davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
MMake Me Un When Kirby Dies"

In 1S4G or 1s47 an old actor named
Kirby was great favorite at the famous
Chatham Theatre on the New York
Howery. Kirby was strong on melo,
drama and could die so pathetlcally that
he always captivated the house in that
scene. Once be was going through a
particularly dull play and kid in the
nit rev weary. Stretching himself for
a nap he requested his nearest neighbor
in tono clearly audible: "Wake me up
whom Kirby dies"
The expression raised hurrah. The
curtain vas rung down and Kirby was
obliged to make a speech. Wake me
up when Kirby dies" was Bowery ex-
preston from that time down to very
short TINA a2p. -Nev York Warld.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
Tho Cradle Of Samoa.

The Samoan cradle is torture box.
The baby IS lashcd to board with strong
thongs. Under the head is a pillow
formed of moss or rabbit skins. and q
piece of wood is placed over the head at
at incline, and is hcld in its place by
cords that reach to the foot of the queer
cradle. The forehead is bandaged, and
the pressure of the inclined board grad
ually tlattcns the head of the child to
the desired degree. Imprisoned thus.
the baby passes the first eight months OF
its existence. luripg all This time 1t la
never wholly reeas ed, though varloua
bandagcs are taken off at stated intervals
from motives of cleanliness. A fiat head
is the Samoan type of beauty.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
The Privilege Denied Them

A traveller, who returned from two
weeks vacation among the Maine water
ing places, relates an amusing incident
that occurred at a small New England
hotel where he chanced to stop for day
while jonrneying to Bar Harbor. The
hotel was a small one, and the principal
person in charge of the Office was the
daughter of the proprietor, a buxom lass
of probably twenty summers.
When the morning of departure came
this fair Diana presented the hotel bill to
the traveller, and it SO happened that
neither of them could change note that
was rendered in payment. In a gallant
way the traveller, who had something of
the Don Juan in his nature, although he
did live on Walnut street, smilingly Of
fered to kiss the young lady and let the
change go. She drew herself up
haughtily, "I'd like you to know, sir,
that in this shotel we don't kiss tran
sients," she replied in freezing tones.
"Such privilege is only given to per-
manent boarders. Will you take a pros
pectus for next eason2"-Philadelphia
Tinnns
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
His Sentence Commuted.

"Evelyn," said young Mr.. Buttercup
huslRily, 'spsak one word of hope to me.
DO not crush me with your disdain. You
soy you do not love me now, but if I
should come to you at some future time,
perhaps-perhsps-oh, Evelyn, you see
my sud condition. Ought I not to re-
ceive something more than a cold dis
missal2'
"Perhaps so, considering your condi-
tion," said Evelyn, softly.
"Then," exclaimed the young man,
joyously, 'you would change your SEN
tence to-"
"Ninety days." murmured the beauti-
full girl. Cnicrso MwS.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
RELIGIOUS READING.
aUnder the Shadow Of His Wings."

aUnder the Shadow of His Wings."
Under His sheltering wings, as spread
Over each faithful servants head,
They safe shall rest;
Never can harm, awake, asleep.
Come to the saints whom God shall keep,
Divinely blest.
Never the pestilence, by night,
Never distractions noontide blight,
Shall here invade;
Never shall sun, nor moon here smite,
Those who Of God are his delight,
He is their shade.
Rest and repose to them he brings,
Who shall abide beneath His wings,
No danger there;
He shields against incoming foe',
He safely guards from earthly woes,
For them will care.
Under His wings above we soar
Where surging ills disturb no more,
We mount, we rise,
Lifted on high, the soul now sings
Gods wondrous grace, o, wings, o, wingl
Beyond the skies.
III. Byington Smith in Baptist Weekly
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10

his signature with the others he saw
that the writer just before him had in.
scribed the comment, 81 came here for
change and rest and got it." Quick as
thought the witty clubman penned be-
meath it: 'T also came here for change
and rest, but the walters got the change
and the landlord got the rest. ."-Ns1o
York Press.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
His Red Nose,

81 will give $500 to the man who will re-
store my nose to its natural color" said a
well-dressed man in hearing of Philadelphia
Ir=sS reporter recently. Then as if to give
zest to his remark, he gulped down big
drink of whisky, and, putting the glass down
on the bar, he took a long and wistful look
into the dim prospective Of his life when his
nasal organ was Of the tinge it should be
now. 'Idon't know how it ever got 80 red,''
he continued, after ordering "a little Of the
same" At this remark the bartender
wnked slyly at the mans companion ami
gave significant glance at the empty glas,
on the bar.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
TEMPERANCE.
The Last Glass.

