The Bottineau pioneer. (Bottineau, N.D.) 1885-1895, 1888-09-27
A MINISTER'S FUN.

"Dur1ng q twenty years experience
d the work Of the ministry. have
net with the most laughable scenes
where one would expect nothing but
,hurchlike solemnity," said . well
Known minister to q Kansas City
Star reporter.
81 have stood BY the sick and the
lying andhavese seen incidents worthy.
# description BY q humorist's pen.
have stood at the marriage altar
Hhereth verya air breathed solemnity,
ind have with difficulty kept down
aughter over some ridiculous scene
II situation. A minister's life is full
# rich and happychanges, and ! pity
;he man who can pass through such
! life an exemplifcation Of a walking
tombstone. Poor man, he never
earned the secret of life!
/ was fresh from - theological
seminary, and had entered upon the
1uties Of my first charge at a salary
If $500 a year. Never shall / forget
those days nor the novel way one
brother insisted upon paying his
part of the minister's salary. This
lear, good pillar of the church kept
: small country grocery, and one
DAY, while making my pastoral call,
II stepped into the establishment Of
the brother to inquire after his
spiritual welfare. He motioned me
TO where he was seated, and after
finishing his pipe ofthe vilest tobacco
[ ever smelled, began:
/ amt much good anyhow, par
son, and don't deserve very large
share Of the kingdom, but durn me if
Idon't want to do the square thing
by you, SO I'll contribute $40, to be
paid in peanuts
Il took the first installment and
reiterated soon after, wondering all
the time what some of my young
ministerial brethren would say to
such q pastoral call
Gone night shortly after this I
made apastoral call at the home of
the young lady who afterwards be-
came my wife. While there an ignor-
ant, but good meaning, country fell
low cameto the door aud asked for the
minister, saying he understood that
parsonage a there. He was invited
in and / was called to meet him. At
ter blushing profusely and making
several Intellectual attempts to make
known his Grand he managedtosa
in broken sentences, with tears, as it
were, in his voice:
IL want tO-I-come to see you
abo-that is, whatWill you charge to
ma-marr-marry me?'
when informed that there was no
regular charge, that any donation
would be gladly received, he opened
his heart to the extent of a cord of
wood and the bargain was closed,
but what / was to do with such o
barter was q mystery to me.
ION another occasion at q social
meeting | had become quite eloq uent
in prayer, and Tn afraid lengthy. I
had prayed for the sick, the afflicted,
the absent ones, the heather at home
and abroad and had importuned
blessings upon everybody on the
earth, sea or in heaven, and reached
the now finally, Lord when an un-
thinking brother, whose heart was all
right, called out, 'Amenl amenl' SO
frequently and tho situation seemed
SO ridiculous that I brought my pc
tition to a most speedy close, even
more speedy than l had intended,
after the finally
"That was twenty-five years ago
in q small New England village, and
I've served better churches since then.
At one ofmyc city appointments I had
an experience in a wedding ceremony
that for an amusing. situation sur
passes anything / have ever seen.
The groom wanted o ceremony with
no break whatever, one Of the
smoothest of the smooth, SO
he borrowed my ritual to
pip up onthe questions and answers,
but by mistake he gothold of the
baptism covenant and committedthe
answers to it,. The wedding day ar
rived, So did the nervous groom with
his bride, and they walked up the
church aisle keeping step to the grand
old strains of Mendelssohn's wedding
march. / had a premonition Of
trouble. The ceremony began.
John, will you have this woman
to be your welded wife, to live after
Gods holy ordinance, to love and
cherish in sickness or in health Z"
81 renounce them ALL answered
John.
You're q fool said to him nm
der my breath.
"tAll this / steadfastly believe
came the answer and ditto a sound
ofsurppressed laughter from the audi
ence. There was a hurried CONVERSE
tion between John and me and / then
repeated the question, likewise the
answer to it and to all succeeding
ones.
AT another wedding the contract
ing parties were q young man, long
and lank, about twenty and Ave,
and q fat buxom widow about forty.
The ceremony was performed at the
parsonage, and on the chair behind
the couple was seated q small dog,
oil cur, as he proved, belonging to
the woman. As I was about to place
my hand on theirs already Joined,
preparatory to pronouncing them
man and wife, that dog Witha terrific
bark made o spring at me, andI was
compelled, for the moment toretreat.
chat reminds me of q similar