Connecticut western news., 1888-04-04
HUMOROUS

A scratch race--Barn yard fowls. S A promising band---The engagement ring.
 The toney girl--The soprano of the choir. .-...
 There will be no eclipse of the honey-b moon this year.
 Tho Envelope Trust does not appear to bear the stamp of public approval. " A Michigan girl has found 2125 four leaved clovers, and iS not married yet.
 ''rm stuck on thft girl," said the court-plaster "Wel5 she breaks mo all up too," remarked,ths peanut candy. -/ Stranger to workman driving rail- way spikes): Are you working for the contractor of this road9 Pat: No sor; Olm workin' fer the calender av it.
 "Look out he exclaimed, suddenly; "there's ice under that snoww "Yes," said she, as he restored her tenderly to the perpendicular, 'T tumbled to it"  In Michig gaq towd there i, girl whose height is ak feet nine inches. When she makes upher mind to get mar riod you may wager she stoops to con- i, quer. /
 It is in the highest degree improper and njust to ridicule man on account of his small stature. Because he hap pens to be little it isn't right to belit- tle him.
 The hen, fool though she is consider. ed, possesses in marked degree the faculty of making much out of little. Feed her corn by the pint and she eats it by the peck.
 The original elements arc earth, air, fire and water. Fire is the most de- structive and water is the most power full. Fire water. therefore, forms com bination that is teaser.
 First Bald head--- That's a beautiful piece the orchestra is playing. Second Baldhead---Ah, it is ono that will al- ways haunt me. "Whyw 'It is the only one my daughter knows"
 A youth took of laudanum an OF
 Because he'd been given the bz
 By his prospective wife;
 But they saved his young life,
 Though his system received quite jk
 An Indiana judge did not know what a cartoon was. A lawyer sketched the body of jackass with his, the judges, head and face attached as specimen and was promptly fined $25 for con tempt of court.
 Depot Master-Dsn't you see that notice2 'Gentlemen not allowed to smoke in this room." Seedy Individ- ual-It doesn't apply to me. Depot Master-Why not9 seedy Individual Because I'm no gentleman.
 Ayoung preacher picked up Bishop Pierce's hat and put it on his own head, and 1t was exactly a fit. 'Why. Bishop" said he, ''your head and mine are exactly the same size." 'Yes," re- piled the Bishop, Ion the outside"
 Mrs. Biggins--- "Ah, Mrs. Stiggins, it's not every woman who has husband like yours. They say he is very indul- gent" Mrs. Stiggins--"Therel I told Joshua that if he kept on indulging on the sly somebody would find it out"
 It is not always safe to reason by " clothes line becomes fearfully tight it does not necessarily follow that every intoxicated gentleman you meet upon the street is confirmed cold water thinker.
 Robbie (sentimentally to his cousin, whom he adores) )-" "Maud, won't you give me some souvenir of yourself to take back to school with meT' Maud "Why, Robbie, dear, of course will.' Robbie (with much pathos) s)-"And you'll let it be something to eat, dear, won't youa"
 A lady who had been abroad was describing some of the sights of her trip to her friends. "But what pleased me most of anything" she continued, "was the Strasburg clock" 70 how should love to see itr' gushed sweet companion; "I am so interested in such foreign sights. And did you see tho Watch on the Rhine, tooa"
 One man can boast a pedigree;
 Of his descent, he says, he's proud.
 Another is self-made, and he
 About his rise talks To lg and loud.