davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
From the Judge.

Mr. Pooracter- -Humph! The American
theater is all right as it is, but society has
been formed in Boston "to elevate the stage"
What do you think of that?
Mr.. rynighter-Mighty good idea. As
mankind has found after repeated attempts
that it is utterly impossible to depress the
ladies' hats, it becomes absolutely necessary to
elevate the stage.
1t has come to be an adage that the softer the
love-letter the quicker the divorce.
New York Youth-That aria by Sullivan
was finely rendered, wasn't it? do love his
songs! By the way, do you know whether he
has written anything recently.
Boston GirI-Why, to be sure! Haven't you
heard of his $4,000 challenge?
BobIey-I suppose you didn't find your col
lege training of much use while editing paper
in such place as DEVILS Guch?
Yalenine-Didn't, Ell Why 1 had to maui
the backbOn out of half-a-dozen rufiians the
first week l was there.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
PERSONS AND THINGS.

- Edison, the inventor, says he would give all
his fame to recover his hearing.
The angel in art has got 10 90. Mr.. Beard, Of
the New York Art Students League III lecture
has shown the absurdity Of giving TO the artistic
angel the wings Of bird, showing by drawings the
impossibility anatomcally and the absurdty arti5-
ticaliy of the conventional art angel lie drew the
usual form given to Satan, and said that II was akin
10 the flying squirrel, which flies downward, and
its symbolism was correct, implying the devils
flight from a higher to a lower sphere.
- Mr.. AsshetOn Smith has planted the side Of a
mountain on his estate at LanddeinOlOn with FOR
est trees so arranged as to display the words Jub-
lee 1887 in letters 200 yards long by . feet wide,
10 all the surrounding country. The letters are
worked in trees Of hght-colored foliage planted
amid others forming dark background, and
6jJ 900 have been used in the undertaking.
- In one way the advent Of the Chinese IN San
Francisco has been beneficial to the city Inc
young white hoOdlums have learned 10 smoke
opium, and the habit soon kills them or renders
them harmless for evil.
- Mr.. Herbert Spencer has been staying at
Bournemouth. His health is improving, but he
still suffers from insomnia and nervous exhaustion
Since 1876 lie has been victim of sleeplessUess-
He is now doing very little work, and never eX-
poets to do much more, though his doctors are
more hopeful
- oscar II, King Of Sweden and Norway, is de-
scr1bed as having an intellectual thoushtlu couu-
tenaucc with eyes that almost peusIve IN their
expression Like his brother, me IS accom-
pIished literateur, and has translated Goethe 5
- Faust" t" into Swedish, published book OF travels
and several volumes OF poems, and Is the author OF
a monograph on Charles XII, Considered as King,
Warrior and MAN. SHpefStlJlDuS people niGIt
have augured troubled reign for this Bernadotte
from the facl OF his walking 10 the StOr Church at
Stockholm in pouring rain the day OF his cOrO-
nation in May, 1918 but, the other hand, 10 was
gIoriously fac weather when IN the June follow
ing he was crowned King Of Norway at Drout-
helm.
1t is said of certain Rear-Admiral Of the Navy
| that, when in command of a squadron a few years
ago. lac gave orders that all OF the bathtub5 and
washstands on his flagship should be removed, as
he had understood THAT such things were product
i've of disease resulting from the " sewer gas per
| meating the liying-rooms of the officers.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
Blufllng 4 Policeman.


A10-year old boy was truudling two-wheel-
ed cart loaded with laundry work ON the side
walk down State street below Pearl recently,
when policeman approached him pompously
and ordered him to roll the cart in the middle
of the street. The boy obeyed with i'll grace,
and the policeman, knowing thatthe lad would
turn up Broadway, hastily went around to that
thoroughfare via James streetand Maiden Lane.
He reached the corner of Broadway and Maid
en- Lane just in time to meet the boy, who had
again resumed his way on the sidewalk.
Didn't / tell you to roll that cart in the
roadway ?" said the cop" thoroughly angered,
as he seized the boy by the collar.
yep" replied the boy.
"Well, Pm going to take you in"
Huh2" queried the boy, not seeming to un-
derstand.
I'm going to take you to the station house, y
repeated the policeman.
"Well," said the boy, go ahead. But il
you do you'll wheel that cart with you, for Pm
burned if l do"
He was not taken in.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
FOR THE LADIES.

