Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1888-06-10
A PARSONS FIXES.
AWKWARD POSITIONS INTO WHICH A
MINISTER GOT.
Preaching the Candles Out Of their SOcksts-A
Friendly Spanisl-A Baby's Garment That
Seemed Out Of Place in the Pulpit
Chambers Journal.

Seemed Out Of Place in the Pulpit
Chambers Journal
One wintry Sunday evening was offici-
ating, for the first time, at a mission
church in an outlying part of the parish.
The pulpit, formidable but rickety struc.
ture, was approached by high and shaky
fight of steps, and was illuminated by two
teilow candles in tin sconces, on either side
of the preacher. l had observed some
slight unsteadiness on the part of the
friendly dips, and accordingly had at first
moved about as little as possible. How
ever, as the sermon went on, caut ion was
forgotten, and warming with my subject,
began 20 indulge in little oratoricsl &C.
ton. Reaching climax in my discourse,
lifted both my arms, and brought them
suddenly down on the deal book-board
with sharp blow.
The. result was that the dips bounced
neatly out of the sconces, performed swift
somersaults and disappeared down below,
ameng some females, if one might judge by
the noise that ensued. By the unfeigned
laugh with which my exploit was received
presume there must have been something
ridiculous in the sudden election and fall
OF the candles. However, failed to see
any humor in the situation, for ! was left
in the dark, and, being accustomed to the
written sermon, was for the moment nom
plussed.
/ burst not look over the pulpit or ask
for the candles, and my rustic audience
were 30 lost in the fun of the incident as TO
forget how necessary light is to mans
teaching. made brief effort at extempOre
preaching, and then an early and ignomin-
ious exit.
My next fix occurred in large and ugly
town church, where / was conducting a
week evening service. 1twas summer time,
and the church doors were open. / was
standing at he lectsrn reading the les
Sons, when my eye caught through the
doorway the figure Of Carlo, q large
black spaniel, with whom l was on
friendly terms. The recognition
was mutual. My acquaintance
trotted up the aisle and brought himself to
anchor few feet in front OF where i was
standing. He watched me with close at
tention, evidently wondering at my I'M
familiar garb and estrsnged manner, but in
doubt whether to manifest recognition by
jumping up alongside me or INDUCING in
friendly barks at distance. However, he
compromised matters by humping audibly
with his tail on the church floor, to the
amusement Of some of the younger men,
bers of the congregation, who eyed him
with infinite glee over the ends OF their
pews.
The sexton was aroused to the awkward
ness of my position by special messenger,
and thsreupon ensuei dignified but ridicu-
lous efforts to eject the intruder. The dog
lodged the sexton up and down the aisles,
rejected his sllurements and decently sub
dued chirrupings, now and again rolling an
appealing eye upon me to stop this ridicu-
lous trifling and come down and pat him.
Finally, when the "sistant beadle" had
Joined in the chase, the creature made o
bolt up the gallery stairs, and was lost to
view amid the lonely waste Of benches.
Finally, to my intense relief, but appar-
emily to the great regret Of the juvenile
element Of the congregation, the ''sistant
beadle" effected flank movement, seized
Carlo by the tail and dragged him down
the gallery stairs, to be ign0miniously
driven forth ameng the dogs of the street
This incident reminds me Of q somewhat
similar one related to me by brother
clergyman. 1t was poor outlying ham
let, aud the congregation had been gather
ed from wide area. Many had journeyed
in donkey carts and gigs; and during ser
vice time the animals were wont to bs
tethered on the adjacent village common.
On sudden the drowsy stream of the
preachers sermon was interrupted by a
racket outside the building. Presently a
young donkey hobbled up the steps Of tbs
church and nimbly trottcd along the aisle.
faced round and took up position
Immediately under the pulpit. Before a
couple of horid farmers could be
aroused from their accustomed af'
ternoon nap to drive forth
the invader, another donkey, dragging a
cart, numbered up the steps to join his
relative. When he had succeeded in
forcing his way through the porch till the
shafts and the body of the cart were
wedged between the pillars, finding his
further passage barred, he expressed his
surprise and annoyance by dischsrging
that peculiar, reduplicated aud resonant
sound, which, whatever may be its mean
ing in animal language, seems always pro-
voCatiye of laughter among human beings.
Like the ass which Disconnected John
Gilpin, he Sang both loud and clear =
while his salutation was responded to by
the animal within the building, and heart
ly chorused by the congregation Of asses
outside. What self.composurec could stand
against such an attack?
asked my friend how he comported
himself under such circumstances. He re-
piled that he could do nothing but lear
forward upon the cushion, and looking
down upon the lively scene, bide his time
in silence till the unmannerly visitant'
had been removed, and the congre
CATION had sobered down into 9
red-taced and precarious silence
That was also an unpleasant fix in which
I found myself one Sunday, some twenty
years ago. had left home rather hurried.
ly that morning, and Just before leaving
had seized from the pookethandkerchie
box folded square of linen, of the usua
shape, size, and had transferred it to my
cassock pocket. In the earlier part of my
discourse, becoming conscious of an i'm
pending sneezs, and being unwilling to in
terrupt the even tenor of my oratory,
fished out my handkerchief with one hand
and then, in the little elegant way thai
most PEI sons have, with both hands CAV.
it a shake to release it from its folds.
Having STAYED off she sneezs by its ap
plication, 1 laid it on the edge of the pull
pit, when the passing Of an iudefinablt
shade of expression across the upturnet
faces of my nearest hearers, caused me Il
dart glance toward my handkerchief, i'm
agining that it might be slipping over the
edge. My eye caught sight of hole at on,
side of it, which had apparently been i'm
perfectly repaired with some lace, aud
gave the thing another shake to concea
the defect.
To my dismay and confusion, two tiny
sleeves and q frilled neck appeared on tn,
confines of my handkerchief" and a COLI
thrill passed over me when / recognized
the little object as beinga stray part of tn
attire of my infant daughter. As / crammet
In "a H. r~f. L.