Afro-independent. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn. ;) 1888-1???, 1888-09-22
LEARNING TO SWIM.
The DiscouragKng Aquatic Experiences OF
New York Humorist.


u New York HumOrist.
Once upon a time, when | was young
and full of unlimited confidence in the
future, made up my mind that would
learn to swim. Every one told me
ought to learn the noble art of how to
keep your head above water, and | be-
came filed with a sort OF enthusiastic
longing to go and float on my back,
out into the mystic East, where the
crested seas play leap-frog through the
never-dying years.
Inquired what was the best way to
learn to swim. | received ], All differ
ent replies. 1t was just trifie con-
fusing. was not quite sure which
was the best way, so / concluded to
begin at the beginning of the list and
work my way through to victory or a
watery grave.
The first method recommended to me
was to strip and boldly plunge into the
water where it was over my head.
THE natural instinct of the animal,
said my adviser, ''is to swim. You
need nothing but the firm resolve, and
you will find it exceedingly easy.
Jump right in and strike out, and you
will get there.
The more / thought about it, the
more this seemed to me to be good
advice. So one day, when was cross
ing the North river on ferry. boat, /
just shut my eyes and jumped over
board. | struck out boldly; and as my
adviser had predicted, got there. l
got right to the bottom. As soon as
possible got back again to the sur
face, and was just about to strike out
boldly once more, when miserable
pirate jammed boat-hook under my
collar, and yanked me out of the water
with an exceeding great yank.
was arrested and taken to a police
court. | explained to the police JUS
tice that / had jumped overheard to
earn to swim; but he sent me up, just
the same.
When my term was at an end,
thought | would try the plan of the
second adviser. This was to practice
The stroke in shallow water until l
knew how to use my hands and feet,
and then TO venture into water deep
enough to swim.
went down to the river one even
ng where some boys were in swim
ming, and said:
"How deep is the water herep"
"Only two feet and half" said one
Of the boys, who was padding about.
That suited me, so in | went. /
Dracticed away at the stroke, and was
loing beautifully, when it occurred to
me that the sand on the bottom was
scratching my breast. So said:
Isn't there any deeper water than
this around here?n
Right over there, " said boy point
ing. went fright over there" and
at once disappeared from view. When
came to the surface / was going to
swim splendidly; but two boys jumped
in and towed me ashore. Once more
had been rescued.
Then / tried another plan. This
was to take a lot of corks and put them
under my arms, and swim that way
until l had the stroke down fine; then
to cast away the corks and go it alone.
Well, l procured my corks, and start
I'd out through the surf at Coney
Island. 1t was really very pleasant,
'iding the breakers and feeling as if
)ne were suspended in the air. When
beyond the ropes / found / was swim
ming beautifully, SO / threw off my
,orks and struck out boldly. OF course,
the first shock of throwing away the
corks sent me downward, and it was
80 deep that l was a long time coming
up. When l did come up, was just
going to swim away in great style,
when a man came up in boat, grab
bed me by the neck, and dragged me
n. tried to explain my design to
him; but he intimated that he thought
me a crank.
And so it has been. Every time /
nave tried to learn to swim, some one
has come along and rescued me. /
don't want to be rescued. / want to
swim. But they viii not let me. They
always say: my dear sir, in two
minutes more you would have been
drowned" So have given up all
hope of ever learning to swim, and am
going to wade slowly through the rest
Of a sorrowful existence. Puck.