davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-11-28
When Il millionaire was a Rara Avis.

When was boy in this town." a
craybcard said as he passed Jay Gould in
i, all street, New York, IL was walking
along broadway one day with my sire
when he pointed out bent old German
going up the steps of his house. look
at that man and you'll see the only mill
ionaire in the United States looked
with wonder as he told me that mill
ionaire was worth million dollars, and
saw John Jacob Astor. His grandsons
can now toss up hundred times as
much so can the Fanderbilts, and 80 can
Jay Gould. tell you that mere mill
ionaire isn't worth looking at in this
town nowadays. By and by you'll see
billionaire !"-Nep York Sun.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-11-28
Looks Black for the Witnesses.

eyes, SIR" said the witness, che fell
out of the sixth story window. There
were six of US in the room at the time :;
there was no quarrel; we were ali friends,
and there had been no drinking. He W as
sitting in the open window talking, and
suddenly lost his balance and fell out. {"
"What was he talking about" asked
iuryman.
"He was telling some smart things
his six year old boy said"
And very promptly the coroner held
all five of them to await the result of the
wounded mans injuries.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-11-28
She Was All Right.

"That Mrs. Ostentatious is outside,
SIR" said the CLERK, entering the private
Office. "She wants to open an account
with u.s."
"Jmph!' returned the tailor, begin
ming to mediate. "Do you know any
thing about her, Griggs2"
no, sir; but she says she is promi-
nent in social circles"
''How often did she return that last
dress to be altcredl"
"i'iftcen times, sir"
That's all right, Griggs. Credit her
with all she needs. ."-Li G.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-11-28
Getting Things Mixed.

Magistrate tabsent-minded, to pris-
onerj-"S Stand up! You hereby solemly
declare, in the presence OF these wit
nesses, that you will love, cherish and
protect this woman until death do you
part"
Prisoner (badly frightenedJ-"Wha-
what's that, yer honor?"
Magistrate (rousing himself)-"Oh, !
beg pardon! It's ten dollars or thirty
DAYS.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-11-28
Theory and Practice.

Theory and Practice.
"What is the half of twenty-fve2"
asked the teacher.
Little JOHNNIE scratched his head and
didn't answer.
"Well, I'll make it palmer" she said.
eff your father bought one cigar that
sold two for quarter, how much would
the dealer charge him2"
"fifteen cents, returned little John
nie.-New York San.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-11-28
A 1T" Fight.

Blobson-''Had little tea fight at our
house last night"
Dumpsey--"Indeed"
eyes: my wife said there ought to be
two t's in better. and said there ought
to be only one."
"Your wife was right"
"Eh! Right? ror heavens sake,
don't tell her, or she'll never let up on
me. Pm president of the Burlington
Business Mems Literary Club. "-Bur-
lngton Etee Press.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-11-28
Why He Was So Earnest.

Maud-"Are you really engaged to
Mr.. Hawkins, Ethel2"
"Ethel-"Yes, hardly know whether
I love him or not, but he was so earnest
that somehow I could not refuse him. "
Maud-"les, l know. When I re-
fused him last summer he told me he was
going to marry somebody or burst before
Christmas. Terre Haute Express.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-11-28
Trim ming His Sails.

Gus-"Do you carry two watches,
Jack, or is that double chain bluff"
Jack-"No bluff, Gus; carry Water
bury in one pocket and Jurgensen in
the other"
Gus-"What's that fora"
Jack-"When a man to whom I owe
money asks me the time 1 consult my
Waterbury, but when a stranger or a
lady wants the same information it's the
Jurgensen that gives it, and don't you
forget it.-Ep0ch.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-11-28
Why Didn't She Say So.

ooh, Mr.. Bixby; wait a moment,
you"
''Oh, I amt got time to wait. Its
time for my car now, and"
"But, I only"
81 shan't have time to go galliVanting
around doing errands for you to-day,
Mrs. Bixby. Hanged if L"
"But James, simply wanted"
"Oh, 1 know-you simply want q
spool of number SO thread and card of
pearl buttons, and basket of grapes,
and a yard of elastic, and forty-nine
other things; and"
"James, I ,,,ust wanted -"
81 tell you its time for my car, and I
shall be too busy to get anything, to-day,
for"
"Wait James; /"
"Well for heavens sake say it quick,
then, and let me go. I don't see why
-n
'Tsimply wanted to tell you that your
collar was unbuttoned and that your
necktie had slipped halfway round"
"Well, why the deuce didn't you say
so, instead of keeping me here all day
and there goes my car!"-Ttme.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-11-28
A Literary Butcher.

