Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1888-05-30
WANTS.

An Offer.-Boy-Want boy, sir9 Hobson
What for? Boy-Why, ter pay So week
to Saturday night. Hobson---For doing
whata Boy---Why, fur waiting all the week
for it.-Life.
It sounded serious.-Husband-It tell you
cess in business. Pn afraid have Neme-
els. Wife-Well, why don't you see doctor
about it.-Tid-Bits.
s:Pa, what makes little pigs eat SO fasti"
Pa was SO confused that he blushed, and
finally said he would have to give it up
"Cause they want to be hogs" said four
yesr-old.-Toledo Blade.
Rev. Mr.. Lsmfolder (struggling in the
agony of delayed sneeze) ze)-Er-er--hi-hi-I-
I-I-ehewl Obliging Passenger Yez do !.
Well, av yez'n contint yuresilf wild plug ter
backy, Oi hev it.-Tid-Bits.
"Mr. Dusenberry, you were outrageously
cheated in buying that suit. You are too
easily satisfied" eyes, dear. That's what
my mother told me when she heard that /
was going to marry you."-Dstroit Free
Press.
Mr.. Faggley-"What did you finally name
your new tragedy, Miss Scribberlyp Miss
scribberly- -''Tbe Mustard Plaster" Mr.. F.
-s'What funny name. Why did you call
it that" Miss s.-"To make it draw
Town Topics.
Teacher-''Now children, here we have the
word intuition; who can tell me what it
meansa" Phenomenally bright scholar-''In-
tuition is that faculty of the human mind
which enables person to distinguish at a
glance patent medicine advertisement from
real news article. The Judge.
''Se young Smithers has been gettin' mar
ried, eh, Mrs. BouncerF' "You don't say so!
I hadn't heard of it. Who did he marry, Mrs.
Quirk2" ga stranger to me. happened to
overhear Dr. Brad tellin' my neighbor about
it. He said that young Smithers had got Ann
Gerry Pectoris. I reckon it's that young gal
that boarded at his mas house last winter" "
-Yonkers Gazette.
More Satisfactory Ito assistant) y
''In this obituary notice, Mr.. Getaroundlate,
you say his many friends will shed tear!
Shed tear is a trifie weak Assistant
How would shed tear or two answerf'
Editor (dubiously(-"That's not much of an
improvement" Assistant-"Well, make it
his many friends will shed two or three tears,
then" Editor-"All right, let 1t go at that. II
The Epoch.
"I adopted that boy" he said, with the
tears running down his face. ''I took him
out of the workhouse when ne was lad, and
I kept him and fed him for nine years, and
he's paid me back by running off with my
wife. Gentlemen" he continued, wipiag his
face, "I'll stand you bottle of wine. You
don't often meet with gratitude in this world
DuL q klnQ act Is sure TO Drlng It's own re-
ward. I've sent him a check for $500. ."-Ex-
change.
''Has Broadway pedestrian any rights
which teamster is bound to respecti" Well,
now, you just make us smile. Wait awhile,
Mr.. Suburban, until we get all our improve
ments in working order, and then, while the
rush of the underground express train makes
the sidewalk quiyer under your feet and the
blown-o out cylinder head of an elevated motor
crashes through the window at your elbow,
you can lean against pillar of the great
Brooklyn-Jersey Interstate bridge and watch
all the teamsters, car drivers and hackmen
for blocks around respectfully waiting for
some pedestrian to pick up the end of the
broken electric light wire which is having g
spree on death dealing fizz. Rights, indeed
60 to, thou simple swain of becky Hoboken
Go toi-Puck.
The sympathetic editor of Kentucky
paper writes as follows of friend: "We
see by private letter that our old friend and
former Ge-laborer, w. 7. Finn, has beer
| lynched by lot OF frolicsome fellows over in
| Hansen county. 1t is putty bad fur fellel
| to be snatched off from his usefulness in this
| way Finn was gentlemanly fellow, and
| we sorry to know that he fell in such bad
company. 1t may be possible that he stole
/ the horse, but he no doubt did it in fun. He
was great joker, and often took things just
| to show that he was in merry mood. This
| thing of snatehin' feller up and hangin' hin
! is getting to be a serious business. There
was time WHOM it didn't amount to much
| but times have changed. The spirit of fur
| is not as broad new as it used to be. AR
kapsaw Traveller