davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20
FINDING THE MONEY.

How Russian Officers of Former Days Co;-
lected Rents from the Serfs.
One OF the judicial customs in Rus
STA in the first part of our century
was. according to Alexander Verest-
chagin's "-at Home and in War" a
system of corporal punishment legally
administered. For example: IF a
landed proprietor found it necessary
to punish his servant or peasants. he
sent the culprit with a note to the dis
trict judge. and the matter was at
tended to forthwith. A serf having
arrived from distance to pay the
yearly sum Of money due from him
and his fellows declares that they can
pay only small proportion of it. The
judge speedily appears.
"Who are you? The Olkhoff over
seer?" he asks. threateningly, when
left alone with the serf.
Exactly so. my benefactor, replies
the latter, dolefully and bows to the
judges belt.
''You will be pleased to pay the
money at once. or you will be thrashed
on the spot
Dear sir. have mercy!' bowls the
peasant. and falls at his feet. LAS
you please. dear sir, but there is no
more money"
Hey there. policeman" shouts the
judge. opening door. The policeman
makes his appearance. Where's the
porter? Drag him up stairsr' and he
points to the overseer, who is still
wallowing about at his feet.
Dear sir, have mercy! A little
can be found"
"A what? Now you sing another
song!"
The overseer draws from his breast
a rag knotted into a parcel, unties it
and hands forth one bank bill.
well, this is little indeed! Why
are you trying to impose upon me?
Take him of upstairs!''
MY own father. my benefactor. dear
sir. if you we're to kill me, 1 haven't
hopeck more!'
The porter appears, to assist the po-
liceman.
Haul him upstairs. children. and
I'll be there directly" shouts the Judge.
They drag the overseer out, and lead
him upstairs. while he cries: ''Dear
sirs, benefactors. if you were to kill
me. l haven't another kcpeck"
After few blows from the switches
he begins to shout. '.Stay. Orthodox
believers, there is a tribe more!n
well, stop. my brave fellows. Show
US what more you have" orders the
Judge. The overseer takes off one of
his shoes, and extracts from it another
trife.
What. that's nonsense! Throw him
down again. children"
This process is repeated FIVE or six
times. The same mode of extracting
the rent every where prevailed. All
day long overseers were brought to
the Judge. and shrieks resounded.
stop. my own fathers. stop! There
Is still trife more!'- Youta's COM
D9niON
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20
CATCHING SHARKS.

How the Fishermen In New York Bay Have
to Protect Their Lines.
When the weak-fishing season is at
its height sharks make their appear
ance in the lower New York Bay. for
the purpose of dining on sea trout and
other small fish that frequent these
waters. Sound fishermen in and around
Gravesend Bay. where menhaden are
caught for lobster fishermen. have
their nets spoiled by these sharks
which get entangled in them. They
are rarely more than four feet long.
They often get on weak-fsh lines. and if
the angler does not know how to handle
them he loses his line. The shark be-
comes so entangled in the line that it
has to be cut out. When they once
land a small shark. fishermen some
times take cruel revenge by bending
or breaking the pointed nose of the
fish SO that it stands up. and
then throwing it back into the
water. This. they say, prevents
the shark from swimming beneath the
surface. and it swims about with its
nose standing three or four inches
out of the water until it turns over
and dies.
Dogfsh are next to the shark in
uglines.. and are hated by every fisher
man. A fisherman who doesn't get
one Of these fish on his hook two or
three times day considers himself
fortunate. The fishermen have q
Unique way of getting even with the
dogfish. They tie block of wood to
its tail and throw it overheard again.
and until the cord wears through or
something happens to the fish it is
forced TO spend its days on the surface
with a block of wood in tow.
Fishing for shark is not considered a
very great sport, but nevertheless
there are dozen or more men in New
York harbor who ere not adverse to
angling for sharsa A big hook with
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20
NEWSPAPERS AND HOTELS.

