davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Adrl.n frnr, a Professional.

Spe@kIDg n es1sr1l rr.anzer Of stag,
art. 10 sst-s 'Orsrco.ae Jour nsrvorsnexs
ss sooa ~ you CA. ard get Fall ed c.s1
control of your rcoveznsata- ADORE al
thargs. don't lose control Of yoaf voscey
SPEAK elearsy bit DO: Uzns.arzliy LODI
and tlzroz ycsr phrases AID ses.saees -
yoz would c pack of ea-Gs. clearly AID
deliberately. Never turn yoar back ~
To sgdseDcs. AID s0a't Dc afraid % ls9
thezo zee yossr taes-"-Esv YORK World
Irtcry.eE
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
IA a~s..x,s.~ Yss.a.

IA sgiis;ira l. goias Ga n ia1a szainss
tie slxagtt-r q sopsses fSod fos tAs
soHie-s- J. II pot>tet CIT ,saf = tskes
over Is 600 cSSs every y-as - fecs lie
soLaiers. aai tkss It's EirsSocs ahsea.
sel~es vS-y rarely tcrzca E1ass. Ex1aa
upoa nee. vegetables aid Ezilk Or4nS
evSa Tia poorest could have al tia r.sl:e
ks waited .or lis bsSsss ard himself. szs
INV ). Ii impossible tcr tie vscsx-r3 "a
g. ELK even fe- inta,.s xhnz4 r.c.hr-s'
bre4s:s have f.iled. I'D tsss failure Of IA
treats Is eEs eAieey. also. % tie lack q
cSwis t1slk- IsoEss-al-s Ct ehss6.sa e.s
o. sas sac1zz. xsszsIs- ssesn 49,.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Following the Line Of Duty.
Herald.

Postmaster tpointing triuuphantly at r..
hole)-Do you see thst hole. That's where so
much Of the missing nail matter has gone.
The cat caught the rat little while ago and
dragged out peck Of letters, all tern and
chewed into little bits That vindicates mo
completely. Il was tho rat, sir-it was
the rat.
Citizen dubiously>-But didn't you know
mail matter was missing all the timei
Postraster-Of course
Citizea-Thea why didn't you catch the rat
YOURSELF
Postmaster with dignityl-IIn not paid to
catch rsts, SIR. Ny business IS to attend to
the postodice. Chicago Tribune
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Eli Nve on the Washington Fly.

Washington is beautiful city, but malaria,
assassination and bluff Turk hero On every
hand The flies Of Washington arp peculiar
to the caui.al, l believe They efe gross,
phlagrnatic insect, with cold feet Their cir
ctllation il poor and their lives seem almost
destitute G. praiseworthy motive Wien a
Washington fy A.ign.s on ones person Go
feels sNznt congetive chill. followed By q
soft sbeIl crab sors o: bite, and one naturally
s,aps, G. the place with oos's hsnd, only TO
find that oaa has fooled away ones tine, for
the nzws-y hr.ae Insect simply Inea-scsrs ever
to one side and goes on with bis bsassn<sz Hs
Is diguiEed insec. AID moves With graf
elaboration, reminding o1e very much u
that respect Of the s1pranas co0rt-EI Sye
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
A MATRIMONIAL cATEcH!sM.
It Is Sometimes Wen to Practice What
You Preach.

| It Is Sometimes Wen to Practice What
You Preach.
| He was very practical, and in order to have
everything fair and square beforehand he
said:
''You know, darling, promised my mother
that my wife should be good housekeeper
and domestic woman. Can you cookF
II cam she said, swallowing great big
lump in her throat
'Can you make good breadi That Is the
fundamental principle of all housekeeping"
"Yes; went into a bakery and learned
how to make all kinds Of bread" She added
under her breath s'may be-"
"And can you do your own dressma6ng?
am comparatively poor man, love, and
dressmakers bills would soon bankrupt me-"
"Yes,n she said frankly. II can make ev-
erything wear, especially pattern bonnets !"
'You are jewel" be cried with enthusi-
esn, s'come to mF arms'-
"Wait O p1inute-there's no hurry" she
said coolly ''It's my turn to ask a few ques-
items. Can you saw wood and carry in coaly"
"Why, my love, should hire that work
done"
"Can you make your coats, vests, trousers
and other wearing apparell'
''But that isn't to the purpose"
"Can you build house, dig bitches, weave
carpets, and'-
II am not professional"
"Neither am l. 1t has taken the most of
my life to acquire the education and accom-
plishments that attached you to me. But as
soon as have learned all the professions you
speak of will send you my card. Au revoir,"
and she swept away.
And the disconsolate young man went to
the nearest drug store and bought a two-for-
a-quarter cigar, with which he speedily
solaced himself.-Detroit Free Press.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
At Cross Purposes.

