St. Paul daily globe., 1888-08-19
CULLED WIT.

ne (passionatelyl-Oh, darling, can't
you i0Ve me little? She (coldIy)-Not
iess than do atpresent. Certainly not.
-
son or Browning says his father adj
iill5s that certain passages of his poetry
ndu meaning when he wrote them
some years ago, but he has forgotten
what it was. His readers have not for
gotten. They never knew.
|
Mrs. Col. Blood-Isn't this dreadful!
Ihe paper says that citizen of Pa
dneah drank quart of raw whisky and
Immediately dropped down dead. Col.
deVlllSn ScOundrel must have put pol
son in it.
An article is going the rounds of the
papers, headed: .'How to Select
WIFE" Its rules are very scientific and
interesting, but when young man falls
IN love he doesn't ponder rules. He
Just shuts both his eyes tight and grabs
frantically in the dark.
Confirmed Bachelor-How time does
fly, Miss Seaside! Why, it was ten
years ago that you refused me on this
very spot. Miss Seaside (who wishes
she hadnt,-So long ago as that? was
very young and foolish then, Mr.. Smith.
older and wiser now, n'eSt-ce pas?
"JJohn. d-dear," She sobbed, ''d-did
| you ever think how near death is to us
all? Wh-what would you ever do-do,
dear J-John, if L should d-d-die?''
''Well," said John, musingly, Il don't
know as had ever thought of it before,
first impression is that ! should bury
you.'
81 haven't taken drop of liquor for
| years." said rather fiOrid-looking man
to temperance lecturer in Texas.
You haven't eh?" Certainly not;
your features to believe-your lips or
your nose-but do know there is lie
somewhere.
"Yes," said Uncle Rastus, Use been
takin' brain food fO' ter stimulate my
| mem'ry, an it's workin' fuSt rate" II
hope it has worked sufficiently for YOU
to remember, Uncle Rastus, that you
have owed me rs cents for over a year"
Yes, sab: dat was one OBJ de fust
things 'membered; and jes' as | was
| gwlne 'roun' fo' ter pay de money, | also
'membered dat L wuddent have muffin
let' ter buy de necessary Goldfish WIFI
~
Two fair creatures ENJOYING country
drive: ''Mary, dear, how old are you?"
Never ask me question like that, dear,
when am thinking of something else.
l might by slip of the tongue, tell the
truth, and that would make things quite
| unpleasant"
A real consolation-"Well, Pm real
giadH' exclaimed old Mrs. Sklipps, when
Informed that her son had been SEN
fenced to be hanged for murder Henry
always was wild boy. He wouldn't
90 to Sunday school or to church. an |
feared his poor soul would be lost for
ever. But if he's to be hanged for mur-
der. he'll get religion now, and go
straight to heaven, OF course"
| 80
Waiter Ito gentleman who has just
tipped him(-EXcuse me, sir, but do you
know that is a 20-cent piece? Gentle
man quitting it back in his pocket
| Why. no. | took it for a quarter But
its all right; know where got it.
If there's anything worries q woman
It's something she ought not to know,
But you bet she'll find it out anyhow
| III she gets the least kind of show;
Now We'll wager ten cents to a dollar,
This poem she's already read
We knew she's get at it somehow,
If she had to stand up on her head
In the midst of fervent exhortation
to sinners a Portland revivalist, who is
by business an auctioneer. exclaimed:
''Twenty-nine Pve got; thirty-shall [
have 'em? Bless the Lord! Twenty
nine are saved. Who will come next?
Shall have thirty?'
Sam Jones, the revivaliSt, was preach
ing down in Tennessee, and by way of
clinching his persuasions he asked all
those in the congregation who wished
to go to heaven to stand up. Everybody
in the place rose up instanter. Then
Sam thought he would try the other
tack: Everybody who wants to go to
hell stand up" No movement for
minute, and then a gaunt sinner un-
| folded his carcass till it stood up six feet
five and half, when he shifted his quid
and said, ''Parson, L guess you an mes
the only people here not sittin' deawn."
| m
"God won't like that" said the wife
of New York pastor to her little
daughter ''How will God find out?'
"Why, my darling, how many times
have l told you that God goes with you
everywhere! He sees all you do, night
and day." An hour or two later her
Mortified mother overheard the child
saying to her little dog, '.Go back, Jip;
|
and can't stand 1t to have any morer'
| *x*
| They drank their whisky and beer,
| To Bacchus they bended the knee
And often they said with sneer,
| "a lemonade drinker is he.''
| He never would with them ''go round"
He left them to frolic at will;
| They're all of them under the ground
He's drinking his lemonade still.
| *.A
A bear wishing to rob beehive, laid
himself down in front of it, and over
turned it with his paw. Now said
he, Il will lie perfectly still and let the
bees sting me until they are exhausted
and powerless; their honey may then
be obtained without opposition" And
it was so obtained but bya fresh bear,
| the other being dead. This narrative
exhibits one aspect of the Fabian
policy" splendidly.
80
| Jennie kissed me when we met
| Jumping from the chair she sat in
| Time you thief! who love to get
| Sweets into your list, put that in,
| Say L m weary say I'm sad;
| Say that health and wealth have missed me:
| Say I'm growing old, but add
| Jennie kissed me-"
| Two whales, seizing pike, attempted
| in turn to swallow him, but without
| success. They finally determined to try