Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-11-28

A circus tumbler should never be
full-Boston Globe.
"I'm considerable worsted," as the
stocking said.-Ex.
Many man has pale appearance
after leaving bucket shop.-Boston
Gazette.
Some men will persist in sleeping
in church. It's a nod caper, too
Burlington FREQ Press.
The average tumbler hold half a
pint but the circus tumbler holds
about half a keg.-Ex.
She (ready for the balD-Charlie
how do you like my new party dress
He-Where is it Idea.
In soliciting doughnations for char,
liable purposes don't forget to call ur
on the bakers.--Pittsburgh Chronicle
We don't suppose that the monopo'
lists will be getting up corner in
glass. That would be too transparent
a scheme.-Ex.
Two hundred Grow Indians are re
ported as advancing on the Sioux in
Dakota. 1t looks from here as if the
Crows were going into the fight with
out caws.-Ex.
Fashionable hod carriers will wear
red shirts with dark blending under th'
arms. Overalls will be trimmed will
c,pper rivets as they have been foI
some seasons back.-Ex.
"Love and wine, so much sung
about in poetry" observed the philos
opher, ".are two very different kinds
of intoxicants."
"In what way" asked the listener
"The one," was the reply, "swell
the heart and the other the head
Ex.
Pater familias-Why, Ethel, yor
don't mean to tell me you want t.
marry that bald headed Prof. Wise
man!
Ethel-It is true he is bald, bu
think how many young men of to-day
are bald on the inside of their heads
The Idea.
Have you been studying this sum
mer ?" asked one lady member of ar
opera company TO another.
"Some; | have devoted great
deal of time to practice"
Indeed! how high can you sing p
"Well. l have reached as high as
$3.50 a night. '-Ex.
Talking about faith cures, there j;
a man down in Jersey who has a reg.
ular dinner made of wood and paint.
ed to represent roast beef, corn, pota
toes, tomatoes, etc. When dinner
time come he sits down and asks q
blessing. Then he consumes the vi
ands with his eye.-Drake's Magazine
What sombre looking visage old
Doublechin has. hasn't he2
l should say so. Why, it's the
general verdict bereabout that he was
never known to smile.
Indeed wonder what could have
attracted his wife to him ?
The attraction of gravity, | pre-
sume.-Yonkers Gazette.
"Pa, what is green grocer ?" ask
ed Johnny, looking up from the Eng
lish book that he was reading.
"a green grocer, my son," repeat.
ed pa. "Well-ah-hem--a green
grocer is-oh, yes, green grocer is
one who always sands his sugar with
out taking the barrel into the dark
part of the store" ."-Somerville Jour
nal.
Father-Johnnie, l was very much
grieved last evening seeing you abuse
the dog. Cruelty to animals is a sin
which / cannot pardon. But why
are you staring out of the window
when I am speaking to you?
Johnnie-I see that Dingley's COW
has broken into our garden.
She has, eh Get me the gun,
quick, and I'll FIJI the darned brute
with buckshot Boston Beacon.
You've read Shakespeare, haven't
you?
Certainly.
Do you remember how Polonius
died I?
] should remark. He died sudden
with meaty-oric suddenness, ] may
say.
How meteoric
Why, he died by outlet from
Hamlet.--Yopkers Gazette.
Skeptic-Do you believe that a
mans spirit may live after he is dead7
Friend-Most certainly.
Have you any proof. now, whatev-
er of your declarstionf