News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-03-29

Best POlicy-Must Have Been
CoId-It was Fully Explained
Etc, Etc.
SEEN BY ALMOND EYES.
'I saw you looking on at the toboggan
Glide in the baseball park on the west
side yesterday" said Brown to the
Chinsman who hal Just brought in his
laundry. "What do you think Of tohog
gaming, John z"
"W-h-i-s-h Walkee backce mile =
said the sensible Chinaman.-Chicag'
Mdt.
NO CAUSE FOR ALARM.
Miss Ethel about to be married)-O
l know | shall be so nervous Just before
the wedding.
Miss Clara cher bosom friend)-I don
think you will have any cause to fee
nervous, Ethel; am quite sure George
will be on hand.-TeraS Sittinqs.
SO NEAR.
Mrs. Cassidy-Why don't you come
down and see me, Mrs. M'Ginnis7
Mrs. MGinnis-And it's you that E
talkin', Mrs. Cassidy; aud not o sight
did / see of We since last Aisther Sure,
if I lived as near to you as you do to me
I'd be droppin' in every week
PITY.
$50 you are to be married" z"
eyes, and to the incest girl in the
world Charley, she's worth o mll-
lion p
"You don't say so! Harry, I con-
gratulate you, old boy !"
"Yes, she's worth n million of such
girls as one sees in society l'
"Oh !" Charley murmurs as he goes
off, poor fellow, how I pity him p
Boston transcript.
RUNS AWAY.
The pen is q mighty engine, and it
sometimes runs away with the engineer.
-Chicdgo Times.
Some people see fun in coasting
Other people go down hill fast enough
without getting on sled.-S0merctH6
Journal.
MIXED DISHES.
The conversation had turned upon the
subject of the relative merits of the var
ious kinds of food as regards healthful-
ness.
'In regard to what I shall eat" OBJ
served the Boston young lady, pleasant
ly, and yet with dignity, as she regard
ed the dish before her, 'I never take
anybody's ipse dixit.
81 told you, james," said the embar-
rassed hostess, St. Louis lady, "that
Miss Howiames wasn't ready for mince
pie yet.
THE MAN OF IT.
Wife-What do you mean, John,
when you say that my studying German
is n real act of kindnessf
Husbnnd-I mean my dear, that it
will give the English language little
needed rest.
THE BEST POLICY.
"You spilled this ink on the floor,
did you?" said the wholesale grocer to
the storeboy; ''that is right. Tell the
truth, my lad. I would rather you
spilled q barrel of ink than to lie. In
tegrity, my boy, integrity and truthful
ness-let that he your motto. / attrib-
ute my business success to the strict OBJ
servance of that motto. You can go now
and finish stenciling pure Vermont
Maple Sugar on those cans. Chtcago
Tribune.
IN FRANCE.
A young man to the object of his af-
lection:
Il love you and wish to marry you,
mademOiselle."
Have you spoken to my parents
YETI"
eyes, and they have given me your
consent.
EVEN THAT PLACE SHUT UP.
Maud (awakening suddenly at a. M
there's man trying to break
into the house.
Mother (wearily)-Hush, my child, it's
your father; he's afraid to ring the door
bell.-Binghamton Herald.
so LATE.
"When you call on sister Clara, Mr.
Featherly," said Bobby, "you never
stay later than II o'clock, do you3" No,
indeed, Bobby, and often not as late MS
that" That's what pa said. He told
ma that there was no danger of your
ever staying any later than quarter to
IL, II1S 6tIOOuS CIODo up aG 4As
He KNEW.
One day when the teacher of kinder
garten was giving the first lesson III geo.
Rraphy, she used ball to illustrate the
shape of the earth After n careful ex-
planatiou she gave the ball to little
boy and said: "Now, Johnny, can you
tell me what is round like ball3'
"Yes'm," said John, delightedly, IAN
other one. = YOUTHS COmpdHt0n.
MUST HAVE BEEN COLD.
Uncle Ben to Brudler 'Rastus-Rad-
der cold las nj, Brud Ter 'Rastus2
Brudder 'Rastus (indignantly)-Well,
now, shud say twas. Anna put two
cumf'ters on ds bed, an den I put my
Of coat on, an wasn't warm 'nuf den, SO
I went over to Brudder Joes house an
got his OF obercoa' an putson an den
laid wake best par der night ter see if
Use warm nuf.-N. J. Sun.
EXPLAINED.
Wife-What is meant, John, by the
phrase carrying Goals to Newcastle2"
Husband-It is metaphor, my dear,
showing the doing of something that is
Wife-I don't exactly understand;
give me an illustration, familiar one.
Husband-Well, If [ was to bring you
home a book entitled "How to Talk,
hat would be carrying Goals to New
castle.
SURE INDICATION.
He-My darling. really believe my
rheumatism has already disappeared.
She-Oh, I am sorryl Now We shall
never know when the weather is going to
change .-Bo>tJR Gusette.
NOTHING SERIOUS.
Miss Clara Ito Featherly, who is MAX
ng an evening calr-Poor little Bobby
,w allowed n penny to-day, and we've
been so much worried about it.
FeatherIy somewhat ut q loss for
word of encouragement)-Oh | would
lot worry, Miss Clara; a penny isn't
much.
TOO MUCH AT HOME.
In St. Paul shoe store where there
IS sign that reads, "None but gentle
men employed as clerks. Ladies may
feel perfectly at home when purchasing
goods here" the other day clerk went
10 the proprietor and said:
Don't you think we'd better pull that
sign downf"
tWhat for2"
"Because the women read it and sit
lown on the floor when trying their
shoes on.
ISLANDER.