Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-05-05
FULL OF FUN.


"A man died out West the other
day who had been a success in bus-
ness all his life, without advertising.
He was burglar Drift
Twenty-Five bars for a quarter"
is what the sign read But when the
fellow went in to buy them it was not
soap, but music -DansUitle Breeze.
Your recommendations are per-
fectly satisfactory, but II can't hire
you, said Mrs. Quidunc. My last
coachman was much thinner and
you'll never fit islivery coat.
All ever thus from childhoods hour
My oyster soup has been this way,
|, one by one, pick out the shells,
And then / throw them all away.
Detroit Free Press.
-Wfe-"Is it true. hubby, that
alcohol will take stains out of silkP"
Husband-"Y Yes, dear" Wife" We'll,
please breathe on these grease spots,
there's n darling. "-1oUn Topics.
Maud (awakcning suddenly at 5
a. M Mother, there's man trying
to break into the house" Mother
(wearily) Hush, my child; it's your
father; he's afraid to ring the door
bell. y Birmingham Herald.
Nervous wife Ito husband who is
writing) The squeak of that pen is
dreadful, John; what are you writ
ingP" Husband-"A poem" Wife
II don t wonder the pen squeaks. -
Epoch.
"A charming young student OF Gruli
Once tried TO acquire VolapulI;
But it sounded so bad
That her friends called her mad,
And she quit in less than wuk.
-htLlOdukee Sentinel.
Photographer: IF you and your
estimable wife could look trife less
mournful think the picture would be
more satisfactory" Deacon MADDEN
Young man, our son Jacobs in Jail
for hoss-stealin'. This picter's fer him.
Let her go!"-J~dge.
1t is said that Maine clergyman,
a man of great simplicity of character,
told q friend of the difficulty they had
in getting their youngest child to go
TO sleep. Did YOU ever try one of
your sermons on him, Doctor?" asked
the friend jokingly. No" said the
parson, seriously. II never thought
of that" A few days afterward again
meeting his parishioner he said: "Oh,
do you know, l adopted your sugges-
ton of reading ole of my sermons TO
my boy, and it worked like charm"
NJ Y. SIM
-"Spcaking of mushrooms and
toadstools, gentlemen" chimed in
Dumley, "a friend of mine not long
ago gathered quantity of what he
supposed were mushrooms, and took
'em home. His wife cooked 'em, and
the whole family ate heartily of 'em. "
"And did they all die?' inquired the
crowd. very much shocked mo, they
happened to be mushrooms you see, "
replied Dumley, with a PARKWAY look
in his eyes, "but it was narrow es-
cape."-M y SIN.
Omaha Dame-"It would have
just been blessing if you'd heard Mr.
De Sainto lecture last night on THE
Wrongs of Women. >" Husband-"O
it wouldP" Eyes, it would. Mr.. De
Sainte talked beautifully and he said
women had no rights at all; he said
women to-day were as much down
trodden as ever; he said we were mere
slaves, abject slaves. What do yor
think of that?" Il think Mr.. d.
Sainte is unmarried. Omaha World
They are in the shoe store. Mr.
Man has bought for himself pair O
comfortable arctics, and Mrs Man ha
fitted her dainty feet with the sweetes
thing in handsome shoes the artist il
leather could design. How much dc
l owe your asks Mr. Man "Elevel
dollars and quarter" smilingly says
the diplomatic clerk; 1.-TWO dollars TO
the lady shoes and nine and quar-
f ter for your artics, sir" And his sal
airy is raised, for he has gained for tn
house n steadfast customer. BrookLy,
Eagle,