The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-06-30

at Adam He said to himself: "Well, I
guess [ can do better than that if I try
again." and then-He made Eve. God
liked Eve so much better than He did
Adam that there has been more women
in the world than men ever since. Boys
are a trouble. They are very wearing on
everything but soap. If [ could have
my way half the boys in the world would
be little girls and the other half would be
dolls. My papa is so nice to me that I guess
he must have been a girl when he was a
little boy,-Erchange.
"Say, mister" said a small boy pulling
on the coat tail of an Estelline man who
was in the back part of the crowd at a,
justice court dog trial. ~
"Hey, whatd'ye want? % =
"Yerhouse is attire, you'd better run
home" y.,. 4c:- -
~. MY house burnin' you say?"
"Blazinl' up ) all 'round?"' |
b. eyer bet 'tis,-burnin' lively. !
> "Probably:hhave I'VE, ter go, hsey?' ~ -
"WeI, I can't git away myself, I think
Tn lible terrible called at -anysmiaute as a.
witness on this 'ereease, and [ wanter see|
that justice is done bout that dog. You.
run back and tell my wife ter git out what
things$he kin, and I'll be up after court
adjourns."-Estelline Dak.) Bell.
Teacher On m~ainerazogy osass)-rJohnny
give me the name of the largest known
diamond"
Johnny-"The ace:"-BingAamton Re
publican.
"The prisoner has a very smooth face"
said little Justice Duffy the other day.
eyes, your honor" replied the facetious
policeman, "he was ironed just before I
brought him in"
The ancient proverb says, "You can
not get more out of a bottle than you put
into it." That's an error. Besides what
he put in, he can get a headache, a sick
stomach, and perhaps ten days in the lock-
up:
"Come in, my poor man, said a benev-
olent lady to a ragged tramp, and I will
get you something to eat" "Thanky,
mum; care if I do. II suppose" contin-
ued the lady, setting a square meal before
him, "your life has been full of of ~trials?"
"Yis, mum; an the wust of it wus, / al
lus got convicted ."-Judge.
"Boss, ize a bit confusen bout suth-
in" said n Of the negro w~hitewashers
at the market to Detective Webb the
other day.
"Well, what is it?"
"What does per nun mean?"
"Per year, of course"
"a hull y'ar?"
EYES,"
"Can't he no mistake 2'
"No, sir"
IF I borry 50 Of Abraham Johnson
an agree to pay 20 per cent. per annum,
dat means 20 cents a var, does it?"
"It does"
"Hul Oars gwine to be de biggest
row in Kintuck tonight you cher hearn
tell Of"
about what?".
"About dat per nun I borryed 81
of the pusson menshuned at 20 per cent.
per annum, an fur de las fo'teen months
he's bin collectin' 20 cents a week as reg
ular as a clock. Stuck right to it, he did,
dat per annum meant cherry Saturday
night. Lawd but when I gifts desc yer
paws on him won't per annum take a
flop" ''*
"About these titles now" said a new
resident Of Kansas to a native, 81 want
to know something about them. There's
Col. Woodchuck, for instance; how did
he get his title %.
"Don't know, but he registered that
way at the hotel when he first came, so
we suppose it's all right"
"And Capt. Duster?"
"He's captain Of a:base ball nine
"There's Judge Snoozenberry?
"He was judge in a ~hog-guessing
match once" aga.
Commodore Sandbarr?
"He runs a ferry boat
GLOW about Prof. Bilk?"
"He's a pugilist." -,
"And Senator McTuff?" ~.
"Oh, he gets mad and wants to fight
if you don't call him that.
"AhH the Honorable McBride?"
"He ran for the Legislature once"
= "And General Carpetbagg?" 1
"Well, you see heoisa leading citizen
and we kind O. give it to him in recog-
milton of his public services. They call
me captain because I've lived in the State
twenty-five years, and if you'll just walk
around sort O straight and give it out
you're a major it will be all right"
Dakota Bell. !