Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-08-01
WIT AND HUM0 R
A summer resort-beer.-Star.

WIT AND HUM0R
A summer resort-beer.-Star.
While boxing increases the size
of a mans arm, it doubles his fist
Star.
The greatest hardships in the
world are England's iron-clads.-
Ocean.
When a journalist retires from bus
iness, does he necessarily become an
express man ?-Ex.
The cat is versatile, and if you
give her a chance she'll become lap
a-dairy Yonkers Gazette.
Many persons keep revolvers under
their pillows to bring their enemies
down.-ew NHaven News.
The moon was full last night, not
to mention several other visitors from
out of town.-New Haven News.
Explorations at Lima have devel-
oped the remains of another city be-
meath it, though not as sub-Lima city
as the other.-Star.
Speaking of the tariff, the time
will soon be here when the small boy
will put green apples on the free list
Syracuse Herald.
1t is one of the peculiarities OF
things in general that the freshest
men generally tell the stalest stories.
Bangor Commercial.
|
During the parade of letter car
riers Oh the Fourth the wife Of one
of them wept bitterly because her
husband wouldn't letter carrier baby
in the procession.-Ex.
A storm that visited Tiffin, Ohio
recently blew down glass factories,
houses and several gas well derricks
in fact, caused widespread destruc-
ton. The only thing that escaped
was gas.-Star.
Schultz.-"That pug dog Of yours
has got an intelligent look about him
that is really remarkable"
Miller.-"Remarkable There is
nothing remarkable about it. In my
family that's the way we all look. -
Texas Siftings.
Long Island farmer.-"Don't you
see that sign, and what it says?'
Pat Chogue.--"How can | whin
its out ov my soight 2"
Farmer.-"It says "No Fishing on
These Grounds! !"
Pat.-"Be gobbs, it's roight. Divil
a wan have | caught at all Puck
Higgins Injecting his friend Wig
gins in restaurant) "By Jove,
Tom, should think you'd be afraid
to eat that dish. It's fatal"
Wiggins.-"What's the matter
It's only spare ribs and apple sauce"
Higgins.-"Well,' isn't that just
what knocked out Adam !"--The
Judge.
Wife.-"John, dear, what would
you do if | were to die?'
Husband.-"Don't speak Of such a
thing. ] would be desperate.
"Wife.-"Do you think you would
marry again ?"
Husband. .-"Well, NO; | don't
think would be as desperate as that. +"
Epoch.
The manner in which human be.
ing progresses in intelligence is very
simply and clearly illustrated. Take
child and give it quarter. He
Immediately tries to swallow it just
as it is. Give man quarter and
he prudently converts it into liquid
before attempting to swallow it
Somerville Journal.
Featherly was making his custom
AIRY Wednesday night call and Bobby
was sustaining his part Of the con.
versation with his usual ease and
Huency.
Ma" he said, "do people who
steal get into trouble p
Certainly, Bobby. Why"
81 heard Clara say that Mr.. Feath-
erly would get into trouble if he did
not stop stealing kisses. Epoch.
Bobby was caught by his mother
with his hand half buried in pre-
serve jar, and was extracted by the
ear.
"Oh, you horrid boy" cried the
lady, shaking him violently "look
at your face, hands and collar that
was put on clean this morning. You
are little pig. What would you
say if you saw me eating jam in that