davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13
CULINARY STRAWS.

An empty stomach listens to nobody.
Hope Is a good breakfast, but q bad supper.
Steal the goose and give the giblets in
aims
Salmon and sermon have their season in
Lent
The taste Of the kitchen is better than the
smell
Silks and satins put out the fire in the
kitchen.
There is no cake but there is the like Of the
same make.
Who gives thee capon, give him the leg
and the wing.
Every one basteth the fat-hog, while the
lean one burnett.
Who hath spice enough may season his
meat AS he pleaseth.
The best physicians are DR.. Diet, DR.. Quiet
and DR.. Merryman.
He that waits on another mans trencher
makes a late dinner.
Who boils his pot with chips makes his
broth smell of smoke -Table Talk.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13

women we're permitts TO vote, and were en-
titled to make our laws, they would am 1ne
other things enact.
First.-That every man must be at HIM
At ten p. NJ, withou, fail.
Second.-That married men should bes,ow
come attention to their own wives, g. g..
He might have added also thst they would
nsct hat man be compelled II keep his
liver IN good shape. and consequently hi>
mind a, ease. And for this purpose there IL
rsthing 80 tficscious a. S'eele's Liitle Bill.
Pills. % cents per bottle. For sale by j. VI
Mixer and G. B Mmrpty & Co.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13
In a Florida Hotel,

Tourist Ito agreeable stout gentleman in
the corridor Been in to dinnerl
Stout CONFERENCE.-THE yet: have youl
Yourselves; just came out
Stout Gentleman tcheerfully)-Did you
have a good dinner!
Tourist drritably) Poor, poorl I've been
here three days and haven't had a square
meal yet.
Stout Gentleman tplacidly)-Well, I've
been here three months, and haven't had
square meal
Tourist Casionishedl-Well,w why don't you
leave.
Stout Gentleman-I can't; I'm running the
hotel. Hotel News
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13

Woman ito tramp, to whom she has give
some cold potatoesD-If you like you can step
into the cowshed while you're eatin' them
taters; it's rainIn' 50 hard
Tramp-Thanks, mai am, but I'm no duda
New York Sun az
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13

Young Lady-What lovely passementeris
trimmings! How much are theys
Clerk-Fifty dollars yard, Miss.
"Humph The idea Of paying $50 yard
for trimmings that only show in windy
weather Omaha World ~
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13
The Bald Headed Cook.

He walks about with q peaceful air "a
And smile is on his phiz,
For he knows If some one finds n hair
In the soup OF butter he can swear %
1t surely is not his
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13
Agents Take Notice.

A commercial man says, "every travelling
man should know the value of Hop Plasters
wear them for weak back-they give me
support and enable me to keep on my feet l:
hours a day."
marl3eod&wlw
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13
Dif,cu,t to Please Evervbodv

Diflcmlt to Please Everybody.
Grocer-Good morning. sir, what can do
for you this fine
Mr. Smth-Don't expect any more of my
custom, sir I've discovered that pure family
lard you sold me is half cotton seed oil, and
you'll take it back or Ill sue, sir. ril----s--
Mr.. Isaacks crushing in)--Mr Grocer. YOU
Won sheet und schwindler. sue YOU right
away. Dot bure Vegetable cotton seed frying
oil vat you sell me is Won half hog grease
Omaha World
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13

Rheumatism. Geut, and Neurs gia. are ter
ribly trying diseases; for the cure 0t which
,,wn have exp.rimented with many different
rugs. in the euiesvrr TO ind same Iting that
could be relied upon. Nothing heretofore
discovered has had much success as NJ n
ant remedy. easily taken, and almost au
absolutely certain cure A dollar invested
in a bet lie Of the m will pay YOU b. r than a
thousand in Wall street. II you t,eei IL, IL
ask J. M. Mixer and c. B. Murphy & Co.
for bottle.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13

Know myself by reading the Science of
Life" the best medical work ever published,
for young and middie-aged men.
may7d&w1y
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13

