The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1888-08-02
NEWSPAPER HumOR
WRITTEN WITH A SIX DOLLAR PAIR OF
SHEARS

W NiA AhN WIN n Ola DOLLAh fA1R Of
SHEARS.
To prevent pi-lock it up Nick.
When the letter m is fully established
as the standard of composition measure
ment the Ems. will have less to do with
the men.
Why didn't you get some eggs from
the hens nests this morningr I" asked
farmer OF his son, who answered "Be-
cause there weren't any. If the hens
laid any they misaid 'em, so they can't
be found"
In what condition was the patriarch
Job at the end Of his life q asked Brook.
lyn Sunday school teacher of a quiet
looking boy at the foot of the class,
Dead, calmly replied the quiet-looking
boy.
My dear, what makes you always yawn""
The wife exclaimed, her temper gone
rs home so dull and drearyy"
mot so, my love, ," he said, mot so;
But man and wife are one, you know,
And when alone I'm weary"
Very Singular.-A young lady at an
examination in grammar was asked
Why the noun bachelor was singular1' p
She replied Immediately, with much mai
vette Because it is very singular they
don't get married.
One of the managers of a hospital
asked an lrishman which he considered
the most dangerous of the many cases
then in the hospital, That, sir said
Paddy, as he pointed to where on the ia
BILE laid case of surgical instruments.
Two Irishmen were passing some
black bushes. What's these, Mixer
inquired Pat of his companion. Nothing
but blackberrIes,' said the latter. But
they are red, Mike. Well, Pat, black.
berries are always red when they're
green
Toddleklnsi is very small man indeed,
but he said he never minded it at all un-
til his three boys grew up to be tall,
strapping young fellows and his wife
began to cut down their old clothes and
cut them down to fit him. And then he
said he did get mad.
DR.. Tanner, the faster, has been ac-
cused of taking nutriment out of a
sponge. Well, if this is so, the expert.
ment has demonstrated a wonder, as it
is the first time we ever heard of any
body getting anything out of sponge.
1t has always been the other way.
The types last week made US say that
the showers were mot sufficient to meet
the wants of milkmen,' ETC., instead Of
millmen. Not bad joke on the part Of
the types although not applicable to our
local yenders, who furnish the pure ar
ticle, rich and nice.
AT an Indiana breakfast table few
days ago traveller from the East hand
ed to one Of his fellow travellers plate
Of sausages, whereupon the question was
asked ls 1t safe? To which was re-
piled This is a prolific hog country and
1t is safe to eat sausages wherever hog
ls cheaper than dog.
A gentleman in New Orleans was
agreeably surprised to find a plump tur-
key served up for the dinner, and IN
quired of his servant how it had been
obtained. Why, sir, replied Sambo, dat
turkey has been roosting on our fence
for free nights. So dis morning seized
him for de rent OF de fence.
An old farmers wife who had ser
want that was notorious for breaking
dishes on one occasion fell asleep in
church. During her slumbers her elbow
unluckily overturned a Bible, when to
the amazement of her fellow worship.
pers she was heard to mutter in a very
audible voice Another bowl, ye hissie
No, exclaimed Mr.. Penhecker, no ma
dam, | object most decidedly. Once and
for all | say 1.-THE girls shall not be
taught foreign languages. And why not
prayi said Mrs. p. with whitening sar-
casm. Because, said Mr.. p. with more
withering sarcasm, because, Mrs. P. one
tongue is enough for any woman Mrs.
| Penhecker responded not.