davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1888-05-17
HUMOROUS.

When Mr.. Hamlet remarked: Eye,
there's the rnb," he is supposed TO
have just got off railroad train with
cinder in his optic.--Eclipsed Er-
change.
In the court room. why is it
they are SO mighty particular about
order here?' 1.-The Judge, you remem-
Der. can only serve during good beha-
vior."- Boston Transcript.
Dude (bad pay)-.'That stripe
looks well; SO does this. What would
you prefer for yourself if you were
choosing?" Long-suffering Tailor: "A
check. - Philadelphia Call.
-Barber Ito customer) Hair cut
sir?" Customer" Hair cut! Can't
You see that Iwear wig?" Barber
"Oh., beg pardon; so yon do. Well
.er-havc a shampoo9'-Harper's
Bazar.
-Jaggs-" Yes. proposed to her,
Baggs-"And she gave you her hand
and with it her heart" Jaggs-. Mot
exactly. Her father gave me his foot.
and his sole went with it. '-Philadel-
phid Call.
-" You bad boy. you have made =
grease-spot on the new sofa with yonr.
bread and butter" said Mrs. Fizzletop
to her son Johnny. Never mind.
ma. you can sit on it when there is
company in the parlor." replied little
JOHNNY 1eras Sifiin0s.
-Ethel-"Did you go to Italyp'
Harriet-"OhL my. yes! We stayed
there two months" Ethel" What
do you think Of the lazzaroni?" Har-
riet-"Oh. it's awful. | tried some
the first night was there. but it
doesn't suit my taste ut all. Life.
-Landlady (swell boarding house,
=" Have you any children. madam?'
Applicant (meckly)-.Only one. y
little boy. and he is sickly." Land
lady (dnbiDusly)-.I hardly know
what to say. madam. Some of these
sickly children often linger long
time. you know. and I don't like to
take any chances. ~ ]. Sum-
Your sojourn in Texas seems to
have done you great deal OF good;
must be fine climate" - feel like
a new man. but it wasn't the climate;
it was the exercise" I'VE never
could prevail on you to take exercise
here" Il was on the Jump all the
time in Texas" '.Well, well. Effect
of the air?' mo; ccntilcdes. - Omaha
World
-Haysecd says le doesn't think
much of the city hotel-keepers. They
have big room magnificently fitted
up and label it '.Samplc Room" This
raises II fellows expectations to the
highest notch. but when he is shown
to little seven@by-nine room ut the
top of the house he finds that he has
been swindled. 1t is not bit like the
sample. Boston Transcript.
johnny and his elder sister made
up the class. and Johnny had come to
rely OH his sisters industry for his les
sons. Johnny. upon what does the
earth revoEvee' asked the teacher.
Ak sis.' replied Johnny. scratching
his head to evoke an idea Correct.
And rs Jol.a.ny afterward explained it
to com m2anion. he was the puzzled
est boy in creation"
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1888-05-17
GENERAL SMALLPOX.
Two Tired Soldiers Fall Asleep In the Old
COnuuerOr's Hospital.

Two Tired Soldiers Fall Asleep In tho Old
COnquerOr's Hospital.
An old soldier describes what turned
out to be laughable experience of two
Of his comrades. In one view Of it they
were very unfortunate. but looked at
in another light their case may be said
to have been "twice blest;" for they
were certainly glad to get in. and glad
der still to get ont. On one occasion.
when, during march. they had halted,
they discovered an old house near by.
and thought it would be nice thing
to sleep under shingles once more.
Accordingly they slipped out Of the
ranks. went over to the house, and
spreading their blankets on the floor
went TO sleep. About daylight they
were awakened by soldier in charge
Of the place.
Il don't want to disturb you. fell
lows; but do you know where you are
slecping?'
NO. Is this some Generals head
quarters?"
No; but it is old General Smallpox's
hospital. 1t won't interfere with him.
however, if sleeping here don't trouble
you any,
.Whew!" shouted he luxurious
slecpers simultaneously. as they dew
out Of the place.
Don't be in hurry" shouted tho
guard, checrfully. you're not disturb
ing anybody. There's only two fel-
lows in here. and they're both dead.
why didn't you tell us. you miser-
able scoundrcla'
Because / was asleep myself
Here. don't you want your blankets??"
mo! to blazes with the blankets!"
.All right. I'll take good care of
'em till you come back again. hope
you'll have it light
| At this horrible suggestion the men
fled back to the line. where. by beg
ging, they got garments enough to
make a change. 1t was many days be-.
fore they got rid of the fear that they
had the dread disease, and it was much
longer before any one could say ''shin-
giles" to eithero of them with any degree
of safety.-NeuarE IN. ~ Call.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1888-05-17
THE NEWS.
Compiled From Late Dispatches
FIFTlETH CONGRESS.

