davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-01-14
He Wasn't Used to 1t.

Texas Sifungs.
At banquet given not long since at
the gubernatorial mansion, Austin,
Tex, an old fellow who had been in
vited. and who knew nothing of wine,
sat drinking champagne. Looking up,
with an expression of disgust, he said ::
Here, darby, don't want no more
of this stuff"
whats de matter with hit. boss?''
SCOT no body to it. want sOmethin'
that'll jolt me like [ was hit with a
maui"
"Wall, boss" turning and grinning at
his companions, you stick ter hit and
hit'll stick to you
Here, what is the stuff-sweetened
rainwateree"
mo, sab. hits champagne"
"Got no whisky?"
mo, sah."
''Say, this'll stick to me?'>
''Do hit shO, boss, eff You stick ter hit"
The next day, after some one had kept
him from committing suicide, he found
the negro waiter, and said:
Say, can't you get me some of that
blamed stuff to take home? Thar'S a
Teller up in the mountains, in Gillespie
county, that I've shot at six times. l
want to give it to him. Russle roun,
an git me a gallon er so. an will pizen
the county judge an kill the Teller l
shot at. U lOrdy! how my head aches"
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-01-14
STORIES TOLD BY HUMORISTS
He Answers the Adj.

Calcutta Times.
A venerable New Yorker recently adj
vertised, asking any one who wished to
go to Europe under pleasant auspices to
apply to him, and giving his address.
This advertisement was seen late one
night by young man who had been
dining freely. He cogitated awhile and
then told the club porter to call cab,
into which porter and cabby hoisted
him. He told the man to drive to the
address given in the advertisement. Ar
rived there he was assisted to the side
walk, and with much dignity ordered
the cabby to practice Oh the knocker of
the old-fashiOned residence. The ad-
vertiSer stuck his venerable head out of
the window and howled: "What do
you mean by waking me up at this
hOur?''
''Come t. anSher 'yertiSement."
"Well. sir, what have you to say?"
'ThatS ORR. I've come to shay: Very
shorty, but l can't go with you. Goo
nj"
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-01-14
ssTIPPING" IN CONGRESS.
The Practice More Frequent in
the Senate Than the House.

On Friday, at the close of the session,
Senator Stanford presented each of the
fourteen pages with a five dollar green
back as Christmas gift. The young
sters are, as may be imagined, loud in
their praises OF the senator's generosity,
says the Washington correspondent of
the New York Herald.
Although the senate is largely COM
posed of wealthy men, but little is spent
upon the senatorial attaches. 1t is for
this reason that the pages are so enthu-
siastic over Mr.. Stanford'S action. None
of the boys who have been employed
about the chamber for the past half a
dozen years remember anything APP
preaching it.
A s'tip" of IS cents is so rare as to
create comment. Senator Quay, of
Pennsylvania, sometimes hands the
boys a quarter, but his example finds
few imitatorS. He gave a page ten
dollar gold piece the other day, but
some of his fellow senators are unkind
enough to say that he miStook it for a
fifty cent piece.
POPULAR SENATOR'S.
Next to the man who gives them
money the boys love the senator who
favors long and frequent adjournments.
The late Senator Miller, OF California,
endeared himself to the boys by his
persistent efforts to secure an adjourn
ment each week from Thursday until
the following Monday. Since Mr.. Mil
ler's death Don Cameron has followed
this course, and as consequence the
boys pray nightly that he may long con-
tinue member of the body.
The men who are next popular with
the boys after the ''tipster' and the
early adjourner are those who give the
pages the least trouble. There are few
of these. Senator Hearst, of California.
is one, Matt Ransom, OF North Caro-
lima, is another, and so are Sawyer,
of Wisconsin, and Dolph, of Oregon.
These gentlemen either wait upon
themselves or call upon their clerks for
what assistance they need. Senator
Mitchell, Of Oregon, and Jones, of Ar
kansas, are the two members of the
body to whom the boys give wide
berth. Their wants are apparently
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-01-14
to him he'd get peppered an hey tC
makehiS yyay hack

