davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1888-08-29

On the subject of humor we always
believe the female sex have suffered an
injustice. Nothing is more common than
to hear it laid down as an axiom that
women have no sense of humor. To ac-
ccpt such an accusation against a sex
which has produced in England alone
George Eliot, lane Austen, Mrs. Trollope,
the ever delightful Mrs. Gaskell. and may
we add Miss Broughtou2 is manifestly
unfair. The fact is, women who nave a
sense Of hunIor for the most part DELHI
]crartuly conceal it. The negroes always
have a theory that monkeys can speak if
they like, but decline &c do so for fear OF
being made to work. 1t is from a very
similar reason that women decline to be
humorous. They are afraid of being
found out n made to exercise this Ian
gcrous accomplishment. Nothing civil
lied man enjoys more than to laugh
with, OF less than TO be laughed at by, a
pretty woman. The fear of ridicule has
saved many a man from ove~rstepping
the border line between friendship and
sentiment, and II Eve had had a sense of
humor it may be doubted if Adam would
ever have had the courage to marry her,
and where should we all be2
A man in love is always ridiculous, ex-
cept Sir Charles Grandson, and he is out
of date now, and who can blame the
other sex if they sternly restrain their
latent sense of fun, at any rate till after
the honeymoon; but l fancy if some of
those young gentlemen who discuss their
partners SO complacently over n last cigar
could hear the piquant comments these
demure partners interchange in the
security of their own rooms, they would
sense of the ludicrous they display. 1t is
a matter of common observation that
women become much more amusing after
marriage, but few have hitherto under
Society.
, 1888-08-29
Advice to tho college Graduates.

The Hon. Oscar S. Stratus, United
States minister to Turkey, In addressing
the students of Robert college on>the oc-
casion of their annual exercises, made
SOM very apt remarks about the danger
of a college graduate regarding himself
as educated when he has received his
diploma. eff you cease learning when
you have Won your diplomas, you will
never be educated" is a maxim which
might with advantage be repeated else
where than in the latitude of CONSTANT
nople. The education of school or col
lege is simply the teaching Of its pupils
how to employ such intellectual aptitudes
as they possess, and it is successful in the
ratio that 1t turns out men with a capac-
ity for clear thinking and just reasoning
about any subject presented to them.
The ordinary college is, as the Germans
phrase it. a gymnasium, only the facul-
ties to be developed are those of the mind
Instead of the body.-The Epoch.
, 1888-08-29

What will become of the novel writers
and h publishers when the photograph
is fully perfected and its now youthful
powers are matured2 For instance: a
novel once written need never, and prob
ably will never, be published in book
form. Novels will not be read at all;
they will be spoken, listened to. A book
once written, the writer will no more
seek a publisher. he will assign 10
proper persons, men and women, the
characters he has created, selecting his
cast with n view to vocal excellence only.
These ~pcrsonages, assembled in the pres
ence of n monograph, will take their
proper turns in speaking into the ma
chine.
When the nan has been talked to
n conclusion, the phonograph contains
what may be termed a vocalized novel, a
book unlike any book printed in n
known language. To enjoy hat novel it
is only necessary TO be possessed of the
counterpart of the cylinder bearing the
phonogram or speech writing hat was
placed therein. This cylinder, in nm
other photograph, will give forth the
voices of those who spoke the words Of
the writer. A careful selection of the
voices, their preservation in the phono-
gram, and their subsequent giving forth
in the monograph, must result in a
method of enjoying the work of the
writer infinitely more pleasurable than
the reading of the same words from the
printed page. a novel in the form of a
p%honogram may be n whole opera in it
self, capable of comforting pleasure, not
upon one reader, but upon q room full Of
listeners. -Pittsburg Bulletin.
, 1888-08-29

Marriage is a concern of society, which
has to furnish the binding and the loos-
ing, and to take this consequence in the
burdens thrown on it by bad marriages,
and by parties becoming worthless after
marrying. In II perfected social statn
society would supervise the marriages,
and n committee of impartial scientific
persons would judge what males and
females are physiologically compatible,
and thus would plant the harmony of
wedlock on a scientific basis. This would
make marriage as certain in its fitness,
compatibility and consequences as a
chemical union of affinitive prope
ties. An inharmonious marriage would
be impossible, save by the slip of over
looking some latent property in one or
the other, such as may sometimes defeat
even a chemical process or the prognosti-
cation of so exact a science as astrology.
But with the ever accommodating tests, the
liability to make a mistake would be re-
duced to a mere ~nominality. While this
would Danish divorce, it would steadily
elevate the race, which, under the aban-
donment of the physiological laws in
leaving marriage to chance, is degenerat-
ing in comparison with the animals who
are subjected to science. Samuel Rock
well Reed,
, 1888-08-29
Song for the Funeral.

