News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-02-02


hired oirl, It's Bridget's place to look
aftei, tRe milk. I'm the laindrylady."
"That doesn't scare me, (" said the
man, I'm the milkgentleman, and I'm
the P. W. G. R. K. of the U. o. G. G.,
aud Most Eminent Pkst G. W. Of the
Ancient Order of NJ. <. Q. a., and ]
want somebody to take this milk"
eyes, sir" said the washerwomani
meekly, MS she went to find d crock
Chicago Tribune.
HE HAD CORRECT 5FABITs.
"For ten years past, said the new
boarder ssmv habits have been regular
as clockwork. [ rose on the stroke of 6;
half m hour later sat down to break
fast: Mt 7 I was at work, dined at II, ate
at 6, and was in bed at $50, ate
only hearty food, and hadn't sick day
in all that time"
ssDear me-" said the deacon in sym
pathetic tones, 'tand what were you il
for?"
And in the awful silence that followed
YOU could hear the hash CRATE its teeth
-Burdett6.
WENT TOO FAX.
"Here is a curious thing in the paper
A man in Florida town persisted il
plaving the piano half the night and 6
man who lived next door killed him."
"Well, we'll! That man went toe
far"
"The man that did the killing"
''No, the man that did the playing. -
Omaha World.
SELL HIM.
Country Minister Ito Deacon)-Dea
con, you have reputation of knowing
about horses. I've got aI
animal that's balky. What do you dt
in such case? Deacon-I sell him.
WEAK MIND:
Miss Bowland taught school at Nor
way; Me-, and she evidently understood
how to make the boys and girls put the
best foot forward. One day she was
putting the class through the toe-the
line drill in the presence of two young
gentleman visitors from out of town
These lively spectators, at some feat o
the youthful squad, indulged in giggle
"Children, exclaimed Miss Bowland il
her loud, clear tones, "What is it sigl
Of to see people laughing?" ga veal
mind" shouted every voice, and thC
young men subsidized. .-Bost0R TrucelJeJ'
INORGANIC.
Teacher-Class in physiology. stant
up. Bodkins, how do you distinguish
organic from inorganic NATTER
- (5r1;l,1x- Sp,oo tod f11,
answer in memory)-In the organic
world every individual springs from SOM
parent, while inorganic substances ar
formed by chemical laws.
Teacher-Very good. Give an exam
pie of an inorganic substance.
Bodkins (usuallvislow ut these things
but Tor once mSplftu]-An 6rI,hau-
Life.
THE ASHES OF LOVE.
'sAll is over between us, Mr.. Samp
son." she said coldly. "The presents yol
have given me will be returned to-mor
row."
He stood there proudly, but his fac
was ashen.
Everything shall be returned" sh
went on, with a queenly sweep of he
rounded arm, "with the exception, o
course, of the caramels and ice cream. >
And thus they parted.-N. Y. Sun.
A vENEERED MAN.
At the Providence county court house
last week, a deputy sheriff was gettini
his jury together. Spying a mai
who looked as though he was on til
jury, he approached him, and said: car
you petit jurymal1" "Oh, gosh, no,
said the man, who evidently came from
the rural districts, "Im veneere,
man. ."-Pr0cideace Journal.
Heat Chicago evening entertain
ment)-Do you know that very brillian
looking woman at the piano, Miss Breezy
Miss Breezy-Oh, yes, intimately.
will be glad to present you, Mr.. Waldo
He-Thanks. is she an unmarrie,
lady2
Miss Breezy-Yes, she has been I'm
married twice.
THE LADY PHOTOGRAPHER;
Brown-Well, old fellow, how is tina
love affair Of yours getting along?
Smith-NOt at all. She has taken t.
amateur photography.
Brown-Why, what difference doe
that ma e
Smith-All can get from her now i
a negative .-Detrod Free Press.
TIT FOR TAT.
81 will be tam with you, darling, saic
George Himself, bnderly, "when w
are married, you shall always have one
half of my income"
"And l, dear Gorge" said Amand
Herself, twill not he insensible to sucl
unselfshness; youShall ever share one
half of my expensss. "-B0J Burdotie.
THE RRHT SIZE.
Matter-o of fact Mother Ito fashionabl
daughter who is going out)-Clara,
think your bustle>~---~ogeti1er too larg
to look well.
Fashionable Daughter-I know, mann
ma; but you have no idea how slipper,
the sidewalks are.
THEY HAD AGREED.
Clerk of Court -'WeIl, gentlemen O
the jury, have you agreed upon vel
dict?"
Foreman I'VE haze"
CIerk-''What say you? Do you fin
the prisoner at the bar guilty or nc
guilty"
Foreman-"We do.'
Clerk-"You do! Do what"
Foreman-"We find the prisoner {
the bar guilty or not guilty
Clerk-"But, gentlemen, you mus
explain"
Foreman-"Of course. You see. 81
of us find him guilty, and six of us fin
him not guilty, so we've agreed-to let
go at that Yoakers Gazette.
PARTING INJUNCTION.
Travelling SalesmaSA Ito employcr)-
Well, Tn off, Mr.. SnlAh. Good, by,
Employer-Good-b by and a succGssf
trip. And remember, Mr.. Bloward tn
order is heavens first law.
THE MAN WHO swoRE OFF
Wife-John, I suppose you have son
money saved up, haven't you2
John-NOt q cent.
''Why, John q! 1t is a year since V,
stopped drinking, and you have work,
like q slave every day since.
"That's true
"Where is your money, then p
"Ihe money saved by swearing {
[ had to loan to old friends who 5idI
swear off. '-Omaba World.
ALWAYS NElGHBoRIY.
Brown-See here. neiphbor Jone
you are throwing ali yom snow in fro
of my steps.
Jones Qeaning on his ahoveb-That
the kind OF man ] asn-neyer L,,n ~,
thing without wanting my neighbor
have some, too'-7esas S{ftjagS,