Smyrna times., 1888-12-19
Mr.. Bowser goes to Church.
BY MRS. BOWsER.


After about a dozen digs I get him
out of bed, and in due time we have
| breakfast. After that the performance
begins. AS the curtain goes up Mr.
Bowser is heard saying:
" I'd like to know what particular
benefit we get from sitting in church
for an hour and a half and listening to
a dry old sermOn?"
Well, we must go for example"
Example Who knows whether
we go to church or stay home ?''
" Everybody knows, Mr.. Bowser
We are in a neighborhood of church
goers, and we shall be set down as
heathens if we don't 60"
l might listen to forty thousand
such sermons as we hear and not be an
iota better, but I suppose l must be
dragged of. Have l got a clean shirt ?''
OF course you have-fve or six OF
them. Go right up and dress your
self"
He proceeds very slowly up stairs
muttering as he goes, and in about a
minute calls over the bannister:
If there is anybody in Detroit who
can find my shirts I'll give him a $40
bill"
They are in the lower drawer OF
your bureau"
"Oh! They are What did YOU
tell me to look IN the closet for ?"
From the interval of silence that en-
sues it is fair to presume that Mr.. Bow
ser makes a discovery. There are five
shirts in the drawer, all alike as to
cleanliness, but he lays the five out on
the floor and makes a selection. When
he has done this, he calls out:
Have you given my shirt-buttons
away again ?"
l never gave any of your shirt-but-
tons away"
Then where are they ?"
In the shirt you have on, of course.
You never had but one set"
"Oh, 1 didn't! Some men have a
set for every day in the year, 1 sup
pose !"
There is another interval of silence.
during which he is supposed to get
into the shirt, but it was presently
brokeu by:
Where's my Sunday pantaloons ?"
hanging up in the clothes press"
They are not there I've looked
the blamed thing over forty times I"
On the first hook at the right of the
door"
What did you go and move them
off the first hook to the left of the door
for? Hereafter want you to let nv
clothes alone !"
L have about three minutes of rest
and then Mr.. Bowser inquiries:
Is there any such thing as a collar
IN this house, or have all of mine been
taken for dish cloths and mop rags ?"
Your collars are in with your
shirts. 1t Is strange how helpless some
men are"
There is silence for about five min
utes this time. Then Mr.. Bowser
comes down stairs with one end of his
collar buttoned, his hair standing up,
and his eyes having dangerous look.
Mrs. BOwser, do you pretend this
is one of my collars ?2 he huskily de-
mands.
Certainly it is. Anything wrong p"
Wrong! why, the internal thing
won't go half around my neck I'll
be hanged if this isn't the worst run
house in Michigan ~
OutVOn MS COlldE. IL buttons very
easily, and he goes back up stairs to
put On his neck-tie and vest and calls
out:
How much did that secondhand
man give you for my coat?"
| haven't sold any coat I"
You must have! l can't find nv
Sunday coat anywhere up here. 1t
isn't down in the basement, is itP"
l go up, and his coat is lying across a
chair, right where he flung it.
p" 1t will be the last time I go to
church for year, and you chalk that
down J" he grOwls as 1 descend to fin
lsh my dressing.
By 10 O'Clock Mr.. Bowser is dressed
and down stairs. Then he discovers
that his shoes want a shine and his hat
and Overcoat must be brushed. and
after pulling his right shoe on the left
foot he mildly observes:
Church church Don't you ever
say church to me again I"
By and by he discovers that he is
minus handkerchief and gloves, and
after going up stairs and hunting
around he calls out:
Did the young 'un swallow all the
handkerchiefs in the house ?"
No, dear, you will find a clean one
in your hip pocket"
Why didn't you say so at first"
"You didn't ask"
" Well, my gloves are gone"
they are in your cOat-tail pocket"
oh p! they are! You saw me come
up stairs aud never said a word. l
suppose now I'll have to wait half an
hour for you"
No, dear-pm all ready. l had to
stop to tell the cook about those ducks.
and to feed the baby, and to fix a but
ton on my shoe, but Pm all ready"
It's the last time fool around like
this. There /! my burned old watch
has stopped"
going"
And ! believe I've busted my sus-
penders 7"
L get him started, however. He
growls all the way to church, scowls at |
the minister throughout the sermon,
aud it's only after the service is out |
that he says to me as we walk home
ward
Mrs. Bowser, wish you would re-
form in one matter. Look at the num-
Der of people out to church to-day, and |
then think how they would estimate
us if we stayed at home. 1 hope to
see you little more enthusiastic about
getting out to service |"
gol" "
Then prove it by your actions. It's
D duty we owe to the neighborhood
and to ourselves, and if 1 can't get YOU
started without such a fuss as YOU
made this morning 1 shall 60 alone
hereafter l"-Detroit Free Press.
The infant reason grows apace and
'alls for one more application of that
good friend, Salvation Oil, which never
tisappoints but always kills pain.
It is neither pleasant nor profitable
%. hear people constantly coughing
when they could be easily cured by a 25
cent bottle of DR.. Bulls Cough Syrnp.
q Whv y ool~oI Al.l- NJ .. =,