New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-12-16


Eyed Man.
He didn't take up with my plan nohow."
"what his objectionsl'
"Zack lowed didn't go fur enough-sad was teo
conservertive,' explained the Thin-Faced Man.
lacks dce was to have the law amended that
man that stole a bottle could be hung. He favored
dyncrmite, too. / said them things all right but
/ willln TO begin with rippn' up the carpets and
goin' through the cellars, but lack wouldn't cotton
to the plan nohow. reckon done bout right when
we 'leccd lack to the Legislator. Mebby them Phia
delphla lawyers won't hear nothing drop when ola
lack Ferdenbaugh stands UP in the Leglsiater room
with his boots on :"
THE STORY OF THE MAN WITH A SCHEME
While worrying along the other side u
Big Mountain and had a seat TO myself a
ing his hair rather long and sat down beside me.
thought he looked somewhat like professor Of
astronomy In small college, though he also rcsemblei
Of these who write letters TO tho newspapers
and sign them vox POpulI.7 We got into
ton various topics of the day and he seemed b.
very intelligent sort of a made that he
didn't have any handouts anything of that kind
before went very Ear. but finding him all right
that point we soon became very friendly. Pretty soon
he sad he had little scheme he wanted TO explain
me, and told him to go ahead. lie started OFT By
telling how the deeper you got into the earth the
warmer It becamc-which looked reasonable. He said
certain number Of feet descent gave you degree
Of heat every time There mines at the bottom OF
which the temperature was considerably above
hundred, and certain number Of feet deeper would
be 10 give degree Of heat far above the boiling
potn-I can't give any OF his figures. but he had all
at his tongues end. HIS plan was to drill eight
ten inch hole till he got down where everything
was red'hot. Then he was going 70 utilize 1t In
hundred different ways. He waited to sink the first
one in New York-say about Union SQUARE When tho
hole was finished he would have lightning elevator
constructed for raising and lowering things For in
stance, he wond have thin metal cylinder
SIX or seven inches in diameter AMI
say fifty feet long Charging this cylinder
with potatoes IT would be whisked to the bottom of
rhe hole in forty seconds. Allowed to remain
minute-heat great potatoes thoroughly cooked.
Whisked back in another forty seconds. Total time.
two minutes and twenty seconds: not above
two cents. The cooked potatoes would then be
distributed to the hotels restaurants and
private families by rheumatic tubes The appeared
to be little weak here, and the cylinder loaded
and again lowered.
He would not confne his attention to potatoes.
Of course, but cook everything. He would
agree to cook five hundred pounds of meat
inside Of three minutes. Bread would take five min
utes, and would be in one long loaf, six inches in
diameter and fifty feet long It would be sold by
the foot, and clipped Oft at any length like a
buying rope and looking like lengths Of stoveppe only
not black. He would have inch pipe going
other, with constant stream OF cold soup going
down, and constant a stream OF the soup.
boiling hot coming up. Another pipe would supply
coffee, another tee, another Rot WATER which could
be used in cooking eggs, the heat in the hole
would be too great for them. Pie and cakes would
be done to uirn. Nights, and other times whom
business was slack could be given up TO crackers.
canned goods, ere. Christmas turkeys could DO
killed. dressed cooked ahd shot ou'O the table all
inside of ten minutes. Give him two hclcs and hc
would agree to 90 all the cooking in NewYork City
ard at fully hundred and fifty per cent cheaper
than at present He would also have pipes con-
santly taking down water and bringing up steam at
three hundred pounds PRESSURE which could be piped
TO all the engines in town. besides heating Tho entire
city. The elevated locomotives could take a supply
they went past, and do away with tho use OF coal
entirely Tho steamers could also be supplied
II they would provide themselves with
sufficiently large reservoirs. lie thought tho
heat would probably the trees
in Union Square to remain green all winter, and
might, very likely, materially modify the climate
of Manhattan Island, and perhaps do away with
overcoats. l became very much interested In the
scheme. knew 1t would be good thing II success
full, and ! could not see why t was not altogether
feasible. I remarked that II strange that nobody
had thought of 1t before and my friend replied that
it took Man evolve such things.
He dagrammng II out for mo and
holding lot of papers and pencils for him. and
getting more interested every minute when another
came along and tapped him on the arm and told
him it time TO change cars. Ny friend gathered
up his papers rather reluctantly. and. after had
taken his address to correspond with him further
on the subject, he to his own seat and
began looking for his overshoes l remarked TO tho
that his companion seemed to be on the track
of a great discovery. and he said yes. said probably
some of the details weren't altogether worked ont
yet but had doubt that he would perfect IL
10 wi m n
have plenty OF time 10 work on IL where he was TAX
ing him. / thought a moment and concluded per-
haps something wrong and asked him IL he
taking him to an insane asylum The stranger said
he
THE MODEST MAN.
At Lynnburg a grizzly looking got aboard and
took seat directly in front Of Before the train
got fairly started he turned around and asked IL
| ever did any rafting. / told him that had ridden
on Mississippi River RATS. but had never followed
the business as profession.
"Im natra raftsman,- said the grizzly man.
give RATED ev'ry river In this country. done
my best work, though right up here the susquer-
hammer There is where shone like dollar
used 10 let em all start before me. then would
pull out. l wouldn't 80 mile with my fleet before
would begin TO find them stuck on tho bars. I'd
throw em a rope, pull 'em of and go I'D do this
for somebody on ev'ry bar-and | alays took the
biggest and deepest feet, too Then would get
down, deliver my logs. and 20 back and get another
feet That trip I'd have 10 pull 'em all of again
same's before I'd make trips to their one.
The man was working for said he never seed any.
thing like II. No man knowed that Susouerhanner
River like me. No man could run II like me- All
the bosses l worked for said They ulster call
me old Pizen Jones. King OF the susquerhanner
People miles to But had TO give up
the business"
why was thatl,
Il was too modest. / didn't blow bout myself
enough. ! ddn'; round tootn' my own horn.
and the consequence that | couldn't 81; no Job
more'n half the time. Other without a quarter
OF my ability blowed bout what they could do and
got the Jobs. IL was merit asn gall, and gall got
there and merit got snagged on a bar l remember
my teacher when went To school ulster repeat some
poetry writ by man that lived up at Port Byron
that nrettY tells Il .Maldens like moths,