davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Morning journal and courier., 1888-02-21
Ioke-Rlind People.

TOke-Rl1nd People.
 From the Youths Companion.
 The people who cannot take a joke are many, but those who can see neither sthide nor hair" of it, to whom it is absolutely invisible, are fortunately in the minority; but midway between the two are the stolidly literal people, who always "speak by the card," and take every statement for just what it is worth on the surface.
 A gentleman was once illustrating in 8 small company the fact that the mind dis eased takes on odd modes of action by the story of the lunatic who fancied that he lived in palace and dined upon the choicest vi- ands. In point of fact, he was confined in Q hospital and his diet was restricted to gruel.
 'I dine every day upon the fat of the land" said the poor fellow, land yet every thing eat tastes of gruel."
 When the story was finished a sympathetic lady who had quite missed it's point exclaimed: "Poor mani Too bad to feed him on gruel! Do you suppose that's the fare in all the hos pitals!"
 An overworked farmer of vivid imagina- tion and nimble tongue one morning called back hurriedly to his wife as he took his way to the field:
 'No, can't go to town with you to-day, Jane; I've got 1000, 900 bushels of potatoes to dig before night"
 "What can he mean!" speculated the little wife, as she went about her work. I'm sure we never have mere'n 40 bushels, and he couldn't dig lem in day to save his life."
 She was not quite equal to the extraction of the grain of wheat contained in that bushel of hyperbolical chaff.
 Another farmer said one day, jocosely, to 8 neighbor: s'Don't seem to pay to do the hayin'. Have to do it right over agin next year?"
 "But what would the cattle live on if you didn't do it?" inquired the more literal man.
 ''Do? Let lem live on faith, same's the rest on us have to do."
 "You depend upon it, you'd lose more'n you'd gain," said the other, solemnly fCritters have got to eat, and we've got to take care on 'em. Don't you turn your cattle adrift to shift for themselves, Eben; you won't gain nothin' by it D
Morning journal and courier., 1888-02-21
THE NAPOLEON OF FINANCE.
He Is 8 Creature Born, Not Made by
 Education.

 He Is 8 Creature Born, Not Made by
 Education.
 Did you ever notice how easily any man void of conscience and honesty passes a counterfeit half dollar on you, and how writes Bob Burdette. Other men pass the glittering cheat, but. when it reaches you there it sticks. In the dark and gloomy street car, where the shrieking blast and
 whirling snow puts out the f1ickering lamps,
 the half-frozen driver of the bob-tail de- tects the swindle by the touch of his be- numbed and eallous fingers. The busy
 man at the ticket office, making change faster than mill wheels strike, gets on to you with both feet. Everybody recognizes
 the cheat, and one glance at your guilty face oonvinces them that you are purpose ly trying to pass the debased coin. If you go back to the man who gave it to you he hoots and laughs you to scorn, and says he couldn't be fooled with that chunk of glass and pewter if he was dead. I once carried a counterfeit half for two weeks, and ut- terly ruined my good standing by offering it to everybody I dealt with. Twice I put it in contribution boxes in church, and the deacons, one a Congregationalist and the other & Baptist-my own father-spotted l me both times. In despair I told a friend 1 about it one day, brisk young fellow, who never had any money and had no l credit but could always get what he want ed. 'tLet me see it." he said. Good as gold," he added, tossing it in the air; "but I could make better one out of wood in ! the dark. Let's get cigar" I held him
 back. 'tI've been in that place with it ! twice." said, "and the last time the man ! threw it at me and threatened to have me ! arrested" "You don't coznt," said ne, and
 in we went; he bought three cigars, got a quarter in change, looked at it suspicious l ly, and, remarking to the dealer as he re- ! luctantly pocketed it that there was more counterfeit silver than good money in cir ! culation, Seame out. I was dumb with ! amazement, but he only said: Robbie, ! there's nothing to you; youth die in the poor house." But you're just like me. To be @ 1 Napoleon of finance one must be born 80.
 You can't "make up" for the part with any f degree of success.
Morning journal and courier., 1888-02-21
Black Dress Goods.

