Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1888-05-11
EYE on FARMING.
BIZ is Hade an Honorary Member Of a Farm
er's Club.

OF the Ashfeld farmers club of Ash
field, Mass, Mr. Z. D. Church, informs
me by United States mail that upon re-
ceipt of my favorable reply 1 VIII be
come an honorary member of that
club, along with George William Cur
tbs, Prof. Norton, Prof. Stanley Hall
of Harvard, and other wet-browed
toilers in the catnip infested domain of
agriculture.
I take this method of thanking the
Ashfield Farmers Club, through the
secretary, for the honor thus so all un-
worthiIy bestowed, and joyfuIly accept
the honorary membership, with the
understanding, however, that during
the county fair the solemn duty of de-
livering the annual address from the
judges stand, IN tones that viii not
only ring along down the corridors of
time but go laundering three times
around half-mile track and be heard
above the rhythmic plunk of the hired
man who is trying to ascertain, by
means of a large mawl and humping
machine, how hard he can strike, shall
fall upon Mr.. Curtis or other honorary
members of the club. I have a voice
that does very well to express endear-
ment, or other subdued emotions, but
it is not effective at a county fair.
Spectators see the wonderful play of
my features, but they only hear the low
refrain of the naughty CIydesdale steed
who has neighsal voice and wears his
tail in a Grecian coil. received $3.50
once for addressing a race track one
mile in length on The Use and Abuse
of Ensilage as Narcotic" 1 made the
gestures, but the sentiments were those
of the four ton PercherOn charger,
Little Medicine, dam Eloquent.
I spoke under a low shed and rather
! adverse circumstances. In talking
with the committee afterwards, as [
wrapped up my gestures and put them
back in the shawl strap, I said that /
/ felt almost ashamed to receive such a
price for the sentiments of others, but
they said that was all right. No one
! expected to hear an agricultural adj
/ dress. They claimed that it was most
! generally purely spectacular, and so
/ they regarded my speech as a great
success. 1 used the same gestures
afterwards in speaking of "The Great
! Falling Off Among Bareback Riders in
the Circuses of the Present Day"
would also like to be excused from
any duties as a judge of curly faced
stock or as umpire Of ornamental nee
dle-wOrk. After a person has had 6
fountain pen kicked endwise through
his chest by the animal to which he has
awarded the prize and later on has his
features worked up into a giblet pie by
the owner of the animal to whom he die
not award the prize, he does not ash
for public recognition at the hands 0.
his fellow citizens. It is the same IL
the matter of ornamental needlewOrI
and gaudy quilts, which gOad a man tC
drink and death. While am proud t.
belong to a farmers club, and change
works" with a hearty, WhOle-souleG
plowman like George William Curtis
hope that at all county fairs or Othe1
intellectual hand-tO-hand contests be
tween outdoor orators and other do
nestle animals I may be excused, and
that when judges Of infiamed slumbel
robes and restless tides, which roll uE
and fall over the floor or adhere to tn,
backs of innocent people; or stiff, hare
any way enhance the Joys of sleep; o.
beautiful pale blue satin pin cushions
which it would be wicked to put PHI
in and which viii therefore ever ant
forevermOre mock the man who reall.
wants pin, Just as a beautiful mattel
safe stands idly through the long Wis
ions Of the year, only to laugh at tn
man who staggers toward it and fall
up against it and finds it empty; o
like the glorious ink stand which is s
, pretty and so fragile that 1t stand
around with its hands In its pocket
acquiring dust and dead flies for Ger
turies, so that when you are IN hurr
you stick your pen into a small cham
Z Der of hOrrors-I say, when the judge
are selected for this department wOul
rather have my name omitted from tn
: panel, as 1 have reasonable doubts an
conscientious scruples which it wOul
: require testimony to remove; and I al
/ not qualified anyway, and I have bee
already placed in jeopardy once, an
that is enough.
Mr.. Church writes that the club Ia
taken up, discussed, and settled a
points of importance bearing upon ayr
culture, from the tariff up to the queS
! ton of whether or not turpentin
poured IN COWS ear ameiIOraGeS Gh
pangs of hollow horn. He desires sue
gestiOns and questions of discussion
e That shows the club to be thorough
= active. 1t viii soon be spring, and "
~ cannot then discuss these natter
, New responsibilities viii be day by da
l IN the way of stock, and we VIII hay
to think of names for them. Would
not be well before the time comes f
active farm work to think out a Ion
q list of names before the little stranger
$3.50 NoEEirn- aa--zaa 70 Iorrar Ne