davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-06-28
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
WHAT THE FUNNY MEN OF THE
PRESS HAVE TO SAY.
Wisdom Will Come-She Took Some
Lessons He Was a Ruler A
Jealous Rival 1.-The Poison Sea-
son, Etc, Etc.
DIDN'T LAUGH.

Newspaper Humorist (sarcastically to
his best girD-People may sneer and
sneer at my special line ef work, but it
brings in the dollars just the same.
Best Girl Geproachfully-I hope, Char
lie, you don't include me. I never think
of laughing at your work.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-06-28
EMBARRASSED.

Jinks was young man who had been
married year, and he was telling a
friend how difident he was when single.
"Were you much embarrassed when
you popped the question: asked his
friend.
Embarrassed. Well, I should say I
was. I owed 1,50O for board and
clothes and one thing or other, and
didn't have a darned cent to pay it
with. "-Teras SitingS.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-06-28
DISAPPOINTMENT

I met her in the giddy whirl,
She struck me as pretty girl;
And now I've made her mine for life
She strikes me as an angry wife.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-06-28
A JEALOUS RIVAL.

Mrs. Waldo Ito daughter)-I see,
Penelope, that New York paper has
referred to Mr.. Sullivan as ga drunken
brute"
Miss Penelope-Yes, mamma; and
New York paper spoke of Mr.. Lowell as
"being SO English y know" 1t is sec
tional jealousy, mamma, nothing more.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-06-28

Grocer-That is fresh country butter,
sir. You can take my word for it.
Customer-All right; send five pounds
and charge it.
Grocer-Eer-how aln to know if I
will get my money?
Customer-Yon can take my word for
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-06-28
TOO MUCH FOR THE HUB.

Customer Ito Boston Barber)- What
has become of that New York man you
had last week He was the best barber
/ ever saw.
Boston Barber-Yes, he was an artist;
but he persisted in saying "nex' gent"
for 'next gentleman" and had to let
him go.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-06-28

The late Mrs. Proctor, having once
met Sydney Smith in company with
Macaulay, afterwards observed that she
had been disappointed by the historian s
silence. We'll, " said Sydney, the only
opportunity gave him you took"
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04
Questions Answered.

G. B. c., MoRETowN.-Con has
passed the bill increasing the rate of
pension for total deafness from Sl3 to
$50 month.
Il. S., WooDsToCK.-If you have
lost your discharge certificate you can,
by applying to the Acknowledgement, U.
S. A, Washington, ID. c., receive a
new one. The fee allowed attorneys
for procuring discharge certificate is
not fixed by law and is such fee as
the parties contract for, usually from
IS to 80.
II. L., RICHMOND. Your discharge
certificate does not have to be for
warded to the pension Office with an
application for pension. 1t is neces-
sary, however, to produce the discharge
papers in a claim for back paw or
bounty. The attorney fee allowed by
law for prosecuting claim for 500
bounty is $40.
J. B., HUNTINGToN.-There are
about $4,000 remaining in the treasury
of Vermont belonging TO the soldiers
who served in Vermont regiments dur
ing the rebellion. 1t is made up of
small balances of state pay and allot-
ment money. If there is balance
due you you can procure it by applying
to Hon. William II. Dubois, state
treasurer, West Randolph.
N. B. H., WEST BoLToN.-Youc can
obtain truss from the government by
ordering it through any surgeon of the
pension boards. Every soldier pen
stoned for hernia is entitled to truss
from the government. The surgeon
who fills out your order will charge you
nothing. You will bear your own ex-
penses, of course, in going to and from
the surgeons office.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04
lie Captured the Cannon.