In this department we are of fering REMARKABLE BARGAINS. Just for few days we shall sell lot of fine serges at 58c a yd, that usually retail at 75c.
Morning journal and courier., 1888-02-21

physician of the Maryland board of health has concluded that two hours in the forenoon and one hour in the afternoon is as long time as children can be proftably em- ployed in school. He advocates eighteen hours week as the limit for school children under twelve, and says that it would be bet ter, from purely hygienic point, to make Wednesday the weekly holiday rather than Saturday, and to have examinations occur at tine beginning of school term rather than at the end
Morning journal and courier., 1888-02-21

The new artificial alkaloid antipyrene has been found to be a potent remedy for seq sickness. In most cases dose of 1-2 gram mes is sufficient, the effect being manifested in about ten minutes. This is decidedly ehearinp
Morning journal and courier., 1888-02-21
EDITORIAL NOTES.

General Sheridan seems to know what he wants and what he doesn't want. After all, the question of his birthplace was not very important one.
Morning journal and courier., 1888-02-21
MEANS DYSPEPSIA KILLERS.

Prepared by pr. Mark Woodbury; put up in Log enge form in little boxes convenient to carry. Agreeable to taste. perfectly harmless and sure to cure Dyspepsia and Indigestion. You should get part of the United States receipt of price, by Doolttle Smith, 24 and 26 Fremont street Bostsn, Wass. ja19 nr
 R
Morning journal and courier., 1888-02-21

two blocks long at the box office when went down this morning.
 March Miss Brown was recalled seven teen times last night. Seats all sold for two weeks ahead. The critic of the Investigator pounded tLe critic of the Bugle this morn ing. I think I'll leave town for few weeks. Business will take care of itself for while.
Morning journal and courier., 1888-02-21
FOR S2.5O
FOR $3.5O

we offer you your choice from large lot of mems and young mems pants in very desira- ble patterns. Many of these are extra pants left from suits, and are put into this lot at much less than their real value to close them ouf af onca
Morning journal and courier., 1888-02-21
Notice

We cannot accept anonymous or return rejecteo communications. In all cases the name Of the writer will be required. not for publication. but ss guarantee of good faith
 SITUATIONS WANTED one insertion soc; each subsequent insertion 25c.
 WANTS, RENTS. and other small advertisements occupying not more than six lines. insertion 75c; each subsequent insertion 2Sc. ! One square tone inch) one insertion, S1.20: each subsequent insertion 40 cents: week $3.2o; one month. $19.0o.
 Obituary notices in prose verse, IS cents per line Notices of Births, Marriages, Deaths and fu- neras, 25 cts. each Local Notices % cts per line.
 Advertisements on second page one price and half.
 Yearly advertisers are limited to their own imIne diate business, (all matter to be unobjectionable) and their contracts do not include Wants, To Let For Sale. etc.
 Special ratesfurnished application for contracts covering considerable length of time, OF a large space.
 Yearly advertisements at the following rates: One square, one year. $40: two squares. one year, $7o; three squares, one year, $l00
Morning journal and courier., 1888-02-21

It will be remembered that Mrs. Margaret Parker recently induced some needy Scotch gentlewomen to go to Los Angeles, Califor- mia. Some sixty of them arriving announced their readiness to accept properly recon mended positions as governessss, readers to invalids, and so on. As is we'll known, there are no invalids in California, and governesses are not in demand there. The needy gentle
 women were saved from starvation only by the British consul's charity.
 The determination of the house committee
 on merchant marine and fisheries to report
 adversely the bill to exempt coastwise vessels
 piloted by their licensed masters or by 8 United States pilot from the obligation to pay State pilots for services not absolutely rendered will call forth some criticism. It is forciblv argued that the work which the na- tiop has been doing for years in marking channels and setting warnings of danger has materially lessened the necessity for local pilots so far at least as the eoastwise trade is concerned.
 The lower house of the Ohio legislature must be an intelligent body. It has passed, with only one dissenting vote, bill for the | appointment-by the governor of commission of four persons to ''prepare and adopt" and have printed all the text books to be used in | the public schools. In other words, the gov ernor is required to select four citizens oi I Ohio capable of writing off-hand text-books on the subjects of reading, spelling, arith metic, geography, grammar, physios, his tory, algebra, etc, and after that is done
 hays them printed by the lowest bidder fol the job.
 The great steel gun cast at Pittsburg few
 weeks ago has been boredthroughoutit it's who'll length of sixteen feet .and appears to be with out defect. The bore has been carefully test
Morning journal and courier., 1888-02-21
Tr1e 9narma1 and Gnmrier.

DELIVERED BY CARRIERS IN THE CTTY, 15 GENTS WEEK. 50 GENTS MONTH, $500 FOR SIX MONTHS, $500 A YEAR. THE SAME TERMS BY MAIL.
 Tuesday. February 2I. 1888.
Morning journal and courier., 1888-02-21
Magnetic Treatment.

