Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1887-09-01
UNION OF gHE CURED.
TESTIMONIAL WRITER'S FOR NOS.
TRUMS UNITE.
A Big Hoboken Convention Resolve
20 Band Themselves Against
Cheap Scab Composition.

began yesterday the first National Conyen-
tion ever held BY writers of testimonials
for patent medicines" The convention
opened with delegates present from every
State and Territory in the Union, besides
natives Of the West India Islands, and sew
eral missionaries from South America
The delegates represented not constituen-
cies, but physical ailments. One had been
elected by fever and ague; another repre-
sented the all-gone feeling" third, whs
was constantly talking, Tepre<cn;ed awind
in the stomach = a fourth had been chosen
BY the sciatic rheumatism; fifth had been
delegated by asthma; sixth stood for
"tired az over" and other delegates rep
resented malaria, consumption, cramps,
palsy, pare5is, compound fractures, torpid
liver, corns, cerebros spinal meningitis, bun
ions, locornotor ataxia, tight boots etc.
The convention was called TO order az
o'clock in the afternoon. For temporary
Chairman there YVES an animated but ami
cable contest between delegate from llli-
nois, who had been blown up in steamboat
excursion on the Mississippi river and
cured by one of Benzine's porous plasters,
and delegate from Missouri, who, after
suffering untold pangs for thirty years
with locomotor ataxia, was effectually
cnred by six bottles Of Or. Calker's Vitriol
Bittars, which he took on the advice of
the County Sheriff. The man who had
survived SIX bottles Of vitriol bitters was
elected
For permanent Chairman the principal
candidates were "Old Sufferer and
afflicted Seventeen Years" "I-Can't-
Tell You-How -Grateful-I- Am retired from
the contest, and Your Medicine-Is-B Better
Than-the- Doctors" declined to run. On
close vote Afflicted Seventeen Years" was
elected, and hobbled TO the stage on
clutches, where he was received with the
most tremendous enthusiasm.
Standing on crutch and cork leg, he
ssid that he had written Testimonials for
patent medicines for thirty-fve years, and
felt proud Of the honor shown him by the
convention in selecting him to preside over
it. There we're delegates present from
every back county and small hamlet in the
country. They had met for the first time
in their lives to organize for mutual pro-
lection and 10 found = national party Of
people who write patent medicine testimo-
mails. Formerly the species Of literature
known as the patent medicine testimonial
was exceedingly profitable and brought to
those who devoted their genius TO it pleas
ant employment and high remuneration.
Now times had changed. The price OF tes-
timonials had been cut down till those who
wrote them could scarcely make bare liv-
ING. lie had written testimonials fifteen
hours day to keep his family from starry
ing. Recently the patent medicine com
panies had thrown good many people out
of employment by printing testimonials
from dead men. There was an old-time
Governor Of Illinois who had been dead for
forty years, and ever since he was laid
away the patent medicine COMPARES had
been printing testimonials from him, de-
scribing how he had been entirely cured Of
corns and bunions. The printing Of Ger
tlfcates of cure from dead men was a fraud
on honest industry.
A delegate arose and said that he had
lived on bread and water for four years
while writing testimonials for Dr.. Calk-
ms Champagne of Coal Tar" and he
heartily approved Of what the Chairman
had said. He hoped that the writers Of
testimonials would assert themselves and
strike ioT higher wages.
"Twenty-seven yesrs ago" said lady
delegate, Mrs Jones of Waco, Texas, I
could scarcely walk. Life was burden to
me. / had an all-gone feeling when I sat
down and tired-all-oYer feeling when
got up. The best physicians in Texas
were Summoned 70 attend 10 NJ Gaze.
They said that had palsy, sciatic rheun,a-
tism, cancer, consumption. cerebrospiual
meningitis, malaria, diphtheria and COM
pound fracture of the jaw. They held
council, which lasted three days, and said
that l would probably never get we'll. My
husband was 80 alarmed by the news that
he walked the house st night and did
not sleep for six months A clergyman
who happened to come along advised me to
try bottle Of Mrs. Lavinia Winkum's
Extract Of Catnip and Indian Turnip. All
my rsighbors advised me not to take il,
but my husband went forty miles to a drug
store and bought the only bottle in North |
ern Texas | took it, and in three weeks
was wholly cured. have since gained
seventy five pounds, and now feel better
than | ever did before Every family in
Waco now has Mrs Lavinia Winkuu's
Extract Of Catnip and Indian Turnip in
the house and we keep cellar full of it. |
Ali the doctors have moved away. and the
undertaker's coffrs we're sold at auction !
last week by the Sheriff. / cannot tell YOU !
how grateful l I'm fo- your invaluable /
remedy
That literary gem, eaid Mrs. Jones of
Waco (who lives at WeehaWken who |
never saw Texas and who doesn't know
where Waco isl, brought me only SO so, |
though have rung all the changes on it,
and dated it from nearly every 5aclswoods
town in the country"
Mis-. Es11lramis Mcintyre, a lady dele
gate, vas recognized by the Chair and said
" have lived in Africa eighteen years, my
father, Baptist missionary, having been
boiled and eaten by some nngrateful native
converts when l was child, but at last l
wss rescued by some British soldiers. In
the course Of my long residence IN Africa
became black. In fact on nay arrival IN
America | mas almost as dark IS one OF
the Georgia minstrels. / worried great
deal over what should do to improve my
complexion. At last, while living in 4
family as q supposed colored cook, saw
your advertisement in newspaper, and at
once bought , box Of Peppers Safe Paris
Green Complexion Powders. Ny COM 4
plexion began to improve the next NV
Six boxes effected revolution in re- o9T3-
plexion. I am now as white a. aiabaster |
l take a quart Of your Paris Green Com
plexion Powders every day, and think that |
It improves my general health"
That" continued Mrs. Mcintyre, "a :.
only one of the many fine notices which =
have written for the Paris Green c. :
plexion Powders, and they have paiF =
only s. yard for them, 80 thst if ~
not write occasional obituary por r. 4 f"-
the Philadelphia newspapers s Ia ~
unable to live, and the owners ~ pe
metic are so mean that they - . 80 20
sent me any of their Paris 60 go C., C.
plexion Powders, 50 that ve 800 80 -,