The Osceola times., 1888-12-29
IoNoMINIous FAILURE
why College Men Are Not Much of SAT-
cess Out In Dakota.


cess Out In Dakota.
Why don't college men do well out in
DakotaP Because the country's too big
for 'em; they can't fill up the room out
there. I'll tell you one reason why the
natives don't take TO 'em. We built
railroad out there. me and Bill Slearcy
we're progressive crowd out in Da-
kota-one of the finest roads you ever
saw. II was only hundred miles long.
and a hundred miles amt much in Da-
kota, but il was a railroad from top TO
bottom. We'd made pile O. money,
me and Bill, and we about owned Zero
Valley, and when the country began to
get settled up we said we'd give 'em
railroad, and we did. That railroad
cost sight o money, but it was worth
it. We didn't stop at nothing to make
it first-class. ''The Zero Valley d
Iceborough railroad" we called it. Cars
all inlaid and veneered, yellow plush
cushions on the seats, every thing tip
top. l wanted TO have silver mount
ings on all the seats, but Bill wouldn't
have that He's a thinker, Bill is. and
he thought that when train robbers
stopped the train they'd tear the cars
TO pieces, so we let it go at nickel.
Well. wanted regular Eastern
road, with brakemen TO call out the sta
tions. They don't generally do that in
the West you know. ! sent East for
brakemen, and l ordered college grad
yates, for was going to have every
thing the best. had 'em sent out there
all trained up ready for the first trip.
They was as fine looking set of boys
as you'd want TO see. When got 'em
into their blue uniforms, with their
| gold buttons and silver badges, they
did look encouraging. was pleased,
now tell you, and said TO Bill the
morning we was going to pull out on
| the first trip. "Bill this is great coun-
try; we beat the world on every thing
we tackle"
Bill wasn't so cheerful. He amt a
feather-brained man. you know, and he
| don't often let his feelings run away
with him. never knew him to warm
up over any thing but Injuns. He did
used to get little worked up over them
critters in the early days Well, he
said he hoped every thing would turn
out all right, but he WASH going to vel
before he got out OF the woods
We had a crowd on the first trip
Every body was there. Every thing
worked well when we started. But the
thing l wanted most was to hear the
brakeman call out the station. Thai
was what I was waiting for | had
white posts put up just where wanted
him to open the door and shout out the
station. began to get nervous wher
we got near Bee-at-riss. Beatrice,
some people call it, don't object tc
that il people like it, but we pronounce
it Bee at-riss out there, to rhyme with
mattress, you know. Bee-at-riss. W.
named it after Sheriff Bowie's little girl
As said. ! began to get nervous wher
we got near Bee-at-riss ! was afrait
he'd forget about the white post, and
didn't want to have the whole thing
spoiled.
But he remembered it. and my hear
just jumped when he threw the dool
open suddenly. Then that inferna
college dude screamed out; "Bay-a
tree-chay! Bay-a-tree-chay! this sta
ton is Biy-a-tree-chay!"
/ went into the telegraph Office ant
telegraphed down TO Friezedale for tho
lynching party. And that's why yol
see SO many college mems graves ou
in Dakota, young man IN. Y. Tribune