Morning journal and courier., 1888-08-01
READY WIT.
Some Good stories OF Quick RetOrts
and Brilliant Repartees.
lEror,7 Nhaunharss Journal

some Good stories of quick Retorts
and Brilliant ReparteeS.
from Chambers Journal
There are few people to whom the posses
sion of ready wit docs not seem desirable,
for nothing is of more use in an emergency
than the ability to return "a Roland for an
Oliver" in such a way as to extinguish an
opponent. But the art of retaliating skill
fully is by no means universal. Perhaps
this is as well, considering the pronsness Of
repartee to degenerate into righteousness;
and it is not biscuit to imagine how much
more disagreeabIe the world would be If
Horne Tooke.
There is an anecdote told regarding two
opposing barristers. The lawyers for the de-
tense was so severe upon the prosecutor that
the latter rose and asked: "Does the
learned counsel think nae fooli' The re-
tort was prompt: ''My friend wishes to
know if I consider him a fool, and in re-
ply to his question I can only say that
am not prepared to deny it."
There are many instances of passages Of
arms between bench and bar, but this one
may be new to most of our readers. AZ
the close of heightened wrangie' between
Judge and a prominent counsel the fora
mer said: "Well, sir, it you do not know
how to conduct yourself as a gentleman. ]
am sure 1 can't teach you" To which the
qarrister mildly replied; "That is 30, my
lord"
Occasionally, however, the votaries of the
law have the tables turned upon them, as
in the case of the lawyer who, driving
along a country road, asked q woman who
was going in the same direction the way
to his destination. She told him and add
ed that, as she was going part of the jour.
ney, she would point out the way. "An
RICH, my good woman" said the lawyer,
Jump up-better bad company than
none" After going some miles the woman
thanked him for tine drive and descended,
and he asked how much farther he had to
go. "Oh," she answered, "you passed the
place you want two or three miles back,
but as thought bad company better than
none, I brought you on" The legal gen.
tleman certainly deserved the lesson, and 1t
is to be hoped that he pro6ted by it.
Parliamentary elections usually aEerd a
good field for the exercise of wit. While q
noble lord was conducting his canvass he
met bully, who declared 6ercely that he
would "sooner vote for the devil than for
him." "Ive not the slightest doubt of it.,
my FRIEND" said the candidate quietly;
''b1t in the event of your friend not eom-
ing forward. may I count on your votes"
Here is another of the same kind. At an
open political meeting man cried: hui
rah for Jacksoni" to which bystander re-
torted, ''Hurrah for q jackassl" Cab right,
my man" exclaimed the first speaker; 'you
can hurrah for your fayorite candidate and
I'll do the same for mine"
Much more merited than the above, proba-
bly,, was the answer given by Foote to dis
sipated duke who asked him in what new
character he should go to q masquerade:
$50 soberl" A 'fman about town" said to q
young lady: fsNo, I'm not exactly engaged,
but 1 have the refusal of two or three girls"
He undoubtedly deserved the crushing re-
ioinder: 81 suppose you mean you have
asked them and they have said No.
The tourist also, who said to On idle Skye
man, "Why do you lie there all day with
your hands in your pocketss" must have
been taken aback by the cool reply: cause
she hesna been far enough south to learn to
put them in other peoples"
Ready wit cannot be said to be natural to
youth, for the answers given by precocious
schoo1boys are not witty, being usually the
outcome either of misunderstanding or OF
"cheek." There are exceptions, however,
to this rule. A teacher asked his class
what was meant by "diyers Diseases" and
was rather surprised when one of the boys
answered, "Water in the head A little dot
of d girl inquired of her mother the meaning
of transatlantic, !" and Yves told, "Across
the Atlantic" 'tDoes trans always mean
Gross mammag' she then asked. eyes, u
replied her mother; "but don't bother me
any more "Then / guess transparent
means Cross parent" was the conclusion
the unconscious little humorist came TO ss
she relapsed into Silence.