Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1887-04-20
MIR. AND MRS. BOWSER.
By Mrs, BowsER.

by MRS. DUN SEh
"Shall we go to church tomorrow l
inquired of Mr.. Bowser the other Saturday
night as we were closing up the house and
getting ready for bed.
"Shall WEI" he echoed, as he stopped
pulling off one of his boots to look up.
s'Mrs. Bowser, you seem to be drifting in
to heathenism! OF course we'll go to
church. 1t is our dnty to set the world an
example,"
ts"But it's such a job for you to get ready,
you know?"
II don't know anything of the kind! |
can get ready three times to your once, and
with one tenth the fuss. While | am not
a so-called Christian, Mrs. Bowser, pro-
pose to respect the Lords day by going to
church, and | propose you'll do the same"
We have breakfast at eight o'clock Sab
up, and called to Mr.. Bowser, who lay on
the broad of his back with his hands locked
under the back of his neck.
"Y-e-sn' he groaned.
Five minutes later called him again.
'Y-e-sv
''Mr. Bowser, it's quarter to eight"
"Can't you let teller sleep?"
"But you are going to church"
AT sharp eight I got him out OF bed, but
it was half-past before we sat down to
breakfast, and nine before we got up.
Then he went off to dress, but it wasn't
five minutes before he shouted:
"Mrs. Bowser, where's my shirt?"
"Why, in your bureau drawer, of course. y
"There isn't single shirt there!'
I went up stairs and pnlled out the
drawer, and there lay six clean shirts.
"Why didn't you say in the top drawers'
he growled, and | went down stairs to heal
him, three minutes later, calling to me:
ssMrs. Bowser, have / got pair of pan
falcons in this housc?"
'sOf course you have. Your Sunday pan
falcons are in the closet
| "No, they amt! I've looked the house
from top to bottom, and they amt to bt
| foundn'
went up and showed them to him, hang
| ing right before his eyes. At the same
time | got him collar, laid out his cuff,
and necktie, and put his coat and vest on g
chair. l got ten minutes rest before he
beloved over the banister:
"Mrs. Bowser. if / was wife and moth
er and housekeeper, I'd pay some attention
to my husbands wardrobe!'
"What's wanted now?"
"This collar won't fiji You've gone ant
let that swindling laundryist steal all my
collars and send me up old rags in the place
of theml'
I went up and showed him his own mari
on every collar, and fitted one to his necl
in half minute. I had got down ant
finished combing my hair when he sudden
ly uttered a warwhoop, and followed it vi
with:
'tMrs. Bowser, I've busted the buckle of
my vest!''
"Well, you must pin the strap together ,
"I'll be hanged if l do! If you ha(
looked my clothes over yesterday, as
faithful wife would have done, this coult
not have happenedp'
| ran up and sewed the buckle on, ant
had just got down again, when he called
"Did you tell the cook to black N.
boots?'
"Why, no.
"Of course you didn't! How on eartl
this house has run so long as it has is ;
mystery to mep'
l carried his boots out to the cook anG
promised her a new collar to shine then
up. By that time Mr.. Bowser came dowr
stairs.
"Alrs. Bowser, look at those euffsp' b,
exclaimed in terrible voice as he hel(
them out to me.
'fWhat's the NATTER"
"Matter Why, I've broke both my
thumbs trying to get the buttons into 'em
If you were like other wives you'd
l slipped the buttons in before he coult
finish the sentence and then ran to dres.
myself. In about three minutes heard {
terrible grunting and roaring in the sitting
room, and Mr.. Bowser called:
"Why was ever fool enough to marry?'
"What is it now?'
''Here's hay on my plug hat-on m,
Sunday hat-a whole load of hay?''
"You were up in the barn loft the othe
day when you had it on, remember. Itwil
brush OFF,
ooh. it will! Well see if it doesl II
wear it just as it is, and let everybody SCI
what kind of wife I've got!"
Imade three minutes further progress to
ward dressing when he shouted:
"Mrs. Bowser, there was the first churc
bell! Are you ready?"
f "No."
''You ain'tl then you'll stay home!
don't propose to go into church after tn
sermon is begun and make show of my
sci! What on earth have you been doin
7 all morning?"
"Waiting on you"
"On me! Mrs. Bowser, don't add false
hood to your other vices! l am going-go
ing alonep'
He sailed off with benign look on hi
countenance, tenderly raised his hat t
three or four ladies before he was out G
sight, and saw by the paper the next da
that he had subscribed $72 to help pay o.
the church debt.-Detron Free Press.
l