davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20
Bismarck in the Reichstag.

'The great Bow-wow," MS Bismarck
is irreverently called in German parlia-
mentary circles, shows himself in the
Reicbstag only when he has something
important to say. Then he enters the
House Immediately before his time for
speaking comes round, and leaves it as
soon as he has said what he wishes to
say, Though the chancellor tries to
keep his intention TO speak close sec
ret, the fact leaks out, and the crowded
assembly-hall shows that neither the
Reichstag nor Berlin has been taken un-
awares. Those who attend know that the
chancellor is not far away when they see
his well-known portfolio and great lead
pencil deposited upon the front minis
terial bench. On entering the hall, Bis
marck goes at once to his place, opens
the portfolio, takes from it sheets OF
notes and bundle of newspapers and
cuttings, arranges them with care, aud
then chats with his colleagues. "The
gift of eloquence," he once said, ''has
done much mischief in parliamentary
life. Oratory is waste of time; let us
restrict ourselves to statements of facts"
His voice is not musical, and at times is
so weak as to make it difficult for the re-
emi-conversationa style, begins slowly
and monotonously, and, with the excep-
tion of casual breaks, proceeds and ends
as he begins. As the chancellor's tongue
cannot keep pace with his thoughts, no
now and then breaks off in the middle
of sentence, and takes up a new
thought, leaving his hearers to make
the best they can of his half-inished
sentences. The chancellor never de-
claims, never fatters, nor equivocates.
His official position causes the Reichstag
to treasure up his utternnces, but he
does not disdain to aid them by apt
quotations, forcible SMILES, snd witty
illusions. Though he once lectured the
Prussian Parliament on the uselessuess
OF verbosity, the chancellor usually
speaks one hour, and has exceeded even
two hours He speaks extempore,
though tho heads of his speech and the
newspaper quotations are carefully
noted on sheets of paper. B.smarck's
speeches are full of weighty words and
proverbial philosophy.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20
Footprints Of Amphibians.

Professor Bickmore, in his lecture on
"The Period of Reptiles and Mammals, ;"
in the Museum of Natural History, New
York, presented on q screen Illustrations
of the footprints of one of the amphibi-
ans of the coal period. The illustration
was drawing from the great slab of
blue stone which belongs to the museum,
and was taken from the stone quarry at
Turner's Fall, Mass. The animalit itself,
Mr.. Bickmore explained, was one of those
which roamed in great numbers along
the Connecticut valley during the car
boniferous period. This one had left
its footprints in the mud, and the i'm
preston having been subsequently filled
with sand, the cast was preserved when
the clay became hardened into stone.
From fossils of the animal, which
have been obtained in other portions of
the valley, it appears to have had an
elongated body, about fourteen feet
long, on four legs. It moved mainly on
the hind feet, the forelegs being shorter,
and lived partly II. ttJyH HsfTeaIn. AT that
time and until later period IN the age
of mammals, the lecturer showed by the
drawings of the coast survey, the coast
of New York extended fully 100 miles
into the ocean south of its present line.
The ocean steamers of to-day, IN ap-
proaching the Narrows, follow the ORD
channel of the Hudson River, which,
previous to the subsidence of the land.
as shown by the sea-soundings, flowed
into the sea through deep valley and
over steep cliff of ,s;eat height, and
must have formed magnificent cataract.
N. Y. Tribune.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20
The AnacOnda's Bite.

An anaconda's bite is perfectly harmless
if man has the presence of mind to
keep still and pinch the bitter right back
of the ear. Then it will open its jaws
and release its hold. 1t is not veno-
nous. But jerk the bitten member
away, and its knife-like teeth, which are
set on such an angle that the points re-
cede, will tear the flesh out. While in
Georgetown, Md. with an old fashioned
wagon show, We let the snakes out for
lark. The moment they got free the
old nature returned, and they ran to
the grass. One of the curious sight
seers who were lounging about parted
the weeds with his hands and peeped
in. AS he did so the biggest of the
snakes caught him by the hand. Put
ting his foot on it (the snake), he jerked
back, with the result OF scraping all the
skin off. Immediately there was howl
from his friends that he was poisoned,
and about quart of whisky was poured
into him. Soon stupetied, he fell upon
his back in the hot sand, and the pers-
piration, dirt and blood made his face a
repulsive sight. The cry went forth to
kill the bitter, which we had caught by
that time, but had to smuggle away.
They howled loud and long for the
snakes dead carcass, and threatened to
knock the show higher than Gilderoy's
kite if the reptile that bit the mans
proboscis was not given up. By this
time gang of hoodlums had gathered,
who were only too glad to lend a hand
in the work of destroying the show. In
fact, they became SO worked up that
they seized one of the boys con
nected with tho show, whom they held
as hostage. In the meantime the
whisky had done its work, enabling the
bitten man to get on his marrow-bones
once more, which had the effect of quiet
ing the hoodlums, but if the chap had
succumbed to the poison, there is no
doubt they would have lynched the
hostage. One thing you can rely on
they didn't get that snake. - Globe
Democrat.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20
Durability Of Mahogany.

