The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1888-03-16

AT 1rst ! thought ] wouiu point Out 20
my tormentor that 4 fib In q ~strcet-car
Il no worse than 4 ~tarradiddle on .
doorstep. and that ] was NJ least as
Justified in denying my ide'hity %
an autograph hunter ~ a footman j.
in blandly closing the door In an un-
welcome callers face. with tho con-
vcntional mot nj home.' though his
mistress Is Writing tracts for the young
upstairs. But ! reflected that In such
q ease reasoning by analogy was waste
81 time. II was too late by several
generations 10 appeal 20 the common-
sense and fair play 81 the autograph
tyrant. Not persuasion. but q blow
was needed; not reason. but retalia-
ton. Then think Of tho incstimable
boon should confer on the whole
race Of distinguished people BY free
| ing them from the insuifcrable yoke Of
| the mediocre and obscure! II was q
noble cause. and ! fairly glowcd with
the enthusiasm Of the man who has
| discovered m entirely new field for
the spirit Of justice and self-sacriiice.
Ny resolution was taken, but how
was il To be carried out? l debated
various plans. might make a prac-
ticc 81 returning the albums without
the expected autograph 1t was
pleasant to picture the disappointment
and disgust Of the despot As he opened
his book and found a blank page. But
that was not enough. yearned for a
more intense form Of irritation. II was
not 4 bad idea to announce in the
newspaper that ! would not be re-
sponsiblc for the return Of albums. and
that / intended TO devote the POSTAGE
stamps sent with them TO a fund for
the benefit Of some asylum for idiots.
On consideration l rejected this prof
cct because IL was too general. !
wanted to strike a blow that would be
felt individually rather than collect
lively. to bring home TO every auto
graph ticnd the sense Of his special,
personal inquiry. AT last ! had the
happiest thought Of all. Why not
write scathing and contemptuous quo
tations in every book? Nobody could
accuse me Of deliberate libel. for
might say that the quotation was one
Of my favorite passages. For instance.
II Iwrote: .Yours with all good wishes.
Hubert Fitzphosphorus." and under
meath: "A halter gratis" the re-
sponsibility would be quite as much
Shakespeare's as mine Or il ] adj
dressed a lady thus: MAY bloom
and beauty rest with You alwaysr'
and added this pleasant ambiguity:
LET her paint an inch thick" !
should sting without exposing myself
to the charge Of open outrage The
more / considered this idea, the more
l chuckled. i was going to have a
horrid revenge. and yet enjoy the Sc
curity Of inverted commas.
The great plan was put into execu-
ton without delay. ! attacked q
mountain Of albums. and poured into
the enemy a crushing fire Of vicarious
sarcasm and ~invective. The ranks Of
the inquisitors and prosecutors reeled
before me. felt ! was wiping ont .
hundred wrongs a. ! took a curse rom
Shakespeare and dropped il into q
volume In which the autographs Of
many victims seemed 10 groan for
vengeance. 1t w-s ecstasy 70 write;
..Thcsc tedious old FOOLS in the
book IL A man who said he had been
collecting valuable signatures for
many years. spared neither age nor
sex "Frailty. thy name is woman.
was ny contribution TO the album o.
a lady who. rs l afterward learned.
was the pious founder Of a church and
two hospitals; and a friend described
10 me with much relish the sensation
created in an ultra-Protestant family
when the daughter Of the house re-
ccivcd from me the injunction: "Gel
thee 10 a nunnery."
. / pursued the campaign with una
. batcd arlor and enjoyment until ons
fatal day when an entirely unforcsccr
conjunction Of events completely
, turned the tables. / had been visiting
! for some time at the house Of a wealth,
citizen whose fortune had been made
either by his father or himself in !
brewery. Mi. Tankcrdale had retire.
: from business long before knew him
/, and the origin Of his wealth was neve'
\ mentioned in his household. He has
/ a daughter who took much interest y
nv cminence. and whose ATTRACTIONS
/ began to make me 4 frequent guest
She was a line girl. with rather . higl
4 color. which she subducd with thos'
subtle articles so dear 10 the hearts .
! women. All. Helena, II you shcul'
ever read this confession you may b
convinced NJ last that only a wretch
!, ed mischancc. and not a malignan
purpose, made me appear before you a
! the slandcrer Of your charms!
/, / had dincd with the Tankcrdalc'
one evening. aud the conversation
!. turned upon hand writing.
Yours must be a pretty stiff han
I. for painting. Fitzphosphorus," sab
Tankcrdale. Rather suggest q spidc
! with ST. vitus' dance. Now mine j.
! Jolly round hand anybody can read q
. sight"
:. rourd a. votr balance nj I'll