davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

If you don't want to be swindled in
mummies, choose only the dried-up,
"Ornery" ones. There is said to be a
great deal of fraud in the mummy bus.
mess in Egypt. The dealers are aware
that purchasers will pay higher price
for well-preserved mummies, and as
no genuine mummies are we'll pre-
served they contract with tramps, beg
gars, ETC., for their bodies when de-
funct. The money paid to the num-
mics that are to be, of course, is spent
in dissipation which hastens their
death. Then the dealers pickle and
smoke their bodies until they are what
an ideal mummy should be. And the
first rich "Christrian dog" who comes
along sees them and pays a big price
for one of them, with an elaborate ped
igree running back to the days of Sc
sOstris thrown in.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

We commend to all wife-beaters the
saloon keeper of Philadelphia who
drove the partner of his joys to the
house top and then fell down stairs
and broke his neck. His method was
an improvement over the old plan of
killing wife and then making feint
to commit suicide.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

One of the ships chronometersa at the
Navy Department has a history. It
was used by Captain Hall on the Po-
laris, which was chrushed and sunk by
two ice-begs off Littleton Island in 1872
and was put in a cairn on the main
land by the BuddingtOn party. There
it remained until 1876, when it was
found by the British ship Discovery
and taken to London, and later re-
turned to the United States.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27
At a Picnic.

He with bunch of wild flowers in
his hand )-Ah, my dear Miss Sereand-
yellow, what kind of pOsies will you
choose?
She lin a perfect twitter)-Oh, Mr..
Smith Oh, te, he; te, he; 1 will
choose pro-posies.
Mr.. Smith sinks into the earth.-
Washington Critic.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

New York points with pride to the
fact that only seventeen of her city Off
cials are doing the State some service
at Sing Sing but she is strangely re.
ticent in regard to the 200 or so who
are fully competent to be enrolled as
members of the community within the
walls of that institution Boston Tran
script.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27
Rrnoa un.

You are feeling depressed your appetite is poor
you are bothered with Headache you are fdget-
ty, nervous. and generally out of sorts, and want
to brace up. Brace up, but not with stmulants,
basis very cheap, bad whisky and which stimu-
late for an hour, and then leave you in worse
condition than before What you want is an al
terative that will purify your blood, start healthy
action Of Liver and Kidneys, restore your vitality
and give renewed health and strength. Such a
medicine you will find in Electric Bitters, and
only SO cents bottle at Jas. r HO1ecker's, Drug
store
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27
Grand Lodge Good Templars.

The executive committee of the
Grand Lodge OfDelaware, Independent
Order of Good Templars, met in Dover
and elected the following officers
Prot. Wesley Webb, of State Capital
Lodge, No. l, of Dover, Grand Coun-
sellOr, vice H. w. Morrow, and o. w.
EastbOurne of Fairview Lodge, Pleas
ant Hill, Grand Chaplain, vice the
Rev. Joseph Dare, deceased.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

Office Boy Ito country editOr)-Man
outside, sir, wants to see the editor.
Editor (anxiOusly)-What does he
want of the editor?
BOy-says he wants to mop the floor
with him.
Editor (relieved)-Oh, show him in.
l was afraid it was somebody come to
stop his paper.-Life.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

Professor Lehman, of Philadelphia,
one of the most expert chemists in this
country, has analysed box of Rough
on Rats and found that it contains
sufficient poison to kill one hundred
and forty persons. And yet this stuff
is not only sold in almost every drug
store, but also by many dealers in gro
ceries. Almost daily we read of per-
sons committing suicide with it, or
using it to take the lives of others.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

w. H. S. Aubrey, an Englishman,
thus describes a typical American
" The passion for talk is unbounded,
and it is only equalled by that for titles
and decorations. Nothing seems
so delightful to the average American
as to take part in the professions that
are perpetually being got up, and to
wear the metallic or ribbon adornments
that appertain them. Of
political, labor and friendly organiza-
tions, to say nothing of secret orders
with grotesque title and paraphernalia,
there is no end, aud members delight
to appear in uniform, with cooked hats,
covered with cheap feathers, and wear
ing the inevitable sword and military
gauntlets.n
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

The locusts are advancing in a COM
pact mass over twelve miles long by
six in breadth in Algiers. A panic
prevails in the province of COnstan-
tine. The valley of the Guelma has
been devastated by the locusts.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

Until the present campaign, the star
spangled banner has been the emblem
under which both parties rallied, with
the exception of that of 1864, when a
part of the Democratic party enrolled
themselves under the stars and bars.
by declaring in the platform of their
National Convention that the war for
the suppression of treason was a fail
ure. This year, however, the Demo-
Gratis have adopted a red flag as their
symbol.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

A sweet girl graduate" wrote her
essay in two hours, but she has been
employed six days on her graduating
dress, and it is not finished yet. And
who can blame her? The graduating
dress receives much more criticism
than the graduating essay.-NorristO.On
Herald.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27
Thar Rus;uoss poo,.

