The morning news., 1888-12-25
BRIGHT BITS.

no" she sobbed, in the sanctity of her
ooudolr-"no, can never marry man whose
monogram Is printed in green, and who writes
WIN purple ink oh, If he had only asked me
TO marry him instead of writing to me, things
would have been SO ditferent!'-Hdrpers
Bazdr.
FARMERS WIFE-Gentleman here to-day to
offer you $4,000 for that railroad frontage
down in the meadow.
Earmer-Well, Matilda, it won't do fer us to
sell until my suit agin the railroad fer damages
Ter spelling that meadow is settled -Fhtddet
phid Record.
ASSISTANCE, Nor ANNOYANCE - Friend -
heavens, Bagley! How can you write with that
baby's unnteIligible prattle ringing in yonr
ears?
Bagley-Don't disturb us, Dobson. I'm writ
ing dialect story and the baby is furnishing
the language.-Life
AT THE AcADEMY--lIr Broadbrush IA promis-
ing panter)-Good morning, Mrs Budrose:
good morning, MISS Violet. You must excuse
me. ladies', but have been watching you ad-
mire my picture
Both ladies Suddenly and without thought
On, Mr.. Broadbrush, l hope you didn't hear
what we aid!-LiJe.
A TERRIBLE DIsAPPoINTMENT -Mother-Why
my dear, what's the matter2 Something has
happened at Mrs. De Music's party know
Tell me all about it, my child.
Daughter-Boo-hooi Mrs. de Music asked me
to play, and-and when told her was out of
practice she said she so sorry, and didn't
ask me again. Boo-hoo-hoo !'-New York
Weekly
The newest thing in wedding tours is called
the secret Honeymoon neither bride nor
groom having any idea where they are going
The idea is not new. For years many young
people have married without having any idea
where they were going, or how they were going
to get there when they did know They didn't
have enough money to go to housekeeping
NOrristoICn Herald.
On THE HoNEYMooN.-Mr Seabury-Why that
smile. sweetheart?
Mrs Seabury-I was Just thinking Of mammals
last admonition to be careful of alligators after
we got here.
Mr.. Seabury-Nonsense, We haven't seen
one since we left her. (And the suspicion of an
accent on the ''her" marred what would have
been a very pleasant afternoon. Time.
CUSTOMER Ito Chatham street gun and pistol
dealer)-I want to buy pistol to commit
sui
Dealer-votl vot! vot. Mein freund, know
shust vot you want. You want Won of my patent
selluf-cockng hair trigger, sure enuff. sef-de-
tenders Dot vas made for me exclusively
You need never feel afraid init dot pistol In
your pocket But be careful dot you don't
shoot yourselluf.-Neto York Sun.
A SAD PuzzLE.-Grafton (entering his friends
apartments)-Good gwacious, Algy, why this
dishabille? Two O'Clock in the awftawnoon and
no cwavat on!
Baboony (despairingly Peace, peace, Cholly
Tis better to have nothing than to be racked
with the thought that what you have might
have been bettahl I've looked ovah these 200
ties, but cawnt decide which best harmonizes
with this December sky.-TerdS Siftings
"WHAT is the secret of your successg' asked
the poet.
That's just it, replied the busy merchant:
there is no secret about it, L IN the biggest ad-
vertiser in the state. There's nothing secret
about my business" And the poet made a note
Of it. But the very next man to whom he spoke
about it happened to be his friend, the burglar.
who scoffed at the idea. Why" he said
secrecy is the very soul of success in my busi-
ness. Never advertise, whatever you do" And
the poor poet went out and bought three
months communication ticket for the lunatic
asylum. -Burdette, in Brooklyn Eagle.