The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1887-02-24
TYPICAL LIARS.
The Three Glasses Which are the Rec
ognized Leaders I'm the South.

hitherto sort of accomplishment. is
now profession, The successful liar,
like the successful poet, must be fav-
ored by nature. Nearly any man, of
even Indifferent education, can learn to
write pleasant rhymes, but it requires
not alone the eye of the skillful critic
to see the lack of poetry in them
nearly any man can lie, but his hearers,
though humble and uneducated, can
discern tho absence of that inherent
quality without which a liar needs not
hope for unalloyed fame, There are
now only three classes of liars, in small
cities, who can successfully claim pre-
eminence: the fire cnginc-huose liar.
the livery stable liar and the drugstore
liar. OF course there are other liars
who, ut times, hold up the appearance
of ultimate establishment on firm
basis, but those appearances pass away
when upon maturer thoughts, the pub
lie recognizes the fact that every inch
of the vast territory of liardom is amply
covered by the triumvirate above
named.
The engine-house liar is past the mid
lie age, wears SLOUGH hat and some
times decorates himself with green Cog
giles. This occasional adornmcnt has
caused people of euphu.stc tendencies
te refer to him as the goggle-cyed pre-
varicator He is generally the propri-
etor of q sore-mouth boy, about six
years of age. Whenever he sees this
boy loafing in the neighborhood of the
engine house, he calls him and says,
Run along home, now." Sometimes,
in reply, the boy yells "hah!'' but he
does not run along homo. The father,
feeling that he has done his duty, re-
sumes his split-bottom chair tits him
self 50 urgently back against the wall,
the result OF miscalculatig the dis
lance and allows II slight exclamation,
very much like the lick OF frog to
escape him. Then he proceeds with
the tearing of leaf after leaf from the
great unabridged volume of his eXpe-
rience. No one believes him, except,
perhaps it be n chance listener who has
spent his life in some academy teach
ing young men the great profession of
journalism, The engine-house liar is
exact with regard to his dates. The nc
tive part or even the plot of an incident
which he relates is of little consequence
in comparison with the prec Sc date.
"Let me see," he will say, attempting
to frown his grasp of recollection into
vigor which will admit of no mistake.
lit was in the afternoon of the 2lst day
of June, lSi9-yes, il must have been
IN the afternoon for | know that | was
coming from dinner. No | was going
to dinner and it was consequently in
the forenoon of the 2lst day of June,
IS49-Now, wasn't it 1902 Let me see,
1t must have been in 80 for it was tho
year Nose Ganderson moved to the old
Pryor place. Hold on; when did Nose
move there?"
Some one tells him that the precise
date has nothing to do with the interest
of the story, and after while, agreeing
that it has not, he proceeds with the
story, but any one can see that his
powers of narration are crippled and
that his mind occasionally steals back.
anu, llkt ullfl lilRlu SOlliHE ONN NNCh
potatoes, rakes up the unsettled dates.
by listening to him man may be as
sisted in arriving at the truth, il he
should followa trail running in drec-
ton opposite from the one pointed out;
otherwise truth will continue to grow
dim and undistinct until not trace of
it is in sight. A great many middling
liars whose trickery has been mistaken
for talent and who have worked their
way into polite society are simply the
imitatOrs OF the fire engine-house liar.
The field of the livery stable liar is
limited, but well cultivated. He cares
nothing for remin SCIENCES of men, but
he is full of horse biography In his
opinion the human being is much in
fcrior to the horse. He is in doubt as
to whether his daughter is seventeen
or eighteen years of age, but If any one
should ask him the age of Nat Wether-
tons iron-gray filly, he will, without
hesitation. but with n smile showing
what extreme pleasure he feels in being
able TO give such useful information.
reply: "Three years old on the sixth
OF last month" He has owned more
fine horses than any other man in the
neighborhood There are no such
horses now rs there were when he was
enjoying his best days. He chews
black tabacco and spits through his
teeth. Somebody, no one knows who.
is always owing him money and won't
pay him, and for this reason he is UNI
able to discharge the debts which he
owes. No one ever knew the livery
stable liar to strike lick of work, and
how he manages TO live is mystery.
vet he sadly exclaims nqainst the labor