davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-01-22
A WATERS TRTALa


They were from the country and had probably never
eaten in a restaurant in their lives
Walter-Have you ordered ladies .
First Lady-wen, no. don't know what want
10 second sS% Lady-Let me seei
First Lady (readng)-vegetable soup Is that made
out of vegetables
Fist Lady contnnss roast beef
s roast p g To e sS nero
second Lady-Yes, like 1t very we'll (perusing bn
Of fareI Well If they amt got baked beans get
First LADY, do too. How much Is Ice cream!
waterFfteen cents WIN you have &c zee b. cream ain
with brown iS not stoess-I bet that's good" peas
string beansdO, Ike string beans, don't you sally
Second lady-Yes, do but there's silced TOMATOES
and new stewed potatoes.
First lady-How much is porterhouse steakl
First ladyNoh, my Amt that awful ] couldn't
afford to eat In a restaurant very often Could you
Second lady-My, no-readng)" cracked wheat Will
milk. oatmeai"-o. I don't know what | want:
WHAT'S nlrs' tbaf ANYTHING s like aseven up'a
Tast Iady@Sns aFS butter butter caies
second t iady~what are you going to eat sister, ur
Turning to waltcr.l Have you got coffee?
Waiter-Yes. VIII you have some coffee so.
First LADY, don't know. DO you want coffee
Second lady-No, guess I'll drink water
Waiter 0lred walting)-what are you going to order
First lady-o, I don't know Let me look over the
bill again.
First iady-what's frcssseed chickeni
Walter explains. ,,o ,.or
got any fried potatoes ~, ~ .o,
waiter explains that potatoes go with all meal
orders
First iady-what's oxtall soup1
Tirsf lady~Wen don't want that. What kind
OF W We naNT names y0e seventeen kinds
First iady-Just listen. Sally. Did you everl TEL
me what they again, mister; there's so many Two
Water sighs shifts his weight Oh to the other leg
and e1es over the list again.
Fist ladv-We ] don't believe want any PIE. g,
Va'ter-If you'll excuse me moment IL come oacA
directly when you have your order made out
"Ccrtanly." On concer)
Then the two ladies fall TO discussing restaurants In
concral crtlcisng everybody IN range Of their optics
i'm their superficial way, and finally drift into dls
cussion OF their shop purchases
Waiter-IIave you made out your order, ladies?
roth Of them laugh Historically, and lady number
one remarks that they had forgotten all about IT, She
In utter silence. Finally she asks;
mont Won have regular dlnnerf -,
Waiter-You can order a regular dinner what do
First iady-wen, hardly know what want What
do Won want, Sally III, ,. ma
First lady 1hesitatingly)-I guess you can prine me
some-rolls Yes and glass of water. NOW whs'
Second iady-T'ii take the same.
hurricane OF disgust breaks over me waller
classic brow, and he moves of to fill the order.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-01-22

ways treats serious subjects seriously and now
as much as ever. BY seriously don't mean heart
fly, but with knowledge and sense Of respon-
sibility, as Cabinet Minister in Parliament ham
dies q topic Of vital import. Compare it with its
London contemporaries and the difference is strik-
ing" The Daily News is hippant. " The Chron-
icle" is neither well written nor weighty. In
|" The Daily Telegraph fervency of rhetoric
and what rhetoric docs duty for fervency of con-
victon. The Standard alone approaches the
level of The Times" its best articles are often
equal to the best anywhere. The effort Of the
leading journal toward impartalty Is perhaps less
than it was; or less successful. Since Home Rule
came to the front, this burning question has been
dscussed-not always but too often-in a tone OF
rancor which the rancor on the other side does not
excuse These articles are mostly from the pen Of
a single writer whom 1t would do no good to name.
In the long run, this tone will diminish the in
fiuence of any paper in England which adopts it.
Passion runs so high at this moment that the
people not always conscious of the asperity
Of their speech But sobernesS of mind is ma
tlona Characteristic and it will presently return
and the tone of the press will once more be sober
c.. w. 8.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-01-22
STORIES ABOUT PEOPLE.
NOT BIGGER THAN SOLOMON YET.
From The Hartford Times


