davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Irish standard., 1888-12-01
ALWAYS BE TRUTHFUL.
x-Governor David Dunn's Efforts to AvoItS
fnI

Ex- Governor David Dunn's Efforts to AvO!&
Beiug Cheated.
A Poland man, says the Lewiston (Me.)
Journal, once had occasion to borrow horse
Of Ex-Governor David Dunn, the famous Po-
land lawyer, having to ride several mlies
to see several people. He made the trip, re-
turned drove to the Governors house, found
no one at home, put the horse in the stable
and then went to the store where he found
the old Democratic leader talking with some
friends.
81 put the horse in your stable and fed
him.
'All right"
s'Now, what's the bill2'
"Where did you gos"
"l first went to Deacon Smiths"
elbow far do you call that9'
"Three miles"
"I know better. It's three miles and a
half,
"Well, call it 80. Then went over to my
brother's.''
"How many miles does that makea"
"Sevcn.'
sits all Of eight"
This examination continued until the en-
tire route had been covered, when the man
who borrowed the horse said: "Now, Gov
ernor, what is the billl Tell me, and if I've
got money enough I'll pay it now"
s'The bill?" said the Governor. "I don't
want any thing. When you want the horse
take him. I didn't care how far you went,
but when you undertook to tell me couldn't
afford to be cheated in the miles"
The Irish standard., 1888-12-01
From a Southern Exchange.

From Southern Exchange.
A country daily paper experienced a
dearth of news, aud feeling itself to be on
an excellent footing with its readers, thus
introduced the subject:
ssFrom trustworthy source we learn
nothing for to-day. There has nothing
whatever happened in our dear old town
that we consider sufficiently important or
interesting to lay before our readers. In
the present state Of the weather this will
not matter very much, as instead of perus-
ing two or three columns Of incredible acci-
dents, offers Of marriage, or the course Of
politics in Bukovina, ETC., ETC., our esteemed
subscribers Of either sex will prefer taking
walk to enjoy the fresh air, the fragrance
of the flowers, and the singing Of the birds.
Should there, however, be. one who has no
taste for those things, we would recon-
mend him to take down volume of an en-
cycl0p@dia and read up the articles on hypo-
chondria and liver complaint. With the re-
turn Of the wet weather we hope to present
to our readers the usual supply Of highly
sensational neWs''
The Irish standard., 1888-12-01
A HAPPY THOUGHT.

How the Draznatist Labiche Saved q Vil7
lago and His Own Life:
The following story Of the late Palais
Royal dramatist, Labiche, is given by the
New Y ork Telepans: During the late Franco
German war Labiche retired to his estate
near the village of sauvigny, where he was
promptly appointed maire. One day the
ubiquitous Uhlans appeared, and, riding up
to Labiche, the officer thus addressed him:
"You are maire Of Sauvigny, monsieur?"
II aul," was the reply.
s'Then let me warn you," returned the
Uhlan, ssthat if you allow the Francs -Tireurs,
now in the neighborhood, to entrench them
selves in this place I shall be under the
painful necessity Of burning the village and
shooting it's maire."
s'But, my dear sir" replied poor Labiche,
lit must surely be clear to you that i, as
maire, possess no power to prevent any one
who chooses from entering Sauvigny. Had
possessed such a power, ''he added, with
smile, 81 hardly need assure you that should
have exercised it to prevent your visit, mon
Capltaine!''
"Quite So" answered the German, pleas
antly. "BuS am sorry to say that shall
be obliged to shoot you all the same it those
Francs -Treurs do come here and remain" !"
And, so saying, he put spurs to his horse
and galloped off with his men. The next
morning the dreaded Francs -Tneurs actually
did arrive, and Labiche, determined tossave
the vilage-and himself, if possible-at once
set of to pay visit to the commanding off,
Ger. He had arranged his plan of campaign
over night, and as soon as he came in sight
Of the Francs -Yireurs' leader he hurried
up to him, embraced him warmly, and ex-
claimed:
"Ah, mon General, you are come to save
MS. are you nots For we are surrounded by
hordes OF Prussians, let me tell you. There
is not road which they do not hold in force
except that one by (which you have so luckily
arrived this very hour!''
"You are quite sure Of that?" asked the
officer, anxously.
Positive, cried Labiohe.
s'Then, to horse, monsieursr' exclaimed
the Francs -Tireurs' leader, curtly; and in
less time than quarter of an hour tho
whole detachment had left Sauvigny and
was hurrying along the road it had come by
as fast as it could go. So Sauvigny was not
burned by the Germans, and Labiche was
not shot; and up to the last railways gave
the dramatist exceptional qualification to
explain how it was both were saved, thanks
to his happy thought.
The Irish standard., 1888-12-01
NOT VERY. PROFITABLE.
A Cargo of Peaches That Brought It's
Grower Two Cents.

