Waterbury evening Democrat., 1888-12-07
THEORY AGAINST PRACTICE.
An Instance Where Book Learning Was
 Defective.

<A&A AASiHhCo NhSEe GOO& ASsAGLAus w WSS
 Defective.
 s'Tm bunged up considerable ? said red headed young man as hs stood at the foot of Courtlandt street, waiting for the ferry. and felt of the repairs which had been put around on his face in the way of courtplas- ter. 'I'm busted pretty unanermously, but guess can hold out till strike Jerseym
 Been in fightaa asked sympathetic by stander.
 ''Naw-I didn't git started 'nough so you could call it fight. I've been licked though and ain't tryil' to dodge the issue"
 "What got you into the troubleg"
 "Edgercation, sir-readin' when I orter been in better business; blievin' lot of blame fool truck jes' cause it was in book"
 "How was it?'
 'W'y this way: You see had one O these ere gymnazerum books and read it. Says the book like this, you see: A man with his waist bigger round than his chest aint no good physically That's what the book claimed. He's i'ble to give out at the critical moment, says the book. And if he's fat, went on the book, he's dead sure to give out at the critical min ute. He's short winded and his muscles is fiabby, says the book. He ain't no good on earth, says the book awful certain, and no man needn't be 'fraid to tackle him. He's a 'cumbrance on the world, says the book, and he ort to train and git down the size of his waist and boom the dermensions of his chest fore some small man swats him one and walks on him. This was the idea the book held and took it all i'm
 t'Didn't the theory hold good in practiceg' II ain't been able to see it ill that light yet come over from Jersey this morning feelin' pretty O. K. My dimensions are all right. You can crack hick'ry nuts on my chest-I ain't short winded Nothing fiabby bout my muscles. don't give out at the critical mo- ment, says l. After 0 while I was up on Bleecker street lookin' in a winder watchin' Frenchman cook pan cakes on an iron foot stool, when Tong comes a policeman as big's load O hay. He tried to run on me by tellin' me to move on. l sized him up It was foot further round his waist than round his chest if it was an inch. He was fat, too. Consequently, says I to myself, you're f1abby and short winded, and, 'bove all, you'll funk at the critical moment. Then says |: Old hoss, dry up or I'll mob your He steps up and I sails in, dependin' on the critical moment for him to cave." "But he didn't do it!'
 'sDon't know. you see; I was dead at the critical moment so couldn't tell. But have a sneakin' lowdown notion that he didn't. s couldn't swear to nothin', but it's my 'pinion that at the critical moment he was walkin' around on me and reachin' down and poundin' me with a black club bout the size of 6 bananner. He may have slumped at the critical moment, but I'd sooner think that he was dancin' on blasted fool about my size durin' sevral very critical moments. When \ I come to I put on my boots which he had \ pounded off'n me and went and bought court ! plaster by the roll like wall paper. I am \ now goin' home to burn up green covered ! book on physical development, and when I ! git my arm out of the sling shall go to work again and try to forgit some things that I have read. Good-by. "-New York Tribune.