Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1887-06-04

on TIE RAcoUE.

on THE HACQUE-
When she hasnta ssaIszin Hecqus 70 heFbacque
The maiden is very unhappy, Elsegue.
a WRITER in Tid-Bits says: "You
don't can buy anythings for dher soul
NIT money" Just wait till the pew
rent collector comes around and see
Boston Courier.
THE man who wants the earth and
can't get it should not despair. He
VIII get six feet Of It by and by, pro
Viding he is not drowned In mid ocean
Boston Courier
"ERGO. remarked the professor to
his class, after a long preamble ;
Ergo, then he stopped to take breath.
%Well. let ergo. sung out one of the
students, and the conclusion was ruined.
"A MAN can get nothing without
labor, said a woman to q tramp who
declined to saw some wood In exchange
for dinner. 81 know better than that, +"
he replied as he turned away; "he can
get hungry"
Young housewife consulting with
cook about the dinner for a party)-As
a second course we viii have eel.
Cook-HOw many ought I TO get,
ma'am? Young Wife-I fancy ten feet
viii be sufficient.
FATHER Of Stupid Boy-Professor,
want you to teach this boy German and
French. Professor-Whyd do You want
the Germans and French to know what
an ass he is? Isn't it enough that the
Engish-speaking races should know it ?
Ieras SiJtings.
SHE-Where are you going, Charley
He Going to the theater. She-Ah
1 understand. The ballet. But why
don't you go to the dog show instead
I think you viii like it ever so much
better. The dogs, you know, have foul
twice as many as the baIlet-dancers.
Boston Transcript
OLD lady Ito street urchin)-
Wouldn't you like to be a good little
boy and go to Sunday-school and be
taught not to swear or say wicked
| things? Little bOy-NO'm. Me ladders
gOin' to git me a job on de canal tc
drive mules, an I mustn't do anythin
to interfere wild de bizness. YorE
Sam.
He was an ardent but an economical
| lover, and had been counting her fol
| three months. "When do you think
dearest, he said, as they sat near the
mOonlit window one evening, chat the
| moon appears at its best?" 81 think,
she replied, chat the moon always Iooki
/ the lOYeliest when one is returning
home from the opera. DRY Goods
/ Chronicle.
OMAHA husband-Now, I think thi.
| is going too far. You promised me yoy
| would cOuntermand your order for tina
| dress. Omaha Wife-I wrote to the
| firm that very day. "But here is the
dress and the bill for it-enough Il
| bankrupt me almost. How do you ex
/ plain that?" "I gave you the letter K
| mail and 1 suppose you forgot it, q
usual omaha World.
| Janet" said her mother, "youne
/ Mr.. Piebiter comes to the house nov
very frequently, and often stays very
! late; have you any reason to think hi
/ intentions are serious ?" 81 should thinl
| So" she replied; che says he has NJ
! conversational powers, and so he wants
to sing all the time, and he know
nothing but church music Serious?
I should grOan. "-BILTdette
| GENTLEMAN-Two dollars you vii
| charge for carrying in that coal, Uncle
/ Rastus? Why you never charged me
/ but one dollar before. Uncle Rastus-
know dat, boss; but labor has riz
| Gentleman-I would rather carry it il
| myself than pay that extra dollar
/ Uncle Rastus-All right, boss. Yo' kin
give me one dollar and carry de coal il
yo'sef eff yez vans ter. Use satisfied
allow DELIGHTFUL it viii be. CiceIy
my dear. OF course you have an in
! vitation to the theater party, and WI
| are all to leave of our hats, " said he
friend, excitedly, as she dropped In 70
her morning call. eyes, have an in
vitation, to be sure, but hardly thinl
it worth while to Join in the hat-refoEn
movement myself" Certainly not
| I ought to have remembered that you
hat is all new, for the first time in tW
/ years" There was no applause" whel
l that theatrical party came in.-HGTt
ford Post