The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-04-26

/ / had mentioned in a casual way that we
needed some dishes, new carpet and some table
linen, and that must get down town aud buy
them, when Mr.. Bowser came home at o'clock
one afternoon and said:
| o." Well, are you all Teady?"
For what?"
"Why, to go down and buy those things"
But didn't know you wanted to go. In
deed, wish you wouldn't"
Oh, you do Are you ashamed to be seen
with me on the street,"
You know 1 not. I'm fraid you
you"
Well, what?"
you'll jaw folks and get into quarrel"
Mrs. Bowser, are you getting soft in the
head Jaw folks! Get into a quarrel!
| Humph! Are you comng?"
We first visited the carpet store. l had not
yet made UP my mind whether to buy brussels
or velvet, nor whether to get light or dark
/ coors / expected to take chair and have
the clerk roll down about so pieces of each
kind, and to be all of two hours making up my
mind. One clerk ran to place chairs for us.
A second arranged the window curtins, and
third inquired of Mr.. Bowser:
Did you wish to look at some carpets ?"
Did / come here to buy oysters?" de-
manded Mr.. Bowser
Alum Light or dark colors?"
Light"
{" But the dark are all the style, you know"
81 don't know anything of the sort There
are plenty Of white horses aud houses, and
white shirts and hats; and l don't know why
light carpets shouldn't be fashionable. Roll
down this piece"
Yes, sir; but you won't like it. This dark
pattern is what Mrs. Governor Smith selected
for her front bedroom"
Yes. Well, l may get that for my horse
barn later on. Send up q man to measure the
room. and give me that light pattern"
Why, Mr. Bowser." l said, You haven't
I selected already"
] Certainly"
But we-we-"
Five minutes are enough for any one to Sc
. lcct a carpet Mrs. Bowser. We want body
brussels, aud we want light ground. That's
all there is 10 it. We Will now 60 over and
bug the table linea."
But can't l have time to look around ?"
Time! What DO you want of time? You
. want three linen tablecloths and two dozen
napkins. We've got the money TO pay for 'em.
/ What more is desiredgp
/ " But it is so sudden"
So arc earthquakes. Well go in here"
! We entered dry goods store and sat down
to the linen counter. A young man came for
ward to wait on Us, and after being told what
I was wanted, he queried
50 you want some real linen. Well, here
I Is something can recommend"
Is that all linenf'
/ Yes, sir"
Is it p asked Mr.. Bowser, as he turned to
me-
didn't think it was, bat told Mr.. Bowser
/ to let it go. 1t was the custom in all dry-goods
/ stores to lie about such things, and no one
thought of raising a VOW
Madame" said Mr.. Bowser, as he took the
/ cloth over to a motherIy old lady, is this all
/ linen -
No SIR it's half cotton :" she replied, az
/ ter an inspection.
Where's the proprietor of this store ?" he
demanded of the clerk
/ "I-I'll call him, sir"
! The proprietor came up.
q Is that linen ?" asked hr. Bowser.
IL passes for linen, sir"
"Ifyou put cows horns and tail on a horse
/ he'd pass for COW, wouldn't her Sir, this
! looks to me like petty swindle, and one you
ought to be ashamed Of"
The proprietor began to blow up the clerk
1 and the clerk said he'd resign and as we got
out doors pennod Mr. Bowser into a doorway,
and said:
"PIl never, never dare enter this store
again ="
Z" Don't want You to- The man is a liar and
| the clerk lied by his instructions. Wen try
another"
The next store was crowded, and as we reach
/ ed the linen counter it was to find every stool
occupied. l tried to get Mr. Bowser out, an
| ticipating trouble, but unfortunately at that
moment one lady observed to another:
Dear me, but this Is the third afternoon I've
come down town TO buy a table-cloth, and l
! haven't got suited yet"
And l want four crash towels, and I've been
all over town twice" replied the other
Here, you !" snapped Mr.. BoWser to the
clerk, s. are you busy2
Waiting on these ladies, sir"
Have they bought anything?'
mo. sir"
Are they going to-"
IL don't know"
"Well Pye no time to fool away. We want
three linen table-cloths and two dozen nap
| kns."
The ladies arose in great Indignation Each
Of them gave me q look that pierced me to the
heart and each one gave Mr. Bowser look
which ought 10 nave shortened him two feet
but which had no apparent effect. In seven
| minutes We had found what we wanted paid
the bill, and were ready to 20. The clerk act
ed bit sulky, aud Mr.. Bowser was getting
/ ready TO give him blast when | appealed to
him 70 hold his peace. | told him il was the
custom iorsereraI thousand ladies TO come down
town every afternoon TO shop, and that shop
ping consisted Of promenading up and down to
show their suits of to lot Of well-drCssed loaf
ers, and entering the stores and taking an hour
and a half to buy a six-pence worth of lace or
ribbon. The clerk melted a little at the same
moment and | got Mr. Bowser out without
! another eruption.
NOW lot the ulSneS ne SAID as ne got out,
and we went to q crockery store.
Ny heart sank as / saw the place crowded
with ladies. We halted beside one who was
saying to a clerk:
And 50 that toothpick holder is six cents?"
Only six, madame"
How very cute?"
Yes it is"
"And it is imported 2"
1t is"
How very. very charming! This is the
same one l saw yesterday, is it2"
Oh, certainly"
Dear me, but ! wish I could make up my
mind whether to take it or not You see, we
may move in the Spring and if we moved, you
/ know"
81 want about sI5 worth Of Dishes" inter
ruptcd Mr. Bowser.
Yes, sir; in just moment"
How many of those toothpick holders have
you got?"
Only five"
"pll take the lot; and now come and wait
on me. / want II cups and saucers, 81 plates
three or four platters, two tureens and fish
platter"
The lady turned about and killed me dead
with one long look. Then tshe looked at the
back Of Mr.. Bowser's neck and tried to murder
him, but he would not fail. Then she returned
and killed me over again, gave her shoulders