davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12
BRIGHT BITS.

EARLY MoRN1HG CALLER-Wherei is your auntie,
Alice
Alice-She is upstairs in her nightey, looking
over the baluSter.-LJe.
Mr. WALDO (at a dinner party)-May l pass
you the cheese, Miss Breezy?
Miss Breezy ldaintily)-Thanks a small hunk,
please --Net1 York sun.
WEE--I see that the poet. Whittier, in his sOth
year, mourns that he never got married.
Husband-Yes; some people never do know
when they are well off.-NetC York Sun.
CADET (vaiug1oriouslyl-Tm afraid we fighting
men are too-susceptIble, Miss Brenton.
Miss Brenton-Yes how awfully susceptible
Mr.. Smith was to Mr.. Kilrain, wasn't hes-Tid
Bits
Miss ETHEL--And SO you are really engaged
to Mr. Sampson. Claray
Miss Clara (blushing(-Yes, II all happened
last evening. Ethel.
Miss Ethel-What blessing leap year is, dear
--Nei0 York Sun.
PROFESSOR at Vassar TO class)-Now. who can
tell me the most wonderful achievement of the
nineteenth century Miss Norris 1 see your
hand raised.
Miss Norris (proudly)-My sister Nellie has
taught herpug dog, Thistle, to chew gum
Judge
A NORTH SIDE NArRoN bought roll of oilcloth
at a ueighbOring store
shall i have it delivereds" asked the mer-
chant.
NO thanks" was the reply 81 shall carry
il home, and all the women on our street will
think | have the very latest thing out in the
way of pocket book. '-Chicdgo Netcs.
Mn. MoREHEAD Cyvho has been waiting an hour
for a reply to his invitatiOn)-Well, Tommy was
Miss Sitter at home,
Tonmy-YeS, she was to home but she says
she's got a previous invite TO the straw ride
from Mr.. C&senOve. n she wants to know t
you hadn't lest aS lieves come round an wind
yarn with Aunt Abigail. She says she gets ter
rible lonesome when she's away.-Tid Bits.
ALI Is over between us. Mr.. Sampson" she
said, coldly. The presents you have given me
will be returned tomorrow
He stood there proudly, but his face was
ashen.
Everything shall be returned" she went on,
with queenly sweep Of her rounded arm, with
the exception, OF course, of the caramels and
ice cream
And thus they parted. Ne,o York sun.
We were driving out one Sunday from Deca-
tur when we came upon negro with club in
his hand and freshly killed possum on his
shoulder. We stopped to examine his prize,
and the Colonel said
MY friend do you know it is SundayG'
"Sartin, boss"
Are you not a religious man."
81 ar. lie jist on my way home from
church"
And what sort of religion have you got that
permits you TO go hunting on Sunday"
"Religun, Religunm queried the man as he
| held the postum up with one hand and
scratched his head with he other. Does you
| specks any black man in Alabama is gwiue to
| tie hiSself up to any religun dat lows a pos
| sum to walk ri cht across the road ahead Of him
| an git away free? No, sab. A religun which
| won't bend little when a fat 'possum heads
| you off couldn't be Established round yere by all
| de preachers in de unyvarseN Detroit Free
| Press.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12
HON. c. H JONES ON THE TARIFF.
He Makes Reply to Sherman's Speech
in Very Sane Interview.

