davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-08-23
Such Vanity.

Touching the late adventure OF Col.
Nicholas Smith the other day, q little
story is recalled of his visit to San
Francisco, when he was a prominent
figure in society for awhile. He was
talking OF his marriage. Whitelaw
Reid was mentioned, and the hand
some Colonel said:
THAT man Reid has the most over
towering vanity ever heard Of You
have no idea what vain, conceited
fellow he is. When [ was married he
was at the wedding, simply one of the
many invited, and OF course l was be-
ing married. Before the bride arrived
Reid began to fid@et and fuss. He felt
in all his pockets for something which
he could not find.
"-What's the matter, Whitelaw?' I
asked affabIy.
I've forgotten my gloves. I must
GO back after them
= Good Sod, man. said, who do
You suppose will look at you to-day?'
never saw such vanity. San Fran
cisco Chronicle
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-08-23
Suggestions to a Husband.

Nobody ever said to you, "meet your
wife with a smile" What an idea! You
have so many cares and vexations iu your
business. No matter if you are strong
and vigorous, and can throw off your
troubles, in hearty work, and feel your
blood stirred healthily by contact with
human kind, while your wife is weak and
her troubles and crosses ara to be met
and borne in the lonely monotoly of
home life and endless tasks. You may
look sour if you feel like it, and you may
go and put your bundle of cares upoR
her shoulders, but she must smile. You
have to be pleasant abroad. Then can't
g. fellow be cross at home? And If any
thing has gone wrong-if last night at
the "oiub" has given you headache, Or
your breakfast disagreed with your lord
ly stomach, may not you snub your wife
and strike terror into the childrens saulsf
Certainly, by all means, sir.
And if your wife fails to meet you with
that smile, whether you come in the
mood of q roaring lion or sulky bear,
when well, you can get some editor to
publish something about "a WIfe's
Duties," or some more advice to wives.
and now dear sisters, lend me your ears.
A good man with a great loving heart is
creature TO be adored. If you are
true wife and have subj & husband, you
will generally wear "that smile" The
sunshine his love makes in your heart,
will break out In your face.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-08-23

ghosts; changing every moment; pre-
senting constantly new vissas, new cloud
marveis, and new openings into far, radi-
ant reaches, through which you seem to
see heaven itself. Throw over all this
light wells of mist, that soften rather
than obscure-pale gray, dazzling silver,
soft rose, translucent amber, purple
am sthyst.-veils that float, and lift, and
waver with every breath and with every
motion Of the boat, and you will have
some faint idea of what our eyes behelI
that August evening IS we crossed Lorch
Llnnhe and passed into Lorch Leven,
pauslng for few moments at Bailachu-
ilsh, and then, turning into Linnhe again,
swept on orr downward way toward Oben.
Bat you must do still more. You must
imagine all this magnifcence OF cloud
and mountain and island so perfectly
mirroIed IN the clear, still waters of the
lake that even the changing splendor OF
color vas duplicated, and heaven was be-
low SIS well as above Us
Is grew dark aud chill sc last The
overpowering glory died and earth was
earth once more, but the effect remained.
Young men and mei6ens, old men AID
children, were content to sit in silence,
or 30 speak IN subdued whispers, as we
watched for the first CLEAN of the semi
circular Gordon of lights that guard the
bay Of Oben.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-08-23

