The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-09-15
BRIGHT BITS

| CUSTOMER (having finished his dinner)-Er-
about what is the customary tip, waiter?
| "alter-It varies somewhat, sab, 'cordin to
| the gemmen hisSelf. De meaneSt man what
ever come into de place, sab, guv me 10 cents
| Time.
ETHEL (Shuddering(-How the trees moan and
| sigh tonight
Bobby (speaks whereof he knows)-Well |
guess you'd moan am sign if you were full
| OF green apples as they be.-Bingham Be
| publican.
GORGEOUS SWELL Ito wife)-I'm going out to
| see friend.
Wife-You mean you are going for drink;
but mind, II you do I'll disgrace you forever by
eating an apple right here
He remains-Truth.
AT STATEN IsLAND-Maj Yarrow-What do
you fellahs wear those wat-twaps ovah your
faces for, when you play?
Mr.. Scorbuck-We put them on at the end of
Ihe game, so that our opponents Sha mt see us
laughing at them. It's just matter of cour-
teSy, you Know.
Maj Yarrow reverently) -Fahncy Time.
OLD LADY-Why are you not playing ball with
the other little boys?
Little Boy-I muffed er fly in de Ief' field. and
de capt'n chucked anodder fellow in me place
Old LADY, wouldn't watch them play il they
treated me like that
Little Boy amt watchin' EN- play; I'm
Waitin I'LL de game IS over ter lick de capt n
NeO York sun.
culturfst)-1 say, farmer, do you happen to have
such thing as bottle Of beer in the house
Agricuturist-Ic can give you no beer, mister,
but kin go you on some wine
Thirsty Tourists it good wine?
Agrlculturist-Ther amt none better. It's
elderberry, mister an my wife made it ONLY
yistiddy.-Phiti' Il. WEIGH, in the Epoch.
AN UNGRATEFUL HoRsE-One spring morning
a farmer went into his stable to harness up his
horse for blowing when he perceived that the
animal was dead. This, said the farmer gaz-
ing at the horse, lis what call unlimited gall
I'd like to be horse myself under these circum.
stances. All winter long the miserable brute
does nothing but eat and eat, and when sprnp
time comes gentle Annie when there is work
to be done, he just pegs out. '-TerGs Siftinqs
Mr.. PARvENU-That's all settled about them
carriages, then; but, look ere, the missis said
was to be sure and have a crest painted on
EN-.
Coach Builder-Oh. certainly. sir What is
your crest?
Mr.. P-wen, I1er.this is, I--er-7'spose I've
forgotten it, but that don't matter, do 1t? You
| can find me a crest, can't yer. if | pay for it?
Coach Builder-Oh, yes, sir, by all means I've
got few ere as you could choose from, sir.
Ere you are; sir, lions is popular, but helephants
| is very peculiar.-Ftat.
CHAPLAIN So poor Hopkins is dead should
have Liked to speak to him once again and soothe
his last moments why didn't you call me?
Hospital ORDERLY didn't think you ought to
be disturbed for 'Opkins, sir, so Just soothei
him as best could myself.
Chaplain-Why, what did yousay to him?
Orderly" Opkins," says l, you're mortal
| bad" II am" SEE e. "'Opkins," SEE |. Il
| don't think you'll get better" NO seq e
"'Opkins,' says /, you are going fast I"
Yes" seq e. "'Opkins,' says l, Il don't
think you can hope to go to 'eaven" Il don't
| think can says e, well then, 'Opkins ."
says |, You'll go to ell" Il suppose so"
very grateful as there's a place perwided for
you, and that you've got somewhere to 60"
And think e card, sir, and then he died
Hospital.