Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1888-06-18

What is the longest voyage recorded in
the Bible The widows cruise.
Water and chalk must be plenty and
cheap in Philadelphia Milk is only three
cents a quart there.
Diffident lover-I know that l am a
perfect bear in my manner. She-Sheep,
| you mean. Bears hug people.
Mrs. Grundy is not far astray when she
remarks ''that women carry pet dogs
around who would scorn to wheel baby
carriage"
Stout old lady (to clerk)-You keep
good corsets, do you, young man? Clerk
Yes, maam, our corsets are simply i'm
mense. Stout old lady leaves in huff.
Woman (who has given something to
eat to a tramp)-You have very awkward
way of eating, man. Tramp-Yes, ma am,
l guess it's cause I'm out of practice.
The man who was looking about after
a paper that didn't say anything about
the tariff finally purchased paper of pins.
That was the nearest he could come to it.
Superintendent of Schools Jasper says ::
''The man is not born yet who can please
1000 women without some fault be found
with him." Mr.. Jasper might have come
down 1899.
weather sharp says that cats with
their tails up and hair apparently electri-
fed indicate approaching wind We al
preaching dog.
Young wife-Horrors See here, sir;
your dog has run off with whole sponge
cake I left outside to cool. Tramp-Don't
worry, mum. That dogs tougher'n he
looks. He kin eat anything.
Customer Gin restaurant)-I say, wait
er,how about that broiled spring chicken?
1 ordered it half an hour ago. Waiter
Yes, sab; be here in a minute. Dat spring
chicken died very hard, sab.
Miss Prudely: 1 hear that Mr.. Agile
broke his limb recently. Pray, how did
he do it? Mr.. Quizley-He was gathering
blossoms, you know, and fell from the
aw-the-leg of an apple tree.
Sunday school teacher (reprovingly)-
Now, Tommy, you must pay closer atten-
tion to the lesson. Who killed Abel?
Tommy Gin a surprised tone of voice.
Why, I didn't know he was dead.
Professor Baird says s'There is moth
ing to prevent a fish living a hundred
years" Well, professor, if the other fel-
lows are no better fishers than we are
there's nothing to prevent him living a
thousand.
Mary-George, if I die, promise me one
thing. George-What is it, Mary? Mary |
That you will marry Emma wilkins.
George-Why, l thought you hated her,
get even with her.
A little girl seeing her mother caress
another child began to show unmistaka-
BILE signs of jealousy. Her mother re-
marked 'Why, Sadie, believe you are
Jealous" ''No, mamma" she replied in
I'm not jealous, but 1 don't
feel conf able
Now the ''skeeter'' is a sharpening up
his beak,
For the vengeance without mercy he
will wreak
On the poor, unhappy wight
Who, tender morsel quite,
Win go hunting rural pleasure for a
week.
Success in life may depend somewhat
ON circumstances, but it depends more on
the Individual said Mr.. Skute, who is
fnr hah-
its. s'That's so,' said Billson, one of the
audience. ''When | first
came to this town. I had fifty cents. Now,
what do you suppose 1 did with it?'
fsOh, that's an easy one," said Billson.
Anybody that knows you, Skute, would
know what you did with that fifty cents
ssWeil, what did 1 do with it?" 'sWhy,
you've got it yet"
AN ExPL ANATIoN.-What is this ''nervous troub-
le'' with which SO many seem now to be afflicted?
If you will remember few years ago the word
Malaria was comparatively unknown,-to-day it is
as common any word in the English language
yet this word covers only the meaning of another
word used by forefathers in times past. So it
is with nervous diseases, they and Malaria are
intended to cover what our grandfathers called
Biliousness, and all caused by troubles that
arise from diseased condition of the liver which is
performing its functions finding it cannot dipose OF
the bile through the ordinary channel is compelled
pass it off through the system, causing nervous
malaria bilious fever, etc. You who are
suffering well appreciate cure. We recon-
mend Green's August Flower. It's cures are mar
velous.