Probably no one thing has caused such a gen.
eral revival of trade at Jas p Hoffecker's Drug
store as their giving away to their customers Of 50
many free trial bottles Of DIR. Kings New Discov-
cry ior Consumption. Their trade issimply enor.
NOUS IN this very valuable article from the fact
that u always cures ana never disappoints
coughs, Colds, Asthma, Bronchitis, Group, and
all throat and lung diseases quickly cured You
can test it before buying by getting trial bottle
Tree, large size 81; Every bottle warranted.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

About this time the indulgent par
ent of the college young mani is puzzled
by the following contradictory cores
pondence
Dear Sir; regret to inform you
that your son is too fast for the moral
atmosphere of the college, and unless
he puts on the brakes he must not re-
turn next term. College President"
" Dear Sir: Enclosed find your sons
bill for seven suits, English style. The
young man is too slow for this place,
and unless he spurges up, / will run
him out of town next term.
College Tailor"
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

The news from Explorer Stanley is
certainly far from encouraging.
Wounded, deserted by the Soudanese
on whom he depended so much, sur
rounded by hostiles, and with his re-
naming force crippled by disease, it
seems unlikely that he would be able
to hold out until assistance should
come. 1t will be many years before
African exploration shall have been
divested Ofthe danger which has robbed
civilization of so many brave and self
sacrificing pioneers in the cause of
science and of progress.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27
A Rose.

Only rose with blushing cheek
And perfume straight from heaven
Only rose but it made the morn
Seem brightest of all the seven
Only rose; but the wintry air
Grew warm and sweet like June;
And the desolate land, like q garden fair,
Where thrushes are singing i'm tune,
BlOomed suddenly out As, after rain.
The buds lead up to the sun
And the little bird shakes out his feathers again
And pipes The darkness is done"
So my heart shook out her plumcs of delight.
And looked up glad to the sky.
And sang to the swiftly vanishing night
Good-by. old Sorrow, goad-hyr
Only rose but the girl that gave
Was the sweetest rose of all
With her blushing check and the light in hereyes
Fallen from heavens WALL
Jos. ptjRC L. CtSS.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

A light blanket spread over your
horses when you are compelled to
leave them hitChed along the streets
will save them mach punishment from
the flies, and possibly save you the ex-
pense of a new pair of shafts.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

Lady of House Ito tramp)-If you'll
saw up that wood, you can have this
pie.
Tramp-Lemme tackle the pie first,
while Pm ekal to it.-Burlington Free
Press.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

Minister dining with the family
So your mama doesn't want you to eat
more than one piece of pie, Bobby?
Bobby-NO, sir; except when we are
visiting. Then I can have all 1 want.
~ Y. Sun.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

Horse owners cannot be too careful
of their animals this hot weather.
Careful use and frequent watering
ought to be the rule. Thousands of
dumb animals suffer and die for the
want of water in hot weather.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

The Middletown creamery made
2800 pounds of butter last week. On
Monday and Tuesday they made 600
pounds of butter each day. Seventy
four farmes now take milk to the
creamery.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

Here's to Old Virginia, the mother
of statesmen aud sluggers. May her
Republican leaders live and learn that
the way to win victories is to raise less
hades and more harmony.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

"The Postage Stamp" is the name
of a new play. The chances are that
it will stick fast in some One-night
town.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

Rev. DIR. Coleman, the newly elected
Bishop of the Protestant Episcopal
Diocese of Delaware, has forwarded his
acceptance of the Office.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

When the blood is loaded with impurities, the
whole system becomes dsordered This cOndi-
uon OF things cannot long without serious results.
IN such cases, q powerful Alternative is needed
such as Ayers sarsaparilla. It never fails and
has no equal.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

Ayers Sarsaparilla operates radically upon the
blood, thoroughly cleansing and invigOrating IT,
AS q safe and absolute cure for the various dis
orders caused by constitutional taintOr infection,
this remedy has no equal. Take It this month
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

Women generally treat their hus-
band as they do their parasols: Shut
them up when they get them indoors.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

The Fourth of July fund is ENJOYING
another boom. Drop $5 in the slot
and see what you get on the glorious
Fourth.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

Mrs. Langtry's pet dog has set eigh-
teen different times for its picture. 1t
must be q setter dog, we presume.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

The Springfield Union humorist has
discovered that the bank where the
wild time grows is the faro bank.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27
w BaggS'
Established and Reliable Shoe Store,
OPPOSITE THE FRUIT GROWERS BANK.

