The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1888-11-03
SOME POINTS ON THE MILLS BILL.

Wood unmanufactured. and wives who
have been divorced from their husbands
are exempted from further duty.
The duty is taken off beeswax, though
bees themselves will continue to be pro-
tected as usual, by their stingers.
Steel sheets come in free, though If you
steal sheets off the line and are caught at
it tax will be imposed. Washerwomen
who iron sheets are clamoring for tariff
on Chinese importations, which they
ought to have.
There is no duty on plaster of Paris
when you wear the plaster for weak
back, or wear it for two weeks back,
either.
Castor oil pays forty cents a gallon,
though you may have to pay your boy
dollar for every spoonful he takes.
Bicarbonste of soda pays three-fourths
of one cent pound, which will not make
much difference, except for those who
are compelled to bicarbonate in large
quantities.
Many medical preparations pay twenty
per centum ad valorem. You may rely
on the druggist to ad valorem should the
custom house neglect to do so, and you
will be lucky if he doesn't add 200 per
cent. besides.
ANY slaves overlooked by Lincoln's
Emancipation Proclamation will come in
free under the provisions of the Mills
Bill.
Mustard comes in at six cents pound.
1t will receive honorable mention when
mustard out, according to its strength
and services.
Tramps and anarchists will be inter
ested to know that soap is on the free
| list.
Rags come in free, but the foreign
paupers who come in them will have to
settle with the Castle Garden ring.
There is no duty on vegetables in their
natural state, whether that state be Mas
saohusetts or Texas.
Needles come in free-rather too free
| considering the number of women who
have made pin-cushings of themselves.
A tax on the needles that are at this mo-
ment meandering about in human flesh
| trying to find an outlet, would produce
| considerable revenue In itself.
Manufacturers of pure ground coffee
will be interested to know that there is
no duty on chicory or dandelion root.
The tax on razors will be thirty-fve per
cent, Notwithstanding the efforts of our
BARRIERS to shave 1t down.
Raw human hair comes duty free, but
when it is cooked with hash it will tax a
man severely.
Lead in pigs, lead in bars and led by
the nose, two and one-fourth cents per
pound.
Hollow ware, including telephones, two
and one-half cents per pound. You can
import hollow cough for nothing.
Dogs cannot be imported free. What
the charge is per pound depends on where
the pound is located.
Dates are free, SO that woman past
thirty can tell the date of her birth or
not, just as she pleases.
Dyeing material, except doctors drugs,
free.
You don't have to enti money when you
import antimony.
Walking sticks can be brought from the
other side for twenty per cent. Sticks
who carry them come In free.
The duty on brooms is twenty per cent,
and hen pecked husbands will wish it
was advanced to point that was pro-
hibitory.
A foreign blanket must pay forty per
cent, blank It'll
Wives are disposed to complain be-
cause "hubs'' are free.
German looking glass plate is duty free.
German looking lasses will be glad of
this.
Paris green, twelve and one-half per
cent, though if you go to Paris green it
will cost you more than that before you
get away.
If you are protected by foreign UNI
brella it will be thirty per cent.
Lead pigs two and one-fourth per cent,
though a man who has ever led pigs
would consider that altogether too low,
Copper clippings, one cent a pound.
Newspaper clippings are gauged by the
price of old paper.
Watches, twenty-five per cent, except
the Watch on the Rhine, which couldn't
be imported at any price.
Little boys are expected to kick because
shingles are on the free list.
Ready-made clothing pays forty-f
per cent. This won't make any difference
to the man who cheats the tailor.
Paper hangings, twenty-five per cent
But there won't be any hangings in New
York after this year, not even on paper.
Tar is free, and in sections where lynch
law prevails feathers will be thrown in
free, also.
H'any of our readers desire further ex-
PLANTATION of the Mills Bill we will &C.
commodate them when q stamped enve-
iope is inclosed. We would furnish en-
velopes ourselves, but there is duty OF
twenty-five per cent on them.
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