The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-05-30
Pith and Point.


numerous since the adoption of hats and
caps by the race.
Vanderbilt paid Miss May Tillinghast
$1,000 for inventing a new kind of tapestry
hanging for his house.
"Y X U so d. in your dress?" asked the
school-teacher of a tramp. N Us me,
num-" replied he; al drank to y S.
PutSburg Chronicle.
If a man and a half throws a boot-jack
and half at a cat and half in night and
half how many cats and hall Will he hit
in month and half ?-MobHe Register.
A MARYLAND widow named Hallets set a
bear-trap at her smoke-house door, and the
first catch was man who was counting her
He had packed up 100 pounds of bacon to
carry off.
A WEATHER sharp says that cats with
their tails up and hair apparently electrified
indicate approaching wind. We always
supposed they indicated an approaching
dog-NorriStotCn Herald.
THE man who was looking about for a
paper that didn't have anything to say
about the tariff finally purchased paper of
pins That was the nearest he could come
to it,-NorriStOCn Herald.
Mr.. MARoUAND, the New York banker, is
said to have the highest-priced piano in the
world Itcost $4,000. The work was done
by Steinway and the case made in London
and painted by Alma Tadema.
PAwKINs: "Do you know that my wife
anu L were DOTH On Ine SAINT udy' Jaw
kins: Ono, indeed! Why, that reminds
me that Mrs. Jawkins and | were married
on the same day. "-Lo,ceU citizen.
"SIR" said the Judge, 81 commit you to
Jail for ten days for contempt of court"
Better make if ten years, judge. l could
not begin to get over my contempt in less
than that time" was the response.
HOTEL proprietor: 81 will send the re-
freshments up, sir, by the dumb waiter"
Guest All right and let me tell you II
he isn't here within fifteen minutes he will
wish he was deaf as well as dumb"
PROFESSOR BAIRD says "There is moth
ing to prevent fish living hundred years"
Well, professor, if the other fellows are no
better fishers than we are there's nothing
to prevent him living thousand.-Burdete.
YOUNG WIFE: Horrors See here, sir;
your dog has run off with whole sponge
cake | left outside to cool" Tramp:
Don't worry, mum. That dogs tougher n
he looks He kin eat anything. "-Omaha
World.
THE smallest circular saw in practical use
is a tiny disc about the size of a British shil-
ling, which is employed for cutting the Sits
in gold pens. These saws are about as thick
as ordinary paper and revolve some 1000
times per minute.
IT is related that Cuver, the celebrated
naturalist, had parrot in his vestibule who
upon seeing a stranger, would cry out:
what do you want with my master?"
spond Don't talk too much"
A SMALL town in the upper end of the state
boasts of having fourteen church choirs. A
branch of the American Peace Society
should be established in that town immedi-
ately, if such precaution has not already
been ADMINISTRATION Herald.
A NEW YORK broker, who made $40, 900
in two days, put $50, 900 with it to make $780,
600 in three days and lost the entire sum in
six hours turn of the market. In the morn
ing he was living in palace. In the even
ing he was out looking for apartments.
A HIGH office: "what does your father
do?" asked the teacher of the new boy.
He's a contractor" was the reply. "A
railroad contractors "No, ma'am sau-
sage contractor He ties up the ends after
another man has filled 'em. "-Tid-BHS.
A DAKOTA paper reports that John Hyatt,
citizen of Minot, who is seventy years of
age, has never had tooth, none having
ever grown. But his gums are almost as
hard as stone. He says he can eat almost
anything, and while in the army could
master hard-tack
"John," said the wife, tenderly, " promise
me that if | should be taken away you will
never marry Nance Tarbox." Certainly,
Maria" replied the husband reassuringly,
can promise you that. She refused me
three times when was much handsomer
man than / am now."-ChicdgO Tribune
PoMPoUs old teacher Ito class in sacred
history; "What weapon did Samson use
to kill the Phlistines?" No one remembers.
Pompous old teacher (who believes in sug-
costing answers touching his chin) What
is this?" Bright boy (who takes the hint
and remembers it all now: "The jawbone
of an ass, SIR
TWENTY-FIVE years ago a boy in Cress-
vile was sent to a store for a quart of
molasses. Instead of performing the errand
he put the pitcher under stone step and
went to sea. For years he was incurred as
week returned home
before reaching his parents house he
thought of the pitcher. The stone step was
still there, and when he reached under for
the pitcher he was surprised to find it
gone. 1t never happened that way be-
fore.-NorriStolcn Herald.
A PHYSICIAN has recently printed an arti-
Gle entitled, How to Tell Mad Dog and
How to Treat Hydrophobia." Now that
seems to us very simple matter. You
should never have anything on your mind
that you want to tell a mad dog. We can
tell a mad dog anything we have to COM
municate on a postal card, or we could
send him the information by rabid tele-
graph messenger, the young man who
makes everybody mad with whom he comes
in contact, but never gets mad himself
Biirdete.
AN English school-boy was suddenly and
sternly asked by an examiner: "Who
signed magma charta?" Although he
knew very well that he personally was
guiltless he couldn't help trembling at be-
ing suspected of anything which could be
spoken of in such a tone, and at once re-
nounced the act with alarm and Indignation
" Please, sir, didn't" adding, to make sure
of safety, and if | did I'll never do it
again" Why, you stupid fellow" said
the master, nobody said there was any
harm in it, On the contrary, it was very
proper thing to do" Please, sir" called
out another boy, it was me, sir. | done
it myself, sir"
OCEAN travel, if one can believe Inventor
Pierce, is about to undergo a complete revo-
luton. Colonel Pierce hopes to lay a
double-barreled pneumatic tube across the
ocean, by which passengers can travel az
the rate of 1000 miles an hour. The
cars can be made either 900 feet long or
ten feet long, and will have wheels on all
sides, They will be a little less than four
feet in diameter and the passengers, while
occupying them, will recline on luxurious
cushions. Air will be let into the cars for
purposes of ventilation by means of stop
cocks, and for lighting electricity will prob
ably be used. In order TO prevent an I'M