New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-01-08
NETWORK LIFE.
THE FAMILY DINNER.
SOME DOMESTIC OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES JxRoMEs

THE FAMILY DINNER.
SOME DOMESTIC ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS JkRoMEs
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES TAcTLrSs ETHEL.
rvcrv holiday has its seamy side. The glorious
rourt-~ Jies irm Dies Ilii"has terribly sonny
sIde-ho sdo OF tho little boy against which cannon
cracker has exploded, or . rocket, arfhiy Praying
possunl" suddenly gone of. Thanksgiving loans one 10
noralizo that whereas d Htho turkey may %
Dangerous thing. good deal of turkey IL one Oh mo
ssddcst things Of tongue or pen. And Christmas Dry
though dawnlng brightly with the prospect OF many
prrsents, ends In the Cmm@iln gloom Of tho Christ
mas Family Duner.
where the family Is lsrge-an English fnshion enjoy
ing popularity among the noble army OF ansomaniacs
who since Introduction have unearfhcd many nc"
relations in the primcval forests OF Harlem ana tho
brownstono wastes of Brooklyn-thc family dinner 10
comes solemn as the supper insenously recon-
mcnded BY old Capnet Mono Of tho merry paruoi-
pators regard 1t with that good will with which ira
dltion accrcds tho time The rich relations grunipio
fpr week ahead As Their giittcring carriage rolls
sumptuousy down tho snowy street AMI pausaS "f y"
instant in block of other Chris mas carriages inc
white glaro Of electric light falls IT. on that rao,'oh
of Cousin screnas charming disconnected face "ihch
peeps, dalnily naughty, over her high fur collar
and reveals her lips pointing Grossly, and nor h"o,
black eyebrows raised an they meet the yellow nun
ON her forehead Beside her, the smooth gcam oil
shirt tpsom showing with satiny ustrc from a pacA
depths Of unbnttonch ovcrcoat. and hnctua'Hg'
round rcd park expanding and decreasing In the gloom
With measured regularity betrays the presence oi
Cousin Frank, muttcring softly nn'sr his b'ona mus
aco the little permissible bad words OF good society
A pregnant silence in The air suggests that ncnhcr
Cousin Serena nor her lord harbor Christmas senii
mcnts-indccd as Cousin Frank, attracted BY charm
Ing actrcssy figure which fits pat CARING sno"
window with bcwitchInc silhouette effect OF high hceiS
slim waist and samcily tilted hat. leans forward ana
eazes with Frightening glance Cousin serena coughs
wril-bred cough which protests with equal meaning
against the smoke and the lady The children on inc
onnoste seat with their blond locks crimpcd and
their dangling black legs carefully disposed so as not
to crush mammals piled mp massei III train, arc III inc
state of silent excitement enjoyed by inc young ~ 'o
prospcct of unlimited Ice and champagne Their
eyes are already heavy. aud only the thought Oh iutro
gastronomic delights keeps them awake.
The relations from the by streets have come In
hacks. Mamma with her train over her arm, ana a
black Iare scarf twisted with savage tghtncss about
her head pauscs for paptating Instant her foot on
the carriage step, think II she has forgotten any
thing and suddenly papa In the laudabe occu
patton of trying his latch key, Of which he cntertans
suspicious with
"TIcre Frcd-I knew 1t my fan It's either on tho
bureau or in tho top drawer-or, walt as Papa,
patient man. disappears with sigh sOa ggressve that
It's only one remove from a groan now that
think Of IT, believe IT'S In a box the third shelf
Of the spare room cupboard turning to the
carriage Chldrcn-move mp. Arthur, get off tho
back seat Immediately, sirl"
A great scu1io cnsucs inside the carriage, elbows
and feet occasionally obtrude with unseemly violence
through tho open doorway, and cries issue forth
Arthur, yJu'ro ueadng my too oh, mamma
Philips jamming mo right up against the door,
c,I l.tsf
oh-sIammai All cry loudly, but evidently with
arduous effort. Arthur DO heard expostuatinS
icrccly from the gloom
Il didn't / didn't, mamma, so help me Thomas
Jefferson, didn't touch her old dress ~
Hes q sory-teller heard 1t rlp Oh, my best
dress - Crcsccndo walls demonstrating In the waller
an iron determination to be heard ptied and sooihcd
Mamr.a, In dos pair AMI with dramatic gesture:
Children, II you don't stop this quarrcng imme-
dlatcIy a, surely as stand upon this pavement I'll
leave YOU all at homc'
This deadly threat IS effective. The storm slowly
dies cut, with occasional cXpostuatory growls like tho
gradual subsding OF the VEINS motive In The Tam
hauSer7 overture. Mamma enters the carriage. Tho
four children tho opposite scat engage in silent,
but not tho less active warfare using their elbows
with deadly effect, under OF the darkness
gaging In amateur purring matches sport fraught
with fearful Int sf9st to the particpatos, who at any
moment may come In violent contact with the mater
nal shins. This catastrophe IS avertcd by the timely
appearance OF Papa, who hurting violently
down the steps with the fan In his hand
"ThOught I'd never get IT, he gasps. Bridget
found II IN the nursery cupboard"
Io tries to spring into the carriage, AMI knocks his
high hat of against the top Of the door; catches IT on
the back of his head with blow of such fcrOcily thai
it dents I'm the Then he calls the address to
the coachman gets In slowly shuts the door. The
carriage crcaks of over the crisp snow. Mamma.
who il burrOwing down among the children S feet,
hunting for rugs, SUDDENLY says IN quiet calm but
awful tone:
Helen, you haven't go your lessins on"
Helen. faced with her guilt. mutcrs mnelligently.
overcome with terror.
stop the carriage Papa says Mamma, in her spar
tan matroD voice which she only great
sons. You will have to return for lIcen's lesgns
do not wish her to die OF pneumonia
At such moments as these Mamma never abbrevatcs
lofty. grammatical and rhetorical clooucnce doscends
upon her, and solatcs her from mankind. 1t freezes
the childrens young blood. and papa has been
known to reco before II. Helen feels II she did
what proper and fitting under the crcumstanc
she would proceed to die of pneumonia with the utmost
Dispatch
Papa struggles with the door which refuses to open
and the carriage crcaks brskv out Into tho big
thoroughfarc. Papa wrestles with tho door with set
teeth. Suddenly It bursts open, and only the pres
OF mind OF Mamma. who selves him bv tho back
OF his coat prevents him from dcbouchng with undg
nfod haste the cobble stones Papa wells at tho
hackman and succeeds In ercctng an exit. As he
steps the curb tho Icy blast of winter WATTS small
but expressive word to the ears OF his family. The
children hwed gazed with round startled. eyes at
Mamma, half expecting some convnlson of nature-a
tidal earthquake. the heavens rolling up
like a scroll-w punish their nioutes.
and foot with their bronze slippers and pumps
party bags and pockets. The poor relations are I'm a
better humor than tho rich because they are not
above enjoying good dinner. though 1t be In tho
barren bosom of their own family. freshly trimmed
air about Cousin Jeromes Vandyks beard. and sug-