Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1888-04-28
Written for The EVENING STAR.
SOCIAL COURTESIES.
The Art of Greeting Friends and Ac-
Quaintances.

quaintances.
GOOD MANNERS A NECESSARY ADJUNCT TO GOOD
BREEDIsG-THE ART AND PHILOSOPHY OF sALUTA-
TIoSs-AAERIcAs AND EUROPEAN CUSTOMS
Copyrighted, 1881
Recognition should be quick, and salutatlon
gracious. To be complimentary, salutation should
be even more than this; ft should be fiatter1ng,
courteous, digniiied and suited to the position Of
the person addressed. To an old person It should
be truly respectful for there Is no such crown as
crown OF gray hairs. To a young person 1t
should be reassurtag; to a person who is under
the pressure OF calamity it should be as especially
Kind as cordial, as we can make IL. But 1t should
always be dignifed. We must not give too much.
Remember Bulwer's line: 'He bows too low
Do not be servile in your salutation. one may say
That the above advice is too redundant; no one
could convey whole paragraph by a bow, but
fascinating, kind, gracious-manneredp people do all
this and more. The quick recognition is more d,f-
ncult. How many OF us, alas! forget faces! More
OF US are confused as to when we saw that face
last There Is to the jewellers in cities a trying
confusion as to degrees OF acquaintance II the
memory for people and faces is not extraordi.
a ,, InereIore, people who are near-sighted or
at recognition They are always III doubt. such
people have an undeserved unpopuiarity. People
believe them 10 be cold and naughty. when they
are simply confused. But IL person has q truly
cordial disposition, nothing can prevent their
showing It finally: Manner is but the mask OF
character after ALL The true nature Will come out.
cULTIvATING MANNER.
But we cannot all stop in this busy world to show
on our true natures. Emerson says: "The men
we see are whipped through the world. They are
harried, wrinkied, anxious. They all seem to be
the hacks OF invisible riders" Women are in a
great hurry also our American atmosphere
drives Us on with scorpion whips The oxygen
win not let us stop. How shall We greet each
passing stream OF people, like the pictures Gustav
DOre draws Of the victims In the Inferno? We
must cultivate manner, study recognition and
salutation which shall convey kindly meaning
at least. We must not leave the thing TO the in.
SEPARATION OF the moment; it might fail u.s.
Perhaps we may meet an old acquaintance who
has been for years in the East His face is almost
forgotten, but IL still recalls something. He it
chances, mas not forgotten US; he looks eagerly
for bow and a smile. Life has been, perhaps
lonely and sad TO him; to US II has been repiete
with emotion and crowded with events. Shall we
recognition, quick and graceful an answering in
terrogative glance. reinsurance to that wtStrul
face. We can remember who he is afterward. IL
is astonishing how soon memory brings the for
gotten name after we have ceased to need it. It is
like that belated fmprOmptu, which the French
call .espra de tescalier--the wit OF the staircase
The good Things which we remember that we
might have said but did n0t-as we go upstairs to
bed after the party is over Let least the passer
By read In your face your desire to be courteous.
IL you cannot remember him, at least give him
pleasant bow II he bows to you. Such salutatIons
hurt nobody, not even lady, who, If alone, must
be cfrcumspect. In the polite bow OF a lady, full
Of gravity and good will, masked with dignity and
respect the man OF Irregular life finds profound
check to insult as In the naughty disdain OF one
who perhaps oyerestmates his admiration.
THERE Is NO ARNoR LIKE A SWEET DIGNITY
IL seems to be one OF the best qualities OF woman
and 1t teaches her intuitively how TO bow how TO
smile, how to receive her friends and how to dis
miss bore. Women whose manners are too
familiar never nave much power. People do not
care for that which they gain easily and yet cor
dtaltty Is very necessary adjunct 10 good man.
