Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1888-10-21
EDISON SURPASSED.
INVENTION OF AN AUTOMATIC SERVANT.


| WOOd-A Joy 10 Every Bachelor and
Panacea for ALI Domestic
Aspsriiss
| N.ro York Star.
A revolution has been started in New
Jersey which is liable to spread like croI
ofgreen apples In country village. While
hunting along the Palisades in the vicinity
Of Clos.er, where New Jersey leaks over
the State line into New York State, o re-
porter suddenly came upon . quaint cot
tage whose rear poItcullis looked out upon
the ever-onwsrd Hudson and q Yonkers
brewery. The writer, who wished drink
of water, entering the domain did the
Poe's raven &C. upon the door. The gen
tie tapping, tapping brought to the lattice
window Rip Van Winkleish specimen OF
map, who was attired in long beard and
scowl.
"Well," he ejaculatsd, interrogstivsly.
That's the idea, exactly" remarked
the writer ''1'd give thousand dollars
for well, and TO questions asked"
To make short story long the writer in
gratiatsd himself into the friendsh p IF the
cotiager, and not only obtained the desiIe
drink Of water, but some delicious currant
wine that made him love the old man, and
superinducsd desire to beard with him
for the rest Of the day.
The two became quite confidential, and
then it was ascertained that the old fellow
was genius in his way, and his way WAS a
broad wsy. He told the secret of his her
NIT life, and said that the only reason for
his sequestered life was desire to bsre6t
mankind.
81 am destined to be-" said he, conf
dentislly, greater man than Ellison; but
! I don't desire his glory or his emol I'M snt
I have invented innumerab!e machines
which will not only prove of inestimable
va,us to the world, but will be more prac'
ticable thaa his. Come with me.
The old fellow, who is man of educs-
ton and wit, notwithstanding his uncouth
appearance and surroundings, led the way
to barn in the rear Of the house, which
be called hi, Laboratory.
All sorts Of unique instruments and ma
chimes were scattered ahoat, and it looked
"a il blizz ard had struck boiler shop
and Gauss dismsy therein.
''This," said he, sis q patent servant
girl. You can see how it works. Now, l
wind it up! Watchr
The machine rssemb'ed a Coney Island
dummy. The head nokestsck) opened
its mouth and smiled. Then it bowed.
A hot nj he
hung in front. The othsr hand grabbed a
shovel and ths machine started toward the
cellar. In minute il returned, with the
nod filled with coal. Then it grssped q
broom, returned and swept the stairs. The
action WAS p,riecs, and there wasn't q
word out of it. ''S,e it light the fire"
said the old fellow, ss he pulled another
crank. The machina started for the wood
pile in the corner, filled its lander with
wood, roamed over TO the stove, filled it,
backed and filled, tuInsd its stern end to
tho stove, o torch slot out, ignited tie
ki1dlidgs, and soon there was jolly blaze
Then the machine filled the keith, placed
it upon the stove, and all was in readiness
for the coffee.
"As soon as parfect that arrangement
the thing will cook dinner worthy of
Delmonico's. II is worthy of considera,
ton in other respects. 1t won't talk back
it won't strike for higher wage, when the
parloc is iull of company: it won't wear
tho missus' dresses, and it has no cousins
Here il another machine. Stand up here
aud place your fo)t upon that foot ret.
Now, keep steady and say nothing" The
lNlI all nd
arms shot out Nearly as quickly as it
takes to tell it the writer was shave l, had
bis hair oonbed, his moustachs trimmed,
his shoes polished and his clothes brushed.
Then sign shot cus in front. 1t WIS to
this effect: drop quarter in the SLOT"
1t was simply miraculous, and the as
tonished writer imagined that / c was in
fsirS land. There was no chin about poll
ties, shampoo, bay run, sea foam or bad
ricSels, and the thought ives eDgsndeIei
that the visitor had dropped into heavenly
tonsorial parlor.
Another machine exhibited was the
Patent Wssherwomsn." 1t washed a
shirt, wrung il out, ironed and folded il
without bursting buttonhole or leaving q
triangular trade mark upon the b ,som, aud
without even q tear CT sospsuds on the
floor
Still ar o sher was the patent baby tender.
A baby WAS imp ovised ont of . pillow.
The hsb7 wss tossed to the machine. l.
caught It gently, tossed it upside do wn and
hunted for sprung trap in safety pin,
felt around behindHnd produce a vial Of
paregoric and spoon, gave the insgia nary
baby dose, and then walked about the
floor with it, shaking rattlebox the
while 1t was a grand improvement on
the midnight parade act, and will, no
6oubt, make fortune for the old |, low.
"Now, you 70 outside, tap upon the door
sud ask for piece of pie" said the old
fellow.
TIE writer did as directed.
The word "pie" hsd scarcely wendell its
rnellifl1ous way through the doorway
when there Was howl like unto that of q
million watchdog holding huskiug bee,
The writer individually started in Dex'
ferrous &c lter 20 wards a nearby appletree
He was suddenly lassoed from behind the
bsrn. An iron hand grabbed him. a saw
was placed in his hand and q current Of
electricity compelled him to say moth ing
bat say wood for one consecutive hour,
while the old fellow sat up on the wco1
pile aud cbucSlsd a cold, chilly lsugp.
There" said the Inventor, as the writer
became exhausted, now you can have
your pie or, better still, come in and have
some currant wine and chicken
The invitation was accepted, and then
the writer left and started for the station
filled with thoughts OF the greatness cfthe
msn on the hill, curraut wine and chicken
The Tomb of juliet.
"Those who still take an interest in the
true and tragic history of the Lovers of
yerons,'" says the Paris correspondent of
III. l.