The weekly Floridian. [volume] (Tallahassee, Fla.) 1867-19??, 1887-09-15


find one or other of these three safeguards
broken down."-Scientiic american.
Why do not women get bald 2' asks
an exchange. 1t seems to as that any
one ought to be able to answer that.
It's because they don't have wives.
Il say, Jenkins, can you tell young,
tender chicken from an old tough one -
"Of course l can" swell, how ?"
"By the teeth" "Chickens have no
teeth" "No, but have"
"A veteran was relating his exploits
to crowd of boys, and mentioned having
been in five engagements. "That's moth
ing?" broke in little shaver. "My sis
ter Sarah's been engaged eleven times"
=" What dislike about the large ho-
tells. said Miss Culture" is their gregari-
ousness." Well," responded the Chi
cago maiden, rather bewildered, these
fancy puddings never did agree with me
either"
-Husband-Are you going to the hop
tonight?
-Wife-Yes.
Husband-Well, you had better 90 up
@u0 uuuioes Iuen. AIS almost
time.
-" My DEAR" said the elegant Mr..
Smoothemdown to his wife, "why this
unprecedented delay in the preparation
of the matutinal refreshments ?"
You old fool, if You mean why break
fast amt ready, it's because you was too
lazy to git up and split the wood"
Wife Ito husband who has Just re-
turned from visit $50 you intend to go
back again some time?
Husband-Yes.
Wife-You must have felt perfectly at
home.
Husband-O no; 1 enjoyed myself
very much.
Not long ago we'll known artist sent
to lady whom he had met several times
one OF his best pictures handsomely framed
as souvenir gift. The next day he re-
ceived note from the lady, in which she
thanked him for the picture, but begged to
return the frame, as she made it a rule
never to accept anything valuable as a
gift from gentleman.-Neso York TYi6-
une
-Patron-That last meet you sold me
was stale.
Butcher-Was it?
Patron-Yes, it was, and mighty stale.
Butcher-I can show you something
ahead of that meat for staleness.
Patron-Don't believe it. What?
Butcher-Your account on my books.
Omaha Herald
-" What noble thing this new Sun
day law is !" gushed out Cora. alt keeps
30 many men from spending their wages
in drink.
:" But it is very inconvenient Just the
same" returned Merit. al hear they in
tend 70 close up the ice cream saloons
next Sunday"
40 my p calculated Cora, it's hate
full law after all, isn't it ?''
Fiancee (of hideous, but fabulously rich
man)--Have you been shaved?
The Man-Yes.
Fiancee-Have plenty of perfume on?
The Mar-Yes.
Fiancee-No tobacco in your mouth
The Man-No.
Fiancee-Well, you can kiss my poodle,
then.
Bill Nye was travelling recently on
the Chicago and Northwestern road
purchase book of humorous sketches.
Much to his amazement Mr.. Nye discov-
cred that the book was entirely composed
of articles from his own intellectual lack
plane, number of which had been copy
righted. He had never before heard of
the existence of the volume, and he i'm
mediately began suit against tbs publish
ers for $780, 900 damages for Infringement
of copyright.
81 am 30 busy" said young Softly
Sophomore. have no time to think.h
:" can let you have plenty of time" said
the professor, coldly, "but isn't there
something else you need to do thinking
With" And long, long after recitation,
when it was hours too late, young Softly
bethought him that he should have said
Yes, but you have none OF that to spare,
professor" Thus oft our brightest
thoughts and happiest inspirations side
track and wait for a signal and fail to get
there.
-Mother-"T Tommy, how are you
coming on at school?
Tommy" Firstrate, ma"
"Mention the names of some of the do
mestic animals"
=" The horse, the dog, the pig"
Mention some more, Tommy"
"The goose, the hen, aud the duck
9 Yes, l was thinking of four-legged
animals. What animal is that which
lives moetly in the house, bat which
often makes dreadful noise so that peo-
pie cannot sleep 7n ~ saless
s.3 'o,'. |. Fpur legged snimsl p
49,, ,Dont let people sleep r.
ss@Yes.nao s-3e & Il. seal .lt} sas .ai
a.n Toshny, triumphantly--", The plane"
szas SssGs, l;.oss q 4
ee.aasl a7oI s3.I = 1ss-T.fg 1--1-l ss.- sses
III 4 ~ ''.'ss.' -. ~. - "a f.sssn.a a S!osP Pa-