The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1887-12-04
THE oUEERNEss OF THINGS.
Some of the Unaccountable Incon-
sistencies of Life.

This is sort of topsy turvy world,
No one seems to be satisfied. One man
is struggling to get justice and another
is flying from it.
One man is saving up to buy house,
and another is trying to sell his dwelling
for less than it cost, to get rid of it.
One man is spending all the money
he can earn in taking a girl to the
theatre and sending her flowers, in the
hope that he may eventually make her
his wife, and his neighbor is spending
all the gold he has saved to get di-
Vorce.
Smith is drinking imported ale to put
| flesh on, while Johnson is living on
crackers and walking ten miles day to
reduce his avoirdupois.
The laborer with ten children keeps
out of debt with $40 week, while many
an unmarried bank official with 500 a
week can't get along without helping
himself TO the banks funds.
Robinson takes sherry to give him an
appetite, while Brown, who has wine
cellar, can't touch drop OF it on &C
count of his apoplectic tendencies. The
doctor tells Morrill, that if he doesn't
stop work and take a rest, he will 60
into decline, and then tells Blakely
that if he does not abandon his seden-
tary position and go off somewhere and
Wo' k Oh farm, he will die of torpldity
of the liver.
One man is ordered to eat eggs be-
cause they are nutritious, and another is
cautioned to leave them alone because
they produce bile.
One man keeps a pistol to protect
himself against burglars, while his
neighbor doesn't keep one for fear of
shooting some member of the family by
mistake.
You will sometimes see a man plant
ing trees about his place for the shade
and at the same time You will see
another cutting down all the trees
about his house because they produce
too much moisture.
One rich man ears poor clothes be-
cause he is rich and can do anything,
while poor man wears fine clothes
because he is poor and wants to create
the impression that he is not.
Ore man is killed by accident and an
other tries to commit suicide and fails.
One man escapes all the diseases that
flesh is heir to and is killed on a rail-
road another man goes through half, a
dozen wars without scratch and then
dies of whooping cough.
The prize fighter reforms and becomes
preacher, while the theological student
leaves his university to become a pro-
fessional baseball pitcher.
The man who can make $40 900 year
as a general thing can't save a cent,
while the man who is thrifty and wise
is seldom so gifted that he can earn any
thing at all.
We known wealthy merchant who
keeps half tzen horses, who recently
stated that dis store was closed on &C
count of holiday" and we know a
proofreader who can spell every word
in the English language correctly, and
the only time he experiences any horse
is when he eats horse radish.
Good people die and bad people live.
The man who is fat with health can't
get employment, and the man who is
making money hand over fist has to
give up business on account of i'll
health.
Linguists are keeping peanut stands,
and monkeys are writing for the news
papers. In railroad collision the
dancing master usually loses his feet
and the mathematician his head.
The pugilist breaks his wrist, and the
opera singer contracts throat trouble.
The man who has colossal fortune
is usually obliged to adopt an heir,
while the man without cent usually
has sufficient number of heirs to sat
isfy half dozen capitalists.
One man won't touch bacon for fear
of getting trichinosis, and another |
swears by Bacon because some people |
think he wrote Shak espeare.-Puck.