New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-01-15
SAPHIR'S JOKES.
OLD UUMOR AND NEW.


Translated from the German bp J. NJ Pereuat.
Many are the witty sayings of Moritz Gottleb
Saphir, Austrian journalist, and some retain
large share OF their raciness when transferred 10
another tongue. Tho following anecdotes are culea
from little volume, In its third edition. entitled
"Saphirana":
"My works will be read when tho writings of Goethe
and Schiller arc forgotten remarked arrogant, but
by no able author. Undoubtedly, put ho'
BEFORE" rctorted Saphr.
Tho humorlst spent timo in the capital OF
very small prncipality One day he CHANGED to make
an extremely witty remark which was received with
so much disapproval that the Prince instantly COM
manded that Saphlr should quit the country In three
days" The latter requested an audience with the
royal personage and said If your Hlgbness will
stSp ont an vonr balcony you viii SEQ mo step
the frontiers Of the country at once.'
One evening at ball, being asked the name Of
lady who was very deeply rouged, he answered; i
have no knowledge of paintings"
An Australian prince, who was also an arch
bishop sworc horribly at banquet and, perceiving
that Saphr looked at him in surprise, angry asked
the cause of his astonlshmont al thought an arch
bishop would not allow himself to swear answered
the wit. 81 was not swearing as an archbishop put
prince explained the prelate Aho said Saph
houghtully, but suppose the dey ieIches the prince
what will become OF the archbishop"
One evening in a largo company argument arose
as to whether woman was tho superior being,
and saphir, always champion Of the fair sex, took
sides with the ladies declaring them the crown of ere,
alton Then why did God form man first p asked
shrewd Russian N"Iecause the first attempt Is gem
orally failure" rotorted Saphir.
On being asked TO give universal distinction be-
tween the rich and tho poor the humorist said: II
there nothing else to separate the rich and The
poor, hunger would draw dividing line The former
rejoice when they have an appetite tho latter grieve
over It,"
Requested to define the word dentist saphir
said: "Ho Is a man who pulls out other peoples
teeth to get something for his own to bite"
"What is the greatest miracle In the Blblef"
saphir asked young lady at a party. without
giving her time to reply, forward coxcomb an
swcrcd That Elias was not burned when he went to
That Baaam's ass spoke before 1t was questioned"
During a conversation upon the constant In
crease OF immortality, lady remarked that Sho won
dered God did not send second deluge Because
the first did not avail" replied Saphir.
A narrow minded man was Dragging that he weighed
only three pounds less than Alexander Humboldt
That may be So" observed Saphr, but those three
pounds were taken from his brain"
"I was born on tho very day that Goethe dled,'
said a coneeted author Both events were mis-
fortune to German literature" commented saphr.
gourmand wondered that his beard began to turn
gray before his hair. Z" That is easily explained"
said saphlr. "You use your jaws so much more than
your head"
friend wondered how 1t happened that so many
respectablc people did not returned borrowed books
saphir said: "Becauso II Is easier TO retain tho
volumes themselves than their contents"
Viennese parveDue sarcastcaly asked how 1t
happened that learned were often seen at the
houses of rich and the rich rarely in tho homes
of the learnedl saphlr quickly retorted: because
scholars know the value of wealth. but tho rich are
rarely aware OF the worth Of learning"
III won't mako way for a foolp cried an envlous
scrlbbler, on meeting saphir in a narrow passage,
where at first neither seemed disposed to give place
"Ohp Will with pleasure, replied Saphir' Stepping
aside and bowling courteously
A lady having expressed surprise that Dr. X should
pronounce all his patients, those who merely had
fcvorsh colds, seriously Ill, saphir said He Is quite
right anybody whom he attends Is really In danger
ssphlr was presented At ball to
An extremely naughty lady OF rank.
who remarked with patronizins smiie Il
believe, sir, / have already fesn you sonsw 1ere''
very possibly no replicd' II o'on w 'h'i0'
An author sent saphir q tragedy and comedy, with
tho request that no would give his opinion Oh thc
He returned them with tho following message u
have read both your works With much pleasure and
only regret that you did not INFORM mo winch was
the comedy and which the tragedy
Standing In q crowded theatre some ono loaned on
his back tbrustins his head his shoulder. saphr
drew out his handkerchief and wiped the mans nose
violently Tho latter started hack sob. beg your
pardon.' said sapLir, q thought It was mine.'
At largo oyster supper epicnre remarked Il
boast, Iike Samson, Of having destroyed, II not