The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-05-30
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Rest corn remover--The crow.
A model mana solicitor of patents.
The sweetest things in bonnets-Las-
ses.
Constantly in scrape-The tonsoral
artist.
An awful bore-The Hudson river
tunnel.
Suspended matter-The Brooklyn
bridge.
Elevating the sex-Those running ele-
vators.
A fruitful theme-The subject Of
horticulture.
There's good many ins and outs in
the life of ball tosser. er.-PHtddetphm
CaU
Corn dodgers-People who have been
kicked for stepping on them. m.-Bar'an9-
ton Fire. Press.
With regard to sparkling over the
front gate, good deal can be said on
both sides. -SVting'.
There is a twelve year old barber back
of the Stock Yards; he is only little
shaver now GO0ldlPS Sun.
"There's no flies on that nine," said
the crank, as he sized up the weak
batters. y PHILADELPHIA CdH
In his relation TO foreign commerce
and to domestic larders the hog brlstles
with importance at present. Graphic.
ranghter-" Ma, how do people know
that it's man in the moon!" Mother
Csady)-"Because it's always out nights.
lack Goodfellow's small brother-Jack
is there any past tense of duel Jack
(gloomily)-Yes, dun -Ldrcdrd Lam
po0H.
This legend was inscribed on the great
door of the sing Sing Prison one night
recently: "Hair cut while you watt
GraDhic.
A lady advertises that she has "fne,
airy. wei furnished bedroom for gen
tleman twelve feet square. - C)mmefcidt
1trerttSer.
"What made the Tower of Pisa lean?"
"Because of the famine in the land,
said boy who got the tower confused
| with Ioseph's brethren. The Teacher.
He didn't kiss her-they'd told their love
In accents soft and low;
| But her little brother behind the door
Shouted; Gallagher let 'er &C"
Merchant TrdreLer.
Indianapolis, Indiana, has woman
whose voice can be heard for a mile,
| We do rot know what her callingf Is, but
She must be su, cessful in it.-BarliRg-
TN Free Pres.
A little girl showed her brother star
and said: "That star is bigger than this
! world.n No it isn't said he. Yes
! il is "Then why doesn't it keep the
rain off, TT Tid-Bd.
A cir us proprietor having had an
outfit carried away from him in freshet,
remarked that he wouldn't mind the
ducking so much if he could only get
his calves back. Yoakers Gazette.
Ethelinda- so you are really engaged,
dear How on earth did you manage itl"
AraLella-"The calender helped me. It's
leap year. / cannot tell lie. did it
with my little x.n-East End Bulletin.
A candidate for Justice of the Peace
who was asked what he would do if
man was brought to him in loaded con-
dition, replied that he would at once
discharge him lie got the oiiice.-Neio
Yotk Sun.
Physicians Wife-"Are your affairs in
ve,y bad shape, Johnp Physician
"Very: but / hope to pull through. My
creditors have extended my paper to the
middle of the watermelon SEASON."
b st2H Gi0le.
A terrible test of woman's fortitude
was made at the Washington con-
vention, when the chairwoman asked
those who were present at the Seneca
Falls meeting forty years ago to stand up.
-Raasw Cy Ne,os
"What a delicious drink' said a
young woman, who was slipping soda
water milk punch is il Favored with
the product of tha vine, George' "No,"
replied George, lit is a favored product
Of the bovine. n-NsC York. Aers.
Mr. Epson Downes Seated by a
stranger in car-"What time is it by
your watch if YOU please" SuaLger-I
don't know" Mr. Cpson Downes -"But
you Just looked at iti' Stranger "Yes; l
only wanted to see if it was still there"
Joshua l.. Hawkins, of South Hawkins
vile, Ne, is one Of the most eccentric
men in the country. lie is ninety eight
years of age, yet he obstinately refuses
10 split q cord of wood before breakfast
or 10 walk ten miles a day. His con-
ditiou occasions his family much un-
easine ss. .--Iid-BUs.
Lovers are prone to self.depreeiati, n,
said nc, tenderly, as they sat looking at
the stars Il do not understand what
you see in me that you love me That's
what everybody says gurgled the in-
: geuuous maiden. Then the ence be-
came so deep that you could hear the
stars twinkling. .-NeD Hrk AeOs.
She fell upon the crowded walk,
Amid The great parade,
In dainty boots and fabrics rich,
And seulskin sacque arrayed
Her daughter bent low over her,
Her heart almost dismayed:
"What is it, mamma.-tell me quickW
In accents wild she said,
The pale lips moved, the weak voice spoke
- couldn't couldn't match the shaden
Harper's BaEar.