Los Angeles daily herald., 1887-10-28
MIR, AND MRS. B0WSER.
The Old Man Decides to Become
An Orator.


happier than ours, and Mr.. Bowser is
one of the best husbands in the world.
He is simply little bit queer. That
is, we haven't been married quite long
enough for me to tone HIM down.
Like many other young husbands he
wears much larger hat now than he
will couple OF years hence, but that
ia fault instead of an evil. The
other evening he came home in a
state of excitement, promenaded
around the house with his nose in the
air for Il while, ard then inquired:
''Did those books come up, Mrs.
Bowser?"
''There was a package came up.
Have you been getting another batch
of useless books?"
people, Mrs. Bowser II you were
like some wives l know OF you'd en-
courage your husband instead of in
sulting him."
''Well, shall be glad to have you
read every evening. History or poll
tics?
"Neither They are works on
oratory."
"What?"
Mr. Bowser-I have been advised
by 4 many friends to take few
lessons in elocution and delivery,
and to then accept some of the nu-
merous invitations rendered me to
address this or that society or organ
ization.
Orchard Moses Bowser, you can't
be in earnest"
"That's it! Yell out at the top oi
your voice and tell everybody in
Detroit that my name is Richard
Moses! Maybe it sounds better than
Major. Why shouldn't | pluck the
laurels from the field OF oratory? If
some people are satisfied to grovel in
the dust they needn't try to prevent
others from soaring to the clouds"
but you have no presence-no
voice.
81 haven't, eh? l was present
enough, and made myself pretty we'll
understood when asked your hand
in marriage! You don't know me,
Mrs. Bowser See herel"
height. which is trifle over five feet,
swelled his stomach out, and, as he
lifted himself up on his toes, he waved
his arm, and began:
Gentlemen may cry peace, peace
but there is no peace. The next gale
which sweeps from the north will
bring us the clash of arms"
"Yes, Mr.. Bowser, but your voice
is squeaky, and you are very, very
short. Please give it up. l should
feel awfully bad if you made fail
ure."
"Squeaky voice. Very, very short !!
Make failure. Mrs. Bowser, you
want to choke me off, but you can't
do it! You will yet be deafened by
the plaudits of the multitude who
cheer my oratory."
He had five or six books of speeches,
dialogues and lessons in preparatory
greatness, and as soon as supper was
over he locked himself in the library
and began. He was still going it when
went to bed, and at midnight was
awakened to see him before the glass
on the dresser, and to hear him say
ing:
II tell you, gentlemen, that the
bulwarks of American liberty are
tottering to their foundations. A few
mere such acts as these and-a few
more-a few more-a few more such
acts as-as-"
''If you wake up the baby he may
have cramps" l said.
Mr.. Bowser was SC indignant that
he would not utter word in reply,
nor did he address me till after din
ner next day. He continued his labor
for week or ten days, ranging in his
Outbursts of oratory from 1.-The Dying
Child" to "An Appeal for Liberty"
Then, from what could overhear, /
made up my mind that he was pre-
pairing an address for special occa-
sion. He couldn't keep the news to
himself, but soon informed me that
he was soon to address the Young
Mems Liberty Club.
"Mr. Bowser, please give it up. If
you should make a failure Of it you
would feel far -"
Make a failure OF it! Mrs. Bowser,
you don't know me! Just attend to
painting your old pottery and drum
ming on that plane, and l will take
care of myself"
Pity thC pcOI li1dil Wtltl look
back over those days. He wrote and
re-wrote. think he prepared as
many as six or seven addresses be-
fore he got one to suit, and he spent
at least fourteen hours per day trying
to commit it to memory. He looked
upon me as his enemy, and refused to
have any further conversation on the
subject until upon the day of the
evening he was to speak. Then, being
apparently very nervous, he re-
marked:
"Do you think my voice has i'm.
proved?'
81 hope it has"
There you go! Do your very best
to discourage me!'
"Mr. Bowser, can't I prevail upoi
YOU to give up this idea OF making al
address tonight"
"Never, If I can succeed with m.
wife seeking to drag me down tn
honor will be all the gr ,ater."
"Fellow Citizens: Let me assur
YOU that highly appreciate the grea
honor paid me by this clubin selecting
lin choosing-in picking me out t
deliver-deliver- picking me out
in-in-"
That was as far as he got; one bo.
yeIIed out: "Go it Shortly" an
others told him to take his nose off
put q brick on his tongue, ETC., and III
broke right down. The papers mex
morning charitably RETAINED iron
even mentioning his name. was
looking TO see if anything was sad,
when Mr.. Bowser came down to
breakfast. smiled at him kindly,
but he shook one fist at the baby and
the other at me, and hoarsely re-
Piled: ,u,
ats all rigbt-all right, but III
nay You off if have to wade IN gore
knee deep i''-[ Detroit Free Press: