Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-07-18

The fast young man is usually slow
with his creditors. Merchant Tray
eler.
There are several large coin collec
tors in the United States. jay Gould
is probably the largest.-Ex.
1t is somewhat remarkable that
even the most delicate girl is not
afraid of taking cold ; at least not
when it comes in the form of ice
cream.-Ex.
Visitor-Where's your parrot.
Old Bachelor-Bounced for telling
the truth.
Visitor-What did he say.
Old Bachelor-He yelled all day,
"Im not paid for. ."-Ex.
Minister-So you go to school, dc
you, Bobbyl
Bobby-Yes, sir.
Let me hear YOU spell kitten.
I'm getting to big boy to spell
kitten. Try me on cat.-Ex.
She-Oh, look at that Indian, with
his feather head-dress
He-Yes, fine feathers.
Well, why do the Indians wear
them that way
To keep his wigwam.-Somerville
Journal.
"Might l ask who lives here p
asked a polite gentleman of strang-
er he met in front of handsome
mansion.
Certainly, sir" AS politely replied
the other.
"Who is it ?"
"Darned if | know" replied the
stranger.-Ex.
Jones-Yes, Miss Clara gave me
every reason to think that she was in
terested in me, but when / asked her
to be my wife she unqualifedly y refus-
ed.
Mrs. De Bullion-On what grounds
did she refuse you?
On the lawn tennis grounds in her
fathers own yard.-Life.
Baltimore BELIEF wonder who this
Miss Nellie Jones is 1?
Philadelphia BELLE never heard
of her. Why7
| see a western paper says "Miss
Nellie Jones is the prettiest girl in
New York"
Indeed Let me see. Which poet
was it that said something about
Claiming with faint praise ?"-Ex.
Jim Dabiney, is Galveston drum
mer who has a rather frisky wife
when he was away from home.
"How do you like my travelling suit,
my DEAR" he inquired the other day,
Just before he started out on the road.
ut looks very nice. I'd rather see
you in your travelling suit than in
any other you have got" was the un-
guarded reply.-Texas Siftings.
A lady is showing visitor the fam
lily portraits in the picture gallery.
"That officer there in the uniform" F"
she says, "was my great-grandfather.
He was as brave as n lion, but one of
the most unfortunate of men-he new
er fought a battle in which he did not
have either an arm or a leg car
ried away" Then she adds, proudly /:
"He took part in twenty-four engage
ments. ."-Ex.
see you are building a new house,
Mr.. Brown?
Yes, you are right.
Made the money out of whisky, |
suppose?
No.
Why, you are liquor dealer, are
you not?
Oh, yes, but the money Pm putting
into this house was made out of the
water put in the whisky.-Arkan-
saw Traveller.
Beatrice wants to know what the
beau ideal is. The beau ideal is the
beau with a purse that will stand the
ice cream all summer and the oysters
all winter who will come when he is
wanted and go when he il. mot; who
will-but of the things that the beau
ideal will cheerfully do and cheerful.
ly not do there is no end. Strive to
attain unto him, Beatrice. The beau
real you will find rather a shabby fell
low in comparison.-Judge.
Hello, Tompkins, my dear fellow,
you're just the man I've been looking
for.
No I! is that so?
Yes. Look here, | want to borrow
$40 from you Must have it. Very
important. If you can let me have
il | will pay you $40 to-morrow-100
per cent. Big spec. See?
Well, that does look like good