The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-13
THREE YARNS FOR A PRIZE.
Whoppers Told at Blizzard Time in an
Ale House at Barnegat Bay.
From the Neto York Sun.

From the Netc York Sun.
A physician in Yonkers, who is also some
teing of politician, has a comfortable place
at Fork River, Barnegat Bay, which is open
the year round to his friends for sport or
recreation. The late blizzard caught some
of them down there unprovided with means
of indoor amusement. They were impris-
oned nearly week, during which time n
small ale house was their only change from
the solitude of the lodge. One day the
crowd was yawning i'll the ale house All
things had become chestnuts.
81 can tell you story about my dog
that's new, anyhow CAPPED Charles Parker.
Il can beat 1T for prize" said Ebenezer
De Witt
"You fellows don't know how to lie" put
in A. j. Prime. ut takes lawyer, | sell
dom lie myself, but if there's prize in it,
go ahead.n
Well, this dog, gentlemen" began Park
er, loftily, beat any rabbit dog tn It ever
lived. He was faster than the wind. Once,
on hot trail, he ran nose up against a
scythe which had been left blade upright in
a field. He was going alta terrible pace and
| knew what would happen; so | stopped
down by the scythe in preparation. Sure
enough, the blade parted him down the
middle, dividing even his tail in equal parts.
As the two parts tumbled over l clapped
them quickly together and bound them up
in hunting coat. He was going so fast
that the blood hadn't had time to spill, and
OF course the halves grew together But
somehow one-half had Topped over Just be-
fore Joined them, and when Jack got well
he had two legs on the ground and two
sticking up in the air. He was a curious
dog after that. When he barked half a
bark would come from the part of the
mouth that opened up and the other half
came from the part that opened down. This
defect annoyed him and he practiced to
remedy 1T. He got so after while that,
after choo chooing for a minute, like To-
connective getting under way, he could run
his half barks together into continuous
note like fog horn. | made money out of
him by hiring him out mornings to box
factory for steam whistle. The most Gu
rious thing, though, was TO see him eat.
cut his food into tiny pieces He would take
one morsel with the half of his mouth that
opened downward, and then turn a sort of
handspring sideways to his other legs, and
eat another morsel with his other half
mouth When real hungry he would turn
so fast he looked like 200-revolution fly-
wheel in motion. He never wagged Install.
The reason was that the muscular efforts at
wagging, being equally balanced on each
side, counteracted each other. He was
DeObtl OC& Uudu ever, IOT when ne
ran himself off one pair of legs he'd simply
turn side spring and go it on the other
pair. You couldn't tire him out. 1t was a
great blow to me when he died"
Mr.. Parker stroked his chin contemplate
lively and Ebenezer De Witt said slowly:
Your dog was truly wonderful, but he
can't compare with my rawhide traces.
bought them new in Jersey aud first IL sed
them to cart load of wood up half-miIe
HI 70 ! IL
as | 'Oaded the wood on the wagon and the
rawhide traces got thoroughly soaked
When all was ready | mounted one of the
horses and drove to the house When got
there found that the wagon hadn't budged.
The wet traces had stretched the whole half
mile Here was a bad fix and, as the sun
came out just then, | sat down TO think
about it. Then the sun got so hot went
indoors, leaving the horses standing.
'When | came out minute later the
horses were straining to keep from being
pulled down hill. Looking down saw nv
load of wood rumbling up the hill at Jolly
rate. was puzzled at first to understand
what was pulling them, but soon saw that
as the sun dried the traces they were con-
tracing at the same rate they had stretched
when wet, and as the horses held the ground
at the top of the hill the wagon had to come
up to the horses. l afterward formed a
company for lifting safes to tenth-story
windows Jay Gould put in the money and
| put in the traces. We both got rich. The
way | lost those traces was in trying to
sound the bottomless spring in Pennsylva-
MIA. We tied weight at one end and
dropped it in the spring. AS the weight
sank into the depths those traces spun out
~ 'o~- they became so fine a thread that
a butterfly CHANGING to fit against one eud
-Ip. short off.
Everybody cried chestnut" at the con-
clusion of this story. When the uproar
subsidized Al Prime began.
Gentlemen" he said, II have had no
thrilling experiences such as yours. But /
tested some gunpowder once that proved
rather remarkable | am something of a
sportsman, as you know, and fond of ex-
perimenting with new brands of powder
On this occasion | put in a fair charge of
the powder and plenty of shot, and blazed
away at a white target about hundred
feet away. When the smoke cleared |
didn't see a mark on the target This
seemed inconceivable for | fiatter myself
that can hit three-foot target walked
over and looked at it. Not scratch on it..
| filed pipe, lighted it and thought about
it. 1t wasn't possible | could have missed
so completely. Just then there was a little
humming in the air and a rafting on the
target. / looked down at it and found it
covered all over with shot. This was strange.
1t puzzled me- But at last the truth broke
upon me- l scratched my head and re-
marked TO myself:
'Great Scott, but that's slow powderm
The barkeeper gazed blankly at the crowd
from a corner. The tavern cat meowed
piteously and strove to squeeze out of a
broken window into the cold, cold storm.
During last Tuesdays election at Yonkers
Lawyer A. j. Prime wore at the polls blue
ribbon in his buttonhole. One end of it was
hidden in his pocket. To a few intimate
friends Lawyer Prime showed the hidden
end of the ribbon. On it hung brown
leather medal with a scarlet centre In
letters Of gold was engraved on it the motto
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES. ........................
BOSS LIAR.
He had won the prize.