Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1888-12-20
MTT AND HEAS0N.

:
LAzlNEss i the mother 81 pernicious
inactivity
The cream Of ta-ta il the good bye
kiss. astoria (Oregoaa) Transcript.
"a NEEDLEwoMAN's society has been
appropriately named the Sew-row-sis.
Boston Gazette.
IT is an odd fact that coal beds are
furnished with petroleum springs
Dyake's Magazine.
THE first moonlight excursion oc-
| Cured when the COW jumped over the
moon. - Yoaake7,s Statesman.
A SALT Goldfish breakfast and a rubber
overcoat will keep man dry through a
long storm. Gloucester. Advertiser.
THERE is no greater mistake than
! that made by the man who is selfshly
seeking any kind OF happiness at the ex-
| pense Of others.
OLD Lady Tin shoe store Have yon
felt slippers? Small Boy Clerk (sol-
emily Yes, ma'am, many time.
Terre Hdatte EaDress.
SHARP What is the strongest day Of
the week, Ketchum? Ketchum {who
is not on the eve Of bankruptcy Fri
day, I suppose. SharpNo. Sunday;
all the others are week days. See?-
Detroit Free Press.
A CHEERFUL temper joined with inno-
cence will make beauty attractive,
knowledge delightful, and wit good
nattlred It will tighten sickness,
poverty, and affection, and render de-
| forlnity itself agreeable
IT is said that counterfeit American
| bills are circulating in Canada. We
didn't know about the Bills, but the
American Dicks, Toms, and Harrys cir
culating there are not counterfeit.
Washington Post.
The annual consumption Of feathers
! in this country is 5000, 900 pounds, but
it is hard to believe it when you are try
ing to balance your head on what they
call the pillow in Wagner sleeping
car.-SomerUiLe Journal.
1T was the policy of good old gentle
man to make his children feel that home
was the happiest place in the world;
and I value this delicious home feeling
as one of the choicest gifts parent can
bestow. - Washington I'vi1lg.
GEoRGE-Y You look glum. Is your
lady-love tickle? Augustus No; but
her father is unkind. I called last
night and he showed me- "Eh?
He showed you the door," "No; her
millinery bills. y Philadelphia Record.
"GIMdE some American champagne.
My tastes are domestic every time,
said Arrowsmith Il noticed that" re-
torted Mr.. Bumfnger. when you
were at my house you spent Your time
flirting with the domestics. '-Neao York
Sun.
THERE are two ways (says Franklin)
of being happy-we may either dimin-
ish our wants or augment our means.
Either will do--the result is the same /;
and it is for each man to decide for him
self, and do that which happens to be
the easier.
EDITOR You profess to be poet,
sir? Poet (proudly) Yes; I humbly
think can lay that fattering JUNCTION
to my soul Editor with tears in his
eyes)-And yet you have the gall to
try to make acrowbar' rhyme with
October"
"BoBBY's father complains at dinner
OF feeling tired and worn out Now,
pa suggested Bobby, Il don't feel
| well myself; s'pose you give up goin'
| back to business this afternoon and take
me to matinee, and thatll rest us
both. Epoch.
ENGLISH chemists have made the in
teresting discovery that fourine will
dissolve metal of any sort, even gold.
Whisky, by the way, possesses nearly
similar virtue. 1t may not dissolve
| gold, but it will make it disappear.
| Norristo,cn Herald.
Mrs. BLINKs-John, I do believe you
have forgotten to water the horse to-
day. Remember, John, a merciful
man is mercifu1 to his beast. Mr..
Blinks (repentant) You are right, /
did forget it. Garry bucket out to
him, won't you, my dear ?-Philadel-
| ghia Record.
HE was young and inexperienced,
| and as he struggled to tell his love, his
tongue cleaved to the roof of his mouth.
1t was hopeless. Drawing beautiful
solitaire diamond engagement ring from
his pocket he tremblingly placed it upon
her tapering finger. SIS it too large,
Miss Lulu ?" was all that he could utter.
"A trife too large, Mr.. Sampson" Miss
Lulu shyly replied, @but can have it
1 fitted the first thing in the morning. -
| Epoch.
| CONTRARY.
| She's contrary, Maynard young maid,
Yet as witehing as maiden can be,
And love her so much, I'm afraid
| From her wiles shall never be free.
! She never will do what ask,
And my patience she almost wears out;
But then If take her to task
She asks what I'm talking about.
! And smiles in the charmingest way,
Till my anger is wholly forgot,
So I'm blessed if I'm certain to-day
4 As to whether she loves me or not.
But sometime--I don't know just when
| I'll propose to her-see If don't;
| And I'm sure that she'll marry me then,
Because she says now that she won't.
-Somerpille Journal.
Desperation.
They had just come out of dime
museums tall, lank women with knife