davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24
YARNLeTs RARE.

KEATE was great teacher and ruler.
He was also tremendous fiogger On
one occasion, SO the story goes, he ad-
dressed the boys upon the Sixth Beatitude,
and the substance of his comment has come
down to us: "'Blessei are the pure in
heart Mind that rs your duty to be
pure in beart. If you'rp not pure in heart,
I'll fog your'
A PRETTY woman In society once COM
plimented Balzac on his subtle asquaint-
ance with women. "Yes," he said, smil-
ing 81 know them so st by just looking
at one moment, CAM fell her whole his
tory from the day she was born. Shall
tell you yours, madapei'' "Oh, not out
loudP was the frightened madcap's an
swer, and every body aad laugh at her
expense.
A PEER who had always ordered his coats
through his valet, stepped into his tailor's
on Piccadilly to order one himself. When
he gave the address, the tailor, supposinR
packet into his hand, with Here's your
commission, and it's your own fault if you
don't earn more Just you take this brush
and give the old mans clothes good wipe
down with it every morning. He doesn't
wear half as many coats as he should" II
was q steel-wire brush. The peer took the
money and his custom with him.
AN old laird in Banffshire, who was not a
teetotaller, but who had Constitution
suited to the conviviality of the times." and
preferred whisky to water, lay on his
death-bed. The doctor who was in attend
1hce pronounced his disease to be water
In the chest. This fairly astonished the old
man. His exclamation was: waiter in
my kistl Waiter in my kisti Fut wye cuu
thai BET ! haens drunk drap OF this
thirty year!''
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24
Their Only Medicine Chest.
DEERLoDGE, MONTANA, Dec, l6,

DEERLODGE, MONTANA. Dec. 49, 1855.
have been using BRANDRETH's PILLS
for the last thirteen years, and though
have had nine children, have never had o
doctor in the house, except three times,
when we had an epidemic of scarlet fever,
which we soon banished by vigorous use
of BRANDRETH's Pulls. l have used them
for myself, two or three q night for q
month, for liver complaint, dyspepsia and
constipation. In diarrh9a, cramps, wind
collie, indigestion, one or two BRAyDRETH's
PILLS fixed the children at once. A box OF
Pills is all the medicine chest we require
In the house. We use them for rheumatism,
colds, catarrh, biliousness and impure
blood. They never have failed to cure all the
above complaints in a very few days.
WILLIAM W. b. MILLER.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24
HOPEFUL INvALlDS.
Tho Eject of Different Ailments ON the
Disposition.

Disposition.
A gentleman, not physician, who
has made observations on sick people
and the effect Of different ailments on
the disposition, INDUCED in this ex-
PLANTATION to me: "You can set it
down almost as certainty that any
person with lung trouble is always
going to get WE'LL Any person with
heart trouble is continually not going
to last long The man with one lung
gone and the other affected, with every
one of his friends fully convinced that
he can not live six months, will tell
his physician and his wife that he
knows that he will get well, and with
Mis- hopeful spirit he will spend all he
has and borrow more to travel in diff
ferent climates, and finally come home
to breathe his last. The man with
heart ailments Of any kind has no
heart left He mopes. He has no
hopes and very little ambition. He is
not dangerously affected. His physi-
clans tell him to go on with his work,
not get over excited, and he will live
to play with his grandchildren. He
looks well enough, and those who see
him idle call him lazy. He is more to
be pitied than the consumptive. for he
may live a good lifetime and yet in his
mind and feelings he is not bold enough
to count on a year. Since hearing this
analysis of ailments have made an
observation myself. A young man
with Bright's disease has been told by
the best physicians that he can not
recover. At the consultation they told
him that his ''age was in his favor. !"
He has forgotten every thing else they
said. He keeps on in business, though
he is not able TO get to his Office more
than two hours day. When asked
about his prospects of recovery he
says: 20, I'll be all right again.
The doctors say my age will help me
out. If it were not for my bad feelings
am as well as ever was!' He will
suffer every thing but death one min
ute, and the next he will be telling his
people funny stories or playing on the
piano. In the classification above
made this young man and his disease
belongs with the consumptives, where
there is all hope until the death. = Cx!-
ca0o JoHvnai.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24
FARM AND FlREsIoE.

