Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1888-11-03
HAPPY SMILES.
T'r is the police who ma-nip-u-late.-
DuI3LtH Tr0ruOrnDHPr,


DUlllth Pdrdgrdpher.
An Eastern publisher announcas for
fall, "How to Get Husband" We
respectfully suggest that tbs safest
place to get him is by the ear.
GC1DsMITH's love for everything
that's old" wottld have been gratified if
Goldsm til could have lived to read the
humor of the last half of the nineteenth
century.
"How STORMS Are Made" is the sub
iect of learned article in an exchange.
The quickest way f. make them is to
leave YOUR umbrella ct home. dams
tiIc Breeze.
HUSBAND (Uf economical views)-
",That s very becoming bonnet, my
dear" Wife of (sarca site turn)-"Oh,
yes, becoming very old and decrepit."
Washington critic,
ISN'T il little strange that when
ship is loaded she is gen rally web bal
hi'ceds but when n man gets that way
he is petty certain 10 lose his balance?
-IonherS !StdteemdH.
Why women kiss women no one has
ever vet been abe to determine, but it
is generally agreed, we believe, that
men kiss womef heeaus, the women
want them to.-SOmerUt}'c .J0IrHdL
FARMERS wife limping into the
house l-"That brindle COW kicked me,
John, an I'm afraid my leg is broken"
Farmer Cash ding that critter! Is
the milk spill ?"-Terds strings.
MOTHER Ito meddlesome cbild)-Ed-
win if You don't stop putting your fin
gers in that oXalic acid, the first thing
you know you will b. on the way to
heaven. Elder sis.er-Yes, and if you
do go, ittst think, you would never see
your dear mother again !-HdTper'S
Bdgdr.
CUSTOMER do barber)- Shave down,
please, as it makes my face sore to
s1ave against the grain" I'D just as
soon shave down as no." replied the
, loquacious torturer, "but can't find any
| on your grizzly old face. The down on
your face turned to bristles years ago.
/ DanSUiUe Breeze.
Boston must not be trined with:
| Sir Knifton Marmalade, of Wigworth
Hall, Kent, England, Ito Boston hotel
porter Here, m mln, call me hanson
rab Is con hotel porSer kindly but
rmlv)-EXcuse nn, Sir, [ will call
cab for you: but the qualifying word is
pronounced herd:c i'll Boston. -PAch.
He was telling the boys that he had
never been troubled with corns, and he
was an object of envy and admiration
! but this did not las long, for as he
moved away the peculiar joint motion
of his knees betrayed the fact that he
wore patent wooden legs. Acorns do
not grow on basswo3d.-ANantd Con.
| sHt'ttiOH.
"LEp your poem lie kept nine years."
is bit of hdvice that Horace has left
Us. Horace never dreamed how uni
versally his maxim would be adopted.
Tho writer knows scores of people who
have kept their poems twcnty-nine
years. although they have at times
inale frantic efforts to give them to the
world.-Hnpey'H Bazdr.
ODD you save anything out of the
wreck 2" asked the friend. Nothing to
speak Of" replied the honest bankrupt
gloomilv. a lost heavily by my own
folIy." How so?" "Why, l set led like
a fool for 40 cents, and learned the next
dly that the creditors would have been
only too glad to have got 30. | might
Just az we'll as not have made it 20."-
Buudettc.
UNCLE RAsTUs entertaining the min
lister at Sunday dinner VIII yo' arsk
the blessing Mistah Lovejoy? Minister
observation-disclosures me, Brudder
Rastus, but villa III yo' git dem all
chickens? Uncle Rastus (hastily)-I
whitewashad er fence fo' en-, Mistah
Lovejoy, deed / did; dat's homes |!
Minister fcrvently)-Den may de guide
Lo'd, wifi his infinite mercy, sen down
(etc., etc. ).-Ne,c York Sun.
ALFONSO DEBERIoT-You say you are
not suparsti II y Mss Gushington, but
would you dare to he mari ID on Fri
day? Mss Gushington-What! next
Fila WHY, dear Alfonso, you are
50 sudden and 80 unconventional. You
quite misunderstood me. I protest
| didn't propose" THAT'S all right,
Alfonso; you didn't propose as they ISL
ally do, but like it all the same. Yes,
dear, it shall be Friday" Alfonso
swoons. -,SpriHgded Union.
A RHYMELET.
They sat on the pier at CIV, ntidc.
Watching the wavelets come and 60,
And tossed hcoI, with silken line
| Into tho tidelet's Obj and flow.
With Il quick little iorklct, now and then,
Tho dudelet pulled up tishet neat,
AMI took it of from the hooklet sharp,
To lay at the dainty maidless 70 t.
What Il sh lme to torture tho fishlets so!'
| The dainty mai flet ut last exclaimed.
Wore not going to eat them at all, you
nov
think that ought TO be ashamed
| A clou let passed ser the dudelct's brow,
But he said as he threw the tshlct await
You're not to BE- eaten, bat won't you be
| caught?'
And @ answered him quickly: We'll,
not that way"
| Cartoon.