The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1888-05-16

uuP' ANo ~ WahIS 10 KNOW what
time the bus leaves the house for
the train going east, and whether
mat train will connect at Alliance,
| w., with the tide-watcr train for
| cleveland in time to catch the
lake Shore train which will bring
MN INTO New York ut 7:3O, and
whether those trains are rcportcd
ON time or not, and if not, will the
ONCE state why? Other guests al
so manifcstS II morbid curiosity
through their transmitters, but the
clerk does not get excited, for he
knows that all those remarks are
filed away i'm the large black wal
| nut box at the back of the Office.
When he gets ready, provided he
has been through II course of study
takes one room at time, and adj
dressing pale young "Ranister
POlisher" by the name of "Front,"
ho begins to scatter Information,
baggage, towels, morning papers,
time tables etc. all over the house.
1t Is also supposed To he II great
time saver. For instance, No, 80
wants to know the correct time.
lie moves an indicator around like
the combination on Il safe, reads Il
few instructions, and then pushes
Il button, perhaps, Instead Ofrinp-
ing for II boy and waiting for him
to obtain the correct time at the
office, and come back with the in
formation, convcrSing with various
people on his way back, and GXpcc-
ting compensation for it, the guest
can ask the Ollicc and receive the
answer without getting out of bed.
You leave call for II certain hour,
and ut that time your own private
gong will make it SO disagrccable
for you that you will be glad to rise.
Again, if you wish to know the
amount Of your bill, you go through
certain exercises with the largo
barometer in your room; and, sup
posing you have been at the house
two days and have had II fire i'm
your room three times, and your
bill is therefore $l32.lS, the answer
will come back and be announced
on your gong as follows: One,
pause, three, pause, two, pause, one,
pause, eight. When there is Il ci-
phcr in the amount do not know
what the method is, but by using
due care in making up the bill this
need not Occur
For police and fire purposes, the
system shows II wonderful degree
OF intelligence, not only as q spec
dy method of conveying calls for
the fro Department, Health Dc.
partmcnt, Department. Of street
cleaning, Department of Interior
and Good of the Order, but il has
perfected method Of transmitting
emergency calls SO that ne Citizen:
no matter how poor or unknown
need go without an emergency
The citizen has only to turn the
crank Of the little iron marten
house till the gong ceases to ring,
then push on the "citizens' button"
and he can have fun with most any
emergency he likes. Should he de-
cide, however, to shrink from the
emergency before 1t arrives, he can
90 away from there or sCcrctc him
self and watch the surprise of the
ambulance driver or the fire de-
partment when no mangled A4e-
mains or forkcd fire hend ls found
In that region.
This systsm is also supposed to
keep its eye peeled for policemen
and inform the central station
where the patroman is at the time;
also as to his temperature, pulse,
perspiration and breath. 1t keeps
n record ot this at the main Office
on II ticker Of its own, and the in
formation may be published i'm the
society columns OF the paper in the
morning. 1t enables II citizen to
use his own discretion about s~un-
ding an alarm. He has only to be
| n citizen. He need not be taX-pay-
er or vox populi. Should he be q
| II citizen or declar" his intention to
become such, or even though he be
~ voter only, without any notion Of
ever being Il citizen, he can help
himself TO the Fire department or
anything else by ringing up the
central station.
Electricity and Spiritualism have
| arriged at that stage OF perfection
where coil of copper wire and a
can of crcdulity viii accomplish a
great deal. The time is coming
when even greater wonders will be
worked, ana with electric wires,
the rapid transit trains and the
English sparrows under the ground
| the dawn Of II better and brighter
day will be ushcrcd i'm. The car
driver and the truckman shall lie
down together, Boston will not rise
up against London, he that hereto
fore Stag shall 4, forth no more for
to slug, and men shal! learn scrap
ping no more.
BILL NYE.