Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1888-09-09
QUEER BLUNDERS.
PUTTING rHR FOOT IN IT, ILLUSTRATED.
Curious Instances Of UnintsntOnally InapprUpriat
Rsmaks-Specimsns from Wriisrs, Lecturers
Advertisers and Foreigners.
Chambers journal.

Chambers Journal.
81 never open my mouth but ! put my
foot in it." was the curious complaint Of
some unlucky wight, who might have re,
ceiyed consolation had he reflected on the
number Of offenders that daily keep him
company. The gusrdsmsn's remark to
the Euglish noblemsn who was in the
habit of affsbly conversing with soldiers,
81 like You, my lord; there's nothing Of
the gentleman about you," offers an
example of the kind. How many
deatbs?" asked a hospital physi-
clan. mine" why, I ordered medi,
cine for ten" 'Yes; bat one would not
take it," was the startling reply. Hello!
where are You going at this time of night?''
said q gentleman to his servant. "You
are after no good, I'll warrant" please,
sir, mistress sent me for you, sir" was the
response. A gentleman said to the waiter
of his club: michael, if / should die
would you attend my funeral?" will
ingly, SIR" was the hasty answer. well,
Michael, that isn't very complimentary. y
mo, sir, didn't name that, sir; / wouldn't
be seen there, sir" was the walters CON
solatory reply.
A child may be expected to put his OIL
her needless little foot in it, "a the phrase
goes. For instance, youngster one day
begged an invitation to dinner at the
house of little friend with whom he had
been playing. At the table his hostess
anxiously inquired: 'Charley, can you
cut your own meat?' "Humph," said
the youngster, who was saving away,
can't I? I've cut up quite as tough
meat as this at home" People who are
destitute of tact might take warning from
such Juvenile mslaprops, but such does not
often appear to be the case, Judging by the
numerous examples to the contrary.
A millionaire railway king has broth
er, who is hard of hearing, while he him
self is remarkable for having very prom
inent nose. Once this railway king dined
at friends house, where he sat between
two young ladies, who talked to him very
loudly, rather to his annoyance, but he
said nothing Finally one of them shouted
a commonplace remark and then said in an
ordinary tone to the other: Ibid you
ever see such nose In all
YOUR lift?" pardon me, ladies'" said
the millionaire, sit is my brother
who is deafw We can imagine the horror
Of the lady who INDUCED in such personal
remarks, yet she was no more awkwardly
placed than the hero Of the following:
When dining at a certain castle MIR.
T., after the ladies retired, remarked
20 gentleman present that the lady who
mad sat on his right was the ugliest woman
he had ever seen. 81 am sorry to hear, !"
said the gentleman, that you think my
wife so Unlocking" "Oh, no, sir; / meant
the lady who sat on my left; / made mis-
take" "Well, cir, she is my sister"
Abiding to newspapers it may be re-
marked that advertisers and uDpracticed
writers therein through ambiguity of
words and phrases often commit absurdi-
ties that may be touched on as further IL
Illustrating our subject. A country paper
once related how, during the celebration,
a child was run over wearing short red
dress, which never spoke afterward." In
the description of the doings Of mad dog
it ia said that "he bit horse on the leg
which has since died" An account Of a
funeral says: "The remains were COM
mitted to that bourne from which no tray-
eler returns attended by his friends"
1t is not surprising that foreigners some
times fail to catch all the shades of mean
ing belonging to our words. A French
man translated Shskespesre's line, "Out,
brief candle" by Get short candle"
And the expression, with my sword l
will carve my way to fortune" was rem
dered. with my sword will make my
fortune cutting meat"
Advertisers often give US amusing spsci-
mems of composition, of which this is an
example: Lost bya poor lad tied up in
a brown paper with white string Ger.
man flute with an overcost on and several
other articles of wearing apparel" A
miller attempted to testify TO the merits
of powder for destroying vermin by say
ing, "a fortnight ago was full of rats,
and now don't think have one"
Examples more of the bull" genus al
80 come under the title of this paper as
cases in point. For instance, newspaper
was running a serial story called TIE
Truth" One week, so much space being
devoted to other matters, the editor was
unable to continue the story, 30 made tie
following announcement, containing, per
haps, more truth than any other item In
the paper: "'The Truth was crowded
ont Of this issue on account Of the press oil
more important matter"
A bashful gentleman who visited o
school KEEP. by young lady was asked by
the teacher to say few words to the pu
pills This was his speech Scholars,
hope you will always love your school and
your teacher as much az do" A tableau
of giggling pupils and blushing teacher
sttested the effectiveness of his words.
The lecturer put his foot in 1t as thor
oughly when he prefaced his discourse
upou the rhinocerous with, II must beg
you to give me your individual attention
indeed, it is absolutely impossible that you
could form true idea of the hideous ami
NAL of which we are about to speak, unless
you keep your eyes fixed on me-" A GER
tain preacher, discoursing upon Bun
yam and his works, caused tit
ter among bis hearers by exclaim
ing: "In these days, my breth'
rem, we want more bunyans." Another
clergyman pleading earnestly with hi;
pensioners for the construction of GENE
terry for their parish, asked them to con-
slider the ''deplorable condition of thirty
thousand Christian burial" Still NOR.
curious was the clerical slip with which
we conclude. A gentleman said to the
minister: "When do you expect to set
Deacon s. agaip2" Never" said The
reverend gentleman solemnly; 1.-THE deacon
is II heaven"
Hay Fever.
have suffered greatly from periodical