Omaha daily bee., 1888-12-22
some GEMS FROM SAN JONES.
Extracts From a Recent Address in
Chicago.
HE AoMlRss THE GARDEN CITY,
But Thinks It's n Terribly wicked
Place and Beyond n Doubt the
Champion Divorce Mill
Of the World.
How He Does Hate Dudes

Rev, Sam Jones appeared in Chicago
Thursday night with a new lecture chuck
full Of new slang, and 1900 people paid 30
cents each to get into Battery ID TO hear it,
He announced the subject Of his lecture as
Get there, with the Eli left OF, of course,
because, as you all know, | am constitu-
tionally opposed to using slang" The thread
of the lecture upon which the many slang ex-
prcssions, funny Illustrations, aud occasional
pathetic incidents were strung together, was
simply a p%araphrasing of the idea that true
success in life Is only TO be attained through
earnest, honest and conscientious endeavor.
Some of the characteristic slang illustrations
and expressions which were used are these
1.-The dude and the dudeen are the high est
type of modern society. The Almighty never
dreamed of a dude when he created Adam,
and the whole business has got the start of
the plan of creation. A dude is a little
pimple on the body of society, indicating that
its blood is out of order. Did you never
wake up in the morning with a little white
pimple on your facet Well, that pimple is n
dude and when you squeeze 1t il is a du-
Deem
Hell itself is only selfshness on fire."
'"rhere's such a thing as getting there po-
litically, but it doesn't amount to much. I've
been down in Kentucky and Tennessee a
good deal lately and they are all in mourning
down there. | amt shouting much myself.
My man got badly left. But we're getting
over it and are looking forward to four years
of prosperity under General Harrison. If
we can't get pudding Wen take pie and try
to make out we like it best. I'd rather be a
preacher of the gospel than be president.
The job lasts longer"
'There are some real men in the world,
hut tbprn arc also n lpt of tbngp little fpllprS
A fly can sit on the nose of one of them and
paw in one eye and kick in the other. You
can put 100 of such little fellows in a sardine
box. put a | cent stamp on 1t and send them
anywhere by mail"
you hear some of these old christians
singing oh, to BE Nothing Yes, old man
Nothing going nowhere and old woman Moth
ing going with him. What do you want to
be nothing for2 How can God crown moth
ing, and how can nothing play on a harpi'
Never were there so many people simply
trying to have a good time, to enjoy hog
heaven-plenty to cat and nothing to do. The
highest ambition of nine out of ten girls is to
dance. There is some good in eating, but
my, my MY what good is there in cutting
a pigeon wing with the arm of O dude around
youE"
81 don't believe we came from tadpoles and
monkeys, but | do think many of US are
headed that way now"
"You can never put gambling out of Chi
cago until you put progressive euchre out of
your parlors. You never play progressive
euchre without playing for something, and
when you get up from the table, whether
you win or lose, you arc as inuch of a black
leg gambler in the sight of God as Is any
faro or poker player in Chicago"
II never did have but one objection to a
saloonkeeper, and that's the same one I've
got against a house, and that's because of the
way he gets his living-off the heads of fami-
lies"
~ think a barkeeper will feel very com
Portable in hell with a lot of you Methodists
and Baptists all about him.
II admire Chicago because its alive; but
you've got enough hell in this town to start
a branch office of damnation, and you've got
plenty of men ready and fit TO take the place
of the devil in running it, and good locations
for the Off econ nearly every corner"
'1f an angel should come down from
heaven and announce that not another man
would die in Chicago for 100 years, and you
believed it, not a preacher in town could
get a salary above S. a year"
"The meanest people are in the church.
They pack their pastor in an ice box for a
year, and they grumble because he don't
sweat.'
''The more dignity a man gets the nearer |
dead he is. A dead man is the most dignified
animal / know Of"
"The people complain of being prlest-rid- |
den, but, excepting in Illinois, of course, |
there's not a preacher who can't be ridden.
But here's one they don't ride. They come
up and put their foot in the stirrup, and the
first thing they know, when the dust has
blown way, I'll be standing at the trough
eating, with one of their galluses wound
around one of my hind legs, and they won't
know what's happened 20 them. There's not
a church in the country that would have me
for its pastor, and not one I'd have for my
Sheep
~ like physical courage. Do as the Quaker
did, turn both cheeks to be SlappedS and when
you've got the bible on a man, then pitch in
and whip him till his wife don't know him"
"Whom God hath joined together let no
man put a%sunder, and whom the devil hath
Joined together let them come to Chicago.
More people can get u~njoined quicker in Chi
cago than in any place | ever heard Of"
Don't stop making love TO your wife when
you have married her. Put your arms around
her once in while and tell her: You dear old
thing, you are the sweetest old thing j ever
Some of you will have to tell a lie TO
it, but tell the lie once in a while and
your home will be happier"