The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1888-08-26

A N4ssAR girl, and anyone who has
ever met one and murmured, $50
happy to have met you. Miss Blank, I"
knewswh that means, contributes the
following Essay on Man" She pleads
guilty to pla2 iarism as to the title, and
claims no originality for the ideas; she
mezely alleges they are true: Men
are peculiar: they wear No. 10 boots
and snore. This is what makes it easy
10 recognize man when you see one
Men wear hats they are careful of, and
carry umbrellas they are not careful of;
when not losing them they are always
poking them into somebody's eyes.
Men don't gossip, but they go to their
clubs and talk over the news" Men
don't paint nor powder (often), but
they raise Whiskers that makes them
look like Scotch terriers, and coax the
little hair moles to grow on their chins.
Men are not vain, but they never like
the yspng lady who says they are not
handsome. Men are consistent. Tney
like to see the dress of lady plain and
sensible. hate furbelows and fun
merry" Int let lady in "plain, sensi-
BILE dress" enter car where these men
are seated and she may stand an hour
and not one of them offer her a seat,
but when a lady enters arrayed in The
height OF fashion every one of them
will spring to his feet and glory in the
honor of jtanding for her sake, or
rather for the sake of her clothes.
Men never find fault with themselves,
not if theyecan help it. Adam showed
hau ho1, -
profted by his instruction. Men take
cold and think they are going to die,
and when you carly them a bowl
of herb tea they turn pale and ask you
if it is bitter and if you don't suppose
it would do just as well to take it next
week. Men don't lead around a poodle
dog with blue ribbon, but they chew
tobacco and perfume their clothes with
a pipe. Men are always wanting
clean shirt, and when they get one thew
are always ready to swear that there is
not button on Is, when all the time
the buttons will be there, only they can
not find them. Men can never find
anything. They pull off their boots
and forget where they put them, and
pretend they remember just all about
1t, and after they have rummaged
around and turned everything upside
down, and looked OF all the shelves in
the pantry, in the sewing machine
drawer, and upset your work basket,
sit down andremark that this is a deuce
of house, fellow never knows when
he gets out of thing when he is going
TO set eyes on it again; and when yot
bring his boots, that you have found
right where he left them, he hands YOU
his slippers and wants to know if YOU
sscan't iab them into some out Of thu
way corner where the old Scratch would
never look for 'em." Men think then
know a lot. and they do sometimes
Men are 8 trouble, but they are hand,
to have in the house in q thunde
shower, or when the wind blows, an,
thew are not afraid of mice. l know
this is true, because once saw two me-
chase a mouse around room for
hour (more or lesS), and neither az
psared to be in the least alarmed. T,
ward the close of the chase, one of II
men stopped TO vice his brow, aDdr
marked that it was warm-an eXcee'
lnely cold observation. in my opinioj
as u was c I'D AID comfortable up en- Il
head Of ,helopr ge where / was.'