Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1888-11-22
POINTS OF HuNOR.

POINTS OF HUNOR
NEBUCHADNEzzAR was the first grass-
widower.
The first boy-cot-Cain's little bed
Ne,r York Journal.
EVERY dude has a head light
Duluth Paragrapher.
Az Irish philosopher says the best
pumpkin pie is made out of squash.->
Puck.
The Bagging Trust.-A dudes faith
that his trousers will not bulge at the
knees.
IT makes man hopping mad to step
On hot stove-lid. Washington
Critic.
AND how is your little brother
George, Flossie?7 Hes dead, thank
you. "-Harpe,'s Bazar.
THERE is considerable difference be-
tween q football and the ball of ones
foot.-Rochester Post-E,press
THE left bower-the man who isn't
recognized by the lady to whom he lifts
his hat.-BurlingtOn Free Press.
| "A ECDLiC HAS pIlNalt snap
when there is Yale lock on the door.
Pittsburgh Chronicle Telegraph.
IT is said that mine in Colorado is
called "The Pot" because it was opened
by two Jacks.-Pittsbur9h Chronicle
Telegraph.
CAIN was the first base man. Abel
was the first man struck out, after he
had Just made sacrifice hit.-Te,Te
Haute Express.
The man whose head is not evenly
balanced is most particular about part
ing his hair in the middle.-Neu Or
leans Picayune.
Ii st. Louis, latter the wedding.)
He-And now tell me, darling, why did
you weep when we approached the holy
alter? She-Love, l lost my chewing
gum as We walked up the aisle.-Togn
Topics.
SCHULTZ-What was going on over at
your house last night? 1t sounded like
an earthquake. Miller-O, nothing at
all: it was a mere trifie, in fact. My
wife asked why came home so late
Teras SUtings.
The Boston Transcript has an ac-
count of a Black Rain" Such thing
may be a novelty in this country, but in
Africa, where there are negro kings,
black reigns are numerous
Chronicle Telegraph.
HELLO, Skinny! haven't seen you
for three or four months" NO; I've
been spending the season at Newport.
.pafk1. op,,11
afford to do it?" Easy enough. Twas
a waiter. "-Saturday Gazette.
Il JUST paid - for rare cent" re-
marked a coin collector to the snake
editor. That's nothing" was the re-
ply. Il had a perfume bottle filled for
my wife yesterday and it cost 1915.
That scent cost more than yours. =
Pittsburgh Dispatch.
A VAIN mans motto is, win gold
and wear it," generous mans, swim
gold and share it," a miser's, win gold
and spare it," brokers', win gold and
lend it, FOOLS. win gold and end
it," gamblers win gold and lose it,
and wise mans, win gold and use
it."
FIRST TRAMP-Weli, Jerry, how are
they comm? Second Tramp-Purty
rocky, Bill, purity rocky. But / was
worth $4,000 for about six hours last
week. First Tramp-How was that,
Jerry? Second Tramp Couple of jay
constables thought L was Tascott.-
Te're Haote Express.
PERISH the Thought Mrs. Pelting-
lar-I only repeat, Mr.. Blande, what
she said: and, of course, 1 know one
must not give entire credence to every
thing she says. Mr.. Blande-Oh, my
dear madam, 1 felt quite sure you did
not believe word of the scandalous
story-all the time you were telling it.
Fun.
, A MAN who dwells on failure with
discomfort condemns himself. of little |
ness. We cannot be MASTER of our
selves till our sovereignty has been |
challenged and proved. The salutary
shock comes on this side and that, and |
the courageous sufferer is taught the |
wealth of his resources.
SUNpAY-sCHooL TEACHER-Now, chill |
dren, that the lesson is ended, you may
ask any questions you like. and 1 will
Wy W tuSNeT tuti 10 tueIt any tNlilS
you want to know. Willie? "Yes,
nla'am." "What is it," (Which club |
do yer think winned der game at der |
park terday?" -Lincole Journal.
CooK-Please, mum, the boarders |
complain that breakfast is so late an |
supper so early that the meals come too
close together, and they don't have no
appetite. Mrs. Slimdiet-Well, Jane,
I'm willing to do anything to please my
guests, except change the hours of |
meals. Them is the rules of the house.
But there's no use maxim folks sick |
SEEM things they don't want. Just |
cook little less. Philadelphia
Record.
Above RACE.
We ran a race up Duncan's hill.
The wager was kiss:
She ran her bes,. ] did the same,
For fear that l should miss
reached the top wi soople stride
Afore Meg got half why,
But what think ye O woman's wiles-
The jade she wadna pay.
Ae NIGHT inst three weeks after that,
I tauld her o the debt;
Quo ], My lass, yed better pay,
For fear We should forget
At was nc kiss at first, ye ken;
Interest makes it twa."
Quo she Gin that's the way We coont.
Ye'd better take them a.
taen her AT her word, of course,
Sac tae the kirk gaed.
II was ma long, or hard tue dae.
Twa hearts in one were made.
Ain sylie. aft hae cad tae mind
That day the race was run,
An, lash. We mamma tell her OF
L L