The Last Glass.
A merry crowd, careless throng,
Where foaming glasses, jest and song
Filled up the hours.
There gathered rough and bearded men,
And fair-faced boys, within that den
OF Satan's powers.
One came as often as the rest,
To share the flowing wine and jest,
With reckless air,
As if pursued by fiends within
He sought the place where drink and dil
Soon banished care.
One night the usual glass was poured,
Amid the revels songs encored
By those who heard;
The poison almost finds his lips
When from his hand the goblet slips,
Without word.
A muttered oath-a dogged air
A sudden lula general stare
Then loud and clear
He spoke: ''Fill me another glass;
My nerves are shaky--let it pass
Here's to all here"
He lifted up the glass again,
But set it down and faced the men
Who sat around.
'Boys," and his voice was hoarse with dreac
81 cannot drink that glass" he said
A sudden sound.
Like smothered laughter-then his face,
All stern and White, subdued the place,
All silence fell.
81 cannot drink it, for there lies
Within its depths pair Of eyes,
Like heaven and hell.
"I cannot drink it. for there swims
A face above the foam that brims-
The face Of one
Whose heart would ache to see me here;
Whose heart would break, am 80 dear;
Boys, I am done
"Done with the poison; here's my hand;
And with Gods help mean to stand
By all say;
And stand by her whose dear face lies
Between me and the revelries
leave to-day"
Emma Lyndon. IN Detroit Free Press.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
A witticism of Larry Jerome.

One of best stories told Of the late
"Lary" Jerome is that when travelling
not very long ago he stayed at hotel,
the proprietor of which asked him, when
he was about to depart, to sign his name
in book not quite like an ordinary ho-
tel register, but one used, after the
fashion OF IN old English custom, for
the purpose Of obtaining the names OF
distinguished guests.
When Mr.. Jerome was about to place
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
Something Burning.

They were sitting on the porch and it
was growing late.
"Would you mind if lighted cigar,
Miss Clara2" he asked.
'Gertainly not, MIR. Sampson" she
roplied.
And presently the old man, who was
getting desperate, spoke from an open
window above:
"Daughter," he said, 81 left my rub.
Der overshoes near the kitchen stove and
you had better see to 'em. I can smell
something burning. g."-Philip p. Welch.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
Getting Even With Her.

Mrs. Culver (waking in the night
"John, Pm sure there's burg lars down
stairs"
Dir. Qulver (sleepily).-"stuff! Let
'em burgle."
Mrs. Quiver-"O, John! didn't you
promise at the altar to protect me2"
Mr.. Quiver-'Bah! And didn't you
promise to obey mel It's stand off,"
-Judae.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
A Punishment Fitting the Crime

A Punishment Fitting the Crime.
First Counterfe1ter-"J "Jimmy, did you
know that the garret had been burglar.
lied of every one of that last batch OF
dollars"
Second Counterfeiter (bitterly)-"And
yet they call this a we'll policed, law.
abiding city. One consolation, the sin
of the internal thieves will find them out.
They'll be sure to get caught showing
that stuff. It's the poorest lot we ever
turned out.-Siftings.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
AD,alopue With a Climax.

Scene, newly married pair on bench in
park. Old gentleman supposed to be
Isleep.
"My darling"
He-"AIy dove"
she-"My My doggiel'
He-"My pussie"
She-"AIy duckr'
He -"My pretty b;rdie!"
Shc-"My goosie!"
He-'My kitten"
She-"My y ch ckee"
IIe-"My lambkin."
Oil gentleman Gnterrupting brutally
-"Can't you call each other Noah's arks
and have done with it2'-lde1.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
How He Got There.

1O" II0 OOC IH6ECs
Friend Ito dentist t)-''Now that you've
got the Custom House job you were
after 1 s'pose you'll give up pulling
teeth2
Dentist-"Yes. indeedy."
Friend -"How did you manage to get
that job, Charley2"
Dentist-'I had q strong pull
Sytings.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
He Enjoyed Water.

"Ah, that is nice and refreshing"
said Billy Bliven, as he set down the
soup at the boarding house table.
"I'm glad to learn you liked it." said
the landlady.
"Yes," replied Billy, enthusiastically.
''If there's anything that do enjoy its
big refreshing draught of pure water. "
Merchant Traveller.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
That Greedy Dog.

