davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16
TWO CHINA STORIES.

Arthur McEwcn, a brilliant news paper man of San Francisco, once tool It into his head to teach class of Chi nese boys tho English we use. Thcs, boys were sons and nephews of i'm. mensely rich silk and tea merchants and among them was one who was dc. cidcdly unrnly. McEwen went to tn, boys uncle and undertook to explain in "pigeon- English" the trouble he was having with the lad. Said he "Your nephee, he no llkee studee. Ils belly badec boyee. l know notec whatee l do with he."
 The old Chinamap, who spoke a. good English as McEwen could, some- what astonished tho journalist by gay. ing:
 "Why don't you take good big birch and give tho young scamp | thorough dressing with that2 Try ii q few times, and gneaa he'll come out all right"
 Mac acted on the suggestion, and succeeded in Christianizing the young heather quite rapidly.
 Ofa piece Is the story about Den- his Kearney and Chinese merchant Such men as the sand. lot agitator never think of Chinese other than as coolies. They don't know that high- caste Chinamen are frequently polished and accomplished gentlemen, and the idea of ftheir speaking respectable Eng fish never suggests itself. On one oc- casion the famous leader of the San Francisco sans culottes approached sn old Chinese gentleman, who spoke better English than Kearncy will ever learn, and who, moreover, dressed in Glns and fine linen and jared sumptu. ousiy every day. It was at the time when Kearney was making his crusade against the Chinese, and with the shib- boleth, "The Chinese must go" said to the old snan: "Phwat arc ye dom'd haythen going to do phwin we drive yez opt of the eounthry7"
 "I suppose" the old man replied, "that we'll so to Ireland. That ssema to be about the only place where these Irish don't run things"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16
ONE WAY TO TELL.

"Ef gentleman say: Come hyar, you black scamp, en' black mer boots, en' do hit quick, too,' I knows dai mans rum down souf, en' he gwine to gimme sompeD, en' mos likely . quartah."
 Thus darkey boy on Mississippi steamboat was explaining his petition as to sectional proclivities. He went on further to say: "Ef anuther gen. tleman say to me, My dear young cullud frien', will you be % kline ez to black my boetap dat mans from Greenlan's icy mountains, CT sommers in dat direction. En' mebbe he gwine ter gimme John de Baptis'-dat's one cent-but mos likely he gwincter jis' give thanks."
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16

arc orchard robbers, but l sce a tree yonder quite Mll of apples. You don't attempt to steal any Of them, ,.c youf"
 "No, sAh."
 "But you did steal apples from that tree before you became a Sunday school scholar, didn't your'
 "Yas, sah, dat's CT fAok."
 "But why do you not take them now if you took them thcnG"
 "kase, sah, dat ar puppy dat he had den Is CT gr'et big dog now, an he tore all de britchcs often Unk John's boy yisteriay. DoAn want him to tar my briches, lemmc tell you. I doan pick cotton an git britches ter hab 'em torc by or blame dAwg."
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16
SOMETHING OF A KICK.

"I tell you it's serious thing" said an Alabama ex-congressman to this writer one evening not long ago, "when one's only daughter begins to be a woman. Young fellows whom you don't remember ever to have seen before, lift their hats to you clean across the street, and the intense po- liteness of dudes becomes almost un- bearable.
 "I have bright, smart little girl who seems to me little girl yet, but V hen I come to think about it know she's seventeen years old, and one of these days some boy will be coming around, stammering and twisting his hat and asking me for her. l think, however, Pll get shotgun and shoot him on plea of self-defense. There ought to be some law to protect 8 man against the young scamps who want to carry off mans only daugh- ter.
 "Why, it doesn't seem to me longer than yesterday that my little girl was learning A B c, and then when she got to reading could hardly believe it, but fancied she had learned a lot of that stuff, in her little readers, by heart and was recitiDg it to me by rote. Next I knew she took to painting and playin the piano, and blast me If she hasn't gone to writing poetry, too. This last is the only thing that sup ports me in the idea of letting one of those youngsters have her when the time comes. Somehow it seems to me that perhaps retributive justice will leak out of the poetry somewhere.
 "But, really, 'tis an awful serious thing to raise girl, bring her through the humps, measles, whooping- cough, educate her, send her to the best kind of boarding school, have her taught music and drawing, spend money like dirt to dress her and then have some little scamp that you remember, only just few days ago, robbing birds'- nests, come around and take her away. It's too d-n bad"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16
A MATTER or POLICY.

