The gold leaf. [volume] (Henderson, N.C.) 1881-1911, 1888-01-26
The "Wiggler's s" Woe.
fThos. P. Monfort in Independence Demo
crat.l


In the Swampville WIggler, of
last week, we find the following in
teresting local:
Last week we failed to get our paper
out, and we feel that We should ex-
plain the reason of its temperance.
While we were up at Dykes saloon to
see a man on pressing business mat
tiers, Col. Jones old sorrel SOW rooted
our Office door down, and getting in
side upset the imposing stone and
pied the forms. She then turned the
galley rack over and scattered the type
over the floor, after which she ate a
keg Of INK, and when we returned she
was up on the press eating the tympum.
We hurried inside to drive her out,
when she jumped down off the press
and took after us and after racing
around the room two or three times
we were forced to skin up the wall and
seek safety on the jolsts. 1t was
narrow escape, however, as when we
looked down we saw the old SOW COM
placently eating a leg of our pants
which she had torn off as we started
up the wall. This was about noon,
and after spending the entire afternoon
in hallooing for help and soothing the
old SOW, we were somewhat relieved
when, just about sundOwn, the old rip,
after eating everything she could chew,
took up our subscription book and
trotted off toward home, thus giving
us an opportunity to come. down Oft
the joist, the sharp edge of wich was
becoming uncomfortable. We gave
chase in order to recover our subscrip-
ton book, and after running five
blocks, the old hazel splitter dropped
it, but not before she had eaten up all
the names of our subscribers. In the
chase we lost our hat, and one leg of
our pants being already gone, the
crowd that gathered to witness the
scene showed an INCLINATION to treat
us in light and jestlng manner, even
going SO far as to make remarks cal
culated to grind on the sensibilitles Of
: cultured and refined gentleman as
we'll as scholarly editor of great
popular educator. Some OF our citi-
zens SO far forgot our importance and
the dignity of our calling as to ruth
lessly and unfeelingly eng:9e in
making bets on the race, while others
indulged in such rude remarks as,
"Get there, old Redtop," " Go it old
bow legs" "Whoop it, old handy
shanks." In the mad excitement #
the race when we had almost over
t,ken the old sorrel SOW, and was just
about to lay hold of her tail with vice
like grip, when Col Stokes old gray
mule, whose presence we had not no.
tiCed, let drive with both hind feet
and plowed couple of burrows through
our hair taking off couple of strips
of scalp. We think our readers after
perusing this will be inclined to be
lenient and forgive us for missing our
last issue. In order to avoid any ac-
Cident in the future we are having a
fence built around our office. AS some
of our readers will probably remember
about year ago an old red barrow
belonging to Major Blake came in
and turned the desk over on which
we were engaged in writing an able
and exhaustive review of the growth
and progress of our city. We don't t
hold any enmity toward Col. Jones,
but We do feel that be ought to make
an effort to restrain his old sorrel sow
from destroying our Office, and if she
is not restrained, we say now, she and
us can not live peaceably in the same
town.