The intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1887-1891, 1888-09-01
Our GroWler.

Our GroWIer.
| have heard Of young men escOrting their
best girls TO church, and, durjog the sermon.
yielding to the restful influence of morpheus.
but now comes the most ~laughable joke of
that kind. lie did not take her to church
this time, but they concluded to say ut home
sweet home and enjoy each others society.
whether from the effects of the weather, a
lack of sleep, or Il dropping off of conversa-
ton, | cannot say. but this laddie just closed
his eyes aud sailed into dreamland his
dreams, doubtless, much sweeter from the
fact that hts heGd aoaS peacefuUy repOsing in
her top. ! have seen and heard OF many
humorous happenings, bat this stands at tho
head of the list. No doubt il was embarrass-
ing () TO the dear girl to have to awaken
him, but regardless of embarrassment she
DID arouse him when mamma told her it was
an hour past kissing time. Young man dent
you think il will be better to take a little nan
about two or three o'clock In the afternoon
preceding your time of earthly blissy think
1t advisable, and then you Will not be impOs-
ed-Or should have said repoSing Il burden
upon the iair creature; and, best OF all, you
will not be laying yourself liable to have the
Old gent putting his foot - well -.
80
There are many kinds of nuisanceS that in
fest these great United States, and part of this
territory, and to name all of them would re-
quiTe q great sacrifice of time. several quarts
of ink. and a car load Of paper, beside a pref
~ good calculator TO keep things moving
therefore XII only try and point out a few OF
these pcsilfcrous bugs that fly around here.
Nuisance No. / is the man that Jews the
watermelon merchant IL half hour to pet him
10 7cll a 80 cent melon for 10 cents, and then
takes his coveted chunk Of ague and wends
his way to the beautifully shaded courthouse |
yard. and there extracts the goodness, the
badness and the Indifference from il. After
he has had an elegant suliciency he lcuyesH
the leaving for some other pig. and immedi-I
aIely turns bis steps toward other fields,
Nuisance No. } is the man than that goes into !
Il church on Sunday with u quId Of tobacco
in his mouth, and all during service con-
tributes repeated mnuthGuls of ambc(e)r to
the carpet. or perhaps 10 the heels of the man
who is in tho scat in front of him. don't
know how his wife lives with him if he prac.
tees such trick at home. Nuisance No. 3 is
he person who Is always ready with II told
YOU sO,' II knOwed IT." lust so: exactly. |
precisely - etc, lust ~ II he knew all about
it. You can't tell hiiL llythiug. Tor he knows
It all. Good people take care that be don't |
don't get his thumb In your button hole. |
Nuisance No. 1 is the young gent that forever
swings ON the old mans gate, with knowI-l
edge of the fact that there is only u half hinge |
lett and only one screw and n horseshoe nail
holding that; he designs not to offer his ser |
vices in the capacity Of n capacity Of u car |
penler or u cheap Job boy. Look sharp,
Young honeysuckle, the old gent has a
large dog chained to the chopping block
who said pantsI Nuisance No. ) is the non |
abatement of all nuiSances in Lexington. |
There are two or three half. witted colored
people running around the streets, and still |
nobody notices this. Do our citizens con-
slider them an acquisition to the ornamental
department Of our city? The cackling gee SO
tthat walked the Romans thereby saving
Rome make regular trips down our streets
daily and are certainly nuisances. 81 me good |
sou probably thinks that they will agake |
Lexington Is they did Rome, but 1t will take
some animal or fowl more inspiring than !
these iioniets rouSerS TO stir the old place IN
Just cage the geese and the idiots, and serve
notice on ali rational nuissnccs, and then see !
OF there Is not IA marked improvement.
Sc" !
| had no conception of the area covered by
the musical talent OF Lexington until II
started out for II ramblc one evening last
week. L started from Hotel Nickel, being |
run out from there by II cOnglOmeration of
sounds made by two brass bands across the |
street. 1t seemed that one was irving Ia |
down the other, and | wonder that peoplc
can exist under the conflicting circumstances |
in that .neIghborhood. As | walked along III
Main street l counted sixteen pianos within |
hearing distance OF the brass bands, not TO |
mention an accordion, five squeakv yioIins, |
three cracked-h ead vOcaIists, and myriads OF |
Jews harps and kazoos. This WAS becoming
monotonous, and with u view of fleeing from
the influence of-muslc %, for music affects
me striEeingly, | feed along up the avenue. |
but | was only getting my hig foot into nj
larger nest of the very thing | was running
from. will not describe my emotion, as !
heard thump, thnmpety, thump, and thumr |
after ihump, followed 10y the saue, sque,
squeai after squeal, and to add TO the din
another bras band was grooming and srunt-
i"g through some old war song, butt ! viii,
you the correct reiirns from the Official
oount. From Third street to Estill Heights
there are 623 pinnoS, 1914 organs, I2I unknown,
unnamed instruments supposed to BIO "A cross
between n piano and accordion; five brass
bands. four string bands. 200 yocaIIsts. 39I
liddles, l flute aud lT5 organettes, not TO men.
ton the lewsharps. nccordeons. etc. Talent?
oh, no! Most OF it should be buried in the
ground. III natured, am l: We'll amt I n
growlcr by profession? Query-I saw .
negro playing l. jews harp. is this allowed
here;