Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-23
Mr.. Bowser Goes to the Theatre.

you can be all ready for an evening
out" erft F.1 w
"Are you goingf"
Certainly. Is there anything so
very strange in my going to the the
ater ?"
but you never 60, you know.
You haven't been for years"
Suppose / haven't"
"I'm-Tm afraid you won't like it. !"
"Oh, you are? Well, you needn't
worry yourself. I don't suppose I
shall like it, but I'm going just the
same !"
"And you won't get vexed over
anything?' l persisted.
Mrs. Bowser, are you talking to
me or to that hall-tree p he exclaim
ed. 81 think l know enough to go to
theater and behave as other people
do. If / don't I'll submit to be
thrown out"
1t was with fear and trembling that
l left the house that evening. Mr..
Bowser is very odd in some of his
ideas, and l saw the shadow of coming
trouble. We had seats at the end OF
a row, and we had just got comforta-
bly, settled, and the curtain was about
to go up, when nine or ten people ar
rived to take seats beyond us.
"Eh, what's this? queried Mr.
Bowser to the first, who was very
fat man. Don't you know that this
play opens at s o'clock ?"
Suppose it does p was the surly
reply.
"Then suppose you and all the rest
of this mob get here in decent season
No one but a bullet headed ignoram-
us would come jambing in here at this
hour !"
quieted Mr.. Bowser down little
by telling him that it was the custom
of the theater, and that people who
can't pay street car fare, or who have
to dodge and twist to avoid creditors,
always come in late, but it wasn't five
minutes before couple behind us be-
gan talking in loud voice and he
turned on them with:
"Do you people take this place for
a saw mill :"
"No, sir" curtly replied the young
man, who had strong smell of horse
about his clothes.
"Then stop that noise p
quieted Mr.. Bowser again by tell
ing him that it was the custom of the
theater, and that a certain per cent.
of people always came to visit instead
of to see, and / got him halfway
through the first act before he had
another eruption. Then man be-
hind us began to hack and cough in
the most forlorn way, and Mr.. Bows
er turned OH him with
"Did you have that cough before
you came in here?"
"Yes, SIR"
"And you knew you'd keep your
internal racket going all through the
play ?"
81 did"
"And you don't care copper for
other peoples rights ?"
"No, sir"
"Well, l sized you up for hog
half an hour ago, and I'd give fifty
dollars to be out of here and have my
hands on you for five minutes,
| got one of Mr.. Bowser's hands
and hung on to him while | told him
that | had sat in theater time after
time when dozen men were blowing
their noses, dozen more hawking
every two minutes, and third. dozen
blowing their whisky breaths about.
He was all right until the act closed,
Then the fat man and two others in
our row got up to go out and gulp
down a glass of beer in the nearest
saloon.
"Are you sick, or is the place on
fire, that you must crowd out Z" asked
Mr.. Bowser.
"None o. your business !" replied
the fat man.
"Well, you pass here if you can !'
/ told Mr.. Bowser that it was the
custom in every theater for every
loafer to bob up and rush out for bis
beer or whiskey at the end of every
act, no matter how many ladies he
had to crowd past or how many child
rem he stepped on, but he replied
"Well, we'll begin to break that
custom up right here and now !"
/ pleaded with him to let the poor
fellows out. II had been at least
three-quarters Of an hour since any of
them had had glass of beer, and if
they were deprived Of it much longer
no one could predict the consequences,
but not one of them got out at our
end of the row. ! was thankful
woman when the curtain went up on
the second act. For about ten min
utes Mr.. Bowser settled himself down
and seemed to take comfort, and then