davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-08-23
"a LITTLE NONSENSE"

"A mans spellin' is shure indica-
sion of hiz anteseedentS anG of hiz ed
ucaSiOn.
The worst case of absence of mind
we ever saw was the other day when n
man, hurrying for train. thought he
had forgotten his watch and took it out
to see if he had time to 60 back for it
The Managers Wish
Indeed. do not want the earth
With all its strifes and jars:
To me. OF vastly greater worth
Are half dozen stars
-BurdettN
IL see you have rod, line, plenty
of flies, basket and a landing net;
but where's your reel, young man?"
said the guide, sorting over the traps.
"Oh. Wen get that after drinking up
the bait Life.
well" said an old tramp, wiping
the perspiration from his brow with the
back of his hand, Il wish somebody
would explain why so much water
comes out of my pores. l never absorb
any."-Norristo,Dn Herald.
-Counsel-'.Marri Witness
mo" Counsel-"Single?" Witness
"No." Counsel-"Ah, widow" Wit
ness-''No." Counsel-"But, my dear
madam, surely you must be one or"
Witness (simpering)-"No, engaged. "
Punch.
-Economy.-Pater-''Tom, Toni this
III never do. Past eleven o'clock, and
you've been in bed fifteen hours out of
twenty-fouri' Tom-"But it's cheap,
guv' nor-costs nothing. Wh'r'as, di-
rectly fellows up and dressed, ex-
penses begin. Punch.
Scientists note a great diminution
of forest trees in Russia and say it is
because the climate is growing colder
all the time. Russia has always been a
cold place to grow treason. That is to
say, it has the Siberisst climate in the
world. Now don't say that's Don thin,
my son. Neya be Volga, even for the
sake of Russia-in joke. There now,
take the combination and run it out.
1 like to see you enjoy yourself
Brooklyn Eagle
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-08-23
AN EPISODE.
What Did on One Eventful Even
ing.

What is everybody going to do this
EVENING"" 1 ask, addressing the as
sembled family.
II am going to the illustrated lecture
of the Y. Nj. C. A." answered mother.
You know where l am going" said
Bel. She is standing before the mirror
putting the finishing touches to a
charming theater costume.
well, I'm going to the club" This
from Hal, our sixteen-year-old baby.
He has joined society formed among
1.-The fellows" and imagines himself al
ready man.
You don't need to say where you
are going, Bit; when a young man of
ordinarily good intellect ties his neck
tie nineteen separate, individual times
it doesn't take a mind-reader to tell
whittier his patent-leather feet are
tending"
Bit is my eldest brother. He and
are always having tiffs; he is inclined
to dandyism; he also. in common par
lance, Likes the girls" so L have
plenty of opportunities to cultivate my
talent for teasing. He vouchsafeS no
answer to my attack, so proceed:
Papa has already been swallowed up
by that mysterious monster. down
town. so FL be alone tonight; and /
bet I'll enjoy myself more than any two
of you. My magazine came to-day,
and I'm going to have coy evening
to myself reading it: so the sooner you
clear the place the better l will be
pleased"
So l hurry them off as quickly as l
can, and draw an easy chair up to the
glowing CRATE; sink into its inviting
arms, settle my feet comfortably on the
end of the sofa and prepare to enjoy
my evening.
But something is missing. l have a
schoolgirls appetite for fruit and
dainties, and the memory of some de-
licious-looking oranges had seen that
afternoon at the store around the cor
ner persists in haunting me. 1 rise
from my comfortable seat with sigh,
inwardly matchmaking myself for
not getting them during the day; Sc
cure my pocket-book. throw a shawl
over my head, and run down the dark,
quiet street and around the corner to
the store. After lively chat with the
confectioner's boy, I return laden with
goodies. / mount the steps and con-
fidently turn the door-knob; the door
does not open; return it and rattle
it; Ipush against the door; / even kick
the innocent panels. but all is of no
avail; have locked myself out run
around to the back door; that is also
impregnable. Then try the windows;
they are as hard-hearted as the doors,
and as immovable.
By this time am very cold, and
very mad at somebody, though l do
not know exactly whom. 1 60 out
TO the porch again, and sit down to
think what / should do. A happy
thought strikes me; didn't the man in
that funny story I read only the day
before open window-fastener with a
knife? What man can do in q story,
a girl ought to be able TO do in realitv:
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-08-23

