The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-07-06
- grnER GARDNER.
tie Tells How Even tho Nest Humble May
Get Above tho Common Herd.

ne Tells How Even tho Nest Humble May
Get AboVe tho Common Herd.
A note has been left ON my desk
akin me why dc present alge has not
produced Cicero. Diogenes or Milton
! answer to de eiTeck dat each aige has
produced Of itself an fur itself.
Diogenes was looked upon as a wise
man in his day and aige. Put him am
his tub on airth to-day, an IL wouldn' {
be twenty -four hours befo' he q be jerked
10 de jug fur crank, am de law would
fo'ce him to cut his ha'r, dig out mis-
finger nails an put on clean shirt
Cicero was applauded by thousands
fur his mastery oratory. At dot aige
de gift OF gab was rare thing. In
dis aige you can attend five dollar
lawsuit befo' any justice of de peace
an find match fur Cicero in three
dollar lawyer. II he could drap down
among MS he'd find II hard work TO get
a resolushun fur new sidewalk frew
de city council.
Shakespeare was big-bug fur de
aige i'm which he lived. He was proba-
bly, de only person ON airth who could
writ his writings, an he desarved all
praise. II he was among us to-day he'd
tird ehery newspaper givin' him de
guy, an all de boys yellin' ont "chest-
mutt" as his works appeared in Seaside
form. Dis aige demands different
style. We want sunthin' bout angels
comm down an takn leetle chil'en
straight up to Heaben, or a feller gwine
out TO Texas an KILN half dozen
lnjuns a day fur a vacashun We want
plain English. widout any had words
- Naa I..nnfF ff.,s
me Lord. me Duke, me lady an sich,
an we doan' want To. Dis aige
has produced live thousand pussons,
who, while dey can't write like Shakes
peare did, kin waltz all aroun' him
In keepin' dc readers ha'r on eand
from de fust paige 10 de fast
Nero was big gun fur his aige, but
jest you emagine sich chap cavortin,
aroun' dis kentry at dis day an date
DE VERY fust time he sounded his
hazoo in lie Ninth ward peeler would
give him tie collar an walk him down,
an de next mawnin' you'd see 1t in de
papers dat ole Nero was sent up fur
sixty days fur disturbin' de peace
We has no poet To ekal Milton, but
If we had de newspapers wouldn't gin
him "A fair show Dey'd refer TO his
produckshuns as spring poetry, AN
he'd likely be dubbed de Ba'n-gate e
Balladist of Indiana. Dis aige doan'
cry fur poetry half as much as fur pork,
aud chap Ike Milton would hev To
turn hand-organ To make living.
DE aige doan' demand no great man
in any line. When it does he will bob
To de surface an his name will appear
in de papers. We am all mo- or less
orators We am all wise 'nulT in our
way. We am all philosophers 'nufr to
see why water won't run up hill. an
statesmen 'nutf 10 know dat what ails
dis kentry am its over-production OF
bootjacks.
My advice to YOU am TO keep right
on being common folks. If YOU want
10 git above de common herd pay cash
fur your groceries; let odder folkscs
wood-piles alone; keep whisky an sich
Mt arms length; put in six days a week
at har,l work; read mo- skule books an
fewer novels. You may not become =
Napoleon nor Plato. but YOU II be re-
membered in your own nayburhood
when de names Of State Guy nors hey
bin forgotten. - Detroit Free Press.