A Philosophical Treatise ON Food, INTEL
lectual and Otherwise.
There are not only many men Of
many minds, but there is also a diver
sity of stomachs, hence it requires a
rare combination of qualifications to
successfully manage either a first class
journal or a first class hotel. Under
these circumstances it is strange that
there is hardly one man in thousand
who doubts his ability to make sue
cess of either Of these intricate insti-
buttons.
The average American lawyer,
preacher, street-car driver, or what
ever else he may have been, after hav-
ing been driven into the very earth by
the sledge hammer of adversely, will
wink knowingly at the nearest specta-
tor and say: II recken I'll have to be-
come an editor or a hotel keeper as
soon as can borrow pair of crutches
to get out on What is the result?
This country is infested with alleged
newspapers, that will never be fit for
waste paper until they have been inn
proved two thousand per cent. edit
orally and geographically. The
American people are being hurried
along to the tomb by indigestion and
a thousand kindred ills that may be
attributed to the treatment they re-
ceive at hotels, and the mental and
physical disquietude that comes from
being starved by day and bled and
flayed alive by insects at night.
However. the working of the ancient
principle of the survival of the fittest
is gradually eliminating from journal
ism inferior intellects and they natu-
rally drift into the halls of Congress or
legislative assemblies.
As to what becomes of the public
enemies who fail in their efforts to de-
populate the earth by keeping alleged
hotels. We are unable to reply with
any degree Of certainty, but it is our
impression that they keep up the as
saults on mankind under the guise of
practicing medicine. It must have
frequently occurred to the man of
reflective turn Of mind, who thought
fully observes the antics of his fellow
worms, that there is, comparing great
things with small ones, good deal OF
similarity between journals and hotels.
Both are Indispensable to civilized
man. Man, as some of our readers
may know from personal experience,
is endowed by Heaven with an empty
stomach. which vociferously demands
several square meals daily. and scorn-
fully rejects all efforts to compromise
the matter.
Man is also blessed with an un-
quenchable frenzy to know every thing
possible to be known about the affairs
of his neighbor and of the neighbor of
every body else. The latter want is
supplied by the press, that always
keeps the public posted about what
happens, hence it would appear that
the men who supply their fellow men
with good newspapers and good hotel
accommodations are the greatest bene-
factors of the human race.-leras
Cif1iuUs
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20
FOR AMATEUR AUTHORS.

Hints to Newspaper Writers Which WIN
Please tho Editors.
First be sure that you have nothing
to say, and then sit down and say it.
Don't bother about ideas, or about
sense, if you haven't any. Make up
for the absence OF both by grandilo-
ouent words and many of them,
especially if you are writing for space.
Enlarge upon your topic; it shows fer
tility, to ensmall upon it indicates
paucity.
Write on paper foolscap size, or on
wall paper if it is more handy. 1t
creases SO beautifully when you cram
it into the envelope. Then, too, you
will please the compositor; he likes
the sheet of Ms. to cover his upper
case;" indeed, the more it covers the
better be likes it. He shows his de-
light by his well-sustained profanity.
Use pale blue ink and don't aim at
kgibility. The editor is fond OF
deciphering hieroglyphics. It is likely
that he'll guess at a far better word
than the one you really used. II you
have no blue ink. black ink that has
been frozen and thawed out three or
four times will do as well.
When your article is finished don't
revise it. Above all don't prune it;
that might strengthen it, but it will
also shorten it, and quantity goes far
ther than quality.
Show it to friends who are incom-
petent to Judge Of its merits. II they
praise it then it is ready to fire at the
editor.
If you show 1t to a competent friend
he'll hesitate to tell you, out of regard
for your feelings, that it is rot" and
that you are not called to write. You
see, if he tells you the truth you'll not
send the MS; the editor will be de-
prived Of the pleasure of declining it.
and you of the delight of getting it
back or Of thinking kindly of the editor
for years because he kept it and the
stamps you sent him.
You needn't send sufficient stamps
for the return of your Ms. 1t can't be
explained why it is so, but it costs less
postage from him to you than it does
from you to him. Anyhow, the aver
age literary tyro seems to think that
it does.
II your article is excessively funny
send it to the Homiletic Monthly.
II it is excessively dull and heavy
send it to Puck.
II it is on theology send it to the
Scientific american; if on science, to
the Christian at Work
There's a great deal in sending the
article to the journal for which it isn't
At all adapted.
Wait at least two days before you
write to inquire why you haven't
heard about the article.
If you live near the publication Of
fice don't send your MS, but take it
yourself. Read it to the editor; read
it boisterously. so that others within
hearing may enjoy it. They may
doubt the massiveness Of your brain,
but not the capacity of your lungs.
Get into the editors lap. if possible;
walk all over him, figuratively speak
ing. He enjoys such visitors hugely;
the disappointment of his life is that
they do not come in squadrons.
Should the editor. through dementia
or the idiotic fortuity of circumstances,
accept your article. send him another
right of. In fact. keep sending them.
Load them in Calling gun. Make a
target of him. Other writer's have no
business to expect a hearing. They
ought to fall back upon a more pie
beian calling.-Epoch.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

