Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1888-04-09

| To day, ah how soft is his hand,
| That enemv, Death, of mine,
Leading forth the mystic land,
| A land cannot divine;
| No longer an enemy now,
| This friend whom gladly
| For the harp has sunk to a sigh;
| Sweet bells no longer shall play;
| The green wreath has withered to dry,
! And night eclipses the day
| And my enemv, once grim,
| I'm content to fo low him.
The Old Clock.
'Oh! the old. old clock, of the household stock
Was the brightest thing and neatest;
| Its hands, though old, had a touch of gold,
| And its chime rang still the sweetest;
| Twas monitor, too, though its words were few,
| Yet they live, though nations altered;
And its voice, still strong, warned old and young
| When the voice of friendship fatered:
| Tick! tickn it said-'qnick, quick to bed,
| For ten years I've given warning;
! Up! up! and go, or lse you know
You'll never rise IN the morning?
| A friendly voice that old, old clock,
AS it stood in the corner smiling,
And blessed the time with a merry chime,
The wintry hours beguiling;
But cross old voice that tresome clock,
As it called at aybreak boldly,
When the dawn looked gray DER the misty way,
And the early air blew coldly;
Tick! tick = it said-'quick out of bed,
For five I've given warning;
You'll never have health, you'll never have wealth,
Unless you're up soon in the morning.
Still hourly the sound goes round and round,
With tone that never;
While tears shed for bright days fed,
And the old friends lost foreveri
Its heart beats on-though hearts gone,
Its hands still move-though hands we love
Are clasped on earth no longeri
Tick! tick!' it said-to the churchyard bed.
The grave hath given warning;
Up! up! and rise and look at the skies,
And prepare for a heavenly morning!'"
The keeper of deaf and dumb asylum
understands the mute-ability of man.
A lady advertises that she has ga fine,
airy, well-furnished bedroom for man
twelve feet square"
Stranger (to boy in lawyers office)-
''Im looking for legal blank, sonny"
Lawyers boy-"Sorry, sir, but he's just
stepped out"
Passenger Con street-car, alarmed)-
Madam, do you feel a lit coming on?
Madam (haughtily)-No, sir; 1 am trying
to find my pocket
A ghost invaded a drummer'S room in
Ohio, but as soon as the drummer began
to talk the ghost disappeared. The ghost
evidently knew a thing or two.
Wife-What do you think about this
little Jasef Hoffman, affair, John? Hus-
band-I think the public has been over
worked and ought to have rest.
Farmer guess that hog is too old to
eat. What shall we do with him? Hired
Man-Too old to eat! Not much he amt.
He eats more'n more every day.
What is your business?' 'sI feed the
lions in the menagerie." ''Must be dreary
work" ''On the contrary, it's very fun
ny. They keep the table in roar
Il hear you are about to be marred?'
Eyes, to Mrs. Grisby, who recently OBJ
tanned a divorce. Do you know her?"
s'Slightly. She was a wife of mine once" ="
81 often wonder what my ancestor
Adam said when he first met Eve" ''Was
he an ancestor of yours?' ''Certainly.'r :
'sThen 1 guess he asked her to loan him
So
"Mercy, Bridget What's the matter
with those cakes?" II dun know, num-. }"
''They taste of soap" ''Yis, mum. l
couldn't find the soapstone griddle, an so
1 soaped the iron one"
DIR. Hammond of New York says there
is no physiological reason why man should
die. There are plenty of reasons, how
ever, and perhaps the doctor is one of
them.
A Boston paper, at the close of long
article, asks this question: care the
young ladies of to-day fitted for wives?'
A much more important inquiry is wheth-
er they are fitted for husbands.
81 know victim to tobacco" said
lecturer, ''who hasn't tasted food for over
80 years" Chow do you know he hasn't?"
asked an auditor. Because the tobacco
killed him in $780, was the reply.
Il swear Dy GuOSe Gdll elllS III yO0Qof
park" he commenced, but she inter
rupted him. "Swear not by them," she
said imploringly. ''Why not?" because
those trees are slippery elms," she said.
"What can you tell me about Esau?"
''Esau," responded the youth, with the
glib alacrity of one who feels himself, for
once, on safe ground, ''Esau was a writer
of fables, who sold his copyright for
bottle of potash"
s'Will you love me when I'm old?" sang
the ancient soubrette. ''How old?'' came
in shrill voice from the gallery The
singer did not reply, but the audience
smiled when the curtain dropped showing
century plant in full bloom.
'tAnd so you think you will get married
when you grow up to be young lady,
Flossie?" said the caller. "Oh, l haven't
doubt of it, "assented Flossie. Every
body says I am very much like mamma,
and she, you know, has been married
three times"
CON=UMPTIUN CURED.
An old physician, retired from practice having
had placed in his hands by Fast India missionary
the formula of simple vegetable remedy for the
speedy and permanent cure of consumption, bron-
chitis, catarrh asthma and ali throat and lung af
ections also positive and radical cure for
complaints, after having tested its wonderful cura-
tive powers in thousands of cases has felt it his
duty TO make it known to his suffering fe lows.
Actuated by this motive and desire relieve
human suffering will send fr.e of charge. to all
who desire it, this recipe, in German French or
English with full directions for preparing and