davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22

The following anecdote admits OF wide and
varied application Most OF US can apply It
TO ourselves if we viii IL was a story Of a
minister who, preaching in the pulpit Of a
brother clergyman, said some strong things
about racing and fast horses
He was told after the sermon that he had
touched one Of their best members at ten
der point
"Well, said the preacher, If cannot change
my sermon Tor him.
In the evening the man was introduced to
the minister, who said, II understand that
what 1 said touched one OF your weaknesses.
| assure you that was altogether uncon-
scious Of the weakness when | said it
"Oh. never mind, said the man. 1T is a
poor sermon that does not hit me some
where. ~ outh's Companion.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22

The lively shindy in the Committee o.
Credentials shows what Mahoneism and
Wseism leads 10.
1t Is said that there were cracked
crowns and bloody noses.
Brady and Wise headed The riot on one
side and Malone with the colored cohor'
performed on the other.
This is a pretty scene in comparison
with the harmony of the st. Louis Con
vention.
General Malone has been boss and au
tocrat long enough, and ridden his party
to the brink of ruin. Democrats viii
regret it if he Is deposed, but Wise as &
boss will be an equally good canvassel
for the Democrats, and save us gooC
deal of work The exact particulars O
the scuffie are not known, but the Chi
cago papers describe 1t as spirited al
fair with dividend of black eyes.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
PROTECTION IT Isl

The Republican Convention has de
clared for high protective tariff
That is, the war taxes laid on
to carry on the war must be main
msiLtained in time of peace, and the 80,
1000 made to pay tribute to the 10, 600
900, though tie Republicans promised
when they laid on those taxes to relieve
the people of the burdens as soon as the
war was over What is this for
Not 10 carry on war and not for reve
nue.; because we have no war, and we
have $l55 100000 more revenue than we
can spend. So it is for protection. Their
why do the Republicans insist on doub
ling the duty on tin when there is nc
lin made in this country
The simple truth is that the Republi
can party has no principles, and It want.
to foster monopoly in order to get money
enough to buy out a presidential cleo
ton
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
No Baths for Him.

IL am going to stop bathing" said a friend
of mine, of good habits, this morning Th-
statement staggered me, for | knew he did
not belong TO the great unwashed," nor was
he in any way retrograding toward that
bathless class, the tramps He proceeded to
explain. you see, my wife's brother is a
young physician, and my wife's father IS an
old physician Ny own father reads medical
works and talks great deal about them. A
near neighbor Of ours is a rising young doc
tor, and through him a number Of medical
men have visited us, and we have met the
NJ. d. S also at his house. Now in such an
atmosphere of wisdom you would think
me safe But feel am not
About everything | do from the time
get NJ until retire. in the way
of drinking. washing, rid
ing or oa.nIng is dangerousl | say danger
ous.' because that is the term they, the doc
tors, use am most alarmed about bathing
Nv father has found it in the books that 1t j.
dangerous 10 battle while warm. Ny wifes
father says it is dangerous To battle while
cold or chilly. Her brother asserts that only
the strongest persons dare battle on arising
without first taking food. The same wise
young doctor says it is dangerous and debil
itatlng TO battle just before retiring. They
all agree that it is dangerous to jump into
water Just after eating heartily. Nothing
has been said about getting up IN the middle
of the night and taking light lunch AMI u
bath, nor about leaving business in the mid
die of the afternoon and going 70 bathing
house for en- hour, but as both these times
are very inconvenient for me to indulge in
additions, have decided on tho only other
alternative, no. to battle at eiL"-Chicago
Journal
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
just What "a Whang Il.