1NvALIDs. aged people, nursing mothers,
overworked, wearied out fathers, will find
the happiest results from judicious use Of
DR.. Sherman's Prickly Ash BitterA Where
the liver or kidneys are affected, prompt
action is necessary to change the tide
toward health, ere the disease becomes
chronic-possibly incurable, and there is
nothing better to be :ound in the whole
range Of materto mediea. Sold everywhere.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

"A Hartford (Conn.) woman who
jumped from q horse car before full
stop was made, and with face to the
rear Of the car. was thrown violently
to the ground. As the conductor
helped her up she remarked: ut was
foolish thing to do. have heard that
it was dangerous. but have always
been anxious to try the experiment"
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20
A Faithful GulCla.

Experience. with unerring finger, indi-
Gates the remedies which man should use.
The enlightened rely upon her, the ignorant
and credulous abjure her guidance, and are
nisled by charlatanism and bombast. For
many years Hostetter's Stomach Bitters
has been achieving victories over disease,
which are recorded in testimony from thou
sands Of the debilitated, nervous, dyspeptic,
bilious and malaria-persecuted.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

"A Washington lady was canning
and picking peaches. and her little
two-and-a-half-year-old daughter was
endeavoring to assist her in every
available way. Finally q package Of
whole cloves was produced which
were to be inserted in the fruit for
spice. when the little one suddenly ex-
claimed: 20. mamma, let me put in the
tacks!n
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

In some people the hieh-drawl-ic form o
speech bespeaks water On the brain.-E1
rl0aCe
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

Mrs. Pompano-'.Mary Ann. just
run across the street and ask that man
with white-wash bucket If he is en-
gagged" Mary Ann (returning after
an animated conversation with Julius
Plumbob)-''Please mum, he says he's
been married for twelve years.
BRAKES AaoGzine.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

SEND for Glenn's Sulphur Soap II trou
bled with any trouble of the sam
Hills Hair and WhisLer Dye, Soc.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

las people who bet ON elections do
wrong, but the man who never bets 10 Nc
Observation-Disclosures Herald
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

HAxe It'll This Is put-up job, said the
man when his wife ordered n.m to hang the
pArlor curtainR
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

WIEN is dcspOnuen. lover like tunof,
When he 10 cut out.-Lifs.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

If afflicted with Sore Eyes use DR.. Isaac
Thompson's Eye Water. Druggists sell it25c
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

FREE! A 8-foot, Franch Glass, Oval
Front, Nickel or Cherry Cigar Case. NEE
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

NOTWITHSTANDING calfsEin shoes ar
called 'calf Shoes" hSrse-hide shoes car
not be properly abbreviated ''horse shOes.'
Shoe and Le0thSr ReuieU.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

II knowledge is power, the spring onion
must know . thing Or two.-Plt.swrG'
Chr0niclA
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

TIE centenarian may not be musician
but it is certain that he is beating time. =
D0nsviM Breeze
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

II 10 . waste Of time to look back at ones
own mistakes when there is 80 much more
fun in watching the mistakes Of other PEG.
ple.-HOtel Mail
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

THERE 10 N air Of respectability about
being in debt 1t proves that you had
credit once-Phundclplsio CdU
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

THERE are men WHO, because they ind
life an empty dream themselves, insist on
trying to make it . bowling nightmare for
every body else-Nerchant Tr0uEIsr:
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

The Italian will work ct almost any
thing. Be. the first thing he turns his
hand to js usually Q hand organ--Yonlsevs
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

WHEN the cash is here, then the cashier
IS here also; but when the cash here 10
there, the cashier is there likewise
WdshinGtOn Critic.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

