Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1888-09-23
4 sHOPpINa EXCURSION.
Mr.. Dusenberry Made Some Purchases for
His wife and Got Some Things Slightly
Mixed.


Hts wife and Got Some Things Slightly
MIXED.
Dstrei Free Press.
''Been shopping for your wife, eh!'
suavely asked the stranger.
"Yes," replied Du.enberry, as he glanced
complacently at the packages spread upon
his knees and on either side of him on the
seat of the car.
shopping is terrible bore to me, and
/ never get anything right" remarked the
stranger. "You had every item written
down, Isuppose."
"Bless you, no % protested Dusenberry.
81 would scorn to do that. 1t would De
admitting o weakness in my mental struc-
ture. have trained myself to depend
entirely upon memory, and there isnt
better school for the memory than shop
ping excursion"
siAnd do you think that you have every
thing that you were ordered to bring-tne
shade, the quality, the quantity, and all
that ?"
why to be surep' declared Dusenberry;
"pot such matters down real fine"
.'Then, sir, / envy you" commented the
stranger with sigh. -,
When Dusenbery arrived at home with
his parcels he could not make his boasting
good. In fact, he had made q terrible
mess out of his GRAND. His memory bad
played him falsely in every instance. his
wife tried TO be pstient over ii all, but she
couldn't. There wasn't grace enough 10
offset the proyocation.
"what have you hereP" she asked,
catching at large package. "Hazelnuts!
didn't order any" -,
ssI guess they are nutmegs, my dear,
Dusenberry said.
'Nutmegs!" she almost screamed.
''How many?'
Five pounds"
ooh, YOU simpleton! Five pounds of
nutmegs! / told You to bring three
ounces"
"Did You, my desr2 Well, 1 thought
there were q good many nutmegs, and
they cost dreadfully." .
iWhat's thisP" she asksd. "a yard of
sateen. told you five yards of satin.
This is of no earthly use to me-"
Cant you make bathing suit Of it?'
Dusenbury family asked, 90 ratified" that
he really meant it.
Her proportions were none OF the most
insignificant, and 30 she frowned fiercely
upon him.
|. 81 don't see the Lyons velvet" she
said mo doubt you forgot it?"
Maria, didn't forget anything. They
hadn't any"
what! hadn't any?'
"Yes, Maria. Lyons was dead or had
gone out of business, or something OF the
kind, the clerk said"
ooh, Dusenberryw groaned she. "How
can You get off such an outrageous yarn
like that? Sskes alive, man, what do You
call this?"
st is q hairpin, isn't it my deai?"
Zone big; upgainly, horrid.IOoking
hairpiD! Oh, you parsimonious wretch.
What do | wasn't with one hairpin? The
clerk must have thought you daft"
You said I should bring you coarse
hairpin, Msria?"
81 didn't"
"My desr, let us not qusrrel-but /
dietiuctly remember that you did
Nonsense, Dasenberry. You've got
the worst memory of any man l ever
knew. ! told You to write it all down,
bat you wouldn't. I told you to bring me
gross of harpins. Not one coarse hair
pin, hut IL dozen of them"
"Oh, see," Dusenberry said, as he
rubbed the end of his nose. "Gross,
coarse; gross, IL dGz.n. 1t wasn't slip
OF the memory, my dear. It was merely a
misconprehension,"
His wife found fault with every pur-
chase, and he felt deeply Inundated, and
all the more so when he recalled his boast.
ful speech to the stranger. The last arti-
Gle unwrspped was bottle of castor oil.
"Is this for yourself?' she asked.
mo, my dear" replied he, lyon told
me to bripg castor oil"
"Dusenberry, didn't"
"Maria, shall insist that you did. It's
the last package, and surely one out of the
lot ought to be right. Pm trying my beat,
my dear, to be patient, but -"
YOU'RE trying to be patient! Oh, Lor!
I've two or three bottles of castor oil in
the house. l don't want any. and didn't
tell you to bring any,"
"My dear, I am willing to swear that
You did," persisted Dusenbsrry. "You
must allow me TO depend somewhat upon
my memory. regret that it has mar
rowed down to a question of veracity be-
tween us, and I'll try to be patient. 1t
was the last order you gave me. / had
already reached the street; you were in
the doorway; you said to me"
Eyes, Dusenberry, / remember"
"Ah. | knew YOU would! You had me
down in the dust, but now feel CORE
spondingly happy. No doubt most OF the
other orders"
Yes, you idiot, l remember! We were
standing where you saw We were. / did
not say, bring bottle of castor oil. l
said, bring me bottle of oil for the castor"
That's 80, Maria" admitted Dusen-
berry, az limp looking as dish cloth
'Pm down in the dust again, my dear;
L. ;k,a , o6,J ,lopa for mo In ha ~