70 back, and
skewers them VITA short slansel double
headed button. So says the dmlnut.ye Mar
shall p Wilder, who proudly sports the IT,
novation. Suit and Ladie.' Wear
Review.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-09-14
TIE NEW BLUEBEARD.
And now can toll you the beginning Of

About two miles from 'He fa'i ..''
house there liyed = very h'fe' 'eslec''.D''
old lady and her niece. vince name wa. wa.
Zcr.na. At the time OF Bin 'ocafd iA''
few marriages Ieriina had ,een away Al
boarding school. and although Nrs. Or
lima that was the aunt had always ieli :
card after the wedding receptions, sle
had rover been 20 any Of them. ana lna"
but little Of the family il may be- taot
she lad "a slight pseiga.c" against Nr.
Bleobosrl on account O. having had oeca-
sion ID ral.. oI rstulr % leave card, SD
many different Times. after So many e't.
fer... receptions. and a. weddings. bat
sae aas such nice al lady tD1t she
ALWAYS believed et.l,tA.r- tIa every QUE
TOLD her, and when Ig.ia1i-at SIR fine.
beard ai iec uo '.ue o. q coursi an-
hLtlr Shat bee talked wD.. ld knowing
her a.nt araI. i.lt ca.ae ..r ii- wives
wuo. .e ta.a.ta ....1H... .r.te i..l .r-
m.. .i ,.r.l. i'fr I.'..-@ .1l4 d. Was,
she a.i I.f a... serE ...e.
l.r.a. t..t..sl a.f c.r and stayed
tu. ...r. f......r ... s.lt settings.
and t.n I. t0. D. lady ,..e
f.. a..f ..tt i1.aas tlf.fe
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-09-14
,.-.,.- -, -. ,,,-. \, tho oelcial perqui.

former vas set apar. ~ the Official perqni-
g. of the successive colonial governors sent
,ro.n Holland and Eaesinl. Hence tho
nan. The colonies fortified il in October,
-. 10 1924 quarantine was established
tno-e soon after the United States took pos
SCION. aui Sill retains IT, But IL useful
uo,s .s- defense has long since passed away,
md tie island viii probably soon be re-
gained hv the ci,y and nisde 4 park.
Proceeding down the bay six miles one on
tors .he NarrOvs, between the extreme west
.rn projection OF Long Island and eastern
pro- ,c-ion ~ Staten Island, and nere effect
i~a licenses iai-ht BE- made. rs the distance
from, t.,e cit. b.. great enough On the Long
Island size * tie Narrows IS For. Hamilton
on tie OTHER arc Forr.. wadsworih and
Tompsins. all q lit.ie ~ Tho Long Island
SIDE south Of Hamilton. Is the uo-ei Fort
Iaf1- e-te-riica a. s9-rov o. may AZ
American between 1851 aal -. and pos
..sn- rr0t4s,v moro unused meerili t1r
romance chan aar other fortress 90 tie
coast. Caea.al * defense slg-e--- Two se-
vor.r- ,rnYrrl tl...t, ol g.. - "a 4.-t
f.lft..e ..i twn ol t-s lra.r s..s. wi-l
i.-- .ri., added SD ls t1 c9nsr.l. t.a .rt re-
c.Islci. ;N. na.s suppl Hea-al ~ to.-
i...e. p. .n.'i .l t.s c..-.r Dl t.' e.-o1-el.
...iIH. .- t.s ..i. i
c ..rE ID ,,-j sorry
.ts al -.. i...H... t.l- ..l
. convenient r..r-e .-- cf che
f.... I..- I..4.. ai .r- .-.r.-vs
f.f.r L-.l revolving tl.r 't.
i4Iff .N. .ar. 3d.. lr.a .1.f lrI
$40 c .i-s. ste. rsr. ..r
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-09-14

Ono Of the ncwes, things ia fans is one
with smelling bottle in the stick. and in
Tie sme l.iA5 bottle little very strong
ammonia
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

"Once," writes an angler, with rod
and basket / set out to reach stream
at sunrise. Trespassing, l suddenly
found myself opposite Farmer Growl-
er, who, with his trusty dog Towser,
was stealthily awaiting my approach.
Fortunately the stream separated us,
and the bridge at distance. The
dog quickly received orders to cross,
and as quickly obeyed. To escape
his neetness and ferocity was impossi-
BILE, so up the nearest tree climbed,
with the dog ht its foot, and Growler
across the river Fastening to the
bridge and shouting:
"Hold him, Towser-hold him I"
"Thrusting my hand into the bask-
ct, procured strong fish hook, and
speedily attached it to a stout piece
of string. With dainty sandwich
as bait, fshed from my elevated
position and caught the dog. Fasten-
ing the end to a branch of the tree. |
hastened down the other side in safe
ty, just as Growler entered the field,
and making my escape in the opposite
direction, | greeted him with:
"'Hold him, Towser-hold him = 4"
-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

