davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-07-12
WARRANTED TO KILL.
Tho Inevitable Fate in Store fOe YOunl
and Old Cigarette Blxniaca.

The Inevitable Fate In Store for Young
and Old Cigarette Mxniacs.
The cigarette is small tube OF
paper about three inches long and per-
haps little less than a quarter of an
inch in diameter. It is filled with a
yellOwish fibrous substance which
some enthusiasts claim is tobacco, but
that claim has never been substanti.
ated. To plagiarize the fishing-pole
simile, the cigarette works finely with
a fire 1T one end and a fool at the
other.
The cigarette is about as HARM
less an implement of vice as could
we'll be imagined. The smoking of
one gives no satisfaction to a real to-
bacto user. and on the other hand it
does not knock out the person who
first tries it. as does the first five-cent
cigar. The ordinary cigar when first
lit by an amateur plants a deadly
blow where it will do the most good
generally below the belt
The apparent innoxiousness of the
cigarette is the source of all its power
for evil 1t is like the little drops of
water and little grains Of sand which
the poet so tenderly alludes to. In
themselves they are of exceedingly
small account, but when they unite
themselves into sort of labor union.
we have the authority of the poet for
saying that they form the mighty
ocean and the beauteous land.
The mildness Of the cigarette makes
it possible for the user to smoke them
continually while he is awake. This
he could not do with cigars or u pipe.
He could not stay in the ring il he
tried it. The cigarette. however. ar
rives at its destination just the same.
and the smoker finds when it is too
late that he is done for.
They dissected cigarette victim in
a New York hospital the other day.
The victim was twenty years old and
he had long known that cigarettes
were killing him. but he could not
break away from the habit. The re-
suit of the dissection showed that the
young mans body was simply satur-
ated with cigarette poison. His lungs
had gradually solidified and every vital
organ was hopelessiy diseased. The
full particulars of this interesting case
would hardly do for the columns Of q
newspaper. but We beg to suggest that
they be obtained by the makers Of
cigarettes. printed. and placed in the
cigarette boxes as change from the
photographs which now adOrn the
packages. Detroit Free Press.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-07-12
A Business Proposal.

He walked into a Woodward avenue
shoe store and asked to see the pro-
prietOr Immediately.
well, sir?" queried the latter.
Il stole this pair of shoes here last
night" said the man. in 4 virtuOus
tone.
..Ah! You did! And you found you
had conscience after all. in spite Of
your many efforts to kill it; 80 you
came to return them, and claim the
usual reward for honesty"
..Oh, no." said the tramp, with .
surprised air. 81 thought that you
would be kind enough to exchange
them. These are two and 3 half
sizes too large. The fraternity all
know me as Small-Eooted Jim. -Ds.
troll Free Press.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-07-12
II wasn't kicking about your llir.-

81 wasn't kicking about your lirt-
ing with Fred. -
And wasn't saying any thing
about you and Heab and Lol-only
think that when fellow takes . girl
to a picnic he might at least speak to
her once after they got there"
!" Speak to her? Stuff! Didn't ]
stick right to you all morning2 And
didn't eat dinner with you and all
that? Do you want me - get down
on my hands and knees and crawl
around after You all day?"
''Now, smarty! The Lord knows
don't care if YOU don't even look at
me. If you was any kind of a gentle
man you'd know how to treat lady
| when she condescends to favor you
with her company"
"Phew! what u long tail our cat 3
GOT
"Sec here. Harry St. John. this
this thing had better end right here.
| and you'd better take your ring if you
want it. If we can't get along now
without fight every day how will it
be atterwGrd p
''Weil. who begun this fuss?"
"YOu did"
"l?''
Eyes. you did"
"You did Yourself
"You begun it by pitching into me
because ! waded the brook with those
girls from the ribbon counter"
SWELL, how did it look? How would
you like to see me padding around
barefooted with lot of boys?"
Il don't know as I'd cnre.''
II guess you wouldn't"
WELL II-pshaw. Mauds. les
kiss and make up. You're an old dar-
ling. anyhow"
"Oh. You can't soft-sawder me-
"Now. now, my old ker-sweetness. "
"Oh. behare yourself"
II shan't."
You'd better. or Pll-Horyy"
"You amt so awful cross. are you?"
You better not kiss me again"
"Let's 60 and get some ice-cream :"
"Well, you've got to behave the rest
of the day."
'.All right" and the storm is over
Detroit Free Press.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-07-12
WATCHING EACH OTHER.

