Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-10-01
CAUGHT By rHa FLOOD.
narrowing Experiences Of Jay Eli Bee
En- Route for Readfsld.
Mn. Enron:

Mr.. EDIroR
Can you swim? If you cannot, immediate
~ diEest yourself of all superauous appare
and take header from your back window OIL
| any other convenient locality and mingl.
Yourself promiscuously with the angry, seetb
| ng waters Of the Kennebec. Struggle man.
fully with the cold, cruel tide for two hour,
md seventy minutes, standard, and if alive.
srite an elaborate article on the Perils and
Pleasures of Liquid Folly, embellish i
Hith numerous pangs Of conscience and sup
posably last gurgles and present it to the
public and sign our name to it as a guarantee
'f perfect reliability.
We have, during our somewhat back-gam-
mon career, been considerably exercised in
'ur mind, lest our good name might be hand
ed down to posterity without due appreca-
ioa. But let come what may we are bound
10 EXCEL a. promoter Of truth if we have
to lie to do it. SO with your permission we'll
Tell it as it is. The fair was postponed to
tirst good day and nothing seemed easier than
. drive through the thickenng mists to Au-
susta. Loading the cart with our best girl
h don't mention it, but we had both of 'em
we just imagined ourself captain and
in nautical phraseology took the
Wind on the port quarter, SHAPED
our course to eastrd and let her bile"
Water is an element we Maine folks dote
on. We believe in water. We talk water
and drink water-hem mostly; but when
{ tumbles in torrents on a land already
abundantly supplied-when it eddys around
over your carriage top-backs up against the
wind out of pure contrariness, and slyly
creeps along your best Sunday hat brim,
oserfiows, and tending downward, destroys
your only paper collar in its passage. losing
itself among the intricate folds of numerous
clothes-the bill of which was received yes
terday with PLEASE REMIT" in bold, glar.
ing letters on the left-hand lower corner of
the frs, page-congregates on the carriage
seat with persistency heretofore unknown,
until the accumulation, to say the least, is
exceedingly uncomfortable and the chances
To "slop over are extremely prominent.
Then, and not until then. Mr.. Editor, car
man understand the onward inwarlness' of
the beautiful words of the song. Drifting,
drifting, slowly drifting" Aud still the gale
increases. Various crooks in the road and
into closer communion with Probabilities"
rampant.
Grand old trees that have withstood the
storms of ages topplei over before the ter
rushing to the vale below, and it is
now plain to us that the man vino built
upon rock was level headed
chap and knew what was what. Our arrival
ought to give us record, for we paid our
entrance fee and done our best.
OF our appearance at this stage of an
eventful life, the least said, perhaps, the bet
ter. But truth, the whole truth and nothing
but the truth babbles up within me and the
acquired desire to do the honest thing pre-
walls.
Mr.. Editor--in your extended sojourn
among mankind you have undoubtedly
viewed the remnants of warm suit of
clothes that hal but few moments before
made the passage of threshing machine
heater with a man in them-you have gized
with trembling eyelids on the results of a
railroad catastrophe-you have witnessed
yacht races where the winner was ished up
from the bottom to receive the trophy due
his carelessness-you have seen hens
"chucked" into tub of water to break up
habit bestowed ON them by nature--you have
seen drowned rats-you have seen us. Can
you swimf If so, go to the fairs with per-
feet confidence in yourself to overcome all
the difficulties attending them-and stick to
the truth whatever may come.
JAY EFF BEE.