The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1888-01-28

If no one else will plead your case
When entered in political race,
Just shove into this cellars face,
Ten cent line.
The opposition's private name,
His honest career, his well.earned fame,
Will count for naught, beside this same
Ten cents a line.
If shanghai store happens along,
The cellar sings merry song,
At ten cents line.
Twill tell how the proprietor fed
On oysters fat and wine 30 red
B'gosh, twill raise the phantom dead
For ten cents q line.
And the editor sits on a busted chair,
With his mammoth feet high in the air,
Writing editorial fat and square,
At ten cents line.
His appearance betokens an absent swim,
But still he writes with added vim,
For what are all these things to him
Not ten cents line.
49,
And it came to pass that the winter season
was at its food tide, and, 10, the water pipe
freeIeth and bursteth open.
And there was o man in village called by
name Streator, and he was large man with
Q large head like unto billiard table.
And the winter season was not abashed
even at the sight Of his development and his
bald head, for it froze his water pipes also.
And 10, the devil goeth out into the wilder.
ness and gathereth benzine and poureth it
int the pipe, and toucheth it off with a
match.
And the large man with billiard table
head gaseth upon the flame and saith, at is
natural gas!'
And it came to pass that he published the
glad tidings Of natural gas in his office to
the world, and the world believeth him, for
the world knoweth that his gas hath ever
been natural, for verify it hath ever been
light.
~
The Journal man laughs lat the idea that
there is any moral wrong in selling editorial
columns to the highest bidder and laments
that nowhere is the price paid so low as in
Ottawa. Now, as the Journal man has had a
great deal of experience in the line from De,
treit to Ottawa, it must be conceded that he
ought to know all about it, and no one will
be disposed to question his statements on
that point.
The Streator Ind. Times has suddenly come
to the conclusion that the "whole grand jury
system is a disgrace to any civilized country
and ought not to be tolerated for day" 1t
appears that that body recently indicted one
of Docs friends for bribery,-a man o., "high
social standing" in Streator Consequently,
the Indictment is ''viilainous outrage"
This may be true. But the Doc seems to for.
get his late frothings at the mouth in the
doodle cases, when it was suggested that
other men, not the Docs peasonal friends,
were not necessarily guilty because grand
jury had indicted them. But we hope now
slyze the court if he should happen to quash
this obnoxious indictment; or threaten ami
hilation to the powers that be if they should
take notion to enter not pros. But, really,
we are pleased to note that the Doc does have
the decency to recognize in print the fact
that man may feel disgrace and have his
feelings wounded by being indicted, and that
it is possible grand jury may, by indictment
libel, disgrace and demean an innocent
person forever" He did not think so few
months ago; but if the Doc will just keep on
printing newspaper for few years longer,
he may learn something of advantage to
himself and his neighbors and their rights as
sommon mortals, in spite of the fact that
they may have been county. officers or had
business connections with the county.
The Peru CAL points with pride to the tele
phone in the telegraph Office in that burg, as
one of the results of the hustlers in its Board
of Trade. Carl has probably been troubled
with indigestion of late, for if he hadn't he
would not allow himself to go down through
the ages as a colossal liar. Surely Sinnigcr
isn't so unsophisticated as to imagine for a
moment that the Western Union pays out its
cash for fun, or boards of trade either.
-.
Although it is now somewhat past the sea-
son for giving advice on conduct for leap
year, still few pertinent remarks may be of
benegt tothose of our lady readers who have
not heretofore experienced the sweet indie
pendence Of the year which gives February
20 days.
Ladies should always lift their headgear
Hpsn meeting gentlemen friends. Of the
hat pin defeth this, pluck it FORTH
Upon catching up with gentleman on the
public highway. gentle cough should warn
him OF your presence. Ladies should always
take the outside Of the walk. Of the walk
isn't large enough for two, take the gutter Or
the middle of the road)
Ladies should not absorb coffee or cloves at
the play
Ladies who smoke cIparettes in a gentle