Connecticut western news., 1888-12-26
HUMOROUS

gums. -.--....
 Takes the will for tho deed-The sur. rogate.
 A full stop-Aslecp on the sidewalk at i a. m.
 The dancing master should be quick at figures.
 Usually seen on his last legs-The kangaroo.
 Always turning over . new leaf Librarians. ~'- VI
 Motto of real estate Deeds, not words"
 Applicants for loans generally adopt borrow-tone
 There is rothing like bolt for break. ing deadlock.
 Tho wind now whistling through the corn fields has husky tone.
 A hew and cry usually follow the small boys acquisition of pocket kEitc, ..
 A rock salt bed has been found in Michigan, but most men prefer hair / matt;oss for real comfort
 Gccds in tho hands ot . merchant who doos n ot advertise are like row. boats. They have no ssale.
 The car stove is back from it, sum. mer vacation and will soon bo heard from iu railway accidcnts.
 Nature is jul t with compensation for losses. Tho toothloss man is not apt to bito off moro th,n he can chew.
 'I like Pati.," said Mrs. Mulhooly, "them Two luro, and Boys de Bologna and Champs EizaDis immense"
 Tho girl with six.foot sweetheart said that she wouldn't tell story, but she couldn't help but ''draw long beau"
 Tho only thing that can down true genius aud curb genuine inspiration is pen that catches in the paper and exe- cutos design in splatter work at every third stroke.
 A wealthy young lawyer spent two days and night over one case, and at the end of that time could not tell which silc he was on. It was case of champagne.
 First amateur Nimrod -''It is getting lato, and we haven't killed anything yet" Second Amateur Nimr od- ''Wcll, let us miss couple more rab- bits and then go home.'
 He had just joined tho light battery and was telling his lest girl of the feet. Then he kissed her. ''What are you -lping, sir2" she asked. ''Only making areport at head quarters"
 Miss Keano to handsome young physician) Oh, doctor, how do you doi You look killing this evening. Young Physician (quietly)-Thank you, but I'm not; I'm off duty, don't you knowi
 Ayouug redskiu schoolboy was asked the other day what is tho highest form of animal life. "Tho giraffe," was the prompt reply of tho lad, who had evil dcntly been taking in tho circus of the pale face.
 A lady having remarked in company that she thought there should be tax on the single state-''Yes, madam" re. joiaed most notable specimen of the incorporating old bachelor who wa, present, 'as on other luxuries."
 Miss Floy Trappe (whoss mouth is undcniably largc)-Nellle, Will Dew said last night that my mouth had sweet expression. Do you suppose he meant that for sarcasm2 Miss Prunella Prism-I am afraid 50, dear; with an accent on the chasm! , Wife Cat breakfast table)-George, dear, why do all the defaulting bank cashiers from the fur West 20 to Can ada7 Husband (who is Emeritus pro. lessor of geography)-Because, my dear, though therc is less longitude there is moro latitude.
 Gentlemen" said an indignant passenger on O South Sido cable car yesterday, twill nono of you get up and givo this old lady a soat7" "rll thank you sir" snapped the lady, "to attend to your own affairs. I am not as old as you arc by twenty years, if I'm any judge of persons ago."