Morning journal and courier., 1888-11-17
CON OPTIONAL.

'1t is a condition and not 8 theory that confronts us today" But it takes a clever
 theory to clearly account for the condition.- New Orleans Picayune. Miss SentimentaI-There is no poetry in this age-this prosaic 18th century. Editor-Heavensl Just look at my waste paper basket.-Town Topics. A Wasted Toothaohe-"Does nobody want to be walked up early to-morrowa" "No." 'Thats pityl I have such toothache that I can't sleep. Fliegende Blatter. The other day the daughter of farmer went out into corn6eld carrying with her a copy of Miss Rives' 'fThe Quick or the DeadF' The corn was shocked.-Norristown Herald. Pastor-I regret to see you with that new hat on, Bro. Flipps. Flipps-Why so, doctor! Pastor-It is soon after election.-Chicago Globe.
 Mamie-"I can't imagine why Clara's room always smells so of arnica." Loie-'.Why, don't you know? She is engaged to the Cap I tain of the football team, and arnica always | reminds her of him. Pluck.
 Posey between you and me, Miss Travis is a charming girl" De- | Smith-'Yes, but I'd rather have your ! room than your company under the circum- ! stances. ees."-Burlington Free Press. l Dude e-Ay-Miss, may I awsk you what | call your dawga
 1 Pretty girleI have named him after that new Indian province-Sik kim. | Dude-Wow.-Burlingt Free Press.
 Smith (to defeated oandidate) tYou don't fore the election" Defeated candidate ! (gloomily)-"No; I have been scratched by l my friends. "-Binghampton Republican. At the registry office Clerk-"Your age, please" Woman voter facetiouslyl- woman, you know, is only ss old as she | looks" Clerk (gallantly) but surely, l madam, you cannot be so old as that."- /! Boston Transcript.
 1 MT. MoGuinniss- after O'Riley's ! objection to cremation see that his sons l have had his body ineinerated, and keep his ! ashes in an urn in the house, Moriarty- ''Is that so? It's enough to make the ould
 man rise in his grave. Judge. Hereafter we shall charge the publishers of Robert Elsmere" 8 dollar line for any further advertisement of that book in onr columns, and all contributors will be expect ed to pay anS equal rate for the insertion of their communications Christian Register. An election echo.-"I wish you'd go out and chop some wood, Elijah; there hain't a stick in the house." spm sorry, Marthy, but the fact is, I lost an election bet, accord in to which Pm obleeged to refrain from all | manual labor for the next two weeks. "- Puck.
 ' A DoCAGuE puySlc1Au say L0aI BOIu6 p6rE l sons are so sensitive that they are in danger l of taking yellow fever from reading telegraph reports of the disease in the papers. A Pen- | sacola paper says that depends upon the money sent to sufferers.-New Orleans Pica- yune.
 | Mrs. Bliffers-Here is au advertisement I for man weighing not less than four hun dred pounds. I wonder if he is wanted for | dime museum?
 | MT. Bliffers-Dunno. Maybe they want him to drive a coal cart.-Philadelphia
 Record.
 The proofreader for the Charleston Gou7.s l is young woman, wno leaves for home
 every morning at 3 o'clock. She used to be
 aecosted by loafers, but after killing one and l wounding two they discovered what typo- graphical error she was and let her alone.- Detroit Free Press.
 "You don't appear to have much to say
 this morning, MT. McGinnis," remarked the landlady. "No, ma'am," said the boarder, plying his knife vigorously on the warmed
 over steak. 'rm not doing much talking,
 bnt keep on saving wood, ma'au. just as
 rd."-Chicago Tribune.
 Sophy (who accepted Charles Fleetwood
 the night before)-'tDoes NIT, Fleetwood strike you as being very sensitive man, Paulineg'
 Pauline (who doesn't know of the engage
 ment)-"Graoious, nol A man who has been rejected by four girls within six months and gets fat on it cannot be. Why, Sophy, what | is the matter7"-Life.