Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-05-18
AN OBNOXIOUS BEAU.
BILL NYE ADVISES A YOUNG LADY
WHAT TO DO.
lie Suggests Judicious Use OF
Younger Brother-Sad Music Recon-.
mended-Avoid Laughing at His Funny
Stories-Other Plans.
RosroN. Feb. q. 1887.

posToN, Feb. g. 1887.
IN NYE-I have enjoyed all your writings IN
The Globe ever so much, and noticing that you
have given great deal Of advice free, | though.
that possibly YOU would tell me the best method
of getting rid Of an impertinent young man,
whose room is much preferable TO his company.
Hoping that do not intrude on your valuabls
.ime. Yours truly,
You do not say why you wish to get rid
of the young man, nor do You state what
Is the matter with him; whether he is o
poor convcrsationalist or too fluent in that
line; whether the first two joints Of his
finger and thumb are yellow with cigar
cite stains, or what his leading character
istics are. Possibly he has fatty degener
alton of the thinker
However, you say he is an impudont
young man, and ! infer that you have
gone through the preliminaries of gentle
scorn and such things rs that. Now,
what shall we do TO make him fully I'M
dcrstand that you do not want him TO re-
main?
Perhaps you have such thing rs a
younger brother about the house. II so,
bring him in and let him toy with The
young man few hours. Hou can excuse
yourself while You ostensibly put on your
other dress and if YOU delay long enough
you can cause the young man a great deal
Of intense suffering. You can take the
right kind OF younger brother, with in
llGmmatory hair and white eyes and warts
on his thumbs and season cracks in the
backs Of his hands, and if You properly
"aick' the boy on his prey and fasten the
door securely you can come back in an
hour and do anything You want To with
that young man. ! know this To Toe true,
I ]. alf
have also been the boy.
OTHER NDIGNITIEs.
have known young man who In
tested Il house that way TO be eradicated
by means of very sod music. They do not
die in the house.
Another plan would be to avoid laugh
inc at his funny anecdotes. Wait till he
gets through with his anecdote and looks
up in your eyes for twinkle Of merri.
mcnt That is the time 10 refrain from
tWin&lng. Wait till he gets TO the nub
Of the joke, rs it were, and pricks mp his
ears 10 listen for wild burst of silyery
laughter. That is the time 10 hang on &c
your siiycry laughter. 1t Will give him a
panied expression of countenance, and
you VIII see him soon. after look at his
watch. When he completes his story,
suddenly wake up and ask him if that is
hil. Few men CJui endure this for over
two weeks.
OF course there are other and more
radical methods Of accomplishing the re-
suit you wish, but these are the ones more
common in the best society. i naturally
supposed that you wanted the methods
used in the best society. or you would
have gone elsewhere instead of coming
TO me.
Should you finally wish TO be more Sc
vere, however, you can invite Young
girl 20 be present during the young mans
stay. ] would suggest that this young
girl be fluent talker on the subject Of
clothes. If you beth keep the talk going
pretty well while the young man looks AT
the album or gazes with fixed stare
through a stereoscope that hasn't any pic.
lures in it, you will soon have his pachy.
derlnic pclt on the fence.
BARE POSSIBILITY.
But there is bare possibility that this
young man is I'm love with you, and would
think it humorous even If you were IA I'll
him full Of fine shot. In that case do
not know what you ought to do. Love is
strange missive. II goes where it is
not sent and it refuses 10 60 where II Is
sent.
IL NOu Cbllu BCl ill.ll away ny IllllStll.
It would be we'll enough. perhaps, TO ask
him if he loves you. That's the way
would do. The quicker matter Of that
kind is disposed of the better. Ask him
in manly way if such is the case, and if
he really does love you, and has reason &c
believe that you were paying attention &c
him all this time, you cannot in honor de
sert him now.
DO not be discouraged. Let me know
how you get on with the suggestions
have made above and l am confident we
will succeed.
Have you ever tried wearing n large,
tall hat with n stuffed bluejay in it to the
theatre and sitting in the seat just in
front Of him? Try it if you have not done
80 already, and il you do not get rid Of
him, rs well as n great number of law
shding citizens, wrhe me and will sug.
geet something else.
Yours, truly, BILL NYR