There is a grewsome old melody
which some ono mothers use to scare
the children into good behavior. 1t is
about an old woman all skin and bone,
and when rendered with the sepulchrai
vocal chord at full tension it is n weird,
weird ballad. There was n funeral the
other day and some fine music was rem
dered by the choir of one of the churches.
When one OF the ladies got home her son,
8 years old, very bright, very handsome,
a beautiful boy-not like other children
Il am quoting the mother, for whose
opinion | hold that respect that a man
does whose mother has always been a
consistent advocate of his beauty
tackled her for information.
"Who was it, mar"
IAN old lady"
"Was she very old?"
Eyes, very old; she was so years
old"
"And did she der
Yes; she was dead"
"And did you sing2"
Yes"
"What did you sing, mammal Did
you sing There Wa an Old Woman All
Skin and Bone?' San Francisco
Chronicle.
, 1888-08-29

English cavalry officers have been tho
means Of furnishing people from the states
with a novelty in watches. The cavalry
men have found 1t convenient while on
horseback to carry their timepieces on q
strap around their wrists to save them.
selves the trouble of unbuttoning their
Metropole a few days ago with a watch
worn as a bracelet, and now nearly every
American who wants 10 be In style carries
his timepiece in this manner. They are
really Of value 20 men on horseback
London Cor. New York Press.
, 1888-08-29
Dr.. Wagner cu.
sFGOIAEIsTS

We offer no apology for devoting no much
and attention to this much neglected cl
diseases, believing that no condition of hu
ity is too wretched to merit the ympathy
best services of the profession TO which we be
long, as many are innocent sufferers, and
to relieving the amicted and saving
them from worse than death, is no less "A
philanthrophist and n benefactor to his race
than the surgeon or physician wholly close APP
plication eXcels IN any other b anch OF his pro-
fession. And, fortunately forhumanity, the day
IL dawning when the false philanthropy that
condemned the victims of folly or crime, like
the lepers under the Jewish law, to die uncared
for, has passed away.
YOUNG MEN
Whomay b. suffering from the efiectso Of youth
full follies or lndiscretions, will do well to avail
themselves of this the greatest boon ever laid
at the alter of suffering humanity. DIR. WAC
NER will guaranteeto forfeit five hundred dol
lars for every case of seminal weakness or pri-
vate disease of any kind or character which he
undertakes and fails to cure.
MIDDLE-AGED MEN.
There are many men OF the age OF 30 to 90 who
are troubled with too frequent excavations of
the bladder often accompanied by n slight
ing OF the system in n manner the patient can
not account for. on examining the urinary de
postts a ropy sediment Will often be found, and
sometimes small particles of albumen win APP
pear, or the color will be of akin or milkish
hue, again changing to a dark and turbid apc
pearance. There are many men who die of
this difficulty ignorant of the cause, which is
the second stage of seminal weakness. DIR.
Wagner will guarantee n cure in all such
cases and a healthy restoration of the genito-
urinary organ. Consultation free. Thorough
examination and advice. $500.
See. the Doctors additional advertisement in
the Daily Denver News and Tribune-Republi-
can.
All communication should be addressed
DIR. WAGNER & co.
lf4 Larimere street. Address, Boxl 27S3, Den
yer, Colorado.
Cut this out and take along
, 1888-08-29
Discoveries More Valuable Than Cold

Are Santa Able, the California discovery
for Consumption and diseases of the
Throat, Chest, and Lungs, and Califor-
MIA Cat-R Cure, the only guaranteed cure
for Catarrh, Cold in the Head aud kin
dred complaints. They are sold at 81
per package, or three for 81. so, and are
recommended and used by the leading
physicians of the Pacific coast. Not
secret compounds, Guaranteed by Dr..
W. N. Hunt.
, 1888-08-29
When your skin is yellow.

When your skin is full of pimples you
need a good blood medicine that can be
relied upon. Beggs' Blood Purifier and
Blood Maker is warranted as a positive
cure for all of the above, so you can not
possibly run any risk when you get a bot
tie of this wonderful medicine. w. N.
Hunt druggist.
, 1888-08-29

The ORIGINAL ABIETINE ONT
in ME boxes is o GnIy I put sn up II large er two ro Oqn o9a
sores, burns, wounds, ehapped hands and
kinds of piles. Ask for the ORIGINAL
ABIETINE OINTMENT. Sold by DR..
w. N. Hunt, at 25 cents per box-by mail
80 cents.
, 1888-08-29
Not What He Wnntcd.

