davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The evening world., 1888-08-01
Haven't We Heard This Before Z

To The Joke Editor NJ TAs Evsntno World:
Here is q joke which may please Bill Nye:
A seedy tramp boarded the west-bound
train at the Grand Central Depot. About
half way to New Haven the conductor asked
him for his ticket. He told the conductor
he had none. The conductor put him of at
the next stop and accompanied him with a
big kick, but the tramp again boarded the
train before it started, and met with the same
treatment at the next station. This treat.
ways succeeded in getting aboard the train
before IL started. At last the conductor, be-
coming exasperated, caught the tramp by the
shoulder and said
Say. where are you going. anyhow"
~ am going to San Francisco II my anat-
omy holds out" responded the tramp.
LEWIS M. PEAK.
219 West One Hundred and Thirty first
street, New York City, July 81.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
WHERE THEY WILL FLIT.

Ben RathJen win 20 TO Atlantic City.
Luke l. Wilson will 90 70 Bath Beach.
Theodore Martin will 60 up the Hudson.
j. w. Watson Will spend two weeks in Salem,
Mass.
Charles W. Berry viii take a trip to Saratoga and
remaint there ten days.
Robert W. johnson will 20 to Far Rockaway
during the latter part OF August.
John G. straussineer will paint Philadelphia Q
lurid color during the ten days he remains.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
The Irish Volunteers.

Al q meeting OF Company A, Second Battalion,
Irish Volunteers, held at their armory, 1910 First
avenue, Major william F. Kelly presiding. Lieut..
p. L. White was unanimously elected Captain and
Second sergt N. Joyce was chosen First Lieu
tenant.
Company B viii elect a Captain and q First Lieu
tenant on Monday evening, Aug
Company @ win be organized In q very abort
time.
Companies A and B meet every Morday night for
drill and Instruction.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
Older and Wiser.
TFrom Tsrds SiJfings.l

Oh! why must those things that would do rs most
good,
Be Just where We never get hold of EN-?
And why can't our voices have warnings attached.
So 'twon't be too late when we're told Of 'emf
Now, there is tobacco, the bane OF my life,
For I shall be eighty tomorrow
rve smoked It. I've chewed II, and used good,
strong snuf,
Through all these long decades of sorrow.
III, in my youth. had but cast OF t~n1jvice,
BY being both drawer and bolder,
According to scientists, / would he now
4 Some fifteen or twenty years older.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
Notes of Labor.


The Peddlers' Union o. Us late mass meeting took
In sixty-one members.
lin-roofers In the employ Of Michel b Roth, Of
Brooklyn, are on q strike because the nrm refuses
TO recognize their union.
The German Federated Trades and the New Jer-
Joint celebration on Labor Day.
Louis Riege, late Secretary Of the Beer-Drivers'
Union and ALTO OF the Brewers National Union,
has resigned from all active work IN those organi-
cations.
The committee Of the Central Labor Union ap-
pointed to inquire into the Locksmiths' and Rail-
ng-Makers' and the Housesmiths' troubles, organ
ICED last night ana win meet again shortly to take
testimony.
The EVENING WORLDS correspondent at Pitts
burg telsgraphs to-day that Singer, Nimick 4 Co.
have succeeded In employing non-union men In
their iron and steel millI and will not take any OF
the leaders back who participated In the recent
strike.
With q few exceptions. the cigar manufacturer
tlonal Union and received the blue label indicating
that the cigars are made In union factories and
are free from the disease-breedinR faint of drty
teDement-housea
Nearly all the local assemblies attached to Dis
trict Assembly ~ have resolved not to pay any
more money into the treasury OF either faction
until The question OF authority Ia fully determinsd.
II Ia believed that the course adopted win - freeze
out" both sides and cause q reorganization of the
diAtnct.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
Too Much Learning.

tFyom Terds SytingaI
Gus De Smith-What did you do with that letter
that was on my table?
Colored Boy-I tuck 1t to dc pos otis, sab, ana
put 1t in de hole.
Did you not see there was no address on the
envelope"
al saw dar was no Yritln' on de 'velope. but 1
lowed yer did dat ar on purpose, SO / Couldn't tell
who yer was a-writtn' 10. rs an dedicated niggah,
j IL, and Is'posed you knowed hit"
The evening world., 1888-08-01
BEST IN THE MARKET.

