Waterbury evening Democrat., 1888-10-29

E. Hello, old chap, how's the healthm
 First rate, only I've got cold"
 Drink rock and rye. Thatll fix you up"
 Quarter of an hour later met Deacon -, an old friend of my fathers. "Got cold, ehs" said the deacon in answer to the usual inquiry for the health. "WelI my boy, when you go home tonight soak your feet in hot water, drink four or five glasses of hot lemon ade, roll yourself up in half a dozen blankets, and you will wake up new man." A little later and another friend declared cod liver oil and whisky were sure to bring me instant relief, and still another advised me to go live in a Turkish bath for week and have myself rubbed down every morning with alcohol. All amateur physicians, but all with sure cure. Should I trust them or consult pro- fessional! 1 had not felt very sick when met the first amateur leech, but after talking with all and being fully posted as to the danger of letting cold run I already imag- lned had one foot over Jordan and was in need of heroic treatment to get it back again. But what was the use of paying physician? Every druggist is a cold doctor decided to go to a drug store, get good remedy, take it and get well. Being down town on busi- ness l went into a popular place. "Want something for a colds Well, we have an elixir that will bring you out all right. It is put up expressly for colds, and is as good a remedy as has yet been discovered"
 How muchF
 "One dollar a bottle. One bottle will be all you will need"
 "Let me have it,n said and soon I was on my way home with bottle of the elixir in my pocket. I turned the. bottle over and over on my way up in the car, and examined it carefully "How does he know what really needf" thought. "He didn't examine me, and didn't even ask if my cold was in the throat, lungs, head or anywhere else. Oh, l suppose the stuff will cure cold any where, even if it be cold feet. I guess I'll just drop in at dozen more drug stores, and see what will get for the same malady." A druggist on Broadway was my first stopping place. Oh, yes! he could cure me- A bottle of Blanks tolu and liniment was purchased, and I started for the next blue bottled window
 Druggist S. sold mo pills; Druggist M. thought a lozenge of his own manufacture was what needed; H. prescribed snuff; c. thought quinine would cure me, and Drug gist A. had a lozenge he felt confident in rec ommeqding. 1 got pills, lozenges and hq- uids ill abundance-all sure to wrestle suo1 cessfully with that cold; but the funny thing about it all was that no two of the druggists thought neeped the same medicine Each one gave me something different, and when SOG AOlIS anu IdIlSel 1ly DOICleS auu DOAeS upon the mantel piece there was nothing left to do but to throw dice to decide which rem edy should soothe me first.
 A cold must be q peculiar disease, indeed. Go to 5000 different druggists, and you will get 5000 different medicines, each of which will cure a cold One is naturally led to the conclusion that anything that comes out of drug store will cure cold. I hesitated which medicine to tackle, and wound up by going to sleep without taking either. In the morning my cold was gone. Nature had re- l1eved me, but had spent a good deal of money on cold curers.
 DOING IT FOR JOKE.
 had to get my moneys worth out of some thing, and decided to do it out of a practi- cal joke. Accordingly opened every bot tie and box, poured out some of the liquids, threw -'ay half of the loZenges and pills, tucked myself carefully in bed and dispatched 0 messenger post haste for Dr. s. Dr. s. was but short time in answering my call. was very feeble indeed when he arrived. Doctor" I said, "a month ago contracted q bad cold. took friends advice and tried rock and rye. The cold got worse. Another friend prescribed foot baths and hot lemon ade. It did no good. Cod liver oil and whisky made me worse Turkish baths only reduced my flesh. Then I went to the drug gistS-one at a time. Each gave me remedy. | I have taken them all. There is what is left on the mantel. Doctor, am a very sick man. Is there any chances of bringing me | through2"
 The old physician shook his head sorrow fully. "Wait till 1 examine the stuff you have taken" he said. ''How in - did you come to make such fool of yourselfT
 ''l1l stand the abuse, doctor, if you'll save my life," answered feebly.
 The doctor proceeded to examine the cures "Hudnut's, ehl" l heard him mutter. ''Wild cherry, licorice, horehound, whisky. We'll, it isn't poison anyway. A. gives you a lozenge, more licorice than anything else H. says snuff, eh2 Humph! Camphor, cubebs and sugar. c. makes you take five grain quinine pills Pretty stiff dose, my boy. H. tolu, liverwort and whisky. That's luckily not poison. either. Ms Iozenges, cubebs and muriate of ammonia. In heavens name, what else have you been killing yourself withs Whats thiss Opium, suppose2 No, only licorice. We'll, you were lucky that time. And what else have we?-licorice, | quinine, ammonia, cubebs, whisky. For heavens sake, man, if you ever get well again eat codfsh and give yourself some brains"
 "But, doctor, can you bring me through all rightf'
 ''Yes; I'll get you out again, but it will ! De severe uedtuleuC dLo you WILL DS very weak man for several weeks"
 '"I'l stand that rather than these aching, rachng, sickening pains. Give me the pre- scription."
 The doctor went to the desk and wrote. Then be came to my bedside, told me to have the prescription filled immediately, wished me good luck, and left with a promise to call the next day. As be closed the door jumped up and snatched the prescription. It read: 1.-TWO gallons of castor oil. Take wine glass full every three hours until otherwise | directed"
 Two hours later I met Dr. S. on Fifth ave nue- "What, out alreadyf' he asked.
 'Yes, doctor. I am a reporter. I only wanted to see what could be'done for a man if he followed the directions of his friends and the druggists whenever he happens to catch 0 cold. "-New York Press. The Curiosity of Woman.
 Some time ago there appeared in local paper an item to the effect that if a woman saw a paragraph cut Hom a newspaper in her house she would not rest until she pro