News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-02-24

sym pdIlLG WIFI you from Tue DOL-
tom of my heart in your great sorrow"
said the friend. ''It must be terrible to
lose such man."
"Ah, me, yes" sighed the widow,
'Tt's only the hope of meeting him in a
better land that gives me courage and
desire to live. ."-I6caS Sittings.
NOT TO BE ACCOUNT D FOR.
De Baggs -Bagley want to ask you
delicate question What was my con-
dition when we parted last night 2
Bagley-You were largely loaded, my
friend
'Sure of that 2"
"Quite. Why do you ask 2"
because my wife never mentioned
it this morning. l thought perhaps
might have gone home sober by mis-
take. "-Phiia. CaN.
NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK.
Tramp (wh6se request for food has
been denied) Well, ma'am, would you
let me sleep in the ten acre lot back of
the barn if | won't make any noise ?''
Woman -Ye-es, | don't mind lettin'
ye do that.
Tramp (appealingly)-W one thing
more, ma'am, before | say good night.
Would you have me called at sharp
l want to catch the limited cattle train
West.
THE CoLoRED PASTOR.
"Eldah. ez Chairman OBJ de committee
it il my unpleasant duty to info'm yo'
dat we hain't been able to raise yo' sal
lery dis yeah, am"
''Brudder Pillsbury, rs mighty glad
yo' 'preciate me, but l doan' want my
sallery raised, Brudder. Jes pay me de
sallery we greed on, and Use satisfied"
Weekly.
SURPRISING IGNORANCE.
''Young man." he said, in solemn
tones, don't you know that if you per-
sist in drinking you will never get ahead
in this world 2"
'N ont get ahead ~ repeated the
young man. "Why, my dear sir, your
Ignorance surprises me. I'll have head
on me to morrow morning as big as a
barrel"
TOUCHED HER PRIDE.
Old Lady Crying on youthful hiatt.
IT hardly know which to select"
Saleswoman. "Shall I send both,
madam, so that the young lady may
choose for herself 2"
Old Lady Qeaving Indignantly. "You
need not send either, miss, I will look
."-Baz ~.
DIDN'T ASK.
Sarah Jane. "Well, Aunt Cruzer,
did you have nice time at the Bow
lers ~
Aunt Cruzer. 'tNice time! well, it's
the last time that set my foot in that
house. Why, when l came to go, they
didn't even say, what's me hurry
Harper Basar.
HE WOULD WORK.
Pittsburg Tramp-Madam, if you'll
fill me up with good dinner, I'll saw
some wood. I'm wlllin' to work.
Woman (shortly)-You know very
we'll we burn nothing but natural gas.
Tramp-Weu, gimme suthin' TO eat,
an I'll turn on the gas for you. u.-Har-
pers Bazar.
a REASONABLE REQUEST.
Magistrate-You are accused of steal
ing chickens, UucI1 Rastus. Are you
guilty or not guilty
Uncle Rastus i pleads not guilty, yo'
Honah, an | inquests de privilege of
frowing myself on de mercy OBJ de Cou't
in case de evidence goes agin me.
HE WALKED.
"Oconomowoc, yelled the brakeman.
"O'Connor may walk, may he !" ex-
claimed an Irishman at the other end of
The car. "AL' faith, if yez name me,
you'll have foine time maxim O'Connor
walk, whin he's paid So for this bit o.
Dashboard. st. Paul Herald.
THE PRUDENT MAIDEN.
Heat last, my dear Amelia, the
happy moment has arrived when | can
ell you how love you.
She-For goodness sake, Mr.. Tomp- |
zius, don't tell it here.
He-Why there are no witnesses.
She That's just it.-Lto.
TRUTHFUL TOMMY.
Tommy, were your sisters glad to
zee us last time we were here ~
''You bet they were"
Chow do you know ~
ssl ecause as soon as you were gone
hey said thank heaven, that's overp"
Teas SJttngS.
WHAT TO DO.
Cashier: I wish to marry your daugh-
ter, sir. May have her ?
Proprietor (who has just been exam
ming the books: Well, l suppose I'd
better give my consent. | want to keep
the money in the family.
CHoLLY MIsUNDER ,TANDs.
She--'eYes, we had splendid time
last summer. Four other Vassar girls
and | took tramp through the Adiron-
dacks."
He-"Did the tramp have a good
time ?"-LJe.
CHEAP, BUT GOOD.
Dolphus-Dat am fine turkey yo' !
got, Rastus. Am it dry picked
Rastus-No, Dolphus, hit wah rainin'
very ha' when picked dat bird.
ODDS AND ENDS.
IT is one of Satan's devices to blind
The eyes of worldly men by dust from
.he soiled garments of Christians.
WE should like to see the man who
predicted an open winter because of GER
tain habits of few miserable musk
rats.
THERE is one thing to be said in favor
of the daily newspaper portrait. 1t |
shows us what the man, whose name is
under it doesn't look like.
A CoLoRED clergyman in Southern
town prayed the other day that the in
delicate might be made delicate, and
the incorporate, and the industrious
dustrious.
A GENTLEMAN the other day asked a
friend noted for her ready wit: "What |
is the first aid to the injured ?" With
out hesitation she replied: can apol
ogy, is it not /"
THERE was once a time when we won
dered what the difference was between
an Alderman at Large and plain, every
dav Alderman. We think we perceive
a difference now.
Miss VAN ZANDT got acquainted with
Spies, the Anarchist, when she went to
advertise in the Hr6eattr Zojtnrg for