Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1887-04-22

G~SS - &ASsS @A~sSA~ go sSAASS
say to her:
Mary thry him on getting to Amer
ika.' y"
Here is terse and vigorous bit Of
English brutality he remembers:
mo American can go through Ire
land without the inquiry being ever on
his lips, why do the troubles OF this
people vex all the world? Ifyou ask
an Englishman heremedy he answers:
Leave the island twenty-four hours
under water "
( He gives the legion of the Giants
Causeway thus: za
"In the olden time the famous Irish
giant Fin McCoul had q quarrel with
a Scotch giant across the water. The
Scotchman said he would come over
and mop up the floor with Fin if it
was not for getting his feet wet.
Whereupon Mr.. McConl, like the fine
ould Irish gentleman that he was,
built this causeway for his Caledonian
rival and greeted him with the most
tremendous thrashing ever given to
man. What was left OF the Scot Mr..
McCoul generously set up in business
AZ e~ SioSoIy, Nlu Cu0 SC<b III tllI4o
washed away Fins bridge to Scot
land"
He curtains the glimpse OF Ireland
in this fashion:
with one more specimen of Irish
wit we will bid her. adieu. Some
friends of mine, and among them a
disciple OF Bergh, we're walking through
Cork and saw boy Of sixteen beat.
ing d donkey. Said the member of
the Society for the Prevention OF Cruel
ty to Animals: Boy, stop beat
ing your .brother!' and as quick
as a flash the boy answered:
Il won't, father l said to an Irish
liverynlan: Give me good horse for
a long ride All right, your honor.
The best in the world The horse
broke down in half an hour and Isaid:
You rascal, why do you cheat me in
this way?' "Sure your honor, that
horses all right, but he is very in
telligent basic, and knowing you are
O. stranger he wants you to have time
to see the scenery As was bidding
farewell to Ireland I said to my faith
full attendant: 'Good-by, Pat"
Good-by, yer honor. May God bless
you, and may every hair in your
head be a candle to light your soul to
glory We'll, Pat I said, showing
him my bald pate when the time
comes there won't be much ola torch
light procession
In the Castle OF Edinburgh he en-
courages q bold, bad boodler:
"My canny and frugal guide said to
me: Sir, the tower is closed which con-
tains the crown jewels, and you can't
get in. The doors are locked Said L:
will a sovereign open them?' The
half of it will, sir" He fairly yelled
in astonishment at the reckless prodi-
gal1ty OF the offer"
He is moralist over Mary Queen
OF Scots:
"She died with the same superb
courage as she had lived, and in the
royal chapel OF the King OF Bavaria I
saw the pocket alter, no larger than a
lady's watch, with it's jowelled Madon-
ma and infant Christ, which had been
her secret companion and refuge in
triumph and despair. Was she guilty
of her husbands murder? Upon this
question tens OF thousands have
fought and gone to bloody graves.
Let US pray that her troubled life end
ed, her spirit from its tiny shrine
was received into an endless eternity
of rest and peace"
He visits Nelly Abbey, near South
ampton, stands supreme. The ivy
twines about it's pillars, hangs grace
fully over its ruined walls or swings
in and out it's grand windows, and by
moonlight it is the most weird and
beautiful place in the world. While
the roof is gone, and the interi-
or, the rest of the great chapel,
the chapter house, the monkish Access
series are perfect, but it had no Wal
ter Scott. Only it's own homely story
is it's literature. Its monkey lived too
freely with the larder and the ladies,
and it was suppressed and it's lands
contiscated. It's purchaser, Sir Bas-
ket Lucy. sold the materials to car
penter Of Southamton named Taylor.
The carpenter took off the roof, and
was warned by an old monk, who ap.
peared to him in a dream, that if he
attempted to pull down the church a.
stone would fall from the window and
kill him for his sacrilege, and the next
day the stone fell, the holy fathers had
their revenge. and the abbey was saved.
When I visited it all the sentiment OF
the place was destroyed by Sunday
school picnic which was lunching within
it's sacred walls. improved the time
by studying what the British mother
fed to her offspring on such occasions,
and found that they were fairly gorged
with rich, black plun-cake. 'Yes' ex-
planned one OF the fond parents to me,
we do this one day in the year, with
the understanding that they shall
take blue pill and castor oil for three
days thereafter. -
The English driver, he thinks, does
not scintillate with brilliancy:
1.-THE Irish driver is full of wit, hui
NOR and fun, but his information is
limited, and he is q poor guide. The
English driver is the stupidest OF all
mortals. He has neither Imagination
nor knowledge. i said to one as we
drove through the ancient gates of an
old walled town: What were those
arches built for?' 'I'don't know, sir
How long have you lived here?' AL
my life, SIR In the square at Sails
bury stood q statue Of Sidney Her
bert, for many years distinguished
member OF Parliament. I asked the
coachman: Whose statue is that?'
Mr.. Herbert's SIR WELL said l,
what did he do to deserve a. statue?'
Il don't know, sir, but think he fit
somewhere We'll, is that the reason
he is dressed in frock coat, and car.
ries an umbrella instead of sword?'
Yes, Sir, I think So Isaid to my
driver atTorquay: Do many Ameri-
cans come here9' 'Oh, yes, sir, Ameri-
cans are very fond Of Torquay. Only
yesterday morning, sir, two Americans,