Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1888-12-24

Although not laxative at ALL the oyster
is very pleasant companion for dinner
There is room for everybody in this big
world. Friction comes from the fact that
too many want the front room.
Foggs-Just look at that absurd hat
It's as tall as steeple. Boggs-What's
odd about that? Isn't there belle under
it?
''Tve often heard men say, said an old
lady, ''that they have been struck with an
idea, but never could see where it hit
EN-"
If it were the fashion for men to wear
bustles they wouldn't know how to sit
down. Another evidence of woman's SUI
periority.
No more the sun our faces fries,
No more mop the brow,
And best of all there flies
On any of US now.
You may break, you may shatter the
''vase," if you will; but the various ways
of pronouncing it, according to locality,
will cling round it still
''Papa, what is a fancy dress ball?'
ga fancy dress ball, my son, is usually
one where most of the clothes of the
dancers exist merely in the fancy
Country minister-Little boy, what will
your father say to your fishing Sunday?
Little boy-If you kin wait a minnit he'll
tell you. He's jest gone to dig more bait.
''Im so sorry you split the ink" said
the poets wife. "Has it gone over your
poem?'' ''No, confound it," returned the
poet sadly, cit went over my postage
stamps"
A little girl joyfully assured her mother
the other day that she had found out
where they made horses. She had seen a
man finishing one. He was mailing on his
last foot.
On summers morning, our little Lille
was walking with her aunt, and discover
ed a spiders web. She was delighted, and
exclaimed "Oh, see! here is hammock
for bugs!''
Young wife Cat a babylon are i'm
proving wonderfully as dancer. Don't
you remember how you used to tear my
dresses? Young husband-Yes; 1 wasn't
buying 'em then.
Sweet girl-Mercy! It's ten o'clock
Has time ever passed so quickly with you
as it does now? Devoted lover Ga travel
ing salesman) Never, except at a rail-
road dining station.
New boarder-Where is the knife with
HrS HoSborOft (loftiIuN Wa
never furnish a knife with pie here, Mr..
Billings. New boarder (unabashed)-
Well, gimme the AK, then.
81 can't imagine how you can dislike
work; to me, it's real enjoyment said
the father to his lazy son. eyes, pa" was
the guileless response, ''but don't want
to give myself wholly up to pleasure"
Observation-Disclosures doesn't seem to be
stuff enough here to make a train three
yards long. Society belle-Dear me, how
much more is needed? Dressmaker-
About half yard. Believed, take it
off the neck.
Mr.. R de Pell with asperity)-The pro-
prietor wants to know who 1 am? I'm
de Pel. Waiter-Well, yo' oughtn't ter
git mad at me, sab; 1 hadn't muffin ter do
wifi given yo' dat name.
Citizen Ito strangely ''You seem to
to be in trouble, friend; noticed tears
in your eyes" Stranger: ITS nothing Sc
rious, sir. have case to plead in court
tomorrow, and I'm practicing Oh my
speech before the jury.
Judkins with apparent carelessness)
BY the way, Feebil, you're lawyer; what
would you do if a fellow was to refuse to
pay for q bill of goods? Feebil (dryly) : /
would see lawyer, give him retainer,
and state my case.
Miss Wideawake Ito young agricultur-
ist from Vermont)-I fancy, Mr.. Sidehill,
that you are very fond of husbandry!
Mr.. Sidehill with an unutterable express
sion) / s'pose ] would be, Miss Wide
awake, if could find the right kind of
gal.
An old darkey of Charleston, who was
fully impressed with the Importance of
the exigency when, between the shocks
of the earthquake in that city he prayed
go Lord, come down here now yerself,
and doan send any of yer family, kase dis
amt no boys play:
Sound Legal Opinion.
E. cambridge Munday Esq County Atty, Clay I
Co., Tex, says: "Have used Electric Bitters with /
lam