The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1888-06-07
wnEEzY CORRESPONDENCE.
The Blessed Doctors and the Trou-
bIesome Asthma.

blesome Asthma.
The following private correspondence
picked up will show the blessed doctors
what the ESTIMATES think of them and TIT
COURT HOUSE, May 81, 1888.
Dsar BILL learn you have had con
siderable experience with asthma, and
wish YOU to kindly answer the following
questions: Loo.
sive?
about it? al,
Third-What is your.opinion of the dis
ease and what remedies have you useu
Yours automatically,
W. H. S.
NV Dear Sir, W. H. ST. hasten to ao-
swer your questions, as the occasion Il
very suspicious for so doing. AuspiciousS
because l have just emerged
from prolonged and hilarious
revel with a mastery and very able aS1nn i.s
IL base ball parlance, it was magnln-
cent game. 1t made first base easily on
my right lung, then stole second, anu,
with flyer scuddiDg over the tieid' reacneu
third. The contest was wheezy ana eH-
citing, but before it could get to the plate
homeopathic pellet knocked 1T out and
1 had the inning. Had it Owed 1t Wouu
have got there.
My triumph, however, was short, and
since then it has played me all
over the field. Day in and day
out it Just filled the score sheet
to suit its own sweet will. And the umpire
regularly skinned up tree to save his
bacon. >,
l write in this fluent, easy, base ball
style to be in perfect accord with the
literary taste of the day.
will answer your questions in the order
given.
First have been ultimately &C
uuainted with asthma forty odd years. l
was born at very early age, and In after
wears nv old colOred nurse informed me
that for first-class, healthy youngster l
could not be beat, though l have good
reason 10 believe that at that time l must
have borne a close resemblance to nor
rid vegetable of that name.
Three months after my advent mo this
world of hustle, base ball and political
clap-trap, it was discovered had asthma,
and ever since the doctors and myself
have had a monkey and parrot time try
ing to overcome it.
Second-To your second question
modesty, if not prudence, suggests
silence. 1 cannot bring myself TO pass
upon an honorable profession which has
in every city and hamlet scores upon
scores of monuments telling of its
mighty work. will therefore dispose
of your second question in an easy, off
hand manner by sayii g that the doctors
know no more about asthma than they
know of what the dog star is composed
Those of them who are practical asthmat-
les, of course, are not included in the
sweeping, off-hand disposal of the ques-
ion.
Third-My opinion of asthma is, that it
is highly respectable, careful with whom
it associates and in every way is cultured.
1t is an expansion of the bronchial tubes
by the accumulation of mucus and phlegm
and the consequent crowdipg and husting
together of the air cells of the lungs
until they are unable to receive and per-
haps dispose of the quaHtity of air neces-
sary for ordinary and healthy breathing.
The accumulation of mucus causes Wheel
ing, and the choking of the air cells
creates the difficulty of breathing.
This item is especially commended to
the able doctors, as their books teach just
the contrary. The very moment you re-
lieve the bronchial tubes of their load,
that mn INIT raIiaf
Sometimes the asthma takes possession
of only part of one lung, while at other
times it appropriates all of one and part
of the other. At such times its prsnks are
fearful. 1t hustles you out of bed and
| doubles you up. Then, if you look into a
glass, you wi be astonished. You will
find that the story of Doctor JekyIl aid
Mr.. Hyde is not overdrawn. Before at.
tackled you were Doctor Jekyll, now you
are Mr.. Hyde. You have an anxious look.
You look as if You were expecting your
mother-in-law or some other calamity.
You look as if the steaIthy tread of a bill
collector was about to fall upon your ear,
but, like Mr.. Hyde, you don't care snap
of your finger. At such times you are
terribly weakened. Upon more than one
occasion got so weak couldn't raise SIS.
The remedies are legion. Opium,
morphine, tar, goose grease, tallow, tur-
pehtine, beladona, Unison weed
and hundreds of others. 1
have not tried picking up jaw bone of a
horse with my teeth and walking back
wards with it one hundred PAGES, but I'm
confident such will be just as efficacious
as scores of remedies prescribed by the
doctors. A Voodo doctor told me once
that if 1 would get four sticks of witch
hazel, four inches long, and the breast
bone of a chicken killed in gave yard,
and place them under my pillow would
never have the asthma again.
Ny last attack emaciated me very much,
as l was forcibly reminded this morning.
l was standing in my garden, when sud
denly the report of gun rang out and
q whole handful Of shot whistled over my
head. A small boy out hunting had
taken me for scare crow and fired at a
tuft of my hair, which had struggled
through hole in the roof of my hat and
which, gently bowling to the breeze, he
thought was dove.
If you are suffering with asthma, now
advise that you keep cool, grin and
bear it.
Remember that great men have been
afflicted with it. George Washington,
John Bunyan, myself and others.
Truly yours, BILL,