Morning journal and courier., 1888-10-24
REAUTIFUL.

Artist Dobb-"Only s4 for my picture of that beautiful ruinl Why, I paid you $5 for the plain canvass." Picture Dealer Robbs- "That was before you beautifully ruined it." Town Topics.
 Teachsr-"Now if you stand facing the west will the north be to your right or left handf' New scholar-"I'm sure I don't knaw, maam; Pm g stranger in these parts. !" -Lincoln Journal.
 from the table" Mrs. Haische, who keeps & boarding house, says she has noticed the same peculisrity in bread, butter, beef, po- tatoes and other eatables.-Norristewn Her aid.
 A bishop said to child of nine years, "My little friend, tell me where God dwells and I will give you an orange" "Sir," answered the child, s'if you will tell me where God does not dwell will give you two oranges" :" Exchange
 Customer (to head waiter) Here, sir, this clumsy fellow has spilled over half my cup of tea down my back.
 Head waiter (to clumsy waiter, sternly)- Bring this gentleman full cup of tea in stantly.-New York Sun.
 s'What is the most convincing proof that you know of," asked the philosophical tramp, 'sthat 6 man possesses an inherent right to own propertyF'
 A bulldog in the front yard, !" promptly replied his companion. Chicago Globe. Snigglefritz, who resides in the suburbs, was surprised the other night to see his COW following in the wake of a torchlight proces sion. "Mine cracious" he exclaimed to his neighbor next day, "I nefer dink I see mine COW marching init der Demograts alrsaty."- Boston Transcript.
 Just Few Steps.-Tramp (to gentleman hurrying through Madison Park)-"I beg ] pardon, sir, but can you tell me where can l get bite to sati I'm starving" Gentleman 1 (hurrying oDJ-"What's the matter with the | Brunswick or Delmonico'! They're both l close by."-Harpers Bazar.
 Grocer-s'So you've given up drinking, Uncle Rastusq'' Uncle Rastus-''Yss sah. I hain't teehed CT drop in fo' weeks" Grocer -"You deserve 8 great deal of credit" Un- | cle Rastus-"Yes, sah, that's jes what sez, an was gwine ter ask yo', Mistah Sniff, eff 1 yo' cud trus' me to CT ham. life. | An Ill Timed Compliment.-H Hanover Soueer-"Wonder what made old Colonel
 Werker look so cross when congratulated him on his hearty appearance" BleeekeI Street-"Shoi Don't you know he's run ming for office on the strength of having broken down his health in the party's ser
 vioea"-Puck.
 1 good deacon one morning in driving 1 strange COW from his premises stumbled ane
 fell, causing him to be quite lame for seyera I days. A neighbor, joking the deacon aoou
 the affair, said; "I hope you haven't beer
 taking anythingi' ''No," replied the deacon 1 ssI hadn't had anything then, but I was sfte I A couple of horns "-Duluth Paragrapher.
 srI wish my wife would buy or sell som
 oil," said an Oil City man who had tried il vain to make a good turn in the market
 "Whya" asked a friend. ''Becsuse l thinl
 she would hit it right; she's lucky" "Hos | do you know she isf' Because she once tool | a chance in 8 lottery and drew @ fine prize.
 ssWhatl" stMe." Tell her never to specu
 late "-Oil City Blizzard.
 s'The singular mistake" explains the edit
 or of Texas paper, "by which our leadin editorial appeared last week at the bottom o
 a column on the third page, was caused b
 our having intrustsd the setting up of tn
 same to Q long, slab-sided Yankee jour print
 CT who happened along and wanted a jot We told him to make up the forms and wor l the papers of while we went home to giv
 our wife some much needed assistance il
 making her apple-butter. The article wa in relation to the recent act of the governo
 in pardoning sheep thief, and was heade' l Browning Folly The blundering tram
 set it up Cranberry Jelly and chucked tn
 article in the department of Useful House
 hold Reeipes.' It is such things as these tha
 make the life of & journalist one of constan
 care and anxiety, and make him an old maj
 before his time."-Chicago Tribune.