The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1888-10-04
SAMANTHA DOODLE OBJECTS
Mr.. Ike Doodle Returns from the
Corners" at a Late Hour in
the Afternoon in
State OF "Noxious Disquietude" and Meets
with a Bovine Reception Doodl's Jer-
sey Cows Rally Around Inc
Thurman "Bandanner."
The CORNERS, which is in
the State of Brighton, :
Sept. "a, 1883.

NIX. EDlIER.-l AIN Uululu Uut
poor weak woman, but when | see Ike,
my old man, leanin' over the front
fence fur three hours at time talk
in politics and chewin' terbaccer while
the Canada thistles and teasel weeds are
a-sproutin' under his feet, it just makes
me mad. IF sumthin' amt done for
Ike before long he'll have his head
turned and have to be sent to the crazy
asylum at Oshkosh.
Last spring early he wanted me to
save the butter and egg money so he
could go to the big Democratic conven-
ton at St. Louis Last week he came
home from the Corners with big hand
kerchief pinned on ter his coat and an
awful looking plug hat stuck on ter the
back of his head. He had bottle of
whisky in his coat-tail pocket and
Chicago Daily Neaos in his bootleg.
As soon as he came nigh enough to rec
ognize him | came purity near faintin'
dead away "Isaac," says |, els it pos
sible you are agoing to jine the Demo
Gratis p "You can bet | am" said he,
and then he waved his brand new red
handkerchief over his head and hur-
rahed for Cleveland and Fisk and Thur
man, and don't you believe, Mr.. Editer,
he was so worked up with political ex-
element that he hurrahed for Belva
Lockwood and Jeff Davis
Mr.. Editer, my name is Samantha
Doodle, and when the man [ married
fur better or fur worse hollers fur anoth-
er woman when I'm around, sumthin
is going to happen 1t is bad enough
fur Isaac to 60 and jlne the Democrats
and hurrah for Jeff Davis without in
sultin' me by shoutin' fur some other
woman. Isaac says I, as I threw
coal shovel at him, "you are in a state
of noxious disquietude agin and you had
better 60 and milk the Jerseys before it
is everlastingly too late. "Ike," says /,
as he disappeared in front of the broom
slung at him; "six months ago you
was good Republican and didn't drink
anything stronger than water and hard
cider; then you jined the Prohibition
party and commenced to guzzle mint
julep. and now, says I, "you are Dem
ocrat and nuthin' but raw whisky is
mean enough fur you You are agon'
down hill fast, Isaac, and rather than
see you disgrace the Doodle family |
would prefer to see you drown yourself
in the Dutch Gap Canal" Then I
threw the cat in ter the wood box and
kicked the dog out doors
Purity soon heerd sumbody shout
in and [ went outside to see who it was
and see Ike out in the middle Of the
barn-yard a standin on milk stool
rehearsin' Democratic speech which
he was preparin' to deliver down at
the Corners. All the Jersey COWS in
the yard was standin' around Ike with
their heads down and tails arisin', and
right behind him was two yer-old Dur
ham bull PAWN up the ground and
belleriD to beat all creation "Hurrah
for Cleveland and Fisk" shouted Ike,
as he waved the Thurman bandanner
around his Cleveland plug hat. "Hur-
rah," says I, but I wasn't hurrahin'
for the same things Ike was, fur just
then the Durham bull made dive at
Ike and histed him over his back inter-
the waterin' trough, and then all the
jersey COWS in the barn yard of Ike
Doodle, ESQ.,, held convention around
the red bandanner. Every Jersey on
the farm wore the Cleveland plug hat
on her horns and the Durham bull
paved over the sacred emblem of Dem
ocracy until it looked like a balmoral
skirt struck by lightnin'.
"The mills of the gods are grindin'
awful FAST" says [, as hauled Ike out
of the waterln' trough by the seat of his
pantaloons-
"D--n the Mills Bill" yelled Ike,
who had his ears so full of water that
he didn't ketch the full force of my re-
mark.
"Isaac," says I, lyou are gettin'
distributive justice"
81 know it, Samantha. IF l had
waved the Thurman bandanner agin I
would have been distributed all over the
barn-yard."
'Isaac," says I, "six months ago you
left the Republican party because you
had become too pure and too lovely and
too like an angel to live with 'em. A
Prohibition preacher down at the Cor
ners shouted fur you to come out and
you went, Isaac; yes, you went out Of
yer head and jined the Prohibitionists.
The Prohibition party puts plank in
ter their platform providin' fur vim
Minis rights; then you kicked like a
Jersey steer and went over ter the Dem
ocrats, and now yer own COWS don't
recognize yer"
"Samantha Jemima," says Ike,
"don't yer know | am in the political
swim; that am runnin' fur Office and
have been out conciliatin' the Repub-
licon Muowumps. Thew saw thew are a