Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1888-01-13
Mr.. N1SBY ON TITE TARIFF
uc Obeys Orders frs-i Headquarters

Mr. NdSBI ON THE TARIFF
uo Obeys Orders frs-p Hesdausrters
AND GETS UP A MEETING TO ENDORSE THE
PRESIDENTS MESSAGE, But FINDS SOME
THING wHoEG WITH his ARGUMENT.
From the Toledo Bladel
CoSFEDRir X ROADS, witch is in the staff
NV Kentucky Dec 10, 1887 Yesterday
reserved the follorin dispatch -
WAsnINGroN, Dec II, iss1.-To the =. N at the
Cross Roads: In the interest NV Civil Service Re
form the appointees NJ the president are expect
ed to see that his utteranccs are indorsed See to
this y. d. O. LAMONT.
A wink is ss good eE a nod to blind
boss, and immejitly called meetn NV the
dcmocrisy at the old meetn house, and then
set TO work reedin the message Nv His Eggs
lency, and studyin the pints WITCH | wanted
to elaborate. | alus like to be prepared so
ez to be effective. hate going off half
cooked.
The pint witch struck me with the great
est force wul the assershun that the pres
ent inikitus tariff forst the opprest and SUI
ferin people TO pay for goods above wat they
shood, iist the amount NV the tariff levied,
witch levy went to build up oppressive mo-
nopolies witch is TO say that on every dol
lars wuth NV English goods witch we bot,
whatever per cent tho inikitus tariff impos-
ed Ef it was 40 per cent we paid for the
dollars with tl40, and ef 80 per cent,
$3.50, and so on.
Ez l teech best by illustrashen, the mint
got this fact fixed in my mind perceeded
to arrange my ilustrashen.
hev Bustid, afore now, by not bein fully
prepared.
closed up the Office and stepped out to
Bascom's to get nip to stiddy my mind,
witch took, payin him for it, | am payin
cash half the time for my drinks now, and
actilly payin suthn (ez little ez possble) on
old account. Steppin out into the street
who shood | see comm out of Oppenheimer's
clothing store, but Sim Gavitt, a niger
witch belonged to Squire Gavitt afore he
wus robbed NV him by Linkin, and wich hez
the gineral cast NV the Gavitt feechers so
much go ez 10 perduce coolnis betwiIt the
old Squire and his wife years ago Sim
wuz drest from top to toe in an entire moo
SCOT NV close, hevin his old ones done up in
paper witch he kerried in his hand
A lice struck me to wunst.
Sim, sed l. wood dollar indooce 700
to cum to neetin tonight and wear them
cloze =
as 700 to speekl' he asked.
"Sartin," sed l.
"a dollars purity cheep-make it dollar
an 'alf and its go.
can 700 will git up and come forred and
be talked at, when / call 700 y
Eyes"
''It's go. Be on hand early and wear
them cloze.'
Gan rite, boss"
The evenin come, the horn was footed,
and the Dimocrisy filed out NV Bascom's and
| filed the house to over Aowin l red the
message to EN-, and seezin upon the central
| lice in it that the consoomer wuE taxed to
| fill the pockits NV the blotid manoofactoorer,
worked EN- up to pitch of desperashun,
witch wuz singler, ez the cloze on the entire
seckshun NV the Dimekratic party in that
meetinhouse woodent hev invoiced at that
mint fifty dollars. However | hev notist
that the man whose sole posseshun is a Vel
Ter dog, and whose wife takes in washin to
support him, is the heftiest complaner NV
the burdens of taxashun. myself hev dun
suthin toward settlin the naShI,el debt
The time for my iustrashen witch wuz to
clench things had come 81 wish to make
practical illustrashen," l sed ~ see
Simeon Gavitt in the awjence, with a moo
SCOT Of cloze on viii Simeon step for
ward -
Sim walked up, rather embarrassed at
being the best drest man in the room.
