The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1888-06-02
PUNeENr POINTS.

and trusted man and trusted and
tried man.-Life.
Mrs. A.: Yes. l advertised for Q
nurse-girl What are your termsw
Nurse: II shall want 81 n week with
laudanum, 81 without "-Haruard
Lampoon.
Lady patron: "Ah, Mr.. Bltfstick.
how do you find the oysters?" MIR.
Blifstick. with his spoon in the plate:
''Um-er-er. haven't been able to find
them a. all yet, madam
Young housekeeper: Have you any
canvas back ducks?" Butcher: mo.
but 1 have some nice geese" Young
housekeeper: VERY well. you may
send nice canvas-back goose. Life.
Mayor Hewitt went into Park row
restaurant the other day and ordered
an Irish stew. .One anti Hewitt"
screamed the waiter. who failed to rec
ognize his customer -New Yonk
World.
A bride sneezed twice at the church
ceremony the other day, and the old
nurse said it was good luck. Other
people said it was because her dress
was cut too tropically for the tempera-
ture of the edifice. Gazette.
Judge: "You say you want di-
vorce from your wifep' "Yes. if your
honor pleases.' ':But reflect for mo-
ment that you have lived together
nearly half century," swell, haven't
I suffered long enoughp"-Tsras Sy1-
ings.
Col Shakspere is running for mayor
of New Orleans, but even if he were
elected Ignatius Donnelly would prob
ably claim to show By a cipher in the
tally-sheets that the votes were meant
for some other man.-Philaxlelphia
Press.
Guest Ito Florida landlord. who has
presented billy: ':Does this include the
goodwill and fixturesp" Florida land
lord: Goodwill and fixturesp" Guest:
Eyes; dom want the hotel unless the
goodwill and fixtures 60 with it,
NeU York Sun.
Brown: 'You are looking bright
and happy this morning, Dumley."
Dumley: "Yes; l am out of debt at
last. Every bill owed was outlawed
yesterday. l tell you, Brown. a man
feels like man when he is square with
the world. "-Nes0 York San.
"You should have seen Jimmy get
up and dust last night when pa got
after him." remarked Quincy girl.
Ibid he runP" asked her friend. 'Runp
Well, I should smoker. If he could
keep up the same gait for three hours
he would beat Charley Mitchell in a
prize-fight. Peoria Transcript.
High church rector lin New York;;
II have concluded to abandon the con-
fessional." Vestryman: Think it
savors too much of Romeo" "No, that
isn't it; but no one ever comes to con-
TESS except women and I can't waste
three hours every day listening to
smuggling stories. "-Omaha World
The man who stands by the side of
trout brook, his debts all paid, his bus
ness reasonably prosperous. his wife
and family in good health, and deep
pool in sight in which dozen speckled
gamesters were ready for tussle, has
in sight nine-tenths of all the happi-
ness which anyone gets this side of
heaven. "-New York Tribune.
1t turns out that the horse was not |
running away and that the president
did not save the charming young fe- |
male correspondents life, after all. A
large brunette fly had fastened itself Sc
curely to the abdomen of the young
lady's steed, and said stecd had stop
ped stock still and endeavorod to re-
move the aforesaid fly from the above |
abdomen with nigh hind |
foot. The president simply dismount-
ed, smashed the fly with chip, and
the procession moved on. Indianapolis
Tribune.