davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1888-12-19
A SHAMMING WOMAN.
How She Puzzled the Medical Dfrectors n,

How She Puzzled the Medical Directors of
an Insane Asylum.
The most remarkable case of sham
ming that ever heard of was that of
a woman who was sent to, the insane
asylum few years ago. She was ad-
mitted az a person afflicted with sui
cidal mania, and was placed in my
ward. She had been very prominent
before the public by reason of her sew
eral attempts to take her own life, and
when she came into the institution
she, OF course, became an interesting
study. On her first attempt the case
was put down as lead-poisoning, and
she was taken into the family of a
physician. where she made friends
OF all and became as one of the
circle. She was we'll educated.
refined and of very fasci-
mating appearance and sweet DISPOSE
ton, making friends on all sides. She
remained with this family some time,
making several other attempts at self
destruction, finally one that was
rather sensational, and to relieve her
from which she was carried into y
drug store and a prominent physician
called. The stomach pump was used
to good effect and her life was saved.
1t was after this that she was sent to
the asylum for treatment. She had a
complete knowledge Of lead poisoning
and It's effects, and though every test
to be. thought of, even to sticking
needles In her flesh, was applied, she
bafaed them all. There was one test
still untried, however, and though it
Is one not common among physicians,
she knew of it, and as she saw her
danger. very carefully prevented
giving any opportunity to try it.
The more I studied the case the
more firmly I became convinced
she was fraud. One day I stuck q
small knife blade into her limb, hop
ing to break her nerve, but she did not
finch In the least Finally, one night
during the heat and excitement Of one
Of the regular asylum balls she was
caught off her guard, and preparations
made to submit her to the test. She
knew she was caught at last, and very
frankly admitted that she was a fraud,
and that she had never really attempt-
cd suicide BY lead poisoning or any
other means. She also told me Of her
travels over the United States, and in
England and Australia, simply on sym
pathy, and in reply to Inquiries we
afterward got letters verifying her
statements as to her travels. Louis
Globe Democrat
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1888-12-19
THE MEXICAN WASP.

An Insect that Carries the Spanish In
QUESTION in It's Tail.
When a Western wasp feels we'll and
is not troubled with rheumatism in the
back, it can put more of it's fine work
into the square inch of mans cuticle
than any other live fowl on the globe.
A man who has been thoroughly stung
by a Mexican wasp takes delight in
drinking melted lead or gallon or two
OF hot liquid sulphur, they are so de-
icious by contrast. A few red hot
nails driven into the soles of ones feet
seem to ease the pain inadvertently
left by these wasps.
III you have never been stung by an
old-fashioned Mexican wasp" writes
Charles Brazil from Pueblo, COL, it is
an experience you want to avoid care
fully, contenting yourself with such in
formation about the little beauty as
you can gather from third parties and
documents. 1t u.s. when mature and
healthy. about two inches long,
with a sting that looks like the
point of fine cambria needle.
1t is a brownish red in color.
and its disposition is always hostile.
When it stings you there is for a mo-
ment or two a sensation of numbness
about the part which rapidly gives
place to a pain that can only be de-
scribed as agony. If you can imagine
how It would feel to have a wire drawn
through the most sensitive part of your
body and then raised slowly to a white
heat you could perhaps form a theo-
.'etical idea of what the feeling is like.
1.-The sting is never fatal, and the
pain passes away after an hour or two,
but it is simply anguish while it lasts.
During the Mexican war one of the
companies of Doniphan's command
camped in an old building where there
was q colony of these wasps. They
managed to disturb the insects in some
way, and the company was completely
routed and demoralized; some of the
mon ran miles away from the place be-
fore they were found and gathered in
again. DR.. Cunning, of Beshoar, COL.
has made quite study of these articu-
lates, which, he says. represent an un-
classified member of the wasp family.
There are, I believe, no living Great
ures outside of snakes, scorpions and
cent1pedes which are able to intlict SO
much suffering on their enemies. IN.
Y. telegram. @&*" ">s 2..-s !:
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1888-12-19
ARTIFICIAL BEAUTY.
Vanity the Most Munificent Of All Human
Weaknesses. =

