The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1888-01-26
rvLL or FUN.

FULL or FUN.
-Fathor- Tommy. does your teach.
er use switchr' Tommy-''Whatre
you givin' us. pa; he's a mani'-BWr-
iinqton Free Press.
Al Illinois COW was brought up
into our climate last spring, and II
made her feel SO young she's lost ten
wrinkles off her horns already. DID,
lnsh Pdragrapher
Boston Mamma-''Y OH mustn't
speak Of your legs. Flossie, when we
have company. 1t isn't polite" Flos.
sie-"What should I say. mamma,
drumsticksP"-M r Sun.
Bridget, did you hear the door
bellp" "Yis, num-" 'Then why
don't you 60 to the doorp'' ''Shure.
mum. I'm not expectin' onybody 10
call on me. It must he somebody to
sec you yourself"
After ALT can not say yes,
Walter. I shall always be sis"
''Sister to mep No. you won't" .'Yes,
Walter; your brother Charles pro.
posed to me last night and I accepted
him. life.
The tendency Of bills Of fare, "not
to lie, but to deceive" was well illus
tratcd by Springfield MASS. hotel
the other day when plain. everyday
apple dumping was served up under
the name Of ''Eve's pudding"
The Coolest Thing Out
When billiards blix,
An coal is riz,
An tempests tempt their boldest
We shiverng shiv,
And scarce can live
For street car stoves ore coolest.
Detroit Free Press.
The minister was dining with the
family, and lie said to Bobby. with an
amused smile: "rm afraid, Bobby,
that you haven't the patience of Job"
mo. SIR" responded Bobby, who was
hungry, ''but Job wasn't always help
ed last. "-Epoch.
Neither Happy: Jones (meeting
Smith, with whom ho was out the night
before)-'Ha, me boy! Get home all
right" Smith (gloomily)--"Yes, but
my wife wouldn't speak to mo-"
Jones (enviously)-''Lucky fellowi
Mine did. "-Boston Courier.
We often read of man finding
q pearl worth $25 in an oyster. but
we never heard Of an oyster worth
$25 being found in q pearl. Will some
old scientist please explain the where
foreness Of the whichness of this rule
that refuses to work both waysp--
Drake's Magazine.
Tommy was to tend door that
afternoon. If any body calls for me
tell them I'm engaged" said his sis
ter. "All right" said Tommy. Pret.
ty soon dashing Mr. De Smith called.
is your sister in. Tommyp' 'Yes'r;
but she's promised to marry a fellow
and can't see any body. dY."-Burltnqton
Free Press.
THE Judge then proceeded to
charge the Jury" read Mrs McGud-
ley from an account of trial. '.Now.
amt that dreadful" she commenced,
a. she laid down the paper. .'to think
Of taking those men away from their
business and settin' them down to
listen for days and days to all sorts Of
talk from the witnesses. and then
charging them for it. It's an OUT
rage. 50 It s."-Merchant Traveller.
| "A teacher. in trying to explain to
her scholars the meaning of repent
ance. used this illustration: Sup
pose q bad boy were to steal an
orange, and his good mother should
catch him with it. and take him by
the hand gently and tell him how
wicked 1t is. and how very, very
grieved she was. don't you think,
now, that the little boy ought to feel
sorrYP" One Of the scholars eagerly
replied, "Yes, num-" "And why,
Marmadukep" "Cause." Because
why. MarmadukeP' because he
hadn't ct the orange befo' his ma
cotch him and tuck it away from
himv'- Chambers Journal.