Arizona silver belt., 1888-05-05
uNpERrAKERs, TALES.

Stories Told by Funeral Directors at Their
 Meeting in Pittsburgh.
 VI had funny experience years ago, when l worked for Mayor-elect Me Callin in this city, I" remarked country undertaken
 "What was that?"
 Why, I got pay for burying a man twice. It was this way: A man had been fished up out of the river and sent to our house to bury That night about nine o'clock in came two women, mother and daughter, named Smith, living on the south side. They asked to see the drowned man, and as quick as lifted the cloth that covered his face, the old lady threw up both hands and screamed: That's him; that's my poor husband The young lady identi- fled him, too, but didn't seem to feel very bad. The next morning the family lawyer came to me and gave orders for the burial. The old man, it seemed, had considerable money; at any rate, l worked him of real nice and respectable like, and got y pay. About a year later the sam lawyer came to me and says: You lght to owe me fifty dolIars?'
 Why sd L
 Why, I id you that for burying old Smith ab dt a year ago and he wasn't dead. But he is ready to plant this time; did last night, and I came over after VI
 "Wel. I over and laid the man out. While Ias at work on him the old lad Rnd said: Well, he's dead sne, poor man. The night kried him before, he c:smRs i1eroom where we was ali had taken a little too mIl -ha.t-iat got over it and -Four buryin' him in the papefs 2or' but he was mad. 1 knew he W sperrit as soon as he came in. lguess he won't come back this
 q never to shave corpse" re- marked a eaded funeral director from an ad pg county, land if it is practicable ys like to get a barber. About ma kgo I had an old man to bury whI died with four or five days growt keard. His limbs had contracted fy after death, and to straighten hut we had laid couple of plank ae m. He was lying on the bed in | say when the barber came, big Bred fellow, with consid- erable superstition about him. He shaved the outside of the face all right, and then had to clinG0 on the bed, over the deceased. to shave the other side. In some way his knees hit the plank which lay across the dead mans chest, and held his arms down, releasing both arms. They sprung together like the jaws of a steel trap, and happened to catch the barber on both sides of the head. He gave one long yell that lasted till he reached the street, and that was the last seen of him. had to finish the job, since the darky was so badly scared that it was three days be- fore he went to work again. ''
 The following dialogue is alleged to have been overheard at the convention, and was re-told with considerable gusto:
 Country Undertaker-Do you make any difference in your own manner and expression in conducting different funerals?
 City Funeral Director-Certainly. I have three expressions-one for first class funerals, one, for medium, and one for cheap funerals{ First-class funerals. as 1 call thenl5 are when the family has wealth ald social position. These peo- ple are calm and undemonstrative in their sorrow, and use what call my ''dignified sorrow" expression-a calm, sad look, with white tie. I charge ten dollars extra for this in my ct cet- eras. For the medium class I just sling in a sort of a "ministerial sadness look that costs them five dollars extra. If the family have lots of money and are pretty shoddy, and bound to make big show, I use 8 suppressed grief expression that pride myself on. It is really pathetic. That costs the mourn CTS twenty-five dollars, but it's dandy. -Ptttsburgh Dispatch.