The Irish standard., 1888-11-24

and fuss OF all. Ihey must nave this
and they will have that, and if every.
thing don't 60 as they say off they'll 60
into Mysteries, and I'd rather have an
army of dead ones on my hands than
one liye women in bysteric fit. You
Iraever can tell what woman will do
until after shes dead, and then you can
depend on her little. Here was this
Iach old woman up town, whose hus-
Wand / buried the other day. Poor
Ilan, the doctor was after saYln' he
#adn't a blessed thing the matter with
Elm when he died, only some kind Of
! lSrostration, and I think it was nothing
| ii the world that caused 1t only livih'
with that old parrot of q woman. She
had false teeth and false hair and an
eye with glass, yet she went mincing
and prancing out to her carriage with
aslot Of false curls jingling out from un-
| der her Widows bonnet, and pretend
iig to be that weak she could not
stand. But I notice she has strength
enough to tell ME to be sure and not
drive to the cemetery and home again
the same way, but to go one way and
then drive ever SO far out of my way
to- come home another way, for /
couldn't follow the carriages home with
the hearse, il you please, and the car
riages must go home in different
order and By different way from the
one they came in.
| I Z oa know they think that if hearse
stops in front OF a house there will be 81
funeral there before the year is out. I
drove to church funeral Of an old
lady once, and when we went to the
cemetery somehow in waiting for the
carriages I stopped in front Of the old
lhdy's house. Before the year was out
the old gentleman died, and tney all
said it was my fault, and that they
knew some one would die. Now that
old party was going on 80, and SO old
and decrepit and pesky disagreeable,
I should "a thought they would "a been
obliged to me.
There's mother funny thing women
5yse 5sye, and chat is they will rent the camp
stools that undertakers have on hand
for funerals to use at wedding, and
then raise the very old Harry if they
are sent there in an 1ndertaker's wag
on. suppose it isn't very cheerful for
bride to see an undertaker's wagon
drive up, but some of 'em after they We
been married awhile would be glad to
see one comm even il they had to be
put in 1t themselves.
A quare thing happened once, up
North, where used to live. Dhe un--
dertakin' business isn't what it is here.
They only keep very few cotfins on
hand, aud when any one dies they tele-
graph for one to be sent on. Well, an
old man died out of town, and the old
woman drove into town for a coffin.
She was rare one, now, I tell you-a
regular posy. The undertaken had a
coffin on hand that he had ordered for
some one else and which was not the
right size when it came. He told the
old lady she could have it cheap if it
would do, but when he came to meas
ure it he knew it was little too short.
That old woman looked it over, and
finally said she'd take it home and try
it. So it was loaded into hel wagon
and she drove off with the undertaken
man beside her. I told you in the first
place things were not done there as
they were here. The man tried and
tried to jam the old mans body into
the coffin, but no use, it wouldn't go.
Finally he went out in the shed and got
a buck saw and came in with it in his
hand. He leaned it up against the
coffin, out of which the old mans feet
stuck straight and stiff, and said: II can
make him go in there if you say So
And the old lady said: 'Isay so,' and
she left.
And that makes me think of a jolly
spree had one time with foine young
doctor up that way. We buried
pauper woman one afternoon, and the
young doctor was comm round that
night, and he said, still like, showing
me the edge of V IN his hand, Where
did you be buryin' that woman, Den
nie?' and said 'I'll show you, SIR, and
then had that folded bill in my hand.
you see, and at night we stole out to
the graveyard and dug her up. We put
her clothes back in the coffin and fixed
the grave up tidy. Then we tied her
feet and head together, put her into a
bag and hung her over the DOCTORS
shoulder. We started on run down
long hill, for the job had been longer
than we thought, and it was getting
late, and just then the string broke ana
out comes one of that woman's 8 feet and
gave the doctor one under the ear, and
before he gets over that out comes the
other foot and takes him in the back of
the neck as slick as anything, and down
he goes, and over and over they roll, the
doctor first, and the woman after him.
When got there the doctor was trying
to tell his feet from the WOman's, and