davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
A Corsiderate Hotel Olerk.

y CLERK Ito gentleman who had iuabf
registered for himself and wife) You
have not written where you are from. 4,
Guest Whispering confdentially ID
don't care to state yhero we are
from.
"Why not?'
aWell, you 'see, We arc from. Chicago :
but If ! put that down on the register
nobody will believe that we Gre married
-see?'
"That's 30. I will register you as
coming from Philadelphia. and then
you will be o. K."-Teras Sitipgs. .
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
Familiar Domestic Scenes.

Jinks-"What was the matter at your
house last night7"
Blinks--" SIatterW
Yes; something unusual going on,
wasn't there2"
"Not that know off,
"Ehf Why as passed your house /
heard woman's voice yelling: Brute,
monster etc., and voice that sounded
like yours shouting back: 'Old hen, old
TOOL, and | don't know what all, and
then there was great banging of furni-
ture, and pretty soon broomstick came
through the window. Wasn't that some j..
thing unusuali Come now"
mo, nothing unusual. Philadelphia
Record.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
Whom IIo Drew n Sword

"Bah, he don't know how to draw ,
sword at ALL" exclaimed Fakirto Broke,
as they came out from one of Frederick
Wardc's performances last week. "You
ought to have seen me- think it wa.
in 1S55--you ought to have seen Inc
draw sword. Itcll you"
Come, come now, old man," inter-
rupted the mcrcilcss Broke, como, come
now, you drew sword only once in tn,
whole course of your lifc."
when was that" Fakir flashed back
with indignation.
Don't you remember2 That's funny
Why, when you drew one in railie Mt
fair, old man; when you drew one in {,
rallle."
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
A "Put md CALI

This Is funny phrase to the unInltiatcd, but
all tho brokers understand 1t. They use It
when person gives certain per cent. for the
day, at price stated on the day tho option is
given. II is often serious operation TO tho
dealer, but there is o moro serious put and
n severe cold and your friends "call" n rhysi-
clan: Avoid all this BY keeping in the house
great cure for pulmonary and blood disca. es.
Its action Is marvellous. L. curses the worst
cough, whether acute, lingering, or chronic.
For Weak Lungs. Splitting of Blood, Short
Breath. Consumption, Night Sweats, and hin-
drcd affections, it surpasses all other medi-
cincS.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
VOL Informed.

AZ Lincoln Park: Two young lady
students Of zoology, looking at den Of
First lady-Look at those moles.
Their habits have eyer been of interest
Second lady-Why, they aro not
moles. They are species Of rat. Let
us ask tho policeman. I know + am
right. Mister, what animals arc these I?
Arc they not species ofrat?
First LADY, tell you they are
.moles.
Policeman-Thoy are raccoons, mum.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
Dying For n LittIc E.c,tor,cn+

Office Boy Ito Arizona cditor)-"Dcre
is big blokc out in dc udder room wild
gun in his pants, what says he wants
ter interview yer"
Editor taking down his Winchester
and throwing the lcvcr)-''Ah, haven't
killed man for seven weeks, come Sat-
urday. Show him in, please"
Boy-"Oh, he don't want ter fight,
he's Just got n book ter SELL"
Editor with sigh -"That Just my
luck! Here I'm dying for little ~
citemcnt and the man don't want to
fight--ah, did you say he had book to
SELL"
Boy-"Yes, nice big rcd book"
Editor 0icrccly)--" 'Thcrc is still hope,
il he is book agent. Cocks rifle.
Show the whelp in and I will proceed to
mangle him. - WiLirauieo Sun.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
pcbtor and Croaiit....

Boblcy Gas his friend rushes past)-
Good gwacious, Tom, what s your
hurry7"
Wiggins-"Dont stop me, nloasc.
Pm going down town to settle n bill"
Boblcy stu Turning to settle
billl Impossib!ci"
Virgins Yaas, dear boy; I owe
Charley Grafton five dollars and he owes
me ten, y know. want to settle
Judy.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
Not Tnkinr Any Chnncel

