The pioneer express. [volume] (Pembina, Dakota [N.D.]) 1883-1928, 1888-06-01
Sleeping in Chufch.

Sleeping In Church.
From tho New York Sun. :.
doctors are consulted for strange
reasons sometimes" remarked q ply,
stefan the other day, "but seldom has
my professional aid been sought on
an odder ground than that presented
to me by an elderly gentleman who
offered himself for my treatment. He
wanted me to cure him of sleeping in
church. Personally, he averred, he
would rather prefer not to keep awake,
as he didn't think much ofthe preach
ing but his wife had made up her
mind that his slumbers were simply
scandalous,' and insisted that they
must be stopped. Shedid not care SO
much while he could sleep without
snoring, but he got IL catarrh. and
after that was u real bugle in Israel,
which she could not endure. Know
ing the value of domestic peace
and quiet, he naturally wished to do
as his wife desired, but the flesh
WAS weak, and he still slumbered in
the sanctuary. The happy thought
occurred to him of chewing tobacco
practice that he had abandoned for
years-to keep himself awake, but he
dropped asleep all the same, partly
swallowed his first quid, and for n few
minutes engrossed theattention ofthe
entire congregation by his wild, I'm
studied explosions and cavortings.
The memory OF the bright but shame
full season of unhallowed excitement
kept him wide awake one Sunday, but
the next lie began to be drowsy just
as soon as the preacher got agoing.
His mental struggle with somnolency
kept him just outside the edge OF q
good, comfortable sleep, but nodding
like u toy mandarin. One minute he
would nod forward, further and fur
ther, until he threatened to butt the
stylish hat OF the young woman in the
pew before him, and then would wake
with u guilty start. The next he would
nod backward more and more, until a
consciousness OF losing his balance
startled him up, and he would come
erect with achoking gurgle aud asnort
that almost made the preacher lose
the thread of his discourse. By his
wife's advice he tried caramels,
cloves. dried ginger, lemon peal, and
he could not remember what else,
but the only time that system was
u success was when she rang
in some cayenne pepper lozenges on
him. When allelse had failed she grim.
ly said she would undertake tine Job of
keeping him awake. And she did it
once. just as he was dropping off into
gentle doze and tuning up for a Ca
tarrhal ooligato, he fairly flew into the
air with u remark that was all that
could be desired in point of emphasis,
but the pious base OF which was sadly
misplaced. She had jubbcd q shawl
pin into his leg. One OF the deacons
came to see him during the week, and
said he thought that the provocation
might fairly be taken into account in
Judging the sinfulness OF words uttered
III such hast excitement. The deacon
suggested that he should try prayer to
keep him awake; but, OF course, he
didn't take much stock in that, and
came to me-"
"Well, what did you do for him?"
"About all that the least harmful
members OF my profession do i'll most
cascs--nothing told him he might
drink very strong tea or coffee before
going to church, and that would prob
ably keep him awake, but the tea
would play the deuce with his stomach
and nerves, and the coffee would be
likely to damage his liver, so he had
better leave them both alone. AS for
giving him drugs to keep his nervous
system under such tension that O dull
sermon could not make him sleepy, /
simply wouldn'tdoit. Then he wanted
TO know if there wasn't some nerve
that coud be irritated, by compression
or otherwise, so as to brace him up,
or some posture he might assume
that would prevent his becoming
drowsy. said yes to both ques-
tions. His wife's experiment with the
shawl pin had demonstrated that
nerve could be so irratated as to in
sure wakefulness, and for that treat
mcnt he could find the required nerve
pretty much anywhere that IL pin
could be got at him. AS for posture,
he conldn't 60 to sleep as long as he
would stand on tiptoe."
"Why is the tendency to sleep in
church so common, especially among
menu"
",Ihcre are several reasons. One is
the temperature. In winter the
church is, as a. rule, too warm, and
the effect OF n warm atmosphere upon
persons entering it from the outside
cold isto make them drowsy almost ir-
rcsistibly, unless they have some very
strong mental or physical interest or
stmulant to keep them wakeful. In
summer the great interior OF q church
is II restful, cool relief from the heat OF
the street, and q better temptation
to placid slumber could not be de.
sired. In both cases the soft, com.
Portable cushions with which our
modern pews are upholstered. and the
convenient foot rests provided, help
tt a sense of luxurious ease that finds
it's most perfect expression in sleep.
Then special means are afforded for
Morpheus to attack worshipers, both
by the ear and the eye. Allnoises of the
world outside are. as far as possible, ex-
cluded and he only sound that is heard
for IL long time is the preachers voice
W hhCaSul CN SttsSiiSCos iLtNs iuONuldO-
ed, lulling to sleep as inevitably as
does the soft sound OF ripping water,
or the pattering OF raindrops on the
roof. That monotonous flow of words
is more likely than perfect silence to
make IL person drowsy. have often
sat a forenoon through i'll % Quaker
meeting house when the spirit did not
move anybody to speak, and in the
whole time OF silence did not see one
person asleep or even modelling. That
is not because the Quakers are more
ievout than other people, but for
The simple reason that they did not
have anybody to talk them to sleep.
AS for the effect through the eyes,
there is first the DIM, religious light
common in churches, and second, the
straining and unnatural position in
which the eyes have to be kept in
looking up at a minister perch.
cd in q pulpit or on - plat
form considerably higher than the
heads OF his auditors. You cannot
long look up at anything without tir.
ing the muscles that move the eye
balls and making you want to rest
them by closing yourcyes. Whenyou