In the wisdom of the ages there has come
to be something in name \ good house
wife in suburb OF Lewiston, whose reputa-
ton is of thrift, and whose wits are as keen
as the razors edge, issued cards not long ago,
it is said, for an afternoon party at her home,
terming it "A "whang" A whang i. an IN
known term in that vicinity. although they
bad heard it employed in mctGphoric or
symbolic or hyperbolic sense many times To
the country jubilee Of various kinds The
good ladies who were summoned didn't know
what to do or how to dress, but they went
just the same, full Of curiosity, and in their
most stunning toilettes. The hour was early
viz, p. m.-when the largerpart OF them
started. Bets were even against the field that
it was aquilting bee, one to three that it vas
rug bee, and even against the field that II
was just an ordinary party. When they got
there they found the house in disorder, and
everybody scrubbng for dear life \ whang
is II housekeeping party, and some Of the
ladies are sorry they didn't dress accordingly
Lewiston Journal
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
lie Was Forgiven.

very busy Chicago banker was to be
married 70 an Omaha girl, and the day fixed
was June at high noon The day came, but
the groom did not ulateralize and at Il. m.
this telegram was received:
For heavens sake tell US what is the mat
ter This is your wedding day, and the hour
approaches"
He was scared half ont Of his wits and
bounced around like hen with her head cut
off. Then he rushed to the telegraph office
and sent this answer:
Thought had three days OF grace Don't
let it go to protest. Coming on the next
train"
The wedding was late, but it was merry
one, and all was forgiven. w ashington
Critic
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
YHE COSyEsTIOH.

WLe. The Sherman beam was turned
on yesterday at Chicago the spray OF
cold water on the Blaine men sprlnkled
and evaporated by the heat of the eS'
element and the high temperature Of the
weather. But still the convention is
ticketed for Blaine, and all the delegate
know that Blaine has no worse record
than Sherman and much more audacil}
and magnetism" There are prominent
men ia the Republican party who have
clear records, and the fact that the con
vention holds on to the issue between
two very big corrupt men is the best
proof of the certain gravitatiOn of the
party TO ruin.
1t has long been sliding down the
slippery incline, and came near the bot
tom in 1884, by reason of the popular
recognition of its dangerous doctrines OF
ring rule and centralized power, mo
nopoly, and land steals The people still
need 10 be reminded of the horrible AM!
CHASTITY blot on our history, stamped
there by the burglarious steal Of the Presi-
dency by the Hayes conspiracy, and the
people ought to consider whether their
rights are safe in the hands of party
that thus committed criminal outrage on
the honor Of the Republic, and violated
the chastity of her institutions.
Let us give this question a still further
view, and see whether the Republican
party with such political crime on it
conscience can be trusted This is the
age Of mechanism, and the genius of in
ventions and of organization has so far
developed that great corporations have
power that must be curbed by legislation,
that even the constitution made by the
patriot fathers did not foresee as neces-
sary. Vast combinations use such gigan-
tic power that every thinking citizen sees
that the telegraph first and perhaps the
railroads must be put under Government
control
Now can the Republican party with
It's false ideas be intrusted with Govern
ment that must have so much power and
the privilege to abuse it?
We should emphatically say not.
No patriotic man of true American
ideas would be willing TO trust the Gov
eminent of the United States in the
hands of people who did not thoroughly
acknowledge misrepresentation character
of popular Government.
1t cannot be denied that the victory OF
the Democracy in 1884 was won because
the people saw the danger of Radicalism,
Star Route Jobs, Bill Chandler deals
with Roach, and land steals There is
an instinct in the popular mind that
moves the masses, and il is moving them
now towards the popolar assertion of
right which, according to the Presidents
message, is freedom from the tyranny
of war taxes in time of peace. The peo-
pie have long been bindfolded, but they
begin to see that the American ought 10
be allowed to work for the markets of the
world instead Of being confined to the
home market manipulated by the mo-
nopolists who control il through the
high tariff.
We do not ask anything better for the
Democratsssthan the declaration by the
Chicago Convention for protection at
war rates, and the citizen made to pay
twice as much for all his clothing as his
neighbor in Canada
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
some Georgia Items.

The hide tanning factory is doing well In
Srnithville. It would be a good idea to try it
on some of the small boys about town.
We are in receipt Of a valuable book en-
titled. How to Build a House" But how to
pay the rent on the ono we're in is what Is
hothering us just now.
When our choir sings II Would Not Live
Away" every man in the congregation,
with one hand on his hat and the other
vaguely feeling for his umbrella, shouts in
chorus, Il ask not to stay."-'Lee County
QiaD News
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22