Mothcr:in-la (who is going hone af-
ter n visit of six months)-"Hcvc we
plenty OF time, Withcrspoona l r,ustn't
get left"
MIR. Witherspoon (dubiously)-"Well,
it's ten minutes walk to the station, and
the train will leave in about an Eour and
half. To be on the safe side, think
nc had better start at ."-iSpoch.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
READ THIS TWICE.
BEWARE OF INVITATIONS.
posBlNs' ELECTRIC

and take no other. Nearly every grocer
from Maine to Mexico keeps it in stock
If yours hasn't it, he will order from his
nearest wholesale grocer.
Read carefully the inside wrapper
around each bar, and be careful to follow
directions on each outside wrapper You
cannot afford TO wait longer before trying
for yourself This old, reliable, and truly
wonderful DoDDISs' ELECTRIC Soar. :
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
No Doarth of Victims.

"Timcs arc triac dull, SIR" he MS,
addressing fellow passenger.
mot with me-" was tho reply; Say
business shows n gratifying inc ~ se
every year"
"AIay l ask tho nature of your snsi-
ness2"
Certainly. I'm the fool killer. =
San Francisco Wasp.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
Answering Conscicncc's Roll Cal,

answering COnScicnCc'S Roll Call.
There lived once in the little city Of
Williamsport, Penn, an old Judge by
the name of Williams. This old Judge
was noted for two things: For getting
mellow occasionally and for being
plncky and courageous under all circum.
stances IA gamcy old man. 1t was pc
culiarity of the old Judge that whenever
he got mellow he grew correspondingly
religious. One night he wandered into
a protracted revival meeting and seated
himself upon the front seat, full of spr-
itual influence of some kind. The cler-
gyman, engaged i'll his preaching, rose to
fcrvid pitch of cloqucucc, and in the
midst of it exclaimed:
"Show me the drunkard! Show mo
the drnnkard! OF all men on earth the
most unfortunate; show him to mcw
To the Consideration of all present the
old Judge arose, and unstcadily main
taining himself, exclaimed: "Well, sir,
here am"
The clergyman having realized upon
his investment much sooner than he an
ticipated admit know what to do with
it. They finally pulled the old Judge
down, and the incident had passed out
of memory almost, when the clergyman
again struck an impassioncd period and
exclaimed in the honesty and fcrvor of
his heart
"show me the hypocrite! Show me tho
hypocrite! OF all men on Gods green
earth the most dcspicablc. Show me the
hypocritc!"
The Judge arose the second time, and
reaching his cane over to certain shaly
old deacon, exclaimed: deacon, WHY
the dickens don't you got up when you
are called ona'-Ih.ladephM Record.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14

There was man who had n clock,
His name was Matthew Meares,
He wound it nicely every day,
For many, many years;
AT last his precious timepieco proved
An eight.day clock to be,
And madder man than Mr.. Meares
would not wish to SEQ.
-JereieS's JYeekIu.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
Frank r.. Stockton receives $3.50 for a story
OF 500 words.
"a Word 10 the Wise is snmcicnt."

Catarrh is not simply an Inconvenience, I'M
pleasant 10 the sufferer and disgusting .ot3
ers-it Is an advanced outpost of approaching
disease of worse type DO not neglect its warn
ing; it brings deadly evils in its train. Before
IL Is too late, use DIR. Sage's Cararrh Remedy.
1t reaches tho scat OF the aimont, and is the
only thing that will You may dose yourself
the streamlct becomes n rcsistlcss torrent: II is
the maturcd invention of n scientific physician.
"a word to the wise Is sufficient"
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
His Dcparture DcI.vc1.

His Departure Delayed.
Hello, Brown, when did you get
back from the other sidc."
Yesterday"
~ thought you ware expo ,ted month
ago:"
II was"
"You must have been stuck on Eu-
rope"
"No, Smith, wasn't stuck on Eu.
rope, was stuck in Europa. "-LDc.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
Fearing the Worst.

Sammy (who is never allowed to stay
out OF schooD--"lIowdie Hurlbut didn't
come to school nil day."
Mamma-"Why not2"
Sammy" Cause his mother died.
When you die may j stay home all
day2"
Mamma-"Ycs, darling; you may stay
out whole week then"
Sammy (suspiciously)-"Oh, 1 know
you mean to die in vacation. Life.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
A Snap" Game.