Mr. Gross, the famous animal painter, ssys thst when hs was s hoy he once witnessed light between two dogs, one of which belonged to an Irishman who was 6 retired prize fighter. The Irishman's dog was badly whipped and the fact was . source of deep chagrin to tho owner. He was very jealous of his dogs record, but as oniy hs and Cross had sssn the light, he asked Croas, in . decidedly signiH. cant way, which of the dogs whipped.
 "Why," Aid cross, "your dog whipped, Of course. He was under nesth the other dog, but hewas chew ipg the lie out of the cur aii the tfme.S
 SThat's roight,S returned the Irish- man, "you have ssved your life"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16
A TRUTHFUL EpirApH.

Mrs. Richard Harris, living near Topeka, Kan, has furnished practical material fer 4he rsehlhllinn eAnse more elective than anything given by St. John in his campaigns for that party. Her husband departed from life through too constant indulgence in alcoholic drinks, and his iast mo- mepfs were surrounded with the non- strous visions of naaia pof&.
 Mrs. Harris buried his remains and erected over thsm . simpis shaft of granite. Around the bAss of this col. umn was carved the forms of coiIipg, twisting rnaas Of snakes. The column contained an inscription, devoid of Latin phrase and unaccompanisd by lines of obituary poetry. It merely recorded the name and age of deceased, together with this sentence: spied of Delfyti1m Tycmens."
 The monument stands as perpetual temperance monitor, more powerful by far than tho piled up words of pamphlets and human speech.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16

yar's kar'n things wid 6 high ham I'll hiah lawyah en' sec ef a pol nig- gah's gwineter be posed on dis var way. Yes, sah, Pse comin'. You needen' be so monstous brash. Elf dar's law in de country rse gwineter have it, am heap of 1t too. Come pullin' a man off to de 'boose jis' kasc CT lot CT fool chickins wants to wa'm dar toes at his espense. I spec some CT desc var days culled people be rested in dis fercinity jis fer shoutin' to de Lam'."
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16
A PROMPT CUSTOMER.

"i owe you thirty five cents for is.sgs:!;s sc. the other day." said man, addressing the proprietor ofa Chicago book storc. "Hcre's your money, sir"
 "You don't owe me anything" tho proprietor replied.
 "Yes, gota magazine hero on credit the other day"
 "No, you didn't"
 "Hat-"
 "Go on. understand you"
 "I don't understand him. said E by -stahder. "WhAt does hc mcAn9"
 Ut is pretty sharp trick that ia sometimes worked In this town. Some time ago a man eame In and told me that he owed mo twenty Ave cents for some newspapers. did not remember him. but thinking that he might have gotten the papers from one of my clerks, took tho money, Several days afterward he came In, placed quarter on the show ease, and saying, more papers, walked out. This time did not think anything of it. Two or three days later he came In, and Aid
 "'Good morning
 "'Good morning. replied.
 "'Beautiful weather for the time oi year.
 "Yes, very.'
 "r got papor. covered novel here the other day. Twenty canta, be- lievc. Sometimes forget to put money in my pocket, but 1 never for- get that 1 want to read. Wc had quite lively time on tho board of trade this morning Well, good morning. He dropped in once or twice moro, and 1 found him to bc quite q ,aiker. One day he came in, and after looking over an Illustrated history of the Holy Land, asked the price. Twelve dollars 1 replied. Would you mind sending it out on Michigan avenue2'
 "What Is your name, plcascf'
 "W'y, 1 thought you knew. Been customer here for quite a while. !. ". McFoycr, No. 36 ---. By the way, I am going put now and can take 1t along. Be in pretty soon;' and he marched of with the history. ie had been such good customer--ha had been so prompt in paying his lit- tie debts that 1 thought he was ali right, but have never seen him since. 1 learned that he beat s number of other book sellers. That fellow who came in just now has heard of the trick. It is hardly necessary for me to say that do not want his custom"
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16
sELF-EvIDENT.

Two Irishmen in St. Louis were talking together one day about their travels, and of the distinguished peo- pie they had met. One of them asked the other, "Ware you iver in Noo Ar lns, Pat?"
 "I ware,S replied Pat.
 "Do you ncicd big Moike on the livee dthere?"
 "Oi do nat"
 "Ye're a dom'd liar, ye niver was in Moo Arlins.D
 That seemed to settle it.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16
IN SEARCH OF A FRIEND.

