Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1888-02-24
The Brakeman at Church.

The following article appeared in
the Burlington Hdackeye some years
ago, and was reproduced by many of
the papers of the country, but as
many of our readers may not have
seen it, we reprint it.
On the road once more, with Leba-
non fading away in the distance, the fat
passenger drumming idly on tie win
dow pane, the cross passenger sound
asleep, and the tall, thin passenger
reading Gen. Grants Tour Around the
World" and wondering why Green's
August Flower" should be printed a.
bove the doors Of "a Buddhis+ Temple
at Benares To me comes the brake
man, and seating himself, on the arm
of the seat. says:
II went to church yesterday"
"Yes?" | said, with that interested
infection that's asks for more. "And
what church did you at tend?"
(Which do you guess?" he asked.
"Some union mission church," I
hazarded.
NO." be said, "I don't like to run
on these branch roads very much. |
don't often go to church, and when [
do, l want to run on the main line,
where your run is regular and you
go on schedule time, and don't have
to wait on connections. | don't like
to run on branch. Good enough, but
| don't like it
."Episcopal?" 1 guessed.
Limited express" he said, "all
palace cars, and two dollars extra for
seat, fast time, and only stop at
the big stations. Nice line, but too
exhaustive for a brakeman. All train
men in uniform, conductors punch
and lantern silver plated, and no
train boys allowed. Then the pass
engers are allowed to talk back to
the conductor, and it makes them too
freq and easy. No, | couldn't stand
the palace cars. Rich road. though.
Don't often hear of a receiver being
appointed for that line Some mighty
nice people travel on it. too"
"Universalist?" | suggested.
"Broad guuge." said the brakeman,
"does too much complimentary busi-
ness. Everybody travels on pass
Conductor doesn't get a fare once in
fifty miles. Stops at all flag stations,
and won't run into anything but
union depot No smoking car on the
train. Train orders are rather vague,
though, and the trainmen don't get
along we'll with the passengers. No,
/ don't go to the Universalist, though
l know some awfully good men who
run on that road"
"Presby terian?" | asked
marrow guage, eh?" said the
brakeman, "pretty track, straight as
rule; tunnel right through noun
tain rather than go around it; spirit
level grade; passengers. have to show
their tickets before they get on the
train. Mighty strict road, but the
cars are little narrow; b We to sit
one in seat and no room in the aisle
to dance. Then there is no stop-over
tickets allowed; got to go straight
through to the station you're ticketed
for. or you can't get on at all. When
the cars full, no extra coaches; cars
are built at the shops to hold just so
many. and nobody else allowed on
But you don't often hear of en- acci-
dent on that road. It's run right up
to the rules"
"May be you joined the Free
Thinkers" | said.
Scrub road" said the brakeman,
"dirt road bed and no ballast,
no time-card and no train dispatcher
All trains run wild, and every engi-
neer makes his own time, just as he
pleases. Smoke if you want to; kind
of go as you please road. Too
many side-tracks, and every switch
wide open all the time. with the
switchman sound asleep and the tar.
get lamp dead out. Get on as you
please and off when you want to-.
Don't have to show your tickets, and
the conductor isn't expected to do
anything but amuse the passengers.
| No, sir. was offered pass, but l
/ don't like the line. | don't like to
travel on q road that has no termi-
nus. Do you haow, sir, | asked a
division superintendent where that
road runs to, and he said he hoped