Daily Yellowstone journal., 1888-12-15
Saturday, December Is, 1888.
PATENT RIGHT cRANkS.
Men Who Spend Their Time and Money
Building Castles I'm the Air.

tent business
That's pretty difficult question to
answer, but one of the crankiest fel.
lows with whom l have had TO deal
was the inventor Of a revolving pulpit.
The man had box containing a small
model of his invention. He believed
that all of the churches in the world
would buy his pulpits. He wanted
me 10 obtain a patent and assist him
in organizing a company 10 manufact-
ure and sell the invention. Millions
in it. he said; and when | told him
that he was fool and that if he didn't
skedaddle I'd help him down stairs.
he was as mad as q hornet. His in
vention WAS indeed unique. The idea
was TO have the church circular IN
form, with the pulpit in the center.
The pews were TO be arranged in rows
surrounding the pulpit the latter
being slowly revolved by an electric
motor Thus the preacher, without
exertion on his part, would be turned
so as face the different portions of his
cong egation successively. The last
heari Of the inventor he was in an
asyl I'm for the insane"
Among the cranks who are the
gre itest annoyance 10 the lawyer are
tho individuals who think they have
discovered the secret of perpetual mo-
ton. These persons have not quite
perfected their inventions, but each is
anxious TO protect his machine by a
patent and prevent others from steal
ing the fruit of his wonderful dis.
covery.
"A man once gravely informed me,
said the lawyer, that hc knew how
TO make watch that would never run
down. Now. such a timepiece would
be godsend to any person. No wind
ing, no key, no running down. no
troubled asked the inventor if he
could show me working model. He
replied that he had no model handy,
but he would explain his theory.
had the janitor bounce him from my
office without waiting for the proposed
explanation. Any person Of sense
knows that no machine can be con-
structed which will create power in it.
self. There must be some chemical or
other natural force to supply motion.
i have heard Of a man who believed
that gunpowder be made cheap
and effectual agent for propelling ma
chinery. His idea was to ignite the
powder, a small quantity at time, in
cylinder, the expansion Of gas thus
created working a piston. presume
an ocean steamer could be propelled
by means of powder engine, but it
strikes me it would be little awk-
ward for the passengers in case the
fire happened to get to the main maga-
zine"
II suppose very few women cranks
trouble you" said the reporter.
u wish your supposition was true, I"
said the lawyer, 'but I'm grieved to
say that it is not. There are plenty of
women who imagine that they can
make their everlasting fortunes in the
field of invention. As rule, woman
crank is ten times more TO be dreaded
than a man crank. She cannot be
bluffed. When one of her kind comes
to my Office / resign myself to cruel
fate. There are women who have in
vented fly traps, cradle rockers, carpet
sweepers, and goodness only knows
what not. Some of their inventions
have been successful. Mechanical and
inventive talent is by no means con-
fined TO the male sex. The most that
] have against female crank is her
proclivity 10 talk a man TO death.
Whenever one of them enters my door
I mentally calculate, Heaven pre-.
serve mel"
"What is your advice to people who
have a hankering 10 distinguish them
selves in the field OF invenuonT
Il would recommend that they
make use of common sense. Let then
begin by making sure that the article
which they intend 10 have patented A
both novel and useful There arr
thousands Of patents which eithel
never resulted in profit TO the ownel
or involved actual financial loss.
know of person who devoted twenty
five years and a large fortune inherited
from deceased relative in construct
ing a steam man. His idea was 4
have his man made Of iron. the body
comprising "a boiler and furnace, anC
the legs being worked by a steam
engine. Well, his machine was finally
perfected 20 such an extent that i
actually walked. The invention wa
patented, but the owner soon fount
that the public depand for steam mer
was very small indeed. / believe b,
did manage 10 sell few of the ma
chimes, but they were Of no practical
use 10 the purchasers except as ar
amusing toy"
Gould he not make money by ex
hibiting his steam men and charging
an entrance fee for the showi"
II remember that an enterprisinl
chap did purchase one Of the ma
chimes and place IL in O vacant store OF
Broadway. The steam man attracte'
visitors, who paid in their dimes TO Sc
him walk, but the show soon proved
failure and the doors were closed 70
good The last / saw Of this particula
steam man ne was reposing in q heaI
Of junk iron at an establishment OF
Center street. Air ships and fyinI
machines are favorite dreams for th
patent right cranks. II may be tina
3 successful flying machine, which cal
be stored in any direction. win be con