davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-09-10
Overrating the Telephone.
 The CnlanaI

A good joke is told of Dallas young man who overrated the powers of the telephone. He had an engage ment to take his sweetheart to socia- ble, but happening to meet with an accident on the way to her house, he went to near telephone to explain to her why he could not fill his engage ment. Going to the instrument, he called the inevitable
 "Hellow
 "Hello again" :" came in softest ac- cents.
 "Is that you, Miss Eula?"
 "Yes."
 "Well. Pve met with serious ac- cident and can't come."
 "Oh, De Witt! What is it? Are you hurt much?" with pitving ac- cents.
 "No, not hurt at all but"
 "Then why can't you come if you are not hurt? What is the matter? Please tell me-" with great anxiety and curiosity.
 "Oh, it ain't much. Pll tell you some of these days"
 "No; l want to know now. Pll be mad if you don't tell me- What is it? Tell me right otfr
 "Well, if you must know, Eve torn my best pants from the Rio Grandedo Red river. Just look there," and he raised his coat and turned towards the telephone, amidst roar of laugh ter from the few who were gathered around. He thought in his excite ment that his inquisitive friend could see through the telephone. They haven't met since.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-09-10
The Champions.

Elegant group photograph of the Chicago Base Ball Club from recent negatives. Send 25 cts. for cabinet to Stevens Studio, McVicker's Theater Chicago, and receive one by return mail.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-09-10

A GOonRICH, Attorney -atAw, i24 Dearborn A street, Chicago aIl.-Advlce frae.@le- wears, experience. Business quietly and legally transacted
The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-09-10
F. w. HUMPHREY a. C(
RED sI! lsIs E;l l;: ::|ss23lJ!Cj

6f0 Scrap Pictures. Games. and Book of Sample
 JUU Cards two cents STAR CARD Co, Station i5 Ohio
The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-09-10
Both For the Price of One.

We have made arrangements with the publishers by which we can fur
 nish the popular St. Louis Magaztne with TIE ARKANsAw TRAVELLER at the low price of two dollars and ten cents year for both publications. The price of THE TRAVELLER alone is two dollars year, and for only ten cents more you may procure both TRAVELLER and Magaztne. Subscrip-
 tions, accompanied by two dollars and ten cents, may be sent to St. Louis Mdgazine, 213 N. Eighth st., St. Louis, Mo-, or, Read & Benham, Publishers of THE ARKANsAw TRAv- ELER, 7s Calumet Bldg, Chicago, III.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-09-10

which should succeed in assuming the most singular character. Umpires were selected, whose duty it was to decide upon the comparative absurd ity of the costumes in which the two men appeared. On the appointed day Hodgson came before the umpires decorated with bank notes of various value on his coat and waistcoat, row of five guinea notes and long netted purse of gold around his hat, whilst piece of paper bearing the words "John Bull" was attached to his back. Whitehead was dressed like woman on one side, one- half of his face was painted and he wore a silk stocking and slipper on one leg. The other half of his face was blacked, to re- semble that of negro; on the corre- spending side of his body he wore a gaudy, long tailed linen-coat and his leg was cased in half pair Of leather brooches with boot and spur. One would have fancied that Whitehead must have presented by far the most singular appearance. The umpires thought different, however, and awarded the stakes to Hodgson.
 A somewhat similar bet was one made in relation to the master of the revels to George H., named Heidegger, whose ugliness it wa- declared impos- sible to surpass. One of the courtiers wagered that he should produce some one who should be pronounced uglier than IIeidegger. He was allowed a few days in which to unearth his champion, and it is said that he en- ployed them in personally ransacking the worst slums of London. Some- where ill St. Giles he found an old woman whom he thought sufficiently plain to confront Heidegger. When the two were put face to face. the judges said it was impossible to de- eide which of them was entitled to bear the proud title of "ugliest being in London" A courier, however. suggested that IIeidegger should put on the old woman's bonnet. This he did, and the additional ugliness it gave him was such that he was unan- imously declared the winner.
 A notorious gambler of the last century finally ruined himself by q very extraordinary bet. He had been playing with Lord Lorn: their stakes had been very high and luck had gone steadily against him. Exasperated at his losses, he jumped up from the card table and. seizing large punch bowl, said: "For once I'll have bet where l have an equal chance of win ming! Odd or even for fifteen thou sand guineas?" "Odd," replied the peer calmly. The bowl was dashed against the wall, and on the pieces be- ing counted there proved to be an odd one. The rash gambler paid up his fifteen thousand guineas, but, if tradi- tion be correct, it was only by selling the last of his estates that he was en- ablcd to do so.
 Some years ago gentleman made heavy bet that he would stand for day on London bridge with tray full of sovereigns fresh from the mint which he would be unable to dispose of at a penny apiece. A nursemaid bought one to quiet a crying child, but no more were disposed of.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-09-10

m0gE9M Mc,RhIne Habit Cured in 10
 Va OWh Dr. J. Stephens. Lebanon, Ohio.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-09-10