''See here, waiter, l asked you for a
glass of milk"
II know it, sir. That's milk you have
in the glass"
"Ohl excuse me. l thought it was
chalk-le "-Harper's Bazaar.
, 1888-08-29

Cuticura, the great skin cure, and Cutlcura
Soap, prepared from II, externally, and Cuti-
cura R~esolvent. the new blood purifier, inter
nally, are n positive cure for every form of
skim and blood disease, from pimples to scrof-
ula.
, 1888-08-29

Steps are being taken by the state for
EST commission of New York to establish
an extensive preserve for the breeding of
wild deer.
, 1888-08-29

Sold everywhere. Price, Cuticura, Soc; Soap,
&c; REs9lyent, 81. Prepared by the Potter
10 Send for "How to Cure Skin Diseases
o. pages, so illustrations and 100 testimonials.
, 1888-08-29

Clothing of all kinds were never known
to be as cheap as now. Call at |. Green
trees and be convinced.
, 1888-08-29
MONROE, N. c., Oct. %, 1887.
THE POTTER DRUG AND co.

MONROE N. u, oct. %, 1887.
THE POTTER DRUG N CHEMICAL Co.
GenAeDlen.-Mr. WINS. Stephenson of this
county brought his son to town to-day to let
us see him and to show us what Cuticura
Remedies had done for him. This is the case
referred to in our letter TO you some time ago
To look at the boy now one would suppose
that there had never been anything the mat
ter with him-seems to be in perfect health.
We have written and herewith inclose what
the father has to say about the matter,-wrote
IL Just as he dictated.
We are selling quite n quantity of Cuticura
Remedies and hear nothing but praises for
them. We regard the Cuticura Remedies the
best In the market, and shall do all we can TO
promote their sale. Yours truly,
& RUNER
nrnpnlsiS and Rhnr1nnnlsts
, 1888-08-29

A carpet has been laid down in tho
Music Hall at Cincinnati that measures
:, 1000 yards.
, 1888-08-29

pTMPLES, blackheads, red, rough, chapped
Soap.
, 1888-08-29
A FRlGHTFUL SKIN DISEASE.
sunerings Intense. Head Nearly Raw.
Body Covered with sores. Cured
by the Cuticura Remedies.

MEssRs. & BRUNER: Monroe, N. G.
Dear - two months ago, on read
Ing your recommendation, l bought n bottle
Cuticura Resolvent, one box Cuticura Salve,
and one cake CuticuraS Soap, for my son, aged
IL years, who has been afflicted with eczema
for a long time, and l am pleased to say that |
believe the remedies have cured him. His
sufierings were intense, his head being nearly
raw, his ears being gone exceptthe gristle, and
his body was covered with sores. His condi-
ton was frightful to behold. The sores have
now all disappeared, his skin is healthy, eyes
bright, cheerful disposition and working every
day. My neighbors are witnesses to this re-
markable cure, and the doubling ones are re-
quested to call or write me or any of my neigh
bors WIN, S.
Winchester P. o., Union Co, N. G.
, 1888-08-29

Job Printing neatly executed at the
Leader Job Printing Rooms.
, 1888-08-29

An oiled silk lining is a new fad fol
bathing dresses.-Inter Ocean
, 1888-08-29

DR.. WAGNER & C(
PARIS UNIVERSAL EXPOSITION

Cut this out and take along
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1888-12-06
"Milk Fever. -

Please give me directions for the
prevention Of milk fever in COWS. al
SO a remedy for the disease.-FAR-
MER, Lees6urg, Ia. Moore Bros.
general COW drink, given Immediate
ly after calving, is a preventive.
Fat COWS should be walked twice a
day for four days after calving; their
diet should be only hay and little
bran until the fifth day after parturi-
ton. High-bred heavy mixers
ought never to be fat at calving time
but there are many breeders who per-
slst in having fat, sleek COWS. Of
course there are a few animals that
carry fat in spite of US. But, as a
rule, the feeder and not the COW
should bear the blame. 7-Countyy
Gentleman.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1888-12-06
Novelties Impossible TO Enumer
Caring for the Poor.

