davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-11-21
What's the Matter With
FL A MEL SHIRTS?

Representative William Henry Hatch of Han
over the lower house, Friday, wearing flannel shirt
with vest to hide it. History fails to record like
incident since the nations BIRTH"
If flannel shirts are the proper caper in the
speakers desk of Legislature, what's the matter
with wearing them the farm, in the shops, or
the road The famous shirt makers, the Gold and
Silver People, have made a very desirable line of
flannel shrts-made them expressly to meet the
wants of the natives of Western Michigan. Elec-
ton is over the heat of politics has abated, and it is
time for flannel shirts. You have time to
think of such things; then think of us.
BROUGHTON'S Carpet business has been
RED HOT lately, owing to the choice styles and
the low prices in carpet stock We don't let any
one between Chicago and Detroit do us up" on
prices, style and quality.
There's something in the air of the Sunny Side
that's "agin' high prices. There's profit in
pets figures, but it's FUN for the BUYERS,
and "fun?" for our competitors
1t pays to advertise, that is, to TRUTH
FULLY advertise. few weeks ago merely
mentioned our Csc DRESS FLANNELS, the
result was they fairly melted from counters.
Perhaps that word melted is little too fgurative,
but let it go as the hannes went. The 'nub of this
flannel story that have got another lot of 25-cent
hannes; this time twice the usual quantity, the quality
is little better, the colors desirable price %
cents, same before.
Broughton's grocery corner Tin the words of last
weeks Courier will remain popular feature of our
business" You'll find it good place to buy "things
to eat"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-11-21

Uw here we
lis hall be
Upl sed toI
Inn e ct our
IIcrist
TO show
lit IN e IN our
H stock of
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-11-21
to Suit

Call and see us and we will convince
you that it will be for your interest to
patroniZe us. No trouble to show goods
FRED. BILSBORROW.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04
A Cure for Dead.

Superintendent Morton, of the Union
Railway Company, tells the following
story when first took charge of the
road the drivers complained to me of a
certain lady who rode down and back
again every day without paying fare.
She would get aboard the car and hand
the driver a $20-bill to change. OF
course he could not change it, and
could not ask the lady to get off, so she
rode free every trip. / decided that
she was deliberately beating the COM
pany and determined to get even with
her. One morning 1 gave one of the
drivers on the line which passed the
lady's house $40 in nickels, and in
structed him to change the lady's bill.
She fell into the trap, and about 10
o'clock boarded the right car on her
way down town. She handed the driver
the $20-bill and he promptly returned
her 400 nickels. She put her fare in
the box, but she was so angry she left
the car and did not ride again for
month. After that she always had
change when she boarded car. 1t
would surprise you" continued Mr..
Morton, Ito know how many people,
especially ladies, beat the company out
of their fare in this way. They tender
so or $40 bill, knowing very well
that the driver cannot change it, and
in that way secure free ride Dir
m ina ham (Ald.) 4qe.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04

built like this here one, with room at
each eend, an wide, open passage
way betwixt 'em. Hiram and Calline
slep' in the one where they cooked an
eat, an slep' in tother'n. Twas q
powerful warm night, an Calline sSid
l better leave my door open. But 1
was too skeery fur that, SO 1 shet an
bolted the door an went to bed. L
hadn't got quite to sleep, but was jest
a-droppin' off, when l heerd something
that made me trim'le all over. and the
cole chills run up an down my back"
"Oh," said Matildy Ann, I'm SO
skeered!"
"You amt nigh SO skeered as 1 was,
says Sister Saphelia, SUR what L
heared was somebuddy a-breathin',
right under my bed"
We all struck right out, at that, an
Matildy Ann scrouged up so close to
me / come pretty near jabbin' her agin.
Il wonder you didn't holler," says
Sister Sawtell.
II dassent," says Sister Saphelia.
81 was afeared he'd Jump right out an
cut of my head. So L jest laid an
trim'led an didn't dass to move; an L
could hear him a-breathin' louder an
louder. / knowed Hiram had fifteen
dollars lockedIup in the bury drawer, n
of course thought right off that W as
what he was after. '.uebbe If he gifts
it, thinkses /, hell be off an not kill
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04
chose synonymous at the last meetin

