Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-02-01
WIT AND HUM0R.

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WIT AND HUM0R.
We now write 1888, and who j
alive that wrote 1777, or that vii
write 1999.-Ex.
The game laws are very rigidly Ell
forced at the West. If a man i
caught cheating at poker he is sho
across the table.-Ex.
A woman confesses to the marry
ing of eight husbands. Few womel
possess her power to fasten-eight-men
Burlington Republican.
BY some mistake in the makeup
of an Eastern paper under the head
ing, Reduction in Cas-" it was stat
ed that REV. DR.. receives only
$50 for lecture now that he former
ly got 500 for" Star.
Miss Al am surprised that you
are so cold and distant toward your
younger brother.
Mr.. B-You see, he is only a dis
tant relative of mine. Just think
there are no less than five brothers
and sisters between us.-Ex.
Old gentleman putting a few ques-
tions] s]-Now, boys-ah-can any OF
you tell me what commandment
Adam broke when he took the for.
hidden fruit? Small scholar Hike a
shot Please, sir, tn worn't no com.
mandments then, sir.-Punch.
A little fellow, with tall, stalwart
wife, was asked by friend if the con-
trast between them didn't often expose
him to notifying remarks. "Oh, ]
don't mind that" he said cheerfully
"but since Sarah has grown near-sight-
ed have to look sharp for fear she'll
step on me."-Ex.
Whats that ?" asked country
gentleman in music store.
"That Oh, that is used on violns.
1t is called a chin rest"
"Chin rest, is it? Well, gimme
one, it's just the sort Of thing l want
for New Years present for my
wife. Texas Siftings.
Professor at Vassar (to class Now
who can tell me the most wonderful
achievement of the nineteenth centu-
ry? Miss Morris, l see your hand
raised.
Miss Morris (proudly)-My sister
Nellie has taught her pug dog, This.
tie, to chew gum.-Judge.
A young lady of Philadelphia re-
ceived a special delivery letter. The
handed her the book to
sign for it. She took the book, and
instead of writing her signature she
wrote: Dear John: Glad to hear
from you. Come up Saturday night"
She had answered the letter.-Ex.
The presence or absence of single
letter sometimes involves a great
change. Yesterday the Portland
Press said: mine persons who died
at Sergeant Hendricks S house in Mem
phis, Tenn, Sunday, were seriously
poisoned by eating ice cream. 1t is
they will recover. Bangor
Commercial.
Little Jack has been forbidden TO
lsk for dessert. The other day they
forgot to serve him, and as Jack is
very obedient, he remained silent, al
though much affected. Josephine"
said the father, pass me plate"
Wont you have mine, papa?' cried
little Jack ; "it is very clean. New
York Telegram.
The remains of an English travel
er had been exhumed fo, interment
N the family vault. When the coffin
was opened the spectators started
back in alright "Why, these appear
% be the remains of lion" EYES,"
replied a nephew of the deceased with
4 sigh, that's the lion that ate him
up; uncle's inside of him '-Ex.
Boy, what does that spell ?" ask
I'd primary school teacher at Law
renee, Mass. Infant class scholar
Il dunno" Don't know? Who does
know? Hold up your hand if you
know. You can tell pointing to
Dig club in the back seat. "What
was every man once p And the
eacher nearly tainted when the big
,hub roared out: Drunk. ."-Ex.
A four-year-old tot to-day invited
.hree older playmates into an ice
cream saloon, where she magnificent
y ordered four plates of cream.
When the delectable food had been