The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1888-07-27
Destruction Railroad.

The directors take pleasure in re-assur-
ing numerous friends and patrons that the
road to Ruin is now in good order. Within
the last thee years it has carried more
than three hundred thousand passengers
clear through from the town of Temper
ance to the city of Destruction. while the
number of way passengers is encouraging.
An immense amount of freight, such as
mechanics tools, household furniture, and
even whole farms, have gone forward and
the receipts of the year have been so large
that the directors have resolved to declare
a dividend of five hundred per cent.
The track has been much improved, the
grades reduced to a dead level, and the
switches brought to such perfection all
along the route as to jerk the cars in a mo-
ment from the main track to avoid COLI
sion with the total abstinence engine and
the temperance train which have recently
occasioned so much trouble. In short, we
have spared no expense to make it super
Tor to any road to Ruin ever established.
1t gives MS great pleasure to call the at
tention of the public to the improvement
in our engines and cars. The old favorite
locomotive, Alcohol, has a fire chamber
of double capacity, and patent driving
wheels after the fashion of old judgment;
our wine cars are models of luxurious
conveyance after the pattern of the far
famed gin palaces, where ladies, children
and gentlemen, of the first water, can have
all attention. To keep up with the spirit
Of the times, our whisky, rum and brandy
cars have been greatly enlarged and fare
reduced. Our experienced engineer, Mr..
Broile, and our polite aud gentlemanly
conductor, Mr.. Mix, have been too long
known to the public to need any commend
dation. Indeed, so swift and sparkling
are our trains through all the towns and
villages that some have called it 'the fly
ing artillery Of hell let loose ON the earth"
Tickets must always be procured of Mr..
Mix, at the Drinkers hotel. whe re you may
see the following extract from our charter
from the government.
Licensed to make n stlong man weak
Licensed 10 lay II wise man low
Licensed a wife's fond heart TO break;
And make her children's tears to 1low:
Licensed 10 do thy neighbor harm;
Licensed to cause all hate and strife;
Licensed to nerve the robbers arm;
Licensed TO whet the murderer's knife.
Licensed where peace and quiet dwell,
To bring disease ana want and woe,
Licensed TO make this world n hell,
And lit men tor "A hell below.
REGULATION.
The down train leaves Ginmill at 6 A..
NJ, Portertown at Z A. NJ, Beeryille at 8
a. m, WiueviIle at 0 a. M, B~randyboro at
10 a. M, and Whisky City at 12 m. The
speed Of the train will be greatly increased
as it proceeds, stopping, however, to land
passengers at Poorhonseyill lilo, Hospital
town, %Prisonburg and Fallensyille. On
Sunday cars will be ready as usual, es-
pecially for way passengers, until further
notice.
N. bah baggage at the risk of the
owners, and widows and orphans are par
t~icularly requested not to inquire after
persons or property at RIM depot, as in
no ease the directors will hold themselves
liable for accidents to passengers.
WIN. WHOLESALE, Pres.
/ Ron. RETAIL, Manager.