Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1888-12-14
FRESH FROM THE BURRs

The storm-king, strange "a aav mo-.
holds the rains when he Il dr;v;ns.
Time.
| JENKENs writes to his p;rl ;, .,
apartment house as his suita bes-t
Boston Commercial Bsslleti,..
II DID not think you would he
hard with me, exclaimed the shall
when he bit the anchor.-0ceaa.
| WHAT long legs the man must hax
who can attend to his business with ~
foot in the grave.-Atchisos Globe
A MACHINE for pressing hops ha
been invented. America is the HON
OF the hop-pressed. Texas Sifting,
The novelty of having baby in III
house is like the trade mark on col
of soap; it soon wears ff.-Atchixn,
Weekly Globe.
LECTURES on the North Pole az
generally slow. The speaker does n,
seem able to warm up to the subject
Ne,c Orleans Picaya1,ee.
PHYSICIAN, heal thyself!" is an !,
junction promulgated centuries ayd
and now some of the older practitions1
are pretty we'll heeled. Idea.
THERE never was day, even in M,
England, 80 fine and beautiful tha
some one couldn't spoil it with
wretched pun SomeTville Journal
LAWYER Ito little boy)-where di,
YOU learn to tell such outrageous lies
Boy passed your Office one day whe
the window was open. Record
They were talking about the Allan
tic cable. 1T reminds me of a poo1
egg, he said. "A good egg?" WHY
yes; being SO successfully laid. ..
Ocean.
CARRIE" writes to know what i
the most attractive way of wearing thd
hair?" On the head, Carrie; and ID
sure it is pinned tight.
Free Press.
HE-How beautiful Miss Arrow
smiths back hair is! She-Yes. Much
prettier than her front hair. wonder|
she didn't get it all at the same place.
Hn,1er's B0zar.
REMBRANDT SM1TH-HeHo, old fel i
low, how are you prospecting? Painting
many portraits now? Velasquez Jones
Well, yes; I'm getting head pretty
|
A GUEST at a Western hotel raised a
row because there was no cover on his
bed and he, wouldn't be quiet until the
landlord was compelled to cover him
with revolver Washington Post.
Edison has no doubt got good
thing i'll his phonograph, but we can
name dozen women of-hand who cam
give it twenty-five minutes start and
discount it without stop. -DetroitI
| Free Press.
An experienced person says that
when a young man attempts to kiss his
girl, and she says DON'T" that is the
time he shottll "Don't"-several times.
if not more. She will not be pleased
If he doesn't.
II Hop'1you appreciate the fact
sir. that in marrying my daughter
| you marry a large-hearted, generoud
| girl. :" i do, sir" with emotion}; "and
| hope she inherits those qualities FROM
her father. life.
1 Mr.. BIBBER (next morning)-O! ny
head! 1t is wonder that man will
put an enemy into his mouth to steal
away his brains Mrs. Bibber-H that s
what you did it for, Bibber, 1 think the
enemy gos badly left.-Terre Haute
Express.
QUEvEDo--I see the savants are
about to investigate the causes Of vel
low fever in the South. Miss Foote
(Chicago)-How noble! But l don I
remember to have met them: Are they
I . North Side family ?-PhilndelpI,ia
GU.
! A FASHION writer tells how woman
may make herself look tall or short at
will by regulating the waist of her
dress. She will not look short if she
wears Il long waist; but it may have
been noticed that big waste in woman
has made husbands look "short."
LONDON, with population of over
100000, has death rate Of 15.1 per
1000 inhabitants, while the death rate
of New York, with population less
than 2,0O0,OOO, is nearly double those
figures. But there are no bobtail
street cars in London.-NorrastO ,cD
Herald.
HERBERT-Really, Miss Edith, 1 am
very sorry l kissed you. I didn't think
what was doing. It is sort of tenn
porary insanity. Miss Edith Outlying
ly)-If you ever feel any more such
attacks coming on you had bett i come
right here, where your iniirmity is
known, and we will take care of you.-
Judge.
"CAN you tell me where the autom-
atom chess player is?" asked a gentle
man of an attendant at the Centennial
Exposition. "Do yez name the tigger
that plays games by itself an yez can't
see anybody workin' it?" eyes, that's
what / mean" "Well, ye'd beether
wait bit. He's gone out to dinner
now. "-Mercha4et Trausltr.
WISDOM IN DIsTICHs.
| I.
Wisely woman prefers a lover to a man who
neglects her.
This one may love her some day, some day the
| lover will not.
Ii.
There are three species of creatures who when
they seem coming are going.
When they seem going they coms-Diploinats,
women and crabs.
1 III.
Pleasures too hastily tasted grow swceter in