While changes in the Shoe Business so frequently
curing elsewhere in community, you will find change
here hope to be able to be found my post ready sup
ply you with shoes your and reasonable prices
can be had regularly elsewhere opening large stock
for the Spring Season. which you would do we'll see Come
and see me. will take pleasure in showing them.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

A man becomes hopping mad when
you tread on his pet corn.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

The sweet girl graduate is now rosy
and radiant.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27
The Political Convention.
A BUSY WEEK .

Last week was one big with the fate
of the Republican party. The Demo
Gratis at st. Louis shaped and hewed "A
tariff plank for their platform upon
which, by little deXterity in balan-
cling, any Democrat OF them all, no
matter what his economic opinions
might be, could manage to stand. 1t
IS true that the Convention endorsed
the Mills bill, but that was by IL Scper-
ate resolution which Gid not enter INTO
the platform and precisely what the
Mills bill now is, or what 1t hereafter
may be, is secret which only time and
Votes can decide. 1t changes as the
chameleon does, even as it IS looked
at; 1t was one thing on the day it was
endorsed, on the next it WAS something
else, it having meanwhile undergone
material alteration ia the house of its
friends, at the hands of its friends.
EAST AND WEST.
The Democratic tariff plank is slant
ed rather more in the direction Of free
trade than was that of 1884, yet it is
one which was especially designed for
use in either the Eastern or Western
market. The Democrats of the former
who are not ready to accept the radical
opinions Of the Watterson, Morrison
and Hurd school ofpolitical economists
may find in it some saving clause on
the subject Of protecting the interest of
American capital Il labor, and those Of
the latter are led to believe that these
dubious reservations are without real
meaning; that the plank itself is really
a free trade plank-the very sort they
want. Apparently all sorts of Demo
Gratis are satisfied with it, as there is no
good reason why they should not be,
1t being most elastic affair and easily
lifted upon any sort of tariff idea.
THE REPUBLICAN PLANK.
The Republican tariff declaration
which was yesterday proclaimed at
Chicago, was really inspired by Mr..
Cleveland's Tariff message to Congress
and Mr.. Blaine's Paris reply to it. 1t
was these two great leaders of their
respective parties who inspired the
Republican party in convention assem-
bled to declare in the most emphatic
terms in favor of absolute protection
for American capital and labor The
plank of the Chicago Convention is a
much more radical declaration in sup
port of the protection principle than
was that Of 1884. 1t is for protection
for protection's sake, not protection
for revenue, nor for any other thing
than protection. 1t is the most def
ant challenge to Democrats and free
traders. 1t makes the issue Ofthe cam
paign absolutely clear, and, if men
vote according to their convictions and
not their prejudices, all those in favor
of protection to American industries
must vote the Republican ticket, while
all those upon the other side of the
argument must vote the Democratic
ticket. Upon the issue of absolute
protection the Republican party will
force the fighting, and with better
chances of success than if they
had spoken with less courage.
clearness and decision.
THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27
WA. FAIRIES & Bro,
Furnishing UldGPtakGTS,
AND DEALERS IN
FURNITURE,
HAIE STREET, opposite ths Smyrna House
Furniture Of all kinds.

Parlor and Chamber Suits. Bureaus Bedsteads,
Chairs Lounges, Tables Stands. Mattresses, Spring
Beds and every thing in the Furniture Line, guar
anteed at or less than City prices for the same
quality of goods Jan 5u
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27
THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION.

On the day that the Republican Con-
ventiOn was described by many
newspaper correspondents as that of
chaos as a matter of fact its condition
was chaotic to the extent that regard
ing what it would do in the matter Of
choosing candidate for President was
wholly unknown, not even to be con-
Jectured by the most astute of political
managers.
Smyrna times., 1888-06-27

Job Work neatly done.
Custer chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, Black Hills, D.T. [S.D.]) 1880-1890, 1888-01-07
One of the Husbands.

