The National tribune., 1888-08-23

The man who most frequently asks the Ques-
ton, d" Is life worth liying?" is the one who
has done the least to make his or anybody else's
life worth living.
A paper called the Midnight Yell was started
at Kjowa, Kan, two weeks ago, and has already
discovered that the Dying Groaa would have
been much more appropriate.
Those Pilgrim Fathers landed in 1920, didn't
they? That IS 2G3 years ago, is it not? Well,
isn't it high time that some of them were be-
coming at least grandfathers?
woMEE's WAYS.
"shu in full mourning my dear Cicely
Why, it must be more than two years now since
your husband died, and you did not care very
much for him, either"
That's tho very reason, my dear. ought
to show deep grief some way, and wearing
mourning longer is the most convenient. Be
sides, black sets of my complexion so much
better than any other color"
Naturalists say that the American fly is
larger aud stronger than those of any other
country. This must be on account of the su-
perior nntriment he gets from our fly papers.
HAD HIS MEASURE.
Lend me a fyeg, please, Rigg5ley."
Sorry, Skimpsey, but l have not anything
less than a twenty"
"WelIahat'l be much better"
NO, okimpsey, / couldn't think Of doing
that. value your friendship and society too
much"
Il don't understand you; I swear don't"
Well, Skimpscy, ] understand you; l like
you, for you are a good, pleasant fellow, and
don't want to part with you. You have sized
me up, however, for about $50. If l loan you
s. ] should expect you to return it, because
you expect 10 get so out Of me some day or
another. Buff lent yon S20uow, that would
be the last Of you, and So | would lose both my
money and your society. See how thoughtful
am, me boy"
WESTERN PRISON.
Eastern V1sitor to a Nebraska Coun,,8sat-
"Thats your Courthouse, is it? Well, almost
anything tbat'l shut out the weather will
do for o Courthouse. But 1 don't see any jail
Haven't you one?"
CHizca-" o. yes, we have; one Of the best in
the country, perfectly fire-pro0i. walls too thick
to be broken through, and perfectly safe III q
tornado Here it Is"
Visilgf-" But this is nothing but q hole IN
the ground"
Cifizsn-" Well, that's it, all the same. We
got the idea first when we were digging o we'll
for water. We'd gone down good ways with
out striking water when the boys brought in
horse thief one afternoon and somebody sug-
ge5tod that the well-hole would be the safest
place to keep him until the forms Of Justice
could be gone through with, and they chGckcd
him down there. Later in The evening the
boys thought it would be putting an unncces-
sary expense on the taxpayers TO try him. so
they took turns emptyiug their Hiuchester5
into the hole. The next day the Sheriff said
he did not think there was much chance for
water down there anyway, and so he ordered
the hole filed up aud another we'll started.
This made the expense Of burying the horse
thief apply to digging new well, and was in
the direction OF economy and reform. They
didn't strike water in the new hole, but good
luck brought in another horse-thief just st the
right time and he had hesane luck as the other
! fellow We have uog dug four dry wells aud
buried three horse thieves. We intend to keep
| right along, though. BY the time we got grand
larceny suppressed in the County we viii prob
ably strike water"