davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1888-04-20
WHY THEY HAVE NOT MARRIED

We sent out few days since a
note of inquiry to a number OF
bachelors in the city, asking them
to give us, confdentially and brief
ly for publication, the reason why
they never married. Over one
half of them have answered, aud
we give our readers some of the
causes assigned
Gam only forty.fve years old.
Consider myself too young"
"Iaven't been properly urged"
"Some other fellow married thu
girl. owe him a debt of gratitude.
She made it lively for him."
"Heard that my finance snOred,
and l broke off the engagement"
"Came very near being married
once; asked a girl and she said
no.
"Tho happiest man | ever saw
was one who had just been di-
vOrced.
81 had a friend who was married.
He sent me a book called DON'T"
81 know a man who sent in his
resignation at the club the same
day the Invitations to his wedding
were sent ont. In three months he
was reelected in the club and now
spends his evenings from 8 until
y o'clock with the boys. This
makes me wonder
Gam afraid to get married. |
know two or three young married
men who congratulate each other
when their wives 60 ont of town.
Think they ought not to do so ;
but there must be some cause"
"Find considerable difficulty in
bringing my diversed rays OF
affection to focus, owing to the
beauty and charms Of 80 many
Richmond girls.-Richmond State
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1888-04-20
Three Brothers Killed.

PARKERsDURG, w. VA, April
1.-THE fight between the Banks
and MOnrOes broke out afresh
yesterday in Wyatt county. Silds
Banks, with a Winchester, met
three Monroe brothers, they having
revolvers, on the road near Laurel
At least twenty shots we're fired
resulting in the death of the three
Monroes, while Banks received
four wounds, none of them fatal.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1888-04-20
nR A. MA II TIN,
nR. B. T. MAPHIS 4 BRO.
nanf7s.fG

OTTIoEs Woodstock and saumsville, Virginia.
In Woodstock lst and 3rd weeks Of each
mODth. In Saumsville end and 4th weeks.
Those in need Of first-class Dentistry at
moderate prices, will do we'll TO call.
Full sets Of artificial teeth from 500 to
$500, $500 and 5000.
Pure gold filings from sl.25 to $1,000
Silver filings from 70 cts. to $500.
Artificial teeth put mp on solid gold,
gold and cellelOid combination, cellelOid
and rubber plates.
Gold and porcelain riveting, clasps, &c.
Special attention given to filling and pre-
serving the natural teeth, and correcting
the Irregularities. All work warranted first
class Teeth extracted absolutely without
pain by the use Of Nitrous Oxide Gas.
May -, 's4-tf
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1888-04-20
BOASTTNG TOO SOON.
BY AID II. GIBSON.

The haze of a delightful Indian
summer day fell mellOwly over the
landscape.
The passengers on the east-bound
express had raised the windows to
drink in the balmy, slumberous air.
There was not a vacant seat in
the coach, and two passengers got
on at F. station.
They were ladies'; one an old
lady, remarkably plain dressed
Her companion was young girl
Of Il. She was very pretty, but
her dress was most plain and unat-
tractive. She carried a shawl and
several packages in her arms.
They paused near two young
men, who occupied separate seats.
The first one made no motion to
remove his OvercOat and handbag
of crocodile leather, though the Ia
dies stopped before him and the
younger said:
"Here, mother, thi,i gentleman
Will evidently let you have a seat
by him, as the coach is so crowd
ed.n
The young man locke d up, and
his lip curled very supOrciliously
under bis blonde mustac he, as he
said rather crustlly:
"Seat's engaged. a man TO fill
it before long"
"Here, ladies, please accept this
seat" and the young gentleman
seated directly behind him, arose
with sachel IN hand, to give mp the
seat which he occupie d.
"Oh, sir, l do not ] ike to deprive
you Of your seat" returned the
girl.
Before the young man could re-
ply the train gave sudden move
ment. The old lady would have
been precipitated to the floor had
not a pair of stron g arms caught
her. With gentle yet firm hands
the young man st eadied her steps
until she was con afOrtably seated
IN his vacated sea {.
AS the girl san ( into the seat by
her mothers sid G, she said in {
sweet voice:
81 thank you very much sir"
The young ma bowed politely
and started to fl nd himself another
seat.
"Here, Ed,' called the yOunl
man who had been so rude to thu
ladies. "You may sit by me. III
deuced unplei Isant travelling alone,
and he removed his baggage t
make room.
As Elwin was slowing away bis
sachel the other whispered ia his
ear, yet loud enough to be heard
by the ladies seated behind them
''I don't care to share my seat will
a PuritaTlicaI-lOOking old lady"
"You could at least have shOwr
little more courtesy Edwin re-
turned with a fash of his fine brown
eyes. The discOurteOus young man
gave n careless laugh and said:
81 always make it a habit never
to waste pOIlteness on ordinary per
sOns.p
"You may make a mistake some
time, Charles Elder, il you follow
out such a habit" replied -EdwiI
Baxter.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1888-04-20
POLYGAMY ABANDONED.
WHAT THE TWELVE MORMON
APOSTLES SAY.

SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH, April.
-12.-The annual conference OF
the Mormon Church, which has
closed a four days session, brought
people from all the states and
territories where there are Nor.
mons. The feature of the occasion
was an epistle. signed by WlltOrd
Woodruff in behalf OF the twelve
apostles, which differs materially
in tone from similar papers issued
by his predecessor. 1t is an ex-
hortation to the people to live pure
lives, being simply such an epistle
as any bishop or pastor Of Chris.
tian congregation might present to
his flock. The late president, John
Taylor, used to make use of these
epistles to advocate polygamy and
argue its righttulness by reference
to the Old Testament and the al
legged Mormon revelations, but
President Woodruff has ignored
the subject, evidently being deter
mined to keep the church in line
with the movement inaugurated a
year ago to abolish the plural wife
system. A significant circumstance
is the fact that during the confer.
ence a young elder from the coun-
try named ClawsOn, being called to
the pulpit, spoke in favor of con.
tinuing the practice of polyamy,ever
since which deep indignation has
been expressed by the public, and
interviews with leading Mormons
proves that they are as deeply
chagrlned by the young mans
reckless and unauthorized utter
ances as others. The elder is
openly censured, and his advocacy
of poIygamy denounced by promi-
nent churcbmen as we'll as by tAe
public, which believed that in view
of the fact that the practice had
not been preached since the adop'
tion last year of the proposed state
constitution forbiding it that the
last of its advocacy had been
heard. The sensation which Claw
sons utterances occasioned and
the earuestness with which his dis
course is condemned and repudi-
sted go far to prove that the
Mormons are sincere in their decla-
rations in the press and on the
witness stand that they have
abandoned polygamy. The absence
of any mention Of it in Mr.. Wood
ruff's epistle is favorably comment
ed on by the masses of Mormons
and by the Gentiles, who begin to
believe that the Saints are sincere
in their professions, especially as
there is no evidence Of polyga'
nous marriage having taken place
for moro than a year. The real es-
tate and immigration bOoms con-
time. Tue MOrmans and Gentiles
are working harmoniously to bring
in people and give an impetus to
the growth and development OF
Salt Lake City.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1888-04-20
WAIT JUST A MINUTE y
SOME THINGS THAT LITTLE MIN
UTE MEANS.

UTE MEANS.
"Well, well, don't fret, I'll be there
in a minute"
Bat, my friend, a minute means a
good deal, Notwithstanding you af-
feet to holl it OF no consequence
Did you ever stop to think what
may happen in a minute 7 No.
We'll, while you are numbering a
minute for yourself and one for me,
before you get ready to sit down to
the business we have IN hand, |
will amuse you by telling you some
things that will happen meantime.
In minute we shall be whirled
around on the outside of the earth
by its diurnal motion, a distance of
l3 miles. At the same time we
shall have gone along with the
earth, in its grand journey around
the sun, 1880 miles. Pretty quick
travelling, you sayi Why, that is
slow work compared with the rate
of travel of that ray Oflight, which,
just now, reflected from that mir.
ror, made you wink. A minute ago
that ray was II, 100000 miles away.
In minute, over all the world,
about so newborn infants have
each raised a wall of protest at the
fates for thTusting existence upon
them, while as many more human
beings, weary with the struggle OF
life, have opened their lips to utter
their last sigh.
In a minute the lowest sound
your ear can catch has been made
by 900 vibrations; while the high
est tone reached you after making
2,22S,000 vibrations.
In minute an express train goes
a mile, and street car 80 rods ;
the fastest trotting horse LAT 9.13
rods, and an average pedestrian of
the genus homo has got over 16
rods.
In each minute, in the United
States, night and day, all the year
round, 2l barrels of beer have to
90 down 1906 throats, and 1880
bushels of grain have come to BIN.
How about national finances
Well, sir, in the same way, each
minute, night and day, by the Of
fclal reports for 1886, the United
States collected S639 and spent
$46l, or $17S more than necessary.
The interest on the public debt
was 800 a minute, or just exactly
equal to the amount of silver mined
in that time.
The telephone is used 595 times,
the telegraph 1876 times. OF to-
bacco, 92j pounds has been raised,
aud part of it has been in making
6,G73 cigars, and some more of it
has gone up in the smoke Of 1922
cigarettes.
But am afraid you will forget
that we are talking about a minute,
60 seconds, of time. NOl Well,
then every minute, 800 pounds OF
wool grow in this country, and we
have to dig 81 tons of anthracite
coal, and 200 tons OF bltuminous
coal, while OF pig iron we turn out
1 IL tons and of steel rails three
tons.
In this minute you have kept me
waiting Is kegs of nails have been
made, II bales OF cotton should
have come from the fields, and 80
bushels of grain gone into 149
gallons of spirits, while 500 IN gold
have been dug out OF the earth
In the same time the United States
mints have turned ont gold aud
silver coin to the value OF Sl2l and
~ acres of the public domain have
been sold or given away.-Ciere'
land Press.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1888-04-20

