The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-07-11
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Ancient Greece-Old butter.
Musical circles-Whole notes.
Butchers are great hands to ''cut up"
With the horsemau, life is but span.
An unpopular bill sticker-The mos
quito.
Hunger and thrashing make many a
boy holler.
Before arithmetic was invented people
multiplied on the face of the earth.
1t is travelling the broad road that fre-
quently puts a man in financial strait.
"In the swim" of society the Goldfish
aristocracy should be able to hold their
own.
No matter how high an awning may be
suspended, it is only shade above the
street.
The saddest words Of tongue or pen
"There's too many women and not
enough menw
In Leadville church there is this
notice: "Please do not shoot the organ
list he is doing his best"
1t is stated upon reliable authority
that the teacher with a glass eye has at
least one refractory pupil. It'd Bits
Soulful Youth Qanguidly)-"Do you
sing Forever and Foreverl' She (prac-
tically)-"No, stop for meals. Life.
Young Man-"Will you give assent
to my marriage with your daughter,
sirW Old Man (frmly)-''No, sir; not
q cent"
Petrified human beings are very com
mon among the heather, for when they
worship an idol they generally turn to
stone. -Sifings.
Can anybody explain why bottle of
catsup, when it explodes on the table,
will sprinkle everything in the room ex-
cept the meat2- Chicago Tribune.
"Don't call me 'ducky,' John,n said
fat bride to her husband. '1t's too sug-
gestive." "Why, preciousl" Because
ducks always waddle, you know"
Intellectual combativeness manifests
itself in the human race very early.
Children begin to "ah, goo" before they
can fairly talk. Commercial AdUertiser.
The reporter who wrote up the exhib-
its at a fair and described a locomotive
made of candied peaches as ''tooty fruity"
is at present unemployed. .-Boston 1raU-
stler.
A lawyer being asked what contin-
gent fee was, said: "If bring a suit
for you and lose the case get nothing;
if win the suit you get nothing. ."-Ne,0
York Mos.
Servant -"The mistress says mum,
that she is not at home. Who shall i
say cailedp Gallery may say that
lady called who didn't bring her
name. "-Epoch.
On summers morning our little
Lille was walking with her aunt and
discovered spider s web. She was de-
lighted, and exclaimed 80, see, here is
hammock for bugsr- Christian AdrO-
cate.
''Porter, have you time to do some
thing for met" "Yes, sir; what shall
it be" 'Bring my trunk from the
depot" 'Excuse me, sir, but my
specialties are love letters and bouquetsW
--FIegende Batter.
A lady writing on kissing says that
kiss on the forehead denotes reverence
a kiss on the back of the neck is a proof
that the young woman didn't hold STILL
-NoyristoseR HerdIk
Charlotte (who has an income Of 80, 900
marks)-"In fact, sir, my heart already
belongs to anOther.n Karl cher persist
ent suitor)-"Ahl Then he may be
easily satisfied; and as for me, shall be
content with the rest. -Humoristiehes.
Passenger ION Western railroad)-
''How long will we stop at the next sta
tion for lunch, conductor" Conductor
81 dunno yet. l telegraphed ahead
for fried chicken, and if it's ready
when we get there we won't stop more'n
ten minutes. lid Bits.
Brown-''You are looking bright and
happy this morning, Dumley." Dunn
ley-''Yes, Pm out OF debt at last.
Every bill owed was outlawed yester-
day. tell you, Brown, a man feels like
a man when he is square with the
world. "-Ne,o York Sun.
Landlady to applicant for board
''Have you any children madamr APP
plicant-''No." Landlady-"Y are
fortunate for we never take families who
have children Have you
any children" Landlady-" two"
Applicant-''Well, you are unfortunate,
for we never board with families who
have children. n-Ne0 York Sun.
eyes, Stree I'm a self-made man;
and don't wish you TO forget it, Mr..
Filkin-a self-made man, STRIP "Ah, in
deed I" replied Filkin. 'lm really very
glad to hear it, Mr.. Bjones. Do you
know, always thought there was some
thing amateurish about you, and l see
now why il is l didn't like to think
that you were a product of nature. -
l.