The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1888-12-21
Current Wit.

Tor getting up q testimonial to ths
pastor bore the following legend:
drop n dollar in the slot and see
the pastor SMILE"
Doctor-"Well, how is u patient
this morning?" Nurse-"Bad, doc
tor bad: she has taken oil the medi-
zines you prescribed, and nothing
but her iron will, keeps her alive"
Worse yet,-"John, you are not
listening to n word l am saying"
"Why my dear / am all ears" ~
know you are, and that makes it oil
the more provoking"
What is the difference between O
soldier and n pretty woman? One
faces the powder and the other pow
ders the face.
swell, mother" said the Prince,
kissing the Queens hand aft ctionate-
ly, show is Kate?" "Kate?" queried
Victoria, "what Kate?" "Abdicate,"
retorted the Prince, with n roar OF
laughter that loosened the rollers on
the throne. And her Majesty wspt.-
New York Sun.
"What time," asked q lady, with
an armful of bundles, "does the next
train leave?" at leaves on schedule
time," responded the affable and ac-
Eommodating ticket agent. And the
lady retired to the waiting room with
the remark that she didn't know it
left so late.
First confirmed bargain-hunter-
See my lovely apron; only % cents!
Second C. b. H.-Why, 1 got one
Just like it for % cents. FIRST G.. b
H.-O, where, where? i must go and
get one right away. / don't need
any more, but one can't afford to
let such bargins go, don't you know.
The Idea.
Lady-Why did you not serve the
sardines as / told you? Biddy-I
couldn't foind the secret spring to
owpen the tin box, and | had to
break it with a hatchet, and when I
lefted the lid mum, the poor
things were all fast asleep ivir so
close to one another, and L hadn't
the heart to roast 'em as IA my in
| tintion.-Time.
Sand so you are married? And I
suppose you are perfectly happy?"
"Well, L don't know. Tell you the
truth, Mary isn't what | thought she
was. She used to tell me, before
marriage. how she loved me; but we
hadn't been married a week before
she quit dressmaking. That shows
how much you "a depend upon n
woman's love."-BostOn Transcript.
He Hadn't Disobeyed-The little
boy had come in with his clothes
torn, his hair full of dust and his face
bearing unmistakable marks of a Sc
we're conflict. ooh, Willie! Williel"
exclaimed his mother, deeply shocked
and grieved, "yOu have disobeyed
me again. How often l have told
you not to play with that wicked
/ Stapleford boy!" Mamma" said
Willie, washing the blood from his
nose, edo / look as if L had been
playing with anybody.
1t is related of q clergyman, who
was the happy father OF a charming
and beautiful daughter. that one
day while preparing his Sunday dis
course, he was suddenly called away
from his desk on q mission of mercy.
So imperative was tine that
he left unfinished this sentence: 81
never see q young man of splendid
physique and the promise of a glOri-
GUS manhood almost realized, but
my heart is filled with rapture and
delight" His daughter, happening
IN the study, saw the rmo and
read the wards. Sitting down, she
wrote underneath: "Them's ny SEN
timents, papa, exactly. Boston
Traveller.
Similarity of Bear Stories-Maine
Hunter I'll tell yeou bout abear L.
Experienced Visitor-I know all
about it. The bear had q cub and
attacked you, and after using up oil
your ammunition you finally drew
your pocket-knife and killed the
brute. Maine Hunter-Wal, now, ef
that amt jest the way it Happened;
who told yeou? Experienced Visitor
No one: but I've heard about $50
bear stories since I've been here, and
inc very blessed case the hero used
up all his ammunition and finally
killed the bear with a pocket-knife.
The mystery to me is why you fel.
lows don't start in with the pocket
knife at first.-Puck.