The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1887-06-24
VOL. XXXII----NO. rs.
VARIETIES.

Now mind YOU" whispered servant
girl to her neighbor, IL don't say that missus
drinks, but between you and !, the decanter
don't keep full all day
An old colored preacher, after exhaust
ing himself on an attempt to describe heaven
wound up thus: II tell you, my brethren,
it is very Kentucky of place."
-Mistress-"Bridget, everything in the
house is covered with dust. | can't stand
this any longer" Bridget-"Do as lido,
mum; don't pay any attention TO it."
One cold day a belle stopped and bought
a paper ola ragged newsboy. Poor fellowp'
she said, "aint You very cold ?" ~ was
ma'am, before J on smiled" was the reply.
An agricultural exchange asks chow TO
make hogs pay" This is hard question to
answer. The best way to avoid the difficulty
Is not to sell hog anything unless he pays
for it in advance.
The contemplation of beauty in nature in
art in literature, in human character, diffuses
through our being soothing and subtle joy,
by which the hearts anxious and aching
cares are softly smiled away.
Tender Hearted Young Lady-"Oh
you cruel, heartless little wretch, to rob those
poor birds of their eggs" Wicked Little
Boy.-"Ho that's the old one at you've got
on yer bonnet. Guess she won't care"
1t is no longer fashionable to eat grapes
with the fingers" observed an eminent fash
ion journal. Hereafter grapes will be eaten
with the mouth, like turnips or any other
plebeian food. Truly the world moves.
You can't convince a young man whose
best girl has just said YES" that this country
Is going TO wreck and understandable
Journal
But you can't convince young man whose
best girl has just said mo" that this country
is worth saving Whitehall Times
Penny wise and pound foolish are the
shopkeepers who do not patronze literally
their home paper. Who are the successful
business men in this country? They are the
men who are not afraid to invest in printers
ink. No man will he successful in business
unless he advertises freely.
The dcacon's wife wanted to jot down
the text, and leaning over to her scape-
grace nephew, she whispered "Haye YOU
card about your "You can't play in
church" was the solemn, reproving answer;
and the good woman was so illustrated that
she forgot all about the text"
"A newly-made Benedict, while laZily
slrolling along one day last week. was met
by friend who in bachelor days had been a
boon companion. "Hello, old fellow, glad 10
see you once more" was the salutation; then,
in the same breath, accompanying hearty
hand shake, came the natural query "How
do you like married life9" "Well, you know"
drawled the Benedict, with limp smile, 81
never get very enthusiastic about anything"
1t is easy to ask a conundrum, but it is
not always so easy to give the exact answer
when your hearers give it up" Some
years since, at q dinner party in Maine,
Judge Shepley asked "Why is woman like
the ivy! Into everybody's mind came Try
ing's beautiful comparison but no one SEEM
ed able to put it into words. The answer,
"The greater the ruin the closer she clings,"
is certainly a creditable sentiment, but the
Judge unfortunately got things mixed, and in
his confusion said: "The closer she clings
the greater the ruin" which set the table in
a roar.
DIR. Wilcox, the famous Boston organst,
once went to distant city to give an organ
concert in a Unitarian church. The organ
blower was q stout old darkey, who certainly
felt all the importance of his own share in
the proceedings. He confided to me before
the concert that he feared he should not be
able to give the great player wind enough,
and encouraged him as we'll as could
When the concert was over he approached
me and said, as dat DR.. Wilcox, sure enuf?"
Eyes" said. "Humph! 1t doan seem to
me dat he's such a great player like dey
makes out" why not?" "Well, sir, tell
the trufe, he doan use no more win dan dc
gemman what plays heah cherry Sunday"