Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1888-03-07

Oo
"Here's that whisky and it's frozen as
solid as a rock"
"Now
"Try it and see."
The groceryman took a stick and jabbed
away until satisfied that such was the case
and then said: -,
"Well, it's queer, and I'll make it all
right. That must have come from the
barrel that I sell for medicinal purposes"
ONE EXPERIENCE ENoUGH.-'Maria,"
said Mr., Wipedunks, as he came in and
threw a folded document on the table, II
have just insured my life for 5000 in your
favor. There is the document"
.Thank you, Bilkerson," said Mrs.
W%ipedunks, ST hope it may be many
years before it will be of any use to me-"
sit will be of much use to you If you
wish to marry again" he groWled. with
$1,000 in cash you can pick out almost any
fool you like"
mo, Bilkerson," she replied affection
ately, 1T think I should want a change
next time:"-@ieego Tribune:
TINE ENOUGH TO L1E.-There is a
young man studying law in a Texas law
yer's Office, and the young man is not very
regular in his habits. Yesterday the old
lawyer said:
aWhy didn't I see you in court yester-
day. ,ou r0o.on T
was confined to my room with the tooth
ache" was the response of the inclplent
Blackstone.
"Come, now" said the lawyer good nat
uredly, s'you have plenty of time to lie
after you have passed your examination
and been admitted to the bar"
WITH U A SINGLE THoUGHT.-"1
have to thank you for the pleasant even
ing. Miss Bilderback, said young Peckln-
paugh, at II. 80 O'Clock, as he rose to go. u
have scarcely felt as if I were an acquaint-
ance until this evening, but now it almost
seems as if T had known you for years."
81 was about to make the same remark"
murmured the young lady, with her eyes
on the clock. sit does, indeed, seem d
long me."-Chicago Tribune.
A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH.-Lit-
tie Nellie-"Ma, is the baby very tick"
Motherhood very, Nellie"
HE isn't likely to die, is he?" .,,
"Oh, no. You wouldn't like your little
brother to die. would you?" .
"Well, n-no,' ma with just a tlnge OF
hesitation. I wouldn't like him to die, OF
course, but still, ma, when Willie Wafie's
little brother died he didn't have to 60 to
school for a whole week.
A FRIEND IN NEED.-Bobby (Whisper-
ing)-"Didn't I hear Clara tell YOU, Mr..
Featherly, that she was sorry, but she real
ly couldn't give you a lock of her hair?"
Featherly-"'Sh, Bobby !-er-yes."
Bobby-"Well, you just wait a day or
two, and I'll get some for you when she's
out.-Harper's Bazaar:
A CHANCE FOR H FOoL-kILLER:-
Husband (impatiently): "If the fool killer
would strike this town he would find plen-
ty of work to do"
Wife: us there such a person, dear""
Husband "Of course there is"
Wife with anxiety: swell, I do hope,
John, that you will be very careful"
his oficeS"I came across a lot of your
love letters to-day, dear, in n of the
trunks up stairs. All, John, how you did
love mel" Husband-"Yes, indeed. Is
dinner ready? Pm as hungry as a
tramp"
s6- "Pat" said a Rhode Island republic
can mill.owner, "don't you vote the dem
ocratic ticket. 1t is a free-trade ticket.
III THAI DdEGN WluS, SOUl WdSCo ~ w
duced one-half." "Devil trust We now"
exclaimed Pat. "If that's so you'd vote
it YOURSELF"
LIVED on ONE ANoTHER.--Bobby:
"Ma, wasn't there anybody left in the
Garden of Eden after Adam and Eve were
turned out"
Mother: "No, Bobby"
Bobby (after thought): SWELL, who fed
the animals"
s6- A small boy surprised his teacher at
one of the grammar schools recently, by
asking her how far a procession of the
Presidents of the United States would
reach if placed in a row. On her express
ing her ignorance, he calmly announced,
'From Washington to Cleveland"
UNFORTUNATE REsULTs.-She-! hear
that you have lost your valuable little dog
Mr.. Sissy.
He-Ya'as, in a railroad accident. /
was saved, but the dawg was killed.
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES a pity!
AND He WAS PLEAsED.-Her Cousin
I must say, Emma, that you've grown
quite handsome. There, now, can't you
give me a compliment in return?
His Cousin-Well, I should say that you
were a gentleman of most excellent taste.
THE CANDID FRIEND.-Fritz married
a very ugly girl, and on meeting his friend
Rudolph, the former asked:
"How do you like my wife's looks?'
"Jeewhilikins! She must have a lot of
money!" replied the candid friend.
A DoUBTING THoMAs.-Teacher-"With
the exception of the animals Noah took
with him into the Ark, every living thing
persisted in the flood"
Doubtful Tommy-"The fishes, too"
On THE CoURT'sM ERCY.-Judge: "Mad-
anne, what is your age?"
She: "Your Honor, I leave that to the
mercy of the Court"
p- Farmers Wife-Will you be seated?
Tramp-With pleasure, ma'am. Your
next door neighbours dog has just unseated
me.-NeW Haven NeUs.
HB- SIS this the mail carr" asked a pas
n Eyes, SIR" replied the humorous
conductor, "this is the smoker"
nag It amt de man dat is hard ter whup
dat gins YOU de mos trouble. 1t is de fell
Iar dat WON'T Stav WhuDDe1.