davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27

Senator Ingalls, daughter, Ethel, is
writing society letters for the news
papers, and with the proceeds will help
her father rebuild his Kansas hGme.
Ethel, two years or more from date, after
you have wOundlround about your supple
form a beautiful drapery of nervous
pTOstration and wild despair in your en-
deavor to earn more than your board
and room at 81 a week writing society
letters for newspapers. you will come to
the conclusion, with the rest of us, that
you can't rebuild much of home in
that way. A one-rOom home, heated by
an oil stove and painted with a white
wash brush, is about as elaborate an af-
fair as the average writer of society let
tiers can afford to live in.
Hundreds of ambitious and worthy
young women have been writing society
letters for the past ten years for the
purpose of building home, and now,
just as they have worked up courage
enough to talk with a real estate agent
about buying a lot on the installment
plan, you cut into the market and
menace their income. Ethel, if you
want to rebuild your fathers home don't
write society letters OF anything else for
the newspapers. &c on the stage, show
how much you know about wearing
good clothes and how little you know
about acting, and make millions.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
There Mas Room for All

Omaha World.
= Mormon Bishop pointing from the car
window to circus tent)-''There, my
daughter, is something which will be
new to you"
Fav0rite Daughter-''How nice that
is! Why don't we have that kind at
home?"
That kind? Why, what do you think
it is?''
"a family nmbrella.n
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
No Need to Send Abroad.

Young Wife-John, did you post my
letter asking Mr.. Potts, of New York,
to send me new hustle of the largest
size?
Young Husband-No; l didn't think
it was necessary.
Young Wife-Why not, if l may ask?
Young Decentralization Tomney is
gong to enlarge his paper next week.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
The Round Trim.

Binghamton Republican.
Tourist-My physician has advised
me to locate where l may get the south
wind. Does it ever blow here?
Native-Well, sir, l may say as you're
lucky to have come to this place. The
south wind always blows here.
Tourist-Always? But it seems to be
blowing from the north now.
Native-Oh, it may be coming from
that direction, but its the south wind.
It's coming back, you know.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
The Republican programmes.

"What do you think is the programme
of the Republican party for this cam
paign?" was asked Roger Connor the
other day.
well" said the great anti-kicker,
meditatively; ''as far as | can see, it's
Blaine on deck, Sherman in the hole,
Allison on the roof
''Wh0'S in the CELLAR
"Oh, Ingalls,"
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
He Wanted a Good One.


Nervous Citizen-You sell pianos, 1
suppose?
Music Dealer-That's my business.
SCOT any good, strong ones?'
''BeSt in the market"
SCOT one that | couldn't knock into a
cooked hat with an aX?'
81 think can suit YOU"
'Haye you got one that could dance
arOu on the keys with heavy boots
and not injure it?'
81 guess So"
''Do you think you could furnish me
one that l could throw down the back
stairs and drag out in the alley without
scratching or cracking it,"
81 think So"
SD like TO have you say for sure, for
Pm going to get one for my daughter to
practice on, and l want to be sure it will
stand the racket"
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
He Needed Money.

Rashley-Hello Martin, what's up. l
see you've mortgaged your coal bust
ness.
Martin-YeS.
"And hear you're negotiating a loan
on your up country farm"
eyes"
"What the deuce's the matter?"
''Oh need some ready cash."
SCOT in a corner, hey""
eyes, Pve just received the bill for
my Wife'S new spring bonnet"
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
BRIGHT BREEZES.
To COVER HER BASQUE.

The maiden has dotted her seal sacque,
For The bright days of spring have come
bacQue
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
irresponsible Husbands.

Down in Nebraska, in a little town
called Utica, the women have organ
lzed brass band. 1t will not be many
days before the local papers will pub
llsh advertisements reading as follows:
NOTICE.
The undersigned hereby notifies the
public that he will not be responsible
for any notes that may be given by his
wife.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
Not in Fashion.