II man were compelled to sleep in IN
attic what locality would he preferl
Adriatic, Of course-Teras Siftjn0s.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

A TREE is like the man in hurry. Wheu
he leaves he makes good use Of his limbs.
-TOnkers Statesman.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

A RACE for large steaks-H0lstein cattle
-BostOn Commercial Buuetin.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

How TO get even with some men: Fay
them what you owe them-Dctrea Sse<
PICsa
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

II 10 Q wise man who knows his eva
name when he sees it in the Newspaper list
Of hotel arrivalA
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

A COMPOSING stick-an awkward writs
Of music.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

BREAKFAST is the proper place 70 call tie
roll
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20

A SILENT THEA bad book.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-09-20
)RIcKLY ASH
BIT1ERS

o. q 10 Resl lnpeFiaai organs q ~
hsnaa bedy b the LIVER uhsa Il tails =
properly pssiesn 10 isaeiisas the satiro
sysiea bseeass deraassd. he BRAIN.
KIDNEYS, ST0oAcn. Bowels, all rsiuso
b perform their work DYSPEPSIA. CON.
STlPATl0N. RnEuuAIlSm, KIDNEY DlS.
EASE, ETC., ars he sssslts, ualess seae.
thing b desc 10 assist Nature n ihroulog
% The impurities caused b inaetiea q .
TORPID LIVER This assistance . -.
eessary will y Ieund 10
Priekly Ash Bifters /!
u acts directly o. he LIVER, STOMACH
aad KIDNEYS, md By It's mild and eaihafit0
effect and general tonic qualities restores
these organs b z sound, healthy eonditiea.
and cures oil diseases arising iroa these
causes. u PvRlFlES the BLOOD, teaes
" The system. aad restores perfect health
u your druggist dsss not keep II ask hin b
srdsr Il Tor you. Ssad e stamp Tor coy q
THE HORSE TRAINER" published b. %.
PalcklY ASH MTIEAS co.,
oels 4ropFistsrs. ST. LOUI8. no.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1888-06-08
.vhy They Were 30. wanted

ST. Louis Globe Democrat: A down
east church of the arst water sent Acorn
mittss to examine a very eloquent and
pious divine-that is, to look him over
as to his fitness to receive = cali to its
pulpit. The cosnmittec went as
ordered, attended df7iae service. heard q
grand sermon. and then teiegraphed la
conically: Wont d., f,as red hair" A
young minister OF rare elo%quencctiost a
city pulpit lately because his clothes
were ready made-"ssore ,clothes," you
know Another in the same city failed
to pass because hethossbtss few heather
would reach eternal gIofh Hair s,ere
clothes! and theology sat where wasthe
religion9
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1888-06-08
EditoriaT Correspondence
City Jail. Omaha.
luna 2 1898

DEARLY BELOVED: You may be sur
prised at the above hsadline-othsrs may
not BIO at all. Knowing my terrible
temper when aroused. This morning l
took a pesch from a fruit stand and
after biting into 1t asked the price, Of the
child Of sunny Italy. 'Thres for q
dollar he said. In going to the central
station with the policeman who sepa-
rated us he explained that the price for
the peaches was not exhorbitsHt in the
least. that they were the first shipment
from Dakota this season and,wsrseorrss-
pondingly high.
This 10 quite a town. 1t has street
cars and gas. The town il growing
right along. Inaoms respects I think it
Is a better river town than CHAMBERLAIN.
l don't like Its steamboat landing and
plateau as we'll as Chamberlain's, how
ever. Very few towns that l have run
across have got a plateau like Chamber
Jams. II there is any show of finding
a first class ~plateGu-one that has been
been used a little. not very %thresdbare.
one that l can buy %eheap-I am going TO
use my prerogatives Il guess that's what
you call it) As IN alderman to negotiate
for il for klmbaH.
The season is fully As backward all the
way from Kimball to this point as In
Dakota, II not more so. In the Missouri
valley about Elk Point not a foot Of sod
has been turned over by the pillow. and
from the looks of the soil it doss not
seem that any corn-the main crop
can be put in before the middle OF the
month, The great flood is the princi-
pa! cause and the heavy rains of the past
two weeks made = bad matter worse.
On the way here I saw = field of corn
just sprouting. That is all the corn l
have seen anywhere. saw T. B. Rob-
erts, Of the Armour Chronicle, at Sioux
City. on his way home from Indiana.
He said that corn was juss in sight and
that is all. in Indiana and Illinois. He
says wheat looks about the same as that
in Bruls county. II you wrnt to see
some Of the most beautiful pasture land
in the world you should take the Man.
lila limo out from Sioux City. For about
so miles there is nothing but immense
pastures from 80 to $40 acres in size, md
every one of them as level as billiard
subsequently,. And stock! Wsll,
it seemed to mo that l saw more cattle
in that so mile ride than | ever saw in
going the whole state of Iowa before.
In some places there seemed to be a
thousand or more in a herd. As far as
the eye could reach they stretched out
over the emerald prs!ris. 1t wasa grand
sight, indeed, and 1oould not help but
think what a sight is-woold be to . man
from the efete East. What . great and
glorious country the West is, any way!
About the corn business. 1 neglected
to say that if the farmers of :Brals eoun.
~ are inclined to complain from not be.
ing able to get their corn IN, they may
taks sothemselves the consolation that
their and is in much better shape than
that OF their fellow farmers in Iowa. l
saw yesterday thousand upon thousand
OF acres Of land in Iowa which will
never dry out this year in time for crop
of any kind. Corn will be King this
year; Aye! it will bs acs high and tho
farmer who has it will rakoin the pot.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1888-06-08

