St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-06-04
CAUGHT ON THE CURB.
Two Old BOozers---The Tramp's
SolilOquy on the Barking Dog.

ALMOST TINE.
The press has ceased to talk of things
On which il long has raved,
So let us now chip in and have
All hairy butter shaved.
X
at was during the war, when our
forces were encamped near a town in
Tennessee" said an old soldier. that
funny incident occurred that [ often
laugh over. A corporal had managed,
by frequent trips to the town, to get
comfortably drunk. He was reported to
the colonel of his regiment, and ordered
to report to headquarters at once. Gen.
James B. Steedman, the well-known
hero of Chickamauga,' was sitting with
the colonel when the corporal reported.
lie was still quite full, and Gen. Steed-
man did the questioning.
''IS there any truth in this report,
corporate
mo -hic-sir.'
''Be careful, corporal, be very careful
how you answer. You must remember
sir, that the colonel and l are two old
boOZerS.'
''Ah, me-" unused the old tramp in the
GLOBE tower yesterday, Il often think
me of the adage old which says the
barking dog doth never bite, and [ am
fOrcibly reminded of the truiSm just
now by yon yelping cur that follows
every passer-by short distance and
yelps and SnarlS like one possessed.
Even though the populace objects to
noise, am prone to think it quite
beneficial thing at times. Suppose. for
instance, there are 600 dogs in all st.
ing dog. Then if the adage old be true,
we stand only 500 chances Of being bit
ten. The noisy, mischievous yOungSter
who rOmps about the house from room
to room in noisy play always betrayS his
presence, so that the gentle mother can
follow in his wake and prevent wholesale
obstruction of household goods. IT'S
the quiet, thoughtful youth who is al
ways found with his fingers in the jam
pot. IT'S not the noisy, wordy man
that works the harm, even though he
may be so inclined. His noise is like
the fog-horn. and betrays the coming
danger, which gives US an opportunity
to stand from under. 1t is the quiet,
my purse. IT'S the loud-singing brick
layer, at work on the housetop, that
causes you to look up and avoid the
stray brick that accidentally falls.
Where the bricklayer works in silence
deep. It's then you know not of the dan
ger and your head is crushed. Thus do
L contend that noise is good thing in a
fashion, and It's time the populace did
take the hint
''See that" said an observant young
man as he was walking with friend
down Third street. The friend looked
in the direction indicated, but didn't
see anything but couple of ordinary,
everyday women looking at show win
dow display. well, what is it?" he
man replied, "When those women
stopped to look in at that window, they
both opened their mouths. Ever notice
1t? No? Well it's thing you can gam
bic on! When woman stops to look
at picture OF poster, she'll open her
mouth"
A little farther down the street the
two friends noticed man on the oppo-
site sidewalk who was stalking off with
the measured tread Of grenadier. The
obSerVant young man was on deck
again. There's another thing. That
man is walking on stone block pave
ment, and he steps on every heXagon.
three steps to two hexagons. That
indicates mathematical turn of
mind, because the man doesn't know
that he is taking one step to a block.
Some men uncOnsciously measure dis
lance that way. had friend once,
an engineer, who used to count his
steps as he walked, and double up a
finger at every thousand feet. He lives
here in the city now and never goes
anywhere that he does not repeat the
process. Lots of men count the paving
blocks as they go along the sidewalk.
It's about as sure thing as the red
headed girl chestnut"