DBsE w. CLARK, the magnetic healer and electric physician, treats the following diseases; Dyspepsia, Liver Complaint, Asthma, Lung Dis cases Rheumatism, Humors of all kinds. etc., etc. Office hours to 12 a. m, 2 to p. m. and evenings Consultation free. ja4tf 22S GROWN STREET.
 Dr. J. w. Cummings, "LECyTRO Therapeutic physician. Electricity EI when properly applied has all the elements necessary to cure acute, nervous and chronic dis eases.
 ELECTRICITY Cures Rheumatism and Spinal Complaints.
 ELECTRICzTY Cures Diphtheria and Bronchitis.
 ELECTRECITX Cures Bright's Disease and Kidney Diseases gener- ally. Also all Uterine Diseases.
 ELECTRICITY Cures Lung and Throat Complaints. Do not fail to visit Dr. Cummings and make use Of this potent remedy.
Morning journal and courier., 1888-02-21
1aisIe1 1Ia1Ien11s.
UHappr0achable Bargains!

This week we offer our entire stock of Mems and Young Mems odd Pants at prices that have never been and cannot be equalled.
Morning journal and courier., 1888-02-21

The great steel gun cast at Pittsburg few weeks ago has been boredthroughouti it's whole length of sixteen feet and appears to be with out defect. The bore has been carefully test
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-02-08
MANY TROTTING MEN IN TOWY.

THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION TO MEET TO-DAY
CHAT ABOUT CANDIDATES
The National Irotting Association viii begin ifs an
nual meeting to-day NJ the Fifth Avenue Hotel About
year ago there vigorous fight over the secretary
shin Mr. Vail OF Hartford. elected. but resigned
shortly arterward. Mr. Moisc OF Paw Paw, Mich. was
elected in his stead. Judge James Grant, formerly or
Iowa but now OF California said taat he woud serve MS
term as president only for tho year and did not even
wan, to that An effort win he nude to Induce Judge
Grant who has served the association faithfully 70
accept the Office for the ensuing year.
The result OF the controversy was the creation OF
new trottins association. The old association claims
that II has held own and that while tho new assoca
ten has more II s itself far ahead In nm ncia
receipts Perhaps there will an effort made to re-
elect Mr. Vail Colonel snowden OF Philsfelphia VIII
probably he elected president II Judge Grant atheres TO
his resolution not 10 serve again Colonel Sno wdcns
formidable opponent will be Mapr p r. johnston
OF Kentucky. ,.,
Enthusiasts say there Ia for both associations
Others however maintain that theie Is not Delegates
continued arrive Throughout the afternoon ana even
ing Here are a few who were noticed about the
corridors Fifth Avenue Hotel last night: Major H.
G.. Mcdowell, OF Kentucky; G. j. Hamlin. OF Bnftlo;
Major =. r. Johnston AMI r. L. Upton or Kentucky:
David Bonner. Hamilton Bnsby, Judge Grant. Colonel
snowden Colonel Wism Edwards and W. FaSey, OF
Cleveland and r. o. King and W. r. Hill. of Hartford
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-02-08
PLENTY OF HUSBANDS IN THE FAMILY.

discovery made Yesterday n Justice Stills
inRs police court Jersey city George Phillips srsgned
charge assault and battery made against him
by his mother.ialaw Mrs sappa OF Brooklyn, who Was
stopping with another daughter 81 No. 29 Montgomery st.
During course Of the examination she sad that she
always tried hor daughters properly and In prosf
of assertion she told Justice that sho had succeeded
by the exercise little strategy getting Of her
daughters .rred In order that between them
they properly provided for Mrs Sappa said that
daughters living In Brooklyn who were married
TO two OF sailors EACH aud added that the
would similarly nxod shortly When asked how
husbands liked the arrange lent she said that they
never and that husbands
that wife the wife Of two Also
The husbands are oil sailors and home together
To Justice decided that the matter his jurisdo
ton. and also dismissed tho complaint
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-02-08
oKLAHohA BooMsRsv STILL oTIvE.

