The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1888-05-17
WIT AND HUMOR.

y
BODY has beard of blind mans buff
Ttd-Bits.
Miss Parloa gives recipe for max
ing .skisses." Another good way is to
get up game of Copenhagen.-Nor-
riStoaO7s Herald.
A Baltimore paper is talking about
the ''credit due to women" Up this
way they always want the cash.-Patta-
deLphia Inquirer.
The reason thatthe old beau's hair
is of that greenish black hue is that
he is willing to dye for the woman he
oves.-Merchdnt 7raUeler.
Aman may have an abiding faith in
the honesty and virtue of his fellow
man, but he doesn't show it when he
plays poker.-Phitadelphta Gail.
Waiter-Will yo' hab yo' beef a la
mode, sab? Uncle Outskirts-'Course
l want it all moved. Think I'm goin'
ter eat it fore it's cut?-1fd-Bits.
Possibly you never stopped to think
of it, but the two-headed woman must
be either happy or miserable every
Easter Sunday.-Journato Of Education.
He has been cremated. Fair fem
mime friend-What have you in that
urn on the mantle, Jane-ashes of
roses? Widow-No, ashes of john
Judge.
Briggs is hurrying home, having
been notified of the arrival of twins:
Newsboy-Extra Sun, Mister? Briggs
(bitterly)-1es, just my luck.-Ie1as
SiftinqS.
Bjones-That fellow Gagley tried to
borrow $500 of me this morning.
$500p-He must be cracked!
Bjones-No. he's not cracked. He's
broke. Life.
1t has been discovered chat kisses
love kisses we mean-are full OF cleo
tricity. Now we know why old maids
have always described them as shock
ing-Boston Courier.
The boom for a new born town is
like the music Of locust wings. One
looks at the little thing and wonders
where all the big noise comes from
New Orleans Piceyune.
Egg dealers are forming a combina-
ton. A pleasant egg combine is made
by combining an egg, glass OF milk,
spoonful of sugar, and dash OF
wine boston transcript.
A small youth, residing at the Hub,
while in search of knowledge few
days since, asked his mother: Ma,
when | grow up, will the calves of my
legs become cows?'-LJe.
Johnnv-...Pa, what is female
crank" Father-"Go ask your moth
er, my son." Gather is busy explain
ing the next moment that he meant
no refections.)-1eras Sytsngs.
There is a new pamphlet out, en-
titled The National Bank Act" The
National Bank act of the present day
consists largely of skipping off to En-
lish territory with all the funds
Life.
Governor = You've been running
ahead of your allowance, Jack. Jack
I know it, dad. I've been hoping
for long time that the allowance
would strengthen up enough to over
take me.-Tid- BITS.
The New York Sun has published
list of Young Men Who Were Great"
Should it ever publish a list of Young
men who think they are great the pa
per manufacturers will have boom.
-LincOlH Journal.
Countrymau Cat desserD-Wha hat dye
cali this stuff, waiter? Waiter-Blanc
mango, sir. Countryman-I should
say it was blank mango; it's blankety
blank mango. Take away your mango
and gimme pie. Life.
Queen Victoria was born on FIJI
day, and the Prince of Wales, who is
somewhat short-sighted, thinks Friday
an unlucky day for him. He thinks
if his mother hadn't been born ne
would be King Life.
Mrs. Hendricks (the landlady)-Is
your seat comfortable, Mr.. Dumley,
or are you too near the fire? Dumley
No, | am not TOO near the fire. Mrs.
Hendricks, but | think | am-er-a
tribe too near the bCtter.-DrGbe'S
Magazine.
Smith Gan old-school medical stu
dent and n new boarder, to the mis-
trcss of the house)-"Mrs. Jones, YOU
are believer in homeopathy, are you
not?" Mrs. JoneS-"O, no, sir. What
i'''.l'N ' OV C''iItn oO' cuilIll-- our
coffee. '-Jadge.
A married man in Wisconsin when
put upon the witness-stand did not
know his wife's given name. 1t was
perhaps not his fault. 1t frequently
occurs that men lack the nerve to APP
ply for information they really need.
-Ltncoln Journal.
Go lone
twenty ladies look better in high hats
than in low ones the theatrical critics
will kick in vain. And, as matter of
fact. the view OF the stage might as
well be shut off in four-fifths of the
plays.-Detrott Free Press.
An Ohio man lived on one meal per
day until he could pay a merchant $7S
he owed him. People were just talk
ing about medal for him when he
beat bank out of $3.50. The too
honest man is more to be dreaded than
the thief.-DetroU Free Press.
She (anxiously) = II am afraid,
George, dear, that when you speak to
papa he may be angry" He (con-
fidently)-"I think not when l show
him this (taking a bank-note out of
his pocSeD." She-O, George. let me
look at it first. -Harper's Bazar.
Tramp-Excuse me, captain, can
You spare q poor chap a dime? l am
just dying for drink. Pedestrian
Severely never drink, sir. Tramp
(stiffiy)-Did | ask you 10 drink with
me, sir? Give me the dime and I'll
drink alone.-Drabe's Magazine.
Did understand You to say, Mrs.
Hendricks" inquired Dumley. who
was trying TO carve the duck, THAT this
is canvaS-back?" Yes" returned
the landlady. "Wby?" Il was only
going to remark that there is nothing
of the shoddy about the material. -
| Ne!o York san.
Magistrate-You've been up before
me good many times, Uncle Rastus-
Its the same as usual-thirty DAYS or
SO. Uncle Rastus-I has ben up befo'
20 good many times, yo' Honal?
! lSa hpan GOOD -.