River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1888-12-20
SKELETONS.
How Their Use Wrought Confusion
in DR.. Sparkle's Church.

HOW Their Use Wrought Confusion
in DIR. Sparkle's Church.
nr- PhilaIethes Sparkle was a great
man in a small way. He was the vicar
Of an important suburban church,
wherein highly respectable and not
wholly unintelligent congregation was
won't to assemble for worship. In
that congregation the pastor had no
enemies, while he could boast of a
large number Of thOrOugh-gOing and
ardent admirers The man was ad-
1Rittedly well-fit ed for his post He
was kind-hearted, liberal-minded.
quick-witted, a fluent speaker, and. in
the opinion OF many, thoughtful as
well As eloquent preacher.
But, in truth, thoughtful was Just
what DIR. Sparkle was not His great
difficulty-and one that increased
weekly-was about ideas. When he
knew what TO say he could say it well.
No man could produce a more brill
liant cOruscatiOn" or effective fare-up
from paltrv amount of material; but
then, the fuel had to come from some
where, and that was the doctors diff
Guilty. He had q reputation to main
tain, and he was fully. almost pain
fully, conscious of the fact. When
Nr Grundy. the peoples warden, in
vited a friend home for Sunday he
would say; The missus will do the
best she can to provide bit of dinner,
and we can promise you a good sermon,
at all events" Grundy, who was a
good fellow, though jerry-builder.
used to repeat his little joke to the
parsOu, and no doubt he was a fair
representative of many others in the
congregation.
Under these circumstances and being
sOrely harassed by the recurrent dry
ing mp of the well-spriug OF his ideas,
Or. Sparkle had his attention arrested
one morning by an artfulIy-worded cir
cular which he found among his letters.
II begsn Is follows:
STRICTLY PRIVATE CIsruBt
Moved II the spirit OF sympathy, and actual
I'd. as he humbly hopes by a desire 10 promote
the highest ends, the writer addresses himself
70 his over-wrOught and sOrely-Oppressed breth-
rem Having had an exceptionally wide expert
ence OF parish work in town and country. among
rich and poor. educated and ignorant. he be-
tieves himself to be fully conversant with the
tastes and requirements OF each separate class
IN the community. No one better than the
present writer knows what IL is TO have 10 pre-
pare-amid a multitude OF other vacations
two, three, or more sermons 4 week. He has
suffered himself and can, therefore, feel for his
brethren who are suffering. Accordingly he is
anxious, at the lowest price that will cover
actual outlay, 10 impart 10 his brethren the re-
suits Of segnnOn production which has been per
fected bY himself after years OF anxious toll
and profound study.
After a good deal more of this sort
Of thing, the circular went on to ex-
plain that clients could be provided
either (1) with the finished article, i.
e., a Autographed sermon ready for
immediate delivery, and carefully
adapted To any specified class OF hear
ers; or ~ with 'thOught-awakener"
or skeleton. containing outlines, illus
tratiOns. applications. etc. which
could he filed in or ampliiied accord
ing 20 the taste and talents of the pur-
chasers- Finally. n guarantee was
given that the same sermon or body OF
notes would never be sent to two cler-
gymen residing within fifty miles OF
each other. and that, as far as posi-
BILE, a yet wider area Of distribution
would be observed.
DIR. Sparkle smiled as he read the
bOmbastic document. and was about to
throw il into the waste-paper basket.
when something stayed his hand.
Il wonder whether many clergymen
avail. themselves of this sort Of thing.
my iear?r he said. tossing the circular
20 his faithful wife. who generally sat
with him. for an hour OF morning.
To deliberately get up and read an
other mans sermon seems To me abso-
lUtely sinful"
"But all men are not gifted like you.
Lethe. dear; and l suppose there are
some who find it very difficult to preach
q good sermon, suggested Mrs.
Sparkle.
1T Is the dishonesty OF the thing
thai shocks me. explained the Doctor.
IF a man cant write a sermon, or
hasn't time. let him honestly say so.
Let him take printed book and read
from il; but to go into the pulpit with
q lithOgraph, and deliver it aS his own.
is a thing I can not conceive any Chris
tian man daring To do
1T would be different IL il were only
the notes. said ttc lady, who had
been examining "a specimen thought
awakener." thai had been inclOSed
with the circular.
Il don't like the idea at all; l. savors
If untruthfulness. replied the vicar.
in lofty tone.
Mrs. Sparkle felt rebLked. not 50
much for what she had said as for
something she had ventured 10 think.
Some time after this. the vicar found
il necessary 20 appoint u new curate.
the old one having married rich wife
and forthwith kicked over the traces
The requirements for the vacant Office
were a gentlemanly presence, a good
clear voice, and just such an amount
OF preaching ability a would satisfy
the congregation without endangering
the wears asceudency and popularity.
Among the severa! applicants. the
Doctors favorite was Rev. Jonathan
Cribber. But as it was necessary. in
appearance at least. 10 consult the
wishes Of the congregation (whO
we're expected 70 find the funds>.
IL was arranged that before
arriving at decision, the young man
should be invited 70 preach on Ger
tain Sunday evening. Not, OF course,
a trial sermon the vicar was careful
70 explain; that is thing | abOminate
and would always set my face against,
but just to let you see my people. try
your voice, and that sort of thing
Cribber, being a prudent young man.
WSs quite satisfied with this way Of
putting II