The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-05-20
BRIGHT BITS.

A CHICAGO MAN on a witness stand fell in a
dead faint He was telling the truth and the
novelty paralyzed him. -Ne1o Orleans Picayune.
A BRooKLYN MAN proposes to import monkeys
and train them to become bOotblacks. Would
the public put up with such monkey shines?-
1e.cds Siftings.
THE old saying has it that it takes nine tailors
10 make a1man. Sometimes nine tailOrs to-
eether coui int make man pay tor the clothes
he wears.-Joltrtldt Of Education.
To CURE a woman of stammering, ask her
what she thinks of the girl her husband came
near getting engaged TO, couple of years before
she married him hersef.-SOmerUiIe Journal.
OLD LADY TO little boy caressing a dog)-That
is right, little boy. Always be kind to dumb
animals
Little Boy-Yes'm; I'll have kittle hitched
to his tail soon's kin git him quiet.--NelO York
sun.
FARMER ScRoGGs ito G. A. r. man whom he
is entertainingl-Yes them war great times
ought t know for left an arm at Antetam.
Friend twho has entered unnotlced)-That's
the first time heard your old moving machine
wuz so fur South.-Ifd Bits.
WIFE, during thunder storm-Do you think
there is any danger Of mother attracting the
lightning by that open window, dear?
Husband-No; / don't think there is any
danger of her attracting anything-not even
lightning brakes Magazine
An ARTICLE is going the rounds Of the papers
headed How to Select Wife" It's rules are
very scientific and int resting, but when
young man falls in love ne doesn't ponder over
rules. He just shuts both eyes tight and grabs
frantically in the dark.-SOmeruiHe Journal
ION, Mrs. De Beige, l don't see how you
manage your husband 80 nicely. You drive him
about just as if you had bride Oh him.
Its very easily explained, Mrs. Cachmire;
when have a particularly nice lot of taffy
always put bits in his mouth. "-iSprinQfeId
Union.
KENTUCKY Sunday School Superintendent Ito
pastor)-See here, I'm not going to teach this
school any longer if I've got to leave my revol-
yer at home. Only yesterday Col Kilgore
wiped the floor up with me because l contra
dicted his statement that Moses was found in
clothes basket at the second battle of Bull Run.
Burlington Free Press.
SMYTHE giving Van Jones cigar from his
private box)-Have cigar, Van Jones?
Van Jones-Thanks
Smythe-Haye you seen the item going about
to the effect that no man ever committed muir
Van Jones Yes, I've [pufl seen it, Still
Smythe, he lpuffl feels like it sometimes.-Life
MOTHER LAW Ito daughter returned from
church, How was the sermon to-day, dear?
Daughter-Weli, to tell the truth, mother, l
found it a tr;fie dry.
Mother in-Law-Where's John? Didn't he
come home with you?
Daughter-Only part way, mother
Mother in Law with intense sarcaSm(-I s'poSe
he found the sermon dry, too?
TRAMP Csome years hence)-I see YOU belong
to college society. SO do l. Can't you lend me
a dime?
Man of wealth--Yes, am gradute of Yale
and make $40, Q00a year as base ball pitcher
Here, take this IS bill and get square meal
What college did you attend?
II am graduate of Harvard. They don't
teach base ball at Harvard. Thanks. - Omaha
World
TWAS a glorious night, and two loving folks
sat upon the clii1 side, with the eternal ocean
flowing at their feet with calmness and
placidty that was almost appalling. They were
looking at the stars above, and he turned to his
girl and said, tenderly: My darling | don't
understand what you can see in me to love me
so"
She replied: That's what everybody says"
The silence was greater than ever-Tid Bits.
ST. PETER-You were a Wall street broker
see. A good many Wall street spirits are in
here.
New York spirit am delighted to hear that
You make no distinction been bulls and bears
here, suppOsey
I'VE class bulls and bears together. They are
all down in that hole"
."Eh?'
THE ones we admit here are the lambs -
Omaha World.
"GEoRGE, DEAR" she gurgled as they met at
junction of two avenues. where they could hear
the mOnotonous scrape of the confectoner's
spoon as he ladled out two bits worth of ice
cream at a time. George, dear l fully realize
that father did not treat you right when you
called last evening.
No no, he did not" he answered with
Henry Irving halt in his voice, but never mind
that 1t is passed and let it be-
But you were not angered, were you?"
mo. not augered, disappointed that was all "
disappointed"
Eyes; think you m st agree with me that at
that hour of the day was justified in hoTdng
even in expecting that your father would be
wearing cloth slippers. Merchant Traveller.