davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17
ON A DAKOTA TRAIN.
How Big Man Secured y Comfortah
Seat In q Crowded Car.


Seat I'm Crowded Car.
A big railroad grader who loomed up
like the late Goliath came in and sat
down in turned seat opposite n
very little man. The large gentleman
was comfortably drunk-the little man
rather looked as IL he might be prohi-
bitionist. The big man snorted a few
times. wiped his feet on the small mans
cushion. and then remarked:
"Sayi jes' despisc little. dried
up, insignifercant manr'
''Er- -ah-is that sop said the little
man, with a weak. nerveless smile.
Commonly l eat 'em!'' continued
the large party in a loud voice. The
little mans smile grew more feeble and
CHASTITY.
nj chaw 'em up and leave 'emr' con-
tinued the grader fiercely. as he glared
around without appearing TO notice the
small man with the dying smile. Il
wouldn't hit little. sneakin' wad of n
man that weighed less than hundred
and fifty. cause there wouldn't be
enough of him left for funeral; but
I've bit more'n a million of emf
The little man weighed less than a
hundred and thirty, and appeared to be
growing rapidly smaller.
IVY. blank their little hidesr" went
on the big. big man. .'there orter be a
law ag'in 'eml They got to pass II
mighty quick. though. or I'll have 'em
all killed ofII'
The little man was looking at the
window out of the corners of his eyes
and contemplating leap.
Somebody tie my hands N feet an
show me one o these small ment'
yelled the grader as he warmed up.
''Lemme lean over an fall on him an
sqush himl Somebody hold me an lead
up n small man an lemme look at him
an par lie hint Ya-a-a-Ahi Lem
me breathe on one of 'em an scorch
himr'
The little man had his feet braced
and gripped his umbrella with the Ell
ergy of last hope. as he resolved to
sell his life as dearly as possible
"War-r-r thari Git outer my way
Gimme one o these yere dwarfs or I'll
bust yer cari'' yelled the big man. as
he rose up and begin striking out wildly
mt the air. ..Show me little man.
cause I'm hungry! Bring me one for
nay support Hi-i thar! Dash me here s
enc now-see ma chaw him. And he
made a lunge at the little man, who in
some unaceountahle way shot up over
the back of his seat and rushed along
the aisle and out the door onto the rear
platform. where he rode TO the mex
station, while the big man subsidized and
spread his feet all over the opposite
seat. pulled his hat down over his eyes
and only grunted aud kicked aimlessly
ut the arm of the seat when the con.
tluctor came along and demanded s
tickct.-F. II. Carrxth, fn Chicago Trfb
uHe
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17
The Only Ac1snt.

Did any of your family get cut TO
pieces with mowing-maehine this
yeara" he asked Of farmer on the
market yesterday.
mo. sir.
'.Any legs taken eff by the reaper?'
mot a leg.
ANY one fall off haystack and run
a pitchfork into him?"
..No. sir.
ANY one get wound up in the
tumbling-rod of the thrashing-ma-
chine?"
mo. sir.
ANY one killed by the explosion of
portable boiler?"
No"
None of .he women burned to de ath
by kerosene?"
No"
.'WelL. you ought to be thankful.
''Yes. / suppose so. The only acei-
dent we had in our neighborhood oc-
Cured to chap who came out from
the city to stay day or two with me.
He fell asleep in the orchard and q
calf chewed all the hair off his headr'
Detroit Free Press.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17
RArHER ExPeNsIve.
Fair Young Decorators Husband Deals
In Facts and Figures.

