Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-08-02
HACKENSACK'S HOTEL.

HACK ENSAChS HOTEL.
When Hiram Hackensack arrived in
Oak City, a very new "city" in Nebraska,
his financial condition seemed in no re-
spect an enyiable one.
In the first place mis- total available
capital consisted of exactly sixty-three
cents IN cash, which jingled conspicuous
ly in his capaci0Es pockets whenever his
hand happened TO be at liberty, and four
trunks containing personal property OF
questionable value. Then he had fami
~ to support, consisting OF blooming
Mrs. Hackensack and five young Hacken-
sacks In various stages of childhood up to
Ii years, all OF whom possessed appetites
IN first class order.
The morning was a cold one, and Mr..
Hackensack had some difficulty in finding
accommodations for his family within
the city limits, not that the Inhabitants
were SO numerous, but the houses were SO
few. There was no hotek at Oak City, and
the lady proprietor of the railroad board
ing house at first refused to take in the
Hackensacks, even for q day, without
payment II advance. The sight OF four
ample trunks, however, finally overcame
her caution, and the family were allowed
to install themselves in a scantily furnish
ed back room on the second floor of her
establishment.
In a very short time Mr.. Hackensack,
WhistIng cheerily, was seen on his way
around town carrying q supply of small
bills, hammer aud tacks, for the purpose
Of posting Ill every available place the
startling announcement that the "Cele-
brated and Only North and South Ameri-
can Speciality and Novelty Consolidation"
would give one of their "re6ned, chaste
and incomparatively grand entertain
ments" at the city hall oa that evening.
"Now," said Mr.. Hackensaok, conf
IDENTIFY to his wife, Il think this town Is
good for $50 tonight, and that will tske
us to the next stand in fine shape"
"Bu5 suppose we don't draw here" sug-
gested Mrs. Hackensack sitting forIornIy
on her trunk.
Draw" echoed the head of the family.
eve shall draw. The whole town is
aroused. They are suffering here for
amusement. There hasn't been q show
of any kind since the circus last summer.
The house will be packed; take my word
for it.
The house however was not packed.
The consolidation, consisting wholly
of the Hackensack family, including the
Infant Prodigy" played to, in theatrical
parIance, the sum of $3.50. The rent of
the hall was S., which the cautious owner
deducted from the receipts, 81, at time,
as the people came in; the local musician,
who officiated at the piano, claimed 81,
but finally compromised on receipt of
fifty cents; the drayman VINO hauled the
baggage from the station charged like
sum, but was also forced to accept half
dollar. The proprietor of the ''consoiida-
ton" returned TO the boarding house
with the remainder of the receipts rat
thing dismally in mis- trousers pocket.
The HackensacKs, hOWever, slept as
soundly as usual, being people of 4
phiIosophic turn of mind. The follow
ing morning Mr.. Hackensack rendered
his IandIady with 81 in small change.
Owing to unfoIseen circumstances" he
remarked, politely" l am unable to
liquidate the remaining twO.thirds of my
account at the present time"
You mean to Say that you can't pay
me but 81 for al them children has et?"
cried the indignant widow. well, not
one of them four trunks goes Ou5 of this
house today"
That Is very proper thing to say,
madam" replied Mr.. Hackensack, serene
". "There is really no reason why the
-
trunks need not go till we do"
The landlady was for moment speech
less with astonlshment. When sufficient
" recovered she sarcastically inquired
how long he ex pected to stay at her first
class boarding house.
'Most unfortunately, madam, the time
of my departure is exceedingly uncertain,
like everything else in this uncertain
world" began her guest, amiably, and
then he proceeded to eXpatiate upon the
visissitudes and misfortunes of public
career, and ended by mplimenting her
remarkable talent in the line of cookery,
and assuring her that it would all be paid
for, take his word for it.
IN lieu of anything more tangible the
widow took his word for 1t, for the time.
Mr.. Backensack spent the day in gather
ing up all the bills he had posted, and
which bad not been damaged too much
fer future use. In the evening he was
met by his eldest son, capable youth of
Il, who seemed in state 9f unusual ex
element.
Spa" he said, 'the old woman is max
ing an awful fuss about US staying here
Son. said Mr.. Hack ensack, severely
didn't you have your supper last night?
Eyes, pa" he admitted.
"And a bed to sleep INF"
Eyes, pa"
''And your three meals today?"
'Yes, pa"
swell, then, my son, what are yoI
kicking about?"
That member of the consolidation" hai
no more to say on the subject.
Several eventful days passed, then thu
worthy Mrs. Miners opportunities coult
no longer be disregarded.
''The bill will be paid, madam, take m
word for it?n reiterated Mr.. Hackensack
impressively.
But the landlady was opposed to tax
ing his word for it, and at the end Of tn
week she complained to her cousin, tn
justice of the peace, who consulted wit
his friend the attorney, and togethe
these two dignities called on the undesll
able guest and intimated that his cor
duct was not exactly in accordance wit
the laws of Nebraska.
''You are putting Mrs. Mincer to
great deal of expense" added the justic
of the peace.
Her expense, my dear sir. is nothin
compared to my loss," declared Mr.. Hacl
ensack very seriously. 81 am losing 81