Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1888-08-02

One man is spending all the money
he can earn in taking q girl TO the
theatre and sending her flowers, in
the hope that he may eventually make
her his wife, and his neighbor is
spending all the gold he has saved to
get divorce.
The laborer with ten children keeps
out of debt on $40 a week, vile many
unmarried bank official with SlOO a
week can't get along without helping
himself to the banks's cash.
Robinson takes sherry to give him
an appetite, while Brown, who has
wine cellar, can't touch drop of it
on occount of his apoplectric tenden-
cies. The doctor tells Morrill, that If
he doesn't stop work and take a rest
that he will go into a decline, and
then tells Blakely that if he does not
abandon his sedentary position and
60 some where and work on farm he
will die Of torpidity of the liver.
One man keeps a pistol to protect
himself against burglars, while his
nelghbor doesn't keep one for fear of
shooting some member of the family
by mistake.
This is sort of topsy-tulvey world.
No one seems to oe satisfied. One
man is struggling to get justice and
another is flying from 1t.
One man is saving up to buy a
house, and another is trying to sell his
dwelling for less than it cost, to get
rid of it.
Smith is drinking imported ale to
put flesh on, while johnson is living
on crackers and walking ten miles a
day to reduce his avoirdupois.
One man is ordered to eat eggs he-
cause they are nutritious, and anoth-
er is cautioned to leave them alone be-
cause they produce bile.
You will sometimes see man plant
ing trees about his place for the
shade; and, at the same time you will
see another cutting down all the trees
about his house because they produce
too much moisture.
One rich man wears poor clothes
because he is rich and can do any
thing, while poor man wears fine
cloths because he is poor and wants
to create the impression that he is not.
One man is killed by accident, and
another tries to commit suicide and
fails.
One man escapes all the diseases
that flesh is heir to, and is killed on
a railroad; another man goes through
half a dozen wars without a scratch,
and then dies of whooping-cough.
The prize fighter reforms and be-
comes preacher, while the theologi-
ca! student leaves his university to be-
come a professional baseball pitcher.
The man who can make $4,000 a
year as general thing can't save a
cent, while the man who is thrifty
and wise is seldom so gifted that he
can earn anything at all.
Good people die and bad people
live. The man who Is fat with health
can't get employment, and. The man
who is making money hand-over-hst
has to give up business on account Of
i'll health.
Linguists are keeping peanutstands,
and monkeys are writing for newspa.
pers. In a railroad collision the
dancing-master generally loses his
feet. and the mathematician his head.
The pugilist breaks his wrist, and
the opera singer contracts throat trou-
BILE.
The man with a colossal fortune is
usually obliged to adopt an heir, while
the man without a cent generally has
sufficient number of heirs to satisfy
half dozen capitalists.
One man won't touch bacon for feal
of getting trichina, and another swears
by Bacon because some people think
he wrote Shakspears.-Puck