One of the war veterans who were
guests of the Twelfth Regimentin New
York, recently, told this story: " When
reaching the Army of the Potomac as
recruit for the - New York regi-
ment, twenty-five years ago, just be-
fore the Charlottesville campaign,
soon heard of man in my company
whose notoriety for cowardice had made
him the victim of many jests during his
short service in the camp. Plenty of
men are bitten by fear upon going into
action, but this fellow had the rare
reputation of being an incurable pol
troon, and the mere crack of rifle had
often thrown him into fits so violent
that two of his comrades had to leave
the ranks to keep him in order. He
was with the regiment at Chancellors-
vile, on the right, when we began to
exchange shots with the enemy in that
quarter, and he trembled so violently
that he could not handle his rifle. A
small rebel cannon that had been pulled
on to knoll some distance off, and
that was playing an independent game
apart from the confederate force, threw
a ball that struck the ground Just in
front of him and scared him out of
his wits. He became blind with fright,
broke from the ranks, took to his heels,
and, not knowing where to flee, ran d-
rectly toward the hostile gun, which
was manned by two old Virginia mill
tiamen in gray, who had undertaken
to render their state some service. The
two Virginians behind the ridge sud-
denly saw the Infatuated Yank rushing
upon them, and believing him to be
followed by his regiment, took to flight,
leaving their cannon behind them. The
poltroon stood aghast for moment
alongside the piece of artillery which
he had captured, and almost stimuli
taneously our regiment, by rapid adj
vance and few shots, drove back the
company of rebels that had been lurk-
ing in front, and we held the ground
for the time being. But the wonder
full deed of our comrade who seized the
enemy's gun had been witnessed by
the mounted general of our brigade
who happened to be relative of his,
and within forty-eight hours the fellow
who had been the laughingstock of
the regiment was promoted for gal
lantry in the fied.'
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04
Sm General.
Lament OF a M0cking- Bird.

silence-instead of thy sweet song my bird,
Which through the darkness Of my winter days
warbng of summer sunshine still was heard
Mute is thy song and vacant is thy place.
The spring comes back again, the fields rejoice
Carols Of gadness ring from every tree
But shall hear thy wild triumphant voice
No more-my summer song has died with thee.
The broad bright, Drumming river, whose swift
sweep
And whirling eddies by thy home are heard
Rushing, resistless, to the calling deep?
What ddst thou sing of, thou melodious sprite-
Pine forests, with smooth russell carpets spread,
Where cen at MONDAY dimly falls the light
Through gloomy blue-green branches overhead
What didst thou sing Of, oh thou jubilant soul
Ever-fresh flowers, invertebrates trees
Bending great ivory cups to the control
OF the soft swayng orange. scented breeze?
What didst thou sing OF, thou embodied glee-
The wide wild marshes with their clashing reeds
And topaz-tinted channels where the sea
Daily its tides of briny freshness leads2
What didst thou sing Of oh though winged voice
Dark, bronzeleaved oaks, with silver moses
crown'd,
Where thy free kindred live, love and rejoice,
with wreaths of golden jasmine curtain'd round2
These didst thou sing Of spirit of delight
From thy own radiant sky, thou quivering spark
These, thy sweet southern dreams of warmth ant
light,
Through the grim northern winter drear and dark
Fanny henJie.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04
Two Miles of Cannon.

The great sight of Gibraltar is the
Notifications, which are on an immense
scale, as the whole circuit of the rock
is seven miles. But not all this requires
to be defended, for on the eastern side
the cliff is so tremendous that there is
no possibility of scaling it. 1t is fear
full to stand on the brow and look down
to where the waves are dashing, more
than thousand feet below. The only
approach must be by land from the
north or from the sea on the western
or southern side. The two latter are
defended by a succession of batteries
carried along the sea-wall and up the
side of The rock, so that there is not a
spot on which an assailant can set his
foot which is not under the fire of
guns. The northern side is pierced by
the great galleries cut in the rock, which
are the unique feature of Gibraltar
that distinguishes it above all the other
fortresses of the world These were be-
gun more than a hundred years ago,
during the great siege, which lasted
nearly four years, when the inhabitants
had no rest day nor night. After we
have passed through one tier, perhaps
Il lnlle III leHSln, we mount 10 second,
which rises above the other like the
upper deck of an enormous line-of-bat-
tie ship. Enormous indeed it must be,
if we can imagine double-decker a
mile long! AS we tramped past these
endless rows of cannon it occurred to
me that their simultaneous discharge
must be very trying to the nerves of
the artilleryman Gf he has any nerves. ,
as the conclusion against the walls of
rock is much greater than if they were
fired in the open air, and | asked my
guide if he did not dread it? He con-
fessed that he did, but added, like the
plucky soldier that he was: We've
got to stand up to it!"-Scribner'S
MdQdzine.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04
Lord Nelson and the Midshipman.

