davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-23

ing on my girl. '.Three o'clock. l
should think the old man would have
come down stairs with shot gun"
..Her father is widower, aud is
counting a lady in the next block. L
never have TO leave until he comes
home. y Omaha World.
1T IS my melancholy duty" said the
chairman. ito report the dissolution
of Brother Hardhead since this meet
ing last adjourned. why do We call
it dissolution?" asked the member
from Wayback. He was blown up
by can of dynamite and scattered
over six counties. Perhaps some of
you fellows would rather have me say
-pulyerization. Judge.
Brown was abusing Smith violently
on the sidewalk one night Jones,
who was Smiths friend, heard it from
an upper window and yelled to Smith,
KNOCK him DOWN. The next day
Jones and Smith met, 'Why didn't
you knock that man DOWN." asked
Jones. Il hollered to you to do it.
Yes" replied Smith, .'and I would
have holIered the same thing had /
been up where you were. ~ eras
SiftjngS.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-23
Three Kinds Of Kentucky Kisses.

Outside of those kisses bestowed by
affec Tomato relatives there can be but
three recognized classes of the genus
kiss-as viewed from a male stand
point. The first comes upon your lips
as if they were touched by a smooth
planed, cool and insensate board,
without life or neutrality-suspicious.
i've of any agreeable sensation what
ever, and not worth being garnered
with the hearts mementoeS of golden,
happy hours. The second is a gentle,
velvety kiss, very sweet and pleasant,
but veXatiously unsatisfying to an ar
dent nature, and but little more pro-
nounced than fascinating cousin
would likely bestow. The third is
such as coral, tempting, passionate
lips bestow, for about ten seconds,
upon your ips-'.a lingering sweet
ness long drawn out"-that not only
steals your breath, but seems TO be
drawing your very soul from out your
body. A fellow may forget his moth
Grand about the time he is harvest
ing such Il kiss he is sure to forget her
but the recollection of that I'M
dwarfed, honest kiss viii abide with
him source OF joy, and be common
surate with life itself. From the LT1siOn
Local.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-23
In the Shades.

Mrs. Clubable (entering the Shades
by express from Chicago)-Have you
a Browning and Shelley Club here, my
dear sir?
Pluto-Er-that is, no, madam, not
yet.
Mrs Clubable-Impossible!
Pluto (apologetically) Well, you
see, madam, Elizabeth Barrett talks
of organizing one soon, and Percy B.
gives daily readings from his works.
Mrs. Clubable-O, dear! But her
ideas of the interior outwardness and
external internally of Browning's
poems must be shockingly old-fash-
toned by this time. And you know
Shelley really needs some strong mod
ern intellect to guide Alright the de-
lightful guilelessness of his interpre-
tation of his life-problems. l shall
have to take the first return train for
Chicago. Thanks. Yes, my bag
may I trouble you? So kind! exit
uslv.)-TTd-Bits
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-23

the country. where there can be no
tide. There may be some atmospheric
influence which proFokes the males to
howl. while the females join in with
them. There can not be a sexual i'm
pulse in the matter, for that would not
make old and young howl together.
have had opportunities to hear this
bowling great many times, and to
observe the howlers from very close
vicinity. Every time, there sat an old
male up in a tree, supporting himself
on his fore feet, and having his long
tail, naked of hair on the inside for
about nine inches from the end, black
and smooth as hand, wrapped around
a limb, while other males, females and
young sat beneath him in variety of
positions. All at once the old fellow
would set up a horrible rafting
.'Rochu, rochHr' which. after five or
six repetitions, passed into a below
ing in which all the others would join,
and which was loud enough to make
one afraid of losing his hearing.-Au-
gust Happier IN Popular Science Month
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-23
The Miser and the Bill.

On one of the islands of the Maine
coast there lived several years ago
man noted for his misery disposition.
However that may be, he became
quite wealthy. One winter during the
session of the Legislature, this person
had occasion to visit Augusta. He
stepped into restaurant for dinner
and the waiter spread before him the
printed bill OF fare. The eyes of the
novice opened wide as he quickly
added the figures at the right OF the
page, indicating prices; then, spring
ing to his feet, he Indignantly cried:
"Whati all that to pay, and hain't eat
a mouthful yet?" The outcome we are
not told, but on a subsequent visit the
gentleman carried pail of yictuals with
him from home.-LeUistol1 Journal.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-23
A Con Stitutional HowIer.

