Morning journal and courier., 1888-05-16
DIFF.

If your face is pale from dyspepsia diet Boston Courier.
 An experienced guide always follows his knows.-Yonkers Statesman.
 The artillerymen always ought to live 1T bang-up style.-Boston Post.
 Straw wberries are not so sour now by fifty cents as they were a month ago.-Somervillt Journal.
 tsCan the old lovep asks a recent writer No, don't can it; preserve it by all means.- New York Journal.
 "This is a backward spring." said the young lady as she adjusted the wires of hel bustle.-Boston Budget.
 To the man who has taken too much of the cup that cheers real estate becomes reel es. tate.-Merchant Traveller.
 It is stated upon reliable authority that the teacher with glass eye has at least one re- fractory pupI.-Tid-Bits.
 Come to think of it pneumonia and a three mile ride in an open car together are pretty cheap for five conference.-the Journal
 A Pittsburg editor says: Husbands are not made to order" We'll bet he cannot convince most wives that they are not Christian at Work.
 The tenor in fashionable church choir found to his horror that his voice all at once had become unpleasantly thick. He strained it; but without any good effect.-New York Tribune.
 Passenger (on southern railroad )-"How long will we stop at the next station for lunch, conductor?'' Conducter-'I dunno yet telegraphed ahead for fried chicken, and if it's ready when we get there we won't stop more'n ten minutes. ."-Tid- Bits.
 A little boy who heard his father reeite from Gray's "Elegy" the lines:
 sfEuII many a gem puraSt ray serene
 The deep, unfatnomed caves of ocean bear.'' asked: "Why don't they have one of those ocean bears in the circus?"-Lynn Item.
 Mir. Harry Walnut (is anxious to drive away his rival, but has forgotten the name of his charmer)-As was saying Miss-er-er CT (then with great presence of mind and in his happiest manner)-well, let us say Jones, for short.
 She (somewhat rufied) )-Yes, that is my name.-Life.
 ''That is ominous," said 8 visitor in the House of Representatives as he gazed down on the members. ''See," he continued, ad- dressing a friend, Chow many of them are leaning their chin on their hands," "Well, what of that?o inquired his companion. I'll is evident" said the observant visitor, "thai all those members are preparing to make tar if speeches, for they are now resting theil mouths preparatory to beginning. "-C Chicago News.
 'My poor man" said the sympathetic visi tor to the convicted burglar, 'T pity rather than blame you. If you had had the advan tage other men have had your career might have been so different. You were reared among scenes of vice and have passed your life in moral darkness-is it not sop ''l can't deny it num-" replied the barglar ''Pve allus been obleeged to do most of my work in the dark. .''-Chicago Tribune.
 ''So Muttonhedde and Pushwell have guar. relied, have they"
 "Yes-an awful row."
 "H'mi They're both pretty bad tempered, so suppose good many high words passed between themp'
 "Quite the contrary, dear boy; good many low ones."-Truth.
 Fisherman at the dock to dude: Go way.
 Dude-Eh? Whats thats
 Fisherman--Go 'wAy. Your trousers are so loud that they frighten the ish.-Burling- ton Free Press.