davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25

Professor Blank, of E., devoted q
whole week to lecturing the students on
the subject of heart diseases.
He had q private apartment opening
of the class room, to which he was
won't to retire after he had finished his
discourse In order to take off his gown
and enjoy o little meditation by the
fire.
On the afternoon Of the second day o
modest knock came to the door.
Enter, said Professor Blank.
One Of the students entered, hat in
hand. looking somewhat worried and
pale.
"What can ] do for you, MI. Mp"
Nothing, l fear" was the reply.
Nothing on earth can aid me. 1 have
the very symptoms you were to-day de-
scribing in the lecture. Sound me and
see, SIR"
The sounding was soon performed.
you're in perfect health as regards
your heart" said the professor.
That was the verdict, and Mr.. M
went away happy.
But hardly had the kindly old pro-
fessor resumed his seat before another
knock rssounded on the door.
Come in. Well, what's the matter
with you, Mr.. CO"
"I'm q dead man." gasped c..
looking wildly round as if he wanted to
clutch something. II have got heart
disease ~ sure as . gun"
"Not quite as bad a. that, 1 hope.
Take off your coat"
Association and percussion were
speedily performed; and then the pro-
lessor laughed in C-'s face.
Sound rs q bell, man. Go home to
your dinner, and don't be q fool" he
said.
Tn, doctor did not sit down again.
however. No, he was afraid there would
be more Of them, sc he hurried along
through the squad and got into his car
rage.
But he had two more visits at his re-
sidence on the same night from fright
ened students, and every day during
the remainder Of that week he had q
visit or two Of the same kind. On the
following Monday he got on to feyers,
and the students completely recovered
from their cardiac complaints. -EE-
cL0n0e
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25
Inventions OF Half n Century.

The number OF inventions that have
been made during the past fifty years
is unprecedented in the history Of the
world. Inventions OF benefit to the hui
man race have been made in all ages
since man was created but looking back
for half a hundred years, how many
more are crowded into the past fifty
than into any other fifty since recorded
history! The perfection Of the locomo-
tive, and the now world-traversing
steamships, the telegraph, the tele-
phone, the audiphone, the sewing-ma-
chine, the photograph, chromo-litho-
graphic printing-press, the elevator for
hotels and other many-storied build.
ings, the %cotton-gin and the spinning
jenny, the reaper, the mower, the steam
fire engine, the improved process for
making steel, the application of chloro-
form and ether to destroy sensibility in
painful surgery cases, and SO on through
a long catalogue.
Nor are we yet done in the field of
invention and discovery. The applica-
ton of coal-gas and petroleum to heat
ing and cooking operations is only
trembling on the verge of successful
experiment; the introduction of the
steam from q great central reservoir to
general use for heating and cooking is
foreshadowed as among the coming
events; the artificial production of bat
ter has already created a CONSERVATION
among dairymen; the navigation of the
air by some device akin to our present
balloon would also seem to be prefg-
ured, and the propulsion of machinery
by electricity is even now clearly in
Dictated by the march of experiment.
There are some problems We have
hitherto deemed impossible; but are
the mysteries of even the most improb-
able of them more subtle to grasp than
that of the Q cable or that of the
photograph or the telephone? We
talk by cable with an ocean rolling be-
tween; we speak In our voices to friends
a hundred miles OF more from where we
articulate before the microphone. I'm
der the blazing sun of July we produce
ice by chemical means, rivaling the most
solid and crystalline production of ma
ture. Our surgeons graft the skin from
one persons arm to the face of another,
and it adheres and becomes an integral
of his body. W. make a mile
Of white printing paper and send it on
spool that a perfecting printing-press
unwinds and prints, and delivers to you,
folded and counted, many thousands
per hour. OF a verify, this is the age
# invention, nor has the world reached
Z stopping -pTavo CIV
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25
About Pet Family Jokes.