There are eight species of apes in
Dutch Guiana. The most conspicuous
of them is the bowling ape (Hyeetes
se1siestEus). which is also one of the
best-known and largest of the race.
It is called baboon in the colony,
Gtouatte by the Caribs, and itolt by the
Arowaks. When standing up it is
about three feet high, and weighs
about 20 pounds. 1t lives in both the
constructions and the interior, and
eats fruits, leaves and buds. Its big,
scanty-haired belly, the thick, tawny
skin of its back, passing into a purple
brown at the back of the head and the
feet; its black face, with its strong set
of teeth, and the prominence under
its neck, covered with a long yellow
beard, altogether make it one of the
ugliest apes of tropical America. It
lives in small troops of rarely more
than twelve individuals, among which
is always to be found an old, full
grown male, which takes higher
place on the tree than the others, and
leads the lugubrious concert by which
these apes are so broadly distinguished
from other species. The windpipe of
the male is much stronger and more
complicated than that of any of the
other apes, and is connected with a
vocal apparatus composed of bone
substance of about the size of a goose
egg, which is set in the hollow of the
under jaw. 1t looks from without like
a wen, and acts as q sounding-board
to strengthen the voice TO an almost
incredible extent. The females have
4 similar apparatus, but only about
an inch in size. do not know what it
is that prompts the animal to set up its
great cry. 1t is believed in the colony
that it cries out only when the flood
tide begins. but this is wrong, for
these apes howl at all times of day,
and quite as much in the interior of
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-23
A Serenade.
,he sleeps! my lady sleeps!

She sleeps! my lady sleepSi
Let me steal softly through the dusky bowers,
And while the fragrance OF the climbing
flowers
In at her easement slowly, gently creeps,
Let me below her happy window stand,
And touch my lute with not too light hand,
Because you see she sleeps,
] do not wish she would sleep.
/ wish that through the window she should
creep
And from the balcony lean down to me.
Then strive, my lutte, with eager haste to see
Which shall outstrip-the elm bling Hower-cup
Seeking her window. or thy dulcet strain
Seeking the same sweet goal, and gently lam
To wake her up!
And yet-and yet-remember this, my lutte,
Though / would have you wake my Lady fair,
And bring her to the balcony up there.
To shine for me the evenings brightest star,
Remember this; have no wish to wake
My lady's pal
] prithee, dearest lutte, make no mistake:
Wake her, but let not thy soft striving break
His sum Der. / would have no luckless boot,
Thrown from another window rudely mar
Thy music. 1t is much to ask i know!
Yet strive, dear lute-I do entreat thee So
10 be for him lullaby, for her
Reyeille, and for me messenger.
But softl what light through yonder win
dow breakst -
TITS not the eastI tis Juliet i have voni
But, dearest lutte, thy task is yet done:
Its gentle effort kindly make to keep
Her pa asleep.
-Harper's Weekly,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-23
How to Get Rid Of a Bore.

4 party of friends were discussing a
certain insurance agent in Scott Corn
ing's cigar store last evening. and it
was agreed that he was about the
worst bore in the city. 81 fixed him
30 that he lets me alone" said Mr.
Corning, finally. He used TO come
in here and bother me dreadfully to
let him write me up One day / saw
him coming and just as he opened the
door began terrible coughing fit,
and as soon as got my breath | told
him was afraid it was all up with
me; that consumption was a family
trait, and ali that. He hasn't put his
nose inside my door since. - Chicago
NetCs.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-23

In Chicago: The lady is leaning on
the arm of an elegant and wealthy
young man and leading her little
daughter by the hand. Little daughter
%, ma, ma, look there! See that
gentleman on the other side. Don't
you know him? Ma.-N-no, my
dear. I. D.-Why, mamma! he was
papa last year.-Toa0n Topics.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-23

