Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-11-21
WIT AND HUMoR

The place for vocalists-Sing Sinl
-Ex.
Mr.. Fervor-Now give me a swee
kiss, darling!
Miss Candor-Were not my othe
kisses sweet i"-The Idea.
Miss Gay-I am going to appear il
a new role this evening.
Mr.. Chowder-Ah, indeed Didn'
know you were an actress.
Miss Gay-Keep your wits abou
you, sir. l am going to make my de
but in a skating rink,-Boston Budg
ct.
Brannigan was injured in a railway
accident, and received from the com
pany life pass over the road in set
tlement for damages. "Be gob," sale
he, "it's lucky thing Oi wasn't kill
ed 4; for if Oi had been, Old have
niver saved all this money in fares.
Puck.
Elderly bride (to young husband
Darling, when l begin to grow ole
and plain, will you worship me as pas.
sionately as you do now?
Young husband-Ah, dear, can you
doubt me' DO you imagine for a
moment that my love for you is SC
short-lived i-Harper's Bazaar.
"You may bring me some satanized
crustaceans," said Miss Boston to the
waiter.
"Mam !" gasped the astonished
menial.
"Don't you understand me l want
deviled crabs"
90, yes'ml Bring 'em right away"
The Idea.
"You should bear in mind" said
the kind hearted visitor. consolingly,
"that your loss is his gain"
81 dol do" replied the bereaved
cousin addressed, as he shook his head
mournfully, 81 cannot forget it. He
had given his note for $75 due next
week, and am the rity."-Chi-
cago Tribune.
Magistrates this your first Of
fense!
Darky-Yes, yo' honor, dis am de
fust time Use ebber rested, deed It's.
Magistrate-Ten dollars fine. I'll
let you of light.
Darky (earnestly)-Dat's too much
yo' honah, deed 'tis. swars | neb-
ber paid mon five dollars befor.-N.
Y. Times.
Stretchit was telling Gawley about
an alligator he saw in Florida. "That
alligator measured sixty-three feet and
five inches from the end of his nose to
the tip of his tail. What do you
think that, Gawley? An alligator
sixty-three feet and FIVE inches long.
Doesn't that astonish you ?"
NO." said Gawley, quietly, I'm
liar myself"
"Are check fashionable now ?" ask.
ed highly dressed dude of his tailor
as he looked over his goods.
II don't believe they are, sir" was
the reply. "for l haven't seen any
around lately"
He looked so hard at the young
man when he said it that it caused an
absence in the shop very rapidly
Merchant Traveller.
Stranger (to rather seedy looking
old German)-I would like to see the
proprietor of this establishment.
Old maxwell, sir, l vos dot pro-
prietor.
Stranger (dubiously)-You don't
tell me so?
Old man-Ya, dot vos so. Dye
think those tam fool clerks nit dere
cigarette smoking vas dere boss of dis
place THE Epoch.
A lady who has been abroad was
describing some of the sights of the
trip.
"But what pleased me as much as
she continued, "was the
wonderful clock at Strasburg."
"Oh, how should love to see it,"
gushed a pretty young woman in pink.
II am so interested in such things.
And did you see the celebrated watch
on the Rhine, too i"-Drake's Maga.
zine.
Mrs. B.-A distinguished author
that it is greater compli-
ment to be trusted than to be loved.
Does not that seem oddi
Mr.. B.-Not odd at all. !
Why, what could be a greater com
pliment than to be loved
To be trusted just as the author
says. am loved, am 1 not?
OF course you are.
But | can't get trust al the grocery
stores s-Philadelnhia Call