Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1888-05-30
ALLEGED HTMOR.

fee ?-Burltngton Free Press.
ALBERro-"Do you love me, darling?"
Claribel-"Have | not had all the chairs
taken from the room except this ??'-
Detroit Free Press.
THE man who backs up another man
efectually in an argument with his
wife's mother has it in his power to bor-
row money SomerviHe Journal
DUBIOUS hisley Gust back from Eu-
fresh since | left, old
man % Grimes-"No, Chisley; nothing
fresh since you were here. '-The Idea.
FAIR friend-"And do you ever soak
your brushes, Mr.. Palette ?" Artist
mo. I'm happy to say l never was re-
duced so low as that. "-HarUdrd Lam
pOOn.
THAT was a bright youngster who,
hearing his mother remark that she
was fond of music, exclaimed: Then
why don't you buy me drum ?"-M0ck-
ing Bird.
IF man and half throws a boot
jack and half at a cat and halt in
night and half, how many cats and
half will be hit in a month and half?-
Mobile Register.
CHICAGO man-Were the delegates un-
instructed? Boston man-Uninstruct-
ed? Well, should 80. They were the
most ignorant persons / ever saw
Washington Critic.
THERE was a negro baby born at the
West End the other night that weighed
only, ten ounces" "H'm, HIM sIngu-
lor that anything so dark should be SO
light. Boston Transcript.
MOTHER Ito Bobby, who has just COM
pleted his prayers)-Why, Bobby, you
forget to pray for papa. Bobby-Why,
so did, and he needs it SO much,
doesn't be, ma ?-Teras SJtings.
Ex-BoARDING HOUSE KEEPER Cat heav-
ems gate)-May come in? st. Peter
Pm afraid the children would annoy
you. The place without children is
over there to the left Omaha World
COMMENTING upon DR.. Hammond's be-
lief that man can live forever, the
Prince of Wales says he knows it is true
of a woman. But he thinks she might
at least abdicate. Burlington Free Press.
VISITOR (who expects to stay to din
ner)-"Do you think, really, that it is
the table," Mrs. Yerger-fYes. if
there's only victuals enough for twelve"
-Teras Siftings.
PHYSICIAN Ito convalescent patient)-
Only bill, sir, for attendance during
your late Illness" Patient Cooking
over bill and turning white -"Great
Scott Doctor, was [ as sick as all that?"
-Harper's Weekly.
CoUNTRYMAN Ito furniture dealer)-'T
want to git bed an mattress" Deal
er-"Yes, sir; spring bed and spring
mattress, [ s'pose, sir?" Countryman-
"No; want that kind that kin be used
all the year around. ''-Epoch.
BAGLEY-What did Lawyer Spriggs
advise you about your $50 case?
Bailey-He advised ME to settle with
out suit. Bagley-That's peculiar. By
the way, what did he charge you for the
advice. Bailey-Seyenty-fye dollars
Judge.
GLOW did the burglar alarm turn
out?'' Cheat" 'Worked very well,
eh?' eyes, when it went off it alarmed
everybody in the house so badly that
the burglars got off with everything be-
fore we were over being ratified Ne
brdskG State Journal.
A SOUTHERN exchange says "Babies
are barred by the owners of New York
tenements, and the newspapers are
after them with sharp stick" The
newspaper that will chase a poor little
innocent baby with a sharp stick cannot
be too severely condemned.
A Boston girl was telling lady Of an
accident that happened to schoolmate
on the street. ''Her left crural append
age was Fractured" she said, "and she
was carried on a perambulating couch
geons at the Hub threaten to strike.
boy, after intellectual suasion had
failed and they had spanked aim for
the first time; eff [ had had the slight
est suspicion that the resultant sensa-
ton was SO poignant | should never
have invited the experiment. Puck.
Miss QUAvERLY Ito dentist friend)-"I
have been reading book about those
brave martys. How shocking to burn
that poor Latimer at the stake His
sufferings must have been excruciat-
ing" Dentist (absentlyl-"Yes, but he
might have taken laughing gas. "-Li51-
coin Journal.
"OF'sHUR,' said tired citizen early
in the morning, I'm chic! lookin' f'r
num'r three-ffty-one, an m blamed
(hic) fl can find it" mo. 351, think,
woman looking out of the second story
window "Yesh (hic), that's housh."
NeaO York San.
IT is stated that over 10000 American
pianos have been shipped to Russia in
the last ten years This will explain
why so many Russian Anarchists come
to this country. The outlaws are labor
ing under the delusion that all the
pianos in this country have been sent to
Russia.-Norristoac, Herald.
He excitedly)-By jove did you see
that little fielder catch that fly? She
(petulantly)-Of course [ didn't. [
don't see how you can see fly SO FAR
away, when it is all can do to see the
ball. What do they do with the poor
little flies anyway, John, when they
catch them p Washington Critic.
YOUNG widow Ito new minister)-It
does seem so hard to think of poor John
lying out there under the snow. New
minister Intending to comfort herr
But, my dear sister, you must remember
that he is now where there is no snow
where all is And he is now Won
dering why she ordered him to leave
the house
Mr.. SWITCHED (home from club din
ner at daylight, full of the speech he
has been making. and champagne)-