New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-09-16
THE TALK OF THE DAY.

"Be Quick or You're Dead,' is the title Of a story
about Western road agent.
The husband stood at the door, hat in hand, and
spoke with a tnge OF impotence In his tone
/" waiting, Maria he said, for my customary
kissed you only moment ago, john replied
why, so you did. my love-" said John, putting on
HIS hat, so you did"
IF smoked as nasty pipe as you DO, sad
Maria, you would have no dlhiculty In remembering
my kisses" -CChicago Tribune.
Some one proposes to amend the Episcopal marriage
service by introducing clause binding the groom TO
be temperate. If such clause would do any good
by all means let It be inserted
Facetious visitor in newspaper office to EDITOR
May use YOUR brains momentf
Visitor (smnlngy picking up scissors)-Yes, sir
Editor with great cordiaLtyl- Certainly you may.
Use them a long a YOU please Always g,aa 10
furnish brains TO a man who hasn't any-Nhcaso
Tribune
Peripatetic Agent sec by the papers maam ths.
your house was attacked by burglars last night ie;
me show you Of smiths patent eleciro-tetrahedrai
umincrous burglar alarms. They are constructed
on purely scientific principles II Is absolutely impoSs
1t would be of no use, as We have had an admir-.
able burglar alarm in the house Tor some ne co,.
You viii want another 1t IS absolutely impossible
for burglar to enter house which is furnished with
one Of smiths patent electro-tetrahe"
But alarm is all right. we don't want another
arc not aWas Of Si that y The burglars took the alarm and
fled and as you certainly need another
The door ams.-(Springfeld Union.
Last July was one of the coolest months that ths
Australians ever experienced. In fact the whole
ter has been exceptionally severe.
Turned him over.-Shoo dealer rubbing his hands
afablyl-Well, sir; what can ] do for y0u, SIR
Customer-I want to look at pair of your finest
Shoe dealer-Yes, sir; sit right down the sofa
please and
shoe dealer ito clePkl-.lameS. show this gentle
man the shOe-strngs. 1.-The Epoch.
Interesting matter for the student OF human natu,
may be found hourly al a crowded counter I'm O.
our largest variety stores. where women Of all ages,
sorts and styles pressing and pushing each Other
10 buy the most becoming eyeglasses Many select
mere window glass, but quite Indifferent so ons
: the question asked II the patient ssleswOman Sc Do
the glasses with without frames give the most
style ~ is only answered and the young gil Of SIX
trots OF, delighted that she has found stylish
I eye glass;
\ sccdy-looklng man came into the Office Of one Of
the largest soap manufacturers in Philadelphia he
man and would like twenty i've ceifs
well. now remarked the man addressed. d" ! CON
slider that cool You might have Jared better il you
With look Of real indignation and a voice almost
angry the applicant said: Now see here. Mr. Drey'
doppel you know your business and ! know mine.
Mr. Dreydoppci handed over the quarter PhilaieL
phla Times.
\ lumber dealer In Minnesota, whose given name Is
Isaac, has list of the different ways in which his
name has been spelled by correspondents Herr arc
a few Of the ways: Isac Iisac, Icaack. lscac isac
Isaag, lzc, Isace, Icac Isach. Isle, ISAAC lsaace'
lcaas lexis Iaasic Aisec Isaar Iaasac. lcec IsasS.
Islca, Iaac, Iassac, Izk sic. Issach, lsac. lsch'
Issacc, Issaacc Iseka. Isslck Isaak, lsacs, lsak'
lsaack Icaac, Sick, Isich, Isaac Issac Iace I'oaS
Iscc, Isalc.
Brown TO sarcophagus. the undertakerl-whsir hath I,
the world induced you 10 settle out al Bl9nA'N''
There's hary dozen families there, I'm told -
sarcophagus True there are not many people ttnwF.
but then there arr three grade crossings within ha
mile Of my house. -(BOstOL Transcript
Everett Hayden, Of the photographic Bureau, ia
lecture before the Franklin Institute, gave some
interesting data concerning the remarkable drift u
ocean derelictS. For example, the ship Ada lfcaAe
caught fire from spontaneous combustion, ""
abandoned, drifted 2.423 miles in eight months. VA
towed into port and continued TO burn for ele'ea
months longer then repaired and made into hahf
bark, which IS doing good service in the Chpe'
trade Another vessel drlftod 3,52l miles I'm elsh
months and ten days.
Unnecessary for IL to begin al the once.-Brokcr-
I'm sorry. Uncle Rastus, that can't DO any IN,
FOR you this morning. but charity, you know, oes"'
home -, a,
Uncle Rasms--N right. sab. I'll eall around Al
yO house this cbcnin' bout I, sah.-tIlmc.
The International Geological Congress which mee's
I'm London tor morrow originated In 1870 INV
, Buffalo meeting of the American Association ior INV
Advancement OF Science. Among The Gu suohs "
be discussed at the ns meeting VIII o. '
geological map Of Europe, the classlh, alton Oh NV
Cambran and sllUrlaH rocks, and of the t'ruS'
strata: and the organizing committee propose
devote spec al sitting 10 discussion OF the ":
talline schsts. There will be an exhibition u"s
the week, to VIII ch geologists are invited 10 ''"N
maps recent memoirs, rocks fossils, etc
Callcr-It must crafty you to see your eachane'
giving credit . other
Tdltor-Wen yes-but not SO much as some 0'H''
parties
Callcr-Who, for inStancel ,,,,..+,n
Elitor-My butcher and my tabor
Free Press.
Every woman wants the earth eNclams al w
bachelor cynic. Not II you bring 1t into the n0
your boots.
The cherry wood cradle I'm which Mrs. KUN sss
OF Winngford. Conn, was rocked when Osptt =, AZ
been made into n coffin for that good lady VIA III -
seventy four hears death knocking htue "s "
philadelphia Record.