Connecticut western news., 1888-07-04
HUMOROUS

AOWVANVO0N
 The latest out-Ths boy kopt after school.
 The anatomy of melancholy is boiled old hen.
 Tho proper caper-Sauce for boiled mutton.
 An office that socks the man Is the police office.
 Half the pepper sold by New York grocers is ps.
 The silent watches of the night are not Waterbury,.
 When barge meets barge then comes the tug of commerce.
 Mournful numbers-A balance on the wrong side of tho sheet.
 Monody on toper's nosc--It looked upon tho wine till it was red.
 The riac, though not sociable in its habits, rarely goes off by itself.
 When the captain wants to stop the vessel, does he hoist stay sail.
 Even truth itself is not always vora- cious. It lies at tho bottom of a we'll
 A geologist's request to his best girl: ''Drink to mo only with thine gneisA"
 Time waits for no man because some men are so long in coming to time, we suppose.
 There are two things that woman will always jump at--a conclusion and mouse.
 When is lamp in window like . tombstone7 When it is set for . late husband.
 Scientists say that tho potato rot comes once in ten years-overy decayed as it were. T
 A young bachelor is m odd fellow, and some woman is always trying to get even with him. VI
 'tIs life worth liviugf" has becomos society question. We answer; It de- pends on the liver.
 conc good turn deserves another" was never spoken of the paper collar st this time of the year.
 It was New York tramp who was awakened by policeman's club, that remarked, Il was rapped in slumbcr."
 It is no now thing for popular man to be bangueted at hotol yet some people would call it a modern inn ova. tion.
 When tho spider described tho beau ties of his parlor to the fly ho forgot to state that it was furnished on the in- stallment plan.
 Brown.-- That is handsom, umbrella you've got, Robinson. Was it a birth day present. Robinson Yes, one I gave to my wife.
 Policeman: Hello, what's this9 One of the crowd: Case of prostration. Po- liceman: What from2 Heat2 Crowd: No: banana peel.
 A patriotic old New Yorker says that if it wasn't for its dog days and cat nights, New York in-summer would be an ideal place of residence.
 A musician recently submitted song to publisher, entitled ''Why do live9' After reading a small portion of it, tho publisher wrote the composer as follows: "Bocauso you sent 1t by messenger boy"
 At the circus recently the leopard be- gan teasing tho elephant. The elephant bore it in majestic silence until the thing ceased to be amusing. Then he growlcd, "Hush, child, or I'll knock the spots off youl"
 Theodwinkle Brown sent dollar to learn how an advertiser could 'tguar- antee a man to make $1200 year with out york;" and was told to put cut s120O at ten per cent He thinks now that an advertiser of 'How to Get Rich'' has sure thing.
 Correct diagnosis. Doctor Qoeling patients pulse)-Whatis is your husbands business2 Patients wifc-He is pro. tographcr. D.-Has he been working hard of late2 P. WI don't know, doctor. He took tho portraits of four babies, yesterday. D. .--H'ml Brain fever.
 Fixing tho Blame-Judge-''You say that your father died from . sudden shock to his system. Was he an elcc- trician2' Prisoner-''No. He fell from scaffold." Judge-'Oh, . brick-.ayer: was hef Was it his own f.,,lfs. peisounr- CT fhankz ak - d.