The gold leaf. [volume] (Henderson, N.C.) 1881-1911, 1887-10-20
cousin SALLY DILLARD,'
AND THE PARTY AT CAPTAIN
RlCE'S.
A Once Popular Story that has Delight
ed Many a Hcarer in Virginia and
North Carolina in Former Days.

The following story was popularly
related in Virginia and North Carolina
some years ago, its authorship being
variously attributed. We do not re-
member to have seen it in print lately
and give it here.
TScene-a court Of justice in North
Cardinal
a heardless disciple of Themis rises
and thus addresses the court:
"May it please your worships and
gentlemen of the jury, since it has been
my fortune (good or bad l will not
say) to exercise myself in legal disqui
sitions, it has never before befallen me
to be obliged to denounce breach of
the peace so enormous and transcend
ing as the one now claiming our atten
ton. A more barbarous, direful,
marked and malicious assault; more
wilful, violent, dangerous, and murder
ous battery; and, finally, more d;a-
bolcal breach Of the peace has seldom
been seen in any civilized country
and | dare say it was never your duty
to pass upon one SO shocking to be-
nevolent feelings as this, which took
place over at Captain Rice's, in this
county. But you will hear from the
Witnesses
The witnesses being sworn, two or
three were disposed of-one said he
heard the noise, but didn't see the
fight another, that he saw the row but
didn't know who struCt first; and
third, that he was very drunk, and
couldd't say much about the scrim-
mage.
Lawyer Chops: "I am sorry gen
tlemen, to have occupied SO much of
your time with the stupidity of the wit
nesses examined. 1t arose, gentlemen,
altogether from missapprehension on
my part. Had known, as now do,
of a witness in attendance, who was
we'll acquainted with all the circum-
stances of the case, and who was able
to make himself clearly and ntelligi-
bly, understood by the court and jury,
| should not SO long have trespassed
on your time and patience. Come
forward, Mr.. Harris
So forward comes the witness, fat,
chufy looking man, "leetle corned,' -
and took his corporal oath with an
air.
Chops: "Mr. Harris, can you tell
> us all you know about the riot that
happened the other day at Captain
Rice's? And as a good deal of time
has been already wasted in circumlo.
cution, we wish you to be as compen
dious, and at the same time as explicit
as possible"
Harris: "Edzactly," giving the
] lawyer knowing wink, at the same
time clearing his throat. "Captair
Rice, he gin a treat and Cousin Sail,
billiard, she come over to our houst
and axed me if my wife mought 60
l told Cousin Sally billiard that m,
. wife was poorly, being as she had go
touch of the rheumatic in the hip
and the big swamp was in the road
and the big swamp was up, for Their
had been heap of rain lately; but
howsomever, as it was she, Cousin Sail
Dillard, my wife she mought 60. Well
Cousin Sally billiard then axed me
Nose, he mought go. l told Cousin
Sally billiard that Nose, he was tn
foreman Of the crap, and the crap wa
: Smartly in the grass; but, howsomevel
as it was she, Cousin Sally billiard
Nose, he mought CO."
3. Chops: "In the name of commo
sense, Mr.. Harris, what do you rea
by this rigamarole ?"
Witness: "Captain Rice, he gin
treat, and Cousin Sally billiard, sh
come over to our house and axed M
if my wife, she moughtn't 60"
Chops: "There it is again-witnes
witness, say, please to stop"
Witness: "Well, sir, what is it yo
ne want?"
Chops: q We want to know abo,
the fight, and you must not proceed
this lmpertinent story. DO you kno
anything about the matter before tt
court?"
Witness ITO be sure do"
III Chops: "Will you 60 on and tell
r. and nothing else?'
be Witness: "Well, Captain Rice, |
gin a treat-"
Chops: This is intolerable. M
it please the court, l move that tn
witness be committed for contemE
He seems to be triaing with the court
Court: Witness, you are in a cou
- of justice; and unless you behave you
self in becoming manner you will
sent to Jail; SO begin and tell what VI
know about the fight at CAPITA
Rice's."
!, Witness (alarmed): "Well, gentl
~ men, Captain Rice, he gin treat; al
Cousin Sally"
re, Chops: 81 hope the witness M
be ordred into custody"