, 1888-12-22
BEING A WOMAN. ]
wha She Has to Do and What the sterner
Sex Don't Do.

Sex Don't Do
There isn't a man in the world but
thinks a woman has an easy time, and
there isn't one, If he had TO go through
the fuss and bother of being one, who
wouldn't be in an insane asylum in
less than a year. In the first place,
you must look well. A man can
be as ugly as home made sin and still
be popular. Whiskers cover up the
most Of his face, and even though he
has a mouth big enough to tako
in a whole mince pie at a
single bite, nobody suspects 1t.
If he has wrinkles, nobody thinks he
is getting old, but talk about the lines
of care on his forehead. Lines of carel
humphl In nine cases out of ten those
lines of care were caused by him scold-
ing his wife when dinner was two
minutes late, or when n of those
masculine buttons popped off, and,
oh, my, what a hullabaloo he
sets up then. But nobody says
anything about lines of care on
her foreheadl Oh, mol And a mans
nose might put a blood red beet to
shame; but nobody suspects he drinks.
Oh, mol A woman must always be
just so, must look charming and sweet,
no matter how sour she feels; she must
sing, and play on the piano and say
something nice TO everybody. Her
dress must hang and fit Just SO, have
the latest quicker, even it is was made
in old Noah's time. She must wear a
No. 3 shoe on a No. 8 foot, and look
well dressed on rs cents a week. She
can't go out alone at night, as woman
must be protected; she can't be a Free
mason, as she'd tell all about the goat
and the creased pig; she can't whistle,
climb fences, stone cats, or say what
she feels when she gets mad. She
can't go accounting, but must manage
some way TO get married before she is
25, or everybody will feel terribly hurt
over it and sigh and wonder why she
don't take, and all the old maids
and widows in the neighborhood will
smile and nudge each other. oh,
those significant chances are fifty times
worse than open SANDER. It's an
awful thing to be an old maid and
everybody knows it. Even the
women who are married to drunken
husbands, and fight and quarrel
the seven days out of the week,
live in an agony of spirit over her and
talk about the poor old maid. And if
she has had a sweetheart once, and he
goes with any one else now, people
smile when they see her and quietly
remark: She got left" when, in all
probability, he was the one who got
left. But she must marry well, and
marry we'll e marry rich, and to
get married, in some peoples minds, is
the whole aim of a woman's existence.
And when a woman does get married
the whole town put their heads to-
gether and talk over the matter;
if she is good enough for him; no
mention is made whether he is good
enough for her or not. Oil no. Then
they will relate anecdotes, how stingy
her grandfather was; how lazy her
Aunt Polly was, and how her grand
mother used to sell beans and butter
milk, and sweeten her coffee with mo-
lasses. She must be a good cook, and
do up her husbands shirts SO that when
he goes down town, past a Chinese
laundry, John will gnash his teeth,
grow green and yellow with hate and
envy, and twirl his pig tail in the
air with the same unholy passion. She
must be able to lay her hand on every
thing in a seconds time that her lord
and master may want, for a man
never knows where to find anything.
He will put the bootjack away, ten
derby hide it in the darkest corner of
the closet, then he'll turn the house
upside down, from the top to the bot
tom, and suddenly appear to his wife,
with a countenance like that of the
avenging angel, and demand: What
in thunder have you done with the
b~ootjackR" She must shut all vthe
H.. 1s1--,s-. II A. $1,000,
for a man never was known to shut
either. A woman always has to go to
bed first in cold weather. He never
Finish this piece in the paper, dear"
and waits until she has the sheets to a
comfortable temperature. She must
always take care of the baby, even
though the first infantile wonder has
multiplied into a round half or
three-fourths of a dozen, as the
case may be. If he doubles up
with the collie, whooping cough or
the necessary evils of cutting teeth,
paregoric, bad temper, short sleeves,
bare legs and pins sticking in him, he
wants to know why she don't keep
her baby quiet, and speaks as if she
alone was to blame for the racket.
When she feels bad nobody tucks a
shawl over her on the couch, or cod
dies her as a man has to be coddled
under such circumstances. Nobody
closes the door any softer when her
head is splitting with a headache.
Now if there is a man living who
thinks a oma has an easy time just
let him have his hair pulled to the top
of his head and a pound more pinned
on that, get into a pair of corsets, tie
half a dozen Republics around his
waist, get into a dress that he can't
more than breathe in, and can't put
his hands to his head without popping
open a sleeve, and be a woman awhile
and see how he likes it himself
Douglass Lee in st. Louis Republic.
ond of woman's Hair.
A woman's hair may grow to the
Ienoth of six feet. Mime. Hess. OF