The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1887-07-06
THE OLD KICKER.

Kicker, 0S ne Walkeu over seVerei PuirS
OF male and female feet in the street
car, and finally took his seat near the
fare box, 'you gaze this morning on
the features Of man who, before many
\ moons will roll In wealth, and count
his millions as easily and freely, and
unooncerned. as you fellows count your
nickels. Jay Gould will be but poor
neighbor, and the Vanderbilt millions
will seem so small that Vanderbilt
will blush Us he passes mo, and seem
to apologize for living, and the Astors
will stink away from me and hold out
their hats to me for small contrlbu-
Rtion OF a million or two, and will
Z throw a roll Of government bonds into
their hats with sneer, as you fellows
now toss pennies into blind mans
hat. shall roll down town in my
carriage, with four white horses, and
,oachman and footman, instead of pat
onizing these street cars with horned
and mooley human cattle, and pe"ple
will take of their hats to me, and say,
That is him! That is the inventor who
saved the lives Of millions of people!
Got 'em again." said the drummer,
who sat opposite the old kicker. sold
man, why will you persist In worship
ing OF the shrine of Bachus, until you
sec things like thatP Next it will be
rats, instead OF millions, that you see,
and after that, death in an insane asy-
lum. o, sir, let me implore you to shun
the flowing bowl"
II don't know this Backus," said
the cid kicker, with bland smile,
"and don't drink. Where does Back
Us keep l have. however. struck it
rich, and shall DO the richest man in
the world"
probably he has got contract to
remove garbage" said the insurance
man.
mo, he's struck new bunco game,
where there's millions in sight" said
10 board of trade man.
)'Very likely he has gone into part
Sdership with counterfeiter, and will
pass counterfeit money on his friends.
think he ought to be searched" said
The floor walker"
'Gentlemen, you are all wrong. l
have been thinking ever since those
railroad accidents last year, that the
man who invented method of heating
passenger coaches in some manner so
that isev would not burn in case of ac-
cident, and cremate the passengers,
would not only be the greatest benefac-
tor of his race, but he would become
pampcred pet of all the railroads in the
country, and they would divide their
wealth with him. Last night dreamed
It out, and this morning l wouldn't
give ten cents to be insured a million
dollars 1t is just as sure as death. In
all great inventions that has ever boon
made, the inspiration has come to the
Hventor when asleep, or at least in
1. The inventor of the sewing ma
h6, first dreamed it out. He had
M sewing patch on the seat of his
phts by hand, being bachelor, and he
fent to bed with his pants On, and
Dreamed that there was machine, Ike
jig-saw, working away at his pants,
and it finally woke him up. He found
! that he had left needle and pair of
scissors in his pants, and as he snored
,way the scissors dug into him, and
che needle picked him, which account
ed for the dream, and after taking the
leedle and scissors out of the basement
Of his pants. and before going to sleep
again, he had thought of the jg-saw
dream until he had figured out the
sewing machine, and that man lived to
green old age, became rich, and died
leaving six wives and children enough
o fill a skating rink. That was Singer.
Newton, or Franklin, or somebody,
discovered the action of gravitation, or
'omething by sleeping under an apple
rec. when an apple fell and struck
i'm on q boil on his nose. The safety
lin, and the india rubber diaper were
invented by men who were trying to
leep with young children"
Hold on" said the floor walker.
ristling up. "These ladies shall not
o insulted with impunity. while l am
IN their presence" and he looked adj
mirlngly at the dress maker, and the
millinery shop girl. and the type
writer girl. "The man who speaks of