Woodville Republican. (Woodville, Miss.) 185?-current, 1888-10-20
a sAopPINa EXCURSION.
Mr.. Dusonberry's Trained Mind Plays Hlr
RDme Awful Tricks,

"Been shopping for your wife, ehg"
suavely asked the stranger.
"Yes,n replied Dusenberry, as he
glanced complacently at the packages
upon his knees and on either side Of
him on the seat Of the car.
shopping is terrible bore to me,
and 1 never get any thing right, " re-
marked the stranger. ''You had every
item written down, supposePn
''Bless you. nor protested Dusen-
berry II would scorn to do that. 1t
would be admitting a weakness in my
mental structure. | have trained my
self to depend entirely upon my mem
DRY, and there isn't better school for
the memory than a shopping excur-
sion.
'And do you think that you have
every thing that you were ordered to
bring shade, the quality, the
quantity and all thatP"
''Why. to be surer' declared Dusen-
berry; ''got such matters down real
fine"
''Then, sir, envy you, commented
the stranger, with sigh.
When Dusenberry arrived at home
with his parcels he could not make his
Boosting good. In fact he had made
terrible mess out of his errand. His
memory played him falsely in every
instance. His wife tried to be patient
over It all, but she couldn't. There
wasn't grace enough to Offset the provo
cation.
"What have you herep" she asked,
catching at large package. "Hazel-
nutsp didn't order any,"
'Iguess they are nutmegs, my dear, "
Dusenberry said.
''NutmegsPn she almost screamed.
allow manyP"
Five pounds"
"Oh, you simpleton! Five pounds Of
nutmegsl l told you to bring three
ounces"
'Did you, my dear? Well, / thought
there were a good many nutmegs, and
they cost dreadfully.n
"What's thisP" she asked. ga yard
Of sateen. l told you five yards OF
satin. This is of no earthly use to me. :"
Cant you make bathing suit Of
itp" Dusenberry family asked, so 'rat-
tledn that he really meant it.
Her proportions were none of the
most insignificant, and so she frowned
fiercely upon him.
81 don't see the Lyons velvet" she
said. mo doubt you forgot FTP"
maria, I didn't forget any thing.
They hadn't any"
"What! hadn't anyP"
eyes, Maria. Lyons was dead or
had gone out of business, or some-
thing of the kind, the clerk said"
ooh, Dusenberryr' groaned she.
elbow can you get off such an out
rageous yarn like that? Sakes alive,
man, what do you call thisP"
ut is hair-pin, isn't it, my dear?"
"0ne big, ungainly, horrid-loolSing
hair-pin Oh, you parsimonious
wretch! What do | want with one
hair-pinP The clerk must have thought
you daft"
you said should bring you a coarse
hair-pin, Maria"
II didn't
''Ny dear, let us not quarrel-but ]
distinctly remember that you did"
Nonsense, Dusenberry. You've got
the worst memory of any man ever
knew. told you to write it all down,
but you wouldn't. told you to bring
me q gross of hair-pins. Not one
coarse hair-pin, but twelve dozen OF
them.n
''Oh, see," Dusenberry said, as he
rubbed the end OF his nose. "Gross,
coarse; gross, twelve dozen. 1t wasn't
slip of the memory, my dear 1t was
merely miscomprehension."
His wife found fault with every pur-
chase, and he felt deeply Inundated
and all the more so when he recalled
his boastful speech to the stranger
The last article unwrapped was bot
tie of castor oil.
SIS this for YOURSELF" she asked.
mo, my dear" replied he; 'yol
told me to bring castor OIL"
'.Dusenberry, l didn't"
maria, shall insist that you did
It's the last package, and surely one
out of the lot ought to be right. Tn
trying my best, my near, to be patient
but"
You're trying to be patient! Oh
Lor! I've two or three bottles of castor
oil in the house. l don't want any
and I didn't tell you to bring any"
"My dear, am willing to swear tina
you did" persisted Dusenberry. "Yol
must allow me to depend somewha
upon my memory. / regret that it ha
narrowed down to a question of veraci
ty between us, and I'll try to b
patient 1t was the last order yor
gave me. had already reached tn
street; you were in the doorway; yo
said to me-
Eyes, Dusenberry, remember"
'Ah, ] knew you would. You ha
me down in the dust, but now l fec
correspondingly elated. No dout
most Of the other orders"
Yes, YOU IDIOT remember! We wer
standing where you say we were.
did not say, bring bottle of caste
OIL Isaid. bring me a bottle of oil TO
the castor. >"
That's so. Maria, admitted Duser
berry, as limp-loolsing as a dish-clotf
I'm down in the dust again, m
dear; but may be it's good place 70
me to be."-DetroH Free Press.