News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-03-17
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
LYNCH LAW AND SEA COAST WAR.
Brother Gardner Wakes WrOthy and Talks
Much With HI Mouth.
from the Detroit Free Press. 7

|
Much With I'll S Mouth.
From the Detroit Free Press.]
81 hev pitishun heah," said Brothe
Gardner as the meeting opened, 'fron
thirty GUILD people of Niles, AKIN Gi
Lime-Kiln Club to use all It's influenc,
to secure the restorashun of capital pun
ishment in Michigan. Long ago di
club announced its stand on dat ques
lun, an it has thrown its ipfooence il
favor of law, but it am plain 'nuff da
the present Legischur' doan' intend t.
make any radical move. We shall, dar
fore, pay no furder attenshun to pitt
shuns. 1t am evident dat we ar toe
good an nice an soft hearted in dis
| Stait.
''We call it barbarious to hang mur
derer. He am hero who should be
presented wild bouquets an poetry. II
he happens to be poo we should chip in
to furnish him a lawyer. All his ac-
quaintances should try hard to remem-
Der dat he had always acted queerly, an
dat he must hev bin insane when he
| committed de deed. If he am acciden-
tally foun' guilty his lawyer mus move
fur new trial on new evidence, an de
hole fur him to crawl out mus be made
larger. In case he goes to prison he is
incouraiged 10 look fur a pardon, an
advised to consider himself sort of
lion.
''If you come to my hog pen in de
AFTERNOON an steal my two hogs I kin
promise you five Vars in State Prison. If
you come into my cabin at night an kill
my old woman an steal de $27 hev got
hidden away in de chiny teapot in de
pantry, your chances of remainin' at
liberty ar as good as your goin to prison
fur life. Nine tenths of de public SEN
timent in dis Stait am in favor of hang
in fur murder, but de restorashun of de
law am alius check mated in de legisla
chur' by dozen pussons so entirely too
good fur dis world dat de sooner dev
break frew de ice an git drownded de
better it will be fur de rest of de pub
HEX.
Meanwhile each of you go to do
grocery and buy twenty feet of a rope to
tie up cow wild Make a slip-noose in
one end an soap de end dat it will slip
freely Hang it on nail in de kitchen,
an de fust night you tumble outer bed
at de cry of murder take your COW rope
along wild you. If de murderer has bin
caught dar orter be lamp post close by.
If not, try shade tree r owever, you
should fust ascertain if de murderers
victim am member of de Legislachur
If not, hang de murderer If so, let de
murderer go free an chip in a purse to
help him reach Canada We will now
attend to de abnormal business which
has brought us together.
OUR COAST DEFENCEs.
A communication from the office of
the Third Assistant Secretary of War in
quiring what sum the Lime Kiln Club
was willing to donate to help put our
coasts in a state of defence against a
foreign enemy Brother Gardner was
scratching his head IN a reflective way
when the Rev. Penstocl< arose and in
quired:
~ presume dat de Char grasps de
subjickp
"De Char does, sab, was the prompt
reply, "an' de Char recommends dat
you sot down before you am fined
SIS, 900 for disruptin' de meetin'."
CT didn't know but de Char might
be leetle mixed on coast ma ters,n OBJ
served Penstock, as he fell back
"No, sab! No, sab Dis Char was
readin' in paper only two days ago dat
dis kentry had 1000 miles of coast
which an inemy could jump on wild boat
feet any day IN de week, but dis club
hain't gwine to subscribe a cent fur all
dat. If de kentry goes an sasses any
body an gifts herself into wa she must
take de consequences. / hahn got no
fence roun my cabin. an no clubs an
stones laid up in de woodshed to do
battle wild, but am l afeared my naybur
means to attack me? Do 1 60 around
wild brass knuCkles in my pocket bekase
someone may knock my hat off or spit on
my butes We am to day a peaceful
nashun. Let de kertry get lot of big
guns an forts an ships, an she II want
to sass somebody an fet chance to
show off. Dis club went chip in"
REST JRED.
Sir Isaac Walpole secured the floor to
make few remarks on behalf of Sam
uel Shin, who spit on the new stove at
the last meeting and was fined $500
and costs, making total of S12, 500, he
regarding the expectoration as a purely
accidental matter. Samuel had been
chewing a new make of tar gum, war
ranted to cure sore throat and relieve
headache, and accidentally swallowed
it. In his surprise and confusion, and
the stove being directly in front of him,
he expectorated. 1t was no more than
Julius Caesar or Mark Anthony would
do under the circumst Brother
Shin went home from the meeting with
financial ruin staring him in the face.
and the gaunt specter of Want had ap-
peared to him every night in his dreams.
After this he would spit out of the brok-
en- alley window-in Elder Toots' over
shoes--anywhere but on the stove, which
was now sacred object in his eyes. He
would ask the President to pardon
Brother Shin and remit the fine
Brother Gardiner reflected for a mo-
ment and then replied that the prayer
of the petitioner would be granted,
although Brother Shin must walk a
in the future.