chose synonymous at the last meetin
TO do the talkin' to-day"
Sister Deacon Buzbee sot down, an
we all put on our tn mbles an begun
to sew; an Sister Saphelia got up an
sot down in the Boston rocker.
She is one o. these here tall, bean
poly kind of wimen, and allus wears a
hoop in the bottom of her under-skeert.
makes her dress stick out at the
bottom, an looks kind O. quare, bein'
it's fiat all the rest of the way up; but
it seems to kind o. match with her
nose, that's long and straight and pints
up'ards at the eend. But she's real
pious woman, an good-hearted, too.
She sot down in the Boston rocker, an
TUX out her knittin', fur she said she
could talk better if her hands was busy
as we'll as her tongue. An then she
says, "A-ham! Did any of the sisters
ever hev any experience with Bur-
gle-er?"
We all shruck, an says, LA,
moi" and Sister Sawtells biggest gal,
Matildy Ann, scrouged so close up to
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04

higher than five mics; so L didn't won
der she was lonesome. But they had a
good dog Jack was his name-an
Calline said she want noways afeared
to stay alone all day, though | would
of been, with Hiram out O. sight an
hearin'; an tramps comm round once
an while to git bite to eat.
"But Calline hadn't speck of cow
ardness about her. She wasn't like
me. l was allus afeared o my own
shadder, most, and wouldn't of stayed
alone all day in that house fur pretty.
But bein' we was both together l didn't
feel so skeery; an after dinner L an
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04

me- But I want sure about it, Bur-
gle-ers air pesky mean, sometimes; an
pritty soon heared him a-movin' under
the bed, an felt like l would die. He
moved round, an KEEP a-movin,' sort of
easy-like, an thinkses i, Now he's
a-goin' to tackle me- An my heart
most stopped a-beating, l was that
skeered; an even then couldn't help
a-thinkin' ii I'd only of left my door
open, as Sister Calline had told me,
how much better 'twould be, fur 1
might give a Jump, an git clare out
'afore the burgle-er could have said
beans. But there | was, shet up with
him, an the door bolted."
"But do tell us how you got away"
says Matildy Ann. eur you must of
got away somehow, or you wouldn't be
here, a-tellin' it.
I'm a-comin' to the pint" Sister
Saphelia says.
"All to once, he quit movin' around,
an made a SHORTY, snutfly kind of
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04

me cum nigh jabbin' her in the eye
with my needle.
"Oh, I'm so feared o. the burgle-ers,"
she says. Z" tell us all about him,
Sister Saphelia."
An so she clared her throat. and
picked up stitch she had drapped in
the toe of the sock she was knittn', an
then she says: ""Twas good many
year ago, an Sister Calline-she's the
oldest of us gals-she had married
Hiram Slinker, an had went over to
Sassafras Holler, where they begun to
housekeep in o bran-new cabin Hiram
had built on the forty acres his paw
give him. Calline had right smart of
a settin'-out, too. She had a cook
stove. and COW with heifer calf, an
two feather beds an bedstids, an hal z
a dozen dominicker hens. An she had
plenty of blankets. an patchwork
quilts, an two blue kiverlids she hand
wove an made herself. So they was
Fl ed real snug. But she felt ind O.
lonesome, off there by herself, with no.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04
Pugilism.

There appears to be just now re-
vival of pugilism, or what has been
humorously styled the "pummelogical"
profession, which may, perhaps. be
called the most fruitful of all profess
sions.
Slugger Sullivan, the idol of Boston,
and who. in one sense of the word, Is
"the greatest Roman of the maui" has
gone to England, where he is creating
an immense sensation among the aris-
tocracy. The object of his visit to
England is to knock out O man by the
name of Smith. but great many peo-
pie in this country would be highly
gratified if all the Smiths in England
would rise as one man and knock out
Sullivan so effectually that he would
never come back.
We are, nevertheless, compelled to
recognize the fact that great many
people who deRounce the press for
publishing the details of prize fights,
usually carry a copy of the obnoxious
journal in their coat-tail pockets, for
some unknown purpose. 1t is also a
singular fact that they are always
ready to bet on one or the other of the
puRlilsts.
TO an unpreiudiced outsider, it
would seem that although sluggers lose
ground in contest, for lack of wind,
none of them lack wind before the
match comes off. In the reports of the
fight, we frequently read that one of
the combatants knocked the wind"
out of the other. If this feat is really
accomplished, it is certainly one of the
greatest honor to the profession, par
ticularly if we take into consideration
what a tremendous amount of wind the
pugilists develop for months before the
fight.
While we cannot too strongly depre-
cate brutal sluggers pounding each
other to pulp, and fully realize what
disgrace it is to civilization and the
nineteenth century, still, If there is to
be an international contest between
Sullivan and Smith, the English cham
pion, we do hope and pray, now that
we come to think of it, that our man
will do up the Englishman in fine
atyle. -Te.ras Siftings.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04

