Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-03-30
PIlII AND POINT.

SETTING updrinks results in upseiting
drinkers.
LIFE is short-only four letters in it.
Ihree-quarters Of 1t is q "lie," and half
OF it is an If" Put this on file if you
would "a lief"
"HULLo. Bob! The coach is full
Gue $ we'll have to strap YOU on be-
hid" Bob-"No, you don't. / had
enough of that when l was q boy
London Punch
DIR. Koch having stated that the best
%precaution against cholera is to avoid
the use OF va er, the health officers OF
Kentucky have declared tnat no quar-
antlne is necessary.
The young lady who made 700 words
out of Conservatory" last autumn has
run away from home. Her mother
wanted her to make three loaves of
bread out OF flour"
JoNEs-"Mhat a waspish summer this
is" Smith-"Waspish! What a queer
term for a summer season" 1T exactly
describes this summer, however,"
why. how?" 1T is hottest at the end"
-Philadeiphia CAL.
COLORADO has a woman who speaks
eight languages, but when her husband
comes in at 3 in the morning with his
legs hopeless V entangled she doesn't
dew ate very far from the Colorado inter-
probation of plain English.
"ISEvER saw such a woman in all my
life," sad Bass; you are never salts
fed with anything" People who
know fha man fnnE TO- Iy.1opI ~
repll ed Mrs. b. think. on the contrary,
that l am very easily satisfied"
QUEEN VICTORIA invariably has her
ice-cream analysed by q chemical ex-
pert AS yet nothing but pure chalk
and water and corn-starch have been
discovered. The Queen lives in hopes
OF striking a trace of cream sometime.
A WESTERN man has invented a piv-
oted church-seat which enables one to
easi.y turn and see what kind of bon
nets are worn by the female worship
ers. 1t will hardly supersede the mir
ror set in the binding OF the hymn
book.
do YoU know, Uncle John, why YOU
are like your horse ?" asked Ella, who
ha been pestered by her avuncular rel.
alive in regard to her young man.
Uncle John who considers himself Q
great fellow among the fair sex)-"Be-
cause I'm a little fast, | suppose. Ha!
ha ha" Ella-"No, Uncle John; it 10
because you interfere."-BoSton Tran
script
I wHY2
r MINER roses dle7
Why do the willows weep
lbabies Creep
Happy davs all pass?
W. a.. lovers sigh?
way "a '"o horses AID c VS. eat grassf
FISHERS Iier
bearded lions roar?
Why do the brides sing2
~fancient maideus snOre2
and vow thew do no such thin
w. H. Duooeu a.. Life.
IT is related Of q Jolly old sea Cap
lain who boards at one of the uptown
hotels, that. returning from "a day at
the shore" the landlord quietly sug-
gested that Que of the b)vs pilot him
70 his room. Pilot" said the mariner,
a. he crammed his hat on the back OF
his head and supporting himself against
the counter regarded his host with .
fixed st re; pilots be blanked; wha' I
vans q lighthousei'-BoSton CONNER.
cidl Bulletin.
A oREAT match was being played be-
tween two professors of billiards, and
The incidents OF the contest excited tho
liveliest interest Of the spectators, one
OF whom, the better to watch the exo-
cution OF IN extremely difficult stroke.
i~mprudently leaned foreward from his
seat q little too far. and received from
the butt OF the players cue, so smart .
blow upon the nose a. 10 make IT bleed.
Never mind sii," said the professor,
Usa0ua1E y covsted al The ssua'