Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1888-05-23
MIR. AND MRS. BOwsER.


SIS there anything the matter with your
asked Mr.. Bowser the other evening as he
suddenly looked up.
mo, cerainly not Do look bad?"
ssYour looks are all right, but you seem
nervous and uneasy. I didn't know but
your corns had come back"
M-I-"
"You-you-whatW
81 was wondering if you were going to
York State to see your mother this spring"
"And suppose l go?"
ssThen l shall clean house. 1t is two
years, you know, since we had a carpet
up"
"And if I don't go?"
/ was silent.
"Look here, Mrs. Bowser," said my
liege lord in sharp voice, 'you can't lay
this on to me! You want to pretend that
if I am home through house-cleaning. Ill
prance around and raise the old Harry,
and you want to get me into the papers as
raising great fuss"
'tBnt won't your"
ssWon't I! Don't | know that house
cleaning shonld come once yearl Don't
l like it? Did my mother ever clean house
without me?"
eAnd 1 may go ahead, and will you help
me?"
"Of course you can so ahead, and it so
happens Just now that I've four or 1--we
days to spare. I'll begin right off now"
''You are so good, Mr.. Bowser, that
must kiss you. There, take that!'
ssOh, pshaw! Pm good, of course, but no
better than husband ought to be. I'll
get the step-ladder and begin by taking the
pictures down"
tgT cuppoca Won o0D1d crat q n01Orp6 man
to do the climbing and lifting"
eyes, but won't. l want no stranger
rambling through our house and picking
up things.
He got the ladder and began work, and
from the way he whistled l think he eD-
ioyed it for about half an hour. In that
time he took down dozen pictures and
carried 'em up two flights of stairs to the
storeroom, but as l went up with the buster
he said:
sWhy didn't think to put an elevator
into the house? And the man who made
this step-ladder ought to be shot! I be-
lieve Pve climbed mile or more. What
you got there?"
ssThe duster."
'fWhat for?''
''To dust the pictures with"
"H'm! Well, hand it here!'
He came down twenty minutes later, his
collar all limp, his hair damp and his face
covered with dust, and as he sank into a
chair with groan l said
81 thought it would be too much for
you.'
ooh, you did! Well, 1 want you to un-
dersand that it is simply fun for me. I'll
make this house look sick before tomorrow
noon, and before night we'll be all through
with house cleaning"
'tNot quite as soon as that"
"Won't we? See if we don't This TAX
ing week or ten days to do little clean
ing is played out. don't propose to dilly-
daily over this job"
That night when he went to bed he groan-
ed and signed, and in his sleep he mutter-
ed and scolded, and about midnight he
walked me up by saying:
'FYou bet l will I'll finish the whole
thing by noon!''
Mr.. Bowser acted sore and stiff next
morning, but after breakfast he put on an
old suit of clothes and began work. We
decided to clean the parlor first, and he
moved out all the furniture with a whew.
In his whew he tore down the poles at the
bay window, ripped one of the curtains
two feet or more, upset a chair and broke
the back, and in pushing the plano out he
skinned all his knuckles and broke his
suspenders at one and the same instant.
He jumped three feet high in his indigna-
ton, and as he came down he turned on
me with:
''Where in blazes is the ak, or a sledge.
hammer, or maui, Or something to knock
this internal plano to pieces!'
'sMr. Bowser, suggested that you get a
man to help you"
ooh, you did! Why didn't you suggest
that 1 set the house on fire and do the
cleaning that way! Look at that hand
And here Is these suspendcrs gone"
Modified him after q while, and he
finally exposed his willingness to take hold
again.
81 suppose the carpets will go to the
beaters?" | queried.
'tNot muchp' he replied 81 don't pro-
pose to pay five or six dollars to have some
one pound this carpet for ten minutes.
1've beaten more carpets than you've got
hairs in your head, and Pll show you a
job on this"
He set out to pull up the tacks, after
pulling five or six he broke out with some
thing about blazes and grabbed the carpet
and heaved away. The tacks came up un-
til he reached seam, and then there was
"TRIP down the breadth. This was re-
peated five or six times before he had the
carpet up, and then he piled it in the
middle of the floor aud sat down on the
windowsill to favor his back.
"Its hard work." l observed, as he
painted and gasped.
81 don't see it," he presently replied.
Given if it was, we've got half the house
done, and it is not yet o'clock.
Bye-and-bye he dragged the carpet out
and hung it over the clothesl-ine. | had
just left him for a minute to see what allied
baby when heard furious yell. l ran
back and Mr.. Bowser was prancing around
tue yard and shaking one hand aloft. He
had grasped tack. He had only Gained
down and seized the carpet again to lift it
over the line when he got three or four at
once, and for five minutes there was a
circus. The performance might have con-
tiuued to this date had I not succeeded in
heading Mr.. Bowser off as he came around
the circle aud warned him that all the
neighbors on the other street were at their
windows. Then he sat down on the back
steps and seemed to look into the r-away
for long time The red color had worked
out of his suspenders into his shirt. his
bulk had shrunk away one-fourth, and in
his excitement his wig had come off and
been trampled under foot. A very impu
dent boy on the fence asked him how he
liked it as far as he had gone, and the
driver for carpet-beater's wagon came
along soon after and called out:
''Hey, old Tacks, do you want job?"
called Mr.. Bowser pet names, and told
him how much l loved him, and how baby
would mourn his loss, and he gradually re-
turned to his normal condition. When he
did he found that he had also lost his four
false front teeth and broken the strap to
his vest
'Mrs. Bowser!" he finally said, as he
got a rest for his aching back on the edge
of step.
eyes, dear. You know wanted you to
go away"
"And I'm goingv
care you?"
''Never to return-nevern'
ooh, Mr.. Bowser!'
"Don't Mr.. Bowser and dear mel You
deliberately put up a villainous job on me.
You kept pecking and coaxing until you
got me into this thing, and now you must
take the consequences. In an hour from
this shall leaveW
But he didn't. He was too stiff and sore
to go, and his spinal column has not got
no Oh to plu,nh