St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1887-05-07
MR.. AND MRS. EOWSER.
Masculine Perversencss Described by
Long-Suifering. Patient Wife.


Lons-SuiferinG, Patient Wife.
All husbands find fault with their
meals. know this to be true, because
Mr.. Bowscr says SO. think 1t moth
ing strange when Mr.. Bowscr sits down
to his dinner and begins:
''Humph! Same old corned beet!
Yes, my dear; it's the same corncd
beef you ordered rs YOU went down
this morning"
''Oh, it is! [ didn't know but it was
some I ordered y year ago! What do
you call these thiugs?''
Potatoes, of course
POTATOES, ch? I'll try and rcmcm-
Der that name And what's this?'
Cabbage. my love
''Oh! didn't knu,v but it was wood
pulp. my love! Was this bread made
since the wars'
"Celtainlv. 1t is only two days
cd"
''Humph! Buying some poor coffee
again, sec! Look at that! That stun
looks as if it was dipped out of mud
hole,''
But you ordered this very coffee
yourself only night before last.
He growis end cats, and eats and
growls, and I've got used to it. 1t is
only now and then that he proceeds
to violence The other day he express
ed his fondncss for pumpkin pic, and l
ordered the cook to make two or three.
We had one brought on at supper. and
as soon as Mr.. Bowser saw it he stcrnly
inquired
What do you call that performance
there? When was it born, and where
is it going top
Mr.. Bowscr. YOU said you wanted
some pumpkin pic
Yes
"Well, here it is. and as good a one
as You ever ate; made it myself. after
mothers favoritc rec pc.
Mrs. Bowscr, do you call that
pumpkin pie
II do. SIR
Then | want to be branded Il fool!
What do you take me for, any way?
Don't you suppose | was eating pump
kin pies before you were born?'
why isn't it pumpkin pie?'
why ism t bootleg a boot? Where
is your other cruste''
''But pumpkin pies never have any
upper crust
Don't theys Mrs. Bowser. you can
deceive the cook. for she is a confiding
foreigner, and you can stuff most any
yarn down our poor little baby, but
don't try to bamboozle me. 1t won't
woys, I'm glad for your sake that my
mother isn't here to laugh at you"
In two days had a letter from his
mother, affirming that there was no
upper crust to pumpkin pie. and l
brought my own mother over in the
flesh as further witness. but what did
Mr. Bowser do but loudly eXclaim:
"Bosh! You old women have forgot
ten half You knew! You are thinking
about pudding and milk, you are. OF
course there is no upper crust to pud-
ding and milk, and | never said there
was"
He cost nae good girl last week by
one of his wllims. [ happened to Won
der aloud during the evening if she had
put her bread to rise. when he promptly
inquired:
Mrs. Bowser, do you know why
bread rises?"
Because of the yeast
But why does the yeast expand the
dough?''
because it does
Exactly. You also live because you
do, and that's all you know about it!
You ought to be ashamed of your igno-
rance of natural philosophy. Ill see
If the girl knows any BETTER
He went out and inquired:
Jane, have you put the bread to
rise?''
Eyes, sir"
"Do you expect it to riscP"
'tOf course"
'Why don't you expect it to fall?'
caro- you running this kitchen?' she
sharply demanded.
Virtually, yes. My object is to see
how we'll you are posted on natural
philosophy. Why does the bread rise
instead of fall?"
because it's a fool. and I'm an
other for staying in q place where a
man is allowed to hen-huzzy about
the kitchen! I'll leave in the morn
ing''
And leave she did. and all the con-
ISOLATION I got from Mr.. Bowser as he
came up to dinner was:
'It's good thing she left She
might have mixed something together
which would have caused our deaths.
Come, now, hurry uptthe dianer!'
Mr.. Bowscr has improved some in
the direction of taking care OF the
baby. I can now leave them together