Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1887-09-08
RATES OF SUBSCRIPTION.
WIT AND Ill NOR.

A novel under the curious name OF
1.-THE Wasp" is Just published. Ii muSt
have bad ending. LIFE.
Amy appearing on the piazza with
some lemons) Ada, have you got
squeezcr? Ada--Only Gus, and can't
spare him. - 70wa Topics.
While the summer girl is Mt Nan.
tasket breasting the wave her good old
mother stays ut homo and stems the
currant. Springfield Union.
Men will spend dollar at the ban
while declaiming against the outrage
of charging % cents admission To Il
temperance lecture. 7cras Sytings.
Kate-Louise, dear, there's Grape on
the Van Briskcts' front door Some
one must have died! LouiSe-lmpossi-
BILE! I'm positive the doctor hasn't
been there for several weeks. Life.
Mr.. Looter (of u poetical turn, just
aroused from nap) WAL, deolah,
/ guess I've been on journey into the
Land of Dreams. Mrs. Looter (of
practical turn Did you take sleep
erP-Har2er's Bazar.
The lady who is supposed 10 be the
leader of fashions among the Sioux
Indians does not wear striped stock
ings; she says three stripes of green
paint are cooler and cheaper. Shoe
and Leather Reporter.
Mamma What are YOU doing.
Ned?" Ned You told me that when
felt angry with you must count
ten" Mamma -"Wcil?" Ned-"lve
counted 767 and I'm jus as mad as |
was before. - lid BITS.
docs Mr.. Stirling live hcre9" asked
mechanic of woman he met ut the
door. "Ycs, sir" 81 have come down
to clean out his furnace" You're
just u little late; the sheriff has just
been here. ~ TIE Judge.
Her mother and his mother-in-law-
"He's a brute. my dear. and don't cry.
gave YOU To him because he said no
knew the secret of max ing you happy
Daughter We'll, he's kept his secret
admirably. - French Fon.
A queer thing about water is that IL
adulterates nothing but milk. A man
can put it in his whisky. his wine, or
his cider and he is all right; but if he
jail.-Ncio orleans Picayane.
Two Bohcmians at cafe whats
happened to you, old chapp Did You
get Il situation?' 20, I've left Jour-
nalism aud gone into trade I'm now
in the furniture business. "And have
you sold any?" "Yes-my own. -
Paris Figaro
Mabel (innocently) Clara, is that
Mr.. Twddlestone an Englishman?
Clara-No dear; he was born in Bos-
ton. Mabel Then where did he get
that strong English accent? Clara
He lived six months in New York, dar-
ling. HdyY crs BaEar.
Wife-John, why didn't you wake
me up last night during the lire on the
next block? Hus5and-lt didn't
amount tomuch. Wifc-Wcil the next
time wish YOU would let me know il;
you know cant sleep if there is fire
anywhere near It'd bits.
Wife (to husband who has just re.
turned from a visiD-''So you intend
to go back again some timc?" Hus-
band-"Ycs. Wife you must
have felt perfectly at home" llus-
band - no; | enjoyed myself very
much. -ArkGAsaw IraUeier.
Heiress (twcnty millions in her own
right Ethel, dear, will never marry
a man who smokes. Seventeen swells
chuck away their cigars.) suppose
you know am engaged to young
Brass? Seventeen swells-O, Gawd!
Partagas, too.JOwn Topics.
Miss de Struck Mamma is inquir-
ing for you IN the library, papa. |
know Count Comeupsky will excuse
You for moment He can read that
article himself. Count (?) Comcupsky
(absent-m.ndedly and unguardcdly as
the old gentleman rises) "Nextw-
Judge.
Citizen Haven't you got any rela-
tive at al2 Tramp Yes, sir have
one, but he is distant relative.
"Who is thatP" "Its brother, sir"
"Well you don't call brother dis
tant relative. do you?' "W y, yes,
sir; you see he's dead, sir. lonkers
Statesman.