The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1888-08-09
HOW MRS. BOwSRR TURNED THE
TABLES ON THE OLD MAN,

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has his peculiarities. Like all other
husbands he is bit selfish and incon-
sistent. When he came home one day
last week and found me sick abed with
a swapping headache, he appeared both
surprised and indignant.
What! you sick! he shouted just as il
the female sex. were made of cast iron.
live got headache, Mr.. Bowser.
Oh you haveP In order to upset the
house you have headache. Very kind
of you. was going over to Green's to.
night to have game of cards, but this
headache comes just in time.
Can l help it?
Of course you can! Take proper care
of yourself and you'll never have head.
ache. Look at me, Mrs. BOwser.
You may have one some day.
Yes, | may. Some day / may fill my
stomach with candy, lemonade, green
apples, raw turnips, ginger ale, caramels
and watermelon, and next day prob.
ably shall have headache. It's won,
der that any of you women live to be 81
years old.
He went banging around the house
without thought of me, and after sup
per he came up stairs to say;
Being as you have deliberately gone
to work to bring headache upon your
self, and being as you had rather be
quiet this evening, think I'll run down
and fix up that matter with Davis.
| have an awful headache.
Certainly, but am to blame? Did ]
advise you to eat the turnips and cara
melsP
1t will be lonesome for me.
Bosh! Here's the baby and hired girl
Mrs. Bowser, you are getting to be g
very silly selfish woman. | wish you
would have little more dignity.
lie went away, whistling as he clat'
tered down the front steps, and was
abed and asleep when he came home
Morning brought me clear, cool head
and Mr.. Bowser took occasion to re.
mark:
Don't make an idiot of yourself again
A woman of your age ought to have
some sense. Suppose l had hung over
you and shed tears and piied you last
nightg That headache would probably
have terminated in a fever.
l think Providence has an eye on some
husbands. verify believe that Provi-
dence picked up Mr.. Bowser's trail as
soon as he left the house and began to
plan for revenge. He seemed little
on when he came up to dinner, and
half an hour before his regular time
for supper he came home with his lip
hanging down.
Well what is itP | queried.
This change of weather has affected
me,
No! Has there been change of wealth
err; is it serious, Mr. Bowser.
An awful, awful headache.
Is that all? You startled me for mo-
ment. A headache, Ell? Well you
shouldn't be so careless.
Who's been carelessP he shouted, put
ting up his hand at the same time to see
if the top of his head was really loose.
I'm afraid you have. Soda water,
mint juleps, strong cigars, lager beer
and loss of sleep last night have upset
you. A man of your age ought to know
better. Do you think your stomach is
n dumping scow, Mr. BowserP
lie staggered over and fell upon the
lounge with groan. l picked mp the
baby and galloped twice around the sit
ting room singing and laughing, when
Mr.. Bowser rose up and yelled:
Great cats are you insane! Didn't
l say had an awful headache.
Yes, but you mustn't upset the whole
house on that account. Mrs. Jackson
was over to invite us to come in this
evening and play whist, and told her
we'd come.
Whist! Mrs. Bowser, do you know
that | am awful sick.
Bosh! Only headachel Look at me
Mr.. Bowser!
lie groaned.
It's wonder that any of you men
live to be 80 years old. I'd like to see
a man--just one single specimen-who
knew how to take care of himself.
Won't you-you get wet cloth and
put it on my head? he entreated.
Yes, suppose I'll have to, but don't
let this happen again, Mr.. Bowser. You
must have known when you were filling
your stomach with that trash what the
result would be.
He thought l was done with him
when l tied towel around his head
but | wasn't.
Being as you have maliciously and
"hiiuiy SOhO W WOlh w DllhS vi lule
headache, which doesn't amount to
shucks, and being as the best remedy
for headache is quietness, | think I'll
take the baby and spend the evening at
mothers.
Great guns but you wouldn't do that
he gasped.
Mr.. Bowser don't be so soft You
will be all right in the morning.
But don't go; may want doctor.
don't know but I'm dying now.
| had him badly scared, and so decid.
ed to stay, but | wasn't through with
him yet. l went to the telephone and
rang up, and the following conversation
took place:
Is this DR.. Beeswax?
(Yes.)
Well, doctor, Mr.. Bowser is very bad
off Can you come upP
(Not before midnight.)
Then I'll try to save him that long
Mustardp All right, doctor. Onions!
Yes, we have some. All light, I'll do So
Good bye.
| made strong mustard plaster and
clapped il to the back of his neck, | got
big onion and told him to hold 1t to his
nose. Then played quickstep on the
piano, encouraged baby to pound on the
tin basin, and told the hired girl to leave
the kitchen door open and rattle on the
stove every three minutes. Mr.. Bowser
stood it for awhile and then plaintively
asked
Mrs. Bowser, do you want to kill me
Why, no.
You seem to be trying to Perhaps
you will be happier when lam under the
sod
might, but it isn't likely you will die
this time. You are getting to be great
BOBBY, Mr.. Bowser.
BOBBY | Can stand everything?
But this is only a headache.
Only Only "a
BE sank back aud gave up. He even
shed a tear or two. | got conscience.
-fricken then and put on more wet tow
els and more mustard and did not go to
bed until midnight. When Iawoke Mr..
BOwser stood before the glass investl-
eating the work of the mustard. The
whole back of his head and both ears
were blistered.
Mrs, Bowser, he said, as he saw that
was awake, let this be great example
for you.
How? ...
How? Wasn't | within an ace Of
deaths door? Didn't / put will power
against threatened sSolution and didn't
will power triumph? All II women
only had little grit and nerve
I've had a score of such attacks.
What2
Some of 'em twice as bad.
Mrs. Bowser, don't talk that way to
me No doubt you hoped l would die,
but Providence cares for some people. |
did not die stand here a living proof
of the power of mind over muscle. I'll
forgive you this time, but don't do it
again. Don't push me to the wall