Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-01-11


song in Philadelphia will be, "Wh'
Will Care for Motor Now i"-Bostol
Budget.
Moses Graham, Of Texas, was rur
down and trampled upon by herd o
cattle the other day. A sort of Mos
es among the bullrushes, as it were
Tid-Bits.
Stranger-Is Mr.. Blinks in?
Hotel Clerk-Yes, he's in his room
Tell him Mr.. Schwifferwitzenouter
Front, tell 126 a gentleman from
Cincinnati wishes to see him.-Oma
ha World.
81 tell you what it is, Gus, Ara
minta's father can't appreciate us
He has no SOUL"
"Oh ! he hasn't, eh Well, if yor
had been in my place last night you'c
have thought he was all sole. e."-Har,
per's Bazaar.
First class in history stand up
Johnny, why did Napoleon return tc
France after his exile ?"
Because he didn't have enough
Elba ROOM"
Correct, Johnny 60 to the foot. ;
Washington Hatchet.
"Do you know, mamma, don't be
lieve that Solomon was so rich after
all !" observed sharp boy to his
mother. "The Bible says that Solo
man slept with his fathers Now, il
he had been rich he'd had bed tC
himself. f."-Chamber's Journal.
1--WE married women seldom have
to apply to the court for mandamus,'
said an Oil City lady.
"And why is it?" asked a gentle
man.
eve who have husbands have one
often enough. Oil City Blizzard.
do you see that man saving wood
over there ?" "Yes. What about
him ?" "He wasn't always doing such
work as that" "Has a history, eh
What did he formerly do ?" "Why
when saw him last he was splitting
wood." Nebraska State Journal.
Mr.. Villas has been transferred from
the Post Office Department to the In
terror, and Mr.. Don NJ. Dickinson has
been appointed Postmaster General.
Whenever a Cabinet officer lays of
the clothes Of his Office there is al
ways some one standing ready to Don
M.-Texas Siftings.
Mrs. Smith to Mrs. Jones servant
girl-What do you wanti
Servant Girl-Mrs. Jones sends
her regards and says would you be SO
kind as to count your children and
see if you haven got one too many,
as our Kitty hasn't come home, and
school has been out two hours.-Tex.
as Siftings.
He (ata Chicago restaurant)--There
are number of prominent people
present, Mrs. Wabash there is an
Ex-Governor and an ex-Judge and an
ex-prcsident of railroad and an ex-
District Attorney.
,She-Yes, and the gentleman talk
ing to the ex-Judge is an ex-husband
of mine.-Eastern Argus.
Getting around the lava hotel
porter, after carrying gentleman's S
trunks to his room, puts out his hand
in q manper which left no doubt in
the travellers mind as to the formers
intentions. II thought the rules of
this hotel forbade your accepting tips?"
"Yes, but there isn't any rule against
your giving any."-Paris Fargo.
A little girl in New York was in
the habit of attending the Episcopal
church, and one day she came home
and asked her mother if the prophets
were hung on the commandments: as
gifts were hung on the Christmas tree,
for she heard the minister say; "On
these two commandments hang all the
law and the prophets. ."-Babyhood.
An exchange says that folded
newspaper placed under the coat in
the small Of the back is an excellent
substitute for an overcoat. There is
considerable warmth in a newspaper,
that's afact. Many a man has be-
oomo heated by simply reading an
article in newspaper; and at such
times he wants to make il hot for the
editor too.-Norristown Herald.
A gentleman once saw boy peel
ing the bark from one of his choice
trees with hatobet, The gentleman
tried to catch the boy, but the latter
was too quick for him, so the farmer
changed his tactics.