The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-06-09
BRIGHT BITS.

WHAT do you know Of interest today, Mr..
Cmnker!" asked Merchant Traveller reporter,
while nosing around for news.
Same as usual, Z per cent. on good security"
was the brusque reply.-Merchdnt Traveller.
WHAT are you doingnow Quimbyg'
am appointed by the city to inspect the
milk sold by the dairymen.'
what do you know about milk? You were
never within a mile of a cow"
Il know that but was a pump dealer for
four years. "-NebraSta State Journal.
THE GovERNoR-A pretty fellow you are to
disgrace me in this way! What on earth
tempted You TO run away, with that girl?
Alfred-Why, leaving out all sentiment, sir,
it washer $4,000 a year
The Governor-Oh-a h-it was pretty rough,
after all, TO have met with so much opposition.
Life.
A wELLREAD MAN of fair ability is said to use
from 5000 to Z 900 words; but when he discovers
that his wife has exchanged his summer vest for
a plaster-of-Paris image of the late Emperor
William he doesn't use more than six or ten, but
he manages on the spur of the moment to hit
upon the warmest words in his vocabulary
NO1IStotCn Herald.
Nor MUCH OF A RECEPTIoN.-An Austin mer-
chant sent his clerk foithe twentieth time TO the
residence of prominent citizen to collect a bill
ibid you get anything?' asked the merchant on
the return of the clerk.
Nothing at all. They told me to come iuto
the reception room as usual but didn't re-
ceive anything. '-TeraS Siftings.
THERE are 10000 snakes preserved in alcohol
in one room at the Smithsonian Institution in
Washington. Kentucky politician wandered
into the room the other day and as soon as he
the reptiles he started back with sort of
I've got Fem again" look, and exclaimed:
Great hickory! And I've only had twenty-sx
drinks to-day, Too. o-NOTT-iStOJvn Herald.
Miss X Ito langud swelD-Do you speak
Languid sw:I to his valet)-Do I speak
German, Henri?
NaleU-IeS, sir.
Languid Swell--Oh yes; had forgotten
Continues conversation in faultless Hanoverian.
-Iid-BitS
CITIZEN Ito physician BUSY these days,
doctor?
Physician-Yes, overwhelmed with cases of
nervous disorder, prostration and that sort of
thing
Citizeu-what is the cause of this nervous
epidemic?
Physician-The awful uncertainty about
Johnny Ward playing ball this season.-Epoch.
LANGUAGE PRoFEssoR-To what do owe the
honor of this call?
Stranger-I understand that you can talk in
forty languages, yet the college pays you only
only 500 week for your services.
That is correcb.n
81 have come, sir, to offer you a position at
$500 a week"
My, myle What do you want me to DOR
TEND bar at my palace saloon in Chicago. ~
Omaha World
a BRUSH StrefU boy WIN piece OF DlacR
cloth on his hat was playing in front of the
house the other day when man stopped and
inquired:
Are you in mourning. bub?"
YES sir"
''Father or nnotherS"
Neither one"
20, it's a brother or sister,"
mo. sir. I've put it to see IL grandpa
won't die and give us a rest. Detroit Free
Press.
CUBLEIGH (at the bar Of the Victoria hotel as
a stranger passes in)-Queeah looking fweak.
What the dayvil is it, bawtendaw?
Observation-Disclosures Lord Grosvenor. He'sstop-
ping here.
Cubleigh (horrifed) -Good Cod Why didn't
you tell me befaw?
Bartender-T'ell you what before?
Cubleigh-That Gwovnaw was putting up
heah. Demmit and me dwinking bwandy, too.
Open me bottle of Baws and give it to me in
the pewtaw.-Toicn Topics