Western Kansas world., 1888-02-25
HUMOR.

sTHIsTLE do" said the cannie Scot,
complacently, as he finished his new
yacht.
The story of Eve clothing herself
with leaves of figs was merely fg-he1
of speech.
LIZ travelling in an omnibus during q
thunderstorm do not SIT too near the
conductor.
A BACHELOR editor who has pretty
unmarried sister, wrote to brother
editor similarly situated, please ex-
change. Carl Pretzel.
HE-What will you have, dear, candy
or ice cream? She-No, Edward, get
me some popcorn, please. He-Do you
like that stuff? She-Yes, 1 like every
thing that pops.
Mrs. A. (who entertains good deal)
Il have really enjoyed the evening ex-
ceedingly. Mrs. Buck-It's such re-
lief to get out of ones own atmosphere
orce In while.
Il AM tired of your complaining,
said the landlady to the chronic grum-
bier; "even worm will turn"
"Yes'm; but this grub doesn't. DE
troit Free Press.
@WE don't care for the rain," said
one Baltimore girl to another, as she
raised an umbrella; "we're neither
sugar nor SALT" "No." replied the 9TH
er, "but we're lasses.
"FEEs?" said Topper, Indignantly.
"Fees9 Why, in Italy they are simply
awful-and SO pa.try. there's nothing
an Italian won't take-ah, except
bath, you know.-LTe
Mrs. WELLS (about to hire a new
servanD: "Now, in regard to going out
visiting, /" Servant Gnterrupt-
ing: "Och, go out whin liver yes loikes.
You'll not find Bridget Murphy harud,
mum, or dictatorial loike."
MARY Ito Alicel-"Your doll looks
very poorly. What ails it?" Alice--"It
frets good deal Alfred knocked out
one of its eyes last week, and it lost q
great deal of sawdust, and hain't been
the same doll since. ."-TeGas Sitti1lgs.
WIFE Cooking over bilD: "Do you
remember, my dear. how many brook
trout you caught on your fishing trip
last Saturday," Husband "There
just twelve of 'em !; all beauties
Why?" Wife: "The dealer has made
mistake. He only charges for half q
dozen"
A LITTLE girl went into neighbor's
house one day, and some apple parings
lay on table. After sitting while
she said: II smell apples" "Yes,"
the lady replied, al guess you smell
those apple parings On the plate.
"No, no." said she, "'taint them I
smell. smell whole apples. "-BoStop
journal.
The editor of the Danville Neacs
walked up suddenly the other night,
and fired his revolver at burglar
across the room. His wife waking up
at the report of the pistol, screamed
out: whats the matter?" "I've shot
a burglar-the ugliest-looking villain l
ever saw" "Yes," replied his wife,
@you've played the deuce. You've shot
hole through the big looking-glass.
The editor had shot at his own image
in the mirror.-ArcOla Record.
A LITTLE Chelsea girl of five years
passed last summer ON farm in Maine.
Green-apple time was at hand, and her
aunt, to whose care she had been con-
ided, cautioned her against eating
them. But little Eve could not resist
the forbidden fruit. No particular
harm resulted, but her aunt felt it her
duty to again point out the danger. Il
once knew little girl" she said, who
ate two green apples one day. She was
sick all night, and in the morning she
was dead" Silence reigned, for the
little one was very thoughtful. At
last she looked up and said: @Do you
think bod would fordive me if I only
eat one dreen apple and only took two
or three bites out of another f"-Bos-
t07s Herald.