The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1888-05-08
Slim Jim.

to hand by this issue of the p. c. AdUer-
tiser, the lucid arrangement and ele-
CANT composition of which have re-
vealed to my ignorant mind the hith
erto, 10 me, unknown capabilities of
the English language.
As is usual in reading a newspaper,
or anything upon which are placed
alphabetical characters in different
combinations to represent words and
sentences as vehicles of thought /
Glanced at the article in question in
the regulation way, but, strange to
saw. could make nothing out OF 1t.
z Upon recovering from my first feeling
of surprise. turned the paper upside
down. thinking that the editorial
corps of the p. C. A. becoming
hilarious and exhilarated by frequent
and copious libations Of certain
soothing syrups, Alphabetically pure,
might for lark have transposed the
type. but ! wronged the knights of the
scissors, for no success attended my
efforts. But a happy thought struck
me-this thing may be clever adver-
Using scheme, and why may not this
tumble of words so indescribably mixed
be nothing more or less than a double
acrostic with a picture of George
w
lustration of the dead brought to life
? by the use of Mother Seigeps curative
at the other This happy train of
reasoning was to be experimentally
acted upon.
I placed the sheet at the exact dis
lance of and 3-16 inches from my
optics as nearly horizontal as possible
and once more endeayored to triangu-
SRfe its contents, again l had TO con-
Tess myself defeated.
By this time / was mad, the air was
becoming surcharged with electricity,
sulphur especially making its pres
ence known and increasing most rap
idly-but happily, an Inspiration
seized me- This could be nothing
more or less than a cuneiform in
scription, or hieroglyphics, and there
in lay my strong point, for in my
youth / had accompanied Marietta
and Lepsius TO Egypt and Layard to
Nineveh, never thinking that the
knowledge then gained would prove
Of such inestimable service to me in
my old age.
| applied the key and after this all
stood revealed before me- The pro-
cess is exceedingly simple. 1t is this,
all you have 10 do is to make use Of a
term or definition meaning the Oppo-
site Of what the writer intended to
convey. The process, however, can be
simplified by not reading such bosh at
all This does away with the neces-
sity of first going to Egypt.
/ discovered that the article had
been written by an individual who
revels in The euphOnic appellation of
Slim Jim,n a nom de plume of such
historic associations that probably no
one but the writer will ever know the
many hours Of studious toll, of con-
slant application to the perusal of such
cosmogeneous works as the Life and
times of Jack SHEPPARD "Poker as
an artistic game,n or the inimitable
educational series yclept the Sea
snide library"
With such an exceedingly sensitive
( organization, such wonderful depth of
feeling, such rare and happy faculty of
expression, such a superb arrangement
Of his ideas, why is it that with all
these rare accomplishments, our friend
"Slim JIM has not Joined the ''hun-
dreds,n who have 'already left Hilo?"
His AleNandrine verses are incom-
parable and perhaps he will give US
more of them. He is "sick at heart"
let him beware, then, lest his cardiac
affection degenerate into an incurable
malady which accelerated by his truly
attenuated condition, Death seek him
with 500 diam. microscope. BY all
means keep "Slim JIM away from
the Kinau wharf, for in the hustle and
confusion that ever attend the de-
parture OF the "hundreds' from Hilo,
one of them may inadvertently pre-
cipitate him into the aqueous element
where dwells the festive shark. Lost
10 the world will be those aspirations
Of poetical beauty with their accom-
panying elegance of diction. And as a
final admonition to "Slim JIM and
out Of a sincere desire for his welfare,
and at no greater cost to him than two
cents, which / expect him to re-
fund in United States gold coin,
would caution him in a friendly
way on the folly of distoTting facts,
q which even correctly represented would
form a task he is but poorly qualified
for BY reason of his utter incapacity.
There is hope, however that in time
he NAV improve his mind and cult
vate his powers of observation to such
degree that he will see things as they
are and rs others see them, that the
word reform does not mean an electric
discharge of light from dark sky only
TO be followed by blackness of greater
intensity, reform does not mean, kick
out one set of rascals, only to put in
another set as bad, but that it means a
slow though constant evolution of
better government by constitutional
\ means, parsimonious outlay not a
, prodigal waste of public moneys, and
that ii means better credit abroad and
greater security at home.
Slim Jim exhibits the boy, but COM
pels our unequivOcal admiration for
his stupendous ingenuity of twist, to
use no harsher expression, when he
throws mud and has his little fling at
the road commission, who in the short
time they have held office have i'm
proved roads in their precinct as they
have never existed before, who have
built eight bridges, have lowered steep
grades, done ether and various work
pertaining TO their Office, to the salts
faction of all the residents, at an outlay
every cent of which can be accounted
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