Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1887-07-28
FOURTH-OF-JULY ADVICE.
Timely Suggestions for the Smart Young
Men of the Period.

Timely Suggestions for the Smart Young
Men OF the Period.
The annual celebration of the Dec
laration of Independence occurring
soon, few suggestions may not be in
appropriate at this time.
Therefore, my son, let me warn you
against being too inquisitive To peer
into the muzzle of gun while your
companion is experimenting upon the
mechanism at the opposite end of the
weapon may be quite praiseworthy in
a strictly scientific point of view, but
the practice is likely to be attended by
painful results. That is to say, the re-
suits are sometimes painful; in many
cases the effect is altogether painless,
but they are lasting.
Do not blow into the smoking end OF
a fire-cracker The fire-cracker is lit
tie, but it can blow very much harder
than you.
If you are firing cannon, and wish
to extract the greatest possible amount
of amusement out of the exercise, in
duce the person who thumbs the vent
to uncover the hole at the proper mo-
ment, and the effect will be startling.
1t may remove some of your members,
or even yourself; but then, there is the
offset that you will save a great deal
of money that would otherwise be ex-
pended upon gloves, and there is the
added possibility that your board and
clothes will cost you nothing hence
forth.
The spirit of 1776, which you have
heard so much about, is not of that
brand obtainable at the saloon. A
great many persons are not aware Of
this fact, or at all events they get the
two varieties so confounded that they
make confoundedly bad appearance
and feel confoundedly bad the day
after.
Do not think, because young lady
acquaintance smiles upon you on this
day of days, that she is desperately in
love with you. Ice-cream and soda
are extremely palatable to the female
taste, and smile is neither exhaust
ing to the purse (the purse of the
smiler) nor detrimental to the physical
system (unless the smiler assimilate
too much of the l. C. and s..
OF course, you will not go upon the
water in sail-boat, unless you are
wholly unacquainted with the art OF
navigation. If you know nothing
about sailing boat, you will have a
fine time, besides getting a nice bath
without the trouble of undressing.
| should also advise you to eat all
the cakes, peanuts and such other con-
diments as are dispensed by peripatetiC
dealers. The proper study of mankind
is man, and it is, therefore, well tc
know how much ones stomach viii
bear.
You will not forget to buy whip
Why you should buy one, or wha
earthly connection there can be be
tween ten-cent whip and the Dec
laration of Independence l am unable
to say; but as it seems to be the proper
thing to do, don't forget to supply
yourself with whip.
In order to obtain the greatest posi-
BILE results from tire-cracker, do no
throw it in the street (unless restiv,
horse happens to be passing); but pro
ject it into some house in process O.
construction, where shavings ar,
plentiful. You will be surprised a
the success which will reward you
care and forethought.
Before entering a crowd, take the
precaution to unbutton your coat
Remember that while you are enjoyins
holiday, there are people who hav,
to work; and by adopting the advice
offered you can save the light-fngeret
gentry no end of trouble.
Drink all the ice-water possible. Th
more you drink the more you will
crave it, and every body knows tha
there is no greater pleasure in life thai
satisfying one cravings. OF course i
may kill you; but what of thatP Their
will be plenty of folks left to carr,
on this worlds business after you hav
left it.
! Make all the noise you possibly can
People might forget you if you didn't
You will be much thought of if yo1
make your environment hideous.- :
Rosfon TrdnscriDt