The weekly messenger. [volume] (St. Martinsville [i.e. St. Martinville] La.) 1886-1948, 1888-03-24
READY SPEECH
Mark Twain's Recipe For an
Impromptu Address.
Ready for Any Occasion by the
Change of a Few Words.

Forefather's Day in Boston, included the
/ following in his speech, which was re-
ceived as all his speeches are, quite en-
Enthusiastically:
A man ought always to come pre-
pared to speak whether he is likely to
be called on or not My scheme is this
that he shall carry in his head speech
that will fit any conceivable occasion in
this life. He could fit it to a dot. /
have built speech of that kind, and /
brought it along to exhibit it here as a
sample of what can be done. Suppose
a man that has got a speech of this
kind is called upon to deliver a funeral
Grafton, or tall, at granger gathering,
or wedding breakfast, or a theological!
I disturbance, or a political blowout, or
/ anywhere you choose to mention. Al,
! that he has got TO DO il 10 change three
or four words in that speech, and make
his delivery clipper or solemn, or just
what the occasion calls for, and thru
| himself loose, and thea he is all right
will illustrate. But l will deliver
eight or niue lines, just enough for you
to sec the possibilities that lie in that
speech. Now for the speech to the
! granger. He gets up with some hest
fancy and repetition, so as to give the
speech a right impromptu air. Ifhc has
delivered it lot of times, he can ven
turc outside and make some impromptu
remarks. If there is a distinguished
man present, he can speak Of his talent
or his clothes. Such a thing as this
gives it a sort of newness. lie then
wants to leave his audience to wonder
! at his readiness, just as they were get
ting ready TO pity him. lie wants to
! fire the farmer with his words from his
mansard down to his cellar Then he
goes on:
/ am callel up sldden and am, indeel, not
! prepared 10 make a speech. l was not ex-
J
/ what effect | may. adj | my shout to the jul
] bilation-to this spirited star occasion, Az
ricuiture, sir, is, after all, tine palladium OF
! our American liberties. By it We may be
said to live and move AMI have our being.
J All that we have, all that we are, all that
we hope to be, Is, must he, and
must continue to he, providentially,
;,,l. g
through this glorious agriculture. While we
have life, while we have souls, and in those
souls sweet and holy sentiments, agriculture
/ vii, he that boon by which we thrive AMI
aspire. and with it is born far reaching grace
and duty and purity and loneliness. Blu: the
least OF US know, but the least OF Us feel, that
We are as-lut the time is late and will not
J -
Suppose it is not granger gathering,
but wedding breakfast. That speech
has got to Oc delivered il IN airy and
gay fashion. Bat it must terminate
gravc!y. lie says:
Il am called Up suddenly, sir, and am. in
deed. not prepared to make speech. l was
ut expecting to he called zap. la. | Will, with
= ka; effect MAJ, add NY shout 10 this spir,
i'aI star occasion. Matrimony Is, after ali
ths palladium OF our domestic liberties. BY
it we rany bc said to live, to m1re ami to nc
GUire our debts All that we have been, al
that we are, all that we hope to be, is, must
be. AMI must continue to be, providentially
moved by that great and glorious mat
rimony. While we have life, while W,
have souls, let us with generous accord at
tune our souls TO songs of praise for thai
most precious boon whereby we numerically
thrive, whereby our otherwise worldly exist
erce is made grand, and we aspire to en-
Trace grace and duty and purity and lowell
ness. But the leasc Of us know, the least oil
Us feel, and dou6tcss many of us will con
fcss-Lut the hour is late and will not"
But suppose the cccasior-I just wan:
to show you that it will cover the who IL
crouad---suppose this occasion is an in
quest At the funeral OF a person yor
want to be as melancholy as you can, but
in the case of an inquest you simply
want to be impressive and awful. Say
this Inquest was on second cousin
wealthy second cou in, who has re-
rem cred you in his will. Perhaps h
has LEFT you horse or pair of horses
not the iiacst morgan stock, but horses
that can 60 in three minutes. He is
second cousin and ne has lost his lift
trying to save somebody from
drowning. Say it is min(
cure physician he was trying to saw
from drowning lut didn't succeed, but