The Hawaiian gazette., 1888-05-22
A LAND LUBBERS LETTER
vOyagers on the Pacific While Away
the Hours with Literary
Entertainment.

The following paper was read at an
entertainment given by the saloon
passengers on board the Zealandia on
her last trip from the Coast:
Dear Uncle Bill and Aunt Betsy
Sense last l shook your hands and sot
my foot onto the gallant zealandia I
have larnt many things didn't know
of before. There's just lots of things
in this world what amt writ in books
and I've seed some of EN- lately and if
I see enuf of EN- I may make book.
Bigger fools nor I have done it, and
made money too.
One thing I've larned is that on this
atom airth is a mighty ocean, on this
mighty atom of an ocean, is the least
speck of a powerful ship, on this lone
ship is an infinitesimal passenger
that's me. Last night looked at the
mighty ship, over the wide, wide sea,
up to the stars, and beyond to God the
maker, and l never, thought l want
ed a microscope to to find myself.
But l sot myself down to tell you how
l like my trip. Well in the first place,
the pesky ship is all long, and no wide,
so much so that us who ride on front
had to say good bye and start on to
make room fer another settlement of
people to git on, when the hind end
came up. Both ends got started the
same day though. The Zealandia, she
is called, is natural PAGER, that is,
racking, or rolling, as they call it, is
her best gate, and asked the Capn.
to turn her broadside to Australia and
let her roll there, she'd beat saw log
down hill. But he said that want the
way to do it, and that there is more
money in turning folks half way over
and lettin EN- back, than in turnin of
EN- clean over, and he is right, we
couldn't keep money in our pockets.
| And they have man called the Purser
who picks up all the loose purses and
pockets them for sure, so a rocky boat
pays best. But we get even with EN-
| in eatin. Them donutS and saSSage
you give US aint no count, We'll save
them till vittles git scarcer The
cooks call feller up in the mornin,
and keep him up nights to eat, and
keep him at it all day. | suppose the
policy is to fill us up once and then
we'll keep easy. But some of us don't
! fill UP worth a cent, in fact some are
are hollerer than when they started
but not so with the subscriber. Mary
Jane and the children at first weak
ened little on eatin, seems sea air
didn't gree with EN- but they are get
tin used to it. But such string of
Nil ~
meat, meat, till you can't sleep nights
and every kind as it were, so to speak,
from shrimp to an elefunt figera-
lively, not whole of course, nor all at
once, but in pieces, billed, fried, baked,
roasted, grailed, and every other word
in the United States language, and not
be-in nuff names in that, they have to
use lots of French. 1t does beat all,
as was sayin, Mary Ann she got sick,
she said t'want no seasick, twas some
thin the matter with her stomick, |
felt bad to see her feel bad, but l never
am tie man to go back on what | eat,
eatin always was good for me, and
am goin to keep on. They give me q
high box to sleep on so narrer that
only one half of me can go to bed at a
time. 1t hangs crosswise of the ship
and the way it iim-nasticates me is a
caution. Like sleeping on teater
board hung over six foot fence.
There's light built gentleman sleeps
on the other end and when he's up | IN
down, vice versa, I'd be glad to hold
him down or up, but somehow when |
get laid down | feel very light where
l am usually the heaviest. l am going
to propose we both get on the same
end and keep the thing steady, at least
half of the night. At first / slept with
my head to-ard the end, but the cen
trifugal motion caused a rush of
brains to my head and Mary Ann
thought my bald spot was gettin big
ger from the violent jerkin, so now
sleep with my head on the pivot and
let my feet do the shiftin. It's fine
exercise to be stood On your head and
then on your feet four times a minute
1t starts out fine, but gifts monOtonous
to-ard mornin. We have very pleas
ant company, nobody but me is stuck
up and | wouldn't be only that | sot
out to keep up my dignity and though
almost lost my grip on it sometimes,
| and turned away from the pleasant
thr0ng for private meditation, and to
get a more suitable position, in case l
had to come down, up to date I hold
my own. Some of the ladies, however,
are practicing for railroad brakemen
and ! hear them even in the night
calling out stations principally New
York. But they should not be quite
so previous, for we are matter of a
thousand miles from our first station
The Capn and all the family let them
go on, but we don't stop ali the same,
] can't say much for the country we
pass through, but pleasant shower
laid the dust and travellin is good
The soil is deep blue, probably navy
blue, and real estate is sometimes
high, but just as apt to be low. am
wanderin, but really corner lots have
lost the charm to me. Still we have a
few booms, along which we may To-
cate yet. Speaking of our officers and
men, 1 am sorry to say that our COM
mander, on whom so much depends,
has a hard name, I wouldn't say it to
any one else but you, for he seems to
belong with the noblest of men, and
then we all have such confidence in
him too.
The history of the other officers are
a profound secret, but they know their
business and tend right to it, and one
prominent part of that is to make