The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1888-08-28

flhe hesh rs swiilfng bat TIE spiflps%eakI"'
oyGOdntry and city Ways. Lefty Isay t&itil
very thin purse JAA"l am So tfred,u rye been
tshoppihg an day. What have you z fbeeif
doinsY' couhtry Lady tarrns fuif OF padk-l
| ages "" Bgyihg"' d '' n's,'", Hns 1ol u
Talking l&iss9 s9top 81 Chem st 11sS 1l1pFoudRS Ill, q
This is my eldest boy, Mr.. ofHoggaryy.P +
Mr.. O'H.-"Sure, Mr.. McPill, 1t didn't want
anybody to tell me that 1 can see your
liniments in his face"
| A tribe in the palm region of the ANA
zon cradles the young In palm leaves In
this country palm also enters largely In
the work of bringing up the young, but 1t
is used more in threshing than in grading.
| As literary centre Chicago now out
| ranks Boston. The facts seems TO be
clearly established that judicious mixture
OF pork with beans makes diet more con-
ductive to the growth and development of
literary culture than beans alone.
viii run through the week.-"You seem
TO be fond Of roast beef, Bobby" said the
minister who was guest at Sunday din
ner' Yes, SIR" replied Bobby, "but will
be tired of it by the time that roast beef is
all gone"
Mother Ito meddlesome child)--"Edwin,
II you don't stop putting your fingers in
that oxalic acid, the first thing you
know you will be on your way to heaven"
Elder Sister (solemnly)-"Yes, and If you
do go, just think; you would never see
your dear mother again!"
Tired and worn.-Mother (to daughter at
an evening party)-''You look tired and
| worn, Cicely, dear. ] cautioned you
| against dancing too much" Daughter
III haven't danced for an hour, mamma;
| Mr.. DE Lyse, this is my mother"
Daughter-"Papa, dear, Mr.. Sampson is
coming tonight, and wish when you go
TO bed that you would close the transom
over your door" Father (humbly)- )-"DoI
snore so loudly as all that9" "Yes, pappa;
| and don't want Mr.. Sampson to think that
that sort of things runs in the family"
But don't uderstand about this phono-
graph. How is it done2 What is it Iikep"
why, it is simply talking to machine in
| stead of TO ears of flesh and blood" Talk
| Ing to machine2" Eyes, talking to a ma
chinei not precisely as Pm doing now, but
| very Tuch the same"
The police officers at Niagara Falls have
been Instructed to arrest all persons who
may hereafter visit there for the purpose of
performing daring feats. This doesn't in
| clude the young man who takes his bride
to the Falls, with only fifty dollars in his
pocket and expects to have enough left to
pay his fare home.
"Now, Cicely," he said as they seated
themselves on the grand stand, ''if there is
anything you don't understand, just ask
me and I'll tell you all about H." "Thank
you, George" replied Cicely. "Who is
that young man going about with the
glasses; is he the umpire?" "No; he's the
soda-water man. Here, young man, give
us two glasses of lemon"
"Will nobody separate these dogs2" ex-
claimed the humane man, with righteous
Indignation. "Have you no feelings, sir9"
he continued, addressing big fellow who
seemed to be taking delighted interest in
the combat ''Feelin's, pard?" was the re-
ply. "Feelin's? I've got $50 bet on this
fight, and my dogs on top, Chaw i'm,
Zeke"
Culture among the masses.-A fact
Old lady Cooking over art student copying
at South Kensington from the old masters)
NOW that's uncommon bright and
pretty, amt it, John? Some thing like
picture calls that" OLD gentleman
"Yes, my dear. l wonder (rumnatively)
what they're going to do with the old
ones 2"
Tailor-"To tell the truth, Mr.. Sprigg-
lett, this piece will hardly be suitable for
bathing costume, for it is sure to shrink
after being wet" Sprigglet-"Oh, nevah
go near the nawsty horwid wattah, deah
boy. Just sit wound on the sand and en-
tertain the deah ladies, don't ye know.
just give me something stwikng, and
something that the sun doesn't fade"
Frank Gin the lobby. .--Ex-L Liberal Whip
81 say, Watkip, you have shown little
cross-yoting lately. What are we to con-
slider you now-Conservative or Radical,
Wing or Tory?" Sir Edward Watkin-
"My Lord you must not consider me Con-
servative or Radical, Wing or Tory, l am
for the union--Of France and England;
am Channel-tunnelist."
Tremlow-"Gone completely, Siggy!"
Sigamund-"Wh is it? l saw you an
hour ago, and you were getting on SWIM
mlngly with that stunning Mershmalow
girl Tremlow-''So l was, me deah boy,
so was; but just when began to get over
my bashfulness little, she turned around
and asked me If wouldn't like to come
over and play with her little sister some
afternoon"
Il don't see how l can CO." said Mrs.
McStyle; ''really have nothing to wear"
"Nothing to wearl" exclaimed Mr.. Mes;
where is your cream satin?" ''Why, John,
how ridiculous you arel You know that
that is worn threadDare!" 81 don't see how
that can be. You have not worn it above
three times" "Very true; but then, think
OF the times had to try it ON while it was
making"
"Of course see you're joking" said
Mrs. r., with knowing look, interrupt
ing her nephew, who had just commenced
reading aloud the title of paragraph in a
newspaper, "a University for Wales.n
You can't take me in quite so easily. Uni
versity for whales, indeedP And yet" she
added retlectively; "when was in Corn
wall, heard them frequently speak of a
school OF herrings.' SO you may be right,
after ALL"
Two brothers, William and Stephen
Grant lived on contiguous farms in New
Brunswick. William had a lawsuit with a
man named somers, and defeated him.
somers started to drive home from town
one day, aud overlook a son of his enemy.
The boy was unknown to him. Although
kno wing Somers well, the boy asked for a
ride, resolving TO be very careful to hide
his identity. After driving short distance