The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-01-28
THE MIcRopHoNE INDICATOR,
Peck's Sun.

Peck's Sun.
 It is said that Draw baugh, the rival of Bell in the telephone business, has invented microphone that will indi- cate the approach of armies when ten miles away. There does not seem to be much demand for such an instru- meht, because there are no armies going to approach, and if there was hostile army around anywhere, the United States army would not go to sleep and depend entirely on a micro. phone to wake them up. There would be suspicion that the enemy might monkey with the microphone, and catch our army with his panta- looms under his pillow, and his shirt in the wash. However, that does not argue that the microphone is not liable to be useful. It is not beyond the range of possibilities that the mi- crophone may be improved, and got down to fine thing, so 1t will work, say, on tramps. If the farmer could have microphone that would record the approach of the tramp, an attach. ment could be arranged so as to un- chain the dog, who would have time to stretch himself, kick off n flea or two, eat light luncheon to stay his stomach until he could dine more sumptuously on the tramp. A micro phone would be worth two in the bush to farmers. Again, one might be arranged in an office to give alarm in case of the approach of a bill collector, so that the business man could go out for walk. There is nothing that is much more wearing on the brain tis- sues, or which destroys the gray mat ter of the brain more, than the iis- tening to a step on the stairs and trying to discern whether it is bill collector or man coming in to pay bill. Many business men have made tine most dreadful mistakes in hiding themselves on the approach of what they supposed was bill collector, and finding out, when everlastingly too late, that the caller was debtor who wanted ts pay bill. There is great field for the microphone in the business office. If the microphone can indicate the approach of an army, why may it not record the coming of the book agent, or the insurance can vasser2 With such little instrument beside the desk. of the business man, where he could look at the dial, when the bell rung, and see the words, "book agent" long before the iiend approached near enough to shoot, the business man could prepare himself for the worst. If the machine could also indicate whether the book agent was male or female, it would fill want long felt, as the victim could know whether to arm himself with re- volver, in case of male book agent, or prepare some honied words that do not kill but only maim, in case of the female book agent. The microphone might be further improved by having a dynamite bomb attached 80 that the business man might be warned of the approach of the fellow who wants to let him in on the ground floor in an iron mine. The business man could, in this case, retreat to an inner sanc- tum when the bell rang, and when the mining shark came in, the microphone could discharge the deadly bomb, and at the same time signal the police sta ton to send the patrol wagon, with police, to scrape up the remains of the fiend in market basket, and when the business man returned all would be over, and the microphone on the watch for the fellow who wants to borrow ten dollars till Saturday night. The microphone might be arranged with a photograph attachment, so that when the "chestnut retailer" comes in to tell the old, old story that you have heard a hundred times, still, small voice shall be heard in the land, saying, "Oh, come of, and give us rest" There is practically no limit to the good that may come of the microphone, but there is no use of setting one up to herald the approach of an invading army, because even microphone would get rusty and for get the combination if it had to wait for the approach of an enemy to this country, which has no enemy on the earth. The microphone can do better at matching eggs.