The Olneyville times. (Olneyville [Providence, R.I.]) 1887-1917, 1888-12-28
BLUNDERS IN CHURCH.
An English Clergyman Relates some Clert'
cal HANS and MIshAns.

The coy squire pew ot the clgh-
teenth century was an elaborate Struct-
ure, luXuriously furnished and SUR
mounted 10y crimson curtains. Ii often
contained the only fireplace in the
church, and was never complete with.
out square table. During the reign
ef George |. a colored footman would
enter with a tray OF refreshments just
before the sermon. In one of these re-
treats, Ernest, Duke OF Cumberland,
being eusconcCd, was reused from a
doze by the eXhortation-"Lct us
pray"
"By all means shouted the Duke;
81 have no objection
The poor were Accommodated in mar
row pews, very high and suG in the
back. No wonder that timid child
remarked that a man in velvet broechcs
had sat on her pantry shelf and shut
the door. Not so little Johny, who,
ION the promise 10 be Iool, was taken
10 church. lie kept very still till the
last prayer. by which time he had
grown SO tired that he got mp on the
cushion OF the seat and stood with his
back to the pulpit. When the lady in
the seat behind bowed her head for
prayer johnny thought she was crying,
So he leaned over and said in a too au-
dible whisper;
Poor, dear lady. what &c matter?
Does 90 tummy ache?'
N,,,y la IL, ,,,,tlt how, I,,f, a,
pew with lattice around it, i'm which
that red-haircd vixen. Queen Boss, sat
TO criticisc the court preachers. they
had TO be as particular in their allu-
sions as the chap,ains OF Louis XIV.
I'VE must all die exclaimed the
preacher The King frowncd ilorccly.
"Al, | mean, save your Majesty, "
added the subtle courticr.
When Bishop or other cleric made
mention OF any thing which did not
please the vain old woman, the lattice
was ratified with terrible energy and
distinctness 20 the discontinue OF the
unfortunate ecc,esiastic. Sometimes
she spoke outright as when the
Bishop Of ST. David vcnturcd rpon sta
tistics which the Queen could not foi-
low: you keep your arithmetic 10
yourself; the greatest clerks are seldom
the wisest men,
How different was the appreciation
OF "A sermon delivered by my eloquent
incumbent in Bosley Church, Cheshire.
At the conclusion, the kind vicar, leap
ing through the paper hoop Cf rubrical
restrictions exclaimed: MY good pco-
Pile, before we sing the hymn ! think
we can not do better than heartily
thank Mr. Hughes for his most excel
lent sermon
In that same church a local land
owner, the Earl Of Ilarring ton placed
stained glass window, containing
figures OF the Virgin and ST. John.
Some friends OF mine being shown over
the building, asked the Venerable clerk
the subject. "Thcin fur" said he,
care meant for Mr.. and Mrs. Harring,
ton, but can't say as they are mulch
loike.n
My first incumbent, Me-. Hughes,
was very abscnt-mindcd. 4 wcll-kuown
member OF the congregation had en-
liycncd duh December by bringing
home his bride; and the ladies were on
the tip-toc OF expectation on the follow
ing Sunday TO see what SIZE was like.
An involuntary smile was caused by
the tcxt-"Bchold tho bridegroom
cometh.' BY no means d.ilidcnt was
the young lady who extracted "a
promise from her vicar that hc would
preach an appropriate sermon when
she appeared at church on the Sunday
following her marriage.
The text was somewhat "A surprise.
Yea, an abundance Of peace 50 long
rs the moon cndurcth.'
Speaking OF marriages, how amusing
is the following incident: The iucum-
bent OF a populous parish In tho mid
lands who never failed % have puDii-
cation OF numerous bann- looked for
the banns book as usual after .he
second lesson. Feeling assured Of find.
ing it he commenced: 81 publish the
bannG OF marriage ~ An awkward
pause, during which lie lookcd beneath
the service books, "but could not sec
my little friend, because ho was not
there IL publish the baun-," re
peated he, still fumbliug, "betwcen-
between" Between the cushion and
the seat, sir, shouted the clerk, look.
ing up and pointing % the place whore
the book had been mi-laid.-Arg0gy.