Smyrna times., 1888-07-18

The Jerseyite would be happy if his
shoes would only remain as black as
they're painted.-Puck.
Time flies and waits for no man.
The only fellow who can beat it is the
musician.-IduntOn Gazette.
Bill Nye speaks of a Western farm as
being so poor that not even a disturb
ance could be raised upon it.
There is two things that woman
will always jump at-a conclusion and
a mOuse.-BurLington Free Press.
Allen G. Thurman was born Novem-
Der 18th, 1918. There are 13 letters in
his name, Is in the red bandana,"
and therefore he will 13ly be elected if
figures don't Washington Critic.
A Mississippi woman fell into mill
dam, and when she was rescued a ten
pound catfish was entangled in her
wire hustle. Her husband wanted to
set her again, but she would not con-
| sent.-NOrristOWn Herald.
Charles A. Pitcher, teller of the I'm
ion Bank, of Providence, r. l., has
absconded with a large amount of
money. The bank directors would
now pay high for a catcher for their
Pitcher.-THe World.
Wife proudly: 81 made this pound
cake myself, John; what do you think
of it?" Husband critically: "Well,
my dear, think it will run fully six
teen ounces to the pound. d."-Haper's
Bdzdr.
"And are you the captains hoy ?"
asked the old lady on deck "Y esum, :"
ne replied, bravely. Well, you don't
look like him at all, +" She said, and l
never would have believed it, Ocean,
Heidelimper: "Vod's the madder
nit mein little sohn?" Davey: Abe
Levy knocked Won ohf mrin toOts
Oud ~ Heidelimper: "Py chin You
vos always lucgky! You gets toot
oud mitoud payin' holdings. it'd
Bits.
The new electric style Of hanging
will possess this beauty: Stranger Ito
lady in mourning): Il infer, madam,
that you have recently lost husband d"
Widow sadly: e" All yes. sir, my poor
husband was struck by lightning ~
Epoch
I've bawled my throat sore yeliin'
fer those oysters" said an angry Gus
toner in a restaurant. What's the
matter?" Orders ahead, sah," ex-
planned the waiter. "Yo'l fin dem
raw oysters very soothin', sab, fo' sore
throat."-Lite.
Old Lady. s'I hone sonny that a
nice-looking little hoy like you had
nothing to do with tying the kettle to
that poor little dogs tail ?" Sonny
mo, indeed. | did not. ma'am; but
(rapturously) didn't he git over the
groun' fast v'-Epoch.
Madam" said the landlady. "when
you engaged your room this morning.
you said you had no children" u
haven't" j" replied madam. There is q
little girl crying on the floor above. l.
she not yours ?" No; she is an
adopted child."-Epoch.
Druggist: "Can you run soda
fountain ?" Applicant: "Not very
well, sir, but l can learn" " No,
guess you won't do. | might let You
practice putting up prescriptions; bul
l can't afford to risk an inexperienced
hand at the soda fountain. ."-Dctroi
Free Press.
A little girl while on visit to he
grandmother, had been seriously i'll
and as she grew better was spoken 0
as cOnvalescent. Thinking it would b,
very nice TO use long word, she wrot,
home: Dear Mamma, am happy t
say that | am cOnvulsiye. - Exchange
What did your daughter graduate
in?" asked a friend to another "Whit
silk, with satin corsage and elboy
sleeves was the prompt answer.
mean what branches" said the startlet
guest. oh her-her-why, the us
ual studies, l suppose" answered tn
perplexed mother. Detroit Free Pres,
There is a story about old Peter Eau
cett, the New South Wales suprem
court judge who lately retired. II
was somewhat short-sighted, and on
, day very diminutive barrister appear
ed before him to move something c
other. When the short man stood u
alongside " Jumbo" very tall barri
. ter, who was sitting down, their head
= ] Z
the small man began " If YOUR hone
: please, u Ye must stand u
when ye address the court" interrup
ed old Peter, irascibly. 81 am stan,
ing said the small man, with dignit,
"Then tell the gentleman along side
ye to sit down. ."-NelO Zealand Time
If There is a prospect that there wi
be number of peach buyers locate
= on the line of the Kent county railrOa
this season. B. F. Fleming has bee
in communication with quite a nun
ber. Among these are j. Roberts,
} Philadelphia, who was located he
year before last, and who gained IL
goodwill and esteem Ofall grove
who dealt will. ..him. J. M. Barry,
Baltimore, will buy for western ma
kets; George Davis, of Columbus Obi,
Fowler Bros, of Hartford, Conn. w
:. liams Smith & Co., of Philadelphia
, Richard Farrell & Co., of New Yorl
J. D. Mead & Co., of Boston Co
Uric and Cox, of Philadelphia; A.
VaOrhees, of Boston, and Walter
Hill, of New York, are also expect
to locate at some of the points alo
the Kent road. Mr.. Fleming sa
there are a number of others who "
come here, he thinks. when they u
derstand that the very best quality
fruit gown is produced in this count
-ChestertO1Dn Transcript.
1t was suggestive remark of G'
,- eral Sheridan's while at the Delawi
mt Breakwater, that if he could only ha
tly few days rest and be let alone
en- would be all right Many tired s
OF ferer on whom every care and attenti
/ - Il