davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wichita eagle., 1888-09-16
An Officers irving situation.

was dining at the officers mess of q
regiment at Tounghoo 1t was during the
wet monsoon at the time. We were sit
ting over our wine, when o young heuten-
ant called out: Il feel something creep
ing up my right leg" may mention that
wide trousers Of American drill are worn
for the sake of GOODNESS. An old officer
present told the young fellow for God S
sake not to stir, but sit perfectly quiet,
adding that it was no doubt a snake, and
that if he was to move his position he
might be fally bitten. The young fellow
behaved with much nerve. His face be-
came a shade paler, but he took the adj
vice given him and remained quiet. He
told us in low voice that the creature,
whatever it was. could not get past his
knee. and that it had coiled itself around
his leg.
Not knowing how the affair might end
the colonel had sent TO town for a snake
charmer Two of these worthless soon
made their appearance. one with a reed
pipe somewhat resembling a tlageolet, the
other bearing basket with flaps to it.
The basket. with one flap up, was set
down behind the young officers chair, the
bearer sQuatting down beside it. The
other officers made room for the charmers.
The musician commenced to play low,
soft melody on his pipe, monotonous but
pleasing. In q few minutes the head of
the reptile was seen 80 peep out Of the
bottom of the young officers trousers, and
after nodding it about little, keeping
time with the cadence of the music, the
snake slowly wriggled itself free from the
young fellows leg and glided toward the
piper.
The music now became fast and wild,
the snake keeping time with it, until,
with O rapid, sharp movement, the man
on the floor caught the snake by the
neck, thus forcing his jaws apart. Pro
oucing steel instrument, the operator
pulled the poisonous bag out with dex-
ferrous jerk; then threw the snake into
the basket and shut down the flap. On
receiving few rupees the charmers made
a low obeisance and retired with their
prize. The snake proved to be q cobra
di-capella, or hooded snake, about
eighteen inches in length. After the
reptile had withdrawn from about his
person the young officer would have
tainted from the reaction, but the "old
hand" had tumbler of brandy ready,
which he made the youth swallow. This
restorative soon put him to rights, al
though | don't suppose he forgot the in
cident for some time.-Cor. San Francisco
Chronicle.
Wichita eagle., 1888-09-16
Had Rad opportunitie. to Learn,

My son" said the Judge, blandIy, to the
youthful witness, "do you know the nature
OF an oathf
u think l do, sir" replied the little boy,
tilnidly; my father has been betting On tbs
Cetroirs tbs season r-Chicago Tribune,
Wichita eagle., 1888-09-16

If Hadley had been man of good COM
mon sense he would have thought twice
before modelling with the conjugal affairs
of Mr.. and Mrs. Claypole. Students Of
social philosophy have long recognized
the dangers or SUCH interference. nus
bands and wives may fight like cats and
dogs, they may be guilty of the grossest
kinds of infdelty, but woe betide the
rash individual who essays to patch up
their quarrels or smooth the wrinkles in
their code of mutual morality
Hadley, however. was young and i'm
petuous, not accustomed to philosophical
speculation, and he learned his first lesson
OF worldly wisdom from the bitter tongue
of the irascible lawyer 1t was not long
ere he regretted the foolish step he took
st the instigation of his fellow boarders
Mr.. Claypole, it can be readily imagined.
sadthe fullest nnnidenca in tha hnnor
Wichita eagle., 1888-09-16

Suddenly the ancient spinster released
ser hold Of the transou. sprang from the
chair with suppressed scream. hastily
rndressed herself, got into bed, and
pulled the clothes over her head Ike 8
frightened child.
What was the cause Of Miss Goggles
agitation7 The spinster had nerved her
self TO see and hear strange goings on in
the Claypole sitting room Something out
of the ordinary run Of scandaious proceed
ings must have occurred 10 make her dive
deep under the bed clothes as IL she
wanted to shu. cut the remembrance Of q
horrible sight
When the expected visitor vas admit
ted, Mrs Claypole was seated &. the piano
warbling plaintiye love songs She rose
and received him cordially, called him
dear Herman" and allowed him TO press
his lips 10 her cheek
The boardec Eena riEh. rs to- tie age
Wichita eagle., 1888-09-16
shadow And suffered the terneats of lost

shadow and suffered the ternents Of q lost
soul IN purgatory.
There was one member Of the city do
tective force who took 10 stock in thu
story that Mr. MendelSohn was his own
burglar. This was Denis Simmons, ons
Of the Oldest ard shrewdest Of Chicago's
able officers. who for the last eevea years
had been detailed on bank work
Mr.. Mendelsoha." said Denis TO the
grief stricken merchant. don't worry
yourself to desth- l am convinced that
the robbery was the work of professional
thieves, and I'm Dutchman if / doat
pinch them before Tn many weeks Older"
Wichita eagle., 1888-09-16