thanksgiving and the holidays ar,
the occasions when christian CHAIR
ties are more manifest than at an,
other season of the year. Thanks
giving last Thursday appears to have
been one of increased liberalities or
behalf OF the poor: the wants of the
destitute classes in the large cities
were magnihcently anticipated This
speaks we'll for growing interest in
the welfare of humanity. Some.
times remark is heard, which lars
on the harmony of general good will
I'VE have no poor in our church.
SAID a self satisfied man. The mar.
rowness Of such a declaration excites
feeling of pity rather than COM
mendatlon. Christianity recognizes
no such limitations to duty. "Who
is our brother is not he only who
belongs to our religious circle. or in
the told of our particular church
Our moral obligation does not cease
when those of our own faith have
oeen Clothed and fed. If it were so.
then it would offer reward for be-
coming members of the church. and
leave those out of the church TO
shlver In the cold. The Savior Of
mankind taught broader religion.
that knows of no such distinctions
there are few cold, calculating
people. who, when asked to aid a
family in a needy condition, make re-
ply; The law has made provision for
all such persons, and there need be
no suffering for lack of food, cloth
ing or other necessaries. Tell those
IN want that relief is for them in the
poor house, and every word sounds
like a death knell, if they are sensi-
tive, especially such as have seen
better days. Poverty is no crime.
nultltudes through no fault of their
own, have the misfortune to be Door
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1888-12-06

1T is about quarter of centur,
since the southern rebellion was sub
dued. and an era of peace through
out the Union it was expected woull
soon follow. 1t was believed tn,
states of the south would accept thu
changed situation, and that the feel
ing of irritation consequent on de-
feat would wear away on the part Of
the vanquished. The reasonable ex.
pectation of the friends of the Union
has not been realized: time has not
reConciled the south to the altered
condition caused by the war. lust
now scheme has been preached
and supported by southern leaders of
considerable influence to disfran-
chlse all the negroes and reduce
them to condition of peonage.
Representative Oates. of Alabama. a
prominent southern member, is out
spoken OF the plans and purposes for
the deprivation of the negroes of the
right of suffrage, insisting there can
be no peace for the whites while the
colored people are on an equality
before the law in their SUFFRAGE
rights. How large following those
OF this class have is perhaps larger
than generally supposed. A cores
pondent in the Inter Ocean, who had
an interview with General Harrison
at indianapolis on Thanksgiving
day on the subject of DISTINGUISHING
the negroes, asked the General
whether he thought there were
many men in the South who agreed
with Representative Oates, was re-
piled to, eyes, all the white men who
suffer their passions and prejudices
TO control their judgment" He pro-
ceeded to say that such a measure
would restore slavery with none of
It's benefits, but with disastrous con-
sequences. The amendments ADOPT
ed to the constitution, it will be said,
render such proceeding prohibited,
but it is absurdly intlmated that the
constitutional prohibits are defec-
tive. Fortunately we have still a
Republican majority on the bench of
the Supreme Court. There is prob
ably no danger of anything serious
coming out of these disloyal utter
ances: it only postpones the day of
lnal adjustment of the affairs be-
.ween the northern and southern sec
ions of the Union.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1888-12-06
Ringing Noises.

In the ears, sometimes roaring buzzing
sound are caused by catarrh, that exceed
lngly disagreeable and very common dis.
ease. Loss of smell or hearing also result
from catarrh. Hoods Sarsaparilla, the
great blood purifier, is a peculiarly success.
ful remedy for this disease which it cures
by purifying the blood. If you suffer from
catarrh, try Hoods Sarsaparilla the pecul-
lar medicine.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1888-12-06
The Song Of Songs.

I'm man thet's fond O music,
An wen folks are not Ground,
kin make our old accorjun
Squeak mi ghty takin' sound:
An tibet banter hangin' yander,
With its gentle pink, plank, pink,
'Pyears to git plumb at the bottom
Of the deepes' thoughts I think.
Does me heap O good on Sundays
For the pray'r at church is said,
'jes to stand an hyear cold Hundred"
Soarin' fur up overhead
An | most kin spy the angels
Leanin' 'crost the gate up thar,
When old Abrum Blackburn's darter
LEAFS us in "Sweet Your O. Pray'r."
But et you sh'u'd want to see me
Wen | hev my broades' smile,
You must ketch me in the kitchen.
Wen the kittle s on the bile!
Fer | claim that amt no warblin'
Ever riz on red-birds' wings
Thet kin holt a taller candle
10 the song the kittle sings.
Seems ez eff my soul gifts meller
In the kittle's first sweet note,
Till | fancy weddin' music
Screakin' f'om the iron th'oat.
oech times, eff [ squent my eyes up,
In kin fahly 'pyear to see
DID man Abrum Blackburn's darter
Smilin' thoo the steam at me
y. W. McGLAssoN, in Century Bric-a-B b
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1888-12-06
An Absolute Cure.

