The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1888-04-04

SOC" on his cap. Essex" he said,
| with the reassuring air OF a man
| who knew the country before the ark
landed, and knows q great deal better where
you want to go than yor do. Essex?
| Yes; down on the valley read. Your train
has Just been gone nine minutes. Now"
he went on, brushing away the cloud OF
despair that had settled down on our
classic and intellectual brows "Ill iust
send you across the country and head ii
| off for you. Get right back on the train
| you got out OF, go as far as Berlin, change
there, and gst on the train you'll fnd
| waiting there, run on 10 Middletoyn. get
off and eat your dinner, and by the time
you're ready for it the train you've Just
missed here will come along. All aboard 20
/ was dumbfounded, but 1 couldn't
help believing q man who could talk
that way as firmly as though he was de-
cision of the supreme court. We did lust
as be said; performed the feat of running
across the country on two trains 10 head
of the one we bad missed, dined at Middle
town, and, by Jove! there came the train
just on time, together with rain storm
that hasn't been eoualled since Mark
Twain invented New England weather"
Ii ever you get lost In Connecticut, tele-
graph to the officer on duty at the much
initiated station at Hartford, and If he is
feeling right well, he can set you down in
the place you want TO be thirty minutes
before the train gets there.
A QUAKER PARROT GUN.
A man down in Pennsylvania bought an
intelligent parrot and taught it to whistle
for the dog, call the police and shout,
Thieves! thieves robbers in the houss!'
Then, feeling that they had q dead sure
thing on the burglars, the family slept in
peace, while every night the parrot was on
guard shrieking with all his energy. One
night at last burglars did come-and they
kicked in the front door and carried oil
everything in the house worth taking
away from the silver to the kitchen stove,
while the parrot kept up such a racket
that you couldn't hear it thunder.
WAETED-A HOUSE.
So you are going to be an architect, my
SOM Well, that is good-what do you
architects CALI it-profession? Whatever
you call it, 1t is good calling. Now, I'll
tell you what l would do IL were an arch
itect. I would learn to build q house
you pay close attention to that department
Of architecture, my son; learn to plan q
house, and il will put money in your
purse. But all architects plan houses;
that is what they do?n Oh, no.
my son; OBJ no-men have been
planning and building houses ever since
the eviction at Eden, and they haven't
succeeded in making a model yet. All
the architectural genius in the world
hasn't succeeded in designing HOUSE. that
is perfectly satisfactory to anybody, and
as to building house that will fit every
body-what, there's the biggest bonanza
in Progress county awaiting for the man
who can give us that house. Now, the
tailor has attained perfection IN his art
to which the architect is stranger. He
designed suits that are models for all
civilized men. When MIR. Vanderbilt
wants a dress suit his tailor makes
him one just like the one he made for
the head.wsi er. And when the head
waiter wants dress suit the tailor gives
him one like unto that which Mr.. Wander
bilt owes for, The Prince Albert which
you wear, my SOD, is like unto the one
which the prince wesrs. The tailor has
made 8 coat which fits us all, and we want
the architect TO make Us en- easy, comfort
able, respectable looking house. Ii it
takes nine tsilors TO make a man, where
are the architects? II you are going to be
an architect. my boy. remem Der what
tell you: Learn to build house.
BAIT I'm, BROTHER, BAIT EN-.
How shall We reach the mGsses2" asks
g religious paper. Dear brother, you can
best reach them with a spoon. Go TOR
them with knife ana fork. Humanity 9
tender point is its paunch. The conscience
of man may be scared ss with hot iron,
Dut MS NAV Is ever op6u 70 ulpIesslO1S.
His intellect may be stunted, but his appe-
tite is plant. Take him to the concert
or the theaier and he comes away to seek
the nearest feeding place where he may
gorge himself before he sleeps. The little
struggling church that bankrupts itself
still further by venturing on a lecture
| course, finally lifts itself clear out
Of debt by series of suppers. A mau
who will not pay 80 cents for book, will
dump 81 80 worth of dinner into his sys-
tenn. A picnic without ten parts of feed
to one part of band, is fl at failure When
we receive" distinguished guest, We feed
him; when We say 'goOd.by" to an emil
nent citizen, we give him something to
eat. We have 8 feast for the Wedding
guests, luncheon for the watchers, aud q
light collation. for the mourners. There
are thousand restaurants to one library.
yea, more. By and by, if the principles of
evolution be true, this world will be peo-
pied by a race of stomschs with legs and
arms. The legs will be needed to carry
the stomach to the trough, and the arms
70 I'll 1t up. ROBERT ]. BCRDsTTE.