davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

civility or chilling Indifference had
better beware. The time may come
when their positions may be reversed.
"See here, Jinks," said one of these
arrogant millionaires one day to a
ninety-pound ribbon counter clerk,
"you want to attend to your business
better, young man, and not waste so
much of your time flirting with that
red headed underwear girl across the
aisle, mind that"
Enraged and humiliated the down.
trodden ribbon counter serf vows and
seeks revenge. His time comes soon,
aye, that very night
The purse-proud, cold-blooded mer-
chant prince goes to the theater. He
buys an admission ticket and stands
up, being of an economical turn of
mind.
"Let me pass, sir" says a calm,
cold voice at his side. He looks
down and beholds the ribbon counter
clerk in the magnifcence of full dress
with the underwear girl in flowing
robes and sixteen button kids hang
ing to his, the eyes of the men meet,
but there is no sign Of recognition on
the part of the ribbon counter clerk,
only cold naughty, fixed stare as he
passed proudly on to the SO seats re-
served for him and the underwear
girl, while the snubbed and humiliat-
ad merchant prince stands on in the
midst Of his own bitter reflections
Elk.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30
o. L. MATHEWS,
L. =. PENSION ATTORNEY,
ANN ARROR. MICHIGAN.

Thousands Of soldiers or their widows or depend
ent relatives are entitled TO pension increase Of
pension, bounty, travel pay or other allowance
can get pensions, regardless Of age now. Hundreds
of dependent parents are entitled to pension.
Many of those claims have been rejected in the
hands of incompetent agents. 1 can in many Of
such claims procure favorable result Thousands
of soldiers pensoned on one disability and are
entitled TO increase on another, or are rated too
low OF are entitled TO increase en- result Of disbl-
jty upon which claim was granted The lswt are
now more liberal and the rulings Of the pensios
past few months succeeded in getting % per cent.
of increase claims allowed by actual count. This
shows good, careful work About eight soldiers
out of ten are entitled 10 pension o. other slew-
ance No matter what your claim II, write me ful-
ly about IT, with stamp fer reply, and will advise
you free. IL / take your claim no fee is charged
unless am successful, and then just what the de-
o. L. MATTHEWS,
$50 Ann krbor, hish
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

Butcher-What can / send you up
to-day, Mrs. Styles?
Mrs. Styles-Sepd me leg of NUT
ton, and be sure that it is from a
black sheep.
A b lack sheep?
Yes; we are in mourning, you
know.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

The cold, naughty, purse-proud
merchant prince who treats his rib
bon counter gentleman and gentle
mems underwear salesladies with mere
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

Brown-Does your wife keep her
temper very well?
Jones-Um-um-er some, but /
get the most of it.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

Spring is inaptly named. 1t should
have been called Crawl to signify its
manner of ushering ink.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

Badness Cards, one year. ons dollar per line.
Local notices, among local reading matter, ten
tents per linz for eaeh insertion. A
business notices nve cents per line each insertion
Births, Marriages and Deaths free.
Obituaries. Resolutions, Cards Of Thanks, etc,
at Aiycrtisins rates.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

A young lady has named one of her
admirers Hoosac Tunnel because he
is such an everlasting bore.-Warren
Mirror.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

"Don't call me 'Ducky,' John" "
said fat bride to her husband. at
is too suggestive"
"Why, precious?"
Because ducks always waddle, you
know Hotel Mail.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

She-Darling, do you love me?
He kissing her rapturously and re-
peatedly]-Do /? | wish you were a
two-headed girl. That's all | can
say !-Tid-Bits.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

Meeting Jim Webster, Uncle Nose
could not help being astonisbed at the
magnificent pants Of Jim.
Oats a mighty fine pair OBJ pants
for sich a pore niggah as you am to
be a wearin'."
YES, dey's gorgus, an no mistake
"How much mout dey cost yer, an
whar did yer git 'em 7"
"Dey mout cost me two years in de
Penitenshiery ef | tole. Texas Sift,
ings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

A man who was about to be hang
ed in Alabama sang: "Oh, the Bright
Angels are Waiting For Me-" Where
upon the local editor wrote, "And
the angels stirred up the fire and
looked brighter. ."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

Many man gets caught in the
matrimonial knot who regrets that he
monkeyed with the lass-so.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

Simple politeness-A bough of n
tree.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30
DObbin'S Electric Soap.
READ THIS TWICE.

