Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-03-29
THE AUTOGRAPH ALBUM.
My Great Plan, and Why Finally
Abandoned It.

Unjust be an eminent man, or peo-
pie would not write me SO many let
tiers. tell me all their private affairs,
ask for large loans without security,
to be faithfully repaid in few weeks.
and beseech my interest for Charles
and Mary. who are young and gifted,
and need only an opportunity to
astonish the world. Above all, they
would not flood me with autograph
albums, in which l am expected to
sentiment When this popularity
was fresh, l used to take some pleasure
in signing my name to honeyed phrases
from the poets. l besought Heaven to
rain sweet odOrs on ladies had never
seen. and l assured gentlemen with
whom had not the slightest acquaint-
ance that wore them in my heart of
hearts. The result was that the
albums came in shoals by every post.
Some of them were small. and got mis-
laid. Others were large. and demand
ed an impossible physical effort to re-
turn them. Many were without the
names and addresses of the owners,
and these. of course. were accom-
panied by notes. which / straightwav
lost. requesting the utmost prompti-
tude of compliance. In few DAYS
came indignant missives expressing
surprise that any one calling himself
gentleman could treat with silent
neglect volume which contained the
autographs of people SO much more
eminent than himself. Then there was
a touch of sorrowful circumstances.
'.Is it possible that you refuse to grant
so simple request from delicate girl
who has to spend the winter in Flori-
Ga, far from her friends, and has
nothing to console her but the sigma
lures of the distinguished people she
adnires?" What earthly comfort
there could be in my grabbed and il
iegible hand to an invalid in Florida !
never could imagine. Then there was
a pleasant intimation that some noted
riva! of mine had sent his autograph
with alacrity. thus showing his intel
lectual and moral superiority to me.
Worse than this was an encounter in o
street-car with a lady who said: II
think YOU are the celebrated Mr.. Fitz-
phosphorus" Madam" said. ..you
are mistaken" She gave me freez-
ing look. and next day l had letter
declaring that the writer knew at last
why her book had not been returned.
for man who could lie so unblush-
ingly would probably steal.
Up to this time l had borne these
affections with exemplary weakness.
! took it for granted that when a man
is famous he becomes the lawful prey
OF people who think that as they have
made his reputation. the least he can
do for them is to sit signing auto
graph albums all day. The popular
formula, leveled at him like a pistol,
seems to be something like this: I'VE
buy your books. or your pictures. we
pay to see yon act or hear you sing.
or watch your gambols on the flying
trapeze. therefore your eminence and
your fortune are due to us ana we
demand that you shall chain yourself
to the autographs pen like the galley
slave to the oar. TEere is nothing in
Your handwriting that IS essentially
beautiful or virtuous. but it pleases us
to have your sign-manual in our books
Is a proof of your bondage to those
who made you" For long time l
accepted this decree IS the penalty Of
success, but tho lady Of the street-car
reused me to revolt. .'It is my mis-
fortune to be eminent !" ! said - my