The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1888-11-17
FROM THE FUNNY MEN.

grand saloon with an ark ght.-Harper's
Ba2dr.
DoN'r despise the man who has only
one shirt. The chances are that he
doesn't owe vely big wash bill.-Mer-
chant 7rduelT.
IT was not nip and tuck with the
burglar and the dog when the burglar
says he was nipped before he tuck any
thing. P5cGgune.
" PoLucIAN, amt you he inquired,
turning TO the passenger Immediately
behind him. " Yep; how did you
know ?" " Breath. Boston Gazette.
WHAT is the difference between Il
well-known haBjoist and one of Nym
Crinkle's criticism? One is Sam De
we're and the other is Da-.-Cd5ioon.
FIRST Baseball Player-Did YOU 20 to
ShoTtstop's wedding to-day? Second
BaseballPlayer-Of course | did. First
Player-How did it come of ? Second
Player-Declared tie.-Oacea Heck.
HELEN what in the world is the mat
ter with your face? You look as though
YOU might be first cousin To the Mika-
do" why. I've done up my front
hair In papers, and i guess it's little
tight. "-Harper' Bd-Gr.
WHEN Will this country reach the
apex of her glory ?" demanded the ora
tor alter lofty panegyric on America.
When we have base ball Kinks and
base ball ali winter" replied IA voice,
an answer which brought the orator to
short stop.-BOst9a Courier.
JONES, who had been much frightened
by recent publications regarding the
impurily OF the croton, called ut Il drug
store for little filtered water. "iloW
much 90 You want?' "A quart will do
i want to boil a couple Of eggs. -
Jt4dge.
FIRST rounder-''You seem TO be
flush" Second rounder-"Yes; got
lots o cash. Didn't We see by the pa
pers that Candidate Longpurse was in
the hands of his friends 2'' Yes" II IN
one of his friends. ~ Philadelphia Rec
ord
''SIGNoRIrA, the waltz has begun, may
l have the pleasure?" Excuse me,
Signor, do not like wrltzing" "Ah!
then perhaps YOU will allow me to con-
verse with you and keep YOU company
during this round?' ''Ahemi- Come, |
think we had better dance. 10 Spir-
ito E0lletO.
PHYSICIANS wife-What's the matter,
George? You seem depressed tonight ?
PhysicIan-I am dear. | nave most
puzzling case on hand. Old Robinson.
years, is getting well in spite Of all | can
do.-Harper'sBdzdr.
PROOF could no stronger be-"Yes,
Mrs. Coldsteak," said the old boarder
heartily, Il don't know person in the
world in whom | have greater conf
dence than | have III YOU. If YOU
please, Mrs. Coldsteak, ! will take an
other small piece of that mince pie. -
SomerUjHe Journal.
MoNCURE d. CONWAY saws it was never
religious custom in India for people to
throw themselves under the wheels of
the Juggernaut. We don't know
whether it is considered duty in this
country for our people to become VIC
tins OF the jug or not, but thousands
annually lose their lives by it.-NorriS-
torn Herald.
Mr.. RUsHQUrL (author of "The Slug
gers Bride" )-Ah, see Won have quite
a number of copies of that delightfully."-
interesting new novel, The Slug
Clerk at bookstore (effusively)-Ye
STREE. And since we put the price of
'em down from $3.50 to 10 cents they're
going of like hot cakes. Can't / sell
you a copy p Chicago Tribune.
BoBLEY soaking under his umbrella)
-Whew Don't you find it pretty
rough, Tom, to be ont in the rain this
way with your collar turned up and no
other shelter. Wiggins-No. I'm hap
Ply. a fellows lucky TO have even a
collar left TO put up alter a seaside va
cation. Had to put up about everything
else | had down there.-Jtd ge.
You've Frenchman-Ah, moi. Eet ees
fix by custom III Paree, when a young
man marry ne get certain number francs
from the father of the girl. Young
American-It isn't so in this country.
Here you must not only be able to sup
port the girl but often the rest Of the
family into the bargain. Say, what's the
fare to Paris.-PHiIadelpbia Record.
A FATIFUL Retainer-Mrs. st. John
What is it this time, Edwards? Ed
wards - Mrs Kerr Bristow's card,
a'am, Mrs. St. John-Did she leave
any message? Edwards-Yes. ma'am
she said as how she was always finding
You out. Mrs. st. john hope you re-
piled gracefully, Edwards? Edwards
Yes, ma'am; ! said as how | wasn't
aware that you'd done anything to be
ashamed Of, ma am.-1ime.
WHILE discussing the question as
Marriage a Failure" why doesn't some
one solicit the opinion Of Muley Hassan,
Sultan of Morocco? His testimony
should be worth considerable. He has
3 800 wives, and as none of them 90 out
washing or take in plain sewing, he is
obliged to support them all. And the
man who is willing TO pay the bills of
$500 wives must regard marriage as a
success. NOrTiStOlrR Herald.
DoCroR-"N Now, you must rise by day
light. 20 to the springs and drink the
waters, eat plain food only, and be very
careful about your diet. And, mind
you, one cigar a day-no more; be par
ticuIar about that. I'll call again in
three days. Ii you went me sooner
send for me-" On the third day the
doctor returns. "WeH, " says he, "how
are you getting along" Patient-''Nery
satisfactory. doctor" Doctor on
don't find the regimen hard to adhere t.,
do vou?" Patient-'Itwouldn't he if
didn't have to smoke the one cigar a
day. | never could beaI tobacco. Shoe
and Lecther Reporter.