davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-09
Perkins Exasperated.

At the breakfast table Mr.. Perkins
said that he hadn't slept wink all
night, he'd been in such pain, and that
he guessed if he could get down to DR..
Peterson's Office he'd see what the doc
tor could do for HIM.
As lie entered the Office he heard a
voice, apparently from an inner room:
''What is your name, sir?'
perkins, sir"
go. Brown; how do you do Mr..
Brown"
My name amt Brown, sir-it's
Perkins; and [ don't do at all. ;"
Brown did you say, or Downcs?"
perkins, sir, l said"
90, yes, Brown; well, I thought so. "
Perkins! Perkins!" Mr.. Perkins
shouted vehemently, bringing his cane
down on the floor emphatically, with
looks of defiance toward the inner
room, and with the air of a man who
is determined to win, as he glanced
about the room on the 20 smiling pa-
tients in waiting.
The voice asked: ''Your wife sick
againP" Did she sleep well last night?"
''Tain't my wife that's sick. It's
NE, and l tell you l didn't shut my
eyes to sleep all night"
Didn't sleep bit; well, I'll send
the doctor up right away. Mr.. Brown"
"Confound you! You insult me. I
don't want any doctor sent up to see
me after I've dragged myself down
here.
"All right, I'll send him up right
after dinner"
Where be you, any way, you ras-
cal?' Mr.. Perkins demanded fiercely,
rushing into the room from which the
voice came. IF l ever see a fellow
making a fool of himself it's you.
What do you think you're doing?"
Answering a telephone message,
sir"
'.Then I'm the fool" Mr.. Perkins
murmured as he retreated hastily.
feeling that he would like to use his
cane over the heads of the happy.
looking company in the waiting office.
-,JPIClO9
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-09

table: Edith. | can't be pestered
with these trifes. You must open a
bank account. will make a cash de-
post, against which you can draw at
your leisure, and so not harpoon me
just as | am about to put on my over
coat for so he's and $50 there"
The young wife, to whom the vision
of personal bank account seemed to
be on par with a private view of
Paradise, readily accompanied her
husband forthwith to n fashionable
bank on Fifth avenue, where her sig
nature was enrolled for Identification,
and pass book, with $4,000 to her
credit, handed to her, together with a
pretty pocket check book, containing
fifty blank checks, and interviewer ab
regular intervals with convenient
sheets of blotting paper.
Everything went on smoothly in the
bankers household for some ten days
until, returning home one evening,
he started to upbraid his wife, in the
following terms:
''Why, Edith, how could you be so
extravagant? You must have been
getting an entire winters wardrobe
for your poor relatives, in addition to
paying our household expenses. Your
account is overdrawn. have letter
from the cashier of your bank, stating
that YOU are indebted to the bank
S106 90, and requesting me, at my
earliest convenience, to make good
the amount"
mo such thing" she replied, IT
still have plenty of money in the bank,
and will prove it to your satisfaction
tomorrow morning"
a visit was made to the bank, and
the lady was confronted with for
midable array of figures and vouch-
ers, confirming the cashiers estimate
of her Indebtedness. She demonstrated
that gross injustice had been done
her, and offered in evidence ten blank
checks which remained in her check
book, and argued that her balance
could not be exhausted until those
blank checks had been used. 1t was
in vain that the cashier tried to con-
vince her that one check was all that
was necessary at any time to draw out
her entire balance. The banker, how
ever, who has retailed the joke at his
Wl1e EXPENSE III tue coIIluoIS VI ZIG
Windsor Hotel, is going to return to
old principles. The bank account has
been closed, and the bankers wife
will have to be satisfied with meekly
pleading every morning for so or $40
as heretofore, which will be granted
according to her husbands credulity
in the legitimacy of her demands, and
provided the session at poker on tho
previous night does not compel him
for that particular day to be harshly
communicative York San.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-09
The Coming Great Novelist.

