The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-20
BRIGHT BITS.

NINE TENTHs of the pianos now made are up
right pianos, but nine-tenths of the pianists at
large are downright nuisances.-BOston Budget.
THE man who is looking for something to do
rarely finds anything, but If he is willing to do
anything he can always find something. It'd
Bits.
LADY PATRON lat church festival(-Ah, Mr..
Bhtstick, how do you find the oysters?
MIR. Blitstick with his spoon in the plate(-
Um-erer haven't been able to find them at all
yet, madam.-Wdshtngton Critic.
EXAMINER Ito graduating medical student)-If
yon should make mistake and give patient
an overdose of tartar emetic, what would you
dor
Student-Try to buy up the Coroner.-C Chicago
Tribune.
BoBLEY-Who's that dried-up little fellow yon-
derY
Wiggins-Why that S Lord Shemiaphet. He
can trace his family back to the Conqueror
Bobley-No further? From his looks I'd
fancy 2lSy he could carry it back to the baooons.-
HIGH CHURCH RECTOR Gn New York; have
concluded to abandon the confessional.
Nestryman-Think it savorS too much of
Romey
mo, that isn't it; but no one ever comes to
confess except women, and can't waste three
hours every day listening to smuggling stories"
Omaha World.
AUNT DINAH-Ef wa yo', Pomp, I'd try git
job O. whitewaShin'.
Pompey-Yo jus understan', Missus Dinah
dat Use changed my perfesshun. Use done come
out as a labor reformer.
Aunt Dinah-Den all Use got ter say, Mister
Pompey, is dat it's mighty lucky dat owns
wash-tub.-Puck.
MISS WALDO of Boston-You have read Hag-
CARDS stories, of course, Mr.. Wabasht
Mr.. Wabash -Er-Haggard?
Miss Waldo-Yes; the great African writer.
Mr. Wabash-No | have not, but certainly
shall. It is wonderful Miss Waldo, the gigantic
strides that the colored race has made since the
terrible yoke of slavery was removed l-NetU
York Sun.
WIFE-Now John, tell me candidly why an
old baldheaded man like you should want to 90
to the show to-nighty
well, I'd like to see the ballet girls, if you
must know. But l can't imagine why you
should want to CO.
You can'tY Why. want to see the hand
some old gentlemen who occupy the front
seats. Lincoln Journal.
THE SPIRIT OF THE LAw.-Uncle Rastus Ito his
employer, a lawyer, )-Dey's er man watin' out
side de do, sab TO twenty-f Gems TO cahrin
in de COAL sab.
Lawyer--But Rastus, expected you to carry
in that coal
Uncle Rastus- sab; but yo' see, Mistah
Blank, was only hied to do de office wuk, an
] was 'fraid dat eff cahrid in de coal wouldn't
be legal, sah.-HdrDer's Bazar.
A SHAKEsPERIAN PA.-"Pa, who was it turned
the garden hose on Reginald when he was sere-
nading me?"
at was !, daughter"
and why, prayY"
Because Shakespeare advises il. He says
IF music be the food of love, play on and
assuming Reginald's brand of music to be the
food of love, played on-played on him with
the hose and a dilution Of insect powder. -
YOhkers Gazette.
A SMALL BOY is rather slow in committing
prayers to memory, and requires good deal of
prompting. The other night he began his regu
lar prayer in his regular way 'NOw-I-ay-
me'-and there he stuck fast. ''Down''-sad
l iI ~ p;t araat tommy
Down came a blackbird and nipped off her
nose" H0c fdbulG dOcet that the preference
of the present generation for secular over
sacred literature begins at an early age.-BoS-
ton Transcript.