Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1888-11-01
AN ARIZONA sANITARluM.
Adventures of o Clergyman In . South
western Health Resort.

Adventures OF . Clergyman In SOUTH
western Health Resort.
Some of the property owners OF q
town in Arizona have been flooding
the country with enticing circulars
describing the place to be a perfect
sanitarium. The circular also main
tains that the state of society Is cult
ured and refined. ETC., etc. Quite q
number of people, mostly invalids
from the North, have visited the place,
and one of them who has returned
alive, furnishes the basis of the fol-
lowing sketch:
The visitor, Rev. /. III. Hutchinson.
is somewhat of an invalid, rather
timid, and much in need of rest and
quiet. The day after his arrival at
Dookville, that being the name of the
place, he had a conversation with the
landlord of the hotel.
swell. stranger, how do you Like
our beautiful bracin' climatep"
81 find it intensely hot"
..Hot! Why, the thermometer is
away down to hundred. reckon
the reason you feel the heat SO is be-
cause you don't try any Of my beer on
ice. 1t only costs fifty cents bottle"
II never drink" replied Mr.. Hutchi-
son; '.but tell me, do you have as much
dust all the year aroundP"
why, man alive, you don't call this
dusty, do your If you feel the dust it
is because you don't battle often
enough. It will only cost you dollar
a bath, you to pay extra for the towels,
of course"
What l need most is quiet. ] came
here to avoid all excitement. Good
gracious! what is thatp"
'sThe boys at the saloon across the
street are having little fun. You
had better come away from the win.
dow or som of them may shoot at
you.''
..My heart palpitates fearfully."
.sI'll tell you what you want. You
need good reliable pistol. I've got q
self-cocker I'll sell you for twenty dol.
lars-dirt cheap"
mo, / thank YOU"
''It's all over now. see them car.
rying two dead men into the drug
store. We will have funerals to-mor-
row. We don't often have funerals at
this season. 1t helps spread the small
pox."
.sSmall-poxl'
Eyes, we have it every summer, but
don't let that scare you. I can sell
you bottle of medicine for q dollar
and half that will make the small
pox run from YOU"
81 am afraid I shall not like this
climate"
You will get used to the climate.
but I hope you haven't got any thing tc
say against the people"
20, no; that was very pleasant
gentleman to whom you introduced me
last night
Like him, do you?'
Eyes, he was very polite. He said
he was going to take me out riding
some day.
las you say, he is gentleman. ne
is the leading undertaken. ! reckon
he ships more bodies North on ice than
all the rest of the undertakers in town,
and his charges are quite low de Is
my brother-in-law."
II Think said Mr.. Hutchinson.
YEARLY, ..that will have to leave for
the North tomorrow ! expect ! had
better retire for the night. Will you
have the porter awaken me at an early
hour?"
Certainly. We always charge fifty
cents extra for that! Goodnight. BY
the way. If centipede or tarantula
should crawl into bed with you and
bite you. wake me up by pounding on
the ceiling. I've got remedy for
only seventy-five cents a bottle that
will cure you up in fine style. Good
night, stranger. Pleasant dreams TO
you. ~ TEXAS Siftings.