New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-12-23
GOSSIP AT THE CAPITAL.
SOME STORIES FROM CONGRESS.

"BTLLYD MASON WISHES THE OLD MAN WASN'T
DEAD YET, OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
THE SCISSORS THEoRY-AN IRAscIBLE
OFFICER LEyTTY IN THE SUI
PRIME COURT.
Washington, Dec. CA Senator who sometimes
Instructs hts colleagues had the floor the other day
HIS tone vergcd on the melancholy. but his voice was
OF ha; raspng kind from which there was no escape
in any nook Of the Senate Chamber. group OF sena-
tors fed TO one corner Of the cloakroom where they
tried TO forget the lecture going on outside by telling
stories. But there was no getting away from 1t
Finally one of the group remarked
- tails more dolefully than horse fddle'
"A horse fddlei what's that7' inquired states
man who is an authority on Constitutional law
The first speaker looked up in surprise, but none
of the group seemed able TO nlghtcn the Constitu-
tiona lawyer. One eminent hnancer venttlred the
opinion that n something which was turned by
crank Another Senator who Is fond Of the opera
gave description of hurly gurdy which he Thought
had something equine about 1t. The man who had
first broaohed the topic finally satisfied the curiosity
Of his colleagues suppose he remarked cyncaly,
that none of you could tell what jack-rabbit is,
eitherl Well, you don't need TO, for they bear no
relation TO each other horse fiddle" he continued,
IS piece Of musical mechanism simple that It has
never been patented You take medlum-sized dry
goods box and rip of the I'D. Then rub the edges
resin on the edges. Next you want cuvet,
bridge or something OF that sort, where the air can
strike the bottom OF the box. Put your box there
Then you want scantlng for bow NOW ma
your fiddler walt for a night when the air Is clear
and then Just set your fiddler to pulling the scantllng
rhythmlcay the dry goods box. 1t beats any
thing ever invented and be heard for ten miles
across the country. Once heard you'll never forget
IT, though you may want to die right away. But
II you all hadn't owned up to II never would have
supposed such ignorance Didn't know what horse
fiddle was That's pretty good. l wonder, now IL
any of you could tell what iackrabblt is ~
But Senators who had been enlightened about the
horse fiddle refused TO expose their ignorance further
and slipped back the Senate Chamber. Whenever
Senator takes the floor now and begins his
melancholy monolorues he can't understand why
several Of his brother Senators listen to him with such
critical interest for few minutes and then all to-
gcther make break for the cloak ROOM
Bulyr Mason, tho story telling Congressman from
Illinois has forcble illustration Of the disadv antage
Of belonging TO the party that is inn a Democratic
colleague noticing the big bundle OF letters MasOn's
desk gnhcsnty hell UP his own small package. Ny
mall Is gre wing smaller every day. he said, and
yours Is getting bigger. I'm sorry for you fellows
who have the Offices to distribute
"Ycsr replied Mason, /" ! sometimes feel sort o.
sorry for myself I'm like the farmers son who
preferred to all his brothers They were quarrel
some set and the Of knew It would be OF no
to divide his prog4rty among them. So he left the
farm the live stock the threshing machine and the
mortgag which he held his neehbors farms TO
son John. The funeral hardly over when tho
other sons hired lawyers to break the Will The law
yers got orders OF Court and contnuances till It looked
as though the ownership Of the farm never would Do
settled. One day John riding home from
Court after another continuance pretty much DISCUS
with the situation. A nelghbor overlook him and
asked how the 'lawing' had gone.
".inother continuance said the son, this time
for six months
..Nust be costing you considerable said the
neighbor.
/ son John replied: 'Bout twice as much as 1
make out Of the farm Then he sighed as he added
when they get me down there to Court sometimes
almost wish dad hadn't died.
Now said Mr.. Mason. making the application,
when ct these bundles OF letters with applications
for Office I'm al Of Them seems to that it costs
about twice what IT'S worth to be a Congress man.
when you eong 10 the party that's in. And some
tines he added confdentialy, 81 almost wish old
man Cleveland hadn't ALPHABETICALLY"
"Please don't mention me for more honors under
President HARRISON said popular member OF Ma
tlonal reputation TO a newspaper correspondents IL
viii cause too many hcartburnings at home you
know I'VE had a pretty good thing in my district and
can probably count two or three terms more D"'
some Of my esteemed fellow citizens who Always
culorlze me have grown a-weary WAITING for me to
move out and give them chance when some M'''
friend first suggested that would honor General liar
rson's Administration at any European court no
newspapers in the biggest county in my district 'ooh
the matter ND They were sorry TO think Of losing
me- Int ~ my services abroad could be more useful 10
/ the country they would regretfully part with me-
Thcn they went on 10 show why that particular county
| should name the next Congressman. From TINS !,
was an easy step 10 the claims OF inolVldui
candidates Pretty soon other counties IN the ue''0
took tie question up. Their organs OF puphc oplnon
rather hated to ose me-. but If IT must be they wou"
sacrifice their own interests for the country at large
Then they would 90 on to show why ther locality
had inst the right kind Of timber for successor inc
result Of all this IS, that great many OF my peope
look upon nv appointment TO some fine post anfOao'
as settled fact And my popularity is really wohuer-
ful lust now could for Minister to AUSTRIA or
Germany, or Russia. and don't believe the opposi-
on would dare 10 name a candidate against me- Local
/ party leaders who have been luhewarm or VINO nav
become disaGeotod, arc wing with ono another III
cor,plirnentlng me- Tho talk IS something Ike TINS
| Sorry very sory to have you go. But II VIII DC
! great honor to our nelghborhood. And II we must
concede that the National Administration has the
stronger claim. we'll try find poor substitute 10
] take your place in Congress. Our compliments once
NOR Good luck and goodby'-w1th the emphasis
always 'good-by.'
"Now, that's the WAY they're bowling me out OF
| Congress all because OF simple newspaper pain-
graph saying I might be drafted into the dipioma'io
service OF course, after all these compliments IL
would never do to admit that 1 couldn't have my
choice Of tbs best foreign missions. When ne
time comes III simply have TO stay at home because Oh
the urgent demand for the benefit Of my long e1-
pcrience in the House. Tho majority in my district
Is not big enough to risk special election, and this
will also be of some help But the talk about me Tor
any position out Congress, If kept up VIII stimulate
ambition IN 50 many breasts that II VIII Dc as
tressng duty 10 dissppont them all BESIDES ue
notion might take such firm hold that with the pes'
intentions they would actually force me 10 seek some
other sphere OF public lie where my taieh's nuel'
.hinn ,ndnrned biz The shadows OF the wouldbe Con