Mrs. John Sherwood, who is a mistress of de-
pertinent, repudiates the etiquet which demands
that lady should bow TO gentleman before he
can presume to bow. She says it is an English
custom which has rights that society IN America
is bound torespect.
Miss Bertha Sternberger, the first young lady
in this town to embark in the UNDERSTANDING busi-
ness has in addition to last week shipments sent
off several more boxes of peas this week. II is
very creditable to town to be able To say that one
of its society bellies has the energy to engage in
agricultural pursuits picking and preparing for
market in regular order crop OF peas, beans, etc
Can any of our sister towns show such a charming
truck -farmcr.-OSyEu Mss ItcO States.
There are 2I,OOOOOO widows in India This
may explain the reason why English officers con
slider India such dangerous station to be assigned
to.
Amanda Taylor a girl only II years old, is
teaching school in Owen County, KY
The Princess of Wales and her associates are
setting the fashion of wearing as much jewelry as
possible.
- Tie widow of ex-Giov. Colby, OF New London
Conn, aged %, made and contributed handsome
tidy to the fair lately held by the ladies OF that
place.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
He Resumed His Old Ways.

Claude had just learned something that he
never knew before.
He had read that the proper and only correct
manner of absorbing soup into ones system
was to take it Fl. m the side of the spoon, never
from the tip-a momentous edict that has lately
gone out from the public press throughout the
country.
lie blushed to think how often he had taken
his soup in catch -as-catch-c can style.
But it was not too late to reform. The only
point about which his mind was still in doubt
was from which side of the spoon the soup
should be taken.
He sat down to dinner that day with the air
of man who is about to do q great and glOri-
Gus deed. Then he tackled the soup.
The first few broadsides he delivered at him
self convinced him of these facts
Firstly, a man, in order to absorb soup grace
fully in the manner prescribed by the etiquet
fend, must shave off his mustache
Secondly, the transverse diameter Of his
mouth must equal the longitudinal diameter
of the spoon.
Thirdly, the tip of the spoon must be located
at the side.
Fourthly, even then it isn't possible.
Having discovered these facts he resumed his
former untutored manner of eating soup as was
handest.
The world kept on revolving just the same.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
Suspicious BOstOnian.
boston BudOet.I

A curious sight was to SEQ yesterday during
the rain a wet umbrella leaning against the
wall outside railroad office on Washington
street A country visitor did not wish to carry
the dripping head protector within the pre-
cincts of the office, and there it remained for
fully half hour without molestation. Hun
dreds were the qucstive gIances cast at the
tempting article, and occasionally some pedes-
trian unsupplied with such protection would
advance a step or two toward it. but would then
draw back and 90 his way, evidently thinking
it was trap. Had the countryman left il in
side the door or in any less prominent place it
would undoubtedly have disappeared almost
Immediately upon leaving his hand, but there
it was secure, and has probably settled the
vexed question as to the safest place to leave an
umbrella.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
True Kind Of Religion.
TIndependcnee (T0waJ Journal. !

lIHuepeIlGcflce tiOUuj journal
About II years ago farmer named Gleason
living Uortheast Of Independence one morning
found one of his colts dead, and there was GER
tain evidence that it had been killed by some
one The young man supposed to have killed
the colt left the country about that time, and
very little was heard from him until last FALL
when it was learned that he had been converted
and had Joined the church A short time ago
the young man returned to Buchanan County
for q visit. While there he went to Mr. Glea-
sons farm, and meeting that person, said
believe you lost a colt several years ago."
/ did," was the reply.
How much was it worth?" was the next
question.
"Aboat $50"
"Win this pay for it?" said the visitor,
handing out $lOO"
"Yes, and more too, said Mr.. Gleason, hand
ing back so.
The other person took the $50 and departed,
starting for Nebraska that day. This is the
kind of religion that Is needed.
Hare you done your duty IN getting one more
subscriber for THE NATIONALT TRIBUNE
You should DO this, for ii Is the best aeqy to help
gOuT comrades
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
HUMoR.
Termination of Divorce Case.

