davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-06-15

made his headquarters at L., junction OF
several branch roads, and, as may be sup
ppsed, tho agents and messengers along his
route were aware of mis- POPULARITY, and
bad often been the victims Of his humor.
Ono day one of the messengers sent in q
telegram TO the L. Office, reading as follows:
"Haye tho horse meet the 7:30 train"
Tho agent was out, but Jolliby, the joker,
was In, and receiving the telegram, he di-
gested IL es follows: "Havc the hearse meet
tho 7i3o train"
Joiliby's face grew long. He had a horror
Of death at tho best, having made no special
preparation for the reception Of the king Of
terYors when he should arrive Mt his own
door, and he began TO mako preparation for
the erpected arrival at Z 80, with solemn
counsenance.
'wonder who's dead up the branch" he
soliloouizcd as he started for the under
takers. Haven't heard Of any one being
sick" Jsniby was pretty well acquainted
along his route, and equal TO woman in
his capacity for picking up news. Must
hsvo como in on tho transfer"
Tho undertaken agreed TO have his best
hcarss OF the train, on consideration OF an
extra fee for taking his horses out in tho
evening, and Jolhby awaited the coming OF
tho train with comfortable assurance OF
having DONE his duty.
Tho agent, meanwhile, was in entire
igroranco Of the whole transaction, Jolliby
having slipped the telegram into bis own
eocket or the mistake might have been
corrected even then, but tho 7:30 camc in,
the hearse stood waiting, and Joluoy, with
n grave face, went TO the door OF the ex-
press car.
"woll, Tompldns, where's tho bodyl" he
Inquired, with properly funeral express
sion.
"whosc bodyin replied Tompkins, cruff-
". Hc supposed JollIby was up TO somc Of
lis usual capers, and, bong tired aud hun
gry, was in no huncr for joking.
Why, tho corps, man, tho sta you
brought down.
Jolli5y supposed Tompkins was bluflng
him. "Thc hearsc is here waiting, SO trot
him out"
"Thc hars,'' exclaimed Tompkins, star
ing In amazcment SEQ and ride in IL, then"
Jus. tlea tho agent appeared II say, Hal
hiay, is the horse here"
"wbat horscT' asked the agent, myst-
led
why. the delivery horse that tAiap
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-06-15
elDOY M'NAIR.

Wink yer eies ioiSe an owl. me Fat; jostiorks
an ye Co.
But Dime not a-Coin' ter allus live a nohnaa,
hero with you;
Ctmc a-goin' ter town 10 LIVE beaaai an, n.
sumbuddy, suri
Now wink at that, q. Pa, McNair; but PLAT 70
winain' ferf
&c cray shot yer oies all soleran ioikc ontl
yer turnin' gray,
Eu. its niver here, o, Pat McNair. thet oime
a-goin' ter SHAY.
Fer Oimo not a-goin' ter weed the lot IT the
back o. III tum bie-aoWn,
faithi ONO not! Indadc. sor, Oime .-roln'
ter live IL town.
Te may blink at me loisc al vi, me Pat, per.
cscly, CT yc VIII.
Cut its dhus;ia' from the tunble.down a.tuu.
bin down tAcr hill:
Oime tired o. cooiin' u washin' n nilkin'
Crumply
o. wuz bora FER sulnthin' better, sor; fer sum.
thin better borni
An It's carryin' wather, n spA:tin' wood, n
schrubbin' ov thcr floor.
An ONO not a-go,n' ter kapo IL up frever n
cvcrmore;
So it's shct yer mouth. lo.kc clam, mo Pat,
n sure YEN niver know,
Hape soight more'n q commoner. s-thinkin' OF
don't sol
But whole Dime bout IL, sor, bedadi 70
moisht ez well know all;
Oimc a-:oin' ter rhattlc chinavare, ell up OF
Conway Hall
An rs dacintcrn be, sor, 20 wait on lcddies
foine,
Thin ter pale the prGties here, sor, or billie EN-
in the ro!ude.
Wink yer oies loike an owl, sor loiSc n ole
owl tyc WILL
But It's you NAV kape the tumblc-down n all
thet's on Their hill.
An the div!l-a-0it Dime carin' how much good
ye get
Quito the hull O. it, sor, a;ween the ro!se an
set.
Dime tired o. wearin' faded gowns, n givin'
you Their tin
Ome a-soin' ter bust thc- partnership, new
one ter begin;
An its Biddy McNair, Ord hev yer know, tibet
won toot s.cind horn;
d wuz born fer sur:thin' better, sor; FER sum
:hn' better borni
lPAT RISES TO REspoSD.l
"Lavc the sie.nd horn alone, thin let thor sic.
ind horn now dh:ap;
bad enur it Is; galorel but o,l rcsint the,
rhapi
An so f'tis the whasliy jug yer nrln' at or gin
Why, it's kape yer tin yersef; Grrah !est Sape
yer srudg n TIM"
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-06-15
WHEN DE MOON AM SKINNY.

