Omaha daily bee., 1888-06-10

His old horse baked. and the minister's irt
Was raised, as we all could see:
And the minister thought like a house afire
But he only said, dear me!n
D"H. X" who is evidently a good, pious
metropolitan Methodist, sends in this:
And so we have for bishop here
An old as well as Newman;
And what we like, its very clear,
He's always been a true man.
A Paris milkman was recently arrested foi
stealing holy water from the font of a church
The man who thinks it is his duty to get
drunk on Sunday cannot be kept sober by
law. No, sir; not by a joyful.
Now we are told that there are no politi cs
in heaven. That is pretty rough on the poll
~ticians. Not at all. They do not go there.
In keeping the women out of their confer
ence, it appears that the good brothers have
shown less of method in their MADNESS in
their Methodism.
A pastoral CALI trust the congregation
will come forward with all possible liberality
to-day, as the interest on the church debt is
more than a month over due.'
1t isn't impossible for a real estate agent
to be a christian but there is a popular i'm.
press ion that he can't be a christian all the
week and still succeed in business.
{ The members of Il Brooklyn church were
recently caught kissing each other on a
street corner after choir rehearsal. These
delightful practices don't generally re-choir
rehearsal.
st. Louis offers to back her popular
preacher against anything in Chicago for
points to the amount of s., 900, and articles OF
agreement have been drawn up and are ready
to be signed.
A Los Angeles minister, who was in the
swim himself, one Sunday morning an.
nounced; Dearly beloved, you will find the
words of my text this morning in Matthew's
addition to the new testament, lot l, block ~
Minister Your daughter is handsome, Mr..
Snapp er. Snapper-Yes, she is. Pm think
ing Of having her join the church choir. M
That's good. Is she a fine vocalist! S-She
can't sing at all, but she's a devil of a tenn
per.
AT a holiness meeting near Chicago the
other day a man rose in his seat, crying that
1t had been revealed to him that Il woman in
the audience was Christ incarIate, and that
the whole assemblage should fall down and
worship her.
st. Peter Ito applicant)-Who are you,
sir! Applicant (contidentially)-Im an
American newspaper humorist. st. Peter
have TO be carefully considered. In the
meantime you can lie down in the shade of
that chestnut tree and wait.
During a Second Adventist baptism which
took place in a town that bordered upon the
Connecticut river, the minister, after having
Wdlheu III u nuHDer OF yafdS with the per-
son to be baptized, turned to the people on
the shore and said: "Please sing SEINE APP
propriate hymn" At which an over-zealOus
sister .piped up the hymn, 'Pull for the
shore.
In a town not many miles from this city
the congregation of a chur ch gathered one
beautiful Sabbath morn ing recently TO find
that the only key to the church was in the
possession of the sexton, which distin-
guished f~unctionary could not be found.
Messengers were sent in every direction, but
no sexton-no key. At last an old man was
found who reported that at early dawn the
sexton was seen digging worms.
The celebrated court physician, Kober,
once preached a very powerful sermon
against intemperance. The grand duke of
Saxony, whose nose looked like a Chinese
lantern, happened to be present, and he nat
urally regarded the remarks as referring to
himself; consequently he looked very Sc
verely at the eloquent court preacher, who,
catching the grand ducal eye, modified his
remarks by saying: drunkenness is I'M
doubleday a great and henious sin, against
which every true christian should be
warned, excepting, of course, our beloved
grand duke, whom God preserve TO us many
years YETI