Bismarck weekly tribune., 1887-05-20

great northwest and have already finished
that portion of Dakota in which Is located
the National park. In what part of Min
nesota IS Spokane Falls, and is Montana in
northern or southern Dakota? l under
stand that the Red River of the North,
which follows the boundary line between
Washington territory and Oregon, flows
directly east. and that the Rocky noun
talnS seriously Obstruct railroad building
In Iowa. have had a spirited discussion
with the dramatic critic of our paper as to
whether or not the COW boy IS q mooly:
also, as to whetherlt is male or female.
Answer at once. Iremain, very respect
fully, JULIAN GoGGLEs.
P. S.-Does the blizzard stop to eat at
prominent points or carry lunch?
PATRICK AND THE TRAGEDIAN.
The Great Eastern dramatic company
came into town little disabled, as one of
the company who took the part of servant,
could not appear. There had been an
immense sale af seats, and as the company
did not arrive until O'clock in the even
ing there was no time to train man in
the unimportant part. A few moments be-
fore the time for the curtaint to go up Pat
rick McSweeney, a character we'll known
expected to do was to stand on the stage
Pat did not know a tragedy from pano-
rama, but he said he would 60 on. The
play had preceded artistically until the
tragedian called out "Ho, Patricia,' and
Patrick was showed on the stage by the
members of the company, who were en-
deavorlng to convince him tina there was
no occasion for embarrassment AS soon
as Pat came before the audience the ira
gedian shouted:
Stay, by m halidome Patricia and
Take the orders which now wilt give,
And by the stars that DER thee blink
Fail not thy duty to perform.
Dost hear? Dost list?
Patrick [trembling]: hear, ye
Crazy divil, ye, but upon me sowl
Oh do not lisp.
Tragediam with rage]: All. groveling
Serf, think me as gaze upon
Thy stumbling form and shapeless limbs,
That thou wouldst, too, betray me.
Patricia, by the blood of blue that
Doth within m veins run rich,
If thou doth follow in the steps of
Those who hath to me been false
I'll mangle thee with arms of steel
And hang thy hide upon the gates, to
Meet the frightened gaze [snorts]-
Patrick [doffing coat]: Shtop! Not
Anuther wurrud! Dim dacint maun,
Ye maily mouthed divil, an
Tragedian [rantingl: Stay, thou bungling
Ape. or by this sword that do grasp
wilt thy frame dissect
All, gods that who once was great
Should now descend to talk with such
AS thou. Aye, marry, but tis strange
Patrick: Oh am married. ye dirthy
Slandering scoundrel, and if another
Break like this ye make, Oil smash
Yere bastely jaw!
The embarrassed tragedian was in hopes
that the audience, which was applauding
part Of the play, and continued:
Tragedian: Be gone, thou worm.
! Thou cringing thief, away!
At this, Patrick threw off his coat
| walked to the front of the stage, tore off
his false whiskers, and pointing to an ac
| quaintance, exclaimed:
"Dinny Gallagher! Yez know Oi am
| paisable maun. Yez have heard phat this
crooked Legged shpalpain hav said, and if
an give me a chance DILL taich him a
thrick on the stage. Hi Dinny, come
onv
But before Pat could spit on his hands
the tragedian had gone and the Great
Eastern Dramatic company had disap-
peared through the back windows.
THE sYMPATHYZING EDITOR.
The mistake made by the TRIBUNE yes
terday reminds us that once upon time
the following item appeared in western
paper on the strength Of current report
At last poor Jake johnson is dead. He
died last evening. And now that he has
passed from earth we stop to wonder why
he, who was not blessed with sound mind,
whose reason was impaired from child
as poor wandering idiot, was not dealt
with in more kindly manner by our peo
pie. Why should he have been the butt of
| ridicule, and the victim of the jokes and
jest of those more fortunate?
The editors heart was beating with
pride over the words he had written, and
when he came to his office the next day he
found the following note on his desk:
MISTER EDITOR: see by this morpin's
paper that am deau; I also see that
heve been poor wanderin' idjet and my
mind was impaired. I will call at your Of
| fise at 2 o'clock this afternoon. Please be
at home.
The editor, pale and trembling, walked
down to get an explanation from his book
keeper who gave him the item of the
death of johnson, when the dead man
stalked mp the steirs with his impaired
mind and crooked club. He walked all
over the EDITORS frame just exactly like
wandering idiot, and in the next mornings
paper the following item appeared:
We were mistaken yesterday morning.
Jake johnson is not dead. He is still liv-
ing, and is just as big d-n rascal as ever.
OFFICIAL