The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-03-21
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Sign for a money lender-Lucre herel
Gentlemen learning the cornet should
employ private tooters.
Miss Columbia was the first girl to get
a New Jersey. PittsbUrg Chronicle.
An awkward waiter frequently plays
the deuce with the tray.-Hotel Mall.
The pen is mighty engine, and it
sometimes runs away with the engineer.
- Chicago Times.
The BARRIERS is a strange profession.
You seldom see one that is not at the
head. -,Statesman.
Says the New Haven Ne,cs: "a foot
rule--wear overshoes." We should call
that two-foot rule. e.-NorriStO1on Hsrah.
When Dakota becomes a State it will
doubtless adopt as its coat-of-arms an
ear-muff couchaut and shiver rampant.
Graphic.
To bashful correspondent The first
thing for you to do is to pop the question,
the second to question the pop.-Bur-
lin9ton Free Press.
When Grecian athletes sought the field$
And nobly fell, in bravery utter,
They brought them home upon their shield
They bring them home now on a shutter.
Detroit Free Press.
We don't know whether to believe the
story that Mr.. Howells replied to person
who asked for a list of the best hundred
books: 81 have not written a hundred
books. "-LJs.
A girl who weighs 1870 pounds and has
$50, 900 in her own right, no matter how
homely, unattractive or cross-tempered
she may be- is worth her weight in gold.
Boston Courier.
The Boston Transcript knows of an
erudite clergymen who spoke of the un-
fortunate woman of Sodom as Lots
lady who was transformed into HEESissssA's'
lith of chloride of sodium. -
Their chaste sautes are not misplaced
When women kiss a friend or brother;
But of life's honey what waste
There is when women kiss each other.
Boston Courier.
Deacon Jones (to minister) -"The coll
lection this morning, Mr.. Goodman, was
gratifyingly large" Minister-''Yes,
deacon, | noticed quite number of
strangers among the congregation. -
Epoeh
Husband (groaning)-" rheuma-
tism in my leg is coming on again"
Wife with sympathy" oh, l am so
sorry, John. | wanted to do some shop
ping to-day, and that is sure sign of
rain. "-EpOch.
A lover who addressed a love-scented
letter to the object of his affections, ask
ing the young lady to become his partner
through life, inscribed on one corner of
the envelope, "Sealed proposals" The
result was he was awarded the contract.
A note from rural postolice in Ten
nessee reads: "Dear -: The reason
/ did MT latf when you laft at me in the
Post Offs yesterday was because l had
bile on my Ease and kant laff If l laff
she III bust. But l love you, bile or no
bile, laiI or no latf."
Nothing Serious. Miss Clara (tO
Featherly, who is making an evening
calD-"Poor little Bobby swallowed a
penny to-day, and we've all been so much
worried about it," Featherly somewhat
at a loss for words of encouragement
"Oh, Ter wouldn't worry, Miss Clara;
penny is not much. ."-Hayper's BGzdr.
The way some lovers cough and hem,
And seem TO lose their breath, aha!
You'd be inclined 10 pity them,
Thinking their trouble is the asthma
The way some maidens cough and hem,
You'd think their trouble is the asthma;
But It's not that which does all them,
They're only troubled with the ask mar
-GOodGUs Sun.