The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1888-02-09
FUNNY NOTES.
A dead heat-Cremation.

n u6du INSTRUMENTATION
Catching the manipulating up the
end of a lady's dress.
A school of design is a mother and her
six manageable daughters.
When a red headed lady is cremated
nothing remains but handful of ashes
of roses.
Miss Lizzie Dollar was recently mar
ried to a southern gentleman. He says
he never wants to change her.
Brother paragraphers, how are we to
work over the goat into oleomargarinei
He'd never make false butter.
A Meridian man has Bible 142 years
old. Strange how long Bible may be
made to last by temperate usage.
A man was Boosting that he had an
elevator in his house. So he has ,chimed
his wife; and he keeps it in the cupboard
in bottle.
In these days of pedestrianism, this
isn't bad In the race for matrimouy, il
is not always the girl who covers the
most lips that wins.
How do you define black as your
hatT said a schoolmaster to one of his
pupils. Darkness that can be felt, re
piled the youthful wit.
A Chicago paper has this somewhat
incomprehensible paragraph: The yea
1888 is a good year to draw to-three o.
a kind and an ace.
Kansas school teacher: Where doe
our grain go to?
Into the hopper =
What hopper. ..
Grasshopper, triumphantly shouted I
scholar.
A little girl in church, after the con
tributlon plate had been passed, compla
Gently and audibly said: paid for four
mamma, was that right?
Mammn-Look Cissy, here is the doc
tor coming! What favorite he is! SCI
even the little chickens run to NEE
him
Cissy-Yes, ma; and the little duck
cry, quack, quack
A minister asked tipsy fellow, lean.
ing up against the fence. where he ex
pected to go to when he died. If l can
get along any better than | do now. h
said, shan't go anywhere.
Eccentric old lawyer to new footmal
Now then. Patrick. call me cab.
Pat, who thinks this is dodge to tr,
his sincerity-Gch, no, yer Honor; it
not mesilf thatll be calm ye names a
all.
1t makes young man feel very mucl
as If some things in the world were al
vain to sing, Come to my bosom, come
love- under window, and then happel
to see a sign To Let on the door.
How well he plays for one so young
said Mrs. Darlington. as the organ bo
and his monkey performed near tn
door; and how much his dear littl
brother in the calico dress looks like hin
to be sure.
A local paper says that Boston has
grocer so mean that he has been seen t
catch flies and hold them up by thei
hind legs aud look in the cracks of thei
feet to see if they have been stealing an
of his sugar.
Don't you wish you was big man
said one little nrchin to another.
K'rect, I do, I'm just dying to be BIZ
enough to git shaved, an have one O
BARRIERS powder me all over and SPUR
cologne juice at me.
A commercial editor, who was once
small boy, with mother who knew tn
value of slipper in cases of emergency
cannot to this day write about "a move
ment in leather, without hitching un
easily in his chair.
Old jackson is sure that goats ca
read, for he caught one the other morn
ing demolishing his Sunday hat. whic
had fallen out the window near fence
on which was painted in big letters
Chew Jackson's Best Plug,
Elder Slster-What did cook say whe
you told her that the children didn'
like the soup, Biddy?
Biddy-Sure, thin, and what'ud it b
but her snuff that dropped in, and sh
thought the childr' 'ud b'laYe it wa
piper