Telegram-herald., 1887-12-25

hare sisays dseslasd, although per
hsps quite aarsasonably % indlss lore
tais aboat falling down stairs. uDnl bad
tbs benefits and sxpeFisncs OF fen nights
Foaehsalsd 10 me. not. " course. - any
special dlspelsslion ol klnd AMI bsESSo-
lent Pr0yidencs, bet rather ss an 1neadent
Ia the roands-or rather the ups and downs
0f life. Bat At this interesting date. Anno
Donini. 1857. and a. good old Uncle
Knapp Nas won't 10 say in opening hlz
prayer meeting. the time 70 besia hAd ar
rlsed.
might be permitted 70 remark. however.
and that without going through with the
pQi.f4l icrmalliy oi zsisinz 10 address tue
speaker. that before entering heartily into
tie olosi- -saa-tbandsr plot OF tais romance,
l ought 10 De allowed lie authors usual
privilege Oi prelace-an introductory Tor
! sas. aay gentle readers, introduced co the
bottom -iscts c0IAprislng my tale aforesaid
sith great oeal OF what the Ffeocnman
would Cali salprssseHssat. aud, the author
would most respectfully add. no small de-
gree OF sensation and considerable agility.
Fzllin.. sp stairs, let as frankly admit is
q time -hOnOred, classical ana almost hack
nsyed amus-nleat, and We may be per-
mitted 10 say, pleasure; and this is EN-
phalically SO. ii the exercise De scr8pulous-
| ~ psri0Fmed siter the manner OF the old
song, which somehow goes,
such a Citing up stars Insver did see,
When you 80 up one AID al dos tErse."
/ This sntiqualed dance OF course, be gins a.
/ the top OF the set-iOr how could you 'glt"
up Oae and al down three, unless 10 was
ha lftf. - oh
viousiy omits the third OF fourth stanza ia
which Il Is probably narrated what period
OF time would elaese ere the graceful dancer
would arrive aE the bottom OF the quadriile.
/ Perhaps II the same fellow tried it who
wrote the song. and the divine inaatus took
/ hina immediately alter the performance,
/ he didn't know.
Our hero. and be IS |, was whisled into
! the dizzy maZes Of The waltz indicated by
/ the captain OF this romance. by the seduc-
tive influence OF q long pull of the sciatic
| rheumatism N the right leg; and We might
as well proclaim here, that II il had been a
less beEltehing power-for instance. an an-
b4ts0us aIsempt 10 plsglsriFe from the illust-
/ rious feals Oi the hon. Governors OF North
Carolina and South Carolina, the one dig
| nltSry, Ia the play, being represented as
| repeatedly remarking 20 the other that 1T
| was q long time between drinks ks'-then,
indeed, had this instructive tragedy never
| be n written.
Fair reader, our late. delightful expe-
Tisnce has almost persuaded Us that falling
down stairs is destined TO become one oi
the fine arts and il may eventually be re-
| dGcsd 70 q science. We hold ourself up as
| q - pounds of living example that much
| has already been done in that laudsble di-
rection. But TO proceed with the narrative
Our sweet sciatics, taking advantage OF
the absence OF our gold headed cane,
winked-that is, twitched at us-and fiirt
| ing her vestal robes. whispered, come
and we fell-Scistica and /. Ii was rare fun
| Ell hrst-that is to say. before we left the
| cupola, but the farther down we wen. intc
the deb.uchery the less we liked it, In
deed, our passions may be said TO have been
| largely cioyed before We had fully realized
| the awful fact thas We had reached tbs tenth
step leading gracefully, but somewha
roughly, downwards from the roof of ths
ouilding. You see, We had not contem
plated doing wrong. and was not prepared
tor il. There was flush and furry sbou
the whole affair that quite unnamed us
throwed US OF our usual dignity. as il were
Besides, some fiend of the air gave us a fou
blow In the DARK, and in the region of the
"oH' thus suddenly diverting our minc
into the sublime study of astronomy. IL
fact, we discovered several new moons 70
Mars. behed six new comets, and anothe
startling fact, which We now for the frs
time have the honor to announce, that the
fixed stars are really multiplying anS
rapidly moving bodies. We shall omi
describing the rings of Saturn, because we
are down on rings"
Assuming a cross between horizonta
and perpendicular position. we were nov
shocked, and We may truly say disgusted
| ~ find bat nod Ia faii iit-,l
down stairs with Us. he took advantage o
the accident OF our back being turned, ans
used his ungcdlv heels most heroicaliy.
never did like mule. bat take him on
flight Of PERCEPTIONS stairs, az midnight, ant
be is perfectly awful One OF US brayed
Bu. hRdn't any time to reason with, o
try to convent that mule. Just then Venu
collided with Jupiter, and the whole so,a
system snOokl | was afraid some OF th
busy throng ont on the street might &c
| hurt and wholly forgetting the entertain
ment 1 vas having, b0llered TO them; bat
havs not been able 70 visit any Of then
since TO ascertain If my alarms were realiz
Ell.
Being now about half way down the voy
age. 10 occurred 20 me that a short halt an,
a lunch would be in order: but / hsd for
gotten to bring my dinner basket with ne
/ resides some careless or malicious Gus
from below seemed 10 give an uncon scion
able haul on my c0attails, and We TesumsJ
the journey.
II the stairs had been winding. II wcul
lave seemed more ike wedding tou
around the world. and might have enjoys
It. bu. such sudden h2lis and lespings {
distractions n front OF the engine, an
then going down grades. were quite annoy
inz. In iact. / more than halt resolved &
stop 81 the first stati0n--if the blamed mul
would kindly permit me 20 do so. His so
cisty vas becoming decidedly offensive, 70
, 20 acmit alarming. for the wretch kept al
a constant kicking. and hit me. nearl
every time. riFht where the equator comes
IN the geography.
I was isisnreiY revolving in ny owl
mind. aud every other way, II | hadn't bet
ter repeat, now ! lay me" when I laid
it seemed IS If the baggage car had run int
the depot. and the stellar universe sgail
kindly appeared % me, bot I was to
shocked to MAKE any very deliberate obsei
vsti0u IS 30 the transi. % Venus. nor did
care whether it vas the s7dsac or the dev
, / that had sal down upon--is hart 50 e
moment I tho1zht the equator had cat th
scliptis snf then I had sudden signs {
Libra and Aries.
However as Sir Vim. Herschei ard n
friend COperaicus came along st fhis csisa
ard I alnost cried. Ne msantersi. arm ]
srn-f>r they both needed my be p--dor
- the Sweet House, where copious app
cation - Norm JohnSeB's Eminent mai
nv distinguished friends fcsersbiy comso'
tzble. AGisu.
JgDex socnsrrs.
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ArIixasors :. Households Pei.
{ TIE laeess c1zas in household pets n