The Irish standard., 1887-07-30
STANDARD" BREVITIES.

SlANUAhU lllIO
Having great run: Perspiration.
The Sunday Nose: Your best necktie
Acrobats report that business is Jump
ing.
Stands to reason: The gentleman who
has the floor.
The people who give tone to society
seldom give anything else.
The rivers which run smoothest are
those with the most springs.
A bang is something to a-door-es-
pecially when it is on pretty girl.
The Gar is called his August majesty
because he rules in a summary manner
A motto Of livery man reads: "Whip
light, drive slow; cash down, or no co.,
Fine feathers do make fine birds at
summer resorts, albeit some plumage is
soiled.
People going on an excursion are SO
happy to get home that they are glad
they went.
Detective: ''No; you cannot arrest
the members Of the Legislature for pas.
sing bad bill"
The great trouble with some people is
that their upper and lower lips are stran.
gers to each other.
A Louisville man whose hennery was
destroyed by fire congratulates himself
that his fowls all died game.
The bakers who ask for half holiday
on Saturday evidently think that half
"loaf" is better than no bread.
A scientist has discovered the 'tearth-
quake belt" It is found in the spot
where the green cucumber shakes you
Beer drinkers will be pleased to know
that schooner to be bigger than any
one known is in process of erection at
Camden, Me.
Storekeeper Ito little girl just entering
store): "Well, my little girl, what is
it today?' Little girl (innocently):
Wednesday,
A mathematical correspondent writes:
II am going 4 2 see my in 10 ded. I
shall not have 2 s long for an answer.
I suppose you wish me 6s.'
A horticultural journal says: eff you
wish your rose bushes to flourish and
thrive, use soap. This is not at all nee
cessary. Look at the anarchist.
Small boy dialogue heard at the cir
Gus: ''say, Jimmy, which would you
rather, that the hippitypottermouse was
runnin' after you or ryenowsehoss?"
He: "What, another new dress? That
is great waste.'' She: 'Great waist,
indeed? It's only eighteen inches" And
she wouldn't believe he didn't mean it.
A Sing Sing convict concealed him
self in box of shirts, was flung into a
freight car, kicked the end out of the
box and escaped. He should have been
ironed.
Insurance companies will not insure a
freight brakeman. They regard his as
the most dangerous occupation. They
evidently forget all about the baseball
umpire.
"What possesses you, my, dear, who
have such an excellent husband, to make
him angry so often?" because he al
ways brings me present to make peace
again."
An exchange says that it is just as i'm
portant for girl to make good bread as
to paint a picture. In other words, as
to tickle the palate as to tickle
the palette.
A well-known professor gave notice
that he could not meet his "classes:" !"
a wag deleted the &C" and made it ''las-
ses.'' The professor again deleted the
"I, and finished by having the best Of
it.
Manufacturers of silverware have been
the scarcity of silver chasers
in this country. We supposed there
were plenty of them. About everybody
that we know is pretty busy chasing sill
yer.
A 6-year old boy, whose father is a
musician, was very restless the other
night and uldnot go to sleep. Finally,
as last resort, he called out: "Papa,
please play your cornet; that always
makes me tired!''
Elderly spinster (in drug store): 81
declare to goodness. I've forgot what I