FIFIl6IH CONOH6SSs
TUESDAY, May s.-The Senate passed the
bill increasing tho pension OF soldiers
for total disability to $72 per month.
A memorial was presented from the New
England Methodist conference protesting
against any treaty that precludes Chinese
ministers of the Gospel or Chinese dele
gates to religious conventions coming into
the country The Railroad Land Forfeit
ure bill was further considered. Mr..
Voorhees, apologized for his harsh language
during the recent speech made by Mr.. In
gals. In the House the Mills Tariff bill
was further discussed.
WEDNESDAY, May o. In the Senate
the Railroad Land Grant Forfeiture bill
and international Copyright bill were
passed. In the House tho Tariff bill was
further discussed. Mr.. Butterworth (O.)
speaking against the measure.
THURSDAY, May 10.-In the Senate q
bill was passed to pay Sc, 900 to persons
who aided in suppressing Indian hostilities
in Nevada In 1850. Bills were reported to
prevent the employment Of alien labor on
public works. and the Pension Appropria-
tion bill Adjourned to the l4th. In the
House the bill appropriating q, SOC, 900 to
supply tho deficiency in the appropriation
for the payment OF army and navy pensions
to invalid widows, minor children and de-
pendent relatives and survivors Of the war
of 1912 was passed. The Tariff bill was
further discussed.
FRIDAY, May 1.-THE Senate was not in
sion. In the House Mr.. Scott PA made
q long speech in favor of the Mills Tariff
bill, and Mr. Gear ua.) spoke against the
measure.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1888-05-17
RANDOM SHOTS.

DURING the war Hooker's corps, u.
Eleventh and Twelfth consolidated.
twenty-five thousand strong. was
moved from Virginia to Bridgeport.
Tenn. with all its baggage and sup
plies, in seven days. !,
The Soldiers Home. at Quincy. ILL.,.
has admitted 524 inmates, of whom 264
are natives and 200 are foreigners.
The foreigners are divided as follows:
Germany, 10; Ireland. 95; England.
IL, and Scotland. 10. o75 are married or
have living children, and l67 are sim
gle. The trades or professions num-
ber SO. and there are l5l farmers and
1872 laborers.
DEATH excepted, there is little chance
of the promotion Of any more Generals
for three years. General Schofield re-
tires in September. 1895, Howard in
November, 1894. and Cook in Septem-
bcr. 1898 OF the Brigadier-Generals.
General Miles retircs in August. 1908;
Stanly in June. 1892; Merritt in June,
1900; Gibbon in April, 1891; Rugcr in
April. 1897, and Brooke in 1902.
ADMIRAL PORTER. the head of the
navy. receives higher salary than
the commander Of the army. He is paid
$500 a year, while LieItenant-Gen-
eral Sheridan receives only sll 900, al
though the latter is allowed a commu-
tation Of 500 month for quarters.
forage for four horses. General Sher-
man. as General Of the army, and Gem
eral Grant also received $4,000.
GENERAL JAMES GRANT WILSON re-
Gently visited the spot near Atlanta,
Ga. where General Mcpherson fell.
and reports that the monument erect
ed to his memory Is greatly mutilated
by relic hunters. The granite base on
which the upright gun was placed has
been Clipped away, SO that the hero's
nalno is scarcely legible. The iron
pickcts inclosing the monument have
lost nearly all their points.
S. j. DEMARs in 1861 enlisted in
Company Z, Fifth Vermont Volunteers.
and was made sergeant. He was
wounded, captured and exchanged
twice, and then wounded ut Spots
sylvania again. lie was taken to the
hospital near Fairfax Courthouse.
from which he suddenly disappeared
after he had nearly recovered. Moth.
ing more was heard from him, and
when. in 1865, his regiment was mus
tured out he was put down as . de
serter. Subsequently it was ascertain.
ed that he had quit the hospital with.
out knowing it, while in a delirium Of
fever. For two years Senator Ed.
munds and others have been working
in his behalf, and recently Sergeant
Demars received an honorable die.
charge from June 20, 1865
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1888-05-17
FOREIGN INTELLIGENCE.

