The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1888-08-18
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.


Eternal vigilance enables a man to
carry the same umbrella for years.
Boston Courier,
"A woman can't keep a secret, OF
course; yet when there is a secret his
tory Of any important transaction a
woman is usually in it.-NetO Havem
NetCS.
Popping the question is like pop
ping corn. The popped article wants
to be taken away from the fire imme-
diately and sailed while it is warm
NJ O. Picoyu1ae.
-Youngster-"Papa, what is rev.
enue cutter?" Fond parent Ca hard
working clerk)-"The individual who
employs me, my child. He has just re-
duced my salary. "-Judy.
If there is any thing that will make
a gang of street-corner bummers blush
it is to be told by good-natured po-
Hceman to ''move on there, gentle
men. "-FaU RjUer AdUance.
"A new song is called MY Mothers
Hand" We suspect it is a sequel to
Mammals Slipper and when intro
duced among the children there's
music in the heir. "-NorrjStoCn Herald.
"A judge threatened to fine a law
yer for contempt of court. Il have ex-
pressed no contempt for the court"
said the lawyer; ION the contrary, L
have carefully concealed my feelings"
The man who makes an Investment
for the purpose OF getting something
for nothing generally succeeds in get
ting something. In addition to getting
left he usually gets little experience.
oil city Blizzard.
A young lady who has been taking
whistling lessons from gentleman
friend for the past four months can't
whistle note yet, but she has been
seen in the stationer's pricing wedding
invitations. - 0nkerS Statesman.
Customer (to restaurant proprie-
tor)-''That coffee just had wasn't as
good as my mother used to make, by a
long shot" "Proprietor-It the best
we can do, sir, at five cents a cup. l
suppose your mother got ten for hers.''
Epoch. !,
-Smokeless gunpowderis the latest
addition to the science of war. Now,
let somebody invent a smokeless cigar
cite, and peace will have her victories
no less renowned than war.-BoStOn
transcript.
When a lawyer asks a witness if he
is sure he is telling the truth he conf
IDENTIFY expects the man to promptly re-
ply: mo, Sir; / am committing per-
jury" If he did not expect it he would
not ask such a silly question .-DetroH
Free Press.
People are wrong who think that
women generally object to telling their
age Most women are always willing
to tell their age whenever they are
asked. The trouble is that they do
not tell the truth about it. -SonserrilLe
Journal
Sir" said the Judge, Il commit
you to Jail for ten days for contempt
OF court Better make it ten years.
judge was the response. 81 couldn't
begin to get over my contempt in less
than that. IN y Sun. I
Young Mrs, Snapley Ito Snapley,
who is walking the floor with the baby
at one p. m. )-"W all1ing is healthy ex-
ercise, my dear" Snapley-'I know
it; but there is such a thing as being
too confoundedly healthy to appreciate
the other blessings of life."-Bnrling-
ton Free Press.
What if were one of those hus-
bands, my dear, who get up cross in
the morning and bang things around
and kick like everything just because
the coffee is cold?' John" responded
his wife, Il would make it hot for
you" AS her words admitted of more
than one Interpretation John said moth
ing more about the coffee. Time. d.