A lady accompanied by pug was
a passenger on Cass avenue car No. 8
one evening last week on its trip
north.
AS there was only one other passen-
ger the pug-a dainty bit Of dog flesh
was given the freedom of the car
and amused himself running up and
down the seats.
This did not please the driver of
No. s. Pulling the door of the bob
tail open he savagely remarked:
I'D ,gs not allowed on the seats !!
T'ke i'm off or I'll jerk i'm inter the
street,"
Puggy's mistress was equal to the
occasion. Inviting puggy into her
lap she cushioned him on a s4O0 seal
skin cloak and looked daggers and
defiance at the driver as she said in a
lullaby voice:
There, darling, it shan't touch the
nasty old cushions, so it shan't -
Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16
The Kicker Man.

The following items are culled from
the last issue of the Arizona Kicker :
"IT PLEAsEs Us.-On Monday aft
ernoon a delegation of our foremost
citizens, headed by that lank, long,
lean, cadaverous, dyspeptic old hum
bug, Col. Jim johnson, visited the
Kicker Office for the purpose of intim-
idating its editor and proprietor. THE
Colonel made us a little speech, in
which he said that our style was alto
gether too breezy for this locality,
and that if we did not mend our ways
the people proposed to chip in and es-
tablish a second paper here to run us
out. We heard the Colonel to the
end, and then with an iron side-stick
drove the gang INTO the street
%Chip in Start another paper
here! Why, in the first place, the
whole gang couldn't raise fifteen dol
lars to save their necks, and in the
second place, new paper might rake
the whole district with fine tooth
comb and not find another advertiser
or subscriber. If we didn't board
and lodge oarself, do all the editing,
composition, job.work, press-work,
rolling and mailing; if we weren't
rent free and used to wearing one
shirt for four weeks if we couldn' t
feel happy after meal on crackers
and cheese, the Kicker would have
never kicked twice.
ut pleases us The idea of another
paper makes us smile. The fact that
Col. Jim Johnson-a man who stole
his title in Indiana and busted up as
faro dealer in Omaha-is behind
the move makes us grow fat !! We
shall open on this old he-wolf next
week unless he skips the town, and if
we land him in jail he must remem-
ber that he provoked the fight"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

THAT'S OUR BUSINESS. "A pump.
kin-headed weekly, published over in
Tombstone by dough-faced rene
gade from New England, has been
poking fun at us for publishing dead
ads. We acknowledge to six columns
but that's our business. We set out
to furnish our subscribers with Iitera.
ry matter which they could compre-
hcnd and digest, and st. Jacobs Oil
and Lydia Piukham's compound just
hits 'em. Besides, we are sending
sample copies Of the Kicker all over
the country, and pride cornpels us to
make show of advertising.
"Go ahead with your fun, old fugi-
tive! Keep il up couple Of weeks
longer and we'll send your description
to the Chief Of Police Of Boston.
We've heard that he wanted to see
you for about n minute, and that you
broke out before you had served half
your sentence"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

Mrs. P.-I hear, Mr.. Growler. you
have been making complaints about
my house. wish you to understand
sir, that it is conducted on the best
English stye.
Growler-That's the trouble. |
can't sleep en- pillow that is the
Prince of Wales coat-ofarms.
What do you mean, sir?
Why, they are made up of three
feathers.-Judgc.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

"a JIM DANDY Bill Socket, the
owner of the green front saloon, has
gouged out another strangers eye,
making seven in the last six weeks.
Bill has got the gouging trick down
to fine point, and is so genteel and
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

BRASS WEDDING.-On Tuesday
evening of last week, Maj. Pete Scott
and his wife, of Jackass Hill, held
their brass wedding anniversary, and
it eclipsed anything in the society line
yet attempted in this locality. Their
dug-out was illuminated by two
pounds of tallow candles, and Green's
string band furnished the most en-
trancing music. All the nobs were
present, and dancing and feasting
prevailed to late hour.
"The only event which marred the
pleasure of the evening was al arrest
made by our sheriff. He collared
General De Lisle, society star, ust
as he had finished his first waltz, and
we are informed that the General will
be taken back to Wisconsin to stand
trial for barn burning.
No presents were given or expect
ed. 1t was more to introduce Mrs.
Scott to high society than anything
else. Pete used to be baggageman
on the c., @. & B. Road, aud his wife
was beer-slinger in a St. Louis sa-
loon. Some of the high-toned didn't
take kindly to her, but this blowout,
which served to show off their new
carpets and upright piano will place
her on the top shelf. There is some
talk that Pete is liable to arrest for
bunko steering in Chicago, and that
his wife could be tripped up for rob-
berry. but we wish the couple many
returns of the happy occasion. We
were there in person and can vouch
for the fact that it was square meal"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

