davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14

Test for Sausages-Give your dog
link or two; if they are pure pig.
Towser will make meal of them, but
if they are adulterated with dog he
will elevate his nose and howl like a
Commanche. In the latter case you
save the sausage Martha's Vinyard
Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14

The chap who finds carpet nail in
his uncooked oysters is among those
who wish the tax taken off raw mater
ial.-Boston Bulletin.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14

1t was nip and tuck with Rhode
Island girl and her pa whether she
would bring dude son-in-law into
the family, but finally Pawtucket.-
Duluth Photographer.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14

Gold headed umbrellas are coming
into fashion,. The handle is SO ar
ranged that it can be taken of. This
is an Improvement on the old style,
where the entire umbrella was taken
off.-Yonker's Statesment.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14

If, as scientists say, the nose is an
indicator of character, the possessor
of Roman nose should have desire
for traveling.-Boston Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14

There is cornet player in rural
Maine brass band who can strike a
higher note on his instrument than
any cornetest in this country. He is
six feet and ten inches in height. II
anybody can blow above him without
getting on stills let's hear from him.
Lewiston Journal
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14

Some difference-First Spectator
Did he fall in with your scheme
Second Speculator-No, he tumbled
to it'd Bits.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14

Elevator boy Ito fat old lady]-Go-
ing up, mum ?
Old lady-Yes, I'm going up; but
sakes alive, little boy like you can't
pull me up in that thing.-Texas Sift-
inps
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14

"No. / don't like Prigston he's
such an ignoramus."
"Why, that's the best thing about
him. If he knew anything he'd be
telling it to everybody" Boston
Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14

A well-wisher is one who invests in
oil territory.-Texas Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14

The members of the Fishery Com
mission seem to have met on porpoise
to cod one Misunderstanding Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14

A poet sings, 1.-TWO Chords |
Struck" Perhaps he struck because
he was too lazy to saw them.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14

Learned seals are common, because
seals are often attached to letters
Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14

The marine wreckord this year is
growing.-Pittsburg Chronicle.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14

Anthony Comstock will soon insist
that only dressed beef shall appear in
the market.-Boston Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14

Should pigs that run at large on
the streets be considered public pen
shuners ?-Cleveland Sun.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14
Ar. Bay City.

sDany. tDsily except Saturday. All other
trains daily except Sunday. Parlor on day
trains. sleeping ears on night trains.
CITY office, Phnnix Block, corner Washington
and center Aves, and ut NichiIan Central depot
foot Of Washington Ave. Telephone ,o7S.
j. WHITING, Ticket Agent
wa VAUGHAN, @. W. RUGGLEs,
Superintendent. q. p. q T. agt
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14
WIT AND HUMOR.

A new thing in socks-a baby three
days old.-Fx.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14
Advertising Rates.

business Cards, one year, one dollar per line.
Local notices, among local reading matter, ten
tents per lina for each insertion.
Business notices ve cents per limo each insertion.
Births, Marriages and Deaths free.
Obituaries, Resolutions, Cards Of Thanks, eto.,
at advertisins rates.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-14
DyuA, South Shor. 1 Atlantic Railway
"rHH soo-MACKINAw SHORT LINE"

ONLY DIRECT ROUTE TO UPPER
MICHIGAN.
and ths Iron and Copper Regions Of Lake Super
or Trsversing territory uncqualed for hunting,
ashing and camping.
The Press., 1887-03-03

1t does pound of gold, cause there ain't but twelve ounces in 8 pound of gold so 1t takes pound and quarter of gold to make pound Q heart, and we all agreed that we guessed it did--as much as that.
 The teacher-her name is Jennie Way. She weighs n hundred and twenty six and a haH She's consin to the Great Hearts. They took her along to fill up the back st at. and make the buggy ride stiddy; aud because their boy didn't dast to go of aud leave bis steers, for fpnr somebody'd run of with um before he'd get back.
 They're always doing things like that always forever-alwAys pretendin' that somebody's doin' them some great favor, when if the truth was told, it Is exactly the other way about
 Let's see twas Wednesday, aloag about the fifteenth. But for pity sake who'd have thought It was ST frte And my eyes are just like two sticks.
 aint much used to making geogra- phies, anyway, ain't.
 LEoNA IDA MONTE
The Press., 1887-03-03
WOMEN VOTERS.

