Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-12-04
WITTY RETORrs



ssus Good Stories Told About Mon 81
the Past
After the treaty. OF Client had been
signed a dinner was given to the Aineri-
can commissioner Henry Clay sat ep-
posite Hon. John Quincy Adams, who,
as i well known. seldom attempted z
Ioke. When Mr. Adams aruse 10 SPEAK
be said: We have at last nnIshed TINS
business which calls US 10 this consen-
ton. and am glad OF IL Not thar our
relations have not been pleasant on.
think il l. high time that ms friend MI
CLAW should depart think II TO the
interest Of himself and family that he
should 20 at once. Becau5e- gentlemen
at the hotel at which We 10th stop there
is a serving maid. young. rosy and fan
to look upon This fair girl was met by
Mr. Clay this morning, just In the nail
outside nv room. and distinctly heard
him offer her five franc piece for
single kiss from her cherry lips. Like
good girl, she scorned his ctfer, tore her
self from his embracing arms and ran
down the hall.
The assault was so unexpected that
Clay blushed To the temples, and was
II the moment at a loss for reply.
As Adams was closing he noticed the
well known weakness of the old man
eloquent, for his eyes were always wa
tering and he constantly kept his hand
kerchief employed in mopping out the
Gears. As the diplomats present all
turned their ewes to Nr. Clay, he
pulled out his handkerchief and wiped
his ewes with significant imitation OF
Mr. Adams gesture. lie then slowly
arose and looked up and down the table,
and finally fixing his wondrous oros
upon Mr. Adams said: nat the gen
tleman opposite me has said Is all true
Ii is true that the girl was very beauti-
full. And il Is true that her lips were
very tempting to me. The story Of
ms failure to pick the cherries is also
true 50 far as 1t goes, but the whole
story has not been told. | did
offer the maiden five francs for kiss,
but as attempted to take il she sprang
from ms embrace and Indignantly e4-
claimed DO you think ! am such a
fool as to give you kiss for five francs
when refused that old gentleman across
the hall. who has offered me twenty
francs with tears in his eyes! The
laugh was decidedly on Adams, who
took the joke seriously to heart and
would not speak to Clay for several days.
At last Clay went to Adams and apollo
gized, saying that he had been dunn
founded by Adams speech, which con-
tanned more truth than poetry.
Tom Corwin, of Ohio, was ready
man. John c. Calhoun once pointed to
a drove Of mules from Ohio and said to
Corwin: There go some of your con-
stituents." Yes" said Tom, they are
going down south to teach school"
Governor BrOugh was once matched
against Corwin, and in the midst of his
speech said: Gentlemen, my honored
opponent himself, while he breaches add
vocacy of home industry, has carriage
at home which he got in England-had
it shipped across the ocean to him. How
is that for supporting home industry
and labor" When Corwin came on the
stand he made a great show Of embar-
rassment, stammered and began slowly:
We'll, gentlemen, you have heard what
my friend Mr.. Trough has to say of my
carriage. plead guilty to the charges,
and have only two things to say in my
defense. The first is that the carriage
came to me from an English ancestor as
an heirloom, and had TO take it, Again,
have not used it for seven years, and
it has been standing in my back yard all
that time, and the chickens have con-
verted it into a roost Now, gentlemen"
with steady look at Brough, II have
nothing further to say in my defense;
but | would like to know how Brough
knows anything about my carriage if he
has not been visiting my chicken roost.
There are many instances of bright
passages at arms both between lawyers
and the bench and bar Not infrequently
Il
their match in testy and obdurate wit
neSses. There's brass enough in your
face to make kettle Of said q lawyer
to crusty old maid whose testimony he
was unable to break down. And sap
enough in your head to fill 1t, was all
he got for his pains. After a protfacted
wrangle between judge and prom.
inent counsel, the former said: well.
sir, II you do not know how to conduct
yourself as a gentleman am sure can't
teach you" To which the lawyer simply
replied, That is SO, my lord"
Judge Underwood, Of Georgia. was a
ready man engaged in trying case.
The judge. after charging decidedly
against the defendant, locked the jury up
for the night and ad journed court After
tea the Judge and Underwood were walk
ing on the piazza of the hotel. and hear
ing the noise Of chairs and the move
ment Of feet in the jury room above
the judge remarked, Il believe the
jury have gone to prayers" Yes"
said Underwood, Il expect SO; failing to
get any light from your honors charge,
they are seeking it from above"
Il am going to visit the heather" an
hn =,
Sunday. After the service the flock all
gathered around, astonished at the turn
affairs had taken, and querying when he
would depart. and to what part of the
benighted world he would go, "Oh, don't
be disturbed, brethren and sisters; I'm
not a-going to leave town"
Charles Sumner was once, at dinner
given in his honor at London, equal to
the emergency. In the table talk he
spoke Of the ashes of some dead hero.
Ashes What American English
rudcly broke in an Englishman. Dust
you mean, Mr.. Sumner. We don't burn
our dead in this country"
Yet. instantly retorted Mr.. Sumner,
with "A courteous smile, your poet Gray
tells us that Even in our ashes live their
wonted fire Mr.. sumner escaped fur
Their criticism that evening.
Footc. the comedian. in the last CEN
fury enjoyed fine reputation for his
ever ready replies. A gentleman praised
the charm. of very plain woman.
why don't you lay claim to such an
accomplished beauty" whispered Foote.
What right have to herr" Every
right, by the law Of nations. az the first
discoverer. st. Louis Globe Democrat.
tverse 10 Verse.
Miss Sentimental-There is no poetry
in this age-the prosaic Nineteenth cen
tury.
Editor-Heavens! Just look at my waste
paper basket. Town Topics.
Domestic Tragedy.
"a little thing may completely upset
a man observed Smith when he STUN
bel Over the baby. Binghamton Re
Tarning.l
The modes of death approach are vari4us,