St. Paul daily globe., 1888-08-19
GRAVEYARD POETRY.


GRAVEYARD POETRY.
Sample Verses at the Door Before
the Funeral Robes Have Been
Made.
Pittsburg Dispatch
The schemes which grasping human
lty devises for the accumulation of base
wealth are numerous and peculiar.
Since the world began, new ones have
been sprung, almost daily, on the un-
suspecting public, and the supply is ap-
parently as inexhaustible to-day as it
was 5000 or 1000 years ago, when the
magicians of the Egyptian court were
caught up on their little game of turn
Ing walking sticks into Serpents. And
Just as long as the supply lasts the pub
lie will continue to be unSuSpecting
and susceptible. One of the pleasant
little schemes to which the present gen.
Grafton is asked to contribute is firm
for the manufacture of what is COM
monty known as graveyard poetry. The
verse is ground out by the yard and
charged for by the line. The motto of
the firm is. "a rapid accumulation of
capital on as small an expenditure of
braln power as possible"
business man of considerable
wealth recently lost brother by death.
He naturally felt his loss very keenly,
but on Saturday afternoon as he sat in
his office he seemed unusually dis
treSsed. An open letter lay on the table
before him. 1t was written in plain,
business hand, and was dated from
small but enterprising Western Penn
SSylvana town. 'Read that, my boy"
he said to reporter who dropped in to
see him, land tell me whether or not I
ought to let the writer live.' The let
ter itself was not very long. Here it is:
MY DEAR SIR-It is with feeling of
deepest sadness that we learn your re-
cent bereavement. Knowing your af-
fection for the deceased, and feeling
that one of your chiefest desires will be
to perpetuate his memory, we venture
to send you sample of memorial cards.
which we are prepared to furnish at
prices which barely cover the cost of
producing them. A remembrance of
this kind would undoubtedly be dearly
cherished by the many friends of the
deceased. Hoping to hear from you
soon, we are, respectfully,
BLANhETY, BLANK t& Co.
P. S.-Kindly return the sample card
to us, whether you order ur not.
B., B. & Co.
The card which accompanied the let
ter was about three inches square. 1t
was black, with gilt edges and letter
ing. The words "In Memoriam'' ap-
peared at the top, then came space for
the name and age of the deceased, and
the date of death, with whatever other
remarks were deemed proper or neces-
sary, and down at the bottom was the
following
TOUCHING BIT OF POETRY:
AT least it was called poetry, and no
one has yet been found who had nerve
enough to suggest any other name
for it:
He was an honest, upright man,
And massive was his wealth;
But he worked too hard in getting it,
And undermined his health.
Now he has passed away from u.s.
The angels called for him;
Ees happy up in Paradise,
Our dearest brother Jim.
That was all. The reverse side of the
card was entirely blank. That was
probably the reason the business man
preferred to lay it that side up on his
desk. ''What do you think of that?'' he
exclaimed. as it was handed back to
him.
Horace Greeley, or some one else
equally as important, said once that
good reporters never expressed an opin-
ion which might implicate them. Con-
sequently, on this occasion no decisive
opinion was ventured. Finally, the
business man himself continued:
''I've seen good deal of this sort of
stuff in my life. and if you will sit down
L will tell you thing or two about the
way the schemes are worked. The
chaps who run that memorial card bu-
reau watch the papers for death notices
and obituaries. They get the names of
relatives of the deceased and send cards
that they think will be appropriate. A
certain class of people like that sort of
thing, and there is good deal of money
in it. Just on the quiet, though, if l had
the fellow who sent me that card /
would choke him till he couldn't speak.
But there are other schemes that
beat this all hollow. A few months ago
couple Of friends of mine lost a baby
boy. They had scarcely brought them
selves to realization that the little fell
low was dead when special delivery
letter was left at the door. 1t was from
firm right here in this city, and, in n
alleged touching manner, it offered
collection OF obituary poetry suitable for
children. The. prices were said to be
reasonable, and the poetry was alleged
to be at once touching and pathetic.
One or two samples were inclOsed. l
look copies of some of them for future
reference. Here they are. Listen to
this one:
A PATHETIC GEM.
Our dear little Jack has left US
Floated away to the other shore
Whooping cough is what bereft US;
He had the measles once before.
Here is another:
No more he'll come with outstretched hands
To meet me at the door;
He's gone across to angel land,
To meet his grandpap, gone before.
''Then there was a little gem evil
IDENTIFY intended for an infant, 1t read
something like this:
Over the river she's floated away:
Gone for her harp and her wings.
Her age was only week and day:
But we d made all her dresses and things
'Of course, there were others that
were really passably good; some few
that had quite pathetic thoughts in them.
l only took copies of those that struck
me as being ridiculous. You would
scarcely think that anybody would be
foolish enough to want any such stuff
printed with the death notice of a dear
one, would you? But they do. Not more
than month ago / saw one of those
very verses in print in Pittsburg
paper.
II was puzzled for quite a while to
know how the men who write the stuff
find out so quickly when death occurs.
I,0,.