Western appeal. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1885-18??, 1888-09-01
PuNGENT.P PARAGRAPHS.

In polite circles the word 11drunk''
or Intoxicated is no longer used.
..Overestimated his CAPACITY Is the
proper thing Epoch.
Old gentleman Ito convict hat
Is the most Objectionable feature you
find in prison life, my dear friend. !"
Convict -ssW isitors. IN. T. San.
Look out for number one' is like
the baseless fabric of a dream to q
widow on the qasi vive for a second hus
band. Bling anato,s Republican,.
1t is said that kissing was intro,
duced into England by Rowena There
are lots of fellows who would like to
subscribe SIS for a monumentto RoWena.
Darlington Free Press.
st. Louis man WITNESSING Julius
Caesar )-'.Do you notice, my dear,
with what stately grace Brutus moves
about?o Wife-''Yes, and he is in his
night-gown, too. It's wonderful"
IL notice. remarked Amy, shat
the milk shake is making a heap of fuss
now Eyes, y replied the High School
girl, "the tactical agitation is RESPONSE
Bile for considerable perturbation. p
Pittsburgh Chronicle.
Some one says that an umbrella
will last much longer if it is placed
with the handle downward to dry. To
preserve it still longer, attach it to
your hody with a long chain and pad
lock. -NOrrist0aun Hern11
1T is not always easy to tell whether
or not woman really means what she
says; but this rule does not apply when
she is expatiating on the accomplish
ments of her baby. She may be mis-
guided, but she is always perfectly
sincere. -Somerville Journal.
Gail the men are not fools, any
how = snapped Mrs. CURLY to her hus-
band during little domestic discus
sion. ''No, my DEAR" replied Mr.. c.,
with true manly politeness. ''No,
there are few bachelors lett as sam
Piles. y Washington Critic.
Did you ever notice how incon-
sistent women are? Nothing touches
them in such a tender spot as the sug-
gestion of antiquity, and yet what do
niae out of ten Of the dear creatures
say when they meet each other on the
street? They say: ''Why it's been an
age since l saw YOUR
Police Protection. Smith How
do you like your new house out in the
suburbsen Jones ttThe only objection
| have to it is that it is so far to the
police station in case of burglars"
.'Why didn't you rent house near a
saloon? You can always find a police
man hanging around there. ''-Feras
Sittimgs. Sau
Mrs. Lenox Hill, Jr. (getting ready
to leave town) -t<Lenox, where shall
hide these silver spoons, in case thieves
break in? DO you think between the
mattresses would be good placer
Mr.. Lenox Hill, Jr. (who knows what
he is talking acknowledgements! Put
them into one of your dress pockets in
the closet, and if a burglar finds that
he deserves the spoons!''-Puck.
1.-THE types" observes Southern
Missouri paper alphabetically, ''made
us allude last week to our esteemed
townsman, Mr.. Polhemus, as villain.
GUS lounger. We wrote versatile law
YER The error was overlooked by oul
proof-reader, a gentleman recently
from Texas, who assures us, in extern
uation of the oversight, that the two
terms mean pretty much the sam,
thing where he came from" .-'.
-Clergymen should be brief aud tt
the point. A Boston clergyman once
had a broad hint to that effect. "W,
would like to have you short when 70,
marry u.s." said a prospective bride
groom, "because we are going West.
elbow soon after the ceremony will yo,
start?" asked the clergyman. "I1
about a week. was the reply. The1
the minister realized he had a reputa
ton as one possessing the gift of con
tinuance. -Harper's Magazine.