Western cyclone., 1887-03-24
WIT AND HUMOR.

down was chestnut.-NeU York 1ri-
ba1ae.
There is nothing so sightless as the
official eye of policeman that has
been closed by drink.-Nea0 Orleans
RcGyatne.
A western lecturer has selected for
his subject "a Bad Egg" This sub
ject often strikes a lecturer unfavor
ably.--NorriStOaO1 Herald.
Doodle may indeed be derived from
the Dutch, but the general impression
is that it is taken from the pockets of
the people. Philadelphia Item.
In the Alps: Guide-f the ladies
will only stop talking your honor may
hear the roaring of the waterfall
across the valley!-Fltegende Blatter.
He-Dese heah kears am mighty
dangerous, and hits mostly de las kear
what's smashed up. She-Why don't
dey leave off de las kear den?-Teras
Sittimgs.
Wife Cat supper)-What very dis
agreeable old gossip Mrs. Hendricks is.
Husband-Have you seen her latelyP
Wife-Yes, ! spent the entire day
there.-New York San.
What! you say that Herr Schmidle,
the merchant, has gone blind? Here's
pretty how dye do-I've got a bill
on the man which is made out payable
at sight! "-DoTbGr6ier.
Mr.. Clay-Proud ter see yo', Miss
Daisy. Been terbogginnin' any dis
wintah? Miss Mould-Nah; only once.
Dat yer Mr.. Laffiy squoze NAH 50 A,.rd
he done bruk fob ribs. Mr.. Clay /
'spise hog!-Pmck.
Mrs. Clashed-My rubber is coming
of, Edward, and Mr.. Clashed
thinking of something else)-If it's
any evening this week you can't count
on me. I'm booked for poker every
night. IEd-BidS.
Mrs. Parvenue Indicating a paint
ing of the Madonna-Whose picture is
that, sirP Dealer-Raphaers, madam
Mrs. Parvenue (surprised)- Are you
sure? | have always supposed that
II understand, Clara, that your old
beau, Smythe, is going to marry Miss
Robinson" said Ella. ''Girls often do
that when they intend to go house
keeping" ''Do whatP" "Why, take
a fiat. '-New York Sun.
He-Olga, let us forget our little
quarrel of Yesterday. See here, have
bought you small bracelet She
Monsieur, after your rude behavior
yesterday had expected something
more Observation-Disclosures.
The Romans Journal tells about q
''womanly woman in Lowell who is
making an honorable living lis a
woman milkman." But she must
water her milk or she would be called
a milk-woman.-NeW HaUen Nea0S.
It is announced there will be no
Wagner festival at Bayreuth this year.
An immense boiler foundry will COM
mence operations shortly at Bayreuth,
so the Wagnerites there will not feel
lonesome. -N0rTistOaOn Herald.
Angry customer-Say, see here, Mr..
Scales. I found whole lot of sand in
that last barrel of sugar you sent me.
Placid grocer-Did you, indeedP Dear
me! And what did you expect to tindP
Gold quartzP-Somerville Journal.
It won't be long now until the poor,
oppressed husband will have blisters
on his hands from holding on to a fish
ing-pole, while his tyrannical wife will
be staying at home having fun with
the spade in the garden.-W Washington
Critic.
"Those two young men seem insep-
understanding after the fashion of
Damon and Pythias. Who are theyP"
They are Johnson and Jackson, two
Of the most dissipated fellows in the
city," "Ah, / see. Fast friends. -
Ptts6strg Dispatch.
Tramp-Say, sis! is your pop editor
O. the Bungtown Clarion? Sis-That's
what they call him in these parts.
Tramp-Well, JUS ask him if he don't
want to hire an experienced man jest
off New York daily to swear to the
circulation.-Judge.
Miss Frances Willard has published
a book entitled "How to Win" II
Miss Willard has learned that secret
we should think she could make much
more money playing cards on White
Star steamer than delivering lectures.
--Nes0 York Graphic.
Husband Cat the end of the first act)
-Shan't / go out and get you some
caramels, dearp Wife, brought some
with ME. Husband-Why will you
always MUNICH candy between the acts?
When you get through munching III
come back.-Ne,O Hdren Nc,CS
LEND me tennah, links" what
fawP" why to spend, of cawse."
"Haw, | guess not. l can spend it
just as well, meself." LEND it to me
to keep. then" IF l lent it to you it
would be to keep. deah boy. Awsk me