Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1888-03-11
never been any experiments, with mat

young gir.s thus selling their youth and
their love and their lives for gold and 8
reigning position in society.
AT THE FAIR.
CHOW did you come out IN your lottery
drawing, Tommie?" sob, I winned!"
"You should say Il wop.'" "No, l
winned. The priz WAS Japanese fam"
THAT MAKES 'EM sQUANDER.
"Ah," sighed grandfather, "there are
no boys In these days! What is IL makes
good, true, manly boys so scarce? 81
don't know" said mother, coming in
from the kitchen, "unless it's because l
want an armful of wood sawed before
dinner. Will-yum! Chsrleel Oh-h Rob
ert! You John! Mary, you'll have to
go out to the wood pile and cut couple
of sticks for me, there's good girl"
BUT THEY DON'T HERD TOGETHER.
Indiana has Ben Hurd from, and Lew
Wallace is nominated for President. But
Ono, when Frank Hurd from it, went
back on the name.
SOME MEN ARE BUILT THAT WAY.
81 am afraid, Doctor" said the Profess
SCR, shaking his head, "tbat Mr.. LoneJ.W
talks faster than he thinks" "Does II
he talks at ALL" replied the President,
shortly, and the Professors worst fears
WGE6 COn0Gm6Qs
THE BEGINNING OF TROUBLE.
Real good, hard, sudden, unpremedi-
tsted, hearty and soul-felt swearing began
shout the middle of the thirteenth CEN
tury. Pins were invented about that
time, and the first man who run one clear
through the end of his thumb while try
ing to pin leather suspender to buck
| skin WAistband, or rammed one under his
| hale n n his GhnOInpT
while sliding his arm around the wsist-
belt of girl in the dark, must have made
the welkin ring with sudden 1ueDcy OF
Volapuk that carried the ward by storm.
This is what you might call an illustra-
ton of Internal evidence, as it were.
FATE SOMETIMES GUIDES HER KINDLY.
A spirited young American lady who
married while studying music abroad
writes to D paper to say that "all girls
who marry into noble Italian families do
not get bad husbands" No, indeed,
they don't. That's SO. Sometimes they
marry the monkey instead of the count
the mistake is one that is very easily
made-and then they do very well, in
deed, because the husband helps to sup
port the family.
TOO ARTIFICIAL FOR A WHOLE MAN.
"You should eat cheese with a fork, "
says the Home journal. That's all right
for man with 10 lower jaw, but in the
case Of the average man, WHAT'S the mat
ter with the human mouth?
MASTERLY CHARGE.
"Who charged the jury in the Redhand
murder case? Judge Goodlaw?" ono, "
replied the ex Juror, sullenly, sit was
Sheriff Holdfast, and he charged 'em for
I'll that WAS cut, now tell you. Dol
lAr'na half dsy for meals that you cou q
get for half the money at the best hotels
in town"
STICK TO YOUR OWN WEAPONS.
A young man IN Colum oia, S. G writes
"Whst is the best way 10 carve goose?
ovid q raZzsr, 'Rasmus, via rezzer."
1T ONLY MOVES FOR AN ASSESSMENT.
ais there such thing" asks a Prince
ton student, "as absolute rest2" Well,
possibly not; bat Mr.. Keely, of PhilS
. delphis, has invented q motor which
comes nearer the attainment Of that state
than anything else yet known to man.
UNAPPRRClATED TALENT.
Young Mr.. Softy Badboy, home or
, short vacation, entertaining lsdiffiend-
"ADd this is our class yell, Miss Weak
: neIves-Hoo, psh; hoo psh; hoo pah.
pah- hoo, yah-hool oom-psh, oom-pah
! wah-hee! wah-hee! ki-bi! ki-hi! ya-ys
= ya-ya, waugh" (O!d Werknerves ex
/ plains next morning while paying 1
fine of $50 for assault with deadly
( weapon with intent to commit bodil!
injury ana murder, that he had had ZEN
e himself only about ten days ago, ant
when the attack came on the yourg NAN
he lost control of himself, and grabbed
up an sdze and buggy wrench and wen
for him.
GIVE 1T TO THE WOMEN.
Yes, yes, my son, l know womal
can't keep a secret. This is might,
v rough on the woman. know, also, tina
J the Presidents message is usually pub
lished two or three days before 1t is de
liYered. suppose this Is mighty rougl
on the womac, too. It's rough on all tn
, rest Of US, anyhow.
- POURED OUT LIKE WATER.
Some people are too extravagant 10
any use. George Francis Train says tina
his lecture receipts in Maine averaged 81
night. Now, what's the use of throw
ing money away like that?
ARACKER, so TO SPEAK.
n "Dot vas trustVerty horse dot yol
. rides, Mr.. Smallcash," ssid Mr.. Levi
: "Yes2" replied the gratifed rider. I"
= didn't know you werea judge Of horses. !
U "Vell, see he pace SIS he goes; he Vos {
i good clothes horse, Mr.. Small" Bu
r he ceased, for what is t &c use OF talking
: to man out of hearing. a
Z. CRITICISM AS A FINE ART.
q Miss Cir grad: "I can't bear How ell't
1 novels. They have no sene in them sDC
e all his characters are lifeless wooden fig
3 ures." Miss Saleslade: ''HsVe YOU
0 read april Hopes'?" Miss Girlgred
e mo; never read any OF them, but
o have seen reviews Of them in the fuuD!
i papers and that's enough for me. Jacl
D Marshmallow, who used 10 do thu
G Filings and Arrows column in our higl
. school paper, used to hit him of splen'
didly. Jacks gone into journalism sine
. he graduated. He is editor eff the Dali,
e Startler and writes all the articles signet
? cod, diff and 1t. I haven't read any o
, 'em, but know they must be splendid
4 He Gays he's the only editor on the pEpe
I whose articles are signed"
/, BUT HE NEVER DID.
There are no words than these more sad
: az could have done-if had had
The man who chants this SAD refrain
r Has always failed to catch the train.
o HE could have boa hi" The corner lot
\ For fifty dollars-iike as not
Y Which some two weeks ago, or more,
4 You paid eleven thousand for.
| The carriage team you bought in town
PlankinG eleven hundred down
HE could have got, along last fall,
:, For just four hundred, rig and all.
n 'H he had had"-when Jones went In
!, The Congressman he'd now have been.
''f he'd of ba1" your scho oling, say
'' A Supreme Judge he'd be to day.