The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-06-06
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Always comes out on top-hair.
No thorough-fare-An oatmeal dinner.
A copper trust-getting credit for
cent.
Money is an enigma that everybody
must give up.
A chess tournament is always played
on the square.
The canned article that goes the quick
est is dogs tail.
A dentist will file your teeth but not
for ready reference.
When man claims the earth it is time
to unearth his claim.
Something that should be looked into
"a pretty girls eyes.
1t is unfortunate that little money
doesn't go long way.
If thirty.two is the freezing point,
what is the squeezing -point9 Two in
the shade.
A good many women who have mar
ried dry goods clerks have got two yards
of illusion as premium,
He-"Do you believe in high license,
Fannie2' She-"What kind of license2
Marriage license2' He changed the
subject.
"Who is that MANI" "He's the SER
want of old Smith, the undertaken"
''Ah then he's the valet of the shadow
of death. y Toon Topics.
A Pttsburg man calls his wife by the
beautiful title "Nirtue," because she is
her own reward. She does all the house
work and gets no wages. Graphic.
''One swallow does not make a sum-
mer," but it may have occurred to you
that one grasshopper makes more than a
dozen springs. Norristo,on Herald.
like spring better than the fall,
Said Robinson to Brown,
Because in fall the stoves put up -
IN spring it's taken down.
Boston Gazette
Mr.. Agile to Mr. Stoutman, who was
running after q rse-car-"Why, old
boy,I thought you were too lazy to run"
Mr. S. Easily explained; laziness runs
In our family"
A warrant was recently issued in
North Carolina town for the arrest of
man for committing an assault with
deadly weapon, to wit, certain vicious
and large bull dog"
The West Chester Ne,cs suggests that
a man can hardly trust signal service
report that predicts calm weather when
he has to hold his hat on with both
hands while he reads it.
The candidates boomlet now bunglingly
boometh,
And bashfully buZzeth the beggarly bee:
In the bulge of his bonnet it busiy hummeth
A song like the sob of the sad sounding sea
-Chicdgo Tribune
A Congressman, on receiving his hat
from the cloak-room, asked the waiter
how he knew it was his hat, and was
promptly answered; ~ didn't know it
was your hat; only knows it wuz the
hat you CUB to me-"
Daughter-''M Mamma, wouldn't it be
just lovely if we only had necks like q
giraffe" Mamma why, my child2
What advantage would it be to usp
Daughter-"W could taste our ice
cream so much longer. - Tid-Bits.
Mamie-"Mamma, can't 60 over to
Kitty's house and play awhi.ep Mamma
(hesitatingly)-'T don't know, dear. |
yes, you can 90 for Just little while"
Mamie (demurely)-"T you, NAM
Which rise to remark,
Aud my language is plain,
That for ways that are dark
And for tricks that are vain,
This climate Of ours is peculiar.
Lincoln (Neb) Journal
Tramp (piteously)- "Please help
poor old cripple" Kind Old Gent
| (handing him some money Bless me,
why, of course. How are you crippled,
my poor fe.lowl" Tramp (poeketing the
money! Financially crippled, sir"
The Sun.
You have very sour look this morn
ing" remarked cucumber TO his
neighbor, a dyspeptio strawberry. Yes, }"
was the tart reply; zone is necessarily
unpleasantly affected when compelled to
associate with such scedy party as you
! are" "Caulillower by any other name
twill smell as sweet shouted an onion
near by, with peel of laughter. .-Nss0
! Yopl Sam