Cargo of Peaches ThaC Brought xe0
Grower Two Cents.
ga cargo of peaches for a postage stamp.
Yes, sir, sold carload Of the luscious
fruit for one postage stamp, and I'm glad
the fellow didn't bring me in his debt" The
speaker was Byron Salesberry, the hand
some Delaware peach-grower. He stepped
into the Continental Hotel cafe to spend the
postage stamp and some reserved funds
that he had brought to the city with him,
and was talking to Philadelphia Rcc01d re-
porter. Salesberry has fine peach orchard,
and is gentleman farmer. When friend
of his told him that he had raised oats on
his Delaware County farm that cost $l1 per
bushel, Salesberry smiled and said he would
show people what it is to be gentleman
farmer. He got his orchard into shape, and
each day watched the fuzz as it gathered Cd
the skin of peach like boy who watches
his first mustache sprout. Then tho cargo
was harvested and sent to market. AT the
time it reached the city the produce dealers
were tossing peaches into the river. the
market was glutted. Yesterday the grower
Just stepped up to the city to carry back his
wealth. The commission merchant took
him out to dinner, poured an absinthe cock
tail into him, and then settled down to busi-
ness. After few minutes conversation
the merchant handed the grower two-cent
postage stamp and asked for receipt.
"What's this for?" gasped. the Della
warean.
s'That's your share of the prohts," bland
" returned the commission merchant.
ssYou're in luck, old man.''
Then he handed Mr.. Byron Salesberry .
slip that read like this:
For harvesting crop, baskets, crates, ..o. -.
elo ...'...' '''''''''''' SEQ "a
Freight ETC., hauling.... 36s 5 o9 9
Commisslons........ ............ .'.'..'. ~'s w
Total 81, ,122 80
Receipts from sales. 1,122 10
Due TO grower. wer.....................
sAnd the man gave me postage stamp
and that settled the business" said Sales
berry. "Do you know any body that wants
to buy an orchard! Just send them around.
TIL throw III the postage stamp''
The Irish standard., 1888-12-01
THE IRISH STANDARD: SATURDAY, DECEMBER l.
4 SCOTCH BUTLER.
Ro insisted Upon CatSEoriol AnswsEs e
HIS Masters Questions.

He insisted Upon CatSgor1cal Answers %
His Masters Questions.
George Grossmith, the noted English hu-
morist, tells the following in his book "A
Society Clowns"
"a laird sent his Scotch but1er to me one
evening to make inquiries respecting my
entertainment. The butler, an elderly,
pompous and exceedingly stupid man, pro-
duced piece of notepaper containing q
string of questions which he was instructed
to ask me.
1.-THE first question was: 'Can Mr.. Gros-
smith give an entertainment at Aberdeen
ON January -"
Irepied that my nightly engagements at
the theater would totally prevent my &C.
cepting an engagement at Aberdeen. I
could only sing at afternoon parties in town
or q short distance from it.
The butler, with broad Scotch accent,
which I need not initiate here, said: "Ye'n
have the goodness to answer this question,
please: Can Mr.. Grossmith give an enter
tainment on January ry-F"
'sNo; can not,' 1 replied.
The butler continued reading: 'What
will be his termsa''
sBut can not co." argued.
'sYe'n save deal o. time if yell answer
the questions, please. Whatll be the
terms?"
"Wel, we will say hundred guineas, as
I can't co." answered, endeavoring to re-
STRAIN myself from bursting out laughing in
his face.
The butler made note of the terms and
continued: evil the entertainment be con-
sistent?"
ssWhat?'' CALCULATED.
ssWill the entertainment be consistent?"
"Cons1stenta" For the life Of me could
not see what he meant.
s'Yes-consistent."
thought little and then said: "Wcld
you kindly explain the question: I do not
understand it in the least"
The butler said: "Well, you must know
the laird is strict Presbyterian, and all the
guests will be strict Presbyterians, and he
wants to know if your entertainment will be
consistent
''Now understand you," replied. Seer
tainly, my entertainment will be quite con-
sistent. am always very careful and shall
only sing Presbyterian comic songs"
He made note of my remark in the most
serious way and left, saying: ''The laird
himself will write to say if he can accept
the terms.''
This occurred nearly ten years ago and
the laird has not written yet.
The Irish standard., 1888-12-01
Expensive Telegraph Line.

