Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1888-12-03


The shades of night go about dewing
good.
A tree is like the man in hurry; when
he leaves he makes good use of his limbs
The fiZZical proportions OF soda foun-
tain are not to be measured by tape
line.
Nobody can paint spirit pictures equal
to the artist whose nom de plume is Jim
Jams.
If doctors were only as wise as they
looked there wouldn't be any sickness to
speak of.
A suitable inscription for the toper's
tOmbstone-On this earth he will never
smile again.
There is great of billing and cooling
done at the seaside. The hotel men do
the billing.
\ frog which depends on his brains in
stead of his legs would stand mighty
poor show in puddle near "A school-house.
Farming is one OF the best occupations
for Il young man. Even cabbage culture
will enable struggling youth to get
ahead.
Josh Billings said he'd rather be a wild
over once in two wears, regular, than be a
grunting. old hair-dyed bachelor for
ninety days.
4 Wisconsin man has IN lrrird his moth
- L., -,
the world than are raised in the pineries
of Wisconsin.
SMITH heard tw" splendid jokes yes
teaday. Lets hear them. j." Zone of them
won't do to repeat, and I've forgot what
the other was"
Brdget-And how shall | cut the pole,
mum? Lady of the house-Cut it into
quarters Bridget-And how many quar-
tiers wud l cut it into, mum?
little boy six years old, was sent to
school last week for the first time, and on
his return home asked his papa, "Who
taught the first man his letters"
s'Pity is akin to love" he said. "Ah,
yes she murmured, with flood of love
light in her eyes, Il am akin to be loved"
The ceremony came off in week.
Doctor-What you need is change of
climate? Why, doctor, we've had all kinds
of changes-rain, sunshine, heat, cold,
calm and storms-right here within a
week.
Young Wife-Before we were married,
George, you never smoked in my pres
ence. Young Husband know it, my
dear and you never wore curl papers in
mine.
Chicago gentleman has sued the
Times for 100000 damages on his char
acter. The Times asks him to knock off
the ciphers, take a dollar and call it
square.
II am on my way home, DOCTOR" said
citizen, who was after some free advice,
''and I'm tired and worn out. What
ought | to take?" Take cab" replied
the intelligent physician.
The Adams Express Company refuse
to carry live snakes, add when you re-
member how Adams express company
got into trouble with one of the reptiles
in Eden, we can not wonder at the refus-
al
81 washed Willie's pants t'udder day,
and dey shrunk so that the POI chile kin
badly walk in um. Won'er how l gwan
to fix up?' TRY washin de chile. May
be he shrink, too.
Lord Brougham, once when he was in
faceIioqs mood, being asked 10 define
lawyer, said "a lawyer is learned gem
tleman, who rescues your estatd from
your enemies, and keeps it himself"
NO" said the stranger at the restau-
rant as he looked at the cup of coffee
handed out to him; ''you can take it
back. l haven't the heart TO attack any
thing as weak as that. It's against my
principles"
HAS my husband been in here?" inquir-
ed a woman of a down town bar tender.
Hes tall, red complicated man, and
wears a SLOUGH hat" "A man answering
that description got a half pint bottle of
whiskey about ten minutes ago" "How
big bother" ''Half pint" "Some other
man. said the woman.