Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1888-02-29
scRlPs AND SCRAPS

Mr. Rowe and Miss Mann were recently
married in Western town. 1t was said to
have been quite romantic affair.
THE hay-press was the invention of a
woman. 1t is insinuated that the inspira-
ton accompanied desire to be squeezed on
all sides at once.
MISrsTER's DArGHrER-"Say, papa, does
God tell you what to writel" Minister
"Yes, dear, why do you askl" sob, cause
l want TO know why you scratch so much
out
THE days of Christmas past were light and
gay,
And Christmas future viii be quite as pleas
But each and every pretty Miss VIII say:
"rll try and be content with Christmas pres
emit"
THE force of habit is always strong. A
Baltimore young man who was calling on
q street-car conductors daughter SAYS that
the father wandered in at rather late
hour, and, opening the parlor door, me-
chemically exclaimed: ''Sit close, please! I"
In giving primary language lessons
teacher wrote upon the blackboard the
words Ingram" brussels" wilton"
and requested her pupils TO write each
sentence containing one of these words.
One boy displayed his ingenuity as follows:
"a hedgehog has brussels on his back"
FmsT DocToR-"Busyl" Second Doc
tor-"Yes, almost worked to death" $50
am l. 1t will be two months before the
people returning from their health getting
trips will quit sending for the doctors"
''That's fact. If it wasn't for these health
resorts we would have to go out of bust
ness.n
"JoHN," said farmers wife, 'safore we
start for home / think I'd ought to have
! that tooth pulled out. It's ached the hull
day" 81 know, Mariar," replied John,
obviously, ''but by the time we get that jug
filed, and the plug terbacker, we hain't
goin' to have much left to spend on luxu-
ries."
On, tits Jolly in the winter, time OF frolic and
of fun,
or its round of glad enjoyments few the
hearts that never tire;
But I've noticed that all praisipg of the sea-
son soon is done,
When fellow in the morning has to monkey
with the fire.
AN old-fashioned Massachusetts doctor is
said to be the possessor of board, upon
which he has laid out for burial four de-
ceased wives. Wife number FIVE thought
to convert the board into an ironing-table,
when she was deferred by daughter of
the doctor, who exclaimed: "Oh, don't
take that; father lays his wives out on
thatl"
MRS. LoNGBnL-" What is your opinion of
this Shakespeare-Bacon affair, Mr.. Saw
tufff" Mr.. s." Wa-al really, Mrs. Long
bill, pay very little attention to the mat
ter, but 1 should say that, while Shakes
peare might have been "a rash man, if he
wrote all that is attributed to him, Bacon,
in the same place, would have been a
rasher."
HER tresses were of an unmistakable
white hOrsey'' tint, and she was hastily
giving them parting pat, preparatory to
| gong forth to the theater, when her escort
appeared at the door, and exclaimed /:
"Come on, ready9" With indignation an
inch deep all over her fair features, she re-
torted: Sir, am not Reddy, nor am l
Reddy's sister, and you will please favor
US with your absence" Alas, that on a
hair, as 'twere, hang the destinies of fond
young lives.
AN infallible remedy for love-siclness:
Take one pound of understanding, half a
pound of resolution, a quarter of pound
of dislike, and two ounces of malice; mix
them well together, and set them over a
slow fire of hatred. Strain them clear
from the dregs of melancholy; put them in
the bottle of your heart; cork them down
with cork of sound judgment. Then let
them remain fourteen days in the water of
cold affection.