The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-12-01

then they grew to a semi-weekly; the
the next change was to a tri-weekly; still
later we were favored with an evening
edition, and now it has progressed to both
a morning and an evening ISSUE"
eyes," said old Mr.. Jones, "the doc
tors are getting mighty smart nowadays;
why, they've got instruments and things
made so that they can see clean through
you"
,"Humph!" replied old Mrs Jones. II
don't see anything particular smart in
that. I've been married to you thirty
years, but l saw through you in two
weeks after the bridal"
Mr.. Jones rubbed his bald head for a
moment and thoughtfully resumed his
reading. -Boston Courier.
"Do you write stories, Mrs. Hobson-
love stories?' inquired Bobby, as he
rested his elbow OF the babys knee and
gazed peacefully into her face.
do [ write love stories?" repeated
Mrs. Hobson, in surprise. "Why, no,
Bobby, what put that idea into your busy
little brain ?" and she turned to Bobby's
mother with an amused smile.
"Pa did," was the dear little fellows
explanation. II heard him tell ma that
you could beat any woman in town ro-
mancing."-New York Sun.
II understand you are to have a big ag-
ricultural fair up your, way?"
Yes; or rather we did intend having
one, but we've been disappointed"
Disappointed? In what wayY
"Why, you see, we got the ~race-course
all laid out, and the baseball field up nice
and handy, and everything was getting on
splendid, when we found hat we had no
room for go-as-you-please pedestrian
races.
"You don't say SOP"
eyes; and that isn't the worst Of it.
There's a lot Of old fossils who want to
exhibit cattle, vegetables and all that sort
O atuf.-dIsto~ Transcript.
"That ! oy," said a proud father, who
was an al aleur ~phrenologist, THAT boy
was born 20 be a great fghter-not a
vulgar p'yilist, you understand, but a
great gent raj or something of that kind,
but" and he hove to a deep sigh, "the
world is moving, peace waves her olive
branch, there will be no more wars and
he will never have a chance to distinguish
himself"
IF he was born for fighting" said the
mother, [ guess we can give him a chance
to distinguish himself"
"How, Maria, how?"
eve can make him a member Of a
church choir."-Boston Courier.
Uncle John, who lives in Central New
York, caught a hard cold which was &C
oo,ororioI hy n -1ct Iictrocoinr o0,,rh
It did not, however, prevent his coming
in his friend likes market. Finally, n
day Ike resolved to brave Uncle Johns
sharp tongue and tease him a little about
his failure to rid himself of the cold. He
said: "JohnY ~ "What yer want?"
"Got a bad cold. amt yer?" ayes, got
the wust ever 1 had in my life" Hangs
on pretty bad, don't it?" eyes, beats all
natur'." Hesitatingly, "Why don't yer
try some o'yr cough medicine you wanted
ter sell me?' II thought mebbe y was
fool 'nough ter ask that question; dyer
s'pose I want to live forever ?'-Harper's
Magazine. s
"Egbert, sweetlove, dost think of me
when thou art not by my side?" asked a
Chicago avenus girl of her best fellow in
ten-cents drama tones, as she gave her
new switch a jerk to keep it from falling
on his neck. "Why dost thou doubt me 2"
he responded tenderly and reproachfully,
as he gasped his last fifty cents with the
same frmness as that which he held the
waist of the maiden.
"And O long to be with me?"
II wish I could clasp you always in
my arms"
"Clasp me, dear love p
cay, my souls own"
"Then your wish shall be gratified, my
darling. [ saw the loveliest diamond
bracelet today. You can clasp
But Egbert was no longer there.-Mln-
ueapolis Journal.
$50 you are home from New 1ork?'
YES" H..
"Been there often p
"This was the tenth time
"Did the city look 50 large as when you
first went there?
"Much larger: e.h
at did? That's just the opposite of
my experience. After the third or fourth
time [ was not at all impressed with the
size {"
"Well, I stood on Broadway at Canal
street and looked around me, and it
seemed to me that I could never get out
of the city" 12.4 .
"Shoo! That was a queer impression"
"Wel, 1 dunno. I just had my pocket
picked Of my last dollar, didn't know a
soul to borrow from aid the hotel clerk
was making out my three days bill. Yes,
| the city seemed to be forty miles across