The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1888-07-26
THE RAMBLER.
His Interesting Pen Pictures Of Men and
Things.

The Ogden Standard takes occasion to
write up Southern California in recent
issue, and pays its kind regards to "the
hidden hand" and compliments the fes-
tive flea in the following realistic manner:
Every lady carries an extra hand in
southern California. Without it life
would not be- worth living, despite the
alleged fine climate.
When young man takes his girl to
the theater in San Diego, and after the
curtain has fallen upon a passionate love
scene, whispers to her, "Give me your
| little white handr' she does not falter,
blush and reply in an agitated manner,
"Ask pap She answers in matter of
fact way, Certainly, but give it back
quick, cause l want to use it myself
and then she presents to him tiny hand,
shapely as fairy's and white as ivory.
He does not press it to- his bosom or lips;
he shoves it down under his lingerie at
the back of his neck; and after it has ar
rived at the one spot between his should
ers which he cannot reach with either
one of his own hands he agitateS it Wig
orously. In fact he scratches with it,
and as the ensuing delicious sensation
thrills through his being he grunts,
"U-g-g-g, Clara, amt that goodr' Then
he withdraws the hand from its tempor-
ary hiding place and gracefully restores
it to his girl and she Immediately con-
ceals it on her person. One busy moment
passes, during which the expression of
her face changes from ANNOYANCE to
pleasure. and she answers in satisfied
gurgle, 'U-g-g-g, Charlie, l should think
SOP
They enjoy the next scene of the play,
because they have scratched their flea
bites. The hand which they use is known
in Southern California as a "back
scratcher," and no lady of the bon ton
appears in recherche assemblage with
out this necessary adjunct of luxurious
life. Fleas swarm by billions in San
Diego and Los Angeles. They crawl all
over people at theaters and balls. Of
course when one nlps man on his arm,
leg or bosom he can pinch the spot and
get up counter-irritation. But when a
brutal flea fastens between his shoulders
about eight inches below the top of his
collar, his unaided hands are of no use
and he must have "back scratcher" in
stantly or become gibbering idiot.
This 'back scratcher" consists of small
hand carved from ivory, with the fingers
bent over like the teeth of rake, the
hand being fastened to a slender ebony
or rubber wand about eighteen inches in
length. Several "back scratchers" hang
as useful ornaments in every fashionable
parlor in San Diego; and no dinner is
considered complete without a "back-
scratcher" at each plate. 1t is regarded
as an almost superhuman moral agent,
since it has abolished ninety per cent.
of the profanity of southern California.
An Ogden man who returned disgusted
recently, has presented the Standard
with his family 'back scratcher," which
was so necessary there but is useless here.
1t will be kept on exhibition at this
office for few days; and the public is
cordially invited to examine it and give
it trial.
1t has been stated to us as an actual
fact by an eastern man, who was befooled
into buying some property in southern
California, that one-half the supposed
real estate was fieas. When he picked
up handful of ''soiI'' to examine it, he
had to look quick or it crawled away
from his hand and scattered over his
person. 1t is truly no figure of speech to
say that man who buys land there
"gets bit"