davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31
1t PAYS to Smile.

"a good smiler, who can tell q
funny story once in while and has
the knack of antic pating the wants of
his patrons. is ALWAYS valuable man
in butchers shop, he takes with the
ladies. 1t doesn't make much differ
ence whether he's handsome or as
homely as a quarter of beet so long as
he's agreeable and accommodating.
Now, there my partner. He S per-
feet Apollo in face and form. but he s
got Il temper that nearly rs uncertain
as the settling of days of some of our
customers. but again he'll close up
tighter'n one of Nels Morris corn beef
can. The ladies' don't like him, and
they won't go near his block if they
can get show at m ne. Now, |
haven't the best temper in the world,
but since | went behind meat block
twelve years ago I've learned that it
pays to smile and be pleasant. You
can work in bigger piece of bone in
a steak or roast and you're surer that
your customer is coming back than if
you're out of sorts. The ladies insist
upon dealing with agreeable people,
and they won't have anything to do
with any other kind That is why a
good sniler is a valuable man in a
meat market
This bit of homcly philosophy came
from a successful west side butcher the
other night. and it proves that the
men who carve loins and chops are
thinking of something more than the
chunk OF bone they must chop out.
They are close students of human
nature, and thoyuse the result of their
studies for all they are worth -Cuica-
90 Herald.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31

described by Willard /. Devereaux Of
Clyde. N. T., at recent meeting of
the Western New York horticultural
Society. Mr.. Devercaux found the
cricket catcher made homo for It's
young in the hollow stalks Of wild
lettuce. and probably of other weeds.
1t pierces the cricket with its sting in
such way as TO paralyze the nerve
centress without destroying life. The
egg of the cricket catcher is deposited
in the live cricket, and 1t is then
carried to the hollow stalk. where sue
cessive cr!ckets are deposited for addi.'
tional food. From twelve to thirty
crickets are found in each larder.
usually about twenty. Probably one
thousand or more crickets arc annually
destroyed by each female Sphex. 1t is
worth while for fruit growers to grow
some hollow stemmed plants TO furnish
a harbor for this useful friend to breed
her young. Look carefully, even at
hollow weeds that have remained
through the Winter. before blowing
them under or burning them.-Aneri-
can CuItiUakor.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31
A Few Don Is.

Don't ask a woman over thirty how
old she is. Wat until she tells you and
then add eight.
Don feel sure because you find that
man doesn know how to play polk
er that he cannot beat you in a horse
trade.
Don't use alcohol if you want to pre-.
serve your life. 1t doesn't work SO
we'll on men Us it does in glass jars on
fishes.
Don't dospisc man because he is
poor. You can hire him good deal
cheaper than you could if he was well
to-dO.
Don't look Il gift.mule in the heels.
If you must know exactly how no is
shod behind, hire an experienced dar
kew to find out for you.
Dom KISS girl as the poet says he
did, 'mder the silent stars" Tip her
head back gently and kiss her about
half an inch under the tip of her little
snub nose.
Don't laugh when you SEQ woman
trying to drive horse. 1t NAV seem
funny to you. but think how the poor
horse must suffer.
Don't fail to say please excuse bad
writing" at the end OF your letter. 1t
shows your correspondent that you
have modest sense of your own de-
licences.
Don't try. if you are an ordinary
man, to occupy two seats in a crowded
horse car. Only women can do that
and look as innocent as lily of the
valley all the while.
Don't write love letters on a type
writer. Typewriter ink, they say. is
not always permanent, and you may
be deprived of tho pleasure of reading
over your youthful rhapsodios ten years
after you are married.
Don't think just because a girl per-
sistently says mo" to you that she has
made up her mind that she will never
marry. The chances are that there is
another fellow who comes to see her
Thursday nights, and who never heard
her say No" in all his blissful and
glad career. SomerUiHe Journut
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31
Genius.

