davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07
BRIGHT BITS.

SOMEBODY ASKS, Does it pay to be goodf'
II does when the business becomes fully estab-
lished; but you've got to sink money in the
rt.--Pttck.
Don't LAUGH when you see woman trying
TO drive a horse. 1t may seem funny to You,
but think how the poor horse must suffer-.
SoDterritIe journal
TUERE is genuine case Of the office seeking
man in Kentucky. He is country Postmaster
and has absconded with 800 worth of stamps.
BU'itagton Free Press.
II is little strange that among all the emf
Which have heIpef 9'T nome should have men
toned the dictionary -Nem Huren Ne,cS.
JoBsoN-We've had a hard winter
Jepson--A very hard winter.
Jobson--Did your pipes ever freeze?
Jenson-No, our pipes never froze, but the
water in EN- froze several times. Boston
Courier.
Mrs. FLATTE-There is no doubt about it; this
is the worst cook we have ever had. Positively
not decent thing to eat on the table-but she
does the wash most beautifully.
Mr. Flatte (gloonily)-Pity we can't eat the
wash Puck
OMAHA G1RI.-Did you really go to see la
ToScay' Why, the correspondents said it was
outrageously immoral
New York Girl-Well it isn't quite so bad as
that; but at the same time 1t is not the sort of
a play l would care to send my mother to-
Omaha World.
''IN the spring young mans fancy lightly
turns to thoughts OF love O, it does Ell? In
the spring young mans fancy doesn't do any
thing of the sort. 1t turns to thoughts of how
he's going o get in about 5000 hours Of four
hndred-dollar-a-w fun into fourteen days of
ten-d0liar summer vacation.-Puck.
"DlD you read about that cyclone in Illinois?
YES. 1t must have been a horrible affair."
Did you ever see a cycloney'
mo; but l can imagine what 1t would be
like"
'How?'
"A!y wife has three sisters visiting her.
Nebraska State Journal
LlrTLEMA ABEL was sitting next to very small
thin man in the horse car. She leaned over to
her mother and whispered; Mamma, l guess
God must have made that man on a rainy
day
what makes you think so, dear?"
"'Cause he doesn't look as if there was much
dust handy Merchant TrdUeler
You can take the Witness" said the prose
cutting attorney in trial before an Arkansas
court to the defendants lawyer.
Judge exclaimed q young man in the back
part of the room, standing up on seat and
and waving his hand wildly, 'don't let him take
her! That witness has been engaged to me for
morn three yearsN'-Chjcdgo Triblu1l.
STUDYING THE wEArHER.-"M Mamma, d" said a
pretty young thing in her new Spring street
costume. nave You the morning paperg'
NO, Clara; your papa took it down town
with him. There is yesterdays morning paper
on the table
"Oh, that will do just as well I only want to
look at the weather probabilities. Puck.
Il HEAR they are going to have donkey
party at BIS" said ParSonville man to his
neKhbor.
so understand" was the reply; ARE you
gongE'
they couldn't have the party without mst''
And he couldn't quite make out what the other
fellow was laughing at AUaHs Messenger.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07
Unreasonable Opposition