"The vegetable world is being ran
sacked" said New York furniture
manufacturer the other day, ''to furnish
rare or curious or new and striking
woods for decorative purposes. The re-
suit is that many pretty effects are pro
duced, which charm the eye for time.
But my experience is that the good old
fashioned mahogany outdoes them all
for durability. A few years of wear
does not lend this wood n damp, dusty
q opearance that no amount of varuish-
ing, polishing or scraping will restore to
its original beauty; but age brings out
its better qualities; it grows darker,
richer, and is more easily cleaned, not
absorbing dust like more coarsely
grained woods, but year by year becom-
ing capable of higher polish and a
deeper glow.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20
A Successful Inventor.

We wish all American inventors could
reap as bountiful harvest of fort,sue as
Hiram Maxim, of New York, who has
received $850,000 for his last produc-
ton, the k-firing gun, in England.
The first Maxim essay, the small one
bareled mitrailleur, has not been q suc-
cess except in theory, the tremendous
discharge of 1000 shots per minute
soon being too much for any single
bore, however excelIent of design or
material. Maxim may be fairly &C
counted prospective millionaire, hay
ing previously to his ordinance inven-
tions received some 100000 in the
States for his electric lighting patents.
He is still a young man, and resides at
Thurlow Lodge, which he has purchased,
about twenty miles from London. The
old mansion, surrounded by very fine
grounds, is one of the historical English
houses, having been the property and
home of Lord Thurlow, the Great Eng
lish Chancellor.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20

One insertion, 4
TOMORROW.

The setting sun, with dying leans,
Had walked the purp'e hill to fire,
And citadel and dome and spire
Were gilded by the far-off CLEAN;
And in and oct dark pine trees crept
Full many slender line of gold;
Good notes athwars the river swept,
And kissed it as it Onward rolled;
AMI sunlight fingered, 10Th to go.
All! well, it cGuseth sorrow
To pa t from those we love below;
And yet the sun as bright shall glow
Tomorrow.
Tho tide was ebbing ! the strand,
And stopping low its silver ere {;
The crimson seawced lay at rest
Upon the ambes-ribbed sand;
Dashed Ger the rocks and on the shore
Fung parting wrcaths of pear'y spray,
Then fled away; yet tn ned once more
And sent a sigh across the bay,
As though is coull net bear to so.
All! well, it causeth sorrow
To- part witt thos we love be'ow,
Yet thitherward the tide shall flow,
Tomorrow
Two hearts have meet to say farewell
AT even when the sun went dowa
Each ife-sound from the busy town
STote sadly as passing bell.
One whispered Parting is sweet pain
At morn and eve returns the tide"
"
And still they linger side by side,
And still they .inger, 10th to so.
Ali well, it causeth sorrow
To part from those We love below
For shall we ever meet or no
To-morrJw?
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20
The Persian Minister at Washington.

The Persian minister, Hadji Hassein
Ghouly Khan, has taken a house and
settled quietly to daily routine of bu
siness and pleasure. HIS house is on NJ
street, near Thomas Circle, and is one
of the terraced row in which Secretary
Villas lived. The Minister is studying
English, and his daily companion is
volume in pink, which contains parallel
columns of French, Spanish, Italian and
En- lish. Has Elm Ghouly speaks French
fuently. His days are engaged inmas-
tering the mysteries of this small volume
seeing his callers and playing the piano.
Then he writes o letter to his Govern
ment and takes walk in the afternoon,
and he is much fattered by the atten-
tions paid him upon the street by the
children, who call out as he passes by :
"There goes the Persian Minister.
He will not be joined here by his family,
who are in Persia, for the reason that
he expects to return to Teheran in q
year and to be superseded by another
Minister. He loves to talk of his fami
ly, and has young daughter of whose
fine vocal powers he is especially proud.
He is courteous, pleasant gentleman,
and is most Hospitality dis. osed. His
manner and conversation proclaim his
dignity OF caste, and he is withal a most
agreeable and valuable acquisition to
that company composed of men of all
nations, termed the diplomatic corps
Washington Star,
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20