Before manures can produce their
full and profitable effect upon the soil,
the land must be made dry by drain
age or other means. - 49, -
The foolish farmer plants his crops
by zodiacal signs; the wise farmer.
plants his when the weather is suitable
and the ground is in good condition,
AS rule those crops pay best that
require the most care and attention.
The brains and the labor are what sell
in the markets in the shape of the crop.
"A horseman of fexperience says that
the use of lard between the hair and
the hoof is an excellent remedy for
quarter cracks or other imperfections
in the hoof
"A piece Of pumice stone as large
as ones fist soaked in coal oil and
wired to pole makes a good torch for
burning insect webs out of fruit trees.
A piece of soft brick may be used if
pumice stone is not at hand.
Egg Cakes: Three well-beaten
eggs poured over one pint of fresh
bread crumbs. Season with pepper
and salt. Mix well but do not mash
the bread; drop carefully in spoonfuls
in hot lard and fry.
If the currant bushes have failed
to bear well, trim up well and then
stir the soil well around them and ap-
ply good dressing of manure. By
securing a strong vigorous growth of a
few good sprouts, fair supply OF fruit
may be secured. Western PloUnadn.
An Arab rule for selecting good
horse is to measure him from the tip OF
the nose to the top of the withers, aud
from the latter point to the root of the
tail. The longer the first measurement
is in proportion to the latter the better
| the horse.
The cutting-box saves waste of
food. All food should be cut, which
better enables the farmer to mix it with
| ground grain, and thereby rendering it
more palatable. All provender fed in
this uncut condition is subject to loss.
| Much of it is thrown on the floor and
trampled, while portions will be un-
eaten. The saving of food will more
than pay for the labor of cutting it.
.-Stewed Mushrooms Put into a
stew-pan quart of cleaned niush-
rooms, 2 tablespoonfuls of butter, l ta-
blespoonful of salt, one-third of tea
spoonful of pepper and tablespoonful
] of flour mixed with half a cupful of
cold water. Cover the stewpan and
boil gently for five minutes, stirring
| frequently. Serve very hot. Some
think the dish will be improved if they
add a teaspoonful of lemon juice just
before removing the mushrooms from
the fire. Stock may be used in place
| of the half cupful of water and will
produce better flavor.
| "A Tea Dish: Peel and slice tart
cooking apples, and stew with the
smallest amount of water possible. to
keep from burning. Put through a
| collander, sweeten, and flavor with
lemon. Put i'm the center of glass
dish when cold. Make boiled Gus
tard of a pint of milk, yelks of four
eggs and white of one; sugar to sweeten
and lemon flavoring. When cold pour
over the apple. The whites of eggs
beat to a stiff froth, add a tablespoon
full of powdered sugar and pile roughly
over the top of the custard. Serve as
soon as possible.-Rurat Ne,o Yorker
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24
HANDKERCHlEF TALK.
Explanations Which May Help the inex-
pertcnced Over Hard Places.

Explanations Which May Help the Inex-
pcricnced Over Hard Places.
When the fat man ties his around his
neck 1t signifies that the weather is
warm and he has new collar on.
When the pretty girl suddenly makes
a grab for her handkerchief and clasps
it to her mouth, it means that she
wants to sneeze.
When the whiting fiend binds his
around one OF his fingers, it signifies
that his knife has slipped.
When a girl drops hers in the street
when there is no dude in sight, it de-
notes that she has been carrying too
many articles in her hands.
When man comes out of a side en-
trance on Sunday wiping his mouth
with his handkerchief. it is a sure sign
that he has been spending money.
When fash youth takes gentle
mans handkerchief out of his pocket
in a crowd, it signifies that he will
never see it again.
When the young widow carries a
handkerchief with very heavy black
border, it is safe to bet that she will
remarry before the year is out.
When lady and a gentleman are to-
getber and the lady takes his handker-
chief out of his pocket and uses it,
there can be no doubt that they are
married.
When man buys any of those three
cent handlkerchiefs from the street ped
dlers it means that he is stuck.
The old colored lady carries her
handkerchief tied around her head.
The dudes silk handkerchief is al
ways worn so that the corner sticks
out.
When man suddenly feels a heavy
cold coming on. it means that that is
just the very time he left his handker.
chief at home.
When man bets box of handker-
chiefs with lady and happens to get
them. it signifies that he is very
lucky man.
When n strange man wakes you up
in the middle of the night and pokes
his handkerchief down your throat,
it is sign that he is robbing your
house.
When woman carries her handker-
chief in her hand she does not always
wish to cry or fiirt, but probably has no
pocket in her dress.
When an actress displays a lace hand
kerchief on the stage, it is sure sign
that she is portraying the part of the
queen.
When the street Arab grabs at your
pocket and makes you believe he has
stolen your handkerchief, il signifies
that it is April fools day and that you
are the fool.
When you see a man rush down from
the top floor of a fat in hurry to reach
his office and then suddenly put his
hand in his pocket aud run upstairs
again, you may bet your pile fhat he
has forgotten his andkerchief. Judge.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24
PUNoENT PARAGRAPHS.

