Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1888-04-20
PUNGENT POINTS.

There is considerable Il ference be-
tween a punny poem and funny po'
EN-. One is and the other isn't-Neu
York Graphic.
There is so much chin music among
the pugilists nowadays that it would be
n good idea to settle all future prize.
fights by arb tration. p HsOurgh Fost.
If liquor should he sold at the com
inc dog show would the dispenser OF
guilds be called whine clerk or a
bark keeperP-B0StoH CODsnNrcI1L Bus'
iettn.
Don't size up man by the thickness
Of his roll. lie may have 50 bill OF
uncertain pedigree wrapped around
section OF rag-carpet. - httadetph'a
Cal.
DR.. Hammond says that death is not j.
necessity. But people Will 90 right7
on using it just the same. some as
convenience and others rs luxury
Bu6iio Express.
Utah is knocking loudly for admis-
sion into the union. Nolhng should
avail except n ticket inscr bed as were
Artemus Wards free passes TO his
lecture on the Mormons-"A admit bear.
er and one wife. - eras SDtugS.
Johnnie what business do YOU ex-
pect to engage in when you are
man?" ''Oh. i be colonel he pop
and wr tc articles about The late war >"
But YOU won't be able to; you never
saw the late war " "Ne Their did pop"
Lincoln Jo,U1aa'.
The campaign song has already be-
tta 4
in the pages Of the American press.
Pretty soon the bal-ful slraw-vote iiend
will break into publicity and then the
question Of whether life is worth living
will possess a new importance. ~ hna-
dciphi4 Press.
III have to ask yon for an increase
in my salary said Pittsburgh clerk
to his employer this morning. "Why,
YOU had an advance the first OF the
year Il know; but You soc my wife
Is attending some cooking lectures and
cooking according To recipes. "--P,tlS'
dWgh Chronicle Ielegra h.
If Sullivan had Knocked Mitchell out
in tn rty-eIght rounds the American
people could have stood it, as "A delicate
compliment to the thirty-e ght states OF
the union; but the ev dencc goes 10
show that it was not until The last mo-
ment Sullivan realized that Dakota was
still out in the cold --PeOrtu TrdIS-
crypt.
A Washington belle who went west
TO teach the Young Ind AN dea how to
shoot is 10 marry one of her buck pu.
pills. BY the time she is drawing fire
wood for the fam w tcpec with - pa
,t. ~ sin
will realize that the noble red man
lives only n Cooper's novels. -Icortd
Tran crypt
A New York ocul st SAYS that what
is known "a the cigarette eve is be.
coming common. Its symptoms are
dImue" caused 10y "A fim-like gathering
over the iris and pupil which appears
and disappears at intervals. Only
cigarette smokers are troubled with IT,
If not arrested bl ndness becomes IN
evitabIe. - CiuctiInai iuHe..
Extract from current novel: "And
when Godfrey discovered the ominouS
word. Danger. Beware" it seemed
that he would turn to stone. God.
frey was evidently good man and
tried to obey the injunct on to beware.
1t vas easier TO be stoneware than any
other kind; though, if he was az big a
block ahead as most novel heroes, he
might have become woodcnware.-
BtHgtamton Republican.
MY beloved brethren" announced
preacher from his pulpit. ION Sab
bath morning next collection will be
taken up for our blessed il mission
Amen" rang fervently through the
congregation. And | would add.
went on the preacher impressvely.
that amens, however resonant and
sincere. make but little rattle in the
contributon-box Let MS unite in
prayer. '-Ne10 ork SIN