Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1888-12-19
FUNNY ONES.

MN trouble again. we mean DIS sue
ears. He is liable to have trouble with
his frontiers, too.-Pitsborg Chronicle.
A FASHIONABLE Pair.-Dudekins-
all wool" Snip-''All wool, Mr..
Dudekins, and yard wild e. '-Harper's
Bdzdr.
MoTHER-"And the serpent, as pun
ishment for tempting Eve, was made to
crawl all the rest of his life." Bobbie-
ssWell, mamma, how did he get along
before ?'-Babyhood.
THEY always do.-'sY ou're an ANGELO
said he, unguardedly. "No, I'm not, :"
she responded with conviction. Pm
woman, and | want new winter suit
before the snow flies, sure" -SonseruiLle
Journal
''MR. CHAMBERLAIN had been counting
the daughter of our secretary of war
for some time, hadn't hep" asked Mrs.
Squildig. Yes" replied her husband,
but in tie Endicott her. PiHsbtrg
Chronicle.
II AM on my way home, doctor" said
citizen who was after some free ad-
vice. land Pm tired and worn out.
What ought to take?" "Take a cab, J"
replied the intelligent physician
Worcester Gazette.
MAJ. McTAv1sH-"M Fitch, I want
you to know the Rajah of Cawnpohr,
one of our most eminent disciples OF
Brahma." Mr.. Fitch (of tllinois)-
'fPToud to meet you, sir! It's tn best
breed that ever laid an egg. "--Jatdge.
MISTRESS (after heavy crash in the
kitchen below Bridget, l
hope you haven't broken that new vase
| brought home to-day" Bridget
ssNo, mem; it's one O. the limmin
merinee pies that yes was a-bakin' this
afternoon. "-Epoch.
''YoU don't look strong enough for
the work, my son." said the merchant.
Running an elevator in my store is a
hard job and the pay is small" Yes,
SIR" said the youthful applicant, 81 can
do it. I'm little, but Pm strong. Pm
your 'oister. - Chicago Tribune.
BoBBY-"Ma, is the church raising a
fund to send our minister to Europe p"
Mother-''Yes, dear" Bobby-"And
will the church be closed while he is
gomez" Mother-''Yes." Bobby
saved up to the fund ?"-Harper's Bazar:
captain)-''And what did the captain
teach you at Sunday school, Tommy
dear?" Tommy" That God made US
all; but said l guess he didn't make
you. because | knew you had bought a
good deal of yourself down W.
Life
MISTRESS Ito upstairs girl)-"Jane, the
downstairs girl Is sick. You know how
to cook. don't you? ?" Jane-'No mum:
don't know anything about cooking"
''But you told me you'd been cook for
ten years" 'Yes, mum; but it was in
railroad restaurant out West. "-Ec-
change.
A POLITE boy.-Fond Mother-Little
Dick is a perfect gentleman, bless his
little heart. Coming down stairs he po-
Itely stepped aside and allowed Mrs.
Heavyweight to precede him; dldn't
you, darling? Little Dick-Y es, mamma
I was AFRAID she might stumble.-Phita-
delphaa Record.
''GRINDsToNE, what ails you? You
look as If you had lost fifty pounds of
flesh since [ saw you last" Fifty
pounds" exclaimed Grindstone with a
groan. "Kiljordan, don't mock at man. s
misery. l have lost 800 pounds of flesh.
| bet a Jersey COW on Cleveland ~
Chicago Tribune.
THE Treasury Department has decid-
ed that ''so-called bIow-aecordeons''
are not musical instruments within the
meaning OF the tariff law. The Treas
ury Department might have gone still
further and declared that such aggrava-
tions were not musical instruments
within the meaning of any laW.-Nor-
ristol0n Herald
A SMALL boy in a New England house
hold, who had learned to read enough
TO join IN the morning exercises, but
sometimes bolts large word, astonish-
ed the family one morning when he
came to the passage in the Psalms,
''Let not mine enemies triumph over
me-" with this rendering, Let not mine
enemies trump over me."-R0rper' s
Magazine.
He was lying in front Of the store
door when the merchant came out, and
stirring Tim up with the toe of his boot,
said: ''Are you drunk ?'' "You bet"
Then you move off from here" Are
you drunk ?'' queried the inebriate.
''No, | am sober was the indignant
response. ssThen you can move off
from here a-hic-sight easier than [ can. y
-Terds Slttiags.
An English clergyman, whose name
we suppress on account of mis- sacred
calling, was absorbed in thought few
Sundays ago, just before divine service
began, when he was approached by the
organ1st, who asked, referring to the
opening hymn: EWhat shall [ play pr
s'What kind of a hand have you got ?"
responded the absent-minded clergy
man.-Teoas SiJtings.
A FINE specimen of the Taurus Hi
bernicus made its appearance in the
Bow Street police court yesterday
''You ducked your head ?" said the
magistrate to Patrick Lane, who charged
Joseph Kavanaugh with shooting at him
in the Strand. Faith, and [ did, your
worship. It's better 30 be coward for
five minutes than to be dead all your
lifetime "-London Globe.
"WHAT is a green-grocer, papa P"
asked Jones youngest son as the two
passed Woodward Avenue store this
morning. "a green-groeer, my lad, is
one who advertises to sell thirteen
pounds of ten cent sugar for a dollar
and then trusts the customer-to be
paid in day or two, you know. But,
my son, the grocer gets over this green
ness if he lives "-Detr0I Journal.
Il nj L 81