The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-01-26
WIT AND HUMOR.
The midnight serenader's come
His ballad wild to tame,
And though old boots around him hum
He'll guitar just the same.
Uersl031d SsE71

Took long steps, my cheild," said
Solomon Isaacs; ssyou won't wear oud
your shoes nearly so quick. "-Detrost
Free Press. II
Corn may not be very palatable in
its native state, but in the distiller's
hands it becomes lush-us fruit.-MeT-
chant TraUeler.
Mr.. Nevergo Bore (reacling out for
a on-hole)-@What's going on, old
mam?" Mr.. Busy Man (dodging)-'l
am. ."-Bardette.
A certain uptown hotel clerk never
attends funeral because his hab'tuai.
smile is so fixed that ne coul,lnt look
sorry if he tried.-Hotet Mail.
Virtuous Indignation: '1don't know i
ANYTHING about cards, and the one who
does has a heart as black as the ace
of spades - Harper's WeeGy-
A Belfast boatman has just roweds
around Ireland. The Tory papers OF |
England will probably refer TO this as
..Another Irish Row."-Neac York. Isr-
bane.
Mrs. Charlotte Tubbs, of Caroline
county. Maryland, gave birth to four
babies the other night. MIR. Iubbs
turned pail when he heard the news
Minneapolis Tribune.
..Ikev," said Oliver Sweat to his
only son, at dinner the other day.
.what have you in the shape OF gie
s.Pie-plates, promptly responded key
, -Stoughton co. Sentinel
s.Waiter, rake away this beer; it's
muddy" The waiter (without STIR
ring)..sYou are deceived, sir. IL is
the glass which is dirty: the beer IS ex-
cellent. Taste it. Judge.
Papa" asked little Bobby McSwill-
igan, s'what is railroad pool?' "A
railroad pool, Johnny" replied Me-
Swilligan, sis where they water the
stock. .n-Pittsburq Chronicle.
Montana paper referred the other
day to ..Kisser William of Germany"
..Kisser William" is not German. but
an American, and his other front name
is s.Tecumseh. ."-LosceA Courier.
..Did you know that Sword Bearer
had been killed." asked the snake edi-
tor. NO." replied the horse editor.
.sAh, another case Of didn't know it
was Lo dead, see. -PtttsbNrg Chron-
icie.
Prof. Proctor figures that the earth
is shrinking about two inches year.
That accounts for the nervous anxiety
manifested by some people to possess
it while it is of some size.-BuDdto EG-
press.
II is reported that Mrs. Oscar Wilde
does not like to listen to her husbands 5
recitations. What absurdly supertiu-
Gus information the newspapers do
print now and then.-MilsoGuEee Wis-
c0nstfl.
..Did you know mule is mighty
intelligent animal?" said Smythe to
Brown. NO ..Well. he is" How
do you make that out?' Look at the
amount of bravin' work he does."-
Washington Critic.
NO" said Mrs. Maguffn, "my hus-
band isn't what you would call learn
ed man, but he is very ambitious to
acquire an education. Why. he at
tends primaries almost every night. -
Boston Transcript.
She-You're getting long-sighted,
dearest. You'll have TO wear glasses.
He (reading paper at arms lengthy
Stuff and nonsense! It's not my
sight that's long-it's my arms that
aren't long enough.-F~n.
..The people of the western part of
Russia are verv refined. ! believe" OBJ
served the Major 81 didn't know it,"
replied the Judge. Didn't you? Why,
that section of the empire is noted for
its Polish. "-Pittsbmry Chronicle.
Mrs. Popiniay-.'Mr. Popinjay. dc
you propose to put up that stove to-
day, as requested you?" Mr.. Popin-
jay-''But, my dear, You know
Mrs. Popinjay-"Mr. Popinjay, either
put up or shut upin- BnrIinatom Free
Press.
''Confound it." muttered Shaks-
peare's ghost, as it fitted through Ig-
natius Donnellv's sanctum, s'why
couldn't they have stirred up all this
discussion about Bacon and me while
i was a theatrical managerp"-Aer-
chant TrdreIer.
E'What did you marry my son forP''
fiercely demanded an old gentleman OF
clergyman who had just united his
runaway scapegrace in the holy bonds.
Two dollars. sir, :" meekly replied the
domine, Ito be charged to you. p
Biasghamton Republican.
High-school girl-"Jennie, do YOU
still believe in Columbus as the dis
covefer of American" Jennie-'sI
don't know, and | don't care; Eve beeu
bored to death about it. Id Just as
Left think it was Norseman as an
italian. "-Boston Beacon.
''Who is that brute across the street
who slaps those little hoyse For a
cent I'd go over and kick him. - Leave
him alone. It's the only comfort he
has" ''Why?" '.He's editor of the
'Children's Corner department of a
weekly paper.-Ltneotn journal.
Saving the pennies makes million.
aires, but little Somerville boy saws
that he has given up all idea of being
millionaire himself so long as his
father keeps up his habit of shaking
the bank whenever he wants a matu-
final cigar Somercitte Journal
Instructor (sternly)-Mr Freshly,
this is the third time that you have
handed in only three pages of written
matter, while the rest of the class hand
in five. Freshly, '91-Yes, sir; but
(struck with bright idea) use ever
so much thicker paper.-Hargard Lam
Poon.
Father-tAin't you going to workP'
Lazy son-"Guess not" II don't un-
derstand how anybody can loaf such
weather as this: Why. it is real
pleasure to work now" Il know it,
but don't want to give myself up too
much to mere enjoyment. Texas Syt-
5ngs.
Mr.. Waldo Ga guest of Mrs. Wabash
of Chicago)-That is very odd-look-
ing table-knife, Mrs. Wabash; silver,
is it notP Mrs. Wabash-Yes, it has
been in the family great many years,
and Iprize it very highly as an heir
loom. l only use it to eat pie with
TEXAS Sittings.
Hotel clerk-''No, sir, we cannot
accommodate you. You have neither
baggage nor money" II know
haven't, but came to town in freight
car, and there is considerable coal
dust in my hair" swell, comb it out
carefully and that will do."-Nebraska
State journal.
The fiexibility of the English Ian