Arizona weekly enterprise., 1888-02-04
ARIZONA WEEKLY ENTERPRISE.
FLORENCE, FEBRUARY 4, 1888
WHAT THE CHINESE DID.
Why an Amor can HumOrist Is Disgusted
 With Ills Pig-Tliled Friends.

Why an Amor can HumOrist Is Disguised
 With Ills Pig-Tliled Friends.
 Have you ever heard of any dis cuvery which was not known centuries ago in ChinaP
 have not, although have been looking for one with long-handled microscope, and my young life is be- ing clipped to pieces by the thought that all the vaunted and patented achievements of the white man arc nothing but the warmed-over exer- tions of the yellow Chinaman, who wears his shirt as an exterior garment and his eyes cut bias.
 There is natural gas, for instance, wbi oh is making some cities of this country so proud of themselves. The Chinese had it centuries ago-lots of it, more than they wanted. One day it broke loose, blew up section of the empire somewhat smaller than the State of Texas in slze, and reduced from five million to ten million Celes- tials to a state of innocuous desuetude. The Chinese are never exact in giving figures. A difference of five million people never worries them, and in dates a difference between q few yoars and dozen eons is quite permissible.
 Printing is an ancient invention with them, for every little China boy had an amateur outfit as long ago as 4037 years and five months.
 The Chinese discovery of paper is lost in remote and cobwebby antiquity, but is believed to have occurred just before the surface of the earth had quite cooled off.
 The Chinese discovered roller-skat- ing while Noah was cutting his milk teeth. and Beautiful Snow was writ ten by one of her poets B. c. 9406.
 The art of watering railway stock was practiced with precision and suc- cess about forty centuries ago in China, and the B. & 0. deal went through it's Chinese experience B. c. TAO.
 The chestnut bell was doing it's deadly work in China 10, 400 years ago, and hash was invented there by Mrs. Yung Wing, who ran boarding house in the Fourth Ward of Shan ghai. two years before the flood. This estimable lady was also the first to in- troduce India-rubber spring-chicken to the molars of her boarders.
 The Chinese journalists had worn the phrase dull thud" threadbarc several centuries before Eve indulged her appetite for fall pippins.
 Dudes were quite a curiosity in China in the reign of Hi Mucky Muck, 1867 years ago, but they became such nuisance toward the close of the year 7974 that an imperial edict issued in that year condemned them all to death.
 They used glass for windows in China a thousand years before houses were built, and inciosed letters in envelopes few hundred decades be- fore any body learned to write letters.
 The first Chinese sewing machine was patented six weeks before Mrs. Adam made her nrst fg-lcd gown, but the agent was q little late in reach ing Ellen with his samples.
 A Chinese savant preserved the voice of his mother-in-law in a photograph as long ago as 8541 B C.
 Confucius used the typewriter in concocting letters to his girl, and when he tilted her she could not col lect any damages for breach of prom i>e, because she could not prove his signature.
 It would not surprise me to learn that Wing To Jing, or some other monosyllabic Celestial. completed the Keely motor several hundred years previous 10 the creation of the world, and became immensely wealthy by placing the sock on the market
 The Chinese make me tired. - W1n. F. SiUitcr. iH Puch