The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-05-17
WIT AND HUMOR.

burg Ctronicle.
Now is the time to put your lawn in
Order-and to form a lawn order
league, as it were.-L Lincoln Journal.
Betting on a mans death is called
life insurance. Money is paid over to
the friends of the winner.-Nesc Or
leans PicGyss,se.
The people of this country are not
in need of any new language. Many
of them cannot speak the one they
have-Richnaoed State.
New Jersey is about to try the ex-
pertinent of high license. 1t should
be as high as lightning rods to cover
Jersey liquor. = Ner0 Orleans Pica-
yune.
Bob Ingersoll is so irreverent that,
if he should see Death coming on
pale horse, he would look around right
away for the red-headed girl.
nal of Education.
Kentucky teacher (of infant geo.
graphy yclass)-Tommy Blood may tell
us what strait is. Tommy Blood
It's Jest the plain stuff 'thout no1hin' in
it.--Neso York Sun.
"A Boston woman who used to spend
$75 per year for kid gloves now gets
along with three pairs. Reason: Her
husband bought her diamond ring
Detroit Free Press.
''Brown has threatened to kick me
if he meets me out in society. Suppose
you were me, and should see him come
into the room, what would you doP'
'sSit down. Judge.
Boston says Sullivan was over
trained. This is like John Randolph's
description of some Virginia land:
Poor by nature. and ruined by culti-
vation. ."-BGltimore american.
A prehistoric dam has been discov-
cred in Oregon. 1t is supposed to
have been uttered by Hannibal Ham
lin the first time he went out with no
overeoat.-SGn francisco Aitd.
The name of the new Japanese Min
lister to hington-Munemistu Nut
su-will seem strange to correspond
ents for awhile, but they will soon get
used to Baltimore american.
Women are by nature more or less
limited in their sphere of usefulness.
There is probably not one now living
who could become silent partner in
any concern.-Dututh Paragrapher.
Look at her waist! I notice that
the ladies generally are wearing high
neeked dresses this year. ''Yes, said
the old fox-hunter; '.they seem to have
been driven to cover ut last. Life.
The party which expects to win sue
cess by evasion of public questions is
as far ..off' as the cook who tries to
make buckwheat cakes out of the bat
ter of baseball club.-SGn francisco
Alta.
Just keep track of them this sum-
mer and you will find that nine-tenths
of the people drowned were good
swimmers. The chap who can't pad
die stays on dry and.-Detroit Free
Press.
Matthew Arnold objects to Ameri-
can nomenclature, and .'Griggsyille, !"
1.Briggsviile,' and the like, set his
teeth ON edge. Pleasant mornings
Mr.. Arnold is often seen on '.Rotten
Row. ."-Epoch.
.sSay. Jim, it seems ter me that
those Chinese are always at work.
.sAh, they're barbarians an don't know
no better. Let's go to the saloon an
see If we can't strike some un fer a
drinkw-LJe.
The English call an elevator .'lift, /"
and the French call it a .thelp," while
the Scotch put in their oar by refer
ring to it as a''drop." It's all the same
thing, however-always out of order.
-Detroit Free Press.
De Smith-Say, Travis, I've seen
you out with at least six different
girls within the last two weeks. Travis
Hang it, man, you have sharp eyes:
n ant vzifI, nna AOf than
Burlington Free Press.
Douglas Jerrold was once asked by
an intolerable bore, who affected to be
q poet of the Milton school, whether
he had read his descent into He'll. T"
should like to see it. philadelphia
Call.
A Baltimore man recently died
from the effect of eating several cakes
of yeast. He probably thought they
would make him rise in the world, and i.
being such doughhead, it is strange
that they did not.-Bingltanaton Re
publican.
The new Democratic paper in Chi
cago is to be called the Globe. This
will do, but it would have sounded
better to call it the Edrth. There isn't
man in Chicago who wouldn't take
the earth if he got chance.-Peoria
Transcript.
Customer-Are these neckties stronga
Shopman = Strong? Why, sir. last
week sold one to gentleman as was
a ankering after suicide, and e liked
it so much that e used it to 'ang 'isself
and it bore his weight beautiful. LION
don Globe
Art-dealer-I can't see why you
should object to that picture of spring,
Mr. Comstock. The figure certainly
is draped. Comstock-Yes; but it's a
glaring untruth. Where are her UNI
brella and overshoee-to say nothing
OF chest-protectorP- fudge.
They have way out in Kansas of
bringing to time unruly members of
the Legislature. Mr. Funstan, menu
Der of the Committee on Agriculture.
was late at a committee meeting, and
the Chairman fined him six cans of
corn.-ComnaerciaI Adcertiser.
A square minister: After one or two
gentle efforts on the part of the col
lector to awaken Deacon Jones, the
minister said from the pulpit: Never
mind, Brother Layman, as Deacon
OOaCc AAdo AOC nCdId bnC ScEulOlI, per-
haps it would not be right to expect
him to pay anything for it. ."-Epoch.
Teacher-"Fm afraid, Miss Hopper,
that you will find difficulty in passing
your final examination if you are ab-
sent from school so much. Is there
any good reason for itP" Senior girl
20 yes, indeed. I'm having my
graduation dress fitted. ."-Nel0 HaUeia
Nea0S.
Mrs. Mould (to husband, the under
taker)-Have you heard how old Mrs.
Bentley is? Mr.. Mould / met DR.
Squirt to-day, and he says she's get
ting better. Mrs. Mould-I am glad
to hear it. | am told that old Mr..
Bentley never pays a debt if he can
help it.-Epoch.
Gentleman-What are you doing
now, Samp SAM amt doin' muffin,
sab; frowed up my job las week. l
had trouble wifi de boss. an jess tole
him he cuddent fool dis culled gemmen