Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1888-06-29

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villazs stoEs the other evening. was ia.
formed Of eleven different sure
cnres by 3 eleven different individuals
IN aa many minutes. Among the
remedies recommended was one 80
the eject that q plaster madsof white
pine pitch and applied to the affected
part would work q cure in from one
to three days.
This prescription took Dingles's FAM
CT. BE believed that nature had 6
remedy for every disease that flesh is
heir TO, and If every man would BE-
come an experimental herbaliat and
study the effect Of different herbs on
different diseases and apply them In
teiligently there would be no need Of
doctors and their bills, for every man
would then be his own physician,
which he had no doubt was the inten-
ton Of an all-Wise Providence.
Dingies Is q prominent member Of
the village church, and prides himself
somewhat on his flow Of oratorY and
command Of rhetoric.
Next morning Dineles took an old,
cracked China mug and & hatchet and
went out into the primevRl forest, and
hacked pine tree until it yielded him
enough pitch for his purpose. This
he spread thinly on q piece of flexible
leather, and with the assistance Of his
wife, placed it where it would do the
most good. Then he took his hand
rake and went out into the garden to
prepare 1t for the spring ploughing.
The morning was warm, and as he
worked his back underneath the plas-
ter began to itch and burn, and Din
gies Wlnked knowingly at an imagin-
airy parsonage, and said:
'"Tha6's the way with Dame Nat
ure's remedies. They go right to work.
Nothing homeopathic about them.
Don't have to wait q week before you
know what they are going to do.''
And he Whistled, merrily and said he
felt as though he could jump g Eve
barred gate already.
Pretty soon he began to perspire,
and the plaster seemed suddenly to
develop legs and feet and crawled all
over his anatomy, till he felt like one
huge Court-plaster and his clothes
stuck to him so that he could not
stoop without choking. Then he
leaned his rake against the fence and
has usually sunny countenance.
"My dear" he said to his wife as
mildly as circumstances would allow;
''1y dear there is something the mat
ter with that ding plaster. 1t has
evidently cured my back, and is now
meandering around my manly form
ia search of. other sore spots to heal
and will have to get you to help me
capture 1t. 1 think it is now under
my right arm"
Mrs. Dingles was dressing the baby,
but she put him in his high chair and
gave him his fathers decorated shaw.
ing cup, with Love the gIver" IN
scribed on it in gilt letters, to play
with, and went to the rescue. The
cup had been given to MIR. Dingles by
an old fame before he was married,
and Mrs. u. did not value it highly.
Dingles had repaired to his chamber
and prepared for the ordeal. He
viewed his unpleasant position in a
jOcular light, and said, as he assumed
a recumbent attitude, face downward,
across the bed. the better to facilitate
Mrs. ID. s movements:
although I never deemed myself q
vain man, yet 1 certainly am stuck
up"
Here Mrs. Dingles, with a careless
abandon that showed her entire
ignorance of the business in hand,
gave the Gdherent neither garment q
sharp tWitch, which caused Dinglss to
calculate "Oh!" with four exclama-
ton points, and brought him to the
perpendicular with a jerk.
What in thunder are you trying to
do; fay me alive?' he shouted, with
fire in his eye and fight in his voice.
Mrs. Dingless who Is unused to being
addressed in that manner, looked
frightened for a moment, then burst
into tears, and said THAI he did not
love her any more, and she would
take her poor, helpless. innocent
babe, and 60 into the cold world and
earn an honest living for herself and
it, and not be a burden to HIM any
longer.
This was too much for Dingles.
Her tears quenched the fire of his an
ger. He loves his wife and baby ten
derby, and told her so, and emphasiz-
ed - 81 q way peculiar to married
men when making up their little tiffs
with their wives. He assured her that
he was only fOoling. and said:
Come, Merier. let's proceed with
this little experiment in vivisectiOn;
but for heavens sake, 60 slow"
Mrs. Dingles, who had now acquired
a more defnate knowledge of the deli /
cate nature OF the task before her, got
q case knife, and by gently inserting
its thin edge, endeavoFed to pry the
clinging drapery loose, while Dingles
WrIthed and groaned and muttered
suspicious language; and Mrs. Dingles
said, -'Hushl Daniel remember yOUr
standing in the community" and
Daniel, from the depths of his an
guish, said, ''Hang the community
Then Mrs. DingIes dropped her impro-
vised scappel and said she wasn't 20
ing to stand there and be sworn at,
when she was doing the best she could