Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1888-02-27

A sling at beauty means jaw forever.
Man was created first. Woman was
/ a sort of recreation.
st. Louis girls claim they are not as bad
as they are painted.
See, the man holds up the post. Is the
post loose? No, the man is tight.
Some one says the age of political
party may be told by its rings.
Woman's sphere, since bustles came
into fashion, has been greatly enlarged.
Self lf-possession in a young woman is
well enough for awhile, but she shouldn't
keep it up too long.
The foreman of the composing room
says that making up the paper is a mere
matter of form"
Men may rail at the big hustle if they
please, but it is a thing not to be despis-
ed when the sidewalks are icy.
''Of what did you say they convicted
the doctor?" "Wen, L don't know exact
ly but 1 suppose it was purgery."
The mercury seems to have mastered
the weather alphabet pretty thoroughly.
1t has got down to the row.
"What will you give me for my horse,
| deacon?' ''Why, you've only got the
frame up, John; wnen he's done I'll look
at him.
| Generally speaking, the gentleman who
has just accepted a situation is not bit
|
just got job
''You can live within your income if
you try" says the wise man. Yes, but
| how to live without an income is the puz-
just now.
A gay rooster tipped on the light fan
tastIc toe up to the occupant of quiet
nest and said ''WilI you dance, Bidder
"Excuse me- said the hen, Il am engag-
ed for the set"
Say, maw," said studious little Afri-
can, EFF Chiny am straight froo on the
odder side, and we are whizzin' roun' and
roun' on dis-her earf, what am de reason
dat we neber gifts dar?"
.'Now you see how the power is applied
to this machine,' said the professor, as lie
started the machine referred to, and add
ed, lit is turned by crank" Then he
wondered why the class smiled.
This was written on the fly-leaf of a
book on moral science: IF there should
be another food, for refuge hither fly
| oil chnnlH ha hnno
ed, this book would still be dry"
Lady-And so you left your last situa-
ton through having words with your
mistress. Swell Cook Well'm not
words-not adzactly what you might call
words, o'ny spoke to her as one lady
might speak to another.
Cincinnati Lady Ito friend) )-Will you
give your daughter much of a wedding.
Mrs. Overtherhine? Mrs Overtherhine-
Oh. MOTT will be very quiet affair, few
kegs of beer, and, possibly, some sky
rockets from the roof
suicide who killed himself with re-
volver said in his farewell note Il know
1T was foolish to commit suicide, but
please see that get credit with the pub
lie for knowing that it was loaded
Chicago Belle.-It is all very we'll for
these English to boast of their heirlooms.
but We might boast of ours if we liked.
Why, when we are at home mamma al
ways eats her peas with aknife hundred
and fifty years old, and we can trace our
family right back to Ham.
Fond wife (to music-mad husband)-
My dear did you read about the man who
died from rupture of the ear-drum? He
No, darling, why? Fond Wife-Because,
dear, have been thinking since YOU 90
so often to this Wagner society of yours,
you might put an extra five thousand on
your life insurance, don't you know
| CONSUMPTION CURED
An old physician, retired from practice having
had placed in his hands by Fast India missionary
the formula OF a simplr vegetable remedy for the
| speedy and permanent cure of consumption, bron-
chris, catarrh, asthma and ali throat and lung af
fectons also positive and radical cure for nervous
complaints after having tested tS wonderful cura-