The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1888-11-09
THE HOG.
Some Information About His Pc
culiar Cussedness.
Luke sharp Kindly Admonishes the Econ
omist to Beware of the Hog''-His
Potent Reasons for Taking
this Decided Stand.

The strong point in amateur farming
is its economy. A man on a salary has
to look at things from an economical
standpoint. He reasons this way
that is, he thinks it is reasoning, but it
isn't-a city lot costs good deal of
money and you can do nothing with it
except keep the back yard in disorder
and sod the front lawn nicely and set
an automatic sprinkler on it so that it
will wet every passerby on the side
walk. Now, for the same amount / can
buy a few acres in the suburbs, grow
the vegetables went, keep a COW and a
horse. and instead Il paying five dollars
a month to exercise in the gymnasium
i can work in the garden and gain
health as well as money. Deluded
man! If he only appreciated the solid
comfort man takes in a rented place
that he can leave the moment it doesn't
suit him. he would never yearn to own
n .'bit of land" There is a good deal of
truth in the wit of the old story of the
not so poor as l look. don't O1Cn this
place."
The strong point of the new amateur
farmer being therefore economy, he is
in a fit state of mind to meet his great
est enemy-the hog. OF all the animals
on the amateur farm, | say particularly,
"beware of the hog" do not be per-
suaded by your wife to invest in a hog.
Do not fall a victim to those seductive
articles in the agricultural papers about
the inexpensiveness of keeping hog
and the JOY there viii be in the family
when that animal is killed. But per-
haps am going too far. The papers
are quite right about the JOY that you
will feel when the hog is dead and
strung up by the hind legs With stick
through them. Hog killing is always
a joyous time on the genuine farm, and
on that occasion they have better things
to eat in celebration OF the event than
at any other period of farm life, except
when the neutrality-suspicious. comes
around.
The arguments for keeping a hog are
many, and they are so persuasive that
! will not attempt to combat them.
Eminent scientists have calculated that
a family of five persons can keep hog
in luxury on the leavings that are 9TH
wise wasted. Now the amateur farmer
will not be long in the business before
he has this scientific fact flung at him.
He knows that when he buys horse he
has to calculate on getting hay and oats
and paying bills for shOeing and all
that sort of thing. but here is an animal
that when bought in infancy will grow
up with the country, cost nothing to
feed and bring in handsome profit in
the fail. Therefore it seems criminal
negligence on the part of the amateur
farmer if he does not have hog about
the premises. He usually falls into the
trap and raises a big blotch on his
thumb with the hammer while he builds
a hog-pen that will be an eyesore to the
neighhorhood as long as it stands. l
mean the pen, not the blotch. The
amateur farmer is even worse at anna
teur carpentering than ne is at farming,
which is making a pretty strong state
ment, but one that can prove.
He then buys a young incipient hog
from a neighbor for S1.50. and brings it
home under his arm, squealing like to
raise both the quick and the dead. He
gets his sleeve and wrist torn by its
sharp pigs feet, and at last. with much
relief, filings it over into the pen. The
small animal takes a hasty walk around
the inclosure, and then deliberately goes
through it as if it were made specially
for the purpose of letting pigs ont in
stead of keeping them in.
Before the astonished amateur farmer
has time to draw his breath the pig is
ambling off home quite regardless of
the fact that he has just been bought for
S1.50.
Knowing absolutely nothing of the
peculiar powers of a pig the new owner
thinks he can catch him. This brings
me to one of the peculiarities of the
brute that 1 believe has hitherto es-
capped the notice of other scientific men.
Did you ever pay attention to how a
pig runs? He goes wobblety, wobblety,
wobblety, in a helpless sort of fashion,
uttering an imploring little squeal
every time he jumps, as much as to
say: please don't catch me. And
yet an express train couldn't catch him,
and he knows it well enough, but the
innate contrariness of the beast leads
him to make that show of being easily
caught. The amateur farmer believes
that if he runs little faster he will
have him, but the pig, merely by acct
dent, seemingly, keeps just out of
reach. 1t takes years of this sort of
experience to teach the amateur farmer
that under no circumstances can he
overtake pig.
Why does the pig delight to deceive
humanity in this way, you ask? The
answer Is, because he is hog; that's
why.
As the pig grows in stature you learn
more and more about him. He is per-
tectly Unsuitable in the matter of food