Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1888-12-20
Christmas Eve at the Whiteheads.

Christmas Eve at the Whiteheads.
my love-" said Mr.. Simeon White
head, IA he sat before the fire on
Christmas Eve, ''thls is q glad and
joyful time; time TO draw fond hearts
nearer TO each other and make them
throb in loving unison"
YES, Simmy," said his wife.
"And withal," he went on oracular-
ly, lit is a rollicking, merry time, and
just to carry out the spirit of the hour.
let's hang up our stockings"
90, what fun" chiFped Mrs. White
lead, ''though l haven't thing for
you, Simmy dear, so you mustn't be
disappointed" with delusive smile.
So with many childish gurgles OF
glee, they went off TO bed arm in arm.
leaving what looked like long black
| sausage-bag suspended from the Chin
ney-piece by the side of a short striped
sock with hole in the heel.
In the silent watches OF the night.
Mr.. Simeon Whitehead sneaked guilt
lily down stairs with a sealskin sacque
under his arm. He CROPPED his way to
the yawning black stocking, and there
ensued wild and Intellectual struggle
to stuff in the sacque, but though he
rolled it into its smallest possible COM
pass and stretched the sausage-bag TO
the form of n peck measure, 1t was
clearly hopeless case, and wiping
his prespiring face with n convenient
portion of his attire, he hung the gar
ment on the chimncy-piece and left it.
| hugging himself as he thought OF tho
| surprise it would create in the morn
| ing, for he whot not that the descend
ant of Eve who shared his joys, had
opened his drawer with a false key and
torn hole in the paper wrapping with
a hairpin.
Meantime Mrs. Whitehead awoke.
and taking tiny white box from I'M
der her pillow, slipped stealthily out
of the room.
At the top of the stairs she came in
violent collision with her husband
coming up, and with womanly pres
ence of mind she grasped his bushy
beard and screamed, "Burglars' Muir
der! Simmy!"
Taken of his guard and his feet at
the same time, Mr.. Whitehead sudden
ly sat down, and his wife clinging to
him desperately, they coasted together
down the stairs, landing in n confused
heap at the bottom.
A loose carpet-rod had played havoc
with his abbreviated garment, and
scraped the porous plaster and con-
siderable portion of epidermis from his
back
As he struggled to his feet with
volley of choice explosives, his wife.
who had escaped without scratch,
recognized the familiar tones and
cried. 90, Simmy, are you hurt?'
Hurt? mol Dangfest it, mo-"
hopping wildly about in an agony OF
pain, 'its rare sport 10 be used as a
toboggan by fat old porpoise that
weighs three hundred! Perhaps you
will inform me, madam, where the
humorous part of this performance
comes in" for Mrs. Whitehead had
turned up the gas, and now stood gig
Cling Historically mt his capers.
"Must you stand there like a dang
tested idiot, because you've knocked
your husband down stairs and peeled
his blasted back for him? Took ms
for a condemned burglar, did your
Well, if ever burgle in this way again
YOU may have the rest of my blanc
skin.
80, Simmy, dear, don't swear You
said Christmas was Il joyful, loving
time"
Il did, did l? We'll, amt we enjoy
ing il? Amt we out in full dress in
! IL. .1.i11
at his tattered garments. Haven't L
sacrificed half yard Of cuticlesO make
this thing bowling success9 Want
to try another whirl? Perhaps I'm
too slow for you. Maybe you'd like
to rig me up with a set Of wheels and
an air-brake for "a dangfested roller
coaster. Anything to carry out These
Joyous festivities in rafting style.
There, madam" he continued, kicking
the sacque savagely about the room,
there's the condemned institution
that has brought such an overflow OF
JOY into this family. There's the last
blame Christmas present you'll ever
get from me. There's the dangfested
article Here he kicked the table
leg. He didn't injure the table leg
but spoiled the shape of his largest
corn, and he limped grooming upstairs.
"Simmy, dear" his wife called soft
ly after him, "shall i come up and
battle your poor back with arnicag'
but vicious slam of the door was the
only reply, so she tried the effect of
the sealskin sacque over her robe de
mutt and said, as she paraded before
the glass, Il don't care, he can't take
this back, any way, and if he won't
have the diamond stud, I'll trade it for
bracelet Siftings.