davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
SOLID UNDERSTANDINGS.

A certain violet is called the ''bird's
foot" 1t is not popular in Chicago
Puck.
Seamless stockings are all right, but
what the Chicago girl wants is seem
less shoe.-Pittsburg Chronicle-Tele-
graph.
The fellow who first discovered that a
Chicago girls foot is abnormally devel-
oped was the chap who was born with
out legs.-Hotel Mail.
Word reaches us that the bellies of
Chicago are cultivating an inaudible
laugh. They must laugh in their feet.
Columbus Dispatch.
The big feet of. the Chicago girl are
for a purpose, after all. She is enabled
to stand her ground when a blizzard
brushes past her.-Y onkers Statesman.
When Chicago girl goes to bed she
never looks under the bed for man
she just pokeS one of her feet under it
and feels about for him.-Kentuc ky
State Journal
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
STRAY SHOTS.

Walt Whitman declares that "nothing
is ever lost" Walt must have had the
uncommon luck never to have sent
poem to a newspaper office, and then
called upon the editor months after
ward to IL quire why it had not appeared
in print.-Lowell Citizen.
Il know you are a reporter" SAID MI.
Fourthly, button-hOling the sad-looklng
young man, "but even so, you have a
soul to be saved. If you will only at
tend"
Don't worry about me. I'm o. K.
I've been gathered into the Shepard S
fold"
.sAh, indeed. and, may l ask
''I'm one of the flock OH the Mail and
Express Call.
sit is only my winning weighs" said
the grocer who was detected using
twelve ounces for pound ayoirdnpols;;
but he had to acknowledge that he had
been weighed in the balance and found
wanting.-Graphic.
DAM said a gentleman to his Irish
servant, with whom he occasionally eX-
changed jokes, ''are you the same
Daniel that went into the lions den?,'
Faith. and did yeZ never know be-
fore that Dim the very same wan?"
''Then," said the gentleman, mo
doubt you can explain why the lions
didn't devour you"
sMhim lions? All, don't say worrud ;
thin lions was stuffed. Merchant
Traveller.
Wife (anxiously)-I would like to
know, Robert, what pleasure you lind
in smoking cigars.
Robert won't tell you, deary, for
you would want to learn to smoke your
self. See?-TeXas Siftings.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
German Jokes.
oPERATIC NOTE.


"How do you like the opera?"
81 don't like it all. The libretto is
miserable"
THAT'S what | say"
"Can you explain why the heroine,
after singing that aria, is led off to
prisOn?'
"Perhaps it's because she stole the
aria"
PAPA'S DILEMMA.
MOllie (whO has poured glass of milk
over her new dresS)-YOu will catch it,
papa, just as soon as mamma comes
home.
''But, Mollie, you spilled the milk
over yourself"
Eyes, but you will catch it for not
taking better care of me-"
ROUGH ON ROYALTY.
King Ludwig, of Bavaria, while bum
ming around Munich one day, came
across a sentry on post, who failed tC
present arms, he being a raw recruit
and not knowing his majesty by sight
"Why don't you present arms? Dom
you eat my bread?''
$50 you are the blankeTy blank, etc.
of a contractor who supplies our regi
ment with stale bread, are you? If
had you down III some secluded dell II
pommel your ugly mug out of shape
You ought to be tied up by the thumbs
That what YOU need.f
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
Some Pretty Sayings.

