The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-04-04
ENvoI.
the days that ono
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


Beats awl-shoe machinery.
A gang of desperadoes is preying
band.
Dispensers of CHARITY are permitted to
carry aims.
That would be weak enterprise which
could not stand loan.
The spook of the Haunted Tavern
must have bee an inn-specter
1t was the lady you thought she was
going to swoon who had faint sus-
picion.
A Paris paper says 'fhe people Of st.
Louis, D. t. are dying of disease called
the billiards."
While some ladies desire only the
latest novelties in ribbons, there are
others who prefer those Of moirs
antique pattern.
The Transcript speaks of the turtle as
taking leading part at dinners" We
thought he generally appeared as a supe.
Boston ButletiR.
"Ah, yes," said cabinet maker to a
crockery dealer, to whom ne was intro
duced-'ah, yes, you sell tea sets, and
I sell settees. - Graphic.
A labor writer asks: ''Wbat luxury
can the common ditch-digger claim as
his ownN Dear man, he can take his
pick. k.-Binghdmpton Republican.
English traveller (out West)-"What
is the population of Pistol1lle2p Native
-"Oh, about four hundred in the morn
ing, on an average, and twenty to
twenty-five at night. p Graphite.
Fair Critic 81 think that little spot
there -Pointing.) Artist (alarmed)-
"Pardon me, but you must not touch
the picturew Fair Critic-"Oh, it
doesn't matter; I have got my gloves
onln
A serious accident occurred in an up
town house the other night by a mis-
placed switch. The owners husband
stepped upon it and ran hairpin into
his foot to the depth of an inch. MOI ris-l
toton Herald.
As the act-drop fell Mrs. Galatine
fixed her eyes on it and studied it Curl
ously. "You seem to be enjoying the
drop, " remarked her husband. 81 am"
'Well, l think I'll enjoy one myself"
And he stole softly out.-Tid Bits.
Mistress-"Annal Whatever has be-
~ShAS Va eAA 1Ohi
''You see, ma ,.,l,, II, the regiment has left
our town, and so l have mad TO efvSTt'
lock of my hair to several of my ac-
acquaintances. Flisgende Blaetter.
Stranger Ito boy)-"Boy, can you di-
rect me to the nearest bank2' Boy
81 kin fer twenty fl cents.n Stranger =
''Twenty-iive cents Isn't that hiph pay9
Boy-"Yes, sir, but it's bank directors
what gifts high pay. "-Neio York Sun.
The prairies vast we used to deem best.
We thought 'twould be bliss to live out in
the West
But when storms knocked us endways, with
whir and whiz,
We really believed there was more blizzard
than bliss.
A Kansas City woman saw Booth and
Barrett play "Othello in that city and
was asked which actor pleased her most.
Well, | hardly know" she said. after
due deliberation; 81 liked one bout as
well as the other. They were both lust
as eunnin' as they could be. ."-Graphic.
Waiter Ito customer) -"Ain't de soup
all right, sahf" Customer (dubiously)-
"Ye-es, it tastes all right; but l am
barber, and wish you would ask the
chef if he doesn't want bottle of my
Egyptian Tonsorial Elixir; it prevents
the hair from falling out. n-PAiladeypAia
Gall.
1t is interesting to trace the evolution
of words and expressions. Cultured
people say chow do you doln Those
whR are less precise say 'howdy doYn
GDshe backwoods of Tennessee they saw
Nhowdy9" The noble red man of the
West says "howW While the cat on the
fence says "ow9"
The careless use of the editorial s'we's
frequently gets newspapers into trouble,
and the use of the word ''wen TO repre-
sent the people of the whole country Is
sometimes as fatal-at least this is prob
ably the opinion of the editor OF the
Springfield Union, who recently said:
"We ate 8, 100, 600 bags of peanuts last
year. "-R1chester POit-Espress.
Returned Missionary natives of
rank have coins suspended from their
noses and ears. - g But with the crude in
struments you say they have don't SEQ
how they can punch holes through the
coins" - The holes are already punched.
You see, most OF the coins come from
America, where they are collected in
church contribution boxes. .n-Nbraska
State Journal.
"For ten years past" said the new
boarder, "my habits have been as regu-
lar as clockwOrk. | rose on the stroke
of six; half am hour later / sat down TO
breakfast at seven ! was at work; dined
at twelve; ate supper at six aud was in
bed by nine thirty; ate only hearty food
and hadn't a sick day in all that time "
Dear me, said the deacon, in sympa-
thetic tones, and what were you in
forln And in the awful silence that fol-
lowed you could hear the hash CRATE its
teeth.-Burdstte,