Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1888-06-08
UPON TIE BALCONY.

gazing at the house across the way,
and for once in his life lounged in a
perfectly natural position, with q re-
Taxed and human look on his face. It
would have been plain to the dullest
that for once in his life, any rate, the
professor had forgotten all about him
self. his stomach, his dyspepsia and
malarial tendencies, his theories on
bacteria, and, more than all, the i'm
pOrtant fact that precisely at 6:15 it
was his custom to partake Of a pint
Of new milk scalded and two slices Of
stale Graham bread toasted. The
professor was tall, lantern jawed,
slabsided and sedate. He lived by
theory; in fact, life itself was a theory
TO him; he had theory by which ne
fed mis- stomach, a theory by which he
pruned his mind and made it sprout
only on the north or scientific side, a
theory by which he raised his chill
dren, and innumerable theories
regarding diseases on which he
wrote books, taught in a
college, lectured in Boston and
killed people in an experimental way.
He only ate certain foods, and then
only at certain times. and in the ca
pacity of a guest would have been, 1
fear. thoroughly impossible. A per-
son who shifts at a salad and asks
suspiciously "is that oil in it?" who
holds your Hospitality offered cup of
tea of at arms length while he rudely
queries green or black?' who can t
or won Z ride backward, nor sit In a
room without an accurately measur-
ed amount of ventilation, is, I con-
tend, thoroughly impossible person
and not TO be thought of as a chum,
a guest or in any OF the more inti-
mate relations of life.
Professor MicrObe lived in a city tar
removed from this gay, seductive
southern town, and his duty was far
from here, but what with his theories,
his dyspepsia and his skim milk sys-
tenn OF starving his stomach, he had
pretty nearly experimental himself
of into the land from which no ex-
perimenter has yet returned, and had
been ordered of south for a complete
change Of scene, food, air and mode of
life
Said his doctor to him: For heav-
ems sake, man, quit your fOOling with
yourself shake yourself together and
live as God Almighty intended you
should. You are a monster nova
defOrmity. Eat plenty, drink plenty,
laugh, 90 to the opera. to the theatre,
dance, and, il Mrs. AIicrObe here will
let you. fall In love" eff that is
your theory, Of course, doctor" said
that sandy lady. Mrs. MicrObe really
was a lady who seemed o grit in the
teeth. The professor had married her
an pursuance of a theory, and the re-
suit OF that marriage had been two or
three surly, unruly, i'll hammered cubs,
who bid fair to grow to mans estate
heartily hating theories and theorists.
And so, to cut long story short,
the professor came south. leaving be-
hind him everything and everybody
which comprised life from his point Of
view. The savants welcomed him,
and made much of him, therefore he
liked the south. A man would think
1t fair summer at the south
pole if only there was some
one there to keep his vanity warm.
But the hotel did not suit him. as he
was constantly uncertain about the
newness Of his milk and the age of
his Graham bread, and so, by a
stroke from FOrtune-a merry dame
who marked him for a victim, and
intended to have some fun with him
he found lodgings IN q charming
old Spanish house IN the very heart
OF the French quarter. 1t was q
room quite too lovely for dissertation
by dusty old professor, however
distinguished, who lived on theories
and Oat meal mush and was fall of
bacteria. 1t was a front room in an
eI,tresOl over a furniture shop. with
aeched S ,anish windows blinking
out on a 1alcOny of wrought iron Of
most eNqI Isite beauty, In q corner
OF the ba.cOny stood one of those
grand old water Jars with peeling
sides of yellow, brown and salmon
and which might have held two or
three OF the ''IOrty thieves" but in
stead was full of earth, for a splendid
rose vine that Clambered all over the
railing and sent its tender. sweet per
fume stealing shyly into the room so
desecrated by microscopes and bot
ties of liver pills and bundles of medi-
Gated red flannel, and the Lord
knows what IN the way Of instru-
menUs for the detection and location
of bacteria.
There was a faded Administer car
pet on the floor, a carved bed in
which had slept king of France and
q prince OF Spain, an armOir large
enough for a tomb for some italian
benevolent association. a dressing
stand inlaid with mother of pearl,
cabinets, arm chairs, tete-a-tetes COW
cred In frayed brOcatelles that had
cost a fortune a yard. a pier glass
that one could not break with sledge
hammer, faded tapestries at the arch
ed doors. old marble vases in the
inches where once some demOiselle