New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-11-04
JOINS BURGLARS.
TIE STORY or A HERO.

From The Boston Saturday Evening Gazette.
Or. Hcrer in Tho Popular science Monthly says
that there in every human being, matter how
sceptlcal he may CONSIDER himself certain degree OF
creduty, which may be Played upon and taken ad-
meets with some In whom the maginauOn gets the
upper hand 50 readily that trey may be indIced 10
believe the most Impossible. things all his accounts
Tor the existence In all wecgatcd households Of tho
family lie The gradual growth of the family lie IS
prize pumpkin Each member Of the family has all
equal ineresl in this lmpcrccpublc but steady increase
compicuosly In 1t Keeps the kecnes watch over It, 1t
grows with his growth and strengthens with his
place occurrence grows most wonderful and super
human event Mr.. John Jones Is aroused one night
part OF the house. lie has long been waiting-so
years in fact-o hear some sound that viii not finally
itself into rain failing tin roof or the early
peculiar antics 0 the mlhnan and his heart beats
Violently he sits up in bed to listen and then swings
dark stiffness OF the middle OF the room, aud Mrs.
Jones still keeps up what he has for fifteen years
called snoring but she IS merely deep breathing.
he wishes lie mad quite cautious. IL would
seem more natural and lielike II Mrs. Jones would
shrly whisper, e What Is 1t, john In agOnized
tone But the silence Is opprcssIye ana he turns me
gas on with whzz that brings Mrs. Jones up In bed
with the spring OF iack-nthe box and the Old familiar
shrill WHISPER What Is II, JohnP restores him to
his leonnc courage.
quiet, win you Why do you always have TO wake w
al the least little nose ~ he sputters, impaently
and shiverins, partly with the night air. and partly
with the conviction that Evena isn't going to entreat
For once in the annals Of their married life, Ev-
elina does urge him stay with her and not
loci the door and In burst OF Indignation at her selfish
thoughtlessnesS, he tears open the door, hoping she'll
feel sorry the next morning when she finds his
burglar ot-rddled body and The Morning Globe at
the same time, with full account, with illustrations
In It, OF his tragic death, and how none Of the family
were awake to help him. His bitter rccklessncss
res him as fat as INC head OF the stars wnere nc
pauses and padiy. listens He eNcltedly recalls de
scrpions he HIS read Of the head of family sliding
down INC bannlstcrs ana lighting on burglar mead
or the Newark servant gri who knocked one out in
round, the Texas female who filed one with
buckshot but he reflects, with chaterng teeth that
his bannsters Queen Ammo, he Is a small man, and
he hasn't got gun In the house. As he listens how
ever, the sound assumes familiar monotony warm
glow rushcs him he puts afr the descrip
ton Of which shall Dc effective the next morning on
the train to the boys and marches boldly down one
flight, pushes open the dining room door, and finds
the water dripping into the china closet dlshpan. He
turns 1t of with flourish lghs all the gas slams all
the doors. tries all windows, falls over his Infant
sons toy steam engine, stubs his toe and swears
Then he marches, with heavy step, upstairs and
finds his wifes aggressive silence dld proceed
from indifference TO hrs fate, but petrfactlon from
tlon Of The Family Lie Is published.
"Is-is-are they gone :" walls Mrs. Jones.
"Who gone - he chcerfully replies. pleased to find
himself alive in one room, instead Of dead all over the
front hall.
The bub-bub-bnrgars,' bubbles Evena,
tated now to think there Here she catches
sight Of his bloody toe, and shrieks:
Oh, Jo-John they didn't shoot your
F1attered By her grief, John pleasantly soothes
Il tell you, Evellna, there were no burglars.
only 1eu over JOnnnyS steam cnSlnc.'
:" You only te-tell me that to com-comfOrt me.
heard II all / heard the sh-shOt, and heard you
g-grapple with the man. and then saw him run ous
of the back yard
Nonsense, Evelina It the m1lkman"
coaxes he graed, however, at the picture which hts
Imaginative wife presents to him. and burning with
the wish that Il might all have been
IL always knew II would ha-hsppen, and now
Il has, and to think John what might have been. Was
there more than one, John!
Mr. Jones, In a state OF grateful despair, refuses 20
her and she Immediately concludes there were
two.
The first week her husband denies It all aughinsy.
Second weck-He overhears remarks In this style
Jones Is cOolhcaded chap Tackled three burglars
the other night in his hOnse-drove them out after
they'd shot him. locked mp the house, went back to bed
and denied the whole thing to his wife-thats what
/ call pluck
Third week-lle only winks at people when his wife
tells the story and lets them interpret they WILL
Fourth weck-fIe wonders II II wasn't a burglar in
stead Of the mlkman that out Of the back yard.
Fifth week-WOnders II II mightnt have been small
bullet that hit his toe at the same time he stuobed II
on the toy engine
Sixth week->upposes he could have been In such a
frenzy OF anger and excitement to make him I'M
conscious of what he did In such state he might
/ have wrestled with one burglar perhaps
Seventh wcek-Belcves the whole business, and ar
| the end OF two months makes II three burglars and
! goes down to postery as modest hero.