The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-02-09
BRIGHT BITS

CoNFUCIUs was full of white-whiskered wis
dom, and, no doubt knew how TO meet most
emergencies, but well venture to say that
Rochester tree agent could have tackled him on
q bet that he could sell him a lot of shrubs that
he wouldn't accept as gift and won.-PAck'
GENTLEMAN Ito Uncle Rastus) Why, Uncle
Rastus, YOU never charged me 35c. before for
carrying in alton, of coal
Mistah Smif. Yo' KANT expec 70 git seven
dollah coal carried in at de ole rates, sah.-Ihe
Epoch. u .t g..
AN old farmer being asked what he would do
with wild boy when he gets through college,
remarked: IF be gets grace and sobers up he
will do for a teacher OF. minister, but II the
devil keeps the upper hand suppose tho law
will be the place for him. Chicago Inter
Ocean.
A YOUNG BOSTON LADY writing from Italy,
says: Florence is a beautiful place, and with
snow three inches deep It is glorious, and the
mountains are lovely. We have made splen-
did slide and with a kitchen table turned upside
down as Sled we slide splendidly. '-BOStOn
Gazette.
GENTLEMAN TO. Uncle Rastus, who is troubled
with h balky mulel ~ ncle Rastus, do you think
kicking that mule in the stomach will make him
go:
Uncle Rastus- haint muffin wot Il make dat
mule 90 when he 'Cludes not to, sab. I'm only
kickin' him TO my own Satisfaction.-Accident
NelCS.
An, Jamie is dom foine Hesa director in
the opery house and wears a swallytail coat
"A director, is it! An phaJ does director
Sure he directs the people to their seats. y
Chicago Times
Mrs. LAKEFRoNT (of Chicago)-Yes, Lawyer
Sharpedge only charged me 800 for obtaining
my divorce.
Mrs. Stockyard-lS 1t poSSlbleI Why, he
charged me $500.
Mrs Lakefront-Yes, but hsXe always EN-
ployed him in such cases, and that makes diff
ference, you know.-Epoch
'STEvIE," a bright 4-year-old, had been told
that he must not ask for anything to eat when
visiting the neighbors. Soon after, at the house
of distant relative, where he invariably found
something to eat, he hung around, with wish
full sort of look, until finally he broke out:
AUNT Jane, I'm awful thirsty" Are you!'
''Yes, am so thirsty could eat a doughnub."
Boston Globe.
SWEET GIRI4-And so you have been on the
plains for ten years?
Handsome Cowboy-Yes this is the first time
have been back into real civilization.
Now, please tell me, in that lonely life so
far removed from the refining influences of
civilization, you know-what do you miss
most?N
"Oysters. Judge.
"MY DEAR" wrote Quincy lady who was
visiting in Chicago, lone of the pleasures of city
life is that can attend lecture every night
and YOU know how l dote on lectures" And
the brute wrote back: my dear wife, | know
you dote on lectures; but when you are here
Quincy is as good as Chicago l can not only
have one every night, but couple in the morn
ing before breakfast. Chicago Ledger.
MARIA" said Mr. Bius to his wife in tone
of grave reproach, 'for the last hour or more you
have done nothing but find fault with the neigh
bors It's bad habit to get into. If you can't
say good word for other folks it is best to keep
silent and say nothing at all. To change the
subject however," continued Mr.. Blus, CON
ciliatingly and somewhat jOcularlv, several of
my friends have asked me to come out as can
didate for assessor. They want a man, they
say that is honest, capable and deserving and
they tell me | will fill the bill exactly. How
does the idea strike youl' Deep. prolonged
and oppressive silence on the part of Mrs Billus.
and MIR. Billus sinks out of the house with his
hat pulled down over his eyes.-ChicdgO Tribune