Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-05-11

banks and when he wants 10 quarrel
with some one, but don't feel quite
well enough to quarrel with man.
He then congratulates himself on his
success in taking poor. ignorant girl
and making lady of her. forgetting
how cruel it Is to do this in her pres
ence. and in the face of the fact that
she had failed so ptifully in taking him
and making a gentleman of him.
He Is the man for Mr.. Berry to use
in his illustrations. He will have no
trouble in securing the consent of the
neighbors or the authorities, and 1t will
stimulate people to come who do not
generally turn out when there is a
lecture in town. Thus Mr.. Berry would
make Il. 200 in few weeks and do a
great deal Of good beside.
Sometimes when | get to thinking
over the misery which Is turned loose
upon the community, and especially
upon the families of those men all over
the country. can almost feel my whole
being.
As business proposition Mr.. Berry
is doing wisely. perhaps, to accept a
lump sum in coming here for April is
certainly nm uncertain month in which
to lecture here even, though. as Messrs.
Sinclair IL Co. say. with Mr.. Berry at
the helm. as il were there could be no
fear of the success of the undertaking.
Mr.. Berry should not be expected to
furnish anything else beyond his per-
sonal services and his relics. / think
that it would be only fair for the Royal
Executioner to furnish his own relics
and press notices. Local committees
are generally willing to do everything
that is fair and reasonable, but they
will object to the preparation of relics.
Six thousand dollars with hotel expen-
ses. railroad fare. sleepIng-car tickets,
clothing and cough medicine for a six
weeks tour. is not high for n man who
holds the exalted and responsible posi-
ton Of Royal Breath Stopper and Neck
Jolter to Her Majesty. provided he
will furnish his own relics and refrain
from writing book while here.
Professionally of course / would say
that Pond ought to give Berry tart
reply, or l would prefer the latter as
Ponds dstnOrunl. or inquire whether
the gentleman alluded to is or is not
the elder Berry. or / might have fun
with him by stating in droll way that
Il. 200 is not more tban would certa n
ly be due Berry. or 1 might take my
life in my hand and say that Berry and
his undertaking succeed together. But /
Will not take advantage of an English
man who doubtless intends to use these
bon nl0ts in his lecture.
In fancy ! see Mr.. Berry coming
down 10 the Liverpool landing on the
18th OF April, followed by his weeping
Sovereign. With her sceptrc in one
hand and bottle Of lime juice, put up
by her own fair hands, not as Charles
Mitchell puts up his own fair hands,
but otherwise. Then there is a rattle
Of deck hands. The hungry sea lcks
its foamy jaws and seems to reach out
for Berry. Her Majesty suddenly feels
for her crown 10 see if it is still there,
puts her hat pin further into it and
looks suspiciously at the Prince of
Wales, who has n small brickbat in
one hand, evidently intending TO knock
loose the emblem of power when next
Her Majesty looks over the way. Mr..
Berry wrings the hand of his Sovereign
once more, wipes his streaming eyes
on long black cap. which he pulls
from his pocket by mistake. and which
contains the manuscript of his lecture.
The baggage-masler OF the boat then
brings Mr. Berry the brasses for his
luggage; in his disengagcd hand Mr.
Berry holds small Eastwood scaffold,
carefully concealed in a shawl strap.
Looking at his Waterbury death watch,
he sees that it is time TO go on board.
Hastily un0nntinrv thn lima i,,tna A
small India shawl as marks of esteem,
he springs lightly upon the gangplank.
having left copy of his list of one
night towns with Her Majesty and ask
ed her TO write. The breeze springs up
on the jib's quarter and means through
the rigging, the anchor is close reefed.
the hold is let 60. the topsail halyards
are allowed to remain that way. the
other halyards do as they are taut, the
howsen pipes all hands on deck. the
landlubber takes out lot of nautical
terms. done up in piece OF lineoleum.
and examines them. Mr.. Berry puts on
new Tam o'Shanter which is the coll
or of hepatized lung, the good ship
q yes lurch to leeward which causes
Mr.. Berry TO feel suddenly for his
stomach. the royal party call a cab and
90 back home, the conductor saws "All
sboardv and then the great English
Hangman. the man of short crisp sen.
fences. the facetious choker of Great
Britain is abroad on the breast of the
pillows, bound for the land where the
poor man gets convicted aud the rich
man gets new trial -BA! Nye, ia
Nel0 Yorh World.