Western cyclone., 1887-03-10
WIT AND lIUMOR.

and forgiving beings on earth. The
more cuffs you give them the more they
will do for you.-St Paul Herald.
People who are always in high spirits
soon wear out, says a physician. 1t
may be, but people who are always
low-spirited wear other people out
T0nkerS Statesman.
Lady at theater (who has left her hat
cutside)-Where are you going, my
dear? Husband Cat end of first acD-
am going out to see if your hat is all
right.-Ne0 York San.
INA, there's 2 hole in my rubber,
and it's full of water" "Well, come
here and let me cut another hole, so
the water'll run out" Who says a
woman doesn't Reconciliation Trans
script.
A New Orleans editor has discover
ed that fishing is hard work. 1t was
generally supposed that fishing was
easy enough, but that it was the lying
about the big ones which got away
that entailed the hard labor.-NorriS-
torn Herald.
''Who is the god of battles?" asked
a teacher of the class in mythology.
MAR" answered little Johnnie Hen
peck. ''Mars, you mean, Johnnie"
corrected the teacher. ''No, 1 don't
neither. I only got one mar. "-Wash-
t11gton Critic.
A mesalliance at Tuxedo-Mrs.
Rapide-Aren't you going to join us
after the bag this morning, Tom? Mr..
Rapide (who does not believe in his
wife's infatuation)-Thanks, no, dear.
I've got to stay at home and do little
sewing. -TEd-BitS.
The Marquise de Calinaux, who is
still somewhat giddy, wrote to one of
her friends recently: "My daughter
has just given birth to son. Tell the
news to our friends; but you needn't
mention the fact that I am a grand
mother. Wrench Fan.
DeForest-"Where did you learn to
make such mince pie, Mrs. McDoodleP
What tender recollections it revives."
Mrs. McDoodle (tenderly)-"Home
and mother, | suppose" DeForcst-
"No, not exactly that. It reminds me
of the dreams had last night. "-New
Hdven NeaOs.
He Ito Pittsburg heiress)-Do you
know Miss Wandergrift, whose father
is reported to be so very rich? She
(glass and pig-iron) no, indeed!
The Wandergrifts do not belong to our
set at all! They are so new, you
know! Their money comes from ma
tural gas.-Puck.
Il didn't know before that Jones
had been a night-watchman." II
don't think he ever was one." II
can't account for it, then. He certain
~ told me he didn't hear the explosion
in the next house the other night when
the burglars blew open the safe. -
Pittsburg Dispatch.
A New York Judge has decided that
"cOrnering" is a crime. When YOU
return home few inches after mid
night by the clock and your wife be-
gins to question and ''cross"- Examine
you, and finally begins to corner"
you, call her attention to this decision.
---NorriStoeOa Herald.
Dead silence in the parlor. Half
lights. More silence. Dim lights. In
crease Of silence. Female voice speaks
verbally, breaking quiet: 80, Jack,
you haven't shaved to-day" More
silence in the parlor, accompanied by
gradually-decreasing quiet in the sit
ting-room.-Burdette.
Doctor-"My dear man, you have no
organic trouble, no symptom of dis
ease, properly speaking; but you are
simply run down. What is your oc-
cupation?" Patient-''I am q city la
borer and work upon the Streets"
Doctor-''Ah. it is as ! snSnected.
You require exercise. boston Tram
script.
"How do you like your new posi-
tionP" inquired a travelling man of
friend. 80, first rate" Your en-
ployer treats you well, does hep"
"Yes, indeed. He has already given
me raise" "What, so soon? When
WIS AS' A-elob MHCn
| called on his daughter. Merchant
Traveller.
Woman Ito tramp)-''I kin give We
some cold buckwheat cakes an piece
o mince pie" Tramp (frightened)-
"Wha-what's thatp" Woman-"Cold
huckwheat cakes an mince pie"
Tramp (heroically)-'Throw in a
small bottle of pepsin, madam, and I'll
take the chances. "-Medical and SargS-
cal Register.
Mrs. H.-''Great heavens, Grams
ton! Don't deny it; 1 saw you kiss
her" Mr.. H. (stifly)--''You are mis-
taken; she kissed me-" Mrs. H
but why did you let her?" Mr.. H
Il couldn't be rude to lady" "But
why did she want to kiss yOu?" Mr..
HI can't imagine. You ought to
knoxville.
A surmise-"You know scene oc-