Charlotte messenger. [volume] (Charlotte, Mecklenburg Co., N.C.) 1882-18??, 1888-03-17
HIs NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.,

~ NA
HIS RECOMMENDATIONS.
Jones-Hello, Bill! hear you have
/ position with my friends, Skinner &
Co..
Bill-Oh, yes; I have position as col
lector there.
Jones-Thats first-rate. Who recon-
mended you9
Bill-Oh, nobody. I told them that
I oncA collected bill from you, and
they [ 'antly gave me the place.
Judge.
ANOTHER VICTIM.
Hall Boy-Did you ring, sir2
Uncle Elisha (who blew out his gas
fifteen minutes before)-I din't do nothin
else. I wish t. you'd look inter tn
room mex ter this, an tell tn duffel
that's smokin' cabbage-leaf cigars to pull
on my pipe till git ter sleep. He's
more n welcome!-Puck.
SIT is pretty blue up at the house,
said Mr.. Twimsy, mournfully. "I'va
got q cold, my wife's got a cold, baby's
got the measles, and my eldest daughters
got piano. Which is the warmest park
to sleep in?"
"Gladys, dear" he murmured, 81 love
you madly, devotedly. Will you be
mine r.
ooh, George" she stammered, ''this
is so sudden, SO unexpected. II"
"Chestnuts |" he muttered under his
breath, but she heard him.
eyes, it is" she said, ''and you many
give the bell ring" as she held out her
hand.
He did. 1t was a solitaire.
THE YOUNG MAN STAYED LATE.
"Lodemia," called out the clear, cold
voice of Mr.. Jarvis from the head of the
stairway, "has that young man gone
YETI"
Deep silence in the parlor.
"If he has not" continued the cold,
clear voice, twill you have the kindness
to remind him that it is our custom to
have family prayers half an hour before
breakfast 2"
THROW IT.
One day Ernest had been seriously
lectured by his mother, and finally sent
to the yard to find switch with which
he was to be punished. He returned
soon, and said:
81 couldn't find any switch, mamma;
but here's stone you can throw at me.
-Harper's Magazine.
AS THE TwIG IS BENT.
900 title totsy wotsy, PEGS 90 bettah
dit down on the 70 an 'et mamma
wuk."
"Flo'nce, wha's de use raisin de baby
wild SIGH baby talke2 Does you wan de
chile ter talk like dat when he's a crowd
up manl An he will 4 you dress him
in dat fashion. Why doan yo' say, is
OBJ de pinion yo' bettah set on the flo
while yo' moddah pufoms her duties, an
hab it grow up an speak good English
while you's bout its"-HaTper's BdsGr.
THE SALON.
Miss Petroleum (sighing, and laying
down her book of memories). oh, ma,
why can't we keep salon like Madame
Recamier2
Mrs. Petroleum. -Why, so we can,
dear, for l guess your pa has got the
money to run as big saloon as any Of
them foreigners; amt yer, pal
Mr.. Petroleum (growling from behind
the big chair).-I dun know. Better
ask Jack; he can give yer more points on
saloons than can.
A REASON FOR ALL THINGS.
"Why do you fill up your paper with
such nonsensel" he said to the editor:
"'John Smith, Of Pugville, is in town,
calling on his many friends"
just then the ofice-boy poked his head
In the door and said, "Mr. Smith, Of
Pugville, wants fifty extra papers"
"That's why" explained the astuta
editor.-Harper's Bazaar.
HoPELEssLY SPOILED.
Mrs. Hobson Cat church picnic).-
The lemon pie you SO kindly contribut,
ed, Miss Smith, l find is spoiled.
Miss Smith Tin amazement) Spoiled
Why, my dear Mrs. Dobson, it was made
fresh this morning.
Mrs. Hobson.-Yes; but unfortunately
young Mr.. Sissy sat down on it.
GREAT LODGE MAN.
First st. Paul dame.-Mrs. Grossly.
my husband tells me that Mr.. Grossly
is very popular among the society
gentlemen.
Second st. Paul Dame. Yes, he is.
Il do say it, my husband is q great
lodge man.
'1ndeed."
"Oh, yes, he goes down town TO lodge
about seven o'clock every night and
comes home 10 lodge about the same
time every morning. ST. Paul Globe.