St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-01-03
A PECULIAR POSTMASTER.


by an Illinois Inspector.
United States Mail.
A travelling postOffice inspector went
up into Scott county few days ago for
the purpose of investigating certain re-
ported crOOkedness. One afternoon he
reached a small cabin situated near a
lonely road. He stopped, intending to
geta drink of water, and as he drew
near to the house was astOnished at see
ing sign board with the following IN
scriptiOn: 'POOSt offs" An old fellow
with grizzly beard and hairy chest
displayed, as his shirt was unbuttOned
came out, and, merely nOdding to the
inspector, sat down on a stump.
How are yOu?' said the inspector.
"rOEble.n
"Have you any fresh water handy?
"Plenty Wit down thar in the branch.
One Nv the boys shot my bucket all ter
pieces, an SINCE then halter go ter the
branch wen 1 wanter drink"
Just then a man mounted on mule
rode up and asked: Mr.. PlummeT, got
any letters for me?"
Yes, theirs one here, Bill Peterson,
but you KANT get it. Go on away frum
here, or I'll make you wish you hadn't
come"
"Wush you would give it ter me-"
Eyes, and ther niger wuShed that
Their coon would come down outer the
tree, but he didn't come"
Say, Mr.. Plummer-''
''Shet your mouth an say nothin', an
morn, that, you'd better mOsey away
frum here"
The man rode away, and the in
spector, addressing the postmaster,
asked:
why didn't you give that man his
letter."
"Kase he worked again me when
run for jestice Nv the peace"
Yes, but the government don't care
anything for that"
Reckon not: but do"
but you were appointed to serve the
people"
"Yas, and I sarve 'em, too-sarve
some Of 'em like old Nick"
My friend, l am travelling pOstOffice
inspector, and"
'All right, then, travel"
IF L report you to the pOStOffice de-
partment, which shall be very apt to
do, you'll travel"
''ReckOn not. This establishment
b'longs ter ME and nObOdy's got right
ter tell me ter git out"
''HOW long have you had this Officer?
Ever sense | built it,
Il mean, how long have you been
pOstmasterr'
Bout year, reckon"
At this juncture an old fellow, can
| tiOusly picking his way among the
| bushes. approached the postmaster, who
| upon seeing him sprang to his feet and
| exclaimed:
What in thunder do you want here,
| Abe Smith?''
| "COme after flat Dapfr1
Didn't tell yer that yer KANT git
Eyes, but I lowed that yer mOut
change yer mind"
wall, 1 hafn't. When yer refused
to lend me yer slide an boss tOtber
week told yer that yer couldn't git
nOthin' else Outen this Office"
''Im er gOin' to git that paper"
be-"
AN that's about what 1 think"
''Wall. help yerse'f.'
With agility surprising for such Old
men. they grappled each other and be-
gan desperate struggle. Abe Smith
succeeded In throwing the postmaster.
NOW" said Smith. as he began TO
choke old Plummer, ''gOin' ter let me
have that paperT7
a gurgle Yes came from the post
| masters throat Smith released DIS
hold and suffered Plummer to get up.
WALL" said the postmaster, as he
stood brushing fragments Of leaves and
bark from his beard. II reckon l WuZ
sober mistaken In yer. didn't know
that yer YuZ such nice man. Come
in. Abe. and git yer paper, for yer have
earned il ike a white man."
''Aint that letter fur me, tOO?'
4.Yas.''
"WalI. want it,
KANT git it, Able. Yer fit fur thel
paper an not fur Their letter."
SCOT ter have il. Plummer."
''NOt lessen yer whip me ergain."
"B'Feye L ken do it,
''All right, Able
They went at it again, pranceC
around, striking at each other. Finally
Plummer struck Abe heavy blow anC
felled him; then, seating himself on the
PROSTATE man, he said:
''DOn't want Their letter, do yer
Abie?''
Reckon not. Plummer."
Albright; come erhead an git We
paper"
When Abe had gone the postmaste
turned to the inspector and said:
want anything Outen me?'
'NO, believe not"
) ''Ef yer had er letter here an didn'
} | want yer ter have it yer wouldn't arg,
| Their pint, would yer?''
, 81 don't think that I would"
Don't want no truck with me?"
None"
''Wall, then, good-by. Got ter go il
now an make up ther mall"