Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1887-07-14
SLIPS OF THE TONGUE
A Collection Of Remarks Better
Left Unsaid.


Left Unsaid.
In the hurry of speech, and often in
our very anxiety TO be polite, some of
us are liable to occasional slips
which may have the ludicrous effect of
putting an entirely different construc-
ton upon sentence than that intend
ed. For instance, upon arriving at
your entertainers house. you say, II
beg thousand pardons for coming so
late;" and are met by your hostess
with the words "My dear sir, no par
dons are needed; you can never come
too late"
Take another case. At a grand din
ner, very needless gentleman, who
talked great deal, forgot that his
neighbor, young lady, was unusually
tall, ana exclaimed: 81 do not like big
womenr The lady bit her lip; and
the speaker, seeing he had made a
blunder, and trying to repair it as gal.
lantly as possible, added: "When they
are young, MADAME
At an evening party in Cork, a lady
said to her partner: "Can you tell me
who that exceedingly plain man is sit
ting opposite to usP" THAT is my
brother" 80, l beg your pardon, VI
she replied, much confused; II had moi
noticed the resemblance.
That was certainly putting ones
foot in it, and yet was perhaps not SC
awkward as this. 'Do you see that
gentleman over there, the handsome
fellow twisting his mustachep" SAID
one woman to another, to whom she
had just been introduced. .He ha.
been watching me all the evening, ant
making eyes at me. think he mus
be smitten. DO you know who he isP
Eyes; he is my husband"
In 'Dombey and Son." Mr.. Toot'.
modest: 'It's of no consequence
has its counterpart in real life. Said 1
gentleman to his friend on his leaving
the house after paying his first visit
"Well, good-evening, Mr.. Blank; shall
be very pleased to see you at an.
time" Mr.. Blank, nervously: "Oh
pray, don't mention it."
After certain concert, well
known German cantatrice asked
gentleman to whom she had been in
troduced how he liked her duet "Yo'
sang charmingly, madame. But VIII.
did you select such a horrible piece o
musicp" "Sir, that was written by m,
late husbandr' "Ah, yes, of course
did not mean But why did yo1
select such COW to sing with youP'
"Ach Himmel, that is my present hus
band!"
In an equally unenviable situation
were some lady visitors going througl
penitentiary under the escort OF
superintendent. When they came t.
room in which three women wer
sewing-'Dear mer' whispered one Q
the visitors. what y;cieas-leekin
creatures! Pray, what ara they her
forp" Because they have no othe
home. This is our sitting-room, an
they are my wife and two daughters,
blandly answered the superintendent.
Mistakes of this kind often occu
through people similarly jumping
conclusions. What murderou:
looking villain the prisoner isl" whi'
pered an old lady in courtroom
her husband; ''rd be afraid to get nea
him." "Shr' warned her husband
"that isn't the prisoner; he hasn't bee
brought in yet" at isn'tP Who
it, thenp" "It's the judge"
Some people have such a pleasar
way of putting things. "Now, do Il
me propose you as member" say
Smith. "But suppose they blackba
meP" replied Brown. Pooh! Al
surdl Why. my dear fellow. there
not man in the club that knows yo
event.
A lady, very desirous of concealin
the awful fact that she is the same ag
as her husband, observed to visito
my husband is forty; there are ju
five wears between us" '.ls it poss
blep" was the unguarded reply of he
friend. 81 give you my word. yc
look as young as he does"
As unexpected must have been Il
reply of the husband whose wife sai'
"You have never taken me to the cen
etery." mo, DEAR" he answers
"that is pleasure 1 have yetin antic
patton"
1t is related of a portrsit-psinter tha
having recently painted the portrait
lady, a critic who had Just dropp,
in to see what was going on in Il
studio, exclaimed: ''It is very nice
painted; but why do you take such ;
ugly model?" 1T is my mother
calmly replied the artist. "0h, ps
don, q thousand timesr' from &
critic, in great confusion. You a
right; j ought to have perceived
She resembles you completely"
On a similar occasion, a facetio
friend inspecting portrait, said to t
artist: "And this is Tom Smith, is