Iuka reporter. (Iuka, Miss.) 1888-1894, 1888-06-07
A POWERFUL EMPIRE.

" eA..6Fl
A POWERFUL EMPIRE.
Harlem Teacher Tommy Traddles
may tell us what the greatest empire in
the world is;
Tommy Traddles Captain of his nine)
.-Furgerson; he's de greatest empire.
STRANGE.
"This is very strange" remarked
Billy Bliven thoughtfully after he had
tasted the contents of his butter dish.
Very strange indeed"
"What is strange ?"
"That such delicate, pale butter
should turn out to be SO robust. -Mer-
Chant Traoeller.
THE TROUBLE.
Doctor (who finds tramp groaning
by the roadside)-What is the matter
with you9
Tramp (dolefully)-My system is all
run down.
Doctor-By whata
Tramp-By dog. Burlington Free
Press.
UP AND DOWN.
Gentleman suppose you make as
many trips up as down during the day,
don't yon, sonny?
New elevator boy-Yes, sir; in the
mornings when the people are going to
work all the trips is up, and when they
close up in the afternoon all the trips is
down.
THE FIRST OF MAY.
Jabber-Hello, old man! Spring clean
ing at your house this week?
Jiber-No, not muchs
Jabber-No? How in the world do
you get rid of the pesky thing2
Jlber-Easy enough. We move into
new house on the LIST of May.
DISCOVERY.
Anxious Father-Why, what's the
matter?
Little Son--Me an Dick was playin'
we was Abe Lincoln an splittin' rails,
an wen we got that big board all chop
ped up mamma came out an took the
wood in the house for kindlin'.
"But you didn't want the wood, did
you?"
"No-o."
'"Then what are you crying fori"
'Iye just found out II amt been
playin'. 1--we been workin'-boo,
boo!" Omaha World.
THE LAST STRAW.
He had been walking up and down
the room with the baby for two hours.
"John," said his wife, from among
the pillows, ''you don't look very,weIl'
of late. Tn afraid you don't get exer-
else enough"
John laid the baby in the crib, with
its feet on the pillow, and went to sleep.
-Harpers Basar.
KEEPING UP APPEARANCES.
"Now, john" said wife who was
going on journey, ''when you bid me
goodbye on the train, you mustn't lift
your hat or kiss me-"
"Why not2"
because people will think that you
are not my husband
NOT IN.
DUDLEY (who is not as big fool as
he looks)-Did you, all, give my card to
Miss Bondclipper?
Servant-Yes, sir.
Dudely-What did she saya'
Servsnt-She told me to tell you, sir,
that she was very sorry that she was not
in.
Dudely-Ah, indeed Please tell your
mistress that 1 said I was glad did
not call.
SETTLING.
81 think an egg would make that
coffee settle, Mr.. Scadgers, said the i'm
pecunious boarder, heedlessly.
IF the recipe is good one, pray let
Ine offer you an egg, Mr.. Sloapa," said
the landlady severely, and then the con-
versation languished.
WARM PROCEEDING.
Brown-What's the matter, Dumley;
you look hot about something's
Dumley (angrily)- Hot! / should say
so. I was around at the Eagle Just now,
and that fool Featherly dropped chunk
of ice down my back. Enough to make
any nan hotl-N. Y. Sun.
RESIGNED.
CHOW, Bobby" said his sister, sharp
ly, as the boy opened the parlor door,
'syou get to bed 1T once!" Then she con-
tinued:
"No, Mr.. Sampson, she said, gently.
II can only be a sister to-"
Gin that case, Miss Smith, interrupt
cd Young Samson, chokingly, 81 may as
we'll get to bed at once;" and winding
his new Newmarket around his form,
he strobe mournfully homewards.
Life.