davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-02-23
HUMOROUS.

Landlord -"Come. Sepp, that i.
the tenth match I've seen you strike.
What have you lost?" Sepp-"rm
looking for match that I've dropped
on the floor. Herman Joke.
Observation-Disclosures, I should
think you would go on the police
force" Tambo-"Can't" Interloc-
utor-"You can't? Why?" Tambo-
'.Been in the country too long."-Nin-
strel Joke.
Life is real. life is earnest
And the grave is not its goal:
Dust thou buyest, dust thou burnest
That was spoken Of the coal.
Nebraska State Journal
-Smith-'.Hello. Jones! you don't
look very well this morning" Jones
'.And l don't feel rs we'll as look.
Got up in the middle of the night to
take some pills and swallowed four
collar-buttons before found out the
mistake. Judge
"A petrified sandwich was dug up
near Swan Greek. ILL.,. the other day.
They put it with the collection at the
railroad station and the purchaser said
it was the tenderest sandwich he had
ever bought at that place.-Jadge.
81 wish to know how to prevent
my hair from falling out" said q wife
one day to her husband well. / wish
you could prevent it from falling in"
said the husband. a. he drew one about
foot long out Of the buckwheat cake
he was eating.-Do1sville Breeze.
-Countryman Tin restaurant)-
What kind of ale il this. mister?"
Waiter-'.India pale ale. SIR" Coun-
tryman-"Well. you don't tax a Teller
thirty-five cents for . little bottle like
that, do your" Waiter-''Yes. sir.
You see the freight on it all the way
from India makes it come high"-N
T. Sun.
Mrs. Biggs-"Now that your son
has returned from college. do you feel
repaid for your outlay for his educa-
ton? Did he take any priest" MrA
SquiggsE'O yes. mum. yea indeed.
He got . medal for what he calls
sprinting. and he must be high up in
mathematic. for he says he learned
four new curves. Omaha Republican.
Anxious Arkansaw Mother
Tommy. Is that . green perslmmon
You air eatin' "Yes. maw." Don't
ron knew it amt healthy to eat green
on an empty stomach
FL ain't eatin' this persimmon ON IN
empty stomach. ! ats peck Of 'sm
before / tackled this eae."-zszss SIT
ia1a
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-02-23
The Rage tor Old Silver.

The rage for old silver is growing to
be virulent and is replacing the mad
excitement which existed with us some
years ago in the collection of ceramics.
There are difficulties in the way Of
this last fad, for real antique silver
ware always commands market. and
the value of ceramics is more or less
fluctuating. A rare bit of old china or
pottery is often picked up in the most
out-of-the-way places. but rarer is it to
find a beautiful piece of silver over.
looked by the passing bric-a-brac hum
ter. Since it he's become a regular
trade to collect. in European towns.
old silver to export to America. BUSH
els of apostle spoons. with more or less
authentic pedigrees, have found their
way across the water and into Ameri-
can cabinets of curios. The mistake
which the enthusiast in old silver is
apt to make is that want of discrimina-
ton between what is artistic in design
and that which is crude and ugly in
workmanship. While nothing can be
more beautiful than the artistic silver.
certainly nothing is more unattractive
than that which is inelcSant and
Journal
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-02-23
Is YEARS AGO.

For 10 years Ihave intended writing you.
got my back hurt when about 10 years
old. When about 20 I took severe cold In
my back, SO that for 10 or II years suffered
death twice over, after almost giving up
va induced to try Merrell's Penetrating
years have passed and my back still re.
mains good. I have recommended Ner.
rell's Penetrating Oil to all like sufferers
since. As long a. live I cannot say
enough for it. FELIX MILLER,
To Merchant, Hico, Ark.
J. 8. MERRILL DRUG Co., St Louis, No.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-02-23
PERSONAL AND LlreRARx.