Maria" said Mr.. Jones, complain
lngly, at breakfast, "thosc ginger snaps
arc soft hate q soft snap"
"Wcll, Jcptha," answered Mrs. Jones,
with spirit, lit will be sofs snap for
you when | make any more O; them"
And breakfast was finished in silence
ON the part of Mr.. Jones. -0etroit Free
Press.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
All Tastes Suited.

Observation-Disclosures Yes, sir. We
have just got in new stock, satin-lincd,
silk-rmmcd, silvcr-p!atcd teamwork,
full-jewcled handle, &C., only $50.
step this way, please. First child,
supposed"
Customcr-"No; seventh"
Clcrk-"Oh! John, show tie gentle
mnu those latest improved $40 baby
''coaches. ~ Cartoon.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14

NIUny IlIIS Of NirlOUS klnUB
Blu for n mild, effective, vegetable purgativo,
you had better get DIR. Picrcc's Pleasant pur'
gntivc Pellets. They cure sick headache. bill
fous headache, dizziness, constipation, indigcs
ton, md bilious attacks; % cents vial, by
druggists.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14

Liver Oil on account CT its unpleasant taste.
This dincu ty has been overcome in SCOTS
EMULSION of Cod Liver Oil with Hypopho, 3
phites. 1t cling rs palatable as milk, and the
ment of Consumption, Scrofuln and Bron-
chitis, General Debility, Wasting Diseases OF
caused physicians in ali paris OF the world to
Il c 1t. Physicians report our little patients
take 1t with pleasure. Try SCOTS Emulsion
and be convinced.
a Philalelphiau has paiented an ice creep
er for horses
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14

oysters have to DO four years old before
they nro harvested.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14

II afflicted with sore eyes uso Dr. Isnac
Thompson5 Eye-water. Druggists sell ut 25c.
per bottle.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
DOBBlNS' ELECTRIC SOAP.
The Best Family Soap i'm the
World.

It is strictly pure. Uniform in quality.
Tho original formula for which we paid
$50, 900 twenty years ago has never been
modified or changed i'll the slightest. This
Soap is identical il quality today with
that made twenty years ago.
Il contaiL nothing that can injuro tho
finest fabric. 1t brightens colors and
bleaches whites.
1t washes fiannels and blankets MS no
other soap in tho world does-without
shrinking leaving them soft and white
md like new,
READ THIS TWICE.
There is great saving of time, of labor,
of soap, of fuel, and of the fabric, where
Dobbins' Electric Soap is used according
to directions.
One trial will demonstrate its great mer-
it. 1t will pay you TO make that trial.
Like all best things, it is extensively i'm
Hated and counterfeitcd.
BEWARE OF INVITATIONS.
Insist upon Dobbins' Electric. Don't
take Magnetic, Electro-A Magic, Philadelphia
Electic, or any other fraud, simply because
it is cheap. They will ruin clothes, and
are dear Mt any price. Ask for
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.

Sad Waste OF Timo-No Dearth of
Vfctims-Lovo on tho Frontier
Not Taking Any Chanccs-All
Tastes Suited-Etc., Etc.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14

His Son Had an Obiect Lesson.
Little-Dick-"Pop, what's a dcma-
gogue?'
Pop-'.A demagogue, my son, is a
mean, misctable swindling rascal, who
keeps himself in power by currying favor
with fool voters. For my part, 1 wish
the ballot could be limited to people of
intelligence.
well, Mr. Grcatman met me in the
street to-day and give me a penny and
asked after your health, and said he
hoped you'd call and see him cause he
had new box of just tie sort of cigars
you like"
''My stars! Where's my hat7"-Paila.
delphia Record.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
WANTED TO BUY a FARM in th,. ,o,.,,...
+" rM sp Curtis X Wright. 13:S BroadwaW SNi''yy.

