Connecticut western news., 1888-02-08
HUMOROUS

Needs signal ability Man at railway crossing.
 Impressions of America Footprints in tho snow.
 Wisely improving the present. ssll- ing duplicate gift
 It takes great deal of pluck to got ! the feathers of a live goose. ~<
 1888 is but little over fraction ot N time, anyhow -one and three eights. .s~~ In Arkansas squirrels are 50 plentiful ' 1. that they are sold by the bushel. They ;. arc generally sho. by the barrel.
 The best mechanic in the world can't make pair of boots that are all right One of them is bound to be left
 A physician says: ''If child doos\ not thrive on fresh milk, boil it." This is too severe. Why not whip ita N
 There are two kinds of clubs, social N and constabulary, and they ara both efficaeious in knocking man out.
 It has been averred that . lady with a\ diamond ring will scratch her nose in given period four times as often as other 7, women.
 Tramp Cat dooD: I feel 50 very much distressed. Madam: Something you have eateni Tramp: No, something rvs not eaten.
 He (at very late hour, with deep tenderness) How can leave theei She Really, MT. Slayer, Ican'ttell you. wish to heaven I could.
 Caller to little BobbDs- Bobby what makes your eyes so bright3 Bobby. (after little thought. II dess it's tause haint had lem very long.
 Justice-Ninety days. See that the fellow gets bath. Prisoner right Judge. Idon't mind the washing, only so ain't ironed afterward.
 A stenographer once said to Senator Evarts, "Mr Evarts your long sen. tences trouble me-" His quick retort was, "Only criminals are afraid of long sentences"
 Shc: 8sose.A Mn were married you promised to fulfill every wIs,, read in my eyes, but don't find itso at all" He: "Yes, since that timo have grown very near-sighted."
 A young lady recently presented her lover with au elaborately constructed penwiper, and was astonished the fol lowing Sunday to see him come into church wearing it as Q cravat
 Two young writers wero talking oi their hopes, their ambitions. 'If have not made reputation by tho time I'm thirty shall blow my brains out" as serted one. "My dear boy" replied the other, "you are as good as dead.'
 A horrible story comes from Africa. Two travellers, George and Annie Moora were captured by cannibalistic nativU and scnt to the chief of the trib, as < present. Tho chef ate George first, and then remarked, with sigh, "Tve had enough; can't eat Annie Moore.
 The most novel complaint of impure milk reported is that of London boy, boarded out under the poor-law regu- lation, who reported that the milk given him out of town, instead os being taken out of clean tins, had acen squeezed out of nasty COW, and ho ''sced 'cm ado ing it."
 A teacher noticing that upon m cx. animation paper the Isthmus of Panama was every time spelled "Pauamaugh," was curiou, to know the name of the au thor of such extraordinary spelling, and turning to thu head of the previous page, found the childs name to bc Katie Hummebaugh.
 Prof. Proctor, speaking of the pos sibility of human beings flying, says: "Tho great difficulty which man ha, first to overcome is that of maintaining his balance" Doesn't the professor know that the difficulty of maintaining his balance has caused moro than one man to fy---to Canada2
 Go forth in haste!
 No timo to waste!
 Proclaim to all creation
 That men are wisc
 Who advertise
 In the present generation.