The king IL dead -

The king Ia dead
Tho velvet pail. with It's thick silver fringe.
on the cold marble pavement, streams.
The gutterug candles burning by the bier
Flare in the gusts and rs he mods and dreams
A drowsy monk prays Tor the souls repose--
Thr,ists his lean fingers in his sleeves Of serge,
Watching alone; the hour Is not yet come
For knell and requiem and funeral dirge
Long live the king"
The smiling courtiers pause amid tho feast
And pledge their vows 10 their new liege IN wine
Ger uodding plumes and silks and flashing gcmr
A thousand tapers with soft brilliaDce shine;
Laughter and jest blend with the sound Of flutes,
or harp and viol, and the heavy air
Is sweet with musk; only a little page
Weeps as he waits without upon the stair.
M H. K In America.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22

That is q pretty satire on the alleged
nstrio,ism of the Republican party that
Judge Gresham would rot be nominated
because Gould would have him defeated
nm account of certain decisions ofGrsham
against the interests of Gould. If ajudse
ia TO he terrorized by a financial pirate
the people ough, TO be quick to see 'h"'
the pirates are dealt with properly
And 1t is a very poignant criticism that
the fact makes on the Republican.repre-
sentative body.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22

The adverse vote in the House of
Commons on Tuesday night was serious
defeat for the Tory Government. The
question at issue was In itself important,
involving the method of appointment of
the chief constables. The majority of
thirty against the government was made
up by adding to the votes of the Home
Rulers those Of Lord Harrington and
other Liberal. Unionists who have been
brought to reason by the Ayr election.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
Pearls Before Swine.

My poor man." said the sympathetic visi-
tor to the convicted burglar, 81 pity rath'
than blame you. If you had had the advan.
tases other men have had your career might
have been 50 different You were reared
amid scenes of vice and have passed your
life in moral darkness It not sof
Il can't deny it, num- replied the bur.
glar. I've allus been obleeged to do most OF
nv work in the dark Chicago Tribune.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
CONGRESS-.

OF course the two conventions stopped
the legislative movement in Congress-
but next week the Republicans will hare
finished their pow WOW, and the Demo
cratic party may take the field and assail
them a, every point. Congress should
40 longer play with the Mills bill. II
ought to make clear statement of the
trade and manufacturing interests and
then stop.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
Nothing Bad Enough for HIM.

The man who sent dollar for "a certain
cure for a corn, aud money refunded if ii
doesn't disappear" and received a card on
which was printed ''cut off your toe, thinks
he was swindled, and wants the advertiser
arrested IL, after following the directions
prescribed, the corn did not disappear, the
advertiser deserves to be punished. Norris
town Herald
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
A Clever Fellow.

81 say, Harrison, don't you think that fel-
low Bjones is very BRIGHT wonder whers
be gets all the good things he sayst
"Brighti Hml he ought to be bright
He's proof reader for Phunny Phoxe. When
ever you hear Bjones say good thing, just
watch Phunny Phoxe the next week. Then
you'll know where he gets his wit."-Har-
nar's Razar
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
OK LlFI's rAaeSHoLN

E.isfos Corners Her Mamma Nicely with
out Trouble.
Little Eunice between and years old.
had to be punished one day, her mother pre-
facing the operation with the remark that
she was sorry to do it; she only did it be-
cause she loved her so much, etc. At night,
after the little girl was in bed, she called her
mother to her, threw her arms around her
neck and said Mamma, we love one an
other, don't wer' "Yes, dear" "You don't
like to punish me, do your mo. do not. "
You would rather punish your own self,
wouldn't you, mammar Yes" We'll.
then, mamma, wish you would Chicago
Advance
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22

lrate Dame-l don't SEQ what you mean by
selling me that refrigerator. It's perfectly
awful. its a regular swindle.
Dealer-Did the vegetables keep in it,
"Oh, they were all right enough. but, dear
me. | put in enough ice to last II week, II
seemed to ne, and every ounce was gone in
one day. It uses up ice rs stove does coal
You warranted it, and | want my money
back, sir. can't afford to buy ice by the
ton, sir"
Madam, did not warrant that refriger
ator TO preserve ice, but TO preserve vegeta-
bles Omaha World.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
An African Wake"

According to news from the west coast Of
Africa there have been some human sacri.
fees in consequence Of the death Of u son Of
the king Of Grand Jack Selected victims
were obliged to drink sass water" a poison
GUS liquor, and were then pitched into the
surf on the seashore When the rollers
dashed them ashore men, women and chill
dren cut at them with knives until they were
dead. The chief Of the tribe flies the British
flag, and the captain OF a trading vessel re-
monstrated with him ia yain.-London
Standard
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
4 SAMPLE RIt of Misery.

