Richland beacon. [volume] (Rayville, La.) 1869-1890, 1888-01-07
THE .JOKER'S BUDGET.
HUMOROUS NOTES CLIPPEO
FROM OUR EXCHANGES.
He Read a Piccc.-Shc Will Mako
Him Tired.-Hc Wanted tho
HouSc.-Not Worth Whilc.-A
willing Martyr. etc, etc.

WIND INSTRUMENT.
Socialistic Orator:-Yes, my down.
trodden fellow sufferers, the time has
come"
Crowd: Hooray!
BROKEN UP.
Wifc-Why, James, where have You
been! Your clothes are torn, your iace
is scratched and your hair in confusion.
What's the matter!
Husbard-Oh, nothing. l just tried
to pass Il shop where fall opening OF
bonnets was i'll progress.
HE KNEW BETTER.
81 tell YOU what it is, Gus; Aramin-
ta's father can't appreciate us. lie has
no soul" .,
"Oh, he hasn't. eh9 Well, if you'd
been in my place last night you'd have
thought he was al sole.
CARRIED HIM OFF.
Judgc.-What excuse have you to
offer for this violent assault!
Prisoner.-I was carried away 10y an
uncomfortable temper.
Judge.-Well, I'll see that you arc
carried away by the Sheriff.
| BOSTON AWAY BEHIND.
Teacher-Now, children, / am going
| TO tell Won about the prophet Daniel,
| who. though cast into q den OF lions
New scholar drcsh from New York;
Have You only just got ON to that heref
-BostoR Record.
ENOUGH Is A FEAST.
| Old Man with emotion)-DO you re-
aliZc. nv dear sir, that you are asking
me for the only daughter that l havci
Young Man (calmly)-Ycs, sir; but IT
Won had a dozen | wouldn't want but
one.
DIFFERENCE.
"Carp" says Tat most OF the folks
that make u success IN the clty come
from the country. The rule works both
ways. When a city man buys inrm
he raises cabbages at 50 head, when
no farmer is ever able to do.
Smith-Don't you think could bc o
mashcr!
Jones-Certainly, you could.
Smith-How shall beginl
Jones-Youve already begun; 1 not
iced the baby put ripe tomato in tho
chair before you sat down.-Omdha
Herdh.
THE LATEST.
A North Side matron bought roll Of
oilcloth mt ncighboring store.
''Shall 1 have it delivered!" asked the
merchant
"No, thanks, was the reply. II
shall carry it home, and all the women
Oh our street will think [ have the very
latest thing out in the way Of o pocket
book.
| A WESTERN INCIDENT.
In Chicago-The lady is leaning on
the arm of an elegant and wealthy young
man, and leading her little daughter by
the hand.
Little Daughtcr-Oh, ma, r1a, look
there! See that gentleman on the other
side. Don't yOu know him =
Ma-N-no, my dear.
l.. D.-Why, mamma! He was papa
last year.-TOrn Topics.
HE NEEDED REST.
First Omaha Youth WHATS the mat
ter. Got day off.
Second Omaha Youth-No, I've re-
signed.
"What for?"
"Ncarly worked to death. The store
was always crammed full OF customers S,
and it Just kept me on the jump all day.
Couldn't stand it,
"But what are you going to do now e.
81 shall try to get place IN sOmo
store that don't advertise.
GOOD TIME To QUARREL.
A nan went to the house of q neigh
bor to get him to indorse note for him.
The neighbor, however, refused, say
ing: ,,,. =,
'If was to pit my name lill't ye wad
get the siller frne the bank, and when
. the time came aroond We wadna bo
ready end wad ha to pay't. sac then
you and me wad quarrel, sac we mao
Just as wcel quarrel the moo as lang 8
the siller's in my pouch
ONE FOR THE MICROBE.
Mrs. Noseup has always contended
that her husbands tobacco habit was o
vile thing.
"There," remarked Mrs. Noseup, as
she turned from the scientific JOURNAL
ssit saws here that there are no microbes
to be found in tobacco"
"That's where the micrObe shows his
good sense, said Mr. NOseup.
HE WANTED IT.
+, Real Estate Agent-Tll be honest
with you, sir, SO that if you rent thii
l house you will have no reason to COM
. plain.
t Prospective Renter-Well, what's tho
natter"
a "There's general belief among the
t neichbors that this house is haunted.
: .The deuce you say! What sort OF
! ghost"
t "a woman with long black hair, who
G goes from room to room Mt midnight
G passing through doors and walls, and
Il finally vanishing
# "Jmst name your figure for that hous'
r and LII move i'll to-day
i "You'rc not afraid y
n "Afraid! Why, I'm running a DIM
: museum at Kansas City, and card lik
8 that would paralyze the town. I'll lass
J. that ghost or die.-NeJruska State Jour
= .a,.
:, SHE WILL MAKE HIM TIRED.
+ A young man and his father-in- lay
# went cunning. They returned about
" o'clock, and were met Mt the door by tn
Il bride of the younger man. The youn
4 lady brushed past her father, and strok