Sharp County record., 1888-02-02
FULL OF FUN.

Passenger (on street car, alarmeO
--"Madamc, do you feel fit coming
onP" Madame (haughtily) mo, sir;
I'm trying to find my pocket. ~ T.
Sun.
They tell of young Llncoln man
that he is 50 able q contortiOnist that
he can see without difficulty the bald
spot on the back of his head. Ne
JraSka State Journal.
When Il woman is first married
she desires to be called MADAME.
Some years later she feels tremendous
ly complimented by being called
"Miss. Merchant 7raUe'er.
Silencing Bore: He-"I fear !
am wearying you with my prosy con.
versation. You look a little tired. "
She-"Oh, no, indeed; l was only
thinking how very tired you must
be. e."-Judge.
-FIanagan-"Thim's the thinnest
pair of gents ever seen, barrin' wan. y
Lannigan-"An' how thin was he.
might ask?" Flanagan-"Begorra,
he was as thin as the two o thin put
together. "-L0ndOn Fun.
"A boarding-school was burned up
at the hamlet of Werchobistritzkioi, in
Russia. 1t is supposed people ran for
help to the nearest town, but that the
other place burned up before its name
could be pronounced. M T. Gh'phjc
Brown Qo Robinson, who is reading
telegram with look of anguish on
his face)- What's the matter OIL fell
low? Somebody dead?' Robinson
(crushing telegram with both hands,
NO; somebody alive, b'thunder!
TwinsH' Cheap Tribune.
She Studied Volapuk:
A charming young student of Gruf
Once tried to acquire Volapuk;
But it sounded so bad
That her friends called her mad,
And she quit 1t in less than wul.
-MkUaukee Sentinel
Grocer Ito new boy)-"What did
that lady want, james, New Boy
salt mackerel. | told her we hadn't
any," Grocer" "Great Scott! James,
told YOU we had a dozen kits come in
fresh this morning!' New Boy-"YeS,
sir; but she didn't want EN- fresh; she
wanted 'em salt. "-G0lden Days.
Uncle Enoch-"Say, boy, who s
this Ed that writes so many little
pieces in the raper?' Nephew from
city" THE editor of the paper l sup
pose" Uncle Enoch - "WaL why
don't the crittcr sign his whole name?
It's durn foolish fer q grown-up man
ter call himself Ed.'-BOston Beacon.
Young Wife Cat dinner table,
sobbin0--T think you-you-aro
Just as mean as-as-you can be, l
made that-that apple-dumpling as a
pleasant surprise for you, and-and
now-you-want me to bring hand
s,w to cut it in two with" Young
Husband-"Good heavens, Maria! Is
that dumping? took it for CO.
coanut. with desperate firmness')
I'll eat it, now, Maria, if it kills me. D."
MARY" said Mrs. B'ank, anxh her
time, to her maid, you eanS tell
Bridget that she oxceed herself in the
pies we had to-day for dinner" A
little later Mrs. Blank went down to
the kitchen and found Bridget very
sad and solemn. "Why, what is the
matter?' asked the lady, very much
surprised. "Shure, num-" came the
answer, 'didn't you tell Mary l could
90 sell myself with them pies?'-Har-
per's Bazar.
The porter busted the last coat
ard found the last missing package
as the train slowed in at the terminal
station, anl as he glanced along his
car he said. Twice a day am !
glad of my great big family; I'm
glad when get 'om all put to bed,
and I'm glad when l get 'em all up
and dressed again. Reckon if l kept
putin 'em to bed and gettin' 'em up
again all day, I'd be glad all the
time" And with n gladstone smile
he went back to count up the salary
which my Lord Pullman-good Lord
deliYcr us-permits his PASSENGERS to