Vanity the Most Munihcent Of All Human
Weaknesses. =
Vanity is munifcent weakness. No
virtue, not even Charity, is so lavish
in its expenditures. Whoever minis
ters to it successfully on comprehen-
sive scale, is almost sure to amass q
fortune. u
Several of the followers of Columbus
spent years in searching for the fount-
ain of Eternal Youth, which supersti-
ton assigned to some portion of this
hemisphere, and the ladies of CASTLE
and Aragon-especially the old duen-
subscribed, = is said, most hber-
ally toward the exploring expeditions
that went forth on that rational errand.
All hope of discovering a natural
source OF rejuvenescence has long since
been given up, but Of artificial sue
cedaneums the name is legion The
lily and the rose are for sale at every
drug store. and q private interview of
ten minutes with fashionable hair
dresser will enable ''any lady with hair
of an obnoxious color" (see the bar
bers' advertisements) to daunt ringlets
OF q bloomy black defiantly in the face
OF Time. The operation must be- re-
peated every five or six weeks, how
ever, and costs many dollars. But
what of that! Vanity is liberal to
itself. The poor shall want bread, ere
Vanity shall lack its ''aids to beauty"
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1888-12-19

A1sAN EEUm WH8t / u0tSr Oh the sermon
delivered BY you last night, I regret that am
obliged 70 conclude that you are altogether un.
suited to my curacy. My people have become
accustomed to original, or ut oil events inds.
pendant, thought In the pulpit: and do not
suppose you would yourself maintain the up.
plicabiltty OF either of these words to tho dis.
course with which you favored them. return
the testimonials you sent me, and beg to re.
main, yours faithfully, P. SPARKLE.
Having sent this ill-tempered pro-
duction to the post, the unfortunate
man was forthwith ashamed of him.
sell, and would gladly have recalled it.
He blamed himself for all that had
happened. and became victim to hor.
rlble remorse and abject fear. His
wife, who had learned something OF
what had passed, had her own suspi.
cions; but, like wise woman, she
kept them to herself, and did her best
to comfort her husband.
That very afternoon Rev. Jonathan
Cribber, in hot Indignation, sought
out the clerical agent who had made
up for his own lack OF brains and en-.
ergy, and bearded him in his den.
At first he stated his case without
mentioning any names.
II can only say" replied the suave
cleric who devoted his energies &c
helping his weaker brethren, that for
originality of thought and freshness OF
treatment, I consider the 'Foolishness
OF Preaching to be among my master.
pieces. l could show you numerous
letters that have received in refer
ence to that very sermon. There must,
l take it, be something very unfortu-
nate in your voice or mode of delivery.
Now, I am about to form a clerical clio.
cution class, and I would strongly urge
upon YOU"
my voice is excellent, sir! have
been congratulated upon it again end
again!" roared the Rev. Jonathan.
II do not doubt its power, sir" re-
Piled the agent, with deprecatory
motion of his hand; "but it may
need-"
''You talk about letters, sir. Read
that!" said the irate Cribber, inter.
rupting him, and flinglng DR.. Sparkle's
note upon the table.
The agent read the letter, and then,
after few minutes consideration. he
remarked:
'Do you mean to say that you gave
them The Foolishness of Preaching in
DR.. Sparkle's church?''
Il do; and why not? I paid you for
the sermon"
''You told me you were in Lincoln
diocese when I sent it to YOU"
"And so I was; but came to town
to see after DR.. Sparkle's curacy.
had perfect right to preach the SER
mon," said Rev. Jonathan, fiercely.
Eyes. I suppose you had-to your
own risk" admitted the agent.
''But it has lost me an excellent Gu
racy," continued the irate Cribber.
''And you have lost me an excellent
client. Good morning."
On the following Sunday DR.. Spar
kle's pulpit was occupied by Mr.. Play.
fair, and it was announced that the
Vicar, in obedience to the peremptory
orders of his medical adviser, had gone
abroad for few weeks.
The doctor is now, with his faithful
wife by his side. recruiting his ener-
gies and laying in genuine stock of
fresh ideas. He has resolved for the
future to have no secrets from Mrs.
Sparkle, and to eschew 'sskeletons."-
London TRUTH
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1888-12-19
OLD-MAiD's MUSIC.

