News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-09-27

AhO oyster COln6Un IOftl with Sadness
An air of settled gloom hath he
The clam grows clamorous with gladness
And shouts aloud with ghoulish glee.
The oysters day of quiets over
His peaceful slumbers all are slept;
Ihe clam for eight months goes to clover,
= FOR Il has come with genial Sept.
NEGLECTING HER WORK.
Philadelphia Lady-How many time.
nave you washed down the front steps
to day, Bridget
Bridget (guiItily)-Only four times,
mum.
Philadelphia Lady (severeIy)-Brid-
get, am surprised! Go and wash them
down again, at once.-Ltfe.
CHILDREN AND FOOLS.
Mr.. Nicefellow (plavfully to Adored
Ones little sister)-Won't you let me
have bite of that apple?
/ Child-No.
- Adored -One-You must not answer
that way. 1t is not polite.
Chlld-But, sister, he's got such a aw-
tul big mouth there won't be any apple
Philadelphia Record.
HIS COMPLIMENT.
A Frenchman of this city having re-
ceiVed the photograph of lady, asked
friend what was customary under the
circumstances.
Compliment it," said the friend.
Iell her It's beauty is very rare
beg to make re acknowledgmong.
! madam" he said to her at their next
meeting. "Zee beauty of madame is
VAR scarce. ."--Binghamton Republican.
TOO BIG PILE.
Il say, Dumley," said Brown, "can
yon lend me $4O2"
=, Forty dollars!" exclaimed Dumley.
Win I a gasp; !" Why, my dear friend,
If l had $40 to lend, [ wouldn't be sober
enough to count it out."-Neso York
San.
First Citizen with the mercury
at ninety-fye)-Poor old Goormettl
just finished big dinner, then fell
over and was dead in twenty-four hoursl"
Second Citizen Shocking! Another
case OF Overcome by the eat. Pitts
daErgh Bulletin.
FRESH MILK.
DO you keep COW. Mrs. Hayseedl"
asked one of the late arrivals at the |
country boarding house.
mo, madam; but" Mrs. Havseed.
adds, hastily, ''we open a fresh can of |
condensed milk every morning.-Har-
per's BGzar.
WAS IN.
Caller-Does Miss De Guzzle live bere2
Bridget-Yis, sorr.
Caller-Is she at home?
Bridget (who has received her instruc.
tions and is following them)-Yis sorr
she's at home, but she amt in.-dg5any
Journal.
THEY WE'RE LEFT ALSO.
"Poorr, john" said Mrs. Spriggins,
'hes lost nearly everything. But
George says he's got lots of creditors
eft, and that's some comfort. r'Taint as
f he didn't have absolutely nothing
eft,-fluyPeT's BazG7'.
At coNET ISLAND.
At is astonishing.
!.Thnt H " h.S there r should should be so mnch
7ater,
Eyes, and Just think, you only see the
yater that is floating on top.-1erGS iS!tt-
ngs.
RIPENING.
Manitoba is ready to come in. The
est OF Canada will soon follow.-CEn-
innati Enquirer.
NO NEED TO WORRY.
Philadelphia Dame (at tabie)-My
gracious You are spilllng that gravy
IN the carpet.
New Waitress (cherrfully)--There's
plenty more in the kitchen, num-
Record.
NO USE FOR A WARRANT.
J. Boyoe, who is employed on the
water works is badly bunged up. man
;o-day. Fosters reporter interviewed
lim and his story is as follows:
81 was sitting on the edge OF my dltcn
when a man came up with brick ana
struck me twice. My jaw is broken IN
TWO places and my eyes are blackened IN
IS you can see, and my lips oadly
swelled and cut"
"What did he hit you for, said the re-
porter.
ST don't know" ,,,,
"Why did you not get ont warrants
was the next question.
"Well, ''said he hesitatingly, ''because
I'll tackle him later. ''-Dooer Democrat.
MORE THAN ANNOYED.
First Guest (summer hotel-What,s
the matter, BROWNE You look annoyed
Second Guest-Annoyed I'm mad;
I'm going back to town to-day, ana l.;
gave the head waiter q two-dollar Dill,
leaving me just enough money to ges
home on and get q shave.
First Guest-Didn't you know you
were so short?
Second Guest-Certainly but | have
just heard that the Internal waiter Is
worth sixty thousand dollars Sun.