Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1888-03-25
BURDETFH GRUMBLES.
/ things that Are 0ub0f Joint March
Winds and Frosts Set the Genial
Humorist to Grumbling.
ThIEgs Not as They Should Be-Men
Die Who Should LYe-1'hroWipg
Religion 10 The Dogs.
an InundRtIon OF RIsdom-The Stronger
SeK-Rhy Bob Is = Woman
suffFagist.
COopyrishted, lsss }

kOOpyIlSuEtui 4ccc
Written for the Gazette.
Sometimes, and especially 1t seems to
me, IN the month Of March, the time is
dreadful o1t of j9int. The wrong men
die and the straight men wander into
crooked places. The bootblack shins
around the corner with your change, and
the cashier of the savings bank scoots for
Canada with your deposits. Your mine
was sailed and pans out nothing but
assessments; you have gone into
an orange speculation, and q white
frost settles down all over Florida. At
every deal you Draw hand with which
yeu can neither pass oct with grace, nor
stay in with safety. Your boots are
tight, your hist too large, your dress-suit
comes home two days alter the party, the
dog catChers go6ble your valuable setter,
the chimney smokes, somebody sticks
your red ink pen into the black ink, and
the world turns round too fast for a week
st time.
"The wicked man Aourishes like a
greeB-5ay tree, while his honest neighbor
gets whip-sAWed every deal. The doc
tor prescribes outline foriToHr chills- and
the druggist puts you up something
worthless and cheap for 50 an ounce.
There are thirty seven authors Of "Beau-
tiiul Snow" and not one for the "Bread
Winners" In Chicsgo enc msuuiac-
tory makes nothing but century-old
"grsnL fathers clocks" and furnishes
pedigIees for the same to the pur-
chaser, until TO own tall, antique clock
is proof positive that your family began
only with your father. In Philadelphia
IL sLnk
years older than the most genuine Ssrsdi-
TRrius four weeks after they are made,
so that now an ancient, honest LOOKING,
decrepit vislin is pIims fGcie evidence Of
glazing and outrageous fraud. There is
milk in the water Of commerce, and su-
gar in the sand the grocer sells. We
have rigors where we used to have chills.
"Old Subscriber" Is usually an individ-
uHl who borrews the paper from a neigh
Dor or reads the copy pasted up on the
bulletin board. "Constsnt Reader" who
never read anything in his life save pict-
ures on ciTcus-poster, and "Tax Payer"
is the signature Of tramp. A strug-
Cling genius writes poem with soul of
6re that lives forever and day and dies
in tears and loneliness and poverty In
hSn bedroom, fifth floor back. Queen
Victoria grinds cut book thai no living
man outside the Guelph family and the
proof-Tesder could be hired to read, and
has pie three times day, owns five dogs
and bushels Of IpdIs shaWls.
When December is here with q select
assortment OF chilblsins and frost bites.
we cry, "WouId Heaven it were July"
And when July is come, straightWay we
are sunstruCk.
There are 5000 known, classified and
described speci, of fish. And yet man
can fish in good waters sill day long and
8 never one solitary specimen of the small
est kind, and bringeth home with him
only tWo-Teeks' rstion of malaTial
fever. This, also, is vanity.
never took girl to church,
The long st way back home to plan,
But what she left me in the lurch,
And walked back with another man.
Garfield was shot TO death in the prime
OF good and useful life. Lincoln WAS
taken away just when the country least
could spare him, De Long laid down his
life for science ere yet his sun had reached
its meridian, while the man who can
write forty nine chapters of the Bible on
one side OF postal card will probably
live TO the age Of ninety-three. This
doesn't seem right.
The girl with soft gray eyes and rip
pling brown hair, who walked all over
your poor futterirg heart at the charity
ball, has Just finished crazy
quilt containing 1864 pieces OF neckties
and hat Innings put together with 81, 800
stitches. And her poor old father fastens
on his suspenders with 8 long nail, 8
piece Of twine, sharp stick, and one
regularly ordained button. This, also, is
vanity.
Man plsnteth bed Of pansies in the
front yard, and Lei there cometh up
nSught, save colony of cutworms only
he goeth forth into the field and droppeth
corn into the hills, and 400, 900, 900 crows
sing as they pluck it out of the ground
right after him.
He stTolleth through the leniy woods,
aud his hide is filed with chigres. He
lolleth in the fragrant Winrows Of the
new mcwn hay, and straight away fitch
himself with q snake. There are spring
guns in the orchard, 8 bull in the pasture,
ram IL the meadow, dog in the yard,
and three tr&mps down the road, SO that
he hath no rest tor the sole of his foot
ard no Joy for his heart II ne moveth out
of his own room.
Somebody has got to straighten this old
world out, and as they seem to DE little
SLOW about it, l have made up my mind
that will do It myself.