The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1888-08-23
WIT AND HuMOR.

hibition at the bathing beach.-
Martha's Vtaegard Herald.
Ladies' dresses can now be made of
paper, but one must feel cheap in pa
per covers. 1t is better TO be bound in
muslin.-Nes0 Orleans PicayWne.
Edith-Going to marry Link Wal
tonP Why, l thought you hated him!
Maude-So l do; and that's why L
want to claim family privileges
Puck.
We all grumble at the shortness OF
time, but we should scorn to look at
the functionary who should offer to
give us six months.-BostO91 Common
aCealth.
8 Physician-Yo wished me to call,
madam What is the matter? Lady
(reclining on sofa)-Nothing, doctor;
but that is just what alarms me-
Flieqesade Blaetter.
Returned travellers say that it is ut
terly impossible to get drink OF liquor
inMaine except for medicinal. mechan-
ical, scientific, or other purposes. =
Someavilte journal.
Edo you love me, Lena? Lena
think so. / dream of you every
night. Ed-What is your dream? Lena
II see you in Tiffany's-looking at
diamond rings.-Tfnle.
Tommy Filter, who has just begun
attending Sunday school, put this per
tinent question:: .sSay, teacher didn't
David lick Collier with one arm in a
sling?"--Neq0 HdUe,s NesCs.
If the sweet girl graduate only knew
as much as she looks pretty In her
graduating dress the man who marries
her could readily dispense with an en-
yclopedia.-Jourasal Of Education.
In the Sunday-school: Teacher
What did Pharaoh do? Small boy
(impetuously) know. 1t busted pa
all to sticks last night. l heard him
tell Mr.. Jones so.- Washington Critic.
The old gentleman was tired out, SO
he went to the cellar and turned off
the gas ..George, DEAR" said the
girl, Il guess we will have to call the
game ON account of darkness. Time.
Policeman (to citizen clinging to
lamp post)-Don't you want cab,
sirp Citizen-Y esh, offisher. if you
can (hicA fin one that amt turned
(hic) upshide down.-Neao York Sat'a.
A new song is called ..My Mothers
Hand" We suspect it is the sequel to
Mammals Slipper" and when intro
duced among the children 'sthere's
music in the heir. n-NorriStot0n Her
Gld
Old lady Ito boy who is tying tin
kettle to dogs taiD-Little boy, DOM
you know that it is wicked to treat 9
poor dumb animal so? Little boy
DumbP Jest wait till let him go!-
Time.
At fair lately held at Madison
Wis., a goose was voted the most popu
lar dude of the town. Yes, there is /
great deal of cruelty visited upon poo
dumb animals out West.-Neao Xorl
Tribune.
ssWhat are you doing now, Boozby?'
..Teaching school" Teaching school
Why. YOU can't spell a word of tw'
syllables." Il know that, but | cal
lick any two pupils together. Lin
coin Journal.
The man who makes an investmen
for the purpose of getting somethin:
for nothing generally succeeds in get
ting something. In addition to gettin;
left he usually gets Il little experience
OIL City Blizzard.
Hanover Squeer-It would be goo,
thing for that young Jack DOrr if TIL
conceit We're knocked out of him
Park Rowe-Great Scott! Their
wouldn't be enough ofhim left to han:
clothes oni-Pxck.
Citizen Ito stranger)-You seem t,
be in trouble, sfriend; / notice tear
in your eyes. Stranger-It's nothin:
serious, sir. | have IA case to plead il
court tomorrow, and I'm practicing ol
my speech before the jury.-Ep0ch.
Customer Ito Mr.. Isaacstein) n)-That'
Apoor fit, Isaacstein. Mr. Isaacstei,
--Ya, dot vas a miserable fit. Ven
mex clothes to fit, my trent, l lose do
high-doned Fifth avenoo sthyle gus
tom, and dat vas my specialty.-Nea
York San.
The lens of the Lick telescope mag
mites $4,000 times. 1t is a blessed
fhing-say. telescope; isn't tina
something to talk through? Seems t,
as we've heard some men who talket
through thing something like that
.Bardette.
1T Germany, Russia, France, or AM
other power wants war, why don
they walk up to the Captains offic'
and plank down their money? This
growing around like a lot of tom cat.
IS becoming tiresome to outsiders
Detroit Free Press.
He-How in time do the women con
trive to make the flowers on their bon
nets stand up SO straight? She-Why
don't you know? They are mounted
ON wires. He-That settles it. Th,
overhead wires must come down.
Boston transcript
''I don't see," said Mr.. Mcguire, a.
ne sat in the stern of the vessel, '.how
the Captain can find his way across the
ocean. If he was going the other way
all he'd have to do would be to follow
that white streak behind there. but in
mont there's nothing to point the way.
-Hasper's BazGr.
Magistrate Ito prisOner)-The plain.
tiff claims that you gouged his eye, Bit
a piece off his ear, Knocked him end
wise, and then walked up and down
his body; what did he do that YOU
should thus assault him? Prisoner
Your Honor, he allowed that | wasn't
no gentleman.-Epoch.
"The Darwinian theory. my dear, y
said Mr.. Knowitall, sis that we are all
OF Simian ancestry. Darwin believed
that Siam was the great leader in the
evolution of the world" Where upon
Mrs. Knowitall and the little Knowi-
tails wondered whence papa derived
his vast. .eruditioh. -Harper's Bazaar.
Brown (despairingly) -Dumley, I'm
ruined. My wife has left me, my for
fune is melting away, and the Sheriff
lis up at the house selling off every
thing but some unpaid gas bills! Dunn
ley (with his hand to his face)-Have
you got the toothache? Brown-No.
,Dumley-Well, you're lucky man. l
have. Wow!-Nea0 York sam.
A writer in the Philadelphia Netos
lstates that the ducks in the Chesapeake
do not scare at boat during .'the
close season"-that is, during the peri
cd when duck shooting is prohibited.
They evidently keep an almanac and
consult it. If their meat be as tough
las the statement they should never be
shot at any season. Nea0arE Journal