The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-09-14
BRIGHT BITS

UNLIMITED CAKE AND PIE.-Bobby was admir-
ing the fat boy at the dime museum.
Mamma" he said, what a kind mother ne
must have!N-Ltfe
THE ocean is immeasurably grand to look at
in It's majestic moods, but the subllmity ceases
the minute you attempt to swallow IL by the
mouthful. --.ddt Hd's Vineyard Herald.
COLLEGE PROFESSOR Barnes, can you
give me definition Of a philosopher?
Mr.. Barnes a fresnman)-A philosopher is
fellow who is being continually sat down on by
everybody. -Judge.
BRAINS will tell, said talkative dude TO an
old gent
Yes" was the reply; some kinds will, but
the genuine article knows how to keep its mouth
shut. ~ dShtagt0a cratic.
MISS ETHEL-Did you have a pleasant time at
the Wabash party last night Clara?
Miss Claia-Not very Ethel; wasn't feeling
at all like my usual self. | danced but four
times, and only went into supper once, Epoch.
POSTWAR (at the front door)-1Iadam, there is
certainly q fire in your cellar. Smoke is pour
ing through the grating.
Madam tfrightened)-O. dear. Fire! Fire
o, what shall / do: Have you any letters for
me?-Ifme.
AT the BROOKLYN Jockey Club track finishes
are henceforth to be instantaneously photo
graphed to avoid mistakes. The next improve
nlsnt Will be to have bets .nstaltane Dusty paid
before the shareholders can leave the quarter
StttLtu-ANttJ OitFtt'to 1 tStsB tt'tt'
Two OF A KIND.-Buyer-H much are these
trousers, Mr.. SolomODs?
Mr. S.-Vel. meln freund, We are yust gvin'
dose pants away.
Buyer (effusivelyl- Thanks thanks, I'll take
this pair, Exit rapidly with trousers. Life.
"wHAT is that quotation from Shakespeare, "
asked Mrs. Aliaioae, "a man may smile
smile and be l!lling', suggested her hus band
who was himself not above wreathing his lips
while he bent the pregnant hinges of the elbow
Aud She said it sounded something like that -
Bardette.
btPEcus1ous BoARDER-I have eaten too
hearty dinner What do you think would re-
lieve me?
Landlord-Take walk.
Imbecunious Boarder-A walk aw-about
how long walk?
Landlord-Say about 765 miles due west That
will relieve you-and me, too.-Puck
AUGUSTUS De CARLYLE-Ah, good evening,
Miss Emma, is your siSter-ah she's singing in
the parlor. How delightfully."- she renders that
be Iutifu little moroccan of Pinsuti's! / wonder
what key she is singing in?
Emma What key? OIL Snow-she's expecting
Fred Dem rest. and mamma says she on the qLi
Uire. Exit Augustus. -SDrinQteld Union.
NO" said Hodkin, when a typewriter girl
applied to him for a position II cannot employ
you in my office; but, my dear young friend, is
1t not home you are IN search of? am a
widower and"
stop, lbeg of you, said the beautiful young
typewTltst, in a sad. Icgretful voice. 81 am
already married-to b 'n.lrupt. can only be
assister to you."-Ner ftIUen NetCs.
CALLER see that the house next door is
closed, Mrs Hobson Have your neighbors
gone to the country!
Mrs. Hobson-Oh, | haven't the faintest idea.
| never give n thought to my neighbors; but
imagine so. An express wagon called yester-
day and took away four trunks, two packing
boxes, seven satchels and a baby carriage, and
it was the shabbiest lot of luggage | ever saw
Time.