What is your pet joke? Everybody
has . pet story and it is generally tho
most stupid "a in the world when You
hear 1t. People are mostly polite about
that. They laugh just to save the teller
Of Q story from humiliation. II il not
fair because it simply encourages the
man to 60 and tell somebody else. OF
course I have no sense OF honor myself.
! know that most people who tell ons
stories go about and kick and say Ispoil
the point Of them when ! put them II
this column. Bnt somehow they kesp
falling me them. hare made seyere1
daadly enemieA They AaEe told ne
etcfiae and 1 hAyenf pFintod 49,.
ybsy heye hesn fAmt5Y joR4
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25
L{ Gl,s.,: : b HgAl9Y;c CO. cH Ygs:A.ss.

The treatment of many thousands OF cases
of those chronic weaknesses and distressing
ailments peculiar 70 females male At n1 the dny x 2 ".
has afforded u vast experience In NICELY. adapt
ing and thoroughly testing remedies for the
cq Dr. Of r Temsp's gEs sssaio.arr, %sl Ss~Sr,ss:s;erips,en
is the o%utgrowth, or result, OF this great ano
valuable experience. Thousands OF testimS-
clans who have tested it in the more agKrn.
vated and obstinate cases, which had baf1ed
remedy ever devised for the relief and cure Of
suffering women. 1t is not Recommended ass
"cure-ali, but as q most perfect Specific for
Woman's peculiar ailments.
As powerful, invigorattng tonic,
nn1 to the F ESmo ove and ks ar.P sorn Vou ~
trun-down," debilitated teachers, miliiner1,
dresemakers, seamstrcsses. ''shop girls house.
generally, DIR. Pierce's Favorite Prescription
IL the greatest earthly boon, being unequaled
MS an appetizing cordial and restorative tonic:
Eervtnes "Favorite Prescription" L.
qualed and is invaluable in allaying and sub
DUNG nervous excita btlity. irritability, ex:
other distressing, ner yous symptoms COM
monty attendant upon functional and organic
sleep and relieves eli me ntal anxiety and az.
ID. Piieree,s Fav orite Prescription
physician, and adapted to woman's delicate
organization. II is purely ycgetable in IL
effects in any condition OF the system. Fol-
morning. sickness, or nausea. from whatever
cause canst. arising, weak stomach. indigestion. dye,
"Favorite PrescripIion - 10 q posi-.
stinate. cases Of leucorrhea, excessive flowing,
painful menstruation. unnatural suppreesions,
Prolapslis, or falling OF the womb, weak back.
- am n lnAn " m r~rs~ --A------l~--
bearing-down sensations, chronic congestion,
Inflammation and liberation of the womb. In
Illumination. pain and tenderness in ovaries,
As q regulator and promoter Of func-
tionai acton. az that critical period Of change
s scpm g,slnaGl e 4 70 ne Tfo%sns hood rs Fsycrits sa Pre-
equally efhcacious and. valuable in its effects
when taken ;no,as for !. those tSs. disorders and der.nse,,
period. known as The Change Of Life"
"FnvOritc PrescriptiOn,',when taken
Golden Medical Discovery, and small laxative
doses Of DR.. Piercc's Purgatiyc Pellets little
! diyer pllsll tt cures Liver. Kidney and Bladder
blood taints. and abolishes canceroue and
scrCflious humors from the system.
"Eavorito Prescription " Is the only
facturers, that Il win give satisfaction ii every
c ess OF money VIII be refunded. This staran-
and faithfully carried out for many Year,.
na aarss Sotsles goo doses' s1.oo, Or six
w Ps1 1sr 7Isa i, nases' Treatise On Disease: q
cents in stamps. Address. s'0a 'en
Worlds ~nlspsnsary Medical l~ssss,iloa.
66s Main 81. BUFFALO. M.
3 c. N, U. NO. A-Ss.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25
italian ~LOyc.Charm,.