Commodore of the Quohog Yacht club
Coming aboard urlannounced)-O1r fellers
is going to have darnce tonight Thought
rnebbe you folks would Ike to shake a leg
with Us.
Mrs. Reginald Peys-er Ten Eyck frigidly)
1t does not seem customary 10 use cards in
this locality!
Comrnodore-Wall, + you want to hev q
little game after tn bail, guess there wont
DO no Tbjecsior, though we feliers most gen
orally get so full we couIdnt tell JACK from
q queen after II oclock--Judge.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
One yyay to Become Famous,

Author-You say the story has merit.
Then why do you hesitate about taking ita
Book Publisher-Why, you see, sir, you
have not an established reputation. You are
not widely known yet. The announcement
Of story by you would not of itself be suffi-
Gent to make e spontaneous demand for it.
Author-rve fixed all that Ihave friend
that is book reviewer, and as soon as my
story appears he is to brand it at once as a
plagiarism from one of Zola's earlier works.
Chicago Tribune.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Ncxt Thing to . Fortune.

Vomaa-Havc you been tramp longf4
Tranp-Pretty much all my life, Ena.azn; 10
RUS in tbs family. Ny poor oidfasher was
professional for twenty seven years; hut toe
other day he struck hg luck.
Wo-nan-Did he como into al iznUenss
forturei
Tralp-Weil-er-lc, No. quite Sc-oe
influential friends Ct his SO. hin into tbs
pocrhouse-Yev York Sun
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02

"Did you hear anything about a dudo
being drowned in the riverp he asked, as he
sauntered into the office.
'No," replied the snake editor, ''but we
heard that q fiat had been sunk this morn
ing"
''Awi you have tho news, I see. Good
day"
''Ta, tai Next time bring US one through
whose whiskers the agitated atmosphere has
not moaned. "-Pittsburg Chronicle Tele-
graph.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02

'eNc, my wife is not good looking. In
fare, she's very homely. But she's goodaad
talAp:ed, and am proud Of herr
'sShes o; a literary turn, believer
Eyes, she is now contributing series Of
articles TO the newspapers
"On what subjectF'.
Elbow to be beautiful r-Lincoln Journal.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
The Great Atlantic Cable.

Every day brings US fresh proof of the
great advantages afforded by the Atlantic
cable For instance, New Y ork daily paper
prints cable dispatch stating that "a new
device is Louis Philippe crava:, like those
our great-graldiati1ers wore.' If the cable
had rot been laid we should have been
obliged to worry along nearly two weeks
longer without this vital bit of Information.
--Norristown Herald
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Tho Woods Are Fun OF such Men.

4 blizzard" representative witnessed q
novel sight in country store yesterday
where farmer actually refused to buy his
wife q calico dress because he couldn't af-
ford the expense, but before be left the store
invested half dollar in cigars for himself.
Our Judgment upon such man is that he
should be kicked to. death by wooden legged
women or stoned to death in the streets of
Gaza.-Ol City BLIZZARD
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Nothing to Show but Scars.

; Fred to chuml-What luck, Charleyl Con
Eratulations ii order!
Charley faintly1-Fred, she told me that
fhe loves another.
Fred eympathctically) - That's tough,
Charley, after all your devotion.
Charley-Toushs Why, Fred, in the past
three months her fathers dog has bitten me
no less than seven times.-New York Sun.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
a Vast Field.

"When was in congress-" said Hon. Mr..
Mufty, of Raccoon Ridge, ga certain pro-
fessor used to come miles to hear Ise speak"
"AhI What WAS his nameF' inquired
Professor Surtout, to whom the eminent
statesman had spoken
professor Tootles, of Baltimore" said
Mr. Nufty.
81 thought So" said Professor Surtout.
"TIa has since become celebrated as the au-
thor of Ten Thousand Mistakes in English
Grammar '"-Chicago News.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
His Great Misfortune.

