St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-09-30
EYES AND EARS.

plckers. feelings. All the beau
tiful sentiments that
come Of warm heart are as moth.
ing to the dollars and cents that
are measured by cOldly calculating
eye. The operation of lending to the
Lord has become as automatic as the
arrangement by which you drop q
nickel In a slot and get your weight
The poor place their needy condition
In our sight, and, unless there is some
ting wrong with our combination, the
register shows so many dollars and
cents. Coming down Fourth street one
day last week, couple of miserable
little ragpickers were hauling the re-
suit of their mornings work on the
sidewalk. If one didn't pass them as
the ordinary commonly is passed
without giving it thought-anybody
would have felt his heart growing mel
low, enOugh at the sight of their wretch
edneSs, to lean up against lamp
post and write a lengthy and very
touching poem on their condition.
EARS were growing deaf to the mum
dane rumble of the cable, and EYES
were becoming trifle misty as the first
stanZa of the poem took shape, when
the little ragpickerS of Muse noticed
the Semi-idiOtic expression of sympathy
they had produced, and, quick as seen,
their hands were out for its cash value,
and whining "Please give US some
money, lady," brought soaring fancy
down fiat to the earth with realization
of the fact that all muses. nowadays
have hungry stomachS, and are bound
to us by no other tie. Distribute nick
els and dimes among the nine sisters,
and doubtless they would make just
such stampede for the nearest fruit
stand as the suffering ragpickerS did,
and eat and drink ones emotion IN pop
and green apples.
A Spinster's One of the most OBJ
stinate of all the per-
Corkscrew Not picking questions the
independent woman
in Cnrls. has to grapple with is
the opening Of beer
bottles. Weary and thirsty, pulling
herself to death in her effort to extract
the cork, she realizes. AS on no other
occasion, the pitable necessity of brute
strength to overcome many of this per-
verse worlds obstacles. 1T is not
so much because | am proud
of very inventive genius, but more be-
cause | yearn to benefit struggling FEM
ininity, that | want to publish abroad
my everlasting triumph over the cOrks
of beer bottles" said GlOrified Spin
ster yesterday. 'Have the most Ordi-
nary kind of corkScrew-we ambitious
women don't, as rule, have any extra
money to expend on high-priced mod
ern improvements, you knOw-work
your corkscrew into the cork; then take
a towel, pass it around the head of the
corkScreW, tie the ends SO as to
form loop, hang the loop
over the corner of your closet
door, pull your bottle steadily down
and out will come your cork, with not
One-tenth the effort it would have cost
you to pull up instead OF down. But
when you have your bottle open, be
sure you remove the patent from your
closet door. L am quite confident my
failure to do so once lost me the salts
faction of saying mo- to a man who
was pr0hibitionist on moral rather
than political principles, and he called
on me one evening just after | had been
refreshing my tired being with glass of
BudWeiSer. l looked as innocent as
a soda water fountain while he Staid,
and, with my blissfully ignorant back to
the closet door, for the life of me could
not comprehend the mournful. reprOach-
full glanceS he every now and then cast
from it to me. A suggestion OF Lag
aruS' last look at Dives was in the fare
well he took of me, and when L turned
from closing the door on him, under
stood it all. There, mute and express
i've as an avenging spirit of total absti-
hence, still hung the towel, with the
corkscrew in swollen cork, telling the
tale of my tranSgression. The young
man never came to see me again. Let
every woman who adopts my patent see
that she does not repeat my careless
ness"
He Would Not 1t would seem,
judging from the
Know Beans. story mother relates
of her young sons
ignorance of that branch, that the study
of entomology has not the proper place
in the public school curriculum.
HARRY came home from school yes
terday," said his mother" and as soon
as he entered the sitting room gave
forth the interesting intelligence that
his head was inhabited. He began
scratching at rate that verified his
statement, and straightway there was a
panic in the house. His little sister
would not go near him, and MAY turned
up her nose in supreme disgust. de-
clared that an investigation must
take place at once and sent
MAY up stairs to find a fine
tooth comb. HARRY felt dreadfnlly
disgraced, and locked the door into the
dining room to make certain the serv-
ants should not learn what shame had
been put upon him. After matters had
progressed thus far, HARRY bethought
himself to say, I'm pretty sure it was a
louise, mamma. 1t was on my head all
right, but do lOuses have yellow backs.
with little red spots on, and wingS%
enlightened the youngSter and called
to MAY that no comb was needed.
HARRY's idea was about as crude as
one my sisters little girl aired lately.
She asked her mamma when she was
being put to bed against her will one
night, if poor little bedbugs had to go
to bed as early as she did"
-
How Mr.. Lip Real tragedies are
often being enacted
man Half behind the scenes
while mimic ones are
Killed a Man. progressing on the
stage. Those who at
tended the Peoples theater last week
know the force with which Mr.. LIP
MAN expressed his intense feeling at
the death of Camille. The three ut
terances of her name, each one stronger
than the one previous, and eliminating
with veritable explosion of Yocalized
grief, could be heard with ease at some
distance from the theater, and must
have been simply awful to any one
standing between the wings. One
evening Mr.. MARKS, the occas-
sionaI walking gentleman, the some
times speaker and frequent sporter
of whiSkerS so wonderfully made
the wind must stop the other
side of them to whistle, was standing
between the wings, lost to this world
and completely absorbed by the drama
he was watching. When Mr.. LIPMAN
began to gather energy for his final dis
play of verbal artillery, Mr.. MARKS
forgot what was coming, and as MIR.