The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-06-23
Glashea Of fun.

BtaSMRR 0k BMM.
i Graveyard visitor-Who is dead that
YOU are digging this grave for?
: Dieger-Smith,o John Smith.
Visitor-What complaint?
Digger-Oh, there is no complaint,
everybody is satisfied.
raJohn, I<wish you'd get a rawhide or
T. a single. I want to spank Willie" quoth
a ST. Louis matron.
"Why not use my slipper, Mary" III.
"Oh, I only want to spank, him; L
don't want to crush him"
"What is that big iron thing full of
holes?' asked Laura. Locomotive
boiler" said Tom. Laura looked thought
fully. After a moments silence she,
asked: Why do they boil locomotives"
Tom looked amazed. '"To make 'em
tender" he said, slowly. %:
"Stop smoking" said a doctor to an
ailing patient the other day, and twill
lengthen your days" The patient
stopped: The doctors prediction was
verified. The first day, the patientd de-
clares, was as long as hisswhole previous
| lIlC, Ctl1u liz w dS 1IlCllIICQ ny t11C
idea of /" a short life and merry one"
"Walter, I'll take my hat" said a gem
tleman at a ball, one evening, as he was
going home: :.
What kind of a hat is it, sir? ?"
"A brand new one. I bought it this
morning"
"Well, sir" said the waiter, call the
good hats have been gone more than an
hour ago..
A Maine newspaper wants its readers
to believe that a citizen of that State has
split a hurricane. Seeing it coming
straight toward his barn, he took two
boards, and, holding them with his best
hold before the barn, the ends together SO
that they formed a sort of wedge, he
| spread the hurricane apart, so that it only
took off two cornices of the barn.
Wife-"John, what do you think of
the new cook? Husband-"Excellent
my dear-excellent, my dear-excellent!
never enjoyed a better meal than my din
ner today. Where did you ever manage
to find such a remarkably good-looking
Young woman, any way?" In just five
minutes by the watch the cook was in
formed that she might find another place.
"John, I wish you would rock the
baby
"What'm I rock the baby for?"
because he is not very well. And
what's more, half of him belongs to you
and you should not object to rock him."
L "Well, don't half belong to your"
EYES, -
"Well you can rock your half and let
my half holler.
"Shall I sing Kathleen Mavoureen'
for you, Augustus, dear 2" she asked,
after they had been married something
over a year.
"No, you needn't mind"
"But I heard you say the other day
that you liked that song ever so much"
II do. Perhaps that will explain to
you why I don't want to hear you sing
it."-Merchant Traveller. !
simpson-"Well, Muggins, how's bust
mess"
Muggins (our artist)-"Oh ripping!
Got a commission this morning from a
clergyman. Wants his children painted
very badly" g
Simpson with that pleasant way Of
hiss" Well, my boy, you're the very
man for the job"
They don't speak now.-Judge.
."Mother," said a little Rockland girl,
looking up from her book, "what does
translation mean Z"
"Oh, across the Atlantic, of course.
Don't bother me, you make me forget my
count = s.
"Does trains always mean across 2"
~ suppose it does. If you don't stop
bothering me with your questions you'll
go to bed.n :
"Then does transparent mean a cross
parent? ?"
In a small town out west an '~ex-county
judge is cashier of the bank 3
"The clerk is all right, SIR" he said to
a stranger, "but the evidence you offer in
identifying yourself as the person to
whose order it is drawn is scarcely sufi-
tient."
"Ive known you to hang a man on
less evidence, judge,",wast the. strangers
response. "a .tti3h,5''a= ar
"Quite likely" replied the ex=judge,
"but when it comes to letting 60 of cold
cash we have to be. careful."-M Y. San.
People are sometimes anxious to, state
things very delicately. An old colored
man named Sam had been absent from
bis native town for several weeks, and on
his return fastened to pay his respects to
: colored member, Of the State Legisla-
ture. >
Z oonsrfastulate. you l RErudder Jones, on