davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19
BRIGHT BITS.

The YOUNG LADY who fiatters a dudish young
man on the advancement of his incipent mus
tache has him where the hair is short, so to
speak Yonters Statesman.
IT IS SAID in some parts OF Africa there are
birds with bills yard in length. II the theory
OF tranSmt2ration of souls is a correct one
these birds must be the spirits of departed
Yunkee Blade.
VIsIToR-And so, my poor man, you are truly
sorry for what brought you herei
Prisoner-YeS, indeed, ma am.
Visitor (sympathetically)- was it,
Bits ''''e' ''''' l'uH' 'u' IL" ain i"
FOREMAN (making up the forms)-where shall
l put this clipping of poetry?
Editor-Who is it byf
Foreman-Walt Whitman.
Edtor-Put it in the puzzle department.
Life.
A PIoUs CITIZEN of a Western city. who con-
tributed stained glass window to the church.
is said to have fallen from grace when he read
IN the local papers that our fellow-townsman
Seth Schermerhorn, has placed q stained grass
widow in st. JOSeph's church," etc.-Boston
Bulletin,
FENDERsoN-Yes, ] have got an awful cold
and the doctor says ! mustn't go out. It's
plaguey provoking don't you know, for | was
engaged to attend donkey party to night
Fogg-Were you? But wouldn't fret; they'll
get along, no doubt by cutting one out of paper.
Boston Transcript
Mr.. MOULD lin bookstore)-I want you to get
me up an appropriate motto to hang in my I'M
dertakng establishment.
Dealer-How would Honesty is the best
policy" do?
Mr. Moud-Thats too much of a chestnut
Dealer (contemplatively Hin, how does is
life worth living?" strike you!
Mr.. Mould-Good; that's just the thing?-NetO
York Sun.
Il HEAR, Quimby, that you are taking lessons
in pugilism.
Yes, am
Going to enter the ring?"
Not that l know Of
Have grudge against some one7"
Not that | know Of"
whats your idea, then?'
''Why, I'm going to marry my late wife's sis
ter. Lincoln Journal.
CoUNTRYMAN- mister, want some Of
this here new tea
Grocer-Oolong, Young Hyson, Old Hyson-
any of those?
Countryman-No, you hain't mentioned it
yit. My gals been down to New York and she
says it's all the go there. You see a lot of
women git together in the afternoon and drink
1t.
Grocer-oh, you mean at a O'Clock tea'
Countryman-You'v rung the bell, young
man. Give me pound of o'clock tea.-.Jltdoe
WESTERN MAN TO fell ow passenger)-rm just
from Yeurope.
PaSSenger-That so?
Western Man-Yes; took in the hull business,
London, Paris, Notwithstanding
Passenger-London's a big town.
Western Man-Yes, big, slow. Lacks git up
an git
Passenger-You visited St Paul's Cathedral,
of course?
Western Man-No; saw the buildin', but 1
didn't go inside. I'm a Minneapolis man. my
sef.-Neio York Sun.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19
Unclean Rice,

Mr.. Talmage, the New York rice importer,
i, making vigorous fight TO have the clause
in the tariff bill defining unclean rice
stricken out If the Committee on Ways
and Means is disposed to do what is just
and fair lie will meet only with defeat. In
another column this morning will be found
an article which exposes Mr.. Talmage's pur-
pose, aud makes it clear that if the
committee were to be guided by him a very
grave injury would be done to the rice
planting interest. IL the clause defining
uuclean rice were stricken out the duty on
rice would be reduced as much as &c. a
pound beyond the reduction which the bill
now makes. In fact, it is probable that it
would be reduced even more than that.
The committee has no intention
OF making further reduction,
and if it wishes to avoid doing so it will pay
no attention to the statement which Mr.
Talmage makes with respect to the deflni-
ton clause. OF course Mr.. Talmage will
not be satisfied if he fails TO convince the
committee. He will probably attempt TO
have the clause stricken out in the House,
but he Will doubtless find that there are
those in the House who understand the rice
question fully as we'll as he.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19
The Tariff Debate.

