The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1888-11-15
manitomof pilot.
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER Is.
WIT AND IIUMOR.

One member of the Canadian CaDl-
net is named Bowel. This is almost
a casus belli.-Btaghanto Republican,
If we could all see ourselves as 9TH
ers see us most of us would hardly see
ourselves at all.-J0urnal Of Education.
New clerk These apples seem to be
small. Proprietor Grritably)-Well,
what do you expect when you open the
wrong end of the barrel?-Boston Bea.
con.
At the drug store-Customer-
you anything that will remove super
fiuous hair? Druggist Quietly, but
with contidence)-Yes, sir, my wife,
Washington Critic.
The course of true love never does
run smooth, and later on in life when
we see girl that we like better, we
often feel mighty glad it didn't-Jour-
nal of Education.
Flattery is the worst of insults; but
there are mighty few people in this.
world who are keen enough to know
when anybody is insulting them
S0nlerUttte Journal.
Polite conductor-''Yourf fare, mad
am" Miss Cosy Cobb from SIAM
ford)-''You orter see me before /
got sun-scorched at Aunt Hammers
clam-bake. Time.
If church bells did not ring no one
would remember that it was Sunday.
That's why they ring, and it prevents
lots of men from starting out with fish
poles.-DetroH Free Press.
The man who said that marriage re-
sembles lottery labored under a mis-
understanding. When you patronize
a lottery you have some show Of COM
ing out ahead.-Lincoln Journal.
You fellows charge a high price for
pulling teeth, said real estate dealer,
to dentist. 80, don't know about
that" was the confident reply, ''we
only charge 81 an acher. Time.
Begin your Christmas embroidery
now. The Heaven Bless Our Flat"
and the slippers for your husband and
the rector should not be rushed
through at the last minnte.-NetO York
San.
Harry (who had some money given
him to spend at the fair)-Papa. things
were so cheap at the fair that 80 cents
of my money was wasted. Papa
Wasted Harry-Yes; l didn't spend
it.-LJe.
Citizen Ito Farmer Hayseedp) -How's
things up on the farm, Mr.. Hayseed?
Farmer Hayseed-Dinged bad. My
wife is down sick an two of my bosses
has got heaves. I'm lookin' fer good
boss doctor.-LJe.
A man has just died in Connecticut
who smoked over 1000 behring's aday.
There is no accounting for tastes.
Perhaps the poor man had to choose
between behring's and Connecticut
cigars. -Harper'S Bazar.
Mrs. Hard-Do have some more
cream, Miss SweettoOth. Miss Sweet
tooth (hesitating) Dwell, just little,
Mrs. Hard. Only a mouthful. Mrs.
Hard-Bridget, fill Miss Sweettooth's
plate up again.-Harpey''S Bazar.
Some excitement was caused at re-
ception in Philadelphia last week by
the discovery that young man who
had no grandfather had crept in
through the back door. He was sum-
marily elected. -Neto York Sun.
Grocer-Well, sonny, what can l do
for you? Sonny-Me mudder sent me
back wld the butter and wine. She
sed she ordered new butter an old
wine, an she thinks you've got the
wintages mixed up.-Neoo York. SIN.
Mrs. MY new piano reminds me
of successful businessman" Mr.. J.
Why? Mrs. 10, we'll it's always
square. And then its notes never 90
to protest. Mr.. J.--No; but the neigh
bors are going to.-Ierre Haute Er-
press.
Somebody has written paper on
How to Tell Woman's Age 1t is
bad information. How to know a
woman's age would be useful know
ledge, but the man who undertakes to
tell it is simply brute.-Neao Orleans
Pcayune.
Dude (to citizen of Arizona)-Ah-
has your family family tree? Arizo-
mani dunno as you would call it ex-
actly family tree, stranger, but two
of our folks hev been strung up on that
ere cottonwood out yender.-B4riing-
ton Free Press.
Mrs. Bacon-I say, Mr. Chalkem, /
understand YOU are about to raise the
price of milk? Chalkem-Yes, ma am;
milk will be nine cents a quart after
the first of the month. That's what
you call high water mark, l suppose"
-I0nbcrS Statesman.
Revivalist-My son. when that great
day comes, where will we find you.
with the sheep or the goats? Small
boy-Jig@ered if l know. Ma, she
says I'm her little lamb and pa calls
me "thc kid" so guess III have to
give it up.-Ierre Haute Express.
Mr.. Bornlucky-s.Ah, congratulate
me. GOGGLES. I've won prize in the
Louisiana State lottery" GOGGLES
by doggy, old man, you don't say so,
how much?" Mr.. Bornlucky Twelve
dollars Googles-"What did it cost
you?' Mr.. Bornlucky-''Thirty dol
lars. Time
He-I must break off my engage
ment, Violet. She-Why should you
do that? He-Well, your father has
failed. How can he support son-in-
law in the style in which | have lived?
She-Why, you goose, he failed on
purpose to meet the extra eXpensei-
Harper'S Bazar.
MIR. De Washer (to pretty barmaid
at refreshment counter) -Aw, miss,
would you-aw-givc me-aw-one of
those-aw-dog biscuits? Pretty bar
maid giving him oatmeal biscuit)-
Here's the dog biscuit. Take it on the
mat and eat it. Collapse of De Mash