to him he'd get peppered an hev to
''I'd been standin' in the wet snow so
long I'd kinder got chilled through, an
moved aroun' little bit to warm up.
But KEEP a-watchin' them snakes, an
didn't notice what L was dom close
enough. Jest then the OF Teller
tongue, kinder as il he wuZ pOkin' fun
an DARN t'Other snakes to do their
wust. All of sudden the hammer Of
my gun caught on limb Of bush, an
Off she went. She don't bark very loud,
you knOw,an' when the big snake began
shown Sech contempt fur t'other side
thar was mOnstrous rattlin' up at the
cave, so that the snakes didn't hear the
shot. Wall, the muzZlo jest happened
to be pinted plumb in a line fur the OF
feller's head, an Pm durn'd II the
BULLET DIDN'T STRIKE HIM
far an squar, an arter squirmin' an
thrashin' 'rOun' fur minnit he stiff
ened out, deader'n door nail.
""0ther snakes stopped, and arter
waitin' to see if he wasn't jest playin'
'possum, they all wriggled down to
where he wus lynn They was about
the s'priSeSt lukin' snakes you ever
seed when they found he was dead, and
couldn't figger out jest what he'd killed
him. Wall, they sent snake up to the
cave, whar the rattlin' he'd stopped,
and he kim back with six other snakes,
an they kinder nosed round the corpse
an then went off to one side an seemed
to listen to what t'other snakes wuZ tell
in them, jest 'sif they wuz holdin' a
coroner's quest. Then they
seemed kinder satisfied he'd BIN
hit by a frozen SNOWFALL. fur one of the
snakes rolled up an icy chunck fur the
jury to lux at, an then they seemed
a tryin' to fin out who'd trun it, but
after awhile gin it up. The snakes then
formed into perSeShun, an couple of
'em fastened their tails round the
corpse and led the way up to the cave.
One snake, evidently a female, begin to
belier suthin' like bull-snake when
they WIZ nearly thar, an sized it up
she WIZ the cOrpse's widder, if snakes
are so MISFORTUNE as to git married.
They all crawled into the hole, totin' the
dead snake, and disappeared, an then
concluded didn't want to cook no
breakfus' by that fire, nohow, an sOt off
on dog trot an didn't stop till l wuz
five miles away.
Gentlemen, I'm kinder dry. Who
said Suthin'?''
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-01-14
THE LATEST DISCOVERY.

When Newton discovered the apple
IL must have been during the ''fall''-
When Fulton discovered the steamboat
And China the raging CANAL
When Eve set her eyes on the serpent,
When Franklin went flying his kite
And pulled for mis- own observation
From the sky the electrical light
When Columbus went sailing the ocean
For a mythical India bound,
And at last after hunger and tempest
On American soil came aground
When Edison studied and pondered
And found the machine called ''hello'-
The epoch was great-but this morning
My baby discovered her toe
And she lies on her pillow, and wonder
Is deep in her wonderful eyes
And the dimples are answering her smiling
And her smile is the smile of surprise.
She's wee baby yet. but more famous
In one cosy household know
Than all the great heroes of earth arc
Because she's discovered her toe.
Fred Nye.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-01-14
A Pernicious Diet.

Boston Transcript
The porter at certain store in the
wholesale quarter is an Irishman, very
popular i'll the store, whose education
was unfortunately neglected in his early
days. He has learned, however, to read
passably we'll; but his ideas of spelling
are still primitive.
The other day he had a newspaper
and was bordering over the advertise
meets.
"Mellen's-food- infants" lie read
slowly. FOOD for infants. is it? Be
the mother of Moses, thin, it's moighty
poor food for infants melons isl
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-01-14
Proposed to Save Half Of 1t.

Cincinnati Enquirer
Excuse me, sir, but are you pick
pocket"
Eyes, sir, lam
81 want you to do me favor
''What is it?''
Il have several thousand dollars in
my pocket, and as it will be quite late
when get home / shall naturally over
sleep myself in the morning.
Il see.'!
'There is my card. If you will watch
my house tomorrow forenoon until you
see my wife start out with an I'm-going-
a-shopping cast in her eye, and will rob
her and divide with me I'll be your
friend for life'
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-01-14
A Thing of the Past.
Sioux Falls Argus-Leader.

