davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
THE PoNDERLIrr.
A New and Remarkable Invention by
"One-Eyc Crank"

"One-Eyc Crank"
EDITOR Critic: You promi ed me
long time ago good long notice of the
above when l would be ready for it.
That interesting period has now arrived.
Being an inventor, am, of course, i'm q
chronic state of impecuniosity; but if
have the luck to raise few dimes in a
day or two, to pay for printing, you will
be able to publ sh notice as follows;
"a one-eycd crank called at our Office
this morning, bearing on back and breast
large placards with these remarkable
words: The Ponderlift and Non-reaction
Fulcrum Combined; like the printing
press and the steam engine, it begins a
new period in the history of the world.
Patent applied for. Capital wanted
Further particulars from bearer
"We know the bearer some thrty.odd
years ago in the far West, but never knew
any particular good of him, nor much
harm; he had $3.50 sort of n talent as q
newspaper writcr--we have even seen
some passable poetry from his pen but
this last oscapade is almost enough to
create doubt in our mind as to his c0nlpos
mcnis. We know nothing about his in
venton. Ifit be really of national i'm
portance, his last freak is more like an in
genious advertising dodge than anything
in the eccentric line"
Let me tell you little that / know
about said invention, old neighbor. II
has been demonstrated, too, among
Others an examiner-in.chief a Patent
Office examiner, an ex-chief clerk of one
of the Departments, noted model maker
of Washington, noted and wealthy in
ventor of Washington and his friend, u
prominent merchant. The Ponderlift
and non.reaction fulcrum combined does,
indeed begin new period in the history
of the world; 1t is n new departure. Three
pounds avoTrdupois does not cause 10
pounds to rise (that would be mechan-
ical impossibility); 10 pounds causes 10
pounds to rise, but 10 pounds of the said
i3 pounds is the weight the machine
raises pounds alone descend is that
n conundrum? 1t is n literal fact ! am
prepared TO demonstrate IL.
JOIN LEE COOPER,
1925 Pennsylvania avenue.
NAV o5
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
Coal I'm North Carolina.

A Raleigh, IN. C.) dispatch says; "Four
years ago the State made an attempt to
explore coal deposits in the valley of Dan
river. They were not properly examined
and the people were dissatisfied. Another
survey is now in progress, and reports re-
ceived by the Department of Agriculture,
under the auspices of which il Is being
conducted, show that there is both hard
and soft coal, which improve in quality
as borings extend deeper. Iron deposits
near there are valuable, and increase in
value by nearness of coal. A sale OF inn
portant iron mines has just been made to
New York and Western parties, who pro-
pose to establish extensive smelling fur
naccs near Walnut Cave, on the Cape
Fear and Yadkin Valley Railway. The
company which makes the purchase has
carefully examined tho property and will
invest large capital. General Thomas
Ewing Of Ohio is one purchaser"
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
National Republican Convention,
ChiCanO, ILL.,

The Republican National League Of
this city, having perfected arrangements
with the Pennsylvania Railroad for trans
portation of members and their friends to
Chicago, ILL.,, on the occasion of the Ma
tional Republican Convention, to be held
in that city June 10 next, will leave
Washington by special train, composed
of Pullman vestibnle sleeping cars, Satur-
day, June lG, at 10 a, M, reaching Chi
cago following morning. For this trip
the round"trip rate b, has been re-
duced to Il nominal figure, namely, $ls,
which includes sleeping-car accommodi-
lions and meals en- route in both direc.
tions, tickets being available for return
passage until June 26, inclusive. AS the
disposition of tickets and sleeping-car
accommodations has been placed IN the
hands of the committee, application
should be made at once to either Colonel
j.. =. Wright or Robert s. Fletcher, at
League Headquarters, in order to secure
good location.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
Swallowing Enlsc Teeth.

Mrs. Frances Murray, of New York,
aged so years, had iit of coughing April
q, and accidcntly swallowed her false
teeth There were four teeth on a rubber
plate, and they stuck in her throat in
such position that they could not be re.
moved without much danger and dilli-
Guilty. A surgeon was called to attend her
but IL was not until Wednesday that he
was able to dis!odge the teeth from her
throat. Meanwhile Mrs. Murray had
been deprived Of food, had suffered con
slant pain, and had been in danger of
suilocation The teeth had worn hole
in her oosophagus before they were re-
moved. She continued to fail rapidly de.
spite the removal of the obstruction, and
Saturday morning, when she had fallen
into comatose condition, she was re-
moved TO the New York Hospital. She
died at the hospital in the afternoon. An
autopsy showed that her death was caused
by exhaustion following the perioration
of the oesOphagus.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
How They Execute in Spain.

