Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-12-12

sOl1E o. TREsR Arr Coon
a NAN may be called deucediy cleve,
whom Ia IL to much so. - Dulslfh Para.
grapher.
A NEW preparation to keep the hands
white and soft is called -anti-chap. /,
viii never prove popular with the ladies.
-Aibany Journal.
A YACHT containing party Of lawyers
was recently capsized among school d
sharks. Total deaths, four LAWYERS,
seven sharks. Epoch.
Mr.. SAILOR, don't yon get awfully
tired OF steering your vessel day aftel
day." @Oh, no, madam. I'd rudder
it than knot. Du,srilie Breeze.
sHAvE you war record?. was asked
Of an applicant for Office. 4Oh, no.
was the innocent reply. I wasn't mar
ried until 1867, - JJdshington Critic.
YOU'VE man, ere You decide that the
majority OF feminine acquaintancesh have
small feet remember that it's only the
small ones You get to see. - 1esre Haatte
Express.
LHEnG 10 oAliy VIC SukC way W 6bOp u
small boy from asking questions. and
that way is not satisfactory II you have
any further use for the boy. --Jou,mal
Of Education.
VISITOR while waiting for hostess) -
And is your mamma still in mourning
for your poor papa, Flossie? Flossie =
Yes, ma am; she is when she goes any,
where. Epoch.
IT is said that Mark Twain has not
rerpetrated joke since he was made an
M. A. This is degree that should be
much more generally distributed than
it il. Chicago Herald.
SENsER--I haven't seen any Of your
poetry lately. POUNDS I've quit
writing. Senser-Upon whom has your
mantle fallen? POUNDS The paw.
broker. ---Lo,ceH Citizen. ~
IT is happy definition which says
A polite man is one who listens with
interest to things lie knows all about,
when they are told by person who
knows nothing about them.
PREPARED FOR THE DULL BLUE MORNING.
-Inskip (who is going out to see the
elephant) Are you all ready. Tom !?
Bigbee Yes; I've even got the $40 fine
in my inside pocket. Puck.
CITIZEN Ito lawyer)-I want you to
get me pension. Lawyer-Yes, sir.
Where We're you wounded? Citizen
@! wasn't wounded; but my substi-
tute was killed. -Ne,c York San.
WlFE-My dear, the pew rent is due
to-day. Husband-W Well, l cant ut
tend to that until settle with my friend
Blifkins. owe him 800 on horse
race, and debts of honor should be paid
first, you know. Philadelphia Record.
AN England street 6-year-old miss,
who has thus early evidently grown tired
of working hard to he good, ended her
little prayer thus the other night
Please, God, make me good girl with
out my helping !'-St. Atbans Messen-
ger
Mrs. JAsoN-Mr. Jason, YOU were
drinking last night Don't try to deny
it. Mr.. Jason-Yep. well, should
think you'd want to go somewhere and
hide your diminished head" "IHhasn't
begun to diminish yet. Te,Te Haute
Gazette.
LITTLE Flo Senborn, upon being CEN
sured by her mother for some small
mischief she had been engaged in, sat
thinking it over" for sometime and
finally said in complaining tone /:
Everything I do is laid to me-
Lo,cell Mail.
Mormon sutton (who has Just been
accepted And now can l see your
your. Young lady (shyly)--My
father, Mr.. Brigham? Mormon sutton
-N-no; yonr sister, darling; and then
/ can see your father about you both.
Nev York sam.
MOTHER johnny, you mustn't play
with Willie Hill any more. Johnny
Why not, mamma? Mother-Be-
cause he is bad little boy. Johnny
Well, mamma, amt so doggone good
myself that you ought to be kickin'.-
Washington Critic.
THREE of the admirers of pretty
Burlington girl called on her the same
evening, and as she answered the bell
in person for the fourth call she took
the opportunity of hanging placard on
the door-bell: This is my busy night"
Huntington Free Press.
FREEMAN Don't you think this doc
trine of infant damnation a horrible
one? Sours Slowly Well, I don't
know. used to think that way, but
since the Howler family ard their new
baby moved next door to me am kind
Of wavering, kind of wavering. Lou
ell Citizen.
"FoND of music, Mr.. Thorobase ?"
"Passionately; music is life to me; it is
rest and food and sleep; / hunger for
it. haven't heard concert for nearly
three months" why, that's singular,
when you are so fond of music; what is
the reason?' "Why, there isn't q con-
cert garden anywhere in our neighbor-
hood where you can get glass of beer. y
--Burdette.
PRACTICE VS.. PREACHING.
Anita had two lovers brave
One, ply sician skillful-
The other labored souls to save.
And to please this maiden wilful
The doctor patients had by score,
For big fees daily reaching
But the parson pleased Anita more
BY his soft and tender teaching.
Though TO decide 1t grieved her sore
Twas practice versus presiding.
And though the parson urged and prayed
Why longer should she tarry2
The wealthier doctor, long delayed.
Got her consent to marry.
Then to the minister the maid
Explained her true position
I'll let you marry me- she said,
-ThAt Ia, to the physicisn."
How to Cook Husbands.
Miss Corson said in the Baltimore
cooking school that Baltimore lady
had written receipt for cooking hus-
bands, so as to make them tender and
good" 1t is as follows: