The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1888-01-22
THE CERMA'l 6ARGeR.
Nc Wares Inquisitivc. Has - Fight and
Wins the bar.

Wins the Day.
"You vos commercial draG,er, chr
"No.n
Tho assistant to the German barber was
the ono who asked the question, addressing II
20 q slender but middle aged man in tho chair
at which he earned his far from monotonous
way through life. lie had shaved this Gus
toner two or three times before, and was
endeayoring to find out all about him, as al
BARRIERS always have done when their curl
osity was up and their man was down and
lathered and well tucked in.
ooh, you're choost CLERK ny sdorc, eh!
"No; shave up whin you git to me neck.
Nc neck is finder"
"Certently; / know dot. Maybe you peen
in der ligrer peczness. Veil, dots a fine
peczness, barticklcr uf you got good
shtand. know trent Of mine from der
same VILLAGE where | vos born, ind he
GOT
ME frind, Dim not in the saloon trade, at
all, and so ye're joost wastin' yer breath.
Aisy wild your razor on me chin"
GAN rigid; you kecb your peezness by
yourselluf choost like to make mineselluf
bolite init you, dots all"
The job WIS practically finished, the last
strokes OF the brush were being applied, when
"the monkey barber" as the boss always
called him, on account Of his foolishneSs, OK
hibited loss both Of temper and discretion,
owing to the customers re.icence.
"Uf you vos ashamed Won your pcezness
you done right not to told Something's apowd
dot; vot it vos A mans got 10 put Won eye
out ind look sharp like der tefile nowadays,
on ackound uf Anthony Gomstocks und In
sbector Williams und der society for der bre-
wention uf cruelty, alretty; bartickler uf he
vos doing crooked peezness, yet"
Thunder and starsl' shouted the Gus
toner, literally beside himself and sprnging
out OF tho chair. "Fwhat dye name at all,
wild yer slackl Ne bizness is me bl2neSs, and
it's not the rights Of amy monkey faced,
cracked jawed laIrup iy Dootch diyll to
Grass QUESTION me fwhIniver he has me laid
out in a chair at his convenience. Me biz
ness, is it, It's ickin' the Dootch; that's
fwhat il is. There now; come on, now, TIL
polish the flure wild yer head
"Hor on! Sdop leetlcl Wait choost Il
minute!" said the boss, rushing TO the aid Of
his assistant. "Dis ding got to been played
ovid. Wheeler lcks Do poy must first lick
miuesolluf. 1t vos fife year, now, yot efTcry
bugnacious lrshmans by der city has poen
licking dot poy, ind it costs mo weeks
wages for substidoot each dime alretty.'
"Orll lick the two nv yer and all yer rela-
tons" said the irate customer. Dye think
ON lay shhll and let q comic picture from
n Dootch paper wall! all over no wild his
tongue
"Chimany cracky" shoutel the German
barber, selling the hot water kettle with its
gallon Of boiling contents. "a man can't die
more as voace, alrctty. Run, or / boil you
nit der kettle Chasei Why der tichcns
don't You DO somedinGs' Kick der stofc oier
ind CLIMB by der sdrect uEd yell like scxty,
or chung down his troat ind carve your way
ovid from his boots nit der razor. show
you, you pig loayer'
At tho same instant the German barber be-
gan to swing the kettle like q madman. The
assistant lifted the great slab of marble OF
the table, and both advanced toward the Gus
toner. They were too much for him. lie
seized his hat and oyercoat and fed, pausins
at the door TO hiss something about hnatic
asylum between his teeth.
when 10 had COMO the German barber
dropped into chair in a paroxysn Of
laughter.
"Chake said be, dots der greatest day
uf my iie-Now York Sun.