davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-05-19
FULL OF FUN.

"A philosopher being asked to de-
fnc quarrel. said: 1T is usually
the termination Of . misundcrstand-
ing"
Teacher. Charles what is the
material of which ballooas are most
generally made?" Charles (after re-
lection)--"Fiy paper. "-Go,d;a Days
An exchange says: ''S.art your
boys on tho right track" That:
easier said than done. It requires
considerable switching sometimes. -
Household.
Antiquarian G,nt-.Got any old
-ah-Roman weapons or pottery
latcly?" D.aler-"'Xpcct 'em mex,
week sir-'ain't quitc16nished rustin'
vet SIR"
--"Lize." said q mother to her little
girl. "what do you do sf,cr washing
your face and hands?" Il was hint
to comb her hair. but Liz didn't take
it that way. why. 1 dry them. Of
course" was her reply.
Woman Ito tramp, sharply
''You don't seem to like that SOUP
Amt it good?" Tram Yes it's
good favored. mum. b3t there ain I
quite body enough 10 il. Couldn't you
wash a courls more dish IS in i,7"
Elder Jones - .Wtn. Brother
Smith. how many have you in your
church?' Elder Smito o-.Oh, two
hundred and some odd How many
have you?" Elder Jonct 1.-Two hun.
drcd and all odd. BID F!inyson Free
Press.
Jones is brave MAY remarked
ono travelling man to smother. He
distinguished himself D the war"
Yes know Of only lne thing tha,
he is afra;l 10 do" What is that?"
'Rn: his own door ell at three
o'clock in the morning "-Acrchay
Zrdreicr
"A man whose surnauHc was Silence,
wien about 10 give cvit tcnce in civil
c,se. was tod to st5lc his name.
'Silencc!' he roarcd ott with rather
stcntorian lungs. and was nearly being
for contempt Of court. be-
fore the mvs.cry Of tho seeming inn
pertincncc was cleared mp
-Milkman 60 assistanD-"Jim.
Mrs Hendricks complains that the
milk you le:, this morni{ g didn't agree
with her baby. Arc certain the
milk yOu leave there all from one
cow?" Assistant. -"Ye1 sir. but thi.
the we'll rope htoke. an Ihad
10 use cis.ern water" Milkman.
We'll by thunder. that baby must
have a sensitive stomach. "-Harpcr's
He:klH
An ignoran, but well-mc aning
man. having b,cn elected justicc Of
the, peace in a rural district. de-
on taking his seat rs a masis-
tratc. that lit would be his most anx-
ious cndcavor to do justice without
fear, favor. or affection; in Short"
said he. emphatically. Il will take
care that on this beach l will never
be either partial or impartial"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-05-19
WHY SLlMkINs SMILED.

He Meets . Coo0deoee Man aud Kn0ekD
Him Out In One Round.
Confidence Man. Hello!Mr Slimkins;
how do you do? 1 am ever so glad to
see you!
Mr.. S (lazcdD-Well. stranger. /
don't pear to know ye- Who are ye
anyways?
C. NJ quite crestfallen)-why. Mr..
Slimkins. don't you know me? Look y
little closer.
Mr.. S. (recovering)-Well. l swow;
ef it warn't fer one thing. I'd take
We fer old man Hopkins son. Bill!
C. NJ (radiantly)-Ah. l knew you'd
know me! I'm Bill Hopkins-the same
wild Bill.
Mr.. S. (kcenly) tell! You haint
no idec. Bill. what's happened up at
the old place!
C. NJ (cagerly)-You don't says
What is it?
Mr.. S. (drily)-Why. Bill. you died
last week. and We had tho biggest fun
eral over ye yc ever see. All the folks
turned out. and you'd ought to
been there. I'm jest down now to pay
fer some of the trimmin'a There
was"
But the confidence man had slipped
away. and there wasn't any thing left
but Mr.. Slimkins chuckling to himself
with . Deep rich chuckle. - I'd
Ritz
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-05-19
Made q Difference.

They werc sitting around the stove
in = grocery, when the man with the
red goatee spoke mp and said:
1T must be awful to be cast away
on an ocean-girt island"
'.Bechcr life." responded one Of the
crowd.
.'Wcll don't know about that"
thoughtfully replied the grocer.
You don't. Why. how could it
help but be awful?"
rs the island supposed to be unin-
habited?'
''Of course"
oh. that makes . difference. ]
didn't know but that 1t was inhabited
by = grocer who kept retl-hot stove
and barrel Of apples for the con-
venience of lOaferS"
Then deep silence fell upon the
island in the far-oG Pacific. aud one
after another of the wrecked sailors
went out on somc crrand or other. =
Detroit Ffes Press
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-05-19
BLIND HANDWRITING.


