Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1888-12-13
larlntnt1t Chronicle.
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 10, 1888.
THE ROMSERS AT CHURCH.


at s o'clock, when l give him dig and
remark:
"Come, Mr.. Bowser, we are going to
church this morning"
After about dozen digs l got him
out of bed, and in due time we have
breakfast. After that the performance
begins. As the curtain goes up Mr..
Bowser is heard saying:
"I'd like to know what paticular ben
eft we get from sitting in church for an
hour and half and listening to a dry
old sermon"
swell, we must 60 for example"
Example? Who knows whether we
go to church or stay at homer"
Everybody knows, Mr.. Bowser. We
are in neighborhood of churchgoers,
and we shall be set down as beathens if
we don't 60"
81 might listen to forty thousand such
sermons as we hear and not be an iota
better, but L suppose 1 must be dragged
off. Have 1 got clean shirt?"
'sOf course you have-fve or six of
them. Go right up and dress yourself"
He proceeds very slowly up stairs,
muttering as he goes, and in about a
minute calls over the banister:
"If there's anybody in Detroit who
can find my shirts I'll give him twen-
ty dollar bill.''
eThey are in the lower drawer of your
bureau"
''Oh, they are. What did you tell me
to look in the chest for?"
From the interval of silence that en-
sues it is fair to presume that MIR. Bow
ser makes discovery. There are five
shirts in the drawer, all alike as to clean
illness, but he lays the five out on the
floor and makes a selection. When he
has done this, he calls out:
"Have you given my shirt buttons
away again?"
Inever gave any of your shirt but
tons away"
"Then where are they?"
"In the shirt you have on, of course.
You never had but one set"
"Oh, didn't Some men have set
for every day in the year, l supposed"
There is another interval of silence,
during which he is supposed to get into
the shirt, but it is presently broken by:
'Where's my Sunday pantaloOns?"
changing up in the clothes press"
"They are not there! I've looked the
blamed thing over forty times"
'On the first hook at the right of the
door"
sWhat did you go and move them off
the first hook to the left of the door for?
Hereafter 1 want you to let my clothes
alone"
| have about three minues rest and
then Mr.. Bowser inquiries:
"Is there any such thing as collar in
this house, or have all of mine been tax
en- for for dish-cloths and mop-rags?"
"Your collars are in with your shirts.
1t is strange how helpless some men
are"
There is a silence for about five min
utes this time. Then Mr.. Bowser comes
down stairs with one end of his collar
buttoned, his hair standing up and his
eyes having dangerous look.
''Mrs. Bowser, do you pretend this is one
of my collGrs?" he huskily demands.
s'Certainly it is. Anything wrong?"
"Wrong? Why, the internal thing
won't go half round my neck! I'll be
hanged if this isn't the worst run house
in Michiganw
I button his callar. 1t buttons very
easily and he goes back up stairs to put
on his neck tie and vest and call out:
"How much did that secondhand
man give you for my coat?"
81 haven't sold any coat"
"You must haveI 1 can't find my
Sunday coat anywhere up here. Itisn't
down in the basement, is it?''
Igo up, and his coat is lying across a
chair, right where he flung it.
sit will be the last time got to church
for year, and you chalk that down."
he growled as 1 descend to finish my
dressing
By 10 o'clock Mr.. Bowser is dressed
and down stairs. Then he discovers
that his shoes want shine and his hat
and overcoat brushed, and after pulling
the right shoe on the left foot, he mild
ly observes:
"Church! Church, Don't you say
church to me againI"
By and by he discovers that he is
minus handkerchief and gloves, and,
after going up stairs and hunting around,
he calls out:
'Did the young 'un swallow all the |
handkerchiefs in the house?"
mo, dear, you will find clean one in |
your hip pocket"
"Why didn't you say so at first?"
"You didn't ask"
'Well my gloves are gone"
"They are in your coal tail pocket"
Glnr
stairs and never said word. 1 sup
pose now I'll have to wait half an hour
for your"
"No, dear; I'm all ready. 1 had to
stop to tell the cook about those ducks
and to feed the baby and to fix button
on my shoe. But I'm all ready"
"It's the last time 1 fool around like
this. Therel my burned old watch is
stopped"
"Neyer mind the watch. Let's be 60
ing"
"And believe I've busted my sus-
penders."
L get him started, however. He growls
all the way to church, scowls at the min
lister throughout the sermon, and it is
only after the service is out that he
says to me as we walk homeward:
'Mrs. Bowser, wish you would re-
form in one matter. Look at the num-
ber of people out at church to-day, and
then think how they would estimate us
if we stayed at home. Ihopeto see you
a little more enthusiastic about getting
out to services"
"Why, dear, I'm always ready to CO."
"Then prove it by your actions. It's
a duty we owe to the neighborhood and
to ourselves, and if l can't get you start
ed without such fuss as you made this
morning shall go alone hereafter"
A SAFE INVESTMENT.