Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1888-09-19
GROCERY GRossNEss.
4 Comedy Drama In One Act
Taken from Real Life.
Dramatis Persone; Mrs. Owebill, n Regu-
lar Customer; Miss OIdstOck, Her Sis
ter; Mr.. Dunmore, Meek and
LOng-Suffering Grocer.


lngs do, deari
Miss O.-Just the thing. 1 should say.
Mrs. Dwell, let's look at the apples.
Have you any choice apples, Mr.. Dunmorel
Mr.. D.-Yes'm, here are some Of the finest,
fifty cents peck; how many will you havei
Mrs. o. eating onel-Wen (munch-
munch), hardly know (munch-munch),
guess they're too dear (munch-munch), 1
think / will look at some Goldfish. Have you
any real nice boneless codi
Mr.. D.-Finest In the market, ma'am;
here are the goods.
Mrs. O.-What do you think Of some
picked up fish for tea, dearf
Miss O.-GOod as any thing, / should
think (tasting), this Is nice fish.
Mrs. O.-(Tearing of strip SO IL is;
(chew-chow) how do you sell this, Mr.. Dun
morei CChew-chew)
Mr.. D.-That ~ something extra, ma'am,
twenty cents pound.
Mrs. O.-(Still chewing.) OH chew
chew how exorbitantl (chew-chew) i can't
think OF paying that (chew-chew1 I guess
/ will take some raisins and have a rice pud-
ding Let me see some raisins, please.
Mr.. D.-Here are some extra London
layers, ma'am; fine lot, eighteen cents
only.
Mrs. o. eating a spray)-They are nice,
amt they, deari
Miss o. (also eating)-Yum-yumy yes, very
nice indeed.
Mrs. O.-You may (gluck- glucl) send me
a pound Of those, please. Now then tgluck-
gluck), want some crackers. Have you
any that's good, Mr.. Dunmorei
Mr.. Dyes, ma'am; here are some fine
soda waters, fifteen pound.
Mrs. o. taking onel Fifteen cents
Dear me (crack-cracl), how high they are;
(crack-crack) well, must have pound Of
them Try them, dear (crack-craclx) do
you like theml
Miss o. camping them)-Yes (crack-
crack-craclE, they'll do.
Mrs. O.-Some cheese would be nice.
Mss O.-Yes, with the crackers.
Mr. D.-This is a new lot, ladies', choice,
mild, and only twenty cents pound.
Mrs. o. (slcing of a quarter section)-
II looks nice (chomp-chomp); yes, that Is
nice; but twenty cents a pound (chomp-
chomp) Amt that rather steep for cheesel
Mr. D.-Ohl not NJ all, ma'am, not at all
steep. You can't duplicate this In town.
Mrs. O.-What do you think, my dear;
would you like some cheese.
Miss o. (helping herselD-Yes, think 50;
and this is (smack-smackO just delicious
(smack-smaclx) but it's too high.
Mrs o. (chomp-chOmp)- Yes, indeed,
but (chomp-chomp), Wen take a half q
pound Of it any way.
Miss O.-Yes (smack-smacl), that will be
thousands.
Mrs. O.-Have you any nice butter, Mr..
Dunmorel
Mr. D.-Plenty of it; gilt edge, extra
creamery, forty cents, ma'am.
Mrs. O.-Forty cents Obi oh why do we
have 10 eat butter And | suppose its but
fall Init or
Miss O.-Yes, of course | can. Let me
taste it (scooping out a big piece with the
cheese knife), that's good, pretty good, any
way.
Mrs. o. Casting but 1 don't
like the flavor. Show me some other,
please.
Mr. D.-Here is some not quite so good,
though it's not so bad at thirty-fve ma'am-
Mrs. o. Qick-liclx)-No so bad goodness
that's strong enough 10 do housework
(tcw-tew). No, guess / won't take any but
ter, but you may send some fresh eggs, il
you have any real nice fresh ones. Let me
sec, well, send me dozen, please. Is there
any thing else, Dollyl
Mr.. ID. (sotto voce) wonder she doesn't
want TO taste these eggs.
Miss O.-Nothing else that know of.
Mrs. OIL guess that's all. Please send
D
there's pickles. What kinds have youl
Mr.. D.-GirlSins, caulihower, onions, chow
chow, pigs feet and tripe, ma'am.
Mrs. O.-What kind do you like, Dollyi
Miss O.-The onions are my favorite,
think, but j like chow-chow as well.
Mrs. Dwell, let us see the Ohow-chow,
/ please; think we will take some of that.
/ Mr. D.-There it is, ma'am, fresh and
/ clean; in bulk or by the bottle.
/ Mrs. y. (tastingl-I don't fancy that
much, dear; taste it and see how you like it.
| Miss o. picking out a chunk of cauli-
/ 1ower)-Oh, it's real nice, it's got lots OF
cauliflower in il. Let's get some.
Mrs. Dwell, let me see. How do you
sell IL, Mr.. Dunmorel
Mr.. D.-Thirty quart, ma'am.
Mrs O.-Thirty. Well, you may send me
pint Now, then, 1 think that is all
Please send up the things at once, and Mr.
Owebill will call and settle. exit ladies'.
Mr.. ID. (plunging the cheese knife into
a comedy Seg of oleomargarine, and thrust
ing his arms knee-deep into his trousers
pockets) well, dog my granny's cats
That's cool enough TO give a fellow a baC
cold. Mr.. Owebill viii call and settle, will
hel Well, If he does, I'll be apt TO find i
out, and ioyfully surprised in the bargain
Mr. Owebill, If l am not mistaken, hasn'
had a touch of rcmOrse since the collector
dun horse and wagon made him a call, and i
l amt greatly mistaken he will have a doc
tors bill 10 Jungle up when those apples
raisins, cheese, Goldfish, pickles and thing
begin 10 get more familiar with their sur
roundings. Great grief but some peopl
are indurable. Them that pay as they &
are particular, but them that tick as the
go are exacting. Alack-a-day, If it amt tn
people themselves it's their horrid ways
but it'n all come out in the wash, suppose
-Frdnk r. Helch, On Philadelphia Grocer.