Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-04-18

for the manufacture Of felting said
that he calculated to meet long-fel
want.-Ex.
When electricity becomes the agent
of punishment for crime, the judges
charge" will have more significance
than it does now.-Ex.
A sign on the store of Toccoa, Ga.
merchant reads; Lamps fixed, razor'
honed, fresh oysters, Vienna breac
and tombstones. Star.
Flimssy--I don't know how it is,
but the smallest specimens of men in.
variably get the best wives.
Mrs. F. (archly)--Oh, you Aatter-
er ?-Boston Transcript.
A man, in New Jersey town
named Beall Day, has made wager
to eat 800 oysters without stopping
We suspect he will Be-all-Day doing
it.-Shoe and Leather Reporter.
Look at her waist | notice that
the ladies generally are wearing high
necked dresses this year. "Yes," said
the old fox hunter; "they seem t.
have been driven to cover at last. -
Life.
An ex-pugilist has become mem
ber Of the Bar in Connecticut. 1t i:
predicted that he will use knock -dowr
and become highly sue
cessful as an expounder of the law
Star.
p. Il. Barnum, the Snowman, i:
quoted as saying that he would ac
cept the Republican nomination fol
President. But despite his profession
Barnum has no show.-Norristowr
Herald
II hear that General Lightfoot is
going to run for Governor" said the
Judge. "Glad he's going to run fol
something" said the Major, with feel
ing, "he run from everything all
through the war."-Burdette.
Small boy (to his big sister)-Edith
do you know why | think you are
like a cat that has fallen into a hogs
head of molassesi
Edith-Because I'm so sweet?
Small boy-No, because you are
so stuck up.-Detroit Free Press.
Tramp-Will the gentleman give q
trifle to a poor man?
Condemnation do | know that
you are poor man?
How do / know you are gentle
mani It's only by the outside that
either Of us can Judge the other
Texas Siftipgs.
A Richmond. Mich, woman lost a
watch few days ago. She could not
find it, but wherever she went she
heard that watch tick. This nerved
her OH to greater efforts, and she turn
ed the house upside down in her
search-and then found the watch IN
her bustle.-Ex.
Dudley Vauderclam-Mith Bond.
clipper, l weally believe it ith the
mission Of woman to make fools Of
nth men.
Miss Bondclipper-Yes, you have
no idea, Mr.. Vanderclam, how vexed
we are to f1d that nature has SO Oft
EN- forestalled us.-Ex.
Patrick, did Mr.. Brown call ?"
He did, sor."
"And did you give him an evasive
answer?"
II did sor."
"Well, what did you say Z"
II axed him was his grandmother
a monkey, sor. Life.
Drawing the line. Omaha girl
Did you really go and see La Tosca ?
Why, the correspondent said it was
outrageously immoral.
New York girl.-Well, it isn't quite
so bad as that, but at the same time
it is not the sort of play ! would care
to send my mother to.-Omaba Her.
aid.
A square minister-After one or
two gentle efforts ON the part of the
collector to awaken Deacon Jones,
the minister said from the pulpit
"Never mind, Brother Layman, as
Deacon Jones has not heard the SER
mon, perhaps it would not be right to
expect him to pay anything for it,
Epoch.
A president of one of the Chicago
railroads related the other night lit
tie anecdote ament Gen. Sherman and
a oarfo;n r,;l;tarv 1;ooo. ~:,,o.. =: