News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-06

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A little girl spent the afternoon at II,
grandmother's. When she came HON
her mother asked:
'Have you been good girl, dear ?"
"Not so very" answered the truthfl
little one, ''but, oh, I've had lots {
fun !"
WOULD RATHER LOSE THE UMBRELLA.
Dealer-Here, boy, it's beginning t
rain, and there goes old Neverpay acros
the street with the new hat he bough
here last week. Take him out an un
| brella or he'll have it ruined before h
| gets home.
Clerk-Why, he'll keep the umbrella
Dealer-Never mind-hurry up-I'
rather lose the umbrella than trust hir
for another hat.-Detroit Free Press.
TOOTH OR LEG.
Tom-Got a toothache Why don
you have it out?
Bob-Well, don't mind having le,
off, but tooth, it
Tom-Well, have leg off then; i
will take your mind off the tooth.-Lite
HEARTRENDING.
Rural Clergyman (sympathetically)-
Terrible accident, terrible, wasn't it
Six men blown to atoms with nitro
glycerine?
Undertaken (tearfully)-Heartrend.
ing Not enough left of them for q
funeral.-Nea0 York Weekly.
THE KIND OF oLoGY THAT PAYS.
Reporter-There is not yery LARGE
house tonight.
Manager-No; Professor LorelIyer
doesn't generally draw much of a crowd.
Reporter is his profession
Manager er-Anthropology. Professor
Bigarm has the hall for tomorrow even
ing, and he will no doubt be greeted
with big house.
Reporter-What is his specialty9
Manager-Fistiolog Yankee Blade.
NOT IN SAFE CONDITION.
Stranger driving about Kansas City,
to friend)-What's that building there,
Tom2
been obliged to repair it little. A pri-
soner was leaning against the wall the
other day and fell out; they are repaper-
ing it now for greater security.-The
Ep0ch.
ATTENDED TO.
Smith Ito milkman)-I'II have to ask
you to chalk it up.
AiIkman (abstractedIy)-Oh that's
all been attended to-oh-er-beg your
pardon certainly, take your own time.
AFTER THE PROPOSAL
Miss Penelope-Before give you an
nv, chn1 II - I
that believe the married state to be
better amelioration of the wrongs and
suferings of women. Do you under
stand me?
Mr.. Mallow-I think I do; and if
you'll allow me, I'll hedge o little.
Won't you be sister to me2
CAUGHT ON THE FLY.
Husband-You are not the cook my
mother used to be, my dear.
Wife-No, John, fortunately. You
mustn't forget that your father died of
dyspepsia. SIftings.
AN IMPORTANT POINT.
Mrs. Blifkins (reading)-The points
of fine seal fur are, first, the texture
Mr. Blifkins-Humph Seems to me
the first point is the price. e.-NeI0 York
Weekly.
ADVICE TO A YOUNG WIFE.
Young Wife-Im afraid my husband
isn't well. These cold mornings seem
to be strain on his nervous system
somehow. He's dreadfully cross at
breakfast, and often leaves the house
without kissing me. What would you
advise me to do?
Experienced Matron-Try sausage
and buckwheat cakes. Philadelphia Rec |
ord.
NO ASSETS.
"Grindstone, I am sorry to learn that
you have been compelled to make an as
signment. Will you be able to save
anything out of the wreck ?"
"All / can save, Killjordan, will be !
my own self-respect and an incorrupti-
bic name"
"Grindstone, you shock me. I heard |
it was hard breakup, but I didn't
know it was a total smash. ."-Chtcago |
Tribune.
GEOGRAPHICAL INFORMATION.
Teacher what is the Capital
IF Canada?
Willie-The money taken there by |
United States fnanciers and boodlers.-
Life.
FOUND AT LAST.
"Miss Jollibud," asked Featherly,
''do you sing9"
ono"
"Play the piano9"
"No."
"Cook1"
"No."
"Paint sunfowers on plaques ?"
''No; why do you ask p
"WelI, I wanted to know, because /
well-ah--Miss Jollibud, will you be my
wife ?"-Bazar.
Mr., JAGGs HAD THE PROOF.
"I see," observed Mr.. Snaggs, "that
some eminent men think the Garden of
Eden was located in the Mississippi
Valley"
CHA may be true," replied Mr..
Jaggs, ''for the ark rested in the South
ern States.
"It did?"
eyes; Noah came out of the Arkansaw
land, you know. ."-Pttsbwrg Chronicle.
DIPLOMACY.
Mrs. O'Kay-Im going to Outlets,
Horace. Shall order the Sunday din
ner ?
Mr.. OKay-By all means, no Just
ass for it. Last months bill is still
due,
A LONELY BOY.
Mr.. De Dude Ito his best girls little
brother)-I notice you always come into
the parlor to amuse yourself with me
while your sister is dressing.
Little Brother OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
else is there for me to do2 Pop won't
buy me monkey.-Philadelphta Record.
HIS MISTAKE.
La Fiancee-Do you know, Clarence
dear, that when you gave me your first
kiss I was so astonished that [ nearly
went crazy
Clarence-Ah, yes, darling. Ishould
have known better than to give you only
one.-LJ6.