Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1888-10-21
MIDNIGHT BURGLAR.
soYs INTERESTING STORIES ABOUT Hin.
Women Who Wrap Themselves in Horrible Sus.
picions-Nsw Karisd Couples and As Seas
One isrcs Ppvlr Caught
Rpti., IN Q rssasd Us'os.

Psptics n O. reidad Uaoa.
The tendency in the average woman to |
look under the b ID fer Burglars apr ems to |
have be.n inherited from the very texin- |
ing Of time itself. II would b safs to
r,ffls on it that Mother Eve got down on
her hands and knees, peeped auxious'y ON
der tie bed and aw. ks Adam out Of .
sound sleep 10 make him 70 down stairs
and q 9 whether the shed door was prop |
erly fastened, upon her very frst night
on eirth. This pssticular pbase Of fe-
male nature Is always . ntrse i'm.
tatirg revelation 10 tie nswly-mAnhd
msn. A nesly married eo1ple recently
moved lot, the height orhood Of which /
am o resident for few minute, each
vesks. For tbs frst few evenings they
sat ON Il porch and gsz d ut tie mto',
while great waves Of delight washed over
thsm and big thrills o; love cIptred up
and down their spiues. Bat after while
the nature Of the bride began to assume
It's normal condition agsio, a,d one night
be, husband found her glaiiug cautioa sly
under the bed. He fmiled bIo'd'y, but
that was because he didn't real Is what
was in store TO- him. She bad huriisdly
craHled into bed. when the wiad slamne
O loose blind shut This caused
her to pull the sheets over her bangs and
tremhls 90 violently Is to shake two STATS
out of the bed and cluse ssciion Of plss.
tering to drop from the citing. Thsn the
rusty hinge on the blind gave . slight
squeak, aud feminine voice, hoarse with
horror, remarked in Q stage whisper,
"Now, Oh ri, y, do believe that out.ide
kitchen door Is unlocked. ! wish you'd
20 aud ses." Then Charley got mp and
danced sronud Ga tie cold kitchen n 'or
in his bars fee, and fading the
door carefully licked, bol.ei and bar
r'c,ded, he sprained every toe on his
right foot By jimming it mp against the
leg of the kitchen table, ard hoped back
into the room with his foot in his hand and
cuss words in his mouth. He prepared to
retire again when the voice groaned out:
ID, 20 and try tina. ii set window. be-
lieve In my heart that catch don't work
right" He finally cr,wlsd into oed, and
Just ~ he was dezing of hs realized that
oue one was trying to shake his arm ont
of its socket. He awoke with start. A
smotbered whisper csme out somewhere
from beneath the bedclothes Hist! Do
You hear thst nci#p / koew tbers was
some oas ia the Rouse! o., dear! Oh,
dearw Sure enough there was slight
scratching sound. By thi, time he was
mad He sailed firth. kicked the cat 50
enth usiastically that she struck the cell
ing and bounded against all four walls Of
the shed, tefjre rescaipg the door. and
after slamming the door hard enough TO
make the neighbors apx'oas'y inquire Of
each other mkt morning where the earth.
quake was, he oncs more got into bed and
pulled the quilts over his side. This pro-
gramme-with such variations As the
archi lecture of the house aud the srvous
excitsbility Of tie female inmates sug.
gssted, was performed with such
exaspersting regularity that the new
head Of the household felt that 1t
wouli b, positively peasant lie.
lief to awake some night and fnd
the wi ole toue foil cf burglars. II lie o
curious scientific fact, however, that .
woman never lie, 30 quie! and sleep, 90
s,und at sny time, "a she does when the
burglars ave actually burgling aud the
touss IL fairly Over-run with midnight
marauders Orasi,nslly, no Fever, the
fem ale head Of tic houtcIold does assume
the cbarac teristics Of q bona fde burglar
alarm. A few night, ago the EDITOR Of the
Union was sleeping the sleep Of the iuno-
cent, and roaming sweet drenms Of angels
and a raise Of salary, until the sm LIS ar d
dmples chasei eech other around his am.
ole mouth and over his classic bu. some
what shop-wo7n features. Suddenly he
swoke TO find pair Of eyes, surrounded
by a pale, horror-stricken couu'enance,
hanging over him. A careful eI-
Iminat on disclosed the fac. that the IA &c
was the property of his better hall. who
was fitting holt uprisht. ''Listen!" she
wbi'pered. He did 30. Footsteps could he
di ,tin,tly heard ous'd, the hou tisn q
rsspiug some at the back door. BURG
lars" she said 10 ho'l>w viii, pr end
her hair rose on end till the strings of her
piaht cap gavs way, aud that intsra ting
article Of head gear went up six iache, from
her h ,ad. The rO'ses cO1'iaued until II
sesmed that every door knob Ia tn, house
was rafting. The Glitter Is not efs nerso1 il
di position, but whel the stuff x Of tn,
bsir mattress began TO more about unsssily
ani even the hirstu'c cave ing Of
his hrit trunk began TO rise on
end, he knew something was wrong
Wrapping loose flowing g'rment OF the
night about him, lie grabbed a pstett six
harr.lled, telfcocking stove poker and
sauntered forth to investigate. Through
the crack Of the door he could plainly see
the form Of q man Masking his way Il bni-
ously through the kitchen window. Con.
trolling sudden yssrninR 20 g,llop ont
into the street and yell "PoIice!" and
Murder" at the tip OF his luugs. be
r, turned to his chamber 10 think mat
ters over. At first he thought he wnuld
shoot the burglsr full of large 4sc.I b-e
holes, bu. the fear that he might de-
sire to bleed more or ks,, which would
MUS up the freshly scrubbed kitchen
floor, restrained him. When he looked
sg,in the man had crawled hallway
through the widow. Then the editor
reached GU b'ti hands 10 the midr yht
visitor in much the same impulsive IN m
uer as he once rssched for . croas-eyed
c,mpositor WHO bad SIT the editorial line.
"Ths dTms ste money msrte e., ;" 70 that Il
appeared o. The domestic montey mI.
xet." Grabbing the late caller by Tire
bead he pr d him IL to the room. There
va, hoats, shout. and the NIX! moment,
without any preliminary worf, and upon
such appirert slight scqu .intance,
tie editor and his visitor bgsp
polsking wildly over Oh .iIs and
table, in each otte-'s embrace. De
moment the sir wou'd be full % howl.
Jog burglar. and The next moment the edi
tor q b,re leg, wouId q, gyrs'ipg through
spae. While the m,jor portion Of the
female members Sod ao md and screeched
In unifoa. the hired girl finally succseded
In knocking bin down with tbs coal
shov,l Sssting himself on Oh, stomach Of
his PROSTATE prbooer, the editor b-ssn
yelling himself hoarss for . rops With
WHICH 70 bind the supposed burglar, when
the latter capped out, ''5,y. this iss-
of way 10 treat your wif-'s old uncle a.
ter few days visit, jutt because he lost
his night Key sni tried 70 get in the house
without waking you, amt ~"
Each Melon Contained . F1aSh.