San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1888-09-20
NEWSPAPER HUMOR.
Written with Six Dollar Pair of shears.l

Ode ID the printer-S2.
Well drilled-the oil region.
Town pumps-local editors.
A printers row-a quadrangle.
The fat of the land-petroleum.
Paper cutfs-newspaper attacks.
Epitaph on a printer-dead matter.
In the great battle Of life many win
by shooting off their mouth"
Why is the world like a piano.
Because it is full of sharps and flats.
The general adopshn of fonetik
spelius wud nok Josh Billings hlrn
kite.
A certain preacher called his hat
Golgotha, because it was the place OF
skull.
If YOU would be wealthy get upon a
mule. You Will soon find out that
you are better off.
An Ohio editor had a new shirt
collar presented him, and he is now
waiting for some one to give him
shirt.
"eYou can't play that on me.o said
the piano TO the amateur who broke
down on difficult piece Of music.
kissing is somewhat like seven-up.
If he begs, and she thinks she can
make point in the game, she will
give him one.
The time of splicing and picking of
fruit has come, and the economical
housewife may be seen going through
her husbands vest pockets for cloves.
A tremendous explosion recently &C.
Cured in a hall in which over 1000
people were assembled, but no one
was hurt. 1t was all explosion OF
laughter.
When a writer says certain thing
is impossible to describe" and then
uses a half column in its description,
he doubtless means that nobody but
himself could describe it.
II smell suffin burnin'," remark
ed an aged negro, who sat by camp
fire, toasting his extremities. "Gosh!'
he added, in a moment, With a wild
veil; Its dis niggah's own foot"
Lord Brougham, once when he was
in a facetious mood, being asked to
define a lawyer, said: ga lawyer is
a learned gentleman, vino rescues your
estate from your enemies, and keeps
it himself"
The Adams Express company re-
fuses to carry live snakes, and when
we remember how Adams express
company got into trouble with one of
the reptiles in Eden, we cannot Won
der at the refusal.
Professionalism is the fundamen-
tai condition of eXistence?" Student
wTime.n Professor-"How do you eX-
plain that?n Student-"Very easily.
How can a person exist, if he hasn't
time tor it?'
A western editor lately married one
of his compositors, another composltor
acting as bridesmaid, the officiating
clergyman being retired printer, the
local editor giving the bride. away
Exchange. Where was the devil?
During trial, the judge called a
witness. No one answered. An elder
Iv man arose and solemnly said, "He
is gone.u where is he gomez" asked
the Judge, in no tender tone. 81 don't
know; but he is dead was the guard
ed answer.
At theatre in Dublin a gentleman
requested man in front OF him to sit
down, adding sarcastically, II suppose
you are aware, sir, that you are
opaque II shall sit down when i4
suits me-" was the response, "and If
you want to handle my name, mind,
it's not O'Pake at all, but O'Brien."
A newspaper paragrapher advises
us to "give our smiles to the aged
We are sorry, but we connot. Our
sweetest and most expansive smiles
are all reserved for the pretty girls.
If the aged want us to smile for them,
let them pay for it; say two cents per
smile wouldn't be unreasonable,
would it?
New York Commercial Advertiser
! lDem.): Governor Hills nomination
for reelection will pretty certainly
cost thP democrats good many votes
in this years state election, and 1t
| may also ALLEVIATE some voters from