The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1888-02-08
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captain, "but have changed my mind and
have found can do better. and an going
to take charge here. shall Sanl back to rnl
all the letters got while manaSin@ that shil
and everything got from your, ship. ami Il
will be all right You tell me that the wors
fate for such a captain as that is too good fol
him. But it is just what man or woman
does who promises to take one through the
voyage Of life, across the ocean Of earthly
existence. and then breaks the promise. The
sending back Of all the letters and rings
and necklaces and keepsakes cannot make
that right which is in the sight oi
God, and ought to be in the sight Of man,
an everlasting wrong; What American
society needs to be taught Is that bethrotha
is an act 80 solemn and tremendous that all
men and women must stand back from it
until they are sure that it is right, and
sure that it is best. and sure that
no retreat will be desired. Before that
promise OF lifetime companionship any
amount OF romance that you wish, any
ardor Of friendship. any coming and going.
But espousal is a gate, a golden gate, which
one should not pass: unless he or she expects
never to return Engagement is the porch
Of which marriage is the castle, and you have
no right in the porch if you do not mean to
pass into the castle
The trouble has always been that this
whole subject Of alliance has been relegated
to the realms of frivolity and joke, anil con-
sidered not worth sermon or even a serious
paragraph. And 80 the massacre Of human
lives has gone on and the devil has had it his
own cruel way, and what is nightly needed
Is that nulpit and platform and printing
press all speak word # unmistakable and
thunderous protest on this subject OF in
finite importance. We put clear out into thin
poesy and light reading the marital engage
ments of Petrarch and his Laura. Dante and
his Beatrice, Chaucer and his Philippa,
Lorenzo de Meaici and his Lucretia, Spenser
and his Rosalind, Waller and his Sa"char-
issa, not realizing that it was the style of
their engagement that decided their happ!i
ness or wretchedneSS. their virtue or their
proAigacy. All the literary and military
and religious glory of Queen Elizabeth's
reign cannot blot out from one of the
most conspicuous pages of history her i'll
famous behavior toward Seymour and
Philip and Melville and Leicester and
others All the ecclesiastical robes that Dean
Swift ever rustled through consecrated
places cannot hide from intelligent p 'ople of
all ages the fact. that by promises of mar
riage which he never fulfilled, he broke the
heart OF Jane Waring after an engagement
of seven years. and the heart of Stella after
an engagement Of fourteen years. and the
poetic stanzas he dedicated to their excel
lences only make the more immortal his own
rerfidy.
But suppose I should make mistake
says some man or woman, land find it out
after the engagement and before the mar
riage" My answer is you have no excuse
for making mistake on this subject There
are many ways Of finding out all about the
character and preferences and dislikes and
habits Of a man or woman, that if you have
not brain enough to form right Judgment
in regard to him or her, You are not 80 fit a
candidate for the matrimonial altar as you
are for an idiot asylum. Notice what society
your especial friend prefers, whether he is
industrious or lazy, whether she is neat or
slatternly, what hooks are read, what was
the style Of ancestry. noble or depraved, and
if there be any unsolvcd mystery about the
person under consideration postpone all
promise until the mystery is solved.
Jackson's Hollow, Brooklyn. was part of
the city not built on for many years. and
every time crossed it I said to myself or to
others, why is not this land built on' /
found out afterward that the title to the
land was in controversy and no one wanted
to build there until that question was de-
cided. Afterwari understood the title was
settled, and now buildings are going up all
over it. Do not build your happiness for this
world on character; masculine or feminine,
that has not q settled ana undiSputed title to
honor and truth, and sobriety and kindness
and Righteousness.
Oh, woman, you have more need to pause
before making such an important promise
than man. because II you make a mistake it
Is worse for you II man blunder about
promise Of marriage. or 80 on to an unfortu-
nate marriage, he can spend his evenings
away, and can go to the club or the Rennbli-
can or Democratic headquarters, and absorb
his mind in city or State or national elections,
drunk. But there is no place of regular re-
treat for you, oh woman, and you could not
take narcotics or intoxicants and keep your
Before you promise, pray
and think and study and advise. There will
never again in your earthly history be
time when you so much need God
1t seems to me that the world ought to
cast out from business credits and from good
neighborhoods those who boast Of the number
boasts Of the number Of scalps he has taken.
II man will lie to woman and q woman
will lie to a man about so important q mat
ter as that of q lifetimes welfare, they will
lie about bill Of goods and lie about finances
and lie about anything. Society to-day Is
brimful Of galants, and man milliners, and
carpet knights, and coquetteS and those most
God forsaken of all wretches-ilirts. And
they 60 about drawing rooms and the parlorS
and scraping and whispering, and then re-
turn to the club rooms if they be men, or to
their special gatherings if they be women, to
chatter and Ciggle over what was said to
them in confidence. Condign punishment is
ant to come upon them and they get paid in
their own coin. could point you to a score
whom society has let drop very hard in re-
turn for their base traffic in human hearts
As to such men, they walk around in their
al off thai,. hoi ic l,nl with
gray, and pretending they are naturally
short sighted when their eyes are so old In
sin that they need the spectaclcs Of sep
an eyeglass about No. 3, anil
think thoy are bewitchng in their stride and
overpowering in their glances, although they
are simply laughing stocks for all mankind
And il these base dealers in human hearts be
females, they are left after q while severely
alone, striving III a very desperation and
agony Of cosmetics to get back to the at
tractiveneSs they had when they used to brag
how many masculine affections they had
Forsaken of God and honest
men and good women are sure to be all such
masculine and female triflers with human
and yet immortal affections. Oh man. oh
woman, having plighted your troth, stick
to it,
And here my idea widens, and have to
say not only to those who have made mis-
take in solemn promise Of marriage, but to
those who have already at the altar been pro-
nounced one when they are two, or in diver
sity Of tastes and likes and dislikes are
neither one nor two but a dozen-make the
best you can Of an awful mistake And here,
let me answer letters that come from every
State Of the American Union, aud from
across the sea, and are coming year aft'r
year from men and women who arc terrific
ally allianced and tied together in hard
IL hor In 'ho at IN
something like this: "What ought I to do,
my husband is a drunkard" my wife is
gad-about and will not stay at home"
my companion is ignorant and hates books
and revel in Them II like music and a
piano sets my husband crazy" "I am fond