The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1888-09-08
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500
Handy things to haye-G Gloves.
y Guilt frames Prison windows.
Amatrimonial club The broomstick.
"A slow match-F Four years Of court
ship.
Is deaths door opened with a skele-
ton key /?
A man always feels put out when he
is taken in.
Where to go when out of money-Go
to work.
A man may be bad egg, but he's all
right till he's broke.
For parents. 1t is a wise child that
resembles its richest relative.
"A rich girl may be homely, but she
will never know it BY hearsay.
Always put eff until tomorrow that
which should not be done to-day.
Silence is golden, but it makes
woman feel very poor if she can't talk
Dandy ines-Two rows of young
men on dress parade at the church
door.
|. A tooth may be very pale and white,
but that's no sign it hasn't plenty of
nerve.
tits said of one fashionable young
man that he never paid ANYTHING but a
compliment.
''It's never too late to mend" Which
is why 50 many people postpone mend
ing indefinitely.
There are several large coin collectors
IN the United States. Jay Gould is
| probably the largest
Doctors who can speak only one IAN
guage seem to understand a great many
different tongues.
People who have seen two lovers say
good by never have any trouble after
wards in believing in eternity.
Brown: "Whst, moving again,
Jones ?" Jones, gloomily: Yes"
'sHad a fire in the house 20 mo; fire
out of the house,
The man who has one arm, and thai
left one, knows how essential it is
that he should get on the right side of
his best girl.
''How IS that butter l sent you p
asked Camden grocer of a transient
customer. 'sBetter, thanks; gains
strength every day.
Women do a great deal Of talking in
a lifetime, that's fact, but we have
observed that the men generally seem
to be willing to listen to what they say.
Little boy: ''Haye you got well
again 2" Visitor: "Why. l haven't
been sick" Haven't you? Why, I
heard pa say you were suffering from
sWelled head.'
Ore Of the most remarkable facts of
authropology is that the bigger head
man gets the less room he has in it for
anything exterior to his personal inter-
ests.
Near-sighted pedestrian (familiarly):
'Hello, Dick u discovers mistake
"Oh. oh! Excuse me, l thought you
were. another person I" 'Merciful
powers! Amt I?" ...-
Other things grow stale and old and
lose their early charms, but somehow
even to the most jaded man there is a
perennial freshness and attractive look
about a five dollar bill.
Most men are wise when they follow
the advice of their wives. Solomon
was the ;wisest among men, and why
shouldn't he be when he had 700 wives
to instruct him.
ibid you ever 80 to the circus, Jim?"
asked one small urchin of another
mot real circus" said Jim, reflect
lively; "but I've seen my mother water
the garden with the hose"
The Sunday school class was singing
II want to be an angelo "Why don't
you sing louder, Bobby2" asked the
teacher. "I'm singing as loud as I
want to be an angel" explained Bobby.
It is Astonishing how much scorn, in
dignation and contempt woman can
put into two words. If you do not be
ieve 1t, just listen while she speaks of
someone she dislikes as 't.That man!'
whats the most appropriate seat
for kicked man to sit on?" asked the
snake editor. Cant say,' replied the
horse editor. "a toedstool." ~
shouldn't think there'd be mushroom
there for him.
Not even fit for bathing. Country
man, at Cape May: II wouldn't go in
swimmin' in such burned water as
thot ,, gStranuar. uWhvnot2r Country