How . Clover Woman CnrHvels Mysterious
Addresses for Uncle sam.
Mrs. Patti Lyle Collins is reader Of
blind handwriting in the Dcad-Lcttcr
Department of the POst-oflicc at WASH
in.ton. She has been there for many
years. and is paid liberal salary for
her work. is not afraid of going out or
coming in Administrations. because
she is an expert in her profession. She
is bright. clever woman. and has an
encyclopaedia memory for names and
places. as well as happy faculty of
guessing out obscure statements writ
ten in illcSiblc or nonsensible chiroS-
raphy on the backs of envelopes. /
found her seated at her desk at tho
noon hour eating the frugal lunch tho
department clerk carries in the rcgula-
ton paper bag. She very kindly gave
a brief sketch of her work. and showed
her method of dcciphering blind adj
dresses and making into good English
the mongrel languages recorded on the
back Of envelopes by the careless and
ignorant
'.How many languages do you speak.
Mrs Collins?' inquired.
Every known language excepting
the Russian and Chinese" she answer
ed. I'VE have few Russian letters sent
to this country. and the Chinese are so
careful in preparing the addresses
usually having one in English. in case
Of accident-that have had no expe-
rience with them"
''How many letters do you read
daily"
About one thousand; but these let
ters are never opened; only the adj
dresses are read"
"Under what administration was
this department established"
Under the management of Post
master-General Key; but have held
the position only eight years"
''Do these careless correspondents
appreciate the work you do?"
"Yes. l receive many letters of
thanks addressed simply to the Dead
Letter Department Awoman in Eng
land wrote to the POstmaster-ieneral.
asking him to find her brother in Mas
sachusctts, America; that he had left
the old country thirteen years before.
and his relatives had never heard Of
him since. found him at No Bar
rington street. Lowell. Mass HIS trade
was given. and / reasoned from this
that he would be found in manufnc-
turing town. After year another let
ter came here misdirected to the same
man. Inever forget \ name. and when
1 read Mr.. James Gum. No. 4. Bar
rington street. United States of Amer
ica,' knew where to send it. The
man has communicated with his
friends after thirteen years "-Detroit
Free Press
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-05-19

Some years ago there live In Free
port, Ill, . well-to-do citizen whose
name was Smith. He had moved
there from Racine. Wis. and being =
man of wealth and position soon made
himself lone of EN-"
He was of an irrascible temper, how
ever. and if any one infringed on his
rights he defended himself vigorously.
One day Mr.. Smith was seen driving
at full speed over the long wooden
bridge which spanned the Pecatonica.
The usual legend about not driving fast
er than n walk was in plain sight but
Mr.. Smith ignored it
The next day he was fined 8 in the
police court As he paid his fine. he
threw down another v.
"What is that for?" asked the JUS
ticc, surprised.
ITO prepay another fine. for when !
meet the fellow that informed on me,
/ am going to thrash him within an
inch of his life." was tho belligerent
answer. Free Press.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-05-19
STORY OF TWO VASES.
A Joke Which the Christy Family
Kept to Themselves.

When the old rcddlcr came in at the
door with those extremely pretty vases.
Mrs Chri>ty felt that they were the
very things that she wanted in her
spare bedroom. and so. instead OF
saying ..No'' when he politely request
cd her TO see if She had any ''old clio 'es
to change for some splendid vases. =
she allowed him to sit down while she
went upstairs to rummagc, and came
down with some old garments of her
husbands and one of those old Stella
shawls." which certainly she never
should wear again. unless it was al
night. for they went out of fashion be-
fore she was married.
Ii came to her mind that she was
foolish to leave a stranger alone su
long. but the old man was sitting quiz
city where she had left him. and looked
SO much like benevolent old patri-
arch that she was ashamed of remem-
bcring that the spoons were i'm the
pantry and the pantry unlocked. How
ever. he wos quit, worldly enough to
drive hard bargain. AMI to the coat.
vest and shawl she had to add a gown
that might very well have been worn
often again.
However. it was not ready money,
and she felt that the vases-good imi-
tations OF very costly ones-were love-
~. She carried them into the spare
room. and they made the mantel-piece
quite different thing. Returning to
the dining-room. however. a shock
awaited her. Her husbands overcoat
which he had unwisely left at home
that day. because it was unusually
warm. was gone from its peg on the
hall rack. and. opening the pantry
door, she saw the spoons were gone
with it. They were only plated. but
no one likes to lose any thing i'm that
way. Beside. she fc.t greatly to blame
for ii. The old man had been gone a
long while. and, though she sent mes
scnSer for police officer. he gave her
no hope of catching the thief or of get
ting the things back.
''Was there nothing else gomez the
man asked.
Mrs Christy looked about her and
discovered one thing more. q counter
felt IS bill. She had had it given to
her year before, and had found that
it was worthless. and had written
across the back: This is counterfci.," :"
and added her initials; and somehow
she kept it in her work-basket. The old
man had spied it with his giistenin. .
black eyes, and had helped himself to
it.
.'At all events he can't pas, it. "
laughed Mrs. Christy. Il feel little
consoled when l remember how pro
yoked he will be"
He'll pass it somehow" said the
policeman. rs he walked away. promis.
ing to report the case.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-05-19
WIT AND WISDOM.

