Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1888-09-14

Thou hadst the peace, and the undying pain.
Philip Bourke Marston.
THAT SMOKED SALMON.
zone day when was living at Concord,
Mass. ;" says Mr. Sol Smith Russell, II started
AWAY from the house to catch the 1O:15 train
for Boston. was somewhat stinted for time,
because if I didn't catch the 1915 train
couldn't get another train for Boston until
p:2S in the afternoon. It was now l0:03
Just as stood on the front stoop heard my
wife calling to me. What is it, Allie? says
[, 4 wish you would drop into Ba1ter's,'
says she, 'and ask him to send up some
smoked salmon for tea 'Of course I WILL
savs I, for if there is one Wand that prize
above another it is smoked salmon. love to
eat smoked salmon for tea, and then do
business with the water pitcher for the rest
of the night.
ssBaxter kept store in a brown stone
building at the corner of Emerson avenue
and Amity street. 1t was long, low build
ing, the store being on the first hoor, while
In the second story was sort of public hall
for rent to peripatetic negro minstrel troupes,
Jubilee singers and transcendental debating
societies. Baxter's store was what is called
general store-so called, presumably, because
it is generally out of what you want. Baxter
professed to keep everything needful, from
bolt cotton down to patent clothes pins, and
from wintergreen lozenges up to real ostrlcn
feather fans, Baxter himself was typical
Yankee-tall, hul1ing, lantern jawed and
parrulous. He was so thrifty that he had his
clothes made at home, and his wife always
cut his hair He was SO thrifty that II he
had been wrecked on a desert island, he
would have SWAN ashore in two weeks with
his pockets full of $40 gold pieces. When
fellow got through dealing with Baxter ne
felt pretty much as if he'd been run through
sieve.
ssWell, when walked into the store thai
morning, was, as l have said, in consider
able of q hurry. had made up my mind to
order the smoked salmon and get to my train
lust as fast as 1 could. There was nobody in
the front part of the store, SO walked back
a WAYS. Mr., Baxter was mailing Goldfish to
board.
"sOh, good mornin', Mister RUSSELL says
he. We've got anuther Nv them fine morn
ms this mornin'. Does beat all what fine
weather we've been havin' this summer
Wuz tellin' my wife yesterday that l hadn't
known such weather in thirty years-not
sense the Lyman boys wuz drownded in the
East river Always knew they'd come to
sone bad end, but they'd never have drownded
If they'd stuck to the regular swimmin' hole.
Some folks is never willin' to let well enough
alone, but has to be flynn in the face Nv
Providence, which is not only foolish, but
wicked
"sYes, that is true, Mr.. Baxter says /;
but have YOU any smoked salmon today!'
Smoked salmon? he repeated thought
fully. Smoked sahmona Why, yes, l Gale late
we can accommodate ye. Let me see-where
did put that smoked sahmona Ought to be
on the shelf next to the calico prints, but
don't seem to be there. Always make it q
rule to have q place for everything, and to
keep everything in its place; then l know
lust where to put my hands on it in minnit.
tell you, Mister Russell, there's nuthin' like
order-I don't care whether mans runnin'
a store or race track-nuthin' like order.
Mother taught me that lesson when wuz a
boy up in New Hampshire. guess she wuz,
perhaps. the smartest woman that ever lived;
| somehow or other wimmin nowadays haven't
got the faculty she had-you don't get nc
such doughnuts and pies nowadays that you
| used to get when my mother wuz Hvin'.
Waal, now, it's funny can't lay my hands
| on that smoked sahmoni Likely as not that
| bow Reuben hez hid it away somewhere
| Never did see such shiftless boy In all my
| born days; don't do no good to talk to him
| he keeps right on with his Jim Crow bust
| ness lust the same. Miss Perkins-one of the
| Perkins sisters-livesd down next to the Hobart
| place-wuz in here t'other day an ordered
an ounce Nv cloves to take to choir meetin'
darned if that fool boy didn't do up papel
Nv tacks f'r her. That evenin' bout o'clocl
Lem Higgins, the bass singer, come runntn
J down the road FIR Doc Smith. 'Sakes alive
Lem SEE the Doc, what ais your Their
| amt nothin' the matter with me- SEE Lem
but Miss Perkins is havin' fits up to tn
| meetin' house, Jest wait minnit, till 81
| my medicine chest says the Doc. we dom
want no medicine says Lem. EFF we're goin
to save her life, all we need is perfeshiona
skill an a tack hammer
CHOW, this was all very amusing, but
had nothing to do with smoked salmon, no
did it facilitate my catching the 1918 trail
for Boston.
"'Mr. Baxter says I, I'm sorry yo'
haven't any smoked salmon
"'Hold on minnit,' says he, interruptinl
me; 'I'll find out where Reuben put it, An
then he called, 'Reubenr 'Reubenr severa
times in a shrill, rasping voice, and woun
up with Col durn your picter, why don
you answer when / call yen
"'Yes, SIR says Reuben at last, from fa
corner in the back end Of the store.
"'Where did you put that ERE smoke
sahmong
&C sTbo oolyod cahnnonV -
"'Yes, sir, the smoked sahmonv
"sWhy, there amt none -.
aye don't mean to say that we've run on
Of smoked salmon! Does beat ali that
never kin learn that boy nuthin'. Told hir
lime an again, when he saw we wuz runnir
out Nv anything, he must let me know, soze
cu,d order some moro from Bost'n. Waa
meow, darned if I amt sorry, Mr.. Russell
FIR I know jest how disappointed folks
when they make up their minds FIR smoke
salmon an can't get any. It's jest lik
tearin' the heart out Or losin' a favorite CO
or havin' some other great, crushin' so
rer. Why, recollect that at one time oil
| SQUIRE Holbrook come in the stol
and seq he, "Hiram"-he wuz ono {
the selectmen, an he always called me II
, ram-"Hiram," sez he, "hev you got an
dried beefg" esquire Holbrock," SEE !, "w
hev run out of dried beef, but I kin let 20
hev some damask towelin' at a surprisin' To-
fgger." "No, Hiram" SEE he, kinder sadl.
''no towelin' today. had got my heart Sol
NV sot on dried beef" He moved off like
/ wuz in a dream, an next mornin' he WI
found dead in his bed. Doc Smith said
: hear disease but / hev always snsn
cloned that his heart wuzn't SO much di
eased as it wuz broke
"Then Baxter entered upon diffuse BIZ
graphical sketch of Squire Holbrook, an
when he had got along down to about til
ffty-second year of the squire's mundane c.
reer, he was minded of the squire's ha
brother, Israel Warner. then learned thu
Baxter was intimately acquainted with tt
minute details of Israers life, from the tin
he ran away to sea up to the naturally subs
quent date of his suffering death at the hant
of Fiji cannibals. 1t seems that Israel vi
tied pretty nearly every foreign country u
der the sun, swapping glass beads and map
sugar for ivory and diamonds He WI
wrecked five times, was thrice captured
pirates, and once, when swimming in Il
Indian ocean, he had seven hour hand
hand encounter with shark ten feet lon
80 sk.-A .-~>