A Literary Butcher.
Visitor-"What beautiful library you
have! Ireally envy you."
Retired But hcr-"Yes; and just look
at the binding of them books"
Eisitor-"I see; they are all bound in
calf"
Retired Butcher-"Just so, and killed
all them calves myself what furnished
the leather. ."-Teras Sittings.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-11-28
A Wise Suggestion.

"My dear, why do you change cooks
so often2"
"Because you are always complaining
of the food"
"Well, 1 won't kick any more. Just
hang on to one individual and give my
stomach chance to get acclimated."
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-11-28
A Great Similarity.

"Whenever I see Barkins I think of
the trade Winds" said Ismythe.
"Why sol" queried B. ones.
"Oh, ne is always blowing about his
business"
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-11-28
Within the Gates

Slender Youth-"I am very anxious,
sir, to enter the noble profession of
journalism, TO become master of the
great questions and mighty truths of
civilization, to mold public opinion in
the right
Able Editor" Certainly; I under
stand your feelings perfectly, and am
ever ready to extend helping hand to
aspiring youth. I will give you a trial
at once. Did you notice my editorial
this morning denouncing the brutal
sport of prize fighting and referring to
Jake Slugger as low down, cowardly
blot on the face of humanity?"
eyes, SIR"
"Well, we are short sof reporters to-
day, and I wish you would interview
Slugger and see what he thinks about
t."-PhilqdelphiG Record.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-11-28
Expensive.

Barrowly-'1'm not feeling very we'll,
doctor. My head aches and feel all
broken up generally"
Doctor-"You don't take enough ex-
ercse. You ride down to business in
stead of walking, as you should"
Barrowly-"But l cart afford to
walk, it makes me so hungry, and
lunches cost money.-Harper's Basar.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-11-28

The mother of Sir Walter Scott was a
small, plain woman.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-11-28
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES

Romance of PhonoSraph-AG Great
Similarity Why He Was So
Earnest-Theory and Prac-
tice, ETC., Etc.
He eloved blushing maiden.
But his soul was full of fear,
So he spoke into photograph
The words he'd have her hear.
Her father moved the lever,
And before the day was done
That phonograph was guarded
By a bulldog and gun.
Judge.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1888-04-11
PERSONAL,

DAN L. NASH, OF Pennsylvania, has
been appointed spostotiic6inspector.
FMPERoR WILLIAM left the sum of
thirty marks TO every invalid soldier OF the
war OF 1870.
JOHN A. oGAS, son OF the late senator,
VINO WAS arrested for shooting a Iiotous
Italian al New Castle, has been released.
SENATOR LELAND STANFORD will allow
his name tn go before the Republican ma.
uonal convention az candidate for the
presidency.
FREMONT SToFFLFT, a South R-ula
lem business msn, a!opped dead on Tues
DAY morning In the yard back OF his store
from heart disease. 1t Ia supposed that the
Immediate cause OF bis death WAS from ex-
element caused by an alarm OF fire, as II
occurred just as tho alarm whistle was
sounding lire call.
MAYOR HEWITT, Of New York, has fred
another mt sssge at the New York board Of
aldermen. lie says that while the Irish
born population amounts 10 IL. As per cent. ,
= per cent OF the board OF aldermen are
Irish, more than IA times the normal ratio
OF representation, and that the same ratio of
representation prevails in al the depart
ments except the police, where 2s 10 are
Irish born, nearly double tho normal per
censsge. This, he declares, IL at tue ex.
pense OF the German element The mayor
seems determined TO set the Irish and The
German people against each other.
DR. HOWARD SIMoED's ppsTently died
Monday at Allegsn, Mich, OF sp0plt KY,
after an illness OF = few hours. Toe funeral
wss hxed for Tuesday, but owing 10 the
peculiar conditions which have followed
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1888-04-11
Topper on the Treaty.