There are some pretty l~ove-charms
in Capri. To win a girls heart the
lover must steal a hair from her head
and tie it to n of his own. SO long
as the knot holds firm his love is re-
turned. This resembles the charm
used Oh the sacred hill OF Monte Yer
gine, near Naples. There tetrothel
pilgrims fasten broom twigs together
with q strip OF rag, and until the twigs
part their love- endures. Rags futter
on every bush along tho path to the
great sanctuary. and married couples
often return there to examine their
united twigs. Unmatched pairs prob
ably scorn to the pilgrimage.
Love-sick maids aud men mix q drop
Of their blood in a little wine and per.
suads the object of their affections to
drink il. This is an infallible love-
phltre. A man may also win n girls
heart BY pricking her name upon : dig.
Leaf and letting the wind blow Il away.
-EnHiish Illustrated Magazine
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25
Have Your Relic, Ready, Please.

II treasure this cane above its weight
in gold" said Nh. Oldbuck shat cane
is made from the gundeck Of the old
flagship Hartford"
aBut,s exclaimed his friend, "the
Hartford hasn't been broken up yet"
II don't care" replied MI. Oldbuck,
calmly, "she Is going TO be some time,
and that cane was cut from her gundeck
when the time comes, just the same. =
1kys s.dAffe.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25
M EmergencY Worth Attention.


Domestic-Please, man, your pug
dog got under the street-car and got
killed.
Young Wife-Indeed!
Eyes, man,; an the new girl has
ruined your best dress q lettin' it fall
into the grease kettle"
"How careless"
"And thieves has got in an run
off with your diamonds
I'VE must keep the front door locked
in the future"
"An' please, mann, o man says your
husbands fine property down town is
burning"
"Hark. What's that?"
II didn't hear anything"
"My graciousi The baby's crying;
rum to him, quick. "--Omaha Woyld
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25
Catsrrh Cured.

A clergyman, after years Of suffering from
that loathsome disease, Caiarrh, and vaiuly
trying every known remedy, o. last found .
presc ,p'ion which completely cured and
save. him I. ON deah- Any sufferer from this
dreadful disease tonding . telf-addressed
. AIMED envs ops TO Prof.. J. A. Lawrence.
212 East Ninth street, will receive the recipe
fpAA NJ eharca
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25
Delicate Cnildrsn, nursing

Mothers, Overworked Men, and for all dis
eases where the tissues are wasting AVA from
the inability to digest ordinary food. or from
overwork Of the brain or body, al such should
take Scott's Emulsion OF Pure Cod Liver Oil
on 'I : is.ay Who was delicate and threatened
with Bronchitis It put her in such good
health and flesh that I must say it is the best
Emulation I ever used"-L +. WADDKII,
n. D., Hugh's Mills, * c.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25

6ymptoms-Mc sure; intense itching and
II allowed to continue tumors form, which
often bleed and ulcerste, becoming very sore,
swayne's Ointment stops the itching and
bleeding, heals ulc ration, and in many cases
removes the tumors: 1t is equally eficacious
IN curing all Skin Diseases. Dr.. Swayno 4
Son, Proprietors, Philadelphia. Swayne's
Ointmen can be obtained Of druggists, or BY
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25

Wife (who has served pure sherry in
soup plate; sarcastically)--How do you
like the cold bouilliony
Husband-Best soup l ever had in
my life. l know itisn't polite, but I'll
take some more.-Albany Union.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25
The Winter Nan.

