Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-01-20
MRS. BOWSER'S HUSBAND.
The Trouble he Experienced in Getting Ready
for Church-WhY His Wife Staii at Home.
Detroit Free Press.

snail WEI" he echoed as he stopped
pulling off one of his boots TO look
up.
AIRS. Bowser, you seem to be drifting
INTO heatheniSm! Of course we'll go to
church. 1t is our duty to set the world
an example"
But it is such job for You to get ready
YOU know?"
4 don't know anything of the kind.
Ii can't get ready three times to your
once ana with one-tenth the fuss. I'll go
on ana KICK myself to death! While I
am not so-called Christian, Mrs. Bowser.
l propose to respect the Lords dav bv
the same"
oh, L intended to &C."
"Oh, you did! Aud perhaps Won were
expecting me to stay at home and saw
wood or play poker!'
We have breakfast at o'clock Sunday
mornings.
Al 1880 was up, and ] called to Mr..
Bowser, who lay on the broad of his back
with his hands locked under the back of
his neck.
Yes" he groaned
About five minutes later 1 called HIN
again.
'Yesm
Mr.. Bowser, it's quarter to s.
Cant you let Teller sleep?"
but you are going to church."
At sharp l got him out of bed, bUt it
was halfpast before We sat down to break
fast, and O'Clock before we got nm.
Then be went off TO dress, but it wasn't (
minutes before he shouted: \
Mrs Bowser, where's my shirt?"
" by, IL your bureau drawer, of
course"
There isn't a single Internal shirt
there! III bet hundred dollars the
laundry hasn't come upra
1 went upstairs and pulled out the
drawer, and there lay six clean shirt in
why didn't you say in the top draw
err" ne growIed, and went downstairs.
tn hear him three minutes later, calling
to me:
Mrs. Bowser, have 1 got a pair of pant
aloons In this house?"
''Yes, sir. Your Sunday pantaloons are
In the closet"
mo, they amt! I've looked the house
from top to bottom and they amt to be
foundv
L went up and showed them to him,
hanging right before his eyes. At the
same time got him collar, laid ont his
cuffs and necktie, and put his coat and
vest on chair. l got about ten min
utes' rest before he beloved over the
banister:
''Mrs. Bowser. if I was a wife and
mother and housekeeper I would pay
some attention to my husbands ward
robew
'What's wanted now?"
and let that swindling Iaundryist steal all
my collars and send mo up old rags in the
place of them!''
[ went up and showed him his own
mark on every collar, and fitted one to
his neck in half minute.
| had got down and finished conbing
my hair when he suddedly uttered war
Whoop and shouted:
E'Mrs. Bowser, I've busted the buckle Of
my vest!'
''Well, you must pin the straps togeth-
en-"
''Ill be hanged if I do! If you had
looked my clothes over yesterday, as a
faithful wife should, this would not have
happened"
/ ran up and sewed the buckle on, and
had just got down again, when he called
out:
"Did you tell the cook to black my
bOots?"
"Why, no."
"Of course you didn't! That's just the
kind of a hair pin you are! How on
earth this house has run as long as it has
is MYSTERY"
I carried his boots out to the cook and
promised her a new collar to shine them
up. By that time Mr.. BoKser came down
stairs.
"Mrs. Bowser look at those cuffsr he
exclaimed in terrible voice as he held
them out to me-"
"What's the matter?''
''Matter! Why, I've broken both my
thumbs trying to get the buttons into
'em If you were like other wives you'd
I slipped the buttons in before he
could finish the sentence, and then ran
to dress me. In about three minutes I
heard terrible granting and roaring
in the sitting room, and Mr.. Bowser call
ed:
'By the living gum but why was l
ever fool enough to marry?"
"What is it now?'
Here's hay on my plug hat-on my
Sunday hat-a whole load of hay"
"You were up in the barn loft the other
day when you had it on, remember. 1t
will brush OFF,
"Oh! it WILL Well see if he does! III
wear it just as it is, and let everybody
see what kind of wife I've got!"
made three minutes further progress
toward dres sing when he shouted up
again:
'sMrs. Bowser, there goes the first
church bell! Are you going to get
ready?"
No"
''You ant! Then you'll stay home!
don't propose to go to church after the
sermon has begun and make a show of
myself! What on earth have you been
doing all the morning."
s'Waiting on you"
ooh me! Mrs. Bowser, don't add false
hood to your other vices! I am going
alone?"
He sailed off with benign look on his
tenderly raised his hat to
three or four ladies before he was out of
sight, and l saw by The paper next day