davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wichita eagle., 1888-06-17
Lifeless but beautiful Darby lay.

".
Before Mickey missed Darby his uncle
drove up to the door and invited him to
make short visit to Ponckhoclle. After
her son had gone and the breakfast dishes
were cleared away, Mrs. Finn went to the
6ty to have look at the pig. There the
awful reality dawned upon her - the
wrecked sly, the freed goat and the miss
ing pig. But when she found Darby in
the quarry she made no moan In fact,
she smiled and bore the body home in her
strong arms.
The next morning Darby was tried by
fire and was not found wanting, for his
Jacket assumed 4 rich brown color and the
savory smell that rose from the oven YVES
sufficiently appetiZing to make the tongue
of gourmet palpitate in his mouth, Then
Darby was put on a big plate and placed
in the oven. There were a number of
guests at dinner that day, among whom
were Mrs. Murphy, Mrs. Cronin. Mike
Welsh's wife, Patsey Corrigan's lass
Nancy, and tho one legged accordion
player ''as tinds tn railroad switch an
waves tn rid flag whin thare's COW On
the track"
Just as the guests sat down at the table
Mickey returned, but his mother gave
him plate in the kitchen for certain pru-
dental reasons.
Darby was indeed a beautiful sight, or
namented with sprigs of celery and with
q brand new corn cob III his mouth. If he
was lovely in life, he certainly presented
q very toothsome appearance i'll death.
Mickey drummed impatiently upon the
kitchen table with his knife handle, be-
cause, being the younger, he had to wait
until all the rest were served. But at last
a big piece of tenderloin was placed before
him. To his shame be it said, he actu-
ally neglected the potatoes on his plate,
aud asked for a second piece of Darby be-
fore he touched the potatoes.
It is with deep regret that the occur
renee is recorded, but Mickey's plate was
filled a third time, and in this instance it
was a choice cut from the plump ham of
his little protege. After he had been filed
20 repletion, after the buttons Of his vest
had been relieved Of dangerous pressure,
he leaned back in his chair with grease OF
his face and peace with all the world
look in his ewes. Then his mother turned
to him and said:
Mickey. did ye like tn dinner?'
"Yis, mother"
=
neck-jist a trife, dear?"
No, mother dear; couldn't ate it. I'm
full"
well, darlint, We won't be freckeneo if
tell We sometime"
"No, mother, viii not"
well, that piece o rib, an that bit aft
tn ham, an that piece O tn neck yer'e
Gfther attn ken off your Darby"
If bombshell had fallen at Efickey's
feet he could not have been more startled.
lie leaned forward in his chair, and big
tears ran down his checks and mingled
with the gravyin his plate Then he laid
his head down upon the table and wept as
if his heart would break. Bat his father
went to the closet and brought out new
bow and arrow, which he laid before his
son.
Half an hour later there was q shout of
laughter in the backyard When Mr..
Finn went to the back door he saw little
Mike trying to penetrate sthe hide OF the
billy goat with an arrow.-New York
Evening Sun.
Wichita eagle., 1888-06-17

porcine sybaritef
Better far if thou but hadst the gaunt and hollow
flank,
The washboard ribs thy leanness as of yorei
Then began an awful struggle. Urged
by the billy, Darby was forced out into
the field and bowled over AID over down
the hill The billy attended strictly to
business. No sooner did Darby get on
his feet than he was called ON in most
forcibIe manner to lie down. When Darby
had once more got his trembling legs
under him he made one supreme effort and
ran up the hillside. His ascent was ma
terially assisted by the goat. But Darby
was going toward the lime quarryl In
headlong, laundering flight Darby rushed
madly on The bushes fringing the brink
of the precipice were parted By the mad
dened rush of thirty-five pounds of ami
mated pork. faint squeal rent the air
of the beautiful May morning. there was
dull and sickening thud on the rocks be-
low and
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-01-05
THE GEOGRAPHY LESSON.

The lesson of the day too often con-
sists in the repetition by rote of so
many sentences or paragraphs from
the class-book, which are seldom ex-
banded or made more attractive and
ineligible by elucidation on the part
of the teacher. Such instruction, if it
may be so called, is bad for the teach
er and worse for the taught. It is es-
pecially pernicious to the children in
the earlier stages of their geographic
cal studies, for it fortunes their men,
cries and brings no compensating adj
vantage. 1t fosters idlsness and list
lessness on the part of the teacher,
who, instead of eXerting their facul-
ties to invest the subject with living
interest, becomes for the time mere
machine, mechanically acting within
the limits prescribed in the class-book.
In dealing with the young we should
try TO feel ourselves young again, to
see things as they are seen by young
eyes, to realize the difficulties that lie
in the way of children's appreciation
of the world around them, to be filled
with an Astounding sympathy which
subdues all impatience on our side,
and calls out on the side of the child
rem their confidence and affection.
Mutual sympathy and esteem are a
pledge O. enduring success. To ce-
ment this bond of union between
teacher and taught there should be no
set tasks for some considerable time.
The lessons ought rather to be pleas
ant conversations about familiar
things. The pupils should be asked
questions such as they can readily an
swer, and the answering of which
causes them to reflect. and gives them
confidence in themselves and freedom
with the teacher. The objects in the
school-room. in the playground. on
the road to school, should be made use
of as subjects for such questionings,
with the aim of drawing out the
knowledge acquired by the pupils
from their own observation. Every
question should be one which requires
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-01-05
Carl Dunder's Sayin gs.