San Francisco Chronicle
A well-known lawyer told me a few days ago
a story of late experience.
"Iye had funny case lately.@ 1t was di-
vorce case, and l was counsel for the lady. l
never heard two people abuse each other so. /
never knew two people to make such bitter,
hard fight as those two. The property was
considerable, and l had it tied up with an in
junction. Ali efforts to compromise were no
good. At last l thought the man was trying to
cheat the woman, so stopped negotiations for
a compromise and prepared to put the case into
court. The lady came to see me.
" It's no use, madam. Pm going to put the
case straight through the court"
4" ! wish you would it's what l want. l
never will compromise with that man-neyer,
never, neverp
"All right. You will call here at 10 o'clock
tomorrow, and we viii see about the wit
nesses."
Next morning at 10 o'clock she was there.
She was nattily dressed, in great style, and she
sat down with pleased assurance.
"Well, madam, let US proceed"
" ! want that case dismissed"
Dismissed How is that2"
"Well, we've fixed it."
"You have ?"
"Yes. It's all settled.
"May l ask how you settled it?"
"Well, last night he came up to my rooms.
The door was locked, and when he knocked |
said, Who's that? It's me- You can't
come in.' He kept knocking, / told him he
couldn't come in, and he knocked harder and
/ told him louder he couldn't come in, and he
kicked the door down and came in, and we sat
down and fixed it ali up"
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
Frnn Pnck.

Secretary Whitney's management of the navy
has at last been vindicated. A barge recently
ran afoul Of the IT, S. S. Atlanta, and, contrary
to precedent, it was the barge that sunk.
The buttercup is the cup that cheers the bee.
A Vermont humanitarian has just patented a
hy-paper skull-cap, for bald-headed men to
wear in church.
The Italian opera and the German opera have
their day and pass away; but the negro min
strel, like his own jokes, seems destined to last
forever
There ought to be plenty Of gold in Califor-
MIA, when you consider the price of land out
there.
The life of the washerwoman is a bare
knuckle fight for existence
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
Oscar Wasn't Such a Fool.


Col. Vail, manager of Ragan's illustrated
lectures, is the man who pilOted Oscar Wilde
through this country. The wonder is that he
still lives. :" Oscar Wilde was no fool, by any
means" said the Colonel He worked the
United States for all there was in it, He
cleaned up $4,000 net, not counting the $4,000
he lost against Hungry Joe's bunco game in
New York. Oscar was genteel fakir. The
Oscar Wilde craze was his own invention. He
worked the aesthetic craze for every dollar in
sight Whenever anybody used to call on him
at his hotel he always struck an attitude
arranged the lilies and sunhowers, and did
everything possible for effect before the visitor
entered but the moment the visitor left he
became another man and was one of the boys.
His @stheticism was all assumed. When he
returned to England he cut off his long hair,
got down to business, and gave the Yankees
the grand laugh. The mostamusementIe ever had
on the Oscar Wilde tour was in Denver, when
Eugene Field got a wig and personated Wilde
to perfection. Field in his makeup took in the
town and fooled everybody. His imitation of
Wilde was very deceptive, and was a great hit.
Nobody enjoyed it more than Wilde himself,
who was in the party. Wilde had his long
hair tucked up under cowboy hat, and no.
body recognized him, while everybody took
Field for Wilde"
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
portland Ore0onian.l


