The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1888-07-07
dait and 9umor,
Shakspearing the Telephone.

Tin an avenue mansion. The telephone
rings-Young Spinks, an amateur TRACE
dian, goes to answer the call.
"There's that dreadful bell 1t sum-
mons thee to heaven or to-Hellol'
as this No 1852"
Given so, my noble lord"
"Who are you 7"
II am thy fathers ghost
'sYou talk more like fool than ghost.
Who are you, anyhow"
II am Sir Oracle, and when | open my
mouth let no dog bark"
"You're another. But now get down
to business. I want to speak to Miss
Spinks.
"My prophetic soul my sister! Take,
o, take these lips away"
"What's the matter with your" Drunk
or an idiot-which ?"
"Faith, thou has some crotchets in thy
head, now"
II would like to put head on you,
young man. Who are you"
"a proper man as one shall see in a
summer day"
"Nobody but an idiot would talk about
summer day with the thermometer ten
degrees below zero"
40, wonderful, wonderful, and most
wonderful, and yet again wonderful, and
after that out of all whooping."
"Well stop your whooping, and tell Miss
Spinks 1 want to speak with her"
ashes beautiful, and therefore to be
wooed; she is woman, therefore to be
won"
II know all that; it's from Shakspears
Sixth Henry; but what are you giving us?
l want word with Miss Spinks."
'sHer voice was ever soft, gentle and
low-an excellent thing in woman"
"All right; her voice is what | want to
hear at this moment"
''Her beauty hangs upon the cheek of
night, like rich jewel in the Ethiops
ear"
Fright again. Now let's have her ear
here"
"Thou contest in such questionable
shape that will speak to thee. | could
tale unfold whose lightest word would har-
row up thy soul"
Well, let's have the tale-the whole oft. "
"Though it would make the unskillful
laugh, it can but make the judicious
grieve."
"What is it all about? Out with it, if
you intend to give it away"
clay not that fiattering JUNCTION to thy
soul"
''Nuff said, then; now give me Miss
Spinks."
"Cudgel thy brains no more about it. :"
''Id like to cudgel your back for you. !"
"Suit the action to the word, and the
word to the action. Come, give us a
taste of your quality. Beware of entrance
to quarrel; but, being in, bear it that the
opposed may beware of thee"
you're born fool-that's certain"
"Angels and ministers of grace defend
us! Told by an idiot, full of sound and
fury, signifying nothing
'sWhat ails you-lager or whisky"
80 that men should put an enemy in
their mouths, to steal away their brains!'
"Correct, againl :
Though am not splenetive nor rash,
yet have l in me something dangerous. :"
at must be something stronger than
mineral water"
"Let Hercules himself do what he may,
the cat will new, the dog will have his
day."
"Stop your nonsense, and call Miss
Spinks for me-
"That's neither here nor there.
'sWhere is she then?"
"In my minds eye, Horatio."
"0blige me, please, by telling me who
you are, so that may whip you the first
time l get within reach of you"
aThe phrase would be more germane to
the matter if we could carry cannon by
our side
II shan't need cannon to do you up.
But who are you"
"a man, that fortunes Bullets and re-
wards has zen with equal thanks. Very
like whale, | bear charmed life.
sWell, then, can't you give me Miss
Spinks."
"a falcon, towering in her pride of
place, was by housing owl hawked at"
"I'll risk the consequence; call the fall
con to me, right away"
sserew your courage to the ticking
point"
"All right-my courage is all screwed
up"
"Here comes the lady. 0, SO light a
foot will ne'er wear out the everlasting
hills A plague on both your houses"
Young Spinks calls his sister to the
telephone and vamooses the Ranch.