News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1888-06-28
THE POISON SEASON.

THE POISON SEASON.
"And so the ice cream season is again
upon us, George" she said shyly.
"Yes," he responded, 81 never pick
up a paper now that [ do not expect to
find some awful case of poisoning"
EMBARRASSED.
Jinks was young man who had been
married a year, and he was telling a
friend how diffident he was when single
"Were you much embarrassed when
you popped the question:" asked his
friend.
Embarrassed. Well, should say I
was. I owed 81, 500 for board and
clothes and one thing or other, and
didn't have a darned cent to pay it
with. ."-Teras Siftings.
TOO MUCH FOR THE HUB.
Customer Ito Boston Barber)-W What
has become of that New York man you
had last week He was the best barber
I ever saw.
Boston Barber-Yes, he was an artist;
but he persisted in saying "nex' gent
for ''next gentleman" and had to let
him go.
IOO FULL.
At lecture by the celebrated B.
'ttHow full he is of his subject, re-
marked listener.
''True," was the criticism of another;
"but how slow he is in emptying him
self. "-JudQe.
COMFORTING.
Tom-Got a toothache2 Why don't
you have it out?
Bob-Well, [ don't mind having leg
off-but tooth, it
Tom-Well, have a leg off, then-it
Will take your mind off the TOOTH
Life.
A MISTAKE.
Examiner Ito graduating medical stu
dent)-If you should make O mistake
and give patient an overdose of tartar
emetic, what would you do?
Student-Try to buy up the coroner.
- Chicago Tribune.
IDEAS TOO Low.
''I want to put up about a five thous-
and dollar house on that vacant lot, " he
said to the contractor. "Can you un-
dertake the job2"
"Well, guess so. About how much
do you want to pay2''
"Why, $4,000"
sIt can't be done. A S., 900 house will
cost you $1,000
UNLUCKY.
Hotel CIerk-Front! Show Mr.. Hay
seed up to No. 13!
Mr.. Hayseed-Thirteen is an unIucky
number, Mister!
Hotel Clerk-Well, you may pay be-
fore you retire, if you ikel
IN IMPERIAL CIRCLES.
Emperor Francis Joseph-Is the army
in barracks, Duke?
Du6e-Yes, sire.
''The ammunition Obtained?"
'FPlenty, sire"
''Ihe artillery"
''All tested, sire. +"
care the fortresses manned2"
.'Fully garrisoned, sire
''Then everything is on a war foot
ing?''
''Quite so, sire"
"God be praised! Now am pre-
pared for peace
DISAPPOINTMENT.
met her in the giddy whirl,
She struck me as pretty girl;
And now I've made her mine for life
She strikes me as an angry wife.
UNsYNIPATHETIC.
Piffley-Ya-as, I'm raising mus
tache.
Bifiey-Well, you had better raise Is
cents.
Piffiey-What for?
Biffley-For a shave.
LIGHTNING.
Bob-I tell you the new teacher is
Bill-No, he amt, lightning never
strikes twice in the same place.
When lady condescends to prac-
tical joke it generally is q very neat one
M. Boncourt, the rich financier, was very
stingy to his wife in the matter of pin
money. One day lady, closely yelled,
and very anxious not to be recognized,
called upon him and borrowed q large
sum, leaving her diamonds as O pledge.
1t was his wife.
A GOOD SEAT.
One Sunday, as a certain minister was
returning homeward, he was accosted
by an old woman, who said :"Oh, sir, we'll
do like the day that you preacb!" The
minister was aware that he was not very
popular; and he answered: MY good
woman, am glad to hear it. There are
too few like you. And why do you like
when preach?" "Oh, sir" she replied, |
when you preach I always get a good
seat"
TOOK IT.
The late Mrs. Proctor, having once
met Sydney Smith in company with
Macaulay, afterwards observed that she
had been disappointed by the historians
silence. We'll, said Sydney, the only
opportunity l gave him you took"