A Ecuts wanted; : an honr E0nc,v criicles . ,,,,
"a anu samples iree. Q. T Mlrshan Iccknnrt "
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
MANY mon OF mh,lr minds;

Mt. Lassens, chi, cleetriilcs the hair of
those who ascend it
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
Hc stronglY sngccstca HOE Eo.o

"lf this is your final answer, Miss
ROBINSON" the young man said, with
ill-concealed chagrin, rs he picked nm
his hat and turned to go, II can do
nothing but submit. Yet, has it ever
occurred to you that whenever n lady
passes the age of thirty-scvcn she is not
likely to find her. elf rs much SOUGHT
after by desirable young men as She
once was?"
at occurred to me with sudden and
painful dstinctness when you offered
yourself just now" she replied. "Good
night, MIR. Peduncle. - CHicago Tribune.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14
Many peopIo Rcfu,o 10 Tnke Cod

a combined cradle and rock ing chair has
boon patented
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14

q 81 10 81 day. Samples worth Al "a Fpu,
IN IA Lines not under the horses feet Wrtfof nrsS
~ " brewster Safety Rein Holder 20 Uaiie W.,
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14

SOLDIERS 4!
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14

Standard limo EMPRESS. Eypnrss
10Th Meridian, No. 4. No. q.
Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1888-12-14

EAUEE SEnmDH, Book,kecpns, business Form.
kH Snina.shtp, Arithmetic, Shorthand ctr
Il n .nnin,usMy tansht by MAIL. Circular free,
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-11-01
CONDENSED DISPATCHES.

Daniel Wiggin, an employe of the David
son Rubber Co. of Boston, accidentally shot
himself near Glen cottage, Gorham, n. II. +,
Wednesday afternoon. While getting into a
carriage with loaded gun he SO struck his
gun as to discharge the contents into his
mead. lie died in two hours.
At the Bddeford Unitarian parish meeting
Wednesday night the pastorate call was ex-
tended to Rev l.. }. Marsh of Winchester
Mass.
In the match race between Prince Wilkes
and Patron at Nashville Wednesday, Wilkes
won in three straight heats. Best time,
2.l5 IL.
Judge Thurman addressed large gather
ing at Newark, o., Wednesday. l,,,sC..,
There were 20 new cases of yellow fever
and one death at jacksonville Wednesday.
The Grant Monument Association has au-
thorZed an extension OF time for receiving
models and plans for the proposed national
memorial to Gen. Grant from Nov. |, 1883,
to Jan. 2, 1889
Secretary Bayard spoke Wednesday night
in Baltimore. In the course of his remarks
referring to the Minister West affair, he
said; The country has been a witness
during the past week of an interruption, for
the time being only, of its relations with a
foreign and friendly power. 1t was made
necessary. The act was not an act of the
people OF the United States or anyone in
sympathy with them or with their interests. E"
Chas. IL. Adams, aged 10, Journal re
porter, committed suicide at the Bancroft
house, New York, Wednesday night, by
ga.hing his wrist and throat with a razor.
Poverty is believed to have been the cause.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-11-01
FOREIGN intelligence.
ENGLISH NEWSPAPERS
Seem to Understand the Motive for
CleYeland'S Action Toward SackYille,
Yet Their Love for Their Favorits Leads
Them to Condone.

LONDON, Oct. 81.
The press association announces that Sack
vile comes TO England Immediately on his
leave of absence. He has important busi-
Saekville estates.
The Pail Mall Gazette saws .'If Bay
ards rebuke of Sackville fails TO convince
Irish voters tina. Cleveland can be relied
upon to check John Bull as much as any
other man, we do not see what's left for him
to do short of placing Sackyille under arrest
and escorting him to the frontier How
silly it all is. How much Americans will
despise themselves for it when the election
fever is over.
The ST. James Gazette SAYS: As Sackville
is technically in the wrong, England cannot
resent the wrong which Bayard put upon it.
The Globe says: An uncourteous an
nouncement might create very strained rela-
tons between the two countries for its true
character is recognized on both sides Sack
vile has been subjected TO unmannerly
treatment by both Bayard and Cleveland
If the minister comes back it will be simply
because Cleyeland's ambition to be elected
president a second time scars far above the
requirements of International courtesy and
good will.
The Daily News says: Lord Sackville
may be congratulated upon having involved
the country in the most serious misunder-
standing with America since the settlement
of the Alabama claims. BY his interviews
he succeeded in making bad matter worse
and deepened the impression, previously very
slight, that he intended to charge the Amer.
can government with insincerity in its inter
national dealings. That is All accusation
which, even if true, no high spirited people
would endure from the representative of
foreign power.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-11-01
DETAILS OF THE DISASTER
Which Befell the Thriving Village of
Athens.

