Evening capital. (Annapolis, Md.) 1884-1910, 1888-01-09
NO FUN TO BE A CAR.

Bill Nye's Dissertation on Some Obvious
Discomfcras of Royalty.
If anything could reconcile the average
American boy TO the fact that he is NOT
car, ii would be the late story OF Mr..
Strakosch to the effect that his imperial
majesty once, when the czarowitch played
French obligato TO the song given by
Nine. Nilsson, and that years after, when
he had become a full blown car, the or
chestra affected him to tears, for It
brought back the memory Of that blessed
time when he did not have to put on o
sheet iron ovcrcoat TO go out and get the
morning paper.
Happier indeed was this great man,
with his French horn and his portfolio rs
czarowiteh, living from hand TO mouth,
than in after years as n thirty-second de-
gree czar with mighty empire under his
thumb and q fractious bomb under his
throne.
Greatness brings with it newspaper
criticism, loss OF appetite, languor, cold
feet and death. And even in death great
man docs not stand much OF chance.
Relic hunters come and try TO break into
his grave and carry fragments of his sys-
TEN away to remember him by, and the
historian criticises him to his hearts con-
tent.
For this reason we ought to appreciate
n country where we need not be great If
we would rather not. A ear really has
no alternative. He can avoid being a
czarina by beginning in time, but when
he discovers that he is q czarowtch he
knows that it is good-by, John, as the
Russians have it. Here the rules arc less
severe. A man may escape greatness for
years and years. lie may be president Of
the United States today and promoting
pullets tomorrow.
The utmost latitude Is given to an
American lie cannot only abstain from
beingsgreat, but after he has been great
our people will excuse q man and allow
him to insert himself into obscurity again
in case he feels more comfortable that
way. But czar has no chance. lie
really has no fun at. all. AS soon rs he
discovers that his lineage Is big he is open
to criticism, and cannot do anything un-
digniied.
! A car who would play shorstop in n
picked nine or go about the country dcliv
ering humorous lecture, would be ostra
cized. Many long, hot summer day he
has to stay on big red throne and reigr
while mediocre men 20 fishing. just IA
+ he thinks he is alone and takes of his hat,
ermine trimmed robes, thinking that he
/ will sit IN his shirt sleeves and play o few
i strains on his French horn, a courtier
comes in and, making \ lcs;;- -SS,esssFssgss. Slss
states that he = s.i:ase which ought to
So Seo7ss1cd in time to catch the 2 O'Clock
mail.
! Then it is disagreeable for man to be
! car and suddenly find himself the
parent of grand duke whom he don't
exactly feel at liberty To spank No man
really wants to spank grand duke, no
{ matter how little he is. As Americans,
! we do not fully appreciate the blessings Of
/ freedom which are denied to a car.
Czarinas also have pretty hard row to
! hoe, to use an Americanism. They have
/ to meet all the social demands that are
made upon them and entertain neighbor-
| ing potentates, see that they have hot
/ water and clean towels In their rooms
while visiting at their houses, and show
them the best places to trade while in the
city. They also have to have general
| oversight of the children, SO that their
i distracted country will not run short of
monarch.
1t is no uncommon thing for q czarina
! to say TO visiting dynasty: Excuse me
a moment, your royal altitoodleun; his
nibs, the grand duke, has just informed
me that her eminence, the grand duch-
ess, his sister, has got Linn bean up
her nose.-Bin Nye in New York World