New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-07-22
AN AMERICAN TRAVELLER.
HOW FOREIGNERS HAD FUN WITH HIM.
A HAPPY THOUGHT AT LAsT-HE TURNS HIM.


Tho grip was decidedly too large for the man 80 10
was nothing morn than natural that he should deposit
n on tho gro,n and sit down in tho City Hall Park 10
rest lie was a somewhat detected looking man, ana his
clothes though plain were substantial nan mover
met him before knew nothing OF his Vows Or preJu
dIces his business or nationality but Notwithstanding
I venturcd to remark that It was a warm day. The
originality Of the observation seemed 70 srlAe MIN Dc
once and he heartily agreed with me.
"If It want for the pesky grp-sacK'" ne saiu'
wouldn't mind It, AS It is, calculate to make inc
depot all right fore train time. might o. had the
tarnal grip sent by team, s'pose, but hlilder
wanted to keep my eye on 1t. There are some 'hhs'
in that grip that got in furren parts and want 10
land em back home safe and sound, now got em 80
fur
"You have been travelling abroad thenl' f'vehF
urcd.
Yes, sir you've about hit tive been around the
world-ius cot to New York day before yesterday Now
Pm plnted for my home in Ohio. may not look
exactly like q tourist, but that's what / am Bout
two years ago they struck natra gas on my farm anu
sold It for a sum that made 'em open their eyes,
SAYS to Het, Pcabody-you don't know eni-ho,
course you don't-says to Hen: 'Heh'
alays had a hankerln' to see more OF thrs
zero world and now I blieve I'll do IT, That's
what said to Hen Well so l packed up my satchei
and started. 1t amt been all fun. Sometimes L
thought wouldn't never come back to this country
tall dunno yet, but mebby I'm sortcr maxim
mistake either wants to stay right IN thls
country and tend to his knttin movo away and
take out his papers somewhere else"
"Why IS that" asled.
"sometImes think I'll go to Switzerland and settle
down. he went on, ignoring my question. "Ihats
small country. Or mobby Greece or Egypt-they
don't amount to much. Or reckon p'raps Iceland
would be about It, then when travelled abroad
would stand some sort o. show.
"while I'm arcstln here lew minutes II you
Amt in hurry, Just want to give you short his
tory Of few INGREDIENTS Of my trp-just mention
few OF 'em while my feet's restln. This country OF
ourn is awful big at home but she amt the country
that rises up and stands by her citizens when they are
In furrcn parts. Mexico one Of the places
struck l wanted to visit the old moss grown ruins
I had read about, but mostly maxim cus ex-
animation OF the inside OF brick Jail. They said
looked like a stage-robber they wanted, and so the
police grabbed SIR says TO the jedge, as
set my carpet-bag the floor and drawed myself up
high; SIR says l. 4 am an Americana 'oh, We
knowcd that fore tackled YOU said the todge.
We Flowed you ben' American you would like to
occurpy fine ial-built Of American brick, you
know you old Greascrp yelled Il am An AmerI-
can citizen, and We'll make your one-hoss country
sick for thlsr Oh, shut the excited gentleman up
nclose hlm-I want to go a-fshng, says the ledge.
I was accordingly socbed in the jail made out Of
American brch
al roarcd some and kicked the bars, and then
sent for the American Consul that lived that place
He had gone fishing with the iedge The next day
l learned he had been drinking pulque. The day
after It was pulque again. Next day. more pulque.
The day follerng, he put large hat and come up
and me- He wore one eyegass sort o. mortised
into his right eye somehow and he got my range with
It through the bars and looked at fully five min
utes. Then he said 1t a serious matter. and he
guessed he would have to refer It 10 his superior at
Washington had calculated 1t was serious mat
ter for sev'ral days.
81 didn't hear anything more from hz1 for two
months. 1t would have been pretty tough in the jail
that length Of time If hadn't learnt TO swear In Span
fish. II you have been IN jail you can't relize
what a relief It is to be able to in two languages
The state Department at Washington was heard from
at last 1t big letter to the consul and cal
cuatcd going to make Mexico Sick but found 1t
want that kind. The eyeglasscrtter let me read It,
and II was something 10 this efrectI don't claim to
give the Diplomatic language but the idea mostly:
Your communication about one Elijah Palmer
that has got himself into Mexican jail Is received
This department amt acquainted with any man by no
such name, though 1t may be all right. He claims to
be from Ohio, you say. Ohio men are at somewhat
of discount just now, but ought to try TO do some
thing to make It pleasant for him. This department
IS extremely anxious to make It pleasant for citizens
Of this country soIourning in furren tals See that
he is supplied with American newspapers during his
confinement, II he read. Send him down an oc-
casional novel like "Stun Walls do Not Prison
Make" or something Of thar krd. Pr'aps that IN
tcresting book entitled A Summer Jant Through Old
Mcxico' might please him. I enclose with this
short political pamphlet called Our Country Forever
which may interest him. Also, short paper on the
jail Systems of Various Countries as he may like
to become posted If he is going to travel We are hav-
ing fine weather here though the potato bugs are
ported doing much damage in the West How
long tho party have boon speaking OF sentenced
for anyhow This department cannot understand how
he hope to get out before his time is up unless he
gnaws off bar Our army is at present on a decided
peace footing having Just been licked by party Of
Digger Indians. We would not under any crcum-
stances, like to bust the friendly relations which
ist with sister Republic. What had the cuss been
doing anyhow, when they caught him. Give him
my regards and tell him that this department never
has much use for what don't know enough to
keep out Of JAIL
That is the substance OF the letter, and round
that two kinds of profanity nowhere. 1 bowed
my head and was silent When thought of trying
TO express my feelings with only swear words of two
languages, felt like the that tried to dip up Tie
Atlantic Ocean with spoon.
They kept me a couple Of weeks longer. wnen tho
Jail begun to FIJI up and they said they diGlt have
room for longer. They had intended TO keep
me all summer, but they couldn't crowd out Next
citizens that needed to be in Jail the worst kind
for any man from that small northern Republic. Be
sides, the TAILOR said, want the they AFTER
anyhow. l found they had robbed my grip, and
the ledge that sentenced me wearing around the
clothes / had on when arrested
There amt time to get my grip TO the depot and
tell you much more. had sev'ral similar times on
my way round but won't mention 'em. / likewise
had smaller affairs. At the Sandwich Islands the
custom house pirate wanted S25 for passing my grip
drawed myself up proudly and made my little speech
about ben citizen Of the great country of the stars
and stripes, and he said If that the It would
be $50.
"The Chinese inspector taxed me also. and when I
spoke OF he said China had iunks that could blow
our whole navy out of the water l couldn't say
nothing TO that, and put up the $40