Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1888-08-26
abrelins Register
CRANK INVENTORS.
oon DvyICys THAT CONF TO THE PATENT
OFFICE.
Ssu Seeking Perpetual NodOn-Aoundng House
On Whsels-Tbs Dogs Prisnd-An 10
gsniOus Scheme for Avoiding
Railroad Collisions.
a. c,or,a in y. Louis Post Dispalch.

sh,o.5 through the land IN untounded m
that the Government has offered 81,
0no noO for the discovery of such device
No contradiction corrects the impression
- more than il does the equally prepos
tsrons delusiOn that some one has offered
- nav 500 for Loco, COO postage stamps.
wnsn sseh new claim for perpetual motion
- commissioner Hall merely writes
So, So. "Plesse tile working model and
~ snnlicstiou will be considered" This
sISays puts q stoptO it, for the model never
works
Tbs commissioner showed me yesterday
400 ala volumes, "Perpetuum Mobile" a
sIson;els Of the various devices for perpet-
,,aI motion. The first were made 1000
wears 400. and since that time the delusion
has stumbled through 80 many complicated
S,;Inres that all governments are justified
- doing what the French Academy did as
s,rIv a. l7T5-refuse 10 consider any inven-
ion WHICH claims To give power without
an eouiyslsnt expenditure OF energy.
SnpIiration vas made some time ago
from Kentucky for a patent for Tying =
weight Of specific gravity to a cows tail to
ksen her from switching it when you are
milking
ciic gravity, and he WAS very much sur
n-i.sd 10 yet az answer from the examiner:
"pA,eot refused. Idea old. Seems 10 be
v,r,pally the same ~ that invented by the
,Sonire of SPANS must famous knight.
Wrsn the mule hrayed and disturbed his
sIasp S.ncho PAnza noticed that it always
elevated its tail simultaneously, so be tied
a weight OF specific gravity to the mules
rail and the sleep of Don Quixotte was
disturbed no mere.
An odd patent has been granted TO shut
the moth miller out OF beehives. A rural
observer noticed that by some curious pro-
vision of nature the moth miller got into
heshiyes At the very time chickens went
20 roost He acted accordingly, and his
device makes the weight of the chickens,
when they fly TO rOOst, close a gate at the
month of the beehiyes, which etfeetuslly
excludes tie moth. The inventor thought
fnIIy laws in his application: Bot ex-
meet that, after time, the miller may get
sense enough 10 keep watch of the chick
ana COME III lew
An applicant for pas patent proposes
10 make gas by heating air red hot"
A funny patent, for which there is not
An extensive SAT, is a spiral spring, for
mules feet. to elevate the animals eight
inches from tee ground. This is for use
only in war. aud enables howitzer to be
fired from a mules bdck without breaking
his legs by the Gecoil. IL is said 10 I'LL q
mule with establishment, and to make him
seasick.
Another patent, actually granted, some
what analogous to this, is for stills for q
horse They are adjustable, and can be
fastened on two legs Of a horse on the
same side, 80 ~ TO plow with the ami
NAL ON a side hill ~ The opinion of the
horse regarding the value of this invention
is not on file
The agricultural contrivances are very
numerous, aud some of them are so iDgsn-
ious as to suggest that the inventor must
have sat in the warm corner OF the tire
place aud thought about them all winter
Oae farmer has utilized a horses step by
fastening n corn planter TO each Of his fore
feet, ~ that in driving him across the field
he will punch the seed into the ground and
cover it at every step sll day, for his boots
are filled with corn.
A patent exists for mounting house on
wheels no that il may be turned around on
q circular track, the benefit being that
every part OF the residence IL thus alter
nately brought TO the front gate, and the
sun, which ~ VIGOROUSLY limited to semi
circuit, Is made to shine INTO every window
10 spite OF the laws of the solar system.
am sorry TO report that this patent has
nearly rua out, and that if people with cav
ernous and darksome rooms would take
advantage of it they must do so without
further delay.
There il y patent for putting springs
under house To keep an earthquake from
tumbliDg it dOwn-by the inventor of the
hOwit1er- resisting mule.
There IL patent for sinking q steam
boiler 80 deep into the earth that the great
heat would generate steam for use on the
surlace-thus avoiding explosions and
saving fuel. IL Is the opinion of some geo
lOgists that sufficient heat for this would
he obtained at depth Of about three
miles.
Worthy of notice is the scheme for sup
plying cities with milk. The inventor
proposes to lay complete system Of pipes,
all them with water to keep them pure
and cool, and let IN milk at the end.
An application Was made for patent for
~ device to enable y dog to turn short
corner bot it is yet hung up in the patent
office on account OF doubts of its utility.
The inventor said he had noticed that a
dog, in turning q corner rapidly, always
projected his tail in an opposite direction,
striving thus TO overcome his momentum.
This claimant claims a p3lm-lesf fan 80
tied to u dogs tail that it will operate
vertically, AID thus enable him more read
lily 10 alter his course.
curious patent has been granted "to
enable trains To avoid collisions" lie pro-
vides that one train shall he supplied with
prolonged inclined eow-catcher in front
and reac, 40 that the other train, appear
ing unexpectedly, iGstead OF tslsseoping
will run right up ON the top of 1t and over
on the level track at the other end The
inventor is now eudgsling his brain to de
eide which train shall bs the climber and
which the clumb.
Another curious patent is = stupsndou;
swing 10 be elevated above tbs railroad de
pot, containing such passengers IS desire Il
take ihs next express train which does moi
stop. When the train is sighted the swinE
is Oscilated, and when ii goes laundering
underneath the swing moves gently in th'
direction the train is going and quietly
spills the passengers into the cars. This
invention has not been tried.
A new fOOt-warmer that attracts some
attention in q showcase is forked rubber
tube that runs down over the chest and
down the pantslOon legs and into the
boots. The method of conveying cAloriC
to the lower extremitieS is the reverse OF
complicated. The wearer simply blows in
to the top of the tube.
Doe OF the curious patents OF recent
years is 4 wooden cat covered with lnmin-
Gus paint to scare away rats.
A patent for q church collection box was
taken out by a Methodist deacon Of Con-
necticut recently. IL is so constructed
that the surface box instantsneously turns
over, depositihg each coin into lower box.
This prevents money being taken ont Of
the box and il exposes those who pretend
to make an Offering" but do not, for .
gesture is not followed by the Jingle.
II. l.. -.