Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1887-08-31

An act to amend-sewing buttona

An act to amend-sewing buttonA
A SPANKING team-a pair Of vel
nurses.
DIVORCE is the safety valve Of
marriage.
WHEN Furnishing q child never strike
it above the belt.
CONVICTION is the conscience of the
mind" and an abstraction Of q jury.
One Of the anomalies Of life is the
usurer he exacts interest from principal.
The reason figures won't lie is be.
cause they always stand for something.
Ir Q vixenish wife ever takes back
her words, it is in order that she may
use them again with redoubled effeck-
Tecas Siftimgs.
LAWYERS used to be known as men Of
the robe. Many of them are men Of
the robe still with the Q omitted
Teas Siftings.
SCENE: Grammar class. Dialogue
between teacher and Johnnie. Teacher
"What is the future of he drinks 2"
Johnnie: He is drunk"
'BR1DaEr. did You get the flowers
that I am to YEA tonight in my hair ?"
Eyes, nm, but -" "But what ?"
'I've mislaid the hair, mum"
SOME very old dinner customs still
survive. The Romans used to recline
at their banquets, and the habit of lying
at public dinners still prevails.
"WHAT is a paradox" asked the
professor of his college class, and the
brightest student of them all stood up
and answered: "a woman trying to play
whist"
Mrs. BRowN-How elegantly that
dress fits you! What a pity the material
is so cheapl Mrs. Jones-The goods
in your dress are really superb. What
o pity it doesn't fit you!-Harper's
Bazaar.
20, ELLA" said Clara, II think
Lily and her beau have quarreled."
"Why," replied Ella, what makes you
think 500" "Well, her parlor has been
brilliantly lit every evening lately
Ne1c York San.
HARK! What's that? That? That's
q brass band. What are they out for
tonight, I wonder? Out to get the air,
of course. And, by the way, I should
think from the sound that they hadn't
found it yet.-Lo,SeU Citizen.
A GENTLEMAN at table being requested
to carve q dish before him, which
CHANGED to be a loin Of mutton, took up
the carving knife, asking: "Shall l cut
it saddlewise? ?" 'You had better cut it
b%ridlewise," replied one of the guests.
'for then vi all may get q bit in our
mouths.
The boy said he thought his parents
intended to move, but he had not heard
anything said about it. He was asked
for the a of his opinion, and replied
that he had noticed that his father had
begun to empty his ashes upon the
cellar floor. and they generally moved
soon after that.
SrUMPs. the farmer, has married q
city girl who is trying to learn country
ways. She has heard her husband say
that he must buy . dog and responds /:
"Oh, yes, do, Chawles, buy q setter
dog. He can be q watch dog at night
and set on eggs all day; for I can't
iuAho tuo uenS Set, tuOuSu V0 ueIQ
'em an hour at q time"
ADVANTAGE OF THE SEX.
"You men are SO lucky, q fair maiden said,
Discussing the question OF dress;
Your ne'er burdened with petticoats, ~corsets.
or shawls.
Which to us are a source Of distress"
"Yes. l know" said the youth, who waiting had
been
An argument ready to seize;
What you've said is all true, yet there's one
point you miss
Your pants never bag ut the knees"
Champion City Times.
The village Of Podunk-on-the-S Seine
was in q white heat of excitement A
terrible crime had been committed.
One of the Oldest inhabitants. Pierre
Magruder, by profession q spring poet,
had been found dead in his bed. All
the evidence pointed to the fact that he
had breathed his last. O'Hooligan, the
detective, had been summoned from
Paree. "Ah," he muttered, as he
glanced over the rejected MS. on the
table, 'there o be no doubt the village
editor was the assassin; and, truly, the
provocation was great"-Tid-Bits