Far out at seattle sun was high
While veercd the wind and tapped the sail
We saw a snow white butterfly
Dancing before the itful gale
Far out at sea.
The little wauderer who had lost
His way, Of danger nothing knew,
Settled awhile upon the mast,
Then futtered DER the waters blue
Far out at sea.
Above, there CLEANED the bourdless sky;
Beneath, .he bOundless ocean sheen;
Between them danced the butterfly,
The spirit life Of this vast scene,
Far out at sea.
The tiny soul that scared away,
Seeking the clouds on fragile wings
Lurcd by the brighter, purer ray
Which hopes ecstatic morning brings
Far out at sea.
AWAY he Sped wish shimmerlng glee,
Scarce seen, now lost, yet onward bornoi
Night comes with wind and rain, and he
No more will dance before the morn
Far out at sea.
He dies, unlike his mates, | ween,
Perhaps not sooner or worse crossed,
And he hath felt and known and seen
larger life and hope, though lost
Far ont at sea.
-Richdrd He"g@t Borms.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31
A WOull-be John l..

There Is young man. well-kuown
about town. who spends Il great deal
of his time in the vicinity of the Con.
tinental Hotel bar-room. He was ed +.
ucated for something bstter than a
pugilist but his Hottest ambition is to
emulate John L. Sullivan. A week ago
some of his friends arranged a fight
for him with II third-rate boxer. The
would-be pugilist received au unmer.
ciful drubbing but his fl ends consoled
him by declaring that he had won
the fight. Since then he has been be-
sieged with letters bearing challenge
to fight others from men who want
lessons in the manly art. The climax
was capped and the young mans cup
! Of joy was filled when he received a
letter last week signed Richard X.
Fox" and requesting him to send his
photograph for reproduction in the
pugllists' pink weekly. OF course all
the letters were sent by trends of the
young man. but he is not aware of the
imposition ami is anx ously awaiting
the appearances of his likeness -NeW-
ark Ssnday CALI
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31

The following receipt shows the prompt.
ness Of the Bankers Life Association in
payment Of its first death in Des Moines.
on certificate of membership No. IL,
issued on the 18th day of November,
1879, to the late Geo. ii. Maisb, one of
the incorporates Of the Association. The
payment is S2.044 and il cost Mr.. Maish
all told. including guarantee and member.
ship fee. S146l4. thereby saving pure
insurance TO the amount Of 81, 897. SO.
This result is obtained at net average
cost TO each member of the Association
OF the small sum of twenty five cents each:
Received of the Bankers Life Association OF
Des Moines, Iowa, two thousand dollars bene-
fit fund and forty -four dolaIs guarantee fund,
In full payment of the amount due the bcnefi-
ciary under the within certificate of member
ship No. IS, issued to George II. Maish, late
of Dcs Moines, Iowa. now deceased, proGf OF
death having been filed with said Association
on the 18th day of May, 1888
(Signed,) CHARLOTTE +. MASH.
Widow and Beneficiary.
Dated at Des Moines, Iowa, this 18th day OF
May, 1885,
Witness: Theo. +. Crete, Ed. W. Oviatt.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31
Literature Makes the Man.

Yet the very points that have made
the Light Brigade famous are the loss
and the readiness tile sending of IL
cavalry command to ride INTO the
jaws of death" to ride to certain and
inev table slaughter. and the soldierly
readiness to 90 where they were sent.
Our men over and over did the same
thing; did IT. as the losses prove, in
cases where the danger was greater,
and the ready cou rage equal; yet the
trumpet of fame is filled with
the name of the Light Brigade. and our
heroes are forgotten. This is the JUS
tice of glory, but n common incident
enough. An ancient once observed
that other men had fought as we'll as
Achilles, and wondered why the world
alwa,s talked about him; aud the
answer was that the other men had no
Homer Our reg ments were in fact
rather worse off than TO be merely
without Tennyson For the compo-
nent parts of the glorv of the L. ght
Brigade are Il little fighting and Il good
deal Of literature. The soldiers did
the part there and here tho literary
men did the rest for the i ght Brigade.
Our men fought for nation that is
practically Indifferent to Literature.
England is literary as well as a mill
tary nation. -Neo HOr& EEpress
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31
TRIALS OF A TWIN.
In form and feature, face and limb,

In form and feature, face and limb,
grew SO like my brother,
That folks got taking me for him, u
Aud each one for another.
II puzzed all our kith and kin c.
1t reached fearful pitch;
For one of us was born twin,
And not soul knew which.
One day, to make the matter worse,
Before our names were fixed,
As we were being washed by nurse,
We got completely mixed,
And thus, you see, by fale's decree,
Or, rather, nurses whim,
My brother John got christened me,
And ! got christened him.
This fatal likeness even logged
My footsteps when at school,
And | was always getting fogged,
When John turned out TOOL.
put this question fruitlessly
To every one | knew:
"What would YOU do, If you were me,
To prove that you were YOU"
Our close resemblance turned the tide
or our domestic life;
For somehow, my intended bride
Became my brothers wife.
In fact, year after year the same
Absurd mistakes went on,
And when died the neighUors, came
And buried brother John.
Chicago NerS.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31
Special Land Excursions.

