The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1888-02-22

He is happy who takes the weather rs it
comes chccrfully.
Nothing so wildly reminds us of the
brcvity of life as n thirty-day note.
Water from the river Styx should be good
material for mucilagc manufacturers.
Occupants of top floor flats arc not al
ways high ~livers.'
"Lct her slide" is the slang that goes
with tobogganing.
Man never has the same faith In the ctcr-
nal fitness of things after his wife has made
him a shirt.
Electricity in its various forms of appli
cation is said 20 give employment to 1000
600 persons.
Idlcncss is the hotbcd Of temptation, the
cradle of disease, the waste of time, the
cankcr woIm of felicity.
When "tho boy stood on the burning
deck it is presumed he resolved never to
play cards again.
The best form Of responsive service is
that which consists in putting n good ser
non into good practice.
The hustle must not and will not go.
though it is entirely willing to be so far
cclipScd rs to take q back scat.
lie is happy who comes with healthy
body into the world; much more he who
goes with healthy spirit out of it.
whats this, waitcr?" Railroad soup,
sir" "QuCcr name for soup" "lcs, sir;
stocks been watercd SO often, sir.
a girl being asked by her teacher what
kind Of a noun kiss was, replied, with a
blush, that is was both proper and common.
The British Government proposes to grant
a loan To the local authorities to tide the
c~roftcrS over the present period of distress.
Strange that the price Of coal should al
ways be going up when there are so many
more cellars than buyers.
The bald,hcadrd man may not earn any
more bread than the rest of us. but with
his vast glacial period brow he could sweat
for a whole family.
The fire losses of 1887 were in excess Of
those of any previous year in the history
of the country, except those of the Chicago
and Boston CONGREGATIONS.
1t is a maxim that for every man that
docs not work, and for every woman who
is idle, somebody mus. suffer cold or
hunger.
a medical journal tells people "how to
catch cold. but what they want to know
is how to prevent a cold from catching
them.
The girls hate slang phrases, whatever
they are;
But they hate in degrees, for they say
That the maid who gets left is more
angry by far
Than the maid who gets given away
For the most pr 'ect good breeding OBJ.
serve the manners of two ladies who hate
each Other. Each is on guard against the
slightest slip.
1t is the habirnal thought that frames it.
self into our lives. Our confidential friends
have not rs much To do in shaping our lives
as the thoughts which VIC harbor.
Charley, didn't you leave Miss Smith
rather suddenly the other evening" "'Wcll.
yes. 10 tell the truth, she was beginning
to get tender, and | got frightened"
The Appellate Court of Illinois has an
n%ounccd its long looked for decisions in the
Chicago doodle cases. Both cases are
affirmed.
The Governor Of Florida has demanded
the resignation Of Sheriff Holland, of Jack
S~Onvillc, holding him responsible for the
escape of Carpenter, the alleged New York
fOrger.
The Philadelphia PuLAic Ie1qcy. Mr..
George w. Childs's paper, SAYS that Mr..
Childs is not and will not be IL candidate
for the Presidency, and would not serve If
cl ,ctcd.
In view Of the mules high reputation as
n kicker, it Ssingular that he is not secured
for some OF the college football e~levcns; but
perhaps they have got all the mules they
want now.
Twenty five per cent. of The coke ovens
in the Conncllsvillc penn region have
been shut down for the purpose Of RI strict
ing production. This will throw 100
men out of employment.
The fisheries commission have signed a
treaty which, it is generally believed, will
prevent all future difficulties between the
United States and Great Britain on this
subject.
James Curtice, colored, a palace car con.
ductor, has brought suit against the man
agcment of the Windsor Hotel, at Mon.
trcal, charging that lie was forcibly elected
from the hotel on account of his color.
First Spcakcr-Say, fellows, you don't
know what n bore this thing Of wearing
glasses is; and | never nave been able to
get IA pair that suited both my eyes and
nose. Second Speakcr-Wcll, you cant
expect the ayes and noes to be unanimous
for n thing,
What is it you have against Miss
Simartly? She isn't so bad, you know, and
pCShICS, sue Is cllIlIlcl 10 CTcult Tor more
than half supporting the family" "Well,
that's something in her favor; but she's
quite unsupportable herself"
When a Boston girl is presented with a
bouquet she says, 80 how deliciously
sweet! Its fragrance %imprcgnates the en-.
tire atmosphere of the room" a down
East girl simply says, 1T smells scrumpti-
GUS; thanks, Reub."
Reycnue officers in the past few DAYS
have captured several Illicit stills in Clay
and Randolph counties, Ala. and destroyed
them, with about 90, 900 gallons of beer
and mash. Six of the distillcrs were taken
to Montgomery aud arc now in Jail, await
ing trial.
A SANCTUM TRAGEDY.
Fast fell the flakes upon the ground
AS he glided into view
"ls this the editor?" 1T is"
"Sir, will you publish Beau"
But ere he could pronounce the rest,
The querist met his fate
He doubled up and calmly died,
Struck with a p~aper-wcightl
He persisted in the nick of time