News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-10-04
THE JOKERS BUDGET.
WHAT THE HUMOROUS WRT-
TIERS HAVE TO TELL US.
a Pension Fiend-A Joker-At Mt
Descrt-Easy to Remember-Bangs
~ Love FIirt, Etc, Etc.
MADE THE BEST or IT.

dear, are the most intelligent member
of the brute creation.
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Well-informed man with great pres
ence of mind)-And one of their most
interesting habits, my dear, is to shake
themselves violently after they have been
in the water .-Plck.
\ VASE.
Mrs. Veueering lin brac-a-brao store
to daughter)-Thcre is an elegant vase,
Clara, and its marked $50 | think
will take it. Go clerk) is your
lowest price on this vase, Sir? Clerk
Sixty cents, madam. Daughter-Come
on, ma.-I'GraS &UtiHgs.
NORWOOD.
Miss Clara-I had a delightful call
from young Mr. Eligible last evening
Ethel He left quite early, as lie said
he had an important matter to attend
to.
Miss Ethel with slight cough
Yes, he stopped here about half past 8.
He is very ,leasant, bat 1 think he
stayed little later than he ought.
THE HORSE.
First Deacon-You've got that horse
yet, I see. Second Deacon - Why
shouldn't [ have him? First Deacon =
You are always selling or trading your
horses, you know. Second Deacon-
There isn't anything the matter with
this horse. .-IHc Cart2oa.
TIE CHURCH.
At Opelika q venerable .colorad. man
struck me for Quarter to help repair
our meetin' house from damage by de
cyclone" ''Where is the meeting
house," [ asked
''Right ober yere about mile
"You are the fifth person that has
asked for money for that church within
three hours. When was it damaged by
cyclonel"
"a spell ago."
81 rode by it yesterday and it appear
ed all right
eyes, sah, it ar all right now"
"Then what do you want of moro
money!"
"We ar expectin' anoder cyclone in
de fall, Sab, an it's gwiue to be a hust
ler, an blow de spire cl'ar off. Ize col
lectin' agin it, sab, so we kin make
quick repa rs.-Dctr0it Free Press.
DOG.
Nv dog was held for ransom. and Pat
was sent to rescue him. pat, said /,
"did you tell the man that if he did not
give up tho dog at once [ would have
him arrested?"
"Oi did that same, SOFT"
"What did you say to him p
''Oi touId him iist whot yez tould me
to tell him. Oi wint there where he had
the dorg, and OF sez to him, OF sez, Tho
boss sez, sez oil, 'av yez don't disgorge
that dorg, sez OF, 'he sez he'll have the
law on yez, sez he, that's what he sez,
sez OF"
"And did he disgorge the dog, Pat?"
''To wanst, sorr. "-Harper's Nagazine.
NEW MAP OUT.
Agent Ito Kansas City citizen) n)-Cau
I sell you map of the city, sir?
Citizen-NO; I bought one last week.
Agent This is fresh map, sir; just
out. Our enterprising fellow townsman,
Jim Bullard, has just added new COW
shed to his spacious premises.
DELICATE CHARITY.
AS delicate charity rs I remember
was the act of q gruff, taciturn old
in a Colorado mining town.
A poor, aged parson was carefully at
tended by the irritable doctor. When
the preacher had sufficiently recovered
to dispense with further medical atten-
ton he asked for his bill. "Your bilR
Here it is" said the doctor, opening his
pocketbook and handing the minister's
wife ten-dollar bill. chicago hDte,icu.
EUsY.
os7'oI !, CONT # Le Jraoond his wife
ont Of he'd by the hair he sad he couldn't
roalIv rnmoIhor os that was y very bnsv
-, o-l nrEinC, With HIM D(trojt Frrs pr~sa
n1oil'lnS WIFI liiii' In u ''' /. GO / '''>'
ONLY O:E AvAILABLE.
ur.,,on,7 lr.l,o hoo od,ortisod fo,. .
7y;'ll.. So o,t1 N"-," -I'' M al +a
type mIit4a 5ao ~ tS tho cav aia aU
G"g, 10y S''''i' III aus q - ''o
We iiiS Voc c,,;+o mum ho,.. brt thora
,ros " m nUI,- onS an0Iic,nt wIom 7 tod to
coiI onoin He SEEMS verv bright. and
TN eIITa Won viii like him
Husband What WNs the trouble with
the rest
Nlie-Ihey were all young women
SURPRISE.
ga, lo..,-
The Gentiemoniy Dry "oouS Nl'lN