davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
A Mean Trick.

Gus De Smith has been engaged to q
number of young ladies, but thus far he
has never married any of them. Besides
being gay Lothario, Gus is also poet.
On meeting friend recently Gus re-
marked:
"Did you hear that I was engaged
again7"
"You don't tell me so2 When are you
going to get married9"
Il didn't say that was going to get
married. lam only engaged"
"What is the young lady's name"
"Her name is Lucy. Two other young
ladies to whom I was engaged were
named Lucy. That's why engaged
mysef to this last girl. 1 can use on
this present Lucy the sonnets and love-
letters used on the other two. See2"
-Sytings.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
4 Bird Without o Nest.

The term night-hswk is commonly ap}
piled to several species, all OF whtcf
have certain peculiarlties. From ~
curious cry one is called chuck-will'sI
widow, this call being uttered so Loudly
by the bird that it has been heard FOL
nearly a mile. About the middle q
March they come back frem their winte1
niIorimaee; and unlike most of th$
birds, they have no Housekeeping Y
keen them busy, as they build NJ
nests. While the robbins, humnlfn
birds. thrushes and others are busil1
securing the country for material wit
which to build their nurseries, the chuck
wil,s-widow is fast asleep in some out
of.the-wa corner, only coming cut il
the afternoon aud evening to gather it
supply of food. When the time come
for laying, our seemingly lazy bir1
selects some secluded spot and deposit
her eggs anywhere on the ground, an
the very first glimpse, if we are fol
tunate in finding them at all, explain
why she builds no nest. The eggs az
almost the exact color of the surround
ings, and so mottlcd and tinted tina
only by the merest accident are they dif
covered, and when the two little chuck
wilps-widows come out they are eve
more difficult to find than the eggs
Being very sleepy little fellows tha
rarely move, and, though standing with
in few inches of them, the observe
might suppose them to be two old brow
Leaves or a bunch of moss, so deceivin|
Is their mimicry.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
FOREST FIRE.

Summer heard q hidden locnst whirring;
Etooped she to the flowers with sigh.
-Daxfngs, come" she said; i've must be
stirring.
Hsar the heraldi Autumn draweth nigh"
30. her lifted skirt with flowers heaping,
Passed she through the fields and wood
land ways.
Tiny creatures, tween the bushes peeping
Saw her go, with sorrow in their gaze.
Laughing, turned she, ere she went, uphold
ing
Ger the land her sun-glass high in air;
Boon was seen thin smoke veil enfolding
Distant hills and valleys everywhere.
Ihen she slipped away with silent laughter,
Ere the spark had quickeied into flame.
~Ruddy Autumn swiftly follows after"
Whispered she, land he shaH bear the
blame"
Soon stealthy yellow flame was creeping
Here and there along maple bough.
Swift from tree to tree the fire went leaping.
Loi how all the woods are blazing now"
Charles P. Sherman in Harper's Weekly.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
Admiral Luce on Coast Defsncs.

The following views of Rear-Ad,|
mirsl Luce, given to q Baltimore
Sun man, will be read with interest.
In speaking of the interior waterwsys
running parallel with the Atlantic Coast
near the shore, he says: I-,.,,,,,: VI.
"The need of an inland system on
canals along the coast is undoubted.
The strategic naval waterways In war
would be Long Island Sound, by hold
ing which New \ ork and BrooklynI
could he protected, and the Delaware
aud Chesapeake Bay, commanding the
approaches to Philadelphia, Baltimore,
Washington and Norfolk. 1t is not SO
much necessary to have large naval
force as it is to have an efficient one that
could be quickly transferred from one
po;nt to another. AS soon as the enemy
begin to concentrate their feet at any
one point our monitors and gunboats
could. at o moments notice, be sent
through the inland canals, with nothing
to molest or disturb them, to the threat
ened points. :.
should be deepened so that big yesseia
could run through it. The Chesapeake
and Delaware Caual should also bs
broadened and deepened, and its ap1
proaches, which are bad, should be I'M
proved. The Government and private
corporations should work together In imd
proving these canals. The Erie Cana
Should be widened and deepened to ac7
commodate war vessels, SO that the lakea
would be easy of access BY holding
the yelling Canal England can dispatch
her big gun boats aud ironclads intd
the lakes, where they would work dej
struction. The United States coulc
only send some small gunboats through
the canal and over the railroad"
.If I were going to improve ting
nayy.n said Admiral Luce. 81 would bel
GIN by improving the merchant marine
One NAV be said to be Indispensable e
the other. I would change the law g
that foreign built ship could sail unde1
the American flag. Then l would, q
far as practicable, offer bounties in SOM
form or other for building steamers
Itslv, France and England have EN-
ployed this bounty system successfully
and do not see why We cannot DO q
equally as successfully"
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
Washing Away a Continent.

