The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1888-05-18
sBOWsBR'S LOVE LETTERS.
HIS WIFE PRODUCES THEM AT TUE RIGHT
MOMENT ANr MAKES HIM sQUIRM.

"Of course O. ..rfr, .t'-.
"And now that you are married,
you will probably burn 'em."
"That's just what l was going to do"
SWELL don't. Keep 'em to the long
est day you live.' 7.t ad. -
"Bnt why!'
"Because they will be stronger wea-
pons than all your tears, pleadings or
arguments. Nothing will bring hus-
band to time like q sight of some of
the love letters he wrote before mar
risge.' $500 lt.s r7-g 500 tl+
l took her advice and have always
been glad l did. On several occasions
l have used them to bring Mr. Bowser
down off his high horse, and the fact
that they bother his peace of mind is
proved by the fact that he has several |
times hunted tie house over in my ab-
sence in hopes to lay hands on them.
Something went wrong at the Office |
the other day and he came home can
tankerous. He held in until he got to |
the supper table, and then broke out
with: . iIallfD ss.H.r..,
scot any name for these things
herei' la. ...a.4e uf .a. .I
"Yes, dear. They are called bis
cuit." ".sJ .t .5aI 4at Il
swell the man who calls 'em fit to
eat onght to be shot l. Mrs. Bowser,
why is it l can never get anything
decent to eat in my own housei"
"Why, Mr.. Bowser! No one could
take more pains than we do. In order
that the biscuit might be extra good l
went out and made them myself
"HumphP el ua sei p..
"There was a time, Mr.. Bowser,
when you raved over my cooking
'Never! l knew from the day L set
eyes on you wading across mud pud-
die that you could never cook. You
can sing very we'll AS well as some
bad actresses-but you cant cook" I.o
"And il will prove that you once.
hungered for my cooking you will
81 will give you fifty dollars cash in
hand!1s7lI re- 1uI on .5irU .eEpal
After supper went upstairs and
brought down several letters. Mr..
Bowser had got his nose into a maya
zine and wanted the matter dropped,
but read to him the following ex,
tractsi
"An1 thought, darling, while eat
ing supper that night, how proud l
should be over your delicious cookery
when we had home of our own. The
thought of those biscuits alone makes
me hungry. Good bye, my pet" "
"Who wrote that!" sternly demand
ed Mr.. Bowser.
"You did"
'"When?"
"Three months before our marriage"
i "Never! si
"But here's the letter dated and
signed
SIT is base forgery, and the forger
must beware! How could have prais-
ed your cookipg2' r....-
"You also used to praise my singing,
Mr.. Bowser ~. ..., ,..',,r.-..... a.
s'Never!' s..r ...
"Oh, but you did. Let me read:
"And, precious pet of mine, let me
again thank you for that beautiful
song, 'The Lovers Farewell" and the
exquisite manner in which you render
ed it. 1t drew tears from my eyes,
and l was not ashamed of them. You
! have one Of the purest, clearest voices
l ever heard. .
"Who wrote that!" he gasped.
"You did"
, ''Mrs Bowser don't carry this thing
too far! There is limit beyond which
; you must not go!'' s.7 rI
swell, here it is, in your own writ
: ing and over your own signature.
Once in awhile you fling out hin,
that am very dull. There was time
when you thought different.
''Look out, Mrs. Bowser!"
: "Yes, you did You even thought
me the smarter of the two"
"W-what! Am l awake or dream
r ing!' .+ is-.
"Wide awake, Mr.. Bowser. Let mt
read you an extract from this exhibit
r marked 'A'":
81 don't see why you should go bacl
to Vassar. Few young ladies
are more accomplished or better edu
Gated. All your friends, myself includ
ed, give in to you on the matter o
s grammar in particular. Hope to se
It you as usual next Sunday, my dea
g little honeysuckle."
r Mr.. Bowser sat and looked at m
7 like one terrified.
"And, sir, you often fling out abou
: the size of my feet. admit that the,
= are as large again as should have OF
!, dered from dealer, although / wea
" No. SIS with great deal of comfort
!. Let me say, however, that your mothe
" " wears 6's, your three sisters So and tn
u two girls you kept company with be
! fore we met wear full-size 6's wit
a broad toes"
"Mrs. Bowser, do you suppose wi
: stand such insults 10 my own house!
he shouted as he sprang up.
i "Are facts aud truths insults! / hav
u !, been reading from your letters"
~ "Never! Never! If l ever wrote sue
!. stuff | was crazy!'
" "But here is Syour signature. Yo
- remember you used to want me to sig
% my letters "Rose- bud" and you signe
= yours soak Leaf
> 81 never did! No power on cart
~ can convince me that l was such TO,
e as that!"
l. "Well, perhaps you will rememb,
70 this sentence. You wrote it a fe
~ ~ months before our marriage. Liste
II "Oh, my Rosebud, but the heart {
~ Oak Leaf was made thousand time
= lighter by the receipt OF your lovin
~ ~ lnote Yesterday. If those delicio'
" " little missives should cease coming
~ should pine and die"
y Sand you claim l wrote thai"
IL asked in a strange voice.
~ "Of course. You can't go back {
y your own writing, can your
"a "You assert that those are II
" letters, do you?"
"Certainly."
"And that l called you fond nam
Is and wanted to die for you'"
ye "That's about the size of it, M
T Bowser. You wrote me several tim