The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-06-07
WIT AND HUMOR.

Ine snaQe.-PUc6.
Browning is revising some of his
earlier poems. He is afraid somebody
has ciphered out their meaning by this
Pttts6urg Chronicle.
Nine-tentks of the pianos now made
are upright pianos, but nine-tenths of
the pianists at large are downright
nuisances.-Bosto,s Batdget.
FannieP" She-"What kind of license
marriage hcensep" He changed the
subject Washington Critic.
The man who is looking for some
thing to do rarely finds anything, but
If he is willing to do anything he can
always find something.-Ttd-Btts.
You can't always judge the size of a
mans bank account by the artistic
beauty Of the picture on the outside of
his Office safe SomerciHe Journal.
Old gentleman Ito conyict)-What
is the most Objectionable feature you
find in prison life, my dear friends"
Convict-"Wisitors. ."-Nes0 York San.
Bessie-How radiant Clara looks!
wonder if Jack has proposed? Maude
(Clara's sriva!)-Proposed! You mean
you wonder if he has aecepted.-1oOn
Topics.
Young bachelor-..I see Mrs. John
Sherwood says American men are the
most indulgent husbands in the world. y
Married man-.Humph! We have to
be.''-Omadha World.
Discrepancies in my accounts?" re-
peated the bank cashier Indignantly;
''not bit of it. The accounts are all
right to mill The trouble is with
the cash. SomerUilte Journal.
Washington hostess (giving an eve
ming party)-''James, are the ambu-
lances at the doorP" James-"Yes,
,ma'am." Washington hostess Then
you may announce supper. Life.
The freak who writes and eats with
his feet is proud of the fiexibility of
his big toe. He says it has earned as
much money by its writing as ever
Harriet Beecher-Stowe did.-NeW York
Tribune
Mrs. Lille Devereaux Blake thinks
women would make good sol
diers. They might until somebody
was seen going to the rear with an ex-
ceptionally attractive bonnet. : Bar
linqton Free Press.
Inc udyS are now HO longer Uudu Tie
nights, but they are still much too
short for man who has to explain to
his wife how it happens that he calls
her Lulu" in his dreams while her
name is ssJane"-FdH Ricer Aduance
MIR. Equalrights-"I suppose, my
love, that you pickedup good deal of
interesting knowledge at the Women's
Congress- Mrs. E.-sDear me, yes!
1t isn't often that one has chance to
inspect 5000 bonnets at once!"-Life.
YES said the amateur actor,
mournfully, 81 had the leading role,
but the audience evidently thought l
was intended for a supe." s.WhyP"
..Because when / appeared they threw
vegetables upon the stage. - Boston
Courier.
Dumley-"Brown wants to bet me
800 that in ten years more New York
will have population of over two
millions" Robinson (excitedly) =
'sTake him up, Dumley, take him up,
and let me hold the money."-Hdr
per's Bazaar.
Belle (from New York)-May 1
come in pleasep St. Peter-I don't
know-you went to the theatre during
Lent. Fair Gothamite- Yes, but al
ways took my hat off. (And the
angels lifted their voices in welcoming
song. Life.
Mamie. Mamma, can't go over to
Kitty's house and play awhile?" Mann
ma (hesitatingly)-"1 don't know,
dear. Yes, you can go for just
little while" Mamie (demurely)-
4sThank YOU, mamma, I've been.''-
brakes Magazine.
"My DEAR" said young lady to her
husband, as she was looking over the
newspaper, '"what are preferred credit
ors?" They are the-the-the credit
ors who never send in their bills.
Aeastways, that's the kind that | pre-
Ger. London Echo.
Beggar-Will you please give me
dime, sir? I'm deaf and dumb. Gen.
tleman-Deaf and dumb? Beggar-I
mean I'm blind. It's me twin brother
who is deaf and dumb, sir. We look
so much alike that get mixed up my
self sometimes. Troy Press.
A conductor poked his head in the
door of a ear and called out the sta
tion Sawyer" whereupon young
man upon his wedding tour. who was
about to kiss his bride, yelled back:
81 don't care if you did, sir; she's my
wife. ."-Augasta Chronicle.
A boarding-house mistress comes in
for great deal more cynicism than
she deserves. Unfeeling critics say of
her that she has her weak and strong
points-the weak points being her
coffee and the strong points being her
butter.-Shoe and Leatder Reporter
Rose Cleveland can't make up her
mind why woman is not the equal of
man. She knows there's some catch
somewhere, but can't find it. We beg
to call her attention to the superior
manner in which a man gets over a
fence or climbs d ladder.-Dotr0it Free
Press.
Dissatisfied Colonel q expected,
Captain, that the General would send
me men of experience for his expedi-
tisn-I wanted an officer to lead men
who have seen service-I dare say YOU
never led anything?" Captain-'I
led the German last summer at New
port. Life.
.Did your son take the valedictory
in collegep" said a gentleman to
lady who was enthusiastically praising
the ability of her offspring. mo, in
deed he didn't" she replied with pride.
''He didn't take anything. He is the
healthiest boy you ever saw" Wash
sington Critic.
A minister overlook a Quaker lady
and politely assisted her in opening a
gate. As she was a comparative
stranger in town he said: "You don't
know, perhaps that, l am Mr.. -.
Haven'tyou heard me preaeh?n "Ihave
heard thee try" was the quick re-
joinder. Bits
Vagrant-"Beg pardon, mum, but
could We have the kindness to lend me
a box of sardines to open with this
can-opener?" Mrs. Oatcake- -..Sorry
/ can't poor fellow; but here's dip
per of water and tract. | kinder
hate to send the poor away empty
handed. ."-JtIdge.
Invalid-O, Annabel, I'm SO glad
you've come; had the most horrible
dream last night; dreamt died and
that met that horrid Susan Dingley
with the angels, and her halo fitted
her ever SO much better than mine did