Mountain Home bulletin. (Mountain Home, Idaho) 1888-1889, 1888-10-27
LEARNING TO SWIM.
Tho DlscOurnging Aquatic Experiences q
New York HumOriat.


Tho Dlscournglng Aquatic Experiences u
New York Humorist.
Once upon time. when was young
and full Of unlimited confidence in the
future, made up my mind that would
learn to swim. Every one told me I
ought 10 learn the noble art OF how to
keep your head above water, and be-
came filed with sort OF enthusiastic
longing to go and float on my back,
out into the mystic Fast, where the
crested seas play leap-frOg through the
never-dying years.
Inquired what was the best way to
learn to swim. received l, All differ
ent replies II was just triAe con-
fusing. was not quite sure which
was the best way, so concluded to
begin at the beginning Of the list and
work my way through to victory or q
watery grave.
The first method recommended to mo
was to strip and boldly plunge into the
water where 1t was over my head.
1.-THE natural instinct OF the animal"
said my adviser. ''is to swim. You
HCSa uCtiiluk DuO siiC iiIu ICoOlNOs 0uA
you will find it exceedingly easy.
Jump right in and strike out, and you
will get there"
The more thought about it, the
more this seemed to me to be good
advice. So one day, when was cross
ing the North river on ferry-boat.
just shut my eyes and jumped over
board. struck out boldly; and as my
adviser had predicted, got there. I
got right to the bottom. As soon as
possible ! got back again to the sur
face, and was just about to strike out
boldly once more, when miserable
pirate jammed boat-hook under my
collar. and yanked me out Of the water
with an exceeding great yank.
was arrested and taken to police
court. explained to the police JUS
tice that had jumped overheard 10
earn to swim; but he sent me up, just
the same.
When my term was at an end. I
thought would try the plan OF the
second adviser. This was to practice
the stroke In shallow water until
knew how to use my hands and feet,
and then to venture into water deep
enough to swim.
went down to the river one even
ng where some boys were in SWIM
ming, and said:
''How deep is the water herep"
"Only two feet and a halt" said one
OF the boys, who was padding about.
That suited me, so in l went.
practiced away at the stroke, and was
! doing beautifully, when it occurred to
} me that the sand on the bottom was
scratching my breast. SO said:
"Isnt there any deeper water than
: this around herep"
t Right over there" said a boy point
9 ing. went fright over there" and
: at once disappeared from view. When
Q came to the surface was going to
o swim splendidly; but two boys jumped
: in and towed me ashore. Once more
Q had been rescued.
. Then / tried another plan. This
# was to take lot OF corks and put them
g under my arms, and swim that way
n until had the stroke down fine; then
d to cast away the corks and go it alone
d Well, procured my corks, and start
IS ed out through the surf at Coney
It Island 1t was really very pleasant
k riding the breakers and feeling as II
k one were suspended in the air. When
% beyond the ropes found was swim.
ming beautifully. so | threw of m,
corks and struck out boldly. OF course
the first shock OF throwing away tn,
N corks sent me downward, and it wa
- so deep that | was u long time coming
= = up. When | did come up. was jus
:, " going to swim away in great style
- when man came up in u boat, grab
bed me by the neck, and dragged m
:, in. tried to explain my design +
him; but he intimated that he though
= me crank.
- Aud SO 1t has been. Every time
:. - have tried to learn to swim. some ON
y has come along and rescued me.
:, don't want TO be rescued. l want t
:. y SWIM But they will not let me. The
- always say my dear sir, in tw
- = minutes more you would have beel
. = drowned" So l have given up al
hope of ever learning to swim, and an
!, = going to wade slowly through the res
- :. of sorrowful existence.