Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-04-26
WIT AND HUlIOR.

Sun.
1t seems absurd to speak of q blind
mans fayoGitc color, and yet every
body has heard of blind man's buff
Iid-Bits.
Miss Parloa gives a recipe for max
ing 'skisses." Another good way is to
get up game of Copenhagen.-AoT-
Ttstol0ls Herald.
A Baltimore paper is talking about
the 'scredit due to women" Up this
way they always want the cash.-PbilG-
delPhia Inquirer.
The reason that the old beau's hair
is of that greeuish black hue is that
he is willing to dye for the woman he
oves.-MerchGnt JrGUeler.
A man may have an abiding faith in
the honesty and virtue of his fellow
man, but he doesn't show it when he
PLAYS poker hiladelpLiu Gail.
Waiter-WiI yo' hab yo' beef la
mode, sab? Uncle Outskirts-Course
\ ant it all moved. Think I'm goin'
Ter eat it fore it's cut?-Iid-BitS.
Possibly you never stopped to think
of it, but the two-headed woman must
be either happy or miserable every
Easter Sunday Journal Of Education.
He has been cremated. Fair fem
mime friend-What have you in that
urn on the mantle, Jane-ashes OF
roses? WidoW-No, ashes Of john
Judge.
Briggs is hurrying home, having
been notified of the arrival of twins:
Newsboy-Extra sam, Mister? Briggs
(bitterly)-Yes, just my luck.-IeraS
STtjngs.
Biones-That fellow Gagley tried to
borrow $500 of me this morning.
Smythe-$5oO? He must be cracked!
Biones-No, he's not cracked. He's
broke. Life.
1t has been discovered that kisses
love kisses we mean-are full of cleo
tricity. Now we know why old maids
have always described them as shock
ing-B0St0D Courier.
The boom for a new born town is
like the music of locust wings. One
looks at the little thing and wonders
where all the big noise comes FROM
Noe0 Orleans PjcGyu1ae.
Egg dealers are forming combina-
ton. A pleasant egg combine is made
by combining an egg, q glass of milk,
a spoonful of sugar, and a dash of
wine.-BOSton Transcript.
A small youth, residing at the Hub,
while in search of knowledge few
days since, asked his mother: MA,
when | grow up, will the calves of my
InUS Income WSPp- life
johnny PA, what is Il female
crankP" Father-''Go ask your moth
er, my SON." Gather is busy explain
ing the next moment that he meant
no reflections Teas 6ytsngs.
There is a new pamphlet out, en-
titled The National Bank Act" The
National Bank act of the present day
consists largely of skipping off to En-
lsh territory with all the funds
Life.
Governor - You've been running
ahead of your allowance, Jack. Jack
Il know it, dad. I've been hoping
for a long time that the allowance
would strengthen up enough to over.
take mG.-Iid- Bits.
The New York Sun has published a
list of ''Y Dung Men Who Were Great.
Should it ever publish q list of young
men who think they are great the pa
per manufacturers will have a boom.
Lincoln Journal.
Countryman Cat desserD What We
cali this stuff, waiter? Waiter-Blanc
mango, sir Countryman-I should
say it was blank mango; it's blankety
blank mango. Take away your mango
and gimme pie. Life.
Queen Victoria was born on a Fri
dav. and the Prince of Wales, who is
somewhat short-sighted, thinks Friday
an unlucky day for him. He think:
if his mother hadn't been born he
would be King.-Ltte.
Mrs. Hendricks (the Iandlady)-Is
Jour seat comfortable, Mr.. Dumley,
II are you too near the fire? Dumley
No, / am not too near the fire, Mrs.
Hendricks, but l think | am-er-a
trile tCl near the butter.-Drabe's
Margarine.
Smith IAN old-school medical stu
dent and new boarder, to the mis-
ress of the house, -''Mrs. Jones, you
re Il believer in homeopathy, are you
.0t?" Mrs. Jones-"O, no, sir. What
made you think SOP" Smith--"Your
coffee. fudge.
A married man in Wisconsin when
dpon the witness-stand did not
low his wife'S given name. 1t was
lerhaps not his fault 1t frequently
occurs that men lack the nerve to APP
ply for information they really need.
-LtRcolB Journal.
So long as nineteen out of every
twenty ladies look better IN high hats
than in low ones:the theatrical critics
will kick in vain. And, as matter of
fact. the view of the stage might as
well oe shut off in four-fifths of the
plays Detroit Free Press.
An Ohio man lived on one meal per
day until he could pay a merchant SIS
he owed him. People were just talk
ing about medal for him when he
beat bank out of $3.50. The too
honest man is more to be dreaded than
the thief.-Detr0it Free Press.
She (anxiously) 81 am afraid,
papa he may be angry" He (con-
fdently)-''I think not when l show
him this (taking bank-note out of
his pocket)." She-O, George. let me
look at it first, "-Harper'S Bazaar.
Tramp-Excuse me, captain, can
YOU spare poor chap dimeP | am
Just dying for drink. Pedestrian
(severely)-lneve drink, sir. Tramp
(stfHy)-Did ask you to drink with
me, sirP Give me the dime and III
drink alone.-Drake's Maguzine.
..Did / understand YOU to say. Mrs