Richland beacon., 1888-04-07
WANTED TO oBLldE.

When Col. Sumpter was in New York.
strolling about and seeing what was 70
be seen, he noticed by the side of the
door of a large mansion on Fourth avenue,
right under the bell, the words:
"Please ring the bell for janitor.'
After rejecting few minutes, Col.
Sumpter walked up and gave the bell
such pull that one might have supposed
he was trying to extricate it by the roots
In few minutes the angryfaced man
tore the door open.
care you the janitor'' asked Col.
Sumpter.
Eyes; what no you want"
II saw that notice, Please ring the
bell for janitor,' so I rang the bell for
you, and now want to know why can't
you ring the bell yourself: SJt-
ings.
One dav when the teacher Of kinder
garten was giving the first lesson in geo
graphy, she used ball to illustrate the
shape of the earth. After a careful ex-
PLANTATION she gave the ball 10 q little
boy and said: "Now, Johnny, can you
tell me what is round like a BALI
"Yes'm," said John, delightedly, San
other one. "-Youth's Companion,
MUST HAVE BEEN COLD.
Uncle Ben to Brudder 'Rastus-Rad-
der cold has nj, Brudder 'Rastus!
Brudder 'Rastus Gndignantly)-Well,
now, shud say twas. Anna put two
cumf'ters on de bed, an den l put my
Of coat ON, an wasn't warm 'nuf den, so
/ went over TO Brudder Joe's house an
got his oil obercoa' an putt ION an den !
laid wake best par der night ter see if
Use warm nuf.-N. Y. Sun.
| NOTHING SERIOUS.
Miss Clara Ito Featherly, who is max
ing an evening calD-Poor little Bobby
swallowed a penny to-day, and we've
been 80 much worried about it.
Featherly somewhat at loss for a
word of encouragement)-Oh. would
not worry, Miss Clara; a penny isn't
much.
A TROPICAL cLIsATE.
Perspiring Stranger Ito Policeman
/ say, officer, can you direct me to
clothing store!
Policeman-There is one Just around
the corner.
Perspiring Stranger-Thanks. I'm
Just in from Dakota and want to got
linen buster.
TOO MUCa AT HOME.
In St. Paul shoe store where there
is sign that reads, None but gentle
men employed as clerks. Ladies may
feel perfectly at home when purchasing
goods here, the other day clerk went
to the proprietor and said:
"Don't you think we'd better pull that
sign down."
"What fOr?''
"Because the women read il and sit
down on the floor when trying their
shoes on"
Wife-What is meant, John, by the
phrnse carrying Goals to Newcastle"
Husband-It is a metaphor, my dear,
showing the doing of something that is
unnecessary.
Wife, don't exactly understand;
give me an illustration, a familiar one.
Husband-Well, If WAS to bring you
home book entitled "How to Talk"
that would be carrying Goals to New
castle.
HEARTFELT GRATITUDE.
Attendant at Slide-Im very sorry,
sir: but the last tOboggan was engaged
for the evening al hour ago.
Papa (who has allowed the girls to
drag him out. and has been watching
the sport for the first time)-My friend,
here are my watch and pocketbook.
Take them with the highest expression
of my esteem, and if you ever need a
friend, call on mc.-I'M Bit.
Aunt Chloe-'Mornin', Uncle Rastus.
WITS de mattah wild YAH You'se look
in pow'ful ole dis mOrpin'.
Uncle Rastus-DOes look ole, Chloe.
Well, de fac is l don t'ink ! nebbah
was SO ole in my life befo'. lid Bits.
MODEST REQUEST.
Farmers Daughter-I suppose you
want my father to take you in for the
season!
Tramp-No, miss; if you will kindly
sew a shirt onto this button, that's all l
. ask.
THE LANGUAGE.
Irish Woman Ito Clinaman in street
car)-Shove yersilf feminist the carnor
wild yer blue SHIRT, ond give Teddy a
, chonce to set down, bad cess to yez!
. Chinaman-WOw.
Irish WOman-Can't yez talk English,
yer yaller haythen,
Chinaman-If / couldn't talkee Eng
lish muchee BEETLE old Ilish woman, yep.
l sllootee my glard pothle,-N. Y. SIM
NEW VERSION FOR BOSTON.
Boston Mother (shOcked)-I am sur
prised, Waldo, that you should make
use of such ON expression rs "Let her
20, Gallagher"
= Waldo--What ought say, mamma
permit her to depart, Mr.. Gallagher:
APPROPRIATE.
"Was the deceased man of family
inquired the tombstone agent, as he
made O memorandum Of the design Sc
lected and wrote the inscription in his
order book.
HE had been married three times, ="
} was the reply.
"The motto AT rest would Just fit
thi, blank space below the inscription"
) suggested the agent, differentially.-
, Chicago Tribune