Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1888-11-02
GOOD FOR A COLD.
ALL SORTS OF ANSWERS TO THE
POPULAR cONukDRUM.


| Physicists said-A Quick Cure.
RsHello, old chap, how's the healthP
First rate. only I've got q cold"
Drink rock and rye. Thatu Ak you up {"
Quarter of an hour later met Deacon -.
an old friend of my father'a 'Got q cold,
! eh9" said the deacon in answer to the usual
inquiry for the health. 'tWeli, my boy, when
| you go home tonight soak your fest in hot
water, drink four or five glasses of hot lemon
ace, roll yourself up in half dozen blankets,
and you will wake up new man. A little
later and another friend declared cod liver
oil and whisky were sure to bring me instant
relief and still another advised me to go live
in Turkish bath for week and have myself
rubbed down every morning with alcohol
All amateur physicians, but all with a sure
cure. Should | trust them or consult pro-
fessional! / had not felt very sick when
met the first amateur leech, but after talking
with all and being fully posted as to the
danger Of letting cold run / already imag-
ined had one foot over Jordan and was in
need Of heroic treatment to get it back again.
But what was the use OF paying physicianl
Every druggist is q cold doctor. decided
to 60 to drug store, get good remedy, take
it and get we'll. Being down town on bust
ness / went into popular place. WANT
something for q coldi Well, we have an
elixir that will bring you out all right. 1t is
put up expressly for colds, and is as good q
remedy as has yet been discovered"
How nuch.'
"One dollar a bottle One bottle viii be
all you will need"
"Let me have it." I said, and soon ! was on
my way home with bottle of the elixir in
my pocket l turned the bottle over and
over on my way up in the car, and examined
it carefully. How does he know what
really needl' thought ''He didn't examine
me, and didn't even ask if my cold was in
the throat, lungs, head or anywhere else. Oh.
suppose the stuff will cure cold any
where, even if it be cold feet / guess I'll
just drop in at dozen more drug stores, and
see what l will get for the same malady." A
druggist on Broadway was my first stopping
place. Oh, yes! he could cure me. A bottle
of Blanks tolu and iniment was purchased.
and l started for the next blue bottled
window
Druggist S. sold me pills; Druggist NJ
thought lozenge Of his own manufacture
was what needed; Il. prescribed snuff; c.
thought quinine would cure me- and Drug
gisr A. had lozenge he felt confident in rec
ommending. l got pills, lozenges and hq
uids in abundance-all sure to wrestle sue
cessfully with that cold; but the funny thing
about it all was that no two of the druggists
thought neeped tho same medicine. Each
one gave me something different, and when
got home and ranged my bottles and boxes
upon the mantel piece there was nothing left
to do but to throw dice to decide which rem
edy should soothe me first.
A cold must be peculiar disease, indeed
Go to 5000 different druggists, and you will
get 5000 different medicines, each of which
will cure cold. One is naturally led to the
conclusion that anything that comes out of
drug store will cure cold. l hesitated
which medicine to tackle, and wound up by
going to sleep without taking either In the
morning my cold was gone. Nature had re-
lieved me, but had spent good deal of
money on cold curers.
DOING IT FOR JOKE.
had to get my moneys worth out of some
thing, and decided to do it out of practi-
cal joke. Accordingly 1 opened every bot
tie and box, poured out some of the liquids,
threw away half of the lozenges and pills,
tucked myself carefully in bed and dispatched
a messenger post haste for DR.. S. Dr. S.
was but short time in answering yicall
very feeble indeed when he arrived
Doctor" | said, "a month ago l contracted
bad cold. | took friends advice and tried
rock and rye The cold got worse Another
friend prescribed foot baths and hot lemon
ade 1t did no good. Cod liver oil and
whisky made me worse. Turkish baths only
reduced my flesh. Then went to the drug
gists-one at time. Each gave me remedy
| have taken them all There is what is left
ON the mantel Doctor, / am very sick
man. Is there any chances of bringing me
through
The old physician shook his head sorrow
fully. wait till | examine the stuff you
have TAKEN" he said ''How in did you
come to make such fool of yourselfr
"1'u stand the abuse, doctor, if you'll save
my life" answered feebly.
The doctor proceeded to examine the cures
"Hudnuts, ehl" heard him Inutter wild
cherry, licorioe, horehound, whisky. Well,
it isn't poison anyway. A gives you a
lozenge, more hcorice than anything else.
H. says snuff, eh. Humphl CaInphor, cubebs
and sugar c. makes you take five grain
quinine pills Pretty stiff dose, my boy H.
tolu. lverwort and whisky. That's luckily
not poison. either. NJ. S lozenges, cubebs and
muriate Of ammonia In heavens name,
what else have you been killing yourself
withl What's this' Opium, supposea No,
only hoorice Well, you were lucky that
time. And what else have weAiicorice,
quiDine, ammonia. cubebs, whisky. For
heavens sake, man, If you ever get well
again eat Goldfish and give yourself some
brains"
But, doctor. can you bring me through
all right"
Yes; I'll get you out again, but it viii
be severe treatment, and you will be a very
weak man for several weeks"
"I'll stand that rather than these aching,
racking, sickening pains. Give me the pro
scription-"
The doctor went to the desk and wrote.
Then be came to my bedside, told me to have
the prescription filed Immediately, wished
me good luck, and left with promise TO call
the next day AZ be closed the door jumped
up and saatched tie prescription 1t read:
Two gallons Of castor oil Take q wine
glass full every three hou1 until otherwise
directed
Two hours later met DR.. S. on Fifth ave
nue. "W hat, out alreAdyf be asked
Yes, doctor. / an reporter. oaly
wanted to see what could bs done for . man
if he followed the directions Of his friends
and the druggists whenever he happens to
catch cold New York Pres.
Marvellous Memory Tor Business
B. ?. Hutchinson, the noted board Of trade |
ran, keeps al bis bushes right IN his head, /
And when II tbs eod Of a days hard work /