The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-02-22

it is fifteen miles, and dusty all the way"
mo matter, sir: take the road. on
squander your money on three-card
monte; I'll teach you a lesson"
"G'langl g'langl drawled the driver,
as he looked over his shoulder with a
curious mingling of pity, contempt or
wonder on his dusty face. More and
more spitefully snapped the swinging
whip as the slow paced oxen toiled mile
after mile under the heat of Septem-
Der sun. And therein the road trudged
Armstrong behind the wagon; slowly,
wearily, thoughtfully, but not silently.
He was a man who always spoke his
thoughts.
"This serves you right, Armstrong.
Any man who will fool his money away
at three-card monte deserves to walk in
the dust"
''It will spoil these clothes"
"Well, don't you deserve ii"
"The dust fill my eyes"
eyes; any man who CANDLES all his
dust away at three. card monte deserves
to have dust in his eyes-and alkali dust
at that"
"The dust chokes me-"
"All right; any man who will buck at
monte deserves to be choked. Keep the
road, sir-the middle of the road. CLOSE
up to the wagon. Do you think you
will ever buck at monte again, Arm
strongW
And so the poor culprit, self-arrested,
self. condemned, coughed and sneezed
and choked and walked and talked,
mile after mile, hour after hour, while
the great wagon groaned and creaked,
the driver bawled and swung his whip,
the patient oxen gave their shoulder to
the yoke, and the golden sun of Sep
tember sank wearily toward the west.
The shadows of evening were beginning
to fall when the wagon halted at the
place called Packers Roost, on the
Yuba.
"Here we rest," sighed Armstrong,
Just above his breath, as he looked at
the stream. "No you don't" answered
the head of the firm. "You buck your
money away at monte and talk about
rest. "Now, Armstrong, go right down
the bank, sir, into the river" AS the
command was peremptory and a
spirit of obedience seemed the safest,
Armstrong obeyed without parley and
down he went, over his head and ears,
store clothes and all, into the cold noun
ia stream. 1t was long time that he
remained in the water and under the
water. He would come to the surface
every little while to talk, you understand
1t was impossible for Armstrong to for
bear talking. "Oh, yes" he would say
as he came up and snuffed the water
from his nose, you'll buck your money
away at three card monte, will you2 How
do you like the water cure" His words
were, of course, duly punctuated by ir-
regular plunges and catchings of the
breath
1t so happened that the man who kept
the shanty hotel at the Packers Roost
had woman for wife. She, being a
kind-hearted creature, besought her lord
to go down and "help the poor crazy
man out of the water"
"Pshaw," said the OK driver, che
amt crazy man; he's fool. He
walked behind my wagon and talked to
himself all the way from Scrabble
town"
Thereupon arose lengthy discussion
about the difference between crazy man
and fool. But after while the land
| lord and the OK driver went down to the
bank and agreed to 60 Armstrong; Sc,
curity az il st bucking at monte in the
future if he would come out of the water
So he came out and went up to tn,
house.
"Will you have cup of tea or cof
fee2" said the woman, kindly.
"Yes, madam" said Armstrong, %
Will take both"
ale is crazy, sure as can be-" said the
woman. But she brought the two cups
as ordered. "Nilk aud sugarf she in
quired, kindly as before.
"No, madam, mustard and red pep
per-" answered Armstrong.
~ do believe he is a fool" said the
woman, as she went for the pepper anC
mustard.
Armstrong, with deliberate GOODNESS,
put spoonful of red pepper into the tel
aud spoonful of mustard into the cof
fee. Then he poured the two together
into tin cup. Then the old conflict ragged
again, and high above the din of rafting
tin cups and pewter spoons, sounded the
stern command: Armstrong drink it
sr-drink it down" A momentary
hesitation and few desperate gulps anC
it was down. ''Oh, yes" said our hero
as his throat burned and the tears ran
down his eyes, ''you buck your money
away at three-card monte, do your
Now, the Thompsonian dose, above
descr bed, very nearly ended the battle
with poor Armstrong. He was silent
for quite a time, and everybody else was
silent. After a white the landlord ven
tured to suggest that a bed could bC
provided if it was desired. NO" said
Armstrong, I'm sleep on the floor
You see, stranger" said he, eyeing tho
landlord with peculiar express on,
"this fool has been squandering gold
/ dust at monte-three card monte-ano
does not deserve to sleep iu a bed"
So Armstrong ended the days battle
/ by going to bed on the floor. Ther
came the dreams. He first dreamed tha
he was sleeping on the North Pole anC
/ his head in the tropics, while all the
miners in Yuba were ground-sluicing il
his stomach. Next, he dreamed that ht
/ had swallowed Mount Shastl for supper
| and that the mountain had suddenly
become an active volcano and was vom
! iting acres and acres of hot lava.
Then the scenes shifted, and he seemed
to have found his final abode in plac,
of vile smells and fierce flames, politely
called the antipodes of heaven. Anc
while he writhed and groaned in sleep
less agony a fork-tail fend was saying tC
I H., -, vnfaa. W., I,,oI