The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1888-04-04
BURDETTE'S HUM0R.
a Funny Mans Slbu and Profitable Ld-
Woe to Young Nan.
1he Jumble of Inspiration-what Inspir-
alton VIII do for Man Girls and
=. Marriage asing a Train
Quaker Parrot Gun,
Copyrighted, 1888 ]


that man deserves all credit for every
thing good that ne does and for all the good
that he is, but that somebody else ia to
blame for all the evil in him. Mr.. Cough
has been criticised for saying-and they
were his last words-"Young man, make
your record clsan." The prophets who
speak comfortably say that the young man
cannot make mis- record clean, when his
father makes bad record before aim, that
society and the evil tendencies Of it, and
something the scientists call his SEN
vironment," write the young mans
Record bad in spite Of him. Oh, my dear
! boy, this is q doctrine too cowardly for
a young man to accept. Ever since Adam
the founder of society and the inventor OF
the first record ever made in this world
= man without an environment" to his
back, made 8 bad record, and then said:
1.-THE woman thou gavest to be with me,
She did it ell: men have always plead the
irresistible force Of Surroundings and Cir
snmstances. The woman was younger than
Adam, she was weaker; many wise men say
she is intellectually the inferior of man !;
. she was a newcomer in the garden,
, to say that il was all your grandmother
fault, and that, being thus led astray
by irhuences and examples which no
man could control O. resist, he shculd not
be held responsible for his disobedience.
And in turn your grandmother laid il onto
the snake, Just as to-day, in the office of
the Sig9, and in Christian homes all over
this land, the evil deeds of men and serY-
ants are laid to the cat. Bat, for all this
do vvor HroH nf No
and served him right. Now, my boy, the
other man may eat forbidden fruit until
!. he founders, and not bite that he swal-
lows is goipg to hurt you. A dose of
Nstrychnine big enough to kill a COW won't
hurt you-f you don't swallow any of it.
When you swear, you do your own
swesring; you can't borrow another
mans tongue to damn becgar with.
When you get drunk, you get drunk. The
Jaw doesn't fine the man who sells the
whisky il fines the man VINO drinks it.
When you steal anything, from pin to
the Broadway road, you do your own
stealing, and-in the case of the pin, at
least, the law holds you responsible for it,
not the man who cosxed you to STEAL nor
yet the citizen who By owning valuable
property which YOU could not buy, there
by tempted you to steal it. You are the
fellow who does all the wickedness that is
wrought by your hands and your lips. 1t
( tires me to hear q man al ways ex
cusing himself, aud citing some
dreadful, wicked Jeroboam which
made him TO sin. Not, IN
deed, that We hold the Jeroboams guilt
less. SIT must needs be that offences come f;
but woe to that man by whom the offence
somethi' But because the milestone and
soft place 10 the sea 10 the proper combi-
nation for the man who helps you TO
stumble, you do not go free. l have no
right 10 turn cross dog into the street,
but If I do, he will bite you if you 60
caDem," which, by Interpretation, is
F'Don't MONKEY with the dog" As
! the dog will not beware of you, do
Nyou beware Of the dog. You may have
noticed on the sacerdotRl garment OF your
instructor, my son, some queer, unsightlY
splashes here and there. Well, put
them on myself. Without the assistance
or by the fault OF any man, did it. And
If there are any more to 60 on before
have ii renovated I am the only fellow
who can put them there. Now you may
go and play and have fun, aud don't let
me ever sgsln hear you say that you would
be the best boy in the world If only all the
others boys were dead.
;. THE TUMBLE OF INSPIRATIONS.
Let me tell you, my son, what the lin
splratOn OF tbs moment" will do for you.
Il Will thrill you to your very soul. 1t will
ms ke your heart beat high and your brain
whirl IN very mselsIrom of eager excite
meni; it will burn and throb with arr eat
tho lights, noble ideas, generous impulses
nightly born of the great occasion. of the
lights, the music the applauding multitude,
until yoU very heart quivers with the life
OF The pe1t-up el0quence that is struggling
to escape. And right there the inspira-
ton OF the moment viii leave you. Right
there the thrilling and the throbblDg and
! the vhirling and the burning and the
vqulYering eloqUence will go on, and keep
going on, but IT won't come out. You will
have all the glowing colors there, and il
you knew how to lay them on the canvas
You could paint picture that would live
In mems hearts for centuries. You have
/ only TO say about thousand words and If
you only say the right ones and say them
IN the proper order they will be craven as
with pen OF iron upon the brain aud soul
OF the nation. You have only eight
notes TO arrange, and the song you
sing will finger with the sunshines
and the flowers bloom. But in all
this orderly arrangement so essential to
success the inspiration of the moment"
plays little or no part. When the ''inspir-
atom Of the moment opens your valves,
all your pentup eloquence comes tum bling
out Ike pied newspaper form falling
NS"A 9AoAio. AuC pcs dfc oil kucIc
garret TO sidewalk, but nobody, not even
tne printer who set them up, can read
them. The inspiration of q moment"
sometimes tells you how to say il, bat only
once Ia century does it tell you what to
say And you are not liable to live hun
dreo years, you know.
GIRLS AND MARRIAGE.
mo girl under twenty" says a wise vo-
man, "hRe any business to think of mar.
risge." Bless you, no. We know that.
AT that age no girl thinks of marriage as q
ears IN love, and marries the dear fellow
3ust because she would cry her eyes out
without him. It is when she is no longer
what you would Just call exactly "girl, ;"
when she is rising thirty eight, aud has cut
ner last new teeth, fuu set, that she begins
TO make business" Of 1t.
STILL, THY ARE STUBBORN THINGS.
Facts, my son." said Old Hyson, "are
dry, hard ard harsh things" Don't
know about that" said the young man,
softly, my engagement to Miss Ethel Is a
TACT, and she's the tenderest, softesk
sweetest, rouldest, daintiest little"
"6hut up!" roared the old man, slamming
the ledger shut with bang that upset the
ink. "Get ont of the Office. You make
me sickl Bahy And you would have
thought 1t had been 1900 years since Old
Hyson had said about the same things to
his father, but 1t was not. 1t was only
about twenty years ago.
CHASING A TRAIN.
When the committee on the smsrtest,