Richland beacon., 1888-01-21
A Dad THING.

Dad THING.
"J,!nnir," sail his mother, the other
day, catching the Young Gentleman III
! the act Of propcllins pebbles IN the iii
rcction of neiCAhor joncs's Window;
johnny. do you know that II is very
wrong for little boys t. throw stones:
| Never let mc SEQ yOu DO il again.
johnny looked into his mothers face
with the calm assurance which comes OF
n sense of innocent intent. and said: @
Mamma, 'spoaine Da,ij's folks had
been so particular, Wouldn't it have been
bad for the Israalites .'-Bs,oA IraA-
script.
ANOTHER ONE GONE.
First Anarrhist-So poor Herr Bierup
is dead, ch,'
anthropist ish gone. He blow hisself
| mp.
"Eh? Nit dose bomb, dot he vas
make for dem milionaires, eh:'
" He got too close to dot gas light NIT
his breath.
SHOOTING.
A Young wag uptown started ont with
! his gun encased III canvas 10 take a train
for Sullivan County the other day, and
met a lady of great heart and age.
"Do you mean to tell me- She asked,
"that You are deliberately going to
shoot little birds and timid, inoflcnsivo
animals -
"No, ma'am, he replied, II will not
60 so far as to say that. If | have my
usual luck, L shall shoot nothing but
my gum
EXPERT TESTIMONY.
500 you think the night air is I'M
healthy" asked Mrs. Cumso of her
husband
"People who have been on night
tear tell me it is, was the reply.
LUCKY FELLOW.
Jones Injecting Smith with whom he
was out the night before )-Ha, me boy
Get home I'll right.
Smith (gloomily)- hut my wife
wouldn't speak 70 mt.
Jones (enuously)-Lucky fellow!
Mine did-BoSt2n Courier.
MARROW ESCAPE.
"Spealing of mushrooms and toad
: stools, gentlemen" chimed in Dumley,
"a friend of mine not long ego gathered
a quantity Of what he supposed were
mushrooms, and took EN- home. His
wife cooked en-, aud the whole family
ate heartily of en-.
"And did they all die inquired tho
crowd, very much shocked.
'.No, they happened to lie mush-
rooms, You see, replied Dumley, with
far-away look in his eyes, 'but it was .
q narrow escape.
IMPARTI;G INFORMATION.
Teacher-Ycs, children, the hairs of
our head are al numbered.
Smart Boy quilting ont a hair and
presenting it)-Well, what's the mum
Der Of this hair.
Teacher-Number one, Johnny, and
quilting ont several moro these are
numbers two, three, four, five and SIX.
Anything else You want to know!
Smart Boy -N-no, sir. -Haper's Btz~.
SEVERE TEST.
'1f should tell You, dear" he said,
'tLat my love for you had grown cold;
that I had ceased to care for you, ani
that the happy time when / shall claim
you as my owncst own will never, never
be, would it really bc trial to you,
darling."
"Yes, George shyly admitted the
girl, sit would be breach Of promise
trial"
LUCKY DOG.
Brown-You're II lucky dog, Robin
son. So you married IA girl worth half
q million dollars in her ownri9ht.
Robinson (ratbcr more sadly than the
circumstances seem 90 warrant) Yes.
Brown-You ough; to put up the
drinks.
Robinson-All right, old man. just
wait while run into the house and sec
if can get dollar.
On, SAY.
"Miss AllibOne,' said Mr. Beau last
Sunday evening, as they sat by the dim
light Of turned-down kerosene lamp,
"Your voice is IA constant reminder 10
me Of q beautiful song" "Ah, Mr.. Beau,
how sweet Of you to say that. is it any
particular song!" " Ycs-the Star
Spangled Banner because you always
begin with, 'Oh, sayH "-Ne!rose (Nassl
Journal.
ORDERED OFF.
Lieut.. Brcbrack, L. $. n. (who has
had years lcave) e).-Tve some bad news
for YOU, dear. Can you stand iti
Mrs. Brickbrnck tliysterically) Oh,
Tom, you're certainly not going to re
sign and go into some horrid mercantile
businessl
Lieut. B.-No, my dear; I'm simply
! ordered to China for three years.
Mrs. u. Cecstatically). How awfully
NICE Now We can match the Fan Tan
sugar-bowl with cream-pitchcr.-IW-
Bits.
WILD INDIAN.
Manager Cto new man, who took the
! part Of an Indian chief in a wild West
drama)-Say, them warwhoops and gen
eral yells of your'n was great. They
was the hit Of the piece. You must
have lived al your life among the Co
manches.
/ New Man Never saw COmanche or
( any other Ipiun.
Manager Surprised Where rye git
them yells, then,
New Mani used to drive on. New
York milk route.
MADE IT Up.
Young Dumpsey has been Tilted in
love, but he takes it philosophically, as
sensible young man should. There
is one thing about it, he remarked, con-
fidentially, to friend the other day;
Stoves labor is never lost II. a fellow
saves up his money for the sake Of
| L L 1. I. a