"OBITUARy.--Sunday afternoon
last Judge Knapp passed in his checks
after an illness of only two weeks.
His wife had supported him by laun-
dry work for the last two years, and
although the widow has donned the
weeds and is figuring OH tombstone
with Il lamb on top of it, we have got
a dollar which says she's glad the old
loafer has gone to u hotter country.
If she isn't, we are, for he made our
Office his loafng place, aud the tobac.
co stains he left after him will keep
his memory green for year to come"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

courteous about it that it is almost a
pleasure to fall into his hands.
"In addition to this specially Bill
keeps fine stock of liquors and ci-
gars. and his pool tables are best in
town. He has lately repaired his
sidewalk and papered his saloon, and
we wish our town had more men like
him."
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16
WIT AND HUMOR
An offshoot- skyrocket.-star

There's nothing grabbed about oys'
ters, but it must be admitted that
they are shell fsh.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

Bank clerks are crossing into Otta-
wa. They think it good place To-
ron-to.-Star.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

The elderly man who falls in love
may not be in his second childhood,
but he is in his dote-age, just the same.
-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

A carpenter ought to make a
good pugilist. He is supposed to
know all about boxing.-N. Y. Star.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

A sign on a Brooklyn laundry
reads: "Rub Sam and Wash Bill"
But no one seems to want to under
take it.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

In order to send his daughters
beau home at reasonable hour, old
Mr.. Putout gave him toe-nic. 1t
had the desired effect.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16
Bucklen,S AruIca SaIye.

The best salvc in the world for cuts
bruises, sores, ulcers, salt rheum, fever
sores, letter, chappcd hands, chilblains,
corns, and all skin eruptions, and posi-
lively cures piles, or no pay required. 1t
a guaranteed to give perfect satisfaction,
or money refunded. Price 25 cents per
box. For sale by Field & Gray, drug
glsts. 841y1.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

1t might explode and blow me up.
Well, Great Scott. Do you want
any more convincing proof than that
-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

A new paper called the Lamp has
been started by couple Of ladies.
Devoted to Eight" literature, it is
prcsumed.-Norristown Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

Eds AL near-sighted?
Bill-Terribly so; why he wears
No. 2 eyeglasses and goes to sleep
with them on his nose.
Ed-What for?
Bill-TO see his dreams.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

Wife Ito second husband, who is
rummaging in closet)-Don't dis
turb that bundle of letters, John. |
wouldn't have anything happen to
them for the world.
Husband [fondly]-Oh, dear, then
you didn't burn those foolish love let
ters of mine after all. as you said you
did.
Wife-Yes. John, | burned yours
but those letters are from my first
husband,-Epoch.
Miss knight to new acquaintance
whose name she did not catch]-"Ety-
mology of names is my favorite study.
My theory is that all names indicate
what the persons ancestors were for
instance, my ancestors were knights,
the Smith family we're blacksmiths
and so forth. | think it's the best
way to tell what a person is, don't
you, sir ?"
Well. no, he didn't, because his
name was Hogg.-Judge
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16
Advertising Rates.

business Cards one year. one dollar per line.
LEGAL notices. among local reading matter, ten
'ents per lins for each insertion.
Business notices. Ave cents per limo each insertion
Births, Marriages and Deaths free.
Obituaries, Resolutions. Cards Of Thanks, etc,
at adyertisins rates.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

Don't you believe the milk | sell
you is pure p asked a milkman
of a customer who complained that
the lacteal fluid looked rather blue.
81 won't tell you what | believe" re-
piled the customer, "but | know your
milk makes my mouth water. ."-Ho-
tel Mail.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

Judge-Wby don't you test it?
| don't know of any convincing test
Touch lighted match to the crew
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

Lille Devereux Blake thinks wom-
en- ought to make good soldiers. The
suggestion comes rather late, Lille.
If it had been advanced in yo olden
dayes of merrie knighthood the dear
creatures could have worn an armor
round them at all times without blush.
ing.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

Teacher infant natural history
class ]-"You will remember that, will
you, Tommy. that wasps lie in tor
pid state all winter?
Tommy with an air of retrospec-
tion]-"Yes'm, and I'll try an re-
member that they make up for it in
summer. Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

De Kagg-There is most peculiar
odor, judge, that issues from bank
near my place. l think it is natural
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

81 think an egg would make that
coffee settle, Mrs. Scadgers," said the
impecunious boarder heedlessly.
"If the recipe is a sure one, pray
let me offer you an egg, Mr.. Sloapa," /"
responded the landlady severely, and
then the conversation languished.-
Boston Bulletin.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

