Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1888-11-23
WIT AND HUMOR.

The man who courts evil will get it
IN The course of time--AeeC Orleans
Rcay,sns.
First tramp-Jimmy. what's the latest
style in shirts? Second tramp-Turn-
style.-Terre Raute Express.
1t costs the Grand Turk 81, 900, 900
q year for household expenses. He
must keep at least two girls.-Iine-
1t seems appropriate to put the list
of marriage licenses issued under the
head of court news.-PtttS6urg Chro1a-
icle
1t is now believed that Venus rose
from the sea to allow the hired girl TO
make the bed of the ocean.-Detr0tt
Free Press.
A Cabbage Trust has been organized
on the customary trust principle that
one head is better than two.-Terre
Haute Express.
Funny that fast young man never
thinks about settling down until it has
become utterly impossible for him to
settle up.-TeraS SgttngS.
Christian martyrGn the spirit world)
Were you ever on a rack? Modern
spirit-No, but I've been on dentists
chair.-PbilddeLpbiG Record.
True nobility consists in paying
ones debts before the tradesmen are
done wearing themselves out with
duns.-Neto Orleans Picdyune.
A philosopher says: ''Modesty is a
maiden's necklace" o, my! o, my!
Then it would be worn at full-dress
ball.-Ne10 Orleans Picauune.
Father-..You have Leen three years
at the university, now tell me what
you have done" Son-''l have taught
three dogs to drink beer. "-Ger1na''
Fun.
Many a drinking young man who
goes into a pawnshop would be glad
to take the pledge, but the pawnbroker
won't let him for obvious reasons
Washington Critic.
In Ecuador it is understood that the
employer shall board the cooks family.
The case is similar in America, only
the employer doesn't understand it,
brakes Magazine.
Peddlef-Am l addressing the lady
of the house? Girl-Which lady, the
washlady, the culinary lady, or if you
want to see the doorlady, why that's
me.-Terre Haute Express.
We hear from time to time of severe
storms that do vast damage to Usher
mems boats, but the number of smacks
lost at sea is nothing to the number
lost on land.-ROchGSter Express.
Philadelphian-Tha St. Louis friend
of yours is the most quiet, unobserv-
ING, unobtrusive Western man l ever
met in my life. st. Louis man-Ges,
he used to be a policeman.-Phttadet-
phia Record.
The amount of strength exercised in
an ordinary hand shake is eleven
pounds. If you owe the other chap bor-
rowed money and hope to stand him
off the estimate runs as high as sixty
six pounds. Detroit Free Press.
Sentimental lady-"This world is a
vale of tears. Even the beautiful rose
has thorns." Prosaic visitor-''1 would
not mind that so much, but that shad
are so full of bones is an outrage on
the human race. "-IeraS StttjHgS.
My dear your mouth is 4 perfect
| poem" 80. how can you say such a
thing as that?" ''Wcll, it is like a
popular poem at least. 1t is so widely
red And the matrimonial mercury
fell 40 degrees at once.--7erre HGUtc
Express.
Myrtle-Hes awfully attentive to
her, you know. Lily-How far has it
gone? Myrtle-Very far I'm afraid.
He held her prayer-book upside down
at church, yesterday, and I'm sure /
heard him say "a woman instead OF
"amen. Time.
Don't fret, john" said Mrs. Wig
| gins. you've lost nearly everything
you had in the world, | know, but re-
member you've still got me-" Yes. u
said John, with another heartfelt
groan. That's just what was think
ing. - Journal Of Education.
''Mr. De Cash asked me to elope
with him only the night before he ran
away to Canada confded Gussie.
"And you refused, of course?" Yes,
my dear" she replied; ''as soon as he
told me his enlightenment amounted
to only $40, ."-NeoO York Sun.
whats the name of this play?" asked
a young lady of her escort at Albaugh's
last night at the close of an act. Isl
beria," he replied as he started to go
| out. Thanks, she said sarcastical-
ly, 81 thought possibly it was Two
beeria." Then he didn't 90 out
Washington Critic
Railroad dining station proprietor
eff the new superintendent of this road
amt discharged pretty soon I'll be
bankrupt" Friend-"What's he dom
to yep Hes running the trains SO
regular that the passengers get plenty
of time to eat their meals, hang him"
Philadelphia Record.
Snap actor-I have called, sir, to ask
you to insert line to the effect that /
have just refused an offer of $500 a
| week. Accommodating editor.-With
| pleasure. Is there anything else can
do fos you, sir? That's all, unless
| you have spare dime about you
Philadelphia Record.
1t is all very we'll for the papers to
discuss the question, us Marriage a
Failure?' 1t amuseS their readers and
adds to their sale. But there is not a
woman in America who will be con-
NIuSStt CltLCl one way tl the Quiet cA-
cept by personal experience. Nor a
man either.-F0rt Worth (IeraS) Ga
zette.
What is your husbands business?''
asked the inquisitive woman on the
train after she had exhausted all the
questions in the Yankee catechism.
''Oh,' said the other woman, wearied-
ly, hes lawyer by profession. He
spends his time in minding other peo-
pies business, too. S0meyCiile Jour-
nal.
There ought to be a law in this coUn-
try providing that none but pretty
women should ever wear wells. Then
all the homely women would break the
law for obvious reasons, while the pref
ty women would discard the wells
through vanity-and the eye of man
would be gratitied.-JournaL Of Edit
cation.
Millionaire (entering sanctum)-
ha! old boy, how do you do to-day?
Editor in chief lin a whisper)-'S-h!
Don't speak so loud. M.-Why not?
E.-The baseball reporter is writing
his report in the next room and he has
just given me orders that he is not to
be disturbed either by callers or by
noises.-B0St0H Courier.