The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1888-03-15
HUMOROUS.

D"uio w "oih- ue apprentices.
The age in which to marry-The par
son-agc.
Carpenters should always be given to
speaking the plane truth.
When winter dies, spring refuses to
| "kindly omit flowers"
Brand-new Fashion Item.-Brown
lynx is the favorite fur for sausagcs this
year.
"a Tight Squeeze" one of the latest
novels issued, has already achieved q
remarkable leap year popularity.
The Mexican raids across the border
arc to be avenged. Tho American
tramps are invading that country.
There is man in Kansas City who,
it is said, can eat ninety eggs at meal.
This must be the fellow the hens arc
'1aying for"
A New York man advertises to re.
store oil paintings; but the man who is
to restore umbrellas has not yet gone
into business.
A maid on economy bent
Wished to give a swell luncheon in Lent
Dried apples with water
She served; but it taught her
A bowling swell brings discomfort.
In her remarks to parliament the
queen started off: my lords and gen
tlemen." Even the queen is beginning
to see that there is distinction be-
tween her lords and gentlemen.
Dr. Pellet: $50 Scalpel set you,
broken arm9" Patient: "Yes, SIR"
Pellet "What wero his charges3'
Twenty dollars" Pellet: Robbery,
sir; downright robbery! I'd have am
putated it for $25."
Husband (groaning): "Thc rheuma-
tism in my leg is coming on again."
Wife with sympathy: "Oh, am so
sorry, John. l wanted to do some shop
ping, to-day, and that is sure sign of
rain"
When a woman hears the crash o.
china in the kitchen, her look of de-
spair and her shivcr of anxiety are only
equalcd by those of big-eycd, short
haired dog on the middle of wind
swept skating pond.
There are times when man should
not give up his scat in street-car to
even lame woman. That time is when
twelve men are packed like sardines on
one side of the car and four women have
spread thcmsc selves to take up every inch
of room on the other.
When the victim had unwrappcd tho
bundle of supposed counterfeit money,
for which he had paid $500 in good
bills, and found simply the end of
pine plank, and not even plaucd at
that, he quietly remarked "All board"
and started back to Arkansas.
81 have nothing to say to you, sir"
said the man in the prisoners cell to the
clergyman who had called to offer con-
ISOLATION. 81 am entirely ia the hands
of my attorney" "May heaven help
you, my friend" said the minister with
deep feeling, as he turned to go.
While surgeon was administering
the vapor OF ether to patient, upon
whose foot he was about to operate, the
man, who had grown rather restive
under the preliminary process of inhala-
tion, begged the operator to cut away,
as he was tired sucking nothing out Of
a bottle, and getting drunk upon it."
The waiter expostulatcs with the
guest for summonlng him by swapping
of the fingers with the remark: "Aro
you calling !or the dog, sir1' Good
ncssw exclaimed the guest "are youa
why do you aski' in-
quircd the waiter. "Why," returned
the guest, 81 was about to ask for sau.
sage"
A man who is making will,
You surely can say that he's willing;
But if he has to pay big liquor bill,
He certainly must have been swilling.
Though coiner don't work in mill,
You surely can say that he's milling;
Though clerk is no farmer, if he works ate
till,
You surely can say that he's tilling,
And man who makes liquor, works at hi.
still,
While at night his cross babies he's still
ing