Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-11-01
AN ENGLISH HOTEL
How Londun Caravansafies Arc Bun I
tho Aner1can Plan.

III YOU nave never SJOpp0u 81 du Esug'
lish hotel conducted on the American
plan, YOU should do 50 at the FIRST op-
portunity. because you will enjoy it inn
mensely. They have American PEN
sions pronounced pon-say-ongs) in
Paris, Berlin and Vienna, which lure
many of my countrymen and women to
destruction, and of which hope to be
able to tell you something later, but
with all their faults l think they have
some claims upon our consideration as
tourists which lay over the English
hotel conducted on the American plan.
You are driven up to this hotel in a
carriage, and you expect to alight at
the ladies' entrance, as you would un-
der similar circumstances at the Palmer
or Grand Pacific. But you don't do any
thing of the kind.
The driver descends, and, approach
ing large iron gate, pulls bell-knob,
which pull is responded to by the ham,
mer of a gong such as pilots signal to
the engineer with on American steam
boats. The driver then resumes his
seat.
In the course of the morning, or az
ternOOn, or night. as the case may be,
the gate is opened, and the warty-faced
man with a stub nose approaches the
carriage. He is in no hurry whatever.
''Do you wish to hingage apart
ments?"
1--WE do"
Gave you brought your baggage!"
I've ave not"
''Ware is it?'
'At the Euston station"
LAS hit been hexamined?"
I'VE presume So"
"'Ave We the checks?'
I'VE ave"
The warty face man grunts, passes
through the gateway, locks the gate af-
ter him. and returns in the course of an
hour. This time he swings the gate
wide open and invites the driver to
come in. We are now in the open
court yard. We alight We enter an
office that looks like railroad baggage
room. The lift" isn't running, but it
will be in few minutes. We wait
half an hour. We climb the stairs. We
are taken to handsome suite of rooms.
We are tired and cross
Enter another white aproned man.
Would like our names. Gets them. Bows
and retires. Enter another white-apron-
ed man with an nose like lobster claw.
Hands US bill of fare We order break
fast.
when can we have it?"
''Himmejiately."
''All right"
What. sir?''
Il say, all right"
YES. sir, twill be all right, SIR"
1t comes in the course of the day. We
hint to the waiter that we understood
that this hotel was conducted on the
American plan.
$50 it is, he replies. and he says it
so firmly and conclusively that it would
be useless TO contradict him.
We rest, take a nap. read the papers
and kill time as best we can until the
afternoon is well advanced. We ring
for waiter. Waiter comes. This time
his nose has the color of blue-bottle
fly.
How about dinner?'
''Tabledote Or served?"
'.Tabledcte, of course"
''Tabledote over. sir.
s.Why were we not calledy"
''Got no orders, sir"
well, then, let us have it served"
We learn later that guests are not
invited to table d hote unless they leave
orders to that effect and it is served
only for one hour. Our dinner must
be cooked completely and the day is al
most spent before it arrives.
Papa" suggested Ned, .'let us go
out and find an American hotel that is
conducted on the English plan.
This seemed absurd at first, but it is
just exactly what l proceeded to do
after dinner. don't find an American
hotel exactly. but l find one that isn't
conducted upon any particular plan.
and We will have our belongings moved
over there in the neutrality-suspicious.
Letter tn Chicago Times.
Too Good for This World.