davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-02-26

comba.ants. whether Mr. Barbour accompanied MI
wiso with malice Aforcthought, moroly acted a.
referee upon thospur of tho momont, am unable 20
saw Thorc are rumors to the efoot that Benedct VIII
challenge Wise to furthor deadly combat with vii
famous saltpotre,s but everybody knowing Mr. Bon
edIcts sretirings disposition only laughs at such
rumors
A gentleman recently returned from trip through
the South has been telling me OF tho wonderful
procress that section Of tho country has made within
the last ten years. Among other things to note the
progress Of that region no mentioned the adoption OF
tho Northern fashion Of covering the natural scenery
with gigantic signs Riding railway near Raleigh
n c. he saw painted on a big rock thls cheerful advice
the wayfaring man:
TRY SMITHS COFFTNS AND CAsKETS
"That certainly, was an iplaoed advertisement"
said an Army officer to whom mentioned tho above
But continued no, 1T not half so painfully
out OF place as an advertisement | In the course
OF The war. Heavy fighting going on at the front
The wounded In great numbers being carried past
US to the rear their fate may BIO ours was the thought
OF all Of us. At this moment when ones backbone
little distance from me, paper which looked 50
much Like a notice OF horse raco or public saio
that I left my command and rode up to read It.
"Phansy my felinks," as Yelowpiush says when
I read tho following:
BOpIES OF OFFICERS CAREFULLY EMBA1IMED
AND
FORWARDED BY EARLY EMPRESS TO THEIR
FRIENDS FOR $50.
n B.-The bodies Of priyates at halfprfce.
q -, Undertakers and EmbalmerA
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-02-26
WE'LL INTENDED SUGGESTION.

al shah have to spank you" said an Allegheny
mother to her three year-old daughter You have
boon a bad lttle girl"
Suting tho action TO the word, az they say In
novels the child placed In the proper spankOTal
position, whom she squirTned around To get = view
Of the maternal eye, and observeds
go II light, mamma
The spanking was postponed
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-02-26
p. T, BARNUM's THREE RULES,
Hsw they have boon followed In New.Yerk b. Z
Woman who never heard Of them.
Extract from prtva< letter.
- Nxw.YoRx. Feb %, 1883.

k&T0et U0W o YTtVoN tsuSf
80 NEwYoRx Feb a. 1888
in his book FIRST gain tho confidence Of the public
supply .hs best tina. csn b oS,snod. Third sdve,
had been reading al article quoting ngh
snss 'Ss; s
temporary causes such ~ anxiety grief fear hhumor,
eto.. and was telling me how Mrs Harriet Hubbard
contained ali tho virtues Of her Vita Nuovs' tonic
remember his saying: This Vita Nuoya CORRECTION
SssSs Sss SSSS S
!iOn. and remarked; You put that in you: pocket
When went home that night found that my wife
bad been worried all day altut rhldren, and that
od WO sna coSass sSs oOd s
conversation OF my friend and the CONNECTION had in my
s a oo na 0 sSas S
one little confection had cured her.
then began 70 be interested in the subject ard tho
carried into practice by Mrs Aver First she had gained
the confidence Of the public being upright honest and
public believed in honesty Second she bad sup.
piled the best there was know that 70 be the case ~
al Ser haS her sneak 1c s
as to tho ooniection. just think Of IT. worn
take last cold takes confecton her cold gone
and she herself again My friend was tight when 10
said This CONNECTION strikes the ~ tho business
1t puts 20 ar nerves where they ought be- and cold
IS Of tho question: It does not contain any pecss
opium any poisonous substances so commonly found
ing in the old paths in regard colds but the vita
Nnova CONNECTIONS" believe have solved the problem
and for coughs horseness and throa, troubles there
Mr. Bsnum's rules advertisements II you read the
papers especially Sunday you will sec this last rule has
HENRY HUDSON.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-02-26
NERVOUS !!|!!! INy !!,!;;!,!!s |!