Opportunity places . good many
fools in high places.
Promise cautiously; but when you
have promised. fulfill scrupulously.
Lent doesn't bother the man who
can dine on fresh salmon and brook
trout
As q rule the whittier the diamond
the more it is worth. It is the same
way with character.
Within may be time wasted. but
bewar' OBJ de man wat whittles vile
he dickers.-Judge.
Tho poorest education that teaches
self-control is better than the best that
neglects it-Sseriisg.
If you let others think for you. you
will soon find yourself adrift ON tho
endless shore of indecision.
1t may wound your vanity. but
rest assured that you will succeed in
this world If you deserve it.
"A man lives by believing some
thing. not by debating and arguing
about many thing&-Carlyi&
1T is always to be feared that they
who marry where they do not love will
love where they do not marry.
1t is the greatest possible praise to
be praised BY man who is himself de-
serving Of praise. e.-From tie Latin.
Some one has given definition Of
an agnostic which says: He is q fell
low who pretcnds he can do nothing.
and thinks he knows it ALL"
1t is not disgraceful to any ono
who il poor to confess his poverty; but
the not cxerting ones self to escape
poverty is disgraceful -Pericles.
The laws of nature are Just. but
terrible. There is NO weak mercy in
them. Cause and consequence are in
scparable and inevitable. -Karanagh
The reason why 20 few marriages
are really happy is because young la
dies spend their time in making nets,
and in not making cageA-D Dean
Srin
Praise not people to their faces, to
the end that they may pay thee in the
same coin. This is 80 thin . cobwcb
that it may with little difficulty be seen
through. 'Tis rarely strong enough to
catch flies Of any considerable magni.
tude.-FNller.
There is an cid saying that
knowledge 10 power" This is not
true. Action is power. and when
guided by knowledge produces the
largest measure Of results have On.
countered men who knew more of tho
science Of war than Grant. 4e1Aa o.
Hancock. whom would not l5dHe en-
trusted with . picket guard. -Gssssat
SAeynsaia
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-05-19
THE LIMEKILN CLUB.
Brother 0ardnee Talks About Thlag1 II
Woald He Well - Remoaboe.

Brother 0ardnsr Taiks About Thiags 10
wosld He Well - Remember.
''In walkin' softly long do path Of life
dar' am sartin fings it would be we'll
to remember" said Brother Gardner.
rs the meeting opened
'.Doan' judge Of . mans beauty by
his whiskerA He may grow 'em to
conceal pimplcs an scars
'.Doan' Judge of woman's good ma
tur' by her talk on street kyar or the
way she smiles in church.
'Onc reason why our chill'cn git
licked so often is because their parents
happen to be de biggest
'.It is only a fool who goes around
lookin' fur . model man. A man Wild
out faults would be too soft to stand dis
climate.
~ lille consistency should bc re-
spected in q gineral way. doan' hcsi-
tate to squirm out O. any sort of loop
hole when argyin' wild lawyer.
"About do time a man begins to as
sert dat dis world owes him libin' ar
about de date when he should git his
first sentence to state prison.
when you h'ar pusson argfying
dat dar' am no sich thing as fuchur'
punishment you has lighted upon an ole
sinner who ar tryin' to lie to hisself.
"You compliment some men alto
gether too highly to call 'em hog. ]
hev noticed dat no hog gets drunk ex.
ccpt by accident
while l admit George Washington
was a great an good man, would not.
if l was runnin' = o'ner grocery. trust
any odder American on dat account.
DE man who am allus ready to fight
fur his convictions will fight on de
wrong side at least half de time.
If it wasn't for nayborhood gossip
some chiren would 60 widout shoes
an some mothers would put six mo-
dollars into deir bonnets
IAN egotistical pusson is simply
reflection in natures lookin' glass.
dignity ar de fence which sartin
people build up to keep de world from
gittin' clus 'nuf to find out how bad
dey really am. "-Dstrois Free Press
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-05-19
RELIGIOUS AND EDUCATIONAL

