The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-11-24
Glashes of fun.

MISS I'LL why w yOu lhdIIy
Tom Bloodgood? He is well off in years"
Miss Jinks-"Yes, but he is also well off
in money.'-Burlington Free Press.
"What do you sell that ribbon for ?'
asked a young lady in a dry goods store.
"Eicht dollars a week-oh, beg pardon
30 cents a yard, miss. Washington
Critic, ~:..... '.>::s ... -
Poet-A penny for your'thoughts. .
Beautiful maiden-Fhey are not worth
P.-What were, you thinking of?
M.-Ofyour last poem.-Berlin Cpu-
Mr.. Hayseed Co wife, who is returned,
from church, What was the. sermon
about!' Mrs. Hayseed-"Su'thin' about
Joseph goin' daun to Egypt to buy corn"
Mr.. Hayseed-"Did Che Dominic say
what corn's with daun' there ?"-7he
Epoch. 2 49, -.TH -'f~4:~'
'"Tm not going to play with Willie
Wfaf1es any more" was F1ossie' s dictum.
s"Willie is a very nice little, boy said,
her mamma E2tt.5 "tiNE
- don't like him. In fact [ don't like
boys ;at"all, mamma. [ guess it is be-
cause I'm not old enough."-N Y. Sun.
Our Artist-Do you know, Maggie
you're a pretty girl and ought to- let me
draw your ,:-; $500
Maggie-And do you know, sir, you're
a pretty gentleman and I will let you draw
me-a bucket or two Of water.
1t was washing day, and she kept him
busy.-Puch.
"Do you really love me, George" she
asked.
Love you'll" repeated George, fervent-
goodbye on the porch last night, love,
the dog bit a large chunk out of my leg
and l never noticed it until [ got home.
Love you! [ should smile !"
"John," saidhis wife, "don'tyou spend
more money than you ought for lunches
down town? [ can't understand how it
is that the money slips away as it does!"
mo, m dear, | eat (hic) free lunch
nearly ev'ry day.
"Well, 1 wish you would give up free
lunches,tJohn. They cost you more than
1T is my painful duty, madam" he
said "to inform you that lightning has
just struck your husband"
did it strike him more than once?"
she asked, anxiously.
"No, ma'am."
"Thank heaven is no worse!' she said,
with a sigh of relief. eff lightning only
struck John once he'll pull through"
"My dear girl" said a fond father to
his daughter, surely you're not going to
take all those trunks to Saratoga with
you"
Eyes, papa, every Que, and they are
few enough"
"But what in the world have you got
in 'em.
"Bait, papa," answered the dear girl
brightly.-New York Sun.
"Darling," he muttered hoarsely, II
reform for your sake, because you asked
me I have foresworn the saloon and its
pleasures. Still you avoid me and keep
me at a distance"
II am sure, Charlie, you were quite he
roic in doing so much for me-
"Then why do you draw haughtily
away from me p =
because I can't bear the smell of
cloves."-Lincom Journal.
At the recent entertainment Of the Elks
in this city a small boy showed up for din
ner, without either Of his parents, who
We're stopping at the house.
"What will you have for dinner p
asked the colored waiter as he placed a
bill of fare before the small guest.
The infant looked it over for a moment,
then run a cheerfully dirty forefinger
through the entire list.
Bring it all" he said in a tone OF au-
thority, "'cept cabbage. Cabbage allus
makes me, sick, an: I. promised mann L
wouldn't get sick this trip, nohow."-
Detroit Free Press.
Customer-Win this wash?,.
Clerk-No, I. don't think it will. |
never knew it to.
Customer-If it would wash 1 would
take fifteen yards.
-.ClerktOh the material can be washed
if that is what you mean. You simply.
confuse the transitive and ~intransitive
verbs. Servant girls wash; cloth can be
washed, Do you catch my meaning?
! Custommer-I1hink 1 do And yoa~ase
an i~nsolent idiot. Is that plain? 10y
Clerk-ouite plain. Quite forcible, and
s geaSast5ie e. 5s:s ,sR s : |a ,ee5lsf5t : No
e. he--@Didy eu enjoy YOU, Visit. to th hs
country, MI. Jooflyboy?"
He-"Yas, with one or two exceptions,
[ had a envy, delighbfn1 timer
she-"Ah, indeedf Then there was
bitter with the e t..'7Ig RI ="
He-"Hawdly @bittah, We know, but