Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1887-07-15
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.

come ford" said Brother Gardner as
the dust settled down and the mem
bers got their feet drawn in.
Lord John, who is young man
and young member, made his way
up the centre aisle and as he reached
the Presidents desk the latter
continues:
"Brudder Buckhorn, | h'ar dat you
ar taikin' bout tower to Yurup, an
you is sayin' y'u is gwine to rent a
box in de pos offs, an you has bin
talkin' considerable bout ownin' some
pine lands down in Alabama.
"Yes, sah."
ar y,u gwine to tower to Yu
rur''
IN no, sa,.."
Got yer box in de pos offs picked
OUT"
Not Wit, sah.''
"An' 'spose dem pine lands in
Alabama ar all in your eyes?"
"4 yes, sab "
81 reckon so. You ar young man,
an you has de swell-head an want to
swell out. You want to be tooken
fur a mIllyonaire. when you doan'
ai'rn but seben dollars a week and
you am wearin' hat of de style of
three Vars ago Brudder Buckhorn,
| want to spoke few plain words to
you.
when dat disease called de swell
head keeps grip on a young man
arter he has passed his twenty-fo'th
birthday he am party sartin to even
locally bring up in de lunatic asylum
or de poo house.
"De pusson who goes aronn pur-
tendin' to be what he amt, he's laid
out TO hoe de hardest kind of row. He
may fool few ole women and young
chill'en, but de rest of de world w.ll
tumble to him fur what he Is Mt
only dat, but dey will despise him fur
his hypocrisy. Samuel Shin, who
arps bout 70 dollars week, could
circulate aroun' an tell de people he
WAS gwine to open a nashunal bank
or build an elevator or organize u
steamboat line. He might git dol
lars WORT Of credit ut some c)'ner gro
cery, an some shoemaker might put
lift on one Of his heels an chalk it
down, but in u few weeks Samuel
would take powerful drop, an when
he came down de concsussion would jar
de buttons off his shirt.
"Spose'n, Brudder Buckhorn. dat
Jay Gould should go aroun claimin'
he writ de works OF Shakespeare, or dat
de Mayor Of Buffalo should bob up
an declar' dat he writ Paradise Lost !.
Can't vou h'ar de dul! thud with
which dey would strike de airth in
about ten days:
"Jist sot ,ersrlf down some day an
,magine what would hev bsppened
had H"race Greeley claimed dat he
was George de Fourth, or had John
Jacob Astor assertel dat he was Capt.
Kidd.
IL say to Won. Brudder Buckhorn.
drap it. Be who you. ar an what
you AR. IT you git mp to eight dol
lars week, let DE v"rli know it. If
you drap back to- s. doan' lie about it.
An, about your disease. 1t doan' kerry
a person of. like gallopin' consum.
shun or typhoid fever, but it holds
him up to the ridicule an contempt
Of all sensible. men. 1t might help
you to soak your head in pail Of
warm water If it doan', you'd better
put Yer head between two freight
kvars an let EN- come together on We,
Iou may now rosooms yer seat, an II
. d.. ailm-nt coutiners to grow on W
I'll look about for some remedy which
de club Kin amply"
. NOT ACCEPTED.
Tne Secretary announced com
munication from Prof. Fidelity Jack,
son, of birmingham, Ala. offering to
come to Detroit for small sum oi
money and deliver before the Lime
Kiln Club his address on: "Why We
; Don't live 1000 Years"
Waydown B-bee moved that the Of
fer be accepted, hut Giveadam Jones
objected. Oa his recent visit to
Birmingham lie took ii night prom
ena'e through section of the city
called "Buzzards' Roost." 1t was in
habited by colored people alone, and
he was introduced to the Professor rs
the hardest case, next to Joe Price,
in The Roost. Mr.. Jones Guild we'll
imagine why the Professor wouldn't
live 2.COO years. Three cent beer,
forty rod bulge and the clubs of the
police in Birmin' an would soon
grow the daisi s over his mortal re-
mains. Brother Gardner instructed
tho Secretary t" reply to the Professor
that his address was not wanted and
that in case he came this way he had
better leave D.t-oit about five miles
on his port of starboard bow.
REFFERRED.
The following communication from
the Chamber Of Commerce of Poplar
Grove, Ark. was then read:
Bro. Gardner:
The undersigned. being unable to
, understand the meaning, object and
intention of the getting up and put
, ting through Of the Interstate Com
, merce bill, write to you to know about
, it. Was it done far the benefit of the
railroads? We think it was, as it bene
fits them alone. There has not been
one single instance in which it has
. lowered freights, but in nearly ever,
case, it has made them higher A
g friend at my elbow says it Is for their
benefit Knowing you to be posted
on all public matters we write you
Please present this to our whole lodge
: and get their reply under the sea
< Of the lodge, and the seal must have
the pictures on, too.
Respectfully submitted,
i OLD jim SMITH,
= Secretary Chamber Of Commerce