The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1887-07-28
Meaningless Titles.

When this republic was founded ono
relic Of it's old monarchical allegiance
was preserved, namely; a use OF hon.
orary titles. We no longer had a
Majesty to bow to, 80 we received an
Excellency. There We're mo- Serene
Hlghnesses to whom ono could pay
court; no Most MOBILES and High
Mighties and Eordships and Lady.
ships to compose an aristocracy
which should patronize the remain.
der OF the commonwealth, so we lump
ed our superior beings Under the gen.
eral head of honorables. The use Of
these titles has generated into abuse,
and the principle OF giving aristocratio
handles to the names of our plebeians
il inconsistent with the idea OF abso-
lutte equality. Jerry McGuf1. for IN
stance, gets into the legislature. 1t
will not do to inquire too closely
how he does it, but he gets there. He
is mixed up in all the deals; the jobs;
the swindles that he can get into; he
is criminal, unintelligent, and incapa.
bic; it is at @ cost OF public honor and
public money that he keeps his place.
Well, what then? AT the end OF q
year he returns to his ward with n,on-
ey enough to start a liquor saloon,
and he is "the honorable Jerry Nc
Cuff from that time forth. His next
door neighbor, his superior mentally
and morally, goes to his grave as plain
John Smith, known to his friends as
John, to his boss as Smith, and is not
so much as q Mister term devoid
OF present meaning, though a corrup-
ton of the "Master" that implied
adult condition and capacity in pro.
fession OF trade. The "Honorables'
OF New York city, could they be col
lected and exhibited, would be found
to include SO many dishonorable peo-
pie that suspicion would rest on al
most any man who should urge it's
usage for himself. Esquire is anoth.
er tag appended to the names oil
many who have not earned it.
But the acme of titular exploita.
ton is reached in our benefit societies.
10 read the names Of the reception
committee at a dance of the Com.
bined Brotherhood of Mutual Honey.
fuglers, or OF vice-presidents at q
twenty-five cent concert given under
the auspices Of the Protective Benefi.
cial Order of Latchkey Owners, would
lead one to suppose that when one OIL
these favored gentlemen landed at
Fulton Ferry the twenty-sixth ward
would tip up. Solomon in all his
glory was never the owner of so many
names. 1t is nothing unusual for q
small shopkeeper who is called "Hullo
schmitzenberger," in the day. time
to bloom forth in the night with red
and green ribbons and blue rosettes
and gold badges on him, clutching q
scepter of power and welding it owe,
a group Of abject initiates who are
taught to address him as the Most
Sublime and Right Worthy Ruler
How he can endure to continue ir
the grocery business otter q night
OF such exaltation is not to be thought
out. The little dry goods clerk who
doesn't dare to ask his landlady 70,
a second plate of hash, or his employ
er for an afternoon off, lords it over
sixteen or eighteen subjects on lodge
night and is called Supreme Dictator
| When one OF these societies meets il
the evening in a 20 x Is temple on tn.
fourth floor above q hardware shop
The Past Grand Lord OF the Dool
Knob announces that there are ne
| spies or trail tors in the house, tn
password "Rat!" is solemnly :whis
pered by each in turn to the Most No
bic Custodian of Secret Signi6cances
the names are called by the Crane
Master Of the Rolls, The Most Excel
lent First Solicitor of Dues reports tt
The Most Exalted and Puissant Au
| tocrat that there is q deficit of sits
and that the landlord wants his rent
the lodge authorizes The Most Excel
lent First Solicitor OF Dues to maxi
up the deficit, the Very Noble ane
Superior Third assistant Autocrat il
called on for some remark
on the rise and growth ant
beauties OF the order; then,
there are no candidates to have ful
with, the lodge goes down the stree
and the Worthless and Excellencie
and Supremacies and Exaltednesse
and Puissances play poker and drinl
beer with the common herd with a,
affecting graciousness. Commonly
the people who consent to wear thes
names are full grown and possess al
average share OF wit. yet their parad
of titles is exactly akin to the wearing
! OF paper epaulets and wooden sword
by children. 1t is piece ofpoor, sill,
vanity, delight in empty sound,
tolerance OF disparities chat Is ridfcu
lous. If these names were the inven
ton Of little boys or OF people O
manned intellects, they would be ap
propriately parented, but they ar
reputed to come from reasoning mel
and custom has sanctioned their per
petuity. Many OF these societies ar
maintained for a worthy purpose an
do a great deal OF good, but for tn
chairman, secretary, treasurer, ant
doorkeeper to give themselves title
bigger than those of Oriental despot
Is the height of the absurd. Verba
decorations of that sort are so chea]
that right thinking men are ashame,
to wear them.-Brooklyn Eagle.
Battle of Waterloo.