The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1887-01-13
Mr.. AND MRS. eowseR.

How Meek Mrs. b. Triumphed Over Her
Ambitious and Learned Lord.
Mr.. Bowser is great man to ''break
out in spots" The other evening, after
he had lighted cigar and got his feet
braced on the mantel, he suddenly OBJ
served:
"Mrs. Bowser, has it never occurred
to you to call me JudgeP"
'.Never!'' promptly replied. for he
had complained of the biscuit at supper.
"Nor Colonel""
"Now
"While could probably have gone
to the Supreme Bench, or been COM
nissioned Colonel" he softly con-
tinued, II did not care for the honor
am not one, Mrs. Bowser, to clutch at
titles in order to lift myself up, but I
didn't know but it might please you to
be known as Mrs. Judge Bowser.''
II don't want the title"
Every well, Mrs. Bowser. If you
have no care for social distinction I'm
sure haven't. If your ambition is to
plank yourself in the house with that
wall-eyed baby and pay no attention to
the demands of society might as well
join another lodge"
felt bit conscience-stricken over
the way had acted, and after awhile I
went out and told the cook to call him
Judge when she came in with the last
scuttle of coal. Wien she came she
managed to bump him to give her an
excuse for saying: Excuse me, Con-
stable-excuse mel"
There was solemn silence fof five
minutes after she left the room. Then
Mr.. Bowser observed:
perhaps, on the whole, Mrs. Bow
ser, it would be as well not to attempt
to call me by any title. Hired help is
SO stupid, you know"
On a late occasion. as our fireside was
scene of peace and happiness, Mr..
Bowser softly remarked:
"Mrs. Bowser, whenever it comes
handy you'd better throw out hints to
your lady friends that you were edu-
Gated abroad.
"WhyP"
"Well, it will increase their respect
for you"
"But I was educated in the little red
school house at Perryville, you know,
and have never been out of the State"
"Don't talk SO loud, as Jane may be
listening! told friend only the
other day that I was educated abroad.
and had been through all the art gal
leries of Europe"
''What place did you say you studied
| atp''
Zanzibar"
"Why, my dear, that's in African
at is! Now that shows what you
know! Zanzibar is in Germany. Mrs.
Bowser, don't want to crow over you
on the subject of education, but when
you display such lamentable ignorance
of geography have to feel glad that
my school days were not wasted"
II say it's in Africa!"
'.Mrs. Bowser!''
''And I'll prove it by my atlas!'
IF you do I'll give you fifty dollars
in CASH."
| got out the atlas, and there, over
on the east coast of the Dark Continent
was Zanzibar, as every school-child
knows.
"Tl take that fifty" quietly re.
marked.
"No, you won't! Some fool of map.
maker has gone and got drunk and
mixed things up, and I'm not going to
pay for it. When I know that Zanzi
bar is in Germany know it just as well
as the atlas or anybody else."
"Did this friend of yours ask yor
what old master you preferred?"
Eyes, ma'am, and I was posted there
too. You may think 1 go sloshine
around with both eyes shut and my
tongue hanging out, Mrs. Bowser. bu1
that's where you are dead lame. I tole
him Longfeller."
"Mr. Bowser!'
"What now! You don't spose
said Sam Patch or Buffalo Bill, de-
you?''
"But Longfellow was not a painter al
all, he was poet"
He drew in his breath until his fact
was as red as beet, and he jumped NJ
and down and hourished his arms like
windmill, and finally got voice t.
roar out:
"Tll bet you nine hundred Thousand
million quadrillion dollars to that ole
back comb in your hair! Mrs. Bowser
such assumption and assurance on youl
part is unbearable!"
"Jane may hear you."
"Jane be hanged. and you. too! Mrs
Bowser, 1 demand an apology for thi
insultr'
"Wait till I prove that Longfellov
was not an artist, but poet"
"I'll give you million dollars if 20,
do it."
got down the volume of poems b,
Longfellow which Mr.. Bowser hat
given me year before, and then I wen
to the encyclopedia and made a tigh
case on him. He was at first inclined
to give in, but directly he struck tn,
table such a blow that baby screamed
out, and then shouted:
II see how it is! You are looking
for Longfellow all the time, and dis
tinctly stated that it was Long teller
If the printers have got drunk and lef
the name out am to blame?"
''Mr. Bowser, believe will say
was educated abroad. will do it t,
please you"
"Oh! you will! Well, you needn'
do any thing of the kind! Folks woult
all know by your freckles that you sa
in the sun in some country schoo
foundry! Mrs. Bowser, you've broker
up the peace of this fireside by you
malicious conduct, and you needn't 81
up for me tonight. 1 may not com
home before tomorrow. ."-Detr0it Ere
Press.
Not Very Polite.
Il l. Il.