The New York Sun call S the river and
harbor bill job. 1t was to be expected
that the sun would alta ok the bill, and it
is probable that other New York newspapers
will do the same thing The New York
press is friendly to river and harbor appro-
pr,ations only so far as they are for the
benefit of New York. 1t is willing that mil
lions of dollars shall be spent upon its own
harbor, but it is not willing that other har-
bors and the rivers of the country shall be
improved. The reason is that it wants the
products of the entire country, that are in
tended for export, to pass through New
York, and it also wants that city to be the
distributing point for all imports. 1t is not
to be wondered at, therefore, that it always
speaks of the river and harbor bill as a
Job or 'steal"
The New York Press does not attack the
bill in way that is just and fair. 1t sim
ply insists that great appropriations are
made for the improvement of streams
which have no commercial Importance Y
does not point out these streams because 1t
cannot All the appropriations are based
upon estimates furnished by army engi-
neers, and they do not approve of wasting
the public money. 1t is doubtful if it is
possible to point out single appropriation
in the pending river and harbor bill which,
if properly expended, will not produce re-
suits that will be beneficial to commerce.
1t is certain that if 81 ,000, 900 were spent
in improving the Savannah harbor within
he next three years the commerce of Sa-
vannah would be doubled, and the saving
in freights and insurance would be i'm
mense. What, then, is the use Of boarding
money in tho Treasury when it OIL ght to be
in circulation, and when it can be put in
circulation in so good cause as that Ct in
creasing the commerce of the
country, aud in decreasing its burdens.
The policy Of building additional
vaults to hold the money which
the government is accommodating is not one
that commends itself to the common sense
of the country. The people would much
prefer to have the money spent for public
improvements, because they would be GER
tain to derive benefits from such improve
ments. If the New York Press is not Who'll
ly selfish it will cease its opposition TO the
river and harbor bill, and will devote some
of its space to pointing out how the money
appropriated by that bill will aid in de-
veloping the resources of tho country.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07
Statistics of Inebriates.

FTOHL me LOIdOH ITuU.
Mr.. Harrison Branthwaite, who keeps home
for inebriates at Twckenham, sends me some
statistics about his patients which are rather
interesting reading Mr.. Branthwaites object
is to show that drunkenness is a disease amen
able, like other diseases, to careful treatment"
On the whole, the figures seem to bear out this
conclusion, see that after being under treat
ment for an average period of about five
months, eleven patients out of fifty treated
have become abstainers, while only nine are re-
ported as ''relapsedh 1t also appears that in
as many as nineteen Of the fifty cases herdi
tary predisposiCion to drink was established
which seemed to show that in this, as in other
matters. our ancestors have q good deal to
answer for. The most interesting feature how
ever, in the table is the analysis of causes
Evidently convivisl disposition Is The
most fatal source Of bibuosity for
company" drinking Of oourse,) is credited
the patients are recorded as social in their
habits, against 1 who was 'mnrose' and who
was gloomy" Among other fertile sources is
domestic worry" which drove as many as II
poor fellows to drink This, coupled with the
fact that 30 of these 80 ''habituals" were I'M
married men, tells its own sad tale. The re-
manning causes are of all sorts and conditions,
ranging from business worry" which also
proved fatal in 7 instances, to election work, u"
which is responsible for one case. Further par
ticularS about this last case are much to be de
sired. Was he candidate? If so, was he re-
turned, and was there petition? My own i'm
preston is that he must have been paid can
vasser for Troy brewer. Let we warn every
one against mixing their liquors Twenty three
all kinds Of stimulant. Contrast this with
the fact that there was only exclusive wine
drin6er and exclusive beer drinker, and the
moral is obvious.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07
He subsidized.
From the Ne,o York World.


WASHINGTON. April THE recent sensation
in France in regard to Gen. Boulanger brings
out the story of one Of Congressman John j.
O'Neills travel experiences of the past summer
O'Neill did Paris with guide, and, during the
tour, which consumed about two days, he passed
many comments upon the rude and ignorant
ways of the infant republic These comments
he gave to the guide in the form of oratiOns,
and he managed here and there to interard
some of the long labor speeches of which he
had already delivered himself in the Forty
ninth Congress. He was full of the independ-
euce Of the American Congressman abroad and
he sneered at the toadyism which the lower
classes of the French people seemed to exhibit
toward the upper classes. Here" said he, as
they drove past a shop in which loaves of fresh
made bread shone out through the windows,
here is an instance. I've seen that name paint
ed on fully 100 shops this morning You people
never let a man grow prominent without wor-
Shipping him, and as for that man Boulanger,
whose name is painted up over these shops, he
may be great man, but in America we would
not worship him like God" The guide burst
into roar of French laughter, and finally ex-
planned TO O'Neill that "Boulanger" was the
French word for baker" and that the shops
he supposed to be eulogizng the French Gen
eral were merely bake-shops for the sale Of
bread, biscuits and rolls.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07
Terry's Retirement.

