davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-02-08
The Barber Of Prinkipo.

A majority of the inhabitants of Prin-
kipo, an island south east of Constants
nople, are Greeks, but many spjourners
there belong to other nationalities. Hon.
S. 8. Cox, late minister to Turkey, thus
gives his experience with q barber of
Prinkipo, who was determined to diE-
cover his nationality. The barber him
self might have been either a Greek, q
Maltese, Slav, Bulgarian or Mon.
tenegrin, and had an extraordinary
knowledge of tongues: .-.s ,.,.ts
"You have been here long2" he asks.
reply in Bohemian: "Ne." ~. ,,.'
"Yon are here for your healthf"
I reply in Danish, affirmatively and
negatively: "Js, nei, min hsrre." This
puzzles him. -, "a.
can army gentleman, perhapsl"
reply in Hungarian: 'Igen" yes). .
"Your vessel is at ConstantinopleT. ;.
Ianswer in Italian: Isl, signore." -,
"You will bring your vessel to Prinh-
POI" ,,..-
It is the modern Greek In which I
reply: "Nae vevayos." He is thunder
struck; it is evidently his mother tongue.
When he asks me in French: "Wiu your
vessel touch at Athenes"
respond in Polish: "Tak" (no). !
"You will visit Egypt9"
I respond in Swedish: "Ja, adding
in Roumanian the affirmative: "Gie."
He believes he has fixed my nationality
and that I come from some Balkan
province, and he asks:
"Have you been in Roumania, Bull
garia, Servia, Montenegro and Herzego-
Yina7" give him, in Roumanian, an
emphatic negative. A..
"You have been quite q travelerF
This suggests Chinese as q fitting langu-
age and say: "She." ..J..2
"Yon like the Chinese, monsieur %,
I answer promptly in the negative;
ePuh"
He then asks if I have visited Jeru-
salem. l respond in Arabic: "Na'am."
"You like Constsntinoplef" !.
| answer in sweet Japanese accent:
/ sSamasauW
"Perhaps you have been in America"
"Waal, yaas, I guess"
Then began fusilade of questions and
replies.
"I 0u nave uVeO III fuISf
"Jamais."
'Bccn to Genoa9" .
Isl, ,signorc." ''-
"Ah. you are Englishl"
"Yok!" an intense Turkish negative.
sFrench2"
'Non."
"German2"
"Nein."
"Wcll" said he, taking breath, twill
you tell me, monsieur, where you DO
come froml"
"Don't you remember the only nation
in the world where the barber is az good
as king2' 1 said proudly.
"Oh, Switzerland"
"No, + am not Swiss" -.
And so the matter ended, but neIs
day the Minister found that his identity
had been discovered.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-02-08
Remarkable Presence of Mind!

Remarkable Presence OF Mind
Pat Hoolihan, while stating the roof of
one of our highest buildings, lost his
footing and fell.
Over and over he went until within
twenty-five feet of the pavement, when
he struck telegraph wire and managed
to grasp it, first with one hand, then with
both.
Hang on for your life, Pat~ shouted
his fellow-workmen, and the bystanders
rushed to the nearest dwelling for mat
tress.
Pat held on for q few seconds, when
suddenly, with a cry of "ShtaDd from
under" he dropped and lay senseless IN
the street.
Whisky was used, and Pat finally came
to.
When asked why he did not hold out
longer he feebly replied:
"Oi wuz afraid the woire 'ud break"
He recovcred.-Lys.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-02-08
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES
A Great Event-He Had Correct
Habits - "A Modern Proverb
Jolly Fun-He Didn't
Look at 1t, Etc.

A boy living on Pearl street, while
studing his lesson in history the other
night, learned the date of Washington's
death. Addressing his s9-year- grand
father, he cried: "Grandfather, what
great event occurred in 1882"
why, I was born in that year." an
swercd the old man. The boy troubles
him with no more questions in history.
-BufaIo Courier.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-02-08
He Had Correct Habits.

''For ten years past" said the new
boarder, my habits have been regular as
clock-work. l rose on the stroke of q;
half an hour later I sat down to break
fast; at was at work, dined at 12, ate
supper at 6, and was in bed at $3.50, ate
only hearty food, and hadn't sick day
in all that time"
Dear me-" said the deacon, in sym
pathetic tones, "and what were you in
for2"
And in the awful silence that followed
you could hear the hash CRATE its teeth~
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-02-08
He Didn't Look at It.

