The comet. (Johnson City, Tenn.) 1884-1916, 1887-08-04
JOHNSON CITY, TENN, THURSDAY, AUGUST 4 1887

h"lS"" NOSVOi P"ViOiiV NhO bOOh
twelve white and twelve blue seidlitz-
powders separately. Fat old ladies
are daily dipped up in ladies on all
our city thoroughiares, and borne
away in tubs to adjacent ice-cream sa-
looms to be remodeled and frozen
over. Boots are often found in the
streets, filled with rancid grease, and
broad-brimmed hat resting on the
straps the owner having just thawed
away, melted down, till nothing more
was left of him. All the wax figures in
our museum chambers-oi-horrors have
run together, so that George Wash
ington is "stuck on" Nina VanZandt
and Napoleon Bonaparte, Wellington
and Adelina Patti mingle in an omelet
OF many-colored beeswax. Bright
eyes sparkle like flashing horseshoes
on village blacksmith s anvil
Heaping Goals of fire on your enemy's
head is the easiest command in the
scriptures to obey. All the popcorn
patches in Illinois have popped in
stead of sprouting, and the hills are
full Of red-white-and blue popcorn
balls, ready for the next circus season.
Fishermen in all the lakes about Ocon-
omowoc, at Chautauqua and Creve
C@ur, are catching boiled trout and
pickerel with chill sauce.
The tinkle OF brooklets, the gentle
murmur of cascades, is dried before it
gets twenty feet from the banks into
the rattle of hot pebbles or the harsh
clatter of hurting buckshot. The
soft-breathing notes OF the serenading
lovers tuneful larynx and harmonious
feline intestines are parched, before
they reach his white-robed idols sec
ond-story window into the dry, dead
cackle of singed buffalo hide or a
burnt shoe-sole. The very "milk of
human kindness" has evaporated be-
meath the solar torridity, and left moth
ing but little dusty chalk and indigo,
Rivers, creeks, horse-ponds, lakes and
duck-puddles in many regions have
vamoosed like bank cashiers or alder
manic boodlers, and naught but strag-
Cling daubs of slime remain to tell one
where they were Catfish, eels and
tadpoles are running all over the
country with tin cups in their mouths,
asking everybody they meet to give
them drink of water. Baptist re-
vivals are brought to a standstill
Noah's freshet would hardly moisten
the truck-patches of Zion. All crea-
ton is scorched and athirst. Chantic.
leers matin hymn sounds like it were
piped through the thigh-bone OF q
observation-disclosures rs-shriveled mum
my of the Pharaohs, and the flutter
ing of his wings resembles the clash
ing together of charred saddle-haps
Even Ret Clarkson's watery yawp'
for Blaine over IN Iowa have lost theil
juiciness, and grown hoarse and hus
ky as the rasping of a donkey's hoo
with rusty file.
Reader-friend, if it is so hot in this
beautiful world of lakes, rivers anC
cascades, of cloudwreathed peaks anC
misty wales, of oceans, rivulets, rills
soda-pop and gin-fzzes, think what i
: must be in that devils and politicians
realm where the roasted millionaire,
incarnation of selfishness and greco
begs, through all eternity's counties
: ages for one drop of water from dog
: licked beggar's fnger-tipl Think 0
it, and keep away from there. Thin
! OF it and flee to the glorious, wind
: swept, lake-gemmed summerland c
! the New Northwest that lies along tn
; lines of the Chicago & Northwestern
; the Manitoba and the Canadian Paci
ic railways-the summerland of DG
. kota and Manitoba-where everybod
u u is still wearing winter hannels an
y buffalo overcoats, and sleeping undt
. double blankets where "the sun sha
. not smite thee by day, nor the moo
j by night" and where life is a perpe
. ual dream Of bliss too bright, too beau
: tiful for common earth.