The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1888-12-26
DAVE TUCKER

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DAVE TUCKER
On the Trials Of Trial Justice.
Oh! my, this Trial Justice business
is the greatest mixtifacation of things
I ever knew. Some how or other I
can't straighten things no how I fix
ii. can't please everybody that's
sure, for in every case I try, I an
bound to make enemies of the whole
Breed and generation of the party I
decide against. Both sides declare
they are right and I am compelled to
decide between them, and both can't
be right and neither wrong. Never
theless, I FIRE away at the trial, hit or
miss, one way or the other, and the
result is, the defeated party gets mad
and calls me (behind my back) all
sorts of bad names, I am consoled in
the reflection that the winning side
thinks I am small edition of Black
stone. But such is life and Il will
have TO take the bitter as well as the
sweets of it, and I reckon I can stand
it. The wear and tear of the precari-
Gus responsibility attached to the Of
zee of Trial Justice is baving de-
bilitating effect on me, and I fear I
shall have an attact of softening of
the brain, that I didn't have, as Sam
johnson said when I sent him to jail
for stealing Pete Groom's hound pup.
Nine tenths of the complainants know
more law than WAS ever written, and
when tell them that no such law as
they claim exists, express surprise
and seem amazed at my ignorance. I
generally convince them when I place
before them the acts of the Legisla-
sare from 1903 to the present, iGclud-
ing the general statutes at large, and
ask them to point out such law. It
generally winds up with: "Oh! my, I
csn't find it in all them books, but old
uncle jim Rains told me that was the
law" 0, you fire side lawyers, you
little know how much trouble you
give by your ignorance! Why! old
Mrs. Smoot wanted me the other day
70 make john Sandy marry her
daughter Sallie, and come to find out
John had not yet asked Sallie to mar
" him. But the old lady wanted me
ssto fetch John up and make him fix
matters with Sallie and that quickly"
I promised her I would do the best I
could for her and Sallie, but am
fearful I will make poor effort at it,
for had dreadful time and poor
make out courting Becky. really
believe if she hadn't helped me right
smartly I would have been q lone
bachelor. I have ever since been
much obliged to her for the help she
gave me, and have never had, and am
sure never will have, cause to regret
It.
And now comes Mary Ann Nc
Guire in peck of trouble. She says
her husband, Jack McIuire, does not
support and clothe her and the chill
dren, and she wants me to make him
do IL. Oh! me, I told her couldn't
do that that I had no jurisdiction in
that matter. She told me: "Ju,isdic-
sion be hanged, just send Jack to
Jail for q month and let him freeze
some, and she allowed he would walk
the chalk line sure then" Well, as ]
knew that Jack was "freckle-faced,
long, lean, gamble-shacked, knocked
kneed, sneaking, inpertinent, ill-bred,
hslf-baked specimen Of a gawky, good
for-nothing sort of fellow" I told
her to tell Jack, that if he didn't feed
his family on ham and rice, -four, syr-
up and sugar, three square meals q
day, with lnnch thrown in on Sunday,
turkey for Christmas, and a trip to
the springs next summer, I would is
sue writ of "mandamus, pluribus
unum,' and land him in the peniten-
tiary for The balance of his natural
born days She said: 'sThat will
fetch him sure" and she left me hum
ming the tune, ''Oh! how can I leave
thee" ] am glad that have at least
made one poor soul happy, if but for
8 moment. It's q oasis III that suffer
ing woman's miserable existence.
/ had case last week that out.
cased any case I ever had. Mrs. Sill.
vey Green complained chat Jim Hi
tower had taken her goose ard sold il
without leave OF license, that her
goose was white gender, with three
black feathers in one wing, red legs
and yalier bill, and he had grey eyes
moreover, he was notable gander.
So l had trial 10 see who this nota
ble cander belonged to. Mrs. Green