DIR. Mills speech, opening the debate on
the tariff reduction bill, appears to have been
very favorably received by the Democrats
of the House. Judged by the very full
synopsis of it in our dispatches it was an
exceedingly clear and strong statement Of
the reasons why the tariff should be reduced.
1t has added greatly TO Mr.. Mills reputation
as a legislator and justifies the belief that
the Speaker did not make such very great
mistake when he placed him at the head OF
the Ways and Means Committee.
Tie speech of the Pennsylvania Protec-
ZIONIST, Judge Kelley, in answer to Mr..
efforts in defense of a high protective tariff.
He seemed to feel that the facts were
against him, and. hence, he occupied much
of his time in denouncing what he called
the whisky trust" No man in the
country is better informed with re-
spect to the tariff than he is and
the protective system has no ADLER defender,
but the best advocates cannot be expected
to successfully sustain their cause if the
facts are overwhelmingly against them
Mr.. Mills showed thorough familiarity with
his subject, and the points of his argument
were so well fortified that Judge Kelley evil
IDENTIFY did not deem it advisable to attempt
to attack them. The whisky trust" to
which Judge Kelley made such frequent
illusions and again,t which he directed 50
much of his speech, is responsible, in his
estimation and that of his Republican
friends, for the surplus, and for the depres-
sion from which the agricultural interests
are suffering, but he neglected to make it
clear how 1t Is responsible. The people are
not in the humor to be satisfied with simple
assertions in this matter of the tariff, and
unless the other protection orators can find
a better defense for the present high pro
tective tariff than that furnished by Judge
Kelley public sentiment in favor of the
Mills bill will be much stronger when the
present debate on that bill closes than it is
at present
1t is not probable that the debate will
close in less than two months Nearly 100
members are booked for speeches, some Of
which will doubtless be long ones. The
Speaker is expected to address the House on
the bill, and his speech WILL it is quite safe
to say, be the event of the debate. The
country viii not grumble, however, at the
delay of business in the House which the
debate viii cause if there is fair prospect
of reduction of tie tariff
The surplus now in the Treasury
is over $lQ5, 100000 and last month
it amounted to Sl2,OOO,OOO. This surplus,
which is steadily increasing, is menace to
the business interests of the country, and, if
not speedily got rid of it will produce disas
trous financial troubles The way to get
rid of it, and the only way to which the
majority of the people will consent, is that
favored by the tariff reformers. The Re
publicans and few protection Democrats
may declare that the whisky tax is II great
evil and demand its repeal, but it is impossi-
BILE to convince the people that it is better
for them to take the tax off whisky than to
reduce it on articles which are essential to
their comfort and existence
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19
He Got the Wooden Part.

You have no idea, " said prominent young
cider and vinegar merchant to the Louisville
Courier, Journal the other day, "of the ups and
downs OF our business. In shipping vinegar we
have little or no trouble, 10 matter What the
distance or how hot the weather: but with cider
1t Is very different. The shaking received viii e
In transit and the effect of heat, especially from
stances form a gas which either distends the
barrel and causes the contents to leak out, or
bursts the cask, 80 that we have to make good
the loss. Sometimes We ship barrels of cider in
good shape, and nothing but the barrel arrives
at destination. short while ago l got an or.
der from Sherman, Tex. for barrel of my
best cider from a wealthy gentleman, and 1
bought new barrel, filed it up in due time,
and shipped it in style, thinking that l had
greatly benefited the firm by my pains and Sc
cured regular customer Imagine my con-
sternation when got letter as follows
DEAR D.-Hoops and slaves received. Send
on your cider"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19
Perils of the Toilet.
From the Ne,o York Herald.


