The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
From Everywhere.

A Kansas school teacher offered prize to che
scholar who would come to school with the
Cleanest face. He was unable to recognize some
of his pupils the next day.-BHLiHgtOn Free
Press.
The Boston Transcript tells of two shoemak-
ers who formerly did business in Boston. One
of them placed this sign over the door: Z" p.
Flaherty, Bootmaker, from Paris" His rival
saw that this was strong card, and determin-
ed to play one equally strong if not stronger.
So he had a sign put over his door, which reads
as follows: -. Mahoney, Bootmaker. Never
in Paris, But as Good"
What's in a name2 One Jacob Walkawai
was killed by locomotive at East Buffalo on
Friday. But if Jacob had been able to walk
away he wouldn't have been run Over.-Bufalo
Express.
Augustus Popinjay-Now really, Miss De
Smith, is Miss Travis well-informed girl?
Miss De SMITH should say she was She
knows everything that goes on in this town.
Burlington Free Press.
Said rich man on the eve of departing this
life the other day Do not let my son be
brought up to sit in club window" W."-BOSt0n
Gazette.
This morning overheard a farmer say
For my part l think the Gov'ment oughter
set the price eT cotton so we kin all know what
hits er gwinter be."-Atldnta Journal.
AT 4 pTtyGF-lneGLlilS III q western Town tle
pastor urged the people to ask any question
that they would like to have answered. This
prompted an old fellow to get up and remark
"What / want TO know is, eff an oath taken on
a Bible which hez the fust ten chapters of
Gennyss kissed of'n it, is binding?"
III Volapuk "galon means to rejoice. That
is what young man does when he has gallon
his knee. Volapuk is no slouch of language,
after all.-NOrriStOlCn Herald.
AnOil City boy of12 years gets up in hissleep
and plays the piano. We never hear of 12-
year old boy getting up in his sleep and cutting
wood or doing some other useful work. As the
old Greek philosopher says, He isn't con-
strueted on that model"
Baptist Church might do without bell,
but you would naturally suppose that at times
they would need a wringer.-BOStOH Bulletin.
You never see a man go up side street with
long string of ish.-OHawa Local Nsws.
Miss Beaconhill-So you are q Harvard man,
Mr.. Go Easy; and what class are you in?
Jack Go-Easy-Im in the heavyweight class
now, Miss BeacOnhill but hope to get down
to middle-weight next Winter if | train hard.
-Hargard LampoOn.
Tommy was at Sunday school in his first pair
of trousers and picture of a lot of little
angels was before the class.
"TOmmy, would you like to be q little
| angel?" asked the teacher.
"No, ma'am," replied Tommy, after a care
| full inspection of the picture.
Not be angel, Tommy? Why not?" in
| quired the teacher in surprise.
| "Cause, ma'am, III have to give up my new
| trousers" - Washington Critic.
Mutual Woman Ito tramp)-And
if give you nice plate OF hash, you promise to
saw some wood?
Tramp-Yes, IN.
| Woman (doubtfully)-I don't know whether
I can put confidence in you or not.
Tramp (reproachfully) - You ought to
ma'am. l have confidence enough in you tC
eat the hash.-Harper's BGzar.
Ola Financial lNature-Bobby (thoughtfully,
Pa, do men in business worry about money
matters?
Father-Sometimes Bobby. For instance
| when a man whose credit is not first-class owes
me money, | worry more or less until l get it
Do you understand?
Bobby-Yes, pa, and when you owe money t
other people l spose they worry until they gel
| it.-The Epoch.
A Nice Servant irl-Mother-What, move
| reading again, Mary?
Daughter pulling up the heel of her slipper
! Well, there's nothing for me to do. You dC
everything about the house.
Nj have to- Pm sure | don't know what
to become of you Mary. You can't cook, yoI
can't make bread, / can't trust you to make
bed. If your father and | should be taker
away what would become of your
Did get married.
M.-But suppose you couldn't get married?
| Dwell, if the worst came to the worst,
could hire ont tas servant girl.-BoStoH Courier