Full of Pluck-Countryman (to dentist)-'T wouldn't pay nothin' ex- tra fer gas. Jest yank her out if it does hurt"
 Dentist-"You are plucky, sir. Let me see the tooth."
 Countryman-'.Oh, 'taint me that's got the toothache; it's my wife She'll be here in minute. e."-.New York Sun.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-09-10

French Woman Cat Long Branch) we had sooch fine time bath de otcean. M'sieur Brown, he gif me -vot you calls 'em-a gosling."
 American Woman-"A gosling 1! Why, a gosling is little duck"
 French Woman-"Zat is vat he gif me-a leetle duck. E1chan0e.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-09-10

Children Cry for Pitehes's cassoria.
 --Ade.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-09-10

Do not forget to add to your drink ing water, lemonade or soda ten drops of Angsstura Bitters. It imparts de- hcious flavor and prevents malaria and All summer diseases. Be sure to get the genuine Angostura manufactured only by Dr. J. c. B. Siegert Sons.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-09-10

It's superior excellence proven in millions of homes for more than quarter of ii century. It is used by tn" United States Government. Endorsed by the heads of the Great Universities the Strongest, Purest, and most Heaithfu Dr. Prices the only Baking Powder that does not contain Ammonia, Lime, or Alum. Sold only in Cans.
 PRICE BAKING POWDER CO,
 NEW YORK. CHICAGO. ST. LOUIS.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-09-10

Generous to a Fault.-"Yes," said young Featherly, q invited my girl last night to eat three dishes of ice cream,
 "Heavensw exclaimed Dumley, fairly aghast, "you must have been flush. Where were you-at Deps?"
 No; at an evening liar 1oey's Bazdr.
The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-09-10

Hunter-"Can you tell me what is the funniest part of dog?"
 Farmer-"His tail, I guess. It's such wag."
 "No. The funniest part of a dog is his lungs"
 "HOw do you make that out?' "They are the seat of his pants, don't you seea"- Teras 8styings.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1887-03-07
TRAVELLERS GUIDE.

a RRIVAL AND DEPARTURE OF
II TRAINS-On and after Jan. 30, 1ss7-ExpII-
NATION or REFERENCE MARKS. sDally. tSunday
e1cented. Monday excepted, Wheeling tImn:
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1887-03-07
lie WAS A GOOD LISTENER.

.... ---| .#.. .. ~.
Why 1t Is Tint the Kentucksnns Have the
Laugh OF 1Ex.Gov. Dlnsotln.
Zen Prity Poore IN the Bottom Budget,
The Kentuckians tell q good story Of
Ex-Gov. Magofin, OF that State, who is a
good talker and likes to do most of the
talking himeelt. One day, in making the
journey from Cincinnati to Lexington, be
shared hia seGt in the car with q bright
eyed, pleaeant-faced gentleman. The
Governor, after q few commonplace re-
marks, 10 which his companion smiled and
nodded assent, branched into q descrip.
ton Of the scsnea that ha had witnessed
different parts Of the country, grew elo.
quent over the war, described with glow
ing speech tho horse races he had wit
messed, talked learnedly OF breeding, and
told thrilling stories Of his battles
with the Indians in the Northwest.
The hours slipped rapidly away, and
when the train was nearing Lexington the
two exchanged cards and parted with a
cordial shake OF the bands. The Governor
drove to an inn, and to q number OF
friends he remarked that the time had
never seemed so short before. ''Then you
must have had pleasant company aboard.n
you ore right; / met a gentleman OF un-
uaual intelligence; we conversed all the
way over; l never was brought in contact
with q mora agreeable man." "Indeel!
Who Was he" asked a friend. swat a
minute; l have his card" end the Cover
nor felt in his pocket and produced 4 piece
OF pasteboard. Ills name is King"
'"Not Bob Kingw ehouted a dozsn in one
breath. "ies, gentlemen; Robert King
that Is tho way the card reads" was the
proud reply. A roar Of laughter followed.
why, Governor, Bob King is as deaf as a
post. He was born deaf and dumb"
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1887-03-07
1t Wasn't Tooth Powder.