All down the long, narrow street "
The windows were wide oil day. Ill
The musks and the pinks smell sweet
In the boxes over the way,
The night is Q night Of June,
when the summer flowers are born,
And. above, a sickle moon
hangs over the coming corn.
No sigh OF the past ia there,
" And the silence spellful feels;
When out on the dreamy DIR -
~ The Old-Maid's music steals.
1tseems like q story told
That must All the eye with tears
30 sweet, 90 wisttul, 90 old,
That ditty OF fifty yearsl
Even as I listen and hear,
Those years roll back between,
And the long ago draws near,
TIL look on what has been.
And sound Of footsteps rings.
And the shadows move below
While she lifts her voice ana sings
The ditty Of long ago.
81
And see two figures pace
Together, with lingering feet:
And now it's girls white face
That looks down the empty street.
And 1see her lean and gaze,
And the crowd is black below
But the Old-Maid sits and plays
That ditty OF long ago!
TITS In the narrow street,
To-day is the longest day;
The musks and the pinks smell sweet
In the boxes over the way.
Spectator.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-06-14
They Love Americans.

A. correspondent Of the Chicago Nail
writing from Bahia, Brazil, says:
Bahia is a city Of 117,000 population,
and to an American. especially a
young American, it seems that about
100000 OF that number is composed of
pretty girls, senoritas of wonderful
physical charms and an agreeable lack
of mental incisIveness and assertive
opinionism.
The climate is made of love, laziness
and cigarette smoking. In spite of the
enervating influences so prevalent, lots
of business is transacted in Bahia.
mostly after the Philadelphia plan of
conservative slowneSs, sureness. and
consequent safety. Big Spanish houses
are beginning to employ an army of
young Americans to transact their bus
mess, and these same young fellows
generally, are enterprising and of the
''get there class. Many boys of eX-
cellent family and antecedents have
matrimonial snaps open to them
which would make the heart of real
Italian count throb wildly in an costa
cy of JOY. The senoritas, daughters OF
wealthy, influential, often noble, par
ents, are anxious, collectively and indi-
vldually, to seize upon these trans
planted sons of freedom. rush them be-
fore priest, and get them for their
own property forever and ave.
The senoritas are as beautiful as
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-06-14
Mr.. Benton and the CattIe-DeaIer.

Thomas Benton once livedin William
son County, Tennessee, at Hills
borough, which, at one time, was
called Benton" and practiced his pro-
fession in the Town of Franklin. [ re-
member an incident of his professional
career at that place. 1t seems that
some enemy of Benton's had circulated
a story that, while at school, he had
appropriated five-shilling note be-
longing to a schoolfellow and hid it in
his cravat While the story was not
believed, Mr.. Benton, then q thriving
practitioner, was somewhat sensitive
on the subject. He was at one time
engaged In the trial Of a lawsuit in
which q shreWd and INSCRIPTIONS cat
tle-trader was a witness. The latter
had become somewhat famous through
sharp trick he had played upon a
Methodist minister who came to him
to buy a cow: 4 can let you have any
cow in the bunch" said old Jarni-
gan, except that long-bagged heifer
you see over there. She is such good
one [ could not part with her" This,
of course, had the effect of making the
unsophisticated preacher exceedingly
anxious to buy that particular COW,
and finally ended in his buying her at
about three times her actual value,
only to learn afterward that she was
an old and worthless COW which Jarni-
gan had fixed up for a heifer by scrap
inc out the hicks in her horns. When
this witness was put upon the stand
and it came BentOn's time to cross
examine he opened up with the fol-
lowing question, propounded in his
most exasperating manner: care you
not the MI Jarnigan who owned the
long-bagged red heifer?" Quick as a
flash old Jarnigan retorted, care you
not the Mr.. Benton who hid a five
shilling note in his cravat?n White
with fury, Benton sprang from his
chair and dealt Jarnigan a blow and
in an instant they were rolling and
tumbling over the floor. Benton was
quite an exasperating man in dealing
with others and an irascible one him
self. Nashville Democrat.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-06-14
Buying Up Old Grinders.

