Wood River times. [volume] (Hailey, Idaho) 1882-1915, 1888-03-19


ates vibrating with the death rattle,
and in few days have been born
again, asst were, mlraculously endow-
ed with lustier manhood than they
ever before possessed. If patient
be so weak that he can't think, and
the smaller edd of an oiled rag too sub.
stantal food for him, he will be dis
charged in day or two as lusty as a |
butcher and as cheeky as a pension
agent-revamped, half -soled and
good as new.
The discoverer of this wonderful
fe-extension treatment, claims that
he can perpetuate existence; that a
mans stay on earth can be indefinite.
ly-prolonged. In fact, he can stay
just as long as he wants to, and may
fearleesly tell Gabriel to dry up his
noise, if the intruding angel should
sound his gamut inopportunely.
There is no mystery about it. No
medicine is administered. The po-
tential agent is electricity, but the
mode of applying it is extremely
singular. The Doctor claims that the
vital energy of man depends upon
electromagnetic. If the electrical
forces of his system are dlsarranged
or weakened, disease fellows. Read.
just and restore this lost energy and
health returns. That seems as plain
as the spots on Sam Davis's bull; but
how to reduce his theory to practise
puzzled the doctor for long time.
At last he struck it. 1t has often
been remarked that for ten years
there has never been but one natural
death in Mill Creek Canyon--a reck-
less doctor came here and starved to
death.
THE DISSEMINATION OF FELINE ELEC-
TRICKY.
This remarkable fact must be due
to something, and that something
was cats, without doubt. Everybody
sleeps with tomcat or tabby, the sex
don't appear to make much
difference, though maybe a big black
he carries more vitality than a little
white she. Here was the grand Sc.
cretr. Cats are naturally tanks fol
electricity. They absorb it from
everything they come in contact with
The sleeping miner in turn absorb:
the e-giving current from his pc
feline. To test the correctness o
this theory, the doctor insulated bee
and slowed therein the most misera
BILE victim of disease he could find il
Bodie, together with several cats. Ii
few hours the change for the bette
was apparent. The patient drank il
life and vigor so rapidly that in les
than a week he was strong ma
again, though when brought to be-
he had the odor of the grave upo
t him.
MONO CATS SACRED ANIMALS
The problem was solved. Cats wi
henceforth be great benefactors to tn
human race, for through their agenc
man may prolong his existence unit
he desires to put on his golden slip
pers and present his cred entails to 81
Peter. They have been ill treated
and had boot-jacks and crockery fire.
at them by cruel men too stupid t
comprehend that midnight yowling
are not prompted by feline deviltry
Hereafter when these nocturnal dis
turbances occur, remember that tn
animals are only working off thei
surplus fluid, which if properly appli
ed would prolong precious life.
THE MONO LIFE EXTENSION BROTHER
HOOD.
A society is now being organize
called the "Mono Lake Life Exten
5 sion Brotherhood" Instead of prom
ising to pay mans heirs a certai
amount of money, his tenure Of e,
istence is guaranteed for any lengt
of time. He can take out a polio
for FIVE or ten years "probation,
e as they term it, by the pay
ment of a stipulated sum, {
pay monthly when he ge
his cat-bath. 1t is a much MOI
!. sensible proposition than the prevail
ing method of life insurance, whic
e is, in fact, all absurdity. A man HI
to die to perfect a contract. TT
> Mono Lake Life Extension Brolhe
hood guarantee that he shall live S
n long as he pays bis dues When I
becomes delinquent they shut off h
5 cats and the policy lapses. 1t is
grand plan, first cousin to assured sa
walton.
e