The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-08-20
BRIGHT BITS.

WENDELL PHILLIPS once gave the advice:
Never call a man liar" We never do IL is
much more polite ami just as true to call him a
gas Ineter.-Shoe aud Leather Reporter.
SAYS novelist of to-day describing an inter
view between lovers: between them there
passed All ccStatic kiss" And neither of them
got it! Aw, what muifs they must have BEEN
Blydette
HOPEFUL YoUTH--Is Miss De Cash in?
SeryaHt-Nis sor
Hopeful Youths she engaged?
Servaut-Tis, sir bat he isn't here this
avenin'. Come in.-The Cartoon.
Mr.. HIoHroNE- Really, my dear, wish you
wouldn't expose yourself SO much at the party
tonight.
Mrs. Hightone-No love, I shan't am going
to wear gloves up 70 the elbows BnlinQton
Free Press.
JUDGE--Prisoner, if you we're sober when ar
rested, why didn't you demonstrate with the
officer?
Prisoner-Please your honor, hadn't enough
money with me to pay fine and surgeon s
bill, too-IUck.
SMALL BoY-say, pa! teacher said today
study hard boys, time flies.
Father-Very true, my son.
Small Boy-Well, and a little while after he
said: Time leaves footprints" Now, pa. how
can time" leave footprints if it tiies?-Jttdge
BERTHA--O, Reggy, dear, look at this love of
a bonnet. 1t is the most exquisite one l ever
tell you il cost $50
Reggy-Think you mad! Well, guess not.
I'm the one that's mad, with capital M.-HGT-
per's Bazaar.
WHAT a simple and modest bathing suit
Miss Spider always wears, remarked the min
Eyes, " replied Miss vivacity. unconsciously.
You will always find girl modest at the
seaside when she weighs only eighty five
pounds. Puck.
Tint .
asked a middleaged man at the Buffalo Ii
brary The attendant made search, and re-
piled yes. Did the gentleman wish the book2
"Oh no" he said "ldOn't care to see it. was
simply curious to know if you had it. wrote
it. "--BufGlo Express.
Mrs, SL1xpIEr boarding house keeper)-My
gracious! Bridget, the paper says lots of
nervous systems is bein wrecked by strong
coffee
Bridget-Yes, mum; but
Il don't want any ones blood on my head
Chuck another gallon o. water into that pot. -
Philadelphia Record.
81 KNOW we are poor, dearpapa," said Evelyn.
nesting her head against his shoulder. but
Ethalstane is brave and hopeful and he says that
love will make a way"
II know 1t will, " said old Hyson grimly; Its
made away with six tons of parlor coal and
S22 worth of gas since Christmas, and it's next
winter that's worrying me- ''-Burdette.
PULLMAN PORTER will please give me
your ticket before retiring, sir.
Farmer Oatcake (returning from New York
his first trip on a sleeperl-(iive ye my ticket
afore retirin', Ell! Not much, sir, I've heerd
enough about you felers Here, ye can have
what money | have left. but I'm hanged if I'll
give up my only means of gttin home =
Judge.
You've MOTHER Whose baby has been weighed
by the butcher)-And how much does the dear
little fellow weigh, Mr.. Bullwnkle?
Butcher-Twenty pounds, mum.
Young Mother-ISnt he a splendid speci-
men?
Butcher (dubiously) Well, from my pint of
view, mum, he runs too much to suet.-Neto
York " Ortd
He lat Manhattan beach)-Shall we go and
listen to the music, darling, remain where we
are? You recall what the divine William says:
How silver-sweet sound lovers tongues by
night, like softest music to attending ears!' Or
would you prefer to stroll out on the esplanads
and watch the cool, translucent waves as they
come tumblng in from far of perfumed shores
She (shyly)-No George, dear, let us go and
get some soft-shell crabs.-Neto York World