The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1887-12-28

In this year, of which we will devote to
the world, to the flesh, and 4 to our
selves, and keep Lent the rest of the time.
What we want to do, masters, is to draw
up q few resolutions on the first of January
that we may feel reasonably certain we
won't break early on the morning Of the
second.
Resolved, That we win love ourselves as
eur tieiguoof loves himself. and that We
will make it hot for him If he tries to out
do Us in this labor Of love.
Resolved, That, having exhausted al
the gospel there is in the United States, we
will import preacher who will not come,
thus strengthening the feeble knees that
are webbing in their determination not to
go to church If they can ind any sort OF an
excuse for staying at home.
Resolved, That dollar isn't too much
for concert ticket, and ten cents is big
money for q missionary collection.
Resolved, That he youngest deacon IN
the church shall teach the pastor how to
preach, and tell him what to preach about.
Resolved, That the poor we have always
with us, but it isn't our fault. We would
gladly get rid of him If we could, and IT
he will tell us where he wants TO go, and
win promise never to come back again, We
will gladly take up collection and pay
bis fare one way.
Resolved, That the town needs a new
opera-house, and seats in the church ought
to be free.
Resolved, That we wouldn't quarrel with
our neighbor so much if he wouldn't so
persistently disagree with us when he
knows we are right.
Resolved, That if everybody was as hon
est as we are, the millennium would be
could pull our boots on.
Resolved, That our neighbors are no bet
ter than they ought to be.
Resolved, That we are, mighty sight.
Resolved, That we don't see how we can
be any better than we were last year.
These resolutions, masters, are written
only for sane people, and If they are
wrong in spirit and letter, remember that
a lunatic shut up in his barred and padded
cell has little opportunity for learning and
judging the ways and thoughts of the sane
people in the great outside world. For
ourselves, We subscribe to the following:
NEW YEARS RESOLVES FOR LUNATIcs.
That we don't know enough to know
Just exactly what we do know; therefore,
We will try to learn it over and over
every day.
We will get of any mans corns the in
slant be "hollers."
We will not discuss politics or religion
with crazy people.
we Will uOb Tell lu6 UOCtOI WQhI is NUo
matter with us; it is his business to know.
While we know the nurses are the crazi-
est people in the ward, We will spare their
feelings, and not tell them of it.
We will give away more than we make,
lend more than we borrow, pay more than
we owe, work more than we eat, and think
more than we say.
We will not laugh at any mans hurts
until he laughs first, and not then unless
we are mighty sure that he enjoys it as
much as he wants us to think he does,
We will continue to abide in the asylum,
that we may be secured against the intru-
sion of fools.
We will not fire paper WEEDS against the
ceiling to see if they will stick, when we
know they will.
We will not get drunk jest to see how it
feels.
We will keep all the rules we can remem.
Der, break all that we forget as fast as we
can think of them, and disregard all that
we ever knew.
These rules are for the conduct and infor-
nation of lunatics only. and, of course, no
sane man need feel bound to abide BY
them. They are easy enough rules for
lunatics. a happy New Year, my masters,
and when you are aware of being sane,
come up to the asylum and be lunatic
and my word for it, in ten days you'll look
so much like your own old self your best
friends will recognize you.
ROBERT ]. BURDETET.