Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1888-11-17

INlF 1T oo =, 49, 49, LIZ
Wf back on an array OF
slippery-bottomed chairs at the front
entrance of q livery stable. They had
been arguing about the superior points
of several horses and girls of their ac-
quaintance, when church bell began
to toll for funeral.
"Another man joined the Turf
Club" observed one of the worthless,
affectionately greeted as "Pimples."
"Be my turn an yourn, mebbe, after
hisn," suggested bow-legged associ-
ate in lavender plaid breeches.
"Then you'll squeal like sucking
pig" forecasted another, who was busy
designing landscape effects in tobacco
juice.
"Betcher life," assured "Pimples, >"
with a gleeful grin.
"You fellers oughter rent pew in
church an git pious," advised the
hostler, as he hung up harness.
"Oh, rats!" emphasized the worthy
in lavender.
"Come off. will ye," entreated the
landscape gardener, as he connected
two lakes together by a wide and spa
cious channel.
"Turn on the hose" suggested a
supplementary member of the group,
with ears like the sails on an oyster
lugger.
This symposium of remarks was
meant to betoken dissent from the hos
tiers opinion.
But the hostler was quite undaunted.
"That's what said," quoth he, in a
tone slightly shaded with menace.
"Humph!" retorted "Pimples," con-
temptuously. "W'ats de good O goin'
to church? Preachers don't know
nothin' no more'n nobody else"
wall, they dor defended the
hostier.
"Naw, dey DON'T" exclaimed "Pim-
ples," quite savagely. "Dey jest don't
know nothin'. Wat do they know
about baseball, FIR instance? Dey
can't tell bat from goose-egg. An
ye never see any of 'em at sluggin'
match, or takin' a spin round de track
wild de rest O. de boys"
"That's So" affirmed wizzen-faced
old sinner, as he joined the group.
He had but two teeth visible, and q
shattered fragment of clay pipe
stem chung to them like turret-she1
on the tail of hermit crab.
"Ye can't trust a preacher. neither"
contributed the lavender kid. Zone
of 'em caught me openin' the jackpot
in his synagogue once, wen [ was jest
ready to rake in the stuff He blowed
on me the same as if wasn't no Chris
tian, an my old man had to flash the
dust to git me Off If I had gun"
"I'm no sucker interrupted the
hostler, in a decided tone. II know
all about religion. I used to drive a
hearse and see ministers at every
funeral went to. They can tell you
more'n five minutes than's in the hull
Clipper Almanac You big-mouthed
dudes haven't any sense. You make
me t;red!" And the quite disgruntled
hostler began to work the pump handle
with excessive vigor.
"You gentl'm'n hasn't seen as much
as have" piped in the man with the
dental ruins. Il got religion oncet way
back in the forties. These minister
fellers II tell We all about hell and
lot of other furrin' places, an make We
as skittish as spring colt. A man
can't live only just oncet, and if he
don't put in full time he's burned
fool. That's all have to say"
can you're right, too, guv'nor," as
scented the landscape artist, as he put
the finishing touches on model of
crevasse in a Louisiana levee. Talk
about hell! I've seen more hell in one
night than any minister has in life
time"
"Beecher said there amt no hell no
more" commented one of the gang.
We'll, he was right, too. A teller d
ought ter have another chance wen he
curls up his toes" remarked "Pim-
pies"
"Damme eff he hadn't oughter."
"Bob Ingersoll's too big for We,
though" discoursed the learned pos
SCISSOR of the picturesque incisors.
wat he don't know about hell amt
worth KNOWN. No danger for us poor
devils when big bugs like him amt
skeered. Beecher was all solid,
though" he fastened to add, as
though to show his moral sympathy
with the late divine. mark my words,
boys! The fellers wat go in an en-
Joy themselves amt goin' to miss their
slice of the heavenly pie. You Jest
wait an see."
Reckon we'll hafter," soliloquized
the individual with the parabolic legs.
Il say, gents, "interposed ''Pimples,
"dere's truck full O beer unloadin' at
de corner. Let's step over and loosen"
"Yaas; we oughter spring once after
all this yawpin'" observed Lavender
And it was this cheering suggestion
that terminated the exchange of relig-
ious opinions for the time being.
A Muskrat on His Mettle.
A number OF years ago, while I was