Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1888-04-02
Grandpa's Soli1oquy.

1t wasn't VIII n was young,
We used plain language then;
We didn't speak of ''them galoots,'
When meaning boys or men.
When speaking of the nice hand-write
OfJoe or Tom or Bill,
We did it pla1n-we didn't say,
''He swings nasty quill.''
An when seed gal we liked,
Who never failed to please,
We called her pretty, neat and good,
But not, .'about the cheese"
Wei, when we met good old friend
We hadn't lately seen,
We greeted him-but didn't say,
''Hello, you old sardine."
The boys sometimes got mad and fit;
We spoke of kicks and blows;
But now they "whack him in the snoot,"
And "paste him the nose.'
Once, when youth was turned away
From her he held most dear,
He walked off on his feet-but now
He "crawls off on his ears
We used to dance when I was young,
And used to call it so;
But now they don't-they only ''sling
The light fantastic toe'
OF death we spoke i'll language plain,
That did perplcx
But in these days one doesn't die
He ''passes in his checks.
We prili ed of common sense;
ellis judgments good,'' we said;
But now they say, Well, that old plum
Has got a level head"
It's rather sad the children now
Are learning all such talk;
They've learned to ''chin, instead of chat,
And ''waltz" instead of walk.
To little Harry yesterday
My grandchid, aged two
L said, ''You love granGpaP" said he,
"You bet your boots do"
The children bowed to strangers once;
1t Is no longer So
The little girls well as boys,
Now greet you with ''Hello!"
Oh, give me back the good old days,
When both the old and young
Conversed in plain, old-fashioned way,
And slang was never slung.
1t does not take very expert artist to
draw party lines.
A good many dough heads are still
found among the upper crust.
The prettiest things in Spring bonnets
are the heads of many of the wearers.
The man who is s'wedded to art" gener-
ally lets his relatives support the family.
Mamma-Who dwelt in the garden of
Eden, Freddie? Freddie-O, 1 know, the
Adamses
A Paris paper says, 1.-THE people of ST.
Louis, d. T., are dying of disease called
the billiards.
Judge-Who are your accomplices?
honor would not have
me divulge professional secret?"
There isn't more innocent little thing
N the world than brook trout, and yet
It it has made hopeless liars of thousands
IF men.
The man who is not straightforward
md honest-who tries to be all things to
al men-generally ends by being nothing
20 anybody.
She-Lan' OBJ de libenl Brudder Eli
Did you come on de kyers or by private
He-Private conveyance,
walked.
Words have been aptly termed the edge
stones of speech, and many of them have
IN exceeding keen edge, otherwise we
should hear of no such thing as a cutting
'emark
'sWell, Harry, what are you doing now
a-days ?" Writing for the press. Thank
ess sort O. work, amt it?" 'Bless your
leart, no. Bout everything write is re-
urned with thanks. "
ssThere are many unknown heroes whose
names are never blazoned in historys
)ages." And one of them is the man
yhe suddenly sits down in the slush and
gets up singing hymn.
Minister dining with the family
You were nice little boy in church this
Bobby. / noticed you kept
,ery quiet and still" Bobby-'Yes, sir,
was afraid of waking pa up"
s'Do you not think, Miss Smith," he
pleaded, "that in time you might learn to
owe me?" Possibly the girl replied.
If you could render me a statement of
What you are worth, Mr.. Jones, I might
earn to love you. 1 am very quick at
igures."
Omaha dame-"Didn't you know be-
ore your marriage that the man you loved
lad contracted the liquor habit?" Neg
ected wife-''Yes, / knew he had con-
racted the habit, and if it had only stay
ID contracted l should not have complain
ID but after marriage the habit expanded.
The cheapest and simplest gymnasium
n the world-one that will exercise every
zone and muscle in the body-is a fat
,iece of steel notched on one side, fitting
lightly into wooden frame, and after
having been CREASED on both sides with
bacon rind. rubbed into stick of wood
aid lengthwise of a Sawbuck.
One of the most tender-hearted men in
his country lives in an adjoining county.
For NEARLY two xraarS ha kapt tba cror,o+