The Marlboro democrat. [volume] (Bennettsville, S.C.) 1882-1908, 1887-06-01
THE ANALYST.

M 'sNDO PNSNSf w. l.
don't suppose anyone will profit by 1T.
From the time OF Cassandra downward,
nobody has ever paid attention to
warnings. But chat is not my affair.
A London newspaper some years ago
gave up several columns of it's valu-
bic space to the question, "NVhat shall
we do with our boys?" l perused the
correspondence with a strong personal
interest, for | myself am the proprietor
Of Il boy-several boys, III point OF fact;
hut l refer moro particularly to my
eldest, aged nineteen, as to whom l
felt that 1t was time something WAS
settled. l havo Il great bclicf-partly
derived from the aforementioned cor
respondence, and partly from my own
otServatiOn--in studying Il boys natu-
raj bent, and finding him an Occupa-
ton IN accordance with It. Such being
the case | began to study Augustus,
with Il view to finding out his special
aptitude; but, unless 4 really remark
able FACULTY for outgrowing his trou-
serS may be SO regarded, l could not
Tor some time discover that lie had any.
by dint, however, Of careful observa-
ton and cross-eXafninati0n Of the
household, l elected that lie was adj
dicted 10 making extremely offensive
smells III the back kitchen with chemi-
calls, and that he had What Is called u
collection" Of beetles and other I'M
pleasant insects stuck on pins III a box
IN his bedroom. 1t appeared, therefore,
that his proclivities were scientific, and
| ultimately decided to make All ana
lyst Of him. Accordingly, after dis
posing OF sundry painful but presum-
ably necessary arrangements rs to pre-
mlums, Augustus WAS duly articled to
a Public Analyst. | use capital letters,
because | observed that Mr.. Scrutin
himself always did so. Why, I cannot
say. Possibly a public analyst-wlth-
0lit t&lpll,ls, WQUld not command the
ans niloput 81 publie con Aiouco. CNtH
epis Qolatlol don't Suigose !UN
NQuId,
A iGustl, ntst demand Oh ,akR& tp.
M lrW 9rf patlou MRS = microscope.
Npt Niilp y3tl're nbO,t#it,N 10 8lE
gestcd, IT lad better no u good one.n
at first ! vas inclined TO suspect that
this was III artful device for the further
Indulgence Of his %entomolog.ca vices,
and that tho lmplementwould be doyoted
to poSt-mortem examinations of de-.
ceased cAterplllars or other kindred
denominations. lie assured me, how
ever, that such was not the case, and
that tho microscope was nowadays "the
very sheet.anchor Of analytical sue
cess" The "sheet.anchor' completely
took the wind out Of my sails. Il feel
that there Is rather q confusion Of
metaphor here, but, not beng u nauti-
cal person | don't feel competent to sec
it right. l surrendered. humbly re.
marking that l supposed a five pound
note would it. The youthful
analyst laughed me to scorn. The
very least, he assured me, that q good
working microscope could be got for
would be ten or twelve pounds. Ulti-
mately | agreed to purchase one at 10
gulneas, and congratulated myself that
at any rate was done for. On the con
trary, it was only just begun. No
sooner had my analyst secured his
microscope than he began to insist
upon the purchase Of q number of
auxiliary appliances, which, it appeared,
no respectable microscope would be
seen without. lie broke them to me
by degrees. at first he only mentioned,
II | remember Alright, an "%achromatlc
condenser at Q guineas. Next came q
double noseplece" (wly s'doublen |
don't know; then a polarizing appara-
TINS and a 'amera lucida (4.e 1Os); then
!. micrOmeter and II microtome e
guIneas morel; then somebody's prism
At IL IS, and somebody else's micro.
Spcctrosc0pe, at L don't know how
much. Here, however, I put my foot
down. l am compelled to regard tile
sordid consideration Of price, though
science doesn't.
The microscope and its subsidiary
apparatus were duly delivered; but my
analyst appeared to be in no particular
hurry to convey them to the laboratory
where he wasIstudying. On my making a
remark to this effect, lie replied:
Haven taken them to the laboratory?
No; and l nm not gong to. Mr..
Scrutin has got a precious sight better
microscope than mine, cost 60 guineas
without the littlo extra articles, ana
they we're about 30 more. He's got q
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS., if you likel''
l refrailled from arguing the point
and mildly remarked that in that case
he might have used MI. Scrutin's
microscope and saved me some 20
gnineas. But lac rejected the Idea with
scoin, and explained that his micro
scope was not for laboratory use, hut
for private study
So far as my observation went my
analysts private study had hitherto
been confined to q short pipe and the
last number or some penny dreadful;
but ! did not think 1T wise to check his
newborn ardor; l contented myself by
observing that | only hoped lie would
"stick to It,"
mo fear Of that" lie rejoined, as
Indignantly as n limpet might have
done in answer to the same 0bserva.