News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-10-20

council this fall, and had a good chance
for the nomination.
Brown-Why, the fellow is a fool
and should be an inmate of an idiotic
asylum. m.-Bost0n Budget.
ELoQUENCE OF MoDULATION.
Omaha Dame-So you are named af-
ter your fatherl [ suppose, though,
your mamma has some pet name for
you.
Little Boy-No. She calls me Will,
same as she does papa.
"When she is in another room and
calls don't see how you can tell which
one she means, you or your papa"
"Oh, that's easy enough. She al
was calls me kind O coaxing, you
know. '-Omah0 World.
ON THE ROAD.
A little girl, daughter of a well known
! commercial traveller of the city, was
walking down street with her mother.
She left her mothers side and went out
some distance from the edge of the
sidewalk, walking along in danger of
being run over. "Come back" said
the mother. ''You should walk on the
sidewalk"
"No," said the little one, ''Im going
out on the road like my papa.-T0rontO
Globe.
THE DIFFERENCE.
Omaha Teacher-Yes, my children.
remember there is no human love equal
to mothers love.
Little Girl-Womens love their child
rens better than their husbands, don't
they?
every often"
eyes, indeed. When we get the hic-
coughs mamma gets sorry and tries to
cure 'em, but when papa gets the hic-
coughs she gets mad. ."-OHtah0 World.
GOOD THERMOMETER.
eve never need a thermometer at
this season of the year to indicate the
rise and fall of the temperature, - re-
marked the Judge.
"No !" replied the Major, tentatively.
"No: all we have to do is to look at
the Jumps of ice vouchsafed us by the
iceman. As the thermometer drops the
size of the lump increases, just one
pound to every degree. y - Pittsburg
ChrOncle.
AN ENORMOUS BOOM.
eyes," said the man from Biggsville
'We are having an old-fashioned boom.
Four railways heading our way, street
car company organized, new stock
yards"
''New stock yards 2"
''That's what I say"
tHow large are they?"
ooh, they're small yet. I'm using
EN- for hog pen just now'"-Linco6a
Journal.
AN ENvIABLE LOT.
"That George Sampson, I suppose, is
one of the lucl1iest dogs alive" re-
marked young Featherly, enviously.
''In what way?"
'In being engaged to Miss Smith"
Chow is he lucky in that She is not
pretty, and is certainly not rich
''No; but she clerks in a confection-
cry shop. I heard George say that even
the smell of ice cream almost makes her
sick"
ALL MAY COME.
Fort Smith is lively town in Arkan-,
sas which has decided to havea ''boom.
and it has issued highly colored state
ment of its unparalleled advantages
among which the following is worth
noting:
Given a horse, thief from Ohio can
become leading citizen of Fort Smith
if he is wise enough to keep his mouth
shut and let other peoples lives alone.
MENDING MATTERS.
Charlie (a;:ed 81 to his sister Fannie's
said last night that you were not such a
fool as you looked.
Billy (aged 0-Why, Charley, she
didn't say anything of the sort.
Mr. Sophtly-I should imagine not,
Billy. What did she say?
Billy-She said you didn't look so
great a fool as you were.-Itd-Bjts
IN FINE CONDITION.
Maid Ito mistress) the foot
man, says, mum, as what he caught
cold last night, an has very stiff neck.
Mistress0Tell him to have the car
riage at the door, Marie, in half an hour.
1 have some shopping to do. (Turning
to daughter)-For once, my dear, l
head as [ have endeavored to teach him
to.-N. Y. Sun.
Peddler-Td like to show my stock of
laces, ribbons and
Domestic-Don't want none O. y'r
truck.
Peddler-I did not expect to sell to
you, madam; you have plenty of time
for shopping. The one [ wish to see is
the kitchen lady.
Domestic-Come in. I'll LUX at 'em.
lid Bits
HE HAD HAD ENOUGH.
1t was still early in the evening, and
by way of keeping up the conversation
she inquired:
care you fond of ice cream, Mr..
Sampson 2"
he settled himself more firmly in his
seat; ''in fact, stopped on my way here
this evening and ate two dishes
TENDER CHICKEN.
81 say, Jenkins, can you tell a young
tender chicken from an old tough one?"
"Of course [ can"
"Well, how?"
by GHS CcebL.
"Chickens have no teeth
"NO, but have. Puck.
IN SMALL QUANTITIES.
Chicago Drumme, Ito sranger)--
"What line of goods ere you selling,
Gir?''
Stranger with dignity)--'Tm law
yer / sell BRAINS
Chicago Drummer 'Ah, yes. Retail,
[ spose."
REFERENCES EXCHANGED.
At a summer resort:
81 love you madly, passionately, Miss
Smith, " he said. Will you be my wife!"
81 confess | an not Indifferent to you,
Mr.. Brown" she replied, "but [ can
not be your wife without references
He Was Made Happy.