did care much for peoples opinions, so
i am quite at my ease. By and by l
ask: Where is your revolver"
With another peal of laughter he pro-
duces an innocent black check-book.
Hadn't you any, really? If 1 had
known that, I'd have jumped in the
window without saying a word, and
led you chase through the house. Oh.
what will the boys say when they hear
of this? They'll never let me forget it
that's sure"
So we talk and laugh like old friends
until the family, one by one. come
home. How did have to take it! 1t
was weeks before Bit could be induced
to cease squeaking out at every oppOr-
tunity in trembling tones: ''Put it
down! put it down." and it is one of
the standing jokes of the family to this
day.
Now for the sequel to this little cpl
sode. The following June / graduated.
That is my month-having been born
in the month of roses and christened
Rose, feel as if had claim upon it.
Mr.. Warren sent me beautiful basket
of flowers, with little note thrust in
among them inviting me TO drive
with him the following day, and ac-
! cepted the invitation without thought
of any thing serious behind it; he had
become quite a friend of the family
since that February night, and spent
many a pleasant evening with us. l
entered the carriage unsuspiciously,
but We had not been out a half-hOur
when, to my dismay, l found myself
listening to proposal of marriage.
80. I'm too young to marry yet" l
said, after my first startled silence.
"You were eighteen three days ago."
"Well, what of that? / was only
schoolgirl yesterday"
Lots of girls get married younger
than that"
SWELL, they're awfully foolish; and.
besides, everybody would laugh at you
for marrying a tom-boy like me; and
1 use an awful lot of slang and bad
grammar; and you wouldn't like that
i'm your wife, would you?"
II adore slang" he affirms.
81 don't believe it." return indig-
nantly; "and another thing, / haven't
a single idea in my head how to keep
house, and could no more cook din
ner than could fly"
81 don't want you TO cook my din
ners; can afford to get some one to do
it for you. What / want is to have you
for my dear little wife, and I'll not
listen to any more objections unless
you say you do not love me. But you
do love me little, Rosie, don't you?"
And then his arm was about my waist,
and he coaxed, and entreated, and
cajoled, and even kissed me, there in
the open road; all the time talking in
the most idiotic manner about my sunny
hair, and laughing eyes, and rosebud
mouth, until between confusion and
the fear that some one would see us,
though the road was lonely, i believe j
answered Yes at least he says did.
and, of course, | had TO stick TO my
word. The result was, that one lovely
day in the early autumn, l, Rose Moore,
a bride i'm white satin and lace. prom
ised before the altar to love, honor and
obey James Warren It'll death us do
part.
You could not guess what his wedding
gift was, so will tell you; pin in the
shape of a tiny golden ladder, and rest
ing on the rungs perfect little golden
rose with great diamond dew-drop
sparkling IN its heart.-DemOreSfs
| fn1fbl,,
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-08-23
SJACoRs OIL
FOR POULTRY AND SWINE.

Mr.. J. u. McCann, Bridgeport, w. Va.
the first 70 discover the virtues Of st. Jacobs
Oil for chicken cholera, says: " A bread
pill. saturated with ST. Jacobs Oil, was
forced down the throat Of the fowl, and
within half an hour il was well as ever"
Mixed with dough" he says, land fed 10
turkeys, chickens aud other poultry suffer
ing from this hitherto incurable disease.
all that are able ~ swallow will be restored
to perfect health and IL the saturated pills
are forced down the Threats of those that
cannot swallow, they viii dap their wings
and crow in your face"
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-08-23

Terre Haute, Champaign Co, Ohio.
received about ten days ago fiye very
fine Polish chickens. A few days ago !
noticed that two OF them had something
like the roup. and their threats seemed 10
be nearly stopped up and made wheeling
sound &C each respiration. One of them
was not able TO walk, or even stand on its
feet. / took a small piece of bread, say
about half an inch square, and saturated
il with -. Jacobs Oil, and fed il 10 them,
once in the morning and again in the eve-
ming. The next morning when went out
20 look at them 1 could not tell which of
the i've chickens had been sick.
CHAS. +. POWELL, Pm.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-08-23
a DAILY TRAINS

n DAILY TRAINS
II To Washington in % h. irs.
To Baltimore in % hours.
This is hours quicker than the fastest
time by any other line.
The Day Express runs entire trains,
consisting of Day Coaches and Palace
Sleeping Cars from St. Louis to Washing
ton and Baltimore without change.
The Night Express has Sleepers through
without change. No other line from st.
Louis offers double daily through train
service to the National Capital.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-08-23
One 8 MIssIssIPPI R'r
The direct and fast line to
Cincinnati,
Louisville,
Washington,
Baltimore,
New York and the East

4 solid lily trains to Cincinnati and
Louisvill - 10 hours, with through day
Cars, P--.cr Cars and Palace Sleening
Coaches. 20 change of cars for any class
of passen Es.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-08-23
Hog Cholera.

