Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1888-04-05
WIT AND IIUN0R.

Inc philosopher says: Nv Use men
hesitate" Perhaps that is why so few
men are in any haste to pay their bills.
Boston Post.
"Who is that MANI" Hes the SER
want of old Smith, the undertaken. "
''Ah! then he's the valet of the shadow
of death. "-Tol0n Topics
The Transcript speaks of the turtle
as taking leading part at dinners"
We thought he generally appeared as
a supe.-BoStoI1 BatLtetin.
A man does well in this world when
he holds his own. He should never try
to hold all that belongs to the bar
keeper. Orleans Picay4ne.
Friend to Congressman's wife-Is
your husband Il man of sedentary
habits? Wife-Of course not He
has not touched q drop fer fifteen
years. Washington Critic.
Blobson, who never goes out or
comes in without falling over an
antique jar or piece of bronze, persists
in calling his wife's collection .,break-
your back. "-Burlington Free Press.
Young Mr.. Waldo Cat the opera, to
Miss Breezy of Chicago)-Isn't that
lady seated Immediately behind us
eating peanuts? Miss Breezy-Yes,
and isn't the odor delicous?-M T.
San.
Caligula once spent 100000 on Il
single supper. So history says. The
truth probably is that lie spent 800 on
the supper and handed over the
rest as tips to the waiters.-BaJtin9ore
american.
If jay Gould visits Austria the En-
peror can do no less, in recognition of
his merits, than make him a Knight of
the Golden Fleece. As fleecer Jay
has always been Il great success
Syracuse Herald.
4 sportsman is man who spends all
day away from his business, 81 for
powder and shot, and comes home at
night tired, hungry, and ugly, drag
ging 14-cent rabbit by the ears
Derter (Me,) Gazette.
so that is Carlisle, is it?" said a
Washington visitor to his guide. Eyes,
sir ''Weu." said the visitor, turning
away, she may be a great writer, but
L , outrageous GllC wa IlI tSCd " USE
MS poor little wife. = The Epoch.
A copy of Eliot's Indian Bible was
sold at auction recently in Boston for
$21O. The high value placed upon this
book at the Hub is owing to the fact
that the word ''Mugwump" was de-
rived OBJECTIONABLE York World.
''Did I understand you to say"
asked the pastor, ''that you were 60
ing to reform or had reformed?"
Both" said the young man, Il did
reform last year and this year l am
trying to reform the reformation. y
Burdette.
We are getting tired of reading
about the ''V-shaped corsage." Give
some other letter a chance. Is Y the
only shape that combines the greatest
area of exposure with the most perfect
sense of modesty? -MarthG's Vineyard
Herald.
Virgins has recently predicted that
there would be no more earthquakes
for sixteen years, but evidently over
looked the Presidential election and
John L. Sulliyan's victorious return
from several foreign shores. -Nea0
HaUen NeaOs.
"What do you want the girls to
wear at your reception" asked Il
prospective guest of a vivacious leader
in society. II want nothing but the
most exquisite dressing, was the re-
ply, "aEd mighty little of that" p
Ptttsburg Dispatch.
w. d. HoWells saws that no mans
character is formed until he has been
tried by the woman he loves. This idea
is much more pleasantly expressed than
it would save been by open allusion to
the quest on of who shall build the
morning tires.-0mahG Bee.
''And so your dear husband has
gone to Heaven" ''Well, can't say
positively us to that. He didn't let on
where he was going. guess he thought
II best to keep sort O quiet or some of
his creditors might get on to his tracks"
Boston Transcript
An artist once gave little supper
at his studio, and he put in his invita-
ton B. S. G. Y. The letters puzzled
some people, who found when they
went to the supper that they meant:
Bring some cold yictuals. San
Francisco Chronicle.
4 young preacher picked up Bishop
Pierce's hat and put it on his own head,
and 1T was exactly a fit. why,
Bishop" said he, your head and mine
are exactly the same size" y es,
replied the Bishop, ION the outside"
Little Rock Methodist.
Dora Have you heard the latest en-
gagement? Flora-O, you mean Miss
Blanks. That is nothing new. She
has been engaged before. Nora
(whose father is in the real-cstate bust
ness)-I hear that she had the refusal
of six men!-JeWiSh Messenger.
Did you ever go tobogganing, Mr.
WinterWheat?" NO" said the old
man, "but once stepped into the ele-
0ator we'll and fell down four stories
in three-tentEs of a second. That is
fast enough for me; I'm getting too
old for much excitement" -Burdette
Omaha man-''Is Kansas CITY rs
full of real-estate agents as ever?" Re
turned traveller. Most of the
offices are closed" What has be-
come of them?' Well, l don't know.
of course, but there is good deal of
6and-ba@ging going on down there .
Omaha World
1t is rumored that Mr.. Lowell is re-
rising his courtship poem, in which
''Zeke peeped thru the winder." This
particular line will read: Ezekiel
glawnced through the easement, don't
cher know" Mr.. Lowell is either in
England OF will sail for there shortly
The Epoch.
Miss Polly (of Nevada)-I was sur