The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1887-04-15
The OLD cuRMupeEoN.
u. Quad Writes About Curious Char
: acter Well Known to Every BODY.

The OLD CURMOOGEON.
n. Quad Writes About Curious Char
acter Well Known to Every BODY.
You have seen people who seemed to
ache all over to make some one un-
happy? just such an old curmudgeon
was on the train the other day when it
stopped at st. Thomas, and bridal
couple entered our car. We all knew
it was a bridal couple, because there
were friends down to see 'em of. and
the bride and groom stood there and
received the congratulations for four or
five minutes. The bride looked a bit
older than the groom, and the minute
the old curmudgeon noticed this he
slid over and planked himself in the
seat ahead of them. and after minute
or two turned and said:
'Beg pardon, but can you tell me
who's funeral that was back there?"
'Why. there was no funeral! ex-
claimed the bride. in answer.
"Oh! / thought there was. he said.
in dry. sarcastic way, and he pre-
tended to read his paper for three or
four minutes before turning again
with:
care you taking your son to the sea-
shore, ma am?'
mo, sir. This is my husbandr'
ooh. it is? I'd never have suspect
ed itr'
Then he went on for quarter Of an
hour. telling about farm he owned
in Canada. and then suddenly in
CURED:
young man. I'd like to have YOU
and your aunt go and see the farm and
make me an offer for it.
The bridal couple turned white and
red and let go of hands for moment,
while the old curmudgeon changed the
subject and began to talk about Mag
ara Falls.
ever there?" he asked.
Both shook their heads.
I'D advise you to stop off if you
have time. It's grand sight. sup
pose. though. you want to arrive at
the same time with the body. What
did he die of. ma amp
"I-I don't understand your she
stammered, in painful way.
'Oh, beg pardon. somehow got it
into my head that you had been to a
funeral. or were going to one, or some
such thing!"
He then related the particulars of a
smash-up on the road in which he had
an arm broken and his wife was killed,
and added:
1.-The case is in court yet. but I've
lost my marriage certificate and can't
prove she was my wife and don't ex-
pect to get any damages. 1 think
l understand you to say, ma am, that
you have been married fourteen
years?'
"Oh. no! no! sir!'
"Beg pardon. but perhaps it is only
nine or ten. What l was going to say
was that you ought to sacredly pre-
serve the certificate. 1 suppose you
have it with you?"
Bride and groom looked at each
other in CONSERVATION. The document
hadn't been thought of in their hurry
and happiness.
''Was reading of a case the other
day." placidly continued the old
wretch. "where a hotel-keeper had
couple sent to prison for two years be-
cause they could not show a marriage
certificate.
The bride turned so red that it
seemed as if she would suffocate, and
the, groom 20 white that hisr ears
looked like new blotting pads. That
was the last straw. Five or six of us
had been holding an Indignation meet
ing a few seats back, and our delegate,
who had whipped his seventh man in
the prize-ring. now went forward and
whispered in the old curmud geon's left
ear:
'.Say, mister man, you let that couple
alone or I'll break your neck! This
thing has been carried far enough"'
"Certainly-certainly.' said old
meanness, as he got up. Excuse me.
ma am-and you, bub-and if you
should have any trouble with the corpse
in Buffalo, don't fail
The delegate choked him off there
and took him to the last seat in the car
and jammed him down and warned
him to stay damned, and such looks of
relief as stole over the faces of that
bridal couple l never expect to see
again on earth.-DetrOt Free Press.