"A promissory note is one OF those
things that will mature just as well
without being hung out in the sunshine.
Duluth Photographer.
!, -Husband-.I think we had better
giveup our pew in the church for while
my love-" Wife-ssWhy?" Husband
81 am going in the coal business and
hate hypocrisy. ."-Binghamtos Repub-
lican.
The wearing OF tights is said to be
injurious to health, and still any one
who takes even a casual look at the
"girls" in the spectacular show can
see that the practice doesn't shorten
ife.-SomerUitt Journal.
AT the police court; the Judge
Questioning witness-"Your name?"
Josephus Horther." "Your age?"
<'Forty-three.' your profession?"
dramatic author" THAT is not a
profession; it is disease. - Truth.
"A man who was struck by a two
inch stream from fire engine the other
day has prepared a bill for the Legisla-
t,re, requiring all fire companies to con-
fine themselves to the use OF soft water.
darlington Free Press.
"A Georgia negro had just paid the
last dollar on a mule he bought, when
suddenly the creature died. leaving
him a financial wreck. Being condoled
with, he replied, "Well, his time come
ter go, sab, an radder him dan me. :"
IL confess that am not Indifferent
to you," she said with an. assumption
of shyness, "but I am afraid that my
papa will think l am not vet of proper
ago TO marry" Nonsense" he
argued, passionately. ''rve known
women sixty and seventy years old to
marry. Time.
When freight agent tells you
shat your trunk is waxing shaky, and
needs strap, ask him If he has any
straps for sale. II he says he has, you
may rest assured your trunk is all
right and doesn't require one any more
than country dentist needs diploma.
Puck.
when are you going to make me
that promised visit, Marion? Soon,
hope?" ~ am afraid not, dear. in
vited a hired girl to come and stay
with me last week, and shall have TO
stay at home and sec that she has
everything to make her comfortable y
Judge.
10, john" said Mrs. Bjones, 81
have just found the most beautiful re-
ceipt for currant jelly" "Well, wish
you'd find a receipt for your dress
makers bills" 20, no, John dear
That is not necessary. always have
Mime. Brunetti make my dressmaker' 6
bills for me. "-Harper's Bazar.
"A popular Clergyman was greatly
bored by lady who admired him with
out reserve. 20. my dear Mr.. X
said she, one Sunday afternoon, ''there
isn't any harm in one loving ones pas
tor, is there?" Certainly not, ma
dame, replied the worthy cleric, mot
the least in the world, so long as the
feeling is not rcciprocatcd.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24
yorltable Gardens or Easn

Are some of those fertile and picturesque
regions of the south and southwest where
malaria is most prevalent. stter's
Stomach Bitters is the truo spc, 1 pre-
ventive, and renders residence in malaria
stricken localities safo to those who use it
as a safeguard. Disorders of the stomach,
liver, bowels and kidneys arc checked and
removed by it
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

Is PRrcKLr ASH BfrrERs good for any
thingf Read what Frank Griggsby, Of
Dodge City, Kas:, says: For three years l
suffered from a disease that my physicians
pronounced incnrable. My friends had
given me up to die, when l was induced to
try your remedy. took it for three months
and have gained SO pounds in weight. Am
q well man and Prickly Ash Bitters saved
my life am under lifelong obligations to
this medicine, and will never cease to rec
ommeud it."
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

