Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-02
WIT AND HUMOR.
The clinic student knows that pills
Are not divisible from pelf;
The rule of medicine is this
physician. heel thyself."

Jul Lueit li1thCo lloCCihC'- t@Jo'
There is not much color to gin, yet
it can scarcely be called sober tint.
Epoch.
Many a homely, unattractive girl
gets husband on account of her pa
value.-LJe.
It is the shop pie that often furnishes
the piece that passeth understanding,
AltG California.
The bucket-shops are kicking the
bucket. They are dead and have no
futures. -Picayuue.
Charity may cover a multitude of
sins, but it is not its regular business.
-Hebrea0 Standard.
E.No ma am" said a grocer to an APP
plicant for credit, Il wouldn't even
trust my own feelings"
Responsibility is like a rowing dog.
1t seldom rests where it belongs
Nea0 Orleans Picayuaoe.
There is big difference between get
ting on we'll in life and getting well
on in life.-Harper'S Bazar.
There is rotation in Office, and then
again there is potation in office. Both
are common.-NeoO HaUela NeaOS.
Real estate is worth 81, 900 a foot in
Chicago, but it must be remembered
that it is Chicago foot.-Arc0Ia Rec
Brd.
Hugh Conway's friends think that
the posthumous works of the deceased
novelist show more fire than the 9TH
ers.-LJe.
The latest monstrosity story comes
from Kentucky, where man has been
discovered who drinks nothing but
cold tea.-NebraSba State Journal.
A Western Anarchist on hearing that
man is 90 per cent water went into his
room and blew his brains out. He
could not stand the disgrace.-LYe.
Fred-I'm surprised at Browns
SANDERS, for | supposed he thought
everything of me. Ned-So he does
everything that's bad.-T1d-BitS.
Ruskin says, ''Man should rescm-
BILE river" Some men do, in one re-
spect at least. Tho biggest part of
them is their mouth.-H0teL Gazette.
Nothing worth calling good can or
ever will be started full-grown," says
Macdonald, and it may be so, but how
about sneeze? Journal Of Educa-
ton.
Irate student - ''Don't you ever
sweep under the bed, I'd like to know?"
Calm "Goody"-'I always do; I
prefer it to a dustpan. "-HarUard
Lanepoon.
We have an impression that Uncle
Sam will give Dame Columbia set of
diamonds and Il sealskin sack, and
that will reduce the surplus-you bet
--Judge.
A little child, eating her breakfast,
asked her mother to remove the
''bark' from her sausage. She limited
at q great canine truth very closely.
So. AibGHS 4dUertiSer.
The doctor-WeII, perhaps, Mrs
Birmingham, you eat between meals?
Mrs. 60, no, sab; 'cept, Oh course,
4 eat diLlah tween breakfas' an sup
per, and SO on.-Harper's Bazar.
''The Horrors of Whaling heads
an article in the PoSt-EIpreSS. The
average American boy could write a
big book upon that subject Himself
in the hold and his father at the
spanker. -DanUjlle Breeze.
Sympathetic friend (to widow
Your husbands death was terrible
one Mrs. Bently. Widow (sadly)-
All, yes! Poor John was kind hus-
band, but lie didn't know MUCH about
buzz saws.-NelO YOrG Sun.
In the high school of 1900: Principal
-''Who was first in war, first in peace,
and first in the hearts of his country
menP" Chorus by the entire school,
standing and with uncovered heads
John Lawrence Sullivan"
Mrs. Dumpsey-Our Bessie is the
brightest little child you ever saw!
She picks up everything she hears.
Mrs. Notwithstanding like our
Willie. He picks up everything he
sees.-BG,r5iagton Free Press.
Robbie-Mamma, doesn't it make
your hands warm to spank me? Mann
ma-Why, yes, Robbie, it does. Rob
b.e-Wouldn't it do just as well then,
mamma, to go and hold 'em over
the register? Darlington Free Press.
Nervous lady passenger Gin the
train, after passing temporary
..YiG@e) THANK goodness, we are
nov on terra-hrma!' Facetious gen
tleman-''Yes, ma'am; less terror and
more frmer." - Manufacturing Ga
zette.
Brand-new poker joke-Two old
sports accustomed to catch the
Granger at poker are playing against
one another. Il call you. What We
gotP" -Four aces" whats yer out
side card? I've four aces myself. -
San Francisco Chronicle.
Two Chicago men once started on a
wager to see who could tell the big
gest lie. One of them began. "A
gentleman from St. Louis" stop
right there" said the other man, land
take your money. ] can't 90 ahead of
that. Journal Of Education.
A writer in a November magazine
suggests that a prize of 500, 900 be of
fered to any one who will find means
of communication with the lower ami
mails. 1t would be cheaper safer
to get girl whose father does not
keep lower animals.-N0rrtStoiU Her
aid
Two friends met in the Omaha depot
the other day, one from Chicago and
the other from Los Angeles. where
are you going?" asked the latter.
t'Going to Los Angeles to spend the
winter. And you?' I'm going to
spend the winter in Chicago, replied
the Los Angeles man.-TeraS SJtjngs,
The kind of wife to have: Mr.. Del
Blaise--''Siamese princh r'ceps'ionsh,
p-pet. Itsh tritle late" Mrs. Del
Blaise-Yes dear boy, it's nearly 5.
After | find out in this next chapter
80 lnLn,. INn-,,.,,.-f ]