Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1888-02-09
WIT AND UUMOR.

of overwork: ..He wanted the earth,
but the earth got him. PUCK
1t is difficult for drinking man to
hold his breath; il is generally too
strong for him.-Teras STfiRgs.
A good American wine needs no
bush. All that is required is popu-
lar foreign label.-LotceH Courier.
Shakespeare was not broker; but
does any one know who else has fur
nished so many stock quotations?-
Scranton Truth.
The ballet girls have brought suits
against the National Opera Company.
Certainly, the ballet girls ought to
have suits.-LOS0eU Courier.
1t is no credit to say of man that
he is regular as clock. To some it
might imply that he moved through
life on tick. ck.-PhilddelphiG Herald.
The man who goes out in the coun-
try to get drink from the ''old oaken
bucket" should carry a strainer along.
There are wrigglers in the well.-De-
troit Free Press.
Old lady Gn drug store, to small
boy)-What am | TO take this medi-
cine in, sonny? Sonny-Take it in
your mouth, mum. faint to be rubbed
on. "-New York San.
Fogg says he quite lost his breath
the other day upon hearing a young
lady in the horse car remark that ''the
limb of mutton sleeve is again coming
into fashion. Boston Transcript.
In primary school = ''Victor,"
asked the teacher, "what animal
shows the greatest attachment to
MANI" Victor thinks a moment and
then replies: The leech, sir. =
Judge.
'tDoes Grimes drinkP" inquired
Smithers. Nothing Intoxicating" re-
sponded Thompson. ''How does that
Gomez" ''Why, the boys have got
tired buying it for him, guess. -
Pittsburg Dispatch.
A Scotchwoman, who has been WIS.,
that the Boston woman admires moth
ing she understands, while the New
York woman understands nothing she
admires. g. WOnldn's Journal.
"Swimp Not bit, stranger, but l
retISon if ye'd drap me down in ther
middle of this hyT river I'd reach
land 'thout much diffikelty." "Why,
how SOP" "Waal, | carcalate I'd go
right to the bottom. "-Harper's Bazar.
'What in thunder did you put in
that glass of soda?" he gasped.
whisky" replied the clerk. "You
winked." II winked? My young
friend, one of my eyes is made of glass.
Pm temperance apostle. ."-Nea0 York
Sun.
.'Ah! l beg pardon, but your name
is Gray?" he said as he met man
coming out of the postoffice. mo,
sir-no, sir-my name is not Gray.
"O-ah-isn't ehp Then / beg your
pardon for begging your pardon. -
Detroit Free Press.
If you ever noticed . woman "rum-
imaging," you must have been aston
ished at the number and variety of az.
ticles she can put into her mouth. As
receptacle, nothing compares with il
except the pocket OF a small boy
Burlington Free Press.
A bottle was picked up on the New
Jersey coast the other day which con
tanned this sad message: ''Six mile:
from shore. John insists upon kiss
We cannot float many minutes longer
Farewell to the world John insists
upon another. A last farewell.
'.How much calomel did you sell tC
that man for a quarter? asked tht
druggist of his clerk. Gone drachm,
he replied. mercy, you'll compel mt
to make an assignment at that rate
Don't you know that stuff costs us Al
cents pound ?"-DetroH Free Press.
Probably there are not ten men ii
Boston who can name the satellites o
Saturn. But then probably there ar
not ten residents of Saturn who cal
name the suburbs of Boston. AL
things come out pretty even, after all
at the end of the century.-SonerUttt
journal.
"My DEAR" said very sick hus
band, ''if die will you see that M
grave is kept greenp" Eyes, John,
was the sobbing reply. "You kno'
how gladly / would do as much TO
you," he said. Then the lady drie,
her tears and the sick man got well.-
New York San.
! An Eastern Texas paper remark
: that it does not feel called upon to al
: swer every Kissing reptile that ''craw
his slime across our pathway" Thi
was in answer to an esteemed conten
porary which has called him ''sla|
sided, razor-backed, lopped-eared, sa.
: bellied, corned-toed wolf-whelp.
) II hold" said the divinity studel
: in the woods at Catskill, Il hold TIL;
: we extract more that is benefici
& from nature than from books and
''Well,p said his fair companion, ''yc
! can keep on holding, but my feet al
wet, and Tn going back to the hotel
--Ne,o York Mail and Express.
as your pa going to take you to Il
picnic, Sadiea "No; pas sick
s'What's the matter with him?" "(
: he's sneezing all the time, and his ey
. keep watering" ''Then he must ha'
!. hay-feverp" 'sNo; pa works for wage
o he doesn't get salary; he can't affol
n to have hay-fever, SO he's only sick
+ Professor in Physics explaining
complicated machine to the student
Please observe that the slender n
passes over to the second or small
q uhaal atr while this TturninO yiUo