Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1888-07-20
PEPPER AND SALT.

HAPPINESS Is only relative, anu some
people find that it is distant relative
indeed.
A MISSOURI widow has brought libel
suit against an editor for publishing in
an obituary that the deceased had gone
to happier home.
IT is no wonder that trotting horses
get to be fast, they are so much under
the influence of the bad associations Of
the race track.-Bosto11 Post.
TEA was introduced into England i'm
1887. It is supposed that H was never
introduced, the people are so little ac-
quainted with it.-Bosto1a Bulletin.
HE-I suppose you know, my dear
Miss Mary, that folly is always person.
flied in a woman. She (absently)-Yes,
so it is; probably for men to stoop to.
W1FE-What do you think, John,
about my taking up French? Husband,
(busy with his paper)-A good idea, my
love, if you will only lay down English
OLD lady Tin Pennsylvania Railroad
Station)-I this the car ter Shamokin,
mister? Brakeman-"No, ma'am; if
you want to smoke take the car ahead"
Epoch.
"DoN'r call me tDucky,' john" said
fat bride to her husband. "It's too
suggestive "Why, precious?" Be
cause ducks always waddle, you know"
Hotel Mail.
BACHELOR philosophers have observed
that the first baby generally gets about
ninety-five per cent. Of the parental dis
cipline that is devoted to the whole fam
lily of Northumberland of .Edaca-
ton.
A LADY writing on kissing says that a.
kiss on the forehead denotes reverence.
for the intellect. She doesn't say so,
but a kiss on the back of the neck is a.
proof that the young lady didn't hold
still.-No1ristoU1 Herald.
"WHAT avery promising young man,
Mr.. Blatherby is" said Wilkins to.
Stubbs, as they left political meeting.
eyes," answered Stubbs, che faithfully
promises to settle an account between
us every time we meet, but have never
seen the color of his money as YETI
Judy.
GAS Official Ito collector)-Did YOU
tell Mr.. Hendricks that if his bill is not
paid to-day the gas will be shut off?
Collector-No, sir. Ollicial-Why
not? Collector-Becalse was calling
on his daughter last night until half
past twelve, and I hadn't the check
The Epoch.
"IsEE," observed Mr.. Snaggs, chat
some eminent men think the Garden of
Eden was located in the Mississippi
Valley" "That may be true" replied
Mrs. Snaggs, for the ark rested in the
Southern States" ct did?" "Yes,.
Noah came out of the Arkansaw land,
you know. "-Pittsbat1y Chronicle.
FIRST SPEAKER-Say, fellows, you,
don't know what bore this thing of
wearing glasses is; and I never
have been able to get pair that
suited both my nose and my eyes.
Second Speaker-Well, you can't ex-
pect the ayes and nos to be unanimous
for thing -Harpe,''s Bazar.
A LADY in Albany had parrot 'hat;
suddenly became dumb, and was heart
broken when Polly failed to ask for the
customary cracker. She took the bird
to a doctor, who found that it Lad a
tumor in its throat. An operation rc-
ieved the parrot so that it could again
articulate, and now the neighbors are
threatening to lynch the doctor. -Pech's
San.
A COLLEGE student was invited one
Sunday to occupy the pulpit in little
country church. After what he con-
sidered a mastery effort on the subject
of Lazarus and the Rich Man. he.
called on good old brother to pray,
and was somewhat electrified to hear.
the following: ooh Lord! we thank
thee that we are not like this poor, de-
spised beggar Lazarus that we have
jest ben a-listenin' tot"
CUPID'S INVENTION.