Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1888-04-26
sKATH THE BOOMER.
OALF CRY. KAN. April 23d.

CALF CRY, KAN, April 23d, '6s.
Mr.. EDIToR:-Having recently graduated
from the National University of Boomers,
located at W., have organized my symmet-
rical anatomy into a syndicatsand charter
ed the beautiful town site of Calf City, Kan,
and take this opportunity to monopolize
your valuable paper. ink and advertising
space to let the people and the star ofsempire
know just where the future metropolis of
the boundless,. .exhaustless and treeless west
is located, that they may come and lasso
riches and experience.
Calf City is located at the terminus of the
Tenderfoot d Sucker Railroad, which have
chartered, and is now being erected on flat
cap paper with Remington type writer.
Old Madam Nature in her bounteousness
had her eagle eye on me, (although must
have been in somewhat of an embrio state,)
when she created this spot, and when she had
finished her work, and clothed it in luxu-
RANT growth of buffalo grass and prairie
dogs, she waved her old bandana and with
look of serene contentment said: "Here
will raise up Skath and he shall build a city,
and it shall be called Calf, and he shall boom
the city and make it great" This of course
is figurative.
Here is in truth an Elesyum, here the goal
for which the Pilgrims sought. In the dim
and misty, but not far distant future, we see
the towering chimneys of thousand manu-
featuring industries employing hundreds of
thousands of men, stately buildings and
costly homes, long streets teeming with
million happy prosperous souls. The broad
fertile prairies will team, (mules and branches
being cheap,) with happy hurd of grangers,
who will make the breast works of mother
earth swell with pride, corn and native cat
tie. have just instructed the type writer to
make the I. d s. double track, in order to
accommodate the manufactures in bringing
in the raw material from Pennsylvania, Ohio
and Michigan. An agent will be sent to
Lake Superior at once to contract for ore
from the iron mines, and within year the
fires will be started in one of the largest
blast furnaces in the country And while he
is there he will be instructed to purchase the
entire years output of copper ore of the
Keweena peninsula, to supply the immense
stamp mill and smelter. These, with a long
list of machine shops, foundries, chewing
gum fpctory, etc., are among the fixtures
already secured.
To those afflicted with a fear of being
chawed up by cayotes we would say, don't
stay away on that account, we are providing
against an invason from these dismal howlers
by erecting a large battery that will COM
mand and enforce peace from these sneak
ing pests. Shovels are already being made
in the Ohio penitentiary to CO ommence the
work.
A Liberty pole will soon be ordered from
| the wilds of Arkansaw, and when erected
Uncle Sam has promised that here the Ameri-
can Eagle shall roost. The pole will be extra
length SO that his eagleship will be out of
range of the playful cowboys 45.
have just instructed the Remington to
sink an artesian well of 800 barrels per
minute, it is not yet decided whether we will
pump or sink shaft and mine the water,
that depends largely upon the supply of pa
per now on hand. However, don't be alarm
ed, for while water may be little short, we
will be "long' on other liquids in spite of
Prohibition.
Lots in this beautiful future great, proud
Queen of the plains, are now on sale at
reasonable terms with no extra charge for
gopher holes. Come early and secure nice
plot of virgin town lots with buffalo "wal-
Ter" on each corner. need your money to
start the Calf City Bawler, and buy new
cady of tobacco. .t
| Iwant a man of big words and no con-
science to help build few more railroads.
space, am yours with homes for the home
less, and weasle skin to catch their scads.
| SKATH.