Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1888-01-27
HUMOR.


Ir is the silent watches Of the night
that render alarm-clocks necessary.
A CAPITALIST who lends money
without security is soft money man,
To REMOVE mildew-Pay OF what is
due on the mill, of course.-Teros
Sifti1gs.
A RICHTER of wrongs is, as a rule
even more poorly paid than writer Of
poetry.-Ne,o Haren Ne,os.
The axiom that heat expands and
cold contracts" does not apply to coal
dealers bills. -Philadelphis Inquirer.
SOMETIMES q woman belongs to the
npper set, and then again the upper
set belongs to the woman.-SJti'egs.
MorHER-Now, Emma, what is the
tenth commandment? Emma, aged
fiye-The same as it was last Sunday
-SJtings.
"WHAr do you sell that ribbon for?'
asked young lady in q dry-goods
store. Eight dollars week-oh, beg
pardon, so cents yard, miss" -
ladies' lleay' Rerielc.
A FlvE-DoLLAR gold piece can lie un-
disturbed in miser's pocket for long
time. but when it falls into the hands
of a spendthrift then all is changed.
And the change doesn't last long,
either. -SUtangs.
In Kansas: Tourist Ito woman
"This part of the country has produced
many patriots" Woman "Yes; my
husband died for the State" Tourist
Indeed" Woman Yes, he was
hanged. "-.frkda1saU Trdreier.
SUNDAY School What can
you say about Jonah?" Pupil-"Well,
he was an honest man." "Why do you
think he was honest?" "'Cause he
didn't run corner on tish-oil and
whalebone. "-Arcola Record.
A WRITER i'll an agricultural paper
says there is no such thing as sweating
apples. But it makes many a boy
sweat to get hold OF one, when there
is a fierce bulldog ready to chase him
out OF the orchard.-1'erds Sifti,eqs.
Oh am the man who got left
| OF office and place I'm bereft
When they counted the votes US the tally de
notes.
The other chap colarel the heft.
| There was fraud and corruption and theft,
For the other mans heclers were deft;
! But without hesitation. I've this consolation,
I'd rather be right than be left.
-Brookly,a Eagle.
In Siberia the people buy their milk
frozen around stick, which serves as
handle. In this country the young
men have their milk-punch put up in
the same manner, or nearly so. The
punch contains "stick" all right, and
is as cold as ice will make it.-Peck's
Sun.
E,MpLoYMENT.-Firs loafer - Say
mate. if they was to put shovel III
yer lands an tell yer to go to work.
would yer take it?" Second loafer-
"'Course I would" First loafer-
would yer use it?' Second loafer-
"'Course I would-like a shot. I'd
spout it! "-P,A,1ch.
SONG OF A CONDEMNED GLUTroN.
Ineyer had II sweet gazelle
TO glad me with its soft black eye
But would love it passing well
Baked in rich and crusty pie.
II I could have bird to love
And nestle sweetly in nv breast,
All other nesting birds above,
The turkey-stut1ed-w be that bird.
-Burdctte.
The Snowman at Nottingham or
Islington exhibiting figures of q. 0.
NJ. and Orchid Joe)-"Here you seq
the Separatist Party as large as life!'
Dubious Elector please, which is
the Separatist Party?" Snowman
, whichever you please, my little dear.
You pays yonr money and you gives
your vote. -P1tnch.
THE MILLS OF THE GODS.
At the rich mans feet Tom pleaded
. In6 fnrh iS flt,,u low !, n,1
And he thought ho had succeeded
In his heart's demand: .
But the father, sudden turning,
Sternlv pointed to the door
Come again-when YOU are earning
Jatst a litt{c more.
Years had nnsscd Tom, BY hard peggnc
5 Quite we'll OFF at length had grown,
While the once rich mum was begging
For pultry loan
With old memories in him burning.
} He too pointed to the door:
"COme again-Wlen YOU are earning
Just q little more"
columbus (O.) Dispatch
"Too MUCH credit cannot be given,
= remarks Montana paper, "to our dig
niiied and efficient Police Justice
Judge Winthrop, tor the warfare he i
carving on against disrepntable char
acters, and more especially for riddin!
our city OF Red Mike, the pugilist ant
tough who has been disgracing tn
: place for the last year. Thursda.
evening the Judge met Mike by ap
pointment at the Maverick Theater
and easily bested him in five rounds
bare knuckles, London prize rim!
rules. The Judge was the best NAL
from the start, having the fight all hi
own way, in the fifth round knockint
his opponent completely over the ropes
+ where he fell insensible and failed t
t come to time. The Judge took all tn
$ gate money, the $50 stakes, and als'
= won 5000 on side bets Mike left TO
o the East next morning for mediea
e treatment CarraLth.
1 --
3 The Lion and His TOrmentOr.
= A Peasant who was Passing throug
!, the Forest heard q Great Uproar in hi
NJ n IL