The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-10-13
Before and After. Waatarn PloWman

difficulty in detecting the young mar ried couple of few months from the manner in which they conduct them- selves. In almost every case it is the man whose manner shows, so clearly that he who runs may read, whether he has been married month or year. l once rode half day on 8 steamboat with a young couple on their wedding trip, and during the whole time I do not think they exchanged half dozen sentences, but simply sat and halt shyly held each others hand. The beauty of the scenery, although we were on the magnificent Hudson, made no impression upon them, and l could not help speculating on the future of this couple when once they became tired of holding each others hand, and wondering what resource would be left to two young people who had no community of thought or feeling.
 If you see man carefully adjusting sunshade for & lady at his side, or stepping to pick up her handkerchief, or pay her any of the little attentions so dear to the feminine heart, you are pretty safe to say that it is before marriage, and he is trying to win the affection which six months after mar riage he will by no means try SO anxiously to keep.
 That couple before you who are strolling so leisurely along, the lady leaning affectionately on the arm of her companion, while he stoops with fondness and gallantry of courtship to catch her lightest word, depend upon it, are only engaged, or at best recently married. A year after marriage, if they stroll out together at all, the chances are that he will be two feet ahead of his wife, and she will certainly not be on sufficiently familiar terms with him to take his arm.
 This is quite as often the fault of the wife as it is that of her husband. From the very first let your husband see that you expect and demand respect, and the chances are you will get it. Be as good wife as you please, and study the comfort of your lord with tender care and thought, but do not wait on him hand and foot, or he will soon take your loving service as a right, and you will not get even ser vant's thanks for it. We do not say this of all men, but almost any man may be made such one by a slavish course of treatment.
 It is tiresome fact to reflect upon that one is obliged to train and disci- pline one's husband, but 1t is neverthe- less fact that must be looked squarely in the face. You have not even the advantage that you have with children of beginning young. Self-rt straint IS something that both sides must prac- tice ifthey would have pleasant home life. It is great mistake to surfeit & man with domesticity in his early married life. A young wife should not insist on her husband giving up all his male friends and all the pleas ures of his bachelor life. Keep your place as the companion of your hus- band, but do not forbid him all other companions. One's dinner if composed of all sweets would be hardly satis- factory.
 If you find by experience that your husband is apt to be little cross on returning home from business do noth- ing to ruffie or annoy him, and do not attach too much importance to any little sharp speeches to which he may give utterance. At the same time do not tremble at his lightest word, and claim all the privileges for yourselfa and your moods which you accord to his. Of course, patient reader, you have set me down for an old maid; but, alas 1 I speak from sad experience, for nearly wrecked my own life and al- most spoiled one of the best possible husbands by over-indulgence of his whims and over attention to his wish es. Fortunately for both of us friend who was not blinded as was by love, opened my eyes to the evil of my ways. l think, too, that mothers owe it to the future wives of their sons to teach those sons the respect and courtesy due to lady, demand them from him as your right. Make him feel that you expect them just as much as he expects his dinner, or that his socks should be mended and his buttons sewed on. He will value you more highly than if you hold yourself in less esteem.