davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28
FULL OF FUN.

.-CusIumer--"This stuff is not at
for hog to eat" Waiter-"Allrig
sor. Don't ate it."
The ordinary man does not sin
half so much going fishing on Sundays
as he does telling stories about it the
next day. --SomerviIle Journal.
IL can't go to Jail, " said funny
vagrant. II have no time" THE
court provides that" said the Judge.
Il give you ten days. IN o. Pca-
yune
When was young and went courtin'
Ienvied all the married men,
But now I'm buying shoes for fourteen
l wish was bach againl
Detroit Free Press
-Instructor--''Why don't you turn
out your toes?" Celtic Cadet--''Me
family niver evicted amy thin yit,
sor, an Orll not begin now nv Oi re-
soign!"-Tid- BITS
The hen. fool though she may be
considered, possesses in marked de.
gree the faculty of making much out
Of little. Feed her corn by tho pin
and she cats it by the peck. - Bing'
han1ton Republican,
Yes" said the amateur actor
mournfully. II had the leading role.
but the audience evidently thought
was intended for n supe." "Whyr
Because when appeared they threw
vegetables upon the stage" Bosto,
Courier.
AT Church Festival-Lady
Patron" Ah, Mr.. Blifstick, how d,
you find the oystersP" Mr.. Blifsticl
with his spoon in the plate "Um-er
er l haven't been able to find them q
all yet, Madam. - Critic.
Polite Clerk ouM you like t,
see some nice ladies' wear?" Old Lady
(from the country Like to see some
nice ladies swear! No, nor hear 'em
either. Nice ladies never swear, sir
It's very unnice. Teras SJtings.
Elderly Bride-"And you ar,
quite sure, darling, that it was not m,
money, but love alone that brough
you to my feetP" Young and Mer
cenary Spouse-"Ah, precious. tn
word love but feebly expresses what
feel for you. My regard amounts t
absolute vencration. Texas SJf
inqS.
Wife" You shouldn't take such
morbid view of life, my dear. Loo
at poor Mr.. Smith with his small in
come. and his wife slowly dying, an
yet he has cheerful smile and
pleasant word for every body
Husband-''Is his wife dying?" Wifi
Yes" Husband" And he
cheerful and PLEASANT" Wife-"Yes.
Husband-" Well, if he doesn't loo
out he'll give himself away"
Little Girl" Mrs. Brown, ma want
to know if she could borrow q doze
eggs She wants to put EN- under
hen." Neighbor-"So you've got
hen setting, have you? didn't kno'
you kept hens" Little Girl-"No m
we don't, but Mrs Smiths goin' te
lend us q hen that wants ter set ar
ma thought if you'd lend us some egg
we've got the nest omselfs. IN
Sun
Revenge is Sweet-"Mother,
said Miss Clara. do you think Bo bh
ought to lounge in that handsom
chair?" Certainly not Bobby" sal
his mother, reprovingly, you migl
! break it." IT it is strong enough t
hold Clara and Mr.. Featherly.
argued Bobby, as he slowly slid down
lit ought to be strong enough to hol
little boy."-M Y Sun
An- Or ~0MHrn ArINh
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28

chubby, dear, l can't wait to tell
you what Pm going to buy you for
your birthday gift.
Darling wife, what is it?"
"Well, dear, Pm going to get you
silver card-tray and a bronze Her
cules for the mantel, and lovely
Russian table rug to lay in front of
the dressing case. What are you GO
ing to get for me Tootsy?"
"I've been thinking, Jane, and /
havejust settled to get you a new
shaving brush"
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28
The Reason Why

Ayers Pills are so popular is, that
while always reliable as a cathartic
medicine, they never leave any i'll
effects. This is because they are puEely
vegetable, and entirely free from Gallo
mel or any other dangerous drug. In
all cases, therefore, whether the patient
be old or young, they may be conf
IDENTIFY administered.
In the Southern and Western States,
where arrangements of the liver are so
general, Ayers Pills have proved an in
estimable blessing, d. w. Baine, New
Berne, N. c., writes
II suffered long time with stomach
and liver troubles. l tried various rem
edies, but received no benefit until ]
commenced taking Ayers Pills. These
pills benefited me at once. took them
regularly for a few months, and my
health was completely restored"
Throughout New England, next to
lung diseases, Stomach and Bowel
Complaints are the most prevalent.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28
General Aireeforg.