NV" w .A#..u aH..L. NrH.#. ..N"#. .HHH.#..
I was told yesterday a rather amusing
story ut tho expense Of Mark Twsin-and
the Sans story is already a standing joke
in society. No. long ago the humoriat
was travelling in the country, and stopped
II evening at a house presided over by
an elderly woman, He was ahown to a
room somewhat bare Of ornament and
furniture, yet sleps TIL morning. When
morning came and he rose he became
mindful Of the fact that, although he had
provided himself with a toothbrush, he
had forgotten his tooth.powder. He
consoled himself with the thought
that there must be tooth.powder lying
somewhere about. Alter a brief eearch he
discovered something in q small box on
the mantel which certainly resembled
tooth powder. At any rate he used it
vigorously on his teeth, and found 1t
satisfactory. When he got down stairs he
apolosized to his hostess for using her
tooth powder. She appeared surprised.
What tooth powder?" abe inquired,
blandly. ut was on the mantel," Mark
replied. son the nantel 2" she repeated.
"Yes, in q snail box. 1t was excellent"
he declared. "Good gracious!" she ejacu.
lated, shat wasn't tooth powder!n
"What was it?" asked Mark, now eighty
alarmed. "Why, that was auntie p said
she. It seems that "aunlie" had bsen
NsI-Hr t.-r eEr-
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1887-03-07
ABOUT PROMINENT PEOPLE.

H....N.rM -#Hu..f --f #I#E# aMH# ~ -.
Tho Queens jubilee will DO celebrated
on Juno 81,
Bill Nye, the humorist, 10 recovering
from q serious illness.
Secretary Whitney and the British Min
lister will, 1t Ia said, give a mid-Lent ball.
Gen. Joeeph Z. Johntson, United States
Railroad Commissioner, 10 eighty this
month.
For thirteen years John Ruskin spent
$50, 900 annually. He limits himself now
TO $500 q year.
The new book upon which Mira. Con.
Custer. is now engaged will probably not
DO out before next fall.
PATHS receipts for seven performances
In Mexico were $4,000. Ten perform.
ancos Of Sarah Bernhard paid $4,000.
Thackeray was paid $4,000 in a'ldmp
for tho novel "Hcnry Esmond," and he
received about ST.. 900 Tor "Pendennia."
The library Of Ranke, the hiatorian, has
been purchased for the Berlin Royal Ii.
brmy. The collection was recently valued
at 100000.
Nine. Kuki. the wife Of tho Japanese
Minister at Washington, speaks the pref.
~tiest-sort OF crazy quilt English, and Is
very proud OF the accomplishment.
Munkacsy Is to paint q l~ife.sizs por.
trait Of Minnie Haulk, depicting her In o
walking costume and wearing o broad
Gainsborough hat. The nrtist Ia about to
| visit Vienna, where no Is 10 decorate the
ceilinga Of the new Court Museum.
The hei,a Of Horace Greeley have asked
the Now York Comptroller to pay them
$3.50, which was due him for attendance
al the Constitutional Convention in 1867.
Mr.. Greeley became disguised with the
proceedings and went away before the end
nj ths 8~eRsioa. 3W.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1887-03-07
A STORY.

Two Young Women nnd Two Young Licutcn.
ants, aud What Happened.
.Etehaagt.
a well known Major General in tho
army this evening gave tho true story Of
the original quarrel between Grant and
Hancock. He bald: "Tho facts, familiar
to some Of us, and % related by contem.
p~oraneols army officers. who, like myself,
met the Russell and Dent families AMI
young Lieu.n. Grant and Hancock years
ago In 81. Louis briefly stated, are these:
Tho Russell family, then living in ST..
Louig, wero rich, becoming so upon profit
able army contracts which Min1 Rissells
father had obtained from the United
Statea government during and after tho
Mexican war. The Dent family, then 70.
siding in tho suburbs OF st. Louis, was
poor. Tho Russell family entertained
splendidly. The Dsnt family did not
mingle in the society OF that city, but
lived humbly and frugally. Tho young
L!eutensnta and captains OF our regular
army, who coveted riches aud were fond
OF elegant society, visited The Russells, ad-
mired and some courted tho rich and &C.
complished Miss Russell.
"The gay young officers who coveted
riches did not seek Miss Dent, and, there
iorc, 1t was said, she became jun. a little
bit %envious Of the much.sought youug
lady. A superb young officer won and
carried of tho rich pr!zs.' Lieut.. Win.
field Scott Hancock married Miss Russell.
a poor, and not then very prepossessing,
young officer found favor in the eyes aud
won the heart Of the more humble young
lady. Lieut.. Ulysses s. Grant married
Mics Dent. Though Tor many years there
after the homes Of thonc two families were
separated by hundreds Of miles, yet the
members were not lost Right Of each to
tho other. Hancock became personally
popular with tho people Of his homo in
Pennsylvania and advanced creditably in
tho military service, while Grant, not thus
favored by fortune, got out Of tho army
md struggled in poverty
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1887-03-07
Tho Coming Reunion.
To The Editor Vhe intelligence.


