Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1888-01-13
LEARNING 70 THINK.
What Lct Sir Isaac Newton to !nven. the
Attraction OF i.IlYltat ion.

W Lat Lei SIR isaac NcWion 10 ilNfh. ti.e
Attraction OF tTlvtation.
Sir I-@ac Newton e Newton Center.
:: &c., Va, one OF The greatest think
ors that ever carried Il thinker in his
BOOTLEG. Whateycr he saw he en-
dcavored TO find oct Il cause for ii.
But rs he was thinking all the time he
didn't see 4 great deal. One day, rs
lie was sitting in the garden. oiling up
lis thinker, he saw IN apple fail from
a tree. Most men would have supposed
that it fell of its own accord. but Sir
Isaac had been boy himself long be-
fore founding the Theological semina-
~ which pcrpetuates his name, which,
by the way, is a very easy one 10 spell.
He at once legan 10 wonder what
made the apple fall; some foolish pco-
pie say that he wondered why it d;dn't
fail up instead of down, but that is all
rubbish. Sir Isaac was no fool if he
was philosopher, and he knew that
every thing falls down except wig.
and that false hair.
After pronounced awftcr) much
thought and study upon the subject.
he discovered the cause; he noticed
that apples were more apt to fall down
after school was dismissed than during
study hours. So the next time he went
into the garden he lay low. and when
the apple fell he held his breath until
the cause came swiftly over the fence
to pick up the effect. Sir Isaac collared
the boy, for it was he, and taught him
how easily pain might be produced by
the rapid infringement of common
apple switch upon exposed or only
partially protected portions of the hu-
man form divine. He illustrated his
theory with a few simple experiments
such as boy of ordinary intelligence
could easily comprehend. This valu-
able discovery of Sir Isaac's has been a
great boon to grown-up humanity. 1t
is now universally known that apples
are more apt to fall when there are a
few boys at large in the vicinity than
at any other time, and that apples will
fall for boy. when they might have
defied the laws of gravitation for
months longer. This sublime fact
teaches us that notifications that are
at first artificial are rendered spon-
taneous by hcredity.
This incident of the apple tree, how
ever, had one bad effect upon Sir Isaac.
1t led him to hate boys, and he devot-
ed much of his time to making life a
burden to them. With this revenge
full object in view he invented the at.
traction of gravitation, and by joint
resolution of Congress, which he easily
accomplished by persuading the men,
bers of the House that there was a big
appropriation in it, he got it estab-
lished as q fundamental law of nature,
with jurisdiction over the tides, the
seasons and the movements of the
planets. and many other things which
boys have since been compelled to
learn. So it is that whenever boy
sees an apple he thinks of Sir Isaac
Newton first, and then he thinks Of
some way to get the apple, and by and
by he wonders if he can find the pain.
killer in the dark, and then he thinks
how awful it would be to die there, all
alone, in the night, and then he thinks
if he lives till morning he will give the
rest of his apples TO his little brother,
and thus you see quite train Of
thought is awakened in the boys mind
by Sir Isaac's great discovery.
Sir Isaac never took out patent on
his discovery, but the Bell Telephone
Company claims that the principle is
covered by their invention and tho
patents relating thereto, and if the
courts sustain this claim, rs they prob.
ably win, every time n man picks NJ
any thing that has dropped down. ht
will have to pay the telephone compa
ny a royalty, and every time he ha:
any thing to do with the telephone
company he will drop something
Robert j. Burdettc. ia. Brookiyn Eagle