Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-01-13
SCINTiLATlONS.
A great many people are troublec

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with d sease Of the Fs.-Pnch.
Only q Little IS" divides the specula-
tor and the pcculator. Earth.
A mans life may be like an open
book; but it is bound to be closed. -
Ptcayuue
This is the season when bartenders
make things hot for their customers.
/ Boston Courier.
Base ball is as old rs the world, rs is
proven by the first line in Genesis; I'm
the big inning" etc.-7eras siHmgs.
IL q man really desires to discover
how popular he is as a speaker let him
charge fifty cents admission. - Boston
Globe
There Is no better cure for dyspep-
sia than the knowledge that there is
nothing to eat in the house. Boston
Courier.
Mr.. Neyergo Bore (reaching for
button-holc)-"What's going on. old
mani" MIR Busy Man (dodgjng)-'1
am. "-Burdehe.
Klrain and Smith are soon to fight
Sympathy should be extended to the
victor. lie is the fellow Sullivan in
tends TO lick. Omdha Herdld.
'Were there any poets among the
ante-diluv ans?' writer asks. There
must have been or there wouldn't have
been any flood. - Boston Courier.
Josef Holman may be miraculous
pianist for Il boy ten years old. but he
should 60 to school and learn how to
spell Joseph. -Boston Transcript
II the price of coal keeps going high
err it VIII be the utrafashionable thing
for people to move their coal bins up
into the parlor. - SomerUi lie Journal
Kentucky has rooster with three
throats, and every time Kentuckan
takes his Bourbon he wishes he was
that rooster. Fort Worth (Tex)
GazcHe.
a man who has been hanged can
very properly be used to pc mt an
argument for prohibition. 1t IS a clear
case of "a drop too much. - Boston
Globe.
a man in Manitoba has sent to New
York for a copy of the "Boulanger
March" He says he wants to see if he
can't discourage the billiards.
frctange.
The brain of an elephant is some.
4 l.,,t Il.
trunk of an elephant is considerably
smaller than that of a woman -LoweH
Courier
Gcrster has lost her voice, sure
enough, but if it is ever found it Will
be easy to identify IT, There is no
other Of the same pattern -FhRdae,-
phta PtesS.
CrGsus never was called upon to act
for season as financial manager Of
national opera company. This is why
he is known to history as n man Of
some means. - Chicago Tri5H -.
Everybody knows what bee line is.
1t runs in C rce around clover patch
es and finally makes its way to
hollow tree N the swamp, where the
honey i. deposited - PicayWle.
Il shouldn't care to marry wom-
an who knows more than do" he
remarked. "Oh. Mr.. De Sappy.' she
replied, "Im afraid you are con-
frmed bachelor "-Epoch.
The Boston Transcript asks: Have
we Spartacus among us?' No,
a thousand times no! But the canni-
bal who had eaten his wife said he was
glad -hc-ato-her!-.t olunibilS Journal
An old Fl end to widow in tears
Il presume your husband had made
all preparations to face his maker?'
lie had. indeed. He WAS insured in
in SIX different companiesH Paris
Fdrgo.
This conundrum comes by private
CONVEYANCE from Rutland County
town: "what two rivers in New Eng
laud ask and answer question:
Hoosic and Passumpsic." So. AIban,
Messenger.
Jay Gould's advice to boys is Keep
out of bad company and 60 to work
with will" And IL you cant keep
out OF bad company. my boy. do as Jay
does and wipe out the company. -Bos.
ton Transcript
Bridgct-"Enjoy Shape. is it' How
could !. I'd like yez TO tell me. The
IN Mt lay down I'm aslape, an the
IN n I'm awake have 10 git up.
Where's the time for enjoyin it to
come IMP haadeiy hia cal.
Are Stones Alive?