Morning journal and courier., 1887-03-12
INVENTED.

A Vermont farmer who had invented a cow-tail holder lost twelve quarts of milk and the skin off his ankles on its first trial. Puck.
 First young Boston blood-say, Dudley, did you ever see the sun risea Second young
 Boston blood-No, Sam, don't think ever did. I don't remember that ever staid up so late as that.-Boston Journal of Educa- tion.
 Omaha hanbermaid-"Wait, Mary, it
 isn't time to lock up the house yet Miss Ethers young man is in the parlor." Omaha kitchen zirl-"He's gone, Sarah" "Did you hear the door shut?" 'Ne, bat the parlor gas is turned up again. n."-Omaha World.
 A man who edited an agricultural journal for fifteen years, and devoted many hours to telling farmers how to cultivate crops and grow rich, purchased a farm and engaged in agricultural pursuits a year ago, and last
 week he was sold out by the sherif.-Nor.
 ristown Herald.
 A man who marries deaf and dumb wife
 doesn't have to take off his boots when he
 ascends to his chamber early in the morn
 ing, but he has to breathe against the wall
 when he goes to sleep just the same as less erything in this world.-New York Graphic A Washington paper says the President has not altered any in his manner since his
 marriage; that when he is introduced to any
 one he simply shakes hands, bows, smiles,
 speaks few words, and passes on. There
 was a rumor going round that he twisted his
 friends arm, threw back somerset, and yelled de6antly.
 Lunatics are not always devoid of wit and satire. A stranger walking about the Mid way station, at Milledgeville, the other day, met squad of them out walking for eXer- else and asked one of them: s'Where does this railroad go to?' To which the lunatic replied: f'It doesn't go anywhere. We keep it here to run the cars on."-Columbia Ga Enquirer-Sun.
 In an African Methodist church in Vir- ginia new convert was confessing his sins, | which had run through the whole gamut ot the decalogue. As he paused to get breath for 8 fresh lot of revelations, brother in
 the gallery shouted solemnIy: ''Put out dat
 lamp?" ''Why for?" asked the pastor. "Coz, , replied the voice from the gallery, ''de viles sinner done return"
 Wife-"No need to ask John anything about the merits of the Somerville minis ters; I haven't been able to get him inside
 of church once since we were married.
 Husband-"Why, Mary, you know better than that; your sister Belle and Fannie | Hartley were both married in church, and you know we went to both weddings, dear. , -Somerville Journal.
 Mrs. Rongwerd was in trouble about some thing she had said. and lady was talking te
 her about it. ''I don't think" sobbed Mrs R., ''that ever made such remark" 'l beg your pardon, my dear," replied hel l friend, "but heard you say it." "Well perhaps I did, but if did, it was an ignis fatuus, and don't think I ought to be blam | ed for it."-Washington Critic.
 Friend to Congressman)-"W way
 are you going, colonela" Congressman
 ''Going to have my picture taken. Want to have 8 cut made. Am in something of g hurry, as I must send the cuts of as soon as possible" Friend-"Are the cuts in such demand as 80 enforce immediate attentions' Congressman-"Yes You see am going tc call someone in the House liar next week and the newspapers will want my picture. -Arkansaw Traveller.
 A Conscientious DIiver.-It was very warm and the old gentleman dozed off in the street car. The car passed his house and still he slumbered. When he got to the end ot the route the driver woke him up.
 "Why didn't you shake ne when the car
 passed my house?' demanded the irate party. The driver replied: 'sI did think of shaking
 you, but the printed instructions are, as you see there: Drivers are not permitted under any circumstances to handle the fare.' called you, but you were snoring so loud you didn't hear me. e."-Texas Siftings.