Smyrna times. [volume] (Smyrna, Del.) 1854-1987, 1888-02-08
NO FUN TO Be A GAR.
Bill Sye's Dissertation on Some Obvious
DiscOmfOrts of Royalty.

Bill Nye's Dissertation on Some Obvious
DiscOmfOrts of Royalty.
If anything could reconcile the average
American boy to the fact that he is not a
car, it would be the late story of Mr..
StrakOsch to the effect that his imperial
majesty once, when tine czarowitch played
a French obligato to the song given by
Nine. Nilsson, and that years after, when
he had become full blown ear, the or
chestra affected him to tears, for it
brought back the memory of that blessed
time when he did not have to put on a
sheet iron Overcoat to go out and get the
morning paper.
Happier indeed was this great man,
with his French horn and his portfolio as
czarowitch, living from hand to mouth
than in after years as a thirty-second de-
gree car with mighty empire under his
thumb and fractions bomb under his
throne.
Greatness brings with it newspaper
criticism, loss of appetite, languor. cold
feet and death. And even in death a great
man does not stand much of a chance
Relic hunters come and try to break into
his grave and carry fragments of his sys-
TEN away to remember him by, and the
historian criticises him to his hearts con
tent
For this reason we Ought to appreciate
n country where we need not be great if
we would rather not. 4 ear really has
no alternative. He can avoid being a
czarina by beginning in time, but when
he discovers that he is a czarOwitch he
knows that it is goOd-by, John, as the
Russians have it. Here the rules are less
severe. a man may escape greatness for
years and years. He may be president of
the United States today and promoting
pullets tomorrow.
The utmost latitude is given to an
American. He cannot only abstain from
beingFgreat, but after he has been great
our people will excuse man and allow
him to insert himself into obscurity again
in case he feels more comfortable that
way. But a car has no chance. He
really has no fun at all. As soon as he
discovers that his lineage is big he is open
to criticism, and cannot do anything IN
dignified
car who would play shorstop in a
picked nine or go about the country deliv
ering Il humorous lecture, would be ostra.
ciZed. Many long, hot summer day he
has 20 stay on big red throne and reign
while mediocre men 90 fishing. Just as
he thinks he is alone and takes Off his hat,
ermine trimmed robes, thinking that he
will sit IN his shirt sleeves and play few
strains on his French horn, a courtier
comes in and, making a low Obeisance,
states that he has ukase which ought to
be issued in time to catch the 2 o'clock
mail
Then it is disagreeable for a man to be
car and suddenly find himself the
parent of n grand duke whom he don't
exactly feel at liberty TO spank No man
really wants to spank a grand duke, no
matter how little he is. AS Americans,
we do not fully appreciate the blessings of
freedom which are denied to a car.
Czarinas also have pretty hard row to
hoe, to use an Americanism. They have
to meet all the social demands that are
made upon them and entertain neighbor-
ing pOtentates, see that they have hot
water and clean towels in their rooms
while visiting at their houses, and show
them the best places to trade while in the
city. They also have to have general
oversight Of the children, so that their
distracted country will not run short of a
monarch.
1t is no uncommon thing for q czarina
to say to a visiting dynasty: "Excuse me
moment, your royal altitoOdleum; his
nibs, the grand duke, has just informed
me that her eminence the grand Ouch
ess, his sister, has got Lima bean up
her nOse.-Bill Nye in New York World