News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-03-08

GREAT BARGAIN.
Young sport on his way home from
his morning ride in the park drops III
at his doctors, and gives his horse to 6
boy to hold When he comes out he
finds a new boy in charge.
Sport-Well, but you're not the boy ]
left my horse with.
Boy-No, sir. iist speckilated, and
bought him of the other fellow for 8
nickel.-Teras SJtings.
SUGGESTION.
Tramp Ito citizen, who has donated q
nickel for nights lodging) you could
give me one more nickel, sir, can get a
bed all to myself.
Citizen-No, can't do that, but here
is a suggestion. You ask the gentleman
you are to sleep with for an additional
nickel. He ought to be willing to give
it gladly.
RESEMBLANCE.
Wife-Oh, dear. That fire will have
to be built again.
Husband-Is that so? That's too bad.
Wife-Why do you suppose it goes
out so often?
Husband-Goes out to get something
to keep it warm, just as I'm going to do.
I'll be back in an hour or so.-L0toell
Courier.
OFF HIS GUARD.
Miss Gushington (enjoying sleigh
ride)-I think you have a lovely horse,
Mr. De Lyle. About what does such q
fine animal cost?
Mr.. De Lyle-Two dollars an how
oh-er-yes, that horse is worth about
$500, Miss Gushington-Epoch.
HE WAS SATISFIED.
Stranger Ito office boy)-Did you tell
the editor there's a man down stairs
what wants to knock him kown an drag
him out?
Office Boy-Yessir; an he says will
you kindly step up at once, as he wants
to go to dinner.
Stranger somewhat milder)- Weller
I don't want to take no advantage of a
man with an empty stomach. Tell him
I'll come in again.
A ROLAND FOR AN OLIVER.
Wife Ito husband, who has stumbled
over pair of her shoes)-Don't be so
impatient, John. Inever saw man who
has so little self-control over small things
as you have.
Husband Heavens, my dear, you
don't call your shoes small things, do
you.-N. Y. Times.
CONSISTENCY.
She-Bcfore We we're married you
didn't think seven evenings week too
often to visit me. / can't see why you
don't stay more at home now.
He-Surely you don't mean to say,
my dear, that [ stayed much at home
then.-Judge.
HE HAD ASSISTANCE.
"Remember, my boy" said Uncle
James; as he gave Bobby coin, "that
if you take care of the pennies the dol
lars will take care of themselves. "
Bobby locke a trife dubious.
81 do take care of the pennies" he
replied, ''but as soon as they get to be
dollars pa takes care of EN-"
LOOK HARD.
There is a young lady in a girls
school i'll Georgia, who goes by the nick
name of Postscript" Her real name is !
Adeline Moore. -Burlington Free Press
HARD TIME.
''I'vo had a hard timo of it, muir
INJURED gone-to-seed specimen of hu
manity ''The fact is, luck has always
been against me. There's Tom Jones
and 'Bill Smith, both Of them well-to-
do, while I'm poor as poverty. L don't
see how it is. Neither Tom nor 'BilP
was any kind of a feller; never was ready
for d spree; while I was always ready
for anything, and willing to spend my
last cent on good time And yet, see
how luck has served me. l haven't got q
cent to my name and they're both rich
don't understand i'll It's hard world
anyhow, unless q fellcrs got luck ON his
side. "-B0st0n Transcript
COMPARATIVE GUILT.
Father-What do you think of boy
that throws a banana skin on side
walk?
Son-I don't know. What do you
think of a banana skin that throws Il
man on the sidewalk?-LJe.
TAKE IT, BOB.
Judge Gary was hearing a case that
called for jury trial, and after the usual
wrangling that always tries his patience.
the jury was secured and sworn. The
Judge settled back in his chair, thinking
that the case was fairly started, when up
jumped a little German who was sitting
in one end of the jury box. "Shudge."
he exclaimed. "Well, what is it!" asked
the Judge shortly. "Shudge, L t'inlz [ {
like to go home. ''You can't go. Sit
down." 'Shudge, I don't t'ink make
a good sh1rer." you're the best on the
panel. Sit down" "Well, Shudge,'
md the little fellow was getting desper I
ate, 'I doan' speak goot English" " |
You'll not have to speak any at all. . {
'And, Shudge, [ can't make nodings ,
oudt of vot dose fellows Indicating the +
attorneys are talking aboudt.' '"That's I,
no excuse. Neither can any one else. {
Sit down. % CHic0go Tribune.
TAKING A FRESH START. {
"Clara, said the old man from the
lead of the stairs, "hasn't that young
nan gone yet?"
"Your daughter isn't here, sir, fecbly +
the young man. ''She hns d
ust stepped into the kitchen to fill and Il
rim the lamp"
HE SHOT IT.
A young sportsman in Rockland had t
/ tooth pulled the other day, and while a
lnder the influence of gas took an active ]
JdIG III All lndBllary lOA clldSe. AS Ille
Doth yielded to the gentle persuasion of a
he forceps, the young hunter went up
nto the air about three feet with the eX- G
lamation: "He's shot the fox He's shot
he fox!"-BdngOr Commercial.
WILD wHISKEY.
Western Real Estate Agent Cn drug
tore-Oh, yes, we're quite civilized out :.
ere, now.
Eastern Speculator (to drug clerl)- q q
,ou may give me little spiritus fru- y
nenti. "
Drug Clerk-Waal, now, look a-here, q
if you want plain whiskey you a
in kev it, but we don't keep any eddi- e.
ated stuff here.-N. Y. Sun. y y
A FAITHFUL BROTHER. o
Omaha Man-YOu naughty boy. Dick, d
ont you know better than to ask people n
ow much money they have? l hope Ii
Ou will excuse the child, Mr.. Nice b
elbow. c
Mr.. Nicefellow-Of course, of course. W
he little fellow didn't know what he h
'as talking about. 81
Little Dick-Yes l did, too. Sis said S
he wished she knew and | wanted to Ii
ell her. r.-OmH@a World. e'