The National tribune., 1888-05-10

TsI55slt @3s5/S<1 IN expected, and, like all
S.sE 2Ys. s559SY lin great criminals, ] find
tTsgt2/- EL&M 10 : myself to have become
tIEs&tg% n I'm a rather prominent
IGISlSSEss <I.9 parsonage; and in order
TIA4 81 IN to win greater glory
E@Z ~EIE35M am prompted to tell
hi IN Y E&5z5H@5SA another story of MUIR
VI ER--D E-/HsxS der and robbery, in
3 srt:T.ss<sss9s which /, as usual, took
S~ESTS)S IN an active parb-as SUI
4 ~ - =, 'l>NSzA perintendent.
~ ~ SgT3SA This outrage occur
~ * - Frs. fNEN " red a day or two after
eS<E<,SIL; sssssASGs kl9aeSA we had taken ''Tater
f-f<.-7>, - - Hill" We were young
and inexperienced in the art of war, as well as in
the matter oftruth aud veracity The ordersread
on dress parade, and promulgated by our fierce
looking Colonel, were true bills to Us innocents
when we started on that campaign; but, true
to nature, we soon learned, instinctively, that
good deal of this buster was bark and not bite,
So when old Gen. McQuistin (whO was our
Colonel them rode down the line about the
time referred to and issued orders against
foraging garnishing his language with pro-
fusion of profanity that made our hearts beat
fast, we knew that it only meant steal every
thing you can lay your hands on, but, d--n
you, don't let me catch you at It," Gen. McS4uls-
tin was the idol of the 123d. Few men Ia that
command but would have followed him into
God bless him; but how it shocked our hearts
to hear him swear ! used to always hunt
hole when the General was mad, for 1t was my
youthful conviction that there would some day
be another case of the Devil and Tom Walker.
When he was at a white heat with anger some
times. as l have seen him during charge l
was awful glad that was Just private in the
rear rank, and so small, too, that he wouldn't
see me, except by accident. At such times he
was a raging lion on horseback; yet, with
all his sulphurOus profanity, and though he
roared like cyclone, his heart was as tender
aud as easy of access as any mothers and he had
but one aim in view, and that was the care and
safety of his men.
This is not telling the pig story-for it's a pig
this time All" you will say, this mans a
hardened wretch. Why, he ought to be in the
penitentiary." Yes, l know l ought; but that
is just what every mothers son who was mem
Der of the 123d deserves just as much as do,
and don't want to be tried and broke on the
wheel unless the balance of the boys share the
fun too
As was going to say when was interrupted
by Gen McQuistn's profanity-or rather the
recollection of tive broke ranks that day
feeling that appropriating other peoples prop
erty was going-to be attended with great deal
of risk There was kind of intuitive feeling
in my breast that all the old General had said
was directed at me In person, and slipped out
into a thick ciump of hickory bushes lin the
edge of which the General had pitched his
tent to mediate upon the uncertainties of life
in general and the particular uncertainty of the
timely arrival of the Quartermaster's supplies
/ had not been in communion with nature very
long before l heard grunt. / raised my eyes
to behold nice, comfortably-fat shoat MUNICH
ing the refuse from the Generals table, which
had been thrown in the rear of his tent. had
registered a VOW not minute before to live a
aofc hell and
bareback during the remainder of my army
life, but the sight of that pig and the thoughts
of what delicious repast he would make swept
over me, an irresistible tide, that left no trace
of vows or good resolutions in its wake.
In three minutes there were three pairs Of
hungry eyes fastened on his pigship-Jake
Bryan's, Cal Applebee's, and my own. The plan
agreed upon was a stout hickory club pair Of
strong arms and swift and deadly blow on
the back of the head, and the deed was done
1t was unanimously agreed that there must be
no noise, no confusion, not even faint squeak
from the victim, else the army would be minus
three valiant soldiers, and the vast concourse
Of the dead would be augmented by an equal
/ number. Cal was as stout as a Norman horse,
and into his trusty hands to the best ofmy recol-
lection, knowledge and belcfJwas placed the in
strument Of death. Remember, we were within
10 feet of the Generals tent, or within 20 steps
Of our own stacked arms Then how neces-
sary was silence and caution in such an enter
prise! Heaven smiled until the blow fell, and
then such terrific and ear-splitting squeals as
rent the air, such dire confusion as ensued,
such pounding and thwacking at that poor
pigs head as followed, until his voice was
hushed in death, would have walked the dead.
/ verify believe that the racket we produced
was heard by every man within two miles Of
that spot-except, of course, any one in the
123d. None of our men heard it-not man,
but was sure at the time that it would be
heard on the other side Of the earth.
moment later and three men hastily seek
ing the depths Of a hickory tbicket, dragging
the body Of a pig behind. Them, night have been
seen by anyone who had curiosity enough to
investigate the source of an earthquake, but
the probabilities are strong that no one saw
anything Of the kind. The fact is, that every
one was too intent in either the performance
or the covering up Of some deyiltry of his own,
that he had no desire TO discover what mischief
we were up to.
Finale: We skinned his pigship and bore as
/ peace-ofering, portion Of him to Capt.
4 Dolby's tent, and one Of the hams to Gen Nc
| Qnistn's headquarters. The remainder was
divided up with the boys, and we sat down
with grateful hearts and vigorous appetites to
/ the portion reserved for ourselves.
! The last time ] saw Gen. McQuistin was in
! 1876. He was, if any difference, more fluent
and sulphurous than in 1864 and 81 Railways
/ excites my admiration 10 see a man do anything
/ well, even to being an adept in profanity, and
! have listened with the most exquisite pleas
ure to some burst Of eloquence on his part be-
1 fore now, and then gone off and brooded in
/ solitude over my own inability to reach even
/ the first round Of the lofty ladder from whose
! top he delivered his pronunciament0s.
! wish, however, to take this opportunity. late
/ as tits, to tender him not only my own sincere
and heartfelt thanks, but also those Of every
one Of our mess, for the sudden and impenetra-
bic solitude with which he surrounded himself
on that OCCASION and for the sound discretion
and mature judgment he displayed in not in
yestigating the source from which came that
ham.
My thanks are due to the many kind COM
rades who have written me, and especially to
| Comrade Ensfeld for his fattering remarks
OF the latter, would like to inquire If that
picture truly represents the extent of his grin
at the present time If il does. ] congratulate
him upon his muscle and strict attention to the
business in hand but all the same, / had rather
interview him from the top of telegraph pole
for fear, in case of any disagreement might
fare no better than the fowl in the picture
upon which he seems to be concentrating his
entire supply Of energies.
Comrades, let US have more Of the humorous
side Of army experience. Life is too short tc
spend in contentious and chickering's, but it il
quite long enough to put on record many Of
the ridiculous things that will bring n smile t.