davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04
He Had a Bug ParaIyzer.

Mrs. Dollinger moved the other day.
While waiting for the dray the furniture
was scattered about the yard She was
looking critically at some spots in the
varnish on a bedstead, which was lean
ing against the house and wondering
what would remove them, when young
man came along on the sidewalk, stop
ped and began fumbling in a small hand
satchel, as he said, in a loud clear
voice
Al, madam, arrived just at the
right moment-I was never more OPP
perfume am selling preparation here
at fifty cents bottle which viii knock
EN- every time"
Sir" exclaimed Mrs. Dollinger,
q Sir, what do you mean2"
No Offense, madam no offense,
assure you. You needn't be afraid Of
it, because you see it is warranted to do
its work-they can't live when it is
around"
Aht aiS tHculAtAAf 81 iNttAi'-
Mrs. Dollinger, with wrath, az she no
ticed some Of the neighboring women
putting their heads out the window
cautiously. If you don't go away l
shall call policeman
No occasion for if, madam, no oe-
casion whatever. You see we're ali liable
to have 'em-they will get in, madam
probably were here in the house before
you moved-you're not to blame. But
there is nothing permanent 'em, madam,
when you have my"
Sir, if YOU don't go on | shall scream.
Don't do it, madam don't do it
As was saying you need some Of As
tonisher and Paralyzer, or Housekeeping
Made Easy, and it will fetch 'em at one
application. Take the bottle thus mad
am, and apply with a feather-guaran-
teed no to injure the most highly polish
ed surface. No necessity for resorting to
kerosene, corrosive sublimate or jabbing
'em with a sharp stick. notice some
spots on your bedstead, madam-evi-
IDENTIFY been trying to drown 'em out with
hot water. That plan is crude madam,
remarkably crude
One bottle Of my Astonisher and Para
lyzer, Of which l have the honor 10 be
the inventor, patentee and manufacturer
applied with common hens feather,
will do more towards ridding the premi-
ses Of 'em than a whole Niagara Of not
water, if may be allowed the expires
sion Don't depend longer on trying 10
harpoon 'em with fork, ! beg Of you,
but invest the small sum of-ah, going,
are your he continued as Mrs. Dolling
er Topped into the house with her face
very red well, good day, then If
you're bound to live with 'em / can't
help it but think the other ladies on
this block look at the matter quite differ
entity. Then he went and sold twelve
bottles before he could get out Of the
neighborhOod.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04
Look Here, Girls.

Among the vast number Of memorials
presented by the provincial officials of
China, few are more curioussto western
eyes than those praying for imperial
rewards for persons who have performed
in some conspicuous manner their duties
toward their families or kindred In
recent number Of the Pekin Ga-sti, the
Governor of Honan province requests
the bestowal Of an honorary patent ON
a young lady who since her childhood
has been devoted to her books and Is
imbued with high ideas of duty The
youth TO whom she was engaged having
died, she gave way to violent grief, which
nearly cost her her life Her mother
reproved her and rescued her from death
by impressing upon her the duty of
bringing up child TO continue the sue
cession 10 her husband" She went TO
Canton where he died) to invite his
spirit TO return, and 10 offer oblations to
his memory, and she is now waiting I'M
til one of her husbands brothers is mar
ried in order that she may adopt one of
his SONS and thus continue the line of
succession. She is now "A, and fully
resolved to lead single life, and be
rare example to her sex.
The Governor expresses his sympathy
with girl of distinguished family who
has been so suddenly deprived of the
light Of her existence. Hers is not a
case of merely remaining unmarried for
the ten years prescribed by the Yiching,
but, in the language of the Odes, she
has vowed that until death she will have
no other
In the same issue magistrate and
military officer are degraded for behead-
ing a prisoner who was sentenced TO be
hanged. The offence is one of blunder-
ing recklessness beyond ali possible JUS
tification, and every one concerned is
severely handled, although the officer
excused himself on the ground that the
soldiers employed at the execution were
drunk.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04
So He viii Go Free.