AT a teachers examination in
Jones county, Iowa, in answer to
the question, "What is hygiene 7"
a young lady applicant for a certit-
icate to teach school answered ;
at is the soft spot on the top of
the baby's head which gradually
becomes harder as the baby grows
Older.p
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1888-04-20

a small boy of Springfield,
Mass, went to the grocery 20 get
some things for his mother, but
when he tried to recall one of the
articles he couldn't think of the
name. He said that it was yellow,
and in various ways tried to give
the clerk an idea of what he want
ed, and finally in desperation
blurted out: "Wby, you know
what mean-that stuff they bnrn
in hell y Then the clerk got him
the sulphur that he wanted, and
the orthodox child went home
happy.
N..t,.,.,l., T,r tho IInnArn nnlv
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1888-04-20
BIdcksmithing.

Having returned to my shop, at the old
stand, am prepared to do blacksmithing
in all its branches and in the best manner.
will pay special attention to ironing
wagons, agricultural implements, repair
ing machinery, &c. EY-All work done in
the very best manner and at the shortest
notice.
Hoping to merit and receive your custom
/ am respectfully, &c,
LEWIS CRISSMAN,
april. 22-1y.1 Edinburg, Va.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1888-04-20

The new style Of hustle now be-
ing introduced is simply immense.
II ia said that woman is the most
beautiful structure ever conceived
by the Supreme Architect, but it is
extremely doubtful if Deity would
recognize his own handlwork in
the person of a fullrigged society
lady of the present day.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1888-04-20

The most unique verdict ever
rendered by a coroner's jury was
that found ont West recently in
the case OF a man who hanged
himself by his suspenders to the
bed.post. Alter viewing the body
and hearing the evidence the jury
found "That the deceased came to
his death by coming home drunk
and mIstakIng himself for bis
pants"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1888-04-20

A pupil of an Illinois LADIES'
seminary recently rose In her place
and announced the title of her
weekly composition to be "The
Bustle eTrembling Upon It's Throne"
when the class teacher suppressed
her by ordering her to take her
seat,
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1888-04-20
PATENTS

obtained for new inventions, OF for i'm
proyements in old ones, Caveats I3fringe
ments, Trade Marks and all patent bust
ness promptly attended TO.
INVENTIONS THAT HAVE BEEN
REJECTED may still. in most cases, be
patented by us. Being opposite tue U. s.
Patent Office and, engaged in Patent
business exclusively, we can secure pat.
ents in less time than those who are 70
mote from Washington.
When inventors send model OF sketch
we make search in the Patent Office, aud
advise As to its patentabillty, free Of
charge. Correspondence confidential /;
fees reasonable, and no charge unless
patent is obtained.
We refer by permission to the Citl
Postmaster, aud to the Superintendent oi
The Post Office Money Order Division Ia
Washington. For special references,
circular, advice, terms, &C., address
G. A. SNOW & CO.,
Opposite Psent Office Washington. d. g
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1888-04-20

A dude who was visiting friends
in the country complained of eggs.
"Thcy are" said he, "lacking in
flayaw, compared to our city eggs
they are rathaw insipid, aw ~
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1888-04-20
AM OUT AGAIN.

