The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-05-24
WIT AND HuMOR.


1t doesn't bother lawyer to see
breakers ahead-that is if they are law
reakers.-Merehant Irareler.
What does it mean when the King
rent his clothes?" 81 s'pose he hired
them out, ma'am. THE Teacher.
The first thing needed in candidate
for public Office is availability, and then
the next thing is veil o charity.-DsI-
lath Photographer.
There is always room at the top, y"
and the biggest strawberries generally
get there when they are hustled togeth-
er in box.-Neso Orleans Pcayst''e.
The Herr Professor-s.D -s.Donnerwetter!
What is it that that outrageous rumb-
ling in the street makes-ah--pardon-
it is abeer-wagon. .''-Fliegeasde Btoetter
Mrs. Nuwed (reproachfully) surely.
you are not going out again tonight,
Henryp Mr.. Nuwed-Oh, no, not again;
this trip will keep me until midnight
Puck.
She-How do you like my new shoes,
Adolphp He (dreamily) )-They are sim
ply immense. It took the two families
week to patch up peace.-Detro1 Free
Press.
When the scriptural writer advised
people to heap Goals OF fire upon the
heads of their enemies fuel was proba-
bly, much cheaper than it is now.-Lfn-
coin Journal.
That bothersome question to some
folks, ..Whom did Cain marry?n don't
worry us. We are not descended from
the elder branch of the family.-Mar-
tha's Vineyard Herald.
If the sympathy which is wasted on
criminals was bestowed upon the rlch
they might be brought to look upon
Detroit Free Press.
At West Point Instructor-Why
don't you turn out your toes? Celtic
Cadet-Me family niver evieted any
thing yit, sor, an Oi'll not begin ay vi
resoign.-1id 1id-Bits.
He-I hear that our mutual friend,
Miss Elderly, has married corn doe
tor. She-Yes, she has succeeded al
last in getting a man at her feet. How
romantic she lMocking Bird.
..And are you really so badly broke,
nv friend?" he said, as he rendered q
tramp penny. .sBrokeP" was the bit
ter response. s'I'm as badly broke as
the ten commandments" Life.
There was an old proverb which said
promises were like piecrusts, but the
modern cooks have consplred to wipe
the similitude and cripple the proveri
forpractical use. .-Binghamton Leader
1t is said that many literary men il
this country owe much to their wives
There is poor prospect, however, tina
they will ever get etmoney enough togeth
er to pay any of the debt.-Sonerrait
journal.
IF it wasn't for one thing, John,
said she, as they sat down to their fru
gal dinner, Il could have made SOM
nice oyster SOUP Indeed! What wa
that?'' Il didn't have anything towar'
it but the salt. ."-Judge.
Bridget Ito lady receiving calls)-
The landlord is at the door, mum
Lady-Yery well, Bridget, Ito caller.
Excuse me one moment, please; it i
my landlord with receipt for the rent
The Epoch.
"Do YOU believe there is such thins
as luck?" asked young lady of an oil
bachelor. 81 do I've had proof of it.
ssIn what way?n Il was refused by nv
girls when was a young man. Her
chant Irueeler.
Country minister Ito boy fishing)-
What will your father say, little boy
when he discovers that you have beel
fishing on Sundayp Boy-l dunno, sil
it depends on how many fish ketch.-
Neao York San.
Miss Clara-You say, Ethel, that yol
only paid ten cents for having You
gloves cleanedP Why, was asked Ii
Miss Ethel with slight but not dan
gerous cough)-Yes, ] suppose the sig
Is considered. Epoch.
Norwich has a man who says tn
bridge across the Thames at Newton
don is to be the biggest kind of
bridge. He has examined the plan
and declares that it will have fiv
spasms. Noraoieh (Ct.) Bulletin.
Ethel-Did you go to Italy? Harrie
%, my, yes! We staid there tw
months. Ethel-What do you think Q
the lazzaroni? Harriet-O, it's awful
/ tried some the first night / was there
but it doesn't suit my taste at all.-Life
He-I see that old Mr.. Bentley wa
buried yesterday. Wife (shocked) y
Why, is old Mr.. Bentley deada He (wh
has just been sat upon)-The pape
doesn't say whether he is dead or not
simply that he was buried yesterday
Life.
A man out west hearing a woman sa,
the woman's suffrage movement mean
equal rights to all, at once declare,
himself in favor of it, remarking tha
he hadn't dared to call his soul his owl
since the day of his marriage.-SmiM
Cille (Ga.) NeaOs.
This is the order which a little CIR
brought into a Lewiston druggist
store the other day. 1t was written OIL
dirty piece of note paper as follows
+'Mister Druggist: Please send ipeca
enough to throw up 4-year-old girl.
-LeWistops Journal
Fair visitor Ito conyict)-I suppose
sir, that the singing of the birds relieve
the monotony of your dreary life? Con
vict profoundly nonplused) sing
ing of the birds. miss? Fair visitor,
Yes, sir, the little Jail birds, you know
They must be such a boon-New Yorl
San.
Striker Ito wife)-Well, what sue
cessP Wife-Good, john Mrs. Smitl
will give me weeks wash tomorrow
and she thinks she can find some plaii
sewing for me to do. Striker (enthusi
astically)-Splendid! Well make tn,
company get down on its knees yeti
Life.
Physician How did the sedativ,
powder affect your wife last night, Mr.
Smith? Mr.. .Smith-Disastrously Phy
sician-Disastrousl Wasn't She abb,
to sleep? Mr.. Smith-Sleep? Why tn,
baby cried from midnight until morn
ing, and she slept through it all-Neu
York San.
A New Jersey editor yearns for the
gingerbread his mother made fort,
years ago." If he wants to lay side
walk in front of his property he shoult
use granite slabs. He will find then
quite as hard and durable as ginger
bread made forty years ago.-NoT7ls
t0aon Herald
Passenger Ito conductor on Southern
railroad)-You seem nervous and ex,