ALGERIA was being devastated by crick-
cts on the Sth, vegetation being entirely
destroyed. Their dead bodies were Great.
ing pestilence and interfering with the
running Of trains between Constantine and
Batna.
AT meeting Of Nationalists in Sligo on
the Sth, resolutions were passed condemn
ing the Pope's po itical interference and
pledging allegiance to Parnell's leadership.
A RECENT fire at Ononac, B. G., destroyed
1,O95 houses and thirty lives were lost.
JOHN DILLON, the Irish member Of Par.
lament, active in carrying out the plan OF
campaign and in advising tenants against
the payment of rent, was convicted in Dub
lin on the llth Of violating the Crimes act
and sentenced to six months Imprisonment.
A ROCK fell on the nth in q mine near
Stassfurt, in Prussian Saxony, killing
eighteen persons and injuring many others.
PARIS advices say steamer was sunk in
the Seine on the llth and fourteen lives
were lost.
DISPATCHES Of the 1lth from Rio Janeirc
state that the Brazilian Chamber Of Depu
ties has passed bill for the immediate
abolition Of slavery
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1888-05-17
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.

George X. Sims, the author Of
"'Ostler Joe" and q Rumber Of sue
cessful plays, makes upward Of go. 600
a year by his pen. He is fifty-one
years old and was nnheard OF ten
years ago.
Roscoe Conkling was q great lover
of poetry. and could repeat many
verses from memory. not fragmentary
lines or stanzas. but whole epics. page
by page. His favoritc poems were
"Lalla Rookh" and Lady Of the
Lake"
In the San Francisco free library
is one Of the most remarkable works
ever given to the world. It is tho
Lords Prayer in no less than 8l4 diff
ferent dialects The work was COM
piled by A. Amer, and published in
Vienna in 1844.
F. G. Burnand. of London Punch,
possesses remarkable skilI~as vcn-
triloquist. He was educated for q
Jesuit priest. but his inclination to
play practical jokes with the veutrslo-
quial power under his control brought
him into disfavor with his supcrio1s.
An advertisement from Prague
(Hungary) newspaper is translated as
follows: "A literary lady would like
to meet literary gentleman with .
view to matrimony. Prose preferred.
as the lady is poet, and contrasts
generally harmonizc bcst-matrimo-
nially."
William D. Howells. tho novelist.
was type-sctter. and so was Bret
Hartc, and SO was Mark Twain. R. H
Stoddard, the poet. was blacksmith,
Frank Stockton was an engravcr. and
John G. Whittier was a farmer with
slight interruption until he was nearly
thirty years old.
There are two old gentlemen en-
ployed on the Tribune who are make
ups Of the great Horace Greeley; their
hair, face. dress, actions are suggestive
Of the great newspaper editor of the
past. and this likeness is made notice
able and striking by the presence Of a
life-size portrait of Mr.. Greeley hang
ing against the wall.
-Swinburne, the cratic English poet,
is scarcely five feet in height. his face
is CHASTITY pale, and his immense head
is covered with great masses Of wild,
unkempt hair, while his mouth is small.
almost girlish in its expression. He il
shy Of women. but he is fond OF the so.
ciety Of artists and men of letters. liz
has perfect horror of the brafnlass
dancing girls who fill the fashio nabl
drawing-rooms Of London.
James Gordon Bennett may well
be called citizen of the world. He
has house in New York, one at New
port. one in Paris. 4 cottage at Bonrgi-
val. chateau and farm thirty miles
out Of Paris. villa at Nice. and |:
steam-yacht to take him across thu
ocean or anywhere he wants to 60
Mr.. Bennett is well on to fifty years o1
age, but he does not look it. His tall
form is as straight rs an arrow, his
blue eyes as bright rs an eagles, and
his mustache golden brown. His
hair, however, is very gray. and set.
off his florid complexion to the bes,
advantage. Mr.. Bennett dresses quiet.
ly but handsomely.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1888-05-17
Forest Fires In Two states.

BALTIMORE, Nd, May ia special from
Middletown, Frederick County, Md, says:
One of the largest fires that has ever ragged
on Catoctin mountain is burning. Great
damage is being done to valuable timber,
fencing, cord wood, etc. The fire extends
some three or four miles in length and pre-.
sents magnificent spectacle.
CHATHAM, Mass, May 1O.-A heavy forest
fire is raging in South Brewster and doing
much damage to valuable wood land, also
threatening small settlements lying in its
track
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1888-05-17
THE EAST.

