Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1888-11-16
Not an Unusual Experience.

The troubles of the novice, who, i'll
freak of economy, attempts to set
up the Office stove, are oft repeated
but always new. The STANDARD Office
force know what it is, from experience
of the present week. The chilly tenn
perature of the past few days feelingly
suggested the propriety of adopting
some artificial means for producing
the coloric SO conducive to comfort, if
not absolutely essential to that exu-
berance of spirits for which they are
SO noted. The old stove was brought
forth with cheerful alacrity and set
upon its legs. A large assortment OF
pipe was collected from various closets
and attics, and placed in an incongru-
GUS heap. It was OF all sizes, shapes
and conditions.
Then the trouble began. The fore
man, with every appearance OF supe-
rior knowledge of the hardware busi-
ness, seized a six-inch elbow and tried
to force it into q five-inch joint. He
wrenched and tugged until red in the
face, when the pressman, who had
been complacently watching events,
suggested that elbow and joint were
not mates. Casting whitening look
of contempt on the author Of the OBJ
servation, the foreman resumed his
efforts. He pulled till the muscles re-
Taxed, he prayed till out of breath and
he pounded till the pipe was as aqu-
line as the nose of an old maid, and
still the refractory pipe would not 60
together.
Then the pressman and the devil
took hand. By asserting out differ
emit sizes and telescoping them to-
gether, they finally got enough in line
to reach the chimney, but just as the
last wire was stretched the whole affair
fell to the floor amid the shouts and
anathemes of the excited group, who
declared they would never again wres-
tie with such an intricate and sooty
problem.
As u last resort a tinman was called
in, who complacently assorted and ar
ranged the joints and elbows, and
merrily whistling The girl left be-
hind me-" soon brought order out OF
chaos. Tie pieces went together like
magic, and in ten minutes, with an
call right, sir" he left us in possession
of as neat line of pipe as was ever
swung from the ceiling.
But, alas our troubles had but begun.
A fire was made in the stove. 1t
wouldn't !" draw" 1t smoked horribly.
Or, as the devil suggested, it leaked,
and the fact became quite evident
when the curling wreathes of smoke
filed the room and necessitated the
opening of doors and windows to es.
cape suffocation. 1t was plain that
the stove was like many other objects
met in the pathway of life, fair to
look upon, but of little value when put
to its legitimate use. After coaxine
and experimenting until ice fairly con
gealed from the breath, rs q final re
sort, a courier was dispatched to thu
Hoffman Hardware Co., for one o
their largest and best, latest paten
alright stoves, and soon o gorgeous
nickle-plated affair, with all the damp
ers and dinkuses which modern ingen
uity can devise to initiate the price
arrived. 1t was received with the mos
exuberent manifestations of delight
and at once joined 10 the pipe, fir
built, and the whole force were gath
. cred around it to receive its grateful
warmth. But 10 and behold! A cur
of smoke slowly issued from the top
! "Ah, WELL" said the foreman. &c al
new stoves smoke for awhile" Blu
, this seemed to have set about the jo
, for eternity, soon again the smok
drove everybody to the sidewalk
where they stood in dismay awaitin
the end Of very incomprehensibl
, drama.
, Then the editor calmly descende
from his tripod, where he had beel
. communing with the invisible worl
in the vain endeavor to discover wher
the lightning had come from whicl
had 90 efiectually knocked his part.
. out q few days ago, and suggeste'