The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-01-19
"COME BACK WILHELMINA!''
G. William Nye Takes an Amusing Eau
Out of the Servant Girl Question.
Bill Nye has an attack of the servant
Girl and emitS this SorrOWing screed:

Bill Nye has an attack of the servant
! girl and emits this sorrOwing screed:
/ DERSONAL-wILL THE YOUNG WOMAN
rected proof at our pie foundry for two days
| and then jumped the game on the evening
with us please come back or write TO q Park
Row, saying where she left the crackers and
cheese!
Come back, Wilhelmina, and be our
little sunbeam once more. Come back
and cluster around our hearthstone at
SO much per cluster.
If you think best, we will quit hav-
ing company at the house. especially
people who do not belong to your set.
We will also strive, oh, SO hard. to
make it pleasanter for you in every
way. If we had known four or five
years ago that children were offensive
to you it would have been different.
But it is too late now. All we can do
now is to shut them up In barn and
feed them through a knot-hole. If
they shrek loud enough to give pain
to your throbbing brow, let no one
know, and we will overcome any false
sentiment we may feel towards them
and send them to the Tombs.
Since you went away we can see how
wicked and selfish we were and how
little we considered your comfort.
We miss your glad smile, also your
Tennessee marble cake and your slat
pie. We have learned a valuable les
son since yop went away. and it is
that the blame should not have rested
on one alone. 1t should have been di-
vided equally, leaving me to bear half
of it and my wife the other half
Where we erred was in dividing up
the blame on the basis of tenderloin
steak or peach cobbler, compelling you
to bear half of it yourself This win
not work Wihelmina. Blame and pre-
serves do not divide up on the same
basis. We are now in favor of what
may be called sliding scale. We
think you will like this better.
We also made great mistake in the
matter of nights out While Young,
l formed the wicked and pernicious
habit of having nights out mvself. /
painted for the night air, and would
60 long distance and stay out long
time to get enough of it for a mess and
then bring it home in a paper bag, but
/ can see now that it is time for me to
remain indoors and give young peo-
like yourself chance, Wilhelmina.
So if can do anything evenings
while you are out that will assist you,
such as stoning raisins or neighbor-
ing windows, command me. am no
cook, of course, but | can peel apples,
or grind coffee. or hold your head for
you when you need sympathy. Icould
also soon learn to do the plain cook
ing, think, and friends who come to
see us after this have agreed to bring
their dinners.
There is no reason why harmony
should not be restored among US and
the old sunlight come back to our roof
tree.
Another thing l wish to write before
1 close this humiliating personal. 1
wish to take back my harsh and bitter
words about your singing. / said that
you sang like shingle mill. but / was
mad when / said it, and / wronged
you. was maddened by hunger and
you told me that mush and milk was
the proper thing for a brain worker,
and you refused to give me any dope
on my dumpling. Goaded to madness
by this l said that you sang like q
shingle mill, but it was not my better,
higher nature that spoke. 1t was my
grOsser and more gastric nature that
asserted itself and l now desire to take
it back. You do not sing like shin
gle mill; at least so much as to mis-
lead a practical ear.
Your voice has more volume, and
when your upper register is closed is
mellower than any shingle-mill ever
heard.
Come back, Wilhemina. We need
ycu every hour.
After you went away we tried to set
the bread as we had seen you do it.
but it was not q success. The next
day it came off the nest with litter
of small, sallow rolls which would
easily resist the action of acids.
If you cannot come back. will you
please write and tell me how you are
getting along and how you contrive to
insert air-holes into homemade breade
Bill Nye.