Waterbury evening Democrat., 1888-05-21

 the penitentiary. You have no money ahead, I Isuppose9
 '.Not a cent"
 q thought not. We have kept your salary small on purpose"
 "Ehp ...e... "You will be out of position and likely to starve when the bank breaksn Il know it."
 "Well, here's $2O, coo Take it and 20 to Canada. I'll announce that you have skipped with $22O O,000, but we'll take good care not to find you."-Omaha World.
 A Married Poets Song.
 The trees now teem with tiny buds,
 The wildwood wakes with birds;
 The air is filled with fresh soapsuds
 More eloquent than words
 The sounds of hammer, sew and ax.
 Which fill the atmosphere,
 The stovepipe, cold grub, carpet tacks-
 All prove that spring is hero.
 New York Journal
 Earning an Honest Living. "What are you doing for living nowa- daysY
 "Writing humorous poetry for the rmaea- zines"
 Humorous poetryf I didn't suppose you could write anything funny" 70. my stuff is fnnny enough for the mag azines."
 "Where do you get your inspirationfn y room overlooks graveyard."-Ne- braska State Journal There are people who hold themselves % high (And they're right, for they act as their in.
 stincts teach 'em) That If for year you should try and try, With ten foot pole, you never could reach lem. But show US prouder pair, if you can, A prouder pair in the whole creation, Than the leading lady and leading man Of village dramatic association.
 Boston Courier.
 A Disastrous Effect. Physician-How did the sedative powder affect your wife last night, Mir. Smitha MT. Snith-Disastrously.
 Physician-Disastrously Wasn't she able to sleep7
 MT. Smith -sleepa Why, the baby cried from midnight until morning, and she slept through it aul-New York Sun.
 Her All Too Solid Love. A St. Louis maid threw her loversa kiss,
 St. Louis kiss which they brag on. It hit the young man on the side of the head And knocked him cold of of the wagon. The coroner said it was hardly worth while
 To proceed to impanel jury, Since no man could stand being hit by kiss
 The size of the map of Missouri.
 Detroit Free Press.
 Didn't Care for It. EthelDid you go to Italya Harriet-Oh, my, yesl We stayed there Ethel-What did you think of the laz- zaroni2
 gHarriet-Oh, it's awful I tried some the first night was there, but it doesn't suit my taste at all-Life. His Literary Taste. The boy is but fortnight old And isn't much on letters. The babe rejects most scornfully R. Haggard and his betters
 He will not look at Henry James, At Stevenson he growis, But morning, noon, and eke at night, He's much engrossed with Howls New York Evening Sun. His Past Life. Miss Decollete (sarcasticany)-I like your way of introducing people, MT. Airbrake. MT. A.-What's the matter with its Miss D.-Why, you tumble the names up so can't understand any of them What l makes you do ita Mir. A.-Habit, Miss Decollete, habit, I assure you. I used to be brakeman on a passenger tTain.-Wa ashington Critic. They Go Together. When April sheds her tears, The garden sass" appears, And then around the market stalls we roam, roam, roam, Until choice we make, .aA Though, as rule, we take 1 Cucumbers and Jamaica ginger home, homo, home. Boston Courier. A Talented Writer.
 'tThere Is man." he said, "who you would scarcely think is making handsome income l by his pen" "I certainly would not, ? was the reply: s.he l looks anything but literary" sBut he does; he is a dime museum freak l and writes with his oes."-New York Sun.
 The Height of Selflsllness.
 An unpopular youth of Cologne,
 With a pain in his stomach did mogne, He heaved great sigh | And said, .I would digh | But the loss would be only my oene." Life.
 A Mutual Friend. Robinson-You know Dumley, don't you, l Brown?
 Brown-Oh, yes. Robinson-Well, an a man how does he strike you2
 Brown-Sometimes for five dollars and sometimes for ten.-New York Sun.
 Epitaph on 8 Coal Dealer. Beneath this sod there sleeps man, l Freed hap'ly from life's letter; Friends, kindly let us hope he's gone Where business will be better. Washington Critic. Spoiled Dog. Omaha Man-It's mystery to me how that dog you sold me was brought up. He won't eat anything but porterhouse steak and won't drink anything but beer. Where l did you get him2 .Dealer-I bought him of tramp Omaha l World. What Are the Wild Waves saying3 He hoated in at the wave of her hand And tenderly pressed his suit, l But all on a sudden he foated out On the wave of her fathers boot. l t..s-5v -Detrnit Eraa P~aas Dr. Muhlenberg, who wrote 'sI Would Not