The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-04-07
SIX MONTHS OF NIGHT.
San Francisco Chronicle.

II they ever ma the north pole and it becomes colonized they're going to have an awful time of it. They will have daylight six months and dark ness six months out of the year. The great check on immortality is daylight. There is certain limit of trouble and ingenuity beyond which immortality will not go. The limit is far enough off at the best, but if it were night for six months on end what would be- come of us2 Husbands would never go home at all. Parties would only be divided by the time necessary to recruit exhausted nature; a woman would need a new dress every four hours because she couldn't go to more than two parties in the same dress, and it would be an awful hardship to do even that. Theyswould say:
 "Why, do look at Mrs. -. She wore that same dress at the Smiths just ten hours ago."
 "Are you going to the theatre now?"
 "No; saw the piece already to- night"
 "Get up.n
 "What time is it?"
 "Don't know; but put you to bed in a miserable condition six hours since, and we are due at the Jones'"
 "Well, wait till I get my breakfast or supper or dinner which is it, any how?"
 "Don't remember it is my one hun dredth and sixteenth meal this sea- son."
 "Don't light the gas yet. only saved 100000, and that gas bill is getting prodigious. A new dress? That's the fifteenth in 175 hours"
 "Great Scottl the meters busted and the electric wire's broken. Where are my boots?"
 And the daylight would be confus- ing. A man would never know when to leave his business. Newspapers would be published just when every thing happened, which would be very frequently.
 "Come on; let's go home."
 "Hold on; just one game more."
 "We've been at it just forty eight hours now by the watch"
 "Where's my dinner?"
 "Reaily, my dear, I didn't think it was so long since the last meal, and I've been shopping"
 Shopping! You came home from shopping just before 1 went out, and woke me up to borrow money for car fare."
 "This bonnet is all wore out. l can't be seen on the streets with it again."
 "Julius Cesar! You've only had it two hours"
 "Yes, but every woman know has seen it by this time."
 "Got lawn tennis party in if teen minutes, you say? Well, you've only come in from boating. You won't see the winter if you go on like this. No, I haven't had but three drinks since left home."
 "By the way, John, I want you to drive me out to the park"
 "I can't; Pm sleepy. Pve been up thirty-six hours."
 "Well, Pve only seen you fifteen minutes"
 "I can't help that; you know per- fectly we'll the photographing busi- ness will have to shut up pretty soon, and Pve got to make all can out of 1t now"
 Just think, however, the trying po- sition of men who would like to get full.
 "Look at MT. Jones! We'll, never Staggering along the street in broad daylight! am ashamed of him!'
 And all tho neighbors watching Jones trying to find keyhole in the fence, and, perhaps, taking his clothes off outside of the door. Ot course there would be compensation for such people in the winter. Night was evil dently intended by nature to enable the exercise of the objectionable pro- pensities of the human, anyway.
 Both For the Price of One