Congressman John Wise, Of Virginia, tells good
story on John T.. Lamb. oil Indiana for whom he
spoke during the last contest In the Eighth district
In that state.
In that district Lamb beaten only $50 In
total vote OF 10000 al the previous election,
ard beate again this time by rather close vote.
Wise did not know how popular Lamb was at homo.
He the going 10 Terre Haute, when short
Roman-nosed German turned about and said buntly:
BE you drummer7,
"No," replied Wise.
Re you a travellerp
"No."
$50 7" rejoned the German. "Zen. vot be you 7,
al am here" answered Mr.. Wise. In this district.
to make speeches I'm favor OF the Republican candidate"
"You don't tell me you're going down ~ Terro
Hafe 10 make speech against Shohn Lamb ~
"Yes," said Wise, I am.'"'
"Mne frendt yor make Won mstcke SbObn
Lamb is Won Of der Greatest men in this country"
"what," replied wise, with smile, SIS he greater
than General Grants"
Yes, mine friendt he Is Greater four sheneral
Grants"
Not crater than Garied7"
3GarGeld vosh not a circumstance 10 Shohn Lamb
Why, mine friesdt, Shohn Lamb IS der Greatest man
ash over livedw
"No." said WISE "you don't mean to say that no
is a greater man than Solomon ?"
All mine friendt,' rej0Ined the German with en-
thuslasm al toni say that Shohn Lamb Is now
niger man than Solomon"-and here he leaned over
toward Wise and shook his finger solemnIy I'm HIS
face" but, mine hiondt, Shohn Lamb yos young
yet"
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-01-22
JUDGE KELLgY's POINT on Mr. BECK


In the heat Of the Reconstruction debate over the
account of the venerable yet still b0yish Philadelphia
Congress Judge Kelley entered the House and saw
a tall gaunt man occupying the floor and reading from
a paper containing tho names Of the signers OF that
document He was Keeling them of one by one In the
broadest Scotch through which there blurred the WORDS
Carr r. pet -bakgerrn and Scalawag" The speaker
was a new man, and the Pennsylvania, ASKING some
ono for his name learned that IL was Mr Beck, 81
Kentuckyp Two or three hours later, the Judge hld
occasion IN 90 70 the office OF the Public Printer Whete
no found Mr. Beck alone waiting for the coming OF
that functionary The two Congressman stood Tor a
moment side by side when the elder Observed " VI:
Reck Of Kentucky, l believer" Mr. Beck returned
tho salutation, Mr.. Kelley, OF Pennsylvania, be-
eln aud this formality having been Completed
tho following dialogue enSued:
Kelley-You are, presume, native OF hentuchy'
Mr.. Beckf .,.,.
YOU might observe from my accent that am OF scot
fish birth -, . :.
KelIey-Ah, pardon but you must have come TO
Kentucky very early In life ,..
Beck~No didn't first came 10 New-fork when
there | went to kentucky when 1 was twenty or
twenty-One , ,o,-or,
Kelley Throwing up his hands and moving toward
the doorl-Carpet Dagger, Dy - ,, A..
Judge Kelley relates that, before he reachea tho
door, he felt a heavy hand upon his shoulder ono
Kelley,n said big strong voice, thats 700 goo" !"
part on let's go and take something and during III
stormy wears that followed. these two eInlnen. uo
agreeing politi" lily in Eo'hng and serving ol.o" NJ
the same committees, remained, and remain W III"
day, the closest personal friends
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-01-22
A CASE IN POINT.
Erom IN. On fcnno Tr,bnne.

was in quite serious wreck on the Northwestern
Road In Dakota the other day. and witnessed little
No one killed, but man was caught between
two cars which were partially telescoped, and, It
passengers worked herOIcally to rescue him. 1t was
bitter cold The man was caught In such way that
enough to speak 1t seemed as If any number of his
bones must be broken, and 1t proved that several
and carried a little to one side and laid snow
bank just as the cars took hre ana began to burn
Is he dead IN whispered half dozen earnestly.
Yes said some one
"NOo said the conductor
Hold his head higher,' said one.
His pulse beats" said the conductor, who bnelt
beside him. :" Yes, and he breathes."
Bring an OvercOat' said another
The man opened his eyes and stared around.
IF he isn't hurt internally he'll live through it,
can he speak1 Are you in paint What shall
we do for you ?" asked the conductor.
Tho overcOat was brought, but the man waved IL
away with feeble motion OF his hand, then his lips
~ don't for IT, he said, with an effort
The conductor lifted him into sitting posture.
AS he did the man with difficulty reached In his
DOC kc aud drew out an oblOng, squarecornered pack
"s Don't worry about me- he said slowly as he undd
the package; don't give yourselves any uneasness on
nv account, but Just give me your attention moment,
as am very glad the accident happened, giving me, as
n does unparalleled opportunity to show this book,
which am taking orders for entitled, What to Do In
Case Of Accident or Ten Thousand Hints for Helping
of lifetime OF study and experience by the late en-
Inent DR.. II. sniff smellumbeath, NJ D., D. d., LII.
ID. c. o. D.-a book which contains over 10000
recipes directions and items Of general information
on what TO do In cases OF sudden accident like for
Instance a railroad wreck such have exemplifed
right here before us In those seethng flames which
are licking up coach after coach, runaway, fatal
attack OF burglars or sickness, a sudden and unex-
uected fall icy pavement, children getting
thmbles, buttons, marbles, hve-cent pieces, silver
spoons, teething rings, jack knives, or other objects
stuck in their threats poisoning, suicide. murder,
mule-hck, drowning falling from balloons, heart
disease. hts being licked, sunstroke, mad dog, light.
ming quick consumption, being an Anarchist, stepped
on by an elephant, choking, toy pistol, blowing out
the gas or the thousands of accidents to WEIGH flesh
Is constantly falling helr-here you find directions what
to do in every case 10 save aud prolong life, and
pr.sent a. | think there none Of you but can see
The untold value Of this book we have II illustrated
right here In this accident before Any one having
lad COPY Of This valuable book would have instantly
known what 10 do 10 save my life, whereas II was
only BY miracle that did not die, which ought alone
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-01-22

