Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-10-06
Full. OF FUN.

"h'o Adpu VIM - wa
pukP' "Why it's the uni
versal language" Minnie = But
who speaks itP" Papa" Nobody"
BinghGmpton Republican.
Restaurant Guest "Whew! The
cook must have dropped her
vinaigretto into the short-cake."
Waiter--T guess you've struck a
strawberry, sab, "-OmahG World.
-"SnagsbH you are presuming
upon my credulity. You never killed
one hundred and fifty rabbits in one
day" "Wilkins. assure you have
not deviated hare from the truth. "
Chicago Tribune.
An Irishman took tho cars at
Boston for Worcester. On jumping
from the cars he remarked that 'ff he
had known he could have made the
Journey in so short q time he would
have walked afootp' ID
--Blenkins says ho thinks he knows
where most of The pins 60 to- He
made the discovery the other night
when he was doing the 'Infant
PATROL in his bare feet.
There is man." he said, "who
you would scarcely think is making
handsome income by his PEN" II
certainly would mol" was the reply;
che looks any thing but literary"
tIlnt In 1Anc. hn l., Il ~,
freak, and writes with his toe" IN
Y Sam
-Countryman Ito furniture dealor)
81 want 10 git bed an a mattress. "
Dcaler-"Yes, sir; spring bed and
spring mattress, I s'pose, sirP" Coun-
tryman-'No; l want that kind that
kin be used all the year around. y
Epoch ....
Haven't you got any more fig
gers in marble?" asked old Mrs Bent
ley of the attendant at the Museum of
Art. mo, mum these are all. Is
there any one you are looking afterP"
YES; l want TO sec the statue of limi-
tations I've heard John road so much
about. "-Judge.
Mistress of the House (to grocer's
boy)-"Tell your employer to send n
boy better dressed next time. Boy
There amt no boy in town better
dressed nor what am. The grocer
dresses me three or four times y day.
and when l gifts home dad gives me n
dressin down too. "-IeGas Sifings.
According to Don't you must
never heed any little accident you
should happen to meet with when out
any where. 1t looks vulgar. When
you unwiSingly sit down upon n lady s
very best bonnet, don't appear con-
cerned, but smile pleasantly and act
as if nothing had happened. Other
wise, it would appear as if you thought
it the only bonnet she had. = It'd Bits.
My little boy is wonderfully po-
litc," said dotng mother the other
day. And yet it is recorded of the
very polite little boy that he left a
lady standing in the hall of his
mothers home one day while he went
the rounds of the house and grounds
yelling at the top of his voice:
Mother. mother. where be youP
Where be you, say? The now min
ster's wife is here and / forgot TO tell
her you wasn't home. Livingston
Freeman
Now, Lizzie, " said rual mother
to her daughter, who was about 10
make her first visit TO the city, when
you git TO your Uncle Johns house
you must keep your eyes open. like
did when was there, So not to make
any mistakes and appear green. And
l tell you now that you mustn't pour
your coffee out into your sasser and
blow it like us d-fashioned folks does
here at home; no, Lizzie. you must
blow it, in the cup And don't cal
pie and pertatoes and such thing:
with your knife; use spoon. I'd be
drstfully 'shamed if l thought you't
make any mistake fore your uncle S
folks. "-Harper.s Bazaar