The Evening post. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1888-1889, 1888-12-11
A WOMAN ON HAIRplNs.
A Tale Of the Unreckoned Sources of In
vention in an Undcrvalued Sex.
From The ". y. Gtdpblc.

vention in an Undcrvalued Sex. .
From, The ". y. granite.
"What | want when am cast away on
a desert island" said Andramache, as
she took a hairpin out OF her head, and
bending It into u hook, flshed her ring
out of the drain pipe with It, "is a whole
package of hairpins IL ever n woman
writes q Robinson Crusoe story, she will
have heroine instead of hero, and she
will give her hairpins to build her little
cottage with and TO make wire mattresses
and bustles and broilers and what not
with. and she will execute feats of inge.
nuity that will leave the Schomberg-
Gotta family out of sight.
"Of course, in the order Of nature, )"
Andramache went on, Strengthening out
the small, but adaptable implement in
her hand and returning it to her French
twist; sol, course, she ought to have the
back of hairbrush to drive and bend
her pins with, but if that would be max.
ing her too much at home on the desert
island, l dare say she could learn TO
make stone do. You think I'm ex.
aggerating the virtues Of the little busy
hairpin, don't you That's your igno.
rance. If you'd wear 'em- awhile you'd
learn to button your boots and gloves
with them, and pin back your curtains
with them, and make hooks of them TO
hang your bric-a-brac on, and use them
to clean your nails with, and TO mend
your umbrella, and to file your papers on,
and to pick nuts with, all just as a mat
ter of course.
mo, | didn't say take them out Of
your hair to pick nuts with, you hateful,
mean thing. OF course, you go and get
new ones, virgin hairpins, out of the
packages for that, and they are the best
nut-pickers going, too. But these are not
half what you can do with them. II is
at boarding school we first find out their
true value That Is one of the best re-
suits of the modern system of education
as far as is seen.
A"You see that curious little spoon made
out Of a shell up there in that little cabi-
| net? You thought ii was some sort of q
South Sea Island curiosity, or came from
! Madagascar or the Pueblo Indians, or
something like that, didn't You? Well,
1t isn't. II was produced by just the un-
assisted genius and labor of an every
day American boarding-school girl. She
wanted to give secret midnight spread
in her rooms and she couldn't get hold
of spoons to eat the jam WITH so she Just
turned to and fitted lot of little shells
with hairpin handles and then wound
them--the handles-with ribbon, and
they were not only pretty, but useful-a
great improvement on eating jam with
nail-brush handles, as we did before
that.
"That girl was the belle of the school
until another girl picked the pantry lock
with hairpin, and we gave the teachers
the biggest kind of burglar scare.
| What they were most afraid of was that
the girl who picked the lock would leave
the school, because she was so dreadfully
| frightened to stay where such things
happened. The last feat / saw one of
my sex perform with hairpin was a
high, heroic deed, My sister-in-law last
week found that her 3year-old son and
heir had climbed out of the third story
window, and was prancing around on the
| edge of the back roof; her heart was in
her mouth; she did not dare to call him
or go to him, for fear that would startle
him and make him tumble; he was
squatting by the tin gutter, carefully ex-
aiming its contents.
"What did she do? Why, she had
hairpins, didn't she +? She wasn't hope
less, helpless, resourceless man, with
seventeen pockets and not pin of any
kind on his whole person. She just chose
the biggest, sharpest- pointed hairpin she
had, bent 1t into hook, wired 1t into n
broom handle with the help of another,
and, in less time than you can think,
hooked that young man by the belt from
behind and hauled him in. You don t
half believe it? Why, what else would
she have done, pray, Master Imperti-
nence You come with me, and I'll
prove it to you by showing you both the
| boy and the BROOM