Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1888-10-18

specimens Of Stories Now Betm1 Use
10 Make Smiles and VOtes

oenvered an excellent speech before the Morris
Town Cleveland and Thurman Club. To Illustrate
the fallacy OF the republican charge that tho
democrats are free traders, because they want to
reduce the tari, he told the following anecdote Of
| the doctors experience with his patient Uncle
/ Lem Austin:
ABut," the republican orators say, "the demo
cratic policy OF reducing the tariff Is step toward
ne trade; we opposed to free trade, and there
FORE oppose anything that tends In that direction
| This sort OF talk reminds me OF old Uncle Lem
Austin's excuse for declining to reduce the mum.
Der Of drinks he was taking daily.
| Uncle Lem had been a free drinker for long
| time. AT last It began TO tell on him. He became
| sick and sent for the doctor.
| The doctor came, examined him, inquired as to
his symptoms, felt his pulse, looked at his tongue
Having, as supposed, suitably impressed the old
man, he said: ''Uncle Lem, am afraid you are
drinking too much whisky, and 1t is proper that
should sly TO you that your trouble Is caused al
| most solely by the excessive use OF intoxicants"
The old man did not seem TO be at all surprised,
but replied promptly pro ; well, Doc, wouldn't be
| that"
"How much do you drink day, Uncle Lem?n
swell, don't hardly know, Doc replied the
\ old man. "Let me see. take drink afore break
fus' an dinner. and one afore dinner, how many 3
that?r
.F.ve," replied the doctor.
IAN 0ne arter dinner"
San two 'twixt dinner and supper,
eight
San one afore supper"
SHINE"
San one arter supper"
"Au two betwixt supper an bedtime.n
Twelve" said the doctor.
swell, thems about my daily rashins, Doc"
stand IL; 1t will Kill you. Now, suggest that you
curtail The amount. II won't do 10 quit OF en-
tirely; it would PROSTATE you. But you could re-
number drinks SaV q ~ md affar
awhile another reduction. Now, suppose you drop
on the two drinks between breakfast and dinner
and the two between dinner and supper at FIRST
and begin the reformation In that way
Uncle Lem held his head down and reflected
moment; then looking up and fixing his Dleary
.See here, Doc; blame my cats II don't sorty
bleeve you're one o. them prOhibitioners, an I'm
agtn prohibition, tooth and toe-naiL Now tins
here progression o. your'n looks TO me mighty like
step In the direction er prohibition an ain Z
agwiae to take 1t, durn my skin eff do; III die
APPROPRIATION STORY
From the New York Press
Robert E. Frazer, the Michigan speaker, who is
stamping vigorously for the republican ticket, is
one OF the wttest Of Irish orators In the country
He bubbles over with stories Here is one
he is credited with having told the other
night while advocating high license. He said
that good many years ago there was a prosper
rode up on horseback 10 his door and asked him
II ne had any whisky. The farmer brought Jug
anu poured out good drink,
"What'S that?' asked the rider, as he took the
glass In his hand anu pointed toward an immense
neld covered with mint.
sits mint" said the farmer.
"Give US a little OF IL, said the guest
The farmer brought 1t and the man put It into
the whisky and mashed the ends with the butt
sighed regretfully when the last drop was gone
liver Try that?" he asked the farmer.
'Get some more mint and III make YOU one.r
Inc drink was made and the farmer swallowed
II. lie rolled up his eyes as IL went down and
signed when there was no more in the glass.
The man rode away. Three years later he Wis
TIED the spot again. He remembered 1t, but he
noticed that great change had taken place. The
broken down and the whole place had gone to
rum. A woman came to the door when he hal
loOed.
"Wheres your husband?v asked the man. recall
ing that drink ana wanting another.
dead" sue replied lacOnicaily.
"Well, well,' he said, she didn't look as II he
was going to die What took HIM offqa 49, - NV
The woman looked at hum and said slowly:
There Was a man came along here about three
grass with his whisky. AFTER that he didn't 40
nOthln' else. He jest mixed It all day and night
and when the grass gave out he died.
Presbyserlans and Evolution.
THE ORIGIN OF ADAMS BODY AGAIN MADE AN OPEN
QUESTION.
Columbia, S. c., dispatch says the Southern
Presbyterans have not yet settled the question as
u
bone Of contention in the church for the past i've
years, and which was thought TO have been settled
by the expulsion by the synod OF Georgia OF the
Rev. James woodrow, ID. d. from the chair of
natural science In the Columbia Theological SEM.
nary because he believed that the ny pOthesls Of
evolution was probably true. The Charleston
Pre>Dytery, at It's annual meeting last week,
adopted by close vote and after q heated debate
resolution Judicially affirming the decision Of
the synod OF Georgia, and rOrbioding public con.
tentlon against the decision OF the assembly. The
minority entered protest declaring the resolution
unlawful and unwarranted, because 1t is an at
tempt TO practically seal the lips OF every one un-
de: the jurisdiction OF the presbytery. An appeal
was taken 10 the state synod, which is now In an
nual session at Greenwood. The case came I'D In
the synod Tuesday, when the action was con.
demned as unconstitutional, irregular and un-
wise, because II Is trespass upon the sacred and
1nalienable right OF private judgment, and upon
the right or freedom In the expression OF opinion.
IL was also declared that this action assumes the
infall0illty OF the general assembly In Its deliv-
erences OF judicial DECISIONS which is a doctrine
foreign 10 the constt, uton and spirit OF Presby.
terlanism. The synod directed the Presbytery OF
Charleston 10 convene as soon as practicable and
review anu correct these proceedings There was
long and animated discussion, but the action
was taken by O vote OF sc To 81
A WOman's Unnatural Crime.