Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1888-08-10
SUSAN'S DARK HORSE.


blooded deception ever practiced on {
woman occurred out in the Western
Addition OF Frisco. 1t seems tina
the belle Of that important suburb oI
our municipality is Miss SusaI
Smiley. and whom vigorous rnmor
kept in circulation by her less favor
Cd sisterhood, credited with being 6
4 desperate little firt-in fact what
Billy Rice, the minstrel. used to cal
"a false hearted crokay." At all ev
ents her affections were of sufficiently
indefinite quality as TO cause heI
two most favored visitors to look mp
on each other with the most vindic
tive feelings common TO hated rivals
These gentlemen- who were respect
lively a city hall clerk, with eye glass
es and lreckles, named PiiIf, and q
red headed dry goods manirulator
called Diggs--cccupicd the intervals
devoted to gloomily sitting each 9th
er out three evenings week in fruit
less attempts to discover which oI
the two was really the coming man
iG the matrimonial race, so to speak
Last Thursday morning Miss Smif
fey, in response to IL husiuess-like
ring, admitted middle-aged party
with q black beard and wearing blue
goggles and long tailed duster.
81 am taking the census, mum y
he said, opening the fat book on the
piano and getting out some blanks,
'just look sharp, please, and answer
the necessary questions.
Miss Smiifey tremblcd little, as
women always do for some reason
when talking to Government officer,
and said she'd try.
"Lemme see-your names Smiley
/ beIicve-frst name?"
Susan"
"Middle namt?"
Haven't got any, sir"
"C0mo now. young woman, nc
prevarication. Are you sure you
haven't got a middle name some
where, aud you are trying to conceal
it?n
"No, sir; indeed ! haven't" said
the young lady, turning very pale
Il wouldn't deceive you"
"You bad better not, mum. The
penalty is twenty-five years at hard
labor"
GGrarious meW
Fact, mum. Now, then, let's SEE
what's next. All! yes--how often
married?"
"Not once yet"
"Ahem! Going to be, l s'pose. ,
Been asked, ch?"
ooh, yes, sir; several times"
"Call it six times" said the censu:
man, making an entry. What's next
All, yes-is your back hair false?"
"M-m-must / answer that?"
"Of course you must. Don't trid,
with the United States Government
mum. Come now"
"Well it's sorter, that kiner--'
"TEat'll do; we'll coll it mixed
Teeth sonpd?"
"Yes. sir" with much emphasis.
Don't get excited Let's sec
I'll put your age down as twenty We
Tie United States never allows N
to take woman's age on oath The,
will lie; can't help it. | guess "
"I'm just eighteen. / don't carr
whether the Government likes it OF
not, " said the citizeness, snappishly
"Of course, of course, they all sa,
that Pay attention, please. Wha
size c0rsetsY
"Eh?"
Must answer, mum. Remembe
the penalty. How many inche
around the waist?"
"Well' if you must know. 1G. Bu
think its just shame
mo remarks, if you please. Ahem
Well call it 10. They general
throw off about three inches, | find
Size of shoe?"
"Two-but | can wear one and
"Pll return you as q no. 4. That
about what a 'theer' always says
Any beauX?'
w-what?p
81 ay, any bceux?-and l. yer
careful about your answe., nun
r he Washington authorities are yer
pgrticula" On this point. Now hoV
many swee-hearts?
"Well--of course-there are som
gentlemen coming g-and--"
"Of course there arei I've got yo
down in the good looks' space az A
A. / J. handsome SO, Of course
you have plenty of admirers. All til
Government requires, is the principa
ones.'
We'll, said the young lady, some
what Modified, there is Jimmy Plil
and Tom Diggs, and"
Hold uo. right there" Which {
'em do you intend to marry?" said th
enumerator Of population, earnestly
ooh, neither OF them. There
--ahem!-there's splendid gentl'
man named Scudberry - Charl
Scudberry-DerhaDs YOU know hin