The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-04-11
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Mrs. a. II. treat, IN SUtingS,
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
The point in question--An interroga-
ton point.
A marked effect The work of ship
ping clerk
A tug is the only thing that has its
tows behind
A Standing Offer-''Will you take my
seat, madam i"-Lite.
We've all heard of angry seas, and
that's why the waterspout
The flour Of the family you will often
find becomes college bred.-S dtesmdR.
The smartest detective in America is
now in this city. He arrested a mans
attention the other day, and is to be pro-
NOTED in consequence -SVtin9S.
Sometimes things go by contraries.
Thus the anniversary of the birth of
Burns was celebrated by good many
people freezing to death. Graphic.
Mrs. Realestate (solicitously)-"What
is the matter, dear2 You seem dis.
tressed. Is there anything on your
minds" Mr.. Realistically es. Lots"
"Why am like journey longl"
He asked her. blushing red
81 do not know, unless it's that
You make me tired she said.
Nebraska State Journal
"We don't say 'chestnuts' any more
here, said a well known club man yes
terday. "The latest kink is to bawl
'Hawthorns, for he's the fellow who
wrote Twice Told Tales, you know"
-Philadelphi1 CH.
Archbishop Whately was one day
asked if he rose early, He replied that
once he did, but he was so proud all the
morning and so sleepy all the afternoon
that he determined not to do it again.
Singapore ReUiec.
Her Cousin-'I must say, Emma, that
you've grown quite handsome. There,
now, can't you give me compliment in
return2" His Cousin--"Well, l should
say you were a gentleman of most excel
lent taste, ,"-HayPer's Basar.
Farmer Bascom- 81 do wish the thresh-
ing machine would come around this
way Johnny Bascom-"Oh, pa, that
reminds me. Teacher wanted me to tell
you he was comm to our house to board
next week. -Burlingtoa Froe Press.
There lie the remains of poor Christopheg
Type, '-nls.S..
The rest Of him couldn't be found .
He sat on a powder casll smoking his pipe,
While the wind blew the ashes around
-SiHings.
Professor (Which is the most deli
cate of the senses2" Sophomore-"Th
touch" Professor-"Prove it," Soph-
omore-"When you sit on tack. You
can't hear it you can't see it; you don't
taste it; you don't smell it; but it's
there. art Journal.
Miss Porcine (of Chicago)--I was at
your office this morning, papa, but find
ing you out, | stepped for moment into
the killing department. Mr. Porcine-
"Yesl" Miss Porcine-"Yes papa; and
it struck me that Mr.. Slaughter wasn't
quite at his best to-day. 7idjits.
Prince Talleyrand was startled out of
his sleep one night by pistol shot, and
seeing his man servant in the room he
asked him what it was all about. The
man replied: "There was a mouse in
your room, Highness, and fearing it
might disturb your rest | shot it,
GrdpLic.
Minister-"So you go to school, do
Nuu bObpl iOpuN 1 ts, SIT.
Minister-''Le ct me hear you spell bread"
Bobby-"B-r-ed Minister-"Web
spells it with an a, Bobby" Bobby
"Ies, sir; but you didn't ask me how
Webster spells it; you asked me how 1
spell it.'-Ae.o York Sun.
Grafton "Awfully clever fellow, Gag
ley. He might shine in society if il
wasn't for his one infrmity" Miss
Clara-"Why, l always thought he was
correct in his habits Gralton-"Oh,ye yes,
he is all that, you know; but his neck's
so deucedly short that he always has TO
wear a turu-down collar. "-Lite
Mrs. IIobson (at a church picnicl-
"The lemon pie you so kindly contrib
uted, Miss Smith, l find is spoiled"
Miss Smith in amazemenO-"S "Spoiled2
Why, my dear Mrs. Hobson, it was made
fresh this morning Mrs. Hobson-
"les but unfortunately young Mr.. sissy
sat down on it. t.n-Hayper'SB SBGslr.
Papa" says beautiful girl, 81 found
several cigars scattered about the front
yard this morning. Did you drop themW
"No, they don't belong to me, " respond
ed the old man. "Shurtly after Young
Sampson left you last night | thought /
heard a noise outside, and | shouldn't
be surprised if Nero had been shaking
him for the cigars, Evidently the dog
won. '-Ns,r Hor5 Sun.
OF course we don't want anybody TO
60 10 war ON our account but if the
nations Qf Europe are determined 10
have il out in that way with each other,
we would like 20 call their attention to
the fact that We have large and care
fully selected stock of bread smns on
hand, which we will take great pleasure
in selling at our own prices. No trouble
10 show goods - ctt agJ Iimes,