The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1888-07-19
Full OF FuN.

MIR. Smith--"Are you fond Of re-
pertee, Miss Elsiep" Elsie--"No, cir, I
prefer Oolong."
MAN 10 considered the provider OF
family. That IL the reason the little
ones look to their fodder for sustonanco.
--Binghamson Republican.
Bishop dining with the family
$50 you wouldn't like to be Bishop,
Bobby, when you grow upp" Bobby
"Td like TO we'll enough, but AZ every
body says take after mas side Of the
family, don't s'pose I'll ever be fat
enough for a Bishop. IN Y. Sun.
She Cooking at the sea)--"How
grand, how glorious, George, It Is to
watch the angry waves as they lnsh
themselves against the shore" He
(with equal ecstasy, but less Auency)-
Eyes, and--and--how damp II oil
seemsr'--Life.
Proprietor (scornfully) = ''Drust
you for den centsP You dinks gets
me dem zour krout for noddings, amt
itp don't was drust mine fadder for
den cents" Brady-"For wud /,
bedad. Nor wud. any body who knew
the ould thafe, bad coss to himi"-
Tsras Sittings.
Rich Old Lady (entering palace
car)-"1 want seat on the shady side,
porter" Portcr--"On whichever side
you sit will be the sunny side" The
old lady gives him dollar, and writes
to the papers TO complain Of the over
worked condition Of the palace-car
employees. -Harper's Bazaar.
She had been singing Home.
Sweet Home" to her husband-his
favorite song-and as the last note of
the beautiful melody trembled on the
air Bridget opened the door and said:
''The landlord is at the frunt dure,
sorr, an says that II he don't get the
back rint tomorrow marnin' he must
hav the house. ."--7eras Siftings.
She wanted to take somo lessons
in archery, but she was very, very,
verdant. "Have you o bow and quiverp"
asked the teacher. "Ye-ye-yes,"
she hesitated, II havo a beau, but /
haven't quiver any more. He's been
coming for about two months now, and
I'm used to it."-Cyitic.
Physician Ito patient)-"You are
suffering from nervous prostration, sir.
Have you been drinking heavily Of
latep" Patient-"No. SIR" Physician
-"Business matters trouble you to-
dayP" Patient-"No, sir; / wasn't at
the Office at all, I've been having my
baby's photograph taken"
| -Jack-"Isn't it about time, Des-
pard, that you returned the twenty
dollars you borrowed Of mo some
months agop" Despnrd generously
-"Oh, don't let that worry you, old
fellow. When do settle, propose to
pay interest on the money. I'm a
square man, Jack, and never go back
on friend. y Bits.
yes" said Uncle Rastus. 'I'se
been takin' brain food TO- ter stimulate
my mem'ry, an its wukin' fust rate. ="
II hope 1t has worked sufficiently for
you to remember, Uncle Rastus, that
you have owed me seventy-fve cents
for over a year." "Yes, sab; dat was
one OBJ de fust things numbered. and
jes' as ! was gwine 'roun' TO- ter pay de
money also 'membered dat wuddent
have muffin ler ter buy Goldfish wifi.
Dat brain food. .Mistah Smif, am or
great discovery."-Epoch.
-O'Tara (marshal Of the organiza-
tion known as tho Verdant Sons OF
Erin)-"Now, thin! want to say to
the members, that whip at perade rist,
l shall expict aich an livery wan to
stand in the position OF a sojer, with
their hands clasped and their arms
folded" O'Hara "a private. with an
inquiring mind)-"Will ye please show
US, Mr.. 'O'Tara, how that can be
donep" O'Tara (equal to the emer.
gency)-''Do as I bid yez, now, and
kape more silence in thin ranksl"-
Idea.