fur the Preachers wife has been grum-
blin' right smart of late to the
Deacon, because they don't get
enough sullery to keep 'em in vittles
and close.
"NIost they do get is donations, an
the things donated is not accordin' to
their needs. Fur instants, she says
they could have got along a spell yet
without chany sheperdess to set on
the parlor mantel. An they want
acshilly sufferin' fur pair O. bleached
domesti piller-shams, with lace Dor
ders onto 'em. But, though she said.
she could use the piller-shams to make
little Tommy petticoat, and the lace
would do to go round Amelia Alices
Sunday apurn.
AN when folks did donate vittles,
she said mess of dried beans or po-
tatoes would be more exceptible than
eighteen apple-pies an dish-pan full
of filters. She hadn't nothin' to say
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04
Dry ElIpOr.

William l.. Marcy, Secretary of State
during the administration of President
Pierce, had dry humor in which he
often INDUCED, though no seldom
laughed. A lawyer of Richmond, Va,
Mr.. II. G.. Scott, applied for the con-
sulship at Rio de Janeiro. The place
alton was delayed so long that Mr..
Scott, becoming impatient, visited
Washington TO see what caused his APP
pointment to "hang fire." Calling on
MIR. Marcy, he frankly said that he was
embarrassed by the uncertainty and
tired of the delay, and wished to be
piainly told what he might expect.
"Mr. S oft, said the Secretary, in
dry. hard tone, "for every Dough of the
top of the tree of appointment-fo the
mission plenipotentiary, for example
there are about one hundred applicants;
for the middle boughs, the secretaries
of legation, there are about three hun
dred applicants, and for the lower
limbs of the consulship there are about
one thousand applicants.
Those holding on to the upper
boughs expect, if they fail, to catch
upon the boughs of the secretaries, and
those disappointed in obtaining them
hope to catch on the limbs of consul
ships.
"For the place OF plenipotentary bat
one of the hundred can be appointed,
and the ninety and nine falling upon
the ext boughs increase the number of
applicants 10 80. For the latter, but
one can be appointed, and thus 3yS fall
upon the consulships, increasing the
number o. applicants to l,%9s. You
can. therefore, calculate your chances
for the consulship at rio.
Then, sir, answered the astonshed
and dismayed Scott. Il may as we'll go
home to my clients, and quit the bust
ness of oaice-begging!" and he rose to
his feet.
"But. Mr.. Scott" resumed Mr.. Mar
CIV, motoning to him to resume his seat,
IL have advised the President that the
failure to obtain the higher office
should not give lien on the lower
Office, thus your chance will remain as
one to q thousand only for consul
ship"
"Well, that chance is not worth watt
! ing for. and L II go home,' said Scott.
when you do. answered the Seora-
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04

it had of been one. But | got up and
turned Jack out the door. l s'pose he
had snuck under the bed fore L went
in. an had went to sleep there. But
after diskiy cred him, an turned him
out, l went to bed an slep' 80 sound L
never walked up when the chickens
crowed day. Calline and Hiram had q
good laugh when L told 'em my egs-
perience; but 'twa'nt no laughin' mat
ter to me at the time. An sence that
l allus look under bed fore git in
it,"
When she had got through, Sister
Sawtell an Matildy Ann hustled round
an got supper. Twas q right good
meal O. vittles they got up, too-cold
riz bread, an warm biscuit, an black
berry jell, an peaches an cream, an
fried chickin an aigs, an custard pie.
An when Sister Sawtell come in an
asked us all to walk out to supper, Sis
ter Deacon Buzbee says:
"This meetin' will now put away their
SEWN an eat supper"
An after supper we chose Sister
Betsey H PIPER to talk at the next
meetin', Sister Buzbee had envited US
to meet at her house next time, an 30
then we sojourned an went home. Res
pectfully yourn, L1sBY LIMBERTwIG.
Cotton Crick, Misoury.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04
What to Teach Your Boys.

