Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1888-01-13

CONCLUSION arrived at by many girls:
A caramel tastes nicer than piece of
gum, but it doesn't last so long.
In the battle of life some of us are
killed, some wounded, while bank
cashiers are reported among the miss
ing.
WHEN man is writing a purely
business letter it is trifie dangerous
for him to wheel around and ask his
wife how to spell "inamorata.
RESERVED and sccretive he used to be.
An overreacher shrewd AMI sharp and Keen
But one day round Il buzz-saw monkeyed he,
And an off handed man since then he's been
Boston Courier.
THAT was mean man who, being re
fused the other day by IN authenticated
divinity, went to the window and looked
silently but ostentatiously-for the
white horse.
NEVER forget to be kind to dumb
animals. 4 few extra handfuls of corn
thrown to your turkeys in these cold
autumn days may make you feel
great deal happier by Thanksgiving.
They have put up an epitaph in one
of the London cemeteries, which equals
in pith and exactitude anything of the
olden time. Over the grave of den
fist there run the lines:
view this gravestone with all gravity,
J--is filling his last cavity"
A MAN so years old recently stole a
horse in Washington. When asked
why man who had attained to his age
should commence stealing, he replied:
cts the only way know OF to palm
myself off for Congressman. "-Arcola
Record.
"JoDsoN has lost his position in the
bank" "Why so?" "Well, it was discov-
cred that he was near-sighted. "What
difference did that make?" "The Gus
toners complained that he could not
see we'll enough to draw sight draft
--Arka1esa,o Traueler.
REGARDING MANS SUPREMACY.
The youth and maiden quarreled.
"The hand that yields the pen" said he.
as the hand that rules the world"
Then quoth the maiden clipper,
While her red lips she curled:
"Sir, the hand that yields the slipper
Is the hand that rules the world"
Boston Courier.
"WHY is this called Jacobs ladder?"
asked a charming woman, as he and
she were going up the steepest portion
of the Mount Washington Railroad
Because" he replied, with look
which emphasized his words, "there
are angels ascending and descending
occasionally"
! II HAVE been greatly discouraged,
said young author, because I've seen
inferior articles get into the best maya
zines just through influence. How
ever, I've had one of mine published at
last" Indeed" CALCULATED Miss Sny-
der, smiling archly. "How did you
manage to ge5 the infuence?"
CELIA-Why do you encourage at
tentions from both Tom and Harry?
Irene-Well, dear, like Tom best,
but he is not very we'll off, and can't
afford a coupe if we go to the theater.
call him my *fne-weather beau.
Celia--Then what do you call Harry?
Irene-My rain-bow.-Harper's Bazaar.
HUsBAND-My dear, Tn thinking
strongly of joining the Elks. Wife
Why don't you? "Would you object?'
mo, indeed; really wish you would.
"Why are you so anxious because
if you were an Elk, when we go to the
theater you wouldn't have to go out be-
tween acts to get horn."-St, Paul
/ Globe.
JUDGE B. with emphasis) -Clara is
that George fellow coming round here
again tonight? Clara (hopelessly)-I
believe so, papa. Judge B.-Well,
daughter, remember this: This house
closes at 10, sharp, and Clara
(hastily)-Oh George will be here be-
fore that, papa, please don't worry
Ha'per's Bazar.
"YoU will be asked to, make. the pre-
sentation speech when we give the
watch to Simpkins, you know" saba
tO"h0U oH IL ullu W VIC 1CS1uouI VI W.
club. "Well, now, really, can't
My mind is a blank on such things.
"That needn't make any differer &c.
The presentation won't be until after
dinner, and all our minds will be in the
same fix. "-Harlford Post.
A CELEBRATED preacher; spending
few days in New England village,
was invited by the pastor of ths church
to occupy his pulpit on the Sabbath,
which he kindly consented to do
During the opening services, however
he was somewhat surprised to hear
himself prayed for in tho followine
manner: 80 LORD, bless this dear
brother FROM the city. Keep him hum
Ae. Let bin not think he is soma
ching wheA he is nothing"
| io I'D,