The Bennington banner. [volume] (Bennington, Vt.) 1858-1894, 1888-09-20
WISE AND OTHERWISE.

WISE AND OTHERWISE. /
A man in Finland recently left all his
money TO the devil. He said it would go
to that parsonage eventually, no matter
to whom he left it, and he might as well
keep il in the family from the start.
That man would have made fortune as
the author of pessimistic novels.
Freeman-Don't you think this doc
trine OF infant damnation horrible one2
Sours (slowly)--Well, don't know.
| used to think that way, but since the
Hower family and their new baby |
moved next door TO me, l anu kind Of
wavering, kind of wayering.
We have speedy and positive cure
for Catarrh, Diphtheria, Canker Mouth |
and Headache, in SHlLOHS CATARRH |
REMEDY. A nasal injector free with |
each bottle. Use it if you desire health |
and sweet breath. Price 80 cents. Sold |
by j. I. Shurtleff.
It will be recorded of the President
that he went down gracefully, remark
ing Scissors"
The report that St. John, the ProhIbi- |
Zionist advocate, had been on a spree or
iginated in his playing game of tenpIns.
at Put-in-Bay, and shouting at intervals |
set 'em up agin ~
The English sparrow is vigorously
"cussed" while it is alive, and sold as a
reed-bird when dead,
A Justice of the Peace Says.
Hon. John Nealey, justice of the peace
and ex-member Of the House of Repre-
sentatives from Meredith, N. H., was
for twelve years a terrible sufferer with
rheumatism. be says 81 cannot OBJ |
tain any medicine which does me so
much good as your Sulphur Bitters, and
l think it is the best medicine made"
A pastor some time since sought finan-
cill help for an important charity.
Among those whom he asked to give
something was lady who, unfortunate
| ly, bore a vinegary face. She declined
to give money, but promised to "lend
her countenance" to the cause. He re-
tired in dismay.
He-My darling, you must be mine,
yearn for you every day,
She-That's all right but what
want to know is, will you earn for me
every day after we are married
EIay Fever
| have been great sufferer from haN
fever for Is years. read of the many
wOndrouS cures of Ely's Gre ,m b I'm
and thought would try t, In fl teen
minutes after one appliCatIpnI was won
derfully helped. Two weeks ago com
menced using it and now fell entirely |
cured. 1t is the greatest medical iiscnv-
cry ever known or heard Of.-Duht
Clark, Lynn, Mass,
On the pl lyground. First SIN I'll Dam
sell guess my pa is the smartest. H.
is an editor
Second Small Dnmsel-That's nothin'. |
Guess heard my pa say he WAS goin' to |
get rich before the races were Over, |
cause he was a smart bonkmaker. There. |
now
The President IS loaded for b ar" say |
his ubsrquious followers Maybe so
but that wont help him much when he
meets with the great Republican cyclone
Oh election day.
Tommy" said the managing editor
of the Democratic illustrated weekly to |
the Office boy, go down to the office of |
Mr.. Krayon and see if he has finished |
his cartoon on Free WhiSkey,' showing |
that the Republicans are the real rum
party
Il Just came from his office" said
| Tommy.
We'll, did you bring the design with
you =
No; it amt done. Krayon's been
drunk for two days, and he was a-cheer-
in for Cleveland and Thurman"
Wild Cherry Basam The memory
of DR.. Wistar is embalmed in the hearts
Of thousands whom his BALSAM OF WILD
CHERRY has, during the past 80 years,
cured OF coughs, colds, consumption, or
some other form of pulmonary disease,
A religious paper in the west refers to
the faithful and energetic psstoration"
of a certain clergyman. Transformation"
is barbarous of course, but no more so
chan similar words which are creeping
into use.
The delicat9 duty of deciding whether
or not the Mormon Bible is authentic
has devolved upon the Customs Depart
ment. If really Bible, the duty to be
levied upon il is but five per cent, but
| il not Bible. it is mere book, taxable
at the rate Of Is per cent. The depart
ment has levied the higher duty, thus
practically determining that the work ia
no revelation, but the production OF
human intellect.
| A Chicago publication accuses the
Republican party of trucking to de-
cency." No one has ever accused the
Democratic party Of such a crime.
Jangs-Helo, old man Back from
the mountains again
Bangs--Yes Back again.
Jangs-What do you think of the
mountains rs a health resort
| Rannp-lNulI tbink itia rhan nor In
stay at home and hire doctor. Health
comes darned high up there.
Impurities of the blood often cause
great annoyance at this season. Hoods
Sarsapnrila purifies the blood, and cures
all such affections.
what shall we call the farce which
Kelley, the motor crank, is playing 2"
asks an anxious correspondent. THE
Dark Secret has been suggested as a
good name, but Cheek wouldn't be
half bad.
President Cleveland has placated the
spoilsmen of his party by judici0us
distribution of offices among them. He
has their support. The President has
disappointed the Mugwumps by yielding
to the threats and blandi4hments of the
spoilsmen. Still, he has their support
also. Good Cleveland Mugwumps. you
make US smile.
A scriptural question arose in Rapid
City, Dakota, recently, requiring Bible
to decide, and thorough search Of pub
lie and private houses failed to reveal a
copy. 1t is rather singular that it didn't
occur to one of the parties to look in an
editors office. Or are there no papers
printed in Rapid City