THERE is a great saving of time, of labor, Of
soap, OF fuel, and OF the fabric, where Dobbins'
Electric Soap is used according 10 directions.
ONE trial will demon state its great merit. IL
will pay you to make the trial.
Like all best things, IL is extensively initiated
and counterfeited.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

Full of airs-a music book.-Star
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

Out on the Ay-the spider Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

|, MICH, WEDNES]
WIT AND HUM0R
The out-field-Cyrus W.-Ex.
Out on the hy-the spider Elk.
Full Of airs-a music book.-Star,
Simple pOliteness-A bough of a
tree.-Ex.
Spring is inaptly named. 1t should
have been called Crawl to signify its
of ushering ink.
Many a man gets caught in the
knot who regrets that he
with the lass-so.-Ex.
A young lady has named one of hel
admirers Hoosac Tunnel because be
is such an everlasting bore.-Warren
Mirror.
Brown-Does your wife keep hel
temper very we'll?
Jones-Um-um-er some, but ]
get the most of it.-Ex.
She-Darling, do you love me?
He kissing her rapturously and re
peatedly]-Do /? | wish you were 9
two-headed girl. That's all | car
say !-Tid-Bits.
"Don't call me Ducky,' John,
said fat bride to her husband. at
is too suggestive"
"Why, precious p
Because ducks always waddle, you
now."-Hotel Mail.
A man who was about to be hang
ed in Alabama sang: "Oh, the Bright
Angels are Waiting For Me-" Where
upon the local editor wrote, "Anc
the angels stirred up the fire anc
looked brighter. ."-Ex.
Hi, didn' | tell We the blarsteC
Hammericans were afraid of the Ge
nesta p
Eyes, but"
"Well, then, 'ere's a telegram a
says the Puritan ran right away from
'er, we know" ."-Ex.
Mr.. Gotham-Would you like t.
see "Pygmallon" tonight, Miss Por
cine!
Miss Porcine-Yes, very much
Mr.. Gotham. | believe in encourag
ing anything connected with the grea
hog industry.-Puck.
Guest to landlord Are you sur,
landlord, that this is a spring chicken
Landlord-Yes, sir. That CHECKER
is from my own farm it was born il
March,
Guest-Oh, that explains it. Yol
know March is a tough month. h.-Ex
"Is that all that you can give me
ma'am," pleaded the tramp, ga dip
perful of water ?"
"Why, no, certainly not" replied
the woman with big heart; "yol
can have as many dipperfuls as yol
like" New York Sun.
Biggs-Look at me, look at my eye
/ sayl and see what your much vaunt
ed higher education of women hal
done for me
Fogg-You don't mean to say i
has swelled your head like that?
Yes, / do; my wife has been tax
ing boxing lessons.-Ex.
Pretty Creature esterday wa
my birthday, dear; and my Charli,
gave me string of such beautiful
pearls-one for every year.
Second ditto who has failed to Sc
cure Charlie]-How sweet, dearest
What an expensive present-such 1
long string, dear.-Fun.
McQuillen-Do you know, Curtis
that Miss Penn is the most modes
girl ever met,
Curtis-I didn't know it; but In
willing to take your word for it.
McQuillen-Well, you may. Why
she is so modest that she even retire
to another room to change her mind
-Ex.
Friend-Was your uncle's will sat
isfactory to you Brown?
Brown-Perfectly so; I'm luck,
dog He left his entire fortune to al
insane asylum.
You mean that you are an unluck,
dog.
No, | don't; the other relations ar
going to contest the will and I'm t
be the attorney.-Life.
"i think" said the minister, VIII,
was visiting parishoner, that it j
easier to coax children than to driv
them. Gentle words are more effec
tive than harsh ones.'
II think so too," said the lady tend
erly. Then she raised her windo,
n
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30
Beware Of limitations.

