The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-10-29
A REMEDY AGAINST BARRIERS.
BY ALEX. E. SWEET.

Barbers will talk. There is no help for that. Their jaws must keep time with the movements of the scissors. 1t is not the mere talking that is annoy ing, but it is what they say and their manner of saying it that nearly drives a strong man crazy. If, for instance, they were only to make such remarks as, "W hat noble brow you havew or "Your dome of thought reminds one of Daniel Webster" or if they were to abuse some man you do not like, the sitter would listen very com placently, and some bald headed pco- pie know would want to have the ends of their locks trimmed four or five times week just to hear what the contounded fool of barber had to say. The trouble with barbers is that they do not say what you want to listen to. The barbers will persist in discovering that your hair is falling out, and there is nothing in heaven above or on the earth below that will arrest the fugitive hair except bot tie of each particular barber's magic lotion, so he says.
 Another thing that worries a bar Der more than its legitimate owner is dandruff. As nine persons in ten have more or less dandruff on their heads the barber has fine field to work in, as it were. DandruH is another dread malady that is hurrying the unfortunate man into his grave, unless he is willing to shell out reluctant half dollar for bottle of some vile stuff that the aforesaid barber is willing to part with for the consideration mentioned, so he says.
 There is a remedy for the loquacity of the colored barber. There is d balm in Gilead, so to speak. Of course the eloquence of the barber cannot be closed off entirely, as gas is shut off; But the colored barber can be tempo rarily discouraged. He will run his hands through your hair and say:
 "Boss, kin gib you remedy for fifty cents what will knock dat are scurf in yer head colder den pam cake"
 Then you say:
 "Look here, my colored friend, you have got one foot in the grave. Your liver is out of order. l can tell it by your complexion. Your complexion is too yellow. You had better get a bottle of Dr. McFraud's liver encour- ager."
 He will be surprised, if not shocked. l tried that game on barber, and his reproachful look will never be forgot ten while memory holds her seat. Usually one application is sufficient, but occasionally he rallies toward the close of the matinee, his system re- acts, and he says timidly:
 "Boss, yer aint answered my ques- ton yet about de bottle of magic lotion for de souri,"
 All you have to do is to ask him if he has read Dr. Pillkin's treatise on dandrutl. He will reply he has not, and then you say:
 "Dr. Pilkins is of the opinion that dandrutf is produced by the activity of the brain. People who have torpid brains, or no brains at all, are never troubled with dandrutf. What you need is some dandrutf in your wool. If you colored folks had more dandrutf in your head there would be more of you in congress. If you don't quit curing white peoples heads of dand- ruff their brains will dwindle away and they will set up barber shops, and then you will have more competition than you want in the barber business"
 This first dose will cure the colored barber of dandruff, falling out of the hair or whatever else troubles him. After the above remedy has been ap- piled you can get your hair cut ten times day, and he will never again venture to prescribe for ''de scurf in yer head" Try it.--New Fork Mer- cu'y.