Crawford avalanche. (Grayling, Mich.) 1879-19??, 1888-09-27
HAPPY SMILES.

TT is the police who ma-nip-u-late. =
Duluth Pdrdgrdpher.
An Eastern publisher onn ounces for
fall, "How to Get afHusband We
respectfully suggests that the safest
place to get him is by the ear.
GoLDsMITH's love for everything
that's old" would have been gratified if
Goldsmith could have lived to read the
humor of the last half of the nineteenth
century.
"How STORMS Are Made" is the sub
iect of a learned article in an exchange.
The quickest way to make them is %
leave your umbrella at home. dams
Uilie Breeze.
HUSBAND (of economical views)-
"That 8 a very becoming bonnet, my
dear" Wife of (sarca Itic turn)-"Oh,
yes, becoming very old and decrepit"
Washington Critic.
ISN'T it little strange that when
ship is loaded she is generally we'll hal
an anss5, e but when q man gets that way
-YOnkerS Statesman.
WHY women kiss women no one has
ever yet been able to determine, but it
is generally agreed, we believe, that
men kiss women because the women
want them to- SomerUule Journal.
FARMERS wife Qimping into the
house)-"That brindle COW kicked me,
John, an I'm afraid my leg is broken"
Farmer Cash ding that oritterl Is
the milk spilled ?"-Teras Siftings.
MOTHER (to meddlesome child)-Ed-
win, il you don't stop putting your fin
gers in that oxalic acid, the first thing
you know You will be on the way to
heaven. Elder sister-Yes, and if you
do go, just think, you would never see
your dear mother again !-Harper's
| BdzdT.
CUSTOMER Go barber)-"Shave down,
please, as it makes my face sore to
shave against the grain" I'D just as
soon shave down as not" replied the
loquacious torturer, "but can't find any
on your grizzly old face. The down on
your face turned to bristles years ago."
DansUule Breeze.
BosToN must not be trifed with:
Sir Knifton Marmalade, of Wigworth
Hall, Kent, England, (to Boston hotel
porter)-Here, m man, call me hanson
cab! Boston hotel porter (kindly but
frmIy)-Excuse me, sir, will call a
cab for you; but the qualifying word is
pronounced herdic in Boston. Puck.
He was telling the boys that he had
never been troubled with corns, and he
was an object of envy and admiration
but this did not last long, for as he
moved away the peculiar joint motion
of his knees betrayed the fact that he
wore patent wooden legs. Acorns do
not grow on bass swo0d. atlanta Con-
StjtlLtiOn.
"LET your poem be kept nine years."
is bit of advice that Horace has left
vUrDuIIy TnoArIT- "OtTrcs E1v SesvI0sos'
The writer knows scores of people who
have kept their poems twenty-nine
years, although they have at times
made frantic efforts to give them to the
world. d.-HdIper's Bdzdr.
"DID you save anything out of the
wreck 2" asked the friend. Nothing to
speak Of" replied the honest bankrupt
ploomilv. 81 lost heavily by my own
folly." allow SOP" "Why, settled like
, a fool for 40 cents, and learned the next
day that the creditors would have been
: only too glad to have got 30. / might
lust as we'll as not have made it 90"
7 Bludette.
UNCLE RAsTUs entertaining the min
| lister at Sunday dinner) Will yo' arsk
the blessing, Mistah Loveioy? Minister
(suspiciously) me, Brudder
! Rastns but wha di yo' git dem ah
Q chickens? Uncle Rastus (hastily)-I
l whitewashed er fence fo' 'em, Mistah
a Loveioy, deed / did; dats homes
4 Minister fervently)-Denm may de guide
r Lo'd, wifi his infinite mercy, SEN down
e (etc., etc. ).-NeIC York Sun.
ALFONSO DEBERIoT-Y say you arr
not superstiiou3, Miss Gushington, bu
! would YOU dare TO be married on Fri
day? Miss Gushington-What mex
. Flilay? Why, dear Alfonso, you ar'
= SO sudden and so unconventional "Yol
. quite misunderstood me- / protest
3 didn't propose--" "That's all right
; Alfonso you didn't propose as they nsu
= ally do, but like it all the same. Yes
= dear, it shall be Friday" Alfons'
swoons. s.-Sprilagtield Union
+ RHYMELET.
They sat on the pier ut ovt ntde,
Watching the wavelets come and 60,
1t And tossed a hook. with silken line,
A Into the tidelets ebb and How.
\ With quick little jerklet, now and then,
VI The dudelct pulled up fishlet n eat,
e. And took It off from the hooklet sharp,
To lay at the dainty maidlets Is fest
aWhat n shlme to torture the 1shlets sol"
The dainty maidles ut last exclaimed.
Were not going to eat them ut ALL you
~ think that we ought to be ashamed !,
"a A clou let passed Ger the dudelet's brow
IN But he said. rs he threw the iishlet away ;
you're not TO BE- eaten' Dut won't you DO
caught1"