The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-05-16
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A pair of slippers-Two eels.
The purchase of drama is mere buy
play.
Is it necessary to chop down tree be-
fore chopping it up2
How to make a Maltese crosby
stepping on his tail.
Applause at the opera is cheap-to be
obtained for a song.
If "a girl were to swear at al she would
probably swear "By Gum"
One of the bright spots in existence is
spot cash. --Neu HaeeR Net1s.
Where there's will there's way9
Yes, way to break it.-Ne,c York
Herald,
OF "pictures in the fire. the poets tell;
we only see them when the CRATE draws
well.-Judge.
When poor girl marries a rich gull
does she call him by the pet name of
"BirdieN eN-BoStOn Corner.
The man in the moon has one advant-
age over his terrestrial brothers: The
fuller he gets the more brilliant he
gets. Life.
Darwin would have said that man had
assembled rather than descended from the
ape had he not recognized the superiority
of the latter in not talking. .-Nc1o YOrb
Sun.
Barber TO customer)-"Have you
heard of the bad scrape young Brown
has got lntoN Customer-"Why, no;
when did you shave him lastl''-1R
Ei och.
A certain fat man within ten miles of
Burlington has very thin wife, The
boys have nicknamed them "enough"
and ''too spare. re."-Barliag'on Free
Press.
Never judge by appearances. A shabby
coat may cor tain an editor, while man
wearing a high-toned plug hat and sup
porting dude cane may be delinquent
subscriber
Madam ~ said the tramp, '1'm hun
gry enough to eat raw dog 'Wen,"
She responded, kindly suiting the action
to The word, "I'll whistle some up for
you" The tramp left --NeW Yo,k Netos.
Miss Wabash-"Didn't Mr.. Waldo
say to you as | entered the parlor last
night, Clara: Is that the beautiful Miss
Wabash!'" Clara-"Yes, dear, with
the accent on the that. "-Scribaer's
Nagasiae.
"Sir,n said the Judge, 81 commit you
to Jail for ten days for contempt of
court" "Better make it ten years,
Judge" was the response. al couldn't
begin to get over my contempt in less
than that. IN 40 York Sun.
Teacher grammar class)-"Tommy,
you may parse college Tommy
Comm noun, third pers'n, feminine
gend-" Teacher-"Feminine gen
der" Tommy-"Yes'm; I'm parsin'
Vassar College. "--Neio York Sun.
A Pennsylvania man who went to Ne
braska, wrote back so friend as fol-
lows: "Jlfer a premium at your county
fair next fa'l for the biggest fool in the
county, and will try to be there lie
doesn't fancy Billiards. Chicag0 Herald.
Together they dined and he bored her with
sighs
With Gashful advances aud dull, sheepish
They dinsd upon quail, and she swears by
the moon
She'll not dine again upon quail with
Judge.
"Now | know where VIC are, - said a
IuSllt Nbuills WIN ndAA bANi NAEAHAh 40
act as guide by an Austin sportsman, as
they plodded with difficulty through
deep swamp. "Wel, where are wee"
asked the sportsman. "We are begged.
Tile C0i0ha.
A thief was about to relieve Wall
street operator of his handkerchief when
a bystandcr called the latters attention
to what was going on. LET him alone. "
said the broker. good -humoredly: 1--WE
all have TO begin IN Il small way down
here. '-Jpdge.
Bronson Aleott was a vegetarian, and
often criticised meat caters harshly. To
one of them he declared one day that the
eater of mutton becomes sheep, the eater
Of pork becomes hog, etc. ''And it is
also true, ~ intcIposed the other, 'that
eaters of vegetables become small pota-
toes. --Dety0H Free PT3ss.
Somebody sent the following conun
drum to a Dakota paper "What makes
mans trowsers bag at the kneesP The
editor replied that he thought wearing
them did, but he wouldn't be sure, as he
had sent his encyclopedia down to the
blacksmith's to have a new cast iron
binding put on it. ~ Commercial Adger-
tissr.