The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-04-12
: / WIT AND HUMOR.

|
Statesman.
Robert (who was at the Office late
last night)-My dear, have you seen
anything of my boots? She (sweetly)
Yes, love, they are down here on the
hat rack.-L5fs.
The Empress of Japan has ordered
an entire new wardrobe from Worth.
The downfall of the Japanese Empire
is now only matter OF few Diils.-
Minneapolis Tribune.
Policemen have noticed that the |
man who sings the loudest ''We won't
go home till morning" is often the
man who has wife and doesn It dare
to- Journal of Education.
Col. Mosby of guerrilla fame is max
ing money practicing law in Cali1or-
MIA. Practicing law is as near as
man can come in times of peace To De-
ing guerrilla. Mobile Register.
If some philanthropist would like a
channel wherein to operate he mlgnt
FIX il so that the manufacturers wouio
make tacks that couldn't stand on
their heads.-Binghanato'a Leader.
In her remarks to Parliament the
Queen started off. my Lords ana
Gentlemen." Even the Queen is be-
ginning to see that there is a dlstlnc-
ton between her lords and gentlemen
Life. :.
Perseverance is great element OF
suceess: but the trouble with the rail-
road restaurant steak is that most
4ravelers only have about fifteen min
s,tes to persey eyere.-Jo"fndt oJ Edae6-
fion.
Puck wants to tie Pulitzer and Dana
together by the tails and hang them
over a clothesline, but how can that
a,e done when their tales are so no.
foriously false?-Bosto" C0nan'src'"'
Bulletin.
..Ride in the horse-cars? Do your
should think you'd be afraid of catch
inp cold" 20. there's no danger.
Our horse-cars don't go fast enough
for one to catch anything. "-Bosto"
Transcript.
Professionally intent: Hostess Ito
Young Spriggins. M. D).Dr. Sprlgao
gins will you have some OF the tongue!
DR.. Spriggins (absent-mindedly)-O-
er-let me look at it, please.-New
York sam.
Scientific men say that shutting the
ewes makes the hearing more acute.
This knowledge may be useful to nus
bands who have been listening for an
hour or more to valuable curtain
lecture.-Journal Of Education.
De mos successful man needs q
drawback now an den, er he faw gifts
wat success means. Etyo' staat out
in O. row boat on de ocean on a pleas
ant day, yo'r lfble toe float toe faf
fom sho' less stawm vans yo back
Judge.
the Empress Eugenie is an umbrell.
the handle of which is mass of rar'
Jewels. The umbrella was purchased
at the cost of $4,000. The Empires
has not used it since her HUSBAND
stopped reigning.
George, didn't know you wer
going away on hunt" 81 haven
thought of going, Naomi. Why?" Sc
inferred from a remark papa mad
this morning that you were" ''Wha
did he sayp'S He said you were load
ed for bear last night. ."-Nebrask
State Journal.
One of the Supreme Judges of In
diana lost $50 on three-card mont
East fall. and the other day bunk
steerer bled him to the extent of 5000
However, no one looks for sharpness
in a Supreme Court Judge. Dignit
and profundity are what he aims at
Detroit Free Press.
Employment AGENT will recor
your application in moment. John
show this lady to a seat. Fair appl
cant Indignantly Lady! Do yo
mean to insult me, sir? l never did
days washing in my life. | woul
have you know, sir, that l am ''re
duced gentlewoman. ."-Omaha World
He had told her that business calle
him to Europe and that he might b
gone a year. With pale face an
beating heart he nervously awaite
the effect. Finally the girl spoke
'''You seem a trifie nervous and e1
cited, Mr.. Sampson" she said. '.Ar
you afraid of being seasickP"-1h
Epoch.
Chicago ild--Mamma, my schoo
books say there is real bright ligf
called the sun and another light calle
2he moon and lots of little lights calle
stars. Chicago mamma Qighting tn
damp to get dinner)-Yes, my deal
''Well, it may be, but don't see ho
folks ever found it out. Oman
World.
Prince Krapotkine does not beliey
an prisons, and says if you will cuI
the diseases of the heart. brain an
stomach you will put stop to crime
That's just exactly what we do whe
we hang a man, your nibs, and
works to charm every time. Yor
nibs' theory is straight as a string.
Burdette.
Lady purchaser-Now. please do M
ask me, after have bought what
want. if there's anything else. If
mt with ole 1 taf
TO ask for it without being reminde
shat there is something else ! ma
Want. Do you understand? Sale
man-Yes'm. Anything elsep-Bosto
Transcript
see what they mean by inviting s
many people to card reception. M
P.-What's the difference, my deal
MRS. P. Gndignantly)-Wna til
difference? Why. good deal. Ho
can anybody play cards when there
such crowd nobody can sit DOWN.
Washington Critic.
sis California good country
which to raise potatoes?" sit woul
BE but for one thing" whats that
.Why, it's hard to dig them while "
are walking on stills five feet high
.sWhat in thunder do you want still
Ave feet high forP" ''Well, you Sc
Fattlesnakes cannot spring more tina
four feet. "-LGncoias Journal.
''I say, AIRY, what the doose do yo
carry that little bit of cane for
-'Why, ma deah boy, don't you Sc,
The contwast, you know; it makes n
twousers look more baggy. like Il
veal English swells, don't you kno,
You won't believe it, Fwed, but
Thought it out myself. l did, pc
honoh. Boston Transcript.
Hostess to young Mr.. Sissy-Yo
will kindly favor us with some musi
viii you not, Mr.. SissyP Young M
Sissy-Well-aw, Pm not quite n
usual self tonight, Mrs. Hobson; but
will-aw, sing little, if you lik
Hostess (graciously)-O, thanks, ye
are so kind. Even a little of yol
singing. Mr.. Sissy, goes great way
ba