Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1887-05-09
After all, the greatest fishery trouble is


when they won't bite.
Canada will soon thirst for peace if she
goes to war on Goldfish.
a debt of gratitude is too often com
promised at about ten cents on the dollar.
Some socialists say they will till the
soil when it is made free; but they will
not till then.
An irate editor shouts "CaI in your
old free passes, its safer walking these
days, anyway.
1t has been discovered that four women
walking abreast on the pavement can be
scattered little by an active man with
paint pot.
Mistress-Did you tell those ladies at
the door that 1 was not at home?' Ser
vant-Yes, mum. Mistress-What did
they say? Servant-How fortinitl
Since Professor Proctor has figured
out that the sun is 1,2OO,O times larger
than the earth great many people now
want the sun instead of just the earth.
Fond Mother-Wel, Bessie, now you
have seen your cousin Walter, what do
you think of him? Did he leave pleasant
impression? Bessie-O, yes, mamma, he
kissed me.
A precociOus youth, prompted by the
unpleasant recollection of the last term,
says that school teachers are like dogs,
"they lick your hand" This carries off
the palm.
MY young FRIEND" he said solemnly,
''do you ever attend place of Worship"
Yes, sir, regularly, every Sunday night,
replied the youth. I'm on my way to
see her now"
"SOme people have no teeth and can't
get them, while others who don't want
them have them thrust upon them,' was
Smiths remark when canine tried to
take a mOuthful of his leg.
''Do you have damp sheets?" said the
fussy old man at the hotel, securing a
room. NO" said the clerk, who wanted
to be obliging. '.But we can sprinkle 'em
for you if you like them that way"
\ biographical sketch book containing
the brilliant side of all the legislators
lives reveals the fact that there only six
single members in the House. 1t is now
made plain why the woman suffage amend
ment was defeated.
A little girl asked her aunt the other
there was no other that she knew of
''Oh, yes there is" replied the little girl
''for l know little girl who has one on
her eye" She meant cararact.
Il see," said Brown, '.that they now
say that beef tea is worthless as an article
of food. But, for all that 1T was the only
thing that saved my life when had the
fever" Yes said Fogg, ''but how does
that prove that beef tea is worthless?''
''You put your foot in il nicely to-
night" said Mrs. Sweetspeech. How
was that?" asked her husband. 'sWhen
you told Mrs, FOurthly that you were sure
her husband would never 90 the way he
sent other people" .'Well, and what of
that?' why, her husband is preacher"
''Great Scott. 1 thought he was a sheriff.
One of our school teachers was endeav-
oring to explain to a small boy in her class
the meaning of the word collision
She said :-.Suppose two boys running
on the street should come together real
hard, what would there be?" a fight
responded the little fellow loudly and
with astonishing promptness, and the
teacher gave up in despair
Money, my dear young friend, . said
an elderly adviser, doesn't bring hapDi-
ness in this world" Il know It doesn't.
sir" responded the young man. frankly.
1T only brings terrapin and small bottles.
and trips To Europe, and canvaS-backs,
and lying a-bed late in the mornings, and
taking tailor-made girls TO the opera
nights. and all that sort of grief and mis-
cry. Give me contented mind and say
-S20, 900 year, and somebody else can
can have the money" he concluded, with
fine Scoru