The change in the attitude Of the
press of the territory towards the Ques-
ton of division" is most noticeable as
indicative of the change that has taken
place among the people. "There is
none SO low as to do division reverence
now" sit is thing of the past" and.
like the Republican party, ''has out
lived its usefulness"
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-01-14
Dakota the Place for Eastern
Farmers Who Have Little
Money to Invest.
There Are Plenty Of Cheap
Lands in the Best Sec
lions Obtainable.
The Evidence Of Men Who
Have Tried Farming in
the East and West.
Letters Of Some Well-Known
Citizens, Telling What
Can Be Done.

Another installment of letters from
Dakota farmers is printed in this issue
of the GLOBE. They bear the stamp of
genuineness, and show their freedom
from any interested influence, because
the names are signed to them. And
they are not written by land agents or
money lenders, or men who would hope
to reap pecuniary benefit by getting
people to leave their homes in the East
and come to Dakota. The letters come
from bona fide farmers, who have mostly
lived on their lands for years and know
whereof they speak. They contain a
great deal of valuable information for
people in the East and South who are
seeking homes in the Northwest. and
they ought to induce a considerable
amount of immigration to Dakota.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-01-14
The Survival Of the Fittest.
Standard

The newspapers Of South Dakota are
gradually thinning out. The business
has been overdone in many towns, max
ing it Improbable for the publishers
and compelling business men % carry
The survival Of the fittest is gradually
working out to Tho profit Of allsparties.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-01-14
Couldn't Meet the Requirements.

An old-time backwoods test of
strength was to stand in half-bushel
measure and shoulder two-bushel sack
of wheat. Several luSty farmers were
discussing the feat pro and con in the
vicinity of the market yesterday.
''ill bet you HOrny-Palm, there, can
do it.'' said one, pointing to brawny,
suffering chap of six foot three.
''B-b-boys, d-dOn't bet Oh mel
c-can't stand in the ha-a-lf-buShelr'
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-01-14
The Dear. Unselfish Creature.

Texas Siftings.
Mr.. Sampson (passionately)-''I love
you deyotedly, Miss Chumley, but my
pecuniary affairs have prevented my
making a declaration until now But l
have put enou away now to feel justi-
fed in asking you to become my wife,"
Miss Chumley (hesitating but sweetly)
81 confess that am not wholly indif-
ferent to you, but-but-"
But what, dear?"
would you mind telling how much
you have put away?"
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-01-14
MYSTERY EXPLAINED.
Herrmann's Wonderful Trick lie Co.
con" Exposed by Reporter.
A DECEITFUL PIECE OF TAPE.
It Looks Small But Will Support Half
a Ton---The Beautiful Mystery
of a Flower.

URING the past sea-
son Hermann, the
magician, has been
mystitying the the
ater-gOers here and
elsewhere with a
performance that he
calls "Le Cocoon"
Those who have not
seen the illusion
have, 10 doubt. no
ticed the Autograph
ic illus ira lions
which were so pien-
tifully scattere d
throughout the city,
and have become
al 81
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-01-07

There = great intensity q the physics
condition sometimes, and there are 6c11
which We cannot go behind. In illustyar
ton further Of facts which settle the points
OF prompt and permanent cure, the fol-
lowing cases are cited: In 1854 ms. Mary
neuralgia She writes from ITO Maryland
Avenue, Washington, d. C. In the 6fst i'm
stance she states: II suffered terribly With
neuralgia in the face; very severe attack
extending 10 hack and shoulders; suffered
intensely. Tried st. Jacobs Oil; bod parlD
well rubbed 1t night: in the morning al
pain gone, magically." June ~. MS, she
follows: Pour years ago ! sent you vol
untary certificate setting forth the fhct that
had been great sufferer with neuralgia in
my face, neck and shoulders. obtained Q
bottle Of 81. Jacobs Oil, and aftcf three up.
plicatons was entirely relieved from al
poin, and from that time 10 the present
have never had . return. The ehect ves
g. Troll, st. Louis, Mo-, writes: "In March,
1881, suffered terribly with neuralgia; had
Jacobs Oil At SIS A. n. at $40 took the
rag of; 1t 9 A. n. went to work. In In
than tive minutes aftef that the pain w.
gone: The one application cured me. Hays
not had return q II since" M: =. W.
'Years ago had neuralgia; am not subject %
i now. Tho cure by the use Of St. Jacobs
Oil was permanent. There has been no ~
currence Of the painful adlicfion." Chez.
W: Law. Jr., Pottstown, Pa, April 10. 1851,
writes: WAS troubled for years With neu-
ralgia in neck and head. Tried 81. Jacoho
Oil had tried di1Ierent kinds a remedies
without effect. One bottle Of the former did The
business. No retum Of pain and achss." n
llMQgt eYeIY instance the Eepo9ts ere thaQmn,
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-01-07

