The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1888-05-10
Sunday Rumatir.

I've De6Q IO0Kln over 4u'pa9e caLa'
log Nv patent medicines an don't see
emmy cure for Sunday rumatiz. Now, I
think that Sunday rumatiz is the wust
kind Nv rumatiz, and I'm 'stonished to
find that nobody haz got out patent fur
Sunday rumatiz remedy. I think 1t is
wun Nv the wust dizeazes that ever rack.
ed a human constitution; an it's awful
here in Southern Calaforny. 1 never
heerd Nv a saloon.keeper that had it,
nor Nv a theater actor but its awful in
the churches. don't think it is cauzed
by the climeight, an it don't appeer to
be affeckted by the weather. Twill men
shun sum Nv its simptums
l. Sunday rumatiz keeps phokes from
goin' to meetin.
Weekday rumatiz wont keep man
from walkin' mile to the post.ori6ce,
an standin' an hour in the line, till biz
turn kums." It won't keep him from
goin' round the corner to "see q man."
an standin haf hour lookin' at him
over the counter. 1t won't keep him
from goin' down Nv rainy day to dun a
man that oze him a quarter. It won't
keep him from climbin' twenty.foot
ladder to chink up a hole in the roof;
nor from stoopin' two hours sittin' out
kabbage.
But when he brakes out with Sunday
rumatiz, its awta. to see how seldum he
can go to meetin'. A very bad attack
Nv Sunday rumatiz won't keep man
from goin' to the lection, nor the theater;
but it kums on awful when the bell
wrings fur church. An it's strange, too,
but bad case nv Sunday rumatiz nearly
always lasts long enuff to keep q man
away from the Wensday-nite prayer
meetin'.
2. Sunday rumatiz keeps phokes from
kneelin' down in time Nv prayer.
Weekday rumatiz won't keep man
from stayin' on his knees an hour look.
in fur lost nickel an he can crawl
under a barn after settin' hen, or guse
nest. But if he haz Sunday rumatiz he
can't kneel down to join the coDgregashun
in prayer. An sumtimes I've seen q
>Woomun all broke out with Sunday
rumatiz. AM notice wimmen hav' it
wus when they have on their best close.
I've seen a woman in ragged dress, an
nv weekday she cud get down on her
knees, an scrub the floor; but when
Sunday kum, an she wus all dressed up,
she had such an awful case Nv Sunday
rums;z she waz just able to bow her he'd
q little when she prayed. Oh, it wuz
awful to see how she wuz a suferin'l
8. Sunday rumatiz Keeps phokes from
epjoyin' religun.
It keeps 'em from pheelin' humble.
Nobody can pheel humble with bad
case Nv Sunday rumatiz. Humility is
about the fust letter in the alfabet Nv
true religun, an it's capitle letter at
that. But Sunday rumatiz il a stranger
to hewmility. 1t keeps 'em from pheel.
in sympathy. When man haz Sunday
rumatiz he haz no sympathy fur poor
sinner at the penitent form. An I
notice when man il sufferin' with
Sunday rumatiz, he don't shake hands
very warm with the preecher. It keeps
'em from bein' soshible. It shuts up the
phountain Nv pheelin', an makes the
poor sufferin' victime pheel very fond Nv
hiz own society.
Now, Messrs. Editurs, do you, or emmy
Nv yore pacific readers, kno Nv emmy
remedy fur this fashionable an unkum.
Portable dizeaze. It's mighty thick here
in suthurn Calaforny, an it stiaens up
the people, an thins out the prayer meet.
in most awfully. It's az kentagus az
the meezles, an az disfgurin' az the
smallpox. I don't beleev "Saint Jacobs
Oil" will do Sunday rumatiz pashents
emmy good. But I do beleev if We cud
have phu dozen cases Nv real, old
fashioned konHuent religion, it wud linn
ber up this Sunday rumatiz amazin'ly.
Yours in kompashun,
"CoUsIN BETsEY."