St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1888-03-25
BILL NYE HON0RED.
He Is Elected an Honorary
Member of an Essex
Farmers Club.
In Accepting the Membership
He Writes a Letter on
Farming,
Giving Lots Of Sage Advice
on Various Topics and
Relating
His Experience as a County
Fair, Judoa and 0p.
His Experience as a County
Fair Judge and Or
atOp.


club, of Ashfield, Mass, E. d. Church,
informs me by United States mail that
upon receipt of my favorable reply l
will become an honorary member of
that club, along with George William
Curtis, Prof. Norton, Prof. Stanley Hall,
of Harvard, and other wet-browed toll
erS in the catnip-infested domain of ag-
riculture.
l take this method of thanking the
Ashfield Farmers club, through its sec
rotary, for the honor thus all so I'M
worthily bestowed, and joyfully accept
the honorary membership, with the I'M
derstanding, however, that during the
county fair the solemn duty of deliver
ing the annual address from the judges
stand, in tones that will not only ring
along down the corridors of time, but go
laundering three times around half
mile track and be heard above the rhyth-
mic PUNK of the hired man WHO'S try
ing to ascertain, by means of large
maui and humping umachine, how
hard he can strike, shall fall upon Mr..
Curtis or other honorary members of
the club. have voice that does very
well to express endearment, or other
subdued emotions, but it is not effective
at a county fair, Spectators see the won
derful play of my features, but they
only hear the low refrain of the naughty
Clydesdale steed, who has neighsal
voice and wears his tail in a Grecian
coil. l received $50 once for address
ing a race-track one mile in length ON
'.The Use and Abuse of Ensilage as a
Narcotic" | made the gestures, but
the sentiments were those of the four
ton PercherOn charger, Little Medicine,
dam Eloquent.
spoke under low shed and rather
adverse circumstances. In talking with
the committee afterwards, as l wrapped
up my gestures and put them back in
the shawl strap, said that felt almost
ashamed to receive such price for the
sentiments of others, but they said that
was all right. No one expected to hear
an agricultural address. They claimed
that it was most generally purely spec
tacular, and so they regarded my speech
as a great success. | used the same
gestures afterwards in speaking of 1.-The
Great Falling Off Among Bareback
Riders in the Circuses of the Present
Day."
| would also like to be excused from
any duties as judge of curly-faced
stock or as umpire of ornamental needle
work. After person has had foun-
tain pen kicked endwise through his
chest by the animal to which he has
awarded the prize, and later ON his feat
ures worked up into giblet pie by the
owner of the animal to whom he did not
award the prize, he does not ask for
public recognition at the hands of his
fellow-citizens. 1t is the same in the
matter of ornamental needlework and
gaudy quilts, which goad man to drink
AM and dealt, death. While Am | am proud .'l
and "change works" with hearty,
whole-souled plowman like George
William Curtis, | hope,that at all county
fairs or other intellectual hand-to-hand
contests between outdoor orators and
other domestic animals l may be ex-
cuSed, and that when judges of infamed
slumber robes and restless tides, which
roll up and fall over the floor or adhere
to the backs of innocent people; or stiff,
hard DOric pilloW-shamS which do not
in any way enhance the joys of sleep;
OF beautiful, pale-blue satin pincush-
ions, which it would be wicked to put
pin in and which will therefore ever
and foreyermore mock the man who
really wants pin, just as beautiful
match safe stands idly through the
long vigils of the night, year after
year, only to laugh at the man who
it and finds it empty; or like the glori-
Gus inkStand which is so pretty and
fragile that it stands around with its
hands in its pockets acquiring dust and
dead flies for centuries, so that when
you are in a hurry you stick your pen
into a small chamber of hOrrOrS-I say
when the judges are selected for this de-
partment | would rather have my name
omitted from the panel, as [ have
formed or expressed an opinion and
have reasonable doubts and conscien-
tious scruples which it would require
testimony to remove, and am not quail
flied anyway, and have been already
placed in jeopardy once, and that is
enough.
Mr.. Church writes that the club has
taken up, discussed and settled all
points of Importance bearing upon ag-
riculture, from the tariff up to the ques-
ton of whether or not turpentine poured
hollow horn. He desires suggestions
and questions for discussion. That
shows the club to be thoroughly alive.
It will soon be spring, and we cannot
then disusS these matters. New respon-
sibilities will be added day by day in the
way of stock, and we have to think of
names for them. Would it not be well
before the time comes for active
farm work to think out a long
list of names before the little stran-
gers arrive? Nothing serves to lower us
in the estimation of our fellow farmers
or the world more than the frequent al
tercationS between owners and their
hired help over what name they shall
give to a weary, wobbly calf who has
Just entered the great arena of life, full
of hopes and aspirations perhaps, but
otherwise absolutely empty. Let us
so that we may be prepared for any
thing of this kind. One more point
may properly come before the club at
it's next meeting, and mention it here
because l may be so busy at Washing
ton looking after our other interests
that cannot get to the club meeting.
/ refer to the evident change in
climate here from year to year, and its
effect upon seeds purchased of florists
and seedsmen generally. Twenty years
ago you could plant seed according to
directions and it would produce plant
which seemed to resemble in general
way the picture on the outside of the
package. Now, under the fluctuating
influence OF irresponsible lSOtnermS,
phlegmatic springs, rare June weather
and overdone weather in August, find
it almost impossible to produce plant
bles it's portrait. Is it my fault OF the
fault of the climate? | wish the club
would take hold of this at its next regu-
lar meeting.
l first noticed the change in the sum-
mer of ~, l think. l purchased a
small package of early Scotch plaid
curled kale with beautiful picture on
the Inside. 1t was as good a picture of
Scotch kale as l ever saw. | could i'm
agine how gay and ight-hearted it was
the day | went up to the studio and