There is one young lady in this city,
says the Waterbury american, who
has all the making of a good metro
politan newspaper correspondent. She
is only about s years old now and has
a chance to develop. The other day
she went to her school teacher, crying
bitterly, and said she must 90 home
as her brother was dead.
'When did he die?" asked the teach
er.
''Last night" stammered the child
between her tears. ''He was only 2
years old. Last night he started to
follow papa to the barn. When papa
came in at o'clock we, asked where
baby was, and he said he hadn't seen
him." Here the sobs drowned her
words for awhile. Then the tot con-
tinued: eve went right out to search
then, and this morning we found him
in the woods with his legs almost eaten
Off"
Thoughts that Barnum's animals
had come up the valley filled the
teachers mind, and she was almost
sickened as the child went on with
the narrowing details. What did
you do" she asked at length.
''Called the doctor, but it was no
use; baby died"
The teacher then called the child's
older sister from a neighboring school
room; the child denied the story in
toto. The teacher had previously de-
tected a glowing imagination in the
tot, whom she now ordered to her
seat.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-09
Dry Hunor.

William L. Marcy, secretary of state
during the administration of President
Pierce, had dry humor in which he
often INDUCED, though he seldom
laughed. A lawyer of Richmond, Va,
Mr.. r. G. Scott, applied for the con-
sulship at Rio de Janerio. The place
had been promised him, but the nomi-
nation was delayed so long that Mr..
Scott, becoming impatient, visited
Washington to see what caused his
appointment to chang fire." Calling
on Mr.. Marcy, he frankly said that he
was embarrassed by the uncertainty
and tired of the delay, and wished to
be plainly told what he might expect.
''Mr. Scott" said the secretary, in a
dry. hard tone, ''for every bough of
the top of the tree of appointments
for the mission plenipotentiary for ex-
ample-there are about one hundred
applicants; and for the lower limbs of
the consulships there are about one
thousand applicants.
Those holding on to the upper
boughs expect, if they fall, to catch
upon the boughs of the secretaries, and
those disappointed in obtaining them
hope to catch on the limbs of con-
sulships.
For the place of plenipotentiary
but one of the hundred can be APP
pointed, and the ninety and nine fall
ing upon the next bough increase the
number of applicants to 399 For the
latter but one can be appointed, and
thus S9S fall upon the consulships, in
creasing the number applicants to
1898. The chance for consulship is
one in 1898. You can, therefore, cal
culate your chances for the consulship
at Rio"
Then, sir" answered the aston
ished and dismayed Scott, Il may as
well 90 home to my clients, and quit
the business of ofice-beggingw and he
rose 10 his feet.
But Mr.. Scott" resumed Mr.. Mar
cy, motioning to him to resume his
seat, 81 have advised the president
that the failure to obtain the higher
office should not give lien on the
lower office; thus your chance will re-
main as one to a thousand only for a
consulship."
well, that chance is not worth
waiting for, and I'll go home," said
Scott.
when you do" answered the Sec
rotary, with a twinkle in his eyes, ''go
and prepare for your passage to Rio,
for your appointment is already de-
termined upon"
Then the secretary's fat sides shook
with his enjoyment of SCOTS joyful
surprise.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-09
4 Type Nearly Vanished.

