The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-08-02
HOW A BABY GROWS.
Fond Father Made Sad by Few
Facts and Figures.

Facts and Figures.
From, the Chtcuoo Ne,os
Yesterday we were honored with a call
from Alexander Slason Thompson, compiler
Of tho Humber Poetsn and associate edi-
tor of our esteemed hebdomadal contem-
porary, The America. He was looking so
we'll and so happy that we could not for
bear congratulating him upon his robust
appearance and upon the peace of mind and
the tranquility of temper which his cheer
full countenance and lively conversation be-
tokened.
"Yes," said ne, business affairs are in
highly prosperous condition. The paper is
adding thousands of names weekly to its
subscription list, advertisements are plenti-
full, and from every part of the country we
are receiving assurances that our efforts to-
ward encouraging better class of 'liteRa-
ture are heartily appreciated. But, cheer
ing as all these things are, none of them
contributes so largely to my happiness as
does the we'll being of my little daughter,
that voiceful cherub which heaven vouch-
safed to me six weeks ago last Wednes-
d ~"
"Ah, that is true" said we; land how
is the child-how thrives the little Eu-
geniag'
Most parents, answered Mr.. Thompson,
ARE 50 blinded by prejudice as to be wholly
incompetent to pass an impartial opinion
upon thor progeny; therefore l have i'm
piled myself with uncommon earnestness of
purpose to weighing the merits and demer-
its of this child, to the end that / might be
able to give an Intelligent and unbiased
judgment thereon; and | find that, divest-
ing my mind of all the prejudices incident
to paternity, the little Eugenia' is indeed the
most beauteous, the most amiable, and the
info I ho1 tT1
Therefore it is with pride and joy that l
note her constant and rapid physical
growth and the gradual but distinct devel-
opment of her mental powers, which in their
unfolding reminds me of the unfolding of
rosebud"
"She is now 6 weeks old, you sayF"
Eyes, and when she was born she weighed
only four pounds. But unless all signs
are wrong, she will speedily illustrate the
truth of that homely saying which teaches
us that Big oaks from little acorns grow.
Nv eighing but four pounds at birth she
weighed six pounds when she was month
old. Now my friend Bryan Lathrop, who
has that genius at figuring which all
Vermonters have, tells me that if the child
continues TO gain at the rate she has grown
since her birth she will weigh forty-eight
pounds when she is 6 months old. If she
does, she will be the biggest baby on the
north side. You see she has gained so per
cent. in weight the first month, and if She
keeps it up she will increase materially
every month. The indications are that she
will, and pray to heaven that these sweet
promises will be fully realized"
Unhappy man." we cried, you know
not what you say. 1t is not within reason
to suppose you seriously hope that Eugenia
will actually gain so per cent. in weight each
month";"
Certainly, I do" said he, and there is
every prospect that she will, heaven be
praised!"
"Alas," we sighed, "most wretched of
human beings, you know not what you in
vitel If Eugenia continues to gain so per
cent. in weight each month, she will at the
end of the year weigh more than any other
person on earuhr'
"Oh. you get out-you be darned!"
Take your pencil and figure it for your
self. She weighs 4 pounds at birth, 6 pounds
at l month 9 pounds at 2 months, 1875
pounds at months, about 81 pounds at
months, 80 pounds at 5 months, and As
pounds at months. From this period the
gain will be more rapid, yet still at the
same ratio. She will weigh 72 pounds at Z
months, los pounds at 8 months. 1862 pounds
at months, 243 pounds at 10 months. 365
pounds at l months, and SAT pounds at 10
months! Just think of it-there are the
figures-Eugenia year old and weighing
DAT pounds avoirdupois"
Mr.. Thompson said nothing; he simply
stared at the figures in dazed, sem:-coma-
tose way.
'By the time your CHI lid reached the age
when children run about and play" we
continued, "she would weigh several thous-
and pounds. She would become an annoy
ance rather than delight You could not
take her on your lap unless you raised her.
and held her there by means of steam pull
leys; if, in her childish play, she happened
to trip and fall, the chances are that she
would break through the floor and keep on
falling, clean through to the cellar; Just
imagine what noise she would make when
she woke up in the night with a colic-the
conclusion of her cries would shatter all the
window-glass in the neighborhood. Con-
slider, too, the expense of rearing such a
child-what vast amount of food she
would require, how much leather would
be required for shoes, and what acres of
muslin would be demanded for a petticoat
or a Slip"
"How much would she weigh by the time
she got her growthp asked Mr.. Thompson,
huskily.
1--WE have not the time to figure it." said
we, but it would be many, many billions of
pounds. With each ton of flesh she acquired
you would be put to more and more ex-
pense and greater and greater trouble. You
could not take her OUT Win you TO parties
or concerts, nor would the beaus dare to-
because if they asked her if she'd have some
soda water or ice cream, and she accepted
she'd bankrupt the richest Croesus on earth.
Just imagine girl weighing 1900, 600
pounds stepping in Gunthers and trying TO
Stake her thirst! The probability is that so
far as you were concerned you would be
kept constantly busy charging your house.
Would this not be- awfulp
Mr.. Thompson said nothing. He
groaned dismally and he was the picture of
misery.
"In all this" said we, "is to be seen the
utter vapidity of human happiness. A few
moments ago you were rejoicing in your
daughters seeming prosperity, but now
you discover that you have nursed a delu-
sion and that the very growth which you
hailed and for whose continuance you
prayed is likely TO becomea sorrow-a bur
den too heavy for you TO bear. Foolish
man, invite no misfortune by tempting
Providence with silly prayers and vain inn
portunities. Accept that which is as for
the best and esteem that only as happiness
which neither the present concerns nor the
future can effect"
Mr.. Thompson left us changed man. 1t
seemed as if all the sunlight had suddenly
gone out Of his life.
After Three Years.