Wichita eagle., 1887-04-06
A MIDNIGHT LECTURE.
T. De WITT TAlMAGE TELLS AN
ENTERTAINING STORY.

|
ing on an "Extra"-Another Deiay-A
Patient Audience IN Warrington tho
Home stretch.
| at o'clock precisely, ON consecutive
nights, we stepped on the rostrum ct Chi
cago, GAINESVILLE, Indianapolis, Detroit,
Jacksonville, Cleveland and Buffalo. But
it seemed that Dayton was to be failure.
We teiegraphed from indianapolis, ''Nissed
| connection. Cannot possibly meet engage
ment at Dayton" Telegram came back,
saying, "Take locomotive and come on"
| We could not get locomotive. Another
telegram arrived. "The superintendent Of
railroad viii send you in an extra train. Go
Immediately to the depot" We gathered
| up our traps from the hotel floor and sofa,
and hurled them at the sachel. They would
not go in. We put e collar in our hat and
| tie shaving apparatus in our coat pocket;
got on the sachel with both feet, and ie-
ciare1 the thing should go shut if it split
| every thing between Indianapolis and Day
| ton. Arriving at the depot, the train was
| ready. We had a locomotive and one car.
| There were six of us on the train-na-neIy,
| the engineer and stoker on the locomotive;
while following were the conductor,
| brakeman ct each end of the car, and the
| writer.
"When Shall we get to Daytcnr' we
asked
"Half-past nine O'clock" responded tbs
! conductor.
"Absurd!' we said: ono audience viii
| wait till $50 at night for lecturer"
AT BREAK NECK SPEED.
Away we few. The car, having such
| light load, frisked and kicked, and made
| merry Of a journey that to us was becoming
| very grave Going round a sharp curve at
break neck speed, we felt inclined to sug-
gest to the conductor that it would make no
especial difference if we did not get to Day
ton till 9:45. The night was cold, and the
| hard ground Numbered and cracked. The
bridges, instead of roaring as is their wont,
had no time to give any more than a grunt
as we struck them and passed on. At times
| it was SO rough we were in doubt rs to
| whether we we're on tho trach or taking q
short cut across the fields to get to our des-
tination q little sooner. The hagmen would
hastily open their windows and look at the
screeching train. The whistle blew wildly,
not SO much to give the villages warning as
to let them know that something terrible
| had gone through. Stopped to take in wood
| and water. A crusty old man crawlod out
of depot, and said to the engineer, 'Jim,
what on earth is the matter?"
''Don't know" said Jim; that fellow in
the car yonder is bound to get to Dayton,
| and we are putting things through
Brakes lifted, bell rung, and OF again.
Amid the rush and pitch of the train there
| was no chance to prepare our toilet, and no
looking glass, and 1t was quite certain that
we would have to step from the train Inn
mediately into the lecturing hall We were
unfit to be SEEN We were sure our hair
was parted in five or six different places,
and that the cinders had put our faces in
deep mourning, and that something must be
done. What time we could spare from hold
ing on to the bouncing seat We gave to our
toilet, and the arrangements we made,
though far from satisfactory, satisfied our
conscience that we had done what we could.
A button broke as we were fastening our
collar-indeod, a button always does break
when you are in q hurry and nobody to
sew it On.
A MSCALCULATIOE
''Eow long before we get thcreS" wo
anxiously asked.
az have miscalculated, =" said tho conduc-
tor; "we cannot get there till 9:55 O'Clock"
" Oe2tt Iilseu, we CIith, you iuls,ut dS
well turn round and so back; the audience
will be gone long before 10 O'clock
"Nor' said the conductor; Eat the last
depot I got telegram saying they were
waiting patiently, and telling Us to hurry
on"
The locomotive seemed to feel it was on
the home stretch. At times, what with the
whirlins smoke, and the showering sparks,
and the din, and rush, and bang, it seemed
as if we were on our Last ride, and that the
brakes would not fail till we stopped for
ever.
A 9:55 O'Clock we rolled into the Dayton
depot, and before tho train came to halt
we were in a carriage with tho lecturing
committee, going at the horse's full run
toward the opera house. Without an in
slant in which to slacken our pulses, tho
chairman rushed in upon the stage, and in
| PRODUCED the lecturer Of the evening. After
In the quickest way shedding overcoat and
shawl, we confronted tho immense audience,
and with our head yet swimming from the
motion of the rail train, we accosted the
people-many of whom had been waiting
since o'clock-with the words:
'Long suffering but patient ladies and
gentlemen, you arc the best natured audi
| euce I ever saw" WheI we concluded what
we had to say it WIS abort midnight, and
hence the tile of this little sketch.-T. De
Witt TalEase In Brooklyn Magazine.