davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-08-29


every night and wrestled with the statue
until one night he threw it, and it fell on him
and crushed him to death. So Jealousy is n
only absurd, but it is killing to the body
and it is killing to the soul. How seldom it
is you find one merchant speaking we'll Of
merchant in the same line Of business. How
seldom it is you hear of physician speaking
we'll of physician on the same block. On.
my fri ends, the world is large enough for all
Of us. Let us rejoice at the success Of
others. The next best thing to owning
garden ourselves is to look over the fence
and admire the flowers. The next best thing
to oridirg in fine equipage is to stand on the
street and admire the prancing span. The
next best thing to having banquet given to
ourselves is having banquet given to our
prodigal brother that has come home to his
fathers house.
Besides that, if we do not get as much
honor and rs much attention as others, we
ought to congratulate ourselves on what we
escape in the way of assault. The French
General, riding on horseback at the head Of
his troops, heard a soldier complain and
say: "lt is very easy for the General
to command us forward while he rides
and we walk" Then the General dismounted
and compelled the complaining soldier to get
on the horse. Coming through ravne, a
bullet from sharpShooter struck the rider,
and he fell dead Then the General said:
"How much safer it is to walk than to ride"
Once more have to tell you that this
senior brother Of my text stands for the
pouting Christian. While there is so much
congratulation within doors, the hero of my
text stands outside, the corners of his mouth
drawn down. looking as he felt
miserable I am glad his lugu-
brious physiognomy did not spoil the fes-
there there are in our rday-Christlans who do not
like the music of our churches, Christians
who do not like the hilarities Of the young
pouting, pouting at society, pouting at the
fashions, pouting at the newspapers, pout-
ing at the church, pouting at the govern
ment, pouting at the high heaven. Their
spleen is too large, their liver does not work,
their digestion is broken down. There are
two cruets in their castor always sure to be
well supplied-vinegar and red pepperl Oh,
come away from that mood. Stir little
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-08-29

the doors at twelve o'clock. Suddenly
a bell rings. You notice that small
army, 213, in fact, has gathered in the
passageway from the kitchen. Each
man carried tower of plates, and, as
the signal sounds, they begin to march
down the center aisle and file off between
the tables, distributing the heavy stone
plates as they go with noisy clattcr.
The next signal calls for knives and
forks; then bowls, bread, butter, etc.,
in their order, and all arc placed with
very little confusion.
The seating of the first 5000 men oc-
cupies just five minutes. When this
is done the sergeant gives the order
to "fall in for meat" or 'potatocs, as
the case may be-. Twenty minutes are
allowed for eating, though the men are
never hurried in the meals. At the end
of that time another bell rings, the men
pass out of the hall; and twenty minutes
more are allowed for clearing the tables
and setting them again. The first squad
of walters dash deftly in with wooden
trays, on which they collect all the DTS
OF bread. They are followed by those
who remove the knives and forks, then
by those who empty the dregs of coffee
into buckets. Another row Of walters
pile up the plates and stand waiting for
the signal to start. When these have
vanished there are others behind them,
whose duty it is to brush of the crumbs
and place the clean dishes on in the
order I have described before. After
the second set of mon have finished thci:
diuner and left the hall the tables and
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05
BRIGHT BITS.

