San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1888-05-17
ALL SORTS.

tWO SIcdb
olssses-thOse who have more appetite
than dinner, and those who have more
dinner than appetite.
Augustus Popinjsy Ito his country
cousin, who is on visit to the family
"Do you object to the weed, Bella?"
"Bella-'No. but pa does. He's at 'em
with the hoe, early and late. "-Burling-
ton Free Press.
mo-" he said. ~ never think of the
City of Washington except as the city Of
my ruin" "Your ruin! / don't under
stand YOU" II lost cool 5000 there
in one night" AT cards?" "No, the
girl said she had promised to be anoth-
r's."-Judge.
Both are Firemen-"Daniel." eyes,
SIRE" Il see that Dave Hill says he
was once q fireman." "He does, sire"
81 can also boast of something in that
line, Daniel" "You can, sire. You
have fired thousands of republican off,
cials.-Pittsburg Chronicle
City Wife-"Haven't you got nice
g0lden-yellow COW out at the farm?"
Dairyman-"Oh, yes, ma'am." City
Wife-"Well, l wish the next time you
come in you would bring some OF her
butter. TO tell the truth, we are little
tired Of that from your white cow
Tid-Bits.
Agentleman met boy and asked him
what O'Clock 1t was. Being told it was
| just twelve, he expressed some surprise
and said he thought 1t was more. ITS
never any more In these parts, SIR" said
the boy, simply, lit begins again at
one."
A child who had just mastered her
catechism confessed herself disappoint-
ed, because, she said, "though obey
the fifth commandment and honor my
papa and mamma, yet my days are not
bit longer in the land. because l am
still put to bed at seven O'clock"
Lawyer Quibble-And so, for fanoied
insult you burned down your enemy's
house and carved him to pieces "a he
tried to escape? Prisoner-Yes. Quib.
ble-Good! I'll get you of easily. It's
clear case OF Intermittent moral in
sanity.-Life.
In order to explain in a clear simple
manner the necessity Of regulating our
conduct by some fixed standard, a
school master asked a pupil what he
ought to do with his watch If 1t went
sometimes too fast and sometimes too
slow. sell it," was the immediate re-
Spouse.
Minister (gently)-May l ask, Miss
Spinster, why, with your culture and re-
finement, and, pardon me, attractive
personal appearance, you have never
seen fit to marry? Miss Spinster-Cer-
tainly, Mr.. Goodman. l have never felt
quite able TO support husband
Epoch.
MRS. Dexter, did you put up these
preserves
"Yes, sir, flatter myself did,"
"Quite task, should say, madam"
"FrOm present observation l should
infer that 1t was much more Of task for
me to put them up than it is for you to
put them down."
A paper gave an account of society
event. and in speaking of one beautiful
lady OF quite large proportion, it said:
mrs. - possessed form that Juno
might envy" The editor went home,
and left subordinate to get out the
paper, and next morning he read in his
paper, that MRS. - possessed form
that Jumbo might envy"
Omaha Man -"Been to the women's
congress at Washington, eh? What is it
for?"
Distinguished Female ITO remove
the evils which cry aloud"
Omaha Man-"Well, it's high time.
For my part, can't see why any woman
of sense should take baby to the thea
tire, ow."-Omaha World.
The Easily Satisfied Charles-"Mam-
ma. today the teacher praised me-"
MOther-"Did he? What did he say
to your
Chsrles-"Well, he didn't exactly say
much to me, but he said to my seat
mate. You are the greatest good-for-
nothing In the whole class. even think
more OF Charles than of you. "-Fliegende
Batter,
Pompous Old Teacher Ito class in
sacred istOry)-"What weapon did old
Sampson use to kill the Philistines?''
No one remembers. Pompous Old
Teacher (who believes in suggesting an
swers, touching his chin -"What Ia
this?" Bright Boy (who takes the hint
and remembers 1t all now)-"The jaw
bone of an ass, SIR" Circus, In which
pompous old teacher and bright boy are
prinoipals.-Judge.
Inquiring Child-"What is the differ
ence between sitting up and sitting
DOWN" Pa with perfect confidence in
his ability to explain)-"Why, my child,
when somebody Is standing up, and he
seats himself, he sits down; and when he
doesn't go to bed, and sits down, he sits
up" Inquiring Childbirth, pa, If he
sits, how can he sit without sitting
down? and II he sits down, how can he
sit up?" Pa with yawning doubt OF
his ability to make 1t quite clear -"Y on
see, my child. II he sits down, why he
| mean II he sits up-go to your ma, and
don't ask me questions when Pm busy"