First Lady Juror-There seems to be
no doubt that the prisoner murdered his
wife.
second Lady Juror-Yes. isn't he aw-
ful handsome?
Third Lady Juror-The poor fellow
hasn't had single bouquet sent to him
to-day.
Fourth Lady Juror-But you know the
ladies weren't sure be was guilty.
Fifth Lady Juror-Of course not they
didn't hear half the evidence.
Sixth Lady Juror-If we bring him in
guilty what will they do?
Seventh Lady Juror-Hang him.
Chorus-Horrorsl
Eighth Lady Juror-Why not say sec
ond degree.
Ninth Lady Juror-Then they'd i'm
prison the poor man for life
Chorus-Horrorsl
Tenth Lady Juror-It wont do to bring
him in guilty at all
Eleventh Lady Juror-I'm afraid not
Twelfth Lady Juror-0f course not if
he is locked up we can't any OF Us marry
him.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04
Dakota Railroads.
We were driving past Dakota set
tiers house he came cut and said:
Surveyin' mother railroad


We were driving past Dakota set
tiers house he came cut and said:
-Surveyin' mother railroad?"
NO.
Ain't9 I sw'ar told the:old woman
we got TO move tie house again"
Had trouble with the railroad sur
veyors9"
"Yes-been snakin' my house round
all summer First some men came along
in a buggy, set up some long shin,
barbar- -pole-lookin' sticks. Stuck up q
three-lesged dufunny, bumped down an
squinted through il, an then says they
" Old hoss, you've got TO move your house
bout four rods. cause we're goin' to run
the track Of the Dakot.s and Gum Wood
Fork railroad right through here"
50 you moved it2"
" Pulled her right out o the way.
/ amt the man to hinder no public
Improvements Then some more come
along an squinted an peeked round, an
says they; Mister tiranger, we're sorry
but we'll have TO trouble you to yank
your house round bout six rods 10 the
SOUTH 1 made a bee and yanked
her.
Didn't that settle it?"
No. In bout week caught some
more men squintin'. an called the boys
and We put jack-screws under the house
and then asked the feiIers where she
should go. Jes' haul her bout a quarter
Of mile due west, old man, says they
an fore night me an the boys had her
hauled left the wheels right under it
that time an told Ike not To unyoke The
oxen
You didn't have to move again"
Yes, but / did Next .nornin' fore
We was up lcng come committee from
town an condemned the house an or
dered me to move it inside of ten min
utes to make room for the Great Dakota
an North Pole Route. We hooked up
an was rnakin' it along while my wife
got breakfast, when down came a big fat
man with half a dozen double ehins, an
begun givin' me hail Columbia for drivin'
'crost the right o way Of the Great Dako-
Ia and Oshkosh rad, an while / was
poundin' the oxen the Sheriff Threatened
to arrest me for obstructin the depot
grounds Of the Great Dakota Open-Air
Blizzard Line. jes' managed 70 git my
house Oft onto piece o government
land and then set an watched the sur
veyors comm on the run for the next
week"
Didn't any Of the roads build?"
Oh, no they tell me down town that
they all got their stocks sold to Eastern
spectators, so there amt no need Of
buildin' Whew? but you orter see the
little pine stakes stuk in my place; you
can't walk 'crost it in the night 'thout
fallin' down faster than You can get up
Chicago Tribune
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04
tContin,.sd On Third Pags.)
The Millennium still Distant.

Ohio Man-Are you Henry George the
great philanthropisi2
Henry George-Yes, sir, the millenni-
um will
Il know all about your scheme, but |
have better one which | wish you
would take hold Of"
"Eh ?"
Yes, sir. You see live along the
east side Of Lake Erie and have been
thinking of this thing for years"
@Yes, my theory was the work of a
lifetime, too. What is it your purpose
10 do?''
My plan was to drain Lake Erie and
live on the fish,
"Oh, that won't do-won't do at all ~
why won't it ?"
. I don't like fish"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04
1888.
HARPER'S MAGAZINE.
ILLUSTRATED.

HAKPER's MAGAZINE is an organ of pro-
gressive thought and movement in every de
partment Of life. Besides other attractions,
il viii contain. during the coming year. i'm
portani articles, superbiy illustrated, on the
Great West articles on American and for
eign industry beautifully illustrated papers
on Scotland, Norway. Switzerland. Algiers,
and the West Indies new novels by VIII
liam Black and w. ID. Howelis; novel
cites. each complete in a single number.
hv Henry james, iafcadio Hearn, and
Amelie Rives short stories by Miss Wool
son and other popular writers and illustra-
ted papers Of special artistic and literary in
terest. The editorial Departments are con-
Quoted BY George William Curtis. William
Dean Howells. and Charles Dudley Warner.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04
Bills in His Desk.

Pretty Cousin lin young lawyers
Office That is beautiful desk, Charley
Young lawyer (compiacentlyl yes, it is
convenient. That pigeon hole, you see,
Maud, is marked Bills Payable" the
next Bills Receivable and
Pretty Cousin-What a quantity of
Bills Payable"
Young lawyer-Well-er, yes.
Pretty Cousin : And the Bills Re
ceivable7 hole is quite empty.
Young Iawyer-Er-a-a-well, / haven't
got the desk fixed up yet, Maud.
Pretty Cousin--Ohl
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04
One Liar in the Family.

