davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-10-11
A JOKER.

Grigson (who has tripped up his
friend Prof. Grumpson's campstool just
as the latter was sitting down on it,
Hi! Don't It's no good cutting up
rough, yon know inherited ten
dency to practical joking, and can't help
it-you said so yourself
Grumpson-Quite so, my dear fellow;
you're not to blame bit But I've in
herited a tendency to kick practical
jokers, and can't holp it either. Kicks
him 1-Pnnch
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-10-11

Mormon Suitor (who has just been ac-
cepted)-And now can see your-your
-?
Young Lady (shyly)-My father, Mr..
Brigham?
Mormon Suitor Your sister,
darling; and then [ can see your father
about you both.
DESERVES A PENSION.
Citizen (to lawyer)-I want you to get
me pension.
Lawyer-Yes, sir. Where were you
wounded!
Citizen-Oh / wasn't wounded, but
nv substitute was killed.
IMMEDIATE DELIVERY.
Customer Ito grocer)-I want to get
pound of old cheese.
Grocer-AIl right, sir. I'll send 1t
around in five minutes.
Customer-All right, and let it bring
q couple of crackers with it.
AN EXPERT ON BOYS.
sDot vas the worst boy in Brooklyn,
shouteda q frenzied grocer. 'He puts
take vun' on dose oranges ev'ry tay ven
| don't see him, und lose moneys"
"Whose boy is he p
"Dot [ don't know, hut he amt tid to
live, he ought to be shooted. I've got
poy of nv own," he further remarked,
$50 1 knows choost vat a pad poy is Z"
AT MOUNT DESERT.
''Do not press me further, Mr.. Out
w.t. she said earnestly. 81 am engaged
to Mr.. Featherindyke." ''What? the
demanded hoarsely, "Henry Featherin-
dyke?" Henry l believe is his name,
she responded, "but they call him
Shorty up here and never thought to
ask him."
SETTLED HIS AGE.
He had been slipping his beer very
slowly in q Michigan avenue saloon,
and the bartender continued to stand
right in front OF him and keep his
eyes open, when the slipper finally re-
marked:
''Say, old man, are you up in old his
tory2"
'I vhas," was the brief reply.
''Ever hear of Socrates -
''More ash one hoOnered times"
''Wen, I've curiosity to know how
old he was when he died, but l can find
no one to tell me. What do you say"
"Vhell, he vhas shust so oldt dot if a
deadbeat comes in this place und doan'
pay for his beer he preaks all his collar
pones nit a club
"Ah!" sighed the man after long
silence. And he went down after his
last nickel.
RARE GOOD LUCK.
Husband-You seem very happy.
Wife-Why shouldn't /? My Jewel
of a servant girl isn't going to leave me
after all.
Husband-Why not
Wife-She had engaged to work for
Mrs. Fortunatus, but she can't now, for
this morning Mrs. Fortunatus died
Wasn't it sweet of her!
PREsE RVING THE UNITIEs.
Foggs-Just look at that absurd hat !!
Why, it's as tall rs a steeple
Boggs-Whats odd about that? Isn't
there a belle under it?-Lte.
SAME THING BOTH WAYS.
Teacher (rhetoric class)-Miss Pur-
plebloom, you may express the thought
" Necessity is the mother of invention"
in different words.
Miss ebloom-Invention is the
daughter of necessity.-LJe.
THE TRAIN.
First Train Robber-What train did
you stop last nightl
Second Robber-Overland Express
goin' West.
First Robber-Git muchl
Second Robber-Naw, chock full of
people comm home from the Eastern
summer resorts Tile Cartoon.
THE KNOT.
They say that Daniel Webster pro
posed to Miss Fletcher while aiding her
to unravel a skein of thread. "Grace," !"
he remarked, eve have been untying
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-10-11
COMPLMENTING THE BABY.

Young Mother displaying baby
Isn't he a great, noble fellow, Major
Major (anxious to please)- indeed,
madam; why, he has got hands and feet
on him like hired mans.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-10-11
BANGS,

Professor Roper (seeing a lady &C
quaintance on the grounds)-Ah, there
Rosie ?-Judge.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-10-11
IT'S TRUE.
-FOUR YEARS.

The baseball team that has Jonah is
very apt to get whaled.-Ep0ch.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-10-11
NAMES.

Commercial Traveller Gn fascinating
tone of voice to pretty waitress STEAK
an baked potatoes Mary.
Pretty Waitress (haughtiIy)-NTy
name amt Mary, Gully.
Commercial Traveller Wen, don't
get mad about it, dear. My name
amt Gully
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-10-11

Ill III COAlC luSOCldl
periods to the lives
of every one of us;
days and weeks when
our own moods and
employments a II d
thoughts are of para
mount and engross
ing Importance and
other people lose
their interest for us
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-10-11
THE KNOT.

