River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1888-09-27
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

We fear that the philosopher who
said that ladies who wear unusually
rich gowns keep their husbands unusu
ally poor gave va ice TO a great truth
-Huper's Ba-0r.
1t is not the hand that rocks the
cradle. bat the hand that never had aU
opportunity TO rock the cradle. thai
wants to rule the country.-Nashrii4
American.
"A New Jersey couple were recently
married after a courtship uf twenty
four years. Twenty-four years Of alb
solute bliss is more than most mortals
can expect.-Nsw HareH Ners.
A Michigan man heard that his
grandfather had left him "A portion Of
his fortune, and at the appointed time
went to the post-ofiice TO get his check.
II was for seventeen cents.
1t is all well enough To talk about
a needle being lost in a haystack, but
it would not be lost long if you ever
walk on the hay in your bare feet
Puck
Mr.. Caudle-"DoctOr. | want You
to put up powerful sedative for my
wife; give me the best specific for in
somnia you know OF" Doctor =
whats the matter? Can't she sleep2"
Mr. Caudle-"Yes, l guess so; but |
can't. Burdctte.
"A woman in Georgia, while smOk-
ing a pipe. was struck by lightning
and killed Lightning shows very
poor Judgment, considering the number
of boys that may be seen smoking dig
arettes. N0rriSt0CR Herald
Fashionable Wife-.'Did you no
tice, dear, at the party last evening,
how grandly our daughter Clara swept
into the room?" Husband with a
grunt)-"O. yes, Clara can sweep into
a room grandly enough; but when it
comes to sweeping out room, sho
isn't there"
A Highland custom is that Of ush-
ering in the morning by the music OF
the bagpipe; the piper plays under the
windows of the castle and thus
arouses the inmates The American
custom of ushering in the morning by
the hand organ is equally effective.
Look here" said the railroad
supei fntendent to the conductor, pas
seugers say you are not civil TO them"
I'm just as civil rs / know how to be, =
said the aggrieved conductor. That's
just what they complain OF. was the
reply -Bosf0n Transcript.
Accept my hand, Augusta" And
the maiden looked at the hand, which
was some hing smaller than an average
sized salt fish. hesitated a moment and
then SAID sweetly isn't there some
thing of. mere you take so large an
r?--Bosion Transcript
Magistrate Ito prisoner arrested
for assault)-"You admit, then, that
YOU pulled your landlords nOse?
Prisoner-..Yes Don't you know
you had no right to do that?' no,
sir; if had no right 70 pull his nose
he would have had it down in the
lease. ~ T. SIM.
The manner in which the human
being progresses in Intelligence Is very
simple and clearly illustrated. Take
child and give it quarter. He i'm
mediately tries to swallow it just as il
is. Give a man a quarter and he pru-
IDENTIFY converts it into liquid before
attempting TO swallow it.-Ncrchaai
TrGreier.
-"Ah." remarked the young law.
yer, with blase air, as he waited for
his case 70 be called, Il am so uufortu-
nate in being compelled to wait here Sc
long" Not at all, said the ole
lawyer, rising TO leave. you are SC
fortunate in having the time to wait s.
long" The young lawyer writhed and
The old lawyer went 10 his Office e
complete his essay on Professions
Courtesy" in time for the next number
OF the LeqqI RegjsfeT Time.