The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-06-30

LIN SOCo VI IN S1SohS "ao AAoiANy
consumed in this country in one year
would build a new navy, but it never
"will.-0H-C CITY Blizzard.
9Mamma," said aGttle fve-year-old
girl, pointing to a turkey gobbler %strol1ing
around a neighbours yard, "ain't that
red-nosed chicken got an awful big
bustle?' " t 49,,
A1ady writer asks, "Why don't bach
elors, marry ?" That's so-why' don't
they? Come to2athiihk about it, we have
never yetseen 6bachelor who was mar
=ried. It's %lamentable, too.-Bimgham
Republican.
"Why, Johnny" exclaimed mamma,
"aren't you ashamed Of yourself, going
about with such a dirty face" "No, I
amt, replied Johnny, with conscious pride
in the integrity of his intentions, "you'd
like to have me taken for a dude, wouldn't
your"
Make me an egg again, clean, smloth and white. {
I'm homesick and lonely, and life's but a dream
Compelled in this cold world sadly to roam
No mother to shelter, no place to call home,
No mother to teach me to scatch or to cluck.
l can hardly tell whether I'm chicken or duck.
Man ina carriage Ito farmer in the
felO-"That corn doesn'tlook as though
you'd get more'n half a crop" Farmer
in the field Ito man in a carriage)-Don't
expect to; I'm working it on shares" II
mean you won't get much to the acre."
"Don't expect to only got half an acre."
-Harper's Bazaar.
"How happened it you were out of the
city when this fire took place." he asked
of a Cincinnati Moses whose clothing
store had been badly damaged.
"Great heafens, man, but What do you
expect?' exclaimed Moses.
"How?"
edo you belief I stay in town and left
folks belief I done it instead of my
clerk!" -g.~
A superfne lady entered a st. Louis
dry goods store the other day and asked
to be shown some "dignifers." The floor
walker started up the centre aisle in a
complete state Of bewilderment as to
what she wanted. At length he plucked
up courage enough to request the fair
customer to be a little more explicit, as
to what she meant by " dignifers." With
a look of scorn she replied: "Bustles,
sir"
First farmer: "You say you can't take
$40 for that cow" Second farmer:
"Can't do it." "But yesterday you told
me you'd sell her for $40" ~ know I
did, but I'll have to back out" L" What's
the matter?" "You see that COW be-
longs to my wife, and she says she will
sob herself into Mysteries if I sell her. It
would break her heart" "All right-it's
no trade" ~ say" "Well, what is it?'
"Make it S45, and we'll let her Sob"
Mr.. Isaacstein Ito customer)-"Dot
seventeen tollar coat vas warranted all
WOOL, my trent, und marked in blain fig
gers. / marks all my goots dot way, so a
customer knows he don'd got sheated. A
leetle innocent schild, vat don'd know
holdings, could puy dose goots, marked
in hlain fggers. You dake dot coat for
seventeen tollars ?"
: Customer-"Ill give you six dollars
for it"
Mr.. Isaacstein-"ven, dake him along"
philadelphia News.
A countrymanv was standing near a
showcase in one Of our leading drug
stores yesterday, when a gentleman came
in and raising the top from a glass jar sit
ting on the case, took a small white pellet
from the jar and put it in his mouth. The
countryman remarked ~ know what
them things is, theys lizard eggs and
Use ploughed them up many a time"
This threw the crowd into a fit of
laughter, but the c%ountryman still stuck
to his assertion and swore he wouldn't
eat &c one of them things" for pay.-News
and Observer.
Young Wife: know very well, mother,
that my husband no longer loves me.
Mother: how do you know it, my
daughter:
"You know he belongs to the fire com
pany%
eyes"
"Well, before we were married, when
we were counting, and the fire bell rung,
he never went to the fire. He said he
would rather pay the fine"
"Well, what does he do now ?"
"Why, now, at the very first sound of
the bell he says duty calls him, and he is
off and away in three shakes of a sleeps
tall
A girls composition on boys: Bows
is men that have not got as big as their
papas, and girls is young women that will
be young ladies by and by. Man was
made before woman. When God looked