They say that Daniel Webster pro
posed to Miss Fletcher while aiding her
to unravel a skein OF thread. "Grace," I"
he remarked, eve have been untying
knots; let rs see if we cannot tie one
which will not unite in lifetime
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-10-11
SAVING TROUBLE.

Mormon Suitor (who has just been ac-
cepted)-And now can 1 see your-your
-?
Young Lady (shyIy)-My father, Mr..
Brigham?
Mormon Suitor-N-no. Your sister,
darling; and then can see your father
about you both.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-10-11
DESERVES A PENSION.

Citizen Ito lawyer)-I want you to get
me pension.
Lawyer-Yes, sir. Where were you
wounded!
Citizen-Ohl / wasn't wounded, but
nv substitute was killed.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-10-11
AN EXPERT ON BOYS

''Dot vas the worst boy in Brooklyn,
shouted frenzied grocer. "He puts
take vun' on dose oranges ev'ry tay ven
1 don't see him, und l lose moneys.
"Whose boy is he z"
''Dot don't know, hut he amt tid to
live, he ought to be shooted. I've got
poy of my own" he further remarked,
$50 l knows choost vat a pad pOy is ("
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-10-11

Customer Ito grocer)-I want to get
pound of old cheese.
Grocer-All right, sir. I'll send 1t
around in five minutes.
Customer-All right, and let it bring
n couple of crackers with it.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-10-11
MISS DkNNY1S TEI.ESCap E.
BIZ SUSAN COOLIDGE.

HERE come unsocial
L
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1888-11-27
DOUBLING UP on ORANGE RATES.

Having learned that there was an ad-
vance in orange rates, we called at the
office of the Railroad Commission in
search of information on the subject, and
was informed that the Commission had
not authorized any change in said rates.
But it appears that the Florida Southern
and +. r. & n. have increased the rate
on oranges, and done SO in violation Of
the rules and rates established by the
Commission.
The Commission rate, per box, from
Leesburg to Tallahassee, is about 20
cents, and yet Tallahassee merchants
are charged So cents a box, and
even more-one consignment being billed
at y cents.
In this connection it may be we'll
enough to state that the Florida Commits
sion has no jurisdiction over shipments
from points in this State to points in
other States These are classed under
the head Of interstate commerce and can
be regulated only by the Interstate Com
mission
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1888-11-27
Who will build them =?
SOUTHERN IMMIGRATION CONVENTION

The Interstate Immigration Conven-
ton, called to meet in Montgomery, Ala
bama, December II, 1888, is a matter of
great Importance to the whole South. 1t
had it's origin in Texas, whose Commits
sioner of immigration, acting with those
Of other States, called the Convention at
Montgomery as central point easily
reached from every part of the South.
The Governors Of the several States, or
the Commissioners of immigration, have
appointed full lists of delegates and the
attendance already promises to be large
The citizens Of Montgomery have ap-
pointed local committees, and are doing
all in their power to make success of
the undertaking.
Reduced rates have been secured of
one fare for the round trip from all points
in the South, tickets being on sale De
cember 10, and good until Jan. 5, 1888.
The following is list of FIorida's dele
gates, appointed by Governor Perry
From the State at large: Col. w D. Chplev.
of Pensacola; Hon. a. B. Mason. Seville; Mai
}. Z lngr ham, Sanford Cap. Adam, l. E;chel
berger, Octa, and Col. Il. c. Long, Tallahassee
From the various counties OF the State: DR.
William Judge. Hon. John Rrurke, J. w.
Crenly, w J. Van Kirk, G. c. Banf, J. II.
Ierin, r. b. Stepeton, John Milton, H. l..
Grady, W. II. Walker, f. p Dsmokcs. H. II.
spear, {. l.. Mitchell, J. a. IfouIh, Capt p.
lloustnun, 0 Bernard, Cash NJ Thomas, J. T.
Lltham John l.. ingls. II. J. Mccall, + f.
Pratt, J. I. Lesley J. J Gprnto, I. F. Charles,
II. 5 Williams, f. n. Dimmick, A. b. Hagan.
c. A. Finley, c. w. Douglass, j. G. Richard,
George r. Fairbanks, James S. Bailey, r. F.
Rogers, Joseph > White, +. b Van Dcman F.
r Osborne, Walter Gwynn, II. S. Brewer j 0.
Clarke, j. +. Barwck, j. V. Burke, W. H.
Sebting, +. B. Bailey, B. w. Beamy, Hon. NJ
II. Marry, John f Ellis +. a. Hcndry, Asa F.
Tiff, w. II. Cook, En-. R1mlcy, William Miller.
J. II. Mcclellan, J. w. Whiddcn. j. G. Pelot, c.
Delano, John Anderson, G. F. Shuev, F. A.
Fleming, J. IL Ancrum, T. Albut jennings. w
G. Middleton, NJ. 5. Moremen, l.. Montgomery
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1888-11-27
DON'T SPREAD IT.

