The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-06-06
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Always comes out on top-hair.
No thorough-fare-An oatmeal dinner.
A copper trust-getting credit for
cent.
Money is an enigma that everybody
must give up.
A chess tournament is always played
on the square.
The canned article that goes the quick
est is a dogs tail.
A dentist will file your teeth but not
for ready reference.
When a man claims the earth it is time
to unearth his claim.
Something that should be looked into
"A pretty girls eyes.
1t is unfortunate that little money
doesn't go a long way.
If thirty.two is the freezing point,
what is the squeezing point? Two in
the shade.
good many women who have mar
ried dry goods clerks have got two yards
of illusion as premium.
Hc-"Do you believe in high license,
Fanniel' She-''What kind of license9
Marriage licenseG' He changed the
sub bject
"who is that MANI" "He's the SER
want of old Smith, the undertaken"
''Ah then he's the valet of the shadow
of death. - 7'oton Topics.
A Pittsburg man calls his wife by the
beautiful title "Nirtue," because she is
her own reward. She does all the house
work and gets no wages. - Graphic.
"One swallow does not make sum-
mer" but it may have occurred to you
that one grasshopper makes more than a
| dozen springs. NorriSto,oR Herald.
l like spring better than the fall,
Said Robinson to Brown,
Because in fall the stoves put up /
III spring it's taken down,
Boston Gazette.
Mr.. Agile to Mr.. Stoutman, who was
running after horse -car-"Why, old
boy, thought you were too lazy to run. p"
Mr.. S.-"Easily explained; laziness runs
IN our family"
A warrant was recently issued in a
North Carolina town for the arrest of
nan for committing an assault with a
= deadly weapon, to wit, a certain vicious
and large bull dog"
The West Chester Neics suggests that
a man can hardly trust a signal service
report that predicts calm weather when
! he has to hold his hat on with both
hands while he reads it,
| The candidates boomet now bunglingly
boometh,
| And bashfully buzzeth the beggarly bee:
In the bulge of his bonnet it busily hummeth
| A song like the sob of the sad sounding sea
-Chicago Tribune.
A Congressman, on receiving his hat
from the cloak-room, asked the waiter
how he knew it was his hat, and was
promptly answered.; II didn't know it
was your hat; | only knows it wuz the
hat you CUB to me-"
Daughter Mamma, wouldn't it be
Just lovely if we only had necks like a
! giraffe" Mamma why, my child2
What advantage would it be to us2"
Daughter-"W could taste our ice
cream so much longer. r."-Tid-Bits.
Mamie Mamma, can't l go over to
Kittys house and play awhi.e" Mamma
(hesitatingly) )-'I don't know, dear. |
yes, you can 90 for Just little while. !"
Mamie (demurelyl yl-"Thank you, mann
ma, I've been. ."-Drdke's MdgdsiAe.
W uleii 1 IlNe 10
Aud my language is plain,
That for ways that are dark
And for tricks that are vain,
This climate Of ours is peculiar.
Lincoln (Neb.) Journal
Tramp piteouslY- "Please help a
poor old cripple" Kind Old Gent
/ (handing him some money me,
why, of course. How are you crippled,
my poor felowln Tramp pocketing the
money)-"Financially crippled, sir. !"
, Tile Sun.
You have a very sour look this morn
ing" remarked cucumber TO his
neighbor,a a dyspeptic strawberry. Yes, "
was the tart reply; Zone is necessarily
unpeasantly affected when compelled To
associate with such a scedy party as you
are.n "Cauli0ower by any other name
twill smell as sweet" shouted an onion
near by, with a peel of laughter. r.-NeiO
! York. San.