Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-03-01
CARLDUNDER.


Detroit Free Press.
Maybe it vhas because 1 vhas an oldt
Dutchmans dot can't make something's
oudt, but like to know how she vhas.
If hat some snow on der sidewalk in
front of my house a policemans comes
along und says: Now, zoe got dot sno :
right off Or make sooch Law on you as
Will make your heart ache, Doan you
know it vhas dangerous und against der
law! You'd better look sharp oldt mans,
or hat you voere some dogs doan bite
you!
If somebody hat vacant lot next to
: g ind der snow on dot sidewalk vhas so
hoch dot as my shoulder, nopody cleans
him off. Some day when I yhas looking
at her polieemans crawl through dot
snow ind says: I like to know who owns
dot lot. tells him it vhas a merchant
on Woodwar avenue, und dot snow doan
got off before next Shuly. Ga! If vhas
merchant, Ell! Veil dot snow vhas all
right. It doan hurt somepody at all. ind
i vhas fun to wade through it. go in
der house ind sot down ind try to make
it all oudt but I can't do it.
One day my poy Shake shtands oudt
door ind blows horn, foot! toot! foot!
policemans comes aleng ind SAYS:
Shtop dot noise or gif you some collar!
Der idea of blowing dot horn Und makes
the people go crazy! Doan you know it
was against der law to make sooch a
nuisence? Dot scares SHAKE so bad he
he hides down cellar all day but in two
hours more ash four men nit wagons
comes aroundt my place ind blow foot!
T rho oI,
oudt ind ask dot poIicemans to shtop
her. but he says: Doan you know some
tings eIdt mans! Dot vhas according TO
law,und can't stos him.
| goes oop by der Brush farm udd
buys me lot nit feefty feet front.
Maybe I builds me a house somedav.
When tax time comes goes over by der
city hall to pay my taxes. al right Mr.
Dunder, says der man nit der tax book
your tax vhas seexty-seven dollar. Il
seems lice is vhas impossible, bat I hat
to pay her. l vhas going away when
mans comes in ind says he owns four
hoonerd feet next to me und how much
vhas der taxes. Thirty five dollar und
you Will please forgif me dot she vhas SO
high. Because 1 hat lot my taxes vhas
seexty-seven dollars. Because he hat a
piece his taxes vhas shust Won haf. | 90
home und think aboudt him ind I talk
NIT my wife but we can't make her
oudt.
Sometimes on Secondary hitch COP der
PONY ind take der oldt womans ind Shak
out to Sprinfwells to see my brooder-in-
law Dot pony vhas blindt in Won eve
und ne hat two ring bones und two spawn
und he Is so lazy dot he goes jog! Jog!
jog! all der time. We vhas coming home
When p0licemans rushes oudt at US und
says: Now you look oudt! Dot VERY
next time you vhas driving SO fast take
you to der recorders court und make
your fine fife dollar! I shtop to shpeak
nit him a few words und somepody nit
two horses ind carriage ind a silver
harness comes along like lightning ind
almost runs my wheel off. L look at dot
policemans but he dOan see notings.
One day more ash dozen fellers NIT
carts ind wagons comes aroundt my
place und calls rag! rags! rags! until my
headaches. By ind by I goes oudt in
front of my place und calls: Beer! beer!
beer! ind shust SO queek as some weasels
ivhas arrested ind fined tree dollar, und
der shuge says TO me: Mr. Dunden,
vhas ashtonished at you! If you doan
know better ash dot put you in some
asylum NIT der fools! Doan let dot hap
pen again!
Well like said in der shtart, [ can't
make her all oudt ind if somepody can
tell me I vhas mooch obliged ind feel
tickled all oafer.