"What is the baby crying about,
MaggieT'
"Idon't know, mamma"
"And what are you looking so iudig-
nant about"
THAT nasty dogs been and took and
eaten my sponge caker'
"Why, i saw you eating sponge cake
a minute ago!"
"Uh, that was baby's"-New Yorb
World.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
A Little Music.

Young Mr.. Sissy (who prides himself
on his music--"So you would like to
hear me sing before 60, would you,
Bobby4"
Bobby (politely)-"Yes, sir; if you
would be so kind"
Young Mr.. Sissy-"Are you particular
about what 1 sing"
Bobby--"Yes, sir, I would like to
hear some of what Sister Clara calls your
alleged singing. ."-EpOch.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
Nearly Exhausted.

Young Man Ito editor)-"Did you re-
ceive poem from me, sirl"
Editor-'I believe did"
Young Man-"After looking it over
were you able to do anything with its"
Editor-"Yes, I had just strength
enough left to throw it in the basket."-
Bazar.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10

The doctor said: "This is a stone,
And proof there is in plenty,
The frogs been in it all alone,
Say, cons ten or twenty"
A granger scoffed: "Sl, if you please,
I know, and tell you truly,
It's nothing but hunk of cheese,
Made down in Ashtabula.
job Fish, Jr., in Puck.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
Inherited Traits.

BlifEns (wrestling with his infant
~ never knew before how much Florinda
takes after me-"
Wife-"Takes after you. Howe"
Blitfins-"Well. to begin with, she
has my hair-ouch!"- !"-San Francisco
Examiner.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
Went to the Bad.

Woman Ito tramp)-"Have you got
any friends or relativesw
Tramp-."I have brother, Bill"
Woman-''Is Bill a tramp, too2"
Trump-'No; Bill didn't turn out
very we'll. He tried most everything
and finally drifted into the milk busi-
ess."-Iime.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES

Watering and Frogging Milk-In-
herited Traits-Gettine Even
With Her-Nearly E1-
hausted-Etc., Etc.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10
Presidential Candidates.

1889 George Washington. No opposition.
1792 George Washington. No opposition.
1875 John Adams. -. Thomas Jefferson.
1900 Thomas Jefferson. John Adams.
1904 Thomas jefferson. c. c. Pinckney.
1908 James Madison. C. G. Pinckney.
1912 James Madison. DE Witt Clinton.
1916 James Monroe. .. Rufus King.
1920 James Monroe. mo opposition.
1924 John Q. Adams. ;. Andrew Jackson.
1923 Andrew Jackson. John @. Adams.
1882 Andrew jackson. Henry Clay.
1886 Martin Van Buron. VIM. b. Harrison.
1910 VIM. H. Harrison. Martin Van Buren,
1874 James K Polk. ..... Henry Clay.
1913 Zachary Taylor. Lewis Cass
1859 Franklin Pierce. -. Winfield Scott.
1855 James Buchanan. John G. Fremont
1860 Abraham Lincoln..S. A. Douglas.
1854 Abraham Lincoln. g. b. Mcclellan.
1858 U. S. Grant. .......H .Horatio Seymour.
1879 U. i. Grant. ....... Horace Greeley.
1915 r. B. Hayes. s.. j: Tilden.
1880 James A. Garfield. :. w. S. Hancock
1894 Grover Cleveland. james G. Blaine
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-10

five years, for ten years, for twenty years,
yon have been making chain
But here I take step higher and tell you
there is power that can break any chain
chain of body, chain Of mind, chain Of soul
The fetters that the hammer Of the Gospel
make a mountain The captives whom
Christ has set free if stood side by
side, would make an army. Quicker
than a ship chaudler's furnace ever
melted cable, quicker than key ever
unlocked handcuf, quicker than the bay
onets Of revolution prie;i open the
Bastie, you may be liberated and made q
free son or a free daughter Of God You
have only to choose between serfdom and
emancipation. between chain and coronet,
between Satan and God. Make up your
mind and make it up quick. When
Thrace, he sent word to the people in the
different regions asking them whether he
should march through their countries as a
friend or en- enemy. "By all means as a
friend" answered most of the regions, but
the King of Macedon replied: "1 will take
time to consider it." Then" said the
King OF Sparta: "Let him consider it,
So Christ. our King, gives us our choice
between his friendship and his frown, and
many of us have long been considering what
we had better do: but meantime He marches
on. and our opportunities are marching BY
And we shall be the loving subjects OF Hi
reign, or the victims Of our own obduracy.
So, urge you to precipitancy, rather than
slow deliberation, and write all over your
soul the words Of Christ saw inscribed on ths
monument Of Princess Elizabeth in the Isle
of Wight, the words to which her index
found dead in her bed after lifetime Of
trouble: "Come unto Me, all ye who arr
weary and heavy laden, and will give yor
rest" Is there druukard here! You may. by
ths saviour's grace have that fire Of thirs
utterly extinguished. Is there defraudel
herel You may be made q saint: Is there
libert;ne here2 You may be made as purt
as the light. When q minister In an outdoor
Los Angeles daily herald., 1888-11-04
TICKET COMMISSIONS.
The Instructions Issued by tI
Dissen ting Roads.

