The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1888-01-20
PEIRoLruM " Massey.

PETROLEUM W NAS5Y.
He squelchs. Mugwu,nps and Tells How
10 Reduce the surplus.
tTOledo Blade.1
We hev o bein I'm the Cross Roads, wch
his name It Is Gogsby, witch is our only Mug
wump, thank Heaven Gogsby is wun nv
them men witch wus born with bile under
the sect OF Their trowsis, wich cold world is
constantly runnin aginst, maxim nv EN- er
oneesy perpetOoally. ez candidate jist
afore eleckshun lie wu: q Republican,
witch Is to say he voted for the hirelin Lin
kin, in 1860, becoz of corrupshen in the
Democratic party, and hez bin vOtn the
Democratic tikkit half the time sence, to
poorly the Republican party. He Is wun nv
them Reformers witch blong to wun party
and alIuz votes with the other. He leaves
his party to purify it. witch sich fellers aliuz
do jist to the extent NV their gittin out
/ knowed he wood vote for Cleveland,
and knowed that Their wood be no peece
till he got offs
Gogsby he'd heerd that I wuz to be allowd
Deputy, and he lost no time in putin
in applicashen for the posishen. He sOt up
a elaine that he he'd bin Nv material assist
ancc in the eleckshun NV Cleveland, and
under the Civil servis Roofs he wuz entitled
to the place. Il mite" sed he. "hev lade
clame to the Postoffis itself with perfeck
propriety, but recognized yOor soOperiOr
clames to the place. and am content with n
subordinit pos.shen. You hev the applet
am entitled, at leest to the core"
answered Gogsby by relatin q anecdote
I wunst saw two boys strugglin over a
apple witch he'd escaped from q farmers
wagon. The biggest boy thrust the littlest
aside, and capchered the prize. when the
little wun whined, "WeIl. Jim, you hev the
apple-at leest yoo'l give me the core"
''Samyooel," sed the big boy, driven a
magnificent set NV teeth strate thro the
center Nv the frOOt, II don't think tier amt
ayoin to be any core"
'Ef am permitted the sweet boon Nv a
Deputy, see no recon why I shoodent
put name on the salery list, and dror that
salery myself The surplus wood be re-
dOosed that way es fast es any other,
woodent it."
Mr.. Gogsby will not git the Deppityship.
eff l know myself, any more than the mug
wumps git SIGH things in the east Eech
midwife mugwump kerried wat wuz under
his own hat, and we amt payin for SIGH
site scrvisea Ruther give us Barney NJ
Ginnis with his gin mills in the lower wards
He actilly controls votes, and is entitled to
otfishl Doodle
Besides all this, our threats hez bin 80
stretched by the long years NV expectancy.
that ruther think the apples witch we hev
picked up will slide down. cores and all,
without the cores helm noticed or espeshly
distinguished I know mine wood eff my
apple WIZ all core
=
Speekin nv the surplus in the Trezury
witch is worryin the minds NV statesmen
list now I see no Okkashun for any woory
at all Go on and fix up the tariff ez 700
want it, without reference to surplus A
surplus is wat l want to tackle. Inever
tackled a surplus in my life. Ez q rool the
Dimocratic municipalities into witch hev
lived ginerally enjoyed concave treashur-
les. Deficiencies l hev encountered a
plenty, but never a surplus.
Now wat do We want to do? Cleerly a
surplus isn't Dmekratic, and must be got
rid nv. It's eezy enuff.
Raise the salaries NV all post offises. and
NV all Oftishls NV every class Increase the
number NV deputies, and don't be too per-
tikeler in auditin akkOunts
Jnoggerate system NV improvements in
the impoverished South, wher the Dime
erik, and fence it in SO that cattle may not
impede navigashen by drinkin the water
he'd in reserve. Dot the South with Custom
Houses and Post Offises. and see that only
Dimocrats NV good standing git contrax.
Pay off Southern clames for war dam
ages. and likewise penshun Suthern soljers
the same as Northern, alluz datin penshuns
back to the date NV vOlunteerin or bein
drafted
Their are other ways nv reduckshen, but
this is my lice in gineral
I am entirely satisfied that eff the kentry
will keep us in power four yeers more ther
will be no okkasiOn fur komment as 10 any
surplus 1t will melt gradually, nay, rap
idly. wonder that there is a dollar in the
treshry now, but it must be remembered
that we hewitt got controle NV the Sennit
yit
Can't we be trusted with surplus? Wuz
there any surplus in the TREASURY in 1861,
when We turned over the kentry to Linlin.
Redoosin surplus comes materially to Us
It's our best holt
Bascom remarked that he keered nuthin
for the return NV the Southern flags, ez that
wuz a peece NV sentiment; bus to increase
my salery, witch he got anyhow, wuz su:hin
practicle He WIZ in favor Nv that way NV
redoosin the surplus
l don't think Their is any occasion fur
worryin about it just now.
PETROLEUM Y. Massey,
(Which is Postmaster and likewise Surplus
RedOOseE)