On March Goth, April Sd and cath, May
Sth and 22d, and June 9Th, 1888. the
Burlington Route" c., b. & Q. r. r.
will run Special Land Excursions from
Chicago. Peoria, st. Louis Gad all stations
on its line to points in Nebraska Kansas,
Minnesota and Dakota, and to points in
Colorado east of and including Akron and
Sterling on the B. & NJ r. r. and Sterl-
ing on the U. p. Ry. at greatly reduced
rates. This will afford home seekers,
land buyers and others an excellent op-
portunity for the inspection of the fertile
country of central, north western and
southwestern Nebraska and northwestern
Kansas, reached by the new extension OF
the Burlington & Missouri River r. r. in
Nebraska. Also, to visit the rich agri
cultural districts of Dakota and Mime
sofa reached by the Burlington Route. A
great reduction in rates will also be made
to Texas, New Mexico Tennessee, Miss
issippi, Alabama Louisiana and Arkansas
points on March Goth. April Sd and cath,
May Sth and 22d, and June 5th, 1883.
Tickets good for 80 days TO Nebraska
Kansas, Colorado, Minnesota and Dakota
points; and to all other States mentioned,
60 days Liberal stop-over privileges will
be accorded passengers beyond terminal
points of this line. For tickets, general
or further information regarding the
above. apply to any ticket agent of its
own or connecting lines or address. Paul
Morton, General Passenger and Ticket
Agent, c. B. & Q. r. r., Chicago, Illinois.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31
Will Call Again.

whats tobacco worth to-day?'
asked a well-drcssed stranger. as he
entered the office of wholesale dealer
yesterday.
What brands?'
The stranger named over three or
four, and the dealer gave him the
prices.
Il shall pay cash." said the slrang-
er.
Il am giving you bottom figures.
sir"
But suppose | double the order?"
lit would be the same.
"Well. let's see" continued the man
as he helped himself to Il liberal che W
from one OF the jars. al guess those
figures are pretty fair. I've got to run
uptown, and on my way back I'll leave
you an ORDER
Very well SIR"
"You didn't seem very enthusiastic
over h ! CUSTOM" observed reporter
who heard aud saw all.
He 5 II. g.
"HowP'
why, he was out of tobacco. had
no change with him and dropped in
here simply 10 get a chew"
do you know himP'
No. but | seized him up 10 min
ute We have that trick played on Us
every day."
"And don't YOU kick?'
oh, no. It's a II fling loss. and II
you expose one OF these frauds he'd be
your b1tterest enemy. Better g We
'em .chaw' and let EN- 90 or feel.
ing how smart they are. "-Detr0u
Free Press
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31

Some one has told you that your catarrh is
ncurable. II is not so. Dr. Sage's Catarrh
Remedy will cure it. 1t is pleasant to use and
ii always does its work thoroughly. We have
yet to hear Of a case in which it did not &C
complish a cure when faithfully used. Catarrh
Is disease which it is dangerous to neglect.
A certain remedy is at your command. Avail
yourself OF it before the complaint assumes a
more serious form All druggists
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31

This is question asked every day. About
three years ago 1t was discovered in a common
swamp reed, looking like sugar cane. 1t is
found mainly near the equator and in Central
America. The plant grows from four to fifteen
feet high. The juice Is nearly tasteless. and
taken in large quantities causes a sensation as
OF light electric currents which after two
hours gives place to solid, vigorous, endur-
ing feeling, that lasts the same as a good meal
OH faint, hungry stomach.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31
Hoods SarsaparilIa
Makes the Weak Strong
3. e. 3.

