Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1888-04-11

Catching the train-picking up the end of
lady's dress.
A school of design is mother and her
six manageable daughters
When a red headed lady is cremated,
| nothing remains but a handful of ashes of
roses.
Miss Lizzie Dollar was recently married
to southern gentleman. He says he never
wants to changer.
A Meridian man has bible 142 years old.
| Strange how long bible may be made to
last, by temperate usage.
A man was boasting that he had an ele-
vator in his house. $50 he has," chimed
his wife; 'tand he keeps it in the cupboard,
| in BOTTLE"
In these days of pedestrianism, this isn't
| bad; Gin the race for matrimony, it is not
always the girl who covers the most laps
that wins"
When the baby has hiccoughs, give it GIN:
| when the father of the baby has hiccoughs
| take away the gin. Some doctors would
charge two dollars for this advice,-Puck.
CHOW do you define black as your
shoes p" said a schoolmaster to one of his
pupils.
Darkness that may be felt," replied the
youthful wit.
Chicago paper has this somewhat in
comprehensive paragraph: 'sThe year
1888 is good year to draw to-three of a
kind and an ace."
Kansas school teacher "Where does our
grain 60 to?" 'Tnto the hopper" 'What
hopper?" "Grasshopper, triumphantly
shouted scholar.
A minister asked tipsy fellow, leaning
against the fence, where he expected to go
to when he died. "If can't get along
better than do now," he said, ~ shan't
60 anywhere"
Eccentric old lawyer to new footman-
CHOW, then, Patrick, call me cab." Pat,
who thinks this dodge to try his sincerity.
"Och, no, yer honor; it's not mesilf that'll
be callin' ye names at ALL"
1t makes young man feel very much as
| if some things in the world were all vain to
| sing "Come to my bosom, come, love" un-
| der window, and then happen to see a
sign $40 Lett on the door.
"How well he plays for one so young"
said Mrs. Partington, as the organ boy and
his monkey performed near the door; sand
how much his dear little brother in the
calico dress looks like him, to be sure"
| A local paper says that Boston has
| grocer so mean that he has been seen to
catch flies and hold them up by their hind
legs and look in the cracks of their feet to
see if they have been stealing any of his
sugar.
Don't you wish you was big manf''
said one little urchin to another. ssK'rect.
do. I'm just dying to be big snuff to git
| shaved, an have one of 'em BARRIERS pow
me-"
commercial editor, who was once a
small boy, with mother who knew the
| value of a slipper in cases of emergency.
| cannot to this day write about ga move.
ment in leather" without hitching uneasily
| in his chair.
Old jackson is sure that goats can read.
| for he caught one the other morning de-
molishing his Sunday hat, which had fallen
out of the window near a fence, on which
was painted in big letters, ''Chew Jack
sons Best Plug"
TRUTH is MIeHTY.-Grocer Ito bowl
What are you doing, James?
James-Puttin' sand in the sugar.
Grocer-Well, that won't do. You must
put the sugar in the sand, then if a GUS
| toner asks if we put sand in our sugar YOU
can truthfully say no. You will find.
James, as you acquire more business expert
| ence, that, iu the long ruu, truth always
pays.-New York Sun.