Morning journal and courier., 1887-03-18
UNCERTAIN.

A poultry authority says "hens will lay 8 certain number of eggs in year." Our ex- perience is that they will lay an uncertain number. Lowell Courier.
 A correspondet wants to know the mean ing of sPro Bono Publico." In majority of cases it means that the writer who thus signs his newspaper communication is 8 chronic growler.-Norristown Herald.
 Manners.-In the dining room of respect able society it is not considered correct to put your fingers into the plate before you. But at church, into the plate that is set be- fore you, all are expected to put their alms.- Punch.
 A household journal, which slings ''home hints" around promiscuously, says that 'the yellow tint of flannel will disappear if it is left out doors on cold night" Perhaps so. In soRae localities the flannel will also disap- pear.-Norristown Herald.
 .sWhy does Congress take 8 recess:" asked Rollo; ito give the members rest?" ''No, my son." replied Rollo's father; Ito give the country a rest. Congress never rests" "And why nota" asked Rollo inquiringly. "Because," replied his father, Git never does enough to make it tired.
 Chicago man has spent s10,Ooo in fit ting up his sitting room, and when his sons get old enough it is probable that they will prefer to spend half the night in a boys club room containing 8 couple of seventy five cent card tables, half a dozen broken back chairs, and two dollar and 8 half stove-Norristown Herald.
 A western town has 8 female sheriff. Re gently she arrested man, and he, hoping to fatter her to let him escape, told her she was the handsomest woman he ever saw. And did she let him escapea Nol She wouldn't t let that man out of her sight anyway, but she wanted him around all the time. Trick cry is sure to fail in the end
 A young man escorted young lady to the opera Thursday evening" As they were com ing out he remarked, by the way of opening a conversations: fDo you like the weather so stood him. ''Yes," she said, 'I like lem raw; but" she continued, looking sweetly into his eyes, "don't you think they are great deal nicer frie6?" They took lem fried.
 The conductor came through the car col. Iecting tickets. One of two old ladies deep in conversation took from her pocket what she thought was her pasteboard, and when she handed it to the conductor he said tc her, "No, thank you, ma'am. I used one before left home this morning." She looked and saw it was -toothed comb. Un abashed, she asked, 'Were you successful Judge.
 If people were to write our language as carelessly as many speak it the result would be something strange. The clipping of fla miliar words, and particularly the huddline of as many together in bunch as we car find breath to speak make curious language as this will show Specimens of boys con versation like the following may be called short hand talking: "Warejego lasnightT "Hadder skate" "Jerfnd- the ice hard'n good!" "Yes, hard'nough." "Jer goerlone?' ''No; Bilrn Joe wenterlong." "Howlatt jerstayP' 'tPastate" "Lemmeknow wenyer goin, voucher? I wanter go'nshowyer howte skate.'' "H-m! Ficoodnt skate better'r you, I'd sell out'n quit" "Well, vel tryerace 'nseefyercan. ."-Youth's Compan ion.
 He Did Know.-Pater famil1as (who hal invited his daughters beau to have littl' l refreshment) )-'tWhatll you have, Johna little ham, cold roast beef, cold chicken, O -a' John Ca true Bostonian)-''Aint thos' baked beans in that dish?" P.-''They are Have somes' Daughters little brother (wht | has been permitted to sit up little whil. l longer than usual)-s'Ha, Jennie, I've caugh you. thought you were telling me lie 8 l the time" Jennie-"What do you mean 1 Johnniea'' Johnnie-"He picked lem out il | a jify." Jennie-"Picked out whats Whos l Johnnie-"Your beau. He picked out tn | beans himself and you told me ne didn' know beans" Pater familias Gin voic | of thunder)- -''Johnnie, go to bed!" John nie (bursting into tears)-"She did, pa, sh | did She said he didn't know beans or b would have proposed long ago." Tableau. | -Boston Courier