The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1888-05-26
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.
The Judges are now nearly as we'll
paid as the baseball players, but the
game is not nearly so interesting
Toronto NeVS
Here lies lawyer cold in death,
With all paid up that's due him,
He lies at case in peaceful rest,
For lying natural to HIM.
-Fashington Critic.
If one would have a good picture
of public opinion he must take it by the
new instantaneous process. 1t does not
keep still-M O. Picay@ne.
The difference between square
man and a group of dudes in front of
hotel is, that the former pays as he
goes and the others gaze as they pose.
NJ r World.
And so your father has gone to q
missionary stationP" Eyes; we are
quite alone now" Don't you miss
the directing hand of your household"
80. mother didn't go,"-TId-Bus.
"A bride sneezed twice at the church
ceremony the other day, and the old
nurse said it was good luck. Other
people said it was because her dress
was cut too tropically for the tempera-
ture of the editice. boston Gazette.
The men who will never die are
the men who voted for Washington, the
Oldest Freemason, the last soldier of
the Revolution, Jefferson's body servant,
and the man who originated the idea of
the Pacific railway.
"A Congressman on receiving his
hat from the cloak-room, asked the
waiter how he know it was his hat, and
was promptly answered: Il didn't
know it was your hat; I only knows it
wuz the hat you CUB to me"
Enthusiastic Bonapartist-"E ees
coming, eet ees coming, the papers off
M chere Paree already call him Bou-
LANCER l." Level-headed American
"Historians will refer to him, not as
Boulanger l., but as one Boulanger.'
omaha World.
Mistress (severely)-"Marie, didn't
hear you make use of the expression.
you little brat in the nursery just
now?" Marie "a French bonne)-
"Yees, Madame, but Mess Flossie do
wexes me sol" Mistress Cess severely
80, l thought you were speaking to
Fido. Send Miss Flossie to me at once"
The Epoch.
-Landlady Ito applicant for board)
-"Have you children, madam" APP
plicant-''No." Landlady-"You are
fortunate, for we never take families
who have children" Applicant
Have you any childrenP" Land
lady-"Yes; two" Applicant-"Well,
you are unfortunate, for we never
board with families who have children"
N Y. San.
-"You can tell whether a man is
lazy or industrious just by the way he
asks for work." observed business
man who just dismissed an applicant
with regret that he had no opening Tor
him. Indeed! / should like to know
how" "Well, some men ask for q
position while others want 'situa-
ton. '"-Pittsburgh Chronicle.
Freddie Ito his eldest sister, who
has been watching the clock inpatient
ly): "Isn't time mo ney, Lucy?' Lucy
eyes, Freddie, and l am very glad that
you have such sensible ideas" Freddie
Then I'd like to know how Captain
Corkscrew can waste so much time with
you every day, when father says he
hasn't got red cent. "--RGrper'S Bazar.
Str anger:-"Pardon me, sir, but l
heard you complain to friend of q
feeling of lassitute, which is peculiar to
this season." "Well?" Il am agent
for preparation which will make you
feel like new man. What is it?"
"Dr. Balsam's Magic Potion" 90 1
guess 1 won't try it" "Why not?" Il
am DR.. Balsam, the inventor of the
medicine - Lincoln Journal.