The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1888-07-21
OUR FIRST FAMILIES.
The Ideas OF "a Common, Red-Blooded,
Everyday American citizen.


II there is any thing we pride our
solves upon in this country, il is our
first families.
Every town has It's first families, but
their Importance depends ON their loca-
tion.
The first families in Boston. for in
stance, are very bluc-blooded indeed.
for some of them know who their
grandfather was and boast OF him.
They acknowledge that Springfield has
first families, but allude 10 them as
highly-rcspectable people. and tho
Springfield aristocrats In turn mention
the first families OF Sapville as decent
sort OF country folks.
You will see that first families have
their degrees, but what constitutes u
first family is rather hard 10 deter
mine
First families usually have n nigger
and coat OF arms; but they often OBJ
ject 10 "A too diligcnt examination OF the
family tree, rs sometimes. ancestors
found hanging TO it and the coat OF
arms turns out To be coat without
arms, or what the vulgar second and
third families call vest.
The same standard OF first familyism
is not applicable to all places. Mr..
Beans, Of Boston, dates his family
from 1920, when his ancestor came
over in the Maynower, the ancestor
having been the ships cook. Mr..
Lardlcy, of Chicago, goes back TO the
medieval ages before the fire, and is
not familiar with the name OF his
grandfather Mr.. Hustler, OF Denver.
is an aristocrat from way back, and his
father carried his fortune and family
portraits into Denver in whcelbarrow
in the misty days Of 1874.
A knowledge of ones grandsirc can
hardly be the standard, for old man
Slopcr in the poor-house remembers
distinctly that his grandfather died in
the same hotel.
The fact that man had ancestors
can hardly be the measure Of a family's
greatness, for IL is hard 10 imagine.
how "A fellow could get along without
ancestors, even If historians forgot TO
mention them.
We have vainly cndcavorcd 10 figure
out what constitutes first family, and
have almost given itup. The best way
is TO say you are one and go around
blowing about it. Your ncighbors will
probably call you fool for eight or
ten years, and then end by believing
you, when you are first family in
good standing.
There's McGiggles, now. He's n
first family. McGigglcs went 20 school
with me, and wore pants with LIS and
bay windows on them, for his father
carried the hod and drank tod.
| was sort Of stuck up in those days,
and became book-kecpcr in "A hardware
store, while McGiggles drove gro-
Gerry wagon. He went into the bust
ness later for himself and made slath-
crs OF money in the barrel business.
He gave up his barrels, joined tho
church, married n dcacon's daughter.
and struck out 10 bc first family, and
he got there with both feet. McGig-
giles Is high-toncd now, but still no
notices me sometimes and says | am "A
respectable Woodworking man.
| don't know that | will ever go in
for being first family man, but per-
haps ! will.
However, we've got 10 have some
body for first families, and McGigglcs
might as well be one as any fellow,
especially rs his boy, r. Jefferson
McGigglcs, il now at Harvard, and
Edith McGigglcs is going 10 Europe 70
study art
The Bilkmans used 90 be blue bloods
until the old mans bustup in telephone
stocks. Then the old woman fired her
niger and started "a hash factory, and
that broke up the first family business
for them.
Old Mandrake Is rushing 20 the front
as first familyist since his Indian
elixir began 10 catch on, and Jimmy,
his son, who used 90 wash the bottles,
was getting measured for dress suit
tho other day when / passed Shears
tailor shop.
Some really great man, like Mr..
Ward McAllistcr, should devote his
time and energies 20 writing a book on
this subject, and fix, once and for all,
some standard by which man away
down in the tenth and eleventh fam
lilies can recognize and do homage 20
the FIRST family the minute he secs one.
BY doing this he will earn the graft
tude Of common, everyday, rcd-blood.
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