Morning journal and courier., 1888-02-20
OF COURSE.

Under the hammer-The nail. Which nail? Why, your thumb nail, of course Puck.
 Judge-"Madam, what is your agea" She -"Your honor, I leave that to the mercy of the court. Buffalo Commercial.
 She Single, of eourse)-''Eyen the birds seem to be happier running in couples" He
 (a bachelor, suddenly remembering it is leap
 year)-"Yes, miss; but they are geese and
 know no better. "-Life. Small boy (near the window of restaurant -"Jest smell dat soup, Jimmy. Hain't dat
 6nea" Jimmy (holding his nose)-''I hain't
 smellin' no soup ter day; it 'ud spile me ap- petite fer de roas cbicken."-Life.
 Hostess-'Let me help you to some more
 salad, Mrs. Newcomb." Mrs. Newcomb-
 ''Just a little, please" (Thoughtfu1ly). "I
 wish you would let me copy some of your
 recipes; all mine are so rich. Now look here, sir! First you threw over my beer glass, then you burned hole in my coat with your cigar and now you call me an old codger. If you say another word shall sit down at another rtable.-Frankfurte1 Zeitung
 Eastern railway manager-"What's the price of coal now?" Assistant-sfNine dol. lars ton" ''Humph Send word to the passenger brakemen to use coal very eau l tiously. We don't want any more car-stove nOrrOrS."-Om6na w OTTO.
 Cold waves are generally preceded by the merous and eminently reliable weather prophets, that thaw is about to break loose, and that red flannel for the next week will be superhuous and unhealthy.-Bur- lington Free Press.
 A Brave and Trustful Girl-Young Man "Are you not afraid, dear, to intrust your future happiness to my carea Remember, it may be a case of love in a cottage" Girl (heroically)-"Ah, George, can you doubt my lovea And besides, we spent last sum- mer in Newport, you know, and the cottage we occupied was simply delightful. "-Har- per's Bazar.
 It was in Dakota court room and the judge wound up his address to the jury as follows: "I don't deny that the prisoner done the shootin', gentlemen, but think of the provocation. The corpse was pastin' ur Wear Pants? And, begosh, the prisoner just rig up and he sez, sez he; 'No, sir wear brooches ? And then he shot," Yer dict-"Not guilty."-Drift.
 q hear" said Boston woman to a rosy, spirited western girl, "that the society of the West is really very good now, so that one need no longer hesitate about living there on that score" "Yes, indeed" was the enthusiastic reply. sOur society is first A-N&
 60 diamond pins and real seslskins in one
 Sunday at church, and when it comes to 8
 full dress display we ain't behind anybody .''
 Judge Gary was hearing case that called
 for jury trial, and after the usual wrang- ling that always tries his patience the jury
 was secured and sworn. The judge settled
 back in his chair, thinking that the cass was
 fairly started, when up jumped little Ger
 man who was sitting in one end of the jury
 box. 'Shudgel" he exclaimed. Well,
 what is itP asked the judge shortly.
 ''shudge, t'ink like to go home" "You
 can't go Sit downl" "Shudge, I don't
 t'ink make good shuror." "You're the
 best on the panel. Sit down." s'Well,
 Shudge," and the little fellow was getting
 desperate, 'I doan' speak goot English. J
 "You11 not have to speak any at all. :" "And,
 Shudge, I can't make nodings oudt of vot
 dose fellers Gndicating the attorneys) are talking aboudt" ''That's no excuse. Neith-
 CT can anyone else. Sit downp'-Chicago Tribune.