Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-12-30
BILL N.Y. AND IHE COWBOYS.
Why lie krpr, hen IS an Inoursion Of Old
Word Amateurs


The cable news from London would
seem to indicate that the coming year
will witness a large hegira of armed
goslings from England who intend to
prosecute the cow gentleman and Dead
wood stage-robbing business on our
frontier. 1t j. perhaps unnecessary to
state that Buffalo William, the grace
full and courteous hirsute wonder from
Nebraska, is largely responsible for
this. Wherever he has gone with his
eccentric, dark red self-made Indians
and h 5 speckled bronGos he has sown
the seeds OF discomfort in the grammar
schools and bred open rebellion and
mutiny IN the primary department
Look along the red-hot trail of b.
William and on find the American and
foreign youth turning with undsguised
loathlng from his educational pursuits
to mmerse his legs in pair of chaper-
ajos to WELD the brief but singing
quert, to whoop up the red-eyed.
naughty and highta led Texan Ma
yerck, or shoot large. irregular holes
into the otherwise poorly ventilated
savage.
And what is to be the result OF ali
thisP do not ask it in light or fl p
pant manner. but in tone of deepest
Solicilude.
Buffalo Bill is encircling the earth
with his W I'D West show. Ever, where
the fever follows his performances.
Wherever he goes h gh-heeled boots,
lar ats tarantula juice and hair rise to
fictitious value. BOYS leave the farm
to follow the show away. Picn cs lose
their flavor and seem fiat. Climbing a
shsg- bark tree TO fasten swing does
not seem SO daring a feat a, il used TO.
The custard p vsinly beckons to the
Young man who is near-sighted and
who wears lavender pantaloons to come
and sit on it. In tho rural districts the
watermelon ripens and goes to decay.
and petty larceny everywhere seems
tame. dull anil flabby No one wants
to steal wealth unless 1t has gore and
hair on it Dollars or watermelons
that can be taken without walking over
a corduroy road Of dead bod es seem
hardly worth tax ng
Already the tide of young and fuzzy
cowboys has set in from the mother
country and an extra detective and
police force haunt the wharf at Liver
pool to prevent the exodus of leggy and
pimply young patriots who desire TO
roll up the + trousers aud wade in the
not, fresh blood of our rap dly disappear
ne RED men Already every steamer
that ploughs the wide waste OF booming
moisture winch separates Us from the
home of the patient yacht builder. brings
from one to several aspiring young
gentlemen II flannel shirts who pant
10 imbrue their hands IN the blood of
Old Git-Up-and Sit Down.
And so il is likely to continue while
Mr.. Bill is on his wild, whooping,
,hriek king and Coliseum storming ca
reer. After awhile il will not be the Brit
lsh Isles alone that will contribute to
our Ian gushing frontier cemeteries, but.
saturated with wild desire to snort
across the American plains and pro-
vide them selves with Indian Pocahon-
tases. the youth Of all lands and all
cl mes will buy W dc. white, soft hats,
fur pantaloons. with lambrequins down
the sides the low. gruifvoiced Ameri-
can revolver, with the dry, hacking
cough the noisy and voluminous Mex
lcsn spur and the foundered mustang.
with one white eve and the gift of APP
pearing to 60 like q cyclone, while
really making mighty poor time.
Then they will invade our Western
borders and there will not 10 an Indian
apiece for them by next spring
Already there are not stages enough
TO rob unless the mail service should be
expedited this winter, and unless we
IAN work in the Tantivy or have an
occasional attack OF our fox hunters
by the Anglo and Clyde built COW boys.
any one can see that we are going to
run short of outdoor sports.
do not wish to be considered All
alarmist, but unless we bring in our
Indians at night. the cowboys Of Great
Britain and of France will sweep our
great West and together with the road
agent from Rome, the pilgrim from
Palestine and the tenderfoot from Tur-
key. they will wipe out our pigeon-toed
Piutes, our cute little Crows, our low
browed Digger Indians before snow
flies next year.
Gentle reader, we stand upon the
crumbing brink OF great cowboy
eruption from England. Ireland. Scot
! land. the Continent and the great
5 Orient itself. do not think that Buf-
: Isllo Bill had any idea when he started
in to rehear|e his great society drams
aud horse play that IL would so soor
: disturb international relations anC
tbronQ our cactus forests and grease