Morning journal and courier., 1888-04-16
DOINGS.

''What are you doing with that dry goods caseg' ''Taking it down to the seashore for 8 summer cottage. ."-Boston Saturday Ga zetts. A young man just returned from his we'd ding trip swears that his wife is so bright she uses the palm of her hand fer looking glass.-New York Tribune.
 Consoling friend (to henpeeked husband)- ''Why don't you give your wife piece of your minda" Henpecied husband (dazed)- ''Piece ot my ninds Great Scott, man, she never lets me have any."-Tid-Bits. Tramp (piteeusly)-"Please help a poor cripple" Kind old gent (handing him some money)-''Bless me, why, of course. How are you crippled, my poor fellowW Tramp l (pocketing the money)-''Ffnsncially crip- pied, sir."-Sun.
 "Father," said the editors little boy, "is l the new emperor of Germany an editor I | see when he speaks of himself he says swe'f" 'fNo, my son; that is word the emperors have stolen from the editors without proper
 credit. ."-Peoria Transcript
 Word coinage at Washington reception. Tenth assistant secretary (with an axe to grind )-'Miss Regal, I want to ask you to 1 allow me to introduce Congressman McMack- l in, of,our district" Miss Regal-"You're aw- fnlly kind, Mr. Eager, but never loA"-Tid- Bits.
 "Give an example" said Miss Longbiroh, 'fof the generation of heat by concussion." l" And Johnny Weepmuch said nothing, but grinned and rubbed his back with infinite pathos ss he gazed at Solomons rod blossom ing in leafess grimness over the teachers desk-Burdette.
 In Boston, Mass.-Miss Cult-"I hear that you are an admirer of Russian Itera~ ture, MT. Hubson." MT. Hubson-"Why, really, honor, you know, I haven't read word" Miss Calt-"That's strange. I was told the other day that you just de- voured Caviare with the greatest delight. ."- Puck.
 'tWe had little hypnotic circle in the par
 Tor last night" said Aesmer;, "yeu should have seen me mesmerize the landlord. '" f'That's nothing" replied Whitewoods; "you should have seen me paralyze the waiter. Tipped him with bogus half and he run his legs of for ne before he found it out. t."-Bur- dette.
 On Probation-Arkansas Judge-"Queer thing, that, about Keyser." Arkansas Col onel-"How's that'" Arkansas Judge-"Re- formed, you know" Arkansas Colonel-
 ssJoined the church, ehf' Arkansas Judge -"well, no; he's only on probation now. I
 heard him arguing last night that it was
 wrong to kill man on Sunday"
 Old Mr. Bentley (to his son, home on a'visis
 from college)-'T see by the college paper,
 George, that you are one of the leaders in
 the german" George-''Well, er-yes,
 father" Old MT Bentley-"Well, s'poss
 you ought to have some money to buy some
 German books to read" George (earnestly) -'Yes, father, I think I ought. ."-The
 Epoch.
 Mrs. Smith-"Ss you say your husband has given up drinking Hquor, Mrs. Jenes" Mrs. Jones-''Yes He never enters bar room now" Mrs. S.-"He must have 8 strong will to be able to give it up altogeth- er." Mrs. J.-"Yes, but he takes . substi- tute to enable him to taper off, as it were" :" Mrs. S.-"What is the substitute, do you knows might get my husband to try it." Mrs. J.-'It is something called spiritus frunenti that they sell in the drug store."-