Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1887-08-30
JAGGERs.

The hangman ~ q very practleai ef"ahei'
-BOStOR Post.
"You've got the drop o. me, rs the
paper said to the ink blOt.-ChdTtestotrR
Enterprise.
The crows, despite the Bible adage, pre-
rent many a man from reaping what he
Sows.-ErehdRge.
To eat peas with a knife may not be
GOOD form, but it's fun for the peas
Washington Hdtchet.
To call q New York banker q Napoleon
bank.-DaiaS NeICs.
There never was q man more de trop
than Mr.. Lilly Langtry. We hope he
doesn't know it.-BOSton Herald.
FOur-year-old Madelinette meets a priest
wearing his soutane. Hello! here's a
papa playing mamman'-Pdris ChhdrirdiL.
The man who boasts of never following
any ones example, very meekly follows
his partners lead in a game Of cards.-Er-
change.
The Boston nine indeed!-here are the
| Puritan and MayflOwer n volunteer
what do we want of any other six?-BoSton
Herald.
1t may be necessary to caution Jay
Gould's folks against feeding that baby
with watered milk,-Springfeid Mass
ReriClr.
Nearly everything that has ayoirdupois
is weighed on scales, except anchors-they
are weighed on shipbOard. Charleston En-
terprise.
When You see q poor actor standing be-
tween two good actors it reminds you
forcibly of q bad ''ham" sandwich
CharlcStoWn Enterprise.
We don't quite understand how a steam
boat pilot can ever he called a stern per-
son. Like the dude he's most always on
the bow.-DaIuh Photographer.
She-How's the chocolate this morning,
dear? lie (abSent-mindedly) Hin
crude cocoa is quoted at l7S; quarter OF a
point of yesterdays list. "-Td-Bh
Ferdinand Ward expresses the opinion
that Ives isa '~'iim-dandy." II you want
to know what a 'jim-dandy" is. look at
Ward and look at Ives.-PhHadephid IN
qairtr.
My little man 81 years old, looking out
of the window one day, exclaimed: ~
mamma, | see sUch n pity tail to e kite,
en- e kite has a boy to it. Come and see.
-BdbyhOOd.
A ~paragrapher was put on the markets
the other day, hut when he headed a fall
in India rubber gum drops" he was re-
stored to his former position. Boston Conn
msrciGi BHLetiR.
If the Scotch Thistle can spread over as
much territory in a short space OF time as
the Canadian thistle, u American yachts
will have their heads full to beat her
CsreiaRd LeaOer.
4 lire alarm system in the Eternal City
marks the incongruOus progress of the aye.
Think OF stopping in the Coliseum to hear
box % ruDg and say, "Oh, that's the FO-
rumn'-SpriaqfsH Republican.
A gay rooster tipped on the light fantas-
tic toe up to the occupant of n qniet nest
and said: 'Will you dance Birdie?" Eek
euse me" said the hen, IL am engaged for
the set"-NGc Orleans PicayWRe.
Miss A. TO Miss Bid you notice that
Miss e. don't wear her engagement ring
while her afiianced is out Of town? Miss
B.-Yes. but | dOnt blame her; in this hot
weather one wants to wear just as little as
possible. Exchange.
There is u kind of rusk in Spain called
panquemadO-burnt bread-of which our
little year-old son il very
fond. One day he was try wing 10 be
naughty, and | said: Charities, do you
want a 'panky 'pauky:" mo, ! 'onts II
pankymadO Only"-making a real pun
upon the above mentioned bread -BaLy-
hood.
One day as | sat in the street car with
my little girl, ; years old, | said: Look,
Carmen, at that old man sitting in the
other end of the ear; he looks Just like
Santa Claus, doesn't hep" She answered:
~ think he looks just like little Jack
Horner." Why do you think so, Car
MEM" Cluster he sits in a cOrner!'-
BdbghOOd.
A fashion item saws: women all over
the land are calling for more pockets"
We don't believe it, retOrtS an editor. 1t
takes a woman about half an hour now to
20 through the numerous receptaclcs u
man has about his clothes, and then she
is apt to miss the important one. What
the women would like is fewer pockets and
more money in them. -ErchaRge.
Say" said Rerkey TO his wife yester-
day at dinner, lyon didn't say anything
to any one about what | was telling yOu
night before last, did yOu? That's a
secret" "A secret? WHY, l didn't know
il was = secret" she replied, kind of re-
gretfully. "Well, did you tell it? want
to know" Why, no, | never thought Of
it since. l didn't know it WAS a secret"
-NeWport (Hy } Journal.
Chicago Man-Welcome, my old friend.
Welcome to glorious America
Distinguished FOreigner-Beiore accept
ing your hospitality it is my duty to de-
livet some messages from our chief officials
to the chief officials of Chicago.
"Well, I'll hustle around and see if any
of them are out of Jail. "-ORnAa World.