The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1888-03-22
WEDDING ETIQUETTE.

pers Bazaar, is remotely founded on the
early savage history of mankind, and
which bears fruit in our later and more
complex civilization, still reminding US
OF the past. In early and in savage
days the man sought his bride heroicly,
and carried her off by force. The Tar
tar still does this, and the idea only was
improved in patriarchal days by the
purchase OF the bride by the labor of
her husband, or by his wealth in Aocks
and herds. 1t is still theory that the
bride is thus carried off, Always, there
fore, the idea has been cherished that the
bride is something carefully guarded,
and the groom is looked upon as q sort
OF friendly enemy, who comes to take
away the much-prized object from her
loving and jealous family. Thus the
long. cherished theory bears fruit in the
English ceremonial, where the only car
rage furnished by the groom is the one
IN which he drives the bride away to
the spending of the honeymoon. Up
to that time he has no right of proprie-
torship. Even this is not allowed in
America among fashionable people, the
brides father sending them in his own
carriage on the first stage of their jour-
ney. It is not etiquette for the groom
to furnish anything for his own we'd
ding but the ring and bouquet for the
bride, presents for the bridesmaids and
| and best man, and some token to the
a <1,~ ~
He should not pay for the cards, the
carriages, the entertainment, or any
thing connected with the wedding.
This is decided in the high court Of Ell
quette. This is the province of the
family of the bride, and should be in
sisted upon. If they are not able to do
this, there should be no wedding and
no cards. It is better for q portionless
girl to 60 to the alter in travelling dress,
and to send out no sort of invitations or
wedding cards, than to allow the groom
to pay for them. This is not to the
disparagement of the rights of the groom.
1t is simply proper and universal Ell
quette.
At the alter the groom, if he is mil
!1onaire, makes his wife his equal by say
ing: with all my worldly goods
thee endow;" but until he has uttered
the words she has no claim on his purse
for clothes, or cards, of household fur
nishing, or anything but those articles
which come under the head of such gifts
as is a lovers privilege to give.
Suppose, as was the case twice last
winter, that an engagement Of marriage
is broken after the cards are out? Who
is to repay the bridegroom if he has paid
for the cards? Should the father of
the bride send him a check? That
would be very insulting, yet family
would feel nervous about being under
pecuniary Indebtedness to discarded
son-in-law. The lady can return her
ring and the gifts her lover has made
her; they have suffered no contact that
will injure them. But she could not
return shoes or gowns or bonnets.
1t is therefore wisely ordered by
| etiquette that the lover be allowed to
pay for nothing that could not be re-
turned to him without loss, if the en-
gagement were dissolved, even on the
wedding morning.
Nothing is more honorable than
marriage celebrated in the presence only
OF the father, mother, and priest. The
young people, unwilling OF unable to
have splendid dresses, equipages, cards
and ceremony, can always be married in
this way. and go to the senate or White
House afterward. They are not hamper
ed by it hereafter. But the bride should
not forget her dignity. She should
never lot the groom pay for cards, or
for anything, unless it is the marriage
license, wherever it is needful in this
country, and the clergyman's fee. If
che does she puts herself in false posi-
ton.
1t is the privilegeof the BRIDE to name
the wedding day, and of her father and
mother to pay for her trousseau. After
the wedding invitations are issued she
does not appear in public.
The members of the brides family go
to the church before the bride; the
bridegroom and his best man await
them at the alter.
The bride comes last, with her father
or brother, who is to give her away.
She is joined at the alter steps by her
tiance, who takes her hand, and then
she becomes his for life.
ALI these trjties mean much, as anv
one can learn who goes through with
the painful details Of a divorce suit.
Now when the circle of friends on
both sides is very extensive, it has Of
late become customary to send invita-
lions to some who are not slled to the
wedding breakfast, to attend the core
mony at the church. This sometimes
takes the place of issuing cards. No
one thinks of calling on the newly mar
ried who has not received either an in
vitation to the ceremony at church or
cards after their establishment in their
new home.
In most cases the after-cards are Or
dered with the other cards, and the
brides mother pays for them. But if
they are ordered after the marriage,
the groom may pay for these as he
would pay for his wife's ordinary ex-
penses. Still, it is stricter etiquette
that even these should be paid for by
the brides family.
People who are asked to the wedding
send cards to the house if they cannot
attend, and in any case, send or leave
cards within 10 days after, unless they
are in very deep mourning, when
dispensation is granted them.
The etiquette of wedding at home
does not differ at all from the etiquette
of q wedding in church with regard to
cards. A great confusion seems to exist
in the minds of some as to whom
they shall send thei& re-
turn cards on being invited to we'd
ding. Some ask, "Shall I send them
to the bride, as I do not know her
mother?" Certainly not; send them to
whomsoever invites you. Afterward
call on the bride or send her cards but
the first and important card goes to the
lady who gives the wedding.
The order Of the religious part of the
ceremony is fixed by the church in
which it occurs. The groom must call
on the clergyman, see the organist and
make what arrangements the bride
pleases, but all expenses, except the fee