Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-19
DEACON sURDETTe's PHILOSOPHY.

DON'T KNOCK, BARONESS; CONE RIGHT IN.
Mrs and Mr. Baroness Burlett-C Coutts are
coming to America. There are plenty Of
coots in the states, in every town, but the
baroness will not claim relationship with any
Of them Heyf She doesn't pronounce her
name that wayi That'sno difference; every
body else does Another joke saved. Letter
cog Ala Cher.
EITHER WAY WOULD HELP LITTLE
The Boston Herald thinks that sometimes
Judge Hilton wishes he had never been
born" Oh, no; he only wishes that A 7.
Stewart had never died.
FATE CANNOT HARM HIN.
"Are you prepared for the necks twirled!'
solemnly asked a grizzly old turkey gobbler
who had roasted high through the stormy
times Of score Of Thanksgiving. 81 am
ready for any course" replied the youngster
''my acts be on your neck; but you, grand
father-are you prepared for boardersr
THAT isn't the question:" replied the reck-
less old tough, swallowing a fragment Of
Richmond granite by way Of an appetizer.
"Are the boarders prepared for mef And
chucklinS hoarsely he strode down to the
market place to note quotations in live and
dressed poultry.
SLAUGHTER IN THE PAN.
why" spske the fearful guest, at the Pig
hatchahashett house, down in Maine, why
do you have that picture Of Jessie Brown at
Lucknow hung up over the dining room
doorf' Because" replied the smiling host,
''she it was who said to the starving soldiers,
'Dinnerl you hear the slogan" The giddy
guest gave one CHASTITY gasp and got.
ONE Is PLAYED OUT AND T'oTHER PLAYED IN
There is this difference" said Mr. Old
boarder, between rehashed meat and re-
hashed stories. Everybody knows what is in
the story, but all the sum Of human kpowl-
edge can't guess what is in the hash"
Hence" said the landlady, I'VE weary Of
the one, while the other is a constant ex-
citant and an unfailing zest." So saying, she
placed the old familiar dish before them all,
while the low, hollow groans went circling
round
SMOOTH As SILK
~ should think" said Ethel, sit would feel
80 funny to have a mustache on your lip.
Doesn't it tickle yeu all the timer ''No."
said 4Ethel-sd, boldly, lit does not feel
strange at ali. See And Just then the
brooding owl that to the moon complained
out of years hooting by startling sound,
something like the final exhaust Of bath
tub at n:idnight's silent hour, only louder and
more abrubt. oh" said Ethel, in a sweet
little voice, and '.Ah," said 4Fthelred, with
the satisfied tone Of man who has Just swaI-
lowed a large, wide. long, brand new oyster
DEPENDS ON WHAT He TASTES
Editor Of the Eagle: am young man
Just beginning life. l am very neat in my
personal appearance and am very fond Of
dress, but my salary is only $4 week. Do
yoa think it would indicate lack Of taste if
| were to wear a diamond pinr' Oh, no, my
boy, indeed no; it would indicate q lack Of
brains, and presumably . lack Of honesty.
RHAPsoDIcAL NONSENSE.
Doesn't lunatic make You tired! Here Is
. poe.-and a man who is old enough to
know better, too--who says: "Why do sing
when the night is dark, and the stars are
above, instead Of the sunf' Because that is
tie way it always is, donkey: the night is
tie darkest time OF the year and the stars
ART then always up. II ever you should see
the sun shining at night you wouldn't sing a
ncte. You would howl and run for the cellar,
thanking that you were as crazy as you really
a e.-Brooklyn Eagle.