Teacher-Try to remember this: Milton,
the poet, was blind. Do you think you can
remember itf
eyes, ma'am."
Snow, what was Milton's great nisfort~
tme9"
''He was poet."-Lincoln Journal
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02

'Teya you any data On which TO hass o
Representation g: the duration Of tie pres
ea. period OF excessive caloric in the cicuu-
ambient at1losphereT" asked young woman
with spectacles OF g nan q. Tie Union station
yesterday. "Ees'U," was the eply, ''the
next train for Boston leaves in hals On tou-.
-Pl.eburE Ctcaaicle TsleSraps
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02

Wiia-As q rale, my dear, srsas bow
ierged nea cunceited abo-. their personal
a72ea-aneel
Hrsasad-As general thing teay are, ard
look upon i. in the light os Dercfui dis
peasatsoa Of Prorldzlce Tia Lord, you
know. tclpers tie vinAfo tbs soo<n lamb
Kew York VOID
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
A Frank Admission.

a distinguished physician who recently
retired from practice has built himself q
fine house in the suburbs OF Paris. Over the
portico he placed the following simple but
significant inscription:
Who would have thought Il?
Melons and cucumbers bought It!
French Paper.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Tho Merciful Man.

Father-Johnnie,I was very much grieved
last evening by seeing you abuse the dog.
Cruelty to animals is sin which l cannot
pardon. But why arc You staring out of the
window when am speaking to youa
81 SEQ that Dingley's COW has broken into
our garden"
at has, eh9 Get me the gun, quick, and
I'll fill the darned brute with buckshot.n-
Lincoln Journal
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Profitable Employment.

Vigorous Friend-Well, George, how do
you feel today, and how do you employ your
timea
Confirmed Invalid-Oh, I'm feeling as mis-
cradle as usual, but I'm proitably employing
what time have.
V. F-What are you doing9
G. Pm writing a series of articles on
GLOW to Always Enjoy Good Health. p
Boston Budget.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
An awkward Youth.

Hostess TO gueSt3-Dont you dance, Mr.
Addict
Mr.. Addle-Aw-no, nevah dawnce; too
awkward y know, ha, hol
Hostess-You must find it rather dull
Shall / present you to Miss Smith, who is
such shining light il hterature
Mr.. Addle-Aw-no. thawpkS, don't talk
y'know, I'm too-too-
Hostess-Awkard, Mr.. Addle'-The Epoch.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02

Woman to tramp)--f I give you nico
dinner viii you help me put up some patent
self rolling window curtainss
Tranp-No, ma'am. FL saw wood, carry
in coal OF dig post holes, but wouldn't help
q woman on window curtains if she gave no
Delmonico spread.-New York Sun.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
A Fund of Information.

Countryman to the celebrated Hindoo
snake charrner)-I s'pose you know a good
deal about snakes, mistera
Hindoo Snake Char1ner-Snakes, sir, have
been the study of my eventful life. know
all about them.
Countryman-The hull bnsinesss
Hindoo Snake Charmer-Yes, sir.
Countryman-Well, I wish you'd tell a
Teller where the body leaves OFF an the tail
begins.--New York Sun
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Not q Fair Trial.

First WheelInan-I can make it from here
to Jugville in three hours.
Second Whoelman-Stumper says he can
do it in two.
First Wheelraan-Oh, well, he is a profess
sional.
Second Observation-Disclosures, do you meant
First Wheelmsn-No. Lar.-San Fran
cisco Examiner.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
He Was No Night Hawk.

'sYoung man." he said generously, 'are
you ever abroad in the early morning, when
the great orb Of day rises in all his majestic
and brilliant gloryF'
"Well-er-yes, sir, sometimes" replied
the young man, 'but generally try to get
to bed earlier than that."-New York Sun.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Not So Pleasant After All.

Did you have Il good time on your vaca-
tiongn
"Pretty fair. ] visited some friends at
their charming country home. They have a
great smooth lawn, dotted with trees, with
plenty of seats and harnmocks."
'sThat must have been glorious"
"Wen, it wasn't"
"Whyp
''My friend owns a lawn mower. n-Lincoln
journal
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
A Swell Amir.

Mrs. Veneering tconlplacently lolling in
carriage)-There, John, l told you our now
turnout would attract n great deal Of atten-
ton. Everybody seems to be looking at it.
Mr. Veneering suddenly discovering three
urchins seated on the back springs)-Fey,
there, driveri Whip behind.-New Yorl,
Sun
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
"Disturl, Not the King"

Millionaire entering sanctum)-Ha! hal
Did boy, how do you do todayl
Editor-ln-Chief Una whisper)-'S-shi Don't
speak SO loud
1Iillionaire-Why nos2
Editor-in-C hief-The baseball reporter is
writing his report in the next room, and no
has just gfven me orders that he is not to be-
disturbed either by callers or by noises.-Bos-
ton Courier.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
A Slight Difference.

