News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-11-24

girl.
"And could you go into the kitchen,
dear, and make a loaf of bread with
those dainty little hands,"
'FYou are very nice to say such
pretty thing about my hands, but,
George, love, don't be foolish about the
bread. Why, 1 would send one of the
servants around to the bakers for it. -
". 7. S1n.
COLOR BLINDNESS.
Two ex-conductors of the Missouri
Pacific met in the rotunda of the Grand
Pacific yesterday afternoon and be-
gan to discuss the reasons for their dis
charge.
81 was fired" said one, "because I
was color blind"
81 didn't know" said the other, ''that
conductors were obliged to undergo the
same test in regard to colors as the en-
gineers."
''They don't, but my color blindness
went so far that couldn't tell the differ
ence between the color of the COM
pany's money and my own. - Chicago
Herald.
MORE INTERSTATE BUSINESS.
''Better keep your head in the car, !"
said the conductor on the Lansing train,
as he passed through coach and saw
an old man with his head thrust out.
1t was slowly drawn in, and the owner
turned to a man ON the seat behind him
and asked:
"What harm does it do to put my
head out? 2"
''You might knock some of the tele-
eraph poles down"
1Oh, that's}it We'll, il they are SC
mighty 'fraid of a few old poles I'll keel
my head in That's the way on the
railroads since that new law went into
effect.
THE REGULAR THING.
An old gentleman of Detroit was pass
ing through the ceremony of taking his
fourth wife the other day. At the i'm
pressive climax of the good preacher
mans part of the performance, some
body was heard sobbing in an adjoining
room.
"My goodness /" exclaimed one of the
guests iu a dramatic whisper, ''who on
earth is that crying on this festive occa-
sion ?''
"That ?" replied a mischievous mem
Der of the bridegroom's family. 'That's
nobody but Em. She always boohoos
when pas getting married Detroit Free
Press.
HE KNEW 1T.
"Well," he remarked, as he met a
Woodward avenue grocer, $50 poor ii.
has gone to the wall"
"You don't tell me !"
eyes; he can't pay ten cents on the
dollar"
''It surprises me, and yet it doesn't.
I saw little transaction five years ago
which satisfied me that he would event
ually bring up with sudden jerk"
"What was that ?"
"Why, he bought horse right here
in front of my store without even ask
ing me to look at the animals teeth and
tell his age "-DetrOit Free Press.
TWO WAYS OF SEEING THINGS.
First Anarchist-Look at that rich
man now; too lazy to drive his own
horses.
Second Anarchist-Yes, has to have a
private coachman to hold the reins
while he lays back in the cushions.
At An0ther Corner.
First Business Mani declare if there
isn't old Scrouge doing his own driving.
Second Business Man-Yes, he's so
Internally mean and stingy that he dis
charged his coachman, poor man
with o large family, because he thought
him an unnecessary expense.-Om0to
World.
EMPLOYER AND EMPLOYE.
Employer Ito commercial traveller)-
| Good morning, Mr. Smith; home again,
| Ell?
Commercial TravelIer-Yes, struck
! town last night on the o'clock run
| from Boston.
Why, [ came over from,
Boston on that train. Strange | didn't
see you.
Commercial Traveller--Did you take
a parlor carr
Employer-No, certainly not.
Commercial Traveller-Well, that's
the reason you didn't see me.-Epoch.
SHE COULDN'T.
There is a floor walker in one of the
large dry goods stores in this city whose
great toes point toward each other IN
the most friendly manner.
''What will you have, madam, SAID
he to an Irish woman, who was looking
hopelessly around.
"Calico."
"Walk this way
"Walk that way is it! Sure I'd have
We know sur, that my legs is not built
! that way sur, and [ couldn't walk that
way if you'd give me the whole sture,
sur"
TOO ANXIOUS FOR A JOB.
Merchant Ito small applicant)-Where
do you live9
Small Applicant Harlem, sir.
| Merchant-I s'pose you'll be sick
about three days in the week in order to
see the ball game ?"
Small Applicant-No, sir; L don't
care anythin' bout baseball.
Merchant-What You Harlem
boy, and tell me that you don't care
anything for baseball? You won't do,
Johnny. We can't have any liars about.
-Tid-BitS.
NO TASTE.
Jenkins, I've got something to tel
you. 1t grieves me to say it, but as
friend, don't think l ought to keel
! silent"
"What is it man, what is it!"
81 saw Brown throwing kisses to YOU
wife"
"Great Scott. I wouldn't have be
lieved it.