National Republican., 1888-03-17
TALMAGE TRAVELLING,
AN INTERESTING LETTER IN LIEU OF
THE FRIDAY NIGHT TALK.
Two Dreams of u Conductor with a
Moral Attaohtd-one Full of Annoy
ancss and Horrors, the other Bright
with Pleasure and Happiness.

SEDhllA, MO, Mar. lb.-Inc Rev. i, DE WIZ
Talmage, d. d., now in this city, is m tklug
tour of the west. lie substitutes the following
letter for his usual Friday night talk ut the
tabernacle IN Brooklyn:
In my excursions on the railroads north,
south, east, and west, ain put much in sym.
patby With the conductors. No class of men
require more grace, because none have mora
tced upon them. One of them especially at
tracled my attention. He mad been on the
train all day. had met all kinds of people, re.
Ceived all sorts of treatment. punctured all
Kinds OF tickets, shouted "All Out2' and "All
aboard ~ till throat and head aud hand aud
foot were weary. II won be long while he.
fore we would get to another depot, and 30 he
tagged down IN the corner OF the car TO sleep
He was in the most uncomfortable position
possible, The wind blew IN his neck. his arm
was hung over the back OF the seat, he had
one foot under him, aud his knee pressing
hard Hgainsta brass hinge. in That twisted
and conv0luted position he toll asleep, and
soon began to dream.
II seemed TO him, iu his sleep, that the car
was full Of disagreeables Here was a m,n
who persisted IN having n window IN, while
the rain and sleet drove In. There was a man
who occupied the whole seat, and let the
ladies stand. Here sat man smoking three
poor cigars ut once, aud eNpcGtorating iuto
the beaver hat of the gentleman IN front.
Yonder was burglar on bis way TO jail, and
opposite a murderer goiug TO the gallows. lie
thought that pickpUCkets took bis watch and
travelling alone shot At him voley Of ques.
tions; Say, condu tor, now long before We
will get to the junction" Are you sure we
theref' there v" What WHAT time is ~" MADAM. do Eesp E
quiet" None OF your impudenCc"' How
far from here to the JUNCTION. "Dl yon
think tnet other train viii wail?' do YOU
luoior, how many miles YETI Are you
looking OUT" Now you wont let me go
Help me out With my ,carpel-bag, and band.
box, and shawl, and umbrella, AMI this
bundle of sausage. and head cheese" What
was worse, the train got going one hundred
goi en- the track and leapcd on again, aud the
stove changed places with the wood box, aud
things seemed going 10 terrible split and nu-
mitigated smash. The cities flew past. The
brakes were powerless, The whistle grew
into flend's Shrek. Then the train began to
SLOW up, ard sheetrd ghosts swung lanterns
along the track, and the cars rolled into a
white depot. which turned out to be great
marble tomb and looking back TO see MS pas
sepgers, they were all stark dead, frozen I'm
upright horror to the Car lacks Hearing by
the, mans snore and seeing by his painful
look he was having an awful dream, we tapptd
him on the shoulder aud said, conductor,
turn over that scat and take my shawl and
stretch yourself out and have o comfortable
nap" Thank you, sir" he said, and iume.
way possible He began his slumbers Just as
an express train gltded grdcefdlly out OF Pitts.
burg depot: then went nj II more earnestly,
IN five minutes was under splendid headway.
He began second dream, but IL was tn OPP
posite OF the first. He though: that he had Just
stepped on the platform Of his car aud lady
handed him II bouquet fresh from the hot
house. A long line of railroad presidents
and snperntendents had come to the depot TO
elidea out inio the open air. The car was an
| Improvement on Pullman's best. Three
| golden gOblets ttood at the end, and every
| time he turned the spigot OF the water cssk it
wAtpf-VHlilln
| one way, strawberry If you turned it the other.
| The cuSpadore was Id silver, aud had never
orange p,eling. The car was filed with lords
and duchesses. who rose and bowed as he
passed through to collect the fare. They all
insisted on Haying twice rs mreh as ,Mn was de-
| pany and keep the rest for himself stopped
u few minutes at Jolly Town, Gleeville, ana
Velvet Junction, making connection with the
Grand Trunk and Pan Handle route for Para.
disc. But when the train halted there was no
Jolt, aud when 1t started there was no ierh.
| The track was always clear, no freight
| train in the way. no snOwbank to be shoveied
| train always on time Banks of roses on
either side, bridges with piers Of bronze, and
faemen clai in cloth'oi.gold: The train wen
800 miles the hour, but. without any risk. iol
all the passengers were insured against aaci
dent in company that was willingto pay iou
times the price Of what any neck was worth
The steam whistle breathed as sweetly as an.
church choir chanting lis opening piece, No
body asked the conductor to see his tim
table, for the only dreld any nASShnyer hnC
was that of coming to the end OF his Journey
As night came on the selt.adj jlsiing cou 3h-
spread themselves on either side. patent boo.
jack rolled up and took your boots OF, unseel
fingers tucked the damAsk covers all abOlt
you. and the porter took yonr pOcketb0ok tc
keepti!l morning, returning II then with twie,
what you had in II II, nirhtiall. After awhile
the train SLACK ems TO one hundred and seventy
i've miles an hour, ana the conductor, iu hi
dream. announces that they are coming nea
the terminus. More brakes are dropped ant
they are running but ninety miles an hour
"How slow we goV Yes" says the condlic
tor, "we are holding up" Now they have Al
most stopped, going AT only seventy miles tht
hour. The long line of depOt lamps are flash
ing along the track On the platform of tn,
station are the lovers who are waiting 70
their betrotned. and parents, who have COM
with fortune, and wives who hay,
not been able 10 eat or drink since thei
spouses went away three weeks before. As
stops wedding bells peal, and the gong o
many banquets sounds, and white arms ar
flung about necks, reckless of mistake. an
innumerabie percussiOns OF affection ech
through the depot, so crisp and loud that the
wake the conductor, who thought that tn
bois'erous smack was on his own cheek, b,i
finds that he is nothing but bachelor railroa
man, with Il lantern at midnight getting on
into snow bank.
Application, Get au easy position when yo
sleep, if you have any choice between ange.
and gorgons. At midnight, selling Gheir,
ran into the next room, resolving to kill, Il
the first stroke, the ruilian who was murder
was no rufiian. The sweet girl had. dnrin
the lay, been reading of st. bartholomew
massacre, and was now lying on her bac
dreaming it all over again When dream
back. they cry out, Here is n fla
surface on which to skate and pa
tsVc Se sssR hsE 0s ali M1Ss 5Gd 10 M
is the nightmare. Many think that sleep
lost time. But the style Of your work will b
nightly affected by the style of your slumbei
sound asleep is sister of wide awake. Adar
was the only man who ever lost rib by nap
ping too soundly, hut when he woke mp h
iourd that, instead OF the twelve ribs wit
which he started, he really had nigh tw
dozen. Ry This prove that sleep is not sui
traction, but addition. This very night ma
that angel put balm on both your eyelids iiv
mi q ftnr bn nj