Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1888-05-04
HUMOROUS.

The girl who won't be won usually re-
mains one.
Tho girl who loves William never
,sks her father to foot her Bill.
The man who married his type writing
Girl was in. the habit of debating to her,
but now she dictates to him.
Ia times of war they charge batteries
with powder and all. In times OF
peace, they charge them with electri-
city.
The dude who wears single eye
class can generally see with one eye
all that he is capable Of thinking
about.
.-s..>- -seas.,si2t. aoyz n wasp may be picked
up if it is done quietly. Yes; it is when
the wasp is laid down again that the
noise begins.
Brakeman: Sec here; where are going
with that ax2 Passenger: Keep cool,
young man. We stop for sandwiches
at the next station.
A New York man has invented pro-
cess for making railroad cars out of
wood pulp, but it takes Kansas cy-
clone to make wood pulp out of railroad
cars.
Bystander: Doctor what do you
think Of this mans injuries? Doctor:
Humphl Two of them are undoubtedly
fatal, but, as for the rest of them, time
alone can tell
slturn is 700 times larger than the
earth We impart the information for
the sake Of those who want the latter.
They might just as well want Saturn
and have done with it.
Consoing Friend 0o henpecked hus-
band Why don't you give your wife
piece Of your mind2 iIenpe ckod hus-
band q zed) Peace of my mind2
Great Scott, man, she never lets me
have any.
Mr.. Hopper-M1y have the pleas
urc of this dance, Miss Snob? Miss
suob (wishiag to show her prefercnce)
Thanks, Mr.. Hopper. | don't dance
with every Tom Dick and Harry, but
I'll make an exception of you.
A Georgia m stopped to pick up
pin on tile street the other day, with
the following results: His hat fell off
and rolled into the gutter; two sus-
pender buttons f4w off his collar split
open and his store teeth fell out and
broke on thewak. He secured the pin.
Tramp recognizing friond: 'Gs
that ycrself, Toolcy2 An what are ye
dom in that holef' Friend: 'Dont
say a wurrud, It's foine job have;
the folly that runs the summer hotel be-
low here pays me five dollars a week to
live here. an he calls me The Hermit
Of Scrub OAK Hlll.' The boorders come
up here be the dozen to lux at me, and
it, good cigars I'm smokin' the whole
day long,
perhaps, madam, you could get
your husb,nd to put his name down on
the roll Of our society" Lady of the
House: "What is your society@ Wis
itol Gmpressively): "rhe Society for
the Repression of Crime" Lady Of the
House: Il don't think my husband
would care to put his name down for
any such thing. lie makes his living
by crime" Visitor (horrifeD "Whatl
| he a orimina.?' Lady Of the House:
mo. HIS a policeman
Girl: "Oh you men are very mys-
terious about your secret societies.
Cues, you don't know we girls have a
secret society too Man Really,
did not you have kept your secret
we'll" 'Yes, we have one; it was
formed last night; but its object is {
secret, you know" q suppose so. y
"Yes; you see all the members are t
be true to each other under all circum
4 stances "Ot course" "And tel
each other all the secrets they hear
Isn't it splendid l."
+ OF Jones, the misar it was said,
When death cut his life's thread;
y He never tired of doing good,