The Republican., 1888-10-06
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

There are 40O,000,000 cigarettes
used in this country annually. The
undertakers, doctors and officers of in.
sane asylums have great reason to be
thankful. IrdUeler.
AS a result of advertising furniture
on the installment plan, a Boston furni.
ture dealer was rather surprised the
other day when a woman came in and
asked for 'Mr. Installment," and did
not want to talk to any one else.
Hostess BOARDING -house) Which
do you prefer, Mr.. de Lean, new pota-
toes or old?" Mr.. de Lean-'It doesn't
matter about the potatoes, madam; but
if you have two kinds of chicken, l will
take the new. ."-PbjladelphiG Record.
Not long since we heard a young
lady complain that her "beau did talk
so slow that she most always forgot
the first of sentence before he got
through, and didn't know whether to
answer yes or no. seEsE
"A correspondent writing from San
Francisco says that ladies of that
city wear sealskin cloaks the year
round, and that the sight of heavy
fur wraps and overcoats at times dur
ing the summer is not at all uncom-
mon
Child Cat theatre during grand
ballet attraction )-'Where do all the
pretty ladies come from. Mammal
Mamma -.'From behind that big. errr>
tain at the back; there are many rooms
there" 80, yes; the undressing
rooms. Philadelphia Record.
An indignant parent, in rebuking a
refractory son, exclaimed: "Remem-
Der who you are talking to, sir! I'm
your father!" To which the youth re-
joined: 80, come now, hope you amt
going to blame me for that. ."-Tr0y
Times.
Woman (to tramp)-IfI give you
a nice dinner will you help me put up
some patent self-rolling window cur
tains? Tramp-No, ma'am. I'll saw
wood, carry in coal, or dig postholes,
but l wouldn't help a woman on win
dow curtains if she gave me Delmon-
leo spread,-N Y. Sun.
Mr.. Warner Hurt dropped in at the
post-office in Cumming, Ga, the other
day, and bought ten cents worth of
postage stamps. He told the post
master that it was the first purchase OF
the sort he had ever made, and that in
all his life-he is over seventy-six now
he had never written or received a
letter.
did you bake these biscuits?" he
asked at the supper table. ''Yes,
George; [ made them expressly for
you," she winningly replied. "And
yet" said George, vainly trying to
pry open biscuit, ''you have always
told me you loved me, and couldn't
live without me"-NorrjStoWD Herald.
-''And what answer do you make
to my appeal?" he asked, as he knelt
at her feet. james, will be frank
with you" she hemurmured. 80, speak,"
he implored, land relieve me of this
agony of suspense "Then let me
say it can not be-" 'Why notP" .'Be-
cause, James, do not feel able to sup
port husband. ."-Boston Courier.
-Author-''You say the story has
merit. Then why do you hesitate
about taking it?" Book publisher
"Why, you see, sir, you have not an
established reputation. You are not
widely known yet. The announcement
of a story by you would not of itself be
sufficient to make spontaneous de-
mand for it" Author-'Tve fixed all
that | have friend that is book
reviewer, and as soon as my story ap-
pears he is to brand it at once as a
plagiarism from one of Zola's earlier
works. - Chicago Tribune.
Had to Give 1t Up-Long-haired
Passenger (to stranger -"My friend.
are you commercial traveler?n
Stranger-'Yes, sir, and I'm making
lots Of money" Long-haired Passenger
-''Ah, my young friend, there is some
thing to live for in this world beside
mere money, which moth and rust cor
rupt and which thieves break through
and steal. | was commercial man my
self once" Stranger-"Didn't you
like the business?" Long-haired Pas
senger-"Yes, but there wasn't any
money in it."-Epocb.