The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1888-10-20
FUNNY ONES.

WHENa Cincinnati husband was asked
in court if he dragged his vile out of
bed by the hair, he said he couldn't
re lily remember, as that was very
busy morning with im.-Detr0d Free
Press.
CUSTOMER Ito grocer)-I want TO get a
pound of old cheese. Grocer-All
right, sir. III send it around in five
minutes. CustOmer-All right, and let
it bring couple of crackers with it,
NeD York SIN.
"WHEN your husband comes home
drunk said the magistrate, 'is he
ugly ?" "No, sorr, he's plisant." Then
why don you try to smooth matters
over ," "Oi did, sorr; Oh hit him wild a
smoothin' n."-LJe.
Times in bad shape-Citizen Ito Farm
er Hayseed) -How's things up on the
farm, Mr.. Hayseed? Farmer Hayseed
-Dinged bad. My wife is down sick an
two Of my bosses has got heayes. Pm
lookin' fer good boss doctor.
"WHY did you invite the landlord and
the doctor here, Edward 2" 'To pacify
them. You know we owe them both. "
well they have accepted your invita-
ton. Both are here and both have
brought their bills with them"
Mrs. JAsoN-Mr. Jason, you were
drinking last night. Don't try to deny
it. Mr.. jason Yep. well, | should
think you'd want to go somewhere and
hide your diminished head" at
hasn't begun to diminish yet."-Terre
HdHe G0.ctC.
JONES was calling on his dentist. $50
you are troubled with toothache p" in
quired the artist in worries. Fright
fully" ''Ah does 1t come on frequent
~ >" every five minutes" And
lasts some time ~ "a quarter of an
hour, at least. '-Judge.
FIRST DEACoN-''You've got that horse
yet, | see" Second Deacon-"Why
shouldn't / have him ?" First Deacon
-''Ycu are always selling or trading
your horses, you know" Second Dea-
con-''There isn't anything the matter
with this horse. - uHOOa.
Mr. FREMoNT-C Charming reception,
Mrs. Lofty. Mrs. Lofty-Don't think
much of it. Lots of ordinary people
here. See that common looking woman
over there, and what a horrid dress she
has on. Suddenly discovers she is fac
ing a mirror. )-B0st0n Beacon.
MARY-I'm 50 glad Eugene was not
seasick on the trip over. Bessie-How
do YOU know she was not? The steam
er has only Just arrived on the other
side. Mary-Ihe paper says the City OF
Rome was spoken by the Etruria, which
reported "all well on board.
Il CANE to you, ma am" said the
tramp, because they told me you was
a friend of the human race" $50 |
am" replied the lady of the house with
pleasant smile, "but you'll excuse me
if | do not see how the fact can be OF
the slightest interest to you"
" YOUNG man." he said, what is that
stuff you are Drinking" 8 Whisky and
settler, sir" Don't you know that
whisky is bad for the stomach -
" Yes, sir; but settler amt. One of the
most prominent physicians III the city
has advised me to drink it.'-,Sun.
SrRANGER-That's nice goat you have
there. Can he haul more than one
Boy-Oh, yes, sir; sometimes three of
Us ride IN the cart. Stranger-lndeed
Why he's strong, isn't he? Boy-Ies,
sir, he's pretty strong, but we don't
mind that now, we're used to him.
HELLO, old man. l haven't seen
YOU for an agel What are you doing
with YOURSELF" 81 am preparing for
the stage" Preparing for the stage.
ell? What course do you pursue ?''
II walk ten miles out and back on the
railroad track every morning. "-L0,"di
Citizen.
''CAN YOU give me dime fer this ?''
asked a tramp the other day, as he
handed in a dirty piece of paper TO q
clerk IN newspaper COuntlng-rOom.
The clerk took it and read the follow
ing: Ivy is the straw hat now like
noise? Cos its called din. ''-NeU YORK
Tribune.
Mr.. De WASHER Ito pretty barmaid at
refreshment cOunter)-Aw, miss, would
yOu-aW-glve me-aW-One of those
aW-dog biscuits? Pretty barmaid (giv-
ing him oatmeal biscuit Here's the
dog biscuit. Take il on the mat and
eat it. Collapse of De Washer. Lon
don Fun
ENAMoRED youth-Your father treats
me with the most distinguished consid-
Grafton. The other night he called to
me as | was leaving and reminded me
that | was forgetting my umbrella.
Sweet girl-Ges, papa was afraid YOU
would be coming back after it the next
evening. FhiGdelpbia Record.
OLD Lady-(to Harlem boy lis the
game of ball over. sonny Sonny
Nom; it's only in de fit innin'. De
Goat williams are over de fence changin'
drr clothes fer Their kill er hoodoo. rs
aittin very late in de season. ma am
an ev'ry game frum now on is goin' ter
be PLAYED fer hlood.-Nelr York Sun.
VERY stout old lady watching the
lions fedl-'Pears to me, mister, that
ain t very big piece o. meat fer sech an
animal. Attendant with the greatest
and most stupendous show OF polite
ness on earth)-I s'pose 1t does seem
like a small piece of meat to You,
ma am, but it's enough for the lion.-
Life.
rTE farmers wife ran out to the road
and looked up and down. \ tramp was
shutting along. when she hailed him:
g say, did YOU see any cows in the corn
in that corner lot2" " No, ma am" he
REPLIED as he lifted his hat, 4 didn't
see any COWS in the corn, but | did see
some of the corn going into the cows
at" But she was of.-Ljte.
FIRST poetical aspirant Ito second dit
to-: So YOU say you've sent off more
than a hundred poems and never had
one returned Second p. A.: That's
what ! said First Z. a: It's a phe-
nomenaI success ! wish knew the
secret Second 7. A.: Well, I've some
times thought il was because ! never
enclosed any postage stamps.-LJe.
Mss MAUDE Injecting her cousin,
young Mr.. Sissy Why, you are not
looking well, Charlie. Mr.. Sissy (feeby)
No, Maude, I'm suffawing from a
shock. | was wun down lahst week by a
cawwidge in Central Park Miss Maude
tindignantlyl-Tth think it is perfect out
rage, Charley. These nurses seem to
think they own the entire walk Sun.
con, excuse me, Miss Bell" said Gus
de lay. when he had upset a dish OF
soup over that young ladv's dress. IT
was SO stupid OF me. am afraid / have
almost broken up the conversat on by
my careIessness, lie added, with a look
ofapolugy at the silent guests. "Oh,
no. ." said the young lady, ''yOu haven
broken it up. It's only a case of awk-
ward paws -Hffcbgnt ITdyaT.
PHIIApELFH1AN-Nou New Workers
are a curious lot. You make more fuss
over the death % that ape Crowley
than YOU could possibly have made over
the loss of two or three hundred PEG
pie. New Yorker-Nes, ] suppose II
does seem rather odd 90 YOU PhIla-