St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1888-05-31
BILL NYE AS A POLITICIAN.
His Rather Neat Way OF Calling Public
Attention to Himself.

-
Attention to Himself.
Blu Nye in Ne,c York World.
In an interview which l have just
had with myself have positively stat
ed, and now repeat, that at neither the
st. Louis nor Chicago convention will
my name be presented as a candidate.
But my health is bully.
We are upon the threshold of a most
bitter and acrimonious fight. Great
wisdom and foresight are needed at
this hour, and the true patriot will for
get himself and his own interests in
his great yearning for the good of his
common country and the success of his
party. What we need at this time is
a leader whose name will not be pre-
sented at the convention, but whose
health is good.
No one has fuller or better concep-
ton of the great duties of the hour
than 1. How clearly to my mind are
the duties of the American citizen out
lined today! have never seen with
clearer, keener vision the great needs
of my country, and my pores have new
er been more open. Four years ago |
was in some doubt relative to certain
important questions which now are
clearly and satisfactorily settled in my
mind. l hesitated then where now l
am fully established, and my tongue
was coated in the morning when
arose, whereas now 1 bound lightly
from bed, kick out window, climb to
the roof by means of the fire escape and
there rehearse speeches which will
make this fall in case it should be dis
covered at either of the conventions
that my name alone can heal the rup-
ture in the party and prevent its works
from falling out.
L think my voice is better, also, than
it was either four, eight, twelve or six
teen years ago, and it does not tire me
so much to think of things to say from
the tail-gate of a train as it did when l
first began to refrain from presenting
my name to conventions.
According to my notion, our candi-
date should be plain man, a magnet
ic but hairless patriot, who should be
suddenly thought of by a majority of
the convention and nominated by &C
clamatiOn.
My object in writing this letter is
largely to tone down and keep in check
any popular movement in my behalf
until the weather is more settled. A
season cracked boom is n thing I de-
spise.
| inclose my picture, however, which
shows that I am so healthy that it
keeps me awake nights. l go about
the house singing all the time and
playing pranks on my grandparents.
My eye dances with ill concealed mer-
riment, and my conversation is just as
sparkling Us it can be.
[ believe that during this campaign
we should lay aside politics so far as
possible and unite on an unknown,
homely but sparkling man. Let us
lay aside all race prejudices and old
party feeling and elect a magnetic
chump who does not look so very well,
but who feels first rate.
Towards the middle of June | shall
go away to an obscure place where l
cannot be reached. My mail will be
forwarded to me by a gentleman who
knows how | feel in relation to the
wants and needs of the country.
To those who have prOspered during
the past twenty years let me say they
owe it to the perpetuatiOn of the prin
ciples and situations towards the es
tablishment and maintenance of which
[ have given the best energies of my
life. To those who have been unfor-
tunate let me say frankly that they
owe it to themselves.
L have never had less malaria or de-
spOndency in my system than [ have
this spring. My cheeks have deli
cate bloom on them like a russell ap-
pie, and my step is light and elastic.
In the morning [ arise from my couch,
and, touching q concealed spring, it
becomes an upright piano. [ then
battle in low divan which curtains Il
jointed tank. l then sing until inter
fered with by property owners and tax
payers who reside near by. After
light breakfast of Calls liver and Gus
tard pie | go into the receptiOn-rOom
my pulse. In the afternoon lie down
on lounge for two or three hours,
wondering in what way can endear
myself to the laboring man. [ then
dine heartily at my club. In the even
ing [ go to see the amateur play "Pyg-
malion and Galatea." AS [ remain I'M
til the play is over, anyone can see
that am very robust man. After [
get home, write two or three thousand
words in my diary. [ then insert my
self into the bosom of my piano and
sleep, having first removed my clothes
and ironed my trousers for future ref
erence.
In closing, let me urge one and all
to renewed effort. The prospects for
a speedy and unqualified victory at the
polls were never more rOseate. Let us
select a man upon whom we can all
unite, man who has no venom in him,
a man who has successfully defied and
trampled on the infamous Interstate
commerce act, man who, though in
the full flush and pride and bloom and
fluff of life's meridian, still disdains to
present his name to the convention.