From, tie NeW York World.
DETROIT, MIca, Jan. s.-Ex-Senator Jones,
who is still of Detroit, has had himself inter
viewed by carefully writing out an elaborate re
view of Senator Shermans protection speech
and getting it printed in one Of the morning
papers. lie says the only reason he can find
for the weakness of Senator sherman argl-
ment lies in the dfficu ty of opposing error TO
truths and vicious public policy against the
painest principles of right and justice
senator Jones adds
The people are 10 be congratulated that they
have President who in the face of great temp
tation to abuse his putlc trust has stood firm in
unfolding the principles of economy in dispens-
ing the money Of the taxpayers. suppose the
protected manufacturers in 1880 had received
per cent profit instead of 36 or 81 per cent-as
they did-they then would have received Si61,-
1926 as profits on their capital, and the POO
pie who were compelled to buy their fabrics
would have saved TO themselves and their FAM
lies IN one year the enormous sum OF $500 $50 45l
out of this sum the people of the United States
could have paid all the State, County, Territorial
and municipal taxes levied in the year 1890 and
still have in bank the fair sum of S]55.lS4, t9l.
Now let us see the amount Of wages paid by
these great monopolies in 1880. According to
the census of that year the total sums, including
the salaries of officers and clerks. was o94 ,9o3
795. Ono per cent. return on the capital invested
the manufacturers could have paid their EN-
ployes 1914 per cent beyond the wages paid
that year, 1890 and on 10 per cent. return on
their capital they could have paid II 81 per cent.
increase of wages to their laborers."
Senator Jones concludes his review as follows:
IF any one desires to know the condition of
wage workers in the manufacturing States of
Pennsylvania and Massachusetts let him read
the testimony before the Senate Committee on
Education and Labor, and he will see something
of the practical workings of the tariff system in
descriptions of human misery and wretchedness
not surpassed in any of the manufacturing dis
tricts in Europe where there is no government
protection given TO any one"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12

From The Boston Advertiser

From he Boston advertiser.
Did you ever hear the story of Whittier and
the cabbaEe?" asked an old friend yesterday;
sit may have been told before, but it is worth
repeating now He hates the odor of cabbage.
like most sensible men, and has a cordial horror
of the right smell in the wrong place as Henry
James calls the fragrance of a dinner in the
hallway. One day, however cabbage was
cooked at Oak Knoll, and most of it was left
over. In Difference to her cousins olfactories
the mistress of the house directed her cook TO
put the cold cabbage on the top shelf in the
pantry until the next day
I'm the course of the afterno N Mr.. Whittier
was seen digging in the garden. A member of
the family asked HIM what he was going TO do.
but he put her Off with a merry twinkle in is
eyes. When. In the course of household events
the cook sought the cabbage, il was gone Mr.
Whittier had traced it to its eyre; he had
climbed up and had borne it away in triumph
and In defiance of domestic economy had
was told to me" said his friend Call il How
the Poet Planted Cabbage lboiled)'"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12
Why He Needed Prayer.
Efon "a Arknnsam Tl.nreIer.


The congregation of a church at Elk Rock was
much shocked upon learning that their preacher
had departed under most discreditabe circum-
stances. On the following Sunday it seemed to
be the aim of nearly every one to hush up the
scandal, and, under great restraint, many uuin-
teresting conversations were held merely to
prove that tie members of the church could
arise above sensational gossip. just before the
services were closed Brother Elijah ?. Brookrod
arose and said:
Brethren and sisters, since We last met in
this house. something which seems to have cast
a gloom over this congregation has occurred.
We were all much attached to our miniSt r. In
fact we loved him. and now propose that we
offer up a prayer for the wanderer."
A sensational wave swept over the audience.
Another brother arose, and, turning to Elijah
p BrO0krod, said
Il am astonished that you should desire this
congregation to pray for our erring minister
you above all others"
Why
Because he ran away with YOUR wife"
Eyes, ] know Elijah replied, land that is
the reason why | think he will need our pray
-
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12
The Sudden-Death Club.
Ei,om the PhiIndelnhin p,c.a

Club life in this town is growing so broad that
it is embracing nearly every purpose scheme
and caprice Of man. The newest organized can
didate for public favor has the gruesome title
Of The Sudden-Death Club. It is open only
to those who are afflicted with heart disease or
some other disorder that is likely to end life
without much warning The club, of course.
has no constitution. One of its bylaws, how.
ever, torbids any member to carry upon his per
son letters or papers that can COMPROMISE the
peace or happiness of others. Another requires
him always to carry about with him papers CON
tanning his address and directions as to the dis
position OF his body The club will have a din
ner every year The first will take place shortly,
and II all the present membership should be on
hand ON that occasion there viii be just thirteen
at table.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12
Mr.. Crisp's Bureau,

