Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1888-06-03
'BURDETTE'S CONCEITS
THE CHEERFUL PANCIES OF A FAMOUS
FUNNY NAN.

THE CHEERFUL fANClES W FAhOui
FUNNY NAN.
The Axe and the Wood Pile as q Medicine for Ne
Who are Nad-fhs Poor Politician
EPOlyglOt Character.
Ne.c York World.
Every human male man, who possesse
even lingering faint of temper SHOULD
keep an axe and wood-pile semewher'
handy, that he may rush out and work Of
his wrath when it waxeth fierce. There 4
nothing In this vain old world that vii
send 9 man back to his appointed worl
with more wilted collar and q truer com
prehepsion Of himself, than thirty minutes
wrestling with full-havored axe. He car
use it 80 fiercely on the wood. All the fury
of his nature, all the hate he feels for hi
enemy, he can infuse into that a1e-handle
and how the chips will fly. Not very ar
tistically, probably, but they will fly,
Aud presently it begins to dawn up
on the man that he is feeling more
calm. Evidently he is experiencing
q change of heart. He does not hate hit
enemy 80 bitterly, after all. The AXE
weighs about eighty.one pounds on the ul
stroke. He does not hate his enemy at all.
He changes his stroke, and begins to chop
on the system of Italian penmanship, the up
strokes heavy aud the down ones light. He
rather loves his enemy now. At last he puts
all his failing strength into one terrific blow.
He misses his tip with the axe and smites the
chopping- block with the handle. A tingle as
though he had swallowed an alarm-clock
goes from elbow to hip and back again, the
axe drops from his powerless hands, and @
weak, limp, nerveless, perspiring. trem-
bling, gasping thing, he staggers into the
house, lies down on the first thing that
looks like lounge, and is ready to die.
There isn't fear or O fault in his heart
Death has no terrors and life has no temp.
tations for him. He has chopped out sll his
baser nature, and is Just as ETHEREAL and
spiritual as he can be on this side of the
Jordan. 1t is great medicine.
People with whom have been quarrel.
ling all spring would be amazed too see me
now. l foolishly contracted last year Ia
keep q camp fire going. didn't know then
that it took all the forests in the Adiron.
dack spurs to keep up one little campfire.
l am not large, broad, tall, sinewy man,
and the axe they gave me might have
beaten down the brazen gates of what-you.
may call-it that what s-his-name besieged,
if he ever did besiege it. l have fallen
trees with that axe that would
have made Mr.. Gladstone shudder.
They tell me must say
felled, not fallen, but know better, be.
cause only cut down fallen trees. My
wrists were larger than my knees, which
goes TO show that didn'tpray as hard ss
chopped, but Ididn't have strength enough
to hate nybody; l was too limp to commit
the slightest sin, 30 l didn'f have much
need Of prayer. didn't write any the
following week, because couldn't close
my fingers over anything smaller than an
axe helve. We tried tying the penholder Ia
my elbows, but they wouldn't bend with
that kind of an implement My hands were a
little better the next week, but l was o.
badly axe-ridden as ever. hear voices
calling even now for "More wood" though
l assure you ! cut a cord between every
paragraph. At least, think did. But
I went out and chopped until the axe flew
off the handle, which was dropped every
five minutes, and then heaped high the
fagots, and crawled into the campfire, and
showed the old martyrs how sweetly and
ioyously man could roast himself rather
than cut one solitary single other stick o.
wood more.
10, THE POOR POLITICIAN.
Frequently we hear the honesty Of 6
dead or retired politician-it's much thu
same thing-highly commended, because
say his friends, The came out of politics
poor" That does not prove much hon
esty, however, when he leaves everybody
else poor. That's frequently the trouble
with the fellow who comes out poor.
AN INSUFFICIENT PATENT.
"The controllable beehive is advertised
in agricultural papers. Any fool can con
troll the beehive. 1t is the restless beg
CARS that inhabit the same that are uncon
trollable.
A PoLYGIoT CHARACTER.
Now, what enjoy more than anything
else in a Russian novel is something beside
and that great charm consists in the in
finity of names borne by each character a
his private baggage, and the flattering as
sumption on the part of the translator tina
bis reader is perfectly familiar with all tn,
pet variations and diminutives of every
name in the land Of the vitchski. Tn,
other day / became deeply interested il
one chapter, in the conduct and actions o
a whole roomful Of people. THE Primo
crossed the room abruptly ant
stood looking out of the win
dow. He does not see me- though
Paulovna. We'll, said Bolkonski, abrupt
ly, at least one may have an opinion 4
moment of silence. and Mikhailovna sighet
piteously. 'Ah me, muttered Drubitz
koi, 'ifthis business were only well over.
But hoWp queried VIadimiravitch, impa
tiently. Another pause, and Besonkhoy
fdgeted nervously with his eyeglass. 8
cannot endure this exclaimed Nesvitsky
and with this exclamation Koutcz)w turn
cd away from the window and left III
room empty and deserted" That lionel,
teggar had been standing at the windo'
talking to himself all the time.
CENTRE HIT.
1t is great pity that some of the eyi
counsellors Of the workingmen to-day wer
not served the same way. Raleigh, seem
the executioner pause, said Ito him
'WhO dost thou not strike? Strike, man!
The man struck, and that was the last {
Raleigh. Oh, that the workingman of Il
day would thus always strike the man VIII
tells him to!
| THE DEER.sLAYER.
never hunted deer, but think / ca
understand how any man, thrilled by Ii
excitement of long chase, full of the q
dor Of pursuit, giving the game all IL
fair chances Of the field, himself el
during fatigue, thirst, peril in II
chase, matching his own endurance, p'
thence and skill sgainst the speed, streDgt
and instinct Of the game, can ct Ia
bring his rife to his shoulder and sho,
down the antlered monarch bounding ava
for life. But to lie in boat, hidden ava
in the darkness, crouching back in Il
shadows Of the glowing decoy, waitir
through the long hours Of darkness, listel
ing to every sound, gun in hand, finger q
| Al. k~.r~-n. k,I,.u - ala ~...l H..