Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1888-03-22

SAlaM8ss< in new YORK; with
mym little. writER-
NA% type wi. writer
& mean couldent !
write things for YOU out :; pyy4444445ofm my
own thoughts if you would FIRST Think the561m
out? of course j can write -14Shgtrfaster than
this when had some good yumrus FRlEnd 10 De
with ss7766? now DOyou get off them droii
5443276 765things EVERY s
SUNDAY :iS it born in yOu?Or Is 1t just PLAIN
bring ing UP:
Please excuse bad spelling and bad cokxld i
thought would tell you it is rake ing haere to
daix? SO good BXxe??
yours truly
(dictated) -
The above is, of course, more or less per-
personal, but the question is one which con-
Germs many other young men who may be
thus afflicted. therefore take the liberty OF
answering an inquiry publicly which l
would otherwise regard as strictly confiden-
tial, suppressing the name, however, and the
first paragraph, both of which read like the
soliloquy of ''hell box" or the smothered
CALCULATIONS of "pied form"
To the correspondent, whose letter is above
given, might say that believe there would
be an opening here for him if he would give
himself up to a certain class OF work. OF
course, he could hardly hope to enter the
regular channels of commercial correspond
ence with typewriter that has such pro-
nounced impediment in its speech as this one
has, but could he not hope to get job at
Volapuk at headquartersg
Certainly there ought to be a place some
where for one whose only trouble seems to be
q kind of information of the vowels
There might be a future here for such a
graphic and graceful style of writing, if it
could be used in reporting telephone re-
marks over crossed wires The word paint
ing and vulgar fractions are similar, and it
might be made to arouse good deal Of in
interest if properly worked up.
OF course it would be necessary that he
should tone down some of his extravagant
figures of speech and avoid overexertion Of
the punctuator, but with his wealth OF full
stops he might do well on a periodical, and
his space work would certainly attract atten-
ton Or he could so into the counting room
of a man who did not advertise and do as
signment work.
The typewriter, in strong and willing
hands, is smitier than the sword. / look for
the typewriter to take the place of Indian
oratory in our literature, and its tinkling
notes will soon be heard, hope, in homes
where the one legged pen and the bottle OF
bluing all the writing now are doing.
Come to the metropolis Sx:t1 2&fm?S.
Come with your abnormal: and your little
tYpESwritER Come with your startling
style of English and your chaste method of
obliterating space Come and get acquainted
with mr. sage and mr. ssSss. gOuLD.W
Here you will meet many yumurus people
who will amuse you to high .. You will
w. Nv On,S bn Will
require you to drape all your figures in the
following manner (S).
Come to New York and get a new soft
palate put into your typewriter and have az
operation performed on its tonsils.
Come and visit the produce SSSlblblbbbl
bblbbl Exchange. Come and see Wall pf'd.
SSSOo0.Sy street. Ride on our Elevated
railway from BBZZZT***-(0)X!,!& !,!&&& ;:rd,
street, to GGXXKKrrtt?sB14H 4H&Blickernex
street. Visit the brig. Theodore, dam
Tarantula straight for place, b. m. Rob
Roy dam Ella Jackson horse races.!
The more you mix up with us the more
you will like us. We New Workers from
Wyoming territory enjoy having people
thrown among US. You would meet with
hearty welcome whether you came to grow
up with our bacteria or to buy green goods
Cordiality is our one weakness. If cordial
greeting would not suit you you can take
apollinaris water. With your natural ten
dency toward delirium tremens, perhaps that
would be best, any way.
used to be acquainted with young man
who wrote beautiful hand sx:t1a&fm?S,
for that was before the days of typewriters
He would bring out his writing materials
and his tongue and make a corkscrew pea
cock swimming in a large cranberry marsh
infested by loops and funny business, all
without taking his pen off the paper. He
was thorough artist, with lofty SOUL but
he could not spell. He could construct a
graceful swan with halo of chirographical
worms all around it, but nature and art
had denied him the humber joys of orthog-
raphy. He could make a lovely purple
scroll with a green fringe to it and red
eyed bobolinks, with heliotrope bosoms,
perched on space and bearing in their
bronzed talons yet other smaller scrolls that
were as graceful as doughnut horse, and on
these scrolls would be written such glittering
truths as these: SIN friendships bright ger
land, Please regard me as your Humbel fur
getmenott,s 'Look up, press Onnerds & you
will git there"
But his style is robbed of much Of its grace
and beauty by immersing it in cold and pulse
less type He was bold and fearless writer
and his hands were ever red with the blood of
murdered English. He broke down the high
walls established by the brainy but discon-
nected and flighty Noah Webster, and spelled
such words as ''pillga11ic" in way that kept
his finer writings out Of the magazines. But
when he assassinated the English he made no
attempt to conceal his methods. He wrote
under everything: Executed with a PEN"
And he rocked not Not reck.
Whether you can ever rise to such posi-
ton with your type writer, Mr.. sx:t1 S&fm?s,
I do not know. I hope you may. Your
photography is rich with improvisations,
roulades and trills Running through all
your work notice an air Of gentle badinage,
bon homme, persifage and pi. You have
given utterance in your letter to thoughts
which could not think without the aid Of
outside influences. could not evolve such
sentiments without the stimulus Of q fall
from high building or the exhilaration of
railway collision. .-....-
It is the unexpected in your humor which
gives it its chief charm. No one can tell,
when you start out, whether you will soar
away among the asterisks and space, or get
involved in scuf1e between lower case and
capital, in which you win get injured, morti-
fication and exclamation set in and you lose
your life. ~ y
/ am glad you wrote to me with your little
type writer, and though believe that you
can do better than you did, and that as q