Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1888-05-27
MR.. AND MRS. BOWSER.
Mr.. B. HAS LOTS OF TROUBLE WITH HIS
BOSOM SHIRTS.
How His Long -Sufsring Wifs Succeeded in Getting
ht-A Renaissance Of the Love Letters
BE Wrote Before Marriage
Detroit Press.

fH-h h5nIhScolOe Vi me Love beuerS
| BE Wrote Before Marriage.
Detroit re Press.
When Mr.. Bowser was counting me 1,
girl-like, never noticed whether HIS shirt
bosoms were white or black, or whether
his collars were turned down at the end or
stood stiffiy under his ears. ! admired
his nose end hair and eyes. and was in
love in with the shape OF his head, and
that was all sufficient. I supposed he
wore clothes, and supposed he had shirts
and collars, but as to who made them,
what they cost or how they set was q mys-
terry l never sought to solve. Mother had
her eye on that young man, however. At
ter looking him over two or three times,
she said to me:
Sarah, if you marry him you'll have
trouble-lots of trouble"
why, mother"
There's no why about il. He's too
particular with his shirts and collars. If
they don't set Just 20, he's "a uneasy as q
fish out Of water. cured your father, and
In the course of ten years got him 80 that
he would ride out on Sunday with one Of
my stockings for a collar, but you can
never cure this chap"
But / can make shirts and collars, and
you know how nicely / iron."
'Oh, well, we shall zee. ! don't like
The end of his nose and that sneer on his
lip but shan't oppose marriage. When
he begins TO jaw and tear around, you just
remember what said"
| had fnrrotfap oil ahank - 1onr annurb
before the wedding, but two weeks after
that Mr.. Bowser himself called my atten-
ton to it, We had just got home from our
wedding tour, when one morning as he
was putting on collar, he blurted out:
'Pd like to know what in tin and rosin
ails this Internal thing"
"Mr. Bowserw
"And this COMPOUNDED shirt sets as il it
was made to 90 over clothes-horse! It's
wonder to me haven't killed somebody
before this"
'Do You have trouble with your shirts
and collars?"
Dol! Don't 1! There isn't human
hyena on the face of the earth who knows
enough to fit me? I've tried dozen places
and every man in them is malicious
liarw
I'D like to try"
"Can you make shirts and collars"
Beautiful ones"
"Then you are treasure, indeed. I'll
get some cloth this veryday"
He was as good as his word, and in the
course of couple of weeks had several
fine samples on hand. hadn't doubt OF
being able to please him. Mother smiled
knowingly now and then, and now and
then trotted her foot and observed that
1--WE shall see," but the storm which burst
found mo totally unprepared. / finished
and ironed thres beautiful shirts and six
collars and placed them in the drawer,
planning to give Mr.. Bowser surprise.
He gave me one instead. He woke me up
one morning by snorting around in great
furry, and before my eyes were fairly
open he shook something at me over the
fOotboard and exclaimed:
"Thst's the kind of housekeeper You
are, is it! What's this foursack and dog
collar doing in my shirt drawer"
"Flonrsack? Dog-collai?" / repeated.
Certainly! Here I've fooled away half
an hour ofmy time supposingit was shirt
and collar. Mrs. Bowser, when April
fool day comes shan't mind little joke,
but this is the twepty-thrd of January"
"And that shirt doesn't fit"
at might fit telegraph pole or con-
victm
"And the collar is-is-r'
| as good fit for pirate or some one else
who wants choking"
! l cried, sobbed, boo-hooed. / Just
made business of going all to pieces, and
! made grand success Of it. When he
had gone mother came in, saw the rum
pied shirt and collars on the floor, and
quietly observed
~ wasn't mistaken, you see. If ever
man needed cowhiding, it's this husband
of yours"
There has never been change of linen
on Mr.. Bowser's part since then that he
hasn't gone through set programme. He
pulls from four TO six shirts out of the
drawer, tumbles them over each other sew
eral times, selects one with grab, and he
gets into it about the way a man would
climb out of well. As soon as it is half
on he yells:
"Mrs. Bowser, where are you ?"
"Here, dear"
"Well, what in thunder ails this old
shirt"
as anything wrong with it,"
"Wrong! Why, I'd give million dol
lars TO be locked in room with the man
who made it for three minutes It's
it's-w
He's got into il by that time, and then
it's pull here and haul there, and twist his
neck this way and that, and he couldn't be
more tired il he had been saving wood
Then comes the collar. He tries at least
four before he gets any sort of fit, and after
he gets it on its too stiff, too Timber, too
long, to short, too high, or too low. He's
peaceful man, he says, and he has been
brought up to respect tho law, but if he
ever meets the maker of that collar blood
must flow in buckets. He's mad all the
morning, and mad at breakfast, and mad
when he goes away, and I suppose it takes
him half the forenoon to get his placidity
back.
After awhile I made up three more shirts
and six more collars, brought them home
one day as a store package, and asked him
to try them as something new.
Say you've hit it at last" he said
next day when he put one on.
"Do they ftp"
'Splendidly."
For two or three days he was ut rest,
then, like goose, l had to brag that
made the articles.
"You-you did" he gasped.
"Of course"
"And deliberately deceived mer'
"Was it deceit?"
"Mrs Bowser, a wife who will do that
will poison her husband! Don't speak to
me again this week"
He wore 'em all out, but from that hour
he has never had one to it.
my dear child" said an old aunt of
mine the day was married, "have you
got all your husbands love letters?"
''Of course"
"And now that you are married you will
probably burn emp"
That's just what was going to do"
well, don't. Keep 'em to the longest
day you live"
"But why?r