Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-11-01
MR.. AND MRS. BOWSER.
Mrs. BIS Painful Corn and Mr.. Bow
Ser'S Boil.
The Old Gentleman Suffers and Suffers
All the World to kn0wi it.
Detroit Free Press.

would put up with such nonsensef"
But 1t would nearly kill me to have it
taken ousn
'Oh! well, 90 as you please about it,
but | want you to understand one thing,
Mrs. BoSser, don't propose that this
house shall be all upset just because you
have corn"
''Some husbands would feel sorry"
"Would they? Wen, when wife goes
at it deliberately and willfully TO cripple
herself her husband is al idiot TO pity
her!n
Three or four days subsequently Mr..
Bowser oamk home an hour ahead of
time. He looked pale and anxious, and l
was seriously frightened for the moment
"Is-is mother sick or dead?" I asked
as met him at the door.
only wish i5 was nothing more seri-
GUS"
what can it BET"
"Look here!"
He pulled down his collar and showed
me red spot on the back of his neck, and
plaintively added:
Il went to the doctor. He says It's a
boil"
"Well, I've expected it. Mr. Bowser, you
are the most careless man in Michigan.
thinking off,
Careless! Thinking of" he roared,
"Do you suppose 1 picked this internal
thing up on some vacant lot, or bought IL
at some corner grocery"
swell, it's very strange that you should
have boil. You'd better have it cut off
at once. / wouldn't fool with it two min
utes."
Of, hn
gone crazy, and then he shut his teeth to-
gether as if determined to say no more
about it. He stood it for two hours, and
then was compelled to say:
81 suppose I'd better get this collar off
and put on q poultice."
81 presume it would be good plan"
| He waited half an hour more, and then
J had so give in and ask:
/ "Mrs. BOwser, can't you make me a
poultIce?"
[ made him one, and the application
so relieved the pain for few minutes
that he recovered his conceit. Walking
to and fro with his hands under his coat
| tails, he said:
"StaIl we go to the opera this evening,
Mrs. Bowser, or is that corn of yours too
painful"
"Are you feeling better?"
"Better! l always feel well, Mrs. Bow
ser. | shouldn't have noticed this boil at
all if the doctor hadn't happened into the
Office. I wish you were more of philos
opher on the subject of bearing pain, you
women folks are-"
He stopped and gave q jump. The
momentary benefit of the warm applica
ton had passed away and the boil was at
home again to all callers. He stood it
about two minutes and then groaned.
''Anything wrong?" asked.
"Wrong! Jewhi5taker jehosophat! but
I'm half dead! Mrs. Bowser I've got a
boil! Boil! Boil! Do you hear me?"
did you happen to notice 1t yourself?"
l asked.
He crossed over and pl nged into
rocking chair and his chin began to
culver, When mans chin begins to
work that way its time to let up on him.
His grit is gone. went over and
smoothed his bald pate and encouraged
him to hope for the best and in short
time had him tucked up on the lounge.
He seemed on the point of going TO
sleep. when be suddenly reused up and
asked:
"People often die with boils on the
neck don't they?"
every seldom
"Do you think there is any-any dan
ger III this caset"
Hardly"
He was quiet again for few minutes
and then he groaned out:
'Mrs. Bowser, can't you keep that
young'un quiet?"
"He's only talking to himself"
eBut he wants TO understand that his
father has a boil. And there goes that
girl thrashing about the kitchen again.
Go out and tell her you'll discharge her If
she doesn't make less noise. 1T seems as
if there was conspiracy to kill me Off
Next morning the boil had doubled its
sz5 without making any further assess
men5 on the stockholders, and Mr.. Bow
ser was broken in two. When I got him
down stairs aud on the lounge in the sit
ting room his lip hung down like gro
Gerry awning, and he feebly said:
'Just bring me little milk toast, Mrs.
Bowser. 1t will probably be the last meal
I shall ever eat!"
After breakfast he took a sudden no
ton to see the papers. Some of the re-
porters had caught on, and there was an
item reading:
"Bowser's got one on the neck. Hang
on TO it old chappie-it's good for the
system"
"Stop that paper this very day Mrs.
Bowser!" he exclaimed, as he flung 1t
down.
"But it is only pleasant little joke"
"Little Joke! Little joke on promi-
nent citizen who is On the brink of the
grave, and whose loss will be a state
calamity! Stop it, Mrs. Bowser-stop
itr'
A neighbor-one of Mr.. Bowscr's best
friends-dropped in during the forenoon,
and, finding him fiat down, eagerly inquir-
ed the cause.
''It's boil" family replied Mr.. Bow
ser.
A boil! Is that allf Why, that wouldn't
keep even boy in bed half an hour.
Come old fellow, go with me to look at
some hos Sc"
When he had gone away Mr.. Bowser
cautioned me that il was his dying re-
quest that Smith should neither be one
Of his pall-bearers nor ride il one of his
front hacks.
"The idea of his coming in here to in
suit helpless manm he continued
Don't speak to him after I am gone.
Don't let our child even throw stones at
his cat!'
Each day for the next four or five that
boil seemed determined to give satisfac
ton if IT didn't make cent. It not only
continued business at the old stand, but
was obliged to enlarge is quarters to ac-
commodate the rush. Mr.. Bewser was as
helpless as a leg of mutton, and he kept
T7s nm tho %rot oil daz and most of each