The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1888-03-27
ME AND THE CoNDU CToR.
William Explains the Provisions of the Law
Licensing Railway Conductors.
New York World.

bill, introduced in Congress Jan. 10 of the pres
ent year. and the masses beginning TO
clamor for information to the time of its final
passage and enforcement as a law.
The bill provides for the licensing of railway
conductors, and with the idea that all the evils
of travel, from the cnoppy condition of the road
bed to the salIow color aud hopeless demeanor Of
the hard-boiled eggs along great thorough
| fares of travel, are directly due to the incom-
| potency of the conductor. aims to regulate this
matter BY striking atsthe root of the evil.
Conductors. under the provisions OF the bill.
| under the eye of chief examiner, appointed
| by the Presldenr. and who shall receive 49, 800
per year and mileage al the rate of 10 cents per
| mile, together with reasonable travelling ex-
| penses This chief examiner will delegate his
| power as examiner TO twenty supervising ex-
| aminers. retaining only the bitter anguish and
| enervating toll incident to the life of who
| looks out at the window all day and patsent-
| ly accumnlates mileage
| The supervising examiners shall receive 81, 800
| per year reasonable travelling expenses. and 10
| cents per mile by the most devious method of
| travel Railroad lines will be permitted to Dass
| chief examiner. supervising examiners etc., to
| and from their work.
The chief examiner and supervising examiners
| shall constitute a national board of examiners,
| who shall meet at Washington, D. c.. every lit
| tie while to think 1t over and then go away.
/ This national beard of examiners shall divide
our unhappy country into twenty districts, each
/ of which shall be cheered by the presence of
two district examiners and they shall be men of
good moral character, who can ask difficult ques-
| tions and be willing to work on salary. They
shall receive salary of 81 900 year, mileage,
stationery and press notices. The duties of dis
trict examiners prescribed optional, but
the salary is compulsory. Assistant district ex-
amlners may be appointed at salary of $500.
and clerks. when necessary, may be employed
/ to do the work at 81. 200 a
The chief examiner, supervising examiners.
| district examiners and assistant district exam
| iners shall be at all times guarded by cloud
OF mileage by dav aud pillar of salary by night
| Under the provisions of Section of the act
the district board of examiners shall have power
to pry into the pedlgree, personal habits. quail
1 hcations, aims, aspirations, accomplishments
| and physical condition of any. who may
make application for the portfolio of conductor
| or door-slammer extraordinary as provided
| in this act; and further, Is is provided else
| where in the bill that no conductor shall be
permitted to go through a train with
pencil in his mouth. pair of forceps IN one
hand and pad of drawback checks in the other,
acting as a conductor. treasurer, nurse,
railway folder. map and household guide, at
$50 per month. with the privilege of being killed
between meals. unless he shall have passed
thorough examination on the same track, and
received q license from the board of examiners,
and paid fee of So To said board. The bill also
provides that the sum of 500. 900 shall be appro
priated for the contingent expenses of the board
in getting to and from widely separated points,
and for wear aud tear of thinkers while engaged
in getting up deep conundrums for applicants.
The board may revoke the license of any con-
ductor at any time upon the commission of cSr-
tain acts. and he will then be arrested under
the provisions of the United States statutes if
he undertakes to run train. even though the
railroad company may desire to retain him.
This gives the conductor the chance to work for
the railway company and the United States of
America, provided ne behaves himself, and at
one salary. In other words, he buys license
for the privilege of doubling his responsibilities
without increase of pay Upon passing a
satisfactory examination the conductor
will be permitted and required to wear
a large tin badge bearing the remark Con
ductor" upon it, also the number of his license,
the number of the district in which the license
was issued, the number of his residence. his
postoffce address and any other information de-
sired by morbidly iuquisitive public. He may
also be required TO wear a muzzle during dog
days.
He will also be expected to wear the various
badges of the road for which he may be
gioyed. together with foreign decorations, state
ments. way bills and certi fcates of the presid-
ing officer setting forth whether he be out of
order or not He will be required to wear
his breast all badges referred to in this act to-
gether with such other badges as he may have
in the house. till his bosom shall resemble a
Christmas tree
fixed, but it must be prepared that it shall
cover the physical and mental condition of the
applicant, and will, no doubt, run something as
follows:
1. State your age weight, height nationality sex,
complexion where born, and who. if any besides
yourself, present at the time.
2. Do you experience ringing in the ears,
rising and reading the Congressional Record sudden
or uncontrolabe desire to bite people ON trains or
vague yearning to soar away In paycar and be for
ever at restl Do you have dandruff2
3. If give to A half my salary and half a dollar
over then afterwards meet B. to whom give half the
remainder and half dollar over after that meeting
c. to whom give half the balance and half a dollar
over, when find have nothing left but my mileage
how much mileage have !, and what are you going to
4. Which is proper, to get or off train on the
nigh off SIDE provided the train is going east and
running the time of previous traina
s. Are people who are not formally engaged under
g. What is the total railroad mileage of the United
States and what would it amount to at 10 cents
eachf
2. How many bones in the human body, and what
8. What is promontoryl
the Wilmot Proviso.
10. Why is chrysalis like Duckwheat pam
IL. OF what is the surface of the earth COM
poseda
II. Do you believe in literal hell
l3 If you were writing to Professor You ng. the
iyzer Young1 = p'0p'' = @'e-'3' --i-- 90 ana
Id. How many pores in the human body, and
why do transtive verbs govern the objective easel
Conductors who apply will probably be re-
quired to state whether they desire to take ont
q license for cahoose and freight business or
passenger trade. With the answer they will be
expected TO inclose fee, together with any
amount they feel like adding; aud, receiving
their licenses, will be required to subscribe to
an oath in substance as follows:
State of New YORK, county Of, S.:
T. A. B., having been duly sworn upon my OATH do
remark, set forth and state that years
of age that reside in the county and State afore-
said, when not transferred other division or
road; that feeling the loneliness of who is
ployed by railroad, and the isolation of who
responsible only TO the president board of directors
receiver. general superintendent, general traffic
manager, general passenger and ticket agent claim
agent, roadmaster and division superlntendent I
desire TO be thrown in contact with the United
government and to become responsible to the civil
and military authorities. order that may be duly
examined aud overhauled by Congress. also de-
pose. set forth remark state, declare and twtter
follows: That a citizen, of the United States;
that have be conductor for eleven years. having
given the best of my life and the best fingers
both hands to that industry. desire get
license for limited train No. the All Vowel
Airline road for two years unless annuled.
also do further set forth and bear down upon
the statement that viii be good faithful conduc-
tor TO the best of my ability, and that viii
badges my health will permit. provided
my bosom is wide enough. and that will never
knowingly try to jump 900-foot canyon with
heavy train after dark and that viii report prompt
lx Mashin day what is said train