Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1888-12-21
NOT ALL NONSENSE,

QUANTITY vi SluU Ullls IS reported.
This will be nothing new to a pr.at
many people.
@MY burden is greater than a.,
bear" said an old hunter az bru;,
jumped on his back and bore him Ia III.
ground.
BRIGHT Boy to visiting pastor,-
Now try it on me! Ma says you ca.
put any one to sleep in five minutes
Loceu Idea.
YOUNG Mother-Horrors, Jane. III.
baby is trying to swallow pin. Nurs.
Its all right, mum; it's safety pin
Philadelphia Record.
PooE Father Time! What horribl.
old inebriate he must be!-that is, if it be
true that time is money and that money
is always tight.
YEAST think Bacon is q generous
fellow. How does he strike youp
Crimsonbeak-O, he strikes me for Y
once a week.-Yo'akers Statesman.
A MAN named Gall has been admitted
to the bar in Mcpherson County.
Kansas, and already he has had 1857
witty illusions made to his name and its
! appropriateness.
OLD maids find themselves treated
by the world very much like ordinary
secondhand books. They are not old
enough to be rare, and not new enough
to be dear.-Puck.
CONSIDER the chickens, my son; study
their ways and be wise. Whenever
they take to drinking their bills go up,
and, by keeping their bills down, they
find enough to cat.-Puck.
THERE is such thing as man being
too good. A woman in Maine got d.
vorce from her husband because he
went to temperance meeting six days
during the week and on Sundays went
to church twice.
YOUNG Husband (gong out for the
evening)-You won't miss mo, will you,
darling? Young Mife-Oh, not the
slightest. I shall have the dog Fido to
keep me company. Dear little fellow!
Epoch.
Mns. HAsHcRoFT-I think I'll make
some notices to hang up in the board
ers' rooms, Mr.. Billings. Can't you
suggest something? Billings urn
the rascals out" wouldn't be bad
Terre Haelte Express.
FIRST Dude-Ah, Algernon, have you
invested in stocks lately? Second
-oads-(who knows nothing about Wall
tsesS)-Bless you, no, Mortimer!
They're old-fashioned. I put all my
spare cash into neckties. Ga
zette.
The religion that will not allow
human being to have any pleasure in
life, and is always crowding o man to
preparation for death-when he does
not want to die-is religion that leaves
a bad taste in the mouth New Orleans
Picayal71e
HOTEL What have you
said or done to that lady that she should
pass you in that angry way? Her eyes
darted fire at you. Clerk-She ex-
pected letter in this mornings mail
and told her it hadn't come.-Phila-
delphia Record.
FOND Husband-My dear, why did
you accept me the first time proposed
instead of being coy and reluctant?
Wife-Because, pet, L had reached
that age when could not afford to run
any risk Of getting left.
W1FE-What would you do if a lady
got into horse-car when all the seats
were occupied? Husband-Look out
of til: rim aow to be sure. Do you think
@9 10 n2o..:sss enough to embarrass a
som "a iy staring her out CT counte-
nance:-Bosto1a Gazette.
MAG1srRArE-Madam, your husband
charges you with assault. Madam
Yes, your honor; asked him if he
would ever cease to love me, and he
was SO slow in answering that hit him
with mop. I'm only a woman, your
honor (tears), and woman's life with
out love is mere blight.-Lite.
A MORMON, the happy possessor Of
several wives, fell distance Of 115 feet
in Utah mine and escaped with but
slight injuries. After man has been
c1lffed, bossed, and kicked around by q
job lot Of wifes little tumble like that
is looked upon simply as light exercise.
--Peck's Sun.
Mr.. PADUp-Mrs. Hashcroft. this pie
positively excites my admiration, Can't
you let me have whole one Just like
it? Mrs. Hashcroft-Oh, Mr.. Padup,
you are a sad fatterer, I'm afraid Mr..
Padup-:No, I'm in earnest about it. I
want the crust to bottom one of the
Office chairs with.-Terre Houte Ea-
press.