The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1888-08-29
HUMOR OF THE DAY.


The dressmaker.
If all things are well that end we'll,
how about the hornet2
NO." said the butter ball; "these are
not hard times with me-"
Always sat par:" Ma, when pa stays
out too late at the lodge.
A silent partner is all right when he
doesn't want to have the whole say.
When yoa lend anybody your fan, you
give them a sort of palm leaf to use 1t.
Some men are good because goodness
pays best, and then, again, some are good
for nothing.
1t is difficult for a sailor to make
tiler of the soil. He can make it of
wood, though.
Mrs. Bernard Beere, the eminent
actress, is coming to America, but not in
schooner, as has been alleged.
1t is a lack of artistic taste and feeling
that prompts an old man with red
whiskers to wear a jet-black wig.
If ones creditors are adamant, sum-
mer ought to be good time to ask ia
vors, for all are in a melting mood.
'Yes, sir, I've walked where formerly
rode, and I've saved enough money by
the operation to have my shoes resoled."
-Nelo York Ners.
Mrs. jerks (at dinner)-"Would you
like some of this oyster plant, Mr.. Primp
Prim-"No, thank you; Pm strict
vegetarian. ."-LJe.
Some one has asked "Where do flies
go in winter" We don't know, but we
wish they would go there in summer
Baltimore american.
Blobson-'Don't you think that
Dempsey rather plays the fool2" Popin-
iay-INo, sir; i think that he works at
the job. Burlington Free Press.
Street Lady-"Will you spend the
summer in Washington, Mrs. Hardupg"
Mrs. HI suppose so. It's all I've
got to spend. p Washington Critic.
Customer getting his hair CUT
"Didn't you mp of piece of the ear
then" Barber (reassuringly)-"Yes,
sir, small piece, but not 'nough to af-
feet the hearin', sir."-SVting'.
A Lucid Explanation: Teacher Ito
class)-"In this stanZa what is meant by
the line, The shades of night were {attl7
ing fast p" Bright Scholar-"The peo-
pie were pulling down the blinds
Maude Cbeforc tire laughing hyena's
cage)- How meant Here we've been
twenty minutes and the hyena hasn't
laughed oncem strange, and he's
been eyeing your new hat, too Thine.
"Talk of mothers-in-law and sons-in-
law not agreeing,n remarked Titmarsh.
"My mother-in-law and l agree. She
saws l ought not to have married her
aud I coincide with har
Mercury.
"This butter is really offensive to the
SMELL" observed the two-dollar-and-a-
half boarder "Well, what's that got to
do with it!" remarked the landlady.
Sensible folks eat butter and don't
smell it,"
Bishop (on his semi-annual round)-
"And do you remember me Bobby"
Bobby-"Oh, yes, sir you are the gentle
man ma scolded pa about because you
smoked in the parlor and nearly ruined
the curtains. ."-Epoeh.
A little girl in Lewiston, Me-, who
was i'll the other evening, called her
mother to her bedside and said piteously:
mamma, | am awful sick; | just swal-
lowed upward, " and her mamma sympa-
thized with her. r.-AeD YOrk Neics.
Agent" Madam, can't you induce
your husband to take out life insurance
policy for $1o, 600 in your benefit"
Madam" I'll try; but have my doubts
about the benefits Johns got the con-
stitution of an oX."-HaTper's Bazaar.
There was a tramp, graceless scamp,
of cheek he had a lot; he stole each
meal, and once did squeal; "A cucum-
s,,t h, s..I,t h,, L.
in fright and anguish sad to see; he
roared IL pain, then did eXclaim: "That
cucumber's got mel"
She wanted TO take lessons in archery,
but was very, very yerdent. "lIave you
bow and quivcr!n - asked the teacher.
'Ye-ye-yes, she hesitated, - have
a beau, but haven't quiver any more.
He's been coming for two months now,
and I'm used to il. - Washington Critic.
Down in Marblehead harbor the other
cay 'the fleet lay moored.n A couple of
old fishermen were sculling about and
chanced to look up Just in time to spell
out the gold letters on the stern of one of
the yachts "P-s-y-c-h-el Well, if
that amt the funniest way to spell fish"
-B.S'oa Herald.
"At an agricultural meeting the other
day "The Best way to Keep Girls on the
Farm was discussed. No conclusion
was reached, but we think barb wire
fence six feet high, minus gates, sur
rounding the farm, would solve the prob
lem. A boy takes his life in his hand
when he attempts 10 crawl over or under
or through a barbed wire fence, and he
doesn't wear hustle, either, -A0ryiS-
toTa Herdid