Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1888-06-16

the IDEAL GENTLEMAN:
The Effect OF Coed Breeding and True
Culears Upon . Young Man.
MANNERS ALONE DO NOT MAKE TIE orSr1lnAN-How
NsrNcRRrrY or CULTURE AND BKHHDrSG RESULTS
IN vuLaARIrY-rHR sEIyIsHNxss OF MEN AND
WOMEN IN RAsHloNABLH SOCIETY.
Copyrighted. 1881
Written for THE EVENING STAR
Bosh In the ranks Of the workers anc in the
ranks OF society we stfll md the ideal gentleman.
We are charmed with the good breeding which we
discover In the humblest IS well as in the highest
ranks OF American society. We ind In every class
In college some natural-born gentleman, and in
every profession, every branch OF industry, there
Is man with q good heart, modest, unselfish and
noble, who is not thinking Of himself but Of that
mother whom he hopes TO support; he is working
ipi her ana not LOT hlnself he begins thus TO md
house. IN the drygoods store, in the railway ONCE
DO we look for the coming gentleman" the man
else. That cultivation which is the parent Of
good manners II, however, necessarily left out OF
the training Of such young man. He has not to do
IL ali nlmSe1, ne must make himself conventional
gentleman. II man Is q scholar, q thinker q
reader, manners will come to him, even IT, like
Burns ne starts from the pillow. but II he has 70
such books OF etiquette as the classics in all Ian
guages; q student of Shakespeare will not remain
9 boor: Horace. Milton, Racine and Moliere pro.
duced no vulgar upstartS II Is the insincerity Of
man; o real culture Will make conventional gen
the Class which has not been Corrupted py fashon
we also md sometimes the ideal In good society
Fashion and idleness have not produced so good .
false aims, the glittering prizes have not yet
dazzled all men out OF the true and ideal good
breeding. There Is such thing as An Admirable
Cr1chton, man who can think, read, study work
and still be "Jeunesse doree;" one Of the curled
and perfumed darlings Of wealth and fashion. He
can go through the nerce flres Of social compe.
being scorched. All men are not ignoble, although
some are. But it is not to be denied that the
to-day, all over the world, are not those in which
their fathers and grandiathers excelled. These
gentlemen OF the past, OF thorough good breeding,
ma much 10 crtttclse In the manners Of to-day.
wHLL-BRED NAN
Is quiet In dress, respectful to women kind to the
weak, helpful TO the feeble. He may not be always
an especially generous or effusive man, but good
breeding will tell him all the proper observances
and the duty OF being conventional gentleman.
courteous and tender to the Old, the feeble. the
humble. Nobissse ObliOe is his motto, and his
pride IL TO do that which he owes 70 himself, even
II he have no distinction. 1t is the absence OF this
air OF distinction" which Matthew Arnold mo-
ticed and criticised. There are fashionable men
who have bored expression when a lady speaks
bears OF modern society Like bears, they can only
be propitiated by sweets. To see such q young
man at the Casino at Newport, refrain from rising
10 give his chair to married lady, perhaps his
mothers friend-such men lack distinction. To
see q man cultivate a brutal manner, who laughs
at some unlucky accident on the lawn tennis
ground, to notice the thorough Selfishness which
governs his conduct, would be to despair OF the
world did not one see In the next house some
able surroundings The trouble is that such a
man has no cultivation. The breeding that he
should have received at home has been rubbed out
by the sel1shnesS OF his surroundings. Mothers
perhaps have been more busy trying to secure a
rich match for their sons than to have them
thorough gentlemen: They have heard money,
money, money, talked from morning until night.
The worship OF wealth Injuries good manners.
AT COLLEGE.
