Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1888-07-11
THE CANE 49,, UMBRELLA.
People Should Learn How to Carry
Them on The Street

II have n Scheme,' ne SAID, as ne
a TRIBUNE reporter and
backed him into a corner. There's
mint of money in il, too, and it won't
require much capital have had
before, but none equal TO this
one"
sswhat is it?" asked the reporter.
'sWhat Is ltI' he exclaimed excitedly.
why, sir, it Is a school for the mani
pulatlon of the cane and the umbrella
But perhaps college would be the better
term. Yes; think that would draw
fuller houses"
what do you mean?" queried the
reporter.
schemer impressively. II mean to es-
tablish school TO teach people how to
carry canes and umbrellas on the streets
of city. Did you ever give the sub
ject of carrying canes and umbrellas
any thoughtI"
"a little"
''Wen, how many people should you
say carried them properly?"
About one in n hundred"
''Wrong. entirely wrong" said he OF
the gigantic BRAIN ~ see you have
not been much on the streets on rainy
days. Sir, in this great City of Chicago
about one man in a thousand knows
how TO carry an umbrella or a cane
Now, there goes a man with nice little
walking. stick. See himI Well, watch
him. About every four or five steps he
swings that stick around, doesn't he?
Is that correct? Certainly not. He
keeps people dodging all the time TO
escape getting hit. That would do
well on a country road, but 1t won't do
on the crowded streets of a city. That
man ought to take lessons in the mani
pulation of the cane. lie doesn't know
how TO carry one without incouven-
fencing every one in his immediate
vicinity.
That's the way with them all.
There's another demonstrating some
subject to Il friend. See him? The
one who is emphasizing his remarks by
bringing his cane down on the palm OF
his left handp lie has no thought for
the passers-by; he is excited, and 1t Is
only a question of time-ah, knew
he'd do i'll Pretty nearly knocked that
mans nat off Did you see II? Now,
that man ought not to be allowed to
carry a cane until he has learned how to
handle it. You've had to dodge 'em
yourself, haven't youg"
The reporter admitted that he often
had TO make wide circuits TO avoid the
man with the cane or the man or
woman with the umbrella.
''Of course you do" exclaimed the
schemer volubly. 1--WE all have TO.
And there's one who Is particularly
dangerous. He grasps his stick by the
handle so that 1t points up behind him
at an angle of about 45 degrees. Then,
when be gets under a full head of
steam. lie swings his arm rapidly.
You've seen him, haven't youIn
''He generally catches you under the
chin or in the eye when you're trying
TO pass him, doesn't he?' asked the re-
porter.
THAT'S the man. I'm undecided
about him"
"Undecided?''
YES; Pm not quite sure whether
the Jail or the lunatic asylum Is the
best place for him, But at any rate he
and his cane should be separated.
They make a dangerous combination
1t sheuld be suppressed.
ANY moreI Well, L should say
there were. There's a man across the
street who ought to be confined in an
asylum for feeble-minded umbrella-car-
riers. See with what criminal reck-
lessness he carries his closed umbrella?
He grasps it about the middle, holds it
and swings his arm. That
fellow" and the scheme grew excited
again, Il will warrant To hit four per-
sons to every block he traverSes. Some
times he'll hit the man ahead and some
times the man behind. No one on the
is safe. And when he hits one
he'll look daggers at him for being in
the way; but he won't change the posi-
tiOn of his umbrella, ., mol He'll
carry IL that same way even If he
States in the ribs.
Another fellow much like him Is
the one who carries his umbrella under
his arm with the point sticking out be-
hind. You've seen him lots of times
He stands in the middle OF the side
walk and discusses some business mat
ter with a friend. Just as you pass by
he gets excited and turns so sharply
that the point of his umbrella describes
an arc ending between your third and
fourth ribs. Still another carries his
umbrella over his shoulder. And, by
the way, would you like to see some
one who carries his umbrella or cane
properly?"
Certainly"
"Weil, Just stand here and count.
If you have pretty fair luck the thous-
andth man who passes will have the
point of his umbrella toward the ground
and neither so far ahead nor so far be.
hind as to trouble any one who Is pass
ing him. But watch that it isn't toe
far ahead. You've probably seen the
man who carries his cane or umbrella
point down all right but some distance
in front of him. You've probably got
tripped up by it as you passed by before
| him."
'And how about women?"
20, the proportion is about the same
About one in a thousand carries he
umbrella or parasol properly-that is
as though other people had right to b,
on the street-''
''Well, that's all right" said the re
| porter, ''but," somewhat doubtfully
how do you expect to get them to at
tend your schoolpr
| ''Simply," " he said, confidently; 'sver,
simply. 1 Ipropose to have an ordinance
passed prohibiting people from carrying
canes and umbrellas until they hav,
learned how to handle them"
But will the Council pass such al
ordInance?"
viii it pass itl'' he exclaimed
How can it help it when it is Z
remedy such a crying evilg"
| "How many people," asked the re
porter, ''do you think will be able L
carry canes or umbrellas the first weel
after the ordinance goes into effect?n
II have considered that" he said
thoughtfully, ''but it is a difficult mat
ter TO decide accurately. think tina
ten people in Chicago would be privileg
ed. l won't be certain of that, though
There may be eleven. It's a grea
scheme. 1 expect to make lots c
monev out Of il"