The Crooked Course OF True Love 1t the
First Annual fic0jc.
1t was at tho first annual picnic of
the Salesladies' and Salesgentlemen' s
Association. F. Harry St John and
H. Maude rockingham h:sl with
drawn from the gay th-ong of merry
makers and stood alone under the
spreading branches Of a noble elm.
Her fair young face was clouded by a
frown and his noble brow seemed
troubled. II. Maude broke the silence
by saying:
MAY he you think didn't see you
swinging with Sadie Murray"
well. what if you did?'' he re-
torted. his face assuming a defiant ex-
preston.
"Oh. nothing, nothing at all. It's
nothing to me whom you swing with.
and my heart won't break il you do
SIT an hour at a time in hamm ock
with Name Benson"
pooh! I didn't sit ten minutes
with her. and wasn't you eating ice
cream with Bert Lawson at the same
timer
.'Shouldn't wonder if 1 was Did
you expect me to sit and suck my
thumbs while you and that Benson girl
enjoyed yourselves: You re badly left
if you did. don't happen to be built
that way"
well, what you kicking up such .
row about them
II kicking up row: As though I
cared If You sat q month in hammock
with Name Benson
"Wen?''
"And it's nothing to me if you dSd
buy soda water twice for Sally Marsh.
Oh. l sdr you
..And Isaw you flirting with Fred
Barton"
"Well. wasn't you swinging around
with Hattie Deane on one arm and
Lol Drake ON the other. 90 sweet ON
them both sugar wouldn't melt in
YOUR mouth Tell mo that :
s.What II I was:''
ssWhat L ] f3irted with Frcde,
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-07-12
CARE OF A COLD.

A Departure from Health Which ShOn!ss
He Attended to at Once.
DO not let it cure itself. Get rii ~.
it soon. DO not feed it. though. bat
starve it. One cold after anoti,ct
nearly always ends in thickcniny o.
the mucous membrane Of the brorci,ia.
tubes. and before you are awrre Of j.
you become the victim of winter cough
The morning tub (cOld. l mean) is u
very sure preventive Of colds. Never
over-clothe nor overhead Yourself.
The neck should be kept cool. Keep
away from fires indoors If YOU are
subject to colds. Cough. if not :,e
result of simple laryngeal or broncIlia;
catarrh. may mean very serious de-
parture from health; and the sooner
one sees doctor in such case the
better. Do not be afraid to consult
him. Remember. it is only those tia,
delay who suffer in the end. Ge.tin.
thin is another serious departure from,
health. One generally does lose weight
in winter. and regain it in summer;
but slow and steady decrease in
weight calls aloud for medical inter-
ference. Want Of sleep and restless
nights are symptoms which can, not be-
overlooked. The cause must be found
and removed. The trouble may GER
tainly arise from over-work and worry
combined. but in most eases the
stomach and digestive system are the
roots of the evil Nervous people
worry most but they also work most
Well. the question one is inclined to
ask himself when he feels something
wrong with his health is: cam over
working myself?' I would answer
thus: II you really enjoy working. il
can not injure you very much; but, on
the other hand. IL it Is forcc-work, and
you find little pleasure in it, then il
win tell on your constitution. But
many people can not afford rest Well.
but wonders can be done BY taking
exercise; BY breathing only fresh aiI
night and day, indoors and out; and
By careful regulation Of the diet. In
conclusion. let me entrsat you. a ron
value your happiness, not to neglect
frst departures from health II
tory ofths reservoir has really moral
!or svery one Of uA-Chssss.s Eoselv
negasise.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-06-07
THE SIBERIA OF MEXICO
How the Mexican Government Dis
poses Of Political Criminals.
PhiIsdelphia & cord.

