The Warner sun. (Warner, Brown Co., Dakota [S.D.]) 1885-1???, 1888-06-15
Mr.. Dlngles and the plaster

penlng TO mention bnaO ldCL III GLo
village store the other evening, was in
formed OF eleven different sure
cures by a eleven different individuals
IN as many minutes. Among the
remedies recommended was one to
the effect that a plaster made OF white
pine pitch and applied to the affected
part would work a cure in from one
three days.
This prescription took Dingles's fam
cy. He believed that nature had a
remedy for every disease that flesh is
heir to, and if every man would be-
come an experimental herbalist and
study the effect OF different herbs on
different diseases and apply them in
~teillgently there would be 40 need OF
doctors and their bills, for every man
would then be his own physician,
which he had no doubt was the inten-
tion OF an all-wise Providence.
Dingles is a prominent member Of
the village church, and prides himself
somewhat on his flow OF oratory and
command of rhetoric.
Next morning Dingles took an old,
cracked, China mug and a Ratchet and
went out into the primevaI forest, and
hacked q pine tree until it yielded him
enough pitch for his purpose. This
he spread thinly or a piece of flexible
leather, and with the assistance OF his
wife, placed it where it would do the
most good. Then he took his hand
rake and went out into the garden to
prepare 1T for the spring ploughing.
The morning was warm, and as he
worked his back underneath the plas-
ter began to itch and burn, and Din
gies winked knowingly at an imagin.
airy parsonage, and said:
"That's the way with Dame Nat
ure's remedies. They 60 right to work.
Nothing homeopathic about them.
Don't have to wait a week before you
know what they are going to do"
And he whistled merrily and said he
felt as though he could jump a five
barred gate already.
Pretty soon he began to perspire,
and the plaster seemed suddenly to
develop legs and feet and era wled all
over his anatomy, till he felt like one
huge court-plaster and his clothes
stuck to him 81 that he could not
stoop without choking. Then he
leaned his rake against the fence and
went into the house, with q cloud on
his usually sunny c~ountenance.
"My dear" he said to his wife as
mildly as circumstances would allow;
"my dear there is something the mat
ter with that ding plaster. 1t has
evidently cured my back, and is now
meandering around my manly form
in search OF other sore spots to heal,
and | will have to get you to help me
capture it. l think it is now under
my right arm"
Mrs. Dingles was dressing the baby,
but she put him in his high chair and
gave him his fathers decorated shaw.
ing cup, with 'Love the glver'' IN
scribed on it in gilt letters, to play
with, aud went to the rescue. The
cup had been given to Mr.. Dingles by
an old flame before he was married,
and Mrs. y. did not value it highly.
Dingles had repaired to his chamber
and prepared for the ordeal. He
viewed his unpleasant position in q
jocular light, and said, as be assumed
a recumbent attitude, face downward,
across the bed, the better TO facilitate
Mrs. DIS movements:
although / never deemed myself a
vain man, yet certainly am stuck
up"
Here Mrs. Dingles, WITH q careless
abandon that showed her entire
ignorance of the business in hand
gave the adherent neither garment a
sharp twitch, which caused Dinglas to
calculate "0hl5 with four exclama-
ton points, anS. brought him to the
perpendicular with q Jerk.
What in thunder are you trying to
do; fay me alive7" he shouted, with
fire in his eye and fight in his voice.
Mrs. Dingles, who is unused to being
addressed ia that manner, looked
frightened for a moment, then burst
into tears, and said thar he did not
love her any more, and she would
take her poor, helpless, innocent
babe, and 60 into the cold world and
earn an honest living for herself and
it, and not be q burden TO him any
longer.
This was too much for Dingles.
Her tears quenched the fire OF his an
ger. He loves his wife and baby ten
derby. and told her SO, and emphasiz.
ed IL in a way peculiar to married
men when making up their little tiffs
with their wives. He assured her that
he was only tooling. and said:
Come, Merier. let's proceed with
this little experiment in viyisectionj
but Tor heavens sake. 60 slow"
Mrs. pingles, who had now acquired
o more definate knowledge OF the deli
cate nature OF the task before her. got
a cas- knife, and BY gently inserting
it's thin edge, endeavored 20 pry the
clinqing arapery loose, while DingIes
wrlthed and groaned and muttered
suspicious Language; and Mrs. Dingles
said, Hush Daniel, remember your
standing in the community and
Daniel, from the depths Of his am
guish, said, Hang the communityl'
Thea Mrs. Dingles dropped her impro.
vised scappel and said che wasn't 90
ing to stand there and be sworn at,
when she was doing the BEST she could
ard Aouf1ced ouf al the roorn .t0ok tn