The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1888-08-18
Current Wit.

A good many OF the people VINO are
settling in Canada are those who havs
neglected to do any settling over
here.
A Kansas school teacher offered q
prize to the scholar who would come
to school with the cleanest face. he
was unable to recognize some OF his
pupils the next day.
She-"Sir, what do you mean by
putting your arm around my waistr
He-"Do you objectf" arthur Cor
don, I'll give you just five hours to re-
move your arm"
In this country a hamlet is . place
with one weekly paper, a village is
place with two, town is place with
one daily paper, city is place with
more than one.-Omaha World
Mother. Ito Bobby. who has Just
completed his prayers)-"Why,
Bobby, you forgot to pray for papa.
Bobby-"Why, so l did, and he
needs it SO much, doesn't he, mar
Texas Slftings.
A servant girl wrote from New York
to her friends in her native place, that
she worked in a house called fats, and
that they 60 from one story to anoth.
er in ventilators, and send their wash
ing to the foundry.
No matter what our surroundings
in life, there always comes a time
when fond memory reverts to the
palmy days when, pillowea on the
maternal knee. we were in the hands
OF a loving and disciplining mother.
A married lady declines to tell
maiden sister any Of her troubles. say
ing, "Where ignorance is bliss, tits fol-
ly to be WISE" "Yes," replied the sis
ter, land I've come to the conclusion
that when singleness is bliss tits folly
to be wives"
Ridgway, the father of Madame
Rush. also a rich Banker, once loosing
his temper with the eminent French:
man, said pettishly to Girard: "Friend
Glrard, l can buy thee and sell thee"
Friend Ridgway," replied he to the
wealthy Quaker, ~ can buy thee-and
keep thee"
Enraged husband Maria, I can en-
dure thus ccxistance no longer. lam
going to blow my b-alns OUT 4 10
(calmly)-Don't attempt At, John,
hn
firing at small targets.-Chicago Tri-
bune.
"sad affair, this" said Virgins,
looking mp from his paper. "a miner
blown to atoms by dynamite; not a
trace OF him lett" "Sad, indeed" re.
turned Bobby; shut his family will
have one consolation at least. They
won't have to pay $100for a $50 col
fin. Judge.
II ask nothing from anybody" said
a capitalist to a young man who had
called on him to see if he would not
lend his assistance in q new venture.
"No," was the reply, "Tye observed
that. Whenever you see anything
you want you just 60 ahead and take
it." Merchant Traveller.
'Dr. Hammond says that death is
not necessity" "Does he? Well, I
have just finished settling up Harkin's
estate, you know, and judging from
the undertaker's bill l paid, Pm pre-
pared to agree with him. It's a
luxury"
A untryman, who was stranger
in the city, took an old timepiece to
the matchmaker to have it repaired.
After a little the matchmaker gave it
to him with the remark that he wan.
/ ted FIVE dollars. "What was the
matter with it?" asked Rusticus.
"There was hair in it." Was tn at
all? You ought to have found a hair
mattress in it Tor five dollars"
"Dear me-" said the little Boston
boy. after intellectual suasion had
failed, and they had spanked him for
| the first time, "if had had the slight
est suspicion that the resultant SEN
sation was SO poignant, l should
never have invited the experiment. +"
Puck.
"Why, john" said his wife, impa-
tiently. as she opened the door and
found him still in bed, you promised
faithfully last night that you would
get up in time to 60 to church with mel"
Il meant in time for evening service, p"
| explained John, turning over luxuri.
ously.-The Epoch.
Three little boys in down-river
town attend the same school. They
are but four years old and in the
same class. The other day they were
called ont by the teacher and asked
to spell a certain word. They all fail
ed, and one of the little fellows looked
up to the teacher and said: "Now,
Mr.. NJ, you are in a terrible fix, amt
you?"-Bangor Commercial.