\ small boy who happened to bruise his
leg said to his mother: "Oh! mamma, how
awfully it must hurt to be colored man"
Hurt, my deari Why, what do you meanP
"Why, don't you know, | tumbled down this
morning and made that black spot on my
leg, and its Just as sore as it can be Oil the
time r-Yont COMPANION.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
A Disconsolate Wife.

Il don't believe in these secret societies,
said one Austin lady 10 another
That's very singular" replied the other;
"your husband is Forester, knight Of
Pythias, and a Knight OF Honor, and you
will have at least 1000 when hs dies
But what good does all that do meN was
the fearful response, "when he never diesf
and the poor creature burst into tears -
Texas Siftings
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22

The New York Star produces an al.
legged mining report, from which we clip
the folio wing "A cave-in is reported in
the Gresham. The Allison mine needs
rstiinbering. There are vague rumors
flying about Of immense discoveries of
rich ore in the Park Horse country,
about 500 miles away from this point.
The odd miner who brought in The
specimens is kept carefully out of the
way by secret syndicate of capitalists,
who propose to scoop in the entire Dark
Horse region, which is reported to be
about two days travel from Morton
WILLIE"
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
Knew When to stop.

A New England man has beaten the green
goods sawdust men at their own game. Ho
got one OF their circulars, and in reply asked
for a sample of their goods. They sent him
a genuine 81 bill, and the gentleman stopped
the correspondence then and there.-New
York Sun
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22

PATIENT wish you would prescribe for
me, doctor am nervous and restless and
M sleep is disturbed By Nightmares hideous
enough for delirium tremens.
Doctor-Possibly your heart Is diseased.
Do you lie on the right s.def
Patient-Great Scott, doctor / thought
you knew that am running an independent
newspaper and have 10 lie on all side'.-De-
troit Free Press
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
A Figure Of Speech.

Fond Mother-And SO you saw little
black baby, Etheli And what did it look
likei
Ethel--Oh, so funny mamma 1t was
black outside; when it rollel up its eyes and
showed its little teeth, then | saw it was
white inside. Guess IA black baby is just like
--a--cream chocolate. -Pittsburg Bulletin.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22

The Cincinnati Enquirer is of the op'n,
ion that 10 person this side OF Scotland
knows what is going TO happen al
Chicago.
There is dense political fog hanging
over Chicago" says correspondent
Fogs may be cleared away by any k'ho
Of a no, explosion. Why not fire oil
Foraker
A hasty summing up
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
A Natural Mistake.

Nature appears in very similar garb &c
the youngsters. no matter in what depart
ment she shines Little 3-year-old was out
in the fields the other day and came running
in with, II saw a pansy and WAS going 10
pick it. and it was n butterfly and it hed
away r--Hartford Post.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22

Druggist van. prescription
clerk. Have you diplomat
Applicant-Not exactly, sir, BUT
Druggist Can you run a soda fountain'
Applicant-yot very well. sir, but ] can
learn.
Drucgist-No. guess you won't do
might let you practice putting up prescrip
tons, but / can't afford to risk an mex
perienced hand at the soda fountain detroit
Free Press
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
Not Comforting Assurance.

\ little girl while on visit to her grand
mother had been seriously Ill, and, as she
grew better, was spoken OF as conyalescent.
Thinking it would be very smart to use a
long word she wrote nome: Dear mamma,
I am happy to say that am conclusive -
Young People.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22

"Yes.p said Uncle Rastus, "rse been takin
brain food TO- ter stimulate my mem'ry, an
it's wukin' fust rate"
~ hope it has worked sufficiently for you
to remember, Uncle Rastus, that you hav"
owed me seventy-ave cents for over year ,"
"Yes, sah dat was one Oh de fust things
'mernbered, and jes' as was gwine 'roun' to-
ter pay de money also 'membered dat |
wuAient have muffin lef' ter buy Goldfish
Wit. Dat brain food, Mistah Smif, am er
great discovery.-The Epoch.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
Soulless Corporations,