Bill Wells, of Bath county, ken- lucky, belonged to family of long talking people, all good natured and honest and all 90 full Of humor that had they been blessed with sufficient education to write would ha c &C., quired greater fame than any of tour genial humorists" in the linc of ncws- paper .tacetio.
 Bill, seeing one day an unusually green looking specimen of humanity, remarked that If he owned that fellow he would put horns on him and turn him out In the pasture. Speaking of another man who was particularly known as being penurious he said, when there was talk of building a monument to the wealthy miser, that if he was planted with grain of corn in his ear he'd have monument in the spring which would be as lasting a monument as he deserved.
 Bill was peculiarly ion of taking off the foibles and peculiarities of the we'll known people about the neigh borhood. Among these was William Allen, wealthy man who was very illitemte, and whose peculiarity was a disposition to whittle. Another was one Lowery, who was picker-up of unconsidercd trifes, petty larceny thief, who was continually stealing chickens, eSggs, etc, and who was al- ways prAting of honesty.
 Bill Wells remarked one day that he had just come through Josh Ewing's big cornfeld in very rich bottom. Said he: "That corn is 70 heavy and tall that you kin sec light ming bugs In It In the daytime. People gifts lost in it an dies. found thar, this mawnin', Bill Allen. He had whittled up two sto' boxes and was tryin' to fgger out plan for cheatin' Charles Goodpaster, outen yoke CT steers. Lowery wuz layin' thar dead, too. He had on his arm that little baskit that he alters carries, with a couple CT dozen aigs to sell an' pair of ox-bows, an the last words that Lowery said was; God knows Pm an 'ones' man."
 One time Bill went down to Cincin- nsei on a raft of sawlogs, during a freshet in Licking river, and he said he tried to find Sam Whitlow, who had been living there for several years, having gone from Bilrs neighborhood. He said he asked everybody he met if he knew where Sam lived, but they all turned up their noaes and went on just as if he wasn't talking to them. Said he: T tuck notice, howsomever, that nearly all these fellers smoked see- gsrs, 70 went into place and bought some. This wuz befo' the waugh, en seegars wuz monst'ous cheap. I bought ten cents wuth, an they filled my pockets en hat, am l lef . big pile on um layin' on the counter. Alter that, when I axed um whar Sam lived, l offered um . seegar, but they turned up thar noses more'n ever. Finally, bought jug CT whisky en went to talk to some fellers ct wuz s-w0fsiI' in ditch in the street, an axed um to drink with me, which they did, an they drunk up all the whiaky in the jug They seemed to be monst'ous willin' to tell me all about Sam, bat alter they had drunk the whisky en tried to talk, I found out they wuz these yer Eyetalians, en oouldn' ssy . word CT United States. But I reckon ef coulder onderstood um they'd CT tole me sll about Sam, but I ain't never heard . drstted word of Sam Whfffrrw firm 4ha4 Aav << @hfs
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16
HIS REASON.

Preacher (to negro boy)-"Do you go to Sunday -school?"
 Boy-"Yas, sah."
 How long have you been going?" ''Bout CT yesh.n
 Don't you think you are q better boy than you were last year?" "Oh, yas, sah."
 "I have heard that all negro boys
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16
srzINo HrM UP.

"How much is my biii7" said . west ern man to . clerk of the Hoffman house In New York. The guest had been in the house two days
 HFifty doIlass," WIS the reply.
 "Gusss sg'in, you d--d hog" r turned the wsstsrDer, Eve got moro money than that.D
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16

Customer (to Nr. Iaaacstsin) 1.-The coat is about three sizes too big.n
 Ar. Isaaestsfn (mpressively)-- "Nfne frsnt, dot coat mako , ou o proud you will grow into it.s-Lffe.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16

The only thing that will cure the base ball fever is to raise the price ot admission to the grounds.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16

AS serious as all the politics may be to the frogs, it's fun for the boys-the newspaper boys.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16

"They shot tie." If the tie was on some mans neck, how did that man like it2
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16
LIM NINGS.

