Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1888-10-03

tnel euStu y! yout Aut0 GU w. HSNISS
breadth of my hand and arm, from here
to there, bar a fnger."-CYouth's Com
panion,eh sodr - " t.A @m''' 80
FIGURES WoN'T LIE.-Gentleman---
What will you whitewash my barn for'
Uncle Rastus (aguring)--Lemme see ;
two an three are six an TO- an 70 are
sebben. Dat job, Mistah Sniff, will cost
yo' fo'ty dollahs.S 5sgs@ "s~s5Ssa*
s'That's too much"
aDat's wat 1t flggers, sab !; yo' kant 60
back on fggers. I lost money on er JOB
wunce kase I didn't fgger on de cost."-
New York Sun. ena '>a
~ "Young man." said the solemn faced
gentleman to the urchin who was puf1ing
with all his might at q cigar. "iet me
warn yousin time that that's q frightfui
vice you are cultivating."
81 amt scared of it,"
"But are you not afraid OF bringing
your poor fathers gray hair in sorrow 10
the grave ?"l 2
"No,I amt"
"Because papa's bald headed. "-[Mer,
chart Traveller. @ ~..- 1a.
IrHusband-"Wife, you are everlast-.
ingly reading books"
Wife-"Yes, + find them very interest
ing"
Its pity I amt book then you might
take some interest In me. "s$A
81 wouldn't object, if you were the
right kind ola book" ""'.'
HWhat sort of a book do you think q
husband ought to Beg"
Gan almanac. so I could get a new one
every year. "-[Texas ~siftings.H"' ."
saF Mamma-Harry, what have you been
doingto the poor dog? He's been howl"
KEarrsMWsn, he knocked over your
feelings were hurt. -. 70 49,,
Nonsense! Dogs can't understand what
you say" 70.
aOh; yes they can when-you' kick
''em."
In THE COURSE OF YEARs.-Citizen Ito
old e~ngineer)-I s'pose in your long life on
the road you have met with more or less
mishaps? ~.
Old Engineer-Oh, yes; lots of em. "
Citizen-Probably ruin over dozens OF
Old Engineer with pride)-Dozens ?
I've run over hundreds - New York Sun.
DESERVED IT.-"My dear. boy" said a
mother to her son, as he handed round his
p~late'for more turkey, "this is the fourth
time you have been helped"
II know, mother" replied the boy, but
that turkey picked me once, q 1 want
to get square with him.
He got his turkey San Francisco
Wasp. ode
DIsAPPoINTMENT.-Mrs. Bascom-Did
YOU see the mummy in the museum, Eb-
enezer? =
Mr.. Bascom-Ya'as, but I was kinder
disappointed. ..an
Mrs. Bascom-Why so? '.
Mr.. Bascom-Why, the burned thing
Observation-Disclosures. '.i -
THE CAUsE.-Widow-Yes. the direct
cause of my poor husbands death was a
quantity of bakers cake he ate.
Minister ION a visit of condolence)-lt
must be a source of great consolation to
you, my dear Mrs Hendricks, that YOU
didn't make the cake yourself.-[The
Epoch. r@ 81 nj '..'
THE CORRECT T1ME.-Dumley (who has
sold a watch)-You told me, Robinson,
that if I would let you have the watch you
would pay me- in thirty days. It's a'good
deal more than thirty days now.
Robinson-Not by that watch that
watch loses twelve hours out of the twen-
ty-four.-[New York Sun. l....y.
Invalid have been here
at these springs, doctor, six weeks, and l
don't see that the water has had the slight
est effect.
DR.. Candid-You must have patience.
There was a man here last season who
didn't die until after he had been here
two months. -CTexas Siftings.
A READER OF CHARACTER.-Mendi-
cant-Please help a poor blind man?
Kind Old Lady-Blind? Why, bless
me, yes there's a dime for you:
Mendicant-Thank We, heartily ma'am.
I knowed the mint I see ye comm We was
a kind.hearted ole 'ooman ."-[Epoch.
IT WOULD INDEED.-Old Mrs. Bent
ley-I see the newspapers say that in a
fight with a burglar old Mr.. Stocking bare
ly escaped with his life.
Old Mr.. Bentley-It would have been
funny if he'd escaped without his life
Judge.
B@ Examiner--Suppose that during a
bloody battle all the officers of your regi-
ment were killed and the regiment thus
left without a commanding officer, what
would you do in such a case?
Cadet-I'd think my chances for promo
ton were very good. s.- -
nag Christian Scientist-Have you ever
tried faith cure for your rheumatism?
Patient-Yes, Pm trying it now. I've
got in my pocket the left hand foot of a
graveyard rabbit, that was killed in the
dark of the moon, und I do believe it is
helping me.
ID-Swell Ito importunate beggar)-I
have no pennies at present, my good man.
I will hand you something coming back.
Beggar, (dolorously)-Ah, sir, it was
doing business on credit that reduced me
to this.
gB Mrs. Dusenbury was talking a streak
about Mr.. DPS foibles. "Gracious !" she
suddenly exclaimed, my foot's asleep"
"Then keep quiet, my dear" said Mr.:
D., land perhaps you'll fall asleep all
over.-CThe Cartoon.
SKEERY TIMEs.-The story is told Of an
old fellow who passed through the late
war, and who for years past was fond of
giving his thrilling experience in the terse
sentence: ''Them was powerful skeery
times."-[Galveston News.
ASSURE CURE.-Citizen-What are you
doinp with that man? .....