The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1887-01-16
ODDS AND ENDS.

A bowling swell-An liberated tooth.
Burlington Free Press.
Another great discovery of diamonds
ID Kentucky. A man got five of them
on the first deal.-Philadelphia Press.
Clara Belle complains because Liberty
has no hustle. Hasn'tshe all the hustle
of great city right behind her ?-Cleve.
land Sun.
A Tyre FIVE feet high has been found
by DR.. Schliemann. We have bigger
Tyres in this country, but they are not
spelled that way.
There is room for everybody in this
big world. Friction comes from the
fact that too many want the front room.
N. o. Picdyane.
Never put off till tomorrow what you
can do to-day. The men you may want
TO borrow from may be called out of
town.-Philadelphia Herald.
A Burlington hotel has this appro-
pirate motto hanging over the clerks
desk: Blessed is the man who pays as
he goes. Burlington Free Press.
Its no longer regarded as proper in
polite circles to say person has a
wrinkled face. The correct thing is to
speak of a person with a corduroy
countenance.
Kleptomania or stealing. is not deter
mined by the height at which the chick.
ems roasted, but the height in the social
scale OF the man who went after them.
Albany Journal.
RESEMBLANCE.
A gun is like bank cashier,
Not only cause it has its stock,
But that it's apt, at going off,
To generate little shock;
Herein, tho, is difference
To which your reason will assent,
The gun is often charged with shot,
The cashier with embezzleme4t.
Yonkers' Gazette.
Our Boarding house. (which is cor
rect" asked Mrs Coldtea, The biscuit
are light or the biscuits are light?"
Neither. replied the first floor front
"The biscuit are heavy is correct. =
Chicago Rambler.
A copy of the sermon preached bv
John Knox S21 years/ago was recently
sold in London for S2,O75. In the way
OF high priced sermons John Knox the
spots off the productions of our modern
pulpit orators. -Norristown Herald
An Iowa railrad conductor who
found a pocket-book containing $3.50
and hunted up the owner, who proved
TO be an aged granger and his wife, was
met with this remark from the old lady:
1T was good thing some one seen
you pick 1t up or We meyer would have
gotit again"
Among other questions about Africa
asked Mr. Stanley at his recent visit to
this country was curious one from an
eccentric after-dinner speaker. What
we want to know" he asked, lis how
you expect to build railroad from Viyi
to Stanley Pool if il is true that ostriches
eat up the rails as fast as they are laid?
Congressman Lawler was overrun
with callers and told the House door
keepers to bring him no more cards.
AfterTard Mrs. Lawler called and was
told she could not see the member,
Cant see him Why, I'm his wifep'
"Uh, come now" was the heartIess
reilly, "you can't work that racket here.
A hundred women to-day have told
me the same thing"
A TAX RETURN.
a gentleman who bears the peculiar
name of Smith returns to the County
Treasurer the schedule of his personal
property, with the following remarks
Endorsed thereon;
I'm the owner of pat, ;wen;y-,our years
OF age.
And the wagon ne draws through the
bitches;
One silver-cssed Elsin, some years on the
stage;
, One machine for pstchiug my breeches:
The rest of my b .usehold furniture all
Would secure under mortgage say fifty on
call.
From the list infer you expect me to pay
AteXoD the money ow-i
Also on credits last April Fools day
An double the revenue SO
Nv credits are none. but my debts. 1 viii
swear,
never can tell you how many there are.
Omaha RepHb lean.