General Lew Wallace has received
Isl. 900 as royalties on ..Ben- Hur." the
sales Of which have reached nearly
zoo. 900 copiea
"A volume Of poems BY the King Of
Sweden has Just been published 1t
Stockholm. King Oscars pen name
is Oscar Frederick
Richard X. Fox. of the New York
Police Gazette. derives an income from
that paper Of $500 600 a year. and tho
Christian at Work is printed on one of
his presses.
Miss Rose Elizabeth Cleveland Is
reported to have won both popularity
and substantial success as q school
teacher; she deserves it. She is q very
bright woman.
Julian Hawthorne, who has large
family to support. thinks of giving up
literature and taking up trade. He has
tried once or twice to make literature
. traae-always with unfortunate re.
suits.
Strangely enough, Mrs Sarah j.
Hale. who was FOR many years the edit
or of Godey's Lady's Book and did a
vast amount of literary work. is to-day
best remembered ~ her verses: MARY
Had a Little Lamb"
Alexander Dumas says he does not
write his memoirs because he does not
care to write about himself. and those
of whom he would love to write, were
he to make such q work complete,
would rather he would remain silent.
Henry Fielding Dickens. son of the
late Charles Dickens. the novelist, is a
lawyer who has high reputation for
wit and eloquence in the London
courts. He is clever in cross-exami-
nations and epigrammatic in his ora.
tory.
The aged Whittier is reported as
saying at his birthday party to one who
referred to matrim ony: ':Ah. was SC
interested in my poetry and in the
slavery struggle that I permitted
those golden days to 60 by without
getting married. and now l am sorry"
-Wilkie Collins lives in a pleasant.
substantial house in Portman square,
London. He suffers much from nerv-
Gus prostration and govt in the eyes.
but in spite of his physicians orders
will persist in writing. He uses small
note paper, stamped with his address.
and bearing in one corner his initiah
in black, skillfully interlaced with a
quill.
Among the women writer's on
specialties in America Mrs. Frances
Hodgson Burnett is devoted to old
armor. Mrs. Mary L. Booth. of Har-
per's Bazar. to old coins. Mrs. Frank
Leslie to laces. Jennie June to rare
china. Anna Katherine Green to illu-
minated books and old missals. and
Mrs. Mary Mapes Dodge to rare prints
Dress
President Cleveland's present to
the Pope was q copy of the United
States constitution, beautifully en-
crossed and richly-bound in book
form. The book is gilt-edged. con.
tains fifteen pages. each page eight
cen inches square, and is bound with
vellum of cream color. The words:
1.-The Constitution of the United
States of America" are on the center
in gilt letters. The book rests in a
case of Tyrian purple. The
gift was accompanied by the Presi-
dents cordial congratulations
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-02-23

the destination. but concealing the
source of these gifts of ST. Valentine.
They must also disguise themselves
= little. so that in case of discovery
their id entity might not be 1T once APP
parent. How it was that amid all
this merry hustle of preparation. some
few words were said which gave each
to each. which gave such uncomputed
wealth in the others life, the doctor
and Sue best knew. But no lady ever
buckled the armor Of her knightly
lover with prouder love. or tenderer
pride. than did this little New England
maiden help make ready her knight
for his peaceful tournament with foes
it was part Of his life work to fight,
poverty and need and pain.
1t was successful sortie. No in.
mate Of the little brown house was
astir. or seemed to hear or suspect.
I'VE were all as whist IS mice. and
every thing was as still as could be-"
said Jack. IS after they returned. they
sat enjoying the delicious coffee and
dainty lunch Mira Wyllie had made
ready. IT'LL one of those big roly-poly
bundles of flannel, or whatever. rolled
of of q barrel. and father didn't see it.
and of course caught his foot in it and
went head first! almost hawhawed.
but the doctor caught hold Of me. and
made me keep quiet"
Il would be hard to describe the
wondering amusement Of the Lanes
mex. morning. An entrance had bsen
made into large. rambling SOD,
cnnneessd with TIE houss b . sAsa
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-02-23
MY VALENTINE,

In the happy long ago.
When my love was very young,
When rocked her to and fro,
And her lullaby Isung;
When her cheek so soft and fair
Nestled often close TO mine,
Then at first I did declare
Daisy was my Valentine.
Later. when her loving lips
Little loving words essayed,
When her curls with golden tips
Little CLEANS Of sunshine made,
When her little dimpled arms
Round about my neck did twino,
Daisy, with her chubby charms
Daisy was my Valentine.
Now. though years have passed away,
Years-why. bless me! near q score
She's my valentine to-day.
And love her more and more;
Love her that the light IS true
Which from her dear eyes doth shine,
And. because she loves me, too,
D-isy is my Valentine.
Other years shall pass away,
Other loves than mine come to her;
To my lass on some fine day
Some fine lad will come to WOO her.
Let this ladies love be leal.
Be as fond and firm as mine
Let b heart be true as steel,
Would he win my Valentine.
He must be both brave and true,
He must love both God and man,
Then. whene'er he comes to WOO,
He may win her il he can.
Through his lips his heart must speak,
Through his eyes his soul must shine.
Through his life her good must seek,
II he wins my Valentine.
When these future years have flown
Fly they must. they can not stay
Daisy still will be my own,
Though she give herself away.
Wheresoe'er her lot may ne.
Howsoe'er her heart incline,
She'll be ever dear to me,
Ever be nv Valentine.
Abigail 4. Foster, in Wide Atrdke.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-02-23
LII ~ BACO.