Tullahoma to McMinnville-Arrives 1910 p.
M; leaves 6:20 a. M, daily except Sundays.
McMinnville to Sparta-Arrives GAO AM;
leaves 1900 p. M; daily except Sundays.
Beersheba Springs-Arriyes 500 PM
Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays; leaves
800 a. m, same days.
Smithville (route No. 19955)-arrives 1900
M, Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays
leaves 100 pm, same days.
Woodbury-Arrives ~ m, Wednesdays
and Saturdays leaves 100 I'M, same days
Horse Shoe Falls-Arrives 1900 m, Mon
days and Thursdays; leaves 200 pm. same
DAYS.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28

1t is astonishing how little some of
us, who have always lived in the
country, know of the insect and
vegetable life that is all about us. 1t
is the wide-awake, observing, inquisi-
tive city girl and not her practical
country cousin, who tramples the
meadow grass in pursuit Of gauze-
winged butterflies, and scours the
woods for maiden hair ferns and
Jacks-in-the-pulpit, and knows just
where in grandfather's pastures are
the shaded hooks where red-cup moss
and brown rock lichens can be had
for the picking and checkerberry and
pennyroyal grow in spicy clumps.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28

T. I, n. C. is not a cure-all, but a
quarter Of a century of constant use
has demonstrated beyond question
that Tanners Infallible Neuralgia
Cure is the only known infallible
cure for all kinds Of neuralgia and
for nervous headache. 80 cents per
oox. Manufactured by Rangum
ROdt Medicine Co., Nashville, Tenn.
Sold by w. II. Fleming.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28

The hustle is about to figure in the
law courts. A Montreal lady ordered
a cloak from a tailor and refused to
pay for it on the grounds of misft.
The tailor has brought suit for the
price of the cloak, and claims that it
did fit until the lady put on an inn
mense hustle. The court, in passing
upon the case will have to decide the
regulation size of a hustle.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28
LODGES

L, & A. M.-Warren No. stMonday
L. night in every month, in their hall over
the court room. TIC. LIND, w. NJ.
DOYAL ARCH CHAPTER-3r Thurday
II nightin every month.
|. j. THURMAN, H. P.
T o. o. F.-McMinnville, No. lac; every
L. Tuesday night, in their hall over Won.
ack & Colville's store.
A. NUNNELLY, n. G.
T. S. ARLEDGE, Sec'y.
Rebekah Degree, meets First Thursday
night in each month.
MRS. w. S. LIVELY, n. G.
MISS JENNIE LIVELY, Sec'y.
KNIGHTS OF HONOR-Mountain City,
n No. lao; meets in Masonic hall I'd and
4th Monday nightsin every month.
A. B. RAMSEY, Sec. THoS. BLACK, D.
KNIGHTS AND LADY'S HONOR-2nd
n and 4th Thursday nights in every month
A, H. GROSS. P.
70. G. T.-Ben Lomond Lodge No. 9c
/ meets every Tuesday night at Masonic
Hall. NJ. GAFFIN, w. c. T.
R. R. GAFFIN, Secy.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28

Many whose occupations are of a
sedentary character, often have the
feeling of being literally worn out,
and are reminded very forcibly of
declining years, when if they knew
what allied them, they would find all
their troubles arose from the inaction
of their kidneys or liver. If they
would at such times take DIR. J. HI.
McLean's Liver and Kidney Balm,
would again, feel the vigor and
strength of maturity. For sale by
w. III. Fleming.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28

An old lady on train in Alabama
the other day who was evidently
taking her first ride on the cars was
greatly alarmed while the train was
passing over a high tressle. She
grasped the seat and held her breath
until the opposite side Of the chasm
was reached, when she gave a deep
sigh of relief and exclaimed: "Thank
God, she's lit :"
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28
Solid Petroleum.