Congressman Crisp wants bureau Of
adulteration established in the Treasury
Department that shall have authority to
SEQ that neither food nor drugs is adulter-
ated. In order to accomplish the object
aimed at the bureau would have to be nearly
as big as the department. 1t would require
more men and money to detect and prevent
the many authorizations Of food and drugs
than it does to collect the internal revenue.
Mr.. Crisp's purpose is a good one. There
is no doubt that thousands of people are
killed annually by authorizations which they
take into their systems, but it is question
whether it is possible to accomplish the re-
form which he suggests by the means which
he proposes.
There is a law against selling oleomar-
garine for butter, but it doesn't afford a
great deal Of protection to the people In
few of the larger cities perhaps oleomar-
garine is sold for just what it is but in the
great majority of towns who knows that it
is not sold for butterl In this State there
is law relating to oleomargarine which
requires its character to be plainly marked
upon it, and hotels and restaurants are pro-
bibited from using it unless they notify
their guests of the fact How many people
in Georgia pay any attention to the law If
Mr. Crisp's bill were to pass an army of
detectives and special officers would have to
be employed to make it effective
Instead of creating new bureau it would
be better to enact a law Furnishing every
person by Imprisonment in the penitentiary
who adulterates, for the sole purpose of
gain, drug or an article Of food, and also
every person who knowingly sells such
adulterated articles
There are altogether too many bureaus at
Washington. Several new ones are sug-
gested every year. 1t is about time to call
a halt in the bureau business If many
more bureaus are created it will be impossi-
BILE to keep track of all of them, and, be-
sides, the number of office holders is now
! altogether too large.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12
The Mexican Mission.

The President will not fill the Mexican
mission without consulting Mr.. Bayard,
who, il is quite evident, doesn't intend to be
i'll a hurry to recommend any one. There
have been two Ministers to Mexico since the
present administration came into power
The first one and the Secretary of State did
not wholly agree about some important
matters, and the second one was not entirely
satisfactory, either to the President or the
Secretary. il ali accounts are to be credited.
Gen. Bragg, of Wisconsin, is being urged
for the place He is a man Of ability,
but he is afflicted with an unfortunate
temper The Secretary, therefore, doesn't
think he is fit man to represent this coun-
try in Mexico, and the chances are that he
is right. II Gen. Bragg wants an office he
ought to be given one, if one can be found,
other than the Mexican Mission, that will
suit him, but he ought not to be sent to
Mexico simply because he wants to go
there Doubtless Gen. Bragg thinks he
could do great things for this country in
Mexico, but unfortunately there are very
few people who know their own failings.
Such care ought to be taken in selecting a
Minister to Mexico that there would not be
vacancy i'll the mission again soon. 1t re-
quires time for new men TO become &C
quainted with their duties, and in tho mean
time important interests suffer
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12
Snakespeare's Kisses.
From the WASHINGTON star.

Shakespeare has given the world some re.
markable kisses. In Tanning of the Shrew'
Pctruchio takes the bride about the neck and
kisses her lips:
With such a clamorous smack.
That at the parting all the church did echo
In Richard the Third" we are presented with
the following:
Their lips were four red roses on a stalk,
And, in their summer beauty, kissed each other.
Antony and Cleopatra kiss away kingdoms
and provinces
In Winters Tale" we have "kissing with the
inside lip" and in "Cymbeline" reference is
mad to the aversion which fathers have to see
their daughters kissed by an unfavored sutton:
Ere could
Give him that parting kiss which had set
Bctwixt two charming words, comes in nv
father
And. like the tyrannous breathing Of the North.
Shakes all our buds from growing
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12

They usually turn out in some such way.
That is, the ghost stories In one of the
houses of a suburb of Baltimore the &C
cupants were frequently frightened by hear
ing mysterious groans and slamming OF
doors. They thought ghost had taken up
his quarters in the house, and the matter
created a considerable sensation. They
diligently searched for his ghostship, but
failing to find him employed a detective,
who soon discovered that the noises came
from the adjoining house, whose inmates
were having no end Of fun at the expense
of their neighbors. 1t appears that in build
ing the wall between the two houses, the
workman left hole III it, and the family
in SIT transmitted through it the strange
noises that disturbed che peace of mind of
the family in $40.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12
Aim.

