Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1888-05-09

j
man to his girl, land I'm going to
have you SET" And then he quietly
took her in his lap.-Yonker's States
man.
No sweetness and perfume comes
from the life of mean man. 1t is
partly because such man hates to
give up a scent for any purpose.-N.
o. Picayune.
Dude (bad pay)-"That stripe
looks well-so does this. What'd
you prefer if you were choosingi"
Long suffering tailor-"A check. "
Philadelphia Call.
Young wife-Yes, father always
gives expensive things when he makes
presents.
Husband-So | discovered when
he gave you away.-Ex.
Mamma, said little Flossie, can
Katie Waffles come and play with me?
Certainly not, Flossie, don't you
know that our poor little dog Fido is
very i'll. and that have sent for a
doctor Y-Epoch.
At the poker table Miss Chicago
oh, nv, wasn't that just too funny.
Why, l won all that pot and / stood
on pair of mines.
Miss Manhattan-You generally
do, | believe.-Ex.
Prof. Gottschalk-Vell, Miss-Flim-
sey, how do you like dot Sherman
moosic already?
Miss Flimsey-Oh, | don't under
stand note of it. You know | never
studied German. Harper's Bazaar.
Salesman-Stockings Yes, man,
What number do you wear?
Customer-What number? Why,
two, of course. D'you take me for a
centerpede, or one.legged veteran
of the war Life.
Mamma 6 A. M.)-Mercy me !!
Dot, what are you ringing that big
bell for?
Little Dot-This flower in the win
dow pointing to a bud) isn't walked
up yet.-Omaha World.
81 see" said he, that a Boston boy
has been fined So and costs for saying
Rats to an old gentleman
YES" said his friends, "they are
very particular about language in
Boston he should have said 'Ro-
dents. '"-Ex.
A pastor of a North Carolina
church, having graduated from the
army to the ministry, recently start
led his congregation by announcing
the collection with the unusual COM
mand, Attention company Present
aims !"-Ex.
The names for money in the Ian.
guage of the Ogallalla Sioux are in
teresting. Gold is mases-ska-zi, or
literally yellow white iron; silver is
mases-ska-ska, or white iron, and
greenbacks are minnie-haupi-mases-
ska, or paper that takes white iron.-
Ex.
"Yes," said the amateur actor
mournfully, 81 had the leading role,
but the audience evidently thought l
was intended for supe.'
"Why2'
Because when l appeared they
threw vegetables upon the stage
DOStOn courier.
Invalid-Oh, Annabel, I'm so glad
you've come had the most horrible
dream last night; / dreamt that l
died and that met that horrid Susan
Dingley with the angels, and her halo
fitted her ever so much better
than mine did me, and her wings
were too beautiful for anything -
Life.
A letter bearing the following ad-
dress is mentioned as a recent addi-
ton to the literature of the Dead Let
ter Office
Sylvester Brown, a web-faced scrub,
To whom this letter wants to go,
Is chopping cordwood for his grub
In Silver City, Idaho. Oil City
Buzzard.
Mr.. Leach only called, Miss
Gaysome, to apologize for disappoint-
ing you last evening-but really |
couldn't find time to come. | hope
Miss Gaysome-Don't speak of it,
Mr.. Leach. We never thought of it
at all till after the company had left,
when pa noticed that the decanter on
the side-board had something LETT in
it.-Judge.
The Boston traveller looked as if he
doubted the Texans story.
"Waal, wha'd'ye mean by settin'
an lookin' that wayi" asked the
Texan, feeling round behind.
II am firmly convinced that you
an ro MOI N mar, &C ,,oro -, hat ,,our /