The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1888-11-03
FUNNY ONES.

TRAMP-"Watch me work that gentle
man Tor a dinner" Passing stranger
(astonished) -"Work | thought you
never worked" Tramp You are
wrong there, sir; | work other people,
but never myself. "-Harpe1's Ba:ar.
JANIroR (from outside the elevator
Let her 90, Gallagher Old Lady (seat-
ed within. speaking very crisply to ele.
vator boy)-I reckon you'll find it ad
visable to lemme go, Mr.. Gallagher,
when We git t tn fourth story Time.
HEELER-I see our reform mayor las
appointed Maginnis on the force. Round
er-Welll | thought he would. Heel
er-But the doctor says he's sick man.
Rounder-rhaPs why he appointed
him. He's troubled with insomnia
Lo,ceH Citizen.
HARRY-"So you are going to marry
cid Diana Hunter. Well, Tom, my boy
do you think she is Just the girl for you
that is-er-" Tom-''O, | know,
old fellow, she has many faults, but
consider above all, her pa value. p
Hdrper'S Bd-dr.
SIZE ION board the yacht Fleetwingl-
What are they doing. Lieut.. Goldbraid ?
fie-They are weighing the anchor.
She-O, are they ? Would YOU mind
interested III everything OF a nautical
nature.-Epoch.
He (lightly)-A friend of mine told
me to-day that in Cuba a young lady is
not allowed to kiss her lover until after
marriage. She (demurelv)-I shou d
like TO go to Cuba. He (shocked)-
ba? She (tenderly)-Aiter marriage
PtiIadetphjd Record.
"TDfEs are a trihe dull, SIR" he said
addressing fellow-passenger. "Not
with me, was the reply; my business
shows gratifying increase every year. -
May 1 ask the nature of your bust
ness ?" Certainly. I'm the foOl-kIll-
er."-Sdn Francisco Wasp.
Miss GOTHAM Ito Mr.. Wabash, recent
ly returned from abroad III suppose
you were at court while in London, Mr..
Wabash? Mr.. Wabash (uneasily)-
Well-er-yes, Miss Gotham; but only
once, and then | got off with merely
nominal tine.-HGrper'S Bdzdr.
JAwKINs-Beeisteak and potatoes
| again. Bah | wish | had one of the
good dinners my dear old mother used
TO give me. Mrs. inlay be you might
get one, John, if you'd only give me
one of the good checks your dear old
father used to give her Judge.
The report that flour may go up to SIC
a barrel before December next is de.
pressing news, but we can draw conso-
lation from the announcement that the
price demanded for base ball PLAYERS
next season will be much lower than
the rate at which they have been sell.
ing this year.-NorrjSt0uR Herald.
IMPECUNIoUs SWELL was in-aw-a
how'd pwedicament this mawin', Gus
Gus-How so, dean bwoy? |. SD
only the aw-price of-d--aw-hair-cut
y'know, and Law hadn't been to-aw-
bweaklast. Gus--And-aw which did
you get? |. S.-Whar aw-demb absurd
question. Had meh hair cut. of cawse
-Io1ca Topics.
Mas. GoDoLPHIN-Now. what would
be your terms, Mr.. Jones, for giving me
a course, OF a dozen lessons in painting
Jones-Well, frankly, Mrs. Godolphin
Pm afraid it's too late in life for Won tC
begin to start career of art-that is i
you wish to take il up, seriously. Mrs
Cob, | don't. | only want to learn
enough to be able to teach.-Jttdg.
FOND uncle TO 3-year old nephew
willie, | have brought you a present
Can you guess what 1t Is ," well, III
Gle, before making any effort in that d..
rection | would like to call your atten,
ton to new theory in regard to per
petual motion. | have lately been
studying the laws of gravitatioD and
Suffering Caesar. Here I've brought
this kid a red toy balloon with string
on it. "-Linc0la Journal.
IT was at summer resort hotel.
whose proprietor WIS noted for getting
every cent man had before letting him
CO. Bagley had run in for dinner, and
knowing the reputation OF the place, in
quired after he had finished "HoW
much do | owe?" The proprietor
looked him over "a If sizing NJ his
pocketbook. six doiiars," he finally
said. "Humph ~ said Bagley. "Ive
got more money than that. "-JclciSl
1jdinqS.
"MR. WATTERJoNEs." called the nigh
editor down the speaking tube, "this
editorial, A Rascal Unveiled must
have been written under mistaken
idea. 1t charges Col Bikes wit having
committed gross frauds in stuifing the
ballot-box and intimidating voters in
Bourbon County. Col. Bikes is the
chairman of OR congressional commit
tee in that district. You've got him
mixed up with some O.her man. y
"Ha ~ exclaimed the editor, "that will
never do Add to the article, this, OF
course, is the infamous campaign lie
that has been circulated for political eff
feet by the venomous and scoundrelly
enemies of that lnCorruptibie patriot
Col. Bikes and change the heading to
Another Lie Nailed "-Chicdgo Trib-
| lule.