The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-02
BRIGHT BITS.
FAILURE in the Yarn Handwriting unsu
cessful novels. Omaha Bee.


FAILURE in the Yarn Trade-Writlng unsuc-
cessful novels.-OmdhG Bee.
SoE-Papa how do they catch lunatics?
Cynical father-With diamond necklaces,
decoIette dresses and fourteen button gloves,
my boy Exchange.
TELLER turning to the President soemnly)-
do not see the cashier this morning.
President (dry and solemn And do not see
any cash here, either.-D1'iD.
THE MAN whose step-ladder collapsed when he
was hanging his fathers portrait, bringing the
picture down on the top of his head, says it is a
striking likeness of the old man.-BoSt0r Com,
meTcidt Bulletin.
RoBBIE-Mamma, doesn't it make your hands
warm to spank me?
Mamma Why. yes. Robbie, it does.
Robbie-W Wouldn't 1t do just well, then,
mamma, to go and hold EN- over the register?
ETctdngc.
''OH, YES said a grumbng beggar, folks
always helps them as dom need any help. Why,
there's lightnin'; it can git down to the ground
fast enough all by itself and yit folks is all the
time a-puttin' up rods for it to slide down on. ."
-EGChdngc.
BOBBY docking at the new noon Ma, is there
really man in the moon?
Mother-That is popular superstition, Bobby.
Bobby-Well, l should think that living in a
moon like that would make him bowlegged.-
NetC York Sun.
WHATS THATf' asked country gentleman
in n music store.
THAT? 0. that is used on violins. 1t is called
a chin rest"
chin rest, is it? Well, gimme one. It's just
the sort of thing want for New Years pres
ent for my wife. "-TeTdS SiftinqS.
WIFE to.husband who has been to New York;
You murmured in your sleep last night John,
about seeing the elephant in New York.
Husband Erum-did l. my dear?
Wife-Yes, and from the appearance Of your
pOcketbool, which you left on the mantlepiece,
| think the elephant must have stepped on it
Nei0 York sun.
Me. PoRcINE (of Chicago)-That's a fine pic
ture, mister!
Picture Dealer-,Yes, sir, its a Raphael.
Mr. Porcine--How much might it be worth? q,
Picture Dealer-lt is already sold sir
Mr. Porcine-Sold? Well you see this man
Raphael, and if be wants TO get one like it up for
me he can name his price.-Epoch.
ENGLISH TOURIST Ito citizen, passing White
House grounds: Washington monument in the
distance)- Ca er, | say, Yknow, what is that
bloomink tall obelisk there?
Citizen (potely)-One of Cleopatra's needles
sir. They grow to that size when transplanted
to this soil.
English tourist makes a note of it.-Teras
SiJtthgS.
A PoRTLY LADY endeavored to skate on the ice
at Central Park, but she suddenly sat down.
making noise like an iron safe dropping from
a sixth story window.
A gentleman ran to her assistance and as he
helped her TO her feet he remarked:
II presume you skating for the first time. -
mo, for the last time" replied the disguised
female.-IecdS SQtingS
MAN TO colored washerwomant-Look here,
Aunt Mile, gave you ten white Shirts but
you have only brought back eight.
Aunt Nlillie-Dat so, honey? Wy, how come
dat?
Man--You are the one to give the explana-
ton
Aunt MilIe-Yas, an IT, plain ernuf, too
sab. | washed de shirts dis week in rain water
Man--But why should the rain water cause
two shirts to be missing?
Aunt Mille-W'y, de shirts shrunk; dats why.
-AykdnSdlC TTuUe{er