Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-07-11

Stealing second-an eloping widow
er.-Ex.
The child of the sea-the harbor
buoy.-Star.
Does the dog watch account for the
barks at sea Star.
When "a grocer retires from busi-
ness he weighs less than he did before.
-Ex.
If the transatlantic captain makes
every trip, how can he be called n
"skipper"-Ex.
Why are sailors egotistical ? Be-
cause they are always saying "Aye,
aye, sir."-Ex.
Funny, isn't it, that after a man
has once given his word he should try
so hard to keep it.-St. Albans Mess
enger.
There is Il scarcity of young men
at some of the summer resorts, and
the girls are suffering from poor male
facilities. "-Ex.
Miss Braddon is just bringing out
novel entitled "The Fatal Three"
Wonder if the scene is laid in front
of pawn shop Aurora Blade.
Woman (to tramp)-After you've
eat that pie will you saw little wood!
Tramp (eying the pie)-Yes, ma
am, if Pm alive Texas Siftings.
Stranger-What is this Ink, pens
and paper-one thalar! What writ.
ing have you had to do fer me
Landlord-Why, the bill !-Ex.
A swinging sign in front of a
Chicago store bears the legend, Truth
Spoken Here" 1t is necessary to
hang out sign like that in Chicago.
Philadelphia Call.
If the human race was evolved
from the apes, it at least has the sat
isfaction in knowing that its ancestors
were intelligent-they were educated
in the higher branches.-New York
Tribune
Old man from the floor above -
Is that young man still in the paror,
Clara
Young man nervous W Yes, sir
but he is trying to get away.-Har-
per's Bazaar
mo, Mr.. Brown, | can never be
anything more than a sister to you"
"a sister? needed one badly.
just look after my washing, will your
| haven't had a clean shirt for
week. ."-Ex.
De Wiggs-Old fellow, / am truly
sorry for you. You seem to have
married tartar.
Biggs-It is true. But, then, she's
beautiful and wealthy.
De Wiggs-Ah, sort of cream of
tartars.-Pittsburgh Bulletin.
The ancient proverb says "You
can't get more out of bottle than you
put in it," That's an error. Besides
what he put in, he can get a headache,
a sick stomach, and perhaps ten days
in the lockup.-Western Druggist.
She Cat the races)--Whats the
trouble on the Judges stand, George
He-There's some dispute over the
last heat.
She-Aren't their thermometers all
alike, George ?-Texas Siftiugs
They were talking of Mr.. -, who
lives in Kalamazoo. "Some relative
must have left him fortune" said
one, 'he lives In fine style lately"
"Oh, that's easy enough, his celery
has been raised," said another.-Ex.
| tell you so ng'in. Use not one OBJ
desc fool niggers what doesn't know
nffin'. ] could IDENTIFY dat man eben
if J nebber seed bim agin. ! don't
hab ter see him ag'in TO IDENTIFY him.
You are sharp one, certainly
Texas siftings.
"rhis is very strange" remarked
Billy Blivens tboughtfully, after he
had tasted the contents of the butter
dish. VERY strange, indeed"
What is strange p
That such delicate, pale butter
should turn out so robust. N-Ex.
"rhe great end of life, my dear
children" said Deacon Bucrag, who
was addressing the Sunday school, sis
not to think, but to act"
Here the scholars assumed an en-
couraging look of intelligence.
Now, what is it that is the great
end of life ?" asked the deacon.
No response,
Come, my dear children went OH
the good man, cheerfully. II have
just told you what It is. Cannot you