Sir Charles Tupper made long speech
In the Canadian House of Commons
on the bill to ratify the fisheries treaty.
There is small danger that Canada will
fail to ratify, in spite Of the noisy dissat b.
faction Of the Eastern provinces and this
elaborate effort on the part of Sir Charles
was probably made with more
view to effect upon the United
States Senate than any influence
upon the Canadian Commons. He
said that the treaty of 1854 had been
abrogated because of mistaken impres-
sion in the states that the British prov
inces had sympathized with the South.
He claimed that this was an error, as ten
Canadians had fought in the Northern
ranks for every one who had fought for the
South, and large number of Canadians
were receiving pensions from the United
States. All this had nothing whatever
10 do with the question before the House
and reference TO 1t could only have been
for effect upon the sanguine-shirted sen.
ators Of the United States who must be
taken back to war days before they can
be stimulated to intelligent interest in
modern affairs.y
Having riveted senatorial attention by
this blow at the statesmen of war times,
he proceeded most cautiously to discuss
the treaty, begging the opposition not to
press him to state its advantages, as
every word uttered would be used by the
other party to the contract" He claimed
that 1t ayerted commercial war which
would have ensued if the president had
enforced the iron intercourse bill passed
by the United States, and very narrow
line separated commercial war from ac-
tual war. A great disaster had been
averted, but " suppose this treaty Is not
adopted by the United States Senate--a
not improbable contingency, in view of
the near approach of the presidential
election and the increased bitterness of
pEty strife" even then he would not
consider the time and trouble wasted, and
though hoping that there were statesmen
enough In the Republican party to over
weigh party advantage, he believed that
the Democratic party to-day possessed
tho confidence Of the majority of the peo.
pie Of the United States, and would con-
tinue to possess it, and that the result of
the treaty would be that that party
would, in all probability, take steps to
provide for enlarged trade relations as
soon as desired by the people of both
countries"
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1888-04-11

Or late q great deal OF attention has been
given to the use OF oil by ships In distress
during heavy storms at sea, and govern.
meDt commissions have determined tho
best kind ofoil for the purpose, and direc-
ted its use, but Wilhelm Meissel, an oflicer
OF the North German Lloyd steamship line,
has Invented an oil rocket that will proba-
bly, make the use OF Oil In storms univer.
sal. The invention consists OF the rocke OF
proper and an oil cylinder with an explod.
Ing chamber. The cyl ylinder is fashioned OF
thin tin, soldered at the bottom and top,
and the exploding chamber IL also made OF
tin and has . hollow tube, reaching into the
centre Of tho oil cylinder, filled with pow
der. The rocket may be exploded under
the water, tho oil, being lighter, paturally
rising 10 the surface.
Many tests Of the rockets have been made
from the steamer Werra Last November
when on voyage between New York aud
Bremen, rockets were exploded success
fully under and above the water, produc.
ing comparative calm over large area.
Before an imperial commission five large
rockets were fired 4 500 feet, and the Oil
from them covered An area OF 9. 900 square
feet "As soon AZ the Oil had spread the
rolling OF the sea was quieted down. These
rockets will probably be OF great value to
life saving stations along the coast In calm.
ing the water betweon tho shore and vts.
sells in distress"
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1888-04-11
For State Rights.

The supreme court of the United States
ID the oleomargarine case, did not enter
at all into the merit of the question
bat simply declared that IL was without
Jurisdiction TO review the decisions of the
state court of Pennsylvania. The high
- court In New York state has decided
TIE question differently from the Penn
eylyania court, and it Is therefore lawful
70 make and sell Oleomargarine in New
York. And it is not in Pennsylvania.
The court of appeals of New York holds
Htas the legislature cannot forbid an
I'M business the supreme court of
Psensylsxaia says it may. The United
states suprems> court says 1t is no bust
nsns Of the United statss what business
nay be done In u state, wiich is for state
ACCESSION, when the business done Is law
ful under the federal constitution. This
T. . decided declar alton in fayor OF state
l.ga's.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1888-04-11

THE State SAM .ary convention at Lewis.
burg, Union county, to be held under the
auspices OF the state board of health, Thurs
day and Friday, May l7!h and 18th, prom.
ises to be unusually fruitful OF intelligent
discussion. Tho programme for the open
ing day includes an address by the gov.
ernor; address OF welcome by ID. J. Hill, l..
l., ID president OF Bucknell University 4;
"The Prevention OF Contagious Opthal.
mia" DIR. p, n. X. Schwenk, OF PhiladeI.
phia; "Diseased Meats and the Prevention
OF Trichnosis," DIR. q. w. Frey, Sunbury,
"The Water Supp y Of Lewisburg," Pro-.
w. q. Owens, Bucknell University. At
the evening session the annual address will
be delivered by Hop. s. T. Davis, Nj. D.,
Lancaster "Cremstion as a Means OF Dis
posal of the Dead" will be treated by DIR.
B. +. Hyatt Lewisburg The second days
programme is equally entertaining.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1888-04-11
A snpreme Court Opinion.

