The Osceola times., 1887-12-03
ouEERNEss OF THINGS.
Few Puzzles which No school OF Phir
osophy Can Solve.

4 rev Puzzles which No school OF Phir
osophy Can Solve.
This is sort of topsy-turvy world
No one seems to be satisfied. One man
is struggling to get justice and another
is flying from il.
One man is saving up to buy house,
and another is trying to sell his dwell
ing, for less than it cost 10 get rid oi
il.
One man is spending all the money
he can earn in taking a girl to the
theater and sending her flowers, in the
hope that he will eventually make her
his wife, and his neighbor is spending
all the gold he has saved to get di-
I vorce. E-sis.~ lafn t
Smith is drinking imported ale to
put flesh on, while johnson is living on
crackers and walking ten miles u day
TO reduce his ayoirdupois. iIat -1-l
The laborer with ten children keeps
out Of debt on ten dollars week,
while many an unmarried bank official
with hundred dollars week can t
get along without helping himself to
the banks funds. .....r.....
Robinson takes sherry to give him an
appetite, while Brown, who has wine
cellar can't touch drop Of it on ac-
count of apoplectic tendencies. The
doctor tells Morrill, that If he doesn't
stop work and take a rest he viii go
into a decline, and then tells Blakely
that if he does not abandon his seden-
tary position and go off somewhere and
work on farm he will die of torpidity
of the liver. ..f r .iau-.. .. lr s.
One man is ordered to eat eggs be-
cause they are nutritious, and another
is cautioned to leave them alone be-
cause they produce bile. ...
One man Keeps pistol to protect
himself against burglars, while his
neighbor doesn't keep one for fear OF
shooting some member OF the family
by mistake.
You will sometimes see man plant
ing trees about his place for the shade;
and, at the same time, you will see
another cutting down all the trees
about his house because they produce
| too much moisture.
One rich man wears poor clothes be-
cause he is rich and can do any thing,
while poor man wears fine clothes be-
cause he is poor and wants to create
the impression that he is not. ...
One man is killed by accident, and
another tries to commit suicide and
fails.
One man escapes all the diseases that
flesh is heir to and is killed on rail-
road; another man goes through half
a-dozen wars without scratch and
then dies of whooping-cough.
The prize-dghter reforms and be-
comes preacher, while the theological
student leaves his university to become
a professional baseball pitcher.
The man who can make twenty thou.
sand dollars year, as general thing
can't save cent, while the man who i:
thrifty and wise is seldom so gifted
that he can earn any thing at all.
We know wealthy merchant who
keeps half dozen horses, who recently
stated that his store was closed on ac
count of "holliday;" and we alsc
know proof-reader who can spell
every word in the English languag,
correctly, and the only time he expert.
ences any horse is when he eats horse
radish.
Good people die and bad people live
The man who is fat with health can
get employment. and the man who il
making money hand-over-list has tc
give up business on account Of I'LL
health. .... ....--tI ...a
Linguists are keeping peanut stands
and monkeys are writing for newspa
pers. In railroad collision the dane
ing-master generally loses his feet ant
the mathematician his head. t....
The pugiIist breaks his wrist, AMI til,
opera-singer contracts throat trouble.
The man with colossal fortune |:
usually obj iged to adopt an heir, Will,
the man without cent generally has
a sufficient number of heirs to satisfy
half a dozen capitalists. H-. 1efmi
One man won't touch bacon for feal
of getting trichina, and another swearl
by Bacon because some people think h,
wrote Shakespeare v q. ..a s
We wish we could find out why thos,
things are so, because it would set ON
minds at rest and make us happy
Puck. ~.