The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1888-06-30
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

TON0GN FAHAGHAPHS.
Fortunately for the self esteem o
the rest of mankind, doctors are no
half as wise as they look. -Il1dianap0E
Journal
Most women don't care a rap about
going to the polls to vote so long as
they have the privilege of casting the
decisive ballot at SomerUiHc
Journal
-Edison's agent-"Wouldn't you
like to buy a monograph? 1t will store
up everything you say and repeat it to
you. Want one?" Omaha man-"No;
got wife. "-Omaha World.
First ald-hoad-'That's a beau
tiful piece the orchestra is playing. "
Second bald-head-''Ah, it is one that
will always haunt me-" "Why?" 1T
is the only one my daughter knows. -
Ne10 Hare1a NelOs.
English railway trains run with
greater speed than those of the United
States, but they ought to. The farm
ers' daughters don't come out to the
gate to tiirt with the drummers.-De-
trou Free Press.
Ethel, weeping-"I am so disap-
pointed in him. am sure he was tipsy
last night-he threatened to kiss me. -
May-"Well, there's no knowing what
men won't do when they're drunk. -
Life.
There are 320,00 species of insects
in the world, and how on earth drum
mer can have the face to come down
stairs in the morning and jump on the
landlord about one particular species is
a cOnundrum.-Det Free Press.
When you reflect that at picnics
one hundred years ago it was the Gus
tom for the girls to stand up in a row
and let the men kiss them all good-bv,
all the enthusiasm about national prog
ress seem to be grave mistake
Scranton Truth.
He Ga pessimist)-'Yes, mankind
has greatly degenerated, particularly
in wit and beauty. I'm going to write
book on the subject" She-'I should
advise You to lecture; your appearance
would lend such force to your argument,
you llnow."-IoWn Topics.
Old man-''My boy, 1 have made
a success of my life, and owe it to the
principle taught me when | first went
out into the world to earn my own liv-
ing" Young man-'What was the
principle?' BE slow and sure"
What did you do when you first went
out to work?" Il was a telegraph
messenger. st PcM Globe.
1t was in Boston private school
of fashionable repute, and the class of
young ladies who had been studying
the history and the Constitution of the
United States were under examination.
GLOW is the law made ?" said the in
structor. 60" said a tailor-made
damsel, cheerfully, 1.-The Senate has to
ratify it, and then the President has to
veto it n'-BOSton Beacon.
THE bulk of my fortune I wish to
bequeath to my scapegrace nephew
'SOISS, Stllu tLS ny my HAIL w ny,
it was only yesterday that he called
you an old skinhint," said the lawyer
I'D cut the boy Off" That's all
right" replied the testator. you
make the will out the way l tell you.
l know enough about wills to know
that if | leave him all the money he
won't get cent Of Wallpapers b.
gar.
Minister'S wife (whose husband is
short of sermon): Here is an old
one, dear, that you preached several
years ago, before you accepted your
present call; why not use that P"
Minister: What is the text ?" Minis
ter's wife: Its about the camel and
the eye of a needle" Minister: That
wouldn't do at all. Don't you know
that preach to two hundred million
dollar congregation every Sunday
morning?"