Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-03-08
Advice To q Young Man.

My son, there are just two things in
this world that / don't know about, and
you have just asked me about one of
them. [ don't know why there is trouble
and sorrow and toll ard poverty and
sickness and death in this beautiful world.
l used to know when l was much younger,
but I find that as 1 grow older I don't
know great deal more than I used to
know. [ don't know why all the best
people seem to have all the suffering ana
the great sinners have all the fun. /
don't know why innocent men suffer for
the wickedness of guilty men. l don't
know why the man who cast the faulty
columns in Pemberton Mills wasn't
crushed when the mills went down.
can't see why my neck should be broken
in q railway accident because a train d s.
patcher sends out wrong order or a sig
mailman goes to sleep. / don't see why
my neighbor should be cursed with ill
health and suffering just because his
grandfather was a hard drinking old
profigate. I can't see why should have
neuralgia just when I want to feel at my
best. can't understand why Garfield
died ana Sullivan lives. l don't know
why some people starve while worse peo-
pie founder. Well, you say, wouldn't it
be pleasanter if all these crooked things
were straitened out? Yes, oh yes! And
wouldn't l run things little better if
had the running of them? Ye-e-hold
on minute-ye-I don't know, really,
that want to try. There ars several
things to consider when man sets down
to run universe. True, if 1 managed
things, [ could make several improve
Of 4 hou
the neuralgia, for one thing; my boots
would not run over at the heels like an
italic d.; my pantaloous would not work
up, or bag at the knees, and my collars
would not climb the back of my neck,
and my mustache would not keep waxed
at one end like a bristle and fray ont like
q satin ribbon at the other, and-but
there are some other things to look after.
The little matter of day and night think
/ might manage for q week, maybe, but
there would be an eclipse or two to look
after, an occasional rain, some snow,
late spring or an early autumn or a ca
PRECIOUS harvest time to manage; there
are certain movements of the sun and of
the planets that have rather delicate re-
lations with the earth. Come to think of
it, my boy, have never yet been able to
cOnbrOl my own personal neuralgia.
Now, you are very kind, but l will most
respectfully decline the appointment. I
find, on looking into the varied and try
ing duties connected with the Office, that
my bodily and mental strength would not
stand the great tax that would be laid up
on them. While I am in the beartiest ac-
cord with the Administration, and wishto
give it and to the extent of my poor
ability do give tiny most earnest sup
port and encouragement, yet 1 much pre-
fer to do this in my capacity as private
citizen.
Where Sunset COx's Jokes Come From.
1t is said, probably falsely, that Mrs.
Cox, wife of the brilliant congressman,
has clways been reading every paper,
magazine, or book for the sole purpose
of clipping out the jokes. Every joke,
however frail, she clipped out, and thez
she pasted them in book under appro-
pirate headings. Every bon mot, every
witticism, even every pun, however sickly
his interchangeable helpmate arranged in
its proper class. Then the genial Sunset
wonId read up his jokes-not study them
by no means, for he is too clever, too
witty, too original for that; but be would
read these pleasantries until he had thor
oughly absorbed them-until they had
permeated him. And then or the first