Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1888-10-12
Newspaper Hunor.

Always slipping in and out-,he
ferry boats.
Notes for travclcrs-bauk notes
are the best
The well digger makes money by
the holc.sale.
IL a ship arrives in por, second
late they dock IT,
IL was a women who saw the
first snake, but since then the men
have attended to that sort OF thing.
Some people like oysters on the
halishell, others quail on toast: but
we prefer eagles on $40 gold pieces.
n musician wants To know how
TO strike bee fiat, and at the
same time avoid being stung by its
demiscmiquaver.
Book Agcnt-"Thcn | can't per.
suade YOU to buy the Life OF Cleve.
land!"
Witlcy-"No, sir. cannot con.
scientiously take any mans life"
Hotel Clerk langrilv)-"Why
didn't YOU answer when first ruug
for youi"
Bell Boy with a grin)-"Please,
sir, slipped up on the hell peal. a"
Before | became lecturer on
the bad effects OF whisky was
filed with my subject" said re.
formed drunkard; but now I'm
only spiritually full of it
Sunday School Teacher-"Why
did Jobs faith in God never waveri"
Bad Bov-'Cause hc never had
TO wind a Waterbury watch. He'd
cuss If he had to wind mine"
Things one would rather have
left unsaid; Mrs. Joncs-"Dont
trouble TO sec me To the door"
Mrs. Smith -"No trouble; quite
n pleasure, assure YOU"
Innocent Touth-"IIow I admire
Miss Tranquillc's calmness, She
never loses her self possession.
Tart Maiden--"And never will.
None of the young men want her"
y Vermont horse faucier's daugh.
ter, Betsey, by name, having reach.
ed a marriageable age, her father
wrote familiarly TO an old friend.
old friend: bets offered, but no
takers as yet
Ethel (shuddcringly)-"How the
trees moan and SIGH to.nightr
Bobby (spcaks whereof ne knows)
We'll, guess you'd moan and
sigh If you were as full Of green
apples rs they he"
81 can carry in some kindling
wood if you insist on my doing It,
ma'am, said the tramp. with hurt
look, "but it never did agree with
nc to take violentexercise just after
eating"
At Coney Island: A.-It is as.
tonishing"
B'--"What is astonishingir
"That there should he so much
water"
"Yes, and just think, you only
see the water hat is floating on top"
az have mislpid the book contain.
ing the names Of my patients, " said
a physician. THAT Is no serious
loss" replied friend. "you can
find most of them on the tombstones
in the cemetery"
81 think my profession" said n
violinist, is by FAR more preferable to
any other; il is the easiest of all.
"How soi"
because work when play.
and ! play when work"
Pittsburg has new paper called
the Butchers Rec0rd. II is hoped
the editor whose motto. bv the
way, is not Liver Die"-will be
able TO make both ends meat. lie
has the welfare Of the butchers ri
steak.
There's nothing 80 pleasant as
20 have ones child lead an upright
life" remarked the deacon "Wel
I don't know about that" said
Brown. 1T isn't very agreeable
YOU know, 10 have ones heir stand
on end"
Presideut-"Yes. Mr.. Snapper
the faculty have decided that you
have broken the rules. and there Is
no course for us but 90 suspend
you
Studcni-"H'm how about sus.
pending the ruiesF'
Miss Ponder (who has been hav.
ing q wrestling match with the Key
board Of the piano) )-"Havc you e
sensitive musical ear. Mr.. Tympan.
num-
Mr. 7. (more candid than polite)
--"Ies, ! ava sorry 90 say have"
Husband THAT gas ought 10 be
/ turned down. It's singing away in
a lively style up there"
Wife (laughing) Singing en-;
In what meter is tho music' Can
you tell mcF'
Husband (crossly) y)-"Ncs. Gas
meter
a little girl was sent across the
street to ucighhor', Tor milk The
COW which The neighhor owned had
ceased 90 give milk for thc time
and there was none to- bc had
UIhere ia nOunfik "a. .fnV f e4tf the