Connecticut western news., 1888-08-29
HUMOROUS

A uOt Uall-4 uo Suus
 A building lot-The beavera
 A big cable pool-The Atlantic.
 A dry Doc.-A thirsty physician.
 It may sound paradoxical, but fogs never would be mist.
 Uncasily lies tho tongue that hasn't the evidence to back it.
 The music of the spheres-.The sound of colliding billiard balls.
 To make long story short-Sond 1t to the editor of newspaper.
 The French are excellent judges of horse -flosh-W When it's cookedl
 ''It's perfect angel of n house." said she. "All wings, Isupposc, said he.
 A barber's school is talked of in Boston. or course only little shavers will go there.
 An exchange has an article on ''The Early Days of Newfoundland" Wonder if the editor referred to dog daysa
 A small boy, required to write sem tence con taining the word 'hominy" produced the following: "Hominy mar bles have youa'
 Miss Branigan: Don't you think Mir. Donovan hos very sensitive mouthi Miss McBerrin (blushing violently! How should know9
 ''How does the new girl strike youf" asked husband. ''She hasn't struck me yet" answered the wife meokly. 'But she has done almost every thing else"
 Bumptious youth-'T tell you what grandmother, I'll never marry a girl who is not my inferior." Grandmother (severely) Addison, do you want to marry an idiotp
 The reflection of on anarchist in picture gallery: How exasperating to think of SO much canvas wasted while thousands of poor wretches are unable to afford more than one shirt to their backs.
 'What do you publish paper for, I'd like to know9" sarcastically inquired an irate politician, tackling country editor. "For $2. % year, in advance" responded the editor, land you owe me for four years."
 A little pamphlet called ''Humour in ye Sixteenth Century" shows that ye joker of that period borrowed great deal of his wit from ye humorist of ye nineteenth century, without giving particle of credit.
 Member of local baseball club-''Kiu you tell me what thatload r logs is fer, that como up on your trainG' Captain of league team-''Them's our bats" Member of local team-'Say, boss, we'll forfeit tn gamep'
 "What is the price of that teaG" she asked of the corner grocer. "One dol lar 'narf, marm," was the response. els not that too steopT' was the next question; and tho c. g. replied: ''Yes, marm; that's what they do with it."
 Young ladies are now filling ''head al- bums." Each gentleman is asked for e 'shape' of his head as given by hat conformateur in hat store, and it is pasted into an elegantly-bound scrap. book. It is new way the girls havo of getting a head of the boys
 Mrs. Louox Hill, Jr.: Er-doesn't it seem to you, Henry, as if there was something Ihad forgotten in making this pound-cakoa MT. Lenox Hill Jr. (crit- ically): Well. yes; if it only had handle, you know, it would be easier to pound with.
 Shc--No, MT. DeDood, cannot be your wife, but will be sister to you. Mr. Do Dood: An, thanks. So glad, don't you know. You arc tho forty seventh sister aud tho season isn't half over. And Chollio Slim has only got eighteen, don't you know.
 'I wonder if anybody will miss mo whom I'm gone," sighel dudo at country boarding house. 'I dunno 'tout that" said the old farmer, ''but if yor keep on actin just liko silly girl everybody round here will Miss ycr and don't yer forget it"
 Startling -'Tm very glad to have been of any comfort to your poor hus- band, my good woman. But what made you send for me, instead of your own ministerT' "Wecl, sir, it's typhus my poor husbands got and we dinna think N just rect for our own mlnistsf Q svA Ahl tlahH