Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-04-18
Cant Fool the Hotel Clerk" {"

|
is fraud. That man is travelling in
cog, and there is something crooked
about him.
"Why do l think sol Why, i al
most know tin fact. / do know it
intuitively. 1t is my business to be-
come familiar with names, and the de-
riviation of them. Now, there is no
such name as Gurlproat. 1t is ma
chine name manufactured for an
emergency, something like the char
acters in Dickens novels-the We
neerings, Podsnaps, Weggs, Dorritts,
Jaggers, Nicklebys and Chuzzlewits.
l am obliged, you know, to be sharp
in my business. tell you he is fly
fakir from Flytown. He is queer,
and you can bet high on that.
"Now, there is man." continued
the hotel clerk, pointing to another
square-toed specimen of caligraphy,
"that man Jones, there, A. @. Jones,
he's all o. X. There is no subterfuge
about him. He comes in and planks
down his gripsack, deposits roll of
bills in the safe, calls for a stylus, in
dorses the register, and there you have
it straight and fat footed. A. Q.
Jones, $4,000 in his roll in the safe.
He is man who will do to tie up to-.
We have to be good judges Of human
nature in this business, l tell you, and
are obliged to be tetotally and strict
ly sharp. But Jones is solid with this
house. He has been here a week
now, and have advanced him $3.50
or 5000 on his roll"
"Are you sure the roll contains
money!" inquired the reporter.
Sure Why, it is an express pack
age, sealed, and the amount marked
on the corner. Guests often leave
them with us for security"
81 should like to know it was all
right before l loaned money on it,"
pursued the reporter.
"That's where you would fool your
self. That's where you would insult
guests and drive trade away. But"
the sharp clerk spoke little uneasily,
Gust to show you what square man
Jones is, I'll send up his BILL" and
the clerk proceeded to sound loud
timbrel which summoned bell boy.
"Here, run up to 5S with this"
said the clerk.
While the bell boy was on his mis-
sion the suspicious Gurlproat came
up to the office to settle his bill.
"That's him-Gurlproat," said the
clerk, forming the words with his
mouth without uttering sound /;
eight dollars and quarter-two
days and half"
"Hey ?" said the despised Curl
proat.
1.-TWO days and half-eight and "A
quarter" replied the clerk, winking at
the reporter.
Eight dollars"
Eight {"
"And quarter"
"All right--correct," and Mr..
Gurlproat rendered SO bill. The
sharp clerk spent five minutes critic.
ally examining and testing the same.
While doing so the suspected guest
observed
"If Col. Jas. Gurlproat, of Mont
gomery, Ala, calls for me, please tell
him that | have gone to Washington"
The hotel clerk looked up sudden
ly, and his face was like circus post
er gilded by the rays of sunset.
"Are you Congressman Gurlproat,
Of Alabama ?" he inquired.
"Hey 2"
"Are you Congressman Gurlproat,
of Alabamal"
"No, l am his brother. am Judge
Gurlproat, formerly of the Supreme
Benck."
He had his change, and in another
instant the porter was obsequeously
escorting him out to carriage.
why" exclaimed the clerk, cts
singular how happened to forget
that Gurlproat family of Montgom-
cry. 1t just beats all. Funny, isn't
it, when you miss a mans name ?"
The bell boy returned at this inter-
esting juncture of the proceedings
with the startling information that A.
Q. Jones had skipped, bag and bag
gage, hook, line and sinker, foot, horse
and dragons. The clerk turned
white, and his finger shook like
splinter on rail in the wind, as he
suddenly went down into the safe aft
er the express package. He fshed it
up, tore off the end and proceeded to
shake out-a generous wad of news
paper clippings, some of it gems of
poetry, the balance choice extracts
from the humorous papers and med
ical reading notices. Chicago Herald
He Was the Boss Liar.
Lawyer A. j. Prime said to knot