The fear that bad and ignorant women would vote in larger numbers than tue good and intelligent is, with many people the strongest argument against woman suffrage. We cannot prove positively, iu advance of trying the experiment, that this will not be the case, but we can show that the probabilities are all against it. In the first place, it will be generally admit. ted that vicious and grossly ignorant wom- en are not nearly as numerous as the virtu. ous aud fairly intelligent. If all, or even half, of the good women voted, they would largely outvote the bad ones.
 In the second place, it is from good women, not from bad ones, that the de. mand for suffrage comes.
 Again, the vicious classes have an in. stinct by which they know their friends from their enemies. Like the devils in Scripture, they recognize their foes afar of. And the vicious classes hate and dread woman suffrage. You may get a church member to believe that the major. ity of mothers would vote for dram. shops, but you can never make the liquor-interest believe 1t.
 Experience does not bear out Senator Browns assertion that "the ignorant fe. male voters would be at the polls en nldsse while the refined and educated would re. main at home." For several years, wom. en have had school suffrage in twelve states. In each, the vote of women has been small, as the vote of men is small at special elections which call out little pub lie interest or excitement In each Case the women who have voted have been, al most without exception, of the educated and respectable class. The prediction that the bad and ignorant women would be the first to rush to the polls has not been vefi. fed iu any of these twelve states.
 In Wyoming, women have had full sui frage for eighteen pears. Judge Kingman, of Wyoming, says:
 "Woman suffrage was inaugurated in 1869 At that time few women voted At each election since, they have voted in larger numbers, and now nearly all go to the polls. It has been said that the deli cate and cultured women would shrink away, and the bold and iud .licate come to the front in public affairs This we feared, but certainly notlilg of the kind has hap pened."
 Rev. Dr. B. F. Crary, presiding elder of the M. E. churches in Wyoming, says
 'The very best ladies of this territory vote, and they generally vote on the right side of all questions"
 Gov. Hoyt, in his message to the legis- lature in 1882, said
 '"The great body of our women and the best of them, have accepted the elect i've franchise, and exercise it as patriot. ic duty"
 Gov. Warren in 1885, summed up the matter in a nutshell:
 "Our women nearly all vote, and since in Wyoming, as elsewhere, the majority of women are good and not bad, the result hes been good and not evil. !" s
The Press., 1887-03-03
For The Press.) OH. SPEAK,

If within your breast beats Q heart of warmth
 and kindness, Generous in it's love for any one on earth, o, speak, and tell him so. Let not your
 fondness In him languish, and feel the dearth Of unspoken love. Speak and tell him now, for all on earth's
 uncertain; It may be but an hour you have this gift to
 give. Death may come all too soon; 'tis but cur
 tain That hides the future from us. Speak, That he may live. Speak, yes, speak, Chat is) if you can speal
 but truly; Answer to the want his soul so craves from
 you. Speak, that his heart may know more surely The great, dear good that comes from know.
 ing Loving you. JOSIAH.
The Press., 1887-03-03

DRUNKENNESS, or EIoUoR HABIT, can be CURED by administering DR. HAYNES GOLDEN SPECIFIC: It can be given in cup of coffee or tea without the knowledge of the person aking it, effecting a speedy and. permanent cure, whether the patient is a moderate drink CT or an alcoholic wreck. Thousands of drunkards have been made temperate men who Shave taken the Golden Specific in their coffee without their know edge, and teday:beeve they quit drinking of theis own free will. No harmful effects results from itr administration. Cnres guaranteed. Send for circu- lar and full particulars. Address in confidence GOLD FEN SPECIFIC Co.,, 1s5 Race St., Cincinnati, Ohio.
The Press., 1887-03-03
(For The Press.l DICK DARLTNG'S DREAM.

