Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1888-11-17
A Little Faa-No Harm, Friends.
80, yea, o, yea, walk this way !"

80, yea, 0, yea, walk this way !"
The great ship, "Sackville West"
lay along the wharf at the Distillery,
with the wild waves beating in white
spray against her hulk. On the pier
hundreds of persons were collected,
and the gangway plank was also
crowded. Gay morning was break
ing in the east. On a pile of States
men. democratic tariff documents
and State platforms, in bold relief,
stood out the form Of j. Nelson
Wisner, from whose lips the above
words had issued. His face was
wreathed with smiles. By his side
stood Higginbotham, handing up ar
ticle after article.
go, yea. I now offer to the high
est bidder, this beautiful flag, made
sacred by the heroic fortitude with
which it was borne in the democrat
ic parades by Andy Criswell. For
this he yelled, wore out his shoes
and lost his position. See it's grace
full folds now fall in solemn sadness
around the soiled flag staff. | will
sell it for five cents,-who bids? 7"
20 cents and ar old postal car
stamperl' cried out Comical Jim.
ss2 cents and an OLD postal car
stamper, L have, "said auctioneer Wis
ner. "Who1l make it 3? Make it 8?
2 have, will you make it 3? Last
time, 2 cents, ETC., going going
GONE TO coMIoAL JIM.
Young man you have bargain.
90 farmers in Berkeley county would
give you SO cents for that flag to
;care off the crows. What have you
next, Higginbotham? Hand it up.
We must realize enough from these
old trophies to take the Democratic
party up Salt River. All! here is 3
tons Of pure, unadulterated bluff,
right from Billy Colston. The finest
in the land. Let the dudes in the
crowd, and the politicians, come
up and examine it. Give ma bid.
Gracious, gentlemen, don't let these
goods go at sacrifice. Buy this
cheek-good thing to bluff the peo-
pie with. Can't / get bid-well,
Web. Shaffer was out in the noun
tains during the campaign-give it
to him to convert into phosphate. 1t
is rather strong, anyhow. Pass up
that crushed hat Of Mike Smeltzer.
Who bids on it? Will make an ex-
cellent flower-pot. Give me bid.o
II gives you lofe of bread for dot"
said Quenzel. at will feed Hunt
Austin vile the corpse vas being buri-
ed.n
"All right, Quenzel has purchased
that hat, and will deposit oyster
shells in it. How has the mighty
headgear of Michael of the Noun
tains, fallen |"
And thus, article after article was
auctioned off, until provender suffi-
cient to keep the crew from starving
was obtained.
It was a motley crew. There was
some dispute as to who should be
captain, some claiming that Senator
Faulkner did more to
DEFEAT THE PARTY
than Capt. Colston. When, how
ever, Lieut. Robinson produced cop
les of his campaign sheet, and point
ed out the many brilliant ~ denun-
Citations Of the Republican ticket,
and finished by pulling from his boot
a copy of the extra, the crew cried,
with one accord "Great is Colston,
of the Statesman :" He was found
fast asleep in the post-office, with a
copy of Civil Service Reform Rules
clutohed to his bosom. Great beads
of perspiration slept on his forehead.
His face was sad, and only after con-
vincing aim that Faulkner and A.
Parks were aboard the "Sackville
West" would he consent to captain
the crew. "I'm not feeling so well,
boys. My mind is uneasy. Grover
is gonel Berkeley county is gone
o, why should the spirit of mortal be
proud Lead on, Billy Hurd, FOL
low"