The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1888-01-04
HUMOR.

eOm0tlme0 introduces you 70 ul6 Anat-
omy of Melancholy the next morning.
Puck.
THERE was O man much given to
hings and sneers, whom his wife
called fellow of infinite twit.-Teras
Siftings.
AN exchange gives receipt for max
ing cheap horse cart. You can make
q cheap horse do it, we suppose, but
you mustn't load the cart too heavily.
-SJtings.
SAID Mr.. McFerg uson. shaking his head:
Il am not to my wife stronger qualities
And while she cant mako up a dress or a bed,
You Just ought to see how she makes up her
mind"
FIRST Florida Man I thought 1
would present my little bill this morn
ing" Second Florida Man-@No need
of doing that. The mosquitoes attend
ed to that last night. "-ArCOld Record.
The gayest man is sometimes the saddest.
The best hCmored man IL sometimes the
madd. st;
But the heaviest man is never the lightest,
Aud the soberest man Is never the "ti3htest
-Arka'tsow Trateter.
OLD LADY, am sorry to hear lit
tie boy use such shocking language.
Do you know what becomes of little
bows who swear?" Urchin-"Yes'm
Dew gifts to be hoss-car drivers. lid
Bits.
MAMMA Ito Walter, who has just re-
turned from his first experience with
fshing-rod) - What, back SO soon?
Walter-Y es'm; l thought I'd come
home. The worms were SO nervous 1
couldn't get 'em on the hook.
BRowN-"I saw you going home very
late last night with turkey under your
arm, Robinson. Robinson-Yes, was
down at Rumangum's with the boys un-
til nearly o'clock rafting. / won it.
Brown-Was it nice turkey? Rob-
inson-I don't know; / was too sick to-
day to eat any of it.-Neao York Sun.
AT gathering of few ministers
and others the other Day, in New York
City, to utter some words of grateful
mention and good cheer to the Rev.
DR.. Deems, some one declared that IAN
ounce of taffy" was worth more than a.
ton of epitaphyl A word in season,
how good it is; but words. however
kindly spoken over q grave, come too
late.
STRANGER-"I notice you drove the
L
Omaha man-"Yes, we arranged the
him through that street on his arrival,
and then drove him through it when
we went back an hour later" "Ex-
actly. thought it was an oversight"
"Oh, no. We wanted to give him q
chance to see how Western cities grow"
HIS CAPABILITIES.
1--WE given you your dinner now"
The woman to the poor tramp said,
so take this AK and split some wood,
And pile it neatly in the shed
"Ah! no, indeed I" the man replied,
II promised to do all could,
But eeally maam, never had
The least idea OF splitting wood
What are you good for, thon ?" she said,
you thief. you vagabond, you Turk
He answered. backing down the steps.
Il can do anything but work"
-TerdS SVttItgs.
The members of q church at Hart
well, Ga, were discussing what they
had done to help the cause of religion
along during the year, when one good
brother. whose cotton crop had turned
out better than he had expected, said:
Il came very near promising the Lord
at planting time that L would We him
81 for every bale of cotton 1 should
make this year, but, brethren, If had
sure"
AN Ohio preacher tried to quote the
verse in Matthew about mot one jot or
title" and said: "Not one tot or little"
Then he saw that he had erred and
tried again. "Not one jilt or tottle,"
said he, and again stopped. But he
would not give up, and began. "kot
one tit or lottle," and then with red
face he gave it up and went on with
his sermon, and there were not a half
dozen of his hearers who could really
tell inst what the two words were.
"TAAT's 'Boulanger's March," said a
rustic proudly to the man at his elbow
as the country band struck up. "Great
Ceasarl" replied the other in stage
whisper, edo the peop!e know it?' Il
s'pose so-some of them. Why?"
"Why? Man alive, can you ask that?
Is there no danger of a riot?" "Why,
certainly not. "Tbank heaven!" he
breathed fervently. "Then in this COM
munity l shall even dare whistle Peek
a-Boo. '"-Binghamton RepubH an.
GENTLEMEN" said the Judge of an
Arkansas court to the attorneys during
trial, 81 don't mind your shooting at
each other occasionally if the circum-
stances seem to justify it; but / SEQ
that one of your bullets has hit an
overcoat belonging to the court and
broken q quart flask in the inside
pocket 1 wish it to be distinctly I'M
derstood that if there is any more such
careless shooting in this court I'll lift
the scalp of the gaioot that does it.
Now go ahead with the case"
AN OLD MANS so ROW.
Alas " the old man sighed, with besded head,
What brilliant dreams Of life have como anu
red;
How haze yearnoi for famo, aud DER and
DER
Spent sl.epless nights in searching burning
lore,
And now in weary age simply find
Folks say: PIE 10 q man of ril liant mind.
He's deeply read in philosophic BOOKS
And mathematics with it, turna nad crooks
To him Is like sluma all unseslei
Its pages opened nd its trutns revealed
The books he writes are sad bv learned mon
Who wait impatient while he yields his pen
But this. alss, no music has for
When great men on cry hand see.
Oh why on kno ledge Id asto my all
Instead of learning how to play base-baill"