Msssrs SCOrOH OATS ESSENCE CO.
Gentlemen; For The mast thirty years hare been max
ino specially Of Brain and Neyve Diseases and Mare
used ,rerv Nerre Tonic and Yeurac preparation intro
dueed 10 ne profession ring ha! time Nerer ho~srsr
In most varied experiences hars met 'eh reedy 90
universally applicable aud successful n Nereo" DIS
eases as POUR DR. Buckiand's Scotch Oats Essence
have used il wiA the greatest sac ess ana ~'er e0ey
thing else had failed IN Paralysis SIC pess"es' Ne"ras
oa Of he aee heaG. comb aud orar.ss' Soea, D''nx
snn.ss Opium and Morphine Habas Headache Brdi" En-
hn,.stion Hvseyso 10 TAape found ptedsanf TO take.
prompt and tasting ~ IT, setiOn. and a. sio't eertai"
soceiac for these conplains and bslievts to Be ne
creates. Nerve Tonic knoen ehserffy recommend =
bota lay brother physicians and the public generally
verv Respectfully Yours
MILLARD n FLOWERs. A. VI, N. d,
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-02-26

The Ton. Timothy J. Campbell has sworn to abolish
the Marine Corps and when he says thing he means
IT. This Is what caused II:
Some tlmo ago no visited the Brooklyn Navy Yard.
A largo stone wall surrounds the grounds, which you
have to skirt order to reach the quarters of the
officer in command. Favored ones, however,
mako a short cut through little side gate but they
must have a pass. sentry always guards this gate
"Timo walked up to this sentry one day, after giving
his white neoktc all oxtra twist, and attempted to
enter the nclosure
NO thoroughiaro," crIod the sentry
"No whatP
"No thOroughfare."
"Weu | guess / pass" said "Tim,' drawing
himself up and giving his tic another turn,
Not except you have pass"
"Won don't need a pass" remarked "Tim,' as
surIngIy, q am member OF Congress"
"Come, now, movo on haven't time to fool with
Won any longer. Move on, say Orr
"Tlmn was now thoroughly rousod ~ say, am
the Honorable Timothy ). Campbell from the With
Congressional District Of New York-and don't you
forget IT, e added, with a significant wink at the
sentry.
Dut the latter didn't bulge Ito only laughed at
Tins and finally, when the Honorable gentleman
rot a trlho excited, ordered him peremptorlly of.
vowiuc vengeance atm" departed. He made d.
rectlv TO the Commlndant's quarters. Here he sat
Cd his grievance He listened to attentlvely, and
nresently the sentry was sent for.
md YOU refuse let this gentleman pass 2" asked
Colonel Hayward
eyes. SIR"
Didn't he tell you who no vast"
ayes SIR"
aWcll why didn't you lot him pass, then7p
Because he said he was a member OF Congress,
and knew then that he was liar"
atm hadn't word to say after that; but since
,bcn he has sworn to abolish the Marine Corps. And,
NJ course, he viii do 1t.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-02-26

At the dinner Of tho Washington Alumni OK BOW
dom College, on Monday last. Senator Frye told
new story about Mr.. Evarts, which Is worth repeat
Ing Mr. Evarts. so his colleague says Is very
dilatory. Whom q subject is committed to him In
the Senate It Is likely to remain committed for
long time He Is chairman OF tho Library Committee
which has not held meeting this session, and Is not
likely to-. Senator Hoar said to him ono day:
"Evarts when you have meeting Of tho Library
Committee. wish you would inform my executors
aCertanly,n was tho prompt response, 81 should
DO delighted to inform your executoY."
may add that Senator Frye probably charged his
colleague from NewYork with being dIlatory only Tor
tho purpose Of his story. for Mr. Evarts Is well
known to attend diligently to the business before
the important committees OF which no Is a member-
that OF tho Judiciary and Foreign Relations. IL Is
true that the Library Committee has not mot yet
This session. but this IS not Mr. Evartss fault t IS
due to the action Of the Speaker OF tho House, who
by mistake and contrary to law appointed greater
number OF members to represent the House than that
body was entitled to. Tho Library Committee you
must know is Joint Committee OF both Houses OF
Congress-
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-02-26

