Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1888-08-17

leave before the meeting was over. This
was strictly true; was sick of protection,
and expected to be made sicker by hearing
the Hon. Lycurgus Leatherlungs pour out
his lying trash. was excused and Esquire
Jones took the place.
The Hon. Lycurgus took the stand, and
opened his che eks in the centre with the
old, old gush of the grandeur and achieve
ments of the Republican party. / could
stand this, for was used to it. But
when he got on the prosperity of our coun-
try, and said it was all owing to protec-
tive tariff. I got as uneasy as if I was sit
ting on nettles. At last, when he said
that the tariff lowered the price of goods
and appealed to the Democrats present
and there were several on hand, for Moo
dletoczy is lager beer saloon town of three
hundred inhabitants, and of course Dem
ocrats abound-I say, when he made this
appeal, got up like an old fool and asked
if might put question.
The Hon. Lycurgus looked surprised, as
all at the meeting did, but he said, ''Oh,
certainly! we're always delighted to hear
from the Nestor Of Washington Town
ship.''
WELL" l said. very sarcastic, 1.-THE
Nestor wants you to explain, if protec
tive tariff lowers prices, what Is the good
of a protective tariff ?''
"Certainly!" cried the M. G.; ''Nothing
easier. You see, before protective tariff
is enacted, the foreign manufacturers have
a monopoly. aud they put prices up to
what they please. Under the fostering
care of protective tariff this is stopped,
home industries thrive, and competition
brings down prices"
There was laundering applause among
the fools at this; but [ wasn't to be put
down in that way, so went on: livery
good, very good indeed; but if that is the
end of protection, why not have it at the
beginning? Why put up prices on Us. only
to pull things down again?"
''No, indeed,'' he replied; "for our great
object is to foster American labor, and
not capital. Under our system, wages of
lanOr go up steadily"
There was another round of applause
1t made me mad as hornet, and 1 said,
Hold on, hold on, there. l know, and
believe you know, that the worst paid
labor in the country is protected labor.
Why, look into Hooking Valley, here,
right under your nose, and see miners
worked like mules. and paid scarcely
enough to keep their wretched souls in
their wretched bodies. They're worse off
than niger slaves before the war;
By this time the Democrats present be
gan to get the bearing of our discourse,
and they gave me a laundering round of
applause, Pete SIocum shouting go it,
old Soil" Hit i'm agin! ~ swell stand
by We - The Republicans began to hiss,
and all the Democrats hanging round
Whites corner came cr0wding in. 1 saw
there was going to be disturbance, and
as class leader and law abid ing citizen
felt disposed to back out; but just then
the Hon. LYcurgus spoke:
ut pains me-" he said, ''to see our YEN
cradle friend lending himself to this rab
BILE of unpatriotic people, willing to sacri-
fee American labor to British interests.
Is he prepared to have these British pour
in on us their cheap products?"
es, he u.s." shouted. LET 'em pour.
If l can get cheap clothes for my children,
and cheap blankets to cover them, say,
let 'em pour. I al as patriotic as any
man; but if that means putting rags ON
the backs of my little ones, and taking
food out of their hungry mouths, and
making slaves of us all, l am not that
sort of patriot. Let 'em pour, Lycurgus;
let 'em pour. They can waken me up at
midnight with their pouring in of cheap
things, aud I won't be offended
At this the Demo Gratis fairly yelled,
while they applauded with hands. feet, anu
sticks. They shouted, "Let EN- pour
Lycurgus; let 'em pour % The Republi
blicans were all up on their feet. Some
shouted, "Put him out ~ "Put him out ~
meaning the undersigned. But Lycurgus
waved his hand, and, as soon as he could
be heard, said, "No; permit the unhappy
old man to remain. We want him as an
example. He is member of the Infamous
Golden Club, that is using its gold to
break down our great American system"
1 could not stand this, so I shouted
back, "Lycurgus Leatherlungs, if you say
am member of the Golden Club, or any
other club, you are an Internal liar.''
The tumult that then followed defes
description. Everybody spoke at once,
and in the midst of the confusion that
restless son of Satan, Slippery Sam Jones,
born idiot, threw dead cat that took
the Hon. Lycurgus square in the counte-
nance. 1 say it was Slippery Sam, for he
is as sure to have dead cat about him, las a
protectionist has his cry of British gold.
Let it rest, however, as to who threw the
cat. It was thrown. and it silenced the
Hon. Lycurgus, adjourned the meeting,
and came near burning down the Noodle
toozy town hall; for, as the Hon. L. stag
gered back he knocked over the table, and
with it a kerosene lamp. The lamp ex-
ploded, and the whole concern tumbled
into the street. without waiting for mo-
tion to adjourn.
I am very sorry the disturbance occur
red. I believe, however, got the best of
the argument. Sol. PUTNAM.
FEW QUESTIONS.