Sacramento daily record-union., 1888-11-07
BOB BURDETTE,s HuM0R.
How He Was Sat Down Upon When He
First Began to Write.


Robert J. Burdette-Bob-has Just been
licensed TO preach by the Lower Merton
Baptist Church of the Philadelphia Bap-
tist Association, and Will soon leave the
lecture field. He says he preached his first
sermon one summer Sunday while he was
spending his vacation in some mountain
retreat. The little church there was with
out pastor, and he took the pulpit at the
earnest solicitation of its members.
The story of Burdette's touching devo-
ton to his wife, now dead. is familiar TO
every one, but the following recital of his
beginnings as a humorist may be new to
many. He was at that time local editor
of the Peoria Transcript. He had to fill
two columns a day. 1t was hard work.
Dog tights were scarce and human beings
were disgustingly sober and peaceable.
His page was dull.
AT home was his wife, i'll of the disease
of which she finally died, and to cheer her
up he stayed at home an hour or two at
noon and wrote imaginary local events of
an exciting nature and read them to her.
They were grossly improbable and funny.
They did not have debilitating effect on
her, but actually made her laugh, and one
day she said: Robbie, this ridiculous
stuff Of yours is bad enough to print.
Having seen that | survive it, why don't
you try it on your readers?"
He cautiously did so, dealing it out in
small doses. 1t was copied everywhere.
This had been going on for fortnight,
maybe, when one day Mr.. Emory, editor
of the paper, sent to Robert, requesting
him to come to his private room. s'Aha!'
said Robert, rubbing his hands and glow
ing from head to foot, "I've fetched him
He's going to raise my salary ~
MIR. Burdette," said Mr.. Emory, when
the audacious youth was seated, two
lunatics escaped from the asylum last week,
l believer"
"Yes, sir; yes-two-but one of them
was captured"
Zone was captured" said the editor,
thoughtfully, " "one-oply one. What be-
came of the other, Mr.. Burdette?"
He hasn't been found yet," answered
the iocose youth; "they're securing the
woods for him"
ais it not possible that he may be Sc
creted about the building somewhere? In
your room, for instance?'
"Why, no, Mr.. Emory! What put such
all lued luto your Oedu
Have you among your friends any
body who is a driveling idiot, Mr.. Bur
dette?'
No, sir; oh, no, sir, think not p pro.
tested the youth, moving uneasily in his
chair.
Who might get into the office and in
sert articles without our knowledge-in
your lo',G absence at dinner, for instance ?''
cob, 10, Mr.. Emory, no; why DO you
ask ?"
al met an intoxicated man the Other
night going down the stairs. Who wa:
it?"
Il don't know, indeed" said Burdette
1--WE had just bounced him"
Did he write anything for the paper
clandestinely and surreptitiously while he
was hereg persisted the editor
"Why, no, of course; l see everything
that goes in this page"
Well, then, Mr.. Burdette, who is il
that makes those sickly attempts to be
funny that | see in your columns every
day ?'
Burde,te blushed, rubbed some dirt of
his left pantaloons leg with his right boot
and said "Really, Mr.. Emory, I-you
see-I hardly-well-the fact is-there's
nothing avaricious about me, Mr.. Emory
but shall have to claim those myself"
"Oh~ exclaimed the editor, feigning
surprise. You? Well, don't do so any
more. They make me melancholy. They
are dreadfully lugubrious. They seemed
to have emanated from wrecked brain
You can go to your room, Mr.. Burdette
| wouldn't have thought it of you. Don't
do so any more. If there's anything fun
ny to be written, I'll do it myself"
Burdette went home all broke up. He
resigned next day and crossed the Missis-
sippi. 81 left" says the humorist, abe
cause, sincerely, | couldn't look him in the
face after that. l had been caught in the
act and felt like a guilty thing."-lFl-
uaukee Journal.