Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1888-03-17
IIUMOR.

IL
their attention to Forrest cultivation.
The stage needs one.-TeraS SUtings.
HE met her on the horse car,
And he ofcro her Il seat
And he thought she an angel,
Till she walEel upon his feet.
-Terds 81 tItIS.
NOTHING worth calling good can or
ever will be started full-grown," says
Mac Donald, "and it may be so; but
how about a sneeze ?"-JOuHaL of
Edu alton.
IT is easy enough to pay fifteen cents
drink for whisky; but when it comes
to buying shoes for the baby, and that
sort of thing, it beats all how the money
slips away.-Pu"h.
A NEWSPAPER editor is not required
to be either a sneak or puppy. If he
makes himself either it is a voluntary
act, and probably in accordance with
Unborn proclivities. Cart Pretzel
A MAN in a Western town hanged
himself to bedpost by his suspenders.
The Coroner's jury, which was COM
posed of mothers, decided that The de-
ceased came to his death by coming
home drunk and installing himself for
his pants. "-Er.
"OF course | turned over a new leaf
on New Years Day" said McPelter.
Exactly, and then broke over?" "Yes,"
despondently, "but then," bright
ening, "it wasn't so bad, after all. +"
withdrawing over?" Yes; you
see | forgot, and dated the leaf 1887"
detroit Free Press.
ELLA WHEELER Wilcox believes
that her genius for poetry is due to the
fact that her mother read o volume of
poems short time before Fila was
born. In other words, she believes in
prenatal influences. We believe in it,
too. We know poet whose uncle
had dog house to fall on him. At
any rate his nephew writes the worst
kind of doggerel. -Arco'a Rec5rL
AN honest politician has been Disco
cred in Alabama. Just after having
announced himself as candidate for
Congress, and while standing on the
courthouse steps making a speech,
some one in the crowd yelled: "Say,
what do you think of the tariff? Give
us your views" "My friends" said
the orator, Il don't know blame
thing about the tariff" He was elect
ell by q large ma; orty. -Arkdnsd,C
TrGreicr.
FATHER MATHEW, under TIE figure of
an animated pump, with the extended
handle for an arm, and the spout for u
nose, says, "Touch not -taste not; if
you mast take anything. take the
Pledge" Paterfamiias, with severe
frown, has turned upon the intruder
and says, "Dost thou think, because
thou art virtuous, there shall be 10
more cakes and ale?" The grandfather
pleads: wont you allow an OF gem
tleman little warm elder wine this
cold night?' and the buxom lady of the
house says, coaXingly, "Prav, take q
chair. sir and taste my homemade
wine, or a glass of our home bre we'd
ale. "
SOME thirty years ago there were
living in a small town, near each other,
two wealthy farmers whom we will call
Williams and Hall, between whom had
grown up II bitter feud. 1t happened
that the two men were summoned as
witnesses on the same side of lawsuit,
the principal object of their testimony
beng to lmpcach the character for
truth and veracty of another resident
of the place. Mr. Hall was sworn first,
and having testified that Mr.. - was
not to be believed, and passed his
cross examination creditably, was dis
missed. Mr.. Williams was then placed
upon the stand and being duly sworn,
speedily demolished every rag of repu-
tation Mr.. - had left. Then the
cross-examination began: "You say that
Mr.. IS reputation for truth and
veracity is bad?" Eyes, very bad
greatest liar | ever knew" "Weli, now,
Mr.. Williams. how does his character
in this respect compare with Mr..
Hall's?" Mr.. Williams turned away,
and with outstretched hands, cried out,
"Oh, my dear sir, you've got me now, "
-HdIDerS Mdgdzi inc.