-, lUM BAOo.
eafrjage.-Why % many devias, non =
graceful carriage may b accounted Tor IN -
many ways - there are mixhapen beinea
HU9CULAR WEAKNESa.
Lane Back.-The spinal column d the main
stay Of the body. which stifIens M t.
straight man or woman, and nature ~
provided muscular supports to bold il esecf,
TWISTED OUT OF SHAPE.
Distortions. and women reckle1iy
twist themselves out Of shape, and the Re.
suit - the few standing straight and tn
many bending down.
SYMPTOMS.
PalHS.-Thoee which aflict the hack are The
most insidious OF subtle. They come q
times without warning; We rise from sit-
ting posture to find the back 90 crippled o.
strained - to cause acute suffering.
TREATMENT.
Cure.-Rub the paris af1icted freely With
ST. JACOBS OIL; rub hard and vigorously,
producing warmth. and if the pain Is slow
in yielding. wrap the parts in flannel stepped
In hot water and wruns out
Sold By Dvsaeiss aad Deaies Eb1y,sAes
the CHARLES 4 voeelER CO.. saai~sss. ~.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-02-23

"A Prospect avenue father was
reading aloud from the paper at break
fast the other morning about the
musical prodigy. Josef Hoffman,.
When he had finished he remarked to
his little daughter who was demurely
eating her hash and johnny-cake:
There. Ethel. that boy is . bright boy.
Now. why are you not IS brilliant rs
hep" why. l ought not to Be. I" said
Ethel. Ought not to be! Pray why
not?" asked her father. well. in
the first place" said the little girl
with an air of much seriousness. ''that
by probably had intelligent parents
The father did not pursue the subject
further.-Bn6alo Courier.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-02-23

Nothing can be prettier than to have
. cake iced top and sides and covered
thickiy with cocoanut prepared on .
revolving CRATER. I: resembles fine
curly shavingA No words can con-
vcv to you an idea Of the delicate
beauty Of this design.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-02-23

Don't light sick-room ut night
By means Of > jet Of gas burning low;
nothing impoverishes the ar sooner.
Use sperm candles or sapen which
burA IN sperm oil
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-02-23
70 ThELADlES!

DD00 I'M 0A1DUoAb 00ocA6 0eBK1oDo oDoRAO.
We visA - eau de stssasioa ef syssy married ~
ODeaGue fer WoaaaL We dsslFo ~ eoepssaesa g
svssy aas5isd leAy. osa1 for esr eFea!os e go
tSin0 vajaaSse. NATIONAL 0ED1CAL DlDPHHe.
, 1888-01-03

The fact is, the advantages of poor
health have never been rated at half their
worth. What Il deluge of books has been
poured out to show people how to get and
keep health, n never II one to teach
them how TO lose it. Take, for example,
the case of n physical giant like Daniel
Webster. LIS prodigious health was
simply the ruin of him. Such enormous
dinners he could eat, deluged with such
oceans of wine and brandy, and such an
immense amount of outdoor cunning and
fishing did he nave to resort to to digest
these that threo-fourths of the time his
powerful brain was us torpid as that % II
gorged anaconda.
Ali had Webster only been n lifelong
invalid, like Alexander II. Stephens, of
Georgia, what an intellectual prodigy
America would have seen. lowered with
only digestion enough to keep half alive
on, and only lungs and muscle enough
for moderate, c~ontemplative walks, the
Massachusetts deity woul then have been
driven for refuge to the habitual exercise
of his vast intellectual and imaginative
powers, and so have produced some noble
work that would have enriched the world.
Let him. therefore, serve as u signal
warning to- all big, hulkinC fellows, turn.
ing up their noses mt invalids, and thank
ing their st;Irs that they are good any day
for ten courses and n quart, or gallon, Of
claret, Hook and burgundy.-Boston
Herald
, 1888-01-03

