Morning journal and courier., 1888-10-03
RIDICULOUS.

Jones-"What ridiculous speech Mouthey madei" Smith-''I should say so. Why, one non sequitur follows another all through it." Time.
 Cranberries on the Cape are reported dam aged by frost. This only means that 1t will take an extra barrel of sugar to a quart Boston Post.
 Guinness made g., ,O00, 900 from his porter last year. Guinness porter must have learn ed his business in a Pullman palace car Lowell Citizen.
 No, Amanda, you are wrong. Sheet an- ohors are not used on ships to keep the bed clothing from slipping off in storms.-Pitts- burg Chroniole-Telegraph.
 Cousin Jack (who has just been showing Hebrew Bible)-"Funny way they have of reading books-beginning at the back" Mabel-"Why, doesn't everybody do that?" Life.
 A Chinese doctor says that opium smoking will prevent yellow fever. If indulged in consistently we suspect it will prevent not only yellow fever, but every other kind of disease. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Boston Transcript.
 Drinkwater-t'I trust, MT. Dumley, that you have learned not to look upon the wine when it is red" Dumley-'1 have, in deed" Drinkwater-'I congratulate you on your resolution" Dumley-"Yes, I drink beer now; I'm trying to economize. D. Boston Post.
 Impatient husband-"Where in the world have you been2 I want my dinner" Wife -"Excuse me, John, but ran down to the sewing society at five, and to my surprise it didn't wind up until eight" Husband "You mean 1t was wound up at Ave and didn't run down till ht."-The Sun.
 The Boston Transcript says that "when- ever you see big hat at the theater you may I1. -k.f-, 4Aara ,ak 11Ak 0f it.n But there are exceptions. Sometimes there Is 6 ten-year-old child under the abomi- nation, and she stands on her knees on the seat in order to see the stage.-Norristown Herald.
 A German professor says that thirty five flashes of common lightning would keep an incandescent lamp burning for an hour. Ow- ing to the difficulty of capturing a flash of lightning, and preserving it until wanted, persons who use incandescent lamps will con- tinue to depend upon electricity at so much per lamp.-Norristown Herald.
 A chance to Get Evsn.-Ohice Boy Please, sir, here's a man to see you" Im- peounious Doctor-"Healthy man" Office Boy-"Very much healthy. Got something in his hand looks like bill" Impeeunious Doctor (struck with 8 brilliant ides)-"Let him come in. I'll give him fifty eenty on account; he will faint, and I'll charge him two dollars for reviving him. "-Time.
 Student" wants to know whether it is proper to say "to-morrow is Sunday" or to- morrow will be Sunday" Depends to cer- tain extent on whether to-day is Saturday or some other day. However, we suppose to- morrow ''is" Sunday. If you can't say to- morrow "ia" Sunday you certainly cannot say tomorrow twill be Sunday" because when Sunday comes it won't be tomorrow. Tomorrow either ''is" my son, or else it never will be, you can bet your grammar backs on that. I am afraid it never will be because, come to think of it, tomorrow is the day your Uncle George said he would bring around those seven dollars your father let him have till the bank opened last Christ mas.=Burdatta in Brooklyn Eacla