davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01
A Joke on tho Judge.

Ex-Judge William P. jerks, of
Brookville, has been in the city all
the week attending the Supreme Court.
A good story is told of him while he
was on the bench of Jefferson county.
One day, few years ago, he was try
ing case in which his brother, Solic-
itor General George A. jerks, was
counsel. The story goes that Georges
client would have got the worst of it
if the case had been decided by the
jury according to law. But George
was determined to win if it was in the
wood, and made one of his eloquent
speeches to the jury, which was COM
posed of woodchoppers from the back
districts Of the county. After he had
concluded the Judge said:
"Well, George, you have explained
your side of the case to the jury; l
will now give them the law"
The judge, after explaining the law
points, to the twelve good men and
true," instructed them to return
verdict against his brothers client.
The jury retired and in short time
returned with a verdict for Georges
client. The judge was dumfounded,
but accepted the finding. After the
jurors had been discharged one of
them was asked why they had return
ed verdict contrary to the judges
instructions.
"Well," he replied, "you see George
is better lawyer than Bill, and he
told us that we must bring in a ver-
dict for his client. We did so."-
Pittsburg Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

in numbers, in prosperity, in progress
and in promise; and reflect that there
is no North, no South any more, but
that as in the old time, it is now and
will remain forever, in the hearts and
speech of Americans, our land, our
country, our giant empire, and the
flag floating in its armament our flag,
l would not wish it otherwise. No,
when l look about me and contem-
plate these sublime results, l feel,
deep down in my heart, that / acted
for the best when took my shoulder
out from under the Confederacy and
let it come down."
He finished in roar of applause
that shook the room.--Baltimore
American.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

Teacher-"Now, young ladies, we
come to the subject in moral philoso-
ply known generally as the kiss.
Miss Rubylips. if a young man should
attempt to kiss you, how would you
act ?"
Miss Rubylips-T should act on
the defensive-give him as much fight
as possible and eventually surrender" f"
"Why would you give him so much
trouble 7"
"To make him more appreciative.
The fiercer the battle the sweeter the
victory "-Philadelphia Call.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

Johnny laboriously lugged pail
into the parlor where the family were
assembled, and asked his maternal
grandmother to kick it. "Why
should l kick it, Johnny ?" grand
mother inquired in much amazement.
Just to amuse papa" said Johnny.
"He said he would give ten dollars
any time to see you kick the bucket" T"
-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

A colored minister in Meadville re-
Gently took for his text, "And the
multitude came to him and he cured
them of divers diseases" Said he !:
"My dying congregation, this is ter
rifle text. Disease is in the world
The diphtheria Stays its hundreds,
typhoid fever its thousands, but, in
the language of the text, if you take
the divers you are gone. Earthly
doctors can cure the little ills if they
get there in time, but no one but the
good Lord can cure the divers. ."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

A pension examiner in Illinois was
required to take the deposition of an
applicant for pension who seemed
very positive about the date on which
he contracted severe cold, which re-
suited in chronic difficulty, for
which he claimed the bounty of the
government. His positiveness as to
the date he'd to the inquiry how it was
that he could swear to an incident
that was comparatively trivial when
it occurred. He said
81 know that the cold was contract
ed on the 2lst of February, 1862, be-
cause Bob Ingersoll was married on
the following day How do l come
to remember that so well : Why, Bob
was the colonel of our regiment |
was on guard duty near Peoria on
the night Of the 2lst. 1t was as cold
as ever felt it, and as | stood at my
post Bob came along, and after salut.
ing him | said Bob, if you don't
give me an overcoat, a bottle of whis-
ky, or relieve me from this duty I'll
freeze to death. He replied: 'Pll do
all three With that he took off his
overcoat, which had made portion
of his wedding outfit, and handed it
to ME Then from his inside pocket
he handed out flask of prime old
redeye and chucked that over, too.
After that he left me and returned to
his quarters, and I'll be blamed if he
didn't issue orders for the relief of
of the entire guard, as he said it was
too cussed cold for guard duty that
night. You see that event impressed
dates on my memory, and am not
likely soon to forget Colonel Bob's
wedding. Buffalo Times.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

A precocious New York boy ac-
companied his mother to the theater.
The seat check was marked "K o."
and the boy refused to sit there, in
sisting that it was reserved for a dog.
-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

Little Jack has been forbidden TO
ask for dessert. The other day they
forgot to serve him, and as Jack is
very obedient, he remained silent, al
though much affected. Josephine" /"
said the father, pass me a plate"
"Won't you have mine, ?" cried
little Jack "it is very clean" New
York Telegram.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

The game laws are very rigidly en-
forced at the West. If man is
caught cheating at poker he is shot
across the table.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

A woman confesses to the marry
ing of eight husbands. Few women
possess her power to fasten-eight-men.
Burlington Republican.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

