Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1888-05-16
WIT AND IET,MOR.

Judging from effects. the kind of oil
most extensively used for pouring on
troubled waters is turmoil.-NeW York
Sun.
1t seems absurd to speak of II blind
mans favoritc color, and yet every
body has heard of blind mans buff
It'd Bits.
Miss Parloa gives a recipe for max
ing ''kisses." Another good way is to
get up game of Copenhagen.-Nor-
rist0Da Herald.
A Baltimore paper is talking about
the ''credit due to women" Up this
way they always want the cash. -Phila-
delphto Inquirer.
The reason that the old beau's hair
is of that greenish black hue is that
he is willing to dye for the woman he
loves Merchant JraUelcr.
A man may have an abiding faith in
the honesty and virtue of his fellow
man, but he doesn't show it when he
PLAYS poker Philadelphia Call
Waiter-Will yo' hab yo' beef la
mode, sab? Uncle Outskirts Course
l want it all moved. Tank I'm goin'
ter eat it fore it's cutp-Iid-Bits.
Possibly you never stopped to think
of it, but the two-headed woman must
be either happy or miserable every
Easter Sunday.-JoWrnatof Education.
He has been cremated. Fair fem
mime frend-What have you in that
urn on the mantle, Jane-ashes of
roses? Widow-No, ashes of john
Judge.
Briggs is hurrying home, having
been notified of the arrival of twins:
Newsboy-Extra san, Mister? Briggs
(bitterly)-Yes, just my luck.-1e1as
SJtings.
Bjones-That fellow Gagley tried to
borrow $500 of me this morning.
Smythe- $500P-He must be cracked!
Bjones-No, he's not cracked. He's
broke. Life.
1t has been discovered that kisses
love kisses we mean-are full of cleo
tricity. Now We know why old maids
have always described them as shock
ing-BOSt0n Courier.
The boom for a new born town is
like the music of locust wings. One
looks at the little thing and wonders
where all the big noise comes FROM
Nea0 Orleans Plcayurae.
Egg dealers are forming a combina-
ton. A pleasant egg com bine is made
by combining an egg, a glass of milk,
a spoonful of sugar, and dash of
wine. Boston Transcript
A small youth, residing at the Hub,
while in search of knowledge a few
days since, asked his mother: 'sMa,
when I grow up, will the calves of my
legs become cows?'-LJe.
Johnny PA, what is female
crank?" Father-''Go ask your moth
er, my son." Gather is busy explain
ing the next moment that he meant
no reflections -1eras Sytamgs.
There is new pamphlet out, en-
titled 1.-The National Bank Act" The
National Bank act of the present day
consists largely of skipping off to En-
lsh territory with all the funds
Life.
Governor = You've been running
ahead of your allowance, Jack. Jack
i know it, dad. I've been hoping
1OI IOl9 GlIlO UlidG Guo dllOWduC0
would strengthen up enough to over
take me.-IEd- BITS.
The New York Sw1 has published a
list of young Men Who Were Great"
Should it ever publish a list of young
men who think they are great the pa
per manufacturers will have boom.
Lincoln Journal.
Countryman Cat dessert) What dye
cali this stuff, waiter? Waiter-Blanc
mango, sir. Countryman-I should
say it was blank mango; it's blankety
blank mango. Take away your mango
and gimme pie.-Lye.
Queen Victoria was born on a Fri
day, and the Prince of Wales, who is
somewhat short-sighted, thinks Friday
an unlucky day for him. He thinks
if his mother hadn't been born he
would be King.-Lafe.
Mrs. Hendricks (the landlady)-Is
your seat comfortable, Mr.. Dumley,
or are you too near the firep Dumley
No, | am not too near the fire, Mrs.
Hendricks, but / think | am-er-a
trife too near the butter.-DraEe'
Magazine.
Smith Gan old-school medical stu
dent and new boarder. to the mis-
tress of the house, Mrs. Jones, you
are a believer in homeopathy, are you
notp" Mrs. Jones-"O, no, sir. What
made you think SOP" Smith--'Your
coffee. "-Judge.