Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-06-13

A, MICH, WEDNES,
WIT AND HUM0R
A silent belle dumbbell.-Ex
A double play-"Two Gentlemen
of Verorfa.e@Ex.
To expect to get to heaven by sing
ing is trusting to chants.-Texas Sift
ings.
Messages from spirit land are writ
ten on trapping paper.-Milwauke'
Sentinel.
Out West a Limburger cheese trus
has been formed. OF course it vii
be pretty strong.-Boston Post
A Philadelphia thief stole thirty
five pairs of trousers the other night
He was promptly over'auled.-Chica
go Tribune.
The amateur photographers are moi
much inclined to conviviality, fol
their main dependence is upon dry
plates. Boston Post.
A Chicago man on witness stanc
fell in dead faint. He was telling
the truth and the novelty paralyzeo
him.-New Orleans Picayune.
1t is said that the soldiers of Russia
are sleeping on their arms. They
could not very well be sleeping OF
their legs.-New Orleans Picayune.
-----------------------------
Old Lady Gin Pennsylvania rail
road station)-Is this the car ter Sha
mokin, mister?
Brakeman-No, ma'am; if you
want to smoke take the car ahead
Epoch.
Jennie" said young lady turn
ing away from the mirror and ad
dressing companion, what would
you do if you had a mustache on your
lip ?" "If | liked him ] would keeT
quiet" was the demure reply.-Frcc
Press.
An ex-Congressman seized whis
ky bottle at the Hoffman House and
filled his glass to the brim. "Givt
me spoon to take that fly out" he
said. "Put another drop in," replied
the bartender, "and float him of"
New York World.
st. Peter (the gates slightly ajar) =
Who are you!
Applicant-I'm Mr.. Veritas.
The man who writes letters to the
newspapers
The same.
Well, you can't get in here.-Puck
Gas official Ito collector)-Did you
tell Mr.. Hendricks that if his bill is
not paid to-day the gas will be shut
off?
Collector-No, sir.
Why not 7
Because | was calling OH his daugh,
ter last night until 1890 and hadn't
the cheek.-Epoch.
Bobby-Pa, do men in bushes.
worry about money matters q?
Father-Sometimes, Bobby. For
instance, when a man whose credit is
not first class owes me money | worry
more or less until get it. Do you
understand q?
Bobby-Yes, pa. And when you
owe money to other people l pose
they worry until they get t2-Epoch.
1t was noble marquis, and the
other morning he found his coach
mans children playing about the sta
bic yard. Thinking TO awe them by
the majesty of his presence, he re-
marked
"Well. my little man, and do you
know who | am ?"
"Yes," replied the embyro 'ostler.
you're the man as rides in fathers
carriage. Topical Times.
Mabel, l love you" The words
came forth like the plaintive. vibrant
sigh of an Eolian harp.
ut can never be-"
"But ! am rich, and | can furnish
you with every luxury. Besides, | am
doing well in my profession and may
one day be famous"
81 know it, Harold, but you can't
tell the difference between home run
and three-base hit. =. Merchant
Traveller.
Mrs. 81 left the house few min
utes this afternoon, John, aud the ba-
by destroyed those two cigars you left
lying on the foot-rest.
Mr.. S.-The meddlng little thing
She ought to be punished. Those ci-
gars cost me 25 cents piece.
And your terrier puppy completely
ruined my new spring bonnet.
Hol hol ho! The frisky little
rascal tell you, Maria, there's
mettle in that pup.-Ex.