The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1887-09-04
On Naturalization, Druids and
Fifteen Ball Pool. !.
HOW TO BECOME A CITIZEN
Wings and Episcopalians- Hand
writing and Criticism Sweat and
Perspire-GenorslO Observations.

Dear Sir-Would you mind giving q
little space to an explanation OF natur-
alization as practiced in this country
together with it's effects? How would |
go to work to become naturslized
What are the first steps? What would
be the result of naturalization here or
in New York City, in case afterwards
concluded to return to England, where
1 was born? What are my my duties
toward the United States pending
naturalization, and what are the duties
of the United States toward me during
the same timer What were the peculiar
doctrines of the Druids2 Which is
proper to say: "sweat" or "perspire ?"
What is the most past or perfect tense
of sweat? Would you advise young
man. Al years of age, to begin the study
of fifteen-ball pool? What is the
popularity of classical Emusic, and how
can one distinguish itf What do you
think of my handwriting
TRUTH SEEKER.
Naturalization, according to Theodore
D. Woolsey, who has practiced 1t for
years. takes place when an alien trans
fers his allegiance from the country Of
his origin and the sovereign of the same
to another country and sovereign.
Your best method for becoming natur-
allied in the State of New Jersey
would be to write to Her Most Gracious
Majesty, Queen of Great Britain,
Empress of India, General Assistant to
His Royal; Badness the Prince of Wales,
the Leading Regina of the Known
World, asking her to return your letters.
and henceforth to regard you only as a
friend.
Naturalization may be partial or CON-
plete, and may be detected by any one
who is a close observer. Naturalization
is most likely to attack those who have
formerly been aliens, and "allow it to
get the upper hand of them" Under
the Constitution of the United States
no naturalized citizen can be president,
and great many who have not any
difficulty of this kind find that this
industry is oVercroWded. So if you
came to this country with a burning
desire to obtain employment as Presi-
dent you had better give it up. We
never elect man who has been an
out on him again when the sun gets
very hot. We have made it a rule for
years, if possible, to elect thick.set self
mace American citizens to the Presi-
dency, and then we feel free to go and
board with him and make suggestions
to him, to tread frosted cake into his
body Brussels carpet.
There are several steps you might
take in order to get naturalized in this
country. Your maiden step, however,
would be to get born on a foreign
strand. You could then begin active
for becoming naturaEz4d,
such, for instance, as crossing the ocean
and leaning over the piazza of the ship,
and gazing down into the soft green
waves, divesting yourself of your politi-
cal disabilities.
You could hurry up. your natural
ization here by enlisting in the army.
You can, if 81 years of age, join the
army. You would like it, too, I think.
1t would also be pleasanter for the
army. Nothing lonelier can be con-
ceived Of than the picture of an army
with no one to talk to. So if you could
be contented to unite with our army, | |
think it would be good thing for both
Of you.
If you cameout of the war unscratched
you could be made an American |
citizen without further trouble, and if |
you became killed while acting as the |
eft wing of the regular army your |
eternal welfare would be enhanced as |
soon as it was generally understood that |
you came from America.
You do not state in your letter |
whether you are white or colored. You |
simply say that you are aniEnglishman.
IN writing to newspaper you ought |
% be explicit and state your case fully. |
If you are white man from England,
you may be naturaliged by denounc-
ng your sovereign in unmeasured |
erms and naming your first daughter |
Frances. Your health would then be
FOOD and your vote would then be
counted. If you are oolored English |
nan, we would reserve the right to in
Iulre who you voted for before count
ng your vote.
Your duty toward the United States,
,ending your naturalization, would be
o write home as often as possible, re-
erring to the great blessings Of Ameri-
an freedom, and showing the poor,
oppressed foreigner how much quicker
nd easier he can get his expressing
.one here than elsewhere.
The duty of the United States to-
yard you in the meantime is to protect
gu from foreign invasion and throw
ur navy around you so that you may
o to bed every night without fear of
INVASION, for no foreign power would
o far forget itself as to remember what
} due to the aged and helpless as to at
Rck our navy. So you would always
e safe, and if you took plenty of ex-
rclse and did not get your feet wet
'hile being nsturalized you would
lake good citizen, and enjoy good
ealth. The duty of the United States
1ward an unnaturalized citizen is very
lain, but not irksome. The United
tates, as Republican, never allows its
bligations to the offspring of monarch {
} pray on it. So, if you wish TO come
onward and repent, and be psturalized,
on will always find the United States :
,ady to treat you white.
I do not know much about the Druids
ur folks were mostly Wings and
The DruIds as, near as
can learn, were a kind of open-air :
ct, who worshipped sylvan god, ate :
atermelons during dog days, and re-
-etted it till the ground froze up. They
ere the first religious organization
lat introduced the custom of borrow
* money in this world with the under ,
anding that it was to be paid in the