INSIST upon DObbins' Electric. Don't TAX
Magnetic, Electro Magic, Philadelphia Electric, o
any other fraud, simply because it Is cheap The,
will ruin clothes, and dear at any price. Ask 70
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30
Ar. Bay City.

sDaily. All other trains daily except Sunday.
Parlor cars day trains. Sleeping cars night
}. WHITING, Ticket Agent.
ow RUGGLEs, q. p. & T. Agt.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30
WIT AND HUMOR

The out-field-Cyrus W.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

Mr.. Gotham-Would you like to
see "Pygmallon" tonight, Miss Por.
cine!
Miss Porcine-Yes, very much,
Mr.. Gotham. | believe in encourag.
ing anything connected with the great
hog industry.-Puck.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

"Well, then, 'ere's telegram as
says the Puritan ran right away from
'er, We know."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30
DOBBINS' ELECTRIC

and take no other Nearly every grocer from
Maine TO Mexico keeps IL in stock. IL yours hasn't
it he will order IL from his nearest wholesale
bar, and be careful to follow directions on each
outside wrapper. You cannot afford TO wait long
er before try ny for yourself this old, reliable,
and truly wonderful
DObhins' EleCtric SOap.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

Hi, didn' tell ye the blarsted
Hammericans were afraid of the Ge-
nesta p
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

"i think" said the minister, who
was visiting parishoner, that il is
easier to coax children than to drive
them. Gentle words are more effec-
tive than harsh ones"
81 think so too," said the lady tend
erly. Then she raised her window
and suddenly shouted:
Johnnie, if you don't come in out
Of that mud-puddle I'll break your
back l"-Columbus Dispatch.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

Guest to landlord]-ArO you sure
landlord, that this is spring chickeni
Landlord-Yes, sir. That chicken
is from my own farm it was born in
March,
Guest-Oh, that explains it. You
know March is tough month.-Ex
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

Biggs-Look at me, look at my eye
! sayl and see what your much vaunt-
ed higher education Of women has
done for me?
Fogg-You don't mean to say il
has swelled your head like that ?
Yes, / do; my wife has been tax.
ing boxing lessons.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

McQuillen-Do you know, Curtis
that Miss Penn is the most modest
girl ] ever met,
Curtis-I didn't know it; but I'm
willing to take your word for it.
McQuillen-Well, you may. Why,
she is so modest that she even retires
to another room to change her mind
-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30


Friend-Was your uncle's will sat
isfactory to you Brown?
Brown-Perfectly so; I'm a lucky
dog He left his entire fortune to an
insane asylum.
You mean that you are an unlucky
dog.
No, don't; the other relations are
going to contest the will and Pm to
be the attorney.-Life.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-30

Pretty Creature--Yesterday wa.
my birthday, dear; and my Charlie
gave me string of such beautiful
pearls-one for every year.
Second ditto who has failed to Sc.
cure Charlie]-How sweet, dearest
What an expensive present-such q
long string, dear.-Fun.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1888-05-30
Presbyterians North and South.

PHILADELPHIA, May 26. The special
committee to which was referred all mat
ters relating to treating with the southern
assembly reported to the Presbyterian
general assembly this morning, The re-
port expresses hearty approval Of the &C
ton. The committee that approved OF
the action was the committee appointed
last year to confer with the committee
from the southern assembly, and further
more expressed the hope that the frater-
nizing spirit that had been manifested in
these centennial days might prove the be-
ginning of an era of more cordial fellow
ship and cooperation between the two
assemblies. 1t was recommended that
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1888-05-30
Senate Business.

WASHINGTON, May 27.-The bills for the
admission of North Dakota, Montana and
Washington territories are the special or
ders on the senate calendar for the COM
ing week The Indian appropriation bill
will probably be called up Monday or
Tuesday and will consume day or more,
and the river and harbor bill, which will
be reported tomorrow, may be called up
before the end of the week. The fisheries
treaty remains matter of dispute in the
senate and promises to displace special
orders and all other business except ap-
preparation bills until it is acted upon.
The course of events, however, depends
largely upon the action of the democrats
in the caucus to be held tomorrow morn
ing. They have the power to delay action
indefinitely upon the motion to consider
the treaty with open doors, which is the
pending question.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1888-05-30
Beating the Manitoba.

