The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1888-08-17
WIT AND

WIT AND HUMOR.
A fellow whose girl went back ON
him says shc Is afflicted with ..heart
failute."-Aidrthd's Vineyard Herald.
It is one of the pcculiaritics of things
in general that the freshest men gem
orally tell the stalcst stories.-DOsl0n
Commercial.
"What becomes of the old moons,
pap" 1.-The old moons, my son? Why
they die of new moOnia, of COURSE
LINN Item.
She is not necessarily q brunette.
but the object of a woman who will
paint aud powder is to keep her real
complexion dark.-Bostom Transcript.
Young man Gin restaurant)-Er-
waiter. 1 don't like the appearance of
this napkin. Waiter-That snapkin
was fresh this morning, sir-Hdyycr's
Bdzar.
81 say, old man, can you tell me
what is the first present mentioned in
the bible?" "Give it up" "NWhy. Eve
presented Adam with a Cain, stupid"
Lie.
We are informed that the bon-ton of
the Chinese in this country are a sort
of Washington. This is a most touch.
ing tribute to the Father of his coun.
try.--1Ime.
He-Whyd does Miss Jaundicc always
wear lilies of the valley? Shc-I can't
lima gine--particularly as flowers of the
plain would be SO much more appro-
priatc.-LJc.
Quack doctors do business on the
supposition that only one man in q
dozen is sensible. 1t appears to us that
this is rather Il large cstimatc.-Hoch.
ester Express.
Let Nine. DcBar show us the spirit
painted portrait of our next presi-
dent of the United States. and then,
LoweN Citizen.
Friend Ito convalcsccn)-I s'pose
your pneumonia cost YOU Il good deal;
Brown? Convalcsccnt-Oh, no; l got
it in an open strcct-car for five cents.
Ha,per's Basdr.
Professor of English--I wish you
could have been present at IL college
commencement. Speaker of English
Twas. sir. helped lay the corner
stonc.-Om0hu World.
"A lie grows rs it travels" A fish
erman's lie is IN exception. 1t is the
fish that grows, and the lie is cut, bast-
ed and sewed to suit the size of the
tish.-Boston Courier.
Mrs. Waldo (of Boston)-Isn't Mr..
Wabash of Chicago, an original young
man, Penelope? Miss Pcnelope-Hc's
more than that. mammu; lie is aborir-
inal.-NcW lork SIN.
Strangers who have been i'm Boston
muddy days say they cam never again
be brought to believe that Lowell is
the simon-purc. original Spindle City.
-SomerciM Journal.
Edison is totally deaf and is the
father of nm infant, and says he would
sacrifice everything to get his hearing
back. Genius is frequently eccentric.
-NcW HuucM NeWs.
Aim hard up, and want money
badly. Ed-Whyn not write to some of
your friends? Al-1llat's the trouble.
| have too many friends. l wish l
knew a stranger.-Ha,pcr's Basar.
If the human race was evolved from
the apes, it at least has the satisfaction
of knowing that its ancestors were in-
telligent-tley were educated in the
higher branchcs.-NcW York Tribune.
MI. Bascomb-I see that the Uni
vcrsity of Bologna celebrates its SOOth
anniversary the 18th. Mrs. Bascomb
%, how l should like to be there and
see them make the sausages!-Bu,1ing-
ton Free Press.
81 never pass that house across tho
way" said Dumlcy, ''tlat l do not see
that pretty little woman OH the lawn.
She must spend mos of her time
there" Brownies, she does; she is
u grass widow.-Ncw YORK. Sun.
Proprietor-Havc a good dinner. sir?
Guest-Can't say l did, but YOU have
two things on the bill as fine as my
where in the United States. Proprietor
(6attercd)-Ah! and they are? Guest
The salt and the icc-watcr Time.
Brown--You don't look we'll, Robin
son; what's the matter. sick. Robin
son-Yes: smoked too many cigars to-
day. Brown-How many have you
smoked? Robinson--That one YOU
gave me last night-Ncw lo% San.
Brown-You don't look we'll, lately,
Robinson. Robinson-No; l can't
sleep ut night on account of lung
trouble. OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES; your lungs
are all right. Roblnson-Yes, mine
are; the trouble is with the baby's.-
Pick.
Indignant dude-I want you to un-
derstand, sir, that I'm IL gentleman.
Other fcllow-All right, sir; as a friend
of the family l will do my. best, but
you are putting my capacity for UNDER
standing to n fearful test.-ArAunsaw
1tuvclcr.
Mistrcss-Bridget, where is that pic
ture of Psyche that belongs in the
front parlor? Bridgct-Och. it's me
silf, mum, that forgot To bring il back.
/ was fixin' me hair fer church this
marnin' and | left it i'm me w room.
-P4c.hs.
Paris has n ..socicty for the protec-
ton of young men who have lost their
latchkeys and can't get in the house,
That is all we'll enough, but in this
country the protection is most needed
after admitta,lce has been gained
McW Haren McWs.
Professor of Glass in Journalism
What is the difference between an edi-
torial and an editorial paragraph? Stu
dent-An editorial is of the same ma
ture as an editorial paragraph. but is
larger and doesn't have as much to