A sharp-2yed little man attracted the
writer's attention in a Chicago hotel by
the close watch he maintained at the
dinner table upon the Jaws of the 9th
er guests. Acknowledging them all pref
tn closely for awhile he finally cOncen-
trated his attention upon an elderly
with some difficulty. Even a casual
observer could have noted that he Sc
lected only the softest articles on the
bill of fare.
That man has bad fitting set of
teeth, and I'll get them,n said the little
man. When the elderly gentleman
left the table the little one followed,
and in few moments was in CONVEX
sation with him, and, as it afterward
transpired, had engaged to buy his
false teeth rs soon as he had obtained
a new set.
This little man picks up great ma
ny sets of false teeth in the course of a
year. Most persons that have a set be-
fore they reach so years Of age arc
obliged to buy two more sets at least.
before they reach 90 years, as the
mouth changes so that the teeth that
fit well and serve the wearer well at
first, after q while do rot fit and cause
the wearer q great deal of discomfort.
The man that makes q living in this
line has acquired u great knack for dis
covering ill-htting teeth, and he scarce
" ever fails to secure q bargain, for
Notwithstanding false teeth are the
only immortal material about our bod
les, inasmuch as they are said to be
capable of resisting 1900 degrees of
heat (Fahrenheit), few people know
that they are worth anything second
hand, and SO the little man gets them
at his own figure.
He told the writer that many sets of
false teeth are found. Owners are more
careless of them than is supposed, and
instances are more frequent than would
be imagined in which thev have been
left in hotel bedrooms. They have been
found in raiIroad-cars, and even IN
horSe-cars, and quite frequently turn
up in cabs. As the cabbies and rail-
road employees cannot wear other poo
pies teeth they hunt up the buyer, and
he gets the set for few shillings. The
scavengers sometimes rake up set in
an ash barrel and sets are sometimes
picked up in the streets. One set was
found in a magpie's nest in Pennsylva-
MIA, and another was picked out of a
woman's throat by surgeon. The
patient would never wear them again,
and they were sold for q song. The
little man picks up nice living by his
purchases, adding to it now and then
by buying secondhand wig or two.
-.Neo0 York Press.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-06-14
Oscar Wasn't Such q Fool.

Col. Vail, manager of Ragan's illus
trated lectures, is the man who pilOted
Oscar Wilde through this country. The
wonder is that he still lives. Oscar
Wilde was no fool, by any means,
said the Colonel. "He worked the
United States for all there was in it.
He cleaned up $4,000 net. not count
inc the $4,000 he lost against Hungry
Joe's bunco game in New York. Oscar
was genteel fakir. The Oscar Wilde
craze was his own invention. He
worked aesthetic craze for every dollar
in sight. Whenever anybody used to
call on him at his hotel, he always struck
an attitude, arranged the lilies and
sunflowers, and did everything possible
for effect before the visitor entered; but
the moment the visitor left he became
another man and was one of the boys.
"His astheticism was all assumed.
When he returned to England he cut
off his long hair, got down to business,
and gave the Yankees the grand laugh.
The most amusement / ever had on the
Oscar Wilde tour was in Denver, when
Eugene Field got wig and persOnated
Wilde perfection. Fieldin mis- makeup
took in the town and fooled everybody.
His imitation of Wilde was very decep-
tive, and was a great hit. Nobody en-
loved it more than Wilde himself, who
was in the party. Wilde had his long
hair tucked up under a cowboy hat,
and nobody recognized him. while ev-
erybody took Field for Wilde. "-Onla-
la Herald.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-06-14
BeecheF's Drummer.

It is astonishing what lot Of chest
nuts are knocked off the trees after great
men die) and labeled Beecher, Gree
ley, Lincoln, Josh Billings, etc. Beech
er anecdotes are flying in all directions.
a Wall street man, who claims to have
heard everything that Beecher said in
public relates the following story he
heard Beecher tell about New York
drummer. The said drummer was de-
tanned in a small town in Western New
York, and, not being able to get out of
the place until Monday thought he
would attend a revival meeting and see
If he couldn't unload q few dollars
worth of goods on the deacons early
Monday morning before the train
pulled out
But the drummer was so well loaded
up with rock and rye that when he
reached the church he could not tell for
the life of him how many years it took to
build the Pyramids of Egypt.
He got into the revival meeting
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-06-14
a Great Needle Story.

