The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-02-24
BRIGHT BITS.

How true it is that we never know what the
future and the merchant who never advertises
have in store.-Puck.
as your father Christian" asked the new
minister
NO, replied the boy, ''he sings in the Choir. "
Brooklyn Eagle.
LECTURERS WIFE-Well, John, back from
your lecture trip at last. Did you carry your
audiences with your
Lecturer-No but could have done so. They
were small enough.-IerdS Sgttn0S.
Mr.. AGILE Ito Mr.. Stoutman, after hard run
for horse CARLY jove! old boy, thought
you were too lazy to run like that
Mr.. Stoutman 0anguidly)-E Easily explained,
my dear boy, lazineSs runs in our family
Detroit Free Press.
EMPLoYE AT LARD REF1NERY-Mr Allfat, here
is a note from customer up town, who wants
25 pounds of leaf lard in its natural state.
Proprietor (highly indignant)-Tell the blamed
fool nell have to send to the Southern mills.
We don't keep raw cotton seed.-ChicogO
Tribune.
Mr. GRAsPALL TO his bookkeeper)-Willia
how much are we paying James, the office boy?
Bookkeeper-Twod dollars a week, sir.
Mr.. Graspall-And yet | see by this published
report that he has given more to the poor fund
Scoundrell He's getting too big salary. Cut
him down, William, to 81 90 a week.-Chicd9o
Tribune.
He was young attorney, and had fallen out
with his best girl. He called to explain, but she
would not listen to him.
"But my dear Miss Matte" he implored, 81
want to tell you the truth about the matter and
let you judge for yourself"
mo, Mr.. Jimkins,N she said positively, 81
cannot permit it. l wouldn't ask you to do an
impossibility for my sake or anybody s. - Wash
inyton Critic.
BuNco SrEERER to stranger)-Why, how do
you do, Mr.. Sloppenheimer? l am very glad to
see you.
Stranger-But my name is not Sloppenheimer;
Bunco Steerer-What. not the Tuggerly who
was recently mulcted in $4,000 damages in a
breach Of promise CASEY
Stranger-Yes the same.
Bunco Steerer-Ah, then I'll bid you a very
good morning. - Pittsbtrg Chronicle Telegram
A YOUNG LADY who from her accent owed her
origin to the Emerald Isle, walked up to one of
the money order windows In the post office yes
terday and laying down $40 asked that they be
sent to her sister in Belfast Ireland.
"Ah, " asked the clerk, you have made mis-
take. Go to the foreign window. This is the
domestic"
made a'mstake, have IT, was the triumphant
rejoinder. Well, now, that's when have you
out in the cold. ShuTe and I'm a domistic
meself. Philadelphia Call.
THERE'S going to be war in Europe" said
Mr. Meekser as he looked up from his newspa-
per There's a war cloud lowering over the
Mr.. Meekser, said his wife, ''are you going
to get that coal %
Certainly
'tNowy"
''Yes, if you wish it,"
Every we'll; 1 was just going to suggest that
if you wasn't you might telephone down to the
newspaper office to have a war correspondent
here so as not to run any chances of having
garbled account of the affair. Merchant
Traveller.
Sam Johnsing was up again before the re-
corder
what brings you here this timer"
asked his honor
''De p'liceman, sab; de same what brung me
heah last time"
Il mean what did you do ?"
Il was Just passin grocery store when
struck my head agin ham what was hanging
by de dore. TUX de ham down to put it some
where's whar it would be safe from folks Dustin
dar brains out agin 1t, when de fust l knowed a
p'iceman tried TO get de ham away from me-
and becase wouldn't let the ham go he jess
brung me along, too.'-Ierds SifttngS.