St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-02-05
WINNOWED FROM CHAFF.
FROM PUCK.

FROM PUCK.
what are you going to say of my
iago?" asked the trembling actor OF the
great dramatic crit ic.
well, Sugarcured," said the critic,
YOU'RE friend of mine, and [ don't
want to hurt you; but your IagO was so
laundering bad that Pm afraid 1 shall
have to call it a careful and conscien-
tiOus performance"
The actor buried his face in his hands.
sit must have been awful!' he said.
Mrs. Cassidy-Why don't you come
down and see me, Mrs. M'Ginnis?
Mrs. M'Ginnis-And it's you that's
talkin', Mrs. Cassidy; and not sight
did | see of we since last Aisther! Sure,
me I'd be droppin' in every week.
sight of the apparitiOn)-It' your ante,
Mrs. Billings-No, it is not; it's his
mother! Don't you think it's about
time all you little boys were in bed?
Il. AdolphuS Pricely (who has just
made a terrific slide for life down the
icy stoop of the paternal domicile to
the sidewalk. Time, 2:30 a. N. Adj
dressing friendly cop,whO offers to help
him to rise)-Jud- g cement!
do you enjoy the sport?" asked
Commodore Rondout, of POughkeepsie,
as the iceboat luffed little.
Enjoy it? l adore itr' was Miss
Raker's reply. 81 haven't been so fast
since l was at the Pequot house, New
London, last summer"
A stranger was caught in the recent
Montana blizzard, showed under for
four days, and was about giving up
hope when rescuing party dug down
on him. As the first shovel struck
through the roof of his tomb he mOaned:
''EXcuse me, gentlemen, but if we
drink in celebration of this event
the sturdy Mortimer. as they covered
him up again, remarked in chorus:
Pack him down hard, boys! He's
from Boston,"
FROM JUDGE.
Rev. Mr.. Futinit-(calling on invalid
pariShioner)-I wish you could get over
to the grounds and see what wonderful
improvements we've made since you
were taken sick.
Parishioner feebly)-Fm glad every
thing is i'll such a prosperous condition.
PaStOr-Yes; Brother Pilgriff let the
Lord move him enough to present the
parish with new Brewster hearSe last
week, and | have heard rumors that one
of the anointed proposes to build us a
new cremato-y on that vacant lot back
of the churchyard.
De Gush VERY enthusiastically wind
ing upland believe me, my angelic idol,
that Romeo ne'er loved his Juliet as l
passionately adore thee. L am thy de-
voted slave. Say, o fair sister of Venus !!
that thou wilt be mine. and this bleed
ing heart of Cupid's dart bruised will
Maiden Gnterrupting)-Oh De GuSh,
the right end of your muStache is out of
curl.
"And how is your father, Mrs. Drew"
s'Father is not as well as usual this
winter
us there anything serious the mat
ter?"
"Well, I should say so. This is the
first time in several years that the Bugle
hasn't sent man to interview father on
the dreadful winter of 81"
Bertie-Pa, L hope grandma will die
before do, don't you?
Pa-What ON earth everput such ideas
into your head?
Bertie-Oh, have often noticed that
[ can stand trouble better than she
| can.
Salesman-Yes, sir; | will warrant
that one of those lamps will save you at
least 50per cent in oil in the course of a
year.
Long-haired Farmer-Give me two on
'em. MOught as we'll save a 100 per cent
while I'm bout it.
Two young writers were talking OF
| their hopes, their ambitions.
'If l have not made reputation by
the time Pm thirty / shall blow my
brains out" asserted one.
my dear boy" replied the other
"you're as good as dead.'
FROM EVERYWHERE.
Chicago anarchists have been pretty
quiet since the execution there a few
months ago. Hanging seems to i'm
prove anarchistS-the live as well as the
| dead Ones.-NOrriStOwn Herald.
The railroads are beginning the new
| year with bad wreckord.-DuluthP Par
agrapher.
Things are being changed. They
don't come to the man who waits any
more. The man who hustleS gets EN-
Philadelphia Call.
Of all the vice in the world respect
able vice is the worst. And how blacl
it does look when it's found out.-Nev
York Graphic.
Gradually, but surely, the world is be
ing Americanized. A Paris restaurant
advertises. ''Kakes de buckwhat du
Americana. Baltimore American.
Dr.. Oliver Wendell Holmes wants tt
know what civilization would be with
out piano. Nobody can tell, but we
shouldn't be afraid to try it for week
or sc.-Philadelphia Press.
Millionaire Huntington used to peddle
butter to the California miners. He
used to keep cows then, and through
the force of habit he has been watering
stock ever since.-New York CONNER.
cIal Advertiser.
De Faggs-A fine audience this. Why
a dog-fght would draw a bigger crowd
Gagley (wearily)-YaaS; but dog.
| fight only tires the dogs, you know -
Tid-Bits.
$50 you are to be married9' "Yes
and to the incest girl in the world
Charley, she's worth million!" ''You
don't say so! Harry, l congratulate
you, old boy!" eyes, she's worth q
million of such girls as one sees in So
ciety." "Oh!" Charley murmurs as
he goes Off, ''Poor devil, how l pity
him !'-Boston Transcript.
| When Landseer, the great animal
painter, was introduced to the king OF
! Portugal, the later, whose knowledge OF
English was strictly limited, welcomed
him with, 81 am delighted t8make youl
acquaintance, Mr.. Landseer-I am SC
fond of beastS."--W 2. Frith'S Autobi
ography.
Scientists say that the savage has 3
more acute sense Of smell than civilized
| people. When two savages get together
how they must sutfer.-Boston Tran