The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-04-04

HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Rents awl-shoe machinery.

a gang OF desperduoes Is preylng
band
Dispensers of charity are permitted to
carry aims.
That would be weak enterprise which
could not stand loan.
The spook of the Haunted Tavern"
must have bee an inn specter.
1t was the lady you thought she was
going to swoon who had a faint sus-
picion.
A Paris paper says "the people Of st.
Louis, D. T., are dying of disease called
the billiards."
While some ladies desire only the
latest novelties in ribbons, there are
others who prefer those of a moir0
antique pattern.
The Transcript speaks of the turtle as
taking a leading part at dinners" We
thought he generally appeared as supe.
boston Bulletin.
"Ah, yes," said a cabinet-maker to a
crockery dealer, to whom he was intro
duced-"ah, yes, you sell tea sets, and
/ sell settees. > Graphic.
A labor writer asks "What luxury
can the common ditch-digger claim as
his own" Dear man, he can take his
pick. -Binghampton Republican
English traveller (out West-"What
is the population of Pistolvlllep Native
-"Oh, about four hundred in the morn
ing, on an average, and twenty to
twenty-five at night. y Graphic.
Fair Critic 81 think that little spot
there = pointing Artist (alarmed)-
"Pardon me, but you must not touch
the pictured" Fair Critic-"Oh, it
doesn't matter; 1 have got my gloves
onl"
A serious accident occurred in an up
town house the other night by mis-
placed switch. The owners husband
stepped upon it and ran a hairpin into
his foot to the depth of an inch.-Norris-
tolOn Herald.
AS the act-drop fell Mrs. Galatine
fixed her eyes on it and studied it Curl
ously. "You seem to be enjoying the
drop, " remarked her husband. Il am.
"Well, think I'll enjoy one myself. ="
And he stole softly It'd Bits.
Mistress-"Annal Whatever has be-
come of all your pretty curlsl" Maid
= "You see, ma '1;,, an,, the regiment has left
our town, and so l have mad TO give~a
lock of my hair to several of my ac-
acquaintances. "-Fyegsade Blaetter.
Stranger Ito boy)-"Boy, can you di-
rect me to the nearest bank?r Boy
al kin fer twenty-f' cents" Stranger -
twenty-five cents Isn't that hieh pay9
Boy-"Yes, sir, but it's bank directors
what gifts high pay. "-Nei0 York Sun.
The prairies vast we used to deem best,
we thought 'twould be bliss to live out in
the West
But when storms knocked us endways, with
whir and whiZ,
We really believed there was more blizzard
than bliss.
A Kansas City woman saw Booth and
Barrett play Othello in that city and
was asked which actor pleased her most
"Well hardly know" she said, after
due deliberation; "I liked one bout as
well as the other. They were both lust
as cunnin' as they could be. be."-Graphie.
Waiter to customer)-" "Ain't de soup
all right, sah2n Customer (dubiously)-
''Ye-es, it tastes all right; but | am a
barber, and | wish you would ask the
chef if he doesn't want a bottle of my
Egyptian Tonsorial Elixir; it prevents
the hair from falling out. n-Phiidielphid
call.
1t is interesting to trace the evolution
of words and expressions. Cultured
people say chow do you dol" Those
who are less precise say "howdy doP
In the backwoods of Tennessee they say
"howdy" The noble red man Of the
West says chow" While the cat on the
fence says ''owW
The careless use of the editorial 'we'
frequently gets newspapers into trouble,
and the use of the word eve" " TO repre-
sent the people of the whole country II
sometimes as fatal-at least this is prob
ably the opinion of the editor of tn,
Springfield Union, who recently said
"We ate 3, 100, 600 bags of peanuts las
year. n-R.rhester Pot-Ecpress.
Returned Missionary natives o
rank have coins suspended from thei
noses and ears. ~ " But with the crude in
struments you say they have ! don't Sc
how they can punch holes through tn
coins +" The holes are already punched
You see, most OF the coins come fron
America, where they are collected i
church contribution boxes, Nbiusk
State Journal
"For ten years past" said the ney
boarder, "my habits have been as regu
lar as clockVork, | rose on the strok
of six; half ana hour later / sat down Z
breakfast at seven ! was az work dine
at twelve; ate supper at six aud was il
bed by nine thirty; ate only hearty foo
and hadn't q sick day in all that time
" Dear ne, said the deacon, in sympa
thetic tones, "and what were YOU il
for3" And in the awful silence that fol
lowed you could hear the hash CRATE il
I 18th Ilsfr.fsyfa