News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-03-29
HOW MAN BUYS A HAT.
The Lord of Creation Has Chance
to Show What He Is Made Of
from the Boston Herald

4IdfO 1ON SAAO 'AANNN AA'N"
spread?"
The storekeeper rummages around
among a stack of boxes, about one IL
five containing hat, and finally comes
across an article that seems to possess
the required quantity of overhang.
"Try this one"
1t is adjusted to the customers head
when he again begins his pantomimt
before the mirror.
"This is trife large" he suggests
nfter spending five minutes in arriving
at that conclusion.
"Can you give me one of the same
pattern that's just trifie smaller !"
Another search among the boxes.
Finally the storekenper, covered with
dust and perspiration, and almost out OF
breath from diving into his tall band
boxes, pulls out tile, which he hastily
dusts, while his customer is watching q
pretty girl cross the muddy street.
GLOW would you like browne"
"Hey2"
Chow would you like browne"
"Let's see it,"
1t is carefully inspected inside and
out, then placed upon the customer S
head. After five minutes have elapsed
he suddenly discovers that he had q
"brown" last year, and wouldn't think
of buying another, as his last investment
proved worthless, the sun metamorphOs-
ING it into mixture between O lobster
green and brindle red.
"Then you think it won't do?"
"Oh, no; / wouldn't wear brown hat
if you gave it to me. Show me the
latest thing YOU have"
This causes the stOrekeeper to muse
for moment. He hasn't bought an in
voice of new goods for six months. He
was equal to the occasion, however, and
shoves back the glass front of tier OF
shelves upon which are arranged head
gear of all conceivable patterns. Select
ing one that had been in stock for almost
seven years, he brings it out and after
giving it thorough brushing adjusts it
to the head of the fussy customer.
A look of delight fits over the face OF
the customer as his admiring eyes fall
upon this new piece of head garniture.
He tries it on, likes it better than any OF
the others, but can hardly summon up
sufficient courage to go out upon the
street with it. He is sure he will be the
cynosure of all eyes, and he wistfully
looks at the old hat and wishes within
himself there was some way of return
ishing it. 1t is the most becoming hat
he ever wore. He picks it up, puts it on
and turns to the storekeeper and says:
"Why don't they make hats of this pat
tern nowadays"
The dealer is unable to answer, and
looks uneasily out of the window.
"That's the best hat ever wore, and
I would like to buy another just like it.
You haven't one, have you2"
"No; nothing like it in stock"
"Can you tell me where [ would be
likely to find onel''
ST don't believe you could substitute
it in the city,
"Well, 1 guess I'll have to buy this
one then. What's the price,"
"Four dollars"
"Four WHAT"
"Four dollars"
"What? Four dollars for that hat?"
''That's the price"
Whats clever value ] didn't pay but
So for the Old one, and it looks to be of
finer stuff than yours. suppose nothing
less than four goes?"
"That's our regular price for that
u y
thing not quite so fine for less money"
''Well, 1 guess I'll take it anyway
Crying the new hat on again). Four
dollars, hey2"
eyes, sir.
The price is paid, and the purchaser
stands before the mirror, looking at him
self, while the storekeeper is doing up
the old hat. 81 don't just like it," he
muses. to himself. 81 know everybody
will stare at me when I go upon the
street" He has half mind to wear the
old hat home and have the new one done
up. But he finally plucks up sufficient
courage to venture outside the door,
where he stands for moment, not dar-
ing to lift his eyes. Then he begins
sneaking along close to the buildings I'M
til he has gone a block, when he ventures
to look up. Not a person he passes
seems to pay the slightest attention to
the new hat, much less smiling at the
grotesque figure he believes he is cut
ting. Another block is covered, and he
comes out from under the shadow of the
buildings and is pleasingly surprised
that no one stops and gazes at his head
covering. cit must be becoming, after
all, he soliloquizes, "and / begin to feel
accustomed to it already, By George,
I'll just step into this restaurant and
have another look at myself
Entering he calls for a glass of ginger
ale, and while the barkeeper is out he is
making survey of himself in the mir
ror behind the bar.
81 couldn't have bought anything
that was more suitable" he says, half
audibly.
Chow do you like the new dicer,
Bob ?" ADDRESSING the barkeeper.
''Fine goods, that. It's the best look
ing hat you ever had, and is immensely
becoming"
"What's that7" His vanity has been
touched.
"Most becoming hat you ever had on. -"
"Here, Jim," calling to one of the
colored walters. "Want a hate 1
brought this old one up from the store,
thinking you might like it. You'll find
it just the thing for stormy weather"
He is so delighted he asks the bar
keeper to have something, and comes
very near leaving his change on the
counter in his anxiety to get on the
street. He walks up and down the busy
thoroughfares, and feels as if treading
on ''thin air.