Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1888-12-01
Written for TIE EVENING STAR
ETIQUETTE AND MANNERS.
What to Do and What Not to DO IN
Polite Society.

/ MRS. sHERwooD's CORRESPONDENTS COLUMN
| INDICATIONS OF GOOD BREEDING AND POLITE
| SEss-wHES MAN SHOULD REMOVE HIS
| HAT-vIsTrrSe CARDS AND WEDDING PRESENTS.
Mrs. Sherwood will each week answer ten or
twelve questions concerning points Of eti-
quette and manners, selecting such as sug-
gest points of the most general interest to
| readers
These questions having been received, we
| would answer them to the best OF our ability
| promising that as all etiquette in America 10 in
a chaotic state Gas. witness the recent dismissal
of the English minister. which, had it been
/ done in like manner between Austria and
| France or any other two powers in Europe,
would have been instantly a cause of war;,
| therefore. opinions differ so much that these
answers are offered modestly.
| Elaine" writes the following letter.
| DEAR EDITOR: / was going up in the ele-
| vator at the Fifth Avenue hotel and every gen.
| tlemGn who got in took of his hat. / went
| afteTward 20 a downtown shop. and while
| going ND and down every man kept his hat on
Now. what Is the etiquette Of the elevator in
| the United States?"
We should answer that the hotel is like a pri-
waite house in one sense. Ladies go up and
| down in the elevator without bonnets; there
fore gentlemen feel constrained to take off their
hats; but in great business establishment
| they could feel as il the elevator was the same
"a the carpet room. At a downtown building
| gentlemen would also wear their hats, even if
| there were ladies' in the elevator
gentleman always gives his seat to lady
in the elevator however. wherever he is, un-
/ less he Is lame, or an invalid, or unable to
| stand.
ETIQUETTE OF THE HAT.
| Winifred Curtis writes: What is the eti-
/ quette of the hiatt? Should gentleman raise
| his hat getting into public conveyance
where there are ladies' (they always do in
FranceG Now, where should gentleman wear
/ his hat?''
A gentleman may wear his hat in picture
/ galleries. in all assemblies in the open air, in
| places Of public promenade. in a shop. even
when talking to ladies. He may wear it at a
garden party and resume it, even if he has
taken it off, if in draft. He should, however,
| lift il in passing a lady on a hotel staircase
I lecture. concert or theater. OF course while
sitting by lady in any of these resorts he does
not wear his hat. Some men standing in the
street talking to lady will hold their hats in
their hand. but this is superfluous. A man
should, however, always tip his hat If lady
| addresses him, handing him a book, a note.
or any little parcel she wishes delivered to
| another.
men raise their hats as they step into q railway
carriage and again when they descend. but
they allow lady to ride backward to sit in
| the sun. to be very much Inconvenience. when
| by changing seats they could convenience her.
| American men have not so much external po-
! likeness. but they have far more real good
breeding, for they are unselfsh. and whether
they lift their hats not, they will give q lady
the best seat in a railway carriage. an elevator
or an omnibus; but if gentleman is in doubt
and wishes to resume his hat. he has only to
! saw. Il beg permission to resume my hat" and
any real lady will excuse him. If driving with
lady in an open carriage, gentleman always
raises his hat to those who bow to the lady. 1t
Is only decent civility also to- return a bow
| Such civility does not necesstate an after ac-
quaintance. Englishmen wear their hats in the
| houses of parliament, only taking them off
when they speak. The etiquette of our Senate
and House is that gentlemen, however, do not
wear their hats while in their respective assem-
bly, rooms.
Sylvanus c. writes: II have been very much
embarrassed about my toothpick. Is it proper
to use it at dinner party? In Germany, where
was educated, We always used our toothpicks
| in public. and see they use them at Delmoni-
! cos, yet Mrs. H looked at me very hard
when pulled out a silver one and used it at
her dinner"
| Use OF THE TooTHPICK.
| The toothpick. like the nail-brush, should
only be used in ones dressing-room No care
| of the person should go on in public. II is,
however. the custom in public restaurants for
| a gentleman to use toothpick behind his nap
kin, but never at a dinner party il it can be
| avoided. II an obstinate bit Of food lodges
between the teeth, causing agony, it must be
| removed, but it should be done in such a way
as not to be seen. Our correspondent must re-
member that Germans put their knives in their
mouths. nor do the high-bred Teutons consider
this ill-bred. We happen to think differently.
Rosebud Red writes: Il have been invited
| to the wedding Of my friend, Rudolph Williams
He has married New York girl named Miss
willard. and he sends me his wedding cards
but they read: Mrs. Clarke requests the pleas
ure of Miss Rosebud Reds company ON Thurs
day, 25th. at II Huron avenue Now. where
shall l send my regrets, or my card? Mrs
Clarke never heard of me or Of her. No one
of the party knows me but Rodolph Williams Z"
Miss Rosebud Reds perplexity is that Of
thousands. probably, no question Is so often
asked the answer is simple: Always address
| the card or the regret; or the acceptance to the
hostess, Mrs. Clarke. She is the only person
Hiss Rosebud Red has anything to do with in
! this connection. and if the invitation is merely
like most wedding invitations it requires no
| answer at ALL
GUESTS DUTY.
| Tom Tucker writes: II am invited up to
Tuxedo for the Goth of next month. Now, I
want to go to Long Island for that day. Would
it be proper to suggest to my hostess that am
| free on the 27th and would come then with
pleasure?' No. Mr.. Thomas Tucker, YOU can
| not politely do that You must accept or de-
| cline positively. You must, if you go, go ut
| the time indicated. You must come away pre-
! cisely at the time specified in your invitation.
| IL would be better for every one in this
! country II we were more particular as to the
duties OF guest. We are too apt to 60 and see
our friends when it is convenient for u.s. and
not when it Is convenient for them. Trusting
to that boundless American hospitality we de-
cline an invitation for the 9th, saving we could
come on the 9th. We should ask our host to de-
fine the limits of stay. if he does not do it, SO
that we may not overstep our welcome. The
| terms of an American invitation are too apt to
be vague. Come when you can and stay as long
! as You like" are the general terms which is GER
tainly magnificent hospitality, but it leads to
| trouble.
Miss Mary Godfrey writes: when I was
| in Europe last summer I left nv cards
| in Paris with my address engraved in one
corner. / was told that it was not proper
that no lady ever has her address ON her card.
Now, il that Is 80. how could make q return
| visit? II il a great trouble to have to write
in pencil, IL Clarke street."
Miss Mary Godfrey is right. An absurd idea
has been started in Paris that it compromises
| n lady to have her address on her card Tie
best examples of high bred ladies in London
and in New York and all over the world have
their addresses engraved on their cards.
FOR AN AFTERNOON TEA.
Miss s. G. c. writes: How shall dress
| for an afternoon tea?"
| II is this winter the fashion for young ladies
to dress very much for an afternoon tea, almost
| a ball dress il worn ct q coming -out tea and