The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1888-09-14
WIT AND HUMOR.

tell you. Ethel Iain all ears, darling.
Maude-Ah, yuu admit it at lasts-
7ou,R Topics.
There ought to be Il law passed in
Connecticut that railway restaurant
keepers shall date their apple pies
SonterriNe Journal.
If one would see the world he must
go into the highways and byways,
though most of the buy ways now are
high ways.-New Orleans Picayune.
Smith "What. Moving again,
Jonesp" Jones (gloomily) Yes"
S.-.Had a fire in the house?n j.
mo; a fire out of the boston
Courier.
tSee here, waiter, I asked you for a
glass of milk" 81 know 1t, sir. That's
milk you have in the glass" 20! e1-
cuse me. l thought it was chalk-let."
-Harper's Basar.
Cholly-"I say, Binx, did you ever
witness a burial at seaPn Binx-"No.
never sawa burial, but we had a wake
behind us all the way over last trip"
-Horper's Bdzar.
Gazzam = Hello, Cumso, you look
entirely tagged out. What's the mat
teri: Cumso-O. nothing! A weeks
rest will set me Up. just back from
my vacation.-7Inte
C. o. johnson of Memphis, Tenn,
has cioped with his stenographcr.
This appears to have been more of a
rage .NorristoWn Herald.
Barber Ito customer whose face looks
as though he had undergone several
surgical operations)-fThat man who
shaved you lastmust havebeen Il fool"
Cuslomer.-sIIc was. | shaved my
self. -Nem York. ,Sun.
Father-Well, Thomas, YOU have
graduated from college and are now
ready for your life work. What will
be your tieldp Son (thoughtfully)-
Well, TO tell the truth, sir. it's q little
Time.
If there is anything that will bring
a young man down With his nose to
the grindstone of common sense it is
to see his best girl pinning the 50-cent
boquet, which he had presented her,
in the coat of q dude admirer.-FiaU
Ricer Aac0nce.
She Cat a garden partD-'Isn't that
young Prof. Brainfog coming this way,
Mr.. De snappye" H~e-"Yaa'as, Miss
Maude. Shall I present him?" She
20, dear, no. l think young men
with brains, Mr.. De Snappy, are such
a bore. "-Epoch.
.Of all seasons of the year, DR..
Diagnosis" she said to Il young physi-
clan who was helping her look at the
moon (which do you most prefer?n
II think l prefer the watermelon sea-
son. he replied in q low business tone
of voice.-Epoch.
.'In Joking says the Russian law.
"bc careful of religion, politics, Off
cials, the law, your neighbors. the
Cars highways, and the weather,
which is made for all.' The Russian
therefore jokes himself to be safc.-
Detroit Free Press.
She (sentimentally)-1n the spring
all nature smiles. the birds WOO, low
crs kiss, but all! then comes winter.
He-I know some things that kiss all
the year around and never change.
She-Impossible! What9 He Calmly
Billiard bal!s.-Ifne.
She's u polite little girl and knows
English perfectly Glow sop 81
told her That loved her, and she said
had better make an immediate de-
parture for the locality whichis famous
for being macadamized with good in
tentions n-1oWR Topics.
When \ MA is pointed out to you
as an advanced thinker take a long
look Mt him. The difference between
an advanced thinker and an advanced
cgotist is 10 slight that either one of
them 4 Gene under the head of
'.idiot."- Detroit Free Press.
A man who steps upon a banana
skin when descending u flight of steps,
and suddenly finds himself at the bot
tom, differs from a gentleman gazing
upon Niagara, in that one starcs at
the Falls and the other falls at the
stairs.-Journai Of ERacatiou.
An exchange oun that '.bath-
ing dresses have no bustles.n There
are some things impossible, and a
bathing dress with a hustle is one of
them. A bustfu might have Il bathing
dress, however. bu. it would entirely
conceal the dress.-Noa1iStoWn Herald.
Miss Rural - (~watching the prom-
enaders)-Who is that curious little
man-almost Il dwarf? Mrs. Mciropole
(shocked)-Why, my dear. that's HUI
bert Highlife. He's the upper crust.
Miss Rural-He lisp Then they put in
a great deal too much Shortening
Time.
Elderly lady (to platform guard in
Boston Which car do ! wanttotake?
Polite railroad man-You will pardon
me, madam, for answering your ques-
ton with another, but the solution of
the proposition depends, to a somewhat
broad extent, on where you wuntto 90.
Time.
"Did you kill that mangn asked the
prosecuting officer of a man who was
on trial for murder. Yes, sir; but it
was in self-defence.n II presume so.
Such affairs usually are. What neces-
sity was there for you to defend your
self from him?n Ale was my cook
Merchant TraucIe1.
A reporter connected with one of
our leading daily papers canvassed a
train the other morning as to what
paper vas altogether the most popular.
His w journal received four votes,
while the remaining sixty-two were
evenly divided, being wallpaper and
fly paper.-Harpcr's Basmr.
care you admiring the new moon,
Miss Clarap" lie said as he came softly
up from the gate. YES. Mi. Sqmp-
son, l have been gazing at it so long
that my neck fairly aches" ''You
shouldn't try to look at it Alone" he
said, tenderly, and then he sat down
and dividedthe labor.-NeW York Sun.
"No, Mr.. Smith," she said gently
but firmly, II Il never he y%ourwife.'
Then he struggled to his feet and said
in broken tones: care all my hopes
to be thus dashed to pieces? Am ]
never to be known as The husband OF
the beautiful Mrs. Smithp" This was
too much for the girl and she succumb-
ed. -Hayper'S BaEar.
Judge-Solomon Moses, why did YOU
kill Israel Sulomons, Your bosom
friend. in the menagerie at Contra.
ParkP" S. Mile insooited me kroos.
ly. Chudge. Judge-In what way:
| - No yJS paFnrn fn ha1nahrr.