Cherry Camp. West va.
ST. Jacobs Oil is the best remedy known
10 me for Hog Cholera. 10 may be given
them in milk-say teaSpoonful TO each
animal twice a day. 1 think that anyone
trying il will find il beneficial.
f. NJ. ROBINSON.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-08-23

The motto on Ben Buffers crest ID
As / find it," That on Cyrus "
fisA's is Nothing without God"
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-08-23

For tickets, rates, or any particular In
formation, call on ticket agents of connect
ing lines, west, northwest and southwest,
or in st. Louis at 101 and 103 Fourth st.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-08-23
Palace Buffet Sleeping Cars
Are run by this line on Night Express
from
ST. LOUIS TO NEW YORK
DAILY
WITHOUT CHANGE IN 80 HOURS

BEST ROUTE TO JACKSONVILLE
And winter resorts in the Southeast.
The double daily lines of Parlor Cans and
Palace Sleeping Coaches by this road from
ST. LOUIS TO CINCINNATI AND
LOUISVILLE,
Making direct connections at both points
with morning and evening express trains,
having Palace Hotel and Sleeping Cans to
Chattanooga, Atlanta. Savannah and Jack
sonville without change. No ferries
transfers by this route.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-08-23

st. Jacobs Oil is an absolute cure for al
bodily pains for which an external remedy
may be applied. II is sold By Druggists
and Dealers throughout the world. Price
nfty cents per bottle. The Charles A. Yo
geler Co., Baltimore. Nd.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-08-23
Chicken Cholera.

Rev. T. s. Brooke, pastor Central Presby-
terrain Church, Clarksburg, w. Va, says.
- saturated a piece of bread size of my
thumb with St. Jacobs Oil, and forced il
down the throat Chickens were in the
last stage. mixed il with meal. and gave
them nothing else. They ate. In q weeks
time all were well"
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1887-09-01

truth of the matter flashed across her
mind, "you see if your father don't
hear of this, sir!''
But her Indignation was always
short lived, and gradually grim smile
softened the hard lines of her face,
though the oyershadowing head-gear
hid it from Tad's anxious gaze.
"And so you want place, ehT' she
said, abruptly, but not unkindly, rs
she turned her sharp gray eyes full
upon Tad, who was looking reproach-
fully at Joe as, having risen, he
cautiously advanced within earshot.
IF you please, marm," was the re-
spectful answer, and Tad looked plead
ingly up at the maiden lady as he
spoke. Something in his thin, pale
face moved Miss Smiths heart curl
ouslv.
The boys who had worked for hel
from time to time had generally beer
unintelligent, brown-faced boys, will
large appetites and a tenency to idle
away as much time as they possibly
could.
Hes got a look 1 kind of like,
though he is pindling sort of boy"
thought Miss Smith, rubbing her nose
reflectively.
Don't You dare enter that gate.
Joseph Whitney, she exclaimed, with
sudden energy, as Joe, with traces OF
his recent mirth on his features, edged
himself along the front fence.
mo, marm," responded Joe, in
voice suggestive of the deepest contri-
ton. Affecting to be overcome with
remorseful sorrow, he applied a small
red-boardered cotton handkerchief to
his eyes, and sobbed Historically, after
which, twisting it between his fingers,
he feigned to wiring tears of bitter
grief from its folds.
Turning her back upon the arch dis
sembler, Miss Smith proceeded to put
Tad through rapid course of question
ing. Did he smoke or swear? Had he
been vaccinated? Were his father and
mother living? Had he been to school?
What church did he attendc-and
few other queries, of similar import.
On all points except that of church
going Tad's answers were very satis-
factory; and Miss Smith graciously adj
mitted that his lack of clothes was Q
tolerably reasonable excuse for his do
ficiency in that one respect
TO BE CONTINUED
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1887-09-01

