Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1887-11-11
The Weekly Free Press from
| this date il reduced one half it
is uOw only ONE DOLL AR Il

Scar.

crust is that it is "too thin"
Barkeeper: "A triie of water in It,
sir ?"
Customer: No sir My mouth is water
ing sufficiently to furnish the necessary
dilution."
Popinjay has prepared very elaborate
and learned paper for the Papyrus club
on the question, Odd the goddess Diana
ever sign her name to a patent soap
puff ?"
We beg leave to differ from the com
mon opinion that a pig has no use for its
tail. Did you ever try to catch pig?
A Kansas man was committed to
Jail for 60 days for shooting judge, but
was pardoned out on the seventh day, on
condition that he would assist in hanging
a horse thief.
Young Mrs. Popinjay, at market for the
first time: Are you sure this chicken
isn't an old hen? 1t feels very tough"
Marketman: 81 can assure you. MAIN,
that fowl is very young" Opening bill
of the bped y "Sre-it hasn't single
tooth yet" Mrs. Popiniay takes the hen
Miss De Smith says she likes a man
with some sand. There are lots of foolish
investors in Florida land who answer that
description.
New arrival: Sir, can you tell me
whether this is IA bad place for malaria ?"
Old citizen: Yes, sir. it is-very bad.
New arrival with alarm: How many
recent cases
Old citizen: Noue-I told you it was
bad place for malaria.
The chestnut5 are just beginning to fall
from the trees, and almanac makers are
very busy.
Never look over your shoulder" says
a writer. It's bad luck" Girls, make
note of this. If you must see a bonnet
that has passed you, look under your
shoulders.
The last New York blanket sheet, the
EUening Post, is coming out as an eight
page paper. Since the advent OF the cheap
wire hustle its circulation has been falling
Off alarmingly.
We are nos going to tell who the lady
was who left certain church because the
upholstering OF the paws did not match
her complexion.
We frequently hear about base ball clubs
|
their compilations very slightly, how
ever.
a bad sgn-"Beer, 5 cents glass"
Bessie-"My fathers lawyer. What's
your fathers business 20
Miune-"Oh, he's mas first assistant"
"Women cannot be satirical," says a
writer This fact does not prevent them
from trying, however.
Times change. The study of mankind
is no longer man, but politics.
DIR, William A. Hammond says that
there are 5000 more doctors in New. York
city than are needed. Why don't he move
out, then
The best monarch" says a writer, sis
one who is felt everywhere without being
observed" According to this recipe the
wicked flea would make pretty good sort
of king.
1t Is all we'll enough to say that 10 is an
unlucky number But this country start
! ed i'll business with 10 States, and seemed
to be holding her own up to going to press.
Puck.
1t may be question just when it is best
| to take the risk of losing mans friend
ship by refusing to lend MIN money An
| ODStINtT says lildJ lie Is Vi UDe
opinion that the average friendship is
never worth more than S20.-SOmeTUUtC
| journal.
From this time out" said Jones, as he
gathered up the carpet stretcher, the ham
mer aud the saucer with one hand and en-
deaI ored to straighten out the bags in the
knees of his trousers " it'll the other hand,
you can count on my unqualified support
OF the psrty that has for its motto 'racks
on land only'-NGU York Star.
Wife-Where Shall we put our tall
clock?
Husband-Well. notice it is the style
to put clocks at the head of the stairs.
| Yes, but is it not too much of tie npt-
alton for them to run down Ply OnkerS
| Statesman