Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1888-07-28
HUMOR.

| JUDGE-What sort of man, now,
was 1t whom you saw commit the as
sault? Constable-Sure,y yer honor, he
was small, insignificant cfaythur-
about yer own size, yer honor.
WIFE Ito unhappy husband)-t would
not worry, John; it does not do any
good to borrow trouble. Husband
Borrow trouble? Great Caesar, my
dear, I amt borrowing trouble I've got
| it to lend.
IT was Il pretty bright and sensible
man. physician, who said Of a certain
| church that ait was dying of the foot
| and-mouth disease; the members spent
all their time going about talking of
each other"
THE Chinese minister is afraid of
dogs says the New York Morning
Jo'u7,di. Certainly he is. He is afraid
they will drive the rats away. This
would spoil his soup, mo rattee, no
soupee l''-drcOId Record.
ACCORDING to an old superstition Of
the medieval church, whenever Il cock
crows lie is being told. The reason
that cocks crow 50 per4istently i'll tho
early morning hours is because the
morning papers are being set up.
MANAGER of opera-Mr. Editor, your
paper says that our company should he
suppressed, that respectable people
would not patronize it, and that the
ballet is disgraceful. Eyes, sir; and |
can't retract q word l have said" "Who
wants you to? Here's $50 and passes
for your family. When man treats
me white l appreciate it. Whoop 'er
up some more. "-NeJrdShd state Jour
ttdh
A MAN down on the South SIDE put u
sign in his window which read: boy
Wanted" A few hours later passcrs by
saw him jerk it down wrathfully and
tear it up, while he gave vent to some
very bad language. Finally a neighbor
approached and asked the cause of his
anger, when it was learned that his wife
had just presented him with male trip
let's. Still there are people who do not
believe that advertising pays.-PeckS
SIM.
ELA1ED young suitor (who has Just
won papa overland now -ah-sir,
| would like to-ah-as if your daugh-
ter has any domestic accomplishments.
Old man (proudly)-My boy, you ought
to see some of her hard and soft boiled
eggs, to say nothing of her toast. Small
hopeful of twelve from behind curtain)
Wait till YOU try some of her cake
though brother-in-law, and you'll think
you've bit into Il piece of pig lron.-
Pech's SIN.
A CoLoRED preacher in Georgia
prophesies that on u certain day near at
hand the Lord will take all of the
negroes to Egypt. The Lord don't go
much on social entertainment, but when
he sets out to get up a surprise party,
everything of the kind has to take a
back seat. If those Egyptians are not
surprised when that gang of coons
comes whooping into their midst then
the SIM misses its guess.-Pechs sun.
The bard was asked to compose lit
| tie poem upon his childhood, and this is
what he produced: "How dear to my
heart is the school | attended, and how
| remember, so distant and dim, that
red-headed Bill and the pin that
Blended and carefully put on the bench
under him. And how | recall the sur
prise of the master, when Bill gave d
yell and spranS up from the pin, SC
high that his bullet head smashed W
the plaster above, and the scholars all
set up a din. That active boy Billy
that high-leaping Billy, that loud
shouting Billy, that sat on pin"
90, DEAR, those children make sc
much noise that L can't hear myself
talk" exclaimed Aunt Harriet as she
left the room with slam. "ChiIdren,
said papa, "you must he more consider
ate. Your aunt might have something
to say that YOU should want to hear.
Now, if YOU will he real good I'll buy
Johnnie nice baZoo, and Hattie 8
grand piano, and Tommic big watch.
mans rattle, and I'll make II horse-tiddle
of the dining tahle for the baby. But
don't bother auntie with your noise any
more than you can help. ,Sprinqtield
| Union.
A REPORTER who is repeatedly greeted
with the shibbolcth, Flows business =
has interviewed several people with q
view to answering the question intclli
gently, with the following result: "NIy
business is drawing crowds" said the
artist. "And mine is being run into the
ground" said the undertaken. MY vo
cation is fine" said the Judge. "My bust
ness is growing" remarked the farmer
business is fare" answered the con.
ductor. mine is gaining ground" SAID
the real-estate dealer "Mv business is
picking up" said the rag man. "And
my business is still" said the
manufacturer of good old Medford. -
Boston Bulletiil.