The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-07-26
WIT AND HUMoR.

A fellow whose girl went back on
him says she is afflicted with "heart
failure. ."-lMartha's Vineyard Herald.
1t is one of the peculiarities of things
in general that the freshest men gem
orally tell the stalest stories.-Boston
Commercial.
what becomes of the old moons,
pap" THE old moons, my son? Why
they die of new moonia, of course
LINN Item.
She is not necessarily brunette.
but the object of woman who will
paint and powder is to keep her real
complexion dark.-Boston Transcript.
Young man (in restaurant) )-Er-
waiter, don't like the appearance of
this napkin. Waiter-That napkin
was fresh this morning, sir-Harper's
Bazaar.
Il say, old man, can You tell me
what is the first present mentioned in
the bibleP" ''Giye it up" why. Eve
presented Adam with Cain. stupid. !"
-LJe.
We are informed that the bosa-ton of
the Chinese in this country are sort
of Washington This is a most touch
s H.' 'e
- s"e
He-Why does Miss Jaundice always
wear lilies of the valley? She-I can't
imagine-particular as flowers of the
plain would be so much more appro-
priate.-Lte.
Quack doctors do business ON the
supposition that only one man in a
dozen is sensible. 1t appears to us that
TINS Is rather large estiiia'e'-f'
ester 11pfess.
Let Mime. DeBar show us the spirit
painted portrait OF our next presi-
dent OF tne .Unlted states, ana then'
and not until then, shall we believe
Aosoets os1t~eh.
Friend Ito convaleseent)-I s'pose
your pneumonia cost you "a goou ueai. a
Drown CohValeseent-ol no' so'
II In an open sueet-car 1of nse CENTS
Harper's Bdzar.
Professor of English-I wish you
could have been present at our college
commencement Speaker OF Engiish
II was, SIR. l helped lay the corner
Stone Onadha word.
"a lie grows as it travels A fish
erman's lie IS an exception. IL Is tne
nsh that grows, ana the lie is eul' oast-
ed and sewed to salt the size OF the
fish.-Bost0n C0urser.
Mrs. Waldo (of Boston, Isn't MIR.
Wabash of Chicago, an original Young
man, fenelopee Miss feneiope-He's
more than that, mamma; ne IS aborig-
lnai.-Neao TORS 'oan.
Strangers who have been in Boston
muddy days say they can never again
be brought to believe that Lowell is
the simon-pure. original Spindle City.
--S0nserGstte journal.
Edison is totally deaf and is the
father of an infant, and says he would
sacrifice everything to get his hearing
back. Genius is frequently eccentric.
-Neso Hace'a Netcs.
Aim hard up, and want money
badly. Ed-Why not write to some of
your friendsp Al-That's the trouble.
have too many friends. | wish l
knew stranger Harper's Bazar.
If the human race was evolved from
the apes, it at least has the satisfaction
OF knowing that its ancestors were in
telligent-they were educated in the
higher branches.-NeaO York Tribune.
Mr.. Bascomb-I see that the Uni-
,,o,s;tv Of Raloana eelabr,tas ;ts s0oth
anniversary the 18th. Mrs. Bascomb
%, how should like to be there and
see them make the saHsages!-Bartsng-
ton Free Press.
81 never pass that house across the
way.p said Dumley. ..that | do not see
that nrettv little woman ON the lawn.
She must spend most of her time
there" Brownies. she does; she is
a grass widow.-Neto York San.
Proprietor-Haye good dinner, sir?
Guest-Can't say / did, but YOU have
two things on the bill as fine as any
wbere In the IJn;tad States Propr;ator
(fattered9- and they are? Guest
The salt and the e-water.-TSme
Rrown-You don't loot wall Robin.
ann. what,sl tha ,,a+ta,. go s;oI Poh;,
son-YaS. sn,oL.J too.n,an,. o;o-a =. ~
dav Rra,xn'NHov n,anv haSa Yo,
smokodp Rol;nson IN. 80 -,
gave me last night-Neso York San.
Brown-Yon don't look we'll latalv
Robinson RohinsoneNNo. can't
~ sioar ~ ,,;oLt nS s an is
tronble Rrn5n MonSanaa. ., ,.o',,. -, ,anIs
ore oil ,;abt Poh,nsn w w ,u a;:o
are. the tronbIe Is with the bahy,s
Puck.
INDIGNANT dnda-T want Won 70 nm
darStaS ed s;,. lit r,o oa.,eoa
Otbsr fal,o.. All All ,;ari,. s;,. f,.;aad
of tba family viii Do nv % bast h.'.
Won arc nntt;na NV conoc;t, formndar' I"'
Standing to fearful l" Fest y Dr. Arhnnso,o o
Traveller.
Mistress- -Rr;5ao+ ,,ha,.o 70 that ,;o-
ture of Psvcha That balongs in the