The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1888-03-15


ton. Then think of the inestimablt
boon l should confer on the whole
race of distinguished people by free
ing them from the insufferable yoke o.
the mediocre and obscurei 1t was {
noble cause, and fairly glowed with
the enthusiasm of the man who has
discovered an entirely new field fol
the spirit of justice and self-sacrifice.
My resolution was taken, but how
was it to be carried out? l debated
various plans. might make prac.
tice of returning the albums without
the expected autograph 1t was
pleasant to picture the disappointment
and disgust of the despot as he opened
his book and found blank page. But
that was not enough. l yearned for a
more intense form of irritation. 1t was
not bad idea to announce in the
newspaper that 1 would not be re-
sponsible for the return of albums, and
that l intended to devote the postage
stamps sent with them to a fund for
the benefit of some asylum for idiots.
On consideration L rejected this prof.
ect because it was too general.
wanted to strike blow that would be
felt individually rather than collect
lively, to bring home to every auto
graph fiend the sense of his special,
personal inquiry. At last had the
happiest thought of all Why not
write scathing and contemptuous quo
tations in every book? Nobody could
accuse me of deliberate libel, for l
might say that the quotation was one
of my favorite passages. For instance,
if Iwrote: Yours with all good wishes,
Hubert FitzphOsphorus," and under
meath: ga halter gratis" the re-
sponsibility would be quite as much
dressed lady thus: MAY bloom
and beauty rest with you alwaysr
and added this pleasant ambiguity:
Let her paint an inch thick" l
should sting without exposing myself
to the charge of open outrage. The
more l considered this idea, the more
l chuckled. l was going to have
horrid revenge, and yet enjoy the Sc
curity of inverted commas.
The great plan was put into execu-
ton without delay. l attacked a
mountain of albums. and poured into
the enemy crushing fire of vicarious
sarcasm and invective. The ranks of
the inquiSitors and prosecutors reeled
before me. felt was wiping out a
hundred wrongs as took curse from
Shakespeare and dropped it into a
volume in which the autographs of
many victims seemed to groan for
vengeance. 1t was ecstasy to write:
"These tedious old fools" in the
book of a man who said he had been
collecting valuable signatures for
many years. l spared neither age nor
sex. ''Frailty, thy name is woman"
was my contribution to the album of
a lady who, as 1 afterward learned,
was the pious founder of church and |
two hospitals; and friend described |
to me with much relish the sensation |
created in an ultra-Protestant family
when the daughter of the house re-
ceived from me the injunction: "Get
thee to nunnery."
pursued the campaign with una
bated ardOr and enjoyment until one
fatal day when an entirely unforeseen
conjunction of events completely
turned the tables. l had been visiting
for some time at the house of wealthy
citizen whose fortune had been made
either by his father or himself in
brewery. Mr.. Tankerdale had retired
from business long before l knew him,
and the origin of his wealth was never
mentioned in his household He had
a daughter who took much interest in
my eminence. and whose attractions
began to make me frequent guest.
She was fine girl, with rather high
color, which she subdued with those
subtle articles so dear to the hearts of
women. All, Helena, if you should
ever read this confession you may be
convinced at last that only wretch
ed mischance, and not a malignant
purpose, made me appear before you as
he slanderer of your charms!
l had dined with the Tankerdales
me evening, and the conversation
urned upon handwriting.
Yours must be n pretty stiff hand
or painting, Fitzphosphorus," said '
Cankerdale. Rather suggest spider S
With St. Vitus' dance. Now mine is a t
OILY round hand anybody can read at S
light. " 1
- As round as your balance at the I
'ank," said Mr.. Cudgell, who was a
istant relative of the Tankerdales.
lot attracted by eminence as distinct
rom dollars. f
" As round as your barrels at the t
rewery," said 1, but not aloud. 7
Papa doesn't think much about the i
haracter of handwriting, said Hell C
ma, sweetly. "To me, Mr.. Fitzphos- e
'horous, your hand is quite clear and v
ull of meaning S
THAT is because it writes the die @
ates of the heart" l said. tenderly, In fl
er ear Unfortunately the effect of il
his speech was to heighten her color. o
'hich was already rather strong. But N
h Helena, knew it was natural! C,
" When was young" piped an old b
ady at the other end of the table. Il
girls used to write 4 lady-like hand, n
ut now they try to scribble like men. IL
call it forward, 1 do. There's Hell Q
IA, whose writing is that bold that it W
ways makes me blush I'll