ST. LOUIS. Fen. tSpeciaD The Oklahoma boomers
are massng In Kansas City and the convention which
opens to- promises to be largely attended Tho
object of tho nton Is 10 memorabilia Congress to
spen up the Indian Territory and No-Mans Land Colo
mel Samuel Crsckcr, editor OF III, Industrial Age OF
Caldwell Kansas. and the secretary of Paynes Okla
homa Colony, saii this morning:
"Theso reports which are constantly published about
companies being orgsuizsd in southern Kansas
with guns and cannon to Invade the
Tcrrtory are all false belong
the only regularly organized Oklahoma colony there
Is and all ask that Congress takc action In the
matter We have iatentsn Of invasg the Territory
The feeling Southern Kansas Is strongly in favor Of
the opening however Within year after the opening
OF tho Territory 1t will have population OF ooooo
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-02-08
HILLS ELMIRA HENCHMEN ASTTR.
PLANS TO NURSE THE GOVERNORS BOON FOR THE
NATIONAL NOMINATION..

PLANS TO NURSE THg GOVERNORS BOON FOR THE
NATIONAL NOMINATION..
ELMrRA, Feb (SpeciaD.-The announcement that
Governor Hill will contest the Presidential nomination
with President Cleveland is received In Elmira with
much enthusiasm by the Democrats with q few excep-
tons, and the work OF organizing Hill boom was
begun The most enthusiastic among the Hill followers
are those who we're leaders In the Excelsior Club which
performed such valiant services for Mr. Cleveland In
1884, and whose effort, were only rewarded, as they
say by being brushed aside and the fat places given TO
Mdgwunps leader in a group of Democratic caucus
and convention managers said to-day:
"We will have q chance to get even with His Mug
wumpian Hishness, and don't forget that we will be
there when the settlement will be mide. Cleveland can
never Garry the State again. II WAS carried through
every time he ran by Dave HILL whose friends saved
C!evelani In "a but will never do 1t again" .
Preparations under way for tn" REQ glnizaon OF
the Excelsior Club under the name or the ID. H. HUI
Club The organization will b. perfected by william l.:
Muller who Is expected in this city in few days ana
who slated secretary of the National Committee
providing Hill receives the nomination. Another part
the programme the calling of the Chemhng County
cancuses and before other In the state
and a. that convention resolutions In keeping with the
Hill campaign plans will be passed.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-02-08
WHAT PROTECTION DOES FOR FARMERS
AN ADDRESS BY GEORGE b. LoRING BEFORE NEW
ENGLAND AGkICULTURIsTs.

AN ADDRESS BY GEORGE b. LORING BEFORE NEW
ENGLAND AGKICULTURIsTs.
Boston. Feb (SpeclaD.-George b. Lorng, ex-Com-
missioner Of Agriculture. delivered address to-day
before the New England Agricultural Society on tho
tariff showing how farmers benefited by protection
DR. Loring referred the fact that most Of the New
England States have large population employed IN
manufactures which gives unusual value to the
farms and their products In those States where ~
per cent of the population engaged I'm farming the
valne Of the land per acre IS about $40, while In
those States where nearly 50 per cent Of the popu-
laon engaged In farming the value of the land Is
only So per So too. of the value OF the prod
ucts Of the farm The speaker quoted the wool In
dustry which had suffered from excessive nucu-
atlons under shifting tariffs. The disaster to the
worsted cloth mannfac under a false construction
of the tariff OF 1883. the decline Of the iron Industry In
1850, and the ruin of the quinine industry In l7oo
were recalled as other Illustrations Of the fatal eject
OF free trade.
The assumption that the American farmer IS taxed
for the benefit Of the American manufacturer. and that
he largely dependent the foreign market is wholly
unfounded. said the speaker. When he goes into the
home market with his products and for the purchase
of his supplies he finds the fostering policy Of hs
Government has secured for him advantage in each
capacity As seller be can pr9dnee hohhg "a hI me-
foreign for hts perishabc products: the crops
Of his garden for his milk none OF Importance
for his fruit none fOr his wool and but small one
for his stapes after supplying the wants OF his own
country. lie gets moro his wheat In the markets
OF the manufacturing States than he gets In Liver
pool lie realizes moro for his cotton In Lowell Than
he does In Manchester. England: for his corn tho
foreign market Is comparatively unimportant for his
beef and pork he reaps his profit from the consumers
al home. In America he finds ready market for
90 per cent Of all no produce, and he can spare
but 10 per for foreign consumption after feed
ing his own people When he enters the market as
a purchaser the competition Of his own country has
reduced the prices far below what he could hope for
were he delivered to the tender mcrces OF the
foreign producer.
DR. Lorlng also proceeded TO show the difference In
wages I'm favor OF American farm labOrers over those
in Europe.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-02-08

