Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-11-01
CARL DUNDER.

He Fails to Catch on to American Politics.
well, what's the matter with you?'
queried Sergt. BendalI as Carl Dander
limped into the station house the other
day and flung himself down on the near
est chair.
Sergeant, vhas here to bid yoa good
bye.''
"No!"
" L vhas going back to Shermany."
81 declare. What put that into your
head?"
81 vhas seek ind tired. I can't under
stand desc peoples. Nobody vhas two
times alike in Ameri;a.''
But you told me you were going to
run for alderman, and that you had
caught on to American politics."
dot vhas my droubles. I pelieve I
know all about her, but l know nuddinqs.
vhas going TO rnn for aldermans.
promise dot hay scales to feefty men. I
promised dwenty men dot dey shall be
janitor of der city hall. I promised
more as one hoonered fellers dot dey
shall work for de city for three dollars a
day."
"That was all right. That's the way
most of the candidates do"
eyes, but [ don't understand. Three
days ago a Teller comes in my place und
says vhas l Carl Dunder. [ vhas. Did
you promise dot eastern hay scales to my
brudder if he vote fer you? I did. Und
did you promise her to more ash twenty
udder fellers, too? I did. Vhell, you
vhas a fraud und a liar, und now you
take dot on DER nose! Und he gifts me
sooch thump DOT see more ash feefty
stars aroundt. How does il come dot
some Americans can work dot dodge und
be all right?'
"Weu?"
"Vhell, I told you der odder day dot I
promise more ash feefty men dat dey
snail be engineer of der city hall if dey
vote for me. In comes a man in my
place nit his hat On his ear und says was
[ Gail DuDder? [ vhas. Was you go
ing to run for some aldermans? I vhas.
Did you premise all my crowd dot each
DIG OF us would run der engines NIT der
city hall? did. Den, Sargent, he gifts
me sooCh blow on my mouth dot I cant
eat meat for seek months, ind When he
goes away he says dot forty more
fellers vhas to come after him. Some
American candidates can promise dot
shop to one hoonered fellers und be all
right. How vhas she?"
Il don't know"
'Und pooty quick a teller comes in my
place ind says vhas dot ouldt Ouch
mans who wants to be an aldermansP /
vhas. If L vhas elected he shall get all
der paving jobs und make lots of money.
He calls me liar und says I promise dot
same thing more ash two hoonerd times,
und he mops me on my floor und goes
away like lark. If it vhas some Ameri-
can candidate he vhas all peaches, How
vhas she?"
81 don't know"
''Vhell, efery day sompody comes und
calls me liar und says 1 should be
kicked. Efery day comes some Teller
NIT his hat on his ear und sharges me
NIT holding him oop for a sucker. My
boy Shake vhas scared away, my wife
Was seek abed, und hat to lock up my
place or be kilt"
"Its sad lines.'
"Und SO I guess I shall go back 30
Shermany. In DOT country vhas all
right. If a man sprachens to me in Sher-
man l know what he vhas. If he speaks 10
me In Yankee, maybe he makes a fool of
M, L like TO go by dot common conn
Gil und Be great man, but I can't stand
sooch racket. 1 vhas good enough
liar, but leave something else out all the
time ind der dear peoples tumble to me.
Farewell Sergeant. You vhas always TWO
times alike, und shall feel good by you
when I am far away. If you meet some
udder Dutchmans shust speak NIT him
und tell him to keep oudt of desc poll
tics"