The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1888-07-12
WIT AND nUMOR.

/
1t always returns the bow.-SyrGcuSe
-Aduocate.
One of the main questions of the
age in regard to some men, is not
What they live on but Why they live
on?-IId-B
1t is when a man has been mentioned
| in the newspapers as lone of our most
| prominent citizens" that he begins TO
stay oct late nights.-Lye.
''Did YOU say you were fitting for
| Harvard?'' Yes, | can stand dozen
beers already and expect to make it
| twenty before September. ''-Toaon
Topics.
Mark Antony is in the grocery bust
ness at Atlanta. Probably Ike keeps a
| good stock of taffy and chewing-gu
to draw the Cleopatronage.-Spring-
| FIELD Union.
Edison's agent-Wouldn't you like
to buy photograph? 1t viii store up
everything you say and repeat tito you.
| Want one? Omaha man-No; got a
wife, Omaha World.
We have reached the time of year
when the young man whose income is
limited to SO, 900 can send a few cut
! flowers to his fiancee withoutdepriving
| himself of the necessities of iife.-Har-
| pcr'S BazGr.
Tom-Got toothache? Why don't
you have it out? Rob-Well, L don't
| mind having leg oif-but a tooth,
it Tom-Well, have a leg off,
then-it will take your mind off the
tooth.-Ltfe.
mabel Appleton" the pet of the late
Mr.. Tom Appleton of Commonwealth
avenue, was taken Tuesday to DR.. Al
| Watts and had four teeth extracted and
the nails of her paws manicured.-
Boston Paper.
john" said his wife (they were in
sleeping-car berth), ''for goodness
sake, wake upr' "Wha-what's the
matter?n You are snoring so, peo-
pie will think we're off the track. -
-NeU York. Sun.
Skaggs-And so McGaggle was de-
! feated? | thought the majority of his
ward were his personal friends. Lagos
That was the trouble. They were.
But they thought he wasn't fit for the
of1ice.-79d-BitS.
Time, q. IN. Mrs. Smith is attired
in deepest black. Mr.. Smith Center
ing)-What do | s-see? In m-mourn-
ing? For whom-for which-for who?
Mrs. SMITH am in mourning for the
late Mr.. Smith.-Itd-Bits.
A lady writing on kissing SAYS that
a kiss on the forehead denotes reverence
for the intellect. She doesn't say so,
but kiss on the back of the neck is a
| proof that the young woman don't
hold still.-N0rristOUn Herald.
A Philadelphia doctor SAYS: "If
you want your wife to be healthy, make
her cry about once a fortnight We
would suggest, however, that the plan
may prove healthier for the wife than
for the husband. -NesC HaUen NeaUS.
Elsie recovering from a faint)-Did
you kiss me, Mr. Smith, when | Law
helpless? Mr.. Smith-No, Miss Elsie,
/ swear | did not. Elsie-Idiot!
| (Makes up her mind to accept Brown
the next time he calls -Io,Cn Topics.
Say, Jack, I see you wear military
hat and people call you Captain. l
didn't knowyou were cverin the army?"
"Well, no, never was, but L am draw
ing d pension and feel as though I
ought to do something for it.''-Bur-
dete.
What would you say, Bobby" re-
marked the minister who was dining
with the family, ''if l should ask
your mamma to let you have another
piece of pic?' Il would say amen, >"
replied Bobby deyoutly.-New York
Sun.
Ambulating vender (to old farmer)-
Buy some toothpowder?- Farmer
D you, don't you see [ have no
teethP A. V.-Well, foryour false set?
| t.-Have none. A. V.-Better buy a
box; you may get a wisdom tooth be-
fore you die.-Io1C1D Topics.
Small brother-And, Jack, I heard
pa say that if you didn't graduate this
year he'd make it hot for you. Jack
Loafer dropped three years)-It's
strange, Bobbie, my boy, what differ
ence in temperature that one degree
does make.-HdrU0rG LampoOn.
Omaha man CATER an Introductory
Happy to meet you sir. Are you
Mr.. Blinks, the noted pedestrian who
walked from New York to San Fran
cisco? Mr.. Blinks-No, l am Blinks,
the actor, who walked from San Fran
cisco to New York.-On,aha World.
CLARA" said the old man from the
head of the stairs, ''say to that young
fellow that a storm is coming up"
':All right, sir; thanks responded the
young fellow himself Il hadn't
noticed it. | think I'll wait and see if
it doesn't blow ever" -NetO York. Sun
| Patient-Doctor, I can't sleep at
night. | tumble and toss until morn
ing. Doctor-Hm, that's bad. Let
me see your tongue. (After diagno-
sIs): Physically you are all right. Per-
haps you worry over that bill you've
owed me for the last two years.-ITd-
Bits
First businessman busy with pile
of letters)-Yes, I'm most dead. and
my correspondence not half done. |
wish could afford to adopt your plan.
You dictate to that pretty girl type
writer yet, | suppose. Second 3. III.
Dictate to her yet? Not much | don't.
We're married omaha World.
MIR. Mould, the undertaken, was COM
planning about business and appeared
somewhat discouraged. sUriah.' sug-
gested his wife, wonderif wouldn3t
brighten things up little if YOU
were to offer bargain sale of collins
for the next thirty days? ! think peo-
pie would take advantage of little
Epoch.
How is it, my DEAR" said hus-
band to his wife, ''that while you and
and your sister Ellen are so much alike
IN most respects, you Were married
and she prefers to remain single?
surely she has had offers enough. :"
Yes, love, but Ellen was ALWAYS more
difficult to please than I."-NeaU YORK.
Sun.
A Florida hotelkeeper retiring at the
end of an Improbable season re-
marked: 1T is with feeling of sad
| ness that | retire from active control