The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1888-06-21
NYE At THE CAPITAL.
HE plscoURsEs ON THE METHODS
OF WASHINGTON BARRIERS.


Heat and Hotels of Washington.
When | got off the Pennsylvania train yes
terday went to barber shop before dld
ANYTHING else. | have thick, Venetian red,
chinchilla beard, which grows very rapidly,
and which gives me a funny appearance
every twenty-four hours unless place my
self frequently in the hands of the barber. |
At first used to shave myself, but cut my
self to pieces in such sickening manner,
without seeming to impede the growth of the
rich and foxy beard, that until last summer
gave up being my own barber Az tha0
time | was presented with safety razor,
which the manufacturer said would not cut
my face, because it was impossible for IL 10
cut anything except the beard. Inc
safety razor resembles in appearance sew
eral other toilet articles, such as the
spoke shave, the road scraper, the can
opener, the lawn mower and the turbine
water wheel, but it does not look like razor.
1t also looks like a carpet sweeper some, and
reminds me of monkey wrench. 1t is said
that you can shave yourself on a train If you
will use this instrument. l tried it once last
winter while going west. In fact, took the
trip largely to see if one could shave on board
the train safely with this razor. l had no
special trouble. At least l did not cut off
any features that cared anything about, but
| was disappointed in the results and also in
the length of time consumed in cleaning the
razor after | got through. | was shaving
myself only from Forty-second street to AL
bany, but it took me from Albany to Omaha
to pull the razor apart and to dig out the CO.
agulated lather and the dear, dead whiskers
| now employ a valet, whose name is Patria
McGloria. He irons my trousers, SLAVES and
dresses me and mows the lawn.
did not fall into a very gaudy barber
shop.
1t was a plain structure, with beautiful
sarsaparilla pictures here and there on the
walls and faint odor of rancid pomatum
and overworked hair restoratives.
There were three chairs richly upholstered
in two ply carpeting of some infammatory
hue, with large vines and the kind of flowers
which grow on carpets but Nowhere else. |
have seen blossoms woven into ingram car
pets, varying in color from dead black to
the color of a hepatized lung, but have
never seen one that reminded me of anything
ever saw in nature, The chair sat in also
had springs in it. They were made of selec-
tions from the Washington monument.
The barber who waited on me asked me if
wanted a shave A great many BARRIERS
ask me this during the year Sometimes they
do it from habit and sometimes they do it to
brighten up my life and bring smile to my
wan cheek As have no hair, the thinking
mind naturally and by a direct course of
reasoning arrives at the conclusion that when
60 into barber shop and climb into chair,
do so for the purpose of getting shaved and
not with the idea of having my fortune told
or my deposition taken. Still BARRIERS con-
tinue to ask me this question and look at each
other with i'll concealed mirth.
said yes would like a shave unless he
preferred to take my temperature or amuse
me by making death mask of himself. He
then began to strap a large razor with
double shuttle movement and TO size me up at
the same time. He was a colored man, but
he had lived in Washington long time and
knew great deal more than he would if his
lot had fallen elsewhere. He spoke with some
feeling and fed m> with about the most I'M
palatahle lather ! think | ever participated
in. He also did an odd thing.when he went
for the second time over my face. never
have noticed the custom outside of that shop
Most BARRIERS, in making the second trip over
q customers face, mosten one side at a time
with sponge or the damp hand as they go
along, but in this case large quantity of
lather was put in M ear, and, as he needed
it, he took out what he required from time to
time, using his finger like paint brush and
spreading on the lather as he went along. So
accurately has he learned to measure the
quantity of lather which an ear will hold
that when he got through with me and went
away there was not over a tablespoonful in
either ear and possibly not that much.
While l sat in the chair heard man, who
seemed to be in about the third chair from
me, saying that certain bill numbered so
and so had been referred to a certain COM
mittee and would undoubtedly be reported
favorably. If SO, it would in its regular
order come up for discussion and reach vote
so and So l was charmed with the mans
knowledge of the condition of affairs in both
houses and the exact status of all threatened
legislation, because always have to stop and
think good while before l can tell whether
bill originates on the floor of the house or
in the rotunda.
could not see this man, but Judged that
he was senator or sergeant-at-arms. He
talked for some time about the condition of
national affairs, and finally some one said
something about evolution. l was perfectly
wrapped up in what he was saying, and re-
membered distinctly how he referred to
Herbert Spencer's definition of evolution as
a change from indefinite, incoherent homo
geneity to definite, coherent heterogeneity
| through continuous differentiations and in
tegrations.
When arose from my chair and looked
over that way saw that tho gentleman who
had been talking on the condition of congress
sional legislation was colored hotel porter
of Washington, who was getting shaved in
the third chair, and the man who was dis
cussing the merits of evolution was the col
ored man who was shaving him.
As spring warns up the air about Wash
ington the heating apparatus about the Capt.
toll building begins to relax its interest, and
now you can visit most any part of the
stately pile without being scrambled in Your
own embonpoint
| believe this unnatural heat to be the
cause of much i'll health among our law
makers, and freely admit that the IN
| healthy surroundings of Washington and the
| great contrast between the hot air of the
| capitol and the cold air outside have done a
great deal towards keeping meout of the
senate. The night air OF Washington is also
filed with malaria, and is much worse than
any night air have ever used before.