St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-20
They WILL NOT WE'D.
The Daughter of Eve Has
Sized Up the Son Of
Adam,
According to Pauline, and
She VIII Have None
of Him.
Because, Forsooth, She Thinks
He Is Not Up to the
Standard.
Will 1t Be Necessary to Re-
construct the Human
Race?

Whall shall we do with our girls?
Ting-a-ling? Marry them. of course.
e But the girls will not be married. Then,
in the name of all things reprehenSible,
tell us the reason why!
There are reasons general and rea-
sons in particular. In a nutshell-the
higher education of women is at the
bottom of it. Girls are beginning to
know green cheese when they see it.
and you can't get them to believe that a
moon made out of that stuff is going to
be worth cent at shining. Cigarette
smoke blown into mould, kept till it's
shapened, then put in trousers and set
up on a girls horizon, where the star of
hope has been twinkling, is not calcu-
lated to throw a binding glare of hap
pineSS over her young life, and
she's beginning to learn the truth about
it. 1t may be good enough training for
possible mother to practice baby-l Jump
ing on her husband, but if woman has
TO carry the world Or her shoulders she
might as we'll exercise her own taste
and judgment about shaping it, and one
cut with two legs, two arms and nod
die is not always the easiest to hold up.
The point is reached where Adam must
be killed and made over, or matrlmony
become lost institution. 1t will drop
from the human race like WORKOUT
garment, while the emancipated female
goes Striding on to the millennium, keep
ing up the population with the aid OF
steam and a patent communicating in
:ubator. There is only this alternative: A
woman can't do everything. She can't
no ln ,N41, Of how, hi IL 10 70
Of her husband, and her own husband
all at the same time. She must put out
one Job or the other. Either she must
stop being a wife or stop being a hus-
band. Both are too much for one soul
to compass, and they are more than the
leVel-headed female will continue to un-
dertake. When the husband of board
ing-house keepers does something be-
sides stink into a seat at the foot of the
table and guZZle the food his wife has
labored to prepare; when the husband
of dressmakers does something besides
sustain the burden of existence
AT HIS wIFE's EXPENSE;
when the husband of the milliner does
something besides Identifying his wife'S
advertisements with Mrs. and his name
when the husbands of ambitious
women in general, continue in business
after their wives start in on their own
account. orange blossoms will go up and
the paddleS-her-own-canOe girl will
again be open to proposals.
Matrimonial mathematics of the past
are out of date. The delicious theorem,
Dne and one make one, has been demon
strated incorrect to the satisfaction of
divorce lawyers and advanced feminine
intelligence. lone and one make two,
is straight enough for me, and one is all
care for, thank you, unless the other
0ne reads the problem by the light of
my wisdom and agrees to sustain his
Identity and to share alike, losses, as
well as profits, of the partnership we may
fOrm,'' is the revised edition Of matri-
mOnial mathematics the colty girl with
hOrSey sense advocates and practices.
Notwithstanding sour grapes to the con-
Tary, the independent woman enjoys a
love affair about as well as the senti-
mental sister who has gone before her.
The difference is, she makes paStlme
Of loving, and business Of law, medi-
cine, school teaching, Stenography-
whatever she bends her life energies to.
Did you hear of the plan of providing
for the female surplus cantankerous
woman suffragist lately avowed? Tai
mage one time said his heart ached to
think of the misery all unmarried Wom-
physical construction, no matter what
favorable circumstances may surround
them: and in substance, he advised
them to try to forget their wretchedness
in loving God and dying off as early
as His merciful providence might
direct. The blessed old suffragist
declared it made her stagnant blood
seethe in her veins to receive the pity
Of anybody because of her cOnsecrated
single state, and she proposed to fOrtify
the happiness of the unappropriated by
making it impossible for passion to in
fiuence women. She would bring girls
up-heaveu knows how and she did no
particulariZe-SO that passion shall moi
be awakened in them. She would make
Them ignore men and matrimony, ant
presto! check the development of nat
IRE in all the daughters of the future
Now, there's not an independent female
living
EXCEPT FOSSILS
exhibiting Oh the earth for the SECOND
time-who will submit to being dis
solved and put up again by the pre-
scriptiOn of the blessed old suffragist
They don't want to ignore men anC
matrimony. They like men, though
that does not mean that they
like an animated suit of mems clothes
and what they stand out for in matri
m0ny is a good bargain. "Rctter The
Ills we suffer than those we know no
Df,' is the principle which directs then
when the issue IS uncertain, and the,
are encouraged i'll their balkiness b1
women who have been married anC
martyred III their day and generation.
What a short time it takes to put
roaple in misery for life," sighed
matron in church the other day, as thu
man of God pronounced pair man an(
wife. To The query, Why did YOU
marry? Madame No. l replied: "Wh,
does thirsty horse go to the river?"
Madame No. 2-It was the fashion il
my day.
Madame No. 81 am subject to fits O
emotional insanity.
Madame No. 4, Heredity-My grand
mother before me suffered from matri
mOny all her life.
Madame No. 5-BecaUse l could tell
good thing when | saw it and had sens
enough to take it.
Madame No. 6-My mother set me TIL
example and my father encouraged N
20 follow it.
Madame No. My childhood hom
bic excitement OF a change.
Madame No. ST knew l wante,
something. and didn't know enough t
Know tnat matrimony wasn't it.
Madame No. 9-Nobody said don't
and how could | tell?
Madame No. l0-I was crying for tn
uOon, and when saw it reflected il
water. grabbed for it and fell in.
Z. a., 4 -.