The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1888-10-04
WIT AND HUMOR.


eggs at one meal. The jury said he
died from ovafeeding.-Pack.
There is time when the LATEST man
can hurry. 1t is when the train stops
ten minutes for refreshments.-Puc
Dar's one 'mahkable ting abo't ad-
vice. Wen yo' awtah use hit yo' dun
fawgot hit, jis' laik yo' did wba' yo'
put de onion seed las fall.-Jadge.
There are thousands of people who
devour the continued stories in the
magazines who invariably decline
cereals for breakfast. .-Ha1per's Basdr.
Miss Tennis-Do YOU 90 in much for
athletics, Mr.. Racket? Mr.. Racket
No; 90 out mostly, don't We know
field sports and that sort of thing
Life.
Chloe Gas they stroll by the silvery
sea)-How beautiful de moon am to-
night, 'G,lstus. Augustus-Jus' lubly;
looks like a big slice Oh watermelon!
Judge.
Mr.. c. De Hurst-Aw. waitaw, what
did the cook use in cutting these NUT
ton chops? Anatole-A cleaver, sir,
of course! Mr.. c. De Hurst-Aw, good!
Bring me one!-Pack.
Nervous passenger-And are you
sure there is no danger, officer? Officer
Not bit. The Captains just gone
to take a nap because it's too foggy to
see anything.-LJe.
Peaches seem to be scarce
again this season. Husband-''Yes,
the speculators are bearing the Della
ware peach crop! What are the trees
doing?''-Teras Stttings.
Il was paired five timeslast session"
said the Senator. Good graciousm
exclaimed Miss Fairanthirty, land |
haven't been paired once yet. What
is the fare to Washington?n ?n--B,trdette.
First citizen-Do YOU know what the
Hon. NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. condition is
this morning2 Second citizen-No, /
haven't the faintcst idea; I've just
been reading the latest bulletin
Time.
Mr.. Wiuks-''May have the honor
of your company to the Wagner con-
eert?n Miss dc Blue-"Certainly, |
dote on Vogner When is it?n Mr..
W lhhS NoHSN1J' "tetNCtL'ee"
Record.
There is always somebody who fails
10 enjoy even the most delightful of
festivities. The gladstone clam bake,
for instance, is usually anything but
pleasant to the claims.-JOa731dI Of
Education.
First landlady-What! Twelve dol
Lon J. nd
lip! | never could get but s.. How
did you manage it? Second landlady
i served his coffee in mustache cup.
-CGrtOOR.
Congressman may secure an odd
vote here and there by a judicious DIS
tribution of seeds among there consti-
tuents, but the right things to plant
for votes are public buildings.-OH
Cttg Blizzard.
Child Cooking at ugly man) Who
made man, mamma? God. my dear. :"
Did God make him?" ''Yes, dear. :"
\ marked pause, and then: Il guess
God was tickled when He got him
finished. .'-Judge.
At a seaside hotel you can always
tell a dry goods clerk by the way he
folds his napkin, and bartender by
the way in which he feels under the
table-leaf for drawer of sugar to
sns&en his tea.-Pucb.
Some of the foreign noblemen who
made cOnquestS at the sea shore this
season have already returned to their
barber-chairs, and are prepared to
shave customers with promptness and
dispatch. h.-LjHcoLn Journal.
He was travelling in Greece. '.What
town is this?' he asked as the train
stopped for a moment. This said
his guide, referring to his memoran-
dum-book, s'is the town where Homer
was not born. n."-Harpcr'S B0sar.
Old boy-Thomas, if my wife asks
you where | am tell her that | have
gone to the opera. Servant-Certain-
ly, sir, certainly; but where are you
really going in case anybody else
should want to know?-IcJdS SgtingS.
Dumley (who has given Featherly a
drink from his private bottle)-Do you
believe in free whisky. Featherly?
Featherly Casting the whisky)-Well
-er, yes, Dumley:I think such whisky
as this ought to be free.-NeW York
San.
''Who is that fellow Mrs. Lightfoot
is dancing with?' 80, that's young
Shutemotf, the meter man for the
Stygian Light & Fuel Company" Il
see; that's the reason she turned me
off; she's struck gas swell. bur-
elette.
Philadelphia boy-''Pop, the men
what belong to trusts is awful good,
amt they?" Pop-"What put that
idea into your head?n "Why our
teacher said last Sunday. The good
shall inherit the earth. Phiiddelphia
Record.
Weinstein - Sandmeyer, l vas in
lnck. Sandmeyer-How vos dot, key?
Weinstein i hof bin occepted py
Guggenheimer's widow! Nose Guggcn-
heimer yos yust my size, und you
know vot wardrobe dot feller had,
Gakey.-1ime.
Stranger (to bartender in ''art gal
lery')-I see you have fine interior
decorations here. my friend. Barten-
der Best in the City, sir. There is Il
bottle of interior decoration that has
been.i the cellar for twenty years.
Ne1C I0rk Sun.
First iar-ssTalking about rare coins.
nay brother has one of the original
pieces for which Joseph was sold by
his brethren" Second liar-''That's
nothing. I've got an uncle who owns
the identical ladder Jacob saw in his
dream. ."-IeraS SJtings.
Invalid-''I have been here now for
SIX weeks and | don n'tsee that the water
has had the slightest effect DR.. Can
did-'You must have patience. There
was man here last season who didn't
die until after he had been here two
months. ."-IeJdS SitttngS.
New York Sun: MAN overboardl man
oFerboard!" was the startling cry which
rang over the new steamship, the City OF
Oshkosh, as she fought her way through
the surging waves. straining every tim