The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-04-03
BRIGHT BITS.

HAM FATTER-I had daisy part in the Ozark
Secret" company
Agent-Let's see. That's the play where
they have the real water on the stage, amt it?
what part did you take?
Ham Fatter-I played the tank.-1td- Bits.
Mr.. OLDBoY Cooking at the baby)-Well-
units rather nice baby, ism t it:
Mother-Of course it is. Mr.. Oldboy. think
Mr.. Oldboy~Oh. do your well-er-you
must be naturally fond of children, supposed
IeEGS SiftillOs.
Mrs. MAYNE CHANcE-My dear, you have my
sympathy. So that rich old humbug has broken
off his engagement with you. You have his
letters and have seen lawyer of course.
Miss Piper-Oh, certainly; but he made an
assignment last week.
Mrs. NJ. C.-The wretch!-Ltfe.
GEORGE, you seem downcast. Didn't the
lovely Laura smile on your suit p
Smile z? replied the young man; 30, yes;
she smiled She smiled till her sides ached,''
he continued, bitterly. She leaned back and
smiled till you could have heard her a block
away" And George kicked a sore-eyed, mendi-
cant dog across the street and hurried on.-Chi-
cdgO Tribune.
In a few weeks the papers will be much more
interesting to the man who is weighed down
with business cares during the day. He can
then read that "Flipkins got his base on balls.
went to second on SINNERS tumble of Bon
ny hot one, and took third on Stubbens wild
throw-in of Munchs fly to left, only to die at
the plate on q splendid double play off Sinnck' s
gPounder to Mehaffy to Snagsby. '-No1TiStOl0n
Herald.
"How DIDO, GreenbagY I see you won your
feet success, wasn't it?'
Yes won the case, but don't consider it a
perfect success, by any means"
why, did Grabbum appealyn
mo, but find that Ketchum has $500 cash
left. If had known it | would have postponed
the case a couple of months longer. Spring
tleLd Union.
Boss BARBER-Want job, chr Where'd you
work before?
Applicant-This is my first venture in the
business, but think you won't mind that;
have other qualifications.
Boss barber-What are they?
Applicant took first prize in a recent talk
ing match and
Boss barber-Enough. What salary do you
want?-PhiIddelphid Cal.
ST PETER consulting credentials of applicant)
Always lived in Philadelphia, always shut the
door after YOU never asked any one whether il
was hot or cold enough for him, never wrote a
spring poem? Front, show this gentleman to
Row A. Hold on minute! What's that stain
on your finger?
App.icaut-I-I used to smoke cigarettes.
st. Peter-Front, show this gentleman to the
chimney.-Ph Philadelphia Call.
Mrs. YoUNGwIFE-Do you know Charley is
dreadfully extravagant? He pays 81 so for his
gloves.
Charley's Mother-Did he tell you so? IS
Mrs. Youngwife-NO, but he grumbled because
Fido took them to play with, and so l just went
to the store where he deals, and got pair for
poor Fido's very OWL, you know.
Charley's Mother-Yes men are very extrav-
agant; Charley's father was before him.-Chi-
cdgO NAL.
Mr.. ELECTROMAGNETIC I marry, I don't
want to marry girl with her head all full of
Latin and Greek and French and German-I
don't want any girl who does embroidery and
china painting and fal-lals and gim-cracks-l
want a good, plain, old-fashioned girl. who
doesn't know more than is good for her, and
who will attend to her household and see that
her husband is properly fed for his money. But
I'm hanged if | know where to look for such a
girl nowadays.
Mr.. Raseredge-Why don't you try an intelli
gence office PUCK