Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1888-01-23

''Pendulums" is new term applied to
people who are ''always on the co.
The axiom that cheat expands and cold
contracts" does not apply to coal dealers
bills.
Men who cover themselves with glory
sometimes find that they are, after all,
very thinly clad.
The declination of the Plymouth church
call by an English preacher shows that
the Berry market has advanced
care there no statesmen left?" asks a
politician. Yes, sir, good many. There
are dozens of them left at every election.
If President Carnot doesn't succeed in
governing France, it won't be much trou-
BILE for him to change his name to Cannot.
She-My dear, why do they put corks
on horses feet? He-Same reason that
they put corks in bottles. They act as
shoppers.
Proud father: 81 believe, my dear, that
that baby knows as much as 1 do" Moth
er gazing at the infanO Eyes, poor lit
tie fellow"
The brain of an elephant is somewhat
larger than that of a man, but the trunk
of an elephant is considerably smaller
than that of woman.
Fashion papers state that the dudes
collar is steadily getting higher. Good
for the collar! Let it continue to rise till
it hides tho duda,c aars
South Carolina paper tells of farm
er in that state who has been at the plow
for sixty-eight years. 1t is time to call
the old man to dinner.
Boston Railroad President-Whatr rail-
road in North America has the most
sleepersl Applicant for Clerkship-The
S'nora, sir, L suppose.
''How did you begin life?" the young
man asked the great man. Il didn't be-
gin it," truthfully answered the great man );
lit was here when 1 got here"
II tell you, Susan, that | will commit
suicide if you won't have me-" s'Well,
Thomas, as soon as you have given me
that proof of your affection, l will believe
that you love me-"
Il tell you what it is, Gus: Aramintas
father can't appreciate us. He has no
soul" ''Oh, he HASN'T eh? Well, if you
had been in my place last night, you'd
have thought he was all SOLE
bilious Canadian who has been visit
ing New York says in his home paper: :
You can't see a single fnancier in the
city of New York; the half of them are
in Jail, and the other half in Canada
farmer near Middletown has an ami
NAL said to be formed like pig, but
which has the horns and wool of sheep.
A wag would probably call the monstrosi-
ty e-pig ram, but we believe it to be a lie.
Jones (meeting Smith with whom he
was out the night before)-Ha, me boy
Get home all right? Smith (gloomily)-
Yes, but my wife wouldn't speak to me.
Jones (enviously)- fellow Mine
| did.
| Matter-of-fact mother (to fashionable
daughter who is going out)-Clara, ]
think your hustle is altogether too large
to look well. Fashionable daughter
know, mamma; but you have no idea how
slippery the sidewalks are.
Mamie &C years old, to GALLERY Mamma
said to ask you to sit down few mo-
ments, and she would be right in. 1t isn't
raining, is it?" Lady Caller-'sWhy no
Mamie. Why did you think it was
Mamie-Because, when mamma saw yor
coming, she said, it never rains but pours
1t sounds comical to hear an ordinary
congregation singing, .'Jesus, my eros:
have taken, all to leave and follow Thee.
Think of woman with silk gown OF
and stuffed bird in her hat standing VI
and singing, '.Naked, poor, despised, for
saken, Thou from hence my all shall be.
CONSUMPTION CURED.