The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1888-09-29
MISCELLANEOUS.

cause he was talking to his superior
officer.
The man who finds fault with
every thing, usually does so because
he wants to get even on the amount of
fault that is found with him. Merchant
Traveller.
An even temper laughs at the ther-
mometer, and better is flannel shirt
with GOODNESS and contentment than a
'sealskin overcoat with forward mind.
N. 7. Sun.
-'Cholly-"I say, Binx, did you
ever witness a burial at sea?" Blink
F'No, never saw a burial, but we had d
wake behind us all the way over last
trip."-Harper'S Bazar.
Ut takes a year, my dear" said
an old lady to bride of a couple of
months who was anxious about her
husbands affection, "to know man
and then you know nothing about him. "
Doctor (to patient, who complains
of great number of troubles): What
a splendid fund of health you must pos
sess, my dear madam, to maintain it
against so many attacks. FIjegende
-Blatter.
The young lady of Fon du Lac who
hoard that bathers at the seashore were
required to wear trunks purchased two
extra Saratogas for the purpose
Northwestern.
Some of those old saws have a
great deal to answer for. For instance,
if somebody hadn't once said, ut is
never too late to mend" probably a
good many people would not be post
poning the process so long. -jSh0e and
Leather Reporter.
"A certain means of stopping a dog
fight or loosening vicious dogs hold
upon any thing is shOwering something
over the animal that will produce
sneezing. Be his will power ever so
strong the motion of sneezing invol-
UNFAIRLY opens a dogs jaw. Pepper
answers very well, but snuff is the best,
as it can be used without limit.
-''WhY can't they make these dunn
mics more lifelike?" said a facetious
fellow, hating with friend in front of
a clothing store on Market street and
slapping a figure a vigorous blow on
the cheek. The dummy" turned
suddenly, let fly his left, and the face
tious man went down on the pavement
as though struck by lightning ex-
press Philadelphia Times.
Il left the business long ago" said
the ex-umpire, "but it seems to follow
me still, even to my own home" 'How
is that?' asked his auditor. ''Well,
my son works in an iron mill and my
daughter is a fine young lady. | go
home at night and find my boy on
strike and my girl gone on balls and
parties. Even my wife gives me chicken
wings-foul tips, you know" And the
old umpire sighed. Pittsburgh Chr0n-
ic5e.
One night at meeting negro
prayed earnestly that he and his breth-
rem might be preserved from what he
called their "upsettin' sins "Brud-
der" one of his friends said, ''you amt
got de hang OBJ dat ar word. It's be
settin', not 'upsettin'. >" ''Brudder,"
replied he, eff that's so, it's so; but
was prayin' de Lord to save us from de
sin OBJ 'toXication, an if-dat amt a up
settin' sin, | dunno what am"
"A girl who by chance was COM
PEELED to wash her face with the Juice
Of a watermelon found it 50 soothing
that she continued it and to her joyful
surprise discovered that her freckles
were disappearing. She applied the
new wash with more vigor than ever,
and soon they were entirely gone This
makes the even 1000 things which
are said to be sovereign remedies for
freckles.
New York dame-'I thingyo Chi
cagO married folks ought to live to-
gether, if only for appearances sake
Just think what an awful reputation
all these divorces give your city?"
Chicago dame-"Well, you see Chica-
go has no nearby summer resort to
which all the married women can 90
every spring and not see their hus-
bands oftener than once a month, as
you do in New York, you know
Omaha World.
Judge Ito prisoner who has just
been brought into courD is
your nameP" Prisoner Billings"
Judge-''Where are you from, Mr..
Billings?" Prisoner-"I refuse to state,
as such information has nothing to dc
with the case" Judge-"But we will
compel you to state, sir" Prisoner
That will be dangerous proceeding,
| assure you. l shot judge once"
Judge (musingly)-"The prisoner is
from Kentucky. "-ArkdnSaoO Traveller.
Telephone operators receive lots of
queer, foolish and funny calls every
where. But fellow here gave the ex-
change good one the other day. He
rang up and called for ''the wagon
yard" When asked "What wagon
yardP" replied: why! the one left
my wagon at" OF course he got it,
Another chap the same day, called for
1.-THE depot" and when the operator
xyoD+ad tn lynouy uvb Of 6anot Sopu ont.