Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1888-06-08

~'2@ I'M
MANY o man who tries to ride
hobby gets thrown finally. Boston
Post
The paper-hanger ought to succeed.
phiG Call
The history of the decline and fall of
the sparrow is yet to be written.-Pail-
adelphia Call.
SOME people are so constituted that
they would kick at foot ball match
Boston Transcript.
MAMMA-Who dwelt in the Garden
of Eden, Freddie? Freddie-Oh, I
know; the Adamses!
THE Treasury Department uses 49,
600 towels month, and yet the sur
plus is not wiped out.
THE fruit of ambition is seldom so
sweet when tasted as it had been pleas
ing to the eye.- Philadelphia Call
The career Of the spring chicken is
brief. 1t never lasts longer than till
necks tweak.-Pittsba1ygh Chronicle.
Mosr men look out for number one.
Most women look out for number two
at the shoe store. Free
Press.
DISCREPANCIES in my accounts 2" re-
peated the bank cashier Indignantly;
mot bit of it. The accounts are all
! right to mill. The trouble is with
the cash. "-Someruille Journal.
PARAcELsUs located the soul at the
pit of the stomach. A blow in the
stomach is likely to double one up,
which accounts for "two souls with but
single thought" -Teras Sifti,ags.
AS A proof that the Indian is advanc-
ing, it is said that he now orders beer
instead of whisky when he enters
frontier town. This might be called
Improved Order of Red Men.-Teras
Sittiags.
MONKEYS by the hundreds can be
seen hanging by the tails to telegraph
wires in Mexico In this country the
monkeys usually hang to pretty girls
or scoot from the boot of an enraged
father.-Arcola Record.
"FoR hiccough, hold the breath,
writes gentleman who pretends to
know what to do when other people
don't. Willthe gentleman please tell
us how to let go of the hiccough long
enough to get a firm grip on the breath?
--MinneapOlis Tribune.
VAGRANT-Beg parding, mum, but
could ye have the kindness to lend me
box of sardines to open with this
can-opener? Mrs. Oatcake-Sorry 1
can't, poor fellow; but he,e's diprer
of water and tract I kinder hate to
send the poor away empty-handed. -
Judge.
C,T1zEN-Tm surprised that you
have become such a careful driver,
Jake. You used to be the most reck-
less driver on the streets. You ran
into half dozen different carriages to
my certain knowledge. Teamster-
I'm drivin' mighty light wagon, now,
an it's me own.-Omnha World.
LANDLADY swell boarding-house)-
Have you any children, madam? APP
plicant (meekly)- one, little
boy, and he is sickly. Landlady
(dubiously)--I hardly know what to
say, madam. Some of these sickly
children often linger long time, you
know, and I don't like to take any
chances. York San.
Il HAVE girl" saysa German, "who
is SO modest that she always goes into
the next room to change her mind. /"
Then an Englishman retorted, "My
girl is so modest that she always runs
indoors when she is told that the wind
is going to shift. Then Frenchman
said, "My girl is so modest that she
will not have anything to do with the
| naked truth"
IN THE NURSERY.
The baby in the cradle cries,
And high it's shrill screams rise and higher:
The tears are streaming from its eyes
Upon the lounge the nursemaid lies
And smiling reads: I'm Silk Attire"
Boston Courier.
THE season dramatic draws near to a close.
And homeward now many Thespian HES.
The sad lack Of shekles, his empty purse knows.
| Compelling passage on foot Der the ties:
Yet who his privation could ever once guess
When hearing him boast of the seasons success.
| Boston Budget.
THE -l8E OF FISHES,
Crows are commonly said to live for
100 years, and turtles are said to have
even longer life; but if Professor Baird
be right, the greatest animal longevity
is possessed by fishes. Professor Baird
says that as fsh has no maturity,
there is nothing to prevent it from liv-
ing indefinitely and growing continu-
| ollv Ho o;taa in nroof a Milo 1;vipcr ~,