Milford chronicle., 1888-11-09
A FAMILY PICNIC.

GOOD heavensl Julia Elizabeth, never
mention anything of that sort to me, ="
and after that one ebullition of wrath,
settled back in my chair and serenely
perused the evening papers. Serenely, l
say; well Iappeared to be in a perfectly
undisturbed state of mind, but any fair
minded reader who can well understand
the-well, the environment-wiu at once
perceive that a saint couldn't stand such
q suggestion, and never even pretended
to be one, though l know l am as good as
the average man.
It was a little rough on my wife, I'll
admit, and / suppose / shall make it up
to her in some way, but III be drawn into
any kind Of extravaganza, take a trip to
Japan, go into the wilds of Africa, do
anything, before I'll ever again submit to
the torturous experiences of a family
picnic, and I'm a man of spirit when I'm
aroused.
You occasionally find one who is led
around by his wife and her relations, but
I'm not the individual.
Perhaps you do not understand. but
when things are too exasperating Irelieve
my mind by sharing my experience with
an imaginary reader, feeling sure Of his
sympathy.
lullaby the way, it is only in moments
of great excitement l call her by her full
name-left the room Immediately after I
refused the invitation that had come from
her mother and sisters and cousins, etc,
to Join them in theirannual outing.
A few years ago, l remember, it was
really pleasant affair. We used to sail
up the river, land on an island for dinner,
sail farther up stream, go ashore, wander
around for a time and then return by
moonlght;,bu last years experience was
more than mortal man can endure and in
a seraphic way hear the internal kind of
affair again mentioned.
Why, we started, as they all do, with
baskets and bundles, gossamers and um-
brellas, wife and children piled ito tho
coach that took us to the wharf, where we
embarked on the little steamer that has
taken the place of the boats we used in
former days.
I managed to keep the boys near me
most of the time, so the voyage was com
paratively uneventful, though Alph sue
ceeded in putting his feet on one of the
baskets, thereby demolishing the custard
pies that occupied the top for safety o.
and Del overturned a milk can that 1 had
carelessly placed beside the basket; but
those were minor matters.
The first hour things went on pretty
smoothly. A few went fishing for fish
they didn't catch; the girls-l mean my
wife's young sisters-with some half
dozen cousins and friends, angled too, not
oil with the same kind of bait, however,
and 1 noticed not for the same kind Of
fish, but they angled.
Now time was when could catch fish
every time threw a fly and I'll leave it
to any other fellow to say if it isn't about
as fascinating sport as a man ever ex-
periences, especially when he Is the sue
cessful one of the crowd. This time,
however, though Mary's husband, my
brother-in-law, was one of them, and
cousin Helen and Jim, with Julia in the
boat with them, rowed away to the
shadiest nook they could find, they seemed
to consider me in the light Of a nurse
maid. for Mother-in-law Spiller said, "0f
course you'll go, Julia; get right into the
boat. You've had care enough of those
children, and John and will see to them
today and let you have day Of rest"
What could do but insist upon It, too?
did really wish the dear girl to have On
enjoyable time, but the-well, never mind
what proposed to say-Pm not a growler
like some men; never was, but suffice it
to say, Julia went, and was glad of it,
of course.
Her mother, with few other elderly
ladies, stayed to arrange the lunch, that
appeared to them to be the chief attrac-
tion. Uncle Ben devoted himself to the
boys for short time, but Mother-in-law
Spiller soon called him to squeeze the
lemons and prepare the kindlings and
wood they would need for the "fry," and
sundry other things thet always fall to
his lot. Somebody, you know, has to be
ffrF r1nf on cTrnh
Uncle Ben, fortunately for the rest, was
always the one. When was more Of a
youngster, used to pity him, but since
I'm paterfamilias Of several years stand
ing, imagine the sly twinkle of his eye
means more than / once suspected, and
my sympathy turns TO admiration and
envy.
John, look sharp after the boysi'
called out Mrs. Spiller.
Alph was Juggling at my coat sleeve,
and Del had both hands In one Of my
pockets, but remarked pleasantly, "Ill
keep them in sight,
It wasn't long before Alph was punch
ing Del, and Del was striking out in a
forcible If not scientific way. 1t took con-
siderable muscle to separate the young
belligerents, but that wasn't all. Their
grandmother saw the performance, and
expressed her disapproval by saying in
her most digni6ed way, "A man who can
not control his own temper is not fit to be
father" and then with lRchrymal glands
in working order, added, ''Thank heaven,
Julia did not witness this scene"
most ANONYMOUSLY retreated-that
is, did not utter one word, / merely
picked M the two urchins. and went on