The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-06-13
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Stale butter-An aged goat.
Hard TO beat-A hard boiled egg.
Something that should be looked into
"a telescope.
A clear skin-Beating friend out of
borrowed money.
Siam is a great place for comfort.
There are large quantities of Siam ease
there.
Ada-"I had ten offers of marriage
last week." Ella-"How monotonous and
persistent of Jack. ~ Iid- Bit'.
Many otherwise domestic cooks are in
the habit of introducing foreign material
into plain soup. .-Ne'o York. NeDs.
1t seems to be the custom nowadays
for young men when they get day off
from work to get away oH.-Kentacfy
State Journal.
In the spring the Old mans fancy turns to
things anent his health,
And in LIVER regulators he invests his surplus
wealth
-Bost1n Courier.
"Mr. B., / wish you would not smoke
so muchn "Why, the chimney smokes,
my dear" "Well, if it does, it doesn't
spit over everything"
The Whitehall Times says that the
mouth is the window of the intellect.
The toothache must be a sort of window
pane.-N 10 Yo,k Sun.
Re o.ce, COOL friend you're not Roman,
And count your privilege as great;
For well we know in these days no man
Would have patience to write MDCCCLXXX-
VIII.
Dogs are not allowed to pick their
company. That is why you often see
SO dog out walking with a fifteen cent
man. YoRkerS Sa'eSmrn.
Here lies lawyer cold in death
With all paid up that's due him,
He lies at casa in peaceful rest,
For lyings natural TO him.
--lYdshington Critic.
Papa, what is Yolapul1l"
Papa-"Why it's the universal lam
guage." Minnie -"But who speaks it"
Iapi-"Nobody. BiagbamtoR Re0uj-
H'd0.
When the teacher asked: "What made
the Tower Of / isa lean!" the slangy boy
at the foot # the class promptly re-
sponded: because it was built that
way."-No ristora Hrtld.
Here lies young and simple fool
Who Natures law defed-
He volunteered to shoe tine mule,
AID that's just how he died!
Strings.
"a genteel carver" says a book on
etiquette, "always sits when he caryes."
Carvers who get on the table and have
wrestling match with the chicken arc
known by some other name. Rochester
Express.
Yes" remarked the second son of an
English nobleman who had been sent to
an American ranch for refusing to take
orders in the established church; ICON
science makes cow-herds of us ALL"
Baitim2re Pnss.
Old Wimplc (solemnly) - "Young
man, to attain success in this world we
must be up and doing. Do you ever see
the sun rise" Young Man-'Nes, sir,
occasionally" "Whenp "On my way
home. "-SUtiags.
Gosl,n-"Ye', Miss Smith, expect to
sail for Europe" Miss Smith Gnno-
cently)-'Indecd What oa" Goslin
(embarrassed)-" Well, er-to tell you
the truth, Miss Smith, it's on borrowed
money.n-SJtiHg.
Doctor (who finds a tramp groaning
by the roadside)-" What is the matter
with you2" Tramp (dolefully)-" My
system is all run down. Doctor-"B BY
whatl" Tramp" BY dog. g."-Bur-
EagtaR Free Press.
He-'I see that old Mr. Bently was
buried yesterday" Wife (shocked)-
"Why, is old Mr. Bently deadl Ho
(who has Just been "sat upon 1.-THE
paper doesn't say whether he is dead or
not; simply that he was buried yester-
day. .'-Lft.
GLOW hideOus Miss B. looked in that
new bonnet" 81 thought it was very
becoming: mt least the trimming was
very appropriate" 81 didn't notice the
trimming "The bonnet was trimmed
with ivy leaves. Ivy clings to old
ruins. .'-Ner lorb Aecs.
In the crush Of travel on a North Side
cable car last Saturday an accident oc-
cured that came near proving serious.
A Polish gripman, while leaning out Of
the car in front, inadvertently dropped
his name and it became entangled in the
grip. 1t was finally dragged out from
under the car with the aid Of several
horses, and the partially disabled coach
slowly resumed its travels. - Chicago ITt-
b"Hr.
prisoner" observed the Arkansas
Judge with impressive dignity, ''while
l have no objection TO your addressing
me iamiliarly when you meet me in my
saloon, l wish you TO understand that
this court, when in regular session, to le
atcs no insolent familiarities from any
body, aud | give YOU notice that the
next lime you address the court as
"Poker Jim" l shall kick you clear up
through your shirt collar. Go on with
the testimony gentlemen. - Chicago