The Ouachita telegraph. [volume] (Monroe, La.) 1865-1889, 1888-12-08
MONROE. LOUISIANA, SATURDAY. DECEMBER s. 1885,

"There go some OF your constituent ts."
"ias,'' said Tom, sthey are going
down South to teach school,"
Gov. Brough was once matched
against Corwin, aud Ia the midst OF
his speech said: s.Gentlemen, lny hons
oreai opponent himself, while he preach
es advocacy of home Industry, has q
Carriage al home which no got In Eo-
giand-had II shipped across the ocean
to him. How Is that for supportIpg
home industry and labor e'' When
Corwin came on the stand he made .
great show of embarrassment, stam-
mered aud began slowly: "Weil gen.
tietnen. you have heard what my friend
Mr.. Brough, has 10 say Of my carriage.
plead guilty to tho charges, aud have
only two things to say In my defense.
Tne first Is that the Cat rtage came to
me from an English ancestor as IN
heirloom, aud I had to take II. Again
1 have not used II for seven years, and
II has been standing in my back yard
all that time, and the chickeus have
converted 1t into q roest. Now, gem
tiemen;" with a steady look ut BrouIh,
81 have nothing further 10 say Ia my
defense but would like to know
how Brcugh knows anythiug about my
Carriage II he has not been visiting
my chicken roost. -
There are mauy stories told Of the
satical relorts of John Randolph.
Hon. Nathan Macon, of North Carolina,
was one OF his few intimate friends.
They served together In both houses,
and Mr.. Macon retired In 1915. His
successor made every effort to succeed
him in the good graces Of Mr.. RAM
dolph. Mr.. Randolph snubbed him.
He was not long In seixiug the arst op.
portunity to assail Randolph 10 debate.
Randolph made 20 sort Of reply, but
in few days after, ia discussing some
subject, said "Mr. Speaker, I am re-
minded Of a remark OF my friend, Ma.
thaniet Macon, of North Carolina, the
wisest man / ever knew" and then
pointing his long, lean finger at the
seat formerly occupied by Mr.. Macon,
but at that time by his successor, con.
tinued, "but whose seat Ia this House,
am sorry to say, 10 now vacant! VA
cant! vacant !"
Not infrequentiy sharp lawyers have
more than found their match iu iesiy
aud obdnrate witnesses. ssrhere's brass
enough in your face to make q kettle
off, said 4 lawyer to crusty old maid
whose testimony. he was unable to
break down. 'And sap enough In
your head to tili it," was all he rot for
his pains.
! Foote, the comedian, iu the last GEN.
tury, enjoyed fius reputation for his
ever-ready replies. gentleman prais.
ed the charms OF very plain woman.
"Why don't you lsy claim to such
an accomplished beauty ?' whis-
pered Foote. "What right have 10
her?' EVERY right, by the law uf
nations, as the first discouerer,r
Byron was equally ready and ss ga
! tirical. When one evening at the Hul-
land House the conversation turned on
first love, Tom Moore compared Il to .
potato, "becauss 1t shoots from the
eye" "Or, rather" exclaimed Byron,
''because it grows less by 10airing.''
! Richard Brinsiey Sheridan, the su-
thor OF the "School for Scandal" was
celebrated Tor his impromptu replies.
Lord ErskiDe once said, in the pres
euce Of Lady Erskine und the waR,
''tha' wife was a tea canister tied TO
Il dogs tuil.' 'rheu Sheridan ut ouce
got Off;
| Lord Ersk inc at woman presuming TO rail-,
! Calls his wifo a tin canister tied to ones
! tail,
And fair Lady Ann, while the suhject he
| carries on,
Seems hurt at his T.ordship's degrading
comparison.
But wherefore degrading considered Alright,
A canistsr's useful polished and bright;
! And shoulL dit its original purity hide,
It's the fault Of the puppy on whom 1t II
tied.
Curran was ready, as the Irish al.
ways are, but SOU. .times met his
mach. "i wish, Rev. Father" said
Cn'ran to Father O'Lesry, "lhat you
were st. Peter, and had the keys oi
heaven, because then you would let me
iu.' "Upou my honor and cousci.
ence,' replied O'Leary, "it were bet.
ter had the keys to the other place.
then would let you out"
Said ii dissipated duke to Foota the
comedian, "What new character shall
! go ia TO the masquerade ?" "Go so
ber," WAS the quick retort.
Advice to Mothers.