Oars gwlne 10 be q hop tonight
When dc silver moon am shinia',
60 hor yo' bosses good an tigh,
Shinin' bright above dar.
Like nabobs we will appeah,
When de silver moon am shin!n'
None like us on as hem spheaa,
SUNNI bright above dar.
cnoRUs
To we're highly fed, highly fee,
Perfee htt.n' clothcs,
Lcadahs We. OF high degree,
A. ev'ry body knows;
Dusly danes, with chsrmin' namc1
An 'ristocratic mien,
Graduates OF fashion plates.
Alfred in m-ba-zeen.
(Tortissimol.
Den shine yo' alligators
An hor so head cree,
We're no small pertaters,
70 we'ro boun' 10 sweep dc Geek:
Slam on yo' shiny beavah,
Pile on yo' style so gran.
TO we've got &c dancin fevah,
An a loy-producln' fan.
SECOND VERSE.
Cclec' 90 rodnahs for dc fray,
When de silver moon am shinln',
Fo' de uppah crus' am out to-day,
Shinin' br ght above dar;
So over.oyed we all VIII feel,
When dc silver moon am shinin',
When 6ey yank dat "Ol Virginsy Feel"
Sh!nin' bright above dar.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-06-15
A SOLEMN JOKE.
Jolliby's Mistake in Reading Tel
egrem, and Its Consequences

OLLIBY was an In
veteratc joker, and.
Like tho most OF his
class, he wanted the
laugh always on one
side, namely, his
own. and it did hurt
his feelings terribly
if by any chance
that interesting pro-
ceeding was INDUCED
in at his expense.
He was q route
agent in the employ
Of tho X. and Y. Ex-
press Company, and
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-06-15
TO MANNlNG'S MEMORY.
Rich Easter Gift of His widow to st. PauI's
Church, Albany.

Church, Albany.
Tho widow of Secretary Manning has pre-.
scented ST Pauls Church, AZ Albany, with u
memorial Easter gift TO her ia,c husband.
1t is in the form OF a Latin cross, executed
In polished brass. The center is quartcrfoil,
bearing !. II. S. in monogram Each arm
Of tho cross bears triple cluster Of m4p.c
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-06-15
| DELICATE
| DISEASES.

To those acquainted with our II
to say that the lnvalids' Hotel a
branch establishment located at y
England, have, for many years, e
the most largely patronized and !
the world for the treatment and
arise from youthful indiscretions q
We, many years ago, establishc
treatment Of these diseases, undo
the most skillful physicians and
that all who apply 10 us might rec
Council OF the most experienced
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-06-15

leaves mathematical OF the Trinity These
are satin finished and contrast admirably
with the polished brass OF the cross.
The cross itself is forty inches high On
the base is engraved in Gothic text the fol-
lowing inscriptions
To the Greater Glory Of God
and in Loving Memory OF
DANIEL MASSIHs.
Born Aug lG 1871.
Died Dec. 81. 1887.
This gift OF the cross Is supplemented BY
another beautiful offering in the shape Of
two altar vases. These are fifteen inches
high, engraved in the same manner as tho
cross
The bodies OF the vases arc perfectly
round, representing the globe and rest on
round feet. In tho center is the sacred mon
ogram matching that on tho cross.
Mrs. Manning has many tender memories
Of St Paul's Church Not only was tho
late Secretary one of its earnest members
for many years, but she was married 70 Mr..
Manning by the present rector. DR.. Reese,
at its altar.
When the Secretary lay npon his death
bed among the last sounds he heard on
Garth were the sacred chants OF the choir Of
ST. Paurs waited through the window OF
the room in which he died. and IL Wa, its
rector who preached the funeral Sermon
". L. Word
1HFrr ~ one thing 20 bc said for tho
brass band. IT never hangs back and
bushes and protests incompetency when it
10 asked to play. -BUr'i'giOH IN" Press.
A DREAM Of fair women g most pleasing
IL the dream be not OF women who made you
buy things you did not want at the fair and
gave no cnaDge back.--N. o. Pieay1n.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-06-15

