Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-02-25
PuLt. OF FuM.

heart. iQ aaasl gaso7 10 ~
II saw q pretty thing In kid
gloves last evening"" observed Fitz-
percy to his sister. what was itp"
my best girls hand"
Here is q corker: What Is the
difference between twelve penny
weights and the bulletin -boardP zone
Is an ounce and the other announces. "
-Burdette.
"A pithy definition of lover is the
following: "A lover is man who
endeavors to be more amiable than it
10 possible for man to DO. and this is
the reason why almost all lovers APP
pear ridiculous"
Scene. Madison Square, First
Actor" Don't detain me, old boy,
I'm Just in from Pittsburgh, and I'm
in q great hurry" Second Actor
"Where are you goingP" First Actor
I'm going to see chiropodist."-
Teras Sit1isgs. i .u-l0 2li
"A Fine Mind. There is good
deal In the remark: Stone walls do
not q prison make, nor iron bars o
cage" said Dumley; "a good deal in
II. It's chock-full of wisdom"
where did you hear itg' he was
asked. Il heard Featherly say it
That Featherly is bright young fell
lowr'--Puck.s .- .au.00iJ .5HT tl
o--Eliiah-"Say. Zske. heah yo'
brudder married rich heiress; am
dat SOP" Zeke-"Yes. she's with
'bout, q million" Elijah (surprised)
$50 much as datp" Zeke-- ''It's f.
million or a hundred, dunno witch.
but ! know it's 'normous mount"
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Mrs. Yeast. who has recently mar
ried for the second time-'.My. my I
am SO fond of life and gayetyl" Mr..
Yeast-"Well. dear. am l not more
lively than your first husbandP" more
livelyp ! should say so. Why. man.
my first husband is deadr YonEers
Statesman.
-Gentlemanly Burgla: Tin hotel
corridoD-"Did you lose a pair of
breeches out Of your room last nightP"
Hotel Guest-"Yes. and I've just sent
out to got another pair" Burglar
That's good; but wish you'd tell me
who made these for you. l wan ter
take 'em down an get 'em enlightened. +"
Puck f+ NJ meo o.
"A miser. troubled with heart
disease. finally decided TO call a
physician. After the preliminary
examination the patient asked: Doc
tor. how much is it going to costp"
mot SOU" Thanks; but you're
too kind I ought not to"-- 20.
don't trouble yourself! Your heirs
will see that l am paid. Judge,
-"How many birthdays do you
think l have hale" one person was
heard to say to another in the horse
car "Oh, about forty.seyen." hazard
ed the person addressed. "Only one
birthday. The rest have been ami
vrrsaries," was the explanation, and
the car suddenly stopped.
Poor Farmer BIaque. =
The granger who took in cheque
On bAnk that had all gone wreoue
| Was 80 whelmed with chagrin -o H.e
| That his barn he went in
| And hung himself up by his neque. ~
"a, asar- ss ---Yonkers Gazette
jasper" she said severely, as he
returned from the usual between the.
acts depression, why do you 60 out OF
the theater and down stairs TO see a
man when the house is full Of theme"
Maria" he replied. with the earnest.
ness Of an injured man. "why do you
always look under the bed to see o
man when you know the only man in
tho house Is In itP''--Bprdette.
"A chorister in q village church In
Scotland, wishing for musical pitch
fork with which TO pitch the tunes,
asked neighbor whosran an express
to the nearest city. to got one for him.
The honest expressman. who never
heard Of any other kind OF pitchiork
but that used in farm work, pur,
chased one at least ten feet long. Il
was on Saturday evening before he
came home. and. as message had
been left to bring itup when he came
to church the next day. he marched
into the churchyard before the bell
rang. where the master o.
song was standing among q group Of
villagers, and said: "Aweel. John
here's the pitchfork you wanted; bu
can tell yon Ine'er thought mucklt
o your singing before, and I'm sail
mistaken gin you'll sing ony bettel
nown-M y Ledger E sa
/ -~s s---- @