Chicago Herald.
Among the very pretty things said
of women Whittier has given us this:
Elf woman lost us Eden, such as she
alone restores it, Voltaire said: sit
is woman who teaches us repose, civil
ity, and dignity" Ruskin says a great
many fine things OF women. ''ShakeS-
peare has no heroes: he has only hero
ines" This is always true in a ruder,
earlier stage of society. Woman al
ways begins civilization. The honor of
women has always been the corner
stone in building socially. A race lack
ing respect for women has never adj
vanced politically and socially, or has
speedily decayed. LEASING said: ma
turc meant to make woman its master
piece" ConfuciuS, 1900 years ago,
said: woman is the worlds master
piece But Malherbe spoke the mind
of all Frenehman when he said: There
are only two beautiful things i'll the
worid-WOmen and roses: and only two
sweet thingS-women and melons"
This was gallant but natural, and it
gave woman her true place as bios
som and fruit of nature.
Concerning women and men as equals,
Ruskin says: I'VE are foolish and
without excuse in claiming the superb
ority of our sex to the other; in truth,
each has what the other has not. One
completes the other, and they are in
nothing alike. The happiness of both
depends OH each asking and receiving
from the other what the other only can
give" Thackeray drew this contrast:
"Amost all women will give a Sympa-
thiZing hearing to men who are in love.
Be they ever so old, they grow young
again III that conversation and renew
their OWE early time. Men are not quite
so generous" Voltaire said: "All the
reaSoningS of men are not worth one
sentiment OF women" Gladstone
says: woman is the most
! perfect when the most womanly."
DR.. Clarke says: ''Man is not
| superior To woman, nor woman to man.
| The relation of the sexes is one of
! equality, not of better and worse, or of
| higher and lower. The Hottest ideal of
humanity demands that each shall be
| perfect in its kind, and not be hindered
i in its best work. The lily is not inferior
i to the rose, nor the oak superior to the
! clover, yet the glory of the lily is one
and the glory of The oak is another. and
! the use of the oak is not the use of the
| clover -'Woman,: says an
! other writer, must be regarded as
| woman, not as RUndeScript animal,
| with greater or less capacity for assim-
| ilation 10 nian." DIR. Clark says again ::
/ Educate u maD for manhood, a woman
! for woinanlood; both for hu-
manity.'' Roger Williams said:
| woman is rrcdestined, is called. is
! justified, is gloTied, and wears that
i golden Chain is well as the wiSeSt and
| strongest of mankind"
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
Values IN Ireland.

The ruinous price of land in Ireland
was illustrated last week at the auction
mart in a mos striking manner. The es-
tate in the island of Achill, owned by
the late Lord Cavan, which was referred
to the other day, was sold by or
der of his trustees, consisting of
2,06S acres of freehold land
in fact, the whole island--with house
and entrance lodges. both furnished.
The auctioneer described the property
as one of the finest sporting estates III
Ireland, though he admitted that the
tenants were three years i'll arrear with
their rent. The property was soi,i
practically without reserve, and after
very slight competition was purchased
by d lady at the modest figure of $500,
or about 6 shillings an acre.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
ANGELS WITHOUT WINGS.

A woman is never prettier than she
wants to Washington Critic.
1t is said that woman has more honor
than a man. More clothes On'er, it
means, misunderstanding Breeze.
Who says the women never accom-
plish anything? Their work is nearly
always telling.-Y6nker Statesman.
There seems to be nothing that a
woman enjoys better than to stir up the
dust in room and let it settle again.
Detroit Free Press.
In some respects women far excel
the man. No man, for instance, can
successfully deliver lecture with his
mouth full of pinS.-American Artisan.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20

ored flowers on their white grounds. A
rosebud pattern on white is prettily
made up over rose pink taffeta silk.
Similar dresses will be made without
the silk foundation, and will be among
the simplest and most stylish of the
summer toilets. White muslin with fine
dots, or else with very large spots, will
be made with round waist and full
skirt, and worn with pink OF with lem
on-colored ribbons. There are very
tiDely-wOven torchon laces that are used
by French mOdiSteS on these dresses,
but the preference here is given to edg-
ings of Valencienues, or the pretty
flower and leaf patterns of Oriental
laceS.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
Got There Too Late.

Detroit Free Press.
A citizen yesterday stood on the steps
Of Griswold street bank gazing at
something across the street. While
thus occupied pedestrian halted, as
eeuded a step or two and, after taking
off his hat, said:
being, YOU know, as | haven't had
ANYTHING to eat for two days, L didn' {
know but you could spare me a dime"
The citizen did not lower his eyes by
all inch.
''Presume the cashier gave you all
bills, you know" continued the man,
''but if you'd be pleased to hunt around
in your pockets Eve no doubt you'd
find dime"
Not a sign that lie was heard or seen.
Il would take it as a great favor, L
assure you. Purity tough, you know, to
tackle job on an empty stomach. Eve
got $50 worth of work waiting for me as
soon as | can get meal"
And yet no sign.
''It'S only Il loan, you know. A loan
to be returned tomorrow. | hate to ask
it. colonel, but there's no other way for
me. If you should happen to have a
quarter 1t would be all the samoa
loan.'
The colonel seemed hewn out of mar
BILE.
Hope you'll excuse me-" continued
the man, ."but happened to see you as
1 passed. There's no particular hurry,
you know. but the sooner L get the
money the sooner can fill up and go to
work.
The colonel now made a move to raise
his umbrella.
''The cashier would doubtless change
a bill for you if you are broke for silver.
This is a fine rain, colonel! Things
must be looking nice in the country
Make it half, colonel, and FL be
around Saturday."
The colonel descended the steps as
rigid as poker.
''I'll take your address," said the man
as he followed behind, because I'm
very particular about repaying borrowed
money. | might telegraph to my
brother in Buffalo, but he might not be
home, you know. Now. colonel, if you
would be SO kind as to hand me
OUT
The colonel joined the procession and
disappeared, and. after looking up anC
down the street for few minutes, the
tramp said:
81 might as we'll quit right here
Some one has worked this town before
OH my patent racket and he didn't ever
leave q good name behind.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
THE POMPADOUR'S FAN.

