The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-12-15
BRIGHT BITS.

YouNs HoUsEKEEpER Ito cook)-what in the
world are you doing to that fish, Mary?
Cook.Washing it, mum, before bake it for
our Christmas table
Wash fish, You silly creature, don't you
know the fish has been in the water all its life
Texas Siftings.
Mes. GABB-What's the matter with my
husbands
Doctor-Nothing except that he needs change.
l prescribe opiates and rest
Shall give him the opiates at once go
20, the opiates are not for him they are for
you. = Philadelphia Record.
VIsIroR-What did you think of the menu
last night, Mrs. Bliss?
Mrs. B.-Why, 1t was all eaten up before got
to the table, and they say the tout ensemble
was a perfect failure-too sweet, l suppose.
That's the worst of trusting everything to the
caitif.-Detroit Free Press.
"YEs, MAJ remarked the small boy, isn't it
funny that everybody calls my little brother a
bouncing baby"
Why do you think it is funny. William: ?" re-
turned his mother.
Because, when dropped him on the floor
this morning he didn't bounce bit "-Chicago
News.
THE Pail Mall Gazette says ''the American
girl has no romance" Hash she Wait until
the p. II. g. man sees the American girl hold
ing four seats in crowded railway car and
telling all the inquirers, with face calm and
truthlit as June morning that they are all
enoa oed. " and he will think she is all romance.
-Burdstte.
JAGLEY-Hello, Braggs what makes you look
so glum this morningf
Braggs-You know that $40 wonI
Jagley-Yes
Braggs-Well, took it home and hid it in an
old stove
Jagley-And the hired girl burned it up?
Braggs-No; my wife found it.-Terre Haute
Express.
A GOOD STORY is told of Rosenthal, the pianist
Silote, one of LISTS favorte pupils,>' sent
Rosenthal note announcing the birth of his
first DAUGHTER, addiDg: She is already four
weeks old, but cannot play the piano. Remark
able. isn't it?''
Nothing at all remarkable about that" Ro-
seminal replied. You are SO and can'tsplay
either. 49, e,oish Messenger.
THE BraGER HALF-'Booby g" said his
| mother, "did you give half of the orange TO
| your little sister,"
"Oh. yes, ma, gave her more than that, re-
| piled BOBBY, with generous air.
Ibid you, indeed, Bobby? Why. that was very
| nice of you"
"Yes, ma, sucked the juice out and gave her
| all the rest. "-Ne,o York sun.
'You have gone too far, John Smith, said
| Mrs. John Smith, tapping the parlor floor.
| You have treated me outrageously.''
What will you dor" sneered the callous hus
| ban1.
Il shall tell mother as soon as she comes
| home"
The wretched man bowed his head in his
| hands and murmured: Got both feet in this
| time. "-NeU York sun.
A GREAT INDUCEMENr.-Miss Brown-Why,
| what's the matter, Mr.. Paulus, you look ia
tigued-hard work?
Mr.. Paulus-No. not that exac .ly; but went
| to church three times last Sunday-at different
cburches-and twas the same old thing at all
three.
Miss Brown-why don't you come over TO our
| church? We have good music, comfortable
| pews, and not one word about Robert Els
mere. Life.
FORGOTTEN DAYs-"Pa." inquired Bobby
whats the meaning of pIuribus unum?"
'Oh, it'sa Latin phrase, Bobby. 1 used to
know when was at college, but a man is apt to
forget most that he learned at college when he
gets to be as old as am"
just then procession of college students
passed the door shouting vociferously, 'Rah,
Rah, Rah!" Tiger, yelled the old man, and he
broke both sIlspenders before ..he reached the
gate,-NeU York sun