The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1887-05-26
NUMBER 65.
THE MOMENTOUs QUESTION,
BY EroNIAH SCRUB, ESQ.
Written for the Palatl.a Nens.

'fHfH f'f bH &'tue.
The question of the hour is hogs. The
most independent race ON earth is the
pure, unadulterated rnzor-back. One
may have the ability to advocate men
and measures, do and undo important
matters, but he falls into insignificance,
as far as Independence is concerned, by
the side of n nine shilling razor-back
hog.
You can vote, il is true. You can
read and understand the operations of
the world. You may know this moment
what happened the last. in the farther
most ends of the earth. You may un-
derstand and explain why the sun rises
and sets, the moon follows the earth, the
component parts of water, but you can
not go into your neighbor's field and
help yourself to sweet potatoes without
skinning your reputation. A nine shil-
ling razor-back hog can.
You may be able 10 solve the most diff
ficult problem, talk latin like parrot"
prate about political economy with the
ease of last years Congressman, roll
around the world ON bycicle, soar
above the clouds in balloon, walk ON
the bottom of the ocean but you can't
carry peck of fieas under your neigh
bor's house. A nine shilling razor-back
hog can.
Yes, Mrs. Etoniah Scrub, you are
right. A Florida razor-back is the most
independent animal on earth. He will
trip you up ON the highways and by
ways, he can be on both sides of a rail
fence at once, he can draw himself
through knot-hole and close the hole
so he can't get out again; he can, in the
dead hour of the night, when church.
yards yawn. feast upon the cabbages
these hands have planted. Yes, a nine
shilling razor-back hog can.
''Why don't the Legislature abridge
his freedom you ask Mrs. Etoniah
Scrub, am surprised 10 hear you. Why
madam "A razor-back has more influence
than any five hundred men in the coun-
ty. You may petition the Legislature
TO lower the whisky license; 10 raise
their salaries; 10 vote themselves sup
plies; to increase their mileage and with
bated breath and whispering humble
ness they will listen To you, but ask them
to let the nine shilling razor-back hog
root hog or die" on his own dung hill
and they will be as deaf as a post and as
balky as "A Texas mule.
As you say Mrs. Etoniah Scrub men
amt what they used 10 be- and that most
of the Legislators ought To be made over
again. Too true, too true, but madam, you
and are too old for that business. "How
can the razJr-back be prevented from
running your gardeny' you ask, madam.
All, there's the rub. IL is question
that has puzzled the wisest heads that ever
were rocked in a dug-out cradle in the
most humble log cabin in the widest
wilderness of the nation, and the only
answer yet vouchsafed is that the legis-
ator is afraid of the hog owners vote.
The future question will not be are you
a Democrat or Republican, are you for
tariff for protection or revenue only, do
you endorse Civil Service or go in for
spoils; these questions will be but atoms
and will have no more influence than the
dust that is floating in the air. The
question, madam. the momentious ques-
ton will be, shall nine shilling razor
back hog rule and ruin this glorious
country. The race of Etoniah Scrub ex-
claims with one voice nc, and madam the
man who is in favor of the hog will
be consigned to the pen Of oblivion and
lay forever in the trough Of despair.