The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1888-11-29
WIT AND HUMOR.

There's many slip 'twixt the cup and
the lip, which may account for the ex-
IRENE popularity of the straw.--Puck.
The sidewalks in Salt Lake City are
twenty feet wide, SO that a Mormon
can go walking with his wife at his
side.-Puck.
Old lady Gin shoe store)-Have you
felt slippers? Small boy clerk
(solemnl- Yes, ma'am, many a time.
-Terre Raute Express.
Old-timer-Saw you with your lady
last evening. Young sprout-4es; my
cousin, you know. Oid-timer-O,
certainly, know; she was mine once.
-Tot0n Topics.
Husband Ito wife with pet dog =
You should have married Fido instead
of me. Wife (regretfully)-But poor
Fido hadn't any money. don'tyou know.
Washington Post.
Mistress-Bridget, | wish you
wouldn' 60 out this afternoon; l am
not feeling well. Bridget-Faith, but
that's a quare rayson! I'm we'll enough
meself, amt I?-Lye.
Shook (yellow bearded)-I say, old
fellow, I'm going to have my beard
dyed to match my new brown suit.
Jook-Dye it green, why don't you, to
match your head?-The Idea.
Elsie-s.Bob, wish you would tell
me how a handkerchief filtration is
worked" Bob-'Easy and simple
enough, sister-with two fools and two
handkerchief. "-Toaom Topics.
Judge-Prisoner, the evidence shows
that you brutally assaulted the plain
tiff Have you anything to offer in
extenuation? Prisoner-No, sir; my
lawyer took all the money | had
| Time.
1t is said that counterfeit American
| bills are circulating in Canada. We
didn't know about the Bill, but the
American Dicks, Toms, and Harrys
circulating there are not counterfeit
| Washington Post.
There are two kinds of successful
actresses nowadays-thosew who depend
simply on their costumes to win them
fame and shekels, and those who de-
pend simply on the lack of them
| SOmerUiLLe Journal.
Phe Empress of Japan has certain
| days of the week upon which japanese
| is forbidden language. But they are
not the days on which she wants to
speak her mind freely to the old man.
= Washington Post.
Burton Paperwate must be getting
| up in the world. Did you notice how
politely his tailor bowed to him? Boil
ton-Humph! The poor fellow knows
| he's got to he civil, if he ever expects
| to collect a cent.--LDe.
Sharp-"What is the strongest day
of the week, Ketchum?' Ketchum
| (who is not on the eve of bankruptcy
Friday, l suppose Sharp-"No.
Sunday; all the others are week days.
| p"-Detr0it Free Press.
George-You look glum. Is your
lady-love fickle?" Augustus-N-o; but
her fatheris unkind. 1 called last night
and he showed me "Eh? He
showed you the door?" mo; he1
millinery bills. "-PhiLalelphia Record.
Mr. Bump has been calling for near.
ly two hours. They are talking music
languidly. The young lady Suddenly
Frightening up go, l like French
opera; it has such go to it! | like
anything that has go!' He goes
Life.
Old Jenkins happened to meet hi:
| three nieces, and asked them to have q
| little refreshment. Girls are Just the
| same" said the old man as he stood al
| the cashiers desk and picked up 81 81
out Of $50 bill, little change. y
Life.
Gimme some American champagne
My tastes are domestic every time, :
| said Arrowsmith. Il noticed that
retorted Mr.. Bumfnger. "When you
were at my house you spent your time
| flirting with the domestics. "-NeaO York
| Sun.
Clothier-"Yes, we want a few
| women to sew in the pants department
Have you ever had any experience in
basting pants?" Applicant-''Well,
[ should remark. l taught in primary
| school for four years. "-Terre Hattte
| Express.
Mistress-Well, | can give you a
| recommendation as to honesty, but !
can't speak of you as good worker
Girl (about departing)-Shure, Oh
| doan' want you t spake of me as a
| good worker. It isn't work Dim after
at all. It's noice, respectable phlace.
Time.
Tenderfoot-Are there many ad-
| mlrers of music in your town? Dakota
citizen-Pardner, we not only admire
music here, but we respect it. There
haze been five organ grinders lynched
in our city since last spring. -1erre
Haute Express.
Bobby's father complains ut dinner
of feeling tired and worn out. "Now,
pa, suggested Bobby, Il don't feel like
| myself; spose you give up going
| back to business this afternoon and
| take me to Il matinee, and that'll rest
us both. "-Epoch.
I'm sorry You are so busy now, said
Bjones, because | wanted to take YOU
| to see my latest charmer. But another
time will do, so just tell me when you
| Will be your own master" Never"
| sighed Cobbwigger. I'm married
now. n-NeU York Sun.
Mrs. Blinks-"John, | believe YOU
have forgotten to water the horse to-
| day. Remember, John, mercifUl man
is merciful to his beast" Mr.. Blinks
(repentanD-"You are right. | did
forget 1T. Carry a bucket out to him,
won't you, my dear?n Philadelphia
Record.
Darling he said, your eyes are
as bright as diamonds, your teeth are
as white as pearls, your lips as red as
rubies. and-and-n Yes, George
she replied sweetly, land you are as
green as an emerald" Then George
went out into the jet black night
Jetoclers' Weekly.
Mrs. Hendricks-T read an account
in the morning paper of such a sad DC
curence. An eagle snatched a baby
from its nurses arms and carried it off.
Mr.. Oidboy (who is not fond of babies)
1t might have been sadder What if