BEGGAR: Phase. sor, can'tye help poor man
with a large family out Of work?
Schoolmaster: No Why don't you set your
family at worl<:-Tid Bits
'You want a keepsake that will always re-
mind you of ne?' said the Boston girl II do
darling. - he said tenderly. What's the matter
with myself?N she whispered. They call her
Mrs now.-Boston budget.
YOUNG JOURNALIST who designs starting
humorous paper In the West, writes to request
a suggestion for pictorial symbol Tor his title
page. We believe the wagging of a dogs tail
is regarded as sign Of good humor.-Ifd- Bits.
ESaIIsHMAN-The only question in England
now is the Irish problem.
American-Sane way here.
E.-Here? You are not trying to get the Irish
down, are your
A.-No, they've got us down and we're trying
to get up.-1jd- Bits
EvANGELIsT-Mad we are getting up an
anti swearing society, and called 80 see If we
could have your husbands assistance
Omaha p me-Ic is not in now.
Il am very sorry. Do you think he would be
willing to jOn?'
Il guess so. The stoves are all up.'-Omaha
World.
JULIUS CESAR, said the colored mans wife,
You We're out wild de boys las night"
~ was" said julius, humbly.
And how do you find yo' head dis mawnin?"
About de same as you wants yo goods when
you go shoppn"
'IioE am datT.
"All wool an a ya'd wide, - Boston Courier.
CmcAeo MAN to a fellow passenger Have
you ever been in St Louis, sir:
Fellow passenger (pToudly)-Well should say
so, Why, live in st. Louis. stranger
Chicago man-Oh, l am glad to know that. |
want to stop off at st. Louis and III he much
obliged to you if you'll tell me when we get
there | wouldn't like to be carried blythe
EpOch.
LITTLE NEL--The gcntIemens was real polite
int % -. One nil
me q seat.
Mamma Indeed?
Yes, on his knee
"Ub,''
Yes. mamma, an some big girls standing up
looked real mad cause no one was polite TO
them. "-Ecchdage.
"You'D better keep ont Of that crowd" re-
marked a Woodward avenue merchant to a
dapper young man who was Just coming out of
II auction store
WHY asked the d. Y. m,
Il just saw mans hand come out of your
pocket that / wouldn't like TO have go into
mine.
Whose was t?'
Yours. r Detroit Tribune.
A K STREET MAN met his daughters hope" in
the hall and materially fastened his departure
in the usual manner. Then he returned limping
to the parlor and sat down.
Il hope you didn't hurt Harry. papa? sobbed
the daughter
NO, t1ercely replied the old man. picking up
his foot aad nursing it. NO, ! didn't hurt him,
but if he ever COMES here again with bricks in
smiled softly through her tears.-W Washington
Critic
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05

Fr0n the NcU )-or. H'rdld
WASHINGTON, Jan. Joe lackburn's Soma
toria friends are telling a good story al the eX
pense of the doughty keutuckian. One ot Joe S
constituents, a raw-bCned female OF tue mascu-
line type, came to Washington scV ,ral weeks
TIE Senator evaded her as long as possible but
one day recently she called at his lodgings and
forced her way past the grinnng dOmestics into
the Kentuckian S room.
in an alcOve hidden from gaze by heavy por-
there's st cd a comfortable looking bath tub.
Here the Honorable Joe lay quietly musing,
when the sound Of footsteps aroused him. Pull
ing the curtains slightly aside. the Senator
recognized his tOrmentor at the moment that
She espird MN.
IN heavens name, madame, what do you
want: exclaimed the Kentuckian modestly
drawing the curtains about him.
Il want that appointment ana I'm going tn
have it,, Was the emphatic reply, as the rate
female dropped into a vacant chair.
But | can do nothing for you here, rejOined
Mr.. Blackburn pteOusly.
You won't do ii anywhere else was the I'M
feeling answer; so III stay here until You tell
me Just what YOU viii do.
AS Mr.. Blackburn made no reply his visit or
followed his example, aud for a time deep
silence filled the room. The office-seeker. after
waiting few minutes, drew from her reticule
an article of needewOrk and calmly commenced
sewing. Halt an hour passed. The kentuckiau
could stand il no longer
Il give IN" he replied. Go down stairs and
wait in the paTlor. IN DO whatever you like il
you will leave the room
The woman did as requested Later in the
day the Senator presented her to Secretary
I4smar as one of his Oldest and dearest friends
She was given place at $50 a month, and hel
salary began to-day.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05
For the Eye OF the Pretty Girl.
From the Chicnao Herald.

