The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1888-04-28
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.


good institution. but too many needy
friends keeps a fellow continually
broke.-He Colonel.
"A man who exercises q profound
influence over the Gar is Ivan of Cron-
stadt, hermit priest, who is said to
perform miracles and whom the Car
frequently visits in his monastic cell.
Old man Cat the head of the stairs)
Hasn't that young man gone yet,
Clara?" Daughter-"No, papa; are
we disturbing your" Old man-"Yes;
the silence down there is oppressive. :"
N Y. Sun.
"A New York physician says that
the guillotine is the most comfortable
death. Every doctor should have one
in his office and thereby save his pa
tients much suffering Minneapolis
Tribune.
-McQuillen-"Vanderbilys French
cook doesn't know how to make a minco
pie" Curtis-"What does Van pay
him?" NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS." Curtis
He's worth it. Philadelphia Call.
Police Judge-"Young man, you
are charged with vagrancy." Eyes,
and it's an outrage. I'm merely out of
employment after having worked on
some of the best papers in the coun-
try" 20, you're a newspaper man,
eh?" "No, sir; I'm journalist. -
Lincoln Journal.
The claimant of the authorship of
Beautiful Snow" also claims to be the
inventor of roller skates; but people
have long ago become reconciled to the
fact that the claimants of the much
claimed poem will claim about every
thing and any thing. Budget.
"A man went into an editors Office
in Boston. Mass, one day last week,
transacted his business in half dozen
words, and left without Offering any
advice whatever as to the conduct of
the paper. At last accounts the editor
was very low. lid Bits.
"A square minister. After one or
two gentle efforts on the part of the
collector to awaken Deacon Jones, the
minister said from the pulpit: Never
mind, Brother Layman, as Deacon
Jones has not heard the sermon, per-
hads it would not be right to expect
him to pay any thing for it. '-Epoch.
"A Congressman dead against wom-
ans rights was talking to delegate
to the International Council of Women.
why" he said, "you women can't be
men, you can't vote and you can't
fight" Cant fight, can't we?" she
said, with a cold glare in her eyes.
You are bachelor, amt you?" He
was. Critic.
--She-''My! wasn't that a dreary
play? Not CLEAN of humor in it.
But don't you think some of the serious
speeches were most effective?" He
"Why shouldn't they be? The author
has had the best training in the world
for serious and tragic writing."-
-"Indeed?" He-"Yes; he was editor
of an English comic paper for three
years. "-Detroit Free Press.
-She-"My darling, it seem such a
little while since we entered this house
to begin life together. The glad spring
time had just begun, the air was vocal
with birds and fragrant with flowers;
yet just think, it's almost q year" He
THAT'S so. received notice from
the landlord this morning that if 1
wanted to stay in this house I'd better
come around and renew the lease. He's
going to raise the rent on me, too.
Yes. it's nearly n year."
You accepted story last week."
ne said TO the editor, "sent you by my
little daughter, aged fourteen. As she
is very uncertain in her spelling, and
very sensitive on the subject she asked
me to look in and correct it before you
print it in your Children's Department.
see you have it before you on your
desk Redd He'd Gin. " Correct!
Children's Department." shrieked the
editor. why, man, that's the best
dialec: story we've accepted in a year!'
Puck