Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1888-09-07
HUMOROUS.
n the swim The shark.

A slip OF the pon-A youuq pig
A pretty hard rub "A Turkish bath
A man Of small calibor is the greatest
bore.
A beastly jana dcraiIoi circu,
train.
Fresh inn-foImation Building new
hotel,
Fires in dental off 6 arc ofttm.s ac.
cidoutal.
The college students now lern thcir
lessons oar and oar.
When barge meets barge then comes
the tug OF commerce.
The retired pianist and the retired
minister are all cXpoundcrs.
When the baker makes his morning
rouadl the roll call is in order
Its enough if you have passing ac,
quaintanco with railroad man.
Cats are the poets of tho lower ami
maIs-they alone cultivate tho mcws.
Tho most confirmed old salt on tho
sea may be too fresh when he gets
ashore.
Most sea captains are called 'jolly
old salts" but somo of them are rather
peppery.
The condemned murdorer's voice is
tremulous aud husky, simply because he
cannot clear ms throat.
I'VE rieAefl-her in ~ stinds Of verses.
I've Kissed ner T5rissea 70, stadlss,.r
As high as the caves of my office
But never have kissed her in fact.
Man is in his best condition for labor
when he is fresh from rest, but the
wagon wheel is in its best condition
when it is tired.
A Georgia man cured himself Of dys-
pepsia by swallowing a mouthful OF
bran after each meal. This is bran
new remedy, sure.
johnny Dump3oy-P', can you tell
me what MDCCCLXNXVI, on that
building mean2 Mr.. Dumpscy-WcH,
about all I can make out Of it johnny, is
'NIodical College"
On their wedding trip-Scenc, rail
road restaurant. She Oh dear!
wish we had a hammer to crack this pic
crust. Ie-Wait moment, my love.
l will buy sandwich.
First Lady Have you any hired
help now2 Second Lady-Woll, half
and half, say. First Lady don't ua-
derstand, quite. Second LaIy-Why
you see, it is hired, but it is no help.
GLOW well l remember" said Dunn
Icy, as he proudly 1eu-ished a sword,
'fho first time ever drew that once
shining blade" "Wh2ro did you draw
it2" inquired Fsathorly. 'At ar fll3."
Johnny, you mustn't play
with Willie Brown any more john
uy-Why not, mamma? Mother-Bc-
cause he IS bad little by. johnny
Well, mamma, l ain't SO good myselt
that you ought to be kickin'.
When tho first Napoleon, having
abandoned Moscow arrived at tho
ferry on the River Nicmon, he asked
the forryman, who did not know him,
if many French dcsertor3 had crossed
over. "No," was tho reply, you arc
the first"
There is no more 1ourishing bust
ness ia the world than mine, sail the
life insurance agent to his intended VIC
tim. Yes" said the victim calmly.
81 see you keep fl ulishing 0oth hands
all the time; but my dear young friend,
that docsn' t convince me.
Widow Harifaro Candlady) My
husband used to say, poor man, that he
always felt better for it if he got up
from table just a little hungry. Sar.
castle boarder (only week behind with
his board and consequently indepen-
len0-I s'poso, Mrs. IIardfaro, that
your hus band felt good pretty much ali
the time.
"Why can't they make these dunn
mics moro Hlelikc" said a facetious
chap hating with friend il front Of
a clothing store and sIapping a figure a
vigorous blow on the check. The
dummy turned suddenly, let fly his
left, and knocked the facotiou' chap off
his pins. The lat:er concluded that the
dummy was a little too lifelike,
Fond Parent-Take her, Augustus,
take her, and may you be happy. Yet,
it is sad-very sad-for father TO see
his little ones bud into beauty, and
when he loves them most leave him.
Aahl Augustus-Really, sir didn't
think you'd feel it 50 much Still, we
can relieve your aching heart. Tell
y u what well do-w9'Il come aud 1.-Two
!, nom