Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1887-08-25
WITANDJHUMOR.

A Louisville man has been superin-
tendent of a Sunday-schoOl for thirty
years, and his business friends are
watching him closely.-Puck.
The word '.jugulate" has become
current in Western journalism. Po-
licemen are more apt to jug-you-late
than any other class of men.-NeD
HdUe1s Net0S.
An exchange has an article on ''The
Rise and Fall of the Poet One inn
portant point is omitted, however, and
that is the length of the stairs.-Bur-
Iington Free Press.
whats the trouble here, Mickey"
''Don't you knowP There's street.
car tie-up." 30, see. That's why SO
many people are standing around in
knots. .'-PailadelphiG Call.
Young wife-I took great pains with
that cucumber salad, John, and l hope
you enjoyed it. Husband (anxiously)
Pm afraid, my dear, that / took
great pains with it, toO.-NeU YORK.
San. -. 80
We don't question the. statement
that George Washington never told
lie but he certainly was never asked
bv,a fond mother what he thought of
her cute little baby. - Washington
Critic, 'a
30, Ella" said Clara, II think Lily
and her beau have quarreled." ''Why,."
replied Ella, ''what makes you think
sop "Well, her parlor has been bril-
liantly lit every evening lately. ."-Neo
York Sun. ....,
Mrs. Brown How elegantly that
dress fits you! What pity the ma
terial is so cheap! Mrs. Jones-The
goods in your dress are really superb.
What a pity it doesn't fit you.-Har-
per's Bazaar. ..
Some Of the tip-top in society say
''the low-necked dress must go"
They will please say which way it
must 90, in time to warn those who
wish to take to the woods before it
goes lower.-Ne,O Orleans Ptcdy~me.
Hark! What's thatP Thatp That's a
brass band. What are they out for
tonight, l wonder? Out to get the
air, of course. And, by the way, l
should think from the sound that they
hadn't found it yet.-Loa0eH Citizen.
Only girl who has run typewriter
at 81 per week and finally marries her
employer can enter dry-goods store
and paralyze lady clerk receiving Sc
per week. It's no use for million
aires wife to try it. = Detroit Free
Press.
'How is it l find you in prison, my
manP" "It was mistake, sir, that
brought me here-indeed, | might say
a blunder" "How soP' II only stole
thousand dollars when l could just
as easily have taken $4,000. o."-P'ttS.
burg Dispatch.
A book agent who invaded the King
dom of King M'wanga of Africa was
captured by order of his Majesty and
ouartered into seventeen pieces. The
agent was selling q fashion magazine
and the King has 1000 wives.-Norr's
to0n Herald.
Wife of rich rural Californian a
her first grand dinner. The Colone
, offers his arm: II am to have th
pleasure of taking you out to dinner
Mrs. A." Rich rural wife: go Ions
with you; my husband is here; taxi
your own wife out!-P@c6.
90, Charley" she exclaimed, "wha
, beautiful arbutus! and did you reall.
pick them yourselfP" Yeds," sait
, Charley, II bickkd 'em bysef, begaus
, l thaughed you'd prige 'em bore thai
! if | boughd 'em ad (chew-hasp-k
> chem! eggschuge beD foridt's. "-Ne'
, York San.
Lily (secretary of the cooking class
: Now, girls, we've learned nine cakes
=. two kinds OF angel food, and seve
pies. What nextP Susie (engaged)-
, Dicks father says must learn to bak
! bread. Indignant chorus - Bread
: Absurd! What are bakers for?-Pitts
f burg Bulletin.
T. Texan-Yes, mebbe you wouldn'
: think it, but I made my pile ou
y of watered stock. New-Y orker
- shouldn't Judge so from your appear
y ance. Texan-No, perhaps not; bu
. you can't expect to make much out 0
;, the creeturs if you let 'em 60 thirsty
r -Nea0 Haven NeUs. F.
C A crowded horse-car. Enter Mrs
g Mulcahey, with jug. Mr.. Mahoney
d who is seated, facetiously = Wud
o hould the whisky fur yez, Mistres
: MulcaheyP Mrs. M. with witherin
2 2 sarcasm) Thank yez kindly, sor, bu
). . ye have all ye can hould now, II
. thinking. .-AIbaey argus.
;, "Have you Hours of Idleness' here?
II the maiden asked, as she sauntered il
T, to the secondhand book store. enc
5 we haven't MISS" said the youth b
p hind the counter. 'The boss is an oil
7, sklnflint, and when we amt doing an
x business he keeps us dusting til
Z books. Boston Courier.
''Ah! what's this?" exclaimed tt
intelligent compositor. Sermons
n stones, books in the running brooks
,e That can't be right. | have it! I
IS means Sermons in books, stones in IL
2, running brooks That's sense" Ar
r, that is how the writer found it. Ar
h yet he was not happy.-Boston Ira
IS script.
= ! Two laborers met upon street co
=, ner and one of them with kindly i
~ ~ terest said: "How are you doing, Pat
"a 80, finely, man; never did better
" my life. ''What are you working at
30, I'm real-estate conveyancer
5 s'And what in honor's name, is that
s'Why, Pm driving q dumpzcart, man