Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1888-10-26
FAKERS OF THE PAVE.
A REPORTERS EXPERIENCE WITH
CHICAGO STREET MERCHANTS.

The Wonderful Instrument Which Even
Newton's Genius Failed to Discover.
The Magic Bean and Its virtues-'Turk-
ish Delight Confectionery.
81 have here, ladies and gentlemen, an in
genious little instrument, worth its weight
in gold. No well regulated family can afford
to be without it. 1t affords comfort to the
old, pleasure to the middle aged and amuse-
ment to the young. Newton, the greatest
philosopher that ever lived, spent days and
nights studying to invent something like it,
but failed 1t is an inspiration of genius,
gentlemenn-
The speaker was long haired, greasy
looking faker standing at the corner Of Mad
ison and Market streets. In an open tray be-
fore him he had some dozens of the wonder
full instruments whose powers he was so elo-
quently eulogizing.
His audience addressed as Ladies and gen.
tlenen" consisted of three or four Italian
bootblacks, district messenger boy, tired
grocer man pushing truck and two rusty
looking countrymen. The latter were his
most attentive listeners, and on them he
focused the full stream of his eloquence
"For the cost of one dime, gentlemen you
| can purchase this beautiful little instrument
No more profanity in your house, no more
| need to exchange the joys of single bliss for
| the cares and anxiety of married misery, no
| more weary waiting up nights for some one
to sew buttons on your only pair. With
this little instrument you can thread needle
in Egyptian darkness, sew button on while
you wait and enjoy life while you're young. ;
| CAUGHT THE coUNTRYMEN
The last sentence caught the countrymen
| Two brawny arms held forth dimes, and il
return received each a duplicate of the won
derful piece of mechanism which had baffiec
| Newton's skill
A few moments later reporter was trying
to buy out the fakers whole stock on pre-
tense of going into the business. The pat
ent needle threaders," " of which he had abou
five dozen left, he offered to sell at the rat
of 80 cents gross.
"You mean a dozen, surely r.
mo, fifty cents gross; l want to get ou
of town.
A call at place where the advertisement
said men were wanted to earn $50 a week of
a capital of IS found little old man who's
eyes twlnked and sparkled like the big dis
mond which he wore on bis hand
Can you singp asked the little old man
The reporter acknowledged that b
couldn't
'Coniure!'
"A few school boy tricks"
"Captialr' said the old man, gleefully
This is what You want Hall marked gol
rings-every one stamped-warranted thi
teen carat, or return money; throw in a ha
dollar with every fifth ring; mix 'erh up an
there you are, only one dime. Cost you
cents gross"
[ Show me something else"
: Here's a patent cement, warranted
hold house aud lot together Take pie,
of plate glass, break into pieces about 6
/ inch square, fasten them with cement, and
| teu-horse power steam engine couldn't pu
them apart without breaking the glas
Fifty cents gross. Nol Well, suppose "
z try combination penholder, with rubbe
pencil, knife and toothpick. Rather e
peusive-twenty shillings a gross-but Sc
!, like hot cakes at a quarter apiece
Finally the reporter allowed himself to
persuaded into buying a gross of CARR
bean Archipelago nuts" warranted to Gu
rheumatism, sick headache, toothache, lul
bago, dyspepsia, sciatica, eczema, ingrowil
toenaIs, chiIis and fever, sore eyes, corl
warts and bunions