Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1888-09-19
That Kicker Man Again.

That Kicker Man Again.
The last issue of the Arizona Weekly
Kicker contains the following item:
Advice Gratis-We have word or
two Of advice to those people who are
canvassing the town for subscriptions to
build church. Get your congregation
before you get your building. We've
taken the town directory and gone slap
through it from cover to cover, and we
haven't lighted on the name of one single
individual who has got religion enough
to drive a mule forty rods.
We refused to chip in for q church,
but will contribute $40 to get Lampas
Jake, the revivalist, down here. We
want him to como here and tell the peo-
pie that they are the meanest, wickedest,
low down, shacz-nasty lot of heathens in
America, and that not one Of them stands
any more show Of getting to heaven than
a jack-rabbit does of outrunning chain
lightning. If Jake can knock any of
the dirt off and get down to- the cuticle
and scare thunder out Of enough citizens
to hold a prayer meeting we'll go in for
a church building with whoop.
To the trade.-The Kicker would be
willing to take a column advertisement
from some eastern drug house in ex-
change for 100 pounds of insect powder
and 100 blow guns. There seems to be
a nervousness on the part Of our people
against asking our local druggists for
the stuff, but there would be no hesita-
ton in calling at this Office. AS the
publisher of a family newspaper we
seem to beget confidence. Please leave
your orders at an early date.
Go Hence!-The lop- cared monstros-
| ity who claims to edit the Prairie Star
has been SO jealous of the phenomenal
success Of the Kicker that he hasn't en-
joyed his whiskey for the last three
months. In his last issue he claims that
our circulation does not reach $50, and
that we are carrying sixteen columns of
dead ads. We hereby publish our aft
davit that our circulation is 153 copies
weekly and constantly growing, and as
for dead ads, that's our business. We
have discovered that the people of this
town can extract more comfort out of an
ad. of st. Jacobs Oil, Railways Ready
Relief, Trask's Ointment, or Mrs. Aliens
Hair Resto, er than from two column
sketch by Trollope, and it is our bust
ness to please the masses.
A Reminder.-Our birthday occurs
next Friday-that being our. thirty
fifth-and any little reminder sent in by
the public will be warmly appreciated.
We stand in need of shirts, socks, neck
ties, collars, etc., and it has been sug-
gested that the ladies organize and con-
tribute to a general outfit. Some of our
friends declare that in view of what the
Kicker has done for this locality a purse
of 800 should be presented to. us by the
men. We should be thankful, of course,
and more thankful if it was made $3.50.
An editor should be modest, however,
and we simply, throw out these few sug-
gestions without any thought of being
personal.
P. S.-We wear No. Is collar, and
shirts should be full in the back.
More Wind. -Professor Rose, who hit
the town last spring to get up class in
music, and who has been here on his up
pers ever since, doesn't like our way of
dealing with him. Because we suggest
ed last week that he quit dead beating
and pick up the pick and shovel, he is
around town calling us q fugitive from
justice, and asking why the police don't
do something.
Gently, professor. When we left
Xcnia, Ohio, the sheriff patted us on the
back and lent us half dollar. We are
the only man in this town who doesn't
turn pale when the stage comes in, and
the only one who doesn't break for the
sage brush when the United States mar
shall is here. We amt rich or pretty,
but we are good, and the professor is
barking up the wrong tree. We don't
bear him any i'll will, but the professor
must retract his statements about us or
we will drop line to Pinkerton asking
if Yaller Jim, alias Professor Rose, is
not wanted somewhere. Detroit Free
Press.
Brooks, the prohibition third party
candidate for vice president, when a
young man helped to lynch minister
who preached a sermon in Virginia which
slaveholding fire-eaters did not relish.
This is the reason, undoubtedly, why
cIergymen are supporting him.