The evening world., 1888-12-07
IF HE WERE A MILLIONAIRE.
LEW DOCKSTADER WOULD DO AT LEAST A
MILLION THINGS.

King Of Burnt Cork VIII Sing Them 70
the Peeplc-A Specimen stanza, Showing
What n Philanthropist Deckstadcr Wouid
BE Had He His Way About the Matter.
The inimitable Lew Dockstader is to the
fore again. He breaks out anew next Mon
day night. He is the great irrepressible. II
he doesn't get twenty-four brand new, crisp,
sparkling, rib-splitting ideas every twenty
four hours he feels as II he were getting dull.
But he always gets them, and has to throw
away enough to run an ordinary show for q
year, because life is too short for him TO be
as funny as he knows how In the time that he
has.
The new thing Lew will spring pom the
public next Monday night Is an awfully
fetching topical song called IF l Were Q
Millionaire" The composition is by Mr..
Monroe H. Rosenfeld. who made such q rat
Ting success with his recent ong with
All Her Faults 1 Love Her Still"
The music of " Fl Were q Millionaire" is
rs lively as a cricket, and the things that
Dockstsder would do if he were one cover all
the popular fads of the day. Words and
music are in perfect keeping, and to be sure
that it shall go as it ought to, the King of
Burnt Cork. Lew Dockstader, will sing IL
himself. It promises to be the great hit of
the seasonhfn the way of Q topical song.
Sackville West;: our young celibate of the
Mayoralty, Hugh Grant; the sportive Richard
K.Fox; that peryasive young feminine Vidocq
Nellie Bly, little Judge Duffy, Of the thou.
sand newspaper paragraphs; the departed
and ever-to-be:regretted Crowley; the de-
parting Belva Lockwood; the doughty John
L., who came 80 near to being a dear de-
parted, but concluded 10 be q dear remainer
"a very dear one to several ambitious pugi-
lists-ali the popularities and The EVENING
WORLD, from whose cheerful nudging OF
prospective mi~llionaires the idea of the song
was taken, will receive the flattering attention
they 30 richly deserve.
Through the courtesy Of Dockstader and
Mr.. Rosenfeld TIE EVENING World can fur.
nish its readers with q specimen stanza OF
the song, and they will be able to form some
idea of what they may expect next Monday
night, when Lew will
Mention some things that I'D do
II were q millionaire.
Here is the stanzs:
I'd give the ladies all o vote,
III were a millionaire,
ia build a nav, that could float,
IL were o millionaire.
s p %s En sIRGo when tSe 80 Streets they yell.
OF lock them all up in q cell,
II l were q millionaire.
I'd ask Miss Nellie Bly,. who knows,
T Ths r Sr%ssi Ees .s a,aif f IA aa ReGPSisS ill
Who makes a fellow, up a pill
And charges q fve-dollar bill.
Our wives out shopping ! would send
That 4 surplus !" that we've got, to spend.
The widows all I'd husbands get,
And Broadway clean I'd keep, you bet.
Each dude, with supercilious phiz,
I'd stuff and put where Crowley 10.
I'd send q bundle Of nice tracts
To Ingersoll-an full of facts.
The stage bouquets we see employed
I'd have all made Of celluloid,
80 one would last o season through,
And not o single night or two.
Night-keys I'd make to let you in
When to the lodge" You say you've been
so late folks needn't use their knives
Or boots, and needn't wake their wivest
I'd have o brake put on the jaw
OF every lively mother-in-lawi
And one thing more, I'd even stoop
To lift old Coogan out o. the soup,
II ! were o millionaire.
It ID rather O good thing that Lew isn't &C
much of q millionaire as to give up shining
with his dark brightness at US over the foot
lights.
One Of the good things that one could dc
II he were q millionaire would be to buy q
season ticket to Dockstader's. Chrystallizet
carbon is o diamond, and that's the kind o.
charcoal dandy Lew Is. Go and hear thu
song, and see If 1t isn't worth your trouble!