"The men pulled four into the boat.
then" said Polly, in a hushed awe
struck voice, "a lady-a beautiful lady
with a little baby in her arms, was
drifting by. Captain Flagg reached
out for her, but she said my baby
first and held it right up in both
hands, so he couldn't help catching
hold of it. Then great sea swept the
lady away. A piece of the wreck
broke a hole in the boats side" con-
tinued Polly, stcadying her voice with
an effort, land the crew had hard
work TO get ashore. They man
aged to somehow, though, and
the saved people were sent up
to Bixport. Captain Flagg took
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1887-09-01

ney at the very apex OF the roof, and \
low, old-fashioned piazza on the west
ern front. Two great elm-trees bent
protectingly over it, an orchard of
gnarled apple-trees was in the rear,
the vegetable garden at one side, and
a small yard in front, where. as the
two boys entered the gate, Miss Smith
herself was raking away the dead
leaves from bed of upspringing GRO
cuses.
At their approach Miss Smith threw
her sun-bonnet back. and, straighUen
ing up the rake-handle, stood stifiiy
erect, clasping it between her gloved
hands something like the manner of
a sentinel with his musket when not on
active duty-as she stared very hard at
Tad, whose heart was beating furiously.
$50 this is the boy" she said, in an
uncompromising sort of voice-her re-
mark seemingly addressed 20 herself
''humph!''
This was by no means encouraging,
and Tad's hopes went down below zero
with considerable rapidity. Joe stood
a little at one side, with shadowy look
of expectancy on his freckled face.
"HOw cid are you, Tad?" suddenly
shrieked Miss Smith, with such unex-
pected energy that mechanically Tad
clapped his hands to his ears.
"Fourteen-in my fifteenth year,"
shouted Tad, whose face became quite
crimson through the exertion. So did
Joe's, but from different cause.
Miss Smith started back lnvoluntari-
ly.
Mercy on usr' she exclaimed
"Why don't You speak a little louder!"
she added, in a sarcastic sort of roar.
Il said fourteen, marm-in my fiji
teenth YEAR," Tad yelled, with the fun
power of his lungs; for. unfortunately,
he took her ironical suggestion in per.
feet good-faith.
Miss Smith dropped the ra;;e-handl-,
and sat down on the piazza steps.
Joe, whoes face was OF a lively purple
which extended to his ear-tips, began
to edge toward the gate.
~ on won't do, boy" screamed Miss
Smith, so shrilly that John Doty, who
was blowing in an adjoining field,
stopped his oxen and looked wonder
ingly across at the ''old Smith place. l"
as it was locally called, while Ss-
mantha Mason, Miss Smiths "hired
help" rushed bare-armed from the
kitchen, with vague impression that
Miss Smith was in Mysteries.
Il can't hire any one as deaf as You
are, and run the risk of breaking a
blood-vessel hollering to you," con-
tinued Miss Smith in the same high
KEY, as Tad stood COMPOUNDED and de-
spondent at her abrupt refusal; 'be-
sides, I'm not so hard of hearing as
all that comes to, and your voice goes
through my head like a knife-yah-h-h!''
with which concluding ejaculation
Miss Smith put her hands to the
sides of her pasteboard sun-bonnet and
shuddered. ''Why, Iain't deaf, marm!"
wonderingly exclaimed Tad, dropping
his voice several octaves, land /
wouldn't have spoke so loud only Joe
said you was hard of hearing, an if he
was me he'd speak up good and loud. "
Joe could stand it no longer. With
an explosive yell of laughter he lodged
through the gate, and, dropping in the
green sward, at a safe distance,
doubled himself up in an ecstasy of un-
seemly mirth.
Joe Whitney, gasped Miss Smith,
starting to her feet and shaking her
finger threatening in the direction OF
the nroStrate nractical Joker. rs the
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1887-09-01
CHAPTER vIL.-CoSTISUED.

fCopwiJsted, 1885, by D. Lottrop DE- Co., and
Published Jy Special ATraRgement.I
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1887-09-01

The simplest and the lightest running sew
ing machine on the market. Self-setting
needle and self-threadng shuttle. Sold on
payments to silt purchasers, without inter-
est. Organs and machines cleaned and re-
paired on short notice. Charges moderate
and satisfaction guaranteed. Office on Broad.
way, south OF Shockey s. Snider's.
The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1887-09-01
Adventures Of TAD,
HiPS And MISHAPS OF LOST SACHEL.
A Story for Young and Old.
BY FRANK II. CONVERSE,

AUTHOR or PEPPER ADAMS BLOWN OUT
TO SEA-" paul GRAFTON" ETC
Morning journal and courier., 1887-07-28

7" AN ED A SITUATION by a respectable girl to do gene A ral housework in a private family or to tax, care of children. Inquire at ives 2tt 215 WEST STREET.
Morning journal and courier., 1887-07-28
THE PRESIDENT IN DEMAND. Kansas City and LYnchburg Ask Him
 to Visit Them.

