The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1888-06-21
manitowof 1)llot,
THURSDAY, JUNE 81.
WIT AND IiUMOR.

but they don't getmuch sleep.-Jourlql
81 Education.
Should earthquakes be referred to as
''real-estate movements" or matters
IN connection with ground rents?"-
Boston Courier.
1t Is said that a carpenter in Milwau-
kee Is 50 expert with his lathe that
he can turn a deaf ear on the slight
est provocation.-LJe.
''Alodest?'' exclaimed a sarcastic old
bachelor. Yes, the girls are so mod
est nowadays that they take great
pains nobody shall find it OUT
J'tdge.
Soda fountains generally do a rush
ING business. The fountain nozzle is
an orator in its way. The more wind
and frOth the more nOise.-NcD orleans
Ptcsy1Jsc.
Barber Ito customer)-Hair cut, sir?
Customer-Hair cut! Can't you see 1
wear wig? Barber-O, l beg pardon;
soyoudO. Well-er-haye shampoo?
-Harpcr's Ba:ar.
If a man and a half throws a boot
Jack and half at a cat and half in
night and a half, how many cats and a
half viii he hit in month and a half?
Noodle Register
Rev, Mr.. Hirsute-''Theh hairs of your
head are numbered, Mr. Scantilocks."
Mr.. Scantilocks Well. it comforts
me to think how little trouble | give
the recording angel latterly. "-Jtotge.
The King of Spain has learned to
walk. 1t may be useful later in life
when his compatriots compel him to
walk for their pleasure rather than for
| his own mUsement.-BOStOD Iru1l-
scltpL
There are girls who never hear a bio
! church bell ring in the next block, and
yet they are able to detect the tinkling
Of the tiny bells on an ice-cream cart
four squares away.-NeD Oriea15S
P5cGYaylc.
You wish to know why they call it
the diamond field, Clara9 That is a
reasonable desire, and we hasten to
answer YOU. 1t l. because it costs So
600 to get a jewel Of player. "-Har-
Per'S Busur.
Commenting upon DR.. Hammond's
belief that Il man can live forever. the
Prince Of Wales says he knows it is
true Of a woman. But he thinks she
might at least aLdicate. -Bulingt0n
Free Press.
Visitor (who expects to stay to dim
ncr)-"Do You think. really. that it is
bad omen when there are thirteen at
the table," Mrs. Yergcr-''Yes, if
there's onlyyictuals enough for twelve"
IcraS Sytuggs.
Some men in this world are self
made, but a good many more wouldn't
amount to anything but for their
wives; and their wives are not disposed
to let them forget it, cithcr.-S0nlcr-
rifle JOlTnm.
Doctor, who finds tramp groaning
by the roadside-What is the matter
with YOU? Tramp dolofullv-Mv svs-
tenn is all run down. Doctor-By
what? Tramp-By a dog.-BurijnG-
tan Free Press.
The pennys mighty" quoted the
tramp. as he pleaded for the price of
a nights lodging. Guess the sward
viii do you tonight" growled the I'M
poctical BobleF as he vanished in the
gathering dusk.-LJ5.
swell-Tm going to resign from nv
club. Friend i thought YOU liked il
So much. SWell-Used to be all right.
but society is getting too mixed. WHY.
! met my pawnbrokcr there the other
night Hypcr's Kag0;jqc.
\ DiIrerencc.-u Husband (sadlv)-
You are not what You used to be, Fan
ME. Wife (sharply)-Of course I'm
not, ! used to heyour best girl but now
I'm your wife, and If makes great
sight OF difference. ~ Tjd-Bus
Mrs. Guzzlcr-.'WilI you be home to
dinner. dear?'' Guzzier-"No; i'm
portaut business; downtown Late
Mrs. G.-'What pity! and we are
going to have such a nice rum omelet.n
Guzzser I'll be home. '-Tocn TOPICS.
Mr.. B. Conhill (ofBoston)-Ah, Miss
Chandler, / see You are an admirer of
Milton! Miss Chandler (of Cincinnati)
No; can't say l am. Why, pas
young adyertiSing-man makes rhymes
with a good deal pleasanter jingle!-
Pttc5
Tramp CPiteously-Please help a
poor cripple. Kind Old Gent (hand-
ing him some money Bless me, why,
OF course, How are YOU crippled. my
poor fellow? Tramp Oocketing the
money)-Fnancialiy crippled, sir
Nc10 1or5 Suu
Shc-Do you love me, darling? He
What in blaZes do You want to in
terrupt me for when | am Just adding
up column Of figures? OF course l |
love You! ConfoUnd it all. Now I've |
GOT to add that whole column up over
agaiu.-SOucriLjk journal
How did that burgIar-alarm 1 sold
You turn out?" Great" Worked |
well. ch!' Yes; when it went off it |
alarmed everybody in the house so
badly that the burglars GOT off with |
everything before we were over being |
ratified. '-LiRcoLt JGHraa.
He Ga pcssimisD mankind |
has greatly dcgencrated, particularly |
IN wit and beauty. I'm going to write |
book on the subject" She-.I |
should advise You 20 lecture; Your APP
pealance would lend such force toyour
arguments, You know. Torn Topics
BoggS (dramatcally)-I.ook at me. |
look at me. ! say, and see what Your |
undetermined higher education of |
women has done for me, FoggS You /
L'h tiIttd mat II mas caused th3t' /
Baggs- do; my wife has been
taking boxing lesSons.-IcraS SJtiHgS.
Dear me-" said the little Boston
boy, after intellectual suasion had
failed and they had spanked him for
the first time; IF had had the slight
est suspicion that the resultant sensa-
ton was 80 poignant l should never
have invited the experiment. Puck.
\ New York manufacturer advertises
for ''men TO hang dumb-waiters. This
Is too severe. \ dumb waiter is often
preferable to the loquacious waiter.
II Is the waiter who expects a fee
larger than the price Of ones dinner
that should be hanged. if any.-Nor-
FjSt0lCH Herald
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