The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1887-07-16
Esta blished 1850.
Limekiln Club Wisdom.

Il QeSlan 10 QenOunCe dis aSSemDla1ge,
said Bro. Gardener as the meeting open
ed, dat de Hon. Skyfustus Ellington,
of New Orleans, am in de auntyroom an
am waitin' to address us on de subieck
of Riches VS.. Happiness De Hon.
Skyfustus has addressed US befo', an it
am needless to- splain to you dat he
knows de biziness of oratory as well as
hoss doctor knows what ails sick
mule. He am rich in wisdom, 'speri-
enced in philosophy, an has trabbled
mo- miles on freight trains dan any od-
der orator in de world. Doorin' his
address desire de silentest quietness.
Any pusson found guilty of frowning
shucks around will be sot down on wild
terrible airnessness befo' de lodge closes.
De Recepshun Committee will now es-
cort de gem'lan in.
The committee left the hall for that
purpose, and soon reappeared in COM
pany with the visitor. While he was
taking drink of water and removing
He sized up two Stories and BASEMENT,
about As years old, knees rather out of
true, feet which wouldn't rattle any in
pair of No. 12s, and a mouth built on
purpose for pumpkin pie. He bowed
right and left to all acquaintances, as
cended the platform with skip, and at
once began:
my flens: what am riches7 You can't
tell me. see by de black 'spreshuns
on your faces dat you can't. you am
poor you hain't rich. OATS DIN my
sperience fur de last fifty y ars, an while
it has cost me good deal of money
am willin to gin it to you fur muffin.
Suppressed excitement over getting
something for nothing.] We hev seber-
al men in dis kentry worth more'n $2o,-
900. Dey wallow in riches, but what
about deir happiness1 Oar must be
some consolashun in bein' able to walk
into grocery an a millyon clothes-pins,
but does that rich mogu sleep any SCUM
der dat night den de man who has drank
sixteen-cent tea for support Of co'se
he doan' Like huff he dreams of dem
very millyon clothes pins, an in his
dreams he am towel on clothes-line
an ebery pin am tryin' to stick him fast.
[Grunts of satisfaction from all over the
hall.
my frens,' continued the speaker,
as he began to warm up to his work,
'de rich man walks on velvet carpets,
an he sots down on stuffed cheers, an
he has Saratoga 'taters ebery meal. He
jist rolls in ham an eggs, an he walks
all ober fricassed chicken. De poo
man walks on bar foo, sots on hard
cheer, an his taters am billed wild de
hides on. Yet who am de happiest1 ?
You will say de rich man, of co'se, but
dat's whar' yer toes turn in. When
night comes de poo has no fear O. bur-
glars; de noosepapers man hain't gwine
ter pitch inter him in de mawanin his
wife hain't gwine to 'lope off wild any
body; his son am not gwine ter be spell
ed from college. He jist sits dar an eats
snow apples an popoco'n, an content
ment drips all ober him. Sensation,
during which Elder Toots become excl
ted and yelled fire / at the top of his
voice.
de rich man W ars broadcloth i con-
tinued the orator after getting away with
another drink, IAN he rides in his keer-
idge, an he goes to the opera. You
envy him, but what poo fules you am
All de time he am doom dis he am
'spectin' dat de smallpox will break
out in his family an take ebery one of
'em off. De poo man goes afoot, W 'ars
plain woolen, an he doan' know what
de inside of an opera house looks like.
As reward he nebber has de smallpox
nor diptheria. Chuckles dissatisfaction,
during which raw potato hit Samuel
Shin in the neck.
'On ebery hand you h ar de 'spreshum:
POO but honest Nobody eber says:
'Rich but honest 1t am only poo
folkes who lib from hand to mouth who
am honest. Ebery honest sentiment in
de human breast teaches us be poo
When your ole woman, dressed in kali
ker an WARM her last summers hat,
sees rich lady sailin' past her, harness
ed up in silks an diamonds an sealskin,
she may fur a moment feel envious.
But, my frens, when she comes to reheck
dat rich women hev to war shoes one
size too small, an hev dressmakers an
ha'r dressers an gin balls an parties,
she feels to pity en- wild all her noble
heart. (Great applause and one hiss,
the latter coming from Whalebone
Howker, who will get hail Columbia at
the next meeting.
If l was axed to advise young man.
said the orator as he straightened out
his left leg to clear it of cramp, Il
should warn him agin struglin' fur too
much wealth. 1t stings like an adder
an bites like a sarpint. Riches am de
cause of jealousies, envy, an crimes of
all sorts. Oar can't be no comfort fur
de rich man. He am worried about
his cloze his coachman 'lopes off wild
his darter; de bank in which he has got
his money am sartin to bust. Arter he
has suffered, long comes death an takes
him away, an no sooner am he buried
dan his body am stolen by medical
college. [Applause.] All de poo man
has to do am to get in his meat an ta-
tiers an wood for de winter, buy close
fur de ole woman an de chill en-, lay in
ten ban is of apples an two of cider, pay
up his debts, put a $50 bill in his west
pocket an purceed to take solid COM
fort an happiness. [Cries of: Yum! /!
Yum II Sickness will not come to him
trouble will pass him by, an he will
be nominated fur Alderman in de spring.
If dar' am any man in dis club who
sighs fur riches he am de subject of my
pity. l warn you in my most solemn
tones to quit dat signing. True happi-
ness am wuth mo- dan all de gold eber
dug from airth.
'Gem'len, l had intended to incloode
de Garden of Paradise in my remarks,
an to bring in de Pyramids, Christie
pher Columbus an George Washington,
but de hour am late an l must elongate
dis oratory to prolongated quietness.
W;cb;nf x,O,, oil Y,Occ;hle hao1th onb hon