Wichita eagle., 1888-05-29
FOLKS WHO GET FULL.
THE QUEER ANTICS OF VARIOUS PER-
SONS WHEN FUDDLED.

!
! Comical Items Picked Up by a Chicago
Reporter-Peculiar Delusions of the In
| ebriate-Merry Old Chaps-SeeinS the
Elephant-A Scare.
| There is sometimes a sort of picturesque
ness about the peculiar delusions OF an inc
briate which reaches beyond the mere dis
gushing and borders upon the realms of the
pathetically grotesque and while we cannot
| but regret the weakness Of the individuals
we are forced to smile at his idiosyncrasies.
| One of these peculiar cases occurred the other
evening at one of the prominent hotels in the
| city The hour was late and the majority of
the sedate and well regulated guests had re-
tired. Suddenly the front doors were thrown
| open with a bang and through the aperture
| emerged a young gentleman who but few
hours before had departed in all the glory Of
spruce clothes and fine linen. Now his hat
was on the back of his head, his clothing was
| disordered, and there was a drunken leer
upon his handsome face. AS he staggered to
! ward the desk it was noticed that he was
dragging behind him one OF those dressed
models which the clothiers ofsthe present day
exhibit in the front of their stores. Ap-
| preaching the clerk with an unsteady gait,
| the intoxicated individual called out:
81 shay, hic, ole boy, can't yer take, bic,
! care of Harrya He's shoe drunk to shtand.
! He vanish to go TO bed"
| The clerk obligingly took care of the
mummy" which the inebriate fondly i'm
! agined to be his friend, and promised to see
| him safely to bed, after which the young
! gentleman consigned himself to the care Of
two stalwart porters who conducted him to
| his room
LIBERAL OLD FELLOWS.
! Another of the picturesque drunkards is
the liberal old bachelor who, when he is in
ciined to be merry, insists that all his friends
! shall join with him in the worship Of the
rosy god Bacchus. His opportunities become
! wearsoT1e, but he is not in the least nom
pl,ssed, and when friends fail to respond to
/ his call he seeks the tompanionship Of the
| general loungers about the bar.
| One of these generous individuals was seen
| the other evening on Clark street. The hour
was late, and the jolly old gentleman was
seated ON the sidewalk with demijohn I'M
der his arm and well filed glass in his right
hand. He was jolly and generous, and
! wanted the whole world to enjoy his liquid
hospitality.
| Come, boys" he cried, "let's all take
drink. Whisky's as free as water, and since
| the food water tastes too much of drowned
sinners. Who wants waters Let's all take q
drink"
He was only brought to realizing sense Of
his condition when two guardians of the law
took charge of him and escorted him to his
! hDyal after arpronria tipo tina doypi John for
| sheir own uses.
The other evening the police discovered
well preserved and well dressed middle aged
Individual calmly sleeping in mortar bed
| which stood in front of half completed
building. The somnolent gentleman had
taken Off his hat, but without taking the
trouble to further disrobe had quietly settled
! himself for a snooze Considerable effort
was needed to arouse him, and when he
finally gained his consciousness he looked
helplessly around him and murmured:
| ''Purty good bed, out the feathers stick to
! q fellows clothes"
| SEEING THE ELEPHANT.
! There is a young gentleman in the city
| whose fancies, while under the influence Of
| liquor, are most peculiar. He is en- ardent
! lover of animals and his pets comprise al
most the entire animal kingdom. He seldom
goes to excess in drinking, but when he does
there is no limit to his bibulations When in
the last stages his younger days invariably
return to him, and be ir,agines himself the
small boy at the circus. The elephant ap-
pears to be his chief source of delight, and
| instead of snakes, and scorpions, and crawl
| ing things, his dreams are .peopled with the
| sportive elephant, and he babbles on as
happy as child with its first bag of peanuts
| beneath the canvas of the peripatetic
| menagerie
| Then there is the picturesGuely rapid young
man. Bustltng and active while sober. his
ruling passion while under the influence of
| liquor Is to keep things moving A case of
this kind occurred a few evenings ago when
one of these rapidly inclined inebriates en-
tered a railroad depot to wait for a train and
| carry him to his suburban home. Be
coming tired of the monotony Of the sit
uation, he wandered down the track, and
| finding putting engine without its usual
occupation of engineer and fireman, be reck-
| lessly stepped aboard and pulled the throttle
| wide Open In an instant the engine began
! to move and the rapid young man, in
! thorough alright, leaped from the cab, sus-
| tanning serious injuries. The wild engine
! sped upon its way, and had It not been for
the GOODNESS and foresight Of a switchman
a terrible disaster night have occurred AS
| it was, the rapid young man was arrested
| for his freak, and now In dungeon cell as
asserts that John Barleycorn and he are
| sw orn enemies.
| drunkenness may be picturesque said
one old stager, ''butas for me, I'll take mine in
some other shape. When it comes to ringing
| your own door beIl and asking your wife tn
come down and pick you out of crowd who
| don't know their own names, then its time
to quit, and don't want any more pictur-
esque in NINE"
Altogether it may safely be argued that
the safest, pleasanteet and easiest way of en-
| joying life is to discreetly avoid the picsur-
esque, the unique or the decidedly unusual
| drunk. Chicago Herald