The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1888-10-04
A REGIMENrAL REUNION.
How Comrade Cleveland Would Probably
Enjoy Himself.

now OOmraOe CleSelano NouiQ IIoDaDiy
Enjoy Himself.
Anderson Herald.
The recent reunion of General Harrison's old
regiment-the Sev-ntistb Indiana-and the
rousing welcome the boys gave their gallant
leader, reminds Us Of the fact that General
Cleveland's old regiment has not held any re-
unions yet, or If it has we have failed TO see any
notice Of it in the dispatches. Now. Why cannot
Colonel Cleyelsndis (substitute's) regiment get
up a reunion and have as soodS time IS Was
had by General Harrison and his comradesl
Major Cleveland would enjoy an occasion OF this
kind as highly as going fishing on M-moria
Day, or vetoine a pension bin 10 favor OF Q
crippled or diseased soldier, or the widow and
orphans OF some poor fellow who was so unfort-
innate as to lose his life while fighting for ha
country.
Captain Cleveland enlisted twas drafted) in Q
New York regiment, and served 10y substituted
CALAMITY with the b'hoys who nightly painted
Buffalo red during the war.
He returned from the war q physical wreck
1.-THE substitute did and, having made such sac
rihces for his cherished country (t cost him just
$50 and one glass Of beerl. he is in q position
to take part in reunions where the sacred mem
cries Of the war are discussed and kept alive by
the res ais Of heroic deeds and chIvairous &C.
ton.
When it came time for Lieutenant Cleveland
to respond to the address of welcome
at tie reunion OF bis tsubsti-
tute's) regiment he would be given an
opportunity to relate how he marched down to
the wharf and 'dickered' with George Bruiski,
whom he induced to take his place Ia the army
for $50 at a time when the government was pay
ing recruits a bounty of $500. He could tell Of
the solemn pledges be male TO assist his substi.
tute 10 case the latter returned alive and need
Ell assistance; how when the poor fellow came
home with incuriable lung troubles he sought
the promised help only to find that his principal
(Clevelsndl had grown f~orcetfui Of his pledges
ard deaf TO his tho substitnte'sl story OF misery
and want: how the broksn-down and poverty
stricken ''pauper soldier was shuhied about
from one public alms-house TO another until
death finally relieved the wretched being from
his intolsrsble suffering. How q recital Of these
noble deeds oy Sergeant Cleveland wouid arouse
the patriotic enthusiasm of the cid soldiers!
All this would be mild, however, as compared
with what would follow Corporal ClevelAnd's de-
scriptiou of a pension veto and the heroism re-
CURED to tackle a stack OF them numbering
three or four hundred. How the hats and hand
kerchiefs would fly into the sir when he related
the excellent jokes he cot off on the applicants
whose pension bills had passed both branches OF
Congress and failed to become laws because or
his vetoes.
But when Private Cleveland recited his oriei-
nal jokes the ne plus ultra Of enthusiasm would
be reached. Empty coat sleeves would futter
in ths air, wooden pegs, Which, In the absence OF
the nataral members, are made TO do duty ss
lees, would pound the floor. and weak and
decsysd luoes would vie with soundsr ones in
shouting their approval Of the gallant action Of
Ccmrads Cleveland in boarding the mnltitudes
OF rapacious pensioners. armed only with bis
naked pen.
How the asssmblaee would 60 Wild with do
light when the ioru.ar Mr.. Cleveland read the
bon mot be got Of In vetoine the pension bill Of
John W. Ferris. 1t is too rich TO be lost Here
IL 10:
."Ths ingenuity developed in the constant
and persistent attacks upon the puolsc treasury
by those claiming pensions, aud the increase Of
those already granted. Is EXHIBITED in bold relief
by this attempt to include sore eyes among the
results OF diarrh1a"
! Now, there is something for 40 ordinary man
TO feel proud of, but mere is something infinitely
better. and it proves the genius OF the man.
This Joke Is at the expense Of Alfred Denny.
but. OF course, he will not fail to sec the point
and must join in the roar OF laughter witk
s'The number OF instances in which those OF
our soldiers who rode horses during the war
were injured by bsine thrown forward uDon
their saddles indicate that those saddles were
very dangerous contrivances.
IL am satisdsd there is not a particle cf merit
in this claim. and no facts are presented to me
which enttle it to charitable consideration
But the boys are out fer a good time and the
mirth must De kept MP. and the htlarity over
the above has not died down until ne sets the
old fellows a going again with the followingg gem,
the laugh being on A.. j. Wilson this time:
Whatever else may be said Of this claimants
achievements during his short military career IL
mus, be conceded that he accumulated q great
deal OF disability"
If Mrs. Mary Norman should chance 10 be
| present she would feel called upon to invite the
boys 70 ''come and take something" al her ex-
pense on account or the refined humor Mr..
Cleveland dropped into in setoing her pension
bill:
"In an attempt 10 meet this ~objeetiou it was
claimed as lately "a 1885. on behalf of the widow,
that her husbands wound caused deafness TO
such an extent that at the time he was drowned
be was unable TO hear the fsrrymsn, with whom
he was crossing the river. call out tnat the boat
Was sinking. How he could have saved his life
IL he had heard the warning Is not stated
The entire time OF the reunion could not be
taken up with fun, so Mr.. Cleveland would be
compelled to drsist for want Of time TO 20
through the whole list, and With a promise to
| compiets his humorous remarks AZ the next an.
| uual reunion. be would give way to the regular
order of exercised.