New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-08-03

| We would that we were dead"
Professor Gilbert, Of the Geological Survey,
hastens to administer consolation to the good
people of Finday, Ohio who have been startled
| by the dire prediction of q German professor
whose name has not hitherto filed the trump OF
fame, to the effect that beneath the town Of
| Finday is a gigantic cavern of natural gas, and
| beneath the gas vast field of fire raging with
| $500 degrees of heat Tie German professor
wishes his Buckeye acquaintances to understand
| that some fine day they will all simultaneously
| be fired with incredible velocity into
| the cnpyrean, leaving behind them not
so much grease spot for souvenir. But
| the American professor says that this appalling
revelation is all moonshinc, and in behalf of the
people Of Findlay we beg leave to thank him
kindly. The sense OF relief moreover, is not con-
| fined within the limits of an Ohio township. There
would be manifest inconvenience to the whole
country in this sudden transportation of many
thousands Of pulverized mortals to great height
above the earth, one of which would be that their
ashes drifting slowly through our atmosphere
would probably introduce another era of red SUM-
SETS and every newspaper office in Christcndom
would be submerged in explanations Of the phe-
| nomenon.
By the way. what has become Of those blithe
were seeking vainly to bet vast Of money
at two three to the election Of Cleveland?
They have disappeared from the public gaze, and
have probably resumed their familiar positions
at the frce-lunch counters. Meanwhile. The
Word' mildly asseverates that " Mr.. Cleveland
is still the favorite in the betting at slight Odds
The bobtail car and the reckless driver have
demonstrated their ability to- kill quite as many
people may be necessary without calling on each
other for assistance, and to find them going into
partnership is a little too much Yesterday morn
ing a lady as she was alighting from Twenty
thirdst. car struck by the pole of an ice-cart
thrown headlong several feet and seriously in
jured. OF course, the driver OF the cart didn't
see her. and Of course, tho car-driver couldn't
be expected to manage his horse, look out for
signals to stop, make change, ring up d!atory
passengers, and in addition care for the safety
of lady who was alghting. The bobtail COM
pany and the iceman doubtless think that they
are entitled to praise and thanks for not killing
their victim outright
This is the first campaign on record in which
the Presidency has been treated by a party as
subordinate position. The ticket which the Demo-
Gratis are running really reads follows:
For Vice President Allen c. Thurman
Platform Allen g. ThqWan S rSa oaSrahhA
-
"The Evening POST with our adventurous aid,
has discovered that the countries OF South ana
Central America are already large sellers in our
markets. and consequently that when General
Harrison and the Republican party propose the
extension and development of the export trade
by the establishment of American steamship lines
aided by favorable Government mail contracts,
those countries are not asked to allow US TO
sell to them without their being permitted to
sell to us in return. This was the point in
question, and neighbor reluctantly con-
cedcs it, after deliberately misrcpresenting the
facts, we have nothing to add beyond cautioning
it. to be more prudent hereafter Let it now turn
its attention to its own candidate, Mr.. Cleveland,
and try to find out some effective way of dc
Tending him on the Indictment framed, count by
count in TRIBUNE EXTRA No. 100, Democracy
Photographed It's candidate is in bad way.
As an organ it ought to pull itself together
and do something.
William L. Scott has broken down carrying
Cleveland. No wonder. Dlr. Cleveland is
heavy weight
The Tory scheme for enabling the Irish NOM
bers to vindicate their regulations from the Par
nelliSm and Crime" libcs and forgcres proves
to be clumsy device for entrappng them into
an investigation in which their advcrsarics would
have every material advantage. The three judges
will be left at liberty to frame the form of the
Indictment, admit or rule out evidence at their
discretion, and pass sentence in the name OF the
English people In the choice Of this jury of
three judges the Irish members have had no part.
Two Tories and a Unionist are empowered to con-
denim majority of the representatives of the
Irish constituencies This is a strictly English
idea OF an impartial investigation.
Dr. Cuyer called upon DR.. Storrs TO curse the
Republican party for him; and, 10! like BALKAN he
has blessed it altogether.
Republcans-and Democrats, too for the party
is receiving many acccssiOns from our friends,
the enemy, that THE TRIBUNE can properly
address itself to both parties-will find the text
of the National platform and portraits and
sketches OF the candidates the Protection or
American side In Extra No 1Ol. Constant in
quires have been made at this office for the
text Of the platform and the sketches. In conse-
aucnce OF these pressing demands this handsome
little campaign Extra has been published
"Thc Ncw-Yorlt Word' classes Walter Howe
as n Mugwump. lie is q member Of the Republican
County Committee just the same.
What does Governor Green. Of New-Jersey now
think of his abilities constitutional expounderp
lie was able to perceive large and fatal defects
in the County Option-Iligh-Lcen bill passed by
the recent Legislature, but fortunately only ma
jorty vote was required to override his Veto and
tho Republicans in both houses stood firm Their
wisdom is fully justified by the decision Of the