The Arkansaw traveler., 1888-01-07
COMPLETE POSTAL FA-
 CILITIES.

Scene. Mississippi post-office. Post master and several friends sitting on a bench in front of the house. Post master (yawning)-"Won onder why that boy don't come on with the mail. Ever sense he swapped off his sorrel hoss fur that old bay, the mail has been late"
 RGbe Foster-"It looks to me like a feller that rides the mail oughtenter be allowed ter swap hosses without the say-so uv the gover'ment."
 Lias Brown-"Yas, but, Rube, a feller jest nachully an 'cordin' to the consertntion has right to swap his own property. Ain't he?" (Appeal- ing to the postmaster.)
 P. M. (with a slight frown, indi- eating that he is examining the tab lets of his mind)-"He's got the priv ilege under the new routine, but accordin' to the Monroe doctrine the right to put in a word uv advice here an there is resarved by the gover'- ment. In the time uv the Monroe doctrine the government wuz much more keerful uv the rights uv the peo- pie than it now pears to be the case. Then the officials said that if folks wuz a settin' round waitin' fur ther mail, wy, they oughter have it, an that the mail rider oughtenter swap off his nag an run the risk nv gittin' a slower hoss."
 Rube-"Letters is letters these days, an it jest nachully makes a man mad to be kept outen his mail. I come out here yistidy expectin' uv letter, but the mail didn't come."
 Lias-"Who air you expectin' letter frum?"
 Rube-"Wall, don't know in pur- ticuler, but it's about time 1 wuz get tim one."
 Lias-"How long has it been sense you got one?"
 Rube-"Long last spring some time."
 Lias-"Who writ to you them"
 Rube-"Oh, it wuz fine letter, an don't you furgit it. It had lot uv yaller an red an' blue papers In it, all printed ez nice ez you please, an it told all about diffunt sorter seeds, an one uv the papers, the yaller one, I b'Peve, had the pictur' uv big hoss apple on 1t ; an on the outside uv the letter thar wuz my name wrote just ez putty ez anything you ever seed. l tried to keep it in good order, but the neighbors kep' on comin' in an a handlin' it till it wuz wore almost bodatiously out. If I could jist git another sich one I think I'd take better kere uv it. Ain't that the mail-rider?" Dumping up and shad- ing his eyes with his hand.)
 P. M.-"If it ain't, Pm goat. He sees us, an begins to whip up his hoss. He's a caution, an eff he don't look sharp, I'll tell the government how he carries on, an that will settle him."
 (Boy dashes up and throws a limp mail bag to the postmaster, who catches it as if it were of great worth and goes into the house, closely fol- lowed by his friends.)
 Rube-"Unlock her an let us have the innards."
 F. M.-"Rest easy. Pm doin' my official duties as fast as the law dic- tates. "Opens the bag, holds it up and shakes it. A postal card falls upon the counter. The men make grab for it.)
 P. M.-"Hold on boys; hold on. The government don't warrant no sich scrimmage. Hans of, I tell you. Now let me see who it's fur (reads, after much difiiculty) J. M. Beasley.~
 Lias-"Let's see whut it says on the other side"
 F. M.-"No, we'll put it right up here fur the present. Anybody know him?"
 (They all answer no.)
 P. M--"Wall, we mout CT we'll