The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1888-07-22
OUR FLAT IN SUMMER.

for us in New York. Maude and l
would have gone out into the country
long ago, but we have been unable to
choose from the bewildering list of
attractions offered by fneighboring
places of refuge. We cannot decide
whether to take New Jersey with a
medium quality of malaria and extra
large mosquitoes, or Long Island where
the malaria is unsurpassed but the
mosquitoes are only middling. Staten
Island offers fair mosquitoes, good ma
laria, Buffalo Bill, and the balmy, per-
petual breezes from the Standard Oil
works. A friend has recommended
Connecticut. He says that man can
beat his fare from the near towns on
the railroad every morning if he will
only act like gentleman and LOOK as
if he had come clear through from
Bridgeport. If 1 ever come to under
stand how a man can do both OF those
things at once with a conductor who
knows anything about Bridgeport, L
may try it. At present we are unde-
cided. and are trying our best to keep
cool in the sweltering metropolis.
When we hired our fat the agent of
the building assured Maude that We
should have the morning sun in our
parlor windows every day, rain or
shine. As the windows looked due
north l was not surprised to find the
celestial luminary made our agent a
liar seven days in the week during the
entire winter. / told the agent about
this, and added that l knew he was a
liar, anyway, which seemed to wound
his sensitive feelings. | am sorry now
that said it, for he was evidently in
duced to make more complete arrange
ments for sunlight in our fat. never
knew the sun to act so before. 1t shines
straight in at both ends of the fat
at once. 1t comes boiling down the
light shaft, and makes it so hot that
children who drop into it from the
upper stories are warped all out OF
shape before they Gamble fished out.
The whole place is furnace.
The other day got so nearly wasted
in our parlor that l ventured
to remove my coat. When
Maude came in. ard saw me
sitting there in my shirtsleeves she
nearly had Mysteries. Maude is pre-
cision, and If she thought that our
neighbors across the way saw me in that
condition she would never get over it.
She gave me a scolding that reminded
me of my sainted New England grand
mother who" ,rougt,t me up" but she
softened the seve- # it somewhat by
offering to make ~, cool coat to wear
in the house. She be, work on it at
once, and for the next t,, % weeks tried
it on seven times dsy. Maude cut it
by pattern out of fashion magazine.
The pattern was undoubtedly good
one, but wasn't built that way. The
original appeared to have suffered from
imdammatory rheumatism and other
things conducive to sWe.lings and head
aches. There was very bad one on
the left shoulder, and Maude had to put
a pad in to ELI It, That drew the gar
ment out of shape n the other side,
and necessitated another pad. Then
there was a slack over my sixteenth
yertebra which called for more cotton
batting, and so it went on. By the
time Maude got that coat to lit in a sat
factory manner there were twenty
seven pads in various places, and the
average thickness was two and three
quarter inches. 1t was about as cool as
a buffalo oVercoat. | had to wear it to
please her, and [ tried to look as COM
Portable as the circumstances would
permit, but it was pretty sultry for me.
l felt that the heat was slowly and
surely undermining my constitution to
such an extent that unless something
was done in a hurry l should totally
evaporate. At this juncture my inven-
tive genius came to my rescue. | de-
vised an article of furniture which ]
am sure is necessity in every Ameri
can home, and though its use is at
tended with some danger-as will here
after appear have no hesitation in
advertising it and accepting my part OF
the profit from its sale that [ can get
hold of. 1t is a combination lounge and
refrigerator. The top lifts by means of
a concealed spring, and the family ice
box is Just underneath, where it will do
the most good. The intelligent reader
may be able to form some idea of the
cool, solid comfort that derive from
this invention. Stretched upon that
lounge | was able to wear the steam
chest which Maude made for me, and
smile as if l enjoyed it. The only OBJ
lection lay in the fact that our Hlbern
ion cook was obliged to disturb me
| CNCly biblS SAO WoiAVSo q wv Swan Va q
piece of butter.
We bad a swell visitor in our fiat
one day. She arrived in the middle of
the afternoon. and was to take dinner
with US. Maude regarded her as a
person of great consequence, and was
afraid that our style of living would not
come up TO our guests idea of the
luxuries enjoyed by the wealthy. 1t
was scorching hot day. Our Bridget
had ben sitting on the fire escape
tanning herself with dust pan since
IL O'Clock, and did not venture into the
fiat till about an hour after Mrs. Van
Highton arrived. l caught sight of her
lowering about in the hallway with
such an expression of melancholy on
her countenance that L was moved to
excuse myself, and slip out to ask her
if our neighb RS cats had eaten our
dinner during her absence.
"Dlvil cat" said Bridget, with a
groan, but the lady beyant there, do
be settin' on it this blessed minute, an
will be afther asking her to get up
while lift the steak out of the cooler ?''
The horror of the situation flashed
upon rae in q minute. all our perish
able provisions were in by patent ice
COX.
go back into the kitchen, Bridget. !"