The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1888-06-01
UPON THE BALCONY.

UPON THE BAL C0NY.
Professor Paul Microbo sat intently
gazing at the house across the way,
and for once in his life lounged in
perfectly natural position, with re-.
Taxed and human look on his face. 1t
would have been plain to the dullest
that for once in his life, any rate, the
profess or had forgotten all about him.
self. his stomach, his dyspepsia and
malarial tendencies, his theories on
bacteria, and, more than all, the i'm.
portant fact that precisely at 6:l5 it
was his custom to partake OF q pint
OF new milk scalded and two slices OF
stale Graham bread toasted. The
professor was tall, lantern jawed,
slabsided and sedate. He lived by
theory; in fact, life itself was theory
to him; he had theory by which he
fed his stomach, a theory by which he
pruned his mind and made it sprout
only on the north or scientific side,
theory by which he raised his chill
dren, and innumerable theories
regarding diseases on which no
wrote books, taught in a
college. lectured in Boston and
killed people in an experimental way.
He only ate certain foods, and then
only at certain times. and in the ca.
pacity of guest would have been, 1
fear. thoroughly impossible. A per-
son who shifts at q salad and asks
suspiciously "is that oil in it?" who
holds your Hospitality offered cup OF
tea OIL Mt arms length while he rudely
queries green or black?" who can't
or won't ride backward, nor sit in a
room without an accurately measure
cd amount OF ventilation, is, l con-
tend, a thoroughly impossible person
and not to DO thought of rs a chum,
a guest or i'll any OF the more init.
mate relations OF life.
Professor Microbe lived in city lar
removed from this gay, seductive
southern town. and his duty was far
from here, but what with his theories,
his dyspepsia and his skim milk sys-
TEN OF starving his stomach, he had
pretty nearly experimental himself
off into the land from which no ex-
perimcnter has vet returned, and had
been ordered of south for a complete
change OF scene, food, air and mode of
life.
Said his doctor to him: "For heav-
ems sake, man, quit your fooling with
yourself; shake yourself together and
live us God Almighty intended you
should. You are a monster nova
dcIormity. Eat plenty, drink plenty.
laugh, 90 to the opera. to the theat re-,
dance. and, ii Mrs. Microbo here will
let you, fall in love-" elf that is
your theory, OF course, DOCTOR" said
that sandy lady. Mrs. Microbe really
WAS q lady who seemed to grit in the
teeth. The professor had married her
in pursuance OF q theory, and the re-
suit OF that marriage had been two or
three surly, unruly, i'll hammered cubs,
who bid fair to grow to mans estate
heartily hating theories and theorists.
And so, to cut q long story short,
the professor came south. leaving he.
hind him everything and everybody
which comprised life from his point OF
view. The savants welcomed him,
and made much of him, therefore he
liked the south. A man would think
1T fair summer at the south
pole if only there was some
one there to keep his vanity warm
But the hotel did not suit him. us he
was constantly uncertain about the
newness OF his milk and the age oi
his Graham bread, and SO, by Il
stroke from Fortunc-,t merry dame
who marked him for u victim, and
intended to have some fun with him
he found lodgings Ill u charming
cd Spanish house in the very heart
oil the French quarter. 1t was q
room quite too lovely for dissertation
by II dusty old professor, however
distinguished, who lived on theories
and oat meal mush and was full OF
bacteria. 1t was a 'front.' room in an
entresol over a furniture shop. with
arched Spanish windows blinkin,
out on a balcony OF wrought iron OF
most exquisite beauty. In n corner
OF the balcony stood one of those
grand old water jars with peelinc
sides of yellow, brown and salmon
and which might have held two OF
three OF the forty thieves" but in.
stead WIS full OF earth, for u splendid
rose vine that clamhered all over tho
railing and sent it's tender. sweet per
fume stealing shyly into the room sc
desecrated by microscopes and bot.
ties of liver pills and bundles OF medi.
Gated red flannel. and the Lord
knows what in the way of instur.
ments for the detection and location
OF bacteria.
There was u faded Administer car
pet on the floor, a carved bed ii,
which had slept u king OF France and
aprince OF Spain, an armoir large
enough for a tomb for some Italian
benevolent association. Il dressing
stand inlaid with mother OF pearl
cabinets, arm chairs, tetc-a-tetes GOV.
cred in frayed brocatelles that had
cost fortune n yard. q pier glass
that one could not break with slelsc
hammer, faded tapestries at the arch
ed doors, old marble vases in the
inches where once some demoisel,
had prayed to her shrincd Virgin, and
in tho midst Of all this the professor
or, to speak correctly, his belongings
for at the moment the learned mem
Der OF dozen scientific societies. the
eminent Fellow and Phi. d., was hang
ing over the balcony watching the
house across the way.
Wax tapers burned on the marble
table and the steam had ceased from
the pint OF new milk in it's fragile bowl
but still he sat watching the
house opposite. He saw lights,
colors and many persons moving
about, chairs scattered any how in a
fashion that would have scandalizctl
Mrs. Microbe, or the professor either,
in his own house; books. music, flow.
ers. magazines. an open piano, IL gui-
tar, q dog all rulled up in old gold
ribbon. cat jinsling 81 silver bell at