The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1888-11-01
MINISTER'S STORIES.

During twenty years experience il
the work of the ministry, l have mel
with the most laughable scenes where
one would not expect anything but
church-like solemnity," said a well
known minister the other day to a re-
porter of the Kansas City Star.
II have stood by the sick and dying,
and have seen incidents worthy of de-
description by humorist's pen. have
stood at the marriage altar, where the
very air breathed of solemnity and have
with difficulty kept down laughter over
some scene or situation. A minister's
life is full of rich and happy changes,
and l pity The man who can pass
through such life an exemplification
of walking tombstone. Poor mau, he
never learned the secret of life.
| Il was fresh from-Theolopic
Seminary, and had entered upon the
duties Of my first charge at salary Of
$500 year. Never shall l forget those
days nor the novel way one brother in
sisted upon paying his part of the min
isters salary of $500 year. This dear.
good pillar of the church kept a email
country grocery, anu one day while
making my pastoral calls, l stepped
into the establishment of the brother To
inquire after his spiritual welfare. lie
motiuned me 10 where he was seated.
and after finishing his pipe OF the viiest
tobacco ever smelled began
4" i amt much good anyhow, parson,
and don't deserve very large share of
the kingdom, but durn me if l don't
want to do the square thing by you, 70
Fil contribute $40, to be paid in pea
NUS
Il took the first instaIment and re-
treated soon after, wondering all the
time what some of my young m inisterial
brethren would say TO such a pastoral
call.
Zone night shortly after this made a
call at the home of the Young
lady who afterward became my wife.
While there an ignorant but good mean
ing, country fellow came to the door
and asked for the minister, saying he
understood that parsonage was there
he was invited in and | was called to
meet him. After blushing profusely
and making several Intellectual attempts
10 make known his errand, he managed
10 say in broken sentences, with tears,
IA it were, in his voice
I'll want to- come to see you
lbou-that is, what will you charge to
na-marr-marry me p
when informed there was no regu-
ar charge, and that any donation would
De gladly receive, he opened his heart to
he extent of cord of wood and the
bargain was closed, but what l was to
10 with such barter was n mystery to
ne.
"On another occasion, at a social meet
ng, | had become quite eloquent in
prayer, and I'm afraid lengthy. bad
prayed for the sick, the afflicted, the ab
'ent ones, the heather at home and
abroad, and had importuned blessings
lpon everybody and everything upon
he earth, sea, or in heaven, and had (
cached the now, finally, Lord when
IN unthInking brother, whose heart was
Ill right, called out, Amen amen ! 80
ervently, and the situation seemed so r
'idiculOus, that brought my petition to
| speedy close, even more speedily than
had intended. '
That was twenty five years ago in q t
mall New England village, and / have
erved better churches since then. At 6
me of my CITY appointments | had an &
experience in wedding ceremony that {
or an amusing situation surpasses any q
hing | have ever seen. The groom q
a ceremony with no break what. S
ver ,one Of the smoothest nf the smooth,
o he borrowed my ritual to pip up on /
he questions and answers but by mis- 8
axe he got hold of the baptismsl cove C
Iant and committed the answers to it.
he wedding day arrived, so did the ner-
Gus groom with his bride. They walk. u
d up the church aisle keeping step to q
he grand old strains OF Mendelssohn's u
Wedding March. had a premonition a
I trouble. The ceremony began 4
John. will you have this woman to k
e your welded wife to live after Gods a
oily ordinance, to love and to cherish a
! sickness or in health ?'
81 renounce them ALL answered c.
ohm.
" You're fool, l said to him under
~ breath. v
" All this steadfastly believe came b
le answer and ditto a sound of sup <,
ressed laughter from the audience. Il
here was . hurried cOnveTsai ion be-
veen John and me, and then repeated hi
Ie question, likewise the answer TO it, n,
I'd to all succeeding ones. 10
Zone day was in my study when a lil
erman brother from the country came
and wanted me to visit his sick wife.
" What is the matter with Katrina,
ans inquired, tit
- oh, der is Something's the madder
it her livers un1 her mind is berangtd,
It's vat dink.
't Well, Hans, you better get physi- We
IN; he can do more good than /, was an
e argument | used on him. but he
,s not to be put off aft
- Mine shimmiDy grashious. amt you
t. ia cases Of arrangement p
IL have since thought that | would
Ike application for the chaplaincy of
ne lunatic asylum, and no doubt my
aggregation would heartily approve.
Il had choir down IN New England the
It had so much of the spirit OF the he
lie in it that doubt very much il its g
mbers every enter through the pearly 9
les and are transferred to the heaven. 81
chorus. They were kicking almost 81
and once, when on a -
Ike. concluded to bear with them no hot
ger. They were in their places all ''
ht on this particular Sabbath morn %
+, but they informed me that they to
u'd not sing note until Brother - -
reduced to the pews. This | abso- e
,ly refused to do, and gave out the .
ming hymn "