fran the ceiling Of the Academy into the net
1t Is starting feat yet 1t Is done with so mncn ease
and certainty though the spectator Is frightened tue
first time he sees IT, he apt extremely DESTROYS To
witness n repettion Miss Lizzie stands bar almost
seventy five feet the net and drops her handke
chief which as it slowly utters down gives an idea OF
lie distance Then with her hands placed palm TO PAIN
above her head she shoots out into space as II dVhg
into water Till within few feet OF the net she MAIN
tans the same position, then makes half'turn ana
lands fat her back The rebound Of the net throws
her again the and she alights gracefully on her
feet eporter saw the sisters the stage Just after
the act had been concluded He astonshed to ma
how deceptive regards height their stage dress Is
They when performing to be at least avergoy Ii
women but arc really very short being but trinc over
five feet
@Wil Won tell me what your feelings as you come
through the air 4" said the reporter addressing the
younger.
"Oh," she replied with merry laugh, " don't think
they are in any way peculiar The sensations are by no
means dsagreeabe; the contrary, think they arc
rather enjoyable but my attention is taken up by watch
ing have 10 keep my on that In order 10
when to make my turn. That Is done by turning
the hands under me and bending my head forward A
great many people have done jumps and drops but II
you notice. make clean dive forward and land good
many feet in front of the starting point"
Is not the blow to back pretty severe shock
scarcely feel it. have a very nice soft carpet that
on and the give OF the net entirely counteracts
the force There the sound Of tremendous tbud but
1t Is all sound. hare made the dive into net stretched
as tight as a drum, and then the rebound threw me
nearly twenty feet up, but at the Academy the net Is
quite slack This makes 1t easier, except when want
to stand or walk In IT, The height from which dye
makes no difference TO me, provided 1t Is sufficient 70
give room to turn round in"
Are you ever nervous about taking the dive II you
don't feel well ."
No; when am not feeling well am naturally dis.
inclined to do any work. but 1t takes the form OF
fear If once lost our nerve we should
have to give up"
The elder Miss Vadi Is a wonderful example OF what
athletic exercise will do for weak child. When very
young her hips weak that her legs used to give
way when she walked. IL with view OF trying to
strengthen her that her father bought horizontal bar
and to give her lessons IL would be dangerous
mistake for any to treat her as weak now some
few people may remember that more than fifteen years
aga the Krarys brought here two children then called
the Persian Twins" who performed on the trapeze
They are the Vadi sisters of to
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-01-22
A MINISTER'S TACT.
Frbm John Murker OF BGnr"

A female member came to the manse Win iohs
and hitter complaint against another member OF ing
same sex She was under strong excitement, anu
was bent upon using her rights to bring p lno
70 hear upon the offending member. Mr' MurRr
perceived at once that II orly woman quaicL
With little legitimate guile he succeeded IN 1t,hs,
ING her 10 a more calm and sober frame oil mlnu' anu
egaded the necessity OF officially dealing win mo
case without giving offence to the complainant nc hs
She went on with great volubity and 1orcc no
onIotIv took the notes. She came back a secohu
fine 70 renew the attack A third time did she APP
iyas detsrmIned 70 make At last when she was done,
he applied a mental douche that was enectuM an IN
cooling her nerves and bringing her 10 her NH.
Tie said Yon will observe that was writihs WINS
Won were speaking Now listen to me while re"a
what has fallen from your lips" .,,o.
She was taken aback, and he went on reaulp
what she had uttered in her haste she was asn a
her better nature came to the 'front.' ana tle n,sn
Inc touch was given when he handed her thc ~
that She might subscribe her name to what was on '
nauer. "I thinks she gasped out III VIII
better to-drop the matter"
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-01-22
COMPROMISING TIE CLAIM

