The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1887-11-09
Pith and Point.

A NEW ORLEANS crank always chloro-
forms his oysters before eating them on the
half-shell.
AT a recent dog exhibition in Orange
county, New York, several pugs wore lace
collars eight inches deep.
A SHOPPER who wished to purchase
goods of new shade of brown asked the
clerk for something the color of clam fritz
ters."
THE practice of running open accounts
with the big dry-goods stores has greatly
increased the past year among the families
of New York
THE death-rate of the world is sixty-seven
minute A mournful fact, which is more
than offset by the birth-rate, which is
seventy-nine minute.
Mrs. HICKs-LoRD has as yet received no
tidings of her pet white bulldog Jack, who
eloped on Sunday with yellow charmer OF
his own species.-NeW York Herald.
AN advertisement in Georgia paper for
man to watch store in Tampa, Florida,
during the yellow fever epidemic was an
swered by upwards of score OF persons.
A MEMPHIS woman placed $1,000 in her
hustle for safe keeping, and in a moment of
forgetfulness loaned the hustle to a servant
girl to wear mt wedding. The girl has not
returned
Young Mr.. SISSY Ito his pretty ,cousin):
" In your matrimonial fishing, Maude, II you
should make catch like me what would
YOU do?" Maude: "Throw it back in,
Charley. "-Epoch.
THE apple crop in New York this season
is so enormous that in some localities thou
sands of barrels of the fruit have been left on
the ground to rot, while in others " it does
not pay to steal them"
THE sultan of Turkey has to have six
slaves to dress him. This is very hard, but
does not begin to compare with the misery
of man who has six slaves to dress-slaves
of fashion.-BoSton Transcript.
SHARPELY was invited the other day to a
dinner by old MacSkinhint. In due course
two chops made their appearance. " You
your dinner" remarked the host.
YES" replied Sharpely, helping himself to
both the chops, " but | don't see yours."-
Judy.
THIS is cold cold world" sighed a
young man, as he stopped aimlessly in front
of a Detroit clothng-store the other day.
Dot vas so, mein friend" replied the pro-
prietor, who was standing in the doorway,
but ulsters vas cheap as dirt!'-DetroH
Free Press.
A PENNINGTON (Minn) man named judi
son cherishes personal letter from Andrew
-~ jackson, which he reads whenever he feels
his democratic principles getting weak in
the knees. He has been asked to lend it to
the state historical society, but refuses to
let it go out of his possession
A WRITER in a November magazine asks:
" Are the Lower Animals Approaching
MANI" Some of the lower animals have
frequently approached boys in the vicinity
of apple orchards, and no doubt they would
also approach man if he were on the same
errand as the boys-Norristopn Herald.
AN ingenious gentleman who has no fond
ness for hard work is travelling through
Fulton county selling a valuable prepare
ton " warranted to polish tin-ware 1t is
simply wood ashes which he begs at the farm
houses along his route. All he does is to
sift it and put it in boXes.-AHoond Tribune.
THE Boston Transcript tells of hotel at
health resort in which the following rules
are displayed: "Do not ask servants TO do
anything you can do yourself; go elsewhere
if you are not suited here, as there are
others wanting your room; any disagree
ment between guests will be settled by the
request of both to leave"
"Do you know anything about Robinson's
reputation for veracity?" cit ought tc
stand very high. He told me his new dog
cost him twenty-five dollars. He paid
Dumley ten dollars for it. A man who car
contine himself as strongly to the truth as
that when talking about his dog deserves
the confidence of the community, "-Epoch
AMONG the war relics on exhibition at the
stuffed body of Old Abe" the famous wal
eagle of the Eighth Wisconsin He doesn'
look as large as he did in life when he rode
on a standard at the head of the regiment
A tablet attached to his perch bears this in
scrption: " Hatched February, 1861: dice
March 26. 1881"
THE Chicago Inter-Ocenn notes the brit
of baby en- route in Union Pacific sleep
ing-car, and pictures the future misery o
the man as che seeks his birthplace tC
cherish it, but never finds it-this mad, busy
rushing town of Enroute." But the boy
who is born at the rate of fifty miles an houl
is pretty likely to find his station in life
Springfield Union
THE school directors at Washington neet
shower-bath at the public pump. Parents
are obliged to keep their children out of thu
public schools because of the constant com
plants of headaches caused by the lack o
ventilation. The directors refuse to PERM
any of the windows to be opened on accoun
of the extra consumption of coal needed Il
keep the buildings warm
A PAPER in the upper end of the state ha
discovered a tramp who writes poetry.
Tramps who steal chickens are numerous
in this part of the state, but one guilty o
the more heinous offence of writing poetry
has not yet put in an appearance-and If III
has any regard for his health he never will
Poetry written by tramps is something lik
that composed by condemned convictS-
mighty lame in the hind feet.-NorriStoDj
Herald.
In Germany the average duration of tn
life of gardeners, mariners and fishermen i
tifty-eight years; butchers, tifty-four years
carpenters and brlcklayers, forty-nlne years
shoemakers and talors, forty-four years
compositors and photographers, forty-on
years. and laborers thirty-two years OF tn
professions the average lifetime of clergy
men is sixty-seven years; teachers, fifty
seven years; lawyers, fifty-four years, am
| physicians forty-nine years.
NOSE SCHAUMBURG TO his clerk: A." Misl
ter Silverstone, | wish you would schmile
leedle." Ike Silverstone: "Ny So Mishte
Schaumburg?" Nose: " Because you hav
such disconnected expression of countt
nance dot you drive dose gustermers dc
sthore out" Ike S.: "Ogcuse me, Mishte
Schaumburg but if you will only increas
my wages to twelef tolars and "A half a wee
| will make customers believe dot | hav
daken laughing gas. Uterus SUtings.
THE amenities of New York Journalism
must remind Mr.. Charles Dickens yer
forcbly of the description Of America
newspaper ethics which his father wrote i
Martin Chuzzlewit years ago. Brothe
Dana of the Sun refers to Brother Pulitze
of the World with such pleasant epithets a
Judas Pulitzer" "the merCenary who's
collar young Mr.. Nicholl wears, -" the skull
ing adventurer," 1.-THE newspaper boss;
and Brother Pulitzer politely responds b
calling his brother editor " the treacherou
selfish, mercenary Dana" the caitiif,
Ananias Dana" 1.-the false, treacheror
and venal old reprobate," the champio
liar of America, Coward Ananias Dana"
| CAN give you some new anecdotes aboI