The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1888-12-01
Does The Best He Can.
Coop HOUSEKEEPING

y
best he cam"
Deacon,s wife lin church, nudg-
ing her husband)--"John, rouse
yourself; the minister has got to
the 'one more word and l am
done.'"
Deacon (in an impatient whis.
per)-"What do you want to dis.
turb me for when the sermon isn't
half ,over?,
Tommy was at Sunday-school in
his first piar eff trousers, and a
picture of Il lot of little angles is
before the class, "Tommy, would
you like to be little angle ?" ask
ed the teacher. "No, man," re-
piled Tommy, aftera careful inspec-
.tion of the picture. "Not be an
angle, Tommy? Why not? asked
the teacher in surprise.
"Cause, NINA, I'd have to give
up my new pants"
Cashier -"Not dollar of that
100000 you have been lending to
your stock kbroking friends can be
collected" Director-"I see. The
bank will have to break, but if it
does the Directors will land in the
penitentiary. You have no money
ahead, l suppose?" Not "A cent.
81 thought not. We have kept
your salary small on purpose"
."Eh? ?" "You will be out of posi-
ton and likely to starve when the
bank breaks" 81 know it," "Well,
here's 100000, take it and go to
Canada. I'll announce that you
have skipped with $220,000, but
We'll take good care not to find
you"
A lady member of the Grand
Avenue NJ. E. Church Bible class
got on the car, and, noticing a
young man who, she thought, was
a member of the same class she be-
gan to inquire about the morning
lesson, as she had been unable to
attend. The young man smiled,
and there was an amused look on
the faces of the other occupants of
the car, but no one said anything
so the lady blissfully unconscious,
continued to talk about the lesson
until at last the ungodly young
man raised his hat and remarked:
"EXcuse me, mann, but am the
baseball reporter Of the Journal,
and / have just been out to report
the game" The lady got off at the
next crossing.
Lady Shopper-"But arn't these
shoes awfully large ?" Salesman
.They look large lady, but that's
the style affected nowadays; they
will pinch your feet just the same
as those you have always worn"
!"Oh, well, in that case-yes, / sup
pose | may as well take them"
Police Judge-"PrisOner, you are
charged with brutally assaulted
this man."
81 admit it, your Honor, but there
were eXtenuating circumstances
."Of what nature 2" "Why, this
man asked me IF hen and a half
laid an egg and half in a day and
a half how many" "That will
do; you are discharged,
"Little as you are, boys and girls"
feelingly exclaimed the good
brother who was addressing the
children at Sunday-school, "you
can do much in your own way to
check the power of the iniquitous
combinations that afflict the land.
Are you willing to join me in an
effort to punish in righteous pun
ishment one of the worst trusts in
the country-the Sugar Trust ?
"We are" shouted the chrildren
All who want to punish that trust, |
that interferes- with your innocent
pleasures, rise up. All rose up.
"Now repeat after me this pledge:
For three months" ''For three |
months" responded the children. !
~ promise" / PROMISE" "Not |
TO eat any candy of any sort"
And in the midst of profound
silence they all sat down. They |
were all tender hearted children,
and the punishment seemed to
to them too severe.
"We have loved this man." said
the officiating clergyman. "His
face has been dear and familiar to
us; but when shall we see him
more? Never Our broth
er Is in heayen.n
"WelI,H remarked one Of the pill
lars Of the church, "if he's in heav-
en- and none o. US amt goin' to see
him no more, don't see what we
pay the parson five thousand q year