The intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1887-1891, 1888-08-18
''Our GroWler."

There IL one thing that wearies me more
a big man walking oil with my umbrcl-
la. and that il to pick up the local newspaper
nuG read "A great long you have-Iusulted-m mo
article about some supposed injury that A
has done Is. First III notice their modes of
attack and then Try and show them how III
IN il il TO an outside aud uninter-
pstrd party. The much injured (D party
helms to rake up some old war scrapc. where,
pcrh,ps, the injurIng party was less fortunate
than he, i~nasmuch ~ he was not discovered
in some, wlnt would now he called. dishOnOr-
ablc act. Then the plaintiff proceeds to .ell
the public of some supposed grievance and
with u pitiiuI mouth LOOKS for the public 10
rise up aud smile the aggressOr () to the
earth. Then he puts on his lighting clothes
and gets rrd-hcadcd and almost challenges
the offended to meet him In the arena. and to
cap the climax hc closes by signing, not his
own name, but ''TaX-Payer," Injured In
norcncr,' .'DcmOcrat," wake Up" etc.
Now. MI. whoever you arc, let me tell you
and everybody that contemplate quarrel
my, iu>t keep your fussing out of the news.
ptpcrS. When a man suhscribes for "a paper
he cynrcIs the paper to keep up with the
Nv ~ l''''' = -
news of the day, but | can assure you that it
is no news" to hear you call your neiphbOr
Il dirty scamp. and bIa'guard HIM through
the columns of the newspaper; and even if il
we're new, it Is not interesting news. and it
i. in no wise calculated to elevate the morals
of any community. Your dispositions re-
mind me OF two schoolmates, long, long ago.
one would brag that his pa had the biggest
COW, and the other said his pas knife would
cut down II tree in ten minutes, and one
thing brought on another and in less time
than il takes to cut a switch they were fight
ing. And the cause OF IL all was that u
strange little boy (whO neithfr knew was
trying to convince whose pa was the biggest
man. 1t is exactly the same with you men:
you think that somebody will listen to you
and you resort to the newspapers.
-
You boys that spend so much time in comb
ing your hair, and are SO particular to get
every hair straight, had better spend just a
little time III cleaning your finger nails.
| Some of YOU are very faulty in this partlcu-
lar. Now remember this.
So
Consistency, thou art u jewel" Yes, l
think YOU are. but YOU are as scarce rs the
most precious OF stones around this part of
the country. How small Il thing gives lis an
insight into the character of our feIlowmen!
How contradictory are his actions and his
words. ] can recall an instance that Illus
traleS my subject and also leaves us with a
moral. A Lexington gentleman had a favor
lie little duty which he sang-well, at almost
every breath. 1t ran like this:-
Oh, boys. keep away from the girls l say,
And give them plenty of room,
For if you don't take care, they'll bang your
hair
With the bald HEADED end of the broom.
:, He rendered his sole with such tenderness
that il never Jailed to create some merrlmenf,
and. of course, Away, left Il deep ~ i'm
preston of its truthfulness. II this gent had
only Needed his own advice TO others, aud
had kept away from the bald-headcd -
no, girls-be would not have been called
pa by several different mouths. But some
red headed girl ''crOssed" his path, and they
!. both crossed" II KNOT and now he II
''cro-s" enough 10 talk the kinks out of hel
hair. The bald headed broom has inspire,
him with IL true SENSE of obedience, and 1
making hi scalp an excellent tobOggan slid
for the ,ummer flies. Little did he thin
that he would fall into the pit of which h
seemed 30 deeply concerned for his fellow
men. Therefore, NV friends, there il n
reason why sOmn OF Us may not he b~enetlte,
by the experience Of this gentleman.
MOral-DOn't go near II fire if you hav
powder in your pockets.
-
The teachers convention has been in sea
sion for tie past Two weeks. | overhear
the folio TlnS conversation between tw
teachers one day This week Little Teach
cr-"Whcw! wasn't them questions awful!
Big Teacher.-''I suppose you ar abiding
they what Prof. - give us Dfis afternoon
amt yuu?" l.. T.-"Yes, them was wor,
tins evening than those this time ycsterdn,
u" But, changing the subject, did you percei,
~ that there red noseG school MAIN which set
40 rcct-gngIes with Miss -" u. T.-"Ye
yes, | think | have saw her somewheres els,
Nv She eyed me so continually that II wassrsth,
impossible for me to tell whether Lexingtu
' was on this side Of the river or the river O
= the other side OF Lexington" l.. THO
100 do you lie your boarding placer Is. T.
c' "Oh. | love 1t. We have beans and peas IAN
~ corn, and potatoes, and cucumbers, an
Wv tomatoes, and onions, and many variol
things which are very enjoyable. Them pc
pie know how to cook" l.. T.-"Why gr
ciOus me, we don't have nothln hard
yh' where | stop. Ny constitution wouldn
" hold out very long with such feed" 81
hu this became too much for me, and / W
ny compelled to look 10 one of the shade tire
for refreshing rest. | would like for con
"" scvGn-ycar-old hoy or girl to send me
"A complete grammatical renovation of 4
above conversation. Won't some of you
wv this:
inc @s%
nse Some Of our brick paVements are in suct
M gone-to-rack state that an artist (r)
ted painted on them Rats Now, by way
The explanation, this word rats Is II word Il
nd expresses more contempt for anything
rhe any wise connected with II. than any wori
md the vocabulary. aud when this unkno
has painter placed 1t there, he did il knowi
liss that lie could do nothing worse. Win
ing frosts will damage any brick pavement,
ely when spring begins, and when the spr
lica fever has left our bones, then ] think II
very well to repair our walks. In one blOcl
lDNh 'H'I' hIC " IeH squire ydTuS u ~
'ari paving in the block. Whose fault is tn
iiSs Mr.. City Marshal this must he attended
LEI. because walks in such u condition are liabl,
-, have II law suit under them. and you KIN
thc how easily. on Il dark night, It is for q pm
ore ment 10 fly up and hit YOU. So | hope
tie paVcmrhts VIII soon pc repaired ana
word "Ta.s'' oblIterated, because, ~ il is.
Ladies' will run from rats, and they will W
l ID around Il half block to avoid the possibi
Elm ; Of spraIm1ng an ankle. Now don't wait Y
nnSI tTnSilnpftal nlnntinv n IN thtu. Of I'll.
and nv '''''on W Nv '"9' sum
BAR