davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-27
Evening Funerals.

''No, it isn't exactly a fashion" t"
thOughtfully responded prominent up
| town undertaken in response to a ques-
ton concerning the comparatively recent
prevalence of evening funerals; sit is be-
coming a custom. Several causes COM
blne to encourage it. First, it is less
expensive, the interment takes place
quietly the next day, and the funeral
cortege may be, perhaps only the hearse
and one carriage containing clergyman
and some representative member of the
family. Frequently, too, funeral is
appointed in the evening, because the
body is to be conveyed to some distant
town for lnterment and an early start
must be made tue following morning.
''Still another influence is trrceable
to the city's great increase of area. You
will notice evening funerals seem more
frequent in the upper wards. To at
tend the final services over a friends
remains where the residence is above
Elfty-nlnth or Seventy second street,
the downtown business man must easi-
ly re,inquish two thirds of his day at the
Office which is not always convenient or
even possible. In the evening he finds
it much easier to be present.
"For my own part" concluded the
undertaken emphatically. 81 don't like
it. There is something incoDgruous
about gaslight and funeral trappings.
Death is natural; its accessories should
be rs little artificial as possible. Just
as the light from a chandelier increases
the ghast!iness of the corpse beneath,
80, to my mind, do evening funerals ac-
centuate the gloom of such sad occa-
SionS. "-Netc York San,
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-27
A SHARP BUNCO GAME.
1t Cost a Business Man $4,000 to
Learn the Trick.

The Walker encountered q gentleman
the other day who related bunco story
that was entirely new. Said the gentle
man in question:
"Some years ago I was in business in
st. Louis, myself and my brother carry
ing on large pork packing establish
ment. One day on the street L met
Cincinnati gambler whom l had known
well some years before. | knew his
family, as they are among the most re-
spectable people of this city. He ac-
costed me with the inquiry as to whether
/ desired to make 5000. OF course L
did, and l asked him his game. He then
went on to to tell me that the Lindel
Hotel was running a faro bank, and
that the affair was very quiet and none
admitted except well known business
men. The bank belonged to an old gen
tIeman from Galveston, Tex, and on
account of the strictness of the laws he
was going to close up at the end of the
week and move to New York. At that
time the dealer was to be discharged
and consequently felt no great interest
in his employer. Now, according to this
gambler friend, [ was to be introduced
to the dealer; we were to agree upon
certain signs for playing, after which l
was to go in, and in the course of two
or three hands was to win the whole bank
roll of $4,000 through this connivance
with the dealer. Nothing was left but
to divide this between the dealer and
my gambler friend. 1 did not accept
the proposition, because as a business
man / didn't care to be seen playing
faro at..the Lindel Hotel. and because L
believed there was game i'll 1t against
me somewhere.
'As 1 was to go without a cent of my
own money and simply play the money
which the gambler gave me, / could not
see where it was; still was suspicious,
and did not go.
ga wear afterward picked up q New
York paper one day and read of a dis
closure that opened my eyes completely.
A man had been done up i'll precisely
the same way that was laid cut for me.
The same story of the dealer and his
boss was told. The game WAS run at
the Astor House. The business man that
was to go and break the bank by the
connivance of the gambler and dealer
was found. His gambler friend handed
him two $500 bills and lie went in to
play.
HE bought his checks and the game
went on. An hour afterward man vino
was playing when he went in came rush
ing back to the bank with $500 bill
which he said was counterfeit. The
banker said it couldn't be, as he had
inst received it from the gentleman
playing, pointing to the business man.
Upon this pretended detective seized
the business man, searched him, and
found a second $500 bill in his pocket,
and he was let out of the fix for s., 900
Tho business man could not make fuss
about it, He had entered into the scheme
10 do mp the bank and had himself been
done up in the effort. -Cin0nHatj Iele-
gram.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-27
japanese Babies.

The Yum Yum of Japan thus leads a
much less eventful life than the young
girl of America, says Frank G. Carpen-
ter. She thinks she has fun, because
she knows no better, and her chief
employment, if she be one of the
poorer classes, is the toting of her baby
brother and sister upon her back. 1t is
thus that her mother took care of her,
and the cradle for all the little Japanese
babies is the human back. Almost as
soon as the baby is born it is tied to the
back of the children next in age, and
tho moment the mother begins to ex-
poet the advent of q second baby she
trains her little daughter in preparation
for it. At first light doll is placed on
the baby's back, then q heavier one is
substituted, and thus the weight is in
creased unit it approaches that of a
baby. saw last week three-year-old
child carrying dog strapped to its back
in this way, and as the baby staggered
along with it it met n child of the same
age who had baby tied on its back, and
the two sat down on their little heels
and play, d together in the mud. The
babies did not seem to mind it in the
least, and the infant Yum Yums here
cry less than do our little American
babies.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-27
The Telephone Two Hundred Years Ago.

