The South western news., 1888-01-18


by lot of cowboys, one of whom said:
"There's tenderfoot in town, and we
Rre going to show him life in the West. :"
Gentlemen, he said, 81 was hazed
vt college"
The cowboys skunk away one by one.
Teas S.ftings.
THE VOYAGE OF LIFE.
First College Student-Yes, George,
my mind is made up; fame first, wealth
next. then marriage.
Second College Student disagree
with you, John. My plan is wealth
first, then the achievement of fame will
be easy enough. After that marriage.
Ten years ter.-George-Say, John,
stop moment.
John.-In a big hurry, George. Old
Doctor Blank won't come again until
his bill is paid, and I'm hunting for an
other. All the children have the measles.
Anything [ can do for you.
Yes, John; lend me nickel to buy a
safety pin.-O maba World.
TALL ENOUGH.
"You must remember, my daughter.
you are only little girl. l can't think
OF letting you wear long dresses yet"
"But, mamma, [ am as tall as you
are"
They measure.
'Sure enough, my child, you are.
How fortunate !! Now you can hang out
the washing just as well as 1 can. -
Chicago Ne1oS.
SPECIAL TERMS.
New Member Ito Washington hotel
clerk)-What are your regular terms?
Clerk-FOur dollars day, sir; pay
able weekly.
New Members-You have different
rates for members, of course2
Clerk-Yes, sir. -Four dollars a day
in adyance.--Bce. Sun.
FASHIONABLE NOTE.
Jobbs-I see that stripes are very
much worn this season.
Hobbs-Oh, yes But not so much
as they would have been if the Court of
Appeals hadn't interfered. ~ Y. Star.
INDIGESTION.
Tramp Ito woman at the door)-I feel
very much distressed, madam.
Misunderstanding you have eaten2
Tramp-No, something I've not eat
en.-EpOch.
A POOR UNFORTUNATE.
Gus-aw- -er-yes, Cholly is-er--.
fellah, but he is so awfully
defawmed, y'know.
WilIie-Poor fellah? What's the
matter with him?
Gus-Why -er-Gw-y 'know, his
mouth is so awfully small-er-he
cawnt get his lips over the -er-head
of his cane!
FOR THE HOLIDAYS.
Husband Gust starting for out Of
town)-My dear, here is a fifty dollar
bill.
Wife Chastily)-Oh, John, I'm ever
so much obliged
Husband-Which / wish you would
give to the tailor for my new overcoat.
He said he would send the bill to-day
Epoch.
STRIVING TO PLEASE.
Old Lady SHARPLY, to boy in drug
store)-Tve been waiting for some time
to be waited on, boy.
Boy (meekly)-Yes'um what kin 1 do
fer you2
Old LADY, want two-cent stamp.
Boy (anxious to please = Yes'um
Will you have it licked9
CRUEL PARENT.
Father-I regret, my dear sir, that
cannot allow you TO marry my daugh-
ter Lydia.
Suitor-Why not, my dear sir2
Father-Because she is entirely too
young to marry.
''But, pa, it amt right to refuse to give
the gentleman what he wants on ac-
count of a fault for which neither he
nor / are to blame. 1t is Your own
fault, pa, that am not old enough to
marry. Why dids't you marry few
years sooper2"
NOT HowLING.
81 say, Springstein, l don't hear YOU
bowling round 50 much now about An
archy, Socialism, division of property,
and all of them modern inventions.
What's come over you-didn't it pay"
"Vell, you see, Shorty, the shircum-
vas schanged a leetle. My on
kle is Owstralia, he died lasht week. unit
1 shust get word as he leefe me tree tou-
san dollar. You don peleefe l divite
it nit deese feller--schkarsely l"-Har-
pers Weekly,
A SHAME.
"Now, isn't that burning shame2"
said Mrs. Seldom, as she pushed her
spectacles up on her forehead and laid
down the morning paper. "What's
that, MAJ" said her youngest son.
''Why, Emperor William gave an audi
ence to Prince William yesterday.
Think of that, my SOMA whole audi
ence given away like SO many cattle.
It's awful r. Chicago Ne'oS.
THE UNITED STATES MAIL.
Woman Ito country postmistress)-Is
there ennythin fer me to-day Tn sot
on hearin' from my darter, Mirandy.
Postmistrcss There's a postal. Mi
Tandy writes she's nniVin' herself an