Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1888-03-26

Mrs Jones-Don't trouble to see me to
the door, Mrs Smth-No trouble, quite
pleasure l assure you.
''What I'd like to know" said a school
boy, ''is how the mouths of rivers can be
so much larger than their heads.''
The older a man gets the more difficult
it is to pull the wool over his eyes. He
has good deal less wool you know.
There is young lady in a girls school
in Georgia. who goes by the nickname of
Postscript Her real name is Adeline
Moore.
A dyspeptic traveller recently committed
suicide in a country hotel by hanging
himself to bedstead with rope made of
twisted doughnuts.
Mamma said a little Dakota boy, as
he came into the parlor, ''where is papa?"
''He is crawling up the chimney, dear, to
see what kind of day it's"
An all-around wag has placed the fol-
lowing placard over his coal-bin ''Not to
be used except in case of fire." The cooks
relatives are in CONSERVATION.
The girl who owns a fast horse and a
comfortable cutter and who has proper
appreciation of the advantages of leap
year should be stranger to sorrow.
Magistrate (to witness)-Do you know
the nature of an oath, Uncle Rastus? I'm
Gle RaStus-I reckon l does, yo' Honah.
Ise owned balky mule lor foahteen yeah.
The busy bee, whose supposed industry
has passed into prOverb, is said by nat
uralist to work only three hours day.
But then he makes things hum when he
does work.
A Pole named Hentzistezski recently
settled a few miles from Binghampton.
From the jagged appearance of his name
we should take him to be a section of a
barbed wire fence rather than pole.
ssNever contract a friendship with a
man who is not better than yourself" +"
says one of those gratis advice writers.
That's all very well as far as you are con-
cerned, but how about the other fellow?
.sTo what do you attribute the curative
| pIOp6lGlcS VI lOuI oohNN "a 'AS
itor at a health resort. 'Well," answered
the proprietor thoughtfully, II guess the
advertising I've done has had somethin g
to do with it.
Kitty was on the lounge, purring as
loud as she could and Katy was cuddling
her. 80, mamma the little girl cried
all at once, ''my kitty has got wash
board in her throat, and I can feel the
noise rub over it.
Wilson, the celebrated vocalist, was
upset one day in his carriage near Edin-
burgh Scotch paper, after recording
the accident, said, 1--WE are glad to be
able to state he was able to appear the
following evening in three pieces
Doctor, surveying his newly papered
office-This is a very bad job of paper
hanging; very poor job, sir. Paper
hanger-I'll have to admit doctor, that
the Job isn't first-class. Unfortunately
we paper-hangers have no way of burying
our poor jobs"
One day Billy and Sammy were playing
by mud hole, and Billy he said ''Now
Sammy, less play we are barnyard; yor
be the pig and lie down and woller, anC
I'll be bull, and beller like everything.
So they got down on their hands ant
knees, and Sammy he went in the dir
and wallowed, while Billy beloved lik,
distant thunder. Bimeby Sammy he cam,
up muddy-you never saw such muddy
little fellow-and he said: 'Now yCu'l
be the pig, and let me beller." But Bill,
he said; Il amt very good pig excep
for dinner, and it'll be time 'nuff for yol
to beller when yer mother sees yer close