New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-08-12
THE COOK GETS DRUNK.
TEA AND POTATOES BLIGHT THE JOYS OF
SUMNER BOARD


PIER. THE FAT BoARDER GETS SHUT UP
ND THE SMART BoARDER SMOKES
OUT THE MosoUIToEs-BUr THE
GoLDMoUNTED UMBRELLb
Is ALL RIGHT
suppose have found some good Summer Ooar'
At last nearly everything IS getting satisfactory "o
rooms are large and nicely furnished ana 'ncfo y
bay window IN every one 10 say notmog VI sI' 90
hot and cold water Then thers Is an ocean VIC" -
three or four directions and pretty fair scenery Oh mo
wall naner and some vines worked in the figure IN mo
carpet The windows don't slide, but orcn on hlhs''
which IS no particular advantage except thal II e''
you the chance think that your ncighDors haNo "
slide their windows, but you can open yours iAe op
board door Then there are crolHct VICIOUS ioi ~,
tall dgnncd boarder to catch his feet In and ehn'
network for the fat boarler TO fall over wheh nc oo
homo late and big dog 10 bark at the boarer VINO Is
afraid Of dogs and billiard table to worry inc ceI
cal boaricr and fishing gounds near al manu- p'' 'io
piscaora boardcr 70 lie about. Then the iur"''uio
looks solid and dlSnlfed, and the lightning suAes ''
harm every time Il rains We also have grand SQUARE
pano and a COW which kicks tie hired man every 'h'
! he mlks her He already goes with 2 cruch and ono
! cane ard the summer IS only half over or qulc'
evening when billiards call on us and tennis IS
vesrircss 10 tho flesh, go out and watch the Gu"
kick the hired man.
But there IS darker side to this fair picture the
boarded where the cook drank may say that this IS
nothing TO worry and take about that H. afer '"o
days work IS over the hard working COOK wants 10 ~
OF on a little quiet. respectable iamborec IL Is hone "
our buslncss-which shows that tho person doesn't
know ANYTHING about It. IntcMperonce Is OF course
| a bad thing anywhere. Tho curse OF rum uhuor-
stand s blight Drunkenness. once hear temper
ancc lecturer claim, IS nothing desirable never "a"
a man who appeared be moro worried about any ihs
than this lecturer, and he got very much eAcileu aDo"'
H. I can only wonder how he would have acied nan
he ever boarded whore the cook drank Perhaps ne mao
and that was what made him so In earnest. Anyhow,
orr cook drinks When the cham0ermad told me OF
II confdentlaly I merely smiled and laid / supposed
that knowing her cooking as she must sne prouaoS
had no desire eat thar and had 10 40 sohleuiihS
to sustain life Then forgot all about It, But the
next day the fact brought home to me IN way
which could never FORGET At dinner the waiter sld
by and in hollow accents said q" The COOK Is dfuhA
agan-nothng but tea and potatoes
This is a pretty regular thing Nearly every
day at some meal find to our conservation NAV
our cook Is again under the Influence OF rum ana tia1
We can only put ourselves under the influence OF tea
and r,t.toos. Tea and potatoes is the HUT OF 'ho
walters understanding OF the art OF cooking and when
tha cook gets so she can't distinguish between the
range and the coal-bn It all depends on the waiter
He Is a cOlo.ed friend ard brother and says he coud
j cook 'possum 600. but there IS n" pJssun to COOK
OF course IS easy to sit around and talk hippany
Al
about II but after all 1t is none Oh your goutpfo-
ducing diets.
