The Meeker herald., 1888-05-05
NYE To q BURGLAR.
Bill Nye Wd;es an Open let
ter to q oespoiier oi
H Home.
Dssm. oi Int.re., from
Dinsress Rar,. OF the out
s1s World.

misceiiansess osems oi Int.re.t from
Din.ressR OF the out
p World.
g.
To My Unkibwn Guest: While re-
gre,ting that dufing the visit OF the en.
terprising burHlx TO my house. No. 30
East Kinney stnle,, Newark, y. j., last
night, l Was 10 oA,sorbei as 10 be unable
TO pay any n,icaeion to him. wish 10
convey % him ~ appreciation OF his
kindness In refrainlng from disturbing
my ,,'''s,as"iI s.u.aa as"iIArn--.,,-.n,n, ,n,
slightest pre,sx,. VI, awu':e, !, seems,
triile too iate 10 caution YOU not io
throw my trolfsers on the ilouT. as that
I Is apt To cause wrinkles To appear in
! them and leads to marked bIgsiness Of
the knees, and would also mildly de
preciate the manner IA which YOU ieit
my coat and vest on the Kitchen table
after absorbin; their contents. Nor does
strict etiquette commend Your leaving
the said kitchen door open, thereby
causing u draught, from which might
have caught n severe cold.
Your work WIS. however, admit
marked by n dcllcat" technique and
commendablc skill. am glad You did
no, 60 around banging doors, although
your having burned matches nn III. floor
was. strictly speaking, ia bad taste, and
showed lack Of appreciation of your
luxurious surroundings. don't like
people to com. TO my house and act Us II
they were In barbcrshpp or beer 81.
loon.
Owing To the omission oi formally of
notifying me OF your visit WIS unable
10 greet YOU with that oouliali,y for
which | nm famous, and which would
have wished Ia display toward. You
even TO the cSici, oi mingling little
lead with the gold aud silver which you
seem 10 have iancisd, n ! could not
find any of II upon a careful search IN
the morning. II anl0ys inc a ,riilc 1"
ind mysclf thus ,i'plict In hospital
It's. but YOU must cstus. the oversight
on account Of the extreme lat"ncss oi
the hour. my usual somnolcnt condition,
and the fact that had not my glasses.
oycfslcpl myself and was late ut the
Office. because In your haste you SOME
how wen, away with my gold watch and
chain. also Two ch.rishcd appcndaScs
thereto In the shgin o' - d"s and Kew.
! ,.,...I. ..nH ,:arD. a although / am win;...
you should retain rs m-n-nto uf your
visit tile money nii Government bonds
Yuu also took my kuiir. which is said
to ic M uuluck, thing 20 do without
leaving Something In exchange. ! want
that knife. rs tender memories cluster
around ii. II doesn't cut very well.
either, and hopr you will kindly return
II. I will not subject You 10 impcTii-
ncnt questions. nos refuse to notice yuu
on the street when | meet yuu, II you
will oni, send mr by mail the pawn tick.
cts Oh the watch aud chain, rs I desire
10 open negotiations with tile holder
thereof. Your delicate TACT and gentle
manly aplomb convince mc that You are
no ordinary bur. lar. hut sou have u
kind hear; aud are good 10 Tia. poor.
therefore address you-if YOU are "a sub
scribcr to this pnrrr-in the hops that
this appeal will touch your heart. Oh,
sir. II YOU have ~ lihcr or u sister lie
kind To this poor artist, and return by
the next mail ,husc pawn-ichris, aud
the dcpopcnt will cy.y pray that your
midnight ventures may be always at
tended with the 'ucceSs Chat meets
courageous and skiliul spcculgiUrs In
every line OF business. know that of
late burglary has ~, paid It's usual div
idends In Newark. nd that i.musi have
been under grea, S,Iessoi circumstances
that you were compelled To cke out a liv-
ing by awaiting youisol: OF the opening
INV residence afforded.
The presence of aquart Of s;rawbor-
ries on the table mt Inner may have led
YOU TO believe mc g. be u hacl.man or u
livery. stable millionaire. nnd you prob.
ably merely took thlsc triles NJ souvrn-
irs of your visit to our beautiful city.
do no, believe you were actuatcd bY
personal motives, rs have never made
portraits of burglars, nor do | bear YOU
any malice.
The terpsichoroan festival which fol-
lowed the discover Of your visit and tic
exercise I indulggd in were doubtless
beneficial, although for the sake OF my
good neigbbors regret thc language
which accompanied them, which can
only be excused as real Volapuk and
expressed in these columns by long hor-
izontal marks and exclamation points
We all must live. and. while I never
was a burglar, have II tender spot IN
my heart for the profession. do not.
of course. expect aiother visit from YOU
soon. as must save up long while to
reconstruct my financial status. yet, |
repeat, | would take as n personal favor
TO me. the return oi the guarantees of
deposit which You possess-uuless YOU
intend to wear the watch yourself, in
which case send me the dog and key.
Any favor which nay be able TO do
you in return will 10 most cheerfully
rendered. Cordiall' yours,
WAT MCDouGALL.
a simple InycniiUa worth Millions
1t is wonderful hiw the discovery of
what is considered ,riiling matter will
bring wealth TO tie inventor Take. .