This was the strongest expression
Denis could use. for every one knows hs
is not Dutchman, and wouldn't DO ons
for any consideration.
Mr. Mendelsohn WIS consoled By this
expression Of confidence.
Il thank you. Mr.. Simmons. he said
with emotion. Il hope heaven viii pros
per you in this wor& If the thieves arc
not captured soon l shall Re ruined in
body and soui. for even nv cid father IN
Germany thinks | arr the thief.
Cheer up said Dcnis, eRoograging'y:
well bag the game, and then YOU can
take moaths vacation 10 receive the
apologies OF your suspicious friends ="
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1888-11-09
STUPID PHILANTHROPY.
An Illustration of Misdireeted Energy
and LiberaIity.

An Illustration of Misdireeted Energy
and Liberality.
A vivacious lady was relating to a
friend how much difficulty she and Il few
others had had in raising a sum of money
sufficient to send Il missionary to Con-
stantinople.
1--WE did have to work SO hare" she
said pathetically. People absolutely
refused to be interested. We held fairs
and made people buy things; and we had
parlor concerts and actually forced our
friends to take tickets; and we sewed and
we begged subscriptions.
But now we've got the money it is
worth all our trouble TO see the zeal of the
young lady we are going to send out. OF
course she won't Introduce religion at
first, until she has won their regard; but
she's bought Il Turkish grammar, and
she is so eager to begin to c%ivilize the
Turks, and she has such clcverideasabou
how to go to work, too"
But how will she go to work." the
friend inquired. "What will she teach
them first?"
ooh, all sorts of nice things" the other
returned rapturously. Things thattend
toelevate. She'll teach them ;o-to-why,
to eat with knives and forks and not to
have harems and to sit on chairs"
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1888-11-09
BITTEN BY A RATTLESNAKE.
The Luxury of Being Doscd with the host
Approved Antidote to the Poison.

The Luxury of Being Doscd with the EIost
Approved Antidoto to the Poison.
A correspondent writing from Hawley,
Penn, reports II b~ackwoods resident as
saying:
"They tell a story about a tough old
bushwacker who lived down back of
Schatt's Pond. Life had little charm for
him when whiskey was scarce.
"Oncc he had been for several days in
hard luck. He had been unable to buy Il
drink of his ~favorite tipple, and none of
his |ncighbors was inclined to satisfy his
longing for Il nip.
Zone day he was picking huckleberrica,
which lie intended to exchange for whis-
key, when he was bitten on the hand by Il
rattlesnake. lie was a mile or so from Il
neighbours who he knew had a fair-sized
jug which was generally well stocked.
"The old soak dropped his berry pail
and flew across the barren to the house.
II dashed through the door, and clapping
his hands shouted:
'"Glory hallelujah, Abe! I'm bit by a
rattlesnake! Open the jug and I'll men"
"Abe was scared, and in less than five
minutes the Observation-Disclosures had
Il quart of Whiskey under his shirt. The
snake bite never bothered him, but in the
course Of q couple of weeks he was way
down on his luck again.
"Then he thought he would catch q
mess of pickerel, and see what he could
do with them as exchange for something
he longed for more than he loHged for
fish. While lie wason his yvaytothe pond
Il maj who lived near by saw him steal
ing cautiously along an old road. The
man went out and got close to the old
topper without the latter having discov-
cred him.
"What was the Iaan's alarm to see a
big rattlesnake coiled III hcroad, readyto
spring, and the Observation-Disclosures within
reach of it. The man sprang upon the
snake with his heavy boots and smashed
its head. The old topper jumped back and
whined:
CHOW, w'at'd yc go an do that fer?'
"'Why,' replied the man whoh had killed
the snake, that RATHER would have E&i
his fangs in you in ten seconds more!.'
az know it," whined the Old biJsli-
wacker. But don't We know I'm pinin'
fer whiskey?'n
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1888-11-09
BURNT CORK.
The Palmy Days of A~Iinstrelsy.

