Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1888-04-15
MR.. AND MRS. BOWSER.
TRR OLD GENTLEMAN GETS TICKETS FOR
THB THEATRE.
His Contempt for the Man Who Comes Lata and
Nr The WhiSpsrG-frOubls In the Audi
snes Caused BY the Man
With Peanuts.
nltroit Exc Rrns

Certainly. Is there anything 90 very
strange IN my going to the theatre"
'But you never do, You know. You
haven't been FOR years"
Suppose / haven't?'
'Pn-Tm afraid you won't hkeiL"
''Oh, you AreS Wei, you needn't worry
yourself. l don't suppose l shall like it,
but I'm going Just the samen'
"Aud you won't get yexed over any
thiIg?" l persisted.
"Mrs. Bowssr, are you talking 10 me or
to that hall-tIee?' no exclaimed. Il
think l know enough to 90 to a theatre ard
behave es other people do. Ii / don't I'll
submit to be thrown out"
II was with fear aud trembling that /
left the house that evening Mr.. Bowser is
very odd in some of his ideas, and ] sew
the shadow Of coming trouble. We had
seats at the end CT . row, and we had just
got comfortably settled, and the curtain
was about 10 80 up, when nine or ten peo-
pie arrived TO take seats beyond us
"Eb? Whst's this?" queried Mr.. Bowstr
to the irst who was a very fat man.
'"Don's You knew that this play opens II
o'clack?'
Suppose il doSs?' was the surly reply.
"rhel eupp0 You and all the rest of
this mob get here in decent season! No
one but n bullet headed iguoramuI would
come iambiDg in here st this EOuT!'
/ quoted Mr.. Bowser down a little by
telling him that i was The custom of the
theatre, and that people who can't pay
street car fare, or who Dave to dodge and
twist 20 avoid creditors, always came il
late, but il WASH; five minutes before q
couple behind Us began talking In a loud
voice, and ne turned on them with:
do you people take this place for q
saw miG?'
"Np, sur" curtly replied the yourg
msn, ~ho had q strong smell Of horse
about bis clothes.
Then stop that noissr'
l quieted Mr.. B)Fser again by telling
him thst IT WA the custom OF the theatre,
and that q certain per cent. CT people
always cam so visit instead of TO see, and
/ got him half way through the first act
before ne bad another eruption. Then e
man behind Us began 10 hack aud cough
in the most forluu way, and Mr.. BOwSeT
turned onShim With:
did yop have that cough before you
came 10 he;e?'
'Yes, sir"
'Aud you knew you'd keep your infer
nal racket g,ing ill through the Play?'
'Id,d"
"And you didr't care a copper for the
other peopls's rights?"
"NO. SIR
well, I sized you up for a hog half an
hour ago, sad I'd give $50 ID be out OF
here aud have my hands on you for i've
minutes"
I got one cf Dir. B3wser's hands and
hung on to him while I told him that /
had sat in a theatre time after time when
q dozen men were blowing their noses, a
dOzsd more Ia ykipg every two minutes,
and q third dozen mere blowing their
whisky breath5 around. He was AL right
until the act closed. Then the fat man
and two Others in our IoG 90. up to 90
out aud gulp down 8 glass or bssr in the
nearest saloon.
"Are you sick, OF il the place on fire,
that You must c.owd out?' asked Mr..
Bowser.
None o your business" replied the fat
man.
"Well, you pass here il you can"
/ told Mr.. Bowser that it was the Gus
tom in every theatre for every lOafsr to bob
up and rush ont for his beer or whisky at
the end Of every act, no matter how many
ladies he had 20 crowd past or bow many
children &c stepped Oh, but he replied:
well well begin TO break that GUS
tom nm rinht here and Dagw
1 pleaded with him 20 let the POOR isl-
lows out. Il had bssa at least three
quarters Of an hour since any Ct them he'd
q glass of beer, and ii they were deprived
of 1t much longer 70 4 cOuld predict the
consequences. bat not n Of them got out
nj u eud OF the row. l was q thankful
woman when the curtain went mp O1 the
secoad Sc. For about ten minutes Mr..
Bower settled himself down And seemed
to take comfort, and then he suddenly OBJ
served that a p;mple-facsd loafer an the
second ROW ahead WAS turning around TO
stare me- cot Of c0uutensnCe.
"D0 You know the Villiar?' he asked.
"NeYsr saw him before
Thea why does he look st you 10 that
mannCI?"
tried 70 explaia to him that il was o
custom Of the thestTr, aud something that
every lady had to esdur', but he said he'd
lay for thai uaa and lick him il he had TO
live a thousand years to 10 II. Ten min
utes later a young n snd his girl in the
row ahead began muGcaing peanuts with
awful vigor. I feared fSr Mr. BOwser, ard
therefore told him in advance that 1t was
a custom O. tie theatre. The poor couple
had doubtless stood it inst a. long ~ they
possibly could before beginning 10 muac0,
and uus they had to eat PEANUTS or die.
'DO yCu know where ycur sre?' asked
MIR. Bro Sssr as he leaned fOS yard.
"Yes, sir replied the young man.
"And did ycU bring any corn for tbs rest
of us?'
They had . Jaw which attracted the at
tenticn Of u huldrcd people, and no sooner
was il coded than the second act closed
Then the fat man and his friends rose up
to 90 On. after sone more beer. 1t had
been 81 MINUTES siUec the last glass, aud
the NEST csSUIl observer could sSe how
terribly they were suffering Mr. Bowser
would not let them piss, and an usher
came dowa aud go5 them o1t OF the other
end Of tue row. There were 6fsy o;her
losfers crowding OUT in the same fsShicu,
and il w3s 81 1 could 60 to keep
Mr.. B,wser from sriSicg to address
the audience He wanted su expression
of public opinion as to whether a
man who had psid his money to enter q
theatre ard see 4 play had any rights, hut
fortunately tbs curtain went up sSaip.
Fortunately. too. the boys in the gallery
discovered Nc. BGSser's bald head and
began to shHot beans and buttons ct il,
H. went back 20 find tire manager and an
officer, aud / followed him and cnaxed him
10 gA home. o. the way up l said:
I'm sorry, Mr.. BowSsr, hut l knew
you wouldn't erj y is."
lob, you did, eh?"
"B-csuse you Rre not familiar with the
the customs of the tbes.Te. sou knov,"
''And yet in cold blood and with malice
aforethoGght you have been bounding me
for q mouth 10 90. Mrs BOwssr, take
care. Don't push NE too tsT! lean bear
a graat deal, but there isS limit beyond