The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-07-03
THE NEW FIRST READER.
Lessons Not Designed for Children,
But Adapted for The Delectation of

Lessons Not Designed for Children,
But Adapted for The Dedication of
Elders.
From the Detroit Free Press.
Lesson I-"Do you see the machine:"
eyes, see it; it is q strange thing. What is
it fora brickyard?"
ooh, no; it is called suffer"
'To stuff sausages'
mo; to stuff school children. Come and
examine it. You put child from 10
to ID years of age into this end, and
into the other you place thirteen exam
Dles in fractions, three pages of history,
two of grammar three Of orthography, an
hour Of writing and a yard of algebra, and then
all is ready to loosen this spring. and the child
is duly stuffed"
1T must be very nice"
1T is. The schooling of the average pupil
can be shortened up several years by this pro
cess, much to the honor and credit of the
teacher
But don't children die under the stufingf''
Lots of them, but it is laid to a too active
brain"
Are there many suffers in use?'
There is an average of one to every school in
town, and some have two. You may now run
up and down four pairs of stairs to expand your
lungs"
Lesson H.-"What has Charles foundg'
1T is a humble bee"
Does he know what it is?"
He does not, He is too young and unsophis
ticated for that He thinks it is a WATERBURY,
watch which some millionaire has had the mis-
fortune to lose"
And he viii try to wind the watch up?'
"IIe will. Let us move on. 1t promises to be
a narrowing scene, and we had best be as far
away as possible"
Lesson III-"Do you see the MANI"
Yes, see him. He is swinging in a hammock
under the trees. He must be rich to take his
ease while other men work. How many millions
is he worthg'
He will never have the tenth part offs million
cents"
But he is not at work -
ooh, yes, he is. He is a sidewalk inspector for
the city, and is now putting in time"
Can he inspect sidewalks while lying in a
| hammock"
He can. He was selected on account Of his
| great brain power TO do such things"
viii ever know enough TO become side
walk Inspector
| 1t is barely possible and much depends on
| your making yourself solid with certain city
! officials. By commencing at your tender age
| to develop into ward striker you may in time
get there, although the fedi' always Grove ed
| Lesson IN.--Ah, here comes poor old man
| leaning heavily on the cane. You may give him
| a penny if you wish
1T is sad to see one so old and poor. Do you
| know himE"
81 do His name is Gonecoon."
''Thatis funny name. Why is he so poor?'
| Because he lost his job. He used to be the
I city gas Inspector"
And did he live in a hammock and inspect
gas?'
Some Of the time, but his favorite method
was to sit in a saloon with his feet on beer
1 table"
Was the gas all right?"
| "Oh, yes. No one ever heard OF the gas in
| spector finding anything wrong with the gas.
| The gas was all right, and so was the in
! spectOrn
| Then why did they bounce him?"
at was the work of the newspapers. They
were jealous of the great brain power it took
to hold a saloon chair down and draw $1,000 a
| year. The aldermen held his place for him for
several years, but at last the public kicked so
hard he had to GO"
And didn't he find another iob?"
NO my son. 1t broke his heart in two, and
he gave up all hope after that"