Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1888-08-27


penny Il am as badly broken as the
ten commandments"
Jaggs-Yes, proposed to her. Baggs
And she gave you her hand, and with
it her heart? Jaggs-Not exactly. Her
father gave me his foot and the sole went
with it,
First Massachusetts Statesman: ''Well,
we've got our game laws pretty well
drawn, finally" Second ditto: ''There's
only one thing lacking" ''And that is ?'
''The game"
A livery-stable keeper makes a great
boast over the possession of a horse that
can be driven without reins. Most hors-
es can be driven without reins. The
trouble is to stop them.
Speaking of the s'home stretch" ism
the man who plays pool until halfpast
midnight and then goes home and tells
his wife that he ''was sitting up with a
sick friend,' home ''stretcher?"
''Now, DOCTOR" he said, as he joined
the medical man in the street, sin the
case of a man who can't sleep at
night, what would you advise, sir?''
81 would advise him to sleep in the day
time
Stranger-Have you any anarchists in
this town? Resident-Not one. This is
a Prohibition town. Stranger-What has
that to do with the matter?" Everything.
You never find anarchists where there is
no beer
George, asked teacher of a Sunday
school class, "whom above all others,
shall you wish to see when you get to
heaven?" with face Frightening up
with anticipation the little fellow shouted,
stGerliah p
81 know I've got vein ofpOetry in me,
SIR" confidently asserted the young man
to the editor, ''and all 1 want is a chance
to bring it out. What would you suggest,
sir?" 81 think you had better see doc
tor and have it lanced.''
A conductor poked his head in the door
of car and called out the station, 'Saw-
YER whereupon young man on his
wedding tour, who was about to kiss his
bride, yelled back: ~ don't care if you
did, sir; she's my wife,
She Gas the yacht bends to the breeze
Isn't this glorious, Mr.. Featherhead?
I fawncy I'd enjoy it better
off this dweadful spway. This is my
first expewience, ye know; I'll be wiser
next time
s'See, father" said son, with the
proud consciousness of a duty done, II
have saved $500 from my years allow
ance." 'sGood," exclaimed the old man;
'syou are a wise young fellow, Charley
eyes, father; and I wish you would add
$500 to it, I've got to pay some debts"
"What are you doing in that closet.
Bobby?" inquired his anxious mother,
who didn't like the way he was ''mussing''
things up. 'sOh, nothing much. Only
heard Mrs. Smith tell you this morning
that you had a skeleton in your closet as
well as she, and 1 want to find it and
have some fun with it,
''What this country wants. said the
man who talks politics on the street car,
sis men who are not afraid to meet their
Then he noticed that in
the crowd the conductor had overlooked
him, and he dropped off the car a block
away from his destination for fear the
error would be discovered.
The announcement that there will be no
session of the Concord School of Philoso-
ply the present summer will cause deep
md widespread gloom, coming right on
1T the heels of the statement that Binkey
McFadden, the Observation-Disclosures
pitcher has refused to sign with the Bigh-
I'd Base Ball Club this year.
AN ExPL L4NATIoN.-What is this 'snervpus troub-
e'' with which many seem now to be afflicted?
f you will remember few years ago the word
Malaria was comparatively unknown,-to-day it is
s common as any word in the English language,