The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-03-15
WIT AND HUMOR.

Many men imagine that the WofIu
couldn't get along without them, but
when they die the town in which they
lived experiences a boom.-Ls'scosn
Journal.
Why not let the lawyers settle the
coal difficulty? They know all about
Coke and Blackstone, if the coal deal
ers do know as much about Little-ton.
Boston Globe.
A gentleman may bring himself to
make New York visits in handsome
cab; but the carte de visite is the prop
er sort of wagon to 60 in.-Neao OF-
leans Picayune
Ladies speak of short dresses as
.siust clearing the floor" but really |
the dress that just clears the i1oor Is
the dress with four yards of traii..-Ba'T-
lanqtoi1 Free Press.
Fashionable lady (to elevator boy)-I
Is the elevator quite safe, little boy?
Boy with an eve on bustle) )-4 es'm;
but if it should drop you wouldn't get
hurt-Ne,0 FORK Sun.
Philosophers have noticed that when
a man makes up his mind that he has
got to practice economy, he generally
tries to begin with his wife's expenses.
Journal Of Education.
.sThat. my dear" Young Mr.. Haigh-
cede remarked to his bride. as he
pointed to the majestic form of the
bronze Liberty, that is the famous
statue of Jersey Lightning the World.
Puck
A New Jersey court places the price
of stolen kiss at $1.15. According
to the way in which all things are reg
ulated, the supply must be nearly equal
to the demand in that State.-LotoeH
Citizen.
Young Mr. Sissy (to pretty cousin);
Do YOU know, Maude, that have all
nv hats made to ordere Pretty cousin
They are lovely, Charles. ] lsupposee
the dealers don't carry such small
size in stock.-EpOch.
"An eclipse of the moon at night al
ways seems to be more or less wasted,
George" she said, as she thoughtfully
brushed the powder from his shoulder;
1.-THE sun doesn't happen to do an act
this month, does it?"-Pac6.
The health journals and the doctors
all agree that the hest and most whole
some part of the ordinary New Eng
land country doughnut is the hole.
The larger the hole, they say, the bet
ter the doughnut. t.-Journat OF Educ1-
siOn.
1.-The mills of the gods grind slow
"" Those mills were started before
the world was in such hurry as it is
now, and when it had grinding mo-
nopoly. New and improved machinery
will soon be necessary.-NeW Orleans
Fieayune.
Bible class, studying about Joseph
in prison and his relations to the chief
butler and baker, also interested in
the daily news Teacher-Whom did
Joseph trust to get him out of prison
Indian boy-Ben Butler. r.-Hda,lpto's
School Record.
Gentleman (totramp)-Why do you
ask for only penny, my man? Most
of YOU people want nickels and dimes.
Tramp-Yes. sir; but I'm a new hand
at the business. an want to begin
right; make it dime, though, If you
like.-Neao York SRa
1t has been proved beyond a doubt
that the men of the present age are
larger, stronger and better-looking
than the men of any other generation
since the world began, and now let's
CnuCklG IL Dib anu SOU uOWA ~ Oe'oi7
ness.-Detroit Free Press
Citizen to coal-dealer-Say, l want
a ton of coal Coal-dealer All right.
Shall we send it up right away? Citi'
zen-O, no. Ii its anything like tine
last I'll just call for it on my way
home and carry it up in my overcoa'
pocket Washington Critic.
He was talking to a Kentucky audi.
ence on the subject of the tariff. Said
he, Take whisky, for instance" when
every man i'm the audience arose with
the remark, "Thank you; don't care il
I do and the lecturer had to stand
treat or die.-7eras Sitimgs.
Mr.. Jinks Ito landlady)-What kind
of duck did you say this was. Mrs
DinklyP Landlady-I didn't say.
simply ordered duck from the butch
ers, Mr.. Jinks Struggling with Q
second joint)-I think lie has sent you
decoy duck.-TerGs Sitsngs.
Police Justice-"William Snyde
heeler, you are accused of being a va
grant What do you say about it?'
Prisoner-''It is libel" 'sHow dc
you make that out?" my wife does
the largest washing business in town.
''Sixty days. ."-Lincola, Journal.
"Gilt-edged paper?" said the dealer
certainly, ma'am-we have quite i'll
assortment. o, yes. it's entirely gone
out of fashion for correspondence; but
there's still heavy stock manufact
ured for the amateur poet trade. Show
you all you want, ma'am. PUCK.
1t has been decided in the Supreme
Court of Pennsylvania that a person
may fry onions regardless of the in
convenience the odor Of the cooking
gives to the neighbors. 1t is decisions
like this that make Anarchists out OF
hitherto inoffensive citizens. Pittsburs
Chronicle.
Detroit has the greatest Solomon on
the bench. He has decided that a
dwelling-house is not a dwelling-house
unless some one lives in it. 1t follows
then, that church is only a church
Sundays, and that Judge is an ass
only when he is on the bench. Detroi
Free Press.
1t is stated that the recent spell ot
cold weather caused several dogs in
Beverly, N. j., to go mad. 1t is moi
surprising. 1t has made hundreds OF
men mad, too-especially when they
found their water pipes burst, and the
plaster soaked off the kitchen ceiling
-NorristOa0n Herald.
There are times when a man should
not give up his seat in street-car to
even a lame woman. That time is
when II men are packed like sardine:
on one side of the car and four women
have spread themselves TO take up
every inch of room on the other.-De
troit Free Press.
Nebraska hostess Cat her evening
party)-''You look somewhat distrait,
Mr.. Blizzard. Do you find the party
dull?" Mr.. Blizzard-"O, not at all
Mrs. Cyclone. l am enjoying mysel1
bully, but find myself Il trifle nerv.
ous." ''How SOP" 81 left my shooter
at home. ."-Teras Sy1ings.
Mr.. Gotham (after the performance
of 'tJulius Casar')-"And SO you
were pleased, Miss BreezyP" Miss
Breezy (of Chicago)-''Delighted with
the whole performance, Mr.. Gotham,
and SO much obliged to you. | think
Marc Antony's Grafton over Caesars