hands-so. Lots see your teeth. Good
ones. Long ones. Sharp ones, my
buck. You must be about six years old2
I guess I'll keep you and get five any
how for you, from Harry jennings in
the morn'n. Jennings s-hic!-knows
good dog when sees 'im-hic! Say,
your breath's too hot and eyes too red
Say, 1 don't like your breath in my face
that way don't like it, 1 tell you !
let go, curse you Let go my throat !!
Curse you, take that and that and
that Let gol My God, he's pulling
the healt out of me Help help! helpl
Murder mur- On, my God now I
see now l under Oh !"
When the door was opened and the
crowd rushed in the yellow dog rushed
oUt,-Once O. Week,
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20
Splendid Kitchen Grown Roses.

The american Garden says the finest
roses it ever saw grown entirely in room
were raised by a cook from slips; the
windows were closel, but occasionally
the air was always closed warm and often
unplessantly moistfrom the boiler; Liberal
waterings we're given with soaps suds.
Among the best hardy fall-blooming
perennials are the phloxes, larkspur or
aconite, holly-hocks, triomas, japanese
anemones, polygonum amplexicoule,
pansies, coreopsis, crysanthemums,
asters, dahlias, salvias, marigolds, alys-
sum and candytuft.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20
The Queerest of Cats.

1t, remarkable cat, died at Putnam,
Conn, the other day. The animal had
seven legs and two tails, being in reality,
one cat in front and two cats behind.
Her strange deformity enabled her to do
many tricks; she was able to walk at any
angle without turning, and whenever the
perpendicular walls were near enough
together she could go up them as easily
rs she could walk the floor, while it was
her favorite sport to climb tin pipe to
the roof of the house. She was buried
in a triangular black walnut box, with
the simple inscription "It," and many
OF the villagers attended the burial.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20

Highmind, have you heard the latest
slang expressions!
Mrs. Highmind-I suppose so, dear
You have been here almost an hour
Philadelphia Record.
AN HEROIC GIRL.
"George, DEAR she said, with q
pleading Amelie Riyes look upon her
face, "surely you are not going thus
early2 Have you ceased to love me ?"
"No, darling, my love for you is as n
rock; it will endure" George replied
with emotion: "but early, why, it is
after l o'clock, and" dropping heavily
into chair ''the boss says that if the
store isn't open and the steps washed
down hereafter at 6 o'clock 1 lose my
job"
"Go, go, George, exclaimed the girl
with noble heroism, ''the job Is about
EASILY LOCATED.
Philadelphia Girl-Where is it you
live2
Young Westerner (proudly)-I reside
in Adobe City.
1 beg pardon, but really I do not re-
member exactly where Adobe City is.
Well, well That is queer. Adobe
City is only go miles from Mud Gulch.
-Phaadelphia Record.
FORGOTTEN DAYS.
"Pa," inquired Bobby, "whats the
meaning of Z pluribus nnum z"
"Oh, it's Latin phrase, Bobby. ]
used to know when was at college, but
man is apt to forget most that he
learned at college when he gets to be
as old as I am"
just then a procession of college stu
dents passed the door shouting vocifer-
ously. "Rah l'' "Tiger," yelled the old
man, and he broke both suspenders be-
fore he reached the gate.
GIVING FULL WEIGHT.
Teamster-Mrs. Pancake complains
that the last ton of coal you sent her
seems to be very light.
Coal Dealer-All right. Just shovel
some slate into the next load-she'll find
that heavey enough !-IE!Je.--
BEATrY's MECCA.
Belle third season, languidly)-Oh
dear, wish had been born an English
peeress
Another Belle first season)-Why,
sweetest-because you are tired of trying
to become one l-LJe.
DEBTS WITHOUT NUMBER.
Mrs. W.-What are you doing, dear
Mr.. W.-Musing on the infinite.
Mrs. W.-You must stop it. You'll
go crazy if you keep your mind fixed on
your debts.
NIPPED IN THE BUD.
Miss Chancellor (who is about to give
an entertainment)- Good afternoon, Mr..
Sappy.
Mr.. Sappy (who has known her for
two years, but never called)-Good-a -af-
ternoon, Miss Chancellor. How well
you are looking Hope you had q
pleasant summer. 1 have been trying
so hard to find chance to call on you,
ut-ahem-ahem-
Miss Chancelor-Oh, of course, un-
derstand, Mr.. Sappy; the weather has
been 50 wretchel for the past two years,
has it not? Good afternoon
NOT HIS FIRST ENGAGEMENT.
"This is lovely ring, my DEAR" she
said, 'and it's n thousand pities it's q
little too small
"Never mind," he returned. "Thats
the one | once gave Critic. The next
time | call will bring you up the one
Jennie had. "-Judge.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20

