News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-06-07

to take care of.
| Gentleman-A big robust man like
you ought not to beg.
Mendicant with dignity)-I am not
begging for myself, sir; am begging
for my blind brother.
POWERFUL DOSE.
This is the order which a little Girl
brought into Lewiston druggists store
the other day. 1t was written on dirty
piece of note paper, as follows:
'tMister Druggist: Please send ipecac
enough to throw up four year old
g.rl."
INDIAN SLANG.
"Let her go, Gallagher, is a choice
bit of slang not heard here to any extent,
though an Indian boy seems to have
come across it somewhere in Indian
Territory-evidently not from the print
ed page. He writes to friend: ga is
gone to U, but he will e-le back before
this letter go-gal-la-ga gets to you."-
Humpt0n (Va.) School Record.
| PROUD OF HIS DOG.
Mrs. SMITH left the house a few
minutes this afternoon, John, and baby
destroyed those two cigars you left lay
ing on the footrest.
Mr.. Smith-The meddling little thing!
She ought to have been punished. Those
cigars cost me 90 cents.
Mrs. Smith-And your terrier puppy
completely ruined my new spring bon
net.
Mr.. Smith-Ho! no! no! The friskv
little rascal. I tell you, Maria, there's
mettle in that pup.-B6nghanto Re
publican.
CONFIDENCE.
Woman Ito tramp)-And if I give vou
a nice plate of hash you promise to saw
some wood?
Tramp-Yes, m.
Woman (doubtfully)-I don't know
whether | can put confidence in you or
not.
Tramp (reproachfully)-You ought to,
ma'am. have confidence enough in
you to eat the hash.-Harper's BGzar.
SINGLE ADMISSION ONLY.
Rastus "a late acquisition from the
corn field on presenting a visiting card
to his mistress) Mum, there's two of
'em waiting at the door.
Mistress-Why on earth didn't you in
vite them in?
Rastus-Sartinly, mum. you didn't
want two to come in on one ticket, did
y ou?-Ha1per's Bazar'
DRY SERMON.
Mother-in-law Ito daughter, returned
from church )-How was the sermon to-
day, dear2
Daughter-Well, to tell the truth,
mother, found it trIfe dry.
Mother-i Observation-Disclosures John? Dldnt t
he come home with you?
Daughter-Only part way, mother.
Mother-in-law with intense sarcasm)
I s'pose he found the sermon dry, too?
". 7. Sun.
A GENTEEL CARVER.
ga genteel carver" says book on
etiquette, ''alwavs sits when he carves."
Carvers who get on the table and have a
wrestling match with. the chicken are
known by some other name.-Roc4sster
Express.
ARITHMETICAL.
Teacher-Now, remember, Robert,
that horses front legs, as you cali
them, are his fore legs. VIII you try
to ?
Bobby-Yessim.
Teacher-That's good boy. Now,
before dismiss you, tell me again how
many legs a horse has?
Bobby (promptly)-Six legs.
Teacher-Six How do you make
that out, Robert?
Bobby-The two legs what's his hind
legs and the fore legs what's his front
legs is six legs.-Bjngtamto Republican,.
THE MATRIMONIAL.
Marie, said Mr.. Wipedunks, as he
came in and threw a folded document
on the table, 81 have just insured my
lite Tor 20, 900 IN your favor. There is
the policy"
''Thank you, Bilkerson," said Mrs.
Wlpedunks. 81 hope it will be many
years before it will be of any use to me,
if ever"
"lt will be of much use to you if you
wish to marry again, he growled. "With
So'U0O IN cash you can pick out almost
mo, Bllkerson," she replied, affec-
t1onately, 81 think [ should want
change next time. "-Chicago Times.
THE TOWER.
"What made the tower of Pisa lean 90
asked the school committee man of the !
candidate for teacher he was examining,
and the young man answered absent
81 don't know, Sir, I am |
sure, unless it may have spent q Winter |
IN District No. 4 boarding round. -
SonaerotI1e Journal.
Customer Ito barber)-See here, my
friend, you are shaving slices of my
Barber-Yes, sir; but the slices are
very thin.
OPENING THE SEASON.
Mother Ito boy who was badly used
for goodness sake, Adrian
Adrian-Don't say nuthin', Mother.
Do you hear them shouts2 We have
beaten the champion Mudlung nine and
killed an umpire
A STARTLING INNOVATION.
Gus-Where have you been, Jack?
Jack-To a swell o'clock tea at the
Hobson's. [ tell you, Gus, Mrs. Hob
son is woman of resources. She
a novelty this afternoon
which never saw before at such an
affair.
Gus-What was it
Jack - Enough to eat. - Ha1per's
BdzGr.
A Logical SaleswOman. ]