Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1888-07-08
sonE ADVICE TO A YOUNG TOURIST
Htw 10 Spend Your Summer Vacation Some Ex.
eellent Points on the Treatment Of
Bees and Bears.


been just as deeply indebted if you had
consulted q boarding house directory and
some railway time tables and saved your
self the brain work and the large blue en-
velops with which you have honored me.
How can I tell what You wish to do or
go fishing? Please answer the following
questions by return mail, together with q
certificate from your family physician,
which / will place on file:
First-Arey you married or single, or both?
If so, how long?
Second-From what college did you
graduate and what position did you hold
on the team?
Third-Does your health require the
daily use of fresh asparagus, cigarettes
and lawn tennis, or can You Withstand
the hardshirs of q season in the Catskills?
Fourth-How often have you been en-.
gagged, and if frequently, state the most
prominent feature of the family obiec-
tions.
FIfth-Is there any particular spot you
would like to infest during August and
September, and if 30, are you financially
able TO get there and get back without
leaving a lien on three blszars and that
irregular watch
Slxth-Do Won like the seashore, or do
you prefer to flee as q bird to the mountains
and walk back?
Seventh-Can you swim with both feet
of bottom, or do you generally drown in
deep water2
BY a swift perusal Of the above form
properly filled out, l will be enabled tode-
tect your wants and give you advice, but
at present ! do not zee my way clear to
doing your case justice.
You have o large and varied field open
to your choice, John, and Jon must in.
deed be fastidious if you cannot be pleased
To the south lie Long Branch, Coney
Island. Patchogue and ninety-four miles Of
Long Island boarding-houses; to the east
are the camp.meeting and bicycle JOYS Of
Vineyard Haven and ~northerly are New
port, Bar Hsrbor, or the primeval forests
of Maine. Withersoever your fancy's But.
terfly wings may ~iutter, your decision
cannot but bring you content.
Through your pleasure-purpled mean
deripgs my best wishes shall follow.
Blue-syed June shall find you in the
twinkling shadows of the larches, hand 10
hand with her-goddes Of your day
Dreams desire.
For her and her alone shall the sun.
shine sift aslant through the leafy arches,
where the bobolink and thrush posr music
into the golden urns of the silence Of
noon,
For her shall the Marguerite's pale splen-
dor Jewel the mead; for her the shy ane'
mono nestle among the grasses; for her the
tinklipg stream shall trip its laughing way
down the rocky staircase which winds to
the sea; for her shall the cricket fiddle, the
invisible fingers Of the wind pluck melody
from the stirring branches; for her shall
the glories of cloudlsnd glow in the west;
for her the dim twilight draw its veil; FIR
her the young stars shall gsz. from the
sapphire summit; for her all the pageant
of nature shall veer from 0paline change to
change-for her aud for You.
Anon / shall be with you in salty hours
by the sea, when, weary Of oceans glitter
and roar, weary of the hard -thumped
piano and the twitter of girls, weary of
watching the vanishing sails on the mystic
| TtuI "uSIC u tipd " AhtOtibk VI
and sky, weary and wan you Chamber to
tropical attic repose, lulled by the sere.
made of m"ultitudInOus wings.
Yet anon shall 1 follow you upon the
bosom OF the deep, yonr strong arm dTiv-
ing the airy canoe from watery curve to
curvc-sapphire above and. crystal be-
neath-the skill of your seamanship de-
fying the elensnts until by some unfor-
seen turn the pesky thing goes bottom
side up and your shrill thoughts fly to-
ward home.
Up the SUBMITS of mountains old and
hoary, down the balssm scented %ravine,
over the rolling crests Of Neptune, or
where the ~hamsdryads and the shadows
are welded, my spirit shall be pursuant to
your hayward course.
But do not, o John, burden your soul
now with the yexations of choice. Put
your trust in Providence or bull luck, buy
your ticket for anywhere and you will be
happy.
/ also learn with great pleasure that Mr..
Pennington Carr, who inserts several d. zsD
small-ca letters after his name but is
otherwise q great and profound person, is
about to make a circuit of Great Britain
and possibly the United States for the pur-
pose of delivering his humane lecture en-
titled "How to Win Dumb Animals"
Mr.. Carr has not yet written to ask my sd-
vice before taking this important step, and
has also forgotten to send me q prospectus
setting forth his purpose and the general
features of his enterprise, but / am so
deeply interested in the subject that I
waive my right to these trivial courtesies
and will do the best / can for him.
How to Win Dumb Animals" is a com.
plex and beautiful subject, ard / have 10
doubt that Mr.. Carr will handle ii with
enthusiasm and zeal, but there are certain
ramifcations of the American system which
I would like to submit to him before he
kindly crosses to his side.
I have devoted years of my life to the
science of winDiog dumb animals. / re-
member once hearing lecturer say that
any one who would sit TRANQUILITY in some
lonely spot and let his beneyolence radi-
ate in all directions would be delighted
aud surpri, ed TO see how many birds,
insects and other varieties Of Gods crea.
lures would flock to him, attracted by
us uldkuCtibui udtohSS.ouciy PotiSh
forth. Oae day when / was sitting on the
banks of the Nile and felt lonely, despite
the cordial society Of several dozen sand
fleas, l recollected this statement and
resolved TO try it on. The radiation Of
my benevOlence must have got q kink in IL
somewhere, for the only thing which
hocked during about forty minutes was o
small but unattractive ceutipede, which
was tunnelliDg up my trousers, and which
I was compelled to assassinste in order to
make him let 60. / then resumed the
radistion, and in o short time / was
entirely successful, having won from the
depths q four-ton hippopotmus, with m
aperture in his ! c~ountenance like the
Lursy Cave.
/ would have liked to remain and study
this noble animal, but jnst then I remem-
bsred that I promised 10 be at camp, two
miles down the river, in twenty-five min
uts, and / got there in six.
This experience Of mine had . sad paral-
I.l - ,ha caaa nf INV friend GaorOe Win