Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1888-09-21
be YOU have met herr

be you have met hery'
God forbidm / involuntarily ejacu-
lated, for somehow / was not looking
for that form of ofquestion, and it caught
me little off my guard. But l has
tened TO make amends for my rude
ness, and say, Il simply meant | had
not had the honor-for l would not
deliberately speak discourteously of a
friend of yours. You were saying
that you were robbed-and il was
shame, too-but it appears 10y what
is left of the shroud you have on that
it was costly one in its day. How
did"
a most CHASTITY expression began TO
develop among the decayed features
and shrivelled integuments of my
guests face, and l was beginning TO
grow uneasy and distressed, when he
told me he was only working up a
deep, sly smile, with wink in 1t, TO
suggest that about the time he ac-
quired his present garment ghost in
neighborlng cemetery missed one.
This reassured me, but / begged him
TO confine himself TO speech thence
forth, because his facial expression
was uncertain. Even with the most
elaborate care il was liable 10 miss
fire. Smiling should especially be
avoided. What he might honestly
consider shining success was likely
to strike me in very different light.
| said liked to see skeleton cheer
full, even decorously playful, but |
did not think smiling was a skeletons
best hold.
"Yes, friend" said the poor skele-
ton. the facts are just as have Civ
Ell them to you Two Of these old
graveyards one resided in and
one further along-have been deliber-
stely neglected by our descend ants OF
to-day until there is no occupying
them any longer. Aside from the os
Geological discomfort of it-end that
is no light matter this rainy weather
the present state of things is ruin
Gus to property. We have got to move
or be content to see our effects wasted
away and utterly destroyed. Now,
you will hardly believe il, but ii is
true, nevertheless, that there isn't
single coffin in good repair among all
my acquaintances-now that is an alb
solute fact. do not refer TO low peo-
pie who come in n pine box mounted
on an express wagon, but am talking
about your hightoned, silvermount-
ed burial-case, your monumental sort,
that travel under black plumes at the
head Of a procession and have choice
cemetery lots-l mean folks like the
Jarvises, and the Bledsoes and Bur
lings, and such. They are all about
ruined. The most substantial people
in our set, they were. And now look
at them-utterly used up and poverty
stricken. One Of the Bledsoes actual
ly traded his monunent to n late bar
keeper for some fresh shavings to put
under his head tell you il speaks
volumes, for there is nothing n corpse
takes so much pride in as his monu-
ment. He loves to read the inscrip-
ton. He comes after while TO believe
what it says himself, and then you
may see him sitting on n fence night
after night enjoying it. Epitaphs are
cheap, and they doa poor chap II world
of good after he is dead, especially If
he had hard luck while he was alive.
| wish they were used more. Now, /
don't complain, but confidently ] do
think it was little shabby in my de-
scendants to give Inc nothing but this
old slab Of a gravestone-and all the
more that there isn't compliment on
it. 1t used TO have GONE To HIS JUST
REWARD on it, and was proud when
| first saw it, but byand-by noticed
that whenever an old friend Of mine
came along he would hook his chin on
the railing and pull Il long face and
read along down till he came TO that,
and then he would chuckle to himself
and walk off, looking satisfied and
comfortable So scratched II of to
get rid Of those fools. But a dead
man always takes a deal OF pride in
his monument.
"Yonder goes half-a-dozen Of the
Jarvises, now, with the family monu-
ment along. And Smithers and some
hired spectres went by with his a
while ago. Hello, Higgins, goodbye,
old friend That's Meredith Higgins
died in '44-belongs TO our set in the
cemetery-fne old family-great-
grandmother was an Injun-I am on
the most familiar terms with him-he
didn't hear me was the reason he
didn't answer me. And / am sorry,
too. because / would have liked TO
introduce you. You would admire
him. He is the most disjointed. sway
backed, and generally distorted old
skeleton you ever saw, but he is full
of fun. When he laughs it sounds
like rasping two stones together, and
he always starts of with CHEEKY
screech like raking a nail across a
window-pane. Hey, Jones! That is
old Columbus Jones-shroud cost four
hundred dollars-entire troussean, in
Guiding monument, twenty-sevenh hun
dred. This was in the spring OF '26
1t was enormous style for those days
Dead people came all the way from
the Alleghanies 10 see his things-the
party that occupied the grave next to
mine remembers 1t we'll Now do You
see that individual going along with
a piece OF head-board under his arm
one leg-bone below his knee gone,