track. overturned, and he was scAlded -
death by the very means be had resortsd
to to save life. He fingered few houfA,
but a glance disclosed that there was no
hope, and there was no remedy 70 cure.
Violent scalds or burns are in their nature
incurable, but there are thousands Of minor
casualties OF the kind occurring hourly n
every house or large manufactoTy. ~
which there is . remedy, soothing, sure
and prompt, of which the following, are
proofs: Mr.. Michael Higgins, Belcher 4
Taylor Agricultural Tool Co, Chicopee
Falls, Mass, Nay 4, 1887, writes: This
company has used St Jacobs Oil for yean
for their men Tor burns, cuts and bruises,
and we know OF nothing that compares
with it" Mr. G. Oehrle, Lawrence, Kan
April Is, 1887, writes: A lamp exploded
in my office, and in trying TO put IT out, l
cut aud burned my hand very badly with
glass st Jacobs Oil cured me-" Mr. J.
W. Nevis, 2S Rock street, Lowell, Mas,
says: For burns and chapped hands
know St. Jacobs Oil to lie excellent" Mr..
A. Schultz, Cleveland, Ohio, February s
1887: We consider ST. Jacobs Oil very
valuable remedy Tor burns" Mr.. A. Mas
key, Wexford, Pa, writes February 7, 1857
II have used St. jacobs Oil for years, and
know it to be the best for burns" Mr.. J.
W. Ames, Fairment, Neb., February I,
1887, says: "We lind it Just a. efficacious
for burns as for bites Mr.. W. A. Schroe-
der, Gilbertville, Ia, February IL, 1887: Il
have used it for burns, and can say it does
its work as recommended" OF course, in
violent burns and scalds, and the treatment
Of raw surfaces, the directions accompany
ing each bottle must be strictly followed.
And if followed strictly, the soothing and
curing influence of the remedy is beyond
comparison. The cure is perfect, and .
clear, smooth surface is the result
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13
In the Adjoining Room,

Bobby listening intentlyl-Ma, is pa put
ting up stove in the parlori
Mother-No, dear, he is writing with his
new fountain pen.-The Epoch.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13
npcn ta Mi.con.,rur.iop.

Stranger Ito boy in lawyers office)-Tm
looking for legal blank, sonny
Lawyers Boy-Sorry, sir, but he's just
stepped out.-New York Sun.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13
Rendered Immortal.

Kendered immortal.
1t ever is the poets dream, t,
That something he has put in rhyme,
May live beyond his little day,
And 'scape the hungry tooth Of time.
One little joke that once wrote ,..,-gp =
Is safe within flames portal.
The negro MINISTRIES took it up
And now it is immortal lid Rita
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13
That's him. It'd Bits,
WHY He ,miIed

There was young lady from Niger,
Who went out to ride on tiger; y
They returned from the ride,
With the lady inside, o.
And a smile on the face Of the tiger
.Boston Transcripf
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13

Sue the s. Ghld1 7sS,. They he s are es
Colds, Coughs, Group. Whooping Cough
etc. We guarantee Acher's English
Remedy positive cure. 1t saves
hours Of anxious watching. Sold by
J. M. Mixer. 1874 Watrr street. dru egist.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13
Consistency.

Consistency's a jewel we
Have heard and one we seldom see.
Yet now AMI then it doth appear
As in the case We notice here:
The wife of Smith, who deals in milk,
On Sundays wears a waterc.l silk.
-BoSton Courier
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13
fAtigulnx.

why am l ike Journey longy"
He asked her. blushing red;
II do not know. unless it's that
You make me tired. d" she said.
Nebraska Ssafo Journal
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13
He Mas Di.sipa ed.

He Was Di-sipa ed.
In the chemical laboratory:
Professor, what has become Of Tom Apple
tonf Wasn't lie studying with the class last
YEAR,
"Ah, yes; Appleton-poor fellowl A fine
student, but absent minded in the use Of
chemicais-very. That discoloration on the
ceiling. Notice itf'
"Yes"
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13

NON>> Of the good things of this
NNNNS life are sorrowfully let
alone on account of Dyspepsia. Acker's
Dyspepsia Tablets will cure Dyspepsia,
Indigestion and Constipation; sold on a
positive guarantee at % and 80 cents, by
j. M Miyo- l.A Esn,- 4.s.....t.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13
moxxs b1sAx1.

Jus1 - o0R ~
. brave Ogi.sE,
whose trails rsn
away, dashing 70 de-
struction like : lash
was seen dsspezafely.
wrenching 81 IL CAP
Of the steam aAR
beE, in The hspe g
wasting the power;
thereby checking ~.
speed The hnkes
were useless, and hi
heroic efforts oAne
too late. The e.
CINE leaped the ~.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13

