The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-03-28
BRIGHT BITS.


THE Coffin Trust is a grave undertaking. but
il ought to flourish long enough to provide all
the other trusts with burial philadelphia
P,eSs.
WIFE-Charles, what does the paper mean by
stage of waterg"
Husband-Mary, YOU make me tired. Haven't
you heard of tank show yet?
A LADY of 81 emptied a music hall in New
YORK the other evening by singing kiss Me
Agan'-and they went out into the blizzard,
too.-Shoe and Leather Reporter.
REPUBLICAN ORGANS assert that all the outcry
against ingalls, speech is because it hurts. 1t
does hurt; it hurt ingalls, so that he will proba-
bly, never be able to recover from it.-BOStOn
Post.
COLLEGE PROFESSORS would have us believe
there is nothing higher than to labor for lore,
while their charges affect to think there is moth
ing lower than to labor for hire nghGmtOR
Republican.
A New YORK paper had this heading the
other day: "A man shoots himself in his own
restaurant" In that case the bullet must have
hit him right where he Hved.-ShOe and
Ledthther Reporter.
THE Chicago Journal says "If the right man
is nominated by the Republicans. he will be the
next President" 1t is very certain that if the
left man is nominated he won't get there
LOIceU Courier
HER ONLY CHANCE. does Miss
Elderly go on the ice every time there is skat-
ing
because that's her only chance to see men
at her feet.-Fron the German. in TeraS Slft-
t1lQS.
THERE is a great deal of talk just now about
the declining power of the pulpit. The fact is,
1t isn't the pulpit which is declining; but great
many people are declining to listen to it. The
pulpit, probably. was never stronger than it is
to-day.-Neto York Tribune.
SAY parson, why don't you preach a sermon
denouncing prize fghting?"
Il did think of it,
well, why didn't you do itY"
Because Mitchell didn't win the battle by a
great deal Lincoln Journal
A NEBRASKA CITY MAN has not spoken to his
wife for several years. but for all that judgment
should not be too hastily passed nor his motives
unintelligently impugned Perhaps she has
talked so constantly all that time that he could
not get in word.-LO1ceH Citizen.
LITTLE DoT-I don't like to help wash
dishes.
Omaha Mamma-Why not pet
IF / learn how to do such things just right,
I'll grow up into a servant girl, won't ~
NO, dear. If you learn how TO do anything
just right you'll never be servant GIRL
Omaha World.
You accepted story last week, b" he said to
the editor, sent yor by my little daughter,
aged Ia. As she is very uncertain in her spell
ing, and very sensitive on the subject, she asked
me to look in and correct it before you print il
in your Chdren's Department. see you have
it before you on your deSk-'Redd He'd Gim.' -
Correct! Chidren's Department" shrieked
the editor. Why, man, that's the best dialect
story we've accepted in year!'-Puck.
WEIGHT soCIABLEs are the latest craze at
Yankton. They differ from the wait sociables,
where you wait three hours for refreshments
and then don't get any. In the former the
gentlemen select their ladies by lot, take them
to the scales, weigh them, pay quarter of
cent pound into the general fund, and then
escort them to supper. At a. YanktOn weight
socable the other night a dime museum fat
woman was one of the guests, Just to help the
fun along She fell to the lot of an editor
and next day the unfortunate man was com
PEELED to make an -NorriStolCn
Herald.