News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-01-05


of his cane!
FOR THE HOLIDAYS.
Husband Gust starting for out of
town)-My dear, here is fifty dollar
bill.
Wife (hastily)--Oh, John, I'm ever
SO much obliged
Husband-WhichI wish you would
give to the tailor for my new overcoat.
He said he would send the bill to-day
Epoch.
A QUANDARY.
Husband (who has little "engaee-
ment' on hand II shall be at the office
very late tonight, my dear, posting my
books, and you had better not sit up
for me.
Wife-Very well, John. When 1 get
ready to go to bed I'll just say good
night to you through the telephone.
SPECIAL TERMS.
New Member Ito Washington hotel
clerk What are your regular terms
Clerk-Four dollars day, sir; pay
able weekly.
New Members have different
Clerk-Yes, sir. -Four dollars q day
in adYance.--EUe. Sun.
STRIVING TO PLEASE.
Old Lady SHARPLY, to boy in drug
store)-Fve been waiting for some time
to be waited ON, boy.
Boy (meekly)-Yes'um; what kin do
fer you?
Old LADY, want two-cent stamp.
Boy anxious to please - Yes'um.
Will you have it lcked2
SUFFICIENT.
"Do you think you have nerve
enough to be o reporter p asked the
managing editor of an applicant.
az think SO, sir
''And what makes you think so2''
'I'm only twenty" was the reply;
"but have already proposed to five diff
ferent girls. ."-Judge.
RATHER HAVE HER SISTER.
A Scotch Presbyterian minister who
married a couple of his rustic parisho-
ners felt exceedingly disconnected on
his asking the bridegroom if he were
willing to take the woman for his wife
by his scratching his head and saying.
cay, I'm wullin', but I'd rather hae her
sister, Thistle.
A NUMEROUS FAMILY.
Mrs. Smith to Mrs. Jones' servant
girl-What do you want?
Servant girl-Mrs. Jones sends her
regards and says would you be so kind
as to count your children and see if you
ho too
hasn't come home and school has been
out two hours.
SEEKING INFORMATION.
Stranger What church is that across
the way, little boy9
Little Boy-Christ's church.
Stranger-And the one further up
the street?
Little Boy-That's pas, but he
doesn't go very often .-Teras Sifting8.
A CLEAR CASE.
"Young man." said the physician,
''your symptoms indicate !
fatty degeneration of the heart" ar
at presume they do, DOCTOR" replied
the youth, dejectedly. 81 am engaged
to young woman who weighs 314 |
pounds. Chicago Tribune.
SCARED.
A freight car labeled "powder," stand |
ing at Phillipsburgh for two days, Gre
ated much apprehension and people |
it. When opened, however, |
it was seen to contain barrels of apples. |
The barrels were as full as when they |
were shipped.
Mistress Why, Mary, 1 told you to
make up my room an hour ago, and
here it is in terrible disorder?
Mary-Yis, mum, an did make it
up; but the master came in to put on a
,lane collar, mum, and he lost the but
.on.-Ep0ch.
NOT NECESSARY.
Husband Cat late breakfast My
lear, did you go through my pockets
before I got up, this morning?
Wife-No; [ thought from the condi-
ion you were in when you came home
asst night that it would hardly warrant
he trouble.
WANTED HER TO OPEN IT.
Wife-A box came to-day, John, ad-
lressed to you.
Husband-Did you open it2
Wife-No.
Husband-Well, wish you had. It
lay be one of those dinged internal
machines.
THE UNITED STATES MAIL.
Woman Ito country postmistress)-Is
here ennythin fer me to-day! I'm sot
n hearin' from my darter, Mirandy.
Postmistress- a postal Mi
andy writes she's enjyin' herself an
ont be home till mex week.
FASHIONABLE NOTE.
Jobbs-I see that stripes are very
luch worn this season.
Hobbs-Oh, yes But not so much
) they would have been if the Court of
ppeals hadn't interfered.-N. Y. Star.
MAKING HAY.
''You seem to be enjoying yourself,
obby," said one of the guests at din
er party.
YES" assented Bobby, with his
outh full. "Im maxim the most of it,
INDIGESTION.
Tramp Ito woman at the door)-I feel
cry mCeh distressed, madam. I
Madam. Something you have eaten
Tramp %, something I've not eat