The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1888-09-01
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS,

It's pity that the dude can't be
allowed the woman's privilege of
changing his mind. Perhaps if he were
he might possibly make a swap for one
that was occasionally good for some
thing.-JournGL Of Education.
The reason why so many old families
die out is because the younger ones have
not bee sense enough to swarm. They
want to stay together and live on each
other until they all starve.-M o. Plea
yatne.
-She-'Ralph, why did you send
me little red flag to-day" Ralph Ga
rejected and detected suitor) IL beg
you will wear it as a signal of danger.
You know, | would not like to see the
other fellows suffer as | do now
Life.
Young man," he said solemnly,
"what would you think if l should put
an enemy into my mouth to steal away
my brains?' Il would (hic) think,
sir" hic-coughed the young man,
THAT you were going to an unneces-
| SdFy expense. ". L. OU2I.
With 100000 represented in q
single dog show this country has no
reason to be discouraged. Twenty years
from now we shall be worth many mill
ions in dogs, though we may possibly
lose a few sheep. -LouiSUtHe Courier
Journal.
An article is going the rounds of
! the papers headed: How to Select a
Wife" Its rules are very scientific
and interesting, but when a young man
falls in love he doesn't ponder over
rules. Hejust shuts both his eyes tight
and grabs frantically in the dark
/ SomerUiLLe Journal.
Prospective son-in-law-''M Modern
custom justifies me in asking you how
much you are going to give your daugh-
ter in case we marry?" Prospective
Observation-Disclosures, and modern GUS
tom justifes me in asking you how
many of your debts you expect to pay
with my money. "-TeraS SJtingS.
Mrs. Chilsley-" see statistics
show that forty-five per cent, of male
criminals are unmarried" Mr.. Chils-
ley-"Which shows how many men
prefer the penitentiary to matrimony."
And the ensuing silence was 50 deep
that Mrs. Chilsley could hear herself
reflect. PUCK.
Us it becoming ome?" she asked,
as she paraded in the costume Of one
hundred years ago before her husband.
Eyes, my DEAR" said he, meekly.
Don't you wish 1 could dress in this
fashion always?" "No, my dear; but
wish" he added musingly, you had
lived when that was the style"
-Lightning-rod agent Ito boy): "Is
that your father lying there in the
shade, sonny?" Boy-"No, sir; pas
away, an me and ma is the only ones
at home; that's dead book agent.
Dye want to sell ma any thing?"
Thunder, nor' said the ightning-rod
| man.
The day will come in this country
when the man who carries a cane
under his arm and the man who car
ries an umbrella on his shoulder, will
be taken out and hit with squash,
and hit hard enough to kill. Then the
woman with the baby cart wants to
look out.-Detr0u Free Press.
Long haired Stranger -"My friend,
don't you believe in the grand old
maxim that Honesty is the best policy?'
Citizen-"Well, l didn't use to, sir;
but now that 1 have accumulated d
snug fortune and retired from business,
I'm beginning to think there's some
thing in it. An honest man, stranger,
is very noble work indeed, Time.
According to the Republican, q
Springfield market man sent an order
to farmer in neighboring town for
some chickens, but neglected to state
whether the fowls should be shipped
alive or dressed. Not being up" on
current literature, he was rather sur
prised to receive a postal the next day,
on which was written: 1.-The quick or
the dead?"
-"Why, Bilbeck," said Singleman
to a friend in restaurant, ~ thought
you went to housekeeping a week ago,
and now l find you here taking your
meals?" Eyes, said Bilbeck, garnish-
ing fried oyster with ketchup, 1.-TWO
days after we commenced housekeep-
ing our cook was taken sick, and my
wifehas been filling her place, and you
know she took lessons at a cooking
school. "-Drake'S Magazine.