Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-02-11
WIT AND UUMOR.

couple of nice-looking watermelons last
night, Brown. How much did they
cost vou?' Brown don know yet
The doctor is up at the house now. -
LIE.
An English actor being one evening
in the front of the house, and seeing "A
gentleman putting on his coat prepare
tory TO leaving. exclaimed: IL beg
pardon. sir, but there is still another
act (Which is precisely the reason, >
replied the other, "why I'm going"
Good advice indscrcetly given. Brus-
que old doctor CATER making an exam
ination) well, sir, you have "A bad
case of heart-disease. and are liable TO
drop dead any minute, and YOU must
dC0d am KIND Of excitement, sir, as you
would the cholera. "-Hnpcr's Bazar.
"Wnl YOU have another piece of
steak. Charlie?" said his aunt, some
what deaf. II have had sufficient" re-
piled Young America. Been a iishin?'
Il have had a plenty. Caught
twenty You are an old fool.
Broke your polc?" The lad left the
table in despair.-B0StoH JoUrHdl
\ society paper says: ut is now
regarded rs the correct thing in bridal
parties for the bride and groom TO
arrive an hour or so late After mar
riage the groom only viii arrive IN
hour or SO late but it will not then be
regarded n the correct thing by the
wife. -N0rriSt01CH Herald.
That look doth pain me, dearest.
Our part ny is but for one brief day. "
"Ycs, mo heart would fain be content.
but "What then. fair onc?" II
fear me mothers wrath. ..The cause,
angel of my existence. Ne life is at
your call.' Your paper collars bust
ed, and mamma is SO suspicious" -
THE ,Jadge.
Says the Burlington Nt) FrcePresS:
Nv e find alderman i'm the dictionary,
but not doodle How is this?' They
are still very green mp i'm the Green
Mountain State. I,ut orr esteemed
contemporary aware that the presence
of the ''alderman' is satisfactory reason
for the absence of the Doodle? - Boston
IraSc, TpL
Mrs. Flanahgan formerly Nicilanni-
gam Isn't it at Venice. my dear, that
we are 10 see the Lion of 81. Mark
/
Flana agan (who has somewhere seen
the w ords Dogc OF Venice i'm primo
And we mustn't forget the celebrated
Dog of Venice The children viii want
TO sCe ali OF the animals. '-Ac0 lorb
TIN tCS.
lrs. Agaesiz found one morning, in
on of her slippers. % cold, little shiny
81 AXE. one of six sent the day before 20
b er scientific spouse, and carefully set
lside Dy him Tor safety under the bed.
She screamed: There is snake in
nv slipper The savaut leapcd from
| his couch. crying: "A snake! Good
heavens. where are the other five? '--
/ The Commonwealth.
Traveller Go ticket agonO-Gimme Il
/ ticket for New Brunswick. Agent
] The next train doesn't stop at New
Brunswick. 1t goes through that town
/ at fry miles an hour Iravcier-Ihat
suits me. I've umpired zoo many games
/ of ball between the New lorks and
| Chicago, to bc afraid 10 get of train
that only jogging along at lilly miles
an hour
What pity it is that such pwe,iy
+ Girl as Flawreucc Fawstaw should nave
such bca,tiy bad taste, isn't 1T, old fcl-
/ law?' Nv is the mattaw with her
taste dcah boy? "Why. She received
me when called ye~,awday in a we'd
gown. with blue lcrr.aW nm haW lap.
/ Pawstiyciy. old teiiaW. the c0ntwast
/ shocked me SO that could hawdly
tawk. My gwacious. no wondaw.
" J. IoWH loptcs.
DR.. Mary Walker it is reported. has
/ Just inherited $4,000. II j, hoped that
She Will not ~quaudcr all her money on
velvet striped ciamiuc oyer-krt-, pink
silk bodices, polonaises la prncesse,
passemcntcrie embroidered vests. fchus,
! plasrons, iabots. white chuddah things,
! and other triyoitcs OF feminine wear.
! Our clothing merchants are advertising
''coats. pants ami vests for = -. Nor
! rtStOlCH Herud 81.
a few day, since "a gentleman i'm a
smoking-car on the Ccntral-lludson road
took from his satchcl an evening suit
while searching for a magazine. \
vcrdant-looking individual IN the seat
behind him, upon seeing the "clgw-
| hammer, remarked: "NaI naOw. |
declare, If there amt one O them old
/ fashioned coats that they used 10 wear
nigh onto forty Years AFRO, aud it looks
just like now stuff, tcw. Rochester
| Democrat
1t might have been South Framing
ham man. possibly Natick man, but
probably Il Marlborough man, who,
| having accumulated fortune of $780,
900 by selling liquor. and who had fire.
quently boosted that hc never drank
drop himself, ON watching the funeral
OF one of his victims pass his door, said
in a hcartless way: That's the first
time he ever passed my place without
coming in to take drink. "-Nattch
(NaSs) CttiscM
Portly old gentleman (to student in
lawyers Office is Counselor Black
stone imp Law student-"He is Mt
present engaged in consultation. sir;
he will be at liberty in moment. if YOU
will wait Portly old gentleman
0aking chair-"Do you smoke?'
pulling a cigar from his vest pocket)