Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1888-01-20
EULOGIUM ON RUM.
BY JOSEPH SMITH.

Arise ye pimpled, tipling race, arise
From ev'ry town and village tavern, comet
Shew your red noses and oerflowing eyes,
And help your poet chant the praise of Rum.
The cordial drop, the morning dram, sing,
The midday toddy, and the evening sling.
Hail, mighty Rum and by this general name
! call each species-whisky, gin, or brandy;
THE kinds are various-but the effects the same;
And so choose name that's short and handy;
For reader, know, 1t takes n deal of time,
To make q crooked word lie smooth In rhyme.)
Hail, mighty Rum thy song inspiring merit
Is known TO many n bard In these our days;
Apo)lo's drink, they find, Is void Of spirit
Mere chicken broth-insipld as their lays;
And, pleas'd, they'd give a riv'let-aye a sea
OF tuneful water for one quart OF theel
Hail, mighty Rum how wond'rous is thy pow'rl
Unwarmed by thee, how would our spirits sail,
When dark December comes, with aspect sour,
And. sharp as razor, blows the northern gale
And yet thourt grateful in that sultry day,
When raging Sirius darts his iervid ray.
Hail, mighty Rum to thee the wre,ched ny;
And find q sweet oblivion Of their woes:
Lock'd in thy arms, as in the grave, they lie
Forget their kindred-and forgive their foes.
And Lethe's stream, $50 much eStolled by scme.
In ancient times) shrewdly guess, was Rum.
Hail, mighty Rum what can thy pow'r withstndl
Fen lordly Reason flies thy dreadful face;
And Health and Joy, and all the lovely band
OF social virtues shun thy dwelling place;
(For in whatever brest It rears its throne,
Like Turkish monarchs, Rum must rule alone }
When our bold fathers cros'd tn Atlantic wave,
And here arriv'd-a weak defenceless band
Pray, what became of all the tribes so brave
The savage owners of this happy land?
We're they sent hcadlong to the realms below,
"By doom OF battle?" friend, answer no.
Our fathers were too wise to think of war;
They knew the woodlands were mt quickly past
They might have met with many an ugly scar
Left many n foretop-and been beat at last.
But Rum, assisted by his son. Disease,
Periorm'd the business with surprising ease.
And would our western brethren be less proud, or
In other words, throw by their gun and drum
For ducks and squirrels save their lead powder
And send the tawny rogues some pipes ofrum
dare predict, they would gladly suck it;
And ev'ry mothers son soon "kick the bucket
But 10 tn ingratitudc OF Adams race!
Tho all these clever things to rum We owe
Gallons of ink are squirted in his face;
And his bruis'd back bang'd with many blow
Some hounds ofnote have rung his funeral. .knell
And every puppy joins the gen'ral yell.
So have seen Cthe smile is fine.
And wonderfully pat-the' rather old)
When rising Phnbus shot his rays benign,
A flock of sheep come skipping from the fold ;
Some restless sheep cries baa and all the throng,
Ewes, rams, lambs, wethers, believing pour along
But fear not, Rum, tho ficrcely they assail,
And none but l, toe bard. thy cause defend,
Think not thy foes-tho' mum 'rous-shall prevail,
Thy pow'r diminish, or thy being end
Though spurn'd from table, and the public eye
In the snug closet safely shalt though lie.
And oft, when Soils proud chariot quits the sky,
And humber Cynthia mounts her lhorse chair
To that snug closet shall thy votaries fly;:
And, wrapt in darkness keep his orgies there
Lift the full bottle, joyous, to his head,
Then, great as Caesar, re.l sublime to bed.
| Burlington, Dee. 7th, 1889.