aThe RepubIlcan, tells a new story OF Justice
Lamar,s observation-disclosures whilo chairman OF an I'M
portant committee In tho Senate, some years. ago,
no started from his house one morning In great
haste to attend meeting OF his committee Nearing
tho Capitol a gust Of wind blew his has Into the
street In tho opposite direction from which he was
going After his hat had travelled q considerable
distance up tho avenue 1t was finally captured by
small boy and presented to the Senator who in kind
ness gave him a quarter for his services. Aftor
brushing tho dust from his hat he placed 1t on his
head and continued to walk In the same direction
the wind had taken his hat, up tho avenue toward
tho Treasury Department Mr.. Lamar not thinking
which way he was going continued to walk rapidly
until he reached tho Treasury P1ilding' passea up
tho steps, jumped into the elevator and told inc
man TO put him ont the second floor, which he
did Mr. Lamar turned round tho broad hall, opened
tho door OF a ROOM when. much to his establishment,
whom should he find but the Secretary OF the
Treasury Instead o. being in the Senate committee
room he was I'm the Sccrctary's Office
at havo made a mistake" exclaimed Mr. Lamar
al thought in the Capitol"
Then turning toward the door he retraced his steps
intending to take car to the Capitol Through some
mistake he took tho wrong car. and when no looked
about he found himself In Georgetown, threo miles
from tho Capitol Ho asked tho conductor how long
Il would be before he could get car for tho Capitol
3Flvo,mnutcs,n was the answer
IT, "IiiiV tho Uat wa, passing tho
War Department old naval friend OF Mr.. Lamar's
got aboard. They entered into conversation, and
before Mr. Lamar knew It, ho had passed tho Capitol
and the car had como 20 a standstill at tho Navy
Yard. He remarked to his friend that he had been
trying to get tho Capitol to- attend committee
meeting all the morning. 1t was thon so p m.
Lamar saw a stray hickman passing slowly, and
hailed him he asked the driver II he could take him
to the Capitol and how long 1t would be to take him.
Fifteen minutes"
Mr.. Lamar got into tho hack and was driven off.
In twenty minutes he had Joined his friends in the
committce-room.
Lamar, where In the world have you been"
Well gentlemen" said the amabe MlSssSlpplan,
have been ever since 10 o'clock trying to get here
by way Of tho Treasury, Georgetown and tho Navy
Yard and at last hired hickman 10 deliver mo at
tho Senate hore," he concluded, ready
for any business which tho Democratic party may need
me for"
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-02-26

gentlemen ought no longer to indulge.
Well. it is Lord Durham's description. Lord
Durham has declared that everything he said was
said deliberately, and he is prepared to stand by
II all in q court Of law. He has the proof OF
what he affirms The Jockey Club is confronted
with this dilemma. Either Lord Durham's state
ment is untrue or racing is, in the opinion OF one
OF their leading members, pursuit In which gen
tlemen ought no longer to indulge. Lest this
dilemma be not difficult enough, MIR. Chaplin ex-
prcssly demands that Lord Durham should lay be-
fore the stewards Of the Jockey Club, without
. moments unnecessary delay, all the information
he has In order that this foul stain shall be
wiped away from the club at once" But what
happened? Toward the end Of the meeting the
Duke of Westminster, an honorable man If there
be one on the turf, appealed to Lord Durham to
say whether he could back up his accusations or
net. i; he can, said the Duke, let us have CON-
mittee If lie cannot, let him disclaim them
will give Lord Durham's answer in FULL
Lord Durham-As the chief part Of my speech
will come before the law courts it will be unneces
Sary for me 10 take any notice Of the other charges
ht present. / am most anxious to tell the club
] did not wish for one moment to ImDute any.
thing TO any member Of this club. The Duke OF
Beaufort has asked me If would say that. 1t
certainly not my intention TO do so. l have
ton hs memSss Of % any p
general charges about employing jockeys and so
On, 1t Is not my business to become public prose
cutor for the Jockey Club.
From which two things appear. The chief part
Of the gmcrack speech, the chief aim of it's author
was personal attack on Sir George Chetwynd.
The second thing is that in his opinion the purity
Of the turf and the purity OF the Jockey Club are
not convertible terms Yet we have been told pretty
often Of late that the Jockey Club is the guardian
of the morals OF Tie turf the tribunal appointed to
purge out sins and sickness. When the gravest
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1888-11-30

NTOTlCETO CREDIFORS.--Th undersign-
IN cd Trustee hereby gives notice. under an
order of the Circuit Court for Hartford county,
as a Court of Equity. to all creditors of RACH Ell
l.. HOPKINS, of said county, TO file their claims,
proven according to law. in the Office OF the Clerk
Of the Circuit Court tor Hartford county. on or
before the LIST day of May next.
l6noy HERMAN STUMP Trustee
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1888-11-30
The Secret Of Success,

What is the secret of your success, Judge ?"
inquired a young law student of one of the
most successful lawyers in the Northwest.
well, said the Judge with a retrospective
air, 81 don't know as there is any secret
about it. In my younger days had arough
row to hoe, but l hoed it well. There was
lots of work in those days to do, but the pay
was small. When was STRIPPING of from 10
to IS, used to hire out to neighboring farm
ers during the season ofhaying embarrassing.
They came to know me and always could get
higher wages than older and stronger men, and
because always made 1t my haying or my
harvest, working as if the field belonged to
me. Whether my employer was present or
absent it made no difference with my work.
And that has been my single rule of work
through life, at the blacksmith's forge, in
the harvest field or as a hired attorney at the
bar.l worked with might, mind and strength
in any cause in which l was engaged
Now that's the whole of it-and surely it is no
secret.
"But II is great secret, we regret TO say,
that large numbers of young men never learn;
and if man does not learn it early In life the
chances are he will never find it out. At any
rate, it is true In fact that this simple rule of
fidelity TO the interest of employers is not
made the rule of practice by thousands of
men employed in the various trades, cailiDgs
and professions, in the service of individuals
or the public, for wages or fees. They do
not work as if they had any interest in the
business, but simply TO get the pay for it
the largest possible sum for the least work."
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1888-11-30
How a Dog Was Buried.