BY mid October most of the Rip Van
Wrinkles among our brute creatures
have lain down for their winter nap.
The toa1s and turtles have buried
themselves in the earth. The wood
chuck is in his hibernaculum, the skunk
in his, the mole in his; and the black
bear has his selected, and will go in
when the snow comes. He does not
like tho looks Of his big tracks in the
snow. They publish his goings and
comings too plainly. The coon retires
about the same time. The provident
woodm;ce and the chipmunk are laying
by q supply of nuts or grain, the former
usually in decayed trees, the latter in
the ground. / have observed that an
unusual disturbance in the woods near
where the chipmunk has his den, will
cause him to shift his quarters. One
October, for many successive days, l
saw n carrying into his hole buck
wheat which he had stolen from a near
field. The hole was only q few rods
from where we we're getting out stone,
and as our work progressed and the
racket and uproar increased, the chip
munk became alarmed. He ceased
carrying in, and after much hesitating
and darting about, and some prolonged
absences, he began to carry out; he had
determined to move; if the mountain
fell, he as least would be away in time.
SO by mouthfuls, or cheekfuls, the
grain was transferred to o new place.
He did not make q "bee" to get it done.
but carried it all himself, occupying
several days, and making q. trim eyery
ten minutes.
Insects also 60 into winter quarter,
by or before this time the humble. bees
hornet, and wasp. But mere only roy
atty escapes; the q~ueen.mother alone
foresees the night of winter coming and
the morning of spring beyond. The
rest OF the tribe try gypsying for
awhile, but perish in the first frosts.
The present October / surprised the
queen of the yellow-jackets in the
woods looking out a suitable retreat.
The royal dame was house-hunting,
and on being disturbed by my inquisi-
tive poking among the leaves, she got
up and flew away with a slow, deep
hum. Her body was unusually dis
tended, whether with fat or eggs, / am
unable to say. In September l took
down the nest Of the Hack hornet. and
found several large queens in it, but
the workers had all gone. The queens
were evidently weathsring the first
frosts and storms here. and waiting for
the Indian summer to go forth and
seek o permanent winter abode. Ii the
covers could be taken off the fields and
woods at this season, how many inter-
esting facts Of natural history would be
revealed. The crickets, ants. bees,
reptiles, animals, and for aught l know,
the spiders and flies. asleep or getting
ready to sleep in their winter dor
mitories; the fires of life banked up
and burning just enough to keep the
spark over until ring.--John Bur
1O1tghs.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25
A Poser.

'The ark was built in a warm coun-
try wasn't 1t, teacher?' asked the
bright girl Of the class.
Eyes, what is now known as Asia
Minor"
Then where did Noah get two
Polar bears from?"
Teacher (crushed)-Go down foot
lid Bits.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25
Nof q p~hilanfhronisf.

Smith-Who is that philanthropist
SO carefully sprinkling ashes on the
public sidewalk
Brownies not a philanthr0pist.
He's the president Of an accident in
urance Binghamton Re
nablicnn.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25
Big and Little Humanity.

Old Bachelor looking at new baby
-Er-rather small and puny, Jim?
Proud Father-Ye-es, rather.
Old Bachelor (encOuraginglyl-Still,
Jim, If l were in your place l would
try and raise it.-NeU York San.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25
Consumption surely Cured.

To the Editor Please inform your readers
that I have q positive remedy for the above.
named disease. By it's timely use thousands Of
hopeless cases have been permanently cured. I
shall be glad to send two bottles OF my remedy
FREE to any OF your readers who have consulnp-
ton if they will send me their Express and
p. O. address. Respectfully,
T. A. NJ, c., lS1 Pearl St, N, Y,
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25
So the Girl Thinks.

The young man who would waste
time kissing a girls hand would eat
the brown paper bag, and leave the
dollhouse grapes for some one else
SOmerCiIR Journal.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25

Omaha mother-Where is Mr.. Nice
fellow?
Lovely daughter Sitting alone)-
Gone home.
"Home? It's only s o'clock"
"Yes-he asked me toto marry
him, and-and 1 said no. and-and he
went right off-boo! hoo! hool"-
Omaha World.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25

Ladies suffering from any OF the Weakness
es or ailmenls peculiar to their sex, and who
will use DR.. Pierce's Fayorite Prescription
according to directions, will experience q
genuine reueidtioa in the benefit they will re-
ceive. 1t is q positive cure for the most COM
pllcated and obstinate cases of weak back,
female weakness" and all functional dis
orders that render the lives of so many
women miserable and ~joyless.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25
Noticed the Effect.