How rare it is to discover anything
that is entirely new is freshly exempli-
fed to us in what Robert Hooke wrote
about what has become the telephone,
as far back as 1864, or 224 years ago.
He said: "And as glasses have highly
promoted our.seeing, so it is not improb-
able but that there may be found
many mechanical inventions to improve
our other senses, of hearing, smelling,
tasting, touching, 'Tis not impossible
to hear whisper a furlong's distance,
it having been already done; and per-
haps the nature of tho thing would not
make it more impossible, though that
furloug should be ten times multiplied
And though some famous authors have
affirmed it impossible to hear through
the thinnest plate of Mvscovy glass, yet
[ know a way by which it is easy enough
to hear one speak through wall
yard thick. 1t has not yet been exam
lned how far OctOcoustics NAV be impro-
we'd, nor wnat other way there may be
of quickening our hearing, or conveying
sound through other bodies than the
ear; for that is not the only medium. I
can assure the reader that have, by the
distended wire, propagated the sound to
very considerable distance in an in
slant, or with as seemingly quick mo-
ton as that of light; at least, incompar-
ably swi(ter thnn thnt which at the Same
time was propagnted through the air
and this is not only in straight line,
or direct, but III one beuLed in many
angles"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-27
FEEDING OCEAN TRAVELLERS.
What 1t Takes to Supply the Wants
of a Steamship One Voyage.

The big steamships which ply between
New York and Europe carry on each
trip across the Atlantic q little CITY of
people. Two thousand persons some
times are stored away on board these
floating palaces. To appease the sea-
sharpened appetites and assuage the
thirst of this horde requires great deal
OF solid and liquid fcol. The steward
OF certain liner took on ut Liverpool
for the last round voyage 1000 bottles
OF champagne, 5000 of claret, 5000 of
ale, $500 of porter, 5000 of mineral
water, and 700 of spirits. They used last
year on their line of steamers S,639
quarts and 1858 pints of champagne.
The Americans drink the greater part of
the champagne. They call for five
quarts OF it 10 one of any other nation
atty.
They also use 1 on that line last year
~ 94I quarts and 1910 pints of claret.
This had the largest sale among the
French travellers, and indeed all the pas
sengers from the continent preferred
clare5
The Britishers drank the grelter part
OF the years supply of ale and porter, in
all 4oO, 900 bottles. This, with 175,O0O
bottles OF mineral water, made enough
liquid to float one of their ships in Pret-
ty good showing, that, in the way of wet
goods, isn't it
The other vices weren't neglected.
Tho steward says their line used last
year $4,000 pounds of tobacco, $1,000
cigars, and $1,000 cigarettes; the lemons
used on shipboard averaged two apiece
every day, apples the same, oranges
Leading with three apiece every day.
The steward says: We sailed from
Liverpool with 547 cabin passengers and
SUI III the crew. We had on board when
we started 1850 pounds of fresh beef,
IOO pounds of corned beef. 5000 |
pounds of mutton, $50 pounds of
lamb, $50 pounds of veal.
800 pounds of pork. There were |
beside 1000 pounds of fresh fish. 600 |
fowls, 800 chickens, 100 ducks, so geese.
80 turkeys, 200 brace of grouse, Is tons
OF potatoes, 80 hampers of vegetables.
2oO quarts OF ice cream, 1000 quarts of
milk, 800 eggs.
"ln the dry groceries there were $50
pounds of tea, 1900 pounds of coffee,
l,6OO pounds of white sugar, $50
pounds of pulverizcd sugar, 1900
pounds of cheese, 1900 pounds of but-
ter, $500 pounds of ham, and 1000
pounds OF bacon. You can form from
that list of figures what it costs to vic
tual the vessel for every voyage.
"N1y figures are not done yet. This
line uses 10000 tons of ice every year
and an average of 1000 tons Of coal
every day. They use 104, 900 gallons of
engine oil for one item and an average
of pounds of meat minute, or over
2,OOO, 900 pounds n year. They use %
tons of raisins and currants, over ,OOO.-
600 eggs, the average being one every
minute. They use l ] tons of mustard,
IL tons of peas, II tons of rice, and $50
tons of flour, exclusive of the $4,000
loaves of bread. They use Is tons Of
cheese and 10 of yellow soap, not count
ing the toilet soap. These are only the
figures of one line, and there are many.
Here's one more little item, which is
hat theE RFas4ik $500 MaG9EEtth af .eHEaelEerv x
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-27
A Story from the Rocks.

