The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-07-05
WIT AND HUMOR.

than TO be President is often neither
1iifscoskEee Journal.
Cats are the poets of the lower ami
mals. They alone cultivate the news.
'--Psttsburg Chronicle.
One never grumbles if he finds ahare
among the viands while eating game
supper.-Detroit Free Press.
A hew and cry usually follow the
small boys acquisition of a pocket
knife. -Binghdnaton Leader.
Some men never seem to get ahead
in the word. and then again some men
get too much s.head. .''-Yonkers States
man.
The early bird catches the worm, but
the man who stays up all night Is gen
orally the one to see ''snakes. ''-lo'l-
kerS' Statesman.
The bright, dewy morning of the
average Kentucky Colonel is in the
evening, about 10 oclock.-Ke,atucky
State Republican.
"Woman is mans counselor" says
divine. Perhaps that explains why
her fees are so notoriously high.-Bt'sg-
ha,liton Republican.
A Chicago man on a witness-stand
&S1A Ia a uCdu A1C W eho SAAN
truth and the novelty paralyzed him.
Neao Orleans Pieayst'ae.
The trunk manufacturers trust is
preparing a medal for the most sue
cessful baggage-smasher on any trunk
Gne.-Nea0 Orleans Picayane.
1t always troubles girl to have
mustache come upon her upper lip. I'M
less she really has special liking for
the fortunate young man--Sonler0alte
Journal.
Hogs are now killed by electricity at
st Petersburg. 1t is hard to bring
poor defenseless hog down to the level
of a common New York murderer
Peck's San.
. Following in the wake of modern
cities. Damascus is to have streef-cars.
This will enable the rowing blades of
Damascus to get about easier.-Nea0
Orleans Picayu'ae.
Brown (Finishing his story)-Now
that is what / call-well, grewsome.
Robinson Right you are, old man; at
least it grew some since heard it last.
--Nea0 HdUeis Nescs.
When husband sits up the greater
part of the night playing draw poker
his wife goes to the kitchen in the
morning and takes her turn at the
game.-Neao Haceas Nesos.
The old saying has it that it takes
nine tailors to make man. Some
times nine tailors together couldn't
make man pay for the clothes he
avears.-Jour7sdl OF Education.
81 hear young Fastleigh has been
painting the town red since his uncle
left him quarter of a million" ''Why,
anybody could paint the town red with
a quart of vermillion. Life.
..This paper says, Politics makes
strange bed-fellows,' said Rollo.
What do politicians do with a bed?"
They lie in it, my son." said Rollo's
father, .sthey lie in it.''-Burdette.
A new gun has been designed for our
army. AS the enemy approaches the
muzzle his attention is attracted by a
small sign, Drop penny in the slot
and see the gun go off. London Lib
eral.
sack, can it be that you are going
to marry Miss Equilateral?" .'Yes,
Tom, and if you say anything to dis
parage her" ..Disparage her! Why,
She proposed to me, too, lastleap year!"
Life.
Augustus Popinjay (to his country
cousin, who is on a visit to the family)
DO you object to the weed, Bella?
Bella-No; but pa does. He's at 'em
with the hoe early and late. -Baating-
ton Free Press.
II say, Jack, they've got so now that
they can draw pictures on paper by
telegraph.'' ''Pohl that's nothing. I've
drawn drafts on my guv'nor by tele-
graph for the last three years. ''-Har-
Gdrd Laanpoon-
It would bring the salt tears to the
eyes of stone lion to see a Vassar
graduate and Harvard man who took
honors in French at college trying to
order dinner together in Paris res
taurant. of Education.
'EWhat are those?" asked man at a
st. Louis restaurant, pointing to a
dish. ''Fried soles,n replied the wait
er. 'Have one?" LET ME have heel
first, and if don't like it there won't
he so much to throw away Life.
Mr.. Ham (the eminent tragedian)-
1.-THE dramatic profession in this coun-
try, my dear sir, is making rapid
strides" Dear Sir (much impressed)
-"Yes; suppose it has to at times, to
get out of the way of trains. ''-TidB
Miss Beaconhill-So you are Har-
ward man, Mr.. Go-Easy and what class
are you in? Jack Go-Easy-I'm in the
heavyweight class now. Miss Beacon
hill; but hope to get down to middle
weight next winter if / train hard
Harvard Lampoon.
-'Do you believe that man is contin-
ually growing smaller in stature?n
Certainly do" What are your rea-
sons for itp'' Il have no reasons, but
l know that l was six feet high before
marriage and now l feel as though
ought to walk on stills. .'-Lincol,s jour
NAL
Farmer Scroggs Co G. A R. man
whom he is entertaining)-Yes, them
war great times. ought t. know for
left an arm at Antietam. Friend
(who has entered unnoticed) )-Thats
the first time heard your old NOW
ing-machine wuz SO fur south.-1Td-
Bits.
First pretty creature-Yesterday was
my birthday, dear; and my Charlie
gave me a string of such beautiful
Searls-one for every year. Second
ditto (who has failed to secure Charley
How sweet, dearest. What an ex-
pensive present-such long string,
dear!-Fun.
St. Peter-..Well, stranger, who are
you?" "I'm an American. / died at
1ast.'' 81 see your record is pretty
good. You may go in" ..Where'H I
get my Tyre and crownp' s.We don't
give them to Americans, but you'll find
a bat and spiked shoes inside the por-
tails - Ti91col1l .IOal9-1anI