Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-09-29
WIT AND HIMOR.

that costs. The corsage doesn't come
high. Boston Courier.
Il was raped in slumber," said the
tramp, as the policeman hit him with
club Washington Critic.
Papa is sometimes asked to contri-
butte to his daughters happiness and
WON'T give assent.-Detroit Free Press.
Pupil (to music-teacher)-s.H is
note with a " over it; what do you
call that ?" Teacher (absentmindedly)
"a fve-dollar note"
He-s'So you don't care to be mine
with all that have at my commando"
She-.'Thats just the trouble. [ don't
want to be under your command. -
The Judge.
A Philadelphia artist who paints
historical pictures has an aunt who
one day exclaimed: .'Anybody can
paint a picture, but the trouble is to
find fool to buy it."-Epoch.
Another material has been found
out of which paper can be made, but
it is superfuous. Any man can make
paper; the trouble is to get good in
dorsers. Philadelphia Gail.
"You don't mean to say, Phyllis,
you are going to undress on the
beach ?" s'Why not?" There's only
that Boston photographer about. He
doesn't count. "-Toa07s Topics.
The walters ready explanation
Chow can you give such dirty nap
kin as this?" BEG pardon, sir; got
folded the wrong way, sir. There,
sir; how's that, now?"-Nea0 Age.
At the Zoo. Aunt Sybil (well versed
in zoology)-De las animal we seen,
Lille, was de sacred COW. Now, dis
is de hipporlapotamus cow-an', my
sakes alive, amt she plain!-Pa4ch.
Fond Father-Wen, my boy, what
course do you intend taking this year?
Son-Same as last year. Father-Let
me see, what course did you take last
year? Son-Race-course.-IHe Judge.
Lizzie (before leaving her bathing
cabin) Mamma, dear, is there no
body looking9 Mamma Gn next cab
in)-Not soul about, love. Lizzie
Then I'll wait till there is.-T1oUas
Topics.
1T is love that makes the world 90
round, " we are informed by the poets.
1t is a somewhat notable fact that a
very limited quantity Of poor whisky
will produce the same effect. -Merch-
ant Traveller.
A farmer said: cone thing | don't
like about city folks-they be either so
stuck up that yer can't reach EN- with
a haystack pole or so blamed friendly
that they forget to pay their board. -
Buffalo EgpreSs.
When you 60 off on summer tour
don't worry if you find yourself in a
State in which the fishing laws are very
strict No State ever makes fishing
laws until the fish are all gone.-K0a1-
sas City Times.
1.-The failures in Great Britain dur
ing the first six months of the year
aggregate 2,913, Conserved the horse
! editor. ''Does that include Tenny-
sons Jubilee Ode ?" asked the snake
Pjttsbarg Dispatch.
Until once with picnic party we
stumbled over q wasps' nest we had
never fully grasped all the outlying
and circumjacent wisdom of the old
saying that nothing runs like woman
stung .-Dulaltb Photographer.
Jones was going in the country for
six months. mo doubt you'll find it
great BORE" some one said to him.
| go, no-the only time | find it hard to
dispose of is that from in the morn
ing to at night. 1.-THE Judge.
A machine has been invented that
will sew on 5000 buttons in day.
No one seems to know yet whether or
not marriage license for that sort of
machine costs more than one for the
other kind. Of Education.
Elderly Stranger Boy, can you
direct me to the camp-meeting
grounds?" Boy essir; jest foller
the road over the hill till you come to
the lager beer stand, then turn to the
right, an you're there. "-Nee0 York
San.
| New acquaintance-'sT a claret
punch with me ?" Summer actor
Thank you, but claret doesn't agree
with me. However, if it's all the same
to you, and as the price is the same,
I'll take three beers. y Cincinnati En-
| Qotirer.
| Guest Cat summer hOteD " 10 is that
MISUNDERSTANDING young man wip-
ing dishes ? Proprietor-That is Mr..
Emerson Tracy Bancroft, who de
livered the magnificent Grafton on
1.-The Ideality of Life" at Yalemouth
| commencement.
Visitor (to tramp who is enjoying a
comfortable meal at Blackwells Is
land -''You have been unfortunate,
my friend" Tramp (bitterly)-s'
should say so! The Judge only gave
me thirty days when | fully expected
six months. life.
| Presence of mind. Editor. hat
was that awful crash in the composing
| room Just now?" Forcman-''S Sure,
all our foreign news has fallen into
| 'pi. :" Editor-''Pick it up and head
it List of Members of the New Hun
garian Parliament. ''-Lte.
Baseball excitement is so intense in
| Frederick City that recently when a
| young man was in the act of proposing
to one of the many pretty girls of that
pleasant city she interrupted him with
| the words ..NeyeI mind that What's