National Republican., 1888-03-25
SENSATION IN THE HOUSE.
4 THIRSTY CROWD or MEMBERS CHASES
AN IMAGINARY BOTTLE.
The Parched Tongues Found No RE-
lief, However. and the Boys" Had
To Content Themselves with Listen
ing 10 an Unsatisfying Explanation.

The House of Representatives narrowly
escaped being ,tampedcd yesterday morning,
and had not the facts in the ease been dis
closed ii is more than probable thai some Of
the more thirsty members would have been
compelled either to visit the House rcstau-
rant or else cool their coppcrs with the ice
water 81 literally dispensed IN the cloak
rooms.
Business IN the House had proceeded with
T. accustomed regularity Tor some time aud
there was no prCmOnitiOn of anything that
would upset the cquanimity Of that great
aggregation of legislative wisdom. Sud
dCuly the uCstIis of a prohibition represent
tatiVc were elevated above their customary
altitude aud they shifted IN an odor that
,CCmCd to hC most agreeable. The odOr
spread until II had disseminated itself over
quite large area on the Democratic sidc
and then the excitement commenced. One
after another Of the good Democratic hrctll-
rem rot up aud asked in stage whispers,
,Who's got its' Several who had neglected
to woo the drowsN god on the previous night
pushed their dried up tongues between their
parChCd lips in vain attempt to mnisleil
Them and gazcd longingly around In the
direction from whence the fumes sGcucd to
come
ah
The question was very general In IT.
nature, and half Il dozen members instinct
iVcly answered that they didn' 'tknOw After
wandering around amlcssly for some time
| smelling committee was organized aud
in five minutes they had located the sur
| posed bottle on the person OF Representa-
| tive Barnes, of Georgia.
A demand was made upon him for til"
| cripple" but he denied having any. He
was Informed that the committee knew bet
| ter, and Major" Martin added; "iou can't
| fool us on rum, sir"
In vain did Mr.. Barnes insist that lie had
| no bottle and his most positive denials failed
| to dispclsc the suspicious that had been
aroused, so, in sheer despair. he said, "Come
| out here. boys and the crowd. numbering
| fully twenty. went with him into the re-
| firing room.
"Now. see here" he began ''vOu cIls,es
| will never he satisfied until | explain this
| matter To you"
"liand out that bottle first broke in
| Amos Cummings.
| "Gcntlcmcn," said Mr.. Barnes. there is
no bottle. If you will only he quiet for Il
minute or two you shall have the truth,
Don't want it, said Tim Campbell.
| GIVE us the sthuff'
"1his morning." continued Mr.. Barnes.
| paving no attention TO the interruption, sin
| accordance with my weekly custom, | re.
|
| "lah. likely story came from Bob
| Vance.
NO one will ever charge you with going
| there rcturcd the Georgian. And then H."
| continued: well as | said before. | went
! to the bathroom this morning. aud instead
| Of closing my numerous pores by allowing
| that chilly combination of mud aud liquid
| known as Potomac water To be applied to
my epidcrmis had an attendant sponge me
| down with quart of good rum
| "What q waste, remarked Mr.. Wade, OF
| Missouri
| "Thc nagur thar applied the rum wuz an
artist" said the Hon Timothy j., III he
succeeded in getting all over our35O-pound
| anatomy Wild one quart
ut was only one quart, rcioincd the
| good humorcd victim, "aud ! appeal To
Gambler to support that assertion he saw
the bottle and knew what IT contained He
| can also swear as 10 the quantity because
he aud BlulnI wanted a drink apiece. but
! refused because | knew that two such
drinks woud leave me nothing hut the
bottle
AftG Mr. Barnc, INDUCES in his next
alcoholic bath he will probably parade
around IN the Outcrair for awhile, so hat tho
cool brcc2cs of heaven may have an oppor
tunty. NOT only to blow through his
hair. hut also TO remove the oiUr of the
rare old ''jamaikyN