Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1887-06-10
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.

Advertisers who are still booming
"spring openings" ought to wake up and
let people know that they are alive.
Was Mr. Blaine ever a journeyman
printer? If so, it is very appropriate that
he should sail in the steamship Ems.
An exchange AYERS that Mrs. Cleveland
threw kiss to the newspaper correspond
ents when she left Washington. How
the boys divided it up we don't know. If
Joe Howard had been there, there
wouldn't have been any need of divis-
ion.
The Washington critic says that a large
number of crows have taken up their hab-
itation in the vicinity of the White House.
Mr.. Cleveland won't have to 90 far gun
nlng for his pie in 1888.
So Tennyson is going TO write an ode to
Buffalo Bill : Well if Bats baby could
stand it, we guess Bill can. He's pretty
tough.
Georgia cats are to be taxed 10 cents a
head. The New York sun ought to start
subscription to save the lives of the
felines.
In California they wear thimbles while
eating grapes. This is not because they
are so awful busy but because they
hate to have their little fingers get stain
ed.
In Trumbull county, Ohio, the churches
have "crazy sociables" Coffee is served
with straw and biscuits are broken open
with hammers Admission free,
but it costs like Sam Hill to get out.
~,
Mrs. Cleveland, Mrs. Folsom has been
cleaning house for them. She thought
she couldn't stand the hard work of going
into the mountains.
The editor of a Connecticut paper is
advertising for the gentleman who stepped
into the sanctum and carried off silver
handled umbrella. Probably shocked the
"gentlemans" sense of propriety to see
such an article in such place.
1t is better to rise with the lark than
with the bent pin.
Here's an anomaly. A ballet master
says that Chicago girls are the best dancers
in America
The Princess Louise thinks that Buffalo
Bill is the handsomest man she has ever
that Annie Oakley is little daisy. So it
goes.
Some physician has just discovered that
pneumonia is more apt to attack bald
headed man than one who has heavy hair.
The bald headed man should always 90
armed-with chest-protector.
A tornado struck Idana, Kan, and car
ried off the school house. The saloon
crouched down under the sidewalk and
escaped.
The emperor of Japan has been making
tour of the chief cities of his kingdom.
He thinks it is about time they were hav-
ing an execution somewhere.
Lord Lansdownes full name with titles
is as follows Henry Charles Keith
Petty Fitzmaurce, Marquis of Lans-
downe; Earl Wycombe, Chipping Wy
combe, Buckinghamshire Viscount Calne
and GLADSTONE, Wiltshire Ear of Kerry :;
Earl of Shelburne Niscount Clanmaurice
and Fitzmaurice, LXnaw and Dunkeron. p"
1t is said that he makes short work of an
autograph album.
II hear that Bigsby is going to retire
from business"
"Yes-so he says"
'Humph he don't need to. He's retired
enough now"
How so ?"
why, the man doesn't advertise"
1t is bad enough to be dude, but it's a
blamed sight worse to have to associate
with one.
Pierre Lorillard, the proprietor of
Tuxedo Park, DEGREES that no actress shall
be received within its sacred precincts,
and is much exercised because Mrs James
Brown Potter has secured cottage there.
Cheer up, Pierre. Mrs. Brown Potter is
no actress at all
Self possession in a young woman is
well enough for while but she shouldn't
keep it up too lOng--Puck.
An exchange says that Mark Twain and
Mr.. Howells walk around New York with
their arms lovingly locked. This is prob
ably done to keep them from writing in
the streets.-LitG.
Journalistic expressions are becoming
so conventional and stereotyped in their
character that we may expect to soon Sc.
it recorded that Mr.. Blank has accepted
a position" as husband to the charming
Miss Dash.-LOlOell Citizcn.
II near Miss Brown wants the post
Office" remarked Tompkins. Indeed, u
said Brown. "Of course the salary isn't
large, but it will help her some, sup
pose" Yes" said Mr.. Brown, land there
are postal cards. TOO. "-PittSburO DeS
! patch.
CHASTITY RHYME,
| Somewhere in desolate wind. swept spe8e,
| Mid darksome shadows teeting,
| Two punsters' ghoss met face to face.
| And gave each other greeting.
They ioked and gripned long while there,
| AS even spoobs will do.
Until there sounded through the air
| A cock doodle-doO.
! Ghost thou to bed ~ cried one agape
| As grave MS any rector,
1.-The summons sounds quoth t'other shap
And so, of course, spectre y
c, NJ. THOMPSON.
AS the milk gets poorer the milkmal
gets richer. It's true without being
paradox. Philadelphia eau.
A Minneapolis man has invented dus
collector. Jay Gould invented one year
ago-NeD HGUCn NeDS.
We frequently see paragraphs to tn
Lob, r,,.{t Ia.