St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-03-05
IT WAS VERY SOCIAL.
Extraordinary Birthday Festivities in
Honor Of a Maiden.
BEER GETS THE BEST OF EN-.
In Fight That Follows a Solid Young
Woman Kindly Acts as Peace
maker.

years old, says the Chicago Times. A
| party was given in honor of the event.
The Kitchen floor OF the One-stOry home
stead had been scrubbed until it was as
white as a politicians shirt bosom, the
stove shone like polished marble. and
the tin milk-pans that hung on the walls
glistened like circuS-tent refiectorS. A
dozen bottles of st. Louis-brewed beer
were ranged in row OH the lower shelf
of the cupboard. 1t was kind of soft
night, and there are no sidewalks in
TOlonO. Besides, Gutenberg lives about
mile. as the coon travels, out of town.
A few of the invited guests got anch-
Ored in the mud on their way, but most
OF them reached the place of festivity
III proper season. Bill Mathews left his
off shoe in the mire the other side of
Squire Martins big yellow barn. and
Ills sweetheart. Sal Jenkins, struck a
fox hole crossing the meadow. Just about
quarter of mile farther OH. 1t gave
this likely corn-fed damsel little eX.
ira weight to carry. but she forgot her
own predicament while thinking what
Bill was going to dance in. Bill is the
boss piv0ter in Tolono. He can waltz
till the cows come home without chang
ing his stride.
Eliza Ormsby. or, as the Tolono girls
call her. big Lie" got stuck on Bills
dancing, and carted him Off to ''spiel"
down to Tuscola, the third station be-
low TolonO, Christmas eve. Sal heard
of it and she waited for big Lie" at
the pOstoffice the following Tuesday
night. Bill then took Eliza, or rather
what there was left of her, home in one
of his hacks after the meeting. think
if Sal was to go into strict training she
could bring her weight down to about
175 pounds in two months time. But
she can everlaStingly dust herself ON
| the ballroom floor. Sal went to dance
where
THE FLOOR HAD BEEN WAVED
one night. She started in ''mOney-
musk" with her usual earnestneSs and
| Vigor. For few moments she found
| cred about Ill bewilderment: then there
was crash There wasn't Il sound
| lamp-chimney left in the whole house
after the fall. Sal declared then and
| there that she would never dance OH a
| floor with candle fat on it again as long
as she lived.
Ez Hawkins was to do the fiddling
| and Dave Miller the calling off. Dave
was to be master of ceremonies and
| pass the beer around. Dave keeps the
only liquor store in Tolono, and
| he can sling beer-glasses almost
as lively as a North side bar
| tender. He is muscular fellow.
| weighs 224 OF thereabout, wears an iron
| has hand about the size of an ostrich'S
| foot. Unfortunately, "EZ'' didn't show
up. This riled Dave bit. and Lish
| Gregory had to furnish the music.
| When Dave gets bit out of sorts things
are not likely to run as smoothly as one
might wish.
Hetty Gutenberg passed the cake and
Dave the beer. None of the men folks
wanted to eat, but at Dawes suggestion
they all looked long and earnestly heay-
onward.
"Snake out yer pardners for QUAR-
drillew yelled Dave. At the same time
Lish struck up something on the wheeZy
fiddle that sounded like Ease imita-
ton of Chinese polka. But it was
music, and that was all the young folks
wanted. Sal had changed her stockings
by this time, and her escort had bor-
rowed old man Gutenberg's carpet slip
perS.
For quarter of an hour the house
shook and ratified like switchman's
by. Dave poured his share of the beer
into tin dipper. and every time a figure
was called he would supplement it with
mouthful of the beverage. About the
third dance
THE BEER BEGAN TO WORK
and Dave would occasionally get things
mixed. He laid the blame on Hump"
Smith In yelling "hands 'roun',' ''baI-
lance PARTNERS" in the same breath
Dave brought the dance to a standstll
But Dave, unmindfuI that he was the
cause, went for Hump in something
like this:
"Heah, thar, you dog-derned chump,
doncher kneow any better'an tew ketch
a gal round the neck when yer bal
lancin'? You've got the hull dance
mixed up"
Hump got red in the face and said
something about Dave attending to his
own business and playing the fiddle.
This made Miller's porcupine hair
stand Straighter than ever. His eyes di-
lated, and his whole being talked fight
without his uttering syllable more. 1t
looked very much as though there was
going to be a rumpus, for Hump had
his mind made up, too. The pair were
glaring at each other like two game
cocks sparriDg for wind. There is no
telling what would have happened
hadn't Eliza OrmSby, who had been in
the adjoining room wrestling with big
chunk of gingerbread, stepped between
the pair.
'What is the matter?' she asked.
"Why, that yere fool is sp'ilin' the
hull business. He don't know eny more
bout danein' than a keow Jest meow he
had Hetty Gutenberg 'roun' the neck
a-swinging her as though she were a
hunk NV dried beef. Eff Their goin' ter
dance ter my musick an calm its goin'
ter be did right"
''Hump" limited something about Da-
vid being brought up driving mules,
which brought matters to a crisis be-
tween the two. Dave made a grab for
''Hump." The pair went down with a
resonant thud, Dave on top. 1t is not
definitely known what might have &C.
Cured had not Eliza crushed the wind
out OF both.
by A SUDDEN FLOP
she landed square On Dawes back. The
weight of her 200 pounds of solid fat
made Dave grunt vigorously and
Humps" eyes start out of their sock
cts. To make a long story short the
fight was taken out Of both the combat
ants and the dance went on. But Dave
didn't call any more figures. The
peacemaker, Miss Eliza, took this task
upon her shoulders. Somehow or other
one of the strings of the fiddle became
irreparably broken during the Scrim-
mage. The quality of the music
that Miller reeled off sounded
something like the cry OF a
frightened guinea-hen, but the dancers
kept whiriing away until Dave saw q
shy couple in far-off corner of the
room. He wanted them to dance. Both
protested their ignorance of the terpsi-
cEorean art. Dave insisted, and the
young couple began to mosey around
with the grace and agility of two per-
forming bears.
"That's it; keep her whOopin',"
yelled Dave.