Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-06-08
POINTS OF HUMOR.


accompany Nou2" Indignant female!
''Sir. do vou think for moment--'
Dude: Mo lhinN Good gwac Gus, do
l .ook rs ID could thinkP-.hocFiag
Btrd
lie: "Yes, Miss Ida. | am welded
TO m profession. She (wilh far
away expression and n sigh): "llow !
envy Your profession. linen they
both blush and change the subject
Fec : Sai.
Polite clerk: "Would you like to
see some nice ladies' WEAR Old lady
(from the country: Like to see
some nice ladies swear! No. nor hear
'em. either Nice ladies never swear.
sir. It's very unnice. '-IerS SY..
HgS.
Hedges has dned we'll and has offer.
eel his waiter 81. Waiter. in voice
that reaches the desk: No. sab; we
ant lowed fer ter tex no tees. sah. y
In voice which does not reach the
desk: ''Drap him ON the 10, boss. -
ut BITS.
Patrick Brady boasts that he has
worked in powder-mill over thirty
years. and has never been killed once.
Unless Patrck's reputation for We
racity ; N II critical condition his
statement is likely 80 be credited. -
Norrtstown Herald
This is very strange" remarked
Billy BIiven. thoughtfulll, after he had
tasted the contents of his butter dish I;
very strange indeed" What is
stranger That such delicatt, pale
butter should turn out 20 be so robust
Merchant TraUeier
Did your son take the valedctory
in college?" said gentleman to a lady
who was enthusiastically praising the
ability of her offspring. mo. indeed,
he didn't she replied with pride. He
didn't take anything. lie Is the health
lest boy you ever saw. y IIa>hiagtoH
Crtttc.
l. tile Pinkie wanted to 90 out to
play. Her ma said she thought it was
too cold. but she might 90 ont and see
When she got out in the air the cold
made her eyes water. upon which she
returned aud said: ii drs, il IL too
cold 1t makes my eyes sweat - Dos
ton CJ1trier
Dumley (who ha, been asked 10 carve
the duck and is meeting with poor sue
cess; Nv new Landlady: "Isn't the
/ knife sharp. Mr.. Dumley? | had It
ground to-day Dumic,: The I'm f.
is ali + CHI. Mr.. Hendricks; You ought
to have hal the duck ground - Hr-
per'S Ldz1r.
Mss Greatbrain (of BOSTON,: 80
Brother George has got married.
/ Omaha man: Yes; IL was AN eiope-
ment; that is why the fam Is were not
no tied - 81, his wife woman of IN
telleet?' No. nIeed pretty - a
/ picture and a sweet rs "A peach. -
Omutn World
lie Comte Castor d Orgue de Barbari
(appealing) Madame ia comte,~e,
How grand eet sound, ecs Get not?'
Miss Smith: Really, monsieur le
comte, prefer to remain plain Mis-,
+ Smith" lie Comte Castor, etc. :
plain Nee, Smeet! mile fois non,
LAY razzer ze beauteeful MeeS Smeet"'
/ She succumbs. - Tti- BITS.
81 am told that.you bought Quimby' 5
$40. 600 violin. Is it SOP Yes.
What was your idea in doing that?
You can't play. know | cant.
WIZ wv NOAi 'Ihf u w t4i.
you know. Quimby lives next door TO
me. What has that TO do with itP'
IL bought the violin 40 that he could
play no more. Lincoln J0HrHaL
A Provencal who was making
love to beautiful woman. find
Ing her ind ffcrent 10 his addresses.
said to her menacingy: III you 70.
fuse to love ms shall tell all. / know
what crime YOU have committed!'
"What do YOU mean2' exclaimed the
astonished woman. Il know that YOU
have assassinated n gazelle in order
TO steal its eyes" PasiS Gdu'oiS
Mrs. Penn: William. / read an
advert sement in one of the papers
stating that for 81 in stamps the adver.
tiser would send by return mail sure
Mr.. Penn: well? Mrs. Penn: Il
sent 81 in stamps, William and re-
ceved an answer" Mr.. Penn: what
was it?" Mrs. Penn: "Willam. the
cheat told me TO move. - RtUadeiphil
CalL
Rustic Individual: did you find tho
fishing good. IN ster? De Trouty
(opening basket: "rcn speckled
beauties" Rustic: Gosh! an they
summers? reckon they're worth
about 50 piece" De Trouty (mod.
esLly): Hardly rs much as that,
guess" Rustic: well. rs it hap.
pens as how the season doesn't open il
this ere state until the lst of May. and
as I'm constable of THIS ere town.
that's just what they cost. " TOM
TOPICS.