The Memphis appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1886-1890, 1888-08-12
A TALE OF TWO EDITORS;
OR,


different political faith each one using a
side OF the paper for the doctrines OF his
particular party. This is a rather conven-
lent scheme in some respects, as any one,
for instance, can, by simply turning page
or so, read the editorials which nearest suit
his ideas, and he can also read the answers
to attacks by rival editors in the same is
sue instead OF having to wait until next
morning, when the whole matter would
most probably have passed out OF mind.
But the combination has already wrought
trouble, and although there may not have
been much weeping and wailing there has
been plenty OF crashing OF teeth and scrap
ping matches IN more than one editorial
sanctum throughout the country from this
cause. An instance OF this is to be seen in
case recently developed at Dirk
town, A. L.
For some time Col. ]. Beriah McGoozle
had guided the fortunes OF the Weekly
Tom Tom at that place, and never since
the existence of that sprightly and inter
esting sheet had IL failed TO contain in
every issue a complete refutation OF state
ments made and the lie direct given in
| half a dozen different places to Maj. Pat
rick McCarty, editor of the Dirktown
Md DduJer, its reptile contemporary"
| The major, who was OF Irish extraction,
and therefore knew something about the
retort courteous, never failed TO reply TO
these compliments in the proper spirit,
| generally adding at the bottom Of
crushing two-column article that the only
reason why he (McGoozle) was not hanged
for horse stealing in Texas was because
| he was just exactly hour % minutes 80
seconds ahead Of the vigilance committee,
and that the reason he (McCarty) was so
well informed about the time was because
| he was one OF the vigilantes. To attacks
such as these the colonel would generally
call the attention OF readers of the Tom
| Tom to the fact that this was impossible
as Maj. McCarty ut that time was in Jail
for cutting the throat OF man who WIS
| asleep in bed, from ear to ear, throwing
him ont Of n fourth-story window, and
| then jumping down on top OF him with
| hob-nailed boots on. This invariably had
| the effect OF throwing the major into such
a rage that he would, upon seeing il, start
| out Immediately for. McCiooZle's gore, but
down and be writing an editorial calcu-
lated 10 utterly annihilate his base
calumniator."
Thus matters stood; as they say in war
articles, until the morning OF the 22nd of
July, when old Herr Won Sauerkraut, who
held heavy mortgages on both papers, app
piled 10 the court for foreclosure, which
was granted. Then he bought the papers,
called meeting OF himself and the two
editors and uniolded TO them his plan Il
was TO consolidate the two papers, but no
one need lose by II some positions, mol
there could be two editors on the one pa.
per alretty sometimes.
''lll never support that rascal Scroggins
for mayor!" yelled Col. McGoozlc,
"ncver,"
"And III never write n line in favor OF
that internal scoundrel your vile sheet has
been bowling over for sheriff for the last
six months" snorted the major.
dot vas all right" broke In the Tcuton
owner; "you vas both subbort vat mans
you wants und don't swear too much your
sclluis nj; you each piece of dot baper
hat 10 yourselluf and 30 We safe dose OK.
bcnscs. amt itY'
And 10 il was arranged, and the new
paper under tho name Of the DirktOwn
Mud Daulsr and Tom Tom bumped along
merrily, gathering in new subscribers and
pouring shckels into old Sauorkraul's
pockets. The two editors occupied ada.
cent Offices with door between,
which was nearly always open, and al.
though their editorials were still Favored
with the same spicy personalities, their
relations toward each other were apparent.
~ most friendly aud pleasant. One morn
ing. however, rs Col. McCoozlc was glanc-
ing over his own editorial column ho WIS
surprised at noticing that some one had
cyidectly made additions 10 his brilliant
editorial iayoring the election OF the Hon.
Samuel Alexander Blowhard for mayor
II read: "Wo would withdraw our in.
dorscmcnt Of Mr.. Blowhard made above
ior the reason that We have learned since
writing Il that he Is none other than the
celebrated Hank Smith in disguise. The
career Of Smith ~ a liar, hofscthci and
murderer II too well known 10 our readers
10 mention here. Tho only thing VIZ 10.
greet Is that We should have unWitiingly
supported a creature more worthy Of the
hangman's rope than the mayors chair.
We withdraw out opposition Ia josh sCrog-
gins. Go 10 the polls and vote for him 10.
day."
Tho colonel gave n snarl Of rage. About
the same time Maj. McCariy, who had
retired 10 rest the night before firm in tho
conviction that his editorial would elect
his candidate aud cause an overwhelming
defeat OF the enemy. was appalled, upon
discovering an addition TO Il which was
clearly not his own. The editorial ended
m follows
"And while the American cagle-that
glorious bird OF liberty not 10
scream from freedoms rocky hight, and
good government from the men We have
bccn supporting sits upon us like happy
smilc, shall We feel like our duty has been
done. Where can you find better man
ior sheriff than broken-nose Bill Hamil.
toni Nowhere. Where more upright.
intelligent, good, honest man than scfog.
gus ior mayor Where, indecdg'
Below this followed the additional
paragraphs
Where can you got better liver pad
than nj snoozcf's drug store? Nowhere.
Where n better porous plaster for rhcu.
maii-m. govt, heart disease, plumbago
and crysipelas7 WHORE, indcedf
"Note--h we are going 10 press on the
eve " election, wo feel that although lalo
in the day, u IL still our duty 10 Inform
our readers that We have 10 faf been con.
trolled By capital In this contest control
which was only brought about by our
poverty from excessive drink, but We feel
that in spite Of the above editorial that
thcrc u still time 10 declare our indcpcnd.
cncc, and this We do. striking oil our
shacklcs and herewith Withdrawing our