Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1887-11-07
A man never gets too old to learn or to

a man never gets too old to learn or to
make a fool of himself.
1t takes a clever man to conceal from
others what he doesn't know.
Love may laugh at locksmiths, but it
knows better than to fool with the dog.
Some men find fault because they are
never lucky enough to find anything else.
Some men would think they were cheat
ed if they had the mumps lighter than
their neighbor.
The anarchists don't like American
laws, but they will get the hang of them
after awhile.
First little girl-My father is an editor,
what does yours do? Second little girl
Whatever mamma tells him.
A correspondent wants US to tell him
(which is the proper attitude for fish
erman, standing or sitting?" Neither in
nocent one; lying is the only position in
which he feels entirely at home.
Sunday school teacher (after reading
the parable of the loaves and fshes) Do
you know, Robert, who wrote that story?
Robert (grinning): No, but it sounds
great deal like my dad.
Jennie" said a young lady, turning
away from the mirror and addressing
companion, ''what would you do if you
had a moustache on your lip?" ''If [ liked
him would keep quiet" was the demure
reply.
A lady had lost her husband, and she
was surrounded by friends who were try
ing all they knew how to console her
ssAlas y she exclaimed bursting into a
fresh burst of tears, eff 1 were only pref
tv it would not be so bad"
A Chicago hopeful who was versed in
the mysteries of the drama, being asked
to call his papa to tea, went within hear
ing of the loved but lingering sire, and
exclaimed: ''What no! base craven,
come hither to thy vesperian hash"
Her father-Young man, l do not object
to your calling occasionally on my daugh-
ter, but you mustn't stay so late. 1t was
IL O'Clock last night before you got away.
Young man-''Got away" is very good, sir
l had to either stay or get my coat torn.
Furniture dealer Ito elderly maiden) /:
And there is another advantage, ma'am,
which the folding bed has over the ordin-
ary kind. Elderly maiden: What is that,
sir? Furniture dealer You don't have 10
look under it to see if there is man
there.
"Witness," said a lawyer in police
court the other day, ''you speak of Mr..
Smith being well of. Is he worth S3OOoE
uNo sab. . 1.-TWO thousand?" mo sab;
he han't WORT % cents" Then how is he
well off, ..Got wife who sports de
hull family sab.
When President Bartlett entered the
old chapel of Dartmouth college, the 18th,
to preside over the senior forensics be
fore the college, he found full-blooded
jackass tied to the pulpit After the
laughter and cheering subsided, President
Bartlett came forward and said Il per-
ceive some of you have lost brother.
Then he ordered the exercises to proceed
and the donkey was an honored guest
during the exercises
A Boston physician tells OF case of
an attack of hay fever that was arrested
by patient breaking his leg. Hay-fever
victims who go several hundred miles
from home to escape the disease should
cut this out and paste it on their handker-
chiefs If breaking a leg should fail to
effect cure in some cases, breaking the
neck would be certain TO go right to the
spot Beware of limitations.