Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-07-14
SQUIBS.

handle the luggage of star actor that he
realizes the force of Hamlet's remark
about Yorick-a fellow of infinite chest
A country editor says: "An interesting
article entitled, The Soul After Death,
and What Becomes of It. is crowded out
this week to make room cor more port
ant matter"
The aerolite that fell in Indiana the
| other day is said to weigh two tons.
When the American people shall build
monument to their liars. it will be formed
exclusively of two-ton Indiana aerolites.
What wonders of anomaly
Our varied occupations give!
The draper may both live to dye.
AS well as we may dye to live.
In a Carson, Nevada, saloon recently
two miners entered upon water drink
ing contest on a wager of $50. One of
them managed to swallow glass or two
and then became i'll. 1t is never safe to
break in too suddenly on established
habits.
PHYSICIAN says: eff child does not
thrive On fresh milk, boil it, He does not
state how long the child should be boiled.
We should think there would be danger o.
boiling too long.
Mother, what is an angelT
"My dear, it is a little girl with wings
who fies.'
but heard papa telling the governess
yesterday that she was an angel. Will she
fly"
eyes, my dear, she will fly away the
first thing tomorrow"
FRANKIE(age FOUR: "Mamma, lady at
school kissed me to day."
Mamma; "Did she, dear? hoped you
kissed her back?''
Frankie(very indignantly):" No, I didn't
I kissed her cheek!'
"Why do yon set your cup Of coffee on
the chair, Mr.. Jones?" asked a landlady
of fashionable boarding house. ut is so
very weak, Madam, was the reply, shat I
| thought would let it rest"
Customerin restaurant)- Waiter, this
chicken has feathers in it.
Waiter-Yes, sab. If yo' want soup
made outer chicken dat am old 'nough to
be bald, sab, yo1l have to go to some cd
| der establishment.
81 never argY again success" said
| Artemus Ward. "When [ see rattle
snaix's he'd sticking out of a hole, bear
off to the left, and says to myself, that
nOl6 belongs TO Gndt SndlX.
A talented pianist, Nine. de We're -,
sitting at dinner by the side of Colonel
| Rammellot, asked him in an AMIGA d g
tone: "Celonel are you very fond of
music?" Madame" replied the warrior,
rolling his eyes savagely, ~ am not afraid
of it,
"My dear, why are the eggs always hard
at breakfast now?" asked Mr.. Snaggs.
| 'They must be eggs of the new her" y
replied Mrs. Snaggs, ohoughtfully." Tine
new lens! Why should their eggs be
hard?" 'They are Plymouth Rocks, you
| know"
"Mae gie," he said to the hand painte
waitress at the Catskill Hotel. maggie,
you may bring me some roast beef and
"Miss Margaret Bangs is my name, sir,
she replied, and people call me Miss
Bangs. I may bring your roast beef,
may 1? Well. I'll tell the lady who waits
on this table,"
| Where boarded out last Summer,
| In New Jersey, each new conner
Was promised by the landlord he'd find
| lively company;
And 1 met there Mr.. Culex,
Mr.. Climax, Mr.. Pulex-
| Which means only the mosq uito,
/ And the bedbug, and the flea.
It reads a trife paradoxical to see a
cargo of salt cod noticed under the head
of fresh arrivals.
Many Englishmen are wondering why
| Buffalo Bill has never been elected TO the
American Presidency.
"Rave you heard of the LADY who is di-
viding the Presidents attention with
Mrs. Cieveland?" asked Mr.. McSwilligen ??
Gracious, no!' replied his wife. ''Who
is she?" ''Sara Naclake."
! If a law were passed, remarks the To-
ronto Telegram, requiring all citizens to
wear white plug hats on the occasion of
every mass meeting or gathering at
which people are liable to become excited
there would be no need of police. Men
with plug hats never begin row.
Remember thai the stuff you drink
Upon the OUTSIDE shows,
! So always let your intellect
| Shine brighter than your nose.
A man may chin
| And man may work
For the temperance cause all day,
But he can't go a-fishiDg
| And observe prohibition,
! Because he amt built that way.
Those mels ncholy days have come
That make men 8 collars melt
And they ii likely linger round awhile
! To make their influence felt,
| That's why we feet the proper thing
| Would be to go tobogganiHg.
Partly.-Mrs. Buckram-"How's dat
baby OBJ you'n? Yo' wife was a-sayin'
tudder day ez how she hadn't named it
yit. Recon she call it after yo', of course?"
| Mr.. Hodge Crabtree-"Waal, nom Only
| patty. She goin' call i'm WilIyum Crab
tree. Willyum srter her brudder Bill,
| and Crabtree arter me.'
Men always make better whist players
then women" says the Fall River Ad-
| vance, "because man can hold q good
hand and his tongue" And yet we'd
rather lose the odd trick with pretty
girl for partner than win by hono7s
and cards with wooden-headed picture
of morose silence as our yis-a-vis.