ERtf Young Decorators Husband Deals
In Facts and Figures.
"What do you think of itP''
A young housekeeper was exhibiting
to an Investigator handsomely deco
rated plate which leaned against neat
easel on the mantel of her pretty draw
ing-room.
Beautiful"
''Guess where 1t came fromP"
"France, perhaps" !"
mo. bought the plate down town
and decorated 1t myself :"
IAN excellent ideal You can now
have rs handsome dinner set as there
is in New York at mere trifiing cost. !"
THAT shows what you know about
it." interposed the husband of the fair
artist, with just trace of sadness in
his tones.
ii don't see why you say 50, john"
retorted the latter.
Lets figure tho cost probably
have kept closer watch upon that de-
partment of the business than you have
done"
''Well. begin"
''In the first place. the plato itself
cost you S3?'
81 know" returned the artist, with
an air Of triumph; ''but you can't cut
decorated plate like that for less than
S."
That may be so,' continued the
husband cruelty.
Next you bought about an ounce of
liquid gold, which cost 1915. You
used about half that amount
mot all on that plate, John. You
know 1 spoiled about as much as /
used"
Il know you did. nv dear. and you
ruined about IS worth Of carpet with
the stuff; but didn't intend to reckon
that in this table. Then you bought a
book of Instruction which cost 81. 50
more. Aud you took six lessons on the
design you painted. at 81 lesson. u
you paint any more plates. you will
have TO take more lessons. Isn't that
so?'
Yes, but l will only need one OF :wo
on each plate from this time on"
Il haven't mentioned the paints and
brushes you bought They cost SIC
more. but will probably answer for
some time to come in your future work.
I've not finished yet. 1t cost s1 10 have
the plate fred. Now, let's see whai
the cost Ia.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17
THAT is lust shameful. John.

Ahstt y Just 1OuU- Ou
know my next work won't cost me
nearly so much"
''We'll see about that" continued
her husband. Your plate will cost
s.; gold (barring accidents) say 81.
lessons %. paint, say 81. and firing 81.
That makes $S. Pretty high price to
pay for S5 plate, eh? This doesn't
include the expense of headache.
backache and loss of temper which a
painting always produces in you.
Neither does it take in the amount of
vexatiou your illness always causes me.
No. my friend, added the husband. in
conclusion. "a he turned to the investi-
gator. ''I find it cheaper to buy my
china am afraid a whole dinner set
would leave me nothing to buy food to
dine n."-N " Mail and Express
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17
CLIMBING A MOUNTAIN.
DIseomforts Experienced by Tourists Bouu
for Popocatepstl's Summit

Dlscomforts Experienced by Tourists Bound
for Popocatepstfs Summit
The effects of the rarity of the atmos-
phere were felt as soon as the start was
made. aud 1t was impossible to proceed
more than a few yards without stopping
to take breath. The ascent was made
in zig g-zags. and naturally rest was
taken at the end of each direct line
At the start. to climb for eight minutes
and rest five was considered making
very good time. 1t was not long be-
fore n rest of eight minutes was re-
quired for every four OF climbing. and
after half the ascent was made we
rested more frequently and without
exerting ourselves to sit down. We
thrust our slaves into the snow aud
leaned our heads upon them. Drowsi-
ness overlook us. and progress became
mechanical. We moved only as xpurred
ON by our ever-watchful guides. III
left to ourselves we would have fallen
asleep Our hearts beat with fearful
rapidity and the breath became shorter
and shorter. Ringing sensations in the
head like those produced by large
doses of quinine were experienced.
The most acutc pains shot through the
skull Conversation was suspended.
except among the guides. and their
voices fell on our ears as if coming
from a great distance. 1t was impos-
sible to tell what progress was being
made, for the top and bottom seemed
equidistant all the way up. We barely
escaped the most severe experience
likely to occur to those who reach that
high elevations: bleeding at the nose,
mouth and ears. 1t would have been the
signal that we had gone too far. that
heart and lungs refused to submit
further. and we should have placed
ourselves in the hands of our guides to
be carried back to Tlamacas.
Our physical endurance was stretched
almost to its limit by the time the head
guide shouted. Here we are! Smell the
sulphur The Whit of sulphurous
smoke which greeted our nostrils. tell
ing that our task was nearly completed
and rest was at hand. acted like power.
tul stimulant. We awoke for inal
effort, pressed on. and rested not until
we stood breathless upon the summit
of PopocatepetL-Arthur HoOard Noll,
in american Magazine.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17

THE California State Board of Trade
has issued circular concerning the
condition of the laboring classes in
California, which will be sent East for
distribution. The circular recites that
work is assured all, and that higher
wages are paid than for the same char
acter of work east of the Rockies. The
circular also states that the prosperity
of the people is attested by the fact
that while California has but one-fif-
tieth of the population of the United
States, the people have one-twentieth
OF the total savings deposited.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17

