Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-06-27

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A-dam.-Star
Black and blue-a detected darky.
Detroit Free Press.
Raw hoisters-fresh elevator boys.
-Eclipsed Exchange.
1t is when the boot is new that
there is music in the ARK.
1t is easy for the postage stamp to
get stuck on anything,-Judge.
If thirty-two is the freezing point,
what is the squeezing point?-Puck
A railroad man is no more liable
than any other man to have "a carbun-
cle.-New Orleans Picayune.
Time flies and stays for no man.
The only fellow who can beat it is the
Observation-Disclosures Traveller.
Mechanics say that edged tools get
"tired." The same may be said of a
wagon wheel.-Norristown Herald.
In leap year it is nothing strange
to read of female lawyers going
courting.-Rochester Post-Express.
|
Captain, when we cross the 18TH
mus to the Pacific, do we have to wait
long at Colon for the steamer ~
Certainly not; | thought every
body knew that Colon was not full
stop."-Ocean.
And so your father has gone to a
missionary station
Yes; we are quite alone now.
Don't you miss the directing hand
of your household p?
Oh, mother didn't go .-Tid-Bits.
Doctor tell you, sir, the future
man will be bald-headed no doubt
of it, sir
Architect-Well, then, the future
architect will have to make the future
theater all front row.-Town Topics.
hear that the purser is quite sick
this morning?
Sorry to hear that Followed the
usual nautical course, presume
What is that?
Gone to the doc. for repairs.-Ex.
Mr.. Hanover Squeer--I see our
friend Morris Parke, poor fellow, is
obliged to get along with second
hand typewriter.
Mr.. Bleecker Street--Indeed
What kind q?
Widow.-Puck.
Mrs. Al can always find out
right away when ! have servant
girl who is in love.
Mrs. B.-How do you find out
When she is asleep ] go into her
room and tickle her mouth with
hair brush. If she Fuckers up her
mouth that is sure sign she is in
love, and mistakes the hair brush for
the mustache Of her lover.-Texas
Siftings.
"Here is a clever little article that
] am sure will meet with the approba-
ton of your readers" he said as he
tiptoed into the editorial room.
"Tm afraid" replied the editor, as
he looked it over, that it will not
meet with the appreciation Of my
readers"
"No? Why not 7"
Because it will never have the
chance. ."-Ex.
Officer of the day (to raw recruit
on post)-What would you do, sir, if
steamboat were TO come across the
parade ground at night I
Raw Recruit (excitedlv)-I--I-I'd
o ID. Observation-Disclosures me,
sir What would you do
K. r. (innocenily)-I'd bring the
steamboat to halt and advance the
chambermaid.-Judge.
Peter the Hermit meeting Lord
Bateman)-Bate, old boy, you always
look happy, and yet you're a married
man. How the deuce do you work III
Lord B.-Well, I'll tell you, old
man. Pve got the best wife in the
world, and my mother-in-law is an
angel.
Your mother-in-law an angel Say,
where is she? ] want to get look
at her.
Can't do it now, old boy. You've
got TO wait till you go to Heaven.
She's there.-Ex.
How nice it will be when you are
able to sail through the blue heavens
and call upon people in the other
planets. Where did you 90 for your
honeymoon ?" I'VE went as far as
Neptune. We stopped couple of
days at Venus. The hotels were so
bad we pushed on" "How was the
weather." I'VE passed thunder
storm about million miles up, COM
inc this way. They told us IL would