Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1888-08-29

own. I eTtlle Iatuer regretted MS
counsel, when the honeymoon being
over, Mrs. Paul f. put an end to her
husbands smoking, the only "smau
vice" he had, and interdicted the use
OF tobacco to all his friends and ac-
quaintances. He attempted dining
there once or twice after the "happy
event." but cold mutton and colder
looks threw him back on his bache-
lor dinners at Parker's. Still the
friendship continued. and in any di-
lemma Paul always had recourse to his
old crony, rather than make a conf
dant of his wife.
One night, not great while after
the happy event which made Flexible
the most miserable dog In existence.
he was awakened about twelve by the
crash of military music in the street
before his house-nay. under his very
windows. loft in the stllly night"
was played in a very noisy manner by
a full band. Then came a song and
chorus with many references to
"happy pair" ''hearts and destiaies
united,'' etc.
"They can't mean usI" thought
Paul, with a sigh. There was a
pause-and then the musicians, TAX
ing breath, poured forth another strain.
There was no mistake about 1t now
the Apollo band were serenading Mr..
and Mrs Flexible. Flexible was pre-
pairing to spring out OF bed.
"What are you going TO do now?"
asked Mrs. Flexible.
ASK 'em in and give 'em something
to eat and drink" replied Flexible.
''Give 'em something to eat and
drink" calculated Mrs. F., snappishiy,
nj Of
house and home, If you'd let 'em. II
you've got any spunk, you'll call the
police and throw pitcher of water on
'eml''
Mrs. F." replied the gentleman,
with some faint show OF resolution, ~
think L know what the rites of hospI-
tality and the usages of society de-
mand. 1 shall prepare some refresh
ments for them"
"Go to sleep, and don't make fool
OF YOURSELF" retorted his better half.
''Or ask 'em in ii you please-they' III
get not nothing In this house-for
everything's locked up, and the keys
are where you won't get 'em In a
hurry
With a smothered groan, poor Paul
buried his head in the bed clothes, that
he might shut out the dulcet sounds OF
the wretched musicians. They played
and played-louder and louder-till
their energies were nearly exhausted,
and then the instruments seemed dy-
ingly to supplicate admission and re-
ward. 1t was all In vain, however;
Mrs. f. was inexorable.
The next day Paul narrated the
whole occurrence to Fertile, and begged
that he would apologize to the leader
| of the band.
Don't he afraid, my boy" said
Fertile. I'll get you off-I'll save your
reputatioR-let me alone for taking
care of my friends"
but what can you say to Mr..
| TooterPr
THAT'S my look out. Make your.
self perfectly easy. Yours till further
notice. By, by, Paul-love to Mrs.
F."
In the course of day or two, Fer,
tile encountered Mr.. Tooter, the leader
OF the Apollos.
"Tooter, my dear FRIEND" said he
''you know you serenaded Flexible the
other night?"
Yes said the musician, looking
very grave.
And you must have thought II
rather queer that he didn't ask you to
wood up etc"
Why said Mr.. Tooter, az musi
confess. thought 1t rather small OF
Flexible-and some of our fellow.
were outrageous about it.''
Certainly, certainly" said Fertile
"quite natural they should be. Now
the fact is-Step this way---I tell you il
confidence-conGdence mind you
that Flexible was drunk that night"
"Mr. FlexIblel'' exclaimed tht
leader, 81 never expected him Of
"Hushl o Lordl yes--so drunk b,
didn't know himself from a seventeen
dollar bIll-brought home by the watch
man---new married wife i'll hysterIcs--
shocking scene-domestIc drama-trutl
stronger than Hction-more things il
heaven and earth, HoratIo-your phil
osophy-you understand-keep it u
yourself"
Mr.. Fertile bowed himself away. The
next day, Paul met him.
"Well, Horace, have you seen the
leader?"
80, yes; L made it all right; tool
care of you, my boy-he won't thinI
any the worse of you for what Oc
curred.'
'My best friend "a thousand thanksl'
Nonsense, man; don't be senti
mental Whenever you get into
scrape, call on me; I'll get you out o
it. I'm ready 10 do as much for yol
!, any Time"
Mr Tooter informed the Apollos, Il
J confidence, OF the reason why MI
Flexible didn't ask them in. The
told their wives and sweethearts il
confidence; and so it soon got to be th
J town talk. 1t never reached the ear
of Flexible, however: he never knew
why Deacon DIckleberry cut him
why Mr.. Bluenose, who was president o
temperance society, refused TO trad
with him any more; and never knew
poor mani that one of the most benev
olent brokers upon State street said O
him:
FLEXIBLE Is good natured, well
meaning man---it's pity he drinksl'