Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-02-07
THE LIME KILN CLUB
LISTENS TO PROF. HIMYLA THOMp-
SONS LECTURE ON POVERTY.
The Noted Orator Talks About the joys
of AN Humble Life-He Disresses Now

The Noted Orator Talks About the Joys
of AN Humble Life-He Disresses Now
and Then-Great Applause-A Brief
Interview.
AS the meeting was about to open in due
| and ancient form Elder Toots was observed
reclining against the back end of the stove in
an atfectionate manner, Trustee Pullback was
pairing down an old corn with a razor,
Samuel Shin was pulling rag through one
! of the holes in tin dipper, and Harmony
Smith was earnestly seeking for a quid of
| pitch he had stuck on one Of the window
| castings at the last meeting. Brother Gard
ner took the chair in his usual dignified man
ner, ordered the triangle to be gently sounded,
and said:
1T ar my painful dooty to inform dis club
dat Professor Hiryla Thompson, of South
Carolina, has bin hangin aroun' Detroit fur
de las three days
"He aroove heah to address US on de sub
jick Of DE joys of Poverty an has bin
| maxim my cabin his home At home he am
known as de great Southern orator. From
what hev seen of him heah am satisfied
dat he has de biggest appetite of any man l
cher saw, He Gums recommended as hevin'
killed two wild cats, saved a gal from de
jaws OF an alligator, paid two outlawed
debts an voted fo' times in de same county
on one leckshun day. We will bring him in
an listen to his remarks wild fewent atten-
shun."
Professor Thompson soon appeared in the
hands OF the reception committee. and after
being escorted to the platform and given a
general introduction, he removed his shoes to
give his heels fair play, and began:
Ny frens, what ar poverty! Poverty is
de fackt dat you hain't got muffin, never ex-
pect to hev, and nebber will hev. A millyon-
aire am not poverty stricken. Why! Kase
he's got sunthin see befo' me dis eavenin'
many millyonaires. De sight does me good
l doan' blame you bit fur bein' rich
[Cheersl
shy frens, dis world has passed frew seb-
eral different siges. Oar was de drift aige,
de water aige, de stone aige, de iron aige, an
seberal odder Ages which I hev done forgot
Let us not repine kase we wasn't BON in some
OF de odder Ages. Dis aige am good huff
fur us. [Subdued sensational
my frens, Columbus was a remarkable
man. He wanted to sot out and diskiber
America long befo' he did, but de sheriff
wouldn't let him. Coluc1bus knowed all de
time whar' America was, an how badly she
wanted to be diskibered, but he couldn't
come. We mus not lay up any hardness
agin him. He got away as soon as possible,
an if he hadn't arove whar' would we be
nows Applause, during which Whalebone
Howker swallowed silver quarter.1
my frens, reckon you hev all heard
about de pyramids of Egypt. Dey is great
sight, speshually on moonlight night. 1t
ar too bad dat dis kentry can't bev pyramids,
but we mus git along de bes' we kin. If we
didn't have. water mellyons we might hev
pyramids, but we can't have boat. More
sensation, during which Lincoln johnson
was hit on the head with potato]
''My frens, l spose you know dis kentry
was once occupied by tho Injuns? You
couldn't stir out doahs widout meetin one
Dey owned all de land, an dey fit an fit
befo' de white man could git it away from
EN-. Right in dis city ibed great chief
named Pontiac. He'd fight anybody or any
thing, an he alters cum out fust best
Rounds of applause, during which some
plaster fell DOWN.
''My frens, if you could stand on the aige
of de great Sahara desert you would be as
tonished You could look fur miles an miles
an see muffin; but sand-de very best kind of
bird sand If any of you am thinkin' of
gwine dar' 1 hope you'll give it up. lCries
of ''Hear, hesrr'l
"My frens, a steambote 'sploshun am a
VERY solemn affair You is gwine along all
right an you is about to pass de odder boat
an win de race, when dar ain boom! bang
an away you go. Somebody ar allus killed
or hurt, an OATS why it ar SO solemn l hev
heard men say dey jist as lief be blowed up
as not, but didn't believe um 1t soils de
clothes, scatters grease all around, an you
am quite sartin to git inter New Orleans two
days late. [Cat calls and stamping, with
Elder Toots hunting for his lost hat
"My frens, l cum awful nigh bein' in dat
Charleston earthquake. / war down In New
Orleans at de time, but war arranging to
60 to Charleston de mex week Nebber fule
wild an earthquake. Dey will knock you out
cherry day in de week While on dis sub
jock I would make a few remarks ON cy-
clones, which ar almoas' as bad as aiith-
quakes, but time forbids. Hopin' dat | hev
conclusively proven to you dat poverty has
its joys as well as SORROWS, an thankin' you
for your abstemious attensnin to my over
fowin address, l will now leave you to your
own guilty refexshuns / shall make de
cabin of your beloved president my home for
de next two weeks an SIGH of you as desiah
to consult me on removin' warts an moles
widout pain, an fur de triflin' sum of fifteen
cents EACH will know whar' to find me. Pro
bono digitalis iacet!
whirlwind Of applause followed the pro-
fessor as he left the lodge room. and when
the door had closed behind him Col Persim-
mons Whyte arose and asked
''Misser President, was dat an address,
81 s'pect it war, sab, replied Brother
Gardner.
"Was it about de joys Of povertyT
"Dat's what he said"
IAN am he gwine TO put in two noah
weeks heahl'
mot if dis char knows hisself 1t ar evil
dent TO me dat de professor ar a travelin
humbug. l war loollin' all frew his speech
fur dose JOYS, but not one Of 'em showed up.
De committee on de scientific disposishun of
humbugs, wild Giveada;n Jones at DER head,
had better hold brief interview wild de
gern'lan from South Carolina"
The three lUsty members referred TO alb
sented themselves from the room, and in
few minutes shouts of Murder Fire"
and Police seemed to come from several
directions at once There were three dis
tinct thuds on the alley stairs. a sound from
the alley as if pumpkin had been flung
from the roof Of horse barn into a mud
puddle and then all was still-all except
few sounds indicating that five foot man
was trying to bust his way through seven
foot fence and didn't care how many boards
he knocked of. -Detroit Fres Press
Old Way and Modern.