The announcement in our dispatches yes
terday that Maj. Gen. Alfred II. Terry had
been placed on the retired list was not unex-
pected. His health has not been good for
many months, and during last winter he
was in Florida with the expectation that
the mild climate of that State would bene-
fit him. He was retired at his own request,
and for the reason, doubtless, that his phys
ical condition was such as to unfit him for
the discharge of his duties.
Gen. Terry is not a graduate of West
Point, and is one of the few men who have
risen to such high rank in the army without
any military education. If he were rot a
man of excellent ability, varied attachments
and exceptionally good social qualitica-
tions he would not have overcome so easily
the difficulties t. advancement in the army
which non-graduates encounter. The
opinion has been expressed that he is the
ablest officer who has reached the rank of
Major General from civil life.
Gen. Terry's retirement presents near
possibilities for some one of the younger
are the Only Major Generals at present, and
they are both advanced in years Gen.
Sheridan is showing the effect of time The
officer appointed in consequences of Gen
Terry's retirement will stand therefore,
very good chance of being the ranking
Major General very soon a ID in The course
of a few years of commanding the army.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07
Assistance for the Waite Family.

Before the late Chief Justice Waite was
buried the suggestion was made that he
had left very small estate and that Con
gress ought to make some provision for his
widow. The chairman of the Civil Service
Commission, Mr. Edgerton, a lifelong
friend of the Chief Justice, published n
statement that nobody outside of the Chief
Justices family knew anything of his finan-
cial affairs, and that the suggestion about
providing for the widow was hasty one.
1t seems that Mr.. Edgerton's interference
in the matter was not altogether appre-
ciated, and he was induced to modify, in a
card to the public his first statement.
About as soon as a prominent public man
dies nowadays the suggestion is
made that the government or the
public shall take care of his
family, if he left only a small estate.
OF course if the dead mans friends want to
assist his family there is no reason why
they shouldn't, but there are very good
reasons why the government should not be
called upon to give big pension to the
widow and children of every distinguished
public servant who leaves no estate. Already
great many pensions of this kind have
been given, and every one is quoted as a
precedent for others. The pension burden
is now quite as large as the people care to
carry.
Chief Justice Waite served the country
we'll and faithfully, and could have retired
on pension two years before his death
He was paid for his services, however, and
he knew what salary he would receive be-
fore he accepted the office which he filed
so acceptably. The country, therefore,
owes him nothing. He left a very small
estate, but his sons are rich, and willing,
doubtless, to take care of their mother and
sister. If the family were in need of as
sistance Congress might be called on for
help, but they are not. 1t is doubtful if the
movement in favor of government aid and
popular subscription has the sanction of
the family
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07
index TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.

MEETINGS Travellers Protective Association.
SPECIAL NOTICES Bonds Wanted of Waycross
Lumber Co.; A Proclamation of Reward by the
Governor; Kieffer's Request to Mothers; As to
Bills Against Br. Bark Memlo; Grand Concert
and Lunch at Schwarz Brothers; Clam Chowder
at Graham's.
AUCTION SALEs-Household Furniture by
IaRoche & Mclaughlin.
LEGAL NoT1CEs-Application for Exemption
of Personally; Application to Sell Real Estate,
MEDICAL-Q uina Laroche.
SPECIAL ScHEDULE-Via Central Railroad to
Asheville, n. c.
SOLE AGESTs-Appel & Schaul.
HoTEL-Sweet Water Park Hotel, Salt
Springs, Fla.
STEAMSHIP ScHEDULE-Ocean Steamship Co.
PALMER MANUFACTURING Cot T. Chapeau,
Agent.
RAILROAD ScHEDULE-Florda Railway and
Navigation Co.
EXCURSION TICKET TO TYBEE ISLAND AND
RETURN-A. S Nichols, Agent.
CHEAP COLUMN ADvERTIsEMENTs-HelpW Want
cd; Employment Wanted For Rent; Lost;
Found; Personal; Miscellaneous.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07
Wedding Comments.
From the Baltimore Herald

