Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1887-11-28

During a storm it is all up with an um-
brella.
A preferred creditor is one who never
asks for money.
A great many people hold theories who
can't hold their tongues.
A big rubber firm has failed. They
stretched their credit too far
An Indiana woman put her foot down
and prevented a railway company building
on her property. This speaks well for
the Indiana foot.
A teamster hauling a load of marble
fell asleep and then fell off his load and
was badly injured. ''He dreampt he
dwelt in marble hauls.'
A medical authority states that hus-
bands of red headed women are liable to
become color blind. They are also liable
to become lame and bald.
johnny said the Sunday school
teacher, "what is our duty to our neigh
| bor?" ''To ask 'em to tea as soon as they
get settled, said Johnny.
The latest case of a hyphen is couple
of (twin) boys, born in Boston, recently.
| One is named Stimuli and the other Tame
Gus. That is splitting name if not
hair.
There is a popular impression to the
effect that a woman cannot keep secret.
Yet whoever heard a woman say that ner
| Of Z ha
old one?
Mother to 4-year-old-If your dolly has
been so naughty as you say, Flossie, why
don't you give her a good whipping?
Flossie-'Cause l don't b1ieve in that
sort of thing.
eyes said Mrs. Bascom to her neigh
Dor, Mrs. Ponsonby, 81 always did adj
mire Deacon Samuels. He is the most
dignifed looking man when he is asleep
that ever 1 saw
''Will you give me some cold victuals?" p"
asked "a mendicant at Prospect avenue
door recently. ''We have none," was the
reply. sob, well, hot ones will do" said
the beggar, briskly.
Omaha Dame; 81 am sure you never
tell stories, do you?" Little Girl: 'No,
indeed. We have a servant to do that.
"a servant?'' ''Yes'm His name is John
son. He tends to the door.
'sRest and change are good for people,
the physicians aver" said the wife, as she
arose at night to rife her husbands pock-
cts. Give had a rest and now I'm going
through these pockets for a little
change.
Bad outlook for George.-Mrs. Hay
seed Cwhose son was at college,: 'fGeO.
writes that he is takin' fencin' lessons. .
| Mr. Hayseed-ssIm glad of that. I'll set
him a-diggin' post-holes when he gets
home"
"Women cannot be satirieal,' says a
writer, any more than they can be hu-
morous." So. How is it when man,
after courting girl for seven years, pro-
poses, and she says: ''Oh. George, this
is so sudden"
ssI'm not going to play with Willie
Waffies any more, was Bessie's dictum-
.sWillie is a very nice little boy" said her
mamma Il don't like him. In fact
| don't like boys at all, mamma. L guess
it's because I'm not old enough
In the Alps.-The guide leads couple
to the edge of frghtful precipiee, and
then saws in a mournful tone: Il brought
a gentleman and wife here last year. The
lady leaned over too far and disappeared
The gentleman said it was one of the fin
| est views he had ever seen.
Il am going to buy light coat to
i match these pantaloons," he remarked to
his wife one day, land a light pair OF
gloves to match the coat, ana a light
soft hat to match-'' 'sYour head,
suppose interrupted the spouse, gently
and the house knew no harmony that day
81 say, pa. nsten-.When Freedom
from her mountain height, unfuEled her
hamper to the air J" ssWhat do they cal
Freedom her for?' queried an innocent
little boy, who was learning the piece tt
speak at school. .'You are too Young Il
understand Wait till you get married
my SON.