Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-01-19

Mr.. AND MRS. BowsER.
BY MRS. BowsER.

burglar alarm he has replied:
"Bosh! Burglars know what house
10 enter"
but we have something 10 steal"
| Certainly we have; but no burgla
IS going to enter house when b
knows that the owner stands ready t
shoot the top of his head Off Don
You worry about burglars They al
know me. and know enough to kee
away from me-"
A week ago the house next to us wa
entered and dcspoiled. and next da
begged Mr.. Bowscr for Heavens
sake 10 get an alarm connected wit
our doors and windows.
10 scare burglars awayv' he ex
claimed. in the key of G. Not much
Let EN- como in. want 'em inside. ;
"And you-vou would capture
them?"
Never capture! The burglar wht
gets into my house dies there! Tn,
coroner may come and sit on that body
but it will be lump of lifelcss clay
"And you won't get an alarm?"
mo. ma'am. I'll BRING home /,
shotgun and base ball bat. but just to
comfort you. Nature has gwen me all
The weapons ! want against burglars !"
Then Mr.. Bowser crossed his hands
under his coat-tails and walked up and
down in such self satisfied way that
| took courage Next day he brought
home the gun and the club. and as he
deposited them at the head of the bed
he explained:
ITS simply to give you more conf
'lcncc; understand? For my part I'd
give $500 TO lind a burglar in my
house.
That night, soon after midnight. l
heard something fall in the house. and
| mdgrd Mr.. Buwser into wakcfulness
and told him of it.
Its ,hat Internal old cat |" he
growlcd in reply you've got bur-
glars on the brain. and hope one will
comet"
Ten minutes passed and was sure
beard some one creeping upstairs. l
nndGod Mr.. Bowser again and told him
50, but he replied:
''Mrs. Bowser. if YOU wake me up
again III 90 down town to sleep the
rcna nder OF the night! You can be
iunat;c on shorter notice than any body
| ever heard Of Now, 90 to sleep
and -"
The reason he stopped there was be-
cause a dark-lantern was flashed in our
faces and astern voice exclaimed:
If either one of you make move
to get up Iii blow your brains OUT"
The burglar had como. The victim,
whose blood Mr.. Bowser was hunger
iug for. stood over us. The IN dnight
maraudcr, on whose lifeless clay the
Coroner was TO sit, was ready to be
'sot" on. | confess | was badly fright
emed. but did not lose nv senses. /
knew he was there to rob- and that he
mad all the advantage. and did not
move Il finger
Come. old chap" continued the
burglar after a moment, Il want your
services. Get out of THAR
Take I'LL we have, but spare our
ives" pleaded Mr. Bowser.
That's what I'm going TO do. old
y, IA, ~ al
up your wealth.
With that he lighted the gas. sat
down on the edge of the bed, and Mr.
BOwsGr brought him both our watches.
and the 5000 hidden in the dresser. |
never saw Mr.. Bowscr so obIging and
thoughtful. He even rummaged the
dresser 10 find my last rhinestone pin.
and he said Eyes. SIR AMI mo, sir"
to that burglar with the greatest res
pcct. When everything of value up,
stairs had been collected. the man said:
Now, old touble-shins, wrap that
swag in q towel and bring it down
stairs for me!'
You won't Kill him. | grasped.
"No. marin; | haven't the time to
spare for that. What's that gun and
club for?
TO defend ourselves from burglars.
| wish | knew how to shoot"
EXACTLY. ma am; and admire your
spunk. Heres your watch and jewelrv
back. and hope you'll pardon this in
trusion. Sorry You've got such an old
funk for husband. but divorces cost
money. Come along. old shingles"'
Mr.. Bowser meekiy followed him
down stairs, got out all orr cho ce sill
yer from the safe, found him basket
20 carry off his plumber. and was then
driven up stairs while the burglar made.
off. Mr.. Bowscr got into bed without
a word, and | sat up and stoned until
| heard the rascal 90. Then / said:
"WeI. Mr.. Bowscr. your wanted
burglars. We've had a real live one,
and the house is cleaned out"
"And who's TO blame for it? Mrs.
Bowscr, | d dn't believe you would ever
dare speak 10 me again"
Who's 10 blame? Am I?''
''Who else can be? Here for forty
successive nights you've kicked me
awake from two ten times 10 whisper
Burglars" into my ear! You got me
off my guard.
But / told you l heard a burglar in
the house"
But | knew better! 1t was your
business to have been awake sooner
and to have given me chance to get
the gun. ALI! if 1 could have got that
gunr'
But YOU never even protested
Protested! Protested, Do You
think a man of my stand ng is going TO
Dandy words with burglar? Ny &C
ton was taken with view to save
your life.'
We'll let go down and see what's
left"
Not an inch would he move until
daylight, and before we got up
he prom Sed me "A silk dress not