Celery. 70 cents.
Porgies, 8 cents.
Chicory, 0 70 3 cents
sheepshead, 70 cents.
Salmon trout, is cents.
Lemons, IS for 26 cents
Oranges, 90 cents O dozen.
Watermelons, % 70 30 cents.'
Green okra. Is cents per 100.
Fresh eggs, ~ cents Q dozen.
Assorted fruit, 81. 80 4 basket.
Sweet potatoes, 10 cents Q peck.
Slowing pears. 10 cents . quart.
Raspberries, 2 70 10 cents q box.
Best dairy butter. % cents Q pound.
Muskmelons, 8 cents; large, Is to 20.
Plums, 20 cenis q dozen, bes; 90 cents.
Large sea bass, IS cents; small, 10 oents.
Grapes, 20 cents . pound; choice. 30 cents.
Green peas. 20 cents q peck; best, 90 cents.
Bananss-Yeilow, 90 cents q dozen; red, 70 to 90
Peaches, 80 cents q dozen; best, 70 cents to q;
81. 80 q bushel basket
The evening world., 1888-08-01

TIRE EVENING WORLD was true 10 its record
yesterday in publishing the only account in
any evening paper of the result of the In
dianapolis-D Detroit game that. with the
Giants victory. placed New York at the
head. Our Sporting Extra is a pennant
winner. and the public is finding it out.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
Weak and Weary

Describes the condition Of many people dsbilitAtsd by
the warm weather. BY disease. or overwork. Hoods
SArsaparills Is Just the medicine needed 10 overcome
that tired feeling. TO purify ana quicken the sluggish
blood. and restore the lost appetite. II you need q
good medicine DO sure TO try Hoods SArsApanlla.
my appetite was poor, I could not sleep. had head
aoho q goat deal. pains in my back. my bowels did not
move regularly. Hoods sarSaparnlA in . short time did
ne 90 much good that I feel like q new man. My pains
and aches are relieved. my appetite improved" GEORGE
Z, Jackson, Roxbury station, Conn.
The evening world., 1888-08-01

she-Do you attend the theatre often, Mr..
Dobson?
saw Booth only last evening.
She-Indeed. In what did you see him?
He-Oh, er-er-er-in the Hoffman House
corridor. VIM. CLINTON,
3O8 East Eighteenth street.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
A Generous OHer.

~ he Joke Editor Of The Essnia0 world:
Allow me to offer to the Hon. William Nye.
through the columns of your valuable paper,
my sincere sympathy in this the season of his
dire inadvertence. / am skilled in the use of
the shovel (having served in the capacity of
g~raye-diRger for q number of years., and, If
he is not already provided with an efficient
corps de spade. will tender my services when
he becomes showed under"
New York, July 8. BILL FARE.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
How to Preserve nm Umbrella.

IFToH The Norr1sfopn HsrdId,J
Some one says that an umbrella will last much
longer II It 10 placed with the handle downward to
dry. To preserve 1t still longer, attach 1t to your
body with Q log chain and paddock.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
A Dream Of a Black Cat Brought nm Unex-
pected 500.

There is a widow in Brooklyn who is more
or less happy at the present time over what
she considers a piece of good luck.
Her husbands life was insured for 81, 900
in the st. Lawrence Insurance Company. of
this city, and soon after his death. which oc-
Cured last December, she presented the
policy and the certificate showing the cause
Of death at the company's Office, then in the
Temple Court.
to day, N in tho meantime the st. Law
renee was merged into the Citizens Life In
surance Company.
The widow had almost given the matter up
whom ono night last week she dreamed of o
black cat. The following morning she re-
ceiyed Q notice from the company TO call at
their ofioe, and when she fnished the call
she was Just 800 richer than when abe be-
The evening world., 1888-08-01
A TOUR WITH THE DOCTOR
ALAN DALE SPENDS AN AFTERNOON In THE
TENEMENT HOUSE DISTRICT.
He Finds n Terrible Neglect Of the sImplese
Sanitary Rules-Why Does the Board Of
Health Permit Such Reokeries 20 Existe
Hard Lot Of Poor Babies Born int
Such surrounding.

