davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06
Homeward Bound.

Purser (making ''dinner talk"-"Glad
you made up your mind to come back
with us, Mr.. Venu. Did you 60 every
where you intended2 ~:
Pa Venu-"Yep: didn't miss nothin'.
Went all through Italy, m all over"
Purser-''You spent some days at
Venice, of courses" ~
+ PaVenu-'Nop. Meant to, but when
we got thar, ther' was food or some
thin and the hull place was under water.
Everybody goin' round in boats. So we
cleared right out"
Ma Venu-"We was so disappointed!
Inter- Ocean. -
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06
The Managers Speech.

1t was in a Washington theatre one
night and an opera company was play
ing. One of the singers was taken i'll,
and it was necessary to notify the audi
ence of the change of cast. The manager
elected to do it. "The fellows will hear
a speech ton: :ght," he said. "These
things are always made ridiculous and
silly, but III show you how 10 speak to
an audience"
He went out before the curtain. The
audience gave him reception and then
waited for his speech.
"Ladies and gentlemen" he began,
"Washington has always been the home
and centre of all that is artistic. Music
has been more carefully nurtured here
than anywhere in the world, and the
best and greatest of oper-"
At this point voice in the gallery
called out 'sRats!" The manager stopped,
looking blandly at the audience:
"Mr. Smith is sick this evening, and
Mr.. Clark will sing in his place"
Then he bowed and walked off. He
did not comment on the speech to the
listening crowd behind the scenes.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06
Wandering Celestial Bodies.

Between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter,
at the distance of about $50, 900, 900
miles from the sun, there revolve some
2G5 little bodies whose diameters vary
from eight or ten miles to 200. Whether
they are, as Professor Young once de.
scribed them, parts of planet spoiled
in the making or not is unknown and,
perhaps, may never be solved. But GER
tain it IS that there are almost number.
less little celestial bodies of this char
acter. whose revolutions around the sun
are performed as unerringly as those OF
the larger planets. They are called
planetoids, from two Greek words,
which mean resembling a planet or wan
derer.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06
Concluded He Was Mistaken.

"Miss Kacktus," said the young man
at the Arizona hall, casually resting his
hand on the butt end of his six-shooter.
81 believe the next waltz is mine, isn't
it2"
"I think you are mistaken, Mr..
Roundup" said another young man who
was standing by, as he pointed in care.
less, easy manner at Miss Kacktus's card
with bowie knife eighteen inches long
''my name is down for that waltz"
"You are right, Mr.. Lariat," rejoined
Mr.. Roundup, with his eyes on the gilt
tering blade. Chicago Tribune.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06
Gould Think So.

Two men on o railway train began to
discuss book which the newsboy had
left on the seat.
81 think it is o very weak thing" "
said one of them. II examined it awhile
ago, and see that the characters are
weak and ill drawn"
81 like it very much" the other man
replied. II think it ID one of the finest
pieces of fiction ever produced in this
country"
Il don't see how you can think
that"
II do, for, you see, I wrote it."-Ar'
kansas Traveller.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06
An InfallibIe Sign.

"Mamma," said the sweet, small boy
before admiring friends. II knew as
soon as I came in there was folks visit
ing here" .,.
''Did you, darling2" said the fond
mother, trying to wilt him with her eye;
show did you know2"
"Oh, you had your company voice
on."-.Detron Free Press.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06
Loves Labor Lost.

'Now, George, DEAR" said fond lit
tie Newark wife to- her. husband Of a
year the other day, "this is your birth
| day, isn't it : You see didn't forget if
you did, and I've been working dread
fully hard for four months to get sur
prise for you, and I'm going to give you
something that's all my own work"
She drew back silken scarf as she
spoke and George saw before him large
oil painting in frame that he knew he
would have to pay at least $25 for when
the bill came in.
''Now, my DEAR" she said gleefully,
saren't you surprised Didn't know I
could paint, did you2 I couldn't four
months ago, but I painted every bit OF
that picture myself"
"You did % said George, "well, am
surprised. How perfectly natural those
cows are."
"Cowsa Why, George, those are
horses"
"Oh, so they are; I wasn't looking
closely, was so taken up with the
natural look this old stump has,"
"That stumpl Why, my dear hus-
band, that's man."
"Oh, of course it is. I see it plain
enough now, and I suppose that is his
little dog running by his side. Looks
wonderfully like our little Fido."
"George, it isn't a dog; it's little
boy!n
"Why, 1.-the picture isn't in q
good light, is it2 Let's move it around
little. There; that's better. You have
succeeded wonderfully with that noun
tain in the distance. "
"George, where are your eyes? That
isn't mountain-it's hay stack" " :,
$50 it is. What am thinking off,
I've been looking all the time at that
pretty rustic bridge"
"There's no bridge in the picture.
You must mean that rail fence"
"No, surely not. What is the matter
with this light3 See, now it is fence,
and there's white cow lying down
| on"
"George Jenkins, that white cow lying
down is lady in white dress sitting
on fallen log. You're making fun OF
| the picture and" 49, .t
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06
pepusAR SCIENCE

