The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-04-20
orr rouNo ro Many.
Drou Decision of an Iiliaois Justice OF
the Peace.

An exchange has the following item
which may seem all right, but 1t viii
get some young fellows head broke
yet:
"An Illinois justice has decided that
courting is public necessity, and
must not be interrupted; therefore, II
n young man wanted TO kiss girl he
might put her father out of the room
first If he liked tor
The publication of the above item
may cause some smart young man tC
do something he will regret. The
lame, sickly-looking father of girl
may come into the parlor some night
and find the warm haired youth on
the sofa with the girl, and when the
old man speaks of it being time to stop
such noncense, the young man, with
/ the above judicial decision in his mind
will tell his prospective father-in-law
/ TO wipe off his chin and go to bed. The
old man will then spit ON his hands
| and grasp the young man by the coun-
! ty seat and tie him up in double bow
knot, and pin scarf on him and
throw him out on the path to the gate,
and then slap the girl across where the
dress is plated, and she will go up
stairs with her hand on her heart, as
it were, and the old man will jump up
and say, "Whoopn'
The young men of this country have
got gall enough about visiting girls in
the evening at their homes, without
filling their heads with any such ideas
in regard to their legal rights. There
are very few fathers who would quiet
~ submit TO being told 10 go away by
a young man with striped necktie
and pants too short Mt the bottom
These sparkers are looked upon by
parents generally as n nuisance, and
often they are right. Ninc-tenths of
the sparkling is done by boys who
havn't got their growth, and they look
so green that it is laughable for old
folks to look mt them. They havn't
generally n second shirt, aud they are
no more qualified to get married than
steer is 10 preach. And yet marry
ing q about the first thing they think
of. \ green boy without dollar, pres
ent or prospective, sparkling a girl reg
ularly and talking about marrying, is
u spectacle for gods and man. He
should be reasoned with, and If he
does not quit it until he is able To sup
port a wife, or know who he loves, and
the difference between love and pas
sion, he should be quarantined or put
in n convent erected on purpose for
such cases. Nine-tenths of the unhap-
py marriages are the result of green,
human calves being allowed to run at
large in the society pasture without
any poles on them. They marry and
have children before they do mustach-
es; they are fathers of twins before
they are proprietors Of two pairs of
pants, and the little girls they marry
are old women before they are twenty
years old. Occasionly one Of these gos-
ling marriages turns out all right but
il is a clear case of luck. If there was
a law ngain t young galoots sparkling
and marrying before they have their
teeth cut, we suppose the little cusses
would evade it in some way, but there
ought to be a sentiment against it 1t
is time enough for these bantaIns to
think of finding n pullet when they
have raised money enough by their
own work TO buy bundle Of laths to
build hen house. But they see a girl
who looks cunning, and they are afraid
there is not going TO be girls enough to
so around, and then they begin to get
in their work real spry; and before they
are aware Of the sanetiiy of the mar
riage rel alton they are hitched for life,
and before they own cook stove or n
bedstead they have to get up in the
night, and go after the doctor, so fright
eued that they run themselves out Of
breath and abuse the doctor because he
does not run too; anG when the doctor
gets there he finds that the r e
is not linen enough in tn e
house to wrap up doll baby 1t is
about this time that young man be-
gins to realize that he has been a coles
sal fool, and he flies rapidly around to
heat water, and bring in q bath tub,
and goes whooping after his mother
or her mother, he turns pale around the
gills, his hair turns red in a single
night, and he calls high heaven to wit
ness that if he lives till morning,
which he has doubts about, he will
turn over new leaf and never get
married a0ain till he is older