"Jchnnie, when will your sister be
downa I'm getting awfully tired of
waiting"
"Shc'll be down in ten minutes, ]
guess"
"Wcll, I'm going to time her. III go
and look at the clock and see how long
it will take her."
You'd better not"
"Why."
'sDad would be mad if 1t wasn't run
ming"
'What do you mean, Johnnie2"
"Why, sis says you'd stop a clock by
looking at it."-Lincoln Journal.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-02-08
The ABothecary's Scheme

Before apothecary store he stood,
On rather. he did try to stand;
He couldn't keep his balance, as no shonla'
So on the Icy pavement he did land
"Why are no ashes on this placer said hes
70 spread them not, b wickednass anu
Be looked up at the store, and this did s gee,
"Arnips and Lpimept Sold mtshMr ~! w..
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-02-08
Jolly Fun

Miss Lille Gushington-"Oh, Mrs.
Matron, we are going to have such fun
tonight"
Mrs. Matron-sIndeedW
Miss L. G-"Yes. We are going to
have party, and the young gentlemen
are to do knitting and sewing, and the
young ladies are to saw and split kindling
wood. Won't it be just jollyp
Mrs. NJ. (gloomily)-"Jolly to saw and
split kindling wood2 Well, you won't
think it very jolly after you are married
and have to do it all the time. "--Boston
Courier.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-02-08
A Modern Proyerb.

At the Kindergarten: Teacher -
'Johnny, do you remember the proverb
I gave you yesterday2"
Johnny-"No'm."
"Speech is silver and-what Is iti"
81 dunno mom."
81 know" spoke up q little boy at the
foot of the class"
"Very well, you may recite It,"
"Speech is silver, but money talks. ~
MU York Sun.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-02-08

was the first act Of Shakespearean drama ell
titled. Flaming the Shyewn He found out
when too late that he had not married into
the family of the "Graces' but into the fam
ily Of the "Furies" To the day OF his death
the murder Of his first betrothal followed
him.
The Bible extols one who ''sweareth to his
own hurt and changeth not" Thut IS, when.
you make promise keep it ut all hazards,
There may be cases where deception has been
used at the time of engagement, and extraor-
dinary circumstances where the promise IS
not binding, but in nine hundred and ninety
nine cases out Of thousand engagement Is
b binding as marriage. Robert Burns with
all his faults well knew the force of marital
engagement. In obedience to some rustic
idea he, standing on one side OF the brook,
AYR, and Mary Campbell on the other they
batlied their hands in the water and then
put them on the boards of the Bible, making
their pledges of fidelity. On the cover of the
Old Testament Of that book to this dav in
the words: "Leyiticus, xix, IL: Ye shall not
swear by my name falsely; am the Lord"
And on the cover Of the New Testament, i'll
his own handwriting: "Matthew,v., 81: Thou
shalt not forswear thyself, but shalt perform
unto the Lord thine oaths."
Suppose a ship captain offers his services
10 take ship out to sea- After he gets lit
tie way he comes alongside Of vessel with a
more beautiful flag, and which has perhaps
richer cargo and Is bound for moro at
tractive port Suppose he rings bell for the
engineer to slow up and the wheel steps. Now
Isee the captain being lowered over the side
Of the vessel into small boat, and he crosses
to the gayer and wealthier craft, and climbs
up the sides, and Is seen walking the
bridge Of the other ship. pick up his
resigned speaking trumpet and shout
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-02-08


