The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-09-02
BRIGHT BITS.

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did you not kiss the plaintiff constantly
when you called on her?'
Defendant lin breach of promise suit)-Yes,
never stopped kissing her while in the house,
hut | did 1t in self-defense-to keep her from
singing. Exchange.
~ 'OF all the seasons of the year, DR.. Diagnosis"
she said to young physician who was helping
her look at the moon. which do you most pre-
ferr'
II think prefer the watermelon season." he
replied in low, business tone of voce.-The
Epoch.
DuaLzY (who has sold watch)-You told me,
Robinson that if | would let you have the
watch. you would pay me in thirty days It's
good deal more than thirty days now.
Robinson-Not by the watch; that watch
loses twelve hours out of the twenty four.-NetU
YORK Sun.
CoUNTRYMAN docking over copy of "Esop's
Fables, WHAT'S the price of this book,
Mister?
Dealer-Fifty cents. Do you want a copyY
Countryman-No the Teller what wrote it
has stole most of his ideas from the news
papers.-The Epoch.
DR.. PILLsBURY Ito patient)-My dear sir, all
you need is plenty of outdoor exercise Now,
here is a little work that | would strongly ad-
and preserve health It's title is Physical
Culture for the Million and
Patient-But, doctor
DR.. Pillsbury-We
IGtleHl-l NTO-o lLetb DOOh-I tine.
A KENTucKIAN was sick in the hospital with
fever.
"Will you give me something to drink" he
asked, family, of the nurse.
Certainly sir" said the nurse, offering him a
glass of water
lie put up his hand feebIy.
Give it TO me in teaspoon, please, he whis-
pered huskily, I'll get used to it. Washing
ton Critic.
IMPEuUNIoUs THEsPIAN-Say, Brutus, do you
think You can CUFF us fellows with those time
tables sticking cut of your pockets We all
know you walked the entire distance from OSh-
kosh.
Brutus-You do me a great wrong gentle
men, prithee Those time tables are merely a
guide for me to know when the express comes
along in order that may betaRe myself from
tho track in time for safety.-Tcrds Sij'ttngs.
GREAT ScIExT1sT-Don't bother me now
Wife-But l must; there is not thing in this
house to eat.
crate article ON What Primitive Man Ate
and
what want TO know is what is a certain cul-
tured man and his wife to eat?"
'Humph, Well, let me see. Oh. Just sit
down and read that article. 1t will take away
! you appetite, my dear. Omaha World.
"WHEN I was in congress-" said Hon. Mr.
Mufty of Raccoon Ridge, "a certain professor
| used TO come miles TO hear me speak"
"Ah! What was his name: inquired Professor
| spoken.
professor Tootles of Baltimore" said Mr.
| Mufty.
II thought so. said Professor Surtout "He
| has since become celebrated as the author OF
Ten Thousand Mistakes in English Grammar ~
| Chicago NetCs
| Col YERuER came home not long since clad
| in q new coat.
Where did you get that coatP" asked Mrs
Yerger. critically examining it.
splendid coat amt it? Only give SIS for it
| I bought it at Leby's second hand clothing
store"
"Well. let me tell you that it is your old coat
which | sold him last week for IS cents. He has
| fixed it up a little and palmed it of on you as
new"
rs that SOY" exclaimed Col Yerger. NOW
| know what he meant when he grinned and said
| it fitted me just as if it had been made for me
| thought he was lying, but l see now that ]
was deceived in him. And paid him 81 for the
| coat"
He goes to hunt a gun.-Terds S5tiags.