The health of the family: Joseph,
love, you told me you never drank be-
fore we married. mo. shWeet; never
did. Only been drinking your helsh
ever sinsh." .'But, Joseph, when
baby was born you swore you"
..Shwore, dear? Never shwear. Only
been dwinking babsh helsh ever
shinsh. "-T0a0B Topics.
Mailing you'll have to or
der some paper for wrappers. We
are almost entirely out" Publisher
..Order nothing; don't you know the
Congregational Record is about to re-
sumo publication p on Cha Bts@SFsF'@'
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-23

ike II. EulIOE-LlhG IL. w ldG IudhCS
you think like it? Contributor (per-
plexed)-Why-why-you laughed my
dear sir. Editor-Um-did [? Yes.
Well, it is funny you should think that
thing a joke.-ITd-bits.
Miss Skeen-'sWhere did you grad
uate from, Mr.. CLIP" Mr.. Gill
From the school of pharmacy" Miss
Skeen with surprise) ID it possible?
What strange choice for young
man brought up in the city!--but. if |
remember rightly, your grandfather
was a farmer, too. Judge.
A miser, troubled with heart disease,
finally decided to call a physician.
After the preliminary examination the
patient asked: Doctor. how much is
it going to cost?" mot a SOU"
Thanks; but you're too kind. l ought
not to -" 80, don't trouble YOUR
self! Your heirs will see that 1 am
paid. "-Judge.
Featherly (to Dumley, who has been
to the races)-You look as though you
had had bad luck, Dumley. DUNE
bitterly Bad luck? borro.ve so
from Brown and I'm nugwunlp Il !
didn't lose every cent of it. Featheriy
(soothingly)-O, well, old man, it
isn't as if the money came out of your
own pocket, you know.-Ifd-Bits.
Mrs. Den Suade-''How perfectly
lovely your diamonds are, Mrs. Late
"" Mrs. Lately-'sfm SO glad you
like them; Mr.. Lately gave them to
me for birthday present" Mis-. Den
Suade-"He has excellent taste, I'm
sure; those cunning little tiny stones
are so well in accord with your spirit
uelle style of beauty, you know. =
Judge.
George-''You look sleepy, John. "
joint did not get to bed until 8
o'clock this morning. / was out call
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1888-08-15
Tho Christian in Politics.

The Christian must have to do with
politics just as do other citizens. The
scruples Of some brethren who refuse to
vote or to have anything whatever to do
with political matters are entitled to re-
spect. They arc honest, and honesty is
always to be respected. They are dis
gusted and repealed by the ethics of prac-
tical politicians and the infamies of prac-
tical politics, 50 called. And SO they keep
out of politics altogether, leaving tho po-
Etical affairs of the country to be man
aged by fellow Christians less squeamish
and by the place hunters and their fol-
lowers and dupes. 1t is clear this is a
wrong view of the subject. The argu-
ment that would debar a Christian from
taking practical interest in the political
affairs of his country would shut him out
from secular affairs generally and deprive
society of his influence in a sphere where
it is so much needed. Christian
Advocate (Methodist).
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1888-08-15
Niagara Falls, Lake Chautauqua
and Toronto Excursion.

On August 10Th the Kanawha
Short Line-K. & O. and T. & O..
G. R'ys-will run low rate Lake
Chautauqua, Niagara Falls and
Toronto excursion, in connection
with the Bee Line.
No ether line in the country
gives such careful attention to
excursion business, or is as we'll
equipped to satisfactorily conduct
it as the Bee Line, and the large
numbers who always turn out and
go with their excursions each sue
ceeding year shows the popularity
of the line over all other routes.
Regular Excursion Agents will &C.
company the special excursion
trainslthrough to the Falls, looking
after details and making the ZOOS:
favorable arrangements tor enter
tanning the party whilst there, pre-
senting the different points OF in
terest in the most attractive man
ner. Niagara Falls is a National
attraction one never tires of seeing,
and the opportunity of crossing
Lake Ontario by steamer from Lew
iston, visiting Toronto, at the
slight additional expense, should
be improved. We trust everybody
who possibly can do so will make
their arrangements to join Kanaw-
ha Short Line excursion August
18th. For rates OF fare, time of
trains, and full particulars call on
agents of the Kanawha Short
Line.
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1888-08-15
A DRY Sunday in st. Louis.

The delegates to the Democratic ma
tional convention in St. Louis felt not q
little irritated at the rigor of the new
Sunday laws enforcement. Every saloon
and bar in the city was closed and there
were very few side doors open. Oyer the
bars at the big hotels signs were placed
giving warning that the state excise law
having been construed to include in its
operations cities, as well as towns and
villages, the bar would be closed. At the
Lindell there was posted behind the row
of decanters and bottles this significant
legend: "Forewarned is foroarmed." The
hint was taken by many, but those who
did not supply themselves before mid
night went thirsty on Sunday. The hotel
bills of fare sorrowfully set forth that not
even wines could be served with meals,
and the restaurants took the same course
Brewers Journal
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1888-08-15
How Business men view it.

