The Russellville Democrat., 1888-06-14
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
sposimen Kicks From Recent Issue of tt
 Kicking Sheet.


 Kicking Sheet.
 TEN THOUSAND REWARD. On Tues day night of last week, as we were preparing to go to bed after hard evenings work, some murderous wretch hurled brick through the only window in our office. It was in- tended for our destruction, but that Providence which watches over an ed- itor as well as sparrow willed other wise. It struck and knocked our bed- stead to pieces. pied three dead ads on the stone. and then glanced off and ripped up several feet of flooring but left our person untouched. We were out of the office inside of ten minutes. but the blood-thirsty fiend had made good his escape. We have been warned that we must go, and this is the seventh emphatic hint to stir our stumps, but here we squat We don t vacate. We don't scare. We don't change our editorial course one iota- We hereby offer s10. GOO reward for in formation that will lead to the capture of the dastard who attempted to assas. sinate us. and hereafter we warn the public that we shall sleep with n double-barreled shotgun across the foot of the bed. Any one coming to the office at q late hour to ask us to play game of poker should stop at Scott's corner and whistle four times as a signal.
 CORRECTION. Last week we had a brief item to the effect to Major Horn back, our efficient Register of Deeds, had got staving drunk. destroyed a bushel or two of valuable papers. had two fights, and then gone home to smash his cook stove and lick his wife. Next day Major Hornback called at this office and not only subscribed for the Kicker for himself, but sent two copies to friends in the East, paying us six dollars in cash. We therefore desire to correct the item of last week. The Major was not drunk. It was simply an attack of vertigo, to which he is subject. He was never drunk in his life. and more efficient public official, or n kinder husband and father, can not be found on the face of this globe We shall make other corrections from time to time as the victims come in and subscribe.
 SPECIMEN VENoM.-This week we nail the lie set afioat last week by some of the yenomous serpents on Jackson Hill to the effect that we had been re- fused credit at Booker's saloon. No event of the sort ever occurred, and the story was set afloat to injure our commercial standing in Chicago. It was lie made up out of whole cloth, and as soon as we can locate the liar he'll be made to believe that double two-story house fell upon him.
 REVENGE. Two weeks ago we had the pleasure of showing Steve Battle up to this community in his true light that ot a jail-breaker, incendiary and robber. In revenge Steve waited for us in front of the widow Chiffon s house the other night, where it is well known we are doing little courtinS with view to matrimony, and as we reached the road he made rush for us, crying out that he would have our life. We were taken unawares, knocked down and pounded until we couldn't holler. As a result, Steve Battle has been run 6ut of this town with a rail beneath him, and warned that he will be hung if he returns. We are able to be about again, and return our thanks to such friends as have sent in flowers, sausages, butter crackers, codfish and other mementoes. We expected dozen wallopings the first year of our stay, and will probably get 'em, as we have averaged one a month so far. The worm will turn some day, however, and then look out!
 THANKS. On Thursday night, just as we had exchanged our day-shirt for the calico Mother Hubbard in which we sweetly sleep, music suddenly broke on the stilly atmosphere. It was lit tie serenade arranged for our benefit by that golden-haired angel. Miss Bella Hawkins, whose father has been prominently mentioned as our next mayor. She led band of five, and they played two fiddles and sang sev- eral old ballads which deeply affected us Indeed. for the moment we were carried back to our mothers knee, and all that night we felt much nearer Heaven than ever before. Miss Bella is not only the superior of any song stress before the American public, but her father and mother are stars fitted to adorn any Armament. They reside in that beautiful adobe on the right as you rise Jackass Hill, and one has but to glance at the outside to realize that people of culture live there. Yes, it was glorious sercnade, and we shall feel the invigorating effects of it for some months to come. Any subscriber receiving paper with an "X'' marked in violet ink on the margin will know that his time is half-out, and that he is ayppeta1 to coma aUaiD in six months