All persons having stumps on their
premises that they want taken out, OF
farmh cleaned, will do well to call ON OF
address A. NJ. EVANS,
ano- 13-3m. Edinburg Va
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1888-04-20

Mill Rewarded are those who read
R1nnlV this and then act they will
Hull lind ind, honorable hon a, ,, employment 9Elo go
their homes and families. The profits are
large and sure for every industrious per
son, many have made and are now making
several hundred a month. II Is easy for
anyone to make s. and upwards per day,
who 10 willing to work. Either sex, young
or old (: capital not needed we start you.
Everything new. No special ability re-
quired you, reader, can do it as well as
any one. Write to us 40 once for full par
ticulars, which we mail free. Address
Stinson Il Co, Portland Maine.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1888-04-20

This quiet hotel has been re6tted and
refurnished throughout, and now offers to
all the comforts OF acozy home.
The table will be supplied with every
thing 70 please the inner man.
lV@The bar is supplied with the best
qualities Of fine wines, liquors, beer cigars,
&C., &c.
TV~A frst-class Livery and Feed Stable
attached. May Is 'S7-tf.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1888-04-20
SHENANDOAH HEhfLD
ADVERTISING RATES.

One column, Ole year 10000
half b0f0
Quart. = $500
Eighth" " 1900
One square Que year, lc,OO
Local Notices perlineoveil00, Ects
4" less {" lOcts
Legal ads. squares W. $50
Additional squares, LOO
Sales not exceeding $50. l4w.) 3te
Additional {" 100
Observation-Disclosures in. each
All other squares inch.
Professional cards, l So. ons year, 10 90
Number ofInsertions must be marked on
manuscript or they will be charged until
forbid.
No local notices inserted for less than 25c
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1888-04-20

Subscribe for the HERALD, Only
$50 per annum, in advance.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-08-28
A Remarkable Breakfast
FY,om the Nerc YORK sun.

One of the most remarkable breakfasts in the
history of Delmonico'S was eaten yesterday by
a fragment Of the original party. clever
literary woman, who is also capricious and
headstrong, was the hostess She invited q
German baron to meet an Englishman who is
visiting here and who had letters of introduc-
tion to her. She wrote both of them, appoint
ing noon as the hour. and promptly on time the
baron and the Englishman walked into Del
monicos, sat down among the hat boys and
stared at each other covertly. Each suspected
the identity of the other. They waited for one
hour, but not a trace OF hostess turned up.
At o'clock the husband of the lady hustled in,
looked around eagerly, made some inquiries,
glanced in an inquirlng way at the two hugry
and astonished guests, jumped into a cab and
drove home. TIL n the baron presented his card
to the Englishman. and the two men went in
together to breakfast. Shortly after this the
husband returned and sat down in forsaken
way at distant table. When he had finished
his hasty meal he hung around for awhile, and
then, walking over to the table where the
others were, he announced his name and said:
My wife doesn't seem to DO here, does she?''
II hope she is not i'll, ~ said the Baron courte-
ousfy
so do l." said the husband anxiously, "she
has been stopping in the country for few
days, visiting about, you know. I've rather
lost track of her She wired me this morning
to meet me here"
He drifted aimlessly out On the corner a cab
passed. returned, and overlook him. Within
was the wife in a towering rage She had waited
two hours at the Hoffman house, and nothing
could convince ner that the meeting had not
been arranged for that place instead of Del
lnOnlcO's
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-08-28
BRIGHT BITS.

