The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1888-11-10
FUNNY ONES.

INTO paWnshop would be glad to lake |
the pledge, but the pawnbroker won't |
let him for obvious reasons Washin ton |
Critic.
Tie Paris executioner takes stimu- |
lants on occasion, and if he ever INDUCES |
IN any little game of chance it is doubt |
less heads | win. Louisville Courier |
| Journal.
PoLITICIAN-Why is it, Uncle Nose. |
that wheI ever | appear on the street |
You Dodge around the corner? Uncle |
Mose-Bekase de good book saws to |
shun der 'pearance of eDil.-Te1aS .Sif- |
iHgs.
PHILADELPHIAN-That st. Louis friend |
OF yours Is the most quiet, unobserving, |
unobtrusIve Western man | ever met |
IN my life. st. Louis man-Yes. he |
| used to be PHILADELPHIA |
| Record
DUDE-Can you, an sell me, alb a !
blue cravat to match my ewes, all |
Salesman-1 don't think, All that ! |
| can; but | can sell you Il very soft nat |
TO match your very soft head, alb |
-Ieras SJttngs.
CusroMER-"Wa Waiter, l told you to
bring me some cheese Waiter-"I |
done brought it, sab" Customer
well, it's not here, now, and haven't |
eaten any cheese, so it probably jumped |
ont of the window. "-Epoch
"WELL," said Mr.. Bromley sadly, |
I'VE re going TO have another revolu- |
tion." Who a-goin' ter fight, F." asked |
Mr. b. Nobody. But as long as the !
world lasts we have one revolution "a |
day: Then there was rebellion in the |
family.
QUESTION of Schools First Mother
The school around the corner is most |
excellent one. My boy does learn SO |
fast. Second mother-Oh. you're mis-
taken, utterly mistaken. It's a mser- |
able school. My boy doesn't learn a |
thing Philadelphia Record
The reason why-Small boy No Ito |
small boy No. 2, who is strutting around |
with his hands i'll his pockets Come |
over and play with me, Johnny. |
Can I. go ask your mother if you |
can't" Cant ask her; she is out |
somewheres looking for me-"
HE-I must break off my engagement, |
Violet She-Whv should you do that |
He-Well, your father has failed; how
can he support son-in-law in the style |
IN which l have lived She-Why, You |
goose, he failed on purpose TO meet the |
extra expense !-Harper's Ba5ar.
PATIENT wife (of sick man MARY, |
bring in glass with two tablespoonfuls |
- Sick Man-Darn your homeopathic |
doses. You want to let me die for want |
OF medicine, don't you? Mary bring in |
the glass half full Wife-this isn't the |
whisky, dear; it's the cod-liver oil. |
son %
THE fatal NUMBER marintha. in ac- |
cepting me, you have made me immeas-
ura6ly happy" Il am glad to know 1t,
perstitious, are you?" ''No. darling. |
NJ Inv do IL ~
the thirteenth man to propose to me |
this summer"
He should have begun earlier-He |
had passionatelv declared his love. |
You are too late, George; too late" |
murmured the girl. TOO late ~ be ex- |
claimed with an agonized cry. SIS it |
possible that you love another?" "No, |
George; but it is nearly II o'clock, and |
| hear papa at the gate
AN explanation-Mrs. New Lucre-
Susette, a friend of mine informs me
that on last Wednesday evening, about |
s o'clock, she met you walking IN the |
park with my husband. Is this true ?
Susette indignantly Madame |
Eet ees not true; it vas on Jursday
evening. about 10 o'clock.
HENRIETTA, you are right. The polian |
harp is a wind instrument and SC like |
wise, Henrietta, Is a weather vane and |
a putty blower. Then you come very
near the mark when you say that a |
college professor is an instrument of |
taught yer" just like the rack in olden |
times. and the political night parader |
Of to-day.
APPLICANT for position as policeman
And what will be my juties, sor?"
TO arrest people, of course, those |
who are drunk and have no visible |
means of support" Faith, sor, that |
Will be big job, arristin' folks with no
visible names Of support" Why"
IF the women don't wear min s clothin |
DIN have to run them all in."-Lincola |
Journal.
OF Boston. and young Mr.. Wabash, OF |
Chicago, We're discussing literature, and |
as he allowed her to do all the talking |
he was getting along famously. You |
have read y he Quick or the Dead? ?" of |
c0u Sc, Mr.. Wabash ?' she said ooh, |
yes" he replied, ''but very much of it |
has escaped my mind. 1t must be ten |
years now since | read little Epoch. |
MARY, suppose you sing something"
"Oh, it's so late, Charley. Pm afraid |
it'll awake every one" That's too |
bad" exclaimed Charley, with every |
appearance OF distress. But why do |
you want me to sing, dear ?' she tender |
ly inquired. "Why, you see," he re-
piled, "a fellow | owe S25 has been |
waiting outside all the evening for me,
little he'd go away"
MILDRED" said he, while his larynx |
qulvered with tremulous pathos, "have |
| offended YOU" mo, George, you
have not" "rhen why are you so 81 |
lent 90 ''Do not ask me-" "But, dar-
ling, think, YOU hsve spoken scarcely |
twenty words in the last hour. l can
not bear the gloomy quiet. Why do |
yout not speak Why do you not talk ~
Because, George, want fame. | am |
woman, and | am trying to make
record. San francisco Pos.
WHERE actors have the bulge-The |
Actor-Ah it's all very well for you fell
lows 20 talk about my being the pet of |
the public, the idol of the aristocracy,
the spoilt child OF royalty itself | ad-
NIT all that; but remember that my art
dies with me-whereas your pictures,
your poems, your speeches remain 10
show the twentieth century what-a-
what The Painter: What overrat-
ed buffers We were in the nine teenth.
eh Whereas, you'll never be found /
out, old man. SO you score again! The
statesman and the poet: Hear hearw
Punch.
CRITICAL to the last-Judge Concluding
a entence)-'And you will be hanged
by the neck till you are dead, dead,
dead" Condemned many our Honor,
| should think that man In your posi-
ton would avoid supertiuity of lam
guage." "What DO you mean 2"
There is no necessity for the repeti-
ton of the word dead; in fact there is
no necessity of the use OF the word at
all, for ii follows that if | am hanged by
the neck death must ensue; therefore
-" Sheriff remove the prisoner. -
Lincoln Journal.
SHE (blushingly)-Wh do you saw my
teeth are like pearls He (gallantlyl-
Because they are. / can't com nare
them with anything else. She (smiiing
ly)-You are a fiatterer, I'm afraid
lrenrra Ra LnrarelrA-E lafferer9 NJ |