The supreme court Of Pennsylvania
porsists In the construction which it some
time ago put upon the constitution ana
laws Of the state, and which serves to de-
prive the owners Of real cSate on Filbert
street, Philadelphia, Of compensation
from the Pennsylvania railroad company
for the damages undoubtedly suffered by
them in the construction Of the elevated
railroad.
It will be noted that this damage Is
conceded; and it is admitted that the
law Of the state gives compensation for
damages caused by the construction or
alteration of railroads.
Il would seem that there was no chance
at Ill for the contention that the injury
done TO property on Filbert street by the
building of the Pennsylvania railroad,
should not be PAID for and yet there is
but one judge on the Pennsylvania SUI
preme bench who thinks that it should
be. Judge Sterrett alone SO considers.
That Jud ge Sterrett is right and his
colleagues wrong is, we think, the public
sentiment. When the injury done is con-
ceded, and the law requiring corpora
tions to pay for the injury done in the
building of their works is found upon tho
statute book, the case is closed in the
public mind and judgment is given
against the corporation.
Judgment against corporations isis not so
easily given in our courts though we do
not think that our supreme court, as at
present constituted, is justly chargeable
with being under corporation dominion.
There are very fair judges on it, who
have agreed to this decision. The ground
upon which they place 1t Is that the rail.
road company is pursuing its lawful oc.
cupation in doing this damage to Filbert
street property, and that private injury
must be done, in this age Of physical pro.
gress, for the public good which is all
true, and yet the fact does not afford any
reason why the public Improvement,
accruing to the benefit Of the corporation
providing it, should be made without
paying the damage for the injury done
to private property when that damage
can be ascertained. And the only reason
advanced by the court for refusing such
compensation in this case is that no
limit can be placed to the allowance, If
the Filbert street property owners are
compensated, but that other prop.
erty owners more remote from the rail-
road might claim damages. This we
understand to be the argument which
ID readily met by the statement that the
damage must be proved. If there is no
damage shown none can be recovered il
any is proved it should be paid for.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1888-04-11
A lack in the Box.


Andrew Carnegie Is before The public
to iay in two aspects; It is cabled from
the old world that he has rented a castle
in Scotland, just at the moment that
Philadelphia journals report him berat-
ing before the Contemporary club, the
aristocracy of England as very worth
less set.
Mr.. Carnegie has lately published q
book treating of " Democracy in Eng
land ~ and seems TO have found gentle
man, Mr.. Ellis Yarnall, In the Contem.
porary club, who did not have as pro.
found q belief in the soundness Of the
conclusions Of that book as Mr.. Carnegie
has and under the stimulus OF the dis
cussion, Mr.. Carnegie was moved to call
the Prince Of Wales "blackguard,
about whom no one had to believe the
unpleasant stories told of him, because
they believe themselves. To such man
he would not introduce his wife and
daughter" lie said that John Bright,
whom Mr.. Yarnell followed, when show.
ing Americans the House Of Lords al.
ways said he was showing them the great
est lot of blackguards possible, and com
pared their bearing" with that OF the
House Of Commons very unfavorably.
Carlisle, he said, wrote favorably of aris-
tocracy in the glamour Of one who didn u
know them. I" know them," said Mr..
Mr.. Carnegie.
We incline to the opinion that Mr..
| Carnegie will not find IL convenient now
to occupy that castle in Scotland. And In
truth we wonder that he leased 1t in view
of his poor opinion of castle owners. A
man Of SO pronounced democratic senti-
nent and with such hostility to aristo-
cratic institutions ought to have no use
| for castles.
We have observed, however, heretofore
a like strange contradiction between Mr..
Carnegie's theories and practices. Liv-
ing in castle and denouncing aristoc-
racy is not in stronger contrast than pro-
fession of devotion to the interests
of labor, while shutting down mills
and furnaces because he can not
get laborers in iron cheap enough, in
the location that in the general opinion is
the mos favorable in the country for the
econom cal manufacturs OF iron.
Mr.. Carnegie doubtless thinks he
knows the laboripg class, of whom he
once was one just as he thinks he knows
the aristocracy, among whom he seems
sedulously to seek to ming'e. Our judg-
ment is that Mr.. Carnegie knows neither;
and does not know even himself; or
perhaps much else.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1888-04-11

