The National tribune., 1888-11-15
OUR MAJOR
We Had Him Married to Save Our
selves.



"Tn tell you what it is, Meares, can't stand
this any longer
The sneaker. Lieut Henderson, Y Battery,
r Brigade Royal Artillery, was sitting in an
easv-chair. with his feet repOsing on the back
Of another Dinner was over, and the sound
Of the Majors Tetreating footsteps could still
he heard on the cracking boards Of the passage
that led 10 his quarters. We had no captain
belonging 20 the battery. as was the usual fate
of the garrison artillery at that time and so
the Major, Henderson, and myself were the
only officers IN the mess.
We were chartered in Fort Tourgis, Alder
new having been transported thltheF from
Guernsey a month before IN her Majesty
gunboat Dasher-an old paddle steamer which
was bought some 80 years ago by the Govern
ment from q southampton company, and which
was still considered sound enough for her
duties. which latter consisted In transporting
troops from one Of the Channel Islands to an
other and capturing French hshing-b0ats when
they were unhappy enough to be found WITHIN
the charmed limit Of British waters. Sorely
had the battery as q whole objected to the
transfer from the society and civilization OF
Guernsey 10 the barren rocks Of the sister
island. where we got our mails and news twice
p week il the weather were calm, and not at
all if there were a gale. If the move had oc-
CURED iu The ordinary course OF events, no one
would have grumbled, but there were certain
rumors IN currency to the effect that II had
been privately arranged by the Major himself,
partly because be had personal reasons OF his
own for avoiding Guernsey for the present, and
part1v because he knew that in Attorney he
would be free from the active supervision OF
the officer commanding the artillery in the dis
trict, and able consequently 10 carry out, with
out let or hiudr2nce, his own peculiar views as
to the management Of a battery. As conse-
ouence, every annoyance, discomfort, or other
evil arising from the change of station was with
admirable unanimity ascTibed alike by officers
snd men to their one common bugbeaT-the
Major.
doubt if there were ever a man more cor
daily disIiked than he; and yet strangers in
Rariably took a fancy TO him, and with some
reason, for he was a clever man and IN many
ways q kindly one He was good-looking,
wore an eve-glass. more for ornament than use,
as his ewes were sharp enough I'VE all knew that
TO our cost, and was the right side Of 40 years
Of age. Little wonder then that the susceptl-
bic female population Of Guernsey had made
dead set at him during his stay there, and had
at last fairly frightened him out Of the Island.
For an unmarried Major Of the r. A. is not to
be seen every day. One fault be had, and that,
in the eyes Of those whose evil fortune brought
them under his immediate orders was suth-
Gent to outweigh a whole bushel Of virtues.
He was possessed with demon-the demon OF
red tspel
IveriIv believe that, had he been in the ago.
mics Of drowning and had gunner Of his bat
terry pulled him out of the water (which / am
quite convinced no man of the battery would
have done) his first spoken utterance would
have been TO make his preSeTyer prisoner Tor
wearing bis forage cap an inch and half over
his right eyebrow IN place Of the regulation
inch From morningtil night mis- whole time
was spent in enforcing absolute correctness, and
uniformly upon both officers and men. On one
celebrated occasion he had gone round the bar
rack rooms with lantern at midnight to see
that, according 10 his orders, every man slept
on his right side and hung one sock over each
OF the Uprights at the head of his bed. No
doubt he would have continued his nightly
rounds, but, fortunately, the matter came TO
the COlOnels ears and he issued peremptory
order prohibiting any interference in future
with the natural rest Of the men. As to the
drills the pipeclaying, the measurements of the
stripes Of trousers and the bands of forage caps,
that went on daiiy-our lives were full Of moth
ing else. When that terrible eyeglass went up,
the soul Of the boldest quaked within him, and
the very dogs SUNK away, lest their tails
should be trimmed 10 regulation length. Since
the battery had moved 10 Attorney, things had
grown worse than ever, for now we had no Col
OnS at hand to whom TO appeal. and no redress
for our wrongs. It was no wonder that Hen
dersou's patience had come TO an end, and that
he had made the announcement with which
this tale begins, that he could stand it no
longer"
Has anything new happened?" asked 7, re-
signedIy.
Yes Sergeant Hicks the
only good nOn-commissioned officer we had left
IN the battery, hes Just applied for his dis
charge. The Major ordered him out of bed
last night to dress the tubs in the passage
outside the barrack rooms. He said two Of
them were out of line with the rest, and il was
q disgrace 10 the service. l suppose that was
the last straw 10 poor Hicks; anyhow he gave
in bis application for discharge this morning"
Lucky man said I. a. only wish could
do likewise, but have no pension IN prospect
as be has. What are We to do Henderson We
have year Of AIdeTney before u.s. and by that
time We shall al be IN our graves If this goes on
We can't well mutiny, and it is against my
conscience to poison the Major, though l am
sure I could do it without being found out. If
only he had married Mrs. Wilcox when he was
at Guernsey. / believe she would soon have
cured him Of his monOmania, for / am sure it is
nothing else"
BY Jove. cried Henderson, jumping up.
j believe you have hit il, Meares! Suppose
we marry him TO Mrs. Wilcox ="
- ] wish We could" said I laughing; "but
i should like 10 know how you propose to set
about it."
81 have an idea" said Henderson, +" but it
will require thinking out. Are not The Foxes
here relations OF Mrs Wilcox"
Mrs. Fox is her sister believe" said l.
She would be glad enough to get the Major
into the family. But ] don't see how she can
help you"
90, however, plainly enough. Meares,
would you be willing TO sacrifice the Memo for
the sake Of getting the Major married ?"
Rather said ]. " She won't be Of much
use TO as here, where the tides run seven knots
an hour"
The Memo, ! may here observe, was a little
cutter yatch Of some four tons, which Hender-
son and / had purchased when at Guernsey.
We had got her at q great bargain, as the
builder had made her on a principle of his
own for racing purposes, and she had turned
out failure SO far as speed was concerned. sc
that he soon tired Of her and sold her to US for
rs Guernsey currency lE24 Engish). We
named her the Memo rs a delicate hint TO the
Brigade Major, who was IN the habit Of writing
constant memoranda to the officers in the dis
trict; and 10 emphasize our meaning We de-
signed q racing flag which might be heraldically
described as Or, on a shield sable a scroll
argent. Motto By order" Under this fas
we raced the yacht IN the local regetta, and by
dint OF carrying more sail than any other crew
dared to show, succeeded in winning a third
prize We left the yacht at Guernsey wheI
rraovo1 Ia l6arrHF- fFf4r1d5rrr 10 hove H.