ths inquiries - well - II l had liveo
there. The best time for setting out
the plants in the Gulf States is from
September Is to November Is II the
plants arc strong and set in October.
they will begin to bear in January. and
the bulk Of the crop will be harvested
inf ebruary and March Unless the
weather IS cool or cloudy. shade the
plants for week after being set. Give
manure literally. and there is mono
better than that from the cow.pens.
Aulching is not necessary. but is adj
visable. and some growers allow the
weeds to grow from the finish
Of fruiting until October: 10 shade the
plants Crescent Seeding does we'll
in the South. could not promise that
the Sucker State would do rs well
there as in lllinois-I fear it would rot
be 50 luxuriant and that the berries
would lose in quality. Lit lie G ant
and Neunan's Prolific can be depend
Cd on. but there are more desirable
sorts. very likely. Finally. no grover
should begin on q large scale IAN
Alabama correspondent writes that he
intends to begin with Ten acres this
fsiD. Go slow until you have tested
varieties and methods; and do not in
crease above home demand until you
are sure OF good shipping facilities.
However. q grower in u locality where
berries have been little grown can
tho home demand.-L Hats,
IN american Garden.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-01-07

Can that system Of farming be right
which improvcrishes the soil and re-
duces the yield? Can that system Of
farming be right and profitable which
docs not improve the soil and increase
the yield?
The average farmer in the South is
attempting to cultivate too much land.
The average farmer in the South owns
more land than he can manage profit
ably. Tho time. labor and money ex-
pended on twenty acres should be con.
centrated on ten. But il was one of
those venerable and reverend customs
Of the past which. although unprofit-
able and wasteful and unsuited to
those conditions imposed by the de-
struction Of our slave-labor system.
We still cling to with singular tenacity.
The slave-owner of the South
was rich in proportion as he
was able 70 increase the number of
his slaves and 10 multiply his
broad acres. And what though, BY
his system Of farming. fair and fertile
AACsuS WCtC cAu0uStcSls I0lU waste anu
He had but to slay and
destroy his magnificent forests to re-
place them with fresher and richer
fields to be in their turn depleted, ex-
hausted and ruined. Thus was this
goodly heritage. which the Col Of
Nature had SO bountifully provided,
wasted and positively robbed. and to-
lay. all over tho beautiful
hills and plains Of this fair
and. abandoned. exhausted fields
md quilted hillsides greet the
.ye as tho mournful footprints of
'lavery. Shall this process Of deple-
ion. exhaustion. waste and ruin be
Shall the generations
which are to follow us continue to BE-
Mr. President slavery is gone. In
he name Of progress. in tho name Of
'ur children. let those systems and
'ractcies born of its existence go with
f.-Ecsract from Speech Of L. L. POLL,
Editor Progressive Farmer.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-01-07
sSnEs

