The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1888-01-14
SAM HANpWlcH.S PLAN.
Literary Man Proves That 1t is Cheape
TO Move Than to Pay Rent.


writes sensational stories for the news
papers and magazines. Like most
men OF letters, Sam Handwich is poor,
but he never allows that circumstance
to disturb him in the least He gener-
ally manages to get enough to eat,
such as 1t is. and his time is so absorbed
by his literary labors that he has no
opportunity to complain even if he
were disposed to do so, which he is not,
for he is an optinist and philosopher
A few mornings ago, while engaged on
novel for New York literary paper,
there came violent knock at the door.
Come in, said Sam, placidly. Mr..
Walkover, Sans landlord, entered.
He held folded paper in his hand.
Here is the bill for your rent. l
would like to have it paid Immediately,
Mr. Handwich; I've been waiting for
you to pay for some time"
rs it really possible, Mr.. Walkover,
that you expect me to pay actual cash?"
"Well that's just what do expect
It's three months since you have paid
cent of rent, and l am tired of your
way OF doing"
$50 it's three months since / paid
you any rentp Great Scott! How time
fhrr No wonder the ancient Romans
said 1enapus .t1qit. 1t does fmgit, like
the mischief"
Eyes, time passes, but no money
passes between u.s."
That's So" replied Sam, ''if you
have paid me any money during the
last three months it has escaped my
memory. Yes, the past three months
have been fraught with disaster"
Eyes, they have been very sad to
me" said Walkover.
1.-The events of the last few months,
Mr.. Walkover, have been very sad to
everybody. There was that earth
quake in Italy and the south of France.
Good gracious! How much it must
have cost those landlords to repair
their houses! l feel sorry for them.
The wart in the throat of the German
Crown Prince is really alarming.
fear it is a cancer. In our own country
there have been many disasters. That
railroad accident at Cbatsworth, ILL.,,
involving great loss of property and
hundreds"
"Well, that's none of our business.
We are not to blame for the earth
quakes. We are not responsible for the
wart in the Crown Princes throat but
you are responsible for the rent of
these apartments" said Walkover, in
dignantly.
II am surprised, Mr.. Walkover, to
hear you speak in such frivolous man.
ner of those heart-rending disasters,
entailing such untold misfortune on the
human race"
That's all bosh. viii you pay me
my sixty dollars?"
'Is it possible that 1 owe you that
much?"
Eyes, thanks to my weakness, you
have got into it that deep"
''For Gods sake, Mr.. Walkover,
don't call your noble-hearted gener-
osity weakness"
Il want my money; sixty dollars are
not to be found in the street every
day"
Yes, regret to be able to corrobo-
rate that statement" replied Sam with
sigh.
"Do you think that it is fun for me to
do without my money all the time?"
The wise man. Mr.. Walkover--"
"Pays his rent" interrupted Walk
over
How much disappointment land
lords suffer by hugging that deluson
in their bosoms! The really wise man
learns to deny himself luxuries. Follow
my example, and learn to deny your
self"
Deny myself WHAT"
''The sixty dollars chat you are not
going to get from me-"
.All right, Mr.. Sam Handwitch, I'll
strike off the sixty dollars you owe. I'll
make you present of it,"
care you in earnest?"
Eyes, I'll make you present of the
sixty dollars, if"
"Ah! So there is an 'if' about it.
Eyes, l will cancel your debt if you
move out at once"
"Move out!' exclaimed Sam, very
much amazed. "Why in the world
should we part, Mr.. WalkoverP We
have always got along very well to-
gether l have never made any COM
plants about the price of rent. Why
should l want to get rid of you who
have been so kind and considerate?"
"Well, that's cheek ~ calculated
Walkover.
ut is true" continued Sam. "that
the house is very much in need of re-
pairs. 1t ought to have new fence in
front, and it needs painting, and there
is no water in the kitchen, but still l
don't care to move"
"Well, that is gall! Look here, Mr..
Sam Handwich, | will cheerfully lose
the rent you owe me just to get rid of
you. am willing to make almost any
sacrifice to get rid of YOU"
THAT'S very flattering to me. What