The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1888-11-15
MANS USEFULNESS.
An Estimate of the Lord of Crea

An Estimate of the Lord of Crea-
ton by Saucy Chicago Dame.
A lady who signs herself "Mary Brown
gives in the Chicago Herald an amusing
if somewhat sauoy estimate of "man''
from woman's standpoint. She begins
by allowing that in the economy of the
universe men are necessary, and con-
tinues, "even the sourest spinster must
reluctantly admit this. They do the
heavy lifting of the world, keep
It's accounts, do military service,
and hold all the Offices worth hav-
ing. They make all the laws, publish
most OF the newspapers, write a good
many Of the books and scientific treatises,
and monopolize educational facilities and
professional opportunities so far as they
are able. They don't do so much of this
as they once did. Some of them make
admirable husbands, paying bills without
murm1ring, walking the floor with the
baby when it has the collie, taking the
twins to the park, resolutely, turning their
virtuOus backs on committee meetings
and coming home at 8 O'Clock. Hus-
bands OF this kind do not spend Sunday
in dressing gown, tilted back in a char.
feet on the mantei, extinguished behind
the blanket sheet of the morning paper,
emerging only when dinner and lunch are
announced. Men are strong and conven
iently constructed for throwing, running,
st.mding in the street cars without detri-
ment to their health Their fash
ions are not complicated and
evanescent, and the majority
are not troubled if embroidered shirt
bosoms are de r;gGeur for full dress and
they display only plain plairs. They do
not know the chating torment of tight
corsets, whaleboned dresses, with hustle
attachment, which makes the tortured
wearer think she were sitting down on
wire rat trap. Mems trousers do not get
skewed around sideways and he has no
bangs for wind and rain to devastate. He
can conceal weak chin and bad teeth
when nature is propitious with highly
ornamental mustache and beard.
But" continues Miss Mary, evidently
with stress on the "but," like DsWolf
Hopper, "msn has his troubles. Business
does not Away go smOothly,an his candi-
date is not always elected; although he
reserves the right of proposals he does not
always marry the woman he wants, and
frequently does marry the one he wish IS
he had never s. en-. His 'pauts'-the high
est priced ones-'knee out;' his polished
shoes are splashed on the crossings, and
he has no concealing skirts wherewith to
hide the effects of pigeon toes and bow
legs If his youthful waist disappears in
the obesity of middle age he cannot con-
ceal with 'drapery' the ruin which time
has wrought. Nor are there false fronts
or Langtry bangs yet devised for mascu-
line badness"
Next meditative mood finds relief in
the pen of the Tribune's fair correspond
dent: "Men is useful" she allows, las an
escort, to check trunks, engage seats, pay
for carriages and flowers, aud intimidate
Washers, but he is not faultless. In the
first place, no living woman of ordinary
attractions can treat a masculine friend
as well as she would like. The best of the
species are repositories of infinite
vanity. There are, in this prosaic
age, hundreds of interesting and
intelligent women who would be
invaluable as entertaining and agreeable
chums. They are matter-of- fact, devoid
of sentiment, but are genial, jolly and
agreeable. There is not woman of this
class who has not half-dOzen Johns and
Charles and Toms in her wake-among
her callers and correspondents; she must
keep them at arms length. There are
many little kindly courtesies she would
extend to them if she dared. She would
like to ask Tom to luncheon two or three
times a week. The poor fellow is
wretched in the fred-stegk at
mosphere of his boarding house.
He is that most miserable of beings-a
man with refined and cultivated taste and
an inadequate income. She would like to
send Charlie specimens of the splendid
roses and verbenas that waste their sweet
ness in her secluded garden. She would
be glad to divide the tickets to opera and
play which are showered upon her with
John, who loves Wagner and Shakespeare.
But can she? Never! She knows per-
pectly we'll how Tom, at the third
invitation would lift his eyebrows
and murmur: Again? Poor girl.
It's getting serious, or how Charlie
would stroke his mustache and smile IN
describably over her third installment of
flowers, and how John, dignifed and we'll
bred as he is, would wrinkle his brOws as
he adjusted his necktie before his mirror
and soiloquizsd "Kats is a charming
girl, but 1 must manage someway, with
out hurting her feelings, of course, to let
her know that l have no intention of
marrying. The dear, egotistical deluded
souls-it is not possible for them to COM
prehend that a woman mey exist like
wise who has no intention of marrying
and that every smile and gracious atten-
ton are only her frank and generous
proffers of a friendship uncompro-
misiugly platonic. In that glorious mil
lennium when women shall conduct bust
ness on q colossal scale-engage IN
politics, meet the lords of creation on
their own broad ground, the masculine
sex may be able to comprehend that
there are things not dreamed of IN
mans philosophy, ard aims in life which
do not include him and all his worldly
goods.
However" concludes Mary, "men are
to be excused. They have monopolized
things SO long that it is only natural they
should overestimate their fluctuations
and their real value. They are first rate
in the concrete and occasionally in the
abstract-with all their faults consider
able of an addition to society, and would,
probably, be missed if they were trans
lated bodily to another planet. On the