T noon yesterday I
was among the throng
on Broadway. moving
with it up the broad,
clean t~horoughfare.
with its imposing ho-
tells, its stores, its
theatres and the thou
sand little pleasures
go to make up o
life worth living. 0ua
The evening world., 1888-08-01

Whnto q Minute, Anyhow
10 tie Editor Of TIE EpsHtna Would;
I have one for Bill Nye to pass upon.
Patsy TO horse dealer)-I want to buy q
fast horse.
Well, how fast, nv friend ?"
"Oh, about O three-minute horse"
~ have not got q horse of that gait to-day.
How would o four-minute animal do you 2"'
oh. well, what's q minute, anyhow ?
1877 Sixth avenue. New York, July 81.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
To the PuzzIera.

Pav The complete dnssoers TO he eight puzzles
~ printed In yesterdays EVENING WORLD ,oiu be
gloon tomorrow. As distinctly stated yeste,-
day. N order not 10 make honors FOO easy, onIv
ne names Of those Uho submit correct answers
b an ne eight puzzles vM be printed. We haze
secNred about a bushel Of letters ALREADY, Rs
tcTtfsrs Of uohioh disregard this condition.
The evening world., 1888-08-01

a Cleveland Club for Washington HsiGhta.
A Cleveland and Thurman CampSign Club is to
~ formed under the auspices OF the citizens OF
weshington Heights THURSDAY evening, Aug. q At
4o'eIeck. .Ths meeting VIII 20 held e the Mount
aIott and o. MiehoiAs avenue.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
Two Little Ones.

Was He'll Gate so called because the sur
rounding waters were Sheol (shoal)?
The judge in the contest is Nye to me and
to many others; alone, I wish to be nigh to
the $25. MARGUERITE MooRE,
1856 West Fourteenth street, city, July 81.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
Hoods ~SaEsaparIHa

Sold By all ~druEssts eli sT for o.. Prepared only
By O. i. HOOD . CO.. ApOshsoariss. LOWELL. Mos.
400 DOsks ONE DOLLAR
The evening world., 1888-08-01

The beautiful blonde" and the hand
some brunette are still at the front in nearly
every escapade or crime with a woman in it.
"hs plain. sweet, sensible, everyday girls
,ar,s1ear TO be the safest and the best.
The evening world., 1888-08-01

Iron the Detroit Free Prs0.l
There Ia nothing sad about the ocean, the beach,
the tide, q storm. the wavelets, or the waves after
you get where they grow. The sadness 10 confined
entirely TO landlords and mosquitoes.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
FROM THE CITY'S WHIRL.
DRIFT CAUGHT BgRg AND THERE By
EVENING WORLD" REPORTERS.
II Was Only u Group or Three, but the
Three Were Interesting.