The Original Abitine Ointment is only
put up In large two ounce boxes, and is an
absolute cure for old sores, burns, wounds
chapped hands, and all skin eruptions.
Will positively cure all kinds of piles. Ask
TOR the Original Albitine Ointment Sold
by Starkweather & Co, at Is cents per box
by mail 80 cents.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1888-12-06
Kohl & Middleton's

South Side Dime Museum, Clark Street.
near Madison street, Chicago. Monster
Museum Of Maryels Everything changed
every week. Three theatres.
KOHL & MIDDLETON'S
West Side Dime Museum, West Madison
near Halsted Street, Chicago. The Favorite
Resort of the West Side. Constant change
OF curlosities. Two Theatres. If
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1888-12-06

In custom work Louis Eichelman, the
cutter, takes the lead. He is always to be
found at Eichelmans & Sons cloth;no
store. A.f
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1888-12-06
Teachers Meeting.

There will be teachers meetino
IN District No. I, Pleasant Prairie
Dec. 18th, 1883. The following is
the program:
1000. Music.
1910. Decimal Fractions
IT'S. Discussion: Union schools
Intermission.
100 Music.
ITO. Primary Reading.
Alice Murray.
40, Paper: To whom and how
should Physiology be taught
Irving Ozanne.
All are invited to take part in the
discussion that follows the pape,
800. Question Box.
VIM MIDDLEcAMp,
co. Supt.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1888-12-06

For Sale, About twenty thoroughbred
Southdown Ram Lambs. P. G. Torrey.
Truesdell, Wis. 3w27.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1888-12-06
g q farr IN

- q 1. -
May affect any portion of the body where the
mucous membrane is found. But catarrh of
the head is by far the most common, and the
Z most liable to be neglected 1t cannot be
cured by local applications. Being consti-
tutlonal disease it requires
Ringing q constitutional remedy like
Mnieoe Hoods Sarsaparilla, which,
working through the blood,
eradicates the impurity which causes and pro-
notes the catarrh, and soon effects perma>
nent cure. At the same time Hoods Sarsa-
parilla builds up the whole system, and makes
one feel renewed in strength
and health. Ii you suffer Impure
from catarrh, be sure to ns
try Hoods Sarsaparilla. iOOU
" used Hoods Sarsaparilla for catarrh, and
received great relief and benefit from it, The
catarrh was very disagreeable, especially in
the winter, causing constant discharge from
my nose, ringing noises
TOCQ 8 In my ears, and pains in
Sarsaparilla the e BACK Of 81 my N.Y., head.
head in the morning by hawking and splitting
was painful. Hoods Sarsaparilla gave me
relief Immediately, while in time I was en-
tlrely cured. / am never without the medi-
cine in my house as think it
is worth its weight in gold.' Cures
M MRS. G. B. GIBB, 1o2sEighth ca+ayyn
ST., n. W., Washington, d. C. SdtdIEH
was troubled with that annoying disease,
nasal catarrh, and never found relief till
l LOOK Hoods Sarsaparilla." j. L. RoUTT,
harrisburg, Ky. N. B. Be sure to GET
Hoods Sarsaparilaa
Sold by all druggists. 81; six for S. Prepared only
oy 9. |. HOOD & CO., Apothecaries, Lowell, Mass.
100 Doses One Dollar
Griggs courier. (Cooperstown, Griggs Co., Dak. [N.D.]) 1885-1902, 1888-05-25

The beneficial effect of the mind cure
process is shown by the experience Of a
young man who had been "bucking the
tiger in Portland. Me-. and had met
with the usual run of bad luck. He
started iii with over 500. and at the close
of his sitting he had but twenty-five cents
remaining. This sum was not enough
for stake. and SO tie unfortunate
player left the den in search of some
other turn of luck. Not far from the
gaming house he met an acquaintance
who complained of very troublesome
disorder in his nervous system, and asked
advice on the subject. The gamester
thought it over, and finally made an
agreement to meet his friend later, after
which he departed in search of food.
Baked beans and brown bread made up
his fare. While eating he mechanically
rolled some Of the bread into ball. then
an idea flashed upon him. He proceeded
to roll the bread into good sized pills, un-
til he had made thirty-six of them, all of
which he took to his suffering friend.
and after giving directions regarding
their use, received 81 for the three
dozen. With this money he sped to the
gambling table, and in short time won
$3.50. A few weeks afterward he met
his friend and received his blessing for
sGecting 60 speedy . cure Of his trouble.
Boston Globe.