St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1888-09-27
THE ~oPEN-wINDOw FIEND
On Railway Cars-VariOus Ways to Sup
press Him, With Sundry Observations
ON the Duties OF Railway Companies.

A Few weeks ago we were ITdF6ilnS
from Washington to Philadelphia. The
day was fine the weather was warn
and dry. The car in which we rode
was a common, elegant, first-class pas.
senger car of the Pennsylvania road
At Baltimore a woman came in will
an unusual piece of luggage. 1t wa:
not a handbook, b~ird-cage, shawl STRAP
nor a baby it was a huge pair of bel
lows. She took a seat two or three
ranks in front of us, attached the bel
lows to the back of the seat before hel
and uncovered the nozzle, which was
at least IL inches in diameter, as if il
had been the shooting end of a phOtOg-
rapher's camera fnd she was about tC
take her own photograph. AS soon al
the train started, the bellows began tC
blow. 1t appeared at first that they
might have been operated by a treadle
like a parlOr organ or a sewing-ma.
chine, but we noticed that the faster
the train moved, the more violent was
the rush of air and the louder was the
accompanying noise, which closely re-
sembled that of the train itself, n we
came to the conclusion that it vas at
tached to the axle of the car by some
sort of crank.
For a time the Oma sat bolt up
right in front of the cIrrent, the We
locity of which was from 1000 to 5000
feet a minute, taking it fairly in heI
face. Her bonnet must have been riv-
eted to the top of her head, or it would
have gone flying through the car, like
a dry leaf in a whirlwind. OF course
her "bangs," her ribbons and every
thing of that sort appertaining to heI
personal adOrnment were blown high
er than a kite. The air that came from
the bellows was evidently drawn from
the outside of the car, for it was charg-
ed with the dust and dirt that are al
ways stirred up by a rushing train.
SCOT stains began to streak the snowy
neck of the owner of the instrument
cinders, hot and cold, lodged in hel
ears and in the folds of her muslins,
and as the dust deepened the shadows
around her eyes and defined more
sharply the incipient wrinkles OIL her
face, she seemed to grow old almost as
rapidly as Mr.. Haggard's horrible
"She." Presently she moved to the in
side of the seat next the aisle and al
lowed the blast to have free course
back through the car. Her fellow
travellers began to draw up their wraps
and adjust their head gear and tie
handkerchiefs about their thrOats.
The invalid who sat behind her was
seized with a fit of coughing that prom
ised to end in a hemorrhage two old
men sitting opposite and farther back
sneezed till the tops of their bald
heads nearly came off, and a sick baby
I'll at had just gone to sleep in its
mothers arms, reused by the cold
blast and the shower of cinders, lifted
up its voice like a continuing cherub.
Meanwhile, the author and controller
of the bellows gla -cad complacently
around and behind her, remarked to
herself that this is a free country, and
evide ltly enjo, ed the commotion that
was produced by her lively atmOspher-
ic apparatus.
Fortunately there were a couple OF
English noblemea, earls or dukes, in
the car. AS everybody knows, al
though the most amiable people on the
face of the earth, Englishmen will new
er allow the nselves to be trOdden un.
der foot and dragged in the dirt by to
tai strangers. These gentlemen were
apparently unfamiliar with our free
tuu eEbClOuS IHduutIS anu CuStOIlS.
and while they had watched this pas
senger and her extraordinary piece o.
luggage with great interest from the
time she entered the coach, they had
expressed neither surprise nor dlsap
prevail. But when she sat aside to get
out of the range of her own Internal
continuance, and it became clear tx
them that she deliberately intended tt
insult and injure all the rest of thu
passengers, themselves included, the,
arose in their native dignity ant
wrath, walked forward to her seat, ant
just as we were crossing the long
bridge over the Susquehanna river
opened the window and tossed her ant
her bellows into it's placid bosom
where they sank to rise no lore.
observations: The open-windOv
fiend* may be treated in various ways
Nine times out of ten a sweet smil,
and a polite request that the occupan
of the infected seat will "please Close
the window after a few moments an,
until the next stop on account of TIN
troublesome DUST" will be effective
because in the civilized parts of th,
country nine-tenths of the people whom
one meets travelling are either genuine
ly well-bred or wish to appear so, AM
no well-bred person will d~eliberatel.
annoy another, unless driven by
amt of tact or of courtesy into an of
fensive attitude,-nOr even then If b
stops to think. But sweet smiling ism
a universal accomplishment, and the
there are the incorrigibles who com
pose the remaining tie ith, and VIII
n,ncE no t,onfnl oaonr1inn tn nIrann1
stances. A newspaper is on
of the simplest means of defense /; on
may sit behind an open window, and
by holding his paper in front of hir
in the right position he will not Onl
escape the violence of the blast, bu
will enjoy the serene satisfaction c
turning that and the incoming Shove
of sand and dirt squarely down tn
back and into the ears of the perso
who is popularity supposed to have a
~inalienable right to open the windO'
nearest him when he pleases; a suppO
sition as absurd as it would be for tn
passengers to claim the right to man
age the heating and lighting of the ca
and to regulate the speed of the trair
An O%vercOat, buster, or other QUITE
garment is eve more effective tina
the paper. This method may be reck
oned offensive as we'll as defensive, be
cause it harnesses the enemy while
defeats his measures. 1t is also liabl
to harass the people cross the aisle
Then there is open the privilege
changing ones seat if another can /
found, and of appealing to the col
} ductOr, the brakeman, or the porte
who will sometimes exercise his vi
doubted right to control the car and a
that belongs to it in his own way fC
the general comfort and welfare of a
the passengers, sometimes, but NJ
always. On the whole the Englis