The Philadelphia Times tells us this little
yarn Some time last week a gentleman
living on Walnut street lost valuable setter
dog. The dog had been sick some time and
finally died. When the owner was informed
of his bereavement he engaged the services of
venerable colored gentleman who did odd
jobs about the neighborhood to offlciate as
undertaken for his dead favorte. The vir-
tuous Ethiopian agreed to see that the obse-
ques were suitably attended TO for the mod
crate sum of $3.50, and upon receiving his
money departed, bearing the remains of the
dead setter in a bag on his shoulder. In the
evening he returned, filled with the satisfac-
ton that one generally experiences after the
performance Of a noble deed, and the follow
ing conversation took place well, Sam,
did you bury the dog p "Yes, sir. He am
buried fur fact" "Wbere did you bury
him'" "Well, sab, rode down 10 the car 10
the South street wharf, and then met lit
tie boy. Son. says l, will yer hold this
bag fur five cents till come back?' And
gave de boy de bag and he took de next car
fur home. De dawg am buried sure, sahl"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1888-11-30
Registering Women Voters In Boston.

We are indebted to "staff correspondent"
for the following anecdote concerning the re-
cent registration of female voters in Boston.
Its accuracy is vouched for by an eminent ar
tist-one of the most distinguished stone-cut-
tiers of the Hub.
Enter old lady of certain age
81 wish 10 register, SIR"
"Your name please ?"
"Almira Jane Simpson
"Your age?"
"Beg pardon"
"Your age p
"Do understand that l must give my
age?"
ayes, miss, the law requires It,"
"Worlds, sir, would not tempt me to give
i'll Not that l care. No; had as lief wear
it on my bonnet, as hackman does bis num-
Der; but Pm twin, and If my sister has a
weakness, it is that she dislikes any reference
made to her age and could not give my
own, because don't wish to offend her"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1888-11-30
VARIETIES.

Innocent Youth-"How / admire Miss
Tranquille's calmness She never loses her
self-possession." Tart Maiden-"And never
will. None of the young men want herr
Mr.. Agile to. Mr.. Stoutman, who was
running after horsecer-"Why, old boy, l
thought you were too lazy to rum" Mr.. s.
Easily explained laziness runs in our fami
ly"
what are you doing now, Thomas ?"
asked the minister, patroniziDgly. 81 am
writing for the press" said the lad, proudly.
do you write~ 81 direct wrappers"
Very stout old lady (watching the lions
fed)-"Pears to me, Mister, that amt very
big piece O. meat fer sech an animal" At
tendant with the greatest and most stipend
Gus show of politeness on earth)-"I s'pose
it does seem like a small piece of meat to
you, ma'am, but it's enough for the ion."
"A Yale graduate, who was a student
about thirty years ago, said, in speaking of
changes that had taken place since his time:
II never knew whether to attach any signi-
tcance to 1t or not, but when l was there the
Law School adjoined the jail, the Medical
College was next the cemetery, and Divinity
School was on the road to the poor house."
"A girl at a boardng-school wrote to her
father, who was an eminent lawyer, asking if
she hadn't right to object to great horrid
dog always taking the whole ola pavement.
The lawyer wrote back-"You are right in
objecting to the principle that the dog is en-
titled to the whole of the pavement, but prac-
tcally if he wants it, you had better let him
have it,"
Mstress-"Well, Bridget, did you see the
dentist?" Eyes, ma'am." "Did he pull
your toothP' "Shure, ma'am, he did not
lay hand to pull at all. He scooped it out
wild wee hoe, an then he druv it in to stay
ieriver, wild plug on the top o. 1t to keep 1t
tight. I'll never be caught dom the likes
ag'in, ma'am. What with his upsettin' the
safe he put me in, an tyin' a dirty bit ov an
old gum shoe in my mouth, for bib, an
maxim noise the size ov coffee mill in me
head, I'd as leave walk the floor an scrame"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1888-11-30
No Fancy FOlderOlls.

