The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-12-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

There's many slip 'twixt the cup and
the lip, which may account for the ex-
treme popularity of the straw.--Puck.
The sidewalks in Salt Lake City are
twenty feet wide, so tlrat a Mormon
can go walking with his wife at his
side.-Puck.
SOld lady Tin shoe store)-Have you
felt slippers? Small boy clerk
(solemnly) Yes, ma'am, many time.
--zerre Houte E1press.
0ld-timer-Saw you with your lady
last evening. Young sprout-Ye es; my
cousin, you know. Old-timer-O,
certainly, know; she was mine once.
-7oUn Topics.
Husband Ito wife with pet dog)-
You should have married Fido instead
of me. Wife (regretfully)-But poor
Fido hadn'tauy money, don't you know.
Washif,gto,s Post.
Mistress-Bridget, wish you
wouldn' go out this afternoon; am
not feeling well. Bridget-Faith, but
that's quare raysoni I'm well enough
meself, amt I?-Lite.
Shook (yeliow bearded) II say, old
fellow, I'm going to have my beard
dyed to match my new brown suit.
Jook-Dye it green. why don't you, to
match your headp-Ihe idea.
Elsie-..Bob, / wish you would tell
me how a handkerchief Irritation is
worked" Bob-"Easy and simple
enough, sister-with two fools and two
handkerehiefs. n-7own Topics.
Judge-Prisoner. the evidence shows
that you brutally assaulted the plain
tiff Have you anything to offer in
extenuationp Prisoner-No, sir; my
lawyer took all the money I had
Time
It is said that counterfeit American
bills are circulating in Canada. We
didn't know about the Bill. but the
American Dicks, Toms, and Harrys
circulating there are not counterfeit
Washington Post.
There are two kinds of successful
actresses nowadays-thosew who depend
simply on their costumes to win them
fame and shekels, and those who de-
pend simply on the lack of them
Sonervilie Journal.
The Empress of Japan has certain
days of the week upon which Japanese
is forbidden language. But they are
speak her mind freely to the old man.
Washington Post.
Burton Papcrwate must be getting
up in the world. Did You notice how
politely his tailor bowed to- himr Bo.-
1on-Humph! The poor fellow knows
he's gtit to he civil, If he ever expects
to collect a ccnt.-LiJe.
Sharp -"What is the strongest day
of the week, Ketchum?" Ketchum
(who is not on the eve of bankruptcy
Friday, / suppose. Sharp-s.No
Sunday; all the others are week days
See?'-Detro@ Free Press.
George-You look glum. Is your
1ady-love fickle?" Augustus-E-o; but
her fatheris unkind. / called last night
aud be showed me- 'Ehp He
showed you the door?" ssNo; her
millinery bills. Philadelphia Record.
Mr.. Bump has been calling for near
~ two hours. They are talking music
languidly. The young lady (suddenly
Frightening up) 20, l like French
opera; it has such II go to it! l like
anything that has go!' He goes
Life.
Old Jenkins happened to meet his
three nieces. and asked them to have a
little refreshmcnt. Girls are lust the |
same," said the old man as he stood al
the cashiers desk and picked up 81. S5
out OF a $50 bill, ''little change.
Life.
Gimme some American champagne.
NY tastes are domestic every time"
said Arrowsmith. II noticed that,
retorted MIR. Bumlinger. sWhen you
were at my house you spent your time |
flirting with the dOmestics. "-NeW York |
Sun. .
Clothier-s'Yes. we want q fewl
women to sew in the pants department.
Have you ever had any experience in
basting pants:e' Applicant-~Well.
should remark. i taught in a primary
school for four years. ."-Ierre Rastte
EEpress.
Mistress-Well, can give you
as to honesty. but /
cant speak of you as II good worker.
Girl (about departing Oi
doan' want you T. spake of me as
good worker. Tt isn't work Oi'm after
at all. It's noice, respectable phlace.
Time.
Tenderfoot-Are there manv ad-
mirers of music in your town? Dakota
cifizen-Pardner, we not only admire
music here, but we respect it. There
have been five organ grinders lynched
in our city since last spring. -Terre
Haute Express.
Bobby's father complains at dinner
Of feeling tiredand worn out. Nov,
pa. suggested Bobby, II don't feel like
myself; spose you give up going
back to business this afternoon and
lake me to a matinee. and that'u rest |
US both. Epoch.
''Tm sorry you are 50 busy now, "said
Bjones, "because wanted to take you
to see my latest charmer. But another
time will do, so just tell me when you
will be your own master" Newer"
sighed Cobbwigger. I'm married
w."-NeW York San.
Mrs. Blinks-'J John, believe YOU
have forgotten te water the horse to-
lay. Remember, John, merciful man
s merciful to his beast" Mr.. Blfnks
erepentant)-'You are right. l did
forget it. Garry bucket out to him,
won't you, my dear?' Philadelphia
Record
Darling he said, syour eyes are
rs bright as diamonds, your teeth are
rs white as pearls, your lips as red as
rubies. and-and--a' "Yes, George"
'he replied sweetly, ''and you are as
green as an emerald" Then George .
vent out into the jet black night
feDeIers Weekly.
Mrs. Hendricks-I read an account
n the morning paper of such sad oc-
.urence. An eagle snatched baby
rom its nurses arms and caYt;od ~ af /
dr. Oldboy Cwho is not fond of babies)
1T might have been sadder What il
he eagle had failed to get away with
he baby-Epoch.
"Amanthy.", said the old lady from
he head of the stairs" what does that
'oung feller mean by stayin' so late?''
Excuse mepne moment Mr.. Herring"
aid Amanthy, and she closed the par
or door softly and whispered hoarsely
lp the stairs: Il think he means busi-
less, ma; you go to bed. ."-Epoch
With a rashness which he never
liwod NATL kno lok Il. L: