The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-06-28
WIT AND HUMOR.

Life Is not unlike box of StraWber-
ries-the big ones are on top.-IEd-
| Bits
Fangle-What was left in your un-
| cle's will, CumsO? Cumso (ruefully)
i was.-7Id-BaS
Soulful youth Qanguidly)-Do you
sing Forever and Forever" She e(prac-
tically)-NO, l stop for meals.-Lite.
| 1t may be said of man successful in
love: He came, he saw, he conquered.
and she concurred.-NeIO Orleans HcG-
yune.
He-It is strange, dear, we cannot
| speak without quarreling. She-And
yet, when we do quarrel we do not
speak.-Lite.
Skillful mammal do hope the cere-
mony will go off without hitch to-
morrow. Father-Egad, don'ti It's
Efeanor's last chance.-Life.
One would think that sailors, whose
diet consists principally of salt-junk,
would welcome a breeze that blows
fowl and chops about.-Neoo York 1Tit-
alne.
VOyager Con the banks of the Styx)
You look pretty well played out, old
man. Charon-Well, / am If the
''Oldest Mason" doesn't stop dying III
have to hire steamboat PhiLadelphiG
Cdt.
Two members of a Brooklyn church
were recently caught kissing each other
on street corner after choir rehearsal.
These delightful practices don't gen
orally re-choir rehearsal.-Nea0 York.
Tribune.
Country minister Gn shocked tone
of voice)-Why, my little boy, what
are you fishing Sunday forP Little
boy (disgusted with his luck k)-Whales,
mister; an l never knew 'em SO shy
1Id-Bits.
my son." said the Auburn parent
Sunday, ''what was the text?" II
dunno, pa" was the reply of the f.
year-old, but | guess it was, He that
tumbleth himself shall be exhausted"
-Let0istOn journal.
The old gentleman was irving to
find a northwest passage from the
leg to the second joint of the duck, and
was muttering under his breath. MA"
whispered Bobby, lis pa saying grace?"
-Nea0 York San.
Mabel Ga stranger in town)-Is
Maude Hifiy girl who cares much for
otyiC4 NAdhiiC l1AC' SAOutO tuhHA
so. Why, they say the affected thing
eats her meals off fashion PLATED
Nea0 Haoen NeUs.
Humorous husband Maria, what do
you think? This morning a man looked
me straight in the face and cut me.
Trusting wife-Good graciousi Who
was it? Humorous husband-The bar
ber.-Harper's Bazar.
He-Isn't the country looking lovely
these days, Miss Emiline? The grow
ing grass and the budding trees give
evidences of approaching summer.
She-Yes, indeed; and pa has already
got new front gate.-Judge.
Dodders-How's that cigar, Downes?
That brand was especially recommend
ed to me by my physician. Mr.. Upton
Downes-H'm! S'pose he thought it
was about time you began to wean
yourself of the tobacco habit.-Plck.
There is a whole book just published
giving directions How to Select a
Wife" There is no need of so many
rules. The easy and simple plan is to
60 at once to the woman and ask her
if she's married. If she's a wife she'll
say so.-MObile Register.
Mrs. Smith-Isn't that Mrs. Brown
going down the street? Mrs. Jones
Yes. Mrs. S.-Why, | thought her
husband died last week. Mrs. $50
he did. Mrs. S.-But she's in second
mourning. Mrs. We'll, he was her
second husband, you know.-BoSton
Courier.
Bjones- What time have you Cad
ley?" Cadley = -Four thirty" Bjones
..E. .L:,..-g UTL- - ;.,-& 1850
than 1 O'Clock. What's the use of
watch like that?' Galley = Use!
Why, l always know what time it isn't
when look at that watch. That's the
use of it. -Harper's Bdzar.
what made the tower of Pisa lean?"
asked the school committeeman of the
candidate for teacher he was examin-
ing, and the young man answered alb
am sure, unless it may have spent q
winter in District No 4, boarding
round. - SOmergiile Journal.
1t isn't always the boy who can tell
the teacher quickest how many million
miles the sun is from the earth on hot
July day who can gage most accurate
ly the distance from the home plate to
second base when the dandy base-run-
ner of the champion Argonauts is try
ing to steal SOnerUilLe Jour
nal.
Mamma-Did he propose? Daughter.
No, but he did the next best thing to
it. Mamma = What do you mean?
Daughter-He kissed ME and squeezed
nv waist, and Mary and Tommy saw
him. Mammy-Get your things on at
once, my darling. We can get down
| saffS haf ha oo11r-fo-alnao If
we ToS0g Topics.
Irritated Frenchman Ito American
who has mistaken him for a waiter)-
SIR, you haf gr-r-rossly insulted me;
There is my card. My seconds viii
wait upon you, sir-r-r." American
Never mind your seconds. Frenchy.
You can wait on me just aswell- Pass
me the Worcestershire sauce, and be
quick about it.''-Hdrcdrd Ldnpoon-
Lincoln girl-Nellie, l cannot imag-
inc why you should refuse to marry
that rich and agreeable young man,
Mr.. Bingby, and then consent to be-
come the wife of person like Quimby.
why can't you?'' Mr.. Bingby is
polished and educated, while Mr..
Quimby, to say the least is"
THE finest first baseman I ever saw,
and that settles it!''-Lincola journal.
A professor of natural history wan
dered away from the Smithsonian the
other day and got into a lawyers Of
tice in F street, where there is pOmp-
Gus young clerk. The professor asked
two or three questions on the point at
| issue, and the clerk finally remarked
to him largely: Il tell you it's true,
and it is true. What do you know
about law, anyway?n Nothing, moth
ing at all. " replied the professor meek
ly, .'but know great deal about
natural history, and l think you are an
ass. y Washington Critic.
Kitty is years old, and her brother,
two years older, is not an angel by
several degrees. The other night,
after saying her prayers, she said to
her mother: ''Now, mamma. isn't
there something else that should pray
for?" Yes, kittie, pray that the Lord
will make you better girl and George