The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1888-05-12
He Pleads for Liberty.

| A tramp printer was arrested at Sa
lima, Kan, recently, for an error. Q
Judgment. After wearing off the effect
Of imported bourbon, he writes as fol
lows to the mayor of the city:
In THE BAsr11E, SELMA, Kan. r
His Honor the Mayor. Sir: A few
days since I visited your beautiful city
with view Of making it my future
home. Many Of your leading citizens
evidently desired that remain, as the
fact that I have been their involuntary
guest against my most solemn protest,
furnishes most ample testimony. am
not deep-dyed criminal. I am simply
q victim Of mathematical inaccuracy "a
clerical error, SO to speak IN that over
estimated the capacity of my ''tank .
The liquor l found here was Of better
quality than that I found at junction
City. hence the disastrous effect upon my
system. ] am more than pleased with
my boarding house but 7 do not desire
to cause you further expense. The
money the city is paying out for my
keep and board might be used for many
other purposes; you might use a por-
ton Of it in subsidizing a morning
newspaper to boom your town; you
could give it to the poor; raise the salary
of city officers; anything. l do not need
it. I can rustic. Just now [ am out OF
tobacco--the saddest of calamities.
Owing to depleted exchequer, I am
liable to remain So the thought is mad
dening. Gould but roam at will over
our boundless prairies, this state OF
things need not exist. can not raise S12
in here. can't raise twelve cents.
For $12 dollars yo.: keep me your in
voluntary guest for 366 days. II will
cost the city the snug sum Of $219.60.
1t is not a good investment. Don't look
upon me as criticising the managers OF
the city finances. I only speak from the
point Of view of a private temporary
resident. Then again my ''morals'' are
becoming sadly corrupted by associa-
ton with gentlemen whose soul oocupa"
tons seem to playing ''chequers with
their noses" "soltaire" and talk OF he
roes OF yellow backed literature such as
''Red Headed Rube; or, the Blood
Drinking Terror Oh Opolaque;;' ''Tommy
the Tough or the Boss Boot Black Of
Boston; Short Card ST; Or, the Story of
a -Four Gard Flush" Every time 7
hear or see these things it brings the
blush of maidenly modesty to my ala
baster {not adamantine) cheek. To one
whose whole life has been spent in the
pure and elevating air Of newspaper
Office, and as court reporter, sur
rounded by brilliant minds, bright and
witty writers, learned and sedate advc-
vocates of the law, who. in every turn in
life, has run against great chunks of
wisdom and learning, this confinement
is undoubtedly hard. Still do not CON.
plain. All great men have suffered
from advocating their propositions be-
fore the world was ready for them. Ed.
Vail is in jail for trying to prove that
under certa IN circumstances half
gallon man Can hold gallon and q halt
OF whiskey. By nature 1 am nomad.
L have seen much Of tbs world, In a
few days more desire will seize me to
extend my field of observation. You
are not the man who would allow an
obstacle to remain in the way Of my
following out my desires. Only have
me released and my dainty footsteps
will bound from the velvety grass Of
your city with oil the haste and grace of
q john rabbit.
But seriously, your honor I want out.
Freedom once gained, I can make my
way to Denver, where can secure en-
ployment. I have no money, and I
have ne means of raising any. There is
no possibility of my ever being able to
pay my fine. [ have some friends, but,
like me, they are poor.
Respectfully yours,
r.. 3. VAIL.