Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1888-02-22
STOLEN JOKES.


to be'polite. just wanted to Know
[Harper's Young People.
IT is nonsense to assert that Italians
do not readily become Americanized.
The president of an Italian SAVINGS
bank in New York has decamped with
$3.50, 000.-[Omaha World.
OVER 5000 pianos are ruined every
year, in this country, by changes of at
mosphere The poor man thus saves from
$500 to 81, 900 per wear by not having a
piano. Detroit Free Press.
How to lay on shingles without using
nails" is the heading of newspaper
article. But We didn't read it. We
knew all about it. We were a boy once
ourself-[ Yonkers Statesman.
"WHAT is that, mammal" Liberty
Enlightening the World, my dear" lis
Liberty always woman" Yes,
dear" "And do women enhghten the
world?'' "Yes. dear" ooh p'-[ Har-
per's Bazaar.
''BY GEORGE exclaimed Wagstaff
with a cbuckle, as he looked his cards
over, Il don't believe [ could improve
on this hand" perhaps you have
never tried soap on it, suggested Buck
horn.-[ Chicago Tribune.
One day Ernest had been seriously
lectured by his mother, and finally sent
to the yard to find a switch with which
he was to be punished. He returned
soon and said: Il couldn't find any
switch, mamma; but here's stone you
can throw at me-"
CoUNTRYMAN Ito hotel clerk II reckon
you'll have to give me another room,
mister. Clerk-What's the matter with
the one you have? CONFERENCE.-THE
sign says Don't blow out the gas. an,
b. gosh, / can't sleep with all that light
IN the room.-[New York Sun.
CONGRESSMAN representing a close
district You bet We spell vote with
big Y in my district. Congressman
representing closer district)-Is that
all? We spell it with an X in mine,
and then we are not always sure we've
got it right Washington Critic.
A DETROIT woman has brought an ac-
ton for divorce because her husband
hit her with decayed apple when she
importuned him TO tell where he had
been. 1t seems to have been case in
which a soft answer did not turn5 away
WRATH Binghamton Republican.
YOUNG lady from Omaha to country
cousin: MARY, dear, | think you are
very careless to leave your hustle living
bustle." 'Why, right in front of you
there" THAT isn't hustle. That's a
hen coop."-[Nebrask State Journal.
OMAHA man-Is Kansas City as full of
real-estate agents as ever? Returned
traveler-Most of their offices are
closed. "What has become of them"
"We0, | don't know, of course, but
there is good deal of sand-bagging go
ing on down there. y Omaha World.
II is rumored that Mr.. Lowell is re-
vising his courtship poem, in which
''Zeke peeked thru the winder-" This
particular line Will read: ezekiel
cher know" Mr. Lowell is either in
England or Will sail for there shortly
THE Epoch.
COUNTRY minister-Don't YOU know,
little boy, that it is wrong to fish on Sun
day? Why don't you 90 home? Little
Boy-I'm afraid to. Country minister
Your father will punish you, will he f?
Little boy-Yes, sir, if [ don't bring
home more fish than I've ketched so
fer The Epoch.
He never thought of tit was be-
tween the acts and he had just come in
from the outside. eve been ont to get
some fresh air. he said. Indeed"
she queried, ''why didn't you bring
some in to use for breath ?' He sat
down crushed and chewed his cloves in
stern silence.-[Omaha Republican.
YOUNG HUSBAND (year 19OO)-"Well,
did you succeed in getting a girl?'
Young wife-''Yes | secured one final
w, but O John, at such cost" ssWhat
were the terms ?' "She is to receive
$50 a week if she doesn't like you, but
if she likes you [ am to get a divorce
and let her have you. - Omaha World.
THE Detroit Free Press tells of com
pressed air gun that will shoot man
IL 1c
a straight line We should think there
would be some difficulty in finding
220-pound man willing to be fired from
the gun. People are mighty timid
about trying such experiments.-[N Nor
ristown Herald.
LITTLE Polly, 5 years old, who cannot
read word, is busily making believe
read aloud common topics from the
newspaper, in the shape of small items.
Suddenly looking up and seeing every
one watching, she throws the paper
down with disgust, and jumping up ex-
claims: "What stuff they do put In the
papers anyway"
GEORGE was negro boy owned by my
friend, Judge W, in New Orleans.
He was a devout fellow, and enjoyed
his evening prayer beside his gentle
mistress, where, believing in sound
rather than sense, he innocently and
emphatically always said: Forgive us
our precipices and lead us not onter a
plantation" -[ Boston Transcript.
CHICAGO Editor Cooking over paper
inst out)-"Here, Mr.. Proofreader,
You've lie a gross error get into the
naner." What's that?'
Editor-"Why / wrote, They are de-
voted couple, and you have got it They
~"Well let it go 1T will read all right
Tomorrow. - Washington Critic.
Ga making up our forms last satur-
day morning." explains the editor OF q
Texas paper. "our foreman got lot of
cuts misplaced, and in the sporting col