The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1887-09-29
LITTLE LAUGHS.

II Is not considered polite TO ask Consul
Brigham how the Mexicans strike him
Pittsburg Chronicle.
The man who IL always claiming that
heaven Is his home IL always the last one 10
! 20. -Roche,ter Post-Express.
A preferred creditor j. one who never ASKS
for his money.-New Orleans Picayune.
~Time expired man ditto was the reason
a country postmaster gave TOT ho''Sins \"
publisher 10 discontinue sending ms paper 70
a certain address. New York Telegram.
aIsnt il dreadful" asked Miss Lilybud, TO
,,n over A manrr Yes, indeed. mum, re-
plied the sioker of the express. 1T jolts the
ano;,e M w. s nor "A ow.r-New York Iele-
gram.
4 man who pleads drunkenness AS an eH-
cuse for crime expects 10 get of on a mental
alibi-New Orleans Picayune.
A great many people hold theories who
can't hold their tongues.-Oil City Blizzard.
Nashville will not permit a policeman with
a red mustarhe to dye II. 1t Is called conduct
unbecoming an officer and a gentleman. De
troit Free Press.
Are you getting much practice yetT
asked an old physician Of a young friend who
had recently started. YES, sill, a great deal.
thank YOU replied the young beginner. Il
am Glad 10 hear il. In what line does your
practice lie particularlyF 'Well. sir, par
t~icularly in economy New York Telegram.
A preacher was complaining Of the little
ness and inattention Of his congregation,
when an old deacon spoke VI and said:
hungry sheep will look up 20 the rack II
there is hay IN it.n-Richmond Religious
Herald
This Is the festive season Of the county fair,
when the big pumpkin vies with the pretty
country girl for the attention Of the crowd
and gets left every time, world without end
Oil City Derrick.
The feast OF Notwithstanding no din
ner. but reading a cookery book.-New York
Telegram.
Emile lola received $4,000 from his pen
last year. There is a hog raiser in Kansas
vino got twice that much from his pen. He
is beating Zola on his own ground.-Denver
Republican.
England threatens TO get financially even
with Buffalo Bill and his Wild West show
bv setting Gilbert and Sullivan 20 write a
comic opera as "A take off on its popularity,
and ending banditti company to this coun-
try 10 work Amei lean pockets. Buffalo Ex-
press
Thi. Is about the time when he comes along
with smiling face and outstretched hand and
saws: "Hullo. old man, have you got home
~ IL. ..-t..l H.. ~,.t.Il - ~.
YOU b say: "No, | haven't got home yet |
am sul At Bar Harbor. Boston Courier.
The gondoliers Of Venice will get their
price because they can make travellers very
uncomfortable when left on the doorsteps Of
palaces. There is no walking home In Venice,
and the stranger does not know which way 10
swim-New Orleans Picayune.
"Sir," said agentleman in Il crowd, do you
know that you are pushing me unnecessarily
Sir" said the gentleman addressed 20 the
party Immediately behind him, do you know
that YOU are pushing the gentleman ahead OF
me unnecessarily Then he turned 10 the
first speaker and said, 1--WE passed IL down
the line ."-Harper's Bazaar.
A boarding house proprietor announces
his prices have touched bedrock. Persons
who have slept in his house assert that the
beds conform to the prices .-New Haven
News.
Long Island is in the shape OF fish, re-
marks a learned exchange. While on the sub
ject Of shapes, we might As well add that
Manhattan island Is in the shape OF g shark
Minneapolis Tribune.
If the train robbers of Arizona have 30 ter
ror.zed the settlers that they dare not testify
against the gang, the territory may claim the
proud distinction Of being the Italy Of
America San Francisco Bulletin.
The racing and baseball season will be over
in a few weeks. Snapper" Garrison and the
curve pitchers will go into winter quarters,
and congress and the tragedians will have a
chance. Cincinnati Enquirer.