Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1888-03-04
A HUMORISTS ADVICE.
People who Try 10 Disguise Their Years-
The Beautiful Woman at H-Eev 70
Be Young Though old.
rror ,ao Observation-Disclosures, 1851


long enough grow old The longer You
live the older you grow. Some people
carefully disguise the fact, hut coat Of
paint on an old house merely makes 1t
look smart il doesn't keep Che rickety
old stairway from creaking, and it won't
straighten MP the winaoy-frame that's
gone little sSkew as the house
settles. You can--Or, at least, the
man from whom | bought my last
horse can--hx mp sn old horse OF seven
teen years 10 look like risky colt of
three or four. and 10 act II, too, for about
fifteen minutes. Bat II won't last. There
are times when q man who is waking
along that pleasant decade of ms pill
grimage between the iortieth ana hiheth
milcstoncs feels inspired to run, and
leap, and dance, and sing, and renew his
youth in various ways, but the spi.it Is
eyanescent. and the fashion OF 1t passeth
away. and he ssyeth "of laughter, 1t is
mad and Of mirth, What docth it?"
And he looketh upon "the men singers
snd women singers, and the delights OF
the sons of men," aud behold, all IS
vanity and vexation Of spirit, and there
But, saws beautiful woman, "your
tprea aching is only for men. Now !
frankly own to forty-one, and am not
ashamed OF it" (bless her she was
pretty girl in the class above me when
we went TO school in Peoria ] was eleven
and she was fourteen them; "and feel
inst ms Young to-day as | ever was. y
Away. slight womsn Go hang thy
tresses on tie back OF a chair. and soak
your pearly smiles in goblet. 1t IS 10
O'Clock get thee to bed, and save thy eyes
and spare thy wrinkles. There now. don't
CRY. dear old friend. Tears used to make
Your eyes swim in melting mists OF IL
quid tenderness when you cry now 1t
only makes your nose red. At our age,
too. when we weep, we are apt 10 snlii
and shuttle, and swallow audibly. It Is
pitiful, it is pathetic, hut 1t isn't pretty.
Oh. dear. no Dear Mrs. Strengthen
honor. go to bed don't SIT up for Prince
Lemuel. He is out with some girls who
are really and truly as young as his mo
Their lever was" thirty years ago, and
if he's in by ! o'clock. he'll call 1t early.
So will the girls.
But" say you, "cannOt one be
iyoung-hearted after forty? " Yea, be-
loved. after sixty or seventy. Down to
the davs OF white haired old age, the
heart may glow with tenderness, ana the
quiet warm of the June sunshine of years
ago stored away in its chambers as ages
ago the sun stored his heat and light
away in the forests Of the earth 10 dance
end CLEAN and glow again in merry
flames and summer warmth upon the
coal-fed hearths to-day. For this rea-
son, oh, nv Young hearers, rejoice in the
days of your youth, when the hight is
sweet and it is pleasant thing for
toe ewes to behold the sur; LET your
hesrts cheer you in these days OF sun
shine and nights of starlight, and Gre
move anger from thy heart, ana put
away evil from thy flesh. remembering
1.-THE DAYS OF darkness. for they shall be
many And the freight that will
come to glow upon the hearth and dance
iin warmth and tenderness upon the walls
OF your hearts chambers IA those days
will be the light you are storing away
now. BE happy and light-hcarted, then ;
,Iut be the house Of vour mirth rs pure
a. a temple, and your laughter sinless
as tho song of birds; IN al your mirth
and dancing, exalt wisdom and, indeed,
she shall bring thee to honor, and give 20
shine head an ornament OF grace then
shall the year OF thy life be many and
thv heart be ever voung.
But your physical man won't he ever
Young, oh. foolish nearer, aud your
thoughts won't be, and your tastes won't
. bel Ont on toe knock kHeed Old squad
who wearcth the raiment of the youth
ful dude. and will sect down his name
in the scroll of youth that is written
down old with all the characters OF age.
"Hsve yon not moist eye? dry
hand? yellow cheek? white beard :?
decreasing leg? an increasing belly :?
is not your voice broken ? Your wind
short? Your chin double ? Your wit
single ?" "And will You yet call your
self young? Fie, fe, fie, Sir John "
Don't tell us you feel as young as the
Youngest of EN-. Don't lie to us.
"How i'll white hairs become fool and
jester "
Why. brethren. You all know this fel-
low. He never wants to be with men Of
his own years. He crowds himself upon
the youngsters, and speaes of Gus boys.
He insists On making " he Of you on
Your tramps breaks down the first day
out, and breaks up the party by coaxing
one or two of the boys to come home
with him by train. He joins your hunt
ing party and catches the rheumatism in
every Joint Of his old body the first night
he sleeps in the woods. He insists on
going a-fshing with yoI, and, wrath of
Achilles how mad he is when he gets
ont He wiH play lawn-tennis. and q
sweet apparition he is in striped Jacket
and knickerbockers, especially If he be
quite fat, and particularly if he be rather
lean; and how like smoke he sulks if he
is beaten, as he usually is. And, oh
what fool he is about the girls. What
an old ass he is
There's another, not brother, in some
thirty years gone by you'd have known
her by the mcrriment that sparkled IN
her eye. She is the good sister who
"feels Just as young as ever she was. "
She's a kittenish thing. vet she'd be a
little more kiltcnish il she Was little
less elephantine. Frisky old girl, how
she does love TO climb INTO the swing at
,he picnic Weighs two hundred and
fifteen. and makes the swing creak like
hoisting-tackle. Higher, Mr.. Thin
shanks Higher Oh, higher You
can't friehten me I'm not one
OF the scary sort of girls. You
bet she isn't. Has six children,
and il you'll Just mistake her for
her eldest daughter sweet, slender
girl, with an oval face, Spirituele cx-
preston, and figure as graceful as a
swssibg lily-shen ask you to dinner
for week. Plays PUSSY Wants a
Corner" and Hunt the Slipper"
Loves TO "teeter." With an eighteen
foot board you have TO pull all but about
thirty inches over 10 your side Of the
trestle 10 make il balance. When The
board Is balanced right in the middle,
she eau fire the whole Young mems Bible
class up intO the air as though they bad
been fired from catapult When her eDd
OF the board bangs down on the ground it
saro oil - I,,I. % al. MI