Kate-Did you notice that queer
old maid in front of us? The way
her Psyche knot stuck out was per-
fectly appalling.
Celia-I did, dear. But how do
you know she is an old maid?
Kate-Well, / think it was by the
way she fingered over the "ah.men. +"
Bulletin.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16
Time Card in Effect Nov. goth, 1887.
Lv. Bay City

sDaily. All other trains daily except Sunday.
Parior cars on day trains. sleeping cars ON night
trains. Note Alpena fast express.
city Office, Phrnix Block, corner Washington
and Center AYES, aud ut nichiIan Central depot,
foot Of Washington Ave.
J. WHITING, Ticket Agent.
Bay City.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

Mrs. Flutterby-What has become
of your old cook :?
Mrs. Swallowtale-She has gone to
better place.
Mrs. F.-Had fortune left her,
eha Well, it's wonderful how those
low people manage to strike oil.
Mrs. S. (sadly)-Yes. She struck
it with match.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

Mrs. Finnigan-He's no betther,
doctor. You tould me to give him as
much of the powder as would lay on
sixpence. | hadn't sixpence, but |
gave him as much as would lay on
five pinnies and two half pinnies, and
it's done him no good at all.-S. F.
News Letter.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

5tt, {
|, MICH, WEDNES]
WIT AND HUMOR
An offshoot- a skyrocket.-Star.
There's nothing grabbed about oys-
ters, but it must be admitted that
they are shell fish.-Ex.
Bank clerks are crossing into Otta-
wa. They think it a good place To-
A carpenter ought to make a
good pugilist. He is supposed to
know all about boxing.-N. Y. Star
The elderly man who falls in love
may not be in his second childhood,
but he is in his dote-age, Just the same.
.Ex.
A sign on a Brooklyn laundry
reads: Grub Sam and Wash Bill"
But no one seems to want to under
take it.-Ex.
In order to send his daughters
beau home at a reasonable hour, old
Mr.. Putout gave him toe-nic. Ii
had the desired effect.
A new paper called the Lamp has
been started by couple Of ladies.
Devoted to eight" literature, it is
presumed. .-Norristown Herald.
Eds AL near-sighted?
Bill-Terribly so; why he wears
No. 2 eyeglasses and goes to sleep
with them on his nose.
Ed-What for?
Bill-To see his dreams.-Ex.
Lille Devereux Blake thinks wom-
EN- ought to make good soldiers. The
suggestion comes rather late, Lille
If it had been advanced in yc olden
dayes of merrie knighthood the dear
creatures could have worn an armor
round them at all times without blush
Don't you believe the milk | sell
you is pure ?" asked a milkman
of a customer who complained that
the lacteal fluid looked rather blue.
II won't tell you what | believe" re-
piled the customer, "but | know your
milk makes my mouth ater."-Ho-
tel Mail.
Mrs. Finnigan-He's no betther,
doctor. You tould me to give him as
much of the powder as would lay on
sixpence. hadn't a sixpence, but |
gave him as much as would lay on
five pinnies and two half pinnies, and
it's done him no good at all.-S. F.
News Letter.
"I think an egg would make that
coffee settle, Mrs. Scadgers," said the
impecunious boarder heedlessly.
"If the recipe is a sure one, pray
let me offer you an egg, Mr.. Sloapa," A"
the landlady severely, and
hen the conversation languished.- -
Boston Bulletin.
Teacher Infant natural history
,lass ]-"You will remember that, will
you. Tommy. that wasps lie in tor
oid state all winter ?"
Tommy with an air of RETROSPECT
,ionl-"Yes'm, and I'll try an re-
member that they make up for it in
,ummer."-Life.
Kate-Did you notice that queer
I'D maid in front of us? The way
,er Psyche knot stuck out was per-
iectly appalling.
Celia-I did, dear. But how do
you know she is an old maid?
Kate-Well, / think it was by the
way she fingered over the "ah-men."
Mrs. Flutterby-What has become
If your old cook
Mrs. Swallowtale-She has gone to
| better place.
Mrs. F.-Had fortune left her,
hi Well, it's wonderful how those
ow people manage to strike oil.
Mrs. S. (sadly)-Yes. She struck
t with a match.-Ex.
"Oh, Percy How strong you are!"
Exclaimed Clara Belle, as he embrace
ID her.
"Ya-as," said Percy; "I've had
considerable pwactice, dontcherknow."
"Do you mean to say that you've
'een squeezing other girls ?" demand
al his affianced recoilino indipnantlv
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-16

"Ob, Percy How strong you are."
exclaimed Clara Belle, as he embrace
ed her.
"Ya-as," said Percy; "I've had
considerable pwactice, dontcherknow." !"
"Do you mean to say that you've
been squeezing other girls ?" demand
ed his affianced, recoiing Indignantly.
cav, deah--no I-ah-run the
lettaw pwess in our office. ."-Ex.