The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-08-08
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

Maid to order--A servant girl.
The man with twins is deucedly happy.
How to make the most of yourself-Pad.
A sonny retreat-A boys orphan asy-
lum.
A crown jowel-The bump of con-
In Boston the horse-fiddle is called the
"equine violin"
The topmost crag is soar spot for the
American eagle.
A middle man appears to be a central
figure in trade circles.
When an aeronaut smokes in his bal
loon he takes an aerolite.
The greatest hard-ships in the world
are England's ironclads. - Ocean.
The Englishman who said that hug
ging was "armless " was wrong. 1t Is
'armful.
The most successful dentist must ex-
pect to run against snag occasionally.
-NorthUeSteTH.
A two-year old boy can be kept quiet
for minute and a half if you give him
hammer and a mirror.
To write a good story for the public
man must have a good upper story OF his
own.-Nolo orleans PicdyuRe.
Says the weighing machine to the
nickel: "While you're round this way
drop in."-Detr0it Free Press.
A Boston girl attended a cooking school
and became so infatuated with the cul-
mary art that she married supe.
Fortunately for the esteem of the rest
of mankind doctors are not half as wise
as they look. -Ldianapolis Journal
Funny, isn't it, that after a man has
once given his word he should try 80
hard to keep it.-S,. Adams Messenger.
Did it ever occur to you that, although
the bass drum don't make good music, 1t
browns heap of bad2-IOtedo Blade.
The Chicago girls foot has disappeared
from the paragraph column and there ls
a mighty big hole to till.-BoSto" Courier
Our Congressman are worthy souls,
With more or less of lustre;
They may not fill a long felt want,
But they can tlliouster-
Mercury
History repeats itself over and over.
We often hear of the seaman who is Able
being knocked out by hurricane. -
Ocean.
1t is one of the peculiarities of things
in general that the freshest men gener-
ally tell the stalest stories. Bangor Com
nerciat.
There are few things in life moro
touching than the umbrella of an aver
age citizen in the art gallery. .-BariH9-
ton Free Press.
Out West limburger cheese trust has
been formed. There's trust that cor
tainly will be in bad odor with the peo-
pie. = IoLsdO Blade.
The ross is blooming in the glade,
Wherein the lily mods;
And Patrick, with a shining spade,
Iswhacking down the sods.
II all men knew as much as most men
think they know, the encycloped peo-
pie would be driven out of the business.
-SOmerUHe Journal.
The two indianapolis militiamen who
wouldn't pay for their street-car ride
doubtless consider that the brave deserve
the fare. COurier-JOarRaL
Wife CLUB night t)-"Will you be home
early to night, Johnp Husband
"Ye'es, | think so, but don't keep break
fast waiting for me."-NtO York. Sun.
A cynic says: "If the ancents be.
lieved the earth was square they never
could have got the idea from the deal.
ings of its inhabitants with each other"
| A man can master the free lunch route,
And a man can carry the banner,
| But he can't sew the rip in his Sunday coat
Because he isn't built in that manner,
-New York MercurK
nL...,.;,,, f,,ol,;,o, HE haaJ in al the
| nursery door "Hulloa What's going
on in here, now2n Layina who is dress
| ing their little ones feet "Baby's sock,
papa. "-Dstrob Free Press.
There is no Spanish Cabinet, the Min
| isters having resigned. This crisis occurs
at an unfortunate period, as the King Is
extremely busy teething just now, and
cannot be interested in State matters.-
| Rochester Post Express.
'Don't you singl" inquired the musical
Young lady of the new arrival at the
| hotel: "why, how stupid of youm ''If
/ you'd ever heard me try, said the young
| man, with an accent of conviction, you'd
think it was everlasting smart of me. "
When Arthur was n very small boy his
/ mother rcprimanded him one day for
some misdemeanor. Not knowing it, hiS
father began to talk to him on the same
subject. Looking up in his face, Arthur
said solemnly: MY mother has tended
/ to me-"
Together they dined and he bored her with
signs,
With bashful advances and dull sheepish
eyes:
They dined upon quail and she oswears by the
moon,
She'll not dine again upon quail with spoonl
"Doctor-(who has been taking a dis
pensary patients temperature Now,
nay good women, how do you ieelf"
Patient (eyeing the thermometer with
considerable awe)-"Much better, thank
We. Sure an that's wonderful thing
that'll help body so quick !'-Jadge.
After a person has a fountain pen
kicked endwise through his chest by the
animal 10 which he has awarded the
prize, and later on has his features
worked up into a gibbet-pie by the owner
of the animal to whom he did not award
the prize, he does not ask for further
public recognition at the hands Of his
fellow farmers. The World,