The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1887-05-03
uNDERTAKERS' TALES.
Stories Told by Funeral Directors
mt Their Regular Meeting.


ut Their Regular Meeting.
~ had funny experience years ago
when worked for Mayor-elect Nc.
Calm in this city," remarked county
undertaken.
what was thatp"
'Why, got paid for burying a man
twice. 1t was this way: A man had
been fished up out of the river and sent
to Our house to bury. That night about
8 o'clock in came two women, mother
and daughter named Smith, living on
the South side. They asked to sec the
drowned man, and as quick as l lifted
the cloth that covered his face, the old
lady threw up both hands and screamed.
That's him; that's my poor husband.
The young lady identified him. too, but
didn't seem to feel very bad. The next
morning the family lawyer came to me
and gave orders for the burial. The
old man, 1t seemed, mad considerable
money; at any rate, worked him off
real respectable like, and got my pay.
About year later the same lawyer
came to me and says: You ought to
owe me $50"
"Why?' says l.
"'Why, pa you that for burylng
old Smith about year ago and he
wasn't dead. But he is ready to plant
this time; died last night, and / came
over after you.
"Well, went over and laid the man
out. While was mt work on him the
old lady came in and said: We'll, he's
dead enough this time, poor man. The
night after we'd buried him before he
came walking into the room where We
was all sitting. He had taken a littln
too much drink, and had just got over
it and read about our burJin' him in
the papers, and Lor' but he was mad.
/ knew it was no spcrrit rs soon as he
came in. But / guess he won't como
back this time.
81 never like TO shave corpse" re-
marked red-headed funeral director
from an adjoining county, land il it is
practicable always like to get, n barber.
About month ago / had an old man
to bury who had died with four or five
days growth of beard. His limbs had
contracted terribly after death, and to
straighten them we had laid couple
of plank across him. He was lying on
the bod in this way when the barber
came. big colored fellow, with con-
siderable superstition about him. He
shaved the outside of his face all right,
and then had to climb on the bed.
over the deceased, to shave the other
side. In some way his knees hit the
plank which lay across the dead mans
chest and held his arms down, releas-
ing both arms. They sprung together
like the Jaws of steel trap, and hap
pened to catch the barber on both sides
OF the head. He gave one long yell
that lasted till he reached the street,
and that was the last seen Of him. | had
to finish the job myself. The darby
was so badly scared that IL was three
days before he went to work again.
The following dialogue is alleged to
have been overheard at the conve ntion,
and was retold with considerable gusto:
Country Undertaker-Do you make
any difference in your own manner and
impression in conducting funerals?
City Funeral Director-Certainly. L
have three expressions -one for first
class funerals, one for Medium.
and one for cheap funerals. First
class funerals, as l call them, are
when the family has wealth and social
position. These people are calm and
undemonstrative in their sorrow, and
Iuse.what | call my ''dignified sorrow"
expression-a calm, sad look, with a
white tie. l charge $40 extra for this
is nv ct c@teras. For the medium
class 1 just sling in sort Of minister
ial sadness" look that cost them 50
extra. II the family have lots Of
monev, and are pretty shoddy, and
bound to make a big show. l use sup
pressed grief expression that | pride
myself on. 1t is really pathetic. That
costs the mourners S25, but it's .
PITTSBURGH Dispatch