Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1888-05-21

II 10 not llupOSSlDIe 10 ulCeG WIFI d
plump refusal from slender girl.
Song for the farm hand The spring
time has come, oh, hoe! OH hoe!
a new brand of collars have been ap-
propriately named ''the purgatory."
The Young Ladies' Journal pertinently
suggests that the keynote of good breed
ing is natural.
No matter how weak a woman's consti-
tuition may be, her b(u)y laws are always
on deck and ready for business.
A Pittsburg editor says: Husbands
are not made to order" Well bet he can
not convince most wives they are not
Beautiful snow is not such an emblem
of purity and innocence as it is cracked
up to be: for how often it is dissipated
by the sum-
''Does your mother wear felt slippers?''
asked an old lady of little boy where
she was visiting. eyes, ma'am, she do.
I've felt en-
1t would no doubt shock many an act
ress who considers herself star" did
she ever by accident happen to read the
word backward.
A Brooklyn woman has completed a
crazy quilt with 248, 781 pieces in it. Her
husband is said to button his suspenders
with brass nail.
Mr.. Penn-Dont you think, Miss Foote,
of bo of hy
able?" Miss Foote (of Chicago) )-"Be
your sweet life l do"
New York man has invented pro-
cess for making railroad cars out of wood
pulp, but it takes a Kansas cyclone to
make wood pulp out of railroad cars.
A little boy fell in commissions on the
street one day, and the doctor was hasti-
ly summoned. HAS he kicked the buck
ct, doctor?" mo; he has only turned
little pale
New York minister recently preached
upon the antiquity of May moving. He
chose for his text the verse from the
Acts. "Paul dwelt two whole years in his
own hired house,
81 will and devise, says the millionaire,
and when he is dead his heirs devise ways
to circumvent his will. 1t is almost
enough to discourage man from trying
to be millionaire.
She, haughtily-I may be led, not driv-
en-, Mr.. De Hooter. Mr.. D.-Ah, indeed?
SO sorry was just going to ask you to
let me drive you out with four-in-hand
party the first pleasant day.
Servant Gin boarding -house) All, Mis-
ter Dumley, such beautiful ducks came
to-day. Dumley (excited) d)-Ducks You
don't say so, Bridget! Servant-Yis, sor,
it's an lie paintin' for the dinin'-room.
e'Who made this hash?'' ''Why, my new
Boston cook, of course" ''Then please
return to her these remnants of pair of
eyeglasses, and tell her she needn't give
her dishes such an intellectual flavor here
after.
Husband Gall ready for the theater)-I
declare. dear, it is raining hard. Wife
(buttoning her oves)-Well, what's a
y
tone of voice that we were about start
ing for church.
s'My errand here tonight" said young
lawyer to damsel on whom he had call
ed, reminds me of the cry of an owl"
Indeed! - said the maiden. 'sWhat is
your errand here to-nightr "Courtship
To-wit, to-woo."
Old GeEt-Why does your father go
around begging instead of working? Lit
tie Boyle begs SO he can get money to
buy whiskey. Old Gent-But why does
he drink whiskey? Boy-So he can get up
to go around and beg.
As an incentive to young ambition it
would be interesting to know how many
people of prominence there are in the
who can look back to the time
when they used to go to bed while they
were having their trousers fixed.
CONSullPTION CURED.
An old physician retired from practice having
had placed in his hands By an Fast India missionary
the formula of a simple vegetable remedy for the
speedy and permanent cure of consumpton, bron-