Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1888-09-12
The Kiczkin & 81 clxer

Journal, Tho Arizona Kicker:
aTnav BoTeorT Us. The tact that NJ
have been running the Kicker pretty
much as W. pleased since tho irst num-
Der was issued has given mortal oifense
to certain people Of this neighborhood.
We have been kicked, licked, pounded,
threatened, shot 1t and bluifed right
along, and have grown lat on Il.
We came to stay.
Fact is, we've got to. We haven't any
thing to 30 on.
Having tried all other measures to
make US Lot go, and having failed inglor-
iously il each instance, It was deter
mined to boycott us III social way. We
have been chuck-a-luck with the very
cream cf society since our advent. In
fact, we have been most Of the cream.
Il was decided q few days ago by d
syndicate Of the high toned that we must
be socially snubbed and crushed. Ac-
cordingly Mrs. Major Bazoo, Of Grizzly
Heights announced recherche affair and
invited everybody in the set but us. It
was given out that she feared our man
ners would disgrace the occasion, and il
they didn't our clothes would.
We weren't saying word. We saw
the bluff and went one better. On the
night Of the party the sheriff made a
haul Of three high toned prisoners at the
house Of Mrs. Major Bazoo, while half
dozen others broke for the woods.
We have one great advantage over the
other creams Of society. We left the
east by daylight and shook hands with
the sheriff as we started. We are neither
a bigamist, eloper, embezzler, horse thief,
jail bird Or gambler. We don't want to
work this lever unless some one jumps
on our collar. We have reduced tony
society over one half since we came to
town by giving the sheriff pointers. We
can run the other halt ont of town in a
week. Mrs. Major Bazoo has called to
beg our pardon and to express her deep
disgust with herself We have forgiven
her, knowing it will not happen again.
AS for Judge Cahoots who inspired the
boycott and set the crushing machine at
work, we bear him no luminosity. We
will simply remark that he is bigamist,
incendiary, embezzler, forger, perjurer
and highway robber, and we have dis
patched Pinkerton to come and get him.
Our amiable and gentlemanly sheriff
entered our office day before yesterday
and in his usual urbane manner an
nounced that he must serve papers on us.
It was notice Of a breach Of promise
suit against us by the widow Clixby,
who alleges that we have been toying
with her heart strings, and that it will
take $4,000 of our cash to settle her
thoughts back in the old channel
1t is another move on the part of our
enemies to down us.
We first met the widow Clixby twenty
eight years ago in Carter's grocery. She
asked our opinion OF behring's, and we
asked hers Of soap, She invited us to
call at the house and see some poetry
she had written on the rise and fall Of
the mastodon. We complied. We called
there three or four times afterwards, but
only as friend. On one occasion the
widow showed us a clipping from an
eastern paper to the effect that it was
better for a man who had passed the age
of % to marry q widow, if he was to mar
ry, but we didn't bite.
We know our gait. If the widow Clix-
by can prove to the world that we have
toyed with her affections wen cheerfully
go to jail. We are not on the toy. The
widow will find us no jack rabbit, and
the enemies who have encouraged this
new move may hear something drop be-
fore the trial is over.
Wednesday evening as we put on our
Mother Hubbard and sat down by the
open window to get breath Of fresh air
before retiring, sadness suddenly stole
over US and in a few minutes we found
tears in our eyes. The query came to
us over and over again: Ills life worth
iving?' and as we thought of the old
homestead the days Of boyhood the
many graves the changes of thirty years
The fountains of the deep were broken
up and we wept.
Such moods do man good. They
bring him nearer heavens gates. We
don't know whether they come from a
disorganized liver or the near presence
Of guardian angel, but We always feel
q heap better afterwards. We no longer
feel spirit Of revenge. We have no
greed. We have charity for all.
And as the bright beams Of the har-
vest moon steal into the Office window
and throw food of silver light upon
the dead ads on the imposing stone las