If hat bird in my handt I can eat
him. If he vhas in der bushes MAYBE
| go hungry.
If you vhas sure you vhas right go
aheadt some more midout shtoping.
Money makes der mare go off on a
gallop, but maybe she doan sthop until
she preaks her neck.
It vhas foolish to tell der sluggard to
90 to der aunt. He doan' 90 unless
you elf him free ticket on der shtreet
car, und den he vhas too lazy to con-
slider her ways.
If you can get out of shall to-day
doan' put him off till tomorrow.
Honesty vhas de best policy, but vhas
mostly practiced by men who gift a
heaping measure in order to hide der
badt fruit at der bottom.
Truth vhas mighty and must prevail,
but some folks thrive so wonderfully
well on lying ash to discourage honest
folks.
1t vhas saidt dat one-half der worldt
doan' know how der odder half Ifs.
Well, I like to find dot. half which
doan' know! Eafry womans knows all
about feefty families.
Money vhas der root of all evil. If
you doan' pellet him you go off some
where und lose your wallet
Bring oop schild in der vhay he
should 90 vhas all right, but how ish
dat vhay? Dot vhas where we doan'
see nit der same eyes.
When tieves fall oudt honest men get
their dues-in some horns. If der
lawyer leaves anything for anybody to
get | like to see him!
Dere vhas some good fish in der sea
after you catch some oudt, but dot
who meier get bite when dey go fish
inc.
Der blossoms always come before der
buds vhas beautiful saying, but
What we vhas all after vhas der fruit.
One big apple vhas worth a thousand
blossoms.
We should be honest, efen if we die
in der poor house-and dot vhas der
place where most of der honest men
die. [ like some poor widow womans
to get her lost money back, but maybe
nopody saw me pick it up!
Break to-day und buy tomorrow
vhas awful true. 1t means dot my hired
girl can preak all my dishes und make
me buy some more, und it doan' cost
her a cent.
Der wicked man shumps oafer a
fence und runs off when no policeman
vhas after him, but der man who robs
der widow und orfan Ifs in a big brick
house on der avenue, und doan' be
afraid of nopody.-DetrOI Free Press.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-01-05
A Distinguished Family.

so your sons are all through
college, are they?" asked Mrs. Smiley
of Mrs. Lofty.
Eyes, indeed" replied Mrs. Lofty,
''the dear fellows! [ am so proud of
them! Each of them made his mark.
Only think of it! George won the gold
medal for being the best polo player in
his class"
''Indeed"
ooh, yes; and Harry was never
beaten once at lawn tennis during the
last two years he was in college. He
has ever so many badges and medals"
"How gratifying to you"
Indeed it is! And my son viii
went ahead of his whole class at base
ball, and is regarded as the most
promising first base the college ever
turned out! We are all so proud of
him! But all our hopes are conferred
in our son Leo, who graduated two
years ago. He has come out winner
in every boat race he roWed; and only
think of it, we used to really fear that
it was a waste of time and money to
send him to college at all. He seemed
soindifferent about college education.
But he has turned out grandly! We
are so proud of all our boys. "-Detroit
Free ireSS.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-01-05
A Salt Monopoly.

Ia Italy, salt and tobacco are gov
eminent mOnopolIes, and the person
who sells them has to display the royal
arms over the door, and is obliged to
sell postage stamps'and stamped con-
tract paper.
The salt monopoly is very hard on
the people. The salt comes from the
government works in Sardinia, and is
sold for export at one centesimo or
kilo, while the Italians had to pay
sixty-six centesimi for the same
amount. SO much was said of the
hard effect of this tax on the people,
Of the increase of scrofula, pelagra,
and such terrible scourges, that about
year ago the government reduced
the price of salt to forty-four confines
a kilo. 1t is needless to say that salt
smuggling is a regular business. The
Swiss buy it for one centesimo kilo,
load it on the mems backs and send
them on weary tramp over the
mountains to carry it back to Italy.
But the salt dealers in Italy can only
buy certain amount Of salt at time
and their stores are liable to be visited
and weighed at any moment by the
custom officers,-and then woe be to
the man who has more salt than he
has bought! In the country keepers
of cattle are permitted to buy from
the government a certain kind of
coarse salt, but they must have a GER
tiicate showing how many animals
they have to care for. The peasants
often boil and evaporate this salt for
family use, but if they are caught at
this illicit stilling heavy fines and i'm
prisonments await them. -Marie Coz
gaLdi, IN Good Housekeeplaq.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-01-05
Buffalo Bill and Albert Edward.