Native of Philadelphia (who has re-
Gently come to New York, discussing
the benefits of that peaceful metropolis
with friend who once enjoyed brief
soJonrn IN the city OF brotherly love-
Didn't you notice the absence of hustle
there, Mr.. Scott?
"Why, no; can't say that did. But
it was so long ago, perhaps they had not
come in yet"
81 mean connection, SIR"
Dag pardon, madame"
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27

after notoriety, if you yearn for lauda-
ton, if you feel the need of large, round
wads of greenbacEs, if you long to see
editors and reporters, and in fact the
whole world crouching at your feet
eSchew politics, go up in balloon 5000
or 1000 feet, come down in parachute,
and, if you can manage to strike in a
tree, the world is yours.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
An Improvement.

Boston Transcript.
''Well, Dolly" hiccoughed Jim
Downey, down in Warsaw,the evening,
Il have about concluded to join the I'M
proved Order of Red Men,"
Dolly looked up from her sewing, and
very quietly remarked that she thought
he would better join the improved
Order of White Men.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
He Stood no Show.

First Citizen-Have you heard the
latest?
Second Citizen-No; what is it?
".,EEyerreadiy wants to go to congress-
"You don't say"
''It's fact"
We'll, if he goes he won't amount to
"Think note'
Yes; his wife is very plain-looking
woman, you know"
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
Familiar With the Subject.

Young Mr.. Freshly Ito his tutor)-Will
you tell me something of the reign of
terror? You know all about it, l believe.
Absent-Minded professor-Reign of
terror? Know all all about it? / should
say did. Six children at my house
oldest nine-yOungest three-and all
down with the whooping cough.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
An Undesirable Ally

Higgins-I hear that old Scroggs, sup
posed to be rabid protectionist, has
been misrepresented. Only last night
he. declared that he thought the
duties on the necessities of life should
be removed.
Stiggins-Stuff! Don't count on him:
he's a PrOhibitionist. Do you want
opium and cocaine put on the free list?
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
We Was With Them in Spirit.


School Teacher-Where is Tommy?
He is never in his class when we begin
scripture lesson.
Harry (eagerly)-Oh, but Pm sure he
doesn't forget his lesson, because yes
terday while you were asking about st.
Peters denial | heard him crow twice
out in the ward
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
Positively No Danger.

Detroit Free Press.
Carker Gin hotel corridor)-Let's get
out of here, Barker.
Barker-What's the matter?
Carker-ThoSe two big men are hay
ing such a violent discussion that I'm
afraid it will end in fight.
Barker (carelessly)-NO danger of
that. They're both pugilists.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
"Oht before LONG -
Honor Among Thieves.

JUuSG.
Some one remarked that a certain
lawyer was at daggers drawn with an
other leading member of the profession.
ooh! that's nothing" was the COM
ment of another; lawyers are like
blades of a pair of scissors. They never
cut each other, but woe to whatever
comes between themI'
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
Fun VS.. Favor

First Citizen-Hello, Jones, what's the
matter with your hand?
Jones-Oh, was out having some fun
playing ball yesterday and broke a
couple of fingers; that's all.
First Citizen "a month later)-Hello,
Jones, see you've got your hand in a
sling again.
JOnes-Yes, l hammered my thumb
putting up a curtain fixture for my
wife. A woman is all the time getting
RfellOw into some kind of a fix. You
bet my wife III put up her own fixtures
RfteT this.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
Wasn't Looking for the Key-HoIe

DeIrOIt Free Press.
A citizen stood in an unsteady way
gazing at a front door on First street the
other night and another belated who
passed that way halted and asked:
Looking for the key-hole, old fell
low?"
'Chee-holep
"Yes."
mo, EUR. Pve goz way beyond That,
sur. Pm looking for Ter door itself.
SheemS to be too many of 'em here.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
He Was Safe,

"John," said the wife, tenderly,
promise me that if should be taken
away you will never marry Nance Tar
box"
Certainly, Maria," replied the hus-
band, reasSuringly, II can promise you
that. She refused me three times when
L was much handsomer man than l
am now"
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
Misapplied Science,


III
Mrs. De Troit (who has just built
new house)-Our decorator told me [
ought to have globule for the library.
Dealer-You mean globe, madame.
Here's fine one.
Mrs. De TrOit-Yes, but l want a
square one to tit in particular corner
near the fireplace.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
Animosity After Death.

