Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1888-04-27

Nk3SE@'aA7Za
Why call man crank, when no On.
can turn him
Talk about the Thermometer havi,.
been low; why, it was positively mi.
gar.
II GET your views" as the constab,.
said when he levied on stereoscon;.
show.
If the old price of coal will only ,a
turn all will be forgiven and no oue,.
tions asked.
JuDGE-Who are your accomplices,
Pickpocket = Your honor would mn
have me divulge a professional secret,
J1GaERs explained that an India,
war club in the Park museum became
warped by being so often on the va,
path. -Tenas Siftiaegs.
SHE-Lan' OBJ de liben! Brudder
Eli! Did you come on the kyars or by /
private conveyance? He-Private con. |
weyance, chile-I walked.
A COLLECTING agency in New York is |
run by women exclusively, which
seems to disprove the adage, womans
work is never dun.-Siftings.
HUSBAND (groaning)-The rheuma.
tism in my leg is coming on again.
Wife with sympathy)-Oh, I am 50
sorry, John; wanted to do some shop.
ping to-day, and that is a sure sign Of
rain.
Gan eclipse of the moon at night al. !
ways seems to be more or less wasted,
George" she said, as she thoughtfully
brushed the powder from his shoulder;
"the sun doesn't happen to do an act
this month, does it?"-Puck.
FIRST SOCIAL SPoRT-Didn't they
have anything to drink at the Brook.
line assemblies? Second s. SO,
yes; lemonade. First s S.-Nothing
stronger than that? Second s. S.
Well, yes; ice water.-Haruard Lam.
po07a
In an advertisement by RAILWAY
company of some uncalled-for goods,
the letter 81" had dropped from the
word lawful, and it read. "People to
whom these packages are directed are
requested to come forward and pay
awful charges on the same.
SM1rH-A new motor for increasing
the speed of horse cars has been dis.
covered. Jones-Has it? Well, the +
horse.cars don't need it up my way.
All have to do to increase the speed
of the cars is to signal to the driver
with my umbrella that I want to get on
board.
Mrs. PARvENU (petulantly)-I don't
see what they mean by inviting so many
people to card reception. Mr.. P
What's the difference, my dear? Mrs.
P. Gndignantly)-Whatis the differ
erence? Why, good deal. How can
anybody play cards when there's such
crowd nobody can sit down?-Wash.
issgto,a Critic.
HOSTESS to young Mr.. sissy-You
will kindly favor us with some music
will you not, Mr.. Sissy? Young Mr.
Sissy-Well-aw, I'm not quite my
usual self tonight, Mrs. Hobson; but
will-aw, sing a little. if you like
Hostess (graciously)-O, thanks, you
are so kind. Even little of your sing.
ing, MI. Sissy, goes great ways, you
know.-The Epoch.
EDMUND SzEzEpANK1Ew1cKs and
Fanny Kuzinska were being married in
Philadelphia the other day, and during
the ceremony their names got mixed.
A panic ensued and one man was
killed, while seventeen others were
more or less severely injured. Finally
order was restored, the ambulance re.
moved the dead and wounded, fresh
minister was found, and the ceremony
proceeded. -Peck's San.
A POET sings: "If I were q rose, l
would lie upon the white neck of her
love, and let my life go out upon the
fragrance of her BREATH" If he Lies
upon her white neck we assure him be
will have trouble getting the paint of
of his collar; and, if he let's his life 60
out on the fragrance OF her breath, it
is proof positive that she has been eat
ing onions. If he will take the advice
OF an old stager, he will spread nap
kin on his collar, buckle up his shoulder
braces, grasp her waist, heave sigh,
give jerk, and then trust the rest to
caramels and Cupid. -Arcola Record
CAMPAIGN EXPENsEs.
Rebecca Schaumburg, the daughter
OF Nose Schaumburg, the Austin
merchant prince, has become engaged
to Ike Lichtenstein, dissipated youth.
for whom Nose has no earthly use. A
friend mootipr Moco co:l.