Wichita eagle., 1888-11-04
FAKERS OF THE PAVE.
A REPORTERS EXPERIENCE WITH
CHICAGO STREET MERCHANTS. .

Tho Wonderful Instrument Which Even
Newton's Genius Failed to Discover.
Tho Masic Bean and Its virtues-''Turi-
ish Delight" Confectionery.
81 have here, ladies and gentlemen, an In
renious little instrument, worth its weight
In gold. No well regulated family can afford
to be without it. 1t affords comfort to the
old, pleasure to the middle aged and amuse-
ment to the young. Newton. the greatest
philosopher that ever lived, spent days and
nights studying to invent something like it,
but failed 1t is an inspiration Of genius,
gentlemen"-
The speaker was a long haired. greasy
looking faker standing at the corner Of Mad
ison and Market streets. In an open tray be-
fore him he had some dozens OF the wonder
full instruments whose powers he was so elo-
quently eulogizing.
His audience addressed as Ladies and gem
tle.nen" consisted of three or four Italian
bootblacks, a district messenger boy, a tired
grocers man pushing truck, and two rusty
looking countrymen. The latter were his
most attentive listeners. and on them he
focused the full stream Of his eloquenoe.
COI tklc CloS VI OAC S<lIiCy SChLAcAhCAt yOu
can purchase this beautiful little instrument
No more profanity Ia your house, no moro
need to exchange the joys of single bliss for
she cares and anxiety of married misery, no
more weary waiting up nights for sosne one
60 sew buttons on your only pair. With
this little instrument you can thread q needle
In Egyptian darkness, sew button on while
you wait and enjoy life while you're young
CAUGHT THE CoUNTRYMNN.
Tho last sentence caught the countFymen.
Two brawny arms held forth dimes, and tn
return received each duplicate Of the won
derful piece of mechanism which had bafaed
Newton's skill
A few moments later reporter was trying
to buy out the fakers whole stock on a pre-
tense of going into the business The pat
ent needle threade,s," Of which he had about
five dozen left. he offered to sell at the rate
Of so cents gross.
You mean a dozen, surely n
"No, fifty cents gross; want to get out
of town"
A call at place where the advertisements
said men were wanted to earn 500 q week of
a capital of IS found q little old man whose
eyes twinkled and sparkled like the big dia-
mond which he wore on his hand.
"Can you sing4" asked the little old man.
The reporter acknowledged that he
couldn't.
"ConjureF
"a few school boy tricks"
"Captial' said the old man, gleefully.
"This is what you want. hall marked gold
rings-eTey one stamped-warranted thir-
teen carat, or return money; throw in a half
dollar with every fifth ring; mix em up and
there you are, only one dime. Cost you 80
cents q gross"
"Show me something else"
"Here's a patent cement, warranted to
hold house and lot together. Take a piece
Of plate glass, break into pieces about an
inch square, fasten them with cement, and a
ten-horse power steam engine couldn't pull
them apart wi9nout breaking the glass
Fifty cents gross. Nos Well, suppose you
Try combination penholder, with rubber,
pencil, knife and toothpick. Rather e1-
pensive-twenty shillings a gross-but sells
like hot cakes at a quarter apiece"
Finally the reporter allowed himself to be
persuaded into buying a gross Of ''Carrib-
bean Archipelago nuts, warranted to cure
rheumatisln sick headache. toothache lum-
bago, dyspepsia, scia:ica, eczema, ingrowing
toenails, chils and fever, sore eyes, corns,
warts and bunions.
LAY STRESS ON "CoRNS.n
always lay particular stress On 'corns,
warts and bunions,'" said the little man as
he gave the reporter ten cents change out of
quarter for a package Of the wonderful
beans Everybody has corns, warts or
bunions, and for every corn, wart or bunion
in the human family there are nearly dozen
remedies. People buy these things, try 'em
on themselves, and are perfectly satisfied
when the corn doesn't cure. They've tried SO
many remedies that they believe theirs Is
the only inc,lrable corn in the world"
Before you start out selling these things,
he continued, II would advise you to study
one or two tricks. Big yourself out in In
dian fashion If you want to make howiing
success Of it. Your blonde hair is rather of
color, but little nutmeg on your face viii
tone that down, and people don't mind
blonde Indian occasionally.
At the corner of Peck court and State
street the reporter found prototype Of the
mongrel Indian his principal had instructed
him to represent. A crest Of feathers
reached from his head to his heels, and bis
part was a cross between a Mirado costume
and Tweedledurn In the Crystal Slipper.
Strangely enough, he was selling the ideuti-
cal Caribbean Archipelago beans" which
the reporter had purchased, but the public,
who gave nickel for one Of the articles, evil
IDENTIFY did SO on the guarantee that he bad
"growed 'em meeself on the awlkelee plains
above the Rocky mountains"
Another street fake which Just now Ia
booming IS Turkish candy" There must be
son,ething in the name of the land Of the
prophet peculiarly attractive to the gullible
portion of mankind. Cheap molasses candy,
studded with almonds, would be passed
unnoticed by dozens OF people who stop TO
buy from man clothed in Turkish fes and
long flowing garb the sane compound dig
nified By the title Of Turkish Delight
Chicago Tribune.
Percentage Paid for Betting.
Comparatively few people are aware Of Tie
4I,-y f1r braoty, l-ar RI q