Recently, William Corrigan of
Hartford Conn, applied for licen-
Sc to sell liquor in the manufact-
uring district of Hartford. The
presidents of the Weed Sewing
Machine Co., the Hartford Screw
Machine Co., the l. B. Davis & Son
Co., and officers of the Pratt &
Whitney Co., representing more
than 1000 men employed, opposed
granting the license. Mr.: !. b.
Davis testified that in the last ten
years the saloon had been $1O,OOO
damage to him. The liquor ques-
tion as financial question, to say
nothing of its moral and social side,
is far greater than the tariff or all
other issues combined. 1t promises
well for the prohibition cause
when business men begin to look
at it from matter, of-fact, dollars
and cents view, for the financial
side furnishes one of the strongest
arguments for prohibition.
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1888-08-15
The Beasts or tho Men.

If intemperance should break out among
horses and cattle there would DO an extra
session of congress called In less than
three weeks to stay the evil, and If any
statesman % should propose to stay" it
by giving it legal status, by taxing it, and
by licensing men to conduct it, all the ex-
positors of constitutional law would be
found arrayed against such legislation.
But, pshaw it's only men that get drunk.
and laws that would be instantly pro-
nounced unconstitutional If applicable to
beasts are upheld and respected by the
public mind when applied to man.-Anti
Nuisance Journal.
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1888-08-15
Midsummer by Sea.

Ever attractive, and particularly
at this season of the year, is the
seashore, with its cool breezes and
invigorating surf bathing. No.
where on the Atlantic Coast can
one better enjoy himself than at
Atlantic City, the Brighton OF
America.
The fourth of the series of those
delightful excursions, via pictures
que B. & o., to this great resort is
announced for Thursday, August
Is.
The trains will leave Parkers.
burg 2 so a. m. & $50 p. m.
Round trip fare So
Correspondingly low rates from
other stations on the line.
Pullman Palace Sleeping Cars
attached to both trains.
The tickets are good Ten days
with the privilege of a stop off at
Washington, D. c., on the return
journey.
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1888-08-15
PARKERSBURG
CITY PARK FAIR.

September 4, 5, 6, & 2, 'SS.
The City Park Association is
determined to make this THE
FAIR of the State this year. Mr..
Shattuck and the managers are
busy as bees getting all things in
capital shape for the comfort and
pleasure of visitors.
A splendid Fountain of Ice-Cold
Water, will be a happy surprise
for all the thirsty. Farmers can
come with their families with full
assurance of meeting with no annoy.
apce from drukenness snd swind.
ling games, as all intoxicants and
gambling will be excluded.
The W. G. T. U. will have the
Dining Hall in first class style in
every way.
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1888-08-15
The Kahkakee Line.

The G. & l. st. l.. q G. Ry.,
(Kankakee Line) is again running
its comfortable reclining chair cars
on night trains between Cincinnati
Indianapolis, Lafayette and Chi.
cago. This Line is also running
two Pullman sleepers between
Cincinnati and Chicago and one
between Indianapolis and Chicago.
Rates via this Line always as low
at the lowest.
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1888-08-15

Magistrate Hackett of this vicinity, on
his return from the Chicago convention
was asked by an acquaintance of mine
why the Republican party ignored the
temperance issue in the platform. He
made tho following reply; Two were all
so drunk during the first part Of the con-
vention that we forgot all about temper
ance. After VIC sobered up and found
we had forgotten it, we hung on the reso-
luton, as everything must have tail. +"
That is about the size of the sincerity Of
old party politicians on the temperance
question, as | have reason to know by
being acquainted with n great many Of
The Quill.
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1888-08-15
Tho Question of the Hour.


Shall the nation stand sponsor for Satan's own
child,
Whose bride giving hands arc with murder de-
fled?
Shall the nation DO found on the side of our foe'
Shall it help to bind on us u burden of woe2
Shall it license distilleries and take of their gain
Be q partner in guilt for the blood of the slainf
Take their money and sell them our citizens
lives,
Help to beggar their children and murder their
wivesY
Shall 1t license the brewersY shall its honor be
sold
To dstillers and brewers for millions in goldY
For their gold shall it barter our freedom away;
Make us yield to this thralldom forever and aver
Shall it license the sellers to ruin our boys,
And take from our home life the sun of its joys!
Shall we help him to conquer the noble and
brave.
And crush out his manhood and make him
SLAYER
We appeal TO you, freemen, to think and to pause
Ere you vote for the statesman who will vote for
such laws
Let dctation of party be thing of the past,
Put your principles first, let the party be last
Let the people awaken and enter the strife
Let them strange the vampire that feeds on our
life
Make the nation prohibit this curse of our land,
And sweep 1t away with the strength of its hand
-
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1888-08-15
CAMP MEETING.
At Newark, Writ County w. Va.
Temperance Day, Saturday Sep.
TENDER Sth.
Camp One Week, beginning Sept. s..