II Wa Only n Group Of Three, but the
Three Were Interesting.
II was only a group Of three.
nurse and two babies.
The nurse held one Of her charges in her
arms, and the baby was almost as big as her
self.
wanted TO be held, too.
Never mind. Maggie, there's q dear.
Mall be here in q minute and she'll bring
you o bannany." soothcd the little nurse.
:" All. what q bad baby you are !" she ex-
claimed to the other. in tones indicating
clearly, that she meant exactly the reverse Of
what she said.
You've got your face all sticky wild de
candy" she sputtered on, and she essayed to
wipe the face Of the baby on her own dress
skirt, in doing which she revealed thai there
was no underclotbes under the dress-only o
pair Of very dirty. thin little legs.
The little legs supported q siI-year;old girl,
and forth on the legs with q year-old baby in
her arms.
The other was about three years old. As
she continued to whine the nurse sat down
on the curbstone and took her. too in her lap
and crooned to her soothingly, entirely OBJ
livious to the presence of the reporter, who
stood almost over them.
when ms comes back mebbee we'll take
hriuo up Ou ue eleVhppr cars, WneeuleO the
nurse. And we'll see de cows and de
lions and de 'lfants an all dem"
The reporter bent over the little nurse and
asked:
Where Is ma ?"
"'She whit down to de Tombs to git pa
out. De ole man was off last night and de
copper pulled i'm in. Mas got de money to
pay Us fine. I had to mind Maggie and de
baby till she CAM back"
And what is your name ?" asked the re-
porter. taking out his pad.
The six-year-old saw it. and her eyes
danced eagerly as she said: "Yez are q
porter. 'aint We? They was down at Johnny
Barrett's when he died and they had paper.
My names Kittie, sir And will it be in the
paper, sir ?"
The reporter assured Miss Kitty that her
name should appear in the paper, and five
pennies added to this information overf1owed
the happiness of the little woman.
The last seen of them, Kitty was Juggling
her baby across the street to a peanut stand,
and Maggie was trudging along beside her
with a firm grip of her dirty hands in the
skirt of kitty's only garment.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
Has a Familiar Ring.

Snaggs-why is it that q dog in his glee
over a bone reminds me of the United States ?
Jaggs-Don't know.
Snsggs-Because it's A-merry-cur
STEPHEN BERNHEIMER,
8 Centre Market place. New York City.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
ForecnstinE the Election.

To he EDITOR Of the Evsnina World:
If anybody wants to know whether Harri-
son will be elected tell them to spell il (Har-
rison) backwards and find out. Answer 10
No.sir;rah. WM. w. LIscHER,
TAO Broad street, Trenton, N, j,
The evening world., 1888-08-01

It Is not improbable that before you have
done, the joke contest will drive Bill nigh to
distraction. NJ. II. RosHNEELD.
The evening world., 1888-08-01

vesterdayhe Republican campaign has obviously
AckleneSned. Sixteen huge watermelons were
'a,nst to President CLEVELAND at the White
no cleaIuse during his recent absence. This is
n IL t.aiT,ly O - blow below the belt"
The evening world., 1888-08-01
A. an Appotixan.

~ Gs Editor u he Essnins world!
I received my favorite paper ordered in
time for supper, which gave me IN extra ap-
petite. With many thanks, yours truly.
Milford, Conn, July 90.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
IN THE MISCELLANEOUS SECTION.
A Chairman, n vice-Chnirmau md n Little
Routine Business.

~. N-s - AAtthtS
Routine Business.
John Hastings, of the Social Association of
Carpet Workers, presided at the meeting of
the Miscellaneous Section last night. and
John O'Shea, of the Excelsior Labor Club,
was Vice Chairman.
Delegate Ernest Bohm reported that the
difficulty between the Internationa Mill
wrights and Millers and Cement Laborers'
Union No. / is in q fair way towards settle
ment. Another conference on the subject
will be held early next week.
Delegates of the BARRIERS Union wanted all
union men to examine their new card and
patronize those shops only which display 1t.
The Excelsior Labor Club reported that
one of its members had been blacklisted at
Barrett's coal yard, in Water street. The
matter was referred to the Arbitration CON-
mittee.
Progressive Musical Union No. 1 COM
planned that the Jourpeymen Brewers Union
is to have a picnic and had engaged - scab "
music. each musician to receive but So,
whereas the union rate is $5. Referred to
Section 6.
A resolution expressing sympathy with the
striking workmen of Paris was adopted and
referred to the Central Labor Union
The evening world., 1888-08-01
CondItiono OF The Contest.

