Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1888-06-28
WIT AND HUMOR.

1t seems appropriate for Jay Gould's
house to stand on the corner. Pitts
b%rg Chronicle.
Now is the time to put your lawn in
order-and to form lawn order
league, as it were. Lincoln Journal.
Betting on a mans death is called
life insurance. Money is paid over to
the friends of the winner. -Nea0 Or
leans Ptcayu1ae.
The people Of this country are not
in need of any new language. Many
of them cannot speak the one they
Richmond iStcte.
New Jersey is about to try the ex-
pertinent of high license. 1t should
be as high as lightning rods to cover
Jersey liquor. = NeW Orleans Pica-
yu'ae.
Bob Ingersoll is so irreverent that,
if he should see Death coming on
pale horse, he would look around right
away for the red-headed girl.-Jour-
nal Of Education.
Kentucky teacher (of infant geo.
graphy CLASSY Tommy Blood may tell
us what strait is. Tommy Blood
It's jest the plain stuff 'thout nothin in
it.-Nea0 York Sun.
A Boston woman who used to spend
$75 per year for kid gloves now gets
along with three pairs. Reason: Her
husband bought her diamond ring
Detroit Free Press.
Brown has threatened to kick me
if he meets me out in society. Suppose
you were me, and should see him come
into the room, what would you do?"
"Sit down. "-Judge.
Boston says Sullivan was over
trained. This is like John Randolph's
description of some Virginia land:
Poor by nature, and ruined by cult
walton. y Baltimore american.
A prehistoric dam has been discoy-
cred in Oregon. 1t is supposed to
have been uttered by Hannibal Ham
lin the first time he went out with no
overcoat. San Francisco Alta.
The name of the new japanese Min
lister to Washington-Munemistu Nut
su-will seem strange to correspond
ents for awhile, but they will soon get
used to it.-Baltinore american.
Women are by nature more or less
limited in their sphere of usefulness.
There is probably not one now living
who could become silent partner in
any concern. Duluth Photographer.
Look at her waist! I notice that
the ladies generally are wearing high
necked dresses this year. Eyes" said
the old fox-hunter; "they seem to have
been driven to cover at last. life.
The party which expects to win sue
cess by evasion of public questions is
as far "of" as the cook who tries to
make buckwheat cakes out of the bat
ter of baseball club.-SGn Francisco
Alta.
just keep track of them this sum-
mer and you will find that nine-tenths
of the people drowned were good
swimmers. The chap who can't pad
die stays on dry land.-Detroit Free
Press.
Matthew Arnold objects to Ameri-
can nomenclature, and ''Griggsville,"
"Briggsville, and the like, set his
teeth on edge. Pleasant mornings
Mr.. Arnold is often seen on ''Rotten
Row. Epoch.
How dared you sell me bad fish
yesterday" asked some angry house
keeper of an itinerant fishmonger.
Twas your own fault, marin. | of
fered it to you five days before. -
It'd Bits.
Old man Cat the head of the stairs)
Hasn't that young man gone yet,
GIox.a9 Tla,rcrhtar.
disturbing you? Old man-Yes; the
silence down there is oppressive
Ne,0 York Sun.
81 viii and devise" says the mill
ionaire, and when he is dead his heirs
devise ways to circumvent his will. 1t
is almost enough to discourage a man
from trying to be millionaire. -
Teras Sifttngs.
Il want strong man for the place.
What was your last occupations" Il
was a carver of spring chicken in a
downtown restaurant" Take off
your coat and 60 to work at once" y
Boston Gazette.
Mr.. Southdown Popiniay-What
collection of bric-a-brac our
hostess has collected! Mrs. SEWER
Yes, hasn't she? I've just been adj
miring that example of enamel crackle-
work on her back!-Puck.
Friend (to business man)-"You
seem to be busy this morning, Brown"
Brown 3 Yes, I've got about fifty
letters to write. why don't you
use your typewriter" I'm in too big
a hurry. "-Tegas SJtiRgS.
1t is just as hard for the man who
employs a stenographer to refrain
from casually abiding to it as it is for
a woman to fasten the top button of
her Newmarket when there is a dia-
mond-pin at her throat.