WHEN q man has risen from his bed on
tire morning of the 3lst of August is he
justified in speaking OF it as the last rose
of i-Binghafrton Republican.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

SHIPS are about the only thing we know
of that can travel mile after mile on tacks
and show no signs Of pain. n.-Dansrlle Breeze.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

OSE would think that reaper would
greatly dislike his work. His sickle goes
against tho grain Pittsburgh Chronicle.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

Why is an unpaid subscription bill like
bottomless CHART Chorus Of country
editors: Because it needs receiptingn-
Western P2opmdn.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

E. P. RoE's autobiography and last story,
"Queen of Spades" complete in Lfppincotts
Magazine for Oct, ready Sept. 20 For sale ev-
erywhere, or mailed to any address on receipt
of 25 cents. LIPPINcoTT's MAGAZINE, Phila-
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

IT is to be presumed that assurance COM
panies have lots of cheek. Yonkas States
man
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

THERE is no use for garden vegetables
competing for prize at an agricultural
fair-the cabbage will always be head.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

Nor often may lawyers charges be
mentioned rs bordering on the fce-nominai.
Detroit Elee Press.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

The boy who is drought up by hand"
considers the path of early life slippery
one-Drake's Magazine.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

fF you want to be cured Of cough, use
Haie,s Honey of Horehound and Tar.
Pixies Toothache Drops Cure in one minute.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

A KITCHEN proverb-things rubbed
against crater become less
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

FELT boots--the "old mans" who sum-
marily disposes of his would be son-in-la law.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

NoTEs for travelers-bank notes are thu
best.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

THERE is more mischief wrought by over
worked jaws than overworked brains
Western PIoumdfl
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

SYRINGE to say, a cross road is often
very pleasant.-Boston Bulletin,
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

THE cream of society : ce cream.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

AQUATIC sports-the temperance base
ball nine. e.-B0st0a Courier.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

The affinity between the umpire and the
stock broker isn't especially remarkable.
The one calls the balls, the other bawls the
calls.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

OF Log CaDIn. war
ner's Log Cabin SarsapariIla also orig
mated in a Log Cabin and stands pre-
eminent among the blood purifiers Of
to-day as Warmers ''Tippecanoe" does
as stomach tonic.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

By the tailor-Every one knows where
the coat wrinkles better than he who wears
it.
4 THE child OF the seattle harbor buoy.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

TWIN sisters = Miss-management ans
misfortune
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

CALLED to order--the waiter. Puck.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

PRorHErs of Evil--the wages Of sim
Life.
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

IHE I1OU <IAbfNS Oi
America have been
birthplaces of some of
the grandest men. Lin
coin, Grant, Sheridan,
first saw the light of
day through the chinks
The Colfax chronicle., 1888-11-24

very pleasant.-Boston Bulletin,
SHIPS are about the only thing we know
of that can travel mile after mile on tacks
and show no signs Of pain. n.-Dansrale Breeze
THERE is no use for garden vegetables
competing for prize at an agricultural
fair-the cabbage will always be head.
-e-
OxE would think that reaper would
greatly dislike his work. His sickle goes
against tho grain. Pittsburgh Chronicle
WHEN a man has risen from his bed on
tire morning of the 3lst of August is he
justified in speaking OF it as the last rose
of summeri-Binghairto Republican.
NOTES for travelers-bank notes are the
best.
IT is to be presumed that assurance COM
panies have lots of cheek. .--Yonhas States
man.
Nor often may lawyers charges be
mentioned as bordering on the fce-nominai.
Detroit Free Press.
THE affinity between the umpire and the
stock broker isn't especially remarkable.
The one calls the balls, the other bawls the
calls.
PRornErs of Evil-the wages Of sim
Life.
TWIN sisters = Miss-management and
Misfortune
By the tailor-Eyery one knows where
the coat wrinkles better than he who wears
it.
The child OF the seattle harbor buoy.
Why is an unpaid subscription bill like
a bottomless CHART Chorus Of country
editors: Because it needs receipting.n-
Western Pfoiomdn
CALLED to order-the waiter. Puck.
The Memphis appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1886-1890, 1888-02-06
ADJUSTMENTS.
Memphis Thester.

