The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1888-02-18
Mr.. AND MRS. BoWSER.
BY MRS. BowsER.

| EVL soLHo WecAS past udfc uocu
nervous about burglars. but every time
have suggested that we ought to have
burglar alarm he has replied:
'.Bosh! Burglars know what houses
10 enter"
"But we have something to steal"
Certainly we have; but no burglar
Is going to enter house when he
knows that the owner stands ready to
shoot the top of his head off Don't
you worry about burglars. They all
know me. and know enough to keep
away from mes
A week ago the house next to us was
entered and despoiled. and next day
begged Mr.. Bowser for Heavens 8
sake to get an alarm connected with
our doors and windows.
ITO scare burglars awayr' he ex-
claimed. in the key of G. Not much!
Let 'em come in. want 'em inside"
"And you--You would capture
lhem?"
Never a. capture! The burglar who
gets into my house dies there! The
coroner may come and sit on that body,
but it will be lump of lifeless clay"
"And you won't get an alarm?"
mo. ma'am. FL bring home q
shotgun and base ball bat but just to
comfort you. Nature has given me all
the weapons I want against burglars"
Then Mr.. Bowser crossed his hands
nnder his coat-tails and walked up and
down in such self-satisfied way that
took courage. Next day he brought
home the gun and the club. and as he
deposited them at the head of the bed
lie explained:
"It's simply to give you more conf
ience; understand For my part I'd
give $500 to find burglar in my
house."
That night, soon after midnight. l
heard something fall in the house. and
I nudged Mr. Bowser into wakefulness
and told him of it.
"It's that internal old cat r. he
growled in reply. you've got bur-
glars on the brain, and I hope one will
comet"
Ten minutes passed and was sure I
heard some one creeping upstairs. /
nudged Mr.. Bowser again and told him
80, but he replied:
"Mrs. Bowser. if you wake me up
again I'll 90 down town to sleep the
remainder of the night! You can be a
lunatic on shorter notice than anybody
I ever heard of! Now, 60 to sleep
and -n'
The reason he stopped there was be-
cause dark-lantern was flashed in our
faces and stern voice exclaimed:
IF either one of you make a move
to get up I'll blow your brains out!"
The burglar had come. The victim,
whose blood Mr.. Bowser was hunger
ing for. stood over us. The m dnight
marauder, on whose lifeless clay the
Coroner was to sit was ready to be
"sot" on. I confess 1 was badly fright
ened, but did not lose my senses. l
knew he was there to rob, and that he
had all the advantage. and did not
move a finger.
Come. old chap" continued tho
burglar after moment, Il want your
services Get out of thatm
take all we have, but spare our
lives" pleaded Mr.. Bowser.
That's what I'm going to do. old
duffer! Climb out o that and hunt me
up your wealth.
With that he lighted the gas. sat
down on the edge of the bed, and Mr..
Bowser brought him both our watches.
and the 5000 hidden in the dresser. ]
never saw Mr.. Bowser so oblging and
thoughtful. He even rummaged the
dresser to find my last rhinestone pin.
and he said Eyes, sir,' and mo, sir. F"
to that burglar with the greatest res
pect. When everything of value up
stairs had been collected. the man said:
'.Now, old double-shins, wrap that
swag in a towel and bring it down
stairs for me!''
"You won't kill him!" I grasped.
mo. marin; 1 haven't the time to
spare for that. What's that gun and
club for?"
ITO defend ourselves from burglars.
I wish 1 knew how to shoot"
Exactly. ma am; and l admire your
spunk. Here's your watch and jewelrJ
back. and hope you'll pardon this in
trusion. Sorry you've got such an old
funk for a husband, but divorces cost
money. Come along. old shingles!'
Mr.. Bowser meekiy followed hin
down stairs, got out all our choice sill
YER from the safe, found him basket
to carry off his plumber, and was ther
driven up stairs while the burglar made
of. Mr.. Bowser got into bed without
word, and sat up and listened until
I heard the rascal 60. Then said:
swell, Mr.. Bowser. your wanted
burglars. We've had real. live one,
and the house is cleaned out"
'And who's to blame for itp Mrs
Bowser, didn't believe you would ever
dare speak to me again"
/ "Who's to blamcP Am Ip''
"Who else can bep Here for forty
successive nights you've kicked me
awake from two ten times to whisper
.Burglarsr into my ear! You got me
off my guard.
'But told you heard burglar in
the house."
but l knew better! It was your
business to have been awake sooner
and to have given me a chance to gel
the gun. All! if / could. have got thai
gun!'
'.But you never even protested.
| protested! Protested! Do yor
think man of my standing is going tt
handy words with burglar? My &C
ton was taken with a view to save