Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-02-23

- WIZ NC 4OHe, DeiOIo l16 NdIIOual
air will be Yankee Doodle. "-BstfaIo
Times.
Somehow men really seem to enjoy
it when their tailors give them fits
Detroit Free Press.
1t is no great credit to the worm to
turn when stepped upon 4 barrel
hoop will do the same thing-Puck
Getting up with the son is COM
| mon practice where there is a teething
boy baby in the family.-Detroit Free
Press.
Between gourmets: 81 never met
such a blackguard. Only think, he
took Chambertin with his fishr'-ToaUn
Topics.
At the club: Moonkalf- What an
Internal fool Dunkey is. Sneerwell-
He must be for you to find it out
Ioacn Topics.
And Smithkins plays in the band?
Why, he couldn't blow hot potato"
That's what he does; he blows the
tuba. Ttd-Bits.
The mysteries of anagrams are
many, but who would suppose that
lone hug" would be found "enough?"
-JeUish Messenger.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox advises women
not to wash tn 7 faces. The next
thing we know Mrs. Wilcox will join
the Anarchs band."-LJe.
The woman who married her hus-
band for money never complains that
he doesn't kiss her as much as he did
before the wedding took place.-Pucb.
Strange chap, that Softsawder.
I've never been able to find him out"
''Let him owe you some money and
you'll never be able to find him in
Toao1 Topics.
Mother-''W why, Willie, you can't
possibly eat another plate of pudding,
can you? Willie-"O, yes, ma. can.
One more plate will just fill the Bill"
Teras SyJtngs.
"What l can't understand is how he
came to marry the girl at all. Why.
she hasn't a spoonful of senser 'Ahi
dear boy, but she has cart full of dol
lars. - Town Topics.
Nine. Gerster's voice has failed, to
the sorrow alike of her friends and the
III dSiC-lOf IIS PuOIIG' NSAolCL SuOuIu
turn Anarchist; they never lose their
voices. Philadelphia Inquirer.
We have always understood the feel
ings of the school boy who said that
Saturday would be much more salts
factory and filing if it only came after
Sunday instead of before. Pack.
Sir" he said, as he handed the
youth tract, 'sare you a young man
of Faith" Eyes, sir" the young man
replied, Il eat a Third avenue table
d'hote dinner every night. Life.
Wife Geproachfully)-H can you
come home in such condition, John,
when only last week you signed the
pledge? Husband-I know it (hic),
m'dear, butts easily 'nough t sign nuz-
zcr.-LJf6.
Miss Clara-I think young Mr..
Waldo is so original, and SO pleasant,
too. He paid me some very pretty
compliments. Miss Ethel-Did he,
indeed? Why, he must be original
NeaC York. Sun.
Haydn wrote 125 symphonies; Wag-
ner wrote only one. Yet there are
many people who would rather hear
all OF Hayn's than all of Wagners at a
single sitting. This isn't a joke; it's
fact. "-Puck.
4 Yankee captain was caught in the
jaws of whale, but was finally res
cued, badly wounded. On being asked
what he thought while in that position,
be replied L thought he would make
about forty barrels. "-E1.
Customer Gin restauran) --'.Waiter,
these are very small oysters for the
price" Waiter-ssYes, sab" ''And
they don't look very nice, either"
Den dey is all de bettah, sab, for
bcin' small. "-TeGas Sittings.
Many good mans reputation would
be forever blasted if a shorthand
writer should chance to be around just
when he had discovered in the dark
that somebody had left pail standing
half way down the cellar steps.-Son:-
GRILLE J0aIrnGl
Prisoner, did you kill this boyP"
Il did, your Honor; I cut his throat.
He shot me in the ear with rubber
sling, and" The prisoner is dis
charged, and the sheriff will give him
back his knife and tell the janitor to |
sharpen it for him. "-BaWdette.
This is not society item. Mrs |
Maguffin gave a dinner the other day
to John Bergenthump. Mr.. B. en-
ioyed the meal immensely, and after
wards split cord of wood for Mrs. |
Maguffin. It was one of the most |
recherche affairs of the season. It'd |
Bits
Worthy clergyman to small boy |
with a cigar in his mouth-My son, |
am afraid that you are inclined to de-
viate from the path of rectitude. |
Wicked victim to his companions on |
the corner-Come here, fellers; quick! |
Here's dictionary broke loose.--B@r-
lingtop Free Press.
Editor (chuckling) Funny, isn't FTP
Contributor-Y-a-s. l thought you'd |
like it. Editor-Like it? What makes |
you think l like it? Contributor (per-
-Why-why-you laughed my |
dear sir. Editor-Um-did |? Yes.
Well, it is funny you should think that |
thing joke.-IFd-bits.
Miss Skeen-''Where did you grad |
uate from, Mr.. CLIP" Mr.. Gill |
From the school of pharmacy" Miss |
Skeen with surprise) els it possible? |
What strange choice for a young |
man brought up in the city!--but, if | |
remember rightly, your grandfather |
was a farmer. too. '-Judge.
A miser, troubled with heart disease,
finally decided to call a physician. |