A country schoolmaster gives the follow
ing account of visit at the house of very
conservative and "opinonated" old lady,
whose grandson, Cyrus. q bright boy Of
twelve years, was one of his pupils, He re-
commends her rs the best extinguisher of
pedagogues enthusiasm he ever met:
"Cy tells me you want him to git one of
these here grammar books" the old lady be-
gan.
YES" replied the teacher, "Cyrus is old
enough to know something about grammar"
"Well, he jest amt goin' 10 waste no time
over SIGH trash" said the old lady sharply.
Whats the good of grammar toa farmer 2"
at is a very useful study for any one"
"Will 1t learn Cy how to rise the biggest
taters and kcbbidgesY"
Well, really" said the amused teacher, 81
don't know that it will"
mo, reckon it won't. An here's this
count book called fezzoogy Cy sban't touch
it,"
at is useful study"
"Well, it may be good enough for doctors
aud drugstore folks but us farmers amt no
use for it, declare if it didn't give me the
shvers to have Cy come home las night an
say he knowed how many bones | had. He
amt no business to knowing SIGH things.
told IN Id whip IN if lie ever said SIGH things
again"
at might be valuable knowledge to him
sometime"
NO, it wouldn't nuthcr, said the old lady,
stoutly. "a body's bones an muscles an
all that amt nothin' to do with farmin
He shaDt study that agibray, nulher."
"What shall he study ?"
"Let him learn how to be smart at figgeis
SOS he can tell how much hogll come to at
nine cents pound, providin' it weighs
four hundred and seventy-six pounds; let
him write in his copy-book till he can sign
his own name plain an let him learn how
to spell anything from 'ba' to 'concatena-
ton That's all he II have any use for. None
OF your fancy folderols is needed on this
farm"
And the old lady shut her thin lips sharply
and looked hard at the teacher as if she had
settled the matter for Cy and the whole dis
trict.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1888-11-30
THE PARADOXES OF SCIENCE.
Some of the Odd Things That Life Daily
shows Us.
From Blackwood's Magazine.


The water which browns us, q fluent stream,
can be walked upon as ice. The bullet,
which when fired from a musket carries
death, will be harmless if ground to dust be-
for being fired. The crystalized part of the
oil of roses, so grateful in its fragrance, a
solid at ordinary temperatures though readily
volatile, is compound substance, containing
exactly the same elements and in exactly the
same proportions as the gas with which we
light our streets The tea which we daily
drink, with benefit and pleasure, produces
palpitations, nervous tremblings and even
paralysis, if taken in excess yet the peculiar
organic agent called theme, 10 which tea
owes its qualities, may be taken by itself (as
theme, not as tea) without any appreciable
effect.
The water which will allay our burning
thirst augments it when CONCEALED into
snow, 80 that it is stated by explorers of the
Arcti cregions that the natives prefer endur
ing the utmost extremity of thirst rather
than attempt to remove it by eating snow"
Yet if the snow be melted 1t becomes drink
able water. Nevertheless, although if melt.
cd before entering the mouth it assuages
thirst like other water, when melted in the
mouth it has the opposite effect. To render
this paradox more striking we have only to
remember that ice, which melts more slowly
in the mouth, is very efficient in allaying
thirst,
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1888-11-30
The Egis& Intelligencer
Unpublished EVERY FRIDAY BY
f. w B A K r r.
Terms-si.5o a Year, In Advance

TRANSIENT ADvERTIsEMENTs.--0ne Square
Insertions or less 81 so. Each subsequent insertio
20 cents Longer advertisements in the same pro
portion. Aspace equal to six lines makes asq uare
Flgure-work double price.
Obituaries and Personal Communications Will
beinserted at ten cents per line.
~ Yearly advertisements tspecial rates.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1888-11-30
Origin OF Handshaking.

In early and barbarous times, when every
savage or semi-savage was his own law-giver,
judge, soldier and policeman, and had to
watch over his own safety, in default all
other protection, when two friends or &C.
quainiances or two strangers desiring to be
acquaintance, CHANGED to meet, they offered
each to the other the right haLJ, alike of Of
tense and defense; the hand that wields the
sword, the dagger, the club, tomahawk or
other weapons of war. Each did this to show
that the hand was empty and that neither war
nor treacbery was intended. A man cannot
well stab another while he is engaged in the
act of shaking hands with him, unless lie be a
doubledyed traitor and villain and strives TO
aim cowardly blow with the left while
giving the right, and pretending to be on
good terms with him.