Wichita eagle., 1888-03-11
-SSN>NiISaW
Daily Ea9re|
TALE OF TWO FRAUDS.
The Confessions of a Repentant
Ex-Clairvoyant-
How His Prosperous Practice WAS Ru
mod in Rochester - Disgust of
DruGgist-Wrath of a Disappoint-
ed But Vigorous Widow.

reporter, 81 was obliged t. resort to
ciairvoyance to tide me over the most
poverty stricken period of my life. L was
living in Syracuse and had exactly TWEEN
ty silver dollars. ] decided to go to
Rochester and open an Office there as a
clairvoyant physician. Arrived at
Rochester | soon realized the necessity of
a fellow -conspirator in the person of an
obliging druggist. There was pill shop
right under my Office, and the intelligent
toXicologist who ran it had been in the
business long enough to have his con.
science well under control. so | grasped
his itching palm in mine and proceeded
TO unfold my scheme. He was willing &c
be led into temptation on the basis OF
simple "divvy."
I'VE don't want to poison anybody"
said |, $50 you will put up nothing bu:
water. Color it to suit the complexion Of
the patient and charge to suit his bank
account"
Business began well. The clairvoyant
craze was a new fad at the time, but | will
pass the minor details and come at once
to the Widow Blivens. When the late
Mr. Blivens escaped from her to paradise
he was obliged to leave about so 600 be.
hind him. and, though it was all he had,
the relief must have been worth the
money. This poor lone woman stood
about six feet in her fat bottomed shoes,
and she was beamy and square-riggeG
throughout. She settl ed into my Office
chair with a resonant sigh, and, laying
one powerful arm on my desk, said: "pvs
been an invalid for many years." in q
voice that made the chandeli er rattle
''My dear madam" said |, ''your fine
-,rlt 4
eye, but to Us who read what is with in,
your malady is clear" Nevertheless
yearned for a few points on her system
before making out a diagram of her in.
terror.
Doubtless you have pains there"
continued, standing about ten feet away
from her and pointing with finger that
wavered gently over her vast anatomy.
"You have hit it exactly" said she,
laying her hand upon the region of her
stomach. This was enough. / had
located her trouble within a radius of
not more than three feet and was ready
to proceed with the trance. Seating my
self in chair opposite her, L ran my
hands wildly through my hair rolled my
eyes upward, threw my left thumb out of
Joint with a loud snap, and emitted a
table, tapped her ample chest and said:
81 see your left lung"
She appeared to regard this state,
ment as approaching an impropriety and
for moment I feared personal violence,
but with only an instant's pause | pro.
ceeded.
There is bunch on it the size Of
hens egg. Every time yoG breathe il
Sfr yyit Ey.i-n md
it has already raised large blister on
your left ventric'e, and if something isn't
done in a short time it will knock hole
in your larvngial epithalmium and l can
not answer for the result"
'Great Heavens" she cried, sam ! as
bad as that" and she really looked .
thoroughly scared.
Then ! wrote out the usual form, came
out of my trance, and changed her five
dollars. She settled with a Difference
that approached TO reverence. For several
weeks thereafter she was one of my best
patients, and business doomed. But there
was a cloud in the sky. One day Bogus,
the druggist, called, aud from his manner .
knew something was up.
what are you up to with her, any
way" said he Didn't you know that
I've been shining up TO her for the last .
five years. l don't want you to cut me
out of that $4,000. Do you catch the .
idea?"
''Mv dear sir" said |, do you think I
that $50. 600 or $50. coo, 600 wouls induce me .
to marry that ancient giantess. / don'r .
feel safe in the same Office with her. She's .
u bowling cyclone, and though l long for
| don't want a perpetual
earthquake bv my fireside,"
That's just the point of it," said he;
before Won came I was doctoring her my
her pick out patent medicine
by tho color of the wrappers on the bot
ties, and in a genera, way preparing my
self for an early bereavement after I'd
got my grip on the Doodle, but now Won
come along and feed her on water, and,
by thunder, she'll live to be a hundred.
Even if get her rll get too much of her.
This thing won't do"
You can put her up any blamed poison |
you want to-" said /: "my prescription
don't mean any thing, and you know it,
but | won't lose the ten dol ars a week
Pm making ont OF ii. As for NV making
love to her you can set your mind at
rest on that point. Pm not stuck on her
shape"
"Nor | either" said he. "but -"
''Oh, you amt neither of you stuck on
nv shape" said voice, and Mrs. Bliyens
strobe into the room. "I've been listening
to Won outside this door, and I've come in
10 get square,
Bogus went under the table and made
'or the window. but an iron hand grasped
ZACH of US and fl ght was out Of the ques-
ion.
80 you've been deluding poor lone
woman, have you," said she, shaking
3ogus till his false teeth fell out.
"It's all his FAINT" said |, but in an in
tant |, too, was flying about like wind
Mill. Ny head came in violent contact
With Bogus, and for a few minutes all was
drearv whirl of legs, arms and clothing.
heard her shrek out something about
heating an unprotected female. and then
mother bump from Bogus head sent me
nto the only genuine trance that had ever
occurred in the Office. When awoke, the
old, calm moonlight was stealing in
through the window. On the floor Law q
,undle, which | took to be the remains of
}ogus. Silently packed up NV belong
rgs nd stole forth into the night. When
he morning dawned there was q vacancy
n the (, a.rvoyant department OF the med
cal fraternity in Rochester, and since
hat episode Chicago has been good
nough for me.
An Elephants Trick.
a :