I was reading that the wife of Jack
Haverly, the once well-known negro min.
strel manager, induced him to give her
SO every night out Of the receipts of the
show, so that when lie went into bIk-
ruptcy she possessed Il fortune of about
$4,000. He begged her to lend him the
money, but she refused him, and to-day
they are living comfortably on her saw
ings.
An hour or two afterwarl | meet Bill
Foote, who was a boomer for Hayerly
when that sky-rocket of II manager was
high in the air. Foote now runs u board
ing-housein this city, AID istEecustodian
of Dockstader's Theatre during the alb
sence of the Dockstader's Minstrels on a
tour.
"Oh, yes; those were 'halcyon days."
said he. "There was a time when the
marager of Il minstrel company had to do
hardly anything else than open the doors
of a hall and let the people pay to come
in. The five or six years after the war
were especially profitable. New towns of
three to five thousand inhabitants, were
constantly being discovered by w~ideawake
agents, and places of that sort We're dead
sure to yield fine audiences for anything
in the way Of minstrelsy.
But it isn't so now. The meat is all
gone out Of that cocoanUt, and the man
who can make II pegro minstrel company
pay has got to hustle for it."-New York
Letter to Indianapolis News.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1888-11-09
CANT AND SLANG.


These Abuses of Language.
"Cant, was the Gaelic or British word
caipnt. signifying I~anEuage-the lam
puaee. par excellence, of the common
people in the ollen tirnr before the preva-
lence of the Tcuionic or .Anglo-Saxon.
From that language the now common
slang of the streets, and Of the very low
est classes of the population, initiated too
extensively in our dry by the class immc-
diately above them, a:ti even by those of
a still higher grade, is liz great part de-
rived.
II proof be needed of the fact, it will be
only necessary 10 cite such Wort's ana
phrases as Cove "hlokr," "beak,
'hook it." ado yuu ;wi@,' "mnsher."
''brick, - "cut your stict, and scores OF
others that are but too familiar among
the millions both If low and hlg HE.
''Covc,"a fellow. Il man, II person, 10
from the Celtic or l. ltic caobbl-bh pro-
ponnced aus v-wh;cii signifies courteous,
and is s~ynonynloris with the vulgar ab-
b~reviation of gent" for gentleman.
''Blokc,"a tern OF disrespect and not
of courtesy, is from lloc. II large or bull
headed person, and p%locich, Il big, strong,
coarse person.
"Hook it," to be oG, to run away, to
decamp, is from tIIugal-th silent-a
command TO be Gonei togo away!
"Beak,n Il ma i>tratt, i, from beachd,
judgment or II judge.
"Do you twig?' do You understand? is
from tuig, to understand, Il tuigsin,
comprehension.
sMasher," Il bean, Il dandy, Il swell, an
exquisite, is probably, though not cer-
tainly, from meas, pronounced mash, ele-
giant.
"Brick." the highest cncomium paid to
a good fellow, is from hrigli, spirit, en-
erpy, courage and right feeling, and
brigheil. high spirited and magnanimous.
''Cuty your stick Ia disappear, to run
away, to Gccamp, is IL IW'icrous corrup-
ton of cult as each, or "leavethehouse."
The secret tricks and observauees of
trades and professions Of all kinds which
are spoken of among themselves oy their
adopts and practitioners are to agreat OK
tent derived from the same ancient
sources, although, as these tricks and
mysteries were less widely prlcticed and
known in the comparatively primitive
times of he Middle ages than they have
become in the keener and less sgrupulous
age of unlimited and almost desperate
competition in which society now grovels
and wallows-when it does not growl and
ight-slang and can't words were less
numerous than they have since become.
The trades and professionsoft the present
day, while preserving many of the old
Celtic shibboleths and passwords, have
invented or compounded new ones from
the Teutonic and latiuized English as it
has been extended within the last two
centuries. As new and more ingenious
frauds have been practiced by unscrupu-
lous traders, they have discovered or
coined new words and phrases to designate
their knaveries.
In the days when milk was sold pure
and unadulterated as it came from the
COW, there was no necessity totalk of"the
cow with the iron tail" or the pump; or
of a fabulous 'tSimson" or Simpson"
whose aid was required tn convert milk
into milk and water; or for beer, when
similarly treated, to be described as
stretched ."-Charlrs Mackay in Black
woods Magazine.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1888-11-09
WOULD YOU LIKE Hos17
4 Boston Surgeon Who Makes Nasal
Organs of Any shape 10 order.