Experiments are being carried on
in Russia with the view of finding a
process, at once practicable as well as
desirable on the score of economy
and cleanliness, of solidifying the
petroleum used as fuel. According
to the report made to the Russian
government by DR.. Kaufman, who
has had the principal charge of these
experiments, a successful method of
accomplishing the desired result
consists simply in heating the oil and
afterward adding from to 3 per
cent of soap. The latter dissolves in
the oil, and the liquid, on cooling,
forms a mass having the appearance
of cement and the hardness of COM
pact tallow. The product is hard to
light, burns slowly and without
smoke, but develops much heat, and
leaves about 2 per cent OF a hard,
black residuum.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28

Sickness comes unlimited and.
strong men and women are forced to
employ means to restore their health
and strength. The most successful
of all known remedies for weakness,
the origin of all disease, i DIR. j. II.
McLean's strengthening Cordial and
Blood Purifier. Sold by Fleming.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28
A Cannibalistic Repast.

George" she whispered, what
was that You asked for?'
Noodle soup, deaE"
But George, ism t itsomething like
cannibalism for you to eat such food
as that?" Boston Transcript
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28
Oregon and Washington.

No section of the country is today at
tracing as much attention az Mon
tana, Oregon and Washington; Mon
tana, because it now ranks first in the
production of precious metals; Ore
gon, because of its rich valleys, and
Washington Territory by reason of
its mild climate, timber, coal, miner
ais and wonderful production of
fruits and cereals. The rapid growth
OF Spokane Falls, with a water pow.
err exceeding even that of Minneapo-
lis; Tacsma, on Puget Sound, the
terminus of the Northern Pacific
Railroad, with $1,000 inhabitants {;
Seattle, so miles distand, an energet-
ic and thriving city, mark this section
of the Pacific Northwest as one tha;
offers peculiar inducements to those
seeking new homes.
BY writing Chas. S. Fee, General
Passenger Agent, Northern Pacific
Railroad, st. Paul, Mimi, he wilt
send you illustrated pamphlets,
maps, and books giving you valuable
information in reference to the count
ry traversed by this great line from
st. Paul, Minneapolis, Duluth and
Ashland to Portland, Oregon, and
Tacoma Seattle, Washington Terrific
ry. This road, in addition to being
the only rail line to Spokane Falls,
Tacoma and Seattle, reaches all the
principal points in Northern Mime
sofa and Dakota, Montana, Idaho,
Oregon, and Washington, possesses
unequaled scenic attraction, as well
as superior train equipment, such as
dining cars, the colonist sleepers fol
the use of intending settlers, neither
Of which conveniences are to bt
found on any other line ticketins
business to the States and Territoriet
named.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28

No injurious effects can follow TIL
use of Ayers Ague Cure. 1t contains
an unfailing antidote and specific for
miasmatic poiSonS, together with
remedial agents which purify and re
invigOrate the system.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28

DUNCAN EVE, MD
Prof. Science and Art of Surgery and Gin
' zeal Surgery.
WILLIAM T. GLENN, M. D.,
Prof. Physiology Gemmito- Urinary and Ven
ereal Diseases. ntHt
BUNYAN STEPHENS, NJ. D.,
Prof Obstetrics and Clinical Midwifery
WILLIAM D. HAGGARD, M. d.,
Prof. Gynecology and the Diseases of
...U. ..1.t Children. dt,f ntriH
WOODFORD NJ. VERTREES, NJ. D.,
Prof. Materia Medica and Therapeutics,
PAULF. EVE, Md, ,4, s..
Prof. General and Descriptive Anatomy.
JOHN S, CAIN, NJ, D.,
Prof. Practice of Medicine and Clinical
UuI lI Medicine. N 10
WILLIAM McCAMPBELL, NJ. d.,
Prof. Medical Chemistry and Toxicology.
WILLIAM G. BRIEH, NJ. D., LII. D.,
Prof. Medical Jurisprudence. ,..
JOHN G. SINCLAIR, ND,
rofDiseases, Eye, Ear and Throat
JAS. Y. CRAWFORD, NJ. d., ID. d. s.,
Prof Prophylactic Dentistry and Oral Sur.
gerry.
JAMES f. GRANT, NJ. D.,
Prof. Principles of Surgery.
OSCAR COPELAND, NJ. D.,
WILLIAM f. ARNOLD, NJ. D.,
Demonstrators of Anatomy.
Preliminary term commences the Sd Of
September 1887.
Regular term will begin the 9th OF 0 etc
Der, 1887.
Clinical facilities equal to the Northern
and Eastern Colleges.
For information or Catalogue, address
DUNCAN EVE, NJ. D., DEAN.
NASHVILLE, TENN.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28