You love my daughter ?' said the old
man.
Love herl" he exclaimed, passion
ately. Why, sir, would die for her :
For one soft glance from those sweet eyes
/ would hurl myself from yonder cliff
and perish bleeding. bruised mass
upon the rocks two hundred feet below.
The old man shook his head.
"I'm somewhat of liar myself he
said, ''and one is enough for a small fam
lily like mine"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04
1893.
HARPER'S YOUNG PEOPLE.
An ILLUSTRATED WEEKLY,

HARPER's YOUNG PEOPLE interests all
young readers by it, carefully selected varie-
~ Of themes and their well-considered treat
men; II contains the best serial and short
stories. valuable articles on scientific subjects
and travel, historical and biographical sketch
Is, papers on athletic sports and games stirr-
ing poems, etc. contributed by the brightest
and most famous writers. Its illustrations
are numerous and excellent. Occasional
supplements of especial interest TO Parents
and Teachers will be feature Of the forth
coming volume which will comprise fifty
three weekly numbers. Every line in the
paper Is subjected 10 the most rigid editorial
scrutiny in order thai nothing harmful may
enter its columns.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04

A Minneapolis woman was fined ten
dollars for breaking her umbrella over
the head of street masher, but the
public sent her over two bundled
dollars to pay the fine with She ought
to distribute the money among one hun
dred and ninety other women and let
them clean out the pests--Dsfrot Free
Pres.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04

8 George, DEAR said the girl, do you
ever drink anything?" Yes, occasion
ally George reluctantly admitted.
" But, dear" she went on anxiously,
what do you suppose papa would say
If be should discover that the future hus-
band Of his only daughter drank ?v
" He discovered ii this morning" %,
George. and what did he say?v He
said, Well, George, my boy, j don't care
if do. 'r-Nsu Topk Sun.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04
HARPER's PERIODICALS.

The Volumes of the Weekly begin with
the first Number for January of eacll year.
When no time is mentioned. subscriptions
will begin with the Number current al time
Of receipt of order.
Bound Volumes of Harper's Weekly. for
three years back, in neat cloth binding. viii
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free of expense provided the freight does not
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Cloth cases for each volume, suitable for
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Remittanees should be made by Post-0ffice
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Neirdpers arc not 10 copg his aduertiseaeI, seti-
oaa he cypress order q Harper q Brothers,
Address.
HARPER d BROTHERS. New York
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04

An epitome Of everything that is attractive
and desirable in Juvenile literature Boston
Coilrier
A weekly feast Of good things 10 the boys
and girls in every family which il visits
Brooklyn Union.
1t is wonderful in its wealth of pictures.
information, and interest.-NeV York Christ
ian IdUOcGte-
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04

The volumes Of the MAGAZINE begin with
the Numbers for June and December of each
wear. When no time is specified. sulscrip-
lions will begin with the Number current at
time Of receipt of order.
Bound Volumes Of HARPER's MAGszISE,
for three years back, in neat cloth binding,
viii be sent by mail. post-paid- on receipt OF
g 10 per volume. Cloth Gases, for binding,
~ cents cach--by mail post paid.
Index 10 HsRPER's MAGAZINE Alphabet
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Remittance should be made by Posl-offiee
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tciflosa the cypress order q HaRrER & BRos-
Address HARPER & BROTHERS,
New York.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04

A belled buzzard" is again circulat-
ing over middle and west Tennessee
Owing to the mortality Of the cattle,
caused by the drought, he fills a long felt
want
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04

~HACKMETACK,7 lasting and fra
grant perfume Price 25 and 50 cents
Sold by Geo. W. Benford & Son.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04

The world could not go on if people
gave up labor when it became irksome-
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04

France win shortly issue 100000
nanc2
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04
TERMS: POSTAGE PREPAID. $500
PER YEAR.
Vol. TX. begins November L, 1887.

Specimen Copy sent on roe,ift Of t'oo-oent
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Money Order or Draft. to avoid chance Of
loss
Newspapers arc not 20 copg this advertisement
iritho,a he erpress order cf HuPer d Brothers
Address,
HARPER & BROTHERS. New York.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-01-04
HARPER'S PERIODICALS.
Per Year:

Postage Free te al Subscribers IN the United
STATES. Canada or MsTico.
Clarksville evening chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn) 1886-1890, 1888-10-26
BRooKLYr. STREET CARS.
The Cross-T0wn Company Again /
Trouble-A Tie-Up Ordered.

