News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-03-15
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
HUMOROUS NOTES FROM THE
FRESHEST SOURCES.

HU MOROUS NOIES FROM 1hE
FRESHEST SOURCES.
1t Was Leap Year.-Why She
BIushed.-He Feared It.-Accept-
ing the Situation, Etc, Etc.
Robert Cwho was at the office very
late last night)-My dear, have you seen
anything of my boots2
She (sweetly Yves, love, they are
down here on the hat rack.
PRETENDING.
AS a small boy was watering his
''horse" Ga chair out of an empty cup
his mother suggested that she should
get him some "truly" water.
ooh, no, " he a4id. with fine sense OF
dramatic unity, oh, no;a puhtenoln
horse must drink puhtendin' water.
THE EUROPEAN SITUATION.
Foreion Premier-Your Majesty, the
people are grumbling about the military
taxes.
The King-What children the people
are! They ought to know that the army
cannot live on less it does.
"They know that, sire, but they say
the army can be reduced. They want u
reduced one-ha I, if not more.
every we'll. Declare war"
WINTER.
A city girl, writing to her cousin in the
countrv. said she thought it might be
nice enough on farm in summertime,
but she didn't imagine it was very pleas
ant in the Winter time when they had
to harvest the winter wheat and PICK
the winter apples.-Sprsn2tesd Iete-
graph.
LEAP YEAR.
She sat idly warching the empty oys--
ter shells on her plate, while he tlnlshed
the last morsel of cracker within his
reach. =,
sMr. Sampson" said she, with a
little blush, ''do you think that young
ladies are justified in taking advantage
of their leap year privileges"
His heart gave one great saddle rock
bound, for she was rich and he was poor,
and he loved her with that mad passion
SO common to this condition Of society.
He fervently assured her that he did.
"Then, Mr.. Sampson, she said, shy
ly, "Ithink would like dozen more
on the shell.
THE GoosE-BRIDE's s LATEST.
Goose-Bride-Why, Charlie, the CO.
nary is dead
He-What did you give it to eat1
Goose Bride-Same as we had; corned
beef, cabbage, and English mustard
It'd Bits.
PERFECTLY LF-PossEssEp.
Stranger-Oh, yes:
Passenger-Knowe exactly what to do;
never lose your heada
Stranger-I should say not. Why
can change cars OF Buffalo without get
ing on the wrong train.-IrOy Press.
NO CAUSE FOR WORRY.
They were in the parlor, occupying
one chair with but a single thought
They had discu@4d the tariff, the Irish
question, the eShing, the opera, the
weather, and Other important topics till
conversation wAz- about tagged out
After long pause:
''Ducky!"
"Whattyl"
''Do you think am making any pro
! gress in courting?''
''Well, l should say you were holding
your own.''
Tableau.-Sprtnqield Union.
HAPPY.
Friend-I hear that you have married
lately. Benedict-Yes, I am married
man. "Allow me to congratulate yor
on the happy event" s'Thank you
Ny wife is modest little woman" 81
should infer so from her choice of hus
band. ."-Teras Sttings.
BORROWING
Wife-I declare I am almost ashamed
to go to church with this hat on. 1t i:
not at all the style.
Husband-Is this Bridget's Sunday
out?
Wife-No.
Husband-Why don't you borrow
hers?
GOOD INDICATIONS.
Mrs. Penn-Has Miss Leepyer pro
posed yet, Pisastratus
Pisastratus-No, mamma, but think
her intentions are honorable.
Mrs Penn-Why?
Pisastratus-She asked me last night
how I was on making fires. - Philadelphia
Call.
Grocery yStore-Hard- faced grocer and
poor chore boy.
Grinder-I suppose you feel pretty
tired, Tommy, after putting in that
coal!
Tommy-Yes, sir.
Grinder-Well, if you want to have a
little fun now, you can shovel the snow
off the sidewalk.-Lits.
PRIDE VERSUS SHAME.
Minister (to little boy with basket of
fish)-Little boy, aren't you ashamed to
go fishing on the Sabbath day2
Little boy Qifting the cover of the
basket with conscious pride): Ashamed ?
Look at them !-7fd-bits.
KNOWS HIS PLACE.
Woman Ito tramp, to whom she has
given some cold potatoes)-If you like
you kin stcpf Unto TIC. Sowshed while
you're eatin them taters; it's rainin' SO
hard.
Tramp-Thanks, ma'am, but I'm no
dude.
NO DANGER.
''Ride in the horse -carsl Do you7
should think you'd be afraid of catch
ing cold"
"Oh, there's no danger. Our horse
cars don't go fast enough for one to
catch anything '-BOston transcript.
NO TIME TO TALK ROOKS
Book Agent 0o little boy)-Sonny, is
your ma in2
Little Boy-Yes, she's in; but guess
you don't want to talk literachure to her
now.
Book Agent-Why not
Little Boy-'Cause dinners been
ready half an hour, an pa amt home
yit.
Hasty departure of agent.
JUST INDIGNATION,
(Jack has left one of those extremely
English walking sticks too near the par
rot.)
Parrot (hysterically) Johnnie, get
yer gun, get yer gun, get yer gun
WHAT HE FEARED.
But, George" said the young lady,
III you would state the case to papa as
fully as you have to me think he would
consent to our union. He conld help
you, you know. With that patent clothes
rack OF yours, the whole country for
tleld, and papa at your back
Its your papa Mt my back that am