West Virginia Democrat. [volume] (Charles Town, W. Va.) 1885-1890, 1887-03-11
BILL NYE's WILL.

tated letter. The thoughts are mine
but the penmanship is that of man
Beasley who is. doing the chores for
us this winter. My reason for hir-
ing private secretary is that last
Tuesday the strawberry blonde
Snote slnmped through a hole in
the ice, and in striving to rescue
him from watery grave l fell and
broke one of my legs just above the
fetlock.
Kind friends came from every
where to ask me if it hurt much, and
in thousand different ways showed
their gentle desire to draw me into
spirited conversation. A doctor
came down from the Isanitarium to
set my leg, and tied his horse to a
little sugar-maple tree that set out
last spring. When he puts in his
bill for medical attendance he will
be surprised to find an Offset Of 80
cents for that tree. l may be slightly
crippled, but you can announce in
your valuable paper that there are
no flies on me to speak of.
While spread out here with moth
ing to do my mind has been quite
active, and l have had drawn off for
me the following outlines of will,
which / send you inclosed herewith.
please read and return" as it says
on the Bible rack on board the cars:
Know all men by these presents,
that 1, the subscriber, being of
sound mind and realizing that l am
now under the doctors care, and
therefore may be swept into eternity
any moment, do hereby make, exc
cute and publish this my last will
and testament firmly by these pre-
sents:
1st. / hereby appoint my beloved
wife, Henriette, to be my sole execu-
trix, assignee and receiver of my en-
tire estate, with full powers to pay
taxes on said estate forever, and to
have and hold the same so long as
grass grows and water runs, togeth-
er with such other and further relief
as the Court may adjudge.
2nd. / hereby request that there
horse, Napoleon, bc sold and the pro-
ceeds thereof used towards defray
ing my funeral expenses, provided
that the sum of $25 therefrom he set
aside for the purpose of maintaining
Il large, aggressive bulldog, whose
duty it shall be to monkey DER my
lowly grave until my dust shall be
Of no use to science 1t is my de-
sire that my eXecutriy shall SO main
tain said bulldog hereinbefOre set
forth in order that pimply young
medical students may not make too
free with ali that is mortal OF SUI
perior man. Il is my special desire
that no part of my economy shall
contribute in any way To science or
To the amusement Of class of sore
eyed goslings who cannot get near
enough to live man 10 operate on
him.
| desire To state also that hope
whatever may be odd or eccentric or
abnormal about my formation may
be generously allowed to pull obliv
ion over itself and fade away. l 10
not wish to be perpetuated in the
form of II fatty tumor orosseous for
nation. Let my good deeds be my
only monument. Let the post NOR
TEN in my case be omitted, and the
time be taken up in some other way.
request also that at my funeral
the free list be suspended and that
those only who have "A personal in
terest in the proceeding be permit
ted to take part. Persons who make
the funeral industry business nr
RELY upon it rs Il means Of relaxation
are requested to abstain from my fu-
neral as personal favor to me.
/ give and bequeath, make over
and present to my beloved wife, Hen
riette, all and singular, my zeal and
personal property aside from said
horse, Napoleon, heretofore enumer-
ated and set aside for funeral pnr-
poses, to have and to hold all said
property during her lifetime, and
after that the said real and personal
property to pass to my beloved son,
Henry, who is engaged in publishing
a paper at 50 year. To said be-
loved son Henry l also bequeath all
nv wardrobe. l have worn out his
old lawn tennis and polo clothes
while he was attending college, using
his boating and baseball suits for
underclothing during the winter,and
now that am about to pass son leave
my own underclothing 10 him as O
slight testimonial of my appreciation
for his kindness to me when had nc
polo suit of my own. / also direct
that an obituary, consisting OF forty
lines, relative to me be printed in
my sons paper, eod6t, at ten cents
per line, to follow pure reading mat
ter, for which the sum of $24 will be
found in an old sock in my escretoire
in the barnc. / do not care Tor tllt
! obituary, but desire 49, f1
esfE, |iRx 1900