West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1888-12-20
HUMOR OF ii DAY.


Babes in the wood-Wooden dolls.
Potomac fiats-WashiDgton dudes.
All poets have trouble with their feet.
Cuts a good fgure-An expert sculp-
Cor.
A race across the Atlantic-The Eng
lish.
The still alarm-An overwound Ameri-
can clock.
The Port Of London Logwood and
currant wine.
Amatter of some weight-Proposing
to a 2O0-pound widow.
A touching sight-A small boy irvesti-
eating a newly painted door. +
The immediate delivery system Your
money oreyour life. DO Ton Ga7e,te.
A neighbor had so natural a picture of
n hen that it laid in his drawer for a
week. y
The reason why a sailor is called a tar
is because he is constantly pitched about
by the ocean
No matter how good a man may be,
when he ships as a seaman he gets into a
mess. -Ocean-
At a Montana wedding: Justice
VIM huhAo lAtknO0 DlA
dollars. Cash up; no trust"
When ball and bat are put away,
And icy winters here
The clubs have plenty time to brag
Ofwhat they'll do next year.
There is a man in New York who, il
is said, can eat nine pounds of steak at q
sitting. He is the greatest steAk- holder
we ever knew.
eEdison's phonograph has one merit
that is worthy of consideration. 1t never
talks unless talked to. But, on the other
hand, 1t talks back.-NeD York Neos.
De smithviIle (at the theatre)-"Do
you like tragedy, Miss Butchers'' Miss
Butcher-"Oh, / dote on it l Always
attend papa's sIaughter-house twice a
week"
The funeral of a Colorado editor who
charged State official with being such
a dastardly robber that he would rifle a
cannon, was largely attended, Wash
iagtOR Critic.
One of the saddest sights in this world
of ups and downs is to see an II Know
My Redeemeth Livethr motto exposed
Tor sale in a pawnbroker's window
Men York Mercury.
In Iceland it is the custsm for every
body to kiss everybody else he meets. it
requires a good deal of skill in Iceland
10 meet only the people you would really
like to see. -SomOreiHe Journal.
A st. Louis physician has cured a
woman OF chronic nervousness by com
polling her to spend four weeks in a
boiler factory, where she couldn't hear
herself talk.-Detrob Free Press.
Husband (severely)-"Whatl more
money. Suppose I was ~dead-you'd have
70 beg ~forsyour cash" Wife (calmIy)
1T wouldn't be a. though i had never
had any practice, sir. 80 kicago Globe.
There is a wealthy man uptown who
does not hire a pew in church, because
he believes in paying as he goes. He
goes twice a year and drops a nickel in
the box each time. -Neio York Sna.
The papers say that Irvine is disap-
Fearing from the table, Mrs. Haische,
who keeps a boarding house, says she
las Doticed tbe same popularity In
bread butter Dcei, potatoes md other
eatables gr1s Eerald.
Acnt sat - tas TX fence. his comrades
And ~ q nsferal consequences things few
0DwIthis road
B~fotlact~ lpttles, stools and bricks. the
~ 1l.s wild did FIRE.
BIT a ,aoPs did calmly lick and loudly
DC I'd Marian
"Buffaloi Buffalo p shouted the brake
o, looking ia the car door as the
rain reached that city. ''2y JoyeT' ex-
claamed the excited English tourist.
'my gun is in the luggage room, you
know F'-MaH aBd Esfres.
Young TifFes faint hearted)-1Just
think, angel mine, how poor lam. Why,
what could ! make OF your" She
fbrayely)-''Well, you could make Mrs.
Titles Of me Il you had any nerve."-
Washington Critic.
'See here, my friend, " said a farmer
20 a tramp, you've been Iyin' in the
shade Of that fence for over thirteen
hours. Amt II bout time To move on ~
"If you say so, " replied the tramp. struQ-
Cling 20 bis feet, Il s'pose il Is. I'm
only tryiB' TO make my shoes last as long
as possible. Time.
Asa specimen Of the ponderous legal
wittIcism, Mr. Baron Huddlestonts latest
Obiter dictum is not bad. ''suoh was the
intricacy Of the lunacy laws" said his
lordship, that they hada tendency to
reduce persons who gave an abstruse
study 10 them into persons FOR whose
benefit they were intended"
A Humorous Horse swap.
a Cincinnati paper records a horse
trade which, If not quite the FIRST Of lis
wnnnIfnr Ntnn AZ ffr rhrrurDfra r-gT..tr-