Morning journal and courier., 1888-06-06
INHERITED.

That Tennessee clergyman who inherited fortune of $8, ,000, 900 now asserts that the story of Dives is an interpolation. "-Mar- tha's Vineyard Herald.
 It is astonishing how pretty the homely girl you have never seen can look when she ia softly talking nonsense to you through the telephone.-SomervilleJ Journal. Singing shad has been seen and heard in lower Delaware bay this spring. This may sound ishy, but if "the voice of the turtle is heard in the land ," why not the voice of the shad alsoa The latter ought to excel the tur- tie when it comes to running over the scales. -Norristown Herald.
 stIt is low tide" said Q Rockland captain as he picked up the office cat, and, looking into her eyes, found the curtain of the eye almost entirely closed. "When it's high tide," he continued, "you will find this cur- l tain drawn wide open. It's sure sign."- Rockland (Me.) Courier Gazette. ''Let me ses your tongue, madam, please, !" said the doctor. and he added, facetiously, as the request was complied with: "It is not necessary 10 expose the entire length of it."
 The indignant patient drew in her tongue and gave the thoughtless young physician a piece of it.-Chicago Tribune.
 "Yes," said the sweet girl graduate in a burst of confidence, "my education is now complete, but still am not altogether hap py. Mamma and papa unfortunately have habit of pronouncing their words % oddly and they know 80 little of polite literature and the sciences, you know, that it really is quite a hardship for me to associate with them. ."-Boston Transcript
 A female Mark Tapley, after life of toll, found herself an inmate of an almshouse. Re- viewing her trials she said her husband had abused her, often beating her, but the Lord was good and took him away. When her L ! . al, but the Lord was still merciful and carried him of with attack of pneumonia. She had much to bs thankful for in her old age; she had two teeth left, and thank the Lord, they were opposite each other.-Portland Transcript.
 A bit of a story with moral was told me the other day. In the city of Portland, Me, dwells redoubtable barber, loquacious as is his race additionally, and at times promi- nent ill State politics. as when 8 few years since he was standard bearer to the now de- funct Greenback party. He was recently discoursing voiubly to customer concerning the difficulty he found in getting assistants who could cut hair properly. ''I suppose" !" the customey observed, "you find it pretty hard work to teach beginner" "Oh, no" retorted the barber, s'in six months can teach any fool how to cut hair, but the trou- ble is that it takes two or three years to teach them when to leave off."-Boston Letter to the Providence Journal.
 It was at one of our Boston schools and the question was arithmetical, something like this-tIf seventeen men can do 8 piece of work in one week, how many men would be required to do 1t in three weeksf" Up went hand "Wen," said the teacher. "Five men and boy fourteen years old" s'How do you make that out:" asked the teacher, endeavoring to suppress smile. cit would take one-third as many men. One third of seventeen is five and two thirds" ''But where does the boy come in?' t'A per- son is not man until he is twenty-one Two-thirds of twenty-one is fourteen. It would take therefore Eve men and a four teen year old boy" The teacher was more pleased with the youths logic than his arith- metic, but he made no sign.-Boston Tran script