ners. woman who can express the true shade
gentleman comes up TO lady at a crowded water
ing place, and claims an acquaintance. il she has
him her dilemma and ask for his name She can
say TO MIN that she has but poor memory for
faces; that she sees many people, and that she
ought TO be so illtempered object to this in
quiry. IL they are so th,n-skinned as TO care the
| acquaintance may as well stop there. To make
| the case our own, let US measure our Sensations
| toward our friends by their remembered salIlta
tons. We have no very kindly feelings toward
Mrs. Claypole, who gives us lofty and brier how
as II she wished TO get rid OF US as soon as posi-
/ bic. Stii less do we admire Mrs smiley, who
betray VS. behind our backs. We recognize In her
excessively foolish cordiality q certain hypocrisy
we are not fond OF Mrs. Weathercoek, who bows TO
| good company, but also does not see us when we
are under the ban OF adversely. But We remember
Mrs. Heartwelfs elegant and formal courtesy with
pleasure, for IL shows that she intends always 10
| be perfectly respectful tous.
ESTIMATING FRIENDS BY THEIR GREETING
OF course from this all through the gamut of afec
tionate or cold greeting, do We range our friends
| There Is the curtOusly acute eye and the long
| resting glance OF Mr.. Oaklands. He IS most in
| teresttns acquaintance, for his bow says, "How
| glad am to see you; how should like to stop and
talk to your And we like to meet General TIGHT
4 Mt, whose military salute breathes the most
| exalted respect The bow OF clergyman, law
yer, an editor, president, a man who is compelled
/ ca Nv bs. tIaA
interested bow. 1t must be a somewhat formal,
studied and conventional bow. For no man can
feel equally Well disposed toward thirty thousand
| people, but the character OF the Individual Will
| stamp even this universal bow. The American
bow is more cordial than the English but it is per-
haps not so thoroughly well bred. The Latin races
differ very much from us In the matter OF salu-
tons. The Italian language Is full Of most lovely
SUCH lovely days" says the italian. The Oriental
| solutions are as splendid as their robes MAY
you live thousand years" The very exaggera-
IL breathes such large consideration. How un-
graceful would 1t be TO limit that request 50 as to
years. IL is courteous TO make a handsome allow
| ance, even OF nine hundred ana ten years.
| INTERPRETING sALUTATIONs.
| Our perception far 0utruns our memory Men,
orr IL II best sulky slave never coming when
hidden. our perception tells US iutuitively when
We receive bow or o salutation the social posi-.
ton OF the saluter, be he bishop or president or
| some one OF lesser consideration. Ne read the
colo DlOOded cy nc, or the nyp0critica time server
! by his bow and smile. A deep sympathy Is ali
! that we require TO teach US that the shy man
would be more responsive II he could, and the
| 0duche man more graceful if nature had allowed
IT. There Is OF course. difference OF impression
ability, but the simple, sincere and truthful man
shines through everything. A child and dog are
never mistaken In him. We should watch and
cherish, not only the right sentiments OF the
heart, but all moral and Intellectual sensibiiities
They are the fountains OF true perceptions. II we
thus criticise the recognition and solicitations OF
our nefgnborS we should grow more genial cor
dial and polite ourselves: we shall remember 70
say TO the sick man, "Well, how are you tO-day?-
| In manner which says 81 think You are better "
We must take care TO bow TO the poor, the shy the
| sensitive IN such manner that they will feel
| better all day. We must not forget the saluta-
tion 70 the passing stranger whom we meet ON a
hiily country road. Let US give him q passing
weary path over whichwe have just toiled Lo-
nengrin met weary pilgrim 70 whom he gave
water, the pilgrim gave him q stan. He planted
| the stan In the earth, and the wood grew and
blossomed into lilies, and then LohenRrin knew
that ne had saluted an angel unaware. 1.-The
wofio ~ always opulent, the oracles are never
Aient, out the receiver must by q happy tempera-
ment Dc brought TO the top OF condition, that
frolic health, that he can easily take and give
these communications"
TRY 10 BIZ GRACIOUS
We are not always In the mood TO salute angels
We DO not always have an angel to salute. Il is
| an imperfect world. full OF impolsteness. but "a
rise superior TO that fmperfectton 10 he always
gracious and polite 10 to meet ones tate more fhsn
half way, TO help 70 conquer IL: it Is 10 40 sreai
deal toward helping some foriorn and shipWrecked
brother.