The average discharge from the Mis-
souri, into the Mississippi. is estimated at
10 cubic feet per second. This would
be 100000 cubic yards per day. and
80, 600, 900 cubic yards per year. At
food stage the sediment has reached
the enormous amount of 4,0O0. 600 cubic
Yards in one day. This would make a
bluk tweaty-thrce miles long and 100
ya,ds across, and !UOO miles of such
Ievee in year. When the united rivers
pour into the gulf, the output OF SOIL
annually IS twice the above amount.
The meaning of such figures it is i'm.
possible to measure. One hundred and
ffifty cubic miles of the continent
tumbled annually into the sea by one
watershed! The wear and waste OF
cultivable soil is enormous. But the
Great problem for man is how to control
the mud-laden waters so that they shall
not destroy ruthlessly on the way to
their discharge. Gloje- Democrat.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
Breadmaking in Norway.

BroadmaEiag, writes correspondent.
was another industry which we had
good opportunity Of seeing while we
changed horses at one of the stations.
Contrary to onr expectations, we found
white bread everywhere, but the com
mon bread is heavy bread, the chief
ingredient of which is rye. 1t is always
sour; the good housewife intends it to
be so. They have also "tat bread, "
made of potatoes aud rye. 1t was this
kiud of bread that the two women.
whom we happened in upon, we're max,
ing. They were in a little underground
room, unlightcd, except from the door.
The walls were Of stone and the floor Of
earth. They were seated one upon either
side of long low table, upon which
were huge mounds of dough. The one
nearest the door cut off piece of this
and nodded it, and rolled it out to GER
tain degree of thinness, then the other
took it. and with the greatest care.
rolled it still more. At her right hand
was the fireplace, and upon the Goals was
a red piece of iron forming huge grid.
die more than half yard across. The
bread matched this nearly in size when
it was ready to, be baked, and it was
spread out and turned upon the grlddle
with great dexterity, and as soon as it
was baked it was added to great heap
on the floor. The woman said she should
continue to bake bread for thirty days.
She had large family of men, who con-
sumed great deal; they had to bake
very often in consequence. In many
places they do not bake bread oftener
than twice year; then it is a eircum'
stance like haying or harvesting. we
heard an Englishman say of this bread oi
the country: lone might eat an acre OF
it and then not be satisfied"
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
What Gan He Tell Pa?

Clara tshylyJ-"You will have to gain
papa's consent first, Mr.. sampson, ere l
give you my answer"
MIR. Sampson (heart throbbing with
hope)-"Can see him at once, dear
Clara2"
II think so, Mr.. Sampson; and papa is
80 absurdly practical, he may ask some
foolish questions"
What will he ask2
He may want to know how much you
are worth, aud oh, Mr.. Sampson-George
land the name dropped SO sweetly from
her lips)-what will you tell him2-SJt-
ings.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
Finest State Apartments In Europe

President Carnot, Of France, and Mime.
Carnot live at Fonta nebleau this season
in the suite of rooms fitted up by the
Empress Eugenie for her son against his
coming of aye. They have the use Of
all the private ana state apartments OF
the palace, all of which have been care
fully kept in order for the past eighteen
wears, although the palace has been prac-
tically deserted. The state rooms are
said to be the finest in Europe. Fon-
taineblear was created for the tallest
King of his time, 1t is said, Francis l.,
and his height was tho unit of measure
ment which the architect took in pitch.
ing the ceilings and the cross beams Of
the floor. The cabinet makers did the
same, and the sofas and carved chuirs,
which were just right for Francis, are
useless for the present generation.
Neither of the Napoleons could sit in
them without using couple of steps to
mount upon. -TSmes.Democrat.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
Food for a Lover

