Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1887-02-04
FUN.
THRIFT is the best

FUN.
THRIFT is the best means OF th.;.
ing.
ONLY question Of time-asking IL.
hour.
The baker always has his hour n,
knead.
The tongue Stays more persons TIN,
The sword.
WHAT makes life dreary is the want
Of motive.
"PrrcH your voice in low key say.
. writer on etiquette. But how abont
when one is shouting to stop the last
car at night.
IT is said that Cain got his wife in til.
land of Nod, but no one can answer the
question as to where she came from
It is Nod affair altogether.
PARDON CLERK-The Governor savs
he can't put his name to your pardon.
Convict-Then, why in thunder don't
they get a governor who can write.-
It'd Bits.
"Ir is discouraging to think" said ,
complaining shoemaker, "that whatever
pains may take with my work it Is
sure to be trampled under foot. Car,
Pretzeps Weekly.
"HAvE You Blasted Hopes?'" asked
young lady of librarian with q
handkerchief tied over his jaws. "No,
ma'am," said he, tits only blasted
toothache. Carl Pretsel's Weekly.
CL1ENr-This piece of property am
suing for is worth $40, 900, and you say
am sure to win. Now, whatll YOU
take to see the case to the end? Wash
ington Lawyer-How much is your
other property worth ?-Iid-Bits.
SMITH (at an encampment) -sentinel,
can you show me to Lieut.. Brown?
Sentinel-Brown, sir, is in the past
tents. Smith-You do not mean that
he is dead? Sentinel-O, no; he is in
the tents You have just passed.-De.
troit Free Press.
"YEs, madam, you are great singer,
but y ou ought TO practice more. "Why
so?" ITO keep your voice in con.
dition. II know that, but TIM afraid
"Of what?" "That some one might
overhear me sing without paying for it.
Chicago Ledger.
"SHALL Wind the clock, fadder9"
asked young Jacob Isaacstein, as they
we're about to close the store. @No,"
said the old gentleman with sigh,
"pizness WIS too pad. Choost let it
alone, Jacob, md We will save the wear
and tear on the veels. "-Neac York
Times.
EASTERN drummer Ito st. Louis mer.
chant)-That was pretty bad failure
of Isaac STEMS. Merchant-Pad?
Veil, you vas right it vas. 1t was de
worst failure of de season. His gredi-
tors made him bay seventy-vive cents
on de dollar. It is peter to stay in
peesness as to fail like dot.-Patck.
A pHYos1LoG1sr comes out With The
statement that man breathes twenty
times minute. This is doubtless
quite true. When alongside of a man
who had been drinking gin and eating
limburger cheese and onions, we were
firmly persuaded that he was breathing
million times o minute. ton
Coat3'ier.
"MAa11E. dear, have you seen anything
of any of my books?" inquired Mr..
Smith, of his newly-married wife. Il
searched high and low for my copy Of
Shakespeare, and 1 can't find it any.
where" ooh! Was it that big book in
dark red binding?" yes" "Why,
mamma was looking through the book
case this morning, and she threw that
book away" "lhrew it away! Great
heavens! What for?" "Why she
looked through the index and saw the
name of an article about THE Tanning
of the Shrew,' and she said she didn't
think it was the proper kind of book
for you to read"
CHARMS OF THE KALAMAZOO BEAUTY.
Twas while ut -the Pier" last summer
That I fell, without much ado
Into the net Of siren
beauty from Kalamazoo.
She spoke with Western accent
That was really shock to me,
And called her stout mother "Monmer."
And always said supper" for "tea."
And knew at the very outset
That of course it would not be right
For one of the great Van Duzers
To marry kalamazite.
And SO left for the city, s7~
Where am wrotched and i'll and blue;
know that I'm slowly dying,
And-I'm off for Kalamazoo.
How are you Mr.. Van Du1er?
And welcome 10 Kalamazoo.
Heard OF my wedding tomorrow,
So come-that's lust lovely OF vou"