The Sunday morning news. [volume] (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1886-1891, 1887-06-05
FUN.
A New Jersey man has named his trotter
"Spring Chicken" That's turf.

New Jersey man has named his trotters
"Spring Chicken" That's turf.
Wai'ress-s'Glass of beer, sir?'-Direr-
mot till 1 have finished this steak. First
labor, then pleasure.
A gorgeous funeral IS the only imposino
procession in which the man most inter.
ested takes no interest whatever.
An exchange saws that this is a s.JournaI-
istic period" We have noticed that a
great many journals have come to q full
stop recently.
The editorial association of Missouri baz
met and solemnly resolved that it viii
take no more railroad pssies. It will take
no more for the same reason that an ele-
plant will not climb tree.
Soft-headed old lady when she heard
the story and assisted applicant -"Dear
mel All, poor mani You must indeed have
gone through dreadful trials" Tramp
Il b'lieve yer, muml-An' what's WIS.
mum, was afays convicted
Two large Chicago firms of barbsd wire
manu- acturers have been bankrupted bv
the Interstate Commerce law. 1t is soma
satisfaction to know tkat there is some.
thing that can run against the barbed wire
nuisance without getting huIt.
If somebody will rise and explain how It
happens that flannel shirt viii stupidly
persist in creeping up about fellow
neck, while his socks as perverselv festoon
themselves around his shoe tops, he may
not achieve Immortality, but he will de-
serve to do so.
Young Wife-John, dear. have YOU de-
eided what name to give our dear, precious.
sweet, little baby? Young Husband
Yes; l have tonnd very appropriate one.
Young Wife-What is il? Young Husband
(who has paced the f9or VITA sprecious'
O. nights)-Insomnia.
TINS "-ilence of the tomb" is carnival
Of sound compared to the stiffness reign
ing in a crowded street car when the dri-
yer brings it to a standstill, twists the le-
yer round the brake pokes his head in at
the door, and says in deep zones ..Sone.
body hssn't paid their fare"
Frenchman-''Yo on should TO Psrae O. If
only to see zee beautiful picture of Nav
York harbor painted by Messear Bartho di.
Eet IS one grand compilationg." Omaha
Man-"I have seen New York harbor it
self" Frenchman-''Oui,b but in zse pic
ture you get zee graund view wiz out zee
SMELL
At the theatre-She (oa her husbands
return from the open ir)-s'Hnry, did
you notice this important statement on the
programme? Please lock at it, He
Two months elapse between acts II. and
III. Well. what of that?" She-''A good
deal, should think You've been on a
spree for about SIX weeks
EYES," boosted an Eoglishman in the
West. II nave Tudor bioed in my veins
from my mothers side of the family and
Plantagenet from my fathers" rs that
so?" said citizen. s.My blood is littls
mixed, too. My grandfather was Jersey
tendarfoet an my grandmother a Digg !.
Indian squaw. We're both hal .-hreeda.
stranger. Shake
Omaha Teacher 'sNow, children, yo,
know how solar tiaeis calculated, and you
know that a spark of electricity can go
from here to New Yora in an instant"
Chiidrea-''Yss, ma'am." Teacher-sNow,
tell me why it is if telegraph to a friena
in New York, at one O'clock she dc mt re-
ceiye the telegram until after thrse2 ;
Bright Pupil (ex-telesr .ph boy)-'.B ,caus6
thht is marble time"