Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1888-04-01
Mr.. AND MRS. B0WSER
SOME MORE OF Mr.. BOWSBR'S ABLE IN
C~ONSISTENCIES.
His Inspection Of JOtnSn's Horse and Johnson
Hons-A Little Conversation, Afsr Which
Mr.. Bowssr Kissed the
Baby.
Detroit Free Press.

II was over to Johnson's this afternoon
to see his horse"
mot with a Visw of buying, Mr.. Bow
ser?"
Suppose it wss or want? l presume l
am of age.
'Oh, certainly, but you know how
dreadfully We were deceived in that last
horse"
1--WE were deceived? Not much! You
were taken in and done for, but l wasn't
fooled in the least"
"Bnt you bought him, and he turned
out to be blind in n eye and ell spawned
up"
Certainly, but l bought him for a blind
and spawned horse. If any one can fool
me on n horse he ia welcome to-"
well, hope you didn't buy Of John
SON"
"You needn't worry. You've taken on
so about horses that / shall never buy an
other one. Johnson invited me into the
house."
''Did hep
Certainly, and l guess it was a plan to
make me ashamed of my own home"
"Why, Mr.. Bowser"
"You needn't why Mr.. Bowser me. II
| had a wife like Mrs. Johnson / should be
a happy a She's smarter than astreak
ofsummer Lightning"
in what respect !"
SIN all respects. She mas been taking
lessons i'll elOcution and she read to me
beautifully. If you would only take a few
lessons in reading instead of dawdling
around with some ~two-shilling rug l might
have occasion to be proud of you"
II have been waiting for you to take
lessons in oratory, Mr.. Bowser."
"What What's that Be a little
careful of your language, Mrs. Bowser l
may not be an orator, but l know some
thing about pronunciation, and l can read
q short paragraph without getting my
tongue twisted up in q hard knot. Mrs.
Johnson also showed me come Of her
paintings"
docs she paint?"
Beautifully. She is one of the finest
artists in Michigan. Their parlor walls
are covered with her work, and she may
we'll feel proud of her talents. While you
have been reading novels with your old
wrapper on she has gone at it and become
au artist. Sac also showed me some
fancy tides which were just lovely. She
bad worked in some deer-heads which
were as natural as life"
"Well, Pm sorry hat l haven't done
better" 1 said as | pretended to wipe away
u tear.
con, you needn't cry over it, Mrs. Bow
SER" he replied. "All people can't he
alike, you know. Mrs. Johnson happened
to be gifted, while you are not. You are
not to blame fcr it. l suppose there are
some men in this world smarter than ]
am"
"Do you really?"
"Well--ah.m-well, / was using that
in an illustrative sense, you know! Don't
feel bad, Mrs. Bowser. There are some
good points about you, even if you are not
smart"
In about a w:2k l was ready for him. ]
couldn't hope u "elocute" successfully in
that brief time, but | hunted around and
found where Mrs. Johnson got the loan of
the patterns fo9 her tides. | bought the
originals ont and out and then i found
that all her paintings were copies from
pictures in an artists studio. / hired three
of the finest for a week, and one evening
when Mr.. Bowser came home to tea / said
TO him:
"Mr. Bowser. | know | am thick headed
and wear No. 8 shoes, and l don't blame
you for sometimes getting discouraged
with me-"
"What's up now?" he asked, az he
looked around.
but, nevertheless, | am not a hopeless
case. ! continued. II have two or three
tides and two or three paintings l want 10
show you. II has been a secret with me
for many months, but l know you'll for.
give mt for not giving you a hint"
Mrs. Bowser, have you gone and
and"
'rPm afraid I'm not much Of an artist,
but good critics have been pleased to com
ment very favOrsbly upon my work. Come
into the parlor, Mr.. Bowser."
"If you've gone and made a fool Of your
self don't expect any praise from me!
What do you call those?"
"Tidies, my dear"
"Horse blankets, you mean! And
you've spoiled 'em at that! So that's the
way you've wasted your time and money,
is III"
Aren't they as nice as those you saw at
MIS-. Johnson's?"
Humpb! Is there any comparison be-
tween a rose aud a Hubbard ~squash?"
well, what about my paintings"
"Paintings! Oh, yes. You furnished an
old sheet, ] suppose, ard hired n house
painter TO lay on the colors. How much
did he charge per day."
What is wrong with those paintings,
Mr.. Bowser? Give me your criticism Of
this ocean scene"
as that what you call it? Well, who
ever saw water Of that color? And look
at those clouds Why, nobody can say
whether they are clouds or tablecloths !
Mrs. Bowser, I'm sorry for you"
Anything wrong with that land
scape I"
lis there anything right? The artist
who called that a landscape, and who took
your money for learning you to paint it
ought to be in State prison !"
isn't it az good as Mrs. Johnson's p"
''Isn't 1t? Mrs. Bowser, I'm l blind in
both eyesw
81 hope not"
ado / live in a cave, and do the owls
boot about my ears?"
'Of course not"
"Then don't take me either for a blind
man nor a greenhorn. Those paintings Of
Mrs. Johnson's are paintings. You see
the real artist IN every touch. These are
simply daubs, and l doub. if you could
get a tea store man to give them sway with
a pound of 15-csnt hayseed. No. Mrs.
Bowser, / don't want to hurt your feelings,
but some one has basely imposed on your
credulity. After supper I will take those
bu~rlesques down and carry 'em out behind
the pig PEN"
After supper I told him the true facts In
the case. He would not believe me until
he had paid another visit to Johnson's,
aud until be had the word of the artist, and
then he gave me q drawn out look,
which seemed to be composed of bullets,
bomb shells and dynamite, and went over
and kissed the baby and said:
"You poor little thing, how nay heart
does bleed for yon! What q dreadful
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