At various and sundry times within the
past few weeks we have noticed standing
upon the street corners collections of
strangers whose personal appearance rep
resented the laboring class, some Of whom
would come In on one train and leave on
the next, while others would remain long
enough to map out new route and then
skip out. Noticing one of this class yes
terday evening, we asked him where he
was from and what brought him to Ben
ton. "The Manitoba" he replied, 1and I
am looking for work. I was hired to
work on the Manitoba through the Labor.
Exchange Of St. Paul, and given pass to
the neighborhood of Williston; but when
| reached that point concluded that I
did not want any truck with the Manito-
ba, and, having few dollars paid my fare
here. He moreover informed us that
this is an old dodge and that many are
ahead as we'll as behind him who have
and will continue to play the same game
as means OF getting west over the road.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1888-05-30
DR.. Newman Elected Bishop.

New YORK, May 24.-Dr. Newman re-
ceived 800 votes for the fourth bishop, 292
being necessary for choice. The an
nouncement of his election was raeeiyed
with wild applause. DR.. Gocdsell was
elected the fifth bishop on the 10th ballot
by vote of 800. During the counting Of
the ballots the question Of establishing a
new Sunday school paper and the adyisa-
bility of appointing missionary bishop
for India were discussed. The report of
the committee on book concerns present
ed report recommending that the maya
zine "The Study be suspended.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1888-05-30
The Helena Sn1elter.

We are very happy to be able to an
nounce that the smelling works SO much
talked about of late, is an assured fact,
and what is of more Importance to Hele-
ma, will be built at once within six miles
Of the city. Ex-Governor S. {. Hauser
left for New York and Chicago last Mon
day evening (21sD in the. interest Of the
smelling company to close up all business
in the east concerning it.
The company is stocked for S5,OOO,OO0
with apald up cash capital Of S1,OOO,O0O.
The sum Of 100000 was asked to be sub
scribed by the citizens Of Helena, which
was very readily obtained, and there was
plenty more offered which can be had il
wanted. The location of the smelter has
not yet been made public, and probably
will not be until the return Of Gov. Hau-
ser, when the board of directors will de-
termine upon the slte.-Helena Mining
Review.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1888-05-30
WON'T HAVE 1T.
A Boom is a Bad Thing.

Paris Gibson, Great Falls-It is mis-
take when it is said that Great Falls has
a boom. 1t has no such thing. The town
is one with future, and what we want is
healthy growth for it. We can't get this
by process of booms. Any one with an
eye to the future of town can look at
Great Falls and observe it's situation, it's
river front and its magnificent water
power and can tell that it is destined to be
manufacturing and commercial centre,
to be a great city.-Interview in Helena
Independent 24th inst.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1888-05-30
war Among the Butte Republicans.

BUTTE, May 25. The first official act Of
Mayor Hamilton has thoroughly disgusted
the republican party leaders in this
city. Ex-City Physician Hough condemn
ed the water supply some time ago, which
was used as the only issue during the
city campaign. The republicans gained
their victory on it and the leaders intend
ed to have DIR. Hough, Notwithstanding
he is democrat, re-appointed as an evi-
dence that his statements were believed
by the Butte people. At the meeting OF
the council Hough and DR.. Leayitt were
voted on and the result was tie. Mayor
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1888-05-30
HELENA's GREAT SHELTER.
Articles of Incorporation Filed and Trustees
Elected.

HELENA, May 25.-Articles of incorpora-
ton for the Helena Smelling Co., will be
filed to-day with territorial secretary.
Nine trustees have been chosen to manage
the affairs Of the institution. The trus-
tees are S. I. Hauser, J. T. Murphy, Q. r.
Allen, A. J. Davidson, A. J. Seligman, FL.
M. Parchen and A. NJ Halter, all of Hell
ena, and r. r. Rossiter and J. L. Hobor
mon, Of New York. The success of the
enterprise is assured. AS soon as all nee
cessary papers are made out the election
of officers will occur, and site will be
selected for the works. A number of
locations, all suitable, are under consider
alton, but no place has been chosen.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1888-05-30
Looks Blue for Statehood.

