Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1887-09-16
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.

reaching bases
When a woman takes hold and man
ages farm all alone people think her
wonderfully smart, but they never think
of prasng the women who manage the
farms and the farmers too.
A Nebraska girl fell out of second
story window, struck on her rubber bus
tie and bounded up to the roof. Her
friends are advising her to jump from a
church steeple and see if she cannot find
out something defluite about the moon.
1t is very curious that while natures
nights are getting longer a great many
of the knights of Labor are getting
shorter.
The extent to which athletics are i'm
proving the young men of this country is
remarkable. w. G. Munson, New York
er, took young lady out rowing at
Branford point. He caught crab, tum-
bled into the water and tipped the boat
over. The girl swan ashore and another
girl had to 90 out and rescue the young
man, who could not swim. This is an
over true tale.
| Chemical analysis has revealed the fact
| that ice cream frequently contains glue.
| Girls may now consider themselves priv
LEGGED with perfect propriety to taste
something which has stick in il.
Blobson, to Dumpsey, who has been on
a deer shooting trip: you are not look.
ing so well as | expected to see you, old
fellow. Did you gain anything in
weight ?'
Dumpsey Eyes, gained two pounds,
but the doctors have succeeded in re-
moving most of the shot"
An opera house in Kansas has collapsed.
The revival of Pinafore was too much for
it.
Grim the boat !" exclaimed Mr. Popin-
jay, rather sharply, to his wife, while
they were out for an evening row.
Don't be unreasonable" retorted Mrs.
Popnjay. you know l haven't got the
materials with me-"
do you believe in love in cottage,
sweet ?" murmured a devoted lover.
"Of course | do-during the summer
months" she replied.
A friend calls our attention to dis
reputable looking cut in an old classic
dictionary, entitled Caesar after an an
cient bust" To our mind, this settles the
question whether the ancients INDUCED
in anything stronger than beer
The night clerk in hotel generally has
rousing time, between 4 and O'Clock
} every morning
; Miss Blinks why do you marry Ton
Bloodgood ? He is well on in years"
Miss links "Yes, but he is also vel
off in money"
The people near Tomahawk Lake, Wis.
have decided to let nature attend to he
own housekeeping. They tried to fill il
: the lake, and the bottom of 1t sank 81
feet. They stopped for fear it would drol
, out altogether.
3 What should you do if your nose begal
!. to bleed while you were out calling p
e asks correspondent. AS our noses neve
I bleed, and we never 90 calling, we canno
a say.
81 love to feast my eyes upon the ocean
vast expanse ?" exclaimed Augustus Pop
Inlay, enthusiastically.
"No wonder his eyes are watery,' re
, marked Miss Dempsey to Miss Blobson
soto rOCe.
! A popular hot weather drink in New
f York is said to be red pepper and coffee o
q red pepper and tea. Everybody know
q how cooling red pepper is.
= Queen Victoria is said to have taken t,
4 glasses-not the kind her illustrious So
has been partial to for so long, however.
r Animals are not supposed to have clea
l. ideas of right and wrong to punish thei
II otfsprngs, yet who has not seen a ca
IL licking her kitten,
l. We'll" said st. Peter, opening tn
a gate, who are you ~
Il Pm base ball umpire"
e Come in, what is lett of you. my poo
s. man. 1t is those who suffer most beoS
t. who find easiest entrance here. "-BOStO
e Courier.
= Citizen Augesplelenstraube fou
- years a voter)-"Vhas list das neue Emel
=, igan hardy dat somebody vhas talki
a. apoud in der babers already :" Citize
A. Shaun Ma Shaughnessy LANDED six week
u ago)-"None o. yer bloody biznest
D. Dutchy it's organization ov uz bye
~ that belong here that'll kape out the gan
~ :. of bloody minded furriners that's thryiI
70 to come over here an run things. Ais
'' up the rid of thot tie till putt handfl
O. gravel in undher it, and don't be a
the time talkin' politics befoor ye gifts a
a. the police. "-BurdettG.
in There is an exceedingly apt rhyme b.
! tween the words creditor" and editor
u but it would be waste of time trying
he work it into poetry, There are too man
t. cold, tlinty facts connected with it,
i, Washington Critic.
7, There is talk in Chicago of mil
IL trust" with a capital stock of 800, 900
before it is watered. World.
Harvard Graduate lin Paris for the fir
time)-Aw. Pardong, musheer. Avr'
m VOC la bOngte de me dere ousque je pc
trouve lie Grand hotel,
~ Frenchman lin English thrt
st streets to the right, go straight ahead, al
e then to the left.
nv Harvard Graduate (enviously)-Ill b
~ my boots he didn't learn English at &C
as lege.-1'CDn Topics.
or "What have you got in all tho
Id trunks z" asked one fashionable girl
another at the station the other day as h.
friend was going off to Narragansett.
"Oh, bait" was the ready answer.
u, Boston Globe.
an Aunt Kate: "My dear, don't you thin
I'll if it had been the Lords wish that Y,
CO should have curling hair, he would curl
so it for you ?"