When one is riding on a railroad train,
it is very hard to estimate the speed at
whici, the train is moving. oneswsy to
make au estimate Of this kind is to count
the number of clicks Which the csi
wheels make, when they arri*e- at the
end of the rails. in twenty seconds. The
number thus counted Is the number of
miles per hour that the train is going,
That is the method usually employed by
engineers in making their estimates
when running their trains.
The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1888-06-08
The editor, gone. A. he handed u.

The EDITORS gone. Az he handed US
the keys to the office, safe, post Office
box. house. barn, buggy shed, chicken
coop. dog kennel, and proper method Of
conducting = newspaper. his eyes filed
with a divine light. I'm going to see
my wife. yen, see" A he tished the
aforesaid keys-fvom his pockets he re-
marked, as he passed over thu office key,
b sure and sweep out once a week,
my SON. he always calls US son, for
nothing SO favorably impresses patrons
Is q nice clean Office and the evidences
of system in@sverything." BE careful
of your cash" he continued as he drew
forth the safsksy from the heel of his
boot. Pay all bills presented, but don't
let EN- bulldozs you, and render unite
me- monthly a%asaeccunt thereof, OF in the
event of my demise, to my heirs and
executors at law" We mention these
details merely to- show tho forsthought
Of ureditor. sect the mail regularly,
because the box.is liable to run over,
thereby causing much profanity in the
post office. and as the conductor Of the
only strictly moral paper in Dakota you
should by all means discourage the use
of language isreverent. The house, 1
guess will be all right. shut the cellar
window and propped 4 chair against the
back door before LEFT. The barn and
buggy shed will tend to themselves.
Tell the boy who tends to the chickens to
shut the door after him, and not let that
red rooster get into the compartment
with the Plymouth Rock hens. Fee d
and water the dog regularly and always
chain him up at night, for be is liable to
60 visiting for a week At = time if this
little %precaution is not attended o."
On the proper method of conducting .
Newspaper he spoke At length. Don't
allow a man to leave the office without
suscribing. Locals. ten cents per line
for the first insertion and five for sub
ssquent ones. Legal notices are always
legal rates. No matter what other
people do or have done. vi go according
to the code. Use the shears spsringly.
although the shears ere good, to = Ger.
tain extent. D~on'tclip anything over a
column long and insert it for original
matter. And above all things, my son,
be careful what you say. Our friend on
the Q. 8. o. t. 9. wiilprobably get off some
witty remarks, for he is acknowledged
very witty, but don't notice them, my
son. don't notice them. To notice them
brings you to his level He may say
something whichrwould seem very cut
ting to one u~nacquainted with his ways,
but people hereabouts are initiated and
argue his youth As . sufficient excuse
for his many bad breaks" He then
picked up his grip and overcoat, invoked
a fathers blessing on US and vanished
through the door as the train whistled