The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1888-07-19
NEWSPAPER HUmOR.
WRITTEN WITH SIX DOLLAR PAIR OF
SHEARS

DAAEAiNo
The midnight hush-soothinR syrup.
'Brassy yellow Is the incoming color.
A two foot rule-Don't wear tight
shoes.
Motto or the race -Lrack-Time 10
money.
A girl with dowry OF $50, 900 has a
nice figure,
There are some men so talkative that
nothing but the tOohache can make one
Of them hold his jaw.
c If man would only strike but an in
stant sooner than he does, he would get
the mosquito every time.
Why do conductors prefer tall ladies
to snort ones Because the higher the
fare the better they like it,: sshs-
1t is said that Ohio wives do their own
housework. Now that is the kind Of a
no hire idea that we like.
Mrs, Feunel says her minister's ser
mons are "A little obscure, but she says,
Il do love to cit aid watch the lineages
of bis face !
The Duke of Wellington's saying con-
nected with early rising was not bad
one Let the first turn in the morning
be turnout
Il rise for information said member
of Legislative body. 1 am very glad
to hear it., said bystander, no man
needs it more
L go through my work. as the needle
4 h., t,il. h,r Rnt nn ttnIil
are hard pushed. rs the idle boy said TO
the needle.
will your mother every marry again?
he inquired. Not with my approval,
she answered., Such is my opinion thus
far, and not step father
Mrs YUungerwoman wants TO know,
what is the best way to mark table
linen.' Leave the baby and blackberry
pie alone at the table for three minutes.
The Blroness Rpthschild paid 10000
francs TO have cataract taken from h, r
eve Good gracious wonder how much
she pays to have the waterfall taken off
her head
Mr.. Smith said a lady at the fair
won't you please buy this bouquet to
present to the lady you love ? 'rwould-
MT be right, said Mr.. Smith; I'm a
married man.
Foreman (making up the forms)-
Wh re shall put this clipping poetry
Editor-Wh0 Is 1t by
Foreman-Walt Whitman.
Edltur--Put 1t in the puzzle depart
ment.-Life.
Bishop (reproving his delinquent page
-Wretched boy Who is il that sees
aud hears all we do, and before whom
even am but as crushed worm
Pagc-'The missus, my lold.'
What papers off my writing desk are
you burning thereY ? cried an author To
the servant girl.
oh, only the paper that's all written
over, sir; hain't touched the clean,
was the comforting reply.
During hails'o orm, in Troy, boy
heaved twenty pound cake of ice into
the street, and over fifty persons make
oath that 1t was haIlstone, and that
they heard it strike a roof and bound
off.
They were at dinner party, and he
remarked that he supposed she was fond
of ethnology. She said she was, but she
was not very well, and the doctor had
told her not to eat anything for de-
sert but oranges.
When two women who are friends,
meet on the street, they smile right
there. When two men, who are friends
meet on the street, they adjourn to the
nearest saloon to smile. The latter
method is the most expensive.
'Smantha, I'm going to let go OF your
for a minute, but you won't be mad, will
you darlingl | wouldn't let go till you
did, only some sort of a bug is crawling
down my back, aud | can't keep my
mind on y, and bugs and at the same
time =