Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1888-11-07
WIT AND WISDOM.

HAPPINESS is roadside flower grow
| ing on the highway of usefulness and
| prosperity.
The race of mankind would perish
| did they cease to aid each other.
| WordsaUorth.
A TENDER recollection-that X that
Bill Jones borrowed last summer
Merchant 1raUeler.
The robin that has lost her mate
takes a sort of birdsigh view of the
world.-Datlatth Picayu71e.
MANY persons criticise in order not to
seem Ignorant, they do not know that
indulgence is mark Of the highest
culture.
Ibis is funny old world, anyhow,
but it is hard to realize it when you are
reading the comic papers.-Somervttte
Journal.
The path of life is beset with thorns.'
and they who are not afraid to encoun-
ter them may gather the rare flowers
that grow between.
HE latest theory from a scientist is
that man has two brains. This. how
ever, cannot possibly refer to the ciga-
/ rette, dude.-Baltinoa'e american.
SM1TH-What dazzling creature
your wife is. Brown-Ought to see
her without her diamonds. They spoil
her conversation. Detroit Free Press.
Doctor Ito patient)-Why, you are
as red as a raspberry; what have you
been drinking? Patient-Can't under
stand it. Only drank pale ale.-De-
trOjt Free Press.
A MAN will dislocate his arm trying to
hit baseball, and spend an entire day
In facilitating efforts to make home
run-but he won't beat carpet. Not
much.-Merchant TraveIer.
| WIT loses it's respect with the good
when seen in company with malice, and
to smile at the jest which plants thorn
| in an another's breast is to become a
principal in the mischief. SIBERIAN.
ELDERLY maiden lady Ito druggists
boy)-I want to git some soap, young
Teller. Druggists boy-(who has de-
tected that that maiden lady has a
slight suspicion of mustache)-Yes'm;
Shawn soap, I s'pose.-Epoch.
SOME people pretend that they are
never surprised at anything, but even
| the most obstinate of them finds it diff
cult to conceal his amazement when he
runs his nose against door-edge in
the dark -SomerUjJIe Journal.
FIRST dame-What shall we do to-
day? Let's go to the matinee. Second
dame-Can't; we haven't any money It
takes money to go to the theater $50
it does. did not think of that. Well,
let's go shopping. p Philadelphia
Record.
BRIDE of month-We must not for
get the Goodhearts, Alfred. If it had
not been for their house party this time
last year we should never have met and
married. Bridegroom of ditto-Non-
sense, my dearl they didn't mean any
harm. Fan.
ExTRAvAGANT young wife-(pocket-
ing $50 bilD-George, dear. I often
wonder why the money you give me to
spend is called pin money. Young hus-
band-(with slight sigh)-Because,
like pins, no one knows where it all
goes to-Detroit Free Press.
"MR. DE CASH asked me to elope
with him only the night before he ran
away to Canada confded Gussie
and you refused, of course?" eyes,
my DEAR" she replied; "as soon as he
told me his embezzelment amounted to
only $4,000 "-NeW York Satn.
CLARA WE'RE DE VERE-It can never
be, never. Mr. Highfver 4 was
on the top side Of that wheat corner,
Miss Clara. Look at this bank account.
Clara do not love you Mr.. Highfyer,
but I respect you; O. my darling, how
deeply respect you. I am yours
Philadelphia Record.
A LIFE of virtue is a life of health.
Self-denial leads to self-development
on higher planes. Patient battling
against lower lusts ends in assured VIC
tory. To one man, and to one only,
is life worth living, and that man is he
who resolves on nothing less than per-
lection of body, mind and soul.
"DID you ever meet Miss Ruggles'
father, said one travelling man to an
other. eyes, once or twice" pretty
old man, isn't he" mot SO very; at
any rate he is quite young enough to-
trip the light fantastic toe "The light
fantastic toe?" Eyes, with me on the
end of !"-Merchaat TraueIe,.
RAILROAD President-Mr. jenkins,
can't you suggest some distinctive name
for our road, something Like the "Bee
Line" or the Nickel Plate"-some-
thing on that plan? Secretary-How
would the "True Love" do for a name Z?
II don't see the application. (" Tt never
runs smooth. "-Ter7e HaaIte Express.
DEACON SKINFLINT- This is an age Of
irreverence. I read tonight about
fellow who has engraved the Lords
Prayer on a ten-dollar gold piece and
wears it on his watch chain for curl
osity. This is all wrong, very wrong.
There are some things too sacred to be
trifled with. Carper-To which do you
refer, Deacon, the PRAYER or the gold
piece Pierre Haute Express.
Mrs. BAcHBEIT- just awtul, I
think, the way that Mrs. Golding let's
young Hardup bangle around after her
day in and day out. But it's to be ex-
pected, I suppose, when an old fool like
Golding MARINES a giddy young girl.
Mrs Polly Gist-YO11 Ouohtn't To talk