The Press., 1887-05-26

in representation of the horse, Pegasus, will be tested as to endurance and wind.
 The candidate is here attached to a small imitation blow, by means of hemp en harness. A dried pumpkin vine is put in his mouth for bit and bridie-he is made to get down upon all fours, the guide seizes the bridle, and urged on by gran ger armed with Canada thistle, which he applies at the terminus of the spine, the candidate is galloped three times around the room. While making the circuit the members arise and sing
 Get up and dust you bully boy,
 Who wouldn't be granger?
 If the thistle's prick don't cause you joy
 To feeling you must be estranged, eh?
 After this violent exercise he is rubbed t1istled, and brought standing up before the great chief-the Most Worshirful Pumpkin Head.
 M. W. P. H.-Why do you desire to be granger?
 Candidate (answering for himself.- = That may learn to extinguish sewing ma chine agents.
 M. W. P. H.-Have your hands been hardened with toiI2
 Candidate-Not extensively, but then am not running for office.
 M. W. P. H.-'Tis well, for our lodges contain several who are supposed to be ready to sacrifice themselves for the good of their constituents. Do you feel pretty smart, this evening
 Candidate-Yes, where the hustle goes on.
 M. ". P. H. (savagely-Give me a chaw of tobacker.
 Candidate searching himself thoroughly, but as there is no place about him to stick 8 pocket, tries to explain, but the Most Worshipful Pumpkin Head interrupts him with
 ''Never mind, my dear young friend-I am we'll aware that in your present condi- tion you could no more furnish your friends with the weed than Adam could be comfortable in a plug hat and tight boots. It is merely to teach you the great lesson of economy-doing to others as you'd like to have them do to you. You will now be conducted to the Most Eminent Squash Producer, who will teach you the grand hailing sign of distress. The sign, my dear brother, will insure you against many others, against drouths and being bit by the ferocious grasshopper."
 The candidate is now conducted to the Most Eminent Squash Producer, who thus says:
 My worthy brother, I will now invest you with the order of the festive plough boy, which you have we'll won by your he- roic achievement while harnessed-may you ever wear it with pleasure to yourself. and may it be means of terror to your enemies"
 (The M. D. s. F. then proceeds to invest the candidate with the regalia of the festive plough-boy, which consists of long to- mato necklace). "The grand hailing sign of distress is made by gently closing the left eye, laying the right forefnger along side the nose, and violently wagging the ears. It requires practice, but the advan- tages are intense. It also has an import ant signifcation, which you will do well to heed. The closing of the eye signifies that in all your dealings with mankind you are bound to have an eye to business. Laying the finger alongside the nose is emblematical of wisdom, and places you at once among the knowing ones This is extremely handy in prognosticating new weather, and saves the wear and tear of almanacs. Wagging the ears signifies sub hmity of purpose, and is thought to be emblematical of childhood's happy hours. It is also supposed by some profound scholars to have 8 distinct reference to ap- pie dumplings, but this fact is somewhat obscured by the dust of ages. In token that you are one of us, you will now be branded. This ceremony is very impress i've, and consists of two brands. They are both applied while the iron is hot, and consist of one letter of the alphabet elch, The first is large letter S, on which you will please sit, while the other letter is applied to the stomach. The letter s, my worthy chicken, signifies scooped, and re- fers to railroad monopoies It is also supposed to indicate the seat of learning- the spot where the old time teacher hunt ed for brains with the ferule. The second letter is c, and is applied, as said before, to the stomach. It has double meaning. First, the application is an agricultural one, corn -scrib, and has reference to the stomach as being the great receptacle for Bourbon whisky. But, brother, do not be diigent in finding home market for your corn. The second application of the letter c, my distracted infant, is got hold of as follows When one granger desires b ascertain for sure if there is another of fhe order in the room, he raises himself gently by the slack of his--of his unmen- ionables scratches his off thigh with his near hoof, and remarks in a voice of thun- Ter : Are there any grangers about P The answer is 'Jeese wax. The enquirer then ,ays Let us see Qetter O, and the oth- sr party must immediately pull out his stomach and disclose the brand. 7
 There brands are applied in such man ler that lam enabled to assure you that hey will wash.
 I was here interrupted, Mir. Editor, by ! volley fired into the open window, evil lently intended for me. Fortunately I escaped without scratch, and which is of