The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-05-16
Pith and Point.


A RicHLAND PENN township scholar re-
Gently defined the word /" barnacle " as =" a
tramp who sleeps in barn"
Mrs. GARRETT ANDERSON, the leading
female doctor in England, has an income of
$4,000 year from her practice,
WIFE: Women are often criticised for
wearing loud colors. What would you call
a loud color2" Husband: "Yeller, | sup
pose"
A TALL man having rallied his friend on
the shortness of his legs, his friend replied:
My legs reach the ground; what more can
yours do?"
IT is said that there is a carpenter in Mil
waukee who is so expert with his lathe that
he can turn deaf ear on the slightest provo
cation.-L0e.
THE man with an only son: "What kind
of scholars do you turn out at this insttu-
tion?" Principal: "Those who won't
study."-Neio Hdren Ne,CS.
THAT was bright youngster who, hear
ing his mother remark that she was fond of
music, exclaimed; "Then why don't you
buy me um?"-Mocking Bird
AN Illinois juryman went insane during
the trial. If this thing happens often coun-
sci will have to be prohibited from address,
ing the Philddeiphia Inquirer.
AN English seer has discovered that the
numerical value of the letters in Bou-
langer's name when added up, amounts to
666, the number of the beast Of the Apoca-
lypse.
THE best place.-Foreman: d" In what col
umn shall I put the account of the man
who fell and broke his ackbone?" Editor
(busy writing LEADER: Spinal column,
of course. "-Hdrper's Bdzar.
PATIENT dumping from the dentists chair
and crying with anguish); 60! o! o! l
thought you pulled teeth without pain?"
snN al t1..A. L..
it don't hurt me any. "-TerdS Strings.
LITTLE three-year-old Arthur was pulling
the cats tail when a gentleman visiting
there said: You mustn't do that; she will
bite" To this he replied "Cats don't
bite at this end. "-Youth'S Companion.
EVERYBODY in the church except the new
pastor himself seemed to enjoy it when he
lost the place in his manuscript, and while
hunting for it spoke of " Esau who sold his
message for a birth of potright - Burling-
ton Hdvkeye.
Pedestrian "You say you are beggar
by professions" Beggar: eyes, sir; won't
you help me a trihe to-day" Pedestrian:
" why don't you try to get into some honest
business?" Beggar: ~ am afraid change
at my time of life would be disastrous. 1t
doesn't do for man to throw up good
thing for an uncertainty. It'd Bits.
PASSENGER Ito conductor on southern
railroad): You seem nervous and excited,
conductor. Anything wrong?" Conductor:
" Wrong? ] should say so! I've made a
mistake, an if we don't reach Shacknack
switch in five minutes the train is doomed.
Talk about being nervous you would be
nervous yourself if you were in my place.
Ticket, please. "-SuH.
ACCORDING to the Detroit Free Press a
Chicago burglar read in newspaper that
he had overlooked $50 in bureau drawer.
He returned the next night and not only
secured it, but suit of clothes besides.
Here we have another illustration of the
value of the press as dsseminator of use
full information. Now is the time to sub
Standardization Herald.
A PARIsHIoNER stood up in st. Georges
church, Bolton, Eng, recently, and forbade
the banns of a couple intending to be mar
ried. The director was quietly requested
to go to the vestry at the close of the
service, when it was learned that he
grounded.his opposition on the alleged fact
that the man was in debt, and consequently
not in position to be married.
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: " Had you ever
saw this man before?" Witness: " Yes"
" Had he came before you had went?"
no.. .to, Us Is, then your eggs what you say
recognized them if you had seen them be-
fore they was brung here 2" Yes, I would
have knowed them" "Speak grammatic
young man! 1t amt proper to say have
knowed; you should say have knew
Cincinnati Enquirer
THERE was a great row going on inside
the house and policeman rushed up to a
small boy sitting quietly on the fence in
front: 60 What's the matter in there ?'
asked the cop. ooh, nothin'," was the as
they are fighting" "Chestnut; but faint
bad. You see, me and pap organized a trust
agin the old lady and she's legislatn' in
there now to bust it." What are you do
ing out here ?" d" I'm stayin' away so there
won't be no quorum, while pap does the
hlbusterin' There, hear him holler? |
guess the majority is scorin another point"
And the boy got down and cautiously peeped
through the window, while the policeman
leaned up against the fence and Waited
Washington critic.
THE following is Nebraska editors ex-
PLANTATION for being late &c Our paper is two
days late this week, owing to an accident
to our press. When we started to run the
edition Wednesday night, as usual, one of
the guy-ropes gave way, allowing the for
ward gilder-fiuke to fall and break as it
struck the tiunker-tlopper. This, of course
as any one who knows anything about a
press will understand left the gang-plank
with only one tlip-1ap to support it, which
also dropped and broke off the wrapper
chock. This loosened the 1uking between
the ramrod and the flibber-snatcher, which
delay was caused by overindulgence in
Intoxicating stimulants by ourself is a tissue
OF falsehoods, the peeled condition of our
right eye being caused by our going into the
hatchway of the press in our anxiety to
start 1t and pulling the couplng-pn after
the slap-bang was broken, which caused the
dingus to rise up and welt us in the optic
We expect brand-new gilder-huke on this
afternoons train
The full list of delegates in the Methodist
general conference shows 281 ministers
and 175 laymen, who represent Ill annual
conferences. One hundred twenty-nine
of the ministers are presiding elders,
102 pastors in active service, eleven editors
of organs of the church, nineteen presi-
dents, deans, officers and agents of edu-
cational institutions, three missionaries
five persons connected with the publishing
interests Of the church and thirteen officers
of church societies. Among the laymen
there are twenty-seven lawyers, thirty-four
merchants, twelve bankers, thirteen teach
ers, ten manufacturers, nine dealers in real
estate, four insurance men, six farmers, four
judges, two presidents of universities, one
railroad president, six physicians, two CAPT
talists, one governor Governor Lounsbury
of ConnecticuD, one national bank exam
liner, one publisher, one author" one
county auditor, one congressman, one civil