The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-08-25
swACKRAMMER WAS PREPARED.
Wooing Not With Light Guitar, But
with Stethoscope and Respirometer.
from The Chicago Tribune.

From the Chicago Tribune.
''You don't know what love is, Mr.. Swack-
hammer" protested the beautiful girl, with a
smile Of increduity her face the senti-
ment you entertain for me is only a passing
fancy. Whon it has had its brief day and you
look at it in the cold light of reason, you will be
surprised that you ever nstook so palpable
delusiOn for the genuine thing"
But hear me, Mics Clearinghouse" exclaimed
the young man, calmly, yet earnestly; "am
not old enough to know my own"
1T is net question of age, Mr. SwaclIham-
mer," interposed Miss Clearinghouse, still smil-
ing incredulously, but of scientific demonstra-
ton. As you are probably aware, | have de
voted myself for the last two or three years to
severe course of scientific study, and have
acquired the habit perhaps unconsciously, of
accepting nothing as true that is not demon
strable by the iueXorable rules of mathematics
or the Soundest process Of logical induction
Science has become with me the touchstone of
all things asserted, claimed. or proposed,
and"
But how do you apply the rules of science
70 matters of the heart?" inquired the young
man. How can you subject my love to
mathematical Or scientic demonstrations"
In this way, Mr.. Swackhammer; The action
or the passion or emotion OF love upon the
various sympathetic ganglia Of the human
organism causes certain well established and
clearly defined phenomena. When YOU speak
to me OF love, / look for the appearance of
those phenomena. From q scientific point of
view they are not satisfactory. The tremor in
your voice Is not SulncIently pronounced. Your
articulation Is not thick and husky. The color
in your face is hardly shade paler than its
normal hue AMI you have no nervous move
ments of the hands. Do you think mere as
sertion can disprove the evidence"
'Alvira clearinghouse" came iTnpetuously
from the lips of the young man, as he rose to
his feet, there are facts in mental IS we'll as
physical science that are not wholly beneath
your notice. Some men are gifted with mar
velOus faculty of seif-control SO far as external
manifestations are concerned Beneath the
apparently unmoved exterior that you have,
cano of passion Do you doubt it? l will
demonstrate it to mathematical certainty |
foreSaw the skepticisn with which you would
receive my avowal, and carne prepared Listen
to the beating OF my heart"
And with quick movement he drew from
beneath his waistcoat the flexible tube of a
stethosccpe and placed it against her ear
Count the pulsaIions !" he continued They
will run nearly 100 TO the minute. Normal
heartbeat, seventy pulsatonS. Note the reve-
lation of deathless love conveyed by this res
pirometer" And he produced another flexible
tube. Inspirations per minute twenty weight
Twenty eight, Alvira-count them-twenty-
eight, Normal respirations per minute, from
fourteen TO twenty in adults. Observe the
mathematical certainty of tempestuous passion
demonstrated by my temperature And
opening his tightly CLOSED left hand, he showed
her small thermometer Temperature Al
vira, 1922! Normal temperature, about 1909!
Have proved my love?"
"AlpheuS" murmureI the lovely girl as she
placed her head on his shoulder. with her lips at
an accessible angle, you haver'