AS is the case with the sex in all trop-
ical countries, Mexican womanhood comes
early. AS the age of 10 the senorita
is very knowing. At Ia she is mature.
At 1G she is ready to take up the duties of
married life. AT 20 she begins to be too
plump. AT 25 she feels the need of art to
assist nature. At 80 she has ceased to be
interesting for her beauty. Too much
flesh, with consequent coarseness, Is the
usual trouble. An a~nti-fat remedy ought
to have a great run in the land of the
cactus.
Maya, of the Portal de Mercaderes, is
the leading photographer of the City of
Mexico. He has an artistic eye as well rs
mechanical skill, and he is an obliging
fellow. When it was explained to him
that n small collection of types of Mexican
beauty was desired, he smiled and said
he would ave TO think about it. "Can
again tomorrow Something like n
week of to-morrows went by before Maya
said "All right" But then he coupled
his acquiescence with n c~ondition-"no
name9.'' The terms were accepted, and
from his large stock of negatives were Sc
lectcd the types of Mexican girlhood and
w~omauhood. They include representatives
of the best families at the Mexican cap
ital. There are senoritas three, from u
to IS; and there are senoras three-two of
them are still in the twenties, dark, flash
ing eyed, full Tipped and already inclining
to the bane of the sex in their country
too much weight. The last is older and
faircr than all the others, and the COM
picNion II features together show n pro
portion of Castilian blood in this case far
above the averagc.-MeXico Cor. Globe
Democrat.
, 1888-01-03
THE POPE'S JUBILEE.
Celebration of the Golden
Jubilee in Rome.
Sixty Thousand People Witness
the Ceremonies.
The Event Observed in Many
Other Cities.
Pontlhcal Mass in Rome.

ROME, Jan. 1.-The pontifical mass to
day was a great success. Thousands of
people thronged st. Peter s square early in
in the morning awaiting the opening Of
the cathedral. Sixty thousand admission
tickets had been issued, and the cathedral
was packed. The pope entered at $50 a.
NJ, followed by the cardinals in process
sion. His holiness was received with a
long continued shout of Long live the
pope" The music of the mass was
deeply impressive and many persons in
the audience were deeply affected. The
pope blessed all present and left the cathe-
dral at IL a. M, the whole audience ex-
pressing its joy by clapping of hands, wa7-
ing of hats and handkerchiefs and enthu-
siastic reclamation. Later in the day
King Humbert expressed himself to a
highly satisfied with the s%moothness Of
the ceremony winch, he said, was the best
proof OF the pope's liberty in Rome.
Forty-eight cardinals and 23S archbis-
hops and bishops were present at mass,
persons in the audience. The pope
chapel, and then received the homage Of
IllG COuIl GdIulliLS III Sdil uuCdHC. w hlIC
assuming the sacredotals vestments the
pope was overcome with emotion and
tainted. Strong salts were administered
and he returned to consciousness. He
then assembled the gestatorial chair and
was borne on the shoulders of the scd
iarri, attended by cardinals into St.
Peters cathedral. Just before he was
fully vested for the altar he again tainted,
remaining unconscious for several min,
utes. Mass occupied twenty-eight min
utes. After pronouncing the bendiction,
the pope again seated himself in the ges-
%tatorial chair and was borne completely
around the altar to capella dc sacramento,
where he offered up a prayer OF thanks
giving. During the ceremony the pope
wore the triple crown presented him by
Emperor William.
Two battalions on the line and Il large
number of carbinieri regulated the move
ments of the crowd at the cathedral and
thousands of policemen. in plain clothes,
were stationed inside the editice. a few
ladies tainted in the crush, but no acct
dent occurred. In the chapel the columns
and pilasters were hung with red damask.
The statue Of st. Peter was clothed in
pontifcial garments, with a tiara on the
head. The orchestra included the famous
ancient silver trumpet. Many members
of the nobility were present. The pope
wore the pastoral ring presented to him
by the Austrian archdukes. His tiara
was covered with a thousand pearls. The
chalice used by his holiness was the
gift Of the king of Portugal, and the
golden plate used in the service was a
present from Queen Victoria.
, 1888-01-03
The Gang Broken Up.

TOPEKA, Jan. "A gang of Lane
county Ku Klux has just been broken up
by the arrest of all but one. James Van
derin. Nelson English and p. S. Gallo
way were brought to this city by the
United States marshal and lodged in the
city jail. They, with five others, are
charged with conspiracy to intimidate
Homesteader Hoover with the view to
forcing him to abandon his claim for the
supposed purpose of one Of their number
jumping it. The other five gave bond
for their appearance to answer the indict-
ment in the United States district court,
and these parties not being able to give
bond, they will be confined in Jail until
the sitting of the next term Of court.
One night several months ago these de-
PENDANTS, who were masked, entered the
house of Hoover, near Dightou, carrying
with them a bucket of tar and some
feathers. They set upon Hoover and
beat and kicked him numerically. An
attempt was made to tar and feather him,
but he fought desperately and the tar was
scattered over the room and furniture.
Mrs. Hoover CAM to her husbands
assistance, and with a heavy wooden chair
felled three of the attacking party. In
the scrimmage the masks were torn off,
disclosing the identity of the parties, who
then retreated. Not long alter this oc-
currence the humble dwelling of Hoover's
was set on fire one night and burned to
the ground, leaving the family homeless
on the prairie. The matter was presented
to District Attorney Perry, who brought
it before the grand jury. Indictments
were returned against the parties and
warrants were issued for their arrest.
, 1888-01-03
A Vessel in DISTRESS.

