St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-08-26
ONE VERY YOUNG CRANK.
How a One-YearOld Boy Makes
His Troubles Known to the
World

World.
Tommy Cute, aged one, having suffered
as long as he can stand it, writes to me
in order that his grievances, being
known to the public, may Immediately
be cured.
object, he says, in the first place, to
being forced to adopt Farmer Jones'
brindie cow for foster mother.
1 object also to the existence of like
relationship between myself and the
condensed milk factory or the corn
starch mill.
L object to having my stomach stuffed
as remedy for mosquito bite on my
little toe or nasty pin in my back.
l object to perSOnating churn. I
prefer to take my butter after the churn-
ing process is completed.
object to being kissed by all the
women, old and young, who come near
me. L prefer to wait few years, or at
least until l shall be old enough to make
my own selections.
| object having people ask about my
age. 1t is an impertinenee. Besides,
grown people sometimes remember, and
of ages they are apt i'll keeping a record.
L object to going hungry until COM
pany is served. For NIX part, L don't
see what people want company for.
Company is nuisance. Mamma and
papa have said SO hundreds of times in
my hearing.
/ object to being obliged to go about
with my neck and arms bare. When it
is hot the flies and mosquitoes bother me
awfully, and when the air is chilly L
feel as though l were freezing to death.
object, when II go out to ride in my
perambulatOr, to having myself left
II %l,<N IL 10 i
with that long legged chap with the
clothing.
object to being sent to bed when l
am not sleepy, and to having nasty
rubber tube stuck into my mouth every
time turn over in the night.
| object to having strangers make
faces at me. They give me an awful
start sometimes when they think they
are amusing me.
lobject to being spoken to by people
with whom | am not acquainted. Why
don't they wait for an Introduction?
object to being the only child in the
family. It's awful lonesome not to have
any brothers or sisters. | wish | had
been born when it was fashionable to
haze large families.
object to being called Tom, just be-
cause my papa was called Tom when he
was boy. Because his papa gave him
name he didn't like was no reason for
giving me name l detest. l should
think boy ought to be allowed to
choose his own name.
object to wearing dresses and hav-
ing my hair curled. Half the folks
think Pm girl.
object to being bossed by women. A
man ought to be his own master. Pm
just sicK of petticoat government.
l object to being taught baby talk.
What good does it do me? After | have
become proficient in it | have to go to
work and unlearn it and learn grown
folks language. Why don't they teach
me that in the first place?
l object to having folks bore me with
their silly stories, which | have heard
so many times that they are venerable
chestnuts.
object to having people humbug me
all the time. They tell me what l
should do and what L should not do. L
notice they are not given to taking their
own medicine. What ounces they are
not to know that l learn more from
what l see than from what they tell me.
There's lots of other things to which
object, but this will do for a starter.