The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1888-02-09
manitouoe pilot.
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 9.
WIT AND HUMOR.

/NNJS-
The baker thinks it's all right to
sponge his living.-Duluth Para
grapher.
They call the connubial tie bow-knot
in Chicago, because it pulls out Sc
easily.-Lfe.
The voice of dog on a raft at sea
is very apt to be bark in Distress
Ne'0 Orleans Picayune.
Funny enough the fellow that gets
of his base never gets onto the even
tenor of his way.-DuLuth Paragraph
er.
Next summer the Concord School of
Philosophy will discuss whether man
shall have his beard or his face shaved.
New Orleans Pcayune.
There is man in New York who
has been angry for thirty years on a
stretch. 1t IS the worse case of stand
ing choler that we ever knew.-Ieras
Sytings.
A correspondent asks "if it was
really true that Job was troubled with
boils." There can be no doubt that he
was if he had acknowledgement Re
publican.
Michigan makes more shingles than
other states in the Union, but curious
ly enough, it has no more than the
usual percentage of good boys.-Bur-
lington Free Press.
1t is easy enough to pay fifteen cents
drink for whisky; but when it comes
to buying shoes for the baby, and that
sort of thing, it beats all how the
money slips away.-Puck.
Mrs. Chargeitplease-Good morn
ing, Mr.. Tapemeasure. l should like
to see something in the way of small
check. Mr.. Tapemeasure fervently)
So should I-DetroU Free Press.
A strange thing: Jones-Strange
thing, Mirandy; every time you draw
breath somebody dies. Mrs. Jones
Well, amt doing to stop breathin Q
on that account.-1eras Sytings.
A hole in the ground and smell OF
gas sold for $4,000 in Ohio the other
day. The hole was found to be all
right, but the smell of gas disappeared
with the owner of the land.-Detroit
Free Press.
The Family Buttonhole Attach
ment" is being extensively advertised,
and it comes across the sedge-grass of
the average mind that something new
has been invented for baby's mouth
Ttd-BitS.
McKenzie-'What a delightful thing
It would be if some one would invent
1 new figure for the german" Miss
Laker from OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
it? They're so awfully stout, as a
race. "-Judge.
Wife Ito unhappy husband)-I
wouldn't worry, John; it doesn't do
my good to borrow trouble? Hus-
band-Borrow troubleP Great Caesar,
my dear, l amt borrowing trouble.
I've got it to lend.-Epoch.
A kind-hearted pugilist.-A-These
pugilists are a brutal, unfeeling set.
They have no feeling for anybody. B
They may be brutal, but they are not
unfeeling. Kilrain felt for Smith with
both hands.-TeraS SJtings.
A match vender entered butcher
shop, when the following brief dia-
logue was heard: Vender-"Hello,
Chops! How's your liver to-day?"
Chops-"Three cents pound. Hows
your ights?"- Citizen.
DR.. Bigbill-You may thank your
stars, sir, that physicians in these
days don't bleed patients afflicted with
your malady as they used to. Patient
(dubiously)-Tm not sure that they
don't, doctor. Detroit Free Press.
Forgotten something: Waiter (hold-
ing out his hand in a meaning sort of
way)-Havent you forgotten some
thing, sir? Departing guest GRASP
ing hand and shaking it heartily
Good-by-good-by!-NeaO York San.
A concise reason: Inquiring farmer
What Use Ike ter know, yo' onery
child, is how yo's able ter smoak
cigars when yo' ole ladder kin only
smoak his pipeP" Forward SON
Use amt got no chin to support.
Judge.
Irate passenger on cable-car-
Conductor, there are fifty-fve people
on this car" "Fifty-five:
Thank you" Stops the car at stree,
corner. Now then, hurry up. Room
for fifteen more people on this car
Kansas CITY Times.
YES" said the Chicago man,
''literature's on the grand boom out
our way. We've just caught onto your
man Stockton, and we've got two OF
three literary societies discussing the
question:: Which was it. the Monkey
or the Parrot" -Puck.
Friend-Don't go on so. All the
crying you do won't bring your hus-
band back to life again. Widow
(for the fifth time)-I know it, but
can't help crying. That's the way
| am. The least little thing upsets me.
Boo-hoo!-Ieras Sytinos.
A trife unreasonable: Countrvman
(to waiter)-What kind o. fish have
you got, mister? Waiter-Dere's
whitehall, sab. CONFERENCE.-The
baitP j don't want no bait of any
color. Dye expect Teller to ketcl
his own fish?-NeW YORK. San.
An exemplary young man: Miss
Gotham-Have you visited any of the
art galleries since you have been in
town, Mr.. Wabashp Mr.. Wabash Col
Chieago)-Two or three only. For the
last year, Miss Gotham I've been
drinking very little. -Net0 York San.
You don't quite seem to like the
picture" the artist said meekly. 81
wasn't quite satisfied with it myself
A little lacking in distance, ISM
it?" ''Ya-as,' growled the critic
Il guess that's what's the matter
Bout five miles would help it heap.
Puck.
Full soon the maid with glowing
hair, filled with intentions fiery, vii
start to write long essays on the page:
of her diary; and having written for {
week her tale of good and evil, sh,
will consign that useful book to one
we call the Devil.-Ne6raSka Stat
Journal
In looking over yesterday morning.
paper we observe that a good man,
is appear where there should bt
rs. This may lead to the erroneou:
impression that the poet Bjorsen ha:
been contributing to this naner Sucl