The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1888-10-06
HUMOROUS ITEMS

A BAEErAcED Innovation-The anti
houstache movement.-!ldJ.
Inc dentist may not be much of pol
lIciah, but he knows how TO take the
stump.-Hotet Mat.
InE Sea-A saline draught prescribed
by Dame Nature to cure heart. burn be-
tween nations.-Jtdu.
THERE should be a new set of COM
mandments. All of the old ones have
been broken Erchdage
tie Ito French actress -"Then you
rove me- She-"I adore you" He
On, say 1t again" SEe-"Bis ~
WHEN colored person temperature
runs up TO llS degrees it is a sign OF
fever IN nagur.-Pt Hsbug Chronicle.
Il AN glad your sister enjoyed her
visit to us, Mr.. Smith," ooh, well, YOU
know she is the sort of girl who can en-
JOY herself anywhere, you know" y
MoTHER-''You look savage, Charlie"
Charlie (lresh from SCHOOL, Yes, ma.
fact IS, the teacher rattaned me the
prand OF CAIN Is on the antipode of my
brow
MEDICAL Professor Ito studenD-In a
case which you find difficult TO diagnose
correctly what is the proper course to
take? Student-Look wise and say
nothlng.-Epoch.
TALK about your cigarette smoking
Here's man over In Connecticut, who
has Just died, that smoked over 900
behring's day. 1t was his business
70 kerS statesman.
Mr.. Z. DE HURsT-Aw, waltaw, what
did the cook use in cutting these mutton
chops Anatole-A cleayer. sir. Of
course MIR. c. de Hurst-Aw, good
Bring me one Puck.
A BooKKEEPER who climbed the Ven
dome Column in Paris recently, declines
10 try 1t gain until an elevator Is put in.
tie says 1t Is the hardest column to
foot up he ever came across.-Harper's
Bd-Gr
OLD Benevolent Gentleman Ito little
boy whom he has met on the beach,
What will YOU do my little man, if |
give YOU my blessi and a kiss? Little
Boy-Ill mash you in the snoot.-Town
Topics.
HE-'I saw Miss Dash the other day.
She Is charming young lady" She
20, yes; charming and young You
ninny, she's just my age The deuce
she is But she doesn't look it .''-Teras
S1tingS
WHERE'S your father?" said an an
CRY m ster to The son OF his tipping
domestic. He's down stairs, sill"
Getting drunk | suppose ?" mo, sir,
he amt" "What then? ?" Getting
sober, sir
How gracefully Freddy proposed Sunday night
Nor stumble nor stamm-r, words chosen just
right:
But ala not accept the Gear ltue boy, for the
Tie seemed to have had almost too much good
practice It'd Bits
QUID Pro Quo-John-" Heerd ABBOTT
thot chap up in Lunnon as jumps DOT %
a balioon?" Biddy-''Ay Seems a most
loike temptin' Providence, don't it ?"
John-'No; bless ye; he's insured,
loike enough. Judy.
\ LITTLE girl admitted to her mother
that her little toy sweetheart had kissed
her on the cheek. And What did YOU
do?' asked the old lady in d tone of in
dlgnation. Mother" said the child,
Il cannot tel a story; l turned the 9TH
er cheek"
GUEST Indignantly v Waiter, there
are feathers in this soup. Waiter i'm
speeding H)-Why, so there are. |
thought | was giving you. Dean soup.
It's chicken broth, sir; costs ten cents
more. Changes figure on the check. y
Chicago Tribune.
.BE;RrHA-."Oh, Rsegy, dear, look at
this love of a bonnet It is the most ex-
quisite one | ever had. | hope you
won't think me mad when | tell YOU
it cost $50 y Reggy Think you mad
Well, | guess not. I'm the one that's
mad, with a capital NJ
IoUNG lady (at summer resort hotel)
Why, this Is strange This veranda
was fu | OF your men hall an hour ago.
VIII n | arrived. There's no one here
now but Urls and children and old ma DIS
and old women. Hotel boy (confiden-
tially)-Thev is all in the dinlng-room
waiting on the Philadelphia Rec
ord.
Miss TRAyIs-Mr. Poseboy, may l ask
how many sisters you have? Poseboy
Eleven. Miss Travis-GooI Inc IS graci-
Gus, Mr.. Pos boy 1t cart be possible
Poseboy-Why, yes, Miss Travis
There's my own sister and ten other
girls who have promised to be sisters to
me.-Burtinyt0p Ia Free Press.
PHILADELPHIA aunt Severely" /
glanced into the parlor last evening |
saw you with young mans arm around
YOU" Chicago niece (calmly)-"Y Yes,
aunty, | was waiting for you to pass the
door and see us Young men are very
slippery now days, and one can't have
too many witnesses PhiiddelpiiH Rec
ord.
4 OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES wrong
with the bay mare? She seems a bit
lame. Has she caeta plate?" Groom
Cast plate? | was driving her in
dawgcart this mornin', and she bolted
and pitched into CARLOAD o crockery;
and talk about castin' a plate, blow me
II she didn't cast q whole boomin' din
ner service, to say nothink of norma
ments PIN.
Here's a piece of pie" said an r
Street woman 10 a hungry tramp al the
back door. Thanks" he replied,
catching eagerly at it and biting horse
shoe out of it. Don't you want knife
to cut it with ?" she inquired The
sali, in freezing tones, edo look like
man who would eat pie with knife ?"
- HGstiRpt0a Critic.
SATURDAY night in Chicago is one of
the busiest nights in the week. Il say,
my friend" remarked policeman 10
citizen who was resting his head against
a cnrbstone, don't You think lamp
post would look more respectable than
this sort OF thinc?' "S'help me (hic),
ofi-hur." replied the citizen earnestly,
Il tired seven lamp pOshts an (hicl
found 'em all occ'pied."
BROAD STREET DANE: you were up
very late again last night. told you
that Mr.. Good fellow did not take hint
you should drive him away" Lovely
Daughter: 81 did try to. | told him |
should never marry. and that | could
only be sister TO him, and that hated
the very ght Of him" Didn't he 90
them" mo. He said he'd teard such
things before. He's a widower "-Pha-
adaphin Record.
! LITTLE iaxen-haired Cambridge girl
was quite the pet of her playma.es and
teacher, and 80 it was not to be won
deTed at that when company one day
visited the school she was selected tG