Iuka reporter. (Iuka, Miss.) 1888-1894, 1888-09-06
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Aswoman who always makes the train
Ihe dressmaker.
II allfthings are we'll that end we'll,
how about the hornetl
No, said the butter ball; .'these are
not hard times with me-. .
Always ''at par::' Ma, when pa stays
but too late at the lodge.
a silent partner is all right when he
doesn't want to have the whole say.
When you lend anybody your fan, you
give them sort of palm leaf to use it.
Some men are good because goodness
pays BEST and then, again, some are good
for nothing.
It is difficult for sailor to make a
tiller Of the soil. He can make it of
wood, though.
Mrs. Bernard Beere, the eminent
actress, is coming to america. but not in
schooner, >as. has been alleged.
1t is lack of ARTISTIC taste and feeling
that prompts an VA man with red
whiskers to wear a t-black wig.
If ones creditors are. adamant, sum-
mer ought to be goSd time to ask ia
vors, for all are in Melting mood
ssYes, sir, I've WALKED where formerly
rode, and I've saved enough money by
the operation to have mySshoes resoled.n
--Neso York Neus.
Mrs. jerks (at dinner)-"W Would YOU
like some Of this oyster plant, Mr.. PRIME"
Prim 'sNo, thank you, Pm strict
vegetarian n--Li1e.
Some one has asked "Where do flies
go in winter2" We don't know, but we
wish they would go there in summer
Baltimore Amricaa.
Blobson Don't you think that
Dempsey rather plays the foola" Popin-
jay-'No, sir; think that he works at
the job. Burlington Free Press
Street Lady--"Will you spend the
summer in Washington Mrs. Hardup ~
Mrs. HI suppose so. It's all I've
got to spend. - Vas angton Critic.
Customer getting his hair CUT
Didn't you MP Oft piece of the ear
thena" Barber (reassuringly)-"Yes,
sir, small piece but not 'nough to af-
feet the hearin', sir. Sytings.
A Lucid Explanation: Teacher Ito
class In this stanza what is meant by
the line. The shades of night were fall
ing fast q" Bright Scholar --"The peo-
pie were pulling down the blinds"
Maude before tire laughing hyena's
cage -" How mean! Hare we've been
twenty minutes and the hyena hasn't
laughed oncew Ella 'Strange, and he's
been cycling your new hat, too" Time.
"Talk of mothers-in-law and sons-in-
law not agreeing" remarked Titmarsh.
''My mother-in-law and / agree. She
says l ought not to have married her
daughter, and | coincide with herr
Mercury.
''This butter is really offensive to the
SMELL" observed the two dollar and-a~
half boarder. "Well, what's that got to
do with itl" remarked the landlady.
Sensible folks eat butter and don't
smell it,"
Bishop ION his semi-annual round)-
'And do you remember me Bobby9"
Bobby-"Oh, yes, sir; you are the gentle
man ma scolded pa about because you
smoked in the parlor and nearly ruined
the curtains. Epoch.
A little girl in Lewiston, Me-, who
was i'll the other evening, called her
mother to her bedside and said piteously:
Mamma, am awful sick; Just swal-
lowed upward" and her mamma sympa-
thized with her --Nco York Ne,os.
Agent" Madam, can't you induce
your husband to take out a life insurance
policy for $40, 900 in your benefit"
Madam" I'll try, but have my doubts
about the benefits. johns got the con-
stitution of an OK. "--Harpel's Bazaar.
There was tramp, graceless scamp,
of cheek he had lot; he stole each
meal, and once did squeal: "a cucum-
Der I've got.'' But in the night he woke
in fright and anguish sad to see; he
roared in pain, then did exclaim: THAT
cucumber's got mel"
She wanted to take lessons in archery,
but was very, very verdent Have you
a bow and quiver9 asked the teacher.
"Ye--ye-yes, she hesitated, " have
beau, but haven't culver any more.
He's been coming for two months now,
and I'm used to it. p Washington Critic.
Down in Marblchead harbor the other
day ssthe fleet lay moored.' A couple of
old fishermen were sculling about and
CHANGED to look up just in time to spell
out the gold letters on the stern of one OF
the yachts "P-s-y-c-h.e! Well, if
that amt the funniest way to spell fish"
- Boston Herald.
ssAt an agricultural meeting the other
day sThe Best way to Keep Girls on the
! arm was discussed, No conclusion
was reached, but we think barb wire
fence six feet high, minus gates, sur
rounding the farm, would solve the prob
lem. A boy takes his life in his hand
when he attempts to crawl over or under
OF through barbed wire fence, and he
doesn't wear hustle, either Norris
,ota Hssuid,