New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-12-23
WHATEVER IS ISN'T.
THE SAD VAIL OF DIsILLUsIoNIzED MAN.

that two and two are three or V,rNdFs h'0s
and where did begin to be taken This way wen,
Iu tell Won For tho last ten years or devoted
a deep drawer in my desk TO refufsfions OF ens
worlds more or less cherished beliefs In reference !"
all sorts OF persons and things. The other evoD"s
tumbled out the contents OF this drawer ana ~oN''
II over. Tho result was that The longer read ths
more firmly convinced ]. became that wna'eVer ~
isn't-not II the iconoclasts can help IT.
think you'll admit that the two most famous
appIes OF which this world holds record the one
which Eve presented 10 Adam and the one whcs
william Tell shot from his SONS head Ncn MI
Barring Could proves that the Tell apple never was,
whilc a Yale professor suggests mat Aasm was
tempted by a ounce. when was sch0oioos thers
was spirited picture of the affecting Tell Incoehs
in one of my textbooks Tho apple wasn't Digger
than an egg plum, and boys, remember, agreeo
that Tell had plenty Of nerve beside being an No
shot. Nevertheless. the story wont wash. 1t has
been resolved into fairy tale something OF thas
unSubstantial sort common 10 many counires' n
for the fruit of which first parents parooR mo
Yale professor says: :" The apple Of the presens
day Is propagated from the crabapplc ard II Is nos
at all likely that Adam would have tccn taken IN
by such a puckery little bait" Now let some one
take the floor and dispose of the other historic
apple-tne one which Sir Isaac Newton watchen'
let him show that &c a cabbage or croohcd-neck
squash. Whatever Is ISN'T.
Making an abrupt transition from apples to military
heroes, / upon scmo moro Wl'1-sptcdu oo"P
rooted but exploded beliefs. There was kosclusko.
Didn't Campbell tell In many woIds that
Hope for a season babe the world farewell
And Freedom shrieked KosciusBo fill
OF course he did. But It seems he was mistaken
10 this extent Hope didn't shrek nor did kosci 'sEo
fall on the referred TO- OF course II he hah
fallen Ho,c very properly might have expressed
herself in that way. The great Polish generals cold
blooded but painstaklng chroniclcr reminds us-was
killed BY fall from his horse some years after he
had quit fighting. Then look at Ethan Alien. how
used TO thrill as / read his stately invitation for
the surrender Of Ticonderoga: " In the name OK
Jehovah and the Continental Congress But am
given TO understand that later researches-oh these
later researches show that Ethan used the following
vigorous but unembclIshed formula: " Come out Of
here you blanked old ratr And then again consider
what has happered to LeOndas. From time imme-
mortal he has been credited with winning the day &C
Thermopylae with practically nobody to help him-s
mere 600. But here comes staflstcian who reports
that he has discovered that Leondas was backed up
by an army 1000 strong the morning that Xerxcs
vanly endeavored 10 get delegates away from him.
DO you blame me for holding that whatever is isnti
Some years ago a paper read I'm this city by
accomplished scholar before a body OF college
graduates An abstract OF It published at the
time and It among the scraps which nshed QUO
Of the drawer of desk. Here is an extract from
this abstract
France. "L'etat c'es1 Ihor was never uttered by
Louis at all. bur by Mazarin twenty years before
by Queen Elizabeth. sappho never billed herself
by jumping from a rock, but died q natural death.
story OF the virtues Of the Roman matron Increta
must be rejected: while the story of lioratn and
wers not the victims Of their fathers Hrmncss,
Of his brutality was utterly Ire 81 for asm
the story Of his using vinegar cleave the rocks
..lx1r In Oola ol
m %s si newer sa a S lever long and
at any known period OF his life o. discoveries.
Alexandria never visited by Omar nor was the
say: And yet it moves, for all THAR since II Is
proved from authentic documents that he dd nor
and thus confuted his Knockers is fabulous. as also
Is the story that he encourssed his followers with
Of Cromwell taken nom .westminster Abbey. and
Corpse secretly removed nom the Abbey and bIriea
not have cOnsoled their father in his blindness by
reading passages from the old Authors for the
Of reasOns-fhcy did not know how 10 read
Whatever is isn't-isn't It Suppose we call
Thomas Jefferson to the stand For years and years
IL was popularity supposed that Jefferson and Spartan
simplicity, Jefferson and cheese pairing were synony-
nous terms. "JcfersOnian simplicity was gen
orally accepted phrase like ne plus ultra or " vOx
]
Tribune one morning and there letter from a
blood relation Of Mr.. Jefferson. lie said that thers
was no foundation for the assertion that his illustrious
ancestor was exponent OF simplicity. the fact
being that Thomas loved the GOOD things OF his
life had them and lived generously Just 50. My
next witness IS General stark Dlu'i Ia, rush into
the battle of Bennington crying: d" We hold that fell
tonight or Mollie starks widow - certainly he
did every school boy knows thai h. did. Bu stop
a mil A q frtql
hand a branch from the stark genealogical tree. fhis
branch shows that the Generals wife the daughter
Of Caleb Page OF start siOwn. DumhariOn, y H..
was named Elizabeth" You can't get M0llie out Of
Elizabeth The General the iconociasis In
sst. /" must have said Betty stafs-roE Mo!c stark
Very likely. Whatever IS isn't.
What morc2 Much more. More than ihers + roon
for. Was Joan OF Arc burned ~ thc stahe' II -
soutly held that she was not-'hsi she perShst by
proxy Did Shakespeare write The play OF shake
speare but we wOn'' 20 ino th2L The phlaSe
sweetness and light is well sigh unyc sally sup
rosed TO have originated with Mathew A~n'h But
no. long ago a correspondent % The London Times
held that Phllo Judaeus rs ls'h,r "A". out
Of tho coal business ever doubted that lehch coal
was Lehlgh coal Nevertheless Ii!sd'lghia aler
surcd reporter The ohcr dsY that hall hc cOn
modify sold in this city as TchiSt coal comr- from
other localities Recently Abb" larsc| Missionary,
published pamphlet the great wall of China,
pointing ont thai there no. now and never had
been such structure. Was Lucrciia Dorgfa a model
OF practical pety? Possibly not stl. according TO
william Waldorf Aston, who turned his attention 10
her character while he Mini Ter To Italy. she
was By black a. she has been
palned Every body calls saddle rocb" ter. AMI
everybody gets them. Bur professional! Sstcr openers
state-not necessarily for pubeaCil -'ha' ie oyster
known as the saddle rock disappeared los; ago iOu
like swiss cheese. don't You Well Washington
Market man told the Oit"r day that good
deal Of genuine Swiss cheese made in Ohio. The
peacock has gone down the ag's pride IN the
concrete Yet all authority birds informs Tie
Philadelphia News that " the Old. Old story about
the vanity Of the peacock + mise able myth
writer in Nature shows that living ih Incapable
! OF Gying. John Bury ans clam to re authorship
of The Pilgrims Progress does NO - uaoia eEscd.
It is said that he trau lated It f'on she trnch: and
within a week Lincolns goycnln,r. %, tie people,