The CrOss-Town Company Again in
Trouble--A Tie-Up Ordered.
New YORK, Oct. 26-At midnight
"Wednesday night tie-up was ordered by
District Assembly No. IS ON all the lines
operated by the Cross town Railroad COM
pany of Brooklyn. The tie-up took place in
the morning
THAT is the decision arrived at" said a
delegate, latter full discussion and consid.
Grafton Of the reports Of the committees
which have for year been trying to bring
about satisfactory settlement of the dis
puteS on this line. The trouble is a revival
of the wrangle which brought about the
tie up OF last August. 1t is about the dis
charge of certain employees by Superintsnd-
ent Sullivan.
"There are more than four hundred drivers
and conductors on the Cross town line and
its branches, the Park Avenue, the Hunters
Point, and the Green Point and Calvary
Cemetary lines. At the time of the last tie.
up, in August, it was said that the settle
ment OF the dispute at that time by young
Mr. Slocum was only truce to await the
arrival of his father, Gen. Sloeum, from
Europe.
'Since his arrival the executive board has
LTleu 10 SHbblS RTleFhUCeS OL
the men ON this line, but has failed. Mr..
James Graham, Mr.. Andrew d. Best and
others of the board have in their work stood
abuse which we feel the company were not
warranted in giving thenl. But for that we
do not care much"
The stablemen were ordered when the men
tie their lines to the brakes to continue at
their work OF caring for the horses.
1--WE intend to win this time" said mem.
Der Of the executive board, "for we have
every local assembly Of drivers and con.
ductors in this city and Brooklyn with US.
See those men," pointing to a number Of
persons on car, ''they are hurrying down
TO the meeting room in Fulton street and
those whom you see on that Green Point car
are our men hurrying back with words Of
what up to the present time has been going
on ut the meetinG.n
Clarksville evening chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn) 1886-1890, 1888-10-26
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.
Topics of the Times Given in Terse an
Spicy Manner.

Topics of the Times Given in Terse an I
Spicy Manner.
John Schaller murdered his wife and COM
mitted suicide, at Cincinnati. Jealousy was
the cnuse OF the deed.
Steve Sappington, halter Lafayette, Ind.
No cause.
Three men were fatally injured by the fall
of a scaifOld at Pittsburg.
English Lutheran church synod began Its
sessions ut Indianapolis Wednesday.
Francis Murphy closed his course al Leb-
nuon, Wednesday night, with an immense
meeting.
A. w. Carla, editor of the Binghampton,
N. Y. Evening Leader, fell dead at the sup
per table, Wednesday.
The establishment Of a state board of
health in Florida has been recommended by
Surgeon General Hamilton.
Warrants were issued Wednesday at Jer-
sey City for twenty-five men who have reg
istered illegally.
Tom William, half breed Mexican, muir
dered bis mistress, Maggie Smith, and then
committed suicide by cutting his throat at
Deer Lodge, Mont, Wednesday. The couple
had quarre!ed.
Arthur Agner, prominent young man
of Marysville, o., died Wednesday from an
overdose of morphine, administered by him.
self, taken to relieve neuralgia. He was 10
have been married that evening
Isaac Tate was fatally hurt in n saw mill
at Wooster, o.
The New York Graphic was sold at sher-
ifT's sale 20 the Southern Trust company for
S., 900
-Four steamers, the City of New York, the
GGllia, the Trave, and the Britannia, sailed
from New York yesterday morning. A
great race is expected. Mrs. Gen. John A.
logan is on the Trave.
Henry Guest, wealthy farmer living
north of Wilmington, Del, few miles, was
robbed Of $1,000 by three men who came TO
his place oStensibly to buy it.
John Weisman, Of SheIburne, Mass, who
was romanlically married six months ago to
a Pennsylvania, in answer to an advertise
mont in paper, committed suicide
Edward Burt, Of Licking county, Ohio, de-
posted 81, 200 with Ed Mcdonald, temporary
night clerk OF hotel at Colorado Springs.
Mcdonald fled with the money, but was cap
tured and 81 800 recovered. Mcdonald, who
was from ST. Louis, subsequently, escaped
from his captors.
The hghtkeeper's house at Point Isabel,
near Brownsville, Tex, has boon bombarded
! for several nights with nails, oyster-shells
and brckbats Investigation has failed to
| show the source, and the superstitious ascribe
/ it to the ghosts Of sailors who were drowned
/ near by when the light was not burning.
Clarksville evening chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn) 1886-1890, 1888-10-26
ForeIxn h3tes.