farm without most careful inspection
and knowledge of it's several parts. Not
only the general lay of the land, but the
nature of the soil and its power to resist
drouth are the most important economic
question In selecting farm in the great
prairie regions. 4 few wet sIoughs, if
they can be drained out withsut very
great expense, are not serious objections:
but poor or 6routhy soils require 100
much labor and manure In proportion TO
the crops they return. Far more mis-
takes are being made by selecting dry,
gravelly lands than by accepting land
that has wet draws in 1t. Loose or geu-
tly rolling lands are more uniform in
character and more easily cultivated,
wash less, and usually retain the manure
longer than billy land. Besides. the sur
face is usually near subterranean water
supplies, that can be reached by the deep
descending roots ia times OF drouth.
Much can be determined by the character
of the growing grass, weeds, trees, craps,
and the general fertility of surrounding
farms. But the soil and subsoiI should be
carefully examined. 4 spade, q small
post anger, or better, q two-inch well
anger should be used as fryer, and the
successive layers or deposits noted.
The idea of digging 10 see how much g
farm is worth, maE appear strange TO
some, but 1t is no more out Of place than
using butter or cheese fryer, or turning
oox Of berries TO see their character. In
the market, where competition IS sharp,
men are not ashamed to carefully examine
each purchase, and in buying farm
man should not merely go so one corper
or walk or drive across it with glance
over the broad acres and "guess" it to be
such farm as he wants While the sur
face usually indicates the strength of the
soil, the finding of sand, gravel or very
impervious clay subsoiis, seouid oe count
ed largely against farm. The power of
a soil to resist Grouth depends largely
upon lis power to raise moisture from
below, and either coarse gravel, sand or
very impervious clay subsoii stands as
barrier between the roots, which cannot
penetrate through such sub5ois, and the
supply of moisture beneath. In time of
drouth IS coed time to hunt farm, as
prices will be down and 4 better idea can
be obtained of the strength Of the soil in
resisting drouth. W. NJ. HAYS
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-08-23

Bump, thump, down they dropped,
and the ground. brush, and twigs be-
gan to crackle. Plainly there were
scores of them, all coming to inquire
about their injured comrade. Imme-
diately one black little snout and snap
ping, angry eyes showed in sight
among some dry brakes, few Yards
from where | stood on a log.
He was the first of the van. Half a
dozen more were close by-all making
in, with queer, complaining little
grunts, each delivered with an intona-
ton of suppressed anger. Raising nv
gun, knocked the first one that came
in sight heels over head.
But it was my last cartridge, and
with the report the chorus Of cries was
redoubled. From every side the gully
little beasts were pouring in. Then,
for the first time, the idea occurred to
me that they might really prove form
liable, and that I might have to fight
my way clear of them.
With a spring / gained another log
and then jumped to a bowlder. Two
Of the bristly tykes were grunting and
swapping at me as I made the last leap.
With the butt of my gun I knocked
over number of them as they scram-
bled forward to the foot of the bowl
der. But now a score or more were
gathering around the stone Some
were of quite large size-they may,
perhaps, have weighed from Is to Is
pounds.
Each one appeared the very image
Of WRATH kind of crashing, wolfsh
rage. Their teeth snapped, their black
shouts shook, their quilts rustled, and
their long claws scratched on the logs
and stones.
The notion that hedgehogs could by
any possibility prove formidable to
hunter was one which, 10 minutes be-
fore, [ should have secuted. But I
had learned something within the in
terval. [ decided quite suddenly that
[ would leave that place in haste-if [
could get away. hastily jumped from
the bowlder, and giving sidelong blows
with my gun-butt, leaping on logs, and
stepping on one gully back, kicking
aside two or three others-it was thus
that | made a most undiCniied retreat
from a foe contemplate in himself and
formidable only b. his numbers
Youths C0n3panj0R
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-08-23
FARM. HOME AND GARDEN
TWO SURPRISES.
ST. NICHOLAS.

a workman piled his clumsy spade
As the sun was going down;
The German King. with cavalcade,
On his way TO berlln town,
Refined up his steed at the old mans side.
My toIling friend said he.
Why not cease work at eventide
When the laborer should be frees
Il do not slave, = the old man said:
And am always free;
Though WORK from the time leave my bed
=. TIL can hardly see
How much, = said the King, is the gain in {
days
And thou caust live on this meagre pay?''
Like King, he said with pride.
" Two groschen for me and my wife, good friend
And two for q debt owe:
Two grOSchen to lend, and two to spend
For those who can't labor, you know
THE debtg said the King: said the toiIer: Yea
To my mother with age oppressed,
Who cared for me, toiled for me, many q day,
And now hath need Of rest
TO whom dost lend of thy daily store?.'
TO my boys-for their schooling; you see,
When am too feeble to toll any more,
They viii care for their mother and me-
'And thy last two groschen?" the monarch said
I give them two groSchen for raiment and bread
All in the Fathers name"
Tears welled up to the good Kings eyes.
Thou knowest me not said he;
''As tn IL hast given me one surprise,
Here is another for thee.
81 am thy King; give me thy hand''--
And he heaped it high with gold
''When more thou needst, 1 command
That at once be told.
''For I would bless with rich reward
The man who can proudly say
That eight souls doth he keep and guard
On eight poor groschen a day
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-08-23
Satisfied with Himself.

