Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1888-11-11
AMATEUR FARMING.
NESTING THE sUAvE AND INsINUATING
BOOK AGENT.
When the Tomato Satarnalia IS at Its Height She
Blithsly OOmss-A Persistent Lady Whom
Indignan. Looks Did Not
Oblitsrate.
Luke sharp in Detroit Free Press

vsrious maraud: Is thsti1fsst c~ivilized-or,
IS l sm speaking of amateur farming, per-
hips I should say-Ssmi-:iyiliz:d society.
TIaupL book agents, tree peddle!s, light
riog rcd men, insurance solicitors 81 d ali
tnat sort of terror have the amat ur farmer
or his wife at their mercy. You cn't
spring an electric arrangement and call in
q policeman or O1t the fire department if
VOC turn the hsnile too far. EVe1 if you
shout for hslp this ~ntiShbOrs a;e too dis
tant to hear you. Thus il is that my farm
is set ous with kinds Of tire s that didn't
want, aid that tie bulldogs are covered
with insurance and lightning rod l that
my book cases groan with voluL- lat no
one ever thinks of reading.
TIE book agent is terror, equa only
by the fruit tree mau. / have OI.e1 sat
up nights pondeting over the QUESTION,
(which is the wore Of the twO?" Some.
times I thought one way, someimes an
o'her, depending on which of them visited
me last. l am usually Of the opinion that
the book agent is the worse, for the B. A
is generally a woman.
The other week one of them came
around, but nobody was at homs, and she
contented herself with thrusting under the
do Ci calaoSescribing the advantages of
Il serial work Entitled The Pictorial His
tory of Spain" Bat what interested me
most was a bit Of torn paper which the
agent had dropped unawares, and which
was as follows:
~EppJNATE ANO INFLUENTIAL.
"(N. B.-Thi3m must on no account be
shown even TO your heit ftiend.)
sit IS unioctuna'e'y n)w the case TINT
many persons oil iect to a call from a Eo)k
agent. Suci being ths case it behooves
thu successful agent to take moe than Or
binary care in spp!olchinga custO ner. 1t
having been re ported 20 us that people
have d licecstely slammed the DOR in the
faces of our agents before a word could be
said, we hav9 given the S1bject much
thought and have Conpiled a set Of rules,
which, if strictly followed, assure to result
in su ;cess:
"Firtt Dress like o lady o, gentleman.
"S9c9nd-HaVe no book or parcel Tisi-
bic.
"Third-TO gain tbs conf ience of thu
p:ryon approached AMI obtain adm!ttsnce
to the house proceed as"
Th:rs It left off asst at the most exesper-
atiug point. Mt even ITO be continued
at the end of it. Tho paper was torn
across, and I was torn with anxiety to
know just how the agent got in and how
she won my confde7ca.
The week after that 1 wasn't q! homs
much. II Iusscieaning time is popularity
supposed 70 be the most trying periO1 OF
life for TIE unfortunate man o. the family.
/, of course, try TO avoid the dwelling
then IS much as possible; bu', in ny
opinion, housekeeping isn't a circumstance
to the tonsto canning struggle Then
the pl CO takes on a fearful and
ssuguinarJ app2arlnce There Is
to me something appalling
in the sight of the woman Of tn house
with sleeves rollaiup t. the e'b)W ami tae
formerly fair arm dripping with the Grim
son gore of the Slaughtered t)mato. TIE
hCu 80 reeks with thu OdOr of boiling pota'
tco4. ROWS Of grim bldebeard jars stand
on tn, shelves Of this vegei Ariau butchery
and Others empty yawa for blood. I'm
such a place SIS thil snh at such an hour, y
it il iast as well for the Insignificant man
person to keep away from home. In the
heat of the carnage the l!dJ of the hous:
dceen't want TO sec thu hest friel Id abe has
on earth-much less her husband.
Just as the tonst3 s~atu-ra'ia was a. 1t;
Insight there ana j ring at the door bel,
! The girl went TO the door and anne back
with q neat card 10 her hsni, on which
were beautifully engrsvsd the wOIds,
Filth Batter wick"
Der me-" sid the lady of thu ho1se,
wipiug her tomltG-3tsinsd bands Oh The
kitchen towel and taking the card, 81
don't want to see anybody. l don't 70
remember that name. What did she looh
like? Had ehe a p&rcel?"
mo, ma'am."
"Is she an sgent, do you thi1k?'
'She don't lo1k like ols."
Had she 4 subscription book in he
nand?"
"No, ml'am, nothing bu! q nice plrasO
with lace on i.?'
"Dii you show her in the p,rlol:'
"Iss, ma am"
Then tel her, please, that I'll be dowr
in s f5w minutes"
With that The worried wonSn ran uI
stairs, hastily removed ali traces Of the t.
m1to fight. pltOa 3 nice dress, fixed up hsI
hair a Bit, pinned 0 br"Oc1ia place, slip )sd
On an ant of Ii rgs, gave her flushed
face a few dsshes Of po 8dfr, TOOK q back
ward slalce at the mirror 10 SCI that the
drapery hung all right, and then came
down to the parlcr with thu ST Gtely air o
a laiy of infini'e leisure rather than the
manner of an over worried amateur far
mer's wife.
she approached her visitor with that all
of noa-c1mmistal reserve that msy in
momsn. brighten into a ge1isl welcome o.
fcsezs into a fr gid dismissal, (which lsdie:
Sc M to knOw 10 toss ume t)wards thosC
about whom there is doubt as 10 the desira
b.lity Of farther acquaintance.
Ths visitor arose with q pleasant smile
and ssid:
81 am 50 pleased to meet you, but ! sn
afraid 1 have come st an inap2ropriat'
time
'Oi, not at ALL" was the uncandid re
az was talking about literature will
Ms. Blank the other day aud she said tina
you were very fond Of reading"
Eyes, l am, but l am sorry to say tina
at this season of the year it is hard TO gs
much tine for reading"
1t was certainly q most inappropriate
time for the discussion Of ~litsrstuIe. Oaly
too plainly was in the sir the scent o
burning tomatoes, ard the mistress wa
certain that the maid would pour the ret
hot mixture into an ice Geld glass jar auC
split it into q thousand fragments.