St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1888-05-17
HEMLOCK GREEN WAKES UP.
ssPerIitekl Partys, Discussed.


My brother Josh is Gurus critter.
He never SEE nothin on polyticks morn
wonts yeer; but wonts in a while he
docs. luther day we woz rollin in a
big sprews log, an Josh gut kinder
swetty, an he sot down on the log, an,
SEE he,
"Hemlock, witch party be you gunter
vote for mex lecshun I"
"By gosh, JOSH" SEE I, "thar Amt
no partys."
An it's jess so. Thar amt no partys.
You jest look at it. A perliterkl party
is whar lot o. men is agreed bout sum
polersy, er likenuff hole grist o. pol
ersys. But we amt so. Now be we
Jest take the Publican party. Sum on
EN- bleeve in keepin the buddy shurt
wavin an sum on EN- wanter fergit
thar ever WOE emmy war twixt the
north and south. Tha pertend to bleeve
in perteckshun but here in Vermont
tina wanter hev mapl shoOgger per-
teckted an let in cain shOOgger free.
Sum on EN- is fer tacklin Ingland evry
time a cod-fs swims acrOst the 3mile
line; an sum on EN- (speshally out
west) amt mulch existed bout Goldfish.
Sum on EN-, out in kaliforny, is fer
sendin all the chynees home again an
sum on EN-, down in York, want ter
git holt of a chynee wosherman. Most
on EN- is agreed on sivil servis refawm,
tibet is, tina want all the demmercrats
tibet Cleavlan has pinted turned out O.
MI
Then thars the demmercrats. Tha
purfess ter bleev in government by
the peepl." Tha don't want no sentra-
lizashun. But how is it heer in Yer
mont2 Haint Atkins gut the hole
pintin powr centralized in hiz own
pockit7 (Cept at Montpeelyer). Tha
bleev in free traid but how is it down
in Loozyanner whar tina raze shoOgger,
an down in Jorgy whar THAR gittin ter
maxim cottn cloth and cast iurn thingsq
Dew the foax down thar (most all dem
mercrats) wanter see the july took off
from cottn cloth an iurn kittlesq Nut
by jugfull! Thare all split up, tew,
on the ole war isshoos. Lots on EN-
fit like tygurs for the Yewnyun with
Grant and Shurman but lots on EN- is
still hangin onter the ole dOcktrin o
stats rites, an reddy ter fife for it tew.
eff tina see emmy chans ter beet.
The Temperance party is jest in the
sprout, so ter speek. [ dunno what
tina may dew yit. Ye cant tell how
loud pig'll skweel till ye pool hiz
tale. But thars won thing about um
tia haint gut but won reel hard wood
plank in THAR platform, an won plank
makes a pooty narrer platform. Ye
recklect the ole no-nothin party in 1871
Tha didn't hev but won plank, an We
no how tina went under. Ye see, a
platform orter be maid outer varus
planks,-won hemlOck plank that a
canderdate Good stan on here in Yer
mont an won sawd outer pich pine
from north Carliny, an won outer
black walnut ter be yused at Sinsin-
natty, an likenuff a plank out Ov a
Michigan pine, an anuther out ov a
Californy redwood, an so on. But, ye
see, when the temprunce canderdate
begins tew beg votes up here in Yer
mont, stannin on hiz won mapl plank,
the ole farmers'll pool the barrel out
from under won end O. hiz plank an let
i'm down, cos tina like slider an the
paddles down ter Boston I'll dew the
same thing, cos tina like whisky; an
the Ouch farmers out in Pennsilvany
I'll foller suite, cos tina like beer, an so
on.
Yis, its my privit opinyun that the
temprunce party wont never leckt a
presidunt but eff tina suckseed in per-
swadin foax that rum Amt good fer
THAR stummaks an livers, tha'll dew a
good wurk ; an betwixt yew an me, |
alters Civ them temprunce fellers lift
whenever | can without stoppin the
saw.
The lay bur party amt nowhar. Fur
as can find out, it is maid up Ov fOax
that amt wurkin an don't wanter wurk
and the soft mummy party is gOn up.
Now what be we gunter dewP lie
tell ye. Less make new party. Less
call it the Onnest Mans Party. Less
60 for Onnest mummy, onnest votln, on
nest dealin with Ingland, onnest payin
diets, onnest treatin the injuns, niggers
an chynees, Onnest tryin tew redews
the surplus in the treshry without
hurtin Pittsburg or Manchester, an on
nest settlin ov evry kweschun that
Gums up before Congriss. When SIGH
party is startid L shall stump this
part of the deestrick in favor ont with
my best close on, an speshully eff Bob
Linkon is the canderdate, L shall 60
inter the movement like a sirkelar saw
inter Eastwood log.
Onnestly yours,
HEMLOCK GREEN.
Single Mills, VT, May IL, 1888.