Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1888-02-04
A FEW WITTY SAYINGS.
FROM VARIOUS sovRces-Rion q RARE.
DEACON nuRpsTTE,s PHIL osoPnY.
" WAS A COLD pAv.


Great surprise Il caused by tho announce
mcnt that last month man was frozen to
dcaih ncar Austin, Tex. II isn't tho fact Of
thc cold weather that creates tie surprise,
! but rather that the man should havc timc to
freczc 10 .le,.a before he got shot.
THAT WAS SOLVED Ions AGO.
Mr.. Taliafcro, Of Atlanta, Ca, claims that
he has solved tho problem VI perpetual
motion. lIo. ho; tho conceit Of some men.
As though he was tho only man In America
wit, n iO.ycar-old hoy.
coaiSo CLOSER TO HUMANITY.
| This must bc tho missing link. a goat In
berlin has rcd whiskcr4 Now let tho scicn-
fists observe closely 10 SEQ what effect he has
upoa the white horse, and evolution may
stride ahead, not quito q century, perhaps.
but rs much as fifteen minutes
FAST AND SLOW.
All tho trains In the west have fast names
and sio- wires Possibly this makes the
| telegraph SOON slower than IL really is. And
do you know u Is much hartisr 10 walt for .
East train than Il Is for slow ono. Il IL irri-
tating 70 waste ones lifo ut q station and
hear an impatisRt freight conductor extract
information from tho station agent
"Iiow's the Cannon Ballf'
"Four hours late"
SLOWS the Fyorf'
"Thrce hours late out Of Denver"
"IIow's the ThundcrboltF
"Abandoncd.n
"How's the Sleeping Cyabr
"Shes running ON tho Insaildoscent Thun.
dcrbolts time today; went by Cvithout stop
ping, two hours ago."
RuEvMArIc Lf0HTyr:O.
In all the great. throbbing, pulsins, growo
ing, booming west there Is one slow thing
lightning. Ny experience with the telegraph
lines was slow, and, TO mo, very expensive.
About O'Clock ono day, At Topeka, con-
ldcd to tho Santa Fc, Colorow and Solar
System Telegraph company telegram TO
Chicago, one to Parsons. Kan, and ono to
tho Coates house. sixty.six miles away, tell
in. tho landlord to have my rooms ready at
G:.5. Tho telegram reached the Coates after
had eaten and discsted my supper and had
gonc 70 bed The other ono reached Chicago
some tin,o that same night, and I don't know
what became Of tho ono 10 Parsons. And
several other times tried tho telegraph, bus
only 70 bo convinced that could have the
message delivered fcw hours earlier by
sticking q special delivery stamp on It and
takin: IL along with me.
IT WAS voLAPrK TO THE NATIVE
"Taa; foreman o: yours Is queer fellow"
sail 81. Pcnwipcr "Yos," replied the man
ufac:urrr, "hut ho is very bright AMI iHtelli-
gca:. lao is a native, however; was lorn
hero ia .;prt!, Carolina forty-six years n.;o,
AID In never bccn outside of the state. Why
d. ynu vak of himr "Why. savo him q
lit;lo volume Of North Carolina sketches,
written by talented young friend Of mine.
Ia tho genuine tarhecl dialect, and hc has
just brought II back TO me, saying that lie
cant understand wor,l Of it," And as ST.
lcncc entered the room with her finger on
her lips, u long lost grammar In the bookcase
could bc distinctly heard, parting its speech
in the middle.
AN EXTRAVAGANZA.
Publisher ION the coolest, windiest corner
In al tho cityl-Plcasc, sir, can't you givc
me li;;l' change for q nights lodgingi /
haiat had anything TO cat all day. Author
Q,urstias in tears and cmptyins q handful
Of gold into the outstrctchcd palmJ-God
bless yoa, poor man! Here, so TO tho bost