The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-07-21
Glashes Of fun.

When did Adam first use a walking
stick? When Eve presented him with
a little Cain.
It is said that a Pawnee chief has seven
teen wives. We have no doubt they will
keep his wig-warm.
When a plough hits yer under the ribs
"a minit's use of gribbin' hoe'l have more
effect than an hours cussin''.
An Irish lover once remarked, ".Itis a
great comfort to be left alone, especially
when your sweetheart is with you"
81. ,HWhat is the worst thing about riches?".
asked the Sunday school superintendent.
And the boy said, "Not having any"
r.. At the ball-(whisperingo-"What
lovely boots your partner has got, Mary!n
Mary (ditto)-"Y Yes, unfortunately he
shines at the wrong end ....I>:s
DR.. Mary WalkeEssays she don't want
any one to marry her. for her clothes.
No one will, Doctor, don't worry. Your
orig" will never attract any man. gr
frankie is four years,old, and not much
accustomed to nausea One morning he
was pretty SICK and said very sadly, ri
do not know what makes me joggle SO
inside!"
."I feel so miserable again this morn
ing" said a complaining wife. ~"Yes,'
replied her ,exasperated husband, styou
wouldn't be happy if you would misera-
BILE all the time"
An observer Of the famous. Siamese
twins remarked that Kit was very fortu-
nate that they were brothers. It would
have been embarrassing if two strangers
had been joined in that way"
Professor Ito students) Pray, go on
smoking; it doesn t annoy, me in the least.
On the contrary, I like to see others enjoy
it. 1t is the same with hay; I don't eat
any myself, but | am delighted to watch
others enjoying it,"
"Say, pa" said the infant irrepressible,
"a.boy who takes messages is a messen-
ger, amt he?" eyes, my SON." "Anda
man who takes a passage is a passenger?'
"Hyumphs !' "Well, is a man who eats
sassages a sassenger?'
Signal. Officer Greedy will have the
thanks Of the farmers of the country for
his special weekly weather bulletins. If
there is anything that the farmers of
America must have it is an official state
ment of last weeks weather.
"Pa, what is the interest of a kiss ?"
asked a sweet sixteen of her sire. "Well,
really Idon't know. Why do you ask?"
Because George borrowed a kiss from
me last night and said he would pay it
back with interest after we were married."
A nebraska paper says: "The funeral
services of the late Mrs. Col. Potter will
not take place to-day, as first announced,
owing to the fact that they would inter
fere with the rattle for a fine double-bar-
relied shotgun, which takes place at the
Colonies office to-day. 1t is but justice
to say that the rattle was arranged for be-
fore her decease."
"You said you loved me just now;
what do you love with, your ~forehead?"
"No." "Your hand, your foot, your
cheek, your eyes? 2" "No-no" and the
inquiring hand futtered from one member
to another as they were mentioned, paus-
ing at last over the heart, with a trium-
plant, "Oh, I know what | love with
it SITS the piece that joggles!"
This is a copy of a circular recently is
sued by the Salvation army in a Kansas
town: Smiling Belle from Wichita,
Kan, the girl who jumped out of a two
story window to get salvation, will be at
- rink, Monday, April, Is at 8 p. m.
Cyclones of salvationl Tornadoes of
power! Gales of grace! Celestial bree-
yes! Collection at the door to defray
expenses"
Mr. Quill, the editor Of the Scrawler,
was seleping peacefully when a heavy
hand was laid on his shoulder. Mr. Quail
awoke.
"What do you want?" demanded.
"Tm a burglar" was the answer; "hand
over your valuables."
"My dear sir, do you know that I'm
an editor?" p
.You don'tsay sol Well good night.
I'm sorry I troubled you"
"Don't mention it, but before you 60,
let me have your name for a years sub
scription to the Scrawler. We have the
largest circu-"
But the burglar had vanished. :
II thought you were having a boom
here ?" ~-40
said a stranger to a man in a Dakota town.
We are having a BOOM"
1T doesn't look much that way"
We're having one just the same.
Local parties have been taking Eastern
spectators out to look at lots in the sub
urbs ever since the LIST of April. Just
wait till thew begin to pet hack and vorI'I