Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1888-12-06
SKELETONS.
How Their Use Wrought Confusion
In DR.. Sparkle's Church.

DIR. Philalethes Sparkle was a great
man in small way. He was the vicar
OF an important suburban church,
wherein highly respectable and not
wholly unintelhgent congregation was
wont to assemble for worship. In
that congregation the pastor had no
enemies, while he could boast of a
large number of thorough-going and
ardent admirers. The man was adj
mittedly well-fitted tor his post. He
was kind-hearted, liberal-minded,
quick-witted, a fluent speaker. and. in
the opinion of many, a thoughtful as
well as eloquent preacher.
But, in truth, ''thoughtful'' was just
what DIR. Sparkle was not. His great
dificu1ty-and one that increased
weekly-was about ideas. When he
knew what to say he could say it well.
No man could produce more brill
liant coruscation" Or effective fare-up
from a paltry amount of material; but
then, the fuel had to come from someG
where, and that was the doctors diff
Guilty. He had a reputation to main
tain, and he was fully, almost pain
fully, conscious of the fact. When
Mr.. Grundy, the peoples warden, in
vited a friend home for Sunday he
would say: 1.-THE missus will do the
best she eau to provide a bit of dinner,
and we can promise you good sermon,
at all events" Grundy, who was
good fellow, though a jerry-builder,
used to repeat his little joke to the
ho foiv
representative of many others in the
congregation.
Under these circumstances and being
sorely harassed by the recurrent dry
ing up of the well-spring of his ideas,
DIR. Sparkle had his attention arrested
one morning by an artfully-worded cir
cular which he found among his letters.
It began as follows:
STRICTLY PRIvArE.-Ad Czerrm.
Moved by the spirit of sympathy, and actual
ed, as he humbly hopes, by a desire to promote
the highest ends, the writer addresses himself
to his over-wrought and sorely oppressed breth-
rem Having had an exceptionally wide expert
once of parish work in town and country, among
rich and poor, educated and ignorant, he be-
ueves himself to be fully conversant with the
tastes and requirements OF each separate class
In the community. No one better than the
pare-amid a multitude Of other vocations-
two, three, or more sermons week He has
suffered himself. and can therefore, feel for his
brethren who are suffering. Accordingly he is
anxious, at the lowest price that will cover
actual outlay, TO impart to his brethren the re-
suits of sermon production which has been per-
fected by himself after years of anxious toll
and profound study.
After good deal more of this sort
of thing, the circular went on to ex-
plain that clients could be provided
either ID with the finished article, i.
e., Autographed sermon ready for
Immediate delivery, and carefully
adapted to any specified class of hear
ers; or (2) with .'thought-awakener.
or skeleton, containing outlines, Illus
trations, applications, etc.. which
could be filled in or amplified accord
ing to the taste and talents OF the pur-
chasers. Finally. a guarantee was
given that the same sermon or body OF
notes would never be sent to two cler-
gymen residing within fifty miles OF
each other, and that, as far as posi-
BILE, a yet wider area of distribution
would be observed.
DIR. Sparkle smiled as he read the
bombastic document, and was about to
throw it into the waste-paper basket.
when something stayed his hand.
II wonder whether many clergymen
avail themselves OF this sort of thing,
NV dear?n he said, tossing the circular
to his faithful wife. who generally sat
with him for an hour of morning.
..To deliberately get up and read an
other mans sermon seems to me ALSO
lutely sinful.
"But all men are not gifted like you.
Lethe, dear; and suppose there are
some who find it very difficult to preach
q good sermon, suggested MRS
Sparkle.
SIT is the dishonesty OF the thing
that shocks me, !" explained the Doctor.
..lf a man can't write a sermon. or
hasn't time, let him honestly say SO.
Let him take printed book and read
from it; but to go into the pulpit Win
q Autograph, and deliver it as his own
is thing can not conceive any Chris
tian man daring to do.
ut would be different If it were only
the notes. said the lady, who had
been examining a specimen Thought
awakener,n that had been incloseo
with the circular.
AZ don't like the idea at all; 1t savors
of untruthfulness. replied the vicar
in lofty tone.
Mrs. Sparkle felt rebuked. not so