"Yoo motifs this SCOT ov close, my friends
| amt list shoor wat the tariff is on woollen
goods, buttons, thread and sich but | will
persume that it averages 60 per cent. Is
timatin the home valoo NV the goods at say
500 my friend Simeon wuz compelled to
add to that Sl2, witch hez run up the cost Of
the coze, maxim and all, to suthin like s32,
the difference between the cost to him, UNI
4 -,
wood he eff that SCOT he'd bin admitted free
o dooty, beiu-"
"Prap's dats' so, boss, spoke up the cussid
niger, de tariff, ez you call it, may hev
cost me all dat, but de fack is l only paid
$40. 30 fur de entire outfit !"
"Wat !" ejackilated l.
dot is de cold fact in de case, piped W
Oppenheimer, who wuz sittin' III the aw-
ence de drOubles init you is dot SCOT
don't happen to be English goots. It's most
~ Yank. De wool was crowd in Ohio, the
lnins wuz made in Connecticut, the thread
in Massachusetts,, the buttons in Philadel
ply, dose masheens on witch dey vos mate
vos mate in Connecticut oof Bennsylvany
steel and the cloze wuz made in Cincin
natl by mine brudder-in law, and sot by
me to Simon. It's Yank all NV de way
, from de sleeps back to the man wat he.
'em on, and de goots is better goots dan eff
fer vas mate in England. I hev stor,
full Nv EN-, at de same price-fur cash.
wat :" shreeked, amt them English
goods :"
mot a bid oof it, We don't buy English
, goots no more. Gombedishen at home isl
( too strong
"You kin sit down" remarkt to Simon
! 'Ther seems to be suthin wrong in thi
81 somewher Opprest by tariff, and buying
a SCOT Of cloze for $l0,50!"
| bustid this time by bein too well pre-
| pared. But | rose ekal to the emergency,
alluz do.
, MY Dimocratic friends" | remarked
q "the fault in this matter isn't with the Pres
r. ident or me. The trouble is that Simeon
g Gavitt wood go and buy Amerikin goods in
g std NV English, an Their bein no duty at a.
on Amerikin goods, it appeers they com
cheeper. 1t hez the appearance, this tariff
= NV a sort O. barrin out NV furrin goods, an
maxim SIGH ez We yoose here to hum.
= coodent be expected to know that, cz
hewitt paid for any clothes sence andre
a Jonson's time, and CONSISTENTLY wuz neve
n pertikeler ez to the price. But it doesn
2 alter the prinsiple. We want English goods
e it appears, and we don't want Ameriki
% goods, and our veneratid he'd hez so declaI
a ed. Wat is our bounden dooty, then, e
= Dimocrats Eff he seq we are robbed "
$ must be robbed. Therefore, every goo
$ Dimocrat will buy English goods and pa
n the infamous dooty on EN-, and grOan undo
. the tyranny NV monopoly. Then the iro
n will enter his sole and he will rise in hi
mite, ct Get ry.
z Il know his eggslency is rite, for ever
= paper in England approves NV his message
: 'Ef Their wuz ez much yoonanimity tn
( side NV the water in approvn his view
Il that Their is on tother, it would be clea
+ sailin. In consequence NV the barrin ou
IS NV English goods from Ameriky, the Ems
IS fish operatives and capitalists hev been sui
d ferin for some years. In the interest u
9 broad hoomanity we want TO transfer this
q sufferin TO Ameriky. We want to let dow
B. the bars and let furrin goods flood in, fc
7 England seq we do, and English manoofa,
r toorers are willin TO pay librelly for hevi
d it done"
z / hev got to study up this matter NV fro
e trade and tariff, for my fust essay don
g. seem to be entirely satisfactory. The
10 must he some reezin for free trade, tho
J. hevn't jist struck it ez yit
n PETROLEUM V. Nasty,
4, p. NJ. and fur free trade and sailors rite
MINOR NOTES.