The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-10-19
TEE cANcloATE AZ HOME.
1 Realistic t,iciurn 81 the drriais and rrlh
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Tx CAtNl-t1GI Al HUME.
l Realistic r'icsura 81 the srriais and rrlb-
niat.ons OF Oar Great Men.
Yes nv dear, remarked the can
didate 70 his wife, az with weary sigh
he removed the wrappers from large
yellow silk pin-cnshiol with hisinitials
on it, and sent the girl down stairs with
VI 81 for the expressnan; ives / fully
appreciate the honor that some of the
people OF this great and efrervesciug
Republic have done me IN nominating
me for so high an Office; but could
wish that they would be somewhat less
impetuous, as it were, in their method
of expressing their esteem aud admir-
ation."
He here stopped to replace the cover
on the box containing the twenty-year-
old rattlesnake that had been sent him
by constituent in Wyoming an act
which he performed just in time 70
prevent the playful reptile from me-
andering out and making a light lunch
Of the baby. This done. he resumed.
sadly:
lit must, of course, be highly graft
flying to any properly constructed can
didate TO have an enthusiastic people
pouring perfect avalanche, II may
be permitted the expression, OF canes.
cigaf-cases, underwear. beasts of as
sorted sizes ana colors. and other use
ful articles upon him; he can not but
feel proud 10 think that his house is
the objective point of every express
wagon in town. and that people all over
this great md glorious land are sitting
up nights and neglecting their business
to make rare and curious articles OF
rertu for him. But in time even this
becomes monotonous. and"
Here the girl came in 70 say that an
other consignment Of yellow dogs had
arrived. and that the expressman
wanted eight dollars more With a
sigh the candidate produced the money.
and ordered that the dogs be put down
cellar and made rs comfortable as pos
sible
Il do not mind dogs so much" he
remarked, "but snakes and prairie
wolves seem TO me in bad taste. and |
earnestly deprecate---"
There's n man downstairs inter-
rupted the girl. re-entering the room.
and falling over the twenty-poend
brindle cat. which lady in Mlchigan
had sent with her regards and an ex-
press bill for tEelve dollars. .au1 he
says TINT he mas just named his two
hours old baby after you. aud thought
he would come round and let YOU
know, so that you would not feel
anxious about it,
This is getting played on" howled
the candidates: I've rot no more
money to invest in that way, and that
settles il. Give him a spoon out Of the
holder. with my regards. and tell him
I'll call round and kiss the baby as
soon rs / get time"
Say! remarked his wife with aui-
nation: ''this paper says that "A man
named Wellington Hanks. in Eeolzuk.
is making hair-brush FOR YOU TO be
composed of 1867 distinct pieces of
wood"
Great gunsr' exclaimed the candi-
date: "Nho said wanted hnir-brush?
The idea Of sending hair brush to
man without a hair on his head! |
won't have it.
just then the girl entered. and said
that mule OF rare beauty had arrived
from Arizona. and was waiting his Or
ders and sixteen dollars.
slaughter the beastt' cried the can
didate wildly, .'and tell the express
man TO go tol Am to have no time to
think about the tariff and things. and
no money to buy food with? ] can't
even get a chance u write my inaugu-
raj address; and the first thing you
know il i be the fourth OF March, and
I'll have to stand up there be ore a per-
spring multitude and speak piece
out Of the Amateur Orator. Iwon Mt
He was interrupted by the entrance
Of n boy with AN express package, upon
which were inscribe the words IAN
charges prepaid" As his eyes fell upon
the inscription. he uttered wild shrek
and fell TO the floor unconscious For
a few moments his woes were forgot
toni. 4. StearaS. ia Pack.