St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-12-26
THEORY AGAINST PRACTICE.
One Instance in Which Book
Learning Proved Utterly Incor-


Learning Proved Utterly IncOr-
rect.
New York Tribune.
''I'm bunged up considerable, said a
red-headed young man as he stood at
the foot of Cortlandt street, waiting flor
the ferry, and felt of the repairs which
had been put around ON his face in the
way of court-plaster: Pm busted
pretty unanermously, but / guess | can
hold out till strike Jersey" Ig
been in fight?' asked sympa-
thetic bystander. 81.
'.Naw-I didn't get started 'nough so
you could call it a fight. Eye been
licked, though, and | ant tryin' to dodge
the ISSUE"
What got you into the trouble?"
"Edjercation, sir-readin'-when l
orter been in better business; D'lleyin
a lot of blame fool truck jes' cause it
was in book f.
''How was it?"
''W'y this way: You see, had one o.
these 'ere gymnaZerum books and read
it, Says the book like this, you see: a
man with his waist bigger round than
his chest ant no good physically
That's what the book claimed. lHe's
lfble to give out at the critical mo-
ment,' says the book. And if he's
fat, went on the book, he's dead sure to
give out at the critical minute. He's
short-winded, and his muscles is fiabby,
says the book. He amt, no good on
earth, says the book awful certain, and
no man needn't be 'fraid to tackle him.
He's a 'cumbrance on the world,
says the book. and he ort to train
and get down the size of his waist and
boom the dermenSions Of his chest fore
some small man sWatS him one and
walks on him. This was the idea the
book held and took it all in"
Didn't the theory hold good in prac-
tice?"
Il amt been able to see it in that
light yet. | come over from Jersey this
morning feeling pretty o. X. My dl-
mansions are all right. You can crack
hick'ry nuts on my chest-1 amt short
winded. Nothing fiabby bout my
muscles. don't give out at the critical
moments. says l. After awhile l was
up on Blocker street lookin' in a
winder watchin' a Frenehman cook
pancakes on an iron footstool
man big's a load q hay. He tried to
L uH VII ulO ny tCiilu liC " tiOhO Oh. L
sized him up. 1t was a foot further
round his waist than around his chest,
if it was an inch. He was fat, too.
Consequently, says [ to myself. your
tlabby and short-winded, and 'bove all
you'll funk at the critical moment. Then
says /, Old boss, dry up or III mob
youp He steps up and | sails In, de-
pendin' on the critical moment for him
to cave"
''But he didn't do it?"
"Don't know, you see; was dead at
the critical moment so l couldn't tell.
But have Sneakin' lowdown notion
that he didn't. / couldn't swear to
nothin', but It's my 'pinion that at the
critical moment he was walkin' around
on me and reachin' down and poundin'
me with a black club bout the size of a
bananner. He may have slumped at the
critical moment, but I'd sooner think
that he was dancin' on a blasted fool
about my size durin' sey'ral critical
moments. When l came to put on
my boots which he had pounded off,
me and went and bought court-plaster
by the roll like wall paper. l am now
gOin' home to burn up a green-cOvered
book on physical development, and
when [ get my arm out of the sling
shall go to work again and try to forget
some things that have read. Good
by"