The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1887-05-26
THE FUNNY PROFESSOR.



a QulsS sitting with the Printers Cured
Him Of Isvity.
Professor Remington, of Calacanthus
!; Academy, the author of many Of the
amusing articles which have recently ap-
psared in the Daily Horn, called on the
editor Of that journal, several evenings
ago, and, after much "tittering," said:
"If, sir. the articles which I have been
sending to your influential journal were
humorous, have now prepared one for
you that Is unreservedly funny SO
funny, indeed, that even /, after
Ctnceiving 1t and thereby being pre-
pared for. all surprises, cannot read
Il over without extreme laughter.
should think that when an author
laughs at his own conceits 1t is the best
test of their mirth-provoking qualities.
Artemus Ward, you know, often laughed
uproariously at some of his jokes, and
what better bears out the truth of my OBJ
serv alton, the Jokes that most excited his
laughter had the most effect upon his
readers"
The editor, who was running six-line
advertisement for Calacanthus Academy,
agreed with the professor.
~ am told" said the school man, "that
printers are fair judges of humor."
"Yes," replied the editor.
"Weli, then, sir, when they strike this
article wave of mirth will ride through
out your entire Office. BY the way, l
would like to take an unobserved position
and hear their comment"
The editor consented and the professor
secreted himself behind pile of paper
He had to smother his mirth when he re-
called certain expressions in the article,
and once, had it not been for the timely
and vigorous use of his handkerchief, he
would, with a snort, have betrayed his
hiding place.
First Compositor with groan 1--we
gone into the floral business.
Second Compositor-How SOP
First Compositor-Caught some slush
from Calacanthus."
Third Compositor with a groan]-Is
that chump writing again?
First Compositor-Yes, and he's extra
funny this time.
Second Compositor-He's calculated to
make man tired.
First Compositor-Yes, and yet some
people wonder why printers drink.
Third Compositor-The real wonder Is
that they don't commit suicide.
Fourth Compositor-Hello, I've got a
t0kc VI IL. w ISL udu tudI lcuOW.
First Compositor-What would you do
with him?
Fourth Compositor-Teach him to
stand on his hind legs"
Third Compositor-He's getting fun
nier. Says here that widow is a widow
because her husband don't live wider.
Loud groans]
First Compositor-Hold on. Here's a
master stroke. Says that the yellow
negro ought to have more affection for
the mule than the black negro has be-
cause the yellow fellow is mule-atto.
More groans.
Third Compositor-Wonder If the law
would do anything with man for killing
him!
Second Compositor-Not if the jury
had any sense.
Fourth Compositor-Hold up, another
hen on the nest. Says that one of the
lines in Burns was written by toad.
"Oh, wart some power the giftie gle u.s."
1.-THE printers loudly thumped their
Second Compositor-That settles it.
If that fellow comes around here ! will
bathe my hands in his cold and watery
blood.
The professor slipped away. As he
passed through the editorial room the
editor innocently asked:
Professor, won't you stay and look
over your proof?"
mo, thank you. In fact, don't feel
very well this evening."-Arkansas Irac-
e1er