NEW YORK has made clear profit
out of her salt reservation of nearly
100000 since 1916, when toll was
placed at / cent per bushel, and the
fields have yielded since they were
opened in 1897 over 33I, ,0O0, 900 bush
els. There is rock-salt layer fifty
feet thick and covering 1900 square
miles. Last year the fields were oper-
ated at a loss of $4,000.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17

The wheat crop of the United States
for 1887 was 45O, ,OO0, 900 bushels. The
home requirements for food, seed and
manufactures was 345, 100000 The
exports from July LIST to December 1st
were 65, 300, 900 bushels, of which the
Pacific Coast supplied 9,950,O00 bush
els. The whole crop of California,
Oregon and Washington in 1886 was
81, ,S5S 900 bushels. The figures for
1887 have not yet been completed.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17
A Trifle Sarcastic.

Wife to Hssband-I can't compre-
hend how / ever came to marry such
a donkey as you.
Husband-Don't get excited. my
dear.
The only explanation for it is that
l wss fool. wre ched. ignominious
fool"
Now look here. my dear. you may
abuse me as much rs you please. but
1 shall not allow you to call my wife a
fool. You must speak respectfully
when you mention her name. even if
she does not deserve 1t. w. Sch0ik.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17

THE Secretary of the Interior has
sent to the Senate statement in re-
gard to the amount of land each Of
the States has received from the United
States for school purposes. California
has received 5,61O,702 acres; Nevada,
$780,, 1852 acres; Oregon, 1887 ,520
acres. II other States received an
equal amount with the newer States
in the West, it would take 6,474, ,68S
acres.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17

A correspondent writing from Dry
Lake, Modoc County, Cal, to an ex-
change, thus describes some of the
wonders of that section of country ::
short time since as two vaqueros
were hunting east of this place, about
five miles, they observed steam issu-
ing from a crevice in the lava, which
they explored for some distance, but
it was so dark they could not see to
walk. So, on the following day, after
supplying themselves with candles,
they penetrated the lower regions for
about two miles or more, at a descent
of about four inches to the rod. The
roof seems to be of solid lava. The
floor is yellow sand; and about one
mile from the entrance there is large
room, ten or twelve feet high and sixty
feet across. The temperature is about
ninety degrees, and increases at every
step. As the candle grew short the
explorers were compelled to return.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17

INSURANCE companies lost 81 ,500,-
GOO by fires in Montreal last year,
which is twice or three times as much
as they received for premiums. One
company is already closing up busi-
ness in the province, and it is not
unlikely that one or two more will
follow their example.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17
TOLD BY THE TASTE.
How Tobacco Experts Make Their Choic,
of Dlnerent Brands.

How Tobacco Experts Make Their Choice
of Dlnerent Brands
an smoke that and then tell you
how I like it."
''Well. I'll not put the brand on the
market on the strength sof that test,
returned one of the largest importers
of cigars in the city to a friend whom
he had asked to give his opinion of
new brand of cigars he thought of in
Producing to the public.
''All right just give me a box of
them and I'll be able to make better
test of their WORTH
THAT would be no better than the
first plan you suggested"
perhaps, then." replied the friend,
slightly offended. "you don't consider
me a capable Judge of tobacco"
Nothing of the sort You certain
IL have had enough experience to tell a
good cigar when you smoke 1t, but
while that test may be sufficient for
you to Judge whether the cigar suits
your individual taste or not, it is not
thorough enough for my purposes"
"How should cigar be Judged.
then, ii not Dy smoking llF
"There are several ways. First by
its appearance You can tell by look
ing at it whether it is well made or not.
Then it's color has much to do with it's
value. But the way to test its flavor
is by tasting and smelling it."
'How can you taste a cigar without
smoking itP You wouldn't chew it.
would youP''
by no means. To taste a Cigar you
take the large end in your mouth and
press your tongue against the ends of
the leaves Then draw your breath
through il three or four times That
way you get the entire flavor. / have
bought tobacco for thirty years and I
use my Judgment almost solely in my
purchases. During that time l have
never smoked a single cigar, cigarette
or pipe, and l never chewed in all my
life. Smoking vitiates the delicate
taste of Judge of tobacco. Yes, in
deed. there are many things in our
business that the public doesn't know,
and that is one of them. IN y Mad
aud ErDresa
1--WE are not sent to feed the people
with the products of our own wisdom.
much less with our difficulties, doubts
and uncertainties-these will not build
them up in spiritual life and holiness
but with the meaning of His wisdom
and words, who is Himself the bread OF
life.-W r. Batern.
When we have received the gospel
we should have an Immediate wish to
give it to some ono else. Itis too good
to keep all to ourselves. The Lord
gives 1t to us, and gives US hearts tc
profit by it; let us be like him and give il
to any whom we may reach by our word
OF influence. - United PresbVteriGsa
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17

