The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1887-09-03
THE BARREL HAMMOCK.


enced All of Its Pleasures.
Kind readeS, did you ever swing in
barrel hammock-one of the genuine,
home made country barrel hammocks,
such as you find in the summering
places of New Hampshire? II you
have not one you missed something in
this world which falls to the lot Of but
few men. Fall. did l say? Yes that
is it. That's part of the pleasure Of
the hammock-the falling out
But first, let me describe this instru-
ment of tor-pleasure. 1t is composed
of six parts. barrel slaves. two of rope.
and two Of cussedness. Two holes are
bored through each end of the stavc.
and through these pass the rope, the
ends being fastened to convenient trees.
hooks, or posts like the ropes Of more
peaceablc hammock. A pillow is
thrown in carclessly. This is done to
tempt men and lead them on to death.
Like siren that pillow reaches out its
every feather, and beckons you TO come
and enjoy its soft embrace; and you do
so. And the end is not
yet. You sit down in the mid
die first, imagining that the ham,
mock has some feeling like its genus;
but you are astonished at receiving
a crack on each side of your
Uranium from the two respective end
slaves. 1t startles yon at first, and
you win doubtless feel little hurt
about it, but, like all the rest, you will
look upon it as little cccentricity of
the article and swing your feet in to en-
joy reclining position. In doing so
you find that your pant have lowered
some slack down between the two
middle slaves, and that in turning
around you are in danger of twisting
a hole about the size of a dinner-plate
in spot which would Inconvenience
you. So you gather your robes about
you, taking all the slack on top, and
once more prepare to recline. This
time you have missed your reckoning,
for the pillow is about ten feet above
you. How to get up there is the ques-
ton. In vain you attempt to reach it.
Each time the bottom of the stavc with
five of its neighbors flies up and hits
you in the small of the back. Then you
try to slide up. Digging your toes be-
tween two of the bottom slaves and
working slowly along. you manage to
tear hole in your vest. stick nail in
your ear, and grasp the pillow all at
the same time. But you have got the
pillow and you are happy.
There's newspaper in your pocket,
but how to get it is the question. You
dare not move, for the pesky thing
will kick You out, so you content your
self with reaching for cigar in con-
venient pocket, strike match on a
stave-Oh, these barrel hammocks are
accommodating-and settle down for a
smoke. In five minutes, under the
soothing influence of the weed, your
mind is at rest; you have forgotten the
tricks that Turk in every individual
stave of your couch, and are picturing
to yourself the dash you will cut when,
at home after vacation, with eight dol
lars per week of saved board money in
your pocket, you will paralyzc the
clerks in the store with stories of '.gay
Newport, you know At this juno
ture one of the young lady boarders
rushes out, and with "Mr. Jones, we
are going" she plants her plump form
down on the lower slaves Of the ham,
mock. The upper ones rise in con-
junction. Jones rises, too. Your cigar
flies in the air and comes down in your
eyes Just in time to blind your sight as
you descend from among.the branches to
terra firma.
"Blank. blank the blanked thingi
who cut the rope, any way? Oh, ex-
cuse me, ladies'" OF course you have
to offer apologies at the tea table to
smooth the matter over, but Miss
Brown will always avoid you after that,
for it is possible she had a suspicion that
before the cigar struck you you saw her
where the treacherous slaves of the
lower half of that hammock had plac-
ed her.
Reader, should you ever visit the
country shun the barrel hammock. 1t
cost one man FIVE years of his life, a
new vest and the acquaintance of a
most estimable young lady. If you
must use it, take it down and spread it
on the grass, drive railroad spike
through each stave, and you have it.
Cor. Nesoberryport Mass Nesos.