Chicken-skin, delicate white,
Painted by Comic Nanloo,
Loves IN riot of light
Roses and yaporous blue:
Hank to the dainty frou-frou!
Picture above if you can,
Eyes that could melt as the dew
This was the PompadoUrs fan:
See how they rise at the sigh.
Thrarging the Oe;l DE- BCeuf through,
CourtierS as butterflies bright
Beauties that FragOuard drew,
ITALIAN rouge, falbal;t, queue,
Cardinals dukes-to man.
Eager 20 sigh or to sue
This was the i'ompadour's fan.
All. bat things mole than polite
Hung on this toy. yoyez vousl
Matters of state and OF alicht,
Things that great min Stars do:
Thugs that, maybe. oveiIh.ew
These III hose brains The; Legan:
Herc was the Syn and ti.e cue
This Was tie Pom padcur's fani
ENVOY.
Where are the secrets II knew?
Weavinys Of pot AID CT plan?
BIZ, There 1, !!Ie eoRpGGaur too?
This vas lie Pomp.Cours fan.
-Ausila Deb son.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20

bonnets of English and French erepes.
Shirred tulle bOnnetS continue in high
favor, and appear frequently in the
more careful theater toilets now af-
fected, while the plain tulle bonnets are
rivaled by dainty little creations
of draped and shirried point
d'esprit net, and bonnets and hats of
anticipated black French laces are eX-
ceedingly popular. In the ordinary
stores you see hats and bOnnets loaded
with bright flowers, but they are not
considered good form, though, perhaps
later on little more color may 3e
tolerated than at present. Blac;, lace
and fancy STRAW hlts VIII Cur, ol. {.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
CuDid's Gamers.

The marriageItie is often aslip-knot.-
Philadelphia Call.
Cupid is great sportsman, and al
ways turns Miss to account Youkers
Statesman.
There is nothing strange ir the fact
that q lee trothal should lead to
honey moor..-Eingl,:.it.ton Eepuhii-
can.
Mothers with marriageat'e da1gl.t.ls
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
THE LOVERS ROLE.

AT twenty-one thought it fine
To flirt with women of twenty-nine;
At thirty three,
A girl twas fated / should love
Whose age my years were ten above,
And fancy free.
l now am rather old and gray,
But still the lovers role play,
In spite of jeers.
love maid just turned sixteen;
Alack, between us intervene
Some forty years.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
In Great Luck

Friend-Was your uncle's will salts
factory to you, Brown?
Brown-Perfectly so; Pm Il lucky
dog! He left his entire fortune to all
insane asylum.
Friend-You mean that you are an
unlucky dog.
Brown-No, don't; the other rela-
tons are going to contest the will, and
I'm to be the attorney.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
THERE Is NOT.

Is there anything so fair,
On the land or in the air,
As sweet and pretty maid
In cool white dress arrayed?
Eyes of color Just to suit;
Trim and tidy little boot;
Cheeks as pink as SIN kissed sky,
When the evening swallows fly;
Golden curls, pinned with star:
skin as white as lilies are.
Is there ANYTHING SO fair.
On the land or III the air.
Yes there is. and It is this:
Such another charming Miss.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
A PORTRAIT.

Madame, at sound OF Gapriel's trump,
Would give no vulgar start nor jump,
But slowly rise with tranquil grace,
Lay all her pinior plumes in place,
Make them secure with safety-pins,
Account 10 h:ayea for ner sins,
Aid take ,ae farafiisic road.
A c,,e. lEios aIi,,e. Il J.; I,ofie.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
/ Io.a You So.