Coming down street yesterday morn
ing we met gentleman considerably
exercised over rumors that some refugees
in our city had asserted that they were
going to bring their household effects,
baggage, &c, from infected points to
Tallahassee. Since then we have met
other citizens who were worried about
similar rumors. AS will be seen by refer
ence to notice elsewhere, our Board oe
Health is aware of these rumors, the mem
bers are alert in this matter, and the
quarantine officer has been instructed to
be vigilant in this particular direction.
An attempt to bring in articles that
would convey infection would be a vio-
lation of quarantine regulations, and
those detected in sucn attempts, make
themselves liable to be dealt with as the
law provides, and our board will prose
cute all offenders. While we have had
heavy frosts here, there has been none at
some Of the infected points, and, since the
government is to pay for articles de-
stroyed at Jacksonville, there should be
no disposition to scatter them through
out the State to non-infected points, and
thus possibly lay the foundation for wide
spread Infection and more terrible cpl
demic next summer than we had this
year. Every non-infected point in the
State should be on the alert in this mat
ter, and be sure that no articles likely to
convey infection are brought to them
from infected towns. This is not only
advisable as regards the present but also
as 1t relates to peril in the future.
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1888-11-27
She beauties and Prosperity
Middle Florida.

The P"latka HeraM has ever shown ki0s.
feeling toward Middle Florida, especially 81 :
Tallahassee. Brother Pratt knows all abou, 4.
Tallahassee Country, and when he saws a..
thing good about this section, he SAYS il advi..,
". In recent issue OF The HsraH We find d.
following complimentary remarks:
judging rom Tallahassee newspapers. TAN,
ha>see and all that section of the State i, looms.
up, especially the Old Capital CITY. All ,bi.:
good news, encouraging IT, those up there VI.
have been waiting so long 10 see their ysluan
lands come into notice. Few people know =
the beauties of Middle and West Florida. n.
old red hills and the sparkling springs Of cmI
pure water that glshes from out the ravines
minds people of other States that nature !,
Florida hath not been deficient in charm.,
variety variety that adds perfection to IL
surrounding scenery Go ahead, old Midi
Florida; We rejoice IN your prosperity
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1888-11-27
AN IMPORTANT DECISION.

Elsewhere in this issue will be found
full text of the decision cf the Supreme
Court in the important case of the Rail-
road Commission, appellants, vs.. The
Pensacola & Atlantic r. r. Co., APP
pellee. The Court, if we understand it,
decides that it has no Jurisdiction, for the
reason that it is suit against the State,
inasmuch as some of the suits sought to
be enioined bv the bill were for penal
ties sued for by the Commissioners IN the
name of the State. The State can not be
sued, except by its own consent.
The Court also decides that if it were
not for this feature of the complaint, that
then it would not be a suit against the
State, and in proper case the Commls-
sioners might be sued. The Courts also in
Inmates very strongly that even If the
suit were against the Commissioners that
the Court of the State have no right to
control the discretion Of the Commissions
ers in regulating rates.
In this connection, we learn that Attor-
nev General Cooper obtained in the Cir
cult Court of Gadsden county, before
Judge Walker, judgment in four suits
against the p A. r. r., for s., 100 in each,
as penalties for violating the rules of the
Commissioners regulating rates.
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1888-11-27

If the Democratic party does not exist
to antagonize the Republican party, what
is it here for? asks the New York World.
Can it hope to retain the allegiance of its
members or to retain power by pretend
ing to be just little less Republican than
the Republicans on the main issues before
the country?
The cowardly and treacherous foes of
the Democratic party in its own camp
advise the President to drop the tariff
issue and stand up for "the immortal
principles of Democracy" But what
these principles are they fail to specify.
AS nearly as anybody can make out, it is
only grand name for the offices, and
Democracy" is but an organized appe-
tte for the spoils.
Away with such wretchel nonsense I.
The Democratic party's present mission
is to secure Tax Reduction through
Tariff Reform, to throttle Trusts, to re-
sist the establishment Of Plutocracy
within the Republic and to restore the
Government and the public service to the
ends Tor which they We're established.
This is purpose worthy of great
party. Anything less definite or less
high than this affords it 10 excuse for ex-
list ence
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1888-11-27
THE HOTEL PROBLEM.

