Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1888-12-21

| Unwilling ~ SGuu1e1l1Gll VI SFuVu, WnO mas
consented OF great expense to cancel
his dates with the Great Congress OF
Wonders, now exhibiting among our
people, and to come here for two
weeks engagement as a defer of Israel
at two hundred dollars for each ard
every defiance and his expenses, includ-
ing press notices L take pleasure in
introducing Plineas Z. Goliath of
Gath, who will now address you.'
! Goliath, who is man considerably
above the medium height, and dressed
in forced sale OF hardware, tinware,
and notions, came forward, and, spit
ting on his hands in order the better to
clutch his cast-iron stab knife, re-
marked: Gentlemen OF Israel, I have
the honor to state that L represent the
army of the Philistines, who desired
me to act as arbitrator in this here
matter with nybody you want to select
from your place. I hope to please one
and all in the future as I have in the
past, and to state that do not care to
brag or boast, but that have never
been fairly knocked out. I've quit rum
now, and propose to hold myself ready
to please one and all. I can safely say
that the stories about my being any
thing but a gentleman is dead wrong,
and if any gentleman of Israel wants
Nme to do him up and will just
put up his dukes to protect his
movement, I'll show Saul and his
home guards the best job Of smuggling
they ever seen, and will also fight ct
thirty yards rise. Bring out one of
your representative men, and I will
send him home with circumfex over
each eye. Trot out a rising young man
and see how soon he is not thus. I am
q Philistine, and have voted that ticket
ever since 1 quit wearing pants that
faced both ways. 1 am not prejudiced
again your people, but if you want to
see a short, thick-set scrap, with soul
into it, send out your successful man.
Sect
He then stood on his hands for a
moment and then turning a back
somerset with his heavy iron under
clothes and zinc overcoat on, cracked
his heels Zig htly together, and putting
a buffalo chip on his shoulder walked
up and down in front of the grand
stand.
cat this time small ranchman from
Bethlehem-Judah crawled through o
hole in the fence and asked Saul what
he would do for anybody who would
put a nose on the uncircumcised side
show giant with the tin overcoat. The
King stated that he would make him
rich and give him his daughter to wife
and a span of horses with sawed off
tails md position in the custom
house, and the young man from
Bethlehem-Judah said that would be
satisfactory. But Saul said, Young
man, you will get injured, for you are
a mere younster, and SO saying put a
coal-scuttle on the head OF David
and armed him with piece Of
gas-pipe, but David said he would not
choose any of them, and so he
selected few moss agates from
the branch and his shepherds sling,
with which he had heretofore slang,
and when he got to where he could see
the white Of the eye of the gentleman
from Gath, he smote him with smooth
stone over the eye, and it sank into
Goliath's think tank and some of his
thoughts ran out on the grass and he
died. And David went UP to him and
cut off Goliath's head. Being recalled
by the audience he cut off other frag-
y ments of the giant, and then went
away. 1t was a great success in every
way, and after killing most of the
\ Philistines the Israelites returned to
!! their places of business and began
marking down goods, feeling that il
was really as good little outdoor
entertainment as they had ever wit
messed"
do not say that this is the best way
to write up the above incident, but il
gives an idea of how each student may
express himself in his own way, using
the facts as they already exist.
Bill NYE.