Br0wn-10u don't look very happy,
Robinson.
RObinson--NJ, left off my flannels
this morning AMI caught cold.
Brown--That'S bad.
RObinson-Oh, ion't care anything
about the cold; but my wife told me I
was leaving them off too soon.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20

ing one by an accident, determined to
continue at his trade, and his success
shows what can be accomplished by
perseverance under difficulties which
by most men would be deemed inSur-
mOuntable.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20

are rarely seen in cigar stores, and yet
thousands of matches are given away
in them daily.-New Haven News.
1t is a somewhat curious fact that the
man who grumbles the most about mat
rimony is the man who is not married
and never expects to be.--Detroit Free
Press.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
522 BOSTON BLOCK.
DR.. BRINLEY.
Hale Block, RsMapla Ill.,, Gsf. Fifth ST,
Opposi.s Wcst iIo:e;. Alauearniis.

EppC>:tS " COL IiceSI, -uiI..iS'l E'pt(s.
Regularly graduated and legally qualified,
long engaged Ill Chronic, Nervous and skin
Diseases. A friendi. talk cos.s nothing. IL
lnconyenient 10 visit the city for treatment,
medicine sent by mail or express, free from
observation. Cuiabie cases guaranteed. IL
doubt Exists we say SO. Hours 10 to II d. m,
to and TO 9 2. II Sundays, . to 3 p. n.
Ii you cannot come stale case by mail.
Diseases from 1nd!sereticr, Excess Or Ez-
posure. Nervousness, Debility, Diuness Of
Sight, Perverted Vision. Defective Memory,
Face Pimples. Melancholy, Restlessness, Loss
of Spirits, Pains in tho Back, etc, are treated
with success. Safely, privately, speedily.
No change of business.
Catarrh, Throat, Nose, Lung Diseases
Liver Complaints. II is seif-evident that
physician paying particular attention TO a
class of diseases attains great skill. Every
known application is resorted to, aud the
proved good remedies of all ages and coun-
tries are used. All are treated with skill in q
respectful manner. No experiments are
made. Medicines prepared in my own lab.
oratory. On account of the great number
Of cases applying the charges are kept low;
often lower than others. Skill aud perfect
cures are important Cal! Or write. Symptom
lists and pamphlet free by nail. The doctor
has successfully treated hundreds OF eassx In
this city and vicinity.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
From London Punch.

1.-THE Sermon Question: Citrate
CMusical)-But why do you object to
having hymn during the collection?
Rector PracticaD We'll, you see, l
preach a good sermon, which | calculate
should move the people to an average OF
half crown each; but l find, during a
it barely brings shilling headl
What Our Artist Has to Put Up With.
Our Impressionist - Very sloppy,
isn't it?
Our Lady Critic-Well, should never
have dared to say so-but, since you
mention it yourself, honestly confess
that it's very sloppy indeed!
Our Impressionist-fm speaking OF
the weather!
Our lady critic-The weather! Oh,
the weather isn't sloppy.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
Brains. But Not the Right Quality.

First Boy-Does your grandpa smoke
a pipe?
Second Boy-Not now. Last week he
went to sleep with short pipe in his
mouth and the fire reached his celluloid
teeth. and they exploded. bursting his
head open.
First Boy-What a fool. Didn't he
have any brains?
Second Boy-Oh, lots OF brains
they've ruined the frescoed ceiling.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
pa.cpuaI Interest.

Skillful Mamma do hope the cere-
mony will go Off without hitch to-
morrow.
Pater-Egad, don't. It's Eleanor's
last chance.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
An Ant PuniI.

Ambitious Mamma-Edith, noticed
last night that Mr.. De Rich paid you
considerable attention; l hope you
showed him proper amount of civility.
Ingenious Debutante - Oh, yes,
Mama, | did! I'm sure he knows he
can have me for the asking.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
A BOOK Thai HeIped Him.

By falling asleep over Rider Hag-
CARDS she" sheriff's deputy allowed
a prisoner to escape.
If he had only read the book aloud
there would have been nc trouble-both
would have Slumbercd.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
From Tid-BitS.

Elsie-Why do you love Gus?
Ada-He hates all my Intimate
friends-Lulu, Ella and Clara.
Visiting Quaker Gn New York book
store)-The Bible: Has thee it in parts?
| am looking for the Epistle of James.
Clerk-Bible, Bible? Has it any other
name?
Quaker-By no means! Thee has
surely read or heard of the Epistle OF
James?
Clerk-To be sure. Everybody has.
Do you think Blaine really means it,
though?
Twenty suicides have taken place
from Clifton suspension bridge, and not
one of the operators had feeling enough
for the unities to hang himself.
Visiting Chum Ito Gould, who writes
verses)-That poem of yours, old boy,
Il Saw Myself in Dreary Waste IS
splendid. Just needs one word to COM
plete it.
GouId-What is it? I'll be glad of any
suggestion.
Visiting Chum-Basket.
Customer Ito Harlem barber)-See
here, my friend, you are shaving slices
off my face.
Harlem Barber-Yes, sir; but the
slices are very thin.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
An Offer.

