Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-11-29

had congratulated us, and within few
months We were to have been married
I was Wild with happiness. Alas! Why
did not die theni had unbouuded
faith in her, my lady love. but / be-
came absurdly jealous. / was haunt
ed by all sorts Of fears. It was as II
some evil spirit had taken possession
Of me. which neither my reason nor
her devoted affection could exercise.
I would lie awake at night and Inn
agine herd her calling to me for
help; at another time some fiend
would whisper to me that my love was
untrue. So / doubted and trusted her
by turns and almost broke her heart
with my foolish fancies. knew that
all my trouble was but the effect OF q
sickly Imagination. and would de-
termine again and again to fight OF
the weakness. only to become more
and more q victim. So my nights
were spent in torture and my days in
agony. lest some one should discover
my condition.
lone day became possessed with
the idea that my fancee had need Of
me. l could hear her sigh and weep.
hurried to the house, gained admis-
sion, and when she came to meet me
l fell at her feet and implored her to
tell me the cause of her trouble. She
coldly repealed me; told me was jeal-
Gus Of phantoms; that had annoyed
her greatly and she would decline to
see me again unless I could behave
like q sane man. Like a sane man
Was I insane then? Whether I was
or not, she had aroused q demon in
me. Jumped to my feet. sprang at
her like q tiger and clasped her in
these arms so savagely that crushed
and frightened the poor darling out of
life. She uttered q despairing cry,
and the next moment she lay At my
feet like q frozen flower. Can you
conceive of my agony as I looked at
her. dead. quite dead. as I supposed.
had killed the woman adored. and
l knew I was mad. Yes. lunatic.
She had seen it and had half realized
it myself for some time. but had kept
the secret from my friends with all the
cunning of q lunatic.
well, they bound me and took me to
my home. was adjudged insane and
was sent to an asylum, whore for ten
years l lived upon the rack; conscious
of my surroundings; recalling daily
the parting scenes with my fiancee; the
hurried seizure of my person. my
bound arms and the final turning Of
the key Of my prison.
'All sorts Of fancies kept my b ram
in whirl. At one time l thought that
the flies in my room were soldiers and
l would try and marshal them in line;
and because they would not obey I
would go into violent paroxysms Of
rage which would always end in q
strait-jacket. Then q long blank
would follow. and when another lucid
moment would come l could remember
distinctly all that had occurred. The
one illusion that was with me ever,
even in my sanest moments. was that
when l killed my beloved that her spirit
had entered q dove which had found
its way into my room and lowered
above me always. When: I lifted my
eyes I could sec her ever with out
spread wings. and my ears were filed
with her soft cooling.
my recovery was retarded because
I could not eat Try as I would I
could not make myself swallow. l
knew that food was placed upon the
table tor me to cat, and l would try
again and again to lift i: to my lips.
but my will was not strong enough to
compel obedience Of my hands. When
my keepers forced me to swallow it
seemed to me that l could hear the
dove altering the most painful cries,
and upon her white breast would ap-
pear q drop OF blood as If had
wounded her. There were intervals
when realized that these sights and
sounds were only illusions, and that If
I could only control myself l could be
set free. 1 dreaded the horrors of the
strait-jacket, and knew we'll that If /
did not keep quiet should have to
wear it. Alas! in another moment all
my tormenting fancies would return
and the old experiences were lived
through once more. In this way al
most ten years of my life passed away.
In all that time I had never voluntarily
swallowed q morsel of food.
AT length my physical condition
was such that my sister determined to
bring me to South Germany, where
there was q celebrated insane expert
I remember distinctly the. first time he
came into my ROOM was conscious
of no physical presence. I only saw
pair of enormous. persuasive. COM
polling eyes. which were following me
about the room and enforcing obedi-
ence. l was their captive, their
slave. A cup Of bread and milk was
placed upon the table. The eyes babe
me eat of it. / tried to lift the cup
but could not The eyes came toward