The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1887-04-01
WIT AND HUMoR.

for fast driving than be told that his
horse couldn't trot fast enough to break
the statute. = Bardette.
Smith, saw you carrying home q
couple of nicc-looking watermelons last
night, Brown How much did they
cost youpn Brown-"I don I know vet.
The doctor is up at the house now, ="
life. VIZ ~ % y
An English actor being one evening
in the front of the house, and seeing
gentleman putting on his coat prepare
tory to leaving exclaimed: Il beg
pardon, sir, but there is still another
act. ~ (which is precisely the reason"
replied the other, ''why I'm going"
Good advice indiscrcetly given. Brus-
que old doctor (after making an exam
ination)-"Well, sir, you have bad
case of hesrt-disease, and are liable to
drop dead any minute, and you mast
avoid any Kind Of excitement, sir, rs you
would the cholera" Harper's BaSa''.
"Will you have another piece of
steak, Charlie?" said his aunt, some
what deaf. III have had sufficient" re-
piled Young America. "Been q tishin"
IL have had plenty" Caught
twcntyP' ..You are an old fool"
"Broke your pole?' The lad left the
table in despair Boston Journal
A society" paper says: ut is now
regarded as the correct thing in bridal
parties for the bride and groom to
arrive an hour or so late.'' After mar
riage the groom only will arrive an
hour or SO late; but it will not then be
regarded as the correct thing" by the
wife.-Norristo,oa Herald.
That look doth pain me. dearest.
Our parting is but for one brief day."
Eyes, me heart would fain be content.
but" what then. fair onep'' Il
fear me mothers wrath" 1.-The cause,
angel OF my existence. Me life is at
your call!' "Your paper collars bust
ed, and mamma is SO suspicious"-
The Judge.
Says the Burlington (Vt.) FreeP Ass:
''We find alderman in the dictionary,
but not doodle. How is thisp" They
are still very green up in the Green
Mountain State. Isn't our esteemed
contemporary aware that the presence
of the ''alderman" is satisfactory reason
for the absence of the boodleP" Boston
Transcript
Mrs. Flanahgan Formerly McFlanni-
gan)-''Isn't it Mt Venice, my dear, that
we are to sec the Lion of st. Markp"
Mr.. Flanahgan-'I believe it is" Mrs.
Flanagan (who has somewhere seen
the words Doge of Venice in prinD-
land we mustn't forget the celebrated
Dog of Venice. The children will want
10 see all of tho animals. "-Ncs0 York
Times.
Mrs. Agassiz found one morning, in
one of her slippers, cold, little Shiny
snake, one of six sent the day before to
her scientific spouse, and carefully set
aside 10y him for safety under the bed.
She screamed: "There is n snake in
my slipper!'' The savant leaped from
his couch, crying: "A snake! Good
heavens! where are the other five?"--
The Commonwealth.
Traveller Ito ticket agenD-Gimme q
ticket for. New Brunswick. Agent
The next train doesn't stop at New
Brunswick. 1t goes through that town
at fifty miles an hour. Traveier-That
suits me. I've umpired too many games
of ball between the New Yorks and
Chicagos to be afraid to get off train
that's only jogging along at fifty miles
an hour.
what pity it is that such pwetty
girl as Flawrence Fawstaw should have
such beastly bad taste, isn't it, old fell
lawp" What is the mattaw with her
taste, deah boyP" "Why, she received
me when called yestawday in q wed
gown, with blue terriaw in haw lap.
Pawstively, old fellaw, the contwast
shocked me so that ] could hawdly
tawk." My gwacious! no wondaw."
~ Y. 1oOn Topics.
DR.. Mary Walker, it is reported. has
just inherited $4,000. 1t is hoped that
she will not squander all her money on
velvet striped etamine overskirts, pink
silk bodices, polonaises Ia princesse,
passementeric embroidered vests, fichus,
plastrons, jabots. white chuddah things,
and other frivolities of feminine wear.
Our clothing merchants are advertising
"coats, pants, and vests for $42."-Nor-
ristoWn Herald.
A few days since gentleman in
smoking-car on the Central-Hudson road
took from his satchel an evening suit
while searching for o magazine. A
verdantlooking individual In the seat
behind him, upon seeing the ''claw-
hammer" sremarked: ''Wa1 naow, /
declare, if there amt one o, them old
fashioned coats that they used to wear
nigh onto forty years ago, and it looks
just like new stuff, tew."-Rochester
Democrat
1t might have been South Framing
ham man, possibly Natlck man, but
probably Marlborough man, who,
having accumulated fortune of $780,
600 by selling liquor, and who had fire.
quently boosted that he never drank n
drop himself, on watching the funeral
of one of his victims pass his door, said
in heartless way: That's the first
time he ever passed my place without
coming in to take q drink. "-Naticb
lMass.) Citizen.
Portly old gentleman TO student in
lawyers office)-''Is Counselor Black
stone imp Law student-"He is at
present engaged in consultation, sir;
he will be at liberty in moment, If you
"a II