BY the roadside:
Tramp No IL say, Jem, I've cot dandy
new name fer me old shoes. Call 'em cor
porations" now.
Tramp No. Fer why. mo boyl
Tramp No. l-'Cause .hey've got no soies'
--P.ttsburg Bulletin
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22

Mr.. Flanagan, one OF the yice-presi-
dents of the convention, wanted TO
know, What are we here for, if not for
officesf"
If that Is all, they had just as well get
up and get, for they will not get any
from Blaine and Sherman even down to
Flanagan.
The Republicans are gone clean daft
TO suppose that they can win with all the
advantages against them after they lost
with all the advantage on their side.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22

Il hear young Fastleigh has been painting
the town red since his uncle left him a
quarter of a million" why, anybody could
paint the town red with a quart Of yerrnii-
Life
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
A Dust Item.

"Pa," asked speculative youngster, was
made of dustf"
Certainly. my son; we all were"
Just common road dust ike that ragged
boy out therep
"Y-e-s, admitted the puzzled father; Just
the same Why do you askr
"Oh. | thought maybe as WIGS such nice
little boy might be made Of diamond dust.
Detroit Free Press.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
The Republicans give themselves dea

The Republicans give themselves deal
away when they gable about free
trade. especially when they charge Gov
ernor Hill with 1t. Governor Hill left no
doubt as to his meaning. He said II
believe in an intelligent, fair, honest re.
vision Of the tariff-a revision in the in
terest of the people and not of monopo-
lies. believe In protecting labor in every
legitimate and proper way; but unneces
sary burdens upon commerce do not
afford any assistance or protection to
workingmen."
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22

What We want for our prosperity
therefore, to increase our expectation and
make our farmers rich, is 10 extend our
commerce. The highest prosperity this
country has ever had was when you have
had heavy importations and heavy ex-
portations
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
She saw the Gold.

Mamma, know it's true about the golden
streets in heaven"
"Wby, how do YOU know, Maudp
because, when was on deck with uuJ Sc
last night something made noise and the
sky split clear across, and then 1 saw the
gold shining through "-Electrical Review.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
Wanted.

We quote from Tho Tombstone Warbler
the following double loaded editorial: III
Nola Twigg, the servant girl in Portland,
Ore. who recently fell heir TO 5000 VIII
call ut this office, she will hear something
greatly to her advantage. We are bach
elor -
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
A Judges Advice.

Judge Hare, Of PHILADELPHIA recently gave
this advice TO a wife beaten who was dis
charged upon the appeal OF the abused wife:
when you find yourself getting angry
again, Gil your mouth with water and keep
Il shut till you cool oG."-Chicago Herald
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22

Conceited Young Mani wonder why that
beautiful young lady over there looks at me
50 much. guess she is trying to make al
impression
Sarcastic Young Lady-That is not the rea-
son. She has weak eyes, and the doctor has
told her to relieve them by looking at some
thing green-Texas Siftings.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
EXCURSIONS.
NJ ARWlCK PARK
GoNDoLA CHIMBoRAzo

GON DOLA CnIMBORALO
Leaves her wharf daily ,eSccpt SUNDAY o.
$50 am. 2:50. 500. and 20 pm Returning
leaves Warwick Park at l.l5. 3s5. Gli. and
1000 pm.
On SUNDAYS leaves Richmond al loa.m.
100 100. AMI 600 pm. Returning, leaves WaF-
wick Park at il:l5 am. 2I5. 5:l5. AMI 80 pm.
Fare, l5c. each way. Round trip, PIE oAA
lren under years tree.
Batting sailing ashins ana batbil. he
freshments served at city prices
The company reserves the light O. hoi
portions OF the grounds and OF the pa Zion
for private paItes.
THOMAS ELLETl. seq.
- North Ninth street. Richmond. "a.
5my. 3m
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-06-22
The FIRST Instance.

Merriman-Nost remarkable thing ever
heard of You'll say 50, too.
Graves-Indeedl What is It'll
Merriman- Friend Of mine got married the
other day, and there wasn't single butter
dish among the presents.-Judge.