'Talk about your needle Stories"
said man on the streets yesterday,
"but | can tell YOU one that discounts
them ALL and | don't have to 60 far
from home for the facts, either Ny
wife's sister, young lady about 19,
has pet needle. She wouldn't do
without it for the world. About three
years ago the needle made its first APP
pearance by sticking It's point out OF
her shoulder How it ever got into her
body, or how long it had been there,
she says she doesn't know. 1t did not
come out far enough for anyone to
get hold of, but went back in, and in
about a month it stuck its nose out
away down on her right ankle Then
it disappeared again, and it has been
scooting around inside of her system
ever since, poking its point out about
every month somewhere or other. She
had it pulled out once with u pair Of
nippers, and you may not believe it,
but it is fact, she became almost
alarmingly i'll with Il sort of nervous
prOStration that the doctors could not
make anything of.
Gone day an irresistible impulse
HNi<'NNi
and jab it into herself. She did so,
and felt much better instantly. The
needle has been on its travels without
interruption ever since, and she has
had perfect health. She could not be
persuaded now to have it taken out.
About year ago the needle made its
appearance at her lefr wrist, and the
location of both ends Of it was clearly
discernable. BY way Of amusement, [
suppose, she managed to get at the
head Of her pet and slipped a little
piece Of fine, bright red silk thread
through the eye, and now the needle is
carrying that all over her system, and
once in Il while it is discernible be-
meath the skin. When the needle was
out it was very strongly magnetized.
Yes, it is a very queer case, and L don't
pretend to explain it, but ! know the
story is Pttladelphja North AGaer-
lean.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-06-14

the workers OF the great Century Die
tionarv showed that an article on
''Southernisms" was being consulted
in compiling this mammoth lexicon.
ANY Of US may contribute to the accu-
racyOf that and similarworks. would
esteem it a great favor to be corrected
by anybody as to the use OF any pro-
yincialisms, and to receive from any
source lists of unusual words. Two
cases would have taught me. if the les
son had not already been learned. the
necessity of care in making assertions
about the use OF words. was or the
point Of denying the use of to for
'.at'' in 4 certain part of the south. but
fortunately found occasion to correct
it in the very children around me be-
fore referring to it in print After
criticising Miss Murfree for making
one of her characters say EFF Wander
air lef be- Get be-. was amused to
hear the expression drop naturally
from the lips of the little negro who
opened the Vanderbilt main gate
a letter just received from Charles
ton, S. c., informs me that "deedie" is
name given to little chickens in
Berkeley county, South Carolina
Nashville AneTicUR.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-06-14

hours in youth, and can love like
house afire. Their figures are univers-
ally models for brunette Venuses, and
their feet arched like rainb bows, and Gin
derelian in size. Their glorious eyes
can set any well-constituted mans
blood going like respiration pump at
a single glance; and their ruby lips
are, as many Of the boys can practlc-
ally prove, equally perfect IN action
for kissing or Notwithstanding. They
have mOney-Inany of them lots OF 1t
and they stand ready and willing
with all their worldly goods to endow
almost anv Young American Of whose
affections they can become undisputed
mistress. Red hair and frcckleS are
not counted as obstacles in the matri-
moniaI markets in fact at first ac-
duaintance scn0r.ta is an angel. a We.
nus. &ui a muse nil rolled into one
But-for there is but, and 4 HYDRA
headed oue-the diverse OF thu; pleas
inc picture comes under observation af-
ter Il longer acquaintance. Sen0Tita,
first OF All IS i-HGEaut-;js ignorant as
sin. She is passionate. and passion III
the tropics means jealousy whie.. Is in
Ganity when Thoroughly aroused. She
is UnscrupGloasiy ba".aric, ana has u
temper compared to which, waen carc
aroused. cyclone is a gentle lrp...a.
Besides these few mil.".- points Wu.tt
must De counted agIi2stS taoEiJa there
is another, i most iilus.G.-G.speiHHg
fact, which cannot be overlooked Sen
orita's beauty IS as fleeing Is fog. Us
evanescent asa sunbeam. thing Of tie
present solely, which has no place i'll
the future-that is, in that future
which stretches beyond the age Of so
years. At Is she is picture; at 70 a
dream of oriental loneliness, q hash
eesh inspiration to stir mems souls to
any deed; at % she is slightly pasSe;
at so she is hag, obese, yellow, sharp
voiced. possibly addicted to drink, and
certainly atitiicted to the pipe and CT
garette.
She lacks the mental beauties which
adOrn the perfect nature and make the
summer Of married life more enjoyable
than the titful spring, and her physical
perfection is gone forever. For those
who live but in the present the South
American matrimonial market is rich
in bargains, however, and any young
man OF pasSable looks, education, and
manners can pull prize from the lot
terry, which, if it furnishes soon, is,
nevertheless, very brightly gilt and a
thing Of beauty while its loneliness
lasts.