Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-02-02
Highway Biography.
"If you prick us, do VIC not bleedp

80 .
"If you prick us, do VIC not bleedp
Not long ago l wrote an article on
political economy. and few days after
I woke up to find myself famous.
Chateaubriand has described my feel.
ings in describing his own. after tho
success of "Le Genie du Cristianisme"
had launched him into the clouds. I
was intox Gated.
How fair the world became all at
once! Human nature wasn't so bad.
after all. l forgave my enemies and
adored nv friends. | sent a chicken
to our washwoman. and subscribed to
half dozen charities; / gave 10 cents
to an organ grinder; / ate bad dinner
with smile. and digested it without
groan; brought homo bouquet to my
wife. the first since our honeymoon,
and asked her If she had dresses
enough; 1 promised her that 1 would
never smoke another cigar as long as l
lived.
In fine. Il was in fair way to become
perennial fountain of sweetness and
boneficencc to all about me.
Prepared for criticism, forgave it
In anticipation. l did more than for
give, excused it; did more than ex-
cr,se, justified it Everybody could
not be expected to think as did. Some
subjects are faceted like a brilliant.cut
diamond. and my critic might very
sincerely and properly be describing
some phase visible to him, but which
had not yet studied.
became sublime, and consciously so.
To he conscious that one is sublime is
the height of bliss.
During twenty-four hours 1 foated
ut this height.
The second morning three letters
were handed me. | opened them with
smile of profound anticipated con-
tentment.
This was the gist of the three, differ
emily expressed, but substantially the
same:
You are requested to answer at
once the following questions
Where were you born. and when
month. year and day?
"Who was your fatherp
"Who was your mother?
"Were they married or singlep
Are you married or single?
"lf married, what was your wife's
maiden name. and her fathers Chris
tian name?
Have you any childrcnp
If you have, what are their names
and ages?
What have you written for the
press? by whom published? and over
what signature?
"What are you writing nowp what
do You propose writing in the futureP
and for whom?
do your publishers pay You any
thing? and if so, how much?
where were you educated, If at
all?
What is your income, if you have
any? What is your postoflice address?
Do YOU 90 out of town summers. or do
you board up the front door and live
In the back rooms?
How tall are you? What is your
complexion, build and temperament?
"What are your habits while writing?
"Do you rte best by day or by
nighlP
"Do you write just so much dag,
or do you wait for insplrationP Do you
use Stimulants while writing?
What sort Of pen. ink and paper do
you useP'
This was not ALL but it may suffice.
! hurried to my wife's chamber with
these letters in my hand.
"Bc calm, my dcarr' l said, the mo-
ment got the door open. ut is some
mistake. All will come right. Only
don't weep for that would unman
me!
Mrs. Jones shrek ed. What is it?
What HIS harpened? Have you eaten
that piece of cheese with the Rats
farewell on it9 Oh! oh! will get some
black coffee as soon as possible! / will
bring the white OF an egg! Betty shall
60 for the doctor"
l explained as we'll as could hold
ing my wife tightly. with my hand
over her mouth. at is not poison my
dear. 1t is some police business. Some
other man of the name of Jones has
probably profited by my reputation to
publish an actionable article about
somebody. Here! real for yourself"
Igave her tho letters, and she read
them. at first with perplexity, then
with sudden illumination.
why, you great goose!' she ex.
claimed. ITS because you are cele-
brated. People want to know all
about you. Oar house VII be pointed
out. We shall be pointed out; and
they will describe my bounets and
gowns"
felt my jaw drop.
but they ask how old I am" said.
after having read the letters carefully
over again. "And they don't apollo
gizc. You don't ask PERSONS age
without some sort of polite grimace. if
you have the face to ask it at ALL That
was established before we were born.
And do you see They threaten metz
[ read out passage which plainly
informed me that il | did not give the
information asked, it would be sought
elsewhere, and might not be such as l
would like to see in print
"Of course" said my W fe, complac.
emily. The public insists on knowing
about you; and the men have no choice
It's like the Prime Dome with young
men dragging their carriage home
from the opera; or President Just
elected called out into the balcony to
make speech
ut is very high-handed proceed
Ing" / said. becoming stiff.
''But. Mr. Jones'" my wife insisted.