1Hrrr IL one thing 20 bc said for tho
brass band. it never hangs back and
bushes and protests iucompetency when it
10 asked TO play burlington Free Press.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-06-15


n
an dsswkt are
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-06-15

A DREAM Of fair women Is most pleasing
IL the dream be not OF women who made you
buy things you did not want at the fair and
gave no cnaDge back.--N. O. Pieay.n.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-06-15
OUR FIELD OF SUCCESS.

the home physicians) has the
specialists. Rooms for ladies
waite. Send ten cents IN STAN
on Diseases of Women, illustr
cOlOred plates (lOO pages.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-06-15
A fBreach) br RUPTURE, no

matter of how long standing. or of what size
is promptly and permanently cured by
our specialists, " ithOut the knife AND
without dependence upon trusscs
Abundant references. send ten cents TO
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-06-15

Organic weakness, nervous debility, prematu
decline of the manly powers, involuntary VII
losses, impaired memory, mental anxiety, absen
OF will-power melancholy, weak back and XII
dred affections are speedily, thoroughly and pc
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-06-15

We offer no apology for devoting so muc
attention 10 this neglected class OF disease
believing no condition OF humanity is 10
wretched TO merit the sympathy and bc'
services Of the noble profession 10 which "
belong. Many who suffer from these terrib
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-06-15
| RADICAL CURE
| or RUPTURE.

PILES, FISTULE. other diseases affecting the lower
bowels, The
cured fifteen 10 twenty
. Send ten for Illustrated Treatise.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-06-15

Ono Of Opie Reads Good Stories Of n Ne
gros Cunning and White Mans
GupIdity.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-11-08

Sun dogs are also known under the
popular name of mock-suns. They are
sometimes called side-suns, the scienti-
fic equivalent of which is parhelia. They
are to be seen only when the sun is low
down in the heavens, either in the
morning or in the afternoon. Com
monty two mock-suns appear, one on
either side of the sun, and on horizon
tai line with it.
1t is often the case that one is much
brighter than the other, and the bright
ness varies rapidly. Under favorable
conditions, another pair of these dogs
may be seen on the same vertical line
with the sun. In such cases, q cOlored
ring about the sun connects the brighter
spots.
The sun-dogs are formed upon the
same principle as the rainbow. The
sunbeams are decomposed by the mist,
or better, by the little ice-crystals which
float in the upper strata of air. They
are, accordingly, far more common and
brilliant in winter than in summer. For
the same reason they are seen to great
advantage in the Arctic regions. Another
circumstance which favors the study of
them in high ATTITUDES is that the sun
docs not rise far above the horizon at
any time of day.
Explorers in the North report seeing
at times two circles around the sun, with
the mock-suns at either side, and at the
top and bottom of both circles. Besides
this display, horizontal and vertical
bands of light streamed from the sun to
the outer circle.
The first, or inner circle, is described
as bright yellow within; the second of q
yellowish gray. Beyond the two circles
a colored bow is seen. The inner part
of this bow is always red, the outer
shading off into pale green and very
light sky blue. .-Youth's Companion.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-11-08
How the Southern Tortoise Burrows

Here and there, but rarely perhaps in
one amid hundred of these mouds, we
find the place where the reptile entered
the ground. This opening is at once
seen to be quite separate in character
from the mounds which first attract the
eye. 1t consists of a clearly defined
tunnel the sides somewhat smooth and
compacted with the energy with which
the body of the creature has been driven
through it. The passage inolines Steep
ly downward, descending at the outset
at an angle of from 20 to 80 degrees,
then turning at the depth of two or
three feet to a more horizontal position,
On the surface little beyond this en-
trance is heap of debris, which con-
s1sts OF the sand taken from the passage.
A few feet in from the opening, the pas
sage appears to be closed by loose mate
rial which was not elected from the
mouth of the tunnel. Although 1 have
been unable to catch these tortoises at
work.. ! have succeeded by tolerably
sac differences in tracing their method
of operation. When they begin the bur
row they endeavor at once to penetrate
downward to the level in which they
obtain their food. At the outset
ny AAoh''SoO W AISultuGlJ UuChlIR OUT
of the passage and thrusting the earth
behind them in their retreat to clear
considerable opening. When they have
advanced a few feet in the excavation,
they cease to discharge the material ex-
cavated in their advance, but thrust it
behind them, and leave it lying in the
chamber which it entirely closes. With
this storage room provided, the gophers
are able to advance through the earth
for the distance of some yards; but as
the earth compacted by its own weight,
by the pressure exercised through the
expansion of roots, and the action of
the rain occupies less space than the
same meterial lOosened in the progress
of the burrow, they soon become ham
pered in their movements. They then
turn toward the surface and continue
the excavation upward until they have
attained nearly to the open air. They
then use the great strength which they
clearly possess to thrust a quantity of
the burrowed material upward until it
RS in the form of q cone, and by the
space in the burrow thereby gained they
are able to go few feet further in their
tortuous line of advance, when they
must again seek to discharge portion
Of the earth in tho manner just de-
sori bCI.-I3p5lLlr .SctcJace 1noHLflY-
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-11-08
A Daniel Come to Judgment.