You may have heard of Dick before What trials he endured; And how, in youthful love affairs, He was abruptly cured. One night he, weary, sought his bed, With open bedroom door, And he had scarcely covered up
 Fer he began to snore. With Dick it was restless night;
 His thoughts were far from home, Were contemplating future bliss
 In sweet cottage home. He thought that he was wandering where Two ways met-near pine, Beneath whose shade maiden sat,
 Whose name was Eveline. How very saddening, when one dreams To have things seem so real, And in the morning wake to find
 Some over-wrought ideal. We'll, both climbed up ragged cliff, That overlooked the sea, And gazed upon the dashing waves, Romantic as could be. AS both looked on that lovely scene, Where ocean meets the sky, Each vowed to love each other we'll, Till one-or both-should die, Each clasped, as sometimes lovers will, In mutual embrace; Both ratified the contract there
 By sealing on the face. But Eveline had ventured near
 The edge of that great wall, When Dick, with superhuman strength, Averted fatal fall. Tie kisses that were there exchanged I must not-dare not-tell; Though all agree that mutual buss
 Is proper-if done well. Anxiety, with troubled dreams,
 And familiar call, Found "Thomas" sailing through the door With an unearthly squall. Dick wiped the fur from off his lips, And "bounded" out of bed And, with certain emphasis,
 Wished all the CATS were dead. Confound such dreams, vexed Dick replies Why should things real seem. Or why shou ''Tom" play Eveline, And mock me in a dream? Sometimes surplus sickens men,
 And oft disgusts the fair No matter what the cause may be,
 Sweet lips, or Tommy's hair. Holland, Feb. 18th, 1887. J. L. CLoUGH.
The Press., 1887-03-03
EFF F FECTS s ].

Ayers Pills are made from thc conccn- trated extracts and active remedial prin- eiples of purely vegetable substances. They are, therefore, far more effective and satisfactory in their cathnrtic, tliuretica and tonic effects than Pills made by. the ordinary process from powdered drugs. N. c. Lawson, GreeRville, Tenn, writes: '' have used Ayers Pills for Stomach and Liver troubles with excellent results" J. M. Hodgrlon, Saltwater, 1Tinn., writes: "Ayer's Pills are invaluable as a cathartic, and especially for their action upon the liver. I am sure they saved my life" Antoine Albertz, Los Angeles, Cal, writes: "Ayer's Cathartic Pills cured me of a severe bilious attack, when the medicine given me by the doctors failed to do any good"
The Press., 1887-03-03

Ex-Judge Arnoux of New York says that the saloon traffic is an exception 10 the rule of demand and supply. In all legiti- mate business the demand creates the sup ply. but in the saloons the supply creates the demand. It has been proven in many cases that the consumption of liquor is re- duced by reducing the number of saloons, thus disprovng the assertion that just as much liquor will be drunk, whether there be 50 saloons or 500. A large amount of drinking is the result of temptation. A man who might be satisfied with one drink in one saloon, will take three drinks in three saloons if they stand in his way.
The Press., 1887-03-03

WHAT TRUE MERIT WILL Do.-The un- precedented sale of Boschee's German Syrup within few years, has astonished the world. It IS without doubt the safest and best remedy ever discovered for the speedy and effectual cure of Coughs, Colds and the severest Lung troubles 1t acts on an entirely different principe from the usual prescriptions given by Physicians, as it does not dry up a Cough and leave the disease still in the system. but on the contrary removes the cause of the trouble, heals the parts affected and leaves them in a purely healthy condition. A bottle kept in the house for use when the diseases make their appearance, will save doctors bills and long spell of serious illness. A trial will convince you of these facts. It is positively sold by all druggists and general dealers in the land. Price, 75 cents, large hOttles
The Press., 1887-03-03
TO CONSERVATIVES.

The undersigned having been re- stored to health by simple means, after suffering for several years with severe lung affection, and that dread disease Consumption, is anxious to make known to his fellow sufferers the means of cure. To those who desire it, he will cheerfully send Gree of charge) copy of the prescription used, which they willfnd 8 sure cure for Consumption, c Asthmas Catarrh, Bronchitis and all throat and lung Maladies. He as it is invaluable. Those desiring the. prescription, which will cost them noth- ing, and may prove blessing, will please address, REV. EDWARD A. WII- SON, Williamsburg Kings County, New York.
The Press., 1887-03-03
THE BEST

remedy, for all diseases arising from dis ordered condition of the stomach or liver, k Ayers Pills. Mrs. Rachel C. Decker ton, Germantown, Pa., writes: For three years was afflicted with Liver Complaint. TtrietI the best physicians i'll the country, but could get no relief. I was advised to use Ayers Pills, ands having done 30, believe my liver is now in q perfectly healthy condition" Thos. Gerrish, Webster, \. H., writes: "T was compelled to quit work in consequence of n severe bilious trouble. In less than one month I was cured by the use of Ayers Pills" Jacob Little, Tampico, Mexico, writes: !" Ayers Pills cured me of Stom- aelr and Liver troubles, which annoyed me for years. By using them occasionally, I enjoy the best of health."
The Press., 1887-03-03