What We do Of ourselves is not the
best We can do. We must. for the best.
seek for divine strength and light to
help pu&-Lisnexs.
In several New York City schools
the students are taught to write ambi-
dextrousiy; and it has been found that
writing with the left hand has resulted
in improved writing with the right
hand.
-Co-education of tho sexes Is car
ricd on without limit in the University
Of Texas Young men and women arc
admitted to the same classes in every
department, and are eligible to the
same degrees and honorA
In studying the Word Of God. d.
gest it under these two heads; either
as removing some Instructions that
keep God and thee asunder. or rs sup
plying some uniting power to bring
God and thee together
1t is important to be strong. like
the rock that nothing moves. but also
to be gentle. humble and lowly. like
the vine that grows out of its crevice
and trails about its surfaces Nature
is full of tapestries hreseyscr-
ian
Let education then. teach children
this great truth. written on the front
of the universe. that God has 50 consti-
tutcd this world that whatever Is really
and truly valuable may be possessed
by all. and possessed in exhaustless
abundance Horace Mann.
One Of the. saddcst thoughts Of q
true Christians heart is the fact that
many whom he has learned to esteem
he has no hopes of finding in the Heav-
emily home. Why should you rum tho
risk of being shut a*ay at last from
those You have most loved ON earth?-
Christian q Work.
Tho Bible embodies all that .
Christian can need. 1t is his only
chart through this tempestuous life.
In trouble, it is his consolation; in
prosperity. his monitor; in difficulty.
his guide; amid the darkness Of death.
and while descending into the shadowy
valley. it is the day-star that illumines
his path. and cheers his soul with the
prospect of immortal glory.
Teachers who bring enthusiasm
to their work. who magnify their vo-
cation. entering upon it as . career
and not as makeshift would doubt
less be more numerous II . public sem
timcnt could be aroused which would
remove the school house from all i'm
fiuenccs which tend to cheaper or de-
grade il. Give to teaching something
Of the dignity and consideration Of
preaching and you do the State an in.
calculable servicc.-N r Tribune.
The women Of Russia are more
for a liberal education than
their sex in any other European coun-
try. In 1886 there werc 40 female
students at the universities. the major.
ity being daughters Of noble political
and military officials In addition to
these there are several hundred Russian
ladies' studying at non-Russ,an univer.
sites. principally in Switzerland and
in Paris The majority study medi
zine.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-05-19
The KETTLE ON THE CRANE.

Wv uue OHAN6
mt.ay ma pleasant pictures does the recollee
A'.ne and by gone pleasures that around tn,
nresfde cling!
What tender rrmin,s.or.,s .s-,
1ea ir dreams hear the singing OF the kettI.
on the crane!
singing. singing. singing
uo ana merry. fast and slow:
murnur. murmur. murmur
Soft and low.
tne broa l. wide-open chimney with Ia
roaring cracking fire.
0ant up with logs OF gen rous size to make the
names leap higher:
near the waitinG-tab.c stands. spread
"ountiful and plain,
"oae cheerily the kettle sings and sings upon
the crane.
near IL singing, singing. singing.
roua and merry. fast and slow:
ucSf u murmur murmur murmur,
Soft and low. .
Sfandmothcr In the corner sits and softly to
and fro
&C rocks, and dreams OF friends and scenes in
days OF long ago;
ner face grows sweet and tender as the past
comes back again.
"nie listening to the singing Of the kettle on
the crane.
near IT singing. singing singing.
Loud and merry. fast and slow:
near II murmur, murmur, murmur,
Soft and low.
Isce the children caper. as with elceful laugh
and call
they watch the dancing pictures OF the shad-
ows on the wall
And hn,.
refrain
That follows the soft music OF the kettle on the
crane
Hear it singing. singing. singing.
Loud and merry. fast and slow:
hear 1t murmur, murmur. murmur,
Soft and low.
And. ere the evening hour is done, with linger-
ing step and slow.
embers glow
They read the futures story, and they see a
wedding train.
And bells chime with the singing OF the kettle
on the crane.
Hear !: singing, singing. singing,
Loud and merry. fast and slow.
Hear IL murmur. murmur, nurmUF,
Soft and low.
me like a spell
The Clock upon the mantcl, where I learned the
time to tell;
The simple, hom~ly furniture, the kcepsakes
few and plain
And the murmuring OF the kettle as it hung
upon the crane.
Hear il singing. singing. singing.
Loud and mercy, fast and slow:
Hear IL mrrmur. murmar. murmur,
Soft and low.
Oh. there's bliss supreme in home, when its
joys are pure and sweet,
Ans. ::!e's most sacre I memories around the
hearthssv.e meet:
And the tendcrest thoughts and saddest ones
come horne upon the strain
OF the singing Of the kettle as it hung upon the
crane
Hear il singing. singing. singing,
Loud and merry, fast and slow:
Hear ii murmur. murmur, murmur.
Soft and low.
--E1r5ara Dease. in lonkers .Sctcsman.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-05-19

