St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-11-10
A TRAMP BRIDEGROOM.

The regular corps of compositors was
sufficient to do all the necessary work,
but the boys were lazy and wanted to
go fishing, SO the tramp was given
temporary employment. When the
boys returned next day they were sur
prised and not little ashamed to see
that the tramp had ''set up'' the entire
paper-work which would have taken
the entire force several days to perform.
When the proof sheets were brought in
they were found to be SO clean that the
editor of the Patriot sent for the tramp.
sWhat is your uame?" the editor
asked.
oscar Howell"
"Where are You frOm?o
Mr.. Howell waved his hand around
in complete circle.
What does that mean?"
means that am from everywhere"
do you want to work."
That's the reason came here"
Il mean regular work.
Eyes; but don't want to throw any,
body out of a job"
Glad you are so honorable. but those
boys out there are my sons. and l am
thinking of sending them to school,"
''All right then; I'll take their place"
''Do you drink?"
II wound up the ball of an extended
spree the other day, but am not going
to drink any more"
''lhOpe your resolution may hold out"
II will give it many a half-soling."
well. you may begin regular work
tomorrow morning."
''All right. SIR
Within two months from that time
Mr.. Howell was one of the best dressed
men in the town. People who had
commented on his shabby appearance
now called him handsome. He Joined
the Good Templars' lodge, and mingled
in the society OF the tittering maidens
OF the village. Doctors and lawyers
sought his company. He had brought
a literary freshness to the town. His
Jokes were new, his courtesy marked.
One year passed away. He was engaged
to marry the handSomest and most in
tteelligent young woman in the town.
The girls father and mother were de-
lighted. Howell was envied by all the
young men. The day for the wedding
drew near. The popular and enter
prising tailor had made HoWell'S we'd
ding suit.
One day another tramp entered the
office. Howell dropped his makeup
rule" and sprang forward to meet him.
why, Shorty, how are YOU"
''Sorter Slow" the tramp replied, as
he placed his elbows on the imposing
stone. ''How is 1t with your
'Oh, am flying. Going to get mar
ried tomorrow night"
'Glad to hear it. When we separated
that day with carefully divided quart
didn't think your lines would so soon
fall in such appreciative places.'
Neither did |. 1t is due. though,
Shorty, to my sobriety. l tell you there
is no hope for the drunkard. I'll never
drink any MORE"
''Glad. Expect to quit pretty soon
myself. What sort of wedding toggery
have You got?"
Finest you ever saw"
"Would like to see 'em. Where's
your roOm?"
''Just across the street."
"SnppOSe we go over"
''All right. You ought to see my
girl.'
They went to Howell's room.
''By George!" exclaimed Shorty.
You will be fixed up in style, won't
you?"
81 should say so. Well, it's time, for
| have been fool long enough"
Say, put 'em on. lWant to see how
will look as bridegroom"
II don't want to rumple 'em."
''G0 ahead and put 'em on. You
know that in my present plight | can't
go to see you step Off"
"TO please you, Shorty, I'll put 'em
could cause me to yield in this matter"
He put on the clothes.
Shy George, Oscar, you look like
French dancing master. Well, I'm go
ing to take little nip"
He took bottle out of his pocket and
shook it. Here's some old stuff fell
low gave me at Hopkinsyille. Fifteen
years old. Remember the time we
struck that old negro for pint of peach
brandy? We'll, here's to you. All, hah,
hah; Would You try little9"
"Won't hurt you. Wouldn't hurt
flea. l tell you that when fellow feels
bilious little Ticker is mighty good
thing for him. Ever get bilious?"
Eyes; bilious now. Haven't had any
appetite for week"
Il was way off the other day, but this
stuff (again shaking the bottle has set
me all right
You don't mean to say that you have
had that Ticker for several days?"
Eyes. Tell you what's a fact. A
man doesn't want but little of this stuff,
and the beauty Of it is it keepsshim
from drinking bad licker."
''Let me smell of it,
Howell held the bottle to his nose;
then, with sudden impu Sc, his lips
closed over the neck. ''Ah, that is
good. What sort of time have you
had since saw you last?"
pull and hand it over here. Recollect
sing-'When This Old Coat Was
New?'''
.!Yes," Howell replied; II was think
ing about it the other night. Let me
taste your ware as Simple Simon re-
marked. Getting pretty low, too"
'.Yes, too low"
THAT isn't bad. Say, can you sing
Patsy's song?''
might, if had Ticker enough
Lets slip. down the back stairs into
that saloon"
'.All right, but amt you going to take
off your wedding clotheS?"
mo; we won't be down there but a
few minutes"
The next day battered bridegroom
and a ragged tramp awoke in a cattle
car seventy-iiye miles from Franklin.
"Say. Oscar"
We'll"
"Giye me your vest. You hain't got
no use for so much toggery."
s'All right, here she is"
'.Where shall we strike for?"
RECKON we'd better get off at the
junction and strike out down the Mem
phis road"
Girls For the Ballet.
Argonaut.
I'm selecting girls for my ballet"
said RnlnssY KiraIfV recently tsI do