Morning journal and courier., 1888-02-09
SAWED OFF.

Franklin Mills Ordering the cigars at 8 popular cafe(-What's your brand, Jack!
 Jack Steares (from Texas, between gulps) Gross an arrer in diamond on right haunch an left horn-tip sawed of.-Puck. Her cousin-I must say, Emma, that you have grown quite handsome. There, now, can't you give me compliment in return? His cousin-Wsll should say that you are gentleman of most excellent taste.- Harper's Bazaar.
 The Democratic as well as the Republican national convention should assuredly meet in New York This will give the country delegates chance to nominate their candl- dates and get their ''green goods" all at the same time.-Life. Miss Clara (to Featherly, who is making an evening calT-Poor little Bobby swallowed 8 penny to-day, and we've all been so much worried about it. Featherly (who is some what at loss for words of fencouragement)- Oh, I-er-wouldn't worry, Miss Clara, penny is not mueh.-Harper's Bazar.
 "Mamma," inquired little Waldo Bunker of Boston, who is spending the winter in Florida, 'fwhat is that body of waterF' "The Atlantic ocean, my dear" 'sThe Atlantic oceanF exclaimed little Waldo in amazement, "why thought the ! Atlantic ocean was near Bostoni'-New York Sun.
 A Minnesotaliudge, in pronouncing the death sentence, tenderly observed: ''If guilty, you richly deserve the fate that awaits you is in | nocent, it will be qualification for you to ! feel that you were hanged without such a crime on your conscience, in either case you will be delivered from @ world of care."- | Texas Siftings.
 | Photographer (to sitter)-"I saw you at | church last Sunday, Miss Smith," Sitter l 'Oh, did yous'' Photsgrapher-"Yes, and
 also your friend, Miss Brown-if you could | raise your chin trihe, thanks-and what an atrocious-looking hat she had on. (After a pause)-There, Miss Smith, it is over, and I think we have caught very pleasant expres- l sion. ."-Sun.
 ! Stranger (to office boy)-Did you tell the editor there's man down stairs what wants I to knock him down an drag him out Off, \ fee boy-Yes, sir; an he says will you kind | ly step up at once, as he wants to go to din- | ner. Stranger (somewhat milder)-Well-er I-I don't want to take no advantage of 8 man with an empty stomach. Tell him I'll l come in again.-The Epoch.
 He Could Not Account for It.-Mrs. Du- | senberry-What nonsense these newspapers study out Now here's statement that wid- f ows are more likely to die than widowers. | Mr. Dusenberry-That's all bosh, my dear; \ the fact is that man generally dies before | his widow Mrs. Dusenberry-Is that really | the case How do you account for it Mir. Dusenberry-I Ican't.-Philadelphia Call.
 ssNo, my girl" said old Aunt Sally, 'sit | isn't pleasant thing for woman to live without husband in this world. If it hadn't been for my parents I'd 8 married a good ! man. But listened to them and I've heen
 chewing the bitter end of disappointment all ! these years"
 els it possiblea" calculated the fair young boarding school girl. "Why don't you ! switch off on gum."-Judge.
 At the club: MT. De Dood-"Cholley, I've | got scheme" Cholley-"No, Harry? What | is ita" Dc Dood-spm going to organize I myself into joint stock company with 100
 shares at $1 ,090 share. Then I'm going to float the stock on the leap year market, and
 within 30 days I'll have a cool $100, 900 to my credit in bank and can go to Canada till l the breach of promise storm blows over. .See?' I Cholley-tOh, ah, I've dsne that already, don't you know, and am going to leave on
 the evening train, bah love.