A four-year-old tot to-day invited
three older playmates into an ice
cream saloon, where she magnificent
ly ordered four plates of cream.
When the delectable food had been
eaten she calmly proceeded to walk
out of the place without paying for it.
The proprietor stopped her. Looking
up in his face in the most innocent
manner in the world she lisped: 81
amt got any money, sir. I'll pay
you when Pm married."-Philadel-
phia News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

We now write 1888, and who is
alive that wrote 1777, or that will
write 1999.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

The presence or absence of single
letter sometimes involves a great
change. Yesterday the Portland
Press said: Mine persons who died
at Sergeant Hendricks house in Mem
phis, Tenn, Sunday, were seriously
poisoned by eating ice cream. 1t is
expected they will recover. Bangor
Commercial.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

BY some mistake in the makeup"
of an Eastern paper under the head
ing, Reduction in Cas-" it was stat
ed that "Rev. DR.. - receives only
$50 for lecture now that he former
ly got 500 for."-Star.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

The remains Of an English travel
er had been exhumed 70, interment
in the family vault. When the coffin
was opened the spectators started
back in alright. "Why, these appear
to be the remains of lion" "Yes,"
replied nephew of the deceased with
a sigh, that's the lion that ate him
up; uncle's inside of him "-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

Miss Al am surprised that you
are so cold and distant toward your
younger brother.
Mr.. B-You see, he is only a dis
tant relative of mine. Just think,
there are no less than five brothers
and sisters between us.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

Professor at Vassar (to class Now
who can tell me the most wonderful
achievement of the nineteenth centu-
ry? Miss Morris, l see your hand
raised.
Miss Morris (proudly)-My sister
Nellie has taught her pug dog, This.
tie, to chew gum.-Judge.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01
Advertising Rates.

sasiness Cards, one year, one dollar per line.
Lecd notices, among local reading matter. tan
ents per line for each insertion.
business notices, Ave cents per limo each insertion.
Births, Marriages and Deaths free.
Obituaries Resolutions, Cards Of Thanks, etc,
at advcrtisine rates. ''S'
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

What's that p asked country
gentleman in music store.
"That =? Oh, that is used on violins
1t is called a chin rest"
"Chin rest, is it? Well, gimme
one, it's just the sort of thing l want
for New Years present for my
wife. Texas Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

Boy, what does that spell ?" ask
ed a primary school teacher at Law
renee, Mass. Infant class scholar
II dunno" Don't know? Who does
know? Hold up your hand if you
know. You can tell pointing to a
big club in the back seat. "What
was every man once :" And the
teacher nearly tainted when the big
club roared out: Drunk. "-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

A little fellow, with a tall, stalwart
wife, was asked by a friend if the con-
trast between them didn't often expose
him to notifying remarks. "Oh, l
don't mind that" he said cheerfully /;
"but since Sarah has grown near-sight-
ed have to look sharp for fear she'll
step on me. ."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

A young lady of Philadelphia re-
ceived special delivery letter. The
messenger handed her the book to
sign for it, She took the book, and
instead of writing her signature she
wrote Dear John: Glad to hear
from you. Come up Saturday night"
She had answered the letter.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01

Old gentleman [putting a few ques-
tions] Now, boys-ah-can any of
you tell me what commandment
Adam broke when he took the for
hidden fruit? Small scholar Hike a
shot Please, sir, tn worn't no COM
mandments then, sir.-Punch.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01
ONLY DIRECT ROUTE TO UPPER
MICHIGAN.

and the Iron and Copper Regions of Lake Super
or TraversinR territory unoqualed for hunting,
fishing and camping.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1888-04-13

ANtILNl N'lkb AND iANllhH MAhllbh
their centennial in 1875; 1t is of a National
character Concord and Lexington and
Bunker I'M were thus celebrated, and
aft rwnrd came tho great celebration at
Philadelphia IN 1876" Ho said IL was time
that the West celebrated the monumental
points in It's history.
President Sessions then introduced Sen
ator Hour, OF Massachusetts,, who spoke
briefly. lie said; ut gives mo great salts
faction to make known to you the deep in
terest which the people of the common.
wealth of Massachusetts have In this inter.
esting occasion. We feel quite proud OF
our historical ach evenonts in Massachu-
sotts, and there s nothing which that com
lnonwenlth has ever done for humanity oil
for human liberty in which she takes d
greater pride than the share which she had
in the founding of Ohio"
Mr.. Fischer, OF Lansing, Mich, grandson
of Commodore Whipple, then read bio.
graphical sketch of his great ancestor and
exhibited n silver cup, one of the prizes
taken by Commodore Whipple. Prof Put
nam, of the Peabody museum, Cambridge,
then gave most interesting description OF
the great serpent mound lately purchased
by tho Peabody museum of Cambridge,
Mass
The afternoon was spent in drive to the
ancient mounds the site OF the iron fort,
and other places of interest
Last evening Governor Foraker, accom-.
panied by Mrs Foraker and staff arrivel
and was saluted with seventeen guns The
Governor Will mako an address of welcome
to-day. The order of C,ncinnatus is eX
pected this morning by special train.
At the even NJ meeting great audience
carly 1illed The hall On the stage We're eX-
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1888-04-13
CoIored Silk Dresses.

