Emmons County record. [volume] (Williamsport, D.T. [i.e. N.D.]) 1884-current, 1888-05-04
Troubles Of u Diversified Farmer.

Troubles Of u Diversified Farmer.
We have had more trouble. But, as
there is no itallc in the RECORD office, We
can hardly give proper expression of our
feelings in the matter. In carrying out
the theory of diversified farming, in an un-
lucky hour we became proprietor of Il
wild and untamed thomas pig. The other
day, in the interest of economy, we gave
him his liberty that lie might rustic grass
roots and wind, and thus board himself
First break he made was toward Doc
Roop's trce-clalm to sample his walnuts.
But we headed him off, and put him back
in the stable. Then he rooted manure up
to q window, climbed out and went TO
town. II was on the day the Democratic
convention met. The devil hitched up
the team and went after him. The whole
population of the metropolis (two men
and a dog) turned out to assist and strove
manfully and dogfully for his capture
But twas all IN vain, and the devil re-
turned sorrowful and angry. We were
soon after informed by the indignant
citizens Of Billsport that ''if you don't
come after that pig we'll stop the paper
and sue you for breach of promiso--to
take him away" We took the wagon
and went to town. This time, through
the medium of soothing language, STRAIT
agem low cunnin' and an ear of corn, we
captured him, put foetcuffs on him, and
rot tllrn homo fri, ,rl, h,
and anon sounding notes of victory on Il
tin whistle. Put him in the stable and
nailed up the window put strap around
| his starboard bow leg and made fast rope
thereto. That night he ate the strap,
climbed up a step ladder in the corner
rooted a hole through the sod roof, and
escaped. Next morning the devil went
out; but soon after he rushed in and ex-
claimed, "Jcwhillikcns--the plgv But
that isn't the pigs name the pigs name
is Grover. A few days afterward we
heard our property was at the Conner
ranch, half mile away. so next morn.
ing the devil and the editor ate hearty
breakfast, put up bundle OF lunch and
started out. We found hlm with the
other pigs. At first he acted cool and
gentle, and looked as unconcerned as
though he didn't know tho desperate ma
ture of our errand. The villain was seek
lug to hoodwink US into the belief that
he was one Of Connor's pigs. But" as
the popular rhyme has 1t, "ah, we knew
a thing or two," and, with all the decis-
Ion and tirmness of Bismarck police.
man, we made him arise and move on.
After much manGuverlng he IS now at
the stable door. Aha be enters. Not
much. He jumps on manure pile,
springs up two feet to the stable roof, hops
down en- the further side, and trots leis
urely away toward Cennor's. Then said
the devil, "Get the shotgun and shoot
some shot at him easy; mebbe he'll get
skeered and run in the stable. But don't
get close enough to make holes in his
hide. Hide won't bring so much with
farm paper about branding injurlng beef
hides, Shot at pig, and killed seed roos-
ter. Shot again at pig; pig squealed
and actually flew, but in the wrong d.
rection: Devil was angry; said, 'sKiil
um. Put in buckshot; we need fresh
meat, any way" Loaded up with big
shot and started to make sneak on pig
this time to murder. "Hello, there
what ye doin'?' It was the voice of ar
| otber dlversihed farmer hoofng it along
nnrt rns highway way "w. Just goiog to xii! some
Yes why not?" That isn't the righ,
kind of pig for pork. Trade him for a
blllygeat and kill the goat; it'll make
better catin'." Then tear stood in the
devils eye. Never mind" said he
"corned beef's bettcr'n pork. Come
home" SO he took us by the hand and
led US gently away. Have we got the
pigf' you ask. Not that we know Of,
He's still at the Counor farm, and he
likely have to stay there until we send
down to Beaver Creek and borrow Ben
Cerbin's glllnet The pigs 4 blooded
one, too-thrse quarters Plymouth Rock
and three-quarters Holstein- Freisan {six
quarters in all, away above the average
and we'd hate to be permanently deprived
OF his society. If, prodlgal like. lie will
return, we'll freely forgive him and let
the dead past bury its dead.
And now, kind reader, will you pause
for an instant and shed sympathetic
tear or two DER the manifold sorrows and
mult'tud'nous woes of diversified farme,
who attempts to run a newspaper2