He-"Amauda, this is the neat little
restaurant where l have those delicious
lunches I have mentioned to you but
could not describe, and this is Tom, the
waiter who serves me my favorite dishes
80 nicely.
She-"How sweet, Adolphus."
He-"What will you order, Amanda
They have birds, oysters, and all the
delicacies OF the season."
She-"Your favorite dish, Adolphus,
of course. Waiter, you may fetch Mr..
Wigwag's favorite order, which he says
YOU serve so nicely"
Waiter-"Yes, lady" giving order)-
"Draw one in de dark. Soused pigs feet
IN de iron.n .n-NeW York Sun.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
The Handsomest Horse In the World.

At the horse annex OF the Buffalo (N.
~ fair, every variety of the equine race
was represented from the huge Clydes-
dales weighing over 1000 pounds, with
hams like an elephants and white fet-
locks that sweep the ground, down to
the daintiest darling OF Shetland pony.
mouse color and white, hardly larger
than a Newfoundland dog, and Gmbed
like deer. Very funny was group of
extra diminutive ponies with their de-
mure little mule colts beside them.
There were many Percheron and French
coach horses, splendid creatures, most
of them imported, but pc haps the two
most notable animals were Mambrino
King and Al.Monarch. Al-Monarch, the
bold originality of whose Arabo-Greek
title cannot be too much admired, is not
80 celebrated for his speed, as for the
fact that he is the father of El-Monarch,
q horse of 2:173 record, the last quarter
being at a pace which would reduce it
to s:OS if the whole mile had been at
the same speed. El.Monarch did not
himself appear in the flesh, but the pub.
lie were consolcd by photograph, PEE
sumably instantaneous, which represents
him as flying through the air apparently,
all four feet being alf the ground. l be-
lieve the instantaneous process has es-
tablished the fact that swift trotting
horse is frequently detached in that
fashion.
As for Mambrino King, he travels on
his beauty, having the reputation of be-
ino the handsomeSt horse in the world.
This at least was the claim boldly made
for him by the placard in front of his
box. He certainly has beautiful head
and eyes of indie, cribable magniticence.
As it was impossible to exhibit him In
motion, the instantaneous photograph
was again brought into requisition.
wonderfully spirited picture, that re-
called Jobs warhorse. He looks there
ike an embodied thunderbolt. - Times
DsnlOcrut
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
Learning to Shop.

Pretty Miss-"Ilave you any plows'"
Jewe!er-'tf lows"
"ies, or harrows!"
"Harrows"
eyes or rakes, or hoes, or moving
machines"
See here, my little miss, you seem to
be out of your head, and don't know
but may be 1 ought to call doctor or
policeman Or"
"Oh, mercy me! Don't do that! My
head is al right. You see, I wanted to
90 shopping, and as had not any money
ma told me to be careful not TO- ask for
anything the store ! went into was Likely
to have in stock. "-PhiaGe, phtG Record.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
VanquisheG.

uYos, malicious nuisaucew exclaimed
the angry business man. ''you have been
here every day for the last six months.
How many more times do you need to
be told that 1 never buy anything of
peddlers?'
81 am carrying out the wishes of my
late father, SIR" said the peddler. "He
called on you 397 times without ever
making a sale and then turned the Job
over to me. He died OF broken heart,
air, and am fast breaking down, but l
have son Who"
II surrender" said the business man,
brokenly. 81 don't want the blood of
three generations on my head. I'll take
your entire stock if you quit and call 1t
square, 20 Chiccqe Tribune.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
Didn't Recognize the Bivalvcs.

Mr.. Byam Kegs (from Kalamazoo, with
intense disgust. Here, waiter, l
ordered raw oysters. What on airth
are these nasty black stones!
Waiter (petrifed)-"Oystahs, sah-on
de hatf.shell, sah!" 49,.
Mr.. Byam keggs-"Haff-shell, is it?
Oh, git outl I've eat million canned
oysters out home, and never saw a shell
on ary one of themp
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
Then You'll Remember Ne.

