The Portland daily press., 1888-01-06
Stage mails, &c.
WIT AND WISDOM

A negro man went into lawyers office for the
purpose of instituting divorce SUIT against his
wife Mr. E. proceeded to question MN as
70 his grounds for complaint Noticing that the
mans voice failed him, Mr.. - looked up from
his papers and saw tnat pig LEAFS ~e saT unrce
great deal for your wife Did you love her?"
lore her, sir? Jest analysed hertz
This was more than professional dignity could
Withstand. and Mr.. E laughed until the
negro, offended, carried his case elsewhere.
Dyspepsia In Its worst forms VIII
yield 10 the use of Carter's Little Nerve flhs,
aided by Carter's Little Liver Pills. They not
only relieve present distress but strengthen the
stomach and digestive apparatus.
A priest who was examining confirmation
class in the south Of Ireland asked the question,
"What is the sacrament OF matrlmonyY"
A little girl at the head of the class answered,
.sis a state of torment into which sowls enter to
prepare them for another and better world"
"Bein said the priest, 1.-THE answer for purga
'Put her down." said the curate, 'put her down
to the foot Of the class"
never married and for anything you or know to
the contrary, she may be partectly right"
There are many forms of nervous
debility in men that yield to the use OF Carter's
IRON Pills. Those who are troubled with nervous
weakness, night sweats, ETC., should try them.
Manager Ito new man who took the part Of an
Indian chief IN Wild West drama)-Say, them
wells OF yourn was great They was the hit OF
the piece, You must have lived all your life with
New man-Never saw a Comanche or any other
Manager-where did you git them yells then2,,
New mani used TO drive New YORK mix
route.
fit is a case of cut or bruise, or break, or
sprain, Salvation Oil will settle matters for 20
cents.
A shlpwrecked sailor waiting for a sail is like
business man sitting at home and nursing cough
or cold Get Dr. Bulbs Cough Syrup and be
cured
An instance of the misunderstanding and mis-
use of "big words by the negroes happened I'D a
hotel in Louisville. One day. when tine hobel was
unusually crowded, the waiter who served meals
TO our small party did not appear with MS cus,o
mary bow and smile of welcome After some Decay
he came up hurriedly, with the apologize words
"You mus excuse me- for you know, OF 60 se !
had TO wait on de transoms hrst"-Edltors
Drawer in Harper's Magazine
A SURE test Of greatness is to be used as stan
dard. and when the country doctor or cheap gro
Ger tells the consumer that this or that Flayoring
Extracts better than Bmnetts, we consider 1t a
victory for Burnett's.
"Johnnie when will your sister be down? I'm
getting awfully tired Of waiting"
"She'll be down in ten minutes guess"
"Well, I'm going TO time her. III go and look
at the clock and see how long IL will take her."
"You'd better not"
''Why?9
dad would be mad If it wasn't running"
what do you mean, Johnnie?"
it,
suffered for long time from severe
hacking cough, which was pronounced by skill
full physician to be dangerous and liable to ter
inmate in consumption. was completely cured
by using WIsTAR's BALsAM OF WILD CHERRY.
HENRY A. BEAN, Lawrence, Mass.
THE PRETTY GIRL swEARs OFF.
That I've done wrong my conscience tells;
Bencef0rth, while reason holds her seat,
III give up eating caramels
And neer accept an ice-cream treat.
A kinder spirit win show;
I'll call no girl "spiteful cat"
And when to see the play / go
I'll never wear a high crowned hat.
when in a car this year ride.
And TO the strap am forced TO cling,
The seats all being occupied
Which is not an uncommon thing,
If some one says, "Take this seat, pray.~
won't accept it with frown
or naughty stare, but smiling say,
sT thank you, sir" as sit down.
In brief THIS year III aim TO be
From every petty falling Tree.