Evening journal., 1888-08-08

Is one way OF getting rid OF it. Take, FOR In
stance, Senator Miller's funeral, and you can
easily see where the money goes. In tho first
place, it cost nearly 1000 to carry the coffin
and the committee from Washington TO San
Francisco. There was in addition to this an
expense for Pullman cars of S., 600 more, and
the hotel bills, all told, were about 81, COO The
sum total was about $1,000, and considering
the distance it was not, think, extravagant. J.
what does congressman's coffin usually
costY'
well, when it is bought by the govern
ment il costs at least $500 have had the
auditing OF a number of these congressional
funeral accounts and l baye been on one or
two of the committees Nifo have attended the
burial You cannot get good coffin for less
than $500. mean one that viii look well.
and will at the same time stand some chance
against the body snatchers. | costs about
$500 TO pay the undertaken, and one of the
items Of expense of our funerals here are the
sashes and gloves. When Senator Burnside
died the pail bearers had sixteen white scarfs
to tie around them, and these cost s144. 1t
costs as a rule about 50 a piece for these
scarfs, and the kid gloves used run about SO
and $3.50 pair. The funeral Of Gen. A. S.
Williams, Of Detroit, during the Fortv-sixth
congress, cost S13, 1000. and it is the travelling
expenses Of these funerals that count up.
Take the Miller funeral, and the travelling
expenses, all told. were $4,000
Il can't see where they spend the money,n
said l.
''Well there is a committee of both houses.
and this committee as a rule, take a special
car. A man needs good feed on a funeral
tour, If any place, and the lunch bills are
among the heaviest. / have known of fu-
nerals where single one Of the lunches cost
Sl22, and Of course the car has to have its
champagne and its apollinaris. These things
count up, and as a rule the congressional fu-
neral away from Washington which runs I'M
der $1,000 is an exception"
How about the funeral orations of the
house aud senator
81 think they are very good. It gives the
boys q chance 70 get off their old college
essays about death and eternity, and / have
never yet heard Of a congressman who has
died at Washington who was not in these
speeches everything that was true, good,
beautiful and holy. In the senate there are
some beautiful obituary makers, and Senator
Palmer could make his fortune by hiring
himself out to tombstone factory and fur
nishing funeral orations to order Dan
voorhees, makes very good funeral speech,
and as for Senator Spooner, ne could bring
tears to the eyes of statue. Sherman can
eulogize statesman, but he is not so good
for an ordinary occasion, and one Of the best
funeral orators Of the house is Sunset Cox.n
In what manner, supposing you had to
die, judge" said |, land you had the choice
would You prefer to diegn
THAT makes me Think returned the
statesman, "of a piece of verse on that sub
Ject. am not sure that can quote it, but
the gist Of it was that the writer in discuss
ing the question Of death gave the reasons
why he would not die in each Of the different
seasons of the year. 1t went something like
this
when tie sassingers is fryin'
And hickory nuts Is thick.
Ca Who would think Of dyiu'
Or even gettin' sickY
This was tho verse, I think, for the
autumn. There was q similar one for each
season, and the conclusion was:
Il would not die in spring time,
Iwould not die in fan,
And, come TO think about It,
Iwould not die at all.
"And, concluded the statesman. sit is the
same with me. l don't want to die at all.
But / suppose I shall 60 Off some time. and
WIEN 40 WOuiu IaVhef nave ~ quick
death, and one where my family win not be
bothered about my funeral expenses. I
would not object to a s400 coffin, and want
the boys who accompany me to my last rest
ing place TO have all the champagne that
they can drink at Uncle Sans expense. /
don't want big monument, but am in for
all the furbelows of a funeral, as long as ita
don't reduce the size of my life insurance
policy or come out of the amount leave to
my family THOMAS j. TODD.