Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1888-10-14
ONE WAY TO WRITE IT,

Write in modern reportorisl foim, some.
thing as follows, the account OF on en-
gagement between David and Goliath:
"a slight South wind wss blowing down
TIE valley OF E!ah, vaering little to west
ward and showing some signs of raia in
the d ;ubtful States BEFORE night, as the sun
70, above the camp ground OF the Fifth
Battalion OF Israelite Infantry, with Saul's
headquarters little further up the gulch
ntar tie Court House.
The bright glitter of burniste1 srmor
and the smell Of hot coffee pervsded the
scene, while across tie creek ard en-
campo over towards Ephes-Dimmim and
the Bethlehem saw-mill sto ID the a tents
of the Philis.inss. Softly the two con-
ie 1dine armies awcBe He;e and there
the briy of an ass or Philistine broke the
sti!lness, and the practical ear could now
and then hear the bowels If the esr.h
rum BILE as Goliah turned over in bis bid
and thought about the text Of his opening
defiance 10 the lrae lites.
"Gradually The pickles and the Philis'
tine advance guard were called in to break
fast and promptly at 10 o'clock Goliath,
| with new zinc overcoat aud copper Gun
bonnet, fsctd with chilled st ell and tied
on with telegraph wire, appeared on the
grand = md facing the camp CT the Israel
lies, followed by Colonel Fitz John Abim-
ilech. of Gath, who introduced Goliat1
briefly as follows:
Fellow ,ldiers Of the regular Philistine
army and PIE biting Je)manry of Israel:
We have with ne this morning gentle
man from Gath, who has consented at
great expense 20 cancel his dates with the
Great Congress Of Wonders, now exhibit
ing among onr people, and to come here
for two weeks engagement as defer o.!
Israel, at $500 for Zach and every defiance,
ami his expenses, including press notice.
| take pleasure in introducing Phiness T.
Goliath, of Gath, who will now address
you.
Goliath, who is q msn considerably
above the medium height and dressed in
forced sale of hardware, tinware and
MOTORS, came forward aud, splitting on his
HANDS IN order the better to clutch his cast.
iron stab knife, remarks as follows: Gen
tIemen of Israel, 1 have the hon,r to state
that repre-e 1T the army of the Philistire'
who d ssiIes ne 10 act as arbitrator in this
matter with anybody you want to select
from your place. hope to ples:e one aud
all in the future as have in the past and
to state that do not care to brag or boast,
but TINT have never been fairly knoS ked
out. I've quit rum now, and propose to
hold myself ra1y to please one srd
all. GIN safely say that the stories
about my being anything bu. q gentle
man is desd wren :, and If any gentleman
Of Israel wants nee to d. him up ard will
Just put up bis dukes to protect bi, move
msnt, I'll show Saul aud his home guards
the BEST job of slugging they ever seen,,
and will also fight ss thirty yard, rise.
Bring out one of your representative men
aud will send him tone with circum-
hsx over each eye Trot out q rising
Young man and see how soon he lie not
thus. en- q Philistioe aid have voted
that ticket ever sir C, quit we wing pants
that faced both ways. / an rot prju-
diced sgin your people, but if you want to
see q short, thick s,t scrsp with soul into
j., serd out your most successful man.
See.
HE then stood on bis hands for moment
aud turning o back scmersault with HE
heavy iron undercioshes and zirc overcoat
on, cracked b heels lightly together and
putting buff,lo chip On his shoulder
wsIksd up ard down in front of the grand
staad. Al this time Q sna rarchmaD
from Betblshem-J udah crawled through
hole in the fence aud sksd Saul what be
would do fer any body who would put a
nose on the uncircamci,ei side-show giant
with the tin cverccat. TIE King stated
that he would make him very rich and
give him his daughter to
wife and . tp,n Of horses with
saved of tails and position IN the cus-
tom house, and tbs yourg msn from Beth
lshsm-Jpdah said that NoulA b atsae-