The Grenada gazette., 1888-12-06
THE AMATEUR FARM.
Brief Dissertation on Its Many Try
ing Vicissitudes.
The Terrors OF Meeting the Suave and In
sinuating Book Agent Whose Multi
tudinous and Willy Ways Are
Past Finding Out.

A person on an amateur farm is, to
certain extent, isolated, and is at the
mercy of various mar auders that in
fest civilized-or, as | am speaking OF
amateur farming, perhaps l should
say-semi-civilized society. Tramps,
book agents, tree peddlers, lightning
rod men, insurance solicitors and all
that sort of terror have the amateur
farmer Or his wife at their mercy.
You can't spring an electric arrange
ment and call in policeman or out the
fire department if you turn the handle
too far. Even if you shout for help
the neighbors are too distant to hear
you Thus it is that my farm is set out
with kinds of trees that didn't want,
and that the buildings are covered with
insurance and lightning rods and that
my book cases groan with volumes
that no one ever thinks OF reading.
The book agent is a terror, equaled
only by the fruit-tree man. | have
often sat up nights pondering over the
question: (Which is the worse OF the
two.' Sometimes thought one way,
sometimes another, depending on which
Of them visited me last. am usually
of the opinion that the book agent is
the worse, for the B. A. is generally a
woman.
The other week one OF them came
around but nobody was at home and
she contented herself with thrusting
under the door circular describing
the advantages OF serial work enti-
tied. "The Pictorial History of Spain. "
But what interested me most was a
torn bit of paper which the agent had
dropped unawares and which was as
follows:
PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL.
On. B-This must on no account be shown
even to your best fricnd.)
1t is unfortunately now the case that many
persons object to call from a book agent.
ouSi ptiuB LuC ttbC IL UthooNCo VIC ouSStooi IA
agent TO take more than ordinary care in ap-
proaching customer. 1t having been reported
to US that people have deliberately slammed
the door in the faces OF our agents before o
word could be said, we have given the subject
much thought and have compiled set Of rules
which, II strictly followed, is sure to result in
success.
First-Dress like o lady or gentleman.
Second-Have no book or parcel visible.
Third-To gain the confidence Of the person
approached and obtain admttance TO the
house proceed as --
There it left off just at the most ex-
point. Not even "to be
continued at the end of it. The paper
was torn across and l was torn with
anxiety to know just how the agent
got in and how she won my confidence.
The week after that l wasn't at home
much. House-cleaning time is popu-
larly supposed to be the most trying
period of life for the unfortunate man
Of the family. l, Of course, try to
avoid the dwelling then as much ns
possible; but in my opinion, house
isn't circumstance to the
tomato-canning struggle. Then the
place takes on a fearful and sanguinary
appearance. There is to me something
in the sight of the woman of
the house with sleeves rolled up to the
elbow and the formerly fair arms drip
ping with the crimson gore of the
tomato. The house reeks
with the odor OF boiling tomatoes.
Rows of grim bluebeard jars stand on
the shelves OF this vegetarian butch
ery, andothers empty yawn for blood.
'1n such a place as this and at such
IN hour" it is just as we'll for the in
significant man person to keep away
rom home. In the heat OF the carnage
he lady of the house doesn't want to
zee the best friend she has on earth
much less her husband.
Just as the tomato saturnalia was at
ia height, there came ring at the
The girl went to the door
md came back with neat card in her
hand on which were beautifully en-
yraved the words Edith Blotter-
wick"
"Dear me-" said the lady Of the
,ouse, wiping her tomato stained
,ands on the kitchen towel and taking
he card. Il don't want to SEQ any
,ody. I don't remember that name.
What did she look likep Had she .
,ayelpm