The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1888-07-13
NEWSPAPER wars.


" Nv |
It's a great day for garden beds
when the rain comes down in sheets.---
Burlington Free Press.
Apple pie Order-Waiter, q piece Of
apple-pie.- Puck.
The peach crop may be doubtful,
brt the speech crop will not ia LII
Neso Orleans picayssne.
The Jerseyite would be happy if bis
shoes would only remain as black as
they're painted.--Puck.
A picture in your imagination is, of
course 'enclos, d in frame of mind
Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph.
Men on pension rolls live to be very
old. The pension roll beats the bakers
roll as staff of life.-Ne,o Orleans
Pic0yuae.
That Tennessee clergyman who in
herited q fortune Of $4,000, 900 now
asserts that the story Of Dives is an
Interpolation. ."-Martha's Vineyard
Herald
You may break, you may shatter the
"vase" If you will, but the various ways
of pronouncing it, according to locality,
will cling round it still.--Norristoson
Herald.
1t does not require anything extra
ordinary in the way of intellect to shoe
horse, but there is fortune in store
for the man who can shoe fly 80 that
the little pest will stay shod.--Har-
pers Basar.
A Lucid Observation-Disclosures TO
class) )--"Iu this stanza, what is meant
by the line, The shades of night were
falling fast'i" Bright Scholar-"The
people were pulling down the blinds" T"
Puck.
A Delicate Prof. ,f.-Adorable Heir
ess (worth twenty millions)-"Sister, /
think Mr.. Smith loves me-" Sister
"Why!" Adorable Heiress--"We
were introduced last week and he has
not yet proposed.-7sd.B Bits.
A Mississippi woman fell into mill
dam, and when abe was rescued ten
pound catfish was entangled in her
wire hustle. Her husband wanted to
set her again, but she would not con-
sent. Norristo,om Herald.
A High-Priced Dinner.--Minister
dining with the family)-"This is a
very nice dinner, isn't it Bobby p
Bobby enjoying it)-"It ought to be.
Pa figured out that it was going to
cost him over eight dollars. THE
Epoch.
"Why, bless your heart, Erasmus
dis yere fotygraf amt like you no how
1t makes yer look ten Vars older dan
you is" "Dat's all right, honey,
needn't git annudder tooken for de mex
ten Vars See l'-Detroit Free Press
'1've bawled my throat sore yellin
fer those oysters" said an angry custo
mer in restaurant. "What's the mat
teri" "Orders ahead, sah,' explained
the waiter. "Yo'll fin dem raw oysters
very soothin', sab, 70 sore throat.
Life.
Husband-"No meat for dinner to
day! Whyi Didn't you telephone
to the butcher to send up that roas
we agreed upon this morning?" Wifi
-"No, dear; I'm sorry. But the fac
is / was studying my memory lessor
and forgot all about it.'-Lo,oel
Citizen.
Well Up in His Lesson-Professo
(of class in journalism)-"W is th
difference between an editorial and al
editorial paragraph 7" Student-"Al
editorial is of the same nature as al
editorial paragraph, but is larger, AM
doesn't have as much to say.-Harper'
Bazar.
A Trade Secret.-W oodward Ave
nue. dealer-"I say, Jake, those sevent
fve-cent laundried shirts amt sellin
very fast, are theyi' Clerk'-Nc
they ain't-" Dealer CUES
we'll mark them ninety eight cent
then. They've got to go regardless O
cost."-Detroit Tree Press.
Thunder and Lightning-Lightnin
rod agent TO boy)-"No, sir pa
away, an me and ma is the only one
10 home: that's dead book-agen
Dye want to sell ma anything
Thunder, no" said the lightning mai
The Epoch.
Arthur, who is forbidden to spea
at the table had his revenge the oth'
day. As dinner began he was uneas
and finally said, "Ma, can't / spea
Just one wordi" "You know II
rule, Arthur" "Not one word!
"No, Arthur, not until your father I'll
ishes the paper Arthur subsidized vi
til the paper was finished, when |
was asked what he wished to 50,
''Oh, nothing; only Nora put the Gu
tards outside the window to cool, an
the cat has been eating them up."-
Exchange.
DIR. Paxton whose church Mr.. ia
Gould frequents, said to reporter wi
asked him if Jay Gould was a Chris
ian: sMr. Gould is not member
any church, and therefore is not an a
owed Christian. He is quiet, retice
gentleman, who would be apt to ke'
his religious experiences to himself
any event" 1t seems as ifDr. Paxtt
might be described as reticent ge
tleman, whose humor was delight
dry and used with admirable discl
tion.--LVe.
A Dead-Sure Pointer.-"Johnny
said the school-teacher, sin the Sc
tence "They held convention par
the word convention as it 20
ticsl convention, please, ma'am''
don't know, that hasn't anything to
with it" '.It would help me out co
siderable if knew it was poltit
convention" "In what wayf' 1t
cause then / could sort of take it I
granted that 1t was in the nominsti
case."-Merchasst Traveller.
In keeping with the customs N
mortal Day, and in respect to the n
mory of "Onr Nations Dead" I
Garfield Beach Management refuse
announce any Fourth of July, Hi
rah. Rows" prOQramme for that ds