REPORTS say that there are over
100000 persons out of employment in
the city of New York, many of whom
are menaced by starvation. The EN-.
ployment agencies are full of people
looking for work, and a general de
preston in al trades seems prevalent.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17

In the twenty three years from 1859
TO 1882, the quantity of wool produced
in this country increased nearly five
fold, from 100000 to 100000, 600
pounds. In 1860 the production was
less than two pounds for each inhabi-
tant; in 1882 it was 5.4 pounds for
each inhabitant
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17

Now that DR.. William Perry and
MIR. w. z. Sever are dead, DR.. William
Goddard, of Charlestown, Mass. is the
oldest living graduate of Harvard Col
lege. He was born in 1896, graduated
in 1915, and is the only living member
of his class.
Benjamin F. Butler considers him
self a comparatively young man. AL
though sixty-nine years of age he is as
strong physically and mentally as he
ever was, and has no intention of retir-
Ing from the active practice Of his pro-
fession. He wishes to die in the har-
ness.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17

HELENA is to have the largest re
duction works in the Northwest. The
capacity of the new works will be 500
tons day, and will cost $500,O0O.
Mr.. Willard and Governor Houser are
the instigators of the enterprise.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17
coLoREo PHILOSOPHY.

You may notch II on de palms
You may mark IL on de wall.
Dat the higher mp toad frog jumps.
De harder will he fall
And de crow dat ny de swiftos'
Am de soones' In do corn,
And de fly dat am de meanest
GIFTS up earliest In de morn.
De brook dat am de shallo'es'
Chatters most upon do way,
And de folks dat am de sIllies'
Are de ones hab mos ter say.
And de rooster dnt am youngcs'
Am de one dot crow de mos,
And de man who am de coward
Always make de blgges' boas'.
And he am not de creates man
Who totes de bigges' muscle;
Nor am she dc fines gal
Who wars de bigges' hustle.
You kin not iedge de kim OBJ man
By the manner oh his walkin',
An dey ar not de smartes' folks,
Who do dc loudes' talkin'.
- Ydnkee BlddS
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17

A NEW gun has recently been in
vented in Switzerland. 1t has four
rifles to every foot thereby insuring
greater accuracy and precision of aim
than has ever before been attained.
The bullet is encased in steel cover
ing, as the gun is only intended to
wound; which is more desirable in
Warfare
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17

"A pr1ze of $500 has been offered
for the production of the best practical
elementary textbook of tropical agri-
culture specially applicable to Jamaica,
manuscripts to be submitted to the gov
ernment of Jamaica on or before Au-
Asst l. 1888. .-ArkGnSGsC Traveller.
Steps are being taken IN Florida to
organize shippers union to control
and regulate the sale and shipment of
oranges, lemons, and other fruits to
Northern markets. The commission
men will be dispensed with and agents
of the union will take their place.
Good results are expected.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17

The Governor of Montana estimates
the present population of the Territory
at 13O,OO0v-an increase of 10000 in
the last year.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17

DISCOVERIES, inventions and COM
pounds patented each year in the Uni
ted States and never amounting to
anything, cost So 100000.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17
-"Jenkins, I We. got some tnIng I

jenkins, I've got some thing to
tell you. 1t grieves me to say it. but.
as friend, ! don't think 1 ought to
keep silent" .'What is 1t, man-what
is it?" 81 saw Brown throwing kisses
to your wife" Great Scott! /
wouldn't have believed it !" II thought
not.n But come to think of it,
Brown never did have much taste. -
Washington Critic.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17
THE LADY OF LYONS.
A New and yeracIous Version OF an Oil
Fashioned Story.

