Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1888-06-27
The ROwsers. Day Shopping.

The BOwsers' Day Shopping.
I had mentioned in casual way that we
needed some dishes, new carpet, and some
table linen. and that mnst 60 down poWn
and buy them, when MIR. BroWser came
home at 2 O'Clock one afternoon and said:
swell, are you all ready?"
"For What?" :,
ssWhy, to go down and buy those things. "
sfBut didn't know you wanted to go.
Indeed, wish you wouldn't"
'sOh, you do! Are you ashamed to be
seen with me on the street,"
''You know Pm not. I'm afraid you
you"
'Well, what?' ;,
"You'll Jaw folks and get into quarrel. ="
s'Mrs. Bowser, are you getting soft in the
head? Jaw folksl Get into quarrel!
Humph! Are you coming?"
We first visited the carpet store. had
not vet made up my mind whether to buy
Brussels or velvet, nor whether to get
lipht or dark colors. | expected to take
chair and have the clerk roll down about
fifty pieces Of each kind, and to be all OF
two hours making up my mind. One clerk
ran to place chairs for us. A second ar
ranged the window curtains, and third
inquired of Mr.. Bowser:
s.Did you wish to look at some carpets?..
stDid / come up here to buy oysters?''
demanded Mr.. Bowser.
'tAh-um. Light or dark colors?"
"Light."
s'But The dark are all the style you
know"
81 don't know anything of the sort /!
There are plenty of white horses and
houses, and white shirts and hats; and
don't know why light carpets shouldn't be
fashionable. Roll down this piece"
eyes, air; but you won't like tt. This
dark pattern is what Mrs. Gov. Smith Sc
Iected for her front bedroom"
Eyes. Well, may get that for my
horse barn later on. Send up man to
measure the room, and give me that light
pattern"
sfWhy, Mr.. Bowser," 1 said, ''you
haven't selected already?"
Certainly"
ssBut We-we-"
give minutes is enough for any one to
select carpet, Mrs. Bowser. We want
body Brussels, and we want light ground.
That's all there is to it. We will now 60
over and buy the table linen"
eBut can't have time to look around?
ssTime! What do you want of time? You
want three linen table cloths and two dozen
napkins. We've got the money to pay for
'em. What more is desired?"
'tBut it's so sudden"
$50 are earthquakes. Well go in here. d
We entered dry goods store and sal
down to linen counter A young man
came forward to wait on US, and after being
told what was wanted, he queried:
$50 you want some real linen. Well,
here is something l can recommend"
SIS that all linen?"
s'Yes, sir.''
sIs it?'' asked Mr.. Bowser as he turned
to me.
didn't think it was, but | told Mr.. Bow
ser to let it go. 1t was the custom in all dry
goods stores to lie about such things anC
no one thought of raising row.
MADAM" said Mr.. Bowser, as he took
the clcth over to motherly old lady, sci
this all linen?'
eNo, sir; it's half cottonl" she replied
after an inspection.
"Where's the proprietor of this store?'
he demanded of the clerk.
sI-I'll call him, SIR"
The proprietor came up.
sis that linen?" asked Mr.. Bowser.
at passes for linen, SIR
eff YOU put cows horns and tail on
horse he'd pass for COW, wouldn' he? Sir
this looks to me like petty swindle, ant
one you ought to be ashamed of.
The proprietor began to blow up tn
clerk, and the clerk said he'd resign, and a
we got out doors penned Mr.. Bowser in
doorstep and said:
f'Pll never dare to enter this stor
again ?'
'Don't want you to. The man is a liar
and the clerk lied by his instructions. Wei
try another"
The next store was crowded, and as W
reached the linen counter it was to dr.
- .sn1 r 4,io 70 ut N,
BoWser out anticipating trouble, but unfoI
tunately at that moment one lady observe
to another:
ssDear me, but this Is the third afternoo
I've come down town to buy tablecloth
and / haven't got suited yet"
"And I want four crash towels, and Nv
been all over town twice" replied the other
sHere, you'll Snapped Mr.. Bowser to tn
clerk, "are you busy?"
sWaiting on these ladies, sir"
''Have they bought anything
"No, sir"
''Are they going top
"I-I don't know"
swell, I've no time to fool away. w
want three linen table-cloths and two doze!
napkins"
The ladies arose in great Indignation
Each of them gave me a look that pierced
me to the heart, and each one gave Mi
Bowser look which ought to have short
ened him two feet, but which had no appar
ent effect. In seven minutes we lad fOun'
what we wanted, paid the bill, and wer
ready to 60. The clerk acted bit sulky
and Mr.. Bowser was getting ready to Civ
him blast, when 1 appealed to him to hol
his peace. told him it was the custor
for several thousand ladies to come dow,
town every afternoon to shop, and tina
shopping consisted of promenadipg up ant
down to show their suits off to lot of we
dressed loafers, entering the stores an
talking an honr and a half to buy SIX
pence worth of lace or ribbon. The cler
melted a little at the same mement, and
got Mr.. BoWrer out without another erup
ton.
tNow for the Dishes, - he said as we go
out. and we went to crockery store.
My heart sank as l saw the place Grove
ed with ladies. We halted beside one VIII
was saying to clerk:
'tAnd SO that toothpick holder is 81
cents?"
''Only six, madam
Chow very cute?
''Yes, it is"
''And it is i'm ported?'
''It is"
elbow very, very charming! This is tn
same one saw yesterday, is it?"
"Oh, certainly"
"Dear me, but 1 wish 1 could make u
my mind whether to take it or not. 70,
see, we may move in the spring, and if w
moved you know"
Il want about SIS worth Of dishes,
inter rupted Mr.. Bowser."
eyes, air, in just moment"
GLOW many of those toothpick holders
have you got?''
''Only FIVE"
'G'll take the lot; and now come and wal
on me. want twelve cups and saucers
twenty -four plates, three or four platters
three tureens and a fish platter"
The lady turned about and killed m
dead with one long look, Then she loolzer
at the back of Mr.. Bowser's neck and trie
to murder him, but he would not fall
Then she returned and killed me over again
gave her shoulder twist and walked Gu