Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1888-10-12
TRIPLES LIGHT AS AIR.

LII IS tllft trial to a man when the
festive Indian leplives him of his scalp
lock.
TEAcHER-What is velocity? Boy
Velocity is what a man puts down hot
plate with.
SBE-What does Nj. ID. stand for?
He - Miserable doctor, generally
1oacs Topics.
= DESIRE to remain incog.,' the
granger remarked when he was caught
IN the wheels of a threshing machine.
POKER is said to be fashionable in
Saratoga. Saratoga chips are found on
many New York tables also.-Yo,tkers
Statesman.
UNFLAaGINs zeal was shown by the
builders of the Springfield avenue cable
road when they tore up the crosswalks.
-ETcha,ege.
You will often find some of the poor
est poultry on the top round. And
chickens are not unlike men in this re-
pect.-DasSaeth Photographer.
A VESSEL resembles a prisoner when
she is put in the dock. witness when
she is bound to a-pier, and Judge when
she makes her trial trip.--Occa,s.
WoN'r some sad-eyed paragrapher
please arise and remark that the frater-
nifty OF bakers are the most successful
loafers known to mankind?
EVERY time Midland train stops on
the crossing near the postoffice it resem-
bles half barrel of -four, because both
make about q hundred wait.-O,.a,ege
Observer.
DEACON SALISBURY was happy in
deed--good old man! when he was told
that his grand-daughters had gone to
the revival. Their mother did not in
form him though, that it was q revival
"Pinafore"
INDIGNANT Cabby (holding in his
palm q trade dollar which he has just
received from his fare)-Here, Cap'n,
wot dyer call dis? Fare-Heads. And
heads it is, by CAD! Grabs it and es-
capes. life.
AMBITIOUS Mnsician-l have fame at
last in my grasp. Flow 500" you
know that Memberships wedding
march helped amazingly in making his
fame" Well, what of it?' 81 shall
write divorce march. "-Lj,acoln .Joe.,.
71Gf.
INDIGNANT stenographer, to importu-
nate collector-Why, great Scott. man.
You told me when bought it that the
typewriter would pay for itself in three
months. Ii it hasn't done it you can't
come onto me for it. can't pay for it
in six years in my business.-Ba.fdette.
NELL1E-Papa, cannot imagine how
the merchant made such an error.
what error, clnld?" II ordered ten
| yards Of cloth, and here he has sent up
couple Of handkerchiefs." "Perhapa
he Thought You wanted the material for
o bathing suit. "-Lil1col1t Journal. ].
WOMAN Ito tramp)-If 1 give you
nice dinner will you help me put up
some patent self-rolling window cur
tains? Tramp-No, ma'am. I'll saw
wood, carry in coal, or dig postholes,
but l wouldn't help a woman ON window
curtains if she gave me Delmonico.
| spread.-Netc YORK. .S,ut.
| IRRIrATED Frenchman Ito American,
who has taken him for u waiter)--Sir-r,
you hat gr-r-r-ossly insulted me. There
is my card. My seconds Will Wait upon
| you, sir-r-r. American-Never mind
your seconds, Frenchy. You can wait
upon me just as we'll. Pass me the
Worcester sance, and be quick about
it,"
| liz was d man" said Mrs. Shuttle
to her patient job, Il would put stop
| to great deal OF the wickedness in this
world" "How would you so to work to
do it, my dear" I'D shut up all the
bad places, every one Of them. (which
would you take tirst?" ~Why-why-
| Td-yes, I'd shut up the first millinery
store that didn't get my bonnet done in
time. "-HdrtfO1W Post,
| SPECIALLY JIM.
| was mighty good lookin' when was young,
| Peart an black-eyed an Slim,
| With fellers a-courtin' me Sunday nights,
| Specially Jim.
| The likeliest one of 'em all, WIS he,
Clipper an hans an trim;
But tossed up my head an made fun O. tho
crowd,
Specially jim
l said hadn't no pinion o men,
An wouldn't take stock in him!
But they KEEP on a-comin' in spite O my talk,
Specially Jim.
got SO tired O. hayin eln round.
Specially jim!
made up my mind ia settle down
An take up with him.
So we WIS married one Sunday in church;
Twas crowded full to the brm;
Twas the only way to get rid of EN- ALL
Specially Jim.
NO USE EON HER.
She was u poor creature with Il weird
look on her face and threadbare shawl
thrown over her shoulders She went