The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-06-02

"tWell, ye see eez Sister Mary, el drawin' on a sober face, sa man wa ridin' across ther bridge smokin' q cigar, am he throwed the lighted end out over the railin' inter the river an 1t set afire, an afore they could put ii out it was all burned up.'
 ~My goodness graciousl !" ser Lib An all the fishes too?'
 "How Mary could keep CT sober face and tell such an outrageous yarn wal more'n could see, but she looked like Patience or CT monerment CT smilin' at grief all the time, an Lib she swal- lered every word ont as if it had been law an gospel.
 "'Now, Lib,' sez Mary, if I was in your place I'd run home quick's l could and tell my folks ont afore some one else got ahead on me-
 "And away Lib went, pell-mel. as fast as her long legs'd carry her, an Mary got CT chance ter unpack her trunk afore she got back.
 "The father an mother? O, they was jist erbout the same sort. re- remember when first come here ter live, Mis- Higgins she'd visitid us all around about two CT three times apiece, an suppose she thought she couldn't git rid CT askin' us ter spend the afternoon at her house; so she giv an invite to Mis- Brown, an Mis- Burnham am me, an sister Mary she was CT visitin' here then. Iwasn't no ways anxious ter go but Mary, sez she, Q, come on Hannah. it'll be as good as CT circus. An, I declare l believe she got about as much fun out ont. We went about one o'clock an all on us took our knittin' work, but for four mortal hours Mis- Hig- gins she list set there an puckered up the hem of her gingham apron, CT else rolled an unrolled her hands up in 1t, and she said La now ye don't say so r CT else My goodness gracious ter about every other word any of us said. She never opened her head ter make but one remark all the after noon, an that was that her old yeller hen had stole her nest an was CT set tin somewhere. But when she come ter set the table she jist put on the cap sheaf; if she went once from the table to the buttery she did more'n forty times. She'd fetch out CT cup an sarcer then stand with her finger in her mouth am look am think that is if such sleepy critters ez she ever do think-then she'd go back inter the buttry am fetch 8 knife an fork or spoon, an then stop an look an think agin then jest as likely eZ not she'd pick up the cup an sarcer an carry lem back. She kept 1t up till it seemed ter me she'd jest about drive me crazy; when Mary, sez jest as sober as a deacon, exercises healthy, an ye know crockery gifts the rheumatiz if 1t stands in one place too long. Mis- Higgins, she stopped right in the middle of the floor with CT sugar. bowl in her hand, and, sez she, La, now ye don't say SOP"
 "'Why, yes,' sez Mary, didn't ye never hear CT that afore?' No, never heard nothin' like it. sez Mis- Higgins with her mouth an eyes wide open jest like Lib.
 "'Well, ye know sez Mary with Ter face jest ez solemn as an owl, you find sometimes your sugar bowl CT handle broke off or CT teapot nose CT missin' or somethin' of that sort, an nobody don't know nothin' about it? Well, that's crockery rheumatiz, it draws lem all up an they snap of.
 "'Land sakes,' sez Mis- Higgins, 'an' I thought twas the young uns did 1t.
 "I felt ez if I'd CT like ter boxed Mary's ears for we'd had all we could do ter keep from laughin' afore an that nigh about killed us.
 "I really believe Mis- Higgins was CT good hour and CT half afore she called us ter supper; she'd fetched on an carried off about half the crockery, at least, two or three times an' then the table wasn't half set. But she got us down at last an begun to ask CT blessin'; what she said nobody couldn't make nothing out ont, there was food an 'blessin' am thankful all mixed up ter gether, an right in the middle ont she jumped up ez spry ez CT cat am sez she o, Lord, Pve forgot them bis- kits an I'll bet they're all burnt up.' We had ter jest stuff our handker- chers in our mouths ter keep from laughin' right out. We'll, I dunno ez them biskits was hurt much by the scorching they got unless ye could spile saleratus an' putty, but then I never calkerlate ter criticize nobody's victuals, am if she'd only kep' still after she'd once got to ther table we could CT stood lem some way bad ez they was, but sister Mary declared she counted seventeen times Mis- Higgins got up from the table for different things while we sot there.
 "I never tried that visit over again, ye'd better believe. I didn't see no fun in that kind of CT circus.