Bismarck weekly tribune., 1888-10-05
THE SOUTHERN COLONEL.

THE SOUTHERN COLONEL.
His Novel Method Of Measuring Gentility.
Etiquette and Local Hospitality.
Especial Correspondence
NEW YORK. Sept 4.-Several weeks ago
inclination and a bed-and-bu car on the
coast line railway took Gotham journalist
to one of the most attractive of the not very
numerous Atlantic seaboard cities which
erect their temple spires and minarets be-
tween Hampton Roads and the insalubrious
Florida Keys, He had been corresponding
for long while with well known newspa-
per proprietor in that section of our diversi-
fed country, but had never met his talented,
genial, esteemed and prosperous southern
contemporary face to face. So he called
upon him, without ceremony, and found the
latch string hanging out.
When this visit was made, COL Rodgers
(Which, by the by isn't his name) was pro-
fuse in hand shaking and kindly words of
welcome. The New York man could plainly
see, however, that he had dropped in upon
the right friend at the wrong moment. 1t
was, i'll fact the colonel's busy day, which,
as regular thing, comes to him about six
times every week. Yet there was much to
be talked of and over; notes to be compared,
affairs of common interest to be discussed,
and commodious, finely appointed publish
ing house to be inspected by the New Yorker.
He tried hard to beg off, but the hospitab1e
colonel said:
''You came almost a thousand miles to see
me, major, and found me up to my ears in
business. It's always this way down here.
However, I'll find time enough to treat you
as a gentleman should be treated. There is
a committee waiting on me, inside pointing
to his private office, a couple of dozen let
ters to write or dictate. and big advertis-
ing contract to be revised; but can give
you half an hour, anyhowi Come up stairs.
I'll show you our plant, and we can chat as
we go along"
So nimbly mounting steam elevator they
went to the roof of lofty building, and for
five minutes gazed, north, east, south and
west, at the really picturesque municipal
length, breadth and boundaries; at the
suburban landscapes and the tortuous sun
rejecting river sweep, with the cleaning,
billowy ocean beyond. Then, floor by floor,
they descended until the outer portal was
again reached and a hearty mutual parting
grasp INDUCED in.
It was while they were slowly coming
down stairs that a boy employed in the Office
stepped close to the colonels elbow and
quietly said:
"They are waiting for you, sir, to make
quorum"
"Yes, yes" replied the urbane and method
ical colonel, "I'll be with 'em directly. Tell
'em to wait for me-ten minutes"
Another department was shown to the
New Yorker, and again came a messenger.
This time it was demure, Shiny, Uriah
Heep style Of desk clerk, who spoke with
bated breath and cringing humbleness. His
superior looked at him exactly as he would
at cylinder roll Of ordinary blank paper.
"rn be therein fifteen minutes, Mr..
Crookspine. They must be patient"
He dismissed the cat treading clerk with
an authoritative wave sf his hand and turned
into another room. The New Yorker, fol-
lowing him, felt somewhat complimented,
but wisely kept his own thoughts unclothed
Of words. Finally, the entire upper part Of
the publishing house had been explored. A
visit was then made to the cellar, where a
rapid, web perfecting power press and other
improved mechanical devices came in for q
share of admiration. As they were on the
stairs leading from the basement to the first
floor, one of the committee men rushed to the
top step and tartly exclaimed: r..
"Colonel, we've been waiting twice the
time you sent word to us. What in the
world keeps you 80 long?"
"Hello, general, is that you? Howdyl"
said the nonchalant colonel. every sorry,
my dear sir, but I can't be in two places at
vy1,1 !, L. 4 l.
pleasure! Gentlemen, YOU must become &C.
quainted. Major, this is one of our solid
men, Gen. Job Wilson. He owns the larg-
est and best rice plantation on our river,
and in fifty counties round is noted for his
easy, graceful and courtly manners. There,
you needn't blush, general, for you know as
well as do that you are never in too much
Of hurry to forget your native politeness.
Shake hands with my newspaper friend,
Maj. b., of New York, general. He's
a royal good fellow and has right smart
reputation up north About twice in q quar-
ter of century he comes to see me Then
devote myself to him. Well, / won't detain
you, general, from the committee. Tell em
I'm with 'em in short order. Say twenty
minutes, general!"
The general had nervously-rather spas
cally-touched the majors finger tips,
and then fed to report progress After a
momentary chuckle, which shook his good
natured anatomy, the colonel remarked. with
quaint, peculiar impressment, and in dry,
crisp tone:
'You see how it is, major They must
wait or have no meeting, for I'm chairman
Of that committee and have all it's business
in my head and coat pocket. Now, it would
never do for me to be remiss in entertaining
real, live, flesh and blood New York editor,
who honors me- with his first visit after
twelve years of mail and wire intimacy.
Why, can SEQ those other fellows ard talk
em deaf, dumb and cross eyed every hour
any day, but let me tell you, major, that
southern gentility, etiquette and hospitality
are sacred obligations which must be main
tanned if all the committees north of old Ty-
bee die of neglect. Oh, yes; the boys will
wait. The general will make em wait. He
is never in hurry after he's had one of my
sledge hammer hints.
Being duly convinced of the practical util-
ity Of the colonels system for graduating