The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-11-24
JOHNS BURGLARS.
Boston Gazette.

LIZ. f1eTCeT, III tu0 IOputuT OCteSeCc
Monthly, says that there exists in
every human being, no matter how
sceptical he may consider himself, q
certain degree of credulity, which
may be played upon and taken advan-
tage of in q measure; and even among
adults one meets with some in whom
the Imagination gets the upper hand
so readily that they may be induced
to believe the most impossible things,
and all this accounts for the existence
in all well-regulated households of the
"family lie." The gradual growth of
the family lie is as imperceptible, but
as interesting to watch, as that of a
prize pumpkin. Each member of the
family has an equal interest in this
imperceptible but steady increase of
proportion, though the member who
figures most conspicuously in it keeps
the keenest watch over it. It grows
with his growth and strengthens with
his strength It'll from perfectly nat
ural and commonplace occurrence
grows a most wonderful and superhu-
man event. Mr.. John Jones is aroused
one night by what he thinks is an un-
natural sound in the lower part of the
house. He has long been waiting
some years, in fact,-to hear some
sound that will not finally resolve
itself into rain falling on tin roof, or
the early peculiarities of the milkman,
and his heart beats violently as he sits
up in bed to listen, and then swings
his feet cautiously out. AS he finds
himself in the dark stiffness of the
middle of the room, and Mrs. Jones
still keeps up what he has for fifteen
years called snoring, but she says Is
merely deep breathing, he wishes he
had not been quite 80 cautious. 1t
would seem more natural and lifelike
If Mrs. Jones would shrilly whisper,
"What is it, John2" in an agonized
tone. But the silence Is oppressive,
and he turns the gas on with a whizz
that brings Mrs. Jones up in bed with
the spring of jack-in-the-b box and
the old familiar shrill whisper, "What
is it, John?" restores him to his leo
nine courage.
"Nothing, Evelina; don't bother
now. Just keep quiet, will your Why
do You always have to wake up at the
least little noise?" he sputters, impa-
tiently, as he stands irresolntely fin
gering the key to the door, and shiv-
ering, partly with the night air and
partly with the conviction that Eve
lima isn't going to entreat him to stay
with her and not open the door at all.
For once In the annals of their mar
ried life, Evelina does not urge him to
stay with her and not unlock the
door, and In q burst of indignation at
her selfish thoughtlessness, he tears
open the door, hoping she'll feel sorry
the next morning when she finds his
burglar shot-riddled body and the
Morning Globe at the same time, with
. full account, with illustrations in It,
of his tragic death, and how none Of
the family were awake to help him.
His bitter recklessness carries him as
Tar as the head of the stairs, where he
panses and pallidly listens. He ex-
citedly recalls descriptions he has read
Of the head of family, Gliding down
the banisters and lighting on e bur-
glars head, or the Newark servant
girl who knocked one out in one
round, or the Texas female who filled
one with buckshot; but he reflects,
with chattering teeth, that his banis-
ters are Queen Anne, he Is small man
and he hasn't got a gun in the house.
AS he listens, however, the sound as
sumes familiar monotony; q warm
glow PUSHES over him; he puts on an
air the description Of which shall be
effective the next morning on the train
to "the boys" and marches boldly
down one fight, pushes open the din
Ing room door, and finds the water
dripping into the china closet dishpan.
He turns it of with a flourish, lights
all the gas, slams all the doors, tries
all the windows, falls over his infant |
sons toy steam engine, stubs his toe |
and swears Then he marches with q |
heavy step upstairs and finds that his |
wife's aggressive silence did not pro-
coed from indifference to his fate, but |
petrifaction from fright. As he locks |
the door the first edition of 1.-THE Fam |
lily Lie" IL published.
Ts-is-ars they gone?" walls Mrs. |
@Who goneaD he cheerfully replies,
pleased to find himself alive In one
room, instead Of dead all over the
front hall.
The bub-bub-burglars,' bubbles
EveIinA.
Weren't any burglar" he explains,
. tribe irritated now 10 think there
WIS n0ne. Here she catches sight oil
his bloody toe and shrieks:
@Oh, Jo-JOhnl they didn't shoot
you r !