The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-08-25
Wrttten for The Ark0nsoW 7raveler.
 THE SOCIETY WIT.
BY IKE PHILKINs.


 found at all our evening parties About the only excuse for his non- suppression is that he usually delights those whose information is meagre but whose pretentions to being 'sbon hominy," as this witty individual himself would put it, are built on a sandy foundation. Of course, refer to the modern society wit-the man with whom we meet at our social gatherings and evening parties, and who essays to convulse the entire company with his supernatural bursts of mirthful bon mots, as he thinks, but who, in reality, bores all sensible people while amusing them with the colossal proportions of his imbecility. l was at "swell" gathering in Chi cago not long ago, and this individual was there, of course. will give 8 few scraps from his evening repertoire, as may call it, as noted them down, together with the spice with which it was unexpectedly, seasoned by little short-haired girl of the family, who, 1t seemed, was Tom boy, and had heard and read, and remembered, all the minstrel jokes and current chest nuts of the day.
 70, I'm awfully afraid he'll not come such dreadful night as this" said Mrs. De Pork to several of her guests. "And I did so want you all to meet him, and enjoy his enchanting company. He's so entertaining and witty, isn't he, Eugenia?"
 "He's just too sweet and entertain ing for anything" exclaimed Miss Eugenia, one of those too-too speci- mems of feminine loveliness of uncer- tain age and varied experiences, whom one has to endure in a modern draw ing-roOm. "He's always so fresh and original-and-lively-says such new and unexpected things that one"
 "Newl Huhw spoke up little short-haired girl of about nine sum- mers, daughter of Mrs. De Pork, who always took in the minstrels and read joke books, and was the Tom boy of the family and considered dis grace in even codfish aristocracy cir cles. "That's just because you all never read nothin', nor hear anything except what them cane- sucking dudes get off p
 "1mogen l" exclaimed Mrs. De Pork, in rage; "you'll be the death of me yet through sheer embarrassment. You dare to open your mouth this evening when MT. Funnyman is talking p After which refined rebuke she turned to another knot of guests and said "He is so entertaining, and has such a naiUe way of carrying society with him." (She pronounced the French word "nawvey.O
 "Yes," said another guest; Che does say the cutest witty things; and he always makes one so at ease, and never seems at loss."
 "That man will certainly be famous some of these days" said a blondined brunette with eyeglasses, struggling to retain their position on pug nose. "1've told him time and again that he ought to gather up his bright sayings and publish them for the benefit of all. It would make him rich, Pm sure. No man has right to hide such talent and originality"
 70, is he really going to be here to- night?" asked simpering miss ot seventeen, who felt her inferiority in the midst of what I might call the hoary headed rulers of Chicago soci- ety. "I've never had the delightful honor of his acquaintance, but I've heard SO much about him. Carrie De Gumdrop knows him, and is always telling me about him, and she says he'i just too heavenly"
 Just here the "too heavenly" MT Funnyman entered, and by way of accustoming all to his dazzling bright ness, emitted flashes of his wit as fol- lows:
 Mrs. De Pork (going up to him familiarly, while others envied her)- 70, it was just too good in you to come through all this snow and wind when you knew how disappointed I'd be if you didn't. was afraid you would not feel"
 MT. Funnyman (with his sweetest smile, which caused all the ladies to look bewitched)- -"Well, you shouldn'. have felt 90. You know this is just the sort of weather for bear-and you called me a dear, delightful bear last time I was here-a parlor bear eh2" and he stopped and smiled at this pun, while the ladies crowded around and looked heavenly delight. Mrs. De Pork Chipping him play. | fnllv with her Ulovel-0How can vou say such . dreadful thing of me? you mean creature, you. Now, you come and be introduced to all these folks Mrs. Kidd, Mrs. De Rose-and er-um = um-I believe you know Mir Masher."
 Mir. Funnyman (bowing to all with an easy and flippant swing)-"Yes how are you, Masher, old boy2 Glad to sec you. (Mr. Masher tries to loot | n