The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1888-02-21
BILL NYE ON HOTELS.
THE WELL-KNOWN HUMORIST IN
DULGES IN SEVERE REMARKS.

The Two Kinds of Guests Who Inhabit
the Average HoteI-A Few Words Con-
S. rerning Diet Simplicity Is the Watch
Eord--In Few Words.
In a western city there stands a restau-
rant that has outside as a sign, under glass
case. rib roast, "a slice of ham, anJ a roast
duck that | remember distinctly having
seen there in 1860 and before the war. l
asked an epicure the other day if he thought
it light to keep those things there year after
year when many were starving throu III
out the length and breadth of the land. He
then Straightway did take me up close so
that could see that the food was made of
plaster and painted, as hereinEesOre set
forth and by me translated, as Walt Whit
man would say
There are two kinds of guests who live at
tie average hotel One is the party who
gets up and walks over the whole corps de
hote from the bald-headed proprietor to the
boOtblacl, while the other is the mee& and
mld-eyel man, doomed to sit at the table
and bewail the flight of time and the hor-
rors Of starvation while waiting for the re-
lief party to come with his food.
belong to the latter class Born, as l
was, IN private family and early acquiring
the habit If eating food that was intended
to asSuage hunger mostly, it takes me
a good while to accustom myself to the
style Of dispeptic micro5e used simply to or
nament a bill of fare. OF course it is main
tanned by some hotel men that food solely
for eating purposes is becoming obsolete and
outre, and that the stuff that they put on
their bills of fare is just good to pour
down the back of guest as diet that is
cooked for the common, low, perverted
taste of people who have no higher aspira-
tons than to eat their food.
THE STYLE OF HOTEL REFERRED TO-
Of course the genial urbane, and talented
reader will see at ence the style of hotel 1
am referring to. 1t is the hotel that apes
the good hotel and prints bill OF fare solely
as literary effort That is the hotel where
YOU find the mOth-eaten towel and the bed
ridden coffee There is wlSre you get but
Ter that runs the elevator daytimes and
sleeps on the flannel cakes at night. also
refer to the hotel where the bell-boy is sim
ply an animated polisher of banisters and
Otherwise extremely useless 1t is like wise
lie house where the syrup tastes like
The tincture of rhubarb, and the
pancakes taste like photograph.
Inc travelling man will call to mind the
Motel to which [ refer, and he will instantly
name 1t and tell you that he has never spent
The Sabbath there.
Some people can live on cracked wheat,
oFah, and SKINNED milk, no matter where
.ney go, and so they always seem to be per-
Iecuy happy, but while simplicity is my
"aUcnword, and while [ am Old Simplicity
himself as it were, | haven't been con-
s[ucted with stomachs enough to success
LulIy wrestle with these things. l like a
Jew plain dishes with victuals on them,
cooked by person who has had some ex-
peI!ence IN that line before l am not so
specially tied to high prices and finger
Oo"lS, Tor L have risen from the common
people, and during the first eighteen years
~ ~ my lie L had to dress myself | was not
rI"ayS the pampered child of enervating
.uAury that now am by any means. So |
an SubSlNt for weeks on good, plain food.
~ - He' o. murmur or repine; but where the
,-lIIaAe at some hotels seems to have been
--'aie IS In trying to issue a bill of fare
Ii,sy uay that will attract the attention of
i riseIary minds and excite the curiosity of
s.--s ulSVS instead Of people who desire to
, rSsuaSe an internal craving for grub I
- 'He Term grub in its broadest and most
h. onehslVe sense Too much of our
, noSel Iool tastes like the second dav of Jan
~ Vi the fifth day of July That's the
goo5 l0 Ihlhg IN few words, and unless the
h. notes are nearer together we shall
pin :, 10 multiply our cemetery facilities
''' rye In Chicago News