Petition for more Enectual Protection Of Agri-
culture
To the Speaker Of the Hoase Of Representatives.
The undersigned respectfully pray that agrcult-
ure may be more ciectually protected, by pre-
venting fraudulent importations of cattle on pre-
tence that they for breeding only;
By duty OF 20 cents per bushel on barley
with proportionate increase Of duty on malt:
By duties Of 25 cents per bushel on potatoes
and onions 50 per 100 on cabbagcs, 50 per ton
on hay, 10 cents per pound OH hops, 20 per cent
on beans and peas, cents per dozen eggs
80 per cent on fowls and poultry and on
" vegetables in their natural state or in salt or
brine. not otherwise provided for" with removal
or reduction of duties on market garden products
now dutiable;
BY such increased duties on flax and on linen
goods as will effectuay encourage the preparation
of fibre and manufacture Of goods
BY abolishng all duties sugar, with bounty
to home producers;
BY preventing imports OF leaf tobacco suitable
for wrappers at the duty imposed other leaf
obacco, and repeating all internal taxes on tobacco:
BY restoring to wool growing the substantial
protection enjoyed under the tariff Of 1867, so
modified as to meet the later forms OF foreign
competition and Of evasion.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-02-08
SOUTHERN KNIGHTS or PROTECTION.

WHEELING w. Va. Feb THE Knights OF Protection.
socaled will state Con ventoa IN this city Febru
airy 10 The mated in Parker sburR
W. about two years aa has for Its object as the
name implies OF prosojtion No
Republican who believes in protective tariff
is gblo bershp Knights The ritual con-
tans the following satemoat OF the principles which the
knights devoted:
First labor mental and corporal IS honorable
and only wealth.
SecOnd-TEat duty Of Government, at times
ustry OF citizens by max
ing and enforcing such tariff OF protective duties Will
cure our from desperate and disastrous
foOdugs of fore production and competition.
Thrd-That arf the right u enjoy the products OF
our soil and and valuable the soil ITSELF
an equally duly OF our Government to repel
In q /. the other
Fourth the farmer. laborer AMI manufacturer are
alike vitality interested protection and that The
perty OF Oocupat Is mainly dependent on
the agricultural md ng Interests
FTnh-That under Protection United pros
pered ami the people Is vastly su
peror 10 that In any country maintain this differ
sheuld be constant aim.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-02-08
TIE PRINCETON PRESIDENCY.


OPPOSITION IN THE WEST To THE CANDIDACY OF
DIR. PATTON.
CHICAGO Feb Especially The greatest interest rs to
who will be chosen succeed DR. Mc(Osh as president
Of Princeton College IL manifested here In Chicago
among the Princeton graduates and snrs Dr. Pattons
name has been prominently mentioned there Is
greater intsrest shown, Dr. Patton was for
several years resident Of this place
He was well known in this city the former pastor Of
the jefferson Park PRESBYTERIAN Church. editor Of The
interior prsfesssr Of didactic and poemc Theology
in the Mccormick Seminary. His chief distinction In
Chicago however az the prosecutor Of Professor
Swing whom that clergyman. who was pastor OF the
Fourth Presbyterian Church. was, to speak, eX-
cemmnnica ed. The Princeton Association in Chicago
has about 30 members This feeling among them Is Of
decided oppoItisn Dr. Patton and several prominent
msmhers OF the association, whs have been In
correspondence with the Princeton Association OF ST.
Louis and other Western towns report that the same
feeling Is manifested there As result Of this canvas.
petition has drawn UP and forwarded to the trus
regard the candidacy Of Dr. Patton expressed The
objection stated is that he is too much OF q reclHse.
WANT DIR. McCosIrs NAME on THE DIPLOMAS.
Princeton, Feb THE senior class OF the college
passed resolutions to-day, asking the Board OF
To extend the administration of President McCo,h to tho
date OF its graduation that the graduates may
the name OF President McCosh upon their diplomas
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-02-08
NOVEL MODE OF sWIyDLIyG

tall middle aged man. giving his name Philip Holmes.
Of No 1855 Bowery applied Clerk John T. Toole OF the
oronets Office last Thursday for permit 10 the
body of Mary A. Wagner the home of William Archi
baId O. 256 East Fty.hrstst tho Morgue lie got tho
permit having made an anIavit and Deputy Coroner
Conway started attend the He could find such
body at aid ho with better success
at the houso East Fifty hrst.s The affair remained
m,sery until Yesterday when learned that the
wa. soliciting money - bury his dead wife, description OF
the man TO Inspector Dyrnes with request TO
have him arrested Another made request Clerk
Toole yesterday under nearly the same crcum
stances II refused Investigate proved the
In no a sUindleE