Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-01-12
NEWSPAPER WIT.

Times.
THE Boston boys stomach is 81
ways in apple-pie order.-New Orleans
Picayune.
A BROTH of boy ought to be
g. souperior individual. -Pittsburg
Chronicle.
1T is proper that the man who
breaks the law should be compelled TO
keep the piece.
IT'S very curious, but doctors never
seem to know anybody well.-Burling-
ton Free : ress.
THE adjacent railway tracks are
tragic with tragedians hoofngi it home.
-Geneseo News.
PoET-"Do you want any of my
blank verse?" "No, we don't want
any of your - verse ?"-Texas Sift
ings.
THE life of the book agent is full of
NORWOOD and gall. The NORWOOD
is barely rceptible.-Mercha1 TRAY
eller.
THE Presbyterian Church objects to
both dancing and cards-down on both
the real and the Ideal Washington
Post.
"THERE is always room at the top"
This is especially SO in O. beer glass
after the froth has been blown Off
Erie Herald.
MISS FLIM-"Have you read Mr.
Rattlebrane's novel? Tell me, how
did it come out ?" Fogg-"I suppose
he had it published at his own risk"
PoPNJAY, to Augustus-"You say
her father kicked you out of the house.
Was that the only reason for your
leaving?" Augustus -''Yes, father;
that was the sole reason. Huntington
Free Press.
A CHILD walking with his father one
day saw g. hens feather lying in the
street. He stopped abruptly, and
stood gazing at it for some minutes,
then pointing toward it inquired:
"Angel? or turkey? ?"
s'SEE that little darkey there !"
eyes" "Black as coal, isn't he?"
''Quite." "Well, can change his color
by q simple performance" "How?"
81 can box his ears and make him yell
Ot"-Pittsburg Chronicle.
go, CLARA" said Maud, "Charley
took me sleigh-riding last night. bad
such fun. l drove.' What was the
matter with Charley?" "Stupid
He couldn't drive with his teeth,
could he Y'-NeW York Sun.
A sEAsoNABLE-HINT column says
that warm soapsuds is one of the best
insect washes. 1t is we'll to know
this. Insects lose half their unpleas-
antness when they are kept nice and
clean. Save your suds.-LHe.
CIT1zEN-"You say you have a strong
company ?" Fire Insurance Agent
Remarkably strong, SIR Citizen
"What is your showing for the past
Year," Fire Insurance Agent Four
tons of blotting paper. Life.
'sINDEED, it happened In less time
than l can take to tell it," said the
lady who was considered somewhat
of bore. sob, I haven't the least
doubt of that" replied her patient
and truthful listener. -Yonkers States
man.
Mrs. IKELsTEIN-"Ron NIT der doc
tor, kervick, Solomon! ter baby ish
swallowt g. silfer tollar !" Mr.. l.
"Vos it dot Won lefd on ter table? ?"
Mrs. I.-"Yes, dot vos i'd; hurry NIT
der doctor!" Mr.. I.-"Don'd ged OK
cited Rajel, twas gounderveid. Life.
"SToP smoking" said g. Boston
doctor to an ailing patient the other
day, ''and it will lengthen your days"
The patient stopped. The doctors
prediction was verified. The first
as his whole previous life.-Boston
Transcript.
MRS. BRIMMER-s'1 must have a new
dress, and there are so many pretty
shades l can't make up my mind
which to choose" Mr.. B.-I presume
you will have the bill sent to me?'
Mrs. B:-"Why, to be sure L wiIllo
Mr.. B.-"Well, then, to be consistent,
suppose you choose dun color"
UNCLE JACK (from whom Bob has
expectations)-"V Very enjoyable, Bob.
Wish didn'G live so far away, so that
could have the pleasure of dropping
In to have snack with you and Mary
oftener." Bob-"Quiteso But then,
my dear uncle, the less frequent your
visits are the more we appreciate
them. Fun.
AN Architectural Feature Returned
Traveler-Yes, was much interested
in Amsterdam. Omaha Dame-You
saw the kings winter palace, I sup
pose. 1t is a wonderful structure, is
it not? 1t is built on piles, you know?
"Built on piles [ should say So
cost 100000 they told me-
Omaha World.
'CHARLIE," said a young K Street
wife to her husband, "are you going
to give me that seal-skin ?" 81 can't
exactly say, dear. l haven't made
up my mind yet" ooh, haven't
your" she replied with snap. "WelI,
it seems to me it takes you very
long time to make up little thing like
that" Washington Critic.
Boston culture, = Grandmother =
Don't you like the story book gran pa
gave you, Ralph? You shouldn't throw
it down in that way. Six-year-old ION
a visit from Boston)-Oh, yes, it is
very fair; but then there's fatuous
yagueness about the denouement