The pretty girl will greatly oblige her many
admirers by drawing the line on tOothpicltS Ii
is all right for her % be Independent. and bold
and free from the tramme!S of prejudice and
prudelY and al that, There l. no objection to
her walking into II crowded restaurant all alone.
ordering up broiled lobster and pale ale for one,
devouring both with vigor and dispatch, and
then walking TO the cashiers desk and paying
her bill like little man. That is all right But
will She not be gracious enough to stop there
and omit the toothpick Surely she can get
along withOu, that morsel Of wood rolling and
splintering between her pretty teeth as she
walks out TO the street. Let us beg, implore,
beseech the pretty girl to respect masculine
alteration of her. Why should she DESTROY
mans sentiment, kill his worShipfulness pune
ture his iondest delusOn, and let all the air cs.
cape from il, with that cold, cruel toothpic, >
The pretty girl must leave man something TO
hang his hecN on, She Is welcome to his tailor
his starche,l Shirt fronts and cuffs his studs and
sleeve buttons. bis hat and watch chain, every
thin. that he has, cyen to his waistcoat and
pantalCons, but she must stop at the toothpici
Al thC public toothpcS the pretty girl must
pause and decide which she shall choose--love
of man or mans toothpich Here is the Rabbi
con If she crosses this she will soon want a
cigar added TO her pale ale; she will want a
cuSpidor at her side whereve' she sits And
tben--chaoS,
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05

The Democratic National Convention.
The question of where the next Demo
cratic National Convention is TO be held VIII
be decided this month. 1t is probable that
delegations from seven cities will present
before the National Committee Arguments
going to show the superior advantage for
such a convention possessed by the re-
spcctlve cities they represent. Chicago will
likely rest her claims chiefly on her superior
capacity for accommodating the delegates,
and will attempt to show that, as Illinois
will be in some degree a debatable
state next fall, the Democrats will
enhance their chances of carrying
it by holding their nominating convention
within its borders st. Louis and Cinciu-
natl will make determined fights for the
convention, and Boston, Minneapolis and
Omaha viii put in mild bids. New York
will contend that the next Democratic can
didato for President win be certain TO come
from that State, and therefore it ought to
be held there. Undoubtedly New York will
Ike this year, as for some years past,
the pivotal State, and if it be
true that the holding of the conven-
ton in any city helps the party
in the State where that city is located this
will prove to be a strong argument. There
are said to be men in Washington, claiming
TO reflect the Presidents views, who say
Mr. Cleveland decidedly favors New York,
but this may be questioned, because it has
not been the policy of the President to in
terfere in questions not connected with his
administration, and because he is bestowing
more thought on matters of craftsmanship
than politics,
From 1860 to the present time six ma
tional nominating conventions have
been held in Chicago, two Of them
being Democratic and the balance
Repub lican; three have been held in Gin
cinnati, two Democratic and one Republ-
can; Philadelphia has been selected once, by
the Republicans and st. Louis and New
York once each, by the Democrats. 1t ap-
pears from the above that Chicago has been
the most popular in this respect, while New
York and st. Louis have been almost ig-
many votes in the Republican States of
Ohio and Illinois by holding their conven-
tons in Cincinnati and Chicago, and it is
doubtful if the place selected makes any diff
ference at all in the result at the polls. The
candidates and the platforms are what carry
weight with the voters, and the place where
these were put forward is a matter of no
Importance whatever when the campaign
is begun
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05
The Burglars and the Lone Widow

IRON me DetrO1t free Pres,
4 burglar got into the house of frail-looking,
sad eyed little widow in Tucson the other night
Not finding her valuableS down stairs, he
stealthiiy assembled to the second floor and
entered the room where the sleeping and I'M
suspecting woman lay with smile that told of
pleaGant dreams on her lips.
Roughly shaking her, the dastarily intruder
said, gruffly:
Here, wake up now Just keep COOL no use
yelling; know as well as you do that you re
alone in the house: just hand over the keys
to-here, stop that let go help! murder! help
help! O-o-O-h, O-o-o,hr'
When the police finally got there they found
the burglar done up with a clothes line as
neatly rs grocer does up ten pounds of sugar
He was just opening his eyes III the coming
to- process: when they rested on the little
widow they took on a beseeching look as he
shivered and gdSped out:
Don't leave me alone with her again gentle
men; please don't I've killed Rocky Mount ain
lions and she bears with young cubs, and tackled
two hyenas at q time but this is my first ex-
periencc with a lone Arizony wilder Can't
YOU loosen these ropes a little and see how
many o, my ribs is broke, and roll me over so S
| can keep from swallowing the teeth she's
knocked out; and ii like Il poultice on my eye
soon as possible and J need sewing up III a
dozen places. I'm 'feered I'll never pull through
this, gentlemen
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05
His HON ely Wife.


