The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-04-18
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Stage whispers are frequently hard in
mail coaches.
If you want to know what sliding
scale is try to handle wet fish.
Under the hammer-the nail. Which
nail1 Why, your thumb nail, of course.
Witness, did you ever see the pris-
oner at the barr" "Oh, yes; that's
where | got acquainted with him."
At railroad crossing near the depot
in Adrian, Michigan, is a sign bearing
the words Prepare to Meet thy God"
"What kind of tobacco is this7"
asked the customer. Long cut or fine
cut7" Connecticut" replied the
dealer.
A Kansas City real estate agent was cut
on the cheek recently, and the Philadel-
phia CaHsuspects it must have been with
cold chisel
Stranger Ito Washington hotel clerk
-"Will you direct me to the barroom"
Clerk-"Yes, sir; follow the process
sion. ."-Ep0ch.
1.-TWO kuots an hour isn't such bad
time for clergyman" smilingly said the
minister to himself just after he had
ullJeu lut SeCOuu couple.
"Three scrupes make a drachm," is taught
BY teachers to their pupils;
Yet drains, if they're too often sought,
Won't add unto your scruples
Judge.
Beggar-"Helpl Won't you choke
the dog off, oflicer7 He's killing mel'
Officer ''Choke him off, brute What
do you take me forl Pm an officer OF
the S. p, @. A-TTd. Bits
There was once young man quite unique;
For forty-four tongues he could spique.
But one day for fone
He put them in one,
And he christened that one "Nolapique."
-Wdshing'on critic.
This is the toast which the modest
Irishman drank to the EngliSh'hasnr
"lIere's to you MS good as you are, and
here's to me as bad as am but as good
as you are, and as bad as l am, Pm as
good as you are as bad as l am"
"Good evening, Mrs. Ownhair how
did you like the entertainment last even
ingl" 81 was delighted" "And how
did you like the olio" ~ beg your
pardon, Mrs. Smith, but we use only the
best creamery butter. ."-B0st0n Tran
script
"George, ," asked the teacher of a Sun
day y-school class, "whom, above all 9th
ers, shall you wish to see when you get
to heavenp With face brighteningup
with anticipation the little fellow
shouted: "Gerliah. ."-B0StOn Christian
Register.
London Truth sums up the record of
Osman Digna, the famous Arab chief, as
follows: Killed, six times; fatally
wounded, three times severely wounded,
four times; troops totally dispersed, nine
times; permanently discouraged, three
times; escaped, once.
Judge to jury)-"Have you agreed
upon a verdictl Is the prisoner guilty
OF not guilty of theft, as charged in the
Indictment Foreman-"We have not
yet reached a verdict, you honor. l
missed my pOcket-bOok IN the night, and
/ would respectfully ask that each juror
be searched '-Nel0 York Sun.
The rooster would be much more
popular bird if he could only be induced
to feel that there is no real, vital neCessi-
" for his reporting his whereabouts be
tween midnight and 3 A. NJ. We know
that he is at home, in the bosom of his
family. So are we, but we don't get up
in the night to brag about it.-Bmdctte
Don Atenogenes complains bitterly of
the conduct of his SON lie relates at
length to an old friend all the young
mans escapades "You should speak TO
him with frmuess to call him to his
duty" says the friend. "But he pays
not the least attention to what say. He
listens only to the advice of fools.
wish you would talk to him. .'-Heriem
Fan.
"Sir," sad the prisoner, 81 did rot
pay this man for my refreshments, be-
cause l know nothing of the value of
money. never pay my debts. am
child of genius" "And what is your
agel" asked the justice. ''Forty-two
years" Then it is time you were
weaned, and his Honor gave him thirty
days away from the bottle.-Ne.o York
Netos.
THAT ton of coal looks to me about
two hundred pounds short, said "a family
man, "and by thunder I'll have it
weighed. The way some Of these coal
dealers cheat is wicked After he had
it weighed, he said 10 his wife: Its
all right; weighs about a hundred
pounds over ''How much viii You
have 10 pay for the extra weight Johnt'
/ .tNr- - -. hi. s-taL.