The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1888-04-26
HUMOROUS.
The girl who won't be won usually re-
mains one.

The girl who won't be won usually re-
mains one.
The girl who loves William never
asks her father to foot her Bill.
The man who married his type writing
girl was in the habit of debating to her,
but now she dictates to him.
In times of war they charge batteries
with powder and lall. In times of
peace, they charge them with electri-
city.
The dude who wears a single eye
glass can generally see with one eye
all that he is capable of thinking
about.
A scientist says wasp may be picked
up if it is done quietly. Yes; it is when
the wasp is laid down again that the
noise begins.
Brakeman: Sec here; where are going
with that AKA Passenger: Keep cool,
young man. We stop for sandwiches
at the next station.
A New York man has invented pro-
cess for making railroad cars out OF
wood pulp; but it takes Kansas cy-
clone to make wood pulp out of railroad
cars.
Bystander: Doctor, what do you
think of this mans injuriesl Doctor:
Humph! Two of them are und oubtedly
fatal, but, as for the rest of them, time
alone can tell.
Saturn is 700 times larger than the
earth. We impart the information for
the sake of those who want the latter.
They might just as well want Saturn
and have done with it.
Consoling Friend Ito henpecked hus-
banO-Why don't you give your wife a
piece of your mind1 Henpe cked hus-
band (dazcd)-Psace of my mind1
Great Scott, man, she never lets ms
have any.
Mr.. Hoppcr,-May have the pleas
ure of this dance, Miss Snob2 Miss
Snob (wishing to show her preference)
Thanks, Mr.. Hopper. l don't dance
with every Tom Dick and Harry, but
I'll make an exception of you.
A Georgia MN stopped to pick up
pin on the street the other day, with
the following results: His hat fell off
and rolled into the gutter; two sus-
pender buttons flew off; his collar split
open and his store teeth fell out and
broke on thewalk. He secured the pin.
Tramp recognizing friend): '1s
that yerself, Tooleya An what are ye
doin' in that hole2" Friend: 'Don't
say wurrud, It's foine job have;
the felly that runs the summer hotel be-
low here pays me five dollars week to
live here, an he .calls me The Hermit
of Scrub Oak HILL The boorders como
up here be the dozen to LUX at me, and
it's good cigars I'm smokin' the whole
day long"
"Perhaps, madam, you could get
your husband to put his ame down on
the roll of our society" Lady of the
House: "What is your societyl' Wis
itoI Gmpressively): 'The Society for
the Repression of Crime" Lady of the
House: Il don't think my husband
would care to put his name down for
any such thing. He makes his living
by crime" Visitor (horrifieD: "Whatl
Is he criminal1' Lady of the House:
mo. He's a policeman.
Girl: "Ohl you men are very mys-
terious about your secret societies.
Guess you don't know We girls have a
secret society too." Man: "Really, /
did not; you have kept your secret
WELL" Yes we have one; it was
formed last night; but its object is
secret you know" Il suppose so."
"Yes; you see all the members are to
be true to each other under all circum-
stances" ''Of course" "And tell
each other all the secrets they hear.
Isn't it splendid.
OF Jones, the miser, it was said,
When death cut his life's thread;
He never tired of doing good.