Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1887-05-05
TONsORIAL POINTERS.
Mr.. Whangdoodle Raxter Has Some-
thing to Say About BARRIERS.

thing to Say About BARRIERS.
De subiec, OBJ dis Clemens discourse
am BARRIERS. / has selected dis sub
iect bekase de cullud race am much
addicte' ter barberism, not only in dis
kentry but likewise in Africa.
/ has heered heap OBJ references
ter illusions in regard ter BARRIERS, dat
talks too much and so forth, and am
sorry ter say wild humileashun dat
dar am good grounds for hit.
Howsumeeber, dar's, no danger ob
de barber shops goin' outer de bizness
SO long as the wimin folks cnts dar
cornswid dar husband Is best razor. Dis
and de fact dat aberage woman can be
convinced dat bit don't spile razor
ter eharpan hit on butchers razor.
Some barber's am too high-toned
ter call demsefs BARRIERS. / knowed
one who called hissefa tonsilorious
artis, physignominical har dresser car
mum manipilater, capillery, abridgerD
and professor OBJ crinecultural abcis-
sion. He was one oh de orney bar
bers, anb de customers what got inter
his hans got hissef inter a..bad scrape,
and no mistake. has heered BARRIERS
was surgins, originally and dis sort OF
BARRIERS am surgins yet. Keep way
from 'em.
Talk in about barpers bein' surgins,
de barber shop am not the only place
whar people get skinned alive. Some
time hit hurts noah to get shaved in
brokers' Office, den hit does in bar
ber's chair.
De beautiful poick who said 'deftten-
est place for tel. man dye am whar he
dyes for man. must have had a barber
shop in his head when he writ dem
solemn lines. de Isles of Greece L
has heered so much about, wasn't dey
in barber shop Some folks don't
preibiate de literary labors oh de bar.
bers. Dis heah head-work takes
brains, you jes bet hit does.
Men, and specially boys, like ter be
shaved. Shaving boy am like re-
ducin' expenses, for yer has ter cut
down. Heah heah heah / had
a young freaten ter sue me for dam
ages. He said, cut off bis merstache.
I tole him / didn't see bit, and den he
got so mad be wanted ter kill me. He
couldn' be persuaded dat his whiskers
wasn't ripe yet.
De talk what BARRIERS glib dar Gus.
ers don't do no turt. Dey nebber
really says muffin When a barber
talks to acustomer, and am sociable-
like, he don't mean muffin 'cept dat he
wants ter scrape an acquaintance.
OATS oil, / has heered tell dat de
reason dat we dom heah muffin more
about de phonograf am bekase hit
wentinter barber-shop and was talk
ed ter death, but / don't believe hit.
Hits simply consult ter de barberous
perfeshun.
Most men will stand clip on de
head from a barber. and dey don't lose
dar temper eff de barber pulls dar nose
besides. Dey wouldn It take dat from
nobody else 'ceptin' a barber. Before
l tuck ter lecturin' I was tonsorial
artis mysef. l once tole a man wild
mightylittle har on hisheaddathe need
ed bottle OBJ my Magic Har Restorer
and Electrcisl Elixir, but he shuck his
head very solum-like and said dat hit
wasn't har restorer so much as hit was
a divorce what he needed. I guess
arter all heknowed best what he want
ed.
I also heered dat in Chicago you
could see wimen at thepolls, dat dar
was lots ob female BARRIERS. Hit strikes
me dis move am shear nensense. and
muffin else.
When l was tonsorial artis had
more change in my pocketden 1 has
had sence has been on de lecture plat.
form. Uncle Nose, please pass de hat.
-Teras Siftings.