Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-01-12
BILL NYEAND THE BARBER.
He Goes in to His One Hair Trimmed and En-
counters Misfortune.


To-day [ got shaved at barber shop,
where begged the operator to kill me
and put me out of ray misery.
have been accustomed to gentle care
and thoughttulness at home, and my
barber handles NE with the utmost ten
derness. 1 was, therefore, poorly pre-
pared TO meet the man who this morning
filed my soul with woe.
know that have not deserved this,
for while others have beraled the poor
barber and swOre about his bad breath
and never ending clatter and his general
heartlessness, have never said anything
that was not filed with child-like trust
and hearty will toward him.
have called the attention of the pub
lie to the fact that sometimes customers
had bad breaths and were restless and
mean, while being operated on, and then
when they are all fixed up nicely they put
their hats on and light cigar and hold
up their fingers to the weary barber and
cell him that they will see him more sub
sequently.
Now. however, feel differently.
This barber, no doubt, had never heard
of me. He thought I was an ordinary
plug who didn't know anything about
luxury.
shall make copy of this paper and
send it to him. Then while he is read
ing it l will step up behind him with a
pick handle and kill him. I want him to
be reading this when [ kill him, because
I will assist the Coroner in arriving a
the immediate cause of his death.
The first Whit / took Of this mans
breath [ knew that he was runs maniac
Ho had the Jim jams in an advanced
stage. Now, L don't object to being
shaved by barber who is socially drunk,
but when the mad glitter of the maniac is
IN his eye, and can see that he is debat-
ing thu question of whether he will cut my
head of and let it drop over the back Of
the chair or choke me TO death with a
lather brush, 1t makes me nervous and
fidgetty. He honed his razor on his
breath, in fact.
This man made up his mind three time
that he would kill me, and some one cam
in Just in time to save me.
His chair was near Ii window, and there
was hole III the blind, so that when he
was shaving the off side of my face he
would turn my head over in such a posi-
ticn that l could look up into the middle
of the sun. My attention had never be
fore been called TO the appearance OF the
sun as it looks to the naked eye, and
was good deal surprised.
The more / looked into the very center
Of the great orb of day the more I was
filed with wonder at the might and power
that could create it. I began to pine for
death Immediately, so that 1 could be far
| away among the heavenly bodies, and in
2 land where 10 barber with the delirium
triangies can ever enter.
This barber held my head down so that
| the sun could shine into my darkened I'M
Outstanding, until I felt that my brain
had melted and was floating around and
smashing about in my skull like warm
| butter.
His hand was very unsteady, too. [ lost
faith in him on the start, when he cut of
mole under my chin and threw it in the
cuspadore. 1 did not care especially fo1
! the mole, and did not need it much, but
at the same time l had net decided to take
| it off till the weather got warme u
| fact l had worn 1t so long that | hao }
come attacked to it. 1t had also becos1f
| attached to me. That is why | could no.
restrain my tears when the barber cut
| off and then stepped back TO the othel
end of the room TO see how 1 locked with
/ o1t it.
Bill, NYF AT LARGE.