The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-05-05
HUMoR IN COURT.
WAxerly AGAEAainA

| WAFerly AAgA1lnoA
 Courts of law have furnished us at various times with very witty and amusing remarks, lawyers and prison CTS alike being guilty on this score.
 Curran, the Irish advocate, was one day examining a witness, and failing to get direct answer said:
 "There is no use in asking you ques- tions, for I see the villain in your face."
 "Do you, sirP" replied the man, with a smile. "Faix, I never knew before that my face was a looking glass"
 "I remember" says Lord Eldon, "Mr. Justice Gould trying a case at York, and when he had proceeded for about two hours he observed:
 "sHere are eleven jurymen in the box. Where is the twslfth2'
 ".Please you, my lord,' said one of the eleven, 'he has gone away about some business, but he has left his ver- dict with me-"
 This is almost on par with case tried in one of the Lancashire courts, when Sergeant Cross was a resident barrister in that county. The jury having consulted and agreed upon their verdict, were addressed by the clerk of the peace
 "How say you, gentlemen of the jury; do you find for the plaintiff or the defendant"
 "What say you? I dunnot under | stand 0 said the foreman
 "Why, as you have decided, all I want to know is is whether your yer dict is for the plaintiff or the defend ant?"
 The foreman was still greatly em- barrassed, but he replied:
 "Whoy, l raly dunnot know, but we're for him as Mester Cross Is for." :"
 Lord Cockburn's looks, tones, lan- guage and manner were always such as to make one think that he believed every word he said. On one occasion before he was raised to the bench, when defending & murderer, although he failed to convince the judge and jurymen of the innocence of his cli- ent, yet he convinced the murderer himself that he was innocent. Sen- tence of death was pronounced and the day of execution was fixed for, say the twentieth of January. As Lord Cockburn was passing the condemned man the latter seized him by the gown, saying:
 "I have not justice, MT. Cockburn- have not got justice"
 To this the advocate coolly replied 1:
 "Perhaps not but you'll get 1t on the twentieth of January"
 Witty and humorous replies, how ever, are not confined to law courts, so we may leave the judges and their satellites and gather up few frag- ments elsewhere. An Irish recruit about to be inspected by Frederick the Great was told that he would be asked these questions: "How old are you2" "How long have you been in the ser- vice?" "Are you content with your pay and rations2" He prepared his answers accordingly. It 30 happened, however, that the king began with the second question:
 "How long have you been in the service?"
 faddy gnDly replled:
 "Twenty years."
 "Why," said the king, "how old are your"
 "Six months."
 "Six months 1" exclaimed the king "surely either you or must be mad"
 "Yes, both, your majesty,"a confes- sion scarcely anticipated by the royal examiner.
 A good story is told of a general and his wife resident in Ireland, who were constantly pestered by beggar woman to whom they had been very generous. One morning, at the accus- toned hour, when the .ady was get ting into her carriage, the old woman began:
 "Agh my lady, success to yer lady ship, and success to yer honor's honor, this morning of all the days in the year, for sure didn't I drame last night that her ladyship gave me pound of tay, and yer honor gave me 6 pound of tobaccol"
 "But, my good woman," said the general, "do you not know that dreams always go by the rule of con- trary."
 Do they SO, plase yer honor" re- joined the old woman. "Then 1t must be yer honor that will give me the tay, and her ladyship that will give me the tobacco"
 While dealing with the Emerald Isle, we may be allowed to quote sev- eral other equally witty and amusing replies, such as could only proceed from 6 warm hearted son of Erin. It is said that when Sir Richard Steele was asked how it happened that his countrymen made so many bulls, he replied: