The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1888-06-02
WIT AND HUMOR.

A doctors report would necessarily
come under the head of news OF the
weak.-Dulukh Photographer.
It doesn't make any difference how
pretty girl may be if she likes some
other young man better.-Sonerv'lIe
Journal.
A good many women who have mar
ried dry-goods clerks have got two
yards of illusion as a premium. -Ncso
Haren Nescs.
De man dat has de po'es' side oh de
Argument allus talks de loudes'; jis' ez
de mule kicks de mos desperate dat
has de leas' caase.-Judge.
Butcher-I do not like to lose your
custom. What can do to make mat
ters all right with youp Customer
Buy me new set of teeth.
Wife (after the theater) How lovely
the moon is tonight, John! Husband
lit was q fve-act play)-Yesh, M dear
(hic), both of m beautiful.-NesU York
Sun.
Successful young artist tell you,
Jim, there is a big field for artists in
New York. Unsuccessful ditto-I sup
pose you refer to the potter's field
Ha,per's Bazar.
Mrs. Riley Are yes on calm
turns wild our neighbour" Mrs, MUIR
phy-.sAve coorse / am. She called
me a thafe, an l called her another. "
TEXAS S!}tings.
A young man ought not to propose
too gracefully. If he does the girl may
get the idea that he has had more ex-
perience than she deems desirable
Sonserv1l!e Journal.
It is unfortunate for q Kansas man
to lose his bunch of keys. Until they
are recovered he is generally obliged
to 90 to the nearest river when he is
thirsty. Journal.
II never could see that Ananias told
such lies that he should be struck dead
for them.'' "And who are you? 'Tm
a real-estate agent" ''Ah! That ex-
plains it. t.''-Lincoln Journal.
''How would I advise you to begin?"
responded an old actor to an aspirant
for stage glories. "Well, the best
plan is to begin like a good dinner;
with the supe." ."-Neso York Tribune.
Sunday-school teacher-T1mmy, do
you know what the meaning of "Amen"
is? Tommy-Yes'm; it's what the
people say when they think it's time
for the minister to stop.-New York
Sun.
Jaggs - Yes, I proposed to her.
Baggs-And she gave you her hand
and with it her heart. Jaggs-Not
exactly. Her father gave me his foot
and his sole went with it.-Philadelph
Call.
Popinjay - Well, Blobson, you've
made pretty good thing out of the
grocery business, haven't you? Blob
son-O. yes, I've made success of it
in = small weigh.-B4rlingto', Free
Press.
Spring is always a melancholy sea-
son to the New England farmer. In
the first place, there is the spring plow-
ing to be done, and then, besides, the
cider barrel is getting low.-Jouyaa1
Of Education.
Customer Ito barber)-That is not
the razor you usually shave me with.
Rastus? Barber-No, sab. / wah out
to er dancin' pahty last ebbenin' an l
don left dat razor home in my dress
coat.-The Epoch.
He that conquereth himself is greater
than one who taketh city. But both
have to give way to the man who can
sit behind one of the spring bonnets in
a theater without thinking unutterable
things. Philadelphia Press.
Mr.. Saw (excitedly)-I tell you. the
truth must out! Mr.. Instance (calm-
ly)-Yes, indeed, and / notice that it
will out of some men so thoroughly
that it doesn't seem to leave a trace be-
hind Puck.
Small boy (whose ideas of heaven
are not totally disconnected with full
stomach)-"Papa, will we have three
meals day in the next world?' mo,
my son; but we will get our desserts
there. ."-Judge.
He was baseball player, and he
asked girl to marry him. '-Out on
first," she said, with cold, reflective
smile. "Don't fatter yourself" f" he re-
piled, as he picked himself up. ''it's
out on third. Washington Critic.
"Clara," said the old man from the
head of the stairs, ''has that young
man gone yet?" mo, sir" came
back an exceedingly prompt reply, and
it wasn't in Clara's voice either. "but
he is going at once, sir. THE Epoch.
Young Wife, George, I'm not going
to the theater again till high hats go out
of fashion. I always have the bad luck
to sit behind one. George = That's
what / heard the man say who sat bo-
hind you last night.-Meac York Trio
H7ae.
Guest Ito Florida landlord. who has
presented bilr-Does this include the
good will and fixtures? Florida land
lord-Good will and fixtures? Guest
Yes; l don't want the hotel unless the
good will and fixtures go with it.-NeD
York Sa4n.
Teacher Ito Tommy, whose father
is = milkman) Tommy. how many
pints make quart? Tommy-A quart
of what? Teacher - Anything-miik.
for instance. Tommy-Two pints, one
pint of water and one pint of milk
The EpocA.
Stranger Ito young Mr.: Darwin -
Will you kindly tell me the time, slrp
Young Mr.. Darwin consulting his
watch, . Waterbury Jaw. just II. sir.
Stranger-Twelve? Why. that's hours
too fast. Young Mr.. Darwin-Aw,
| London time. y know. sir.-Neso York
Sun.
Extract from IN unpublished novel: