Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1888-11-02
WEALTH.
ny THos. p. CRANE.

SS5sEEsz sz7lzzxyIS the natural
FL lfs'sE Spinsiinct of man tC
49, NIX desire riches
kssEe AsssssssSys 1lnN. Savages of tho
~ Il WEI lowest order OF
FSS.f .~s.kH ~ intelligence are
Ds s e. e. , s ::s:i5 + 4 !!
q s3sd doe. T Hss a 8sFs
for money is not
in a healthfrl condition OF mind. Some
love money so intensely that they can
love or enjoy nothing else. Such men
are martyrs to the golden calf" They
would like 60 60 TO heaven whore they
could sit and count golden eagles from
morn till eve, and dine and sup on deli
cate viands smothered with diamonds
and pearls. The miser is a monomani-
&c upon the subject of money. He Is
the most unfortunate fool in the world.
He hasn't sense enough to realize
that he is boarding, suffering,
and starving, to tho end that he may
leave his glittering gold to thieves
or spendthritts. as the case may
be. ii ever / should become a
miser, / would take good care that no
lazy lout of a spendthrift should get
my money when L shuttle off this
mortal coil. sometimes Won
der if the miser would love
gold so very much if it was
valued only by reason of its good looks.
This is a question which philosophers
have tried in vain to answer from time.
out of date. Some philosophers be-.
lieve that miscr loves gold because it
glitters, and not because it has pur-
chasing power The missr does not
utilize its purchasing powers to any ex-
tent, but he loves to see it glitter
Some men have fondness for accumu-l
lating a little wealth so that they cam
enjoy themselves by entering into AM
excruciating and facilitating "tare, or
spree They become painfully and
wonderfully intoxicated, and are glad
to become sober again. They then,
go about their business again, and
are looking forward to the time
when they shall again enter upon
a drunken career. Some men hoard
up q little money-enough to start
them in some line of business. When.
they think they have labored for 9TH
ers long enough and have laid aside
enough money to start themselves I'M
business, they quit work and hire men
to help them in their own BUSINESS
These kind of people are level-headed.,
Having accumulated q snug fortune,
about the meridian of life they retire
from active business and proceed to-
take things easy. Some men are so
persistent and untiring in their efforts
to become millionaires of mammoth
proportions, that they know not what it
is to enjoy a good nights rest.
They stir up anarchists and cranks.
They never pay their employees any
more wages than they can help. 1t Isl
really impossible for grasping monop4
olist to pay a Caucasian 81. 10 per day
if there is a Chinaman in the vicinity
who viii work for $I.05. How can a
| sensible workingman expect it? If q
laborer is not satisfied with his wages,
let him quit drinking cheap liquor
save his money and become a capital
ist. 1t is SO easy, you know. If his
BEIiuD dDGc IDl bGGul W run I'LL uiidu
groove, he could try his hand at pro-
fessional baseball. 1t is so delight
fully easy to contemplate and view from
the grand stand, They might practicd
with cannon balls, taking precaution
to wear clothes made from boiler-iron.
This is necessary, for cannons
are often dosed heavily with powder.
A cannon ball escaping from an over
charged cannon is often as dangerous
as hot ball escaping from the paws OF
crack curve pitcher BY a little
| practice with cannon balls person
would be able to handle the swift
i League ball with impunity, barring a
few Inconvenience, such as broken
fingers and sore hands. If the wage
worker finds baseball too painful an
occupation for him, he might try his
luck at the plumbing business. It is
quite an easy and quick road to wealth.
This fact is easily proven. Look up
the statistics on plumbing compiled by
our most eminent humorists. All
humorists agree that plumbers make
lots of money, and lead an easy life.
/ myself have never had any use for a
plumber excepting in extreme cases OF
necessity. An exploded water-pipe is
an extreme case with me, and the
plumber is a hard case, too.