The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1888-12-14
POOR CARL DUNDER.


He Gives q Narrowing Account of His LAs4
Sad Failure In Politics.
"He vhas no use!" sighed Carl Dun
der, as he entered the Woodbridge street
police station yesterday and dropped
into a chair
ITO what do you refer?" queried Ser
geant Bendall.
ITO some politics. shan't meier try
to understand him again. 1 vhas all
busted oop und broke down."
| '.HowP"
''Vhell, der poys came in my place
two months ago und say TO me: 'Oldt
mans, go in und bet on Cleahapds. He
vhas der man to get there. He Will
shweep der country
"Vhell, like to make some money,
und SO l bet feefty dollar on CIeafland.
1t Wasn't fife days before some poys
come in my place und yells out: Hoo
ray for Harrison! He vhas der poy
who knocks 'em all out! Say, oldi
mans, if you like to make some money,
bet on Harrison. He vhas der Teller to
sweep dis country
''Vhell, Ipelief dot, und I bet feefty
dollar on Harrison. Poorly soon an al.
derman comes in my place for glass
of beer un says: Say, Dunder, deu't
you be some fools. If you hat some
money oop on Cleaflands take her down
right AWAY. Dot election Will knock
him out like crow bar
dat scares me like eaferytings, und
gif fife dollar to withdraw my bet. II
Wasn't fife days before anoder alder.
man comes in my place to say: Hello
Dunder, hef you make shackass Of
yourself? How? Why, dot Harrison
vhas for der Chinese und high taxes,
und we shall scoop him high und dry.
He shall meier know who hit him. Let
me advise you as a friendt not to put
any money on him.
"Vhell, dot scares me again, und
gif ten dollars to withdraw my bet on
him."
81 see. Go on"
"Vhell, pOoty: soon Teller comes
aroundt init banner on which vhas
painted, Chapman Headquarters und
he says: Look here, Mister Dunder,
like to gif you pointer. Chapman
vhas sure to get there. Put oop dis
banner und 60 init der swim
"Vhell, l like to go und swim, und so
tell him to nail it Oop. 1t looks pooty
nice, but he vhas oop only one day pc
fore Teller comes along NIT banner
which reads: Baker Headquarters
Der Poy for our Votes und he says:
Say, oldt mans, don't get left. Baker
vhas going in by five thousand MAORI
ties, und if you Wasn't Baker man
you vhas greenhorn. Put dis oOp as
queek as you cam
"Vhell, put him oop, und Baker
vhas left out in der cold, so vhas l."
at is sad," sighed the sergeant
"You bet nit me it vhas! A Teller
comes in my place und looks all aroundt
und whispers: Say, Dunder, if you
like to make money bet on Mr.. Young
blood. He goes in by three thousand
ahead of Littlefield. vhas inside, und
1 know
"Vhell, make bet of feefty dollar,
but poOty soon Teller comes in. calls
me into corner, und says: Mister
Dunder. you vhas all right NIT der boys,
und like to see you ahead. Bet two
to one on Littlefeld Dot vhas
straight Dot scares me so l can't
sleep nights"
"You lost your fiftye"
"Of course! / lose on more ash ten
men, but vhas l to blame? Was some
green horns to bet? Here comes man
who says dot Governor Burt vhas shust
so shure as next winter, und he likes to
gif me a pointer. Next comes a man
who says he Will bet his lung dot Luce
runs vhay ahead, und he likes to git
me a chance to scoop der poys. How
vhas to tell?"
"You can't"
'Und so lose more ash two hoon-
cred dollar und vhas all proke oop."
You'd better let politics alone after
this"
Sergeant, see me in der left eye! II
/ hat some more to do init politics in dis
country like to be sent to der crazy
house! Next time l don't vote for no
pody, und if some pody comes to gif me
some pointers / break him in two so
queek he can't boiler! Ivhas all mixed
oop. Eaferypody vhas elected-eafery-
pody runs vhay ahead-eaferypody
vhas sure, und nopody comes out like
he oxpects-nopody but me, und l vhas
wegetables!'-Dctrou Free Press.