The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-02-08
The Oatmeal Girl.

The Oatmeal Girl.
Alfred Moore was young, rich and
tolerably good-looking, and was looked
upon as a desirable match by all his
feminine acquaintance, who grieved
to see him wasting his years, for, in
the feminine mind, unmarried years
are wasted. But there was something
serious the matter with Alfred-he had
hobby. Any one who has male
relative affected with hobby, whether
it is politics, drainage, orchids, or poul-
try-raising, can realize how serious this
matter was on learning that Alfred's
hobby was health. This unfortunate
young man had dyspeptic father and
mother, and he had heard more about
ill-health ever since his childhood than
if he had attended a course of medical
lectures for years. His mother had to
have certain articles of diet continually
prepared for her dyspepsia and his
father, having slightly different style
of dyspepsia, had to have his meals
prepared especially for his needs. The
family atmosphere was always regulated
by dyspepsia. If depressed day hap
pened to take both parents at once
deep gloom prevailed over the house
hold. If depression seized upon one
parent on day when the other felt
cheerful there were apt to be conflict
ing breezes, with tendency to storms.
On days when both parents felt able to
order a pudding for next day Alfred
knew he might ask favors and obtain
indulgences, and he always improved
the occasion, well knowing that the
day after the pudding would be one of
darkness and despair. On cheerful
days Alfred's parents talked of nothing
but of what they wanted to eat; on
gloomy days they talked only of what
they had eaten. Having studied all
these phases of the fruits of good liv-
ing, Alfred realized that though his
youth had borne him safely through
years of luxurious dining there might
be wrecked digestion in store for
him, so he took advantage of his four
years of college life to cultivate an alb
stemious appetite and habit of taking
active exercise daily. Thus his hobby
thrived and grew, till it demanded
nothing less than that Alfred should
find for himself healthy wife or none.
For this eccentric frame of mind AL
fred's parents were directly responsible,
since it was impossible to contemplate
their sufferings, their temper and ap-
pearance without seeing that life would
not be worth living under like condi-
tons. But Alfred found it most diff
cult to satisfy the demand of his hobby,
being fettered in his efforts by that un-
comfortable old truism, Things are
not what they SEEM" He wanted a
partner for his fine and well-cared-for
digestion enclosed in the frame of a
pretty and intelligent girl; but, though
he knew dozens of delightful girls and
could have ascertained without difficulty
the exact state of their hearts Che be-
ing, as aforesaid, young, rich and hand
sOme), he was unable to feel positively
assured of the state of their digestive
organs. Rosy cheeks, bright eyes,
rounded forms and abundant hair were
all present to his sight, but how could
he be sure that their owners did not
have "blue spells" ," nervous attacks, ;"
and "temp'ry spells?' Perhaps they
also partook daily Of medicines-by
spoonfuls, by drops in tumblers of
water, by powders at meal-times. Had
he not seen all these things from his
youth up at home, even before his
mother lost her good looks 5? His
mother had been beauty and belle,
but years of dietetic mismanagement
had reduced her to the semblance of a
mummy.
If one could catch girl when quite
small, shut her up and feed her properly
happiness would be certain" reflected
Alfred. But as that could not be con-
veniently done in the present age of
barbarous civilization Alfred resolved
to find a girl as nearly up to his re-
mediately, and while the word " obey "
was still fresh in her memory restrict
her diet, form her mind and be happy.
There is sage old proverb among
the Persians to the effect that upon
every good resolve wait two genii, one
good and one bad. These parties were
doubtless on hand upon the evening
when Alfred met Flosse Brock. This
young woman had come from neigh
boring country town to visit Alfred
cousin, Jane Moore. Some days after
her arrival Alfred, with other young
, people, was spending the evening upon
the piazza of James home and, among
other things, they discussed their antici-
pated summer outings. Seashore, lakes
and mountains were named, and most of
the party were to be widely divided dur
ing August. In spite of tempting invita-
, tons Alfred had secretly decided on a
trip to the Virginia hunting-grounds,
when he heard Jane say: "And here's
} Flossie going to that stupid farm, where
there is no one to see and nothing to do,
Just so that she can climb trees! A
shout of laughter greeted this accusa-
ton, to which Miss Flossie replied only
by bright smile, which showed two
rows of exquisite teeth and dimple
in which Cupid might have taken board
for the summer. And there's nothing
on earth to eat up there" added one of
the young men.
Inh Eloeo;a aatS noth;nc, hut cot