The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1888-01-29
MATTERS AND THINGS.

q
of New York, not many moons ago. over thu
discussion of the question: What would you dc
if you were King of Manhattan IslandT Oh
course there was ample scope for the ntroduc
ton of all sorts of theoretical improvements II
all sorts of matters, and the differences were
unanimous that if the Twilight Club could have
its will the county-seat of Paradise would be
Immediately transformed from celestial realms
to New York city. Would that power
| benign could elect, install, inaugurate crown,
or whatever it is they do to kings, some good.
stancn. sensible man as king of Marion county.
and all that therein dwells and belongs. for the
| space of a few days only. OF course.
being sensible man. he would fall foul OF Indi-
| annapolis first. and fairly astonish the natives.
| The way the transfer car would go to make his
| Majestys kindling- wood would make the Coun-
| Gil head swim. The express-wagons and hacks
| that disgrace the Circle would be hurled into
| cutter darkness SO fast that they wouldn't know
| what allied them. Our streets would be cleaned
| daily, and sprinkled in dusty weather. at the
expense of the kingdom Women who take the
whole crossing. and men who smoke or chew
| tobacco in street cars, would be beheaded with
out benefit of clergy. Natural gas would be
| everywhere instanter, and at low rates, and
| electric daggers would plunge out and stab
every peddler who rang the front door bell.
| But really, this is a subject which it is hardly
safe to let the imagination tride with. so numer-
! Gus the avenues of industry which would
| open to good honest, industrious king, could
| such one be found.
Apropos of industry, Kentucky woman has
| just contributed to the population of that State
| seven so2s, and now demands that her State
government recompense her there for by a
| suitable pension. 1t rem aims to be seen what
the State will do in the matter, but to unpreju-
diced outsiders 1t seems clear that the woman
ought to land in the penitentiary for clogging
up the country with Kentuckians.
Whan the K;Dr of Marian cou,+v oo,,oo info
power, after his first burst of enthusiastic revo-
luton has been made time may occasionally
hang heavily on his hands. perfect will be
his adjustment of things civic and social It
may appropriately be suggested. therefore, that
if he will lend hand in church affairs. in some
OF these intervals of leisure. his subjects
would be correspondingly eratfed. The abol-
ishment of stout ushers. for instance would be
desirable innovation. The stout usher all
observing folks know is the innocent cause of
more coughs and colds among church people. than
can be we'll estimated. The stout usher is gen.
orally active, tries TO be- for he would not for
the world have anyone suspect that he was fat
SO he trips energetically up and down the aisles,
seating the congregation, and by the time he
has made dozen such salles be is so warm he
can't breathe Still warding off the idea that his
flesh has anything to do with it, he concludes
thechurch is entirely too close. and forthwith
opens some of the windows and all the vent,la-
tors he can lay his hands to, thus exposing to
death dealing drafts some hundreds of innocent
people who are just barely comfortable. Then
the pull up their coat collars. and the
women pull on their cloaks, and both go home
and make disrespectful remarks to the effect
that they wish that fat Mr.. Brown would mind
his business and not freeze out the whole con-
gregation just because be can't breathe. There
is no doubt about 1t. the stout usher will have
to 90.
Snails are a dainty in gastronomc circles.
It is to be hoped that will be rude and
cruel as to serve this slow Wand with ketchup
Of thn Of ha
preserved
1t is we'll that the Humane Society is to give
particular attention to cases of cruelty to chill
dren. There is, beyond all doubt, more of this
species of abuse extaut than unthinkine people
have any idea of. Several winters ago some
charity kindergarten visitors found three small
children--one a mere baby-lefs In a room,
without any fire, on a bitter day in January,
with only few crusts Of bread to stay their
hunger, while their needless or cruel mother
had gone to work in a laundry. She speed |
lily hunted up, instructed in her duties, and the |
children made comfortable for that time. at |
least Another case is recalled of a drinking |
woman who had gone from home spree, |
leaving her small boy locked up without his |
shoes and stockings, In order to prevent his at |
tendance upon the Kindergarten Christmas exer- |
cises. He managed to climb out of the window anu |
report to the neighbors, who made him COM |
Portable and that Santa Claus did not |
neglect him. The Humane Society, however, |
will need to be deft-fin gered. in some instances
not 70 interfere without occasion. A funny
story suggests itself under this head gentle
man, who had band of small boys who at times
became unruly, small boys will. occa-
sion adjourned with one of his youngsters to the
back part of the house to administer in that re-
tired spot some necessary correction. The
small boy was of that species that always yells
loudest before the punishment and out Of all
proportion to the strokes when laid Before
the performance began, however, and while the
reluctant father was, possibly, trimming the
knots off the switch a ring came at the door
bell. The gentleman himself responded and
found there a lady unknown to him. who begged
pardon and said that she just passing
through the alley by the house when she heard
a child screaming in a most dreadful manner
and felt that she really must call and ascer-
tain the cause, she feared the servants were
it cruelty Here was dilemma for
the head of the house, but he met it bravely and
boldly stated that he. himself. was the occasion
of the QUERY. AS he was about to punish one
of his children, he expressed himself very
much indebted to the lady for her solicitude, but
that the licking would have to go on just the
same She withdrew in confusion, and hostl-
ties between the parent and the small boy pro-
ceeded without further interruption.
AT Boston wedding, the other day, the Off
ciating minister sneezed four times while per-
forming the ceremony, and all the old women
present presaged dreadful things in store for the
bride and groom. The minister did not counte-
nance any of these superstit1ons, however; he
knew why he sneezed; b felt the big draft that
was in the bridegrooms pocket.
Puudita Ramabai was well worth seeing and
hearing, not only on her own account and the
cause which she presents-and which certainly
opens a worthy mission field if cause did
but also. because of her calculation Of the
notherin-law problem. which has SO long vexed
md annoyed civilized 1t is comfort to
know that the mother in -law-the real article, |
The newspaper mother-inl law, the paragraphers
III. efay 10 NOT ypodn |
ion, the fruit of latter days, of younger
countries. She is, with reverence be it spoken,
vs. old as the hills: coeval with the Sphinx, prob
Ibly If that reserved old lady could only be
persuaded to tell thing or two that she knows
The Hindu mother-in-law, as depicted by the
oundita, is, without doubt, a creature not to be
rifed with. India is her native heath and our
modern imitation of her is not to be men
toned in the same day. She assumes