Los Angeles daily herald., 1888-08-05
THE FREE wHISKEY PLANK.
What a Republican Stump Orator
MmY Expect In the Campatgn.


What n Republican stump Orator
May Expect i'm the Campaign.
Congressman s. s. Cox in his tariff
speech in tie House cf Representatives
thus depicted the prospects of the Repub-
lican stump orator in the coming politi-
cal campaign:
How can you 60 out and answer the
questions pertinent to this campaign
without entangling alliances and con-
fused ideas?
Some taxpayer, tired of your protec-
tive exactions askes:
"Why should only 2,73S,S9 people,
the pets of protection, be favored at the
expense of over 70 per cent. of their
10000, 900 fellow-citizens
What for? The voice from the still.
warm with the tears of widows and
orphans-huskily answers, "For free
whisky!" ..
"Why should we not cheaper clothes,
blankets and carpets by admitting wool
free, since the woolen mills have a
capacity for 600 ,000, 900 pounds and only
240, 900, 900 are raised at home?"
The answer comes like the bleat of a
thousand f1ocks, "Before clothes, blan-
kets or carpets take free whiskyp'
lican from Minnesota
"Worthier, better and juster, it seems
to my mind, would it be to give our toll
ing masses cheaper food, cheaper fuel,
cheaper clothing and cheaper shelter;
cheaper because released from the heavy
and unnecessary burden of high tariff
taxes"
"Pshaw!" says the hide-bound pro-
tectionist, "these articles must remain
taxed to vindicate the American SYSTEM"
That system has as it's genius free
whisky.
A taxpayer inquiries of you:
"Have not the American people paid
in sixty years over 500, 0,000, 900, 900 in the
hope of getting goods cheaper by and by
after the infants have attained their ma
turity? What, my Republican brother,
will you now do?''
The brother answers, "Free whisky"
elias invention done anything for
US ?" asks the impoverished mechanic.
"What do you show US as the result of
our American genius for a century in
mechanics
The answer comes: eve tender you
the worm in the still, the finest invention
of the devil. 1t may take away your
brains and impoverish your families; but
protection must stand We offer you
untaxed, cheap, free whiskyo
| Another inquirer asks: "Why do you
not take the tax off my coat of 'reversi-
BILE napp"
The answer comes: Protection first,
but always free whisky"
| An old lady of West Virginia asks, with
anxiety: 'Why- must pay 90 cents in
addition to every dollar for the crockery
from which I drink my sassafras tea ?''
| "Ah. J" said the protectionist, SIS not
whisky better than tea ?''
A series of questions and answers
might be fred off in the following order
care you going to allow that reduction
cent. duty to 10 on carpets? ?"
"No, but we will repeal the tax on
cigarettes for your young boys, and add
free whisky"
"Won't you support that reduction of
10 per cent. on cotton goods?"
"No, but 1 would love to lower the
whisky tax
"Won't you reduce the tax on castor
oil below -194 per cent-its present
rate ?''
"No; won't condescend to help any
body but those who want the cost of
whisky reduced"
''Please help us reduce the tax on
cheap woolen cloth from SO per cent. to
40 per cent, as Mills proposes-will you
not?"
''No; I do not want to engage in any,
thing else till / have taken the tax of 80
cents a gallon from whisky"
"We are making last effort to reduce
the duty on wool hats from 81 per cent.
Cheap hats. Won't you help us?"
'No, sir; the Republican platform
doesn't say anything about cheap hats.
1t does advocate taking tax from whisky,
and l stand by the platform"
"The worsted goods for my family is
taxed 6S per cent. Help me pull that
down to 40 per cent, will you not?"
mo, sir !; let your worsted goods go to
grass Whisky is more than dollar a
gallon. l want to take the 9O.cent gallon
tax off of it,"
"Now, my friend, the Mills bill pro-
poses to take eleven and one-half mill
lions tax off OF sugar, won't you help US
to pass tt"
"No, for it don't propose to cheaper
whisky one cent?
1T makes salt free. Won't you favor
that?"
"Is salt whisky? Salt amt in our
| pldtlOTm.
cit makes the tin, of which our tin
stove vessels and cans and roofs are
made, free, won't you give us that?"
'Tin is not in the platform; whisky
is."
lit makes lumber for our homes to
keep us warm free. Won't you favor
that?"
"No. want to legislate to warm the
inner man, not the outer one. Give us
free whisky"
When these questions are answered, let
me read summing up to the gentleman
what was said by an old farmer friend of
mine in Iowa. He had evidently been
perusing Sydney Smith on taxation.
| "Lnever wore any cloths that were not
increased in price by this policy of max
ing an almshouse of every possible fac
tory. used to rise on Sunday from NV
humble cot in a log farmhouse. throwing
off the bed clothes taxed 40 to 100 per
cent. and, donning my clothing taxed IS.
to 100 per cent, eat my taxed breakfast
from dishes taxed 45 per cent, on table
| cloth taxed 40 per cent, and when. the
Sabbath bell, taxed 35 per cent, sounded
its inviting notes, took my Bible, taxed
70 per cent, and went to the church
| built OF lumber taxed 20 per cent, and
there in Sunday school song book taxed
70 per cent. (and all these taxes paid to
n 49, IL.