Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1888-02-02
HIS TURKISH Bath.
Modest Man Takes a Gentle Dig at
Oriental Luxury,

oriental Luxury.
Gentle reader, have you ever bathed9
Turkish bathed? wot not. / have, woe is
me, and l am now a sadder and a cleaner
man. If this article, which is meant to be
deliciously light and playful, appears to you
to be fraught with an underlying varicose
vein of gloom, do not hastily pass it by, but
remember that it's in the interest of science.
l have dallied with the luxury of the Orient
$50 called. Also remember that l have con-
tracted deep, sonorous cold, which will in
all probability fondiy nestle in my bosom till
my ulster blooms again.
The preliminaries of the Turkish bath are
simple You pay 81 at the door and pass
into the "cooling ROOM" where the mercury
registers 9S degs. The appropriateness of this
title does not burst upon you until you have
visited the inner shrine, where the tempera-
ture is up near the boiling point. In the
cooling room' you are privileged to deposit
your valuables in safe. did not avail
myself of this boon however, for reasons of
purely private nature, but passed at once
into the ''disrobing room.n This room was
not SO large as to appear dreary, nor yet so
small as some have lodged in ON the Bowery,
but was about 1x4. The furniture was simple
yet chaste, consisting of a chair and brush
and comb long past their prime. The comb
was chained to the wall, but the brush was
permitted to roam at will. Hastily divesting
myself of sealSkins, jaegers and other pano-
plies OF rank, l arranged them in a neat pile
in the center of the room and placed the chair
upon them. This simple precaution l have
learned to practice when occupying a room
separated from its fellows by low partitions.
Your neighbor may be disciple of Izaak
a ar11 lr1v.i, elo
may take a cast over the partition with hook
and line. What could be more embarrassing
than to have ones trousers thus surrepti-
tiUusly removeda l am lover of the ''gentle
art" myself, but am ever loath to be played
for a sucker.
I was now ushered into the shot room,"
where a number of gentlemen were lolling
about and perspiring affably and luently.
Being of timid, shrinking nature, was
somewhat embarrassed on entering a room
thus filed with strangers, and the more so as
l realized that my costume was too bizarre
and striking for one of my willowy proper
tions. So | flung myself with an affectation
OF easy grace upon marble divan, but inn
medlately arose therefrom with vivid blush
and large blister. l then sat upon a eeeth.
ing chair until l came to boil, when rose
up and endeavored to alleviate my sufferings
by restlessly pacing the room. A few towels
We're scattered about, and as the nimble
chamois leaps from crag to crag, SO leaped
from towel to towel in my efforts to keep nv
feet off the red hot floor. Having basked in
this room until l was quite aglow, sum-
moned the attendant and told him he could
take me out at once or wait yet little longer
and remove me through hose. then passed
into the manipulating room," where l was
laid out on an unelastic marble slab like
found dIowned" at the morgue, and was
taken in hand by muscular attendant, who
proceeded to manipulate me with great vio-
lence He began upon my chest, upon which
he pressed until he lifted his feet off the hoor
and my shoulder blades made dents in the
marble. mildly asked if it was absolutely
necessary that my respiratory organs should
be thus nattened, to which he replied,
with a rich Turkish accent: 'Come off,
young fellow, know my bz," and swooped
down upon my digestive organs. Manipula-
tion consists of disjointing, dismembering,
bruising and rending limb from limb, and
nay be healthfGl, but it is not popular with
ne. This man said he was pianist also,
and that he could manipulate and at the
same time strengthen his fingers and improve
his technique, and to illustrate he struck a
iew resounding chords in the small Of nv
pack and then proceeded to interpret Wag-
Ter up and down my vertebre, running
scales, twiddling up in the treble and thun-
lering down in the bass, just as if l were the
keyboard of a Steinway grand, an illusion
doubtless heightened by the ivory whiteness
If my skin. He wound up by playing that
,rand old show off piece, the Battle of
orague," while joined in with the "Cries of
he Wounded" 1t was fine rendering, no
loubt, but next time l am to be played upon
shall ask for soft andante movement-a
Jhopin noctune, say-New York World