The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-04-14
JUST WHAT SHE SAID.
Boston Herald.

She was well-known to the re- meetings over which she had presided. He had reported her speeches in all stages of unparliamentary incoherence and feminine perplexity, but he had always sifted the bushel of chaff and brought out the grain of wheat and set it in high place, because she was a very good woman, whose husband was worth something like S500,000. Therefore, when he saw her yesterday in the chair at a meeting of the So- ciety for the Prevention of Cruelty to Mosquitoes he was prepared to do his duty and condense her remarks into a felicitous little speech. It is not to be wondered at that he felt that it was somew hat cruel when she accosted him on sight with;
 'I don't see why you newspaper men cannot be relied upon to publish a name right, now and then. In the last report of our meeting somebody from your paper spelled our secretary's name wrong; put an e on the end of it, and she was furious. And my own remarks were not at all straight. l don't see why I can't be reported rer- bdtim."
 '1 will do so if you prefer" said the reporter.
 'I most certainly do prefer it." she replied. "l want every word that I speak"
 "Very we'll" said the reporter, won- dering if he could serape together money enough 10 get out of town if the "cerbatim" report went into print. He had commenced to fish down deep ill his pocket for possible dimes when a sharp rap of the mallet inter- rupted his search, and the reporter seized his pencil.
 Ladies" she began, "you will please to come to order-Why, how do you do, Mrs. Squeal? Pm glad to see you looking so well after our con- Walter, will you close the win dow! It blows right on Mrs. Brain- ley-Don't move, Mrs. Dryadust. He can get in back of your chair-Heav- ems t. how awkward he is! Now, don't you try to do it, Mrs. Poke-There 1! Why couldn't he have done it in the first place-We will now proceed to business-Ah, had not seen you be- fore, Mrs. Eighty. 1 hope you didn't forget to bring in your report this morning. If you did I shall scold- AS the president of this society I may scold all I please! Now the first busi- ness before the meeting is the discus sion of-Your husband, Mrs. Veneer, wanted me to ask you-I met him just Il moment before 1 came inf you would go into the drug store-I've really forgotten what drug store and ask if he left-well, have forgot ten that, too, but I shall think of it before the meeting is over. If shouldn't, remind me of it, please. Now, ladies, please come to order-Oh, before we proceed to business, l want to say few words about similar society that has recently been organ ized in Italy. You know something about it, Mrs. Gadabout, you have just come from Rome. l think it would be pleasant for Mrs. Gadabout to tell us something about it, but not to-day, perhaps, but at our next meet ing. Is it you pleasure, ladies, that Mrs. Gadabout give us her impressions on this subject2 All in favor please signify it in the usual manner. It is a vote. Mrs. Gadabout can tell you much better than 1 can, although I was in Rome at the time of its organ ization, and did what could to rescue several mosquitoes that wretches were pursuing with wet towels and other iniquitous instruments of torture. You were there, Mrs. Softly, when Miss Wiseacre read her poem, 'To & Winged Aerial Band,' for the benefit of the society-Boy, bring some chairs up here-Now, Mrs. Sobersides, won't you come forward where you will be out of that dreadful draught?-I won- der we don't all get our death. Now that you are here, can you tell me if Mrs. Golightly's baby is dead? wonder if it has the same doctor that Kate had for little Jessie !-Oh, very sad, indeed, if-Mrs. Veneer, I have just recollected that it was a laundry bill that your husband wanted you to look for, and l believe now that he wasn't just sure that he lost it. Now, ladies, will you please come to order? An, Dr. Bugbear, we are very, very glad to see you. We want to thank you for your.brilliant effort in our be- half before the legislature. We ex- tend a vote of thanks to you-do we not, ladies?-for your exceedingly brave defense of our bill, Shall Mos quitoes Be Taxed?' in the house. Oh, and mustn't forget to mention that since we met l have received very liberal donation from an unknown friend. Of course, know her name, but she doesn't want it known just now. You could easily guess, Miss E., bu:, there, I promised not to tell! I sunnose it yuiil raf ant. es.oh &As..u.