Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-11-15
WIT AND HUMOR.

Press.
If a young lady's maiden aim is sue
cessful she has no maiden name.-De-
troit Free Press.
Every dog has his day, and just now
the political pointer is in active de-
mand.-1erre. Haute Express.
Jinks-Been teaching Winks lawn
tennis, Ell? Minks-O, yes; he soon
tumbled to the racquet Philadelphia
Record.
One thing may be said in favor of
politicians barrels-the fruit is uni
form in size from top to bottom NelC
! Hare,s News.
Cain was the first base man. Abel
was the first man struck out, after he
had just made a sacrifice hit.-Terre
Haute Erpress.
When the skunk pays his respects to
the botanizing sage who invades his
domain he becomes a scenter of gravi-
ty.-Bosto11 Courier.
The Chinese raise dogs principally
for their skins. Naturally they like
those which have plenty of bark on
them.-BoSton Post.
A new novel has lately been pub
lished in raised letters for the use OF
the blind. 1t is said it evoked a great
deel of feeling. Haute Express.
The Queen of Roumania says: MAN
is riddle from his birth to his death. -
And yet we don't suppose the Queen
would ''giye him up."-Norristoa0,l
| Herald.
Barber-Have you a private mug,
sir? Victim-I have. l want you to
60 over it carefully, without any ex-
| PLANTATION of the retaliation message.
-LOlOeU Citizen.
Some observant person has discov-
cred that there are no bald-headed
tramps. It's the men who remain
home with their families who get bald.
-Terre Hdatte Express.
odd he have any organic trouble?'
"Yis, SORT. The haythin dagos played
'Swate Violets' under the windy livery
mornin', an I believe that helped to
kill him. "-NeaO York San.
We notice that a waterspout burst
in Kentucky the other day. A water
spout that would go into business in
Kentucky might expect to burst with
no asssets.-Bosto1a Budget.
The Chinese word for "hash" is the
longest and most difficult word to pro-
nounce in the language. In the Eng
lish language it is the most difficult
word to define. -Albaaay Journal.
''The race problem will never be
| Il
vided," shouted an Arkansas orator.
Then he sharpened up his bowie, and
divided one of them.-Ierre Rdatte EG-
press.
! Clergymen on vacation ought to be
| back in their pulpits now Satan left
| the fashionable watering-places some
weeks ago and will soon be working
the cities in the same old way.-NeaC
Orleans Picayuaae.
Schultz-What was going on over
at your house last night? 1t sounded
| like an earthquake. Miller-O, moth
ing at all; it was mere trifle, in fact.
MY wife asked why | came home Sc
late.-Tenas SJtings.
do you know, Mr.. De Blaine, they
are talking of opening an asylum for
dudesp" ''Awh, you are facetious,
Miss Candid. And why don't they
open it?" Because they can't find a
building large enough. Time.
Judge (to prospective grand jury
man-''What is your occupations" 2.
G. J.-"Collector for the gas com.
pany" Judge-..You are excused. Il
would be impossible for you to bring
in true bill. "-Ierre Haatte EGpress.
Millionaire-H Baron, you seem
to have something of Importance to
communicated Baron-My dear sir, ]
wish to convey the gospel tidings, sc
TO speak, that / have selected you as
my future father-in-law. - German
| Fun.
Actor Ito friend didn't it strike
you, Charley, that a large number of
the audience were considerably moved
over my soliloquy in the second act?''
Friend-''O, yes; notice. quite a
number got up and moved out. y
Epoch.
"You get off some pretty rank things
sometimes" said the grocer to Bacon,
who was holding down boxes around
his stove. YES" replied Bacon, mod
estly; 81 just got off the tirkin of but
ter there a few minutes ago."-Yo'ak-
ers Statesman.
Little Fred Ito his nurse)-Marie,
you're dandy kisser. Mamma Gre
provingly)-Freddie, dear, you musia' t
say that 1t is slang. Fred-Papa
says it to her. Mamma-I don't think
| ho TO Ii IN,
about 1.-THE Cartoon.
Brown (to Robinson )-Why,I thought
you knew Dumley, that gentleman
just bowed to. Robinson I've known
him for years; but he never speaks to
me now as we pass by. Brown-Had
a quarrel? Robinson-No. he owes me
a little borrowed money.-Epoch.
Dutiful daughter = Now. mother,
don't ask me to marry that man.
admire and respect him. but | do not
love him. Practical mother-O, that
don't matter. You won't see him
often enough to grow tired of him.
He's politician. philadelphia Record
Van Tynne-Can't you pay me that
$50 you borrowed Saturday. Brown
o, thunder! Don't dun fellow in
company. Van Tynne-What matter,
when you owe them all? Brownies
but thank Heaven, they are not all like
you! They don't expect to get it,
Life.
''There amt any blemish about this
animal?" asked the would-be purchaser
of COW. No, she is all right; but
must tell you candidly that sometime:
she kicks when she is being MIXED,
replied the owner of the COW. ''That's
all right. My wife does the milking
Teas SJtings.