An English general, in reviewing
corps of cavalry, suddenly stopped
before a splendid-looking fellow and
asked abruptly: (Which is the best
horse in theregiment?" mo. 40, sir"
What makes you think he is the best
horse?n He walks, trots, and gal
lops well; is a good jumper; has no
vice, no blemish; carries his head we'll;
is in his prime" land who is the
best soldier in the regiment" '.Tom
Jones, sir.'' ''Why?n Because he is
an honorable man, is obedient, tidy.
takes good care of his equipment and
his horse, and does his duty well"
''And who is the rider of the best
horse?n Tom Jones, sir" "And
who is Tom Jones?" Il am, sir" The
general could not help laughing, but
he gave a sovereign to his inform
ant, who received it without moving a
muscle liverpool Post
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-08-23
An Effective Sermon.

Or. Paysen of Portland. Me-, used
to tell this good story: One rainy Sun
dav he went to his church as usual, but
no one appeared except an old negro.
who came in and asked if Dr.. Payson
was to preach. The doctor said ''yes,"
and went into the pulpit and preached
to the choir and the old negro. Some
months after he met the negro and ask
ed him if he enjoyed that sermon.
Enjoy dat sermon? | clare, doctor,
| nebber heerd a better one. 70 see I
had seat pretty well up front, an
whenebber you'd say somethin's pref
ty hard like gin de sins oh men. I'd
jess look all roun' ter see who you's a
hittin', an l wouldn't see nobody only
jess me. An | says ter m'self, he mus
mean you, Pomp, you's sech a drefful
sinner. Well, doctor, dat ar sermon
set me ter thinllin' what a big sinner /
war an I went and jined the church
down home. Use deacon now"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-08-23
A Serious HumoriSt.

Ny story is a sad one, and won't take long to
To any sort of metre can suit it just as well.
You'll understand my misery before the taie
1t all began one hapless day-the day I made
And ever er Since that fatal hour the people do
That 1 became a humorist. alasl right then
and there:
Though to be considered serious q give d IoI
of money,
whatever 1 may say or do, they win insist 1t s
funny.
might perhaps have since escaped the dire
full consequences
Had I not penned feeble joke when hardly
in my senses.
Twas printed in paper of tremendous circu-
IatiOn,
And I was dubbed a humorist by all the
In vain / tried to prove myself a Ibeled 1ndi-
vidual,
The fatal truth confronted me-the joke was
quite original.
Where I went there followed me that dread
full reputation.
And every word spoke aroused uproarious
exclamation,
If remarked in casual tones upon the gloomy
weather,
The people laughed until they cried, and
laughed and cried together;
When ! gave information Of some accident
distressing.
ingly depressing;
And when ] failed in business, and despair
ingly told my WIFE,
She, laughing, vow'd I'd never been SO funny
in my lfel
j dressed in sOmbre black, assumed grim,
funeral air,
And spoke in woe-enyeloped tones, my face
distraught with care.
wept little when I could, all steep'd in
melancholy,
But people only laughed again. and whispered,
'Ain't he jolly"
In fact, the more that became a sacrifice to
sadness,
The more met the wretched glee that drove
me near to madness.
Full half my time is spent in declining press
ing invitations
To humorous banquets and to write for comic
publications,
And scented notes and letters couched in
words as sweet as honey
Now won't you send your autograph? and
please to make it funny"
If / should sink beneath my trials, and leave
this mortal sphere,
The world would give me credit for the best
joke of the year;
And doubtless folks who come to gaze upon
my monument
Would find it quite impossible to keep their
laughter pent.
'Iia useless to deny it now, alack! the mis-
chiefs done,
And I must be a humOrist, tho an uncon-
sciOus one.
I've only this request to make, which no one
can resist:
Please call me in my epitaph the Serious
HumOrist.
Herbert Hall Winslow, in Harper's Maya
zine.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-08-23
Going Down the CALIFORNIAN Canal.

