Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1888-12-13
THE QUEEN ANNE HOUSE.
Why 1t Can Be Called an Excrescence on
the Face of Nature.


Why 1t Can Es Called an Excrescence ON
the Face of Nature.
l have been looking into the ques-
ton of the Queen Anne house; and I
now state deliberately that, in my opin-
ion. Queen Anne house is an excres-
cence on the face of Nature / feel i'm
peeled to say this thing. because have
associated with large numbers of these
houses, and have lived amongst them
upon all degrees of intimacy without
bitterness or hard feeling. I can not
approve OF houses of this character,
and / truly think that if they were rife
at the time, it is but small matter of
wonderment that the good Queen Anne
had to die, but rather that she lived as
long as she did. These are the houses
that one often sees seated alone by
themselves in vacant lots. away out in
SHOCKS and Snodgrass additions, but for
the most part standing together in such
portions of the suburbs as are called
Ivy Leaf and Maplewood and Bitter
root. As to the roofs of such houses,
they are generally covered with so
many parapets and minarets, and
sharp-pointed prongs and points of
various kinds, that not even the En-
glish sparrow can abide for moment
amongst them, but goest elsewhere for
Judgement and shelter.
Then there are gables and towers
without let or hindrance Caryatids
uphold the bowers and protuberances
of all kinds, while the rain-water purls
forth from the mouths of appropriated
gargoyles, and the front door is gen.
orally beset with a rampant hippogriff,
or some other NEUROLOGICAL creature.
In these houses the windows are
placed in the most extraordinary places
about the caves and the parapets, and
are filled with fragments of glass of
variegated colors, which convert the
pure light of day into some such color
as giraffe yellow or elephant purple.
Or any other of those colors that are
wholly distasteful and in no wise cheer
ing to the soul. The doors in such an
edifice you will perhaps find begirt
with brass hinges, and bestudded all
about with large nails; and, upon
opening a door of this kind, you will,
in all likelihood, fall down three flights
of stairs into the cellar before you
realize that the Queen Anne house is
built largely for the sake of the brass
studded door, Some of these houses
stand aloft on ornamental stills of vari-
0us colors, while others crouch savage
ty upon the ground, so that it is a mat
ter of some danger to approach such
house. And the coloring of these
houses is marked and pronounced. For
some appear to be girt with yellow
stripes, while others are red, with blue
stripes; and yet others are notified and
spotted and bedaubed with paints of
all kinds and colors, so that they ap-
pear altogether too hideous to look
upon. Houses of this character are
often ornamented with conventional
designs, such as scrolls and wreaths
and fishes and birds; also with pro-
nounced checks and plaids. And these
designs are sometimes picked out with
hammer or an axe, or are, perhaps, |
inlaid with fragments of broken bot
ties, which is considered a conceit al
together chaste, but which / admire !
not at all.
In the erection of such house, I |
must think that utility is sacrificed to |
effect, for one finds the kitchen range |
in the garnet, while the parlor opens
into the ice-bOx, and person must |
perhaps sleep in a bower or an cave, |
with his feet largely exposed upon the |
varandah.
Inside the Queen Anne house, there |
are many sorts of startling things. |
Hidden traps which open into the |
coal-bin. There are also many fire.
places of the very smallest dimen-
sions, and these are generally filled |
with brass andirons and golden rod I
and asters. Then there are things of |
all sorts that are always waiting to be |
overturned and broken. Articles of |
Uertu in brass and wood and gold and |
bronze, besides pieces of old china and |
other things.
Every thing in such a house is alto
gether select; but, all the same, l dis
like Queen Anne houses, and l think
them to be in no wise fitted for habita-
ton, and much less for such things as
eating and sleeping and drinking, in
each of which 1 conceive that a we'll
ordered house should cut considerable
al