The South western news. (Dawson, GA.) 188?-1889, 1887-11-16
TIE JOKER'S BUDGET.
WHAT THE HUMOROUS PAPERS
HAVE TO SAY.
Did Not Remember It-A Caution
IaIking Business - Rich Mems
Observation-Disclosures Etc, Etc.
TOO RISKY.

TOO RISKY.
I'D like to write you a policy in our
non-forfeitable, worcestershire, double
pointed security company, observed an
insurance agent to stranger.
"Well, l don't know, replied the lat
But you should think of your wife
and family. If anything should hap"
",.All right; go ahead with your
policy"
Thanks! Your name, business and
age, please"
Dickson Jones, baseball umpire, age
"Oh, er-excuse me-Tm sorry, but
I'm afraid | can't stay any longer just
now. GoOd-by."
READY TO TALK BUSINESS.
Charley Ito his sisters beau: Saw.
Mr.. Griggsby, pa bought big dog this
afternoon, and he's chained up behind
the house, and he's going to be let loose
at ten o'clock.
Griggsby: Indeed, Charley!
Charley: Yes; and he bought shot
gun and had copper toes put on his
boots to-day, and he says if you don't
leave by ten he's going to take the law
into his own hands. Now want to talk
business. What'll it be worth to YOU
to have me poison the dog, take theshot
out of the gun, hide the boots and set
the clock back an hour? I'm ready to
open negotiations.
THE YOUNG WIFE.
"Why, George A hundred dollars
for that magazine story How long did
it take You to write iti"
Young Husband (nonchalantly)-"Oh.
| don't know, couple of days, 1 sup
pose.
Wife (exultingly)-Fifty dollars a
day! That's shree hundred dollars a
week, and twelve hundred dollars a
month. Twelve times twelve is one
hundred and forty -fonr-fourteen thou
sand four hundred dollars year!
Why, George, we can keep carriage
and horses just as well as nGt!-Harper'.
Bazar.
CANT HOOK.
A couple of fellows went into hard
ware store.
"My deah sir, may we inquiah what a
n cant hook is 2"
Certainly A cant HOOK is n thing
to roll logsawith. We have great sale
for them in this lumber country.
You are whong, sir, said one of the
dudes, "dead whong. That is not q
cant hook"
"Well, what is cant heck, then?'
"a cant hook, sir, said the dude
edging toward the door, "a cant hook is
muley COW. Te-he-he-he!"
MILITARY ITEM.
The German military 0 1icer never nm
bends. This is the way Colonel Donnel
Of the Dragons gives his wife leave to
go to the springs:
"Attention wife! l grant You six
weeks Through for the restoration OF
your health. Come to the position of a
soldier, if you please. You shall report
at once to the medical officer at Wies
baden. will expect you to send in reg
ular reports twice a week to me, YOU
commanding officer, in regard to the
condition of your love and fidelity
Right about face, march y
FATHER AND son.
Tommys fathers business affairs cal
him from home early in the morning
and keep him until late at night to sucf
an extent that he two are but slightly
acquainted.
Recently the old gentleman found i
necessary to punish Tommy for some
offence. and the boy with tears in hi;
eyes sought his mother for consolation
"Why, what's the matter, Tommy
she asked.
''The m-man that s-sleeps here nights
s-spanked me, he sobbed.
A THEoRIsT.
Wife-Where have You been all day
Husband-In the beer saloon around
the corner.
Wife What were you doing there, ]
should like to know
Husband-Talking with other Social
lists.
Wife-Ohl Well, have you decided
how to escape from this blighting pov
ertY
Husband-Yes; we are going to max,
farmers pay fine for every hour they
work. -Tidbits.
THE HAIR.
Mrs. Wayup WAS telling her guests
the other evening how she was being
persuaded by her husband to have hel
hair cut short.
'But,' she concluded, II do so hatt
to pnrt with my hair
Just then the five-year-ol demon en-
tered.
"What do You Nant, johnny
"Why. Nell is upstairs and she wants
10 know which hair you will wear to
night. for she wants the dark shade il
you don't"
TIE FAMILY SUPPLIED.
"You lcy2 my daughter" said the
old man.
"Iove her" he exclaimed passionate.
"; / would lie for her For one soft
rlanca from those sweet eyes ] would
Rurl myself from yotlder cliff aud perish,
bleeding, bruised ihasy, ilp0h the
rocks two Hundred feet below !"
The old man shook his head.
~ mn sbmtthinG If il lidt MYSELF,
he said, "and ono is enough for small
family like mine. y T. SUM-
PRACTISING ECONOMY.
"You must practise economy, young
man. slid the old gentleman; ''you" "a
altogether too cXtrayagant.
II do practice cconomy; was the IL,
e,onse az only ate a bowl of bread and