The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1887-03-16
HIS EXPLANATION.
The Member From Sawbuck County Tells
Why He Is Opposed to Innovations.

Why He Is Opposed to Innovations.
In the Arkansaw Legislature. Men,
Der from Sawbuck County. "Mr.
Speaker: Yesterday while I was
sorter dozin'--fur I hadn't slept much
the night afore-I heard you fellers
talkin' erbout er hygiene bill. I amt
ez well posted Ell mout be, and l
KANT, like some Nv the fellers, read
Their Constitution with one eye shet,
but when it comes down ter KNOWN
whit folks need, wy I'm allus thar
when the roll is called. / know the
condition Nv my people ez well ez any
man in the county an know whut
they need an whit they don't need. l
know that they need more sheep, an
that they could make use NV er few
more hogs; that they want
a better breed NV chickens an some
coon traps, but I'll be dinged-an' I
say dinged advisedly, Mr. speaker-if
they need any Nv yore hygiene. They
have lived all this time without 1t an
some NV them have crowd putty fat,
too, an it amt with while now to in
troduce fool tricks that they don know
nothin' erbout Some time ergo thar
come into our community youny lady
from St. Louis an she had on high hat
full NV feathers. ADJUST all our women
folks laughed at her, an my daughter
Nan and my wife Sue was specially
tickled. Never mind, says /, never
mind, fur you'll be smilin' on that fool
rig fore long Mr. Speaker, not more
than week went by until the women
folks built their Sunday hats a few sto-
ries higher an begun to stick feathers
in them, an one day when l come from
mill, 1 never heard such er squallin' in
my life. I drapped a bag NV meal an
rushed into the smoke-house an l wish
may die dead eff thar want my
daughter Nan an my wife Sue er
snatchin' the feathers outen my domi-
nicker ROSTERS tail. My gracious,
mur, says !, grabbin' her by the cali
ker, 'whut in the name NV common
sense air We doin'.'
"'Git outen my way she howled,
an made dive at the rooster that had
got loose frum her.
Muir, muir Icried, agi'n grabbin'
her by the caliker, wait er mint till
the situation sorter cools off.
'Then my daughter Nan grabbed
the rooster an ez he was squallin' fur
mussy that never come ter him, she
robbed him Nv his last tail feather.
Man, says I, with a strong solution
NV sadness in my tone, that chicken
cost me er half er bushel NV seed peas
an er settin' NV guinea aigs, an, now
you've dun stripped him NV his manly
beauty! Whut made you do it, Nan?'
''Then my wife, Sue, fluttered me.
DO you think, says she, that we air
goin' ter live like heathens with little
old low hats without no feathers on
emf Wall, I'll give you to understand,
sir, that we amt goin' ter do no sich er
thing an with that she made furi-
Gus dive at er ole hen that had come up
ter see whit was the matter an cotched
her, an snatched out her tail feathers.
Mr.: Speaker, I wush you could er seed
my daughter Nan an my wife Sue
when they went ter church the next
Sunday. They had on feathered head
gear as tall as a churn, an I'll be
blamed-I say blamed advisedly, Mr..
Speaker-if my bay mare didn't git
skeered at 'em, run away with the car
ry-all and smash it all to pieces. This,
sir, explains why lam opposed to any
thing new. Mr. Secretary, when the
time comes jest put me down agi'n
thut hy-hy-hygings bill. !" = arkansas
| TIr19eler