News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-07-21
RIGHT ON TIME.

81 am sorry [ can't accommodate you,
Mr.. Paperwait," said Mrs. McKerrel,
shaking her hand resolutely, as she often
did of Saturday evening, "but all my
boarders settle weekly; my motto is,
PAY as you go
"Oh, yes,'' exclaimed Paperwait,
cheerfully, $50 is mine, so is mine. But
I'm not going yct, you know; I'll be
here six months yet" And happier
man never vetoed a bill.-Burdette.
ACHES AND PAINS.
Fair patient begins catalogue of
aches and pains, when the doctor, re-
cognizing them as old acquantances, in
terrupts, and coolly and accurately fills
out the list. The lady protests: 81
didn't send for you to tell me my symp-
toms, doctor; really wanted the pleas
ure of telling them myself; and if you
will only let me tell them, you will see
that L am alarmingly III. '-Harpers b.
zGr.
NOTHING LIKE ACCURACY.
81 beg your pardon, said bashful
young lady to gentleman who had just
been introduced, and whose name she
had not caught i'll the confusion of the
moment. II beg your pardon, but how
do you spell your name!'
'sS-m-i-t-h," he replied, with some
surprise.
'EOh!" she returned, with admirable
presence of mind, ''thank you. A great
many people of your name spell it
Smythe, you know, and that was my
reason for putting the question. .'-B0st0n
Courier.
HER OPINION.
The reports of burglaries had made
the mistress of the house cautious, and
she reminded her maid-of-all-work that
the door at the foot of the back stairs
must be bolted at night, and told her
the reason why.
"They wouldn't come upstairs, would
they?" asked Abigail.
''They might" said the mistress.
''And go into the rooms where folks
are sleeping?"
eyes, indeed"
''Well, if they amt got heek!''-Bos-
ton Transcript.
BRAVE MAN SHRINKS.
First Omaha Man-How's this, john
You said you intended to propose to
Miss GushingtOn this evening, and here
you are back before 8 o'clock. Surely
she didn't refuse you?
Second Omaha Man-N-o; I didn't
propose. I concluded to postpone the
question.
"Now, see here, John, if you don't
get that girl it's your own fault. The
idea of being such coward. You, who
have bravely walked up to the cannon's
mouth"
.sV - L,,+ +bo oo,,,o,, bo1,,4 l,oo,,
eating onions. "-ODodha World.
VERY CAUTIOUS.
"How did you lose your arm, Mr..
Centerfre?"
cit was shot away at Cold Harbor?"
close your leg at the same time?"
"About two hours later; while they
were carrying me back"
"And you are totally blind, too?"
eyes; shell came into the hospital
and exploded right over my cot"
You must draw large pension1'
"Well, no; l don't get any pension at
ALL Papers are all right as far as they
go, but haven't been able to prove yet
that if l hadn't gone into the army
would not have died of the cholera,
which was mighty bad in our town in
1868. ."-Burdette.
A WAY THEY HAVE.
New York Girl-What ON earth have
you got i'll your locketl
Boston Girt-Dust.
New York Girl-Result of some ere
nation?
Boston Girl-Oh my, moi It's some
of the dust that Mike Kelly raised while
sliding into the home plate last Thurs
day.
A SOURCE OF SIN.
"Don't you know, she said to Bobby,
who was impaling fly ON the point of
a pin. "that it is wicked to catch fiies2"
ut is wickeder to miss 'em as some
fellers do" responded Bobby, who is