News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-09-27
THE JOKERS BUDGET.
WHAT THE HUMOROUS MEN
HAVE TO SAY NOW.

WHAT THE HUMOROUS ME-
HAVE TO SAY NOW.
Neglecting Her Work-At Night
He Had Been There-A Drop To-
Much, Etc, Etc.
"Mr. Jones, who are you talking X
at this hour of the nighta"
"Thas'h what like to know, m m my
self, stammered Jones.
Mrs. Jones hastened down stairs, lamp
In hand. When she saw the situation
she laughed, in spite of being very
angry.
''It's the model" she said, 'the model
l bought to-day to fit my DIRE sses on.
eyes, thash so, said J6--s.s, tipsily.
model wonan-didn't tai;ss1- 1SsciS--make
some fellow good wife detroit Fret
Press.
AN AUsPICIoUs BEGINNING.
''Vell, before I ontertake to gif you
lessons on the fiolin I wish to know if
you haf a correct ear ?"
Correct ear Waal, I saw a feller
play the peany with his nose in a show
one time; but great scissors / didn t
know ye ever played the fiddle with your
ear. "-Harp6r's Bazar.
HE HAD BEEN THERE.
Ethel shuddering)-How the trees
moan and sigh tonight.
Bobby (speaks whereof he. knows
Well, guess you'd moan and sigh if
you were as full of green apples as they
be.-BtngdGmton Republican.
HE SAW A QUAKER.
''Did you see any Quakers in Phila-
delphla p was asked of Detroiter who
lately returned from that CITY.
"Only one that I was sure of.
"Did he thee and thou you9"
'He did. He got down off his hack
and said: IF thee don't pay me So Til
knock thy blame head off, and I paid,
although I knew the regular fare was
twelve shillings. You don't want to fool
with those Quakers any, and don't you
forget it ''
WOULD TRY IT.
Miss Smith (coldly)-Certainly not,
Mr.. Sampson, l cannot be your wife. I
have never given you the slightest en-
couragement.
Mr.. Sampson-Then I may as well |
go, Miss Smith.
Miss Smith-Yes, and you had better
go quickly; papa, you know, has threat
ened to chastise you.
Mr.. Sampson doubling his fist as he
turns to go)-Miss Smith, now that |
have no hopes of winning you, would
give a ten-dollar note to have ''papa"
try it on!
THE END.
She (on seaside veranda) My own
darling, tomorrow we must
part.
He Cheroically)-I know it, light of
..Yes Dreci"1s, ~ the season is ove,
4ood- by. nly love, good by forevoT -
LGecord.
A DROP TOO uUc4
Smith, Of Kansas, just rsturr,ad from
ne East hear that Ous old kr1end
'AAESRPSA 40 NNSe+NtH W &laAA '-a9 lAl' '+-@-N
err
Robinson-A drop too much.
Smith-Liquor, ehl l always said it
7ould kill him.
Robinson-No, it wasn't liquor; it was
he gallows.-BurIingt0n FIRE Press.
WOUNDED PROFESSIONAL PRIDE.
A seedy looking man cane into the
'ffice of one of the largest ,oap manu-
aoturers in Philadelphia the other day
md said: "Mr. Dreydoplet, Pm q
needy man and would liketwenty-fYe
;ents."
"Well, now," remarked tie man I'D
lressed, 81 consider that cool. You
night have Jared better if you had asked
or few pennies
With look of real indignation and q
7oice almost angry the applicant said.
Nov see here, Mr.. Dreydoppel, you
know your business and | know mine;
out if you think you can give me any
points on begging just start out and try
it."
Mr.. Dreydoppel handed over the
quarter.
TOO MODEST TO ASK.
"John,'' said she, as she toyed with
one of his coat buttons, "this is leap
year, isn't it ?"
"Yes, Mamie" he answered as he
looked fondly down ON her golden head
that was pillowed on his manly bosom,
says the Pittsburg Post.
''This is the year when the proposing
is done by the young ladies q
eyes"
81 hope you don't expect me to pro-
pose to you?"
"Why, Mamie, dear, never gave the
matter though ht-I-er-to-to tell the
truth, I've only known you for-that is
"I'm glad you didn't expect me to
Tn not that kind, I hope,
No, John, dearest, 1 couldn't be so
1 am going to lot you do
the proposing yourself in tho old-fash- |
ioned way. The old fashioned way is
good enough for me. "
And the gentle maiden gave her lover
n beaming smile, and yet the youth re-
ioiced that he had found such treasure
of modesty.
ART IN CHICAGO.
Philadelphia Artist-So Chicago is be-
coming an art centre, eh9
Chicago "Conoozer"-Y stree.
We've Just finished the finest art gallery
in the world; cost $3.50. O.000shard cash.
Why, sir, the floors has stars made of
silver dollars let into it.
"Indeed Z"
eyes, stree; good coins, mind you, an
the pictures-Gee Whitaker, but they're
beauties, every one of EN-; and as for
the other furnishings, South Kensing-
ton amt nowhere Why, sir, the bar is
polished rosewood, and the beer pumps
is solid silver. -PbilGde1phia Record.
POVERTY OFFENDED.
Hired girl to tramp-Go away L won't
give you nothin'
Tramp from Boston)-Particularly
grammar. Goodby.- Washington Critic.
HER LAST CHANCE.
An irate woman entered a dry goods
store the other day and aceosted one of
the clerks: "Iv'e come to find out what
you mean by charging me one dollar
Saturday night for that table spread, and
selling Mrs. Furgeson one just like it for
sixty cents. Didn't you say it was my
last chance to get one 80 cheap?"
"You mistook me, madam, responded
4l,o ,ooflv nlarly GET So i'll II woe x-o,,r Io,4