On the Sth Robert @. Hall and David
Vincent were hanged in Philadelphia for
murder.
WILLIAM SHOWERS, seventy years Of age,
under sentence of death in the Jail at Leb-
anon, Pa, for the murder of his two grand
children, made his escape on the Sth.
NEw HAMPSHIRE Republicans met at Con-
cord on the 9Th and selected National dele
gates who 60 to Chicago uninstructed. The
platform denounccs the Administration at
Washington for its tariff policy, its pension
policy, and its 'pretensc" Of Civil Service
reform, and denounces the Democratic
party for identifying itself with tho inter
ests of the liquor dealers throughout the
country.
On the sth the Delaware Democrats con
vened at Dover and elected delegate to the
National convention. The platform favors
Mills Tariff bill.
REPUBLICANS Of New Jersey met on the
9th at Trenton and selected Senator Sewell,
cx-Congrcssman Brewer. q. A. Halsey and
Senator Griggs as delegates at large to the
National convention. A strong protective
platform was adopted, and the delegates
were instructed to support William Walter
Phelps for President.
MEMORIAL services in respect of the late
Roscoe Conkling arranged for by the New
York Legislature took place in Albany on
the 9th, and q eulogy Of the distinguished
statesman was delivered by Robert g. In
gersoll.
OS the 9th Rev DR.. LYMAN Abbott. of
New York. was called to the pastorate Of
Plymouth Church, in Brooklyn.
OLD employees Of the Reading pa rail.
road who struck and were discharged is
sued circular on the sth asking for help,
saying that they were in extreme want.
GOVERNOR HILL on the 9th vetoed the
High License bill passed by the New York
Legislature.
The Democrats on the 10th nominated
Ozro Meacham for Congress in the First
distric: of Vermont, and George w. Smith
in the Second district.
DEMOCRATS Of Vermont met at Mont
pelier on the 10th and nominated g. c.
Schutleff for Governor. The following del
egates t-large to the National convention
were chosen: ". H. H. Bingham, j. d.
Hanrahan, j. H. Senter and Martin God
dard. The platform indorses President
Cleveland's administration and urges his
reelection.
On the 10th Cashier H. F. Royce, Of the
Willimantic Conn Savings Institute, was
arrested on the charge Of embezzling SIS,
GOO.
NATURAL gas exploded in st. Paul's Epis-
copal Cathedral ut Buffalo, N. Y, on the
10th causing fire which speedily destroyed
the building. The loss was about $50, 900.
Several other explosions also occurred,
creating panic.
CHARLES TURNER, Pittsburgh (Pa.)
merchant, shot his wife dead and then
killed himself on the 10th in fit Of jealousy.
THE Legislature of New York adjourned
size die on the 1lth.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1888-05-17

ALL tho horrors of state of siege
are being experienced by the inhab-
itants of the island of Cuba Under
the proclamation of Captain-Gcncral
Marin the military are superior to al!
law. and innocent persons have been
shot by the troops, while large numbers
have been imprisoned on the mere sus-
picion of completely in the bandit out
RACES. Planters Of the interior dis
tricts were fleeing to Havana and
Matanzasto save their lives. Appeals
had been made TO Spain to restore to
the people their constitutional rights
and privileges.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1888-05-17
FROM WASHINGTON.

PRESIDENT CLEVELAND on the 9th nomi-
mated Robert B. Roosevelt, of New York,
to be Minister resident to the Netherlands,
aud Lawson " Moore, Of Texas, to be
Consul at Lyons. France.
THERE were 1872 business failures in the
United States during the seven days ended
on the 1lth, against l5S the previous seven
days.
The Senate Committee on Privileges and
Elections on the 1lth decided that Senator
Turpic, Of Indiana, was entitled to his seat.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1888-05-17
To . ucceed Beecl,er.

NEW YORK, May l0.-It has been practi-
cally settled that Rev, DIR. Lymann Abbott,
who has been temporarily in charge Of
Plymouth Church. will become the perma.
nent pastor. At joint meeting Of the nd
yisers committee and the officers Of the
church and society, held at the house Of
John Chaplin, in Pierrespont avenue
Tuesday night. resolution was unani-
mously adopted declaring it advisable for
the church and society to issue u call to
nr hhatt
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1888-05-17

The total mileage Of natural gas
pipes in the United States is not far
from 1850 miles. not including small
pipes for individual use. One-fifth OF
this quantity is laid in the city OF
Pittsburgh. The gas wells of Pennsyl-
yania produce fifteen million cubic feet
aday. High and low pressure wells are
also found in Indiana, Illinois. Michi-
gan. Ohio and Kansas. The total con-
sumption of gas for 1887, as estimated
by coal displacement. was equivalent
to ten million tons of coal. The value
of this coal was calculated ut about
SIS. 500. 600
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1888-05-17
DROWNED BY A CLOUD-BURST.
A Kansas Family Carried Into the Arkan-
SAs River bY q Fearful Flood.