English SPAWN Liniment removes
all Hard, Soft, or Calloused Lumps
and Blemishes from horses, Blood
SPAWN, Curbs, Splints, Sweeney,
Ring-bone, Stiles, Sprains, all Swollen
Threats, Coughs, Etc. Save $50 by
use of one bottle. Warranted. Sold
by j. B. Ritchey, McMinnville.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28

When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria,
When she was Child, she cried for Castoria
When she became Miss, she chung to CastoriA,
When she had Children, she gave then CastOria
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28

For sick headache, female troubles,
neuralgia pains in the head take DR.
j. III. McLean's Little Liver Pillets
- cents a vial. Sold by Fleming.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28

One of the pipes of the Standard
Oil Company, that brings oil from
the petroleum regions CT Pennsyl-
vania to New York, a distance of 4OC
miles, recently burst in Vernon
township, Sussex County, N. ]. Be.
fore the mischief was discovered the
soil in the vicinity of the broken
pipe became saturated and poisoned
with crude oil, and ruined for the
present. A large quantity of oil
flowed into the neighboring streams,
and the fishes died by thousands. II
is said the farmers will bring suits
for damages against the Standard
Oil Company, for injuries sustained
by this oil food.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1888-07-28

The dangers of a malaria atmos-
phere may be averted if you will &C.
casionally take dose of DR.. J. H.
McLean's Chills and Fever Cure. 50
cents warranted. Sold by Fleming.
The Penn's Grove record., 1888-04-14
Cotton Gins for China

On a visit recently to Ningpo, 1 was
informed that If the Americans would
make a hand cotton gin for the Chinese
it would meet with a ready and profit
able sale. There is a Japanese gin of
this kind worked by foot, but it does
not pick the seed well and is but par
TALLY adapted for its purpose. If the
Inventive genius Of our mechanics
could be directed to this they would
o o make a suitable gin. The Chinese
cotton Is coarse and very short staple.
The seed Is also small. The machinery
would have to be adapted to these con-
dili0ns. An American gin. such as
used in the South, with n crank to turn
by hand, could be easily suited to this
work. Anything not operated by man
ual labor would not be taken by the
Chinese, whose conservatism !c against
Innovations of too pronounced a type;
besides, their cotton planting is done
i'll small areas by small farmers. and
they are not accustomed to other than
the simplest machinery. II any gin
maker wishes the Idea elaborated, ]
could get the details for him.
The Penn's Grove record., 1888-04-14

SIT Is greatly to be regretted vas
remarked in the hearing Of an Illinois
farmer, "that farmers boys do not stick
to the farm. Itseems as II scarcely any
OF them do"
30, dunno" said the farmer. "I'ye
raised eight boys and they're all farm
ers 'cept one.n
as that SOP Only one of them caught
by the glitter Of the city, ehp"
Eyes, that's all. Poor Bob would go,
spite of all l could do-run away to the
city when he was II, and we amt new.
er seen him since, though it's been over
20 years. But l dunno but It's all right:
he hadn't no likin' for farm work, nor
wouldn't take NO interest in it. He jes'
naturally seemed to hate the farm and
didn't know enough about farm work
to drive ducks to water"
Eyes, l think 1t was better that he
should leave the farm. as he evidently
had no taste for 1t. Is he In the mercan-
tile businessp"
"Oh, no, nothing Of the kind" re-
Piled the farmer; mo; for the last ten
years Bob has been editor Of an agricul-
tural paper, He writes most all the
Hints to Farmers How to do Farm
Work. stick to the Farm, Boys, and
such things"
The Penn's Grove record., 1888-04-14
READ THIS, NERVOUS SUFFERERS.