woman, having plighted your troth, stick
to it
And here my idea widens, and have to
say not only to those who have made O mis-
take in solemn promise Of marriage, but to
those who have already at the altar been pro-
nounced one when they are two, or i'll diver
sity Of tastes and likes and dislikes are
neither one nor two but dozen-make the
best you can Of an awful mistake. And here,
let me answer letters that come from every
State OF the American Union, aud from
across the sea, and are coming year aft r
year from men and women who arc terrific
ally allianced and tied together in hard
knot, very hard knot The letters run
something like this: What ought I to do,
gad-about and will not stay at home"
my companion is ignorant and hates books
and revel in Them II like music and a
piano sets my husband crazy" ~ am fond
OF s2cial life and my companion is "a reclusc.'
II am trying to be COOL and nv lifelong as
sociate Is very bad What shall dor My
answer Is, there are certain good reasons for
divorcement The Bible recognizes them.
Good society recognizes them. But 1t must
be the very last resort, and only after all
reasonable attempts at reclamation and ad-
justment have proved dead failure. When
such attempts fail it is generally because OF
meddlesome outsiders. and women tell the
wronged wife how she ought to stand on her
rights, and men tell tho wronged husband
how he ought to stand on his rights. And
let husband and wife in an unhappy mar
riage relation stand punctilionsly ON their
rights, and there will be no readiustment.
and only ono thing will be sure TO them, and
that is hell on earth.
II you are unhappily married, in moSt
cases advise you to make the best you can
of an awfuy bad bargain. Do not project
your peculiarities more than is necessary.
| Ierhans you NAV have some faults OF your
own With the other party in the marital al
| lance may have TO suffer. You are i'll thu
same yoke. II you pull aside the yoke will
only twist your neck Better pull ahead.
| The world is full Of people who made mis-
takes about many things. and among
other things about betrothal and mar
riage, and yet have been, to!erably
| happy and very useful In the strength
of God, and by the grace promised
| in every time Of need for those who seek it,
conquer the disadvantageous circumstances;
| am acquainted with lovely women married
to contemplate men, and genial men yoket
with ternagants inspired Of the devil. And
| yet under these disadvantages my friends
are useful and happy. God helps people In
other kinds Of ulartyrdom and to sing In the
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14
Educating American Girls.

DIR. Il. w. jerks of Detroit, recently
read before a gathering of physicians a
paper discussing the question of the edu-
cation of American girls, as affecting the
nations future. The common assertion
that American women are not as healthy
as those of Europe, could. in the DOCTOR
opinion, hardly be denied. The average
standard among the women Of our country
today is far below what ii has been in the
past. The deterioration of their physical
health since the days of their Puritan
mothers has been very marked, but ii il
not confined TO the wealthy or ultra fash
ionable alone. Nervous, hysterical school
girls are found in the mechanics cottage as
well as in the millionaires mansion. The
doctor does not believe that Ame rican
women have deprecated in personal beauty
and attractiveness, but in physical strength
and power of endurance. The mind is Gull
tivated 10 the neglect Of the body. He be-
lieves that the remedy is in education in its
broadest sense. Parents. teachers and
preachers have shown themselves capable
of caring for the moral and intellectual
parts of the education, but the physical
part, though equally important, is mainly
left 10 shift for itself without proper guild
ance. Were girls more fully impressed
with the sense Of duty they owe to them
selves and the nation for whose future
they are responsible, the physical condition
Of America would be vastly improved
Springfield Republican.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14
Precious Silyerware.

Many curious articles are taken to the
United States mint from time TO time for
conversion into solid cash, said Superinten-
dent Fox.
"A short time ago a lady sent q trunk to
the mint filled with silverware She was
an aged lady and was wealthy. called
upon her 10 see why she had sent the trunk
of silverware and at the same time apprise
her Of the fact that she would realize but
little upon IL, inasmuch as the govern
ment allowed no more than the absolute
value of the metal for any articles sent TO
the mint. She said to me:
Il don't care what il brings. That trunk
contains a service that i prize most highly.
II was the gift of my father TO my mother
on their wedding day, and | don't want it
TO fall into any other hands. / don't want
those precious pieces, sacred 10 me, to be-
come the properly of others They were
the gift of my dear father to my sainted
mother more than eighty years ago, and
when they died came into my hands. What
| want you to do, Mr. Fox, is To see that
the service Of silver is placed in the crucble
and melted up. / want YOU 20 see it done
yourself. ] don't care anything about the
amount OF money it will realize
~ promised / would attend to it and
carried out her desires.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14
A Short Novel.

Alone in his grand mansion, not far from
Central Park. there died the other day an
old man who for nearly a quarter of a cen
fury had lived life of misery which his
luxurious surroundings only emphasized.
Twenty five years ago his son returned
from college, bold, bright, handsome and
intellectual fellow With HIM was an equal
ly gifted friend, but who was destitute of
money AT the intercession OF his son tho
merchant gave this youth position in his
employment Striving TO spend as lavishly
as his wealthy friend In their trips around
town, the clerk drew upon his employers
cash account, Remorse ovCrcame him, and
he confessed his fault, pleading for forgive
ness, and promising TO return the stolen
money The bitter old man had him arrest
ed. He got bail, and then drowned himself
in the East River.
He had beautiful, sister with whom the
merchants son was madly in love. Learn
ing the cause of her brothers death, she re-
iected the friend. Sorrow and despair
drove her into open revolt against social
rules. She wandered hithcr and thither,
noted everywhere for her beauty and cynic-
ism. Wherever she went her brother 5
friend followed her, proffering his love. At
last, weary Of his lite, he killed himself in
her room in New Orleans.
His father, the hard man, who had
wrought all this evil, mourned his fate. He
gave up his business because the loved face
Of his lost boy distracted him. He sought
relief from care everywhere, and failed
TO find it. He became a gloomy, morose
man, whom the children looked at sdeway s
with fear as they hurried out Of the shadow
Of his spOVl
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14
A Baby SWAP.

