Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1888-11-24
CHUNKS OF SARCASM.

Here is valedictory in which hui
NOR of the grimest sort and glowing
sarcasm are embodied with the touch
of master. 1t is that ofan exchange
on the turning up of its toes to the
daisies. We only have room for ex-
tracts, and would like our readers to
examine them carefully and then
show them to their friends:
Ifanyone feels regret or disappoint-
ment at the untimely end of this
newspaper, let such kindly feelings be
circumscribed by the knowledge that
its editor quit when he had enough.
1t is u custom of newspapers to die
in silence-such a course is more
soothing to the.community that lays
them out-but Interpreters to initiate
the mythical dying swan and sing a
little song while passing in its cheeks,
and hence the gentle tootle of this
aspiring toot. The dying should for
give their enemies. This the paper
does, but its editor, who is still very
much alive to the environment,
makes certain reservations and will
bide his time, waiting for turn in
the long lane, which always comes to
him who waits. We love to heap
Goals of fire on the heads of our ene-
mies-likewise mill brickbats,
Ossa, Pelion and any other debris we
may find lying conveniently loose.
We knew there were about a thous-
and prosperous people In this city who
took from one to five Chicago dailies,
but never help the local press cents
worth. 1t struck us If we could es-
tablish a weekly, large and cheap,
these valuable citizens might SUBJ
scribe for 1t. The scheme didn't work
we never caught shark They are
still swimming around with their
pockets fullofforeign newspapers and
their hearts full of guile. They say
the city papers are worthless, and If
they told the truth would it be Won
der, with such galoots for a constitu-
ency?
"There is no doubt good, indie
pendent weekly paper would meet
with unbounded success in this city,
provided its editor was of sufficient
" frugal mind; horse blankets could be
used by him for shirts gunny sacks
would make nobby and we'll ventila-
ted pants for a man who was built
that way, and an editor too proud to
wear the yellow cover ola sugar-cured
ham on his head has got altogether
too many dudish notions for this Sec
ton. If such a custom as we have
suggested would not make an editor
a conspicuous member of the COM
munity we don't. know what would.
AS for food, it should not be forgot
ten-and would not be in this city
that editors are too delicate to need
much. Buckwheat straw and the best
sawdust may always be had for the
asking, and the editors should not
forget that other goats do not scorn
the red and yellow labels of discarded
tomato cans.
"To those of our christian friends
who contemplate establishing in this
city a journal devoted to telling the
truth and nothing but the truth. we
commend the lines of this, our valedic-
tory. It's full of cold. clammy COB
bets of the virtue they dote on. 1t
will be perceived that truth is mighty
mighty disagreeable to some and
mighty diverting to others. Don't
NEEDLE with it in journalistic way.
we beg of you.
FINALLY, brethren, may grace,
mercy and the somnolent peace which
passeth altogether our understanding
be and abide with you now and for
ever. Finis and Dinnis.p