St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1887-01-23
WHIMSICAL FASHION
And WOman's Obedience to be Ac-
COrding TO Col. DOnan.

Fashion! Fitful, whimsical, tyrannic old
bedame, Wild, eXtravagant, profligate,
ofttimeS vulgar and insane Light and tri-
ding. as the dandelion's down, or the heart
of a cOquette Changeable as the wind on
election days, the people Of dream, the
hues OF chameleon, or the affections of an
average SiXteener. writes Pat DOMAIN
i'll the New York Sun. Yet how
vast is her power, how absolute her
sway, now irresistible her fiat! Wrinkled
and frowsy, she issues, through her adju-
tant modiStes and artstes, often of dubious
repnte her edicts, more burdensome than
the DracOnian Code, more binding than the
Medic Persian laws, more variable than the
ever shifting Shanghai or mackerel on some
tall, heavenly-pointing spire; and all the
feminine world scrambleS to render first
homage and obedience; every needle in
ChriStendom responds with its stitch, stitch,
stitching of costumal atrocities and ludi-
cTOSitieS
What folly is too stupendOuS. what alb
Surdity too expensive, what dumfoolery too
gigantic for her votaries? She declares, as
she did few years ago. for black and
white as the pr0perest hues; and, under
the influence of the stylish iniquity. our
boulevards, our Broadways, Fourth streets
and Fifth avenues look like walking ceme-
terieS-as if all the tOmbstones of some
rural churchyard had taken a simultaneous
notion to Saunter abroad for holiday. She
commands the humiliation of thirty five
yaldS of calico iii single dress, and the
result is bumpy, clumsy, craggy mass of
tOggery. heavy enough to break the back
OF an ordinary pack mule; yet everybody
who is anybody must stagger under
l,.a A, =
jet and lava ornaments, so called; and forth
with lovely woman sails out looking like a
smashed pottery establishment in state of
total eclipse, and rattleS at every step like
peripatetic bric-a brac shop or a tooth fac
tory with the ague. Kidney potatoes, horse
shoe nails, or paregOric walls would be fully
as ornamental and far more useful. She
proclaims for expansive skirts, and wagon
load Of hay can pass where no fashionable
woman would dare attempt it. Presto.
change! she announces the eeSkin pull
backs; and the next bright Sunday So 000,-
900 women are mincing along like frosted
tOed chickens, and not one of them. in Eu-
rope or America, can step into her carriage
without risk of breaking her neck or hun
dred puckering strings.
And, most mutations and atrocOuS of all.
behold the hideOus, headache Matching.
deforned Sklllet-like abOminatiOn. filled
with impossible botanical and ornitholog-
ical mOnStrosties that roof the loneliness of
high priced suits of Russian hair and In
dian jute. Ne plus ultras of the imp-in-
spired ingenuity of malicious milliners, the
ancient wagon tops, sky Scrapers and shal-
ers only yield III grotesque deteStibillty to
some Of the modern Gainsboroughs, gyp-
sizes and turbans. They look like once de-
cent head covers that a fat man has acct
dentally sat down on, or lady
elephant in Chicago dancing Slip
per has trod upon. There is, there
can be no beauty i'll mere distortion; and
these capstones of fashionable female nom
sensicality- up on one side and
down on the other. towering to cloud
punching peak. compounded of the heav
lest materials, straw or felt, velvet and
China Grape, with ribbons, lace. dead birds
| and ostrich piumes poywiggled in mad
deEing labyrinth of heterogeneous flubdub-
berry, and topped off with shoyelful of jet
bees or iridescent scavenger beetles, brass
hatchets, daggers and scalping knives-are
horrible libels on all sensible bonnets, hats.
caps. kettle lids or frying pans But fash
ion prescribes them. and, in spite of taste.
| complexion and shape of head and face,
| they must be worn.