Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1888-12-17

The confectioner is supposed to make
his candy over bon-bon fire.
Bay View chiropodist has dubbed
himself civilian, the corn-curer."
new story is called "The Editors
Purse" There is nothing in it.
Editor-I think 1 write better than
used to. Editors wife.-You write less.
That's better.
Advice to husbands Never talk in your
sleep unless you are sure what you are
going to say.
when grow up, said little six-year-
old philosopher, ''shan't | feel strange
for day or two?"
physician says if child does not
thrive on fresh milk, boil it. He does not
say how long the child should be boiled.
No matter what the subject of CONVEX
sation may be when two women meet at
the back yard fence, there is much to be
said on both sides.
Joanna, in the kitchen, wakes angry
with the chambermaid, and frigidly re-
marks IF there is anything that l hate
it is somebody don't like
Says a critic of the Signal Service Blu
reau. They used to call him old Prob
Abilities but since he lost his abilities
they call him old Prob
All" said the fly, "a it crawled around
the bottle. Il have passed through the
am in the mucilage"-then it stuck.
A suburban Boston poet has discover
ed that the order of sequence in court
ship is first to get on good terms with the
girl second with the dog and third with
the parents.
Stranger (to shabby individual Are
you the janitor of this building? No, sir,
that w,ll-dressed gentleman with the
plug hat is the janitor Who are you? L
am the proprietor here.
Its terrble!" exclaimed an old lady
upon reading of premature burial, land
1 know that when die I'll be worrying
all the time I'm in my grave for fear I've
been buried alive"
Under the laws of Iowa passenger
who sticks his. head out of a car window
and has it knocked off by switch bar
is guilty of misdemeanor, and can be
sent to Jail for three months.
Would you believe, said a thriftless
young man to a friend, ''that had for
tune in my grasp last night?" Chow SOP"
| fria e.,,;+l
lady whose fingers were covered with
diamonds"
Dear Mr.. Editor: Please read the en-
enclosed poem carefully and return it
with your severest criticism as soon as
possible, as l have other irons in the fire.
Dear Mr.. Smith-Remove the irons and
insert the poem.
Customer thought, Isaacstein, that
you didn't do business on Saturday. Isn't
this your Sunday?" Mr.. Isaacstein Gin
low, reverent tone of voice)-My trent,
to sell coat like that for sayventeen
tollars vas not peesness, dot vas charity.
A Scotch beadle took his sweetheart
to a graveyard, and showing her dark
corner, Sdlu MARY, my lOlhS TIC OhSlS'
Would you like to lie there when yon
die?" 1t was a grim way of proposing,
but Mary was sensible Scotch lassie, and
accepted him.
To his fond father who had asked him
where he is in his class now: "Oh, pa,
I've got much better place than had
the last quarter" ''Indeed Well where
are your" I'm fourteenth. Fourteenth,
you little laZybones You were eighth
last quarter Do you call that better
placer" Eyes, it will be nearer the stove"
1t was a New England deacon who said:
eve are thankful for one spark of grace,
and are confident that il will be well wa
tered" But 1t was a minister who one
day announced to his congregation "You
will be sorry to hear that the little church
at GAINESVILLE is once more tossed upon
the waves, sheep without shepherd"