SHIT was my privilege and pleasure
to attend g regular meeting Of kimball
Post, G. A. R., at Littleton on Friday
evening, March 18th, and am pleased to bs
able 10 state that I found the post in q
very ilourishing condition. The comrades
are all very earnest aud enthusiastic. Six
recruits wero mustered at the meeting re-
ferred to, and they promise d full repre-.
a,sntasion at The meeting Of the Society of
tho Army CT West Virginia in August
next. My impression lie, from what |
see in my visits to posts in different parts
Of the State, that tile citizans of Wheeling
DO not realizs the magnitude Of the
monster reunion to be held here. Grafton
poat organized on Monday las. with larse
membership. Hon. J. W. Mason was
elected commander and A. @. NJ. G. Mil.
Ter reports the meeting u very enthusiastic
one. 1t will DO we'll for us TO prepare for
tho greatest crowd that ever met in West
Virginia at onr coming reunion. F. H {.
Wheeling, March 6.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1887-03-07
A Wenk Rack Kent Strong,

Hl1suRo, AppoMATrox Co., VA, March
7, lSSG.-Allcock's Plsstcrs have enabled
me to work and labor for the last two
years. have been troubled with q pain
across my kidneys and q weakness Of the
spine which, at times, rendered me aluoat
helpless. The first relief I obtained was
by wearing two Allcock's Plasters, and I
ase about two every month, aQd ! bave
no pain or difficulty. I consider them the
best plaster in use. I, Tor one, cannot do
without them. r. H.. GILLIAN.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1887-03-07
DIED.

kEAP-3n Sunday morning, March G. 1857, at G
O'Clock, WILLIE G., only sou Of William G. and
Annie Conner Kemp, lged II years, II months
and II days.
Funeral from the residence OF his parents, No. 60
Twenty.fourth street, Tuesday afternoon ut 2
o'clock. Friends OF the family are invited
1nterment at Greenwood Cemetery. f4
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1887-03-07

"HEELING ( ELM GROVE n. r..
w On and after NOVEMBER Is, 1856, trains vim
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1887-03-07
T.. z. 3 @. Railroad.

.i b z. 3 g. Railroad. gn3tt
g, Leave Bciiaire at $50 D, m. for Woodstock and
summcrfeld, '"HN1'N'S $40 1A1
termcdiate points. - 80 NSS 49,
Arrive at Bellalre at Dos q. m. and GOO +. m
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1887-03-07

offended her. and when abe went homo
ahe complained. Mamma, that's not a
good school | don't think III like to stay
there" "WhyW "Thers are boys md
girls MI together there; It isn't pleasant"
my dear, try 1t little, anyway"
humor. "Do you like the echool any bot.
ter?" ooh, yes, mamma; the teacher has
pnt the loveliest little boy next to me; he's
q lovely little boy; I think l shall like the
school," The third day she came home
in the widest Of spirits, beaming oil over.
20, mamma! I know all tho boys In the
school now" This Is n OF thosc rad
stories that good mothers like to read, 80
! am told, and I've no reason to doubt 1t.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1887-03-07
She Learned to Like tho School,

San Faneiseo Chronicle.
She goes to school and she belongs to an
educational family Of prominence, who
havo lately moved from San Francleco for
official convenience; so abe has had to 20
to a new school. The first day she found
that, contrary 10 her experience, boys and
girls were together in this school. That
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1887-03-07
a Friendly Hint.

Woman sutIragist-"Oh! dear! it is too
bad we have Loaf our cause again, and
yet there was . large delegation OF us
down at Washington" Omaha Man
Give it up, don't you? "Indeed we
don't; We are going to advocate tho cleo
ton OF young men TO Congress-" "Tl
tell you a better plan than that" "Oh!
pleRso do" "Iuatead OF going to Wash
lnston yourselves send your daughters"
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1887-03-07

Two Young Women nnd Two Young Licutcn
nnty, mud What Happoped, p
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1887-03-07
Tho Wonderful Healing Properties Of Oar,
bys Prnphylactlc fluid. +

Wherever q preventing, healing, cleans
ing and deodosizing injection or wash is
required use Darbya Prophylactic Fluid,
ANY inilamed surface, external or inter-
nal, treated with tho Fluid will be quickly
relieved. It has effected curea that had
resisted tho best medical skill. Nwraw
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1887-03-07

