The Arizona champion., 1888-07-14
BITS OF FUN.

| RhtSNI
 Manager. Newspaper. Real price Is SIS week, Player-Ill take it.
 Judge (to prosecuting witness)-- Have you any real cause of com plaint against your husbandi | Wife--Yes, sir. He refuses to buy me a new bonnet, and I have not had silk dress for over two years.
 Judge--But I thought he came home drunk and beat you over the head with a chair3
 Wife We'll, he did; but wouldn't count that if could gel the dress and bonnet. L/Cap,ain.-What made you drop that pop fya It was an awful error.
 Strongton 'oI-Captain, I go, so rattled that I saw six balls.
 Captain (crossly)--I should ot thought you would have caught one of them, at least.
 Bogson (who has illness in s,hi: family)-Please renew this pre- scription.
 Druggist Qoquaciously) y)--You look much better than when you were here last week. sir. l am glad to see that you are improv ing.
 Bogson Ca hale and hearty man Why, this medicine IS for my wife:
 A young married couple from Texas were dolng Niagara Falls. They were being conducted under the falls by guide.
 "You must take care now, for il you let your foot slip, you will bt lost," sad the guide,
 "Jane, you go first" said the l thdil iIolu iCAdS.
 Isreal Jones-Friend Thomas, i: thee agent of the Inscru,able Fire Insurance Company
 Mir. Bluff (busy)-Yes.
 Isreal Jones--I see by the morn ing papers that the company ha: failed.
 MT. Bluff (stilI busy)--All gone to the devil.
 Isreal Jones-Gone to the devil thee says, Friend rhomas9 We'll as thee will probably continue to be the agent of 1t, leave the policies with ,kee. Farewelll
 Base ball enthusiast Gin Phila delphia)--Yes, it was only snaT game played by schoolboys in tho street, you know, but, by inks there were some fine plays there, Some of the little fellows will bt getting sIo,ooo a year if they keep on.
 Omaha man-~In the street 1T Philadelphia
 "Yes; the street was prett, crowded, but the game went along pity vel, though. The wors thing was one of the boys, whilc running bases, bumped up agains an old lady, knocked her down and the fall killed her" "Terriblel"
 "I should say SO. Before th' little fellow could recover himsel and reach the base, he was pu out"
 Ice dealer (to applicantJ-Eyel been in the ice business, boy2
 Boy-No, sir.
 Ice dealer-H m, Know any thing about arithmetics
 Boy-Yes, sir.
 Ice dealer-H-m. What would twenty pounds of ice amount 10 a cent and half a pound,
 Poy-Seventy five cents, sir.
 Ice dealer-H-m. You seem likely lad. guess I'll give you trial.
 Society belle-Mamma, wher shall we igo this sum nerf Can you suggest some place where w have not already spent so man. seasonsS
 Kind mother--It occurs to m, that it would be capital idea, anc know we would be equally bene fitted by quiet sojourn at
 Society belle (interrupting)-- An, where mammal
 Kind mother. Home, my dear
 "Miss Smith, do you know wh' that alnlable looking old lady is with soft gray eyes, and such sweet expfessionl'
 That is mamma.
 ''ls it possible9"
 St, Peter (to head waiter, jus ready to enter pTadise)-~Hold Did you ever wat on anybodyf Head waiter Gin shame and dee conlrition )-Only o-once. wheI all my employees were oa a strike St. P, (scornfully)-You wll , have to go in with the porter wh' said "thank you" for 10 cen fee. We cannot forgive such fla grant violations Of dignity.
 II. W.--Rut l killed the ma the next tsme l met him by cor cenuating my glance and my ala mond on his countonance- St, P,-'Tis we'll, You are fol given. You shall enter with tn ,L.a ... ;Ja,,s ,h-aact xybn npye