davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
Chorus.
Newspapers.

Chicago Times: The souvenir dane
ing orders of the Albany Printing
Pressmen's s union contain the following
contribution from "a printers devil,n
which is too funny for publication in
so-called funny papers; at least, they
seldom have such genuine humor. It
is entitled a "Prize Essay ON News
papers,"
Newspapers is called vehicles Of infor-
nation.
Reporters is what is called "the staff"
so many of them being "sticks."
They work hard-at refreshment bars.
Proof-readers is men what spoils the
punctuation of compositors. They spell
a word one way to-day and another way
tomorrow. They think they be intel
ligent PERSONS; compositors think diff
ferent.
Compositors is men as sets up tho
types-and sometimes the drinks. Com
positors is very steady men when they
is sober-which they seldom is when
they can help it.
Editors is men what knows everything
in the heavens above and the earth
beneath. They is writer's who doesn't
write anything whatsoever. They is
the biggest men you ever see.
Managers is men as takes in the tin
and gives patent medicine lads" tops
of columns next to reading matter
thirty-seven columns out of thirty-two.
Proprietors ant anybody. They ant
ever seen.
Printers devils is the most importan
persons in printin' office. They does
the hardest work and gets the least pay.
Pressmen, is-well, there wouldn't be
no newspapers, no circus bills, without
pressmen to print 'em.
Feeders is men what feeds on the fat
of the land.
If | ever start a paper of my own I'll
call it The Umbrella. Everybody will
take it.
heard. the foreman tell this funny
story to one of the 'staff" the other
day. 1t must have been funny, cause
they both laughed. This is the story:
"a gentleman was promenading the
street with little boy at his side when
the little fellow cried out: % pa, there
goes an editor!' Hush, hush said the
father, don't make sport of the poor
man-God only knows what you may
come to yet
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
An Ontimisfic View.

Chicago Times.
I'm an optimistic chap
Make the best of each mishap-
And am given but TO looking for the brightest
side of life;
Shows In winter, heaping ridges,
And in summer swinging bridges
Are my servants when have TO mako ex-
cuses TO my wife.
Now II happens reside
On the 60" at Riverside.
So, you see, the strike and all attendant dan
gers of the strife
Save heap of explanation
II, in seeking recreation,
i remain away week or two from home and
darling wife. @
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
Madrid Takes the Lead.

MADRID, Neb., March 1o.--[Special 1ele-
gram to the BEE IA rousing enthusiastic
meeting of the republican club of this place
was held this evening. 1t has the honor Of
being the first club organized in western Me-
braslsa, the date Of it's organization being
September 1, 1888. The officers are as fol-
lows: Bresident, S. Il. Briefly; vice-presi-
dent, John Burnett; secretary, G. o. Lee;
treasurer, ID. ID. Dayton; delegates elected to
attend the meeting at Omaha on the 18th,
John Burnett, Fred Hewitt, ID. ID. Dayton.
Over one hundred names are now enrolled
with the membership increasing rapidly.
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
Born a General.

Hudson Register: At the club the
other night, when this Incident was al
luded to, John Oberly. the civil service
commissioner, told the story of man
General Watkins, believe, was the
name-whO used to live down in south
ern Illinois. When he was in court as
n witness one OF the lawyers asked him
his name.
General Watkins" was the reply.
Were you in the late WARP"
mo, sir"
Were you in the Mexican WARP"
mo, sir. F"
Were you ever commander of mill
tiap"
mo, SIR"
"Did.you ever hold a military appoint
mentp"
mo, SIR"
"Then," asked the lawyer, with a
.sneer, chow did you get to be gener-
alp"
~ was horn en- - yoc tho ren1y
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
WILL Strike To-day.

DESyER, Col, March fo.-The striking en-
gineers held a secret session in their hall this
afternoon, at the conclusion of which notice
was issued to the officers OF the Denver, Utah
& Pacific that all their engineers and firemen
would go out at noon tomorrow, This road
is narrow gaage running from Denver 10
Lyons, and Is controlled oy thc Burlington
by lease, and is used by the latter as .eouer
to one of the richest coal districts of the state
Quite a number OF Burlington cars are stand
ing in the Rio Grade yards, Eiiled fer Cali
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
WIN Not Work WIN soabs.