Tonight Loita will be the stellar aitrac
ton at the theaicr, and in her new play
Pawn Ticket No. 2l0" There is a good
deal Of dark crime limited at in the drama
and two or three Of the pcrsonagcs "hayC
n hold upon two or three others, but IN,
great central crime IN never disclosed
Tho heroine is supposed TO have beer
brought to q pawn shop nj the age OF siS
by her mother, and pawned for $50 In
pawn ticket No. 2l0, which seems 10 b,
regarded rs a legal transaction in accord
anec with law, and ut the end Of ten yeap
the hcroine's mother appears and rcdccm'
her siXtecn-ycar-old daughter. Just In tim,
30 prevent her marriage with the old
pawnbroker, Uncle Harris, who has fallen
IN love with his pledge No. 30. Durinl
the play Iyotia gets In large amount 81
excellent work, which captures the audi
enoc, and that rdeems the play from
much absurliiy OF plot and dialogue. Tho
engagement will be for three nights only
no Wednesday matinee
The Memphis appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1886-1890, 1888-02-06
A FATAL ELECTRIC SHOCK.
THE PERILs HIDDEN IN AN INNo-
CENT LOOKING WIRE,
Will somerville Pays the Penalty for a
Display OF Recklessness--The Brush
Electric Light Company Meets With
More Trouble.

Troubles never come singly, but gener.
ally appear in droves. Just at this time
the two electric light companies are strug.
Cling to overcome an interference with the
telephone company, and have drawn down
the vigilance Of that argus-eyed body, the
Legislative Council. The Brush company
has fallen heir to another difficulty, from
which il may reap an enormous harvest Of
expense and trouble.
About6 o'clock last evening crowd Of
colored boys, ranging in age from ten
TO eighteen years, were enjoying them.
selves by a test Of ioolhardy courage at the
corner of Third and Jefferson streets. VIII
Somerville, or Blackwell, one OF the older
ones, with more ignorance and daring than
his companions, was sort OF selfconsti-
tuted leader, and in consequence was the
center OF attraction and bantoring During
the last few days the Brush Electric Light
company has been repairing that portion
OF its wires in that vicinity, and had re-
moved one OF the poles preparatory 10
putting in new one. In the meantime, the
disconnected wire was wrapped around the
telephone company's pole, and reached TO
within few feet OF the ground. Just
what attracted the boys 10 this wire is I'M
known, but il probably grew out of the
generally erroneous idea that there is dan
ger and death hidden in everything bear
ing the shape OF wire. BE this as il
may, the boys united in deiying Somcr-
Vile 10 take hold OF tie WIRE and as an
inducement beth him small sum Of money.
lie accepted the challenge, and with the
usual result.
Those who saw Somerville walk boldly
up 10 the wire and reach out his hand
were greatly amazed tor moment TO see
him suddenly topplc over in the gutter.
Shouts OF morriment arose from their
throats, but II is doubtful whether the
reckless youth heard them. lie slowly
arose, but had barely gained an upright
position when he again fell over and lay
motionless. This dazed the hilarious spec
tatois, and an examination brought horror.
Somervlle was dead. Information OF the
calamity was telephoned the police sta.
ton, Squire Gutenberg was notified
and an inquest followed. The jury,
composed OF Messrs. A. X. OAR
by, w. J.. Pope, +. A. Reynolds,
j. r. Trezbnellc, J. p. Conroy, A. Raggio
and Il. III. Stout, returned q verdict threat
ening TO the electric light company, at
tributing the accident 30 negligence on its
part. II is expected that Squire Butten-
berg will take steps this morning to bring
the company TO account.
Somerville was between seventeen and
eighteen years Of age, and the son Of Rob
ert Blackwell, who resides on MADDEN ave-
nue He Was emploved nj Walkers thea
The Memphis appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1886-1890, 1888-02-06

RAILROAD tickets TO New Orleans, Vicks-
burg jacksonville, Fla; Cincinnati and
other points, at greatly reduced prices, at
!. Samelson & Co.'S, reliable ticket brok-
ems. No. $40 Main street.