Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1888-07-11
THAT MAN FROM SALEM.
He GOES INTO SOCIETY AND DEP.
REcATES THE oHELIsk.

New York City Done Up In Crisp Sem
tenoes--scene ON Lower broadway Ped
dlers ON the Cnrb-The Battery-several
Great Men.
Went to afternoon reception at friends
house Stupid piece Of business. Lots OF
folks wandered in. Didn't seem to know
what they'd come for. Didn't seem to
know what to do when they had come.
Talked thus: $50 glad to see YOU"
"What weather we're hayingl" "Have
You seen Smithyf" "Let me introduce
you to Mr.. Catoninetails. Happy to
make your acquaintance. Same to
YOU" when are you coming to see
nsf" ''Two years from next June"
"Deari deari Why, we shall all be dead
thenr "Hope you will" "Thank YOU"
$50 kind of you." "Have you read the
last thing out, THE Fair Bog Trotterf"
ssNo. Can't read. Neverlearned. "In-
deedi How much trouble 1t must save
you'll" '.It does. Save money by it,"
ssBeen sick?'' eyes" "What was the
matter2' "Oh, several things, doctor
told me- Forget the names. New com
plants, you know. New styles. just
imported from Paris" "You say you had
= bad coldf" eyes" 1--WE never have
colds now. We call 'em vitalic suspen-
sions."
That's the way they ratified on and
finally ratified out. Took abundant stock
of each others dresses. Few men pres
emit. What were twirled thumbs looked
amiable, sheepish and tired. Jagged out
after their feminines like little dogs after
their masters. What helpless, hopeless
being man is in shoal of petticoats ON
such occasionsl Looks as If he wanted
somebody to put an end to his misery.
oBELIsK AND OTHER ANTIQUITIES.
Saw the obelisk. Doesn't compare with
Bunker Hill monument; edges Clipped
and worn. Why import stone from Egypt
when we've so much of our own2 Quincy
granite just as good; geologically just as
old. Visited park museum. More an
Equities in stone; regular stone yard;
statuary from Cyprus, nicked, banged and
dirty.
Visited Second avenue and East Side
generally More Germany than In Boston;
more pretzel, bologna sausage and Gam
brinus; more children to the square yard;
more smells, more cats, ash boxes, swill,
ancient fresh fish and human bawling ma
chimes peddling them.
Visited the Rialto, Union square, swarm
ing place for actors looking for work.
Pavement strewn with talent foot deep.
Full Of future stars. Bareheaded statue
of Washington near by on a horse, with
arm extended. Seems to say to the his
trionic throng, $50 west, young men; go
west" Statue of Lafayette ditto, dane
ing pas seul for Wash.
Lower Broadway. Busting at noon.
Everybody on the dead rush. All sorts
Of men. Sad men. Solemn men. Run
down men. Seedy men. Hungry men.
Men whose legs can't carry 'em fast
enough. Men with all their minds mile
ahead of 'em. Men working, rushing,
sweating, shaving like poems, making
money, while the woman is spending it as
fast If not faster two miles up town.
Terrible street to cross. Drivers merci-
less. Wagon tongue threatens ones
back. Ditto going for your front. Men
skipping everywhere, chased to death or
| near it by teams. Newspaper offices
piercing the heavens. Street corners con-
gested with crowds reading bulletins.
More sunburned Italians trudging along
with bales, bags and boxes. Every third
basement beer tunnel. Mad car drivers.
Raving, bowling teamsters. Teeth gnash-
ing cartmen.
PEDDLERs ON THE CURB.
Serene policemen playing solitaire with
their clubs. Gimcrack, shoestring and
shirtstud peddlers on the curb. Sun
baked, cake, cooky and candy peddlers
ditto. City hall park benches full of
gents who've made their fortunes and
have now nothing to do but enjoy them.
Can afford now to wear their old clothes.
Court house. Full of law, lawyers and
lost souls. City hall. Justice on top
weighing out legal prescriptions. Was
shown William M. Evarts. Dried, but
not yet smoked. Necktie slowed. Won
derful limb Of the law. Not much left Of
him to bury. No fat. All gone to brain.
| Il cremated, won't burn. Nothing olea-
ginous on him to kindle with. Am told
he is q chronic objector. Objects to
everything but his fees. ..
Went to the Battery. Crowded with
foreign fathers and mothers of our future
presidents. Don't speak English at pres
emit. Some looking over to Communipaw
| thinking It Nebraska.
Went to restaurant near Washington
market. Attacked at table by rufian.
Turned out to be q waiter. Impressive
language: "Beef steak, gilt edgedl A cup
of coffee, milk outside" Ordered broiled
shad. Waiter fred plate and all at me at
four feet distance. Wonderful precision.
Coffee cups half an inch thick. Nicked
about edge. Pieces probably bitten out.
Visited The Herald Office. Full-of
editors waiting for Jobs. Their spring
| suits not yet ready. Was informed most
Of 'em had been furloughed for writing
brilliant articles. Sent down stairs to
have sharp edge taken of them.
Was shown Chauncey Depew. Nice
man. Genial Eight day speaking clock
at public dinners. Never runs down.
Self -acting stemwinder. Impromptu
speeches built by the mile like Maine
schooners, and cut off in various lengths
to suit customers, times, places and OPP
portunities. Prentice Mulford in New