WASHINGTON. Dec. ga good story is told Of
one of the fair DANES of the diplomatic corn.
who recently called at the residence of a gov
eminent official whose wife is noted for bel
domesticity. The husband himself CHANGED tx
be at home, and, pending the descent of ma
dame from the nursery. went into the drawing
room to greet the lovely foreigner The follow.
ing conversation ensued:
All, Monsieur, you have one very homely
wife"
The host whose better half was really not dis
tinguished for her beauty of face, which how.
ever, was more than compensated for by a
superb figure, graceful carriage, and charm
ing amiability, stammered in reply
All, madame. why really--do you know
l."
Yes" innocently explained his visitor in her
pretty broken English. Eyes, she very homely
In fact, She stay at home all the time"
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05
HERMANNs JOKE ON COOKE.
The Magician Has some Amusements
at the Chicago Gas Well.

From the PhiIddeIohid Press
CHICAGO, Jan. 2-Hermann, the magician,
went out to look at Brewer Cookies recently
discovered natural gas jet this afternoon. He
was introduced to the brewer as PROF. Doremus,
the celebra ed New York chemist. who was
anxious 10 examine the gas. Hermann walked
up 10 the tiny stream Of fire, held his hands
close TO il and then stopped down and examined
the color attentively through Il small magnify
lug glass. a small vial containing some Of the
gas was brought to the Magician which he also
subjected 10 careful exam lton.
What do you think Of il, Prof.
Doremus.' asked the brewer anXiousy. 1T
seems to be an excellent quality of gas, replied
Hermann, but great heavens, what's that:
and rushing to a corner of the room he stopped
down. A bright fash of fame shot out into the
room. why. he shouted, there s gas coming
up from beneath the floor / can smell il IN the
air. Mr. Cooke, you've got a fortune, there a
supply Of millions of cubic feet IN NTH Just
look here, -" and the magician stopped down and
started bright flame under the bewidered
brewers feet. Your very clothes are perme-
ated with it, continued Hermann, approaching
Mr.. Cooke. Look here, and here At every
word he touched the brewer, and at each touch
a jet Of flame apparently shot out of his body.
Let's get out" shouted the brewer; its
dangerous; the whole thing will blow VI" Then
Hermann disclosed his real identity, and left the
brewer in a cold swcar.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05
THEY WERE ALL FOR HIM.
Elected a Superintendent of Public
Schools Because He Used Tobacco.

From the Boston Herald.
The School Committee of New Bedford were
called upon TO choose a Superintendent of
Schools the other evening. Two candidates
were named both men of experience, ability
and character. Concerning one of them the
leading paper in the city where he has been
working says of his two and half years work;
1T has been beyond question or doubt com
petent, profitable and highly advantageous in
every way to the public schools System, order
and organization have been greatly improved.
His scholarship is of the best, while his practi-
cal experience as a teacher from the primary to
a high school has been of excellent service We
believe also that be has looked after the finances
of the department as if the money were his
own"
Just before the election took place a woman
called the attention of the committee TO the
fact that this candidate used tobacco and the
other didn't. so far as she knew. 1t is pleasant
to be able to state that he received seventeen
votes. which was all the votes there were. If
she had charged him with eating onions, or
some similarly heinous offenie, it is to be feared
the committee would have looked only at his
qualifications, and electe | hun just the same.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05
INDEX TO NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.

MEEr1NGs-Haupt Lodge No 50, !. o. o. F.;
Solomon's Lodge No. /, F. and A. NJ; Georgia
Hussars; Workman's and Traders Loan and
Building Association.
SPECIAL NoTICEs-Personal Property Returns,
c. S. Hardee City Treasurer; Box Sheet for
Mendelssohn Concert.
STEAMSHIP ScHEDuLE-Ocean Steamship Com
pany.
FIR SEED-W D. Simkins & Co.
For PORT ROYAL, BEAUFORT, ETc.-Steamer
Pope Catlin.
CHEAP COLUMN ADvERTIsEMENTs-Help Want
ed; Employment Wanted; For Rent; For Sale;
Lost Miscellaneous
UNEoUALED BATH Room OIL HEATERs-Lovell
& baltimore.
HANS. ETc.-William G. Cooper
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05
Registered at the Post oCice in Sora"noh


