Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1888-01-27
PdRkER O'BRADY'S "IDIOT-
,SYNCRASY'

Ask any of the ladies who have given
me very fine recommendations who was the
best trained servant they ever had, and
they'll tell you Parker O'Brady. Ask 'em
who was, on the whole, the most aggravat-
ing, they'll tell you Parker OBrady Ask
'em why they kept me, they'll say because
| knew my duties 50 thoroughly that either
as cook or waitress ! was as good as a man.
And | think | may say | was quite as
good as any man, through natural talent
and careful study.
dropped the name of Bridget, with my
brogue and brogans when | left off being
''He girl' and rose TO be ga maid, select
ing Parker as an English sounding title,
suggestive of aristocracy, wealth and style.
Who could fancy Parker stamping heavi-
ly around the table, breathing hard, and
leaning on the guests shoulders to reach
the dishes and who could imagine Bridg-
ct doing anything else | have never
ceased congratulating myself on repairing
the injury my parents unthinkingly did me,
poor souls
You will doubtless remark a certain ele-
vation and fluency in my language which
is partly due 10 one year at a night school,
and partly to the perusal of Lakeside y
novels after hours-the latter, | feel, hay
ing done the most toward refining my cru
dities, and giving me glimpses into high
er sphere of life and its requirements, as
Mrs &. o. ID. Butterworth observes in the
Twin Brides, or Fate's Toy" But di-
gress. You want my views ON the mis-
tresses as class and you shall have them.
Every thoughtful girl of my profession
selects some special variety of this large
and unruly portion of society as being easy
for her to manage Some take rich wild
ows, some timid old ladies', while others
again, prefer fiery model housekeepers who
show fight whom it as credit to any girl
to subdue prefer brides myself, as their
ignorance aud inexpcrience render them
more tractable and easy to get the best of.
' | speak from experience, having lived
with every kind of them-Nassar brides, so
ciety brides, artistic brides--of every grade
down 10 the domestic brides, who waste all
their time and all their poor young husbands
money in getting up economical dishes
which no one can eat and dressing up bar
rels with enough lace and ribbon To buy a
decent piece Of real furniture. For five
years I've rung the changes ON these differ
ent types, run their houses for them left
when / got tired of their nonsense and
never met my match until Mrs. Wetmore
engaged me for cook aud chambermaid two
weeks after she returned from her tour,
and settled herself in an expensive apart
ment ON Fifth Avenue. 1t seemed such a
strange combination Of duties that 1 hesi
tated until she explained that 1t was her
own idea naming at the same time very
high wages also that the washing was tc
be put out, and there was TO be butler
Then accepted at once, having PARTIAL
tv for buffers as being less interfering than
a.,l MI nj far cor
As 20 her idea / saw through that al
once it was economy, though she said il
was simply IAN arrangement to condense
: her household to the limits of her fiat. ~ OF
apartment, as she called it a very fine
speech but was not imposed on I've
heard economy called by finer names thar
that. but as my wages were all right, pre-
tended 10 be dupedt as it were,
Where the cheapness came in ! could moi
see, when Id been over the apartment anC
seen the butler, for both were very high
priced articles, equally ugly and English
| to my notions, aud consequently equally
| stylish and desirable.
As to the kitchen, it contained every
/ thing the heart of IA cook could desire, anC
more too, but particularly like tO. take thu
/ conceit out of my bride at the start by i'll
! forming her, IL don't see several absolute
/ ly necessary articles, but suppose of cours'
! she will buy them 1t does make then
/ feel So green and young And when you'v,
made your mistress feel abashed like befor,
your superior knowledge. you've made you
/ first step toward ruling.
/ To do her Justice, will say that Mrs
| Wetmore never showed the least hesitation
| from the first day to the last but maintain
ed an awful calm that would have don'
credit 70 her grandmother, fairly puzzlinl
me to account for her composure slen
der, delicate looking creature she was too
with large blue eyes, and way of looking
up at you appealing like, that was yer.
taking, until you gradually learned tina
she had no more bend in her than a stair
rod and was Just about as soft and yield
ing,
rather fancy Mr.. Wetmore has foun
that out by this time, poor young man
though he seemed crazy about her then
and if ever there is IA split in their camp,
bet on her, in spite of his six feet and hi
soldierly bearing.
The first two weeks passed of easily
Mrs Wetmore ordering her marketing heI
self. paving cash for everything, Befor
she started out each morning she hande
me the menu for dinner, and that was tn
last | saw her till evening, she was so bus
finishing the decorations of the apartment
rather knocking my theory of economy i
the head by the lavishness of those same.
One remark she did find time for. pleas
understand, Parker she said, in her sweet
est tone, that there are to be no bills ru
up at the stores. You must have Ii,
ready for every morning OF the article
needed, but on no account are you to orde
them yourself.
Very well, ma'am,' l said, respectful
ly, "and | think it's by far the best way.
Here stopped, for if ever woman's fac
expressed, "Who asked for your opinion
in a well bred way, it was Mrs. Wetmore'
And it was Just that way of looking tn,
made me detest her. Looks can't be take
hold of aud answered back, except by otl
er looks YOU know, and I'm bound to COZ
fess that never can hope to acquire TIA,
woman's art of whitening people up to I'll
same extent in sweet silence.
How old should you say she might b.
Baldwin = | said as she swept away tn,
morning.
"Wel, her manners says Baldwin
points toward hundred or so, while h,
looks and the admiration all gentleme
gives her suggests twenty-not more"
"Where did she pick up all this hous
keeping, do you suppose Baldwin ~ said
"WhO taught her =
shes that kind of female, replie
Baldwin, solemnly, polishing the silve
that if You was To say run steam-engin
would get right on and run it without an
instruction, and with that same cOaxir
look in her pretty eyes. Maybe you recC
lect that she was the only one in this esta
lishment that could get the patent lamp
work r
"What if she was y says l.
Nothing says he, gathering up his 81
yer, Except that she is studying you
) lently, Just as she did the lamp, and VIII,
you get to trying some of your dodg
r she'll just manipulate you little, al
? you'll settle down in your proper place
: five minutes, like the lamp, and resun
I work with no more smoke or spluttering
"Deed Mr. Baldwin, it takes mo
than a chit of girl TO manage me, sa
/, hotlv. And before two weeks are OF
$ she'll find Fm not to be either smiled
a stared into doing anything don't want
0 I'll show her ~
r 'In which case" remarked Baldwi
. smiling, Il fancy she will show you tn
4 your place is situated ON the outside of ii
4 apartment, and no latch-key provided"
9 "Oh, you think so y | said sarcastical
n Il know it," said he, easily icons
1 quently my advice is, don't go huntil
e about for grievances just let things sli
, along easy"
Wasn't that just like mani Let thin
$ slide along easy easy when it was
d question Of whether to sit or be sat upo
f i rather thought I'd show him | was II
r quite so easy to manage as a lamp. b
/ the trouble was. | couldn't seem to get
n chance to assert myself. Mrs. Wetmo
t kept on that nasty impervious smile, a
}, simply ignored what might call my list
t minor aggravations which ! tried in TIN
h regular order. Finally | produced one
, my trumps and played that, hoping
g break up her stony calm l left the POI
# pans, boxes, pitchers, plates, etc, tina
l-... l. L.. ..,. 80, - q