The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1888-06-09
MR.. puNpeR,s TROUBLES.
ne Goes to tho Police station and Tells
Woefu1 Tale.

Woeful Tale.
30, it's you, ehp' queried Sergeant
Bendell yesterday as he looked up from
his work at the desk and saw Mr.. Dun
dor before him.
II believe she vhas me, Sergeant,
und like to have somc remarks init
YOU"
'Some fresh trouble, Isuppose."
"Vhell, / haf some experiences, per-
haps. Last winter, When l haf pones
ache, der doctor says vhas to get
some medical flannel"
"Medicated. you mean"
'Mebbe she vhas. Vhas tall rightp"
Certainly. Medicated flannel is sup
posed to be u good thing"
"Vhell, dis week man comes in my
place und likes to sell me some medi-
Gated fy-screens."
"Whatp"
'Vhas she all rightp"
"Who ever heard of such thingr'
"Vholl, dot vhas it. If you medicate
some fannels Why doan' you medicate
some fy-screensp He says it vhas to
be an awful bad year for shills und
fever, und If l have some medicated fly
screens nothing can come in. AS soon
rs dose shills und fevers strike dot
screen it vhas all oop nit her."
"And you bought somep"
Il buys ten.''
"Mr. Dunder, you don know enough
to pound sandr'
81 doan'! Show me some sand und
1 pound his head off! Do you belief
like to be seelkP"
"Well, go on-what elsep'
II haf II fire-escape put ON my saloon.
Mebbe you find some fault nit dot"
"On your saloon! At what pointP"
"On der back door, He vhas made
of wire, und holds half bushel.'
ION the back door! holds half n
bushel! ExplainW
Ican explain in two seconds. l haf
a man put oop q fire-escape SO dot 1
shall escape fire dot burns me oudt. :"
"How will you escapeP"
"Doan' tell you dot haf no fire if
he vhas oop dere. He doan' let fire
preak oudt---he makes me escape a
| fire."
"And you paid for it9"
II pay four dollar. ofcoursc. Peoples
doan' work for nothing"
'Well, l declared! It's wonder some
one don't offer to buy you for q cucum-
ber!'
''Dere you vhas again. Eafrybody
yells for tire.escape, und shust as soon
rs get one you make fun of me!
Mebbe you like my place to burn oop,
und vbas ruinedp"
"Well, we'll! But go on. Two
swindlers q week IRE nothing for you.
What else?"
"Vhas Sheneral Shackson dead?"
''Was he! Well, should remark
General Jackson has been as dead as a
door-nail these fifty years past"
"Has hep Dot does me good. Dot
wash one time wash all right, und
doan get shwindled."
"What do you meanp''
"Vhell, nice man comes in my place
two days ago. Wash Carl Dunderl
wash. All right. Say, Mr.. Dunder
wash on to scheme dot make III
rich. like you to work her among
der Shermans und l take der Yankees
1t vhas called Sheneral Shackson's Dis
covery, but he died before he do much
aboudt him. 1t vhas how to get del
sand out of sand stone."
''Great Scots!'
ellen vhas he great Scots! Dom
you like to get the sand oudt if he vha:
in dereP"
"What for; can't you get sand almos
anywherep Isn't it as cheap as dirt?'
81 doan' think of dot. Vhell, pl
golly!"
"And you bought the secret?"
"Vhell, We go into partnership, yor
see. I give him twenty-five dollars
und he goes py Chicago to get som,
machinery. He vhas to do all tel
work, und vhas to sell der sand unt
be the treasurer"
"Well. you'll never treasurer any OF
that twenty-five dollars. It's a wonder
he didn't strike you for fifty
HE did,"
land why didn't ne get n!'
II Idoan' happen to haf him. See how
sharp vhas! safe twenty-five dolla
in one lump. I like to see you do pct
ter"
you'd better hire small boy t,
stay in your place and keep sharper
off. You don't know grass"
II doan'! You pring me some straw
und ! will show you'll Sergeant!''
"Wellp"
"Look at my eye! safe twenty -fiv
dollar und you call me u fool! Nov
look oudt! Keep your ear py dot tele
phone. I vhas going home. Poot
soon some feller comes along unt
wants to know if dot vhas Gratiot ave
nue.. He vhas shwlndler. l TAX
him by ter neck und preak him in tw
fife times. und if dot telephone rings
vhas me und like dot corpse carrie,
avhay. Good day, sirr'-DetroH Ere
Press.
Wonderful Printing Machine.