Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-02-26

"What dye thinks exclaimed Mr..
Bowser as he rushed into the sitting room
without taking time TO leave his hat and
overcoat on the hall rack
Some of our relations dead;''
Relations, Nav, Mrs. Bowser, for
the past two or three weeks | have been
preparing a surprise for you-a great sur
prise. How much milk do We use around
this house daily;'
Three quarts of milk and a pint Of
cream"
Exactly, Mrs. Bower, exactly And
the cost is twenty-fOur cents You call il
milk, brit what Is it, A compound Of
chalk and water, which must kill us in
side Of five years
And are you going to change milk
mem"
Exactly, Mrs. Bowser. am going to
be my own milkman after this"
''IOu are going to-to"-
Eyes. I'm going to buy a cowr'
"But you always get cheated on such
things"
do T. That's all you know about it,
When don't make 25 per cent. profit
want 10 be kicked. A COW will be the
best paying investment we ever made
Just figure for yourself: There are twelve
quarts of rich milk per day, at six cents
per quart. That's seventytwo cents per
day or S5O4 per week. Take out seventy
five cents as the cost of her keeping, and
you have clear profit of 4429. Is that
a swindle, We cant use over four quarts
per day, and can therefore sell eight to
the neighbors. Just speak to Green and
Smiths folks, will yous''
MIR. BowsER's WARNING.
"Mr. Bowser, don't you remember our
pig'''
Pig, pig, What has a Durham cow
got to do with a short horn pig And
besides, your own base conduct killed that
animal Mrs. Bowser. don't you dare at
tempt any tricks on my COW. I don't
want a scandal but I'll divorce you if
you ever look cross eyed at her"
well. We'll see how you'll come oct. +"
''Oh. yes-throw cold water on nv eff
forts to give you all the comforts of life
It's a wonder TO me that | don't get dis
couraged and 90 TO the gutter, as many =
good man has
Early the next morning n woman ap-
peared with q COW and calf having them
tied behind her wagon. The calf was tied
as well as the COW, and | noticed that il
seemed to he doing its best % keep away
from her. This seemed So singular that
went to the back door to speak to Mr..
BOwser about il, but he promptly called
to me:
Get back there, Do you want to get
this COW excited and her blood heated
up
He paid for his new milch COW and
placed cow and calf in the barn, and after
giving them an hour to quiet down he
came in for me. After looking the ami
mails over / asked:
Mr.. Bowscr. how old is that calf,''
''Three weeks
And that COW is its mother"
"Its mother, You don't think she's its
uncle or grandfather do you, You must
be getting soft in the headn'
DO you notice that she won't own il,
See there. She's ready to cripple il if it
comes near"
Mrs. Bowser. you go in and attend to
your gossip and that wall eyed baby, and
don't you dare to come near this barn
again. You have become cross eyed and
soft headed"
went in, but two hours later. when he
had butcher up to buy the calf, slipped
Oul anu tHt Hldu
That's the way of it, Bowser. That
isn't her calf any more than you are
Queen Nictoria's brother The COW may
be all right, however; she looks like a
good mixer"
The calf was driven away, and Mr.
Bowser put in the afternoon at making a
milk stool and fixing buttons on the COW ;
horns. After supper he went out and
MIXED, and as he brought in pail even
full he set it on the kitchen table with the
complacent remark:
Might have got six quarts more, but
got tired"
THREE GLASSES FOR SUPER.
He made a great ado about drinking
three glasses for supper. and the cook was
sent around the neighborhood TO drum up
customers. He held me in lofty contempt
for awhile, but finally melted enough TO
inquire:
well, did you taste any chalk in that"
"No, but did you observe that it had an
old tastey'
"W-what do you mean"
'If that calf didn't belong TO her what
is the inference
He rose up, turned as white As sheet,
and after great effort managed to say:
The inference is that you don't know
enough to come in when il rains! Mrs.
BOwser, you killed of my hens. and you
caused the death of my pig. Take care
how you conspire with my COW! There is
a limit to which a human being can be
pushedr
Nothing further was said until next
morning, when the quantity Of milk
dropped of to four quarts. began to
express wonder and amazement, but Mr..
Bowser interrupted me with:
Il didn't expect even that much this
morning. She is grieving for her calf"
The quantity at night was the same,
and Mr.. Bowser's marble brow wore q
look of anxiety. At the end of a week
the quantity had fallen to three quarts at
a milking, even with Mr.. BOwser feeding
ten pounds Of meal per day. Then vent
ured TO observe:
'.Mr. Bowser, | was satisfied from the
first that you had been swindled That
calf new
"Oh. You were, Well, / wasn't, She's
grieved for that calf until her milk is
nearly gone, but I'll fat her for beef and
get at least $50 more than she cost me.n
We kept the beast from March 10 Sep
tember. She yielded us about $40 worth
of milk which no one liked TO use, and
she cost $50 for fodder Her first cost,
exclusive of the calf, was So Mr.. Bow
ser sold her 10 suburban butcher fol
S25, and on the evening the trade was
and as we sat in the cleaning,
remarked:
We'll, it hardly paid US to buy the
COW"
lit didn't, eh' l expected you'd be
fiingtng ont some insult pretty soon! Why
didn't il pay us, Who coaxed me into
buying her. Who did her malicious best
to drive that COW to her graves Mrs
RnMsnr | inst wish ynn had some hrs-