Tid-Bits: .'Oh, woman, woman!"
bhreiked an orator in speech the other
night, ''thou art the light, the life, the
salvation Of the world / shudder
when / think of what this world would
be without thy gentle, refining, emo
bling influence. / bow at thy shrine,
acknowledge thy purity and truth.
There is nothing, nc nothing, so beau
tiful, so true, SO perfect as y
| reverence and bow down before
them!" And when he went home, he
said to the woman who was so unfor-
tunate as TO be his wife: What did
you let the fire get SO low forp you
knew I'd come home half froze. You're
just like the rest of the women, you
haven't got a thought beyond your
nose. Stir around and get me u cup of
hot tea. can't yeue See if you al do
that much for a fellow. I'd just like to
know what you women think you're
good for, anyhow"
Custer chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, Black Hills, D.T. [S.D.]) 1880-1890, 1888-01-07
Waiting for the Unborn Man.

Boston Courier: s,And as for mar.
rage" Blousabella observed. thought
fully, poking the toe of her neat ooot
with her umbrella and looking alb
stractedly at the two policemen who
were shellerInG themselves from the
rain in the doorway of the Old South,
II don't see why mamma need bother
about me. | to marry when the
right man comes along-provided he
asks me-"
.'Anhtbe right man?' the editor re-
peated, interrogatively.
''Oh, the right man would have to be
one to suit me. OF course he must be
good looking and clever and refined
and manly and well off and good ma
tured and of good family. Every girl
insists on these things"
Good h~eavens!" murmured the edl-
tor. How do ordinary men ever get
wives II all the girls insist on these
thingsp"
.'But there are three other qnalifica-
TONS Blousabella continued serenely,
''that | insist upon. He must be an
Episcopalian and a homeopathic and
love lap dogs. And just for this man.
ma says I am difficult to suit"
"Oh. not at ALL" the editor assured
her. mot difficult, only character
istiaally and beautifully feminine. Did
you ever advertise, my dear?"
Custer chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, Black Hills, D.T. [S.D.]) 1880-1890, 1888-01-07

form have become q trade mark, and the
good he has done is illustrated in the follow
Ing marvellous instance: Jan. IL, 1888,
George C.. Osgood q Co., druggists, Lowell,
Mass, wrote; "Mr. Lewis Dennis, No, 1876
Moody ST., desires 10 recommend st. Jacobs
Oil to any afflicted with rheumatism, and
desires especially to say that Orrin Robinson,
Of Granville, Mass, a boy of II years, came
To- his house IN the summer Of 1851 walking
upon crutches, his left leg having been bent
ut the knee for over two months and could
not be rel back. He could not walk upon
it. Mr.. Dennis had some st. Jacobs Oil in
the house and gave it to him to rub on his
knee. In six days he had no use for his
crutches and went home well without them,
and he has been we'll since 81. Jacobs Oil cured
him" In July, 1887, inquiry was made of the
Messrs. OSgood to ascertain the condition of
the little cripple, which brought the follow
ing response: Lowell, Mass, July 9, 1851
The poor cripple on crutches, Orrin Robin
son. cured by st. Jacobs Oil in 1881, has re-
NAMED cured. Tho young man has been
and is now at work every day at manua
labor. DR.. George c.. Osgood, NJ. D." No
other remedy can make the same showing.
Custer chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, Black Hills, D.T. [S.D.]) 1880-1890, 1888-01-07
Where He Fooled Himself.

\ mar dishonest enough to engage
90 do work, take pay for it, and then
not do it. would be commonly supposed
TO he equal to any kind ot thieying,
provided the chances for discovery
seemed slight. But snch a fellow
missed n rare chance the other day.
lie took a carpet from the house to
clean. and brought it back without
even having opened it. The woman
who wasst to put it down, judged 10y the
dirt that this was the case, but when
she found a diamond stud among the
dirt she had the unanswerablc testi-
mony. A member of the family had
lost the stud six months previous.
What could be more delicious than the
expression of the rascal's face when
COMPOUNDED with such evidence of his
knavery-an and a lost opportunity
Boston Hcrdtd.
Custer chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, Black Hills, D.T. [S.D.]) 1880-1890, 1888-01-07
A Valuable Medical Treatise.