Silk dresses are stylish made en-
tirely of copper-colored Bengaline with
n white vest, and trimmed with cop
por bead passamenteries. White and
copper promise TO be as popular in the
near future MS white and gold now are,
tho white being introduced rs full
gathered vest and puffed collar of
white silk muslin or China Grape. 9th
CIR copper-tinted Bengalines havo gal
looms in the delicate tade colors of
Goboln tapestries for their trimming,
and with these the blouse-vest, with its
turned-oyer collar, is of white India
silk, on which are flowers in the faint
palo Gobelin colors of the galloon.
Still others have rose-pink and ma
hogany velvet ribbons together, point
ed us n girdle across the short full vest
of white China crapei the white turned
over collar has tho mahogany ribbon
at the back, and turns over upon it.
Changeable tail'eta silks are made up
over velvet skirts, as green and buff
changeable silk with green leaves upon
II is made above n green velvet skirt,
on which ecru Spanish lace is set in
llounces. House dresses of striped
surah are made up with silk embroid-
cred ilounces of the two colors cross
Ing the front and forming yoke or
collar and cuffs for belted waist
This is very pretty in half-inch stripes
II red with green, or black with white.
VI blue with brown. -Haper's BaSar.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1888-04-13
mARlerrA.s CELEBRATION.


Observation of tho Centennial of tho sot-
ticinont of Ohio-Eioqucnt Speeches by
Ex-Prusidcnt Hayes, Senator Hoar and
Others.
DMAnrgrrA, o., April T--Yostordny was u
great day for Marietta, although to-day Is
her centennial Her streets nro crowded
with visitors and her homes uro iillod with
distinguished urrivals Senator Iloar from
Massachusetts, J. Randolph Tucker OF
Virginia, D. Fisher of Michigan, Prof
Putnam of Massachusetts,, ii. w.
Nickorson, commissioner from Mich
lgan; II. d. Mitchell. commissioner
from Minnesota; H. Wilson Smith, commits
aloucr from Indiana, and N +. Smith, COM
missioner, Paris Ill.,, were among the prom
lnont persons arriving yesterday There
were numerous delegations from historical
societies and clubs from different citicS
Marietta is n forest OF flags nnd bright
faces.
The public exercises were by the Histori-
cal Society, an interesting address being
delivered by William farrar, of Cam
bridge, O., entitled "why Ohio is Called
the Buckeye State" Hon. william +.
Cutler, OF this city, read paper on
the subject of monumental structure
Mt Marie tl to commemorate the important
historical events After tho conclusion of
his dissertation resolution for the cree
ton of n monument at Marietta was pro-
posed Tho annual election of officers fol-
Lowell and resulted as follows; i. Q. Ses-
sons, president; General Brlnkcrhon, first
vlco-presidont; DR. william NJ. Moore, Soc
ond VICE president; s. s. Rlcldey, treas
urer; A. A. Graham, secretary.
Following this President Sessions intro
ducod cx-Prosidont Hayes, who said: "our
friends cast of the mountains began with
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1888-04-13
a nrakeman,s singular peath.

LOUISVILLE, KY, April 9.-William Roller,
n brakeman on the Louisville & Nashville
railroad, was instantly killed Saturday morn
ing at South Louisville. The manner of his
killing was peculiar. He was standing on
the rear car of freight train when sud
den stop threw him of. In falling his neck
struck ON pin, sevcring the iugular
vein. The lighted lamp of the unfortunate
man WAS seen to fall by his brother,
who signaled the engineer to stop the train.
When Roller was picked up the blood was
gushing from the glastly wound, his cloth
ing saturated with it, whilo blood-traclSs
were traced for over a hundred yards. Life
was nearly extinct when the man was picked
up, and he died soon after, never having re-
gained consciousness. The strange feature
of the fatal accident-is that the body was
hardly scratched, though it was pushed
along the track for hundred yards. The
sharp pin or bolt had cut the jugular like Il
knife, and caused the death.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1888-04-13
Vaccination Statistics,

The following extract from the SAM.
larian would seem to indicate that a
compulsory vaccination law has its ad.
vautages: "The success of the anti
vaccinationists is aptly shown by the
results in Zurich, Switzerland, where
for number of years, until 1888, o
compulsory vaccination law obtained,
and smallpox was wholly prevented
(not single case occurred in 1882.
This result was seized upon in tho fol-
lowing year by the anti-vaecinationists,
and used against the necessity for any
such law, and it seems they had suill'
cient influence 10 cause its repeal The
death returns for that year (1SS3)
showed that for every thousand deaths
two were caused by smallpox; in 1884,
there were three; in 1885, seyenteen
and in tl,e first quarter of 1886. eighty.
fiye.n
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1888-04-13
Death of Lillian olcott, the Actress.

