Morning journal and courier., 1888-07-03
CHIPS.

The members of the lumber tIuzt all chip
in to the treasury. Rjttsburg Chronicle -Tele-
graph.
It is wise candidate who knows his own
face on a campaign banner.-New York
Journal.
Dead beats might learn lesson from the
fly. It never thinks of taking your sugar
and things without issettling on the spot"
for it.-Danville Breeze.
simperson-"Bjones is a fine appearing
fellow, isn't he? He knows how to carry
himself" Dumley-"True enough; but he
does not have much of a load. ."-Boston
Post.
A lucid xplanatien-Teacher( Ito c1ass].-
Gin this stanza what is meant by the line
THE shades of night were falling fasta' -
Bright seholar-"The peopls were pulling
down the blinds. Puck.
a western minister on a recent Sunday
asked those in his congregation who did not
want to go to heaven when they died to
stand up. He was gratifed to find no one
standing but himself.-Yonkers Statesman.
The foreman of large printing house one
morning received the following note from
the wife of one of the men in his employ:
"Plese to eggscuse my husban for not conae
ing to work today. He is ded. Chicago
Ledger.
According to the naturalists wasps remem-
Der the locality of their nests just ninety-sfx
hours. Men who have monkeyed about lo-
calities of this kind have reason to remember
it longer than ninety-six hours.-Yonkers
Statesman.
A gentleman Of this city, who, by the way,
has fad or two, was walking down town
the other day with witty lady, the intimate
and guest of his wife, when he began to re-
vile fseetiously the gait and carriage of her
sex. Given you." said he, 'walk with a
very mechanical step" eyes" she instant
ly replied, CT am going with a crank" DE
troit Free Press.
Old lady-Little boy, do you go to Sunday
school3
Little boy-Yes'm. I go to the Baptist
Sunday school.
Old lady-You are this son of Christian
parents2
Little boy-No. ma'am; they're Baptists,
just the same es I am.-New York Sun.
i'I see by the papers, Mrs. Grimes, that
your son was at the cless dinner the other
evening""
Eyes, and he had most enjoyable time,
Mrs. Noodleboy; the dinner itself we1 excel-
lent, but the postprandiat exercises were es-
pecially interesting."
$50 they had postprandial exercises after
the dinner, cha That must have been nice
much better than speeches; though, to be
sure, speeches, when they are good ones, are
| not 80 bad after dinner; but they can't
Degln 10 come up, N nay mlnQ, TO poStpre1-
! dial exercises. boston Transcript.
weuldn't like TO be a res a1arly ordained
base ball umpire if could help it. I don't
know of any worse fate for the man who
has to hustle for his daily d--nk by the per-
spiration under his collar button than to be
an umpire, unless it is 10 be two umpires
It's pretty hard for any common, every day
| mortal to serve two masters, but when It
comes to two or three Thousand it's tough.
One has SO little time to convince pc ople that
one didn't mean it or didn't say it, and it
becomes tiresome to dodge the hurfying is.
sue pulling forty strokes to the minute. IF a
man is stuck on life, to use a courtship ex-
preston, he might as well be an umpire as
be dead, but of the two evils prefer the lat
ter. When you're dead you have it over
you.-Bill Nye.