Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1888-11-01
MANS USEFULNESS TO A WOMAN.
An Amusing Estimate Of the Lord Of
Creation by a Saucy Chicago Dame.

MANS USEFULNESS TO A WOMAN.
An Amusing Estimate of the Lord Of
Creation by Saucy Chicago Dame.
A lady who.signs herself 'Mary Brown" gives
in the Chicago Herald an amusing If somewhat
saucy estimate Of imam" from woman's stand
point. She begins by allowing that in the
economy of the universe men are necessary,
and continues, seven the sourest spinster must
reluctantly admit this. They do the heavy
lifting of the world, keep its accounts, do mill
tary service, and hold all the Offices worth hay
ing. They make all the laws, publish most of
the newspapers, write q good many Of the
books and scientific treatises, and monopolize
educational facilities and professional oppor-
tunities 90 far as they are able. They don't do
so much of this as they once did. Some of
them make admirable husbands, paying bills
without murmuring, walking the floor with the
baby when 1t has the collie, taking the twins
to the park, resolutey turning their
y1rtuous backs on committee meetings
and coming home at o'clock. Husbands of
this kind do not spend Sunday in a dressing
gown, tilted back in a chair, feet on the mantel,
extlnguished behind the blanket sheet of the
morning. paper, emerging only when dinner
conveniently constructed for throwing, run
ming, standing in the street cars without detri-
ment to their health. Their fashions are not
complicated and evanescent, and the majority
are not troubled il embroidered shirt bosoms
are de rigueur for full dress and they display
only plain plaits. They do not know the cha
mig torment of tight corsets, whaleboned
dresses, with hustle attachment which makes
the tortured wearer think she were sitting
down on a wire rat trap. Mems trousers do not
Skpwpd no ma
bangs for wind and rain to devastate. He can
conceal a weak chin and bad teeth, when ma
ture is propitious, with a highly ornamental
mustache and beard.
stress on the ''but," like DeWolf Hopper. imam
has his troubles. Business does not always go
smoothly, and his candidate is not always
elected; although he reserves the right of pro-
posals he does not always marry the woman he
wants, and frequently does marry the one he
wishes he had never seen. His 'pants'-the
highest priced ones-'knee out; shis polished
shoes are splashed on the crossings, and he has
no concealing skirts wherewith to hide the
effect Of pigeon toes and bow legs If his
middle age he cannot conceal with 'drapery'
the ruin which time has wrought. Nor are
there false fronts or Langtry bangs yet devised
for masculine badness"
Next a meditative mood finds relief in the
pen of the Tlibuae's fair correspondent: 'Man
trunks, engage seats, pay for carriages and
flowers, and intimidate Washers, but he is not
faultless In the first place, no living woman
OF ordinary attractions can treat a masculine
friend as well as she would like. The best of
the species are repositories of infinite vanity.
There are, in this prosaic age, hundreds of in
teresting and intelligent women who would be
invaluable as entertaining and agreeable
chums. They are matter-of-fact, devoid Of
sentiment, but are genial jolly and agreeable.
IL NJ q ~ 10 oil nn has, nf
half-doZen Johns and Charles and Toms in
her wake-among her callers and correspond
ents; she must keep them at arms length.
There are many little kindly courtesies she
would extend to them if she dared. She would
like to ask Tom to luncheon two or three times
week. The poor fellow is wretched in the
fried-steak atmosphere of his clearinghouse.
He is that most miserable of beings-a man
with refined and cultivated taste and an mad
equate income. She would like to send Charlie
specimens of the splendid roses and verbenas
that waste their sweetness in her secluded
garden. She would be glad to divide the tick
cts to opera and play which are showered upon
her with John, who loves Wagner and Shake
epeare. But can she? Never She knows per-
fectly well how Tom, at the third invitation,
would lift his eyebrows and murmur: Again?
Poor girl. It's getting serious;' or how Charlie
would stroke his mustache and smile indie
scribably over her third installment of flowers
and how John, dignifed and well-bred
as ne lS, would Wrlnkle MS DrOwS as
he adjusted his necktie before his mir
ror and soliloquized Kate is q charming
girl but must manage someway, without hurt
ing her feelings, of course, to let her know that
1 have no intention of marrying. The dear,
egotistical deluded souls-it is not possible for
them to comprehend that woman may exist
likewise who has no intention of marrying
and that every smile and gracious attention are
only her frank and generous proffers of friend
ship uncompromisingly platonic. In that glori-
Gus millennium when women shall conduct
business on a colossal scale-engage in politics.
meet the lords of creation on their own broad
ground the masculine sex may be able to COM
prehend that there are things not dreamed Of
in mans philosophy, and aims in life which
do not include him and all his worldly goods.
However" concludes Mary, ''men are to be
excused. They have monopolized things SO
long that it is only natural they should over
estimate their destinations and their real value
They are first-rate in the concrete and occa-
sionally in the abstract-with all their faults a
considerable of an addition to society," and
would, probably, be missed if they were trans
lated bodily to another planet. On the whole
we like them; and all women. except those who
have had to sue for divorce and have lost
money in their broken banks, will Join in the
time-honored sentiment: The men-G6d bless
EN-"