St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1887-04-08
UNDERTAKEKs, TALES.
stories Told by Funeral Directors
at Their Kegu Meeting.


Pittsburg Dispatch.
II had a funny experience years ago.
when worked for Mayor-elect McCallin
in this city," remarked country under
taker.
What was that?"
''Why, / got paid for buryng a man
twice. 1t was this way: A man had been
fished up out of the river and sent to our
house to bury. That night about o'clock
in came two women, q mother and daugh-
ter, named Smith. living OH the South side.
They asked to see the drowned man, and
as quick as lifted the cloth that covered
his face, the old lady threw up both hands
and screamed, That's him; that's my poor
husband The young lady identified him,
too, but didn't seem to feel very bad. The
next morning the family lawyer came to me
and gave orders for the burial. The old
man, it seemed had considerable money; at
any rate, l worked him off real nice and
respectable like. and got my pay. About
year later the same lawyer came to me and
SAYS: You ought to owe me $50"
Why" says |.
"'Why, paid you that for burying old
Smith about year ago and he wasn't dead
But he is ready to plant this time; died last
". L
well, l went over and laid the man out
While was at work on him the old lady
came in and said We'll. he's dead enough
this time. poor man. The night after we'd
buried him before he came walking into
the room where we was all sitting. He
had taken little too much drink, and had
lust got over it and read about our burYln'
him in the papers, and Lor' but he was
mad. l knew it was no sperrit as soon as
he came in. But [ guess he wont come
back this time.'"
Il never like to shave corpse" remarked
a red-headed funeral director from an adj
Joining county, land if it is practicable
always like to get barber. About month
ago | had an old man to bury who had
died with four OF five days growth OF beard.
His limbs had contracted terribly after
death, and to straighten them out we had
laid a couple Of pieces of plank across him.
He was lying on the bed in this way when
the barber came, a big colored fellow, with
considerable superstition about him. He
shaved the outside of the face all right, and
then had to climb on the bed. over the de-
ceased, to shave the other side. In some
way his knees hit the plank which lay
across the dead mans chest and held his
arms down, releasing both arms. They
sprung together like the jaws OF steel
trap, and happened to catch the barber on
both sides of the head. He gave one long
yell that lasted till he reached the street.
and that was the last seen OF him. had
to finish the job myself. The darkey was so
badly scared that it was three days before
he went to work again."
The following dialogue is alleged to have
been overheard at the convention, and was
retOld with considerable guSto:
Country Undertaker-Do you make any
difference in your own manner and express
sion in conducting different funerals?
City Funeral Director-Certainly. [ have
three eXpressions-on for tirst-class flu
nerals, one for medium. and one for cheap
funerals First-cass funerals. as l call
them, are when the family has wealth and
social position. These people are calm
and undemonstrative in their sorrow, and [
use what l call my ''digniied sorrow eX-
presson-a calm, sad look, with white
tie. | charge $40 extra for this in my ct
ceteras For the medium class just sling
| in sort of ministerial sadness" look that
costs them SIS extra. If the family have
lots of money and are pretty shoddy, and
bound to make big show, l use sup
pressed grief" expression that pride my
self ON. 1t is really pathetic. That costs
the mourners $25, but it's dandy.