Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-12-23
PRESSED HUMOR.


the salesman, often.-7he Road.
No dentist has yet been able to pub
the tooth of timo.-New York Journal.
The man who has ''seon better days"
is now having very bad nights -Lo0eA
Citizen
The man who has never sworn at a
telephone never saw one. -MiIOaukee
Journal.
body else do all the work. -SomerUiHe
Journal
The finger that points with pride ia
encrcled by diamond ring. -Bostos
Transcript
Ability thout energy doesn't count
for much in this busy world of ours
Philadelphia Call
The thing that woman always
knows best is how some other woman
ought TO dress. - omerviiie Journal
The barrel act never excites the envy
of clrcus-going politicians. They know
the barrel is empty.-NeW Haven NeDs.
In some sections there is popular
belief that there cannot be a wedding
without hitch in it. - Yonkers Gazette,
There doesn't seem to be a high
estimation of value placed upon tho
bride who is given away. Philadelphia
call.
A man too lazy to find employment
for himself always has time TO find
fault with other people. -NsW Orleans
Ricayuac.
IL Shakespeare could have forseen
what an everlasting racket those plays
would kick up he would never have
written them - Chicago Journal.
Poetry is like the faculty. if may SO
denominate it. OF being able to volun-
tarily move the ears. 1t h gift. IL
cannot be taught to others. Bill Nyc.
George Gulp." said his friend.
warmly. lis one OF tho salt Of the
earth" II believe you" replied the
other man; 'he's dry enough to be all
Of it. - Burdette
New Hampshire has law to sup
press lightning rod agents California
needs no such law. for amongst our
other charms we have no lightning
san Francisco Alta
An umbrella dealer tolls chow 10
open an umbrella without damaging
it. II would be more important 10
know how to take your eyes off an UNI
brella without losing Norristown
Hedrid
And here is another clew Says Cas-
sius; Upon what meat doth this our
Caesar feed that he is grown so greats"
The writer was evidently thinking of
rasher of Bacon. Boston Transcript
Mr.. and Mrs. Old-Soak are going to
the play. Mr.. S-"Ah! sweet wife,
dressed in white and blue tonight"
Mrs. S.-"Yes. and with your nose
we Il represent the American fag.n-
TOOn Topics.
They were talking about bald headed
people before jones. why" said ono
of the party to him. you havn' t half
dozen hairs left" Yes" was the
response, but they are all
mine. "-Judge.
A teacher in this city asked a class
to write an essay on 1.-The Result OF
Lac ness" and one of the bright but
lazy boys in the class handed in as his
n blank sheet of paper -
NeU York Tribune.
A home drive. -Flasherby-"A
Coachee. I've found things terribly
dull and fiat in the city to-day" Bus
who'd thought ite
Been minding your own business. may
hap, sirp"-Puach.
"A pretty hard walk. wasn't it ?' in
CURED citizen of one of the parading
fremen. ION the contrary replied
the reSshirted hero. looking in search
of bootblack; 'it was decidedly
soft one. ~ YonkerS Statesman.
When you return from an adventur-
Gus fishing excursion, my son, don't
undertake to tell more than has hap
hened to you. You may put a ten
pound fish on six-pound pole. and.
then how are YOU going to land him
. Charleston Enterprise.