The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1888-07-26
HUMOROUS.

How to cut person-Look daggers
at him.
The fashionable hair cut is q Ia
moved.
When the girl baby appears In
household there is generally family
cry-sis.
Willie, when asking for another plate
Of dessert, remarked that sit would just
fill the Bill"
The man with tho first baby is all
smiles Smiles for himself and his
friends, too.
Daughter-Mamma, what is man-of-
war3 Mamma-Its naval officer, OF
course, you silly child.
1t seems as if the bread and pastry
cook might not inappropriately be
termed dough-mostic.
"How much to peep through your
telescopc2' "Ten cents" ''There's
five. I've only one eye."
When a cat gives an entertainment
from the top of the wall it isn't the cat
we object to, it's the waul.
"Where are you going, my pretty maidp
a 81, eba
"May 60 with you, my pretty maidF
"Yes, stree, if you're not afraid. !"
The Chinese ought to be very good
billiard players, for they are accus-
toned to handling the cue from their
earliest years.
Chicken salad neversets well on some
people. Perhaps it is made of the
wrong kind of chicken. For instance,
roosters are never good settlers.
A New York literary man composes .
good many Of his poems while riding
about the city. He is hack writer
with vengeance.
A boy may groan, and from sickness
moan, from the church or the school to
stay; but there's no pain so deep him
from circus can keep, because he amt
built that way.
Dingley-Oh, I'm just like fused to
be. By the way Peckham, how's your
wifea You used to say you had the
boss girl when you were single. Peck
ham (sadly)-she's still boss
Ethel: Mamma am writing to
Nellie Lee; shall say anything for youi
Mamma: Writing to that contemplate
person againa Yes, give her my love.
How l detest that girl, to be sure.
A pretty good toast.-''May you bo
hung, drawn and quartered Hung
high above the reach of adversely {;
drawn in carriage Of your own and
quartered in the arms of those you
love-"
"Women cannot be satirical," says a
writer, ''any moro than they can be
humorous" Sol How is it when .
man, after counting girl for seven
years, proposes, she says, "Oh! George,
this is suddenp
Physician Ito living skeleton in q
New York museum: You seem to be
threatened with fatty degeneration Of
tho heart. Skeleton: I presume SO, as
lam engaged to the fat woman over
there who weighs GA pounds.
"What trials you must have" said the
lady, contemplating famished tramp
devouring the generous repast she had
placed before him. "Yesm, and the
wust of it is l allus get convicted, "
answered the tramp between bites.
A German General, on inspecting his
troops at the close OF the war, addressed
them thus: "Now, my children, we
can once more get seriously to work.
The pastime of war is at an end, and
drill must 60 on regularly as hereto
FORE"
The late James T. Fields had favor.
ite anecdote of an English guest at his
breakfast table, who declined suga,
with his coffee. ''Nevcr take sugar
unless the coffee is very, very bad, in
deed, you know" Then presently.
after tasting the coffee, MAY l trouble
you for the sugarf"
a was getting measured for suit o.
clothes this mawning," said young Mr.
Sissy to his pretty cousin, "and just fol
a joke, y'know, l awsked snipem il II
weally took nine tailors to make man.
He said it would tako more than mint
tailors to make man Of some peoI
l thought it was quite clevah."
Enter Irishman (picking up a ST.
ounce bottle from the counter)-''Goso
marnin', yer honor. What would b
the price of bottle this size2' Drug
gist-"Two cents, but if you are going
to have anything put in it it will cost
only one cent" Irishman-"F Faith,
then, yer honor, shove a cork in"
A Legitimate" transformer recently
returned to the city on foot after an un
successful starring tour in Shakespearear
characters A friend accosted him and
asked him what luck he had had.
"Luck," the actor replied, "why, ou
there in Illinoy I played to four kcro
sene lamp. and two of those went ou