Lord Nelson was most careful and
kind in his training of the midshipmen
under his charge. 1t may well be sup
posed that among thirty boys some
would be found who were timid, as well
as many who were bold. He never re-
buked the timid, but always wished to
show them that he desired nothing
which he would not instantly do him
self. He would say to one: Well, l
am going race to the masthead, and
beg may meet you there" No denial
could be given, and the poor little fell
low would at once begin to climb.
When Captain Nelson got to the top he
would not appear to notice how the
frightened midshipman managed his
task, but would speak in the most cheer
full tones to him and say: pity any
one who could fancy there is anything
dangerous or even 'disagreeable in
climbing to the masthead" Inspired
by the example, as well as the hopeful
words of his superior, the young mid
shipman would soon forget his fear and
become as brave as his companions.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04
Earth, Air, Fire and Water.

In this game the party sit in circle !;
one throws a handkerchief at another,
and calls out " Air!' The person
whom the handkerchief hits must call
eagle, vulture, lark, seamew, partridge
woodcock, snipe, or some other bird
belonging to the air, before the caller
can count ten, which he does in a loud
voice and as fast as possible. If a
creature who does not live in the air is
named, or the person fails to speak
quickly enough, forfeit must be paid.
The person who catches the handker-
chief throws it to another in turn, and
calls out Earth' The person who is
hit must call out elephant, horse, dog,
cat, mouse, Guinea pig, OK or any
other creature which lives upon the
earth in the same space of time as
allowed before. Then throw the
handkerchief to another, and call out
" Water" The one who catches the
handkerchief observes the same rules
as the preceding, and is liable to
the same forfeits unless they call out
Immediately trout, mackerel, herring
sole, or the name of some fish that
lives in the water. Any one who
mentions bird, beast, or fish twice is
likewise liable to a forfeit. If any
player calls " Fire!" every one must
keep silence, because no creature lives
in that element.-Erchdnge.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04
Bulgarian Women.

Bulgarian peasant women are ex-
tremely robust and hardy, though they
are, as a rule, short of stature. They
are thickly set, their chests well devel-
oped and their limbs muscular from
constant exercise and toll in the open
air. Their Tartar origin shows itself
in their high projecting cheek bones,
short snub noses and little twinkling
eyes. Social life among this class Of
the population differs from that of the
Greeks chiefly in the position of the
women. A Bulgarian bulka, or good
wife, takes an almost equal share with
her husband in the bread-winning, and
consequently her word has considerable
weight in the family council. Like all
women in the East, she is sober and
thrifty, keeps at least the inside of her
house clean and tidy, cooks palatable
food, spins, weaves, knits and sews all
the clothes for the family. Her ward
robe consists of two suits-one the gala
costume in which she was married, and
which will last her lifetime for Sundays
and prasnik, or feast days; and one of
the same pattern, but of more homely
material, for working days. The
former consists chiefly of a long linen
garment worked round the seams, a
cloth coat richly embroidered, large
apron nearly covered with the same
ornamentation, but no petticoats and
on the head bordered white kerchief
artistically arranged and fastened with
silver pins and strings of coins. These
dresses, with some carpets, rugs, tow
els and sheets, form Bulgarian girls
trousseau. Among the peasants pro-
posal of marriage is made to the father,
who accepts the sutton on his promis-
ing to pay sum varying, l am told,
from ESQ to 600, according to his
means. This is the purchase money
for the labor of the hardy maiden,
which will, on her marriage, belong to
the husband Woman's World.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04
Soldiers &uoQet.
Pensions Granted.

To Frederick A. Hart, Waterbury, an
additional pension from Sc to S12 a
month and S1S5 arrears; Ezekiel Kent,
Montpelier, guardian of minors of Fran
els Predlieu, S14 month and S2,050 ar
rears; Lorenzo ID. Keyes, Bratteboro,
an increase from "a to SO month /;
George w. Phelps, East Topsham, Sc
a month and 1886 arrears; Robinson
Rich, Chelsea, So month and 81 100 ar
rears; George w. Wise, Barre, an in
crease from IS to S12 a month; Cyrus
l.. Jones, Emore, bounty of 500.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04
Catarrhal Dangers.