A newly-appointed Justice of the
Peace in one of the eastern counties of
North Carolina was trying civil case of
much difficulty, in which the law seemed
involved in much doubt. One lawyer
contended that the law was dead in favor
of his client; the other lawyer was equal
Iy positive that the lay was clearly on
the other side. The Court was in great
doubt for a time. but lucky idea oc-
CURED to his mind.
"Gentlemen, said the Court, "the
facts in this case are we'll ascertained,
but the law seems to be doubtful. The
attorneys on each side have stated what
the law is, but they do not agree. The
Court decides that as the facts are es-
tablished by the onths of the witnesses,
the law must he established in the same
manner. The Court requires each at
torney to swear that the law is what he
has asserted it to be.
One of the attorneys, Senator Ransom
says, took tho required oath without
hesitation. The other demurred, and,
of course lost his case.-N. Y. Tribune.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-11-08
Pioneer Postal Precautions.

The finding the other day of the half
of a twenty dollar bill by a Wall street
banker while rummaging among his old
correspondence and papers, brought to
the memory of the financier an old Gus
tom which is probably unknown to
many of the present generation. Be
fore banks, bank accounts, checks and
drafts were as numerous as now, persons
residing at n remote part of the country,
wishing to remit money simply cut the
bills in halves, sending one half at one
time and the other half in some subse-
quont mail, so that if one lot was stolen
or lost, by simply giving bond to the
bank of issue, as security for any loss
that the bank might suffer through the
possible redemption of the missing por-
tions of the bills or otherwise, they got
their money though only one half of the
bills were presented. The banker said
that he knew of several banks in this city
that had i'll their vaults half bills that
were sent in for redemption, and the
bonds given with them for securing
them, in some instanc s, having run as
long as half a century. y.-Ncao York T'ele-
O7'I9!,
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-11-08
CHINESE HOTELS.
Description of a First-CIass House
and an Inferior Carayansary.

We quote from Virgil Harris new
book on trip through West IN
China two descriptions OF Chinese ho-
tel accommodations. The first is OF
L" first class" house
"The hotels along the main roads in
this province are somewhat noted for
their elegance and comfort. Our first
nights experience was not altogether
encouraging the house was Pretentlous
in appearance, and the room of honor, i'll
which officials and wealthy men have
feasted and slept for many years, WIS
delegated to us, The unpretentious
rooms on either side of the narrow but
very long court, leading straight up
from the street past kitchen and dining
courts to our room, were filled at an ear
ly hour by poorer travellers. The court
itself was crowded with chairs and bag
gage, while half-naked coolies were run
ming hither and thither before settling
to bath and the opium Pipe. Unclean
water was dashed right AMI left from the
walks along the fronts of the rooms into
the centre of tile e-payed court.
Everything was in commotiOn as we
arrived, and n few minutes later the reg
ular disorder grew into mob, which
continued until our faint tallow dip ex-
pired. Travellers were hustllng each
other to get the best rooms, coolies
threw down their burdens anywhere for
the moment, sat down at the tables,
drew forth their old palm-fans, and
slipped wretched tea until they recovered
sufficient strength to take their packs
inside. Then followed ablutions from
tubs all along the stone court between
the guest-rooms. Hot water was in de-
mand along the whole line, and half
naked walters rushed in and around the
naked phalanx bearing pals OF steaming
water. Other walters were running to
guests with tea-cups and large tea-kettles
with long noses. One traveller after
another settled to his hoard he'd i'll the
windowless rooms, the stenches of which
are unbearable to n foreigner. The
coolies. ten or more crowded into rooms
barely large enough to give them space
for their mats, smoked opium and chat
ted until midnight, while the crowd
from the street pressed into every avaia-
BILE corner to watch the queer motions of
their illustriOus guests. We rode up
to the end of tho court, and stepped
from the chairs into our room, and
screen was drawn in front of it n few
feet from the door, to hide us from the
eyes of the crowd, which followed us
trem the street. 1t requires a good
guard to beat back the boys and girls
who press around the sides of the screen.
The teacher and "boys were busy for
time in persuading the curious to fall
back SO as to give the tired foreign gen
tlemen fresh air and quiet. Our room,
although the best, is stifingIy close,
windowless, damp and covered with
mould, with thick crust of wet dirt
upon the old, half rotten floor"
The second is of an inferior caravan
sary.
1T was p. m. as we descended
through plantations Of orange and other
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-11-08
A Calculating Machine.

