Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1888-05-03
A RAcY noon
Scintillating with sarcasm and brilliant
Truth.

( Chap, !. Has Malaria" goes to Florida.
Chap. H. "Oyerworked;' goes 60 Europe:
Chap. Ill. Has rheumatism" goes 10 Ems.
Chap W. Has a row with hIs Doctor.
| have read deal OF sarcasm in my
day but | never read anything equal to
the sarcasm contained in the above four
chartered book written by some anony
nous. | suspect the experience portray
ed is personal one; the author intimates
as much on page 81. Let me give you a
synopsis:
Malaria" as it states, ais the cloak
with which superficial physicians cover
up multitude of i'll feelings which they
do not understand and do not much care
to investigate. L. is also a cover for such
diseases as they cannot cure. When they
advise their patient to travel or that he
has overworked and needs rest and Is
probably suffering from malaria, it is
confession of ignorance or of inability
"Ihe patient goes abroad. The change
is tonic and for time he feels better
Comes home. Tickle appetite, frequent
headaches severe colds. cram s, sleepless
ness, irrati6ility, tired feelings, and gen
eral uuftness for business are succeeded
in due time by alarming attacks of rheu-
matism which fits about his body regard
less OF all human feelings.
ut is muscular,-in hiss back. Articular,
in bis joints. Indammatory, myl hos
he fears il will fly to his heart!
IN vs. Of he goes TO the springs. The
doctor sends him thore, of course, to get
we'll; at the same tune be does not really
want him TO die on his hands!
That would hurt his business.
Better for few days. Returns. After
a while neuralgia trans6xes him. He
oloats; cannot breathe; has pneumonia;
cannot walk; cannot sleep on his lett side,
Is fretfu,; very nervous and irritable; ia
pale and ilabby; has frequent chills and
fevers; everything about him seems to go
wrong; becomes suspicious; musters up
courage and demands to know what is
killing him!
Great heaven" he cries, "why havA
you kept me SO long in ignOranceP
Because" said the doctor, ~ read your
fate FIVE years ago. | thought best to
keep you ignorant of the facts"
He dsmisses his doctor, but too latel
His fortune has all gone in fees.
Bat him, what becomes of himY
The other day a well known Wall Street
banker said to me sit is really astoHiSh-
ing how prevalent bright's disease is be
coming. Two of my personal friends
are NOW dying of it. But it is not in-
durable l am certain, for my nephew was
recently cured when his physicians SAID
recovery was inn possible. The case seems
TO me TO be a wonderful QUE" This gen
tleman formerly represented his govern
ment in foreign country. He knows,
appreciates and declares the value of
that preparation, because his nephew
who is a son of Danish Vice Consul
Schmidt, was pronounced incurable when
the remedy, Warmers safe cure, was be-
gun. Yes" said his father, 81 was very
skeptical, but since taking that remedy
the boy is we'll"
happen to know what it was that
cured the boy, for Genl. Christiansen, of
Drt1sl Morgan & Co.'s told me that il
was that wonderful remedy Warmers safe
cure
Well, l suspect the hero of the book
cured himself by the same means.
IeLnnot close my notice better than by
quoting the authors ed ice:
~ friend, you have such an exper
renee as as.~ .---t--,' I'D, do not put
your trust in physicians TO the oA~l----.
of other remedial agencies. They have
no monopoly over disease and | person
ally know that many of them would far
prefer that their patients should go to
Heaven direct from their powerless hands
han that they should be saved to earth
by the use of any unauthorized means"