River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1888-05-10
MADISON HASH

l hlAD4OON f1A2f1
ED. JOURNAL. As YOU are vel
aware that this is The hub of the state
l can easily conceive that you have a
continued anxiety To know what sort
/ of things revolve around it and center
in it. Well your correspondent re-
wolves around somewhat, although be
| cannot properly be called a revolver.
/ and he centers here too, but as that is
| OF little real consequence to anyone
| except his boarding house keeper, we
will confess that there are more i'm.
portant things TO talk about. For in.
stance. the Democratic Convention
| conferred hero as you are well aware,
and resolved itself to be an exalted
body of masculine virgins, and repeat
ed the declaration numerous times I'M.
| tIl they almost believed il. said con-
ventiOn revOlved also around their
great President as the centerpOst OF
their political worship, and besides
revolving they resolved that he is about
the biggest thing they know of and
| this was unanimous except one. and
he proposed that Frankie Folsom
Cleveland should get there quick by
Jupiter with great applause, and don I
forget it.
That convention knew its business
however, for 1t just made a bold dive
for the money bag in every direction,
and for the foreign vote in every
other direction. They were evidently
fishers of men and believe the iIsh will
bite although the hook was baited be-
fore their eyes. 1t was a fine looking
body of men, and the speeches made
were. from "A democratic standpoint,
good, except when the tariff was tack
led and then a glazing ignorance of
the subject was revealed, and the SO
called arguments were but boOmerangs
which harmed those who used them
more than the opposition.
The Grand Lodge of United Work
men of Wisconsin assembled here last
week, and filled the hotels SO that to
get a meal was a sort of cdtch-aS-c catch
can game, but your humble servant
found his regular hash all right. The
United WOIkmen were a fine, level
headed appearing body. from all over
the state, and evidently knew what
they came for.
Before you go to press the State
Republican Convention will have met,
selected delegates TO the national con-
Yention at Chicago where the next
President is to be nominated, and adj
journed to enjoy the satisfaction of
having taken one important step
toward restoring The government TO
the hands of its friends, and reducing
the surplus that now occupies the
Presidential Chair.
We were happily reminded of the
little city on the hlnnickinnic last
week by being pc, ted TO exchange
shakes with sheriff Lord and eX-alder-
man Foster who paid brief visits to
the hub OF the state. We are not an
old resident of the Falls but it is al
ways pleasure to meet its citizens, as
it would be equally pleasurable to con-
fer any favor in our power on those
who are from my home town.
1t is seldom anything very exciting
occurs to disturb the serenity of this
placid city, but to-day there was d.
gression. \ young. robust specimen
of the genus homo falling TO find salts
faction in this vale of tears, tiled to
shake off this mortal coil by boring a
hole in his manly bosom with ball
from 81 caliber revolver. A little
after one o'clock p. NJ. party of gem
tlemen of which your humble servant
was "A factor stood in the main hall of
the state house picking their teeth
after the noon hash hour, when a sud-
den report was heard in the direction
of the south wing of the building re-
semblng the report of some kind of
gun. followed Immediately by grOans,
A rush was made from every direction
toward that point, and it was soon
discovered that a man bad been shot,
for there he lay bleeding, with the
pistol on the floor few feet from HIM.
DR.. jackson was the first man to reach
Tie suicide lwhO was not very dead
YETI and asked him in the presence of
the crowd, if he shot himself. TO which
he answered, yesl The ball hole was
found in the right breast, and appear
ed to be serious at first, but as no blood
was discharged from the lungs by the
mouth the Doctor concluded that the
ball had gone IN the direction OF the
shoulder, having been fired with the
left hand as the man stated, which
would lead to the belief that the pistol
was held obliquely pointing outward
somewhat. Tie police were called
and conveyed the patient to the hos
pitai. The reason given by the man
Tor the act was. want of work and
discouragement." He gave his naue
as August Schuster, of Ableman Sta
ton, Wis. 1t was a bold attempt to
shake off the mortal coil, but the coil
dldn { take to the operation very kind
H. = Z 1...
man. Ii is supposed he attempted to
shoot his heart but did not know
where he kept that part of himself, so
tired at his manly bosom supposlng 1T
was chock full of heart, or that the
ball would find il If he turned one
loose inside of himself. Now most Of
folks know that the human heart in
most people is not carried near the
right shoulder, aud this mans mis-
take was that Ire did not study anatomy
few days before he fought dnel
with himself. From our view of the
matter, we cannot see what on earth
man wants to shoot himself full of
holes for. and go round weltering in
his own gore, with the view of bid
ding adieu to this mundane sphere,
before he learns enough about him
self to decide whether he has any
vital spots or not, and if SO how many
and where they are.
The weather is sour with an east
wind and rain, still all nature smiles
like a politician before election and
looks twice as green. The birds sing
their spring poetry among the branches
of the budding trees any time they
want to, where no independent son of
man dares to modest or make them
afraid, and the tOiling husbandman
signs on account of the over supply of
aqueous fluid, and further the depo-
uent sayeth not. Doc.