Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1888-05-20
OUR EXPECTATIONS.

SLOW very unfortunate I"


U;fe and myself respectively one bright
Sentember morning as we sat at break
fast In the dining-room OF our tiny, old
fashioned cottage at Lowthorpe. Before
ms each lay en- open letter; and 1t was
the contents OF these letters--individ-
ually aud collectively--which had called
forth the remarks set down above.
To be more explicit. Elias letter was
from her uncle, Gregory Carper, signify
ing his intention OF paying us visit on
the following Tuesday. My letter was
from my uncle, Simon Finicker, saying
he intended paying us q visit on the fol-
lowing Tuesday.
Nothing particularly alarming in that,
Wait a moment Old Gregory Carper
was most eccentric and frascible Judi
yidual OF reputed fabulous wealth, who
had moro than once distinctly stated that
il was his intention to make his only
niece (rny wife) his heiress. Old Fin
ECKER, my mothers brother, was also
ricb in this worlds goods, and it was
generally understood that l, Charles
Danyers. was to be his heir. And be-
tween these old men there was deadly
feud The quarrel bad taken place SIX
months ago, and each uncle, after giving
us an exhaustive catalogue Of the enc
my's enormities, had sworn in turn that
if We, Ella and Charles Dsnvers, ex-
changed words, letters, or visits with the
said enemy in future we should be os-
tracised by the remaining uncle forever.
Now, for more reasons than one, Ella
and / looked upon this as serious con
tineency and regret TO say we had re-
course 10 duplicity. We gave each uncle
20 understand that we held the other as
the scum Of the earth Of We didn't ex-
actly say so. we implied it, ; and. so far,
we had kept on tolerably friendly terms
with both. We called our baby-we had a
baby-Giregory and Simon 10y turns. He
had been christened Gregory Simon IN
the presence of both uncles, Just week
before the fatal quarrel took place. Poor
little soul | used to shudder when l
thought OF his debut with such a name
at the public school where his mother
already talked of sending HIM.
I offer no excuse for our unpardon-
able conduct. L acknowledge that |
PLAYED the part of "A mean, ablect sneak.
But / trust the reader will see that under
existing circumstances the projected
simultaneous visits Of these two uncles
was, to say the least of it, awkward.
However. there was no help for 1t.
To write and put either of would offend
the put off one almost as MORALLY as to
allow the dreaded meeting to take place.
There will be fine scene," OBJ
served grizzly, after short silence
"By Jove there will.
lila stirred her coffee abstractedly
and L stuck my egg-spoon vlndlctiyely
through the shell OF my third egg, with
q vague wish that l were infiicting cor
poreal injury on either Objectionable rela-
tive.
Charlie I" said my wife, in piteous
tones, when some few minutes had
elapsed, what shall we do? "
ASK me something easier, my dear.
l replied, gloomily.
ait Is 80 awkward in every way, she
went on. "Jane does not return from
her holiday until Wednesday" Jane
was our housemad.) "And cooks being
so deaf makes her so stupid. And your
uncle Is 50 fidgety and particular, she
added.
did not reply, but rsread both let
tiers silently. No, there was no mistake,
both uncles were coming on Tuesday.
Mr.. Csrper proposed three-days' visit
Mr.. Finicker intended starting early on
Wednesday morning to attend cattle
show some twenty miles from Low
thrope. He would come down, he my
upcle) said, by the 5:l5 from Waterloo.
AS usual. Mr.. Carper does not men
ton the train he intends coming down
by." l observed dryly. There only re-
mains, ss a climax. that they should both
elect to come 10y the 5:l5.
"Oh Charlie Surely not.
al think it is more than likely" / re-
turned, with the calmness Of despair, rs
proceeded to unfold the newspaper.
had Just ten minutes to read and digest
it before catching my train up to town.
"Charhe, how can you sit there cooliy
reading the paper !" exclaimed my wife,
almost in tears.
my dear" L demonstrated, "there
are five days TO come before Tuesday.
We don't know what may happen In that
time. One Of the old fools may-er-
ahem We can talk over it when come
home tonight" l concluded hastily.
Then, with what I have been told is the
innate selfshness of the masculine mind,
Iplunged into the news of the day.
When / came home at night, Lila met
me with beamiDg smile.
"Charhe !" she began gleefully, as L
Invested myself of my hat and oyercoat,
al bave thought of plan.
"a plan !" echoed vaguely.
Reader-I give you my word L had
forgotten all about those two tendish
old men.
"Oh. the uncles !" ! groaned after a
moments reflection. Let us have din
ner first. Nell, and indigestble relatives
afterward.
Ella. as all well-drilled little wives
should do, obeyed her lord and master,
and dinner proceeded as usual.
When had lit my poSt-pr0ndiai pipe
! stretched myself upon the sofa, folded
my arms behind my head. and intimated
that was ready to hear the "plan."
Ny wife came and seated herself upon
low stool beside me.
"You see, Charlie" she began with
round, solemn eyes fixed upon mine, Il
have thought and thought all day, and
this seems the only thing to be DONE"
"Well?" L said expectantly as she
paused.
"Well," she went on, 81 am conf
dent that Uncle Simon will arrive first
on Tuesday, and he shall have the pink
room"
81 have no objection, / observed, as
she paused again, "but l fail to see how
that can help us.
"Charlie, you are 80 stupid, dear.
You know there is something the matter
With the lock of the pink room door"
looked-as felt-bewildered.
"Yes," assented helplessly.
"Well, Charlie, in impatient tones,
"don't you understand ?"
81 confess TO being still at sea, my
dear" said with abject humility. "But
60 on. Unfold your plan, and my fee
bier intellect will try to follow. The
a A