Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1888-05-31
UPON THE BALCONY.

UPuN me BALCONY.
Professor Paul Microbe sat intently
gazing at the house across the way,
and Tor once in his life lounged in a
perfectly natural position, with a re-
Taxed and human look on his lace. II
would have been plain to the dullest
that Tor once in his life, any rate. the
professor had forgotten al about him
sell. his stomach, his dyspepsia and
malarial tendencies, his theories on
bacteria, and, more than all, the inn
portant fact that precisely at 6:15 it
was his custom to partake of pint
OF new milk scaldea and two slices OF
stale Graham bread toasted. The
professor was tall, lantern jawed,
slabsided and sedate. He lived by
theory; in fact, life itself was theory
to him; he had a theory by which he
led his stomach, theory by which he
pruned his mind and made it sprout
only on the north or scientific side, a
theory by which he raised his chill
dren, and innumerable theories
regarding diseases on which he
wrote books, taught in a
college, lectured in Boston and
killed people in an experimental way.
lie only ate certain foods, and then
only at certain times. aud in the ca
pacity of a guest would have been, /
tear, thoroughly impossible. A per-
son who shifts at salad and asks
stispiciously sis that oil in it2" who
holds your Hospitality offered cup OF
tea of at arms length while he rudely
queries green or black?' who can't
or won't ride backward, nor sit in a
room without an accurately measur-
ed amount of ventilation, is, con-
tend, a thoroughly impossible person
and not TO be thought of as chum,
aguest or in any OF the more inti-
mate relations oil llfe-
Professor Mierobe lived in a city tar
removed from this gay, seductive
southern town, and his duty was fac
from here, but what with his theories,
his dyspepsia and his skim milk sys-
tenn OF starving his stomach, he had
pretty nearly experimental himself
of into the lard from which no ex-
perimenter has yet returned, and had
been ordered of south for a complete
change OF scene, food, air and mode OF
life.
Said his doctor to him: "For heav-
ems sake, man, quit your fooling with
YOURSELF. shake yourself together and
live as God Almighty intended you
should. You are a monster now-a
deiormity. Eat plenty, drink plenty,
laugh, 60 to the opera. 20 the theatre,
dance. and, il Mrs. Mierobe here will
let you. TALL in love" "lf that is
your theory, OF course, DOCTOR" said
that sandy lady. Mrs. Mierobe really
was lady who seemed to grit in the
teeth. The professor had married her
in pursuance OF theory, and the re-
suit OF that marriage had been two or
three surly, unruly, ill hammered cubs,
who bid fair to grow to mans estate
heartily hating theories and theorists.
And so, to cut a long story short,
the professor came south. leaving be.
hind him everything and everybody
which comprised life from his point of
view. The savants welcomed him,
and made much of him. therefore he
liked the south. A man would think
1t fair summer at the south
pole if only there was some
one there to keep his vanity warm.
But the hotel did not suit him. as he
was constantly uncertain about the
newness OF his milk and the age OF
his Graham bread, and so, by a
stroke from Foftune-a merry dame
who marked him for victim, and
intended to have some fun with him
--he found lodgings IN Il charming
cd Spanish house in the very heart
OF the French quarter. 1t was a
room quite too lovely for dissertation
by u dusty old professor, however
distinguished, who lived on theories
and oat meal mush and was full of
bacteria. 1t was front room in an
entresol over q furniture shop, with
arched Spanish windows blinking
out on a balcony OF wrought iron OF
most exquisite beauty. In corner
of the balcony stood one OF those
grand old water jars with peeine
sides of yellow, brown and salmon
and which might have held two or
three of the ''forty thieves" but in
stead was full OF earth. for splendid
rose vine that clamhered all over the
fume stealing shyly into the room so
deseerated by microscopes and bot
ties of liver pills and bundles of medi.
Gated red flannel. and the Lord
knows what in the way of instur-
ments for the detection and location
of bacteria.
There was faded Administer car
pet on the floor, carved bed in
which had slept q king of France and
a prince of Spain, an armoir large
enough for a tomb for some Italian
benevolent association. dressing
stand inlaid with mother OF pearl.
cabinets, arm chairs, tete-a-tetes GOV.
cred in frayed brocateiles that had
cost a fortune q yard, q pier glass
that one could not break with sledge
hammer, faded tapestries at the arch
ed doors, old marble vases in the
inches where once some demoiselle
had prayed to her shrined Virgin, and
in tho midst of all this the professor,
or, to speak correctly, his belongings,
for at the moment the learned MEM
Der OF a dozen scientific societies, the
eminent Fellow and PHI. d., was hang
ing over the balcony watching the
house across the way.
Wax tapers burned on the marble
table and the steam had ceased from
the pint of new milk in itsfragile bowl,
but still he sat watching the
house opposite. He saw lights,
colors and many persons moving
about, chairs scattered any how in a
fashion that would have scandslized
Mrs. Microbe, or the professor either,
i'm his own house; books. music, flow
ers, magazines, an open piano, n gui-
tar, q dog all rutiled up III old gold
ribbon, cat jingling q silver bell at
her blue neck, a tray with glasses on
it and a bottle that WAS neither lime
water nor apol.inaris, nor yet ginger
beer, and moving about here and
there glorious woman with night
black hair piled on the top OF her
beautiful head, with bare neck and
arms, daintily slippered feet and a
laugh that seemed to stir the few re-
naming bristles on the professors
head as he listened, SO sweet and Sc
ductive it was. She wore q black and
white gown, and once she reached out
her long lair arm alter red roses
crammed in blue bowl. She gather
ed up handful of the flowers and
-. 4.,,o1 them, IN her hreagt turning