Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1888-01-14
HUMOR.


sometimes introduces you to his Anat-
omy of Melancholy the next f1exnlng. !
--PuCk.
THERE was man much given to
filings and sneers, whom his wife
called fellow of infinite twit.-Terds
SVing$.
AN exchange gives a receipt for max
ing q cheap horse cart. You can make
a cheap horse do it, we suppose, but
you mustn't load the cart too heavily.
-SiftiHgS.
SAID Mr.. McFerguson, shaking his head:
Il am not to my wife 5 stronger qualities
And white She can't mako up a dress or a bed,
You just ought to see how she makes up her
Puck
FIRST Florida Man I thought ]
would present my little bill this morn
ing" Second Florida Man-"No need
of doing that. The mosquitoes attend
ed to that last night. "-Ar, ola Record.
The gnyest man is sometimes the saldest
Tho Dest-hGmorod man il sometimes the
But the heaviest man is neycr the lightost
And the sOberest man Is never the "tIghtest
-ArkGHSdW TrLreler.
OLD LADY, am sorry to hear a lit
tie boy use such shocking language.
Do you know what becomes of little
bows who swear?" Urchin-"Yes'm m.
Dev gifts to be boss car drivers. lid
Bits.
MAMMA Ito Walter, who has just re-
turned from his first experience with
fishing-rod) What, back so soon?
Walter-Y es'm; L thought I'd come
home. The worms were so nervous
couldn't get 'em on the hook.
BRowN--"I saw you going home very
late last night with turkey under your
arm, Robinson. Robinson-Yes, was
down at Rumangum's with the boys un-
til nearly o'clock rafting. ! won it.
Brown-Was it q nice turkey? Rob
inson-I don't know; 1 was too sick to-
day to eat any of it.-Nc,c York sam.
AT gathering of few ministers
and others the other d y, in New York
City, to utter some words of grateful
mention and good cheer to the Rev.
DIR. Deems, some one declared that "an
ounce of tatfy" was worth more than a
ton OF epitaphy! A word in season,
how good it is; but words, however
kindly spoken over a grave, come too
late.
STRANGER-"I notice you drove the
President over the same street twice"
Omaha man-"Yes, we arranged the
route that way. You see, we drove
him through that street on his arrival,
and then drove him through it when
we went back an hour later" ok
actly. 1 thought it was an oversight"
sob, no. We wanted to give him a
chance to see how Western cities grow. :"
HIS CAPABILITIES.
i've given you your dinner now
~. The woman to the poor tramp sail
$50 take this and split some wood,
| And pile 1t neatly in the shed
"Ah! no, indeed !" the man replied,
II promised to do all could
But eally, ma'am, 1never had
The least id III OF splitting wool
What are You good for then?' she said,
"EOu thief, you yagabond, you Turk
He answered. backing down the steps,
Il can do anything but work.
-TGrdS SUtjnGS.
The members of church at Hart
well, Ga, were discussing what they
had done to help the cause of religion
along during the year, when one good
brother. whose cotton crop had turned
out b tier than he had expected, said !:
IL came very near promising the Lord
at planting time that 1 would give him
81 for every bale of cotton | should
make this year, but, brethren, if l had
done so the Lord would have got me
sure"
AN Ohio preacher tried to quote the
verse in Matthew about mot one lot or
title" and said: "Not one tot or little.
Then he saw that he had erred and
tried again. "Not enc jilt or tottle,
sad he, and again stopped. But he
would not give up, and began. "Not
one tit or jottle," and then with o red
face he gave it up and went on with
his sermon, and there were not half
dozen of his hearers who could really
tell just what the two words were.
'TdAT'S 'Boulanger's March," said a
rustic proudly to the man at his elbow
as the country band struck up. Great
Ceasar!" replied the other in stage
whisper, "do the peop'e know it?" Il
s'pose so-some of them. Why?
"Why? Man alive, can you ask that
Is there no danger of a riot?" "Why,
certainly not" "Thank heaven!" lie
breathed fervently. "Then in this COM
munity [ shall even dare whistle Peek
a-Boo. '"-BinghdmtOn RepubE an.
"GENTLEMEN, said the Judge of ar
Arkansas court to the attorneys during
trial, 81 don't mind your shooting al
each other occasionally if the circum-
stances seem to justify it; but L see
that one of your bullets has hit al
overcoat belonging to the court and
broken a quart flask in the inside
pocket l wish it to be distinctly un'
derstood that if there is any more sucl
careless shooting in this court l'll lif
the scalp of the galoot that does it.
Now go ahead with the case"
AN OLD MANS SoLRow.
ALAS :" the old man sighed with Bonded head
What brilliant dreams Of fe have come ano
| Cd;
How hH l yearaol 70; famo, and DER and
DER
Spent sGeplcs5 nights in searching burning
| lore,
And now in weary age simply find
! olks say He is II man OF rilliant mind,
HIS deeply read in phiosophic b1ois,
And mathematics, with it, turn and crooks
To him is like n V lum" all uusoIlol
| 1t; pages opened and its truths revealed,
Tho books he writes are rad by learned men
Who wait impatient while he wieds his PEN
But ills, alas, no mule / a. for me
When great men on q cry hand | see.
Ga! why on kno Ledge did waste my all,
Instead of learning how to play baseball l!'
-MIycba1t irdreter
A Cure for Deai-IIeading.
Superintendent Morton, of the Unior
Railway Company, tells the following
| OF A\Nhan l Eret a. Al