The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1888-02-27
: BILL NYE AT THE BANK.
He Couldn't Be Iden titled Because the Cash
Ter Didn't Know His Friends.

Ter Didn't Know His Friends.
ST. Louis Post Dispatch
About this time was calling at the First Ma
tional Bank OF Chicago, the greatest bank it I
not mistaken, in America. saw the bonds
securing its issue Of national currency the other
day in Washington. and l am quite sure the
bank in the Union. Anyway, it was sufficient
so that l felt like doing m% banking business
there whenever it became handy To do So
i asked for certificate of deposit of $1,000
and had the money to pay for it, but had to be
iden titled. Why" said to the receiving teller.
surely you don't require man to be ider tilted
when he deposits money, do your
Yes. that's the idea"
well, isn't that a new twist on the crippled
industries of this country
NO. that's our rule. Hurry up, please. and
don't keep men waiting who have money and
know how to do business"
''Well. don't want to obstruct business, of
course, but suppose, for instance, I get myself
identified by man l know. and 3 man you
know, and man who can leave bis business and
come here for the delirous JOY of identifying
me, aud you admit that am the man claim to
be, corresponding to description. age, sex,
etc, with tie man advertise myself to be. how
would it be about your ability to identify your
fe go all the owe. man chicago 'a Visiting all all
the large Dork-packne houses in search
of a man know, and who is intimate with lit
erary people like me. and finally we will say
find one wno knows me and who knows you, and
whom you know and who can leave his leaf
lard long enough to come here and identify me
all right. Can you identify yourself in such a
way that when put In my s.. 900 you will not
loan it upon insufficient security. they did in
Cincinnati the other day. as soon as go out of
town.
trade here not. so that you hurry up and let
other people.have chance. Where you make
a mistake is in trying to rehearse piece here
instead of going out TO Lincoln Park or some
where in a quiet part of the city. Our rules are
that man who makes deposit here must be
identified"
IAN right Do yon know Queen Victorian
ssWell then. these is no use in disturbing her
Do you know any Of the other crowned headsl'
'sNo, sir"
well, then, do ron know President Ceve-
land, or any of the Cabinet, or the Senate or
members OF the HouseW
mo"
That's it. you see. I move in one set and
you in another. What respectable people do you
know?"
I'm have to ask you to stand aside guess,
aud give that string of people chance. You
have no right to take up my time in this way.
The rules of the bank are infexible We must
know who you are, even before we accept your
deposit."
then drew from my pocket copy of the
Sunday Post-Dispatch which contained a
voluptuous picture of myself Removing my
four additional joints in my 1.-the aud versatile
limbs, l asked If any further Identification
would be necessary.
Hastily closing the door to the vault and jerk
ing the combination, be said that would be salts
factory. I was then permitted to deposit in the
bank.
do not known why should always be regarded
with suspicion wherever go. do not present
the appearance of a man who is stepped to crime,
and yet when out my trivial little two-gailon
valise on the seat of depot waitng-room big
man with red musrache comes to me and Kisses
through his clinched teeth: take yer baggage
off the seat" 1t is everywhere / apologize
for disturbing ticket agent long enough to sell
me a ticket. and he tries to jump through lit
tie brass wicket and throttle me. Other men
come in and say: "Give me q ticket for Bando-
line. o., and be d sudden about it, too" and
they get their ticket and 90 aboard the ear. and
get the best seat, while am begging for the OPP
portunity to buy seat at full rates and then ride
in the wood box. l believe that common
tesy and dscency in America needs protection.
Go into an hotel or hotel. whichever suits the
eyether nyether reader of these lines. and the
commercial man who travels for big sausage
casing house in New York has the bridal cham
Der. while the meek and 1owly minister of the
gospel gets wall-pocket room with cot,
slippery elm towel, cake of cast-iron SOAP a
disconnected bed, view of the laundry, tin
roof, and 81 day. BILL NYE