The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-08-14
AN INTOXICATED ROACH.
A FLY ALSO GETS DRUNK ON A
SIP OF CHAMPAGNE

key Dies OF Delrlun 1renenS-hen
With Beggarly Incomes Who Swag-
ger and Live Like Princes.
NEW YORK, Aug. 13.-There is on Nassau
street, near the region where the offices of
the principal newspapers of the metropolis
are located, a popular restaurant. 1t has the
inevitable annex of nearly every New York
restaurant-a saloon. The bartender of this
saloon is naturalist of intelligence and OK
tensive research. A journalist, who is him
self a writer on subjects pertaining to natu-
raj history, called at the saloon the other
day to get lemonade and the bartender di-
rected his attention to big cockroach that
was imbibing the ale which had dripped
down upon the marble basin under the sill
yer faucet of an ale barrel. Every news
paper office has its cockroaches and every
journalist of experience is supposed to know
all about them, but the writer iii question
was panied and surprised to discover that
the roach, when given an opportunity, is
confirmed topper. The roach before men
toned had been drinking ale in the marble
basin for an bour The bartender picked it
I'D. placed him on the counter and put him
through the movements for the entertain
ment of the naturalist. The roach was in
state of diSgraceful intoxication He stag
gered along the counter ran against the
Straw with which the naturalist had been
drinking his lemonade, and fell fiat
on his back The bartender took toothplck,
helped the roach to his feet again and es-
corted him along the counter. The insect
was blind TO all Instructions, and he ran his
head against lump of ice lying on the bar
He seemed to be impressed with the fact
that the ice had offered him some indignity,
and he awkwardly struck at it with one fore
foot 1t froze the foot, and he resented the
singing sensation by striking again and
again A crowd of men about town gath
cred to see the insects antics, but the ice
seemed to sober him, and he finally walked
away with a comparatively steady gait and
hid under the counter The bartender said:
"a roach is a happy, harmless drunkard,
but liquor makes fly quarrelsome.' AT
that instant big house fly fell into glass
of champagne that one of the spectators
of the roachs debauch was preparing to
drink The fly was rescued from the wine
and laid on the counter. He appeared at
first to be dead. but he finally revived
struggled to his feet and tried TO walk away.
One of the spectators thrust his finger be-
fore the fly's head, but his flyship paid no
heed to the act He walked about i'll cir
Gle and staggered like topper. Occasionally
the legs on one side of his body would give
out and he would fall over on his back,
YEARLY wave his legs in the air and then lie
motionless and supremacy contented. A
magnifying glass was produced and view
of the fiy's countenance showed that his
eyes were CLASSY and his expression idiotic
as compared with that of the temperate fly
When the wine had begun to fully assert
its power the fly struggled TO his feet and
proceeded to vindicate the barterder's estl-
mate of him. He reeled along the counter
L. A. ys,,a, 20,
ward a cube of loaf sugar. The topper
darted toward the temperate fly and at
tackled him with malice aforethought. The
temperate fly tried i'll vain to escape. Then
he turned on his aSsailant, rolled him over
on his back and left him with his legs in the
air In the meantime the crowd watching
the entertainment had increased to profit
able proportions, and the bar was doing a
brisk business.
There is beer cellar in the basement of
the saloon and the bartender invited the
imbibers down there to see topper rat. A
little lead pipe leads down from a receptacle
under the faucet of beer barrel into a
trough that catches the refuse beer. The
lower end of the pipe is about two inches
above the trough and the latter was dry.
The bartender conducted his guests into a
dark corner of the cellar, then turned on
the beer in a small volume and withdrew
himself. In about two minutes great gray
rat with bristling whiskers and bloated
appearance came waI'ily out Of hole in the
cellar. His eyes were CLASSY and his vision
impaired. He waddled across the floor,
took precautionary look about him and
then placed his mouth under the leaden pipe
through which the beer was slowly drip
ping He chung to the pipe for over five
minutes and hen waddled out into the mid
die of the cellar floor. In five minutes
more the beer took effect and he began to
enjoy himself. He was no longer stupid
and awkward He darted hither and yon
about the cellar floor, he ran up the side of
a barrel and took flying jump from it and
he seemed determined to give every possible
evidence of his agility The spectators in
the dark corner of the cellar burst into a
loud laughter, and the rat scurried away in
to the hole from which he had emerged
when he came out to get his drink. Then
the bartender conducted his guests upstairs,
and while the naturalist took lemonade and
the rest of the party imbibed something
stronger, the drink mixer, said: Just as
liquor makes one man quarrclsome and an
other good-natured, so 1t causes one animal
TO be hilarious and another to be overbear-
ing That old roach has been drinking at
this bar for two years, to my certain knowl-
edge. He gets drunk every day, but is never
ouarrelsome A fly, on the other hand, is
always overbearing, and when he gets drunk
he Will invariably try to pick tight with
some other ily That old rat down stairs is
affected by stimulants in a totally different
manner. He is bloated old guzZler, and
when he is sober he seems scarcely able to
take care of himself and doesn't appear to
care what becomes of him. The minute he
gets drunk, however, he becomes spry and
suspicious. He will frisk about the cellar
like mad, and there isn't a cat or terrier
in New York that could catch him when he
has had his daily dose of beer. A monkey
belonging to Mulberry Bend Italian organ
grinder used to come in here every day and
get drink.
zone afternoon after he had been drink
ing heavily Ne was attacked with every
symptom of delirium tremens. He hoped
about in dazed manner. as if trying to get
away from something. Then he fell over in
a fit and died"
The crowd about the bar, which had
grown 20 great proportions during the bar
tenders lecture on natural history, took a
parting drink and then departed. When
they had gone the bartender turned TO
his employer, who was counting the pro-
ceeds that the party had left with him, and
said:
THAT roach and rat are worth 81 900 n
year to this place 10 say nothing of an
occasional drunken fly"
AMOS J. CUMMINGS.