Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-02-13
IT'S A PLAY.
''Pop" at Last Solves What the Joint As
sembly Is Driving At.

az lhC VI viz NOtAhS- hiE
fact has set me to wondering whether the
Legislature really means business oil
whether this is just pleasant little way
they have of limbering up the tedium Of
the session. This last idea seems the
most probable. This statement may seem
strange to you, and you may even wonder
how the Legislature can squeeze any fun
out of q vote for Senator. This same
thought struck me too, right in the middle
of my classic brow, but / have sat up
nights and busted my great throbbing,
teeming brain with the question until
have finally grasped the correct idea by
the tail and slowly drawn it to me.
They are working up some private
theatricals 'unbeknOwnst" to the voters.
This unexpected revelation of the corrupt
methods pursued at the Capitol may cause
trouble, but by our duty TO the people,
we are forbidden to conceal it. Yes, dear
REGISTER, they are rehearsing some kind
of dramatic production under the guise
of attending To the peoples business as
Senator can testify.
The play is, to all appearance, founded
on one ofthOse old medieyal whatever that
isl episodes which used to prove 80 gee-
fully exciting to our old ancestors, few
years previous to the present time. The
people were rather slow in seeing the idea
ut first, aud came out each day, expecting
a change ef programme, but after few
days they realized that this was merely a
series of dress rehearsals, as it were, pend
| ing the main question, so they have not
packed the house to any uncomfortable
extent during the past few days.
The plot of the play is highly interest
ing, although somewhat intricate. That
is. you can listen and look with all your
GOd-giyen powers while the thing is being
rehearsed, but after it's all over You find
yourself unconsciOusly wondering what
in thunder they were trying to do, any
how.
have watched the performance intent
| ly for few days, and have at length got
ten some idea of the plot, which idea is
herewith forwarded.
The theatrical arrangements are so
crude and incomplete in the capitol that it
would be extremely hazardous for me to
offer any suggestion as to where the scene
| is supposed to be laid. The architect OF
the building has evidently built it accord
lug to the base plebian idea OF
capitol for revenue only, and
has neglected those little elegant and
and unostentatiOus arrangements which
are so congenial to sympathetic mind.
1t is true, there has been some attempt at
stage, but considering the amount OF
room which is left unoccupied after the
Speaker and his dignity are in the inclOsure
it would be impracticable to attempt to
work the running gear of the play on this
contracted space, so the members apprO-
pirate the auditorium of the House for their
dramatic depredatiOns. 1t requires a
healthy imagination to see any resem-
blance between this and the mimic world,
! but that = the kind of men who make the
| best Legislators, and they can imagine al
most anything that they put their minds
| to.
The performance begins promptly at II
o'clock III. The plot of the thing seems
to have reference i'll some way to two rival
| Kingdoms, or empires, or something OF that
sort, which are represented by
the House and Senate. The
House is discovered peaceahly pursuing
| its daily avOcatiOn of destroying time,
when it is startled by the watchman-tell-
us-oE-the- night, in the shape of the Ser
peant at Arms, who rushes wildly into
| the hall and announces, in trembling
voice, Mr. Speaker, the Senate's a-cOm-
ingw This announcement throws the
House into the widest excitement. The
/ Al. H. Il, - N,l,
and then jam the plug down i'll their
pocket, deep, for fear that some Senator
will ask for a chew. The doOrkeepeT
makes show of resistance, but ere he can
] bar the door the Senate is upon him.
There is short, sharp struggle at the
door to see who is going in first, and then
the Senate marches in with a martial air
and the tread of cOnquerOrs. II hear
| from Senator that red fire will he intro
duced at this junction in the regular per-
| formanCes). The commander of the Sch
ate host, accompanied by his officers OF
state, advances To the throne and informs
the ruler of the House that his forces
are assembled in the council chamber and
that nOught will satisfy them but the sac
rifice OF some citizen of the State, who
shall be sent to the United States Senate
as "A hostage. The ruler sees that resistance
is useless, so he abdicates the throne and
surrenders his sceptre to the Senate chief.
tain, who then commands the Prime Min
lister of the Senate to call the muster roll
of the cOnQuerOrs and the Lord High
Chamberlain of the House to call the names
of the cOnquerors.
This done he commands that each mem
ber of the two bodies shall name some citi.
zen of the State who shall save his people
by being baniShed to the United States
Senate for six years. This is u most sol
ennly impressive scene. The high vaulted
chamber (which is supposed to lie represent
ed, the despOt on the more comfortable
easy chair in front of the massive
throne, the conquered ruler of the
House on his left and the sad, determined
expression on the faces of the members n
one by one they slowly propose some citi
zen for the terrible punishment which is
the price of their liberty. This scene was
so affecting that | could with difficulty
refrain from weeping several quarts O
briny tears. The only thing which pre-
vented me was the fact that had left my
handkerchief in my trunk-in care of the
landlord, at the last town where stopped
before came TO Charleston. This retlec'
tion was almost rs sad rs the scene.
1t is with a sigh of relief that the de
Tenders of their country (at 81 per day fol
active service) hear the Prime Minister
announce that there is some misunder'
standing as to who is the person best fitted
to suffer punishment and that rather than
trouble themselves about 4 small
matter like that, the choice o.
the hostage would be deferred until
smother day." The Commander of the
Senate then gives the order to march, re
turns the throne and sceptreto the Ruler o.
the House, and with that naughty and i'm
perious thread which characterizes the
average member of the West Virginia Le'
gislature the triumphant host passes dOwr
amonp the cOnOuerpd ones and returns tC