Hang out your bandannas on the outer walls.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16

Walt Whitman is seventy years old md ought to know better.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16

The Graphic proposes to give the meat of the presidential conventions. It will be sausage-meat "chawed" over as if is.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16

Thoughts of children, and especially those who are under the blight of physical misfortune, are often refiec- tions from heaven.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16

"I cannot sing the old songs," said Charles Eugene Banks. Whereupon thorc was uproarious applause for the space of long time.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16

A. Miner Griswold has been on Teras SJtings long enough to be a major-come to think of it, however, Griswold is too short to have been long anywhere.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16

Has anybody seen anything of lit- tie, old, baldheaded, sawed-of' man with one eye cut crossways of the leather, who answers to the name of Ben Butler?
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16

A blind boy was once asked the meaning of forgiveness. After think ing few moments he replied: ''It is the order which the trampled flower gives out to bless the foot that crushes if
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16

"After Blaine, who?" says an ex- chage. We'll, if he's nominated and elected, nearly everybody will be after him. But as neither proposition is probable, there is nobody after him now except Ed Cowen.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-16

The prohibitionists have a candi-
 date for president. He is man who wants to have his name filed away so that it won't get lost if anybody should ever desire to know what it is. We haven't had time to look it up yet.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1888-05-10

In belonging to the Irish National League
afe guilty OF sin and therefore debarred
from absolution. The congregation, the
Pope presiding, replied in tho affirmative;
and dccreed to that effect. Cardinal Sim.
eoni, by the Pope'b orders. forwarded the
decree with instructions to Mgr. Persico
and the Irish epiecopacy to order the
clergy to refuse absolution to any one de-
Ginning to renounce his membership in the
league.
A paragraph appeared In most ii the
London papers which suggests tho spfeads
ing Of another war cloud 6ver, the CONT:
nent at no very distant date: ''Dutins
the past few days. this paragraph says;
'the government haa received news from
abroad which has caused the premier
grave anxiety. The Duke al Rutland, Who
has just. returned from Berlin, Is 81 the
opinion that the storm may break at any
moment, as it is feared that Russia is
contemplating an almost Immediate move
against Bulgaria, with the ulterior object
OF erupting Constantinoplc.; There: il cer:
tainly something very significant in this
view, taken in connection with the
agrarian troubles in the Balkan states,
which are known to have been iomented
by Russia"
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1888-05-10
Nuggets Of Foreign News.

The jury in the case OF the Salvation
Army, indicted at Quebec as q public nui.
sance, has returned a verdict OF guilty.
Queen Victoria is said to have been 80
liberal during her recent trip abroad as to
excite much comment among those around
her.
Sir Charles Upper OF the Canadian Do
minion will ask parliament for authority
to borrow $25, 600. OO2 to pay the floating
debt OF the dominion and carry on the
public works.
A meeting composed of Irishmen and
Enslishmen, held at Allershot, England,
condemned the pope's decree and resolved
to found a branch OF the home rule organ
ization and to cease contributing to Pet.
er's pence.
The London and Liverpool branches OF
the National League havo passed rexolu-
tons expressing confidence in Mr.. Parnell,
and declaring that they will pay no at.
tention to the rescript OF the Pope.
Later advices concerning the attack by
natives on the expedition OF the German
explorers, Kund and Tappenbeck, in the
interior OF the Cameron's country, show
and seven members OF the expedition were
killed and 30 wounded. The explorers
lost all their journals and collections.
The Interview at Berlin between Mr..
Carl Schurz and Prince Bismarck lasted
Sd hours. The meeting was of the
most cordial character. The converse.
ton covered II wide field. and questions AT.
fecting the whole world were touched up.
on. Hook and cigars were served after.
wards, and the chancellor accompanied
MIR. Schurz in a walk in the park.
1t is stated concerning tho alleged eaict
OF the Pope against the Irish plan OF cam
paign and other prevalent methods in Ire.
land. that tho congregation OF tho propa.
Randa was charged to examine Mgr. Persi.
co.'s reports end decide whether Catholics,
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1888-05-10
The Difference,
Nebraska State journal.

Nebr aska State journal.
A newspaper man who GRIM, out
several columns OF drivelings every
day in the year and many years ii:
the decade was conversing fuently
and intelligently with a minister of
the gospel the other day. The good
man breaches to q cultivated audience
in small Nebraska town every Sun
day and the newspaper man accused
him OF having a soft snap.
Zone Of your sermons" remarked
the man who moulds public opinion,
wouldn't make over two columns in
a newspaper. 1t is cold, disagreea~
BILE day when the average writer
doesn't do that much and you have 4
week in which to achieveit." ''True,"
observed the pastor, smiling through
his tears, "but you have all the world
to draw from. You have all seasons
and all countries for your own, 1
must write and preach on the same
theme week after week and year after
year, until this poor, lispering. stam-
mering tongue lies silent in the grave.
You try to write q two column ar.
ticle on any one subject every week
for several years, or select text and
write a sermon for me. Then you
will think that a turtle has much
greater snap than clergyman"
The good man was probably correct.
An effort on the part OF the newspaper
man to write a sermon proved to be
such a dismal failure that the author
OF it has been gloomy and mo1ose
ever since.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1888-05-10
Il .gs as Food.

