Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1888-04-19
Merry Monnsnfs

ionaire, and when he is dead Ii.
heirs devise ways to circumvent Is
will. 1t is almost enough TO 1iscon,
age a man from trying to be min
ionaire.-Texas Siftings.
Bronson Alcott, the Concord Scboa,
Philosopher, has left fifty-seven Lara
bound volumes of diary. He is prob
ably the only man in one hund,.s
thousand who didn't abandon H.
diary when the year was only sir
weeks old.-Norristown Herald.
Lord Erskine. when Chief Justiee :.
England, presided once at the CheDms
ford assizes, when case OF breach i
promise OF marriage was tried beia,.
him, in which Miss Tickell was plant,
if. The counsel was pomno,u
young man named Stanton, who onar
ed the case with solemn emphas;s
thus: "Tickell, the plaintiff. M
lord" when Erskine dryly interruni
ed him with: "Oh, tickle her yo,,rssls
Mr.. Stanton, it would be unbecemSr.
in my position"
"John," said Mrs. Brown to B.. VIII,
was absorbed in his newspaper, .you,,a
forever buried in that old paper. All
you used to have plenty to say beior.
we were married" "Yes," reto,t.s
Brown, "and then you had very litsla
to say; but, By Jove, you've made IN
for it ever since. New York Sun. =
At the Philadelphia station. She
81 don't see why they're always pok.
ing fun at Philadelphia. See ali tho.
people. There is lots going on.n-H.
-"Going on-yes, to New York ans
Washington. Life.
al know it," said the bereaved wid.
over, gloomily, to the friend who wa.
trying to console him, mo amount II
grievin' will ever bring her bael
Nancy wuz allus turribly set in s.,
ways"
Ii typewriting machines could ou1v
spell correctly they would be in mora
general demand in good society.-pio.
ayune.
Crnsus-How much didyou say Mr.
Newgold was down for? The ministe,
Five hundred dollars, sir. Crosus
Put me down for 5000 then
In matter OF Christian charity
can't stand on q level with an upstsr.
like hIm.-Puck.
Countryman lat dessert) What
dye call this stuff. waiter? Wait.
er-Blanc mango, sir. Country.
mani should say it was bIank
mango; it's blankety blank manos
Take away your mango and gimme
pie.-Life.
"My grandfather was so near-sight-
ed that he couldn't read circus post.
ers." That's nothing. Mine was "a
near-sighted that he lost his life try.
ing to milk a mule"
A .Chicugo journal used to rhyme
Goethe with teeth, until the Renais.
sance set in, since when it rhymes Il
with dirty.
always pay as you co." said an
old man to his nephew "But, upcla
suppose | have nothing to pay with.'
"Then don't go"
When woman loves it's because
she can't help it; that's all.-PhRa.
Call
How was your son when you
heard from him last?" ,'He wrote
me that he was so i'll he could neither
sit nor stand" Then if he tells the
| truth he must lie"
Police Sergeant: as the man dan.
gerously wounded" Irish police.
surgeon: 1.-TWO OF the wounds are
mortal; but the third can be cured
provided the man keeps perfectly quiet
| for at least six weeks"
Just think" said Mrs. WaIkin to
her maid, "the very next day alter
my new black dress was sent home
was CALLED to 90 out of town to
| funeral" wasn't that nice?" was
the absent-minded reply.
There is a story told in the French
war Office, to the effect that Cor ten
years soldier was stationed in the
passage leading to the minister's phi.
vate apartments, with orders not to
let the peole touch the walls. But no
one seemed to understand why this
was done. Now, new minister oil en-
inquisitive turn OF mind determined
to find out the explanation Of
circumstance that his fifty predeees
| sors had never remarked. But no
| one could give him any light, not even
| the chief clerks, nor suboIdInatts who
had been in service half century
But a certain doorKeeper, an old lei
low with a good memory, recollectsd
| that on a certain occasion soldier
was placed Ghere because the walls
had been painted, and the ministers
wife had got spot on her dress. The
paint lad dried, but the sentinel had
been left.