The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-01-19
WIT AND HUMoR.

snap but hard snap. HARD anu sou
are equally scarce.-NeU Hdcea' Ne'os.
Too much of Burton's ale at night
sometimes introduces you to his Anat-
omy of Melancholy the next morning
Puck.
We incline to the belief that Bern
hardt will not enter uunnery until al
ter all the other places are closed up
--PeortG Transcript.
First citizen-What makes you think
your neighbor, Towson, is a rehglous
manp Second citizen-He always suits
his ashes on Il still day.-Burtsngton
Free Press.
A good place to study human nature
is in horse-car; but you are apt TO
think that human nature isn't Wofth i
studying before you get through
sSonterUille Journal.
A hog with six feet interests sher-
wood, Mich One with only tw" can !
make them seem like a dozen some
times by crossing his legs in horse
Philadelphia Ledger.
Mother-You must put your dolly
away to-day, Flossie. It's Sunday,
YOU know. Flossie-Fm just playing
she's dead, mamma,e and were having
a funeral-Nes0 York San.
Friend-Stammer. old boy, l hear
you have purchased parrotP STAN
mer-Ye-ye-yeth, an it ith gw-gw-
sweat f-f-fun, you know. I'm te-t-
Teaching it to toto t-t-talk.-Epoch.
Old lady-.I'm sorry to hear little
how use such shocking language. DO
you know what becomes of little boys
who swear?' Urchin-''Yesm Dey
rits to be hoss-car drivers. lid BITS.
Pittsburg knights of Labor are agi-
4atad by the question whether members
of baseball mines are workingmen.
Those of Brooklyn are. At all events
they do not play much.-RTOostyn EG-
gle.
She-ssO, Jacob, Jacob. ! haf drop
ped der Limberger cheese oud OF Tel
hack windowr' He-.'Vot a gala
ties, Now will come to US pretty quick
ter board of health NIT Elm cholera
ease.-Nes0 York San.
Mrs. Hartraunft-"T'm sure you've
acquired our language very quickly,
Professor; I can understand you per-
fectly." Prof. BliegenshnIt (proudly
-"Hai 1 dels You vos not on any
iies"-1 1Td-BitS.
Gentleman-I don't like to pay You
for the job. Uncle Rastus, till it's done.
You might go back on me. Uncle
Rastus Earnestly l won l.
boss. deed won't. Ise white if | is
cullad-N. J. San.
Mrs. Goozey-Side panels are going
out of fashion. Mr.. Goozey-When Is
that raised panel on the back going
outP Mrs. Goozey-I think about the
same time that the raised color on youl
nose goes out.--Paek.
Ukerdek-.'Why do you smoke s
cob pipe, Pate" OKelly-''Shnre
now, an it's very convenient. Whel
the 'bacca burns out. We kin jist kap'
smoking till the pipe burns up. too. =
Detroit Free Press.
Counsel Ito witness)-Is it possible
Uncle Rastus, that you would swear t
what you know is not so for singi
paltry dollar? Uncle Rastus Gndig
nantly)-No, sab! De gemmem gu
me $2.-HarPer's Bdzdf.
PA" said little johnny McSwilli
gan, '.heres piece in the paper abou
parasites, what are they?' Parasites
my boy, are people who live in Paris
think you ought to know that, AM
YOU in the third reader. ."-Neao Yor
Dispatch.
Guest Cat an evening party, mistak
ing another guest for waiter)-Wil
YOU bring me an ice, please? Secon'
guest (wlth hauteur)-You are yer.
cool, sir. Guest-Yes, I'm cool enough
The ice is for the young lady.-PhiIa
delphiG Call.
Mr.. Lamb (to Wall street man.
What do You think of Reading" MI
4 IIxxN
t.Reading" is good purchase; bans
get some? Mr. Wolfe-I can let yol
have all you want.-IHe Epoch.
Sharpeley was invited the other da,
to dinner by old lnacSkinfint. In du
course two chops made their appear
marked the host. YES" repliet
Sharpeley, helping himself to both tn
chops; "but don't see yours. Judy
sThe quickest way to make an enc
my of a man is to lend him S." said
philosopher, sententiously; and then
with Q half-coDcealed show of eager
ness, he inquired: isn't there some
body around here who would like t,
make an enemy of me?"-SoaserUiH
Journal.
A writer in magazine asks: .'Ar
the lower animals approaching ImanP
Some OF the lower animals have fire
quently approached boys in.the vicini
ty of apple orchards, and no doub
they would also approach man if h,
were on the same errand as the boys
Norristoa0n Herald.
As soon as we get over the rush W,
are going to invent big navy gul
hat mil 4 i u
the enemy's vessels. Two grand re
suits will be accomplished; the enemy
will be annihilated in particularly
melancholy manner and we shall ge
rid of the stoves.-Springfel Union.
First bank director-We ought Il
have q bright, sharp man for cashier
Second bank director-What is tn,
matter with the one we have? "Oh
he's too old fogyish" Hes rather
conservative, that's fact" Yes, til,
old fellow seems to think cashier ha.
nothing to do but be honest - Onsahe
World
Tramp-"Will you give me 20 cents
sir, to buy bottle of whisky with?'
Gentleman -"Isn't that a rather
cheeky request" Tramp-"You on won1
think so when you hear the particulars
You see, I've been drinkin all the
mornin at fren's expense, an wan1
TO reeiproeate. I'm white if l am {
iramp.-Neso York San.
If you drop your collar button there
is one sure method of finding H. AT,
ter you have hauled the bureau acros.
the room to look under it, then replace
the furniture, and put on a pair OF
heavy shoes; start to walk across the
room, and before you have taken three
steps you will step on the collar buttor
and smash it all to pieces.-DanvilI.
Breeze.
Little Marshall P. Wilder's --latest
story is to the effect that a party ot
laborers were sitting in a group one
winter evening discussing the various
North Pole expeditions. Finally s
quiet member of the party was appeal