Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-09-19

II seems queer that the "hold" of a
ship is not used to anchor her with
Ex.
No matter how. dull times may be,
the hackman does driving business.
-Ex.
A thing that is lightly passed over
just now is the fence surrounding a
watermelon patch.-Puck.
The left bower-the man who isn't
recognized by the lady to whom he
lifts his hat.-Burlipgton Free Press
Washington has summer home
, for cats" II is said to be surround
ed by a caterwaul.-Norristown Her
aid.
Are you engaged to Miss Eclat?
No, not exactly. But when l ask
cd for her hand she gave me the refusal
! of it.-Ex.
When the cash here is here, then
the cashier is here also, but when the
cash here is there, the cashier is there
likewise.-Ex.
1t assists family man considerably
in keeping cool, to take ice. but it
makes him hot when he gets the bill.
Merchant Traveller.
81 don't like Squildig,' observed
Mr.. Snages. "He's too temporizing.'
That's So" rejoined Mrs. Snages.
"I've often seen his temper rising. y
Elk.
The man who promenades at mid
night with the infant heir to his title
and estates is like prudent general.
He retreats from a tack Merchant
Traveller.
Parent-Do you think, Mr.. Filkin,
that you can support my daughter in
the style in which she is accustomed I
Bright young mani think l could
if you would let us board with you.-
Ex.
There is a strange partiality shown
in giving the elephant, which has a
Ay-proof hide, tail at both ends,
while the thin skinned horse has fly
brush only at one end.-Norwich
Bulletin.
Tubley (bashfully and removing his
hat spasmodically)-Is Miss Tremor
inf
Maid-She is, but she is engaged.
Tubley (who settled things last
night know it-I'm the young
man.--Ex.
Patron-Waiter, how's this?
How's what, sir!
found this cigar holder in the
soup.
Well, well I'm glad of that. I've
been hunting for the hanged thing an
hour.-Lincoln Journal.
did you not kiss the plaintiff con-
stantly when you called on her ?"
Defendant Gin breach of promise
suit)-"Yes l never stopped kissing
her while l was in the house. but l
did it in self defense-to keep her
from singing."-Ex.
Charley (who is buying a toy for
his little nephew)-Aw, isn't the paint
on Observation-Disclosures to the health?
Saleswoman (demurely)--I don't
think, sir, you will find it any more
so than the varnish on the head of
your cane.-Drake's Magazine.
"Now, Waldo" said Boston lady,
"the minister is to dine with us to-day
and i want you to be good little
boy"
"Yes, mamma"
"And if the subject of prize fight
ing is brought up at the table you
must be sure and say slogger, not slug
ger.-Ex.
Customer-Have you got any ap-
pie pie to-day'
Waiter-We're just out of apple
pie.
Got any hamburger cheese, then ?
Sorry, sir, but our Limburger has
run out, too.
Well, couldn't you run out doors
and chase it in again !-Yonkers
Statesman.
Young man." said the solemn fac
ed gentleman to the urchin who was
putting with all his might at cigar,
"let me warn you in time that that is
frightful vice you are cultivsting."
Il amt scared of IL"
"But are you not afraid of bring
ing your poor fathers gray hair in
sorrow to the grave" ?"
mo, l amt"
"Why not'"
HBecause nana's bald. headad ..