New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1888-12-16
WEDDING STORIES.
FUNNY EPISODES AT THE ALTAR.

FUNNY EPISODES AT THE ALTAR.
| From The CorhilL
Timothy Duggan was stcvedore, perhaps SIX feee
two IN height and proporonately broad He appeared
as bridegroom the bride a charming young per-
of en9 and T SG We e cve be e ot 20
| each other I'm the prescribed manner
SAY after me- said to Timothy, 4 Timothy"
say after me,' repeated the parson, "'I Tins
Timothy was still silent, a puzzled look creeping
say after me,S said for the third time, with.
perhaDs. q shade of annoyance.
After you, sr,' responded Timothy, with the po'
lltest possible duck of his bullet head
But this Indifference 20 the rubfcs IS so great that
upon the injunclon, Place the ring on the third fin
GER have more than once seen the bride groom cap
It upon the third finger Of his own hand with all me
conplacency in the world. once detected brides
groom endeavorng TO force the ring on TO the bride
been making merry before coming TO church that morn
ing. The same excuse could not he oheIed ior
not even sulhy ." l WILL The situation was be-
coming most embarrassing, when the solitary brides
maid-his sister casually Observed - E's lltt.o
ard of earring, sir" The was stone deaf yet
they had not thought II 10 .e ons larson
service, what DID 1t matterl
But the marriage service from first TO last IS full
Of pitfalls for the unearned man. In some cases 10
becomes painfully clear that the contracting parties
recognize but few of the words they are hidden To
as their iinperiec; knowledge will permit The words
have and to hold' ought TO be simple enough, but,
a matter of fact, they afe the subjects OF some
founding bluDdeIs. | remember one bridegroom
who had brought very charming young bride to
church, and perhaps regarded her thing of beauty
to be I'm his home a 10y for ever rendering TO have
and hoLio to have and behold" Another. who
possibly had to dread the fate of Mr.
Caudle. struck out entirely new version. and faith:
fully promised to have and be told" To love and
to cherish" is another frightfu stumbling block =" To
love and be cherries" the nearest to the original
of many variations popular among the males of that
parish. The brides were happy with the familiar
rendering TO love cherries and to bar' Gods holy
ordnance tnpped up many. Holy orders was con-
Plight thee my trofh' and give thee my troih7 werS,
imagine. words of foreign sound and well remember
one young person, who was wedding most vllanous-
looking fellow changing her statement into thereto
give thee my throat.' There was, perhaps.
unconscious prophecy wrapped up in that promise
The word; accompanying the delivery Of the ring
are as everybody knows, the subject OF some char
acteristc plumbers. l never heard some of the mors
elaborate distortions credited to countrymen, but
people nObly distinguished themselves over the clause
with al my worldly goods thee endow.' They
never blundcied APPLY the forune-hunter who,
In wedding an herss, unwittingy said, with all nv
Produce similar sound with sublime indifference
to sense Il thee and thou" thee do bow II
thee allow" the most popular of these versions
Of intelligence with which some of the poor regard
the services Of the Church than the fact that once
upon time | came upon youthful curate solemnly
and dcvourly marrying the father of bridegroom
to the mother Of his bride In the presence OF thelr
about in this way; 1t was Christmas morning
NAMED for the honeymoon. seven or eight couples
While one cnrae registered the COUPLES in the vestry
petition as Slight stuttcr would permit The Old
parish clerk. with his LIST of names, called up tho
highcOntTacting parties the turn of each came
supernended the whole proceedings. In the vestry
were two young people being registered whose names
were, let us say, Jones and Smith. Coming around
TO the chancel again, one was little surprised TO
find the old clerk nquiling roag the con eregation
for Mr.. Smith and Mrs. Miss Jones. When
next looked in his direction h. had brought up 10
the chancel steps a gentleman well stricken n years
and dressed in sleeved walStcoat The bride was
broad comedy woman whose turucd-up sleeves left
bare two monStrouS crimson arms. Oppressed BY an
uncomfortable suspicion hurried 10 the vcstry and
there found the young people. Jones and Smith. Jus,
paying the fees.
Z is your father herel said to the bridegroom.
Yes, sr'
as your mother hero''- the bride.
"Now.n said to Jones the younger, "look through
this door and tell me If that IS your father boins
married there"
spection. he's having II read over to him."
"Is your mother ave?"
"Shc's i'm church"
II was the work OF an instant 10 rush around and
stop the service. But when the people dragged
asunder, Jones the elder, in reply to indignant
" Well, he' indicating the pentent clerk with Jerk
of his grimy thumb told us to como this ways
That couple had been charged by mention OF tho
dreadful day OF judgment, when the secrets OF all
hearts shall be disclosed TO whether they knew
any impeachment why they might not lawfully be
joined togethsr, In matrimony and they heard It IN
Of the other I have often wondered how far they
would have gone without rcmonstrance Perhaps
the demand for a ring would have piecipitatcd the
crisis. There is legend told In great Yorkshin,
town the effect that after several couples had been
simultaneously married at the parish church. ono
another lady or his The curate, summoned
10 her aid. demonstrated with the defaulter. and
tesoTsht him 10 take ms proper partner ,ss ",
t'best., There is no reason why this should not %
sober truth.