Reporter Ito assistant editor)-Can
you chip in something towards burying
the prOof-reader. He died without a
cent.
Assistant Editor-How much do you
want me to give?
Zone dollar"
"Well, there are 50; bury him 81
worth DEEPER"
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
The Last Straw.
Judge.

UUOSt
There has been a terrible scene be-
tween husband and wife. At last the
latter, not thinking Of anything more
outrageous to say. mildly inquiries:
'And pray what are you looking at
me in that stupid way for?''
Il am watching you grow Old"
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
She viii Always Hate Him.

Merchant Traveller.
"My canary is dead" sobbed young
wife to the boarder who had the room
arosS the hall.
"You don't say sop
eyes; the poor little thing has uttered
its last joyous note. How we will
m-miss the little CHEEKY v-voice in the
early m-morning" g.
Eyes, we will. If it wasn't for your
baby now we could sleep plumb up to
the ringing of the breakfast bell.n =.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
An Outside Study.

Old Boggs-Fve come up to see about
these bills o. yOurn, Harry.
Harry-Yes. sir; but you know
scientific education is very expensive.
Old Boggs-I dessay it is, Harry; but
if you took mathematics instead of
poker it would not only be less expen-
sive, but might prove of more use to you
later.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
Stem by Sten.

Michael Ney is about to patent an i'm
prOvement on the telephone which will
make the merest whisper audible and
thus step by step the dreamy inventor
crowds to the wall the man with a pro-
fame tendency and gives him chance
in the moment of his wild agony to utter
nothing louder than pant.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
Wanted Something Snowy

Old Maid-What is the most snowy
color you have in hosiery?
aleslady-Scarlet.
Give me a pair of the longest you
For bathing costume?,
mo, I'm learning to ride a tricycla -
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
RoMEsPUN PARAGRAPHS.
By TOM HOLMES.

st. Paul PhySician-You say you
Suffer from dizziness?
Patient-Yes, sir.
"And feel weak"
"YeS, sir"
as your appetite good?"
cts ravenOus"
"Ah, see, you often eat very heart
ily."
Never; I'm a song and dance man."
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
Accounted For.

st. Paul Doctor see by the latest
medicine report, that Miss Garrett An
derson, the leading physician of Leeds,
England, is reported to have an annual
income of $4,000.
Patient-That accounts for the terri
bic death rate of Leeds.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
He Was Safe,

Judge.
Briefess-Do you know that our
friend Quashit has new typewriter?
Quibble-He. has, eh? I'll bet you he's
married inside of year.
Briefiess-No, it isn't as dangerous as
that. Only freckle-face boy of twenty.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
He Wouldn't Notice 1t.


Judge.
Sheriff (his first execution) Pm afraid
that rope isn't fixed around your neck
in the most approved fashion.
Condemned Man-Oh, bless your soul!
don't worry about a little thing like
that. Shan't notice it.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27

No, my boy; you should not adopt
politics as profession. Politics is apt
to faint your morals-also your breath.
Politics is profitable only to editors and
vendors of strong drink. If YOU want
fame. my boy-if you hunger and thirst
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
A Bit of Advice.

Never; I'm a song and dance man."
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
A Great Loss.
Judge

Judge. ..
NO" he said. 81 never think of the
city of Washington except as the city Of
my ruin.
your ruin! l don't understand you"
81 lost cool $4,000 there in one
night"
''At cardS?'
''No, the girl said she had promised
to be another's."
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
A Queer Diet.
Judge.


