The Memphis appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1886-1890, 1888-04-26
1T Is VERY, VERY FUNNY.
A BURLEsQUB OF MISS RIvEs' "THE
QUICK OR THE DEAD"
Agamemna Of Jimsonweed Virginia and
the Terrible Time She Had With the
Twin Cousins Rock and Rye-A
Nightmare OF the Imagination.

made such a sensation in the literary
world. The title he gives TO his pamphlet
oil thirty-iour pages is: "An Understudy;
After the Quick or the Dead" 1t is print
ed by the Gossip Printing company, SO st.
Michael street, Mobile. Following are
some OF the best hits made by the author,
and those who have read the story will
appreciate them, though they are funny
enough on their own account II will be
seen that the burlesquer not only keeps
the incidents and characters of the story
in mind, but the curious word coinage of
Miss Rives also:
There was yawping wind a-howl that
night with no mist to moisten it; yet it
cringed and whimpcred, snorcd and was
hushed necessarily, as though wet to its
skin with & blizzard.
Agamemna was deucedly cut up by her
beauless walk from the grocery, and from
finding thereat no letter from Rye; for she
had expected him TO write, remittingly.
In the jim-jam lightning she saw her
own profile Gear cut athwart the suave
and complaisant sky, like acids on litmus
paper, and the dry, whitey-mauve sand
swlrled clutchingly about her massive feet
in that wetless wind.
| And after what thunderous fashion
those feet pounded warmbathwardl
They hurled through narrow COW paths
like girls from st. Louis; spanned over
| great holes whose bottoms seemed rush.
ing up TO greet them; spurned huge boul-
ders as i they had been mere acorns!
Her good Aunt Fizzigig met her at the
| cottage door and told her tea was cold but
she replied that she hal had drop at the
grocery; hung her wind-worried hat on the
wide hat-rack standing arm.loosely, and
passed TO her own room. There she found
her little maid, Jerusha Matilda; Ajax, MS
! Agamemna called her because her color
deiied the lightning. The little black oc-
cupied the sole easy chair, fast asleep, be.
fore the fire; one cured-ebony foot, with
its hickory-nut colorcd lining propped I'M
steadily upon the great toe OF the other.
That great toe went through Agamemna
! like knife!
How Rye used to laugh at il! She put
both hands in her pockets and great gusts
OF anguishcd shake swept through her pal
sing entity; rending II with gnspous shivcr.
ings TO the inmost recesses OF her soulful
ness, ms a simeon OF regret sweeps the sand
surges Of sorrow, leaving only an agonized
-dull-dry-arid waste! For the pockets
were empty; and Ryc-he, the one sole
and responsible husband OF Agamemna's
briof married liie!- bad not rcmittedl
In the agonized dazo of that staggerous
impact, the stricken girl half rcelcd and
caught at the edge Of the mantle shelf.
Suddenly she released Il and chaSseed back
| with "A NgtlN NNatrI ~,
that shot Ajax straight out Of her chair.
spinning round on the memorous great toe
widc-wakcncd,
How Fritoncss doth elbow jostle Truism!
II is the direct Mcum Of the most irrelevant
Tuuml The inspimtor OF Agamemna's re-
sonant yell was nothing moro viperiicrous
than hali-smoked chcroot, lying ash-en.
cumherod on the little brass tray, Just ~
the man who had been smoking left Il,
three long months before.
Her eyes still fncinatc-riyiicd upon her
new find, Agnmemna gave arm-swcep SUI
pcrb toward the portal.
Cit" she Kissed in a stage whisper be-
hind her set teeth and fronrunder her bit
ter tongue; and Ajax slid from the room
into tho dark hall beyond, like q guilty
spirit through the back gates 81 Hadcs into
the blackness Of Acheron's pit. Then, with
panthcr-spring, Agamemna swirlcd her lis
som strength against the door. slid the
rusty bolt, then turned and threw herself
wildly upon the remnant OF her native
Nirginian weed.
Kicking of both massive shoes, with one
single impulse OF her shapely icinoral
muscles, she sunk upon the hearlhrug,
stretching the wool-stockingcd feet Ia the
genial blaze, thus screening her entire per-
son. The carbuncle waves OF her glorious
hiar had rippled down from their iasien-
ings, folding her white throat in a ruddy
glow, rs OF spun fire. With impatient
sweep OF those cleaning, strong arms she
clutched and twisted the shimmering
masses, that writhcd through her fingers
like bloody scrpcnts. and jcrkcd them into
a browning crimson coronct, above her fair,
broad brow. She then showercd frantic
kisses upon thc dry end hecigar. stump:
shiycfing pitiiul the while, and torn with
short, gaspy little gigglcs, like schoolgirl
with her ilnsi mash.
Then she III Il with lghtwood knot.
and began 20 smoke In n passion Of short,
quick pulls -brcathloss -noisclcs -horri.
Die.
None Of this viii seem ovcniralncd 10
one who has had the jim-iams.
Jimsonwccd was a typical old virgiaia
home.
Mid-Oclobcr ia Eden could not have
been nearly as perfect M mid-Octobcr at
Jimsonwccd. II N dampcr In Eden, and
consequently moro unhealthy.
Through one OF those plus guam Eden
twilighls AgamCmna lopcd lazily home.
ward on the back VI her iayorite 6roncho,
imported for her direct from siam by her
ovcrindulgcnt Aunt fizzigig. She was
appropriately dressed In bright red polo
shirt, pair Of Ryc's corduroy hunting
pants aud most suggcsiiycly sweet tan
stockings thrust into ned morocco boots.
Her glorious nounsun crown OF curling
locks swirlcd about her slant shoulders In
CLINT 81 dazzling tone: while the almost
too rich perfume from them, born Of Pears
soap aud natural oil, iioaicd out behind.
yard wide aud almost visible. Amid the
jngly dancing muses. Of these hypcram-
brosial curls the little scarlet polo hat
seemed a dingy spcck 81 brown.
II was AgamCmnn's iad 10 avoid the side.
saddle Her lcc, fell profoundly on either
aide % her slccd. thus securely balancing
her. Aud she sang asshc homeward rode;
sang song that her husband loved, In u
rich West India iruiiy yoicc-not u mel
low voice, but tribe oycripc. And tho
words were these
"Bouud 10 run ail night
Hound ~ run al day
Some 10 drfr money uu 10 bob tail nag,
"nul tst mine on dc Erayi'