The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
OUR EXPECTATIONS.
The Best Laid Plans O. Mice and
Men, etc.
10y CURTIS YoREEl


room of our tiny old-iashiOned cottage at Low
thorpe. Before US each lay an open letter; and
it was the contents of these letters-individu-
ally and collectively which had called forth
the remarks set down above.
To be more explicit, Elias letter was from
her uncle. Gregory Carper, signifying his in
tention Of paying Us visit on the following
Tuesday. My letter was from my uncle, Simon
FiuiCker, saying he intended paying US visit
on the following Tuesday.
Nothing particularly alarming IN that, you
thinkg
Wait little. Old Gregory Carper was a
most eccentric and irascibe individual OF re-
puted fabulous wealth, who had more than once
distinctly stated that it was his intention to
make his only niece my Wife his heIress. Old
Finicker. my mothers brother, was also rich
in this worlds goods, and ii was generally IN
1eTstO0d that j, Charles D2nyeTs, was 10 be his
heir And between these two old men there
was a deadly feUd. The quarrel had taken
place six months ago; and each uncle (after
giving us an exhaustive catalog Of the enemys
enOrmities) had sworn in turn that If we, Ella
and Charles DanEers. exchanged words, letters,
or visits with the said enemy in future we
should be 0stracised by the remaining uncle
forever.
Now. for more reasons than one Ella and
looked upon this as serious contingency and
] regret TO say we had recourse TO dnplicity.
We gave each uncle 10 understand that we held
the other as the scum Of the earth, tf we didn't
exactly say So we implied it, and, so far, we
had kept on tOlerably friendly terms with both.
We called our baby-We had a baby-Gregory
and Simon bS turns. lie had been Christened
Gregory Simon il the presence Of both uncles,
Just week before the fatal quarrel took place.
Poor little soul ] used 10 shuddcr when l
thought of his debut with such name at the
public school. where his mother already talked
Of sending him.
offer no excuse for our objectionable con-
duct ] acknowledge that played the part of
a mean, abject sneak. But ] trust the reader
viii see that under existing circumstances the
projected simultaneous visits Of these two
uncIes was, to say the least Of it, awkward.
However, there was no help for it. To write
and put either of would offend the put-of one
almost IS mortally as to allow the dreaded
meeting 10 take place.
There viii be a fine scenei" observed
grimly, after a short silence. BY J0Ye!-
there VIII"
Ella stirred her coffee abstraetedIy; and
stuck my egg-spOon viHdietively through the
shell Of my third egg, with a vague wish that
were lnfictiUg corporal Injury on either OBJ
ject0uable relative.
"CharIiel" said my wife in piteous tones,
when some few minutes had elapsed, what
shall We d0?"
ASK me something easier, my dear, I replied
gloomiIy.
It is SO awkward in every way" she went
On. Jane does not return from her holiday
until "Wednesday" Jane was our housemaid.)
And cooks being 80 deaf makes her SO stupid.
And your uncle is 50 fdgity and particular, y
she added.
] did not reply. but re-read both letters ST.
lently. No, there was no mistake, both uHcles
were coming on Tuesday. Mr. Carper pro-
posed three days visit; Dir. Thinker intended
starting early on "Wednesday morning to at
tend cattle show some 70 miles from Low
thorpe. dc would come down, he tmy uncle)
said, by the 5:I5 from Waterloo.
As usual, 4Ir Carper does not mention the
train lie intends coming down by" / observed
drYly There only remains, as q climax, that
they should both elect to come By the 5:l5."
Oh. Chariie- Surely not ?
think il is more than likely" I returned,
with the caimEess Of despair, as proceeded to
unfold the newspaper. j had lust 10 minutes
70 read and digest it before catching MY train
~ town.
Charlie, how can you sit there coolIy read
ing the paper" exclaimed my wife, almost in
tears.
NJ dear" ! demonstrated, "there are five
days 70 come before Tuesday We don't know
what may happen IN that time. One OF the
Old fools may-er-aheml We can talk il over
when I come home tonight" / concluded
hastily. Then, Hitl what l have been told IS
The Inmate scIhsuness OF the masculine mind,
4 plunged AUTO the news Of the day.
When J came home at night, Ella met rae
with a beamiug smile.
Charlie" she began gleefully, as I Invested
myself o. Lly hal and oFeTcoat, r / have thought
Of plan"
- p-au!" ] echoed vaguely.
Reader give sou my word / bad forgotten
al about those two leudish old men.
Oa, tae uuclcs" 1 gToaned, after a mo-
ments reelection. Let US have dinner first,
Neil, and iHdiEestible relatives aflerward."
Ella, as ali We.l-drilIcd little wives should
90 obeyed her lord aud master, and dinner
proceeded as usual
When j had Iit my post-Prandial pipe I
stretched myself upon the sofa. folded my arms
behind ny mead. and intimated that I was
ready TO hear the plan"
by wife came and seated herself upon low
stool beside me.
You sec, Charlie" she began, with round.
solemn eyes fixed gpgn mine, Il have thought
anc thought ri day. and this seems the only
thing 10 be DONE"
AelE' i said ezpoctautly, as she paused.
Wen, she went on, am confident that
Ilc4e SIMON gill arrive first Oh Tuesday. and
he shall have Tie pink room"
have 10 objection" / observed. as she
paused again, but I tail 10 see how that can
help Us"
Charlie, you are SO stupid, dear. You know
there is something The matter with the lock Of
the pIaE-TOUm door
l00Eed-as ] felt-bewiIdered,
Yes" j assenteG helpIesslv.
W Ell, Charlie ID inpatient tones, don't
you understand ~
4" confess % being still al sea my dear I
sad with algect humility. But 20 on. Tn
lold your plan, and my fccblcr intellect Will
Try 70 follow. The uncle who appears first
upon The scene--bncle Simon, think YOU said
Us 70 nave the pink room, and there Is some
thing the matter with the lock Of the mink
room door. think nave mastered these TWO
important details And apres -
Don't sou sceg my wife went On with
growing excitement The lock has often
stuck fast before. il did the last time Uncle
Simon was here. We could not get it open fol
ever 50 long. Don't you remember? 50 what
more natural than that 1t should 20 wrong on
Tuesday, And she looked at me triumph
antly.
But, my child, ! murmured. It won't o,
wrong as you cali il, on Tuesday. Thing
never DO 60 wrong when they ought 10. III.
only when they didn't ought TO- /" / CONCLUDED
yulgarly.
oi course, you silly boy, I know that. Blu
thea, you see, I'D make 10 90 wrong"
Make 4 60 wrong y repeated. What d
you mean ~
lila regarded me withcringly; then said:
Really, Charlie, you seem as If YOU were
beng stupid On purpose Why, Of course, wheT
Incle simon goes up te yet ready for dinner
shaL SIMPLY lock the door. Then we can pre
tend That tie lock has stuck fast again, aul
that we cant get the door open. When Uncl,
Gregory Is gene to bed-you know lie alwayl
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