Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1888-07-14
SATURDAY SlllileS.

"ThingS That Never DE- IS tie title OF maga-
zine poem. We have searched In vain, however
for any mention Of the man who sticks to the end
seats OF an open h0fSe-caf.
g, ole Mr. sharply Geaning over the staircase in
Mabel (below>-"Yes, papa
Old Mr.. Sharply-"Just tell that young gentle
man in the parlor that II he is waiting Tor the
morning paper be can get II quicker downtown"
"vat.' said the collector for a little German
band TO a citizen who sat in his front window
''yoo no cir holdings Tor dot moosic?" "Not a
cent" replied the citizen. with hopeless emphasis
"Den We blay here some more, OATS ALL"
The only man who was ever known to keep a
cash account OF MS private expenses absolutely
the doctors said his death was caused by mental
overwork.
.'Thomas. why don't you display more ambition?
There Is always room al the top" "No, my love:
you are mistaken. You could not possibly crowd
any more trimming on the summit Of your theatre
cal hat."-Bost0a Gazette.
Customer getting his hair cut)-"Didn't you nip
of piece OF the ear then"
Barber (reassuringly)-"Yes, sab, a small piece,
but not 'nough to affect de hearin, sah."-ierds
| SiHings.
Mrs Morris Park-"Mr. Rives is out great deal
evenings at homer.
Mrs. Riverside Rives-"HOw kind OF him! But,
then, you know, Riverside and have such perfect
| confidence In each other!"--Puck.
Chicago Wife-"Why, what ais you Charles?
You seem all out of breath and totally exhausted
Chicago Husband-"I am. I-haye-just-been
spanking u Berthe with - one-of-your-slip-
pers."-Judge.
Talk about the precision Of the Boston girl! A
little east-side school girl was overheard telling
| playmate that She had been seasick. 'sThat Is -
she added TO correct herself, 81 have never been
seasick because have never been on the sea- you
know, but l have been awfully lakesick."- MI
| Waukee Wisconsin,.
"oh, Mrs: Smith, do please introduce Mr. Jones
over there 10 mel" "It's no good, DEAR he WONT
| dance" mo- know; but want to sit out with
him; he goes with my dress so Beautifully
London Judy.
First wayback deacon (whispertng,-'Tt's begin.
the veStibule."
second wayback deacon-"Who brought them?,
''Those Two strangers In the back seat"
"Humph! Back seats Is no place for stranger.
Show 'em into a front pew."-Omahd World.
"Hello. Jones! where are you gOlng9"
.GeIting ready to develop my gold mineD
"What machinery do you chOOSe?"
"None; III take my wire along. She'll be sure
| to find the pockets If there are any."-San Fran.
| cisco Examiner.
P5s &, oi we can't complain
second Undertaker-"No it is true we have no
Snoe or yeHM feyss tins but
places."-Lye.
He tas sn EVENING EVENING partye'May have the next
she-"Excuse me, Mr. Wabash but owing to the
recent death OF very dear aunt do not think it
! right that should dance. But you may take me
| In TO supper II you nke."-Epoch.
Father-"Who is that young man who comes to
| see you SO much?" 00 w
Daughter-"Mr. Chestnut, young coal dealer
| from Harlem, papa"
Father-"wsll, the next time he calls want to
| see him.
Daughter-"0h, papa, you won't say anything
Father quietly but flrmly)-"I shall order ton
OF coal and tell him to charge It. "-Ne,o YORK s,,
Luxury-lovtng dauGhter-"Oh, mamma, the
paper says at Pills Plaster Co.'S drug store they
| are giving soda water free to all customers"
Practical mother-"How nice that is. Tell your
Aunt Sarah and Aunt Jane and grandma and the
girls TO get their hats on Wen 20 there this very
morning and get postage stamp."-Omaha
Dumpsey-"Hell0, Blobsoni Seems Is though
you were looking pretty poorly"
Blobson-"Yes. I'm tired to death.n
Dumpsey-"rredf You need vacation
Blobson-"Just got back from one."-Rwrlinoton
| Free Presa