There will be an old fashioned
Camp meeting at Newark, WHIT
County, commencing September 5
and continuing one week.
1t will be under care of Elizabeth
Circuit of the NJ. E. Church.
One striking feature will be the
devotion of the Saturday Service to
Amendment Work.
Many ministers are expected
during the meeting and a cordial
invitation is extended to preachers
and people OF all denominations to
camp together.
Arrangements will be made for
entertainment of ministers. Lay
men who do not wish to furnish
tents can get board at the Hotels
in town or on the ground at reas-
enable rates.
Rev. A. n. Norcross, D. d., Presi-
dent of Pittsburgh FemalelCollege,
is engaged for the Sabbath Service.
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1888-08-15

Prof. W. M. Straus, formerly
Principal of our High School, was
promptly promoted to the Super
inteneency of all the Schools of the
District, in place of Prof. A. L.
Purinton resigned. This was
certainly the thing to do.
Familiar with the Schools as
Prof. Straus is, he will carry them
forward without jar to still high
er efficiency.
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1888-08-15
Death OF Gen. A. s. Core.

Gen. A. S. Core of Ellenboro died
of paralysis on Saturday last. Sew
erai months ago he suffered from
two successive paralytic strokes,
but had partially recovered when
the third stroke came and speedily
carried the aged veteran beyond
the River. General Core was one
of Richie county's most prominent
citizens and had reached the ripe
age of "a years.
He was we'll known and honored
in both business and political Cir
cles.
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1888-08-15
HOUNDSVlLLE CAMP MEET.
ING.
Temperance Day, Aug. Is.
Rev. Sam Small and Sam
Jones Coming.
EDITOR FREEMAN

EDITOR FREEMAN:
Please announce in your valued
paper that the moundsville Camp
Meeting will commence Aug. 18th
and close Sunday night Aug, Goth.
Rev. Sam P. Jones will come on
morning of 18th and remain 7 days.
Rev. Sam Small will be present
from Aug. 22nd till the close, Aug,
26th. A Grand Temperance Day
will be Thursday 23d.
Rev. DR.. Summers Stone and
wife, returned missionaries from
India with others eminently sue
cessfull in Camp Meeting work,
will be in attendance.
Prof. E. o. Excel (America' e
best singer will be present dur
ing all the meetings.
Gates will be closed at 10 a. M,
on both Sundays.
This promises to be the grandest
Camp Meeting ever held on old
Moundsville Camp Grounds.
JAMES W. BoDLEY.
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1888-08-15

The Wood County Democracy in
Convention, last Thursday, put
forth the following ticket-Sheriff,
A. A. KeIlar; Pros. Atty, r. Heber
Smith House of Delegates, Joe.
earle, Ran Rector, l.. N. Logan /;
Assessors, F. Nelly, W. W. Page.
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1888-08-15

Friends OF the cause VIII see that
announcements are made in Pull
pits, in Day Schools and Sunday
Schools and that the people of the
whole community are aroused to
give at least this one evening to the
defense of their homes against the
legalized piracies of the SALOON.
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1888-08-15
w. G.. T. u.
Amendment Campaign Lee
ture Bureau.
The Home Against The Saloon.

The Speakers announced under
this heading, will come under the
auspices of the Woman's Christian
Temperance Union, pleading for
West Virginia Homes and the
common interests of all the People.
Let friends of the Amendment of
all parties and classes, see to it that
there is general and enthusiastic
rally at every meeting.
The freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1886-18??, 1888-08-15
PLEASE RENEW
For the Amendment Cam
paign.

A blue X on this item is notice
that your short time subscription
has expired. For lack of help in
the office, short time subscriptions
ending July 1 were not cut off then,
but are now discontinued with
those ending Aug. 1st. We hope
our friends who have thus had the
FREEMAN a month gratis will ap-
preciate the favor, and send at
least Is cents now and have the