The Warner sun. (Warner, Brown Co., Dakota [S.D.]) 1885-1???, 1888-03-30
Il Is No Fnn u pe q Czar.


age American boy to the fact that he
is not a Car, 1t would BE the late
story of Mr. Strakoseh to the effect
that his imperial Majesty once, when
Czarowits, played Frencll obligato
to the song given by Nine. Nilsson;
and that years after, when he had be-
come full-groWn Gar, the orchestra
affected him TO tears, for it brought
back the memory of that blessed time
when he did not have 10 put on a Sheet
iron oyercoat to so out and get the
morning paper.
Happier, indeed, was this great man,
with his French horn and his portfolio,
as Czarowitz living from hand to
mouth; than in after years as a thirty
second degree Czar, with q mighty
Empire under his thumb and a frac-
tious bomb under his throne.
Greatness brings with it newspaper
criticism, loss of appetite, languor,
cold feet and death. And even in
death great man does not stand much
of chance. Relic-hunters come and
try to break into his grave and carry
fragments Of his system away to re-
member him by, and the historian
criticises him to his hearts content.
For this reason we ought to appre-
ciate country where we need not be
great If we would rather not. A Gar
really has no alternative. He can
avoid being CzarRa by beginning in
time, but when he discovers that be Is
a Czarowitz he knows that it is good
by John, as the Russians have it.
Here the rules are less severe. A man
may escape greatness for years and
years He may be President Of the
United States to-day and promoting
pullets tomorrow.
The utmost latitude is given to an
American. He can not only abstain
from 5sfiIg great, but, after he has
been great, our people viii excuse a
man and allow him to insert himself
into obscurity again in case he feels
more comfortable that way. But a
Gar has no chance. He really has no
fun at ALL AS soon as he discovers
that his lineage IS high he is open to
criticism, and cannot do anything un-
dignified.
"a Gar who would play shortstop in
a picked nine, or go about the country
delivering humorous lectare, would
be ostracized Many long, hot SUM
mer day he has TO stay on big red
throne and reign, while mediocre men
60 fishing. just as he thinks he is
alone ana takes off his hot, ermine-
trimmed robes. thinking that he win
sit in his shirt-sleeVes and play a few
strains on his French horn, courtier
comes in, and, making low obeisance
states that he has a ukase which ought
to be issued in time to catch the 2
o'clock mail,
Then it is disagroeablc for man 70
be Car and suddenly find himself
the parent Of Grand Duke whom he
don't exactly feel at liberty to spank
No man really wants to spank a Grand
Duke, no matter how little he IS. AS
Americans we do not fully appreciate
the blessings of freedom which are de-
MED to a Car. Czarinas also have a
pretty hard row to hoe, to use an
Americanism. They have to meet all
the social demands that are made upon
them, and entertain neighboring po-
tentates, see chat they have hot water
and clean towels in their rooms while
| visiting at their houses, and show them
the best places 20 trade while in the
city. They also have To have general
oversight Of the children, SO that their
distracted country will not run short
of monarch.
It's no uncommon thing for Car
ina to say 60 a visiting dynasty: s.Ex-
cuse mo a moment Your Royal Alti-
toodleuin; his Nibs the Grand Duke
Ihas just informed me thar her Emil
nence the Grand Duchess. his sister,
has got a Lima bean up her nose. -
Bill Nye III Aste York Norld.