4 lady of the ''old south" GIFTED
cultured, and beautifully, said the other
day to a writer for the Nashville
american: ''The typical southern girl
is almost extinct" Said she: 81 have
travelled extensively in the north and
in the south, and | find our girls are
placing accent upon conversation,
dress and manner that is entirely out
of keeping with the expectations of
foreigners who look for the dignity,
grace and bearing of the southern girl
of our literature.
ITO what do you attribute this?"
was asked her.
Mainly to the Ease ideas of self-sacri-
ficing parents, whose trials of fortune
curtailed their own expectations and
gave them a determination to make
everything bend to the one idea: My
daughter must have good time"
There was much truth in that. 1t
svuo one thinking. "a good time"
nowadays seems to represent nearly
the whole social creed. The reserve,
dignity, modesty, self-denial of some
of the doings of good social life that
formerly made the southern girl an in
dividual, seem obliterated. It need not
be forgotten; the evil effect of this
social schism has not yet made its ap-
pearance because this generation are
sons and daughters of the mothers who
were girls of the '.old school" These
have trained their sons to chivalric
sentiment, they make ready excuses,
which still come without effort to
cover little faults. This but deepens
the conviction that chiValry must have
inspiration in the dependence of trust
full womanhood.
But if girls may go here and there
without chaperonage, if health and
comfort are easily set aside to compass
some silly within of going somewhere,
if there be a restless, purposeless chase
for ephemeral excitement, where can
Il true heart rest, or a reasonable hope
for home exist? There is at this
moment gathering conviction that
we have accepted great deal of bosh
as gossip on the subject of woman's
rights and woman's education. Give
her love, and she has the first; time,
and she will get the second.
OF course, she has The right to sell
her claim to tender consideration if she
WISHES. DuU, De III clearly uHu0rStOOQ,
having done so, she has not the right
to claim or hope for continuance OF
tender courtesy.
There is now unlimited prosperity in
the south once more. 1t is not too
late to reconstruct or to re-establish
much that was torn away that was
good. All honor to those who make
commendable effort to keep alive the
sacred flame. Where shall we hide
the glaring that the handspring of
chivaIry has been greatly damaged by
the careless reliance and recklessness
that forces us to this foregone shame
faced confession.
Our southern girl proper is a very
queen. She is delicate in all her con-
ceptions of right and wrong; loyal to
principle and friends; constant III
affection, capable and domestic in the
home eli Gle, gifted with well-preserved
beauty of face and form, crowned with
sensitive, dignitied mode5ty, an ideal
of womanhood; the voucher for the
truth of the statement southern chiv-
airy must live"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-09
why He Cried

a few days ago Col. Percy Yerger
had occasion to take dose of qunine.
His little 4-year-old boy took official
notice of what was gong on, and, sup
posing it to be the customary toddy
the old man was in the habit of morti-
flying his flesh with, wanted the glass
to get the sugar at the bottom. Being
desirious of curing the child of an in
applicable craving for strong drinks,
the fond parent gave little Jimmy the
glass, who soon began to show his dis
appointment by fearful bowls and
crashing of teeth.
SIS it crying because it is so bitter?"
inquired the parent.
mo, dot ant why cries. l cries
cos is. so sorry der ant none left for
little brother Tommy. He always
wants some of everything 1 get."-
TEXAS Stftsngs.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-09
What Some Actors Were.

Stewart Robson was a printer.
Joseph Wheelock was sailor.
George G. Min was clergyman,
John t. Raymond was a clerk.
Anna Dickinson taught school.
Henry E. Abbey was a jeweler.
Barney Williams was peddler.
Adam Forepaugh was butcher.
BILLY" Florence was a newsboy.
Sarah Bernhardt was a dressmaker.
Edwin Forrest was cabinetmaker.
Lester Wallack was an army officer.
Adelaide Nelson was a child's
nurse.
John Mccullough was foundry
man.
C. W. Couldock was clerk in Lon
DON
P. T. Barnum was a country store
keeper.
Mile. Albani was choir singer in
Albany.
Augustin DAILY was a newspaper re-
porter.
BARLEY Campbell worked in a brick
yard.
The tenor Wachtel was cabman in
Berlin.
Maurice Barrymore was lawyer in
London.
Christine Nilsson sang for pennies
at fairs.
Henry Jarrett footed horn in an
orchestra.
Osmond Tearle was formerly drug
clerk.
Manager Mccall was colonel in
the army.
Denman Thompson was farmer
and a soldier.
Harry Dixey was dry goods clerk
in Boston.
Maurice Strakosch was tenor in
Agram at Sc month.
A. M. Palmer was librarian of the
Mercantile Library.
The great Rachel was street singer
and tambourine player.
Tony Pastor was circus clown.
Theodore Thomas was a fiddler at
50 a week in the old Broadway The
atre.
Lolita used to dance and sing for
the ''boys" in the Sierra mining
camps.
Nate Salisbury was an artilleryman.
= Cincinnati Times Star.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-09
---sz-~ ~---------
The Modern Newsboy.