A gorgeous specimen Of that nowadays some
what rare bird, banketed Indian, was seen
yesterday sitting on the sidewalk at the foot of
Morrison street and attracted much attention.
His blanket outshone the historical coat of
Joseph in the number and brilliancy of its
colors, a cowboy hat adorned his head, his long
switch" Of black hair awoke envy in the
hearts Of all females who saw it, broad circle
Of pale-bue beads surrounded his swarthy
neck, his flannel shirt was worn a la Byron,
and bis pantaIoons of red blanket were made
in separate parts, so that one leg could be worn
at time if desired, and his pigeon-toed feet
were incased in bucksllin moccasins. lie had
just been tried in Judge Deady's court for fur
nishing liquor to his red brethren, and having
pleaded guilty was fined $50 and one day in
the Umatilla County Skookum house. In a
year or two more blanketed Indians will be as
scarce as hens teeth and when such fellow
as the above described comes to town he should
be photographed and the shadow secured be-
fore the substance fades.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
4 Model Husband.

IF every woman could be sure of a husband
like Mr. Joseph Cummings of East Oxford,
Ne, il is probable that the number Of those
who sign themselves " Old Maid would mate
rally lessen. As reported by the Mechanic
Falls Ledger, Mr.. Cummings who will be 80
years old next month"; has done the housewOrk
and taken care Of his sick wife much of the
time for the past 10 years, since Mrs Cummings
had a paralytic shock. This Winter she has
been afflicted with rheumatism so she cannot
rise from her chair without help Mr. Cum
mings has done the cooking, washing and iron
ing for four years and this Spring has been
cleaning house in the most approved style. He
lives on a large farm keeping horse and II
head Of cattle. If this worthy man should
ever be so unfortunate as TO become a widower,
he would be in very great danger.
IF each subscriber TO THE NATIONAL
TRIBUNE wiH charge himself aciA getting
one nclo subscriber the circulation Of tie paper
loiH be doubled at once, and 0iM little trouble.
Let each subscriber try ii.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
An EnrlIsIlman,s Blunder.
[ChicagO AmericG.

The recent election of Mayor Shakespeare, of
New Orleans, to a second term of office recalls
the amusement with which an Englishman,
who visited the Southern city last year, told
the following story subsequently in Chicago:
81 found the Southcrners deucedly ignorant" A."
he said. "Why, a man in New Orleans showed
me big building which he called the Shakes
peare Hospital. just to test his intelligence l
asked him why it had been given that name.
"'Because,' he said, a man named Shakes
pearo built it while he was Mayor of New Or
leans
"What an idea that was And the best part
Of the blooming story is that the beggar actu-
ally thought he was telling the truth"
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
POints.R
IJudgeI
False fronts

Bosom friends-Fase fronts.
On the retired list-Sleepng babies.
The blush of king is a royal flush.
There may be no hell, but there is Canada.
Stock raising pays better than check-raising.
Bound to make his mark-The man who can
not write.
When crank meets crank then comes the tug
Of politics.
Belva Lockwood has new Spring bonnet,
but it contains the same old bee
Sullivan has lost his prestige, but he hangs
on like grim death to his old-tme swagger.
Boston pays $4,000 for all-player and
New York $4,000 for a cook, and yet the
papers keep right on telling young men to go
West
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
Immense Spider Webs.

Lieut.. W. Smyth of the British Royal Navy,
in his Narrative Of a Journey from Lima to
Para" published some years ago, gives the fol-
lowing extraordinary account of a spider web.
He says: We saw at Pachiza, on the river
Huayabamba, in Peru, a gigantic spiders web
supended from the trees. 1t was % feet in hight
and near 30 feet in length. The threads were very
strong, and it had the empty sloughs of thou
sands of insects hanging on it. 1t appeared to
be the habitation or great number of spiders
Of q larger size than we ever saw in England" )"
DR.. Sage's Catarrh Remedy cures when every
other so-calleG remedy fails.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
Why the Preacher Laughed.

