Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1888-04-27
HACKENSACK'S HOTEL.

When Mr.. Hiram Hackensack arrived in
Oak City, a very new ''city' in Nebraska,
his financial condition seemed in no respect
an enviable one.
In the first place his total available capital
consisted of exactly sixty three cents in cash,
which jingled conspicuously in his capacious
pockets whenever his hand happened to be at
liberty, and four trunks containing personal
property of questionable value Then he
had family to support, consisting of a
blooming Mrs. Hackensack and five young
Hackensacks in various stages of childhood
up to IA years, all of whom possessed appe-
titles in first class order.
The morning was cold one, and Mr..
Hackensack had some difficulty in finding
accommodations for his family within the
city limits, not that the inhabitants were so
numerous, but the houses were so few.
There was no hotel at Oak City, and the lady
proprietor of the railroad boarding house at
first refused to take in the Hackensacks, even
for day, without payment in advance The
sight of four ample trunks, however, finally
overcame her caution, and the family were
allowed to install themselves in a scantily
furnished back room on the second floor of
her establishment
In very short time Mr. Hackensack,
whistling cheerily, was seen on his way
around town carrying supply Of small
bills, hammer and tacks, for the purpose of
posting in every available place the startling
announcement that the Celebrated and
Only North and South American Specially
and Novelty Consolidation would give one
of their A'refned, chaste and incomparably
grand entertainments" at the city hall on
that evening.
'Now," said Mr.. Hackensack, confidently,
to his wife, 81 think this town is good for $50
tonight, and that will take us to the next
stand in fine shape"
"But suppose we don't draw here" sug-
gested Mrs. Hackensack, sitting forlornly on
her trunk.
'Drawg" echoed the head of the family
"We shall draw. The whole town is
aroused. They are suffering here for amuse-
ment. There hasn't been show of any kind
since the circus last summer The house will
be packed take my word for it."
The house, however, was not packed. The
consolidation" consisting wholly of the
Hackensack family, including the ''Infant
Prodigy" played to, in theatrical parlance,
the sum of $780, The rent of the hall was
SIS, which the cautious owner deducted from
the receipts, 81 at time, as the people came
in; the local musician, who officiated at the
piano, claimed 50, but finally compromised
on receipt of fifty cents; the drayman who
hauled the baggage from the station charged
like sum, but was also forced to accept half
dollar. The proprietor of the "consolida-
ton" returned to the boarding house with
the remainder of the receipts rattling dis
mally in his trousers pocket.
The Hackensacks, however, slept as soundly
as usual, being people Of philosophic turn
of mind The following morning Mr.. Hack
ensack rendered his landlady 81 in small
change.
lowing to unforeseen circumstances" he
remarked, politely, 81 am unable to liquidate
the remaining two-thirds of my account at
the present time"
"You mean to say that you can't pay me
but 81 for >all them children has etg' cried
the indignant widow. ''Well, not one of
them four trunks goes out of this house to-
day."
"That is very proper thing to say,
madam replied Mr. Haczensack, serenely
"There is really no reason why the trunks
should go out today-in fact, the trunks need
not go till we do"
The landlady was for moment speeches.
with establishment When sufficiently re-
covered she sarcastically inquired how long
he expected to stay at her first class boarding
house.
''Most unfortunately, madam, the time of
my departure is exceedingly uncertain, like
everything else in this uncertain world"
began her guest, arliably, and then he pro-
ceeded to expatiate upon the vicissitudes and
misfortunes of a public career, and ended by
complimenting her remarkable talent in the
line of cookery, and assuring her that it
would all be paid for, take his word for it.
In lieu of anything more tangible the
widoW>took his word for it, for the time
Mr.. Hackensack spent the day in gathering
up all the bills he had posted, which had not
been damaged too much for future use In
the evening he was met by his eldest son, a
capable youth of IA, who seemed in a state of
unusual excitement.
SPA" he said, ''the old woman is making
an awful fuss about us staying here"
s'Son," said Mr.. Hackensack, severely,
"didnt you have your supper last nightl"
eyes, pa" he admitted
sAnd bed to sleep in?'
eyes, pa"
tAnd your three meals today?"
eyes, pa"
"Well, then, son, what are you kicking
abouts"
That member of the consolidation had no
more to say on the subject.
Several eventful days passed, then the
worthy Mrs Miners opportunities could no
longer be disregarded.
"The bill will be all paid madam, take my
word for it," reiterated Mr.. Hackensacz, i'm
pressively.
But the landlady was opposed to taking
his word for it, and at the end of a week she
complained to her cousin, the justice of the
peace, who consulted with his friend the at
torney, and together these two dignitaries
called upon the undesirable guest and in
timated that his conduct was not exactly in
accordance with the laws of Nebraska.
s'You are putting Mrs. Mincer to great
deal of expense added the justice of the
peace.
"Her expense, my dear sir, is nothing COM
pared to my loss" declared Mr.. Hackensack
very seriously. II am losing $25 day at
too"
"Why don't you go to those towns?' asked
the attorney with the air of cross questioning
witness.
''My dear SIR" replied Hackensack, ''some-
body has truly remarked that money makes
the marc go;' and money is essential to move
even such an unequaled consolidation as
mine is. The consolidation has fame, but
just at the present moment the consolidation
is without money"
The justice of the peace and the attorney
retired. perplexed if not defeated. They CON
suited with the city officials, who, after soIs,o
debate, actually offered to pay Mr.. Hacken-
sacks board bill providing he would leave
town at once.
sMy dear SIR" graciously said the subject
of all this discussion II appreciate your
Offer but as the consolidation is unable to
walk to the nearest stand, 1 must decline it
with thanks.n
The situation was becoming serious. The
entire population of Oak City waited for the
denouement with intense interest, and when
ever the Hackensacks walked out they were
the cynosure of allie eyes. There seemed to be
no way of getting rid of Mr. Hackensack,
despite the fact that he expressed entire
willingness to go. Mrs. Mincer would not
let the female leave until the bill was settled
and the bill became so large that the city
fathers did not feel able to iquidate it,
especially as it would accomplish nothing
unless they also paid the fare to the next
town.
l1E,~