The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1887-04-17
MIR. AND MRS. BOWSER.
THE HUSBAND PREPARES A GRAND
SURPRISE FOR HIS WIFE.
He Guarantees to Furnish Plenty u llllk
for the FAmily-Ths Gov and Calf.
The Bateher's Explanstion-E6eess Of
GrieE-FinaIe.

for the FnmtIy.Ih0 Cow and Cali.
The Bateher's Explansti0n-E6eets Of
Gri~E-FinaIe.
What dye thinks' exclaimed Mr..
Bowser, as he rushed into the sitting room
without taking time to leave his hat and
overcoat ON the hall rack.
Some of our relations deads'
Relations? Nawi Mrs Rowser, for
the past two or three weeks / have been
preparing a surprise for you-a great sur
prise. How much milk do we use around
tins house daily2''
Three quarts Of milk and a pint Of
cream
Exactly, Mrs Bower, exactly. And
the cost is twenty-four cents. You call it
milk, but what is it2 A compound Of
chalk and water, which must kill us in
side Of tive years"
''And are you going TO change milk
mens''
Exactly, Mrs. Bowser. I am going to
be my own milkman after thisr'
You are going to-to"-
Yes, I'm going to buy a cowr'
''But you always get cheated on such
things"
s'Dos That's all you know about it,
When 1 don't make % per cent. profit l
want to be kicked. A COW will be the
best paying investment we ever made.
Just figure tor yourself: There are twelve
quarts of rich milk per day, at six cents
per quart. That's seventy-two cents per
day or $J.04 Per week. Take out seventy
five cents as the cost of her keeping, and
You have a clear profit of SAG Is that
u swindle2 We can't use over four quarts
per day, and can therefore sell eight to
the neighbors. Just speak to Green and
Smiths folks, will you,'
MIR. BowsER's WARNING.
'sMr Bowser, don't you remember our
pig,''
pig, pig! What has a Durham cow
got to do with n short horn pig? And,
besides, your own base conduct killed that
animal. Mrs. Bowser, don't you dare at
tempt any tricks ON my cow 1 don't
want a scandal but I'll divorce you If
you ever look cross eyed at her."
well, wen see how you'll come ont. -
''Oh, yes-throw cold water on my ef-
forts to give you all the comforts of life.
It's n wonder to me that l don't get dis
couraged and go to the gutter, as many a
good man has"
Early the next morning a woman APP
peared with a cow and calf, having them
tied behind her wagon The calf was tied
as well as the COW, and / noticed that it
seemed to be doing its best to keep away
from her. This seemed 80 singular that l
went to the back door to speak to Mr..
Bowser about it, but he promptly called
to me:
.'Get back there! Do you want to get
this COW excited and her blood heated
upr'
He paid for his new mich cow and
placed COW and calf in the barn, and after
giving them an hour to quiet down he
came in for me. After looking the ami
mails over l asked:
''Mr. Bowser, how old is that calff''
Three weeks"
"And that COW Is it's mothers''
ssIts mother? You don't think she's its
uncle or grandfather, do your You must
be getting soft in the headr'
do you notice that she won't own it,
See there! She's ready to cripple it il II
comes near!'
MRS. Bowser, you go in and attend to
your gossip and that wall eyed baby, and
don't you dare to come near this barn
again. You have become cross eyed and
soft headed
went in, but two hours later, when he
had butcher up to buy the calf, i slipped
out and heard the man say:
That's the way of it, BOwser. That
isn't her calf any more than you are
Queen VictOria's brother The COW may
be all right, however; she looks like a
good mixer
The calf was driven away, and Mr..
Bowser put in the afternoon at making a
milk stool and fixing buttons ON the COW 3
horns. After supper he went out and
MIXED, and rs he brought in pail even
full he set it ON the kitchen table with the
complacent remark:
''Might have got six quarts more, but
got tired
THREE GLASSES FOR SUPPER
He made a great ado about drinking
three glasses for supper, and the cook was
sent around the neighborhoOd to drum up
customers. He held Ine in lofty contempt
for awhile, but finally melted enough to
inquire:
swell, did you taste any chalk in thats'
mo, but did You observe that it had an
old taste?''
.W--what do you mean"
IF that calf didn't belong to her what
is the inference."
He rose up, turned as white as sheet
and after u great effort managed to say:
1.-The inference is that you don't know
enough to come in when IL rains, Mrs.
Bowser, you killed OF my hens, and you
caused the death Of my pig, Take care
how you conspire with my COW, There is
n limit to which "a human being can be
pushedr'
Nothing further was said until next
dropped off to four quarts. began to
express wonder and amazement, but Mr..
Bowser interrupted me with:
II didn't expect even that much this
morning. She is growing for her calf"
The quantity mt night was the same,
and Mr. Bowser'S maj BILE brow wore u
look of anxiety. At the end of u week
the quantity Lad fallen to three quarts at
u milking, even with MIR. Bowser feeding
ten pounds of meal per day. Then vent
ured to- observe:
Mr.. Bowser, l was satisfied from the
first that YOU had been swindlsd- That
calf new
''Oh, You were2 Well l wasn't! She's
gricved for that calf until her milk is
nearly gone, but I'll fat her for beef and
get at least $40 more than she cost me. p"
We kept the beast from March to Sep
TENDER. She yielded us about $40 worth
of milk which no one liked To Use, and
she cost $50 for fodder. Her first cost,
exclusive of the calf, was ST. MIR Bow
ser sold her to suburban butcher for
20, ami on the evening the trade was
concluded, and as we sat in the cleaning,
I Remarked:
Well, it hardly paid us TO buy the
cow"
1T didn't, eh, l expected you'd be
tiinging out some Insult pretty soon! Why
didn't it pay W., Who cuaXc,l HE into
laIying her. Who did her malicious best
to drive that COW to her grave. Mrs.
Bowscr, | just wish you lud some hus-
bends to live with"-Detroit Tree Press
A sleeping Car Reform
The Albany Journal thinks there should