The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1887-03-03
FATHERLY BILL NYE.

His Capacity ~ Wiii-Make EvinceA ~ |
Some Remarkable Legacies.
Mr.. Bill Nye is responsible for the |
following fond, paternal epistle. It will
be noted that he sets shining example
to other men Of means by submitting in
advance an outline Of his proposed will
for the consideration of his heirs:
My DEAR HENRY: This is dictated
letter. The thoughts are mine but the
penmanship is that Of a man named
Beasley, who is doing the chores for us
this winter. My reason for hiring a
private secretary is that last Tuesday
the strawberry blonde Shote slumped
through hole In the ice, and in striving
to rescue him from watery grave I
fell and broke one Of my legs, just
above the fetlock.
Kind friends came from everywhere
to ask me If it hurt much, and in a
thousand different ways showed their
gentle desire to draw me into spirited
conversation. A doctor came down
from the Insanitarium to set the leg,
and tied his horse to little sugar
maple tree that set out last spring.
When he puts in his bill for medical
attendance he will be surprised to find
an Offset of eighty cents for that tree. I
may be slightly crippled, but you can
announce in your valuable paper that
there are no flies on me to speak of.
While spread out here with nothing
to do my mind has been quite active,
and have had drawn off for me the
following outlines of will, which I
send you inclosed herewith. "Please
read and return" as it says on the
Bible rack on board the cars:
Know all men by these presents, that
I, the subscriber, being of sound
mind and realizing that I am now
under the Doctors care, and therefore
may be swept into eternity at any mo-
ment, do hereby make, execute and
publish this my last will and testament
firmly by these presents:
First--I hereby appoint my beloved
wife Henriette to be my sole executrix,
assignee and receiver Of my entire
estate, with full powers to pay taxes
on said estate forever, and to have and
to hold the same so long as grass grows
and water runs, together with such
other and further relief as the court
may adjudge.
Second-I hereby request that the red
horse Napoleon be sold and the pro-
ceeds thereof used towards defraying
my funeral expenses provided that the
sum of twenty-five dollars therefrom
be set aside for the purpose of main
tanning a large, aggressive bulldog,
whose duty it shall be to monkey DER
my lowly grave until my dust shall be
of no use to science. 1t is my desire
that my executrix shall so maintain
said bulldog hereinbefore set forth in
order that pimply young medical stu
dents may not make too free with all
that is mortal of a superior man. 1t is
my special desire that no part of my
economy shall contribute in any way to
science or to the amusement of class
of sore-eyed goslings, who can not get
near enough to live man to operate
on him.
desire to state, also. that hope
whatever may be odd or eccentric or
abnormal about my format ion may be
generously allowed to pull oblivion ovel
itself and fade away. do not wish to
be perpetuated in the form of fatty
tumor or osseous formation. Let my
good deeds be my only monument. Lei
the post-mortem in my case be omitted
and the time taken up in some Other
way.
Irequest also that at my funeral the
free-list be suspended, and that those
only who haze personal interest in the
proceedings be permitted to take part
Persons who make the funeral industry
a business or rely upon it as a means o.
relaxation are requested to abstain from
my funeral as personal favor to me
give and bequeath, make over and
present to my beloved wife Henriette
all and singular, my real and persona
property aside from said horse Napoleon
heretofore enumerated and set aside fol
funeral purposes, to have and to hold
all said property during her lifetime
and after that the said real and persona
property to pass to my beloved son
Henry, who is engaged in publishing {
paper at two dollars per year. To sale
beloved son Henry l also bequeati
all my wardrobe. I have worn ou
his old lawn-tennis and polo clothes
while he was attending college, using
his boating and baseball suits for under
clothing during the winter, and now tina
am about to pass on 1 leave my owr
clothing to him as slight testimonial
of my appreciation for his kindness t.
me when had no polo suit of my own
also direct that an obituary, consisting
of forty lines, relative to me, be printed
in my sons paper. eod6t, at ten cents
per line, to follow pure reading matter
for which the sum of twenty-four dol
lars will be found in an old sock in my
escritoire in the barn. 1 do not carr
for the obituary, but desire to aid .
painting. struggling enterprise.
1t Is also my desire that all my debt
contracted during life be paid up aftel
my death. My object in dying is not il
any wav tn evada the Davment of M,