Morning journal and courier., 1888-04-23
AVOIB.

Do hogs paya asks an agricultural ex- change. AS rule they don't pay if they can avoid it.-Lowell Courier.
 A woman died recently in Boston while singing. A person can keep on defying fate, but retribution is bound to get there.-Phil- adelphia Call.
 Charity begins at home.n Not always. With some men it begins outside and never reaches home; and that's the rea- son some homes are unhappy.-Boston Courier.
 MT. Phlatterly Crying to make himself solid)-"What a remarkably strong, manly face your grandfather had, Miss Phillips" Miss Phillips-"Pardon me, MT. PhlatterIy, but that's grandma. "-Judge.
 He was base ball player, and he asked girl to marry him. "Out on first, ;" she said, with 8 cold rejective smile. 'fDon't fatter yourself" i" he replied as he picked himself up, s'it's cut on third. ."-W ashington Critic.
 Mrs. FIatte-''There is no doubt about it; this is the worst cook we have ever had. Positively not decent thing to eat on the table, but she does the wash most beautiful ly." MT. Platte (gloomily)-"Pity we can't eat the wash. ."-Puck.
 Welded for eternity. Chicago dame.-"If your life is so miserable why don't you get 8 divorcea" New York dame.-'fDivoreea Horrors! We were married in Westminster abbey and the Hrlnc6 or wales sat Tn the royal pew. w.n1Omaha World.
 The Rev. Rowland Hill it was who said, in the early part of this century, that he saw 'tno reason why the devil should have all the best tunes" He would feel that accounts were pretty nearly squared if he had lived to know that Wagner never wrote anything for the church.-Puck.
 the whitewash business, Uncle Rastusi" Uncle Rastus-"Ye sah. Done clean bust- ed.' Gentleman-t'What did you pay on the dollara' Uncle Rastus-''Didn't pay nuffng on de dollar, sah. De Abilities was only seventy-fve cen's. ."-The Sun.
 An Unlucky Reading Notice. "-'sExcuse me, sir," said the business manager to the puff of Smithers' dry goods store just as wrote it." "Well, didn't I.' .tNo, sir. It wasn't published at all." ''Did you write on one side of the paper only!" Certainly" :" "Then guess I must have published the wrong eide of the manuscript. "-Wa ashington Critic.
 "John," she said softly, 'thave you been saying anything about me to mother late lyq" "No," replied John; ''why do you aska' Because she said this morning that she believed you were on the eve of propos- ing to me. Now, do not wish you to speak to mother when you have anything of that kind to say. Speak to me, and I'll manage bn0 DuSluesS WlGn LnOLnSr. Anu JOuu sdlu he would.-Boston Courier.
 Patience exhausted.-"Dot vos no right to tride init peoples liyes," he said to the ele vator boy; "vat if dot rope should breaks' 'tThere is safety rope," politely exclaimed the boy, "in case one should break" 'Ya, but vat if dot safety rope should breakl" "Well, even then the elevator wouldn't fall. There is a brake that holds it." "Ya, dot vos triaing init peoples lives. Vat if dot brake should give waya' The boy eyed him with disfavor. "Dutchy," he said, "you make me tired."-Puck.
 Oh, spriggj billed spriggi
 To thee sigg,
 Add seedt the obedigg roses;
 Faidt padses figg Der sverythigg-
 Gread Scoddi Whad ais our doses5 -Washngton Hatchet.