The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1888-12-21
VARIETIES.

Club waiter--"You's got a big appetite
tonight Mr.. Westend. Been fox huntin f'
Mr.. Westend-"No, I've been to five o o'clock
tea"
II am on my way home, DOCTOR" said a
citizen, who was after some free advice, land
I'm tired and worn out. What ought l to
take?" Take cal" replied the intelligent
physician.
Mr.. Harrison-firmly: "When become
President there is to be no power behind the
throne, and l want everybody 10 under.
stand it," Mrs. Harrison-sweetly "Benja-
min, don't forget me, please"
Mrs. j. Browne Stone (who has Just re-
turned from Europe to her daughter, who
has stayed home)-Good gracious, Emma, we
must do something at once for your figure {;
it's getting as bad as the Venice of Milosl"
What they think of each other-"What
is the difference between the allopatbs aud
the omeopaths ?" asked Mrs. Cumso of her
husband. "Oh," lie replied, "the allopaths
mink the homeopaths are not ortho.docs"
Very entallady-"This world
is vale of tears. Even the beautiful rose
has thorns." "Prosaic yisitor-"I wouldn't
mind that 30 much, but that shad are SO full
Of bones is an outrage on the human race"
True enterprise.-"John,s show this gen.
tleman the door, said the lady of the house.
"Thanks, John" said the book agent cordial.
ly, "but you needn't trouble yourself saw
the door as came in. Now this work, madam,
is" The lady bought the book.
Two little girls were playing church. One
said Now we are to have prayer. You
kneel down and be real Christian I'll Just
sit down and put my hands up to my face.
I'm going to be one of those stylish Christ
ians.'
How is it, young man." he said, chat
you can make three thousand dollars year
playing baseball, while /, college professor,
can only make two thousand?" "Well, l
don't know, sir" was the reply, 81 'spose n
mans Intelligence generally governs matters"
-Sniggleiritz, who resides in the suburbs,
was surprised the other night to see his cow
following in the wake of torchlight pro-
cession. mine craciousl" he exclaimed to
his neighbor next day. 81 meier dnk see
mine cow marching nit der DEMOCRATS al.
ready"
1T is said that when General Grant was in
Japan the japanese Premier, Prince Kung,
desiring to compliment the General by tell
ing him that he was born to command, tried
it in English with this result: "Sir, brave
General, you vas made to order"
In a criminal court-To the witness
Odd you see the accused fire his revolver ?"
Eyes; | saw him shoot" "How far were
you from him?" "When he fired the first
time was about ten feet away" Sand
when he fired the second timer" "The sec
ond time-wcll, about a hundred yards"
"A poor Scotchman who had but scant
pasturage for his cow one day tethered her
on the summit of barren hiock, where sand
and stones were far more plentiful than the
vegetation, and, looking around him, ex-
claimed; "Weel, weel, Rosy, my lass, if we
haena mckle to eat we hiv at ony rate
splendid view"
-"Gentlemen," said an indignant passenger
on South Side cable car yesterday, twill none
of you get up and give this old lady seat :"
I'll thank you, sir" snapped the lady, ito
attend to your own affairs. | am not as old
as you are by twenty years, if l am any judge
of a persons age" The indignan: passenger
got off at the next crossing.