1t IS quito edfying sometimes TO listen to the cook
before she gets too far gone down in tho basement
pounding the range with the rollngp pin and ABUSING
II generally. She blames It all on the range-lt Is
( what drives her drink. she says If II would ara"
that She wouldn't 60 on tear than a couple Of
! times month, but having 10 associate with range
a IN which the dampers are all out Of order and the
crate broken there IS nothing left but to turn TO the
flowing bowl. Then She Will hit the range another
i whack with the potato masher and go and break the
a neck of another bottle Of beer
l. After light but heahful dinner of tea and pota-
toes 1t is very dscouIaglng you sit in your bay
+ window concentrating yourself that you won't have
TO get up any appetite for breakfast you have one
n already TO see the cook again stealing out In the
y evening shades with unsteady step and threo
Is ouart tin pail in her hand You think OF the tea ano
re potatoes which are past and Of the tea and potatoes
y which are come but the cook wanders on out lnts
d the cleaning to work the GROWER
Is You 90 to bed and dream that Francis Murphy has
SGT I'D out on the lawn and that the cook IS the frs
ri 10 take the pledge and you think you hear the board
~ crs shouting with Joy but only wake TO ind That
- IS the cook trying break I'm he basement door an'
a demanding In a loud voice 20 De let at that range TO
ho lust one minute and she will beat the lie out OF 1t
u II means tea and potatoes again for breakfast
ID II this should chance fall under the eye OF an.
10 uncmpoyed temperance lecturer who IS bri'tHn
with statistics and can tell how many drunkard'
crayes, with average OF one drunhard 20 grave
are filed in this country per annum. let him come an
work with our cook; il he would preach, our COOK
or The field The clerical boarders attempted her reioI
~ nation one day. but unfortunately began inc "of
o when she had iust had three bottles, and was ACCORD
It tncly cross and drove him out OF the kitchen with
TX large iron spoon She had Just before had nsuI
20 dcrs anIng with the range and Claimed 1t had strne
ier back at her. The hired man favors having her MI
, the COW aud the dyspepc boaricr wants TO smut 1t
he in the barn during a thunder shower, but we do ~
ma caro- m take either revenge The only redeemir
lSc feature about our cook is that size is quite Ens'
INC having only been In this country year and hal
on. which greatly pleases the aItocrac lady VINO 81
ISL at the round table. his cook has dropped mol
m hso over that range than ever supposed cAlsod
Try the language We are going 10 and leave II
a. Cine stuffed furniture, dignihed and able as 1t IS
Ike consecutive meals got UP by the waiter are too niue
res Even while write this hear loud talk down TOW
' and see a crowd gathering on the corner 1t Is o.
orc cook defync the biggest policeman on the force 10
An TO arrest her che says Ham,rican range may l.
rr,Y over 'cr little bat IIamerlcaa hofcer can
ago Speaking OF tea however the lsndady says it Is go
fu FOR the digestion II is very comforting to know ID
70 vour stomach IS full Of something that IS good Tor q
nd deestlon even If there isn't anything to digest
ted lanalady IS cheerful. but has her pecullartes'
~ believes in keeping her boarders cIicua'lhs' WI
viii we went there had large room on the second ho
ken The next day she aud said that some part'
lcrs -, ,,,.+ .,,cb room a. that and would mi
mn | taking a Httlc smaller room across the halF
nee didn't mind and gathered our things iorsetu
u part OF them OF course and moved. The next d.
and told us that some mole parties wanted room Just IL
size and II we didn't mind she wished we WOulo Ia
inst -. -, -, .bo third Goor We went M eavl
the I'r7o i""" w VA ~ So. - 90. .,
tied a few more things Dehlhd. Al was pu''' i'-
salt, days when she said that more parties were besee'
ls her and she guessed would have 10 take room
mar the wing She said II a very pleasant room
lred tree in front of the bay window, IN which We COZ
q al -, 49,, ,,,.,,rt,ocs hmm AZ nrht We gathered
one hcal 'i0 "'"'i"'' -, ..,., 49,. ,
-irn what few things We haa Hahtsc| 10 "'t WIN 10
tiOn io,rpeved n the wing. And we abode In the vi
i three days and three nights and on the morning OF
Tact fourth day she had TO ask Us 10 move down on
icc raror floor 1t wasn't much Of a job 10 mo-