The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-03-16
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Patent N0strum Lecturers UndIeninod
Exit from Paradise Halt

A Patent N0strum Lecturers UndIgnifiod
Exit from Paradise Hall
When the meeting opened, Brother
Gardner announced that Hon. Ring
bone Blyins, of Kankakee. had arrived
In Detroit for the purpose of lecturlng
before the Limekiln Club. The sub
ject Of ths lecture was: HAS de World
Advanced fur 'nuff" " He had been be-
fore the Committee ON Inquiry. and
had answered all questions. and lac
would now be brought In aud given
every opportunity 10 acquit himself
with honor. II was subject of deep
interest To every member of the club.
and II was hoped that each and every
one would pay the closest attention tu
the strangers remarks
The Committee on Reception and
Abduction escorted Hon. Bivins into
the hall amidst profound silence. He
was stately-looking man of mitdle
age. having cast To one eye and some
trouble in one Of his knees. He bowed
right and left with the grace and suav-
lty Of an Emperor. and upon ascend
Ing the platform gently observed:
'My frens. do not come befo' ycu
as an impostor. nor yet as an ahjndica-
tor. ! come heah bekase / feel dat
know mo- dan you do. an dat IL ar
my dooty to divide my knowledge will
you. l hey often heard dis club spo-
ken of. an allus Ia terms of de highest
disrespect / am highly pleased To
stand face 10 face wild sich an ignoble
audience. an II any Of you desire To
meet me arter dis lectur' Is over AN
Invest twenty-five cents in box of d.,
celebrated Bivins' con an bunyon
salve, | assure you you will nebber hev'
cause 10 regret H."
.'Misser Presidentl'' called the Rev
Penstock as sc suddenly shot up. ..has
dis gem Ian arroye heah to deiiber
leetur' or 10 peddle nostrnma"
"Dat's what should like to hev him
answeri' replied the President
81 hev bin on de platform TWENTY-FIVE
long ya'rs." said the Hon. Ring
bone as he looked around the hall. ian
dis ar de fust time was eber insulted. /
shall refuse to proceed until dis club
has rendered an apology"
''If you has lectur' you can GO on
wild it," said Brother Gardner, "but IL
you come heah to advertise n co'n-cure
de sooner you retire 20 de alley de
better II will be fur us ALL"
at AR Perfeekly plain to me-" said
the orator. with peck or so Of sarcasm
In his voice. ''dat any lectur' / could
,leliber befo' dis club would be frown
away. / darfO' withdraw. wish ron
all goodnight"
al want to warn de gineral public
right heah an now. said the President.
after Biyins had retired. ''dat dis club
AR no sheep fold fur root an con doe
tabs. DE mex pussen who works his
way in heah sn' tries dat game on US
will be made heart-sick fur the balance
of dc winteri Will Brudder Giyeadam
Jones see dat de gem Ian finds de alley
stairs all rightP"
Brother Jones had already slipped
out and with this purpose In view. He
was gone ten minutes. When he re-
turned his necktie was gone and his
coat torn down tho back. The Hon.
Ringbone had evidently resisted. but
the keeper of the bar traps measured
the dent in the frozen ground in the
alley and said IL was just the size of a
.'ork barrel and ten inches deep. The
lecturers suspender buttons must have
been driven higher than his ears.-Dc-
froit Free Press.