A bright, 4-years- old LawI ence boy had
enjoyed the undivided affections Of father
and mother; a few days ago baby sister
came into the household, and the attention
which 1t received inspired the brother with
an idea that he was being sadly neglected.
One day as both parents were admiring the
newcomer the boy suddenly burst out into
the exclamation, "Nobody cares anything
for me now" and putting on his cap he ran
out of the house. Just then a neighbor
came along with small dog, aud accosting
the youngster, iokingly asked HIM IL he
would not like To exchange the baby for the
dog; instead of the anticipated indignant
scorning of the proposition the little fellow,
with Frightening face, responded quickly:
"Yes, and I've got dollar that I'll give to
boot i'-l4awrence American.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14

You have been told that consumption is
incuraole; that when the lungs are attack
ed by this terrible malady, the sufferer is
past all help, and the end is mere question
of time. You have noted with alarm the
unmistakable symptoms of the disease !;
you have tried all manner of so-called cures
in vain, and you are now Respondent and
preparing for the worst. But don't give up
the ship while DR.. Pierce's Golden Medical
Discovery remains untried. 1t is not a
cure. all, nor will it perform miracles, but
II has cured thousands Of cases of consump-
ton, in its earlier stages, where all other
means had failed. Try it, and obtain a new
lease Of life.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14
The, Seat of Human Character.

Deeper than the Judgment, deeper than
the feelings, lies the seat of human char
acter-in which, the mystery OF all beings
and all things, is what we call their
mature" without knowing where ii lies.
All we know Is, that ii does exert a power
over external circumstances, bending them
all In its. own direction or breaking its in
struments against what IL cannot bend.
The nature OF an acorn turns dew, air. soil,
and sunbeams 10 oak; and though circum-
stances may destroy its power, they can
not divert IL while it survives. II deiies
man, beast, earth and sky TO make il pro-
duce elm. Cultivat on may affect its
quality. and training its form, but whethe !
IL shall produce oak, ash or elm, Is a mat
ter into which no force from without car
enter-a matter not of circumstance, but
purely Of Eature.
To turn nature belongs TO the Power
which originally likes nature.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14
HEAVEN AND HE'LL.
ELLA WHEELER WILCOX.

While forced to dwell apart from thy dear
face,
Love linked with sorrow led me by the
hand,
And taught my doubling heart to under
stand
That which has puzzled all the human race.
Full many "A sage has questioned where in
space
Those counter worlds are, where the
mystic strand
That separates them. / have found each
land,
And hell is vast and heaven narrow place,
In the small compass Of thy clasping arms.
In reach and sight Of thy dear lips and
eyes,
There, there, for me the Joy Of heaven
lies.
Outside-lo. chaos terrors, wild alarms,
And all the dissolution fierce and fell
OF void and aching nothingness mako hell.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14
1t Don't DO to Pay Before Delivery

1t was rather queer remark that a
Buffalo business man made lately. Said
he. Il can get n better bargain in any
store in this town if don't pay as
90 than l can for cash. and what is
still more to the purpose. l can CON-
mand better treatment and better SER
vice while / am max ng the purchase.
The moment my mones goes over tho
counter the interest in prompt delivery
and such accessories must all fall back
on the character of the house l am
dealing with. But if do not pay at
once | am still customer to be looked
after and everything will be done to
retain my good will. "-Bu6aIo Err
press
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14

Ayers Almanac for 1859, published by
DIR. j. &. Aver IL Co, Lowell, Mass, comes
TO US in the shape Of neat presentation
book of about five hundred pages being
made up Of numerous editions calculated
for the ATTITUDES of many lands. score
or more of natiOnalities are addressed in
their own languages in this volume, and
could they all be heard clamoring together
for Ayers Sarsapariila and Ayers Pills
what Babel would break forth Ayers
Almanac, in its familiar yellow cover, has
long been known as the most accurate and
reliable Of its kind; and if any one is igno-
rant of the superior merits Of Ayers medi-
cines, and suffers in consequence, IL is not
the fault OF this enterprsing firm, who
scatter their "leavesp by the million, "for
the healing Of all nations" Ask your drug
gist for Ayers Almanac
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14
IroM's This!

