Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1888-12-04
EVENING TWINKLES.

Rich pen-work-A thousand hogs in the Chi
cago stock-yards.
When man doubles his fists you can hardly
say he has four hands.
The oldest and most inveterate smoker in
history is Vesuvius.
The phonograph, if successful, will rival
woman in talking back.
Corners in the stock market may be sharp
but they are never square.
Forged notes and bogus checks may be
classed as guilt-edged paper.
There is no place like home"-after all
the other places are shut up.
The prevailing style of trousers is to have
them all wool and yard wide.
A bonnet may be as light as feather, while
the bill for it will weigh a ton.
When men cannot agree in beer saloon they
may be said to be at lagerheads.
Hip-pockets, prohibition size, are a regular
measurement for trousers in Iowa.
Any man can be happy, though married. if he
will only let his wife do all the talking.
It's a bad sign when a laborer will persist in
only looking for work at the corner saloon.
The tights of the ballet girl are not half SO
expensive as those Of the periodical drunkard
The librarian of Congress ought to be very
good man for he is always turning over a new
leaf.
1t is said that the junior Michigan Senator
will soon Palmer novel on an unsuspecting
public.
Upholsterers do not believe in free wool be-
cause they are constantly putting tacks on
carpets.
Having detected man in q falsehood, one
can truthfully say he has no doubt as to his
veracity.
A railroad trust seems to be all right, for
at present there are very few railroads that
one can trust.
When a man marries his pretty typewriter
he might as well give up the idea of ever die
tating any more.
Owing to the frequency Of the raids Of the
road agents out west travellers are often afflicted
with stage fright.
Senator Sherman as Secretary Of State is such
an alliterative phrase as to contain double the
S-ence Of greatness.
Talk may be cheap, but if one figures up the
cost of session of Congress he will reach a
different conclusion.
He could hardly be called a conjurer, though
the young man who sat down on mince pie at
. church fair made it squash.
A drunken man may try to open his front
door with q tootpick, but he is not apt to try
to pick his teeth with his door key.
In England there are 347 women who make
living by shoeing horses. Hens are the only
things shooed in this country by women.
The recent visit of Messrs. Butterworth and
Hanna to Gen. Harrison has given fresh inter-
est to the old query OF What's the matter with
HANNAH
Some Of the ball players threaten that if
their salaries are cut down they will strike
That's just what they ought to do, and hit the
ball, too.
The Bible has to be printed in twenty-nin
different languages to supply the people living
IN pennsylvania, and yet only one tongue did
Vim. Penn.
Again are the telegraph wires loaded down
with the chin-chin OF lot OF back-number
pugilists, who never think seriously OF fighting
each other.
1.-THE bald-headed man is always pushing
and energetic" said Jones. Eyes," said Brown,
I've noticed he was well at the front when
the ballet was on"
to practice ON weather for Inauguration day
Gen. Greedy ought to be able to give good
article by the time the day arrives.
MANY people find difficulty in sleeping"
said Jones, "but have no trouble" What
is the best way to sleep according to your idea p
asked Brown. why, usually lie down."
The latest title acquired by his German
| majesty is that of president of the union of
German carrier pigeon societies, which he has
Just accepted. Next it will be said that William
| il whistling White Wings"
| A cobbler at Petersburg, Va, whites out his
| own shoe-pegs, makes his own last, melts his
own wax, pulls his bristles out of his own hogs,
and makes o uniform charge of twenty five
cents for job, no matter whether it is a new
sole or only patch.
| The largest professional fee for limited serv-
| ice is said to have been paid to Surgeon-Major
ing the nawab of Rompoor for three months
| suffering from rheumatic fever. The nawab
gave him Q lac of rupees. $4,000. He GER
tainly could not accuse the nawab Of q lack of
| appreciation of his services.