Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1888-12-29
IvANESCENT HUMoR.

A SLOW country-Procrastination.
The sweetest ruler in the world 4 an
Indian begun.
A woOD-cUTrER Is the most chiuuer
individual going.
The bin collector is the man who
makes due investigation.
SoAE editors write q column article
to express two-line thought.
To REMOVE paint-Sit down on it be-
fore it IS dry.-Teras Strings.
In the human race the butcher holds
the steaks Tashington Critic.
The Man in the Moon is doubtless
married to the Maid of Green Cheese.
Time.
WE suppose that the dogs do not
worry their feline acquaintance in Cat
alonia.
A CHINA settle efforts of we'll
meaning hen over bogus egg.-Mer-
chant Trareler.
The brain of the average dude en-
phasizes the saying that there is always
rheum at the top.-Yonkers Gazette.
THERE are 300, 900 persons in North
America keeping bees. The amount of
arnica they keep is not known.-Pitts-
'basrg Chronicle.
A CHICAGO woman recently regis
tered at hotel as Mrs. Blank knee
Blink" French is rapidly becoming
the language OF the hour in Chicago.
Boston Post.
CRITICISM of the umpire is no new
thing. Even Milton felt called upon to
give him this fing-Chaos, umpire sits,
and by decision more embroils the fray.
Boston Transcript
GOTHAM girl-Wasn't it awful! A
FARMER in Nebraska was entombed in q
well for eight days. Col. Kentuck-
My lord! Eight days with nothing to
drink but water.-CdrtOOn.
INDIGNANT engineer (to Italian, who
has refused to get off the track)-What
do you mean by stopping the whole
train? His Trampship-Notta under
stand re whistle what speak English.
Time.
EYES," said the sunburnt man. "Ihad
splendid luck and caught a splendid
string of fish," BEG pardon!" inter-
rupted quiet-faced man, "but what
office are you running for?"-BOston
Transcript.
BAsHFUL youth-Will you take this
chair, Miss Ethel? Miss Ethel-O, no.
1t has no arm. .Bashful youth eagerly
4 shall be, most happv-ah-to sup
ply the deficiency, assure you. And
he did.-Judge.
If there is anything that makes a
thrifty Yankee mad it is to have a
checked sachel, worth, with contents,
about IS, turn up just after he has put
in lost baggage claim for S5O.-Bur-
HnGtOn Free Press.
One of the contributors to the AtId,a-
tic Monthly has written poem on Glib
raltar, in which he very lccessfully
rhymes to-day" with africa" This
is quite the literary sensation of the
hour in Boston.-LJe.
A WRITER on the American Small
Boy in the Home Journal says he has
great deal of aplomb. He has the whole
of it generally, no matter how much
he may be urged to share plum with
his little sister.-Teras SJtiiaJs.
"IF you start on journey" says an
old book of wisdom, "and meet 9. cat,
you should at once turn back" The
book does not say for what purpose you
should turn back, but We suppose it is
to get your gun.-BatrliHgtona Free
Press.
MIs. SAsHER-You're still with your
old command, the Twelfth Artillery,
Colonel? Col. Blenkinsoke-No; since
the last new cherub came up at our
quarters I've been transferred to the
Fourth Infantry. for night duty
Judge.
THEY had been looking at the moon.
II think, George" she said gently,
shat I will go in now; it is getting
late. "Don't go quite yet, darling" he
whispered passionately, "the moon will
be behind cloud in moment. Tar
as SJtiaags!
BOBBY (whispering)-Didn't I hear
Clara tell you, Mr.. Featherly, that she
was SOTTN Dut BIC IedAiS CouAuh give
YOU lock of her hair? Featherly-
Sh, Bobby! er-yes. Bobby-Well,
you just wait a day or two and I'll get
some for you when she's out.-Harper's
Bazaar.
CLARENCE, DEAR" said the girl anx-
iously, "what in the world do you sup
pose papa would say if he knew that
you drank beer? You know how strict
he is. 3" "But he doesn't know it, dar-
ling" responded Clarence, reassur-
ingly; eve both drank together to-day,
and we both drank whisky. Life.
PENSION agent-So you lost your
voice during the war? Applicant-Yes,
sir. Pension agent-Was it through
general exposure. or the result Of an
accident? Applicant-Gin'ral expos
ure. After I'd paid fur my substitoot,
me an Nav used ter sit on the porch
and sing Just Before the Battle.
Mother. Puck.
Miss GERT1E SoFsIGH was going
through the penitentiary with a party
OF visitors and had obtained permission