There can be 10 greater deformity han
the loss OF ones nose. Any kind OF an
organ. whether pug, turned mp or Hlt, 10
nreferable to an entire absence OF one.
In olden times, men and women who
were SO unfortunate ;ts e. lose this mem
her. anless wealthy, latl to get on rs best
thew mi bit, but the i~udiviauaisof great
substance could provide themselves with
artificial ones of ivory, gold or silve:,
usually enameled and Of flesh color.
These substitutes were, of course, awk-
ward and uncomfortable, but the victims
endured them because they concealed, or
were thought TO conceal, their loss.
In later days surgery came to the aid OF
the noseless, and whGa is called plastic
surgery, or Ta~licotean operations are per
formed. These consist in taking adjacent
PIECES of skin, and twisting and turning
them to unite with the freshly cut edges
of the remnant Of she original nose.
Plugs Of cotton and qa;ils through which
to breathe form the nostrils, and the re-
suit is q new nose, bat of a pntty-lk Ike
appearance, as It has no bridge. Such a
nose, as everybody knows, is better than
no nose at all, bat thenewonc OF surgery
were by 40 means beautiful.
lJlId AOItlElG I 04ttl4OIl IL IL
storing of that most useful and
tai organ has within q month or W
taken place in this city, which, 50 far as
is known, is the first Of the kind in the
United States. DR.. II. D. Burrell, surgeon
of the City and Carney hospitals, it is who
has made the discovery in the way of fur
nishing u bridge for the nose.
At the time spoken of above, an other
wise fine looking woman from Il Of the
thriving towns of the state, with a not at
all pleasant apology for Il nose, applied to
DR.. Burreu for relief. Her deformity was
such that she was compelled TO live a
most secluded lie, rarely going out, save
at night for needed exercise.
1t occurred to DR.. Burrell that an i'm
proyement might be made on previous
operations, and that. byaddinga properly
shaped pieceof bone fronlaliving animal,
a natural looking nose could be made.
An appointment was given the woman at
Carney Hospital, and an operation was
performed by cutting out the side OF the
mutilated member and turning 1t COM
pletely over.
4 young chicken was then killed, and
a piece Of the breast bone of proper shape
united to the root of the nose on the skull
by silver wires. Then the flesh OF the old
nose was properly stretched over the bone
and secured by ligatures. Tamkins of
cotton were put in to give the nostrils the
proper shape.
The new bone became properly united
with it's attachment, the wound healed,
and the operation, thus far, is q perfect
success. The patient has now a fine
Roman nose, aad the only scar is n nearly
imperceptible line at one sideof the newly
made organ.-Boston Herald.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1888-11-09
HOW TO WIN.
Infallible Rules of Making the Lottery
Gainful.

Infallible Rules of Making the Lottery
Gainful.
Travellers who have found it hard to win
at trente ct quarante viii probably try to
recoup themselves by backing their fancy
in the Italian lottery. An infallible plan
for winning has been communicated to
me by a learned Florentine, but | forget
some of the details.
After incantations, which o can get
up for yourself in Petrus dc Abano, you
nave a little dinner for two laid OIL Christ
mas eve or the eve of st. John. One of
the plates must be blackened with smoke
on the bottom.
You sit Town and utter AYES and Patel
Nosters till the door flies open and in
rushes Saint Pasquale somebody Il forget
his highly respectable family nance. He
is angry and fetches You two or three
swinging boxes ON the ear, for he dislikcs
being summoned from Paradise. AS
he is doing this you hand him the plate
with the smoked bottom, on which he
writes a terno of numbers with his finger.
You plank FOUR bottom dollar on the
terno and Gf the Government pays up you
are q made man.
This is only a rough sketch of how to
win. Ihave discovered no other way.
The lottery is a beneficent institution.
Nobody wins, perhaps, but everybody ex-
poets to win and lives in happY dreams of
purchasing steam yachts and of existing
in idleness and %opulence.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1888-11-09
ANCIENT3 or ARIZONA.
esarching for Evidences Of "a Prehistor,c
Race.

Searching for Evidences OF IL Prehistoric
Race.
DR.. II. F. c. Ten Kate, of the IIemen-
way ArcA geological Expedition, spent
some considerable time Oh the Pima In
dian reservation in comparing the charac-
teristics of the present tribe with thoss
found in the ancient ruins. But his con-
illusions do not encourage any theory of
relation between them. The skeletons
unearthed are too short in stature. and
more closely resemble the Pueblo or Zuni
Indians Of New Mexico.
They were evidently of a higher orderof
intelligence than the Pueblos or Zunis of
to-day, and notably i'll the remarkable
perfection they achieved in agriculture,
as shown by the extensive a%queducts
ramifying the whole country, did theyex-
Gel all other Indians and many of the civ
ilized nations Of to day.
DR.. Ten Kate has given considerable at
tention to photographi9g the symbolical
hieroglyphics cut or painted upon the
rocks in the hills skirting the valley.
These are particularly plentiful in the
Estrella Mountains, near the ella cross
ing, where many caves are also found,
strewn with broken pottery, having prob
ably been sacriicial offerings tothe Deity
Thesecavesand painted rocksare nearly
alwaysfound in juXtaposition, and even
on Peston butte, at Florence, some of
themmay be seen. The hierog!yphics are
sketched by DR.. Ten Kate, and to an or
binary observer they are utterly devoid of
meaning, but ma yet be ~deciphered.
They are mostly of animal forms, but
circles, ~volutes, crosses and other forms
indescribable are found among them.
These were scratched with some hard in
strument upon the black, weather-stained
face of the graniterocks, forming Il white,
indelible record.
The doctor also investigated the eye
sight, color blindness and muscular
strength of the Pima Indians, and made
collections of theirmodern handiwork for
comparison with those rescued from the
ruins.
He found nc tradition among these In
dams bearing upon the identity of the
prehistoric people, the cause of their de-
parture, nor whittier they went, and
therefore concludes that they existed
at an age more remote than is popularity
supposed.-Florence (Ari) Enterprise.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1888-11-09
The ITonely Waiter Girl.

