The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1888-02-22
BURDETTE'S HUM0R.
Witty Paragraphs That Will Hsks you Msr-
~ and Laugh.
Out of Seas0n-The Maternal Instinct
The Fancies and Musings OF
q Humorist Fun
ny Nuggets.
Written for THE SENTINEL.
copyrighted, 1851

HOW PEOPLE BUILD HOUSES.
1 used TO know q msu who had "study"
in his house. L often heard him speak of
it, in q natural, easy way, as minister or
professor would speak. He was not min
lister or a professor. He owned line of
drays and did nearly all the trucking IN
the town. He was school director for
one term. felt a little curiosity TO see
his study, and one evening l dropped in
TO ses him. His wife said he was in his
study, but she would call him. He re-
ceived me and said, Come into the study,
and we can light our cigars" L went.
The study was small dark room under
the staircase. 1t had one halt window,
and must have been dark about ten hours
of the daytime. There we're two or three
chairs in It. a long box, covered with chintz
that was swfully suggestive OF abandoned
shoes, aud q scroll saw. That was all.
asked him If he sawed, and he said no. He
had this study put in, he said, when he
was actively interested IN popular educa-
ton. The thought that school director
ever felt the slightest interest in educa-
tion4l matters amused me very much, bat
did not say so.
called not lorg sgo on a friend in the
city. He is q wealthy man. 50 l am proud
TO call him my friend. | hare FORGOTTEN
what l called on him for; to borrow money,
probably, The servant said he was in the
library and would see me there. The
library was very handsomely furnished
chairs and sofa, and @ sewing machine
and one thing and another. There were
no books nor any tIumpsry Of that sort
around. My friend said they Uttered
room up so and his wife didn't like it, so
he always read his papers in the dining
room. blushed and felt that had ex-
posed ny rsWness, for l WIS such an I'M.
sophisticated child of nature 1 always
somehow associated library with books.
A family OF my acquaintance has room
that is profound my stery to nae. It opens
OF the psrlor and f3 furnished in blue.
They call it the mushroom. OF all the
people / know, that family knows the least
music and most cordially hates what il
does know. There isn't q musical instru.
ment in the house, and they once dis
charged groom because he played the
mouth organ. But they are prouder of
their MUSHROOM than OF ali the rest of
their house.
And, then, know one of the sweetest,
most gracious women in the world, who
always speaks OF her drawing room"
have been In il. 1t is not quite 80 light as
acasemate. but, then, it is wider than
some halls You have to stand up in it,
because II you sit down there is no room
for your knees.
A friend not long ago took me ont TO see
his new stables" There was only one of
it, but he called it stables" 1t we're yerv
complete, They was of brick, and had
grain chutes to every stall, water ap-
paraius for hosting hay, two great stalls
for the coach horses and a loose box for
The pony and q saddle horse [ asked
where bis horses we're. He said it didn't
pay to keep horses, it was more convenient
and cheaper to hire them, and he and his
wife were so MORALLY afraid OF horses any,
how they seldom drove. Still, he always
wanted good stable, although he never
expected TO keep horse.
MS MoTHER-IN LAW IEsLs ABsUT IT.
I'D not know where he had been "spend.
ing the evening" as he calls il, my dear.
but know that the evening had waned in
TO o'clock in the morning when 1 heard
him fall over the rocking-chair | left in
the hail for him, and if it should please
Heaven to send me grandchildren. hum
bly, trust they may all be born deaf-no,
don't say oh, ma"-rather than have
them eyer hear the language that man
nsed, coupled with the name of your own
mother. he left the hall door wide open,
and In the white moonlight watched him
stand on his hat to reach the shadow OF
the heure on the transom, bIackIy out
lined On the white wall, upon which he
veinly endeavored to hang his ovsrcost.
AFTER several failures he laid the coat care
July on The floor, and after fumbliug IN
every pocket OF his clothes he found |
some matches, and then held up one
fooc and scratched them against the wall, |
under the impression, IhaVe no doubt that |
he was TubbiDg them on the sole OF his |
root. lie tried with match after match, to |
light one OF the brass pegs in the hatrsck, |
making the most shocking aud absurd |
comments at every failure, I could bear
1t 20 longer. / cried out: Henry, if you /
will cease dis6guring the wall and the hat.
Iack, and come here, will find a light for
ma h. a a.
1diotic way to the hall door, bowed, and |
after staring out at the moonlight in a
dszsd way, said, ooh, yez! yez Ii see; got
paIlor all lighted up, ain you? Whaz go.
In OBJ S'prise pariy?n Then I went
down stairs and led him up to bed. No
my dear, am not going to scold him. No;
when be comes down stairs am not going
say anything to him. 1 shall merely look
at him. 7, S.-She looked at him.
ADVICE TO A YOUNG MAN.
My son, there are Just two things in this
world that don't know about and you
6 6svs Just asked me about one of them.
DON'T know why there is trouble and sor-
row and toll and poverty and sickness and
aeeth In this beautiful world. I used to
Know when was much younger, but iod
tnat as grow older don't know a great |
deal more than | used to know. l don't
knoW why the best people seem to have all |
the suffering and the great sinners have all
the fun. l don't know why Innocent men
suffer for the wickedness of guilty men.
oont know why the man who cast the
faulty columns in Pemberton Mills wasn't
crushed when the mills went down.
can't see why my NECK should be broken
IN railway accident because a train dis.
palcher sends out wrong order or signal
man gees to sleep. l don't see why nv
neignoor should be cursed with i'll |
Meath and suffering just because his
grandfather was a rollicking, hard-drink-
ing OLD prohigate- caa't see Why should
nave neuralgia just when 1 want to feel at
my best. can't understand why Gar
neld died and Sullivan lives. I don't
know why some people starve while worse
people founder. Well, you say, wouldn't
II plessanter - al these crooked things
" e slaughtered out? Yes, oh yes And |
" udn't run things little better il
d the running Of them? Ye-e-hold on |
2 2 lnute-ye-I don't know, really, that
ant to try. There are several things to
G sider, when you sit down to run the
verse. True, IL / managed things. I |
uO14o make several improvements at
once. | would never again have the neu.
ralgls, for one thing; my boots would not |
'un over at the heels like an itaJfc Il: NV |
pantaioonG would not work up, nor bag
. the knees, and my collars would not
snmD the back OF my neck, and my mus
latcne Woulen't keep waxed at one end like