Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-01
LITTLE LAUGHS.

It Is not considered polite TO ask Consul
Brigham how the Mexicans strike him.
Pittsburg Chronicle.
The man who is always claiming that
heaven is his home is always the last one 10
go.-Rocbe,ter Post-Express
A preferred creditor Is one who never asks
for his money.-New O.ieans Pcayune
"Time expired; man ditto was the renson
4 country postmaster gave for notifying a
publisher to discontinue sendips his paper To
a certain a.iiress.-New York Telegram.
Isn't it dreadful" asked Miss I.ilybud, "to
run over u manr AYES, indeed. mum" re-
pliei the stoker Of the express. 1T jolts the
engine up w..ss nor n COW. New York TelO-
gram
4 man who pleads drunkenness as an ex-
c,ise for crimo expects to get of on mental
alibi-New Orleans Picayune.
A grea. many people hold theories who
can't hold their tongues.-Ol City Blizzard.
| Nashville will not permit policeman with
. red musta' he 10 dye it. 1t Is called conduct
unbeconing an officer aud g.ntleman.-De-
troit Free Press
| 'Are you getting much practice yetf'
asked an old physician of young friend vino
had recently started. "Yes, sir, a great deal,
thank YOU" replied the young beginner. II
am glad to hear it. In what line does your
practice lie particularlyr' We'll, sir, par
ticularly in economyr'-New York Telegram.
| A preacher was complaining Of the little
ness and inuttention Of his congregation,
when All old deacon spoke up and said:
Hungry sheep will look up to the rack il
there is hay in it"-Richmond Religious
Herald.
| This IS the festive season OF the county fair,
when the big pumpkin vies with the pretty
country girl for the attention Of the crowd,
and gets left every time, world without end.
Oil City Derrick.
The feast Of imagination-Having no din
ner, but reading u cookery book.-New York
Telegram.
Emile Zola received 10000 from, his pen
last year. There Is a hog raiser in KANSAS
who got twice that much from his pen He
is beating Zola OH his own ground. Denver
Republican.
England threatens to get financially even
with Buffalo Bill and his Wild West show
BY setting Gilbert and Sullivan TO write q
comic opera as a take OF Oh its popularity,
and sending banditti company to this coun-
try 10 work Amer lean pockets. Ex-
press
| This is about the time when he comes along
with smiling face and outstretched hand and
says: "HulIo, old man. have you got home
asainr How surprised he would bs were
you to say: No, haven't got home yet
am still at Bar Harbor. Courier.
The gondoliers OF Venice will get their
price because they can make travellers very
uncomfortable when left on the doorsteps of
palaces. There is no walking home in Venice,
and the stranger does not know which way to
swim.-New Orleans Picayune.
Sir saii gentleman in crowd, do Won
know that you are pushing me unnecessarily T.
| Sir said the gentleman addressed to the
party Immediately behind him, do you know
| that you are pushing the gentleman ahead OF
Ine unnecessarily" Then he turned TO the
first speaker and said, "rve passed it down
the line. ne."-Harpers Bazar.
A boarding house proprietor announces
/ that his prices have touched bedrock. Persons
who have slept in his house essert that the
News.
Long Island is in the shape OF fish, rc-
marks a(serneI exchange. While Oh the sul'-
iect OF shapes, We might rs well add that
Manhattan island is In the Shape Of shark.
Minneapolis Tribune.
Ii the train robbers OF Arizona have so ter
rorizei the settlers that they dare not testify
against the gang, the territory may claim the
proud distinction Of Icing the Italy Of
America-San Francisco Bulletin.
The racing and baseball season will be over
in q few weeks. Snapper" Garrison and the
curve pitchers will go into winter quarters,
and congress and the tragedians will have
chance.-Cincinlati Enquirer.