Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-06-20


The young artist sent abroad learns
first to draw drafts on his father
Star.
Wouldn't it be sweet revenge tC
lick the Sugar Trust.-Burlingtor
Free Press.
A young woman who married @
one-legged man says it doesn't take
much to make her husband hopping
mad.-Illustrated Pacific States.
There are said to be hundreds oi
patents on bustles in the Patent Office
at Washington. We'd like to see 8
hustle that isn't patent these days
Elk.
at is a curious world" my barber
said yesterday; nobody amt satisfied
The last man but one in my chair
made me brush and grease his curly
hair till it was straight, and the next
man to him made me curl his straight
hair. San Francisco Argonaut.
Mr.. Porcine (to Chicago art dealer
/ like that picture pretty well 'cept
for one thing"
Dealer-What is the defect, sir?
Taint painted heavy enough. II
you can have the feller what done il
put another coat on I'll take it.-Ex
Captain, can you tell me what time
we will get into port
do not think it will be very long,
madam.
am so anxious to get ashore that
| feel that it would take an age.
1t will, madam, it will-pilot-age
Ocean.
John, dear, do they play base ball
by electricity?
Why, of course not. What made
you think of such a thing?
Oh, nothing only saw in the pa
per that the Boston Baseball Club
paid $4,000 for a battery.-Chicago
News.
Don't you know Cholly, that Miss
Prude is the most modest girl | ever
saw ?"
"How so ?"
Because she actually doesn't like
to go up the companionway. She
says it embarrasses her so to face a
stare. Ocean.
Amateur Farmer Showing pet Jer-
sey bull to friend from the city, who
persists in staying on the other side
of the fence Hes perfectly gentle,
George. See him come to me when
/ call him.
Friend from City-Oh, yes; he
does that all right for me, too, but
the trouble is he doesn't mind when
| tell him to go away.-Life.
Did you go to church yesterday
No.
Why not
Well, my hearing is so bad that
there's no use in going. Can't under
stand what the preacher says.
BY the way, Quimby is going to
give great speech tonight. He'll
roast the administration brown.
Is that so? III have to hear that |!
Journal.
Mr.. Lightweight-The brigands are
very bold in their operations in Gu
ba now, the paper says. They carry
off prominent citizens and demand
enormous ransoms for them.
Mrs. Lightweight-Indeed
Yes, indeed! Now, suppose went
to Cuba and they got hold Of me,
what ransom do you think they would
demand ?
Well, guess about ID cents would
let you out.-Texas Siftings.
Cubleigh at the bar of the Victo-
ria Hotel as a stranger passes in)-
Queeah fweak. What the devil is it,
bawtendew?
Observation-Disclosures Lord Grosven-
or. He's stopping here.
Good God Why didn't you tell
me befaw ?
Tell you what before :
That Gwovnow was putting up
heah. Demmit and me dwinking
bwandy, too. Open me bottle of
Baws, and give il to me in the pew
taw.-Town Topics.
There lived in the West a youth
who, early in life, gave his practical,
nnambitious parents much concern by
threatening to become poet He
refused to perform ordinary farm du-
lies, and spent much of his time com
posing very jingly rhymes. He was
pot very strong, and grew thinner
and paler as he grew older. Finally
his mother paid visit to celebrated
physician living in distant city, and
when asked what seemed TO be the
matter with the boy, she said
"Well, 1 don't know ez / ken egg
zactly tell YOU. doctor. but I've an