Connecticut western news., 1888-05-23
HUMOROUS

A pointed letter-A.
 Out of slght-Tho blind man.
 An impossibility --An ugly baby.
 A Waity Question--When will he come2 ,...
 Always ready to go bail---Cotton brokers.
 ''How is the earth dividedT' "By earthquakes, ma'am."
 Nothing is moro liable to cause loss | of appetite than eating.
 If doctor orders bark has not the patient right to growl9. s.lss
 'T was rapped in slumber," said tramp as the policeman hit him.
 Tho Victoria Batten berg match seems likely to set Europe on fire unless it is scratched.
 Tho Arab who invented alcohol died nine hundred years ago, but his spirit still lives.
 When does successful lover think he is getting ahead9 When ho is got ting heart.
 The boy who undertook to ride horse radish is now practicing on sad de of mutton.
 Our musical sharp says the biggest thing in music is grand opera, because it has the most aria.
 A man recently bought horso by photograph, thus literally getting the carte before tho horse. ~r
 Old lady Gin grocery store) Be them dates fresh, boyG They don't look it. Boy-Yes' m they re of recent date.
 A pig would seem the best subject for medical students to experiment on, as he could be killed first and cured aftor- / ward.
 You can't always judge the slze of mans bank account by the artistic beauty of the picture on the outside of his office safe.
 'T wish my name were Notoriety," sighed 3O-ycar -old maiden. "Whya" asked her mother. "Because 50 many men court notoriety."
 In the theatre-'But why do you weep2 The acting is certainly not so touching" "Excuse me; l am bewail- ing tho money paid to come in."
 A woman may not be able to sharpen a pencil or throw stone at hen, but she can pack moro articles in trunk than man into an express wagon.
 A Gay young coquette is Miss Julia, With fattery seeks she to rulia;
 But 'twere best to beware,
 Else you'll find that, though fair,
 This maiden is seek ing to fulia.
 Nervous old lady, on the fifth floor of flat: Do you know what precautions the owner has taken against fire9 Jan. itor: Yis, mum; he has the house in- shoored for twice wot it's worth. No man knows how much he roally loves a woman until she has presented him with the worked canvas for the sides of natty travelling bag, and he has paid $7 or $s for having it made up.
 Many weary youth, sitting in his solitary room at midnight, and driving big needle through button with the back of his jack-knife, is wondering whether ho will bo doing his own sew. ing in 1889. ~.. A Kansas school ma'am has intro- duced a new feature in her school. When one of the girls misses a word the boy who spells it gets permission to kiss her. As result the boys are improving rapidly.
 "Who made this hashs' ''Why, my new Boston cook, of course" "Thep, please return to her these remnants of a pair of eyeglasses, and tell her that she needn't give her dishes such an intel lectual flavor hereafter.
 Wife-''The gas collector was hero again to day." Husband--" you Iell uiIll tO Cdil dSdiu! HIiC-- 1cS, but he said it wouldn't be necessary" Illus usband--'sWouldn't b, necessary2" Wi:c-'Yes, he shut the meter of"
 'Don't you believe tho milk sell you is pure2" asked milkman of GUS toner who complained that tho lactcal fluid looked rather blue. 'I won't tell you what I believe" replied the cus- toner ''but know your milk makes my mouth water
 Poor France your history if rightly we con it,
 Shows you t have always in your bon net.
 There's B for the Butcher, N Bonaparto frst
 And B for the Baker, Boulanger athirst 'Tis for whom nexti The Candlestick makerl ] Or is it for Bismarck, as Chief Undsrtakxi