Geological history brings before us,
says Archibald Geikie, many facts welt
calculated to impress our minds with
the great antiquity of our planet, and
with the marvellous chain of changes
by which the present order of things
has been brought about. We learn from
it that the mountains and valleys have
not suddenly come into existence, such
as We now see them, but have been
formed gradually, by long series OF
processes similar to those which arc
even now slowly doing the same work.
We discover that every part of the land
under our feet can yield up its storyf il
we only knew how to question it. And,
strangest of all, we find that tho races
of plants and animals which now tenant
land and sea are not The first or original
races, but they were preceded by others,
these again by others still more remote.
We see that there has been upon tie
earth history of living things, as well
as OF dead matter. At the beginning ol
that wonderful history we detect traces
merely or lowly forms, like the foramin.
ifera of the Atlantic ooze. At the eud
we are brought face to face with man
thinking, working, restless man, battling
steady with the powers of nature, anu
overcoming them one by one, by learn.
ing how to obey the laws which direct
them. Mining JcRTRal.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-27
A Poultry Tragedy in Arctic Chimes.

A few days ago, as tile writer in COM
pany with a gentleman was passing
down Smith1ield street, their attention
was attracted by handsome game roos-
ter on exhibition at bird fancier's es-
tablishment. The gentleman remarked,
81 never see chicken but ! think of
queer sight 1 once witnessed on ship
board in the Arctic regions. We had on
the ship number OF fowls, among them
two roosters better fitted to grace the
pit than the banquet board. Story tel
ling with the crew being exhausted, the
men looked around for some other form
Of amusement. A cock fight was pro-
posed, a ring formed and the two roost-
ers were soon at it bill and spur. So
evenly were the birds matched that they
were not allowed to fight to finish, but
the sport was prolonged from day to day
long after their less sanguinary compan-
ions had been sacrificed and passed by
the chicken pie and palatable fry route
TO the land where it is to be hoped pullet
necks are never wrung. Well, as we ap-
preached Greenland and entered the
Arctic circle, into that mysteriou region
where nature wears mourning for six
months for the death of day, we OBJ
served that the roosters Billy and Jim
seemed to forget the combination for the
proper hour for growing, and to be
troubled with insomnia. They would
crow at all hours of the day and night,
as though anxious to awake the drowsy
aurora from her cloudy bed and bring
her blushing above the crmsoned hori-
zon. One morning tn were let out of
the coop to have the usual set-to, but
they seemed melancholy and dispirited,
and after few weak att. mpLs at com
bat both, rs though seized with com
mon impulse, few over the vessels side
and were drowned. ."-PttsJrrJ Chront-
clS
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-27
lie DOCTORED HIMSELF.
How an African King Slept Five
Days and Nights.