Following are the conditions of TEE EVEN
mo WoRLD's joke contest II ID open to
sverybody-men. women and children. Any
The evening world., 1888-08-01

"a b,ien. HARRISON advocates subsidies for
'DI,1s amship lines to the South American ports.
not nything except tax reduction to get rid of
hTaie surplus.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
ALAN DALE
He Will Be Seen.

To the Epsnin0 World PhVsieian:
A little boy-one of a group of fresh air
children sent from New York for a few days
of country b~reath-stuck a pitehfork in his
cheek, near the left eye, one day last week. I
dressed the wound. The eye is much in.
famed. He has to &c home tomorrow. I
I think the eye will easily get we'll il watched
a little by a good physician. Would it be
asking too much of you. who have already
done so much for the poor. to ask you to $50
him? l have less hesitation in asking you to
do this good deed as 1 have the honor to be q
graduate of the same great university that
you came from. His name and address are
as follows Joseph Stephanek. 891 East
Thirty-elghth street., New York. Very re-
spectfully, your friend,
-,. WILLIAM L. WILBUR.
Hightstown, N. j., July 80.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
POlice-Sergt. Price and the Priceless Prod
uct OF His Garden.

Sergt. James X. Price, of Inspector Will
iams's staff, is a practical joker, and tells his
Munchausen yarns with such soberness that
he hooks scores of gudgeons.
His latest fad is the discovery Of q vegeta-
BILE growth in his garden at Mount Hone
which promotes the growth Of hair, and will
ball with a fine hirsute showing.
For want of o better name, he calls it
"Wee-hac," understood to be an Indian
name for big-head full of-hair.
He brought to Police Headquarters. q few
days ago, o bottle of q dark but pleasant
smelling mixture, upon the merits of which
he descanted at great length and with rare
enthusiasm. He gave some of it to Sergt.
Kass, who reported that he upset 1t on the
growth of pus on the stones in the morning.
Price talked 30 sweetly of his new discovery
to Commissioner McClave that the candi-
date for Mayor wrote for him a testimonial.
Capt. Brooks, whose head Is as bald and
shiny as q billiard ball, is anxious to test the
rejuvenating qualities of Wee-hac. and will
petition to the Board for permission to give
II a trial. U
Capt. Saunders, Doorman Barnes, Rounds
man Cooper. Major Kipp and other member
of the Bald-Head Club Of the police force
want an opportunity of trying Wee-Hac on
their scalps, and they all declare that Price
is o great man and that Wee-Hac is his profit.
Sergt. Schmittberger, who is the adjoining
neighbor at Mount Hope to Sergt. Price,
though they do not speak as they pass by, is
very much exercised at Prices remark that
potent drug from his ~neighbor's eaRfen.
Schmittberger will put in a claim for his full
share of profit from the sale of this wonder.
full hair restorer.
The evening world., 1888-08-01

sa aS1ass'o S 81 Il. FFS sFs: & Sc s.h :: without AOsrLr''
The evening world., 1888-08-01
A Pair of Calves That should Go to q
County Fair.


On Broadway. Just below Ann street, there
is a fine pair of calves on exhibition every
day, rain on shine.
They support a man who sells garters for
men, and also serve as his sign. announcing
his business.
The reporter did not learn the mans name.
for that does not make any difference with
his legs. n by the mention of his calves
people will remember him much more
quickly and wildly than by his name.
They ore splendid calves, too. Not muscu-
lar looking, but Of good size and we'll curved.
They are made conspicuous by the mans
dress.
His knickerbockers reach just below the
knee. and his blue socks. which are of a neat
At. are supported by a pair of the patent
garters which the man sells.
Between the bottom Of the brooches and
the top Of the socks is revealed some white
flannel. of light weight. and this adds to the
giddiness of the " makeup"
The fellow Is not at all bashful. and q good
deal of his time is devoted to admiring his
legs. So is that Of the passers-by.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
Tho Moon Was the Poorest Part of the
Show, After All.

