The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-03-07
Pith and Point.


making Mrs.-Ne,otoR Kdn) Republican.
A PARIS paper says "the people of St.
Louis, d. T., are dying OF a disease called
the billiards."
RECENT tests appear to confirm the theory
that planting whole potatoes is followed by
the largest crops.
BILL NyE speaks of western farm as be-
ing so poor that not even disturbance
could be raised upon it.
WHEN the average Office goes out to seek
the man 1t never needs to carry lantern'-
Nebraska state journal.
THE acme of ungallantry has been reached
by western paper. In speaking OF biz
zard it uses the pronoun She"
A COMMON man with great industry is al
most as useful in this world as a loafer with
great talent.-New Orleans Picdyune.
SPEAKING of doughnuts, an exchange
says the quickest way to digest them is to
eat only the hole and throw the rest away.
A RELIGIOUS paper on the Pacific coast
offers communion-sets as premiums to those
who secure certain number OF SUBSCRIBERS
for it.
The auditorium in which the republican
convention will be held at Chicago, June
10, will have a seating capacity OF $500
chairs.
SEEDY GUEST: Landlord, what can you
give me for breakfast" Landlord; Moth
IL
steak.-Tid- Bits.
A LEADING railroad official thinks that
fully 5000 tramps are killed on the railroads
in this country while walking on the tracks
or trying to steal rides
FoGG says he loves to go into society, for
he always sees there so many fools that he
returns home with quite good opinion of
himself.-BoSton Transcript.
LANDLADY Ito boarder): How is the
butter, Mr.. Dumley?" Dumley produce
broker): "Quiet but strong, madam, and in
little demand. THE Epoch.
MAMMA" said little Dakota boy, as he
came into the parlor, "where is papa?''
&C. He is crawling up the chimney, dear, to
see what kind of a day it is"
A WALDORF lady lost her store teeth in
a peculiar manner recently. She laid them
down in a chair and the dog mistaking
them for bone, made off with them
A DYsPEPTIc traveller recently committed
suicide in a country hotel by hanging him
self to his bed-post with rope made Of
twisted doughnuts.-PdUt Gazette.
EVERYBODY in Arcola appears to be
troubled with colds, and even the cats are
so hoarse that their voices sound like lame
elephants dancing on sheet-ron.-Record.
A NEwLY-RICH woman, being asked how
she liked her new house, replied, with an
air of supreme delight: 81 like it very
much; it is so contiguous and highly ad-
jacent."
IT is mistake to think that Volapuk is a
new language. The brakemen on passenger
trains in this country have used it for years
to call out the names of stations.-PeOrid
Transcript.
LYNcHING PARTY alphabetically: We
came to tell yer, ma'am, that we lynched
yer husband. We admit that we got the
wrong man, but yer got the laugh on us this
time. "-Puck.
A MODEST request-Farmer's daughter:
a. suppose you want my father to take you
you will kindly sew shirt on to this button,
that's all I'll ask."-Harper'S Bazdr.
DAKOTA lady returning from church,
"Do you know how the thermometer is to-
day, John?" Husband: Sixty-eight be-
low" Dakota lady: Is that all John?
Why, really feel chilly. "-Tid-BHs.
The man who bought last years almanac
in preference to one for 1888, because he got
it at less than half price, will be badly fooled
when he goes fishing on several Saturdays
during the year, thinking it is Sunday
NorriStocn Herald.
THAT old maxim which compares a bung-
ling dentist to a blacksmith is probably
founded on fact. The following advertise
ment appears in the Redington (Neb) Press:
&C. w. Lowry, blacksmith and wagon
maker; also extracts teeth"
d" Fire!" she yelled in his slumhering ear
At the morning hour bewitchin'
With sudden spring he was out: "Where?
Where?"
She replied: "Make one in the kitchen!'
Detroit Free Press.
A GENTLEMAN had taken house on Uni
versity street and went up yesterday to sign
the lease, but to his establishment he found
that clause had been inserted forbidding
him to play the piano, to play cards or open
the windows on Sunday.-NOntredl Gazette.
"YoU spilled this ink on the floor, did
you?" said the wholesale grocer to his
my lad. l rather you would spill bar
rel of ink than to lie. Integrity, my boy
integrity and truthfulness-let that be your
motto. You can go now and finish stencil
ing Pure Vermont Maple Syrup on the
moasses-cans. '-Chicago Tribune.
The following unique advertisement re-
Gently appeared in the Morning Post o.
London: "Wanted-Governess English
for three children, eldest fifteen; must be q
thorough displinarian and well able to adj
minister corporal punishment; good salary
age about twenty-four; write full particu
lars as to mode of intlicting punishment
also salary required; personal interview il
London necessary"
If l had the education of a young girl il
charge l would strongly dissuade her from
learning stenography. In addition to the
'overcrowded state of the profession, Edi
sons new phOnograpn Will enurely uls
pense with the necessity of stenographer
if it will do all that is claimed for it. My
advice to girls who want to fit themselves
to earn a living is to try something else thai
stenography.- Chicago journal.
THE FUNNY MAN.
Who is that man who sits and bites
His pen with aspect solemn?
He is the funny man who writes
The weekly comic column.
BY day he scarce can keep awake,
AT night he can not rest,
His meals he hardly dares to take
His jests he can't digest.
His hair, though not with years, is white,
His cheek is wan and pale
And all with seeking day and night
For jokes that are not stale.
g. f. Benham, in Harper's Magazine
AMONG the burials in this city on Monda
was that Of an old and honored Laurel Hi
avenue Plymouth Rock hen who had fioui
ished ten years under the name of" Splend,
which is short for Splendid. She was giar
bird, weighing about fourteen pounds, an
had made big egg record. Had her owl
ers been specializing zo-ologists they coul
have sold her eggs for ostrich eggs to co