David Ker relates this story in Har-
per's Weekly: King Oko Jumbo, of Bonny
in whose august company Mrs. Ker
and myself had the honor of being ship
wrecked upon the west coast of Africa,
in the summer of 1S85-was said to be a
bit of humorist in his way, but we saw
very little trace of humor about him in
the course of that d sastrous voyage,
during the whole of which he was proba-
bly, the most wretched man on board.
Indeed, what with his chronic internal
malady, tho ceaseless rain that prevent
ed him from coming on deck, and the
prolonged sea Sickness which like Death
in Shirely's famous poem, "1ays its icy
hands on kings" the poor king might
well be weary of life at seq.
Nor were these his only troubles.
Having never been out of his own conn
try till the trip to England, from which
he was returning, he had naturally very
hazy IDEAS of geography, and doubtless
imagined his little kingdom on the
Ponny River, (Which he was plnIng to
see) to be somewhere at the other end OF
the world many long months away from
him.
But one night (the very night before
the shipwreck, by an om1nous GOMEZ
dence) we at length got him out upon
the main deck; and it was fine sight to
see our stulwart captain supporting the
old man s tottering steps, and helping him
on to the cane lounge set for him upon
the after hatch. The sick man bright
ened up wonderfully benz ath the luflu-
ence of good Captain Porter's CHEEKY
talk about old times in West Africa, and
did his best to eat the food that wo
brought him; but no persuasion could
induce him either to take medicine or to
see the ships doctor, who unfortunately
happened to be q very young man..
"Medicine no good, said the old war
rior, disdaintully; "doctor no good-no
sabbee nothing. One time l sick at
home; no can sleep two night. l make
send for white mans doctor from Eng
lish factory. White doctor come-young
boy, smooth face, no sabbee nothing. L
say, mo can sleep nOw-you make me
sleep Doctor say, 'S'pose you take
this bottle of sleep-stuff; you drink ten
twelve drop one time, ten-twelve drop
other time, you sleep good take
sleep stuff; drink him all up one time,
I sleep five whole day. five whole night
Eli, captain? me sabbee better than
doctor that time Ha, ha, ha J"
And the king exploded into such bois
ferrous laughter that all the features of
his queer old face seemed to change
places, and to dance a kind of insane
QuadriIle in and out of each other, as if
q hairs breadth escape from de ath by mn
overdose of laudanum were the finest
Joke in the world. But could not help
thinking that there are not few kings,
in far more civilized regions than Bonny,
who are just as useful and intelligent
when broad awake as poor Oko Jumbo
was during his ye.days' nap.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-27
Freaks Of the English Language.

The curiosities of literature are GER
tainly doubled by the English language.
There is little wonder that a French
man prefers the gnillotine to an extend
ed course of English instruction, while
the German looks at his task in wild de-
spair and hopes for an early death. The
addition of n single letter SO changes
the pronunciation of word that one
who is unused to the language stumbles
Mt every step. The letter changes
lover into clover d makes n crow Il
crowd; L makes eyed keyed; 9 changes q
son into song; transforms pear into
a pearl; s changes q hoe into shoe;
makes bough bought; 40 makes omen
into women. Little wonder that some
one has called our alphabet pugnncious,
and declares that he has known the time
when b fit, d cried, raged and c pound
ed.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-27
Source of the MinstrcIs' Jokes.

The source of the jokes heard Mt a
minstrel show is the newspaper. Nearly
every newspaper in America has para
graphist more or less funny. The min
strels get these gags and work them into
a conversation between the interlocuter
who sits III the center Of the group of
minstrels and the end man, whose posi-
ton in the crowd is indicated by his
name. newspaper costing five cents
has a dozen times more really fresh
Jokes than the best minstrel troupe has
of Jokes either fresh or stale, yet people
pay fifty cents or q dollar to hear min
strel troupe and they laugh and laugh
over some old quips that no newspaper
in the country would admit into its col
umns on account of their age. it must
make really original humorous writer
feel tired to go to - minstrel show and
listen to the roars of laughter that greet
a chestnut" which if he wrote up for
his paper would make his editor mark 1t
out with his blue pencil and make him
think that his "funny man" had worked
out his vein. n.--DetroU Free Press.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-27
RAISE THE CURTAIN.

Raise the cu-tain-let the brightness
OF your cheerful light shine forth;
To the passers in the darkness
1t may be of vital worth;
Give glimpse to lonely waud'rers
OF your household full of j1y,
1t may rouse to new ambition
Some poor, friendless, tempted boy.
Raise the curtain-we are kindred-
Zach to all IS bound by ties
Which forbid selfish shutting
Of ourselves from others eyes;
Share your light aud share your blessings,
God hath made the whole world kin,
And his love 80 universal
Takes the weakest sinner in.
Raise the curtain Of your window,
Raise the curtain of your mind;
Do not let possession make you
To the wants of others bland.
Helping others we are strengthened,
Giving, We are richer made;
And no one so strong or patient,
But some time hath need of aid.
-FLoRA n. CANpEE in Once a IFeet,
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-27
When He Registered.