Count Tolatoi, the Russian novelist, can
mako. 9 pair Of ahoes as well as he can
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1887-12-08
Mcchanic4toWn, Md,
December 9th, 1887

On Thursday the lst day
of the present month, there was an enjoyable
time at the L b. parsonage, in this place.
Ii being my birthday, was thinking over
the past in my life; IT'D brevity its stormy
scenes and that part of the Sacred A!ithmc-
TIC which, if carefully stnded, will enable Us
50 to number our days that we may apply
| had reached the conclusion, that it is not
the number Of years we live, but how We
spend them, crowd took possession of the
parsonage.
They were not burglars, neither were they
tramps, although some of them came a con
siderable distance, but they were friends
They brought turkeys, chickens cakes, sc,
and prepared sumptuous supper and on be-
ingscated at the tablet found under my
IA pocket book containing that which is said
plate, to answer all things
Supper being ended, | tried to make
a short address, but. Mr.. Editor, | never
could make speeches at receptions and for
this reason, and some others which.I do not
wish to make public, would never make a
President.
And now as the years go by, my mind
will always revert my forty.frst birthday
az brgh, spot in the journey of life and l
shall always find warm place in my heart
for the friends who en,ieavored to make me
believe that had not outiyed my usefulness
G j. RoUDABUslI.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1887-12-08

The following books are published In neat pamp
paper and many OF them handsomely illustrated. Ih
she'd any land or language, and furnish 10 the III
Literature ct the day at the most trihlnE expense
times the price at which they are here otered Each
" opder- of the " o-ld, NATURAL AND OTHER. Com
works Very interesting and instructive
ondcrs Of the sea- description OF the many wonder
f An beautiful things found At the bottom pt the with
trotIse tratOns
"a Pleasure E1ertlon, and Other Sketches: BY
JuSI.n ALLE&a WIPE" collection o rrrssbIy funny
the popular humorous writer Of the day
The Aunt Il rzinh Papers by CLARA ArdrsT.. author
o. " The DocUuers most ridiculouBIy funny book
In ev"ry way cqun! to widow Feiou'
Chrtrtwnr Sturies. by CnARLHs ptCEp$s. Contains
Christmas stories ever written
greatest ever lived. Each one rcOmprc
Round the Evening Lamp book OF storieB, pictures,
pn2lirs and games for tie little 'dk- at home.
Popular Recitations and Dialogues humorous, drama
The self.mndc Men of Modern Times Contains E.oi-
trns An! hr"s Of famous sc!ihadc AneIicans from the
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Familiar Quotations. Containing IN" origin anil author
frequently met IN reading ana
h.n. Valuable work OF reference ... .
Low Life In New York. series cf vivid pen pictures
show ing the dark aid" Of Life In the great city ItSrded
The Road to Wealth. Not an advertising circular,
which all may make money easily, rapidly and honestly
One Hundred Popular Songs sentimental pathetic
ana comic including m".t OF the arorttes new and old
Sir Nuel's Heir. Novel. by Mrs MAY AoSEs FLEnis5
A Bnrtcred 1ift. ANoyel. BY MARioS HARLASn.
An Old Mans Sacrifice. A Novel. by Mrs. ANN 8.
erEpHgSs.
rS-we will send any tour Of the above books by ma
aS Cents ;any @nty fi~ for so Cents the entire list
with cloth back for &1 10 Thss the greatest bargain
satisfaction guaranteed or MONEY refunded Postage stan
We refer to any newspaper published in New York IL
.eturn mail. Address all letters F. NJ. LCPTON
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1887-12-08
San Francisco Letter.

Coming out the smoke would float an or
binary sized man if he would only let go the
railing. We went into a provision store, up
a fight of stars, and found ourselves in the
kitchen of the finest Chinese restura mt in the
city. Here hung whole roast hog, that
was brown as Gerry and really look ed nice.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1887-12-08

NEW PA1NT.-l'hc front Of the Gil1s
Building has been repaintcd The glass
Cont Dr. J. Il. Waters drug store, presents
A very attractive appearance.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1887-12-08

Miss Rhoda Simons OF New Jersey and
Miss ENa Koon,z Of Tapcytown Nd. are
visiting friends here, stopping with Mr., *
Mrs. VIM. 10y.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1887-12-08

RGhGIous.-P Preaching at til" NJ. L
Church Mrcnanics,own, Dee, II, at 10, a. N,
Sacgumen, oftAe Lords Supper after preach
ing. All are cordially invited
q E,it p.gtn-