The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1887-05-06
THE LIME KILN CLUB.
An Attempt To Burn Its Building Made
the Occasion of Some Resolutions.

Inc thirteenth unStardly attempt TO de
stroy Paradise hall was revealed at o'clock
Saturday evening when the ianitor arrived
TO place the hall in order for the usual meet
ing. Ever since the attempt of last October,
bear traps and spring guns have been set at
every door and window when the hall was
closed, and the would he incendiary was
caught, but escaped, leaving bloody boot in
the trap behind him.
As soon Us the meeting was called to order
the ianitor reported the case, accompanied by
IL war map, and Brother Gardner arose and
said:
"My frcns, dis incident furnishes me wild
an opportunity TO address you on de subjicli
of Goodness VS.. Badness. II, when II baby
was three days ole, he could reason an cal
kilate, he would reason as follows: 'Ileah
ar, a sound healthy boy, wild big show Of
CROWN up TO manhood. De more / kick an
yell an misbehavc doorin' my infancy de mo-
spankin's I'll receive. De better / mind an
de gooder | ar as a boy de easier | will slip
along. As young man | shall be upright
an honest. As a middle aged man | shall
act on dc squar. As an old man | shall quit
chawn' plug tobacker, read up on de Bible
an so to bed airly.
"Wickedness doan' pay, figger 1t up rs you
will. We hev had many instances of il in dis
| club, an we ar surrounded wild 'em at home.
When Whalebone Howker stole wheelbar-
rer belonSin' TO Pickles Smith he at fust re-
joiced an was glad. He felt dat he was 50
ahead of dc game, and he poked hisself in de
ribs fur a smart man. Howsumeber he
hadn't had dat stolen vehickle in his posseshun
two hours when his game rooster died, de dog
.t,l,a 4. 49,
owed him 81 went into bankruptcy. He could
igger dat he was S. out of pocket, an den
Pickles fouli' out who stole his wheelbarrer
an cum ober an licked Whalcbone widin an
inch of his life besides.
Take de case of Bermuda Jones. who Ibis
mex doah TO Condensed Cunningham Bei-
muda sot down wid piece OF chalk an fig
gered up dat wickodncss paid POO per cent,
an he Went ober 10 dc grocery, backed up
agn Il cracker bar'l. an while he ingaiged de
grocer in rcligus discussion wild one hand.
he filed his hind pocket wild crackers wild de
odder. He started out of dat grocery feelin'
dat he was seben cents ahead an still gainin'
but what was do result: A small boy, who
was in dar TO buy a cents Wort of tafIy, seed
dc hull performance an told de grocer. Ber-
muda was follered home, knocked down in
his own kitchen, an made TO give up de fo'
cane seat cheers in his parlor to settle de case.
Did Inc profit by his badness. Did he make
any POO per cent. on dat.
"Agin, take de case of Kurnel Leliingwell
Kabar. | had six Leghorn hens in my coop,
an he coveted en-. Instead of comm TO me
in frank, honest way an ofrern' TO buy dose
hers at DER value an gibin' me his note due
in thirty days, he steals upon my coop in de
gloom of midnight an forcibly captivates my
poultry. He chuckIed to hisself ober his
smartncss an he figured up his 200 per cent
profit, but Nemesis war on his trail He
left one Of de ole blue patches on his pants on
a nail in de coop, an when ! found my hens
gone / walked ober TO his humble cabin an
took him by de neck an drawed him out
doors. Some Of you hev probably heard dat
he went into decline soon arter dat, an dat
when dc post mortem was held three of his
ribs war found stickin' out OF his back.
81 hev fggered on goodness an badness.
an | tell you dat badness doan' pay Some OF
you may hev lifted ham at de co'ner grocery
widout bein' caught ut it, but yit how did
you feel when you met policeman, or when
a strange knock cum at de doahi Guilt was
sich burden on yer soul dat de ham tasted
like sawdust, an you woke up at midnight TO
see spooks standing by yer beds. De good
man goes aroun' wild his hat on his ear
afeared of nobody an lookin' eberybody
squar' in de eye Ii he happens to see dc
patrol wagon gwine along he doan' turn pale
If anybody happens to lay hand on him he
doan't sink inter his butes.
How ar Il wild dc bad man. He's allus
looin' fur bar traps an spring guns He's
ILLUS 'spectin' to be rested an sent up A
strange knock at his cabin doah sends chill
up his back. Go whar he will, he feels guilty
an afeared, an some fine day when he am
ont injoyin de balmy breeze long Gums
detective an claps de handouts on him, an
away he goes 10 state prison fur ten y'ars.
You kin figger an fgger, but goodness am
bound to come under de wire full length
ahead
The presidents address created considerable
excitement, and Waydown Bebee was ready
with the following preamble and resolution:
"Whereas, Goodness ar moai profitable
dan badness, an also easier OH de Conscience;
now, dar'fore
"Resolved, Dat Il ar de sense of this meet
in dat We stick 10 goodness
The resolution was adopted by a unanimous
vote, and the meeting adjourned with much
good feeling Detroit Free Press.
The Beaver in the South.
The beaver, which before the war was
pretty well driven out Of the southern |