The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-03
QUEER COUNTRY THIS.
Carl Dunder Jumps on the Wrong Msn
 and Becomes Sick All Over. c

Sergeant, vhas some warrant oudt to arrest meP" softly inquired Carl Dunder, as he tip~toed into the Wood bridge street station house.
 ''Not that I know of-why?" replied Sergeant Bendal.
 "Vhell, two or three days ago a strange man comes in my place. Vhas l Carl Dunder? l vhas. All right. Mir. Dunder I vhas of the Board of Health, und I like to look in your eel lar for dead rats und cholera. Dot seems all right to me, und so light der candle und he goes doun. He vhas gone long time, und when he comes oOp he says dot cellar vhas all right. He vhas in New York, Chicago, Toledo und odder places, und he neafer see sooch clean place."
 "Some swindler, of course. ."
 "Vhell, in der afternoons anodder mans vhalks in on me. Vhas I Carl Dunder? I vhas. All right Mir. Dunder, vhas dot sewer in your cellar all right? If he vhasn't, dot sewer gas fills der whole place und you vhas taken to der bone-yard. Dot seems all right, and let him go down. He vhas gone good while, und when he comes oop he says he vhas in Buffalo, Cincin- nati, Syracuse und Baltimore, und he neafer see sooch a sewer before.
 ''He was another swindler."
 "Vhell, dis morning the third man comes in. Vhas I Carl Dunder? I vhas. All right. Mr. Dunder, vhas der Fire Commission. Maype your cellar vhas all right if you vhas cut off by fire, und maype she needs some fire escapes. Please light dot candle und I shall see. He vhas gone twenty min utes, und when he comes cop he wipes off his shin init his elbow. Dot put some ideas in my headt, but he says he vhaS in Kansas City, Omaha, Milwau- kee and St. Paul and he neafer saw a cellar fixed oop like mine. In case of fire he could shump out like rabbit y
 What greenhorn you are!"
 "Vhell, maype I vhas. l go down cellar booty quick to look aroundt, und find dot dose fellers drink three bot ties of my wine und shteal some more. Dot vhas a game on me, sergeant"
 "Of course it was"
 "Vhell, made cop my mind dot der next feller pays for all. Shust after dinner he comes in. He vhas sweet und shmiling. Vhas I Carl Dunder? Ivhas. All right. MT. Dunder like to go down cellar to see your -"
 "What?"
 "Shust aboudt dot time I shump for him. und in two minutes he vhas pulverized. I make a mop of him, und I smash two tables init his heels. He crawls out doors after awhile, und when he vhas gone half an hour my telephone rings. Hello! Vhas dis Carl Dunder? He vhas. Vhell, Mir. Dunder, you haf almost killed der mans we sent to read your gas meter und she vhill cost you fife hoonered dollar to settle. :"
 "Noi And you pounded the wrong man?"
 "Vhell, how can help it? One day false expressman brings me shtone in a package und collects eighty cents. Der next day anodder man brings me package. und after I lick him I find she vhas a bundle from der shtore. One man comes in und collects money to build shurch. He vhas shwindler, und I look oudt. I gif der next man some awful kicks, und he proofs dot he vhas q preacher. You see, it vhas all because nopody vhas like himself two times. Sergeantr'
 "Well."
 q vhas going home und go to bedt. Ivhas seek all oafer. If ten hoonered men come to shwindle me it vhas all right und I doan' say word. If you ring cop my telephone tonight und I vhas hanged by der neck in de wood- shed you can say dot died because of seech queer country."-Detroit Free presS