The Londonderry sifter. (South Londonderry, Vt.) 1883-19??, 1888-07-12
HUMOROUS.

All knotted up-The steamers speed.
The child of the sea-The harbor
buoy.
A bowling swell - Tho sea in 8
storm.
A carpenter isn't needed to frame an
excuse.
Why was certain race horse sppro-
priately named "Bad Eygl'-He could
not be beaten.
Sailor: "Did you ever see vessels in
fght2' Landsmau: mo, but I've
seen a ship SPAR"
The hungry, shipwrecked sailor,
clinging to the raft in mid ocean, always
longs for chop seas.
Purchaser-Can the parrot speak
Spanish and Elglish2 Fancier-Csr-
tainly; it's polyglot.
A mustard plaster does not seem
smart at first, but it makes its impres.
sion by hard, steady application.
You can never convince the fellows
that are locked up that stone walls do
not prison make nor iron bars cage.
The next report of the agricultural
department should give us some statis-
tics as to the number of rakes in society.
Omaha Coun ncilman traveling in
Europe)-'Whats them bluffsl" Ma.
tivc-"Those, sir, are the Alps"
"Humph! They need grading badly"
Nothing can equal the postage stamp
for evenness of temper and calm. You
can lick it until it pcrsp,res in every
pore, but it won't even change color.
American genius should utilize tho
grasshoppers. There is no doubt they
could lie dried, pu,verized and made
into soup cakes for use of the army and
navy.
1t is an interesting psychological fact
that when man slips down by stepping
on banana peel, he always looks as
though he would like to step on the
peal of laughter that follows.
Clarissa writes to ask 'if there Is
anything to prevent woman from be-
coming president of the United States"
There is, Ciarissa, there is; and the
thing is commonly called votes.
Young Mr.. Guy, always interested in
the study of owls, tried to go below,
hut found the ompanion door of the
ocean steamer locked. MY goodness"
ho exclaimed, I'm decked out tonight,
for sure."
Smith listening from the offics win.
dow to couple of Italian couats grind
ing hand organs)-'Wonder if those
fellows are playing in opposition to
each other2" Joncs-"No, they seem to
be taking turns"
Every timo: Ada-"Are you study
ing French and German9' A!ice-"Ye,
German with old Prof. Schwachouyen
and French with young Prof. CASTOR
Cheri." Ada Which language do
you preferi' Alice-"FIelch."
Funny Mans Little Boy: Papa, what
does the senate do with treaties1 Fun
ny Man: My son, it codifies fl cries
treaties and ratlfies Chinese treatiss.
There, now, run away and laugh, and
let the gray matter iu papa's brain have
a chance to recupsrste
''There are fish in the sea-" said the maiden
fair.
"As good as ever were caught, so therelr
And she Tilted her beau and away went be.
And she found, although there were fish in
tire sea
As good as ever were brought to land,
They woul int come out at her command,
And the beautiful maid grew pale and sad,
And wished she had kept the one she had.
Five cent, fare for that child.
madame" said street car conductor as
be opened the door and put his head
into the car. VERY wcll," she replied,
feeling in her pocket; ''thi, i, 30 or
phsn child, and | am its guardian. /
must have receipt for all moneys paid
out, and as soon as you write one I'll
drop nickel in the box" He shut ths
door and leaned over the brake Ikea
man in deep thought