Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-05-17
WIT AND HUMOR.


order-and to form lawn order
league, as it ere.-LincolR Journal
Betting on mans death is called
life insurance. Money is paid over 10
the friends of the winner.-Aed9 Or
leans Picay~ne.
The people of this country are not
in need of any new language. Many
of them cannot speak the one they
have-RietmoRd State.
New Jersey is about to try the ex-
pertinent of high license. 1t should
be as high as lightning rods to cover
Jersey liquor. = Ne1g Orleans PicG-
y1tne.
Bob Ingersoll is so irreverent that,
if he should see Death coming on a
pale horse, he would look around right
away for the red-hcaded girl.-Jour-
nal Of Education.
Kentucky teacher (of infant geo.
graphy class)-Tommy Blood may tell
Us whata strait is. Tommy Blood
It's jest the plain stuff 'thout nothin in
it.-Nea0 YORK. Suh.
A Boston woman who used to spend
So per year for kid gloves now gets
along with three pairs. Reason: Her
husband bought her diamond ring
Detroit Free Press.
Brown has threatened to kick me
if he meets me out in society. Suppose
you were me, and should see him come
into the room, what would you do?"
'Sit down. Judge.
Boston says Sullivan was over
trained. This is like John RANDOLPH
description of some Virginia land:
Poor by nature, and ruined by cult
walton. "-Bcttinore american.
A prehistoric dam has been discov-
cred in Oregon. 1t is supposed to
have been uttered by Hannibal Ham
lin the first time he went out with no
overcoat.-SGpF francisco Alta.
The name of the new japanese Min
lister to Observation-Disclosures Nut
su-Will seem strange to correspond
ents for awhile, but they will soon get
used to it.-Baltjn10re american.
Women are by nature more or less
limited in their sphere of usefulness.
There is probably not one now living
who could become a silent partner in
any Duluth PGragrGpber
Look at her waist! [ notice that
the ladies generally are wearing high
necked dresses this year. Yes, said
the old fox-hunter; ''they seem to have
been driven to cover at last. life.
The party which expects to win sue
cess by evasion of puolic questions is
as far ''off'' as the cook who tries to
make buckwheat cakes out of the bat
ter of a baseball club.-San Francisco
ALtG.
Just keep track of them this sum-
mer and you will find that nine-tenths
of the people drown9d were good
swimmers. The chap who can't pad
die stays on dry land.-Detr0U Free
Press.
Matthew Arnold objects to Ameri-
can nomenclature, and "Griggsville, "
'Briggsville," and the like, set his
teeth on edge. Pleasant mornings
Mr.. Arnold is often seen on Rotten
Row. "-Epoch.
"Say, Jim, it seems ter me that
those Chinese are always at work"
''Ah, they're barbarians an don't know
no better. Let's 90 to the saloon an
see if we can't strike some un fer Il
drink!;-Life.
The English call an elevator lift, !"
and the French call it q "help," while
the Scotch put in their oar by refer
ring to it as a''drop." It's all the same
thing, however-always out of order.
Detroit Free Press.
De Smith-Say, Travis, I've seen
you out with at least six different
girls within the last two weeks. Travis
Hang il, man, you have sharp eyes!
| am out with every one of them
Burlingto1a Free Press.
Douglas Jerrold was once asked by
an intolerable bore, who affected to be
a poet of the Milton school, whether
he had read his descent into Hell. =
mo, sir," responded the irate wit, ''but
should like to see PhjlGdei0hja
Call
A Baltimore man recently died
from the effect of eating several cakes
of yeast. He probably thought they
would make him rise in the world, and.
being such doughhead. it is strange
that they did not.-BjnghanatoW Re
publican.
The new Democratic paper in Chi
cago is to be called the Globe. This
will do, but it would have sounded
better to call it the Earth. There isn't
q man in Chicago who wouldn't take
the earth if he got chance.-Peori0
Transcript.
4 H., IL 81.
Shopman = Strong? Why, sir, last
week ] sold one to a gentleman as was
a. ankering after suicide, and e liked
it so much that e used it to 'ang ITSELF,
and it bore his weight beautiful. LION
don Globe.
Art-dealer-I can't see why YOU
should object to that picture of spring,
Mr.. Comstock. The figure certainly
is draped. Comstock-Yes; but it's a
glaring untruth. Where are her UNI
brelia and overshoee-to say nothing
of a chest-protector?- Judge.
They have q way out in Kansas of
bringing to time unruly members of
the Legislature Mr.. Funstan, mem
Der of the Committee on Agriculture
was late at a committee meeting, and
the Chairman fined him six cans of
CORN Commercial Adcertiser.
A square minister: After one or two
gentle efforts on the part of the col
lector to awaken Deacon Jones, the
minister said from the pulpit: Never
mind, Brother Layman, as Deacon
Jones has not heard the sermon, per-
haps it would not be right to expect
him to pay anything for it. "-EpOch.
Teacher-"Tm afraid, Miss Hopper,
that you will find difficulty in passing
YOUR final examination if YOU are abb