Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1888-01-06

WHY condemn the gambler? Has Ia
not chosen better part ?-Ter0s Sif.
ings
ENGLISH walters assert that typical
American rarely gives tips. -Tenas
SUtings.
Isn't it strange that rooster should
crow, and crow should hawk, and
hawk should fly, and fly should fee9
The single eye-glass is worn by the
dude. The theory is that he can see
more with one eye than he can compre
bend.
"THE story of worm that eats stee
rails is now declared to be a hoax
This surprises us. We supposed it was
an internal lie.
DIR. ToRREY, .of Boston, marries
pair in eight seconds. There are many
young persons who would like to make
minute of this.
PAT stole watch, Mike a COW, and
both were arrested. "What time is it?'
says Mike. Faith" answered Pat,
lust milking time"
HOST TO visitor)-I don't know what,
the matter with our dog. He gets fu-
rious whenever any other dog comes
about. Look out, he'll jump at you.-
ArkansoW Traveller.
IT is the everyday duty of mug.
wump to weep copiously because he
wasn't called in to settle the trouble in
Paradise by kicking the occupants out
and kicking himself in.-Judge.
WIFE Zone day after marriage)-No,
dear, don't give me any money; might
lose it. Same wife Zone year after mar
riage)-I took $50 from your pocket
book last night John. Ne,O York
Sun.
PROF. HOPKINS says the Prohibition.
lists want to put their conscience in
their ballots. That might easily be
done, and without embarrassing the
election inspectors to the slightest de-
gree.-Judge.
LADY (to fond mamma)-Oh, the lit.
tie boy will improve as he grows older
Fond mamma-His papa gets 80 out Of
patience with him! He intends to edu-
cate him, as he will be good for moth
ing else.-.Jaldge
Mrs. PoplSJAY--Mr. Popinjay doyo1
propose to put up that stove to-day, as
1 requested you? Mr.. Popinjay-But
my dear, you know Mrs. Popinjay
Mr.: Popinjay, either put up or shut
upl-Bawgington Free Press.
"WoMES cannot be satirical," says q
writer, "any more than they can be
humorous" So? How is it that when
a man, after counting a girl for seven
years, proposes, she says: ooh.
George, this is so sudden. "-Boston
Courier.
"WHEN you get very tired" said one
man to another, do you ever lose COM
mand of words and ideas?" "No," said
the other man, 81 can't say that I do
but have felt that way sometimes
when got home very late at night.
SomeruiNe Journal.
Mrs. H1GH JINKs very English)-
Bridget, see if the Groom" is at the
door. Bridget-An' what would ye be
wantin' wild the broom, mum? Mrs. H.
il am going out to ride. Bridget
(sotto voice)--Och, murther! I'll be
after lawn at once for service wild da-
cent family. Detroit Free Press.
Nh. CR1MsoSBEAK-You play the
piano a great deal; do you not? Miss
Observation-Disclosures, l play at home
good deal, to drive dull care away. u
guess you're successful; aren't you?"
"Why?' "Well, 1 understand you
drive everything else away. I don't
suppose dull care would want to stay
either. - Ionhers Statesman.
RURAL PAEsos-I was very glad to
see you at church last Sunday, Farmer
Acorn. Farmer Acorn-You preached
a powerful sermon, parson, and it had
good effect on ME. well, it was tho
first OF series Of sermons on charity:
The Stranger Within Thy Gates"
Well, parson, I've been turning tramps
away for good while, but after heard
that sermon | made up my mind to do
different, and that night when tramp
asked for place in the barn I gave
him bed in my house" "Ifeel greatly
encouraged, Farmer Acorn" "Well,
don't. The next morning I discov-
cred that the stranger within my gates
mad decamped with everything he could
lay his hands on. "-Omaha lForld.