The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-02-04
OAR SHOE voN DER HORSE OFF.
BY CARL PRETZEI..

Das olt-time vimmens, vat made troubles of der peoples, und got hum- pugged nit der fhladeries of some nine-dailed cats, on der shtake, by Poston oud, a good many years already gone past, on ackound of some inter ruptions of de prain, vas got some grafeyarts pitt, yust pehindt on der trontesbiece of a gOOt many features vat was lifund exist yoost now. Dhey vas, und dhere memories neider, hafe goot reckerlections, und vas plaindly warm on der minds of many peoples. Aldough dose vitch-vimmens vas for more as hoondert years been shleebin guiedly enufF on der shurchyart oud, init not so much shtrength as von keeden, und init noting of dhere poddy und lecks, except aloud so much vat you cood holt booty veil oop init von handt init a shplid shboon; und efen der magnets und turkey puzzarts vas gone long ago away init empty shkins. Shtill, more as parel of peoples hafe got some kredules, and vas more afraid von dhem dedt vimmens as you gif me dwo tollars. Dey dink dot sometimes dhey wood come on your house pack, und make you troubles und der pblace crazy. Effery tay you got von dot luck noting goot too. When dhink of such humpugs, I cood, SO easy of not, lafe recht on der face of dem appreviated loona- dicks. voot radder hafe high in- shtep on mine nose dhen to been von like dot boobies. But der more vat we Tiff de longer we find by Shoopider boobies will hafe dhere oxcendricks, und dey dond cood hellub it anyhow l; und ofer dhem oxcendricks wood been some inshtrooments to make dhem go decent sociedy oud, und got em con- dentments of mindt, in md been three und oxhilerated, I wood not been der Gulliver feller to oxtingwish und make booty gwick out der fhlames von dot habbiness dherein.
 Dis makes something's der case differ ent, too. Der shoe von der horse off, when hung vonce py der door ofer, you got noting troubles of der witch vimmens und gobhoblins uDd such tings. Vedder or not der shoe he shall come von der shackass off, dhere vas yoost so much afraid on von as der odder von. Now, for inshtinct vonce, dook der shoe von der horse md shackass off, it makes noting different which tellers, und make It of your own house, you got efery time plaindy happiness, no matter vat your name vas nefer vonce troubles vas come init you nnd your families, and all on &C., kound von dot leetle piece of iron vat vas round und so bigger like mine left hant.
 Shtill, init dis shtrong incense, l dond cood believe on dot doxology.
 Make ein fool of dedt yimmens init shoe von der horse off; dot vas a booty good shoke, anyhow. Offer some of dem olt vimmens, vat know nc somc;ing booty we'll spoud, wood gone died vonce, sech bolicetmans uBd pull tog init ein tausand shoes wood make noting fraid dhem vimmens, baed you.
 Now, 10 been 20 seriousness like a TOetH sHlOTHi, nIHc lTOW suc SOiue- dimes got some kredules when dond know dot, und been foolishness of me like eferytings on mine pack. So -wicker she cood found a shoe von a horse off, she make it of der doortob. Pooty soon gwick bimeby wei got troubles, und she makes blue pleck of mine face; und when mine aggrsys- tion vas got oop, I make her gwick der window oud und dhen I look mine eyes oud of dot ting, der shoe. Und SO gwicker I make him down, wei got troubles eny more, und vas habby like a couple hooks in der clofer feelt oud.
 Dose which dinks init serenidy ofer der benefits von dot ignorance, he hafe my sympady; for dhrue I vas sym- pady init such boobies. Dose vich wood shtill chung to dot hybockricies, wood, on leed1e while, been on der crazy-house, init a so full of der inside oud like a post hole; und dhey call dot "imbudence of bliss und fools to I