Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-10-03

n MATRIMONIAL club--the bToomst1ck.
A NAN may be bad egg, but he's u
right till he gets broke"
TEACHER What is velocity? Boy
Velocity is what q man puts down : hot
plate with.
IT is said OF one fashionable young
man that he never paid anything but :
compliment.
Rich ladies' are supposed to wear
their dresses short. AT any rate they
do not wear their dresses long
ORAToR-- And what, my friend, IL the
basis Of this vile rum traffic? McGinnis,
the bartender Cash on the bar. Bar
dette.
PRAISE man while he lives il he
deserves it. The good wor Is in his cpl
taffy come too late. --Neic Orleans
Picdyusse
@WHAr is your business?" "A glass;
worker" "A glassblower, eh?' AN-no;
well, yes, I do blow the foam of glass
before drink it,"
OLD LADY (stopping open street carr
- You don't allow no smoking on this
car, do you? CONDUCTOR Certainly,
madam; take one of the back seats.
THINGS even up pretty we'll after ALL
Men throw banana skins ON the side
walk, and then the banana skins throw
men on the sidewalk. -Lo,ceH Mail.
BRowN--How do You like your new
house? Smith--Well, there are some
Objectionable features about it. Brown
What are they? Smith The land
lords.
He (poetical)- But what il money
compared with true love? She fprac-
teal )--Ah, now / wonder whether my
dressmaker would accept that senti-
ment?
"SAY, mister" said tramp to an art
list, gimme dollar and I'll let you
paint me picture. Ye can put dandy
frame on it and call it "A Summer
Idyl.'"
HIT is charming on the water to-
day; let us take sail. What sort Of
craft would you prefer? She-I think
smack would be just to lovely for any
thing. = Detroit Free Press.
DIR. WILLIAM A. HAMMOND asserts
that the brain il not an organ absolutely
essential to life. Doubtless the doctor
has just returned from some fashionable
watering-place. - Philadelphia Bulle-
tin.
He comes to the table and prays,
"For what we are about to receive,
Lord make us truly grateful, and then
he opens his eyes, and exclaims in dis
gust, Gold mutton again |"
Mr.. MrxEMup (the interviewed
And what strikes you as the most prom
inent feature in American literature?
The Dock Of Snarleyow Gust landed
"Please keep off the grass. "-Burdette.
FRIEND - Are you happy? Spirit
Through edium)-Perfectly so. F.
What has pleased You most since you
left us? S.-The epitaph on my tomb
stone. It both amazes and delights me-
Boston Courier.
IRR1TATED Frenchman Ito American
who has taken him for waiter)-Sir-r
You hat gr-r-r-ossly insulted me. There
is my card. My seconds will wait upon
you, sir-r-r. American--Ne Never mind
your seconds, Frenchy. You can wait
upon me just as we'll. Pass me the
Worcester sauce, and be quick about it.
"AND what answer do you make to
my appeal?' he asked as he knelt at
her feet James, / will be frank with
you," she murmered. "Oh, speak, he
implored, "and relieve me from this
agony of suspense!" "Then let me say
it cannot be- "Why not p Because,
James, I do not feel able to support
husband. Boston Courier.
SAM JONES was speaking in one of
his sermons about the way men treat
their wives sometimes, and how they
frequently talk to them. IF there is
man here who has never said an unkind
word to his wife, would like to know
it," said he; IT wish he would stand up"
A man in the rear OF the congregation
rose to his feet, in response to the in
vitation. He was bachelor!
REAL ESTATE OwNER-Have you any
children? Applicant for house--Yes.
r. Il. O.-Then You cant have house
of mine. won't have any children in
any of my houses. A. F. A. Hall
right, sir; I'm satisfied, but perhaps you
will permit me to say that those who
object to children in this world are not
likely W DC tTOuUleu VIII tIleul III tuo
next. r. +. O.-Ah. How do you
make that out? A. F. A. H. There
are no children in hell.--Boston Cou-
Tier
SHE was the minister's little girl, but
badly spoiled by over-indulgence. They
were visiting at the house Of o parish
Toner one day, and after dinner, inst as
the woman had got cleaned up and
seated herself to comb her hair, Nevelia
wanted piece of pie. You shall have
it as soon as finish my hair" said the
housekeeper. when Nevelia wants
anything she wants it right off," sug-
gested the mother. well, then, now
would he gool. time for her to learn to
wait" was the composed reply.
CONSOLATION.
Dear Betty, when an hour ago
You scorned my humble offer
Because my lean and empty purse
Was not well-flled Golfer,
Why did you breathe your cruel mo"
With such frightened culver?
Perhaps you thought meant to seek
Some suicidal river.
All, no, sweet girl! These modern times
Take wiser ways and means to end
A lovers desperation;
And Corydon no longer signs
His heart away In SORROW
But seeks richer Phillis out
And wooes again tomorrow.
M H.. W. IN Century.
He H0de Strike.