The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-08-22
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

u I1Oh VT Dshis
Has its ups and downs-The barome-
ter.
Moves in the highest circles-The
moon.
The most popular campaign tune is
the cartoon.
Does the dog watch account for the
barks at sea!
Inspector of light houses-Manager
for a star who fails to draw.
The first man to hang out "shingle"
must have been a hair cutter.
1t is a great day for garden beds when
the rain comes down in sheets.
Ocean steamers may not be athletic,
yet they al Ego over the bar"
You can always find the latest craze at
any well conducted insane asylum.
A picture in your imagination is, of
course, enclosed in a frame of mind.
Why a e sailors egotistical3 Because
they are always saying "Aye, aye, SIR"
An English paper asks; "Should men
sew2n They should mend, but not sew.
1t is never too late to mend. .-Neio lor6
NerS.
Even the champion batter of the
Leapue might not be able to make hit
on the stage or the lecture PLATFORM
THE d,d.
The man who has only one arm, and
that a left one, knows how essential it
is that he should get on the right side of
his best girl.
The safest way for man to take his
life in his hands is to write it himself
and have it published before he dies
d. nsrHl5 BreCz.
A locomotive, a prohibitionist, cow
ard, = duck and lemonade all resemble
each othel iis,that they all take water
DIascale Br6.ze.
1t is supposed that apartment houses
are modern invention of the Evil One;
yet Shakespeare said; ''Weary fiat, stale
and Improbable. ~ Ne0 York NeiCs.
'Miss, what Is your exact age:"
asked the lawyer. "When l go out
with my papa / am fifteen years of age;
when l am with mamma, only twelve"
"Oh, don't let the word be nay"
The lover cried in woe
" All right, John Henry she replied;
1t sha'n't be nay, but no,
-Hurper's Bdzdr,
Stern Fathcr-'My son, if it breaks
my heart am going to b eak your stub
born will. Dutiful Son-''All right,
father I'm going to break yours some
day, if it breaks my pocket. .- Burdette.
No Soulless Mechanism Needed:
Fdison's Ag,nt-"Wouldn' you like to
buy a phonograph' 1t will store up
everything You say and repeat 1t to you.
Want one3" Omaha Man-"No; got a
wife. "-OmdJa IIord.
"Ah, dear" he said tenderly, show
can | leave you and go to my cheerless
and lonely aboden "If you make haste,
George, " replied the girl, with a g'ance
at the clock, ''you can go by the last
car "-Ne,o Y0rk DisBatH.
"Madam, 4" said the landlady, "when you
| engaged your room this morning you
said you hal no childreuw 81 haven't"
replied madam. "Tnercis a little girl
crving on the floor above. Is she not
yoursl' "No; she is an adopted child"
| TIE Epoch.
Miss Budrose getting vacoinateO-
| 600 YOU think it will take, DIR. Mon
taguel" Dr. Montague Cgallantly)
! it doesn't take on such an arm, my dear
| Mis- Violet, | shall have but little re-
spect for, vaccine hereafter. ."-Nmae-
apolis TriJuRc.
Captain.-"What made you drop that
pop fly! 1t was an awful error"
! Stoughton, '1.--"Captajn, | got so
ratified that | saw six balls Captain
(crossly)-"I should think you might
have caught one of them, at least. -
Haread LampooH.
The atmosphere with cheers is rent
The boys outside the fence
Are sure the Giants win al last,
The noise is so immense.
| But ali, uas for human hopes,
The mobs most joyous roar
Was only due 10 a daisy foul
That struck the umpre's jaw.
~ 10 York sun.
at was q severe punishment said
the father self-reproachfullT "but 1t
answers the purpose 1t kept Johnny
from running on the street "lou
didn't cripple the boy, did you" "No,
| had his mother cut his hair for hsm.
You ought to see the poor boy. -
Chicag2 Tri UHs.
Thunderaud Lightning. Lightning
rod agent TO boyl-"ls that your father
| living there in the shade, souuy!' Boy
-"No. sir pas away, an me and ma is
the only ones TO home; that's dead
book-agent Dye want to sell ma any
thingt" Thunder no, said the light
ming man. Tile Ep0rh.
--------a----
Texas has 7,OS1, 076 head of cattle,