WASHINGTON, July 27.--A delegation from Kansas City called at the White House short ly after noon to-day to invite the President to visit that city during his western trip in October. The President accepted the invita- ton for date to be hereafter fixed between October 1 and 15. The Presidents very in formal remarks accepting the invitation were loudly cheered and as the applause subsided he turned to Mir. Allen, the spokesman, and remarked, sotto voce 'If thls is an evidence of the way you will treat me when I get to Kansas City I don't know when I shall be able to leave there." The President spent some time in examining the invitation handsomely bound volume, and was then introduced to the ladies accompanying the party, who told him frankly that they weren't half as desirous of seeing him in Kansas City as they were Mrs. Cleveland. The doors leading into the corridor had meantime been thrown open and the delegation passed through the red, green and blue rooms. They then proceeded to the steps leading into the War department where the party was photo- gIaphed.
 A delegation from Lynchburg, Va., headed by Senator Daniel called on the President and invited him to attend the State fair to be held at Lynchburg in October. The Presi- dent promised to consider the invitation and give a decided answer.
Morning journal and courier., 1887-07-28
TELEGRAPHIC JOTTINGs.

The New Hampshire House of Representa- tives yesterday passed bill establishing the New Hampshire school of technology at Nashua with capital not exceeding s2O0,,. 900.
 Edward, aged twelve, son of J. NJ. Taylor, proprietor of the Sagadahoc House at Bath, Me-, was drowned at Squirrel Island yester- day noon. The sea washed him from rock while he was fishing.
 Charles Bury, aged thirty five, of Bidde ford, Me, employed on a gravel train at Kittery, Me-, was killed yesterday morning by boulder which fell from bank of g gravel pit, crushing him to death.
 The gross receipts of the New England Telephone company for the quarter ending June 30 were $251, ,7s2; gross expenses $17s.- 588 surplus S73, ,194; increase in surplus over corresponding period last year $14, ,009
 The Newport and Pawtucket cricket clubs played yesterday at Newport. The Newports made S1 in their first inning and 103 in theil second with two wickets to square when time was called The Pawtuckets secured 26 in their first inning.
Morning journal and courier., 1887-07-28
SETTING SAIL, NOT TYPE.

A Band of New York Newspaper Com pOsItors Make Voyage on the Yacht Commodore and Stop at This City. The Morning Newspaper Yacht club of New York, which is en route to Boston ,stop- ped over at this city yesterday. The club, which is composed of eompositors, left New York early yesterday morning. The party
 has a fine sailing craft the sloop yacht 'FCom- modore," in charge of Captain Joe Ellsworth. The typos spent the day in this city, and will set sail for Boston tomorrow. Commo- dore John Wardley made very pathetic speech to the compositors before they started from New York yesterday. He said solemn ly that the press of time would admit of no further delay, so the landsmen had better go ashore. They need have no fears about the result of the voyage, he added, for he fully realized the responsibility resting upon him. As proof of this he had promulgated rule, which he meant to stick to-only one case of mineral water should be opened at time. In fact, he should make himself type of department for his men to copy. If they did not obey him in this respect he would slug them with 8 plate or anything that came handy. There was no half measure about him; it was misery dash or nothing. On the other hand, if the boys behaved nicely he had boxes of all sorts of good things on board, and each should have fat take. The galley had been turned over to genuine French cook, who could serve turtles to perfection, and he expected to catch some when he got off the banks of New England. He sincerely trusted that nothing would turn up to make pi of his plans. If it did he should die, and then all he asked of his friends was to erect an imposing stone over
 his grave with display epitaph, telling how
 he had died, and double -leaded obituary in the newspapers.
 When the commodore concluded this touching speech there wasn't a dry eye in the gathering, and after one more parting smile | the sailors and their friends separated and the vessel was lowed out into the stream,
 where her white wings filled with the breeze and soon carried her out and towards New Haven.