Aphysician reports that he was saved q
two mile ride one night by having the pa
tent, child, brough. to the telephone and
held there until it coushed. He diagnosed
Group and prescribed therefor. IN order to
collect the bill, however, no found that a
personal call was necessary. The telephone
can't do every thing.-Norristown Herald.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
To Finish OFF With.

Lady (angrily to tramp at the back door,
You can't get anything 10 eat here.
Tramp (politely)-I beg your pardon,
madam, 1 don't want anything to eat.
have just eaten good dinner at the house Of
your neighbor, but if you could give me a
small cup of coffee and cigarette you would
place me under many obligations. Washing
ton Critic.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02

Aso1newhat unpublished mother OF very
charming daughter was recently heard TO
say: 81 don't intend lettin' Emily 60 back to
Nine. Warnings school Thsy don't teach
'em right Nov, don't know so very much
myself, but never would tell my child that
TX spells nine. Its absolutely ridiculousn-
Harper's Magazine.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
A Eirthday Present.

A boy was teasing has little brother about
the shape of his nose, when the little fellow
quietly remarked: 81 can't help it; l didn't
buy it myself-it was birthday present.
New York Evening World.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Eeamrnned.

A pedagogue threatened to punish pupil
who had called him a fool behind his back.
''Don't! don'ti" said the boy; II won't do it
again, sir, never! I never will say what
think again in my hfei'-Milwaukee Sem
tiuel
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Almost Necessary.

! ''literaTy society" in Hampton is TO give
Z concert TO raise funds to purchase q
library. This is a new departure for lit
eTary ciab, but il is not bad idea a few
books VII not hurt literary club Tiey
are Almost os necessary as pool table, chess
board or baueuet.- No-ristown Herald.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Hard Luck.

"Poor john" said Mrs. Spriggins, 'he's
lost nearly everything. But George says
he's got lots Of creditors left, and that's some
comfort 'Tain't as il he didn't have ALSO
lutelv nothin' left. "-Harper's Bazaar
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
A GrcDhic Slrrile.

Tho Jo-gins raft is described rs looking
ike "a big cigar drawn through the water
by two steam tugs Any ony who has ever
seen big cigar drawn through the water by
two steam tugs VIII know ut once what tie
raft looks Ike.-BoSton Transcript
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02

Justice-Do You know that you are
charged With the theft Of e poor laborer's
dinneri
Tramp-Yes, siri
And did you know that you violated
the iawi
T.-No, sirl Il vas case Of necessity,
and necessity knows 10 law.-Bossoa Bud
rst
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
The Bric-a-Brao Craze.

Friends your daughter Jennie as fond
of bric-a-brac as evera
Mother-Fonder.
F.-Indeeds
M-Yes. She has Just married baseball
pitcher.-Boston Courier.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Two Sunreme Occasions

s cynical man s,ys that there are two oc-
casions when he would ike 10 be present.
One is when the gas coRpsay pays is water
bill; the ether is when tha waite. company
nsys is c2s l1il-Texss Siftin.s
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02

Sunday School Teacher-Now tel no
what is duty? Little West Ender Gust
back from Europe)-It's something YOU
don't pay unless you have to.-PhiladeI-
plna Eocord
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
. What IT Describes.

A new allegorical poem called "Alore in
the DESERT is often quoted at the summer
resorts this season. 1t describes tho adycu
lures Of n huckleborry in u hotel pie-Ney
York Star
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Tho Correct Thing.

Mother-Tommy, amt you ashamed Of
yourself to strike your little sisteri You
ought to know better.
Tomrny-Yes, ma, do; but we're playing
school, and Pm the teacher. It's all right
Lowell Citizen.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
An Excuse

NJ ssy, Clara, are you going to Mrs. Shun-
by's in that dressi' Certainly. Why pot.r
''Isn't it rather-er-loudF" "Oh, well.
that doesn't matter-Alrs- Saunby's as deaf
as post.n-JuGy.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
A Voice from the Heart.

Chloe las they stroll by the silvery sea-
How beautiful de moon am tonight, 'Custus
Augustus-Jus' lubly; looks like big slice
OBJ Observation-Disclosures.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Misfortune Rather Than Fanlt.

