Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-12-21
Christmas Eve at the whiteheads.

my lONt, suiu MI. soiultOn w Hioc-
head, as he sat before the fire on
Christmas Eve, '.this is glad and
Joyful time; time 10 draw fond hearts
nearer to each other and make them
throb in loving unison"
Yes, Simmy," said his wife.
land withal," he went on oracular-
iy, lit is a rollicking, merry time. and
just to carry out the spirit Of the hour,
let's hang up our stockings"
80, what fun.n chirped Mrs. White
lead, ''though / haven't thing for
you, Simmy dear. so you mustn't be
disappointed, with delusive smile.
So with many child;Ih gurgles Of
glee, they went of TO bed arm in arm,
leaving what looked like a long black
sausage-bag suspended from the Chin
ney-piece by the side OF a short striped
sock with a hole in the heel.
In the silent watches of the night,
Mr. Simeon Whitehead sneaked guilt
lily down stairs with a sealskin sacque
under his arm. He CROPPED his way to
the yawning black stocking, and there
ensued a wild and Intellectual struggle
TO stuff in the sacque, but though he
rolled it into its smallest possible COM
pass and stretched the sausage-bag TO
the form of a peck measure, it was
clearly a hopeless case, and wiping
his prespiring face with convenient
portion of his attire, he hung the gar
ment on the chimney-piece and left it,
hugging himself as he thought of the
- he
ing, for he whot not that the descend
ant of Eve who shared his joys, had
opened his drawer with false key and
torn a hole in the paper wrapping with
hairpin.
Meantime Mrs. Whitehead awoke,
and taking tiny white box from un-
der her pillow, slipped stealthily out
of the room.
At the top of the stairs she came in
violent collision with her husband
coming up, and with womanly pres
ence of mind she grasped his bushy
beard and screamed, Burglars! MUIR
der! Simmy!"
Taken Of his guard and his feet at
the same time, Mr. Whitehead sudden
ly sat down, and his wife clinging to
him desperately, they coasted together
down the stairs, landing in a confused
heap at the bottom.
A loose carpet-rod had played havoc
with his abbreviated garment, and
scraped the porous plaster and con-
siderable portion Of epidermis from his
back.
AS be struggled TO his feet with
volley of choice explosives, his wife,
who had escaped without scratch,
recognized the familiar tones and
cried. 80, Simmy, are you hurt?"
Hurt? No. Dangfest it, no."
hopping wildly about in an agony of
pain, "its rare sport to be used as a
toboggan by fat old porpoise that
weighs three hundred! Perhaps you
will inform me, madam, where the
humorous part of this performance
comes in for Mrs. Whitehead had
turned up the gas, and now stood gig
Cling Historically at his capers.
Must you stand there like a dang.
tested idiot, because you've knocked
your husband down stairs and peeled
his blasted back for him? Took me
for a condemned burglar, did you?
Well, If ever burgle in this way again
you may have the rest of my blame
skin.
80, Simmy, dear, don't swear. You
said Christmas was joyful, loving
time"
Il did, did I? Well, amt we enjoy
ing il? Amt we out in full dress in
honor OF the occasion?" glazing wildly
at his tattered garments. Haven't |
sacrificed half yard Of cuticle TO make
this thing a bowling success? Want
TO try another whirl? Perhaps I'm
too slow for you. Maybe you'd like
to rig me up with set of wheels and
an air-brake for dangfested roller
coaster. Anything to carry out these
joyous festivities in rafting style.
There, madam" he continued, kicking
the sacque savagely about the room,
there's the condemned institution
hat has brought such an overflow OF
Joy into this family. There's the last
blame Christmas present you'll ever
get from me. There's the dangfested
article Here he kicked the table
leg. He didn't injure the table leg
but spoiled the shape OF his largest
corn, and he limped grooming upstairs.
Skinny, dear" his wife called soft
ly after him, "shall l come up and
battle your poor back with arnicaP"
but vicious slam of the door was the
only reply, so she tried the effect OF
the sealskin sacque over her robe de
mutt and said, as she paraded before
the glass, Il don't care, he can't take
this back. any way, and IL he won't
have the diamond stud, I'll trade it for
m braca1a4 Tayas Siftinus