The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1888-12-29
WIT AND HUMOl,.

- tttt'> II" 80 t'iil INV AENutct ktft-
ing time there wouldn't be a loafer left
in the county. - Smithriite NeDs.
Christopher Columbus was no paint
er. but all the same he was the first
landseer of America. - Rochester Post
Express.
Barbcr-How will YOU have your
hair cut to-day? Like your
conversation short, IL you please.
Detroit Free Press.
a magazine recently started Is called
Woman. Will salesladies patronize a
publication bearing such a title?--
brakes Magasine.
A Maryland widow set bear trap
and caught young man. We expect
this will canse boom in bear-traps. ~
burlington Free Press.
1t is astonishing how pretty the
homely girl You have never seen can
look when she Is softly talking non
sense 10 you through the telephone. -
Sonlerciife Journai.
The beauty of being able TO say mo
so decisiyely that Misunderstanding
Is impossible Is never more apparent
than when man asks you 10 loan him
quarter. --Lincoln Journal.
If politician and half tell lie
and a half In day and half, how
many lies will a hundred politicians
tell between this and the November
clectionsp-- Washington Critic.
Wife Cat Niagara Falls) How grand
and awe-inspiring it all is, John. Hus-
band drawing long breatl) Yes,
but don't talk, my dear; want TO lis
ten to the roaring of the waters. -- Neso
York Sun.
Speaking of the "home stretch, y
isn't the man who plays pool until half
past midnight and then goes home and
tells his wife that he twas sitting mp
with sick friend. !" a home "stretcherp'
--Drake's Magazine.
II is said that "brains will tell"
Sometimes they will, and sometimes
they will not. Sometimes the more
brains a man has the less he tells. It
doesn't always answer for brains 10
tell.--Lolcett Courier.
Landlady (of fashionable boarding
house 10 applicanD Have YOU chill
dren, madamep Applicant--No; | had
little boy, but he died last summer.
Landlady You are fortunate, for we
never take children. Life.
Husband-"Was the ladies' club
lively tonight. dcarP" Wife-"No;
awfnlly dull. Every member was pres
ent and, Of course, one cant speak of
people before their faces. So--we had
nothing TO talk about. "-NcU York
american.
First New Yorker-See those two
Englishmen crossing the street; Won
der who they areP Second New York
er-Don't know; hut judging from the
way they are dressed they must be
either noblemen or hostlers. --Ne,o York
Tribune.
Our poor relations have written To
say that they want To inhale the coun-
try. air for about three months. Well,
il they can live on it, let them come;
we can lodge the last of them, as we
have plenty OF house room. Smith
viHe Nc,0s.
Pretty cousin Ito young sissy)-That
is an intelligent dog you have, Char
ley. Young sissy (proudly) Yes, in
deed, Maudie. Why. | couldn't begin
10 tell you all that dog knows. Pretty
cousin-No. ] fancy not, Charley
Net0 York Sun.
Sunday-school teacher illustrating
dear children. that makes you feel SO
uncomfortable and unhappy after you
have done something which you ought
not TO doP Dear child--A lickin'-
Drdkc's Magazine.
Psychologists have established the
fact that the masculine heart weighs
more and is larger than that possessed
by the fair sex, but IL has been equally
well established that injury To the lat
Ter commands highest damages in the
courts. --B0sfon Budget.
A woman in the western part Of the
state Is now living with husband No.
IL. In this case IL would be- difficult
90 tell which is the unlucky number.
Thirteen is regarded as an unlucky
number, but we'd rather be l3 than IA.
No. - is dead.--Norristo,o Herald.
Doctor Feeling patients pulsed
What Is your husbands businessP Pa
tents wife-He is photographer.
ID. Has he been working hard Of latep
Il. WI don't know, doctor. He took
the portraits Of four babies yesterday.
D.-H'ml Brain fever Boston Cour-
Ter.
.'Yes. several members of our family
have won illustrious names" Ills that
SOP" "One Of my brothers distin-
guishcd himself as an author aud an
other as soldier" That's nothing.
Three of my brothers are star players
in the best baseball club in the coun-
try. "-Lincoin journal.