The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1888-08-04
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

"A shoemaker at Atlanta, Ga, lately
completed a pair of shoes that are four
teen inches long, 81 wide and 81 deep.
Tho one-story frame cabin in
which Andrew johnson served his an.
premiership as a tailor is still standing
in Columbia. Tenn.
True it is what ''the good men do
is oft inferred with their BONES" but
it is not frequently necessary to enlarge
the coffin for that purpose. Boston
Post.
"A human subject without collar
bones has been met with in St. Louis
dissecting room. This structure is that
of most of the vertebrates, such as
lions, bears, etc.
-Blobson says that Snagsby is so
rascally that he should think he would
be afraid to count his own money for
fear some of it would be missing when
he got done.-Burlington Free Press.
The man who was kicked out by
his landlord because he couldn't pay
his rent says his experience shows that
three removes are not one-tenth part
as bad as one ''fire. "-JournaE of Edu-
cation.
-Wife-"John. the new maid told
me that you tried to kiss her this morn
ing" Husband-"What! And paid
her dollar to say nothing to you
about it. Discharge her at once.
Such a person is not to be trusted.-N.
Y. San.
-Lambrequin = "There is Brown
crossing the street; let us turn down
here and get out of his way" Robin
son-''What's the matter? Do you owe
him any thing?" Lambrequin-''No;
but he has just got back from weeks
fishing excursion.-LJe.
Rich host Ito poor relation) THE
duck seems to be pretty much all gone,
James. How would you like some of
the dressing?" Poor relation-"That
will do nicely, sir; and if there is any
left you might give me small piece of
the quack. "-Teras Siftings.
Happy man Ito fair widow)-"And
shall we have a rousing wedding, dar-
ling, a fine supper, dancing, music, and
all that sort of thing?" Fair widow
''N-no. think not, John, dear. We
must remember there was funeral in
the house only a short time ago.
The Epoch.
"A married lady declined to tell a
maiden sister any of her troubles, say
ing: "Where ignorance is bliss, It's
folly to be wise" YES" replied the
sister, "and I've come to the conclusion
that when singleness is bliss it's folly
to be wives"
Nothing else is so calculated to
work on mans sympathies as the sight
of a young mans painful effort at I'M
concern while he is scratching his
brow with the hand with which he
would have tipped his hat to young
lady if she hadn't cut him dead
Judge.
Dying benedict--"I bequeath every
dollar to my wife. Have you got that
DOWN." Lawyer-''Yes." Dying bene-
dict-"On condition that she marries
within a year" Lawyer-"But why
insist upon that?" Dying benedict
because want somebody to be sorry
that died. "-Harper'S Bazar
"A man out West fell in dead
faint the other day and the people
thought at first that it was heart dis
ease. Afterward the man recovered,
and it was found that he had sent for
a plumber the day before to do a little
work, and the plumber had come punct-
ually at the time he said he would
SomerUiLe Journal
Mrs. Blunt can't abide that
Smith woman; / believe l actually hate
her." Mr.. Goode-' But, my dear
Mrs. Blunt, you ought not to feel so.
Doesn't the Bible tell us to love our
enemies?" 80, yes, it is all very well
to say love your enemies, but how can
one love them when ones enemies hap
pen to be ones dearest friendsP"-
Boston Transcript.
-''Noh-explosive dynamite?" Well
indeed, Henry, we never heard of such
thing and consequently can't tell
where to find it. But we have no
doubt that should the Government adj
vcrtise for $4,000 pounds of high
proof, double force dynamite for tor
pedoes, some patriotic contractor
would find way of furnishing at
double price kind OF dynamite with
about one-tenth the explosive force OF