Sharp County record., 1888-05-17
FULL OF FUN.

"A messenger boy s diary: "Alon-,
tay, hired; Tuesday. tired; Wednes-
lay. fired
Some scamp recently decorated,
in the night the great door Of Sing
Sing On Y.) prison with the legend;
Hair cut while you wait"
! The man who first discovered that
The ''world goes round and 'rOundr'
was probably coming home at lh"ee
o'clock in the morning. -DrGbe's
Magazine
-"Sh-h-n, child! Young people
should be silent when Older people arc
talking" "Then when shall young
people talk. mamma? Old people are
never silent" "-7enas Sifti"g'.
Customer Waiter bring me
some rice pudding" Waitcr-I can't
lust recommend the rice pudding to-
| day." Customer-"Why. what's the
matter with it?" Waiter-'Nmhin
'cept there ain'tnone."
Book Agent How do you do.
madam. Will your dog bite?' Madam
-"Waal, l reckon he will" Book
Would you have the good
ness 10 speak TO himP' Madam--"Cer-
tainlv. Sick i'm, Tige; sick 'm!'-
Haper's Bazar
-Cesus-"How much did you say
Mr. Newgold was down for?" The
Minister-'Five hundred dollars, SIR
Crpsus-"Put me down for six hun
dred dollars, then. In n matter Of
Christian charity | can't stand on
level with an upstart like him. -
Puck.
Omaha Man (rcading)-" "Fomale
carpenters have appeared in London"
wifi "Slou,dn' wonder. A woman
can be a carpenter now as well as a
man." "Why SOP 81 saw by the pa.
per the other day that an Englishman
had invented q machine for driving
nails. omaha World
Extract from an unpublished
novel: "As Augustus left the door old
Mr.. Brown came out aud threw on old
shoe after him, for good luck, as Au-
oustus surmised. There was nun
ber nine foot in the shoe, however, aud
Augustus felt his speed greatly ac-
CELEBRATED. "-JomHay of Education.
Customer Con Chatham streeD-
-Four dollars seems u high price for
that suit, Mr. Isaac stein" Mr. Isaac
stein Gin low, thrilling whispcD-
NV frent, dot vas 4 siX-dollar Sull
made for Mr.. R issell Sage nit Vail
street 1t fitted dot shentlemans too
ou-vick across der pack. You dake
him FIR four tolar. '-7id- Bis.
Il hear they are going to have 4
donkey party at BIS" said Par
sonvile man to his neighbor so |
understand" was the reply; 'are you
going?" "Of course l am" said the
Parsonville man; "hey couldn't have
the party without mel" And he
couldn' quite make out what the other
fellow was laughing at.-SL AIOa@
Messenger
-"What are those potatoes worth!
he inquired of the grocer -Four dOl-
lars a bushel.' Holy smoke! -Four
: dollars Guess we won't eat any
more potatoes. You wanted them
to eat, did you? l can let you have
them for fifty cents peck, then.
thought you wanted them for seed. =
Detroit Free Press,
They were talking about that
fearful cyclone in the West. 81 have
mortal dread of cyclones. "Wr' I
you ever in one?' somebody asked.
No, but lost my dear aunt in one
That is very sad" You bet it was
tough She hadn't made her will, and y
instead of me, another relative gO'
the property I've never had any Use
for cyclones since "-IerdS SJtmS
PA, who was it turned the gar
den hose on Reginald when he was
serenading me?' ut was l.. dausD'
ter" And why pray?' Because
Shakespeare advises it. He says
music's the food of love, play on, anu
assuming R 'ginald's brand of muSlc'0'
be the food of love, played on
played on him with the hose and
dilution of insect powder. - I0''sSr'
| GuzetEe