The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1888-09-01
Queerness of Things.


This is sort of topsy-turvy world. No
one seems to be satisfied. One man is
struggling to get justice and another is
flying from it.
One man is saving up to buy house,
and another is trying to sell his dwelling,
for less than it cost, to get rid of it.
One man is spending all the money he
can earn in taking girl to the theatre and
sending her flowers, in the hope that he
will eventually make her his wife, and his
neighbor is spending all the gold he has
saved to get divorce.
Smith is drinking imported ale to put
flesh on, while johnson is living on crack
ers and walking ten miles a day to reduce
his avoirdupois
The laborer with ten children keeps out
of debt on ten dollars week, while many
au unmarried bank official with hundred
dollars week can't get along without
helping himself to the banks funds.
Robinson takes sherry to give him an
appetite, while Brown, who has a wine
cellar, can't touch drop of it on account
of apoplectic tendencies. The doctor tells
Morrill, that if he doesn't stop work and
take rest he will go into decline, and
then tells Blakely that if he does not aban-
don his sedentary position and go off some
where and work on farm he will die of
torpidity of the liver.
One man is ordered to eat eggs because
they are nutritious, and another is caution
ed to abjure them because they produce
bile
One man keeps pistol to potect him
self against burglars, while his neighbor
doesn't keep one for fear of shooting some
member of the family by mistake.
You will sometimes see man planting
trees about his place for the shade; and, at
the same time, you will see another cutting
down all the trees about his house because
they produce too much moisture.
One rich man wears poor clothes because
he is rich and can do anything, while a
poor man wears fine clothes because he is
poor and wants to create the impression
that he is not
One man is killed by accident, and
another tries to commit suicide and fails.
One man escapes all the diseases that
flesh is heir to and is killed on a railroad;
another man goes through half-a-dozen
wars without scratch and then dies of
whooping cough.
The prize fighter reforms and becomes
a preacher, while the theological student
leaves his university to become a profess
sional base ball pitcher
The man who can make twenty thous-
anH dollars a oc n oyararol fhipor oop'f
save cent, while the man who is thrifty
and wise is seldom so gifted that he can
earn anything at all.
We know a wealthy merchant who keeps
half-a-dozen horses, who recently stated
that his store was closed on account of a
"holiday;" and we also know a proof
reader who can spell every word in the
English language correctly and the only
time he experiences any horse is when he
eats horse radish.
Good people die and bad people live.
The man who is fat with health can't get
employment and the man who is making
money hand-over-fist has to give up bust
ness on account of i'll health
Linguists are keeping peanut stands, and
monkeys are writing for newspapers. Ina
railroad collision the dancing master gener-
ally loses his feet and the mathematician
his head.
The pugilist breaks his wrist, and the
opera singer contracts throat trouble.
The man with colossal fortune is usu-
ally obliged to adopt an heir, while the
man without a cent generally has sufficient
number of heirs to satisfy half dozen
capitalists.
We wish we could find out why these
things are SO, because it would set our
minds at rest and make us happy.