News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-04-26


ChOkin' some, must admit,
Tremblin' some don't deny
| Emmy, seems don't suit,
Guess l better say good by
An quit foolin.
Girls is queer She only laughed
Cheeks all dimplin: John, says she,
''Foolin' men that never gets
Real in earnest, amt for me-"
Want that cute? 1 took the hint,
An chair, an staid, an We
Quit our foolin
Judge.
HER AGE.
Being asked to state her birthplace
and when she was born, the witness, an
actress, answered.: England, / was
born on date which 1 was too young
to know. I am old enough to testify. -
| Chicago Nescs.
CHILD's MISTAKE.
| Aunt Jane (who paints)-Ha, Tommy!
L wonder what makes your cheeks look
fresher than mine?
Little Tommy-I s'pose it's cause
! haven't worn 'em so long.-Judge.
! LOST ON HER.
Obliging Guest Ito friend)-By Jove,
my little attentions have completely
! mashed her! Isn't she charmingl
! She Ito her friend)-He's the most
/ obliging and best bred waiter 1 ever
! saw.
! REVENGE IS SWEET.
"Mother," said Miss Clara, edo you
think Bobby ought to lounge in that
! handsome chair Z"
Certainly not, Bobby" said his
mother, reprovingly, ''you might break
| it,
eff it's strong enough to hold Clara
and Mr.. Featherly," argued Bobby, as
he slowly slid down, sit ought to be
! strong enough to hold LITTLE boy"
THE EDITORS WEARY SON.
Editors Wife.-Well, what do you
look SO happy about?
Editor-Three subscribers paid up to-
day. And, my son, why do you look SO
miserable2
81 see will have to saw wood every
evening for month"
CONSCIENCE.
Tramp-Here's pie stole off yer
windy, mum. l want to bring it back.
Housekeeper-Well, I'm glad you've
got some conscience.
Tramp-Yes'm. I'm tough, but I
don't dare to eat strange mince pie
Jaldge.
"Do you think, Miss Ethel" he in
quired, TREMENDOUSLY, "that I could see
your father this evening ?"
81 hardly think so, Mr.. Lastyn," she
replied, with soft and not unbecoming
blush. Papa is in the library with Mr.
Getthere and 1 expect he will need me,
roo in n few minutes. But I am sure
that any other evening papa would be
more than happy to have you call on
him. He is always pleased when young
people show him attention. Puck.
SPELL.
"Well, how is this, my dear Sir" in
uuired the local practitioner; "you sent |
me a letter stating that you hdd been |
attacked by smallpox and find you
suffering from rheumatism.
"Well, you see, doctor, it's like this,
said the patient; "there wasn't soul in
the house who could spell rheumatism.
Bangor C0mmercia@.
ToNsoRIAn LOGIC.
In the BARRIERS chair:
Young Gent-Mighty straight hair
I've got?
Old Barber--Yes, sir.
Young Gent--What will make it curl?
Old Barber-Got any money!
Young Gent-No.
Old Barber-Got a sweetheart
Young Gent-Yes.
Old Barber-She got any?
Young Gent-NO.
Old Barber-Want to know what will
make your hair curl2
Young Gent-Yes.
Old Barber-Get married!
NOW THEY DO NOT SPEAK.
"NIiss Laura" said young man,
smilingiy, 'may a>kyou why you have
that string tied around your fnger?"
"That stringl" said the lovely girl,
rousing herself and removing it. "Why,
l put it on my finger to remind me that
YOU were coming this evening. l have
shocking poor memory, Mr.. Van Per
kins-What are you going already2
] am so sorry!"-- Chicago Tribune.
PRACTISING.
First Omaha Man-Yon seem to feel
very jolly, John.
Second Omaha Mainline as silk;
took a lot of good healthy exercise to-
day; made me feel like a new man.
Exercising this weather."
"Oh, I wasn't out doors. / was in the
house. tacking down carpets, putting
up stoves, fitting window shades and SO
on"
''Eh For your wife!
'I'm not married yet. but I'm going
to be. "-OmdhG World.
A CONDENSED MILK COW.
''The COW that gives condensed milk,
I suppose you have one on the place,
Farmer Robinson inquired his fair
city visitor.
"WeII, no. Ye see, 1 sold her last
year because she would put her foot in ,
the can. ."-Harg0rd Post.
STEALING.
Ike Jackson, q Crosby County CTexas) '
man. was tried on the charge of having
stolen some clothes from line and
acquitted. When he was told he could
90 he bowed gracefully and said: I
"Much erbliged ter yer, an gibs yer '
NV word OBJ honor 1 will be more keerful f
in de future. /
"About stealing clothing2" r
"No; about gittin ketched."
HIS FIRST VISIT.
Squire Oatcake (of Podunk)-See !;
h ere, don't think you hotel folks are
treatin' me half right.
Hotel Clerk--Why, what's the matter '
nowl :
Oatcake-Didnt 1 sign my name
good an big on your register when 1 :
came here2
Clerk-Yes. G
Oatcake-An' didn't tell We was
Justice o the peace in Wayback County? $
Clerk-Yes. I
Oatcake-Then why in thunder haven
some O. your New York papers said C
about my comm We allus
10 that when your folks come to our
PROFICIENT. u
Teacher grammar class)-Tommy, o
you may parse college" -
Tommy--Com'n noun, third pers'n,
feminine gend-
Teacher-Feminine gender? a
Tommy-Yes'm; I'm parsin' Vassar "
Iollege. Il