Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1888-12-10
Minute men-dwarfs.


Notes for travelers-bank notes are the
best.
If ship arrives in port u second late
they dock her.
The confectioner is supposed to make
his candy over bon-bon fire.
The boy who undertook to ride horse
radish is now practicing on a saddle of
mutton.
1t was a woman who saw the first snake,
but since then the men have attended to
that sort of thing.
City man-Is this locality healthy? You
bet we are healthy. We've got ter be.
There amt doctor within forty miles"
Western man-Did you come out to
our country to settle? Eastern visitor
(testily)-No; that's what 1 left home
for.
Preceptress-Yes, can talk fuently in
seven different languages. Vassar girl
don't see how you can keep still min
ute.
The rapidity with which republican
office seekers are coming To the surface
will give the whole crop of mushrooms
headache.
A Maine horse fancier's daughter, Bet
sey by name, having reached a marriage
able age, her father wrote I'd an old friend
BETS offered, but no takers aS yet"
Before | became lecturer on the bad
effects of whiskey, | was filled with my
subject, said reformed drunkard; but
now | am only spiritually fun of it.
Things one would rather have left un-
said Mrs. Jones-Don't trouble to see
me to the door, Mrs. Smith. Mrs. Smith
No trouble; quite pleasure, l assure
you.
Mamma-Why, Frank, dear, what is
the matter? Did you have bad dream?
Frank Gin his crlb) -N-no. | d-dreamed
had big bag of candy, an w-waked
without eatin' it.
| They say that Bangor lawyer, noted
! for being absent minded, went up his
| own stairs the other day, and seeing a
notice on his door, Back at 2 O'clock"
sat down to wait for himself
Riches take unto themselves wings and
fly away" said the teacher. what kind
of riches is meant?" And the smart boy
at the foot of the class said he "reckoned
they must be ostriches."
Agent-So you want a pension, hey?
Applicant-That's what I'm here for.
Agent-You are a healthy looking fellow.
What's your disability? Applicant
caught cold in the draft of 1864.
Sunday school teacher-Now, children,
after Noah and his family entered the
ark, why were the rest of the people de-
stroyed?" Small boy-Cos they didn't
know enough to come in out of the rain. :"
A Boston boy was telling his father one
day of schoolmate's attempt to sing
"And time" said the 10 year-old in deep
disgust; "why, he didn't keep any better
time than a cow when a dogs running af-
ter her!"
Caller Ito Bobby)-I imagine, Bobby,
that the advent of your little sister must
have been a great surprise to you? Bobby
She couldn't have been very great
surprise ma'am; she only weighed six
pounds.
Magistrate Ito prisoner) You are
charged, sir, with beating your wife.
Prisoner-Yes, sab, an Use proud of it,
sah Magistrate-Proud of it? Prisoner
-Kase, sab, she weighs twenty poun's
mon me.
Loving Parent-Always bear in mind,
my son, the voice of the people Is the
voice of God-when our party wins.
Artless child-But suppose the other par
ty wins? L. P.-Then cry Fraud" as
loud as you can holler.
What is the price of that teay" she ask
ed of the guleless grocer. "One dollar
narf, marm,' was the response. lis not
that pretty steep?" was the next question,
and guileless grocer replied Eyes, marin,
that's what they do with it,
A lady stood hanging on the top OF
street car, when workman in the Tar
corner arose and politely offered her a
seat. 81 thank you she said in very
sweet tone, ''but dislike to deprive the
only gentleman in the car of a seat.