Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1888-09-23

in daring paper published in the West
minister Repietc Below are given certain
pertinent experiences and ideas on the sub
ject contributed to the columns of the
London Daily Telegram by many women oil
various classes. Writes the first:
| lam certain that money, or, rather the
want OF il, is at the root of most failures IN
marriage. We have everything to make
us happy but that, and can assure you 1t
is an evil of no mean growth or limited IN
huence. My husband is soldier. and
one of the best and truest gentlemen on
Gods earth. I, his wife, an in many
ways a very good one, for combine in
tenee economy with really good appear
ances las far as they go), and work very
hard, and yet hold my own among the $50
ciety" people to which We belong. But,
oh! il you had any idea of the drive" that
it is to do this, The struggle, feel, is
spelling me. / am 80 cantankerous at
home, so full of cares, so impatient and
snappish, SO snnoyed at the smallest waste
of money, that am, ] know it, often I'M.
besrable to my good man. He would Of
ten settle the question, feel, and let me
live alone if we didn't love each other and
the child 80 dearly. o..
am sure began with every intention
of making model wife. had high no.
tions of devotion and sslf-sscrifice, which
the circumstances of our lives gave me
ample opportunity of acting upon, but l
soon discovered that the reciprocity, like
the Irishman's, was all on one side.
The conclusions draw from my varied
experiences are these: l. Mere passion, in
terest, or affection is not likely to produce
great happiness in marriage. 2. The mys'
tsrious and inexplicable mixture Of passion
and affection commonly called love"
should be felt by both parties to the solemn
contract. And 3, when entered into solely
from the head" and not from the
'sheart, d" marriage is indeed dreary fail
ure.
7 have been married for more than
twenty years, and can truly say that 1t
has been the happiest part Of my life. My
husband, like many other Americans, does
not outgrow the little thoughtful atten-
lions that he paid me before our marriage.
There are so many little things which go
long way towards making womsns
life happy; they coat nothing, and yet
they make such q difference. For exam
pie, the morning and evening kiss; the
word Of praise, OF sympathy, or of appre-
citation; the tap at the chamber door before
entering; the helping hand in getting in or
ont of carriage, omnibus or train-thsse
things are accepted as matter OF couree
by thousands of American wives; snd 1t
ia only when they go abroad that they are
struck with the contrast, especially on the
Continent, where they hear on all sides:
"How the Americans do spoil their
wives"
Much evil results from the idea that
marriage is the end and aim of w0man's
life Full of this superstition, aud desper-
ately afraid, in this age OF female prepon-
derance; of being left, to the scorn OF vlcto-
rious matrons, an "old msid,"a girl will
accept man without the slightest thought
as to suitability of temperament, nay, will
sometimes accept man she positively dis
likes. There are women whose tastes and
temperaments totally unfit them for find
ing pleasure in wifely and maternal duties,
and, if urged into matrimony by the force
of public opinion decreasing marriage to be
the only happiness for womanhood, they
can not fail TO be unhappy.
The increased uneasiness in the married
relation as compared with former ages is
probably due to the more accurate eouca-
ton of women, by which, while their phys
;cal constitution remains as before, they
are rendered no less capable than men, and
no less worthy intellectually of determin-
ing in all respects the government of the
family life. Our increased SUFFICIENTLY,
too, or refinement, or cultivation OF the
sensibilities through the more emotional
quality of our employments, may have
something to do with the unhappy place
which many a wife and many husband
find their home to be. But in any case
there are multitudes doubtless Of
married complies whose life is made
intolerable through a sense OF
unjust suspicion on the part Of the man OF
woman, or through feeling of misappre'
cistion, and still more frequently perhaps
through the disgust and even losthing that
comes when one of the parties has been
discovered by the other to be thoroughly
contemplate, and must nevertheless be
lived with, for the children's sake, TO the
end. The popular remedy, SO far, has
been, and probably will long continue to
be, "patience;" and it is quite true that
even married unhsppiness may be used,
by exceptionally great natures, to the
benefit of character.
We men are easily led, and vice and
loving woman can manage us without the
slightest difficulty. Bat once attempt to
drive us, and the game is up. Our sus-
picions and tempers are reused, and we as
sert our position and authority; and unless
the wife ceases. the driving" and the
"ruling" process the peace of the house.
hold is at end.
1: is natural that q girl should wish to
appear at her best before q man whom she
loves. 1t is equally natural that man
should be careful to keep his shortcomings
from the girl he is DESTROYS of making his
wife. He is thoughtful for her comfort,
spends ell bis spare time in her company,
will not see that she has any of the faults
his relations point out to him, aud is not
exacting except as regards the amount Of
affection bestowed on himself. The en-
gagged girl is person Of importance, pstted
by her friends and indnlged by her family.
Her plans and wishes often have the first
consideration. Little is required of her and
much is yielded TO her. Finally, after moth
ing but considerations for self, the wedding
day comes, and with it a gradual change in
the order Of things The husband is as
fond of his wife as the lover was Of his be-
trothed, but she is his, and he is no long
or anxious. He has duties and social obi
cations, perhaps rather neglected during
bis oourtship, which must be attended to.
He does not show his affection so much, and
is more exscting; while the wife, hitherto
petted in her own home, and her lovers
one thought, imsgines him changed and in
attentive. No longer seeing him through
rose-colored spectacles, she perceives his
failines and betrsys her own. This be-
ginning, without any serious faults on
either side, ia often quite sufficient to lay
the foundation of thoroughly unhappy
life.
Tho.o :. ~ d;nsc,ltv in married life