The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1888-03-01
WIT AND HUMOR.

|
Puck.
If man vans to give helping
hand to struggling young man let
him slip in four aces.-NeU Orleans
Ptcayune.
Mr.. Eeatherly-What beautiful teeth
Miss Smith has! Miss Sharptongue-
Yes, / think this SCI much prettier than
her other.-Life.
If Mother Eve had Inherited the
ability of some of her daughters what
| fool she would have made of his
snakeship!-Puck.
| 1t is perhaps unnecessary to observe
that the school does not experience
poetic emotions when it's 'witching
time. "-Ne,c HaUen Ne,OS.
They tell in Washington of a lady
who gave ga pale green and red
| Notwithstanding in Holsters and
lettuce Observation-Disclosures Record
The author of .Big Wages and How
to Earn Them" is said to make less
never read his book.-Norristoacn
Herald.
1t is said that Jay Gould enjoyed
the novel sensation of a short balloon
trip in Paris. He's got the earth, and
he probably went up to take look at
the sky.-Puck.
1t is understood that the inventor of
self-raising flour is engaged in per-
fecting self-raising servant girl war
ranted to raise herself at any hour in
the morning. Puck.
IL Il,
young lady-Guess what we are going
to have tonight. Mrs. Bascom-I
knowed it 1 smelt 'em clear out to the
gate.-Burlington Free Press.
The Rev. DR.. Newton has been
preaching about the dawn of univer-
sal peace" He has probably found
sure plan of getting people to "shut
the door" Philadelphia Inquirer.
He-I declare, Miss Angelina, you
reat me worse than your dog! She
o, Mr.. de Mogyns, how can you say
so? Pm sure | never make the slight
est difference between you.-Punch
We are not very far up in grim
visaged war or ecclesiastical matters,
but we think that if canon of the
church has proper respect for him.
self he will affect military carriage
The Epoch.
The Gar wants to have Prince.
Cantacuzene represent the Russian
Government in Sophia. Sophia as can
be learned the Gar Cantacuzene one
of opposing this project. No flowers.
-Neto York World.
A Pole named Hentzlstezski recently
settled few miles from Binghamton.
From the jagged appearance of his
name we should take him to be sec
ton of barbed-wire fence rather than
a pole.-Norristoa0n Herald.
death has played dirty trick on
this town says an Arizona paper,
by sneaking in upon us and bearing
off the only bartender who knew how
to mix a Tom and jerry to circulate
through the system. "-Detr01 Free
Press.
In Turkey when 4 man is caught in
a lie an official is sent around to paint
the front of his house black. A city
full of ring politicians would soon look
like funeral. 1t would be livelier to
paint the town red.-Nea0 Orleans
PicGyulae.
If some one who knows would ex-
plain why there is so much more
coughing to the square inch in a
church congregation than in theatre
audience he would solve a much-vexat.
question of the hour.-BoSton Com
naonUealM.
A neat and pretty wall-pocket is
made of half-section, cut vertically,
| Of nf 10 cnacnnfc thnntrn hot
you do not wish to cut the hat it may
be supplied with wooden base, and
will then make an excellent umbrella
stand.-Puc6.
All the men engaged in the Arkan-
| sas and Texas train rObberies for the
last two years are now under arrest,
but so far not single railroad official
engaged in robbing passengers of their
| lives has felt the touch of the hand.
cuffs.-DetroH Free Press.
Doctor-Dd you say to your hus-
band, Mrs. Hendricks, that, if agree
bic to him, would send bill for SER
vice rendered during his recent severe
illness? Mrs. Hendricks-Yes, doctor
and he thought you had better wait I'm.
til he gets little stronger. life.
Man still triumphant: There's no
use of denying it, woman has the in.
ventive faculty highly developed
What did woman ever invent?'
why, the bell-punch, for instance
perhaps she did. but it was man who
invented the whisky punch" NEBRASKA
State Journal.
/ A Connecticut woman has embroid-
cred the words and music of Home,
Sweet Home" on linen sheet which
is on the spare-room bed. Her guests
have not decided whether the hostess
means to indicate that they must feel
at home, or had better 90 home
Boston TraUeler.
Miss McCusker (of Cincinnati)-
I'm so glad to see you, dear. And just
in time for the party, too. Hiss
Hinckley (of New York)-Tm afraid
I'm too tired to dissipate much. Miss
| McC.-This isn't dissipation, chere
annie. Papa's invited several people
to 60 over to the factory and see them
pack pork morrow.-Itd- BITS.
New arrival Tin New York; l was
told to come here, for information
about getting naturalized. New York
official-Happy to meet you, sir; hope
you had a pleasant passage. What
can do for you? Il wish to know
how long man must be in this
country before he can vote?" I'm
er-Which tick et?'-O Omaha World.
The enterprising parson: Eastern
country rustic (to the new in.
cumbent-Begy y pardon, sir, but be
yeau agoin' to farm yer glebe, sir?
Cause as how-that.s the artist an for.
rudest bit O land in the who'll parish
an our last parson, he used to get in
his haye-then he clap on the PRAYER
for rain! an where wor we?-Punch.
Omafra man-Your soiourn in Texas
seems to have done YOU a great deal
of good must be fine climate. Re-
turned invalid feel like a new man,
but it wasn't the climate, it was the
| exercise. 1--WE never cOuld preyaiI on