Pretty little Miss Helen Forster, a fascinating
belle Of Washington, won't wear her dresses cut
decolette nj the social gatherings of her set for
a while, as she is obliged through a singular and
painful, though not serious accident to wear
just now linen cloths spread with cold cream on
her fair back and shoulders.
Miss helen was in the midst of her toilet last
evening preparatory to making herself particu-
larry attractive to expected company She was
engaged in the feminine occupation of enhanc-
ing her charms by curling into tiny ringlets the
locks of blond halr that nature had placed on
the nape Of her neck.
To do this nicely she uSed-as they say tholIs-
ands Of other girls do, but may stop doing after
they hear of the accident that befel Miss Helen
"a long ordinary slate pencil, heated in the gas
flame to such a degree that it almost singed
her golden locks as she wrapped them around
IL.
At the very moment OF performing this. to
her, necessary function in her toilet, Miss Helen
was only lightly clad. She had got along i'm a
satisfactory manner with enc bunch Of stray
locks and was proceeding in the frZng pro
cess when, horrible TO relate, the red hot pencil
slipped from her fingers down her back 1t had
gone into the opening between her single gar
ments and her lily white skin. She screamed a
cry OF pain and uttered calls for help that would
have alarmed the neighborhood il the windows
had been raised, for the hot "frizzern was friz-
cling her back into biSters.
She twisted and squirmed In the hope that the
hot pencil would find its way TO abe floor, but IL
was stayed In its course and made her flesh
Her pitiful screams reached the ears OF her
parents, and her father was the first TO burst
into her boudoir. II frightened him to see the
agony his Helen was In and puzzled him. too.
His first thought was, Its a burglar, p" for Miss
Helen was leaning hard against the closet door,
pressing back upon it with all her might.
as Il a thief Heieny"
mo! no. Oh, oh, Run and fetch motherr
BY the time father" had returned with
mother. who had tainted dead away when
she heard her 1elen's yells, the pencil had
cooled off considerably. Explanations we're in
order and upon close examination II was found
that Miss Helens fair back had been scared
into rows of red, ugly looking blsters from her
shoulders To her waist, as though she had been
Rridroned by the red hot frizzing pencil as it
rolled down her back.
Poor Miss Helen suffered intense pain until
her back was smeared with a cooling ointment
and covered with lint, but she was obliged to
excuse herself just this once to her caller and
pass that evening alone, registering a solemn
vow never again TO "friz" with redhot slate
pencil
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19
She Didn't Look It.
From The Pbj1odelnhin Tin,ee

1t was on a crowded Fourth avenue car that
this occurred: Two ladies came in. Neither of
them was in the early spring time of life yet
each would have resented any insinuaton Of
autumn trosts. A wag with fine raiment upon
him, and some old and powerful whisky within
him, gallantly rose to his feet, tipped his hat,
and persuasively said: will the older of you
two ladies' please take this seat?" Neither spoke
and both remained standing You take it.
said the elder looking to the other, at last.
No. you take it, She replied "Oh, l don't
mind standing, said the other. Aud thus they
parleyed, and the passengers looked on and
then began to hunt for their sleeves to laugh in.
Finally when the discussion threatened to upset
their tempers, one-evidently the younger
bounced into the vacant seat saying: Il sup
pose am entitled to ii, as | was 80 yesterday
hand with the time honored mollifer: ''You
don't look it. madam
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19
INDEX TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.

MEErISGs-Solomon's Lodge No. F. and A.
NJ. Georgia Hussars st. Andrews Society.
SPECIAL NoTICEs-Excursions to Tybee Island.
D. G. Purse President: Savannah Rife Associa-
ton; Copartnership Notice, Reich 6 Morrison.
MOTHER GOOSE REcEPTIoN-Lindsay & Nor
gan.
RAILROAD Charleston and Savan-
nah Railway Company.
REFRIGERAToRs, ETC.-Cornwel & Chapman.
AUCTION SALES -Sundries, by l. D. LaRoche
& Son.
CHEAP COLUMN Advertisements Want
ed; For Rent; For Sale; Personal; Miscellane-
Gus.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19