Aim for the beautiful and bright,
Aim for the good and true;
Aim as the lark scars in its flight
And flowers reach for the dew.
Aim though thy way be in the night,
Still aim with lifted eye;
Seek for the hidden stars whose light
Shines in the darkest sky.
Aim, though in lowest depths thy way,
Thy path lie through the mire;
Aim yet to reach high up thy way
With hopes that never tire.
So bravely go and upward reach,
And Oft though thou may fall,
Each trial sweeter hope shall teach
If thou but heed the call.
Then take unto thy heart this thought,
Twill be thy leading star,
If faith be thine each trials wrought
With beauty from afar.
'Tis upward to the realms that blest
Then walk with soul of trust:
In skies above 20 seek thy rest
Not low, within the dust.
-MRs LIssIE WHITMAN.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12

Mrs. Eunice CottreH died Monday near
North Stonington. Conn. She was 1l5
years old, but that is not the most remark
able feet connected with her life She was
p great grandchild of King Philip, and at
the time of her death the Oldest descendant
of the Pequot Indians. She never lost her
alertness. Her father was slain in the mas
sacre Of the Pequot Indians by Capt John
Mason and his white settlers, who came
over from Saybrook and set fire to the In
dian wigwams, shooting down the red men
as they rushed forth.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12
INDEX TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.

MrETrNes-Savaunah Mutual Loan Associa-
ton; Zerubbabel Lodge No. IS, F. A NJ; Hilton
Lodge No. ?. T. A. ".
SPECIAL NoTTcEs-As to Bills Against BRUSH
Steamship Kate DR.. Best's Removal.
SOUVENIR ALBUM OF SAvANNAH-Davis Bros.
CHEAP $40 rEs-Lovell & baltimore.
REDucTGoN IN GUNs-Palner Bros.
FIxAvc1N,-C ondition of the Southern Bank of
the State Of Ge,Pr,.
CHEAP CoLuM:t AnvERTGsENENTs Help Want
ed; Employment Wanted; For Rent; For Sale;
Lost: Rattle; VI >c,,.,.uAeLs.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12

One Of the Boston papers says it is an I'M
doubted fact that but for the Butler vote in
1884, Massachusetts would have gone for
Mr. Cleveland against Mr. Blaine. Massa-
chusetts will probably be numbered among
fhe doubtful States this year, and if Glove
land and Blaine are again the candidates,
she will have an opportunity of repudiating
the plumei knight, 1t would he very
sensible thing for her to do.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12

Miss Henrietta Hutsltur, of Wilkesbarre,
=, was married last Saturday to Jim Lee
Dem, Chinaman, and as matter of
course laundryman. She said it wosa case
of love at first sight, and the idea Of saving
washing bills never occurred to her 1t
probably will, though.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12

In the upper portion of New Jersey there
Is said to be a large number of men who
are wife beaters. Popular sentiment is in
favor of giving them thirty lashes on the
bare back. The remedy would no doubt
he effectual. The New Jersey Legislature
viii have an opportunity to consider bill
TO establish a whipping post in that State.
The lash is whit tire wife henters need
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12

The recent application of Gen. Alfred H.
Terry for a four months leave of absence
has served to bring to light the fact that lie
is very sick man, His serious condition
Of health has been known to his immediate
staff for more than year past, but until
short time ago no intimation of it was
given to the public He is said to be afflicted
with Bright's disease and is going to Flori-
da. The assertion is made and denied that
at the expiration of his leave of absence he
will peremptorily demand to be placed on
tho retired list. In the event of his retire
ment new Major General, new Briga-
der, and promotions all down the line viii
be in order. Already army circles are
stirred up over the matter and candidates
Ter pr0psotian ere counted BY the score,
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12
Rentetercd al tte Post Ofloe N Sarann1h.


n-he Nro,xrxa Nrvs is published every day in
IRE wear. and is served 10 suoscribe7 IN TIE Guy
at % cents a week 81 90 n onth' - " lof SIX
Ths NovNTSa NEWS, bU mail, one month,
81 90; three months, 81 80; six months s. %;
one year, $40 On. ,,.o.
The NoRNISa NEws, ~ mai, six times a
- f,.tbout Sunday issueL three months,
A. %: six months. "a % one year, 8 90.
The MoNNINe NEWS Tri-WeeSy, Mo iI,'
WEDNESDAYS and Fridays, or Tuesdays, Thurs
Ssys en5 SATURDAYS three months, 81 -; six
months. Sc 50: one year. s. 90.
The SuNpAY News, by mail, one year. 81 CO.
The WrrKry NEWS, by nal, one year u -
Snbscrrtions payabe in advance. Remit by
roStaI order. check or registered letter Cur
rency sent by mail at risk of senders
This papeg is kept on file and advertising rates
roav he oscerta aimed AZ the Office of the Ameri-
can Newspaper Publishers Association, l04
SeuDle Court, New York City.
Letters and kilograms should be addressed
sb;oRNrNG news, Savannah, ia"
Advertising rates made known on application.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12