Colonel Cody, otherwise Buffalo Bill,
owns to be worth $4,000 and he
says that his partner, Salisbury, is
worth half a million. Regarding the
Prince of Wales, Colonel Cody said:
The Prince has been very kind to me.
He is a good man. He is kind, thought
full and good friend. If he likes a
man he sticks to him. He is man of
whom you can ask a favor. l sent
word to him the other day of my plans
of going to Manchester, and lie wrote
letter to one CT the most important
men there indorsing me and my enter
tainment, and also sent a dispatch.
He gave me, last summer, a very
handsome pin. | do not wear it, be-
cause l hold it too choice for that. 1t
is in my safe now. 1t is in the form
of a horseshoe, with diamonds and
rubies alternating. and with the three
feathers of the Princes crest set inside
the shoe"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-01-05
Telephoning by Proxy.

Herr Muller, the manufacturer, had
returned from his honeymoon trip.
and after week of connubial bliss in
the new home he woke to the neces
sity of attending to his business, anG
so with heavy heart he said good-by
to his little wife and proceeded to his
office, situated about a mile from the
house. The long hours of separation
from the partner of his joys and sor.
rows were, however, severe trial to
his fortitude, and he hit upon the
expedient of connecting the house anC
his place of business by means of 2
telephone wire. And now sweet
words Of tenderest affection were ex-
changed between the loving couple
every hour of the day. A week later
the work of the Office became more ab-
sorbing, and our manufacturer felt
himself obliged to put a stop to this
waste of time; besides he began to find
that Ludmilla's caioleries were grow
ing somewhat tedious and common
place. But he would not have his
wife suspect this for the world. His in.
ventive genius found way out of the
difficulty. There was an old servant
of the firm, Herr Kobes by name, al
most past work. but retained to dc
odd jobs about the place. He was a
queer old bachelor, with a red nose
and a romantic turn of mind; for he
was an adept at whispering soft moth
ings in the ears of young ladies, and
fondly imagined the whole of the fair
sex were in love with him. Besides,
the tone of his voice had a striking re-
semblance to that of his principal
Herr Muller gave this man certain pri-
vate instructions, and next morning
Herr Kobes was duly installed at the
telephone and engaged in an amorous
conversation with his invisible part
ner, while his principal was busy with
his correspondence. Quite contrary
to Muller's expectation, Ludmilla APP
peared to take increasing delight in
her husbands conversation, and the
apparatus was kept constantly going.
The manufacturer could now attend to
his affairs without interruption, while
at the same time his wife had no rea-
son to complain of his GOODNESS. This
state of things was highly satisfactory,
One day, having business call to
make in the neighborhood of his dwell
ing-house, he left the office earlier
than usual, quite oblivious of old
Kobes and the telephone, and after he
had done his errand he went straight
home, as it was hardly worth while re-
turning to the office at that late hour.
But what was his astonishment on en-
tering the room to see his wife sitting
on the sofa deeply absorbed in the
latest novel, and at the telephone busy
talking with the gentleman at the Of
fice-Babette, the old cook!-FLiegende
BL0etter.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-01-05
California Dogberries.

A Justice of the Peace who resides
something less than fifty miles from
San Jose, and who also holds the hon
orabIe and lucrative Office of notary
public, transacted couple of little
jobs in his notarial capacity the other
day which entitle him to especial men
ton. The first was to take the ac-
acknowledgements of his wife to her sig
nature to deed. He certified under
his official seal that ne examined her
separate and apart from her hus-
band" etc. This was pretty good,
but the following day he eclipsed the
record by officially certifying an ac-
acknowledgements of his own signature
to mortgage. This takes the shine
off of the Santa Clara clergyman who
some years ago performed his own
marriage ceremony. The Justice of
the Peace who committed man for
''the crime of insanity" must look out
for his laurels.-S0n Jose Mercurg.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-01-05
In Morte Inmutabilitas.

