News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-12-22
THE J0KERS BUDGET.
THE HUMOR OF THE FUNNY
WRITER'S.

, THE HUMOR OF THE FUNN,
WRITER'S.
, Footing the BiII-She Worried Hi,
Masonic Simplicity-A Hint t
A Hint Inventors "A Stron;
Hint, Etc, Etc.
FILLING THE BILL.
Mother-"Why, Willie, you can
possibly eat another plate of pudding
can you?"
Willie-"Oh, yes, ma, 1 can. On
more plate will just fill the bill
PERSEVERANCE,.
''Young man, said a cross old lad,
on street car, 'tterbacker smokin
makes me sick" '...-~
cit used to make me sick, too
ma am" replied the young man, lighting
a fresh Cigar, "but, Lord, you'll ge
used to it arter awhile
CAUGHT A PROFESSOR.
Caller Ito Mrs Hendricks)-You
daughters husband is an A. NJ, is h
not, Mrs. Hendricks
Mrs. Hendricks Ga trif1e sourly)-Yes
he is about two o'clock. A. Nh. Y
Sun,
By HEARsAY.
Sister Clara entertaining young Mr.
Featherly)-Why do you ask me, Bobby
if was at the market yesterdays 1or
know very well | was not.
Bobby-I heard Mr.. Featberly say
something about you being in the mar
ket.
IN NO MOOD
Bobby-Ma, can 1 go over to Willie
Waflles?
Mother-You must ask your father.
Bobby.
Bobby Chopelessly)-Well, ma, pa is
putting up the parlor stove.-N 7.
Sun.
WHAT HE NEEDED.
Fathef="You want the hand of my
daughters Have you any means of ex-
istenceP
Young Man-"At present, none; but
have the best prospects,.
Father-''Why, then, you are in need
of q telescope-nota a wife. ."-Phila. He,cs.
WANTED CORNED BEEF.
Householder (ordering)-Ten pounds
of corned beef.
Groceries, sir gushing out cigars
have one, sir?
Householder Simply corned beef; no
cabbage, thanks.-Portland Argus.
BROKEN UH.
Wife-Why, James, where have you
beens Your clothes are torn, your face
is scratched and your hair in confusion.
What's the matter?
Husband-Oh, nothing. I just tried
to pass a shop where q fall opening of
bonnets was in progress.
SEEKING SAFETY.
narchist-Grechen, gif me q clean
white shirt!
Wife-Vat! Haf you lost your senses,
Adolph2
Annrchist-Nein; but since dot exc
t,ution wo Anarchists hnf to go in dis
sfuise'- --- zeeas 1Sifrf,gs-
THE WASTE.
81 see Edison claims that only about
oue-fourth of every ton of coal is util-
lied by the consumer"
"So2 l didn't think the dealer meas
ured it quite as short as all that CHI
cago Mems.
REASON ENOUGH FOR ANXIETY.
Old lady coming to Conductor,
there amt going to be a collision, l
hope?
Conductor-I guess not.
Old LADY, want you to be very
keerful. I've got four dozens eggs in
this basket.
THE ATTACK TO BE RENEWED.
Young Mani love your daughter,
sir, devoted,y. May l hope for bless
ing from YOU
Old Man-Have you spoken to my
daughter upon the subjects
Young Man-Yes, and she refused.
Old Maxwell, doesn't that settle it
Young Man-No, sir. You forget
that am q life insurance agent, and
never take no for an answer.-N. Y.
Sun.
HE WAS PREPARED.
Miss Sentymente-Ah, Mr.. Donaught,
docs not the sadness of the waning sea-
son impress you with a sense of utter
wretchedness
Mr.. Donaught- it does. Inevah
stir out now unless I have my umbrel-
lah.
Miss S.--Your umbwella'
Mr.. D.-Yaas, to keep off the vain,
you CIeceyand Sun.
A STRONG HINT.
1t was midnight in the fall and she
had waited long for him to go, but he
persisted in hanging on and talking
about the poets. Finally he said, "Why
does Tennyson speak of men as Gods
trees p
"Because they don't leave till spring."
was the reply.
He probably took his leave after that.
THE RAT.
This is an Indian boys composition
on rat A rat or rats are good for moth
ing. They are useless animals, because
they will steal, eat, or spoil whatever
comes in their way. They will also
eat eggs and little chickens and ducks
They live in stables, pig pens, cellars,
aud in the ships. The rats are great
travellers; they will go in ships across
the Ocean. The sailors are sure to have
their ship sink if the rats have left; per-
haps the rats are only good for to tell
when the ship is going to sink.
MASONIC SIMPLICITY.
He (his first call on "she," whom he
met this summer in the mOuntaius)
your father is q Mason. How high does
he stand?
She-Well, let me think-the highest
I've ever known him to be was when he
was at work on very tall factory chin
ney-ever and ever so high, you know.
That was before he was q boss. Now he
just stands round and gives orders, and
we consider him about as high up as he
can be.-Harpo,''s Bazar.
BIG DIFFERENCE.
st. Louis Dame-I hear that our old
friend Augustus Smith is married.
Chicago Dame-Yes; she married her
fathers confidential clerk.
''It must have been q quiet we'd
ding
ooh, no; it was grand affair
''Why, there was only just little
piece about it in the Chicago papers.
"Well, the parents approved the
match, you know "-,Si. Paul Globe.
HINT TO INVENTORS.
A fair American came into n down
town drugstore lately and inquired for
a certain kind of tooth-powder.
"Haven't got it in stock, madam"
said the clerk.
"But," persisted the fair customer, Il
have friends who purchase it here habit
uslly."
stIVbo4 hind 1;1 Won Sav IT was mad