Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-11-08
THE FIDGETY MAN.


THE FlDGETY MAN.
An Individual That Bears . Close Resem.
blance to the Mosquito.
AIRS any Of our readers unfortunate
enough to number fidgety man among
their acquaintances? Have they ever
been compelled to listen, with the most
patient impotence, to his two-hour-
long string of ailments and grievances?
If they have, they will sympathize
With US, when we say that q fidgety
man is worse than a teething baby
more uncomfortable than house clean
ing. and only a spice better than .
fdgety woman.
He's very nice kind OF an individ-
him talk, that Father Job wasn't a cir.
cumstance to him, and that If all the
saints and martyrs in the Prayer Book
ever walked on one pair of legs, he was
the possessor thereof! He has no sort
of patience with the female fidgets; he
looks down on them from pinnacle
of serene scorn:
On the whole he means well, but II
his wife happen to be one of those
meek souls who believe tt At the world
will cease turning round unl1s their
husbands stand by to oil the wheels
and look after the valves, she hid bet
ter be under thousand-paund-weight
milestone at once; the grinding pro-
1lv,s< ho
certainly would be quicker.
He never goes to bed without being
firmly convinced that there is a robber
somewhere in the house, and wakes up
every body to inquire If there isn't
burglar under their beds or in their
wardrobes. He makes the tour of the
house regularly after the candles are
all blown out, to burrOw in the kitchen
ashes, lest the cook should have left
spark of fire. and to see that the bolt
are all fastened.
He endures more daily trials thay
you would conceive possible. Tho
tailor never sends home his coat with
the tails of automatically correS
length, and the new boots invariabiI
press upon his tenderest corn. II the
morning paper doesn't arrive at just
such time, you would think that tho
whole created universe had come to .
standstill. If door creaks, he jumps.
If the clock ticks loud, it destroys his
comfort
Nothing occurs in the domestic
arena without his discovering it. and
he takes exception to every thing.
The flies buzz louder on his window
panes. and take sharper nip at his
nose, than they do anywhere else; and
If any dyspeptic dog in the neighbor.
hood, after having eaten too many
bones. INDUCES in q howl or two a
light, his peace is destroyed-and
everybody's besides!
On washing days the smell of soap
suds makes him sick; on baking days
the sound of rolling-pin and pounding
mortar makes him nervous! Now he
constitutes it his rule never to inter.
fere with domestic details-of all
things he detests q hen-hussy; but
couldn't they have selected any other
day for their kitchen orgies than thu
one on which he happens to remain -
home? :
No use telling him that Bridget
didn't know he was In the house. Ol
course nobody takes any pains to con-
suit his comfort. he guesses he isn't
going to be choked to death In hia
own house, though. There goes that
everlasting bell; he supposes old Grum-
BILE is coming to bore his life out again;
If there's any thing in the world that
drives him distracted, it Is one Of these
people who are eternally finding fault
He wishes that man was at the bottom
Of
'.How do you do, Mr.. Grumble? De-
lighted to see You. What q charity il
is to drop in Of an evening. Ny love.
here Is our dear Mrs. Grumble. tool
This Is an.unexpected pleasurer'
And the company 60 away at eleveA
o'clock p. m, fully convinced that h
Is IN angel upon earth. and that hio
wife ought to Be the happiest womaa
alive Pity they couldn't see behind
the curtain.
We never could discover the precise