al only laughed in the pulpit once" said a
young preacher "It happened in this man
ner: / was preaching at a certain place one
Sunday, and during the sermon l caught sight
of a young dandy. who had head of fiery red
hair Immediately behind him sat little
urchiu. The young scapegrace was amusing
himself. He held one Of his fingers out near
the dandy's hair. After keeping it there for a
knee, commenced pounding it with his other
fist, initiating blacksmith hammering red
hot nail The whole thing was so ludicrous
that l burst out laughing l couldn't help
ito
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
MisfOrtunes Never Come SingIy.
FyE

a West Philadelphian, who has been patron
izing chirpy Germans saloon on Lancaster
avenue for number Of years, dropped in the
other morning, as usual. The host was leaning
up against the bar looking as cherries as a
tombstone Halo, Fritz" said the visitor,
whats the matter with you?" "Ah, men
frent," replied the saloon-kccper, with a sad
shake Of the head, a." l never knowed vat vas
misfortune yet alretty till now. Dis morning
my wife had twins, and l vas refused my
Icpuca -
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
4 Reflection.
GnV- ]

Virgins, as he laid his newspaper on the table,
{" that a windy, loud mouthed impostor often
succeeds, while men of great merit are passed
over"
''Not at all, replied Bobley; otis the most
natural thing in the world to put the blower
before the graten
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
Laws Heavy Heel.

Bobley-Justice can move quickly when she
wants to. Here's a fellow stole some silver
plated ware, and the same day he was sent up
for 10 years.
Wiggins-Ten years! wonder what he'd
have got if he had stolen a railroad?
Bobley-Got Oft, of course. What do you
suppose the statute of limitations was invented
for?
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
Fatally Poisoned by Spider.
FTy-st......s.ty,., fN ~ Ef,r.,,... -.

A woman in Iredell County died last week
from having drank teain which spider had
been boiled
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24

The purifying effects of Ayers sarsaparilla
are sure and speedy. Takeit this month.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24

Erry nan ,chO sCOre the Jiue, md eUer,y
Jricnd Of his, Should take THE NATIONAL
TRIBUNE. IL gices mare and better matter
Than any other family aceekIy paper, and costs
OHly tir0 cents q qreeE.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
Almost Killed by Kindness.

Mrs. Crimsonbcak-Good morning, Doctor
How is Mr.. Yeast this morning2
Doctor have Just srent three hGnrs with
him aud lis coa8iJ.un = ~stv eilI;.a1
aG, yes . see Gan said tgg incg"
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
ITO be continued

II is duty you ol0e to your comrades to get at
least one neD subscriber for THE NATIONAL
TRIBUNE.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24
ATTENTION.

an who sgTsr with PILES may be- cured by in
closing SIC. 90 t1wrte Geo. $ MTrrs Carey, Ohio flr
Pot % his solid Extract Of witch Hazel.
Mention IAe National Tribune.
The National tribune. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1877-1917, 1888-05-24

= had worked zealously and faithfully for it,
NV triSls and troubles with the War Office
have been told here. 1t had resulted in my
being disappointed for many days. Yet at the
time OF which / am writing, along in March,
1868. while j was serving as an enlisted man,
drawing my rations and pay as such, was IN
fact an officer, and did not know it at the lime
and only learned il some months atterward
This anomaly was brought about long after
Gettysburg by Mr.. Lincoln, who, on learning
Of my former services. ordered my commission
anto-dated one year. So that, when ] got my
parchment at last, found that / ranked some
OF the older officers in seniority.
As I have furnished other references 70 es-
fabIish the correctness Of my statements, / take
especial pride in putting before my readers the
followiuE correspondence.
lost MY original parchment while travelling
in California IN 1854 Gen. Stoneman, then
Governor. kindly interested himself in assist
ing me IN my search for it, but, not finding it,
I applied TO the War Department for a certified
copy The following Is the reply, which ex-
plains itself:
I2577 A. Y. p, IsS5l
WAR DEPARTMENT,
ADJUTAET- G GENERALfs OFFICE, =