Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1888-12-27
SOME SMALL COMFORTS.

. w ESTEEN tram ToDUerd VINO Fffi6 the
mail bags use their rifles on the train
men, too.
NATURE is just with compensation
for losses. The toothless man is not
apt to bite off more than he can chew.
Neio Orleans Picaystqe,
You've doctor They don't bleed
people nowadays as they did twenty
years ago, do they, Professors Profess
sor--Not with the lancet Doctor
HUSBAND Ito wife with pet dog
You should have married Fido instead
of me- Wife (regret.ully) But poor
Fido hadn't any money, don't you
know. - Washington Post
HE-My darling. I really believe my
rheumatism has wholly disappeared.
She-O I am 80 sorry Now We shall
never know when the weather is going
to change. Boston Beacon.
WHAT little basket is that you are
cleaning, Johnnie ?" asked Merritt.
"That's the fish-basket dad told you he
carried the 200 pounds of fish home in
last night. "Neao York sam.
PATERFAMrLIAs--W Why, Ethel You
don't mean to marry that baldheaded
Professor Wiseman? Ethel-It is true
he is bald, but think how many young
men of to-day are bald on the inside of
their heads. Idea
AN item is going the rounds alleging
that the hustle is liable to explode and
should be labeled Hazardous" Bustles
are as safe as coal-scuttles. We've held
many of them on our lap without risk.
Detroit Free Press.
"YoU may bring me some satanized
crustaceans, said Miss Boston to the
waiter. miami" gasped the astonished
mental, Don't you understand me?
I want deviled crabs" 80, yes'm!
Bring 'em right away".-Idea."
acknowledgements must be getting
up in the world. Did you notice how
politely his tailor bowed to him? Boil
ton-Humphl The poor fellow knows
he's got to be civil, if he ever expects
to collect cent.--NeW York Sun.
A New YORK clergyman. dismissed
from the pulpit q few months ago, is
now acting as brakeman on railroad
train. His experience in coupling was
no doubt strong recommendation for
the position-Norristosoaa Herald.
GRIMsBY-That man, banks, gets
more matter accepted by the news
papers and magazines than any other
person of my acquaintance. Danks-
Is that SO? He doesn't look Like liter
airy fellow. Grimsby-He isn't; he is
an advertising agent. -Bostow Post.
PHrLADELPHIAN-Is there much must
cal culture in Prairie City Westerner-
Musical culture? Well, should smile.
Why, sir, the Prairie City folks just
turn out and mob the Salvation Army
every time the bass drummer gets out
of tune with the cornet. Philadelphia
Record
THRIFTY mother-Ellen, why will
you persist in eating the soft part Of
your bread and leaving the crusts under
the edge of your plate? Some day you
may be glad to get even crusts to eat.
Thoughtful daughter Yes, mother,
that's what I'm saving them for.-Bos-
tom transcript.
In the columns of medical contem-
porary it is asserted that there is q
patient in the Pekin Hospital who COM
plains that there is another man inside
him who keeps up perpetual CONVEX
sation. That man must have been COM
PEELED to eat his own words.
Court journal.
INDIGNANT citizen-When I bought
this horse you told me that with lit
tie training he would make first-class
animal for the track. Horse-dealer-
And so he will! Citizen--I tried him
yesterday, and he was seventeen min
utes trotting mile! Horse-dealer-
Oh, didn't mean raee- track, friend !;
I meant street-car track.-TiRae.
!. WHEN a wife gets to reading one of
the old diaries her husband used to
keep before he was married and fnds
an entry that says: Prayer meeting
out at 10 o'clock; home at IL 49, she
can't help wondering just whore the
young man was and what he was doing
for that mysterious hour and forty-five
minutes SO many years ago.-Jostrssal
of Education.
HE was new conductor on his first
trip. As he passed the corner hand
somely dressed young woman nodded
her head graciously. The new con-
ductor tipped his hat with tho utmost
politaness, and turning to q passenger
ON the platform, said: How that for
a mash, eh?" "She wanted you to stop
the car" replied the passenger.
"B'gosh!" exclaimed the new eonduc-
tor, II never thought Of that. It may
turn out smash instead of mash. ~
Epoch.
WHEN JIM WAS DEAD.
When Jim was dead,
Hit sarved him right" the naboEs ssd
An 'bused him for the life he'd led,
An him a-lying thar ct rest
With not q rose upon his breasti
All menny cruel words they SEQ
When Jim was dead.
yea killed bisseif,D @Too mean tar I've"
They didn't hay one word ter give
OF comfort az they lowered near
An gAzed on Jim a-lying therel
AThar amt no use ter talk, they ssd.
aHe's better dead!"
While Gods white sunshine seemed tar An
The dark place with gleam of life.
An DER the dead she bent-Jfm'a wifel
An with hex lips 0lose--closs to his,
As tho he knew an left the kiss,
She sebbed--a touchin' sight ter see
4Aht Jim was always good ter mel"
tell you when that cum to light
It kinder set the dead man right;
An round the weeI In woman thar
Throwsd kindly arms Of love that Dag,
And mingled with her own they shed