Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-02-20
BILL NYE
READS THE FIRST NUMBER OF THE RETINA
Merits Of His Sons New Papsr-Ths Part Of the
SalutaOry Bill Liked So ~MuCh-Highly
Ornamental and Well Written
Essays.
Gicr0O Nelrs,
CnIcnqO NclrS.
AT THE OLD HOMESTEAD,

since you StaTuu your paper We" Doiohy
was received yesterday. We felt glad to
hear that you had got located in a business
for yourself, and it made me feel proud to
get q copy of the paper which you call the
Rdind. | do not know why you call it
the Retiaa. Still, the Bolony Retind sounds
kind of fulsome and didactic.
Retina l always supposed was a kind OF
a medical term, and | would be just fool
enough if l started a paper to call it the
Sciaiica or the Poiypms at Work. It's
wonderful how people run to new names
these days, and a plain man with a COM
mon education has to 90 grouping along
through the world the best he can. pre-
sumo that, with your thorough and ford
education, such q word rs Retind don't
stump YOU for u minute, but with me 1t Is
different. / am a rough, Woodworking
man and always been busy all my life.
One of the neighbors asked me night be-
fore last why | hadn't ever Joined the
Knights of Labor, and | told him that I'd
always been too busy.
| like the tone of your editorial piece on
the inside of your paper, which Is entitled
Salutatory. | like it where it goes on to
say as follows: 3
"We shalt strive in season and out oil
season to advocate the n Ina
bilities of New Bolony as II health resort
and county seat. Our voice will even he
heard in clarion tones, putting its shoulder
to the wheel of progress and trampling on
oppression with both feet.
ave shall send the Retina to every quar-
ter of the globe, SO that New Bolony, with
its wealth of picturesque valley, hill anu
dale, together with its new court house
and health-giving atmosphere, will be
known of wherever the English language
is spoken.
1T is true that the editor of this paper
has Just emerged from college, and is still
Young, but he has had some experience IN
writing for IL college paper, and he knows
what the needs and wants OF the people
are. He is aware that the class OF readers
who will peruse the RctiHd will not be SO
refined or cultivated, perhaps, as his col
lege readers were. but he will try to make
himself understood, and we think we will
be successful.
1--WE shall constantly improve the Retind
as growing business and patronage may
warrant, so that in n few years our readers
will look back on this first copy with ill
concealed mirth. We are already figuring
on a dark blue job press and n rubber door
mat forthe office, bearing the legend, Wei
come in large Gothic extended letters.
we shall espouse the cause OF no party
or faction for the present, preferrlng to re-
main neutral for the time being, hopping
on TO the erroneous ever n a non, how
ever, as circumstances may arise, which
will seem to call on us for a word OF re-
proof, admOnition or encouragement. We
shall not make any boasts or fill the air
with bombast at this time, but when hydra
headed wrong emergeS from his Mole the
casual observer will see us knock seventeen
distinct varieties of fire out OF said hydra
headed wrAlg, and those who carefully
observe our course while conducting the
Retiua will notice that there are no flies
on it.
1--WE have quite n number of onr hest
essays aud o~ratiOns prepared while we
were attending school and college, which
will appear from time to time in these col
umns. They are carefully and eNhauStively
written, and entirely cover the ground.
Among these we may name the following
titles:
"The American Indian Ills Glorious Past aud
His Opaque Future.
The Care and Discipline Of Children from an
bipartisan Standpoint.
.Thc Disacrccablc Results of Crimc-NcCcSSity
for Exercise Among the Laboring
Glasses.
"Drmosthcncs-as an OI.lland Speaker.
How to Reclaim Giddy Parents-Where is your
Parcut Tonight
CRITICISMS Ton the Present Imperfect Plan OF
Salvation.
"Duty of Wiyes-What Constitutes a Good Wife.
George Washington and the Misery He En-
tailed Upon the Youth Of America by
Telling the Truth and Atterward
Becoming the Father OF
His Country.
All these ESSAYS are well written and
would be highly ornamental to any hrst
class magrzine in the land, but we are here
10 give satisfaction in our new field, and
the best we have ever written IL not too
good for the people of New Bolony. We
ain to please.
with regard to prohibition we shall he
~outsp0ken ut all times. As for ourseli we
can use prohibition OF let it alone. For the
present we prefer to touch not, taste not,
handle not the unclean thing. We favor a
high license with low retail prices. This
GRADUALLY busts mp the dealer and finally
wipes this curse from the face OF the earth
with the bosom OF statuary wrath. Be
SONS of statuary wrath carefully printed
at this office ON short notice.
In closing we will state that the Reti"d
starts ont with a liberal patronage and has
come to stay. We use this last term with
the permission of the man who made It,
I'VE expect u new navy-blue Johber
in a few weeks, and little boys in town
who would like to contribute a thumb or
two out of their little collection, may come
out and monkey with the new press at any
time. Wa will return their thumbsto them
at the end of the week"
like the tone of this piece as n general
thing, though ! am sorry TO hear you al
lude to your liberal patronage and by the
SAME mail get n request for more funds. |
will send you what money ! can spare,
hoping that you will soon get on your feet
again.
l suppose you will he running for Con
greSS the next thing, and then yOu will
forget all about your old father, and Dor
row money of people who haven't felt near
the interest in you that have.
Send the paper for IL year and charge
me with the subscription price. You may
also put a place in your paper stating as
follows:
FOR SALE.
Owing TO Ill health | will sell at my residence
in town ~, range Is, west, according tO govern
ment survey, one crushed raspberry cOlOred COW,
aged 4 years She is a good mixer. and Is not
afraid 81 the cars or anything else. She Is a cow
OF undaunted courage and gives milk frequently.
To a man who does not fear death in any Iorm
she would be a great boom She Is very much Ut
tached tn her home ~ present, by means OF q
trace chain, but she will be sold Ia any one who
will agree 10 treat her right She j. one-fOurth
short horn and and three fourthS hyena. Purcha-
ser need not be identified. ! will also throw In a
double barrel shotgun which goes with her. In
May she generally goes away somewhere TOT Z
week or two and returns with a tall, red call, with
49,. yrahhlv lous Her name II nlSe. and Il