Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1888-07-06

''Jonn," said his wife (they wsrs 50
3 sleeping-car berthl. for goodness
sake. wake ttpl" ''Wha-what's the
matter?" You are snoring SO, pso.
pie viii think we're OF the track.
Time, a. m. Mrs. Smith is attlred
in deepest black. Mr.. Smith (enteringl
What do I s-see? nm-mourningf
For WhOm-for which-for WhoP
Mrs. SMITH am in mourning for the
late Mr.. Smith
PatlenU-Doctor, I can't sleep st
night. tumble and toss until morn.
ing. Doctor-Hm, that's bad. Let
me see your tongue. latter diagnOsis):
Physically you are ali right. Perhaps
you worry over that bill you've owed
me for the last two years-Tid- bits
'Why do they cali this place Shark
MOuntain?" asked Laura, after they
had been in the New summer resort
about two weeks; ''there are no
sharks IN the mountains" "NO.'
said Vincent "but there are hotels
there.
The latest ''victim Of tobacco" is
sad case indeed. He is 10 years old,
has smoked Tor sixty years, and re.
Gently he married a woman four wears
his senior. Tobacco smoking affected
his brain.
When you reflect that at picnics 100
years ago it was the custom for the
girls to stand up in row and let the
men kiss them all good by, all the
enthusiasm about national progress
seems to be grave mistake.-Scran.
ton Truth.
Mr.. Somborn-''Pm very glad you
concluded to come again this season,
Miss Elson." Miss Elson-sIs there
any special reason for your Joy after
your experience of last YEAR," AEr.
SombOTn-'Yes. I've joined an anna.
teur dramatic society. and want
you TO help me rehearse that refusal
scene OF ours again. I'm going to play
crushed lover. Judge.
Young Mr.. Freshly Ito his tutor):
"WilI you tell me something OF the
reign of terror? You know all about
1t. believe" Absent minded Pro.
lessor: Reign of terror? Know all
about it? I should say / did. Six
children at my hOuss-oldest nine-
youngest three-and all down with
the whOoping-cOugh judge.
''AIy little boy is wonderfully Do
.ite," said a doting mother, the other
lay. And yet it is recorded OF the
very polite little boy that he left a
ady caller standing ia the hall of his
mothers home one day. while he went
the rounds OF the house and grounds
TntLTVlT q hn ~
Mother, mother, where be YOU?
Where be you, I say? The new minis
ter's wife IS here, and forgot to tell
her you wasn't home. Kingston,
n. Y. Freeman.
"Clara, are you going with me to
the Y. P. S. c. E. this EVENING" "No,
Katy, l. d. II. I. So "What?'' "Idon't
think I shall" ''Whv not?'' "Oh.
Charlie wants me to 90 to the Y. M.
@. A. sOciabie with him, and then he
is going with me to the w. @. T. u.
lectures" "Oh, pooh! 1 think you
are j. A. NJ A. Y. C. B." WHAT"
Just as mean as you can be-
Springfield Union.
They were at the first gate in the
moonlight and he asked her to be his
wife. With Outstretched arms and a
thrObbing heart he awaited her ans.
wer. George" she said, in a ner-
vous whisper, you must give me
must give me time"
Glow lOne?" he hoarselv asked: "a
day, week. a month. year2" mo
no, George and she quickly scan
ned the sky, "Only until the moon
gets behind n cloud. The Epoch
Small boy Ito lady v.sitor): EDO
you live in a glass house?" Lady: "Of
course not. 1 live in brick house.
Why do you ask such a funny oues-
.tOn?" Small boy: You know when
you was here last week, and said Mrs
Blank wasn't any better than she
ought to be2" Lady (wOnderingly):
YES" Small boy: ''Weli, after you
vent away, mamma was talking
about 1t, and said something about
people living in glass houses throwing
rocks, and I thought it was mighty
unny if you lived in a glass house,
cause 1 never saw one in Washing
ton. w shingtOn Critic.