81 ant sold all my papers" replied
Jim-for that was his name-''and l
thought it was the old man goin' to
lick me. And Pm so tired! for | bin
workin' nights to buy Joe some grapes
for Thanksgivin'.
you sHould say father, and not old
man." answered Mr.. Zimmerman re-
provingly: sand who is Joe?"
my brother. His legs were run
over by the horse-car, so he can't walk
nor work no more"
Mr.. Zimmerman thought of his own
little grandson Joe, who was so
chubby and 'well-fed: and then he
asked how many papers were left
''Fivew answered Jim, as he stood
shivering.
Thereupon Mr.. Zimmerman put a
round, shining silver dollar into Jim's
hand. ''Tnere, you can buy Joe some
grapes Never mind the change, and
keep your papers!" Then blowing his
nose vigorously, he walked away
very fast. and felt. very warra and
virtuous.
But glad smile came over Jim's
face, as he ran and bought two hoky
poky ice-creams. Having finished
these ,delieacies, he lay down in the
stairway again to try his little. game
on the next kind old gentleman who
might pass.-PucE.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-09
A Bottle of Wine on the Congo.

At the time of my first arrival in the
country like difficulty was anticipa-
ted in a certain station (Which [ will
not name) owing to a scarcity of car
riers, and the chief thought it better to
put everyone on short allowance.
Among other rations Portuguese wine
was issued at the rate of half bottle
per man day. Each man had to send
his '.boy" to the store with his bottle
every other day, and, of course, there
was rush for the big bottles. The
storekeeper, instructed by the chief,
refused everything larger than a
champagne bottle, and as the second
officer in charge of the station super
intended the issuing of rations in per-
son. there was no chance for any man
to get more than his share. This
/
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-09
Lunch Boxes Must Go.

A prominent physician says that
children's school luncheons should not
be placed in the old-fashioned lunch
basket or tin box, as bad odors always
cling to much used receptacle. What
he recommends is fresh, clean nap
kin wrapped neatly round the bread
and butter or other edibles, and paste
board box to hold it all. The box can
then be thrown away when the meal
s done. The good sense of this will
strike every person given to whole
some living, and it will also delight
the box manufacturers, who should
Immediately get up cheap little box
especially adapted to the conveyance
of school luncheons. Parents, no
doubt, would be glad to buy these
boxes as they buy matches, by the
quantity. should they supersede the
luncheon basket.-Bo Boston Herald.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-09

ing with pltchtork ready to defend
her home, and her ladyship, the lone
ly Countess of Kingston, looking with
gloomy eyes out upon the wide and
beautiful view, yet not daring to ven
ture beyond her castle gates among
the people of her oppression and greed,
and in truth / should not care to ex-
change places with either. < athGri7ae
Cole an NeW Orleans Picayune.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-09
The Making of Him.

Omaha man (on railroad train)-
No, am not travelling on business
exactly. lam going east after my son.
He is in college there and was hurt
recently in a game of football. l
shall take him out. | don't believe in
these eastern colleges, anyhow-an
play and no work.
anger-Well, do. am a col
lege graduate and l owe my present
success to my college training. | just
tell you football toughens 2 man up
wonderfully. The knocking around |
got in college was the making of me.
'.Humph! What business are you
IMP"
az am a book agent.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-09
Her First Bank Account.

A weIl-known banker, who had be-
come tired of the habit of fumbling
in his vest pocket every morning that
his wife asked him to pay the neces-
sary household expenses, and who
was smarting from the sting of q re-
cent heavy raid against Reading. said
to her not long ago at the breakfast
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-09

Mrs. Mitchell, the wido1e of the late
Alexander Mitchell, of Milw aukee, is
said to have quarreled with her son.
John L. Mitchell, because he decided
to sell the Mitchell mansion. She
will quit " Wisconsin and live liz Cali
fornia, where she will doubtless be
comfortable, for she receives $4,000 a
wear from her husbands estate.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-09

''Such beautiful custom they have
in Southern France when one dies in
the household" said Mrs. Cornerlots
to Mrs. Newrich. '.Indeedw replied
Mrs Newrich, with acidity. Yes;
they at once open window in order
that the esprit de corpse may wing
its way heavenward. "-KanSas City
Times
Sacramento daily record-union., 1888-10-13

