The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-02-22
sPoONER's CONSTITUENT.
The Wisconsin Senator the Recipient
ola Humorous Letter.
From tie LonisrlNe Comcter.Jomna..


From the Louisville Couier-JomTlG..
WASHINGTON, Feb. 12.-About the best
thing in the way of take-off is letter of
a constituent to Senator Spooner. The
name of the writer is not given, hut 1T
could have been written by no other than
George w. Peck, of Peck's Milwaukee sun.
1t is mighty good and humorous, and READS
as follows;
My DEAR JOHN: You and have always been
friends ever since we first became acquainted
| have tried to be a good friend to you: YOUR
member when you We're trst mentioned loI
Senator, some paper published up Noftn Stiu
YOU were an "Aumnus of the state university :
and that defended you against the charge u
| being an "Alumnus'' TO the best OF my aolity.
| | said had known you for years, and had never
| known you to do anything that could cause any
| one to call you such names, and offered 10
| whip the man who called you an "Alumnus.' |
| mention thus to call your attention to the fact
that have always stood by you | have not. l
am sure merited any such treatment as am
receiving at your hands | alude to the habit
| you have of sending me public documents l
suppose, really, your private secretary IS 10
blame but ! want you to do me the favor to
kill him. You remember that you once
told me that l could draw on you at any
time for any favor. Now, ask you to Kill TINS
man. The first year that you we're senator, |
read everything you sent me. The first thlng
that came was q census report and read thaU
through from Genesis to Revelations sitting up
thought was showing my loyalty to you, ana L
got so could repeat page after page Of those
figures with one hand tied behind me. Before L
had got to where the hero marries the girl IN the
census report you sent me the report OF the
Public Printer, and put in my evenings Tor
weeks on that and then the Patent ONCE reports
began to come, and the report of the Agrlcnl-
tural Bureau, with occasional de-
partment reports. l on my last lap
and read all of those reports except about
a cord and a BALI. when began to receive
small documents from you in envelopes and L
thought what a nice time / would have reading
them; but to-day opened some OF them, ana
hope to die if they are not speeches on me
tariff. | dOnot wish to complain, but honestly
John, don't you think that is spreading 1t on
rather thick? No man tries harder than do,
and no man sticks by friend longer than | do,
and it does seem to me there ought to be some
way in which / can show my loyalty 10 you
without reading those tariff speeches Once
was young and full of vinegar, and could read
old back number speeches of statesmen and en-
joy them, but late years since my hair has de
parted and rheumatism and neuralgia nave
taken its place. have to read something hght
or don't sleep. send me some more statistics,
with plenty of figures in, for | can glance over
a page of them, and sort of jump accounts and
average it up, but these speeches are going to
break me down
9'he last speech you sent me was Senator
Shermans to Boggansde on the tariH. III
Sherman got you to send it to me / wish you
would see him and explain to him that while l
would do anything in reason for you, he must
excuse me from reading It. | don't want TO
hurt his feelings or yours and don't want to
break the friendship that has existed so long
between you and me, but by the eternal John,
| won't read that tariff speech. You may think
l have grown cold and naughty, but how would
you feel if you had to read those speeches. just
to oblige a friend? If there is anything that
can do for you that is reasonable. call on me-
Only the other day l was talking about you to a
Republican and he said he guessed he would
have to 20 back on you the next time you were
up for Senator, because you hadn't sent him
any documents. | gave hlm a lot of those you
had sent to me and told him you sent them
to him in my care, and he is all solid for you
now, though had to lie ! will lie for you,
John, or do anything that does not cause wear
and tear of brain, bat you must let me off on
those tariff speeches Yours truly.
P. S.-Say. John, there is a party of us com
ing down to Washington pretty soon lobbying
for the post Office Appropriation. l have told
them we could go right to your house. Is that
all right: You could make US up lot of beds
on the floor in the parIor. | have told them
knew you 50 well that it would be all right, to
go right to the house any time of night. Leave
the key under the door mat and chain up the