Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1888-06-06

"My trent, / vas new in dot pizness,
und [ bought an overstock of dot
make. "-NeW York Journal
ONE Sunday lady friend of mine took
her little niece to the Episcopal Church
for the first time and placed her in the
infants class. On the way home the
little girl said to her aunt "Aunty, did
they pass around shovels in your class
They did in mine. boston Globe.
CHICAGO magistrate Ito prisoner)-
The other members of your family are
all respectable. are they not?' Prisoner
-"Weil, my brother Jim is something
of disgrace" Chicago Magistrate
'What does Jim do 2" Prisoner" Jim's
Prohibitionist and lives in ST. Louis"
''Do you know if Brown is a man of
ability, Dumley ?" 81 don't know any
thing about Brown, or his ability either,
and don't want to know. He refused to
lend me $25 six months ago, and [
haven't noticed him SINCE" 'sHe seems
to be a man of financial ability, Dunn
ley. 1.-THE Epoch.
THERE was a sign upon fence
The sign was paint"
And everybody that went by,
Sinner and saint,
Put out finger, touched the fence
And onward sped,
Aud as they wiped their finger tips,
cit is" they said.
Boston Courier
CITIZEN Ito leader of little German
band )-''Here, Dutchy, is a five-dollar
bill if you will play for an hour"
Dutchy (highly pleased )-"Ah. you vos
fond of dot music ~ Citizen-''No; but
25O-pound enemy Of mine occupies the
second floor front, and he is too big a
man for me to tackle myself. "-NeW York
.Sun
WOMAN Ito tramp)-"And if give you
a nice plate of hash will you promise to
saw some wood ?" Tramp-''Yes, m"
Woman (doubtfully)-"I don't know
whether [ can put confidence in you or
not" Tramp (reproachfully) "You
ought to, ma'am. | have confidence
enough in you to eat the hash. '-Har-
per's Bozor
SQUIRE OATcAKE Ito dealer in bric-a-
brac)-"I wanter git suthin' nice, Mis-
ter, t. take hum for the wiie's birthday"
say to this elegant French cabinet ?'
Oatcake- "Er-guess l want suthin'
stronger'n that. Accordin' to the pa
pers these French Cabinets don't last no
time. y Life.
THREE little BOYS in down river town
attend the same school, They are out
four years old and are in the same class.
The other day they were called out by
the teacher and asked how to spell
certain word. They all failed, and one
of the little fellows looked up to the
teacher and said: ''Now, Mr.. NJ, you
are in terrible fix, amt you ?"-Bon-
gor Commercial.
"SM1THERs, this is prayer-meeting
night. Bring Mrs. Smithers and come
along to church" "Would like to 90,
Jonesby, but we can't think of leaving
the children" Half an hour later.
''Smithers, bring your wife over to my
house, and We'll have game Of whist"
"An right, Brownson. Maria, get the
children ready. We're going to Brown
sons to spend the evening""
PoMPoUs old teacher ito class in sacred
history -"What weapon did Samson
use to kill the Philistines?' No one re-
members. Pompous ola teacher (who
believes in suggesting answers, touching
his chin What is this?" Bright boy
(who takes the hint and remembers it
all now)-''The jaw bone of an ass, sir"
Circus, in which pompous old teacher
and bright boy are principals.-Judge
''YoUR Honor" said the vagrant who
was pleading his own case, as he turned
toward the Judges desk, "povery amt
in this free country if he don't want to-
I'm as good a man as there is in this yer
court room, although I've lived for the
last four days on nothin but whisky an
onions" Prisoner" exclaimed the
Judge, hastily raising the window be-
hind him, address your remarks to the
jury"
A CLERGYMAN In presence of one of his
elders and lady parishioner remarked
jocularly that a very good subject for
discussion at the church meeting would
be- Chow to Kill Out a Prayer Meet
ing" "Oh," said the lady, ''the elder
here can tell us all about that; for he al
ways prays to the Lord 'to water the
spark that Thou hast kindled.'" When
things were explained to the good elder
he Joined in the smile-Sat Lake
Tribune.
Mrs. SMITH left the house a few
minutes this afternoon, John, and baby
destroyed those two cigars you left lying
on the footrest. Mr.. Smith-The med
ding little thing She ought to have
been punished. Those cigars cost me
20 cents. Mrs. Smith-And your terrier
puppy completely ruined my new
spring bonnet. Mr.. Smith-Ho no
no The frisky little rascal. / tell you.
Maria, there's mettle in that pup
Binghamton Republican.
THE 3-year-old was in trouble again,
and mamma planted him in a chair with
thud that astonished his infantile ideas
ofinertia. ''Now you sit there and don't
you take your eyes off that clock till the
big hand gets to 8. I'll find some way
to punish you" He sat as motionless as
the business man who doesn't advertise
until the minute hand had covered
RI In gIbnna h