KANSAS CITY, March 1o.-Members of the
Switchmen's union, sixty in number, em-
ployed in the yards of the Kansas City, St.
Joseph & Council Bluffs railroad, and the
Hannibal & ST. Joe, both of which are part
of the Burlington system, are on the eveo of a
strike. This morning they expressed the de-
termination not to work with the engineers
now employed by the Burlington. Their
reasons are the danger is so great because of
the incompetency of the new men that they
fear they are liable to be crippled or killed at
any moment.
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
Threaten 20 Strike Monday.

KANSAS CITY, Mo-, March 10,--At a meet
ing of the general grievance committee of the
Kansas City, Fort Scott & Gulf railroad held
this evening it was decided that if the COM
pany persists in handling freight consigned
to the Burlington road that the engineers
ana firemen will leave their engines on Mon
day morning, The situation at this point is
becoming more interesting every hour. The
members of the grievance committees are ar
irving by each train and the brotherhood men
openly say the crisis will come on Monday
morning
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
as born so," was the reply.
A Modern Cresus.

He pressed his suit with urgent zeal;
She heard with downcast eyes,
As if she feared they might reveal
The love she'd fain disguise.
AT last she spoke, in accents low,
This wayward, winsome witch
'There's just one thing I'd like to know
Pray tell me- are you richa''
His courage rose about a mile
And gladness filled his soul;
"Richa" answered he, "well, should smile
My father deals in coal"
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
An Inuuiring Mind.

Detroit Free Press: "There is moth
ing more beautiful and interesting than
to watch the gradual development and
unfolding of the juvenile mind" said
Mr.. BiXby the other day as he sat talk
ing with a friend on a railroad train.
Il Think he added, 'that we make q
mistake in discouraging these little in
quirers after knowledge by refusing to
answer their childish questions. l be-
everv question a child asks, and
A youth of ten years sitting in the seat
in front of BiXby turned around at this
moment.
"What time is it"'
"What time, my little man?" said
Bixby brightly. ut is ten minutes af-
ter l."
Your watch right?"
"Why, yes, l think so."
"What kind of a watch is itP"
ga Waltham." @
"How much did it cost?"
.Why--I-I--lt was present, and"
eWho gave it to your"
ooh, society of which am men,
ber."
'Stem-winder?"
"Yes-as ] was saying" he went ON to
his friend, "I' think"
the inquiring mind.
I'm afraid III get dust in it, my boy.
Yes, as was saying"
What society give it to you?"
''The Phil Kearney branch Of the G..
A. r. of which am"
whats C. A. r. mean?"
"Grand Army uf the Republic. Now,
sit down my little man and
did they give you the chain, tooT
'Oh, yes. Now"
els it real gold or only plated?"
"Gold."
sLet me feel it.''
II can't very we'll for"
''Where' d you get that big ring2"
THAT was present, too. Now, if I
were you I'd-"
"Who give it to you?"
ooh, friend. You see now, Smith,
as I was saying"
"What kind of set is there in that
ring?n
It's moss agate; now turn around
and"
"You going far?"
"Only to Buffalo"
"What are you going there for?"
son business; now you must turn
around and sit down, little fellow, for
I---'
"What kind of business?"
"Come, come; sit down now and---"
"Do you live in Buffalo?'
"No; IL
= "Where do you live?"
I'm Utica; now sit down and keep
STILL"
''What are you going TO do in Buff
falo?"
'You ask too many questions"
''Yuu got a knife?"
Eyes, but T."
"Howll you trade sight unseen?"
81 never trade that way. Now you---"
g. 'Fraid you'll get beat eh?"
O"Sit down"
Lets see your knife"
'You turn round there"
SIS it a four-blader?"
''See here, boy, yon turn around there
and sit down and don't open your mouth
again for "A week! You ask more ques-
tions than two talking machines could
answer. Now you shut up!"
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
The DevOtee.

For forty days and nights to 60
In sackcloth and all that, you know,
With not rag that freshl
To stop the dance right in full swing
Because folks say il Is "the thing"
To mortify the fieshl
For forty days TO peak and pinei
No place to go to dance or dinel
Why was / ever porni
The theatre it is tabooed.
And all the gay and giddy brood
OF fashion is forlorn,
Bereft of ballroom and C beaux,
What shall do heaven only knows,
That's left me in the lurohi
Some dissipation must find,
Or shall really lose my mind
One cannot fiirt in church.
Night after night, day after day,
Full forty, Just TO fast and pray
And play the penitent,
With naught TO do but ponder on
The Easter bonnet shall don
IL e'er live through Lentl
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
The sympathy of. the knights.

