The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-28
BRIGHT BITS.

THE reason our Kentucky brethren drink so
much Bourbon is because SO many Boone COM
panlons are not dead yet.-Dulltth Para
grdpher
''YoU are a jewel" said the gushing young
man TO his girl ''and am going to have you
set. And then he quietly took her in his lap
HOnkeTs Statesman.
EVE was calculating little body, and knew
how many animals there were in the garden
long before her lord and master did Reason
because she was the first to Add em.-DetrOit
NeWS.
MoTHER-I am surprised, dear, to see you at
the piano soon after the death of your dear
Uncle James, and White Wings" too!
Daughter-Yes, mamma, but am only play
ing on the black keys.-NelU York Sun.
DIR. HAMMOND says that death is not a neces-
slty: " Does he: Well, l have just finished
settling up Harkins' estate, you know, and
Judging from the undertaker's bill | paid I'm
prepared TO agree with him It's luxury
Life.
II SHOULD THINK the police would not have
fight"
why, what makes you think sos"
because, you see they are already roped in. g."
-IerdS SlftingS
TRAMP (piteously)-Please help poor cripple
Kind Old Gent (handmg him some money
Bless me, why, of course. How are you Grip
Piled, my poor fellow?
Tramp (pocketing the money)-Financialy
"WHY should you object to marry an auc-
tioneer my dear? He's wealthy and respect
able-what else do you wantg'
Cecil (who is secretly engaged to Gamboge
the artist)-I don't like his appearance ma
mere! An auctloneer is always for bidding.-
Judge.
JABBER-H Hello, old mani Spring cleaning at
your house this week?
Jlber-No, not much!
Jabber-N No? How in the world do you get
rid of the pesky thing?
Jlber-Easy enough. We move into a new
house ON the LIST of May.-LOtoeH Citizen.
"You say he committed suicide on the in
stallnent plan? Hows thatY'
He moved from Chicago to New York then
to Cincinnati, then to st. Louis, when he took
to drinking beer, then whisky, went TO a sc eat
ing house for his meals, and finally became a
cigarette smoker. What else could you call it?'
-ChicdgO Tribune.
1.-THE British are ahead of us in one respect, :"
said the General after warm argument with
an AnglophObia on the respective merits of
England and America.
I'm what, l should like to known demanded
the Anglophobac. incredulOusly.
Time, replied the General; lit is O'Clock In
London when it is only here. "-P,tck
is IT TRUE, Mr.. Featherly," inquired Bobby
that the homeliest men get the handsomest
wivesY"
u believe there is an old saying to that effect,
Bobby. Why?'
L
and Clara said that you ought to marry one of
the handsomest women in the world. "-Harper's
BdzGr.
YOUNG MAN fon railroad train)-Yes, I had
about made UP my mind to invest my savings
in a little enterprise but I'm feeling mighty
doubtful about it now. l understand Pres-
dental years are bad for business
Old Man-All fudge. I'm nearly driven to
death; can hardly find time to sleep; overrun
with orders. The fact is, just coin money in
Presidential years
"Eh? What business are you I'M"
Liquor "-ODlGhd World
81 COULD gaze at the moon for hours, Mr.
Sampson, she said in a voice full of sweetness
and pneumonia. Il never tire of it."
'Ah," he responded, would that l were the
man in 1t :"
Eyes" she assented softly.
And why, Miss Clara?' he asked, getting
ready to take her hand
Because Mr.. Sampson she said shyly veil
ing her eyes with their long lashes, you would
be 100000 miles away. Epoch.