Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1888-03-23
PaTH AND POINT.

A GANG Of desperadOes is a preying
band.
DISPENSERS of charity are permitted
to carry aims.
That would be a weak enterprise
which could not stand loan.
TIE spook of the Haunted Tavern"
must have been an inn specter.
8Iosr organ grinders have a woe be-
gone look. This probably is due to
the fact that they hear so much of
/ their own musie.-BOStO7I Courier.
/ GEN. SHERMAN doesn't believe in
eOloring the hair. In other words,
"Let me like a soldier dye" isn't q
favorite melody with Tecump. Silt
i7lgs.
The smartest detective in America is
now in this city. He arrested a mans
attention the other day, and is to be
promoted in consequence. TeraS SiJt-
jTgs.
LADIES speak of short dresses as
lust clearing the floor, but really the
tdress that Just clears the floor is the
dress with four yards of train. Bur
ljHgtO7l Free Press.
A KNIGHTS OF LABOR paper saws:
"Jay Gould deserves the penitentiary."
Yes, and he would get it, too, if it were
left where he could put his hand on it.
l--4TEG7lSGlU ITGUsleT.
LITTLE BoY-W'en / dit big nuf to
wear papa's big Overcoat I'll be man.
Little Girl-And Wen I dit big huff to
wear mammals hustle I'll be a CONAN.
an den won't 1 be sweet ?-ATcOtG
Record
al WAS completely carried away with
your sermon this morning, Brother
HightOne, said a leading sCmnam-
bulist to his pastor. "Ah, yes, " replied
the shepherd; $50 I observed. Into
dreamland, too, wasn't it?"-DetTOit
Free Press.
PARsON F'ITZRoY is nothing if not ele-
CANT In his pulpit dictioh but he rather
surprised his parishioners on Sunday,
when he arose to the extreme fecility
of referring to Lots lady, who was
transformed into a mOnOlith of chloride
of sodium.
, POLICE JUSTICE - William Snyde-
heller, you are accused of being a
Yagrant. What do you say about it
PrisiOner-It is a libel. Glow do you
make that out?" "My wife does the
largest washing business in town"
"SiXty days. "-LjpcOt91 Journal
IT has been decided in the Supreme
Court of Pennsylvania that a person
may fry onions regardless of the incon-
venience the odor of the cooking gives
: to the neighbors. It is decisions like
this that make Anarchists out of
r hitherto inofensive citizens. ~ Pitts
/ baLTgb Chronicle.
TRUE HAPPINESS.
when does a man find happiness
Entirely without allOy2"
When he thinks he has eaten a toadstooI
And finds twas mushroom my boy"
. Boston Courier.
THERE lie the remains OF poor Christopher
The rest of him couldn't be found;
He sat on powder cask smoking his pipe
While the wind blew the ashes around.
, -StfttHgs
ELLA WHEELER Wilcox truly sings {:
f owe build our own ladders to climb to
> the sky" Certainly we do. And we'd
t get there. too, if we only built enough
? / ladders and made them long enough.
D The trouble with us is, that after
: splicing the ladders until we get some
where about the fifth story, we decide
. to sit down and economic breath by
r waiting for the elevator. And then,
= half the time a fellow steps into the
8 elevator when 1t is on the down trip
f Robert y. BIJTdette-
t A YOUTHFUL Roman soldier, being
I captured by the enemy, was threatened
+, with torture if he refused to betray the
r Roman army; and, to show that he
e did not fear any torture that could be
4 inflicted upon him. he held his right
e arm over the flames until it was burned
? off-never finching, never faltering,
j. and showing no indications of the more
= than mortal agony he injured. 1t is
j. extremely doubtful, however, if he had
= the courage and fortitude Of an Ohio
e young man, who had the nerve recently
e to elope with his mother. in-law !-AT-
# cola Record.