MISSOURI Valley, Ia, March 1U.-ISpecial
10 the BEE Local Assembly, X. of p, No.
53oS. has adopted the following resolutions:
Resolved, That we extend to the brother
hood of engineers and firemen of the Chi
cago, Burlington & Quincy system our sym
pathy in their struggle for justice and right
and we hope they may succeed in their fight
Resolved, That we look upon all men who
voluntarily take the places of the strikers on
the Chicago. Burlington & Quincy system as
traitors to the interests of labor
Resolved, That a copy of these resolutions
be sent to the brotherhood Of engineers and
fremen and also to the Omaha BEE.
COMMITTEE on RESOLUTIONS.
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
Where's the white Horsep

am young maiden Of bashful sixteen,
I'm troubled, Pm angry, I'm sad;
/ don't like the many expressions hear
The latest one makes me so mad.
My hair, you must know, is of bright golden
hue,
To term 1t red is language quite gross;
If ride in car some fool will shout, ahi
There's red-headed girl, so where's tho
white horsei
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
CHORUS,

Where's the white horsel Have you seen the
white horsel II
To account for this saying I'm sadly at
loss;
When go on the street, my appearance
they'll greet,
There's red headed girl, so where's the
white horsei
Why people poke fun at maiden so shy,
And call her bright shining light,"
Is something ! hardly can answer myself,
Pm sure you do not think it right.
These men about town are the plague Of my
life, -.
Their jokes are vulgar, their wit is so
coarse,
THEY'LL laughingly cry, when me they spy,
There's a red-headed girl, so where's the
white horsel
Chorus
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
The Second Death.

HURON, Oak, March 1o.-[Speoial Tele-
gram to the BEE. The second death as the
result of the university fire occurred last
night the victim being Giles Parker. His
parents live in England. All the others who
were injured by the fire are improving.
They are being cared for at the expense of
the city. Funds are being raised for tenn
porary quarters, so that the university can
resume on the 20th inst. Plans are being
formed for rebuilding the university before
the fall fern
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
Tied with Eight Knots.

Washington Critic: Bachelor-who
has been away ten years to Benedict
with wife and eight childrent. So you
are marriedp
Benedict: Yes,and have been for nine
years.
Bachelor: Tied for life? ..n
Benedict: You're right, and with eight
knots in the string.
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
Russian Newspaper Comment

ST PETERSBURG, March 10.-All newspa-
pers to-day appear in mourning for and pub
lish necrologfes of the dead emperor of Ger
many. All papers express sympathy at the
loss sustained, they say not only by Germany
but also by the whole world. The papers
extol the deceased for his noble
minded qualities, and speak of him as
a great patriot and victorious COM
mander. They comment upon the turning
point in political affairs which they think the
emperor's death will make. This, they say,
is a subject for the most serious reflection.
The Novoe Vremymae expresses doubts as
to Emperor Frederick's physical capacity to
govern himself, but hopes the question of ac-
tual government in the interests of united
Germany may be settled without difficulty.
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
WHERE is THE WHITE HORSES

A Modern Crpsus-- A Business Transac
tion-A Blessing I'm Disguise-A
Very Fair Trade-Hard
Uuck-JokeIets.
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
Engines BADLY Disabled.

PALMER Neb., March l0.-[Special to the
BEE. THE B. & M. railroad engines on tho
st. Paul and Greeley branches are fast be-
coming dilapidated. The Arcadia passenger
engine was run off the turn-tabie into the
ash pit, yesterday, and badly demoralIzed.
Numerous similar accidents are constantly
reported. All trains are from three To five
hours late
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
To Look After the Moi,s.

WASHINGTON, March 10.-Postmaster Cen
eral Dickinson has directed General Super
intendent Nash, of the railway mail SERVICE
TO proceed at once to Chicago and remain
there during the present railroad trouble.
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11

bound, for she was rich and he was
poor, and he loved her with that mad
passion so common to his condition of
society. He fcrvently assured her that
he did.
Then, Mr.. Sampson" she said,
shyly, II think | would like a doze.
more on the shell.n
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
Leap Year Privilege.