Wiggins-Hello, Bobley! How's this?
what's become of that gold-mounted
Umbrella you were carrying the. other
day?
Bobley-Pve eaten it.
Wiggins-Eh?
Bobley-Yes-pawned it to pay
board bill.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
A Trifle RiCkety.

Senator SALISBURY, of Delaware, is
the only bachelor in the United States
senate, and yet he cannot be consist
emily called woman hater since he is
q warm admirer of Della Ware.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
Next
Detroit Free Press.

Detroit Free Press.
He marched into an insurance office
on Griswold street, pointed to his empty
sleeve and said:
'.i4ost it at Antietam'
''Your arm?' queried the clerk.
Certainly. was at what is known
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
While Traversing the Ties.

Judge.
Friend-Don't you find it monotonous
work travelling from city to city?
ActOr-No, indeed; one has to be con-
stantly on the lookout for wildcats and
specials.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
She Was in a Hurry.

JUuSt.
She-Sir. what do you mean by put
ting your arm around my waist?
He-Do you object?
She-Mr. Arthur Gordon. I'll give you
just five hours to remove your arm.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
Cause and Effect
Judge.

Judge.
In cafe.
''Waiter, these dominoes are in a
filthy condftion-all spotted and broken
mot fit for gentlemen to play with"
I"Oh! see, sir; you've been losing"
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27

handle as SpecaltieS the best Minnetonka prop
Wayzata, Minnetonka Central addition, Bay st.
Louis, Cottagewood, Long Beach, Spring Park, Lake
Park RockWels Island, Spray Island several other
acres adjoining. also have cottages to rent No
better bargains can be offered in Minnetonka prop
erty than can give. Call upon me and see
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
Landlord and Tenant.

Judge.
Now, about how soon shall you be
able to have the roof mended, my dear
sir?"
"Oh! before long,"
perhaps you are not aware that it
leaks terribly, and we are thus at the
mercy of every passing shower"
"Well! what of that? | presume you
have umbrellas in the hOuSen'
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27
MEANWHILE PARK,

On the south shore of Lake DIinnetonka is one of
the most desirable and pleasant tracts on that we'll
kn a resort; easy access to two depos grounds
rectiOn. These lots find ready customers and are
valuable property Can be bought on easy terms and
moderate prices. Call on me at 407 Boston Block
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-05-27

Rooms to let ads. in the GLOBE are seen by
Hooi0 the most people.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1888-07-09

PONGEES-We have an Ele- gant Assortment of Tufted Pon- gees in Plain and Striped, suita- ble for Combinations, in Black and Colored at 12 1-2 per yd
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1888-07-09

We are training physically tho future chiI- dren when we give their prospective r1oth,, better. stronger bodiea
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1888-07-09
A New Sect fin Germany.

A new sect has been added to the already numerous religious communities in Ger many. Its members call themselves the Free Brethren in Christ" Their chief dom- lcile IS in and about the town of Zwickau GSaxony), and their leader a carpenter.
 Their worship Is a mixtum compositum of the rites of the several scots known in the iVoightland. They sing Methodist hymns, and, like the 1rvingises, they believe in an early bodily reappearancs of Christ, and,
 with the Anahaptists, they consider it sinful to christen children. Instead of the Lords Supper, they partake of a "Feast of Love. |" Their converts are chiefly recruited from among the fair sex.-Boston Transcript
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1888-07-09
VICTORIA LAWNS I've
GINGH AMS-A Good Assort.

ment of Scotch and Hyphen Ginghams, in Large and Medi- um Check at 10c per yard.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1888-07-09
THE COWBOY.

Ruddy and brown, careless and free king in the saddle-he rides at will osr tho measureless range where rarely change The swart gray plains weird and strange, Treeices, and streamless, and wondrous still! Often alone, his saddle Q throne, He scans like sheik the numberless herd: Where the buffalo grass and the sage grass dry In the hot, white glare of cloudless sky; And tho music of streams is never heard.
 John Antrobus.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1888-07-09

vances. the iuxuries of the present become the necessities of the succeeding age
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1888-07-09
CHECKED MUSLINS-We

have a Large Assortmsnt Of these Goods, in Large and Small Checks We will sell at Sc per yd
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1888-07-09
Boarders Wanted.

