The Portland daily press., 1888-12-21
WIT AND WISDOM.


Kajones-Hello, De jenkins! Come over here
and take this seat with me. haven't seen you
for long time. I've just been looking over the
Daily Sensation. These headlines are positively
aDominable! They are unfit for respectable
De Jenkins-They are horrible.
ka1ones-Too bad to talk about aren't they?
by the way, De jenkins, what are you doing for
De Misunderstanding headlines for the Daily
Sensation!
OUR GIRLS.
Kiuy is witty.
Nettie is pretty,
Lutte is cute and SMALL
Irene is queen,
Annette is pet
Nell is the belle of the ball;
Diantha is wealty,
Bertha is healthy
And health is the best of ALL
Perfect health keeps her rosy and radiant, beau
tiful and blooming, sensible and sweet 1t is Sc
cured by wholesome habits and the use of DIR
Pierces Favorite Prescription. Bertha takes it,
and she also "takes the cake" The only guar
dnteed cure for those distressing ailments peculiar
TO women satisfaction or your money returned.
For Constipation or Sick Headache, use DR..
Pierce's Pellets; Purely Vegetable One dose.
Ayoung man worth 81, 900, 900 advertised for
wife ''tust for frn." He received several hundred
replies, the writer's signing their front names
Sadie, Hattie, Maggie, Matte. Minnie, Mamie,
Nellie, Nettle, Jennie and other specimens Of
ception, however. One OF the correspondents
simply signed Sarah" and he concluded that she
must be so much more sensible than the others
lhat he answered her letter and-"and so they
were married."
The moral is obvious.
what's the matter, Tommie?" "Papa, my
po-po-pony has cu-cu-cut his foot" "Pshawi
uoh iret, papa has got bottle OF Salvation OIL "
This is the month when those troubled with a
cough should go for DR.. Bulbs Cough Syrup.
Mrs. Murray-Celeste, what is Master Harold
crying for?
Celeste-I happened to say. madam, that lived
with little boy who had hundred aud four
presents one Christmas.
Mis-. M.-Well?
Celeste-why, then, he insiste upon counting
MS ana ne has been kicking and crying ever
since lecause he has but 80.
Mrs. M.-There, Harold, dear, you shall have
some more II you want them. Celeste, should
think you could get on peaceably with the little
CHOW 10 DAY OF all days.
a woman who Is weak, nervous and
sleepless, and who has cold hands and feet can
not feel and act like well person. Carter's Iron
rills equalize the circulation, remove nervous
ness and give strength and rest
Yes, you bet marriage is a failurer he said,
as be came out of saloon wping his chin. Here's
my own case to prove it."
"Dou't you live happily?" asked one Of hfs
crowd.
"Why9n
Because have only SO week to run on. NV
W WI, earns 50, but she won't give up but So and
I'VE got To squeeze along on that while some
other husbands have SIS Yes, marriage is =
dead fiat failure. None Of us husbands are loved
anu supported as we onRht 10 be-"
A mans wife should always be the
same, especially to her husband but if she is
weak and nervous, and uses Carter's Iron Pills,
she cannot be, for they make her 'sfeel like
dinereDt person." so they all say, and their hus-
bands say so tool
An Alabama man. charged with stealing calf,
made the following statement:
Il was always teached TO be honest, an most
always have been, but when seed that calf /
caved l never wanted calf so bad in ali INV
lag, IN you az Know that when man wants a
The jury returned the following verdict:
we, the Jury, air satisfied that Steve stold the
cali, but, as the Teller that owned the animal il
considerable OF a slouch we agree to clear Sieve
an make the SLOUGH pay the costs"
When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria,
When she was Child, she cried Tor castoria,
When she became Miss, she chung to castoria,
When she had Children, she gave them Castoria,
"Keep away from that" said restaurant keep
70
newly arrived box of turtles holding his finger In
evident pain. "What are you doing here, any
how?p
II wor investigating"
Investigating what?"
81 wor trying to see which was the head and |
which wor the tail NV the haste over there in the
corner Nv the box"
"What 90 you want to know that for?"
"Pve curiosity to know whether I've seen bis /