Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-12-20
CARL DUNDER.
He Has Learned Some New Tricks, and
Proposes to Speculate.

| Proposes to Speculate.
Well! Well! But [ thought you
were in Germany by this timer ex-
claimed Sergt. Bendall, as Carl Dun
der entered the Woodbridge street
police station yesterday.
s.No, 1 doan' go. Maybe dere vhas
some flies on me-maype not
s.But you were discouraged the last
time you were here; you had tried
politics and got left. Perhaps you
have struck something else"
'.Dot vhas it, und l shall shtay right
here. / learn some new tricks, und |
hat some chances to speculate.
ssTell me about it," said the sergeant,
as he settled down in his chair.
"Maype YOU doan' like to hear from
some greenhorns," replied Mr.. Dun
der with an injured look. eff [ vhas
green ash grass und some COWS feed
me on, better 1 60 home?n
"Come, 90 ahead. What new tricks
have you got?"
"Vhell, sergeant" said the old man
as he melted slowly, ''dot trick I
shpeak of vhas to wait until more ash
ten loafers vhas in my place, schwear-
ing und splitting und hugging the
stove, und den put in a shtick of wood
nit some powder in it und blow 'em
oop. You neafer saw such schumping
and running in your life. 1t vhas
enough to kill me nit laughter. A
stranger gifts me dot trick for two
glasses of beer"
.'You blow up the loafers?"
"Dot vhas it.
sBut you blow up the stove, too,
and perhaps the saloon. Can you af-
ford to buy new stove every time you
want to play the trick?"
..Eh? Does der stoaf go, blow up,
too?"
"Of course
Him! I doan' think of dot before.
Of coarse der stoaf vhas blown oop
NIT der loafers, and maybe der house
vhas on fire."
"What else?"
"Vhell, I figure on some canary
birds. can buy 'em in Shermany for
two shillings apiece
yes"
''Und der price here vhas So"
Exactly"
eff l buys one million der profit
vhas oafer million und half of dol
lars.n
81 see. You want agents here and
in Germany, and there is the cost of
transportation, the loss by death, and
YOU must find million buyers. Splen.
did scheme, Mr.. Dunder! l suppose
you'll buy a steamer to ship by?'
Him! l get dot speculation for 81
in cash. Vhas he wrong?"
"Oh, no; go right ahead. Anything
else?'
s'What if buy oop all der oranges
in der country for 81, ZOO, COOP"
'Then you could advance prices so
per cent. and make heap of money"
''Shust so. | vhas glad you see 1t
like me. Dot scheme cost me only
So"
'.But where is the 100000 to buy
with?'
Him, dots so. Oh! I remember
now. Ivhas to give my note for one
wear. Dot makes her all satisfactory"
'What else?"
'Vhell, goes in der railroad pees.
ness, | guess"
"HoW?"
''In Mexico. If we build one hun
dred miles of railroad we get two
million acres of land. Dot land vhas
worth $40, 100000, und der income Oh
der road vhas fife millions a year.
Here vhas der figures like some grease.
Dot pointer cost me two tollar."
''Splendid idea, Mr.. Dunder, why
don't you buy the city hall for 500,
600 and sell it back to the city fol
$5OO.OO0?"
"By Sheorge! but dot vhas excellent
It vhas wonder l don't think of dot
before!'
'And, say, you could buy up forty
steamboats, this fall for 5000, 900 apiece
and sell them next spring for double
that money"
''Donder and bitten, but you vhas
sharp man, sergeant! [ doan know
you before. Shake my hand. How
much shall pay you?"
"Oh, that's all right, Mr.. Dunder.
You can always have my advice
free"
'.Und when I make two hoonered
million dollars l gif you der best bank
in Detroit for present. Good-by,
sergeant, see you quicker again when
/ vhas a millionaire. "-Detr0it Free
Press