From an English paper we learn that
zone of the most ingenious of recent
American inventions is calculating
machine called the comptometer. 1t is
the work of resident of Chicago, and
with its aid the most complicated math
ematical computations can be made with
great ease, accuracy, and swiftness.
The instrument is 14a in. long, Il Ill.
wide, in. high, and weighs s lbs. 1t
can be placed upon an ordinary table. 1t
differs from all other machines of this
character, as it can be worked with a
typewriter keyboard. This machine
performs large multiplications in a sec
ond of time. 1t was recently tried by
the officials experts at the Treasury at
Washington. Various examples not
previously known to the inventor were
given to him for the testing of his ap-
paratus, as well as to experts detailed
from the Treasury. The machine al
ways surpassed the experts in speed,
and was invariably correct. The inyen-
tor was given an example like the fol-
lowing Suppose you bring G234 from
England to New York, where the rate of
exchange is $4,84g what is the American
value of your money. In one second of
time this marvellous calculating machine
records the correct answer of 81, ,134.-
eO7
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-11-08
The Rich Washington Girl.

A great chango-in appenrauce-has
come over the Washington girl. 1t is
the style now to look wise, as it was
some tImo ago to look silly. Perhaps
the latest fashion is less natural, but is
decidedly more picturesque. Now, If
a girl can look a little muscular and
active, as we'll as intellectual, it adds
just that much to the effect of her make
up, The hair is brushed off the fore
head as far as possible, with little
fullness or puff above; tho bustlo IS
abandoned, broad -toed shoes are affect
ed, and they walk with springing,
swinging, swaggery gait, so as to make
the muscles play gracefully beneath q
tight-tittinS tailor-made suit. No one
is seen now lea ling the once fashionable
pug OF poodle; even big dog is seldom
seen in company with young lady on
the avenue or on any of the popular
West End walks. Riding horseback is
a more recent fancy, and even when not
mounted young lady may be seen 0c,
casionally with ariding staff. The habit
of carrying complete cane willie prob
ably be readily adopted.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-11-08
An Electrical Glass Breaker.

The Pittsburg Dispatch says that sey-
eral glass factories are now using cleo
tricity for novel purpose. Heretofore,
when they wanted to cut one of the
large cylinders of window glass, sim
pie but primitive method was used.
This consisted of the pulling out from
the furnace of thin shred of glass
heated white. This was quickly wrapped
around the bottle-shaped end of the
cylinder, and it burned through or frac-
ture the glass. A pair of tongs had to
be use in the process. By the new
method the glass cylinder is encircled
with fine wire, the extremities of which
are put in connection with small elec-
trio battery. 1t is necessary that the
wire adhere closely to the glass. When
current of electricity is passed through
the wire, the latter becomes red hot and
heats the glass beneath it. Then single
drop of water deposited on the heated
place will cause a clean breakage of the
glass clear around the path of the wire.
Contrary to what takes place with the
usual process in the treatment of this
fragile material, it is found that the
thicker the sides of the cylinder are, the
better the cut.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-11-08
The Catch of Washington.

The weathiest young man in Washing
ton is Mr.. H. Grafton Delaney, or rs he
is known to his intimates, "Hal. Della
ney. He is not much more than thirty
years old, and his fortune is an inherited
one. His yearly income is between
$50. 900 and $4,000. The principal that
yields most of this princely income rests
in nothing less secure than the English
consols. His mother was the descen-
dant of an old English family, and at
her death the family estate, an entailed
one, passed to her son. From those who
know / learn that he makes good use of
his 81 500 week. He unostentatiously
plays the part of a good Samaritan to a
host of less fortunate relatives. He owns
large demesne in a nearby Virginia
county. He sustains an old family
mansion there, and is wont to bid his
friends by the dozen to share in its
hospitalities. He passes the Winter
months in the Capital, and varies the
monotomy of Spring and Autumn by
occasional fitting to Paris and London.