The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1888-11-01
WIT AND HUMOR.

Do you put sugar IN your cosnetlcS?
--Nei0 York San.
Quilts are things that are sometimes
taken from the pinions of one goose to
spread the opinions of another.-hsIl-
derhood Rough Notes.
When a Boston girl has occasion to
make use of a well known proyerb she
says sheol is maedamzed with excel
lent purposes Boston Courier.
Customer Ito waiter) cheese,
please. Wa;ter-Beg pardon. sir
Sorry, sir Cheese out, sir. Customer
That 500 When do you expect 1t
back?-Lye.
Mrs H-Norah. did Mrs. Richly
leave any message when You told her
| was not at home? Norah-No,
maam. she dida't; but she looked much
pleased. Life.
Husband Ca bow-legged man, at
Saratoga Shall we ride or walk,
nv dear?n Wife-"We will ride,
John, love, you look better in car
riage." Epoch.
Miss Belfair-You did not catch my
name, Mr. Blunt. l am Miss Belfair.
Mr. Blunt-What, not the beautiful
Miss Belfair I've heard SO much Off
| PHILADELPHIA CAL.
Mamie-What are you writing,
| Minnie; your will? Minnie-No; I'm
| writing my won't. George proposed
last night, and l told him I'd answer
to-day.-I'erre Hautc Express.
The circus tumbler makes his sum-
| mer salt from u spring board, landing
| on mattress that breaks his fall He
will do this all winter if inducements
are held out.-NeO orleans Picayune.
'sQuimby, hear. is going to branch
| out as a prize-iighter. Holy Grail!
| He'll never make success of it. He
| can't run little bit" No, but mes
| an excellent elocutionist. "-Linc0lf1
Journal.
Skidmore-There goes one of the
most remarkable men of the present
| day. Hawkins-Indeed! Who has he
done? Skidmore-Began keeping
diary Jan. l and didn't stop until last
week. The Cartoon.
Col Bourbon-Parson b. is getting
lots of free advertising. Mrs. Bourbon
What's he been doing? Mixed up in
some scandal. Col. Bourbon-No; he
| has invented Il new automatic cork
screw-1tras SJtings.
| Broker-I'm sorry, Uncle Rastus,
that can't do anything for you this
morning, but charity, you know be-
gins at home. Uncle Rastus-all right,
sab I'll call around at yo' house this
ebening' bout Z, sah.-Ijme.
Child-The minister said to-day that
| in Heaven there was no marrying or
giving in marriage. Mamma (who
had just had a little domestic tiff with
papa)-No, my dear, all is peace and
quiet Philadelphia Record.
There are million men in this
country who daily enter cigar store
and ask: Have you Il good cigar?"
And not one of them has ever found II
tobacconist honest enough to reply III
the negative.-Detr01 Free Press.
You have plenty of reading there"
said Il visitor to the literary editor,
pointing to pile of books on the
editorial desk. They are not for read
ing" answered the literary editor they
are for reviewing. "-B0St0R Courier.
us there any way to make new
furniture look us though it had been
made a century ago." asks CORE
spondent. There is. a houseful of
children viii do it ninety-nine times
out of hundred.-BlrliRgton Free
Press.
Old gentleman (watching little boy
fshing)-Do you go to Sunday-school,
little boy? Little boy-Yes, sir. Ole
gentleman-Then, of course you don't
swear? Little bOy-No, sir; not when
Pm fishin'. l wouldn't ketch nothin'
-Nes0 York Sun.
American-How is business in En-
gland now, Mr.. Jockey. Mr.. jockey
Depressed, indeed. My business is
particularly dull. American-Indeed!
BY the way, what line are you in? Mr..
Jokely--I am an editor of London
Puilch. -L0aCeU Courier.
In a race between a zebra and an
ostrich held in Zanzibar recently the
prize was given the rider of the zebra,
although the ostrich came in 100 yards
ahead. The zebra's Jockey claimed
that his rival won on a fowl, and the
judge sustained him.-Harper's Bazar.
First bon vivant-Do yeu know,
Nervely, that glass bottles injure the
quality of wine? Second bon vIvant
| (seizing a bottle and an empty glass;
Good heavens! Mr.. Knobb, is that so?
Then we won't let this wine stay in the
bottle another minute.-TeraS SJt-
ingS.
Boglar-I see that johnson has gone
into the frog business again. It's one
of the curiosities of human nature that
people will not take warning by
disaster" Mrs. Boglar-''On the same
principle, l suppose, that so many
widows get married. '-Ierre Haute Er-
press.
Chumley-Yes, Clara il certainly a
lovely girl. | used to be cry soft on
her, Dumley. In fact, l t.ink Iwould
have married her but for the deter
mined opposition of one of the family.
Dumley-Her father. suppose. Chum-
ley-No: herself Francisco En-
anai,ser.
Eyes, George she said, Uncle
James is lawyer, rs well as papa and
Uncle Henry PLENTY of lawyers,
dear" he remarked with a loving
smile. Eyes, George; but they are
handy fer young lady to have in the
family in the event of any crawfishing,
you know. Time.
An article recently published on the
universal uses of the hairpin mentions,
among other things, that it is excel
lent to stir an impromptu lemonade. y
Certainly. And if such lemonade
We're strained through fine tooth
comb it would of course, be perfected.
-Ierre HATE Express.
Lady Gray-Professor, among your
lectures on England, Russia, Italy, and
Canada, which draws the best? Pro-
fessor-Canada. Lady Gray-And
which draws the most aristocratic
audiences?'' Professor-O, Canada.
Brings in all the bank tellers and con-
fidential clerks.-Ihe Cartoon.
Miss Waldo (iirmly and with heroic
look in her eYesl-i shall marry