River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-09-01
JOKER'S CORNER.
AMOS KEETER.

AMOS KEETER.
There's a lively little creeter which is
known as Amos Keeter and it couldn't |
be much feeter if he tried:
IL Is ever sweetly singing while about yon |
swiftly winging, seeking out a place for |
singing through you hide:
In gore tbs ever wadin', lanced from |
grandam and from maiden, till its veins
are over-laden with the stuff.
And yet, though rich its diet, the smaller
creeter mere is quiet, and you really
can't come nigh (which is tuff:
You think you're sure to lam it, and against
the wall you jam it, but you'll sadly
mutter dammit il skips:
Oh, smart is Amos keeter, on your very
nose he'll teeter, and he says 'sThis Is |
my meat-er'--as he nips
Confound the wretched creature, be swells
your every feature, as he bleeds you like
leach or dineth off your face.
O, if he sang in Eden, no stronger proof I'm
needin' of the cause of the secedin' from
the place. Cleveland Sun.
SHE FOUND IT.
Sis he said, "do you know where
my base ball mask is? I've hunted high
and low for it. ~
II didn't know you wanted to use it
to-day, Dick" said his sister uneasily.
''Well, / do"
ON see if / can find it for YOU" and
she went up stairs. She found it with
out much trouble.
REFORM NEEDED.
.Gubbins, whet's the reason the mos
quitoes bite you so persistently and
don't touch me at ALP" well, don't
know, johnson, but it seems to me
when man gets so far gone that even
a mosquito won't have anything to do
with him it's high time he reformed and
took bath.
UNPREPARED.
Sympathizing Friend-Poor John
died so suddenly. Sorrowful Widow
Awful sudden. l was unprepared for
it. Poor dear" Il hadn't a rag in
the house that would do for mourning
wear. Philadelphia Dispatch.
REVISED AND AMENDED.
A good story to tell the children on
the value of pOliteness is going the
rounds about the monkey which, when
about to be assaulted by a dog, lifted
his hat politely, as he had been taught
to do, while the abashed dog skunk
away with his tail between his legs.
This is good little story, and it has
a good litole moral, but it isn't the way
we used to near it in the days when we
played monkey and our bearing toward
We ancient pedagogue was not exactly
Chesterfeldian. As the original YER
sion had it, the monkey jumped nimbly
on the dogs back and had him whip
ped before the pup knew what had hold
of him.
But that was in the good old DAYS
when, if boy didn't look out sharp for
number one, he didn't cut much of a
figure in the community.
FORGIVENESS.
McReilly-I can't make out your
friend Bowser Yesterday l read him
an original poem of 80 stanzas, and at
its conclusion he walked away without
a word of comment. Bagley (enthusi-
astically) THAT'S just like Bowser!
He's the most forgiving man l ever
knew Philadelphia Call.
WASTED REGRETS.
There is no use crying over spilled
milk. 1t may be three parts water.
NOT Up IN YANKEE IDIoMs.
Payson fuckers latest is fiving
along the line of the Maine Central
faster than the vestibule train. One OF
the Italians employed on the Megantic
finding macaroni and dollar and ?
half more than Offset by work, mosqu;-
toes and black flies, skedaddled to Port
land, where in the hope of arousing
sympathy and procuring pass to New
York, he called upon Mr.. Tucker and
said; What you call them people
what have no fatLer and no mother?''
''Son-of-a-gun. promptly responded
Mr.. Tucker. "That's me, that 5 me, =
reiterated the Italian.
LITTLE DUCK.
French Woman Get Long Branch)-
On, we hat sooch a fine time bathing
iii &c otcean. NJ sleur Brown, be elf me
-vot you call 'em-a gosling.
American WOman-A gosling! Why,
a gosling is a little duck.
French Woman-zat is vat he elf me
"a little duck.
ENGAGED FOR THE HEIRS.
When Mexican Buchanan was play
ing in Sacramento many years ago a
local critic went for his acting of
Shakespeare very severely. Buchanan
went to a well-known lawyer and con-
suited him as to suit. The LAWYER
heard him all through and then said:
'.I'm very sorry l cannot take your
case. I'm engaged for the heirs of
Shakespeare.
The lawyer thought this very funny,
and one day heinz In San Eranci