AFTER having listened, at Thanks
giving dinner, to Jones stale jokes,
Smith said : 81 say, Jones, tho Thanks
giving turkey is luckier than we are.
Jones "In wha5 way9" He ISM
stuffed with chestnuts until after he il
dead"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20

And he dreamed at the preacher these words
had proclaimed:
''The hairs of your head arean numbered" :"
! The bald-headed man awsssSNith n start
| From his weekly, evotiGnai siumbers,
Thea he sank on h;s s:3aSss md fervently
80, Lord! send me dowiff-she back num-
bers." Judge.
THE TRAMP's REVENGE.
Housekeeper to Tramp-No you can't
have anything to eat here. Go right
away.
Tramp-That's what they told me
over the way. They said you only had
one meal week here. Sorry troubled
You, Ta-ta!-NeoO York IV0rld.
HE MARRIED ONE.
Briggs-Did you read about that
taking doll Edison inyented2
Braggs-No. But I reckon know
all about it anyhow.
Briggs-How SO?
Braggs-I married one about four
years ago.
Then lie pinned up his vest and went
into the restaurant for supper.
Haute Eapress.
TWO ENOUGH.
First Citiaen-I'm proud of my wife.
She can speak five different languages.
How many languages does your wife
speak?
Second Citizen-United States and
baby talk. That's enough for me-
burlington Free Press.
SISTER TO HIM.
She-I can only be sister to you,
Henry.
He with repressed emotion) )-How
old are you?
She (curiously)-Twenty, last Octo-
ber
He-Well, you can't be o sister to me.
I've got sister at home who was twenty |
last August, and you see that sort of re-
lationship won't work. Try something |
else Washington Pest.
ANTI-CLIM4x.
Breathless the audience sat-
Dozens of women we're crying;
The cruel Moor had done his worst,
And Desdemona was dying.
How beautifully she diedl
One last fond look at her lover,
Then the blue e! es closed on his swarthy face,
AS he wrathiully stood above her.
A silence that could be felt
Followed-t really was freszng.
Then-a pple laughter stirred the house,
For Desdemona was sleezing.
The Moor was in earnest
r,,It No 90 h,,t DasdeuTsess round it;
n - 49,. ssC,or 5iIa heard
~ -' -8fnrs,sl II ~
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20
A RESPECTFUL DISTANCE.

A violinist was playing over piece
of music with his man servant, who had
been the public fiddler in his native vii
lage, and when they had finished, he
said to him-"You handle your bow
very fairly, but you are always beat
behind; how that e
Monsieur, it is out of respect. la
GduLotS.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20
SHE STRUCK THE RIGHT ADVISER,

