St. Landry democrat., 1888-11-24
SCHOOL Or JOURNALISM.
Colonel Snort Instructs His Assistant How
to Run the "Clarion."

. toAoHoI his ASSISTANT How
to Run the "Clarion."
l The Texas Press Association recently
went on an excursion. Of course, the
i distinguished journalist, Colonel Bill
Snort, of the Crosby County Clarion
aid Farmers V1ndicator, was one Of
=. the excursionists. He was obliged tC
leave his journal in charge of his as.
sistant, Johnny Fizzletop. As johnny
is young and fiighty Colonel Snort had
to give him copious and minute in
structions how to run the paper.
''Now, Johnny, want you to re-
member what | tell you, and carry out
my instructions to the letter." said
Snort.
Colonel, you can rely on inc; but
how about paying the printers on Sat-
urday?"
Just tell them to wait until | get
back. They are used to that sort of
thing"
"But heard the foreman say he had
to have money for a new pair OF pants
on Saturday or he would quit
''Well, if he gets ugly you give him
an order on some of the advertisers
who owe ,s money"
There isn't any clothing store ow-
ing us money!
'No; but Higgins, who has the tin
shop owes us four dollars in trade
What good will that do the fore
manp''
Give him an order Oh the lin shop
for force-pump or something OF the
kind. That will keep him in good hu-
NOR until get back
Suppose old Major Smith calls for
the rent?"
He amt going to call. SHOW him
the copy 6f the editorial in my desk.
1t is headed 4 Social Earthquake in
,, Crosbyville-Major Smith Implicated
Tell him ii he insists upon the rent 5ou
will publish it.
anrpose Miss Pegasus calls to see
about publishing t,Ar poem on Autumn
nal Reveries?'
''Tell her that if she pays in advance
for seventy-five copies of the paper you
will publish it, and for two dollars
more you will mention it favorably as
1sork Of genius in the editorial column.
Don't do it ta;r.dar two dollars, Johnny"
'Any thing else?''
''Don't expose the mayor and city
council anless they give the city print
ing to the Argus.
"Ain't there anybody can go for
while you are gone? want to lave
some I'm myself"
go for the Czar of Russia. He
amt likely to subscribe. Let up on
Bismarck or old Zweibeer, the saloon
keeper on the corner, will take his
ed. out.n
"Any thing else?''
eyes, give Andy Faulkner, OF the
Texas Central; and Gibbs; Of the Sum
set route, favorable personal notices.
Be sure and say Gibbs is a genial pas
senger agent. That's what | always |
call him when want him to give me a
pass to get back home on
''Fll do it"
"And don't forget, if Banker Peter
son returns from New York, to call at
tentioh to him editorially. You might
sling in some poetry Home from
Foreign Shore. If you don't do it he
will order his business card out, and we
need that ten dollars a year"
''How about my grub while you are
gone?'
Bring out Pete jackson of the Cros-
byville Hotel for Congress, and he will
let you have all the meal tickets you
need. If he don't reciprocate, publish
that item about his uncle being in the
Illinois penitentiary.
THAT amt going to feed me-"
JOHNNY replied the Colonel, Sc
verely, cit don't seem to me that you
have any talent for journalism"
Eyes, but I've got to eat.''
"You ought to have established a
free lunch route long ago. Well, if the I
proprietor of the Crosbyville Hotel re- t
fuses to ante up, call attention to the
Napoleonic mind and massive intellect
Of the proprietor of the American House {
across the way. He sets a pretty fair t
able '
'Is that all, Colonel?" !
Remember that if any money comes '
n you are to freeze on to it. Collect G
Ill you can, but don't pay bills. You G
ire my agent while | am absent, but c
'ou are only an agent to take in, not to t
,ay out money. Understand?' t
Eyes, | understand. What else?n O
eff any bottles of wine from wedding I
,arties come in, turn 'em over to the 7
printers if they show signs of quitting il
york. 1t will put them in good humor, o
nd make them feel they are identified O
With the paper.'' a
'.I'll do it, fl
'TheR1 is a ham sandwich in my O
esk. It's yours, johnny ri
THANK you, Colonel" Il
Don't forget to feed the bull pup in o
--~Jack yard" il
Eyes, I'll give him that sandwich, if is
e can bite it, II
''That's right, Johnny. Look on the n
umorous side of life. Goodbye, John A
"" and Colonel Snort started on a run is
} catch the train.-Ie1as sitlings. Il
An Ambiguous Compliment. o.
She was an amateur singer and be- te
lg called On to sing where there was al
0 accompaniment, at once scared into ct
he high notes, ending with a demi-