The telegraph line from Poplar River to
Fort Maginnis, in the Department Of
Dakota, $50 miles in length, is the most
costly of all the telegraph lines connected
with the military service The intervening
country is wild and desolate in the ex-
treme and generally without inhabitants, so
that at Galpin, the repair station, this
service is obliged to maintain, at an ex-
pense Of 81 $50 per year, two civilian repair
men, since one will not live there alone.
TIE total receipts from the line during the
past year were, II, while the cost to the
Government for maintaining and operating
the section is over q 600 annually.
The Irish standard., 1888-12-01
A STARTLING STORY.

A Dead Man Arises and Partakos Freely
of Broth and Vino.
An elderly gentleman residing in the Rue
Rochechouart, Paris, who was supposed to
be dead, has, according to the St. James
Gazette, suddenly come to life. He has .
nephew in Paris who, being duly informed
of his demise on Sunday, repaired at once to
the house, with his wife, to keep watch over
the mortal remains of his uncle until they
should be borne to their last resting place.
On Monday evening, as the lady was tired,
her husband sent her to the drawingroom
to take some repose on sofa, and a servant
having placed some wine and broth on q
table, he threw himself into an arm-chair
in the bedroom and soon went soundly
asleep. On awakening at four in the morn
ing he found that the broth had disappeared,
and that the bottle of wine was half empty.
Becoming alarmed, he went to his wife in
the drawing-room, reused her and told her
what had happened. She returned to
the bedroom with him, but the pair had
hardly reached the door when they heard
q noise. They paused on the thresh-
old, and, to their CONSERVATION a
voice bade them not be afraid but
to come in. The husband entered the
room, but soon rushed out with his hair
standing on end. he had seen his uncle's
ghost. The old man was sitting ,envelopedi in
sheet, on the side of his bed. The supposed
corps had the utmost difficulty in getting his
panic stricken relatives to understand that
he was not dead after all. 81 am alive!"
he repeated, adding that the preparations
for his funeral had not escaped his notice.
He had been in lethargy, and, waking up,
had helped himself to the broth, which had
done him good. Hearing some one approach
ing he had jumped into bed, as he was
anxious not to cause any alarm; but Richard
was himself again. He felt perfectly re-
covered, and certainly on close examine
tion the uncle's appearance by no means
belied his words. The refreshments had
come in most opportunely to restore him,
and as he was much pleased with the af-
fectionate attention which his relatives had
shown him after his supposed departure
from this world, every thing was soon made
happy and comfortable all round. The doctor
of the quarter had not yet officially con-
frmed the demise Of the worthy uncle, who
seems to have taken new lease Of life
The Irish standard., 1888-12-01
An Antisoptic Paint.

The use of wood-creosote, which is ex-
tensively distilled in North Carolina from
the wood Of Ptnus 1oalustrts, is recommends
ed by Captain w. 81. Bixby for antiseptio
purposes. It destroys vegetable and
animal life, repels moisture, and coagulates
or metallic surfaces, It preserves them
Of insects; and when forced by hydraulic
septic effects are extended to the very cen
Ter Of the block. ssI Ils9
The Irish standard., 1888-12-01
REMEMBER THIS LIST.