Spanish executions are run in some
what peculiar way. On the 18th instant
a young woman, her lover and an ac-
coniplice were gaToted IN Madrid.
Twenty-four hours before the time fixed
for their death they were first told when
they would cease to live. Then they
were taken to the prison chapel and kept
there until they were marched to the
scatiold. One of the condemned was so
violent in his terror that il took six
warders to dress mm and get him out of
his cell. In the chapel they received
hundreds Of visitors, received all the food
and drink they wanted and spent part of
their time, when the wine had nerved
them up, and between prayers, in play
ing cards. II scailold upon which they
were throttled was erected in the prison
yard, but higher than the walls, so that
the 10000 spectators gathered in the
streets might enjoy the spectacle.
Finally the dead bodies were kept ex-
posed TO the public gaze until sunset.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
Excursion to ST. Louis National
Democratic Convention.

The Democratic Clubs of the District of
Columbia have arranged for special train
from Washington to st. Louis and re-
turn via Il. and o. Railroad. leaving
Washington at p. M, Saturday June
?, arriving at st. Louis Sunday evening,
June 3. Supper will be taken at Cum
berland, breakfast at Cincinnati and din
ner at Vincennes. The train will be
composed Of II. and o. Palace Sleeping
Cars. On the return TIP the special will
leave Bnion Depot, st. Louis, at s p. M,
Wednesday, June g, arriving in Wash
ington Friday morning, June s. The
round-tIip fare, including Sleeping Car
accommodations, one berth per passenger
each way, and meals en- route both going
and returning, will be $40 per capita.
Sleeping Car accommodations on this
train can be reserved in advance upon
application to the following members of
the Democratic Committee viz:
Wm. Dickson, lll7 II street northwest,
Charles Thompson, ir., Corcoran Build
ing.
Lawrence Gardner, 40 Tenth st. N. w.
w. ii. Clagett, $40 Market Space.
Lycurgus Dalton, Postmaster House OF
Representatives.
J, Hadley Doyle, Sunday Hcrdld.
julius Emmner, 1911 Fstreet northwest.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
A Strange Animal.

1--WE have a horse in this city that is
deaf as post" said DR.. j. b. Hemphill
of Titusville, Pa, to New York Press
correspondent. "He belongs to Walter
Bresley, the drayman. The animal can
not hear thunder, but he is especially
tractablc and promptly obeys all COM
mands of the whip. His driver never
speaks to him, but starts, guides and
deaf four years. He lost his hearing by
being too close to cannon that was
being fred on the Fourth of July.
treated the animal for three months, but
could do him no good. l think the
drums of his ears were permanently in
inred by the concussion.n
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
CITY NEWS rAnAenArns.

The Missouri Democratic Association
meet tonight.
The alumni Of Howard ate their an
nual dinner Thursday.
John VI. Neale has succeeded II. Gut
shall as watchman at the Chain Bridge.
Francis Hufty broke his leg. Mt
Eleventh and 4 streets, yes erday after
noon while getting out of his carriage.
Colonel a. II. MARYLAND, whose death
was noticed in yesterdays CRIrIc, will be
buried from ST. Johns at $3.50 tomorrow.
The unfinished Ginoh oast-steol gun
has arrived at the Navy-Yard from Pitts
burg. It's to be finished III about three
months.
Two freights colided at 81. Asaph
junction, on the Alexandria and Wash
ington Railroad, yesterday, but no one
was injured.
The class of ss of the Sponceriau
Business College presented their saludito-
rian, Joseph w. Anderson, with hand
some ring last night.
supreme Ruler J. NJ Richards of
Friendship Lodge, No. I, /. o. NJ, was
last night presented with gold watch
chain and charm.
The Hon. John Il. Washington VI.
c., of Tennessee, will address the Ohio
Democratic ASSOCIATION at their meeting
this evening at 1880.
The Philadelphia Knights Templar
to-day, accompanied by q number of
Washington knights, visited Mt. Vernon.
They 20 on home o-night.
Joseph /. Joyce was buried from his
late home Mt COG Thirteenth street, at
0.30 this morning. AT 10 o'clock requiem
mass was celebrated at st. Matthew's.
The delegates from this city to the
High Tent of the Independent Order of
Rechabites returned last night and report
u harmonious and successful convention.
The "lonourable Artillery Com
rany' of London arrived in Now York
Yesterday and took the train for Niagird.
They will come to Washington tomorrow
bishop Newman will arrive this
afternoon, and will be given an informal
reception i'm the church parlors tonight.
He will preach tomorrow morning and
afternoon.
The Catholic clergy who came here to
he present at the university ceremonies
are rapidly returning to their bones.
The Cardinal and Archbishop Ryan left
yesterday afternoon
The bondholders in the Light In
iUntry Armory building met last night
to consider the proposition to reduce the
Interest on the bonds 10 five per cent.
No definite action was taken.
Just after the cornerstone Of the
Catholic University was laid n wealthy
Catholic who dors not wish his name
made public, called on Bishop Keanc
and donated 100000 to the fund.
Lieutenant Amiss and Private Ken
dali last night arrested Robert Davis,
Nola Phipps and Frank Donohue, all
snail boys, for breaking into Bucking-
hams candy store, 1923 Pennsylvania
avenue.
The four companies of the High
| School Cadets gave a fine exhibition drill
ut the High School Hall last night before
very large crowd. First place was given
to Company A, and second to Com
pany q.
After the meeting of the Woman's S
| National Press Association at Willard's last
night Colonel Staples was presented with
handsome cane by the ladies, and after
ward the Colonel rendered the ladies u
| banquet.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
Size orthe Humnn ncnrt.

