The Daily bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Hawaii]) 1882-1895, 1888-08-25

them a mystery the record of time
disappeared
And the people fell down and /
worshipped these clocks; For f.
said they, "thesc are beautiful .
specimens of island wisdom. If !
they get adrift,a a hammer and nail, |
or piece of putty, will set them
going in no time.
Then there arose trouble in the
land; for Judda, the Chief Cook of
the Supreme kitchen, along with his
assistants, rallied against the minor
clocks, declaring that they were not
in time with the great clock, nor
could they keep along with it. He
lifted up his voice and said, "Woe
unto you, watchmakers! l will, as
in duty bound, cook your dinner by
the Great Regulator, and if you pre-
fer to eat it by your unconstitu-
tional turnips, trumpery amateur
rubbish, your soup shall be burnt,
your chops cinders, your Irish po-
tatoes worthless Fenians, and your
goose, when cooked, illegally done
brown"
This angered the clock makers
and the "backstairs of the clock
shop, and they were exceeding
wrath with the cooks, and said with
one voice, "You have your wages,
and you must get our grub as are
please, and by or time. We can
make our watches as we think fit.
We are revolutionary clock
makers, and we want "revolution-
ary" cooks, and if you don't "revo-
lutte" we'll get a set of Chinese
cooks who will. Your days are not
our days. You make noon at -
O'Clock, when the sun is on the
meridian. Whose dog is meridian!
Let him perish as the son of burnt
father What do we care for suns
or moons, or stars, or meridians, or
any such weak inventions? We are
reformers in clockology, and have
the light of great intellects, Mashal-
lahb enough to set Pearl river on
fire. He who wants more, by the
tomb of the Prophet, let him perish I.
aIikoim. humbug, iiddlededee!
Are we children, unable to make
clocks for ourselves? A fig for the
Great Regulator, it must be made to
go to suit our time-pieces. To Jer-
icho with the fossilated Cooley chro-
nometer! If we choose to make
noon at four O'Clock, or morning at
midnight, or decree that this day
week shall be yesterday fortnight,
or put one year before the other, or
next Christmas on the top of Punch
bowl, then we say, that the difference
of climate and circumstances rem
derS it convenient and suitable for
us to do so ; and we have the right
to do it; we are supreme. BY our
clocks the cooks shall prepare us a
stew.
And the excited multitude howled
with delight, and said, These are
wise men words flow from their lips
like water from a pump! Allah ac-
bar! They have learning enough tc
choke horse; let no dog bark at
them.
Now, there were some among the
people, lookers-on in Boshmere, who
kept themselves cool, and they
smiled sarcastically and contemptu
ously; for they saw these unskillec
: clock k-muddlers were q caution tc
cats, and were knocking all timt
into smithereens.
: Great confusion and greater un
certainty arose, which contributed
, greatly to the happiness of tin
l clock makers and their disciples
but was the cause of remarkable oc
2 currences and inconvenient mis-
| takes. The usual conditions of lif
! became oddly complicated. Man,
were married at the wrong hour, 81
that no man had a wife he coulc
legally call his own children wer
born out of season, and lost thei
nativity; men arose for daily bust
ness, and found it was yesterday
no man knew his own age, ladies cs
pecially lost count Of time, and were
perpetually getting back into is
such as had no money to pay were
ofttimes many months after date
and gave thanks to Allah and the
: clock-makers; whereas the bankers
, blasphemed, and were heavily linet
, for bad talk at the street corners,