The morning news., 1888-07-29

BRIDE Henry, do you know that you snore?
Bridegroom-No. DO |? I'm very sorry to
hear it,
Bride (dryly)-So am L Puck.
SOME CARPENTERS were putting fence around
the yard where little W. lived. Night coming
on before they finished they roughly nailed
some long strips OF timber across the posts to
protect the shrubs. NJ looking at it. said:
That fence is just basted And, my what
long stitches, mamma Christian Register
Mrs. RAzzLE (who has just arrived in the
country --Mr. Razzle wanted m to ask You if
you had room enough in the barn for a pair of
COPS he is to bring mp from the city?
Elnathan-Biess yer heart, of course we has.
He kin put I'm right in tn cOrn-crib long with
tn rest of last years shuc1n'. '."-.Judge.
"Do YoU Know children" said the Sunday
school speaker, THAT to every one of you little
boys the opportunity is open to become Presi-
dent Of the United 1tHteS?'
II know that" said boy who reads the
papers regularly; hut then a boy has got to be
awtully bad and aw'Iily mean before he can
get there Boston TrdaSCriDt.
I A green watermelon sat on fruit stand
Singing Mellow. I'm mellow I'm mellow. -
And small boy stood there with a cent in his
hand,
Saying Mellow its mellow, quite mellow
SO he ate big hunk cut right out of the heart,
And he ate it all up to the hard outside part
And they carried HIM off In rag dealers cart,
Poor fellow poor fellow, poor fellow.
Macon Telegraph.
STRANGER Ito Dime Museum manager)-Say,
would you like to engage a mighty interestin'
freak?
Manager-wel, if it was something that
would draw, 1 might think of it. What have
you got?
Stranger-Just myself, Mister Tn the only
remaining defeated republican candidate who
hasn't sailed for Europe, and l
Manager GnterruptngJ Come right
n,-LJe.
"AND HOW" the lady asked. do you like my
| new gOwn?'
Your new gown" returned the gentleman
addressed looking at the dress which was SO
painfully tight that it made one fairly breath
less merely to look at it.
''Of course. Doesn't it look new?"
well" he replied deliberately, sit looks
fresh enough, but you really must have been
much smaller when you were put into It, -
| Boston Courier
A WEATHER ExPERT-Passenger( Ito stranger)
So you think we are to have hot summer,
| sir.
Stranger pounding the seat)-Think? l don t
| think anything about it--I knoWso' The whole
| country sir, will siz2le until snow flies
Passenger on seem TO be pOsitivs.
Stranger Why, am sure of it as
! am that run the finest hotel in the Dogskill
| Mountains, Put that card in your pocket; it
may save your life.--Life.
WE went to spend day in the country, and
had fine treat of fried chicken for dinner
| Then we took n walk with the children. who
| led the way to the chicken coop
All of our best chickens are dead" said one
| of the children. sadly.
why, what killed them?''
Papa did; but they were going 10 die any
way, cause they had the pip"
What became of them?' (this with heavy
heart and a Squeamish Stomach)
I'VE fried EN- for dinner" answered the
child, sorrowfulIy. Philadelphia Press.
TIE maddcst man in Iowa is the editor of the
Kingsley MetcuB He is a republican The
political status OF his wife was ascertained a
few days ago The editor was called out of
town on the day of publication and left the lady
| in charge As a result the Mercltr's editorial
| column led off with the announcement: ''Cleve-
| land will he reelected President in November
| by an Ovel whelming majority. The democratic
| party will win because it is right. Clpvel nd
has made the best President the country has
ever had and If every state in the union would
| elect none hut democrats, there would be less
| stealing and meanness gong on. ''-BOStor Post