The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1888-02-29
BURDETTE'S HUM0R
Sparks Il Wit Hammered From tbs Aavll
o. Funny Nan.
n Painful Faet-The HIastsr-A Rem enIs-
ce1cs Of Lisa LawI-ss Life
Letter Hriting-A Chance
For sne Poor Man,
Written for The SentiDel.
= lC0pyrighted, 1851
A PAINFUL FACT.

lCOpyrighted, 1851
PAINFUL FACT.
How seldom does anything happen that
rarely occurs. Since the happy days of
boylpod, when felt il duty of the hour
TO have every thing that anybody else had, 1
had, during varying space of period, and
scattered over closely remote districts of
my mortal frame, colonies of Jobs CON-
forters, said by old and wise people to be
worth five dollars apiece, have been free
from such prosperity. And now that 1t
has suddenly come upon me again, know
not how to abound. One who has walked
aomany years in she vale of poverty finds
1t hard to stand prosperity. The naked
fact Ii, gentle reader, have distressing
looking carbuncle on the third vein OF my
neck.
Sirtnge that little revolt, no larger than
abase ball. should shake to its very foun-
datio1s an otherwiss healthy system,
weSshing 40 pounds, and yet it is SO. 1t
has its foot upon my neck. II is not ex-
actly a coDstituent part OF me, 1t is al
necksed, as is were, But am not certain
whether il be It OF that is annexed.
lam the biggest, 1t Is true: but do not
appear to have any influence IN the adj
ministration. / have a voice in affairs; q
great deal of voice, / am told, by people
who want to sleep, bat my appeals and
gfoans do not affect the returns. the
Government goes right on. 1t Is 8 groa1,
itself CROWN faster than my weak patisncs
can compass. It is, indeed, 8 pain invest
ment.
1t must be amusing to those who see me,
the varied and cautious experiments OF
fellow with a tortured and disabled neck
to find an easy position. l am, indeed,
amazed TO fild into how many attitudes
the human form divine can De distorted.
Some of them are not graceful, and some
of them are not striking, but under present
circumstances all are equally comfortable,
with the exception OF perhaps three or
-four Others which are more so.
am little apt to grow impatient,
fean while thus exercising my daily inge-
nuity.
"Rsmember Job" says lady friend
kofIIy. IL q tone of comforter.
Nut ask her how can / remember man
whom never kneW2 Is it possible for q
fellow to Tememb Der q stranger who died
before be, the fellow, was born But do
think of him, and contemplate his patient
and venerable ngure with reverence. /
with ne had had my csrbuncle. Not that
teel harshly toward him, but when he
hal so many he wouldn't have noticed one
Elors. And one csrbuuele is like one
child. No man who has il makes more
= fuss about il than the one with
a dozen. Just see. have one,
and 10 save my dstrac ed mind,
cant help writing about it. Job had a
hundred, / reckon, and never a word did
he ssy about one of them. He Just sat
down and scratched himself with one
hard, and wrote grsnder poetry than
Shakespeare with the other. That is the
Inference between Job and myself There
ara some other points Of difference, bat
this che Will do for the present. I know
That this Isn't pleasant subject 10 thrust
Hpon the public attention. bat then it is
quite as unpleasant on private neck. II
may make 2:etasisful reading. bat it has
been far more disagreeable aad painful
writing.
/ never heard List but once. 1 was a
young man then, younger than am now,
bat can never forget, aud no one whose
soul has not bowed in humble worship al
Die Feet of the ID Master can ever know
ne Complete Conservation 1 made OF my.
ysf while I listened to Him. He wore
That Weary and Naughty expression which
was hsbitual 10 Him, and as rs crossed the
room to the piano, He received our Hum ole
Iiomege with Majestic yet Awful CON
ceDsct nslon. The very Atmosphere of the
lpom was Imbued with the M Masters
Presence As He took off His coat and
1olIed up His Sleeves, / held my breath
with both hands. He played. The N
1dsster played. Under the Magic Touch
Df His Hands the heavens Bent TO Listen
.-the bcsrse chords muttersd like the Re-
treating Storm. or the electrified keys sang
al the tHittering songs of all the Birds OF
Spring at once-the Sun burst through
The Riven Clouds-the Moonlight Slept
I1pcr the Banks of Violets, and singing
Brooks ran Murmuring to the Sea-grim
vissged War changed on the Brazen Shield
with mimic Thunder of the Skies, and all
the Clamor of the raging Battle shook the
ground beneath our feet-the room swan
with the brilliant perfection of every Mar.
vellous Conceit that sprsng into living
being under. This marvellous Execution,
and when He raised Both Feet higher than
His Head and brought them down upon
the keyboard in the Final Grand Hoopla,
i knew no more. for had Swooned at the
~ M Masters Feet | never heard 81 II
Him again.
LAwLEss LIFE.
Sometimes, when 1 think what a Iavless
life mine has been, l wonder that the re-
! spectacle outlaws with whom / am most
4 intimately associated in social, religious
Nand political circles have not elected me
chief of the band. think nothing of de.
flying those in authority; / sass" the
1NoeAoeulJ eCOu hL congress, DQlly the
Legislature, and transgress the laws of the
land daily. / drive across the bridge
1fsster than q walk" and openly sneel
ut the iyedollsr fine with which the sign
board threatens me. / have walked
s'on the grass in Paramount PARK: in
Central Park have ''plucksd a leaf, flow
er, or shrub" have stood on the from
platform" for many miles; / bay:
talked to the man at the wheel >
j have got on and of ths
cars while in notion 1 have smoked
abaft this shaft" have refused to 'keeE
moving" on Brooklyn Bridge; L have neg
lected to clear the snow from my sidewalk
j have dumped ashes into the alley at early
dawn; / do not muzzls nv dog, and las
year he was not registered; I do not Away
turn TO the righp when ] am driving;
90 not always procure tickets before en-
terri the cars'-why, 1 can't begin to tel
ons haf my lawless acts. Bat one virtue
eve1, though II may be considered q mega
live one, insert here as saving clause,
have never overstated the value Of my prop
erty 70 the assessor.
THE ART OF LETTER-wRITIEG.
u II letter-writing be entertaining, b
amusfug, be brief, and, II you can, be funny
A funny letter is always welcome. Blu
a l.