The Wahpeton times., 1888-06-21

d. .S ~ Ny7I|
settling in Canada are thoss Who have
neglected to do any settling ovs1is
here. - rs sIs a 4 + Il 'txx \
A Kansas school teacher offered ~
prize to the scholar who would come
to school with the cleanest face. HI
was unable to recognize some OF ht1s
pupils tine next day. s;ss5s s-sSss
she-"sir, what do you mean ~
putting your arm around my waistf
He-"Do you objcct?" "Arthur Cor
don. III give you just FIVE hours to rs-s
move your arm" sS#
In this country hamlet is a place
with one weekly paper, a village is :
place with two, a town is place with
one daily paper, a city is place with
more than one.-Omaha World.
Mother. Ito Bobby. who has just
completed his prayers)-"Why,
Bobby, you forgot to pray for papa"
3obby-"Why, so 1 did. and he
needs it SO much, doesn't he. map
Texas Sift,ngs.
| A servant girl wrote from New York
to her friends i'll her native place, that
she worked in a house called flats, and
that they go from onestory 70 anoth.
er in ventilators, and send their wash.
ing to the foundry.
No matter what our surroundings
in life, there always comes q time
when fond memory reverts to the
palmy days when. piliowei on the
maternal knee. we were in the hands
OF loving and disciplining mother.
A married lady declines to tell q
maiden sister any cf her troubles. say
ing, "Where ignorance is bliss, tits fol.
ly to be wise" "Yes," replied tho sis.
ter, land I've come to the conclusion
that when singleness is bliss tits folly
to be wives"
Ridgway, the father OF Madame
Rush. also a rich Banker. once loosing
his temper with the eminent French.
man, said pettishly to Girard: Friend
Glrard. can buy thee and sell thee"
"Friend Ridgway," replied he to the
wealthy Quaker, II can buy thee-and
Keep thee"
Enraged husband Maria, can en-
dure this existance no longer. am
going to blow my brains out!" Wife
!calmly)-Dcn't attempt it, John.
You have never had any success in
firing at small targets.-Chicago Tri.
bune.
Harold-"I love you. Mabel. Will
you be-er-my sister," Mabel lab.
sently)-''That can never be, Harold.
but will always be wife to YOU"
The engagement is announced.-Har.
ward Lampoon.
"sad affair, this" said Virgins.
looking up from his paper. "a miner
blown to atoms by dynamite; not .
trace OF him lett" "Sad, indeed" re.
turned Bobby; "but his family will
have one consolation at least. They
won't have to pay $1Oofor s15 cot-
fin. Judge.
81 ask nothing from anybody" said
a capitalist to a young man who had
called on him to see if he would not
lend his assistance in q new venture.
"No." WAS the reply, 'I've observed
that. Whenever you see anything
you want you Just 60 ahead and take
it," Merchant Traveller.
cdr. Hammond says that death is
not a necessity" "Does he? Well, I
have just finished settling up Harkin's
estate, you know. and Judging from
the undertaker's bill paid, I'm pre-
pared to agree with him. It's q
luxury"
A Coun tryman, who was stranger
in the city, took All old timepiece to
the matchmaker to have it repaired.
After little the matchmaker gave it
to him with the remark that he wan
ted five dollars. "What was the
matter with it?" asked Rusticus.
"There was hair in it," Was that
all? You ought to have found a hair
mattress in it Tor five dollars"
"Dear me-" said the little Boston
boy, after intellectual suasion had
failed. and they had spanked him for
the first time. "if had had the slight
est suspicion that the resultant sem
sation was so poignant, l should
never have invited the experiment.
Puck.
"Why, john" said his wife, imra-
tently. rs she opened the door and
found him still in bed. "you promised
faithfully last night that you would
get up in time to 20 to church with mel"
Il meant i'll time for evening SERVICE"
explained John, turning over luxuri.
ousiy.-The Epoch.
Three little boys in a down-river
town attend the same school. They
are but four years old and in the
same class. The other day they were
called out by the teacher and asked
to spell a certain word. They all fail
ed. and one OF the littI. fellows looked
up to the teacher and said: Now,
Mr.. NJ, you are in a terrible fix, amt
you?"-Bangor Commercial.