Over the westward seas, on the misty KIM
merriam Shorthand,
Where IL the asphodel meadow Persephone's
myriadS wander,
Many Il fleeing form of beloved Achaian
companions,
Many a stateler shade of the dim traditional
fOretime,
Greeted the exile Odysseus, and Heracles'
eidolou with them,
Less than a ghost, for the hero himself, at
banquet forever
Sits with his bride, young Hebe. among the
Olympic immortalS!
Memory. gray old warder, throw open thy
portal in welcome
Wide to the dead, our dead! They loved US
we'll in the sunshine;
Death can but make US securer from change,
and loss, and oblivion.
Not the departed we dread, but only the
wrath of the living!
Bright is the sparkle of love in their eyes,
that shine upon others!
Nectar is theirs, and ambrosia; they heed not
the loss of our kisses.
See thou admit not ghost that casts on the
threshold a shadow!
Atlantic Monthly.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-01-05
Filling Holes in Woodwork.

A correspondent of mechanical
paper who has evidently had exper-
fence in q cabinet-making shop, rec
ommends sawdust or raspings of hard
and soft wood for filling the cracks
and worm holes in old furniture. I
learned their value, he says, IN my
younger days from the oriental car
penters. You should sift them through
wire guaze. Put each separately in a
box with a label and you are always
ready for a sudden job. I have
another box for bits of every kind of
wood. For crack, a worm-eaten
hole, or deep flaw, prepare the proper
dust, by the admixture of brickdust in
flour (also kept ready, or whiting OF
ocher, or any required tint. Then
take well-cooked glue, and on house
plate stir it in slowly while hot, with
sufficient powder for your work. Dab
the hole or crack with your glue brush,
then with a putty knife stir about the
mixture on the plate, taking care you
have the color. When sure on this
point. take some of the cement on the
end of the knife and insert it in the
desired place. Then use as much
pressure as you possibly can with the
blade, and keep smoothing at it.
Sprinkle little of the dry powder on
the spot. When thoroughly dry,sand-
paper the surface with an old used
piece, so as not to abrade the Joint
Y on can then varnish the mending.
Where weevil and wood worms have
devoured the furniture, cautiously cut
out the part till sound place is
reached. Poison the wood with
solution of sulphate of copper injected
into the hollow. Let it dry. Cut an
angular piece of same wood from your
board, and with sharp chisel make
a suitable aperture for its reception.
Fix it with glue, When thoroughly
dry, work with carving tools or rasp
and glass, scraping till the new bit of
work exactly matches the old.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-01-05
Queer rheumatism.

A young peasant woman from a vii
lage near Nagasaki, Japan, has new
theory and cure for rheumatism.
rheumatism, according to her, is a
growth of small parasites under the
skin-a small insect that gnaws and
bites and causes the untold misery and
all the twinges of that ailment. She
has had for one of her patients here a
grizzled and skeptical sea captain.
The mariner was completely laid up
with his ailing knees. and the Japanese
woman, claiming to see the movement
of the parasites under the skin, or
dered footballs of bran and hot rice
brandy, and came another day with a
little steel hook and nipped small
white insects out by the dozen. By
the stories it must be a large white
flea. for one of them, when brought
out to the surface, made a spring that
was lost to sight. One of the BY
ISLANDERS felt sting. and the next day
had sore place on his arm, and, cut
ting into it, it was found that the
rheumatism bug was there. burrow-
ing like Il tick.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-01-05
The "Buck" and the Cabby.

At Bow street something was fur
tier heard of the "buck." This per-
son, as we learned from a case heard
week or two ago, is the sham fare
whom cabby drives past the police
in order to get up to the theatre doors
out Of his proper turn, and SO increase
his chance of securing legitimate
fare. Inquiring into the habits OF the
"buck," the police find that when not
on duty in the interior OF the cab he is
given to riding on the spring. This is
in itself a breach of cab regulations,
and it is apparently by watching for
this offense that the police now pro-
pose to make an effective raid upon the
..hucks. ''-L0fld07s DaiLQ News.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-01-05
SiIenced by a Parrot.

There is very wise and discreet
parrot hanging before fruit store on
Woodward avenue, Detroit-a parrot
which was never known to speak a
word out of season or to say a word
that had not significance.
a few days ago two young men from
out of town were passing the store,
when one of them noticing his parrot
ship, asked:
DO you think that bird is alive,
Tom? See how quiet it is"
Then for the first time Poll moved,
just enough to cock his right eye at the
speaker aud remark, in rather stri-
dent tone:
From the country! from the
country
The young men collapsed.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-01-05
ImDOrtant to Hunters.

az want to do little hunting this
winter, and | would like to examine
some of your guns" said Texas MINI
~od, entering a gun store.
''Would you like to see some OF our
muzzle-loaders?"
mo, thank you. Iprefer a breech-
loader"
Yes; they shoot much more rapid
ly."
81 don't care for that, but you see l
had an old muzzle-loading gun once.
1t went off at the breech and nearly
blew my head of. Instead of a gun
that loads at the muzzle and fires off
at the breech, prefer one that L can
load at the breech and fire off at the
other end"