Western Kansas world., 1888-10-06
WITH FUNNY MEN.

TIE cream of society-ice cream
Edu Ricer Adcd7scc
MANY persons keep revolvers under
their pillows to bring their enemies
down.-Neac Hauen Ners.
To TIE young man who has been too
fas. there viii come a time when he
mus. vai*-feaO Orleans Picayas7ae.
KIND old gent-Well, Johnnie, what
are you going to be when you grow up
to be man?" Johnnie (sagaciously)
A man, Of course Wdshington
Critic.
TRAMP-Tou wouldn't think madam,
that not so very long ago I was at the
top. Woman-Well, I dunno, I s'ppose
they put you in one of the upper tiers.
-Ne,c TorE Sun.
@THE modern theater is great place
to go for the cure of near-sshtedness.
Don't you think so, my friend ?" "How
do yon explain it, sir q "Why it makes
one farce-sighted, doesn't it?"-Ton-
Eer's Gazette.
AUNT Emily-Why do you think you
viii be a doctor. Bobby, when you grow
up? Bobby-Because I swallowed a
10-cent piece the other day and the doc
tor charged pa s. for curing me. That's
. good business.
SUNDAY SCHOOL Teacher-"Tomm
In what way do men often violate the
commandment, Thou shalt not steal q"
Tommy-"Ask johnny Lightweight
that question. His pa keeps a coal
yard. He ought to know -Teras
SiJtiags.
OLD lady-Do ye realize, young
CONAN, thet youth and an beauty fade,
an thet all on Us must eyentooally enter
onto the scar an yeller leaf O. life?
Young woman-Non, madame; I am ze
coryphee in ze grand ballet.-Ne,v
York Sun.
POLITICAL candidate (to editor whom
he Is anxious 10 plcasel-I say, Shears.
I've noticed wonderful improvement
in your paper during the past four
weeks. Editor-Is that so? I've Just
got back from a months vacation, and
I'm glad to know it.-Epoch.
A New JERSEY man SAYS lie remem-
bers when the mosquitoes of that
favored State were capable of killing a
horse. The above is rot introduced to
indicate the degeneracy of the Jersey
mosquito. but TO show the extreme
hardihood of the Jersey liar
Boston Budget.
Il HEAR" said Mr.. Glummer, "that
young Giddy has gone to the lunatio
asylum" "So?" answered his partner;
@buGness troubles?" No; loneliness.
He married girl with mission about
a year ago and has seen her only twice
since, and both times at beard meet
ings. ."-Burde:te.
aNo, Mr.. SMITH," she sad gently,
but firmly, i can never be- your wife"
Then he struggled to his feet and said
in broken tones: "Are all my hopes to
be thus dashed to pieces? Am I never
to be known as the husband of the
beautiful Mrs. Smith," This was too
much for the girl, and she succumbed.
-Harper's Bazar.
IL the Pa-lor: Wiggles-Arabella,
darling, may I kiss you? Arabella-
ACS, omCCtCSt, UAt h4S-> AiS OA t4SS Ac3s
cheek, please. Wiggles doing soy
And may I ask, dearest, why the left
cheek? Little brother (poking his head
through the door9-Because Jack Wag-
giles has been kissing her right cheek all
the afternoon, and it's tired The en-
gagement is not yet announced.-To,cn
Topics.
THIS exciting scene is laid in Ken
tueky: He carefully drew his trousers
up until the tops OF lis shoes were v2-
ible and then began an impassioned ap-
peal of love. "Stop right where you
are, SIR" said the beautiful bluegrass
girl, and she rose to her full height
with a queenly gesture; no young man
who is afraid of bsgging his trousers at
the knees can ever hope to win the
daughter of Col. Blood. Phil Halsh,
i7a Nelc York WoTId.
In order to secure case against 3
dentist who was using contrabard
matches, the detective Of a French
match company went to the offender
and had tooth extracted. Then,
taking out cigar, he asked for light.
The dentist handed him a box of
matches, which he at once declared
were contraband. The detective called
to an associate In an adjoining room,
and case was at once made up.
The Longest Word in the Dictionary