The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1888-02-19

ures. How conid it be otherwise when the laws
of this country positively prohibit woman
from collecting moro one bill at time.
The necessity of limitation of slang from
the conversation of the present day is the bur-
den of an interesting article in Mrs Jenness
Miller's magazine. ..Dress," for the current
month. This is theme which the heads OF
MANY families could appropriately contemplate
with profit. Very often parents tn emselves are
not without spot or blemish in this regard Re.
Gently the father of two bright little girls over
heard one of them say 10 the other, do you
catch opg- He was shocked, OF course, and re-
nroyed the child saving to her that she would
lose her ability to speak good English IL she IN
dulged in sucn slang expressions, and That ne
did not want to hear any more sucn talk. Inc
reproof was received with becoming meekness,
and in a few minutes the father remarked TO
the mother: MY dear. our bill came In from
the paper hanger to-day. and tell you, IL was
buster" The small girl was equal to the coca,
sion and coolly remarked: Papa. I'm airao
Won will lose your ability to talk good Epgnsh II
good plan if every family who are interested In
the determination of slang should estaohsn q
contribution box for the charity klndergar.en,
into which every offending speaker snouio drop
penny for each slang expression.
One thousand bald-headed men in England
have formed themselves into Physiological AS
ISOLATION" for the purpose of searching Tor sci
entihc hair-retorer. Here, now. is q branch where
science may come in handsomely and do some
thing as is something. What does the world
care for such discoveries as that bricks are as
porous as lump sucar-or that the brain of an
elephant is larger than man's-or that white
ants are eating up the Boston State-nouses
What man needs is the discovery or inventi0u OIL
things that will make life pleasanter: ana DO u
quickly, too. We are all somewhat like Sanan-
tina Aliens "Dorlesky Burpy" who sent WORD 10
the President that ..she wanted her rights and
chnx tod ham VIII weeks.
the case, particularly, with the oaid-heaoeo man
be wants his rights, and :he sooner ne gets
them the better. It il undeniable fact that
the bald headed man has as much right to
good head of hair any other man. Witnous
it, life is hardly worth living He IS at the mer-
cy of everything first, his friends VINO never
fail to call attention to his drawbacks
and shortcomings, and poster MN.
with infallible remedies. all warranted;
secondly, his enemies, who twit him with his
hslplessness and refer to his intellectual Tore
head Then the barber, who wears him thread
bare talking about what his hair RESTORATIVE
would do for him if he would only let him Try IT
on him. Then the elements-Jack Frost taxes
many a nip at him in winter, and what the mes.
and the gnats, and the mosquitoes don't IND out
about his defenseesS pate in summer IS NOT
worth recording. And the paragraphers }okes
are cracked on his poor old bald head until 1t is
nearly cracked as well In the .nea.sr Inc h xal
him. and if he goes to church the minister Is
sure to read about the bad little boys VINO were
eobbled by the bears for saying: go up. bald
head" Really there is no peace for the bald
head man but in the grave, unless this new
Theological association does something for him.
Now let science spread herself and accomplish
something that will benefit humanity more than
the discovery of LOO north poles
Sir John Lubbock has decided that if bees can
hear at all they only hear very shrill sounds.
such as the human ear cannot distinguish. This
is well and wisely ordained in regard to the bee.
He sometimes uses very little judgment, and
misplaces his sting parts of the human frame,
and if he were SO constructed as to hear the re-
marks made about him on such occasions he
would doubtless lose respect for us his en-
ployers and retire from the honey business al
together.
Frank Stockton made fatal mistake when he
yielded to the solicitations of his admirers and
wrote s'The Dusantes" as SEQUEL to the anus
ing adventures of Mrs Lecks and Mrs. Ale
shine in the first story. The continuation OF
these adventures is only moderately amusing,
and the majority of his readers would doubtless
have preferred to remember the party who had
been living in the Dusante house as sailing
away the summer sea into impenetra-
BILE space, leaving .sshe board money under
the paper of fish hooks in the ginger jar. Like
Stocktons other taking story, THE Lady or the
Tiger" the chief attraction of the Casting
Away of Mrs. Lecks and Aeshine" lay in its in
completeness. When mystery is solved it no
longer presents any allurement However, this
latest story by Mr.. Stockton is noticeable for
significant fact, namely, the introduction
into fiction of q new characters dlsagreeable
father-inaw. The author has doubtless shared
with common humanity feeling OF great sym
pathy for that much abused and unjustly
maigned creature-the law, and, with
a view to diverting public censure into other
channels and granting this overworked charac.
ter much-needed repose, he has evolved the
feicitous scheme of substituting for her gem
timely obnoxious father-in-law. From the very
opening of MIR. Endertons career in the
story, when he appeared on tho desert
island and showed very reprehensible
disposition before he fairly landed,
through all his quarrelne about the price OF
board-hs dissatisfaction with the fare. his self
shness IN regard to everything-te his final
elopament with tho ginger-jar, and his unwar-
rantable act of having Mrs. Aieshine's front door
painted bright red he was pronouncedly and
unmitigatedly disagreeabls. The author very
delicatey expressed his opinion of him in say
party was happest when his father-in law was
best contented:" but it is plainly evident
throughout tho entire story that had fatal acct
dent befallen him lasting grief would have
been experienced by his son-n-law. AS usual,
while ostensibly closing the history of all the
people in these adventures. Mr. Stockton leaves
lie may seize and Gull for satisfaction When
Mrs. Aleshine reached her abode. her maid OF
all work, Elizabeth Grostenheimer. was unac-
countably absent. The mystery was not solved
and we now ask of Mr.. Stockton, with Mrs.
Aleshine, where in tho world, I'd like to know,
is Elizabeth Grostenheimers"
Lawrence Hutton tells of gentle little boy.
who, when the Good Book to be read to
him. on Sunday afternoon, requested that the
"fghtngest parts" should be selected for his
edification and entertainment In like manner,
Habberton's Bulge and Toddie always wanted
to have buggy" stories told to them, and the
..buggier" they the better they were
pleased. All small boys have a weakness in tho
direction of fights and the shedding of gore.
which hardly understandable to the gentler
sex Even five year old Bobby. not much big
ger than . minute. related, with swelling
breast, the other day, that he had had fight
once.
with whomW was asked.
with Lena
'sWhat did you ighs her for2'
"'Cause she lighted me-"
..And what did she fight you for9'
"'Cause 1 lighted her."
"But what did you fight her fort"
0,Cansa abe fiDhted me-