Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-02-24
MIR. AND MRS. BOWSER.

ser. as he rushed into the sitting room
without taking time to leave his hat and
overcoat on the hall rack.
aSome of our relations dead?"
"Relations? Nav! Mrs. Bowser, for
the past two or three weeks have been
preparing surprise for you-a great sur
prise. How much milk do yon use around
this house daily?"
'Three quarts of milk and pint Of
cream"
exactly, Mrs. Bowser, exactly. And
the cost is twenty -four cents. You call it
milk, but what is it? A compound of
chalk and water, which must kill us inside
of five years."
'And are you going to change milk
men?"
exactly, Mrs. Bowser. I am going to
be my own milkman after thisn'
'sYou aren't going Toto"
eyes, I'm going to buy cow!"
Glow foolish! You might just as well
go and buy a flock of .:sheep!"
''Mrs. Bowser, I'm going to buy cow"
That ends it. I am not going to pay
$l.6S week for chalk and water when l
can keep a cow on seventy five cents
week and have from ten to fourteen
quarts of pure milk daily"
'But you always get cheated on such
things"
s'DoI? That's all you know about it!
When don't make % per cent. want to
be kicked. A cow will be the best paying
investment we ever made. Just figure for
yourself: There are twelve quarts of rich
milk per day, at six cents per quart.
That's seveuty-two cents per day or 1904
per week. Take out seventy-fve cents as
the cost of her keeping, and you have a
clear profit of 1929. Is that a swindle
We can't use over four quarts per day,
and can therefore sell eight to the neigh
bors. Just speak to Green and Smiths
folks, will you?
''Mr. Bowser, don't you remember our
pig?"
pig! pig! What has g Durham cow
got to do with short-horn pig? And
besides your own base conduct killed
that animal. Mrs. Bowser don't GU dare
attempt any tricks on mycow. I don't
want a scandal, but I'll divorce you if
you ever look cross-eyed at her."
''Well, we'll see how you'll come out"
ooh, yes-throw cold water on my
efforts to give you all the comforts of
life. It's a wonder to me that 1 don't
get discouraged and go to the gutter as
many a good man has"
Larry ueAG HuoIuinS d WoLldh dP POoACu
with a COW and calf, having them tied
behind her wagon. The calf was tied as
we'll as the cow, and / noticed that it
seem ed to be doing its best to keep
away from her. This seemed so singular
that went to the back door to speak to
Mr.. Bowser about it, but he promptly
called to me:
sect back there! Do you want to get
this COW excited and her blood heated
up!'
He daid for this new mich cow and
placed cow and calf in the barn, and aft
er giving them an hour to quiet down
he came in for me. After looking the
animal over [ asked:
''Mr. Bowser how old is that calf?"
'Three weeks
And th at Gov. IS its 9th 30 -
cts mother? You don't think she's its
uncle or grand father, do you? You must
be getting soft IN the head,''
Do you notice that she wont own it g.?
See there she's ready to cripple it if it
comes near her!"
''Mrs. Bowser you go and attend to
your gossip and that wall-eyed baby, and
don't you dare to come near this barn
agai n! You have become cross eyed and
soft-headed!"
went in, but two hours later, when he
had a butcher up to buy the calf, /
slipped out and heard the man say:
"That's the way of it, Bowser. That
isn't her calf any more shan you are
Queen Victoria's brother. The COW may
be all right, however; she looks like a
good mixer"
The calf was driven away, and Mr..
Bowser put in the afternood at making a
milk-stool and fixing buttons on the
cows horns. After supper he went out
and MIXED, and as he brought in a pail
even full he set it on the kitchen table
with the complacent remark:
Might have got six quarts more but
got tired"
He made great ado about drinking
three glasses for supper, and the cook was
sent around the neighborhood to drum up
customers. He held me in lofty contem pit
for while, but finally melted enough to
inquire:
well, did you taste any chalk in
that?n
mo, but did you observe that it had an
old taste?''
'W-what do you mean?"
''If that calf didn't belong to her what
is the Inference"
He rose up, turned as white as sheet,
and after great effort he managed to
say:
1.-The inference is that you don't know
enough to come in when it rains Mrs.
Bowser, you killed off my hens, and you
caused the death of my pig! Take care
how you conspire with my COW! There is
a limit to which human being can be
pushed!''
Nothing further was said until the next
morning when the quantity of milk
dropped off tie four quarts. I began to
express wonder and amazement, but Mr..
Bowser interrupted me with:
Il didn't expect even that much this
morning. She is grieving for her calf"
The quantity at night was the same,
and Mr.. Bowser's marble brow wore a look
of anxiety. At the end of week the
quantity had fallen to three quarts at a
milking, and even with Mr.. Bowser feed
ing ten pounds of meal per day. Then I
ventured to observe:
Mr.. Bowser, was satisfied from the
hrst that you had been swindled. That
calf new"