The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-03-09
RULES ron CARVING.
How TO Master the fsiHieuities of tii
Family DIassetinK Table.

HOW TO Master the ninieuitfes of ths
Family DiassetinK Table.
Many man has risen frnn obscurlty
and blue ovrralls aud climbed. rung by
rung. the ladder of fame only 10 tottei
and fall while about to grasp the last
riing because he had never learned lc
/ cnrve.
man may be able 10 solve some
abstruse problem in algebraIc insan-
F! ily; he niay ku able 10 sit for his pho.
tugraph and look natural; he may
have risen so high as TO occupy con-
tested seat In iAe S ate Legislature.
and with his feet across The aisle I'm
agine that he owns the s. ate Of New
York. including Rhode Island; or per-
chance he may b, cjme the lucky pat.
entce of "A gas meier. that wi II almost
humaa intelligence forgets o register;
/ yet he can not be considered more
/ than n one-horse success Ia life TIL he
has mastered the d flcuI,ies Of the dis
secting table ns II lies spread out be-
fore him on festal day.
II Is our purpose TO here present in
"A brief. concise form few rules TO be
obsei wed in carving which suggested
themselves 10 us from time to time be-
fore we broke up housekeeping.
Rule /. Call tile attention Of your
guests 10 the age Of the chicken. Ac-
count for It's thin emaciaied appear
ance by stating that IL was raised in
the spring. and didn't have time TO
attain the robust development Of the
adult hen. or m other words, that its
youngness accounts for its thInness
After hnving calmed your guests and
satisfied them that you have acted in
good fai h. proceed 10 observe
II lie 2. Ak you guests whom they
think Il the smartest pulpit orator In
town. and M TIE di,cussion becomes
animated and every body gets ex-
cited. seize the chicken by the hind
leg aud draw the carving knife dag
onRlly aeruss the thorax. 10 the dia-
phrngm Then ask the cook 10 bring
la the grind-stone. Grind the knife
rapidly but q iietly under the table.
aud In an unsuspccting moment grasp
the chicken by the collar. twist tho
rlnvicie 10 one side. hummlng softly:
White Wings. they Mover Grow
Weary" and cut laterally across the
p'dermis. in wild but vain endeavor
reach the connective tissue immedi-
ately underneath; then call for anoth-
er knife.
X lie 8 Ask the guests II they have
amy idea who will be elected President
In 1883. and when no one is looking
your way strike the chicken a heavy
blow just below the belt with the back of
the haichet which you will have con-
csaled under your vest. then counter.
and wrestler catch-as-catch- aud
II possible. while no one Is looking. in
r,aluce the hatchet once more.
Il lie L II the chicken be "A spring
chicken IL will no d"ubt spring from
the platter and fiy across the home
plate To the sh9rt-stop at the other
md of the table. As be mops the
gravy from his whiskers with the cor
or Of his ttble-clo.h you will shout
+ wi ballr' This little jpke will
lmuse iha guests aud causs the short
stop to forget about his whisker+
Rule 5. After the chicken has been
'arried out aud laid quietly away in
the alley. instruct the cook tn bring in
omething TO eat. meanwhile apolo-
sizing to the guests for what may
rave seemed like unnecess .ry formal
ltv II Drfn