ATHENS, Oct 81.
The complete report of the Athens fire,
which broke ont about 80 Tuesday morn
ing, shows thriving little village stricken.
The insurance was so light that the blow was
made terribly severe, and is one that the viii
lage will not recover from for years.
The fire was first discovered in the store
occupied by C. +. Dore & Son, and known
as the Wade G. Ware store,
1t had made such progress that all thought
of saving the building was at once abandoned
and the dwellers in the immediate vicinity
turned their attention to saving their own
personal effects. In consequence of this the
alarm given was not general and it was some
time before the bell in the church rang out
the alarm.
Following are the losses and insurance ::
Athens Grange, 500; DIR. ElliBgsworth,
house and furniture, $1,000, no insurance ;
selectmens office, owned by Edward Ware,
S400. no insurance; Ward & Wares store
stable and shed, $4,000, insurance S4s00;
Odd Fellows furniture, etc, $1,000, insur-
ance $500; c. F. Dore & Sons stock, $4,000,
insurance $4,000; DIR. Tobey's two stores,
$500, no insurance; Miss Jones, damage to
stock and loss 5000, no insurance; Mrs.
Loring, damage TO stock and loss 500, no
insurance; Hartly Pomeroy, 5000, no insur-
ance; .. L. Bush, store, $500, no insurance !;
O. l.. Bush, stock $500, no insurance; c. l..
Jones, store $500, no insurance; w. Leigh
ton, damage and loss $500 no insurance /;
damage to the fronts of stores on the oppo-
site side of the street, $500; A. c. Wade,
piano, $500. The total loss will not fall
much below $50, 900. Not a dollar of the
C. +. Dore & Sons stock was saved The
postoffice was in this building. Everything
belonging to the postotiice with the eIcep-
ton of the mail bag with the outgoing morn
ing mail, was burned,
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-11-01
MAINE DISPATCHES.
FIRE IN MILFORD.
A Large Saw Mill Owned by the BOdWell
Water Power Co. Consumed.
Birthstone From a Match Ignites an Oil
Soaked Floor
BANGOR. Oct. &

BANGOR, Oct. 81.
AT five o'clock this afternoon fire broke
out in large lumber saw mill at Milford,
which in short time was entirely consumed
The mill was owned by the Bodwell Water
Power Co., and occupied by VI. A. Austin
& Co, rotary, clapboard saw and clapboard
planer; George Longley, gang and single
saw; Bodwell Mailing, rotary. b. B.
Thatcher, gang, clapboard, lath and ishingle
saw ; VIM Engel Co., gang and clapboard
saw; Moses l.. Jordan, shocks. The fire
caaght from birthstone flying from a match
when lighting match, striking the floor
saturate with oil. which flashed into a blaze
like gun-powder and rapidly spread through
the dry and niiammable building. The
mills were burned to the ground together
with the saws and belts in Jordan's and En-
gels mills and the betting in Thatcher's,
the other saws and belts were removed. BY
the exertons of the fire department and the
favorable condition of the weather the many
million feet of lumber piled about the mill
were saved, also the cars there to be loaded
The mill was 62 years old and valued at
$50 900; insured for $50 900. Ii is divided
between the several agencies here. The
losses to the lessees will not be heavy
Fortunately the business season is nearly
closed, otherwise the want of the mills
would be greatly felt The capacity of the
mills was 30,000,000 feet per year, and that
amount has been sawed this season.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1888-11-01
State House Notes.

All hopes Of an Indian summer have evil
IDENTIFY died out in the minds of State House
officials, and warm rooms and closed win
dows are the order of the day The premo-
nitlons of an early snow storm fastened Mr.
Fossett to carefully place the plank covering
on the stone steps leading up to the Capitol,
that legislative bones and the limbs OF erran.
newspaper reporters may be protected from
the seductiveness of icy granite.
The council chamber is still enliyened by
the busy air of those engaged in tabulatiag
the returns, This work was taken up with
the hopeful assurance Of early completion,
but days wear away and tongues and figures
grow weary, without an encouraging diminu-
ton OF the mass of documents. Think of
it! After tabulating and verifying, stopping
every now and then to write some delnquent
town clerk for corrections of errors, then
going over the whole to make emendations
after all this there will remain over thou.
sand columns of figures. each column more