, 1888-12-07
PATENT RIGHT A N
Men WIN Spend Their Time and None,
Building Castles in the Air.

sawf" was asked of a New York law
yer who makes a speciality of the pa
tent business.
That's a pretty difficult question to
answer, but one of the crankiest fell
lows with whom l have had to deal
was the inv entor Of a revolving pulpit.
The man had a box containing a small
model of his invention. He believed
that all of the churches in the world
would buy his pulpits. He wanted
me to obtain a patent and assist him
in organizing a company to manufact-
ure and sell the invention. Millions
in it, he said; and when 1 told him
that he was a fool and that if he didn't
skedaddle I'd help him down stairs,
he was us mad as a hornet. His in
vention was indeed unique. The idea
was to have the church circular in
form, with the pulpit in tho center.
h pews were to be arranged in rows
surrounding the pulpit, the latter
being slowly revolved by an electric
exertion on his part, would be turned
SO as face the different portions of his
congregation successfully. The last /
heard of the inventor he was in an
asylum for the insane"
Among the cranks who are the
greatest annoyance TO the lawyer are
the individuals who think they have
discovered the secret of perpetual mo-
ton. These persons have not quite
perfected their inventions, but each is
anxious TO protect his machine by a
patent and prevent others from steal
ing the fruit Of his wonderful dis
covery.
"a man once gravely informed me-
said the lawyer, ''thGN heo knew how
to make n watch that would never run
down. Now, such a timepiece would
be a godsend TO any person. No wind
ing, no key, no running down, DO
troubled / asked tho inventor il he
could show me a working model. He
replied that he had no model handy,
but he would explain his theory. 1
had the ~janitor bounce him from my
office without waiting for the proposed
explanation. Any person of sense
knows that no machine can be con-
structed which will create power in it
self. There must be some chemical or
other natural force to supply motion.
l have heard of n man who believed
that gunpowder could be made a cheap
and effectual agent for Fpropelling ma
chinery. His idea was to ignite the
powder, n small quantity at a time, in
q cylinder, the expansion of gas thus
created working a piston. 1 presume
an ocean steamer could be propelled
by means of a powder engine, but it
strikes me it would be a little awk-
ward for the passengers in case the
fire happened to get to the main maya
zine"
II suppose very few women oranks
trouble you" said the reporter.
wish your superstition was true"
SAID the lawyer, but Pm grieved to
say that it is not. There are plenty OF
women who imagine that thew can
make their everlasting fortunes In the
field of invention. As q rule, q woman
crank is ten times moro to be dreaded
than q man crank. She cannot be
bluffed. When one of her kind comes
to my Office L resign myself to cruel
fate. There are women who have in
vented fly traps, cradle rockers, carpet
sweepers, and goodness only knows
what not Some of their inventions
have been successful. Mechanical and
inventive talent is by no means con
lined to the male sex The most that
l have against q female crank is her
proehyity to talk a man to death.
Whenever one Of them enters my door
l mentally calculate, Heaven pre-
serve merh
What is your advice to people who
have q laundering to distinguish them
selves in the field of invention7"
II would recommend that they
make use of common sense. Let them
begin by making sure that the article
which they intend TO have patented is
both novel and useful. There are
thousands of patents which either
never resulted in profit to the owner
or involved actual financial loss. 1
know of q person who devoted twenty
five years and a large fortune inherited
from a deceased relative in construct
ing q steam man. His idea was to
have his man made of iron, the body
comprising a boiler and furnace, and
the legs being worked by a steam
engine. Well, his machine was finally
perfected to such an extent that It
actually walked. The invention was
patented, but the owner soon found
that the public demand for steam men
was very small indeed. 1 believe he
did manage TO sell n few of the ma
chimes, but they were of no practical
use TO the purchasers except as an.
amusing toy"
Coulu he not make money by eX-'
hibiting his steam men and charging
an entrance fee for the shown"
II remember that an enterprising
chap did purchase one of the ma
chimes and place it in q vacant store on
Broadway. The steam man attracted
visitors, who paid in their dimes to SEQ
him walk, but the show soon proved q
failure and the doors were closed for
good. The last Isaw of this particular
steam man he was reposing In q heap
of junk iron at an establishment on
Center street. Air ships and flying
machines are favorite dreams for the
patent right cranks. 1t may be that
a successful flying machine, which can
be steered in any direction, will be con-
structed some day, but l wouldn't give
much for all Of the inventions in that
direction which have come to my
notice. New York Telegram.
A Strongly Marked Contrast.