From the Boston iFdS''"'
. man c,,ro m the CITY Hall one day with claim
for $1,000 in compensation for personal aee@eS 10 he
ceive in a fall down a coahole. lie seen ~ Tain,
nnder tho tmpression that he had to place ms ann
at a very moderate figure indeed as a. o nrevang
cesson 10 the economical practice taen Ple' naaf
But of course he could not think OF eak atom
less than $1,000 lie was sent wlthout M ~ h
20 Tho Wavor fOis NorcrOss) who took care of sum
pnnicants. Tho Mayor questioned hun sh%lr
Tbe talk 70 boil il down to small compass, ran so'e
what actual body injury did you receive Mr
Smith N -,
well II hurt me pretty bad"
"Any bones broken? ~
an no, no bones broken"
ANY spralnsq Any severe contusOnsP
"Well not exactly that, but"
"What harm did II really do on
swell, It tore my trousers awfullyP
Lore your trousers ch II comes down 10 than
then9 Now, don't you think, Mr. Smith, that new
pair of trousers would about compensate you for the
Well, / don't know but it would, Mr. Mayor
come right down TO II. 80
So the City of Boston presented Mr.. Smith with
new pair Of trousers To replace the ones he had
torn, and Mr.. Smith waived his claim for $1,000
damages.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-01-22
.C,p7JvA71yG YOUNG DIPLOMAT

From The Springfield Repsoticdhs b"N'"ts''"
Perhaps the cleverest young foreigner here Is higf
ander Greger secretary of tho Russian leeda,y ~
had travelled In this country before eh'eiins p
Diplomatic service had learned English ara hAn %
tained some knowledge OF the United states =, no ~
well educate ed and well Informed and Is qulck ana
by all Odds the clever young man OF the GotPs. aS
Gregrr is not of noble birth, but has lnhenel "oa
from his father who successful AosSl"', ~,
tractor who died within two years. Inc 800 o,or,
dplomat IS generous with his money, iona 9i ~ =
tanning, and. as he l. able and WlillnS, ne uV-S
most Of the bachelor entertaining In the iOrelsn i.
No Young foreigner is diplomatic az preseI ~
saws the right thing at the right moment III ,n,
the born diplomas cannot approach MN ~ t ni
be said In behalf OF the young woInen tbat tGe e,
Of the other young foreigners pale before MI
cisyerness and wealth. No young man coulu ve
more devoted, but his attentions or nil'anlOn' or
so general that they never take serious tul nats
thercfore they mslead nobody. He has more lnIae'
poiteness than his ed colleagues also more 81 %
He never amuses himself by his deVotohs 10 Pteiy
young married women, who are so often na''ei.u os
the Attentions OF diplomats In Washington !, ns
been said that Mr. Greger would marry the oausue,
Of a foreign minister here. 1t would seem 70 DC
suitable thing for him to do. The young Wona" ~ ~
attractive and accomplished. she Will nave ,, ~
fortune hut as he has that she need have none hi'
admIration for her has been an of and on deNouon.
oul,e puzzlinc to his friends as well as 10 heIs ~
IL certain there would be objeclon on inc lar. Va
her family and for the young RUSSIAN lac !" f
free to dispose Of his hand as he WISHES
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-01-22
VARIABLE TINE-PIECE
From The Buffalo Express.

There IS living on the West Side who has no
more idea Of time after six O'clock In tho evening than
a castaway the ocean who has lost all eckoning.
She has been In the habit OF sitting up nights until
a light In a window oppOstsher own was extlngushed
night last week some one happened to bo sick In
night The watcher having some sewing TO do, placed
tho sewing machine In front OF her window ana hadn
tho slightest idea that t morning until sho heafu
the rumbng of the milk wagons on the street W nat
The opinion any pedestrian who happened 10 see
a woman sewing at front window at two or three
o'eock ia the morning can we'll be imagined
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-01-22
A pRoFyyABLE INSURANCE POLICY.

