The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1888-11-15
YOU CANNOT KISS.
Yet Nearly Everybody Thinks They
Can.
From, the PHILADELPHIA Record.

From the Philadelphia Record
"Heyo! Mabel, where are you going?
F'Oh, so glad to see you, Grace, but hush y
and Mabel looked about to see if they were
alone. Satisfying herself, she assumed q
tragic tone and continued: "Grace, ! am
going to open my heart to you. / am going
to tell you that which have withheld from
my own parents. | am going to make OF
you my only confdant. l am going to tell
you a secret of the utmost Importance. You
must first swear by the ghost of your great
grandmother that you will never betrav my
confidence. If you do, it will ruin me
Grace, she drew herself up to her full
height and IN an imperious tone delivered
herherself- Grace, | am going to kissing
school,"
The awful secret fell upon Grace like a
long ton of coal, and for a moment she
seemed dazed. Mabel kept up frantic
gesticulation the while, saying that she
would do every thing rash and mean if her
secret should be exposed. There was look
of incredulity, W hispered consultation, a
gleeful clapping of gloved hands.
Hes SO handsome, Grace; won't you
come alongm And a moment later the two
light-hearted girls were tripping joyously up
Chestnut street, with deadly reporter hot
on their trail. Finally they arrived at the
place and went in, after looking cautiously
up aud down the street. The building was
an ordinary one, built of brick, three sto-
ries high, and looked as though it might be
the residence OF merchant.
PRONUNCIATION OF OSCULAToRY EXERCISES.
Half an hour later the girls having failed
to emerge, the reporter jerked the door-bell
and was answered by a handsome looking
woman.
sis this an institution for the promulga-
ton of osculatory exercises, or a establish
ment wherein may be had kisses ad libitum,
at so much per kissF asked the reporter.
"Oui monsieur, oui! viii monsieur walk
in ze parlour, for re present. Zs profess
saire, monsieur, Is engaged"
Monsieur walked into the parlor and
awaited the coming of the professor. He
appeared shortly from an upper apartment,
with the Misses Mabel and Grace in his COM
pany.
ooh, yes" said the professor, in answer
to the reporters question, "this is what we
cali a kissing school. You see l am an
American who has spent a number of years
abroad principally in Paris. was very
much surprised on arriving there to find
schools such as this one, which have just
established, very plentiful
KISSING Is A SCIENCE.
To be able to kiss well and put into the ac-
ton that gentle animation which must be
combined with willful resignation TO the
act Is a science over which very few people
in America have control All your Ameri-
can kissers do their kissing impulsively and
without considering the great advantage
and ethereal pleasure to be found in calm,
cool elaboration and generalization. My
wife, who is a native Of France, and who
was reputed TO be the most graceful kisser
in Paris. gave Young man his first lesson
in kissing the other day, and when the or
deal was over she nearly tainted. The poor
fellow grabbed her in his arms, squeezed
her almost to death and slobbered all over
her face, kissing her everywhere but on the
mouth. was afraid he was going to chew
her nose of.
PROFESSORS DO NOT GET JEALOUS.
"Say, professor, don't you get jealous"
"Mei Oh, mol You see II is a purely bust
ness transaction between my wife and the
young man who wants TO learn how to kiss,
and II find that she is putting any super
fiuous sentiment into his oscillations, he gets
the bounce. Very handsome young men in
Paris who came to our school used TO make
an impression on my wife, and she got
''nashed" on some of them. As a result,
bear scars upon my person that were re-
ceived in duels. or course, give the kiss
ing lessons to the girls, but l never allow
my destinations for some OF them to over
come my better judgment"