St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-02-05
DUAL DEACON WILKINS.

HOW long he pondered on it, he could never
truly tell,
But at last upon the Scriptures with an oath
his finger fell.
Il have got it, holy Doker.'' were the wicked
words he said,
And it surely is surprising that he was not
stricken dead.
For the swear he swofe was awf,l-worse
than most profanity
1t was uttered with his finger on the Bible on
his knee.
And for him to mention poker-he, the
church S strongest pillar,
Tell it hot 10 Sister Wilkins for it certainly
would kill her.
i have got it, have got it" he repeated DER
And the difficulty vanished that had been so
great before
Though The text is worded thusly. the in
tention was TO say,
That single institution God and Mammon
can't obey;
THAT camel can as easily go through a
needle S eye
As the riches Of the wealthy into heaven
Now, in me. in Deacon Wilkins, not a unity
you see,
But instead dual being that is bodied forth
in me.
Here the deacon, who to churches and
salvation is inclined:
On the other side is Wilkins, with wicked,
worldly mind.
And for either Mr.. Wilkins or the deacon TO
attempt
To serve God and Mammons sinful-that
is plainly what is meant.
mr.. Wilkins has his Mammon and the
deacon has his Cod
There's path been marked for each of them
on this earth to be trod
Why, damn me-. chat was Wilkins;) bless
my soul! (the deacon now.
All who put their minds upon it this solution
must allow.
Two eyes have lone for looking out for
Wilkins while he's here
And the ether one for seeing deacon's hope
of heaven clear;
Two ears have lone for listing to the small
and quiet voice,
While the devil, through the other, Mr.. Will
kins may rejoice;
1.-TWO arms have lone for reaching down
for anything like gold
While the other, up above NE, shows where
deacon has his hold;
Two hands have lone for gripping onto
every cent get:
With the other clutching heaven, all emer-
gencies are met: ~ III
Zone tongue only which shall claim it,
What for this can make amends:
Mr.. wilkins has suggested it be looseped at
both ends,
And the while his end is Wagging he NAV
work it free from uualms.
Knowing well the pious deacon will be sing
ing sanity psalms;
1.-TWO feet, yes, but both must travel one faf-
recuCn-um, UNI. UNI
An. the feet shall go to Wilkins, for the
deacon needeth none.
All the walks Of life are sinful he will na,,gi,t
of sinful things;
So to keep him from contagion he must get
along with wings;
''And, of course, the soul the deacon can
most properly employ.
While every other inward Mr.. Wilkins will
enjoy.
But the wicked, worldly Wilkins he must be
When the self-denying deacon shall be taken
up on high
Thus the dual Deacon Wilkins sat o.reason-
ing that night
When funny feeling seized him and he lost
his senses quite.
For he saw himself dissolying and dividing
into two.
And the agony was awful that his bones and
flesh went through.
There he stood-or rather. they stood. ONE
eyed, One-eared. and one-armed
one long tongue stretching between them
working at both ends unframed
Praying. lying, singing, swearing, in a des-
perate endeayor
10 effect dissolution that would free them
from each other.
All. the anguish that they suffered, How
they wished themselves unborn.
How they Wept to hear the footing ON the final
judgment morn.
LO, mighty voice commanded Deacon Will
klns to appear,
And one end the tongue responded, Eyes,
dear Lord, the deacons here
Shrinking. shamefaced. went the deacon for
the Judges close survey
And in fear he humbly knelt there with his
one eye turned away
Silence dread at last was broken, and the
Lord to Peter spake,
Good Saint Peter, did ever such thing as
this create?''
Bring forth Deacon wilkins record ;, sapa
Saint Peter made reply,
Then 1mplorlngly the deacon lifted up his
only eye,
ing and family said
Just a word, Lord; I'm the deacon-Wil-
kins, II you please, is dead
Then the Lord severely Numbered, ''Deacons
are not in my plan;
Though the animals were finished with the
shaping OF man;
In my image did shape him, and, deacon !!
answer me,
Is there anything about me that resembleth
aught in thee:''
This tongue did begin the deacon
stop. the Lord exclaimed in wrath,
go no further, forbid thee, but produce
the other half
Vain the deacon looked around him. hopinp
to behold his wife,
Thinking she might help him out here as she
often had in life.
Nothing now would do but wilkins: he. alas,
was in his grave;
There was no one there to aid him, there was
no one who could save
Oh, Tor that lost part that Mammon had con-
sumed sacrifice!
oh, the half he'd left behind him oh. that
cursed compromise!
But the Lord He waxed impatient. and He
hardened hard His heart;
''Thou remains of Deacon Wilkins. take thy-
self away-depart
Thou art not the man / made thee Int tho
work of man art thou:
Ii ever, ever knew thee, should never
know thee now
Then the deacon pied for pity w it'll a loud
and lustv groan,
But Cor the Lord repeated in a stern, deci-
sive tone,
That shook the walks of heaven till His
nearer heard them break;
With q frightful crash they tumbled, and
the deacon was awake.
He rubbed his eyes-yes, there were two: oh.
blessed be His name!
He scanned himself all over, and all over was
the same.
No missing member was there surely God
was good and great,
Aud he vowed his soul should never meet
with such an awful fate.
He would never more divide himself-two
masters try to serve;
And he went to church that evening with q
very Christian nerve;
But while the deacon shouted, Mr.. Wilkins.
Forgot his contribution quite and let the bas-