Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1887-07-28

~ 1\Os L LII
whiz down sprawlin in the dust an gravel,
an my mouth, an nose, an eyes was filed,
an while I was a scramblin up, that darned
old COW what was layin across the road,
an what fell over-darn me, II she didn't
cit right up an heller an run oyer me, and
kicked like all harry; she did, that darned
COW. she kicked me on the seat of my breech-
es, that cow did, rite on the street NY Aeca-
dyi Now, Mr.. Ak, am such thyngs decent
to happen rite on the streets Nv Already?
Then got up an got myself together as
we'll as could and / skinned around awful
fast to near Jim hatten's,where dog met mo
on the sidewalk an snaried AN barked, an told
me to stop. Istopped. Then he howled worse
than ever-like human dogs when they got
some one treed-I whizzed stone at him.
It hit the fence, an it an the dog made SIGH a
rumpus that fourteen other dogs was there
in giffy. Was this right, Mr.. Ak? Ort it
tn happen right on street in Already? Well
then, not to be eat up by dogs, lit right
cross the street, where see light through
crack in door. jumped right over gate
six or eight feet high, and rushed to the
door, but when bulged agin it, twas fast,
an the dogs all cum tearin around q barker
as II they had Bulgerine up tree. hit
around with sticks an kicked the door, an
mel mean me an the dogs-made more
noise IN minnet than hear all summer,
lncludin the 4th of JUL; an while was 3
defender mi life, here comes Mister peck q
tearin around the corner, armed with a lot
Nv stove wood, and used cuss words to the
dogs an me an wanted to know what the
devil and he-elzebub and the Kantankereens
all this fuss was about and what all this mob
was for around his kitchen that time Nv
night. and said tn us-to the dogs an me-if
we didn't vamoose of sudden, he'd make
us into mince-pi for dinner next day; SO to
save from bein cooked, an mi father an
mother from bein orphans, cut an run fur
life, an when the dogs an me bulged agin
the gate az we mesndered out whizzin,
down that darned gate tumbled, and down
over lt.i.tumbled, and the dogs tumbled, an
Mister peck he tumbled as much as cord
and half NV stove wood inter our midst.
Oh, sur, it cum just flyin, tell you, just as
If stove wood didn't cost anything. But he
only hit me twenty or thirty times. I got
out nv that location tolerable soon an was
maxim lively time on a shakln the dust from
my feet as a testimony agin them Already
felers, when of a sudden lighted on the back
Nv Jim hatten's old sow, as big as elephant,
an of she jumped carryln me right along,
an the way she squealed would hev surpris-
ed jim Dixon's best singing mule. In giffy
all them dogs was Oh US an helpin on the
managari. Out rushed darby with q hot
poker and wanted to know what the dun
dereens was riden around so rapid on their
hogs back fer. While was sayin mi prayers
an askin him to help me of, about six dogs
got hold ov her ears, an dozen-f counted
11-hold Nv her tail, an six hold Nv one Nv
my legs and thirteen hold Nv my other leg
this is under estimate, Mr.. Aik-why i'll be
bowed If that heather darkey didn't cut my
head clean of with that two edged paper!
Now, Mr.. AK, was this thing right to hap
pen in Already?
did not want inquest to be held rite
among summer resorters, so picked up my
head an run of with it. I hustled back, an
as was q passin Specks orchard, out rush
ed three fellers, an they hid in the ditch.
One Teller spilled his shirt full of apples as
he passed me, an while 1 was amazin at the
sight, an wonderin that SIGH things should
happen rite here in ironton, out came old
Speck with fish pole, rite sudden, thort
he was agoin fishin, but he wasn't. No, he
was huntin fellers. An when saw that
fish pole curving gracefully around singin
an old psalm tune close tn mi head, an he
told me to ''git," "got"-a whack over mi
same head, that sent me whirlin until I
struck again that teller Newman's horse
rack, an fell in emerson's darned ditch. Then
newman rushed out with q pitchfork an
told me to get away, he couldn't allow such
things to happen. was goin to take q
short cut through Emerson's, when see a
COST in there, and Teller standing with
musket an bayonet ready to punch me, an
so / sidelined OF.
Now, Mr.. AK, should sech things happen
in this yere land Nv liberty, this land nv free
cows, free, dogs, free hogs? I asked Judge
Dinger il this was constitutional, an he said
he thort the 18th amendment was little
bent, but i'd better see lawyer, so went
an told old emerson whats said to know sew
eral things, and he said he thought IL was
case of bifrustifcation, meleodamatlc, hog
eolification, or maybe it was spirito, inferno,
cusmicality, or something, but he wasn't
sure which.
An now, Mr.. Ak, i've told my grievances
an submit the justice Of mi cause to you,
an the judgement of mankind, whether such
things should Nv happened rite here in Ar
cady Valley. WILLIE.
No. "Wille," you are right. such things
"shouldn't Nv happened in Already" and we
think our Arcadia correspondents will have
. tough Job defending their town.-[ED.
COlOred Society Notes.
T. n Posfon of Iowa spent several days