News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-11-08
A BAD OUTLOOK.

Badger--Just over, Tonlmy3 How
does every thing look on the other side
Wamples - Worse and worse, ole
man. Germany, Austria and Russit
have undoubtedly formed tripartitt
allegiance against England, with France
as n decoy, and right on top of il
another American woman has snubbeC
! the Prince of Wales.
THE FALL GAME.
whats up, Billy"
"Fut ball.
"Well, fore I'd set up there in the
| cold watchin' lot of fel1ers kick ball
up"
"Ain't watchin' 'em kick no ball up
watchln' of 'em kick each other down. "
-Harper's Weekly.
CoNvENTIoNALITY OF YOUTH.
Mr.. White -tie-"Ah, won't you give
me kiss, my little man ?"
Louis (hiding bashfully in his NAM
mas gown. "You do it, Ma. "-Har-
pe7''s Magazine.
DIDN'T APPLY.
Mr.. Topnoody was hilarious almost to
stiffness and his wife was mad.
"Stop that foolishness, Topnoody," "
she said angrily.
"Why, my DEAR" he replied, "a little
nonsense now and then is relished by
the wisest men,"
"That's no argument in your defense,
Topnoody," she snapped at him. "Shut
mp. - Washington Critic.
A NATURAL CONCLUSION.
"What is this I hear, Lilly? Your
governess has been complaining of your
conduct"
"Then you had better send her away,
mamma. for having brought me up SO
badly. y."-Judge.
HIS EXPECTATIONS.
''To put this business on n cash basis,
Mr.. Peduncle," said the father of the
young lady, sin case you marry Irene
you must have something to live on.
What are your expectations?
"Why, as to that, sir, replied the
somewhat embarrassed young man, 81
shouldn't expect much at the start.
Though its kind of you to ask. May 1
inquire the amount of life insurance you
carry ?"-Chjcago Tribune.
A PREFERABLE OPPONENT.
81 tell you,' said travelling man to
companion on the train, you'll never
catch me playing seven-up again with
Bill Scriyen."
"Why not?"
because 1 saw him turn up q jack off
the bottom of the deck. "
"Well I'd rather play with him than
/ would with Jerry Spader!'
"Why?"
because when jerry turns q Jack |
off the bottom You can't see him do it" |
Merchant TrDee1er.
THAT EXPLAINS II.
'Ah, ha !" said the physician; $50 per
cent. less deaths Inst week than OK
pecte by the way, how much medi-
cine did leave2"
"About half as much as usual, sir,
replied the attendant.-LYe.
HEART BREAKING DISCOVERY.
Sweet Girl-Please look at this ring
and tell me whether the diamonds are
paste or not.
Jeweler-Those are genuine dia-
mOnds.
"Keally?" 2"
eyes, indeed, Miss, aud very rare
ooh, dear, and L wouldn't promise to
be anything but sister to him, and now,
boo hoo! he's gone"
CHEAP AS DIRT.
"You fellows charge q very high price
for pulling teeth" said a real estate
dealer to q dentist.
''Oh, I don't know about that" was
the confident reply, eve only charge "a
dollar an acher. Thine.
THE INSTINCTS OF TRADE.
Naomi-My dear Count, don't you
think papa is adorable?
Italian Count-Well, er-ah-
"Tell me truly what you think of
him."
Count (dreamily)-I think he needs a
haircut and hampoo.-NcJraska State
Journal.
REALIZATION.
"Amelia Sassafras," said Marcellus
Roddy, with an accent of pain, "do you
realize the anguish you have caused me
by your refusal of my heart and hand ?
No, you are cold and passionless. You
realize nothing"
"You are mistaken, Mr.. Roddy," said
Amelia, haughtily. "Do you remem-
Der the ring you gave me2 And the
opera glasses And the bracelets? And
the gold thimble ="
'T do remember them" mcaned the
wretched young man.
"Well, " said Amelia, 81 have realized
on them all. give you the pawn tick
cts and this bundle of letters. Farewell
forever, Mr.. Roddy. ."-Chicago Neacs.
GETTING READY.
Mrs. Ethereal Brown Qanguidly) "I
begin the rest-cure treatment next week,
you know, my dear"
Mr.. Ethereal Brown: eyes, re-
member you we're saying something
about it.
Mrs. Ethereal Brown: "And none
too soon, as Dr. Aristarchus says. Why
the mere exertion to-day of being fitted
for the ten tea-gowns [ shall need has
nearly exhausted me. "-Epoch.
UNNECESSARY NEGATION.
Friend Ito young Mr.. Wabash, of Chi
cago): "Am to congratulate you
Windy, old boy?"
Young Mr.. Wabash (sadly) "Ah, no,
Charley. She refused me point blank"
Friend: ''Is it possible So she an
swered you in the negative. I'm aston
ished."
Young Mr.. Wabash: Answered me i'll
The negative. L should say SO. She said
that whiicher father remained in his pres
ent feeble condition of health, she could
not think of marrying nobody. "-EpOch.
NO ELECTION CIGARS FOR HIM.
Bagley: Have q cigar, Bailey2
Bailey: Don't care if l do.
Bagley: They're some l won on the
result of the election.
Bailey: I-er-don't believe | care to
smoke this morning. Cartoon.
CHIP OF THE OLD BLOCK.
"There, JONES'" exclaimed proud
young fellow, sis baby as is baby
Don't you think he looks like me"
just then q pin gets in its work, and
the baby howls dismally.
"Well, yes" replied Jones, critically.
81 think there is q resemblance.
wIFE's POINT OF VIEW.
"Poor Jenny! 1t must be an awful
shock to you," sympathized her friend.
"And to think that you trusted him all
these years while he was embezzling
such enormous sums ~
eyes, she sobbed, 81 knew my mil
linery alone came to more than his sal
Rry, but never suspected him."