The Arizona sentinel., 1888-10-20
A SHOPPING EXCURSION.
Mr. Dusenberry's Trained Mind Plays Him
 Some Awful Tricks.

Mr. Dusenberry's Trained Mind Plays Him
 Some Awful Tricks.
 Been shopping for your wife, ehP" suavely asked the stranger.
 ''Yes," replied Dusenberry, as he glanced complacently at the packages upon his knees and on either side of him on the sea, of the car.
 Shopping is a terrible bore to me, nnd I never get any thing right" re- marked the stranger. You had every item written down, suppose?"
 ''Bless you, no" protested Dusen- berry. "I would scorn to do that. It would be admitting a weakness in my mental structure. have trained my self to depend entirely upon my mem- ory, and there isn't better school for the memory than a shopping excur- sion."
 And do you think that you have every thing that you were ordered to bring shade, the quality, the quantity, and all that?"
 ''Why, to, be sure!" declared Dusen- berry; ''got such matters down real fine"
 linen. sir, 1 envy you," commented the stranger, with sigh.
 When Dusenberry arrived at home with his parcels he could not make his boasting good. In fact he had made a memory played him falsely in every instance. His wife tried to be patient over it all, but she couldn't. There wasn't grace enough to offset the prove cation.
 ''What have you here?" she asked, catching at a large package. Hazel nuts? didn't order any"
 "I guess they are nutmegs, my dear, Dusenberry said.
 '.Nutmegs?n she almost screamed. "How many?"
 Hive pounds"
 ''Oh, you simpleton! Five pounds of nutmegs! I told you to bring three ounces"
 Ibid you, my dear? Well, thought there were a good many nutmegs, and they cost dreadfully."
 ''What's this?" she asked. "A yard of sateen. 1 told you five yards of satin. This is of no earthly use to me-" Can't you make bathing suit of it?" Dusenberry faintly asked, so "rat- tied" that he really meant it.
 Her proportions were none of the most insignificant, and so she drowned fiercely upon him.
 'I don't see the Lyons velvet," she said. No doubt you forgot it?"
 Maria, I didn't forget any thing. They hadn't any"
 "What! hadn't any?"
 ''Ycs, Maria Lyons was dead or had gone out of business, or some thing Of the kind, the clerk said"
 ''Oh, Dusenberryr' groaned she. ''How can you get off such an out rageous yarn like that? Stakes alive, man, what do you call thisP"
 ''It is a hair-pin, isn't it, my dear?" ''One big, ungainly, horrid-looking hair-pin! Oh, you parsimonious wretch! What do want with one hair-pin? The clerk must have thought you daft.''
 You said should bring you coarse hair-pin, Maria"
 "I didn't"
 My dear, let us not quarrel-but distinctly remember that you did"
 Nonsense, Dusenberry. You've got the worst memory of any man I ever knew. told you to write it all down, but you wouldn't. told you to bring me a gross of hair-pins. Not one coarse hair-pin, but twelve dozen of them.n
 ''Oh, see," Dusenberry said, as he rubbed the end of his nose. ''Gross. coarse; gross, twelve dozen. It wasn't a slip of the memory, my dear. It was merely a miscomprehension."
 His wife found fault with every pur- chase, and he felt deeply humiliated, and all the more so when he recalled his boastful speech to the stranger. The last article unwrapped was bot tie of castor oil
 ''Is this for yourself?" she asked. No, my dear," replied he; '.you told me to bring castor oil"
 ''Dusenberry, didn't"
 Maria, shall insist that you did. It's the last package, and surely one out of the lot ought to be right I'm trying my best, my near, to be patient, but-n
 You're trying to be patient! Oh, LOT! I've two or three bottles of castor oil in the house. don't want any, and didn't tell you to bring any" My dear, am willing to swear that you did" persisted Dusenberry. You must allow me to depend somewhat upon my memory. Iregret that it has narrowed down to question of veraci- ty between us, and I'll try to be patient. It was the last order you gave me. had already reached the street; you were in the doorway; you said to me"
 ''Yes, Dusenberry, remember" "Ah, 1 knew you would. You had ne down in the dust, but now I feel correspondingly elated. No doubt most of the other orders"
 Yes, you idiot, 1 remember! We were standing where you say we were. 1 did not say, bring bottle of castor oil. said. bring me bottle of oil for the castor.'" That's so, Maria" admitted Dusen-