To he freed from the dangers of sufocation while
lying down; to breathe freely sleep soundly and
dsturbed to rise refreshed head clear brain active
and free from pain ache; to know that poison
Gus, putrid matter defiles the breath and ros away
the delicate machinery of smell. taste and hearings
to feel that the system does not through its veins
and arteries suck up the poison that is sure to
undermine and destroy, is indeed blessing beyond
all other human enjoyments. To purchase i'm
munty from such fate should be the object of all
afflicted. But those who have tried many remedies
and physicians despair of relief cure.
SANFoRD's RADICAL CURE meets every phase of
Catarrh from simple head cold to the most loath-
some and destructive stages. 1t is local and con-
stitutional Instant in relieving. permanent in
curing, safe, economical and never-failing,
SANFoRD's RADICAL CURE consists of one bottle
of the RADICAL CURE, one box of CATARRHAL
SOLVENT and one IMPROVED INHALER, all wrapped
in one package, with treatise and directions. and
sold by all druggists for Sl0O.
POTTER DRUG AND CHEMICAL Co., BOSTON.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04
advertisements.
What a Time

People formerly had, trying to swallow
the old-fashioned pill with its film Of
magnesia vainly Disgusting its bitter
ness and what n contrast to Ayers
Pills, that have been well called "med-
icated sugar-pluns" go the only fear be-
ing that patients may be tempted into
taking too many at a dose. But the
directions are plain and should be
strictly followed.
j. 7. Teller, NJ. D., Of Chittenango,
N. Y, expresses exactly what hundreds
have written at greater length. He
says; "Ayer's Cathartic Pills are highly
appreciated. They are perfect in form
and coating, and their effects are all
that the most careful physician could
desire. They have supplanted all the
Pills formerly popular here, and think
it must be long before any other can
be made that will at all compare with
them. Those who buy your pills get
full value for their money"
"Safe, pleasant, and certain in
their action" is the concise testimony
vi III beOrSe E' diker, OF MarJlllS-
vile, Virginia.
ayers Pills outsell all similar prep
arations. The public having once used
them, will have no Others" - Berry,
Venable & Collier, Atlanta, Ga.
Ayers Pills,
Prepared by DR.. j. c. Ayers Co., Lowell, Mass,
Sold by all Dealers in Medicine.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04

A MAN who has practiced medicine for
forty years ought to know salt from
sugar. Read what he says:
TOLEDO, o., January 10, 1887.
MeSSrs. f. j. Cheney Dc Co.:
GENTLEMEN-I have been in the
general practice of medicine for most
forty years, and would say that in all
my practice and experience | have
never seen preparation that l could
prescribe with as much confidence of
success as l can Halls Catarrh Cure,
manufactured by you. Have prescribed
it great many times and its effect is
wonderful. would say, in conclusion,
that have yet to find case of catarrh
that it would not cure if they would
take it according to directions.
Yours truly,
l.. l.. GoRsUCH, MD,
Office 2l5 Summit Street.
We will give one hundred dollars for
any case of catarrh that can not be cured
with Halls Catarrh Cure. Taken in
ternally.
f. j. CHENEY & Co.,
Proprietors, Toledo, Ohio.
c. Sold by druggists at seventy-6ve
cents.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04

for some such way as this to cothe
themselves l sadly fear that the sub
ordinate officers of the Union army
would sometimes have been reduced to
something like the primitive costume of
our first parents in the garden.-Chicago
I s1oor
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04

CABOT, VT Nov. 81 1857.
DIR. j. GA. PACKER; Dear Sir-Many years ago,
in November 1856, had severe attack of Sciatca.
Until | obtained your remedy there had not been
week at a time in which had not suffered more
less pain in my left hip and leg, sometimes attended
with swelling and Inflammation. For hours at
time could not move or he moved on account of the
pain produced by changing positions. In October,
1856 friend urged me to give your remedy for rheu-
matism and catarrh trial, and purchased bottle
of it. Its gave me great and permanent relief.
| am now able to attend my business every day
with but little Inconvenience Let the afflicted try
it. and they will be satisfied with the results. Yours
respectfully, D. &, GRAVES.
other testimonials to the efficacy of this won
derfu specific might be added If this does not
suffice to induce you to give this remedy trial call
your druggist for circular containing others,
which will more fully convince you.
Price. 81 Per Bottle. Sold by Druggists.
DIR. j. Q. A. PACKER, Proprietor,
MarshfieId, Vermont.
George b. Goodwin & Co.. Boston, wholesale agents
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04

A BIG APRIL FooL.-" April fool +"
was what Spring Disease said when he
came out of house where he had
hoped to board for a few weeks. He
was fooled badly, for he knew he could
not stay where Paine's Celery Com
pound was used. This medicine al
ways drives out Spring Disease.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04

