The Press., 1888-08-23
Volume 3l. Number q.
THE TALE OF A CHESTNUT.

l was sitting at an open window in my room on California street one sultry night
 last week, when heard something whiz past me and rattle on the floor. Some oi those confounded boys, thought, as turned around to see what they had fired through the window. It was dried up, shriveled chestnut. AS I looked at it in the gaslight, was startled to see 1t slowly turn over, and still more surprised and rather frightened, when a thin, wheezy voice proceeded from it and spoke thus:
 ''Listen You are a writer, know, and it may be the means of furnishing m arti- cle for you if tell you my history"
 Twas too astonished to utter sound, and tue voice went on:
 sI was. conceived in the brain of one of the most polished wits that ever cracked a joke or pointed an epigram. l was ush- cred into the world at a certain high jinks' at the Bohemian club, when that club re- qaired brains as passport into it's magic circle and not dollars as nov, and my natal hour was greeted with shouts and truly ap- preciative laughter. An IT was a jolly, fat, rosy checked fellow then and lived like fighting cock. Champagne always flowed when put in an appearance, and no dinner was considered perfect success WkbuOAl RIC6CuCO OA &u1y A1tACE duU uuy self. \ Our happy colnpanionship, alas did not last long, for we soon got separated, and l found myself handled around by numberless strangers who claimed me as their own oifspring, while aB the same time disfiguring me and robbing me of nearly all my former fair proportions and salient festures. =
 'sThen the 'drummers' look me in hand, and I was hawked around the country as a bait to catch customers. This I did not mind so much, although I had to be pres ent at the drinking of the rankest whiskey and the foulest of beer, for saw much of life, and had many amusing adventures. There was one. thing, however, about my travels with these sdrumnlers' that most strenuously objected to. It was this In my normal condition was brisk, clean, healthy joke, as fit for the drawing room as for the club. This did not suit the 'drnmmers' who required more highly sea- soned jokes to tickle the palates of their vulgar customers, so they injected into my veins some vilely smelling compound called smut which destroyed all the healthy freshness of my youth, and lowered me so much in the social scale, that my course has ever since been downward.
 The burnt cork gentlemen then took me in hand and twisted and distorted me to suit themselves. The smut which had darkened my blood did not seem to be the slightest drawback. For a brief time en- ioyed reign of popularity on the minstrel stage, and my appearance in no matter how mangled condition was sure to bring down thunders of applause from the gods in the gallery.
 '"The loafers who trade stale jokes for staler beer, then used me as part of their stock in trade, and tell you had 8 hard time of it. Once in while was appre- ciated, and my adopted father and myself were treated, but much more frequently we were both greeted with certain vile epithets, 'chestnuts' and rats, and kicked out into the street.
 'At last, have fallen So low that even the south of Market street. joker is afraid to introduce me to his friends. I am shriv- eled, black and marrowless, and hope soon to join the rest of the good old jokes in that happy land of oblivion where chest nuts are an unknown quantity"
 Just then sudden gust of wind came in at my window, and the poor, little shriv- eled chestnut crumbled up and blew away in dust. .- Wasp, ,San Francisco.