Sharp County record., 1888-08-23
FULL OF FUN.

FULL OF FUN.
"A witness who was testifying in an
oil well case was urged to tell the
s'hole" truth. Traveler.
Teacher Ito class s)-"Why is pro-
crastination called the thief of time?'
Boy Cat foot of class)-"Because it
takes person so long to say it,
Life
Recently a disgusted Oshkosh
(Wis.) juryman offered to pay the
sum in dispute if the claimant would
dismiss the case. The offer was re-
fused.
"A Southern poet has written some
lines and dedicated them to lottery
ticket We take it that they are
written in blank yerSe.-Y0nkerS StGteS-
man.
When lovely woman buys polly,
Which she designs shall talk and pray,
How shocked is she, and melancholy
To find the parrot swears all day.
The Idea.
-CustOmer-"Give me dose OF
whisky" Druggist-"W What's the mat
ter with you?" Customer-"Ague." "
DruggiSt-"Oh, you shake for the
drinks, do your Washington Critic.
Texas Judge -" What's the
charge?' Plaintiff Prisoner stole a
horse" Texas Judge - "Then he
I, mustang" The Judge falls pierced by
II sixteen bullets.-I0wn Topics.
-"What's your order, sir?" said a
I restaurant waiter to a baseball pitch
y er. "Ill take a hot grounder' and a
g foul tip, ~ he replied. And the waiter
.F brought him baked potato and quail
m on toast.-N Y. Journal.
NM NJ, He 90 p. m, and the lamp turned
M. low-humorouSly)-"lt isn't at all
Og queer, is it, Edith, that one should find
oa electric kisses when he goes spark
ingp" She-"Yes queer, indeed, Mr..
ga I Standotf, when the lady's negative is
d positive, ,"-Judge.
iTr We are told that the Siberian rail
y road will connect Napirsk, Chita,
Irkutsk, TOmsck, TobOlsk, and Ekat-
,eS, erineburg We think if these names
an were connected and had handle ad-
l. ta justed to the rear end they would make
ll2a a frst-class meat-Saw.-Puch,
mi. Young Mr.. Wabash-"May | have
4 il, the pleasure of acting as your escort
s at to supper, Miss Breezy?" Miss Breezy
IEes (scanning her carO-"Oh, thanks,
''' awfully; | see Mr.. Porcincs name is
,,. down for the first valse in that direc-
tr,s. ton. But you may have the second,
Mr.. Wabash. = Time,
'"E -"Only think, Agnes" remarked
lstm Mrs. Elderly, lit is just thirty years
Il vfago to-day since pa and l married."
rue ,A"Yes, and what pity you married SO
al young! Had you waited a few years, |
r.cs, should not be as old as | am, and there
be still a chance for me. '-BOS-
n attaon TRANSCRIPT.
q Slss --Tramp-'I know it, a'am; I'm
.5.j ,llways out of work, but it's all my
,taatussed luck" WOman-"IIow is that,
gFnh, man. Tramp-"It's this way,
lit na'am, In the winter feel like mow-
ing lawns and in the summer | Just
,r +s,i ctually crave to shovel snow, and
santst lature continually balks me. Have
de AZ ou such a thing as pie in the hOuso?"
ks at A -Haiper'S Ba2ar.
" u~ ana ~ d Father, (whom Bobby has induced
this WI, take him)-"Now, Bobby, don't
Il you alite understand this If the man who
,crs wlrows the ball fails to hit the club
OIL On ter three trials, does that put the
ny'.D ~. npire out?" Bobby-'Pa, do you re-
/ Il. NV vi, ember why you sent me to bed last
n % berrlght at seven o'cloc<?' Father
S capaVhy, n-no." Bobby-"lt was for
phots king foolish questions. W Y Sun
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