The Osceola times., 1888-12-01
THE AMATEUR FARM.
Brief Dissertation on Its Many Try
I.- ing Vicissitudes.
The Tcrrors OF Meeting the suave and In
siBuating Book Agent Whose Multi
tudiaous and WHY Way. Are
Fast Finding Out.

tudiaous and WHY Way. Are
Past Finding Out.
person on an amateur farm is, TO
certain extent, isolated, aud is at the
mercy OF various marauders that in
fest civilized-or, as | am speaking OF
amateur farming, perhaps l should
say -semi-civilized Society. Tramps,
book agents. tree peddlers, lightning
rod men, insm ancc solicitors and all
that sort of terror have the amateur
farmer or his wife at their mercy.
You can't spring an electric arrange
J ment and call IN policeman or out the
fire department il you turn the handle
too far Even il you shout for help
the ncighbors are too distant to hear
you, Thus II is that my farm is set ont
with kinds OF trees that | didn't want,
and that the buildings are covered with
Insurance and lightning rods and that
my book cases groan with volumes
that no one ever thinks of reading.
The book agent Is a terror, go qualed
4. only by the fruititree man. 1 have
often sat up nights pondering over the
question:; (Which is the worse of the
tworn Sometimes thought one way,
sometimes another, depending on which
OF them visited me last. 4 am usually
of the opinion that the book agent is
the worse, for the B. A. is generally t.
woman.
The other week one OF them came
around but nobody was at home and
she contented herself with thrusting
under the door circular describing
the advantages OF II serial work enti-
tied. THE Pictorial History Of Spain. "
But what interested me most was
torn bit Of paper which the agent had
dropped unawares and which was as
follows:
PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL.
On B.-This must on no account be shown
even 10 your best friend)
II is unfortunately now the case that many
persons object TO call from a book agent.
Such being the case II behooves the successful
agent TO take more than ordinary care III APP
proaching customer Il having been reported
10 us that people have deliberately slammed
the door in the faces OF our agents before
word could be said, We have given the subject
much thought and have compiled n set Of rules
which, II strictly followed, is sure to result in
success
First-Drcss like lady or gentleman.
siccond-Have no book or parcel visible
Third-To gain the confidence of the person
approached and obtain admittance to the
honse proceed as -
There ii left off just at the most ex-
asperating point. Not even Ito be
continued at the end OF it. The paper |
was torn across and 1 WIS torn with |
anxiety 10 know just how the agent
got in and how she won my confidence. |
The week after that wasn't at home |
much. House-cleaning umc is popu-
larly supposed to be the most trying |
period OF life for the unfortunate man |
of the family. /, of course, try to
avoid the dwelling then as much as
possible; but, in my opinion, house |
cleaning isn't circumstance to the |
tomato-canning struggle. Then the |
place takes on fearful and sangunary |
appearance. There is to me something |
appalling in the sight OF the woman of
the house with sleeves rolled up to the
elbow and the formerly fair arms drip
ping with the crimson gore OF the
slaughtered tomato. The house reeks
with the odor Of boiling tomatoes
Rows of grim bluebeard jars stand on
the shelves OF this vegetarian butch
cry, and others empty yawn for t.ood.
"In such a place as this and at such
IN hour" 1t is just as well for the in
significant man person TO keep away
from home. In the heat OF the carnage
the lady OF the house doesn't want TO
see the best friend she has on earth
much less her husband.
Just as the tomato saturnalia was at
its height, there came ring at the
door-bell The girl went to the door
and came back with IA neat card in her
hand on which were beautifully en-
praved the words Edith Blotter- /
wick"
Dear me-" said the lady of the
house, wiping her tomato stained
hands on the kitchen towel and taking
the card. II don't want 10 see any
body. don't remember that name.
Wha. did she look like? Had she a
parcelp"
"No, nam"
as she an agent, do you thinkP
"She don't look like ORC"
Had she subscription book in her
hand?n
mo, ma'am nothing but nice mar
asol with lace on it. D"
did you show her in the parlorP
"Yes, ma'am."
"!hen tell her, please, that III DO
down In q few minutes"