Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1888-07-05
OUR FIRST FAMILIES.

OUR FIRST FAMILIES.
The Ideas OF q Common. Red-Blooded,
Everyday American Citizen
Ii there is any thing we pride our
selves upon in this country, it is our
first families.
Every town has its first families, but
their Importance depends on their loca-
ton.
The first families in Boston. for in
stance, are very blue-blooded indeed,
for some of them know who their
grandfather was and boast of him.
They acknowledge that Springfield has
first families. but al1ude to them as
highly-respectable people, and the
Springfield aristocrats in turn mention
the first families of Sapville as decent
sort of country folks.
You will see that first families have
their degrees, but what constitutes a
first family is rather hard to deter
mine.
First families usually have niger
and coat of arms; but they often OBJ
JSNo
family tree, as sometimes, ancestors
found hanging to it and the coat of
arms turns out to be a coat without
arms, or what the vulgar second and
third families call vest.
The same standard of first familyism
is not applicable to all places. Mr..
Beans, of Boston, dates his family
from 1920, when his ancestor came
over in the Mayfiower, the ancestor
having been the ships cook Mr.
Lardley, of Chicago, goes back to the
medieval ages before the fire, and is
not familiar with the name of his
grandfather. Mr.. Hustler, of Denver.
is an aristocrat from way back, and his
father carried his fortune and family
portraits into Denver in wheelbarrow
in the misty days of 1874.
A knowledge of ones grandsire can
hardly be the standard, for old man
Sloper in the poor-house remembers
distinctly that his grandfather died in
the same hotel.
The fact that man had ancestors
can hardly be the measure of a family's
greatness, for it is hard to imagine,
how a fellow could get along without
ancestors, even if historians forgot to
mention them.
We have vainly endeavored to figure
out what constitutes first family, and
have almost given it up. The best way
is to say you are one and go around
blowing about it. Your neighbors will
probably call you fool for eight Or
ten years, and then end by believing
you, when you are a first family in
good standing.
There's McGiggles, now. He's a
first family. McGiggles went to school
with me, and wore pants with LIS and
bay windows ON them, for his father
carried the bod and drank tod.
| was sort of stuck up in those days,
and became book-keeper in a hardware
store, while McGiggles drove gro
Gerry wagon. He went into the bust
ness later for himself and made slath-
ers of money in the barrel business.
He gave up his barrels, joined the
church, married deacon's daughter,
and struck out to be first family, and
he got there with both feet. McGig-
giles is heightened now, but still he
notices me sometimes and says am
respectable Woodworking man.
I don't know that | will ever go in
for being a first family man, but per-
haps | will.
However, we've got to have some
body for first families, and McGiggles
might as well be one as any fellow,
especially as his boy, T. Jefferson
McGiggles, is now at Harvard, and
Edith McGiggles is going to Europe to
study art.
The Bilkmans used to be blue bloods
until the old mans bust up in telephone
stocks. Then the old woman fred her
niger and started hash factory, and
that broke up the first family business
for them.
Old Mandrake is rushing to the front
as first familyist since his Indian
elixir began to catch on, and Jimmy,
his son, who used to wash the bottles,
was getting measured for dress suit
the other day when / passed Shears
tailor shop.
Some really great man, like Mr..
Ward McAllister, should devote his
time and energies to writing book on
this subject, and fix, once and for all,
some standard by which man away
down in the tenth and eleventh fam
lilies can recognize and do homage to
the first family the minute he sees one.
BY doing this he will earn the graft
tude of common, everyday, red-blood.
ed American citizens.-Iden.