A member Of the sub committee having
in charge the arrangements for the National
Republican Convention told the Cincinnati
Enquirer the other day that he was afraid
the Republicans would have either to
change the date of the convention or not
hold it in Chicago. He says there is much
dissatisfaction growing out of the action of
the Chicago hotel proprietors, who, while not
violating their agreement not to charge more
than their usual rates, insist that a person
taking a room must pay for as many people
as would occupy three or four beds in it,
He also says that when he was in Chicago
a short while ago, the Auditorium building
in which it is proposed to hold the couven-
ton consisted of few stones and brick on
the bare ground. 1t is not probable that
Chicago will lose the convention.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19

Mr.. John p. st. John thinks the future
of the Prohibition party is very bright, and
that victory will be attained before many
years He says the Prohibition ticket this
year will consist of Clinton b. Fiske, OF
New Jersey, and John T. Tanner, of Ten
nessee, George w. Balm, of Kentucky, or
c. b. Craufill, of Texas, and that the party
will poll 100000 votes--more than six
times as many as it polled in 1886. 1t is
noticeable that Rev. Sam SmalIs name
does not appear among those who will be
likely TO compose the Prohibition ticket.
Perhaps Mr. Small prefers to wait until
there is a prospect that the party will be
successful
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19
P.nistered al fle Post Orloe n sarannah.


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This paper is kept on ne and advertising rates
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Letters and kilograms should be addressed
''NoRNINo NEWS, Savannah Ga
Advertising rates made known on application.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19

Three boys, the oldest of whom is 16, we're
found wandering about in the streets Of
Troy, N. Y, the other night. The contents
of their pockets consisted of three bowie
knives revolver, two powder TASKS, sew
eral jack knives, n miscellaneous assortment
Of trinket5 and 90 cents in money. Que Of
them carried gun. Their nten ion was 10 go
into the Adiroudacks and hunt game, selling
whatever skins they captured. In this way
they expected to subsist for several months.
Inc got their idea from dime novels
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19
The News About Blaine.
Fron the BllfaLo Co1rier.

fTOnl the bltUuEO JOltrteT.
I'm sorry to have 10 inform you that Blaine
Is daily and nightly distracted with pain;
He is better and stronger than ever before
Aud it's easy to see that he's near to deaths
door.
His spirits are broken, he's moody, depressed;
His liver is torpid, has pains in his chest;
He's gay as lark and as sound as a bell,
And the midsummer tomtits will sing his death
knell.
His health is so poor that he's out Of the race
For President; and, were / but in your place.
l would place my whole Lille on the chance that
again
The G. o. P. S hold win be healthy Jim Blaine.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19

A bill has been introduced in the Ken
lucky Legislature providing that a man
who refuses TO pay his board bill be liable
to fine Of $500, and falling to pay the fine
TO be imprisoned in the county Jail 1t is
safe to say, however, that the bill will not
60 into effect until after the members of the
Legislature leave the State capital
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19

The old Coleman mansion in Louisville is
being torn down to make way for factory.
The house was widely known before the
war for the hospitality dispensed there The
structure that will 90 up in its place will
be known for the employment it affords the
working classes and for the practical benefit
1t confers upon the South
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19

Washington gossip says that Senator
Beck is to marry a daughter of DR.. Yandell
of Louisville The lady is a widow, Mrs
Henderson by name, and is wealthy
Senator Beck's wife died little less than
two wears ago
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19

The New Orleans Times Democrat thinks
a great many Southern people are making
the mistake of erecting Northern homes in
a Southern cline, and that in few years
they will regret having done so. 1t says
houses for this latitude should have good
sized rooms and plenty of ventilation. OF
course the Times Democrat is right.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19

The Providence Journal promises fresh
installment of bribery evidence in Rhode
Island. Why don't the Northern Republi-
can newspapers turn their attention to
these Rhode Island fraudsl The grand
old party" there needs purifying.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19
Ohio,s Colored Voters.

