The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1888-09-12
SHAM AND PRETENSE.
A BRIEF LOOK AT OUR OWN PLEAS
ING PERSONALITIES.

ING PERSONALITIES.
What Our Rich Men Have Done-The
Dude Who Made Believe He WA =
saiior--A Fancy "Colonci" in 1851.
Only voneer.
But come a little nearer homo
Let's take look Mt our own pleasing per-
sonalities. Do we wear wigs false teeth,
tight shoesi Do we wear high heeled boots
to deceive our neighbors as to our height
Do we pull in our waists and pad out our
bustsa Do We wear funny things behind, In
the absurd endeavor TO persuade people who
know better that the Lord made US different
from what he did make usi You remember,
don't you, few years ago, when our dear
sisters wore little humps on their shonldersi
That was the funniest fashion / ever know.
Every woman tried to make everybody else
believe that on each shoulder she had little
hump. Now, all women, and majority Of
men, know that no women was ever born
with little hump on either shoulder, let
alone on both.
Our rich men are curious creatures. They
have ornamented, identified, solidfed our
streets and those Of every significant city In
the land by magnificent structures, semi
hotels, and they have pandered to . fast
growing sentiment In this land Of the free,
which seems to ape foreign affairs by giving
to these structures names which mean some
thing on the other side OF the ocean, but
which hare are bloomingly idiotic. Our
great apartment houses here are called the
Buckingham, the Rockingham, the Sand
bingham, the Bolvidere and so on.
THOUGHT HE WAS SAILOR
was sitting on the broad piazza OF sum-
mer hotel about an hour ago, when a curious
creature came from the inner recesses and
stood In the doorway. On hts head was
sailors cap He wore flannel shirt with a
wide turnover collar and anchors embroid-
cred on the ends. Gilt buttons made his
attire more conspicuous but what attracted
my attention more especially were the creases
down the middle Of his trousers, which by
the way were turned up about two inches
from the bottom, revealing pretty pair Of
black silk stockings and neatly fitting patent
leather pumps He was dude from Dude
vile, a darling escpaed from the bandbox,
yet he thought he was sailor, and that the
effect produced upon tho guests of the hotel
was that of rollicking, jolly, pipe smoking
tar.
I wondered as | looked at him what he
would do with those pumps and those silk
stockings and his pretty trousers ir a storm.
Ho apparently had about as much muscle as
a fresh water clam, and queried how many
ropes his bejewelled fingers could handle In
a moment of necessity or Of danger.
Whom did he deceived
He knows perfectly well he is no sailor, and
no knows that everybody who looks at him
knows that he Is no sailor. As looked at
him, my mind ran back TO the stormy days
in 1861, when, with one foot ON the sturdy
solidity of peace and prosperity, the nation
put Its other foot forward upon the threshold
Of five years war, with its blood and tur.
MOL. was sitting In the Office Of Williard's
hotel In Washington. The great corridor
was packed with angry men, eagerly discuss
ing what must BIO done. Forcing his way
through the dense mass, young gentleman
in the full uniform Of colonel, approached
the desk and registered bis name, appended
to which were tho words, "payfnaster OF the
state OF New York; BY his side cllnked
sword. On his shoulders were glittering
epaulettcs. Brass buttons were all over him,
and his cap was cooked over his right eye,
with real 1851 swagger. Col Mansfield sat
near me, then bronEed veteran with q
record, and Rosecrans, then think colonel,
also was at the desk settling q ball, ere he de-
parted for the extreme west.
AFTER RUDER EXPERIENCES.
The slap dash OF the young gentleman
attracted their attention. They looked at
him with curious eyes, and seemed to SEQ In
him q prefiguration Of tho young America,
about to como to the front. This young
gentleman was ON the staff OF the governor
q tho state. He was there ON duty, but he
then had no moro idea OF war than any OF
the rest Of us. To him the trip was jolii-
cation. To him the experience was picnic.
To him It was all cooked cap, brass buttons,
a clinking sword and we'll written unme,
with paymastcr Of the state OF New York
at the end Of IL He had no more idea Of the
true duties OF soldier, then my curled
darling In the yachting suit had Of the duties
Of sailor. His dress, so far as typifying