Boy-Want boy, sir?
Hobson-What for?
Boy-Why, ter pay IS week to Sat-
urday night.
Hobson-For doing what?
BOy-Why, fur waiting all the week
for it.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
The way He Likes His Steak.

Customertin restaurant Here, waiter,
beefsteak, please.
Waiter-Yes sah--yes sab. Shall !
brung anything wifi it. sab?
Customer-Yes, bring it with haste.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
An Opera Glass Would Do Her.

Harper Bazaar.
Young Lady Customer-How much is
this opera glass?
Salesman-Flfteen dollars.
Young Lady Customer-Oh, that is too
expensive! Have you nothing smaller
perhaps an Operetta glass?
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
A NICE QUESTION.

Had l the right
wish might
Think you those lips I'd kiss?
Do you believe
Can you conceive
That such a chance I'd miss?
Could but see
That / were he
Who might her rage defy,
Do you suppose
That would lose
The time 'twould take to try?
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
dc Range Of Expression.
SnivverIy Never Came Again.

Merchant Traveller.
"Mr. SnivvcrIy, have you got spare
shoe at home?"
"Why-oh-ya-as Why do you ask?"
Because | want new trunk for my
doll, anG sister said"
But sister came into the room lust
then, just III Zine 10 bid Snivverly IA last
long farewell.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
gsgls!Ssys
a go z HOS! y! |

DR.. II. Nelson, surgeon il charge. odics
a26 Washington av. south, corner Third av
cure without canstic or mercury. chronic or
poisonous diseases of the blood, throat nose
SKIN, bladder and kindred organs. Gravel
and structure cured without pain or cutting.
threa 10 eight days by local remedy. Vie.
liIns OF indiscretion o. excess with cough. in
digestion, tired feeling, nervous, physical and
organic weakness, rendering marriage i'm
proper or unhappy, should call or wifte, IA
they are often treated for consumption. dys-
pepsia and liver complaint by inexpe.
rienced men, who mistake the cause of the
evil ard thus multiply both. Separate rooms
for ladies' No nauseous Drugs used Hours
8 a. H. &c 2 n. 2 to 4 and 10 9p. m SIM.
day, 10 ?. M Book, soc by mail
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20

l handle as specialties the best Minnetonka prop
erty bordering on the famous resort, among which is
Wayzata Minneonka Central addition Bay st.
Louis, Cottagewood, Long Beach, Spring Park, Lake
park and Island properties, besides shore acres and
acres adjoining. l also have cottages to rent. Nc
better bargains can be offered in MEnetonka prop
erty than can give. Call upon me and see.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
4 Fine Servant Girl.

Boston Courier
Mother-What. novel reading again,
Mary?
Daughter quilting up the heel of her
slpperl-Well, there's nothing for me
to do; you do everything about the
house.
Nj have to. Pm sure [ don't know
what's to become of you, Mary. You
can't cook, you can't make bread, l
can't trust you to make a bed If your
father and [ should be taken away what
would become of you.
Did get married.
M.-Bnt suppose you couldn't get
married?
Dwell, if the worst comes to the
worst, could hire out as a servant girl.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
Only Earning Their Money


1t was during a performance at Days
A young gentleman from the city and
an old gentleman from the country oc-
cupied adjoining seats. At the end of
the second act, when the curtain had
fallen amid loud applause, the young
man turned to the Old man and said, in
burst Of unwonted enthusiasm:
Excellent! Superb! How they do
act!''
"Ye-es," responded the old gentle
man. with face as eXpressionlesS as a
whitewaShed fence, ''but | understand
that's what they're paid for?"
A Wide Range Of Expression.
Harpcrs Bazaar
you seem thoughtful this evening,
Bobby" said the minister, who was
making call.
"Air, Goodman" inquired Bobby,
rousing himself, ''what is vocabulary?''
The minister kindly told him.
Il heard il this morning." Bobby ex.
planned. land | didn't know what il
meant. Ma said she had no idea what
vocabulary pa had until she heard him
taking down the parlor stove"