Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1888-05-03
WIT AND IIUMoR.

the winter-and 'all they can make in
summer.-7Id-Bits.
There Is more difference between
cheap talk and free speech than some
people seem to suppOse.-Td- Bits.
1t is said that John Ruskin is losing
his mind and wants to come to Amer
lea to lecture. Orleans PicayEne.
Many a broadcloth. husband owes
his prosperity to the fact that he mar
ried gingham girl.-San Francisco
Bulletin.
If the pen is really mightier than
the sword, we wonder why it doesn't
turn on some of the poets and stab
them to death,-PucE.
'Is your father a man of sedentary
habitP" 'SedentaryP Well, rather
guess he is. He sits on me every time
he sees mel-Life.
The new President of the French
Republic would like to resign, but It's
said he cannot (Sadi-CarnoD. This is
copyrighted.-AnniSton Hot Blast.
Now comes the time when the man
who turned over new leaf turns it
back again to look for something that
he forgot. Huntington Free Press.
De pusson dat ken talk de bes'
erbout de money condition O. de coun-
try is ginerally er man dat nine times
outer ten KANT git credit fur 30 cents.
ArEdnslW 1rdveier.
So many lawyers neglected their
business to engage in politics that
every law school should have Il class
in "How to get hold of Office. .'-NesO
Orleans Rcayane.
After church: Spoggs-Was it not
disgraceful, the way in which Smiggs
snored in church to-dayp Stuggs-I
should think it was. Why, he woke
us all up.-The Reviea0.
The only men who are down on news
papers for ''making public opinion"
are criminals who stand good show
for conviction and the lawyers who
are retained to defend them.-Detroit
Free Press.
Max O'Rcll regards wealth as de-
stroyer of wit We are afraid that
Max is little off on that point. 1t
cannot be wealth that destroys the wit
of the paragraphers on funny papers.
Boston Post.
Nothing is more pernicious than
the habit of contracting debts" re-
marked father to his spendtnrift son.
Don't you think expanding them is a
little worse?" asked the latter.-Pitts-
bury Chronicle.
II is all well enough to say that thir-
teen is an unlucky number, but Amer
lea started in business with thirteen
States, and seemed to be holding her
own up to the time of going to press.
London TTd-Bits.
Julian Hawthorne's new story is
called ''The fatal Letter." 1t is sup
posed she discovered it in her hus-
bands coat-pocket six weeks after she
had placed it in his hands to mail
Norristown Herald.
The Augusta NewS calls for the
young men to come down to the front.
Should this be followed many bald
head who has for years been sitting by
the orchestra rail will feel lonely
F., Baltimore american.
A Copenhagen party given by a
Brooklyn lady the other night was a
| dismal failure. She was indiscreet
enough to invite Gen. Sherman, and
the rest of the male guests went away
dissatisfied. It'd Bits.
Twenty-three members of the pres.
ent Congress claim to have been news.
paper-men at some stage of their de-
velopment- into statesmen. That is
how the profession gets its bad repu
tation.-MinneapoIiS Tribune.
Wonderful: Mr.. d. Sappy-Ya-as
time works wonders. Why, when
was born l was the youngest in my
family, and now have faw bwothers
younger than myself. Admiring Grove
Isn't it extraordinary!-LJe.
Another one: According to an ole
superstition of the medieval church
whenever cock crows a lie. is being
told. The reason the cock crows 81
persistently in the early mornin:
hours is because the morning pa
pers are being set up.-American He
breW.
First student of chemistry-There
Jack, I distilled that spring waite
fifty times. bet you can't find any
thing in it by any test you know
enough to apply. Second chemica
student-Can't ehp You just let m,
friend Anthony Comstock run his ey
over it.-Life.
Where they landed: Newspaper ad
vertiser-Been sending circulars t
people, see. Business rival-Um-
yes, sent out a small lot last night
How did you find it outP II saw then
scattered around the post-office foo
where the people get their letters
Omaha World.
First Chicago woman-''Have yo,
been to any of the Daniel Tee lect
uresp" Second Chicago woman =
You mean the Dante lectures, l guess.
First Chicago woman-"Yes, that
what they call him, but l think sue
familiarity shows mighty poor breed
."-PHtsburg Chronicle.
Travellers in Africa tell us that il
certain tribes the children kill thei
parents when they become too old t
work. Some rich and fashionable fam
lilies in Cincinnati have shown them
selves to be more than human-the
send the old folks to an asylum. =
Macon Telegraph.
In the House lobby: A man ar
proaches another man-Ah, Mr.. Blank
good morning. Pm just going to tn