News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-09-20

TO condescend to say: 81 and the world :"
At thirty-five 1 changed, 1 know MT wbv
My mode of speech into ''The world and /"
At si1ty-odd, with struggling locks of gray,
Alone, "Tbe world" 1 am content to saw.
HIS TRUsTFU1 wAYs.
"George, don't !" exclaimed she; "vou
are altogether too much like the An
thracite Coal Trust.
'Think so, my dear ?"
eyes: the nearer the winter season
draws nigh the tighter you squeeze. =
Chicago Tribune.
Little Ethel never hkaGfto have her
big sisters lover around the house, and
one evening suddenly remarked:
''Ihere are three of US IN this room. "
| Then, after pause and long breath,
| she continued, suggestiveiy:-
'If the other one was AWAY there
would be only two of us. y Chicago Tri6-
1tne.
| A LIMIT TO BRAVERY.
Office Boy Ito Editor)-Dere's two
hundred an fifty -poun' gent outside, sir,
wild red spots on his eyes, wot wants ter
see de editor
Editor-Im no coward, James; show
/ him in.
Office Boyle says he wants ter
keriect bill.
Editor (aghast) - Great heavens,
James, tell him I've gone to the poor
house to visit my dear old father.-Buf.
dE0 Neacs.
A CONVENIENT HUSBAND.
Husband-Wife, You are everlastingly
reading books.
Wife-Yes, I find them very interest
ing.
"It's pity amt book; then you
might take some interest in me-
81 wouldn't object if you were the
right kind of book
"What sort Of q book do you think
a husband ought to be?"
"An almanac, so 1 get a new one
every year. ."-TecaS SiJttingS.
MORE LATER ON.
PassengerGn crowded car)-Aren'ty you
Chicago drummer, sir?
Drummer-Yes.
Passenger first trip, isn't it2
Drummer-Yes, it's a new business to
me, but I'm selling more goods in my
line than any two men ON the road.
Why do you think it's my first trip?
Passenger-Because you only occupy
two seats!
THE KIRK.
Minister-I'm very glad to have been
of any comfort to your poor husband,
my good woman. Bnt what made you
send for me instead of your own minis
ter2
Weel, sir, its typhus my poor hus-
bands got, and we dinna think it just
rect for our ain minister to run the
risk.-LOnd0n Punch
WE'LL PROVIDED.
1t has been the singular fortune or
misfortune for certain Pittsburger in
the course of by no means long life,
to marry and then loose by death no less
than four wives. During the interval
between the funeral aEsShyneneal fensts
this amiable man has relied upon
daughter by his first wife to keep house
for him. Three times in fifteen years
has this dutiful child taken the keys of
office and thrice has she laid them down
for a new wife OF her father to take up.
When the fourth wife died little
while ago she became housekeeper again
and she settled down in the position in
the hope that her father would be con-
tent to remain widower for the rest of
his life. She was doomed to disap-
pointment.
One day her father came to her and
said:
"Mary, how would you like to have
new mammal"
She answered quickly: "Not at all,
papa; [ know when 1 have had enough,
four mothers are more than enough for
mel"
The poor man was so discouraged by
this remark that he has not donned a
wedding garment to this day.-Pitts5urg
Dlspdtch.
KEEPING HIM BUSY.
"James," said the grocer to his new
boy, ..haven't you got anything to do
now2 2"
"No, SIR
"Well, ketch some more flies and
stick 'em on the fly paper in the window"
WHAT HE GOT.
The editor of this paper has been fire.
quently asked why doesn't he get a
printer, instead of doing all the work
himself. The fact is printers are rather
expensive articles, and with most coun-
try papers they get most all the money
and the publisher gets perquisites-an
occasional treat at the bar, railway
pass, free circus tickets. and glory. The
publisher of this paper, being something
of typo, hired himself, and consequent
ly gets both the cash revenue of the of
flee and the editors perquisites-
the latter.-BeerjUe (TSras) Bee.