St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-03-18

SG,ESE works out difficult
az problems in mathe-
o. MATES by means of
No. Q hexagon pencil, frequently moist
ened by touching its point on the SOFT
palate: otherwise you cannot be per-
mitted to purchase. The alarming fire.
uuency of noisy martS of trade, the ire
mendous multiplicity of busy haunts OF
men, to say nothing OF the vortex OF
traffic and the hum and buzz OF industry
the vortex itself frequent occupying
whole block. and the mart, hum or DuzZ
very often extending even further IMAM
that-all unite to throw the buyer ana
the seller together with loud report IN
New York. The result is that the small
buyer who goes where he can get. the
best prices goes home with his front
teeth in his vest pocket.an it takes nm
two weeks to get back the ear which he
left hanging Oh the elevators just before
the holidays. Of course, he gets otnef
ears. but when a man has become at
tached to both of his ears he hates 10
separate them OF see them rudely Torn
apart. He cannot be content with the
ears of others. Men take pride in ears
with freckleS and side-whiSkerS on them
sometimes, and refuse to accept the
Waxen, beautiful but bcardless ears OF
people who have had greater social adj
yantageS.
But started out in my poor, weak
way to speak of the matter of shopping.
have shopped in New York and also i'll
The West. In New York | did not en-
Joy it. In fact, | rarely shop in New
York. preferring to go to an interior
tOwn, where goods are marked low and
The cracker barrel is within reach OF all:
went into a large and teeming mart OF
trade and frill emporium on Twenty
third street one hot day last summer to
bllg q pair of suSpenderS. | did not
wish to buy them because was vain. 1t
was not with the idea Of emphasizing
the great gulf between myself and those
who had been denied SuSpenderS. 1T
vas as a plain American citizen who de-
sired to submit to the harsh demands OF
false but memorable dollhouse air OF
metropolitan society law, that J went in
at the side door of that place. | did not
Vaunt. was not putfed up. l did not
behave myself in an uneasy manner. L
lid not intend to give the goods public
recognition through the press. ! did
not intend to wear them on the OutSlde.'
My idea was simply to go in quietly. Sc
ect Young woman who was worthy OF
my confidence, call her away from the
Vulgar herd and tell her that l had
yielded to the false and cruel customs OF
sn-curSed metropois-that | had de-
cided to adopt the etfeminate and artl-
fetal manners of civilization, and would
like to see pair of red Suspenders with
blue ends.
In former years / had bought goods of
Gen. Worth, at Laramie City, who kept
general store, a hotel, and a'clear-eyed
.1,Il al i'm Tho Opnnr1I
played chess and cOlored his whiskers.
He did almost everything except keep
store, run hotel OF extract people from
his bull dog. In this way customers got
into the habit of waiting Oh themselves
and making a memorandum Of it in the
bright crisp atmosphere. Gen. Worth
had been masculine saleslady in New
York when he was young. and so when
anybody came in and spoke about buy
ing anything he began to regard him
with suspicion and treat him shame
fully, and try to ''Sick' the dog on him !;
but after while he would run out of
profanity and resume his chess and beg
people TO wait on themselves and not
come in there right in the middle of the
day, when they knew very we'll that he
was playing chess and couldn't get
away. So we all got into the habit of
waiting Oh ourselves, and | acquired no
tons of credit which in New York do
1ot obtain.
Invent into the great surging Twenty
third street convention of good clothes,
q lone man, born on the breast Of big
tide of humanity of an entirely and dia-
metrically different sex from my own. |
tried to go out, but large and prosper
n,1e, In1Hy in h1a.ly Sattn- and Uai rhiI1 p
much more than she looked to, stood on
one of my feet as if to call'my attention
to something. remained there until
another woman came to relieve her by
standing on my other foot. The crowd
did not thin out for q long time, neither
did that fat party who stood on my foot,
but finally got a chance to move up to
the counter, where tired young
woman was looking dreamily over the
heads of the Seething mass, while row
of customers jabbed at her with their
parasols.
/ bode my time.
When the delegations from the valley
Of the Harlem and beyond Brooklyn and
Dver against Hoboken and farther Gil
gal, and the forests of Philadelphia and
Fort Lee, and them that dwell in the
Dutermost parts of Steen Hundred and
Steenty-Steenth street, and in the habi-
tation of Murray hlf, and the jewellers
I'm the flats of the money-changers, and
Them that live over against Tompkins-
vile, and West Orange, and Pepsin, o.,
and KabuSh, and Canada had .thinned
out little, beckoned to the saleslady
to put her ear over towards ME, as de-
sired to express thought. She leaned
towards me in reserved way which
tickled my nose with the rim of her
high, intellectual ear. said to her that
had been waiting a good while, as
there were so many others ahead of me,
but if the occasion now seemed ripe |
wished she would show me her suspend
BIS.
Those were my exact words, and yet
the papers the next day not only gave a
garbled and erroneous account OF it, but
misspelled my name twice.
Thus it came to pass that the only
lime l ever tried to buy anything in
New York, when had the money to dc
1t with, / met with repulse
that cannot yet fully understand. In
brying to explain it to the authorities
IfterWard | spoke of my earnest desire
10 devote my future life to the use OF
Suspen6ers and other refined influences,
but they said that surely1 knew better
than to try to get suspenders at the cor.
get counter on the first floor, when
Everybody knew that the suspender de-
partment was up seven floors. back OF
The restaurant and on the left of the
wooden ware department, In charge OF
nm elderly man, with thick-set, rec
Donegals and heavily embossed nose
Rather than to admit that didn't know
New York Intimately, from Castle Gar
den to 8 o'clock a. M, / settled the mat
ter and got pair of good suspenders Of
, man who does quiet business
On the sidewalk, at the corner
of Fulton street and Broadway
believe, unless he has moved his
store up to Park Row. . He did not show
that air of reluctance and extreme an
guish over being separated from hi:
suspenders which we notice in the large
dealer. 1 paid him 40 cents for the pail
/ got of him, and was told afterward,