Kitty Gust up from long illness tc
friend calling upon her)-I'm crazy tc
get out t. see the styles. I haven't G
thing to wear that's fit to be seen.
Clara-Pl go shopping with you.
know just what to get. Grandma died
since you've been sick, you know, and
I've got the giddiest morning trousseau
that's out.-EpOcA.
HELPING HIM OUT.
Magistrate Ito prisoner)-You are
charged with an attempt at suicide.
Prisoner (humbly)-Yes, sir.
Magistrate te-Was this your own vo-
| lition The peculiar condition in which
! you were found indicates that you must
have lad some help.
Prisoner-Well, your honor, I dunno
bout dat I was kind O. tiighty in my
mirld at the time. It's just possible that
my wife helped mo.-Epoch.
BUSINESS as. PLEASURE.
Mother-Goodness mef Is tt1Hr7ircre-
at the piano?
Little Son-Yes, ma.
"Well go ask her what she is doing.
If she is praoticing, she can keep on un-
til the hour is up; but if she is playing,
tell her to stop. philadelphia Record.
IT'S A WHOLE DRUG STORE.
Mrs. Rimes- George, you do not write
any poetry of late. How does it hap
pen?
Mr.. Rimes-Well, you see, dear, I
find it rather discouraging, this courting
OF the muses.. When 1 wrote on both
sides of my paper the editors threw my
offerings unread into the waste basket,
and then when l wrote upon only one
side found they utilized the blank side
for the writing of tariff articles. So,
upon the whole, 1 concluded that poetry
was drug in the market.
WANT OF TACT.
Nanine and Alphonse were chatting
merrlly about the coming nuptials.
" How entertaining that cottage at
DlIon, my DEAR" she exclaimed, "and
the sweet little carriage, and the silver
of your mother to go on the mahogany
cabinet and -"
MY life's own does not mention me-"
broke in Alphonse.
"Ab, wait till [ get through" and she
patted him under the chin as she ram
bled on" and the good donkey to take |
me to the village, and" but AL |
phonse had left the room.-Tfme.
JUST LIKE MAMMA.
GLOW came you to have your portrait
painted in that old-fashioned costume 2" |
said he. "The face is perfect but [ |
think you would have looked better in |
modern costume"
''That is not my portrait" said she.
''That is mamma when she WAS q girl. |
says l look just like she
did,"
The young man thought of how man.
ma looked now and thought of the fu-
5ure, and the proposal which he meant
10 make was deferred indefinitely
1'erre Haute Erpress.
SHE HAD A PIECE OF PAPER
"Do YOU mean to tell me, Mrs blllus'
the husband angrlly, tna1
vou gave n total stranger an order TOR
80 worth of groceries at prices less than
dealers can buy them, and
paid him for the goods in advances
Didn't you have sense enough to know
il was q swindle? Your money is gone |
ROW. ,.,2aaann- and you've n6thIng TO |
"Why, yes, I have, John, 2 said Mrs.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20
THE JOKERY BUDGET.
STORIES TOLD BY THE FUNNY
MEN OF THE PRESS.

Back Numbers - The TramDTs Re-
vcnge - He Married One Two
Enough-A Sister to Him, Etc,
Etc.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20

PULLING carpet lacks is lowly work,
yet it may he done with eclat.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20
WE'LL POSTED.

Miss Dash-Oh, by the way, Mrs.
Highmind, have you heard the latest
slang expressions!
Mrs. Highmind-I suppose SO, dear.
You have been here almost an hour
F1hilGdeEphia Record.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20

boggar, quick turn, a swish through
the air, and Toms ma!acca cane fel
across the beggar's bilious-looking cheek
That night, about eleven O'Clock, Tom
was returning home. after having escort.
ed his sweetheart to her home, down
town, near Washington Square. He was
singing Tosti's wild, and lovely, and sad
"Goo1-by" The street was wholly de
serted. The yellow dog Tom had left
with his sweetheart, much against the
formers will.
Just at the side entrance to st. Luke's
hospital, which stands on the northwest
corner of Fifty-fourth street and Fifth
avenue, stood a man, behind one of the
trees which run along the curb. 1t was
the evil-faced beggir.
He waited until Tom had passed on
the other side, then he RON softly across
the street, from north to south, behind
Tom. He followed him across Fifth av-
enue. Tom never turned. He was
singing:
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20
BACK NUMBERS.

The bald-' eaded man, in his family pew,
Leaned back on the Gu hion end slumbored,
And he dreamed at the preacher these words
had proclaimed:
''The hairs of your head areall numbered"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20

The bald-headed man awsrswith a start
From his weekly, evotiCnai siumbers,
Thea he sank on his -Anss.s and ferveutly
prayed,
80, Lord! send me dowf'th back num-
bers" Judge.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20

Kitty Gust up from long illness to
friend calling upon her)-Im crazy to
get out t. see the styles. 1 haven't o
thing to wear that's fit to be seen.
Clara-Pll go shopping with you. I
know just what to get. Grandma died
since you've been sick, you know, and
I've got the giddiest morning trousseau
that's Out.-Eq1Ocb.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20

"This is a lovely ring, my dear" she
said, ''and it's thousand pities it's q
little too small. "
"Never mind, he returned. "That's
the one l once gave Critic. The next
time call will bring you up the one
Jennie had. ."-Judqe.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-12-20
AN HEROIC GIRL.

Philadelphia Girl-Where is it you
live2
Young Westerner (proudly)-I reside
in Adobe City.
beg pardon, but really I do not re-
member exactly where Adobe City is.
Well, well That is queer. Adobe
City is only go miles from Mud Gulch.
=Ph1a1eEphin RecOTd.