Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1888-07-28
FUN AT WEDDINGS.
by PROFESSOR DAVID SWING.

wit, humor, the ridiculous, are mad,
up largely of the totally unexpected
Wedding ceremonies are not of q natur,
to permit any element of the uneX
pected. When recently couple D
really accomplished and fine looking
young people came to clergyman'i
house to be married the groom in s
graceful and happy manner handed the
preacher largo envelope which wa.
assumed to contain the county license
The happy pair then took their posi-
ton and waited for the ceremony to
begin. BY kind of accident tho cler
gyman had taken the paper from the
envelope, and while about to repeat the
words, dearly beloved friends, we
have met together in the sight of God
and III the presence of these witnesses, ~
he saw that the license was only q
party-wall contract between other per-
sons than those two on the floor. So
the ceremony ended before It began,
the clergyman stating that although
he hoped that one wall would always
contain the two dear young couple, yet
he would rather have the other form OF
! document. All of the little group
slowed themselves away in the car
riage, drove to the groom's room, found
the right document upon table COW
cred over with papers, and there in
that room the wedding took place.
One Sunday afternoon three persons
came to the paron's-a mother, aged
about 40, beautiful daughter, aged
about Is, and 3 tine-looking man of
about % or -. The clergymans fam
lily came one by one into the parlor,
and the three dmestics crept up into
the ball to sec what gave promise OF
being beautiful wedding. The cler-
gyman said in happy tone: "Ycu
may take your lace there by the sofa
and we will have the wedding" And
| then and there ame a silent scattering
OF the young spectators and of the do
mestlcs, for the groom and the mother
| stepped forward and took the solemn
vows. The parDn was so amazed be
could with difficulty proceed. He did
not dare suggestthat the parties had
become exchanged in the buggy. The
knot had to be tied, but when the
amen was said there was no one to
congratulate the happy pair, for the
clergyman's wilehad gone oil to silence
her giggling daughters, while the SER
wants had gone to their work, Bidgie
saying she would rather peel potatoes
than attend welding like that. The
sighted daughter had been away at
school, the groom had seldom seen
her, and the mother was rather a
handsome and stately parsonage; but
good-looking as the madam was, it was
a Horatian case Of daughter more
beautiful than even her beautiful
mother.
The laugh is sometimes against the
clergyman in these matrimonial ex.
periences. A city pastor confessed to
two sad plumbers on his Part. Very
often at twilight, when it WAS too late
for tramp to be asked to work, the
ioor- bell would ring very gently, as
though touched by the fingers of the
most abiect humility. Jus, as often
would this good doctor find at the door
some man who had often gone to the
lOctor's church, but who had now
reached the depth of misery and must
ask for ten cents for nights lodging.
One evening the good pastor was less
patient than usual, and when there
came in the cleaning the same old
meek tmkle OF the spring bell, the
man of peace went to the door with a
firm step, which savorel more of war
han Of peace. When the opened door
revealed rather bashful and muttcr-
ing man, the clergyman 0aid; Go
long, you are all Il los OF miserable
| nuisances. l have 10 money for such
vagabonds." To Shis volley came the
amazing words: "Why, Doctor, |
came to get .,ou to marry me to Miss
- next week, but | have no further
use for you" Explanations were vain
the couple found clergyman who had
ncG offended the groom.
The same preacher said that while
confessing his sins he might as we'll
pour out one more little tale. A fine
looking, oldish couple were ushered
into his study-room by the second girl.
The good-looking people seemed bash,
full. Both wore gloves. The man had
silk umbrella and was about sixty
years old; the woman looked ten
years younger, and wore bright,
cheerful costume The pastor had al
ways prided himself on his power to
read faces, and so after the visitors had
sat in q modest silence for q few min
utes lie came to their rescue, and broke
the ice for them with these words: 81
suppose you haze come to get married. u
The callers were nearly knocked
down with surprise. At last the mar
said: well, not exactly; we have
hand oy1 1,-;tn g., -