The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1888-03-15
WIT AND HUMOR.

hesitate" Perhaps that IS why so few
men are in any haste to pay their bills.
Boston Post.
..tWho is that man?" "Hes the SER
want of old Smith, the undertaken"
'Ah! then he's the valet of the shadow
of death. "-IoUra Topics.
The Transcript speaks of the turtle
as taking leading part at dinners.
We thought he generally appeared as
a supe.-BoSton Bulletin.
A man does well in this world when
he holds his own. He should never try
| to hold all that belongs to the bar
| keeper.-Nec0 Orleans Picayaoae.
Friend to Congressman's wife-Is
| your husband a man of sedentary
habits? Wife-Of course not. He
has not touched drop for fifteen
! years. Washington Critic.
Blobson, who never goes out or
comes in without falling over an
antique jar or piece of bronze, persists
| in calling his wife's collection ''break-
| your-back. Burlington Free Press.
Young Mr.. Waldo Cat the opera, to
Miss Breezy of Chicago)-Isn't that
lady seated Immediately behind US
| eating peanuts? Miss Breezy-9es,
and isn't the odor delicious?-M Y
/ Sun.
Caligula once spent 100000 on a
single supper. So history says. The
truth probably is that he spent 500 on
the supper and handed over the
rest as tips to the waiters.-Bahinsore
| american.
If Jay Gould visits Austria the En-
| peror can do no less, in recognition OF
| his merits, than make him Knight OF
the Golden Fleece. AS a fleecer jay
has always been great success
Syracuse Herald.
A sportsman is man who spends all
day away from his business, 81 for
powder and shot, and comes home at
night tired, hungry, and ugly, drag
ging 14-cent rabbit by the ears
Derter (Me.) Gazette.
so that is Carlisle, is it?" said a
Washington visitor to his guide. Eyes,
sir" '.Well," said the visitor, turning
away, she may be a great writer, but
| it's outrageous the way he used to use
his poor little wife. The Epoch.
A copy of Eliot's Indian Bible was
sold at auction recently in Boston for
s210. The high value placed upon this
book at the Hub is owing to the fact
that the word ''Mugwump" was de-
rived therefrom.-NeUY York World.
did 1 understand you to say"
asked the pastor, 'that you were GO
ing to reform or had reformed?"
Both" said the young man, 81 did
reform last year and this year L am
trying to reform the reformation. -
Bardette.
We are getting tired of reading
about the "V-shaped corsage." Give
some other letter chance. Is Y the
only shape that combines the greatest
area of exposure with the most perfect
sense of modesty?-Martha's Vineyard
Herald.
Virgins has recently predicted that
| there would be 10 more earthquakes
for sixteen years, but evidently over
looked the Presidential election and
John L. Suilivan's victorious return
from several foreign shores. -Ne,0
RdUeR NeaOS.
What do you want the girls to
| NedI dG y ouI IcCcpliOu! dShtu Il
prospective guest of vivacious leader
most exquisite dressing" was the re-
ply, land mighty little of that. -
Pttsburg Dispatch.
w. d. Howells says that no mans
character is formed until he has been
tried by the woman he loves. This idea
is much more pleasantly expressed than
it would have been by open a.iusion to
the question of who shall build the
morning fires.-Omaha Bee.
"And so your dear husband has
gone to Heaven?" well, | can't say
positively as to that. He didn't let on
where he was going. l guess he thought
il best to keep sort O quiet or some of
his creditors might get on to his tracks"
Boston Transcript.
An artist once gave a little supper
at his studio, and he put in his invita-
ton B. S. c. V. The letters puzzled
some people, who found when they
went to the supper that they meant:
Bring some cold victuals San
francisco Chronicle.
A young preacher picked UP Bishop
Pierce'S hat and put it on his own head,
and it was exactly a fit. "Why,
Bishop" said he, your head and mine
are exactly the same size" YES"
replied the Bishop, ION the outside"
Little Rock Methodist.
Dora Have you heard the latest en-
gagement? Flora-O, you mean Miss
Blanks. That is nothing new. She
has been engaged before. Nora
(whose father is in the real-estate bust
ness)-I hear that she had the refusal
of six men!-JeOtsh Messenger.
Did you ever 90 tobogganing, Mr..
Winterwheat?" NO" said the old
man, "but once stepped into the ele-
vator well and fell down four stories
in three-tenths of a second. That is
fast enough for me; Pm getting too
old for much excitement. "-Burdette.
Omaha man-"Is Kansas CITY as
full of real-estate agents as ever?" Re-
turned trayeler-''M of the
offices are closed" What has be-
come of them?" Well, | don't know.
of course, but there is good deal of
sand-bagging going on down there. y
Omaha World.
1t is rumored that Mr.. Lowell is re-
vising his courtship poem, in which
''Zeke peeped thru the winder." This
particular line will read: Ezekiel
| glawnced through the easement, don't
| cher know" Mr.. Lowell is either in
England or will sail for there shortly
TIE Epoch.
Miss Polly iof Nevada)-I was sur
prised to hear of your engagement
with Bill Founders, Kitty. / thought
you intended to refuse himo Miss
Kitty did intend to, Polly, but he
got the drop on me and l had to say
yes. Bill is the quickest man with a
gun west of the Missouri. -Epoch.
Piercing cold, isn't it?" he said to
his neighbor on the cars. Yes
Gold huff to freeze a man to death,
isn't it?" That's according. If he
| bod fah 70, h;- e., l.