The Press., 1888-08-23
THAT SMOKED SALMON.

THAT SMOh ED SALMONs
 aOne day when l was living at Concord, Mass.," says MT. Sol Smith Russell, ssI started away from the house to catch the 10:15 train for Boston. I was somewhat stinted for time, because if didn't catch the 10:15 train couldn't get another train for Boston until 2:28 in the afternoon. It was now 1O:O3. Just as stood on the front stoop heard my wife calling to me. 'What is it, Allie ? says I. T wish you would drop into Baxter's, says she, 'and ask him to send up some smoked salmon for tea. Of course I will, says I, for if there is one viand that prize above an. other it is smoked salmon for tea, and then do business with the water pitcher for the rest of the night.
 "Baxter kept a store in brown stone building at the corner of Emerson avenue and Amity street. It was long, low building, the store being on the first floor, lie hall for rent to peripatetic negro min- strel .troupes, jubilee singers and transcen- dental debating societies. Baxter's store was what is called 8 general store-so called, presumably, because it is generally out of what you want. Baxter professed to keep everying needful, from bolt cotton down to patent clothes pins, and from win tergreen lozenges ur to real ostrich feather fans. Baxter himself was typical Yan- kee-tall, hulking, lantern jawed and gar rulous. He was so thrifty that he had his clothes made at home, and his wife always cut his hair. He was so thrifty that if he had been wrecked on 8 desert island, he would have swam ashore in two weeks with his pockets full of $20 gold pieces When fellow got through dealing wltt Baxter he felt pretty much as if he'd beer run through sieve. ..
 "Well, when I walked into the store tha morning, I was,pasI have said, in consid erabE9 of hurry. Ihad made mp my minG to order the smdked salmon and get to my train just as fast as could. There wal nobody in the front part of the store, so walked back ways. MT. Baxter was nail ing codfish to board.
 "FOh, good mornin', MT. Russell, sayI he. We've got anuther uv them fin' fine weather we're havin' this summer Wuz tellin' my wife yesterday that I hadn' known such weather in thirty years-no sense the Lyman boys wuz drownded ii the East river. Always knew they'd conn to some bad end, but they'd never hav drownded if they'd stuck to the reg'la swimmin' hole. Some folks is never vii lin to let we'll enough alone, but has to b. hyin' in the face uv Providence, which i not only foolish, but wicked
 "Yes, that is true, MT. Baxter, says I but have you any smoked salmon today
 "'Smoked sahmon?' he repeated thoughtfuly. Smoked salmon? Why yes, r. calc'late we can accommodate y6 Let me see-where did I put that smoke, salmon Ought to be on the shelf next t the calico prints, but don't seem to b there. Always make it riale to have place for everything; and; to keep every thing in it's place then know just wher to put my hands on it in minnit. I te you, Mister Russell, there's nuthin' lik order I don't care whether mans run min Q store or 8 race track -nuthin' lik order. Mother taught me that lesson whe I wuz a boy up in New Hampshire.
 guess she wuz, perhaps, the smartest VI man that ever lived ; somehow or Othe wimmim nowadays haven't got the facult she had-you don't get no such doughnut and pies nowadays that you used to ge when my mother wuz ivin'. Waal, now it's funny can't lay my hands on ths smoked salmon Likely as not that bo Reuben hez hid it away somewhere. Neve did see such shiftless boy in all my Dor days don't do no good to talk to him-h k keeps right on with his Jim Grow bushes just the same. Miss Perkins-one of tn Perkins sisters-lives down next to th Hobart place-wuz in here t'other day al ordered an ounce of cloves to take { choir meetin' darned if that fool bo didn't do up paper uv tacks fir her. Tht evenin' bout 9 o'clock Lem Higgins, th bass singer, come runnin' down the roa fir Doc Smith. Stakes, alive, Lem,' SC the Doc, what ails you D. There ain nothin' the matter with me, '4sez Lem, 'br
 Miss Perkins is havin' fits up to the mee in house. Just wait minnit, till gt 3 my medicine chest says the Doc. W don't want no medicine, says Lem. I we're goin' to save her life, all: we need t perfeshionaI skill an tack hammer.
 ''Now, this was all very amusing, but
 had nothing to do with smoked salmon nor did it facilitate my catching the 1G:1 I train for Boston. #s$ EE4s f#*%
 *sMr. Baxter, says I, I'm sorry yo
 haven any smoked salmon'--
 "tHold on minnit, says he, interrup
 ing me I'll find out where Reuben pl it, And then he called Reuben ? Re, ben :! several times in 8 shrill, raspiu l. voice, and wound up with a 'GoI durn yor
 picter, why don't you answer when I ca ye? s4 .s. ar s s,.s -re s. ssf
 "'Yes, sir, says Reuben at last. from far corner in the back end of the.store.
 "Where did you put that ere smoke
 salmon ?'@S
 ""The smoked sahmon?'
 Yes, sir, the smoked salmon
 "'Why, there ain't none.'
 "'Ye don't mean to say that we've ru touts smoked salmon r Does beat all tn never kin learn that boy nuthin'. Tol :. fhinr time an agin, when he saw we WI : runnin' out nv anything, he must let n
 know, soze c'u'd order some more fro
 Bost'n- Waal, meow, darned if I ain
 sorry, MT. Russell, f'r I know jest how di
 appointed folks is when theyimake up the
 mind f'r smoked salmon an can't get an,
 It's jest like tearing the heart out or losii
 favorite cat or havin' some other grea crushin' sorrer. Why, I recollect that one time old Squire Holbrook come in tt . store and sez he, Hiram m'-fe. wuz one the selectmen, san' he always called n Hiram-'Hiram, sez he, thev you got an . dried beef ? Squire Holbrook,' says U we hev run out of dried beef, but I Ri F let you have some damask towehn' at . surprisin' low figger.' No, Hiram s, Y he, kinder sadly sno toWelin' today.