DO Not ran to Heed the Warning.
Have you dyspepsia. indigestion, consti-
patton, kidney and liver disease? Every
hour you neglect them may take years
from your life.
Have you nervousness, weakness, nerv-
GUS debility, sleeplessness and exhaustion?
Every beat of our heart Is but a funeral
march towards your grave.
Have you neuralgia, rheumatism. epilep-
sy, palpitation, the tobacco or morphine
habit? Any one Of these is liable at any
moment to take you heart in its deadly
grasp.
Have you headache, loss of memory,
numbness, trembling, prickly sensation,
Geld feet or WEAKNESS OF the limbs? The
sword Of DamJcles is suspended above you,
for just so sure as you neglect the symp-
toms, just so sure will paralysis, insanity,
prostration or death follow.
Save yourselves from these alarming re-
suits while there is yet time by the use OF
that most wonderful discovery for the
nerves, DR.. Greene's Nervura Nerve Tonic,
which is a perfect and complete cure for all
the above diseases. Pronounced the great
est medical discovery of the century.
1t will take away o nervousness and
make your nerves strong aud steady. If
you are weak, tired and exhausted, it will
make you strong and vigorous. 1t will
cure your indigestion and dyspepsia, give
you an appetite, regulate your bowels, kid
neys and liver. IL will give you natural
and refreshing sleep, stop all palpltation of
the heart, trembling, numbness, headache
and neuralgia pains. ii is a perfect specific
for nervous debility and exhausted nerv-
Gus vitality. 1t is the best spring tonic,
invigorator and restorative in existence, for
it makes the weak strong, ~invigorates the
tired and oyerworked brain, nerves the
weary limbs, and restores health, strength
and vitality.
Dc not fail TO use this wonderful remedy,
and you are sure of a cure. For sale by all
druggists at 81 per bottle. If our drug
gist does not have it, he will get it tor you.
Insist upon having DIR. Greene's Nervura
Nerve Tonic. Its d~iscoverer, DR.. Greene,
is the great specialist in nervous diseases,
of IS West 14th St., New York, who can be
consulted free of charge, personally or by
letter,
The Penn's Grove record., 1888-04-14

Fire Under water can be pro uced DS
placing a small piece of PHOSPHORUS In
"a conically shaped glass filled with
water, and some crystals OF chlorate
of potash covering the PHOSPHORUS,
and then pouring through a long tube
funnel, or glass tube, a few drops OF
sulphuric acid down on the mixture
at the bottom of the glass. Tongues
of flame can be seen flashing up through
the water. The intense chemical act
ion produces sufficient heat to intiame
the PHOSPHORUS under the water.
Where there is sufficient heat and oxy-
gen lire will burn, whether i n air or
water.
The Penn's Grove record., 1888-04-14

Herr c. Eta says the tannin OF OAK
bark exists In two forms-frst, as u
tanmc acid, which in its free state has
a reddish white color, and second. as an
anhy drate of that acid, called "phloba-
phene," the color of which is brown
red. The distinction between these
two bodies is familiar to tanners, VINO
designate the anhydrate simply as
''coloring NATTER" and reject barks
containing too large a proportion OF 1t on
account of the very red color 1t impart'
TO leather treated with such barks.
The Penn's Grove record., 1888-04-14