From the Baltimore Herald
Here she comes,
Pretty. isn't she?
o Who made her dress?
Is it surah silk or satin?
Is her veil real lace?
She's as white as the wall.
Wonder how much he's worth?
Did he give her those diamonds?
He's scared to death.
Isn't she the cool pecei
That trains u horrd shape!
Isn't her mother a dOWdy?
Aren't the bridesmaids homely?
That's handsome usher!
Hasn't she cute little hand
Wonder what number her gloves aref
They say her shoes are fives.
If his hair isn't parted in the middlel
Wonder what on earth she married him for?
For his money. of course!
Isn't he Handsomely
He's as homely as hedgehogi
He looks like circus clown
No he's like dancing master,
Good enough for her. anyway.
She was always a stuck-up thing.
Shell be worse than ever now!
She Tilted Sam Somebody, didn't shes
No he never asked her
He's left town, anyway.
There, the ceremony has begun.
Isn't he awkward?
White as his collar
Why don't they hurry up?
Did she say she would "obey"
What precious fooly
There, they are married.
Doesn't she look happy?
Pity il she wouldn't!
(Wish | were in her place.)
What hands ONE coupled
She was always 4 sweet little thing.
How gracefully she walks
Dear me, what airs she puts on?
Wouldn't be in her place for farm!
I'll bet those jewels were hirei.
Well. she's Off her fathers hands at last
Doesn't she cling tightly to hum, thought
She has a mortgage on him now
Hope they'll be happy.
They say she S awful smart.
Too smart for him by jugful.
There, they are getting into the carriagei
That magnificent dress will be squashed!
The way she does look at himl
! bet she worships him
Worship be hanged; she's only making be-
lieve.
It's kind o. nice to get married, isn't itS
No, it's dreadful bore.
Wasn't it stupid wedding.
What dowdy dresses
III never go to anotheri
I'm Just suffocatedl
Tired TO DEATH
Glad it's overt
Oh, dearl
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07
Registered at the Post oc'ce IN Savannah.

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The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07

1t is well to keep up with the rumors in
connection with the Chief Justiceship, and
here is one that is probably correct. The
President is reported to have told Demo
cratic Senator what kind of a man he in
tends to appoint In the first place, he said
he would not promote an Associate Justice.
In the second place, he would not appoint a
Southern man, or make the selection from
his Cabinet In the third place, he would
appoint Democrat who is less than -
years old and who has good physical as well
as intellectual powers. The gentleman
selected need not have a national reputa-
ton, but he must possess eminent quaifica-
like Mr. Cleveland
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07
Don + a,d to Have II.
From TIE ST. Lln1Lis RennhIicnn

from Ue 81. IfOltlS hepuOtlC0n.
Every now and then some ambitious Demo
crat makes an effort to secure the Consulate of
the United States at the city of Dresden. This
position is held by Mr.. Mason of Virginia,
who belongs to the celebrated family of that
name who have figured prominently in political
and social affairs in the Old Dominion ami a
family which has produced many talented men.
The present Consul was appointed some ten or
twelve years ago, during a Republican admins
tratiOn. He Is Democrat hut this fact is not
generally known, and whenever an attempt is
made to take his scalp, the would-be successor
of Mr.. Mason invariably overlooks the politics
of the gentleman at Dresden aud simply takes
it for granted that he is a Republican. There is
a very interesting story in connection with Mr..
Mason's appointment. 1t was secured while old
Gen. Simon Cameron was a member of the
Senate. The man removed at the time was
Republican and staunch friend and sup
porter of Gen. Logan. When MasonS name
was sent to the Senate Gen Logan, became. it
is said, very angry, and, shaking his head re
marked;
oh this can't be donel my man can't be
turned out"
Old Gen. Cameron went over to Logan and
said
Now be easy, John; he easy Don't worry
about that. Your man has been in a good
while"
Gen. Logan cooled down for the moment and
began to make few inquiries about the new
nominee 1t was not long before Senator
Logan discovered that Mason was a Democrat
and this fact he announced to the venerable
Senator Cameron.
Il can't help that" said the latter, che is a
friend Of Don's; he went to school with Don {;
Don asked for the appointment and Don must
have the appoin tment
Logan protested, but it availed him nothing
The Camerons put this man in and he is holding
the fort up to the present time.
Not long since Democrat in looking over the
Consular list with one of his Senatorial friends
came across the name of Mason at Dresden
With great deal of glee he said Here's a
Republican, and / understand that the only in
huence he has is that of Senator Don Cameron
The Senator to whom he was talking smiled
and then said
Look mere, my friend, you don't know what
powerful man this Senator Don Cameron is
You had better try somewhere else. You won't
be apt to get Mason out.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07

