Bent County register., 1888-10-13

"Yes, my dear" remarked the can.
didate to his wife, as with weary
sigh he removed the wrappers from
large yellow silk pin.cushion with
his initials on 1t, and sent the girl
down stairs with 1892 for the ex>
pressman; "yes, l fully appreciate
the honor that some of the people of
This great and cffervescing Republic
have done me IN nominating me for
30 high an office; but l could wish
that they would be somewhat less
impetuous, as it were, in their method
of expressing their esteem and ad-
miration."
lie here stopped to replace the
cover on the box containing the
twenty-year old rattlesnake that had
been sent him by constituent in
Wyoming an act which he performed
Just In time to prevent the playful
reptile from meandering out and
making light lunch of the baby.
This done, he resumed sadly:
at must, of course, be highly
gratifying to any properly construct
ed candidate to have an enthusiastic
people pouring perfect avalanche,
If may be permitted the expression,
of canes, cigar-cases, underware,
beasts of assorted sizes and colors,
and other useful articles upon him;
he cannot but feel proud to think
that his house is the objective point
of every express wagon in town, and
that people all over this great and
glorious land are sitting up nights
aud ueglecting their business to
make rare and curious articles of
virtue for him. But in time even
thus become monotonous, and"
Here the girl came in to say that
another consignment of yellow dogs
had arrived, and that the expressman
wanted eight dollars more. With a
sigh the candidate produced the
money, and ordered that the dogs be
put down cellar and made as com
Portable as possible.
81 do not mind dogs so much" he
remarked, "but snakes and prairie
wolves seems to me in bad taste,
aud earnestly deprecate-"
"There's man down stairs" in
terrup'ed the girl re-entering the
room, and falling over the twenty
pound brindle cat, which a lady in
Michigan had sent with her regards
and an express bill for twelve dollars,
'and he says that he has just named
his two-hours old baby after you, and
thought he would come round and
let you know. SO that you would not
feel anxious about it."
"This is getting played out" howl
ed the candidate: "I've got no more
money to invest in that way, and
that settles 1t. Give him a spoon
out of the holder, with my regards,
and tell him I'll be round and kiss
the baby as soon as l get time"
"Sayi" remarked his wife with an
imation; "this paper says that a man
named Wellington Hanks, in Keo-
kuk, is making hair-brush for you
composed of 1907 distinct pieces of
wood"
"Great guns?" exclaimed the can
didate: "Who said | wanted q hair
brush? The idea of sending hair
brush to a man without a hair on his
head. l won't have it"
Just then the girl entered, and said
that mule of rare beauty had arriv-
ed from Arizona, and waiting his Or
ders and sixteen dollars.
"Slaughter the beastw cried the
candidate wildly, "and tell the ex-
pressman to go to! Am l to have no
time to think about the tariff and
things. and no money to buy food
with? / can't even get chance to
write my inaugural address; and the
first thing you know it'll be the
fourth of March, and I'll have to
stand up there before perspirlng
multitude and speak piece out of
the American Orator, I won't"
He was interrupted by the en-
trance of boy with an express pack
age, upon which were inscribed the
words GAIL charges prepaid" AS