Wichita eagle., 1888-04-01
THE LIME KILN CLUB.
BROTHER GARDNER ON PICKLES
SMITHS LUCK IN FISHING.


Judge Chewso Borrows the Clubs Bust
of PIato-An Unfortunate Loss-An I'M
portant Astronomical Observation.
Nhalebone Howker Makes Bad Move.
zone fing dat convinces me dat de Lawd am
a good Lawd," said Brother Gardner as the
meeting opened. "ar' de way be puts up wild
human natur'. One has only to put on his
hat an take walk aroun' de block to convince
hisself dat if we had any odder Lawd 'cept de
one we've got dar' would be a powerful
shakin' up of dis airth cherry day in de week
an twice on Sunday.
LAS week Pickles Smith went off fishin'.
He had no bizness to reason dat he'd chen git
a bite. but he just sot down an figgered dat
he'd bring home six tons of bass an pickerel
He went. an he fished, an he bobbed, an
be spit on his bait an he cotched one leedle
sun bass about as big as a two cent piece. He
cum home mad as wet hen. an de way he
took on an skipped Thursday evenin' pray'r
meetin' was awful 10 h'ar. De fact dat he
hast been jerked outen his butes an tied up
in fo' hard knots proves how willin' de Lawd
ar to gin human natur, anodder chance"
A PROPOSITION ACCEPTED.
Some time since Judge Chewso gave gar
den party. In order to have the affair as
recherche as possible be borrowed a bust of
Plato from the club museum and fastened it
in a crotch Of plum tree. 1t added greatly
to the pcturesqueness of the affair, and the
Judges heart began to swell with pride, when
some unknown assassin in the street flung
rock at the bust and shivered it into a hum
dred fragments. The judge was notified that
he must replace the bust if it cost him a mill
ion dollors, and for the past four weeks he
has been in q terrible state Of mind. At this
meeting he announced that he had utterly
tailed to secure bust, but he had PROPOSE
ton to Offer In place of the bust Of Plato
he would furnish one Of Columbus and an
other of Goethe, and he would sign a pledge
never to give another garden party as long
as he lived.
Sir Isaac WaIpole, Giveadam Jones, Whale
bone Howker, Col Cabiff and others made
brief speeches favoring the acceptance Of the
proposition, and the president finally said:
1--WE will accept it, but let dis be sad
warnin' to you all My eye will be kept on
de ledge fur de next few months, an in case
be ar' found layin' wires fur anodder ga'den
party. sunthin' will transpire to ripple fur
row of sadness across his classick brow"
The quarterly report Of the committee on
astronomy asserted that no radical changes
had taken place in the heavens during the
last three months. As to whether the spots
on the sun had any influence on the weather
the committee were divided, but each faction
stood ready to be convinced The estimated
distance of the sun from the earth, as care
fully revised by the committee, was only GOO
miles This is knocking off a heap of miles,
but the four men figured it all out on barn
floor and are ready to stand by the chalk
marks. The remarkably hot weather for the
past month is attributed to the increased
motion of the earth as it revolves on its axis
This motion will begin to decrease about the
middle Of August, and one paper collar will
then last man from ten days to two weeks.
On motion Of Judge Cahoots the report
was accepted and adopted.
BAD MOVE.
Whalebone Howker had lately been on the
jury in the recorders court, and has also held
a successful birthday party, and the two
events have served to make him very pomp-
GUS. He occupied front seat at the meet
ing, crossed his legs like a banker, and glared
around him with the greatest complacency.
After the report of the committee on astron-
omy had been made he arose and said:
'Misser Chairman, l move dat de COM
mittee ON finance be instructed to purchase
chiny toilet set an a plate glass mirror fur de
blue aunty room, /, fur one, has got tired of
washia' in tin basin an wipin' on piece of
coffee sack"
"W-what's dat?' exclaimed Brother Gard
ner as soon as he could get his voice, "you-
you want a chiny set, an a lookin' glass, an
some towels wild red bo'der. Brudder How
ker, sot down! You ar fustly fined $4,000
an costs, an, secondly, l declar' you sus-
pended from de club tur a period Of three
monthsl ! hev had an eye on you fur de
past month, sab, an hev bin anticipatin'
some SIGH break. You are man who can't
STAN prosperity, sab. When you hev got
three billed shirts and two yaller vests to-
gether you feel dat you own all de co'ner lots
in Detroit. / knowed yer fadder well. He
was a much better man dan You, an yit no
went b'arfut all summer, washed his face in
a trough of water, an he was lucky to find q
piece of straw tick fur a towel De seckre-
tary will record de sentence in full, an
shall see dat it ar properly carried out"
"K-kin / withdraw de moshun, sah."
asked the humbed Howker as his pulse in
creased to $50 minute.
mo, sahl A moshun which incloods chiny
sets an red bo'dcred towels kin neber be
withdrawn when once presented to dis club!
De culprit will be removed by de back stair
way, an de meetin' Will close itself up fur
one week. Detroit Free Press.