Abilene weekly reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1888-1935, 1888-05-31
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

That would be weak enterprise
| which could not stand a loan.
Giants are not particularly happy.
An overgrown man has a grewsome
look. D. Picayune.
Women are the dearest, cutest
creatures in the world, but they can't
tell how shoe fits until they see the
number. "-Binghamton Republican.
1t is little strange that among all
the eminent men who have recently
written of books which have helped
me- none should have mentioned the
dictionary.-NeaO Haren Ns,os.
Mrs. Chargeitplease-"Good morn
ing, Mr.. Tapemeasure. l should like
to see something in the way of a small
check" Mr.. Tapemeasure fervently)
$50 should I"-Dctron Free Press.
You never find me hiding my
light under a bushel." remarked Mr..
McSwilligen, in the course of dis
cussion with his wife. You don't
need to-" was the somewhat acrid re-
ply; "a quart measure is quite large
enough. "-Piasburgh Chronicle.
dear me-" said the little Boston
boy, after intellectual suasion had failed
and they had spanked him for the first
time; ''if l had had the slightest sus-
picion that the resultant sensation was
so poignantI should never have invited
the experiment. "-Puck.
Husband Tin the early morning)-
What are you going through my
pockets for, my dears" Wife-..A little
change, John" Husband-"Have you
no money of your own?" Wife-"Yes;
but it is so much easier to find a mans
pocket, John. than woman's. "-Har-
per's BGzar.
1t is stated that over 1000 Ameri-
can pianos have been shipped to Russia
in the last ten years. This will explain
why so many Russian Anarchists come
to this country. The outlaws are labor
ing under the comforting delusion that
all the pianos in this country have been
sent TO Russia. Herald.
Mr. Cazenove-"Of course we shall
see you at Newport this season, Mrs.
Poindexter?" Mrs. Poindexter-"No;
I've been thinking of Saratoga" Mr..
Cazenove-''But it's so awfully warm
there" Mrs. Poindexter-"You for
get. Mr.. Cazcnove. that l passed three
years in Newport while waiting for
divorce papers. If any thing can be
warmer than that I'd like to know it."
Judge.
-PassengerQo strange)-"Minister
of the gospel, l imagine, sir?" Stranger
Yes, sir. have been a minister of
the gospel for forty-two years. but 1 ex-
pect to retire soon." Passenger
That is very sensible move, sir. j
think when a man has made money
enough in his business he ought to get
out Oft and enjoy himself. IN Y Sun.
Southern Californian-''Don't want
to buy an orange grove, Ell? Only an
artist?" Stranger-'I am an artist.
and was advised by my friend. Joaquin
Miller, to come to California for studies
instead of going to Italy. He says
California is the true color land of the
globe. was just thinking of painting
the beautiful landscape before me-"
That all belongs to ME, mister, every
foot of it; but Til let you make pict-
ure of it for half the profits. "-Omaha
World
Literature of English etiquette
conveys the valuable information that
Dukes eldest sons take precedence
over Earls, but the Dukes younger
sons have to fall in line behind Earls'
and Marquises' eldest sons, and so on
down. The graduation is little COM
plicated over there. but on this side of
the water all doubt is removed by our
simple rule OF letting the drum major
lead the whole procession.-Pittsburgh
Dispatch.