Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1888-07-22
MIR. AND MRS. BOWsER.
Mr.. H.. Had Some Plans for Celebrating
the Glorious Fourth, nj Before Night
Fell He Wished He Hadn't.
Detroit Free Press.

1 KNOW Dy the way mr. looked
across the supper table at me that he had
something to propose, and I also felt Ger.
tain that his proposition was mixed up
with the glorious Fourth! Pretty 300 he
said:
I'VE are to 20 on q steamboat excursion
to Harsen's Island en- the Fourth"
please don't. We can enjoy ourselves
far better right here at home"
Mrs. Bowser, our forefathers fought,
bled and died that We might be q free PEG.
pie"
eyes"
ut is time when every patriot should
show his colors. / propose to 60 off with
q select few and have q good time"
But nothing is select on the Fourth"
II don't believe You care two cents
whether we are slaves or freemen" be
hotly exclaimed.
"Yes, / do"
"Then get ready for the excursion. Only
a select few are going. We shall have a
nice, cool ride, q basket lunch on the is
land, and return in time for the fireworks
in the evening"
But if anything happens you'll lay it
to me-"
Anything happen? Lay it to You?
Mrs; Bowser, do you know who you are
talking TOP"
"But you'll say l dragged you off, and
that it was all my fault"
81 will, Ell! Very we'll. You and our
wall-eyed infant can stay right here! Pm
going o the excursion"
/ yielded the point after awhile, as o
wife always does, and the excursion was
agreed upon. We were ready On time, and
it did seem as if we were certain Of enjoy
ing ourselves until we got to the boat.
Then Mr.. Bowser's Select few" turned
out to be a mob of 400 people of all sorts,
sizes and colors, and we had scarcely found
seats when a man came up, slapped him
Familiarity on the back and called ont:
Hello old ~rutabaga, did you bring
your old lung-pad alongH"
Mr.. Bowser turned very red and then
very white, and / had to talk to him. I
told him that this n loafer had slipped
in by accident, and that no one should
notice him. He must remember that
Washington, Paul Jones, Putnam, and
the host OF other patriots and let nothing
vex him.
When the boat finally got away it was
loaded down, and everybody was smoking
cheap cigars and feeling good. natured.
Even the dozen fellows who had had their
heads punched or their eyes blsck.d while
waiting seemed to forget it az patriotism
bubbled up. l was looking around for the
''select few" when a young man who didn't
die at Bunker Hill, because he wasn't old
enough, crowded along to us and said to
Mr.. Bowser:
'shay, old man, we licked 'em, didn't
we?"
Mr.. Bowser turned red, but I touched
him with my foot.
"Shay, ole man, give us a little Flo'th
Shuly speech, will your" continued the
patriot.
Mr.. Bowser turned white, but 1 got him
by the elbow.
"Sho you won't speech, eh? Then you
are an old Tory, you are! I'll git er boys
and pitch you overheard, l will"
I had to talk to Mr.. Bowser. I had to
tell him how Washington suffered at Valley
Forge-how the true patriots of the revolu-
tion starved and hungered-how we fought
on until victory came at last, and by and
by / Quoted him down. He had Just got
his patriotism back when a middle-aged
man, who had always felt very sorry that
he didn't see CORVALLIS surrender at York
town, came along and chucked me under
the chin and said:
"Shay, sis, got yer fel'r long? Cause
if yer got yer fel'r long 1 kin lick him in
two mizzen by er watch! Hoorsy! I'm
fore-fazzer, / am! Ished Ter blood, l did"
I held a conversation With Mrs. Bowser.
1t was about how we whipped the British
aud gained our independence, and why, for
that reason, every true patriot should go off
on a Fourth of July excursion and have a
good time, and he was in pretty good humor
when the boat landed. Circumstances we're
against me. however. We had scarcely got
seated in the shade, when Mr.. Bowser dis
covered that some one had changed lunch
baskets with us. The one we had con-
tanned only two sandwiches and a euchre-
deck, When he made this discovery he
turned on me with:
'Tll hunt this island over and find that
thief and break him in two!"
But he didn't. l interested him in the
revolution, and finally made him realize
it was his duty as a true patriot to make
sacrifices. Washington had staked his all
that We might breathe the air of liberty.
Couldn't the Bowsers stake a lunch basket
that Americans might continue to wear
their hats on their ears? He saw the point,
and we ate the two sandwiches, drank
some river water and eat and fought mos
quitoes for three hours. We were not left
entirely to ourselves, however. On sew
eral different occasions some of Mr.. Bow
set's select few" approached rs and
sought TO interest us in the proceedings.
They called him by such familiar terms as
''old man." "old bowlegs," "bald-hesd"
aud ''sawed-off," aud they addressed me as
Hey, Susan" "Ah, tbere!" and "Your
gal" At every such attempt to draw out
ont on T patriotism Mr.. Bowser would re-
bel, and 1 would have to talk to him of
the sufferings endured by our forefathers
until he Gained down.
A climax finally came. A double-dis-
titled, full:jewelleed, diamond-mounted
patriot, who had perhaps taken out his
first papers the day before, threw a bis
cult and hit me on the ear, and Mr.. Bow
ser went over to interview him about it.
When he came back he had black eye, his
nose was ont of true" and some of his
teeth we're loose. He had met the
enemy, and he was theirs. / took him
down to the boat, got a stateroom, and we
locked ourselves in. l felt like talking,
but he didn't. When l had washed his
face aud laid a wet rag over his eye /
asked him if he wasn't sorry that one
of the Bowssr family didn't have hold Of
the rope when the old Liberty bell
sent its notes of freedom peal
ing forth to the world, and he
wouldn't answer. ] pinned up his torn
shirt and inquired whether he had ever
visited the spot where CORVALLIS surren-
dered, but he refused to tell. Even when
I told him that it was the duty Of every
good patriot to get out on the glorious
Fourth and whoop Ter up and let the eagle
scream he would not open his mouth. 1t
was only after we got home that he foand
voice to remark: "Mrs. Bowser, you'll
pay for this"
why, dear, what have I done?"
"Done! Look at me! Who made me
the wreck l amp"
"a few select patriots at Harsen's
island"
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