The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-05-29
BRIGHT BITS.

You are a very thorn in my flesh" said an
irascbe wife to her good-natured husband.
Il have TO he, my dear was the gallant re-
spouse, .'tor you know there is no rose without
thorn. Washington Critic.
A GENTLEMAN was complaining on Change
that he had invested a rather large sum of
money and lost IT ALL A sympathetic friend
asked him whether he had been bull or bear.
10 which he replied; Neither; l was jack
ass. '-NeD York Globe.
BEFORE TAKING-Oh, dear me, George don't!
think you are Just awful.
After taking-Ihe mean horrid thingl Did
anybody ever see such u stupid?
n. B.-The only thing that poor George took
was his departure.
Now know where we are" said a rustic
youth who had been engaged to act as guide by
an Austin Sportsman, as they plodded with
difficulty through deep swamp.
Well, where are we?n asked the sportsman
I'VE are begged THE Colonel.
AN ADVERTISEMENT tells ''how to keen the
scalp clean" Another good way is TO 90 West
on an Indian exterminajon expedition. The
latter method is a little more heroic and pain-
ful, but 1t can be warranted every time Be-
ware of ounterfeits.-Norrtstotcn Herald.
A NEGRO PREACHER addressed his flock with
great earnestness on the subject OF miracles as
follows: My beloved friends, de greatest of
all miracles was bout de loaves and de fishes
Dere was 5000 loaves and 1000 fishes, and de
twelve ''postles had TO eat dem all. De miracle
WHEN Prof K reached the rostrum for
prayers, he found his watch about two minutes
slower, and himself as much later, than he ex-
pected Looking at his watch, he exclaimed
Il shall have no faith, in my watch after this ~
~ IS not faith: but works, you need, - was the
quick response of Prof J-.-Editor's Drduoer
an Hdrper's Magazine for June.
81 DON'T THINK much of the scenery in this
part OF the country, said Western man on a
Central Hudson train bound noreh. Give me
prairie every time.
What's the matter with the scenery in this
part of the country" asked a fellow passenger.
"B gosh, you can't see any. Them dinged
hills an mountains are in the way."-NetC York
sun. 50 ~ !
CoySTRYMAN-Wot kind of wine have ye got,
Waiter-St. Julian. Medoc, Chambertin. St.
Emilian and Chateau Lafltte.
Comtryman-ls that all
Waitor- Yes sir.
COuntryman Preaching for his hat(-Waal
bgosh, III go somewhere else Wot | want is a
glass of claret.--IJd- Bits
FIRST Chicago Woman-We are to be ad-
mtted TO the church conference to-day, aren't
weg
Second Chicago Woman-No, indeed. Didn't
you hear. They voted to keep us out.
30, dearl don't know what to do with my
self this morning."
well let's go around to the court house and
listen to divorce cases. We're not shut out of
there yet. "-Omdhd World.
A PROFESSOR of natural history wandered
away from the Smithsonian the other day and
got into lawyers office in f street. where there
Is ponpous young clerk. The professor asked
two or three questions on the point at issue, and
the clerk finally remarked to him largely: II
tell you it's true, and 1t is true. What do you
know about law, anyway
Nothing, nothing at all" replied the pro-
fesSor meeky, but know a great deal about
natural history, and l think you are an ass. "
Washington Critic