Morning journal and courier., 1887-09-03
SOME OF OUR TROUBLES.
A Newspaper Paragrapher of Exper
 ence Knows All About Them.

1uo trouDle WILL gooO many Inen IS InaG they spend so much time admiring their own ability that they don't let other people have a chance to see that they have any ability to admire.
 The trouble with great many women is that they can't find some particular selected man who will appreciate them as they feel in their palpitating hearts that every woman should be appreciated.
 The trouble with good many girls is that they don't find out what they want until some time after they have had the sad con- elusion forced upon them that what they want doesn't want them.
 The trouble with good many boys is that they think the red grapes that grow on neighbours vine, and that have to be picked after dark, are good deal sweeter and better than the ripe black grapes that grow on their own vines, and can be gathered in the bright sunlight of publicity.
 The trouble with great many editors is that they don't think one-half as mucn as they write.
 The trouble with great many readers is that they don't understand how much easier it is to point out tree in a magnificent land scape that is a hairs breath out of perspec- tive than it is to paint the magnificent land scape itself.
 The trouble with good many Vassar grad uates is that they know more about expedi- tious ways of getting from the second story down to the lower hall than they do about making christian bread. The trouble with almost all the ministers is that they don't hear other ministers preach often enough to know what really first class bang up sermon is. The trouble with most of the horse car con- ductors is that they haven't eyes enough in the back of their heads to satisfy the public.
 The trouble with good many of the school teachers is that the present school year is div | ided wrong; instead of being forty weeks | it should be forty weeks vacation and twelve l weeks school. l The trouble with two thirds of the boys and girls in the public schools is that they don't have ffty-three weeks vacation ev. | cry year, with an additional week on lear l year.
 | The trouble with most of the people iu 1 this misguided world is that they waste sc ! much time thinking of their own virtues and enterprises that they don't have iiesure to see
 how laudable and useful your little schemes are.
 The trouble with the young man in love l is that he is insane enough to think that al ! the other young men are making just as big | fools of themselves about his best girl as h, is.
 The trouble with the young woman in low
 is that she doesn't know whether she reall,
 loves the young man for himself alone or fo
 the caramels he brings and the prospec 1 of a solitaire diamond to dazzle the othe
 girls.
 The trouble with a small boy is that hi
 big sister never was a small boy hersel
 and so she doesn't know how a small boy feels.
 The trouble with the small girl is that sh,
 isn't bigger.
 The trouble with the big girl is tha
 every pair of scales she steps on gives he ! a weigh.
 The trouble with the compositor is tha
 most learned men haven't added the art o
 writing to all the accomplishments that hay
 made themfamous.
 The trouble with most learned men is tha
 those darned compositions never learned t. read.
 The trouble with the proof-reader is tha
 both the learned men and the darned com
 positors expect him to know everythin
 that both of them never knew or have for
 gotten.
 The trouble with the purist in grammer i
 that people will persist in thinking ths
 things themselves are more important thai
 how you say them.
 The trouble with lots of cats is that the
 don't get enough dreanless sleep these Aug l ust nights.
 The trouble with milliners is that tn
 women-folks don't get so enthusiastic ove , their bills as they do over their bonnets. l The trouble with the office boy is very ofte
 that he has got an assistant.
 The trouble with Julius Csssar is that he ! dead.
 . l, E that they are living. The trouble with the average wife ! that her husband is more prodigal wit his protestations of affection than he } with his money and that he doesn't was much of either unless he wants a butto , sewed on. The trouble with the average husban is that he knows his wife knows he isn | so big man as he wants the world to thin he is
 , The trouble with the people generally , that they can't always have what they wan and they seldom think they want what the have; that they see their own virtues an
 other peoples vices with a magnifying glas and turn the telescope the wrong end t when they look at their own vices an other peoples virtues; that they grumbl : when things go wrong instead of goin - | to work to make things go right; that the cry over spilled milk when all in all probabi ity the milk has all the water that it can stan l already.
 The trouble with the minstrel is that tt ) newspaper paragraph writers steal all his be- ) jokes and then cry Chestnut" when 3 repeats them. The trouble with newspaper paragrap 3 I writers is vice versa. The trouble with continuing this sort l thing all through the paper-but there's I - trouble in that. The trouble would be in ge
 ting folks to read it.