News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-04-12
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
WHAT THE MOROUS WRIT
ERS HAVE TO SAY.
Wormy ChestnutS-Truth is Mighty
"A Happy Thought-A True Sol
dier-DreadfullyS Sad.
MORMY CHESTNTTTS


"May venture to tell the old, old
story, Miss Maude," he said tremulous
ly; ''the old, old, yet ever new, story
Pardon me, Mr.. Sampson, if CAUSE
you pain, interrupted the girl, gently,
''but, to me, the story you wish to tell is
a chestnut
"a chestnut
eyes, Mr.. Sampson, I'm already en-
gagged; but I will be o sister--"
TT isn't as wormy as that one, mur-
INJURED Mr.. Sampson, feeling for his
hat.-N. 7. Sun.
ASKING.
Papa (severelyJ-Did you ask mamma
if you could have that apple
Three-year old-Yes. Sir,
Papa-Be careful, now. I'll ask nam.
ma, and if she says you didn't ask her
I'll whip you for telling story. Did
| you ask mamma?
Three-year-old- Truly, papa, asked
her "a pause.) She said I couldn't
have it.-PhiIadelphia Gail.
TRUTH Ia MIGHTY.
Grocer ito boy)-What are you doing,
James?
James-Puttin' sand in the sugar.
Grocer-Well, that won't do. You
must put the sugar in the sand, and
then if customer asks if we put sand
in our sugar you can truthfully say no.
You will find, James, as you acquire
more business experience, that, in the
long run, truth always pays.-N. Y.
ECening Sun.
TRUE SOLDIER
eyes, gentlemen" said the Colonel,
as he returned his glass to tho counter,
"the true soldier is never averse to dis
cipline. No matter how Objectionable
orders from a superior officer may be,
they must be obeyed promptly and
without question. The true soldier
never"
"Pa," said the ColonePs little boy,
opening the door: "ma says to come
home right away"
"Gentlemen, said the Colonel,
"good-d "-Sun.
VERY CONSIDERATE.
"Well, John" said old man Jordan to
his young friend, ''you have just mar
ried, hear.
eyes, sir" he answered with spring
morning smile; 'just q month ago, and
I want you to go up to dinner with me
to-day"
"Have you got COOKE"
"No."
"Well, my boy, s'pose we go to res
taurant this time. You must remember
I had a young wife once myself. "-Tecas
SJttngs.
DIVISION OF LABOR.
A little girl of three was told to rock
the cradle and keep the baby quiet while
her mother was cooking. She did it
to the baby, and did oil that she could,
but it was of no use-the baby would /
not be quieted. At last her patience
gave out, and she called to her mamma:
"For PHYS sake, mamma, come and see
to the young one, and let me do the
cooking. Boston Globe.
ABAD SHOT.
Cupid, little wretch, is blind;
And tho his darts are sighs and kris,
When he shoots at pretty maids
He's forever making Mrs.-Life.
HAPPY THOUGHT.
Creditor--Brown, you told me three
months ago that you would come to my
Office and settle up your account.
boDUOr-1 k1lO" L Gll(t, Dilt III OCCllIteU
to me that the Office should seek the
man, not the man the office.
WHY HE CALLED so LATE.
1t was at house in the Back Bay dis
trict.
A young lady had been spending the
evening, and a young man had called at
quite late hour
The young lady started for home soon
after, at 10 o'clock, but found it was
raining. Returning for an umbrella, she
said:
"Was it raining when you came in,
Mr.. Dr."
"Yes, indeed"
"Ahl" said the young lady to the host
ess, "that accounts for this late call. Mr..
D. is man who knows enough to come
in when it rains "-Bost0n Times.
NO TROUBLE ABOUT THAT.
"Sir," said the landlord of a vacant
house on Second street after stranger
had looked it over, "can you give me
The name of anyone who will guarantee
you?"
Certainly, sir. Just wait here ten
minutes and my wife will be along
Detroit Free Press.
WHY HE SHOOK.
Prospective Buyer-You'r re sure there's
10 malaria here2
Real Estate Agent-Not s-s-sign of
t.
Prospective Buyer-No chills and {
ever?
Real Estate Agent-Ain't b-b-b-been !
none in TIT (excuse me) twenty years.
Prospective Buyer-Look here, my
riend, what makes you tremble so2 I
Real Estate Agent (as another wave of :
shakes passes over him)-I was a-afraid
you were go-g-going away without BIB
,uyin, sir.-Puck.
ON THE PLATE.
Minister'S Wife-Richard. I wish {
,ou'd give me money to buy some but {
ons for the children's clothing.
Minister-Wait until after next Sun +
lay, my dear; I'm going to ask the con- {
,regation at that time for an extra col l
t
81 detest him; I never could marry :
lim," said young girl. "Why, do !
,ou know what call him ? I call him .
the little tin mogul.' Oh. dear, no, !;
ot to his face, but in my diary. That's !
7here take all my revenges and have
out with everybody-in my
iary. find it great relief" ."-Har-