Omaha daily bee., 1888-04-01
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The turtle has an easy time of it, and yet
he does not have a soft snap.
Missouri has a blind man charged with
stealing a flock of geese: No other state in
souri, men triumph over all the Universities Of
fortune.
Germans of the highest rank believe in
teaching their sons useful trades. There is
young Herbert Binmarck, for instance; he
Is an expert at mixing drinks. When the
evil days come he can come over to America
and wear diamonds.
A Georgia boy was recently killed by swal-
lowing a brass mouth organ. An impress
sion generally prevailed that nothing had
ever been invented that would kill a boy
who played a mouth organ.
They have a way out in Kansas of bringing
TO time unrnly members of the Legislature.
Mr.. Funstan, member of the committee on
agriculture, war late at a committee meeting,
and the chairman lined him six cans OF corn.
An exquisite, leading a dog by a string,
lounged up to a ticket Office of a railway sta
ton and inquired: "Must I-aw-take o
special ticket for a puppyt" 'No; you can
travel as an ordinary passenger" was the re-
ply.
whats the matter, Patl' ''More fun in
the family this morning, sor.'' "Whatl
Twins againt'' mo, sir. Faith and it's
triplets this time.'' ''You're getting on"
Getting on, is it, Be hivins, sor, l behave
the next'll be quadrupeds !"
Willie T~ascott, the Chicago murderer,
writes poetry, and there is a reward Of
$4,000 for him. We intend to nab the first
young man who blows into the office with a
spring poem and lock him in the pressroom
until we can hear from Chicago.
Hotel Clerk-What was that noise in your
roomG Captain-Oh, l had TO break the neck
OFF a bottle | found there, as l couldn't draw
the cork. why, the only bottle there was
a hand grenade for fire extinguishing," SIS
that soi | thought the liquor was very mild
Epntlnmnn-Vnu ara a Chift1acu N ;rnn,
Rastls, and no good TO yourself or the com
munity, This is the third time you have asked
me TO go bail for you. Rastus-I knows it,
Mistah Smif, | knows it, an of you'll com
mOdate me iis' Wunce mo- pll skip out de
fust thin in de mawnln' an neber show up
agin, deed | won't.
81 don't see,'' said the eastern man TO the
Kansan, why the settler on the frontier
lives in a dugout; why doesn't he cut a door
and windows IN a Kansas pumpkin and live
III that!i 'Well, you see, ~ said the Kansan,
'the Kansas pumpkin is so large that it can
not be kept warm in winter without a great
deal Of fuel, and fuel is very scarce"
A mar writes from Connecticut In enlight-
eminent of science: 81 have picked up hun.
dreds OF wasps, holding my breath at the
moment that the wasp was graspcd, and
have never been stung under such circum-
Stances II does not appear that he held
his breath in the same hand that he held the
tongs or plncers, or whatever II was that he
picked the wasps up with.
The fellow that painted the end of a log
black TO catch rabbits is not far ahead of the
genius who catches ducks by strata gem in
Nlontcalm, Mich. He says he cuts out a
chunk OF sod, %sprinkles hooks bated with
corn upon IL, Wades out into some lake with
the sod on his head, has strings to the hooks
which he holds with one hand, and when the
ducks allght and swallow the corn he Jerks
the strings, aud they fly and carry him TO
land.
During the recent eclipse of the moon
some colored people living near Smithville,
Ga, became frightened and ran screaming
from their houses TO a field near by, where
they Frustrated themselves and began pray
ing, thinking the day Of Judgment was at
hand. The lamentations were making the
woods ring, when a deacon in on of the col
ored churches came up. "Git up, dar," he
SAID, ian 90 TO your house-ebery one OBJ
you. Dey amt nothin' dc matter; OATS only
a cl~ippergrass oh de moon, caused by de sub
lection OBJ de sun. Yoa niggers amt got no
sense, nohoWW