Connecticut western news., 1888-02-22
HUMOROUS.

A hotel call-boy never takes a1lront when the clerk yclls "Frontp'
 The English language sounds odd to foreigner, as when one says, 'I will come by-and-by to buy bicycle"
 The man who makes your knuckles snap
 And says, "rm glad to meet you,"
 Is very frequently a chap
 Who'll readily forget you. X
 Did you ever sec a doctor kick a banana peel off the sidewalk, or tell an acquaintance that he was sitting in draught?
 New Jersey swain Calling on his girD-What makes the house shake 90, darling9 Girl-Its pop, up stairs. He's got the fever n ague agin.
 In play recently produced in Paris there were twenty horses on the stage. Itis not likely that tho performances came to m end without hitch.
 A laundry which stands in the shadow of an east-side church, Buffalo, beara the appropriate legend on its sign board: "Clcanliness is next to Godliness.
 "Ycs," he said, 'T began life as . farmers boy, and to-day am worth millions" ''ro what do you attribute your succesa' gro getting away from the farm as soon as could"
 A book agent tried to sell Pittsburg woman volume entitled "The Art of Speech yesterday, but she cast such whitening look upon him that tho wretch sluuk away in shame.
 A sportsman is man who spends all day away from his bushes, $2 for pow der and shot, and comes home at night tired, hungry and ugly, dragging fourteen cent rabbit by the ears.'
 There IS general feeling of content ment among tho Chinese laundrymen over the trade of 1887. Some of them have saved up $75 and are going back to China to live in ease and luxury all their lifc.
 We know of no picture moro keenly portragant of human anguish and the awful consciousness of imminent disaster than that of digniied man with his mouth full of baked beans trying to re- press sneeze.
 A-scientist says: ''If tho land wero nattened out the sea would be two miles deep all over the world" If any man is caught fattenlng out the land shoot him on tho spot A great many of Us can't swim.
 Timid Young Suitor (who has won consent of papa): And now may l ask you, sir, whether-ah- whether your daughter has any domestic accomplish' mcnts? Papa (sarcastically): Yes, sir she sometimes knits her brows.
 ':It is pretty blue up at tho house." said Mir. Twinsy, mournfully; "Tve got cold, my wife's got cold, baby's got the measles, and my eldest daught r's got piano. Which is the wa est park to sleep in2"
 Omaha mother. .''Where is MT. Nice. fellow2" Lovely daughter (sitting g alone) ---"Gone home" 'Home2 It's only o'clock" "Yes-~-he asked me to--to marry him, and--and I said mo, and-- and he went right off, boo ! hoo hoo"
 "How is this, my son, you writc and sell me that you're up and dressed every morning in timo to sec tho sun rise, while the president informs mo that you lie in bed till 9 o'clock and after2' "Well, you see, father, the sun rises till nocn out hcrc."
 Charming young hostess: "Why, Major, you arc not going so soonW Major (who brides himself on being ono of those fine old d-school fellows who can say a neat thing without knowing iD: ''Soon? Madame, it may seem soon to you; but it seems to mo havc been here lifetime"
 I saw you looking on at tho tobog. gau slide in the baseball park on tho west side yesterday" said Brown to the Chinaman who had just brought in his laundry. 'What do you think of to-. bogganiny, John7' ''W-h-i-s-h! Walkec backce milcer' said the China man.
 It's tue strangcst thing, nethinks,
 That maiden crimps and prinks Till she wins her beau-idcal of the leds
 And then doesn't care snap If he sees her in q wrap And . worp-out pair of sliprcrs If hsr dad' !