Eccentric Fred Eliot has just died in
Boston. aged IS. He hal lived at The
Quincy House for thirty years. On one
occasion il is related that the old man
stepped up to the cashiers window,
where stood brandnew cashier, to set
tie his monthly bill.
"What namc:" inquired the cashier.
elliot, was the reply; one +, one l.,
ore 0, one II.
The transient list did r0i contain the
name Eliot, and, looking up, the cashier
gravely put the question:
"WhPn did you register, sir don't
find your name on the list. ~
The old man drew himself together,
and, giving the young man n wltherbng
glance, replied: oval, as near as l can
figure it, it was about twenty seven
years ago. ."--Ptlade'Pbid Record.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-27

WHAT is thought to be the largest
tumor ever known to Pennsylvania
physicians has been removed from Mrs.
Hannah Littre, the wife of John Littre,
of Philadelphia. Itweighed 100 pounds
when removed Tho difficult surgical
operation was performed by four doc
tors. After the operation the lady
weighed about ninety-fiye pounds, or
five pounds less than the weight of the
tumUr itself.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-27

n. B. JONES, of River Bend, Ga, has
a SOW fifteen years old that has raised
him 1872 pigs. OF her progeny he has
sold twenty-eight breeders and fattened
enough meat Tor family use and sold
from $50 to $G5 worth each year. Mr..
Jones says he tattened cold Blue" two
years ago to kill, but after the water was
hot and everything in readiness for the
slaughter his heart failed him and lie
spared her life. He is now determined
to keep and feed her as long as she lives.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-27

DEAR Mr.. EDITOR: Please read the
enclosed poem carefully and return it to
me with your candid criticism as soon as
possible, as [ have other irons in the
fire" "Dear Mr.. Smith: Remove the
irons and insert tie poem."
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-27
SEEING THE SIGHTS.

Miss Porcine, of Chicago, has been
showing her guest from the East through
her fathers enormous establishment.
"How wonderful it all is |" exclaimed
! the guest
! "Isn't it2" said Miss Porcine. "And
now we will go to the slaughtering de.
partment-that:is too fascinating. It's
just lovely up thore T-LJe.
HEALTH HINTS.
Never strike boy smaller than your
| self. He may grow.
DO not try to shovel snow off the slant
ing roof of Queen Anne cottage.
| Do not practice somnam bulism when
there is snow on the ground, with the
thermometer registering two degrees
below zero.
Never attempt to skate in patent
leather pumps.
Never throw snowballs at strange po-
licemen just for fun tEkof for thing
Harper'S Bd=Gr.,
A THRIVING INDUSTRY.
"What are you engaged at now7"
asked Alpha of Omega. ''Writing q
comic opera?'
NAV I've struck something origi-
nal. And it pays, too
writing humor for the press ?"
''Not exactly. I'm inventing Last
Words of Great Men, and for several
weeks I've been overworked-theya are
dying off so rapidly.
OH, CoNsIsTENCIi
Mrs. Simpkins My dear, can you
let me have SIS. 90 for the church fair?
Simplins ns-You know Go not ap-
prove of gambling.
Mrs. pkins-The truth is / Idreamt
three times in succession last night that
q certain woman would draw the parlor
furniture.
Simpkins-You don't say! Well,
here's ton dollars. If yea want more
let me know.-Ifme
CHANGE OF GENDER.
"When does q woman uasex herself?"
asked the snake editor.
eff that's conundrnm give it up"
replied the horse editor. "When does
she ?"
"When she becomes agent for any
thing. ."-Pftts6,trg Chronicle.
TIE LATEST FASHION.
"The Blimbers seem to have spared |
no expense to make their daughters !
n fashionable event, see."
"No, indeed. Why they had four
clergymen to otficiate, and hired fur
nished country house to perform the
ceremony in.
THE LONG AND SHORT.
Bond-I just met the tallest man
[ ever saw whe was not on exhibi-
ton.
Stock-(who has just made his marg-
ms good, and is searching his pockets
for lunch funds).-Yes, and gaze on my
and you will see the shortest.
SHE WAS POPULAR.
Who was that girl with you yester-
lay afternoon, Mr.. Mccrackle;''
"She is one of the nest popular girls
n town, Cumso.
"Indeedl"
eyes, she hos moro tallers' than my
other EsEl, iu fact. $50 80 tho taLe-
phone girl at 'CentraE' I1y-at.-r ".
Izine
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-27
Advertising Rates.
RAFK PKR YKAR.

Residing notices. 10 cents per line each insertion.
but no charge made Of less than $1.0o. Proba
and Commissioners notices g insertiols) So. ~
iberatons. Estrays, &C. g insertions) 81. so. Le
sotice4 6 insertionsl 10 cents per line.