Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1888-06-15

A Jersey City sausage welded by q
sturdy butcher vas the implement
which broke three OF the other bellow's
RIOS They are easy 60 car y, are not
affected by the climate, and the SEQ
ond blow Is sure TO be fatal
Physician-'How did the sedative
powder affect your wife last night, Mr..
Smith,"
Mr.. Smith-'Disastrously."
'DisastrOusly." Wasn't
she able to sleep?''
Mr. Smith-Sleepl Why, the baby
cried from midnight until morning,
and she slept through It all. New
York Sun.
It was just after the tiff. "I won
der" snarled Romeo. eff We shall
know each other in heaven?" az
would remember you. of course" re-
piled Juliet, with tender emphasis;
''but. of course, I couldn't know you
without meeting you" And q period
OF silence as long as a centennial poem
erept into the room.
An Indian was asked by a mission
airy: care you willing to abstain
from work on Sundays?'' eyes, and
not only on Sundays but on all other
/ days as Welll''
doctor, can you tell me what will
prevent my food from hurting me9''
Nothing easier. Don't eat it."
''Hal hal very good Joke" "Not at
/ all. Three dollars, please. If you
! have any further trouble come again.
/ A conductor poked his head in the
door OF a car and called out the sta
ton Sawyer" Whereupon q young
man on his wedding tour, who was
about to kiss his bride, yelled back:
/ 81 don't care if you did, sir; she's my
wife. "-Augusta Chronicle.
Ex-Boarding House Keeper lat
heavens gate)-May come in? St.
/ Peter-Pm afraid the children would
/ annoy you. The place without chill
/ dren IS over there to the Ieft.-Omaha
/ World.
''YOu can take the Witness" said
the prosecuting attorney in a trial be-
/ lore an Arkansas court to the de.
/ iendant's lawyer. JUDGE" exclain.
ed a young man in the back part Of
] the room, standing upon a seat and
waving his hands wildly, don't let
him take herl That witness has been
engaged to motor mOre'n three years"
Miss Al find your friend very en-
tertaining-when he fOrgets himself.
Is he an American or an Englishmal-s
Mr.. B.-NeIther, he's a BOstOnian.-
Life.
A family magazine contains q form
ula for making soap which winds up
this way: 'Then let the frugal house
wife sit on the stove and stir con-
stsntly." Well. We should say she
would stir constantly if seated on a
not stove. 1t Is safe to say the recipe
won't be used very extensively.
$50 you are going to move, Mrs.
Marjoram?" eyes, Mrs. sweetbrier;
into a lovely house on K-street."
/ HAS it a good view!'' 81 should say
it had. Why, we can look right into
the dining-rOOm next door and see the
family eat their meals" ''Dear, dear,
how lucky you always are"
/ There is an old story of R. NJ. Will
. hanson that when he was a Judge q
bullying lawyer in his court closed a
demand for an order by laying a
bOwieknife on the bar and saying
''that was the law of the CASE The
judge lifted a dOuble-barrei from the
bench and said 'that was the cOnsti-
tuition that controlled such law
Galveston News.
Hotel Waiter-''You are late for
lunch, sir" Eminent Physician
ayes, had to finish my magazine ar
tIcle on The laws of Health so as to
get it into the next mail. What have
you today" "HOt rolls, CLAIMS, plum
pudding, apple dumping, mince pie
land fruit cake" "Bring 'em all."-
/ Omaha World.
An exchange speaks of a Southern
girl who elOped with her loves on a
mule dressed in boys clothes" It was
q decidedly funny notion. A mule or
dinarily caparisOned is an odd animal
to select Tor such q romantic episode,
but a mule dressed in boys clothes
must have looked too ridiculous for
anything! If the object was to conceal
the character OF the beast the clipping
couple evinced a wOful lack OF iUdg-
ment.