The masculine heart weighs more and
is larger than that possessed by the fair
sex. A heart, it would appear, grows
most quickly during the first and second
years of life, and between the second and
seventh years It doubles in size. Until
after the iiftieth birthday the heart still
grows little. In childhood the male and
I, male heart are the same size; but after
manhood the masculine heart develops
much more than the female and ends by
being two square inches larger than the
latter London Standard,
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
Instinct OF Avocation.

] saw not long ago little boy who
evinced most decided talent for draw
ing from nature. He could take a crayon
pencil and slips of paper and make pic
ture of any ofyour acquaintance and you
would readily recognize it. The same
day saw him while at table get his spoon
fastened in the handle of his cup. L
watched him intently. He tugged away
manfully trying to extricate the spoon by
pushing the bowl part through. 1t
seemed never to occur to him to let the
handle pass through. That boy would
mechanical genius. No use to try to
make a matchmaker or machinist Of him.
-[uWOmen.n
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
Suicide a La q Shc.n

There has been at Nordhausen most
theatrical and awful suicide. A young
girl completely saturated all her clothing
with benzine, and, standing on the sta
train rolled up TO the station. The pas
sengers saw pillar of fire, and, trying to
put out the flames, were overcome with
horror to hear a human voice ask irrita-
bly, why they couldn't let her burn qui-
ety. Berlin Cable Dispatch to the NJ Y.
Herald,
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
I ow Rates to ST. Eouis, via Penn
SXiXnnia NnilrOnn

For the convenience of delegates and
others desiring to visit St. Louis, Mo, on
the occasion Of the National Democratic
Convention to be held in that city June
next, the Pennsylvania Railroad Com
pany has arranged for special train, COM
posed of Pullman Buffet sleepisg cars, To
leave Washington NJ 10 q. M. Saturday
next, the I'd proXimo, for which round
trip tickets, including sleeping-car ac-
conn odations in both directions, and
meals en- route going, are now being sold
at the low rate of $50, the tickets being
valid for return passage on regular trains
until June IL, inclusive. AS the space on
this special train is being rapidly disposed
Of those desiring to take passage thereon
should apply at once 10 the offices of the
ppmpnpV
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
An Acfnr,s Clnh-

Itis announced that Mr.. Edwin Booth,
the tragedian, has conceived and is about
carrying out long and generously cher
ished idea. 1t is that of establishing an
actors club. Mr.. Booth has already in
structed his agent to purchase q suitable
club house in Grammercy Park, New
York, which, after being fully prepared
for occupancy, is to be presented to the
selected representatives of the dramatic
profession. In addition the large and
valuable theatrical gallery Of portraits
many years, and which has cost very
large sum OF money, is to be added to his
piff
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
The New CapitoI ofTexas.

Texas Will dedicated its new State Capt.
tol at Austin, May 10. 1t is modelled
after the Capitol at Washington, Is a
dollars and the time used IN building II
has been about i've years. It is al! paid
for. How docs this sound to New York
ers? Beautiful building, erected in rive
years, cost S3,000,000 aud all paid for.
Verify Texas has a right to celebrate the
event IN great style.-lWatertown IN.
y Times
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
Mice as Rntter Tasters.

