The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-10-03
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


A -spring-The pump.
The moose has great head.
An convenience pen.
A sin of commission-Mo than ten
per cent.
Milk that is absolutely pure must be
milk of the first water-Lue
The lighthouse keeper ought to be
well posted in light housekeeping.
1t is not surprising that an alma mater
should give her students a diploma
Time.
New York can stand the rag and tag,
but it can't endure the bobtall car
LolceV Couri r.
When maa sits down and reflects,
it does not always prove that he is
brilliant. -Judge.
A manse, little friend, is house, and
a romance ought to be a boat house, but
it is not.-HaIper's Ba:dr.
An Exchange says: "The buttermill1
habit is spreading" So is the butter
habit, for that matter. er.-Piayuae.
Bill collectors sometimes initiate the
promoters of a colonization scheme and
offer special inducements to settlers.
A Pittsburg man has a parrot which
can say 'Polly wants crackerW in
three different languages. She is Polly
glot.
It is hardly fair to sneer at carpenter
because you see him driving every day.
Driving nails is not a luxurious pastime.
- -Hupe''s Bazar.
Mamma" said little Willie, in spect-
ing porous plaster, ''are them holes
where the pain comes throughP-
Drake'S Nagdsiae.
One of the parachute jumpers has been
killed out West in falling from his
Laloon. He took drop too much
PHILADELPHIA Pres.
A Boston weighing machine has this
inscription over it; 'Insert half-dime
in the aperture and ascertain your
avoirdupois. Bagar.
81 hear you have had an addition to
your family, Mr.. Brown" Mr.. Brown
sadly: 'NIultiplication, my dear
Madam-tw;nsr r'--Lite.
Guest-'Isn't my dinner ready yetl"
New Waitor-"O, certainly; it was
ready yesterday. 1t is just beng warmed
over a little. ."-SUtiags.
The recent act which prevents the
sending of dunning postal cads through
the mails should have been entitled:
"Post No Bills'-Ne,o Yors Nees.
Eastern people are discussing the
question: "Who is the eatest living
novelist." The correct answer is that
there isn't any. y.-DstroH Free Press.
"Shes the evenest temper ever you saw
He said as he saw me vince
"She got mad once at seven years old,
/ An she's stayed mad ever since
Time
Re Smith-"Hello, Travis! You
look awfully cut up about something.h
/ Tavis-"Yes; shaved myself for the
first time this morning burlington
/ Free Press
"These are hard times" sighed the
young collector of bills. every place l
went to day ! was requested TO call again,
but one, and that was when dropped in
to see my girl '-SNtiay,.
A young rhiladelphian perccives the
disadvantage of living in the Quaker
City," when he gets letter from his best
gir, addressing him as "Friend
Charles, - Lie.
That's itm exclaimed Mrs Bascom
at the concert, rs the singers came ont
again in esponse to an en- ore. make
ZEN do it over again until they get the
thing right, B4Htgt0a Fles Pres
A cynical man says that there are two
occasions when he would like 10 be
present one is when the gas company
pays its water bill; the other is when the
water company pays its gas bill.-Sgt-
i"gS.
Says Willie to Clara; you blush, maiden
meek;
Twas my glance that planted the rose in
your cheek.
Let me pluck IT." Her lashes the blush-roses
Says she: : ,rs but right where you SOW you
Judge.
Pro.ecutiug Attorney Selecting a
juIy) "lsn't the prisoner relative of
youlst" luror-"No, sir: he is a re,a.
tive Of my wife's." Prosecuting Attor-
ney-''lour Honor, the prosecution ac.
crpts this gentleman. ."-At0 York Sun.
cader of Street Band docking into
the skywith extreme disgust, and speak
ing i'm stcntoriau voice l-'' 'Hllfa an hours
play!ng and only thirteen ;nts We
will Try one OF Waguer's grand COM
positions." Shower OF silver coin from
neighboring window and fifty voices in
agonilcd entreaty Move on - ChieagS
Jriiuus
"Why, sir" said the fireman, "tho
iugratitude of some people is way be-
youd understanding. At the Skyhi fats
last week l saved stock brokers'
daughter--carried her down a spliced
ladder seventy feet long, and now"-the
honest fellow gasped for breath-'pm
blowed if he doesn't want me TO marry
her n-Ma Ygrk Aen.