New YoRK, April Gillian Olcott, the
actress, best known in the character of
"Theodora," died yesterday morning at the
Westminster Hotel, of Inflammation of the
bowels. She contracted severe cold
through exposure during the blizzard, and
had been i'll since that time. Miss Olcott's
illness was not known TO her family or
friends. She came to tho hotel Thurs ay and
called in DR.. Campbell, telling him she did
not want her parents, who live in Brooklyn,
notified OF her illness as it would worry
them unnecessarily, She wanted TO get well
and transact some business in the city be-
fore going home. Her maid was the only
person with her. The hotel people knew
that she was somewhat i'll, but no serious re-
suit was expected. She improved under DR.
Campbellis treatment until Saturday, when
sudden change for the worse occurred
The doctor rema ned up with her all night
and until she died. The father of the de-
ceased is DIR. Cornelius Olcott, wealthy
resident of Brooklyn. He and Mrs. Olcott
arrived at the hotel some hours after Miss
olcotts death, Thcy were quite broken
down by the shock.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1888-04-13
ABOUT FARM LIFE.
Henry Stewart Discusses tho other Side o.
the Dark Side.


the Dark Side.
For the dark side of farm life we
must look to the discomfort, not of the
poorest of the farmers, but of those
who are reaching for what they can
not attain. 1t is not always well to
see too far into things The most un-
happy people are those who are always
mourning over what they call this
wicked and unsatisfactory world, never
seeing its beauty and fitness for tenn
porary home and transient stopping
place where mankind becomes pre-
pared for future existence far higher
and more soul-satisfying than this.
There is vast amount of comfort and
happiness to be got out of this world
and more of it on the farm than else
where. For some years past have
had an opportunity of studying the
life of the poorest farmers in the world
and in several countries, and among
all of them | have found general con-
dition of contentment and satisfaction,
and consequently of happiness, with a
conspicuous want of sensibility re-
garling their poor condition. such
rs others used to different ways of life
are apt to consider it. A family near
me affords type of those people who
may be thought to live on the dark
side, but who don't know it. Living
in poor log cabin, with badly culti-
vated farm; often short of food wretch
edly and insuilicently clad; but always
jolly, good-natured and undoubtedly
happy in their way; contented with
their life and having plenty of leisure;
like the butterfly, gay in the sunshine,
and benumbed, not suffering in the
cold, this family do more singing and
twanging of tho banjo and fddling in
the evening and have more laughing
and merryment than any other, much
"better off, as we think. about them.
There is dark side, but it is not seen
by them; only by the two sympa-
thetic people who suffer in very
gratuitous manner for them. We
may regret want of what we
call culture, but the unculturcd, hardy,
wild plants which grow upon rocks, or
III 'ilS NOIbcot, hChltSb SpOlS, III bOgo VI
swamps or upon sandy barrens, have
beauties of their own equal TO those of
the highly cultured tea roses and hot
house plants in the conservatory; and
so with people; high culture is not al
ways happiness unless there is the
contentment, often the numbness Of
feeling for others and the faculty"
of happiness. which are quite as often
found in the humble farm cabin.
There may be and here is dark side
of farming, but its darkest side is
brilliance itself as compared with the
dark side of city life as seen in the
squalid tenements, and-it may be said
too, quite as truly-in many "brown
stone fronts" and pretentious houses
where the sharp tooth of care cuts more
deeply into the heart and life than the
sharpest tooth of poverty ever did
Rura, Net0 Yorker.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1888-04-13
THE WESTERN FLOODS.

Tho Highest water Known for Twenty
Years-Immcnsc Damage Done to Prop
crty.
DEs MONIES, Iowa, April S,-A dispatch
from Humboldt states that the Dcs Moncs
river at that point has not been 80 high for
twenty years. Browns grst mill at Da-
kota City is in danger of being swept away,
and the bridge is also threatened. The
river is rising rapidly at this point.
MASKATo, Mimi, April s.-No small de-
gree of excitement prevails here owing to
the danger of flood from the overflow of
the Minnesota river. North NIanliatn is al
ready submerged and the water is flowing
over the north approach TO the Minnesota
bridge, cutting off the people of the north
side from communication from the city.
The ice is gorgcd between here and st. Peter
so that boats can not be used. Several
buildings have been swept from their 70 IL
dations and many families have moved out
of their houses, preferring to anticipate the
freshet should it come. A portion of the
brealswater above the bridge has been car
ried away, leaving the bridge in n precarious
pOSitiDn