A BOYS description of having a tooth pulled
expresses it about as well anything we have
seen: Just before it killed me the tooth came
out y Exchange.
SHE-Oh Arthur, what do the poor cowboys
| in Texas do when they want girl to talk tor
He-Give it up. Use their lassos, probably
| NeD Haven Netcs.
We fear that the philosopher who said that
| Indies who wear unusually rich gowns keep
| their husbands unusually poor gave voice to O
| great truth.-Hdrper'S Bazaar.
SARATOGA BELLE-You would scarcely believe
| It., Mr.. Oldboy but the lady seated near the
I open window has over 200 dresses.
| Mr. Oldboy-Is it pos5ibleY Why doesn't she
put one of EN- on?-RichjteLd Netcs
| THE best position in which to sleep having
| boon discussed, it is now asked what is the
worst position in which to sleep. We say, with
out hesitation il is the position of fiagman on a
railroad-Sdn francisco alta.
''WHERE did young Browne get his money,
| papa?"
From his uncle, old Sam Brown. He in
| herited everything he has in the world, except
| the Anal e to bis name Life.
A RUSSIAN PHYSICIAN says strychnine is sure
| cure for drunkenness. So are paris green
arsenic, prussc acid, rough on rats ana cor
rosive sublimate, if administered in sufficient
| quantities Let the good work go on.-Jutlge
"YEs, boys" said old Bellows, proudly beat
| ing his breast, I've been q soldier il my time
scripture, l could ever scent the battle from
Rfar."
II s'pose, yentured young Paperwate ''that
on many occasions that saved your life Life
BOBBY had reluctantly kissed his sister good
| night aud was off for bed.
"Don't you go TO bed rather early, Bobby"
| inquired young Mr., Sampson, ITS but little
| past 8.
Il have to go to bed early on the nights YOU
| call on sister," explained Bobby; "she makes
/ me "-NetG York SLfL.
PA-what would you like to b when you
| grow up, Johnny
JOHNNY think I'll be soldier.
you might get killed"
"Who by?'
by the enemy, of course"
"Well, then, l guess / had better be the
enemy."-TeraS Siftings.
BARK1Ns-My speech went Off like a breeze.
| All the good points were recognized immedi-
ately.
Candidus-Yes, noticed that. / recognized
! those you took from Jefferson and Jackson and
Samuel j. Tilden at once. Next time you speak
| you ought to get points that people won't recog-
nize so easlly.-Hdpper's Bdzdr.
| A NOTED Sunday school worker living In Kan
sas was once asked to talk to the children of a
| Sunday school ON the subject of temperance.
| He is very earnest in the cause. and wears q bit
Of blue ribbon as a badge of his principles.
| Rising before the school he pointed to his bit
| OF blue ribbon and said: Now, can any of you
| children give me a reason why l am not a
| drunkard?"
There was no reply for a moment; then a
childish little voice in the rear Of the room piped
ont:
''Cause this is prohibition youths
| Companion.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-08-28
smugglers and the Power

There are rumDrs that smuggling is car
r1ed on quite extensively along the colst OF
Florida. The smuggl"d goods, if the runners
are correct, are brought from Havana in
small sailing vessels which can slip into the
bay along the coast and land their cargoes
without mnch fear of detection.
Assuming that these rumoTs are correct,
does not this smuggling business expose the
people of Florida to very great Iiskl The
sfiu Cling. if carried on at al, is, of course,
carried on throughout the year, and the
Snug Tlers are much more likely to intro
dGce the yellow fever into the state from
Havana than the steamers plying between
| Havana, Key West and Tampa.
The steamers are required TO obey strict
sanitary regulations. Every pre- autiou is
taken to keep them free from fever. From
May l 10 Nov. / only acclimated persons
are permitted to travel on them, ard they
do not remain in Havana harbor over night.
In fact, they are extremely careful to avoid
| danger in their communication with the
shore while in that harbor Bat how about
the smugglers, DO they aiopt any precau.
tions against the fever? Do they enforce
DtdlUD Ttysuiab!cuS WIlnUeNeI!
1t is settled beyond question that a Snug
gle.' introduced the yellow fever into
Tampa. Who can say that it was not in
| PRODUCED into Maratee in the same ways
| IL smuggiers are responsible for the fever
that is now epidemic in Jacksonville, and
which was epidemic in Tampa last season,
is it not reasonable to suppose that they
will introduce it into Florida again if their
business is not checkedg
Florida is not protected against the fever
in Havana by simply preventing its en-
trance into the state by one of the avenues
of communication. All the avenues must
be guarded Those by which, it is alleged.
the smugglers enter, are the most danger
Gus. There is nothing to prevent the en-
trance OF the yellow fever through them.
The smugglers are not quarantined, and
their vessels are not fumigated. They are
free to go and come as they please, and, as
they take great risks because they are
engaged in an unlawful business, it is per-
fectly safe to say that they would not hest
tate to land yellow fever patient in Flor
ida if they should happen to have one on
any of their vessels.
The government should make a careful
investigation of these runors relative to
smugglers, and if it finds there is any foun-
dation for them, it should at once adopt
vigorous measures to put a stop to the
smuggling business. 1t should enforce the
laws, not only to protect the revenues of
the government, but also to protect the peo-
pie of Florida against dreadful disease.