Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1888-07-13
HUMOROUS

a "AShNt B1iAN NAbtI lt d
A ri,ing man-Thc acronaut.
Down in tho mouih-Thc tongue.
From pole to polc---A clotho4liuc
A cool dccd---T title to an ico
house.
The cheeky man is one of metal
usually brass.
The right to pay take, has never been
denied woman.
There is nothing like a gooi bolt for
breaking deadlock.
The dynamite gun may be said to
have several aims in life.
A yacht can stand tack without
swearing. Few mon can.
Fly time and the base ball are very
properly contemporancous.
Two of a Kind 'Hyhat is
the plural Of chiIll" Boy promptly
Twins"
1t is absurd to speak Of tho "loot-
prints of time" when it is well known
that time flies.
The preacher tells you that you
should marry for love, and yet he often
marrics for money.
Alvice to young ladies who arc set
ting their caps: Use pcrcussiol caps,
so that the "pop' may be heard.
Some deem it quite an honor just to be
One of the "lrst settlers in the town;
The best first settler, though, it seems to me-
Is he that pays cash down.
Young Man: 'WiJl you give assent
to my marriage with your daughter,
sir" Old maa firmly: mo sir, not a
cent?
Doctor Did you take the rhubarb
l ordercd?' Patient-"Ycs, SIR"
Doctor-'How did you take ita"
.-D~;sifAfr~ss a pie.''
Teacher: "What advantage hal the
old Greeks over us, II1nsP Hans
drawing a long breatD: They did
not have to learn Greek"
Teacher Sammy, why do you
write your name S. Smith, Marcher37
Sammy Why eau pa writes his }.
Smith, Juaior. | was born in March.
B9forc you call attention to the fact
that pig has no use for his tail, please
remember that you have two buttons or
on the lower part Of your coat that don't
button anything.
Teacher: "Supposiny that eight of
you should together have 48 apples, 80
peaches, Sc plums and 1G melons, what
would each OF you have| Pupils On
chorus: "Tho stomachach1."
is that all you can give me ma'am,'
pleaded the tramp---''a dipperlul of
watcr2' "Why, no, certainly not re-
Piled the woman with the bi heart;
'you can have as many dippcrluIs as
you like"
lie was mumbliug about tough steak
and cold coffee, and making himself
generally dieagreeablc. 'Dout groWl
so over your Breakfast, John" said his
wife, nobody Is going 10 take it away
from you"
The Bishop Of London has risen to be
wit. As he was taking leave Of a
parishioner with a very large family
the lady sail: But you haven seen my
last baby" M" he quickly replied,
"and never expect to!'
''You women are the greatest" cX-
claimed Fogg. "You' Il tramp all over
town just for samples to make crazy
quilt" "Ycs, replied Mrs. f., very
quietly, "and tho samples the men
gather throu5h the day make crazy
head. "
Physician Caftor consultatioa) Il
congratulate you sincerely" Patient
(-miling-"AmI recoveuag| Physi-
ciau-''Not exactly that; but on com
sultation we find thlt your case is en-
tircIy unique, AMI we have decide to
give your name to the disease, il our
diagnosis Is confirmed at the autopsy.
F athcrly (naking a caID: q sup
pose you viii soon c going into the
country Mrs. Ilendrick ~ Me-. lIan-
dricks: "Ycs, We leave for the Cats
Kills next week. Mr.. Hendricks will
come up ouce a month for a day or So"
Fcathcrly: "Yes, heard him say he
was looking forward to a pleasant sum