Children starving to death on account of their inability to digest food, will find most marvellous food and remedy in Scotts Emul- sion. Very palatable and easily digested. Dr. 8. w. Cohen of Waco, Texas, says: II have used your Emulsion in Infantile wasting. It not only restores wasted tissues, but gives strength, and increases the appetite"
The Press., 1887-03-03

HALE'S HONEY is the best Cough Cure, 2S. soc, s1. GLENE's SULPHUR SOAP heals and heauti6cs, 2Sc- GERMAN CORN REMOVER kills Corus & Bunions, 2sc. HILLS HAIR & wHISKER DYE-Black & Brown, 5Oc
 PIXIES T00THAcHE DROPS cure in 1 Minute, 2Bc. DRAWS RHEUMATIC PILLS arc a sure euro, 5oc.
The Press., 1887-03-03

Accidents and how to deal with them, and other valuable medical information, will be found in Dr. Kaufmann's great Medical Work elegant colored plates. Send three g. cent stamps to pay postage to A. P. Ordway & O., Boston, Mass, and receive copy free.
The Press., 1887-03-03

'Chestnuts !" yelled several persons in the gallery at the minstrel show. ''That's right, gentlemen, !" responded Bones. eff you don't get what you want ask for it.''
The Press., 1887-03-03

WARRANTED THE BEsT.-If you have chapped hands, rough or chafed skin: you can he instantly cured by using Pearls White Gycerine. Do not take anything said 10 be just good. Sold by all
The Press., 1887-03-03

''How I do love liar" said Wheeler to Maj. Stofer, who had just told somewhat abnormal yarn.
 Stuck on yourself, eh?" replied the ma- jor, with infinite innocence, and Wheeler subsided
The Press., 1887-03-03

HoUsEKEEPERs READ THIs.-Ask your grocer and marketman for Sperry & Barnes goods. All their products are rst-class and free from adulteration Hams shoulders breakfast bacon, lard, sparerib and sausage are manufactured in New Haven, Conn.
The Press., 1887-03-03
THE LAUNDRY-MAID's, $

THE LAUNDRY-MAID'S 3s Picture. is unsurpassed in popularity. Requests for it are coming in constantly from all parts of the West, MexicO,' South America and Europe. Before they are gone, send 26 Welcome - Wrappers to 0 U R TT IS, D WIS & CO.,, Boston, and get one. When this lot has been sent out, no more can be had.
The Press., 1887-03-03
MALARIA
 And Fever and Ague.

Mclaughlin s Ague Pills have for years been used in the Malarianfected districts of New Jersey and the Hudson River. If used according to direc- tions they are certain remedy To be obtained of tne Staiord springs druggists, or by sending price S& will De mailed. p0stpad by the proprietor A. J, MCLAUGHLIN, Greenwich, New York Good five agents wanted. Address as above.
The Press., 1887-03-03

London Globe: The following lines, the authorship of which is anonymous, have a sort of topical bearing at this time:
 Among the men, what dire divisions rise For ''Union' one, No Union" t'other cries. Shame on the sex that such dispute began Ladies are all for Union-to @ man!
The Press., 1887-03-03

U0TT can live at home, and make more HfIE money at work for us, than at anything
 EHVH else in this world. Capital not needed {;
 & " " you started free Both sexes; ali ages. Any one can do the work. Lafge earnings sure from first start. Costly outfit and terms free Better not delay. Costs you nothing to send your address and find out if you are wise you will do SO at once. Fl. HALLET 6 Co., Portland, Maine.
The Press., 1887-03-03
EUROPEAN PLAN.