The tourist season has opened, and by
nearly every train some of our usual win
ter visitors, and many new ones, arrive.
Tallahassee is sure to receive largely in
creased tourist travel this winter and the
new addition to the St. James and the
many new boarding houses have not been
begun too soon. The truth is, we need
more hotel accommodation. Last winter
we could not accommodate by several hun
dred all who wanted to come, and this
winter we are prepared to accommodate
only a few hundred more than last season.
All through the summer we urged upon
our capitalists the need of another large
hote-two or three of them-we cannot
have too manv-we can fill with guests
all the hotels that we build. This need Of
large and elegant hotels still stares Us in
face. We must have them. If orr own
capitalists cannot see the profit that there
is in it-anl the profit in Florida hotels
is we'll known to be very Grcat-then
other capitalists will come III and build
them With our increased and in
crca~ing railroad facilities there will
not sufficient hotel accommodation they
viii seek other and less attractive winter
resorts. We want sufficient hotel accom-
mediation for thousands of guests, and right
now, while the spirit of progress is am ong
Us in active form, Is the time to keep the
good work up and build, anyway one
more, tirst-class hotel-a four hundred
room four dollar day house.
AS far as they 90, our hotels can not
be excelled anywhere in Florida. The
st. James is well kept and popular, and
with its new brick addition, Will be a
hotel that any city might be proud Of.
The Lcon-Florida's Parlor IIotel--is a
jewel Of excellence, and its rooms are
neatly all engaged ahead each season.
Our many private boarding houses are
favorite resorts, and each season they are
filled to their utmost capacity. We have
excellent accommodation for quite num-
Der of guests, but not sufficient The
tide of travel is turned in this direction
and the more A hotels we have the
larger will it grow. Tallahassee must
have more hotels and have them soon. If
we can not get private individuals to
build them we will have to organize stock
companies to do the work. 1t must be
done by somebody. We MUST haze more
hotels.
Who will build them
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1888-11-27
The opinion of Southern editors uno

The opinion of Southern editors upon
the recent political revolution, printed in
to-day's World cannot fail to attract al
tention. Republican statesmen will find
therein much valuable information touch
ing the temper of the South in this new
situation of affairs. OF course President
elect Harrison will read what the repre-
sentatives of Southern opinion have to
say. The people down there do not seem
to be afraid Of him.-Ne,c York World,
18th.
1t is thought that Secretary Fair
child's report will show very great sur
plus in the United States treasury.
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1888-11-27
An Ob.iector.
lStellce.
PONCE DE LEON, Nov

PONCE DE LEON, Nov. %, 1883
". " Botnsn, Tll9luxsee, FIJI.
DEAR SIR: In your issue OF this week find
the name Ira Mcneil. (lntrndci for Asa McNei0
as representative Of This (IIolme~l county, mark
ed jndependent This is mistake ii i,adepeadent
Is meant IN an OiOus sense. He did run as IN
dependent oil the nominee OF mOngfel conven-
ton held in this county. This convention was
composed Of Alliance men and Democrats $50
calicd) who generally vote against the regular
nominees OF The Democratic parry Many Of
them voted Tor Pope and Pcndleton two wears
ago, and voted This year for McKnnon, Ghe
nominee OF the independent convention, com
pose; 81 many negroes and other straight-Out
R"pnblican>) against Britt, who Was the regular
nominee OF the Democratic Senatorial Conyen-
ton. hathaway, the M0ngrcl nominee, was obi
Ons 10 The SIMON pure Democracy Of this county
many OF whom wOuld not have voted ut all if
some good man had not been brought out. Asa
Mcneil was brought out 10 meet HE emergency
and was elected by the very best element OF De-
mocIacy in this county. And the very large
majority for our State ticket in this county is
due, in great measure, To his candidacy. |
helped to bring him out ana know whereof
speak. 1t is therefore, an iljustice 10 Mcneil
to call HIM an independent ana SANDER upon
this almost solid Democratic county 10 say hat
she is represented in our Legislature by an hide
pendent. Respectfully yours,
j. r. HERRIS,
Sup. Reg Holmes County.
In classifying the members OF the Leg
islature, we do not mean to cast odium
upon any one, but merely to present the
facts, as nearly as we can ascertain them,
as to the political complexion of that
body.
If odium attaches to person on account
Of his political affiliations, we cannot add
to nor detract from that odium by simply
classifying h;m-the condition re mains,
all the same.
However, we are glad to know that Mr..
Mcneil claims to be a Democrat, and we
take pleasure in so classifying him.
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1888-11-27
THIS A POINTER ;

