The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1888-09-01
HUMOROUS DRIFTWO0D
Headquarters-Ap pillow.
The lost cause-A dead crows.
Fancy work-Castles in the air.

The lost cause-A dead crows.
Fancy work-Castles in the air.
Forced politeness sowing to neces-
sity.
Hard thing to sharpen-the waters
edge,
| A singular fact-To day will be yes
terday tomorrow.
Even the bootblack says that his
business is frightening up.
Mrs, Parvenu says her new house has
all the modern conyeniences, even rheu.
matte tubes.
People call it putting Up" att an hotel
because there is 80 much that they have
to put up with.
There never was woman yet who
ever bought box of berries from a
hawker without calling from the win
dow. ''Are they good?'
Old lady, stopping open car: "Ye
DON'T allow no smokin' on this car, do
YEP" Conductor: Certainly, madam;
take one of the back seats"
| A parrot owned III a suburb of Chi
cago hangs out in front of it's owners
house. Whenever young lady and her
beau are passing it shouts, ''Papa
papa!'
| Mrs. De Society: "What a lovely baby
that is we just passed." Mrs. De Fash.
ion: Yes; it is NINE" "Indeed!''
"Oh, am sure of it, ] recognized the
nurse"
The western editor who spoke of a
fellow citizen as ''howling swell, )" and
the types got 1t bowling smell,' is
convalescent, but he will probably be a
cripple for life.
Yes" said venal politician, my
political party has thrown me over
board, because they say I've no infu-
ence; but I'll show 'em that I've
strength to swim to the other side"
Mrs. Park: Good gracious, Henry,
what am l to do? l can't 20 to the con-
cert tonight. Somebody has stolen
my bustle!" MIR. Parks indistinctly,
with his mouth full OF lather: s'Take
the bird cage
Ma" said baby at the supper table.
II know why this cake is called angel
cake.' do you?" replied his mother,
without much interest. Eyes; it's be-
cause it's made by an angel. That's
what pa told the cook"
II know I've got vein of poetry in
me, sir,' confidently asserted the young
man to the editor, ''and all I want is a
chance to bring it out. What would
you suggest. STRIP II think you had
better see a doctor and have it lanced."
Nov, JOHN" said his wife, as she
was about starting tor the country, 'sbe
very careful about drinking ice water"
MARIA" he responded. reassuringly
but unthinkingly, Il won't drink a
drop of water while you're gone"
at the seaside. DOROTHY: 'sBut,
Herman, can't answer you now. l.
I-giye me- time to think before I re-
ply" Herman, with raptu1ous passion:
Certainly, my own angel. But don't
make it too long, because it costs me
IS a day at this beastly hotel"
"Miss Clara, " he said, TREMENDOUSLY, IL
want to tell you-er-the old, old
story" and then for a. moment his
agitation got the better of him. "Go
on, George" said che girl, with shy en-
enlargement, "never mind if it is a
chestnut; perhaps I've never heard it
before"
Mamma: whats the matter, pre-
cious? Mabel, you naughty child,
what have you been doing to your poor
lite sister ~ Mabel, virtuously and de-
family: Nothing - Mamma: "You
have, know you have!'' Mabel: II
only told her she's got to die some day,
and she says she WON'T
1.-TWO souls with but a single thought
is rapturous enough sentiment in
love, but it takes on an element of
misery, to one soul at least, when the
girl is wrapped up in vision of beauti-
full present, and the young man is en-
crossed in perplexing speculations how
to raise the money to purchase it.
Mamma" said small boy the other
day, ''do little angels wear shoes and
stockings in the summer time?" mo,
my SON." 'Do they go barefoot 2"
Yes" And do they stay out after
sunset p IT presume SOL "Well,
don't the stars tickle their feet when
they twinkle 20 The fond mother was
Young hostess, to Mr. Oldboy. mil
ionaire: ''Will you have glass of
wine, Mr.. Oldboy?' MIR. OIdboy. a
rank Prohibjtionist: "Thank you,
madam, but never drink anything"