Representatives Of nearly all ma
tionalities arc to be seen in the streets
of San Francisco. and all of them can
find good reading in the public library
of that city. The library has book
containing the Lords prayer in sls
different dialects. The work was com.
piled by A. Amer. aud published in
Vienna in 1siA. and is one Of the queer.
est books in existence.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-05-19

in 1866 Evander Cameron. aged
thirty, Of Toulon. Tex. fell in love
with and proposed marriage to Miss
Mary Baynes. twenty years old. He
was accepted. but the young lady's
father objected. The daughter refused
to marry without the old gentleman's
consent. which he refused. For TWEEN.
ty-two years Cameron called on his
sweetheart twice a week, until at last
the barrier to the union was removed
in the death Of The father. and the tsi:k-
full lovers were weddetl
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-05-19
Rather Thin An Around.

'.Do you get Bologna sausage at
your boarding house?"
Yes"
''Well. il were you I wouldn't cat
any,"
why not?"
because there is danger Oh trichi-
nae"
mot much. II the sausage at our
boarding house was full Of trichinae
there would be no danger for our land
lady cuts the slices SO thin that the
smallest microbe is cut in two. No.
we are all safe. "-Nocking Bird
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-05-19

The phenomenon Of thirteen
trumps in a hand at whist occurred
in the United Service Club at Calcutta
recently. A judge and three physi-
clans were the players. and they and
the witnesses made due record Of it.
The pack was perfectly shufiied and
cut, and the dealer held the hand,
turning up the knave Of clubs Pole
has calculated that the chance of this
event occurring is one in 158. $50. 000.-
OOO
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-05-19

Portland boasts Of a silent whist
club composed wholly Of young ladies.
All but one Of them are dumb
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1888-07-24
OUR A
Rates on Railroads.

The meeting Of the State Alliance
in this city on the 14th of next month
promises to be largely attended. The
delegates chosen to represent, the
various County Alliances are men Of
high character and fine judgment. It
will be a splendid body of representa-.
tive North Carolina gentlemen. It
will consider questions of supreme i'm
portance to the great interests Of the
farmers. of the State, and in which
every good citizen will have an in.
terest.
In response to our application to
the railroads, for reduced rates for
persons attending the Alliance, we
have received the following official
communication from Col. Turk,
Division Passenger Agent
Col. L. L. Polk, RALEIGH, N. C.:
Dear Sci am in receipt of the
following telegram from MI. Sol
Haas, Traffic Manager:
RICHMOND, Va, July IL.
W. A. TURK, RALEIGH, N. c.:
Rates have been agreed upon to
North Carolina State Farmers ALI
ance based on tariff 2, circular l,775.
Tickets on sale August 18th and 18th,
good to return until 10Th, inclusive,
Sol Haas"
W. A. TURK, d. P. A..
The circular referred to gives the
rates for distances of ten to four hun
bred miles, and are the same as are
published by the Fruit Fair, and
which all agents IRE instructed to OBJ
serve in selling tickets. These rates
are very low and will be given to all
parties at all points within the State
by the railroad agents. We will
secure the best rates possible at our
hotels and boarding houses for those
attending the Alliance, and will have
a local committee to look after the
comfort and pleasure of visitors and
delegates.
The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1888-07-24
THE ALLIANCE NAME POPULAR

A brother writes that parties in the
State are manufacturing AMI selling
tobacco, branded Farmers Alliance
and does not think it right unless the
manufacturers belong to the order and
the business is operated by Alliance
men. Of course, this is being done
and we may look for "Alliance plows "
"Alliance cigars" "Alliance wagons"
"Alliance" everything, to get the
farmers trade. But the Alliance
is arranging to get its mem
bers to open their eyes and not be
satisfied with simply a name. AS
soon as we a get our Business System
perfected and have it and all it's
branches covered and protected by a
charter, then when the brethren see
the word "Alliance" on any article
they will know it's meaning.