Bent County register., 1888-02-18
Mistaken Identity.

Mistaken Identity.
Mr.. Biggs was sauntering around th.
Union depot as the evening train came il
from Buffalo, when he was surprised with
Why, Biggs! how are you, old fellow;'
We'll, if it ain t Jack Duncan Glad e
see you. Come right along home with me-
mo, Biggs; I'm too dirty. Been snowet
in on the road; helped shovel snow, slep
N a bar-room haven't had change OF
shirts for week"
Never mind appearances, nobody at
the house. My wife took the 3 P. NJ. for an
all night with her sister in Painesvillc. IN
furnish a shirt, and I've fine bathing
room in the house. Come now; you
haven't honored me since l married"
well, since the wife is away I'll sur
render. Well have q regular rooster night
OF it'
Jack Duncan is bachelor, with holy
horror of women. Feminine presence par
alyzes and stultifies him.
Here's the linen, showing him into the
bathroom a few minutes later. There's
the bath all ready. Now shape up while
go to Joe Richards and order up one of
otr old college lunches. Nobody in the
house SO just splash around at pleasure"
Biggs departed, leaving the door ajar.
lack did not notice it in hiJ eagerness for
IMMERSION.
He had just tumhled out and resumed
his pantaloons when he heard footsteps APP
preaching the door. Thinking it was Biggs
returning he seized the freshly laundried
shirt, opening at the back. and jammcd his
head into it. 1t came down over his face,
completely blindiolding him, and the
starch baff1ed his efforts to tunnel through.
Just as he commenced straddling around
with suspenders dangling, he heard rus
| Al. III L.: INox.
s9ueaked, and a CHEEKY voice said:
"Now L We got you, Mr.. Biggs. The train
left me, 20 made n call or two and came
back. 1 heard you playing sea lion in the
bathroom as l entered the house; got
the buggy whip and slipped mp to pay you
back for eyerlastingly teasing me. Now,
I'm ring master, dear hubby. Move livelyH
And she popped her whip in a business way
that suspended the bachelors animation.
The shirt hid his face, and taking his silence
for spousal submission to the joke, she
began:
Gentlemen and ladies': Mademoiselli
Bigrs, queen of the sawdust arena, will
now introduce her handsome and perfectly
trained trick mule, Hubby Darling. He
will walk in the arena on his hind feet
with his head and forepaws shrouded in a
linen canopy. Come, now, Hubby! Hoop
In hoop la"
She siiiriped, fetching him a wipe with
the whip that made his bare feet spank the
floor like clog dancer.
"Limber up, Hubby! Lively, now. Up
up, UP and she underscored the last sup
with briar cut, making Hubby Darling
skip so impulsively that darlirgs suspend
ers swished about like donkey's tail, and
his hands dove instinctively to the prcser-
walton of his uIistayed pantaloons.
Il blindfolded Hubby Darling to prevent
him climbing the center-pole. He's the
trickiest donkey that cavorts the magic
circle. The peerless prince of the canvas
pavilion. Hoop Ia! Zip she takes him.
trymen, never curry him down with any
thing but this silk blossomed snapper.
Hoop, Ia! (Popkerslash.)
Il cover his ears that he may not offend
the most iastidious; they resemble n cross
between mail bag and the human ap-
pendage. Hoop, Ia! Zip, zip.) Let the
Golden Cornet Band dish up Fishers Horn
pipe red-hot and highly favored, and Hub
by Darling SHALL
"B-b-heg your. p-pardon m-madam,'
sputtered the victim, as his head and voice
shot out of the shirt. Then
She started. stopped
spellbgund, amazed;
ana And Wi,,s shei, she she mGsddVD' iaiaed
a Cherokee shriek
And down she Topped.
But the terrified sufferer caught her gal
lantiy in his arms, jnst as Biggs rushed in
with
"Jack, are you drowning9 Great heav-
ems my wife!'
"Take her Biggs. I'm tuckered out
Awkward predicament-"
Explain yourself instantly, sir! You
half dressed my wife in your arms!" and
be bristled all ovre, like a barbed wire fence.
Hold on, Biggs; I've got about all ] can
stand. Let me get my clothes on aud
will go where men are not martyrs. Your
wife thought l WAS
"Hubby, darling-oh, that blindfold "
murmured the queen of the arena, hall
consciously.
"Hear that, sir What this about blind
fold?'
Il got stuck in that confounded shirt
Your wife took me for"
THE Peerless Prancer of the Arena.
Hoop, la! gasped the queen, rousing a lit
tie.
"Merciful heavens! Hear that raving!
4 You've dethroned my wiie's reason. Oh,
base migrate! Don't leave this house at tho
peril of your life. You shall"
"Dance the sawdust on his hind feet"
muttered the queen convulsiyely.
"My poor wife! l will avenge your
wrongs" groaned Biggs, chatting her limbs
sgonizingly.
my head was fast in the shirt. She
couldn't see my face and thought it was
you, shrieked tho tortured man, hoarscly.
Very likely! BE mau SIR Don't
shrink from the punishment OF your treach-
ery!!'