The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-12-09
BEING A WOMAN
What dhe Has 70 Do and What the sieruer
sex Don't Do.

be as ugly as home made IN ana stil!
he popular. Whiskers cover up the
most Of his face, and even though he
has a mouth big enough to take
in a whole mjnco pie at
single bite, nobody suspects It
II he has wrinkles, nobody thinks he
is getting old. but talk about tho lines
Of caro- Oh his forehead Lines Of care
humph. II niue cases out Of ten those
lines Of care were caused by him scold-
ing bis wife when dinner was two
minutes late, or when one OF those
masculine buttons popped of, and,
oh, my, what a hullabaloo he
sets up then. But nobody say,
anything about lines Of care on
her forehead Oh, mol And mans
nose might put blood rcd beet to
shame; but nobody suspects he drinks.
Oh, no A woman must always be
Just so. must look charming and sweet,
no matter how sour she feels; she must
sing, and play on the piano and say
something nice to everybody. Her
dress must hang and fit just so, have
the latest puclcr, even IL Is was made
in old Noah S time. She must wear
80. shoe Oh q 10. foot, and look
we'll dressed on q cents q week. She
can't 70 out alone at night, as woman
must be protected she can't be q Free
mason. as she'd tell all about the goat
and the creased pig; she cantwhistle
climb fcnccs. stone cats, or say what
she feels when she gets mad. She
can't 90 accounting, but must manage
some way 10 pet married before she IS
25. or everybody will feel terribly hurt
over it and sigh and wonder why she
don't take, and all the old maids
ab.l widows in the neighborhOod will
smile and nudge each other. oh,
those significant glances are fifty times
worse than open slander. It's an
awful thing 10 bc an old maid and
everybody knows it. Even the
women who are married 10 drunken
husbands, and fight and quarrel
the seven days out OF the week.
liye IN an agony OF spirit over her ana
talk about tho poor old maid And II
she has had q sweetheart once, and he
goes with any one else now, people
smile when they see her and quietly
reraarE She got left, % when, IN all
probability. he was the one who got
left But she must marry well, and
marry well means marry rich and 10
gct married in some peoples minds, Is
Tie whole aim OF woman existence
And when @ woman does get married
the whole town put their heads to-
eather and talk over the matter
II she is good enough for him. no
mention is made whether he is good
enough for her or not. Oh no. Then
they Will relate anecdotes, how stlngy
her grandfather was; how lazy her
Aunt Polly was, and how her grand
mother used 70 sell beans and butter
milk. and sweeten her coffee with mo.
lasses. She must be a good cook, and
do up her husband shirts 50 that when
he gOes down town, past Chinese
laundry, John VIII gnash hls teeth,
grow green and yellow with hate and
envy. and twirl his pig tail IN the
air with the same unholy passion. She
must be- able 10 lay her hand on every.
thing in seconds time that her lord
and master may want, for u man
never knows where to find anything.
He will put the bootjack away, ten.
DERBY hide it IN the darkest corner OF
the closet then he'll turn the house
upside down, from the top to the bot
tom, and suddenly appear 10 his wife,
with cOuntenance like that OF the
avenging angel, and demand Nv hat
In thunder have you done with the
bootiack" She must shut all the
doors likewise all the bureau drawers,
for q man never was known 10 shut
either A woman always has to 90 tc
bed first III cold weather. He never
asks her to do this Oh, no; wants &c
finish this piece in the paper, dear.
and waits until she has tue sheets to
comfortable temperature. She mus
always take caro- Of the baby, even
though the first infantile wonder hai
multiplied into u round half ol
three fourths Of a dozen, as III!
case may be. Ii he doubles VI
/ with the colo, whcoping cough 0l
I the necessary CFlls VI cutting N~StH
paregoric, bad temper, short sleeves
bare legs and pins sticking IN him, h'
wants TO know why she don't keel
her baby quiet. aud speaks as II sh'
alone was to blame for the racket
When she feels bad nobody tuc.,s
shawl over her on tho couch, or cod
dies her as a man has to lie coddleC
under such circumstances. Nobcd!
closes the door any softer when he
head IS splitting with a headache
Now ii there is q man living wh'
thinks 4 woman has an easy time JUS
let him have his hair pulled 10 the ~
of his head and a pound more pinne'
on that, get into a pair OF corsets, u
half a dozen Republics around hi
waist, get into dress that lie can
more than breathe in, and can't pu
his hands to his head without poppin
open a sleeve, and be woman awhil
and see how he likes it himself
Douglass Lee in ST. Louis Republic
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- 18th "a lie v1ll