Teach them to be useful.
Teach them to be truthful
Teach them to be manly.
Teach them to be pol tie in manners.
Teach them the value of time and
money.
Teach them to avoid tobacco and
strong drink.
Teach them careful and correct bust
ness habits.
Teach them by example how to do
things well.
Teach them to ride, drive, jump, run
and swim.
Teach them how to get the most for
their money.
Teach them the habit of cleanliness
and good order.
Teach them to avoid profane and in
decent language.
Teach them to be neat and genteel in
their appearance.
Teach them to be polite to one an
other, helpful to the old and weak, and
kind to animals. Leeds Mercury.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04

order, an Sister Goodall read the min
utes; but they might better have been
called hours, from the time it TUX her
TO read 'em. But she got 'em read at
last, and then Sister Deacon Buzbee
says:
Before we perceed to any futher
business, Twill egsplain the obiecks of
this here society, SEEM there is some
new members come in that amt never
been here before. We hev got two
objecks:
"a, ne of 'em is to sew and an make
up different articles, of all sorts, like
fancy apurns, lamp-mats, pin-cushings,
and SIGH, to sell, an the money to be
gave to help sport the preacher. The
money has to be got riz, somehow,
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04
The Fall Term.

"The court will now ad ourn to the
first fall term" said the solemn Judge.
Then the sad-eyed lawyer with the
wart on the left side OF his Sc, meek
arose and gently suggested that "The
first fall term OF the Appleate Court
was held i'll the gorge Gus garden of
Eden"
The Judge mildly informed the clerk
that little ten-doIlar fine was won
derfully and eminently in ORDER
A. ". De Menil, IN 81. Louis Mdga-
zine.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04

Miss Blakeley-Girls, I've Just had
proposal.
Chorus-Oh, do tell us about it. Who
is the gentleman?
Miss Gentleman?
Chorus-Didn't you say you had
proposal?
Miss B. did, proposal for mem
bership in our debating society.
The look of disappointment that
overspread the faces of the listeners
would have distanced that of heirs who.
elated while will is being read by the
munificent provision made for them,
have all their hopes dashed 10y later
codicil, which cuts them oil with shil-
ling. Boston Budget.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04
I'LL BE A BACHELOR WHEN I'M OLD.
BY EDITH h. PERRY.

Said our brght-eyed boy with hair OF gold,
I'll be bachelor when I'm DID,
And always stay with mamms and you,
As sure as sure, and true as true:"
But he fell prey to Cupid dart,
For tiny Bess stole his tiny heart.
Next day he announced with solemn air,
: He loved dear Bessie, he did, SO there
Bessie was pretty, Bessie was good
Hold marry Bessie, yes he would.
Remind ed of what he had said before,
I He Pondered moment the problem DER,
Then softly sad. in his bashful way,
Il hadn't seen Bessie yesterday"
Oh boy of mine, tits vain to plan
I'll be n bachelor when man"
Some fairy creature with golden hair.
And sweet blue eyes like your mothers there,
With ripping laugh like the song OF bird,
Or voice the sweetest we ever heard,
Makes us forget the words long spoken,
half unconscious their spell is broken,
And then, like you, we simply say.
Il hadn't seen Bessie yesterday"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04

n OILS e, somethin'
like a snore, an
then he gaped real
loud, like he had
been asleep an was
half wakin' up. An
at that L jumped
right up in bed an
bust out a-laffin'. +"
"Oh!" says we
all, fur we was real
dumbfou n d er e d
when she said that.
Eyes" she said.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04

body but Hiram,
an him out in the
field ii d u v,
tendin' to his
craps, or else in
the clearin' maui
i'm rails fur a
Sworm fence. An
so, lust chance
she got, she sent
fur me to come
an make her a
visitation. An l
went. The cabin
was III q sort of
holler, an nary
O { Ii er house
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04

tary, with twinkle of his eye, Ego and
prepare for your passage to Rio. for
your appointment is already determined
upon"
Then the Secretary's fat sides shook
with his enjoyment of SCOTS joyful
surprise.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04

tail, then L knowed
twas q dog"
w o all Ii ad to
laugh at the way
S j s ter Saphelia
Knocked a dog a-gap-
ing, but Matildy Ann
looked a leetle grain
disap'inted.
Then, 'twa'nt no
burgle-er after ALL"
she says.
.No," says Sister
,Saphelia, "but L was
Jest as skeered as if
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04