She sat idly watching the empty
oyster shells on her plate, while he
finished the last morsel OF cracker with
in reach.
"Mr. Sampson" she said with little
blush, ''do you think that young ladies
are justified in taking advantage Of
their leap year privilegesr"
His heart gave one great saddle rock
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
Meeting of thJ brotherhood.

Meeting of thd dBrothcrhood.
Kansas CRY, Mar6ns1 GA meeting Of the
Brotherhood OF Locomotive Engineers and
Firemen was held this afternoon. An Asso-
ciated press reporter was allowed to attend
aud report IL. The- principal speaker was
Grand Master WihFnstn, of the Brotherhood
of Brakemen, who assured the strikers that
individually and collectively the brakemen
were with shem. He was sorry they were
not brought directly into the struggle at the
start. The braksfAqT knew that the engi-
neers now employed by the Burlington road
are incompetent. The brotherhood men will
refuse to aid the Burlington company in
manning engines under any circumstances.
In the meeting were representatives from
the Fort Scott road, Kansas City, Wyan-
dotte Il Northern road, Missouri Pacific, and
others. All reported their men ready to
strike IL necessary for the success of those
on the Burlington. Wyaudotte men refused
to-day to move six cars of Burlington freight
Resolutions were odopted commendng the
stand taken by General Manager St. John,
of the Rock Island road, in degning his posi-
tion to the Chicago, Burlington & Quincy.
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
Blessing in Disguise.

OVtWTHUWS IIUtUtTV IYtfUS.
A smoker once lived in Cohoes,
Whose mind was 30 bent on his woes
That, with one sweeping scratch,
He struck good match
And tried TO light it with his nose.
At last when his stogie was lighted,
His thoughts turned again to hopes blighted,
And, with mind in eclipse,
He put to his lips
The end that the match had ignted.
The smoker then quickly arose,
Stamped holes in the heels of his hose,
But said to the weed
.'You are just what need
To turn thoughts away from my woes!"
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11

BERLIN, March 10.-The lower house Of
the Prussian diet sat this evening to receive
the formal announcement of the accession of
Emperor to the throne. After reading the
official documents, the president stated he
would, as soon as possible express to Emperor
Frederick the fidelity and devotion of the
house The sitting closed with cheers for
the emperor
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
Ranks Unhrolken.

50 CREsToS, Ia, March 10.--[Speclal Tele-
gram to the BEE.l mo perceptlbls changes
in the strike situation are noticeable at this
point except that new men are fast supply
ing the places left vacant by the strikers.
The brotherhood still holds daily sessions
and their ranks remain unbroken. Both
freight and passenger traffic on this division
show decided increase with the close of the
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11

7 Yesterday. morning Judge Dundy granted a
temporary injunction against the officers and
employees of the Union Pacific railroad in ac-
cordance with the application made for the
Same on Friday by the Chicago, Burlington
& Quincy railroad. Included in the
injunction are the names of hundreds
of engineers and firemen, and in the after
noon notice was served on them individu-
4; ally The judge orders the Union Pacific
and its employees TO in no way hamper with
the traffic of the Burlington, and gives no.
9 tice TO the engineers and fremen not to Or
ganize, confederate or strike with view to
compelling the Burlington to dismiss the
men substituted for the brotherhood strikers
The editor of the BEE meeting Elmer Frank
or the street yesterday asked him if an in
junction could be issued unless il was based
on some law.
"Of course not,n he replied
When asked in regard to that portion Of
the Injunction relating to the engineers, Mr.
Frank replied that Judge Dundy ran his pen
.cil through that part
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
Why Should Boston Be Proud I?
Chicago Tribune

Why should the spirit of Boston be proud9
The jewels are borrowed she boasted SO
loud.
Her Sullivan came from the Emerald isle
And her bean from the banks of the Tigris
and Nile
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
A Business Transaction.

Nose Schaumberg, of Austin, Tex,
was one OF the passengers on the San
Antonio stage that was robbed few
weeks ago.
"Shell out your money or off goes the
topof your head, remarked one of the
robbers, holding pistol under Misses
noise.
'Three hundred tollars wash every
cent L got, so hellup me schiminy
grashus."
Hand 'em over" .
Nose did SO, keeping back $6.
"What are you keeping back So forp"
mildly inquired the rebber, pressing the
pistol egainst Noses head.
mime Gott don't you let a man take
out dwo ber cent ven he advances money
mitout securities?" asked Nose.
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
4 Fair Trade.

