New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-04-29

asking for seeds and by way Of inducements tho writer
added this postscript
You tickle now, and at the next election We win
tickle you"
clerk Of the Land onice, who is somewhat Of a
wag, and has recently returned from Dakota, whore
10 was sent to investigate land matters aston
shes his colleagues In the Office by tho astonishing
/ fertility Of his Imagination He tells numbcrloss
stories of tho accommodating qualities Of the average
| Dakota hurricane
There is man out therc,n says he, "who had
presumption and homestead claims adjoining He
had Just proved up the former, when the following
remarkable occurrence took place. Tho day after his
PROOF had been made, he eating his evening meal
In tho shanty with neIghbor. Say, pard' he rc-
marked, now that I've got my pre- cmption III have
to move this house into the homestead ciaim as It
VIII DO cheaper than putting up another Hardly
were the words out Of his mouth whom ono OF those
sudden small cyclones struck the shanty. and strange
as 1t may seem. lifted the house OF the presumption
and set 1t down the homestead, without breaking
anything except shaving cup
That clerks reputation for truthtulness has boon
seriously damaged since his return from Dakota.
Prominent official Of the Treasury Department,
who has the reputation of being connoIsseur Of fne
wines, had guest, the other day, at his table,
prominent South Carolina Judge. Tho judges glass
was filed several times by his host with somo exceed
ngly fine saucrne Of which the host particularly
proud. The Judge drank tho contents Of his glass
down at q single gulp, every time stil he did not
seem to enjoy his wine very much The host turning
to him. finally said:
slow do you like that wine, Judgci It is some
that was sent from France not long ago"
Tho Judge filed his glass once moro and did not set
1t down until he had drained 1t Of It's last drop.
at tastes hrstrate," ne answered at last "but
somehow another, II doesn't quite TO reach
The host laughed, and handing down bottle OF
whiskey, said, Suppose you try that
And from tho expression the Judges faoe, It was
quito apparent that 1t had reached
OF this same Judge, heard sftorwardi another
story which Is worth repeating. 1t appears that
while holding court day, in his native State, he
grew very weary Of the endless tongues Of the ator-
neys, and calling to balif said huskily go over
to tho Hole In tho wal and bring mo q drink OF
whiskey1
Tho bailf disappeared and 70 appeared shortly
aftcrward with inch and half Of Juice in the
glass, enough for any Christian man, but not SUI
lciepcy for South Carolina judiciary system.
"Go back growled the Judge, and tell Haggcrty
10 send me n drink. A drink Of whiskey.'
Tho bailif disappeared and resppearcd the second
timo with a tumbor trimming full
"Ah!' said the judge, "That, now, Is q drink.
But what" wipng his lips with tho cuf Of his coat
@did he sayf'
"Whor asked tho bailif
"Why, Haggerty, OF courses
"oh he didn't say anything, your Honor answered
tho balllf, hesitatng ttlo and blnshng scarlet
" He didn't" persisted the Judge ssupiciously,
"NoD
"But he must have made somo remark: now, what
did he sayr
"well, don't like to tell, your Honor
GO on and tell exactly what he sald,r dem andod
tho Judge
dwell, your Honor drawIod out tho bailn "he
SAID sent him drink of whlskey at first. because
didn't know that tho old fool wanted TO take bath"
One OF the most solemn and hcsrtrcndng duties OF
every Representative In Washington is to present
brides and grooms from his district to the President
]. Is at the morning eyees Of tho President that tho
ceremony takes place. The President has been nearly
four years receiving these visits and, he maglnes
that no will have four years more Of the same sort Of
thing he has got by heart nice set OF little reversible,
double action speeches, which enable him entirely to
discard tho cyclopeda, and charm and delight the
young man and young woman who have Just commit
ted matrmony.
The scene IS something like this Tho crowd which
has been corraed first in tho outer the
second floor of tho White House let into tho Prosl
Dental Office by solemn, silveropped old gentleman
The portly First Magstrate' stands at little desk
admitted to audience seat themselves along tho
wall and thon in turn they approach and hold few
moments conversation with him.
Here comes q member from New-England State,
and following In bis wake the inevitable bride and
groom The groom looks nervous and fdgets with his
hat and umbrella, but tho bride Just trios to look
pretty and making OF 1t, she we'll knows,
IS not the least bit bashfu Tho Congressman looks
bored and seems be wondering 1t is possible that
there any unmarried people left In his district
"Mr. President, allow mo to present, ETC., etc.
Tho President smiles blandly and shakes hands per
functorly. He catchos tho name of the place from
which tho couple are he touches stop In bis mental
monograph and says:
"skowhcgan! All, yes Beautiful place Good
fishing about there, am told l have long been con-
femplatlng a trip to your beautiful city, but never
have been able to get there. hopo to some day,
however,
This is said seriously then Iokngly he adds;
"You must keep your eye on your Congressman
here Io Is trying to OF with all the honors OF
the House. Good day.
Another handshake, and tho bride and groom depart
spread the praises OF the President and the Congress
man throughout tho woods Of Maine.
The next couple arc from Chicago, and aftor tho
usual Introduction, the Same old perfunctory hand
Shake and the smile, the President says
"Chicago? All. yes. beautiful place.
He fumbes at tho Keys of the mental photograph
second, ana getting hod OF tho one nidlAou NhcAk"b
proceeds as follows:
"A great city, destined probably to be one OF tho
Lar gcst In tho world have the pleasantest recoi-
loctlons OF Chicago. and am always charmed to meet
people from there. Keep your eye on your Repro
sentative here. aud mako him show you the CITY,
Good day."
And I. toes on for hour or two, Congress-
men, Senators and prominent officials. who have onfl'
ness to talk ovor with the President alternating with
the perlpatetc bride and groom, and the longsuner
Ing Congressman, their guide
The advantage of tho Presidents little speeches
can easily be recognized. They are In SETS esch SET
suited to a particular section. Now ono speech can
DO made, By tho Presidential process, TO Apply 10
nearly hundred different places. All no has 70 a"
Is to catch the namo OF tho place from "hloh 'ho
bride and groom hail, and turn on the montai po'p"
graph filling in tho blanks with tho name OF tho