The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-03-08
WIT AND HUMOR.

wood-pile has been stolen he Nigh
sing ssThe Lost Cord. ~ Nea0 Orleans
PicGyune.
The bakers talk of forming union.
1t will be sort of dough-nation.
Well, perhaps they knead it.-B'ng
hanaton Republican.
1t is calculated by careful Darwin
ian theorist that the fourth generation
in Minnesota will be born with fur on.
-Al6Gny Journal.
1t is one thing for person to know
a good thing when he sees it, and
another thing for him to seize good
thing when he knows it.-Burlssagton
Free Press.
You see the trouble with ''success
that is too dearly bought is that You
have got to go on associating witt
yourself after you have attaiued it
Rochester Union.
Nothing is so uncertain in life as the
condition of all investigated bank run
by imbecile directors and an OLD
.shonored and trusted" cashier
--Martha's FiHegard Herald.
A question that is attracting quite as
much attention in some localities just
now as the tariff is: ''Do all the
messenger boys come from Philadel
phia?"-Y Yonkers Statesman.
An amateur actor has been shot IL
Mississippi. We are not in favor oi
shooting amateur actors. lmprison-
ment for life is punishment severe
enough Norristown Herald.
..Charley, didn't you leave Miss
Smith rather suddenly the other even.
ingp' .'Well, yes. To tell the truth,
she was beginning to get tender and
got frightened. y Philadelphia Call.
In these days of reform it is strange
that nobody has suggested that juries
should furnish then own food
Certainly panel should be able te
supply its own board.-Bosto" Trans
crapt.
..As man grows older" remarked
Litescull, '.his brain shrinks and be-
comes smaller" Great land OF She.
Litescull!" exclaimed his friend; ''yor
don't mean to tell me you re 400 years
oldp Bardeue.
The people of Buffalo offer 800, 600
for successful plan for utilizing Nj
agara Falls. A great many hacSmeu
have discovered how to utilize the falls
without offering any snch big prize. :
PittsJurg Cltronicle.
A serious accident occurred in an
uptown house the other night by
a misplaced switch. The owners hus.
band stepped upon it and ran hairpir
into his foot to the depth of an inch
.NorriStoDn Herald
Boggs-"What in the world are you
4 nil 9O
e.sGoing to chop it up into frewooe
and save on the coal bill. find it pay,
to practice a little economy tnest
hard times. ."-Bn6aIo Drift.
A fashion picture shows that tn,
newspaper raid on the high-ha
nuisance has been so effective that TIN
newest fashion in female head-gear il
only about six inches higher thar
-N0rristoUn Herald.
Stranger (to boy)-Boy, can yol
direct me to the nearest bank? Boy
/ kin fer twemty-ti' cents. Stranger
Twenty-Five cents! Isn't that higi
pay? Boy-Yes. sir, but it's bank di
rectors what gets high pay.-NeU Yor'
: San.
Applicant-Please, ma'am. can yo'
help a poor man who is out of work
Woman-I guess | can find somethin:
for you to do. Applicant Gratefully
Thanks. If you could give me som
washing to do I'll take it home t.
my wife.-Epoch.
If young man is very anxious t
know what young woman reall,
thinks of him he can generally flint
out by questioning her little brother
5 but nine times out of ten such Il youns
man will wish afterward that he hadn't
-Sonleroitte Journal
..What is the Capital of Illinois?
asked a broker of mis- partner when b
could not recollect the address of cor,
" respondent to whom he was writing
81 forget, was the reply, ''but it's al
in bonds, and is listed at the exchange
PatS6urg Chronicle.
In the cleaning: He with emotion
Now, dearest, that you have accepted
my proposal, let us seal it with kiss
She, in a business tone-Whats the
use? Your bid has been accepted anG
there's no need of sealed proposals
Washington Critic.
Friend 0o widow mourning hel
third husband)-I sympathize deeply
with you. my dear Mrs. Hendricks
and was sorry not to be with you in
+. your hour of affiction. Widow (sadly)
All. my friend. you don't, know what il
is to lose husbands. Nesos.
A teacher of music in Ontario County
inserted her professional card in one oi
the county newspapers. 1t was seen
by an old lover in Chicago, who al
once hunted her up, explained his alb
sence of a quarter of century, and
married her. 1t pays to advertise
EtDlirG AdUertiser
There is common impression that
the fastest thing of which our senses
: take cognizance of is a flash of light
: ming. This is mistake, as ANYBODY
knows who has ever seen young man
with red neckte, spotted shirt.
: collar, and louded-striped $12 suit OF
clothes. ton Free Press.
Look here" said a man to a news.
paper writer. l think you ought to
stop printing nonsense about the de.
leterious effects of cigarettes. ''In-
deed! Do you think them harmlessp'
80. no; but such publications. hurt my
business. - ..Ahl What is your busi.
ness?' 'Tm an undertakes" Drift.
First American author-;Jack, ]
don't know how I'm to get my next
meal; but / suppose yon are in the
same fix" Second American author
'.No, my boy, I'm all right. plenty OF
3 money; how much do you wants Seer'
-'Great Cr9sus! Where did all that
cash come fromp" Il sandbagged my
publisher. ."-Omaha World.
= An astronomical article says: '.Mer-
curry which is seldom seen, is well
situated for observation during the
third week of this MONTH" People
whose thermometers have been useless
during the recent cold snap will be
glad to know that mercury will rise SO
as to be visible during the third week
of this month.-NoraOich Bulletin.
Miss Minnie Freeman. a Nebraska
school-teacher who saved the lives OF
thirteen children in a blizzard by tvine
them together so that they could moi
get separated, has received nine offers
of marriage on account of her bravery
For the first time our Eastern school.