Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1888-01-06
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In view of his preference for "shin-
ing mark" it is a little strange that
death doesn't capture more bootblacks.
Love is like the measles; we can't have
it bad but once, and the later in life we
have it the tougher it goes with US.
Brown says people call them the high
seas because In passage over thsm
everything has tendency TO come up.
The daughter of the Governor of Yer
mont has taken prize for cooking the
best dinner, bat walt until she gets
husband!
1t would seem to the average philoso-
pher that the man who wants the earth
the most is the chap sailing about in
runaway balloon.
Did you ever see doctor kick bana-
ma peel off the sidewalk or tell an &C
quaintance that he was sitting in
draught?
Tramp Ito woman at the door)-"l feel
very much distressed, madame" Madame
Something yeu have eaten?" Tramp
Mo, something I've not eaten"
Minister -"What troubles my little
man" Boy-"Thought it was one of
them Maillard fakes with peperment
L
tree it was nothin' but real book with
hymns in it."
A man who will spoil fifty pair
of suspenders to hang himself with when
q whole clothes line can be bought for
fifteen cents, can not expect this econ
omIc generation to remember his other
virtues over Sunday.
If you carry five $50 gold pieces in
your pocket one day the amount of value
Rubbed eff is exactly two cents. If you
adopt the newspaper way and carry 500
bill In your coat tail pocket it's all there
when night comes.
A ennsylvania woman kept her hus-
band away from a certain saloon in rEth-
er a novel manner. She trapped skunk
and flung it into the place, and even the
proprietor, who is a great home body,
decided TO take a week off.
Some musicians are fond of speaking
of the "colors" of the tones of various
musical instruments. We wonder If they
have noticed that the cornet is always
"bIew?"
1t is said that Cleveland tailor has
gone crazy in his efforts to make coat
which will button Hp behind and be &C
ceptable TO the public. The idea of
wearing his coat-taiis in front of him is
rather startling to the average American.
Wife ION board a small yacht, tacking
against a ead-wind): "Ah, how delight
fully exciting this is! Every time the
boat tacks feels thrill of superb pleas
ure, all through my veins" Husband
(glOomily Yes, my dear; very nice.
You are not paying for this boat by the
hour, | think"
Teacher-"Now, Johnny, suppose your
father has All income of $1,000 a year
from his business. He spends $4,000 for
your mammals clothes, $50 for his own
clothing and s 900 in miscellaneous eX-
Penses. How much will he have at the
end of the year?" Johnny-(after mature
deliberatiOn)- )--"Leven thousand dollars!'
Teacher--"Eleven thousand doIlars! You
don't seem to know your arithmetic"
Johnny-"Well, know pop. He's an
alderman, he ISL
A Somerset business man not long
since had occasion to write to a gentle
man who evidently had few correspon-
dents. The envelope had the usual Re
turn in ten days to -, Somerset, KY"
on it. In about ten days the letter came
back to him, accompanied by scrawl-
ing note, the writer saying that he had re-
turned the letter according to the request
on the envelope, though he didn't see
why he was so ALFRED particular having
it sent back"
Boy,-Oh, mamma, upset the salt
cellar over this clean clothes.
Mamma-That was CARELESS. Go, and
brush the salt off, and see you don't soil
the clothes,
But mamma when apvone spills salt
they have quarrel, don't they?'
$50 they say"
''WelI, then, if they don't spill the salt,
they don't have quarrel. Isn't that y"
Yes, that is so. But why do you ask?"
"Well, because, mamma, it wasn't the
salt | spilled. 1t was the ink"