For meny years Yucatan has been the
Siberia of Mexico, whittier are exiled the
offenders whom the government does not
know what 10 do with, since the amended
constitution OF the liberal party practi-
caliy does away vi capital punishment.
It is handy in case Of political criminals
and troublesome people generally-who
might turn up again If banished else
where-for from that bourne none has
ever returned. It has been the fashion
| to conduc: such obnoxious persons under
military guard to the frontier of Yucatan
civilization, Or TO some cut -of-the- way
! landing place along the coast, and simply
/ let them go. What becomes of them
none can tell. The interior Is known to
| be populated by warlike people, who
| have towns and cities and certain degree
of semi-barbaric civilization. Whether
they enslave newcomers, or naturalize
and make new citizens of them, or put
them to death, is food for conjecture.
Probably the mystery OF it adds to the
punishment its greatest terrors. How
ever, it is a well-known truth that among
the unfortunates cOndempSi to Yucatan
few reach their destinat;4, the soldiers
in charge having sryg orders to give
the prisoners opportGnittss to escape and
to shoot them down the instant the seem
ing chance is acted upon.
Especially dangerous is the eastern
shore of Yucatan, and should any travel
er be so mad as to land there it would
as certainly be the end of him as if he
were dropped into hades. AS for redress,
his friends might as we'll appeal to the
winds as to the Mexican government, the
latter having even less control. The
chief tribe of eastern Yucatan Indians
are known as the Chan Santa Cruz, hav-
ing a city of that name in the southeast
ern part of the peninsula, about thirty
six miles west of Ascension bay and some
sixty miles below Lake Becalar. The
lake is about fifteen miles long, and on
its western shore the Indians have their
seaport-also named Bacalar-where they
go to trade with British Honduras via
the HOndo river.
Recently they determined to free them
selves, once for all, from Spanish-Mexi-
can control. They named their strong
hold Chan Santa CRUZ "Little Holy
Crosse and chose its site because near a
a spring of clear, cold water they found
great tree upon the bark of which a
small cross had been carved. The leader
Of the revOlters, priest wise, induced the
others 10 believe that the cross was
heavenly origin, cut by an angel who had
descended for the express purpose of
guiding them in their continuation of
hOsbilities against the MeXicans. Be-
ing so fortunate as TO discover a ventrilo-
quist among his followers, the cunning
leader took him into confidence. big
church was built, great cross set up
within it, and the veptriloquist instructed
to throw his voice SO that it would sound
as coming from the wood thereof, urging
the people on to bloody deeds against the
Mexlcans. Believing that the mandates
issued vertically from the cross, and must
therefore be of divine origin, the people
blindly Obeyed them.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-06-07
IN THEkHYBER PASS.

Extracts From A Letter From Ex-MayOr Har,
rison to the Chicago Mail Written From
India.
l am writing this at Peshawer, sixteen
hundred miles to the northwest of Calcut-
ia, and close to the, border-line of Aghanls-
tan, that bone of contention on which
Russia and England have been so long
mounting, and over which they will groWl
for probably many years to come. ]
wrote my last letter at Agra; since then
we have passed through the heart of the
mighty empire of the moguls of Hindoo-
stan, whose luxury and splenior made the
fairy tales of the thousand and one
Arabian Nights reality, and has furnish
ed to the minds of Europeans and Amerl-
cans their idea and ideal of "orlentalIsm.'
We have passed days in studying the re-
mains CT their palaces, thousand tombs,
monuments of megnifence which makes
MOore's gorgeous lines truthful descrlp-
tions rather than dreams of Hibernian
imagination We have visited their three
great capitals, Agra, in the south, DELHI,
the central, and Lahore, their northern
one. In these they build palaces and
mosques, which are dreams of beauty,
inlsyiug thin stone, or alaoaster walls,
with precious marbles. They built
thrones for themselves and tombs for
their predecessor or their queens of an
architectural beauty never excelled, with
gems and jewels for adornments, and
lavishe3 upon them in elaborated finish
the spoils of conquered kingdoms.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-06-07
Children of The Crown Prince.


