Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-03-08

blood, otherwise be will be spanked for
making trivial complaints. For breaking
head the penalty is similar to that for
petit larceny, and for manning it is life
| imprisonment. If the prisoner is rich he
can escape imprisonment by transfer
ring as much OF his wealth TO the injured
man as would secure him life compe-
tence without work. In all cases bsil is
not accepted except from men of great
literary attainments, or degreed scholars
of local or national reputation. These
men seldom give bail in criminal cases,
unless they are satisfied of the prisoner
innocence, and then il is equal TO an
honora ole acquittdl.
An appeal for pardon on behalf OF any
criminal must be made through men of
education holding diplomas from the
various colleges. In this way the wishes
of the people reach the throne.
For misunderstanding or blackmaiI the
offenders mouth is spanked" so hard
that he can not use it for some time.
Women are the principal recipients of
this punishment. Any kind of highway
ROBBERY is punished by cutting off the
head of the offender, while forcible en-
trance with intent to do injury to person
or property is punished By exile.
There are no breach Of promise cases,
ard If single man assaults an unbe-
trothed girl he can compromise by marry
ing and supporting her, no matter if he
be a beggar and she a princess. If a
married man is guilty of the crime under
any circumstances, Q is peheaded, and
if single man assaults a married woman
he, too, is beheaded. IL the woman's
husband makes the discovery he can cut
off the heads OF his wife and the man.
For this the authorities will reward him
because it shows his manhood.
Under no circumstances will the scribes
or silent lawyers, of China, allow their
names TO be known in courts. the duties
of tie judges being to find out for them
selves who is right and who is wrong.
No matter if he is lawyer or not, any
man who aids another to evade the law is
guilty OF treason. II all cases plaintiffs
and defendants plead their own causes.
Miss Marryatt on Americans.
London New Age.
''What impressions did you form of the
Yankees during your stay in America,
Miss Marryatt? You can give me some
thing that is not in your book on the
subject, dare say"
"That will be difficult, I'm afraid" re-
piled Miss Marryatt, with pleasant
smile. "BGt America is large subject.
Where do you wish me to begin?"
''Well, suppose we start with American
women. What are their national charac-
teristics?"
Diamonds and false teeth, I should
say. Every American woman has a rage
fnr ho LOTT
greatly to the system of living practiced
IN the United States, is inevitable. But
besides this, all American woman, gen
orally speaking, are afflicted with a
would be smartness and speak through
the nose. They have all, more or less, a
nasal twang, owing to what l don't know.
Some say it's the dryness of the air that
affects some vessel in the nose, but I'm
sure I'm rot able to tell. The Americans
undoubtedly, however, suffer from a ma
tional catarrh, as is most evident in the
peculiar tone which nearly all of them
speak.
"There is another thing about Ameri-
can women, too. They don't make up
as English-don't dye their hair, and, as
they get gray at &c, this is the more Pc
caliar. I think life is faster and has
more rush and stress than here. A nerv-
Gus excitement and irritable unrest per-
vades all ranks and classes. The ladies
are always chewing candy, the men per-
petuaHy drinking ice water. They ruin
their teeth and digestion at the same
time, think America is the home of
false teeth" added Miss Marryatt med
itatively.
"But did you seriously intend to state,
Miss Marryatt, now, when speaking of
the American women not making up,
that none of those little devices, those
concealed female embellishments which
one sees advertised in ladies' papers are
in usage in the Tilted States?"
ooh, dear, no; / didn't mean to say
that. In fact the Americans are much
cleverer in i'm proving the figure than
their English cousins. Many of the men
wear stays--only think-while it is a
common thing for the women to pad up
in front with canary seed"
Canary seed?"
eyes. For the bust, you know. Moves
about and gives lively and natural ap-
pearance."
"Did you enjoy Your trip?" gasped our
representative, after pause.
"Ah, yes, exceedingly. They are most
kind hearted and hospitable people.
Yes, l went to Boston-a city of prigs.
The American men are smarter than the
English. Not more brains, but more
active and pushing in their habits. They
make love better, ] believe-keep cool.
when an Englishman makes love he gets
red and Shutters"
Oyford;S CoIIaoa OarSmnn