Woodville Republican., 1888-12-01
SCHOOL oF JOURNALISM.
Colonel snort Tnstructs His Assistant HoN
70 Run the "CIarlon."


70 Run the "Clarion."
The Texas Press Association recently
went on an excursion. OF course, the
distinguished journalist. Colonel Bill
Snort. Of the Crosby County Clarion
and Farmers VSndicatoT, was one oi
the excursionists. He was obliged to
leave his journal in charge Of his as
sistant, Johnny Fizzletop. As Johnny
is young and Eighty Colonel Snort had
to give him copious and minute in
structions how to run the paper,
''Now, Johnny, / want you to re-
member what tell you, and carry out
my instructions to the letter." said
Snort.
Colonel, you can rely on me; but
how about paying the printers on Sat
urdayp"
Just tell them to wait until / get
back. They are used to that sort Of
thing"
''But ! heard the foreman say he had
to have money for new pair Of pants
on Saturday or he would quit"
"Well, If he gets ugly you give him
an order on some of the advertisers
who owe us money"
''There isn't any clothing store ow-
ing us money"
s'No; but Higgins, who has the tin
shop owes us four dollars in trade"
eWhat good will that do the fore
manP"
''Give him an order on the tin shop
for force-pump or something of the
kind. That will keep him in good hu-
NOR until | get back"
"Suppose old Major Smith calls for
the rentP"
He amt going to call. Show him
the copy Of the editorial in my desk.
It is headed "a Social Earthquake in
Crosbyville- Major Smith Implicated.
Tell him if he insists upon the rent you
will publish it..n
Suppose Miss Pegasus calls to see
about publishing her poem on 'Autum-
nal Reveries?"
''Tell her that if she pays in advance
Tor seventy-five copies Of the paper you
wilr publish it, and for two dollars
more you will mention it favorably as a
work Of genius in the editorial column.
Don't do it under two dollars, johnny
"Any thing elsep"
Don't expose the mayor and city
council unless they give the city print
ing to the argus"
"Ain't there anybody can go fol
while you are gomez l want to have
some fun myself
$50 for the Car of Russia. Ht
amt likely to subscribe. Let up OF
Bismarck or old Zweibeer, the saloon
keeperu on the corner, will take hil
ed. out"
''Any thing elsep"
eyes, give Andy Faulkner, Of th'
Texas Central, and Gibbs, of the Sun
set route, favorable personal notices
Be sure and say Gibbs is a genial pas
senger agent. That's what Away
call him when want him to give me 1
pass to get back home on"
"l'll do ii"
''And don't forget, If Banker Peter
son returns from New York, to call at
tention to him editorially. You nigh
sling in some poetry Home from
Foreign Shore If you don't do it h
will order his business card out, and W
need that ten dollars year"
"How about my grub while you ar
goneP''
bring out Pete Jackson Of the Cros
byvilIe Hotel for Congress, and he vii
let you have all the meal tickets yo
need. If he don't reciprocate, publis
that item about his uncle being in tn
Illinois penitentiary."
THAT amt going to feed me.n
''Johnny," replied the Colonel, S,
verely, lit don't seem to me that 70
have any talent for journalism"
Eyes, but I've got to eat"
"You ought to have established
free lunch route long ago. Well, if th
proprietor of the Crosbyville Hotel Re
fuses to ante up, call attention to tn
Napoleonic mind and massive intelleC
of the proprietor of the American Hous
across the way. He sets pretty fai
table,
: SIS that all, Colonel"
Remember that if any money come
: in you are to freeze on to it. ColleC
all you can, but don't pay bills. 70
7 are my agent while I am absent, bu
: you are only an agent to take in, not I
pay outmoney. UnderstandPn
. Eyes, understand. What elsep"
: ''If any bottles Of wine from weddin
parties come in, turn 'em over to th
2 printers if they show signs Of quittin
: work. It will put them in good humo
, and make them feel they are identife
with the paper"
sI'll do it.n
: There is a ham sandwich in N
Q desk. It's yours, johnny
b ''Thank you, Colonel.
a Don't forget to feed the bull pup
Q the back yard"
: 'Yes, III give him that sandwich,
he can bite it.
t "That's right, Johnny. Look on Il
= humorous side of life. Goodbye, Johi
I ny, and Colonel Snort started on ru
{ to catch the train. Teas SifEings.
An Ambiguous Compliment.
Q She was an amateur singer, and b
I ing called on to sing where there vi
no accompaniment, at once scared In