Wichita eagle., 1888-08-29
An Immense Argument.
KANSAS KOLLARY.

AANSAO hOA1aH1.
General greeting of the Arkansas river
towns-O, Thalassa!
The common parlance of ''paper" for
newspaper" fits some journals to t.
Every Kansas paper thinks it its SOL
emn duty to add another cipher or two
to the expense of sending the militia to
Stevens county.
The Kansas City Gazette accused
Woodson county Of a hairless calf and
the girls of Marysville and Fort Scott of
kleptomania.
The old Arkansas river threatens to
become interesting after all next to the
presidential campaign and the crop pros
poets. 1t is the absorbing topic of street
conversation.
Out in western Kansas it is sure death
to mention the identification of either
Quantrell OF the Bender family, and
Frank James is as common and abund-
ant as the land offices.
Milt Reynold has evidently added
arabian Nights" and Brothers Grimm's
Fairy Tales" to his library, as his
women and the plums'' story partakes
a great deal OF the phraseology of both.
Some Kansan in the desperation of the
moment advises the United States to send
John Sullivan down to the strip, not in
the office of a government catapult, but
rather that John and the strip might live
it out together.
A man over at Eureka refused S13 the
other day for fear of ill luck A citi-
zens committee offered him all kinds of
inducements to remain In town, even
going SO far as to let him have the come
dy in the new tragedy written by local
savant.
''SOme farmers wives from the vicin-
ity of Gueda Springs went to the Terri
tory to gather wild plums a few days
ago While they We're returning the
soldiers came upon them, knocking the
end-gate out of their wagon, causing
them to lose their plums."
An editor out in Wichita county came
very nearly getting mobbed the other
day for giving credence to the story that
there are two sunfower stalks Of natural
growth at Rochelle, Florida, one of
which has / 900 and the other 1,139
blooms and buds. The stalks are about
ten feet high with branches reaching
out about six feet. Endangered not that
they had lost faith III the editors truth
fulness, but of the treason TO the sun
flower state.
The Brown County World states that
the leading style of Kansas newspaper
humor at this period Is something like
this: 1t is no longer an evidence of a
first-class hotel where the rats and mice
are allowed to play horse on the dining
room tables between meals. And their
funny column consists of the follow
ing solitary item, if we overlook nothing:
How strange it is that the daughter
must always practice her music Just
when mother is getting dinner or wash
ing dishes.
Commanche county aye, aye, sirs!
with five living newspapers out of the
twenty a short time ago. Whether the I
doubts of the public in the longevity of /
will interfere with the re-
naming five is not known, and it mat |
tiers still less as the subscribers to those /
papers that depend greatly upon sub
5cription, think nothing of beating a |
newspaper. A sack of peanuts taken |
from vender, or a stick of !
chewing gum would wound the con-
science of the man who refuses TO pay |
his subscription with a vain grin.
We would like to know with what au
thority and by what right man who up 1
to the last six months in his life has /
worked perhaps in a cheese factory, /
saws about himself: Even the hardened /
newspaper reporter was touched as he |
looked on the scene, ands pondered over /
the roughness of the road of life. We |
know too of certain Kansas newspaper |
reporters that unfailingly happen TO be
in some brown study or tragical posi-
tion when the fre-bell rings, and who
make the fire subordi-
nate to the reporter.
The extent Of the watermelon crop IS
appalling. Down in some Of |
the southwestern counties the people |
resorted TO giving the melons away for
time. and kept the fruit down, but that |
PLAYED out and the melons are rapidly |
gazing the ascenpancy over the natives. |
4 paper of the vicinity goes so far as to |
state that it is getting a common thing /
for farmer TO have his house watermel- |
oned under and 10 necesitate his digging ,
out in the morning, but of coure no cred /
nnce is given to the story. By the way. |
couldn't this abundance of melons have /
something TO do with the Arkansas river, /
thar l. lis reJnaFHs