To insure long life recreation should
be part of our daily life. 1t makes the
busy man thoughtful and keeps the
thoughtful man busy. 1t insures health,
success and the accomplishment of more
work in less time and better.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04

THE first Chinese ever put on the
pension roll was entered recently. The
mans name is All Lin and he was in
the service in California during the
rebellion. He broke his leg in the serv-
ice and now will have IS a month
to help him keep his pigtail in good
condition.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04

CONGRESS has appropriated money
to pay the claims that have been al
lowed by the different departments
for horses lost in the service, arrears
of pay, bounty, ETC., and the payment
of such claims, which have been de-
layed year or two, has commenced at
Washington.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04

Send to the publisher of the magazine
you want for sample copy, enclosing a
strihe in stamps, say five cents, enough to
show you are not a dead-head He will
send you his terms of course. Compare
them with ours
These FIVE magazines are published by
ID. Lothrop Company, Boston Made for
families, they actually open new world to
them.
Ba6yIa"d, full Of pictures and songs and stories,
helps the mother even little baby helps him
grow, and directs his growth
Ow Lite Men and Women takes the six.year old
when he begins to read.
The PaHY comes with the Sunday School age
CAa"faMqm Young Folks' 5omnal is for young
scholars.
Viae A7Oake - this is what the publishers say Of
it -" library, study playhouse, life at home and
abroad, companonship Of the wise and good |" - de.
signed for the young, bnt for all improving people
We have the more satisfaction in club
bling with such magazines because they EN-
courage civilized life wherever they go.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04
DR.. GREENE'S
NERvuRA
NERVE TONIC,
THE GREAT SPRING TONIC.
FOR THE POSITIVE CURE OF

Nervousness, Weakness, Nervous Debility,
Nervous and Physical Exhaustion, Ner-
vous Prostitution, Sleeplessness, Despond-
ency, Paralysis, Numbness, Trembling,
Neuralgia, rheumatism, Pains in Side and
Back, Hysteria, Epileptic Fits, st. Vitus'
Dance, Palpitation, Nervous and Sick
Headache, Tired Feeling, Malaria, Dys-
pepsia, Indigestion, Loss of Appetite, Con-
stipation, Biliousness, Kidney and Liver
Diseases, Etc.
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04
DR.. 10. A. PACKERS
REM
-FOR-
r h cum tiSm
AND
Catarrh

Has been successfully ased in
private practice by its discov-
erer for several years. 1t is an
infallible cure for the most
The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1888-04-04
Weak and Nervous.


rIHEsE the feelings of which many com
L. plain. They are weak, tired and exhausted
they have appetite strength, life amb
ton to work; they become irritable, cross blue and
Discouraged in cases there are pains and aches
in various parts of the body aud there Is often in
digestion. dyspepsia, gas, duh head and general dis
RESTLESS AND pirited feeling Sleep
SLEEPLESS NIGHTS. less, restless and wake
full nights follow. Neglect of these symptoms
results in excessive prostraton paralysis.
with numbness, trembling cold feet and legs. prick
ling sensation and weakness and WEAKNESS of the
limbs. Thousands become PROSTRATION
Frustrated, paralyzed or in AND PARALYSIS.
sane by neglectng the first symptoms, not knowing
that the irritablity, gloom of the mind loss
of memory, nervous weakness and depression show
MENTAL DEPRESSION an exhaustion of
AND INSANITY. nerve force which
will unless the proper restorative remedy is used
result in utter mental collapse and absolute prostra
tion of nerve and physical power. Save yourselves
from these terrible results while there is vet time,
by the use of that wonderful nerve invigoraor aud
health restorer, DIR. GREENE's NERVURA NERVE
TONIC. 1t is purely vegetable remedy. and may be
used by children the most delicate invalids with
absolute certainty of Its effects truly
wonderful and it is only necessary it to be
WINGED of its marvellous restorative and strength
giving powers. 1t is an A GUARANTEED
absolute specific for CURE.
vous debility and hysical exhaustion. Persons with
weakened nerves and exhausted vitality regain
their strength and vigor by its Don't fail to
this remedy, which is the greatest medical discovery
of the century, and an absolutely certain cure will
result. All druggists keep it. Price 81 per bottle.
BE sure and get DR. GREENE's NERvURA NERVE
TONIC. Take no other. for this remedy has no
equal If your druggist does not have it, he will get
il for you Its discOverer, DIR. GREENE, "a
Temple Place Boston, Mass, the great specialist in