West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1888-03-22
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


A gang of desperodoes is a preying
band
Dispensers of charity are permitted to
carry aims.
That would be weak enterprise which
could not stand a loan.
The spook of the Haunted Tavern~
must have bee an inn spccter.
1t was the lady you thought she was
going TO swoon who had faint sus.
picion.
A Paris paper says 'Ghc people OF st.
Louis, ID. T., are dying of disease called
the billiards."
While some ladies desire only the
iuyest novelties in ribbons, there are
others Who prefer tho c of a moire
antique pattern.
The Iranscrip, speaks of the turtle as
taking a leading part at dinners" We
thought he generally appeared as a supc.
-Bost0n Bulletin.
"Ah, yes" said cabinet maker to a
crockery dealer, to whom he was intro.
ced-"ah, yes, you sell tea sets, and
| sell scttees. - or pAic.
A labor writer asks: "What luxury
can the common itch-digger claim as
his own" Dear man, he can take his
pick. -Bia1hamptoa Republican.
English traveller (out what
is the population OF Pistolvlllol" Native
-"Oh, about four hundred in the morn
ing, on an average and twenty to
twenty-five at night. - Graphic.
Fair Critic 81 think that little spot
there pointing Artist (alarmedl-
pardon me, but you must not touch
the picturcr Fair Critic-"Oh. il
doesn't matter; ] have get my gloves
onl"
A serious accident occurred i'm an up.
town house the other night by mis-.
placed switch. Tho owners husband
stepped upon II and ran hairpin into
his foot to the depth of an inch. Norris.
torn Herdd.
AS the actdrop fell Mrs Galatino
fixed her eyes on it and studied it curl.
ously. "lou seem TO be ENJOYING the
drop, remarkc her husband. Il am -
"Well, ! think I'll enjoy one myself"
And he stole softly ont. -TM Blt.
Mistress" Anna Whatever has he.
come OF all your pretty curls" Maid
lyon see, ma'am, the regiment has left
our town, and so / have had TO give n
lock Of my hair 30 several Of my ac.
acqualntances. ~ Ficgeale Blasif =.
Stranger TO boY "Ioy, can you'd.
rect me TO tho nearest bankF7 Boy
VI Kin fer twenty-h cents" Slrnngcr -
''Twenty cents Isn't that hi h paw
Boy-"lcs, sir but its bant q rert0rs
what gifts high pay. w. Neo Iort SIN.
The prairics vast we used TO deem best
we thought twoaid loo bliss 10 live out In
But whom storms knocked us endwnya with
wh.r an II whiz.
We really believe there was moro blizzard
than bliss
Kansas City woman saw Booth md
Barrett Play OtheliO in that civ and
wa7 asked which actor pleased her most.
- Well. ! hardly know, " she said. after
due dcliberation; 81 liked one bout ne
wei as the other They were both lust
as cunnin' as they could be - Gra6hic.
Waiter GO customcD "Ain'td soup
all right, sah" Customer ldubiousivi
"Ic-cs, IT tastes ali right; but ! am
bai Der, and / wish YOU would ask the
chef ii hc doesn't want bottle OF mv
Egyptian TonsOrial Elixir; it prevents
the hair from falling out. " -Pht'adelDhia
Gull.
IL is interesting to trace the evolution
OF words aud expressions. Cultured
people sly chow do you do" Tboso
Gbo are less precise say "howdy do<v
In the backwOods Of Tcnnes zoe fley sac
"hOwdyP The noble rcd man Of the
West says "howW While thc cat ON the
fence says "owT
The careless use Of the editorial 1--WE"
frequently gets newspapers into trouble
and the use OF the word eve 10 rcpre
sent the people 0f the whole country Iq
sometimes as fatal at least This is prob
ably the opinion OF tho editor OF tho
Springfield tHin, who recently said !.
" we ate 2, 100, 600 bags OF peanuts last
year. ~ h'chefer Pc t-EyroU
Returned Missionary fAu natives Of
rank have coins suspended from their
noses and eafs. " But with the crude i'm.
struments you say they have j don't see
how they can punch holes through the
coins" The holes are already punched
You see, most OF tho coins come from
America, where they arc collected in
church contribution boxes 80. Nbrqsfa
State Journal
For ten years past" said The now
boarder, my habits have been as rc0u.
lar as cl0ckworK rose on tho stroke
Of six half on hour later I slt down 20
breakfast, 40 seven ] was 30 work dincd
90 twelve; ate supper no six and was in
bed by nino-thirty ate only hearty food
and hadn't a sick day in an that time"
." Lear me, said tho deacon. iu sympa
thetic tones. and what were YOU in
for, And in the awful silence Chat FOL.
lowed you could hear the hash gate ice
teeth. - -Bgrdetfe.