IL
phor oil and li6seed oil becomes Water-
proof. .s-s7.issS !
DR.. Julius .Pohlman declares that our
teeth decay from lack Of exercise -our
food being too soft to require : much
chewing, especially during childhood. S
The sugar mite (Acarus sacchari) i, ,es.
timatsd to number 100, 900 per pound IN
most unre6ned sugars. It causes the
sgrocers' itch.of those handling the.
raw sugar. = ssY
The CaucasG 1iRhty
peaks sixteen x1BeTenVl
in height, is now visited IN summer
the more ambitious Alpine clubmeA
Travelling, according to Mr.. Freshieid
is tolerably secure.
The French Government Is about to
build an absolutely unsuitable man-of1
war. This will be accomplished by the
use of ceIulose anoyphe, q product OF
cocoanut fibre, SO elastic that it pierced
the hole closes of itself. Z.
Never use kric acid when cleaning
glycerine bott Hnurse recently tiled
this experimentahd. the bottle exploded.
Nitric acid and lglyeefine form q lyely
comPoSaa F. ha oanSad os,,sa m;th ;Innnn;ty
won pe pounueu WIN. = =. ! :, su.s
Among recent mecnanlcal cullos,s.ss =. sao. =
are a scarf PIN with q DiIus neau .snas,
as you examine It, Is maoe 70 gWitler " ny
pressure upon q concealed rubber ball Z
and bicycle Yith wheels six and a-hah
feet In diameter, between which the.
'tls. s... - =. ss,;..;aa.;s aogs,tv -
a. aMusedm Taaas rergions q +ranslep @ ~ -
Ine frencn opohs. M a.. ;.tass,.s sass caI; ~
Lyons NJ Ms Gus has lSng aaa essn osSsr So.
lsetlng aitaIs prles.g ioDes ana osas.
oD!ecss Ielaelng .osIeng loas SsIs..9 "a = D.;
ana 1nsse nave peen plsssnss s..:,Gu : :, hs Z
on co9o!1lon !nas asal.sols pu.leie ~ "
PROVIDED Wnlcn mas Deen aone; &
An automatic chess recorder has been.
produced by DR.. Wurstemburger oi
Zurich An ingenious electrical ar
irangement prints on q strip OF paper
the index number and letters OF the
square from and to which the piece y
moved, and wSres of the. black pieces
have + $ ditfe5es tf 81 l!aee ea see tape from
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06
Tommy's Remarkable Standing.

Tommy's Remarkable Standing.
Pa-"Tommy, how do you stand in
your Glass;"
Tommy-"I'm the sixteenth, pa"
"You lazy little rascal!"
A few days later pa asks Tommy
again:
"How do you stand now in your classl
Have you gone up anyW
ssI'm the seventeenthW .-.
"Why the other day you told me you
were the sixteenth"
"Yes, but new boy was put in the
class yesterday."-Tezas Sytings.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06
A TERRIBLE MISTAKE"

