Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1887-04-22
Chauncey Depew's Humor.


Chauncey Depew's Humor.
4 Aelsnss Of Wit, Wisdom and Rhetoric--Raey
Anecdotes Of Travel-Queer Experiences and
Qsser Observations. vi
The Autocrat of the Dinner Table,
tbs Hon. Chauncey M. Depew, of N.
y, delivered a lecture recently at
Canajoharie, taking his recent trip
through Great Britain as his theme.
J. 1t is full OF the pith and Attic salt
whose pungency has seasoned his fa-
nous atter.dinner remarks, and con-
tains bits OF description which show
that poetry, rhetorical spangles and
the management OF a system of rail
roads are not incompatible. A few
excerpts from the lecture are given be-.
low. His preamble is worthy the
man:
1.-The good ship Gallia was in mid
ocean when patriotic American OF
German birth suddenly announced
with wild enthusiasm, This is our
country's birthday The little
community which had been strange
and distant became at once &C
qualnted, and in the common purpose
to properly celebrate the day, each
discovered in all the rest powers OF
companionship and good fellowship
not dreamed of before. Fourth OF
July in nlid-ocean on an English ship
and with representatives of many ma
tionalities on board does not possess
the attendants, the accessories and
the unrestrained enthusiasm which
marked the early rural celebration
with which was familiar; and the
orator has to subdue his eloquence
somewhat to the conditions which
surround him, but on this occasion
our country's bird never screamed
louder or with clearer notes. / had
charge OF the bird"
Those who listened to the American
eagle when Mr.. Depew had him gently
but firmly by the hind legs, will APP
preciate the truth OF this assertion.
He continues:
II was struck during another enter
tainment which we had with the un-
forseen difficulties which sometimes
surround a speaker at sea. An emf
nent lecturer was giving an elab-
crate description OF the English cathe-
drals and their architecture. The ship
was rolling tearfully, and while he
could generally manage to keep one
leg on the floor, the other WAS making
miscellaneous excursions from chair
to table, and the lecturer would find
himself suddenly plunged from the
spire to the crypt, or unexpectedly
thrown from the crypt to the spir5 Of
his cathedral, and the alterations
were made with such speed that the
audience forgot the lecture in specu-
lating on what might be the fate of
the lecturer"
Here he disposes OF the incidents of
landing at Queenstown:
THE question OF the customs off,
GER at the wharf warn us OF the two
elements which Great Britain most
fears, the one affecting her pocket,
the other her safety. ANY wines or
liquors?' No Amy dynamite?
No Then you can pass
Here is characteristic bit-the re-
suit OF an observation taken on q
drive to Blarney Castle:
"Children swarm everywhere, for
the marriage bond in Ireland is a
coupon bond, and they cut one off
every year. I snid to g. distinguished
English Sanitarian: See how these
people live and what pictures ofhealth
they are, while in New York
are ventilated upon new principle
svery month, and in fighting sewer
gas squander our incomes and become
the abject slaves ofthe plumber. How
do you account for ftp Well said
the nonplused scientist, it establishes
the fact that there are only two con-
ditions for perfect heaIth-either all
dirt or no dirt And yet the intelli-
gence and morality among them are
superior 10 those of any other peas
antry in Europe, and out OF these cab
ms will trip barefooted girls so rosy.
checked and neat, and sweet OF voice,
to sell you the little articles they knit,
with bit of bright color in their
shaw!s contrasting with their dark
hair, that they seem to have dropped
from the Clouds" ..
He kissed the Blarney stone quite
unnecessarily, though he says: ~
II knew its virtues both in politics.
in law and in love, and slonged to glue
my lips to it's surface" %~,..
He is patriotic, even at Killarney:
"Wh0ever expects to find the Lakes
OF Killarney gems unequalled in scenic
merit, will realize, if an American,
that centuries Of undisputed praise,
the adjective cumulating as each cycle
rolls round, like the stored adula-
tions of the old masters, produce q
picture in the imagination never real
lied by the eye. Lake George; in our
own state would smile with serene SUI
periority upon any sheet OF water in
Europe, whose beauties have been
celebrated in prose and poetry by the
genius OF every age. Nevertheless, the
unquestioned charms OF Killarney, the
p ruined abbeys and castles upon it's
shores, the wild legends which are con-
nected with it, make it one of the
most impressive places in the world.
] never shall forget the iaunting-car
= ride with the wild horse and the wild
or driver around to the upper end Of
the lake. See here I shouted. as We
dashed at full speed down steep
hill, what will become of us If that
horse stumbles?' And sure, Yer Hon
or, answered the driver, why thin, !
will fall out first" q, 4.
A bevy OF saucy peasant-girls. each
& 3 wild-rose, cleans his party and him-
self out their last shilling. Their
4 method he gives thus:
NJ 9 s Sure, sor, an are the winters very
cold in Amerika = Yes / said. Them
said this bright-eyed siren, i have
been expecting you sor, and have knit