itsss-A TsUs Wsoanb HaAolasy.
Several worln bearing unique titles, win.
tn IN fascinating style, md giving evid0noo
Of wonderful imaginative power lave lh1ely
men rscs'ysd y re Essdins public viii
Perhapc the most striking Of then b IL
book bearing the odd titleoY S6he." In this
Tho author has fairly outdono himself in hio
popular line. AyeshA end her beloved Xal,
1krateo are unique characters IN fiction,
AyeehA the heroine. II beautiful creature
who tasted OF the Essence Of natures forces
q The fountain head, and became immortal.
Her patient waiting for the coming Of
Kallikrates, the beloved Of her youth,
whose individuality was maintained through
centuries, though the change called death
regularly occurred, only e 70 followed b.
fidelity.
Tho closing scene, when she conducts
Kalikretes 70 the very center Of the earth,
the birthplace Of al life, in order that b
may taste ofimmortality, II 1t climax %
Tho question naturally suggested by this
strikingiy original story 10 whether there d
not somewhere In nature, . potent force
whereby life may 1t least b temporarily
M. Annie Jenness-Mlller, editor Of
sDress, says: .In every instance Warmers
Safe Cure has the efRectto give new energy
and vitality 70 all my powers" Nine. Gray,
teacher Of Oratory and Physical Culture st
Syracuse, declares: Before tried physical
culture and Warmers safe cure, ] was .
confirmed invalid. owe much to that ex-
cslls1s 5sne 3 and do not hesitate TO -
Human hfe seems too short, though men
IN former ages lived longer than those Of
the present. History tells NJ that they
lived moro In accordance with natures
lAws-their mode Of living was extremely
simple, and in their daily life they followed
the dictates Of human intelligence.
II sickness comes, We Of to-day, seek tho
remedy among the artificial forces instead
Of resorting to the field Of nature.
II when diseases come, We would consult
nature, the chances arc that We would faro
better, for we would then treat the cause Of
such disorders. Modern research has SHOWN
that most Of the commonly known diseases
owe their origin to the unhealthy state Of
the kidneys, the blood purifiers Of the sys-
tenn, and Il they are kept in . healthy state
BY the use Of Warmers safe cure, . veg
stable compound and simple production Of
nature, much Of tho prevailing sickness
would b happily averted.
Il ID probable that the author OF s'She"
derived many Of his beautiful imaginingS |
from close communings with nature, for No /
are al agreed that Whatever IL Of or from |!
nature, u moro beautiful and wholesome |
than that which Is artiAcially constructed
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-01-07

"What . coward that Major Smith ID, ~
said Jones to Robinson, 'swhy, the very
sight Of gun-p0wder would make him III.
How did he ever manage to become On on
Ger in the army"i Don't say anything
once saved my life" '.Saved your life!
Nonsense, impessiblei What do YOU
mean"a Il mean that I was IN the drst
stages Of consumption; I was losinR
strength and vitality every day with the
terrible disease, when Smith advised me to
take d.. Picrce's Golden Medical Discovery
i had tried al kinds Of Incidence without
success, and my physician had e. en- me no
nope; yet here an, - well - ever man
was, and owe my life to Smith, and 70 TIE
wonderful remedy be recommended"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1888-01-07
The Mission Of the HOG,

Tho hog should he regarded and
treated rs an animal machine for the
conversion Of cheap vegetable matter
into more valuable pork-convcrting
bulky and unstable prod ucts into
compact and readily marketable sub
stances A homo market il thus Sc
cured tor crops and much waste mat.
ter on the farm. Instead Of desiring
that these machines may consume Is
little raw material as possible. the
more they consume the better, pro-
vidcd it is Iro6tably converted into
meat. BY arranging . number OF lots
adapted in size to the number Of swine
to be kept 30 thst they will each
open upon q Bermuda pasture from
which swine may 30 turned 1t
will into any OF the crops,
and to which they may be
withdrawn 10 prevent injury
to the land in wet spcllA . succession
OF crops may be grown. especially for
their consumption. as follows: 1. Rive
TO 30 grazed in winter. allowed to
seed. CLEANED and followed by sweet
potatoes A mixture Of corn, peaa
sweet potatoes and decortic, ted cotton
seed fol during latter part OF winter
and spring with collard leaves to add
to the variety. z Oats 70 be gathered
by hogs and followed BY specklod
peas s Early planted speckled peas
to be gathered BY hog. and followed
by fall OATS or rye. L Early crop Of
sweet potatoes to Be followed BY rye.
5. Ground peas between corn rows
both to b gathercd by hogs or the |
corn harvested for use later. &
SPcckled peas between rows
Of sorghum z. Chufas for late
winter use-for stock hogs after finish
Ing up those to be butchered. None Of |
these crops are costly-ths hogs do the
harvesting and together with the usual
small grain fields and pea fields will
produce pork IS cheaply as it can he
grown anywhere There il ALWAYS a
rome market for Southern smoke.
Rouse cured bacon 1t prices above
Western meat OF the same class II
rould not necessarily exclude cotton
rom the farm. nor: indeed. should IL
10 81. but it would reduce the mr.
'nd increase the per acreage prosluc.
ion. Under proper management the
'ork can Be sold II twice the Gust of
while cotton often brings
sss than it costs TO produce II. With
ut intelligent pcrsonal supervision
either this nor any other Agriculture; /,
nierprise will succeed s Nese.
s0A - Eouthevn CkitiVatoc.