The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1888-02-10
dust away at three.card monta A.

80. iifIfi - -ssit ~ - - -
dust away at three.card monte de.
serves to have dust in his eyes--and
alkali dust at that"
''The dust chokes me-"
"All right: any man who will buck
at monte deserves to be choked.
Keep the road, sir-the middle OF the
road-close up to the wagon. Doyou
think you will ever buck at monte
again. Armstrong;"
And so the poor culprit, self.arrest-
ed. elf-condemned. coughed and sneez.
ed and choked and walked and talk.
ed. mile after mile, hour after hour.
while the great wagon groaned and
creaked. the driver bawled and swung
his whip. the patient oxen gave their
shoulders to the yoke. and the golden
sun OF September sunk YEARLY to.
wards the west. The shadows of
evening were beginning to fall when
the wagon halted at the place called
Packers Roost, on the Yuba.
"Here We rest" sighed Armstrong,
just above his breath, as he looked at
the stream. NO youdon't" answered
the head OF the firm. "You buck your
money away at monte and talk
about rest. Now, Armstrong, 20
right down the bank. sir, into the
river" As the command was per.
emptory and q spirit OF obedience
seemed the safest, Armstrong obeyed
without par!ey and down he went,
over his head and ears, store clothes
aud all, into the cold mountain
stream. 1t was q long time that he
remained in the water and under the
water. He would come to the surface
every little while to talk, you UNDER
stand. 1t was impossible for Arm.
strong to forbear talking. ooh. yes,"
he would say as he came pand snuff.
ed the water from his nose, "you'll
buck your money at three.card
monte, will you? How do YOU like
the water cure?" His words were, OF
course, duly punctnated by irregular
plunges and catchngs of the breath.
1t so happened that the man who
kept the shantN hotel at The Packers
Roost had q %oman for wife. She,
being % kind.hearted creature, be.
sought her lord to 60 down and "help
he poor crazy man out of the wa
ter"
"Pshaw," SAID the OK driver, che
amt n crazy man; he's q fool. He
walked behind my wagon and talked
to himself all the way from Scrabble.
town."
Thereupon arose q lengthy discus.
sion about the difference between a
crazy man and fool. But after
awhile the landlord and the OK driver
went down to the bank and agreed to
go Armstrong; security against buck
ing at monte i'll the future if he would
come out OF the water. So lie come
out and went up to the house.
"Will you have cup OF ten or
Coffee" said the woman, kindly.
Yes, madam. SAID Armstrong
II will take both"
ale is crazy, sure us can be-" said
the woman. But sine brought the
two cups as ordered. "NIilk and
sugar." she inquired, kindly as be-
fore.
mo, madam, mustard and pepper"
answered Armstrong.
81 do believe he is n fool" said the
woman, as she went for the pepper
and mustard.
Armstrong, with deliberate GOODNESS.
put a spoonful OF red pepper into the
tea and a spoonful OF mustard into
the coffee. Then he poured the two
together into tin cup. Then the
old conflict ragged again, and high
above the din OF rattling tin cups and
pewter spoons, sounded the stern
command: Armstrong, drink 1t, sir
drink it down" A momentary hesita-
ton and a few desperate gulps and it
was down. ooh. yes" said our hero,
as his throat burned and the tears
ran down his eyes, 'you buck your
money away at three-card monte, do
you?"
Now, the Thompsonian dose. above
described. very nearly ended the bat
Tie with poor Armstrong. He was ST.
lent for quite time, and everybody
else was silent. After while the
landlord ventured to sue-
gest that a bed could be
provided if it was desired. "No,"
said Armstrong, "I'll sleep on the
floor. You see, stranger" said he,
cycling the landlord with a peculiar
expression, "this fool has been squan.
derins gold dust at monte-threec card
monte-and does not deserve to sleep
in a bed"
So Armstrong ended the days hat.
tie by tolng to bed on the floor. Then
came the dreams. He first dreamed
that he was sleeping on the North
Pole and his head in the tropics,
while all the miners in Yuba were
ground-sluicins in his stomach. Next,
he dreamed chat he had swallowed
Mount Shasta tor supper, and that
the old mountain had suddenly be.
come an active volcano and was vom.
iting acres and acres OF hot lava.
Then the scenes shifted, and he
seemed to have found his final abode
in place of vile smells and fierce
flames. politely called the antipodes
OF heaven. And while he writhed and
groaned in sleepless agony a fork.tail
tiend, with his thumb at his nose, was
saying to him in knocking voice:
"iou buck your money away at
three-card monte, do you hey?" But
even this troubled sleep had an end
at last. and Armstrong arose. When
he looked at himself in the broken
looking glass that hung on the wall
AS luouShO ul5 lttCo UOT0 LFdC6S Oh
wisdom that he never saw there be.
fore. So he said, II think you have
learned a lesson, Armstrong. You
can go back to your mining now, sir,
and leave monte Alone"
Time showed that he was right.
His lesson was well learned. The
miners looked little curious when he
reappeared at the camp. and still
called him crazy. But he had learned
q lesson many of them had never
learned, poor fellows. They contin-
ued their old ways, making money
fast and spending it foolishly-even
giving it to monte dealers. But the
Armstrong firm WAS never broken in
that way but once. After that,
whenever he saw one of the peculiar
signs Robbers Roost," "Fleecers'
Dem" or "Fools' Last Chance"
Armstrong would shake his head
with knowing air and say to him.
self as he passed along, "Oh, yes,
Armstrong, you've been there; you
know all about that; you don't buck
your money away at three. card
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