The Emporia weekly news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1881-1889, 1888-02-09

After the terrible 18th of June I am |
not conscious of any experience of re- |
hgious character for several days, except |
q profound and burning conviction that it |
Is folly to wait for death before trying to |
be right with God. might be sinful or
wicked again, but the idea that the great |
business of life may safely be left to the
last could influence me no more! Just
how TO be religious was puzzle. knew
If had a command to execute from an
army officer would do it, il in my power,
no matter how difficult or dangerous; and
wished intensely that it was Just as easy
to be religious as to be q soldier. But
there was the question of right feelings
and right motives that did not seem to
come into play very much in the army;
for If a soldier did his duty, he was not
apt to be asked how he felt about it; had
the belief that l must have Joy and rap
| ture In thinking Of death, a readiness to
shout Gods praises which d not feel;
and for time it seemed as il could never
reach genuine conversion. / diligently
read the Bible which we had borrowed,
| but while / enjoyed many things in it,
little direct guidance for me was found.
asked counsel of Capt. Fry, for whom
had the greatest esteem and respect.
| But it was so easy for him to believe that
/ thought his case must be very unlike my
own. l also spoke to j. r. Porter, the
only one OF our number who had a clea1
\ it. His first answer was very striking.
| asked how he felt about death. He thought
\ that / referred to our worldly prospects,
and answered that probably we would
soon all be put to death. "But what is
your feeling about death itself?' con-
| tinued. He said:
at am not afraid to die, If it is Gods
| will; I trust him now, and I expect to
trust him to the last" He took my hand,
and there was a steady light in his eye
that made me believe every word he said.
But when asked him how he got such
faith he could only tell me that he went to
| q Methodist ''mOurners' bench" two years
before and sought till he found it. This
did me no good, for there was no such
place accessible here.
In sore perplexity read the Bible from
day to day and prayed, taking my turn in
praying aloud and reading with the
others. At length I thought I began to
see that trusting Christ meant something
like taking his words and teachings for
my guide, trying to do all that he COM
mands, and leaving the result, while did
this, with him This was not that sud-
den transformation that I had hoped, but
soon found that it opened up a good many
things that had never dreamed of. One
OF these seemed especially strange under
the circumstances. ] had yet but a slender
hope of ever escaping from the prison eX
cept by the way of the scaffold. But in
spite of the dark prospect the question
came as an absolute test of my obedience,
''Will you, If satisfied that it is Gods
will, be ready to give up the profession of
law IL you ever get home and go into the
ministry" The first and spontaneous re-
ply was, ''Nor' I had studied law and
meant to practice it if 1 ever got where
law reigned. But at once the self re-
Spouse was clear, ''What kind of
obedience is this?'' / saw that l
was not sincere in proposing to enlist
under Christ as my captain, unless
would really obey him. 1t would be a
poor allegiance that stopped short with
the things wanted to do. For a long
time / could not pass this point The
difficulty when communicated to my
| prison companions seemed utterly absurd.
''Try to serve God in the prison, where
you are, ~ they said with a rough plausi-
bility, land don't bother about preaching,
being a lawyer, or anything else, when
you get out, for you never will get out. p"
This seemed good advice, but it would
not bring serene mind or the victory
over the fear of death which so much
desired. One after another of those in
! the prison found the comfort lacked;
and it was not till wearied and worn out
with the struggle that vowed if God
would only give me his peace, I would
serve him as sincerely in the prison or out
J of it as had tried to serve my country,
and in any way that he might direct
Oh! that this vow had been always more
faithfully keptl
7 From this time did have steady con-
viction that 1 was on the Lords side, and
; that / had right to commit myself and
my life to his keeping. The prison did
not prove palace; it's discomforts were
3 still felt keen1y, and the prospect of death
by the gallows did not appear more invit-
J ing. would not have been the less ready
to make any desperate venture for escape;
/ | but had hope which went beyond the
: prison and the scaffOld-beyond any con-
tingency of earthly fortune, while it did
} not take away any real earthly good.
? We all remember with deepest graft
! tude the Rev. George G. n. MacDonell,
} | one of those who attended our comrades
, | on the day OF death. We did not see
3 either Of the clergymen then, or know
{ | who they were, or, indeed, that there was
such attendance until long after. Whether
Rev. Mr.. Scott did visit us not am un-
, able to state with positiveness. A minis
ter came, and was afterward told that
his name was Scott, but he may have been
another person, as I think this one was
not a resident of the city. The interview
. in this latter case was unpleasant. The
. preacher had been brought in by our
q old jailer on the very natural presumption
that persons who prayed and sung SC
|, much would like to meet a clergyman.
q He promised the officer of the guard that
y he would talk only about religion. But
. his first question built up an impossible
: barrier. between us. He asked how we
could be so wicked as to come down there
and fight against the south and try tc
; | overturn their government? We had been
: trying to repent of our sins, but had not
: got so far as that particular one yet, an6
y answered little tartly by asking how he
. and his friends could be so wicked as tt
Q rebel against a good government. h
J | hva ref m 10 fFV
ing to overthrow slavery, and I asked
: him If it was possible that he, a minister
= was an apologist for slaveryl 1t hap
% pened that he was Jealous defender o.
the institution and very sensitive on thi
a point; and so much noise was soon made
in the discussion that the guard removed
y him. He did not come again.
. But our interview and subsequent &C
70 quaintance with Rev. Mr.. MacDonen wa
. of very different character, though 1
also opened unpromisingly. In his frs
Il prayer he petitioned very earnestly tina
n our lives might be spared if consisten
y with the good of the Confederacy! Thi
4 offended some of us, but the better opinion
VI was that'if sincere in his loyalty to tn
rebel authority, he could hardly hav
8 prayed differently. So kind was he to u
IL afterward that some thought he Nigh
possibly be 8 Union man in real sent
" ments; but he has since assured me that b
. was not in the slightest degree, and tina
os all he did for us was at the dictates Of bu
~ mainly and religion. We had very pleas
" ant interview. HE gave us valuable couI
ys sci, and felt it a great privilege to tai
:. over religious questions with one so int
lg ligent and sympathetic. When he left b
nj promised to send us some books, and di
OF not forget to promptly forward then
u These we took good care OF, read tho
ck oughly to all in the room and then II
). turned, asking for more. These he gene
81. ally gave, and we thus continued till n
ey had read nearly his whole library. Thoc
US only who know what a dreadful wear
re ness it is to pass days without any del
ne mite employment can realize the gre
n boon these good books bestowed on Us.
al made the prison room veritable schoo
N and in view of our religious efforts Il
lie. character of the books was Just what Y
ur would most have desired. did not car
nR - q To~,iIIa co. low hooks lint n