Detroit Free Press: "Those western
fellows can give us twenty-five points
and then beat us every game" said a
Detroit real estate agent who returned
from a western tri p yesterday.
What do you mean?" was asked.
81 mean cheek" he replied. 81 had
speculation in my eyes when went
west, but / got scared before 1 reached
st. Paul. Why, sir, there were no less
than thirteen real estate agents in my
particular coach, and every one made a
dead set at me. One chap who wanted
to sell me business property in st. Paul
was tho best talker l ever heard. l
looked up the land after got there and
ii was just eleven miles from the center
of the city. Some of the pieces of subur-
ban property mentioned TO me at bar
gain were forty miles away. They took
it as an insult il you wanted to ride out
and see the property"
"And didn't you buy?"
"Yes. AT Kansas City man stumped
me to trade piece of Land had in Sag
inaw country for a suburban farm he
had there. 1t was insight and unseen" I"
'And did you make or Loser"
"Oh, came out about even, / guess.
His suburban farm was n hill in Ar
kansas, while my Michigan farm was a
cat-tail swamp two feet under water the
year round. We are both trying to sell
to second parties now, and perhaps the
man who gets my hill will arrange to fill
in for the man who gets the swamps."
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
Hard Luck.

The Arizona Howler explains short
coming in this manner: Our readers
will kindly overlook the.small amount of
editorial matter We present this week.
The reason of this is that we decided at
the last moment not to publish a column
and half article which we had written
with great care on the stability and
Permanent Character of our City's
Growth. I" owing to the fact that just as
we finished it the large dry goods store
building of Gopher g. Hole fell with a
crash, while fire broke out and consumed
the railroad depot building, and the
high wind carried away Colonel
Dodgers fine residence, blew the gable
end off the court house, and Captain
Jumper hitched a yoke of oxen onto the
hind end of the postolfice building and
hauled it out two miles onto his claim,
where he will live in it this winter.
We trust our readers will see the en-
barrassing position we we're placed in
and excuse us. Truth shall ever be we'll
up toward the head Of the list of thugs
we take into consideration on all occa-
sions.
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11
FUNNY THINGS BY FUNNY MEN.

An Optimistic view-A Witness
Who Was Born a General.
Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-11

fornia points, all rQads. .centering here refus-
main line OF the Darlington is unchanged.
The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1888-05-24

This gentleman has solved the problem Of do
mestic happiness By combining the pleasant
features of hotel life with the attractions OF q
home, and has perfected his new plan in mag
nificent style, as will be seen by visiting 'sThs
Cambridge on the corner of Fifth avenue and
Thirty third street, New York city. 1t 10 q he
Isl Of homes. where transient guests are not en-
ternined, and whore meals are served sxelu-
sively TO the occupants of the house and their
frienda There are Injurious apartments for
forty families. and . perfect dining-room with
seating capacity for one hundrsd people. There
IL . feeling OF comfort and quiet elegance
throughout the building, without the hustle and
stir of ordinary hotels. Some Of the best-kpown
people Of New York are now residing in The
Cambridge and have surrendered their private
houses TO dwell In this mammoth house. where
all The eonveniences and comforts Of this life
are to be enjoyed. Mr.. Lorsnz Reich has csr-
tainly conferred lasting favor on his fortunate
guests by removing the everyday snnoyancss
incident TO housekeeping, and providing . re-
sort which meets all the requirements OF the
most sxaeting family man. Mr.. Reich has been
enabled to Improve on the Old msthods by
studying the wants OF tie public and sstisfying
the minutsst objection. He 10 the bsst-known
importer Of Hungarian wines In Ausrica. In
fact HE reputation in this direction u unique.
- 10 evidenced by the Thousands at tessiuoniAle
In his possession. These vines have osen
and Arthur. by Governors Of different Stats2
by professional and literary men. public singers
ana Members Of the Enelish Pariiarsnt IL 70
hardly necessary TO state that the wine -collas
Of The Cambridge" 10 well stocked with the
popular HUNGARIAN brnpds. aud that the eoninl
prepristor will mover let the sfountoia pun
dfy.S-oi, Paint and Drug RepeTton