Wichita eagle., 1888-08-22

What Our Rich Men Have Done-rhs
Dude Who Made Believe He Was |.
sailor-A Fancy "Ce,onel" in 1851.
Only Veneer.
But come little nearer home.
Let's take look at our own pleasing per-
sonalities. Do We wear wigs, false teeth,
tight shoesi Do We wear high heeled boots
to deceive our neighbors as &c our height
Do We pull in our waists and pad out our
bustss Do we wear funny things behind, in
the absurd endeavor TO persuade people who
know better that the Lord made Us different
from what he did make usi You remember,
don't you, few years ago, when our dear
sisters wore little humps on their shouldersi
That was the funniest fashion l ever knew.
Every woman tried to make everybody else
believe that on each shoulder she had little
hump. Now, all women, and a majority Of
men, know that no women was ever born
with a little hump on either shoulder, let
alone on both.
Our rich men are curious creatures. They
have ornamented, beautified, solidied our
streets and those of every significant city in
the land by magnificent structures, semi
hotels, and they have pandered to a fast
growing sentiment in this land of the free,
which seems TO ape foreign affairs by giving
to these structures names which mean some
thing on the other side of the ocean, but
which here are biooningiy idiotic- Our
great apartment houses here are called the
Buckingham, the Rockingham, the Sand
riaSham, the Belvidere and so on
THOUGHT HE WAS \ SAILOR
I was sitting on the broad piazza Of sum-
mer hotel about an hour ago, when a curious
creature came from the inner recesses and
stood in the doorway. On his head was
sailors cap. He wore flannel shirt with a
wide turnover collar and anchors embroid-
cred on the ends Gilt buttons made mis-
attire more conspicuous. but what attracted
my attention moro especially were the creases
down the middle of his trousers. which by
the way were turned up about two inches
from the bottom, revealing pretty pair of
black silk stockings and neatly fitting patent
leather pumps He was a dude from Dude
vile, a darling escpaed from the bandbox,
yet he thought he was sailor, and that the
effect produced upon the guests Of the hotel
was that of rollicking, jolly, pipe smoking
tar.
1 wondered as l looked at him what he
would do with those pumps and those silk
stockings and his pretty trousers in a storm
He apparently had about as much muscle as
fresh water clam, and queried how many
ropes his bejewelled fingers could handle il
a moment Of necessity or Of danger.
Whom did he deceivel
He knows perfectly well he is no sailor. and
he knows that everybody who looks at him
knows that he is no sailor As looked at
hin, wind h>c fa ba or.
in 1861, when, with one foot on the sturdy
soldity of peace and prosperity, the nation
put its other foot forward upon the threshold
of five years war, with its blood and tur-
moiL l was sitting in the office of Williard's
hotel IN Washington The great corridor
was packed with angry men, eagerly discuss
ing what must be done. Forcing his way
through the dense mass, young gentleman
in the full uniform of colonel, approached
the desk and registered his name, appended
to which were the words, ''paymaster of tho
state of New York" By his side clinked
sword. On his shoulders were glitterinS
epaulettes. Brass buttons were all over him,
and his cap was cooked over his right eye,
with q real 1861 swagger. Col Mansfield sat
near me, then a bron2ed veteran with u
record, and Rosecrans, then think colonel,
also was at the desk settling a bill, ere he de-
parted for the extreme west.
AFTER RCDER ExPERrEyCES
The slap dash of the young gentleman
attracted their attention. They looked at
him with curious eyes, and seemed to see in
him prefguration Of the young America,
about to come to the front. This young
gentleman was On the staff of the governor
Of the state. He was there on duty, tut he
then had no more idea of war than any of
the rest of US. To him the trip was a joliti-
cation. To him the experience was a picnic.
To him it was all cooked cap, brass buttons,
4 blinking sword and well written name,
with payInaster of the state of New York
1t the end of it. He had no more idea Of the
true duties OF a soldier, then my curled
darling in the yachting suit had of the duties
IF sailor His dress, SO far as typifying
any character beneath it, was a farce,
sham, pretense, aud yet doubt not in later
lays, when ruder experiences wero under
gone, he developed the manhood that was in
him. His bright buttons became tarnished
by exposure, the blue of his uniform faded
% a shiny white, and the noise made by bis
sword was not its clinking ON the marble
pavement Of a metropolitan hotel, but its
whizzing through the air, as pointing the
way, he led his comrades to victory or death
Mind you, don't believe that the Ameri-
AN mind intends deception.
These shams, pretenses, deceits are but the
hining veneer, super laid over the hard
wood endurance OF sturdiness Of character,
# honest determination 70 win success ia ths
,reat battles of lite.
Weili
Well, the obvious suggestion would be to
hrow away your brass rings, to slice Off
our shoulder humps, to let your waist have
Is normal size, TO wear heels of comfort |
ather than Of show, to plane away the |
Teneers and stand rs you were made, I'M
,roying along rightful lines, helping your |
elves 70 grow, that you may extend the I
light hand Of fellowship 10 others who would /
Ike, but unable, TO follow your e1aupla /
Joe Howard in Boston Globe
Defending the Dutch Language.
N,,- Azr l.