Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1888-01-16

| would treat me as one VINO 5 DIS young DIS
Puck.
| Maud asks: Chow can / get white
hands?' Make bread, Maud
The latest society game is progressive
angling" 1t is said to be very catching.
The man who is welded to art" gen
orally lets his relatives support the fami-
ly.
The bride never disposes of such du-
plicate wedding presents as thousand
dollar checks.
A Kentucky jury has acquitted a man
named Pendulum of murder, and so he
won't swing.
poet sings ''Two Chords l Struck. y
Perhaps he struck because he was too lazy
to saw them.
! When a girl gets to be twenty-five or
more, it's just as well not to give her any
birthday presents.
! Marriage certificates with divorce cou-
pons are being introduced in Chicago and
are becoming very popular.
Mr.. Whittier is living proof that a
man may write poetry aud yet retain the
esteem of his fellow citizens.
1t is asserted that among the gum
chewing Vassar girls no young man
can be popular who is not spruce
Omaha has paper called Hoof and
Horn. 1t will endeavor to take the hide
off his esteemed contemporaries.
A country paper contains the follow
ing satisfactory announcement: ga num-
ber of deaths are unavoidably postponed"
A Southern paper says that a young
widow of that place has just celebrated
her wooden wedding by marrying block
head.
Husband (dressing); Where in the
world are my boots, my dear? Wife: On
the mantelpiece, where you left them last
night.
In the Alps: Guide-''If the ladies will
only stop talking, your honor may hear
the roaring of the waterfall across the
valley"
good thing when he sees it, and another
thing for him to seize good thing when
he knows it.
DIR. Koch says the cholera germ is in
the form of comma. When it lays hold
of a man. however, it is generally found
to be full stop.
''What was Mrs. Modus dressed in,
George?" ooh, she had kind of mauve
blue arrangement over a portiere of plush
colored thingumbob."
A western anarchist on hearing that
man is ninety per cent water went into
a room and blew his brains out. He could
not stand the disgrace.
1t has been discovered that the Irish
tenants do not pay any quicker when
charged by the police than when charged
by the landlolds.
Russia has placed tax of one kopeck
each on every egg sold in the kingdom,
and hens kopecking around with every
mark of dissatisfaction.
Philosophers tell US that we should
know one thing well Among the medi-
cal fraternity, however, it pays better to
know many things ill.
After while it may occur to the French
Government to do away with the Legion
of Honor decorations, and do what dec
Grating is necessary with red paint.
'sIts an i'll wind that blows nobody
good,". said the Christmas goose, as
cyclone whirled him from under the farm
ers uplifted hatchet into the next county.
New England people are noted for the
habit of fine sarcasm that distinguishes
their speech. They acquire it in talking
pleasantly to each other about the wealth
er.
First Arcola man-What is your opin-
ion of anarchy? Second Arcola man-It's
just the thing. I'm baseball player land
rub myself with it every night to take out
the soreness.
81 can not say yes, Walter. shall al
ways be a sis ''Sister to me! No you
won't" ''Yes, Waiter. Your brother
Charles proposed to me last night and l
accepted 0lm.
Father-"Come, Bobby,you are all tired
out; so hurry off to bed" Bobby with
slow and reluctant movement)- PA, you
oughtnt to tell boy to hurry up when
he's all tired OUT
Some one comes forward with the the
ory that cigarette smoking tends to a
softening of the brain. This is not ex-
actly right but softening of the brain
tends to cigarette smoking.
! teacher writes '.What will you
charge to publish an advertisement for a
nigh school four inches long?" high
school four inches long must be such
curiosity that people will go and see it
without any advertising.
ssWhen you are tired" said one young
man to another, ':do you ever lose COM
mand of words and ideas?" NO" said
the other young man. Il can't say that
do but have felt that way something's
when ! got home very late at night.
THE VERDICT UNANIMOUS.
W D. Suit, Druggist. Bippus, Ind, testifes: 81
| can recommend Electric Bitters as the very best
remedy Every bottle sold has given relief in every
case. One man took ix bottles, and was cured of
| Rheumatism nf 10 years' ssanding.,s Abraham
Hare, druggist, Bellyflle Ohio atiirms; sThe best
/ selling medicine | have ever handled in nv 20