Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1888-03-10
IN THE AWKWARD SQUAD.

torn Telegraph.
IN THE AWKWARD SQUAD.
A Dudes wrestle With a Desire to Be a
Military Man.
"Pa, | want to be soldier. 1t will be
such fun parading up and down Fifth ave-
nue. with the boys, you know. But as 1
am under age it is imperative that you
give your consent" And Adolphus deity
drew an innocent-looking document from
his inside pocket and handed it over for
signature.
Have you thought over this matter Sc
riously, my boy ?"
ooh, certainly; ! am to get bran new
uniform from top to toe, drill Thursday
evenings, and it's only to cost me 81 50 a
month-a mere bagatelle, you know"
The document is signed, and the young
man Joins the National Guard.
When Adolphus goes in the awkward
squad he feels as if he was tackling an in
terminable job. The squad-master is a
Lieutenant specially detailed from some
company to instruct raw recruits into the
mystery of handling a Remington rifle
and the proper movements IN marching.
His language when taking a new batch of
men into charge is more forcible at times
than elegant.
The new recruit finds himself very pro-
fcient at first in getting his feet tangled up
together When the officer says eyes
frontr' he forgets just at that moment he
is under any special instruction to follow
out any such admonition, and very inno-
Gently looks down to see if his feet are
properly adjusted so as to prevent one
from inadvertently stepping on the other.
81 believe told that man who is con-
tinually admiring his feet to keep his eyes
directly front, and if | have to tell him
again, he will go back into the next squad,
which will keep him out of his company
for six months"
The recruit becomes terribly confused at
this rebuke, and generally succeeds in max
ing bad matter worse by nervously pinch
ing his mustache, if he has any.
Glands down. This is no time or place
to coax mustaches; wait until you get off
the foorp' continues the drill instructor,
enjoying the recruits confusion.
1t is pretty generally understood that
out of the whole number of militia in this
State 40 per cent. of them, could they get
out of the National Guard, would do so
with lightning rapidity. After man has
served three years in company 1t is about
time to get tired of it, and he often gets
tired before that time.
But some got tired of the military rou-
tine quicker than others. A young man
Joined the Twenty-second Regiment sim
l. to of
their white dress-coats. He was promised
bran new coat if he became member;
he joined, went through the awkward
squad successfully, and became one of his
company's best men.
When the white-coat business came up
before a regular monthly meeting, the
Quartermaster Sergeant quietly informed
the members that all the recruits wishing
new white coats could purchase the same
for $2S, or be satisfied with a secondhand
one. The recruit who came in for the
new white coat was finally fitted out in
ore that gave forth the token of siege of
jaundice, with button-holes that were
frayed, and fatigue cap that must have
been worn by member of one of the
companies that went to the front in 1862.
Such procedure made this man tired of
his bargain and he therefore endeavored
to shake the responsibility he had taken
upon himself by staying away from drills
aud company meetings. Things began to
look seriously for him at the regimental
court, and he finally turned up with the
plea of physical inability to attend to any
further military duty. He was referred to
the regimental surgeon, who quizzed him
very thoroughly on his troubles.
What do you think ails you ?" asked
the doctor.
81 think am getting consumption very
fast, DOCTOR" he replied.
"Where do you feel the most pain at
times ?"
In my stomach"
And you think YOU are getting the con-
sumption? Nonsense; what you want is
exercise, and the National Guard will give
you all you want. Your application for
physical disability Is not accepted" The
young man endeavors to attend drills more
regularly now.
The National Guard is a splendid in
stitution for young men who are confined
all day long in snudgy stores, or sit adding
long columns of figures without cessation,
for eight or ten hours. 1t exercises all
parts of the body and brings every muscle
into play. Young men who are willing to
give up one night in the week to drills,
and will attend to them regularly without
that feeling of compulsion that haunts so
many, will derive benefit physically.
Before you join any regiment, the first
and most essential point to be looked into
is your employers opinion on the subject.
If he objects, the probabilities are he
would be one of the first in case of riot
to beg the militia to protect his property.
If he offers no objections, it is assumed
that he fully realizes the Importance of the
National Guard, and readily sees how it
might benefit him as it will benefit you.
Therefore, if you make up your mind to
join regiment, prepare yourself for good
hard work, and do not let Adolphus' idea
run away with you, that wearing dressy
uniform and parading up and down Fifth
avenue makes the soldier. 1t doesn't by
long shot.-N Y. Press.