Richland beacon., 1888-04-07

Said a farmers wife, as she took mp her
darning after the days work was done.
'My bones ache, and have fits Of dir
illness and no appetite; and l am worried.
too. about the heifer, John. When
was feeding the stock tonight she acted
very strangely, and refused to eat. I'm
afraid she is going to die.
EYES," said John, with an ANXIOUS
look upon his face. I'm worried about
that heifer myself"
NO CAcsE FOR ALARM.
Miss Ethel about to be married)-Oh,
| I know shall be so nervous Just before
| the wedding.
Miss Clara cher bosom frien6-I don t
I think you will have any cause to feel
nervous, Ethel; am quite sure George
will be on hand. --Ieros SJt'nqs.
so NEAR.
Mrs. Cassidy--Why don't you come
down and see me, Mrs. MGinnis'
| Mrs. M'Ginnis-And it's you that S
talkin, Mrs. Cassidy; and not a sight
did see of We since last Aisther Sure.
if lived as near to you as you do to me
I'd be droppin' in every week
$50 you are to be married :"
"Yes, and to the incest girl i'll the
world, Charley, she's worth a NIL
lion -
"You don't say So Harry, I con-
graduate you, old boy
"Yes, she's worth a million of such
girls as one sees in society,"
"Oh :" Charley murmurs as he goes
Off, "Poor fellow, how pity him -
Boston Transcript.
RUNS AWAY.
The pen is mighty engine. and il
sometimes runs away with the engineer.
-Nicago Times.
Some people see fun i'll coasting
Other people go down hill fast enough
without getting on sled.-SomerriHc
Journal.
| MIXED DISHES.
The conversation bad turned upon the
subject of the relative merits of the var
ious kinds of food as regards healthful.
ness.
"In regard to what ] shall eat OBJ
served the Boston young lady, pleasant
", aud yet with dignity, as she regard
ell the dish before her, 81 never take
anybody's ipse dixit.
al told you, james, said the embar
rassed hostess, st. Louis lady, "that
Miss Howiamcs wasn't really for mince
pie yet"
THE MAN or 1T.
Wife-What do you mean. John,
when you say that my studying German
is real act of kindness!
Husband-I mean, my dear, that il
will give the English language q little
needed rest.
THE BEST POLICY.
"You spilled this ink on the floor
did yon." said the wholesale grocer to
the storchOy; "that is right. Tell the
truth, my lad. l would rather you
spilled barre! of ink than to lie. In
tesrity, my boy, integrity and truthful
ness-let that be your motto. l attrib-
ute my business success to the strict OBJ
seryance of that motto. You can 60 now
and finish stenciling 'Pure Vermont
Maple Sugar On those cans. "-Chicogc
Tribune.
IN FRANCE.
A young man to the object Of his at
lection:
81 love you and wish to marry you,
mademoiselle.
Have you spoken to my parents
yeti"
eyes, and they have given me you1
consent
EVEN THAT PLACE SHUT UP.
Maud awakening suddenly at 3 a. m.
Mother, there's n man trying to break
into the house.
Mother (wearily)-Hush, my child, it..
your father; he's afraid to ring the door
bell. Biagham,on Herald.
"WA N you call on sister Clara, Mr..
Fea.herly," said Bobby, "you never
stay later than II o'clock, do youl' mo
indeed, Bobby, and often not rs late as
that" That's what pa said. He told
ma that there was no danger If your
ever staying any later than quarter tc
II, because the saloons close up at L."
SEEN by ALMOND EYES.
81 saw you looking on at the toboggan
slide in the baseball park on the west
side yesterday" said Brown to the
Chinsman who had just brought in his
laundry. "What do you think of tobog
gaming, John :"
"W-h-i-s-h! Walkee backee mile ~
said the sensible Chinaman.- Chicagt
Nail
HIS FEET.
A newspaper man in search Of i'm por-
tsnt information entered the Office oil
Que Of our leading politicians the other
y,orning and found that gentleman with
9th feet upon his desk and chair tilted
lack taking il very easy.
"How are you!" said the scribe.
"When . gentleman comes into my
c1ice he generally takes of his hat
responded the politician.
"And when gentleman comes into
my Office / take my feet from my desk, u
retorted the scribe.
Down came the feet and of came the
hat, the information was given, and the
| politician and scribe went out to zee q
6an. a.