The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-02-22

w nat with these clothes Onf Why,
1t is fifteen miles, and dusty all the way"
mo matter, sir: take the road. ou
squander your money on three-card
monte; I'll teach you a lesson"
"G'lang g'langl drawled the driver,
as he looked over his shoulder with a
curious mingling of pity, contempt or
wonder on his dusty face. More and
more spitefuIly snapped the swinging
whip as the slow-paced oxen toiled mile
after mile under the heat of a Septem-
Der sun. And there in the road trudged
Armstrong behind the wagon; slowly,
wearily, thoughtfully, but not silently.
He was man who always spoke his
thoughts.
"This serves you right, Armstrong.
Any man who will fool his money away
at three e-card monte deserves to walk in
the dust"
ut will spoil these Clothes"
"Well, don't you deserve itP'
"The dust fill my eyes"
Eyes; any man who CANDLES all his
dust away at three card monte deserves
to have dust in his eyes-and alkali dust
at that"
1.-THE dust chokes me-"
"All right; any man who will buck at
monte deserves to be choked. Keep the
road, sir-the middle of the road. CLOSE
up to the wagon. Do you think you
will ever buck at monte again, Arm
strongP
And so the poor culprit, self.arrested,
sell. condemned, coughed and sneezed
and choked and walked and talked,
mile after mile, hour after hour, while
the great wagon groaned and creaked,
the driver bawled and swung his whip,
the patient oxen gave their shoulder to
the yoke, and the golden sun of Sep
tember sank YEARLY toward the west.
The shadows of evening were beginning
to fall when the wagon halted at the
place called Packers Roost, on the
Yuba.
"Here we rest" sighed Armstrong,
just above his breath, as he looked at
the stream. "No you don't" answered
the head of the firm. "You buck your
money away at monte and talk about
rest. "NOw, Armstrong, go right down
the bank, sir, into the river" As the
command was peremptory and a
spirit Of obedience seemed the safest,
Armstrong obeyed without parley and
down he went, over his head and ears,
store clothes and all, into the cold noun
ia n stream. 1t was long time that he
remained in the water and under the
water. He would come to the surface
every little while to tilk, you understand
1t was impossible for Armstrong to for
bear talking. "Oh, yes" he would say
as he came up and snuffed the water
from his nose, you'll buck your money
away at three card monte, will you2 How
do you like the water curer His words
were, Of course, duly punctuated by ir-
regular plunges and catchings of the
breath
1t so happened that the man who kept
the shanty hotel at the Packers Roost
had woman for wife. She, being a
kind-hearted creature, besought her lord
to go down and 'help the poor crazy
man out of the water"
"Pshaw," said the OK driver, "he
amt crazy man; he's a fool. He
walked behind my wagon and talked to
himself all the way from Scrabble
town"
Thereupon arose lengthy discussion
about the difference between a crazy man
and fool. But after while the land
lord and the OK driver went down to the
bank and agreed to 90 Armstrong; Sc
curity az i ,st bucking at monte in the
future if he would come out of the wateI
So he came out and went up to the
house.
"Will you have cup of tea or cof-
feel" said the woman, kindly.
''Yes, madam" said Armstrong, 81
Will take both"
ale is crazy, sure as can be, !" said the
woman. But she brought the two cups
rs ordered. "Nilk aud sugar7" she in
luired, kindly as before.
"No, madam, mustard and red pep
per-" answered Armstrong.
al do believe he is a fool" said the
as she went for the pepper and
Armstrong, with deliberate GOODNESS,
put spoonful of red pepper into the tea
lnd IA spoonful of mustard into the cof-
lee. Then he poured the two together
nto tin cup. Then the old conflict ragged
1gain, and high above the din of rattling
in cups and pewter spoons, sounded the
stern command: ARMSTRONG drink it,
r-drink it down. A momentary
and few desperate gulps and
{ was down. "Oh, yes, " said our hero,
IS his throat burned and the tears ran
Down his eyes, you buck your money
AWAY at three-card monte, do you7"
Now, the Thompsonian dose, above
lescr. bed, very nearly ended the battle
With poor Armstrong. He was silent
or quite time, and everybody else was
ilent. After white the landlord ven
ured to suggest that bed could be
provided if it was desired. NO." said
Armstrong, I'm sleep on the floor.
You see, stranger, said he, eyeing the
andlord with a peculiar express on,
This fool has been squandering gold |
lust at mOnte-three card monte-and |
loes not deserve to sleep in bed"
SO Armstrong ended the days battle |
" going to bed ON the floor. Then |
anne the dreams. He first dreamed that |
Ie was sleeping on the North Pole and |
lis head in the tropics, while all the |
miners in Yuba were ground -sluicing in |
lis stomach. Next he dreamed that he |
Iad swallowed Mount Shasta for supper,
nd that the d mountain had suddenly /
'ecOme an active volcano and was vom-
ting acres and acres of hot lava.
Then the scenes shifted, and he seemed |
D have found his final abode in a place |
{ vile smells and fierce flames, politely
allied the antipodes of heaven. And |
'hiIe he writhed and groaned in sleep
sss agony fork-tail fieud was saying to