The Instructions Issued by the
Dissenting Roads.
The ticket commission still agitates
the agents a good deal in this city. AS
stated in the HERALD the Rock Island,
Wabash and G. and A. roads decline tc
enter into the non commission agree
ment, and will pay the customary $3.50
on every ticket sold over the Iowa lines
as usual. The following are the instruc.
tions received by the agents of the Bur.
lington and the G. and N. w.. these
with the Milwaukee and st. Paul, bein,
the roads that have made the new com
pact:
"You are imperatively instructed al
follows, to take effect October 80, 1885,:
First. You are not permitted to re
ceive any ticket commissions, directly o.
indirectly, from any one.
Second. You are not permitted to pay
any commission to any San Francisco
representative of any railway, except tc
such ticket agents as are supplied with
tickets of the issue of California terminal
lines who are acting as the agents o
such roads exclusively, and not at the
same time acting as the accredited rep
resentative of any other railroads.
Third. The fact that the commission il
desired or deemed necessary for the pur
pose Of cutting rates or meeting competi
ton, or for any other purpose whatever
will be no excuse for q deviation from
| the above rules.
Los Angeles daily herald., 1888-11-04

was over the crowd extended out in all
directions almost into the street. The
speech OF the evening was to be by tn Q
hon. William Williams. At about
O'Clock he began to talk, but in the con-
fusion it was some time before he could
| be heard at any distance. No sooner
would he get himself well wound up In
an entanglem cut of figures on the tariff
or half way into some thrilling appeal
not to sell out the country to England,
than some back country band would come
up and join itself into the crowd to blast
Marching Through Georgia" into the
ears of the entire audience. After this
performance had been repeated half a
dozen times large part Of the crowd
grew weary and dispersed; the rest re-
NAMED to listen to Uncle Billy's husky
| utterances.
The Hon. Mr.. Williams talked for
| about an hour in his own characteristic
| style. He told how the Dairymen's As
sociation met in Chicago and begged for
the reduction of the tariff on salt and re-
marked that they must have been Demo
Gratis or they would not have done it. He
was not in favor Of reducing the tariff on
tin because it would be even more of q
relief to the Standard Oil Company than
~ Woo W tlc ldTIuoTS Ol Oal1fOrUlA.
His remarks were devoted chiefly to the
tariff and the British Lion. He INDUCED
in long appeal to the workingmen, who
were conspicuous by their unanimous
absence, and ended with variety of
prophesies which, after the 9th of No
vember, will be like the tent that kept
the rain off while he talked-"For sale
cheap"
The following is description of one of
the events OF the evening:
EDITORS HERALD-A very peculiar in
cident happened during the procession
on Main street near Market. A man
named Thomas O'Brien, residing at No.
| l8 Blume street, hurrahed for Harrison.
One of the men carrying torch thought
O'Brien was Democrat, and showed his
torch in O'Brien's face, burning his
mustache and eyebrows. This was wit
messed by William Kuhrte, of AZ Buena
Vista street; William Fricke, of II East
First street; G. A. Meyers, of 95 Turner
street, and boy belonging to Jacoby's
clothing store. This was exceedingly
polite treatment from a member in the
skid glove" procession. Yours,
f, r. w,
Los Angeles daily herald., 1888-11-04
LOCAL LINES.
A Prize Fight Between BUS.
Drivers.
TICKET COMMISSION TROUBLES
The Last Splurge of the Loca
Republicans-Other Inter-
esting Events.
LOCAL LINES.
TICKET COMMISSION TROUBLES

