The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-05-03
W.T. ANDH HUMOR.


ness pays best. and then, again, some
are good for nothing. = Shoe and
Leather ReUieV.
There are 100000 singers in the
choir. of the Church of England. What
vast aggregation of soar throats!-
Rochester Erpress.
Adam never worried Eve by talk
ing about his mothers cooking. and
yet they found something to fall out
about.-NeV Orleans Picayu'ae.
Occasionally post-office clerk licks
SO many stamps that he learns to speak
Gum Arabic, and the knowledge sticks
to him, oo.-Shoe and Leather Re-
porter.
A local divine announced to his flock
Sunday that '1amens" were all right
at the proper time, but they did
not rattle in the collection basket
Bradford Star
Mrs. Skinner-''Isn't your coffee ali
right. Mr.. GagleyP Want some more
hot water?" The new boarder-
THANK you, no, It's quite wet enough
already. "-Jaaqe.
Professional gamblers have a great
many superstitions. One OF the most
practical is that if they deal the cards
themselves they have a much better
chance to jSomervslle JoaraaL
It was fortunate thing for Diogenes
that he never went fooling around in
Kentucky when he started on his still
hunt. Somebody would have robbed
him of his lantern. Philadelphia Press.
Mrs. Yunkupple Why, Reggy. what
dc you mean by eating breakfast with
your trousers turned up? 1t isn't rain
ing. Mr.. Yunkupple dear. but
the coffee looks awful muddy.-Pack.
1t costs $4,000. 600 a year to main
tam the imperial family of Germany.
This statement leads us to believe that
the imperial family must keep at least
two girls in the kitchen. =, ,Somer0iHe
Journal.
The champion honest man is the
husband who placed his pocketbook
in mouse-trap, so that his wife could
not get 1T it in the early morning with
out liberating mouse.-Baitinaore
american
How dared you sell me bad fish
yesterday" asked some angry honse-
keeper of an itinerant fshmonger.
Twas your own fault, marin. | Of
fered it to you five days before. y
It'd Bits.
Old man Cat the head of the stairs)
Hasn't that young man gone yet,
Claraa Daughter-No, papa; are we
disturbing you? Old man-Yes; the
silence down there is oppressive
New York San.
Twill and devise" says the mill
ionaire, and when he is dead his heirs
devise ways TO circumvent his will. 1t
is almost enough to discourage man
from trying to be a millionaire. =
Texas Siftings.
81 want strong man for the place.
What was your last occupations" Il
was carver of spring. chicken in a
downtown restaurant" Take off
your coat and go to work at once. -
Boston Gazette.
Mr.. Southdown Popinjay-What a
charming collection of bric-a-brac our
hostess has collected! Mrs. SEWER
Yes, hasn't she? Eve just been adj
miring that example of enamel crackle-
work on her back!-Puck.
Friend Ito business man)-"You
seem to be busy this morning, Brown. !"
Brown Yes, I've got about fifty
letters to write" tWhy don't you
use your typewriter?" ''Pm in too big
a hurry. "-Isras SJtings.
1t is just as hard for the man who
employs a stenographer to refrain
from casually alluding to it as it is for
woman to fasten the top button OF
her Newmarket when there is dia-
mond-pin at her throat.-Puck.
An exchange says that out of ! 900
d7o foe from oup aollonoa nutv Sav.
enty-fiye make for themselves name
and prominence. These are probably
the baseball pitchers, oarsmen, and
jumpers. Philadelphia Iiqairer
The oldest inhabitant may not be
the towns biggest liar. but he will be
the most constant, for the reason that
he is fond of talking. and the most
that he remembers are events that
never happened Nem Orleans Pira-
game.
A sister always gets good deal of
attention for about A week after her
brother has been Tilted by the only
girl he could ever love. 1t takes him
just about SO long to find out that he
can love some other girl.-SonlerVall
4Journal
Cresus-How much did you say
Mr.. Newgold was down for? The
minister-Fiye hundred dollars, sir.
Crgsus-Put me down for six hundred,
then. In matter of Christian chari.
ty can't stand on level with an up
start like him. Puck
A thief was about to relieve a Wall
street operator of his handkerchief,
when bystander called the latter's at
tention to what was going on. ''Let
him alone" said the broker, good
humoredly; 1--WE all have to begin in
small way down here. Judge.
81 think you are rather unjust to
me. father" said Il fast young man;
unnecessarily severe, as it were. /
haven't the advantages which you en-
joyed when you We're young" What
do you mean by that, sir?" '.Your
father was poor. you know. "-PacS.
''How is it so many Sheriffs and
their officers are JewsP" asked Way
farer. refectively, as he folded up an
Act, 1869. tsBeloug to the tribe of
Levy. answered Top, with sad rem
iniscent smile. Topical Times
Omaha man reading)-Female car
penters have appeared in London.
Wife-Shouldn't wonder. A woman
can be a carpenter now as well as
man. ''Why SOP" 81 saw by the pa
per the other day that an Englishman
had invented machine for driving
nails. Omaha World
When new town is growing all
the male inhabitants of the place can
drink at the same bar; but they must
have at least five kinds of churches to
accommodate those of different creeds.
This popularity shows that religion is
divided where sin is united, and the
match is unequal.-Neao Orleans Plea
yuae. +.
II see," said Mr.. Granger. s.that the
Congressman from our district is sick
What's the matter with him?" Post
master (who doesn't expect to stay
long(-..Overwork."0 Mr.. Granger
-sWhat did he dop" Independent
but doomed Postmaster to
write his own speech without Sec
retary."-Bardette.