The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1888-06-16
Irish Wit.
41lSu Wit'
From Chambers journal

From Chambers Journal
Our courts of law have furnished u
; at various times with very witty ant
amusing remarks, lawyers and prisoners
alike have been guilty on this score
Doubtless every one has heard of TIL
Irishman who, in reply to the question
'tGuilty or not guilty 20 said The would
like to hear the evidence before ht
would Plead
Curran, the Irish advocate. was one
day examining witness. and, failing
to get direct answer, said: There is
no use in asking you questions, for ]
see the villain in your face" do you,
sir 2" said the man, with a smile.
s'Fa1x, I never knew before that my
face was looking glass;" On another
occasion he was out walking with a
friend who was extremely punctillious
in his conversation. The latter, hear
! ing person near him say curiosity for
curiosity, exclaimed: GLOW that man
murders the language!'' "Not so bad
as that,' replied Curran; she has only
knocked an out"
AN Irish recruit about to be inspected
by Frederick the Great was told that ne
would be asked these question: How
old are you? How long have you been
in the service? Are you content with
your pay and rations? He prepared
his answers accordingly. 1t so hap
however, that the King began with the
second question, GLOW long have you
been in the service ?" Paddy glibly re-
piled, "Twenty years. Why" said
tile King, chow old are your" six
months" answered Paddy. six
MONTHS exclaimed the King; ''surely
either you or 1 must be mad ''Yes,
both, your Majesty a confession
scarcely anticipated by the royal OK
aminer.
A good story is told Of q General and
his wife, resident in Ireland, who were
constantly pestered by a beggar woman
to whom they had been very generous.
One morning at the accustomed hour,
when the lady was getting into her car
riage, the cid woman began: "Agh!
my lady, success to yer ladyship, and
success to yer honor's honor, this morn
ing, of all the days in the year, for sure
didn't drame last night that her lady
ship gave NE pound OF tay, and yer
honor gave nue. pound OF tobacco"
'But, my good woman said the Gen
eral, "do you not know that dreams al
ways go by the rule OF contrary 7"
ssDo they so, phase yer honor 7" re-
piled the Old woman. ''Then it must
be yer honor that will give me the tay
and her ladyship that will give NE the
tobacco"
An American and all lrishman were
once riding together, and, on coming
across an old gallows by the wayside,
Jonathan though he would have g quiet
laugh at Paddy's expense. ''You see
that, calculate" said he, pointing to
the gallows. Now, where would You
be if the gallows had its due?" Paddy
replied: Riding alone"
Another Irishman was observed writ
ing a letter in very large hand, and
when questioned as to why he employed
sucr large characters, replied: "Arrah
dear, isn't it to my poor old mother I'm
writing. An she is so very deaf that
I'nl writing her a loud letter."
Come down this instant! u said the
boatswain to d mischievous son OF Erin
who had been idlinG i'll the round top.
ssCome down, say, and I'll give you a
good dozen!'' ''Troth, sir, and I
wouldn't come down if you'd give me
two dozen.'' Another seafaring Irish
man was engaged hauling a rope into
a. small boat, when the Captain Of the
ship, who was on the poop, ordered him
to t.bear a hand" The Captain then
took turn on deck. but on his return
Barney was still working hard at the
line. "Whv, haven't you reached the
end yet % cried the Captain. ono.
indeed. master; and, by my soul, l've
been looking for the end till am be-
ginning to think it has got none. [ do
believe, sir, somebody has cut it off,"
Foote, on his return from a visit to
ireland, was asked if he had seen Cork.
|"No," he replied; but when was in
Dublin saw a great many drawings of
it," Pope, Notwithstanding his dim
inutiye and misshappen figure. is said
to have been not little susceptible OF
even personal vanity. One day he
asked Swift what people thought of him
in Ireland. Why" said Swift, ''theY
think that you are a very little man.
but very great poet" Pope instantly
retorted: 'sAnd in England they think
of you exactly the reverse"
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