News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-06
WHY JOHNNY WAS LATE.

! lie Hau Deen In the habit OF plaVlnC
: truant from school, and he had beer
moderately lucky in getting out of the
scrape. But he was caught one day ant
brought before the teacher.
been 2"
+'Tve been sick"
'You don't look sick"
"Well, I'm better, but I've been sick
all the same.'
tYou go right home and get note
from your mother, or I'll punish you
| severely"
He went off and was gone about ten
minutes. 1t was pretty quick work.
and when he handed the note to the
teacher she thought that the handwrit-
ing did not look like his mothers. She
kept her eyes on him while she opened
the note, but he was as bland and inno-
cent as the best boy in the world. The
note read:
''Miss -: Please excuse John this
mornin for bein late, COS he broke his
leg. Mrs. -. San Francisco Ctr0nt-
Gle.
/ CHEERFUL COMPANION,
Invalid (on railroad train)-Yes, am
on q long journey. I am going to Cali
! fornia
General passenger-Well, we'll Glad
L met you. I'm bound for California,
too. Let's keep together. My brother
lives in California, and he wrote to me
| there was a big chance for me out
there, and I'm going, you see, as fast as
steam'll take me.
"Oh? Are you grower?"
'No; I'm an undertaken. .'-Philadel-
| ptia Record
AN INCONSISTENCY IN RANK.
"Please don't forget, my boy, that you
are to be Il future general in the army of
the United States of America" said the
old officer to his son, during n West
Point call.
''I'n try not to; father" was the re-
ply. "By the way, who was that old
gentleman you spoke to on the parade
this afternoon?"
"Oh, that was Second-Lieutenan
Hoggsby, retired. He graduated class
ahead of me, believe"
And the boy began to think.-ZYnae.
AN OLD MANS WISDOM.
Enamored youth Crying to sound his
girls father)-About how much income
should young man have to be married
on, Mr.. De Rich?
Mr.. De Rich (meditatively)-Well, I
married on $500 year, and was both
comfortable and happy.
Enamored Youth (delighted)-In-
deed?
Mr.. De Rich-Yes. You see I mar
ried q penniless girl who knew how to
economize, but if [ had married n pet
ted and spoiled child of fortune like
Miss Binks, or Miss Finks, or-or my
daughter, for instance, L should have
needed about $4,000. - Philadelphia
Record.
JUST WRATH.
Townley (mad and excited)-Now.s sec
here, want to know what's the matter
with this milk. Its utterly unfit for
use.
MIlkman--Why, pom my soul its just
rs 1t comes from the cows.
Townlc lcy-CsusPioio often
do you water your cows
Niitkman (promptIy)-Three times q |
day.
TownIey-Threo times n dayl Shade
Of Gould ! And right to my face. No
wonder the milk is thin and watery, you
,obber of the widow and orphan Three
lines day Tune.
Tramp-Madame, will you kindly al
ow me to quench my thirst at yonder
we'll?
Farmers wife-Why, certainly, my
good man. And while you're about it,
lere's piece of soap and towel to
luench n little of that dirt on your face
md hands before winter sets in
Tramp-Thanks, madame, but I make
t a rule never to quench more than one
hing at time.-Judge.
A CHRONIC OFFENDER.
'I hear" said Wiggins, 'sthat Scroggs
sn't getting along very well with his
bird wife"
''Serves him right" growled old rBache;
any man who continually repeats the
anne Otfense deserves severe punish
nent"
A KIND OFFER,
81 tell you, Candidus, said Scribuler,
the public is fairly going wild over my
,oems"
"Indeedl" replied Candidus. "Im
orry to hear that. If you wish to con-
cal yourself until it calms down, why,
ny house is at your service"
SURE SIGN.
"What an intellectual couple Mr..
nd Mrs, Cranque are? 2"
'Intellectual What makes you think
hat 2''
"Why, Mrs. Cranque cuts her hair
hort, and Mr.. Cranque lets his grow
0ng."
"Ah !"
Fresh Water Mariners.