The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1888-05-12
WONDERFUL INVENTION.

A@NbAJ1SN
Bill Nye in New York World: Little
did B. Franklin wot that some day the
little start he made when he baited his
pin.hook with a good conductor and
tapped the low-browed and believing
nimbus with his buoyant kite, and the
pickle-jar OF electricity thus Crudely ac-
quired, would be the egg from which in
ventors and scientists would hatch out u
system which could not only encircle
the globe with messages swifter than the
flight OF Ph9bus, but that anon the light
OF day would be filtered through cloud
Of cables loaded with destruction sutliCi-
ent for whole army, and the air be
filled with death-dealing, dangling wires.
Little did he know that he was bot
Ting the genii which would one day
pull out the stopper with its teeth and
grow till it Overspread the sky, plant
its bare, bleak poles along every high
way, carrying day messages by night
and night messages, when it got ready,
darkening the air with its rusty wings
provided, Of course, that the genii wear
wings-and with the harsh, metallic,
gouldish laughter Of signal-key, with
one foot on tho neck OF the sender and
one on the neck of the recipient, with
one hand on the throat OF the Conven-
ton and the other in the pockets OF the
world, defy aggregated humanity to do
its worst, and command air civilization
in terse, well.chosen terms, to either
fish, cut bait, or go ashore.
Could Benjamin have known all this
at the time possibly he might have con-
sidcred it wisdom to go when it raincd.
1 am not an old fogy, though | may
have that appearance, and rejoice to
see the world move on. One by one I
have laid aside my own enCumbering
prejudiCes in order to keep up with the
procession. Have l not gradually adopt
ed everything that would in any way
enhance my opportunities for advance
ment, even through tedious evolution,
from the paper collar up TO the finger
bowl, eyether and nyether?
This should convince the reader that
l am not seeking to clog the wheels Of
progress. l simply look with apprehen-
sion upon any great Capitalization OF
wealth or power in the hands OF any one
man who not only does rs he pleases
with said wealth or power, but who, rs
l am informed, does not read my timely
suggestions as to how he shall use them.
10 return, however, to the subject Of
electricity, have recently sought to
fathom the style and motif OF new sys-
TEN which is to be introduced into pri-
vate residences, hotels and police head
quarters. In private houses it will be
used as burglars welcome. In hotels
it will take the mental strain off the bell
boy, relieving him also OF portion OF
his burdensome salary at the same time.
In the police department it will do al
most everything but eat peanuts from
the corner stand.
The system Is on exhibition in large
room down town, with the signals or
boxes on one side and the annunciator
or central station on the other. BY
walking from one to the other, dis
lance in all Of thirty or forty miles, l
was enabled to get slight idea OF the
principle.
1t is certainly an intelligent system. l
never felt my own inferiOrity any more
than l did in the presence OF this Won
deriul invention. 1t will do almost any
thing, it seemed to me, and the main
drawback seems to be its great versatile
ty, for it thereby becomes so complex
that in order to become at all intimate
with it policeman ought to put in two
years at Yale and at least n year at
Leipsic. An extended course Of study
would thus perfect him in this line, but
he would not then be content to act rs n
policeman. He would want to be
scientist, with dandrutr on his coat-cOllar
and PARKWAY look.
Then, again, take the hotel scheme,
for instance. We 90 to hotel dial
which is marked Room 80. There we
find that by treating it in certain way
it will announce to the clerk that Room
80 wants fire, ice-water, pens, ink, pa
per, lemons, towels, fire-escapes, Mil
waukee Sec, pillow-shams, New York
World, menu, Croton frappe, carriage,
laundry, physician, sleeping.car ticket,
berth-mark for same, Halford sauce, hot
flatiron for ironing trousers, baggage,
blotter, tidy for chair, or any OF those
things. In fact | have not given half
the list on this barometer because |
could not remember them, though |
may have added others which were not
on the indicator. The message arrives
ut the office, but the clerk is engaged in
conversation with n lady. He does not
Jump when the alarm sounds, but
continues the dialogue. Anoth-
err guest wires the office that
he would like copy OF the
Congressional Record. The message is
fled away automatically, and the thrill
ing conversation goes on. Then No. "
asks to have his mail sent up. No, %
wants to know what time tho bus leaves
the house for the train going East, and
whether that train will connect ut ALI
ance, o., with tide-water train for
Cleveland in time to catch the Lake
Shore train which will bring him into
New York ut 1880, and whether all those
trains are reported on time or not, and
IL not will the office kindly state why?
Other guests also manifest a morbid Gu
riosity through their transmitters, but
the clerk does not get excited, for he
knows that all those remarks are filed
away in the large black-walnut box at
the back OF the office. When he gets
| TtllllY llI1NlhCu llO llao utGll tllIuNSl u
course Of study in this branch of husi-
ness, he takes one room at time and,
addressing pale young "Banister Pol
Usher" by the name OF Front" he be-
gins to scatter information, baggage,
towels, morning papers, timetables,
ETC., all over the house. It is also sup.
posed to be great time-saver. For in.
stance, No. 6S wants TO know the cor.
rect time, He move IN indicator around
like the combination OF n safe, reads Q
few pages Of instructions, and then
pushes a button, perhaps. Instead o.
ringing for q boy and waiting for him
some time, then asking him to obtain
the correct time at the office and come
back with the information, conversinI
with various people on his way back
and expecting compensation for II, the
! guest can ask the office and receive the
answer without getting out of bed. Yor
leave call for a certain hour, and a
that time your own private gong viii
make it so disagreeable for You that yor
, will be glad to rise. Again, if you wisl
] to know the amount oftSyour bin. Won u