Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1887-12-31
FULL or FUN.

"A motto of an Ohio livery man
reads: whip light, drive slow; cash
down, or no GO"
An exchange says: Never go
into the water after hearty meal."
We don't. We go to the restaurant
after it. -PhiiadelphiG Call.
Robbie - Mamma, doesn't it
make your hands warm to spank me?"
Mamma-"Why, yes, R bbie, it does.
Rpbbie-"Wouldu't ii do just as we'll
then, mamma, for you to go and hold
'em over the registers" Burlington
Free Press.
-High-school Jennie, do you
still believe in Columbus as the dis
coverer of American Jennie-"I
don't know and l don't care; I've
bee bored to death alb nut it. I'd just
as Left think it was q N orseman as an
Italian. ~ Boston Beacon.
Have you heard of how Bill
hoover is attempting to rival DR..
TannerP Hasn't eaten any thing for
TIVE lty days" as that SOP He used
TO be p rlect glutton." Eyes, but
his wife does the cooking for the fam
lily now -Lincotn Journal.
-"What did you marry my son
forP" tierccly demanded an old gen.
tleman of Clergyman who had just
united his runaway >capegrace IN the
holy bonds Two dollars. sir, ="
meekly replied the dominic, "to be
charged to you" -Binqhanltom Re-
Publican.
AN American tourist was offered
shillaleh for II shilling That's the
thing we pay the rent with" OBJ
served the dealer chestnut" said
the American. mo; it's blackthorn, u"
responded the Cell.-PHcb.
-"Oh, MAP exclaimed little girl
in the horse Car, Just look at that
man! What dirty facet! "'Sh!
Kitty" replied ma; perhaps the
gentleman has an antipathy to cleanli-
ness. We must always respect the
feelings of Others"
Kansas City Man" Why, our city
is so crowded with strangers anxious
to invest in real estate that it takes q
man fifteen minutes to walk block. !"
Omaha Man-"Oh, that's nothing. The
streets of Omaha arc so damned that
the ladies have been compelled to give
up wearing bustles." - Harper {
Bdz0r.
Two weighs of getting rich.-
The man who robs you on the road,
highwayman is he;
The grocer giving you low weight,
A low weigh man was he.
It'd Bits.
She" james, do you know yor
put three buttons on the plate in
church to-day?" He-I knew wha
| was about" She--"James-. pei
haps you don't know that Dough
those buttons yesterday for my new
dress and paid fifty cents apiece fol-
then" Wavorly Magazine,
AN unfortunate mistake occurred
in last weeks edition. 'plaintively NUT
tiers a Custer County paper I'VE re
ferred to Mr. Taken. candidate 70
sheriff on the opposition ticket as
rough hewn diamond. 1t shoul
have been Tufiia My demon, We trus
our readers will forgive the mistake.
Omaha Bee
An old woman unable to read, o.
receiving n letter from an absent son
asked u friend to read it to her. TIL
writing was so bad that the friend
hardly able tn Quake it out. read STAN
meringly: 'Denr mot-.mother. Il
talk" wheroupon The old woma
cried out gleefullv: Its from dea
Jamie. sure enough! II e always stu
tered?-M Y Lcdqer.
-"Ah, dearest" sighed u youn
man, kneelng at the feet of his ownes
own. 'dost thou know what Of n
things Is nearest to my heart?
Really, can't say" she sweetly rt
Piled, 'but in this cold weather
should think it was flannel shirt.
She was too practical. and it broke tn
engagement.