The Delta independent., 1888-11-06
BILL NvE TRIES TO UMPIRE.
sIe Keeps Score on Two Shingles At a
Western Game.

sie Keeps Score on Two Shingles At a
Western Game.
A short time ago was called upon
~ committee of physicians and sur
geons of Minneapolis. led by DR.. Hunt
sr. of that city. with request that 1
would umpire game of baseball to be
played on the ensuing day between the
Allopaths and Homeopaths of Mime
apolis for the championship of the
northwest the proceeds to go to the
Homeopathic Hospital
l told DR.. Hunter that an ALL wise
Providence had not seen fit to endow
me with great deal of baseball
wisdom. but that 1 was passionately
fond of the game. recognizing. as l
did. that it denoted wonderful de-
gree of progress and a gradual leading
up from bean-bag and two-old-cat
towards the earnestness, the throb and
thrill and such things as that of the
true athlete.
DIR. Hunter said had the right idea
of the game, he thought. and he would
get Mr.. Conklin. of the Grand Opera
House, to do the active part of the
umpiring leaving me mostly TO sit
under the shade of n large sun
umbrella, outside the orbit of hot balls
and engaged in thought He said that
great many people had noticed in
me the faculty of being able to assume
II thinkful air while really engaged in
something else. He said people liked
that in any body, and especially in an
umpire.
At 2:30 the rival clubs arrived in
separate ambulances and chose up for
''ins." The Allopaths got the bat.
Each club had separate pail out of
which they drank when in need of any
thing in that line. The Homnopaths
took theirs at third diluton every
twenty minutes out of n graduate.
and the Allopaths drank out of a large
tin dipper until relieved.
l presume the different players
would not care to have me use their
names here and SO l will substitute
fictitious names.
The Allopaths wore a uniform con-
sisting of different kinds of clothes.
but very becoming indeed. A few
baseball uniforms scattered through
the two clubs gave life and piquancy
10 the game and make it more difficult
for the umpire to tell which side was
in.
DR.. Gray wore drab small clothes, n
light high hat with wide black band,
and long. ashes-ol-roses mohair duster,
held in place by means of string.
DR.. Windymeier wore a blue flannel
sailors suit. with inflamed revers of
same.
Dr. Pendergast wore low-neck and
short-sleeve knit lingerie, with check
cred pantaloons and wad of tulle at
the throat. He wore a tarpaulin hat
and no ornaments.
DR.. BECKER wore pair of all-wool
trousers, with wedge of shrimp pink
satin set in the back between his sus-
pender buttons; white, open back shirt.
pin-stripe suspenders, and Alpine hat
DIR. Early wore street costume.
with fireman's hat and varialoid neck
tie.
DR.. Panghorn wore Prince Albert
coat. knickerbockers and fore-and. aft
steamer hat of small blue and white
plaid. with squirrel-skin ear-tabs tied
roguishly over the top. He wore
game, but at the third inning appeared
in stellated, comminuted confusion
just east of the parotid gland.
DR.. Pembertby wore tennis suit
with silk hat and crocheted slippers.
He made very fine appearance on the
beautiful green ball ground. but gen
orally pershed before he reache d
second. In batting Dr. Pemberthy al
most always struck ut the ball after the
catcher had it in his pocket. and lie
always erred in diagnosing the general
direction of the ball. and his treatment
of it was visionary and theoretical in
the extreme. l had to reprimand him
three times for these things publicly.
DR.. Mclean was dressed in n loose
fitting suit of pajama. with high-top
rubber wading boots, which DR.. Hunt
sr filled partially full of rain water by
means of stomach pump which he
found in the ambulance. This water.
rising and falling with Il wild rushing
noise while DIR. Mclean was making
his bases, reminded me of the gentle
squeak made by the third stomach of
grass-fed horse as he goes joyously
afield
Dr. Lannigan wore pare OF specta-
cular pantaloons and percale shirt,
with his suspenders draped about his
waist. He also wore his own whiskers,
and threw with great accuracy. Woe
to the man who got off his base if DR..
Lennigan had the ball. for lie never
failed to raise two-quart blister on
that man, such as would make old
Cantharides just fairly hate himself to
death. l told DR.. Lannigan that it was
not absolutely necessary, according to
the rulings of the land commissioner,
that player off his base could only
be put out by the actual production of
proud flesh and laudable pus. but he
couldn't seem to understand it. and so
he created a good deal of ill-feeling,
though at heart good man and very
successful physician.
The game was called at 8 o'clock,
and with two large shingles to keep
tally on. told the boys to sail in.
DIR. Mills. of the Allopaths. went
first to bat. He was dressed simply in
a suit of blue flannel. with richly bead
ed moccasins and high-crowned stiff
black shiny straw hat. He spat on
both hands, then caught up quart OF
sand. which he applied to the handle
of the bat, breathed in all the air be-
tween himself and the center fielder.
asked for au abdominal ball. and got
SO near what he requested that it was
como time before l could signal Mr..