The Warner sun. (Warner, Brown Co., Dakota [S.D.]) 1885-1???, 1888-02-17
rHE fREouEMT oALENnAR.
What It Is Good Tor aad Why Its Uat
should BE E~neearaEed.

what II Is Good Tor and Why It's Uao
should BE EnoouraEed.
At the beginning Of the glad New
Year it is cheering to know that there
is nothing sure but death, taxos REd
calendars.
1t is now estimated that each man,
woman and child is entitled, on an
average, to twenty-seVen calendars,
assorted, as soon as the first of January
SHOWS up or
These tokens of friendly interest arc
issued with the best of intentions, and
serve many useful purposes.
Among other things, they r tho
rag-man's hope, the printers JOY, tho
dudes pectoral protector, the widows
kindlings and the scrap-book's wealth.
They also serve to conceal grease spots
aud stoye-pipe holes on the walls g
the laborer's humble cot.
The calendar is indeed q blessing
and a help in many ways other Than
those which / have enumerated; but
the public mind has conceived some
erroneous ideas concerning it which
should 10 corrected.
In the first place, The nav leaf
which is turned over every January
LIST, is not the calendar leaf, A careful
memnrizing of this fact viii save many
idiscouraging and painful mistakes.
: The calendar comes to u yearning
hearts as q successor to the patent
medicine almanac and household
guide, and supplants it in the waste
baskets and rat-holes Of numerous in
fuential establishments; its destruc-
tive effect, however. upon rodents is
not so marked, on account of the alb
sence of prehistoric puns, cooking re.
ccipts in which the eggs are petrified
with age and horror. and othe I dys-
peptic features.
Contemplated from this standpoint,
the calendar seems to have something
lacking in its general utility features,
and will probably never be more than
a close second to the annual prospect
uses of "Gripo's Golden Glory
Globules," DIR. Purge's Pleasant
P~aralyzer." and '.Aunt Huldah's
Hustler of Hereditary Humors.'
Too great a trust in the frequent
calendar can not, therefore, be adj
vised; in fact, there are hidden
dangers connected with it for the too
c~oniding.
Ionce knew of a man who received
3 large number OF these tokens OF
benevolence on the first day of the
glad New Year. and among them were
eighteen from fire, and twelve from
life insurance companies. Feeling,
naturally, under obligations to the
senders, he resolved to insure himself
and his heirs against loss, forthwith;
but, in the fearful struggle with the
tables of statistics printed upon the
backs Of these thirty beneicient ema-
nations, his reason was %dethroned,
and he went and joined the knights
of the Golden H~en-coop,n the Grand
Ancient and United Order of Assess
ment Worriers," the Sons Of
Gums and two more organizations,
whose names are too long for the
space of this article.
The initiation ceremonies of these
institutions completed the ruin of
what was once a humane and INNOCENT
man and brother.
/ have also known the sight of a
calendar to start the cold perspiration
on the persons of those who have had
certain dealings with banks, and
whose names have been placed upon
,sundry scraps of guileless and unas-
suming paper. This appears to be a
strong argument against the practice
of leaving calendars exposed to view
in business hours,
Calendars are all right in their
place. They make first-rate fun for
the children, who like to cut them up
and paste them into things; and, as a
mediator between the dripping-pan
and a hot oven bottom, / have seen
calendars hat could not be beaten by
any thing out; while those with de-
tachable leaves furnish very fair shay
ing paper.
hope, on the Whole, that the use
Of calendars will be encouraged
: NIL - .. nj .A