The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1888-04-19
Merry Moments.

Merry Moments.
II will and DEVISE" says the mill.
ionaire, and when he is dead his
heirs devise ways to circumvent his
will. 1t is almost enough to discour.
age man from trying to be h mill
ionaire.-Texas Siftings. s.ss
Bronson Alcott, tn. Concord School
Philosopher, has left fifty-seven large
bound volumes of diary. He is prob.
ably the only man in one hundred
thousand who didn't abandon h::3
diary when the year was only six
weeks old.-Norristown Herald.
Lord Erskine. when Chief Justice of
England, presided once at the Chelms-
ford assizes, when case of breach of
promise OF marriage was trie:1 before
him, in which Miss Tickell was plant.
ift. The counsel was pompous
young man named Stanton, who oren-
ed the case with solemn emphasis,
thus: ''Tickell, the plaintiff, my
lord" when Erskine dryly interrupt
ed him with: "Oh. tickle her yourself,
Mr.. Stanton, it would be unbecoming
in my position"
"John," said Mrs. Brown to B., who
was absorbed in his newspaper, you're
forever buried in that old paper. All!
you used to have plenty to say before
we were married." eyes," retorted
Brown, "and then you had very little
to say; but, by Jove, you've made up
for 1T ever since. New York Sun.
At the Philadelphia station. She
II don't see why they're always polk
ing fun at Philadelphia. See all these
people: There is lots going "-He
--"Going on-yes, to New York and
Washington."- Life.
II know it," said the bereaved wild.
over, gloomily, to the friend who was
trying to console him. mo amount OF
grievin' will ever bring her back.
Nancy wuz allus turribly set in her
ways"
II typewriting machines could only
spell correctly they would be in more
general demand in good soclety.-Pic-
avune.
Crnsus-How much did you say Mr..
Newgold vas down for? The minister
Five hundred dollars, sir. Crnsus
Put me down for 5000 then.
In q matter of Christian charity |
can't stand on level with an upstart
like hlm.-Puck.
Country man lat dessert) What
dye cali this stuff, waiter? Wait
er-Blanc mango, sir. Country.
mani should say it was blank
mango; it's blankety blank mango.
Take away your mango and gimme
pie.-Liie.
"My grandfather was so near.sight.
ed that he couldn't read circus post.
ers." "That's nothing. Mine was so
near'sighted that he lost his life try.
ing to milk mule"
A Chicago journal used to rhyme
Goethe with teeth, until the Renais.
sance set in, since when it rhymes it
with dirty.
"Always pay as you co." said al
old man to his nephew "But, uncle,
suppose have nothing to pay WITH"
''Then don't co."
When a woman loves it's because
she can't help it; that's all.-Phila.
Call.
"HOw was your SON when you
heard from him last?" "He wrote
me that he was so ill he could neither
sit nor stand" '''rhen il he tells the
truth he must lie''
Police Sergeant: us the man dan
gerously wounded?" Irish police
surgeon: ".rwo OF the wounds are
mortal; but the third can be cured
provided the man keeps perfectly quiet
for at least six weeks"
''Jnst think" said Mrs. Walkin to
her maid, "the very next day after
my new black dress WAS sent home |
was CALLED to 90 out OF town to a
funeral" wasn't that nlce?" was
the absent-minded reply.
There is a story told in the French
war Office, to the effect that FOR ten
years a soldier was stationed in the
passage leading to the minister's pri.
vate apartments, with orders not to
let the peole touch the walls. But no
one seemed to understand why this
was done. Now, a new minister of an
inquisitive turn of mind determined
to find out the explanation OF a
circumstance that his fifty predeces.
sors had never remarked. But no
one could give him any light, not even
the Chief clerks, nor suboldinates who
had been in service half a century.
But a certain doorkeeper, an old fel.
low with a good memory, recollectcd
that on q certain occasion a soldier
was placed there because the walls
had been painted, and the minister
wife had got a spot on her dress. The
paint had dried, but the sentinel had
been left.