At last, as day began to wane, We pass
ed through Loch Aber and the Corran
Narrows into Loch Linnhe. And here
the mighty spirit of the lakes and
mountains took possession OF Us all, and
held SHAT boat-load of morry people
silent and spelibound- It was as if We
we're being borne onward, swiftly and
noiseessly. into the inmost holy of holies.
Even the captain and the very deckbands
stood like men entranced, overwhelmed
by the sarpassing splendor. Anything
SO grand so we1red, so magical, can hard
ly be imagined, much less describe d.
The rain of two hours before had left the
air heavy with vapor, through which the
sun now shown gIoriously, producing the
most marvellous effects. You might
make this trip hundred times, ladies'"
said the captain, as he stood uncovered,
"and not get the half of what you are
getting to day,-no, nor the tenth of
it,
I quote this, leEt some of our dear
wandering k1nsfolk, who have been
down the Caledonia CanaI' on some
dull, gray day, VIXEN the Scotch mists
hemmed them IN On all sides, and they
could scarcely see beyond the decks,
should cry out, ''How that woman exag-
g6rabe6- I1uE We nave ali seen Trans
formation scenes on the stage, where the
efec5 Of light and color, OF rapidly dis
solving views, and of seemingly super
natural revelations filed Us with wordless
awe. Now make the stage one vast
/ anorama of shining, sparkling water, as
stu as 2 sheet of silver. Dot the surface |
with islands, dark masses OF verdure |
rising out Of the depths, and often pic |
turesq uely beautiful with ivy-grown |
mouIdering toweys, broken arches, and |
here and there stately monument. Let !
the nearer hills, sloping upwards from
the shores, be cultivated and clothed with /
living green more than halfway Up;
N ake them gentle and homelike by
building stately mansions on the broad
terraces, and letting small gray cottages,
like birds'-nests, porch on the slightly
cliffs; then, stretching far above these
human habitations. let the purple of the
wild heather, blending with the soft olives
OF ferns and moses, climb to their very
tops. Beyond them, tier on tier, not in
regular ranges, but jutting out edgevise.
and crossvise, and aliuise, let the might
ier hills stretch upwards, and EDWARDS, ap-
pearing and disappearing; now looming
up out of the vapor in cold, blue splen-
dor, then suddenly vanishing like pallid
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-08-23
How One Woman Made Fortune
NeW York Press


4 we'll known New York real estate man
has mother who has made fortune by
her own shreWdness. Yet. every one who
has contributed TO her accumulation
thinks her public benefactor. II is a
well known fact that that people who &C.
cummulate riches in New York desire
nothing more er5ently than beau ifui
and art1sticaily furnished home. Mrs.
- discovered this, and, having artistic
tastes, set TO work investing in houses in
the fashionable up town thoroug hf&res.
Then she went abroad, and picked u in
teresting brio a-brac and works of art
and when she had com pleted her plr
chases she returned, furnished the houses
from cellar to garnet, and advertised
them for sale. Her excellent taste soon
brought customers, ana in little while
she disposed of many buildings, With
their furniture and all, at q comfortable
profit. Her fortune made in ting
way, is estimated at between $3.50, 000 and
$500 900, and the purchasers If hsr prop
erty are happy, becauee their friends
visit them and congratulate them on the
excellent and artistic way il which they
have furnished their residences. The
visitors are never informed that the house
was hous ht furnished.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-08-23
RUCAD0R'S HIDDEN GOLD
4 Vast Treasure in Gold Oft Searched For an
Never Vet EoTIpd

