Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-06-06
O'SHERRY'S TRICK.

USHERR1fS Trick.
dow Captain baltimore Lost His
Whiskers.
How many men enter the army solely on
account OF the uniforms How many of
those who are supposed to be enamored of
the adventures and perlls Of a soldiers life
are enamored only Of the tinsel and trap
pings OF soldiers coat' II would be inter
esting TO know, but, owing to the unac-
countab'e reticence ON the part of those so
infuenced ii is impossible to discover.
Still, occasionally there occur cases where,
though no confession is made, a shrewd
guesh may be hazarded that aesthetic consid.
erations had much to do in inducing the gal
liant warrior TO choose military career
Captain Dallimores was one of these. Cap
taip Dalton baltimore was not very adven-
tprous, nor a very courageous, nor very
ambitious man, but he was unquestionably
very conceited one. His conceit, however,
referred only to his appearance He never
Imagined that he was cleverer, braver OF
more high-minded than his fellows; in fact
his private opinion was that in these quail
ties he was rather below than above them.
But when 1t came TO good looks--well, every
time he glanced in his glass, and that was
pretty often, he felt, with thrill of pleas
ure, that there he had the advantage of most
people.
And he was not bad-looking fellow. He
had rather long face, passably good fea-
lures, and fairish hair, and he wore a mus
tache, large mutton-chop whiskers, and a
pince-nez. He was very tall and very slight
and his clothes-which is not always the
case even with military men-were OBJ
viously made for himself.
His appearance was better than his man
ner; that was affected and insipid to de
gree. He could be induced TO manifest
nothing but the most languid interest in
anybody or any thing about him. No mat
ter what was the subject which was occupy
ing the attention of the rest Of the company,
his attention was concentrated on himself
While the others were testing, chatting, or
disputing he was engaged examining the At
OF his jacket or the cut Of his overalls, or
else strolsing his mustache and passing his
fingers affectionately through his whiskers.
These latter hirsute appendages were the
cause OF much mockery and heartburning
in the regiment. His brother officers
strongly disapproved of them. They could
understand and sympathize with his devo-
ton TO his mustache-they all wore mus
taches themselves, which they carefully
nurtured and tenderly cherished-but he
was the only man in the regiment who
sported whiskers, and the others regarded
his indulgence in them as an unwarrantable
license not 10 say breach of discipline.
Dolly, my boy one would say, ''why
don't you shave and look like Christian.n
"Prefers TO look like goat" another
would growl.
"You Sec" third would put in, "he's not
very energetic, and the whiskers save him
good deal OF work; with them he has only
TO wash half of his face"
'If were the Colonel" fourth would
declare, che should either shave or leave
the regiment"
But Captain baltimore would only laugh
languidly at all such coaxing bullying and
remonstrance. He loved his whskers, and
was determined not to lose them. Besides,
be suspected that envy had something TO do
with his fellow-officers' disapproval.
Captain Dalton baltimore never regretted
his choice Of a profession. The Lancer uni
form exactly suited his taste and figure. His
duties he found light, and, on the whole,
agreeable; while the effect of his lace, spurs
and charger upon the ladies was all that
ever found was the fact that his regiment
was so frequently stationed in remote vii
lagos, where he had little company and little
opportunity of receiving what he felt was
his due OF feminine admiration and atten.
ton.
His delight, therefore, can be imagined
when his regiment received orders to leave
the obscurity of Braxby for the publicity
and gayety OF the Irish metropolis He had
been in Dublin before and knew what he
had TO expect there-not an occasional din
ner at Lord Broadacre's or Squire Cherry's,
or dance every six months at the town
hall, but succession OF banquets, recep-
tons and balls, and the admiration and de-
votion OF scores of the prettiest women in
Europe
The gallant Captain was not doomed TO dis.
appointment. Dublin proved every thing
that he expected. All that was wealthy,
beautiful and fashionable in the city re-
ceived the Lancers with open arms. Cards
OF invitation from the castle, Merrion
square, and Old Trinity came in scores TO
every officers quarters From Colonel TO
Lieutenant they were all in demand every
where, but none Of them seemed TO be quite
In 30 great demand as Captain Dalton DALI.
more.
1t was about month after the regiments
arrival in Dublin that Captain baltimore
was, alone Of all the Lancers, present at q
dinner given by Mr.. Justice McMurther in
bis fine house in Fitzwiliam square. Judge
McMurther was famous for his dinners, and
though Captain Dalton baltimore knew that
there would be no ladies therc-the host
was bachelor-and that he would be &C
quainted with few of the guests. he gladly
accepted the invitation And he did no,
regret II. A better dinner he had never
eaten, and the wines were simply incom
parable. The only thing, besides his ap
pearance, In which Captain baltimore tool
an absorbing interest, was his stomach.
The company, like dinner, was the best
Dublin could supply. IL consisted OF some
members OF the viceregal household, two
peers resident in the neighborhood Of tn,
capital, three judges and several Of the mos
distinguished lawyers, doctors and capital
lists in Ireland Captain Dalton baltimore
howover, knew very few of them, and tn,
two between whom he sat at dinner did no
seem 10 take much interest in him or hi
conversation. When, then, Judge NC
Murther led the way into the drawiugroom
the gallant Captain sat down in a corner
there to digest his dinner in silence.
He had been sitting by himself some tim.
when suddenly II occurred TO him that ON
II -