For "worn-out." rundown" dcbilitated
school teachers. milincrs, seanstrcss,s, house
keepers and ovcr-worked women generally.
DR. Pierce's Favoritc Prescription is the best
Of all restorative tonics. II is not II" Cure-ail.
but admirably fulflls a singencss of purpose,
Chronic Weaknesses and Diseases peculiar to
women. II is a powerful. general ms well as
uterine, tonic and ncrvine. and imparts vgor
oairea weakness of stomach. indigestion. bloat-
knGy weak back, nervous prostratiOn, debility
md eleeplcesnees. in either sex. Fav>rite Pre-
orription is sold by druggists under our posi-
tire guarantee See wrapper around bottle
RFice t1.OO, or six bottles for $500.
large treatise on Diseases OF Women. pro-
fs,eely Illustrated with colorcd plates and n,i-
neeOue wood-cuts sent for 10 cents in sta1'lrs
Address WORLDS DrsPENsARy MEDICAL
ASSOCIATION, c. f1in Street. Buffalo, y. Y.
SICK HEADACHE, Bilious Headache
and Cons 'pation. promptly cured by
Dr. Pterpe's Pellets. CSC. vial.
by drugHists.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13
THE WEEKLY
An Agricultural Department

containing everything Of interest conc.rn,n. A..
WORK OF the departments, interesting storiss bv
famous authors, Fun, Tales, Poetry, and eyerytb,ny
business and family newspaper and tba, vi, ~ \.
and old alike. '' young
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13

Terms: One copy. year, free Of postage A.. 90
sent on request. r'e'
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-03-13
Where He Is Now,

Upon the snow, pray, lightly tread;
A grave is here, as you may see;
It's that of jones who last fall said,
This would an open winter be.
RpStpr C,,,trinup
Smyrna times., 1888-04-11
DR.. Bliss. Garfield.s phr.io,...

l met In the Capitol the other dav Dr
- W. Bliss, Garfield's physician Ho
mas Oeen IN very poor health for moro than
year. ne Is better this year. but he will
never recover the strength he had beforo
ne attended the dying president. Car.
ueId's sickness cost him a fortune ard n
practice worth $685. a year His hair
was black when he began to attend him
Ills shoulders were straight. his cbepl-e
Were full and his eye was bright Now
MS mar is gray, his shoulders are bent
ana, while his eyes have not lost tbnir
IuSter, there are dark rings under them
ana his cultured face is thin. He is b,,t
shadow Of the DT. Bliss of the davs Of
darheld, but his mind is as clear as il ever
was, and his Judgment in medical cases ae
good 0'''19 as
asked him what he thought of the case
Oh the crown prince of Germany. and ba
replied that the cancer from which he yvos
suffering was, if the doctors had dioc.
hosed the case correctly, Of such a nature
lhat he might live for q year. offered
Df' Bliss cigar, and was surprised to
ma mat he had stopped smoking His
ClSar Dllls a lew years ago amounted IN
Iroh SSOO to $1,000 per annum. but he
told me that he was forced to stoD. in that
ne lound his nervous system was pivino
way and that he had what is called
smokers heart" He does not use to-
bacco at all, and he tells me that he had
to give up coffee, chocolate and tea in
order to succeed in stopping tobacco. The
man who is saturated with nicotine. in
stopping it must give up all nerve stimu-
lants, and Dr. Bliss now drinks nothing
Intoxicating, except now and then a small
bottle Of champagne at dinner.-Frank
u. Carpenter in New York World
Smyrna times., 1888-04-11
runlshment Of chinese omcinl.

The director general in China suggested
that the officers in charge of the Yellow
hlver works who showed remissness in
not taking precautionary measures to
prevent the recent floods be degraded Int
this was deemed too light a punishment
aud they were ordered to be exposed in
the cangue along the river banks The
su0-prefect and mayor of Shang-an the
assistant department magistrate of Cbenp-
Chou, and the lieutenant and second ser
geant of the station below Chenr- Cbon
were thus punished.
The cangue, or wooden collar. which
these unfortunate officials are condemned
to wear, is large, heavy square of wood
opening so rs to allow tho prisoners neck
TO enter. From the time it is put on it is
not removed till the term of the sentence
has eXpired-a time varying from a fort
night TO three months. During the whole
time the prisoner cannot lie down or rest
with any comfort, and during the dav is
placed IN conspicuous place with his
name and otfense written in large charac-
ters on the great wooden collar that all
passers by may read. The compassionate
people occasionally feed the victim. as Il
IS impossible for him to reach his head
with his hand; but the gamins tickle him
with strays and otherwise annov him =
New York Cun
Smyrna times., 1888-04-11
Llterature for Li,t1A NM.