Restaurant Waiter Ito departing Gus
toner who has failed to give him the
accustomed tip)-"You'il not forget me,
will you"
Misery Party-'No, indeed. I'll
write you q letter when I get home. ~
Sylings.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
A Precautionary Measure.

Enamored You'll -"Your father treats
me with the most distinguished consid-
grafton. The other night he called to
me as I was eaving and reminded me 1
was forgetting my umbrella"
Sweet Girl-"ies, papa wasafraid you
would be coming back after it the next
evening" PHILADELPHIA Record.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
Careful of His Mind.

Woman Ito tramp)-"I s'pose you've
travelled good deal in this country"
Tramp-"I know every toot Of it,
Ma'am, from ortland, Maine, to the
Rio Grande."
Womau-"Don't ye git tired o. travel
in sometimes2"
Tramp-"Occasionally, Ma'am, I am
oppressed with more or less ennui: still,
there's nothing like travel, you know,
to broaden ones mind. "-The Epoch.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
A Woman's Peculiar Malady.

There is living in Cleveland, Ohio. a
lady afflicted with a peculiar malady
which has puzzled and baffled the entire
medical fraternity of this section of the
country. Herself the sister of we'll
known physician, she has been unable
to obtain any relief, and has turned In
despair from one form of treatment to
another without avail. Some years ago,
when a young girl, the house in which
sho was stopping at the time was struck
by lightning. All of the inmates were
stunned, and more or less seriously in
jured. This young lady suffered more
severely than the other victims. The
shock completely paralyzed both her Or
gans of speech and motion, and she lay
for days in a most precarious condition.
Recovery, although slow, was appar-
emily complete, however, and in few
weeks the effect of tile stroke had en-
tirely passed away, says tie Pittsburg
Dispatch.
One day she felt the dread symptoms
of paralysis stealing over her, and before
assistance could be summoned the un-
fortunate woman was again Frustrated,
speeches., and unable to move muscle
of her body. 1t was noticed at the time
that heavy thunder storm was brewing,
and that the air was overcharged with
electricity. When the storm was over
the patient rapidly recovered, and the
next day was as well as ever, save the
nervous shock attending the relapse.
The next tn nder storm brought with
it the same alarming state of affairs, and
again was the young woman paralyzed,
recovering only when the atmosphere
was cleared of its overcharge of elec-
tricity. The fact that the victims sys.
TEN, rendered sensitive to electrical
changes by the frightful shock it had re-
ceived when she was struck by light.
ming, was now susceptible to the slightest
presence of the subtle fluid, was row ap-
parent, and medical science was called
into requisition to effect cure. All
remedies proved ineffective, and with
every recurring thunder storm the un.
fortunate woman relapses into state of
partial or complete paralysis, according
to the severity of the storm. Her health
has, of course, suffered from the con-
slant strain put upon her both physically
and mentally. but there appears to be
no relief from the maladY if it can be
termed such.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
Not Due to Success.

First Poetical Aspirant Ito second
1itto)-"So you say you sent of more
than hundred poems aud never had one
returnedl"
Second P. A.-'That's what I said"
First p. A.-"It's phenomenal sue
cess wish knew the secret"
Second P. A.-"Well, I've sometimes
thought it was because never enclosed
postage stamps. ."-LJe.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
Two Pictures.

In Courtship-"What makes the stars
go dim to-night2" she asked.
"Your eyes are so bright they out
shine them," he said, as he tenderly
pressed her hand.
After Marriage 81 wonder how many
telegraph poles it would take to reach
from here to the moon3" she said,
musingly.
cone, if it was long enough" he
snapped; "why can't you talk sense2"
-ij0ston Courier.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
He Liked to Be Accurate.

The farmers wife ran out to the road
and looked up and down. A tramp was
shum;ing alon g, when she hailed him. Il
say, did you see any COWS in the corn in
that corner lotl"
"No, ma'am," he replied as he lifted
his hat, II didn't see any cows in the
corn, but did see some of the corn 60
ing into the cows at ="
But she was off. Ii g.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
Creature OF Habit.

