The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-05-24
BRIGHT BITS.

ABouT everything in this world is unhealthy,
except the uncomfortable things which nobody
cares for-MGrthd'S Vineyard Herald.
IT IS quite right that everybody should have
mission in life, but it is only the politicians
VINO expect the government to provide it,
Boston Post.
THERE are said to be hundreds of patents on
bustles in the Patent Office in Washington.
We'd like TO see a hustle that isn't patent these
days.-ROchester Express.
The largest tree east of California is in Ohio,
and several statesmen will soon be in its top
most branches. trying to persuade Presidential
lightning to strike Baltimore american.
MERRIMAN-Did you hear that the Locks and
Canals Company had threat ened to bring suit
for damages against the Vesper Boat Club?
Graves-No! Is that soS What have the boys
been doing?
Merriman-Pulling up the river!-Lotoeu Citi-
zen.
The latest medical theory prescribes only two
meals day-One at the beginning and one at
end of the day. If people adopted this plan and
carefully avoided working between meals life
would be much easier. 1t is working so much
between meals that makes life so hard.-Nor-
1ctch Bulletin.
II HOPE the Colonel didn't seem at all annoyed
when you presented him with my account
Penwipe," said Mouldby to his confidential
clerk
"Oh, dear, no, sir he was as affabe as you
please, offered me cigar and glass of wine,
Cuen ne glanced over the Dill, nodded his head
pleasantly, said That will be all right rolled it
up and lighted his pipe with It," answered Pen
wipe, chirpily.-Fun.
A SIXTEENTH STREET LADY was calling on a K
street lady the other day, and small daughter
of the house kept walking around her and
studying her head ntently. Finally the caller
became so nervous she took the child in her
lap We'll, Fannie, " she said what is it? You
seem to be looking for something"
"Why-why," hestated the child, 81 was
looking for your other face"
What do you mean? 1 don't understand, "
said the puzzled visitor
"Oh, mamma said you were two-faced but l
don't see only one You haven't got two faces,
have your WASHINGTON Critic.
"Now, PARsoN" remarked the deacon of a
Leadvile, Col, church, to the newly installed
minister, "a hint between friends never hurts
nobody, and you don't want to forget to re-
member that your predecessor died of on-wee. "
of ennui, repeated the divine, interroga-
lively.
Yes of on-wee. 1t generally sets in, with
this congregation, long about the end of the
first half hour of the sermon, and the symp-
toms are mighty sudden. Now go ahead with
the ceremonies, and don't you forget that
Quarterstretch Jake is holding the time on YOU
in that Off corner there under the gallery
Puck
STORY is told of the heroism displayed by
Kentucky cUionef-a real colonel-who was out
soldering with the narrator During the absence
of the regimental surgeon one day. the colonel
was seized with a diligent discomfort in the
region of the sword belt, and ne was advised to
drink scoundrelly potion compounded of tur-
pentine and water He took 1t down with never
wink. How did you like it?' asked the
major, with mock solicitude
BAH 1t is nothing said the hero Of the
performance as TRANQUILITY as he would have de-
scribed the loss of leg by a cannon-shot; Il
could drink it without the turpentine. -NdSIa-
UtLIe american.
ACCOUNTED FORA teacher in one of our pub
lie schools has been much annoyed by truancy,
and has recently enforced the rule that her
scholars, on their return 10 school after any alb
sence, must bring her note stating in full the
cause of such absence, and the exact length of
its DURATION said note to be in the handwriting
of parent or guardian The following is a note
brought by one of her pupils after two weeks
absence:
Louisa was absent monday, please excuse
her.
Louisa was absent toosday, she had sore
tbrote
Louisa was absent wensday, she had sore
throte
louisa was absent thursday, she had sore
throte.
Louisa was absent fryday, she had a sore
throte
Read this over agen for the next week
-HdrperS' Bazaar.