Charlotte messenger. [volume] (Charlotte, Mecklenburg Co., N.C.) 1882-18??, 1888-04-28
HuxoR OF THE DAY.

Working on shares-Plowman.
Signal Failures-Old Prob's pledic-
tions.
Some newspapers are too dull to Be
worth fling.
The paper-hanger makes money BY
going to the wall.
Female carpenters have appeared In
London. Plane women, probably.
Wouldn't it be sweet revenge to lick
the sugar trusti- Burlington Frss Pres.
An old whalesman being asked II be
admired the harp said yes, if it was
harpoon.
1t is not impossible 10 meet with
plump refusal from slender girl.-Nen
HareR Neses.
Time flies and stays for no man. The
only fellow who can beat it is the musi-
cian.. Merchant Trapelsr.
The electric light in cities Is very
great convenience, but drunken men
find it long distance between posts.-
Somerrille Journal.
Women are contradictory creatures.
When they say they will give you
piece Of their mind, they give you no
peace. - Yonkers Statesman.
"Do you attend any post Doctorl
You were in the army, were you noti"
"Oh, yes, attend post-mortems occa-
sionally. ."-Ns1 FORK JoWrRal,
The pale face, when his wife Is III,
BUYS tonic and elixir.
The Indian, when his squaw Is III,
Buys nothing, but he -licks 'er.
-Ddnsuiile Breeze
There's many a slip
'Twixt the cup and the lip"
Is saying that's frequently quoted;
But that cup 10 the lips,
Cause the worst kind OF slips,
Is q truth that's as frequently noted
Boston Budget.
Judge (to dude prisoner)-"What q
shame for well dressed. gentlemanly
follow like you to be arrested for yelling
on Fifth avenue OF II o'clock at night
What is your professionin Dude
''Howling SWELL" Judge-"Ten dol
lars. p lid Bits.
They have way out in Kansas of
bringing to time unruly members Of the
Legislature. Mr.. Funstan, member OF
the Committee on Agriculture, was late
at committee meeting, and the Chair
man fined him six cans Of corn.-Com-
mercial Adrertiser.
Mother-"What has become of Charliei
/ haven't seen him once this morning"
Daughter "He is in Uncle Johnsroom.
Uncle John is taking Charles photo
graph by the instantaneous process, and
that always takes him three or four
hours. "-1ssas Sylings.
''ln the spring a young mans fancy
lightly turns to thoughts Of love" Oh,
it does. ehi In the spring young mans
fancy doesn't do anything Of the sort. Il
turns 10 thoughts Of how he's going 10
get in about i've thousand hours OF four
hundred dollar-a-week fun into fourteen
days of ten dollar summer vacation.
A contemporary asks: ''How shall
women carry their purses TO Illustrate
thievesl" ''Why, carry them empty.
Nothing illustrates thief more than 10
snatch woman's purse, after following
, her half a mile, and then find that IL
contains nothing but a recipe for spiced
peaches and a faded photograph Of her
grandmother.
"You can take the Witness" said the
prosecuting attorney in trial before ap
Arkansas Court TO the defendants law
yer. Judge" exclaimed young man
in the back part Of the room. standing
up on a seat aud waving his hands wild
ly, ssdon't let him take heFl That wit
ness has been engaged 10 me for mcre'R
three years slm-ArkaRsas 7'raceicr.
"This Is queer looking building, snt
III" be asked, stopping In front Of .
house on Lafayette square. "ies, y
anita odd and oulte old. ~ aho ronllod.
evincing much interest. is Il very
old" "Oh. yes; very, very old. lean
remember when--er-sr--have you ever
noticed, Mr.. Do Smith, what beautiful
streets we have In washingtoql"-- WasAs
inotoH Critie.
Algy-'Do ynu think, my loYe. that
your father will consent 10 our marriage"
Angely-''0f course papa viii b very
sorfy to lose me, darling" Algy-"but
I viii say 10 him that, Instead Of losine
daughter. be will gain son. Ansely---
~ wouldn't do that, love, u you really
L.. 4 ~ ImI.