The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-10-04
WIT AND HUMOR.

When it strikes its ''gate" true love
generally runs smocth.-Detrot Free
Press.
It's enough if you have a passing |
acquaintance with u railroad man
Washington Critic.
The traveller returning from abroad
is always haunted by the customs in
spectre. Bazar.
The Thomas Band is to disband, but |
the Thomas cat on the back fence we |
still have with us.-Det''oH Free Press.
s.But, my lord, she is so homely and
fat" at is her pounds, me boy, that
have attracted me; so say no more. y
Harper's Bazar.
yes she said, .'the waves in a
storm remind me of our hired girls at
home.' .Hired girls, MADAME" y es;
they are such awful breakers. Ocean.
sPm a float! I'm hoatr' sang
Mr.. Dudekins. lyon are certainly
light enough for one" reported Miss
Barkins, soto voce.-Hd1per's BdzdT-
..Bromley's not bad singer. But
what is the reason he generally selects
Shells of Ocean'?'' because he used
to be in the clam business, possibly.
Time.
Mrs. Thomaso-Ethel, it is not at all
becoming to YOU to be continually gaz-
ing out of the window. Miss Thomaso
No, mamma but it's becoming to the
house.-Iime.
Hopeful youths Miss De Cash IMP
Servant-Yis, sor. Hopeful youth
Is she engagedP Servant-Yis, sor;
but he isn't here this avenin'. Come in.
The Cartoon.
Visitor (while waiting for hostess)--
And is your mamma still in mourning
for your poor papa, Flossiee Flossie--
Yes, ma'am; she is when she goes out
anywhere.-Epoch.
Wendell Phillips once gave the adj
vice. ..Never call man a liar" We
never do. 1t is much more polite and
Just as true to call him gas meter
Shoe and Leather Reporter.
Physician completing examination)
My diagnosis causes me great unea-
siness, sir 1t is extremely Selfish
patient Gnterrupting)-O. confound
your diagnosis! How is my liverp-
Time.
Says a novelist of today, describing
an interview between lovers: BE
tween them there passed an ecstatie
kiss" And neither of them got It'll
Aw, what muffs they must have been.
-Burdette.
First lady-Have you any hired help
nowP Second lady-WeiI. hall aud
half, say. First lady-I don't under
stand, quite. Second lady-Why, you
see,it is hired but it is no help.-Wash-
ington Critic.
Teacher-"Try to remember this:
Milton the poet was blind. Do you
think you can remember itP" ''Yes,
ma'am." Nov, what was Milton's
great misfortune?" He was poet.
Lincoln Journal.
Mr.. Hightone-Really my dear,
wish you wouldn't expose yourself sc
much at the party tonight. Mrs. High
tone-No, love, l shan't. l am going
TO wear gloves up to the elbows.-BnT
liagton Free Press.
Brown Gan editor)-They say hall
the reading done by the public is o.
fiction. How dreadful! Jones {,
novelist)-Frightful! l did not sup
pose,the newspapers were perused 81
extensively
Prosecuting Attorney Selecting I
jury)-Isn't the prisoner 8 relative o
yoursP Juror-No, sir; he is a relative
of my wife. Prosecuting Attorney
Your Honor. the prosecution accepts
this gentleman.-NeOY York Sun.
Husband-s.I've some bad news, m,
dear; that old bachelor brother of min,
has failed-lost his entire fortune.
Wife-.O, John, how dreadful! ant
lust as we had named the baby afte
him. Poor little fellow. Harper
Bazdr.
Free-lunch expert Ito bartender)-
Them chcumbers amt as fresh as the.
might be, Mr.. Barkeeper. Bartende
They were fresh enough when yo
began on the lunch, but how long d
you expect cucHmbers to remain fresh
-NeaO York Sam.
Bertha-O, Reggy, dear, look at tn
love OF bonnet. 1t is the most e.
Quisite one l ever had. / hope yo
won't think me mad when tell you
cost $50, Reggy-Think you mat
Well, guess not. I'm the one that
mad, with a capital M.-Harper
BGzGr.
Employe-Square & Co. of Peori
write that mistake of 500 was mad
in the footing of their last bill, an
they inclose check for the amour
Employer-All right, send a receip
but we must look out for that fir
hereafter. They're too honest. :
Epoch.
Father has such happy dispos
ton, Mr.. Sampson" she said, as tn
front gate slammed and the old ma
came up the walk. .Do you hear hi1
whistling?" YES" responded Nj
Sampson, nervously, 'and the chance
are that he will arouse the dog. ."-Nel
Fork San.
A thief in Vermont stole couple c
hens from farmer and dropped gol
watch while stealing them. The fal
mer wishes us to state that the late
string of the hen house still hangs ou
and he will be pleased to receive simil
lar calls and no questions asked
Detroit Free Press.
A society item saws that pet dogs ar
now clad in mantles with pockets fo
holding Jumps of sugar, bracelets O
their paws, and a string of little silve
bells around the neck. Thousands Q
neglected children missed a might
good thing by not being born pet dogs
-Norristoton Herald
Mrs. Slimdiet clearinghouse keep
er)-"My gracious! Bridget, the pape
says lots of nervous systems is bein
wrecked by strong coffee" Bridget
Yes, mum; but" Il don't wan
sny ones blood on my head. Chucl
another gallon o. water into that pot
philadelphia Record
Anxious mother (appealingly) :
Alec, please do not put your foot ou
that way. You might get hurt John
ny (positively)-Alec, take your foo
in. DO,y you want mamma to have t,
buy a coffin and funeral, when yo,
know she wants new refrigerator S,
badlyP-HaTper's BGzGr.
'sHaye you the courage to do you
duty in all cases?" said railroad su
perintendent to an applicant for con
ductor's place, as he looked sharply a
him. ''You bet have" was the val