News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-04-12
WHAT SHE ACTUALLY KNxT.

Maryland farm, 'tyou are always talking
about nice country milk, and how much
better and richer it is than the milk you
get in the city; but I think you ore
mistaken"
~ don't think 1 am,' replied the
mother
! "Well, know you are, for they used
| to water the COWS twice every day while
[ was at Aunt AIMS"
! The poor mother went upstairs and
shed few scalding tears Washington
Critic.
A FELLOW FEELING.
Burglar-If you make n move you're
dead man. Tell me where your wealth
"Wealth2 I haven't cent"
"You lie. I know that you drew $500
out of the bank yesterday"
Yes, but went to church fair last
evening""
"Is,that so? Well, here's $40 I can
let you have to help you out. ."-Nebraska
State Journal.
DREADFULLY SAD.
"What can be more depressing than o
terrible dream"
81 will tell you what is more depress-
ing. Is to have pleasant, delightful
dream and wake up to find that it is
nothing but a dream"
"Have you ever been there ?"
"Just the other night. I'll never
forget the anguish that felt when
woke"
"What did you dream ?"
"That my room rent was paid month
in advance. '-Ne6raska State Journal.
'AND BEAUTY DRAWS Us WITH SINGLE
HAIR"
Brown never can never make up his
mind-a chronic hesitator, i'll fact.
'He's good fellow" said friend Of
his the other day, "but he always waits
so long that instead of taking the bull
by the horns he's lu cly if he gets hold
Of the last hair in his tail. ."-Judge.
HIS SECRET.
LADY, like your pictures 50 much,
and [ would dearly love to be an artist.
Won't you tell me the secret how to do
it?
Artist-Most willingly, madam. You
have only to select the right colors and
put them on the right place.
ooh, thanks, awfully. I shall go
home now and commence right away"
USELESS NEIGHBoRs.
Mrs. Gossip-Ts that house alongside
of you empty yet?
Mrs. Gabb-No: q family moved in
last week.
"Nice folks ?"
'.Nice2 They're the trashiest kind
of people; live from hand to mouth;
buy things by the cent, L guess"
"La me!'
'"True as I'm sitting here. I've sent
in a dozen times to borrow things, and
they was out of 'em every time. "-Omaha
World.
THE SAFE SIDE.
Little Dot-I don't like to help wipe
dishes.
Omaha Mamma-Why not, PETE
eff I learn how to do such things Just
right, I'll grow up into a servant girl.
'.No, dear If you learn now to 90
anything just right you'll never be a
servant girl"
AN APT ANSWER.
"Who was the wisest man2 q asked
the Sunday school teacher.
Solomon, promptly replied little
girl.
"And who was the holiest3"
"Moses."
tsMoses What makes you think so 2"
because / often hear papa speaking
of Holy Moses. Boston Courier.
CONFIDENCE.
She (anxiously)-I am afraid, George
dear, that when you speak to papa he
may be very angry.
He (confidently)-I think not, when !
show him this (taking bank book out
of his pocket.
She-Oh, George, let me look at it
first
EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCE.
She-You ought to be ashamed of
yourself, John, for shooting such dear
little bird
He-I thought you would like it for
your hat.
She-Oh what good idea That WAS
very thoughtful of you, John.-LIe.
BLIZZARD EPISODE.
The old man mufled to the ears was
off the snow. The pitiless
blizzard howled dismally through his
and he was mad all the way
through.
"My DEAR" came voice from ON up
Der window.
Nothing" he shrieked back. "Let
ne alone! I'm busy!'' and he went on
and down slammed the win.
low.
"Half an hour later the same voice
rom the same window came in earnest,
pleading tones:
"My dear!"
"Well, what in thunder do you want"
le shouted, sis the house on fire?
''No, john" walled the voice, "the
louse is all right, but you are shoveling
IF the wrong walk"
Then the blizzard turned and fled
Yeoo York Sun.
THE COW.
"Does your COW cringe and curl, asks
he New England Farmer, ''and appear
lervous and fidgety when you sit down
0 milk her?" Well, not much she
loesn't2 She isn't that kind of COW.
She isn't one of your shy, timid, bashful
ows. She just fixes her eyes on vacan-
y with q glare that will raise q blister
N an oak knot, sticks her tail straight up
II the air, stiff as poker, plants three
eet firmly on the ground, and then feels
round with the other for the milk-pail,
milk maid; finds them; fires
hem up somewhere into the blue empy-
can, and remarking "Ha, hal" amid the
houting jumps over a six-rail fence and
ramples down an acre of young garden.
Don't talk about cringing and curling to
COW that has to be milked with pipe
ne and a pumping station.
ChiIIS and EnLnl. Inu ndinne Mnirn ,