Connecticut western news., 1888-07-11
HUMOROUS

rising man-The 0eronaut.
 Down in tho mouth-The tongue.
 From pole to polc-A clothosline.
 A cool deed---Thc titlo to an ico house.
 The cheeky man is one of mctal-- usually brass.
 The right to pay taxes has never been denied woman.
 Thcrc is nothing like good bolt for breaking deadlock.
 The dynamite qua may bo said to have several aims in life.
 A yacht can stand tack without swearing. Fow men can.
 Fly time and tho base ball are very properly contemporaneous.
 Two of a Kind: "What is the plural of childW Boy (promptly)- "Twins."
 It is absurd to speak of tho '.foot. prints of time," whom it is well known that time flies.
 Thc preacher tells you that you should marry for love, and yet he often marries for money.
 Advice to young ladies who are set ting their caps: Uso percussion cap', so that the ''pop" may be hoard. Some deem it quite an honor just to be
 One of the first ssttlers' in the town; Tie best first settler, though, it seems to me, Is he that pays cash down.
 Young Man: twill you give assent to my marriage with your daughter, sir." Old man firmly: ''No, sir, not cent"
 Doctor "Did you take the rhubarb ordereda' Patient-''Yes, sir." Doctor-"How did you take itr Patient" "In pic"
 Teacher: "What advantage had the old Greeks over us, Hansa' Hans (drawing long breath): 'Thcy did not have to learn Creek"
 Teacher-'S Sammy, why do you write your name s. Smith, MarcherG" Why 'cause pa writes his J. Smith, Junior. was born in March,"
 Before you call attention to the fact that pig has no uso for his tail, please remember that you have two buttons on on the lower part of your coat that don't button anything.
 Teacher: ''supposing that eight of you should together have AS apples, 82 peaches, 56 plums and 16 melons, what would each of you have7" Pupils Gin chorus): "Tho stomachacha."
 ':Is that all you can give me ma'am," pleaded the tramp---"a dippcrful of watera' 'Why, no, certainly not" re- piled tho woman with tho big heart; 'you can havo as many dipperfuls as you likc."
 He was mumbling about tough steak and cold coffee, and making himself generally disagrecablc. ''Don't growl so ov,r your breakfast, John," said his wife, "robody is going to take it away from you"
 The Bishop of Lond on has riscn to bo wit. As ho was taking leavo of Q parishioncr with very large family, the lady sail: But you haven't seen my last baby" ''No," he quickly replied. "and mover expect top
 "You women are the greatcstp ex- claimed Fogg. ''You'll tramp all over town just for samples to mako crazy quilt" "Yes," replied Mrs. F., very quietly, land the samples the men gather through tho day mako Q crazy head"
 Physician (aftcr consultation)-'1 congratulate you sincerely" Patient (smiing ng)-"AmI rccovering9" Physi- cian-s'Not exactly that; but on con- sultation we find that our case is en- tircly unique, and we have decided to give your name to the disease, if our diagnosis is confirmed at the autopsy"
 Fcatherly (making calD: 'I sup pose you will soon be going into the country Mrs. Hendricks7" Mrs. Hem dricks: "Yes, we leave for the Cats kills next week. Mir. Hendricks will come up once month for day or so." Feathcrly: "Yes, heard him say he was looking forward to pleasant sum.