Omaha daily bee., 1888-03-25
IMPIETIES.

lMt1EAlES.
1t is not considered proper for canons Of
the church to get loaded.
Mamma-Who dwelt in the Garden of
Eden, Freddies Freddie-o, 1 know, the
AdamseS!
Renan calls st. Paul THAT ugly little Jew.n
He was weak-eyed, stoop-shouldered, prob
ably a
Sunday School Teacher-Now, boys, who
sshall inherit the earthl' Little Johnnie
(wise beyond his years. Please, num-, it's
the Irish.
A clergyman declares that he never did a
bad act but that he immediately regretted it.
Rather a neat way Of saying that he was
caught at it.
A pious porkpacker Of Chicago has on one
wall of his office this motto: '"Trust in the
Lard,n and on the. other this one: ''The
Lard Win Provided 20
George w. Rosure, the cowboy evangelist,
is said to have an income OF $3.50 a day. He'd
never make that money corraling cattle or
cleaning out gin ioints,,ii
Wife-Rev. Gums said for US to go to
church this morning prepared for a collec-
ton. Husband am prepared. 1 left every
cent I had in my otheraclothes.
1t was a patriotic but disguised Scotchman
at Fort Beaufort who exclaimed: GUIDE
save usI I'd rather gang hame an be hanged
than dee here a naturalldeath."
Fond Wife-The Smiths must be awfully
DOOI, tliCy bCNCi SlN ahS NALL ~ SAAb hAoiSo'
Howell, but we don't either. Fond Wife
Oh, but it isn't because we haven't plenty!
Rev. Joseph Cook has been pronouncing
unconstitutional a law in relation to public
preaching, and some irreverent Boston pa
pers are proposing him for the supreme
court.
Editor Ito proof-reader) "You are getting
careless. MIR. Reviser. The name of the
evangelist appears in to-day's paper as sam
Jones'" Proof-reader: "Well, that is not a
very bad mistake, sir"
At Galesburg, ILL.,, the churches tried the
effect of prayer on the Burlington strike last
Sunday. Judging by the present condition of
affairs we are constrained to believe that
faith, even as a grain of mustard seed, does
not exist in Galesburg.
Rev. DIR. Chasuble Ito only member pres
ent)-I am thankful that one member OF the
church is not afraid to come out in rain as
well as in sunshine. Mrs. Pray-Well, if it
hadn't have stormed, l couldn't AVE come,
for my new bonnet isn't ready.
Passenger Ito street car conductor)-Do
you ever go to church., young man! Con-
ductor-No, sir; but L always get a load of
people coming from church every Sunday
morning, so | know all about the ermon A
good many poor sermons preached nova
days, Sir.
Elderly Gentleman (taking a stroll on Sun
day morning, to cabman)-My friend, are
you a God-fearing man do you give that at.
tention to religious matters which all men
shouldl Cabman-Oh, yes, sir; Jump IN and
I'll drive you to any church on the avenue
for a dollar.
II always liked the Episcopal religion
best,'' said Bill, as he eyed a pretty girl with
her morocco bound prayer book in the horse
car. 'If you are an Episcopalian you get
credit for going to church not only while
you are there, but all the way going and all
the way home.''
"Well johnny said the Sunday school
teacher to one of her little pupils, ~ under
stand there's a new baby at your house.
What do they call itl'' "Why,", said
Johnny, with childish frankness, mamma
calls il a little angel, but this morning papa
called it a darned nuisance"
A little four-year-old asked his grand
mother: "Grandma, did Coz make youi"
Eyes, / suppose sou answered his grand
mother, absently. The boy looked at her
thoughtfully for a moment, and then, as il
convinced that it had been quite a large con-
tract, said suddenly, 'Grandma,I guess Jesus
helpedl"
my beloved BRETHREN" announced a
preacher from his pulpit, son Sabbath morn
ing next q collection will be taken up for our
vently through the congregation. "And 1
would add" went on the preacher impress
sively, that amens, however resonant and
sincere, make but little rattle in the contri-
button box. Let us unite in prayer"
A citizen of SmithyiHe, Ca, says that the
III IAO IllIiE dIll Il NONIS II un III lDB
pen by the roadside, he looked in. He saw
an aged and dissipated stranger on his knees
praying: o Lord, soften the hearts of the
people that | may not lack for bread as | go
along" In answer TO q question the tramp
said that he never failed to get bread when
he prayed for 1t, and that he never failed to
pray. ia
The first step in the breaking up of the
power OF the Mormon church has certainly
been taken. At a ball recently given at the
Mormon theater in Salt Lake City many gen.
tiles accepted invitations and danced with
the Mormon maidens. Governor West gave
a reception after the ball at a gentle hotel,
where saints and sinners mingled upon cor
dial terms. One night in'the BALLROOM may
do more to break the power of the Mormon
church than a month of lawsuits.
A young preacher the other day, undertake
ing to stump Bishop Foss, of the Methodist
church, with a 'temperance' question, said:
why, brother, If there was a mad dog run
ming up and down the streets would you shoot
wise bishop made quick reply: 'If the mac
dog had been running up and down the
streets for thirty years, and / had been blaz-
ing away at II all that time without hitting
II, l guess I'd try and hedge it in"
Every person is interested in their
W affairs, and If this meets the eye of
any n who is sufferingfrom the effects
OF a torpid liver, we will admit that he
Is Interested in getting we'll. Get a
bottle of Priekly' Ash Bitters, use il as
directed, and you viii always be glad
you read this Item -
E. -. 80 &.