Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-07-05
CARL DUNDER.
he Makes a Few Sayings.

| q
| Detroit Free Press.
| Der possession of an eight-day clock
seems to make some folks forget dot dare
vhas an eternity ahead.
| When man shumps up Und waves
| his arms ind cries ash load as he can,
! dot vhas not argument. Dot Who's
some wind which makes up der lack of
| argument.
| If I hat bird in my hand I vhas all
right for quail on toast. If dot bird 7has
| in some bushes, maybe [ doan' catch him
! in two weeks.
! One off der troubles mid some mems
vhas der difference in opinion. No one
| else but DER selves beliefs day vhas so
| VERY shmart, und SO der pOoblic yeas de-
clared ungreatful.
! Somep0dy says 10 me dot riches hat
wings. So has goose, ind yet nopody
! goes back on goose on that account.
If I like a man I wish hs would keep
evhey from me. If I shnell onions NIT
der breath of United States Senator he
| Vhas gone COP shast so queek as If ne
vhas only q constable.
We must all bend a IeedIe to puoIic
opinion. Dot vhas der reason I haf my
bottled beer come into der house by way
of der ally.
know some families dot should be-
lief vhas next door to Heaven If day
would only keep their windows down when
Gay quarrel.
When you tsH me how we can make
some buildings CT Canada thistles, shall
tell you how some good can come from e
loafer.
It vbas surprising how much easier it
vhas to forg1f man who has done YOU
real injury dan one who wrongs you IN
Intentionally or one you hat wronged
yourself.
like leedle shildren, aud so / like cab
bages. If shildren kept in their places
like cabbages [ belief I like 'em der
best.
When yea find friend who vhas ready
to listen to all your household troubles
ind advise nit you, you aaf made Ger
worst emeny Of your life. If Mrs. Dunder
pulls ply hair doan' let somepody know
If die for it,
You dOan' know how selfish der pooblic
vha5 urd how leedle peoples tights vhas
res pected until you see me drive oudt
some Secondary nit my horse und wagon.
Il vhas all right if I shtop in der middle
Of der road; it yhas all wrong if eafery-
pody else doan' keep Ply der right und let
me pass.
I know of some felIers who set out
twenty years ago to find perfect weather,
good peoples and a soft job NIT big pay,
und I notice dot dey get poorer each
year.
Some times doan' say nothings, und
eaferpody goes AWAY ind declares vhas
so wise dot / should be made President.
Sometimes, again, ( shpeak oudt my
mind, ind if she doan' agree NIT der
crowd eaferypody goes AWAY und says
vhas fool.
Eei-Skin Bodices
Table Talk
It has coma at last; it has been on the
way ever since the very tight sleeves and
snug-fitting bedices engrossed the femin-
Inc fancy. A patent has been taken out
By on enterprising clothier for a garm
ent that fits the figure, literally like the
paper On the wall. The measurements
are taken with accuracy, and the novelty
is in the shape Of the the seams, which
are so made as to dispense with all yes
tige Of a wrinkle. These eel skin bodices
are worn with riding habits, and so as to
get every cprve and motion, the lady is
fitted seated upon an imitation horse, as
Stunning precisely the position she would
on real steed.
Modern Devotion
Judge.
Mrs. Friendly sympethetically)- am
so saddened to see you in this garb of
deep mourning. Yours was indeed a
heartrending loss.
Mrs. De P0gg (pathetically)-Ah yes!
My precious Famine died IN these arms
after suffering tortures for three whole
days from the most violent commissions.
I never once left her cushion.
Mrs. Friendly (surprisedly And your
little daughter, who was so i'll with scarlet
fever?
Mrs. De Pugg (indifferentIy)-Oh, she
got we'll.