The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-18
Pith and Point.


TEACHER: John, give me a sentence
containing the word contents" John;
"The contents of COW is milk"-The
Teacher.
THE following unique sign appears in
Toccoa Georgia: lamps fixed, razors
honed, fresh oysters, Vienna bread and
tomb-stones. "-Columbus Enquirer-Sun.
"You have brother, then, sr?" Eyes,
madame" "Only one?" Yes, madame"
STRANGE I just asked your sister the same
question and she replied that she had two"
A MICHIGAN man has perfected machine
by which he can cut slaves for seventeen
barrels-chined, crozed and equalzed-in
one minute. There are just two slaves to a
barrel.
"MA," said Bobby, thoughtfully. 81 wish
| had brother or two" Why, Bobby"
g. To divide up spanking. It's tough on a
boy to be the only one in the family that gets
spanked. "-Epoch.
"MERCYl" exclaimed Miss Tonee, "what
in the world are the poor going to do for
back hair? The papers say the switchmen
have struck and of course prices will go
up fearfully. "-Boston Transcript.
AN Albany horseman was speeding his
trotter the other day, when the horse cast a
hind shoe which flew with such violence
from the hoof that it went high in the air
and caught on telegraph-wire, where 1t
hung until some boys got it down.
THE appearance of the only fat villain in
fiction, Count Fosco, is explained by Mr.,
Wilkie Collins. He says that he "made
him fat because lady once made the re-
mark at a dinner-party that no novelist
could make a really life-like fat villain"
In some sections of the country the mod
est lawyers are pulling down their shingles
and putting up their shutters for fear that
their names will be mentioned in connection
with the chief usticeship. At such times as
these nobody is safe.-BoSton Transcript.
AFTER one or two gentle efforts on the
part of the collector to awaken Deacon
Jones, the minister said from the pulpit:
Never mind, Brother Layman; as Deacon
Jones has not heard the sermon, perhaps it
would not be right to expect him to pay any
thing for it. "-Epoch.
AN almost incredible story comes from
Michigan. 1t is to the effect that a wood
chopper went out into pine forest, the other
day, and cut down hollow tree without
finding bear in it. The records show that
nothing of the sort ever happened before in
that state.-Chicdgo NelCs.
WAITER Ito customer): Amt de soup
all right, sah?" Customer (dubiously);
"Ye-es, it tastes all right but I'm barber,
and | wish you would ask the chef if he
doesn't want "A bottle of my Egyptian ton
serial elixir. 1t prevents the hair from fall
ing out. PhHodelphid CAL.
] JOSHUA Il. HAWKINS Vi COuIu nav kills.
ville Maine, is one of the most eccentric
men in the county. He is ninety-seven
years of age, yet he obstnately refuses to
| split cord of wood before breakfast or to
walk ten miles a day His condition occa-
sions his family much uneasiness- It'd Bits.
Young HoUsEKEEPER Ito butcher); What
is the price of mutton?" Butcher Four
teen cents, num-" Young housekeeper:
"And lamb" Butcher: Eighteen cents,
num-" Young housekeeper (surprised)
" Is it possible? Why, lamb isn't more
than half the size of a-er-mutton!''-
Hdper'S Bdzdr.
A MAN notorious for his disregard of truth
was inveighing against punishment in
schools He said: Its all wrong; they
punish where they ought not to. Why, when
l was school-boy was whipped once for
telling the truth" Well" leisurely re-
piled an old citizen, who heard the statement
81 don't suppose they ever had to whip you
a second time for that"
A New YORK lady who recently gave a
ball is said to have hired perambulatory
coffee and cake vender to take his stand in
the street and distribute, at her cost, cakes
coffee and chocolate to the hack-drivers and
to all others waiting on her invited guests
1t is added that her bill was less than SO
which shows that the grateful coachmer
did not take any undue advantage of hel
generosity.
A LADY who goes out frequently for 6
sun-bath in Rttenhouse square has noticed
that most of the little girl-children who con
gregate there have dolls that are very lik,
themselves. If the child is pampered anC
spoiled and overdressed, so is the doll; an(
if, on the other hand, the tiny miss is sedat,
and mild, the doll is likely to partake of tn,
same characteristics. AS the child is bent
so the doll seems to be inclined.-Philddei
11hid Times.
Mrs. A. V. DAVIS of Findlay Ohio, opened
a can of peaches, and discovering that they
had worked " considerably, threw then
into the back yard. Not long after tn,
chickens on the premises began eating tn,
spoiled fruit and as the working" haC
generated alcohol the fowls soon becam,
gloriously drunk staggering about in tn,
most ridiculous manner One staid ole
rooster, who had never been known to in
dulge in fight, became very tight" flew
over the fence into neighbours yard, at
tackled rooster twice his size and go
" licked" He managed to get home again
however, and with the hens soon became 81
drunk that they dropped over, apparently
dead. When Mr.. Davis came home in tn,
evening he threw the whole flock over tn,
back fence, supposing that they had beef
poisoned. In the course of short time tn,
rooster came to, crowed Justify and soon hi
companions sobered up ALSO but for awhii,
they acted as if they had a bad headache.
IT was in Waukesha, last summer, that
Chicago woman became acquainted with
distinguished professor from the East. H,
was man of grave and dignifed demeano
and inspired the Chicago woman with NJ
little awe. With the professor was hi
young wife. particularly quiet young
woman, who seldom spoke. The Chicago
woman, being left alone with them, under
took to furnish the chat. 81 was sitting
out on the piazza here last night" said she
d" after every one had left, and | CHANGED t.
] ...f fro, ~,
windows. l don't suppose serious gentle
man like yourself, professor, will be at al
interested, and l tell it for the amusemen
of your WIFE The voices floating out wer'
those of man and a woman, and | heaTC
the man say: Poor little BIRDIE is 90 afrait
to be all alone in the world wild great, big
horrid MANI" The little woman from
Chicago got no further for the professor ant
his wife had turned avivid scarlet.-Ch icdg
Tribune.
THE latest volume of the Ticknor Pape
/ SpraQ 10 90 The aI- UorQa Claim - bo