The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-10-18
BRIGHT BITS

FUNNY that fast young man never begins to
think aoout settling down until it has become
utterly impossible for him to settle up.-TerGs
SUtings.
FATHER-You have been three years at the
university now tell me what you have done
SOM have taught three dogs to drink beer
German fun.
PEDDLER-Am I addressing the lady of the
house?
uir-Whch lady, the washlady, the culinary
lady. or If you want to see the doOrlady, why
that's me.--ierre Hdute Express.
SENTIMENTAL LADY-Ths world is vale of
tears. Even the beautiful rose has thornS.
Prosaic Visitor / wouldn't mind that so
mucn, but that shad are so full of bones tits an
outrage on the human race.-Terds Strings.
Ma DE CAsH-asked me to elope with him
| only the night before he ran away to Canada !"
conflded Gusse.
And you refused of course?"
Yes, my dear, she replied; las soon as he
told me his embeZzlement amounted to only
SO 900. n-NeU York sun.
miss MAUD" he said. Il have come in this
evening to ask you question, and ] have
brought a ring with me. Now, before You try
it on, want to tell you that if you feel inclined
to bo a sister to me will have to take it back,
as my father objects to my sisters wearing such
| large diamonds And Maud said she would
keep the ring.-Jeweiers' Weekly.
''MARRIAGE a faure!n soliloquized Rev. Mr.
Joy mum in the solitude of his study he opened
the modest little envelope the bridegroom had
handed him few hours before and found q
one hundred dollar bill enclosed. Marriage a
failure:' he repeated with emphasis and indie
pendent fervor as he placed the bill in his
pocket. mo! never, The iiea is barbarous,
Infamous Qet me look at that bill again; yes
it's genune), and strikes at the foundation of
society itsef!''-Chicago Tribune.
A CLOSE CALL.-Kansas Editor-The RGzooper
is not for sale at any price. to-day, Mr.. Cash.
Cash -Hows that? You were anxious 10 dis
Of fpr "a my CDnIH pAtN
Editor Yesterday, to be sure. But this morn
ing learned that four circusses would visit
Boomopois this summer, and I'll have you
know, sir. this office always get four compli-
mentary tickets from each show. No, sir, the
paper is not for sale at any price. Why, man
alive woman with one of the shows eats glass
actually eats it.-Ithe
DoCToR-Now, you must rise by daylight, go
to the springs and drink the waters, eat plain
food only and be very careful about your diet.
And, mind you, one cigar day-no more; be
particular abou, that. I'll call again in three
days. If you want me sooner, send for me.
On the third day the doctor returns. Well"
says he, how are you getting alons!''
Patient-Very satisfactory, doctor.
Doctor-You don't find the regimen hard to
adhere to, do you?
Patient-lt wouldn't be if didn't have to
smoke the one cigar day. | never could bear
| tobacco.-Shoc and Leather Reporter.
SIS THERE NO HoPE?'' he exclaimed, passion
ately. Think moment, my darling, ere you
doom me to everlasting despair"
Il cannot be your wife, Mr.. Brown" she re-
piled, firmly.
Then be the consequences upon your false
head" he cried. "Ah, you do not know the eff
feet of your cruel words upon desperate man.
Once for all, is your decision irrevocable?"
Il repeat that / cannot marry you. Let us
end this painful scene, Mr.. Brown" she replied
turning her pale, agonized face full upon him.
May heaven forgive you" he moaned brok-
emily. Look upon your victim for the last time,
Miss Jones'" Selling his nat, he rushed out int o
the cold, cold world, AMI ten minutes later was
playing pin pool for the drinks --Bingaamton
Republican.