News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-04-05
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
WHAT THE HUMOROUS WRIT
ERs. HAVE TO SAY.
In His Line-In a Newspaper once =
The News Made Her Sick-Toning
it Down-No COst-&c., sc.
IN A NEWSPAPER OFFICE.

DO"n-NO COSJ-cAC., SACs
IN A NEWSPAPER OFFICE.
Telegraph Editor Ito managing editor)
Big flood. Two thousand people
drowned.
Managing Editor-Good. Give it a
head that would frighten saint.
Where's the food
! L. En- China.
NJ. .(crestfallen)-How many did
you say were drowned? .
T. E.-Two thousand.
NJ. E.-Amounts to nothing. Throw
! it away.-Arkansa1o Trapelser. ..-
smE-rRACKED.
He-Do you know, Miss Mable, /
have discovered why my brain is SO act
ive9
She-No, Mr.. Minuswit. What is
your theory?
He-It's because so often start a
train of thought.
| She--Ah, yes! The Limited. It'd
Bits.
Mrs. Babegood-I'm going shopping,
Loisette. Is anything needed for the
hursery2
Loisette-Oui, madame. Leetle Har-
old, vat you call-swallowed hee's
r-r-rattle zis morning. Eet vas re sill
vaire one wiz ze bells, madame. Possee-
bly, you can it match.
THE wAGs.
Some wags were walking around an
agricultural implement store, and they
chanced to see in the rear a dressed hog
hanging by hook in the wall. "What
sort OF an agricultural implement do
you call that" they asked. "That is o
patent combined t-grubber, corn
shelter, apple grinder, gate-hfter, doub-
le-action, back-spring sod-plow; but I
guess you won't want one, for it takes
mighty smart man to manage t.
V0r P0pult.
GIVEN AWAY.
Mrs. Bonneguard (of Montreal, who
is organizing toboggan party)-Would
you invite that Colonel Brown I I'M
derstand he has had quite checkered
career in the States.
Mr.. Bonneguard (who knows the de-
tails)-Not only checkered but striped,
my dear.
HIS LINE.
While travelling in France lately III.
de Lesseps happened to be placed in a
compartment with two commercial
travellers who did not know him. The
two drummers found that he had trav
eled much and fancied that he be-
longed to their fraternity.
"Beg pardon, sir, said one of them
Io11f trsoU vol NJ
man, too2
"We thought so. What is your
ine?"
"Isthmuses, said NJ. de Lesseps.
"Wh-wh-what2' asked the puzzled
81 am introducing ship canals said
de Lesseps
The travellers feared that they had
fallen in with o lunatic, but when de
LeSseps made himself known, they were
much delighted with their distinguished
fellow traveller.
GLORY DEPARTED.
Why should the irit of Boston be proud?
The jewels are borrowed she boasted so loud.
Her Sullivan came from the Emerald Isle,
And her bean from the banks of the Tigris and
Nile.
Chicago Tribune.
observation-disclosures.
Merchant (buying bill of goods of
Chicago drummer)-What is your usual
time, thirty days?
Chicago Drummer (absentmindedly)--
Yes, or ten dollars. 1 always pay the
fne-oh-er I beg pardon; yes, thirty
days or two per cent off for cash.
RIDICULOUS.
Lieut.. Boxer-I'm ordered to Morocco,
Miss Elson. We're likely to have trou
BILE there, you know.
Miss Elson-You must be careful not
to get captured.
Lieut.. Boxer-I'l try not to.
Miss EIson-I would. Just think how
ridiculous you'd look bound in Morocco.
It'd Bits.
IN THE DOMESTIC CIRCLE.
Wife (who doesn't like tobacco
John, I wish you'd have your fue re-
paired.
Husband-Flue repaired. What do
you mean?
Wife-I mean if you had your fue
maybe you wouldn't smoke SO.
- washington CFtttc'
LASTING.
ga new shoe-lasting machine has been
invented" said machinist to his wife |!
as he laid down his paper. "Well,
John, for gracious sake" replied the |
good woman, "get half dozen and let's
try them on the children - Washington
Critic.
OUT WEST.
Editor Ito office boy)-Get brick nrd |
prop up this stove.
'"There isn't brick around"
"There are several. Where are the /.
ones that were hurled through the
window at me last night"
HIS LIABILITIES.
Jones-Jackson has failed, I under
stand, and is under cloud.
Brown-Failed, has hel What are
his liabilities?
Jones-I don't know of any except
the liability of his skipping to Canada
on the first train Washington Critic.
AT OLD POINT.
Kind Old Father did you see my
daughter reading in the pavilion, Mr..
/
Mr.. R.-She wasn't reading when
saw her. She had German author in
her lap, though.
K. o. +. (excitedlyl--What Where's
nv stick? Where is he9 I'll smash his
back if l catch him.
Mr.. R. smiles and EXPLAINS WaSaiag-
0n Critic.
THE LESSER EVIL.
Omaha Wife-Nearly time to clean
house again. =
Husband-Good gracious Let it go
his year, can't you: T.
Impossible
"Well, I'll tell you how to fix it.
Don't clean house: we'll move. ."--Ooaoha
World.
IN SOCIETY.
Nellie-Oh! Hattie, you should have
attended the Paradise german at the
Hotel last night.
Hattie (curiously)-Paradise german ?
Y hat kind of a german is that
Nellie rapturously)-Why, don't you
now? It's one where there are ever so
tany more gentlemen than ladies.
Hattie (tearfully)-How lovely! I'm {
% sorry missed tt Washington C1jtG>.
SHE MIsLEAD THE GERM..N.
Bliss such mortals rarely know
Enraptured DonnerblitZen Hermann. {
As Angelina whispered low !
And Coyly: "HOw | love 4 german.