Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1888-12-20
5selntn1tt Chronicle.
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 20, 1883.
ABARN-YARD TALK.

"What | think" said the pig, as he
settled back on his launches, as though
he was his own easy chair, is that there
are altogether too many holidays in the
wear. II, labor is so noble l don't see
why men should ever pause for holiday.
l should think the sudden stop would
endanger their lives. Men talk about
me being a glutton, and use me as a
simile to illustrate every excess, but
when they have holiday they do no.
thing but eat, eat, eat. There is one
thing l am thankful for, though"
"What is that?" asked the gander.
"That am not fit to eat in midsum-
mer, and am therefore safe on the
Fourth of July"
although l am not entirely ripe at
that period" continued the gander, 81
am billed as green-g goose, and am con-
sidered quite delicacy. But my chief
fear is Christmas. If my mortal coil on
" continues unshuffied until the Doth,
that is the day my Christmas cheer goes
up. But even if am not butchered to
make a United States holiday, have to
take my chance of being plucked. Some
times l have handfuls of down pulled
up by the roots, and then l am full of
holes, and look like porous plaster, and
would do first rate for a cribbage-board.
Until l am reduced to goose grease l
shall know no such as merry Christ
mas"
Thanksgiving is about the dreariest
holiday in all the year," remarked the
gobbler, as he waved his wattles like
red flag, and tapped the peacock feath-
ers donned to disguise him as mem
ber of that flock. 81 am now being fed
on English walnuts-that is, they are
being put before me-but l am dieting
in order to reduce my weight, and be too
thin when the awful day arrives to be
selected as a victim for the block. Ev-
cry night, when the other turkeys are
sleeping on the topmost limb uncon-
scious of the fact that they are putting
on flesh, am standing in yOnder brook
with the water right up to my wish-bOne
to secure malaria and an emaciated ap-
pearance that may save me-"
"This holiday business is terrible"
grunted the pig.
at is," all the others replied in chorus.
81 fare worse than any of you," cluck-
ed the hen, "for before l know it | am
spring chicken-a broiler-and if eS-
cape through brotherhood, l roaster,
and after L have been a roaster, and am
waxing old and weary, am still young
enough to make soup, and when l am
too old for soup, mingle with the sere
and yellow leaflets of the lettuce, and
become chicken salad. l think the best
chicken salad is made of veal. But
then | am not stricly holiday fowl; l
am Sunday fowl, and may be killed for
the table any Saturday. If 1 only had
to worry about few holidays per an
mum, l should be comparatively happy.
Why, it was only the other day that
read about little girl who collected the
wish-bones in order to make photograph
holders, and tried to persuade her parents
to live on chicken. Think how many
of us must have been sacrificed to salts
fly little girls ambition!"
'Iam very gla6 [ am a duck" said a
member of that tribe, with a self-satis-
flying quack, because l am not so east
1OUAN OlC lOoG VI y Ou. L Sdu hCCp
out in the swamp for weeks at a time
Last year L tried to become a wild duck
and migrate with flock that was rest
ing on its journey in yonder swamp.
But some one shot and bagged every
one of them before they could continue
their southwark journey, and 1 only es-
capped by keeping under cover until
nightfall. l don't like the idea of being |
filled with mashed potatoes, onions, and
sage, and roasted for hours with my legs |
tied together. L am very thankful that
/ am not eaten much in summer, that |
my down is worthless, and that my
wings are not big enough to be utilized
as ash brooms"
Just then they were disturbed by a |
call to supper, and the poor amphibian
that didn't like the idea of being sewed |
up full of onions, began singing with
the rest:
when falls the snow, when falls the snow,
Into The pot we've got to go.
Well make the tOothsOme fricaSsee,
And royal roast-ah me ah me!
And oh, it is not very sweet
To think of being sauSage-meat;
1t just destruction with us plays,
These holidays, these holidays