Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1888-11-07
HUMOROUS DRIFT.

NURsE-Have you any condensed
goats milk? Drug Clerk (from Boston)
No, ma'am; but we have goats
milk Observation-Disclosures Record.
HE-How beautiful Miss Arrowsmith's
back hair is She-Yes. Much pref
tier than her front hair. wonder she
didn't get it all at the same place
Harper's Bazaar.
CHARLEY saw that fresh young
Spilkins next you in church yesterday.
Clara-Yes; but I crushed him. Char
ley-What did you do? Clara-I loaned
him my psalter.-LoweU Citizen.
A MAN who registered from Heaven"
was at a Dighton hotel one day this
week. He did not state when he would
return home, and is evidently pleased
with Kansas Garden City Sentinel.
NOBODY has invented continuance
whereby man at the theater can drop
cent into the slot and get a Glove
N. Y. Sun. Possibly not, but several
bodies have invented continuance
whereby man at the theater can drop
a Glove into the slot and get scent.
LITTLE Cora heard an older person re-
mark that someone who was in trouble
was "in a pickle" Shortly afterward
her little brother attempted some diff
she exclaimed, cor you will be in Gu
cumber. Boston Youths Companion.
"WE are wasting millions of years on
useless spelling,5 says the st. Louis
Globe Democrat This is strong plea
for phonetic reform. A million years
out of an editors life, even though he
live in st. Louis, is something that
ought not to be d.-Bahimore
american.
SHOE dealer Ito clerk)-William. why
did you insist upon selling to that old
gentleman who lust went out pair of
small, soft shoes when he called for
large cowhide boots? "Well-er-"
81 insist upon knowing" 1.-The fact is,
I call on his daughter quite frequently
in the evenings. "-Lincola Journal.
JoNEs-Hello, Smith. Congratula-
tons [ hear that you are engaged.
But between friends, old fellow, don't
see how you plucked up courage to do
it. Smith-Well, you see, we got to
talking politics, trusts, rings, ETC., and
drifted right on to the matter before
we knew it.-Burtingtor (La.) Free Press.
MISS AUGUSTA MAYNE Ito Pat Chogue,
who has just rendered her his seat)--
s'You have my sincere thanks, sir ! -
Pat Chogue-''Not at all, mum; not at
Some folk only does it phen a lass be
pretty; but I says, says I, the sect,
Pat, says / mot the indiyidool! y
Puck.
civilian WEEsBACK, you are charged
with having beaten your wife" "The
charge is correct your honor" what
are you smiling about, Them" ST have
reason to smile. We've been married
five years, and in all the scraps we've
had, this is the first time haven't come
out second best. Have cigar, judge"
NEBRASKA State Journal.
On the cars-s'So you are from Arizo-
ma ?" Yes" "Howls the Tombstone
busted it ?' "a prominent citizen shot
the editor" "What for?'' '.You see
he wrote Horrible Blunder' as head
line to 90 over an account of a railroad
accident, but the foreman made mis-
take and put it over the account of
wedding. "-Teras SJtings.
WHERE did you last work ?' asked
Mr.. Easy. eli were 'ostler for hoffi-
cer," replied the new coachman. 81
see," said the gentleman, kindly; "you
are young man of misplaced aspira-
tons; but that won't matter here. [
have no daughter, and you can't run
away with my wife; she won't trust me
long enough out of her sight to elope
with anybody. "-Burdette.
"WoULD you like to have an engage
ment?" asked theatrical manager of a
musician. 'No. / don't seem to care
about it," was the cautious reply. "Lots
of money in it for you" Glow much II
you promise ?" "A hundred dollars a
week and expenses. Better try it."
"No, 1 guess not. You see, I've got
sure thing of $27 month playing the
organ in a church here. "-Merchant
Traveller.
II DON'T ask for much, ma'am," said
the jaded tourist, humDly, ''but if you
can give me only piece of bread"
Bread ?" shrieked the lady. raising her
hands in horror. "Only a piece of
bread can give you some saddle
rock oysters, roast turkey with cram
berry sauce, and glass of champagne,
and if that isn't good enough for you,
sir, you can 90 on to the next house.
Do you take me for millionaire ?''-
Chicago Tribune.
you?" A dollar bill is produced. The
borrower looks at it moment thought
fully, and then exclaims: "By the way,
Fred, just remembered that there are
counterfeit one-dollar bills in circula-
ton. To prevent mistake suppose you
take this back and lend me two in
stead. Thanks A fellow can never
be too careful In money matters, you
know. So long! See you later g'-BOs-
ton Transcript.
BEAUTIFUL girl lat dog fancier's)-
Why, papa, there are no nice English
pugs here. Father--I see; guess we
have got into the wrong place. But
what magnificent watch dogs they have
here What breed is that handsome
animal, Mr.. De Brute? Experienced
dealer-He is cross between bull
dog and tiger. That dog, sir, ii given
the word, would swallow dude at one