A Hartford paper says: "1he heirs Of the late
Frank Johnson, pre- sident OF the Norwich National
Bank, have received payment OF matured policy
amounting TO $4,000 The policy taken ont in 1913
was for $1,000 Increased by dividends to Sl4 900,
and is the most remarkable policy In this regard
ever taken out In Connecticut
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-01-22

! Don't stop one minute or one hour TO rest
or rolieve the strain on your brain. You might
miss making dollar or two. You might have
time to think what good your million would do
youwhen yougotit and what roy al squabbley your
nervous, dissipated aud half crazy children Will
have over ourcranky will each endeavoring to get
the biggest share OF the spoils You can't blame
them they inherited their weaknesses and lido
syncrasies from you. But you don't stopto think
that you cant make real first rate whistle out OF
pigs tail or q silk purse OF asow's ear.
And suppose that you do live through II all
Chat your parents left you stronger brain and
constitution than you will leave your children and
that YOU don't commit suicide, become insane or
die suddenly what then Poor miserable. ner-
vous, paralytic or palsied bundle OF twanging
nerves ever playing discords, what enjoyment
will YOUR long coveted million do you Not q
particle and II you live long enough you may
your mistake and wish you had your life TO live
No reader. don't mean your friend Smith or
Tones or Underwood no, nor your neghbor nor
the president OF your bank, but you, You, YOU.
what shall you do The Almighty has been
poking the remedy lin Its crude SHAPED under your
nose for the last 40 years.
SCOTCH OATS ESSENCE and Rest
Slow up little, get in little Phosphorus In tina
shape OF Oats Phosphoids calm your brain and
soothe your nerves with Avenescd aud then when
you are we'll and strong thank the Lord that some
one had brains enough 70 show you how. SEQ
Perbum SAY.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-01-22
YORK DAILY TRIBUNE SUNDAY JANUARY sIxTEEN PAGES

TO illustrate the great work. and hope
mt the whole crowd turned and silently fled down
the track toward the nearest station The Instance
cited failed To convince rs OF the VaIue VI tne ooo
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-01-22

The wonderful trapezo performances OF the Vadl
sisters we're one the nest successful features Of the
first performance OF "Mazun," but since then the
Younger Lzze has introduced the feat Of diving head
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-01-22

"If he has played 10 800 and received 20 per cent,
or $3.50 he has SiS for himself and wife, But 300 ia
poor return. and he may play TO live, six seven
hundred dollars IN weeks There Is living In II
sometimes but fortune, and some OF the managers
nave even found necessary to give prizes In order 10
GET people into the house Drama at 10 cents with
chance OF prize thrown In Ia getting things down pretty
cbeap Under these circumstances you can hardly call
play-going a luxury for the rich only, can you II"
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-01-19

CAT office does best job work
Canned goods at Standard bakery.
Old newspapers for sale at this office
job work at CAT office on short notice.
Subscribe for the CAT, it has most
news
Get your job work done at the CAT
office
Cigars and confectionery at Standard
bakery.
Yousse's stage line goes to Oberlin
every day.
Full line of confectionery at the Stan
dard bakery.
Russell Mills Celebrated Flour at the
Pioneer Store
just received two car loads celebrated
Russell Mills flour at NJ. Donelan's.
Try sack of so per cent Flour. For
sale at VI. DOneian's Pioneer store
Perfect abstracts of title at Nc
GOnigal and Sons.
Colby and Oberlin stage line is the best
CONVEYANCE to Oberlin.
NJ. Donelan delivers goods to any part
Of the CITY without extra cost
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1888-01-19
y ought TO have before the end OF

DR.. c. E. Corporan visited in Eustis
this week
Patent Medicines of all kinds at Colby
Drug Store
Coal, Coal Coal, at J E. Meglem-
RE- on 9th street.
Charley Dedrick has assumed the dew
ilship Of the CAT Office
Friday night and Saturday were the
coolest times of this season so far.
DR.. c. II. Martin will continue the real
estate business of Martin Bros. & Co.
The tidal wave of prosperity-Colby' 5
advancement and development in 1888.
Mr.. W. J.. Brcese, of this place started
west with the Rock Island surveyors this
week
Sam Donaldson. proprietor of hard
ware store at Hastings, was in the city
Wednesday.
J. +. Lesh. a prominent farmer living
near Oakley, was in Colby on business
on Saturday last.
Mr.. Geo. NJ Ward, of Ward & Sons
dairy, started east this week on visit to
friends and relatives
An ordinance granting the right of way
over First street to the Salina. Lincoln &
Western Railway. passed the city coun-
ell on Saturday last.
Anyone having claims against Morgan
township will please present them to the
clerk or treasurer by Jan. Both, 1850.
II. Stratton, Trustee.
Why would not Colby be a good point
in which to hold the next congressional
convention of this district? Vi e are cen
trally located and have fine hotel facil-