St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-04-22

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Saltwater to the New England:
Hello. Central.
Give me that New England Telephone
man, please.
Hello,
Is that the New England Telephone
man?
1t is.
You had a little conversation with
Mrs. Smithers last week, Ibelieve?
Yes, we had that pleasure.
Well, want to inquire how in the
name of all that's good and great you
can sell goods at the price you do and
deliver them here in Saltwater free.
Why, my dear sir; easiest thing in the
world! 1t is the Telephone mans
racket, peculiar to himself. 1t is entirely
original, but L would add is most salts
factory to the company.
OH it's secret, then!
Well, to be candid. no. No secret at
all! 1t is the old nimble sixpence and
slow shilling business. We are after
that siXpence.
CONVERSATION NO. 2.
Hello, New England!
Hello!
Is that the Telephone man?
Yes, surely! Don't you know my voice?
Well, yes! come to think of it. it is
somewhat broad, like your mouth. Say!
about office desks; can L buy good
one of you?
Yes! and by the way, this is q good
chance to tell you and your friends thai
we have no trash for sale in our store.
Everything is reliable, and if it proves
otherwise through any fault of cOnstruc-
ton, back it comes, and back it goes to
the factory, and our customer gets back
what he paid for
Well, say! you are quite an independ-
ent fellow, are you not?
No! not independent! only business.
like, think.
Well, what will a good desk cost, any
way? | want one with two banks of
drawers, lots of pigeOnhOles, and one
that will not cause me to lose my train
every night trying to make the auto
matte lock business work; or get lock-
smith to open in the morning-and mind
what say | want the price of First
Glass desk.
Such desk as you want, sir, will cost
you S33 for a low top. and $40 for high
top; while if you want one six inches
longer it will cost S44 or $52.
DO you have them in stock?
YeS and for immediate delivery.
When will you be up?
Tomorrow.
CONVERSATION NO. 8.
Hello. New England
/ would like to talk with your Telephone
man. He looks real goOd-natured, as have
seen his picture; and have few questions
to ask.
All right! here he is
Hello, Mr.. Telephone mani What do you
know about bedding?
Well, most everything, from a corn-husk
shake down TO forty -pound feather bed.
Well, l don't want feather bed, but L
would like to know what makes my mattress
smell so. paid good price for it, and it
perfumes the whole room.
May ask how much you paid for your
mattress!
Well. didn't buy it of you; but when
bought it paid $3.50 for it,
Excuse me but they always throw in the
smell with $3.50 mattress. 1t is a wool
mattress, l suppose, isn't it!
Yes that is what they called ii.
Exactly! In one sense it is wool probably;
but the facts are, that it is composed, as you
will find if you will take the trouble to rip it
open OF nothing but ground rags of oil de-
nominations. The truth is, people in this
country expect too much comfort for the
money, in their mattresses. Why where 1
came from, nobody ever thought of Duying
anything less than an IS or SO mattress
with decent chamber suit. beg yonr par
don, but think you expect too much
Why! do you mean ! cannot get an odor-
less mattress for less than IS or $40? I
thought the New England sold goods cheap.
Yes. we do sell goods cheap, but we do not
sell Cheap Goods. We have mattresses az
low as S1.50, and sell the so-called wool mat
tresSes at So. You can get a mattress that
won't smell for less than 80 or $40 if you get
a husk or excelsior; while for s. or So you
can get Il moss mattress, or cotton; but be-
lieve me, IS or $40 is as little money as per
son ought to invest in their mattress, and IL
Why don't you know one third of your life
is spent in bed!
Yes l know it. or ought to be; and guesz
your advice is good; thank you, Mr. Tele.
phone man. am much obliged for your inter
est l will come down and see you. Good-byel
Goodbye!