The leading man who is always trying
to mash some OF the girls in the audience
might properly be called a leer- ical art st.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25

THOUSANDS OF cures follow the use of DR..
Sage's Catarrh Remedy. 50 cents.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25

No Safer Remedy can be had for
Coughs and Colds, or any trouble of the
Throat. than Broma's bronchial 1roches.
Price % cts. Sold only in 6oxcsl
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25

WHEN a man is lost in love he can gem
orally be found by sending q belle after
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25

STHAIGHTES your old boots and shoes with
Lyons Heel Stiffeners. AMI wear them again
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25

IxTHEN WRITING TO ADVERTISERS
wv please say you saw the advsrtsnsnt
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25

The foundation Of happiness 10 health. a
man with an imperfect digestion may bo 3
millionaire, may be tho husband Of an angel
and the father Of half . dozen chcrubs, and
pepsiA, or any Of the disorders arising from
imperfect digestion or q sluggish liver. DR..
Pierce's Pleasant Purgative Pellets are the
safest and surest remedy for these morbid
conditions. Being purely vegetable, they are
perfectly harmless.
Noticed the Effect.
"Is chess a difficult game to play?"
ga difficult game! Well, rather.
To play chess a man has got to use up
all the brain he has,"
Him. l suppose you have played a
great deal"
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25

THEN let the moon usurp the rule OF day,
And winking tapers show the sun his way
For my senses can perceive
Iueed no revelation to believe.
Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1888-01-25

deep love the foreman promised to keep
the yonng mans secret. A few hours
later . large theft was discovered. and
Daymark shonldered the crime for the
sake OF Florence.
II had robbed u her systematically
concluded Jasper. "but promised to re.
form il Daymark would keep my secret.
He kept il and went away in disgrace.
III would like to see that noble man
once more, but ="
His voice failed him then. Florence
uttered . great cry as she saw q gray
shadow steal over his face and realized
that her wicked brother was beyond
speech, dying dead!
Florence staggered upward with a
moan just rs tho door opened.
Florence, I've brought q friend"
il was the CHEEKY voice of Madge. q
tall girl Of II, fully realizing at this
time the promise Of her girihood In
the magnificent proportions Of I beau
tiful woman.
Florence, white as death, looked into
. handsome, bearded face. She could
never forget that countenance. A wild
throb came TO her heart; she nut out
her hands, Tried to speak but failed,
and then tainted in the arms OF Alan
Daymark.
Two weeks later Florence stood
alone with the returned foreman, o
. prosperous young business man OF
p Of the growing western cities.
Can It be that you are going to leave
Ms AlanfS Florence WAS saying, after
> short conversation had en- sued. in
whlch-tlas past had been mentioned and
the revelation Of Jasper Ferguson was
made known.
III II imperative, Mrs Ferguson.
sid Daymark with considerable cool.
me- Il hsve no business here i'll
particular, and came on 10 fulili :
ptosniss mads soma ysars ago.
sIndsed
NM rsrgnson Elushea nndes fhs
stA.s.hensss sys laa5od
saola esk xss ~ Nh
Arizona silver belt., 1888-12-29

If further evidence were needed that civil service reform is a hollow mock cry, "more honer'd in the breach than the observance" and distasteful to the rank and file alike of both parties, it was certainly furnished by the pre- ceedings of the lower house of Con- gress on the 18th inst. The discussion was preclpitated by Henderson, of Iowa, moving an amendment to the Legislative bill, providing fer an in crease in the clerical force of the Civil Service Commission. Mir. Randall was first to oppose it, and said he was not in favor of establishing a class of office helders, though he had always voted for the appropriation, and added, q shall await with anxlous amusement to see the attitude of the Republican party in the next Congress" The al lusisn to the Republicans doubtless made Representative Amos Cummings eager to vindicate himself of any Mug wumpism, and he proceeded to de- nOunee civil service in vigorous lan- guage, and even went so far as to make motion te strike out the whele clause relating to the Civil-Service Commission, but as this was only a partial remedy. if any, tor the alleged evil, it was rejected. But by far the severest arraignment of the civil ser vice farce was by the doughty repre- sentative of Tammany Hall. General Spinola, who said, "Everybody knews what humbug the whole institution IS, and asserted further that seven eighths-ef the peepla, three-fourths of the Republican members of the House, and the Democrats, unanimously, were in taver of wiping out the CemmiS- sion. The Democrats gave silent as- sent, and the only members to raise their voice in favor of the much con- temned law were Lodge, Henderson and Cutcheon Certainly with such preponderante of sentiment against it It would seem as though the consump- tive existence of civil service reform was nearing its end.