Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1888-04-06
AHUMORlST'S ADVICE
BOB BURDETTE on OLD PEOPLE WHO
TRY TO BE YOUTHFUL.

There comes a time when we grow
/ old-some of us. All men and women
do not grow old. Some people die
young. But it may be stated as a de
monstrable fact that all people who
/ live long'enough grow old. The long
er you live, the older you grow. Some
/ people carefully disguise the fact, but
a coat of paint on an old house merely
makes it look smart; it does not keep
| the rickety old stairway from creak-
/ ing, and it won't staighten up the
window frame that's gone askew as
/ the house settles. You can-Or, at
/ least. the man from whom | bought
/ my last horse can-fiX up an old horse
Of seventeen years TO look like "A frisky
colt of three or four, and to act it, too,
/ for about fifteen minutes. But it won't
last. There are times when "a man
who is walking along that pleasant
decade of his pilgrimage between the
/ fortieth and fiftieth milestones feels
! inspired to run, and leap, and dance,
and sing, and renew his youth in va
rious ways; but the spirit is evanes-
cent, and the fashion Of it passeth
away, and he sayeth ''of laughter, 1t is
mad; and of mirth, What doeth it,
| And he looketh upon "the men sing
ers and women singers, and the de-
| lights of the sons Of men, and be
| hold, all is vanity and veXation of
spirit, and there is no profit to him in
that sort of thing.
But" says a beautiful woman,
''yourpreaching is only for men. Now,
| | frankly own 10 Al, and am not
ashamed of it, (bless her, she was II
pretty young girl in the class above
me when we went to school in PeO-
ria: | was II and she was IA them;
and feel just as young to-day as
ever | was" Away, slight woman.
| Go, hang thy tresses on back of a
/ chair, and soak your pearly smiles in
a goblet 1t is 10 o'clock; get thee to
| bed and save thine eyes and spare thy
wrinkles. There now. don't cry, dear
old friend. Tears used to make your
/ eyes swim in melting mist Of liquid
| tenderness; when you cry now ii only
/ makes your nose red. At our age,
| too, when we weep, we are apt to snlit
and shuttle, and swallow audibly. 1t
/ is pitiful, it is pathetic, but it isn't
/ pretty Oh, dear, no. Dear Mrs.
| Strengthawhonor, go to bed; don't sit
up for Prince Lemuel. He is out with
| some girls who are really and truly as
young as his mother ever was thir-
| ty years ago, and if he's in by o'clock
he'll call it early. SO will the girls
But say you, cannot one be
/ young-hearted after 40?" Yea, below
ed after 60 or TO- Down to the days
OF white haired old age the heart may
/ glow with tenderness and the quiet
warmth of the June sunshine Of years
ago stored away in its chambers, as
| years ago the sun stored his heat and
| light away in the forests of the earth,
| to dance and gleam and glow again III
merry flames and summer warmth
upon the coal-fed hearths to-day. For
this reason, oh, my young hearers re-
joice in the days of thy youth, when
the light is sweet and it is a pleas
ant thing for the eyes to behold the
sun; let your heart cheer you in these
days of sunshine and nights Of star
light, and remove all anger from thy
heart, and put away evil from thy
flesh, remembering the days Of dark
ness, for they shall be many! And
the freight that will come to glow
upon the hearth and dance in warmth
and tenderness upon the walls of your
hearts chambers in those days will
be the light you are storing away
now. Be happy and light hearted
then; but be the house of your mirth
as pure as n temple, and your laugh
ter sinless "a the song of birds: in all
your mirth and dancing, eXalt wis
dom; and. indeed, she shall bring thee
to honor, and give TO thine head an
ornament of grace; then shall the
years of thy life be many and thy
heart be ever young.
But your physical man won't be
h foolish haorar II
your thoughts won't be, and your
tastes won't be. Out on the knock
kneed old squad who weareth the raj
ment of the youthful dude, and will
set down his name in the scroll Of
youth that is written down old with
all the characters Of age" Have you
not a moist eye? dry hand? yellow
cheek? a white beardl a decreasing
leg? an increasing belly? Is not your
voice brokenz your wind shOrtf your
chin double? your wit single?'' And
you will call yourself young? Fie, fie,
fie. Sir john Don't tell us you feel
a. young as the youngest of 'em.
Don lie 10 Us. How Ill white halrs
become a fool and jesterr'
Why, brethren, you all know this
fellow. He never wants to be with
men of his own years. He crowds
himself upon the youngsters and
speaks of ''us boys" He insists on
making ''one of you on your tramps;
breaks down the first day out, and
breaks up the party by coaxing one or
two of the boys to come home with
him by train. He joins your hunting
party and catches the rheumatism in
every joint of his body the first night
he sleeps in the woods. He insists on