Idaho semi-weekly world. [volume] (Idaho City, Idaho Territory) 1875-1908, 1888-11-02
HISTORY OF ACHILLES.
a Revised Account OF His Many Conflicts
and His Last I,efeat.

zene, Colonel Homer wrote a poem
called THE Iliadn
Colonel Homer has never received
any royalty on his book owing 10 the
absence OF an international copyright
law.
The hero of this little romance OF
the Colonel's was a military gentleman
named Achilles
/ When he was very small Achilles
mother, who doubtless expected her
son to honor his family by developing
into baseball umpire, wished, with
true motherly forethought, to render
him invulnerable to brickbats and
other persuaders.
So she dipped him into the river
Styx, holding him by the heel. which
section OF his understanding was not
saturated.
We pass over the time spent by
Achilles in going to school, and take
up his life again as he approaches MAN.
hood.
| When the capture OF Troy seemed
Calchas was asked whether or not
that town could be captured, and he
said IL could not unless Achilles as
| sisted.
Achilles mother, still watchful OF
her son, although he was a big boy
now and belonged to the militia, feared
he would be fatally killed If he went
to the cruel war, so she sent him to
the court of King Lycomedes.
Here he wore false hair and hustle,
read Browning's poems, and, in other
ways, masqueraded as girl.
General Ulysses suspected some
trick OF this sort and resorted TO one
himself to lind whether Achilles was
among the maids
He offered choice display OF pres
ents TO them Some selected spring
sonnets, others took carames and
chewing gum, while few enjoyed
Ulysses liberality to the extent OF Sc
Letting dress patterns and jewelry.
But one OF the girls took baseball
outfit.
This girl was Achilles.
The hiding scheme thus proving a
failure and no substitutes being allow
able, Achilles put on his uniform and
sailed for Troy. Soon after his ar
rival he engaged in one of the pro-
foundest sulks ever known.
The magazines OF that day were full
OF war articles on the subject, in
which different theories were pro-
pounded in explanation of Achilles
mnsterly inactivity; but the following
recital may be depended upon as Civ
ing the true inwardness of the bus
mess.
Achilles had eloped with girl
named Briseis, and had taken her with
him to Troy, probably with the inten-
ton Of procuring her u situation in one
OF the laundries for which that town
was famous, and of using her stipend
as beer money.
Another party. named Agamemnon,
who commanded the third army corps.
had also been engaged in the maiden
stenling industry. He had abducted
Chryseius, daughter of one of Apol-
los priests. This Infatuated Apollo,
and he sent an AL pestilence into the
Greek camp, which displayed great
deal OF pernicious activity and refused
to leave until Agamemnon sent the
girl back home.
All would have been serene had the
matter rested here, but Agamemnon
then took Achilles girl to fill the va
cancy, and the latter got mad
A little thing like that annoyed him.
After that Achilles aud Agamemnon
never saluted each other as they
passed by.
Then Achilles refused to participate
IL the war, but sulked in his tent
He did nothing but sulk, and drew
bis pay with unerring precision, until
Trojan named Hector killed Patro-
clus, man who used to go to school
with Achilles and play marbles with
him.
Achilles then thought it was time to
take hand in the fray, to avenge his
friends death.
He did so, and for time carried on
large Wholesale business in Trojan
gore.
After Troy surrendered, Major
Achilles retired into private life and
became postmaster of his town. y
He was brought into prominence,
however, by being shot by French
man named Paris. who drew n bead on
his heel, Achilles only vulnerable spot.
--LVc.