Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1888-06-02
NYE AT THE CAPITAL.
NE pIscoURSEs ON THE METHODS
OF WASHINGTON BARRIERS.

His Narrowing Experience with snfety
Razor-An Interesting Conversation He
Heat and Hotels of Washington.
When got off the Pen lsylvania train yes
teriay went 70 barbeS shop before did
anything else | have thick, Venetian red
chinchilla beard, which grows very rapidly
and which gives me funny appearance
every tweutv+f four hours, unless place my.
self frequently in the hands Of the barber
At first used to shave myself, but cut my.
self to pieces in such a sickening manner
without seeming TO impede the growth Of the
rich aud foxy beard that until last summer
gave up being my own barber. At that
time | was presented with a safety razor,
which the manufacturer said would not cut
my face, because it was impossible for it tc
cut anything except the beard The
safety razor resembles in appearance sew
eral other toilet articles, such as the
spoke shave, the road scraper, the can
opener, the lawn mower and the turbine
water wheel, but it does not look like a razor.
1t also looks like a carpet sweeper some, and
reminds me Of a monkey wrench 1t is said
that you can shave yourself on a train If you
will use this instrument tried it once last
winter while going west In fact, took the
trip largely to see il one could shave on board
the train safely with this razor. | had no
special trouble At least I did not cut Off
any features that | cared anything about, but
l WIS disappointed in the results and also in
the length of time consumed in cleaning the
razor after | got through. | was shaving
myself only from Forty-second street TO Al
bany, but il took me from Albany to Omaha
TO pull the razor apart and to dig out the CO..
aguIated lather and the dear. dead whiskers
I now employ a valet, whose name is Patria
Met}loria He irons my trousers, shaves and
dresses me and mows the lawn
L did not fall into a very gaudy barber
shop
IL was a plain structure, with beautiful
sarsaparilla pictures here and there on the
walls and faint odor of rancid pomatum
and overworked hair restoratives
There were three chairs richly upholstered
in two ply carpeting of some inflamnatory
hue, with large vines and the kind of flowers
which grow on carpets but nowhere else
have seen blossoms woven into ingram car
pets, varying in color from a dead black to
the color Of q hepatized lung, but ha Q
never seen one that reminded me Of anything
| ever saw in nature The chair sat In also
had springs in IL They were made of selec-
tions from the Washington monument
The barber who waited on me asked me IL
wanted shave. A great many BARRIERS
ask me this during the ysar. Sometimes they
do it from habit and sometimes they do it to
brighten up my life and bring smile to my
wan cheek As | have no hair, the thinking
mind naturally and by direct course of
reasoning arrives at the conclusion that when
go into barber shop and climb into chair,
do so for the purpose of getting shaved and
not with the idea of having my fortune told
or my deposition taken. Still BARRIERS con-
tinue to ask me thisquestion and look at each
other with i'll concealed mirth
said yes would like shave unless he
preferred 70 take my temperature or amuse
me by making a death mask Of himself. He
then began to strap largo razor with o
double shuttle movement and to size me,up at
the same Tina He was a colored man, but
he had lived in Washington long time and
knew a great deal more than he would IL his
lot had fallen elsewhere BE spoke with some
feeling and fed M with about the most un-
palatable lather | think ever participated
in He also did an odd thing when he went
for the second time over my face. never
have noticed the custom outside of that shop.
Most BARRIERS, In making the second trip over
a customers face, mosten one side at q time
with a sponge or the damp hand as they go
along, but in this case large quantity Of
lather was put in my ear, and, as he needed
1t, be took out what he required from time to
time, using his finger like paint brush and
spreading on the lGther as he went along. So
has he learned TO measure the
quantity of lather which an ear will hold
that when he got through with me and went
away there was not over a tablespoonful in
either ear and possibly not that much
While sat in the chair beard man, who
seemed to be in about the third chair from
me, saying that certain bill numbered so
and s., had been referred to certain COM
mittee and would undoubtedly be reported
Ii so, IL would in its regular
order come up for discussion and reach a vote
10 and So was charmed with the mans
of the condition of affairs In both
houses and the exact status OF all threatened
legislation. because always kave TO stop and
think good while before can tell whether
, bill originates on the floor of the house or
N the rotinda-
could not see this man, but judged that
,e wus q senator or sergeant t-at-arms He
alhed for some time about the condition of
lational affairs, and finally some one said |
omething about evolution was perfectly |
wrapped up In what be was saying, and re- |
nembered distinctly how he referred to |
1crbert Spencer's definition of evolution as |
change from indefinite, incoherent homo |
eneity to definite, coherent heterogeneity \
through continuous differentiations and in |
egrations
When | arose from my chair and looked |
veI that way | saw that the gentleman who 1
Iad been talking on the condition Of congrss- |
ional legislation was colored hotel porter /
{ Washington. who was getting shaved in /
be third chair, and the man who was dis |
ussing the merits of evolution was the col |
red man who was shaving him
As spring warns up the air about Wash
ngton the beating apparatus about the Capt. /
ol building begins TO relax its interest, and
ow you can visit most any part Of the
lately pile without being scrambled in your
wn embonpoint
1 believe this unnatural heat to be the
ause of much Ill health among our law
makers, and freely admit that the un-
ealthy surroundings of Washington and the
reat contrast between the hot air Of the
apitol and the cold air outside have done q
reat deal towards keeping me out of the
enate The night air Of Washington Is also
lied with malaria, and is much worse than
ny night air have ever used before.
am staying at the = house, which has
cen recently refitted and refurnished, has
lectric bells, a bath room, elevator and mod
rate rates 1t is g splendid hotel leave
be name blank. and the proofreader can in
ert the name OF any hotel in Washington
Thich be thinks the above glowing deserip-
ion would apply to.-Bill Nye's Washington
.etter to New York World
s Great Commercial Truth.
Johnny 'whose father is an editor1-Say,
III Stnrekcencr. do Won keen sl,gar cnffea |