The intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1887-1891, 1888-05-19
SOUTHWESTERN PERSONALS
From the Arizona Kicker. |


ave notice that some humpback COW
ard has tackled up written placard on
the pOstoffice door asking why wa have
not been run out of town. Ii the man
who wrote it will reveal his identity,
aud if we can't put him two feet under
ground inside of five minutes we will
agree to cancel the insurance on our
office, set the shanty on fire and leave
town on foot"
'sTwo more subscribers have come in
since our last issue and paid up tor :.
year in advance. This swells our list 10
thirty seven bona fide subscribers, and
people who sneered at our claim that
we would have list OF 5000 within II
year are beginning to sing small. The
London Times had to have thirty seven
subscribers before it got 5000. We
shall next week put forth the claim OF
the largest circulation west of Omaha y
1.-The Jackassistics of Jackass Hill are
chuckling because it is reported around
town that the First National bank re =
fused to discount our note for S25. We
did 90 to the bank and ask To have a
note of that size discounted, and we
failed to get the money, but it was not
because our note was not considered
good. 1t was because the president OF
The bank, assisted by the gentlemanly
and able cashier, had lost every dollar
the bank possessed at faro table the
night before, and they are waiting for
an old sucker in Massachusetts to send
on some more tin. The First National
advertises capital of S75 900. Ii never
had above $4,000 in its vaults. 1t has
always been run in connection with
Switzer's dance house, and Its staff of
officers have been the best patrons OF
the gambling houses and the race track.
Jackass hill had better draw in its
horns or we'll give half dozen more
of the bon ton away to the sheriff"
"We had criticism on the governor
of Kansas in our last, and old peg leg
White, who keeps the one horse grocery
at the corner of Apache avenue and Red
Head alley, came in and ordered out
his advertisement in consequence. We
are glad of it. Old peg-leg has been
selling wormy herr!ngs, adulteraled
whiskey and skippery cheese to the
people of this town for first class goods.
and next week we shall open on him
We have heard that the old chokcr is Il
bigamist and horse thief, and we have
got man on his record
ga so-callcd poem on the death of the
Poverty Hollow Kid, who was run
over by mule last week, was showed
under the door last night with the ac-
companying statement that its publica-
tisn would enlarge our circulation.
That's all soft soap, and mighty poor
quality at that. From certain earmarks
we are satisfied that Arabella Devoe
Perkins wrote the alleged poem. II
her father ever saw Il copy OF the Kick
er it was in some one else's hands, ana
her mother is the lady referred to last
week IA dropping lead nickels into the
contribution box Arabella is average
enough, but knows more about mop
handles than poetry"
ave have received a two column let
Ter signed Veritas, which purports 10
give u true history OF Major Galvanus
Burt, proprietor and landlord of the
Adams house. Tie is shown up as a
thief, hypocrite, liar and coward, but
we shall not publish il While he
keeps the most miserable apology for
MOTEL on earth, and while we are salts
fled he would steal the wiukerS from a
dead dogs eyes, the major was the first
man i'll town TO subscribe Ia our paper,
and we are not going back on him
unless he refuses to renew"
alt has been remark ed that whenever
n stranger who looks like detective
appears in town about iour-iitths of our
leading citizens hunt their holes like
foxes. This matter has been carried
SO tar as TO seriously interrupt bust
ness. We wish strangers would keep
away"