News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-01-05
THE JOKERS' BUDGET.
THE -HUMOR OF THE FUNNY
WRITER'S.
A Cruel Parent.-Amusing Smith.
Some StyIe.-Wanted to Realize.
Not Necessary.-Scared, etc, etc.
WANTED TO REALIZE.

Johnnie, bright boy of six years,
while being fixed up for school, observ-
| ing that his overcoat was much the
worse for wear, and having more mend
| ed places than he admired, turned to
| his mother and asked her: "Ma, is pa
| rich?"
eyes; very rich, Johnnie. He is now
worth two and half millions"
s'What in, MAJ"
ooh, he values you at one million, me
ion.
Johnnie, after thinking a moment,
said:
"Ma, tell papa to sell the baby and
buy us some clothes.
THE VOYAGE OF LIFE.
First College Student-Yes, George,
my mind is made up; fame first, wealth
next, then marriage.
Second College Student-I disagree
with you, John. My plan is wealth
first, then the achievement of fame will
be easy enough. After that marriage.
Ten years later.-George-Say, John,
stop moment.
John.-In big hurry, George. Old
Doctor Blank won't come again until
his bill is paid, and I'm hunting for an
other. All the children have the measles.
Anything [ can do for you.
Yes, John; lend me nickel to buy
safety-pin. Omaha World.
KEEP YOUR HEAD IN.
''Better keep your head in the car"
continued the conductor on the Lansing
train as he passed through a coach and
saw an old man with his head thrust out.
It was slowly drawn in, and the owner
turned to man on the seat behind and
asked: "What harm does it do to put
my head out?"
"You might knock some of the tele-
graph poles down."
'Oh, that's it! Well, if they are so
mighty 'fraid of few old poles, I'll
keep my head in. That's the way on
the railroads since that new law went
into effect.
A CRUEL PARENT.
Father-I regret, my dear sir, that
cannot allow you to marry my daugh
ter Lydia.
Suitor-Why not, my dear sir?
Father-Because she is entirely too
young to marry.
Lydia (who has been hstening)-
'sBut, pa, it amt right to refuse to give
the gentleman what he wants on &C
count of fault for which neither he
nor 1 are to blame. 1t is your own
fault, pa, that am not old enough to
marry. Why didn't you marry few
years sooner
NOT HowLING:
'I say, Springstein, 1 don't hear you
bowling round SO much now about An
archy, Socialism, division of property,
and all of them modern inventions.
What's come over you-didn't it pay?"
"Vell, you see, Shorty, the shircum-
stanshes vas schanged leetle. My on
kle is Owstralia, he died lasht week. unit
I shust get word as he leefe me tree tou-
san dollar. You don peleefe L divite
it nit deese feller-schkarsely !'-Har-
per'S Weekly.
TOO MIsTRUsTFUL.
"What luck did you have at the farm
house ?" asked one tramp Of another.
"None at all. The woman was too
blamed mistrustful.
"How was that?'
"When asked her for something to |
eat she asked me if l could saw wood.
I told her L could"
eyes, what then ?"
"Why, I'll be dog-goned if she didn't
want me to prove it. "-lNerchant IraO-
6lIer.
AWAY UP.
Brown was abusing Smith violently,
on the sidewalk one night. Jones, who
was Smiths friend, heard it from an up
per window, and yelled to Smith,
'.Knock hir1 down." The next day
Jones and Smith met. "Why didn't
YOU knock that man DOWN. asked
Jones, 81 hollered to you to do it;
eyes" replied Smith, "and | would
have holIered the same thing had L
been up where you were"
A SHAME.
"Now. isn't that burning shame?"
said Mrs. Seldom, rs she pushed her
spectacles up on her forehead and laid
Down the morning paper "What's
chat, mag said her youngest son. I
'sWhy. Emperor William gave an audi
ence to Prince William yesterday.
Think of that, my SOMA whole audi ]
3nCe given away like SO HlaLy chIIIe'
It's awful p Chicago NeloS.
STYLE.
He had lust come from the East and ,
was. putting on a good deal of style.
Finally he was waited on one night q
,y a lot of cowboys, one of whom said:
There's q tenderfoot in town, and we
ire going to show him life IN the West.
,s'Gentlemen," he said, 81 was hazed
It college," ]
The cowboys skunk away one by one. 1
.Tecas SJtings.
TALL ENOUGH. L
''You must remember, my daughter,
-ou are only little girl. I can't think
# letting you wear long dresses yet" Y
''But, mamma, 1 am as tall as you