The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-01-21
Written for The Arkonsdw Trdueter. WHAT MAN KNOWS ABOUT
 WOMAN'S BEAUTY.
BY CALVIN.

to the charm Of pretty face, espe- cially if associated with gay, friendly manner. 1 do not mean to islander this worthy gentleman, nor to insinuate he is as prone to be so smit- ten with such charms of face and wiles of the tongue as to do aught that is unbecoming 10 a gentleman who has long responded to the call of "papa," i" and who, moreover, has enjoyed the privilege of such moral discipline as is inevitable from long association with the estimable Mrs. Tenderheart.
 No, upon my honor, exonerate Mr. T. from any evil intention, and here declare that he has always maintained his responsibility, thinks to Mrs. Ts rigid training, but he has one habit Unfortunate for himself of coming home from his rambles about town and in careless moment sailing out on the sea of fancy regarding some fair creature he has seen.
 The other evening he began in this wise: "I met very pretty woman to- day, bright and attractive in all her ways, really charming" A second of ominous silence pervades the room, and, meanwhile, Mrs. T's somewhat severe cast of countenance grows se- verer, as she says: "What style of face has she?"
 Mir. T. begins a wild search in his mind for suitable expression to de- scribe the charms of his fair one.
 "Well, l don't know just what style of face you would call it: it had noth- ing very striking about it, only the general effect was pleasing"
 Not satisfied with this vague de- scription, Mrs. T. proceeds with the inquisition: "I think if 1 met a woman that made such an impression on me that came home to rhapsodize about her. I would be able to tell whether she has long face, short face, a square face, tull-moon face, or dish face"
 Mr. T. is considerably nettled by this time and tries the manpuvre of a flank movement: "I wasn't aware l rhapsodized about her; that is the way you exaggerate everything"
 That is not the question:" calmly observes the judicial Mrs. T. ''I want to know the style of her face"
 "Well, 1 can't tell, so what are you going to do about it? l did not study it's geometricai proportions; 1 guess 1t was about as long as most faces, and perhaps it was more square than round, or little more round than square. didn't measure it," sputters the heated gentleman.
 "That is evident" coolly responds his better three-quarters. "Perhaps you can tell what her nose is like"
 "NO, 1 can't. l never notice noses much. l guess it is about like other noses."
 "About like other noses! Do you think there is only one pattern of noses? Perhaps you will be more suc- cesstul in describing her mouth."
 ''The most l can tell about her mouth is that she kept it shut most of the time," boldly thundered MT. T.. in fit of despair.
 At this Mrs. ITS mild orbs flash, but her tone is icy as glacier as she puts her net question: "What are her eyes like?"
 "Oh, brown, or black, or blue, or gray, or green; call them what you please, don't care."
 "And what color did you say her hair is?"
 MT. T. breathes a sigh of relief at this seemingly easy conundrum, for he thinks it very simple matter to give word picture of his charming woman's hair, so brightens visibly and with much assurance, says: "Oh, brown, but not so nearly black as mine."
 AS Mir. ITS hair, to all intents and purposes is black, his description inn presses his wife as inaccurate.
 "Brown, but not so nearly black as mine! Do you know what you are saying? Why, that might mean any one of half dozen shades ;-coach- mans brown, tan brown, or seal brown, for instance. I think you would earn fine salary as society reporter or"
 The conclusion of this whitening sarcasm was lost as MT. T. made his exit, pitiful picture of humiliation and confusion, closing the door with emphasis as he descended to the cellar to soothe his wounded feelings in the manly pastime of sitting the furnace ashes, meditating the while upon that rare faculty of women that enables them to glance at one of their sex and forthwith picture in detail all her fea- lures, charms of form and dress.