Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1887-03-23
B ROK EN-.

Aunt-Why have you broken off your en-
gagement? Niece-Because he got it into
his head that I intended to marry him
Life.
A patent medicine advertisement is head
ed, ''What Kills Americans" This is prob
ably true, but it is poor recommendation
for the medicine.-Nor. Herald.
''I hear that young Mrs. Philkins is quite
ill, said Mrs. Joggins. eyes. poor fellow, !"
mentary life that his health is shattered"
At the Sessions-Counsel-D you know
the nature of an oath, my good woman? Wit
ness with black eye)-I did ought to, sir,
which my 'usban' is a Gown garden porter,
sir.-Punch.
Tender hearted young lady-Oh, you cruel,
heartless little wretchl to rob those poor birds
of their eggs. Wicked little boy-Ho! That's
the old mother bird that you've got on your
bonnet. Guess she won't care.--Forest and
Stream.
Maude-Who is this Electoral Count?
Fannie-What counta don't know. Who
do you mean. Maude-Neither do I; only
heard pa say something about Congress
having put the Electoral Count in good shape.
Exchange
Husband-If you only had the ability to
cook as mother used to I would be happy,
dear. Wife-And if you only had the ability
to make money enough to buy things to
cook, as your father used to, J, too, would be
happy, dear.
"How styles have changed since I was a
girl" said an old lady. "When I was young
we used to wear our dresses up to our neck
and gloves with only one button. Now they
wear the gloves up to the neck and only one
button on the dress"
'sLet us shake off the pastl'' shouts q
Washington paper; "let US no longer cling
to the old formsl'' Hooray! That's our
party. Bring us some new forms to cling to
say abont-well, nothing older than twenty,
three.-Burdette in Brooklyn Eagle.
Young Mother-"What do you think OF
the little darling, Major Boots9' Major
-"wel1-er-isn't he rather smails'
Young Mother (reproaehfully)-"He is only
two weeks old, you know" Major Boots
(hastily)-"Ye-e-es, I know. LII meant
small for his age."-Harper's Bazar.
Tommy came home from school and hand
ed to his father the teachers report Of his
progress during the month. ''This is very
unsatisfactory, Tom; you've very small
ed with it." 81 told the teacher you wouldn' It
be, but he wouldn't alter it."-Chicago
Ledger.
Sharp Settlements.-There is one thing
about me, "said Dumley as he wrote his name
in the hotel register; 81 pay as I go, and
don't you forget to remember it !'' "Any
baggsge?" demanded the clerk. enc. u
"Then you won't pay as you go; you'll pay
as you come! Two dollars, please, and re-
member not to forget iti"-Puek.
Must Have Known Her Well.-"Do you
remember the obituary notice of your first
husband that the Bugle printeds" asked Mr..
Small. "Not very clearly" replied Mrs.
Small. ''I often think of it," he said, with
sigh. "Where did you ever meet the ed
itor of the Buglea" 81 never met him. F"
F'Indeedi thought ne knew you well. "
'sWhat made you think soa'' ''Why, he said
your former husband had gone to happier
home. ."-Tid-Bits
At meeting of chessemen in New York
last week it was stated that "cheese to-day
is adulterated with Gotten seed oil, lard resi-
dunn, bad butter, etc." The oil, lard resi-
dunn and bad butter might be overlooked,
albeit the ofense is rank, but the lovers of
the delicacy will be apt to kick against the
''eto.'' That is what they must put in the
Limburger cheese on lunch counters and
which smells so loud that 1t wakes the police
man on the next block.-Nor. Herald.