Morning journal and courier., 1888-12-05
EN PAIRS.

They have Fspotato socials' in Kansas. The name may be from the fact that the young folks go there to pare.-Lowell Citi- zen.
 The farmers in central New York have formed an apple trust. This looks as if they were going to try and cramp trade.-Yonkers Statesman.
 Talking about bowling successes, is there anything that holds a shotgun to a ssmelan- choly dog on moonlit nightf"-Burlington Free Press.
 A man may successfully dodge vehicles on Broadway all day lepg and then go home at night and smash his nose against the edge of door.-New York Journal.
 A Pittsburg magistrate refused to grant a trial the other day to man whose ears were unserviceable. He said it was ridiculous to give deaf man hearing.-Pittsburg Chron- icle- Telegraph.
 Telegrams are always regarded by the transmitting companies as confidential The telegrspher therefore becomes a confidence operator, whether he wants to or not-Roch- ester Post-Express.
 After election.-Maud-"W papa, you look all clean and nice." Mamma-'sWel. dear, why shouldn't hea" Maud-"I heard the coachman tell the cook that the boss was in the soup."-The Cartoon.
 Young wife (at balD-"You are improv- ing wonderfully as dancer. Don't you re- member how you used to tear nay dressesa' Young husband-"Y.e-s;I I was not buying lem then. Philadelphia Record,
 "My husband ran behind his ticket" said the wife of one of the victorious candidates, proudly, Cor it wouldn't have been elected. He was the only man strong enough to push it along guess. "-Chicago Tribune
 The reason.-First student-''Pve been up to Prof. -'s room, and do you know he's hardly got bit of furniture in the roomfn Second student-"That's why he sits on our daily themes, suppose. ."-Harvard Lam- poon.
 Citizen (to darky)-Do you know the agent who has control of this corner lot, Samf'
 Sam-Yes, sir, the agent will be heah di- rectly. has charge of the property. (To small boysl-Hi, there, yo' young white trash, stop frowin' mud balls off'n dat co'ner lot. Dat var reel state Is sold by the inch.- New York Sun.
 Experienced tramp-Hello, we're in luck. hear husband and wife quarrelling in this house. I'll wait until he comes out.
 Fresh tramp-What good I'll that doa Experienced tramp-Ill tell him Pm a wanderer over the face of the earth because dollar. Philadelphia Record.
 Westerner Gin New York restaurant)- Cracky. that steaks good. Best ever see. But say, waiter, y'r cook ought to be care- ful about keepin' things clean. Waiter-He is very careful, sir.
 "He is, eh! Look at them dark streaks across that steak. That was never cooked on clean fryin' pan, know. ."-New York Weekly.
 "Oh, Mrs. Watts, you should join our liter ary society,"" "Sheuld Iv' "Yes, indeedl We study and learn so much. Last meeting we took up Carlyle's quarrels with his wife. " It must have been interesting" "very. Next meeting we shall investigate the private life of Goethe and his love affairs, 1T ssHow instructiveI" ''Yes, and we have found out everything about Poe's dissipation and dis reputable conduct, and purpose soon to thor oughly investigate the immoral actions of Voltaire." ''Indeedi" t'Oh, there's nothing like literary society to improve ones cul- turs. You ought to join."-Time.