News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-08-16
INQUISITIvE.


| And generally he gets It,;
-!Sonteruille Journal
| INoUIsITIvE.
Oficer-Look r here What are
We doin' round here this time O morn
in?
Stranger Cboldly)-I'm tendin' to me
bisness Wat yer s'pose?
Oficer-Oh, yer are! Where did that
chicken come from?
Stranger with more under his coat,
savagely)-It come from neg, av corse!
What n blazes did yer tink it come
from-a sody-fountin'
AT THE CLUB.
Jack Hardup (who always forgets to
repay)-I say, old fellow, lend me 81,
will you? Ihave nothing but large
bill in my pocket.
Friend (who has been caught before)
Whose is it, your tailor's.-LJe.
BACKBONE.
Talk about the value of backbone
especially these campaign days-recalls
a sermon once delivered by Tennessee
preacher. Brethren" said the preach
er, ''don't put Pontius PLATE down as
bad man. He wasn't bad man he was
only weak one. He himself would
much rather have released our Savior,
but he couldn't resist the pressure of
the Scribes He didn't have any back
bone. He wasn't bad, but he was a
poor weak creature-in fact there was
nothing to him. Brethren, if General
Andrew Jackson had been in Pontius
Pilates place, that trial would have had
icdn.
HE SUCCUMBED.
Edo you love me, Lena9
Lena-I think so. I dream of you
every night.
Ed-What is your dream2
Lena-I see you in Tiffany looking
at diamond rings.
THE CAUSE.
Widow-Yes, the direct cause of my
poor husbands death was quantity of
bakers cake he ate.
Minister ION visit of condolence)-
It must be source of great consolation
to you, my dear Mrs. Hendricks, that you
didn't make the cake yourself.
Epoch.
SKEERY TIMES.
The story is told of an old fellow who
passed through the late war, and who
for years past was fond of giving his
thrilling experience in the terse sentences:
"Them was powerful skeery times. >
GaEcest0R NeaoS.
A GREAT DIFFERENCE.
Smith-How nre you, Jones2
Jones-Excuse me, l don't know you. |
SunJfh-YnII knew when h0r- !
rowed that 10.
Jones-Well, don't want to borrow
anything now.-LJ6.
WE'LL MET.
Christian Scientist-Have you ever
tried faith cure for your rheamatism2
Patient-Yes, I'm trying it now. I've
got in my pocket the left hind foot of a
graveyard rabbit, that was killed in the |
dark of the moon, and / do believe its |
helping me.
THE WORST PART.
"What trials you must have" said the
lady, contemplating famished tramp |
devouring the generous repast she had
placed before him.
'sYes'm, and the wust of it is I allus
gets convicted" answered the tramp |
between bites.
THE "NIcKEL" MACHINE.
Papa-Now run away, Bobby. Papa's
busy.
Bobby (holding up his joined hands,
papa, and you'll see me go.
PARTNERS.
Clerk pelieve We will have some pad
we'd ers.
Nose Schaumburg-You believes We
will get some pad vedders. Vat you
mean by ve9 Since ven haf you been
partner oph mine dot you talks of ve3-
Teras Sgiftings.
OBJECTIONABLE FEATURES.
Brown-How do you like your new
house?
Smith-Well, there are some objection
able features about it.
Brown-What are they?
Smith-The landlords.
IT OFTEN DOES.
"Gracious me!' said old Mrs. Bently,
who was reading an account of public
dinner
"What's the matter2" inquired old
Mr.. Bently.
"What an awful amount of toast these
men do eat I should think it would
make 'em thirsty. ."-Harper's Bazar.
A jack-knife is dangerous thing, but
is not so fatal as Jackpot. Life.
AN INVALUABLE HUSBAND.
Caller-Last time called on you, you
had two little pug dogs, a monkey and
two parrots. What has become of them
Friend-That was before / was mar
ried. My husband has taken their place.
NOT PRoPITIoUs TIME.
Minister-Is your father in? I wish
to speak with him about contributing
for the new parish house.
Boy-Yes, pas at home. He's down
cellar making coal bin, and / guess
he's Just hit his thumb nail with the
hammer.
Minister don't think I'll stop just
now. Good morning.
SHE GOT ONE.
Angelica-Tell me, Augustus, what
are those funny little boats the fisher
men have?
Augustus-They are smacks.
Angelica-How cute they are. How l
should like to have little smack.
Augustus wishes are my law.
Lower your sunshade tritle and you
shall have dozen.
GETTING EVEN.