Semi-weekly south Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1883-1889, 1888-02-24
SAM HANDWICH'S PLAN.
A Literary Man Proves That 1t Is Cheaper
to Move Than TO Pay Rent.

Sam Handwich is would-be author
who lives in Galveston, Texas, and
writes sensational stories for the news
papers and magazines. Like most
men of letters, Sam Handwich is poor.
but he never allows that circumstance
to disturb him in the least. He gener-
ally manages to get enough to eat,
such as it Is, and his time is so absorbed
by his literary labors that he has no
opportunity TO complain even If he
were disposed TO do so, which he is not,
for he is an optimist and philosopher.
A few mornings ago, while engaged on
a novel for a New York literary paper,
there came violent knock at the door.
Como in" said Sam, placidly. Mr..
Walkover, Sans landlord, entered.
He held folded paper in his hand
"Here is tho bill for your rent. l
would like to have it paid Immediately,
Mr.. Handwich; I've been waiting for
you 10 pay for somo time"
''Is it really possible, Mr.. Walkover,
that you expect me 10 pay actual cashp"
"Well, that's just what l do expect.
It's three months since you have paid
q cent Of rent, and | am tired of your
way Of doing"
$50 it's three months since paid
you any rentp Great Scott! How time
fiesl No wonder the ancient Romans
said 7empus fugiG 1t does fagit, like
the mischief"
"Yes, time passes, but no money
passes between us.
That's so," replied Sam, "if you
have paid me any money during tho
last three months it has escaped my
memory. Yes, the past three months
have been fraught with disaster"
"Yes, they have been very sad to
me" said Walkover.
"The events of the last few months,
every eve yWSJs,Ilkkover, SJs,Il have been very sad to
quake in Italy and the south 81 Earth si.Ethh:
Good gracious! How much it must
have cost those landlords to repair
their housesl feel sorry for them.
The wart in the throat Of the German
Crown Prince is really alarming.
fear it is a cancer. In our own country
there have been many disasters. That
railroad accident at Chatsworth, ILL.,,
involving great loss of property and
hundreds-n
"Well, that's mono of our business.
We are not to blame for the earth
quakes. We are not responsible for the
wart in the Crown Princes throat, but
you are responsible for the rent of
these apartments" said Walkover, in
dignantly.
II am surprised, Mr.. Walkover, to
hear you speak in such frivolous man
ner of those hcart-rending disasters,
entailing such untold misfortune on the
human race"
THAT'S all bosh. win you pay mo
my sixty dollarsT'
as it possible that 1 owe you that
muchP"
"Yes, thanks to my weakness, you
have got into it that deep"
"For Gods sake. Mr.. Walkover,
don't call your noble-hearted gener-
osity weakness"
II want my money; sixty dollars are
not to be found in the street every
day"
"Yes, l regret to be able to corrobo-
rate that statement" replied Sam with
sigh
"Do you think that it is fun for me to
do without my money all the timer"
The wise man. Mr.. Walkover--"
"Pays his rent" interrupted Walk
over.
"How much disappointment land
lords suffer by hugglng that deluson
in their bosoms! The really wise man
learns to deny himself luxuries. Follow
my example, and. learn to deny your
self"
"Deny myself what?"
"The sixty dollars that you are not
going to get from me-"
"All right, Mr.. Sam Handwitch, Til
strike of the sixty dollars you owe. I'll
make you present of it,"
"Are you in earnest?"
"Yes, I'll make you a present Of the
sixty dollars, il"
"Ahl So there is an if about it."
Eyes, 1 viii cancel your debt N you
move out at once"
"Move out!' exclaimed Sam, very
much amazed. "Why in the world
should We part Mr.. WalkoverP We
have always got along very well to-
gother. l have never made any COM
plants about the price of rent. Why
should / want to get rid Of you who
have been so kind and considerateP"
. "Well, that's cheek!' calculated
Walkover.
at is true" continued Sam, "that
the house is very much in need Of re-
pairs. 1t ought to have a new fonce in
front, and it needs painting, and there
is no water in the kitchen, but still I
don't care to move"
"Well, that is gall! Look here, Mr..
Sam Handwich, l will cheerfully lose
the rent you owe me just to get rid of
you. am willing to make almost any
sacrifice to get rid of you"
That's very flattering to me. What
you say encourages me to ask you for
the loan.of twenty dollars"
"Are you crazyP"
"No. but on reflection I've come to
the conclusion to move to more FASH
ionablc quarters, and l need twenty
dollars to pay the expenses of moving.
Costs money to move. You have to
pay for furniture wagons, and men to
pack up the furniture. and / always
tip the men literally who move my
things"
'You say will have to pay to move
you out?" asked the dumbfounded land
lord.
"Why, of course. You don't expect
me to do it, do you, particularly as l
haven't got cent?"