Charlotte messenger. [volume] (Charlotte, Mecklenburg Co., N.C.) 1882-18??, 1887-05-21
WIT AND HUMoR.

When Boston wife puts apostscrlpt
to her notes her husband catches on.
N. B.-Notabena in the house.
mo, SIR" said the practical man,
mo bric-a-brac on the mantel for me.
It's nuisance. Where's man to put
his feet?'
1t takes four rat-skins to make pair
of slippers, with the understanding that
the slippers are not to be sold in Chica-
go or st. Louis.
always go to bed on a cracker or
crust of bread" says hygienic writer.
Most people would prefer to go to bed
on clean sheet.
Boy with feeling)-Pm an orphan,
and fathers broke his legs and is in
jail, and mothers in an insane asylum,
and if go home without any money
they'll lick me.
''The first umbrella appearedin Eng
land in the year 1777." 1t is not stat
ed when the umbrella disappeared in
England, but it is. safe to wager that it
was also in 1777.
"McSwilligen, have you read thenew
story, "A Cry in the Night'?" asked
Podsnap. NO." replied McSwilligen,
"being a married man, my children
supply me. "-OI city Derrick.
So you don't know what Burdette
means by ''macadamized pike" ehP
just you tackle pike that is about six
days caught and eight days cooked on
a railroad lunch-counter, and you will
know.
The humorous market is dull. We
quote coachmen jokes, prime, at 5 to 6
cents per million; ice cream jokes, no
demand; bank cashier jokes, weak at l
to II cents per ton; choice plumber
jokes in demand at 81 to 81 per ton.
The man who prayed for those who
sit under the ''drippings of the sanctu-
ary" was near relative of another
who besought the Lord to ''prop up dc
brudder and sister with the propera-
tions of de gospel. "--Harper's Bazaar.
The man who drove a mule in race
and won in remarkably quick time un-
derstood mule nature. He kept tug
ging at the reins and shouting, "Back,
back, you brute!'' all the way round the
course, and the mule went ahead for all
he was worth.
''The wisest of all sayings" said
some one one night at the old Fielding
Club, sis the old Greek maxim, Know
thyself.' (" "Yes," said Charles Ken
ney, "there's deal of wisdom in it.
Know thyself; but," he added, ''never
introduce friend"
A reporter in describing the turning
of a dog out of court by order of the
bench, says: "The elected canine, as he
was ANONYMOUSLY dragged from the
room, cast glance at the Judge for
the purpose of being able to identify
him at some future time"
'.Mother," said little girl, who was
engaged in making an apron for her
doll, Il believe l will be Duchess
when / grow up.'' "How do you ex-
pect to become Duchess, my daugh-
ter?' "Why, by marrying a. Dutch
man, to be sure, replied the little
girl.
A Lewiston family recently received
a visit from well-known clergyman.
In the family is an active little girl of
years. She listened very attentively
while grace was being said, and at its
conclusion she looked up in the clergy-
mans face and said: -" "'Tain't pretty to
talk so at the table. My papa DON'T"
-LeWiston Journal.
Strangers are surprised to sec New
Orleans policemen in full uniform
drinking at bars with hoodlums, and
smoking cigars on their beats while on
d,,@x, n,I,o Na,.r Vorl1 r,ol;ooroo,, ~,,ool--
around to back door to get his smoke
and drink; but he has some style about
him when he walks his beat.-Nelo Or
leans PicGyaaae.
One of the Japanese students, while
out for a stroll, was accosted by
sophomore with the inquiry: ''What's
your name?" The gentleman from Ja-
pan answered politely, giving his sur
name. "Oh," reioined the questioner,
''you heathens don't have but one
name, see." "What was the first
name of MosesP" was the reply.-Har-
gard Lampoon.
The Greely expedition cost the Gov
crnment 1852, ,996. We don't want to
appear parsimonious and mean in these
matters, but couldn't it be arranged to
starve few men and freeze them to
death little nearer home and at less
expense? A winters soiourn in a
spare ROOM of Michigan farm
house would accomplish the same re-
suit, and we'd learn just as much about
the North Pole
Just starting on their wedding trip:
Young wife-s1 am afraid, dear, that
our trip to Montreal and Quebec will
be very expensive" Young husband
at may be trine expensive, but just
think what a delightful time we will
havel" Just ending the wedding trip:
1oung wife-"What delightful time
we have had, dearl'' Young husband
-"Yes, we have had apleasant enough
time, but just think what an awful ex-
pense it has beenp'-Nelo York Sun.
A charming young girl, accompanied
by her octogenarian great-grandmoth-
er, who is all that the name implies,
enters Paris dry goods store. "How
much is this ribbonP" she asks of the
polite young clerk, who has bounded
agilely over several stools to wait upon
her. "a kiss yardl'' replies the
young masher gallantly. ''Give me