Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1888-01-30
THE GERMAN BARBER.


Wins the Day.
"You vos commercial dratiler, chs"
"No.n
The assistant to the German barber was
the one who asked the question, addressing it
to a slender but middle aged man in the chair
at which he earned his far from monotonous
way through life He had shaved this GUS
toner two or three times before, and was
endeavoring to find out all about him, as all
BARRIERS always have done when their Curl
osity was up and their man was down and
lathered and well tucked in.
'Oh you're choost CLERK by sdore, ehF'
"No; shave up whin yJl git to me neck.
Me neck is tinder.n
"Certently; | know dot Maybe you peon
in der ligger peezness Veil, dots a fine
peezncss, bartickler uf you got good
shtand. know trent of mine from der
same village where | v0s born, und he
GOT
me frind, Dim not in the saloon trade at
all, and so ye're joost wastln yer breath.
Aisy wild your razor on me chin"
IAN righd; you keeb your peezness by
yourselluf / choost like to make mineselluf
bolite nit you, dots all"
The job was practically finished, the last
strokes of the brush were being applied, when
''the monkey barber" as the boss always
called him, on account of his foolishness, ex-
hibited loss both of temper and discretion,
owing to the customers reticence.
"Uf you vos ashamed Won your peezness
you done right not to told Something's apowd
dot vot it vos A mans got to put Won eye
out und look sharp like der tetile nowadays,
on ackound uf Anthony Gomstocks und In
sbector Williams und der society for der bre-
wention uf cruelty, alretty; bartickler Ut he
vos doing crooked peeZneSs, yet"
"Thunder and starsl" shouted the clis-
toner, literally beside himself and springng
out of the chair. "Fwhat dye name at all,
wild yer slack! Me biZness is me bizness, and
it's not the rights of amy monkey faced,
cracked iawed larrup iv a Dootch divil to
Grass QUESTION mo fwhiniver he has me laid
out in chair at his convenience. Me biz
ness, is il! It's lickin' the DoOtch; that's
fwhat it is. There, now; come on, now, till
polish the tlure wild yer head"
"Hop on! Sdop leetlcl Wait choost n
minute!" said the boss, rushing TO the aid of
his assistant. "Dis ding's got to been played
ovid. Whoeffer licks dot poy must first lick
mineselluf 1t vos fife year, now, vot eifery
bugnacious Irishmans by der city has peen
licking dot poy, ind it costs me "A weeks
wages for a substidoot each dime alretty."
"Oill lick the two av yer and all yer rela-
tions,n said the irate customer. "Dyo think
Oi'll lay shtill and let Il comic picture from
Dootch paper walk all over me wild his
tongue
"Chimany cracky!" shouted the German
barber, seizing the hot water kettle with its
gallon of boiling contents. "A man can't die
more as vonce alretty. Run, or boil you
init der kettle Chakel Why der tickens
don't you do somedings' Kick der stole ofer
und CLIMB by der sdreet und yell like sexty,
or chump down his troat und carve your way
ovid from his boots init der razor. l show
you, you zig loaver."
At the same instant the German barber be-
gan to swing the kettle like a mailman. The
assistant lifted the great slab of marble off
the table, and both advanced toward the GUS
toner. They were too much for him. He
seized his hat and overcoat and fled, pausing
at the door to hiss something about lunatic
asylum between his teeth.
When he had gone the German barber
dropped into chair i'll a paroxysn Of
laughter
"Chake," said he, ''dot's der greatest day
uf my life.-New York Sun.