An indignant parent, in rebuking q re-
fractory son, exclaimed: Remember who
you are talking to, siri I'm your fatherl"
To which the youth rejoined: "Oh, come
now, hope you amt going to blame me for
that.n-Troy Times.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
low lie Can Learn.

Boucicault says it is of the highest i'm
portance, before trying to act, that an actor
should know how to walk. Let the actor go
out with a snap company: by the time he
gets home he will know how to walk.-New
Orleans Picayune.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02

Berry Wall used TO be the king OF the
dudes. Now it is said that there is s young
Chinan,an who oatdresses Mr.. Wall Won
Sing, the new dsndy. is known as the Chinese
WaI-De.zoit Free Press
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
An hpproor,sts Motto

Dude-Yeth, NTH Far-y, I've got family
cwest, but what would you srSgeth for a
Clottos
Miss Fanny-The bast Eo. fer you,
think. would be: There Is room at the top.
Teas Siftings
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02

Old Gentleman ito boy in book stand)-I
want a copy of Jack, the Giant Killer"
Boy-YeS, sir; / s'pose yer goin' up to the
game this afternoon.-New, York World.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02

The little son Of c. e. Huntsberger, of Ly-
ons, has q live frog in his stomach, and all
efforts to expel it have failed. The boy held
the frog in his hand and opened his mouth
The frog jumped at the invitation.
TIa,.a1f
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Variety l. the Spice Of Life.

Hiss Naazygoser O. Harlem tvissssasin tss
eoGn.ry3-Isc's tbs co.'s $ r1iik, Azatyl
ASzty-Yz, dear: doar sou Ike III
Mis- Gannygose. q EsrAG-Ah. yes. /
an6 !. very Ice fcE esa2ss-IeeE osea-
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02

Dentiss-Wen, how do the new teeth work,
Patient-Not very well They seem to cut
the others
Dentist-That Is perfectly natural They
belong TO an entirely different set, you know.
San Francisco Examiner.
An awkward Youth.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
In Pious Boston.

Old Mrs. Litany t1nxiously, stopping carr
DO you go to Trinity church, conductori
Conductor-Sorry; don't get no time for
church, lady.-Life.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
A smsrs Once Boz.

sTs u. - iaF asked . vik.or, Of tls
czloe boy.
Nav
do ycu Acw whs-e &c .sT
s...sore; his aunt's dead, an gnezs les
either ct the funerai or a. tbs ball gane--
Erctsrcz
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
WHY She Kent It.

Jobson-What kind of an animal is that
you've got there, Jepsons
Jepson-A hedgehog. 1t is ono Of my
wife's pets.
Job.-Strange kind Of a pet, l should say.
Why does she keep such thing as that about
her:
Jep.-Well, 1 suppose it is because he has
so many fine points about him.-Boston
Courier.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02

Stranger Gin Boston street car, to aged cit
izen)-Excuse me, my venerable friend, but
think you have dropped your spectacles.
Aged Citizen-That's something I never
wear, sir.
Young Lady-They belong to me, sir.
was about to ask the conductor to kindly
come to my assistance.-New York World
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Not Always Within Some ones Power

We must admit that there is such q thing
as being too fresh. But most of US draw the
Line at Observation-Disclosures Free Press
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Human Nature in q Nutshell.

That lucky man would be happy if he
wasn't always afraid lis luck would chance.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Lay in Your Stock Early.

Ostriches are down TO 81 600 each, ana
poor family shruld be without one.-Detroi;
Free Press
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Conveniently Could Not Give Assent.

Stryke-Will you do me favor, old manl
Smyke trapidly)-I have not got cent
Town Topics.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Poor Fellow.

SInith-What has becomo Of DR.. Cureall7
Jones-The man who advertised to cure
eve..y complaint under the sum-
S.-EeS
J.-Ohl he died the other day from 4 COM
piication of diseases. Boston Courier.
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02

promise me. John, that you win not get
into any terrible railroad accidents, or be
burned to death at hotel. Promise me
that, John, or my heart will break!"
[John promised faithfully that he would
not Life
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
THE YOUNG PEOPLE.
A Young Philosophers Tackles an Egg
Problem.

Master Bobb5.s papa is tie happy owner Of
Matching machine
The ether day, as the former was watching
chick energetically breaking its way
through its shell, he inquired:
81 see how he gets out, but however did be
60 to work to get inF-Judge
Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-09-02
Life ut JIt. Desert.

He twho has just been accepted)-Were
you ever engaged befores
She-Only once this summer.
He-Whats And here it is the last Of
August
She-But I only came last week.-Life.