Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-09-05

perfect rex.-Ex.
The thermometer must register, even
though it does not vote.-Boston Post
Eternal vigilance is the price oi
liberty. Mosquitoes come somewhat
higher.-Ex.
The man who marries for money
and fails to get it, generally has a
Sous and cts-less appearance.-Pitts'
burgh Chronicle-Telegraph.
The boy preacher, Harrison, is try
ing to evangelizs Wall street. He
will not be boy preacher when he
completes his task.-Manchester Un-
ion.
"The object of war" says President
Cleveland, "is the attainment OF
peace" Thought the object of wal
was the attainment of pensions. ns.-Chi'
cago Herald.
The man who makes an investment
for the purpose of getting something
for nothing generally succeeds in get
ting something. In addition to get
ting left he usually gets little expert
ence.-Ex.
"Now is the time to lay in your fly
paper" Yes, we know it. We went
home the other day and laid in about
three yards of it that had been put
on the sofa to rid the house of flies.-
Yonker's Statesman.
Compliments of the honeymoon
Bride-Henry, do you know that you
snore?
Henry-No; do /? I'm sorry &c
hear it.
Bride (dryly)-So am Puck.
A lady who is the proud possessol
of 1913 dresses is among the late ar
rivals at Long Branch Possibly she
intends to wear several of them at q
time as a protection against the Jer'
sey mosquito.-Pittsburgh Dispatch.
Omaha dame-Horrors, Jane, why
in the world do you put such water
as this on the tablet Why don't you
filter it
Domestic-Sure ma'am, the wather
is that muddy now, mum, it'd ruin the
filter.-Omaha World.
Robins on say, Dumley, that UNI
brella | lent you last week | saw
Jones carrying this morning.
Dumley-You don say so. | let
Smith take it Yesterday, and he must
have loaned it to Jones. That man
Smith can't be depended upon.-Ex.
A stage hero at one of the local the
aters rather marred the effect of his
lines the other evening when he rush
ed into burning building to save
somebody's life, exclaiming as he did
so, 81 will perish or die" To the
chagrin of the audience he did neith-
er.-Chicago Tribune.
Mother-Well, my boy, how do
you get on in SCHOOL, Can you spell
"girl 7"
Boy--Pooh That's too easy !!
G-i-i-r-l-girl! How's that2
Mother-Wrong; onlyone in girl.
Boy-Huh! You must have been
joining Browning club or something!
l never saw girl with only one eye
Miss Travis-Mr. Poseboy, may |
ask how many sisters you have?
Poseboy-Eleven.
Good gracious, Mr.. Poseboy 1t
cant be possible.
Why, yes, Miss Travis. There's
my own sister and ten other girls who
have promised to be sisters to me-
Burlington Free Press.
Mrs. Schemer (mother of two mar
daughters ideally, Mrs.
Sharpe, | can't decide whether to take
Edith and Lila to Saratoga or the
this summer. What would
you advise
Mrs. Sharpe very ingenious)-
Why not send them TO Sulphur
Springs, Mrs. Schemer? You know
they use sulphur in making matches.
Idea.
Gay, Jim, ain you member OF the
Sons of Industry
Yes, be. l was one of the first TO
iine the organization.
Then you want to 60 down TO the
blowout. They've hired hall and
are going to have speech bout
things.
Can't 60. It's right mean, too.
What's the matter of going?
Got to hold the baby while my wife
chops kindlin.-Fress Press.
Master Freddie thinks himself by
no means the least important member
IF the household. One evening, after
he and his sister had gone to bed in