The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-05-02
Sunday Rumatiz.

I've been lOOkln' over 4U-paSe
catalog NV patent medicines an don't
see emmy cure for Sunday rumatiz.
Now, think that Sunday rumatiz is
the wust kind NV rumatiz, and I'm
'stonished to find that nobody haz got
out a patent fur Sunday rumatiz
remedy. I think it is wun Nv the
wust dizeaZes that ever racked hu-
man konstitution; an it's awful here
in Suthern Calaforny. [ never heerd
Nv saloon-keeper that ever had it,
nor NV theater actor; but its awful
i'm the churches. I don't think it is
cauzed by the climeight, an it don't
appeer to be affeckted by the weather.
I will menshun sum NV its simptums:
l. Sunday rumatiz keeps .phokes
from goin' to meetin'.
Weekday rumatiz wont keep man
from walkin' a mile to the post-orifice,
an standin' an hour sin the line" till
hiz turn kums. 1t won't keep him
from goin' round the corner to "see a
man." an standin' half houra look
in at him over the counter. 1t won't
keep him from goin' down town Nv a
rainy day to dun man that oze him
quarter. It won't keep him from
climbin' a twenty-foot ladder to chink
I'D q hole in the roof; nor from stoop-
in two hours settin'-out kabbige.
But when he brakes out with Sun
day rumatiz, its awful to see how sell
dunn he can 90 to meetin'. a very bad
attack NV Sunday rumatiz won't keep
q man from goin' to the lection, nor
the theater; but it kums on awful
when the bell wrings fur church. AM
it's strange, too, but bad case Nv Sun
day rumatiz nearly always lasts long
enuff to keep a man away from the
Wensday-nite prayer meetin'.
2. Sunday rumatiz keeps phokes
from kueelin' down in time NV prayer.
Weekday rumatiz won't keep man
from stayin' on his knees an hour
lookin' fur lost nickel; an he can
crawl under barn after settin' hen,
or guse nest. But if he haz Sunday
rumatiz he can't kneel down to join
the congregoshun in prayer. An
snmtimes I've seen woomun all
broke out with Sunday rumatiz. An
notice wimmen hav it wus when
they hav on their best close. I've seen
a woman in a ragged dres, an NV a
weekday she cud get down on her
knees, an scrub the floor; but when
Sunday KUN, an she wus all dressed
up, she had such an awful case Nv
Sunday rumatiz she waz just able to
bow her he'd a little when she prayed.
Oh, it wuz awful to see how the wuz a
sutferin'!
8. Sunday rumatiz keeps phokes
from enjoyin' religun.
1t keeps 'em from pheelin' humble:
Nobody can pheel humble with bad
case NV Sunday rumatiz. Humility is
about the fust letter in the alfabet Nv
true religun, an it's capitle letter at
that. But Sunday rumatiz IL a stran-
ger to hewmility. 1t keeps 'em from
pheelin' sympathy. When man haz
Sunday rumatiz he haz no sympathy
fur poor sinner at the penitent form.
AM notice when man iz sufterin'
with Sunday rumatiz, he don't shake
hands very warm with the preecher.
1t keeps 'em from bein' soshible. 1t
shuts up the phountain Nv pheelin',
am makes the poor sufferln' victim
pheel very fond NV hiz own society.
Now, Messrs. Editurs, do you, or
emmy NV yore pacific readers, kno NV
emmy remedy fur this fashunable an
Uncomfortable dizeaze. It's mighty
thick here in Suthurn Calaforny, an it
stiffens up the people, an thins out the
prayer meetin' most awfully. It's az
kontagus az the meezles, an az disfig-
urin' az the smallpox. 1 don't beleev
"Saint Jacobs Oil" will DO Sunday ru-
matiz pashents emmy good. But [ do
beleev if we cud have phu dozen
cases NV real, old-fashioned, konfuent
religun, it wud Timber up this Sunday
rumatiz amazin'ly.
Yours in kompashun,
cousin BETSEY."