Familiar Expressions That Arc Generally
Quoted Wrong.
It is apeculiar faculty Of human memory
to misquote proverbs and poetry, and al
most invariably to place the credit where 1t
does not belong.
Nine men out Of ten think that I" The Lord
tempers the wind to the shorn lamb" Is
from the Bible, whereas Lawrence Sterne
is the author. "Pouring oil upon the trou-
bled waters is also ascribed to the sacred
volume, whereas it is not there; in fact, no
one knows its origin.
Again, we hear people say, 1.-THE proof Of
the pudding is in chewing the string" This
is arrant nonsense, and the proverb says:
"The proof of the pudding is in eating
thereof, and not in chewing the string.n.
Nothing is more common than to hear,
"a man convinced against his will
Is OF the same opinion still"
This is an impossible condition OF mind
for no one can be convinced Of one opinion,
and at the same time hold to an opposite
one What Butler wrote was eminently
seusible:-
.He that complies against his will
Is of his own opinion still"
A famous passage Of Scripture is often
misouoted thus: stHe that is without sin
among you let him cast the first stone" 1t
should be: "Let him first cast stone."
Sometimes we are told: Behold how
great fire little matter Hndleth;" where
as st. James said: s.Behold how great q
matter little fire kindleth," which is quite
different thing.
We also hear that '.a . miss is as good as q
mile" which is not as sensible or forcible
as the true proverb, "a miss Of an inch is
as good as q mile"
.'Look before you leap'' should be S. And
look before you ere you leap"
written.
>. Immodest words ADMIT Of no defense,
For want Of deoency is want of sense"
though it would puzzle any one to find the
verses in his writings. They were written
81 the Earl Of Roscommon, who died before
Pope was born; v 81 4.
franklin said, S Honesty is the best
policy, = but the. maxim IS Of Spanish ORIGIN.
and may be found in { 6 Don Quixote. =
The Irish standard., 1888-12-01
Women Wood-Workers.

sTalkirg gabout employing women in fac
tories,'' said Manistee (Mich.) lumberman
to the Tsmbermos,, ssbrings about the fact
that the hoop factory at Manistee employs
women feeding the planers and other light
work Of that nature, and finds that they do
the work well; and at the dairy salt facto-
ries all the sacling and such work is done
by girls, who work on piece work and earn
about 81 to t1.25 . day, and seem to like the
employment. The only size sacks they seem
to object to is the ten-pound sl9e, which
they say are little heavy to handle ct
arms length. As they work in pairs,
enough, they can change @ and rest them-
ealpes in that WA1.ss
The Irish standard., 1888-12-01
A Horse Homesick.

is reported from Kimball, D. T. Some time
j. o. York, and among the number was q
dozen years. No sooner had the horse
changed stables than he began to grow
sick, refused all food, and was thoroughly
III, but when allowed to 20 free the other
day scampered back to his old stable ap-
pareuty as well as ever.
The Irish standard., 1888-12-01
Turned 1t Edeewiso.

|" Smith is q mighty mean man, say,''''
exclaimed Jenkins, warmly. "Why, what
has Smith ever done to yous' asked Blen.
kinsop, surprised. 6 Bet me ten dollars ]
couldn't hit a barn door with revolver at
i've paces,n said jenkins, Il angrily.
.ss g Taunted me into taking him up. Got me
Stoput up the money. Measured of the five
races ia the presence Of Q lot Of witnesses.
Gave me . revolver loaded, and then set the
s3oor open gdgeWise''s = .ssS ,5@a5$5 |4,3 a
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-06-17

rest once In while Of course-not long at tmc.
but, thea when we consider that she always stays
Tor that purpose at the intersection Of two narrow
streets and light tho artrock perhaps it Is
long enough. Then sho always drives fast
enough TO make up the lost time. She's doing
IL now. Soc the steam fire engine get out Of her way
There goes the wheel of hosecart-those hose carts
can't stand everything Then thorc are few moro
bills and the horse again gets his attention drawn from
the condition OF his lungs. At Tenh-st. the horse
lies down exhausted.
"oh, dear" she says a policeman approaches,
u really don't know what's the matter
With my horso-I never saw him lie
down this way before. I've driven him from Ono
hundred and twenty thrist., and no came all right
to here. He must be balky or something OF that
Is II question OF life and death, madam ~ asks
the policeman, he approaches cautiously. ,
Oh, dear, yes, pretty nearly. / am going 10 the
meeting OF tho Woman's Society for the prevention OK
Cruelty TO Animals. and don't see what they can
do u their president isn't there Can't you poke him
In the side little with that stick you've got!'
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-06-17
THE NEW EMPEROR AS PRINCE.