1t Is to be feared, too, that at the colleges the
pursuit OF athletics is injung study and that the
old fashions are about wiped out. The men are
talking OF rowing OF their societies, OF the ball
match, the race course and the opera boufre, in
stead OF discussing an ode of Horace an essay OF
Mscauley. Any talk about literature is considered
affected, and the man who should introduce 1t
would be voted u mum. A term full OF reprOach is
used for the college man who studies; he Is CON
sidered ''dg." Then cultivation, which Is q very
certain parent OF good manners, is left out OF the
training u our young men. Although athletics
are good, they may be overdOne. No wonder an
Oxford scholar nnds such men lacking in "diStinc-
tion." In England the gentleman" Is man who
Is at once powerful AT the oar and good at an ode
OF Horace he does not leave out the latter even II
he can Kick o ball. The men OF our Army and
Navy are almost always men OF good manners;
they have had q repressive training, they have
themselves.
AN AMERICAN GENTLEMAN
should have the best manners In the world, for he
need never be subservient he has nothing to crush
him. he can always afford to be polite No man
knows q master excepting himself; no one need
Should be a gentleman. The Old adage int it
takes three generations to make o gentleman Is
constantly being contradicted in America. Many
tons have made. The frigidIy and cubbiness may
have descended TO some men or good race In exact
ratio as their talent has diminished; to have moth
q poor Inheritance. Now what did Matthew Ar.
mold mean when he implied that Abraham Lin
coin was not Q gentleman" was not .'dis.in-
gulShed?" To Us Abraham Lincoln was the ideal
gentleman, although he was not an elegant paror
knight; to US he was all that was disIing uished
a genius, tender heart, wit, a seer, an orator,
meant that Abraham Lincoln mad not the man
ners OF Washington, Alexander Hamilton, or Gen.
scott These men were gentlemen, were ''distln-
WHAT MAKES THE GENTLEMAN
Therefore we see that several things go to make
up the gentleman to the foreign critic. He must
not only be a good man but polished man. Good
feeling cOmprehends that intimate knowledge OF
all that Is refined, amiable, befltttng In manner
and elegant in conversation, which comes first
from training at the mothers knee and in the
fathers mouse, secondly from an ability and de-
Sire TO accept these refining influences, which an
after knowledge and interest In society will help
TO render one conventiOnaliy well-bred according
10 the etiquette OF society. Good breeding con-
trolls the temper and tempers the speech 1t
brtghtenS up the wits and causes the duilest mind
To bring It's treasury TO the surface; II makes a
man mt for the thought OF Macauley, the laughter
OF sidney Smith; 1t makes the young boy In the
the proper person to form In the
noble procession OF people or wit and thought and
culture. Now as to the use of the word ssgentle-
man." 1t Is often vulgarized in our own country
When Tom Oh the ball held says to his generous
antagonist, "HOratio, you are q gentleman" he
uses IL correctly; when a driver says to his fare
III you are the man who Is going to ride am
the gentleman asis TO drive you, lie uses 1t incOr
rectly. When servant announces q plumber as
'the gentleman TO nix The pipes" she uses IL ncOr-
rectly. And the word gentleman" one of the
nobest, sweetest, grandest words in the language
word, man, remembering that gentleman i'm
plies much breeding, much culture, q certain re-
llnement OF occupation, and moral tone OF the
very highest.
ADVICE IN SMALL THINGS.
And to descend To the lowest thing about a gen.
tleman, we should remember that his minor
manners must be attended to: he does not swear or
smoke in the presence OF women; he does not eat
his dinner In a hurry; he does not crumble his
bread about, making Il into pills. he does not eat
his soup with kissing sound. or tip the plate to
they are bad; he dresses himself wen If his means
Will allow; be he ever so poor he must be clean III
he commits any little error at the dinner table he
must learn to be composed; he must be deaf and
blind TO the errors OF Others In society But
etiquette never means stiffness. The best bred
people are the unconscious. SO sudden are the
rises In. American society that many man has
the plate which he lately washed. A politician
may rise from being waiter to being President OF
the United States. And he Is a better man, a
better diner-Out q better President H. when he
n ms md