"Come, Ned, let's take this table over
here"
"No, no, cid man, come down in the
corner there, furthest from the door"
But look here, Ned, just see the table
girl over here. Isn't she Il daisy? She's
the prettiest one in the place. I don't
a to go down there to be waited on by
that old chromo."
"There, there, my boy; you just stop
your nonsense and come along with me.
I've been grubbing at restaurants too
long to be fooled by any such talk as that.
If you want to fiirt you can get d pretticr
girl outside. If you van to cat you come
here and pick out the homcly waiter. The
waiter-girl who is pretty doesn't have
time to do anything else. It's the homely
girl who brings your order straight and
gets you your dinner hot every single
time"
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1888-11-09

Some Things Noticed by a Retail Dealer
Yes; there's money even in that,
though you wouldn't think it," said a
Nassau street tobacconist after rausack-
ing his whole stock to sell one fiye-cent
cigar of a specified quality.
81 have Mt least a thousand customers
who buy only one cigar at n time and pay
me, all together, about $40 Il day.
MANY do it to avoid too much smok-
ing. Aman with his pockets full of ci-
CARS lights one from thcstump of another.
Many II man is made u heavy smoker, not
by love O tobaceo SO much as by tho habit
of keeping hi pockets full of thesmoking
materials. Then n man having bought,
say five cigars, generally has to set up at
least two Of them, though treating is not
so prevalent as it was.
"Why, my brother, up in a northeast
German quarter, says that in his store
often every man in . party of five or six
buys his own cigars. That's the only
square way, l think, though Of course we
lose money by it, because cigar spongers
often get other men TO buy them cigars
for which they would never spend their
own moacy New York sun.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1888-11-09
Making Persian Carpets in Russia.

Amatiye Of FINLAND named Runen, was
O few years ago sent to the last at the ex-
pcnse Ct the Government with the object
of e~ndeay0ring to discover the art of
Persian carpet weaging, the secret of
which is strictly guarded by tho-e en-
gagged in the trade.
He made tho journey disguised as n
simple workman, lut it was only after
long and fruitlcss efforts TO obtain admis-
sion inton Turkish carpet mannfactory
that he succeeded atnsmall place near
Smyrna in acquaintiug himself with the
process aud making de ign Of a loom.
A Persian carpet 1aauulactory wasthca
established in Finland.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1888-11-09

Teachcr-"Who was the most upright
man in the Biblei"
Smart boy know who was the
straightest."
Teacher-''Well, who was the straight
est?''
Smart boy-"Joseph."
Teacher-"Why?"
Smart boy-'Because Pharaoh mudea
ruler of him
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1888-11-09
Seeing . Long Way.

Bobby (whose uncle has given him q
dollarG"I wish you would give me n
nickel, Uncle James, instead of a dollar"
Uncle Observation-Disclosures, Bobby,
adollar Is better than a nickel"
Bobby-'That'st the trouble; ifit'sadol-
lar, pail want it; if it's only a nickel, !
can have it."-The Epoch.
The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1888-11-09

a Cradle SasG Tor taiHers'
Hush, my baby. doh'tyo err;
Mammals eomtnc by and by.
She has gone s.-sh apin dsIr:
Do not cry, iet ta;ta's Eese.
Mammals iast gone down fie street:
Gone to nH.te!i afibbyn. sweet.
Shopping days are dreadful davs:
Mamma hates 'rRI $50 she siysl.
Ills SO tiresomct iag"'er
Fabrics in "a dry e,ods store.
Ladies' do notIibe to shop:
They at homo would rather stop.
And they're alU'ys ~; we'd. know,
When they must n~-shouaing 70.
Do not fret, my litilo nc:
She'll return by set Of sun.
$50 it is to BID sunnfsodl
For tho stores will then he closed.
Boston Courios,