Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1888-02-20

Wild peppermint grows to perfection
on thousands of swamp acres in Cal.
A country editor, having received a
gift of doughnuts, thanks the ''doughnor.
1t is a cold day for the poet when he
has no fuel in the house except his poetic
fires.
Nothing is too small to escape the no.
tice of the edtor-not even the man who
tries to get his paper for nothing.
1t is said to be unlucky to have thirteen
persons at table, but it is only to be fear
ed when there is barely food enough
for twelve.
chow are collections to-day?" asked a
man of bill collector. ''Slow, very
slow: can't even collect my thoughts, -
was the reply.
A correspondent writes, "Can you rec
ommend a really good book to take on a
brief outing to the Thousand Isles?" With
pleasure; the pocket-book.
We don't question the statement that
George Washington never told lie, but
mother what he thought of her cute little
baby.
Eastern man-Do you think that Bacon
wrote Shakespeare? Cincinnati mani
don't know as 1 ever gave that thought,
but just See what it has done for the city
of Cincinnati!
Then you do love me, Evaline?" said
he. Il do she murmured. 'And shall
1 speak to your pa?" he asked. mo, .
she rel lied, ''speak to your ma; pa ism t
of any account in this family"
fattened out the sea would be two miles
deep all over the world" If any man is
caught fiattening out the land, shoot him
on the spot. A great many of US can't
swim.
Farmer Bascom 81 do wish the thrash
ing machine would come around this
way" Johnny Bascom: ''Oh, pa, that
reminds me! Teacher wanted me to tell
you he was comm to our house to board
next week.
Johnny" said the careworn editor to
his only son, Il know you want to help
your poor old father with an item but I'd
rather you'd stay away from the pond till
the ice gets thicker. You may come handy
to feed the press.
A Maine paper defines sportsman as
"a man who spends all day away from
tur fnr p(l
shot, and comes home at night tired, hun
CRY and ugly, with frozen toes, dragging
fourteen-cent rabbit by the ears"
Counsel (impressively) Now, madam,
will you please explain what could have
| caused you to sleep so soundly that, as
| you allege, you did not hear the noise in
the adjoining room? Witness-A hard
| days worruk ,sorr, and clear conscience.
profound scientist says that nobody
need be afraid of a male wasp. This is
| quite encouraging. When gentleman is
stung by wasp after this he will know
at once that it is a female wasp. and he
can treat it with the courtesy and respect
due the sex.
Some one threw a cabbage at an Irish
orator, while he was making a speech
once. He paused a second, and said :
.'Gentlemen, only asked for your ears
don't care for your heads.' He was not
| bothered any more during the remainder
of his speech.
A Connecticut woman has embroidered
the words and music of clone, Sweet
Home" on linen sheet which is ON the
spare room bed. Her guests have not de-
cided whether the hostess means to indi-
cate that they must feel at home or had
better go home
''I'm a poor strolling player" groaned
seedy looking fellow to a gentleman on
country road, land do not ask for mon
ey, but only for some left-off clothes
my good man. rejoned the latter,
I'm sorry can't assist you. Times are
now so bad that wear my left-off clothes
myself"