The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-11-21

holds the hdlnS WHEN no ID oii'ihB
Time.
JENKESs writes to his girl in the
apartment house as his suite heart
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
81 DID not think you would be so
hard with me-" exclaimed the sha-k.
when he bit the anchor.-Ocean.
WHAT long legs the man must have
who can attend to his business with one
foot in the grave. GLOBE.
A MACHINE for pressing hops has
been invented. America is the home
of the hop-pressed.-Teras SJttngs.
The novelty of having baby in the
| house is likesthe trade mark on cake
of soap; il soon wears otf.-AtchtSO5S
| Weekly Globe.
LECTURES on the North Pole are
generally slow. The speaker does not
seem able 10 warm up TO the subject
NelC Orleans Picdyulte.
PHYSICIAN, heal thyself!" is an in
! junction promulgated centuries ago,
and now some of the older practitioners
are pretty well heeled.-Idea.
THERE never was day, even in New
| England, 50 fine and beautiful that
some one couldn't spoil it with a
wretched pun.-SomerUiLle Journal
LAWYER (to little boy)-Where did
YOU learn to tell such outrageous lies?
! Boy passed your Office one day when
the window was open.-1rcOLd Record.
THEY were talking about the Allan
tic cable. 1T reminds me of good
egg" he said. a good egg?" why,
hat fftll lnIh
ocean.
CARRIE" writes to know "What is
the most attractive way of wearing the
hair" On the head, Carrie; and be
sure it is pinned tight.-Burlin9 ton
Free Press.
HE-How beautiful Miss Arrow
smiths hack hair is! She-Yes. Much
prettiar than her front hair L wonder
She didn't get it all a. the same place
| HG'perS Ba.dr
REMBRANDT SMTTH-Hello, old fell
low, how are you prospering? Painting
many portraits now? Vela jqueZ Jones
Well, yes; I'm getting head pretty
well nowadays. Boston Post.
\ GUEST at Western hotel raised a
row because there was no cover on his
bed and h, wouldn't be quiet until the
landlord was compelled t. cover him
with a revolver dShingtorS Post.
EDISON has no doubt got a good
thing in his photograph, but we can
nams dozen women oii-h md who can
| give it twenty-five minutes start and
discount it without a stop.-De,rou
Free Press.
An experienced person SAYS that
when n young man attempts to kiss his
girl, anu she SAYS Don't" that is the
time he should Don't "-several times,
if not more. She will no. be pleased
if he doesn't.
~ HOPE you appreciate the fact,
sir, that in marrying my daughter
you marry a larg hearted, generous
girl. " 81 60, sir" with emotion); "and /
hope she inherits those qualities from
her father. life.
Mr.. BIBBER next morning)-O! my
head 1t is wonder that n man will
put an enemy into his mouth to steal
away his BRAINS Mrs. Bibbsr-If that's
what you did it for, Bibber, think the
enemy go. badly left.-Terre Haltte
Express.
about to investigate the causes of yell
low fever in the South. Miss Foote
| Chicago How noble But L don't
remembe to have met them. Are they
North Side family PhitddeLph,
| CIH.
A FASHION writer tells how woman
may make herself look tall or short at
will by regulating the waist of her
dress. She will not look short If she
wears a long waist; but it may have
been noticed that big waste in woman
has made husbands look short.
LONDON, with a population of over
5000, 000 has death rate of 15.1 per
1000 inhabitants, while the death rate
of New York, with population less
than 1000, 900, is nearly double those
figures. But there are no bobtail
street cars in London.
| Herald.
Numerically, Miss Edith, am
very sorry kissed you. L didn't think
what | was doing. 1t is sort of tenn.
porary insanity. Miss Edith (pitying-
| lv)-If YOU ever feel any more such
attacks coming on you had bett ar come
right here, where your infirmity is
| kuONu, anu We Will Jdhe care VI NOu.-
Judge.
"CAN you tell me where the autom-
atom chess player is ?" asked gentle
man of an attendant at the Centennial
Exposition. ado yez .mane the figger
that plays games by itself an yez can't
see anybody workin' it?" eyes, that's
what 1 mean" well, ye'd beether
wait a bit. He's gone out to dinner
now. "-Merchant TrdUeLer.
WISDOM IN DIsTIcHs.
Wisely n woman prefers a lover to man who
| neglects her.
This one may love her some day. some day the
| lover will not.
| There are three species OF creatures who when
| they seem coming going
| When they seem going they me-Diplomats,
| women and crabs
| Pleasures too hastily tasted grow sweeter in
| fond collection.
AS the pomegranate pluckod green ripens far
| over the sea-
AS the meek beasts in the garden came focking