The ~efition for 1883 Of the sterling Medical
Animal. known as Hostel er's Almanac, il
now ready, and may be obtained, free of
cost, of druggists and general country deal
ers In all parts OF the United States.
Mexico, and indeed IN every civilized por-
ton OF the western hemisphere This al
manac has been issue regularly at the
commencement II every year for over one
fourth o a century. 1t con bines, with the
soundes practical advice for preservation
and restoration of health. a large amount OF
Interesting and amusing light reading. AID
the calendar, astronomical calculations.
great care. and Will be found entirely ac-
curate. The issue OF Hostetter's Almanac
for 1883 will probably the largest edition OF
a medical work ever published In any coun-
try. The proprietors. Messrs. Hostetter Il
Co. Pittsburg. Pa on recent Of a two-cent
stamp. will forward "a copy by mail to any
person who cannot procure one in his
neighborhOod.
Custer chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, Black Hills, D.T. [S.D.]) 1880-1890, 1888-01-07

Detroit Free Press: A Michigan
avenue druggist has a big display of
mucillage in one of his show windows
with a big knock down on prices, and
an evening or two since a man entered
the place and in a very husky voice
observed:
Il don't find no fault with the price,
but have tried a half dozen bottles and
got no relief from this cold. Perhaps
you have got something a leetle bet
ter?"
Custer chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, Black Hills, D.T. [S.D.]) 1880-1890, 1888-01-07
The Pope a Great Gardener.

Court Journal: The pope has strong
horticultural tastes, and planted .he
Vatican garden with fruit trees and
vines as soon as he assumed the Papal
tiara. He takes especial interest in
viniculturc, but for some reason or
other the vines would not yield until
this year, when. for the first time four
casks of wine have been made from the
Vatican crop.
Every day during the vintage his
holiness came do VII into the garden
and watched the process, showing by
his sensible orders that he understood
the system thoroughly.
Custer chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, Black Hills, D.T. [S.D.]) 1880-1890, 1888-01-07
Feeding Steers OF Different Bresds--tarm
Notes.

ANCbGSe
The Agricultural college of Michigan
has been experimenting with the feed
ing OF steers Of different breeds, repre-.
sentatives having been taken from the
Shorthorns, Galoways. Herefords, Hol-
stems, Jerseys and Devons. They
were brought together at weaving
time, cared for under the same condi-
tions and a careful record of the food
consumed, ito amount end quality was
made as well as the mode of manage
ment. The animals were not selected
on account of phenomenal develop
ment, and it is not out of place to state
that a single test will not positively
demonstrate the value Of any particu-
lar breed. The ratio of gain is not in
strict accordance with the amount OF
food consumed and it is noticeable that
the gain for each month and the pro.
portion of food consumed vary greatly
so much so as to render it almost i'm.
possible to estimate the exact gain an
animal should make on a given quaint
ty of food, but the changes in the pro-
portions of hay and grain as affecting
the ratio of gain are very marked. The
greatest gain from day Of birth was
made by a Holstein, and the lowest by
a Jersey, the gain of the former having
been 2.0S pounds daily, with the Gal.
loway following, with a daily gain OF
1.95 pounds; next came a Shorthorn
with a daily gain of l.91 pounds, the
others having been but little less.
But the gain in weight though some
| what regulated by the food consumed,
showed an advantage in favor OF some
breeds as being capable of producing a
large amount Of beef, ut the lowest
possible cost, for with the exception
of the Jerseys and Devons the Hol-
stein consumed less food than the
others, while the Jerseys and
Deyons will not gain in weight even in
proportion 10 the food eaten. Looking
at this test in one direction it is a de-
cisive victory for the nolstein as a
beef-producing animal, but as there
were two Holsteins represented the
second animal did not show as good a
record as the first, yet its gain in pro,
portion to feed consumed was greater,
while its daily gain was fully equal to
steers of other breeds. 1t is not to be
supposed that this test is disparaglng
to the S%horthorns, Galloways and Here
fords; but it demonstrates that though
the Holsteins are producers of milk
and butter rather than of beef the
steers of the breed can successfully
compete with the best beef-producine
breeds of the country. We may no,
have reached that perfection in breed.
ing which permits US to denominate
any breed of animals IS an .'all-pur.
pose" one, but in the various tests
that have been made to determine the
best beef, butter and milk producers
the Holsteins have come nearer earn
ing the distinction Of call purpose
animals than any other.