4 Vast Treasure in Gold Oft Searched For and
Never Yet Found.
Every body who has read Prescott's fas-
ciaati0g volumes knows what followed:
With the aid of the Spaniards Atahuloa
conquered his brother, and then the
Spaniards conquered him. When he lay
q prisoner in the hands OF the guests he
had treated so hospitality, he offered to
fiji his prison with gold If they would re-
lease him. They agreed, and his willing
subjects brought the treasure; but the
sreedy Spaniards demanded more. Run
hers were hurried all over the country,
and the simple unselfish people surren-
dersd all their wealth 10 save their King.
But Piszsrro became tired of waiting FOR
the treasure, and the men in charge of IT.
upon hearing the news that Atahualpa
had been strangled, buried the gold and
silver IN the Lianganati, where the Span
iards have been searching for it ever
since.
No amount, of persuasion, temptatioh,
nor torture coulo wiring from the Indians
the secret OF the bUrried gold. Two men
of modern times are supposed to have
known its hiding place. One of them, an
Indian, became mysteriously rich, and
built the Church Of San Francisco, in
Quito. On his death bed he is said to
have revealed to the priest who confessed
him that his wealth came from the hid
den Inca treasure, but he died without
I'm parting the knowledge OF it's location.
Another man, Valverde by name, q
Spariard, married an Inca woman, and
is supposed to have learned the secret
from her, for he sprang from abject pow
erty to the summit of wealth almost in
single night. Valverde, when he died,
left as legacy TO the King Of Spain
guide TO the burrisd treasure. Hundreds
of fortunes have been wasted, and hun
dreds of lives have been lost, in vain at
TEN pts to follow Valverde's directions
Th ~ are perfectly plain to a certain
point. where the trail ends, and cannot be
followed further because OF deep ravine,
which, the credulous assert, has been open
ed by an eaftbq Jake since Valverde's
time. These searches have been prose
cuted by the Government as well as by
private individuals.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-08-23
ATTACKED BY HEDGEHOGS.
a Curious Adventure Of a Hunter with 3
Drove of PricEiy Beasts.

Twas walking rapidly, jumping from
one log to another, thence to Il stone,
when a short, odd, grating sort Of cry
caused me to stop and glance into the
poplar tops.
There my eye fell on brownish-gray
lump of n creature, apparently about
the size of q grounding or woodchuck
and perched on limb twenty or thirty
feet from the ground.
In moment | fired at it-one bar
Ireland with another of those short,
harsh little shrieks it fell to the ground.
l saw that it was hedgehog, or 'por-
cupine, and stepped forward to turn
the gully little black-nosed monster
over with the muzZle Of my piece,
when | heard numerous other similar
cries, near, far. and all about, and on
looking around saw singular specta-
Gle
The poplars all seemed to contain
porcupines. The trees were of good
size for second growth, being eight or
ten inches in diameter and quite tall.
As far rs l could see through the tops
every tree had its hedgehog. The
branches had the appearance of hay
my oeeu Sud"eo oiLe oi th0 green
bark. At that moment all the hedge
hogs were giving vent to those eldritch
little shrieks, and | at once discovered
that they were one and all in motion
and that their motion was downward.
In an instant more they began to
slide down the tree trunks and drop to
the earth-thump! thump! all around
me.
| suddenly discovered they meant
me; that they were all rallying in re-
Spouse to the cutlery of the little brute
l had foolishly shot. The woods about
me seemed to be populated with them.
I was plainly in the heart of the hedge
hog community and had committed a
gross act of violence of which they
were determined to take knowledge.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-08-23
A Battle Of Birds.

The Frankfurter Zeitung has letter
from Sofia describing battle OF birds of
the Homeric order. Earlyt ono morning
an unusually large nnmbeT of eagles,
probably about 200, were seen taking
their flight toward the mountains Of the
jantra. crowd of persona watched the
spectacle. A few hours later number of
5tOrks, not fewer than 800, few straight
toward the regiment of eagles, evidently
bent on war. In an instant eagles and
etorks mingled in deadly ARRAY. It was
a fearful combat. Every now and then a
wounded or dead bird, stork or eagle, fell
to the ground. The battle lasted nearly
an hour, when the two armies, apparently
weary of fight, few off in opposite dir
ections. Upon rough reckoning it was
that at least q third of the coma
batants fell in the severe struggle.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-08-23
How He Caught an Eagle.

How would many people SO to work
TO catch an eagle? BY putting salt on
its tail. perhaps. How Chief Justice
Parsons went about it is thus described
by his son:
The cry came into the office one day
that monstrous bird had alighted on
the palings Of the garden So out my
father went, and at once recognized a
young but well-grown eagle.
Putting coal into the bowl of a
large pipe, he filled the bowl with to-
bacco, and when it gave out smoke
freely, he slowly approached the bird
and gently blew the smoke into its
face.
At firstthe eagle seemed offended and
threatened with beak and wing, but
soon appeared to like it, and then in a
little time was stnpefied. My father
then directed our man-seryant to come
up and seize the bird round the body,
while he at the same moment caught
at the throat with one hand and at the
legs with the other.
In this way the bird was safely capt
ured and retained for day or two. I'M
til reclaimed by its owner. from whom
it had escaped. Youths Companion.