Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1888-03-02

Man proposes but the girl disposes.
TINE is really in the hands of the
clock.
We are all fortune tellers. That is,
We can tell a fortune when We see it.
Wo2Ea are the best detectors Of
counteits when the counterfeits are not
men
AT the club-@What a bloated face
Van SwilLer has" Yes; a regular gin
phiz.
TEE pugilist who struck preacher
claims to be an expounder Of the gos-
pel-4rcOld Record.
FRIGHT hand to your partner, as
the printing-ottice devil remarked IN
handing the scissors to the editor
Carl Pretzel.
IT is no use for piano to be square
or upright. Mr.. Ialmage is authority
for saying that there viii be none of
them in heaven
BEss-What a bathing costume
Why, you are half naked, Jess. = ess-I
don't care fig! Bess-Well, care a
fig leaf. at least!
WAITER Ito Colonel Clueby, who has
absent-mindedly given him his key
ring for a tip - cuse me, boss, but
dis yere quarters punched.
@WHAT's the matter, Pat? Got
hurt p "Sure an L turned me ankle
last Saturday. and it's meself that's
travelled on three legs ever since.
THERE is a man in New York who
has been angry for thirty years on a
stretch. 1t IS the worst case Of stand
ing choler that we ever knew. 81 it
iItgs.
IAN Ohio genius will shortly patent
an incubator which Will shortly turn
out broiled chickens" Can the IN
known be ex-President Hayes ?-Ieras
SytiHgs.
as THERE any difference in the mean
ing of the words nautical and ma
rine' ?" asked Mrs. McCorkle of Mrs.
Eangle. @NO, ;" was the reply; zone is
a cinnamon Of the other"
PHYSICIANS now claim that there is
great virtue in onions. Onions are
strong enough to be virtuous; especi-
ally the old-time red variety, which are
surely able to withstand all tempta-
tlOns.-ATbdHsdJU ITGrl Ter.
DoCToR-Did you say to your hus-
band, Mrs. Hendricks, that, if agree
able to him, 1 would send bill for ser
vice rendered during his recent severe
llness2 Mrs. Hendricks-Yes, doctor
and he thought you had better wal
until he gets little stronger. Life.
A CONNECTICUT woman has embroid
cred the words and music of Home
Sweet Home" on a linen sheet Whicl
Is on the spare-rOom bed. Her guest
have not decided whether the hostes
means to indicate that they must fee
at home, or had better go home.-BOs
ton TTaUeller
A WOMAN with her first baby bange
on her female neighbor's door the othe
morning, about the time old topper
crawl ont to hunt their morning cheer
and shrieked out, excitedly: Com
over as soon as you get your breakfast
if the baby hasn't got q tooth Pm
liar I~-IerGs SgtiHgs.
WE are informed by an exchang
that the Kentucky State-House is stl
heated by wood fires in open fireplaces
Previously we had entertained tn
notion that the building was heated b.
individual firearms; but kentucky al
ways has been willing to waste con
siderable heat on legislation Neu
HGUsJL NelCs.
MICKEY FREES EXPLANATION.
The Eayson tia hard, says my friend Micks
To prsyint min from seIIin' the eraytnur.
Makes me- think OF a lit OF story, says he,
That's jist ia accord Wild min 3 naythur.
I once had a friend. his front name was Pat
gem Of thu Imsral isle.
For sthealing pig. went through the Court
jig
In the regular aud Irish atyls---
though not very Ions. tha ease % WAS strong,
Eq1 BIZ tlall that four legged mate;
li. - Sc looked sly, aud held his head higl
When the jury returned to their safe.
The judge looked at thin, the jury at him.
-Fhlfs the NeralekI' thin came his request
Up ross Jimmy hourke, 3 foreman he spoke
BEN taller than AL Of the rest;
Your honor wel knows the evidence shows
Plat trouble there is Wid our Pat
But not helm there don't know what 8 fan
So the jury release him from that"
Whln Mkt saw the bye. wild q wink ia me eye
How ye bate your way out Of courEr'
Thin he said wild a grin, and quare look o
him
whist the jury had part Of the pork
a. -ifall-zLL LA d