The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1888-03-30
CARL DuNpER.
Some More Queer Thinge He Can't
Make Out.

MAKE OuIs
Maybe it vhas because vhas an
oldt Dutchmans dot l can't make
something's oult, but like to know
how she vhas.
II II haf some snow on der sidewalk
in front OF my house policemans
comes along and says: "Now, you
got dot snow right Off or take sooch
law on you as vhill make your heart
ache! Doan' you know it vhas dan.
gerons und against der law! You'd
better look sharp, oldt mans, or haf
you Where some dogs doan't bite
yon!'
Ii somepody hat vacant lot next
to me, and der snow on dot sidewalk
vhas SO high rs my shoulder, Dopody
cleans him off. Some day When l vhas
looking at ner, q policemans crawl
through dot snow und says: II
like to know who owns dot lot"
tells him it vhas merchant
on Woodward avenue. und dot
snow doan' get of before next Shuly.
"Oh! it vhas q merchant, ell! Vheil.
dot snow vhas all right. 1t loan'
hurt somebody at all, and it vhas fun
to wade through It," 80 in der
house und sot down und try to make
1t oil oudt, but can't do it.
Ono day my poy Shake shtands
oudt door und blows p horn toot!
toot! toot! lie doan' toot more as
fife times When q policeman comes
along und says: "Shtop dot noise or
! cii you scme collar! Der idea OF
blowing dot horn und making all de
people go crazy! Doan' you know it
vhas asin der law to make sooch q
nuisance?' Dot scares Shake so badt
he hides Gown cellar all day, but in
two hours more ash four men nit
wagons comes around my place und
blow toot! toot. toot. until j vhas al
most deaf. 90 oudt und ask dot
policeman to shtop her, but he says
"Doan' you know something's, olt
mans. Dot vhas according to itw,
und can't shtop HIM"
Igoes oop by der Brush farm nnd
buys ME u lot feeity feet front, May
ne l build me q house some day.
When tax-tima comes goes over by
der city hall to pay my taxes. "All
right, Mr. Dundcr," says der man nit
der taX-book. "your tax vhas seexty-
seven dollar" 1t seems like it vhas
ompossible, but l haf to pay her. !
Nhas going avhay, When IL man comes
in und says he owns four hoonered
feet next to me, md how moolh vhas
der taxes9 'Thirtv-tie dollar, und
you Will please forgif medot she vhas
so high" Because haf u lot my
taxes vhas seexty.srven dollar. Be
cause he haf IL piece his taxes vhas
shust half! ] 90 home uud think
aboudt him, uni talk with my wife,
but we can't make her oudt.
Sometimes on Secondary ] hitch oop
der pony und take der oldt womans
und Shake out to Sprngwells to see
my brooder-in-law. Dot pony vbas
blind in one eye und ne llai two ring
bones und two spavins, una he vhas
SO lazy dot he goes jo. jog! jor. AL
der time. We vhls coming home
when n policrmans rushes ouht at us
und says: "Nowyou look oudt! Der
VERY next time you vhas driving so
fast / take you in der Recorders
Court und make your fine fife dollar"
und somebody mt two ho,ses und u
along like lightning und almost runs
my Wntel Oil. look at DOT pOllce- q
mans but he doan' see nothings.
One day more ash Il dozen fellers
NIT carts und wagons comes aroundt
my placeund calls. "Rags! rags ragsm
until my head aches. BY und by I
goes o,,lt i'll front OF my place und
c,lll: Beer! beer! beer" und shust so
queek us some wcasles vhas arrested
und fined tree dollar. und der shu,lec
says to me: "Mr. Dunder. vhas us.
tonished nit you! Ifyoudoan' know
better ash dot ! put you in some
asylum nit der fools! Doan' let dot
happen asain!"
Nhell. like said IN der start, can't
make her all oudt, undt if somepody
can tell me vhas mooch Obliged und
feel tick!ed all oufcr.-Dctroit Free
press.