Mr. Dickinson was seen by reporter in
the Post Office Department in Washington
the other day, and was congratulated on
being there. No. he said, Il am not here
That is, am not here professionally, theo-
+. tically, officially and constructively; 1
am here only personally, and as matter of
fact" But you soon will be there, MIR.
Dickinsnn in aNarY sense of the term
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12

On Monday forty members of the New
York Cotton Exchange We're asked for their
estimates on the current crop of cotton.
The average estimate was $4,000 bales,
or 800, 900 bales more than the government
bureaus estimate.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12

Number 300 Of the series of childrens
stories published in the Nashville American
has just appeared. This is good point at
which to stop, but No would have been
better point
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12
AS to the Green Postage Stamp.
F.on. the krookIun Enale Denl.l

From The Brooklyn Eagle LDenl)
The suns attack on the green postage stamps
are said TO be the cause of its losing scores Of
Irish subscribers
From the Netr York sun (Dem)
The sicltly green of the 2c. stamp is not the
rich emerald green of the old &c stamp, as the
upholders of the sckly thing pretend. 1t is
different green.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12
An Inaccuracy Stated.

From he PHILADELPHIA Press lRep)
The current story to the effect that Senator
Faulkner, Of West Virginia, when a boy Of 10
years, fell into a den Of bears and slaughtered
four Of the animals with no other weapon than
a single-baTTeled shotgun is slightly inaccurate
II seems his victims were five bears and pan
thor
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12

Gen William T. Sherman is said to have
formed a resolution to dine out only three
times a week this year. This is very moder
ate, to be sure, but even at that rate the
General will see some hideous visitors in his
dreams
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12
The Democrats Too Economical.

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer (Denl.)
Senator sherman complains that the Demo
Gratis are 100 economical. He thinks that if they
had been as prohigate with public money as the
Republicans would have been there would have
been no surplus Senator Sherman is right
about that
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12

Let's have a free chew of tobacco, says
Br. Elaine Let's have a free drink of
whisky, says Senator Brown. Neither
Blaine nor Brown care how much the
people have to pay for the necessaries Of
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12

Mr.. H. Rider Haggard wants $500 night
for lecturiug in this country. He will prob
ably get what he wants America is the
paradise of English lecturers.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12
CURRENT COMMENT.
His Idea of Disgrace.

From The Galveston Neirs (Dem)
Andrew Carnegie says that the man who dies
worth SlOO,OOO dies in disgrace Plenty OF
people stand ready TO help in relieving Andrew
Of the danger.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12

1t would be money N Mr.. Arbuckle's
pocket to marry Bunny without delay,
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12

Are Maj Bacon and Senator Brown going
TO form q combination!
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12

All subscriptions payable in advance, and
no paper will be delivered beyond the time
paid for. Special attention will be given to
Weekly and Monthly subscriptions, and
subscribers can make arrangements, If they
desire, to pay subscriptions at their resi-
dences, or places of business, avoiding the
inconvenience of calling at the Business
Office.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-12

Some weeks ago a movement was said to
have been set on foot in Illinois to run ex-
Secretary Robert T. Lincoln for Governor
of that State. Suspicious politicians
who do not favor Mr. Blaine for President
thought they saw iii it trick to get Mr..
Lincoln out of Mr.. Blaine's way but poti-
clans are always imagining something or
other, and it is probable that Mr.. Blaine's
friends had no more to do with tho move
ment than Mr. Sherman's or Mr. Lincoln's
friends. Mr.. Lincon's law partner now
steps forward however, and says the ex-
Secretary is not q politician, and desires no
political Office. This statement probably
represents Mr.. Lincoln correctly, and re-
fleets credit on his Judgment. He has seen
enough Of political life to find out that there
IS very little Of either money or honor in it,
and that it is full of vexation However,
the Offices will never so a-begging