The Irish standard., 1888-08-04
scRlPs AND SCRAPS.

An oddly lately brough from Key west,
Fla, was d sweet potato having the form OF
coiled snake. It acquired its extraordn-
airy shape through growing in stony ground,
having grown about the stones.
A NAN IN Kokomo, Ind, has fancy Tor
naming hisschildren after the different re-
igious denominations. He now has three
named respectively, Presbyterian, Meth
odist and Baptist
A TOURIST from on Eastern State request
ed every conductor he Travelled with to place
punch-mark in the sweat-band OF his hat.
The variety and number Of marks the band
bore Were said to have been an interesting
sight.
ED1soS's monograph has been perfected
and has proved a marvellous invention 1t
reproduces words and sentences giving the
voice of the reader. The tones Of musical
instruments are also retained with wonder
full correctness. A factory is to be built for
the manufacture of the machine for COM
mercial uses.
LIN the last century peculiar title-pages
were one OF the affectations OF the day. In
fact it would almost seem that some au-
thors wrote books for the sole purpose OF
showing then ingenuity in this line. Such
a title-page is the following: 81 Don't
Know What. Written by I Don't Know
Whom Published 1 Don't Know Where,
by Don't Know Whom"
OsE of the colored applicants for mar
riage license was unfortunate enough 70
forget the name Of the girl he was goiag to
marry, and he had to tramp back six miles
into the country to find out what it was.
Upon being questioned as to how he called
her, he answered "Gallie," and he couldn't
L. Hof1 oll 1r,1nu a
said.
A JUSTICE in Indiana who had endeavored
vainly to recover twenty dollars he had
loaned ali acquaintance had the latter be-
fore him as q witness recently, and man
aged quietly to stir him up to an outburst OF
ire that fitted fine Of twenty dollars Tor
Contempt Of court. The justice, who re-
manned cool aud collected (the twenty dol
lsrs, may be said to have got in his fine
work.
JEsup, Ga, is being convulsed by a cru
SADIE against goats. The following is from
tho Sentinel Of that place: We still adver-
use for thirty or forty good fighting billy
goats. We want them to butt our Town
Council. There must be tackliug done. Our
city fathers WON'T tackle the goats, then let
the goats tackle them. One or the other
for the council and the goats, too
PERFECT equality in rnatrimony was the
belief of lnts resident of Jamafca, L. l.
AS be married young woman with means
Of her own, he charged her one-half OF tho
family living expenses. II he contributed
to the church or the improvement Of the
village, Just one.haIf Of that sum did ha
transfer from his wife's account 70 his own
Hc <ho m
shat when he gave h;s wife shawl in re-
nembrance OF the anniversary Of their mar
rage, her bank account suffered to exactly
one-half of the price OF the shawl.
CLEANS az MIRTH.
A ecaoo1~Box asked TO define the word
"sob," whispered out: "lt means when Q
Teller don't want to cry and il bursts out
Itself"
DEFINITIONS $3.50 Innocent is to do any
thing aad look like you did not do 49,
"Jeaious Is o person, that is afeared ct An
ether one gsttAng more than he will
AFTER the rider OF an uptown riding
school picked himself up from the tan~bark
be thought3nlly remarked, ~ thought had
improved in horsemsnship ont find have
fallen OFF,
MAMMA, guess have found out where
the pms and needles 60" "Where, childe"
ssWhy, the bees and the hornets use 'em for
san gers, and the DEVILS darning- needles
got the lost shawl-pins.'
A LADY, asked one of her children IN her
Sunday-school class: "What was the sin Of
the Pharisees7" "Eating camels, ma'am."
The little girl had read that the Phar1sees
"strained at gnats and swallowed camels."
AN andiscreet young man once asked
lady her age. "Wait while l count" she
replied. 81 married at eighteen; my hus-
band was then thirty. Now he is twice that
then I must be thirty-si1." els It posi-
ble?'' calculated the other, aghast at this
method Of fenihine computation.
NosA heard an account read in a paper Of
the death of woman at the age OF one hun
dred and seven. "Do you believe that,
Nora2'' she was asked. "Belaye it2 AM
why shouldn It behave it? How do know
that I'm not hoondhred an swim years old
mes]f? Faith, 1 may well be that for ell
know; for sure can't remember the time
whin I wasn't aliver'
V1SD1cT1yE YoUrH-"Yes, I've been cut
out three times by these internal dudes;
rich girl every time, too; but I'm getting
even with the whole tribe Of 'en now, you
bet. They're every one Of them just wish
ing They'd Eever been born; they'll never
Interfere with me again. Friends--"Eh
Joined the anarchists and sending 'em death
noticesl'' 'Better than that I've got Q
Job as bill collector at q fashionable clothing
store''
SLIGHTLY SENSATIONAL.
HOUNDS were persuing deer in fancy
county, No. recently and it sought refuge
in a barn lot in which were number OF
mules. The mules set Upon it aud kicked it
into shapeless mass.
A GEORGIA fishing party is responsible
for the statement that while OF a fishing
ia1nt in tbs, mountains citizen Of Athens