St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-01-01
A FOOLS WISDOM.

dent Of that county for a year when he
went before political convention that
was being held and asked for nomina-
ton to certain county Office. He
made strong argument in his own
favor, and the delegates were much i'm
pressed. But they hesitated to grant
the request.
Gentlemen" asked JOHN, sis there
any quality in which you find me lack
ing?"
A tall, lank Norwegian rose and re-
piled:
You talk well, Mr.. FLITTIE, but be-
fore we go any further we would like
to know your political faith-what party
you would for to go to vote for"
"Ah!' exclaimed the promising
asplrant,- ''as to that you need not
worry. l can belong to any party that
you desire me to. l am wholly at your
service"
He was nominated.
That the ladies of the country are
doing solid campaign work for GROVER
CLEVELAND can not doubt after hear
ing the following story told on A. d.
ROBINSON, of Rochester. During the
last presidential campaign his wife pre-
sented him with boy. She is a radical
Democrat, while ROBINSON bowls for
BLAINE. He wanted the boy called
JAMES and she insisted that he be
named GROVER. They argued and de-
bated the point until they finally agreed
on compromise. The boy was named
JAMES GROVER ROBINSON. His father
calls him JAMES and the mother adj
dresses him as GROVER. With
Woman's pluck she has trained him also
SO that when his father says "JAMEs"
ne won't answer, but when he hears
'GRoVER" pronounced he trOts right
along. Mrs. ROBINSON remains master
of the situation, and there is a good
Democrat being reared to rebuke his
father IN olmsted county.
wish some member of the Society
for the Prevention of Cruelty to Ami
mails would stand at the north approach
to the Robert street bridge and watch
the street car horses ascend it. An
hours study of the cruelty practiced
upon these poor brutes would convince
that there is urgent necessity for pro-
lection for them. Most of the horses
going with the cars into West st. Paul
are either badly shod or not shod at all.
When they reach the bridge with a
loaded car they have fearful time.
They stumble and slip, come down on
their knees or roll completely over.
The car is dead weight behind them.
and the bridge is covered with ice. In
some fashion the horses manage to get
the car over, but with such efforts as to
lame them.
~
There is joyial dentist on West
Third street. near the electric light, who
for some time has employed a colored
man to take care of his rooms and bach
elOr quarters. The one failing of the
aforesaid cOlored man has been his ap-
petite for drink. Said the dentist
to himself: 81 will cure him
Of that" One afternoon a short time
ago the darby showed up gloriously
drunk. The dentist at once seized him,
took him to back porch that hangs at
dizzy height above the railroad track,
and placing him in chair there, bound
him hand and foot, so that he could not
stir: When the darky began to sober
off it was getting dark. He roared and
hOwled, and the neighbOrs, frightened,
went for policeman. The officer re-
leased the panic-Stricken imam and
brother" and, proceeding under the
s'civil rights act, arrested the dentist.
Much to his own disgust and the
darky's great pleasure, the doctor
went to the police station and put up
S25 bail, which he forfeited the next
morning. Afterwards he said to
friend, who was consoling him: 'sIf
the COMPOUNDED neighbors had minded
their own business l would have had
that darby cured of drinking by morn
ing"
JOHN LIND's tariff views, as pub
liShed in the GLOBE on Friday, remind
me of a story that will fit in with them.
Mr.. LIND wants sliding" tariff, one
of those twO-headed affairs that can be
adjusted with the state of the political
weather. BOB WRIGHT was an old Min
neSOtian, who in certain county of the
state, during his lifetime, ran for every
Office that was to be filled. A friend
asked him how he managed to be sue
ceSSful so often.
s'Well. JOHN" replied the old man,
"the two parties in this county have
always had certain plankS in their plat
forms that needed greasing. Which
ever plank needed the most greasing, l
saw that it was done. Then when the
proper time came, I'd take slide on it
and go in. See?"
Mr.. LIND may be arranging the tariff
on that ''slide" basis with an eye to his
next campaign.
On all the fire extinguishers in the
passenger trains in this state there is
printed this notice, ''Play on the base of
the fire." There was little railroad
accident outside of st. Paul last week,
and one of the wrecked coaches took
fire. The conductor rushed up to the
flames to find a man dancing up and
down, holding in one arm the extin-
guiSher and in the other the nozzle. But
he wasn't operating the machine.
"Play on it, you blamed fool Turn
the Screww roared the official.
"Hang it al, ;" retOrted the man, as he
kept on dancing. Cant you let me find
the base of the blasted fire first?.
The railroad commission Will inyesti-
gate this.
From the number of state commissions
past Republican legislatures have Gre
ated, stranger tarrying among us is
led to believe that the Republican party
is made up mainly of officials and eX-
officials. An EngliShman, on visiting
the state capitol recently, stood in one
of the corridors while his escort pointed
out to him distinguished people who
were passing. The escort talked some
thing like this:
s'There is railroad commissioner"
''A dairy commissioner"
"a state prison commissioner"
ga state university commissioner"
"a state agricultural commissioner"
"a state insane asylum commission
en-"
ga state reform school commissioner"
GA state tax board commissioner"
"a state soldiers home commission
err
GA state charities and corrections
commissioner"
sgPv Inva Won l-po1v ,, cold Tho IT,,
lishman, finally, "Cawn't you show me
a plain, unvarnished citizen?"
~
understand that Postmaster LEE has
already encountered two serious diff
culties in the administration of st.