An English analyst recently received
twelve specimens of supposed pure but
ter, which he was to analyze to discover
which was pure and which was oleomar-
garine. After taking what he wanted he
set the twelve plates in his laboratory.
Next morping the butter had disappeared
from ten and on two it remained. These
two were adulterated and the others pure.
Suspecting mice. he set out other plates,
SOME containing pure and some adulter-
ated in various degrees. Again the pure
butter was cleared away, the slightly
adulterated half eaten and the much
adulterated only nibbled. New York
Gnn
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
RelinbIo Traln sorvice on II. s. O

The Day Express which leaves Pitts
burg, via b. and o. II. r., daily at a. m,
arrived at Washington and Baltimore on
time every day excepting two during the
month Of April. On one of these days the
train was Is minutes late and on the
other 10 minutes.
The Day Express which leaves BalH-
more, via B. and o. Il. h daily at 10
u. m. and Washington at 1855 a. m, ar
rived at Pittsburg during the month of
April on time erery ddN
The prompt and reliable train service
of the b, and o. in conjunction with its
improved roadway and the scenic attrac-
tions along its line are rapidly bringing IL
into pubic favor as the most desirable
route for travel between Pittsburg, Wash
ington and Baltimore.
An equally reliable and efficient night
service is also maintained between these
three cities, on which elegant Palace
Sleeping Cars are run.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
Ouiye a HumOrist.

John Half of Westbrook, Ga, christ
ened his first baby First Half, the next
Second Half, the third Other Half and
the fourth Best Half He has big sign
over his cabin door which reads: 1.-THE
whole family of John Half lives within.
A half family is better than none, but if
you want to see six halves in one hole
come inside and see what is left us. God
bless our home" John is more than half
IL hIIhnnr
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
A Test of Affection.

Mr.. Ellington, earnestly All, Miss
Laura, would that there were something
l might do, however difficult, to show the
ardent affection.
Miss Cooington - There is, but Pm
afraid you'll find it too hard.
only too happy.
Miss Cooingion-Well just stop talking
nonsense, please Puck.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
Broke the Windows.

An obsolete custom of the college was
known as the May training, 1t had its
origin in the passage of bill introduced
by Governor Dunlap, requiring that
every citizen able to bear arms should
be equipped and ready for inspection and
drill one day each year Neither students
nor faculty took kindly to the law, and,
when the day came round, in May, they
obtained two old cannon, repaired TO n
SPOT in front of Governor Dunlap's house
and "trained'' with such zeal that most
of the windows in the house were
broken.-[ Bowdoin Orient.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
An Extravagnnt Suggestion.

Deacon ito oyster dealer)-We are get
ting up church festival for Wednesday
night. What kind of oysters have you
got?
Oyster Dealer-Blue Points and Saddle
Rocks, sir.
Deacon-Well, hardly know which to
buy.
Oyster Dealer-Why not take one of
each, sir?-[Ne York Sun.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
The Distance Covered by a WALTZ.

Mr.. Edward Scott. in his "Dancing and
Dancers" makes the following estimate
Of the distance actually waltzed over in
an evening by belle of the ball-room
"Do you, my fair and fragile re der
think you would 90 six times round a
moderate.sized ballroom, say, making a
circuit of eighty yards during a waltz?
Yes, at least, even allowing for rest.
That, then, is $50 yards, if you went in
line. But you are turning nearly all the
time, say on an average once in each
yard of onward progress, and the circum-
ference of a circle is rather more than
three times its diameter, which will bring
each waltz to over three. quarters of
mile, or, at least, fourteen miles for the
eighteen waltzes. II From America.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
A Heroic Girl.

Miss Clara-Oh, Ethel had my ears
pierced to-day.
Miss Ethel-Weren't you dreadfully
frightened2
Miss Clara-A little at first, but kept
saying solitaire, "solitaire," Solitaire"
to myself and before | knew it it was all
over.-[N. Y. Sun.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
An Orphan AsyIum.

Bobby and Flossie were playing
clearinghouse" with Flossie in the
role of applicant.
"Have you parents p inquired Bobby,
with great stiffness of manner
Eyes, sir, two" replied Flossie, tim
idly.
children who have parents. IN Y. Sun.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
The Right House.

"Ofshur," said tired citizen early in
the morning, "Tm (hic) lookin' f'r
num'r three-ffty-one, an m blamed
thic) f can find IT,"
"No. $751; think, is five doors above,
sir-the house with a woman looking ont
of the $, ,cond.story window"
"Yesh die, that's housh. I'm. Y.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
The ONLY Amusement Left.

First bachelor-Where shall we go
this afternoon-to the matinee, the circus
or what2
Second bachelor-What sort of hats are
the ladies wearing now?
Taller than ever"
"Well, let's go to balloon ascension"
-IOmnha World.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
Excursion Tickets to Gettysburg
Decoration Day.