| do not think children ought To be
written for or down to. Children apa
quite capable. In an intelligent bouse.
hold the little folks are quite caDable of
appreciating the ordinary conversation
that goes on between the members of the
tam1ly-so much of it, at least. that is
good, and eliminating that which is had
When child goes into great library #
Is known that literature that is GOOD
makes its impress, but literature that ia
BAD fails to penetrate the childish mind
Ihey may read Shakespeare or the Old
Testament, and they will never know
anything except what is wholesome and
good in it. / think the whole business of
children's literature, like Sunday school
treatment and pamphlets, has been over
done, and it is in a large measure done 70
the artificial stimulation of the publish
ers The vast portion of it is of a ,,arv
dyspeptlc character. 1t weakens their
minds. ''i0ii
Ihese builders Of nursery fiction write
ABOUT children so and so; but children
want something more ideal Very younc,
chlIdren, almost all the very vounG chill
dren-and when | use the world cbiId
mean those varying in age from g to IL
are interested in Homer and wonld Iilyo ~,
to write about him, or the Uiad stor,, 80
the odyssey. Such subjects are m1cb
more wholesome and would serve better
ends. But in the present literature there
IS nothing enervating or stimulating to
Ihe mind; nothing out what retards do.
Veiopment in every way. Sometbino,
more ideal is wanted. The imaginatio59
OF the child wants to be fed as mucb nc
ms eyes and appetite. l don't mean that
the child should read q lot of fiction oiI
the while. That is not the point. Even en-
a perfectly commonplace diet is as iniGri'
GUS on to a child as it is to you.-CbsrIes
Dudley Warner in Inter Ocean Tpteryiew
Smyrna times., 1888-04-11

| hShed sufficient cause for alarm and
haste. Colonel Warner remained with
the rear OF the army, and aided them i'm
many ways most ellectually, as he was
man well posted in caring for the
sick and this knowledge now came
into excellent use.
He must keep the army in motion.
not day must be lost, and yet he was
without any chest of medicines Rut
he understood the medical use of root.
and herbs, and of proper care at crit
zeal times, and with these allies. he
made an efiectual fight against disease
among his men.
when IicOnderoga was reached and
the roll called, thanks to Seth Warmer
Dut few vacancies in the ranks an
peared. "P
COl. warner saved the lives of hun
dre0s OF men in this way, and he did a
noble work, but it remained for hi.
namesake, II. H. Warner. head of War
ner's Safe Cure establishment to olive
the same kind of remedies then used to
the people of to-day, in Warmers
Log Cabin Remedies" These remedies
nave been adopted after thorough trial
and investigation, and they are rene
dles OF established reputation. Being
wholly vegetable. they can be used
without any fear as to the results.
Among the new remedies is a Sarsa-
parilla for the blood, Hops and Buchu
for the stomach and digestion. Cough
ana Consumption Remedy, Scalpine for
the head and hair, Rose Cream for that
terrible disease, catarrh, Log Cabin
Liver Pill, a Log Cabin Plaster and an
Extract for internal and external use
Our readers may rest assured thatthere
is merit in every article.
Smyrna times., 1888-04-11
The shops OF Cuba.s CaD,taI.

The shops and cafes of Havana are
surely more bright and interesting than
those of any other city. Among the shops
you will find no great establishments Gov
ering half acre Of ground, half dozen
stories high, and giving one IA feeling OF
despair to enter; but they are all ON one
floor, high, cool, pretty, and many ladies
have a habit of shopping from their car
riages, to which the pleasant clerks OF
chivalrous proprietOrs bring for inspection
and purchase any article desired.
In America it is the endless effort of
merchants to get goods of every possible
description under one roof. Here. rhe
shops as rule are more characteristics
and individualized. One merchant deals
in silks and trimmings; another only in
velvets and velveteens; another may show
superb lines of linen; another sells cot
tons and prints alone; woolens can be
found only at the merchant in wools: all
manner of laces occupy tho attention of
others, and rarely will you find the
general notion store so common with ms
So, too, outside Of the textile fabrics tbese
divisions are vigorously observed A
photographer is not ''an artist:'' bronze
goods do not include pottery; the ieweIer
sells Jewelryi not watches and clocks.
the woodenware, ironware and basket.
ware merchants are not each MI tba
Others, and wine merchants do NOT sell
soap.-Edgar L. Wakeman's Cuba Letter.
Smyrna times., 1888-04-11
- -
Wanted IL tn .Inlt

An old negro went into the barroom of
hotel and asked for a drink of whisky.
When he had swallowed the drink he
stood for a few moments, as if waiting
for something, and then, turning to the
bartender, said
Look er yere, dat ticker doan Jolt"
Don't do what2" the bartender ov-
claimed
''Doan jolt-doan hit me- Wen I
drinks licker l wants it ter be licker, sbo'
'nuff. 9NO
why, you old fool, that whisky is six
years old"
''Ole age, den, dat makes it so weak.
Gimme some o. dat gin ober dar. an mix
IN er little suthin' dat'I make it hit. I
may be sorter cults bout my drinkin',
fur tell you whut's er fack, eff er drink
o. Ticker doan jolt me l aint got no man
ner o use fur it. rs uster breakin' colts,
sab, an doan like ter fool wild sucklin'
calves. ''-Arkansaw Traveller.
Smyrna times., 1888-04-11
Annexation of Canada.
THE DISASTROUS ATTEMPT TO ACCOM-
PLIsH IT BY FORCE-A FA-
NOUS RETREAT.