A bill has been introduced in the Geor-
gia Legislature to prevent Georgia cor
porations from falling into the hands Of
monopolies. 1t imposes penalty of ten
years Imprisonment upon presidents, dl-
rectors and operating officers Of Georgia
railroads who submit their properties to
the convenience Of business schemes of
outsiders. The same penalty is to apply
to those who combine within the State.
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1888-11-27
There is little hope of action on The
tariff nv Con0ress this winter

-Inere Is little nope OF action on tbe
tariff by Congress this winter.
The complexion Of the lower houx
Of Congress is still an unsettled problem
At the Lennox shipyard, BROOKLYN
vessel is being built that is to 90 80
miles an hour.
The Georgia Legislature has re.
elected Ex-Governor Colquitt to the Uni
ted States Senate.
Blaine keeps his best ear close to The
Indianapolis telephone, but as vet be has
not even heard the familiar " Hellor
The time from now to March All
next will seem like an endless age TO
the Republican spoilsmen who are am.
iously awaiting to be appointed to fed.
eral offices.
Goodrich made good run. Hen
ceived 26 votes in Wakulla and 5 in WI
ton, in the First District, but he failed Il
come in ahead of the gallant Bullock n
In0 OoCOIlU DlSLrlCI.
The Solid North sits down on the Sold
South and proposes to remain seated-ChaE
Tribune.
Don't sit down too hard, gentlema,
or you may find blistering seat.
-"The cruel war is over" and the Brigadisn
are 10 full retreat Chicago Tribune.
We are glad you realize that the VA
has ended, but the Brigadiers don't re.
treat from such warriors as manage til.
Tribune.
The bitter Republican journals Of The
North are insisting that Congress audtk
Harrison administration must make The
South Republican. That's big job 70
undertake and one in which they will fail
1t can't be did, gentlemen
A vessel once yellow fever vessel
is always yellow fever vessel. This
fact has been demonstrated by experience
in the United States navy, and with mon
than one shi p. No amount of fumigatiOa.
overhauling, refurnishing and repantlng
will eradicate the Infection Though
frozen up all winter at a northern station,
when, in summer the vessel returns to The
fever latitude, the disease invariably sP
pears again.
Mrs. 5. c. Hazlett Bevis, a newspaPef
reporter, called at the residence of Pres-
dent-elect Harrison with a number Oh
other ladies, one day last week Harrt
son was in an adjoining room talking
with a number of gentlemen guests, and
as the conversation was very interesting
she began to take notes The PresidenF
elect caught her at it, got mad, sprang "
his feet, grabbed her note book and TOT
out the leaves containing the interesting
little dots about himself. He said tA''
she or no other reporter should interVls'
him. What's the matter with Harrison
Jacksonville has undertaken to s''
rid of "the poor and the tramps OF o'ns'
communities whom she allowed TO "uii.
IN there during the early days OF rei'
rations.' When the first squad IS maui
up and started for their homes" Ja'A
sonville will learn that her trouble n''
just begun, at least in that mal'''
They may get them through to hsu'
cha.ka," but not to any points IN i''' :.
ida. This scheme is as impractlcaOi' :
would be an effort to scatter inieoss-
bedding broadcast over the State WIZ
| quarantine is maintained.
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1888-11-27

The epidemic is gr:ldu lily Oh the
wane. We are glad to learn that there
was frost as far south as Enterprise yes
terday morning This will cause a more
hopeful feeling, and, we trust, be followed
by encouraging reports from all infected
points God speed the end of the scourge
and the day when it shall be banished from
our fair State.
The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1888-11-27

"A number of prominent Northern
Republicans and leading journals, since
the election of Harrison, affect to be terri
bly, uneasy as to "what is the South going
to do about it - Content yourselves in
peace, gentlemen. The South's all right (!
and will pursue the even tenor of her way
as long as permitted to do SO. If the in
coming Republican administration acts
fairly and justly towards the South-as
is its duty and as is due the South-all
will be well, and we'll be content. If, on
the other band, the policy Of the new adj
mlnistration is oppressive and unjust to-
ward the South, fair-minded men through.
out the country will regret it, and none
more than we Of the South. In short, fair
treatment will be received with favor: un-
fair treatment will be resented with vioor
and determination.