The morning news., 1888-07-26
THE CHAMPION ECONOMIST.
Tho Widow Practiced His Pet Virtue
and So Caught him.
From a. AlRansalr NrnreIer.

From the A,hdnsatc Tidreler.
a Traveller in Kentucky who had stopped
and begun conversation with sQuint-
eyed old fellow who was cutting briars
and sassafras sprouts out of the fence
corners, pointed to house some distance
away and asked:
"Who lives over there"
''The Widder Bradley the farmer re-
piled, ''an' do reckon that she's a little the
peartest woman in the neighborhood. She
fust married Pete Bradshaw. Pete he died, =,
and the widder was putty much grlef-struck.
She had little money, and she hired a
stonecutter to chisel out n monument for
Pete, agreein' to furnish the rock herself
The cutter went to work, but as want in a
very big hurry, the widdar she tucl, a likin
TO fellar named Sandy Smith an married
him. Then she told the cutter to Jest chip
along at his lezur' an he done so. 1t WANT
long after this that Sandy got leatle full,
fell often the foot log INTO tie BAYOU and was
drowned. The widder had him dug out
and buried beside Pete an then went to the
cutter an told him to put one moro name
on the monument She mOped around fur
some little time an didn't pear 10 enjoy
her vidutS very much, but arterw'ile thar
come along a feller named Nose Bradley
Nose he made dead set at the wilder, an
she tuck him, she did. About month arter
LnlS NOSE ne run AlOul NV q plZen sort
Nv irresponsible feler an was laidsout
The widder was nightly crushed, bein' NV
a powerful tender natur but urged ON by
her strong business instincts she got on a
mule, rode over to the stone cutters house
an calling the Teller out to the fence axed
him eff that ar monument was done.
"'Not quite the feller lowed, ez he
breshed some limestone dust outer his whis-
kers.
"'Wall.' says she, have you got room on
the readin' side NV it fur or nuther manner
81 reckin ken 'comerdate you, madam
said he.
"'Wall, then" she lowed, Jest put
Nose Bradley on thar in ez good shape ez
you KEN
''He done it, an the wilder she put up
the monument over all three of the felers
an had those here words cut one side: Here
lies the bodies NV my three tender an lovin'
husbands Now, sir" the farmer added,
as he struck at lizard with his briar-
hook, do you know whut sort Nv break
I'm goin' to make"
Cant say that l do" the traveller re-
piled.
"rl tell you. Pm goin' to marry that
widder"
''She must be very attractive
"No, she amt, nuther.n
Has money, suppose"
"No.n
''rhen why do you wish to marry herr7
'On account OF her political economy.
You see her husbands wuz mixed up more
or less in politics, an woman that makes
one monument do fur three politicians is
the female critter that I'm after | reckon
l love economy better'n any man in the
world. Some folks likes music an some
air fond NV barbecued shoat; some like
liker, an some like a good boss, but Jest
give me economy, ef you please. Eff I'd
got all the economy | wanted | would have
been wuth suthin' to-day. | married the
most 'stravagant woman | ever seen.
Do you know what the woman would
do? I've know'd her to buy five yards an
ha'f NV calico to make a dress outen,
when she oughter knowd that five yards
was enough. An eat WY, have know'd
! her to sit at the table an eat fu fifteen min
utes at stretch. Yes, an she got so tony
toward the last that she wanted sugar in
her coffee. l argued with her, did; | told
her that ten minutes after she had drunk
the coffee it wouldn't make no difference
whether it had been sweetened or not, but she
would have her way. She broke me up, that's
what she done. Wall" he added, as he
reached with his briar hook and turned
over a toad, 'pm goin' to marry that wild
der, an ef she dies on my hands I'll bury
her ez clost to that monument ez kin an
git that stone cutter to gouge out another
name"