The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-05-09
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Working on shares-Plowman.
Signal Failures-Old Prob's predic-
tions
Some newspapers are too dull to be
worth filing.
The paper hanger makes money by
going to the wall.
Female carpenters have appeared IN
London Plane women, probably.
Youngstown has a woman faith doc
tor. She is rapidly heeling herself.
Wouldn't it be sweet revenge to lick
the sugar trust9- Burlington Frse Press.
An old whalesman being asked if he
admired the harp said yes, if it was
harpoon.
1t is not impossible to meet with
plump refusal from slender girl.-Ne'o
HdUeH Ne,cS.
Time flies aud stays for no man. The
only fellow who can beat it is the musi-
can. Merchant 1rdceler.
The electric light in cities is a very
great convenience, but drunken men
find it long distance between posts
!SOmrci!ie Journal.
Women are contradictory creatures.
When they say they will give you
piece of their mind, they give you no
peace. - Yoaieys Statesman.
"Do you attend any post, Doctori
You were in the army, were you noti"
"Oh, yes, | attend post-mortems occa-
| sionally. n-Ne,o York J,urhat,
The pale face, when his wife is i'll,
BUYS tonic and elixir;
The Indian, when his squaw is i'll,
Buys nothing, but he licks 'er.
-DansuHie Breeze.
A sentence in an American novel: "He
| alighted and tied his horse to a large
! locust in front of the house." was rem
| dered in French translation so that it
| read that he fastened his horse to huge
grasshopper.
Servant On boarding-house): All
/ Mister DumIey, such beautiful ducks
| came to day." Dumley excited) "Ducksl
/ You don't say so, Bridget! Servant:
4" Yis, sorr, it's an lie paintin' for the
/ dinin' room. "-NeD York Sun.
There's many slip
'Twixt the cup and the lip"
Is a saying that's frequently quotedi
liut that cup to the lips,
Cause the worst kind of slips,
Is truth that's as frequently noted.
Boston Budget. .
Judge to dude prisoner)-"What a
/ shame for well dressed, gentlemanly
follow like you to be arrested for yelling
on Fifth avenue ot II o'clock at night!
What is your profession" Dude
"Howlng swell" Judge-"Ten dol
lars. "-1ii-Bps.
They have way out in Kansas of
bringing to time unruly members of the
Legislature. Mr.. Funstan, member of
the Committee on Agriculture, was late
at committee meeting, and the Chair
man fined him six cans of corn.- Com
mercid Adcetiser.
Mother-"Wha has become of Charliel
haven't seen him once this morning"
Daughter-"I ale is in Uncle Johns room.
Uncle John is taking Charles photo
graph by the instantaneous process, and
that always takes him three or four
hours. n-Ierds SytMgs.
'ln the spring young mans fancy
lightly turns to thoughts Of love-" Oh,
it does, chi In the spring young mans
fancy doesn't d. anything of the sort. 1t
turns 10 thoughts of how he's going TO
get in about i've thousand hours of four
hundred dollar a-week fun into fourteen
days of ten dollar summer vacation.
A contemporary asks "llow shall
women carry their purses TO Illustrate
th,eyes.n "Why, carry them empty.
/ Nothing illustrates thief more than to
/ snatch n womlus purse, after following
her half a mile, and then find that il
contains nothing but recipe for spiced
peaches and faded photograph OF her
/ grandmother
"You can take the witness said the
prosecuting attorney in Il trial before an
] Arkansas { ourt to The defendants law
yer. Judge exclaimed young man
/ IN the back part of the room, standing
mp on scat aud waving his hands wild
| ly, "don't let him take her That wit
ness has been engaged to me- for more'n
three years !'-,Arkutsas ITaceler.
"This is a queer-looling building, isn't
it," he asked, stopping in front Of a
house on Lafayette square 'Ies, it is
quite odd and quite old, !" she replied,
| evncing much interest "ls it very
old:n "Oh, yes; very, very old. can
remSmber when -er-er-haye you ever
noticed, Mr.. De Smith, what beautiful
streets we haN in Washington"- Wash
iagtaA critic.
Algy-'Do you think, my love, that
your father will consent to our marriagei"
! Angely-"Of course papa will be very
sorry 10 lose me, darling" Algy-"But
/ / will say TO him that instead Of losing
a daughter, he will gain a SOM Angely-
IL wouldn't do that, love, if you really
want me. Papa has three such sons liy-
/ ing at home now, and he's little bic
touchY on the point