St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-04-08


as law.
The bill provides for the licensing OF
railway conductors, and, with the IDEA
that all the evils of travel, from the
chOppv condition of the road bed to the
SalloW color and hopeless demeanor OF
the hard-boiied eggs along our great
thOrOughfareS Of travel, are dlrecIly que
to the incompetency of the conductor,
aims to regulate this matter by striking
at the root of the evil.
Conductors, under the provisions OF
the bill, are required to submit to riga
examination under the eye OF a chlef
examiner, appointed by the president,
and who shall receive $500 per year
and mileage at the rate OF 10 cents per
mile. together with reasonable travel
ing expenses. This chief examiner Will
delegate his power as an examiner TO
twenty supervising examiners, retain
ING only the bitter anguish and enervat-
inc toll incident to the life of one who
looks out at the car window all day ana
patiently accumulates mileage.
The supervising examiners shall re-
ceive 50, 500 per year, reasonable travel
ing expenses, and 10 cents per mile by
the most devious methods of travel.
Railroad lines will be permitted to pass
chief examiners, etc, to and from their
work.
The chief examiner and supervising
examiners shall constitute a national
board of examiners, who shall meet at
Washington, d. c., every little while to
think it over and then go away. This
national board of examiners shall dl-
vide our unhappy country into twenty
districts, each of which shall be cheered
by the presence of two district eXamIn-
ers, and they shall be men OF good
moral character, who can ask dIfhcult
questions and be willing to work on a
salary. They shall receive salary OF
$4,000 year, mileage, stationery ana
press notices. The duties of district
examiners as prescribed are optional,
but the salary is compulsory. Assist
ant district examiners may be ap-
pointed at Il salary of $500, and clerks,
when necessary, may be employed TO 90
the work at 81 200 per year.
The chief examiner, supervising eX-
aminers. district examiners and assist
ant district examiners shall be at all
times guarded by cloud of mileage by
day and pillar OF salary by night.
Under the provisions of section of
the act, the district board of examiners
shall have power to pry into the pedl-
gree, personal habits, qualifications,
aims, aspirations, accomplishments and
physical condition of any man who may
make application for the portfolio of
conductor or dOOr-slammer eXtraOrdl-
nary as provided in this act, and fur
ther, it is provided elsewhere III the Dill
that no conductor shall be permitted to
go through a train with pencil IN his
mouth, pair of forCeDS in one hand and
a pad of drawback checks in the other,
a nurse, railway folder, map and
household guide. at $50 per month, with
the privilege of being killed between
meals. unless he shall have passed a
thorough examination on the same
track. ami received license from the
board of examiners, and paid fee of IS
to said board. The bill also provides
that the sum of 100000 shall be apprO-
priated for the contingent expenses OF
the board in getting to and from widely
separated points, and for wear and tear
of thinkers while engaged in getting up
deep conundrums for applicants.
The board may revoke the license of
any conductor at any time upon the
commission of certain acts, and he will
then be arrested under the provisions
of the United States statutes If he un-
dertakeS to run train, even though
the railroad company may desire to re-
tain him. This gives the conductor the
chance to work for the railway company
and the United States of America, pro
vide1 he behaves himself, and at one
salary. In other words, he buys license
for the privilege of doubling his respon-
Sibilities without increase of pay. Upon
passing satisfactory examination the
conductor will be permitted and re-
ouired to wear large tin badge bearing
the remark Conductor" upon it, also
the number Of his license. the number
of the district in which the license was
issued, the number of his residence, his
postOffice address and other information
desired by morbidly inquisitive public.
He may also be required to wear a muz-
zle during dog days.
He will also be expected to wear the
various bageS of the road for which he
may be employed, together with foreign
decorations, statements, way bills and
certificates of the presiding officer set
ting forth whether he be out of order OF
not. He will be required to wear on his
breast all badges referred to in this act,
together with such other badges as he
may have in the house, till his bosom
shall resemble a Christmas tree.
The schedule of examination has moi
yet been fixed, but it must be so pre-.
pared that it shall cover the physical
and mental condition of the applicant
and will. no doubt, run something as
follows:
/. Give your age, weight, height
nationality, sex, complexion, where
born, and who, if any one besides your
self, was present at the time?
2. Do you ever experience ringing in
the ears, gastric goneness between
meals. mental lassitude on rising and
reading the Congressional Record, sud.
den and uncomfortable desire to bite
people on trains or vague yearning tC
soar away in pay car and be forever
at rest? Do you have dandruff?
3. If | give to A half my salary
and half dollar over, then afterwards
meet B, to whom | give half the re-
mainder and half dollar over, after
that meeting c, to whom | give half the
balance and half a dollar over, when
find | have nothing left but my mileage
how much mileage have / and what are
you going to do about it?
4. Which is proper, to get on and of
train on the nigh or off side, provided
the train is going east and running OF
the time Of previous train?
5. Are people who are not formally
engaged under any obligation to kiss
each other?
6. What is the total railroad mileage
of the United States and what would il
amount to at 10 cents each?
Seventh-How many bones in. the
human body and what are their namest
Eighth-What is promontory?
Ninth-State in your own language
what you know of the WIlmot Proviso
10. Why is chrysalis like buck
wheat pancake?
II. Of what is the surface of the earti
composed?
IL. DO you believe in literal hell?
Is. If you were writing to Prof
Young, the chemist, would it be proper
to address him as Analyzer Young?
IA. How many pores in the human