Morning journal and courier., 1888-12-20
SECURE.

The man who pays for beer can always se- cure laughers for his jokes.-Milwaukee Jour- nal.
 Edison's ngent-''Wouldn'ty you like to buy phonographs It will store up everything you say and repeat it to you. Want one'" Omaha man-''No; got a wife. e."-Omaha World.
 great feature of the modern drama is ''reai water'' on the stage; but it doesn't seem to satisfy certain class of young men, They still go out between the acts for some thing stronger than "real water. ."-Norris- town Herald.
 A Paris dentist, after chloroforming 8 ps- l tient with the supposed intention of extract ing tooth, robbed the helpless sufferer of $I, ,OO0 and then fled. The operation was painless, but the patient would have suffered | less if he had not taken chloroform.- 1 town Herald.
 Mrs. Petard (as the demand for pin money | is being haggled over) "Very well; if you | can't give me 6 check shall go down and see papa He never refuses Mr. Petrad: | CT was just going to run in on the old gentle | man myself. Give me the first chance, won't l youF-Time.
 ''Ah! so the Spanish ministers have re- ! signed, said Mrs. Homespun looking up | from her paper. Ministers are always preaching about the duty of resignation, and | it's gratifying to know that some of them, at | least, have npaily IOllOWeo tnelr own cOun- l sel. ."-Boston Transcript
 Merely & Social Call.-Lady of the House | 'sNow you can go along, I have nothing to give you" Tramp-"Don't get excited, miss. l was presented with turkey at the last house and, having found the wish-bone, have called, thinking you might like to break it with me."-Lowell Citizen. l A warning to authors-"No," she sobbed | it the sanctity of her boudoir-"no, I can | fn ~,k | ed in green and who writes with purple ink. Oh, if he had only asked me to marry him l instead of writing to me, things would have been so different. "Harper's Bazaar.
 Thoroughly -Bartender-"Seeme to me you are pouring out pretty big drink for that dime" Trsmp-"tI drink, sir, be- cause the weather is cold. I want to get | warm and you know it is well ascertained scientific fact that tone swallow does not make a summer. '"-New York Weekly.
 "When a man dies suddenly without hav- ing been attended by doctor" says popu-
 lar guide to the law, "the coroner has to be
 called in and an inquest held to ascertain the cause of death. But," adds the writer
 "when he dies, after having been attended
 by doctor, then everybody knows why he
 died. and an inquest is not necessary "-NeN
 York Ledger.
 | A terrible disappointment.-Mo
 "Why, my dear, what's the matterl Some.
 thing has happened at Mrs. De Musio's party
 know. Tell me all about it, my child.'
 Daughter-"Boo-hooi Mrs. De Music asked
 me to play and-and when told her I wal
 out of practice she said she was 'so sorry,
 and didn't ask me again. Boo-hoo-hooI"-
 New York Weekly.
 The newest thing in honeymoons is called
 the Secret Honeymoon" neither bride no
 groom having any idea where they are going
 The idea is not new. For years many youn,
 people have married without having any idel
 where they were going or how they were go
 ing to get there when they did know. The,
 didn't have enough money to go to housekeek
 ing.-Norristown Herald.
 "Whst is the secret of your success9" asket
 the poet. "That's just it." replied the bus,
 merchant, "there is no secret about it; Tn \ the biggest Advertiser in the State. There