"A kansas Family Carried Into the Arkan-
sas River by Fearful Flood.
WICHITA, Kan, May s.-A fearful cloud
burst is reported to have taken place near
Maize, about fifteen miles west of Wichita
at o'clock Sunday morning. An eye wit.
ness describes the rain as coming down in
torrents, washing away number of
houses and moving others from founda-
tions. A house in which a family named
Rockby lived was picked up by the floods
and carried into the Arkansas river,
where it sank, drowning Rockby, his
wife and two children. A number
of narrow escapes are reported. The We
ter from the cloud seemed to come straight
down, and could not have been thicker
had it found it's source from lake in
the air. The bodies of the Rockby family
have not been recovered and probably
will never be, as body once in
the Arkansas is seldom recovered, as the
clothing is soon filed with the constantly
drifting sand. The scenes at the time of
the catastrophe were awful, and the amount
of damage will be very large. \ great many
head Of horses and cattle were also
drowned.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1888-05-17

A SIN DAYS. walking match ended at New
York on the 18th, and was won by Little
wood, with score Of Gil IN le.
THE Wisconsin Supreme Court on the 18th
decided that q saloon eeper who sells liq-
nor on Sunday 10 not guilty OF maintaining
q nuisance.
The Democratic members of the ways
and means committee on the 19th decided
to consent to an extension of the debs on
the Mills tariff, which was to have closed on
the 10th, to the 10th.
In the race for the championship the fol-
lowing ba Q tall clubs were in the lead at
t e clos Of the games p aged ON the 18th:
Ma, ional League, Chicago; Western Asso-
citation, Omaha; American Association.
Cincinnati
CoURr COMMISSIONER rYAN at Milwaukee
o the 18th dec ded that Paul Grottkau, tho
notorious social st, wi have to serve year
in house OF correction for inci,ing riot
Grottkau was sentenced May, 1887, but his
case was appealed AMI delayed 20
that he was not committed until
April 5, and his attorneys held that
his term of ru ishment commenced ON the
day OF sentence, but tn, court decided
othe wise.
ZEPHYR DAVIS (colorei) was hung at Chi
cago ON the 18th for the murder, in Febru-
ary last, OF white girl named Maggie
Gausan. Davis was hung on the same gal
lows on which the anarchists were swung
of. AMI 3 the first colored person executr
ed in ook cou ty.
ELEVEN business HOUSES at Blunt, Oak,
were destroyed by fire on the lat,. The
loss was est.mat d at $4,000.
OK the 18th, NJ. McG Dana, pastor Of
Plymouth Congregational Z urch. St Paul.
rendered his resignation. DIR. Dana was
president OF the State Board Of Corrections
and Charities.
AT Ishpeming, Mich, on the l2th, in the
Cleveland mine, tram car loaded vita
ore was car.lessly dumped into a haft,
ki ling Au :ust rurnauist and seriously in
juring E. J. Stay.
MRS. IpA A. JORDAN, OF indianapolis, Ind.
on tn, l2th administered fatal d 80 o.
poison to her four year old child aud then
cut her own throat with q razor.
On the lath, the levee of the Mississpp;
south Of Alexandria, Mo-, broke in severa,
pla ss, and the town was completely inun
dated. The river Is now fully sev miles
wide at that point, AMI the damage to stool
and Residences In not to be calcul .ted.
On the 13tl the Disston saw works, o,
Tacony, Pa, W re destroyed ty Ere caus
inu n loss of SA0 CO0 and thru uinu naarl,
1900 men out Of employment.
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1888-05-17

THE "opsiomtcr" is Il new instru-
ment for testing the eye-sight. Itcon-
sists of II mahogany case with two
front eycholes. behind which are two
travelling bands mounted on rollers.
Those bands have holes in which diff
ferent lenses are fitted. and the person
whose sight is to be tested looks
through the holes and lenses at printed
matter behind
The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1888-05-17

DR. EVERETT WAGNER. living near
Elmonton. KY, las made Il will. be-
queathing portions of his body to near
relatives. His right hand and arm
goes to one BROTHER his left hand and
arm to another. and the dissecting SUR
geon is authorized to accommodate
other persons who may ask for these
CHASTITY souvenirs of the doctor. His
estate. valued at $4,000. is given to
various charities.