News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-10-18
A MINISTER'S STORIES.
One of the Cloth Tells of Many Lu-
dicrOus Situations.

One of the Cloth Tells of Many Lu-
dicrOus Situations.
"During q twenty-years' experience
in the work of the ministry have met
with the most Iaughable scenes where
one would expect nothing but church
like solemnity," said well-known min
lister the ether day to a reporter of the
Kansas City Star.
81 have stood by the sick and dying,
and have seen incidents worthy of de-
scriPtion by humorist's pen. 1 have
stood at the marriage altar, where the
very air breathed of solemnity, and have
with difficulty kept down laughter over
some ridiculous scene or situation. A
minister's life is full of rich and happy
changes, and [ pity the man who can
pass through such life an eXemplifica-
ton of q walking tombstone. Poor man,
he never learned the secret of life.
81 was fresh from -- Theological
/ Seminary, and had entered upon the
duties of my first charge at a salary of
| $500 year Never shall I forget those
days nor the novel way one brother in
sisted upon paying his part of the min
ist-r's salary. This dear, good pillar of
the church kept q small country grocery,
and one day, while making my pastoral
calls, I stepped into the establishment of
the brother to inquire after his spiritual
welfare. He motioned me to where he
was seated, and after finishing his pipe
of the vilest tobacco, ever smelled be-
gan:
4 amt much good anyhow, parson,
and don't deserve a very large share of
the kingdom, but durn me if [ don't
want to do the square thing by you, SO
I'll contribute $40, to be paid in pea
nuts
81 took the first installment and re-
treated soon after, wondering all the
time what some of my young ministerial
brethren would say to such a pastoral
call
One night shortly after this I made q
pastoral call Mt the home of the young
lady who afterward became my wife.
While there an ignorant, but good
meaning, country fellow came to the
door and asked for the minister, sayi
he understood that parsonage was there.
He was invited in and l was called to
meet him. After blushing profusely and
making several Intellectual attempts to
make known his errand, he managed to
say in broken sentences, with tears, as
it were, in his voice:
"I-I want to-I come to see You
abou-that is, what will you charge to
ma-marr-marry meg
"When informed that there was no
regular charge, and that any donation
would be gladly received, he opened his
heart to the extent of cord of wood and
the bargain was closed, but what [ was
to do with such barter was a mystery
to me.
"On another occasion, at social
meeting, had become quite eloquent in
prayer, and I'm afraid lengthy. / had
prayed for the sick, the afflicted, the
absent ones, the heather at home and
abroad, and had impOrtuned blessings
upon everybody and everything upon
the earth, sea or in heaven, and had
reached the now, finally, Lord, when
All unthinking brother, whose heart was
all right, called out, Amen amen = so
fervently, and the situation seemed so
ridiculous, that [ brought my petition
to a speedy close, even more speedy than
had intended.
''That was twenty-five years ago in q
small New England village, and I've
served better churches since then. At
one of my city appointments | had an
experience in wedding ceremony that
for an amusing situation surpaSses any
thing [ have ever seen. The groom
wanted n ceremony with no break what
ever, one of the smoothest of the smooth
so he borrowed my ritual to "pip up
on the questions and answers, but by
mistake he got hold of the baptismal
covenant and committed the answers to
it. The Wedding day arrived, so did
the nervous groom with his bride, and
as they walked up the church aisle keep
ing step to the grand old strains of
MendeIssohn's Wedding March. 1 had
q premonition of trouble. The cere-
mony began:
John, will you have this woman to
be your welded wife, to live after Gods
holy ordinance, to love and to cherish in
sickness or IN health p"
CT renounce them ALL answered
John
you're a fool said 1 to him under
my breath.
"'All this I steadfastly believe came
the answer and ditto a sound of sup
pressed laughter from the audience.
There was hurried conversation be-
tweed John and me, and then repeated
the question, likewise the answer to it,
and to all succeeding ones.
zone day 1 was in my study when a
German brother from the country
came in and wanted me to visit his sick
wife.
&c what is the matter with Katrina,
Hans 2 l inquired.
'Oh, der is Something's the madden
NIT her livers und her mind is berang-
ed, OATS vat dink.'
"'Well, Hans, you better get q ply
stefan; he can do more good than /, was
the argument [ used on him, but he was
not to be put of.
Mine shimminy grashious, amt
you quite in cases of berangement3'
81 have since thought that [ would
make application for the chaplaincy of
some lunatic asylum, and no doubt
my congregation would heartily APP
prove
81 had a choir down in New England |
that had 50 much of the spirit of the |
mule in it that doubt worry much if its
members ever enter through the pearly |
gates and are transferred to the heaven
Iy chorus. They were kicking almost |
and once, when on u
strike, l concluded to bear with them
no longer. They were in their places all
right on this particular Sabbath morn
ing, but they had informed me that
they would not sing n note until Brother
-, one of their number, was reduc-
ed to the pews. This [ absolutely re-
fused to do, and gave out the opening
hymn:
Let those refuse to sing
Who never knew our God,
Bnt children of the heavenly King