New York, Jan. During 4 fearful
storm which ragged along the jersey coast
yesterday the steamship Tonawanda, Il
coaster engaged in Southern trade, was
laborinC heavily to the southwark and
eastward of Brigantino beach. Her dis
tress attracted the attention Of the life
saving station at Brigantine beach, and
after a gallant struggle with the waves,
which washed over and over her, burying
the vessel in masses Of sccthing water,
the battered steamship was apparently
disabled at a point about sixteen miles
southwest of Brigantine beach. After
desperate efforts a boat was launched
from the Tonawanda and the mate and
two scamen started sfor the shore in the
irail craft, the first officer being the bearer
Of a telegram. But a terrible sea whIrled
the boat around and capsized her when
near land, and in spite of the efforts OF
the life savers, the mate and one seaman
were drowned. By a miracle the third
man was saved and is now at the station.
The telegram was lost, and the vessel
needs assistance.
The TOnawanda was built in Philadcl-
phia in 1864, is of S45 tons burden and
belongs to the South Brooklyn Saw Mill
, 1888-01-03
TELEGRApEr4j BRBVITIEs.

a sharp shock of earthquake was felt
in the Ciiy Of Mexicol yesterday morn
ing.
The municipal authorities have confer
red .he freedom of tho city of Limerick
upon Sullivan, OK mayor OF Dublin.
The Reading railroad yesterday passed
out of the hands of the receivers and the
officers Of the road have assumed full
control.
In Pickcns county, S. C., negroes
hanged a half-witted young white man, a
farm hand. for crimlnally ~;,ssaulting a
colored girl.
Tue Latonia Jockey club officers deny
the statement published by the ST. Louis
Jockey club that the latter gives more
money thau the Latonia for racing pur-
poses.
Italian papers say that Gladstone will
treat with the vatican for its support in
the efforts being made to obtain autonomy
for Ireland, Mgr. Persico having common
ced negotiations.
A crucible containing $50 pounds OF
molten brass broke yesterday morning in
Cramps foundry. Philadelphia. The
hot metal seriously injured four men aud
slightly hurt two more.
p. L. Her, senior member of the firm
OF ller II Co, proprictors OF the Willow
Spring distiIlcry in Omaha, has bought
stock in the whlskeY trust aud agreed to
remain i'll for five years. Hers distillcry
is the largest in the United States.
, 1888-01-03

assistant general, heads of bureaus of sew
eral departments and the president of the
Columbia institute for Deaf and Dumb.
A notable break in the programme at
this point was the no~n-appearance of the
Associated Soldiers of the war of 1912.
Last year they numbered but six, but to-
day not one made his appearance.
The Grand Army at the Republic, with a
large number of members, and the Oldest
Inhabitants Association of the District of
Columbia, were the last organized bodies
to exchange greetings with the presiden-
tlal party, and'it was h~alf-past II before
the western gate was thrown open and
the general public admitted. Although
people were present in large numbers the
crowd was hardly equal to those of pre-
yious years, presumably for the reason
that most of the citizens have been able to
crafty their desire to meet the president
at his weekly receptions during the fall
and winter. The reception terminated at
2 O'Clock, having passed off successfully
in every particular and without untoward
incident.
, 1888-01-03
Woman in Washington Society.

Washington society has n far higher
ou1 than people not acquainted with it
suppose, and its ladies have other duties
than those performed before the looking
glass. They nave TO keep up with the
times both in politics and literature, and
1t would be objectionable for n noted
woman in Washington society not to know
what is going OF in congress and about
the White House. The most noted char.
meters in the country meet here every
winter, and it requires wide information
of public men n public matters to pre-
vent ones making n fool of himself by
pretending TO know that which he does
not. h knowledge of the French is
more common han it has evcr been be
fore, and French phrases are uttered in
many conversations. The diplomats prefer
TO talk French rather than English, and
some OF them are unable to carry on n
good conversation In the English tongue.
Frank G. Carpenter in New York
World.