Rooms only One Dollar per day. Hatf minutes walk from Brooklyn Bridge and Elevated H K. All lines of cars pass the door. Most convenient Hotel in New York for merchants to stop at Dining rooms. cafe, and Lunch Counter repete with all eluxuries at moderate prices. 22jy1y
The Press., 1887-03-03

hYSPEPSlA.-Its Nature Causes PrcveRtlon AO and Cure. By JOHN H. MoALvIN, Lowell, Mass l4 years Tax Collector. Sent free to any address,
The Press., 1887-03-03

Reply by "Anonyma :"
 Manl ifyou know the sex you rhyme of, you'll
 Find they are all for Union-with HomeRule.
The Press., 1887-03-03
FRENcHss HOTEL.

CITY HAIL SQUARE, NEW YORK;
 Opposite City Hall and the Post Office This Hotel is one of the most com pete in it's ap- pointments and furniture of any house in New York City and is conducted on the
The Press., 1887-03-03

F RMS on James River, Va, in Claremon A AAAVAAA0 Colony. Illustrated circular free J. F. MANCHA Claremont, Virginia.
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1887-04-26
MINNEAPOLIS GLOBULEs.

Yesterday, St Marks day, was celebrated
in the various Episcopal churches.
small fire at the residence of A. A. Acton,
1928 Pleasant place, did $T5 VOL tn of damage
yesterday morning.
The Holy Name society. of South Mime
apOlis, will attend the funeral Of the late
Patrick Daley this morning.
Articles Incorporating the American Life
association were filed yesterday by Ed W.
Stevens, Samuel Potts, A. E. Major and Others
The Democratic city committee will meet at
the Algonquin club rooms Wednesday even
ing next. All members are requested to be
present.
Fred Warne. the elevator man in Temple
court, had his left hand badly crushed yester-
day afternoon. A new hand cable was being
put in, and Warne was on top of the cage
when it took an upward start, jamming him
against the cross beams and catching his
hand between the cage and the side.
John T. Kelly drew an immense audience at
the dime museum last night. MIR. Kelly ap-
peared in new conceit, entitled 90 Reagan s
Racket, and scored q distinct hit. The
piece is full OF laughable situations and was
applauded throughout. This is Mr.. Kelly g
last apr earance here this season. Friday the
ladies will receive present.
Marriage licenses were issued Yesterday to
William Schlender and Bertha Wagner;
Charles H. Guthrie and Carrie V. Tappan;
Gust Peterson and Carrie Manson: John E.
Dunn and Therasia Littel: Thortou W. Hall
and Carrie. Nj. Swain; C. A. Linda and Ida
Johnson, Thomas +. Cam and Maude Hen
vile; Andrew Jackson and Lizzie Mitchell.
The novel and unique performance of
merry Wives of Windsor" by those lnimita-
bic comedians, Robson and Crane filed the
Grand last night with fine audience Elm.
mated of all the Objectionable features OF the
full text, the old comedy is put on in perfect
style and ELECTED round after round of an
plause. The same bill will be given this even
St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1887-04-26
COLLEGE TEETOTALERS.
State convention of College PrOhi.
hitIOn Clubs.

The convention of delegates from the
College Prohibition clubs of the state met
at the Murphy club rooms yesterday.
About fifty men represented the State Uni
verSty, Hamline, Carleton, McAlIster, St.
Olaf and Augsburg. Reports from the in
stitutions represented. show that there is a
strong prohibition following among the col
lege men of the state. Walter L. Mills
secretary OF the National Inter Collegiate
association, made ar address strongly urg-
ing organization and connection with his
association. A speech in the Scandina-
Wan language was delivered by Prof. Rein
stad, of Augsburg seminary. Prof. Rein
stad was followed by T. R. Glow. who
read paper on intercollegiate work. At
the afternoon session, after listening to
several interesting papers. state organiza-
ton was effected, the following officers be-
ing elected: President F. r. Glow, of
Carleton college; vice president, G. S.
Perry, of Hamline university; secretary.
Mr. Irwin, of McAllister college: treasurer,
Charles Thompson, of the State university.
At 1870 o'clock Sam Jones delivered STIR
ring temperance speech, his principal point
being that high license did not tend toward
prohibition, but Oh the contrary led away
from it,