Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1888-01-28

TO WAKES Inquisitivc, Has u Fight and
Wins the bay.
"You vos q commercial draiiler, chr
"No.n
Tho assistant 10 the German barber was
the one who asked the question. addressing IL
b n slender but middle aged man in the chair
at which hc earned his far from nionotonous
way through life. lie had shaved this Gus
toner two or three times before, and was
cndeavoring TO find out all about him, as all
BARRIERS always have done when thci. ru,i-
osity was up and their man was down and
lathcred and well tucked In.
"Oh, you're choost CLERK by sdorc, chr
"No; shave up whin you sit TO me neck.
Nc neck Is tind:r."
"Ccrtently; know dot Maypc you rccn
In der ligger peczness. Veil, dots n fine
pcczncss, barticklcr uf you got q good
shtand. know frent of minc from der
samo willagc vhcrc vos born, und he
got"-
mo frina, Dim not In the saloon trade, at
all, and so ye'rc joost wastin' yer breath.
Aisy wild your razor on mo chin.n
"All rishd; you kccb your pcezncas by
yoursclluf. choost like 90 mako mineselluf
bolitc init you, dots ALL"
Tho job was practically finished, tho last
strokes Of tho brush were being applied. whom
''the monkey barber" rs tho boss always
called him, on account OF his foolishncss, ex-
hibited loss both Of temper and discretion,
owing 10 tho customers reticencc.
"Uf you vos ashamed Won your pcczncss
you dono right not 70 told Something's apowd
dot; vot It voA A mans got TO put Won eye
out und look sharp like der Ofile nowadays.
on ackound uf Anthony GoRStocks und In
sbcctor Williams und der society for der brc-
wention uf cruelty, alretty; barticklcr uf be
vos doing crooked peczncss, yet" y
"Thundcr and stars!" shouted tho Gus
toner. literally beside himself and springing
out Of tho chair. "Fwhat d'yo manc at all,
wild yer slacki No bizncSs Is mo bizncss, md
its not tho rights Of amy monkey faced,
cracked jawcd larrup iv Doo;ch divil to
Grass QUESTION mo fwhinivcr hc hns mo laid
out In q chair at his convenience. Mo biz
ness, Is IN It's lickin' tho Dootch; that's
fwhat It Is. There, now; como on, now, till
polish tho flurc wild yer head"
"IIor on! Sdop q lcetlc! Wait chocst
minute!" said tho boss, rushing to tho aid Of
his assistant. "Dis dins's Got 20 bccn played
owd. Whoefrer licks dot poy must first lick
mincsclluf. 1t vos fife year. now, vot efrcry
busnacious lrishmans By der city has pccn
licking dot poy, und 1t costs mo weeks
wages for n substidoot each dime alrctty."
"oi'll lick the two nv yer and ell yer rcla-
tions,n raid tho iratc customer. "D'yc think
DIN lay shtill and let comic picture from
q Dootch paper walk oil over mo wild his
tongue
"Chimany cracly!' shouted tho German
barber, scizing the hot water kettle with its
gallon of boiling contents. "a man can't die
moro as voacc, alretty. Rua, or boil you
init der kettle. Chakc! Why der tickons
don't you do somcdinssi Kick der stofc ofer
und CLIMB by der sircct und yell like scxty,
or chump down his troat und carve your way
owd from his boots init der razor. I show
you, You pig loavcr."
At tho samo instant tho German barber be-
gan TO swing the kettle like mailman. Tho
assistant lifted tho great sla5 Of marble OF
tho table, and both advanced toward the Gus
toner. They wcrc too much for him. lie
seized his lat and ovcrcoat aud fed, rausins
at the door TO hiss something about u lunatic
asylum bstwccn his teeth.
When hc had como tho German barber
dropped into u chair in a paroxysm of
laughter.
"Chakc," said hc, "do:'s der greatest day
uf my lifc..-.scw York Sun.