Morning journal and courier., 1888-01-17
ACHES.

Out West they claim that corn is king. We know very often that our corn is aching. -Yonkers Statesman.
 Let man sit down on a bent pin and he will arise promptly and speak briefly to the point.-New Orleans Picsyune.
 great many people who go to the theater care more for the seen iR the orchestra seats than they do for the scene on the stage.-Bos- ton Post.
 The man who "has the ear of the public'' at this season ot the year generally has a handful of snow to rub it with.-Burlington Free Press.
 More than ten million eggs are carried into New York each week. One might be tempt ed to think this an ova-supply.-Boston Transcript.
 For the benefit of housewives it is stated that an S'oil trust" is not an arrangement by which kerosene can be obtained on credit Merchant Traveller.
 Mamma" said little Chicago girl.
 "Yes, dear"
 "Do you think I'll have the same papa all this years"-Epoch.
 Landlady (to boarder)-How is the butter, Mir. Dumleya
 Dumley (a produce broker)-Quiet but strong, madam, and in little demand Epoch.
 Husband-tfThe photographer is ready tc take your picture, guess" Photographer 'fYes, all ready. Now look pleasant" Wife (before the camera)-"My dear, think you'i better go ints the other room. ."-Boston Ga zette.
 Irate customer-That ivory ornament you sold me was not ivory, but celluloid; when il came near gas jet it blew up.
 Dealer-Maybe the tusk came from circus elephant. Some of 'em are pretty hard drink ers.-Omaha World.
 s'Pa, here's 6 nice piece in the paper about parasites. What is parasites, paa'
 Parasites, my boy2 Why, parasites are the people who live in Paris. Think you ought to know that, and you in the Thirc reader. ."-New York Sun.
 Prof. Proctor, speaking of the possibility of human beings flying, says: "The grea difficulty which man has first to overcome if that of maintaining his balance" Doesn't the professor know that the difficulty ot maintaining his balance has caused more than one man to dy-to Cauada2-Norristown Herald.
 Miss Browning (of Boston)-Mr. Berrill, do you believe that a rose by any other name would smell as sweeta
 Mir. Berrill (of Chicago)-It would to me. k Miss B. (innooently)-Whys Mir. B. (Miserably)-Because have hay fever.-Tid-Bits.
 Country minister-Don't you know, little boy, that it is wrong to fish on Sunday Why don't you go home9
 Little boy-Pm 'fraid to.
 Country minister-Your father will pun ish you, will he2
 Little boy-Yes, sir, if don't bring home more fish than ketched so fer.-Epoch.
 Stranger-sI want to buy good watch dog" Dog Fancier-"Hers'st the one you want, sir. Trained by an expert. He can tell book agent or Q peddler mile off. D 'tAnd whatll he do theng'' E'Do? He'll chew lem into soup bones.n 'fWell, I guess he won't suit me.'' s'Whya Most people want a dog like that" "Yes, know; but I'm a book agent, you see. ."--Kentucky State Jour nal.
 The fertility of the soil of western Texas is remarkable. General John R. Taylor, who lives in Uvaide, once asserted that the growth of corn in that country was so dense that the lightning bugs fitted about among the stalks in daylight, and the nightingales never ceased their song, they being under the delusion that it was still night. One morning General Baylor found a dead coon at the foot of 6 cornstalk. As this was rath- CT strange, he investigated and found that the animal, while depredating on one of the lower ears of the stalk, had lost his foothold, and falling to the ground the distance was 50 great as to break every bone in the coon's body.-Texas Slftings.