should you or any OF your friends be afflicted
with any stage Of syphilis. Sciofula ScrOfulUus
swellngs. rheumatism, old Ulcers and Sores,
Tumors. Skin Diseases, Kidney Troubles. Ecze
ma. CatarTh Chronic Female Complaints, Her-
curiAl Poison, letter. ScaldheHd, broken down
constitutions, or any other d SEA causet by
impure blood, B, B. B.-BoTAATc BLOOD BALM
will cure you after every other known remedy.
has failed. D. D. B. is the only quick and per
manent Blood purifier on earth, One bottle
will test IL in any case. Send to us for wonder
full Ss'psge book, tree, which tells you all about
Blood Disease and its cure. 1t will cure in one.
third the tins OF any other preparation. Do
not be deceived. Call on your druggist, and IL
he cannot furnish you. send direct to us, and we
will express to any point on receipt of price,
Remember It does not contain mineral or
vegetable poison. Should be used by every one
In the spring OF the year and is as go cd in sum
mer fall and winter tonic and blood purifier.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31

Who called twice fortnight, or so,
Now she sits. Sunday eve,
All lonely to grieve,
Oh, where Is her recIeant beau,
And why did he leave Laura so?
Why, he saw that Laura was ianguIshing
delicate girl, subject to sick headaches sensi-
tive nerves aud uncertain tempers; and know
ing what u lifelong trial is a fretful, sickly
wife, he transferred his attentions to her
cheerful, healthy cousin Ellen. The secret Is
that Lauras health and strength are sapped
by chronic weakness. peculiar to her sex.
which Ellen averts and avoids by the use OF
DR.. Pierce's Favorte Prescription. This is
the only remedy, for woman's peculiar weak
nesses and ailments sold by druggists, under
positive guarantee from the manufacturers,
that it would give satisfaction in every case,
or money Will be refunded. See guarantee on
bottle WRAPPER
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31
Messages from spirit land are written nc
rapping paper.
Where Runs the "NOnon" Swift


Where Runs the "NIonon" Swiftly
Southwark.
From Lake Michigan South it starteth,
From Chicago, Illinois,
Mtehigan CITY too 1t touCheth;
Thence through towns OF mill, and noise
Enroute through IndidmdDoliS,
Mighty city yet to be.
Onward then to Ci3tcin,,aG,
Offering two routes to the sea;
Perhaps from .H0non, where 1t brancheth,
Thou wOuldst visit La Fnyete,
Then see We also LoniSrNe,
Whose fame resoundeth yet;
Here again the -HOMO4, offers
Choice OF Pullman Palace routes
To the 6mlt Coast, and to Florida.
Thus the travelling world it suits.
(Send to f. o. Mccormick, General Passen-
ger Agent, Chicago, for guide. --73 Clark st.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31
"a 50 Washin. Machine Free..

To introduce them we will give away 1000
selfoperating machines. No washboard or
rubbing required. lfyOu want one send your
name at once to The Domestic Co., AIS and 400
Wabash Ave, Chicago. ILL.,
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31
Three Bottles Cure Catarrh,

ELI ROBBINS, Runpnn p. o.. Columbia Co.,
"a, says; My daughter had catarrh when
Sage,s Catarrh Remedy advertised, and pro-
cured a bottle for her, and soon saw that IL
helped her third bottle effected perma-
nent cure She Is now eighteen years Old and
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31
Mrs. Anastasie Parsells of Pamrapo, N. j.,
has celebrated her one hundred and second


Many People refuse 10 take Cod
Liver oil on account Of Its unpleasant taste.
This dficulty has been overcome In SCOTS
Emulsion OF Cod Liver OIL with Hypophos-
phites. 1t being as palatable as milk, and the
most valuable remedy known for the treat
ment of Consumption, Scr0fula and Bronchitis,
General Debility, Wasting Diseases Of Children,
Chronic Coughs and Colds, has caused physi-
clans in all parts of the world to use 1t. Ply
slcians report our little patients take it with
pleasure. Try Scott's Emulsion and be con-
Winged
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31

Mary Henry was married in the blue
silk dress, in spite of the popular pre-
judice in favor of white. Hartford
liked the blue silk best. and Hartford
was Grand Sultan of her little heart.
And Charlie Vail lives with them. for
Hartford says:
1T was through Charles grlcfs and
troubles that first learned how near
an eIeel my Mary was"
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31

Chicago is trying to ''hedge" by publishing
the statement Of ChiropOdIst. to the effect
that she is convinced that protracted resi-
dence in that city changes the shape of the
foot from the rentamcr into the oval or beau
tful.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31

II doesn't bother lawyers to see breakers
ahead-that is If they are law breakers.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31
"ConssantIy Hawking and Splitting !,

