News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-02-16
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
WHAT THE FUNNY MEN HAVE
TO SAY FOR THEMSELVES.

WHAT THE FUNNY MEN HAVE
TO SAY FOR THEMSELVES.
The Ring He Stayed Late-Oh,
George-The Best Dance-In the
Horse Cara Violent Interfer-
encc, Etc, Etc.
THE RING.
Il don't see why you should sneer at
my engagement ring" said the fair girl
with flush of indignation on her cheek,
as she faced the belle of the opposition
town; sit's a great deal prettier than the
one you wore three years ago, and haven't
worn since!'
! ''No, DEAR replied her friend, with a
e65,, far-away look in her voice; ''not
prettier, but quite as pretty Il is II tI1e Re
same ring. "-Puck.
"How is that feud between Col. Blood
and Major Bluegrass getting on2 Are
they as bitter as ever2"
''Oh, no; the whole thing is happily
ended"
''Tm glad to hear that. ?.
eyes, they killed each other. Life.
THE FRENCH OF CHICAGO.
Another dialogue overheard at the
theatre between acts:
Young lady Ito her young man)--Did
you attend the ho'3
Young Man-You mean the hop.
Young LADY, guess [ know what I
mean. Ho' is French for hop, just the
same as gallo is French for galop. How
long have you been in society. anyhow?
Chicago Mail.
HIS RECOMMENDATION.
Jones-Hello, Bill I hear you have
position with my friends, Skinner &
| Co..
Bill-Oh, yes; L have position as col
| lector there.
Jones-That's first-rate. Who recon-
mended you?
Bill-Oh, nobody. l told them that
I once collected bill from you, and
they instantly gave me the place.
Judge.
ANOTHER VICTIM.
Hall Boy-:Did you ring, sir2
Uncle Elisha (who blew out his gas
fifteen minutes before)-I din't do nothin'
else. L wish t. you'd look inter tn
room mex ter this, an tell tn duffer
that's smokin' cabbage-leaf cigars to pull
on my pipe till git ter sleep. He's
more n welcome!-Puck
"It is pretty blue up at the house."
said Mr.. Twimsy, mournfully. Give
got cold, my wifes got a cold, babys
got the measles, and my eldest daughters
got piano. Which is the warmest park
to sleep inl"
'tGladys, dear" he murmured, ''I love
you madly, devotedly. Will you be
mine p
is so sudden; so unexpected: 1=I--
'sChestnuts u he niuttcred under his
breath, but she heard him
Yes, it is, = she said, -+aIud you many
give the bell ring" as she held out her
hand.
He did. It was solitaire.
THE YOUNG MAN STAYED LATE.
"Lodemia, called out the clear, cold
voice of Mr.. Jarvis from the head of the
stairway, "has that young man gone
yet?"
Deep silence in the parlor.
''If he has not, continued the cold,
clear voice, "wilI you have the kindness
to remind him that it is our custom to
have family prayers half an hour before
breakfast ?"
THROW 1T.
One day Ernest had been seriously
lectured by his mother, and finally sent
to the yard to find switch with which
he was to be punished. He returned
soon, and said:
'I couldn't find any switch, mamma;
but here's stone you can throw at me.
-Harper's Mdgazine;
AS THE TwIG IS BENT.
900 title totsy wotsy, 'pecs 90 bettah
dit down on the f'o' an 'et mamma
wuk."
"Flo'nce, wha's de use raisin' de baby
wild sich baby talke? Does you wan de
chile ter talk like dat when he's a crowd
ND man? An he will # you dress him
in dat fashion. Why doan yo' say, rs
oh de 'pinion yo' bettah set on the flo
while yo moddah pufoms her duties, an
hab it grow up an speak good English
while you's bout it2"-Harper'S Bazar.
THE SALON.
Miss Petroleum (sighing, and laying
down her book of memories).-O ma,
why can't we keep salon like Madame
Recamier?
Mrs. Petroleum.-Why, SO we can,
dear, for [ guess your pa has got the
money to run as big a saloon as any of
them foreigners; amt yer, pa?
Mr.. Petroleum (growling from behind
the big chair.-I dun know. Better
ask Jack; he can give yer more points on
saloons than can.
REASON FOR ALL THINGS.
"Why do you fill up your paper with
such nonsense?" he said to the editor:
"'John Smith, of Pugville, is i'll town,
calling on his many friends" "
just then the office-boy polled his head
in the door and said, ''Mr. Smith, of
Pugville, wants fifty extra papers.
''That's why" explained the astute
ditor.-Harper''s Bazar.
IN The HORsE-CAR.
Woman with satchel enters car, sits
down: enters conductor, asks fare; wo-
man opens satchel, takes out purse,
shuts satchel, opens purse, takes out
dime, shuts purse, opens satchel puts III
purse, shuts SaGcnel, olleIS NllliS, AO
ceives nickel, opens satchel, takes out
purse, shuts satchel, puts III nickel,
closes purse, opens satchel, puts IN purse,
closes satchel; stop the car, please. -
PdiJadeJDhia Record.
GREAT LODGE MAN.
First st. Paul dame.-Mrs. Grossly,
nv husband tells me that Mr.. Grossly
is very popular among the society
gentlemen.
Second st. Paul Dame.-Yes, he is.
If do say it, my husband is a great
lodge man.
'Indeed."
''Oh, yes, he goes down town to lodge
about seven o'clock every night and
comes home to lodge about the same
time every morning. st. Paul Globe.
NEW TANGLED GAMES.
At an evening party old Mrs. Bently
was asked if she was fond of playing
cards:
"Well," she said, ''when poor John
was alive, we sometimes sat down to
good old-fashioned game of everlastin'
an L enjoyed it; but these new tangled
games, retrospective eureke and cab
bage un' physique, an sich, l don't
know nuthin' bout, an I'm gittin' t,|o