Omaha daily bee., 1887-11-18
AM Unfulfilled Mission.

New York Mercury: After fifty quiet
and obscure years, there took place a
great event in the life of Levi Sow2er,
of Pennyroyal township. He was COM
missioned by the congregation of Elk
Horn church to 60 down to Little Rock
and buy new outfit Of hymn books.
Levi when the congregation by rising
vote elected him, arose in crimson en-
barrassment and said: "My dear broth
ers and sisters I'm mighty afraid that
you have made II mistake. I've been
livin' in the woods all my life an never
seed a town that you couldn't kivcr
with a good sized hoss blanket. My
opinion is that it takes a putty sharp
feller to buy them hyme books. 1t
strikes me that a fcller mout be able to
pick out seed con an have putty far
mack of tradin hosses an still not be the
right pusson to send after hyme books;
but if you fellers insists. wy, she pops.
| may not fetch books with fancy kivers,
but you may rest ashOred that the in
sides will be all right"
Lewis wife had seen good society.
She had, short time previous to her
spent few weeks at fuckers Ford,
visiting family into which spittons, as
a social experiment, had been intro
duced. She became very deeply i'm
pressed; and, ever afterward, when she
desired to lead a conversation into a
particularly refined channel, would
speak of the spittoons at fuckers Ford.
Mrs. SwoZer was proud of her hus-
bands hymn book appointment, but re-
GREETED deeply that the expense appro-
priation did not permit her to accom-
pany him,
levi" she said, "you are goin' to see
some fine society down thar"
Il reckcn so, Sue"
can don't want you to ack like you
never seed nuthin'."
IN try mighty hard not to."'
SIN society, Levi, folks estimate you
good deal by what you have seed"
THAT'S what | lowed"
Levi, they've got spittoons down
thar"
''Do you reckon sop
81 know IN reason they have. fur eff |
recolleck right. them spittoons at Tuck
er's Ford come from thar. They've got
'em in the churches down thar"
you don't say?"
eyes. an | don't want you to hang
back about spitten' in 'em. No matter
how putty they look jist blaze away like
you never did spit nowhar else"
"I'll do it ef it takes the ha'r off in
spots"
w hen Lew returned nome some OF
the influential members of Elk Horn
church went over to see their new hymn
books.
"Boys," said Levi, "lissun to me. I
didn't fetch no books"
"What! no books!" they exclaimed.
"Lissun to me. My wife, you all know,
havin' seed good society, is sorter crazy
on the subject O. spittons, an she was
powerful anxious about my actin right
when l got in the presence o. one.
Wall, when l got down yander went
right to q church, an while l was
a-settin' thar with my mouth full O ter
baccer feller showed contrapshun at
me, an thinkin' it was the spittoon,
let drive and filled her mighty nigh
full. An interestin' time follered, then
a sheriff drug me out an put me in Jail
an next morning the judge tuck every
cent O. money | had, so l couldn't buy
no books. Nose Giltin, you air the head
man amongst us, an I'll leave it to you.
Now, eff you had err been in my place,
havin' married the woman did, an had
er been a-sittiu' thar an a feller had
a-shoved a contrapshun at you, what
would you er done?'
Nose, after moments reflection,
solemnly replied: 81 woulder spit right
dab in it ef l had knowed it woulder
tuck all the har off. Brethren, we'll
jest nachully have to do without hymn
books while longer.