The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1888-01-14
THE LIME KILN CLUB.
Important Communication on Free Trade.
The Dusky Sons of the Wabash.

communication:
CHARLoTTETowN, P. E. [.
Brudder Gardner:
My name is Pop-Eye, and [ lib on de con-
fines ob dis city, which has been known for
ober fifty years by de unsaboury name of de
Bog. was readin' in de last published re-
port oh de Lime Kiln club dat ole Nat de
Coursey's application for membership was not
receibed, kaSe he was too far along de high
way OBJ life. When l read dat report to ole
Nat he just said: ''Wal, Use morn 40 and not
eligible, and as de president has asked me to
lecktur on de dark aiges or any udder subject
In which l am in de dark, l must decline for
obvious reasons. Now, Pop, yuse a younger
man, oh brilliant parts, and I'll han de I'M
dertakin' ober to you" Now, Brudder Gard
rer, wild dis yer interducshon. Pm open for
en- engagement to lecktur, and if I'm to be
@ibben de choice Of subjecks, shall seleckt
political economy free trade versus per
6ecl1shun, for dat is de subjeck which can
dilate upon wild de most logical perspicu1ty
and de greatest elokence [ hab record
down heah by de sea on dat most Ebely sub
jock dat would turn any Tammany hall
touter a libed green wild jealousy.
On de great occaShun OBJ de contest OBJ free
trade versus perteckshun in dis yer colony de
Free Trade club, aware OBJ the natural aspira-
tions oh my genius, closed an agreement wild
me as leadah to enlist de support oh de heelers
oh de Bog end oh Ward ID at de polls. When
de sinews OBJ war for de campaign was fur
nished l hired de upper story OBJ de ole tan
merry, laid III a hull brewin OBJ Brighton amber
ale, five pals of white eye, five bar'ls con-
meal six bar'ls CLANS half ton speahed eels
and six dozen shared rabbits, and den de-
pended upon my elokence to do de ress.
When de groceries was laid away and tin
dippah purchased, [ perceeded to interest de
cullud citizens in de great questions OBJ de day.
De fust man l met on de street was Flat, and
SEE: "Heah, you Flat, what you loatin' roun
for? Dey's goin to be lection soon, and ives
goin' to support free trade; dat means free
lunch for free weeks. Flat. you heabe and
toss yo'se'f roun' de highways and byways, de
avenues and main streets OBJ dis yer Bog and
bring in de free and Independent electors into
dis yer tannery, and doan you forget Ralph
Happy, Dave Frosty and Enterprise Brown,
de most experienced repeaters in de ward.
When dey had assembled dere was no ress
for dat tin dippah till I called de meetin' to
order by annOuncin' dat dis was de free
lunch, free sample, and consequently de free
trade party. AS de leadah OBJ dis band OBJ
patriots I ask you to lay aside all yoah per
sonal and domestic affairs for de next free
weeks, and glib your attenshun to de great
questions OBJ de day. When, Brudder Gard
ner J. 'pealed in de most touchin' and pathetic
terms to dat aujience and touched de most
tender cord OBJ deir feelins, ask, was dere
dry frOat in dat meetin'? Echo answers was
dere? Den when [ reached de climacks and
sed, "Sink or swim, lib or die!" and soforth
and soforth dat meetin' was in de most happy
state OBJ unanimity and fellow feelin' known
in de annals OBJ political campaigns In con-
cIusion / sed: "Fellow bog trotters, / will
now glib you de interpretashun of de differ
ence tween free trade and perteckshun, and
/ will do dat by two illstrashuns which am
de most familiar to you. De fust am dat
widout free trade dere is no free lunch; con-
seQuently, free trade am de cause and free
lunch am de effeckt De udder illstrashun
am from de barn doah fowl and de incuba-
tor. Free trade is like de hen dat is sot and
bFiczs out her chickens i'll de material way;
dey grows up; de flesh am firm and de flavor
sweet when it am cooked. Dem chickens am
bro't up under de maxim dat "Moses' mudder
ann de bes nuss fer Moses" Dey goes to de roOst
and when in de mornin' de owner OBJ 'em gets
up deY amt deere. 1t am fustzclass fer de con-
sumner, but it am a mighty poah show fer de
producer. On de udder han Perteckshun am
like de incubator De chickens am forced and
brought out in de wrong time of de yeah, de
flesh am soft and de taste pOah when cooked.
De business am fust-class fer de producer, but
it's mighty poah show fer de consumer.
De arguments all frew was so conclusive
dat cherry one OBJ dat patriot band followed
me to de polls on lection day. But as we wus
about to escercise de privilege of free and in
dependent electors heller from the Perteck-
shun side asked me a conundrum. "Wedder
Is it best to survey do pas or to take per
Specktive view of de matters" l seq dat de
ponds upon de prospeck "Well," seq he "f
you vote fer our candidate we'll set up de
pins fer de next free weeks and frow in a
bar'l OBJ picked pigs feet to restore de equili-
brum at de eand OBJ de show" We decided in
de prospective and rose to de dignity of dis
interested patriots willin' to please de in
terests OBJ de state above de interests of party
and unloose de grasp OBJ de foreign manufac-
turer from de froat OBJ de country.
Now, Brudder Gardner, I'm willin' to &C
cept liberal terms to lecktur afoIe de Lime
Kiln club, wild de proviso dat Pm lowed de
free use OBJ de onion bin in case dare is a re-
lapse oh de chillblains, caused by croSsin' de
straits in ole Kullyluyahs ice boat.
PoP-EYE
The communication was referred to the
committee on agriculture, with power to send
for persons and papers.
A NEW BRANCH.
The following was then read:
TERRE HAUTE, IND.
Brother Gardner, President Lime Kiln Club:
We most respectfully petition the Illus
tr1ouS, distinguished ana honorable supreme
lodge of noble patriarchS over which YOU
have the exalted honor to preside as a reign
ing prince in Paradise hall, and guardian of
the PHILOSOPHERS and destinies of the American
citizens of African descent, that you grant us
q charter to locate a branch here, on the
raging Wabash, we can be part and
parcel of this sublime organization.
Our claim is based on the following facts:
We are "mascots, possess the cabalistic num-
Der of twenty-one-ages same-and have
that amount of 'trade dollars" filled halves"
and punched nickels" in the treasury
Our characters can be vouched for by the
circuit judge, prosecuting attorney" mayor
and the chief of police. We have experts in
all the sciences, adopts in the games, cham
pion banjo pickers, heel and toe artists, chin
scrapers, bicycle riders and base ballists. Our