Tho Moon Was the Poorest Part of the
Show, After All.
It was at st. Georges, the other evening, q
few minutes before the glory of Rome had
reached a climax after its nightly fashion.
The moon began to rise slowly and majes-
tically above the scenery. It had q pecu-
liarly mellow appearance and one side was
sliced of in a rakish manner, such as to sug-
gest that Her Majesty Luna had followed up
her late eclipse with a protracted bust.
Towards the front centre of the grand
stand a young couple sat oblivious of every
body but each other and Of everything but
the big show.
As the moon climbed up in its irregular
shape and yellow hue. the young fellow
nudged his girl and pointed to the orb of
night. ..,
fair one.
NO" said she. with q supercilious toss of
his head. They had q better moon than
that up to the 'Cademy of Music when they
played the pantomime."
And her accent was on the mime.
The evening world., 1888-08-01
JOKERs TO THE FRONT.

But Please Be Chary About Sending In
Chestnuta.
The Republican journal., 1888-05-17
Minnie Freeman.

"IIo, ho.'' roared the blizzard, and the praires,
swept by storm.
Felt the wind iend's widest fury, knew he meant
to mortalS harm:
But mighter than the storm king ,.wct in one
brave mailen's heart
And her bravery and wisdom to our hopes ncw
strength impart.
Love is mighty in its efforts in the little the
young,
And the storm-king could not frightcn in loves
own armor strong;
So when wild winds shook the schColhousc on the
prairie lone and tIear,
And the door was torn a>undcr, and the roof was
borne afar
Then the little teacher braI ely (though she was
but i'll her tccns)
Planned the of her pupils, and by love stl.-
gested means
Led them all along toward shelter, s'tic 10y twinc
and three abreast,
That 10 little feet should wander with the danger
uncNpressed
Then the siNyear old" the youngest, and Of all
the flock the pet,
In her own small arms she gathered and forth
her journey set:
Round her waist the cord was fastened with which
all the flock were fast,
And her motto was I'm save them or lie with
them at the last.
small, white string how little, in the hour when
YOU were made
Did the twisters or the mill hands dream YOU thus
to life would lcau
Those whose safety on the prairie in the blIZards
path that tlav.
Hung by such a thread slender tied in such
loving way!
ON they pressed-that maid heroic spite Of cold
and drifting snow
And her precious iiock-to safety, on TO welcomes
warm they 90.
Struggling, while the words OF courage from the
brave heart al their head,
Helped them brave the storms lid tclTulS-Un To
safety they were led.
Now the name of that Young teacher on parental
hearts is gravtd,
Since her courage wrote their chillvcn'S precious
names among the saved.
When the Wintiy STERN in fury swept across the
prairie WIDE
And the wrecks of life and comfort were hrSrcWn
on every side.
In the future for that teacher holds the hli~~ oi
motherhood,
In her arms may children nestle who shall share
her fortitude-
Who shall grow t. bless the nation. a. she totd
those homes to bless,
And III whose long lives and useful she shall
gather happiness
For the Teacher brave and thoughtful, strong and
wise III holy love,
Is the woman in the future that need ali else
above.
And land, with wives aud n,othcr- like This
spartan Of the West.
Must he leader Of the nations. ald of every laud
the best.
Woman's Magazine
The Republican journal., 1888-05-17

Gen'l Agent for Maine, Mass. Nut. Life Ins Co
The Republican journal., 1888-05-17
Moved! MOVED !!

w II. RlCiIARbS has removed to No. is Main
" street. over Beans Hat store where he will
be pleased to all OF his Old customers and lots
of lew ones. Call and see his large stock of Sew
ing Machines, and if YOU don't wish to buy bring
in Your old one and have it cleaned and repaired.
Oil. needles, and parts fnr all kinds of machines.
Belfast, Feb. ,, ISSS.-5tf
The Republican journal., 1888-05-17
Tie Advice Of Mss Alcott.

once. in the ;tu'!ac!y ul Youth. W}ptc 10
Miss Aicott Il letter. the tenor Of which j. indi
Gated hl her prompt. characteristic rrlly. here
with shown you. 1t ,aay help some of you
young rcople as ii lid me.