his death, has been postponed indefinitely.
The body remains warm, the color
Of the face natural the limb. In.I rs,s.sd;
deceased's spiritualistic friends believe him
In trance, which condition was frequently
assumed by him In his medical practice.
Tho doctor was one OF the most distin-
guisbed spiritualists In Michigan, and his
case Is being followed with the greatest in
iarest
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1888-04-11
The Portals Of the HEAD,

the lips. allow tho escape OF foul breath when
the teeth are coated with impurities or falling
into cay through neglect. you would not
we'll nigh nauseato your friends and inspire
strangers with disgust, rid your mou tn OF such
Augean odors by purifying your teeth with
sOZODONT, which, II they are not past re-
demption. will revive their pristine whiteuets
ana rein force the shaker members of the Den.
tai family. F,M,w&w
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1888-04-11

THE latest Issue OF our Dumb Animals
is conspicuous with black border around
every page, in memory OF Henry Bergb.
touching and appropriate copy of
Lsndseer's picture, A" The Chief Mourner,"
Is presented, wherein a faithful dog is
seated mournfully watching tho c, fin Of
dead master.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1888-04-11

llllIlS Will tncIn.
We have fixed to sell a great
number of Gloves in the next
ten days. The qualities and
the prices will do the work. We
look to them always for that.
To both: low, very low prices
often trash never. No odds
what the going value for worthy
sorts is, il we can come by the
lots SO as to pass them on to
you for less than half, you shall
have them.
We are in shape to do bet
ter by you in certain kinds OF
Gloves than ever before. Six
Chestnut street windows full ol
samples-a mere spattering
from the bulging lots at the
proper counters. Most of them
at half value; by which we
mean half Of what the common
selling price would be. If you
are Glove wise, a glance will
do; if not, measure either O
these-quality and price-by
any other Gloves in town:
Silk Gloves, black and grays
at 25c; value soc.
English Silk Gloves, tans
modes, and grays, at 3Sc
value, 81.
Kid Gloves, tans, browns, an,
blacks, soc; value 81.
Kid Gloves, with Foster hooks
soc; value 81.
S,2SS pairs S-button Mousquc
taire Suede Gloves, embroid
cred in self colors and black
75c; value $I.25.
432o pairs S.button Mousque
taire Suede Gloves, en-,
broidered in self-color an'
black, 81 value $50.
Last two lots ready at 1913,
this morning.
The occasion is ripe for such
Glove stir as will be the talk G
the city and the country round
Chestnut street side. west OF Main Aisle.
Some Welted Pique price
that will set the stuffs goin.
with a whirr. Feel of this
substance, body finish pric'
I2Hc. Another; many a tim,
we've sold a Pique not SO goot
for soc, but you shall have thi.
for 25c. They say they are ou
and out the best values we eve
offered in Piques.
White Goods crown thei
aisles like blossoming hedge,
of hawthorn, but prices every
where are blown about likt
Summer-worn leaves. The sen.
sation line reaches into En-
broidered Piques. More thar
twenty sorts. All.overs, Flounc
ings, Frontings, Panelings ; be
sprigged, betwigged and be
lowered as daintily as frost
work. And the pretty bits no,
so far apart as to look lonely.
White Plaid Lawns, too
Sheer, crisp, honest in ever,
thread. Eight styles of plaids
In the first blink of the season
and I21ac! You may match
them outside for a half more.
nth west OF centre.
Ladies Linen Piccadilly Col
lars, S-piece capes, &c. From
our own factory. Good value
at I2Hc as the market runs.
Take the measure of oul
Collar and Cuff and such like
business from this.
Southwest OF centre.
Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1888-04-11
q Spent Fiiiy Dollars

In docioring for rheumatism before tried
Thomds' koiectrto on. Used a 90 cent bottle
ot this medicine. ana got ont In one week.
For burns and sprains II IL excellent" JAS,
Durham, Fast Pembroke N. Y. Tor sale by
II. d. Cochran, druggist, l37 ana l39 North
Queen street, Lancaster.