New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-10-21
MASCULINE SHOPPING.
THE HEAD OF THE HOUSE HAS SOME FUN

I had occasion yesterday 10 get few things
necessary In a wellrcgulated household went
into largo store the corner, where, as gathered
from their advertisements, they were moro than salts
fed II they made anywhere near living profit Un-
scruplous so-caled competitors, they claimed, wero
trying to undersell hem but so far these one-horse
concerns hal received only the wollmeritcd scon OF
a discriminating and long headed public felt
greatly pleased at getting the track of place the
first thing where they content to lose fair
percentage I couldn't help feeling sorry for the
small concerns that were struggling along and trying
to keep up appearances, but then they should haVe
known better than TO have started In.
There was wide stone sidewalk around the store,
and besides the other people there several coach
mon standing alone the outer cdgo wearing long,
gloomy expressions on their faces ferSonaAy,
arrived tho elevated road which passes along but
a few blocks away somewhat shorter stilts IL
seems to me- than It does further uptown. vert
in and began to look around I wanted to get q
number OF things, but all l could think OF was TWO
yards Of feb, so went TO man who looked
like Hamlet when Poonius is talking to him and asked
where they kept their felt lie told me, but looked
as II things getting worse and worse IN the
state OF Denmark
/ went to the place to which Hamlet directed me
and found fishing tackle and rubber dolls Hamlcts
advice TO the purchaser Is not satisfactory. HOW
ever, found the felt department at last and sat
down Of the cloth-covered doorknoos whlch
stood along in front Of the COULTER mounted on sucks
The young lady who had the management OF the feis
very busy matching piece Of green felt to a
blue sample for a customer, l had time to rest l
didn't see anything OF Hamlet, but Coriolanus
went past once looking for volsclans Down the kid
glove alley noticed King Richard III. mcdltatng on
the melancholy fate OF sOveregns and the probable
relative demand that there would he next week Tor
four and six button gloves respectively. Everything
seemed TO be intended for rest. They appeared 10
want TO encourage people to stay and grow old with
them. l saw that the idea many folks labor under
that life Is short Is dcluslon. I sent word to the
managers desk by of the cash boys that IL there
any charge for sitting on that button AFTER the
first hour that would make 1t all right
The young lady got around to at last, however,
! and asked RE what color 1 wanted didn't know
that had lost the sample while was paving around
In the grass The front yard before left home look
ing for my street tickets l told
her thought wanted a sort Of dark
green though She said she didn't what could
want Of dark green felt. Acknowledged that
didn't know what l wanted IT for, but was pretty
| sure that that the color. She said that II had
lost my sample she didn't see what could know about
what wanted, and / had to admit that it was some
so. Then she showed me some red felt, and yellow
felt and purple felt and various other colored elts
Ny mind kept wandering back foolIShly TO the dark
green but If tried to say anything about 1t she soon
put the right track again, and spread our some
light rose colored felt before She just ready
to cut me of piece of this when tho crazy notion
that wanted dark green got tho better of me again
and told her that l must have 1t. l apoogzed for
my freak, but l explained TO her that would never
be happy til / got It and sneaked home with 1t
under my overcoat and hid It so that no one would
ever know that l had bought dark green felt Just
because I wanted 1t when / could have got light
rosc-colored She scattered slabs OF felt right and
left for minute and dug roll of the poor,
crack Drained dark green out Of the bottom OF the
pile and cut of two yards She said it came to
70 81 reduced from three seventy-thrcc and hall,
and gave her a 50 bill She gave tho felt to girl
in pigeon-hole TO tie up and put the money ana
CHEEKY little note TO the cashier, saying that she had
made a sale and hoped he was enjoying the same
Blessing, in a little round tin pepper-box with a
fur collar on each ond OF IT, and dropped IT down the
end of small brass eavesspou which came up by the
sdc of the post office box the girl was In She pulled
a sort Of a thing around over the top OF the brass
tube and Il began TO hum kind OF sad, suDdned
tune and judged that all was over
rested nv elbows on the counter and thought and
watched the end OF that brass money digesung APP
paratus for very long time. saw my mistahc ho"
that # was too late had often been warned from
youth up against putting my money in where wouu
never get 1t back and this must be what they meant
had often wondered when my financially sharp
friends had told me that must never put my money
into anything where l was not certain Oh speedy
rc,rns what they were referring to; this was evil
IDENTITY IT, Time woV and the brass pipe hummeu
the same sad refrain down in lis throat ana iciuseu
TO give lid my So wouldn't have cared so much
II I hadn't been told many times not 10 put my
money into anything didn't know anything about
Time went on and | hung to the one-legged stool,
though had long ago given up hope noticed 'ha'
Cardinal wolscy preparing TO 20 homo whhc
Macbeth was having boy take down the Sample
lace I'm his department. All at once the orgah-Npe
clucked and began to breathe hard Inc girl p"lieu
something and took out tho pepperbox with The
WHISPERS. When the young lady opened 1t and gave
ne my change. consisting OF nine pennies and some
other coins walltct Lack from the brink Of financial
ruin in q dream.
/ then went down INFO Tho housefurnshng gooos
department to get tin steamer good-ioohlng
Soung lady who wore eyeglasses showed me one
with lot OF holes in the bottom, and was starting
for another store when she called me back and told
me all about steamers l told her | would take 1t,
and she also wrote few lines to the proprietor IN
the course of which she mentioned she had sold a
steamer to a man from the back counties. and she
hoped TO have an increase in her salary and SHOT 1t
and my money through another brass inte
suppose l might say fere That time
wore away, but IT seems almost un
necessary / improved ir, however, BY buying
lin cup, a towel-rack and brass candle-stick. Then
branched out and bought an ssh.can with vain
scotlng around the outside Of II, and carving knife
and fork with one of those rohnd things that you
pretend to sharpen the knife on before you begin to
away at the chicken where there isn't any Joint
and finally land the fowl IN your guests lap and SIT
down and LET your wife finish the job Wien you tell
a man that he can't sharpen a carving knife on one
OF these iron whet stones you touch him tender
spot: he THINKS he can, but he can't; the man
that invented them couldn't. You might well
saw the chicken and playfully toss II
the floor with the fork and get down and pick 1t
up and get red In the face and apologize without
any ceremony with the file. However, always ltke
10 go through little scelplng exercise with the
sharpening iron myself before pull the trap and let
the blrl take ten-iooi rise and light in the gravy
dish and then allow itself 10 De captured.
/ also invested In a coffee mill, an iron kettle, \
long slender round shouldcrcd toasting fork and
ironing board with uphoiscring on one side OF IT,
The brass tubes hcp pretty busy making change
a. ! paid for each thing separately, "a TO hear
them sing and | had one pocket over half full Of
furnelIlnr tho cnnhN