A very interesting fight for blood took
place yesterday evening about O'Clock
near where the Santa Fe track crosses
Roy street. Two ,bus-drivers who are
known by the names Of Doughnuts and
Boston Beans had been aching for some
time to settle the question of supremacy
and pursuant to agreement met at the
above named place where a ring was
staked off and fight with bare knuckles
commenced. The first round was
devoted by both ,Doughnuts and Beans
endeavoring to find the others weak
joints, and it did not begin to become in
teresting until toward the close. Beans
was just preparing to land right handler
somewhere on Doughnuts physiognomy
when time was called.
The second round was much livelier.
Doughnuts forced the fighting and drew
first blood. Heavy blows were ex-
changed, and Beans retired to his corner
in rather ratified condition.
Doughnuts got the worst of the fight in
the third round. Beans managed to land
a left handler on Doughnuts eye, and the
rest of the round was uninteresting.
Doughnuts, however, came up smiling
for the fourth round, and displayed such
activity that Beans was thought to have
lost the fight.
The fifth round was hot one. Beans
got his blood up and went at it hammer
and tongs. the result being that Dough
nuts threw up the sponge.
A sorrier sight than the two bus
drivers has seldom been seen. Both
wore marks that time alone can efface
A steak was applied to Doughnut's eye
but it disappeared. There were ten wit.
nesses to the fight. Young Riley was
time-keeper and Dutch Jake was referee
Los Angeles daily herald., 1888-11-04
THE LAST Err".H.T.

A Torchlight Procession and q
speech by Hon. VIM. Williams.
The Republicans got the first layer oil
streak of bad luck last night which will
culminate in their downfall next Tues.
day. The bad luck came in the shape oi
drizzling rain which began early in the
evening and lasted through, with short
intervals of cessation, until after their
procession and meeting was over. The
good account for it will afford a reason
able apology for their failure to come up
to expectations.
As the last grand final blowout of the
season, in which not only all the clubs
of the city but those of neighboring
towns as well, and the rabble generally
versally conceded that the affair would
surpass anything that has been arranged
thus far by either party. It was by no
means as respectable an effort, however,
shortly after the nominations were
made by the Free Whisky Convention at
Chicago, and was not to be compared
WILL tA0 bCCOAu Ldb1uCdtlOu pIOC6bSlOu OI
the Democracy on the occasion of the
Hon. Stephen M. Whites return. 1t
took about fifteen minutes to pass First
street, and when counted there it showed
1l60 men in line. The count was made
at this point by J. B. Clark and L. B.
Noyes, couple of railroad men, whose
enumerations made independently were
found to tally. At another place nearer
!, v1osvk ri, %1o, l.
HERALD reporter counted 700 in the
ranks.
1t was like all professions in its noise
and glare. Fireworks were discharged
recklessly right and left into the crowds
and against the windows of the buildings
lining the streets. One genius who sat
with the driver of the hack containing
some of the candidates, and probably
pretty well loaded with free whisky, in
sisted upon shooting two Roman candles
at once, and usually managed to spot
some unfortunate victim in the crowd.
The transparencies were not very num-
erous, and were for the most part de.
voted to the interests of various local
candidates, a fact of broad suggestive
ness as to the question of the origin of
the sinews OF war for the entertainment.
The Pomona Club brought with them q
hugh signbosrd bearing the legend,
Pomona is the home of Murchison. u
This failed to elicit much enthusiasm,
the spectators evidently not consideril g
the Murchison style OF performance was
anything to be proud of. The line was
led by the West-End Republicans,
mounted on horseback, and they formed
one of the best appearing portions Of the
whole outfit.
The wigwam on the corner of Fort and
Second was well filled almost before the
procession started, and by the time it
Los Angeles daily herald., 1888-11-04
who Wants to BetP

A subscriber of the HERALD, who has
left his name and address with this
office, wishes to remark, through the
columns of the paper, that he has $500
cash which will "talk" on the subject of
the general election if any Republican
can be found disposed to q similar kind
of argument. He says he has been try
ing for several days to Ak the money,
but has thus far failed. Any one who
will call here can have the name and
address.
Los Angeles daily herald., 1888-11-04
Maree Exonerataa /.

An inquest was held yesterday after
noon on the body of Henry Watson, who
died from wound received while escsp-
ing from the custody OF Constable Magee,
of Lancaster. A number of witnesses
were examined and their testimony
tended to show that the shooting was
accidental. No witness saw the shot
fred, but some of them had seen Magee
fall over the deceased in the manner he
had said and had heard him say at the
time that the shot was accidental. The
|coroner's jury found verdict exonerat-
ing Magee from all blame. Magee, who
had been in custody since the accident,
was discharged and returned to Lam
caster,