The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1888-01-25
FULL OF FUN.

heart.
Il saw pretty thing in kid
gloves last evening"" observed Fitz.
percy to his sister What was ita" |
MY best girls hand"
Here is corker: What is the
difference between twelve penny
weights and the bulletin-board? One
is an ounce and the other announces"
-Durdette.
"A pithy definition of lover is the
following: "A lover is man who
cndeavors to be more alniable than it
is possible for man to be, and this is
the reason why almost all lovers ap-
pear ridiculous.
Scene. Madison Square. First
Actor-"Don't detain ME. old boy.
I'm just in from Pittsburgh. and I'm
in great hurry" Second Actor
"Where are you going?" First Actor
I'm going to see chiropodist. ~
Texas Stttings.
Mrs. Yeast who has recently mar
ried for the second time-':My. my.
am 80 fond of life and gayety" Mr..
Yeast-''Well dear. am not more
lively than your first hus band?" More
livelyr Ishould say so. Why. man.
nv first husband is dead" - Yonkers
Statesman.
-EIijah-"Sav. Z,ke. l heah yo'
brudder married rich heiress; am
dat sop ke-"Yes. she's wuth
bout f. million" Elijah (surprised)
SO much as dat?' Zekc-"Its f.
million or fl hundred, l dunno wich.
but l know it's 'normous mount
Cincinnati Enquirer.
-Gentlemanly Burglar Tin hotel
corridor)-"Dd you lose pair OF
breeches out Of your room last night?"
Hotel Guest-"Yes, and I've just sent
out to get another pair" Burglar
That's good; but I wish you'd tell mo
who made these for you. wan ter
take 'em down an get EN- heightened !"
Puck
"A Fine Mind. There is a good
deal in the remark: Stone walls do
not a prison make. nor iron bars .
cage" said Damley; "a good deal in
it. It's chuck-full of wisdom I"
where did you hear it7' he was
asked. Il heard Featherly say it
That Fea,herly is bright young fol.
lowI'-Puck.
| "A miser. troubled with heart
disease. finally decided TO call a
physician. After the prelimin airy
examination the patient asked: DOC.
tor. how much is it going to coste''
'Not a sou." Thanks; but you're
too kind. 1 ought not to- %.
don't trouble yourself! Your heirs
will see that am paid. ."-Judoe.
How many birthdays do yor
think have ha ~" one person wa!
, heard to say to another in the horse
car. oh. about forty -seven," hazard
ed the person addressed .Oaly ont
: birthday. The rest have been ami
D versaries," was the explanation. ant
the car suddenly stopped.
Poor Farmer Blaqne.
The granger who took in Q cheque
On . bank that had all gone wreQue
Was 80 whelmed with chagrin
.
And hung himself up by his neQue.
-Yoskers Gazette.
e "A big newsboy was insulting
f small bootblack in the alley back {
q the post-office yesterday. when q le,
, ter-carrier said to the little chap:
u wouldn't stand it if were you"
am obliged to ~ answered the boy. q
he trotted along with the carrier. III
ont Of condition this summer. m
Is trainer is out West and the polio
# won't let us go beyond ten round
anyhow. Wait till l catch him j
y Chicago" Detroit Free Press,
y "A chorister in II village church
d Scotland. wishing for a musical pitcl
-e fork with which to pitch the tunes
asked aneighbor who ran an expires
to the nearest city. to get one for hin
Is The honest expressman. who neve
lie heard of any other kind of pitchfor
n but that used in farm work. pu
!. chased one at least ten feet long.
" was on Saturday evening before l
u came home. and. rs message b:
IS been left 10 bring it up when he can
rs to church the next day. he marchs
into the churchyard before the be
is rang. where the master
ne song was standing among group
at villagers. and said: "Aweel. Joh
ol here's the pitchfork you wanted; b
can tell you ne'er thought muck
o. O. your singing befor'. and I'm sa
Id mist AIKEN gin You'll sing ony bett
sb now. IN Y Ledger.