Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-12-20
ARoMANCE OF THE TELEPHONE.

To be an unmarried writer OF widely
circulated sentimental poetry has its
drawbacks. Ones readers are almost
altogether women. And here and there
among them is sure to be one with dlsln
gagged affections, who imagines that be-
cause you can write OF love, loyalty and the
rest of the exalted passions, you must be
the incarnation of them all; and in con-
sequence pours cut at your shrine her
pent up emotions. Such a woman will
write you, perhaps, that ever since she
can remember, she has longed for sym
patty, for some one to understand her,
for a kindred soul-broadly limiting that
you are that soul. Severl times, before
gave up authorship, l was tormented by
the attentions of such women. The ex-
perience which l am about to relate was
the only one, however, which in any way
Influenced my after life. I was placing
the papers in order upon my desk, late
one winter afternoon, when the following
unsigned letter was handed me by a mes
senger boy:
Mr.. BLANK:
My daughter has been reading your
wretched scribblings and has come under
the delusion that she is in love with you
--yoai you! | epeat-mis cradle little sig
penny rhymer that you arel Though ]
would spurn you from the face of the
earth. / have instead to 1atter your
vanity by telling you that this horrible
delUsion has SO wrought upon her that
her health has given way, and they tell me
she has not long to live. She has begged
for an interview with you, Rather than
let you see the face or know tbs name of
the girl whose good sense you have led
astray, wcald shoot you. [ have how
ever. yielded thus far; if you will come to
your telephone tonight at IL O'clock she
may say what she has to say 80 you by
means Of it. [ shall stand beside her,
both TO support her weakness and to lend
what res probability l caa to such per-
formance. Ii you have such thing as a
well-meaning female relative, let her
stand at your elbow as check on any
thing maudlin that should Judge you
might otherwise be led to say. / do not
ask this as favor, yOuDgman, [ demand
it as the least OF reparatiOn for the mis-
chief you have wrought. Have you no
better business than trading upon the
weaker feelings of Uniformed natured =?
For Gods sake go to,somethlng better!
/ put the letter down with proIop ged
"whew." Here was indeed state OF
things. An irate father on the scene,
and |, an earnest-minded, kin2-hearted,
man "wh0se songs gushed from the
heart" accused of numbering young
women for pay with my pernicious senti-
ments.
What was more l did not want to go Go
the telephone at IL that night. l had
taken q wretched cold. Ny head was q
fountain of water and every one of my
bones ached. All wanted TO do in the
event of my having strength enough to
get home, was to drink a boiling hot
lemonade and crawl into bed for the
night. 1t was with inward male6ictions
on women IN general and this one in par
ticular that substituted for my bed an
easy chair, ga afghan and an open fire,
and braced myself to wait COR IL O'Clock.
Precisely at that hour there came q quick
sharp ring a5 the telephone. l pulled
myself together impatiently FROM fever
ish doze and staggered over to the instr u.
ment in anything bat receptive mood
for sentimental concentrations. / re-
member thinking on the way that per
haps she was going to leave 'E2e fat
legacy. Stranger things had happened.
First there came over the wires q mans
voice, stern ard irascible; easily TO be
recognized by ito resemblance to the tone
of my letter. After satisfying himself
that it was really /, he stepped to one
side, and left me listening to the rarest,
sweetest woman's voice ever imagined.
had done good deal in my poetry in
tie way of describing voices. / had
likened them to rippling streams, silver
bells and the songs of birds. This, how
ever, was beyond and above them all.
Not even the metallic twang of the wires
could hide its rich, sweet toaes. These
were the words into which it shaped
itself:
"Forgive me, that because / SIN going
TO die, dare TO tell you that love you.
j have Thought that if ever there did come
time when you were alone and deserted
in the world, it might help you 60 know
that somewhere, some one was earring for
you as do. God grant that you never
may need ii, but if you do, remember"
1t was very solemn. L could no longer
feel contempt A deep pity stole over
me for the girl who was dying, not for
love of me bat for love OF some ideal she
had built up from her own RIGA and beau
tiful conceptions. | was about TO reply
alphabetically and respectfully that
vas not at all what she imagined me; not
in any sense a mRu to be died for; but on
turning to the telephone I might as well
have addressed the Rock of Gibraltar.
No RESPONSE could be wrurg from it. In
vain l called upon the Central office to be
reconnected. 1t was of no use. The girl
and the girls father had retired into OBJ
livion. There always was something
weird and uncanny to me about g tele-
phone, with its voices from out the I'M
seen; something bordering on spiritualis-
tic communications; and now, had it not
been for the letter, which WAS written on
good, strong, paterialistic Irish linen,
should have felt that had been dealing
with something else than flesh and blood.
As it was I found myself longing TO find
the girl who had spoke TO me; not from
coarse curiosity. / had the feeling that
if once she could get near view of my
insignificant countenance and could hear
my hating speech, her halluclnation
would pass away and she would recover.
With this in mind 1 went early the next
morning to the Central Office and made
inquiries Of all the operatives as TO had
called me up the previous night at II
O'Clock. Nobody knew any thing. It was
a big city. A great many people had
called Up great many other people at IL
O'Clock. They could not tell me any
more, they were sure, and what was more
to the point ! suspected they had their
own reasons for not telling me If they
could.
For 2 week or two looked carefully
through the papers TO ascertain If any
one answering in age and circumstances
to my idea of this girl had died. There
were old men and old women-middle
aged men and little babies-ali gone to-
gether out of this world of trouole, but
every day l put down the papers with a
great sense of relief that IS vet I WAS not