Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-08-09
ANILn WESTERN WEDDING.
Effective Coupling of a Wyoming Pair by a
,Justice or the Peace

Justice or the Peace.
It appears that one Jones Burton had
been chosen justice of the peace of one
of the small Wyoming towns, lot be-
cause he had any special quaIiicat ons
for the Office, but on account OF his per
sonal magnetism, which had st1-t all
those qualities which go to -: the
yellow dog thing of beauty 49,. . Joy
forever to the lovers of pure cussedness.
Among other functions of his Office, says
the Yonkers Statesman, Hon. Jones ooe
day found himself called upon TO join in
the holy bonds Of paddock, as matrinony
is sometimes called In the west, raw
young couple from up the country.
His honor was appalled, at the situation.
| He could commit a horse thief to the gal
| lows with all the elegance and i'm pressive-
ness of manner which that act demanded.
He could sentence man TO Jail for life
| for holding five aces in his hand at pok er
| without turning hair, but as for 'mar
| ryin' " folks, he wasn't in it be goshtle-
nifty. But as justice of the peace, he
had to do it, and his perturbation was
dreadful to witness.
About an hour before the ceremony
was to take place the correspondents, &C
companied by one of the leading citizens
of the place, Mr.. Stiles, was sent TO the
| so uire's cabin and found him porting over
large volume of the statutes of Wyo-
ming, sweating like horse, and looking
terribly anxious. After greeting the
callers he said:
"SS1les, the derned galoots that got up
these yer laws hadn't gum ption enough
to last them over night. I've run through
the blamed book half dozen times an
can't find a dod-olasted word about mat
rimony, or how she hitchin' process is
proceeded with. I've just got to put the
clamps on this couple, hit or miss, and Of
| don't yoke 'eHn ell right l cannot help
it."
CON-" said Stiles, ,"just do the best you
can. Any kind of a ceremony will do in
this country, for people Dever question
the legality of the thing. I'll post you
Ill right"
Stiles then explained to him about how
he should proceed and the old man
thought, finally he would worry through
it. Ere long the couple appeared, follow
ed by crowd of the citizens of the
camp. The candidates stood up before
the squire, who said:
"Feller citizens, this var man an this
var woman have appeared before this
court to be hitched in the legal bands O.
wedlock. If any gaioot in the mob know
anything that mout block the game of
TUX to higher court, let him now foot
his bazOO, or else keep his jaw to him.
self now and forevermore. All in favor
of me proceedin' as authorized by law,
say L."
Everybody said aye,
"Contrarg, no."
Nobody said no.
"The motion is carried unanimously,
an the court rules that thar amt nothip'
to prevent the tryin' of the case. Grip
your fms" The candidates joined hands,
"Amos Peabody, do you solemniy swar
you'll freeze TO Mandy for ever and ever.
That you'll love and provide fer FER, and
treat her square aad white, accordin' to
the rules and regulations sot down to
govern SIGH leases in the laws O. the Uni
ted States, SO help you God?"
"Yaas sir, | do, sir"
"That fixes your end of the bargain.
Mandy Thomas, do ye solemnly swar
that yen hang on to Amos for all comm
time: that yen nuss him in sickness and
be squar TO him in wellness; and be to
him a good, true, up and up, wife, under
this penalty prescribed by the laws for
the punishment of SIGH offenses, do you
swaE it, so help you God?"
81 swar will"
"Then by the power in me vested as
justice o. the peace, in an fer this pre-
cinct, l pronounce you, Amos Peabody,
husband, an you Mandy Thomas, wife,
an legalize ye to remain as such now an
forevermore; and yen stand committed
till the fees and costs in the case be paid
in fDn ON hou
souls, an bless this union with His heat
tiest blessing"
The fees and costs were adjusted, and,
after receiving the congratulations of the
assembly, the newly-made husband and
wife departed to their cabin up the
creek.