The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1888-06-30
WIT AND HUMOR.

'IoOs
1t doesn't bother lawyer to SCI
breakers ahead-thatis if they are law
breakers. Merchant Traveller.
what does it mean when the Kins
rent his clothesp" II s'pose he hire(
them out, ma THE Teacher.
The first thing needed in candidat.
for public office is availability, and ther
the next thing is veil o. charity.-Du
luth Photographer.
There is always room at the top,
and the biggest strawberries generally
get there when they are hustled togeth
er in box.-NeaD Orleans Picayune.
The Herr r-"Donnerwetter
What is it that that outrageous rumb'
ling in the street makes-ah--pardon-
it is beer-wagon. "-Fliegeade Bldetter.
Mrs. Nuwed (reproachfully)-Surely
you are not going out again tonight,
Henry? Mr.. Nuwed-Oh, no, not again;
this trip will keep me until midnight
Puck.
She-How do you like my new shoes,
Adolph? He (dreamily)-They are SIM
ply immense. It took the two families a
week to patch up peace.-DetroN Free
Press.
When the scriptural writer advised
people to heap Goals of fire upon the
heads of their enemies fuel was proba-
bly, much cheaper than it is now.-Lira-
coin Journal.
That bothersome question to some
folks, "Whom did Cain marry?" don't
worry us. We are not descended from
the elder branch of the family.-Mar-
tha's Vineyard Herald.
If the sympathy which is wasted on
criminals was bestowed upon the rich
they might be brought to look upon
the world as not altogether heartless.
Detroit Free Press.
At West Point. Instructor-Why
don't you turn out your toesP Celtic
Cadet-Me family niver evicted any
thing yit, sor, an Oil not begin av Oh
oign.-TId-BUs.
He-I hear that our mutual friend,
Miss Elderly, has married a corn doc
tor She-Yes, she has succeeded at
last in getting man ather feet. How
romantic she is.-Mocking Bird.
'And are you really so badly broke,
my friend?" he said, as he rendered a
tramp penny. ''Broke?' was the Bit
ter response. s'I'm as badly broke as
the ten commandments. Life.
There was an old proverb which said
promises were like piecrusts, but the
modern cooks have conspired to wipe
the similitude and cripple the proverb
for practical use .-Binghanton Leader.
1t is said that many literary men in
this country owe much to their wives.
There is poor prospect, however, that
they will ever getmoney enough tOgeth-
er to pay any Of the debt.-Som1erviLIe
Journal.
IF it wasn't for one thing, john"
said she, as they sat down to their fru-
gal dinner, Il could have made some
nice oyster SOUP ssIndeed! What was
thatP'' II didn't have anything toward
it but the lt,"-Judge.
Bridget (to lady receiving calls)-
The landlord is at the door, num-
Lady-Very well, Bridget, (to caller)
Excuse me one moment, please; it is
my landlord with receipt for the rent.
The Epoch.
''Do you believe there is such thing
as luck?n asked young lady of an old I
bachelor. II do. I've had proof of it. :"
.sIn what way?" 81 was refused by five
girls when was a young man. Her
chant 1raueler.
Country minister Ito boy fishing D
What will your father say, little boy,
when he discovers that you have been
fishing on Sunday? Boy-I dunno, sir;
it depends,on how many fish ! ketch.-
Nea0 York Sun.
Miss Clara-You say, Ethel, that you
only paid ten cents for having your
gloves cleaned? Why, / was asked 10.
Miss Ethel with slight but not dam
gerous cough)-Yes, suppose the size
IS considered Epoch.
Norwich has a man who says the
bridge across the Thames at Newton
don is to be the biggest kind of
bridge. He has examined the plans
and declares that it will have five
spasms.--NoraUich (G.) Bulletin.
Ethel-Did you 90 to Italy? Harriet
months. Ethsl-What do you think of
he lazzaroni? Harriet-O, it's awful.
tried some the first night l was there,
'ut it doesn't suit my taste at all.-Lite.
He-I see that old Mr.. Bentley was
buried yesterday. Wife (shocked)-
Why, is old Mr.. Bentley dead? He (who
las just been sat upOn)-The paper
DOESN'T say whether he is dead or not;
imply that he was buried yesterday
life.
A man out west hearing woman say
he woman's suffrage movement meant
quail rights to all, at once declared
lmself in favor of it, remarking that
re hadn't dared to call his soul his own
ince the day of his marriage.-Smitk-
lille (Ga.) Meas.
This is the order which little girl
rought into a Lewiston druggists
tore the other day. 1t was written on |
dirty piece Of note paper as follows:
Mister Druggist Please send ipecac
n0ugh to throw up 4-year-old girl"
-LeaOtstOn Journal.
Fair visitor Ito convict)-I suppose,
If, that the singing of the birds relieves
ne monotony of your dreary life? Com
let profoundly nonplused) THE sing
1g of the birds, miss? Fair visitor
es, sir, the little Jail birds, you know.
hey must be such boon.-Neac York :
an.
Striker Ito wife)-Well, what sue
ess? Wife-Good, John. Mrs. Smith
I'LL give me weeks wash tomorrow,
nd she thinks she can find some plain I
ewing for me to do. Striker (enthusi-
stlcally)-Splendid! Well make the