Weekly expositor. (Brockway Centre, Mich.) 1882-1894, 1888-10-25
SLIPS OF THE TONGUE.
Amusing and barrassIng Blum
ders Caused by Accident or stu
pidity.

/
plant OF some unlucky wight. who
might have received consolation had he
reflected on the number of offenders
that daily keep him company. A
writer in Chambers journal tells of
number of bulls as much amusing.
The guardsman' remark to the Eng
lish nobleman who was in the habit of
affably conversing with soldiers. 81
like you. my lord; there is nothing of
gentleman about YOU" offers an ex.
ample of the kind. How many
deathsP" asked hospital physician.
"Nine." ''WhX l ordered medicine
for ten." Yes; but one would not
take it, was the startling reply.
"Hillo! where are you gong at this
time of nIght?' said u gentleman to
his servant. "You are after no good.
I'll warrant" "PIease, sir, mistress
sent me for you. sir. was the response.
A gentleman said to the waiter of his
club: "Mchael. if should die, would
you attend my funeralP" willingly.
sir, " was the hasty answer. "Well.
Michael, that isn't very compliment
tary." mo. SIR. l didn't name that.
Sir; wouldn't be seen there. sir" was
the walters consolatory reply.
A child may often be expected TO put
his or her needless little foot in it, as
the phrase goes. For instance. a
youngster one day begged an invitation
to dinner at the house of friend with
whom he had been playing. At the
table his hostess anxiously inquired:
"Charl c. can you cut your own meat9"
Hump said the youngster. who was
saving away, cant lp I've cut up quite
as tough meat as this at home!" Peo-
pie who are destitute of tact m ght take
warning from such juvenile malaprops.
but such does not often appear to be
the case, judging by the numerous ex-
amples to the contrary.
A millionaire railway king has q
brother who is hard of hearing. while
he himself is remarkable rs having
very prominent nose. Once the rail-
way king dined at friends house
when he sat between two ladies, who
talked to him very loudly, rather TO
his annoyance. but he said moth ng
: Finally one of them shouted a COM
monplace remark, and then said in an
ordinary tone to the other: odd you
ever see such nose in all your ltfe?"
Pardon me. ladies' said the million
aire, 1T s my brother who is deaf"
You can imagine the horror of the
lady who INDUCED in such personal
remarks, yet she was no more awk-
wardly placed than the hero of the
following; When dining at certain
castle q Mr.. 7, after the ladies re-
tired. remarked to a gentleman pre-
sent that the lady who sat on his right
was the ugliest woman he had ever
seen. II am sorry to hear" said the
gentleman, 'rhat you think that my
wife is so Unlocking" ''Ob, no. sir; 1
meant the lady who sat on my left; l
made mistake" "Well, ST.. she is
my sister. "
! Abiding to newspapers. it may be
remarked that advertisers and I'M
pracliced writers therein through
ambiguity of words and phrases often
commit absurdtes that may be touch
ed on as further illustrating our
subject. A country paper once related
how, during the celebration, child
was run over wearing short dress.
which never spoke afterward. In
the description of the doings of mad
dog it is said that "he bit horse Oh
the leg, which has since died" An
account of a funeral SAYS: The re-
mains were committed to that bourne
from which no traveller returns attend
ed by his friends"
1t is not surprising that foreigners
sometimes fail to catch all the shades
OF meaning to our words. A French
man translated Shakespeare's line,
"Ous brief candle" by: Get out
you short candle" And the express
sion, with my sword 1 will carve my
way to fortune" was rendered with
my sword l will make my fortune
cutting meat"
Advertisers often give US amusing
specimens of composition. of which
this is an example: Lost by poor lad
ted up in brown paper with white
string German flute with an over
coat on and several other articles of
wearing apparel" A miller attempt
ed to testify to the merits of a pow
der for destroying vermin by saying:
"a fortnight ago l was full of rats,
and now don't think l have one"
Examples more of the ''bulI' ge-
nus also come under the title of this
paper as cases in point For instance,
newspaper was running a serial story
called THE Truth" One week, SO
much space being devoted to other
matters, the editor was unable to con-