South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1888-01-06
WIT AND IIJyMOR.

'Ab, good evening. Mrs. Brown.
Isyour card full?' No, Mr.. Smy the.
but my escort is. and IL you would
kindly take ne LONE would he 60
much obliged
A drunken man fell of the bluff
81 Kansas City. sixty.fve feet, and
the report says !. 'sobered him up.
When ST. Louis girls visit dryi
goods stores for bus,les they ask for
'dinilsrs.' The clerks all under.
stand and hasten to produce ,h e
pronincu, srsicle OF personal adorn.
ment.
A gentleman once asked the cele.
brated DR.. Abernethy II he thought
the mod.rate use OF snuff would In
jare the brain. NO. sir,' was Absr-
neihy's reply, for n maa with sin.
glc Oh lcs OF braia w,ald ever think
of taking snuff
A Boston man has o twin brother
living in the West who looks very
much like him. The Other morning
the Boston twin, after being shaved.
went home and found there his broth
er. who had just come east. The
western twin needed shaving badly,
and was directed to the barber.shop
He entered and seated him self but
the barber paid no attention 10 him.
What's the matter with your said
the western twin after. waiting long
enough. why don't you shave me?'
Why. I've just shaved you,' said the
barber. Much you did, said tho
twin. Look ut my face The bar
Der looked at the big black beard OF
weeks growth. felt OF 1t 10 assure
himself that his eyes were not De.
ceiving him, and then burst out: IF
you can raise o beard like that in
twenty minutes. you'd better 90 into
the mattress business
What will occur next9 Judge
Moore OF Brooklyn. sentenced .
young man to jail for ei;ht weeks
because lie kissed a young maid a.
gainst her will. Young man, beware.
Aencefoith and forever rosy lips all
be protected. The law says not a
word, or has no punishment, il the
maiden is willing, but punish mcnt
avail . thetransgressor, the. oscula.
tory thiof. who dare,.. encroach up.
on her lips. to sip the honey he i'm.
AGNES to be.tberc, Juslic, i. to he
resp ,ctod and II thsre is any falliD Q
Off IN kissing the young ladie, must
shower their wrath upon her head.
B'rs. b.l'u"c you're right, then
60 alp.
Rousu ON THn JUpsR.-I have
u't heard tho following good story
on Chief Justice Bleckly, says a wri-
ter in the.Augusta (Ga) Chronicle.
All who know Judge Blecilv an d
recall his long. waving hair ard beard,
will appreciate the story. Thc.Judge
was on his way 10 the Supreme
Court one morning when he was &C.
costed by little street gamin with
an exceedingly dirty face. with the
customary .'Shine, sir?' He was
quite imporlunate and the Judge be.
ing impressed with the oppressive
unit diness OF the boys face, snId
Il don want ,hiuc, butif yon will
90 and wash your face, III! give you
dime
All right, sir
Well let me see you do it,
The boy went over TO an artesian
hydrant and made his sbIu,ion. Re-
turning, lie hold up his hand for the
dime.
The Judge said: well. air, you've
earned your money; here. it is
The boy said: Il don't want Your
money .ssold fellow you.ta it and
have your hal: cut Saying which
he scampered off.
A MIsHTY COOP GIRI.-A proud
father. living in,Arkansas:applied by
letter for a position for his daughter
az. a teacher in a'publlc school, hnd
in his letter OF application he wrote,
with real parental pride. as follows |:
L have an idea that my Kit is the
very gal you're lookin' fer. Sh e's
the smartest gal in forty. States.
She's six feet tall aud. weighs 100
pou nds in her bare feet. She can
take her old shotgun, AMI hit THE
bullsoyo everyicrack at forty rode.
She turned over twenty-five acres OF
prary sod With avid OK team ber'
self last spring. and she can take tho
widest colt living and break it'll to