The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-12-14
BEING A WOMAN.
Observations on What 1t Means, by
One Who H S Evidently Tried 1t.

one W no II EVid9ntly Tried IL.
Douglass Lee in the st. Louis Republic.
There isn't man in The world but thinks
a woman has an easy time, and there isn't
one, it he had to go through the fuss and
bother Of being one, who wouldn't be in an
Insane asylum in less than year.
In the first place, you must look WELL A
man can be as ugly as home made sin, still
be popular Viii kers cover up the mos
of his face, and even tn ugh he has mouth
zig enough to take in a whole mince pie at
a single bite nobody suspects it. If be ha,
wrinkles, nobody thinks he is getting old,
but talk about the lines of care on his fore
head. Lines of care! humphl In nine cases
out Of ten those lines of care were caused
by hi scoiding lis wife when dinner was
two minutes late, or when one of those mas
culine buttons popped off, and. on, my,
wGat hullabal 0 he sets up then. But
nobody says enytiiiag about lines of care on
aer forehead q +, no! Aud mans nose
might put blood red teet to shame; but
Nobody suspects he drinks. Oh, mol
A woman must always be just So must
look charming and sweet, no mat or how
sour she feels; she fhu { sing and play on
the piano and say )metning nice to every
body. Her dress must hang and fl just so,
nave the latest puc ger, even if it was made
~ }.
shoe on a No foot, and look well dressed
on rs cents a week. She can't go out alone
a mght, as women must be pro ected she
can't lie +. 20 Mason, as she'd tell all about
the goat and the CREASED pig; she can't
Whistle climb fences, SO O cats, or say
what she feels when she gets mad. She can't
90 accounting, ut must manage some way
get married before she is 25, or everybody
will feel terribly hurt over it and sigh and
". uda VIII Sbn tsflq.l1t "A a. - a al I've
old maids d widows i'll the neighborhood
will smile and nudge each other.
Oh, those significant giances are fifty
times worse than open SANDER. It's an aw-
full thing 10 lie an old maid, and everybody
knows i. Even the women who are mar
ried to drunken husbands, and fight and
quarrel tao seven days out of the week,
live in an agony of spirit over her, and
ak about tue poor old maid. And if she
has had a sweetheart once, and he goes with
any one else now, people smile when they
soc her, aud quietly remark: "She got left, p"
when, in ell probability, he was the one
VINO got left. But must marry we'll
and marry we'll means marry ricn, and to
get married in some peoples minds is the
whole aim f a woman's existence And
when woman does get married the whole
town put their heads together and talk of
the matter if she is good enough for him :
no mention is made whether he is good
enough for her or not On no. Then tney
81. i'll relate anecdotes, how stingy her grand
father was; how lazy her Aunt Polly was,
and how he's grandma her used TO sell beans
and bu tegmilk, AID sweeten her coffee " it'll
molasses. S e must be good cook, and do
up her husbands shirts, SO that W en- he
goes down own, past a Chinese laundry
John will gnash his teeth, grow green and
yellow with hate and envy, and twirl his
pig-tail in the air with the Same unholy
pas ion. She must be able to lay her hand
on everything lii a seconds time that her
lord aud masler may want for a man never
knows where to find anything. He " i'll
put the boot-jack away, ten lerly hide it in
the darkest corner of the closet, then he'll
turn the house upside down, from the top TO
the bottom, then suIdenly appear to his
wife, with a countenance like that Of the
avenglng angel, and demand: "What in
thunder have you done with the boot jicxf'
She must shut ali the doors, likewise all the
bureau drawers, for a man was never known
to shut either.
A woma always has 10 go to bel first in
cold weai her. He never ASKS her to do his.
Oh no: wants to films { is piece in the
paper d al, "and waits until she has the sheets
To a comfortable temperature. She must
always take care of the baby, even thou h
the first infantile wonder has mul, iplied
into a round half or three-fourtns Of Il dozen
as tho case may be. Ii ne doubles up with
the collie, whooping cough or the necessary
evils of cutting teeth, paregoric, bad tenn
per, short sleeves, bare legs and pins ick-
ing in him, he wants To know why she
don't Keep her baby quiet, and speaks as if
she alone was TO blame for the racket.
When sue feels bad nobody tucks shawl
over her on the couch, or coddles her as d
man has to be coddled under such circnm-
stances. Nobody closes the door any softer
when her head is splitting with headache.
Now If there is man living who t0inks
a woman has an easy time, Just lot him
have his hair pulled to the top Of his bead
and pou1d more pinned on that, get into
pair of corsets, tie half dozen newspapers
around his waist, get into dress that he
can't more than breathe in and cal'tput his
hands TO his head without popping open
sleeve and be woman himself awhile, and
SEQ how he likes it himself.