, 1888-12-27
ALLEGED TO BE FUNNY.

error OF their weiahs.- Washington Post.
A small boy rises to remark that the
most doughuuts come from Greece. e.--Bos-
ton Times.
There is a charning electicity about the
girl OF eighteen springs w ashington
Post. ...-...ih ~ -
Socrates died like philosopher, bnt the
average old widower dyes like fool
Arcola Record.
A new brand Of baking powder is called
"Oid Hnteh.' IL makes flour rise so
quickly y.-Llfe.
The man who finds fault when his news
paper Is damp is equally dissatisfied when
it is dry.--.Tinie -'s .0r"F r77
The hog trust will make lover of pork.
chops bristle with indignation, ,---Pittsburg
Chronicle.
There's something behind tbis," said
the man as he was kicked down the front
steps.-rbe Cartoon. vt
There is no moderation in the anger of a
crow. He Is raven mad or nothing
Binghampton republican.
A girl always wants fellow TO tie q
true-love.'s knot whom she gets him on q
string --Boston Gazette.
Delays are said TO be dangerous, but a
large percentage Of debtors seem to incur
danger Oil City Blizzard. ...-
The sentence There's no such word as
fail" can hardly be classified as q cant"
phrase. Merchant Traveller. ai
We presume you can judge the amount
OF wonan's affection by the sighs Of her
heart. -Yonkers Statesman.
The tights Of the variety actress are not
half SO expensive as those Of the periodi-
cal drunkard. Boston Courier.
When fellow has the rheumatic he
knows what us himself without rhumi-
mating over it.-Detroit Free Press.
II she who hesitates is lost, the man
who shutters must have great difficulty in
hndinR himself. Journal.
The Inauguration Of the pancake sea-
son brings stirring times to many bat
tered household. d.--Birminehan Republi-
can.
They nave 'potato sociaIs" in Kansas.
The name may be from the fact that they
20 there to pare.-Lowell Citizen.
A man always thinks his love.letters
models OF composition till they come up
In breach of promise case.-Boston Cou-
rier.
Goods in the hands Of merchant who
does not advertise are like rowboats. They
have no sale,-New Orleans Picayune.
10
triu uphal progress through that state as
William the Corncurer. New York
Tribune.
A survivor of the famous Light Brig
ade' IL now u plumber in Indianapolis.
DE still knows how to charge. e.--rerre
Haute Express
washington is filing np." Gays the Boa
ton Herald. Perhaps this figure is in-
tended to apply t. the statesmen there
Atlanta Constitution.
Edison says that 1.-THE resistance OF q
calf to the electric current Is 5000 obms."
But calf is not fair test of resistance.
Try nule.-Cincinnati Enquirer.
BlondiD says rope walkers are born. not
made. He may be right but to be rope
walker Is not sufficient excuse for beiug
born.-New Orleans Picaynne.
Anxious Roader--"No dear. there is no
fixed pattern tor an engagement ring; but
u spiders web with tiv IN il is q very
pretty device. ."-Jewelers Weekly.
little boy who had been told not to do
nuything by halves always thereafter re-
fdsed to divide his apple with any one of
his fellows.-Rochester Post-Express.
Queen Victoria opposes vivisection; but
let u lady 20 to q state reception In high
neck dress and see how quickly she will be
cnt by her gracious uvjesty Boston
Transcript
A western fakir Is selling an adjustable
wedding ring that can be made TO fit any
finger. That is something that young men
have been wanting for long time.-New
York Tribupe
Young Wife (at a bail)-"You are i'm
proving wonderfully as u, dancer. Don't
you remember how you used to tear my
dresses?" Young Hushand-"Y-a.s; I
WASH : buving them thro. u
"No do not love YOU. Charles, bat !
shall always M sis--' Hold, 20 no
furtuer! I've got about fourteen or IF
teen such sister. already What J. want ia
wife. Good day New York World,
A CORES -pondent asks in which of the
arts alcohol is uIost used. We'll. we
don't like 10 yive AN ex.catbedra jud9-
ment. but we think that the art of paint
ing noses red uets away with the greatest
quantity. New York Tribune.
Miss Shawsgarden (of St. LouisE"Oh,
yes; am proud of our city. We have
changed the saying about Naples to see
st. Louis and die.'" Miss Dearbon (of
Chicaao)-''lndeed Il is SO sudden?"--
America. re,.s
Frenchman--"Yes. Miss Bostonia, in
schools of eardines.'' Miss Bostopia--
Nonsense! How could they swim in
those heavy tin boxesP'-Time
Mrs. Selby--"Doctah, de chile dun gone
swaller'r pint OBJ ink Doctor--"Ha0
ycu dun ennyding TO de relief OBJ imp"
Mrs. Seiby--"I'se dun made i'm eat free
sheets Of blottin' paper, doctah. Was
dat rite p"--Life
"Ycu have gone too far. John Smith,"
said Mrs. John Smith. tapping the parlor
! door. ''You have treated INC outrageous
w." what will you do ?" sneered the CAL
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