Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1888-09-14
with cannibaIs.

with cannibals.
'.Now, all this time," says Mr.. Russell, ~
kept moving away from Baxter. l had come
for smoked salmon. When learned that
there was no smoked salmon to be had, l was
prepared to go my way and pursue my usual
line of business. But Baxter would not let
me 60 He kept right on talking, and the
longer he talked the wider he diverged from
the original subject of smoked salmon.
might have left the store abruptly might
have torn myself rudely away-but I did
not wish to offend Baxter. He was well
meaning man and liked him-yes, really
liked him, in spite of the circumstance that
he was sapping my vitality.
II had worked my way pretty well to-
wards the door and was nervously thrum-
ming on a jar Of picked peaches that stood
on the counter. If Baxter had had any
delicacy of observation, he would have seen
how anxious was to get away.
"'Darned good peaches in that JAR said
he. 'Growed 'em myself. No spiders nor
lizards nor snakes in them peaches, like there
Is in the peaches they bring from Californy.
Mr.. Emerson wuz out in Californy last sum-
mer, an when he come back he told us that
the country was greatly overestimated.
''But, Mr.. Emerson" sez I, "the geographers
tell us that for scenery and climate the Pa
cific slope is unekaled." "My friend" SEE the
sage sadly, and shakin' his finger as he used
to when about to inculcate great moral
truth, Tiny friend, wot is climate without
philosophy or scenery without pier"
"'Well, must be going said I, and I
made another move toward the door.
"sMaybe you'll find some smoked salmon
round to Mr.. Ridgely's, under the tahvern,'
said Baxter. 'Ridgely did used to keep
smoked salmon, an now that come to think
of it, the Widow Eastman's girl wuz tellin'
mo only day or two ago that she got some
smoked salmon there not long ago. Didn't
like it none too well; had angleworms and
moths in it; leastwise that's what the girl
said, but there's no dependin' on what folks
say nowadays, there are SO many blamed
liars in the world There wuz Bill Newton
LYNN Bill we all called him. Never wuz
near water all his life, yet he wuz always
tellin' about the fish he'd caught. Once, when
he wuz sick with the jaunders, his father sez
to him: 'Bill, how air you feelin'F' "Finer'n
fiddle" seq Bill. "That settles It," sez the
old man, and he started off for the under
taker His confurdence WIZ not misplaced.
When he come back with the undertaken Bill
wuz q corpse
s'When got home that afternoon" said
Mr. Russell, ''the setting sun flooded my
humble home with the mellow golden wealth.
My wife was surprised to see me back from
Boston so soon. No, Alice said I, "rve
not been to Boston. missed both trains. I
was too busy to go-busy with Mr.. Baxter.
Within the last eight hours have been all
around the world two or three times, and up
and down the shadowY aisles of ancient his
tory. know everything now. and all about
everybody and everywhere-Baxter had me
for eight hours
"'Sol Smith Russell, she cried, ARE you
crazyP
mo, Alice DEAR said I, mot crazy, but
weary-oh, so weary
Snow what do you suppose Alice didf She
| sympathized with me2 She took me to her
arms, soothed my aching head, and refreshed
! my arid hearth No, not much did she.
''She pierced my very marrow with the
aspect of basilisk, and in q tone that would
have instantaneously CONCEALED scalding wa
| ter, she said: If that isn't just like o man
There you've been hanging around Baxter.
store all day and you've forgot all about that
| smoked salmonr n-Chicago News.