St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-12-30
LAUGHABLE JOKES.
Poor Fuel - WattersOn as a
Preacher-OscarW eil-SOl Smith
Russell.

Times.
Sturdy Farmer-Want ter marry my
darter, eh? Wall, what hev We got ter
support with?
Impecunious Youth i admit, sir, that
am meagerly supplied with this worlds
goods, but think of my family connec-
tions. We have one of the finest gene
illogical trees in the country.
Sturdy Farmer-Huh! Won't keep a
family in firewood MORN three weeks.
-
Several nights ago Henry Watterson
and number of friends were sitting
in the reception room" OF Macauiev'S
theater, in Louisville. when the subject
of "Aim in Life" came up for discus
sion.
II do not suppose" said Watterson.
s'that any one would accuse me or
being avaricious. but let me tell you
that the truest aim in life is to make
money!
You surely DO not mean," Macauley
answered, "that you would give up
your editorial career for one more re-
munerative?"
Yes, | do"
"Would YOU preach for better salary
than the Courier-J0urnal pays you?'
Most assuredly. Why, sir. if were
called to Plymouth church at salary of
$4,000 per annum, [ would go and
preach: and, let NE tell you one thing,
boys, | would preach like h-n."-Ar-
kansas Traveller.
Oscar We'll. the stage manager or the
BOStonians, whose clever work In adapt
ing "Pygmalion and Galatea' for comic
opera use has added to his reputation,
had certainly interesting experiences
with Locke, who tiouriShed like green
bay tree for time as manager OF the
Inflated American Opera company. Ac-
rordinr to a friend. Who tells the story
unbeknown to We'll, he was approached
by Locke. who wished to have the opera
of Nero" adapted for the American
company. We'll had no objection, and
was asked to name his terms. After
due reflection he named 5000 as proper
recompense.
"Of course you understand" said
Locke, "wbat require in such cases?"
We'll professed ignorance on that
point. and Locke proceeded to eniighten
him.
"If you charge 5000 half of it comes
to me-"
But" responded We'll. 81 would not
do the work for $500. 1t wouldn't pay
me-"
.Oh, WELL" was the quick reply, 81
don't care what you charge. Make the
bill $1,000 if you wish to. 1t will 90
through all right, but must have half
of it,"
This is the story as it is told. Ii true,
it furnishes clue to MIR. Locke'S
| method of transacting business, and
adds to the number of reasons already
known for the ultimate wreck OF the
American Opera company.
A GOOD story GENES to the front on
| Sol Smith Russell. Some time ago he
was playing in the towns along the Ohio
river. There was one place the advance
agent was about to skip; they had no
| theater, but the people knew of Rus
| sells fun-making propensltieS and were
very anxious 10 have him there, and
| they told the agent they would fix up
| The court house with stage. curtain and
| all the necessary accessories if he would
come. and so it was finally arranged,
| The night came and the court house
was packed. People crowded in IN
til it became necessary to bar
the doors. One individual came
around rather late, and. being
| somewhat intoxicated, became wrathy
| when he was refused admission. He
raved and swore and threatened. and
| finally, in a mad frenzy, went to the
| rear of the house and fired a bullet
from a revolver through one OF the
| windows. The shot passed through an
| improvised dressng-ro0m, just missing
| Mrs. Russell, passed through door and
| dropped, fiattened and out OF shape, on
the center of the stage floor. OF course,
some excitement was created, but Mr..
Russell came forward, picked up the
bullet. assured the audience there
was no danger, and the play went
on. When the curtain fell on the
last act the comedian came out
again and made a little speech.
He said he regretted the little incident
that had happened during the evening
and was sorry the people had been dis
turbed. He spoke of the trips he had
made up and down the Ohio valley and
an occurrence like it. He thought it
strange that such thing should have
taken place in quiet little Ohio town.
Had it been on the other side OF tie
river where recently that sort OF thing
had been common 1t would not nave
been so surprising. This was refer
| ence to the late war. and Mr.. Russell
said many things about it that he felt
NOulU CACtCulbNiJ PiCoo~AAS I'm
plimentary to the citizens of so
LOYAL a state as Ohio. Mr.. Russell
was naturally somewhat surprised
| that when he concluded no one
applauded. Not sound was heard but
| the rustic and hustle of people leaving,
and when he got back of the curtain
one of the citizens committee met him
with a look OF intense amusement on
| his face and said: Mr.. Russell. have
| YOU got small map of the United
States about you?' why. no." re-
piled the actor: what for?" Well, |
| thought if you had, it would be good
| thing for you to study it. You made a
nice little speech out there for Ohio,
but this town happens to be in Ken
| lucky" Telling the story himself, Mr..
Russell says that cold chiils ran over
| him, and visions of bowie knives and
! pistols haunted him until he and the
| company had really crossed to the other
| shore.
| 1.-THE BuriingtOn's"
| Half-fare permit for clergymen for 1889
| is ay liable over the whole system
| l-.:,.rr c-ood ~ oil NabroSta and Col