Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-06-07
JUST WHAT SHE SAID.

She was well known to the reporter;
he had been present at LOO meetings
over which she had presided. He had
reported her speech in all stages of
supplementary incohere3ce and FEM
mime perplexity. but he had always
sifted the bushel of chaff and brought
out the grain of wheat and set it in a
high place. because she was very
good woman, whose husband was
worth something like $500. OOl There
fore. when he saw ner yesterday in the
chair at meeting of the Society for
the Prevention of Cruelty to Mosqui-
toes he was prepared to do his duty
and condense her remarks into felic-
itous little speech. 1t is not to be
wondered at that he felt that it was
somewhat cruel when she accosted
him on sight with:
IL don't see why you newspaper
men can not be relied upon to publish
name right. now and then. In the
last report of our meeting somebody
from your paper spelled our secretary's
name wrong; put an re" on the end
of it, and she was furious. And nv
own remarks were not at all straight.
don't see why l can't be reported
verbatim"
II will do so if you prefer" said
the reporter
Il most certainly do prefer it," she
replied. Il want every word that l
speak.
Every WE'LL" said the reporter,
wondering if he could scrape together
money enough to get out of town if
the verbatim report went into
print. He had commenced to fish
down deep in his pocket for possible
dimes when sharp rap of the mallet
interrupted his search. and the report
er seized his pencil
Ladies'" she began, "will you
please to come to order-Why, how do
you do. Mrs. Squeal? I'm glad to see
you looking SO well after your con-
cert-Waiter. vii! You close the VIM
dow? 1t blows right on Mrs. Brain
ley-Don't move. Mrs. Dryasdust.
He can get back Of your chair
Heavens! how awkward he is! Now,
don't you try to do it. Mrs. Poke
There! Why couldn't he have done it
in the first place-We will now pro-
coed to business-Ah, 1 had not seen
you before. Mrs. Eighty. l hope you
didn't forget to bring in YOU report
this morning. If you did shall scold
AS president of this society l may
scold all please! Now the first bust
ness before the meeting is the discus
sion of-Your husband, Mrs. Veneer,
wanted me to ask you'll met him just
a moment before l came inf you
would go into the drug store-Tve
really forgotten what drug store-ard
ask if he left-weil I've forgotten that.
too, but shall think oft before the
meeting is over. If + shouldn't, re-
mind me of it, please. Now. ladies,
please come to opier-Oh. before we
proceed to business, want to say a
word about similar society that has
recently been organized in Italy. You
know something about it. Mrs. Cad
about, you have just come from Rome.
l think it would be pleasant for Mrs.
Gadabout to tell us something about
it, but not to-day. perhaps, but at our
next meeting. Is it your pleasure,
ladies, that Mrs. Gadabout give us her
impression on this subject? All in
favor please signify it in the usual
manner. 1t is vote. Mrs. Gadabout
can tell you much better than l can,
although l was IN Rome at the
time of its organization, and did what
l could to rescue several mosquitoes
that bloodthirsty wretches were pur-
suing with wet towels and other ini-
quitous instruments of torture. You
were there. Mrs. Softly. when Miss
Wiseacre read her poem To Il Winged
Aerial Band for the benefit of the So
cicty-Boy. bring some chairs up
here-Now. Mrs. Sobersides, won't you
come forward where you will be out of
that dreadful draft? II wonder we
don't all get our death. Now that you
are here, can you tell me if Mrs. Go !
lightly's baby is dead? wonder if it
has the same doctor that Kate had for
little Jessie!-Oh. very sad, indeed. if
Mrs. Veneer. have just recollected |
that it was laundry bill your usband |
wanted you to look for, and believe
now that he wasn't just sure that he
lost it. Now, ladies, will you please
come to order? All. DR.. -Bugbear, we
are very, very glad to see you. We !
want to thank you for your brilliant
effort in our behalf before the Lesisla-
ture. We extend a vote of thanks to
you-do we not, ladies?-for your ex-
ceedingly brave defense of our bill:
Shall mosquitoes be taxcd?' in the
House? Oh. and mustn't forget to
mention that since we met l have re-
ceived a very liberal donation from an
unknown friend. OF course. l know
her name. but she doesn't want it
known Just now. You could easily
guess. Miss E, but there. promised
not to tell! l suppose it will get out.
II