Bismarck weekly tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1943, 1888-04-13
She Tells How She Made a Record for
Him With the w. G. T. U.
and G.. A. r.
He Longs to Float in the Social "Wild-
erness of Snowy Arms
and Necks,"
But His Dreams Are Blasted by a
Wife's Staid Devotion to the
"High-Necked Silk"
Zezula's Letter.


to come to congress to record my expert
ence in that line. OF course, 1 haven't
been congressman myself, but have
been the private secretary OF a congress
sional cOusin-not cousin by adoption,
but real flesh and blood relation who has
the unhappiness to be congressman. We
were playmates in childhood, but while
my path in life had led through winding
ways, his had run straight up the hill of
prosperity till it eliminated in the iftieth
congress. How happy was to find him
here, and how proud was when he made
his maiden speech. I ransacked the con-
gressional library and the bureau of sta
tistics for material for the same, and 1
went and sat in the speakers gallery in all
the awful misery Of 'full dress" and led
the applause and shed happy tears over
his success. But the happiness did not
last. His hopes of being statesman were
destroyed when he found out he was SIM
ply an Office broker. Instead of making
laws he was expected to provide places for
constituents, and the fact that they existed
in the ratio of one place for every fifty ex-
pectant constituents filled his soul with
gloom. His dreams of social happiness
were blasted, too. He attended swell re-
ceptions every night and saw around him
a wilderness Of snowy arms and necks-a
sea of female loveliness in which he
lOnged to float about, but his wife gripped
him firmly by the arm and kept him fast
anchored to her party of staid matrOns in
Ia ,srh,, 1-pl 1>1o csI %1
terrapin and champagne at unchristian
hours, and escorted his wife's party home
at 2 o'clock in the morning-and excused
himself for five minutes to get a glass of
apollinaris water and came back at day
break full-full of remorse and apollo
gies-snatched little sleep, and went
down to breakfast with no appetite and a
bad taste in his mouth. Then he rushed
off to the departments to look after the
cases of his clients beg pardon, constitu-
ents-and argued, coaxed and scolded by
turns to gain claims for the people who,
because of having voted for him, felt that
they. had gratuitous right to his legal
services. At noon he hurried to the capi-
catch the speakers eye and to make him.
self heard in behalf of the private bills of
his devoted constituents, running out
meantime some score OF times to the ladies'
reception room in response to the cards
brought in by pages, to listen to the APP
peals of the pitiful crowd Of women, young
and old, who throng there every day to ask
fav0rs OF the members, dodging half a
dozen male delegations on the way who
+ want Improvement for some river. division
for some territory, or legislation for some
monopoly. When congress adjourned he
by the Office seekers, who lay in wait like
highwaymen, demanding an office,
or the loan Of SIS far a few days. My duty
as private secretary was to take charge of
his correspondence which averaged fifty
letters per day, and soon reduced it to a
system. First of all l took out the pretty
little perfumed notes that smelied Of hell
OtrOpe and religiOusly handed them over
to his wife, Then sorted out all the good
honest farmer letters asking for seeds
from the agricultural department and I
Went in person TO that unique barn of Uncle
Sam's and had the seedy folks up there fill
their orders SO generously that the clerks
gr0aned audibly when they saw me com
ing. That made him solid with the farm
ers. Then took all the old soldier letters
and the cases of those men who wanted
pensions and bounty and war claims and
invoked the aid Of the WOman's Relief
corps and all the other influences could
drum up and had them allowed in no time.
That made him all right with the G. A. r.
Then / looked over the applications for
Office and every time found a plea from a
soldiers widow or pOOt young girl or de-
pendent mother ! got her q position or
strong, hulking politicians who wrote
claiming the Offices rs their lawful per-
quisites for political services, they never
got anything but good advice My honor
able cousin was always too busy to read the