Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-03-21
WIT AND HUMoR

WIT AND HUMoR
A popular boarder tale-I will set
tie next week.-Star.
Pulling weeds is not such unpleas-
ant work, particularly when they grow
on a pretty little widows bonnet
Star.
He that blows the Goals in quarrels
he has nothing to do with, has no right
to complain if the sparks fly in his
face.-Franklin.
A cold wave on its way east. froze
a Chicago girls feet, and St. Louis
girls ears, and then the wave died OF
exhaustion.-Ex.
Washington was guilty of just one
joke. He said one day, for instance
that General Gates was one of those
things on hinges that were always
ajar.-Star.
A mathematical genius has figured
that if all the bustles now in use
should be heaped in one great pyra
mid it would be large enough to cover
up Rhode Island completely.-Ex.
Book agent to boy-Sonny, do your
folks pay much attention to things o
literary nature.
Boy-Yes sir; pa does. / saw hin
lift book agent over the fence las
week.-Epoch.
Fogg tells of lisping clergyman
who is in much request at marriage
solemizations in his town. 1t is 81
pleasant, you know, to promise t.
cling to a man "for better or TO
worth. Austin Transcript.
Utah is knocking loudly for admis
sion into the Union. Nothing shoul'
avail except ticket inscribed as wa
Artemus Wards free passes to hi
lecture on the Mormons "Admi
bearer and one wife. Texas Siftings
Sick man to wife-If | should di,
dear, would you marry again ?"
Wife, sobbing-Oh, / think moi
John; but your life is insured 70
$4,000, you know, and no doubt
should have very strong pressure t
resist.-Epoch.
George" asked a teacher of
Sunday school class, whom, abov
all others shall you wish to see whel
you get to heaven ?" With fac
Frightening up with anticipation tn
little fellow shouted, "Gerliah ~
Boston Christian Register.
A little city maiden, on visit t
her uncle's farm, saw threshing ma
chine in operation for the first tim,
"Oh, mamma" she cried, rushing il
to the house, all out of breath, "ther
is something out in Uncle Joe's bar
with two horses in it, and they kee
going, and never get anywhere ~
Elk.
Citizen-Yes, | want man. Hav
you reference?
Pat-A reference, sor?
Yes; a character.
have no character, sor. | ha
one once, but ] lost it.
Lost it When?
When | ran for office, sor.-Phila
delphia Call.
Omaha dude [anxiously]-Why
how thin you look p
Married daughter-"Thin ! Why
| thought / was gaining in weight"
Nonsense. You are getting q
thin as a rail-"
"It's very queer. My husban
can't hold me on his lap half as Ion
as he used to because I've got S
heavy."-Omaha World.
In an Irish theater, when they wei
playing Hamlet" the gallery chaffe
the Prince of Denmark unmercifull,
especially in the scene with the Ghos
At last Hamlet stepped forward an
addressing the gallery, said: Loo
here, me byes, if yez don't stop yt
coddin', me an the Ghost will go u
there an bate the devil out o. I'll
lot O ez."-Philadelphia Times.
During the recent eclipse Of I'll
moon, some colored people living nes
Smithville, Ga, became frightene
and ran screaming from their hous,
to field near by, where they pro-
trated themselves and began praying
thinking the day of judgment was 1
hand. The lamentations were maxim