A pastoral, prepared by the Metropolitan
Theodosius, declares King Milan and King
Natalie no longer man and wife.
The German government has declined to
assist in the Emin Bey relief expedition, he
having ceased TO be German subject.
Bishops Dsmetrius, Of Nisch, and Nicanor,
Of Cacak, have been dismissed from the
Servian church for opposing the divorce Of
King Milan.
Dispatches from Wady Halfa state that
the white pasha is in the Bahr-el.G azelle,
and that troops from Omdurman are march.
ing against him.
Professors Won Bergen and Gerhardt dined
with Emperor William at Potsdam. His
majesty has gone to Blankenberg to enjoy
shooting with Prince Albrecht
Gen. Boulanger has expressed himself in
favor of the dissolution of the chamber OF
deputies and in favor of constituent assem-.
bly,, which should be independent of the ex.
ecutive power.
At meeting at Glasgow Lord Roseberry
advocated imperial federation. A letter
from the marquis of Lorne expressed the
hope that imperial federation would be the
aim Of all. Lord Brossey declared it was
against the interests of the colonies to be
separated from the motherland
Clarksville evening chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn) 1886-1890, 1888-10-26
Pnrmellites Elntcti.

LONDON, Oct. 2 6.--The Parncll commits
sion, Investigating the charges OF the Lon
don Times, heard tho presentation OF the
Yhunderey's cpse Wednesday by Attorney
General Webster Tho impression prevail
ing is that tho great newspaper has not made
It's cause very strong one The attorney
general accused Parnell OF possessing Grim.
NAL knowledge regarding the use OF funds
bv the league for criminal purposes Some
irems of accounts, he said, could DO traced
which disclosed Parnelps relations with
u.urlcYous nssociatons-for instance, u
check of goo sent to Byrne and one for e35
sent 20 Quinn.
The ParnellteS are elated over the admis,
sion of rho Times that bundle Of letters it
4parch.sal in America were spurious TniS
Nwill throw suspicion on tho genuinencss of
ali tho rest he Pail MILL Gazette ASSERTS
that the forged letters were hawlied about
Fleet street in 1855, hunting purchaser at
el 900. which price it believes the Times pail
for them.
Clarksville evening chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn) 1886-1890, 1888-10-26


and whom hat peen gooins to marry for
dirtg fife years"
II wish you may be successful, Conred!'
"Dank you, signo"e. Shake hand vid dat
Goct yellow, Bietro, for me-"
As each successive day passed by, tho posi-
ton OF tho Duko of ARGOS in tho Castel-
Euovo became moro critical. TIE revolt Of
Naples was becoming moro serious Tho
PEOPLE had fought with tho Spaniards on tho
first day; they had piilaSed and murdered
the next day, and from tie battlenents 0!
his fortress the viceIoy bad been able to SEQ
the gloomy reflection Of Ito burning build
ines
Tho Spaniards were completely dis
cou.accd. Ca tho GTSt day Of the siege,
Naples Right have een frightened into s;I5-
mission by . boiGbarlment. But tho yiceroy
had hes.tatc,i; for, after ell, the Neapolitans
were property to him, valuable property,
a harvest always ripe, always Ct TO be cat
down in fet sheaves by the sickle; 10 wes
ilo-e profitable for him to deceive this vul-
Ecr herd than to NOW tAern.down with grape
sEut.
Suddenly tho news was brought to the
viceroy that bis daughter, escorted By q
troop Of armed fishermen, was at the gates
OF the fortress TIE old man rushed down
IA kersoa TO the CITES in order to convince
hi-1-se!s Of the truth Of such good news, which
Clarksville evening chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn) 1886-1890, 1888-10-26
The axocx.ncbird Disappearing.

Florida mourns the loss OF the sweet
notes Of the mocEirg5,d. Formerly
hundreds Of them coald be heard singing.
but their nests have been so systemari-
cally broken up or robbed of their yolng
that they are rapidly disap2 earring. =
Chicago Herald.
Clarksville evening chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn) 1886-1890, 1888-10-26
Prohibitionlsts Pleased.

CHICAGO, Oct 26-At the headquarters Of
the National Prohibition executive com
mittee in this city considerable satisfaction
is expressed over the decision of the United
States supreme court affirming the constitu-
tonality OF the Iowa prohibitory law. The
opinion is held that the decision will
strengthen the nartY in the coming election.
Clarksville evening chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn) 1886-1890, 1888-10-26

SAN Francisco, Oct. z6.-While Joaquin
Miller was shooting quail yesterday his horse
jumped Unexpectedly, and a bullet went
through his left hand 1t missed the bones,
and only made a painful flesh wound. The
only danger is from lockjaw.