Custer chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, Black Hills, D.T. [S.D.]) 1880-1890, 1888-03-24
NO FUN 70 Be A CAR.
Bill Nyc's Dissertation on Some Obvious
Discomfort of Royalty.


II anything could reconcile the average.
American boy TO the fact that he is not Il
car, it would be the late story of Mr..
Strakosch 10 the effect that his imperial
majesty once, when the %czarowitch PLAYED
n French obligato to the song give! by
Nine. Nilsson, and that years after, when
he had become 4 full blown car, the or
chestra affected him TO tears. for il
brought back the memory of that blessed
tim when he did not have to put on q
sheet iron overcoat TO go out and get the
morning paper.
Happier indeed was this great man,
with his French horn and his portfolio rs
czarowitch, living from hand to mouth,
than in after years us a thirty-second de-
gree ear with a mighty empire under his
thumb and u fractions bomb under his
throne.
Greatness brings with IL newspaper
criticism, loss Of appetite, lanCuor, cold
feet and death. And even in death a great
man does not stand much OF a chance.
Relic hunters come and try to break into
his grave and carry fragments Of his sys-
tenn away TO remember him by, and the
historian criticises him To his hearts con-
tent.
For this reason we ought TO appreciate
a country where we need not be great if
| we would rather not. A ear really has
no alternative. He can avoid being q
czarina 10y beginning in time, but when
he discovers that he is u cZarowitch he
knows that it is good-by, John, as the
Russians have it. Here the rules are less
severe. \. man may escape greatness for
| years and years. lie may be president of
the United States today and promoting
pullets tomorrow.
The utmost latitude Is given TO an
American. He cannot only abstain from
beingsgreat, but after he has been great
our people will excuse a man and allow
him to insert himself into obscurity again
in case he feels more comfortable that
way. But a car has no chance. He
really has no fun at all. AS soon as he
discovers that his lineage is big he Is open
to criticism, and cannot do anything m
dignifed.
A car who would play shorstop In a
picked nine or 20 about the country deliv
ering n humorous lecture, would be ostra-
cized. Many II long, hot summer day he
has TO stay on q big red throne and reign
while mediocre men go fishing. Just a,
lie thinks he is alone and takes off his hat,
crmine trimmed robes, thinking that he
will sit IN his shirt sleeves and play q few
strains on his French horn, a courtier
comes in and, making n low obeisance,
states that he has n ukase which ought to
be issued in time to catch the 2 O'Clock
mail.
Then IT is disacreeable for n man to be
n car and suddenly find himself the
parent of a grand duke whom he don't
exactly feel at liberty TO spank No man
really wants TO spank a grand duke, no
matter how little he is. AS Americans,
we do not fully appreciate the blessings Of
freedom which are denied TO a car.
CZarinas also have a pretty hard row TO
hoe, TO use III Americanism. They have
to meet all the social demands hat are
made upon them and entertain neighbor-
ing p~otentates, see that they have hot
water and clean towels in their rooms
while visiting at their houses, and show
them the best places TO trade while in the
city. They also have to have general
oversight Of the children, so that their
distracted country will not run short Of Il
monarch.
1t is NJ uncommon thing for n czarina
to say TO "A visiting dynasty: Excuse me
n moment, your royal altitOodleum; his
nibs, the grand duke, has just informed
me that her eminence, the grand duch-
ess, his sister, has got II Lima bear up
her nose,-Bll Nye in New York World.