The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1888-03-09
Wit and Wisdom.


A private tutor-An amateur No.
netist.
An ''old stamping ground''-tbe po..
office.
Loss by Gre-Money spent for cip,,
cites.
Rock and wry-A squalling baby &,
a cradle.
Dollars and sense are often stranps,,
TO each other.
1t requires clever surgeon to drs,.
wounded vanity.
An old maids favorite musical +,
sirument-cast a-net.
a lady Of high neutrality-suspicious.,
Statue OF Liberty.
The best hand to bold in the game q
life is that of your best girl.
Senator Sawyer very appropriate,
began life as proprietor OF a saw mil
Why is a city called a ''she ?r P.
cause there Is always more or less bust.
about city.
The sicker the pig the strAighser n,
tail /; and the healthier the pig n.
tighter the curl.
Music teachers are in the habit ~
slurring some notes out they all spear
wei of greenbacks.
Il Otter cut my oldest acquaintance
said the buzz saw, as it took off q mil,
hands finger.
When an undertaken was asked
business was good with him he said b,
had desd load of it.
1t is somewhat parsdoxical that th,
man who does the less: talking in Con-
gress is called the speaker.
A teacher asked little boy the color
or the Atlantic Ocean, and he said be
guessed it was water color.
An old negro declared that he did
love to stump his toes, because be fs.
so good when i: quit hurting.
An unfortunate Maine baby that hap
pened to be born on the DAY OF her
grandparents golden wedding wal
named Anna Versary.
"What do you supposed Jay Gould
crossed the ocean for ?" Don't know.
Maybe he wanted to see how the water
was holding out.''
Provident Minister-I wish TO stat,
that have procured an alarm clock
that will wake up the congregation s
soon as the services are over.
Husbsnd-My dear, do you think
that 1 am conceited about my personal
appearance Wife-Well. yes, John
little. Most homely men are, you
know.
Doctor-Whst you need, sir, is CON-
plete rest. Your circulation is too high.
New York editor-Ha then let me die
L would not have my paper injured.
Mercy ~ exclaimed an old lady
upon first seeing an engraving of The
passage of the Red Sea by the children
of Israel : "mercy what family The
man had -
An Irishman, who had on a very
ragged coat, was asked OF what kind Q,
stuff it was made. "Bedad, l don't
know" says be, II think the most Of It
is made of fresh air."
TOO much water" sayJ an author
ity on the subject, will remove the
strongest growth Of hair" True. every
word OF it. Water will in time destroy
even the locks OF canal.
Jones asked his wife: "Why is 8
husband like dough ~ He expe:tsi
she would give it up, and he was going
10 tell her that it was because a woman
needs him; but she said because he was
hard to get of her hands.
When an Irishman went into a Chi
nese laundry and told the MongolIan il
charge to hurry up his washing, because
he hadn't a clean shirt bosom TO hH
back, that was a bull in a China shop
wasn't it ?'
How we'll he plays for one so young,
said Mrs. Psrtington, as the organ BE-!
and his monkey performed near the
door land much his dear little brother
In the calico dress looks like him, to be
sure"
Didn't you tell me you could hold
the plow ?" Indignantly cried farmer
TO q green Irishman whom he hat
taken on trial. "Arrah be aisy now,
said Pat. "How could hould it, and
two horses drawing it away from me
But give 1t to me in the barn, and /
| hould it with anybody ~
A Dexter 5-year-old was put to be-
the other night little earlier than So
herself thought desirable. Soon aft.
she called for some bread and milk, sn-
got it. After eating a few spoonful
she looked up at her father with s mos
unconcerned air and remarked Papa
L believe heard you say it wasn't S
good plan to retire Immediately after
! eating guess I'll get up.