Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-12-05
Carl Dunder.

Dunder, as he entered the Wood
bridge street Police Station yesterday
and dropped into chair.
ITO what do you refer :" queried
Sergeant Bendall.
"To some politics. ! shan't nefer
try to understand him again. l vhas
all busted oop and broke down."
"How?"
"Vhell, der poys come in my place
two months ago und says to me: old
man, 60 in und bet on Cleveland. He
vhas der man to get there. He Will
shweep der country
"Vhell, l like to make some money
und so l ben feefty dollar on Cleve-
land. 1t vhasn't fife days pefore some
poys come into my place und yells
out: 'Hooray for Harrison He
vhas der poy who knocks 'em all out
Say, oldt mans, if you like to make
some money, bet on Harrison. He
vhas the feller to sweep dis country
"Vhell, l belief dot, und bet feefty
dollar on Harrison. Pooty soon an
alderman comes in my place for a
glass of beer un says: Say, Dunder,
don't you be some fools. If you have
some money oop ON Clevelands take
her down right away. Dot election
Will knock him out like crowbar.'
"Dat scares me like eaferytings, un
l gif fife dollar to withdraw my bet.
1t Wasn't fife days before another al.
derman comes in my place to say
Hello, Dunder, hef you make shack
ass of yourself? How? Why, dot
Harrison vhas for der Chinese und
high taxes, und we shall scoop him
high und dry. He shall nefer know
who hit him. Let me advise you as
a friendt not to put any money on
him.
"Vhell dot scares me again, und
gif ten dollar to withdraw my bet on
him."
II see. Go on"
"Vhell, pretty soon feller comes
aroundt NIT banner on which vhas
painted, 'Chipman's Headquarters,
und he says: Look here Mr.. Dun
der, l like to gif you pointer. Chip
man vhas sure to get there. Put oop
dis banner und 60 nit der swim
"Vhell, l like to 60 und swim, und
so tell him to nail it oop. 1t looks
pooty nice, but he vhas oop only one
day before feller comes along nit a
banner which reads Bakers Head
quarters-Der Poy for our Votes,
und he says: Say, oldt mans don't
get left. Baker vhas going in by s..
900 majorities, und if you Wasn't a
Baker man you vhas a greenhorn.
Put dis oop as queek as you can
"Vhell, / put him oop, und Baker
vhas left out in der cold, so vhas l."
at is sad" sighed the sergeant.
"You bet NIT me it vhas A feller
comes in my place und looks aroundt
und whispers: Say. Dunder, if you
like to make some money bet on Mr..
Youngblood. He goes in by three
thousand ahead of Littlefeld. / vas
inside und know
"Vhell, / make bet of feefty dol
lar, but pooty soon feller comes in,
calls me into a corner, und says Mr..
Dunder, you vhas all right NIT der
boys, und / like to see you ahead.
Bet two to one on Littlefeld. Dot
vhas straight Dot scares me so dot
l can't sleep nights"
"You lost your fifty7"
"Of course. | lose on more ash
ten men, but vhas 1 to blame Vhas
1 some greenhorns to bet? Here
come a man who says dot Gov. Burt
vhas shust 80 sure as next winter und
he likes to gif me pointer. Next
comes a man who says he Will bet
his lung dot Luce runs vhay ahead,
und he likes to gif me a chance to
scoop der boys. How vhas l to tell ?"
"You can't"
"Und so lose more ash two hoon-
cred dollars und vhas all broke up"
YOU'D better let politics alone af.
ter this"
Sergeant, see me in der left eye
If / haf some more to do nit politics
in dis country | like to be sent to der
crazy house Next time l don't vote
for nopody, und if somepody comes
to gif me some pointers ! break him
in two so queek he can't holler! /
vhas all mixed oop. Eaferypody vas
elected-eaferyp dy runs way ahead
-eaferypody vhas sure, und nopody
comes out like he expects--nopody
but me, und | vhas vegetables p
Free Press.