The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1888-01-12

sing tenor in midnight quintet of
its friends. Mr.. Wexford, who was
remarking remarks unfit for publi-
cation, quickly backed against the
door and made another frantic lunge
at the cat, splintering marble top
bureau and causing him to experience
a sensation something similar to the
shock a man receives when he in
advertently takes hold Of a naked
electric light WIRE The language he
used was not Volapuk. 1t was
worse. And the cat, still enjoying
good health, but somewhat excited,
made several more circuits of the
room in less than no time, and shrieked
in home-sick tone of voice.
"Sptzzz-zz-z! -ssst-
sptzz-merow wough-cussit-sizz-row-
wow-woughr'
Mrs. Wexford, who had been
emitting succession of wild, weird
howIs, like unto the yells of the
victorious party on election night,
stuck her head out from beneath the
covers, and in a frightened voice cried:
''Why under the canopy of heaven,
William, don't-ouch! scat!-good-
ness gracious! get out!-why don't
you open the door and drive the
monster out?"
In lieu of a reply, William let drive
at the cat again, smashing the bureau
mirror and nearly Draining himself;
and his wife again frantically vocifer-
ated, as the cat flew under and over
the bed like besom of destruction
whatsoever that may be-"William-
murder!!d'ye hear We idiot!-why
don 't-murder!Lo u h William
murder-ooooooo-oh!'
The cat had landed on the bed and
inserted it's claws in Matilda's neck
and back hair.
Hanged if don't kill that internal
cat If it takes me all night and large
portion of tomorrow cried William
determinedly, 'sand if you are not very
careful you'll share the same. Look
outw
And simultaneously with the cry Of
warning he brought down his base
ball bat. It was pretty successful
blow, forsit hit both Matilda and the
cat, and at the same time William
stumbled and struck his head against
the edge Of the bed, sustaining
shock which rendered him unconscious
and the cat flew and wrecked $40
Parian figure on bracket.
Matilda recovered consciousness
first. The cat was seen under the
bed with its eyes glowing like pair
of incandescent lamps. The wounded
woman crept softly out Of bed, opened
the chamber door, and quickly spring
ing back to her couch, cried: "Scat!-
hissLget out!' and the terror-stricken
animal darted out Of the room like a
streak Of electricity, and dashed down
stairs singing, "There's no place like
home," in a foreign tongue. Then
Mrs. Wexford turned to her husband:
"Mr. Wexford" she said, giving him
a shake, "are you killed?"
"N-no; I think not he moaned,
tenderly caressing a lump on his
oeciput. "I'm ali Ri, but where's
that diabolical cat?" he demanded,
suddenly remembering that he had
set out to test Persian receipt. It'll
kill it or knock the room into chaos.
Where is 1t! again selZlng the base
ball bat and looking furtively about
the room.
"Why," responded his wife, in a
vexed tone, where dye s'pose it is,
you insuferable idiot. | opened the
door and drove it out, as you should
have done in the first place, instead
of smashing everything in the room
and nearly killing your wife, as you
wanted to do-you brute. I'm not
going to live with you another day.
I'll have a divorce before the months
outI"
And at this writing it looks as if |
she would.
William Wexford is woefully dis
appointed at the disastrous success
attending his attempt to introduce a
foreign custom into this country, but |
there is one thing in connection
Herewith that has probably never
occurred to him.
He may have used the wrong kind |
of cat. J. I'll. WILLIAMS.