St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1887-09-04
A FOOLS WISDOM.

THURMAN has been his devotion to the West
and faith in its future greatness. He was
visiting, some years ago, in Maryland, where
he amused his friends by telling them that
ninety pound catfish could be caught in
Western waters. They refused to believe
him. He was chagrined at this, but con-
cealed it, and on his return home purchased
and sent the Marylanders seventy-fve-
pound catfish. They at once passed and
drafted the following resolutions: Re
solved, That the truth of ALLEN G. THUR
MANS statements should never be questioned;
that his fish stories are always absolutely
true, especially his catfish stories.''
4 y
CARL JUDsoN when he got out of bed the
other morning, asked Col. CHAMBERS:
what would be an appropriate name for
an orchestra of fat menu
The colonel couldn't say-he was not up IN
musical matters.
!'Ha. har' ehuckled JUDsoN; "belly band,
of course. Seef'
The colonel said he did,
While he was combing his hair, JUDsoN
asked again:
whats better than dozen raw and pint
of beer?'
CHAMBERS said he would answer that by
and bye. He did. He went down to Fari-
bault and telegraphed back, C. o. D., to JUD-
SON, this answer:
Two dozen raw and quart of beer"
M
1t is given out that the reason of II. G..
HOWARD removal from the dairy commits
sion was owing to his LACK of harmony with
the administration" This is very neatly put.
but, as Mr.. HOWARD draws his last stipend, he
can console himself that no one else but the
gentlemen drawing state pay are in harmony
with that administration. Mr.. HOWARD was
capable deputy, and the records of the
state will show that, before Commissioner
IVES dared to think of his present position,
he was carrying on an active crusade against
oleo and its evils. 1t was HowARD's misfor-
tune last winter to be candidate for the
Office Mr.. IVES now holds. 1t was generally
conceded that, since Republican must hold
the Office, HOWARD was entitled to it through
merit. The appointment was given to Mr..
IVES by Gov. MoGML for two reasons. He
was lin harmony with the administration, -
ana All enemy of GILMAN's. These are the
only passports required for admission to the
state house.
Mr. IVES some years ago was not paying
very close attention to the cow and her pro-
ducts. Instead, he was building railroads
say the Austin, Mankato & st. Cloud-that
bugahoo that cost GILMAN Southern Mime
sofa in the last Republican convention. Gil
MAN and IVES were friends then. They pre-
sumably drank out of the same glass and
constructed railroads alike. In the course of
time, and while this road was being built on
paper there arose a difference of about
$1,000 between GILMAN and IVES. 1t was
Mr.. IVES loss. He grieved, and, perhaps,
swore. 1t was then that he discovered that
the interests of the COW and MCGILL were
identical The election of one meant the
elevation of the other. Mr.. IVES fell down
before both, and, with kick from the one
and lift from the other, became dairy COM
missioner. Mr. HOWARD had to go.
*~
Carl JuDsoN's elevation to Mr. HowARD's
place is politically respectable act. Mr..
JUDsoN is smarter than Mr. IVES He was
smart enough some time ago to pass sleeps
milk, with a grade of IL per cent, off ON
the commissioner as pure boyine,s Tactical.
He comes from an agricultural settlement. is
posted on st. Paul real estate, knows good
brand of cider, and can tell good story.
These are about all of the qualifications nee
essary to be dairy commissioner 1t is
pleasant to note that he passed his examina-
ton for appointment satisfactorily. He an
swered these questions as follows:
''Who hit ex-Warden REEDg'
''MARY BROWN"
''Who fixed File 1872"
task me something easy
''What are the duties of a dairy commits
sioner?''
ITO drink milk
Those who know best what the manage
ment of the state prison was under Warden
REED will bear witness to the fact that the
discipline of the prison was maintained
through the late ABE HALL. Capt. REED was,
and always has been, of an easy-going ma
ture. The weakness of his character was his
disposition to look on the course of life as if
itwere a creased plank. HALL, ON the con-
trary, was man of energy and will, and as
brave as any one well could be. The prison
ers liked him and obeyed him. When they
revolted ne killed them. ''IfI DON'T he said
once, ''they will kill me-" 1ong-term CON
Wet said to me one day, after HALLS DEATH
''We all knew that if we obeyed him we
would have no trouble-if we didn't, it was
DEATH HALL was, in truth, the head of the
penitentiary, and if he ever knew of his SUI
perior's alleged laxity of character, he kept
his lips well closed.
M
Gov. McGTLL displayed as much desire to
avoid this prison scandal as he did in the case
of File 157. Warden SToRDoCK placed the
facts before him early in the year, and the
GLOBE called his attention 10 the matter as
we'll Still he hesitated. Capt REED has
friends at court, and, despite the governors
semi-weekly parade of his own sense of JUS
tice to all, he declined to move until 1t be-
came evident that if he did not Warden
SToRDocK would announce the discoveries
himself. If he is innocent why has the gov
ernor allowed Capt. REED to go with this I'M
answered? If he is guilty why not have
made him face the music? If the states
prison has been used as a house of ill-fame
why was Gov. McGILL so anxious to wait
until midsummer before he attempted to ex-
pose it?
~
1t has been an unexplained mystery, until
lately, why the first prize at the High school
graduation exercises was awarded to Miss
MoREHoUsE, and not to Miss ADA HAWKINS.
AT the time the vast audience was stunned
by the decision made by the judges-Messrs.
C. c. ANDREWS, Col. KERR and HERMAN
SCHEFFER-I have learned how this came
oOOue. 4hioo LA essay was Il IOr
a legitimate restriction of immigration to the
United States. To this Gen. ANDREWS made
objection. To his fellows ON the committee
he said: II cannot indorse know-nothing
principles. am politician, and it would
compromise me- And so Miss HAWKINS
lost the honor.
think no one can seriously doubt but that
the Republican party of Minnesota next fall
will indorse prohibition. and the legislature
of 1889 attempt to pass prohibitory amend
ment. The Prohibition vote will range from
$4,000 to $4,000 in the state next year. 1t is
now, by Official returns, over 1900. The
Republicans need this vote; they can not do
without it any more than than they could
afford to ignore Mr.. MERRIAMs bank ac-