Barton County democrat. [volume] (Great Bend, Kan.) 1885-1915, 1888-11-08
WIT AND HUMOR.


.Another lie nailed. /" said the clerk
'as he lacked up q s'selling out at costn
! sign.-Terre Hdxtc Express.
. St Peter (sternly) Halt! Who goes
there? Beautiful spirit-O! I'm all
right. I'm from Boston. n.-7Ae Cartoon.
MIR. Van V.-An alone, see. Miss
Qulle Miss Quilt-Yes. Mr.. VanV
Il hate my own company. Miss Quilt
so do Time.
Save your old newspapers; Vour
Philadelphia friend may visit YOU some
day, and perhaps he would lie to read
the news.-Nesc York Sun.
Tom-.Do you know, Jack. that
woodpeckers reminds me of my tai1orPr
Jack-"Why?" Because he bores so
with his bnL"-Tezas Siffisgs.
Nip your dressmaker's bill. in tho
ond while there is yet time. No good
wife has a dressmaker's bill over two
yards In length.eNes0 York SUN. .
Merchant-..Well, my dear. made
an assignment this forenoon Wife,
'.Thats good, and now Clara can 90
to . boarding school, can't Shelf
Judge.
Old maids find Atheanseiyes treated
sec.
ond-hand books. They are not old
enough to be rare, and not new enough
to be dear.-Pxck. 's.e-.
A Boston woman made the tour %
Europe and came home and never even
mentioned it to her most intimatsp
friend. Dumb? Ah! You've struck
it.-Detroit Free Press.
Cousin Jack (wl,o has Just been
a Hah
they have of reading Notwithstanding
at the back! Mabel-Why, doesnS
everybody do thate-Life. f'
Husband-It takes YOU half an bos,
or more to find your pocket. doesnt
ita Wife (sweetfy)-Yes, about that.
John. dear; but it takes, you longer
than that at umes.-Epoch.
She-I do think that Mr.. Jodk;na
can sing ''See-Saw" SO divinely. IA
(slightly jealous)-He would make q
much better success of sHee-Haw" IA
hy opinion.-TerreH Haute Ezpress.
Jack-Gus, lend me dollarp Gus
(doubiously)-Well, Jack, I've onlr
got couple of dollars to nv sname.
Jack-Hou're lucky. / did think %
striking you for tvo.-Nes0 York Sun.
observation-disclosures Mrs. ", loole
ing up from her paper, LINDA. the
actress, has committed suie
eide" '.Bah!" replied Mr.. v. s.She
only did it to advertise herselks-e
Time
'.And what do you expect. to make
Of your son when he comes of are. Mr.
Snith?" 20, I don't know" replied
Mr., Smith. despondently. SCI think
he'd make good husband Tor a rich
girl. Life.
The masculine half of humanity mSH
be superior in many ways, but no man
can successfully sharpen fead pencil
With pair of scissors. Neither can %
woman, for that matter; but she thinxa
she can.-TeS1e Haute Express.
when your husband comes home
drunk" said the magistrate, sis he
agly?" "No. sorr. he's plisaak~
''Then why don't you try to smooth
matters over?" ..Oi did, sorr: Oi hf0
him wild smoothin' oirxn.s.Lifss
Biggins-You can fiatter woman
into anything. / believe. Higgins
Not quite. Lxried to make nv wife
believe that she was absolutely beaue
tiful with her mouth in repose, hut iz
wouldn't work.-zerre Hame Ezprcsse
Brown saw Dumley ahis morning
and I didn't think that he was looking
well. Robinson (grimly)-I sew him,
too, and thought he was looking ex-
tremely we'll. He'owes me IS and he
saw me three blocks off.-aNeu Fork
SnM
Miss Bruce (who has heard thai hes
hiend Miss Deering has had a falling
out with Mr.. Downey)-"Wby, d
thought, Eugenia, thst You and Dick
were solid" Miss Deering Gcily)-
20. dear. no-only plated. .Le1He Edse
toon.
3fr. aud AIRS. Jason svere engaged
in their usual evening debate. Said
he. for a clincher, '.Well, there's neuse
arguing with woman or Q jackass.e
wish had known that at the star9
and saved my BREATH said she.-Terre
Hasae Erpress.-
Bludsoe's landlady (who is. not
hrst-class provider)-Isn't it little
unusual to wear a baseball mask at
table? BludsoeI thought I'd better,
Mrs. Pilkins. was afraid I'd forget
myself and eat your little niece. some
day.-Iinse.
s'What is the writer's cramp?r asked
q Pittsburg paper. You work for six
months on asmanuscrSpt send IL of
and have it rejected FIVE or six Gmes,
figure on it to buy your winters fuel,
and you will find outall about camps.
Detroit Free Press
my DEAR" remarked husband. as
he struggled to pull off his boots, al
(hic) really think I've lost my mind"
well, John" responded tho wife.
anxiously, .'why don't you have a u1n .
croscopical examination made aod9nd
out for sure? ?'-EPoch.
Rural editor-.s'Martha. here's q big
head OF cabbage that Abe jackson left
at the Office to-day" His wife-s,Fou
ought to have kept it ut the of1ce.
Editor eWhy?" His wife Then
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