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This paper is kept on file ana adver , pt.s
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Letters and kilograms should Dc aouIesse1
sMoRNISe NEWS Savannah, Ga
Advertising rates made known on application.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05
The Opium Smoker.
From the London Academ,

TFUFH l7Ie LOHUOH HcuucWV
am engulfed, and drown deliciously.
soft music like perfume, and sweet light,
Golden with audible odors exquisite.
Swathe me with cerements for eternity.
Time is no more. pause and vet flee.
A million ages wrap me round with night
drain million ages of delight
mold the future in my memory.
Also have this garnet which rent.
This bed OF straw, and this that was chair
This worn-out body like tattered tent;
This crust of which the rats have eaten pa. {.
This pipe OF opium; rage, remorse despair:
This soul at pawn and this delirious heart
ARTHUR SyMoEs,
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05
Poor Old Thingl

From the Louisville CoUricr-JOur1ldl CDem)
II the Republican party succeeds in securing
Mr.. lamar's re lection. as il will not IL would
get for its pains younger man and Just as
good a Democrat The truth IS this effete con
Germ which, in its palmy days was scamp:
seems in its old age 10 emulate the character OF
senile and malignant dotard as well. Poor old
thing
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05
An InsinuatioN.

From The Providence Telegram (Dem)
If the opinion that Senator Blackburn has
cancer in the stomach should prove 10 be cor
rect, what will become Of Mr.. Murat Haistead' S
theory thai good old Kentucky whisky is the
best preventive of Stomach LrOmDlesI
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05

An innovation in religious customs has
been made in two London churches, and
consists in the reading of the lessons by
actors. Whatever may be said of the pro-
priety Of such a course-and a great deal
may be said against it--there is no doubt
that the beauties of the Bible would be more
appreciated if the lessons were read by
actors in half the churches of the country.
Many ministers are very bad readers.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05

Ex-Secretary Daniel Mannings estate is
not as large as some of his friends thought
it was. Before his death he was supposed
to be worth $500, 900. 1t is low said that if
bis estate amounts TO s250,000 those who
are best acquainted with his affairs will be
surprised
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05

Illinois is the boss State for railroads. 1t has
more miles of railroad than any other State.
Even Texas leads New York in this respect,
the latter State only ranking sixth. 1t can
be safely said, however, that in New York
city a very large share of all the railroad s
of the country is owned.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05
A New Danger for Cubans.

From the Nerr York World CDeptD
To the thoughtful mind the news that Cuba IS
about to adopt the game of base ball is full OF
unpleasant possibilities. In country so gwen
to revolution as is Cuba the base ball umpire
will prove a constant menace to the peace OF the
community.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05

Congressman Bourke Cochran, of New
York, says there is lot of good material
among the new Congressman. Mr.. Cochran
Is himself one of the new men. There is
also lot of raw material
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05

Only fifty men are at work on the re-
moval of the Brighton Beach Hotel, and
unless 500 men are called into service at
onse, it is said, the building is liable to be
washed out to sea before it can be removed.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05

Excursions to Florida from Northern and
Western cities are now in order. A big
one will leave Baltimore for St Augustine
on Monday, Jan. 49, Tho weather in this
part of the South will be particularly fine
during the next few months.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05
CURRENT COMMENT.
Hope for the stockholders.

From the Pittsbu1g Chronicle tReD).
Perpetual motion has been discovered again,
this time by a man in Georgia. IL is understood
that Mr. Keely will buy the invention to run MS
fop Will
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05

Rev. Dr. Edward f. Miles, tie missing
New York pastor, has not yet been found
A brother clergyman says DR.. Miles had TO
do the work of four men, as he was a
physician as well as a preacher, and his
mind was unable to stand the strain.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-01-05

Senator German, of Maryland, is not
among those who believe the late Secretary
Manning was a victim of overwork in the
Treasury Department. He says Mr.. Man
ming had Bright's disease when he went to
Washington, and that it was aggravated by
his hard work in the Presidential campaign
Df 1884