The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-09-05
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Hard to beat-A wet carpet.
Sic transit-Crossing the ocean.
The cream of society-Ice cream.
A stitch in ones side never seams
good.
A girls eyes" generally has the genu-
inc ring.
Toot terrible-The blast of the ANA
teur cornet player.
Lack Of opportunity to steal is pro-
life case of honesty.
No use before broke-A horse. No
use after broke-A man.
There is some quiet activity but very
little hustle about the dress-reform move
ment.
Definition of a Notwithstanding
for one, enough for two, nothing for
three"
The broker who tries to keep Sin the
swim" has to water his stock to largo
extent.
Coffee is going up and down so much
in the market 1t has good grounds for
being riled.
The cannon is like a fashionable
woman, inasmuch as it is accustomed to
powder and balls.
Single misfortunes seldom come alone,
and the greatest is generally accom-
panied by a still greater.
An electric boat was recently launched
in New York harbor, presumably oil the
Battery. .-Neto Hdotn Neus.
Young physicians are often angry. At
least, they are sometimes found out Of
patients. -NdshUilLe american.
"Dld he eject you" "No. wouldn't
we minded mild treatment of that sort.
He kicked me ut."-MW York Sun.
A woman may refuse to tell her age,
but she cannot conceal her rage. That
speaks for itself.-N0rriStOloR Herald.
Mother-"Come here, child; I'll sew
the buttons ON myself" Fanny-'pd
rather have them sewed on the boot"
One swallow does not make summer
of course not; but one summer makes
an immense amount of swallowing
Picayune.
Suggestion to the theatrical manager
Go to Castle Garden for your Roman
soldiers; a broth of boy ought to make
a good supe.
ldlh uDOuJ tuG ulCduuGsS VI huluOi-
ing a man for $50. We know a small
boy that struck his mother for dime
Neto York SuR.
You can't always judge of the quality
of city's inhabitants by the sample
men" it sends over the country. Pitts
burg Chronicle.
The inventor of the barbed wire fence
got his idea from the autograph OF
Russian Prince travelling in this country.
-Ne,o York S n
Teacher Ito class )-''Why is procrasti-
nation called the thief of timer Boy
lat foot of class)-"Because it takes a
person so long to say it."-LVe.
The milkmaid known in former days,
If plain was not unbearable,
And oftek won the poets praise;
But the milk made now is terriblel
Jacksonville Citizen.
"a man can't be everything; his
lordship Is a man of quality, not of
quantity" said wit OF the third Earl of
Aberdeen on his making a false guam
tity.
A grocer over in Bloomington is sup
posed to be the honestest man in world.
lie chases the flies off the beam of his
scales before he allows them to balance.
Mercury.
The meanest man so far on record
lives in New Haven. His wife asked
him to give her pet, some animal that
would stick by her, and the next even.
ing he brought home leech.
Mrs. Truthseeker-" John, dear, ]
read of them making such lot of fish.
plates for railroad tracks. What kind
of fish do they use therep Mr.. T.
"What kind of fishl Guess it's pike"
-GraPhic.
Jack IIardup (who always forgets to
repay -'I say, old fellow, lend me 81,
will youl l have nothing but large
bill in my pocket Friend (who has
been caught befOre)-"Whose is it, your
tailor'sl'--Lie.
"Deviled crabsl" said the Mortified
waiter at a Lake Chautauqua eating
house. "Oh, dear, moi We couldn't
give you anything of that kind, sirl
Won't you have some angel cake in.
stead p-Chietg0 Tribune.
We are told in a poem that 'the hand
that rocks the cradle is the hand that
rules the world.n This is, no doubt,
pretty sentiment; but the author ought
~ hhN" NAAsAN ehNAs vi HAAN WHICH huA VI
ten rock the cradle with their feet
Mercury.
Nothing else is so calculated to work
on mans Sympathies as the sight of
young mans painful effort at unconcern
while he is scratching his brow with the
hand with which he would have tipped
his hat TO a young lady if she hadn't cut
him dead. -JUdge.
Mamma said a young hdy, "what
would be an appropriate present to give
George. You know we are not engaged
yetW " How long has he been calling
upon your "About two years" " ''Then
l think pretty plain hint will be the
proper thing to give him. - Ms,o York
NeicS.
Such an atfable man l was glad we had met,
For he made a short hour most pleasant
He spoke in a way | shall never forget
On questions concerning the present.
His opinions suited my own TO 4;
1 regretted that brief hours durance
When my coat by the buttons he took, and
he said:
Are you carrying any insuraneeln