Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1888-12-29

An UNKNOWN LADY s LETIEh-HoW TO MAKE
GOOD sERvANrs-woNES AND LADIES.
There are ALWAYS questions which puzzle
those entering society," and no doubt some Of
the readers of The STAR have thought over
those which are answered in this column to-
day.
"Wil Won be kind enough to inform me the
proper heading to use in reply to an unknown
Iady's letter. referring 10 business matter.
Should saw Nv Dear Mrs. s. or Madam"
Always ssmadam." It Is Of no importance to
you whether she is married or single. Madam"
Is proper. Our language needs the very con-
venient French ..mademOiselle," in English
'.niss' is not considered respectful; SO we
nnst use ''madam.
HA. CT. is hardly expected of caller
that be would call later than soclock.
INVITATIONS TO WEDDINGS.
FLORENCE FrrzGERALD-It is ALWAYS proner
to send card in answer to an invitation to a
wedding. 1t is no longer the custom to turn
down the edge of visiting cards. One card. with
the lady's and daughters name engraved on
it. and the husbands card. left separately. il
the usual form in leaving cards. Afternoon tea
is served from table, not handed about IL
does not matter whether the table is in the
psrlOr the dining room-
NJ. o. Ut is best always to be forgiyinp
and to meet kindness half way. Accept the
gifts with thanks.
Critic-It is of course, proper for a married
lady who is entertaining to send a card to a
young man. 1t il not proper, however for a
young unmarried woman to do So III she
wishes q friend invited she must ask her mother
or her chaperon TO do it for her.
Etiquette" asks: "A widow whose family
consists Of maiden sister and two daughters
entertains two gentlemen of distinction. In
wha. order should they be seated?''
The lady Of the house takes in the gentleman
L. ~. -r.at a. n
at her right hand The sister could take in the
other gentleman. In a house so rich in hos
tesses one could hardly go wrong
BoNSETs IN THEArERs.
Business" asks: eff thoughtfulness of others
Is Distinguishing and essential mark of good
breeding. how do you class women who remain
covered at the theater? This inquiry is occa
stoned by remark of a newly arrived English
man. who expressed surprise that ladies' did not
attend the theater in America. 1t appears that
this mark Of good breeding is applied without
regard TO sex in the old country"
This is a severe criticism on American ladies',
and must have been made by some gentleman
who had sat behind very high hat the evening
before. So far as the high bonnets, which OBJ
scure the stage from the audience. are con-
cerned we do most sincerely regret them. and
would beg every lady to avoid wearing bonnet
which should Inconvenience anv one else. Still
a. it is the fashion in America to wear bonnets
TO the play, women have a right to wear them.
Indeed. it seems almost impossible to make the
fashion prevail of mo bonnets." Mr.. Wallack
tried it for many years but il is of no avail-one
reason being that in America cab hire is so dear
that people take the street ears when en- route
TO the theater. In England they take a cab so
lady can have her hair dressed for the theater
and drive thither. "a she would to party. 1t is
Rot always possible for a lady to remove her
hat or bonnet at the theater without disar-
ranging her hair. 1t is a much vexed aues-
ton However. nothing written ever affects
fashion. A sunbeam on stone wall is as in
enectual to move 1t as the effort of a writer to
influence fashion. 1t comes and goes indie
pendently of criticism. Some day, perhaps
every lady viii go to the theater without her
bonnet, and it is thing very desirable, since
bonnets are so high and so large and growing
more so every day. The comfort of those in
the back seats require that ladies in the front
seats should be bonnetless. But at present it
Is not the American fashion, il is not convent
ent. and until 1t becomes universal every lady
who goes without her bonnet will feel awkward
snd strange.
NAPoLEoN's MANNERS.
Gertrude asks: WAS not Napoleon Bonaparte
very careless as to etiquette, and did not his
best friends have occasion to regret it?'
Yes. When Napoleon from soldier became
great first consul. with all the powers of a
ruler over many millions of people, he was
to the ball of Mime. Junot in his gray coat over
fine uniform, but he would not take off his
gray coat He wrote to her ''that she could
: not find the manners of her friends of the Fau-
bourg st. German at the Tuilleries" He be-
haved as some men and women do when they
lind themselves where they expect to be pa
tronized, in the presence of those whom thew
know to be their superiors in refinement.
impress the well hammered that thew
do not care. When Napoleon became
emperor no one insisted on good manners and
an attention to etiquette more than he did. But
his best biOyrapher saws: Two very separate
and very distinct natures were always visible
In Napoleon to the eye of intimacy. He pos
sessed instinctively the desire of domination
and conquest and felt himself from childhood
destined to be master Of the world. vet he was
narrowly and weakly sensitive to criticism
Perhaps II he had early been Taught by
Madam Mere" that manners are the shadows
OF great virtues the great Napoleon would have
been even greater than he was.
70 MAKE GOOD sERvANTs
"Housekeeper" asks: How can make good
servants? How can persuade my maid to do
her duty at the door?'
servant cannot be too carefully taught her
olty 90 visitors. Having first ascertained
wGether her mistress IL at home or not she
should also learn if that lady wishes to receive
thus saving the caller the trouble of alighting
from her carriage. While treating all callers
Wire elyillty. she should be taught to diserimi-
nate between friend and foe, nor unwarily adj
those who come TO pilfer time. To educate
good servants requires patience and kindness
1ntsrfeTence and fault finding viii injure the
temper. while suspicion Is bad for any one To
believe IN a servant will TX habits of honesty
Respect their rights, respect their religion. re-
speet their feelings. their hours of recreation
and do not be afraid to saw good night" and
good morning after the pretty GeCman
fashion Assist them in the writing of their
letters. teach them all you can. make your
home their home. and you will have good serv-
ants They will serve you in sickness and in
health. and De ready TO die for you.
All servants like to be commanded by a
strong honest fair, judicious leader They
seek the praiser. the reward of their services,
IA Few well chosen thanks. as a part of their
honest wages Irresolute persons who do not
Know their own minds make very poor mas
ters aud mistresses. But far of from that
kindness. which it is the privilege of great ma
lures 10 bestow. Is that familiarity which breeds
contempt that should be avoided.
THAT VOC MAY BE AGREEABLE
Edgar FGuntlerOy" asks: How can make
myself agreeable in society, and how much
small talk must learn? Where do learn it?
How can get along at a dinner, talking and
eating at the same time?"
This Is hard question 70 answer. because the
business OF being agreeable is one which has
daunted the greatest geniuses. Ii is at once a
talent 10 be cultivated. and also talent born in