Tombstone epitaph., 1887-08-06
MT. Jones Has an Evening at Home.
-[Harper's Bazar,

'Maria," said Mr. Jones, as he sat and enjoyed an evening at home-bc- cause he had no place else to go-''it seems to me that on suspicious occa- sion like this"-and he looked fondly at her-."as if heaven and home were anonymous terms.
 "Sia-onomous, Corrected Mrs Jones taking several pins and ball of twine out of her mouth and placing patch on that part of Willie's pants where it would do the most good, "Jephtha, why don't you read aloud evenings, in stead of keeping all the good things to yourself?'
 '1s reading aliowed?" asked Jones, innocently. 'I thought you preferred to talk"
 "Well, do," snapped Mrs J., ''when l have somebody to talk to, which isn't very often"
 'I'll read" exclaimed Jones, hur- riedly reversing the book he held in bis hand-'And it came to pass"
 ''Save that for Sunday" interrupted Mrs. Jones. "Read some sweet thing about home, or the friends; some poet ". love to hear you read poetry,
 
 Thus encouraged, Jones, who is an amateur elocutioDist and has fired tho peighborhood with his dramatic read .ngs in times past, till the neighbors threatened to fire him seized a volume of poetry and, in the voice that made ''Freedom shrick when Kosciusco fell," read aloud that touching poem begin. ming:
 (Which shall it be, which shall 1, be?
 looked at John John looked Ut me-"
 There was silence which could have been felt with a rolling-pin when Jones ceased to read, and wiped the f5am- fecks from his pallid lips, and Maria was in tears.
 'I know you've wakened the boys," she said, in q voice that sounded small and still after his, "and they'll want drink"
 ''The childrenr' murmured Jones, with iixeI eyes, "the dear, sweet child. ren! M-M-Maria, do We 'preciate these dear ones as We ought to9"
 Il do, said Mrs. Jones, shortly. Il hear them talking now-where's my shpper?"
 No, Maria. returned Jones, whose soul was melted within him by his cf- forts in the line of elocuton, ~ will go and sec if the innocent darlings need anything" And he went up stairs soft ly. repeating with Salvini-Rossi-Bootb effect:
 (Which shall it be, which shall it be2 looked ut John-John looked at ne" The innocent darlings" heard him coming, and dcsisting from pillow light in which they were engaged they buried their heads in the sheets and were instantly sound asleep, looiiu. like dimplcd cherubs, with sn occa- sional snore to assert their relation to the human. Jones wiped the salt tears of love and elocution from his eyes, snd bent fondly over them; then he crept out and waited moment in the hall to listen to their gentle breathing: suddenly it ceased
 'Is the old man gone?' were the words of Cherub No. ], as soon as he got the sheet out of his mouth. 'Yes," answered Cherub No. ?, ''he was a-crying, Willie. Ain't he dufIer, thought"
 'I'll strike him for five cents to-nlor- row; see if don't"
 ''Oh. he'll be himself again to-mor- row. Willie; he'llstamp around and say, Get out of my way, little inps, just | as he allus does. don't take no sock | in him, don't"
 Lets play we was pa" suggested | Willie. "Where's them boys? I'U teach | them to touch my papar i'U tan their | hides for 'em. L'N show 'cm who's the master in this housei'
 When Jones got back to the sitting room his face was red-very rcd--and his eyes wore vengciul glare. Mrs. Jones looked up at him as he stalked in, and asked innOcentlv:
 "Switch shall it be, switch shall it beP''
 "Both!' shouted the enraged parent. ''Of all the unruly brats l ever saw, ] do think, Maria, ours are tue worst. I'll lather them both tomorrow.