Election of Trustees

The annual meeting of the Young Mems
Christian Association was held at theil
rooms last evening. Reports from all the
committees were read of very encourag,
ing nature, showing the work to be in a
very prosperous condition. The Treas.
urer's report showed that $2,700 had been
collected from various sources and ex.
pended in maintaining the work. Trustees
were elected for the ensuing year. as fol.
lows. Walter Wylie, W. S. Rassett. C. NJ.
Campbell, w. c. McNeeley, George o. Hay
ford, c. A. Beesley, B. L. Edwards, a.
Ingram, G. II. Dunn, G. A. Maydwen.
z. +. Harding. one of the International
Secretaries, from New York, on his way
home from attendance at the State Con.
yendon now in session at Fresno. reported
the work OF the Association all over the
coast as being IN & very prosperous condi.
ton, with increase all along the line.
Sacramento daily record-union., 1888-10-13
Tlr0Sg WOOLEN MILLS
sscramen;o sitHriaps Seeking Shell
Behind Several sacl.S

sscramsnto Si,priaps Seeking Shelter
Behind Several Sacks.
! WHAT about starting those YYoolen mills d?
is question asked by nearly every business
man you meet. All are anxious to see them
started, but so far only $4,000 has been sub.
scrlbed. What's the matter? 1t is a good
proposition. everybody agrees in that, and
no one says that it will not be a paying in
vestment. If that's the case, then ybv is
not the bargain closed, tie buildings
erected and the machinery set in motion?
III answer you" said a well-krown
business man. 1t is because the commit
tee who have it in charge has gone 10
sleep. Sacramento has lost many an op-
portunlty through sleepy committees, and
she Will add another 10 her less if sCme of
the public-spirited citizens of the city, who
are not anxious 10 be paraded in print.
don't take hold of it. The Santa Rosa
people want 10 incorporate for $50 OCO.
They viii take $4,000 of that, and ask
Sacramento to take the balance Here the
proposition has been open two weeks and
nothing done. If | was the Santa Rosa
people L would pull up stalks and go to
town"
Now, while this gentleman was a little
severe there is no doubt there is grain of |
truth in what he says Sacramento people |
are slow IN acting, and if there was a COM |
petitor in any matter she would be left |
every time. Outside of few liberal citi- !
zens, the only enterprising individuals. ap-
parently, in the city. especially since the |
State Fair, has been the criminal class.
They have got the modus operandi of |
cheating justice down to such a fine point |
that conviction in the Police Court is en-
utter impoSsibility. Ii half the effort on
the part OF half dozen business men was
directed to securing the money for the
woolen mills, with the energy displayed by I
a tramp in trying 10 cheat the chain-gapg |
the thing would be a fixed fact inside of |
One week
If the money is raised or the stock sub
scribed, the question Of location will be
left to the stockholders. In the event that
The stock is taken a competent committee
will be sent to Santa Rosa to examine the
machinery, TO see if it is as represented.
Mr. Lowry will manage the new enterprise.
md if it is so it will give employment to
100 women, girls and boys. That would
add to the prosperity of the city. A dozen
'uch mills, and Sacramento would be the
second city in the State in a short time.
Sacramento daily record-union., 1888-10-13
The First Sale

1t IS customary for men embarkins in
new enterprises TO take notice of the first
article sold, and generally the first dollar
or piece of coin taken in, is laid away as a
souvenir. a new drug store was opened
up town Tuesday, and the first article sold
was to a member of the California Pio-
neers. The old boys " never age in looks
and many ci>them vie with the Native
Sons IN their attention to the Native
Daughters and the !" Old Mans Darling y
idea often causes the young ladies to give
the go By " to the boys who love to wear
the " bear emblem. Strange as it NAV
SEEM, the article purchased by the argo.
naut was 1ot box of pills, g bottle of Iini-
ment, hair dye, elixir of life, or a chest
pad, bui bottle Of Lubins extract of the
Jocky Club variety. What does he want
with 1t? was query among the clerks. A
lew minutes later the second sale was made.
Inc second customer was also a Pioneer
and he purchased the same article. Yester
DAY one OF Sacramento's fairest daughters.
who is admired alike by the Young and
old, called at the new store and made few
purchases. as she was leaving, the pro-
p1elor offered TO make her a present of
some pertumery, handing ont bottle of
" Jockey Club" She said NO, thanks:
please give me some New Mown Hav.' /
was presented with two bottles of Jockey
Club yesterday"