The Bottineau pioneer. (Bottineau, N.D.) 1885-1895, 1888-08-23
THE CHAMPION ECONOMIST:


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The widow Praetissd His ret virtue ana %
Caught Hin.
"A traveller in Kentucky who had
stopped and begun Q conversation
with q squint-eyed old fellow who
was cutting briars and sassafras
sprouts out ofthe fence corners point
edto q housesome distance wayand
asked:
Who lives over there"
4The Wilder Bradley" the farmer
replied, FAN / do reckon that she's o
little the peartest woman in the neigh
borhood. She fust married Pete
Bradshaw. Pete he died, and the
Widder was putty much grief struck.
She had q little money, and she hired
a stone cutter to chisel out q monu-
ment for Pete, agreein' to furnish the
rock herself. The cutter went to
work, but as he want in a very big
hurry, the widder she tuck a likin' to
q fellar named Sandy Smith an
married him. Then she told the cut
ter to jest chip along at his lezur' an
he done 70. 1t want long after this
till Sandy got a leetle full, fell
often the foot long into the
bayou and was drowned. The
wilder had him dug out and
buried beside Pete an then went to
the cutter an told him to put one
more name on the monument. She
moped around fur some little time
an didn't pear to enjoy her vidults
very much but arter vile thar come
along a Teller named Nose Bradley.
Nose he made q dead set3at the wild
der, an she tuck him, she did. About
q month arter this Nose he run afoul
Nv a pizen sort NV irresponsible fell
Ter an was laid out. The widder was
NIGHTLY crushed, bein' NV a powerful
tender natur' but urged on by her
strong business instincts she got on
asmule, rode over to the s~tonecutter's
house an calling the feller out to the
fence axed him ef that ar monument
was done.
"'Not quite the feller lowed, ez
he brushed some limestone dust outen
his whiskers.
WALL says she, have you got
room on the readin' side NV it fur er
nuther Manner 3.
" I reckin I ken 'comerdate you,
madam, said he.
~" Wall, then,'' she lowed, Jest put
Nose Bradley on thar in ez good
shape ez you KEN
"He done it, an the wilder she put
up the monument over all three of
the fellers an had these here words
cut on one side: "Here lies the
bodies NV my three tender an loyin'
husbands Now, sir" the farmer
added, as he struck at a lizard with
his briar-hook, do you know whut
sort Nv a break I'm goin' to make?'''
Cant say that | do" the traveller
replied.
'I1l tell you. I'm goin' to marry
that wilder"
ttShe must be very attractive"
enc, she amt, nuther." .ass
"No."
'Then why do you wish to marry
herr"
son account Of her political econ
omy. You see, her husbands wuz
mixed up more or less in politics, an
a woman that makes one monument
do fur three politicians is the female
critter that I'm after. ! reckon I
love economy better'n any man in
the world. Some folks likes music,
an some air fond Nv barbecued shoat;
some ike liker, an some like a good
boss, but jest give me economy, eff
you please. EfId get all the econ
omy / WantedI would have been
Wuth suthin' to-day. I married the
most 'stravagant woman Ieyerseen.
Do you know what the woman
would do? I've know'd her to buy
five yards ana hat NV calico to
make.a dress outen, when she oughter
knoWu that five yards was enough.
An eatl wy / have knoW'd her to set
at the table an eat flu fifteen minutes
at a stretch. Yes, an she got so
tony toward the last thatshe wanted
sugar. in her coffee. / argued with
her, + did; I told her that ten minutes
after she drank the coffee it wouldn't
make no difference whether it had
been sWeetened or not, but sheWould
have her way. She broke me up,
that's what she done. WALL" he
added, as he reached out with his
briar hook and turned over a toad,
sI'm goin' to marry that wilder, an
ct she dies on my hands I'll bury her
ez clost to that monument ez I kin
an git that stoecutter:to gouge out
another name. "-Arkansaw Traveller.