The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-02-23
WIT AND HUMOR.

Il i 4 Il -
"Ah." said she, ''when John was
counting me he sued; now we are mar
ried, do the sewing. San Antonis
/ Gossip.
A labor writer asks: What luxury
can the common ditch-digger claim as
his oTn? Dear man, he can take his
pick. Biaehamptoa Republicans.
A Belgian scientist says that salt is
conducive to longevity. This is q
roundabou way of saying that fresh
people are soon killed .-Dazs5stry
Register.
man who wants the earth really
gels only enough to be buried in. aud
worms soon come to dispute his pos
session of even that much.-NeU Or
leans Picayune.
The average club man cares very
little about music. If he can only
strike the KEY of the door with res-
sonable accuracy he is content-BEr-
iingtoa Free Press.
Miss Murrayhill-Are you fond. of
bouillon? Miss Boodle-Yes; in the
abstract, dear, bullion is very nice,
but for practical purposes give me
bank-notes. Bazar.
l met Charley to-day. He was
dressed up so that didn't know him."
You don't mean it! By the way,
where did he get his clothes? l think
I'll try the same tailor. "-Boston Tran
script
What do you expect to make of
your son when he grows up?" 81
hope he will go to Congress But q
Congressman isn't looked upon with
very much respect, nowadays
Epoch.
Wife-My dear, where is No Mans
Land? Husband-Its a small strip
west of the Indian Territory. WhyP
Wife-O, nothing; / was merely think
ing what delightful spot it must be.
-Net0 York San.
Mr.. Talifero of Atlanta, Ca, claims
that he has solved the problem of per-
petual motion. Ho, no; the conceit of
some men. As though he was the
only man in America with a 1O-year-
old boy.-BWrdette.
A teacher writes: what will YOU
charge to publish an advertisement of
high school four inches long?n A
high school four inches long must be
such curiosity that people will go and
see it without advertising.-E1.
To the tin Trust. the Copper Trust,
the Cotton-Seed Oil Trust, and the
Sugar Trust has been added Mutton
Trust. What the public wants is a
chance to get trusted for mutton and
sugar. Philadelphia North american.
Chance acguaintance-"W are
you from?" "Pniladelphia. "What
business are you in there?" '.Profes-
sor of Science at college" "Ahl is
that so? What'll you take to give me
lessons in boxingP-LincoEal Journal
DR.. Pellet-So Scalpet set your
broken arma Patient-Yes, sir. Pei
let-What where his ehargesP Patient
Twenty dollars. Pellet-Robbery,
sir-downright robbery I'd have am
putated it for S25!"-Nebraska State
Journal.
Mother-Well, my boy. how did the
Sunday-school go to-daya SonAOI
pretty well. Next Sunday teacher
wants the boys to bring boxing gloves.
She SAYS all the ministers recommend
sparring as means of grace.-Los0eR
Citizen
| believe to be my inferior treat him
with as much courtesy as though he
were my equal" but it is so seldom
that you meet such a person that it
cannot be much of strain upon YOU"
Lincoln Journal
Stranger to grocer-''Why don't you
sprinkle some sand on the pavement
out here? Half dozen people have
fallen in the last five minutes" 81
haven't any sand" Then sling out
some of your sugar; its just the same
thing. ."-LincoLS1 Journal.
The funniest of the funny transpo-
sItlons occurred when q man VINO
wanted to advertise for a ''fawn-
colored bull-terrier pup" was made to
advertise for ''ire-alarm bell-tower
key" That is what happened right
in this office Observation-Disclosures
Spy.
Johnny (passing a saloon)-"What
makes them call that a sample room,
papa?" Mr.. Jones-''Why by boy,
that's where they manufacture sam
Piles of humanity; there's one of 'em
now, trying to leave his measure for a
toboggan suit in the snow."-DHfs1th
Photographer.
Hospital nurse-Come and taste the
patients plum pudding, DR.. jenkins.
It's elegant. DR.. Jenkins-Graciousi
Is this provided by the hospital?
Nurse-nOt much. 1t was sent up to
case 103 by her friends, but, bless you,
it isn't good for her, so we kept it
1oaon Topics.
s'Wose, deah? Tell me-ah-did
you make a memorandum of the-ah
-wemark l made to you when / was
here befoah? No, Charlie, l didn't"
That's dweadful, cause, don't yer
know, / cawn't wecollect myself
whether pwoposed to you or Clawa."
Whitehall Times.
Young man-The opera was fine
last night, Miss Smith. Miss Smith
Ga new girl from the West-Ahi What
was the score? Young man looks at
her wildly and mutters to himself
Shades of Bizet! Does the woman
think I've been to a baseball match?
Washington CrItic
Stranger Ito Dakota landlord) ~
noticed party of Scared and Grip
ing-room. War veterans, s'pose, en-
JOIluk du dunudl 0lHuOiE OdAOLh
landlord-''No. sir; its q press dinner.
given by the Daily ParGlyzer to his
staff. THE Epoch.
Allow was you wife dressed?
Guzzler - She had on an absinthe
dress, with Chambertin-colored rib
bons and q cognac-colored bonnet
trimmed with ainset lace, which en-
hanced the lustre of her blackberry
brandy eyes. She looked as pretty as
bottle of Johannisberg.-7OD Top
ics.
A boy living on Pearl street while
studying his lesson in history the other
night learned the date of Washing
toms death Addressing his 89-year-
old grandfather he cried: "Grandfa-
ther, what great event occurred in
1892" "Why, l was born in that
year," answered the old man. The
boy troubled him with no more ques-
tions in historY.-Bufalo Courier.
Jay Gould has smoked but one ci-
gar in his life and ne Is worth $50. .000,-
200. He is probably the only man in
the country who has saved so much