Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1888-08-25

United States which has not remark
able natural advantages, but its name
has been mislaid.
You can't always judge the size of
mans bank account by the artistic
beauty of the picture on the outside of
his Office safe.-SOmerUille Journal.
BEssIE-How radiant Clara looks! I
wonder if Jack has proposed? Maude
(Clara's rivaD Proposed! You mean
you wonder if he has accepted.
Topics.
To EVERY young lady in hopeless despair
At the size of her feet or the hue of her hair.
There's this to be said
Put your soul into bread.
Your ideals in pies, and you'll surely get there.
Burlington Free Press.
HE-How do you find the oysters,
Miss Smith? She-They are simply
delicious, and 1 am awfully hungry,
too. He Ito waiter)-Bring another
plate of crackers.
LOVING aunt Ito erring nephew)-It
would be useless to speak to your uncle,
Charles. You know what strong will
he has. Charles-Ah, just wait till it
goes to probate Life.
The freak who writes and eats with
his feet is proud of the hexibility of his
big toe. He says it has earned as much
money by its writings as ever Harriet
Beecher Stowe did.-Ner York Trib-
aL11e.
lime, 8 a. m.-Old Guzzler has let
himself into the hallway of the house
next to his, by his latch key, and is pre-
pairing to go to sleep on the door-mat.
Old G.-There's no place -hic-like
home!
A sIX-YEAR-oLD boy, whose father is
a musician, was very restless the other
night and couldn't go to sleep. Finally,
as last resort, he called out: Papa,
please play your cornet; that always
makes me tired"
BELLE from New York y May [
come in, please? st. Pcter-I don't
know-you went to the thcater during
Lent. Fair Gothamite-lcs. but | al
ways took my hat off. (And the angels
lifted their voices in welcoming song }
Life.
DID your son take the valedictory in
college?" said a gentleman to lady
who was enthusiastically praising the
ability of her offspring. "No, indeSd,
he didn't take anything. He is the
healthiest boy you ever saw."-Jy'ash-
ingtO1c critic.
BEGGAR-Will you give me dime,
sir? I'm deaf and dumb. Gentleman
Deaf and dumb? Beggar-I mean
I'm blind. It's me twin brother who is
deaf and dumb, sir. We look so much
alike that | get mixed up myself some
times.-T1'oy Press.
GUEST (who had been elegantly
served with almost nothing)-"Now,
waiter, that L have struggled through
eleven courses of cut glass, silver and air,
I begin to feel hungry. Bring me some
corned beef and cabbage and glass of
plain, everyday water"
LAW professor - What constitutes
burglary? Student-There must be
breaking. Professor-Then il man
enters your door and takes five dollars
from your vest pocket in the hall, would
that be burglary? Student-Yes, sir,
because that would break me.
JUDGE Ito prisoner)-Its disgraceful
that there are such men as you to prey
upon the community. Did it ever oc-
cur to you that you are worse than
worthless? Prisoner (mildly) - IF
twuZZent fO' sech men as me, yo' wud-
dent be DRAWN 'er big salry ebbery
yeah.
APPLICANT-Ls this the place to apply
for pension? I'm an old soldier sir,
and up to the present time | haven't
asked the Government to give me a cent.
Now want assistance. Pension Agent
You want back pension? Certain
ly; that's where was shot. "-UYdreriY
Magazine.
INvALID-O, Annabel, I'm so glad
you've come; had the most horrible
dream last night; dreamt L died and
that [ met that horrid Susan Dingley
with the angels, and her halo fitted her
ever so much better than mine did me,
and her wings We're too beautiful for
anything Life.
Mrs. ANGLAYs Ito recently imported
butler)-Simpkins, l am going to give
a dance Tuesday, and | would like you
to assist in the supper-room. Simpkins
Sorry, mum; impossible, mum; We
ave harranged to have swarry dam
santry in the servants all on that very
hevening. -TOtCn Topics.
SHE stood by the open window, and,
as the old man came into the room, with
a finger on her lips she babe him hush.
Then, as last notes of lawn-mower in
the adjoining yard died away, she turn
ed with look of rapture ON her face.
All, papa" she said, isn't Wagner
simply exquisite ?"-Ne,c York Sun.