A Berlin friend sends me little anec-
dote of young Williams domestic side
which came to him from Court source.
The Crown Prince has carried to excess
the old Hohenzollern custom of giving
its cadets military training. When
ever he visits his children his Oldest son,
who will be next month, has been
schooled to give the word of command
whereupon the two smaller broth rs
aged 5 and 4, range themselves besid
him, and all give the father soldierly
salute. The other day the Crown Prince
was working, when his attention was
drawn to the fact that the sentries out
side his room were presenting arms re-
peatedly in an inexplicable way-a thing
which German soldiers, be it explained,
do in such peremptory and vehement
manner that the action can be heard for
Il considerable distance. He was puzzled
at this, went out and discovered that his
little boys were having some fun passing
up and down the corridor enjoying the
pleasure of being saluted. The Crown
Prince Sid, 81 must teach you that SEN
tries don't exist for little Princes, but
Princes for sentries." He then called
for cane and in the presence OF the SEN
tries gave the tiny fellows sharp beat
ing. 1t ought to be added that this Incl
dent of a Spartan education is much ad
-pired in Berlin.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-06-07
How to Make People Laugh.
New York SIM

Adonis Dixey IS spending his vacation
in touching up his theories about how to
make the public laugh and how to induce
crowds OF them to pay for being made to
laugh. Here are a few of his conclusions:
ut isn't making the public laugh that
shows genius, bus 70 say something real
funny and keep the public from laug hing.
Anybody can make tie public laugh.
That isn't hard. Ar old joke that has
been heard fifty times before may make a
man laugh, but the next minute he'll be
saying what an old chestnut that WAS.
The way to win the hearts of the public
is to make them believe you like them aud
give them something 10 laugh over when
they've gone home.
Its better to make one woman laugh
than four men. She'll tell more people
about it and it'll do you and the box Office
more good in the long run. What you
want IS to get people saying you're funny.
A man may think you're funny, but he
won't say anything about it. A woman
will. She'll tell her friends and they'll
want to go and see you. The actors that
please the women are successful"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-06-07

found TO be cleaner and better, and is not
prejudiced for best uses by the India
grain. Much has been said and written
concerning the possible rivalry between
the wheat product of India and that of
the United States, and the possible ex-
puls1on of the latter from the markets of
Europe. This possibility may be regard
ed as very remote for various reasons
such as the imperfect methods of culture
and harvesting in India, the cost of in
terror transportation, the inferior Quality
of the grain. the necessities OF irrigation.
etc.
India raises one busheI to 6 head of
the population, the United States seven.
INDIA has one mile OF railroad to 10000
people, the United States one to 435. The
people of India require by far the larg-
est proportion of their wheat product for
food and seed land their home appetite
increases every year,, while the people of
the United States, after appropriating
i've bushels per capita, have a surplus for
export equal to one half the entire crop
of the British empire in the East.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-06-07
"FOUNDERED."
Gayiy she sailed from the northern port in the
dawn of the April day.
When the sunshine touched the Nab's black crest,
and 5lusbed over Whitby Bsy.

Gayiy she sailed from the northern port, in the
dawn of the April day,
When the sunshine touched the Nabs black crest
and 5lusbed over Whitby Bsy.
Father and two bold sons were there, as blithe
as the morn all three
What ais thee mate to the fourth they said
"ooes ausht go wrong with thee:"
by the birds that swoop round Kettleness
there's fish where cur lines we set,
And the brave new cables springs to her work, a:
no boat has served us yet
LAY, the cables tight and strong enopT. an ]
know what the sea gulls mean,
But ! left my q iSSuS bad up there, and he
glanced at the headland green.
Where 2 red roof hung like a martin S nest, and
his bold brown eyes grew DIM;
With kindly cheer and honest jest, his fellows
heartened him.
Or ever the sun was high at noon. the bright
blue sky was black.
The wild white horse tossed their crestS over the
gathering Wrack;
Over the gray seas fast and fierce, through the
clouds OF flying foam.
The squal swept On from the cruel east-the
boat was far from home.
Three women watched from the great pier head,
through the black and bitter night;
One lay and shiVered TO hear the blast, as Is
rushed DER the rocky height.
And nestled closely to her side lay her little
born son,
While the women sale. He'll be back to see, long
ere the day is done.
But ever the pale cheek flushed and burned, and
ever the eyes grew wild;
She babe them take The babe away, "fcr nell
never see his child
MANY q boat in bootless search flew over the les
sening waves,
Many keen eye strained its sight, from the
Head with its crowded graves;
But the April days, in sun and shine, passed in
a deepening pain,
And never over the harbor bay came the whit
by Lass" again.
Hope sank and rose. and sank and died: the fish
men knew at last,
That from deep-Sea harvest and busy staithes
four gallant hands had passed.
They found the boat on the flowing tide ere the
year to winter grew;
Her sails were rent, her block was jamned heT
strop was half cut through.
That was all to tell of the desperate strife that
for life and death they made,
Who sank to the depths of the great North Sea
with never hand to aid.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-06-07
NEWS ODDITIES.

