New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-12-02

with him, she be absolutely charming Calls
him a stupid old dear and silly bow who never
couh get or without herr At times she goes as
far as TO caresslngy pull his ear invests gate tho APP
Mailing growth OF his bald spots, mark on his
forehead with pencil At long intervals she throws
him into state OF overwhelming surprise by being
attacked with fits Of docIle domestclty, when she
nnts on a little white cap and apron, lights his
| pipe gets his Slippers. and sits down opposite him
| darnng a sock The whole household IS hushed and
| awed when these attacks come on. The servants
| fear a social catacysm. Tho master. gazing
rervchsly at the emf ancng vision OF his wo stitch
ing on the opposite side Of the hearth waits for the
rolling I'D of the heavens into scroll. the ar
| rival Of the millennium with the lion and he lamb
disposed in the foreground.
In return for these domestic alterations he Is
always expected to obterate himself when par
tcuarly nice young man IS in the field II at homo
he can play with the children, IL abroad EXHIBIT
sudden and engrossng interest in the shop WINDOWS
Things that he looked a-specia sacs OF rooon'
rorderful bargains in hosicrysuddcnly enslave his
attention His wife, tripping along ahead with the
willing captive, calls out cncouragingly over her
shoulder Come along, Jack dear DON'T DO
pokel"
Variety number three IS a woman with husband
and grievance The husband Is tho grievance Tor
he seriously inclines to the blbulous habit and unoer
its artificial stimulus is said to emphasize MS Vows
with we'll aimed missiles. The wife, despite the poet
words that the lodging of pillows imparts out
small to the STYLE IS always weildresscd' fresh
and pretty and burning to divugo her wrongs She
reposes on the bosom Of sympathetic families. to
whom she gives a lively and vivacous description
OF her lest encounter with her lord which Is told
with a wealth OF gesture and exhibits a profound
feeling for picturesque effects
OF course these delicate matters are only conrded
to old friends But was there ever lady in the
gaia rapdcr
girls she went to school with" could have manned
another ship and wiped out St Ursula and her twenty
thousand virgins by sheer fore Of numbers Inc
men whom she has known all her life" suggest that
her youth was one perpetual round OF introductons
like the lives OF distinguished foreign authors when
sojourning on our hosptable shores. To her select
though large circle Of ntlmates she is fond OF dlat
Ing the peculiar mode OF attack Just then In vogue
with her husband Sometimes, Ike the veterans OF
Acncourt she Will even strip her sleeves and show
her scarss The scars being visible only TO the eye
Of faith. She has genius for awakening sympathy.
Those who have listened to the tale OF her
suferings become infected with mad desire TO
avenge her. Her cause agitatcs families to whom
the lberang of tho blacks or the exclusion Of the
Chinese are the mcrcst bagateles. erhearted
women in the privacy of home-llfe, repeat her sad
story to Incredulous and scoilns husbands.
And in the beginning It love match says
the narrator with pensive sigh
How strange tho frequency with which love
matches deterorate into slugging Matches" COM
mcnts the listener. looking up at the lowering smoke
wreaths Don't 60 over 1t all again from the
beginning Ny nerves couldn't stand It, You stopped
last time Just where he using the carpet sweeper
or walt was It the fre-irons with ungentlemanly
violence Begin from the carpet sweeper From
which It Will be that the listener was an I'M
believing Thomas
Let me see Oh yee-snce then he really tried
TO choke hcr-that's quite truc-I saw the marks of
his fingers on her throat
That's the first really Objectionable thing I've
heard about him. continues the scofcr "When
mans fingers leave marks there is nothing for 1t but
divorce. You might interfere before It was too late
and send him a cake of sapoio. DO you suppose he'd
take the hint"
Il can assure you It's all true-1 saw the marks
al should think his repertoire was getting ex-
hausted There's not much moro left for him to do.
Suppose you send him book Chinese tortures
I've heard they're wonderfully ingcnious.'
II can't see how you can laugh Wait until you
see her and you'll be racked with sympathy"
"I'vc no doubt OF It, but Just I'm racked with
sympathy for him. I've book on the Spanish
Inqustlon that he might get useful hints FROM
i never knew such hearess man,
"Then there's ancient Roman history" dreamily
making rings, Nero-Nero and Calgulal Weren't
they given to handling their wives rather roughly
And there's always the Lives Of the Saints to fall
back on And you all say she's saint so there
would be something charmingly appropriate about
that
But SION after this the victim OF the bbulous
husband comes to stay with them She Is the gentes
saddcst demurest little creature I'm the world with
large, melancholy tender eyes and shy, mousc-lSe
manners 1t takes less than week to convert that
scorer. As soon as he becomes one of the dear
old friends" his doom IS sealed. When she tolls him
her sad history he thinks he IS the only man in
world to whom she has confded IT. He Is utterly
vanlushcd on the evening when to gentle
paniment Of becoming tears she tells him the epic
Of the carpetsweeper, followed by the lyric OF the
fire irons. HIS wife looks at first in pleased
triumph. For space she riots IN her victory and
exhibits the bcnignant, bcamng face of one who
Il told you So" But she experiences a change
OF sentiment. No more IS her blood delicIously
curdlod with tales of carpetsweepers and freirons
These all poured into her husbands " meek
attentive carr When she does hear them they como
from him.
Poor little thing, how much she has suffered"
says the man who talked of Nero and Caligua.
When her and tlckled sensation of triumph
passes away, the wife grows gradually angry. She
finds herself relcSated to the position OF goosebery.
and is reduced to sitting and looking at her
photograph albums, while the others talk in low
voices In the corner. At o O'Clock she stalks to
bed in a dlgnifed fury the lamp in her hand. In
her own room she grml- waits I'm dressing gown and
slippers and little fringe Of Dubious papillacs, her
watch on the table beside her. Downstairs the
converted scoffer and the victim of the carpesweeper
murmur In confidential duet. Her husbands laughter
breaks in occasionally, the laiy's following his lead.
In series of soft, silvcry runs An hour and half
later her husband, guilt at his soul which he at
tempts to overlap with jaunty afr OF artificial
nonchaance, enters her austere presence.
"What dearest up yet y In tones of socitride
JOhn7-sOlemuly-" when ara you going TO send
these books on Chinese torturcs to Mrs. Browns
husband! y
" ! don't know what you mean ~
g And the useful hints from the Spanish Inqulsi-
tlon?"
Really Maria, don't understand -
And Nero and Caligula, who handled their wives
roughly"
My dear"
"And the Lives OF the Saints, which would he en-
charmngy appropriate to Mrs. Brown who Is a
saint hc.sclf?'p