The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-05-25
WISE, WITTY, AND APROPoS.
Sayings of Lawyers, Prisoners, and
Others in and Out OF the Courts.

our courts OF law nave FURNISHED us at
various times with very witty and amusing
remarks, lawyers and prisoners alike being
guilty on this score. Doubtless every one
has heard of the lrishman who, in reply to
the questions: Guilty or not guiltyfn said
''he would like to hear the evidence before
he would plead" A magistrate in another
case was dealing with vagrant, and in
severe tone addressed him thus: You have
been up before me half dozen times
this year" thereby giving him to under
stand that he had appeared too often on the
scene The prisoner, however was equal to
the occasion, for he replied: Come, now,
Judge, none If that Every time I've been
here I've seen YOU here. You are here more
than am People who live in glass houses
shouldn't throw stones"
Curran, the Irish advocate, was one day
examining Witness and, failing to get
direct answer, said There is no use in
your face" DO you, sirf" said the man
with smile. FAX, never knew before
that my face was looking glass" On
another occasion he was out walking with
friend who was extremely punctilious in his
conversation. The latter, hearing person
near him say curiosity for curiosity, ex-
claimed: "How that man murders the Ian
guagem Not so bad as that, replied Cur
ram; "he has only knocked an OUT
Prisoner at the barr said Judge, sis
there anything you wish to say before sem
fenced is passed upon youp The prisoner
looked toward the door and remarked that
he would like to say Good evening"" if it
was Agreeable to the company
II remember" says Lord EldOn, 'Mr
Justice Gould trying case at York, and
when he had proceeded for about two hours
he observed: Here are only eleven jury
men in the box where is the TWELFTH
Please you, my Lord, said one of the eleven
he has gone away about some business, but
he has left his verdict with me-
This is almost on par with a case tried
in one of the Lancashire courts when Ser
geant Cross was a resident barriSter in that
county. The jury, having consulted and
agreed upon their verdict, were addressed
by the Clerk: How say you, gentlemen of
the jury; do you find for the plaintiff or the
defendantp
What sayn yol l dunnos understand"
said the foreman.
why, as you have decided, all want to
know is whether your verdict is for the
plaintiff or the defendantP
The foreman looked still greatly embar-
raised, but he replied: "Whoy, rally dun
not know. but we're for him as Mester Cross
is for"
Lord Cockhurn's looks. tones, language,
and manner were always such as TO make
one think that he believed every word he
said. On one occasion before he was raised
to the bench, when defending a murder, al
though he failed to convince the Judge and
jurymen Of the innocence of his client, yet
he convinced the murderer himself that he
was innocent. Sentence of death was pro-
nounced, and the day of execution fixed for
fha O(ltf lnu Of TaD11arNy @ .OrI (.Cnlr.
burn was passing the condemned man, the
latter seized him by the gown, saying: II
have not got justice, Mr.. Cockburn-I
have not got justice " To this the advocate re-
piled: Perhaps not; but you'll get it on
the Goth day of January"
Witty and humorous replies, however, are
not confned TO law courts, so we may leave
the Judges and their satellites and gather up
a few fragments elsewhere. An Irish re-
cruit about to be inspected by Frederick the
Great was told that he would be asked these
questions: How old are youl How long
have yoa been in the services Are you con
tant with your pay and rations! He pre-
pared his answers accordingly. 1t SO hap
pened, however, that the King began with
the second question. How long have YOU
been i'll the services" Paddy glibly replied.
Twenty years" why" said the King,
chow old are youp six months" an
swered Paddy. six months" exclaimed
the KING; "surely either you or must be
mad" YES, both, your Majesty n con-
fession scarcely anticipated by the royal ex-
aminer
A good story is told of a General and his
wife, resident in Ireland, who were con
stantly peStered by a beggar woman to
whom they had been very generous
One morning at the accustomed hour, when
the lady was getting into her carriage, the
old woman began 'Agh! my lady, success
to yer ladyship, and success to yer honor's
honor this morning, OF all the days in the
year, for sure didn't drame last night that
her ladyship gave me pound of tay, and
yer honor gave me pound of obaccop
But. my good woman, said the General,
''do you not know that dreams always 90
by the rule of contraryp
.'Do they so, phase yer honors" replied the
old woman. "Then it must be yer honor
that will give me the tay and her ladyship
that will give me the tobacco"
An American and an Irishman were once
riding together, and coming across an old
gallows by the wayside, Jonathan thought
he would have quiet laugh at Paddy's ex-
pense. you see that, calculate" said he,
pointing to the galiows. "Now, where
would you be il the gaIIows had its dueY'
Paddy replied: "Riding alone"
Another Il'ishman was observed writing a
letter, in a very large hand. when
questioned rs to why he employed such
large characters, replied: "Arrah, dear,
isn't it to my poor old mother I'm writing
An, she is so very deaf that I'm writing her
loud letter."
"Come down this instant!' said the boat
swain to a mischievous son of Erin no had
been idling in the round top. Come down
say, and I'll give you a good dozenl"
"Troth, sir, and / wouldn't come down if
you'd give me two dozen" Another sea-
faring Irishman was engaged hauling
rope into small boat, whom the captain of
the ship, who was on tho poop, ordered him
to bear hand" Tho captain then took
turn on deck, but on his return Barney
was still working hard ut the line. "Why,
haven't you reached the o ID yetln cried the
captain. NO, indeed, master; and by my
soul, I've been looking fer the end till am
beginning to think it has got none. | do
believe sir, somebody has cut is Off"
Foote, on his return from a visit to Ire
land was asked ii he had seen Cork. mo
he replied; but when / was in Dublin | saw
a great many drawings of it,. Pope, not
withstanding his diminutive ard misshapen
figure, is said to have been not little sus-
ceptible of oven personal vanity. One day
he asked Swift what people thought of him
in ireland. why said Swift, "they
think that you are a very little man, but a
very great poet" Pope instantly retorted: