River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-07-14
Ynnr Mife,n Relations

Your Wife's Relations.
To be on friendly terms with ones
wife's relatives should be the modest
aim of every married man. ! would
extend this friendly sentiment even t.
mothers-in-law, than whom no class OF
human beings. male or female, has
been more or less unjustly maligncd.
| speak not of the puny darts of the
humorous Photographer, for he is to be
forgiven much in that he suffers much,
but of that unwholesome sentiment
pervading all classes which has in
vested the mother-in-law with the form
and semblance of social dragon. 20 be
hated, despised, combated, driven out,
but never loved There is a great deal
to be said on her side. Il mother,
look you, rears her daughter with what
expenditure of care, money, heart
burning, anxiety she can. She sees the
young thing ripen into the fullness of
beauty. and is no mother at all if in her
eyes ut least. that beauty is not more
beautiful than any other in the world.
Thus, Dolly's complexion may not be
good, but then she was sick SO long,
and, besides, look at those beautiful
eyes and that shape. Were there ever
such shape and eyes? And Polly. She
has a hump, to be sure, halts in her
gait. and her eyes must be owEed to be
| Int mi IA.
not ruin her dear eyes in the pursuit OF
learning and the establishment of that
brilliant mindP Who SO bright as my
Polly? As for Molly, who, it is owned,
has neither shape, eyes nor mind-do
not the roses bloom on her cheeks
Her compleXion-is it not the pink o
beauty So, if there be a fourth sister
and she is blind, hating, pimply
crooked, and fool, is her mother for
sooth, of Ill mothers on earth, to point
out these defectsp No, indeed, mothers
are not SO constituted.
Very well, then; MollyOr Polly grows
to more OF less graceful maturity, her
mothers darling and her fathers pride,
when 10, there crosses her path a
shock headed youth, or a smooth-headed
youth: tall youth or "A short, fat or
a thin and-v'la! Polly or Molly is at
his feet (figuratively, of course. }
Thereafter, madam, these young ladies,
your daughters, are no longer yours,
but the bounden slaves of that young
fellow there, who may live to be hanged,
for all you know. You wish he might,
don't you, as you reflect that your
obedient daughter, whom you -
and cherished, whom you nursed through
the fever, whose thoughts were your
thoughts and whose heart was yours
till this gawky Apollo appeared upon
the scene, and with nod of his head
conjured your child away. All the 10y
atty and obedience of wears gone for a
pair of thin shanks and a prominent
nose. or some other valuable considera-
ton. BY heaven! if ever a daughter of
mine grows to that age when she be-
comes the target for such tricks asthese,
and if lantern-iawed male imbecile
comes to drag her away vow by all
the gods of paternity that I'll.
I'll do what?" Take him by the
hand. suppose, and say "God bless
YOU. my childrenr' That is what u
certain old gentleman said to me on n
similar occasion some years ago, and
that is what no end of fathers have
said and will continue to say, suppose,
since the earth must he peopled and
sinners bred TO the end of time. But,
none the less, there is always this plea
4 Al.
not also for the mothe- s-in-law- that
though they may bargain and intrigue
TO see their daughters settled in the
world. yet in the act of settlement there
is involved pang of loss which must
be forever remembered by an honest
son-in-law. True, some of the ladies
have peculiar methods of manfesting
their grief. Old Mrs. Needletongue,
for example. who could not even bear
to part with her daughter when she be-
came Mrs. Mandy, but has domiciled
herself i'm the latter's household and
rules poor Fred Mandy with "A rod of
iron.
A year or two back death stepped in
to rob me of this estimable relative.
have no mother-in-law, indeed. and it
may, of course, be that therein lies the
explanation of the cordial manner in
which | have spoken of the relationship
as general principle. That mag or
may not be. | remember the late Mrs.
with great respect, and if her name
does not come up for frequent discussion
in our house it may be because Mrs.
Mac lavish joins with her husband in
the belief that the dead past may best
be left 10 bury its dead. The late Mrs.
WAS a lady of great strength OF
mind and will She was amaster hand
at argument. But what or whom | had
specially in mind was the deceased lady :
youngest daughter, Mrs. Mac lavish :
sister, who is at present our guest. II
is with the utmost complaisance that
announce that between Sis and myself
the utmost good fellowship and good
will subsist. She has even done me tho
honor to make me her confidant i'm Z
matter of the profoundest interest To her
| self-no less a matter, indeed, than an
affair of the heart. which promises t.
take away from spinster-hOOd the las
and Youngest member OF her admirabl,
family. IL il were not matter of alb
solute confidence, should take grea
pleasure in setting down the disclosure
so lately made so me, that Sis has at
tanned a certain mastery over one of-no
the incest young man in all this world
with the very sweetest mustache and 8
perfectly lovely assortment of spring
neckties. in the history Of men. Such
or somewhat such, was the description o
him at any rate, and | have no reason
on earth to doubt its correctness. Thi
Easter tie Apollo is, as yet, unknown t.
me; but under favor of Sis confidins
friendship am to have a look at him
later on. | am exalted, in a word, t
the lofty post of Judge. with full powe
u pass upon this paragon's qualifica
tions to become member of lou
family" and it is in the fun glow o
anticipation of this prospect that re
peat it's a good thing 10 stand well witt
your wife's relations.
NOT A PERMANENT SOURCE OF WEALTH