The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1887-01-20
90 Tl-T --T--N' 7 n
WANT 70 thy THE PLATFORM.

xAs ,esasssr se tsssurs DsrsAa xsiis
Of His Trials aAa 1sibulatiens.
"At about this time Of the year, when
the woodchuck takes farewell view Of
the clover Geld and goes head nrst into .
hole,'' says the manager Of lecture
bureau, 1.-THE platform nends begin TO
crawl out and make life miserable for me.
Everybody thinks he, she or It can lect-
ure. Only yesterday 9 big man with =
thick neck and forehead like . hens
up 70 the lecture racket, q he called It.
Hs said: what der pubNC wants 70 ter
look ct me. I'm famous, I am Well,
what do you suppose was the basis Of his
desire to 20 upon the lecture PLATFORM
He had once challenged Sullivan and
fought him / don't know how many
rounds-through the newspapers. I
promised to let him know II any
church lecture committee sent for him.
Nearly all the bridge jumpsrS have ssnt
IN applications for jobs on the rostrum,
and have here letter from IN ex-bank
cashier asking IL Ihave any dates open on
the other side Of the Canada line. re-
piled that the Canadian demand for at
fractions seemed TO be filled, but there was
D vacancy in the course Of the Sing Sing
Moral Improvement society which he
might all to general satisfaction. told
him the terms there were usually liberal,
but he hasn't accepted the ofRer.
1.-THE other day . man cam3 In and
wanted to be put on the list for soien.
ti6c lecture, which he said was in popu-
Lar style and very instructive. He struck
me 20 favorably that asked him to bring
the lecture in the next day and let me
look over It He said he called IL The
Resources Of Civilization He came with
. gripsack, took ont q roll Of manuscript
and some curious apparatus and pro-
ceeded to read me an essay on high explo-
sives. He took up something that looked
like compressed sawdust-he said IL was
'vigorite'-snd announced that, although
BY percussion It would explode with ter
ri6c violence, he could and would safely
hammer - It was about 70 fall and bun
died him out Of the once. He was q
theoretical Nihilist.
"And then the elocutioniRts, a. they call
themselves. The good Lord deliver me
from that tribe. They all want to infiict
upon an abused public 'Curfew Shall Not
Ring Tonight They are almost as bad
- the funny men Of western country
papers, who have been copied all over the
country and have got up rehashes Of Joe
Mit'er and Artemus Ward that they want
to ffre OF under titles that have NO earthly
connection with the subjects on which
they propose to speak.
"Perhaps you don't believe more than
halt Of this, but 1t is all solemn fact.
Why, what would you say II should tell
you that Virgins, the FL Mahdi Of Of
tawA, wanted me to arrange for him an
eastern circuit, 20 that he could deliver q
lecture on MY Storms and How They
Have Been Sidetracked by m Unscientifc
Providence Well, perhaps that wasn't
Just the title Of IL, but at any rate he
wanted to talk on that weary old chestnut
the weather. I wouldn't be surprised
II discharged patient from an in
ebriats asylum should walk in here
and ask me to star him in the church
courses with thrilling monologue
on Snakes; or, How I Had 'Emr
Hark! heard somebody coming. You
wait and see II It isn't an aspirant for
fame and fortune on the lecture plat
FORM"
The door opened, and tall, good look-
ing and well dressed womsn entered. She
had . society air, but an independent,
determined look withal. She had been
left to her own resources by the death Of
her husband, and she wanted to earn her
own living with the capital Of . good
presence, fair voice and . snght knowl.
edge Of the art Of public reading, ae-
Quired in IN amateur way. Il was no use
trying to discourage her. She was deter
mned to try, and knew she could succeed.
30 her name was booked after some con-
sultation. When she had gone the man
aQer Of the bureau asid: U9hA wanta In
lecture on cranks, and think I can give
her plenty Of points. ."-"Uncle Bill" In
Chicago Herald.