The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1888-08-04
THREE YARNS FOR A PRIZE
Whoppers Told at Blizzard Time u
the Vicinity of Gotham,


A physician in Yonkers, who is also
something OF a politician, has com
Portable place at Fork river, Barnegat
bay, which is open the year round tc
his friends for sport or recreation.
The late blizzard caught some OF them
down there unprovided with means OF
indoor amusement. They were i'm.
prisoned nearly week. during which
time small ale house was their only
change from the solitude of the lodge.
One day the crowd was yawning in the
ale house. All things had become ches
nuts.
II can tell you a story about my
dog that's new, anyhow" gasped
Charles Parker.
81 can beat it for prize" said
Ebenezer Dewitt.
"You fellows don't know how to
lie," put in A. J. Prime. "It takes q
lawyer. I seldom lie myself, but il
theirs prize in it, 60 ahead"
"Well, this dog, gentlemen" began
Parker, loftily, "beat any rabbit dog
that ever lived. He was faster than
the wind. Once, on hot trail, he
ran his nose up against q scythe, which
had been blade upright in field. He
was going at terrible pace, and ]
knew what would happen; so stoop.
ed down by the scythe in preparation.
Sure enough, the blade parted him
down the middle. dividing even his
tail in equal parts. AS the two parts
tumbled over clapped them quickly
together and bound them up in a
hunting coat. He was gong 80 fast
that the blood hadn't time to spill,
and, of course the halves grew toge.
Their. But somehow one half had
Topped over just before joined them,
and when Jack got we'll he had two
legs on the ground and two sticking
up in the air. He was q curious dog
after that. When he barked half a
bark would come from the part of the
mouth that opened up, and the other
half came from the part that opened
down. This defect annoyed him,
and he practiced to remedy it.
He got SO far after a while
that, after choo-chooing Tor minute,
like locomotive getting under way,
he could run his half barks together
into q continuous note like fog horn.
made money out of him by hiring
him out mornings to q box factory
for a steam whistle. The most cur.
ious thing though was to see him eat.
cut his food into tiny pieces. He
would take one morsel with the half
OF his mouth that opened downward,
and then turn sort OF handspring
sideways to his other legs and eat an
other morsel With bis other half
mouth. When real hungry he turned
SO fast he looked like 200 revolu-
tion fly wheel in motion. He never
wagged his tail. The reason was that
the muscular efforts at wagging, being
equally balanced on each side, coun.
teracted each other. He was q better
rabbit dog than ever, for when he ran
himself of one pair oflegs, he'd simply
turn q sidespring and go 1t on the
other pair. You couldn't tire him out.
It was great blow to me when he
died."
Mr.. Parker stroked his chin contem.
platively. and Ebenezer De Witt said
slowly.
"Your dog was truly wonderful, but
he can't compare with my rawhide
traces. I bought them new in Jersey,
and first used them to cart a load of
wood up half mile hill to my house.
1t was raining dismally as ! loaded
the wood on the wagon, and the raw.
hide traces got Thoroughly soaked.
When all was ready / mounted one OF
the horses and drove to the house.
When I got there found that the
wagon hadn't budged. The wet traces
had stretched the whole half mile.
Here was bad fix, and as the sun
came out just then, l sat down to
think about it. Then the sun got so
hot l went indoors leaving the horses
standing.
"When / came out minute later
the horses were straining to keep from
being pulled down the hill. Looking
down l saw my load of wood rumbling
up the hill at a jolly rate. was puz-
zled at first to understand what was
pulling them, but soon saw that as the
sun dried the traces they were con.
tracing at the same rate they had
stretched when wet, and as the horses
held the ground at the top OF the hill the
wagon had to come up to the horses.
l afterward formed company for
liiti-sSsafes to tenth story windows.
Jay Gould put in the money and ! |
put in the traces. We both got rich. |
I
trying to sound the bottomless spring
in Pennsylvania. We tied a weight |
to one end and dropped it in the
spring. AS the weight sank into the |
depths those traces spun out till at |
last they became so fine a thread |
that a butterfly CHANGING to fit against
one end, it snapped short off,
Everybody cried Chestnut" at the |
conclusion OF this story. When the
Uproar subsidized AL Prime began.
Gentleman" he said. 81 have had
no thrilling experiences such as yours.
But I tested some gunpowder once
that proved rather remarkable. ! |
am something OF q sportsman, as
you know, and fond of experimenting
with new brands of powder. On this
occasion I put in a fair charge
of the powder and plenty OF |
shot, and blazed away at
white target about 100 feet away.
When the smoke cleared didn't see g.
mark on the target. This seemed in
conceivable, for f1atter myself that /
can hit three foot target. l walked
over and looked at it. Not a scratch
on it. filled a pipe, lighted it, and
thought about it. 1t wasn't possible
I could have missed so completely.
Just then there was little humming
in the air and rafting on the larger.
l looked at it and found it covered all
over with shot. This was strange. 1t
puzzled me. But at last the truth
broke upon me. / scratched my head
and remarked to myself:
"Great Scott, but that's slow pow.
derl"
The barkeeper gazed blankly at the
crowd from a corner. The tavern
cat mewed piteously, and strove to
squeeze out of a broken window into
the cold, cold storm.
During last Tuesdays election at
Yonkers, Lawyer A. J. Prime wore at
the rolla O. hlile rihhon in his hntfop |