The present agitation concerning the
relations between Canada and the
United States recalls the time when
the annexation of that country was
proposed to be brought about by force
of arms. The project was entrusted to
the brave General Montgomery, as
sisted by the famous patriots, Colonels
Ethan Allen and Seth Warner. While
engaged in this invasion Ethan Allen
was taken prisoner by the British and
sent to England, where he experienced
very harsh treatment.
1t was Colonel Warner who twice
conducted his men safely home, though
the march was constantly surrounded
by dangers. Once Montgomery sent
them home because their time was out.
and though they were willing to con-
tnue i'll service, they We're without
sufficient clothing, and none could be
had in that country.
Colonel Warner had hardly arrived
home before he heard that MONTGOMERY
Smyrna times., 1888-04-11
A Darlr,s Free TrnnslntIon.

A Palmer house cafe waiter, a cOlored
man of conventional attire, handed a
patron a table d'hote bill The gentle
man didn't care for the card dinner and
selected what he wanted.
"You doan' keer for de tab dote dinnah,
then, sahp' said the waiter.
II told you what wanted" returned
the gentleman.
''You want dat of de tab dote bill?'
queried the darkey.
81 don't care; suppose so; any way,
50 that get it."
"Well, sah," replied the waiter, ''ef
you want it OF de tab dote you has to
have it all; tab dote can't be selected
from, sab; tab dote is French, and means
de whole hog, sab. ."-Chieago Mail.
Smyrna times., 1888-04-11
a Distinguished Clergyman. Test

mOny.
Rev. r. M Pickens, President of the
Methodist Protestant Church of South
Carolina, writes from Greenville:
about four years ago / was attacked
with what the physicians pronounced
neuralgia rheumatism, accompanied with
erysipelas. My appetite failed me entirely,
and 1 had an intermitting pulse and very
irregular pulsatiOns Of the heart. A ter
rlole pain soon came into my chest and
shoulders, and became 90 helpless that I
could attend TO no business at all. The
pains were movable, and would sometimes
pass from one part Of my body to another.
sinally the eryaipelas broke out on my lefe
nand and arm, and produced much SWELL
ang. was for eighteen months afflicted
an TINS way, and of course used a great
many kinds Of medicines but nothing gave
me relief Friends finally persuaded mo
70 try Swift's Specific noticed a adooided
improvement while taking the first bottie.
continued its use until Ihad taken about
one dozen bottles, when I found myself
sounu ana we'll again, with no sign Of dis
ease let except a stiffness in nv hand. a
result Of the erysipelas. While talrin0
the medicine gained on an avsras,s t,T5
POUNDS oi nesh per week. think s. s. s.
valuable medicine, and frequently
recommend it to my friends
Write to the SWIFT SPECIFIC Co.
atlanta, Ca, for Treatise on Blood and
SKIN Diseases, mailed free 70 anyone"
Smyrna times., 1888-04-11
Agalnst "Popularo Education.

Charles Eliot Norton is pessimistic. As
compared with a century ago he says that
there is prOportionately less solid learning,
less zeal and ariOr for the best attainable
culture, less earnest striving for the resl
bread of life. What is called popular educa-
tion is perhaps sufficient for the mere bust
ness of life, for the practice of the arts of
livelihood, but not broad enough to disci-
pline and enlarge the mind, cultivate the
taste, quicken the Imagination and ennoble
the character. There is in the public schools
almost no training of the judgment or of the
faculties of observation and reason, no incul-
cation of n sense of responsibility for self.
improvement. New York Tribune.
Smyrna times., 1888-04-11

had been killed,
and the cause, as
well as the lives of
the men, were put
in great jeopardy.
He collected his
men again and at
once started for
Canada to assist his
c0untrymen in their
extremity. But his
efforts were Of no
avail, and it was
soon found neces-
sary to take up the
line of retreat.
1t was the dead of
winter, and only
necessity sanctioned
moving the troops.
The terror of pur-
suit and the rigor
Of H. -