News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-03-29
VERY ANXIOUS FEARS.

!
too, about the heifer, John. When |
was feeding the stock tonight she acted
very strangely, and refused to eat. I'm
! afraid she is going to die
YES" said John, with an anxious
look upon his face, I'm worried about
that heifer myself"
POOR SHOW FOR THE BOARDERs.
Proprietor Kansas Hotel-Have the
waiter gentleman had their dinner yet
! Head waiter-Yes, sab.
HAS the professor OF cooking saved
out all he wants for his family and
friends?'
''Yes, sab"
'tpid the upstairs ladies and the sta
BILE gentlemen have all they wanted ?''
eyes, sah."
'Is there anything left ?"
"a little, sab"
"Well, call in the boarders.
WANTED TO oBLIGE.
| When Col. Sumpter was in New York,
strolling about and seeing what was to
be seen, he noticed by the side of the
door of large mansion on Fourth avenne,
right under the bell, the words:
"Please ring the bell for janitor."
| After rejecting few minutes, Col.
Sumpter walked up and gave the bell
such pull tnat one might have supposed
he was trying to extricate it by the roots.
In few minutes the angry-faced man
tore the door open.
care you the janitorl" asked Col.
Snmpter.
Eyes; what no you wantl"
II saw that notice, PLEASE ring the
bell for janitor, SO rag the bell for
you, and now [ want to know why can t
you ring the bell yourselff"-Terus SJt-
ihgs.
Little Walter is very active boy, and
takes no account of his steps when play
ing and amusing himself, but call in
the midst of fun to do some trif1ing er
rand for any member of the family pro-
duces an immediate change of pace as
face. One morning his mother, having
twice sent him down stairs with mes
sages to the servants, made a third
demand for his services few moments
later, which so annoyed him that he
angrily exclaimed: 81 wish had doors
on my ears, so couldn't hear you. -
Harper'8 Magazine.
HIS FEET.
A newspaper man in search Of impor-
taut information entered the office of
one of our leading politicians the other
morning and found that gentleman with
both feet upon his desk and chair tilted
back taking it very easy.
"How are yon2" said the scribe.
"When gentleman comes into my
Office he generally takes off his hat, ;"
responded the politician.
"And when a gentleman comes into
my Office take my feet from my desk, ]"
retorted the scribe.
Down came the feet and off came the
hat. the information was given, and the
politician and scribe went out to see a
man. -IHtilese1elE'hstot CtsA-
HEARTFELT GRATITUDE.
Attendant at SIide-I'm very sorry,
sir; but the last toboggan was engaged
for the evening an hour ago.
Papa (who has allowed the girls to
drag him out, and has been watching
the sport for the first time)-My friend,
here are my watch and pocketbook.
Take them with the highest expression
of my esteem, and if you ever need a
friend, call on me.-1Ed Bit.
so OLD.
Aunt Chloe-'Mornin', Uncle Rastus,
WITS de mattah wild yah? You'se look
in pow'ful ole dis mornin'.
Uncle Rastus-Does / look ole, Chloe?
Well, de fac is I don t'ink [ nebbah
was so ole in my life befo'. It'd Bits.
AMoDEsT REQUEST.
Farmers Daughter-I suppose you
want my father to take you in for the
season2
Tramp-No, miss; if you will kindly
sew shirt onto this button, that's all l
ask.
THE LANGUAGE.
Irish Woman Ito Chinaman in street
car)-Shove yersiif feminist the carnor
wild yer blue SHIRT, ond give Teddy
chonce to set down, bad cess to yezl
Chinaman-Wow!
Irish Woman-Can't yez talk English,
yer yaller haythen?
Chinaman-If I couldn't talkee Eng
lish muchee bettle old Ihsh woman, yep,
I shootee my gland nothle!-N. Y. Sun.
ANEW WESTON FOR BOSTON.
Boston Mother (shocked)-I am sur
prised, Waldo, that you should make
use of such an expression as "Let her
go, Gallagher"
Waldo--What ought say, mamma,
permit her to depart, Mr.. Gallagher
APPROPRIATE.
"Was the deceased a man of family"
inquired the tombstone agent, as he
made o memorandum of the design Sc
lected and wrote the inscription in his
order book.
"He had been married three times"
was the reply.
"The motto AT rest would just fit
this blank space below the inscription"
suggested the agent, differentially.-
CAicagO Tribune
A TROPICAL CLIMATE.
Perspiring Stranger Ito policeman
I say, officer, can you direct me to
clothing store?
Policeman-There is one just around
the corner.
Perspiring Stranger-Thanks. I'm
Just in from Dakota and want to got q
linen duster.