Richland beacon., 1888-03-17

LATE IN THE SEASON.
Landlady-Dinner is little late to-
night, Mr.. Dumley. l sent Bridget out
for canvas back, and she was gone a
long time.
Dumley-(not sure that he isn't
dreaming)-Er-a canvas back duck,
Mrs. Hendricks
Landlady-No, a canvas back ham.
It's late in the season for game, Mr..
Dumley.
HE WAS SATISFIED.
Stranger Ito Office boy)-Did you tell
the editor there's man down stairs
what wants to knock him kown an drag
him out!
Office BOy-Yessir; an he says will
you kindly step up at once, as he wants
to go to dinner.
Stranger somewhat milder) ell-er
Il don't want to take no advantage of a
man with an empty stomach. Tell him
I'll come in again.
ROLAND FOR AN OLIVER.
Wife Ito husband, who has stumbled
over pair of her shOes)-Don't be so
inpatient, John. Inever saw a man who
has so little self-contrOl over small things
as You have.
Observation-Disclosures, my der, you
don't call your shoes small things, do
you.-N. y. Times.
CONSISTENCY.
She-BefOre we were married YOU
didn't think seven evenings a week too
often to visit me. l can't see why YOU
don't stay more at home now.
He-Surely you don't mean to say,
my dear, that l stayed much at home
then.-Judge.
HE HAD ASSISTANCE.
Remember, my boy" said Uncle
James, as he gave Bobby coin, "that
if you take care of the pennies the dol
lars will take care of themselves"
Bobby locke trife dubious.
81 do take care of the pennies" he
replied, "but as soon as they get to DO
dollars pa takes care of EN-"
There is young lady in girls
school in Georgia, who goes by the nick
name of Postscript" Her real name is
Adcline Moore.-Burlington Free Press
HARD TINE.
give had hard timo of it," muir
INJURED a gone-to- seed specimen of hui
mainly. "The fact is, luck has always
been against me. There's tom Jones
and Bill Smith, both of them well-to-
do, while I'm poor as poverty. 1 don't
see how it is. Neither Tom nor BILL
was any kind of Teller; never was ready
for spree; while l was always ready
for anything, and willing to spend my
last cent on a good time. And yet, see
how luck has served me. / haven't got a
cent to my name and they're both rich.
don't understand it, It's hard world
anyhow, unless fellers got luck on his
side. '-Boston transcript.
COMPARATIVE GUILT.
Father-What do you think of boy
that throws n banana skin on q side
walk.
SOM don't know. What do you
think of banana skin that throws o
man on the sidewalk?-Life.
NEW LEASE.
"Miss Clara" he said, "can / speak
with your father n moment or tpc be-
fore go!"
Certainly, Mr.. Sampson" replied
the girl, blushing, and with a wildly
throbbing heart, sho sought tho old
man.
"Oh, papa" she began, rs the front
door closed, "what did Mr.. Sampson
WANT"
"I'In his landlord, you know. 1 let
him his bachelor apartments, and he
wants another three years lease. NY.
Sun.
OFF HIS GUARD.
Miss Gushington (enjoying a sleigh
ride)-I think you have lovely horse,
Mr.. De Lyle. About what does such
fine animal cost?
Mr. De Lyle-Two dollars an how
oh-er-yes, that horse is worth about
$500, Miss Gushington-Epoch.
THE DRUMMER.
We sat by the drummer, you and I,
In the playhouse few night ago,
And gazed at the fiddler sitting nigh,
As he sawed with his graceful bow.
We knew twas music, you and I,
Though it's soft sweet tones were drowned
Before, alas! they could get by
The drummer with cymbals and sound.
And oh! how we wished that you and
Had gun, that that man we might fire
To realms Of eternity on high,
Where drummer is not in the choir
Chicago Tribune.
GLOVE.
Joseph, you've been drinking again.
l can smell it for miles"
Nonsense, dear. Doesn't the bible
say 'Cleave to your wife, and | Glove,
that's all"
Daughter-Did you notice how deftlv
Mr. Featherly put my glove on for me
last night,
MOther-Yes; and thought that the
manner in which he fingered over it was
quite significant.
Daughter (arbiously)-We 1 don't
know about that, mamma. He dis
played srL Pexpertness am inclined to
think IL usel to that sort of thing.
CONTROL.
fa-Have you noticed the COM
PIE oontrQl that. cross old uncle Of