THOMAS J. RUSHING, ESQ.,, 1909 Pine STREET.
81. Louts, Mo. writes; 81 was great sufferer
from catarrh Tor three years. At times could
hardly breathe and was constantly haw king
and splitting, and for the last eight month";
could not breathe through the nostriis. /
thought nothing could be done for me. Luck
Remedy, and am now a well man. / believe
II TO be the only sure remedy for catarrh now
manufactured, and one has only to give IL Q
q permanent cure"
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31
BLOOD BALM CO., Props. Atlanta, Ga.
UNCOVERED <: s.: !! Pm ss! sss: II: s:::

VIII numbers
ures cards. eataiosues books, sample works OF zt1
msssTines papers general SAMPLES etc. usCOvKRSG
you great broad hCld Of employment and agency
business Those whose In this Directory Omen receive
that which purchased would cash Thousands
OF men and make Of in the agency
business Tens OF millions dollars worth Of good, yearly
sold through agents This Directory sought and ued BY
leading publshSrs bookso novelty Dealers
Of the United and Europe II regarded
as tbs standard Directory the world and relied
hsrrs awaits al whose names appear In it, Tboss Whose
names in II will all the making
things that come cut while literature will Cow them
steady stream The bargain, Of the most able hns will
Be put before ALL make their localities
Agent, make money travelling all around Some agents make
over ten thousand dollars All depends what tho
has to sell Few there who all about the
those who employ those who have this
make big easily those whose Dirsc-
tory get this information FREE and complete This Directory
IL used by all tTstcsss firms, all world, employ
agents Over 90 such firms Your
tory will bring you in formation and
sands will through II be led profitable work
Reader the best small make
seII and address printed In this directory. Address
AAERICAN DIRECTORY,
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31
A Flat Contradiction.

Miss Rose Elizabeth Cleveland will remain
q Washingt on until the end of June.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31

| ere! l say. Mary, this is better luck'n
we used to have when mother was
alive and we hung our stockin's up in
the chimney-co corner. Who do you sup
pose could ha' sent emp We haven't
no rich relations"
Mary shook her fair head and
didn't know"
Mr.. Hartford.Alden made long Wis
it to Major Tracy's-in fact, it was
March before he got ready to return.
He was a constant victor at the Hen
rvs farm, and, the night before his fin
al departure, he came down to the
Henry farmhouse to say goodbye.
81 tell ye what" said Jonathan.
sagely, as he sat in the chimney-cor-
ner. after long interval of meditation,
MARY, as sure as you live, Mr.. Aid
en- sent them things o Christmas
mornin'n'
Mary turned scarlet; SO did Hart
ford
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31
why Laura Lost Her Beau.

The WOmans Educational and Industrial
Union Of Buffalo, has over a thousand mem
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31

4 green horn-the mint julep. Bostos
SsAstl~
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31

The moon was full last night, not to men
ton several other editors from out of town.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31
"Untold Agony from Catarrb, >,

Prof. W. HAUsNER, the famous mesmerist.
Of Ithaca, N. T., writes: "Some ten years ago
j suffered untold agony from chronic nasal
catarrh; My family physician gave me up as
incurable, and said must die. Ny case was
such a bad one, that every day, towards sun
set, my voice would become so hoarse could
barely speak above a whisper. In the morning
my coughing and clearing of my throat would
almost strangle me. BY the use of DIR. Sage's
Catarrh Remedy, in three months. was well
man, and the cure has been permanent"
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31

u
ofthe Michigan Central Railroad Company at Augu sta
Mich about seven years ago, my kidneys became dis
eased and have been a great sufferer since.
Have consulted the leading physicians OF this city and
Ann Arbor, and all pronounced my Brights
october last began taking. Hibbards Rheuma tic
syrup and to day well man. II affords pleasure
to render suffering humanity good that can and
In speaking OF the remedy allow say that think
it the greatest medicine In the world.
Il l II N u u
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1888-05-31
Hibbard's Rheumatic Syrup

NY uauknloi Nauu ueeu rheumatic
Syrup and Plasters, which you strongly recon.
mended her TO try for inhsmmatory rheumatism.
Her limbs were badly swollen, and the girl
tel rbe agony In the midst Of the pain wound the
Plasters about her limbs and result the swelling
was reduced and she became quiet and rested. The
syrup corrected her indignation cleanse the rheu.
matte poison from her blood and she is able
sround the Thouse. Tibbard's Rheumatic Syrup and
Flasters remedies Of great merit.
REV. j. RoBRRTs