The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1888-02-18
ODD EXPRESSIONS.
An Amusing Collection OF Verbal Bulls and
Blunders.

An Amusing COIeCttOn OF NerDHi buhs hHu
Blunders.
Curious ways of expressing ideas in
English may be expected from foreign
ers, as. for instance, when the French
man, who paid call in this country
and was about to be introduced to n
family, said: "Ah, ze ladies! Zen |
would before, II you please, wish to pur-
| ify mine hands and to sweep mine
hair!'
But the various nationalities Of the
British isles are sometimes not whit
behind in verbal bulls and blunders and
in what may generally be described rs
odd ways of putting things. 1t is said
that when Constable's aunt was dying
the good, deaf old lady said: "Anne,
If should be spared to be taken away.
hope my nephew will get the doctor
to open my head and see if any thing
can be done for my hearing"
A Scotch publican was complaining
of his servant-maid that she could never
| be found when required: "Shc'll gang
oot o. the house." said he, twenty
times for once she'll come in"
A Welsh landlord who for some time
had been annoyed by an obstreperous
guest. walked across the room to him
and striking the table with his fist.
shouted very volubly: you haf kick
up row all day ere tonight! We was
not interfere with you, do we? Efery
man here mind his own piziness; yes,
by Jink, no."
The beggar was verbally mixed who
thus accosted passcsr-bv: "Sir, would
you please give me n little money to
buy bit of bread, for I'm so drcadfully
thirsty that don't know where l am to
get nights lodgingp"
The same may be said of a country
yokel who went to the menageric to
examine the wild beasts. Several gen
tleman expressed the opinion that the
orange-outang was lower order of the
human species. Hodge did not like
this idea, and striding up to the gentle
man expressed his contempt for it in
these words: pooh! he's no more of
the human species than | be-"
"Mamma, is that spoiled child?"
asked a little boy on seeing negro
baby for the first time.
An amusing announcement was issued
by corn-cutter from Leige: "rhey
extarct the corns vidout the litest pain.
Cut males, deformcd witch spreds in the
tleisch-by new methode vidout pain.
They spokes French, Anglish, Italien,
Spanitcl, Portogcese. Dutch and Gar
man vid equal fluency and rites DEM y
Over bridge in Georgia is the fol-
lowing: "Any person driving over this
bridge in II pace faster than walk
shall, if u white man. be fined five dol
lars, and if a negro receive twenty-five
lashes, half the penalty to be bestowed
on the informer"
In small town near Avignon the
houses in the suburbs became flooded
up to the level of the first floor, An
enterprising resident distributed among
his neighbors the following card: M
Brochet. professor of swimming, is
prepared to give lessons at the pupil $
residence" The professor may be
said to have taken fortune Mt the flood,
, A shop exhibits Il card warning
every body against unscrupulous per-
, sons "who infringe our title to deceive
the public" We are afraid the shop
man does not say quite what he means
any more than the proprietor of an eat
ing-house near the docks, on the door
of which may be read the following
announcement, conveying fearful in
telligence to the gallant tars who fire.
, quent this port: Sailors vitals cooked
here"
A clearinghouse keeper announces
in one of the newspapers that he has u
cottage to let containing eight rooms
and an acre of land. A dealerin cheap
shoes was equally ambiguous when he
counseled in one of his advertisements:
"Ladies wishing these cheap shoes will
do well to call soon, rs they will not
asst long" The same may be said of
the following: "This hotel will be kept
: by the widow of the former landlord,
who died last summer on q new and
improved plan"
A Scottish blacksmith being asked
the meaning of metaphysics, replied:
"When the party wha listens disna ken
what the party wha speaks disna ker
what he means himself meta
, pheesics.
, Perhaps as odd way of putting
things as any of the foregoing exam
, pies was furnished by q little Farisiar
mendicant, who. following a gentle
+ man. said: Monsieur, give me JUS
penny; Pm an orphan by birth. '
The definition was worth ten centime!
, to her.-Londom Spectator.
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