Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1888-03-24
IIUMOR.

MAN proposes; but the girl disposes.
TINE is really in the hands of the
clock.
WE are all fortune tellers. That is,
we can tell fortune when We see it.
WoMEN are the best detectors of
counteits when the counterfeits are not
men.
AT the club-"What a bloated face
Van Swil!er has" "les; regular gin
phiz,
TIE pugilist' who struck preacher
claims to be an expoundcr of the Cos
pel.-Ar, ola record.
"RIGET hand to your partner" as
the printing Office devil remarked in
handing the scissors to the editor
carl Pretzel.
IT is no use for piano to be square
or upright. Mr.. Talmage is authority
for saying that there will be none of
them in heaven.
BEss-What bathing costume!
Why, You are half naked, jess. .css-I
don't care fig! Boss-Wcll, care a
fig leaf at least
WAITER TO Colonel Clueby, who has
absent-mindedly, given him his key
ring for tip - cuse me, boss, but
dis yere quarters punched.
"WHAT's the matter, Pat? Got
hurt?" "Sure an | turned me ankle
last Saturday. and it's meself that's
Travelled on three legs ever since"
THERE is a man in New York who
has been angry or thirty years on
stretch. 1t is the worst case of stand
ing choler that We ever knew sir
ungS.
"AN Chic gen us will shortly patent
an incubator which will shortly turn
out broiled chickens. Can the I'M
known be ex-pres:dent Hayes? -Tc,rds
| SUtingS.
SIS THERE any difference in the mean
ing of the words nautical and ma
rine'?" asked Mrs. McCorkle of. Mrs
angle. no." was the reply; zone is
a cinnamon of the other"
PHYSICIANS now CAIN that there is
great virtue in onions. Onions are
strong enough to lie vrtuoas; cspec;-
ally the old-time red variety, which are
surely able to withstand all tempta-
tions. -1rhdnsaw ira Ter.
DoCToR-Tid you say to your hus-
band, Mrs. Hendricks, that, if agree
able to him, would send bill for SER
vice rendered during his recent severe
! illness? Mrs. Hendricks-les, doctor !;
and he thought you had better wait
until he gets a little stronger. Life.
A CoNNECTICUT woman has emhro:d-
cred the words and music of "Home,
Sweet Home" OF linen sheet which
is on the spare-room bed. Her guests
have not decided whether tho hostess
means to indicate that they must feel
at home, or had better go home. Los
ton Trdr,Lier.
A WOMAN with her first baby banged
on her female neghbor's door the other
morning, about the time old topers
crawl out to hunt their morning cheer,
and shrieked out, excitedly: Come
over as soon as you get your breakfast
if the baby hasn't got tooth I'm a
liar!" Terra SUtipgS.
WE are informed by an exchange
that the Kentucky State House is still
heated by wood fires in open freplaces,
Previously we had entertained the
lotion that the building was heated by
individual firearms; but I entucky al
ways has been willing to waste con
siderable heat on legislation, Nclo
Hdrc.t n US.
MICKEY FREES EXPLANATION.
The rayson It's hard, says my friend Mickey
iroe,
To pro lint min from snllin the crayth r,
! Makes NJ think Of Il i. OF Il story, SAWS lie,
That's ji5t il accord wild min naythu.
l once had friend, In f,ont ulmo wal Pa,
A gem of tn Imeral !sle.
FOR st oaln II pig, went through the Co rt's
liz
In the reg lar ND Irish style.
Though no. very lolt, the case T. wa1 strolI
For his taken that four legged mate
But Pat he IL okod sly, and held his head high
When the jury returned to til, i, sata.
The judge locked at thim the jury ut him:
"Phats Tho vera ck:" thin can his he y est.
/ tpl JIMMY ROurle. as foreman he spoke,
en- taller than OF the rest
"Yorr honor we'll knows the evidence shows
Plat tronblo til ro is wild our Pat.
But not Gin there don't row " hat . fair,
SO the jury release him ON tat
Win mkt saw the bye, VIII n wink in mo oye
How We bate your way O 1t If co;rs?"
Thin A. said wild grin, and qulrS look OF
! Inn,
Whist! the jury had part of the cork'
lhEe UU gimSa