The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1888-05-19
9ait and 9umor.
MASONRY.
A Nice old Lady inquiries About Her Hus-
bands Degrees.

The middle-aged lady with the black
alpaca dress, worn shiny at the elbows,
and cheap shawl and cheap bonnet, and
her hands all puckered up and blue, as
though she had just got her washing out,
went into the Office of prominent Mason
a few DAYS ago and took chair. She
wiped her nose and the perspiration from
her face on blue checkered apron, and
when the Mason looked at her with an in
terested, brotherly look, as though she was
troubled, she said:
care you the boss Mason Z"
He blushed, told her he was a Mason,
but not the highest in the land. She hest
tated moment, fingered the corner of her
apron, and curled it up like boy speaking
piece in school, and asked:
"Haye you taken the whole 233 degrees
of masonry"
The man assured her that there were
only thirty-three degrees and that ne had
only taken thirty-twO. The other degree
could only be taken by few who were
recommended to the grand body. The
lady studied minute, unpinned the safety
pin that fastened her shawl together and
put it in her mouth, drew breath and
said:
"Where does my husband get the 200
degrees, then 2"
The prominent Mason said he guessed
her husband never got 200 degrees unless
he had degree factory. He said he didn't
understand the lady. =
'Does my husband have to sit up with
corpse three nights in week 2 she asked,
her eyes flashing fire. 'tDo you keep lot
of sick Masons on tap for my husband to
sit up with the other three nights ?"
The prominent Mason said he was so
thankful that so few Masons died and only
occasionally was one sick enough to call
for Masonic assistance. When a Mason
took sick away from home, or when his
family desired it, the brethren were only
too glad to sit up with him; but there were
so many Masons and so few sick that it
was only once in two or three months that
brother was called upon to sit up with
anybody. "But why do you ask these
questions, madam p said the prominent
Mason.
The woman picked the fringe off her
shawl, hung her head down, and said
"Well, my husband began to join the
Masons about two years ago, and he has
been taking degrees or sitting up with peo-
pie ever since; he comes home at all hours
of the night, smelling of beer and cheese.
/ thought at first the cheese was the result
of going to the morgue to help carry brother
Masons home after they had been found in
the river l have kept little track of it,
and figure that he has taken 233 degrees,
including the Grand Sky Fugle degree,
which he took the night he came home
with his lip cut and his ear hanging by a
piece of skin"
"Oh, madam" said the prominent Ma
son, ''there is no Sky Fugle degree in Ma
sonry; your husband has lied to you"
"That's what 1 think, said she, as
baleful light appeared in her eye. ale said
he was taking the Sky Fugle degree and
fell through the skylight. l had him
sewed up and he was ready for more de-
grees. After he had taken, should think,
about hundred and fifty degrees, should
think he would let up on it, and put some
potatoes in the cellar for winter; but he said
when a man got started he had to take
them all, or he didn't amount to anything.
One time 1 wanted new hat to wear to
church with feather on, and he said
feathers were all nonsense, and the next
day brought home leather case with
felt coal-scuttle in it, and feather on it
that couldn't have cost less than $40, the
way that I figure millinery. And when he
put it on and l laughed at his ridiculous
appearance, he began to throw his arms
around, and 1 asked him what was the
matter; he said it was the grand hailing
sign of distress, and if l didn't look out an
avenger would appear from dark closet
and run toad sticker through me for a
scoffer He must have spent fortune on
the last 100 degrees.
''One morning he came home with his
coat-tails split up the back and his pants
torn Just as though dog had chewed them,
and one eye closed up and wad of hair
pulled right out of his head, and he said he
had been taking the Booth degree, but he
wouldn't tell how it happened, because it
was dead secret. Sometimes brother
Mason comes home with him early in the
morning, and they talk about full flush,
and they act full as they stand on the steps
and talk about a pat hand, raising EN- out
and calling and 'bobtail flush. One night
when he was asleep heard him whisper,
Il raise you &c. and when l asked him
what it meant, he said they had been rails
ing purse for poor widow. Another
time he raised up in bed, after he had been
asleep, and shouted, 4 stand pat, and when
L asked him what he meant he said he was
ruined if 1 told it. He said he had spoken
the password, and if his brethren heard of
it they would put him out of the way, even
as Morgan was put out of the way. Mister,
is Il stand pat your password ?"
The Mason told her that it was not.
That the words he had spoken was an ex-
preston used by men when playing draw
poker, and he added that he didn't believe |
her husband was Mason at all, but he
had been lying to her all these years.
She sighed and said "That's what
thought when he came home with lot of
ivory chips in his pockets. He said they
used them at the lodge to vote on candi-
dates, and that white chip elects and a
blue rejects candidate. If you will look
the matter up and see if he has joined the
Masons l will be obliged to you. Hesays
he has taken all the 233 degrees, and now
the boys want him to join the Knights of
Pythias and Odd Fellows want to get
out an injunction to prevent him from
joining anything else until we get some
undertaking for summer. I'll tell you
what I'll do. The next time he says any
thing about Sky Fugle degrees and Con-
sistory nonsense l will take wash board