Rooms newly furnished throughout Can ac few good parties with Room an.I Board. First class board at reasonable rates
 l4O East Main Street. Next to Spencer $ Pierpont's
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1888-07-09

N. B.-In our Linen, Print and Cotton Departments, we are off, fering some extraordinary bar gains which space does not per init us to quote.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1888-07-09

LAWNS-we have a few beau. tiful Patterns, Figured Lawns, we will close out at Sc ger yd.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1888-07-09
PIOUE-A small lot of Fine

Corded Piques at 3 1-2 cents per yard, and Five Pieces Handsome Lace Pique at 9c per yard.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1888-07-09

CHALLIES-We are showing an endless variety of these Styl- ish Goods, some beautiful Pat terms as low as 1-2 cts per yd NUNS YELLING I've are showing an Extra Bargain in these Fashionable Goods at Tic per yard.
Waterbury evening Democrat., 1888-07-09
ORGANDIE MUSLINS l.

Some Elegant Styles in these Goods reduced to , 1-2 and 7c per yard.
Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1888-04-19
An Important D.s,sion.

< SALT LAKE, UTAH, April 18.-Judge
Sane, gfRs the Third District court, has
reHdered decision of great importance
TO the sheep and cattlemen of the west.
The Psomontory Cattle Company, a few
years ago, purchased large tract OF
rAiiFosdtsnd in Boxelder county. Rail
way land4 assl tie even numbered Sec
tons, the alternate sections still belong
ing to the public domain. Through this
purchase they became owners Of railroad
Hands or tracts Of country stretching
forty miles north and south and thirty
six miles esst and west. The gov
eminent lands, which are included
in this ares, foot up more
than $50, $50 acres. John S. Houtz, and q
score Of others, the defendants, who own
lsrge docks Of sheep, claimed they had q
right. % the use Of public lands for graz
ing purposes, and also to pass over the
cqWPsny's lands to get there. The sheep
1spped herb1ge on the compsny's lands in
'cpossing, and as the company could not
fence except in single sections, for that
would inclose government lands, an
application WAS made to the court asking
that the sheepmen be kept of the tract
tie Injunction, and he said If an injunc-
tion,E4s issued it would secure to the
plaintiff the right not only to its own
land but also the exclusive right to the
use of government land. It would further
impsrt great hsrdships on all persons
driving this class of stock from one Sec
ton to another in compelling them to gel
around tract thirty-six by forty miles.
Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1888-04-19

Frank G. Hall, who is under sentence
OF death in Philsdelphis, is described by
newspaper in that city as being OF 8
kind and lovable disposition and passion
ately fond of flowers. His gentle nature
wss shown in the tender care ne exhibit
ed for poor, little, half-starVed mouse
that wandered into mis- cell. He gave it
psrt of his pie. Charitable ladies take 9
great deal Of interest in Hall, and thinkft
is cruel and brutal thing that he should
have been sentenced to die. His oftense
was q very triViallone. He enticed VIC
man away from her husband, broke up
her home, beat her nearly to death twice,
and then showed his gentle and affection
ate nature by cutting her throat from ear
to ear while she pleaded piteously for
life,
Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1888-04-19

Moy Pc is sn intelligent young China
man, who WAS educated by Mrs. Edward
Hopes of DswningtoWn, Pa, and has
now returned to Canton to act as an in
terpreter for English and American mer-
chants. he thinks that the method OF
putting the Christian name before the
surname is altogether wrong. "It ought
to be Smith John the same as we do in
China" he said in explaining his reasop,
"because when the baby is born to MIR
Smith his name is already Smith. II you
want to call his first name John that
ought TO come second, not first. My
family name is Nov. Thst comes first
Then Pc next. See?"