News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-28


"Have you got raiser in the house?"
asked an Indiana man who registered
himself at Wizards late last night for
one night only.
81 don't know of any, sir, replied the
clerk, "and the barber shop has been
closed for two hours"
Barber shop, thunderl" exclaimed
the impatient guest. 81 don't want no
barber shop. I'm tired out. l want to
go up stairs to bed"
"All right, sir, and I'll send the razor
to you in the morning SO you can shave
before breakfast"
'Young man. said the Indianian, as
light dawned upon him, ''you're off
your base. I don't want no razor to
shave with; I want q raiser that will git
me up stairs without havin' to walk. y
Then the clerk tumbled, and the
bell boy led the guest over and put him
in the elevator. = Washington Critic.
A FnATrER1Ne COMPARISON.
Children are very sympathetic.
There's one quite Young who's got an
aunt whom she loves very dearly, but
the child does not understand every
thing. The aunt is single, but she does
not hoTfe to De 50 long, although judg-
ing by the child's remarks the position
OF wife is likely to be a very trying one.
The gentleman who is the object of tiut-
tering interest has been i'll the habit of
making long and frequent calls. These
calls the child has studied with some
regard to the aunt she adores. The
last one the child assisted at ended
abruptly.
"Aunty," she said sadly, (Which
would you rather do, talk to Mr.. Jones
or go to funeralE"
Mr.. Jones felt like making the subject
for funeral right then.-Saa francisco
Chronicle.
NOT CONTAGIOUS.
Several evenings ago Major Stofah
went up to Sixteenth street to see
young lady to whom he has been very
attentive for some months. She was not
visible at first, and her twelve-year-old |
brother entertained the major. After
various questions the kid remarked:
''You amt contagious, are you?''
tWhy, Johnny, what do you mean by |
that 2" asked the major with an innocent |
laugh of surprise.
"Oh, nothin', 1 guess; only 1 heard |
mother say you wasn't, cause sister has
D66u W Cttttll y OI dl1 "lulGI,
she couldn't do it.
The major remained the rest of the
evening, but hasn't been back since Lent
began. Washington Critic.
A STORY OF TRAvERs.
Seated in q street car once with his
little son, Mr.. Travers edged gradually
up as seat after seat was taken by in
coming passengers. Finally he lifted
the lad on his knee and so sat for awhile.
The car grew more and more crowded,
and good-looking young woman, see
ing no seat, stared rather impertinently
at Travers, as though expecting him to
rise. His eyes twinkled in Characteristic
fashion as he turned his face to his boy
and said audibly:
'G-g-get up, my son, and g-g-give the
l-l-lady your seat.
The young woman looked another
way.
THE WRONG DAYS.
Kenneth, age six, and Philip, his
brother, two years older, asked permis-
sion of their mother to go out for little
walk on Sunday afternoon.
Yes, you may CO." she said, ''if you
will not forget that it is Sunday, and
walk quietly. rs You should"
The boys went out and returned soon.
80 mamma, said Kenneth, running
% his mother, "Philip didn't do at al
Is you said. He acted inst like Monday /
md Tuesday all the time. '-Yopt1's (
COmp0ai0H. Z
IT WANTED IT.
"Mamma, didn't you tell me to do
lust what baby wanted me to-" asked S
title Cass avenue boy who had been q
eft in charge of his baby brother. .
Eyes, my DEAR" replied his mother, L
Who had just come in. c
"Well, baby wanted me to eat up all t
he sponge cake, and now Flo's mad be- f
,ause Nj. Browns coming to tea and
here amt no cake. f
'cBut baby can't eat cake" =
'No, but it amused him to see me eat :
t. ."-Detrot Tribune. !
TEDDY's IDEA. a
Teddy's papa always gets his "shaves" s
t the barber's shop in town, and 50 the q
title hoy never had happened to see the !
peration of shaving gone through with,
mil grandpa came visiting to stay
nonth. Grandpa shaved himself; and
7eddy watched him for the first time
WITH WIde-Open brown eyes.
All at once he cried out: n
Communal mamma! gram pas brush h
ng frOsting all over his face. - Youths a
'0apGntOR. q
SHIFTING THE RESPONSIBILITY. t
Critical Husband-This beef isn't fit ?
0 eat. a
Wife-Well, / told the butcher that if "
! wasn't good I would send you right 6
round to his shop to give him a. thrash W
1g, and-I hope you will take some p
ne with you, for he looked pretty ugly, 0
nd I didn't like the way he handled his h
ig knife. s.
T'Humph ! Oh, well, I've seen worse 81
leat than this" P
IN KENTUCKY. @
Kentucky Coroner (sarcastically, 10 Y
,itness)-foN say that \ quart bottle D