St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-04-22


thereby make themselves amount to
something. SO they try to make US APP
pear ridiculous and hope thus to turn
the tide of domestic reform back upon
their wives and Overwhelm them before
they can strike blow"
''That's just it," said Mrs. Upall
night, by way of emphasis.
s'My husband isn't worth talking
about" piped Mrs. Jerker, gratuitously
hurting this chunk of information right
into the midst of the gathering.
81 second that notion" said Mrs.
Hanky, from chair near the door.
"What motion?" inquired Mrs. Curl
papers.
Mrs. Hanky.
What do you know about my hus-
band?' demanded Mrs. Jerker, flying
to her feet.
Nothing, Mrs. Jerker," the other
lady replied; "but you say he's not
worth talking about, so 1 move and sec
ond that we don't mention him.
"He's just as good as your husband
ever dare be, Mrs. Hanky!" said Mrs.
Jerker, eXcitedly.
eff he's no better, Mrs. Jerker, he
ought to be taken out and hung" re-
piled Mrs. Hanky calmly, but contemp
tuouSly.
''Slapp her. face" suggested red
haired woman, who sat next to Mrs.
Jerker.
s'Tell her about the time her husband
was caught stealing pipes at wake"
said another to Mrs. Hanky.
Ladies! ladies!" shouted Mrs. Curl
papers, hammering the table with her
gavel. ''Ladies, we must have order, or
the club-meeting can't proceed"
Mrs. Jerker threw herself pettiShly
ton of Mrs. Hanky, who is a large
woman, with light hair and rosy cheeks,
and who prideS herself upon her COM
posture.
Ladies'" said Mrs. Curlpapers in a
commanding tone, this is no way to
carry on. Husbands who, as class,
seem to have very little respect for
themselves, may do that sort of thing
and think they are big men; but we are
women, my dear friends, and, though it
is our proud prerogative to wag our
tongues as we will, we are not privi-
legged to abuse each other. Save your
abuse, sisters, for the men and let each
other alone.
Excuse me, Mrs. President" said
Mrs. Amanda Highcheekbone, "but how
are you supposed to run these meetings
according to Hoyle OF Mr.. Cushions
almanac, which?'
'"The sister is out of ORDER" Mrs.
Curlpapers replied, firmly. ''Take your
seat, Amanda, and wait till the chair
sees fit to address you. The committee
on night keys will now report"
Mrs. Sourface, as chairWOman Of the
committee, read the report. 1t recited
the efforts of the committee to ascer-
tain how many members permitted
their husbands to carry night keys.
"Only one member of the club" said
Mrs. Sourface, in concluding the report,
twas found whose husband did not have
a night key The lady is not here, or l
would give her name and let her speak
for herself. She said her husband was
too mean to buy key or have a latch
put on the door, and when he didn't
have sense enough to wake up all the
neighbors on the block by pulling the
bell or kicking the front door, he
crawled in through the kitchen window
OF tried to burglar the cellar"
SWELL" said Mrs. Curlpapers, com
menting on the report, 81 don't approve
so very much of night keys, though l
let my husband carry one because he's
such night-hawk, you know. But
when a woman has husband who
doesn't think his own home worth his
attention until every other place in the
town is closed against him, 1 think a
night key is boon and blessing to
her. don't know what [ should do if
my husband were to lose his key. Some
nights few rowdy friends of his bring
him home and pull the life out of the
bell. Then have to get up and go out
and snatch him off the doorsteps before
the police officer can come around and
hit him on the soles of the feet with
with his club; but most of the time
he has sufficient control of his
faculties to let himself in and hang his
boots on the hat-rack OF hall lamp, and
he couldn't do this unless he has his
night key. The sister referred to in this
report, whose husband is an all-nighter
without a latch key, deserves our SINGER
est sympathy. We all know what she
must Suffer-the misery of being
dragged out of warm bed at a. m. to
open the door for lOafer who doesn't
care whether, when he gets home, he
finds his wife murdered OF his house
burglariZed. We all appreciate Mrs.
What'shername'S terrible feelings when
she has to carry her husband up stairs
at this early hour, and peel his clothes
and boots off to keep him from smother
ing Or catching pneumonia in his sleep.
If he had night key she need never
worry herself, but wake up contented
and rested in the morning to find the old
man asleep at the foot of the stairs or
hanging in blissful slumber across the
balustrade. That's the beauty of the
night key, sisters; it permits your hus-
band to have his little racket without
interrupting your dreams or SCATTERING
your nerves. / move, sisters, that we
indorse the night key''
The club gave three cheers for their
old standby.
''And / move that we contribute 30
cents from the chewing-gum fund for
the purchase of night key for our
afflicted sisters"
The club voted the 40 cents without