The Washington critic., 1888-04-14

N.s Dut want ~ now.
p; Have patience.
c.; / don't want patience | want
cookie.-IPhiladelphia Call.
SOMETHING NEW.
"Solomon said, there's nothing new
under the sun didn't he pop2'
eyes, my SON"
"Well, he's wrong
"Why? ?"
Because 1 Just .at down on that
ircshlypaintcd stoop' - New YJrl,
Journal
AZ ongnIENr DoY.
Edward hear that you have dts.
obeyed your Grandmother, who told
you Just now not to jump down thesc
steps? %
'Gmndma didn't tell menot to, papa
she only came to the door, and said i
wouldn'tjum down these steps, boys,
and shouldn' think she would--an old
lady like her" London Tit.Bits.
CONTENTS"
Teacher-John, give eme n sentence con.
tanning the word contents.
!. John-The contents ofa COW is milk
l1he Teacher,
THE GENTLE roLE.cAT.
Father Cat the menngerie) )-rhat, my
son, is q pole.cat,
son--Does it come from the North
Pole?
Father--No.
SoIi-South Pole?
EntheI-No.
Son-noes it speak Polish?
Father-What nonsense
+ Soi.-Does play polo?
Fathcr-Come home, child, to your
Notwithstanding.
Shutting u,I OFF
Sundhy-school teacher-Tommy do you
know what the meaning of"Amcn'i Is .
Tommy-Yes'm it's what the people
say when they think it's time for the
minister TO stop.--[New York sun.
wIYsoME wISIFHED.
Little Winifred was visiting at her
aunts, and the children were very much
amused by her funny speeches You
think you are very smart, don't you ?''
one of the boys said, teasingly "Hc3,
think ] am, but ] know better, the truth
ful little girl answered. II Youths Com.
pallion.
THE sELF-sAME STORM.
Nicely has arrived at that age when hc
calls himself a man. During the recent
blizzard, while the family were debating
the possibilities of the coal and provisions
outlasting the promised siege, Nicely re.
marked, in nonchalant way:
well, wasn't there such a storm as this
when ] was n boy?"
Yes said his sister Mary, quickly,
"this is the storm" Harper's Bazaar.
JoHNNY's COMPOSITION.
All the boys in the school but one had
stepped up on the platform and read their
compositions, and every composition was
| briefly descriptive of some beast Of the
| field or forest, beginning with the asser-
| ton that the beast in question was very
useful animal.
Johnny Diggs was the last boy to take
the stand, and everybody wondered what
his composition could be, as the stock oI
"useful animals seemed to have been eX-
hausted by his associates.
johnny was equal To the occasion. His
composition was on the subject OF man
and this was the way II read o., ...
Man Is very useful anymull To his
! self, but the other anymuls don't never
have mutch use fur him.
-rlnKIE's wnARHER HEPoHr. a
Lttle Pinkie wanted 10 go ont topluy
Her ma said. she thought, was. too cold
| butshe might go,out and see. When she
got out in the air the cold,m her eve.
water, upon which she returned aud said
81 dess IL too cold. It makes my eye
sweat. ~ Boston Courier.
THE pRoBaBiLTIEs
Teacher--So you can't do simple sum
in arithmetic? Now, Fetm explain ittJ
you. Suppose eight of you have to ;etlier
forty Ightnpples, thirty.two peaches ana
sixteen melons, what would each one III
yOu get?r .Chulera morbus" replied
t.Johnny, ,s.-9 Rare Bits i,es tt-- lr,
| =. ts, .lIE RATHER LISfD r. '
. The 3-yoar-old was in trouble again ant
mammn planted him in "a chair with q
thud thatastnnished his infantlle ideas O
i inertia. = ua "a
"Now you sit,thcre and don take your
j eyes Off that clock until the big han
i gets TO three. Ill find some way to pun
1 ish YOU .t..,
He sat rs motionless as the business mpI
who doesn't advertise until the minute
hand had covered quarter lap Tier
mamma, with a self-satistied smile wen
TO release the penitent.
i "Say, MAJ sand he. Ecault sit herl
and watch il some more.-1t Philadclphls
Call.
DISTRIBUTING THE SURPLUS.
MA" said Bobby, thoughtfully, I"
wish / had brother or two" "Why
Bobby?n 10 divide up the spanking
It's tough on boy to be the only one II
the family that gets spanked. '-[Epoch
TIE HAPPY MEAN.
| Mother-A do You really feel q
very bad, Bobby?
Bobby-Yes, ma. l amt quite sicl
enough TO need any medicine, but I'm
i little bit too sick TO so TO school. Me-
II York Sun,
SWALLOWED A BUTTON.
Mrs. Leatheredge-PO liddle Petcy'
went On swallered a button, doctah!
Dr, Rhubarb-Well there's nothing Sc
riuus about that,
Mrs Leathcredge yain'2 Sposiu
\ tclfs YO dat dc button wuz 'taChed 4
one oh he's shoes? Den whad yo' say?-
[lid Bits.
4 No ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT.
4 have a little niece who was two year
old November -. One night, n shor
time since, while Hazel was repeating he
evening prayer she was asked by hc
4 mother to ask God 10 make Lac. 9TH
name she answered to- good girl.
mo, indeed, - said the little ono, 'sl.r
La is good'enough. llo@ton Globe.
ss ltEWAs TOO ISpULGENr.
Minister ldiping with the family 3
4 your papa lets You have n second pie,c q
pie sdiurtinios Bobby? I'm ulaid he
| indulptnt .,- W. ,.' '' '
Bobhy--Ycs, SIR ma SAWS he iGdnigc
altogether tpn mhrh. hut 10 'Gan't. tlten
4 sg4-7tNew York. sun.