Connecticut western news., 1888-06-13
HUMOROUS

The road to ruin-1he sldo door.
 A soar spot-An eagles nest.
 A man is not whole till ho takes . better half. ....
 To mako long story short, send it to tho editor of newspaper.
 The man who has seen better days is now having very bad nights I
 When there Ill bo 25 letters in tho alphabet -Whep v cad are one.
 Tho tin can does not point moral, but it very frequently adorns . tail.
 A girl may not be warliko by nature, lut she flies to arms liko v,teran.
 It was the lady who thought she was going to swoou who had faint sus7 picion. A narrow escape-A six.Iuch swido laddcr on the outside of a six-story luilding.
 There is something peculiar about eravity--iu the earth it attracts, while In men it repelA
 "How did you loavo KansasT 'By rail-I was tho only passenger, and there was only ono rail-"
 Many men with plenty of money in their pockets fl Id themselves 'strap- pod' in crowded horse car.
 A mau who hustled an eccentric character iu crowd was arrested for countcrfeitiug-shoving tho queer. - "Well," said an undertaken, 'Tm not much of Q fighter. but when it comes to boxing can easily lay out any man." 'Papa. give mo . quarter to buy somo perfume," pleaded little girl. '.Not scent" replied the gruff aud cruel daddy.
 Now let us to the picnic ground, With pies of peach and custard Where divers snakes meander round, And frolic in the mustard. A boarding house keeper announces in one of tho papers that ho hns "a cottage to let containing eight rooms and an acre of land"
 "What" said lady. "Io you think of platonic lovc7' Madam" replied the gentleman, 'it is liko oil other tonics-vcry exciting"
 Dudo (bad pay)-That stripo looks wcll-so does this. What would you prefer for yourself it you wero choos- ing7 Long suffering tailor-A check.
 ''Oh, my angel! You will be minel When shall speak with your mothor--. perhaps today, or tomorrowr ''Bcttcr wait until the day after. Wc havo a big wash tomorrow"
 There arc 3so. 900 species of insect' in the world, and if you lie down in tho umbrageous wood this summer, for monday nap, they will be happy to en- certain ysu by their distinguished presence.
 Mr. Slimbrain (f hing for compi- mcnt) -B ,bby, what did your sister say when she lcarncd that wa, going to stay to supper again tonight3 Bobby Let mo scc-Oh! yc', sho said MT. Slimbraia must think WIG keep hotel. Passionate L,vo o-Shc: Do you lovo mc, darling7 He: What do you want 10 interrupt mo for when am just adding up column Of f,urcs1 Of course lovo you! Plague takc it all Now Two get to add that wholo column up over cgan.
 Omaha child (vi,itilg relatives in New York flaD--Oh, you ought to sco the prairc., miles and miles and miles of beautiful fields and groves and flowers reaching way eff everywhere clear to tho bottom ot tho sky, all l around. N,w York chi.d-Mcrcyl What a lot it must cost for kecp-c fl the grass signs.
 At a crowded wcddiug whcrc sono curious spectator, at tho back of tho church so fir forgot themselves as to stand on tho seats, Bi hop Eastburn, observing this scandal. paused in tho sclvicc and said, in his most solemn tones: Remembering tho sacred char actor of thi, hous", let all who arc pros- ent sit upon tn, n,or aaI put their