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer (Dem)
The colored people are good enough to vote
the Republican ticket, but when it comes to
nominating them for office the Republicans
don't want them. as was evidenced in Saturdays
convention when no colored man was nominated
OF spoken of as delegate or an alternate to
the national convention.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19

Minister Phelps, who is enjoying himself
in New York, is expected in Washington
in few days. He says he has no aspira,
tons for the Chief Justiceship, which Office
has not been offered him.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19
Their Love of Fair Play.

From the Boston Globe CDemD
William O'Brien is behind the bars again for
daring to speak in behalf Of his oppressed coun-
try; The English people have been credited
with strong love Of fair play. How long will
they look on while tyranny like this is practiced
by their servant Balfoury
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19

What is Senator Cameron going to do
about itl The Pennsylvania Republicans
refu Sc to believe that he is not in the field
for President, and are instructing their
delegates for him.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19
A Broad Assertion.

From the Grand Rapids Democrat (Dem.)
1t is conceded that the Democracy of New
York is more thoroughly united than il has been
IN years. that it untedy favOrs Clevelands re-
nomination, and viii give him next November
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19

Baltimore did not get the Claus Spreckels
sugar refinery, but she is going TO erect one
of her own that will cost $1,000 600 and
turn out 1000 barrels of sugar daily.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19

The New York Tribune did very enter
prsing thing this week. 1t virtually gave
the result in Louisiana on Sunday, when
the election did not occur until Tuesday.
This information was in the shape of let
ter from ex-Candidate Warmoth, in which
it was declared that the election would be
the scene of bulldozing and fraud-meaning
that the Republicans gave up the fight.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19

Ha,per's Weekly has discovered that
Judge Gresham is better than his party
He may be, and yet not be very good.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19
CURRENT COMMENT.
But There Was No Fight.
From the Boston Herald CInd.)

F1IFFt IJVHIVIt NAFsO'tI
You're a liar" You're another you're
a scoundrel." You're another" This breezy
conversation didn't occur at Billinsgate, but
IN the New York Assembly chamber the other
daV
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19

"WHY. these are not the shoes ordered, ~ ex-
claimed the lady of the house, with extreme
vexaton; this is pair Of $40 French kids.
can't afford such shoes as these"
Beg pardon, madam" said the messenger
respectfully; hut you've opened the wrong
package. This So pair is yours. The other was
ordered by The hired girl. n-Chicago Tribune.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19

Another Congressman has got the idea in
his head that the constitution should be
changed. Mr.. McComas, Of Maryland, in
troduced joint resolution the other day
providing that the Presidential term shall
be six years, aud that the President shall be
ineligible to reelection. He says the seuti-
ment in favor of such bill is growing. and
while the resolution may mot be passed at
this session, similar one will eventually
pass. There are certainly some strong rea-
sons in favor of an amendment of this sort
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19

George w. Cable, in an address in Bos-
ton the othor night, said that the Southern
negroes are deprived of their rights and
their votes are not counted. MIR Cable has
become wealthy since he moved North, but
it seems that he wants 10 become Weather
Its very sad 20 SCI a southern man ex-
pressing views that he knows are erroneous,
in order that he may gain Northern popu-
laritY and Northern moneY.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19

Lindsey Muse (coloredl is one of the old
est Of those in the service of the govern
ment. He has stood guard at the door of
the Secretary of the Navy since 1928 He
began his duties in that capacity when John
Quincy Adams was President and Samuel
Southland was Secretary of the Navy.
Several days ago he caught a cold that
settled into rheumatism, and it is thought
he will never be able to resume his duties.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19

The steamships running between this
country and Europe do big business. The
outgoing vessels are loaded with pleasure
seeker aud the incoming ones are loaded
with immigrants Do the immigrants
bring as much money to this country as the
pleasure-seskers take awaYl
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-19

The Chicago 7ribune's Washington cor
respondent thinks Congressman Sunset"
Cox is after the Vice Presidency There
are two conclusive reasons why he is not
|. He prefers the House to the Vice Presi-
dency. He has been there long time and
feels at home. > lie knows that the can
didates for both President and Vice Presi-
dent will not come from New York.