Mr.. John Jones:
You are requested to draw two weeks
salary, and for reasons with VIII ich trust YOU
are acquainted, seek another position.
P. V. KNICKER,
..4. President Drovers' Bank.
PHILADELPHIA, Dec. 1s, 1897
How many times John Jones had read
this note he could hardly have told.
'.Reasons with which trust you are &C.
quainted. He, the cashier of the Dro-
Ters' Bank, dismissed for reasons with
which he was acquainted. What did he
meaa2--Nhat were the reasons, and why
was he supposed to be acquainted with
them2 These were some of the aues-
tions which he was putting to himself as
e. he sat in his loom almost stupe6ed.
Is He did not fear inability to procure
another situation John Jones was too
well known and had been too faithful in
his services at his bank to fear that; but
why was he dismissed2
Well, he couldn't find out until the
next day, unless, to be sure, he called
upon Mr.. Knicker at his home, and that
John couldn't do in, the state of mind he
was in justSthen.
The feeling of injured innocense is
together unpleasant after all, and
- inally dispersed the constantly re.
Ing questions, and prepared to go
He would go and see Beth, his
eth, and together they would talk over
he matter, and he would decide what
TO do. -.-...
y John Jones had been sick all day. A
blind headache had begun to bother him
before he had left the bank the day be-
fore, and had grown constantly worse all
that night until when morning came he
was unable to 60 to his business. The
headache was forgotten now; occasion
. throb of pain would make him vince
physically, but his thoughts were too
thoroughly occupied with that uuac-
countable note to realize the pain.
l. He soon left the house and decided to
walk up Chestnut street and thence to
bee Beth. He aaw no one, did not even
feel the exertion of walking, until he
brought up witha bang against gentle
man who was going in the opposite di-
rection. He mechanically apologized
and started on, but soon did the same
thing again, and saw he was unable to
think about the present, even enough to
dodge his fellow pedestrians. He called
. cab and gave the driver orders to take
him to Beth's home. Before he realized
that they had started he Was aroused by.
the sudden pulling up of the vehicle, and
the man, clambering down from his seat,
opened the door and stood waiting for
him to get out. He did so, and started
mp to ring the bell when the driver called
after him. He had forgotten the mans
fee. He paid him, and then pulled the
bell.
>: The door opened and he passed in, not
speaking to the servants who admitted
him. He seated himself and didn't
moYea for three or four minutes. This
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
Then and Now-An Infallible Sign
- A Man of Ability-Homewar
Bound-A Summer Days
IdyI, Etc, Etc.

He was a man Of some account,
And well among his neighbors stood:
For any reasonable amount
His name was good.
He took to drink, and soon his nose
Assumed tint as red as bloo1
And now, as far as credit goes,
His name is Mud.
ar- .... Boston Courier.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06
A Man of Ability.

edo you know if Brown is man Of
ability, Dumley ~
~ don't know anything about Brown
or his ability either, and don't want to
know. He refused to lend me twenty
five dollars six months ago, and I havn't
noticed him since"
"He seems to be man of financial
ability, Dumley. ."-Epoch. 5,..
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06

Vermont's maple sugar crop this season
is in quantity and in quality above the
average, owing to recently introduced
improvements in its manufacture. The
yield is estimated at 10, 900, oo0 pounds.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06
Working in the Dark.

ssMa and J." she said, shyly, ''are more
like sisters than mother and daughter" "
"Yes2" he said, with a lingering in.
Election on the afterguard of the ''yes''
which rose clear to the ceiling.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06

Chicago fruit dealers are buying large
tracts of land in Sonora, Mexico, to en-
gage in orange culture.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06

"No. no, my dear, -
"You're just as mean as you"
"Now, now, dearie, IT,"
"You're horrid; you just are! I'll
never paint another picture as long as l
live. I never will Pree Press.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06
The JOY of Welded Life.

Pure welded life mans Joy completes,
Philosophers have said,
How true this is when baby eats
Milk crackers in the bed
/, At night. and twixt the snowy sheets
Three-cornered crumbs are spread
= - Boston Courier.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06
Id up and asked for Beth.
= ghter is engaged at present, u

ghter is engaged at present."
lir. Hughes.
Beth engaged when he, her betrothed
sband, was waiting to see here That
IS very strange; he couldn't under
and it Bnt he said: "Very we'll, I
Ill wait"
"Miss Hughes will be unable to see
lou this evening and requested me to
i:e you this package. lam sorry, Mr..
Zones, but must beg you to discon-
tinue your calls"
Great God What did it mean John
was thoroughly, painfully wide awake
now, and sprang to his feet.
"Bertha can't see me, and you ask me
to discontinue my visits Please tell
me why 2"
He was now standing perfectly straight
md gazing composedly but intently at
yr. Hughes.
"I trust that you understand the
esons, Mr.. Jones, as we'll as do" said
Hughes, with peculiar look.
post the identical words Knicker
ID in his note. John turned with
Ard and left the house. He did
IA his overcoat, although the
pld.. He tipped his hat over
Awalked. He now realized
Hwas. His head throbbed
1t would bust. What
., wen made him smile a
He pulled his hat
that its tlghtness
Ied if that would
=. kpy harder. He
Rouid ache any
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06