From The London Daily News
Prince William is thorough SooleI ne - oiso eie'er
commander and otter makes speeches
Father and son 90 not resemble each other IN helr
speeches The Emperor Frederick speaks quietly ceriy
and with precision word too much or 100 ute An
expert shorthand writer has however, dMcuiV IN Keep
ing up with Prince William Inc Worus .uNo. ~ ou'
another but It all concise and short he taxes pos
session OF you and fasnaes you and his hearers ee ha
he knows what he wants HIS Noice - A~,-
which enhances the military impression u makea Al
Kongsberg in 1855 review OF the troops was hou ana
sfterward ~ students drinking bout inc IIoe oohi
handed saauander" with such precision tnAt al inc
glasses table together not ono susns oc's
behind the others Our present Emperor augn WIN no
heard Of this He hal probably not yer oisco'eed S
talent in his son. Always soldier even "heh SOihna
ing q salamander' he said -, Co.,
The Prince present at the cafhva ia Noo s
Here there much gayety especially AZ inc iose 10
toris Hall which attended by the ptlhc'Ps
and civil authorities. On this occasion inc l'.Ioo PiO
posed toast the editor Of the Cologne ne~pyper
lie said Dr. Grcben IL also generai-h., es . .
sands OF soldiers every day into battle osn, Se'
cheers for comIade Dr. Hermann orieben. - VI. IN,
neror Frederick had been there at honiss0eis -" ~
have said Always soldier"
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-06-17
STORIES OF MEANNESS


TSy sitting the club the other evening" telling
stories about mean" The closest man L ever
knew said ono, IS to-day Of the weahiest citizens
Of Massachusetts, When he young man he got
job in shoe shop, and earned So or 81 week When
Saturday he got his mOneythe first he had ever
earned-and that afternoon he invested 80 in ring,
which ne showed the following Monday with good
pride But his shopnates showed him that what
purpOred be gold only thnly washed brass, and
that the alleged stone only piece OF glass The
whole thing not werth fifteen cents. lie was
good deal cIcrtfaen, but said nothing The next
ing he turned up minus the ring bus unusually bright
and clipper. Perhaps you boys think l don't under
stand husIness,' he said L sold that ring for 49, and
made d clean dollar IT, And whom did you sell
TIP they asked To my sister,"
/ cap that" said another I crossing
the steamer to Liverpool few years ago and found
myself seated next to gentleman WAC has been prom
nen in Massachusetts politics. and is sometimes spoken
Of as statesman. On three four different days 1
opened quart OF champagne, and always invited him
20 join mo IN drinking It, invitation which he
declined Finally, one day he ordered pint and in
stead Of Offering NE any said he thought It pity that
they didn't put IL up smaller bottles because a pint
wns more than any really needed, but that he had
TO drink 1t all TO waste since corks were 80
made that they couldn't he put back Would you
mind telling me that mans name in confidence asked
the member who had told the ring story. at ALP
the answer. Then there a whispered confer
enee and The first speaker quickly said: thought
it's the man"
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-06-17
her BEAUTIFUL DRYING.
WHAT ALLIED THE HORsEi

"woman coming driving horso%
The word quickly passed along the street
Children screamed and scattered right and left strong
men shuddercd and grew pale and back into
doorways. Suddenly she dashed around the corner.
Then she was gone. policeman crawled out OF the
street with a broken leg and ruined cOuntenance.
She dashed On down the street Those who we're
warned in time got out OF the way the Others were
horne down. The truck drivers and ice wagon men
hurried into side streets The passengers got on
horse-car and lifted It from the track and gave her
the right OF way. Was she insane anything OK
that kInd' Oh, no, not at all She was all right
simply one Of those ladies' who like 20 drive and
- can handle a horse better than any they ever
SAW dearly love horscs,7 and all that sort Of thing
Occasionally she turns corner and snaps on
lamppost OF draws under shade tree. The horse Is
breathing pretty hard, to take his attention nom
hts lungs she stirs him up with the whip. Then she
comes TO a hill and agitaies the whip all the way
to the top. She Is so fond Of riding fast when sh'
drives. And this horse Just loves to 90 II you
only let him know what you want of HIM enc ie's
him know all right enough. She allows the morse 70