New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1888-03-21
CARL DUNDER.

CARL DUNDER.
Some More Queer Things He Can't
Make Out.
Maybe it vhas because I vhas an
oldt Dutchmans dot / can't make
something's oudt, but like to know
| how she vhas.
II haf some snow on der sidewalk
| in front OF my house a policemans
comes along and says: 'sNow, you
got dot snow right off or take sooch
law onyou as Will make your heart
ache Doan' you know it vhas dan
gerous und against der law! You'd
better look sharp, oldt mans, or hat
you where some dogs doan't bite
| you'll"
II somepody hat a vacant lot next
to me, and der snow on dot sidewalk
yhas so high as my shoulder, Dopody
cleans him off. Some day when vhas
looking at her, a policemans crawl
through dot snow und says: ri
like to know who owns dot lot"
tells him it vhas a merchant
on Woodward avenue, und dot
snow doan' get off before next shuly.
| ooh! it vhas merchant, eh! Vheil,
dot snow vhas all right. It doan'
hurt somebody at all, and it vhas fun
to wade through it." / go in der
house und sot down und try to make
1t all oudt, but l can't do it.
oudt door und blows a. horn toot!
foot! toot! He doan' foot more as
fife times when a policeman comes
along und says: "Shtop dot noise or
| gif you some collar Der idea of
blowing dot horn und making all de
people go crazy! Doan' you know it
vhas agin der law to make sooch
nuisance?' Dot scares Shake so badt
he hides down cellar all day, but in
| two hours more ash four men nit
wagons comes around my place und
blow foot! foot! toot! until [ vhas al
most deaf. | go oudt und ask dot
policeman to shtop her, but he says:
"Doan' you know something's, oldt
mans! Dot vhas according to law,
und can't shtop him.
| goes oop by der Brush farm und
buys me a lot feefty feet front. May
pc | build me a house some day.
When tax-time comes l goes over by
der city hall to pay my taxes. Cali
right, Mr.. Dunder," says der man nit
der Textbook, "your tax vhas seexty-
seven DOLLAR" 1t seems like it vhas
impossible, but I hat to pay her. /
vhas going AWAY, When a man comes
in und says he owns four hoonered
feet next to me, md how mooch vhas
der taxes? 'Thirty-fife dollar, und
you Will please forgif medot she vhas
SO hight" Because | haf lot my
taxes vhas seexty- seven dollar. Be-
cause he hat piece his taxes vhas
shust half! go home und think
aboudt him, uni l talk with my wife,
but we can make her cudt.
Sometimes on Secondary / hitch oop
der pony und take der oldt womans
und Shake out to Springwells to see
my brooder- in-law. Dot pony vhas
blind in one eye und he hal two ring
bones und two spavins, una he yhas
SO lazy dot he goes joel jog! jog! all
der time. We vhas coming home
when a policemans rushes oudt at us
und says: "Nowyou look oudt! Der
very next time you vhas driving so
fast I take you in der Recorders
Court und make your fine fife dollar!"
| shtop to speak NIT him a few words
und somebody NIT two horses und
carriage und a silver harness comes
along like lightning und almost runs
my wheel off. I look at dot police
mans but he doan' see nothings.
One day more ash dozen fellers
nit carts und wagons comes aroundt
my placeu calls, rags! rags! rags!"
until my head aches. By und by I
goes oudt in front OF my place und
call: Beer! beer! beerp' und shust so
queek as some weasles vhas arrested
und fined tree dollar, und der shudge
says to me: "Mr. Dunder, vhas as
tonished nit you! Ifyoudoan know
better ash dot Iput you in some
asylum NIT der fools! Doan' let dot
happen again!"
Well, like said in der start, cam
make her all oudt, undt if somepody
can tell me vhas mooch obliged und
feel tickled all oafer.-Detroit Free
Press.