Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1887-07-14

one conveyed was intended by the old
lady who said to her friends: mo
man was better calculated to judge of
pork than my poor husband was. He
knew what good hogs were, for he had
been brought up with 'em from his
childhood"
Much better unsaid would have been
part of the address of collector for
charities, who raising his hat to lady
at the front door, began: Madam,
am soliciting for home charities. We
have hundreds of poor ragged vicious
children like those at your gate, and
our object isl "Sir, those children
are mine!" and the slamming of the
door finished the sentence.
From the following, it would seem
that the ceremonious orientals are not
above marring their politeness by an
occasional speech apropos of the SUBJ
ject in hand. Some European ladies
passing through Constantinople, paid
a visit to certain high Turkish func-
tionary. The host offered them re-
freshments, including a great variety
OF sweetmeats, always taking care to
give one of the ladies double the guam
tity he gave to the others. Flattered
by this marked attention, she put the
question, through the interpreter:
"Why do you serve me more literally
than the restp" Because you have a
larger mouth" was the straightfor-
ward reply.
What are called "random shots" of
speech often have a peculiar knack of
hitting the mark. Not long since a ne
gro customer entered BARRIERS shop
in Liverpool and said: II hope, gen.
tlemen, you don't object to smokingP"
The barber, without turning round
from his occupation, replied: "Go on;
smoke till you are black in the face"
A lady said something the other day
at a friends dinner that found mark
the archer little meant. There were
several strangers present, and in re-
sponse to a remark made about a GER
tain lady of q certain age, the fair
guest in question exclaimed: "Why,
good gracious! she is as old as the
hills!" and could not imagine in the
least what had caused the general con.
sternation. She did little later, how
ever, when it was explained to her that
two maiden sisters at the table, whose
names she did not catch in the intro
duction, were called Hill, and were ex.
tremely sensitive on the subject Of age.
An alderman's wife, overtaken by 6
heavy shower of rain, took refuge in 8
shop, and proceeded to make a few
purchases. ''You seem very quiet to
day." she said to a newly-engageG
shopman, who was very attentive ant
obliging. You are generally SO very
busy" "Oh, gracious, madam" wal
the reply, 'just look at the weather
What respectable lady would ventur,
out of doors on day like thisp"
Similarly ambiguous are some of th'
speakers in the following incidents. 4
pompous physician said to patient
wife: "Why did you delay sending TO
me until he was out of his mindp" '(
DOCTOR" replied the wife, "while he wa
in his right mind he wouldn't let M
send for you"
Another doctor said to his wife: "Yol
see, dear, l have pulled the patien
through after all; very critical case
l can tell YOU" "Yes, dear hubby,
was the answer; "but then you are s.
clever in your profession. All, if
had only known you five years earlier
l feel certain my first husband-m
poor Robert-would have been saved.
To turn from doctors to clergymen
One Sunday, as a certain minister wa
returning homeward, he was accoste
by an old woman, who said: 20 sil
well do like the day that 70
preach. The minister was awar
that he was not very popular, and h
answered: "My good woman, I az
glad to hear it. There are too few lik
you. And why do you like when
preachP" 30, sir" she replied, "whe
you preach, ] always get good seat.
A crooked compliment was paid
German young lady who said: Nov
Herr Lieutenant if you don't at ono
cease your batteries, I shall have I
hold both my ears shut" my ado
able fraulein," answered the office
'your pretty little hands are far tc
small for that"
Every sorry, SIR" said youn
beauty at ball; II am already el
gagged. hope you are not rery disal
pointedp" 20, dear no, miss; quite IL
contrary" was the unexpected rep
of the gentleman.
A case of mistaken gallantry o
Cured in Italy. 30 Signorina," e:
claimed dandy, "if it be true tn
, man descends from the monkey, no
: beautiful that monkey must have bee
/ from whom you descendr'
"And what do you think of the e
: gagement-ring I sent you. JennieE
| inquired lover, tenderly. Jennie a
swered, in delighted tones: ''Oh. it
, beautiful-in fact the handsomest ol
: 1 ever had given me-"
: At q wedding breakfast the groo
remarked to little girl: "You have
: new brother now, you know" ''Yeth,
responded the little one, ''ma seth
, wath Lottie's lasth chance, so she
( better take it"
'.Now tell me, Ethel" said 60
e erness, ''what letter comes after h
= please, Miss Parker. l don't know
a "What have l got by the side of n
nose" asked the governess. "a !
= of powder was Miss Ethers startlil