Washington is aroused on the subject of
reckless and fast driving. The other day
Mr.. a. f. Paul. of thai city, while riding a
bicycle was run down and killed by pair
of horses driven Ivy a man named Chase.
There is no city in the country whore there
is so much pleasure riding and driving as
in Washington, and the streets have come
to be regarded as "A sort of race course.
People ride or drive along them at a fast
rate of speed, and owing to the smooth and
quiet character of he pavement the pedes-
TRANS are exposed to peculiar danger
Drivers have fallen INTO the habit of trying
to oyertake people on bicycles and Chase is
said TO have distinguished himself in the
pastime He has been arrested
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07
The Robbery of the People.

Prof Perry in Neto England Magazine.
The people are paying to-day, under color of
tarih taxes great deal more money than the
Treasury gets, and yet the part that the Treas
ury gets is vastly more than it needs for
econmical government. After long-continued
study of the proportions it is my firm belief
about 81 out of S. paid by the people under the
protective taxes since 1883
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07

BRIGHT LITERARY PRosPEcrs.-Fri TO
young wrter)-What do you hear from the
Every Other Monthly Magazine, Charley, in re
gard TO your MS.y
Young writer-It came back to me a day or
two ago with many thanks of the editors for
ing it," Mind you, Gus, not the thanks of a
single editor but the thanks Of every one OF EN-
on the magazine, aud there may be a dozen. for
all | know. | tell you, Gus, that was great
article, and I'm going TO send them something
else in a few days.--The Epoch.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07
Doesn't Like the Mugwumps.

From the PhiladeEDhid Press (Repl
The fact, as set forth by Brother George
William Curtis, that MIR Cleveland mas done
great injury to the cause OF civil service reform
will not prevent the Mugwumps from support
ing the President for reelection with all their
might and main. There was among the famous
snobs Of London one who delighted in Boosting
TO his fellows that his nose had been pulled and
his coattails kicked by a real lord-and the
American Mugwumps are clearly resolved to
emulate his example
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07
Black Sheen Not Wanted.

From the Louisville Courier Journal (Denl
Did the Republican party ever turn out of the
fold one Of its black sheep with half the prompt.
ness with which the Democrats of the General
Assembly have expedited the dismissal of the
late Treasurer of Kentucky? If that party has
eyer we done so well we should be pleased to see
bill OF particulars setting forth the fact.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07

Congressman Frank LAWYER of Illinois.
refuses to give his Washington address in
the Congressional Directory, and nobody
can blame him. He says that when he first
went to Washington he was so obliging and
accommodating to callers that all the ad-
venturers and claimants found him out and
focked TO see him. The consequence was
that he gave them not only the half of his
time, but also the half Of his salary. Now he
seeks to protect himself by keeping his ad.
dress a secret. The newspaper correspond
ents who are tired of writing about Con
gresham Martin, Of Texas. might turn
their attention to I4awler.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07

81 KNOW that you love me, IS she said sentiment
ally as he held her TO his vest
II know that you love me-" she repeated:
because when I lay my head against your
breast your heart beats so loud can hear IT,"
That" gasped the poor fellow, as the awful
truth dawned upon him, "that is not my heart
That's my Waterbury watch. "-Puck.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07

Chairman Barnum denies several times a
week that he is an anti-administration man.
Barnum doth protest too much. One good,
emphatic denial, backed up by works, is
enough. The Republicans arc determined
to find t-Cleveland Democrats.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-07

1t may be taken for granted that the Re-
publican papers which oppose ex-senator
Mahone's scheme for handing the Virginia
delegation over to Senator Sherman arc not
in favor Of Sherman. This being true, it
must be admitted that the strongest portion
ofthe Republican press is opposed to the
Ohio Senator.