The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-08-15
Light minded-The gas man. g
Still life-In a whisky factory. g g
Drawers Of water-Marine artists. >,

They must be improved to be proftable.S
The King of the Dudes has been msr-,
red about six months and is now sub
Jude.
Now is the time to conciliate the girl
father or make friends with the dog
Merchant 1raueler. 80
Why is doctor like q broken windlass2
Bee 4use he can draw nothing from the
we'll. Washington Critic.
Fond Mother-"Do you like babies,
Mr.. Crusty?" Clusty-"Er-yes, when
they're grown up" Judg' {,
"Will the coming man perspire3'f
queries scientist He will if he cones,
on a run.-Binghanton Republican: =
The reason that birds clean out 9. fruit
tree so quickly is that they take the fruit
away peck at time. -Boston BatIetsn
five could see ourselves as others see
US, some of US would see ourselves o.
great deal better than we really are. -
Detroit Pre- Press
She-"Oh, amt that pitcher just too
sweet for anything9 He-s'WeH, .
notice they amt getting no flies of him.
-New Haten Meps.
Sheridan, the wit, bribed man by
promising him a candle-snufer's place,
which Canning said was diagrams
delictum"-burning shame.
81 will now disguise myself so that
even my most intimate acquaintance1
would not recognize me, " said the tramp
as he entered the free bath. .-Hotel 1MaslI
The roses smell sweet
And the groceries cheesy
The ladies look neat
And the butter spreads easy
oil City BiizzaTh 4
A phrenologist says that fullness
under the eyes denotes language When
the fullness is caused by another mans
fist it denotes very bad language, gem
orally.
Miss Highborn-'T tell you, Mr. Wild
west, there is nothing like blood here IN
the East" Wildwest-"It's the same III
the West. We always keep 1t on tap. q
Burlington Free Press.
A camping enthusiast loudly declares
His kind Of vacation immense,
For the man who cool canvas dweihnEI
place shares,
Finds living a pleasure in tents.
-Boston Budget
Now it is announced that the troupe
of Russian musicians who play twenty
four pianos simultaneously is coming t0|
this country next season, and we arej
still without navy and coast defences.
Boston Post.
"Oh, Mrs. Smith, do please INTRODUCED
Mr.. Jones over there to me. !" t1ts hq'
good, dear, he won't dance" stNo, 1
know, but I want to sit out with hind
he goes with my dress so beautifully. ~
London Judy.
"What's that awful racket in the back
room2" inquired customer OF one on
the clerks; somebody trying to yell tho
roof off," "It's the silent partner, sir
the firm is after him for more money ~
Meao York Sun.
She docking at the sea,--"How grand,
how glorious, George, it is to watch the
angry waves as they lash themselves|
against the shore" He with equal
ecstacy, but less fuency)-"Yss, and
how damp it seems"
An Allentown tailoring firm employs g
Young woman to collect from swell cus1
toners who are inclined to shirk paying,
honest debts. This seems to explode tho
old saying that woman's work is neyel
dun. "-NoTristoUn Herald.
Oh, the skeeter possesses an airy wing,
Ank it helps him to hustle around,
While he's somewhat, alas! inclined to sing
And his voice has doleful sound
As he bores away with his little sting
Till we wish we were under the ground.
Boston Budget.
Woman Ito tramp)-"Why don't ye
buy your food stead O. beggin' it7'
Tramp MADAM, I'm too poor to buy
even toothpicks. Womau-"That so
What dive do fer toothpicksl'' TramI
-sI have to use bsrbed wire fences. ~
Mev York Sun.
uI don't sce," said Mr.. Mcclure, as h
sat in the stern of the vessel, show thu
captain can find his way across the
ocean. If he was going the other way
all he'd have to do would be to follow
that white streak behind there, but il
front there's nothing to point the way.
-Harper's Razar.
The bridegroom keeps his secrets, for ht
secrets are his own;
Few people know how large crop OF wild
oats he has sown.
The bride, less fortunate than he, upon th
wedding day
Finds, by some friend or relative, that she
Boston Courier.
Some carpenters were putting fenc}
around the yard where little NJ. lived
Night coming on before they finished
they roughly nailed some long strips o
timber across the posts to protect th
shrubs. NJ, looking at it, sad: 'Tha
fence is just bastei! And, my! wha
long stitches, mamma!"-C Christian RED
ister.
It is stated on reliable authority ths
Miss Mathilda Shcckels will MARI
the Duke of Bangkrupsie, in the autumn
Mr.. Shcckels came to this country fort
wears ago and is worth $4,000, 900 I'd
day. He has given an order to forid
to make grand floral emblem for IL
wedding, bearing the words: "Fro1
the steerage to the peerage. ."-New Yor
Sun.