St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-09-02
BURDETTE'S HUMoR.

"And how do you stand on the tariff,
MIR. COrnbrake?" asked the schoolmas-
ter; ''are you a protectionist?" ''I?'
replied the chiropodist; mo, Pm feet
raider" [Dies.l
"Who is that fellow Miss Lightfoot
is dancing with?" "Oh, that's young
Shutmeoff. the meter man for the
Stygian Light and Fuel Company" Il
see; that's the reason she turned me off;
she's struck gas SWELL"
-
Justice Mittimus-"W is the charge
against the prisoner"
Mrs. DOnOvan-''Sure, your honor, /
caught the bloody winded robber in me
hin house stalin' me eggs"
Mr.. Whitesmoke-"Nevah done no
sech thing, boss: dem aigs was stale
long afOre was ole enough to know a
aig f'om a base balI.'
~
Mrs. George Archibald" = every
body enjoys her poems-is the mother
of the cutest baby in Elmira. A little
while ago she came to the pOetess with
the baby conundrum: ''Ma'ma, which
do you like best-the dark, or the shine,
or nice fresh breeZe?"
-
The Peoples Tribune, one of the
aDleSt papers on our exchange list, III
an imprisoned article on the trusts
compares them to ''Esau of old. contain
mating his fingers with base brides, and
selling his brother to the Egyptians for
paltry handful of silver" This gives
US more exalted opinion of Esau; it
took mighty smart man to sell ESau's
younger brother.
A foolish young man Of La Cygne,
Went and planted Boston baked bygne;
Then he said, with frown,
why, baked beans are brown,
But this one Is coming up grygne"
''That Prohibitionist party holds the
balance of power this year," said the
deacon.
Flows that?" asked the chorister.
why" replied the deacon, the Re-
publicanS hold the power in
the North, and the Democrats in the
South, an d the Prohibitionists control
the balance of the country"
~
Everybody is coming out these days.
Francis Murphy's son has come out for
Harrison. George HenshaW has come
out for Cleveland, and Sam Wallace's
Come out nicely, too, they say. Who
say? The measles. dummy, the measles:
can't you read?
Well, We'll find name for him after
awhile, and it ought to be good one
when we get it. We used to call the
man who rides on the right hand side of
a locomotive engine the engineer, then
put little English on it and got to
calling him the driver" and now
Scribner's Magazine comes along and
calls him runner" It's all right, we
reckon. only we stick to it that a loco
motive goes on wheels and not on rum
uerS.
"You have great deal of wind here,
don't you?'' inquired tine tourist. well,
ye-es," said the native, "we have, but"
Frightening up-''it doesn't belong
here; it all comes from away up in the
Northwest somewhere"
Teacher shakespeare saws, %, that
men should put an enemy in their
mouths to steal their brainsp Now,
what is this 'enemy?'" Sad boy, whose
father runs for Office now and then
''lf you please, ma'am, it's their
tongue"
Sabbath morning: Mr.. Smallpew
pauses at the acknowledgement, have
you any change? / want something to
put into the collection basket" Mrs.
S.-"Why. yes; haven't you any
money!" Mr.. Smallpew-"Yes, but
nothing smaller than quarters"
~
''Is it bad FORM" writes G. Mex.
Henly-Barnes, ''fOr me to wear my dress
suit in the morning." Why, no; if you
are the head waiter, certainly not. 1t
would be quite proper. Perhaps, how
ever. it would be we'll for you to consult
on the subject with the proprietor of
the restaurant in which you are en-
gagged.