The Portland daily press., 1888-10-23
WIT AND WISDOM.


Young Mr.. Banks weighs trifie over two hun
bred pounds, and is somewhat sensitive about it.
he was calling on Jersey City girl, the other
evening, when she said, naively: "Oh MIR. Banks,
would you just leave sit in this easychair as in
that rocker?"
Certainly certainly replied Banks, calamity,
as he changed from one chair to the other
"oh, thanks, thanks" she murmured, ''you are
very kind. i have an atlas full Of such lovely
ferns under the cushion OF that easy-chair, and
"Good night" said Banks. stlfiy, as he walked
away-neyer, never to return.
w. Edwin Chipchase, FOG s. Charles ST., BALTIC.
Nd, writes :-"For cure of sprans and infamma-
tons regard Salvation OIL as a sure cure"
Use DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup, and do not disturb
the preacher and congregation with your cough.
Isaacson-"You complain because dhose pants
hat shrunk a leedle?'
Bowwowy-"A little? De tings are like tights,
surei"
Isaacson-"Yy, dot was dc peauty of my clio h.
ings; dey vas loose and easy in de summer but
obey grow closer und comfortable when de cold
vedder comes on. Aind you got any style apoud
You anyyay2
When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria,
When she was Child she cried for Castoria,
When she became Miss. she chung to castoria,
When she had Children, she gave them castoria,
A Scot, being shown Niagara, was asked If he
had ever seen aught so beautiful and strange.
He replied ''Weel, for bonny, I'll no say, but,
ell mon, for queer, / ance saw peacock VII a
wooden leg at PEBBLES"
YES, Vanilla is expensive, and when one buys
an Extract at low price, do not be disappointed
II it is poor or disagreeable in favor. For abso-
lutte purity, we recommend Burnetts Extract of
Vanilla.
Have you paid any attention to the contro-
versy about marriage as a failure?"
Eyes, considerable. But marriage is a sue
''What makes you think sop
my wife's late uncle left her $4,000"
The action Of Carter's Little Liver Pills is
pleasant, mild and natural. They gently stimu-
the liver and regulate theabowels, but do not
purge. They are sure to please. Try them.
City Editor You say this man was blown up by
can of nitro-glycerine. but you don't state
whether he is dead or alive.
New Reporter-I waited around there four or
nye hours, but couldn't learn it.
City Editor-Why couldn't you learn it?
New Reporter-Because he hadn't come down
yet when left.
tsuffered from very severe cold in my
head for months and used everything recon-
mended but could get no relief. Was advised to
use Ely's Cream Balm. 1t has worked like
magic in its cure. l am free from my cold after
using the Balm one week, and / believe 1t the
best remedy known. Feeling grateful for what it
has done for me / send this testimonial. Samuel
]. Harris, wholesale Grocer, 119 Front st, New
York.
Two bottles of Ely's Cream Balm cured the
wife of well known U. s. A. General and also
two army officers in Arizona of Catarrh,
Maud-Are you really engaged to Mr.. Hawkins?
Ethel-Yes. hardly know whether love him
or not, but he was so earnest that somehow
could not refuse him.
Maud-Yes. know. When refused him last
summer he told me he was going to marry some
body or bust before Christmas.
IL theresever was a specific for any
one complaint, then Carriers Little Liver Pills
are specific for sick headache, and every woman
should know this. Only one pill dose. Try
them.
reducin' the weight?
Druggists Boy-Yesm.
Old lady Well i don't know sggsactly how
much ought to cit.
Boy tdiagnosingly) -Better take all we've got,
ma'am.