The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-03-03
HIS DEFENS SEE.

Judge MeXford, one or the sternest jurists in Kentucky, took his judg- ment seat one morning with an angry thump. The officers of the court spoke in whispers, and, from time to time, cast sly glances at an old fellow named Haines.
 "Mr. Haines," said the judge, se- verely turning to the old man, "why did you, after having been regularly installed as a juryman, fail 10 make your appearance here yesterday and the day before?"
 "Your honor, l."
 The judge snapped savagely. "l know what you are going to say, sir. You are going to put up a pitiful story about your wife being sick"
 "No, your honor, my wife is in bout ez good health ez any reasonable size woman ever seed. She weighs bout two hundred and forty an'-"
 "Mr Clerk" exclaimed the judge, enter up fine of ten dollars against this man for calling his wife a woman of reasonable size. Don't be Hurried, Mir. Haines, for we have not=yet reached the main issue. l suppose" added the judge, "that you were kept away on account of your own illness" '"
 "No, yo' honor, I ain't had better health in twenty odd year than Pve had lately"
 "Ah," said the judge, "your horse, then, must have jumped out of the lot and run away, leaving you in help less condition"
 "No, yo,honory ymy-ole nag has stuck right by me-"
 "Then, sir" said the judge, "you had no excuse whatever. Why should not impose A fine of one hundred dollars on you? An, see, that you are going to throw yourself upon the mercy of the court. I'll show you what justice is, regardless of mercy"
 "I ain't goin' ter AK fur no mercy an none sich, jedge," the old fellow replied "Tve jest nachully got de- fense, an alter you git through a blowin' uv yo' hon wy Pll set up my defense an let you walk round it, ad- mirin' uv the piece uv work"
 The judge became furious. 'I think" he exclaimed, "that about six months in the county jail will teach you how to speak to this court with a little more respect. You talk, sir, as if you were going to build house and then see this court walk around with it's hands under it's coat tails ad- miring it."
 "Yas, jedge, that's putty much the way talk. ain't much acquainted with you, understan', an ain't never felt uv yo' principles ez man, an in settin' up my defense I'll have ter take my chances on you bein' man. Now jest listen ter me with the year uv pa tience till git through. Tuther day me and Feb Gillispie-the gentleman who shot old man Stoveall two year ago come next June--wuz & walkin through the woods an whut should we do but find kag all kivered with moss. Feb ain't man that ken stan much excitement, go he trapped down on his knees right thar, he did, an the beads uv sweat stood out on his for rid like warts on tOad-frang. l knowed that he wuz face to face with suthin uv onusual natur', but some- how couldn't. zaekly tell whut 1t wuz, 90 put my han on Zeb's head an says, 'Keerfnl, now, Zebbie, keer- ful.' He looked at me an says, Bill, you don't know whut has tuck place. Man, this here kag all kiyered with moss, hyar, wuz hid out by ole man Mason all durin' the war, an is full uv lieker.' Then trapped. We spread our hans on that ar kag, an lifted up our thanks thar in the will derness- We tuck the kag ter my house an gun ter draw of some uv her life's blood. Jedge, may not have good idee erbout good many things, but when it comes ter settin' in jedgment on flicker, wy the folks