News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-11-15

klnS. lie sold Jones half interest IN
COW, and then refused to divide the
milk, maintaining that Jones owned the
front half. The COW hooked Snifkins,
and now Snifkins is suing Jones for
damages.
QUESTION OF TIME.
"Ginevra," faltered the young man,
81 despair of being able to express my
feelings toward you as l would like, and
l am afraid you will not have the patience
to listen to me. II always was kind
of slow and bunglesome, you know"
'Shadracb," said the maiden softly,
but with perceptible business like ring
in her voice, 'if you think you can ex-
press yourself in fifteen minutes l will
listen to you. I expect Mr.. Spoona
more Mt o'clock"
And the young man was Just fifteen
seconds by the watch i'll expressing him
self.
Poor, unfortunate Mr.. Spoonamoro I!
Miss Ginevra's good old mother. - CHIC
ago Tribune.
NOT A PAYING PASSENGER.
Thin Party (who is crampel up
These cars ought to charge by weight.
Stout Party-If they did they wouldn't
stop to pick you up.-Tecas SJtings.
A PROGRESSIVE WAITER.
"Give me two fish balls, waiter" said
Boggs, "and some bread"
'Tm sorry, sir, replied the waiter,
"but-
Since those wheat gamblers made then
hauls,
We don't give bread with two fish balls =
He KNEW HIS BUSINESS.
Lady-And what does your father
do?
Littlo Giri---Oh, papa is doctor.
Lady.~-Indeed l suppose he prac-
tices great deal, does he not?
Littlo Girl-Oh, no. He doesn't
practice any more now; lie knows how.
ToCKETING .lN INSULT.
"What did the editor offer you for
your poem r
"Ten marks"
"That was IN insult. What did you
say to him2"
"Nothing. I simply pocketed the in
suit. '-fGeger1de BLt8tteT.
HOW SOON ARE WE DONE FOR.
Visitor Ito convict And who are you,
sir?
Convict-Why, I am the noted Napo-
Icon of Finance. Everybody has heard
of me.
Visitor-Is it possible: Do I really
gaze upon the most noted criminal of
the age2
Convict You do sir. [ suppose the
papers are as full of me as ever!
Visitor-Oh, no; haven't seen your
name mentioned for months.
Convict turning his head to the wall
and wailing)-Ah such is the irony OF
Fate N. Y. Sun.
TRIMMING HIS SAILS.
,, G"smPo p ,t yo%i carry two ;;n WATCHES. &C.
Jack-No bluff, Gus; L carry Water
bury in pocket and Jurgensen IN
the other.
Gus-What's that for?
Jack-When o man to whom 1 owe
money asks me the timo | consult my
Waterbury, but when stranger or a
lady wants the same information it's the
Jurgensen that gives it, and don't you
forget it.-Epoch.
HEARTIEss.
"Ah, Brown, one moment" said the
poet. "Can you suggest title for my
book of poems2 1t is to be published
in the spring"
"Is it collection of your published
works."
eyes"
"Call it Hard Lines"
ASKING TOO MUCH.
Dumley Ito Brown)-I say Brown,
did you chip in five dollars with the
rest of the boys for the charity fund
Brownie, can't afford to give
away five dollars.
Dumley--WelI, that's the way 1 feel.
BY the way, Brown, eau you lend me
Y for few days?
Brown Can't do it possibly, Dumley.
Didn't l just tell you that l can't afford
to give away five dollars?
OF AN INoUIRING MIND.
"Keep away from that" said res
ant-keeper to an Irishman who was
standing in front of newly arrived box
of turtles, holding his finger in evident
pain. "What are doing there, anyhow"
II wor investigating. Investigating
what2' 81 wor trying to see which was
the head and which was the tail ov that
baste over there in the corner ov the
box" "What do you want to know
that for p ''I've a curiosity to know
I've been bit OF stung "--Mer-
ch0nt T7drelT.
NO DOUBT.
She was a pretty salesgir,
He asked her for kiss;
For he was the accepted
OF this fair and blushing miss.
She gave him one, and as she drew
Her rosy lips away
'Is there, asked she, in trembling tones,
Anything else to-day"
-SpinGield Republican