No honest appetite ever rejected sn
egg in some guise. It is nu:riment in
the most portable form and in the
most concentrated shape. Whole ma
lions Of mankind rarely touch any
other animal food, Kin Is eat them
plain as readily as do the humble
tradesman. After the tattle of Muhl-
dorf, when Kaiser Ludwig sat at a
meal with his burggrafs and great
captains he determined on piece of
luxury-'one egg to every man and
two to the excellently valiant Schwep-
perman." Far more than tish-for it
is a watery diet-eggs are the schol-
ar's fare. They contain phosphorus
which is brain food, and sulphur,
which performs variety of functions
in the economy. And they are the
best nutriment for children, for in a
compact form they contain everything
that Is necessary to the growth Of the
youthful frame.-Eastern Farmer.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1888-05-10
LIGHT on lucerne.

Twas told at Greedy and elsewhere
in Colorado, that while green lucerne
(alfalfa) was not fit food for horses
doing hard and fast work. because it
kept the bowels too loose latter the
manner OF timothy cut and cured at
or before the blossoming period), for
other horses doing slow work, and
for farm teams, there was no OBJ.
lection to it. After a trial of several
months the street.car companies OF
Denver, the superintendent said, re-
jected alfalfa hay for the reason
stated; but when a horse was turned
out for recuperation and rest. his
rations were green and dry alfalfa.
In Continental Europe, especially III
the Southern portions where the main
dependence for late GUNNER green
forage is alfalfa, the authorities say it
is less liable to cause bloat than
common red clover. 1t is easy to
understand how in Colorado and
Utah, where the ranch ranges do not
bear grass enough, if mown to yield
200 pounds Of hay per acre, and
where cattle have to be on the pasture
and feeding from sun up to sun down
and then lie down on half filled
stomachs, how the half starved
creatures when turned upon q field of
alfalfa would eat so fast and so mitch
as to produce fatal bloating.
But where cattle las in the best
pastures OF 1llinois) in timothy, blue
grass and clover up to their knees,
spend one hours feeding and saunter-
ing, to six hours of the day lying
down and Illuminating. there would be
no more danger in a rank growth OF
alfalfa than if it were clover, and
none in either case. The cattle would
be too full OF green forage to eat
enough to hurt them. AS green
forage or hay, alfalfa IS inferior to
timothy, and the clovers white and
red and far Inferior to blue grass for
pasture, and where the grasses and
clovers named are certain to be
abundant, the reis little call for alfalfa;
but IN these vast sections of the West,
subject to annual drouth, and other
sections East liable to periodic visit
atoms OF the same character, the
value OF alfalfa as a forage crop can
not be overestimated. All of the soils
east or west OF the mountains, where
irrigation makes the crops, are good
soils and rich compared with Eastern
soils, and they will, therefore, yield
large crops OF alfalfa. but in the
Valley OF the Mississippi and further
East, where the annual rainfall makes
the crops, only such soils rs in wet or
dry seasono produce good crops Of
wheat, oats. corn and red clover will
grow it successfully, and on such soils
the crop will be all the more luxuriant
if the land be biennially treated to a
liberal dose of the potash and
phosphate Additionally. +. Johnson.
The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1888-05-10
The Record OF Casualties.

California has again been shaken with an
earthquake. The vibrations were from
east to west. Plastered buildings cracked
at Stockton and elsewhere.
kilograms from the northern cities Of
banks, ipnndated the he bSttons And Utmost most
sSanped towns, causing 4 great deal OF
damage to property and All immense
amount of good to crop1.
A storm Of wind struck the little village
OF Lacona; Warren county, iowa. demol-
isling a two-story building used as q store
and burying in the ruins farmer named
Leonard Wilson. He was dead when taken
from the debris: Two boys who wero in
the store just before it fel, are missing.
Two other men are slightly injured. Sew.
eral buildings were unroofed.