Morning journal and courier., 1888-07-19
GENERAL.

Maj. Smith-Col. Jones, can you tell me where Gen. Robinson got his military title.
 Col. Jones-Certainly, sir. He was gener- al ticket agent at Kalamazoo, Mich, for six years.-Puek.
 By the roadside.-Tramp No. 1-s'I say, Jem, I've got dandy new name for me old shoes. Call lem corporations now" Tramp No. 2-fFor why, me boy?" Tramp No. l. '"Cause they've got no soles. ."-Pittsburg Bulletin.
 A young lady who has been taking whis- ting lessons from gentleman friend for the past four months can't whistle a note yet, but she has been seen in the stationer's pricing wedding invitations. Statesman.
 Mamma-Harry, you must be stilll No respectable person will stamp and pound, and shout the way you are doing.
 Harry (doubly grieYed)-Why, mamma, I was only just initiating the way papa preach es.-Burlington Free Press.
 When a lawyer asks witness if he is sure he is telling the truth he confidently expects the man to promptly reply: 's No, not expect it he would not ask such 8 silly question.-Detroit Free Press.
 Passenger-What's wronga
 Brakeman-The train behind us can't slow up. There11 be an awful collision.
 Passenger-And I'll be killed. That's just my luck. I was foolish enough to buy re- turn ickst.-Detroit Free Press.
 Magistrate-"You are charged with steal ing chickens, Uncle Rastus." Uncle Ras- tus-'tYas, sar so understands" Magis- trate-"Have you ever been arrested be- forea" Uncle Rastus-" Only wonce be- fo', you honah. Tse always been bery lucky"
 Edward-'I suppose you learned at Vassar the inexpicable difference between the anat- omy of the deg and that of other animalsa" Sophia (who has just been graduated with an What Is ita" Edward-'sHis lungs are the seat of his pants. Life.
 Mrs. Razzle (who has just arrived in the country)-Mr. Razzle wanted me to ask you if you had room enough in the barn for pair of cobs he is to bring up from the city?
 Elnathan-Bless yer heart, of course we has. He kin put m right in tn corn crib Hong with tn rest of last years shuckin'." "- Judge.
 Minister (mildly)-"Tve been wanting to see you, MT. Kurd, in regard to the quality of milk with which you are serving me-" Milk man (uneasily)-"Yes sir." Minister (very mildly)-'I only wanted to say, MT. Kurd, that use the milk for dietary purposes ex- clusively and not for christening. "-New York Sun.
 "Humphl" said a Chicago girl contemptu> OQSIy. They LaIk 6DOuC bOSLOn CulluI0 ana education. don't think much of it." f'Why net?" tI had a cousin from Boston visiting me short time ago. entertained her the best could; took her to the base ball game every day" ''And wasn't she cultured or educatedG" tWell, should say not. She couldn't even keep score. ."-Merchant Tray eler.
 The religious controversy Have you read Mir. Gladstone's remarks upon Colonel Ingersoll's rejoinder to Dr. Fields answer to Ingersoll's reply to Dr. Fields open letter to Mir. Ingersolls retort to Gladstonea" B. ''No, I have not, but am waiting with no little interest Mir. Gladstone's reply to Colo nel Ingersolls retort to Dr. Fields open letter to MT. Ingersolps rejoinder to Dr. Fields an- swer to Colonel Ingersoll's reply to Mir. Glad- stone's remarks. ."-Texas Siftings.
 They were on their bridal tour, and she said gaily: "Now, Fred, we don't want every body in the car to know that we are newly married and have them all staring at us. Let us act like real old married people. It'll be such jolly fun" .An right" said Fred calmly. "You just let me have that end of the seat; it's lots plessanter than this. I'll take the pillow, toe, and guess I'll go to sleep for three or four hours. You waken me when we come to the dinner station. Spread that shawl over me, and" "Oh, I don't care who knows that we're just mar ried," she said. "Sit where you are, dear, and hold my hand."-Times.