Iyant who aroused him.
eh to see, sir Z"
for the first time
1.-The man before.
! the man started
hh fhe were i'll. John
5n to his question, but
Miss Hughes that Mr..
le .parlor. Then he set
Former position and did
lin until Mr.. Hughes en-
.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-06-06

Mr.. John Jones:
You are requested to draw two weeks
salary, and for reasons with whc ch I trust you
are acquainted, seek another position.
P. v. KN1CKER,
President Drovers, Rank
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1888-08-03
PREPARE FOR 7HEm.

There is an unusually large numbs
of tramps, thieves, burglars and gar
rioters in town. It matters little visa
brought them here or whence the,
came; it Is enough to know that the,
ara here and that they ere industri-'
ously plying their several trades
Numero Is cases of burglary have been
reported within the past few weeks {;
petty tnefts are of common Occurrences
snd during the week there have been a.
least three instances of gandbag-
gins on the public streets. /
ia not With. 1.-The intention o.
creating scare that we call attention
to this matter. but rather to indicate
to the people the necessity Of .exercisins
extraordinary aesation and watchfui,
ness. With the necessarily limited po
lice force, 1t is ont OF the question tina,
the officers can visit othst than the busi
mesa and more tnickly populated quar-
ters Of the city. Outside districts musI
go without protection. save such as the
residents can furnish themselves and
afford; nor can the police offer protec-
ton to belated pedestrians going to
their homes in distant parts Of town.
AS general proposition the individ
nal must hook out for himself per-
sonally and prctsct his oEn property
against the. thieves and burglars who
infest the city. Wisdom, therefore,
suggests the propristy OF persons
whose business or pleasure takes them
into the dark streets after night going
armed and prepared to defend them
selves, as wellas to wing" any Of the
ugly fraternity who may attack them.
In the past there have beer times when
the city was grieVously afflicted by.
thieves and 'footpsds. but caution and.
vigilance on the part OF the.
people as well rs by the officers, have.
soon starved and driven out the IN
desirable characters. If one or two OF
She ugly gentry shall meet their
deserts at the hands OF citizen pre-
pared for their reception. the birds of
prey will all either take flight, or essse
TO operate IN Salt Lake.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1888-08-03

IN KANSAS City, last week, a coIored
iaOorer named Charles Gum, died st
the advanced age of IS years, leaving
eigns widows to mourn his loss or re-
loice ct his death as they preferred.
de had been married nine times, and
always In church, and never had a di.
Yorce. His eight widows live In K ansas
oity, and are well acquainted with each
otner. though no two of them ever
lived together.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1888-08-03

SENATOR PALMER, of Michigan, say,
he Is not candidate for reelection
IL cost Palmer good deal Of nonsy to
get into the Senate, and he has doubt
less come to the conclusion that the in
vestment was not paying one. The
title OF Senator which be doesn't know
now 70 wear, and the duties of the Office
which ne hasn't the ability to perform
well, ara valuable only to vain and
shailoW-pated man; and Senator Pal
mer Is said to possess some good. old
common sense with his mill
lions.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1888-08-03
THE CIGAR LABEL.

