St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-12-29
BURDETTE'S HUM0R.
ExoRc1sM EGGsrRAoRD1NARY.

just laid an egg. Earle Green-Only
an egg? You'd think from the row she
makes that she'd laid ghost.
PIRATES, WHEREVER THEY ARE.
Pepsin, who is a poor sailor, is dis
mayed to see signs of rough weather in
the combing waves. ''Oh, shoot the
white caps!" he eXclaims. That's
just what Gov. Foraker says" says his
uncle. "Why, has he been to sea?''
NO." replied his uncle, ''he hasn't
been to see, but he's heard tell of EN-.
TIE UP YOUR DOG.
Every two or three days people read
of daring robbery, and the account
hounds will be used to trail the rob
bers." And it may be confidently
asserted that the bloodhound hasn't
caught a robber in the past 100000
years. Bloodhounds have caught run
away slaves, escaping prisoners, UNI
armed, half starved. weak, naked, but
when it comes to trailing a train robber,
bristling with winchester" and Navy
sixes,'' the bloodhound develops an in
telligent sagacity that is fairly human.
TOO NEAR HOME.
"These eylctionS are terrible affairs"
said Goodheart, looking up from his
paper; family after family turned out
of house and home by a powerful and
wealthy corporation, assisted by officers
of the law" "They are terrible"
shouted Boycott, the patriot, land Pm
going to Ireland myself on the next
steamer that" ''Oh. yes" said Good
heart, '.but was not speaking of evic..
tons in Ireland. These are in Iowa."
"Oh, we'll" said Boycott, Il don't
know anything about them. I'm not in
tereSted in home miss ions"
THE WAY lie TALKS.
s'Did you call on Gen. Harrison, Mr..
Seeker?" Il did," "Have any CONVEX
sation with him?" 81 did," And what
did the president-elect say?" He said
Good morning." didn't he say any
thing more?' ''He did," 'What?'
Goodbye"
A RAINBOW TEAM.
''Well, by the ght st of Mambrino,"
exclaimed Young Hyson, that's some
thing l never expected to see outside OF
a dime museum, and yet it is mentioned
here as matter of COURSE" What Is
itg' asked the old gentleman. "Why,
horse dealer advertiSeS for sale white
mare, a bay gelding and a green PAGER.
Jameses River, what stunning tandem
that would make!'
TOO MUCH FOR THE WHISTLE.
How often an ambitious man pays TOO
dearly for the prize he so earnestly
covets. A man has just been fined $500
for attempting to steal an s. dog. Ana
what's worse, he didn't get the dog,
either. Oh, let us lay our hands on our
hearts and say that as for us, we had
rather not have all the dogs that ever
bayed the moon than miss going to the
circus.
HE'S NO SPHINX.
My son, grieve to hear you say that
Harrison is the Sphinx,
who keeps his own counsel, and dlVulgeS
no secrets.
Now, / wish to say, and don't care
how much / may shock mankind by
saying it, that l am Skeptlcal on the
subject of the Sphinx. am opposed to
any sensible man or woman
[derisiye laughter and cries OF "oh!
ohr'l with that much Oyer-rated and
sadly noseless creation. | do not De
lieye that the Sphinx ever had secret.
do not believe that he, she or it ever
had sense enough to originate cOnun-
drum. / do not believe that a Sphinx,
in any age or crime, eyer knew. does
know or will know anything. believe
that the man, woman, or thing, who or
which knows anything, is always glad
to bless and enlighten mankind by tell
ing it. And when man never tells
ANYTHING, you can bet your SEES
terces that he doesn't know any
thing. | know the Sphinx. l
know the man who builds up a repu-
tation for wisdom by simply looking
wise and saving nothing. He spells his
name Sphinx, but we pronounce 1t ass.
If | remember correctly all | learned at
hope do nOt-the Sphinx
never told anything. and either tore
herself to pieces or ate itself up. for
get which he did-when somebody
found out how little she did know. My
son, be not led away by the Sphinx.
is not necessarily wisdom. No
wise man was ever yet able to look so
wise as the ass, and If
the ass could but learn the golden art of
silence, what an oracle he would be.
DOWN IN Los ANGELES COUNTY.
One of the sacred books of the Hin
docs saws: "When Vishnu was about
to create the world, he produced lotus
flower. 1000 miles long. Oh, no! with
a rising accent on the "ho.") Then, ac-
coraing to the Hindoos the world was
created In California, in the Year 1S49.
We thought (heavy accent on the
thoughD there was a familiar flavor to
the size of that lOtos blossom.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH GEORGE?
..lt YOU were under OATH" said
Herself. show would you an
swer my question: Do men ever Cos
sip?'' "Well, yes" answered George
Himself, Ito tell the truth they do"
'And what do they gossip about" de-
handed Amanda. Well" replied
George, casually about the gossipping
habits of women"
IMPORT THE BREED.
Here, Who was it that said that the
was worthless pest, a need
less infliction, and worse than useless
torment, of no account or use i'll the
Bring him out that we MAY
hang him. Prof. Chickerlng says the
in Alaska kill dogs. Breth-
rem. if there is patch OF land on this
continent that deserves to be admitted
at once into the Union as q state, Alaska
is the place. Bring her in. that her
may feel more at home.
TIME Is MONEY.
ssEow much does it cost you to get
Busyman?" about SIS
H..
are crazy. My barber shaves me every
day for Is cents a weekp 80 does
mine. but lose 1928 worth OF time
waiting for my turn"
SLOWER THAN CHRISTMAS.
Yes, my son, yes; Philadelphia is
slow old town-a slow, pOky, checker
board Quaker town. 1t is, as you say,
am oyergrown country village. One of
the villagers has just given 81, 500. 900 for
the establishment of free school of
trades, wherein the ilstruc
ton. boarding and lodging are to be
free. The villager has done all this
very quietly. while New York is loudly
declaring what monument she would
build to the memory of Grant if some
body else would furnish the money.
Oh, yes! Philadelphia is slow town.
There is no life in it. Once in while
like Isaiah Williamson gets off
a Joke of the Industrial school pattern
l.. -