Morning journal and courier., 1888-01-11
PHENOMENAL.

The Popular Science Monthly tells of
 man with both legs off who suffers from cold feet. It is not much of phenomenon, how ever. Doubtless he is married.--Albany
 Journal.
 Customer Gin the restaurant) )-ssThe last
 time was here, waiter, found hair in my soup. Are you sure this is all right?" Waiter
 Confidently y)-"Yes, sah; I done took lem all out ''-Epoch.
 Star actress-"Don't you think it would be
 good idea to use a tete-a-tete in this scene,
 MT. Shiner?" Manager-"First rate. I'll ask
 the orchestra leader to play one and we'll see
 how it goes. .'-Puck.
 McKenzie-"What a delightful thing it would be if someone would invent new figure for the germans'' Miss Laker Gfrom Cincinnati ti)-Wouldn't ita' They're so awful ly stout, as race. Judge. MT. Foster-"Is Miss De Broganville at home?" Servant girl-"Is you MT. Smith2" MT. F.-"No, am MT. Foster" Servant girl-"Well, she's not at home, sur. I was only to say she was at home to MT. Smith" Boston Budget.
 The man who bought last years alma mac in preference to one for 1888 because he goti at less than half price will be badly fooled when he goes fishing on several Sat- l urdays during the year thinking the day is Sunday.-Norristown Herald. Jones-'I say, Smith, saw great magi- l elan last night. He could give you lemonade, or any drink you wanted, ,out of white hal" :" on our corner who can give you thirty-hye, forty and forty-fve cent butter out of the ! same tub. "-Harper's Bazar. | Irate neighbor-See here, MT. Blank, got | tired of having old tin cans thrown into my yard and this morning went to your house and gave your wife piece of my mind. Mir. Blank-Well, welll I knew you were ! no sloueh, but I didn't suppose you were such dare devil as that.-Omaha World. Countryman (to hotel c1erk}-I reckon you'll have to give me another room, mister. Clerk-What's the matter with the one you havea
 Countryman-The sign says, s'Don't blow out the gas," an, b'gosh, I can't sleep with all that light in the room.-New York Sun.
 "Come and dine with me to-day, Grind stone," said Kiljordan, ''the bill of fare will just suit you. Calves brains is the princi- pal dish"
 fI'll come, Kiljordan," said Grindstone,
 Gin order that you may have one man at the
 table who eat calves brains without
 making a cannibal of himself '-Chicago Tribune.
 All that one has to do to maintain perfect
 health is to carry buckeye and potato in the pocket, wear lung pad, couple of DOT ous plasters and magnetic belt, go to bed at 9 o'clock every night and get up at in the morning, take 8 cold water bath and
 walk seven miles every day before breakfast.
 Abstain from the use of tobacco, tea, coffee, all manner of intoxicants and rich food of
 every description. By obeying the above
 simple rules your life may be made one con-
 tinual round of giddy health.-Texas Sift-
 ings.
 Johnny Bilfnger, of this city, is sturdy
 little urchin of six. He has eleven brothers
 and sisters, and ofttimes when shoes and
 frocks, coats and pants are scarce JohRny
 seems to regret that he is not an only and
 favored child Several days ago his mother
 brought home few luscious oranges. She
 gave them to the three youngest children, and Johnny came into the room just as the
 last orange was disappearing adown the rosy
 mouth of younger brother. A sharp look of disappointment o'erspread Johnny's face and he said: FMamma, why don't we have funerals at our house I'm sure we have children enough. ."-Fort Worth Colonel