Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-07-09
eURoeTTE
4 Number OF Inrisive Comments on Top
&c. That Are Cppermost.


. moment : silence the new boy from Hard
acre Crosslots said: "Nothin' but bsthin'
suits
ETERNAL FITNESS.
1t is never too late 10 mend, remarked
the pastor, closing his illustration. Good
thing commented his son. And ~hyP
ssket the parent Because the Older II man
Is the more be ne-Sis repairs.
TIN NEw, NEw STORY.
At the Church If the Holy Sinners Dearly
beloved, YOU will find the words Of my text
this morning IN the fifth paragraph Of the
fourth column on the SECOND page Of The
Sunday Screamer. In orier, however, TO
fix clearly in YOUR minds the apparent rela-
tions Of New York div orces AMI New Jersey
murders, will first read the entire article
before going on with the sermon. breaches
the gospel most acc-ptably for an hour, and
only make, one mistake; reads circulation
affidavit as a reference in the prophecy of
Daniel, but naturally enough none of his
CONGREGATION know any betterD
LYIN's GAR FROM POPE.
Lo.the poor Indian. whose sun uI;cr-d mind,
The settler : hut, or soiiitr scamp will find,
His sole proud Science never taught to stray,
Because BY day or night be knows the ~sy
And simple nature far his soap has given,
Some color-d cisvs uI mses not born in hesNen;
To he, contents hs nstlrsl desire,
But What 10 be, tiS well not to inquire.
He asks no ang-is wing. lie does not care
For anything except the angels hair,
And such n naughty spirit doth lie hath,
He vii not take sn insult or bath
HARMONY IN ONE EASY LESSON.
John Sullivan has been offered s.. 5.oUS year
10 sing bass ia d Boston choir The members
VI the church say II Is "a bg price to pay for
music, but that Eeace AMI harmony are worth
it.
LEAF FROM AN uNPU aLIsHED NOVEL.
'Agamemnun," said his wife, softly, as she
opened the door of her husbands study,
where the colonel was buSily engaged upon
his great speech for the coming Grand Army
reunion, "Acamemnun, dear, there is Il map
In the IsarlOr vino wishes 10 you a moment.
He says If tell you that old Norm, the dead
shot Of old { company Of the old Thpety-
twoth ot the old onth brigade Of the old
marchin' division Of the old Worst corps, Is
on post, you will know him"
The colonel, who was carefully reconnoiter-
ing down the bic column of the dictionary
70 ascertain the proper spelling of bichewmi-
no1s lost his place and WAS irritated.
BY all the gods that fought at Cohoes. or
some otaer place up that way, | can't lie
bothered by every duffer that served in the
United States army. ! don't know him;
never heard of such a man: | never served in
that corps. That fellow was deserter, any
how; Icourtmartialed him myself; there was
no such man in my regiment Tell him I'm
busy: tell him I'm out Of town; tell him Ina
dead: send him away. Here, III 60 down
and bounce the beggar myself; I'll let 81 900
he wants TO borrow money Of me. I'll 20
down and fire him out I've had enough of
this; lii settle him once for all, the lazy
losfer, with nothing better to do than bother
busy people who don't want TO see him.
Where is the tramp Oh! Well we'll well!
Old Norm! II l amt glad to see You, l was
askin' some Of the old boys only yesterday If
they knew where you were; | was goin' 10
write to You. don't know any man in the
old fighting Threety -twotb I'd sather see than
you No, you don't have to go, neither;
you're goin' IL stay 70 dinner; put down that
hat; some Of the boys'll be up this evening.
expect Say, do YOU remember that time
down at Fort Slaughter when You and me-
The remaining chapters of this interesting
novelette, will not be published here but if
You want 10 risk a little money you can get a
t-t Of several thousand dollars and twenty
cents that at least dozen subscribers of The
Eagle know all the other chapters by heart.
LEARNING To THINK
Sir Isaac Newton Of Newton Centre Mass
of the greatest thinkers that ever
carried a thinker i'll his bootleg Whatever
be saw be endeavored TO find cut cause for
IL But AS lac was thinking all the time he
didn't see = great deal One day. as lie Was
sitting in the garden, ofling up his thinker,
he saw an apple fall from u tree. Most men
would have supposed that it fell of its own
accord but Sir Isaac had been boy himself
long hsfore founding the theological seminary
which perI+tuates his maine, which, by the
way, is u very easy one 10 spell He at once
began 10 wonder what made the apple fall i;
some foolish people say that he wondered why
1t didn't fall up instead Of down, but that Is
all rubbish. Sir Isaac was no fool if he was
philosopher, and he knew that everything
falls down except u wig, and that false hair.
After pronounced awtterl much thought
and study upon the subject, he discovered the
cause; be noticed that apples were more dis
posed To fall down after school wss dismissed
than during study hours. So the next time
be went into the garden he lay low, and when
the apple fell he held his breath until the
cause came swiftly over the fence u pick up
the effect. Sir Isaac collared the boy, for 1t
was be, and taught him how easily pain
might lie produced by the rapid impingement
Of . common apple switch upon exposed or
only partially protected portions Of the bu-
Haan form divine. He illustrated his theory
with few simple experiments such as boy
Of ordinary intelligence could easily compre-
henc This valuable discovery Of Sir lsaac's
has been great boon to grown up humanity.
Ii Is now universally known that apples are
more apt to fall when there are a few boys at
large in the vicinity than at any other time,
and that apples will fall for u boy when they
might have detied the laws Of gravitstion for