The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1888-11-22
NEWSPAPER HUMOR.

Yours in disgust,
N. G. HEAR,

Written with u Six Dollar Pair OF Shears
Why was Adams first day the long
est Because there was no Eve.
When did Absalom sleep four in a
bed When he slept with his fore
fathers.
The editor who runs clean paper oc-
casionally has the opportunity to laugh
at the discontinue of those who pur-
sue different course.
Jeweler-ls your watch all right now
Mr.. Smith
Mr.. Smith-Well, no, not yet; but it
seems to be gaining every day.-Ner
York Sun.
A Western paper chronicles a marriage
in this suggestive style : THE couple
Besolved themselves into a committee of
two with power to add their number" "
A Uniontown turkey was observed on
fence the other day intently studying
an almanac and reckoning on his toes
how long it was from Thanksgiving,
A New York story paper offers So for
every original joke. This is base at
tempt to inflicG more alleged humorists
on an already ong-sutfering country.
A Chicago gentleman has sued the
Times for 800, 900 damages to his char
acter. The Times asks him to knock off
the cyphers, take a dollar. and call it
square.
81 am on my way home, doctor" SAID
citizen who was after some free ad-
vice. land I'm tired and worn out,
! What ought to take =
Take cab" replied the intelligent
physician.
Il beg your pardon, but aren't you
mistaken 2 couTteously said a gentle
man to pretty shop girl, with whom
he was dealing.
II am miss, but not yet taken, sir, -
she replied with dropping eyes.
An indianapolis paper says of an Indi-
ana Senator : His chagrined look
when he clutches that pointed beard to
milk his brain, and the won't give
down. has a most depressing look to all
beholders."
Less than two months for girls to take
advantage Of leap year privileges. To
iCdHdd ReUieIC. And the bachelder edi
tor sighs for fear some of them may not
avail themselves of the privileges. I"
-Wduerly Free Press.
Half pound of shot Judiciously ad-
ninistered to sympathetic cats, at this
season of the year, will bear fruit in in
creased hours OF slumber throughout
the summer and have tendency to pre-.
vent corner in the chicken market.
An exchange says it has received one
ticket TO the reception by the graduating
class at the rink tomorrow evening. As
only one was sent it was probably in
tended for the office boy. The editors
take their wives when attending a re-
ception of this kind.
Publisher of Sunday paper-How did
this happen to occur?
News editor-How did what occur?
Publisher OF Sunday paper-Yester-
days paper had ten lines Of religious in.
telligence in IL.
News editOr-lt got in by mistake, sir.
I'll see that it doesn't happen again.
Aggie-How did George propose to
you ?
Nellie--He rushed into the parlor the
day after we had been introduced, flung
$50, 900 worth Of bonds in my lap, kissed
me eagerly seventeen times, and cried
out Darling, YOU must be mine So
became his.-Time.
Author ito publisher)-Well. how about
my book Does it maintain its place in
literature
Publisher-I don't know anything
about that, but know it holds its own
pretty well on my shelves. | haven't
been able to get rid OF any but compli-
mentary copies thus far.-Terds SIT
ing