A PAINFUL Loss.-"What's the
matter, Gusr You look as If you had
some great grief on your mind"
81 have"
'tWhat is it?"
"I've lost my big diamond ring"
'That's bad"
81 don't care for losing the ring, but
I'm afraid somebody will find it."
81 don't quite understand you. 1
should think you would offer a large re.
ward to the man who finds It,"
nd be willing to pay . reward to
the man who don't find it. You see, if
It's found, the fellow who finds 1t will
take it to a jewelry store, where it will
be analysed and identified as mine; and
the truth is l bought it at a hardware
store for thirty-seven cents, but the
public believe it is worth 50, 500. MY
standing in the community as a gentle
man is in danger. | didn't get a wink
of sleep last night"
The Penn's Grove record., 1888-04-14

A CAUTIOUS YoUTH.-I never see
you at any of the social gatherings this
winter.
Gus DE Smith-No, 1 stay away on
principle. If a man goes to balls and
parties, the first thing you know he is
down with pneumonia or sued for
breach OF promise. You don'5 catch
me taking any foolish chances.
The Penn's Grove record., 1888-04-14
Avoid extreme credit. This IS a
temptation that may lead to ruin.
II Sufferers from C consumption,

S%crofula, Bronchitis, and General Debility
will try Scots Emulsion of Cod Liver Oil
with Hypophosphites, they will find i'm
mediate relief and terminate benefit. The
Medical Profession universally declare it a
remedy of the greatest value and very pala-
table. Read : 81 have used SCOTS Emul-
sion In several cases of Scrofula and Debil-
ity in Children. Results most gratifying,
My little patients take 1t with pleasure
w. A. HUBERT, NJ. D., Salisbury, IL,
The Penn's Grove record., 1888-04-14
IH7EE 1INMiITE1ITT

GOING SHOPPING are O
goingp" asked a husband of his wife.
81 am going shopping. Can you let
me have some money?''
"Yes. Where are you going?"
"Oh, to Casherly's. and Ribbln and
Newbell's, and the Palais Royal, and
Smifkiu's Emporium, and a whole lot
more places"
"All right. How much money will
you wantY"
"Well, to make sure, you had better
give me about fifty cents. l want sey.
eral different colors of w~orsted."
The Penn's Grove record., 1888-04-14
A FIat

Some one has told you that catarrh is in
durable. 1t is not so. DR.. Sage's Catarrh
Remedy will cure it. 1t is pleasant to use
and it always does Its work thoroughly.
We have yet to hear of a case in which it
did not accomplish n cure when faithfully
used. Catarrh is a disease which it is dan
gerous to neglect. A certain remedy is at
your command. Avail yourself oft before
the complaint assumes a more serious form.
All dru kglsts.
The Penn's Grove record., 1888-04-14

Allow q cough to run until 1t gets beyond
the reach of medicine. 1hsy often say,
"Oh, it will veal away" but IN most cases
it wears them away. Could they be in
duced to try the successful medicine called
Kemp's Balsam, they would Immediately
see the excellent effect after taking the first
dose. Large bottles, 80 cents and Sl.00.
Trial sizeJree. At all Druggists.
The Penn's Grove record., 1888-04-14
Why Laura Lost Her Beau.
laura once had an afluent beau,
Who c,1laJ tui,a n tnrtn;rbt ,o

WuU cdIItU tWTuo q IUrFHIBHt, OF So
Now she sits, Sunday eve,
All lonely to grieve,
oh, where is her recreant beau,
And why did he leave Laura so?
Why, he saw that Laura was a anguish
ing, delicate girl, subject to sick headaches,
sensitive nerves and uncertain tempers;
INT knowing what a lifelong trial is a
frerful, sickly wife, he transferred his at
tentions to her cheerful, healthy cousin,
Ellen. The secret is that Laura's health
and strength are Slapped by chronic weak
ness, peculiar to her sex, which Ellen averts
and avoids by the use of DR.. Pierce's Fa-
vorite Prescription. This is the only rene
dy, Tor woman's pecu.ia r weaknesses and
ailments, sold by druggists. under a posi-
tive guarantee from the manufacturers,
that it will give satisfaction in every case
or money will he refunded. See guaran-
tee on bottle wrapper.