The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-11-22
WIT AND HUMOR.

Notwithstanding the discussion now
going on to decide if marriage is fail
/ nre, the brakemen go right on coup
ling.-Tonkers Statesman.
Ethel-O. papa. did you see the new
/ parlor lamp Aunt Julia sent me? It's
the latest thing out. Papa-it will be
Sunday nights, any way.-Ierre Haats
Express.
Things do not always follow as q
matter of course. A man who makes
puns is not a pundit; neither is one
who plays in band bandit.-Rhs-
burg GtrOHicle
In society circles: Lady-John, show
this gentleman the door. Cent beg
your pardon, madam. 1 am not tho
English Minister. 1 can find my way
out. Washington Post.
Young wife-Before we were mar
ried. George. you never smoked in my
presence. Young husband-I know it,
my dear, and you never wore curl
papers in mine.-Ye1as Sittings.
Mind-reading is not such a queer
thing after all. The average wife can
read her husbands thoughts when she
asks him for the money to settle that
last bonnet bill.-Detroit Free Press.
Mr.. Willbe-Have You heard. that
new Wedding March by SullivanP Miss
Stalker (hurriedly)-No; but should
like to ever so much, although think
1T slightly Sacrilegious to play it out of
ehurch.-ITne.
Mrs. Jason-Jehiel. was there ever
any such person as the foolkilIer2 Mr..
Jason-What idiotic questions you do
ask. How the dickens do / knoWa 1
never met him. Mrs. Jason-O, know
that.-Terre Hdute Express
About as useless thing as there ia
in this world is the word 'sobey' ia
the marriage service. The bad wives
won't obey, and the good ones never
give their husbands occasion to COM
mand them.-Marthd's Viuey'd Hearid.,
Ethel-Mamma, is it proper for me
TO sign my letter your obedient SER
vant?" Mamma-''It would be in
England. child, but here in America
the obedient servant is merely a myth
and Il memory. ."-Terre Haute Erpress.
The Rev. Mr.. Pounds-And l hope
little Hadwin liked my sermon, toos
Little Hadwin-One part of it was boss.
that? Little Hadwin-Where you
w.
Time.
Awise man is fit company for him
self. A fool is not He must go into
society and have his conduct marked
out for him to run in grooves. He can
do just as the other fellows do, and his
idiocy is not tcOnspicious.-Nes0 Orleans
PtcGyu'se.
Young poet (to friend)-s.Tom, now
you have read the manuscript of verses,
can't you suggest some good nom de
plume before 1 send it away?" Tom
(yawning)-'.I think o. P. Yates
would fill the bill exactly. y."-Terre
Hdute ErpreSs.
Magazine editor-Seems to me your
contribution on the subject"Is Marriage
Failure?" does not take decided
ground either way. Trusted con-
tribator-Well,u ,um-er-the fact is, sir,
L haven't been married long. .-PaiLa-
detphiq Record.
Teacher-Annie,h haven't 1 said re-
peatedly that the scholars mustn't chew
gum in school? What is that in your
mouth? Annie-Tooty-frooty. Teacher
Whats tooty-frOoty, I'd like TO knowe
,Anua-one cent, ma am, or six for five.
Springfield Union.
Brown-Where's Robinson. DumIeye
He was to meet us here and we were
to take in the ball game together.
Dumley-He told me one of his wife's
| relations died yesterday and the funeral
takes place at l O'Clock TODAY. He
said be would see US ON the grand
stand.-1Dae.
First tramp-Well. Jerry, how are
they comm? Second tramp-Purty
rocky, Bill, purity rocky. But l was
| worth $4,000 for about six hours last
week. First tramp-How was that
Jerryp Second Tramp-Couple of jay
! constables thought l was Tascott-
Terre Haute EGpress.
81 tell you Hyde is as reliable a man
as you can find anywhere" WHAT
Jim Hyde a reliable manP Why. he Is
noted for never telling the truth" ;" ITO
be sure; that's the reason you can al
ways depend upon him; if he tells you
a thing you know 1t isn't so."-Shoe
and Leather Reporter.
Hostier-''What's Liveryman so cut
up aboutP Coachman-That telephone
message about Fairy Bell falling and
breaking her neck. Hostler-Great
C@saRi 1t wasn't the horses neck. It
was the mans. Coachman-Gs- and
tell him, quick. What a great relief it
will be to him. Cartoon.
go, mar cried little Lii, bursting
j into tears, johnnie took five cents
out of my bank What made you
take your sisters five cents, you
naughty boy?,,, said Mrs. Brown to her
young hopeful. Because" replied
i little johnny, Il couldn' get the quarter
out. '''-Nee0'Kork Sun. -
Ned@saS, Jack, can you pay that
$10:yon Borrowed of me,a week ago.
Jack Gefectively)-Ten dollarsP-a
week ago?-O, yes-no; can't do it.
minute. Gam you lend me SO? Jack
Why m-m-ceFtainly, old'man, cer-
tainIy. Glad to accommodate you'll
Time.
Tramp-Could. you give bite to q.
poor man who hasn't eaten anything
for Lady of the house shouting
.T. Qoftily)-You are calling your
dog; madam. ! want you to under
stand that don't eat dog. I'm no
Indian And he stole away in silent
dignity. Courier.
! Yankee -houSekeepeT-H w nat this
paper; my dear? Accomplished
Slaughter-My last diploma. | have
just graduated from the culinary de-
partment of the Bangup Seminary.
Very we'll, my dear. Now put the
paper away, change your dress, come
into the kitchen, and I'll teach you
how to cook. Philadelphia Record
Time softens all thugs, my boy. If
Won don't believe it, go down into the
? cellar some time next March and stick
your hand into the barrel of cabbages
you put away last week. Even so. the
lapse of q few weeks, or months, or
+ years may soften your heart and head.
and your troubles will lie upon you as
lightly as witness in a libel suit
Btsrdette.
} Titled foreigner-''I have called. sir.
| to obtain your permission to address
your daughter" American Pa-.Eh!
| \ l. a rlNf