The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1887-02-03
WIT AND HUMOk.

in Kentucky. A man got five of them
on the first DEAL Philadelphia Press.
The life of the book-agent is full
OF wormwood and gall. The worm
wood is barely perceptible. Merchant
Traveller.
Nobody appreciates dinner-party in
vitations more than the society young
man who only has apartments. ."-Bos-
ton Gazette.
1t is said that some children get all
their impressions from their mother.
This, then. Is how slippery men origi-
nate.-Mdcon Telegraph.
There are in Massachusetts $1,000
more women than men. That is why
the women have TO stand in the horse
cars.-Boston Transcript.
Barber-Pretty short. sirp Customer
Well, yes am. just put it down on
the slate. will you? Much obliged TO
you for speaking of it-LoaoeH Cttzen-
Midnight is called the whiching time
of night, because at that hour it is some
times difficult to determine which to do,
60 home OF whoop it up larger. .-LJe.
Again we would like to remark that
the man who leaves the snow on his
sidewalk is he who drops buttons in the
church contribution box.-Neao HaUen
NeUS.
The interest on mortgage and a gas
meter are alike in going on with their
work whether there is anybody around
to boss the Job or not.-E'aH RtCer Id
TGhce-
Smith with effusion) Hello. Brown.
L Il, vi
Brown (with sadness) No. it was my
brother Smith Ohoughtlessly) ly)-What
pity Washington Crtttc.
A subscriber asks: Can you send
me good receipt for good hoarhound
candy?' Certainly we can, dear. Send
along your candy and you will get a
rece pit by return mail.-AeW haUen
Nes0s.
Pa" asked young Jooly, "what sort
of a tree was it that George Washing
ton cut down with his little hatchet--a a
cherrv?" Chestnut. my son." replied
the old man, absently; chestnut y
Puck.
LandIady examining a fugitive
boarder's trunk)-Whv. Bridget, his
trunk is full of bricks! How could they
have got there? Sure, ma am, he
brought one home in his hat livery
night. Life.
.Pa," said Johnny. looking up from
his book, "what does it mean to pile
Ossa on Pelion?'' ..There, don't bother
me now," replied pa; task your ma, she
understands all about millinery. ."-Bos.
ton Transcript.
'.For what is it that my sad soul
yearnsp" asks a poetess We DOM
know. dear, unless it is for the editor to
send YOU check instead of the little
note Returned with thanks. "-Neu
HaUen NelOs.
A Massachusetts woman recently lost
the use of her jaw and the doctors say
that she has worn out the muscle that
acts MS hinge. We somehow wonder
that this does not occur oftener.-Neu
HaUen NeaCs.
.Why do the heathen rage?" asks a
religious paper. If they got larger
percentage of the money collected fol
them perhaps they wouldn't rage Sc
gcstion.-N Y. Graphic.
..Indesd, it happened in less time
than t.,ke to tell it." said the lady wht
was considered somewhat of a bore
40. | haven't the least doubt of that,
replied her patient and truthful listener
-Fonkers Statesman.
Faith is sometimes represented by the
figure of drenchcd female clinging L
a sca-w:, shed rock; but II better person
itication would be bal.l-headed maj
buying bottle of patent hair-restorer
Shoe and Leather LepOrter.
PA. have you got the hydrophobiap
mo. BERTHE; what makes you ask tina
question: ..Well, heard ma say to
day that you got awfully bitten wher
YOU thou yht she had fortune IN hsl
own name. 81 Harper's Bazar.
Tender-hearted young lady--O! yol
cruel, hcartless little wretch: TO rol
those poor birds of their eggs! Wicke,
little boy-Ho! That's the old one a
you've got on yer bonnet Guess sh,
won't care.--Forest and Stream.
"You can't expect man of my trad,
to join this STRIKE" said earpet-beater
"Why notP" asked the walking delegate
Because we are the only carpet knights
and we can raise more dust by working
than loafing. - -Phiiadeiph a Herald.
Mrs. de Hobson (complacently) ly)-Yes
hr. Feaihlerly. that is a portrait of my
self when little girl. 1t was painted
by celebrated artist Mr.. Featherl,
(anxious to say the right thing)-Er-
one of the old masters?'-M Y. San.
A fashion item says: .Bonnets will
not be worn as high this year as last. >
il this be true, all This talk about ..ele
waiting the stage" may as well bt
dropped. With less lofty bonnets, the
stage Is high enough. -Norristown Her
aid.
A sheet OF paper seventeen inches
wide and more than seven miles Ions
was recently made at Watert0wn, N
7. 1t is thought possible to print al
entire sentence of William M. Evarts OF
it if agate type is used.-AeD Haze,
Ners
Sister Clara likes to have you call or
her, Mr.. Featheriy," said young Bob
by. Featherly's heart gave great
throb as he whispered: 'How do you
know that. Bobby?'' because she
says your perennial amusement"
N. Y. Sun.
THE boys have an appropriate nam.
for the pastry cook ut our boarding
house." remarked the Snake Editor
''What is it?'' asked the Horse Editor
''She's darky from Virginia, and they
call her the old dough minion." Pitts
burg Chronicle Telegraph.
w. R. Travers, the wit of Wall street
one day saw his wife bringing Il motto
in their home which read, God Bless
Our Home" Let me put one into the
other corner" said MIR. Travers .Whal
is the motto?" II would like to have il
read, And d-n our Cook
Professor do you know about
the Apennines? Student Happy mines!
They are in Chicago. They got ava,
with the pennant three successive sea
sons. You bet they are happy nine
I'm glad to see you taking such interest
in baseball. professor. ''-7eras Sift
tngs.
See here, my friend" SAID the bar
tender to man who for several min
utes had been engrossed at the free
lunch table; .'ain't you going to buy
any beer?" mo, sir" replied the busy
man. Il was reading last night thai
beer tends to take away the appetite. y
N. Y. Sun.