Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-21


Dogw1od, strange to say, has II
more bark than any other undei
growth. Boston Commercial Adve
tiser.
In view of the recent exhibitions {
bad temper by JEFF Davis, why nc
call him the Southern Cross.-Alt
California.
The New York reporters are a
writing the Thistle up, but one c
these days we shall hear of Thistle
down.-Burlington Free Press.
Nearly everything that has avoil
dupois is weighed on scales, excep
anchors-they are weighed on ship
board.-Charlestown Enterprise.
An old woman may be an incorrig
able gossip, but when you come righ
down to facts, the peacock is the great
est tail-bearer of all.-St. Paul Her
aid.
"A boy assassin hanged" read Mr.,
Bascom from a newspaper. "Well,
she remarked, "a sassin' boy is a grea
trial, but 1 don think he ought to b
hanged for it."-Albany Argus.
A gay rooster tipped on the ligh
fantastic toe up to the occupant of {
quiet nest and said: "Will you dance
Biddie p Excuse me-" said the hen
81 am engaged for the set. Ne,
Orleans Picayune.
If man and wife are one flesh n
wonder it is such painful operation
for them to get divorced. And, b,
the way, that reminds us that divorce
should only be granted OH Twos-day
-Charlestown Enterprise.
Little boy-Please, / want the doc
tor to come and see mother. Servan
Doctors out. Where do you com
from? Little boy-What! don
know met Why, we deal with you
we had baby from here last week
Water is supposed to be as cheal
and as plentiful as dirt, yet jewele
has no compunction in charging dol
lar for a main-spring.-Cbarlest
Enterprise.
But you can get l(e)ak in pal
for nothing.
1t is a singular phase of human ma
ture that when a man gives his wife 6
dime to buy box of hairpins or (
gum ring for the baby it looks abou
seven times as big as when he plank'
it down for bitters.-Shoe and Leath
er Reporter.
New York young ladies have start
ed a new craze. They have albums
of hair, each gentleman contributing
n lock. The idea is Indian; many
chiefs daughters have collected locki
of hair and are waiting for the al
buns to arrive.-Boston Transcript.
John, John, there's a burglar il
the house! / hear him at the cup
board 70
"Where you put that pie ?"
Yes. Oh, John, where are you
going"
"Pm going down to rescue him.
Washington Critic.
What is your favorite flower, Mr.
Hayseed ?" asked Miss Lilybud
'The tuber rows, marm, the tubel
rows" said the good old man, for j,
was he, shouldering his hoe and
down to his potatoe patch
This might be considered a pun dc
Excuse my French. - Bur
dette.
Husband-I can't stand this any
longer. You make me desperate.
Wife-So you have said before.
Husband-I'm going into that mex,
room to kill myself.
Wife-The spare room! l guess
not. If you want to kill yourself the
woodshed is plenty good enough
Omaha Herald.
| regard the use of beer as the true
principle. When l work
all day and am exhausted nothing
helps me like glass of beer. 1t as
sists nature, you understand, said
Rensom to Benson.
1t makes a fool of me, Benson re.
piled.
Just so, exclaimed Rensom, that,
what 1 say; it assists nature.-Scran.
ton Truth.
docs your watch keep good time
Mr.. Gonever I" she asked of her call
er about IL o'clock that night, as he
consulted his chronometer.
"Oh, dear, yes; very good time
Miss Weary; very indeed. Why do
you ask"
IL imagined it might be an hour OF
.I-.- ..o.. u 1