St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1888-10-18
TWO CUT-OFFs AND A JERKER.

Bill Nye's Experience With a Furnace.
Last year / had an experience with
furnace which ought to be embalmed
in song. l only regret that am not a
suitable embalmer that l might attend
to it myself. In my prime of summer
time | engaged coal dealer to deal me
some coal at a low rate. By this means
saved enough on my coal to purchase
a buffalo overcoat to wear while carv-
ing at table during the winter, so ii
was wise move.
We had reddish furnace and tried
to win it's confidence and mold it's ca
reer during the winter. First it had
to be cleaned out thoroughly in the
fall. Previous people had used it ap-
parently as a resort for clinkers. de-
sired to avoid the expense of hiring a
man to clean it out, as it was not what
might be called skilled labor, and so l
did it myself. By this means | saved
$3.50, to which added $3.50 for the
purpose of purchasing a new suit of
clothes to take the place of the one
ruined by getting it full of ashes.
This furnace had two cut offs, a jerk
er, an air fue, eleven hampers and a
tape worm. 1 would go down at night
and fill it full of coal, shut the cold air
f1ue, examine the steam gauge, also the
crown sheet, dump the clinkers and
open the rear damper. | would then
retire. In the middle of the night the
humidity of my room would warn me
that all was not we'll with the furnace.
L then sought to reduce the tempera-
ture and we famed ourselves to sleep.
In the morning the furnace was found
to be extinct. This went on for week
or two. Then 1 asked Tom to look af-
ter the furnace. | told him l would
look after the horses and polish the
crest if he would win the confidence of
| the furnace.
He resigned the second evening and
left me with the barn and the refriger
ator both on my hands. l then secur-
ed the services of a middle aged girl
who said she used to run the Jay Gould
furnace. l told her ours was the same.
Jay and l always bought our furnaces
at the same place.
| She said she used to have two nights
out while she was with the GOulds. /
told her that she would be treated
equally as we'll by us.
Her name was Lorena and she did
very we'll while on duty, but the great
difficulty seemed to be that Lorena and
the furnace both wanted to go out at
the same time.
| l was her alternate with the furnace,
and it made me mad to have Lorena
absent when il was really my night
out.
| l told her that she might run JAY
Gould that way, but she couldn't run
me. l declined to take any care of the
| furnace while she was sleeping it off.
| told Lorena that she had better go
back to Jay Gould's.
She did so.
l then began to steer the furnace
through tempestuOus career. | ex-
cused myself while dukes and titled
people were at the house, in order to
go down and jerk the furnace. l even
tore myself away from a mush and
milk sOciable up stairs in order to go
below and shovel coal upon the never
ending appetite of the great bottomless
pit.
And yet the basement was the only
part of the house that was really warm.
Up stairs | gradually froze, while
tried to seem genial and urbane.
wore a fur Overcoat up stairs while the
potatoes were sprouting in the cellar,
and on the second floor the nurse and
governess were eating pemmican and
waiting for a relief party. Goose flesh
manifested itself on the exterior of
those who sought to dress for a dinner
party in the second story, while in the
attic my employees were eating blubber
and hoping for congressional relief.
This furnace also had a sound magni-
fer to it. Its sound magnifier, as a
matter of fact, worked better than its
other fire did. When l excused my
self to the pastor, seeking at the same
time to convey the idea that L was
leaving for the purpose of some exam
nation, it annoyed my wife very much
to hear a smothered roar, a rattle and
some loud and florid remarks in my
we'll known tones come floating up
through the register.
1t was a good furnace for everything
but heating purposes, and L have often
thought that if they had the same style
in ancient times the Hebrew children
got great deal better press notices
than they deserved.