News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-09-13
THE REAL REASON.

| THE REAL REASON.
"What a simple and modest bathing
suit Miss Spider always wears" remark
ed the minister.
yes" replied Miss yivacity uncon-
sciously. ''You will always find q girl
modest at the seaside when she weighs
only eighty-tive pounds. ."-Jstdgc.
WHAT THE WILD WAVES ARE SAYING.
''There is one thing about ladies
swimming"
"What's that?"
"Ihey can't put on any side-saddle
style when they go in swimming. They
must kick out like man or get drown
d."-T'eras Siftings.
Dentist-Well, how do the new teeth
work?
Patient-Not very well. They seem
to cut others.
Dentist-That is perfectly natural.
They belong to an entirely different set,
you know.-San Francisco Examiner.
A sAGACIoUs TRAMP.
Woman Ito tramp)-If 1 give you a
nice dinner will you help me put up
some patent self-rolling window cur
tains?
Tramp-No, ma'am. I'll saw wood,
carry in coal, or dig post holes, but 1
wouldn't help woman on window cur
tains if she gave me a Delmonico
spread.-N. Y. San.
NOTHING TO SHOW.
Fred. Ito ohum)-What luck, Char
ley3 Congratulations in order9
Charley faintly)-Fred, she told me
that she loves another.
Fred (sympathizingly)-That's tough,
Charley, after all your devotion.
Charley-Tough? Why, Fred, in the
past three months her fathers dog has
bitten NE no less than seven times.
DIGGING.
Bystander Ito saleslady)-You didn't
seem to take much pains to induce that
lady to purchase that jar.
Saleslady-No,I I wasn't going to waste
my time on her. She didn't want to
buy anything.
evidently quite struck by the jar. [
heard her say it was the loveliest thing
she ever saw"
eyes, that's the reason I knew she
didn't want to buy it."-B08ton Tran
script.
PLENTY TO WEAR.
Saratoga Belle-You would scarcely
believe it, Mr.. Oldboy, but the lady
seated near the open window has over
two hundred dresses.
MIR. Oldboy-Is it possible? Why
doesn't she put one Of 'em on2
HAD MET BEFORE.
He Cat Saratoga, tenderly)-I think [
have met you before, Miss Smith; your
face is very familiar.
She (coldly)-Yes, sir; and these goods
that you warranted would wash I tried
10 give away to my maid.
And then the silence became so wide
anG solemn that yCu could hear then.
pumping gas into the mineral springs. -
Pittsburgh Dispatch.
MISFORTUNE.
= An indignant parent, in rebukirg a
son, exclaimed: Remember |
who you are talking to, sir I am your
father !''
To which the youth reio;ned: "Oh,
come now, hope you amt going to |
blame me for that. "-Iroy Times.
LIMIT TO PASSION.
Angry Subscriber Ito editor)-I'm mad |
all the way through, an 1 wantmy paper
stopped
Editor-Yes, sir; do you want your
bill made out?
Angry Subscriber-No, l amt mad |
enough for that.-N. Y. Sun.
FOOLISH.
A Sunday school teacher was explain
ng the parable of the 10 virgins to her
class, who were mostly boys. When she
lad finished she asked
''Now, why were five of them fool
sh ?"
"Because they didn't get married."
aid one of the boys.
COMPLIMENT.
Quill-Do you know, Penny, your
tyle sometimes forcibIy suggests Thack-
rays to me.
Penny-Indeed! am highly graft
Quill-Yes, it's SO totally different.
WHY HE LOVED WINTER.
Nnomi-George,d do you prefer summer
0 winter2
"No;I like winter best.
"Do you like it for its SHOWS and
torms and desolate grandeur?
'Not exnctly, like it because my ice
ream bills don't run up SO laundering
Ugh.
MOTTO FOR DUDE.
Dude-Yeth, NTH Fanny, I've got
lmily crest, but what would you sug-
eth for a motto!
Miss Fanny-The best motto for you,
think, would be: There is room st the
0p.-TecGs SJtjngs.
wIFE's FEARS.
Wife Ito country editor)-Aren't you
ceiling well to night, John2
Country editor-Not very, my dear.
n indignant subscriber came into the
lice this afternoon and mopped up the
oor with me.
Wife (anxiously)-Heavens, John, I
ope he didn't stop his paper, too