The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-09
MIR. DINGLES AND THE
 PLASTER.
Hartford Times.

DlOR le5 udA htuc uRSCh, anu nap pening to mention that fact in the will iage store the other evening, was in- formed of eleven different sure cures by eleven different individuals in as many minutes. Among the remedies recommended was one to the effect that plaster made of white pine pitch and applied to the affected part would work a cure in from one to three days. This prescription took Dingles' fancy. He believed that nature had remedy for every disease that flesh Is heir to, and if every man would be- come an experienced herbalist and study the effect of different herbs on different diseases and apply them il- telligently there would be no need of doctors and their bills, for every man would then be his own physician, which he had no doubt was the inten- tion of an all-wise Providence. Dingles is a prominent member of the village church, and brides himself somewhat on his flow of oratory and command of rhetoric.
 Next morning Dingles took an old, cracked, china mug and hatchet and went out into the primeval forest, and hacked pine tree until it yielded him enough pitch for his purpose. This he spread thinly on a piece of flexible leather, and, with the assistance of his wife, placed it where it would do the most good. Then he took his hand rake and went out into the garden to prepare 1t for the spring plcughing.
 The morning was warm, and as he worked his back underneath the plas- ter began to itch and burn, and Din- gles winked knowingly at an imagi- nary parsonage, and said:
 "That's the way with Dame Ma ture's remedies. They go right to work. Nothing homeopathic about them. Don't have to wait week be- fore you know what they are going to do."
 And he whistled merrily and said he felt as though he could jump a five-barred gate already.
 Pretty soon he began to perspire, and the plaster seemed suddenly to develop legs and feet and crawled all over his anatomy, till he felt like one huge court-plaster and his clothes stuck to him so that he could not stoop without choking. Then he leaned his rake against the fence and went into the house, with cloud on his usually sunny countenance.
 "My dear," he said to his wife as mildly as circumstances would allow 1; "my dear, there is something the mat ter with that ding plaster. It has evil dently cured my back, and is now me- andering around my manly form in search of other sore spots to heal, and will have to get you to help me cap ture it. think it is now under my right arm."
 Mrs. Dingles was dressing the baby, but she put him in his high chair and gave him his fathers decorated shaw ing cup, with Glove the giver" in- scribed on it in gilt letters, to play with, and went to the rescue. The cup had been given to MT. Dingles by an old flame before he was married, and Mrs. D. did not value it highly.
 Dingles had repaired to his cham Der and prepared for the ordeal. He viewed his unpleasant position in jocular light, and said, as he resumed recumbent attitude, face downward, across the bed, the better to facilitate Mrs. D's movements:
 "Although never deemed myself a vain man, yet certainly am stuck up."
 Here Mrs. Dingles, with a careless abandon that showed her entire ignor- ance of the business in hand, gave the adherent neither garment a sharp twitch, which caused DiDgles to ejac- ulate "Ohw with four exclamation points, and brought him to the per- pendicular with jerk.
 "What in thunder are you trying to do; hay me alive2" he shouted, with fire in his eye and fight in his voice.
 Mrs. Dingles, who is unused to be- ing addressed in that manner, looked frightened for moment, then burst into tears, and mid that he did not love her any more, and she would take her poor, helpless, innocent babe, and go out into the cold world and earn en honest living for herself and it, and not be burden to him any longer.
 This wss too much for Dingles. Her tears quenched the lire ofhis anger. He loves his wife and baby teDderly, and told her 90, and emphasized it in | way peculiar to married men when making up their little tifFs with their wives. He assured her that he was only fooling, and nid:
 '.Come, Merier, let's proceed with this little experiment in viyisection ;s bat for heavens sake, go slow"