Morning journal and courier., 1888-01-19
sAPHHR,s JOKES.
old Humor and New,

ITransalted from the German by J. M Percival.1
 Many are the witty sayings of Moritz Gottlieb Saphir, an Austrian journalist, and some retain a large share of their raciness when transferred to another tongue. The following anecdotes are culled from little volume, now in it's third edition, entitled ''Saphiriana."
 "My works will be read when the writings of Goethe and Schiller are forgotten" re- marked an arrogant, but by no means able author. Undoubtedly, but not before" 7" retorted Saphir.
 The humorist spent some time in the cap- ital of very small principality. One day he chanced to make an extremely witty re- mark which was received with 80 much dis approval that the prince instantly commanded that "Saphir should quit the country in three days" The latter requested an audience with the royal parsonage, and said: eff your highness will step out on your balcony, you will see me step across the frontiers of the country at once."
 One evening at a ball, being asked the name of lady who was very deeply rouged, he answered.: II have no knowledge of paint ings."
 An Australian prince, who was also an archbishop, swore horribly at banquet and, perceiving that Saphir looked at him in surprise, angrily asked the cause of his as- tonishment II thought an archbishop would not allow himself to swear," answered the wit q was not swearing as an arch bishop but as prince" explained the prelate. "Ah," said Saphir thonghtfully, ''but sup pose the devil fetches the prince, what will become of the archbishop?"
 One evening in 8 large company an argu- ment arose as to whether man or woman was the superior being, and Saphir, always 8 champion of the fair sex, took sides with the ladies declaring them the crown of crea- tion ''Then why did God form man frsta' asked a shrewd Russian. s'Because the first attempt is generally failure," retorted Saphir.
 On being asked to give 8 universal dis tinction between the rich. and the poor, the humorist said eff there was nothing else to separate the rich and the poor, hunger would draw dividing line. The former re- joiee when they have an appetite, the latter grieve over it."
 Requested to define the word "dentist, Saphir said: "He is man who pulls out other peoples teeth to get something for hif own to bite"
 F'What is the greatest miracle in the Bibles Saphir asked young lady at party. With out giving her time te reply, 8 forward burned when he went to heaven in 8 char tot of ire'' t'No," returned Saphir: ''That Balaam's ass spoke before it ques- toned"
 During conversation upon the constant increase of immortality, lady remarked that she wondered God did not send a second de luge. sBecause the first did not avail" re piled Saphir.
 A narrow-minded man was bragging tha he weighed only three pounds less than Alex ander Humboldt. ftThat may be so." ob served Saphir. ffbut those three pounds were taken from his brain"
 ''I was born on the very day that Goethe died," said conceited author. "Both events were misfortune to German literature, , commented Saphir.
 A gourmand wondered that his beard began to turn gray before his hair. ''Tha is easily explained" said Saphir- "Yor use your jaws so much more than youl head"
 A friend wondered how it happened that SC many respectable people did not return bor- rowed books. Saphir said: "Because 1t ii easier to retain the volumes themselves than their contents"