Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1888-07-29


will correct the sentences so as to max
them readable, for my stiff fingers and dul
head are not accustomed to this sort
work.
My main purpose, however, is to ex
plain and, as far as / can, set myself RICH
in reference to an unpleasant TRANSACTION
that lately took place in N village. On
member Of Congress came home from
Washington the other day, and q meeting
was called ut Noodletoczy, our neares
village. to hear him tell about the protec
tive tariff, and the attempt of Democrati
free traders to fetch about its destruction
/ was fool enough to attend that meeting
/ ought to have kept at home. / went
and / took q back seat. Now, before tn,
war I was q Henry Clay whig. In tn,
war / sent my mi to the field, and CAV,
to the not only my taxes but all tn,
donations / could get from the farm.
am q methodist class leader, and q man o
peace. Ii has been customary to regart
me as a Republican leader of q town
ship, and when a meeting is held / an
called to preside. We had the town hal
full, and soon il was moved for me to tax,
tina chair. l got up and declined. / sale
/ did not feel we'll, and might be forced Il
leave before the meeting was over. This wa
strictly true; / was sick of protection, and
expected to be sicker by hearing the Hon
Lyeurgus Leatherlunge pour ont his lyinl
trash. / was excused, and Esquire Jonei
took the place.
The Hon. Lycurgus took the stand and
opened his cheeks in the center with th,
old, old gush Of the grandeur and achieve
ments of the Republican party. / could
stand this, for i was used to il. But wher
he got on the prosperity of a country,
and said was all owing to q protective tariff,
/ got uneasy as if / was setting on nettles
AT last, when he said that the protective
tariff lowered the price of goods, and ap
pealed to the Democrats present-anG
there were several on hand, for Noodle
toozy is a lager beer saloon of three hun.
dred inhabitants, and OF course Democrats
abound-I say when he made this appeal,
l got up and asked if / might put q ques'
ton.
The Hon. Lycurgus looked surprised,
as all the meeting did, but he said, "Oh,
certainly! we're always delighted to hear
from the Nestor OF Washington town
ship"
"well." l said, very sarcastic, ''the
Nestor wants you to explain, if q protec.
tive tariff lowers prices, what's the good
of q protective tariff"
Certainly" cried the M. O., nothing
easier. You see, before q protective tariff
is enacted, the foreign manufacturers have
q monopoly, and they put prices up to
what they please. Under the fostering
care of a protective tariff this is stopped,
home industries thrive, and competition
brings down prices"
There was laundering applause among
the fools at this; but / wasn't to he put
down in that way, so i went on: Every
good, very good indeed; but if that is the
end Of protection, why not have it at the
beginning? Why put up prices on us,
only 10 pull things down agsin?"
mo, indeed" he replied; ''for our
great object is to foster American labor
aud not capital. Under ouI system wages
of labor 60 up steadily"
There was another round of applause. II
made me mad as q hornet, and 1 said:
Hold on, hold on, there. l know, and j
believe you know, that the worst paid
labor in the country is protected labor.
Why, look into the Hooking valley here,
right under your nose, and see miners work
ed like mules and paid scarcely enough to
keep their wretched souls in their wretch
cd bodies. They're worse of than niger
slaves before the war"
BY this time the Democrats present be-
gan to get the bearing of our discourse,
and they gave m q laundering round Of
applause, Pete Slocum shouting, 'Go it,
old Solw "Hit i'm agin We'll
stand by We The Republicans began to
hiss, and all the Democrats hanging
around Whites corner anne crowdipg in.
L saw LncIo WGs sOin6 - ~ "A dlStuI LEsDpa
and as a class leader and u law abiding
citizen / felt disposed to back out; but Just
then the Hon. Lycurgus spoke.
ut pains me" he said, ito see our ven
cradle friend lending himself to this rsb.
BILE of unpstriotic people, willing TO sacri'
flee American labor to British interests. Ii
he prepared to have these British pour in
on as their cheap products?'
Eyes. he is % / shouted. 'Let 'em
pour. If / can get cheap clothes for my
children, and cheap blankets to cover
them, i say, let 'em pour. / am as patri.
otto as any man; but if that means put
ting rags on the backs of my little ones,
and taking food out of their hungry
mouths, and making slaves of us all, l am
not that sort of O patriot. Let 'em pour.
Lycurgus; let 'em pour. They can waken
me up at midnight with their pouring in
| Of nhaan fhinno ord punntk ha attended, ~
At this the Democrats fairly yelled,
while they spplauded with hands, feet and
sticks. They shouted, "Let 'em pour,
Lycurgus, let 'em pour ~ The Republi,
cans were ali up on their feet. Some
shoated, 'Put him out ~ "Put him out r'
meaning the undersigned. But Lycurgus
waved his hand, and, as soon as he could
be heard, aaid, "No, permit the unhappy
old man to remain. We want him as an
example. He is a member Of the imam,
ous Golden club, that is using it's gold to
break down our great American system
i could not stand this, 80 / shouted
back, "Lycurgus Leatherlungs, if You say
/ am a member of the Golden club, or any
other club, you are an Internal liar"
The tumult that followed defes descrip.
ton. Everybody spoke at once. and in
the midst of the confusion thst restless
son of Satan, slippery Sam Jones, a born
idiot, threw a dead cat that took the Hon.
Lycurgus square in the countenance.
say it wa slippery Sam, for he is as SURE
to have q dead cat about him 8 q protec.
ZIONIST has his cry Of British gold. Let il
rest, however, as 10 who threw the cat.
II was thrown. and it silenced the Hon.
Lycurgus, adjourned the meeting. and
came near burning down the Noodletoozy
town hall; for, as the Hon. l.. staggered
back, he knocked over the table, and with
it a kerosene lamp. The lamp exploded,
and the whole concern tumbled into the
street without waiting for a motion to ad'
journ.
/ am very sorry the disturbance occur
red. / believe, however, l got the best o.
the argument. Sol. PUTNAM.
The Victim OF Conscience.
BuTd<tte.
81 am in terror" sighed poor Mrs. Good
mother, every time hear the bell ring,
| know I'll hear something dreadful about
Jack. Pm sure he's been into some awful
mischief"