The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-12-31
Written (or The Arkansow TrdreIer.
 MY ECCENTRIC GAS METER.
BY HAL BERTE.

mite number of weeks who shall win over my gas meter to the sacred cause of truth. l will go further and offer any man the same terms who shall bring about the same results. 1 mean it; so if you want to get fat at another mans expense, here's your chance.
 am convinced no man ever had a meter like mine, and I am equally convinced that if any man could have such q meter he would let profanity envelop him like November fog and suffer no shadow of remorse.
 Imoved into my house last August. For the first few days the gas burn CTS, or some such fittings, were not ready, and made shift with candles. When the gas man called he informed me that 1 had consumed 5000 feet of gas. On my questioning it, he referred me to the meter, and sure enough that meter eorroborated the mans state- ments. l felt inclined to kick the man, but, as he was tall, determined looking fellow, l contented myself with giving him piece of my mind and kicking the meter instead.
 About week afterwards he looked in again, and, notwithstanding the fact that l had used parafine lamps all the time, the meter registered 2,500 feet! showed the man my parafin ne lamps, but somehow they failed to convince him at least. I imagine so, for he handed me the account when he went.
 Soon after this I wrote an indignant letter to the company's manager, but he wrote back to the effect that the meter was no common meter, and, like George Washington, could not lie. He further intimated that whereas a poor dumb meter was the very em- bodiment of truth, a mans word was not to be depended upon, especially that of man who had specified ob- ject in lying, which object 1 clearly had, viz., to avoid payment.
 What could do after that2 Well, I thought I'd burn gas after that for a change. It seemed as if I'd got to pay for it whether consumed it or not. didn't see much good in having to pay for thing l didn't have; so l threw all my candlesticks and lamps over the fence onto my neighbours onion- bed and commenced burning gas.
 In due course the gas man came. After he had tested the meter he laughed and said:
 "Ah, l thought it would come to that"
 "What does that thing register this time,' asked, anticipating something startling.
 "Nothing."
 "Wh-a-a-t?
 "Nothing at all" he repeated. "You haven't used any, see, since my last visit"
 "See here, my good fellow, this is no time for testing just confine your self to facts"
 "Well Pm blest," he replied, impa- tiently, "it's good thing our cus- toners aren't all like you. When the meter says you've burned gas, you say you haven't, and when the meter says you ain't you say you have. Whats man to do, anyhow? You'll say the meter lies next"
 I might have rejoined that had ar rived at that conclusion long ago, but saw it was no use attempting to dis cuss the matter with a man like that, and brought the interview to sum- mary conclusion by showing him the way out. There was some consolation after all in knowing that the meter on this occasion had perjured itself in my favor.
 On that evening, when attempted to illuminate my premises, strange thing happened. Icould get no gas at aH. suppose the man had purposely tempered with the meter in order to pay me out.
 In the morning I sent messenger down to the works, and they sent back two men carrying tools enough to pull house down and instructions to see what was wrong.
 After a brief examination, one of the men said he thought there was a leakage. The other, however, en- phatically held out. against any such theory, offering to put the matter to test with. a match, and would no doubt have done SO and blown the whole i-ouse up, had 1 not threatened to brain him where he stood. Where upon he threw his basket down in a huff and said he would leave the job to his mate, who was a "borned fool i" Tbe "borned fool" fumbled about half the day banging the meter here tapping In there fixing and unfxing, soldering and unsoldering, and in the end per- meating the whole house with such an awful stench that the whole of my family took malignant fever and my mot har- in To xxrhn hal AI-