Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-07-15
THE LOST CONSCIENCE.

crowded, men Went aDOlEJ L1elr BUSINESS as
usual, stirred by the same ambitions, and. If
a good thing came in their way, each still
struggled to be the first TO snap it up. No
one noticed that something had suddenly dis
appeared, that in the great orchestra OF life
one flute had ceased to play.
Some people even be gan to feel themselves
more free and more at ease in their minds;
they walked with a lighter step. and under
stood better the joy of tripping up neigh
Dor, the delight Of fiaftering, cringing, de-
ceiving, lying and slaneiaing.
It seemed as if all the difficulties of life had
been done away with b y magic. Men did not
walk the common earth, they felt themselves
carried along above it.; nothing affected
them, nothing made them stop to think.
Everything, present and future, seemed to be-
long to these happy people who had lost con-
science without even knowing their loss.
had disappeared suddenly-in an instant.
Yesterday Conscience had been there, visible
to all eyes, tedious hanger on, always de-
manding attention, and now suddenly its
place was empty. Many troublesome ideas
had disappeared with it, and particularly
that moral discomfort which attends an inner
monitor. Now, nothing was left to hinder
enjoying all the pleasures that came in their
way. The children of this world felt that
they had shaken off the last chain which
had bound them; and it is needless to say
that they fastened to enjoy their liberty.
Now came the opportunity of the violent
Nothing was heard of but crime and robbery,
anda general ruin began.
Meanwhile the unfortunate Conscience lay
bruised and trodden under foot in the high
way, every one kicking it as he passed. Men
walked over it as they would have done over
any other miserable rag, wondering how it
was that such thing VAS allowed to lie in
the busiest thoroughfare of well ordered
town, in broad daylight.
Heaven knows that the Door outcast might
have lain there long enough, but for a
wretched drunkard, who, after cycling it
stupidity, picked it up, in the hope that he
might be able to sell it for glass Of brandy.
All at once. he felt q sort of electric shock
through his whole being. He looked about
him confusedly, and felt that the fumes of
wine were clearing away from his brain.
Little by little there came back to him the
bitter knowledge Of his real condition-a
knowledge from which he had ESCAPED at the
price of drowning all his energies in drink
At first he felt nothing but fear, that
unreasoning fear which sometimes seizes a
man when he is oiimly aware that some
danger threatens him. Then his memory
awoke; then his imagination began to speak.
From the darkness of the shameful past his
pitiless memory recalled every deed of vio-
lence, treachery and injustice of which he
had been guilty, everything that marked the
degradation of his soul, while his imagina-
ton gave fresh life to all the details At
last he had awakened from his long sleep,
but only to find himself in a court of justice,
where he was at once judge and prisoner.
His past life seemed to the miserable drunk
ard one long crime, one perpetual shame. 1t
was not long after question, examination and
analysis, that this became clear to hIIn-the
first glance was enough. He saw his
own degradation, and felt a thousand
times more severely punished by this
tribunal which he had himself set up,
and before which his own will had brought
him, than he could have been by the harshest
human Judgment. He would not even plead
In extenuation that the greater part of TIL !
past life, which heso deplored, had been be-
yond his control-degraded, miserable drunk
ard that he was: that a mysterious power had
cast him into this world, and driven him
through it, as hurricane, whirling across
the steppes, drives before it slender blade
of grass. What was his past life. Why had
it taken that course and not another? And
he himself, what was he2 These were ques-
tions to which there was no answer. He was
only conscious of complete ignorance and
deep establishment. And now that Con-
science had found him, what good could he
dot Had she come merely TO ask him merci-
less questions, to which there was no answer!
Had she visited this ruined dwelling only to
revive,in it its former life9 But then, ruined
as it was. such shock would be more than
it could bear. Alas! Conscience awakened
brought neither hope nor peace; she only
shook Off her lethargy to lead him into q
court, where his plea of guilty led to no pun
fshme1t. Formerly he had lived surrounded
by mist; today there was the same mist,
bat it was thronged with faces dire; at other
times he had been encumbeued with heavy
chains, but today their weight WAS doubled
because he understood clearly what chains
they were.
Our drunkard began to shed idle tears; the
worthy folk who were passing promptly
gathered round him, declaring that nothing
but drink was the matter with him. MY
friends, / cannot help crying said the un-
happy drunkard: lit is too mucd for me. -
and the people shouted with laughter They
did not perceive that he had never been moro
sober than at this moment, and that he had
really made discovery which was breaking
his heart. II this crowd had made a similar
discovery itself, 1t would certainly have un-
ierstood that sorrows crown of sorrow is
TO find ones conscience when one least ex-
poets it; it would have realized that it also
was as degraded in mind and body as the
drunkard who was bcmoaning himself be-
fore it.
''No,' said the wretched creature, 81 must
rid myself OF this, cost what it may, or l am
done for" and he prepared at once TO throw
his windfan into the road, but was prevented
from doing so by policeman, who said,
shaking his finger at him:
''See here, nay good fellow. it strikes me
that you are looking but for chance of dis
tributing revolutionary pamphlets on the
sly. Wen soon have you in the lookup"
The drunkard hastily hid his find in his
pocket and made off He went steathily.
looking round TO see that no one was watch
ing him, toward the wine shop Of an old ac-
ouaintance of his named Prokoritch. Before
going in he peeped carefully through the
window, and seeing that there were no Gus
TONERS in the shop and that Prokoritch was
dozing behind his counter, he opened the
door quickly, ran in, and, without givntE
Prokoritch time to recognize him, thrust into
his hand the terrible find and fed.
Some seconds passed before Prokoritch
opened his drowsy eyes; then he felt cold
shudder pass over him. He had sort OF
vision that he was carrying on his business
,rSthout q proper license. but after sharp