Woodville Republican. (Woodville, Miss.) 185?-current, 1888-12-08
UNEXPECTED ANSWERS.
Pungent Replies Dealt Out to In
quisitive Questioners.
Been Out -WItted-some StartIIngly
Sharp and Amusing ReJolnders
to Questions Calculated to
Confuse.

81 would like my bill paid" said a
tailor to an impecunious customer.
'Do yoa not owe any one any thingP"
asked the debtor "No, sir; l am
thankful to say do not" Then you
can afford to watt" was the answer as
the customer walked away.
A country Clergyman was impressing
upon his gardener the importance OF
his giving due attention to his utter
ances in the pulpit, and told him to
provide himself with pencil and paper
to take notes Of any passages which he
particularly dwelt upon. Next Sunday
morning he was glad to perceive John
busily following his advice. After the
services he accosted him on his way
home and asked to see his notes. After
some demur John produced his paper.
To the astonishment, it was scralled all
over with unintelligble words and SEN
tences. "Why, John, this is all non.
sense" he said, somewhat Indignantly.
''Deed, sir, to tell the honest truth,
thocht that a the time ye was preach
ing!'
An Irish girl who was servant to Q
lady was complimented by her before
company on the elaborate ornamental,
tion of large pie at dinner. "Why,
Bridget you are quite an artist. How
did you manage to do this so beauti.
fullyPn she inquired, thinking to rally
her for the company's amusement.
''Indade, it was meself that did it,
mum" said Biddy, with a malicious
grin. "Isn't 1t putty, mum. I did il
with your false teeth, mumI''
A notorious miser was once presented
by clergyman with a pamphlet OF
almsgiving. Seeing him some time
afterwards, he asked him what he
thought Of it. ''It's very fine, sir. >
''Well, l trust you will act up to its
teachings" said the minister. "Yor
would perceive the great necessity o.
charity being freely given" $50 much
So" answered the old niggard, 81 have
great mind to turn beggar myself"
An English nobleman travelling in.
cognito in the United States and wish.
ing to enjoy his trip free from all the
strict etiquette of his life at home, was
one day annoyed by a negro waiter
lettering around the room, although
he had several times told him he die
notrequire him to wait table. At last he
peremptorily ordered him to leave the
room. Excuse me, sab" said Sambo
with look OF immense Importance
''excuse me, but Use 'sponsible for dG
silver" This same nobleman relates
that while sleeping in remote Western
hotel after long days journey, he wa!
awakened early in the morning by {
black waiter. Feeling rather tired, ht
went to sleep again, but in a short time
was agained awakened by the beC
clothes being quietly pulled off. "Wha
do you mean, you black rascalP" he in
dignantly demanded. Cant you le
me sleep in peace?" "Guess you car
sleep as long as you like, sab" replied
Cuify, "only l must hab de sheet any
how, cause dey're waitin down-stairi
for de big white tableclofl''
A gentleman. recently married wa.
continually expatiating on the beauties
and good qualities of his better-half
much to the disgust Of his friends, whC
were somewhat dubious of the lady be
ing such paragon ofperfection. On'
day, after listening to big dose Of full
some praises about the lady, gentle
man remarked that it was quite righ
his friend should be blessed with thu
hand of such treasure. "How do yol
make that outP" asked he. "Wha
special right had / to herP" "By th,
law of nations, of course, as the frs
discoverer.
In certain town in the north o
Scotland there lived a barber who wa
somewhat addicted to frequent bouts o
drinking. One morning after deeI
boose he was shaving the parish minis
ter, who, observing his hand was some
what unsteady, and that he had drawr
blood once or twice, solemnly remarked
James, my friend, its very sad thing
to see man victim to strong drink.
Deed, it's that" complacently an
swered the barber; 'it's very bad
thing, and malz's the skin unco tender.
well Pat" said a victorious Gen
eral to a soldier after the battle. "whai
did you do to help US to win this greai
victoryPn do. yer honorP Why,
walked bowldly up to one Of the inimy
an cut of his fut.n "His footi Why
didn't you cut off his headP" "Ah
sure, yer honor, an that was of al
ready"