Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1888-09-10
BILL NYE'S FURNACE.
His Touching Experience with a Coal


n
Consumer.
Last year had an experience with fur
mace which ought to be embalmed in song.
only regret that l am not suitable en-
palmer that might attend to it myself. In
the prime of summer time | engaged a coal
dealer to deal ME some Goals at a low rate.
BY this means | saved enough on my Goals to
purchase buffalo overcoat to wear while
carving at table during the winter, so it was
wise move.
We had reddish furnace and l tried to
win its confidence and mold its career dur
ing the winter. First it had to be cleaned
out thoroughly in the fall Previous people
had used it apparently as a retort for clink-
ers. l desired TO avoid the expense of hiring
a man to clean it out, as it was not what
would be called skilled labor, and so did it
myself. By this means | saved s2.50 to
which l added Sl7 50 for the purpose of pnr-
chasing a new suit of clothes to take the
place of the one ruined by getting it full of
ashes
This furnace had two cut offs, jerker of a
cold air fiue, eleven hampers and a tape
worm. would go down at night and fill it
full OF Goals, shut the cold air flue, examine
the clinkers and open the rear damper. l
would then retire. In the middle of the night
the humidity in my room would warn me
that all was not well with the furnace. l
would go below in my simple wrap and find
the furnace suffering from an overdraft. |
| then sought to reduce the temperature and
we famed ourselves to sleep. In the morn
ing the furnace was found to be extinct
| This went on for Il week or two. Then
| asked the coachman TO look after the furnace
| told him would look after the horses and
| polish the crest if he would try to win the
| confidence of the furnace
He resigned the second evening and left
me with the barn and the refrigerator both
on my hands then secured the services of
a middle aged girl, who said she used to run
the Jay Gould furnace. told her ours was
the same. jay and always bought our fur
naces at the same place.
She said she used to have two nights out
while she was with the Goulds | told her
that she would he treated equally we'll by us
Her name was Lorena and she did very
well while on duty, but the great difficulty
seemed TO be that LOrena and the furnace
both wanted to go out on the same nights.
was her alternate with the furnace, AND
it made me mad to have Lorena absent
when it was really my night ont.
/ told her that she might run Jay Goult
that way, but she couldn't run me l de
clined to take care of the furnace while sh,
was sleeping it off told Lorena that sh,
bad better go back to the Goulds
She did so.
then began again to steer the furnace
| fhrourb
myself while dukes and titled people were a
our house, in order to so down and jerk tn
furnace. l even tore myself away from
mush and milk sociable up stairs in order L
go below and shovel GOALS upon the neve
ending appetite of this great bottomless pit.
And yet the basement was the only part o
my house that was really warm. Up stairs
gradually froze, while tried to seem genis
and urbane. l wore fur Overcoat up stair
while the potatoes We're sprouung in the ce
lar, and on the second floor the nurse and tn
governeSs We're eating pemInican and waitin
for a relief party. Goose flesh manifesto
itself on the exterior Of those who sought I
dress for dinner party on the second fiool
while in the attic my employees were eatin
blubber and hoping for congressional RELIEF
. This furnace also had a sound magnifier to il
Its sound magnitier. as matter of fac
worked better than its other fire did Whe
excused myself to our pastor, seeking at tn
same time to convey tine idea that | was leay
ing the room for the purpose Of some exam
nation, it annoyed my wife much to hear
smothered roar, a rattle and some loud an
florid remarks in my well known tones com
floating up through the register.
1t was d good furnace for everything bu
heating purposes, and l have often though
that if they had the same style in ancieI
times the Hebrew children got good des
. better press notices than they deserved -Bi
Nye i'll New York World