A New and TeracIous Version of Old
Fashioned Story.
An impression prevails among some
people that the Lady of Lyons was q
circus woman who went into the lions
cage and performed them. Such was
not the case. She was wealthy young
lady of Lyons. n. Y. who moved in
the first circles. She was strolIing in
the garden one day when the gardeners
son, who was wedding an onion bed.
saw her and Immediately fell in love
with her. He thought there never was
such 3 woman as Pauline, though he
couldn't make his pa lean that way,
nor his ma. Hearing of the young
mans infatuation. a couple of Pauline's
discarded lovers put up job on her.
They dressed Claude in fine clothes and
introduced him to her as Count. He
was of no count as a simple gardener,
but as supposed titled man he rose in
the social scale very greatly. He pict-
ured to her in glowing colors his home
by the Lake of Como. with its fruits of
gold, niekel-plated bananas. ETC., and
she expected to be conveyed to it in =
palace car. four sections to themselves.
Judge. then. of her vexation and dis
gust on being conveyed n bob-tailed
horse-ear and landed SO his mothers
humble lodgings on the sixth floor of
cheap tenement building. She there
upon denounced Claude and his aecep-
tions, and he went off and enlisted to
fight Indians. He got an appointments
as an Indian Agent. amassed hand
some fortune in short time and came
back to claim his bride. Every thing
was explained. except how he came to
get so much money, and Claude and
Pauline were reunited 7eEGS Sfft-
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17

john NJ. Kapcna, whose death is
announced In the latest news-budget
from the Sandwich Islands, was full
bloodod Hawaiian. who had been prom
inent in public life for many years.
From 1870 to 1880 he was Governor of
the Island of Maui Then he went as
Minister to Japan. and on his return
was made Prime Minister. He re-
mained at the head of the Government
for two years, served subsequently as
Postmaster-General, and was Finance
Minister in the Gibson Cabinet which
was overthrown last July. Mr.. Ka-
pena accompanied King kalakaua on
his visit to this country in 1874. and
again made tour Of the United States
two wears ago.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17

Nothing shows greater abJectness
of spirit than a naughty demsano-
toward interiors
How do you get along without
watermelon in winter. U icle Joep''
''Sah. dar am chickens in wintah--
Boston Courier.
"A Little Misapprohension.-
Dewdrop-..D mt you think Mr.. Rose-
bush has very sensitive moutha" Miss
Rayne (blushing violently How
should knowf'' It'd Bits.
Nature usually keeps the general
run of things on an even pace. A
naturally hard heart is very apt to
grow harder. and naturally soft
head Is equally certain to grow softer.
m z Ledger
"A photographer Is out with s6ug-
gestions to Sitters. We have sent
marked copy to man who allows his
wife to take coal up three flights and
black all the children's shoes. Bur-
lia0toa Free Press.
The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1888-02-17

On the tcnnis court: THAT girl
nsust IL dreadfully poor player. )"
.'WhyPn because her dress is so cx-
A,nsiye. "-7oun TOPICS.
The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1888-05-24
A Correction.

In the statement of Mr.. J. y ost, before
the District meeting at Petersburg. as re-
ported in the proceedings of the Conven-
tion elsewhere published. an important
omission is made. Itrelates to the action
Of the County Convention on the 2Sth of
April. when Mr.. Craig moved to lay the
resolutions on the table. A viva voce vote
was taken on the motion, and it resulted
in an overwhelming majority against it,
thus endorsing the resolutions. But the
chairman would not announce the result.
He would not announce whether the mo.
tion had been defeated or carried. There,
was not an impartial observer in the au-
dience who did not recognize the defeat
of the motion by at least three to one by
the sound. A great deal of confusion fol-
lowed, caused for purpose. 1t was to-
prevent an honest, square expression of
opinion from the Convention. 1t was after
this, and to dispense with the wrangling,
that the proposition to appoint tellers was
accepted. Upon this, and upon every 9th
er proposition the sentiment of the con-
vention was against the Malone parti-
Fans, yet by reason of the bias of the
chairman and the course of those who
were prompting and directing him, no re-
suit was declared, expressive of what the
people wanted. The convention on fair
vote, was decidedly opposed both to the
unit rule and present plan of organization
and against the outrageous course of Craig
and Allen.