The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1888-01-14

y
to be yo' welded wife?"
OFF de laws greable, yes sah!" was the
answer.
"Am yer 'vised, Parhashus, dat she plays de
concertina whilst her mudder plays de wash
bo'd?"
II hearn so, parson, but yo' llyan't blame de
gal fo' habbin' mo- Tub fo moosic dan for
soapsuds."
"Co'se not, Parhashus, but am YER war; oh
lie fac dat she m mem'er oh de Crow Holler
Debatin' sciety an de Krischin Wimmin's
Go's-yer-please Paternity? 9"
"TS hearn rOOmerS er de same, parsOn, but
rs chowder mem'er OBJ de Keyhose Refo'm
club myself, an dem little ippysodes hain't
scar'in' me bit"
"But locker yer, Perhashus, is yer 'quainted
wild de geolergy OBJ de family 'nough ter know
lat all Ter auntsisters on Ter mudder's side
manage ter 'sco'te fO' or fife husban's froo dis
vale er tears befo' dey fotch up wild DER own
allyby?'
II is, parson. got dem fac's in Cremer-
5arter's stiffycat er helt"
can nebbersoebber darfo', widout any fear
Or cOnvulsiOns er de party er de secon' part,
yo' takes dis 'oOman fo' yer spous', hopin' dat
she'll tu'n out better dan de skedyule, but
prayin', all de same, dat eff she tu'ns out wus
lat de Lawd IL glib yo' strenk ter bar de
calamusw
81 does, parson, per bonum publicus, as de
constitution oh de United States say"
The parsoD, turning aside, was heard to
murmur: my, my! Eff I was a mason an
4uired sam ter buiP chuch I'd go ter Par
hashus," then stopping a moment to adjust
MS spectacles for a new trip down their
natural tObOggan slide, addressed himself to
the expectant bride:
"Creamertarter," said he, "does yo' take
Parhashus ter be yo' welded husband,
81 does, parson," she replied.
Ter hab an ter hop de same not'standin
lie fac dat eff he tux dat wig orr yo'd git de
notion yo' wuz marryin' aigplant"
"Notstandin' dat, parson," was the re-
sponse
can eff yo' knowed de trufe dat Parhashus
had been dat egcentrik in his life dat bout de
only place he I'M ierble ter sing Home, Sweet
Home in am de county Jail, would dat tu'n
you f'om de paff er matermony9"
Reckon not, parson."
"But see yer, Creamertarter"- almost
sensational enphasis-"am yo formed er
Parhashus habin' wife an fo' chillen's down
IN PenSycOly? Eha Tell me dat!"
II nebber hearn DAT, parson," was the re-
ply, with just shadow of perturbation, "but
eff his family 'zertz i'm dat away haint it mo-
de duty O. er Krischin ter soove de POI
suff'rerw
"Mebbe yo'm right, Creamertarter," said
the master of ceremonies, with a somewhat
dubious shake Of the head; "mebbe yo'In
right, but femme ak you dis: Does yo' know
dat Parhashus hain't very screwb'lous bout
whose henroos he picks his poultry f'om?"
81 does, parson," came with no little
promptness, "but l alters flowed dat eff I
ebber TUX husban' I'd keep M eye open fo'
good perwider."
With just the least show of disgust the
parson continued: Can not'standin' de TO-
Said bein' SCUM in min an knowing de GER
tainties er life, yo' takes Parhashus ter be yo'
Lo'ful podner, fo' better N wuss, share an
share like, till def parts one or de udder OBJ
yer!"
"Dem's my sentiments, parson," was the
answer.
"'Den," said the parson, as he interlocked
their hands and drew back to avoid the shock
of the kiss he saw them preparing for, ''den,"
said he, II pernounces yer man an wife, an
l mus say, arter all de chances rs CUB yer,
dat yo'm two er de bigges' fools dat de pillow
or my sperience has ebber tuned out de fur
Fers err human natur'. Wade Whipple, in
FTjd RitS