Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1888-01-02

''queer'' freak: Passing counterfeit
money.
The horse is a sympathetic animal. re-
spending to all our whoas.
Speaking of couplers, the minister takes
the lead by IA long majority.
''Say, John, is your sweetheart facto-
ry girl?" Eyes, William, satisfactory"
Plprnanth- church -ls.tlief, -si1cci tears Ue-
cause the English Berry refused to grace
! their religions dish.
When young lady reads of the de-
struction of caramel factory by fire, she
feels as though she had lost dear friend.
A Burlington policeman has been fined
for unnecessarily clubbing man. Thus
is checked one of Burlington's numerous
metropolitan tendencies.
An exchange notes that insanity is par
ticularlv prevalent in December. Brought
on doubtless, in many cases, by trying to
decide what TO get for Christmas pres
ents
A paper asks ''Is there wife in the
shirts?' The following answer was re-
ceived by return of post; Il do, but he
won't wear them.'
s'Why is it, said husband to his wife,
'sthat married women, as a rule, are such
terrible gossips?" Because they find such
attentive listeners in their husbands" the
lady replied.
''Your bill has been running a long
time insinuatingly remarked the butch
er to Slopay the other morning. That's
bad,' remarked Slopay, sympathetically.
''Why don't you let it walk"
Father: What's that noise in the next
room? Mother: It's Bobby singing 4
want to be an angel dear little fellow.
Father: Well, you had better go and see
what he is up to.
Doctor (to convalescent patient): 81
have taken the liberty, sir, of making out
my BILL" Patient Cooking at bilD
Great Heavens, doctor, you don't expect
me to take all this in one dose.''
$50 you are really going to marry old
Moneybags?" said a friend to New York
belle. 'sYes, indeed; but it's merely a
dollars and sense arrangement; he fur
nishes the dollars and l the sense, you
know"
L generally pick my company said
Mrs. Yeast, haughtily. Eyes, I'm aware
of it, replied Mrs. Crimsonback, sar-
castically; ''but you wait until after they
have left your house and then you pick
them to pieces"
''What is the price of tea?" she asked
Of the guileless grocer. Zone dollar,
marm,' was the response sIsnt that
too steep?" was the next question, and
the grocer replied: eyes, marin, that is
what they do with it,
A clergyman was deli ering a funeral
Grafton at the grave ofa general. A crowd
of officers stood around the speaker who
wound up as follows ''In short, it may
be said with truth that the deceased gen
eral never had an enemy in his life
eve have a great many agnostics in
Boston," remarked an intellectual person
to a pork-packer on west-bound train
$50 have in Chicago" responded
the packer, ''but since we hung few
last week it amt SO popular as it was"
(Scene aboard ship Struckonhimself
ssYe know, Miss Bluff, it's these swells
that make people sick at sea- Miss Bluff
(who is very much interested in thrill
ing novel; 81 don't know as they are
particularly bad at sea; they have the
same effect on me anywhere
Col Cuff: Il see, Mr.. Lard. that YOU
are charging me forty-five cents pound
| for butter now What is this high price
owing top Mr.. Lard: well, it is chiefly
owing to me, Colonel Cuff. and | should
feel very much obliged if you could make
it convenient to pay up
GOOD RESULTS IN EVERY CASE
d. A Bradford, wholesale paper dealer of Chat
ed with a cold that settled on his lungs had
| tried many remedies without benefit Being induc-
| ed to try Dr. Kings New Discovery for Coneump-
ton, did so and was entirely cured By a few
bottles. Since which time he has used it in his
family for all coughs and olds with best results
| have been saved by this We nderful Discovery.
| Trial Bottles free at I'll. Pierca's Drug Store.