Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1888-04-30
Our Minister'S Sermon.

Our Minister'S Sermon.
| The minister said last night, said he,
| ''Don't be afraid of givin'.
/ If your life amt worth nothin' to other folks,
Why, what's the of livin?
And that's what I said to my wife, says l.
'.There's Brown, the mis'r'be sinner
He'd sooner a beggar would starve, than give
A cent toward buyin' dinner.
| tell you our minister's prime, he is,
But [ couldn't quite determine,
When heard him givin' it right and left,
Just who hit by his sermon.
OF course there couldn't be mistake
When he talked of long -wnded piayin',
For Peters and johnson they sot and scowled,
Atevery Wort he was sayin'.
And the minister went to say,
"Theres various kinds of cheatin',
And religions good for every day
As it is to bring to meetin'.
don't think much of the that gives
The loud amen at preachin',
And spends his time the follown' week
In cheatin' and Overreachin'."
L guess that dose was bitter enough
For man like Jones to swalor,
But L noticed that he didn't open his mouth
But once after that to holler
"Hurrah,'' said l. "for the minister
OF course said it quiet
"Give some more of this open talk;
It's very refreshin diet"
The minister hit 'em every time,
And when he spoke of fashion,
And rggin' out in bows and things,
AS woman's ruling passion,
And coming to church to see the styles,
1 couldn't help winkin',
And a-nudgin' my wife and says ,'sThat's you;'
And guess it sot her thnkin'.
Says 1 to myself, "That sermons pat,
But mans queer creation,
And I'm afraid that of the folks
Won't take the application
Now, if he had said word about
My personal mode of sinnin',
I'd have gone to work to right myself,
And not sat there grinnn'.
just then the minister, says he,
''And now come to the fellers
Whove lost this shower by usin' their friends
AS sort o. moral umbrellas;
Go home,' says he, ''and find your faults,
Instead of huntin' your brothers;
Go home,' says he, "and weart the coats
You tried to fit others.''
My wife she nudged and Brown he winked
And there was lots O. smn',
And lots O. lookin' at pew;
1t sot my blood abllin
Says 1 to myself, 'sOur minister
Is gettin' little bitter;
1'n tell him when meetin's out that
Am not that kind of critter.'
1.-The Letter that Never Came" is one
that should have returned borrowed mon
ey.
When once infidelity can persuade men
that they shall die like beasts, they will
soon be brought to live like beasts.
Chasing bull across a swamp is the
kind of agricultural pursuit that even an
independent farmer does not relish.
1t has never yet been decided whether
snoring is vocal or Instrumental music.
Calling it sheet music doesn't settle the
question at all.
Bobby (thoughtfully)-Pa Father Cir-
rascibly)-Ya'as, ya'as what is it? Bobby
DO you think I'll be as cross as you are
when grow up?
Maple sugar time has Gomez
The boys, you bet, they know it.
They've whitfield out their wooden spoons,
And for the woods they go it.
An old man who never did anything
worse in his youth than throw a snow
ball at dead cat, will amuse himself by
the hour telling you what bad boy he
was.
An Ohio man lived on one meal day
until he could pay merchant the $78 he
owed him. He is, we believe, the only
Ohio man who has not been suggested for
president.
''Then you do love me, Eveline?" he
said Il do" she murmured. "And shall
L speak to your pa?" he asked. 'No," she
replied, ''speak to ma pa isn't of any ac
count in this family"
The young lady who writes her love
letters on paper saturated with kerosene,
so that she will know if her fellow ever
tries to light his cigar with it, may be
wise in her generation, but she is mean.
George-Shall put some more coal on
Gl6 uI0, dCdl SldI WIFI d 1lCClC Sl1iN CI
-N-no, th-think not, George. George
But you are shivering, my love. Clara
i know 1 am, George; but I am afraid
that papa might hear you.
An exchange says that hornets nest
bound on the throat with piece of fan
mel will cure the worst case of sore throat.
Although no particular directions are CIV
en-, we suppose the hornets are first per
suaded to evacuate the premises.
''How long should a clergyman wear
hishair?" asked religious paper. What
nonsense. He should wear it as long as
he lives unless he becomes bald, or goes
as missionary to the Comanches. But
how long does his wife wear hirsute?
NV little Hester when less than three
years old, was looking up at the slim new
moon one evening with curling lip and
tear-filled eyes. ''Boke," she said, when
/ questioned her. ''What is broke, little
maid?" | asked ssMoon," was her reply.
A Connecticut woman has embroidered
the words and music of 'Home Sweet
f1OIlC Oil d IlDSL S1lCCO WhlbH 10 OH ollC
spare room bed. Her guests have not
vet decided whether the hostess means to
indicate that they must feel at home or
had better go home.
An exchange asserts that there is SIM
pie method of determining the position
of the sun at any time of the day. If you
place the point of a knife blade or a
sharp lead pencil on the thumb nail, it
casts shadow directly from the snn, no
matter how thick the snow or fog is.
Stranger (standing on wharf down in
Florida)-What sort of line is this tri-
weekly line / hear of? Bullet-headed
darkev (rallinp barrels into the freight