The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1888-05-16
em Nvo Goes a shopplng.

MDTE- UiII ltt-tAtttA IftffHf--f+@' -
,nas;cs bv means Of a No. ) lsexagon PEN
ell srecnsnily inoissened by touching
is t,oiu, on the sof, palate, ctl1erw - yon
can not he permitted to purchase. The
alarming frequency Of noisy marts oi
trade. the tremendous multiplicity OF
busv haunts Of men, TO say nothing oi the
,ortex of traffic and the hum and buzz OF
indusrry--ilie xonex itself frequently cc-
.upy;ne whole block, and The mart
ham. or buzz very offen extending even
further than that all unite to throw The
lnver and seller together with loud re
posf in New York.
The result is that the small buyer VINO
goes where he can get the best prices
rces home with his front teeth in his vest
rocket, and il takes him two weeks to get
back the ear which he left hanging on
the elevator just before the holidays. oi
course. he gets other ear, but when a
man becomes attached 10 both of his
ears he hates TO separate them or see
them rudely torn apart. He can not be
content with thesears of others. Men
take pride in ear with freckies and side
whiskers an them sometimes, aud refuse
10 accept the waxen, beautiful but beard
lcssears ofpcop.e who have had greater
social advantages.
But started out in my poor, weak way
20 S,~.k of the matter Of shopping. |
have slopped in New York. and also in
the West. In New York did not enjoy
il. In fact, rarely shop in New York,
t,rclcrrlng 10 20 10 an interior town, "nere
goods are marked low and the cracker
barrel j. within the reach Of all. went
into large ani iecining mart Of trade
and frill emporium on Twenty-ihIrd
street one hc, day last summer TO buy
pair Of suspenders. did not wish to buy
them because WAS vain.
II was not with the idea Of emphasiz-
ing the great gulf between myself and
those who had been denied suspenders.
II was as plain American citizen, who
desired TO submit 10 the harsh demands
of a false but inexorasie hot-honse air Of
metropolitan society law, that ] went in
at the side door OF that place. did not
raunt. I was not pulled up. ] did not
behave myself in an nnseemly manner.
did no, intend to give the goods public
recognition through the press. did not
intend 10 wear them on the outside. My
idea WAS simply to 20 in quietly, select
Young woman who was worthy ofmycon
iiiencc. call her away from the vulgar
herd and tell her that | had yielded TO
the false and cruel customs Oft sin-cursed
meiropolis-ihat | had decided to adopt
the efIeminaie and artificial manners Of
civilization. and would like to see a pair
Of red suspenders With blue ends.
In former years had bought goods Of
General Worth, at Laramie Citg, who
kept a general store. hotel, and cler-
eyed bulldog all in one room. The
General played chess and colored his
whiskefs. lie did almost everything eX-
ccpt keep store, run a hotel or extract
people from his bulldog. In this way
customers got into The habit of waiting on
themselves and making a memorandum
oft in the bright, crisp atmosphere. Gen
eral Worth had been masculine sales
lady in New York when be was young,
and 50 when anybody came in and spoke
about huying anything he began 10 re-
gard him with suspicion and treat him
slamciuliy, and try to sick the dog
on him but after awhile he would run
out of profanity and resume his chess and
beg people 10 wait on themselves and not
come in there right in the middle of the
day. ahen they knew very well that he
was playing chess and couldn't get away.
So We all got into The habit of waiting on
ourselves, and acquired notions offered
i;which in New York do not obtain
/ went into the great surging Twenty
third street convention of good clothes, q
lone man, borne on the breast Of big
tide Of humanity of an entirely and dia-
meirically different sex from my own. |
tried to get out, bu; large and prosper
ons lady in black satin and weighing
much more than she looked to, stood on
one Of my feet as ift1 call my attention
TO something remained there till an
other woman came 10 relieve her by
standing on my other foot The crowd
did not thin ont for long time, neither
did that fat party who stood on my foot,
but finally got chance 10 move up 10
the counter, where a tired young woman
was looking dreamily over the heads Of
the sceihing mass, while a row OF custom
ers jabbel at her with their parasols.
bodc my time.
When the delegations from the valley
ofthe Harlem and beyond Brooklyn and
over against flohoken and farther Gilgal
and the forests of Philadelphia and Fort
lee, and them that dwell in the outer
most parts Of S.ecn Hundred and Steen-
iy-steenih street, and in the habitations
of Murray Hill, and the dwellers in flats
of the money-changers, and them that
live over against Tompkinsviile and West
Orange, and Pepsin, o., and kabush and
Canada had thinned ont q little, beck
oaei 10 the slleslady 10 put her ear over
towards me, rs ! dcsired TO express a
thought. She leaned towards me in re.
served way which iickled my nose with
the rim Of her high, intellectual ear. |
said 10 her that | had been waiting a
good while. as there was 50 many others
ahead Of me, hut il the occasion now
seemed ripe wished she would show me
her suspenders
Those were my exact words, and vet
the papers the next day not only gave 4
garhlcd and erroneous account of it, but
missPelled my name twice
Thus it came 10 pass that the only time
! ever tried to buy anything in New York
when had The money TO do it with. ]
met with a rebuke that cannot vet ful.
ly understand. In trying TO explain il
10 the authorities afterwards | spoke OF
my earnest desire 10 devote my future
life 10 the use of suspenders and other re.
timing Influences, but they said that sure.
ly knew better thar TO try to get sus
pendeFs at the corset counter on the firsi
floor, when everybody knew that the
ruspender department was up seven
floors, back of the restaurant and ON the