Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1888-08-18
THE MASCULINE BAROMETER.


Fails In the Heart Of Man.
At 5-rhinks girls awfully stoopid
AT 16-Fascinated by the fat woman who walk
| the circus tight-rope
| Asff-feeis wild thrills In the thoracic region
the lncipient palpltations Of calf-love.
| AsIS-Devotes two hours daily TO the development
| Of down and the suppression OF involuntary
blushes
Al 1s-Adorns his sanctum sanctorum with SACRED
symbols Of virtu, e. g., portraits Of the Little
Sisters OF the Ballet meerschaum holders
razors mirrors, padded gloves. and samples
Elixir Vita.
Az So-Condescends to force Irritation with his
pretty Cousin, WHO'S in love with his absent
brother; investsin bull-pup, and vies with
Aszl-Ceieoratesh his attainment Of mannikinho0d
Pc one.ing his hand 70 captivating mil.
4Uard III sS and =, spppes 70 the advance
At22-Tumbles headlong into molten love with
Sne Understanding daughter Of the
At 24-After placing her In convent for educa-
lion At his expense, he tmmerses himself
IN the study OF theology and neology, and
comes out on the windy side.
Az %8-Resolves to nberate his novice, and
q, coscn 70 the practical inconvenience:
writ for breach Of promise.
AtXT-Mortined at the simultaneous rejection OF
his serious proposal by the weli-dowered
he thought was his heart, he rettres to
Paris for meditation and s0lace.
AZ 2S-Returns to his brethren and their old-time
mases and
the neeres and files Of the Grand Matrt
At oo-Wonders whether womanly charms ought
not after all, TO be estimated by avolrdu.
terest in a massive and 6e-doilared widow
who owns the Hotel Gree around the
corner.
At aa-More firmly convinced than ever that wo.
men only marry for interest and then 1irt
At sA-wearied with the Internal monotony Of
town life, betakes himself to the solitude
Of remote village, and falls terribly in
love with a rustic damsel OF 16.
AsS6-Decides 70 withdraw from gIddy and hol.
OF female penitentiary.
AT 6-Travel being recommended for his health
Ss council o. at, maiden LEI snnIs from whom 3
In Utah for practical study OF the Nor
mon restoration OF certain Mosaic ordi.
At 3S-Flnding the climate enervating, he quar-.
tiers himself on his aforesaid relatives for
a. recuperation and consultation.
Az 30-ls smitten by trim little widow who Is q
visitor at the house.
At 4O-Discovers that she, like himself, had long
since sunk Cupid In cupidity.
At 41-Settles in Wall street as cure for the one
and a tonic for the other.
At 42-Is haunted still by both united In the form
VI . CuSVOmcT III pcttiCOdJSs
Az 44-BelleveS he has discovered the golden mean
OF so-called bliss in his position as proxy for
q fair SPECTATOR.
AZ 46-Gouty and nervous symptoms appear.
AT 4S-Heroically resolves to explore new side Of
life, so invests In q church pew.
AT 5O-Settles down in q coy cottage 1ve miles
from town, surrounded by books bottles,
pipes, dogs and physic phials.
AZ 62-Feels growing nervous dread at his lone
illness and helplessness II attacked, so en-
cages nice, cheerful, middle-aged widow
as hOuSekeeper.
At 66-Charmed with her prudence, delighted at
the impression she makes upon his visitors,
he is terribly distressed that family pride
fOrbids the idea OF marriage.
At 56-Worried to death between his sense OF obli-
cation to her for magnetic sympathy in his
increasing gouttness and obesity, and the
dread OF his nephewS' and nieces' disgust.
At 57-Recovers and thinks 1t better to take time
to decide.
At 5s-Relapses and resolves to marry her when
better.
At 59-Rallies and fixes his sixtieth birthday for
the nuptials.
At Coolies on the day from excess Of Joy at hav-
ing made up his MIND and his WILL which
leaves her everything, conditi onally on her
never entering into 1.-The hateful bonds OF
matrimony."