We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward
for any case Of Catarrh that cannot be
cured by taking Halls Catarrh Cure.
f.. j. CHENEY 81 Co, Props, Toledo, o.
We, the undersigned, have known II. j.
Cheney for the last IL years. and believe
him perfectly honorable in all business
transactions and financially able TO carry
out any obligation made by their firm.
WEsT & TRuAX, Wholesale Druggists, To-
ledo, q.
WALDING, KINNAN & MARVIN, Wholesale
Druggists, Toledo, o.
f. II. VAN HG~EN, Cashier, Toledo Nation
al Bank, Toledo, q.
Halls Catarrh Cure il taken internally,
acting directly upon the blood and mucus
surfaces Of the system. Price 15c. per bot
tie. Sold by all Druggists.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14
Not An Exception to the Rule.

Social Philosopher-"M gracious !
wish ] could have the honor of an introduce
ton TO that lady. She's the first sensible
woman I've seen on the street today. She
wears no hustle"
Friend-"I know her. Wait. Good.
morning. Mrs. De Fashion. Permit me t.
introduce my friend. Dr. Highmnd."
Forgive the intrusion, Mrs. De Fashion,
but noticed that YOU had no hustle"
Mrs. De Fashion" Horrors L must
have dropped it," (Faints).
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14

Sound Advice. - We conscientiously
recommend our readers to try Salvation
Oil in all cases Of rheumatism. Sold by all
druggists at % cents "a bottle.
An errand boy Ia a Philadelphia fancy
store has Just been left 500, 600, but it is
thought he will die early Of consumption.
There is nothing better for your children
that are daily exposed than "a spoonful or
two Of DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14
a mark able Paper.

The Youths Companion is a welcome
visitor weekly in more than GO, ZOO families,
and has won place in home life obtained
by no other publication. 1t is always safe,
pure, instructive and entertaining. The
wonder is how any family can do without
Ii. Any new subscriber who sends $l.75
now, can have The Companion free every
week TO January !, 1889, and for full year
from that date. Sample copies free. Ad-
Mass
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14
ACHES AND PAINS.

For Headache (whetncr sick neryouO, tooth.
ache. neuralgia nervousness and sieeplessness
rheumatism. lumhago. pains and weakness In the
back. spine or k.dneys pains sround the liver
4 peurlsy swelling Of the johns and pains OF all
kinds the appl cation OF Railways Ready Relief
win afford immediate ease. AMI It's continued use for
Anew days feet permanent cure. Price. ~ cents
Sold by all druggists.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14
A Radical Cur, for Epileptic Fits.

To ne Edftor-Please inform your readers that
have positive remedy for the above named
disease which i warrant TO cure the worst cases.
30 strong is my faith in the virtues of this med.
cine that i will send free sample bottle and
valuable treatise 10 my sufferer who will give
me his p. %. and Express address. My remedy
has cured thousands of hopeless cases.
III. q. ROOT. NJ. G. 1873 Pearl ST., New York.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14

Advertising patent medicine in the pc
culiar way in which the proprietor Of
Kemp's Balsam, for Coughs and Colds
does, is indeed wonderful. He authorizes
all druggists TO give those who call for it, a
sample bottle Free, that they may try it
before purchasing. The Large Bottles are
toe and 81. We certainly would advise a
trial. II may save you from consumption
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14

Teacher-Wilie, what is the capital Of
Canadai Willic-The money taken there
by United States financiers and boodlers.
Robert Elsemere'sr fame is secure. a
late thing in millinery is called the Robert
Elsemere bonnet
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14

A cough, cold or sore throat should not
be neglected. Browns Bronchial Troches
are "a simple remedy and give prompt relief.
% cts box.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14

After ALL it is the popular vote that
elects man. The vote that defeats him is
bound to be unpopular with his follows.
The oldest Presbyterian preacher on the
Pacific coast is Rev. DR. Reasoner of Corn
vile county, Oregon, who is ninety years OF
age.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14

When she was Child, she cried for Castora,
When she became Miss, she chung to Castoria,
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-14

Henry George has gone TO England for a
rest, but we thought he was getting lots
of it here. None of his theories have been
mentioned for six months past