The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-06-02
manitomof pilot.
THURSDAY, JUNE 2, 1887.
WIT AND HUMOR.

The word ''jugulate" has become
current in Western journalism Po-
Ecemen are more apt to jug-you-late
than any other class OF men.-NeW
| HaUen News.
| An exchange has an article on line
Rise and Fall of the Poet" One i'm
portant point is omitted, however, and
that is the length of the stairs.-Bur-
Lingtor7 Free Press.
What's the trouble here, Mickey?"
Don't you know? There's street
| car tie-up." 30, l see. That's why SO
many people are standing around IN
knots. '-Ptiladelphta Call.
Young wife-I took great pains with
that cucumber salad, John, and l hope
you enjoyed it. Husband Cautiously
I'm afraid, my dear, that l took
great pains with it, too.-Neo York
Sun.
We don't question the statement
that George Washington never told
lie, but he certainly was never asked
by fond mother what he thought Of
her cute little baby. - Washington
Critic.
80, Ella" said Clara, II think Lily
and her beau have quarreled. why"
replied Ella, "what makes you think
SOP" "Well, her parlor has been bril-
liantly lit every evening lately. "-NeU
York Sun.
Mrs. Brown How elegantly that
dress fits you! What pity the ma
terial !, so cheap! Mrs. Jones-The
goods in your dress are really superb.
What a pity it doesn't fit you.-Har-
per's Baz0r.
Some of the tip-top in society say
1.-THE low-necked dress must 60"
They will please say which way it
must 90, in time to warn those who
wish to take to the woods before it
goes lower.-NeaO Orleans Picayune.
Hark! What's that? That? That's
brass band. What are they out for
tonight l wonder? Out to get the
air, of course. And, by the way, |
| should think from the sound that they
| hadn't found it yet.-LoaDeH Citizen.
| Only girl who has run a typewriter
at S. per week and finally marries her
| employer can enter dry-goods store
| per week. It's no use for a million
aires wife to try it. = Detroit Free
Press.
How is it l find you in prison, my
| MANI" 1T was a mistake, sir, that
| brought me here-indeed, | might say
blunder." How SOP" Il only stole
a thousand dollars when / could just
as easily have taken $4,000. Pitts
6urg Dispatch.
A book agent who invaded the King
| dom of King M'wanga of Africa was
captured by order of his Majesty and
| quartered into seventeen pieces. The
agent was selling a fashion magazine,
and the King has 1000 wiyes.-NorriS-
t0aOn Herald.
Wife of rich rural Californian at
her first grand dinner. The Colonel
offers his arm: Il am TO have the
pleasure of taking you out to dinner,
Mrs. A" Rich rural wife: $50 long
| with you; my husband is here; take
your own wife out!"-Puck.
20, Charley" she exclaimed, "what
| beautiful arbutus! and did you really
| pick them YOURSELF" Yeds," said
Charley, Il bickkd EN- bysef, BECAUSE
I thaughe you'd prige 'em bore than
if l boughd 'em ad a (chew-hasp-k'-
chem! eggschuge beD foridt's. '-New
York San.
Lily Secretary of the cooking class)
Now, girls, we've learned nine cakes,
| two kinds OF angel food, and seven
pies, What next? Susie (engaged)-
Dicks father says | must learn to bake
bread. Indignant chorus - Breadp
Absurd! What are bakers forp-Pstts-
burg Bulletin.
Texan-Yes, mebbe you wouldn't
| think it, but | made my pile out
of watered stock. Newly orker-I
shouldn't judge 50 from your appear
ance. Texan-No, perhaps not; but
! you can't expect to make much out of
the creeturs if you let 'em go thirsty.
-Nea0 Haven NeUs.
A crowded horse-car. Enter Mrs.
Mulcahey, with a jug. Mr.. Mahoney,
who is seated, facetiously - Wud l
| hould the whisky fur yez, Mistress
MulcaheyP Mrs. M. with whitening
sarcasm) -Thank yez kindly, sor, but
| We have all We can hould now, I'm
thinking.-AIbany argus.
Have you Hours of Idleness' hereP"
the maiden asked, as she sauntered in
to the secondhand book store. mo,
we haven't miss, said the youth be-
hind the counter THE boss is an old
sklnflint, and when we amt doing any
business he keeps US busting the
books. "-B0Sto7a Courier.
| ''Ah! what's thisP" exclaimed the
intelligent cOmpOsitor. "'Sermons in
stones, books in the running brooks?'
That can't be right | have it! He
means Sermons in books, stones in the
running brooks That's sense" And
that is how the writer found it. And
yet he was not happy.-Boston Tran
script
Two laborers met upon street cor
ner and one of them with kindly in
terest said: How are you doing, Pat?"
my life" What are you working at?"
! 80, I'm a real-estate conveyancer."
And what in honor's name is that?"
why. I'm driving a dump-cart, man"
Boston Budget.
1t is related in Buffalo, n Y, that a
| faithful workman who had injured his
| hand while engaged in extra dangerous
work was having it attended to by
| surgeon when the foreman hurried in
and said: Sam, what time was it
when you got hurt?" About 4
o'clock. Why do you ask?" 80 1 may
know when to dock you"
Il amt much in a city like New
| York" said Col. Blood, who had been
drinking all the evening at Dumley's
I Expense, "but down in the blue grass
recio,,, I'm reckoned pretty big gun"
Yes. Cor,nel, asserted Dumley as he
WV round ..ron n 70 q h;or