The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1888-10-11
NEWSPAPER HUAIOR.
Written With Six Dollar Pair Of Shears.
Called To Ordpr-Tba yvo;,o.

Written With a Six Dollar Pair of Shears.
Called to order-The waiter.
The cream of society-Ice cream.
1t is the police who ma-nip-u late.
The child of the sea-The harbor
b 10Y.
In the human race tue butcher holds
the steaks.
Historians are generally very sec
Twin sisters-Miss-mansgement and
Miss fortune.
A man makes his maiden speech when
he asks a young girl to marry him.
Not often may a lawyers cbarzes be
mentioned as bordering on the fee-nom-
inal.
Vermont claims to be the 'star that
never SETS" Something like rooster,
then.
Divorces would be unknown il tbere
was as much counting after marriage as
before.
There is field for a CRATE reformer
who vii prevent it from getting clog
ged with cinders.
II doctors were only as wise as they
look there wouldn't be any sickness in
the world to speak of.
"One good turn deserves another" ~ re.
marked the cook as she gave the grid
dle'cake flip over.
This is nice box to be in" as the
fellow said when he found himself lock-
ed up in the refrigerator.
One would think that reaper would
greatly dislike his work. His sickle
goes against the grain.
Quills are things that are sometimes
TAKEN from the pinions of one goose to
spread the opinions of another.
The most curious thing about false-
nOod IS that 1t can get over so much ter
rItory by simply lying around.
Ships are about the only thing we
Know OF that can travel mile after mile
On tacks aud show no sign of pain.
1t remains to ne seen whether the
latest disturbance in Afghanistan will
be revolution or Ameer insurrection.
There is no use for garden vegetables
competing for prizes at an agricul-
tural fair the cabbage will always be a
head.
When man has risen from his bed
on the 3lst day of August. ia he justified
IN sneaklng of it as the last rose Of sum
mer?
Farmer-After you get through dig
Slng, what are you going to du2 ANA
teur gnrdener-Put porous plaster on
my back,
Why is an unpaid subscription bill
like bottomless chair Chorus of
country editors: Because it needs re-
ceipting,"
A Georgia farmer made 800 off an
acre planted IN watermelons and a phy-
slcian in the neighborhood made $4,000
off the same acre.
There are more weighs than one of
making money" remarked the coal
dealer softly as he showed the pea along
the scale beam.
The affinity between the umpire and
the stock broker isn't especially remark.
able. The one calls the balls, the other
bawls the calls.
Cltizen-What are you doing with
that man? PolIceman-I've Just arrest
ed him. Citizen-But he's as deaf as a
post. Policeman-He'll get his hearing
before the magistrate.
Jones-I say, Smith, understand
that Brown is something of literary
man.
Smlth-Llterary man, yes. Why,
Brown writes for the waste baskets of
some of the leading newspapers and
magazines in the country.
The recent college graduate il stiIlun-
decided whether he shall go into Jour
nalism-with large "J,"-or devote
his talents to some other important field
of labor. Generally he decides in favor
OF the other important field Of labor,
after he has asked about fifteen or
twenty managing editors for a job.