The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1888-04-21
O'SHERRY'S TRICK.
How Captain baltimore Lost HE
Whiskers.

How many men enter the army solely on
account of the uniform? How many of
those who are supposed to be enamored of
the adventures and perlls of a soldiers life
are enamored only of the tinsel and trap
pings of soldiers coats 1t would be inter
esting to know, but, owing to the unac-
cOuntable reticence on the part of those so
influenced, it is impossible to discover.
Still, occasionally there occur cases where,
though no confession is made, shrewd
guess may be hazarded that aesthetic consid-
eratiOns had much to do in inducing the gal
liant warrior to choose military career.
Captain Dallimore's was one of these. Cap
tain Dalton baltimore was not very adven-
turous. nor very courageous, nor very
ambitious man, but he was unquestionably
a very conceited one His conceit, however,
referred only to his appearance. He never
imagined that he was cleverer, Drawer or
more high-minded than his fellows; in fact,
his private opinion was that in these quail
ties he was rather below than above them.
But when it came to good looks-well, every
time he glanced in his glass, and that was
pretty often, he felt, with thrill of pleas
ure, that there he had the advantage of most
people.
And he was not bad-looking fellow. He
had a rather long face, passably good fea-
lures, and fairish hair, and he wore mus
tache, large mutton-chop whiskers, and a
pi,,cs-nez. He was very tall and very slight;
and his clothes-which is not always the
case even with military men-were OBJ
viously made for himself. :.
His appearance was better than his man.
ner; that was affected and insipid to de-
gree. He could be induced to manifest
nothing but the most languid interest in
anybody or any thing about him. No mat
ter what was the subject which was occupy
ing the attention of the rest Of the company,
his attention was concentrated on himself.
While the others were jesting, chatting, or
disputing he was engaged examining the fit
of his jacket or the cut of his overalls or
else stroking his mustache and passing his
fingers affectionately through his whiskers.
These latter hirsute appendages were the
cause of much mockery and heartburning
in the regiment. His brother officers
strongly disapproved Of them. They could
understand and sympathize with his devo-
tion to his mustache-they all wore mus
taches themselves, which they carefully
nurtured and tenderly cherished-but he
was the only man in the regiment who
sported whiskers, and the others regarded
his Indulgence in them as an unwarrantable
license, not to say breach Of discipline.
"Dolly, my boy" one would say, s'why
don't you shave and look like Christiana'
''Prefers to look like a goat" another
would growl.
''You see," third would put il, "he's not
very energetic, and the whisl.ers save him
good deal OF work; with them he has only
to wash half Of his FACET
''If were the Colonel" a fourth would
declare, "he should either shave OF leave
the regiment.n
But Captain baltimore would only laugh
languidly at all such coaxing, bullying and
remonstrance. He loved his whiskers and
was determined not to lose them Besides,
he suspected that envy had something to do
with his fellow officers disapproval.
Captain Dalton baltimore never regretted
his choice of o profession. The Lancer uni
form exactly suited his taste and figure. His
duties he found light, aud, on the whole,
agreeable; while the effect Of his lace, spurs
and charger upon the ladies was al that
could be desired. The only drawback he
ever found was the fact that his regiment
was sofreQuently stationed in remote vii
lagos, where he had little company and little
opportunity Of receiving what he felt was
his due of feminine admiration and atten-
tion.
His delight, therefore, can be imagined
when his regiment received orders to leave
: the obscnrity Of Braxby for the publicity
and gayety of the Irish metropolis He had
uC'ii III buuihh bcAoAOy Ahu hhoW Whbb hS
had to expect there--n0t an occasional din,
ner at Lord Broadacre's or Squire Cherry's,
orn dance every six months Mt the town
hail. but succession OF banquets, recep
tions and balls and tho admiration and de
votion Of scores OF the prettiest women iI
Europe. asiT 5is
Tho gallant Captain was not doomed to dis
appointment. Dublin proved every thing
that he expected. All that was wealthy
beautiful aud fashionable In tho city re-
ceived the Lancers with open arms. Cards
OF invitation from the castle, Merrion
square, and Old Trinity came IN scores tl
avery officers quarters. From Colonel tC
Lieutenant they were all In demand every
where but none Of them seemed to be quite
in so great demand as Captain Dalton DALI
more. 49,
twas about month after the regiment'l
arrival In Dublin that Captain Dallimort
was, alone OF all the Lancers present at ,
dinner given by Mr.. Justice McMurther II
his fine housein Fitzwilliam square. Judg'
McMulther was famous for his dinners, ani
though Captain Dalton baltimore knew tina
t, there would be no ladies there-the hos
was a bachelor-and that he would be &C
Quainted with few Of the guests, he gladl.
accepted tho Invitation. Aud he did no
regret IL. A better dinner he had neye
eaten, and the wines were simply incom
parable. The only thing, besides his sp