Daily Republican., 1888-03-21
Mirth aud nIerriment.


Brown, who has married the eldest
Of seven girls, tried to quarrel with
his mother-in-law the other evening,
"Brown," said she, II am not goirq
to ruin my reputation by quarreling
with you. Wait till my other girls are
married. AT present, as mother In
law, l am only an amateur"
know that young lady at the piano,
Mr.. Bluntr' 'Yes. ! am slightly &C.
quainted with her" "Well, | wish
was" "Whyi" "I'd cultivate her
until l knew her well enough to tell
her she can't sing. Her voice reminds
me Of the cry Of a fish -hawker Can't
you introduce mep" "Witb pleasure.
1 am her father"
Lawyers have a ludicrous habit Of
Identifying themselves with their
clients by speaking in the plural num-
Der. ''Gentlemen of the jury. said a
luminary of the western circuit, lat
the moment the policeman says he saw
us in the tap, will prove that we
were locked up in the station house in
a state OF intoxication.
81 think" said the minister who
was visiting psrishioner, that It il
easier TO coax children than to drive
them. Gentle words are more etlec
tive than harsh ones. II think so,
too" said the lady. Then she raised
the window and shouted to her boy
Johnnie, If you don't come in out OF
that mud puddle / will break your
back"
First actor quilting the trigger of q
revolver six times). "Die, you misera
BILE villain" Second actor. "YouI
pistol has missed fire, Sir Rudolph,
but am smitten with remorse for my
crimes, and will die according to your
WISH" Then he rolled upon the
stage In agony, and pegged out
straight. Tht curtain fell amidst roari
OF laughter.
"Say, little sweetness" said Colonel
Jones TO the pretty servant girl, as he
put his arm around her waist and
kissed her, "lf l had only met you
twenty years agol" well, that
wouldn't have been so good" she re.
piled, as she got closer 10 the door
why wouldn't it, pet?" asked the
old codger. because was only six
months old them"
Tramp Recognizing a friend)-"Is
that yourself, Tooley? An what are
ye doin' in that hole2' Friend
'tDon't say wurred, its a foine job I
have; the felly that runs the summer
hotel below here pays me five dollars
a week to live here, an he calls me
The Hermit of Scrub Oak HILL The
borders come up here be the dozen to
LUX at me, an it's good cigars I'm
smokin' the whole day long,"
A German has invented safe that,
on lis lock being tempered with, throws
open It's doors, seiZes and drags and
locks In the burglar, and handouts
and holds him in readiness to be con-
Quoted to the police court in the morn.
ing. This ls almost equal to the ser
want girl patent bed which, at a GER
tain hour in the morning, pitches her
out, dresses her, carries her down
stairs, and shows her how to start
thel fire.
NiiS' Waht u hCW hdl. nus
band: "What's the matter with the
one you have?" Wife; ut is a per.
feet fright" Husband "Who bough
itf" Wife: 81 did" Husband
And you think 1t is a perfect fright
and selecting it yourself? 1t is cleai
that your taste is not TO be relied upon.
| will keep my eye open as am going
about the city, and select one for you
myself, and you shall have q good one
II 1t takes me year to find it,"
"And do you love me SO devotedly,
dear~ he said, "that You will give up
home and friends and all that makes
your young lie bright and happy, to
become my wife, and 20 with me to
the uttermost ends OF the world, il
necessary" Eyes, George" she
whispered softly; "when l am your
wife, your thoughts shall be my
thoughts, your hopes my hopes, your
religion my religion; and If you should
want me to go the uppermost ends OF
the world with you, | will 60 oh, SC
gladly, George-for l am so fond oil
travelling"