The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1888-09-06
WIT AND HUMOR.

Washington Critic.
The traveller returning from abroad
is always haunted by the customs in.
spectre. -Harper'S BazGr.
The Thomas Band is to disband, but
the Thomas cat on the back fence we
still have with us.-Detr0u Free Press.
But, my lord, she is so homely and
fat" 1T is her pounds, me boy, that
have attracted me; SO say no more. y
Harper's Baaar.
Yes" she said, ''the waves in q
storm remind me of our hired girls at
home" Hired girls, MADAME" Yes
they are such awful breakers. = Ocean.
I'm a float! I'm a float" sang
Mr.. Dudekins. You are certainly
light enough for one,n reported Miss
Barkins, soto voce.-HaIper's Bazdr.
"BromIey's not a bad singer. But
what is the reason he generally selects
Shells of Ocean'?n Because he used
to be in the clam business, possibly
Time.
Mrs Thomaso-Ethel, it is not at all
becoming to you to be continually gaz-
ing out Of the window. Miss Thomaso
No, mamma;b but it's becoming to the
house.-Iinte.
Hopeful YOUTHS Miss De Cash in?
Servant-Yis, sor. Hopeful youth
Is she engaged? Seryant-Yis, sor;
but he isn't here this avenin'. Come in.
The Cartoon.
Visitor (while waiting for hostess)--
And is your mamma still in mourning
for your poor papa, FlossieP Flossie--
Yes, ma am; she is when she goes out
anywhere.-Ep0ch.
Wendell Phillips once gave the adj
vice. Never call man liar" We
never do. 1t is much more polite and
just as true to call him a gas meter
Shoe and Leather Reporter.
Physician Completing examination)
My diagnosis causes me great unea-
siness, sir. 1t is extremely Selfish
patient Gnterrupting)-O, confound
your diagnosis! How is my liyer?-
Time.
Says a novelist of today, describing
an interview between lovers: BE
tween them there passed an ecstatic
kiss" And neither of them got it!
Aw, what muffs they must have been.
-Burdette.
First lady-Have you any hired help
now? Second lady-Well, half and
half, say. First LADY, don't under
stand, quite. Second lady-Why, you
see, is hired but it is no help - WASH
tngt0n Critic
Teacher-"Try to remember this:
Milton the poet was blind. Do you
think you can remember it?n Yes,
ma'am." Now, what was Millions
great misfortune?" He was poet. -
Lincoln Journal.
Mr.. Hightone-Really, my dear, |
wish you wouldn't expose yourself SO
much at the party tonight. Mrs. High
tone-No, love, | shan't. | am going
to wear gloves up to the elbows.-Bur-
lingto1a Free Press.
Brown Gan editor) say half
the reading done by the public is of
fiction. How dreadful! Jones Ca
novelisD-Frightful! l did not sup
pose the newspapers were perused so
extensively.-Itnle.
Prosecuting Attorney Selecting a
jury)-Isn't the prisoner a relative of
yours? Juror-No, sir; he is Il relative
OF my wife. Prosecuting Attorney
Your Honor, the prosecution accepts
this gentleman.-Nea0 YORK. Sun.
Husband-'I'ves some bad news, my
dear; that old bachelor brother of mine
has failed-lost his entire fortune"
Wife-''O, John, how dreadful, and
just as we had named the baby after
him. Poor little fellow" wallpapers
Bazdr.
Free-lunch expert (to bartender)-
Them cucumberS amt as fresh as they
might be, Mr.. Barkeeper. Bartender
They were fresh enough when you
began on the lunch, but how long do
you expect cucumbers to remain fresh?
-NsU York Sun.
Robinson-I say, Dumley, that um.
breIla | lent you last week ! saw Jones
carrying this morning. Dumley-YoU
don't say 50. let Smith take it yes.
terday and he must have loaned it to
Jones. That man Smith can't be de.
pended upon.-Epoch.
My poor man." said woman who
had given some breakfast to a tramp,
you eat slowly and in evident pain"
YES, madam" sadly responded the
tramp, Il had to sell the gold filling
IN my teeth last week for food OF
starve. '-Ep0ch.
Bertha-O, Reggy, dear, look at this
love of bonnet. 1t is the most ex
quisite one | ever had { hope YOU
won't think me mad when | tell YOU il
cost $50. Reggy-Think you madl
Well, guess not. I'm the one that's
mad, with a capital wallpapers
Bazar.
Employe-Square & Co. of Peoria
write that a mistake of $40 was made
IN the footing of their last bill, and
they inclose check for the amount.
Employer-All right, send a receipt
but we must look out for that firm
hereafter. They're too honest. =
Epoch.
Father has such a happy DISPOSE
ton, Mr.. SAMPSON she said. as the
front gate slammed and the old man
came up the walk. do YOU hear him
whistling?" Yes" responded Mr..
Sampson, nervously, land the chances
are that he will arouse the dog. ''-NeU
L VI n rGfG-
A thief in Vermont stole a couple OF
hens from farmer and droppeda gold
watch while stealing them. The far
mer wishes lis to state that the latch
string of the hen house still hangs out
and he will be pleased to receive simiI-
lar calls and no questions asked
Detroit Free Press.
A society item says that pet dogs are
now clad in mantles with pockets for
holding Jumps of sugar, bracelets on
Their paws, and string of little silver
bells around the neck. Thousands of
neglected children missed mighty
good thing by not being born pet dogs.
-NOrrtSt0Un Herald.
Mrs. Slimdiet (boarding-h house keep
er)-''My gracious! Bridget, the paper
says lots of nervous systems is bein'
wrecked by strong coffee" Bridget
Yes, mum; but" Il don't want
any ones blood on NV