The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1888-12-15
PuNGENT PARAGRAPHS.


-Chaussier dried a man in kiln
and there resulted only twelve pounds
of solid matter
An experiment recently made in
Scotland proves that the tortoise can
walk mile in four hours.
Telephones are great convenience,
and yet people are all the time talking
against them YonkerS Statesman.
"A travelling man remarks that any
fellow who makes love to widow is
literally counting danger. -Merchant
TrGUeler.
IL wish I could sell all I write"
remarked certain author to lady.
There are those" replied his COM
panion, sweetly. "who say you can't
write all you sell. "-Life.
Mrs. Barl1ley, are you familiar
with Songs without Words?' " 80, yes,
quite. Mr.. Barkley frequently sings
them when he comes home in the
morning. '-Terre Haute Express.
"A Brooklyn man intends to start
goat farm, which he thinks will bring
him $1,000 per day. He will stock it
with seventy-fve goats, and as the or
binary goat will give three pints of
milk day, he calculates upon ninety
quarts per day at twelve to fifteen cents
aquart. 4 z
One of the leading American col
leges has resolved to dispense with
''class yell' next year. An institution
of learning that will thus aim a deadly
blow at the higher education of our
youth doesn't deserve the patronage OF
the American people. Football may
go next -NorristoiO9 Herald.
-'You should have counted on tho
expense of married life before you
entered upon it, said the young hus-
bands friend; sit was only question
of common sense and reason that you
should have exercised Common
sense and reason?" echoed the youth
full benedict; "why, L was in loven'
1 Chicago Globe.
Railroad Superintendent Of
the passenger cars need repairing?"
Head Examiner-"Yes, sir; No. 800 is
in very bad shape; ought to go to the
shop at once" whats the NATTER"
Two of the windows are so loose that
any ordinary man can raise them, sir. "
Time.
Two Migrants called on kind lady
i in the suburbs of New York. ITO
which of you two shall l give this
nicllel?n she asked. First tramp
Give it to him, madam. He has pur-
chased the route from me, and am
just taking him around to Introduce
him to the customers. "-TcIas Sittings.
Not Used to Travelling. Stranger
Cat hotel bar)-"Best whisky, please"
Bartender (severely)-"This is pro-
hibition town, sir" Stranger-"Ah,
excuse me-" (moving awayD Bar
tender (excitedly) Great Scott,
stranger, haven't you sense enough to
/ get sick? "-Drabe'S Magazine.
Editor Society Journal Ito repor-
/ ter)-''Mr. Jinks. the directors have
ordered me to raise your salary. You
bring in more society scandal than all
! the other reporters put together"
Jinks-''Thank you. The ad vance wiz
be handed over to my wife. 1t is hers
! by right" Editor-"How SOP" Jiuks
-"She is the secretary of the ladies'
anti-gossip club. "-Cartoon.
"A gentleman who has recently
aiken up French, and who loses no OPP
portunity of airing the little knowledge
he has thus far acquired of that lam
guage by translating and pronouncing
such words and phrases as his friends
might encounter in his presence, was
thus addressed by an acquaintance:
"E you only knew as much English as
you do French, what a success you
would ber'-Teras Sttftngs.