Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1888-06-15
AN UNTITLED MISSION.

AN UNTITLED MISSION.
After fifty quiet and obscure years
there took place great event in the
life of Levi Sowzer, OF Pennyroyal
township. He was commissioned by
the congregation of Elk Horn Church
to 60 down 10 Little Rock and buy a
new outfit of hymn books Levi,
when the congregation by a rising
vote had elected him, arose in crimson
embarrassment and said: MY dear
brothers and sisters, I'm mighty afraid
that you have made a mistake. I've
been livn' in the woods all my life an
never have seed a town that you
couldn't kiver with a good-sized hoss
blanket Ny opinion is that il takes
a putty sharp feller to buy them hyme
books Ii strikes me that feller
mout be able To pick out seed con AN
have a putty far mack at trading
horses an still not be the right pusson
10 send after hyme books, but, il you
fellers insist, wy, she pops. may
not fetch books with fancy kivers, but
YOU may rest ashored that the insides
will be all right"
Lewis wife had seen good society.
She had, a short time previous to her
marriage. spent a few weeks at Tuck
er's Ford, visiting n family into which
spittoons, aS u social experiment, had
been introduced She became very
deeply impressed; and, ever afterward
when she desired To lead IA converse
tion into particularly refined chan
mel, would speak OF the spittoons at
fuckers Ford.
Mrs. Sowzer was proud OF her hus-
bands hymn book appointment, but
regretted deeply that the expense APP
preparation did not permit her TO ac-
company him.
Levi, she said, you are goin' 10
see some fine society down thar"
Il reckon so, Sue
An don't want you To ack like
you never seed nothin.n
"I'll try mighty hard not to-
"In society, Levi, folks estimate you
n good deal by what you have seed
That's what lowed"
Levi, they've got spittoons down
thar"
"DO Won reckon soY'
II know in season they have, fur ef
| reccolleck right, them spittoons at
fuckers Ford come from thar.
They've got 'em in the churches down
thar"
You don't sayY'
Yes, an don't want YOU to hang
back about spittin' in 'em No mat
ter how putty they look, jist blaze
away like you never did spit nowhar
else
IN do IL il it takes the ha'r of in
spots.
When Levi returned home some Of
the influential members Of Elk Horn
Church went over To see their hymn
books.
Boys said Levi, 'lissun To me.
didn't fetch no books
What, no booksw they exclaimed.
Lissun 10 me. My wife you know
havin' seed good society, is sorter
crazy on the subject o spittoons, an
she was powerful anxious about my
actin right when got In the presence
o. one Wall, when got down yon-
der, / went to church, an while ] was
sittin' thar with "A mouth full o. ter
hacker feller showed a contrapshun
at me, an thinkin' il was the spittoon
| let drive an filed il mighty nigh
full. The feller flung the whole biz
ness in my face an while ! was "A
wipin' my face on the feller's coat
tail, a sheriff drug me out an put me
In Jail an the next morning the jedgc
tuck every cent o money | had, 40 ]
couldn't buy no books. Nose Gilfn.
you air the head man amongst us. an
I'll leave it to you. Now, If you had
er been in my place, hayin' married
the woman ] did, an had er been
sittin' thar an feller had showed
a contrapshun at you, what would
youer donel
Nose. after moments reflection,
soleinnly replied: II would spit right
dab in Il ef had knowed II would
tuck all the bar Of Brethren, we'll
jest nachuIly have to do without hymn
books n while longer Levi, let me
try little o. yore tabacker"