The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-11-28
PITH AND POINT.

A violin-A low tavern.
A private affair-A musket.
A notable feature-The nose. =.
A cold water party-The frog.
A suitable place for dudes-The
tailors.
Many an arm of sea encircles wasta
of land. ... ...''
Greatest smokers in town-Factory
chimneys. '..
A dinner fit for a bookkeeper-A
pigeon whole.
1t isn't every composer who has Z
Handel to his name. '....-
The old shoe very often finally be-
comes an alley-gaiter.
The man who colors clothes is never
afraid of any dyer results.
Aeronauts are generally "well up" In
balloons, unless they are sick.
The broad highway that leads to de-
struction is the route Of all evil.
Funny, isn't it? The only way q
clock Can do business is on tick. ,a.. . ". =
The complaining witness-Ths one
whom the shyster lawyer browbeats.
People who neverread a word of Kant
on Philosophy can tell you all about
Canton tanuel.
The under dog in the fight may be
right; but the top dog is more than that
- he is all right. ... -....-,.
The match trust is another striking
example of the necessity of extinguishing
these mouopolies. .a--" -
If you want to hear a tale of hard luck
and destitution jnst ask fellow fog the
money he owes you.-Judge. T.
The reason that an undertaken is rarely
a melancholy man is because he can al
ways bury himself in his business.-Sys-
lngS.
The duties of critic are apt to be
sedentary. he is always sitting on
somebody or something. - Aarpers
Bazar. . -. .....-.. r.,
Smith-"Was Shakespeare brokerW
Joncs-''No,' of course not. "Well,
then, how did he come to furnish so
many stock quotations" .. 81
A man in Nebraska is in jail for steal
ing sausages. The evidence against him
is SAID to be conclusive. Not link u
wanted Chicago Tribune. .....,r :.
Now the ardent husker sizes
Mid the corn, each cob and spear,
And he drops the crimson prizes
To impress maiden's ear.
-siftings.
Stranger ''Well boys, and how did
the game 60 to.day2" Boys-"We lost.
Stranger -"What have you got in that
bundle9" Boys-"The umpire"
'sDid youever take the pledge7" asked
temperance advocate of tramp.
"Often," said the tramp. "WhereT,'
cat the pawnbroker's," was the bitter
reply.-Sytings. -
II hope you appreciate the fact, sir,
that in marrying my daughter you marry
large-hearted, generous girl" 81 do
sir with emotion); and I hope she in.
herits those qualities from her father"
Dude-"Can you-ah-sell me-ah-
blue cravat to match my eyes-ah2"
Salesman-"I don't think-ah-that i
can; but can sell you very soft hat to
match your very soft head-sh!-1sra'
Sytings.
lIr. Clumsy-"What do you think OF
my riding." Teacher-"You haven't got
any talent for riding, but if you insist
on trying to tide, you ough hit to practice
falling OF without getting hurt."-
TEXAS Sytings.
care you on friendly terms with tho
defendant." demanded lawyer of q
witness in our Circuit Court yesterday.
"Well, I amt throwing no bouquets to
him." was the quaint answer.-Ph'IadteI.
phia Record.
HeWas Penniless. -Judge--"Prisoner,
the eviIence shows that you brutally as.
saulted the plaintiff. "Have you any
thing to offer in extenuation9" Prisoner
-"No, sir: my lawyer took all the
money I had."-Iime. q
Scientists have demonstrated that
there is more actual nutriment in twenty
five cents worth of potatos than in
TWENTY-FIVE cents worth of sirloin steak
But who is going to pay the undertaker's
bill for the man who eats nine pounds
of potatoes at sitting?