WASHINGTON, May 25.- The North Da-
kota, Washington and Montana admission
bills are just where they were on the SEN
ate calendar. The fisheries bill laid them
out yesterday, and another secret session
to-day sent them over until next week.
1t is stated now that the senate will make
an omnibus bill out of the Montana and
North Dakota bills and send it over to the
house. This will be done to prevent the
democrats from taking up and passing
the Montana bill separately. "It looks
pretty blue for all OF us" said Delegate
Toole.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1888-05-30

and definitely states that the act provides
two ways of meeting these obligations,
one the payment in bonds and the other
the payment in warrants. Our commits
sioners having choice between the two,
chose the former method and at their f1rst
regular meeting made provision for the
issuance of the necessary bonds and IN
structed the public printer for the county
to provide the blank bonds required, thus
performing their duty fully SO far as these
obligations are concerned. In the face OF
this action, now sustained by the court,
the commissioners of Choteau county
brought this unnecessary suit, one OF the
objects being doubtless to injure the cred
it of Cascade county. To further this
cause the RIVER PRESS Of Fort Benton
kent up a constant fire" in the same di-
rection and such local hide bound papers
as the Helena Independent gave liberal
space to these attacks upon Cascade coun-
ty. But the decision of the court as print
ed ia full above, completely disarms them
and fully iustifes Cascade county and her
officers in the action taken.
How does the above sound new when
the public has come fully to understand
that Judge Bach rendered no such decis-
ion, and that there IS not prominent
lawyer in the territory who would risk his
reputation by saying publicly, IN card
over his signature, that Cascade county
can compel Choteau to take bonds in pay
ment Of her debt. Choteau county de-
manded warrants instead of bonds and
she won the point before the court Judge
Bach said to County Attorney McIntire,
Of Choteau, in open court, when Mr.. M
commenced his argument on that point
THE court agrees with the county attor-
ney of Choteau that Cascade cannot COM
pei Choteau county to accept bonds in
payment, and there is no need Of arguing
that point"
Now we submit that Choteau county is
clearly winner of the point for which she
contended; and as other papers in the
territory through the misconstructions
and Misrepresentation of the Tribune,
have stated that Choteau lost her point
we would be glad if they would take oc-
casion to say that Choteau county was
correct in her position. and that she aciI
not haze to t0ke bonds.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1888-05-30
Tacsott Found Again.

MILWAUKEE, May 27.-The Herald will
publish tomorrow on account of the
probable Identification of W. B. Tascott
the murderer of A. G. Smell. The body Of
a young man shot in the abdomen was
found in the lake last Tuesday and IT is
reported by the Herald to-day that the
body found answers the description Of
Taseott. Yesterday several fishermen at
Waukegan found bottle containing in
formation that Tascott contemplated
suicide and his body would be found in
Milwaukee.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1888-05-30
A SIM me1ter for Castle.

CASTLE, M, T., May 24.-T. S. Ash, treas
urer of the Cumberland company, came
in from Livingston Sunday to lay before
the citizens proposition to build smelt-
er here. He has arrangements all made
to order $4,000 smelter on condition
that the citizens raise $1,000 as bonus.
The amount will be raised by our resi-
dents and in a few weeks the smelter
plant will be on the ground.
F. S. Hensley has thrown open forty
acres in town lots for settlement adjoining
the toWnsite Of Castle.
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1888-05-30
Rain storms and Floods--Great Damage.

CHICAGO, May 28.-An almost unprece-
dented water fall was reported yesterday
throughout the west. At Quincy, Ill,
two and one-eighth inches fell in less than
four hours greatly discouraging people in
the flooded districts. Great damage was
done by hail, wind and lightning in the
territory extending from Indiana to Ne
braska. Many streams are over their
banks, and waterspout which broke in
the northwestern part of Dawes county,
Nebraska, submerged five miles of track
on the T. E. & Missouri valley railway
and washed away numerous bridges. The
damage along White and Lone Tree rivers
was very great, while the rivers rose six
teen feet in forty minutes. Farmers had
to abandon their homes, many of which
were washed away. No loss OF. life is yet
roDorted
The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1888-05-30
Result of a Fight.

CASTLE, May 24.-J. FL. Harrot, butch
er here, and Pete Robinson, saloon keep
er, got into an alteration over game Of
cards short time since. Robinson pull
ed his six shooter and Harrot struck him
over the head with chair, knocking him
insensible in which condition he lay for
some time, but recovered SO as to 60 to
Livingston. The report is that erysipelas
has set in and he is unconscious and not
expected to live.