St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1887-11-12
HE SPEAKS.
MIR. Bowser's First and Last Attempt at
Platform OratOry.

/ 4Ai' hoNseFs flfst ana Last attempt III
/ Platform Oratory.
The other evening Mr.. Bowser came home
IN state of excitement, promenaded around
the house with his nose in the air for WHILE
and then inquired:
did those books come up, Mrs Bow.
ser?'
There was a package came up Have
you been getting another batch of useless
books ?'
''All books are useless to some people, Mrs.
Bowser. If you We're like some wives |
know Of you'd encourage your husband in
stead of insulting him
''Well, | shall be glad to have you read
every evening. History or politlcs?'
''Nether. They are works on oratory.'
What"
Mrs. Bowser, | have been advised by my
many friends to take a few lessons in elocu-
ton and delivery, and to then accept some
of the numerous invitations rendered me to
address this or that club or organization
"Richard Moses Bowser, you can't be in
earnesty'
That's it! Yell out at the top of your
voice and tell everybody passing that my
name is Richard Moses Maybe it sounds
better than Major Why shouldn't pluck
the laurels from the field of oratory? If some
people are satisfied to grovel in the dust they
needn't try to prevent others from soaring
to the clouds"
But you have no preSence-nO voice.
Il haven't, eh? | was present enough and
made myself pretty we'll understood when
asked your hand in marriage! You don't
know me, Mrs. Bowser. See here
Nd hnl ,-olF, 1ip f,,t In;,r
which is trifie over five feet, sweled his
stomach out, and as he lifted himself up on
his toes he waved his arm and began:
"Gentlemen may cry peace, peace, but
there is no peace The next gale which
sweeps from the North will bring to us the
clash of arms"
Yes, Mr.. Bowser, but your voice is
squeaky, and you are very, very short.
Please give it up. should feel awfully bad
if you made failure
make failure of it Mrs. Rowser. YOU
don't know me- Just attend to painting
your old pottery and drumming on that
piano and Fll take care Of myself
pity the poor man when look back
over those days. l think he prepared as
many as six or seven addresses before he got
one to suit, and he spent at least fourteen
hours per day trying to commitit to memory.
He looked upon me as his enemy and re-
fused to have any further conversation on
the subject until the day OF the evening
when he was to speak Then, being appar-
emily very nervous, he remarked:
DO you think my voice has improved"
Il hope it has"
There you go! Do your very best to dis
courage mel"
'Mr. Bowser, can't prevail upon you TO
give up this idea of making an address to-
night?"
"Never If !. can succeed with my wife
seeking to drag me down the honor will be
all the greater"
At midnight they brought Mr.. Bowser
home in hack. He was in a nervous chill.
He went upon the platform to deliver his
address, and began:
llow-citizens-Let me assure you that
| highly appreciate the great honor paid me
by this club in seecting-in choosing-in
picking me out to odeliver-deliver-in pick
ing me out-in-in-"
That was as far as he got; one boy yelled
out, Go it, Shorty!' and others told him to
take his nose off, put brick on his tongue,
ETC., and he broke right down. The papers
next morning charitably refrained from even
his name was looking to see
if anything was said when Mr. Bowser came
down to breakfast smiled at him kindly,
but he shook one fist at the baby and the
other at me and hoarsely replied:
'Its all right-all right, but I'll pay you
off if have to wade in gore knee-deepn'-
Mrs. Bo'cser in Detroit Free Press.