The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1888-10-06
HUMOROUS DRIFTwooO.

Gamblers work card for a living.
Shear nonsense-Clipping horse.
Absolutely false-A set of artificial
teeth.
Viii key is expensive-It costs man
dollars and sense.
Sleeping car Dorters generally give
fat man a wide berth.
A household that has baby has no
need Of an alarm clock.
Birds are not noted for courage, but
many of them die game.
What can pass before the sun with
out making shadow ?--The wind.
When IS q lamp in q window like g.
tombstone ?-When it is set up for a
husband.
Fortunately fol- the self esteem of the
rest Of mankind, doctors are not half as
wise as they look.
Politics make strange bedfellows
And the bedfel!ows do not sleep. They
lie awake, watching one another.
''But I will not linger upon this
point" as The orator said when he sat
down upon his wife's darning needle.
It's a sad fact that homely woman
stands no chance against a pretty girl
Of getting a seat in crowded street
car.
There are two Kinds of window cur
tains--the self-rol1ing that won't stay
down, and the kind raised with string,
that won't stay ny.
Il will now disguise myself so that
even my most intimate acquaintance
will not recognize ma, said a tramp as
he entered the free bath.
Ancient Greek coins have been dis
covered with the iigure CT a. horse on
them. We are glad to learn at last
where horse cents originated.
Y Dung mother, 10 bu, cher: 81 have
brought my little baby, MIR. Bullwinkle.
VIII you kindly weigh him." Butcher:
Yes, ma'am; bones an all, / s'pose 2"
A*Will the coming man be happier 2"
asks dealer in future events. 1t de-
ponds a good deal on whether his wife
has got tired and gone to bee or is Sit
ting up for him.
Man is awfuily smart in some things,
but no one has ever discovered one that
could jam hairpin through his head
and make it come out on the other side,
as the women do.
"What can be worse" SAID AN e1as-
perated husband in the middle Of the
night. ethan g teethiug baby p "You
are, John, when you have the tooth
ache,'' his wife responded.
There are $4,000. 600 beathens in the
world. 1t is no wonder that the man
who chips in a nickel when the collec-
tion box is passed around occasionally
feels depressed and discouraged.
Boston footpad, sternly, yet with dig
nifty: ELEVATE the manipulatory ex~
trenities of your arn,s ! Remain in
statu quo ITO ccnfederate)-Rinaldo,
institute an exhaustive exploration Of
The receptacles OF tl1is gentleuan's per-
sonal habilimenIs.
Organist: GAS your party marches
Gown the aisle I will play some impress
sive march," Prospective bridegroom;
That's good; but he particular about
the hey" Organist: 80, certainly
invariably play wedding marches in
E hat: two flats seenls 80 appropriate. ("
Bobby has reluctantly kissed his sis
.er good night and was off for led.
Don't YOU go TO bsd rather early,
Bobby 2" inquired young Mr.. Sampson,
Its buta little after 81 II have to 20
bed early on the nights you cali on sis-
::er," exclaimed Bobby; "she makes
me-"
The tippler who wished that he was q
Giraffe, because he would then hays q
}eck SO long that 5he pleasure of drink
ng would be necessarily heightened,
should be satisfied 10 let We'll enough
.]one. He might have been a camel,
hat is often compelled to g. a week
Without drink.
A correspondent tells the following:
I have a brother--a wee chap--wto
sometimes says things very odd. One
lay, as he was disposing Of some bread
md milk he turned around to his
mother and said, 20, mother, I'm full
If glory There was q sunbeam on my
spoon, and swallowed it,"
Countryman, to celebrated Hindoo
make charmer: IT s'pose you know a
rood deal about snakes, mister -