Before 10: Judge b. with empha-
sis)-"t lara, is that George fellow COM
ing round here again to-night?"
"Clara (hopelessly)-"I believe so,
papa"
Judge B.-"Well, daughter, remem-
Der this: This house closes at 10 sharp,
and"
Clara (hastily)--"Oh, George will
be here before that, papa; please don't
worry" Hdrpl,'S Bdzdr.
Coal dealers have not only soft
snap but hard snap. Hard and soft
are equally scarce.-Ne,c HaUen Netos.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04

II busted right out a-laffin', fur 1
knowed that cape want made
by man, but a dog. His breath
in had sounded exactly like a
human critter; but when he gaped
real long an loud, like this-'Ah-ow-
wooh an bet on the floor with his
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04

agin the pies an the filters, they was
good eatin fur once N while; but fur
q real stiddy diet she didn't think they
was so healthy as some other things,
an, besides, they was apt to colick the
Children.
An so, as / was a-sayin', one of the
oblecks of this meetn' is to sew thin gs
an sell 'em, an raise some money fur
the Preachers family. It's got to be
riZ somehow, the Deacon states, fur it
grown-uppers an nine children can't
live altogether on chany shepherdesses
an piller-shams an filters, an SIGH.
AN the other objeck is to prevent
the spreadin' of Scandal. Nobuddy
belong n to this society is all to
tell a scan'alous story, to the deter
ment of their neighbors or nobuddy
else.
IF that their stuck-up Miss LAWYER
Greene chooses to air her bed-cloze on
the front porch every day of her life.
Jest to show 'em, an let folks see how
many patchworks an tied comforts she's
got, faint none of our business. We
amt got to tell it.
AN if DR. Politics. wife has cake onto
her table twice a day, an gives her
husban' fried pies fur break fast. an
makes her hired gal set down to the
second table, like she was a-tellin' nv
Mahala last week, none of us needn't
to say nothin' about it. We hain't got
no call to spread it round.
~Or If Nancy Marier Stricklan'
wears year-bobs, an frizzles her hair
over her furrid on ,,urtands 70 no
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04

NOAH was won't to remark in his tidal
days that in the matter of sand wiches
Ham always took the biscuit. Ycnk-
ors Gazette.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04

fashionabler then us,
faint none of our
consarns. We kin
feel sorry fur her, an
be glad we hev got
better sense; but we
needn't to tell other
folks. We all hey
our failures, an we
must larn to be for
bearing towards fell
ler-citters,
Ter to help us keep
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04

from sattlin' spour our nsighDors, We
air a-goin' to take turns in tellin' sto-
ries. Something we heve heared or
read, or else some of our own egsperi-
ence.
"An' now the meetin' may perceed to
sew, an Sister Saphelia Crookneck
may begin her story, bein' she was
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04

Calline washed the dishes an redd up
the room, an then we went to the
milk-ho Sc, an skum the milk fur next
days churning. Long towards night
the COW come mo, an / MIXED her,
while Caliine was a-doin' ~ the other
chores"
"An' did you see the burgle-er, then p
says Matildy Ann.
"Jest you wait" says Sister Saphelia.
I'm a-comin to him."
"When twas too dark to see any
more, an the whip-poor- wills was a
hollering out in the woods, an the bats
an night-hawks a-fittering round the
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04
fSt!!I9|AgI,.Q!!$eA
N5ER{zZSaFFI|eL@@

NHNN o THE EDITOR:-I
NYkSAy thought mebbe you would
EM EEE. like to hear about our
6NyXa.. Anti-Scan' alous Society !;
VIxIAWa and so I'm a-goin' to
&ZA write you short count
of our last meeting.
We met about 2 o'clock of We'd
nesday afternoon, at Sister Sawtelrs.
After we had lux off our bunnets, an
sat down, an talked about the weather
q few minutes, Sister Deacon Buzbee
(she's the Presidentess) she raped
onto the table with her thimble an
says:
"This here meeting will now come to
order quicker scat. An the fust
thing on the program is for the Secta-
rian to read the minutes"
We all hustled round and come to
, 1888-06-09

People will eat hot buttered toast, and
give 1t to children and invalids, who will
tell you that they are quite careful about
diet, and never think of touching pastry.
The difference between the two articles
is as follows Pastry 10 flour and water
baked after butter has beer rubbed into
it, Buttered toast is flour and water
linked first, and then rubbed thoroughly
with butter. The difference between
pastry and well buttered toast is appar-
emily the difference between the pro-
verbal '~'tweedledum and tweedledee."
! only mention toast as one instance of
the articles of diet which people consider
comparatively simple and indulge in
freely. Boston Transcript.