A telegram in this issue of The
HERALD says the Cigarmakers' Inter-
national Union will not abide by the de-
cision the other day In the New Jersey
Chancery Court In ref erence to their
label, bat will carry the case to the
United States Supreme Court. The
ruling Of the New Jersey Court was to
the effect that a label or trade mark
can only become q property right
through the actual marketing of the
marked goods by the party claiming
the proprietary right in the trade
marx. The Cigsrmakers' Unien.
in,sts incorporated capacity, docs not
make and sell the cigars to which the
label Is affixed, and where no such su-
p!ication or use Is made the court holds
that ne title can be acquired. The
action was brought by the Union
against non-union oigsrmaker who
affixed the Union label to his goods.
II this decision shall be sustained
labor unions will either have to 20
actively into the business of producing
the articles which the label is intended
to protect, or they will have to adopt
some other plan for designating union
made goods. The only object of the
international label Is to show that the
cigars are Union made, and thus enable
the Union to make war on those who
patronize non-union and scab labor.
The trade mark is simply device to
aid in boycott.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1888-08-03

+ EVERY MAN, woman and child In
America, including the drunkards and
saloonkeepers, can stand upon IT,
says the Louisville BslleIn of thu
cheap whisky plank in the Chicago
platform. The Bulletin Is the recognized
ryan Of the KENTUCKY whisky dis.il
isrs. The less support of that Kind
the Republican party has the better it
will be. -
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1888-08-03
0fthege!Sgit You

&5xSE[7zs5G
Forty acres south Of town; all Of In pieces
to suit; easy terms,
Forty acres north Of town; all or IN piecef
to suit; easy terms. Orwfll exchange either
of the above pieces for city property
= -Four whole blocks on the North Bench.
One hundred lots on the North Bench
VIII exchange nice little rancho for city
property.
VIII trade fifteen lots In Denver.
Will trade twenty-five Lots in San Diego
California
VIII trade you something good for an
equity. - f.:.......
VIM trade you iruit orchard In San Jese,
California
VIII trade you eastern or western property
assume an incumbrance, or pay cash dit
ference.
Will sell you anything in any part of town
or country. Only let US know your wants.
We wait twenty-five houses to rent
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1888-08-03
AIeound Legal Opinion.

=. Bainbridge Munday ESQ, County
Atty, Clay Co., Tex, says: "HaVt
used Electric Bitters with most happy
results. Ny brother also was yery low
with Malariai Fever and Jsundice, bul
vas Cured by timely use of this medi.
cr0e. Am satisfied Electric Bittsrs
saved his Iife.n -
;, MP. D: I. Wilcoxson, of Horse Cave,
ky:. adds like testimony, SAYING: He
positively believes he would have died
mad 1t not been for Electric Bitters.
This great remedy will ward off, as
vel as cure all Malaria Diseases. end
or az kidney. Liver and Stomach Dis
-Ser3 Glands aneoualed. Prics 5Ooents
IA Z. az A. {. Smith & Co.'S. Drup
Tore.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1888-08-03

= PnoHrBITroEIsTs expect to poll
vetes for thsir ticket in New
this year. II they succeed, the
eerasic majority in the State viii!
nething tremendous.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1888-08-03
PEOPLES TICKET.
General Election.
monday AUGUST 6, 1888.

Ls Far Relectmnaa
ELIAS A. SMITH
For COuAty Clerk:
JOHN O. CUTLER
Tor Prosecuting Attorney:
JAMES II. MOYLE.
Fer Recorder:
GEORGE NJ. CANNON.
Fer Assessor.
JESSE w. FOX, JR.
Tor Surveyor:
J. D. n. &cALLIsTER.
For Treasurer:
L. e. CUMMINGS.
For Sheriff:
ANDREW J. BURT.
For Coroner;
GEORGE J. TAYLOR.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1888-08-03

EssE DhELE HERALD q published every
18cratng, Mondays excepted, at THE
HERALD Block, corner West Temple and
FIRST South Streets, Salt Lake City, by TIRE
HERALD COMPANY. Subscription price, IN
advance, $1,000 per AMMAN, post paid ::
@H9 eEMI-WEEKEx sHERAED is published
svery Wednesday and Saturday morning
Price, in. advance. $500 per yeas: SIX
months, n.75, post psld.
TaK' NAEKLY HERALD is published every
fhuEfdGy morning. Price, IN advance,
va 90 per year; six months, 81 90, post paid.
11xeB SgEDAY HERALD Is published every
Sunday morning Price, In advance. so
scr annum, postpaid Z 49,.
6EHscRIBERs WILL confer 8 favor by for
wsrding information to this Office when
SAeiT papers are not promptly received
TAis VIII aid Us TO determine where the
eNSsltHee. -. ~ :"
EA4+ e0xxUNIc&rIoNs should be addressed
THE HERALD,
:, 8alt Lake City,. Utah.