The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1888-11-08
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Items Illustrating the Pleasures of Edito.
rial Life In the Glorious West

rial Life In the Glorious West
A New DEPARTURE.-Ne week we
shall begin the publication of an agri-
cultural department in the Kicker, thus
making a years subscription ten times
as valuable as at present, without i'm
creasing the cost to subscribers. We
have made arrangements with a ten.
der-foot who struck the town without
a cent to take charge of the new de-
| partment. He is sailor by trade, and
| we now have him out in the country
learning the difference between coy
ote and Hubbard squash. He may
make a few blunders on the go-off, as
he sticks to it that potatoes ought to
| grow on trees, and that wheat grows
wrong end to, but he is a hummer and
will get there by and by. Remember,
this department does not increase the
subscription price at all. We are SIM
ply trying to publish a paper worth
one hundred dollars per year for two
| dollars.
CONE AGAIN If there is moro
courteous gentlemen in all the great
| West than Colonel Dubiff we should
| like his address. We referred to the
Colonel the other day as an unhung
thief. 1t was only our way, but he
took exceptions and called at the office
on Tuesday and knocked US down. The
blow was delivered in the most genteel
manner, and was not accompanied
with any verbal utterances to shock
our sensibilities. Neither did the
Colonel gouge our eyes or chew our ears
after we were down. He was cool,
calm and composed, and we freely adj
nit that we got up with an increase of
fifty per cent. in respect for him. Our
nose was skinned, and we knocked an
auction bill into ''pi'' as we fell, but we
have no grudge to satisfy. The Colonel
could do no less, and we are thankful
he did no more. We shall be pleased
to see him again.
Nor DISAPPOINTED Common
Council has awarded the city printing
to the Weekly Tom Cat, as was ex-
peeted, and that dish-rag of sheet is
giving us the grand crow. We are
not disappointed. We put In the lowest
bid, and we have the largest circula-
ton, but the aldermen owed us one.
The Kicker has recorded and exposed
them as forgers, thieves and gamblers,
and they do not think of us with kind
ness. And, too, they were under last
ing obligations to the raw-boned,
knock-kneed, cross-eyed, bow-backed
old hyena who runs the opposition
paper. Had he not been o member Of
the last grand jury every mothers son
of 'em would have gone to prison. We
have no tears to shed, gentlemen. You
are on top just now, but wait few
weeks. We are working up your pedi-
grees, and Billy Pinkerton is coming
this way in October!
LET HIM Go.-J. Y 2. Hopkins, fa-
miliarly known to our citizens as 'sThe
Young Crowbar of the Rockies" called
at the Office yesterday and stopped his
paper, because. as he explained, ''it
had no literary merit. /" We are glad
to be rid of him. He hasn't got brains
enough to appreciate a good thing
when it is held under his nose. No
literary merit! Great Scots. but how
some people are built! We have been
looking over the last three numbers,
and we find that they average three
murders, two hangings, five robberies,
two elopements and two shipwrecks
each, and the testimonials of those
who have been cured of consumption,
gout and rheumatism are not slow
reading by any means. While we are
glad to see Mr.. Hopkins go, we shall
keep an eye on his future movements.
It he has escaped from some Eastern
idiot asylum our people ought to know
| it.
/ THANKS. Our thanks are due Mrs.
General Shift for peck OF beautiful
onions, sent in day or two ago. Also,
to Mrs. Judge Hendricks for six tooth
some sandwiches and dozen pickles.
Also, to Major Hayes for two pounds
of butter and a slice of ham. 1t is gen.
orally known that we board ourselves,
and our friends vie with each other in
loading our table with delicacies. We
| pity the man without friends.
/ P. S.-Subscribers will please ex.
cuse the looks of the Kicker this week
The two pounds of butter mentioned
above got mixed with our ink by acci
dent, causing the latter to run toe
freely. We have added some pulver
lied clay to the lot, and expect the inh
to stiffen up before our next issue
Detroit Free Press.
/ -"Did you see any Quakers in Phil
adelphiaPn was asked of Detroiter
who lately returned from that city.
s'Only one that / was sure Of y s.Did
he thee and thou you?' He did.
He got down off his hack and said: Il
thee don 'tpay me two dollars I'll knock
thy blamed head off, and / paid, AL
though knew the regular fare was
fweIye Ghi1Iinus. Yaf, dorft xuont fr