The Sunday morning news. [volume] (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1886-1891, 1887-06-12
FUN.

Sunday ia New York is becoming known
as Thirst-day.
The real estate dealer doesn't want the
earth; he is always trying to sell it.
man who hunts rats may be called a
ratter, but woman who hunts moths il
not necessarily mother.
''Its all very WE'LL" said the grave dio-
GER. ito advise young man to begin st
the bottom and WORK up, bat in my bust
ness it amt practicable
Full many a man, both Young and old
is sent to his sarcophagus, BY pouring
water icy cold adown his warm aesophaous,
Millionaire Clark, of spool-cotton fame
is the owner of the Scotch yacht Thistle,
There is material for pun in this fact. If
we could only get the thread of it.
Old mother Peter she went to the mefre
to see how much gas she had burned; she
danced cctillion when she read seven
million, and her mind was forever DER
turned.
In Japan, according to correspondent.
man introduces bis better half as ssmv
fool of wife" In Japan all the furniture
Is made OF light bamboo, and such a thing
as rolling-p pin is unknown.
s'You don't call on Miss X any
more r. "No." 'What is the trouble ~
''Oh, don't like her father" ssYou don't
like the old gentleman Why not ?" "Well.
you see, he's such a kicker
There is time for all things. The
young man who failed to sell ice water AZ
i've cents per glass to the Kentucky con-
yention would have done thriving busi-
ness had he called around at the DELEGATES,
rooms at 5 a. m.
fashionable journal informs its readers
that the fashion for matching everythinci il
constantly growing in favor. Ladies should
remember the fate of John T. RAYMOND
the actor. He had great passion far
matching pennies, nickels, half dollars.
etc. and be is dead now.
"Here. porter" cried distinguished
victim of the Interstate Commerce law
who was travelling on Southern railroad
''bring me bottle of ale" ssCan't do it'
sab. We's passin' through a prohibition
country. You'll have to wait about fifteen
minutes"
A Western paper accidentally got one Of
Browning's poems in its puzzle depart
ment, and three weeks later the editor re-
ceived slxty-four letters from his readers
asking why didn't they print the answer.
They all admitted that it was one of the
hardest puzzles they ever attacked.
"Why haven't a 690-acre farm az wall
as that man riding by in his carriage q,
yelled red-nose1 Anarchist orator as he
glared at the crowd. "3ecause he saved
$500 and bought MS farm when it coat him
81 an acre, an you poured your $500
dawn your throat" responded a man on
the back seat. and the orator ked no m ora
conundrums.
fGoing aboard this steamer, s'r?s asked
the captain of a gentleman who was snr-
veying the boat IS she was making ready
to leave the wharf in Buffalo. "Fhat az
ponds. Captain, what Is your boat insurad
for ?" '.Sixty thousand dollars, sir. \ ssAhf
Sixty thousand, and she's worth about
thirLy-five thousand. Captain, YOU needn't
wait on my account. I'll take the rail-
road"
"Mr. Bison" chidel the city editor. ssyon
should know the difference between tba
words auditors and spectators. How
can a crowd looking at base ball CANA he
IAN audience p" s'Well," retorted tba
sporting editor, ''if you'd come ont TO 10
Olympic Park and hear the umpira rnie
and the players object, you'd understand
that there can be great deal of work for
an audience on such occasions"