"Are you going out riding"
eyes"
"Why do you take that bell along in
stead of a whip9"
"Because, you see, I bought this horse
from the street railroad company and he
won't move unless ring a bell."-
Ftiegende Btatter.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
The roses from the wild rose-trees

The roses from the wild rose-trees
Upon the grass are falling,
And geese in happy argoeies
Fly southwark, wildly calling.
Upon the top rail of the fence
Tho squirrels madly chat .er,
Az; in the forest, deep and dense,
Inc chestnuts gaily patter;
And Mary Jane will soon commence
To make the buckwheat batter.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES

An Autumnal Idyl-Then You'll
Remem Der Me-A Precautfon-
ary Measure-A Creature
of Habit, Etc, Etc.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24

George W. Gable calls Maurice Thomp..
spn the sweetest and most gifted Of
poets of the present DAY.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
A Pointed Reply.

After the downfall of Napoleon in
1915, the French Government became
liable for the amount of $50 million
francs, which was to be paid over to
Allies within three years, to reimburse
them for the expense of the campaign.
The payments were to be made in 1916 in
gold. but as the French were unable to
raise the amount in gold, the Allies had
to be satisfied with silver in payment of
the other installment.
The people of Paris were naturally
very much interested. and took no pains
to conceal their anguish at having to
part with their gold and silver coin.
The sab ecs was under discussion one
day in the salon of Madame de Stael.
A young German officer who was present
protested against the Allies being COM
PEELED to take the inferior metal IN pay
ment.
''Iou had better be satisfied" inter-
rupted Madame de Stael; eve paid the
first installment in gold, the second in
silver, and, if pressed too closely, we
might pay the third in iron."
Very well, Madame replied the
German officer, calmly; 'you can pay
the third instailment in iron, if you
choose, but if you try it we will give
you receipt in full in lead"
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24

hand Of the astonished workman, he
sprang into the boat and was rapidly
pulled ashore.-1he Epoch.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-10-24
PeneloDe's Words of Comfort.

"Fenelope, can't you say someInlnS
to soften the blow2" implored the young
man.
ooh, Philip, Philip! What can I say2
1t is all over between u.s."
THAT doesn't soften it any," re;oined
Philip; that's what you said before"
And the unhappy youth looked mourn
f"lly at o ten-dollar volume of poems he
lad presented her few months before,
and heaved a sigh so deep, so pro-
found, that it made his shoes kerceptibly
tighter.
"Penelope," he continued, "when n
young man builds all his hopes on the
promise of young woman and that
young woman deliberately goes back on
that promise, it knocks the props, as it
were, out from under his hopes, and
they come down, kerswash! You may
have perception sometime, Penelope, "
he added with increasing gloom, ,"of
the feelings of human being standing
by q wreck of this kind and looking at
the debris of his own happiness.
II couldn't help it, Philip" she re-
piled. 81 have become satisfied that we
were not made for each other. We
should not be happy together. We"--
''Is it because am mugwump9" he
demanded.
"No, Philip, it is not that, I think,
with proper nursing, you would recover
from that in time Neither have I any
oil. .cction to your personal appearance,
your position in society, your hab-
its"-
"My habits" he e;aculated. II hope
not. Penelope Witherspoon, never in
my life took drink of anything intox-
icating, never chewed tobacco, never
smoked cigar, never went to a circus,
and never was in a ballroom. don't
drink tea or co Tee, eat peatnuts, chew
gum. read novels, swear, gamble, lie,
use snuff. play checkers, sit up late at
night, go to theatres. eat between meals,
nor read Amelie Rives. I never kissed
a young woman in my life"--
Gas far as my experience goes, -" as
serted Penelope, retrospeetively, 81 can
certify that YOU have not. "Philip," she
added. with glow of tender womanly
sympathy on her face, ''you asked me
to say something to soften the blow. l
think I can foresee great future for you.
Your habits have fitted you for a shin
ing career"
In what capacity, may I ask2"
GAS a $50v-a-week freak IN dime
museum. Chicago 1ri5une.