Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1888-11-29
WIT AND HUMOR.


iness.
A double tenement house is apt to be rent
in twain.
A broken eyeglass may be called woiul
spectacle.
If ship arrives in port second late
they dock it.
A high old time-The ancient clock in a
church steeple.
Waiter, the sugar. waiter-su-
gar the waiter.
The dude is a great stickler for the cor
rect thing in canes.
Some men are never satisfied with their
lot unless it's corner lot.
Bicyclists are allowed the privilege of
pedaling without licence.
Convicts are the only persons who do not
believe in their convictions.
1t seems queer that the "hold" of a ship
is not used to anchor her with.
As rule orchestra leaders are moral he
roes. They all face the music.
Taken as a whole, the Indians, although
iliterate are the best red race in the world.
We have it from a reliable source that it
has been called the pail NOON ever since
the COW kicked over it.
care you engaged to Miss Eclat?" "No,
not exactly. But when l asked for her
hand she gave me the refusal Of it."
A novel has lately been published in rails
ed letters for the use of the blind. 1t is
said it evoked a great deal of feeling.
Mrs. Jones-"Dont trouble to see me to
the door, Mrs. Smith," Mrs. Smith-"No
trouble; quite pleasure, / assure you"
A man has just died in Connecticut who
smoked over 1000 herrings a day. Worse
than the tobacco habit No wonder lie
died
"Where have you been for week back,
Brannigan ?" "Been to the hospital, sorr.
But how did yes know Oi had a weak back,
sorr ?"
"You have heard a cat purr, suppose?"
asked the judge. Yes" replied the major.
"But outside of poetry, You never heard a
Cowper."
Candidates for nomination who are on
the wrong side of the fences are hereby in
formed that they can get in through the
delegates
Rattan furniture is all the style now ior
country houses. 1t has been the style for
country school houses for great many
years past.
A man is rarely found who kicks when
his name is misspelled in the police court
record of a newspaper. This is a notable
exception to the rule
We notice that a waterspout burst in
Kentucky the other day. A waterspout
that would go into business in Kentucky
might expect 10 burst with no assets.
Marc Anthony must have been terribly
down on umpires when be exclaimed 3
judgement, thou art fed obrutish beasts"
Commercial Traveller lwho has just been
refused by a Boston girl Well. good-by.
I'm going 20 Egypt Boston girl lcolderl-
Indeed Why C. T.-Becau-e ! think I
can make more Of an impression on a mum
.-..f. I...f tfr. ... ..r.srr.
Empiric-"Theu ! can count on you for
a testimonial TO my liver regulator % Rich
ly-"I can speak Of 10, doctor, in the high
est terms" Empiric-What evil did IL
cure YOU Of. sir?' Richly-"Poverty Il
laid my late lamented urcle out as stiff a. a
poker. aud I was bis heir"
Teacher Johnny, do YOU remember the
proyerb gave you yesterday" Johnny
"No'm." Speech is silver and what" F"
is it?" 81 dunno, num-" Il know" spoke
up little boy at the foot Of the class.
VERY well, you may recite it," speech
is silver, but money talks"
One day a very pious clerical friend, who
had consumed an hour of his valuble time
in small talk, said to James Harper, the
publisher: Brother Harper, am curious
to know how you four men distribute the
duties of the establishment between you"
"John," said Mr.. Harper good-humoredly,
"attends to the finances. Wesley to the
correspondence. Fletcher to the general
bargaining with authors and Others, aud,
don't you tell anybody" be said. drawing
his chair still closer and lowering the tone
of his voice, Il entertain the bores."
An old French peasant woman, whom
her parish priest found going into the vii
lage church one evening, with wax taper
in each hand, as if to make an Offering, was
asked For whom are those candles, my
daughter" This one, my father, is for st.
Michael, the Prince Of the Angels"
"Good, my daughter; but for whom is the
other?" "The other, my father, is for the
devil" For the devil, my, daughter?"
echoed the Mortified ecclesastic. "To be
sure, my father," answered old Lisette, cool
ly, cts just as well to have friends on both
sides"
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