Ex-Governor Berry, of New ham pshire,
who is now in his 92d year, organized the
first temperance society in that state at
Hebron sixty-two years ago.
Boston Corbett, the slayer of John
Wilkes Booth, President Lincoln's as
sassin, has escaped from the state insane
asylum at Topeka, Kas.
James Mclaughlin d. Son, wooden man
MIA 3tursrs of Skanbatel Falls, n. Y, have
failed with liabilities amounting to over
S250,0OO.
The Dubuque division of the Chicago,
Mil yankee and st. Paul has been re-
established with headquarters at Duou-
que.
Senator Stanford has expressed bis in
tention that his California universit
shall be specially devoted to lncUlcatin
temperance ideas into the minds of the
youth of California, where, he thinks.
there are more men engaged in the
liquor traffic than in tiliing the soil.
Agricul ural and mechanical training and
co education of the sexes will be striking
features OF the Institution.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-06-07

THE article of the Biz ningham ENG.
Post, which usually expresses the views OF
Joseph Chamberlain, declaring that the
liberal uniorists cannot continue in sup
port of q negative policy OF coercion,
naturally excites much comment in Eng
land. The Post proposes national coun-
ellis for Ireland and land-purchase
scheme This is direct attack upon the
tory local government bill, but it can have
little political significance, because Mr.
Chamberlain's following is toe small to
pull down the ministry, or even force a
change in policy
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-06-07

In recent lecture in London, Mr.. L.
ID. Mocatti gave some interesting details
respecting the present number of Jews
in the world, and their distribution. He
8,O0O,O0) and 100000. OF these about
100000 are found in the United Kingdom,
seven-tenths of them living in London.
Germeny contains 100000; France, TO-
600; America, 100000; Persia, from 49,
900 to $4,000. Large numbers of them
dwell in Northern Africa and Abyssinia
and there has been a large influx of Jews
to Palestine during the present century
from other parts of the Turkish domin-
ions, and from Poland, Russia and Cen
trial Europe. The Turkish government
shows entire federation towards them, but
is not favorable to their further immi-
grafton. Mr.. MCcatti says the condition
of the Jews in the Holy Land is not a
happy one. There is but little outlet for
their energies. 4 large number give
OhShlcSANSS ShtAiStJ up " h0DAC" o1uuiSSl
while the bulk of them seek out miser.
able liveliho Cd by small industries, ap
parently aided, but IN reality intensified
in pauperism, by the pernicious system
of "Halukah" or distribution of aims sent
from various countries, which are doled
out among the Jewish population in small
ums.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-06-07
How Can Corn be Grown With Profit.
Practical Farmer

To attain this we must have good lard,
and if it is level and a black soil, then you
can count on paying crop if you Guilt
vate your corn properly. A clover sod is
best; then pillow or 10 inches deep and as
early as possible; if you can get your Ian d
plowed by the middle of April so mach
the better, but don't make the mistake,
like great many do, by not using the
harrow on it till you wish to plant your
corn. If possible ran the harrow ever it
every week, and if you harrow it twice a
week so much the better. Next comes
good marking off, good seed and good
planting. l prefer TO make the rows 3
feet inches apart, check-rowed is best;
the burrows ought to be or ) inches deep.
Then use the very best of seed corn,
plant three grains in hill, between the
10Th and 20th OF May. As soon as the
corn is up so you can seq it well through
the rows start your cultivator and keep
that gong once week until the corn Is
3 feet high. Perhaps there are some of
the readers of the Farmer who think that
one half of the narrowing and cultivating
I recommend would be enough. Perhaps
it would be if you are satisfied with 80 or
40 bushels per acre. If farmers would re-
member this and believe it as do that
'good tiDage is manure" then the
corn crop would be much larger every
year, and the weeds much less in the corn
fields.