For the accommodation of menbers of
the G. A, X. and their friends, desiring to
visit Gettysburg, Pa, on Decoration Day,
the Pennsylvania Railroad announces the
sale of roundtrip excursion tickets from
Washington, May 20 and 30, good to re-
turn until May 81, inclusive, at rate of
S.. .45 and $500 respectiYelY.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
A Noble struggle.

Smith, was sorry to hear, Brown,
that you had failed in business.
Brownies, struggled hard, but l
lost everything, save my honor, thank
God, and the property was wise enough
to settle on my wife when | found my
self getting into trouble,-[Texas Sift-
inoq
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
Am Ready for a Fight.

II understand three European nations
rams near getting into a squabble this
morning.
"How was thatYl
"Brown said he saw an Italian organ
grinder paying the BOulanger march in
. lIont Of a German beer-salOon. "-[Judge.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
Twin Brothers.

Beggar; VIII you please give me
dime, cir? Pm deaf and dumb. Gen
tleman: Deaf and ddmb2 Beggar: !
mean Pm blind It's me twin brother
who IS deaf and dumb, sir. We look so
much alike that get mixed up myself,
sometimes. Troy Press
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
DIED.

ClSSEL.-On May %, 1885, at 1850 p. M,
Mary Catherine. beloved wife Of william II.
II. Cissel, and daughter of John and Cath
aIin, lliggles.
The funeral will take place from her late
residence. AL VI street northwest, on Mon
da, next, at 2 O'Clock p. m. Relatives and
friends al g invited to attend.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
Excursion 10 Indianapolis.

The Baltimore and OHIO Railroad will
sell excursion tickets to indianapolis,
May 20 to 30 id nGnsive good for return
SIG for the round trip.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
DUFFY'S FORMULA.

Composed principally of Raw Beef
and Duffy's Pure Malt Whiskey. Ii
win Cure the First Stages of Con-
sumption; Build up the Tissue; In
creases the Strength; Add Vitality
and Life; Give good Color to the Face;
Form Healthy Appetitei while as a
tonic and blood maker it has no rival.
If your druggist does not keep 1t, send one
dollar TO the Duffy Malt whskey Co., Roch-
ester, N. y, and they will send you bottle
by express charges prepaid,
TIE DUFFY MALT WHlSEEY co.,
Rochester, NJ. X.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
FINANCIAL AND COMMERCIAL,
Petroleum.

B.. Plain & Co., 81 Cloud Building,
furnish the following Oil quotations
Closed yesterday, S6s; opened to-day, 81;
highest, S7A; lowest, S5a; 10 m, 855.
New York stock Market.
The following have been furnished by
b. X. Plain q Co., Brokers, st. Cloud
Building, Ninth and i streets
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
PROPOSALS.

WI ASHINGTON, u. c., MAY 90. 1885,
w SEALED PROPOSALS will be received
at the Office of the Commissioners of the Dis
trict of Columbia until IL o'clock IN. of FRI
DAY, June 15, 1888, for furnishing the varl-
Gus branches of the District Government with
general supplies, comprising Stationery,
Blank Forms ard Printing, School Books,
Furniture, Hardware. Tinwaro, Plumbers
Material. Groceries, Boots and shoes Drugs,
Glass, Paints, VarnisheS, Lumber, Forage,
Meats, Castings, Fuel, Dry Goods. Ice and
Telephone Supplies. Blank forms of pro-
posals, together with all information, can be
obtained upon application at Room %, Dis
trict Building, First street northwest. be-
tween and Q streets The right Is reserved
TO reject any and all bids or parts of bids.
WILLIAM B. WEBB.
SAMUEL L. WHEATLEY,
CHAS. w. RAYMOND,
~
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
OF THE INTERIOR, WASH.

IL ington, May z, 1888. Sealed Proposals
for furnishing Fuel and Ice for the Depart
ment Of the Interior and its several bureaus
ana 0inSes IN Is cry ,ne Smtns9hian a 'h n,i IN
Service Commission during the fiscal year
ending June 30 1889, will he received until
12 O'Clock m. WEDNESDAY, June q, 1888.
Blank forms of proposals, schedules OF items
and estimated quantities, specifications and
instructions to bidders will be furnished on
application TO this Department.
WIN. #. Villas, Secretary.
The Washington critic., 1888-05-26
.EPARTMENT OF THE INTERIOR,

hEFAKTMENI Of THE INTEKIUK,
~ WASHINGTON, May IT, 1888.
SEALED PROPOSALS will be received at
this Department until 10 o'clock m, THURS
DAY, MAY 81, 1888. for repairing steam
boilers of the Freedmen's Hospital, In this
information obtained upon application to the
surgeon-in.chief OF the hospital.
VIM +. Villas, Secretary.