Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1887-08-11
girsiuia frse grsss.
HERE and THERE.

y
A floating debt-a mortgaged steamboat
Change for the better-breaking ten for
gambler.
"Born to blush unseen'-the young iauy
of African parentage.
Marrying by proxy is what may be con-
sidered proxymate bliss
For parents-it is wise child that re-
sembles its richest relative.
Got any real estate, Bliuks - mo, but
I've got a wife. | make lots Of her"
When girl falls in love with an uulucky
Irishman, her heart always goes pity Pat
There never was a women so homely yet
but some one could wheedle her into the
idea that she was handsome.
81 do not desire wealth for itself" remark
ed 4 philosopher. NO" replied cynic /;
81 suppose you desire it for yourself"
An advertiser in one of the New York
papers says that he has a cottage to let con-
tanning eight rooms and an acre OF land
Magistrate "Did the prisoner make a
full confession" Policeman; "NO, slr.
He made the confession when he was full
Anold woman may beanincOrrigible gos-
sip. but when you come right down to facts
the peacock is the greatest tale-bearer OF all.
At ball, in lieu of ''Not transferable
on the tickets, a notice was posted over the
door. NO gentleman admitted unless he
comes hisself.'
'The coolest man, declares a contempt
rary. els the man who takes things easiest 20
Exactly. such man is very apt to get
into the cooler.
Wife: "Now that you have boushta COW,
who will milk it?' Husband ooh, he says
the calf does that. 30 we'll have all the
milk we want
IL is all very well To say there Is nothing
in a name; but suppose man named
Slaughter should start a hotel, and call 1t
the Slaughter House?
Mistress "Jane, whatever is the matter
with your hair" Servant: MADAM, it's
the cavalry regimen; they all wanted a
lock Of my hair before they left"
A young gentleman, speaking of young
beauty's fashionable yellow hair, called 1t
pure gold. 1T ought to be- quoth X;
''it looks like twenty -four carrots.
Which letter in the alphabet is of the ut
most Importance to a Young lady, and why {?
The letter 81, because upon it depends
whether her life will be married or married.
Friend Jones prepare to hear bad news"
"My gracious speak what is it?' "Iour
wife is dead" ooh, dear, how You fright
eneued me. thought my house was burn
ell down"
The newspapers say that all is hustle and
activity in the best society just now. We
can corroboratc this statement in 80 far rs
the hustle Is concerned. The activity we
had not heard of.
"Ephra'm, does de good book say dat we
are made 90 de dus, ?" "Yes, Augustus,
yes, sab. Aud dat we must return to de
dust" "Yah yah yah, is dat so? Well
den, ] guess it must be coal dust"
To lady who was importuning him to
direct her son into a paying business, Lord
Rothschild remarked Madam any bust
ness is good selling matches even is sPlen-
did business if you do enough Of it,
look, dear There's your husband going
in to supper with Mrs. Scudamore a dau-
gerously attractive woman. Let me warn
you GLOW good Of you How wish he
were going in to supper with you, dear, in
stead
AYES, Mr.. Oldboy," she simpcred. 81
have seen twenty-seyen springs. Now
would you think that l had?' "Well,
yes, ma'am, don't know but what should,
and / fancy some of them springs must
have been very backward
Il wish were YOU fo5 about two hours"
she said with great tenderness. And why,
my dear ?" ne asked, with considerable in
tcrest. Because" she said, toying atiec-
tionately with his watch-chain- because
then 1 would buy my wife new bonnet"
Excited wife ooh, John John, Quick
run for doctor" Halfdressed husband
whats the matter with you anyhow 90
"Baby has swallowed your collar-stud'
GLOW ON earth DO you expect me to get
ready to 20 for doctor without that collar
stud 9'
Alta recent church meeting a solemn aud
most exemplary deacon, submitting re-
port Of the destitute widows and Others
standing in need Of assistance, was asked:
care you sure deacon, YOU have embraced
all the widows ." lie said che believed he
had done SO but if any had been omitted
the omission could easily be corrected"
Alta West-end mansion the other even
ing a lackadaisical young lady was persua-
ded after dinner to give the company who
were present a song. Like most aiter-din-
ner music, il was excruciating; but, in or
der to show his interest. one of the guests