The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-06-06


Yesterday had personal conflict Of
bitter and acrimonious nature with an
unknown person on my grounds at Staten
Island. desire to speak of It myself
rather than have the matter go into the
papers in earbled state.
i live in quiet portion of the island,
just within sight ofthe produce exchange
tower, Just beyond reach Of the night air
of New York. Here We have civilization
on one had, and the wild whoop of Buff
falo Bills savages on the other. Just near
enough 10 make it exciting.
did not think l would De annoyed
here by peddlers, beggars and fakirs.
Yesterday plain sad man rung the door
bell. He told my representative that he
desired very much to meet me, and pre-
sented his card. The name was not
familiar to me, but I put on my other
coat and invited him into the cold, cold
parlor to which ! invite people who do
not come highly Endorsed.
He was rather quiet and sad in spots.
sympathized with him, for know what
it is to be sad
He had letter of introduction, hesaid
from a well-known liteatuer and con-
frere of mine, which he begged leave to
present. / read it. 1t introduced the
bearer in the usual form and begged me
to treat him kindly, and stated that any
favor shown to him would be gladly re-
ciprocated. then told the stranger that
we had pieasanter room than that, and
would be glad to have him come in
and sample it,
"Now,' said /, touching an electric bell
and ordering large watermelon, what
can do for yon? Would you like to
visit the woman's exchange, or would
you rather give yourself up to an after
noon with me at vanderbilt's tomb"
He said that he did not wish to take
up my time. He had only called on a
matter of business, and would detain me
bnt moment. He then drew from its
concealment somewhere about his person
the prospectus for subscription, book,
and before coald stop him, had said !:
ave purpose in this work to treat of
everything that people want to know
about. 1t has statistics in it, but they
are so presented that you like them. You
read along down the long columns with
the keenest enjoyment. There is a thread
of interest running through these tabula-
ted statements which makes you sit up
till after 9 O'Clock reading them All the
book is socked full of interest and thrill.
and yet it would not harm any one to
read it. That is not ALL 1t is reliable.
Every remark in it is backed up by
statements. 1t comes just at time when
every one is doubling the authorship of
other books and gives TO one and all
feeling Of confidence and assurance when
faith is wavering and the reader is crop
ing and clutching for something tangible
and stable. This is essentially stable
book. 1t tells how to break colts, how to
treat cribbers, bolts, and army worms,
how to bring up children and put down
huckleberries, how to treat a setting hen
during convalescence, how to make a
cook stove or cistern pump draw, how
to. write for the papers, how to keep ants
out Of the pantry, how to make parents
self-supporting, how to purify politics Or
make floating island, how to modify the
tariff or make good, durable style of
pork-brine that will not smell like de-
cayed autopsy in dog days; how to make
moIasses candy or speak piece, how to
tell by pigs meat in the fall whether
We are going to have an open winter or
not, how to bank up house, how to win
the affection of the opposite sex, how to
meet an emergency, how to make ink at
home which will speak for itself, how to
dye dress black, how to remove laven-
der pantaloons from fruit stains, how to
sew up man who has tried to run a
colored german, hints on hen culture,
hints on voice culture, hints on marriage,
farming, revivals, etiquet; how to make
good, palatable poultice; what to do in
case Of drowning, how to make one dande-
lion root serve as foundation for GAL
lon of bitters every spring for 10 years,
how TO amass wealth and dodge the
grand jury, how to snare grizzly bear.
In fact, everything you want to know,
told in pleasant style, for $780,"
1t was at this time that the personal
encounter took place. am not mus
cular man, but my arms and legs extend
in every direction when / am excited.
They are longer and more 1.-THE than
those of the average man. An artist from
Munich once told me that he thought
was the limbiest man he ever saw, and
he had seen a great many men.
l did not permanently disfignre this
person, but / jolted him severely and
confused and concussed him in three or
four places, after which he went away.
After he had gone / became more calm.
I retired to my dressing room, where my
valet turned my cuffs for me- then re-
turned to the parlor. 1t had been left
there by mistake. was cooler. / took
it up and read the name ofthe author on
the title gage. 1t was as follows:
BILL NYE.