The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-11-23
CARL DUNDER.
He Decides Not to Become a Great
Man
From the Detroit Free Press.

From the Detroit Free Press
'Shildrens, let me told you some things.
| vhas an oldt mans, and l knows peter ash
you. If you want to baf some fun und be
happy, doan' you try to be great. doan'
pellet dot vhay when vhas poy, und so l
lay GOD sorrow for myself.
"You hat all heard of Napoleon Bona
parte. He vhas great sheneral. He can
lick all Europe NIT one hand tied pehind
his back. He vhas der greatest man for a
hundred years. Some peoples vhas SO
afraid of him dot dey shump in der rifer,
und some like him so dot dey sit oop nights
to hurrah. Maybe dot looks awfully nice
to you. but how vhas he? Dot Bonaparte
can nefer go i'll a tobacco store und play
sheckers NIT a fireman. He doan' hat no
time to go on pic ic. He nefer sees a
game of base ball. He doan' hat some fun init
der boys at ward caucus. All he does vhas
to plan some fights und knock eafery pody
into der middle of two weeks ago. Take
him for ten years und he doan' laugh once
He vhas great, but does dot pay? Where
vhas der fun-der benefits?
"Some poys cry because dey vhas not
Shorge Washington. Maybe it looks aw-
full nice to be President und sheneral, und
to swell around und boss eaferv body,
und hat your name in der papers, but you
hold on-Do you pellet Shorge Washing
UOuS edleT udl SOtI16 luIl 1illG DO1Ss DOeS
he eafer steal some apples, carry off some
pody's gate or hook sugar from der pantry,
und nopOdy dares slap him on der back
und call him oldt man, und nopody dares
ask him to ship his ticket. He must shust
be big gun und keep quiet und comb his
hair fife times tay.
"Maype some of der little gals vhas mad
pecaus dey won't nefer be Queen of Spain.
A queen has nice dresses, und she can hat
m ooforxr 6au md if oh
says she wants this or that she can hat him.
When she rides out eafery body shmiles und
bows und cheers, und if she was seek der
papers come out eafery hour. Dot looks
nice, but hold on a little while. If you
vhas queen you can't play tag nit der poys,
you can't eat some peanuts nor chew gum,
you can't put on an old dress nor wear some
old shoes. und if you go to picnic you can't
eaten fall oafen log und skin your nose.
How it would look for queen to stand out
by her gate und gossip init Mrs. Blank
about dot new neighbor and her nine cats !
If her husband comes home late, she can't
say one word, und if she goes by der kitchen
der hired girls bounce her out. She must
sit oop very straight ind look very solemn,
und if she looks out of der window und a
poy falls down she can't eaten shmile. If
you want some comforts in dis world doan
you be some queens.
~ shust like to be as | am und like vhas.
II some man calls at my house he takes off
his hat und says my wife vhas looking pet
ter ash she vhas, und dot we vhas hating
sooch bad weather as he nefer sees pefore.
When a man comes in my place of peesness
he says: 'Hellol Dunder, vhas be cold
enough for her! How vhas your left lung
to-day, anyhow l can laugh at him, or l
can poke him in der ribs, or can tell him
to go by Halifax. Dot makes me happy,
und grow fat some more If l vhas sooch
a great man dot hat to hold my legs stiff
as crowbars und my backbone like gate
post, und say 'ump und 'hap und go py der
barber once day, vhas so seek und tired
dot run away from myself. When | vhas
who l vhas l can wake oop in der morning
und box Shakes ears, keek my dog out
doors, shmile on my wife, und go down
town und feel dot like to stay in Detroit
ten hoonered years"