davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26
DEAR HUSBAND. CONE HOME,

tAneeed ~ifely misSlye TO Granger member os
the Illinois egislaturcl
Husband, dear hu shani come home 20 me now
From springfslI, - coy and war.
It's lonely without you: why do you not come
And see 10 the things on the farm
You told me when sou were elected last fall
II would but once let you go
You surely would come e'er the winter gone:
OF course believed it was -.
. Husband, dear husband. come home 10 me now,
I'm shifting the oiur Of spring.
You've staid long enough in the capital there
You're much safer under my wing.
The old horse is paw ing the stable like mad,
Th. colt in a terrible stew;
The small brinde hcifer has got a white calf.
And the cattle arr hawling for YOU.
Husband dear husband. come home to me now.
I'd like TO observe hat YOU =" at,
When will you ~; through with Your bills and ne
solves,
And speeches by this one and thAt'
Your mileage is paid by the longest way round,
But take he shortest cut when YOU come
Your speeches are fine tweeil,-dee, hut some way
They don't hide your tweede dee-dum.
The voice Of your Betsy Is calling You. dear;
It's nearly the time 10 make soap.
And some Of the women are saying, my love,
I'm giving YOU most too much rope.
They say there is desperate riirting up there
With widows and maids not a few.
haven't been kissed since the morning You left,
But, Joseph, how is It with you:
Come home Come horne,
You hear me- you rascal. Come home
Chicago Herald.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26

And here in the old Park hotel occurred
the famous trick played on Barnum in Tom
HigSinsons barber shop. which was in the
basement, where there y "A barber shop now
and has been for thirty years. Tom was a
wag and his shop was a famous local Institu-
ton.
Tom. can't I get shaved right awayF the
great Snowman said as lie bounced into the
ahop
Guess not said Tom "ail the chairs are
full and people are waiting"
Can't get any one 10 give me his turnf"
Barnum asked.
You might try that irishman-'
II Was a marvellous Irishman that was re.
ferred to- He looked as if he had been wait
ing for q barber all his life, he was so un-
keinpt and shaggy sbeut the head and face.
Barnum bought him of by promising to pay
his bill while IN the BARRIERS hands. Tom
shaved the Irishman and whispered in his ear
q he shaved He told him he might as well
get his hair cut, and th.n that he had better
have q shampoo. After that he sent him
hack for q hath, and, catching him when he
came out, got him TO have bis hair curled and
his musiache dyed He didn't look anything
like the same lrishman. Tho bill amounted
TO tl5 and odd cents. Barnum paid it and
was delighted with the joke. He had apic-
ture made showing the Celt as he came in and
- be went out, and that picture went all over
the worid-Julian Ralph in Kansas City
Times
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26
Boston Culchaw In Low Life.

In Boston even the street venders feel the
influence Of the Athens Of America This is
the way a salve seller tallls: That's right,
gentleman, come right up. Don't mind th@
east wind, which, as our friend Emerson
used to say. pierces our solitude. This salvs
would have made the Concord Philosopher
stand the weather better. Only three boxes,
and going way down easti How foolish.
Why. a Lowell said, that is the vague Orient.
This salve would cure the vagueness every
time Curat n,inimis. Glad 10 SEE SO many
boys here. Macte, boys, You, too, need at
least one box each. Does Joseph Cook use it
OF course he does, and Matthew Arnold called
for box as soon as he reached this country.
He said he heard it was sweet and light
Move on, gentlemen A box in each hand
and two in your pocket will ballast You.
Ibis tutissinus New York Sun
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26
Great New. for the Bald Hsods.

About three miles from Princeton, Ny, on
the Wilson Warehouse road, in bend Of the
Stevens creek, is a low, msrshy fat about an
acre in size The earth is Of a greenish
color and no weed or grass Of any kind was
ever known to grow in it, and during the
dryest season it is always wet O!d Uncle Peter
Black, native of the Donaldson district,
came to town last August election day and,
according to his habit with jovial friends,
drank too much Late that evening lac sad
died his old gray mule and attempted 10
wend his way home When the rider and
the old mule came TO the creek. either by the
obstinacy Of the mule or by some mystic
hand, the old animal went int" the marsh
and split Uncle Pete The soft. damp earth
proved soothing balm t. tn" bald. aching
head of the old man, and the excitement of
the day was sron forgotten in dreamies'
sleep from which he was awakened next
morning hv the heat uf the sun, to find half
of his head and left side covered with mud
About two weeks after the accident Unc!o
Pete found that all that part Of his body that
had been covered with mud was covered
with fine growth Of Young hair.
ST Valentines pay he cam" t. town and
showed To q number Of our most prominent
men a luNur.Hnt growth ot halr three ana
one half inches in length, covering his left
,5de and half of his head. At first his story
was laughed at, hut. since bald head Is
source Of great annoyance 10 the owner,
few that were sensitive on the loss of hair be
gan 10 view it in a different light For tho
last two weeks about twenty are wearing
skull caps inlaId with this muck. Yesterday
several took of their caps and 70 their great
joy and happiness their heads were covered
with a fine growth Of young hair, but unfor-
tunatelv It was red as a beet,
The owner of the marsh has had 1t in
closed by high plank fence, and sells the
muck at e. pound, and the demand is be
coming 50 great that he can scarcely fill all
the orders Louisville Commercial
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26
MINOR CASUALTIES.

The empress OF Austria recently walked
eighteen miles in one day. The street car
drivers were on strike, probably.-Lowel
Citizen.
Since Tennyson has been raised to the peer
age, his pipe is tine only thing about him that
appears TO be of common ciay.-Lowell
Citizen.
A good looking treasury girl says there
will be plenty Of work next month on the
avenue for the recorder of dudes.-W Washing-
ton Critic.
There are ten different factions in the Ger.
man reichstag. Even Ignatius Donnelly
could find something to suit hin there. Phil
adelphla Call
In the BARRIERS chair: Barber-Have o
little oil on your hair, bosst Victim-Yes,
think it grease with it. Barber-Oh, lard
Next!-WasEingtou Critic.
A most excellent point with respect to Lent
is the fact that 1t lasts only forty days That
was the remark of several leading citizens
with respect to the deluse.-Judse.
Charley Haitewater-Do you notice how
sepulchral my voice isl Mrs. c. H.-That is
quite natural, my dear; 1t comes from the
place of departed spirits, you know.-Life.
II you want to meet all your friends, just
undertake TO run along the street to catch a
train. Every man you ever saw will be on
hand to pass the time Of day.-Philadelphia
Call
evident mat 'Ie negro eaIno. ann oe eSiu'
Ci'eu All oiu uath ny near hAieuse' me-
"a has on. thiitt SIX cniiuiei'' ana YET no
does ho' kho" nail oi 'heni oy hatne-Lo~eii
Citizen
What shall | write aboutf inquired the
would be poet, entering the editorial sane
tumL You had better right about face re-
piled the editor, pointing to the door.-io onk-
ers Statesman.
An Omaha man fired at a burglar the other
night. but his life was saved by pack Of
cards in his vest pocket. The bullet stoppesi
at the ace of spades, evidently TO warn the
burglar that he ought to earn his living
Omaha World.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26
4 Wrong Lookout.

An innocent looking old man was waiting
at the Third street depot for train the other
day, and as he got ready for little walk
around the neighborhooi, Special OftiCer
Button cautioned him to look out for bad
men.
"Yes-much obleegei-Tll do So" replied
the old man. and Off he went.
In abou. half an hour he returned and ex-
hibited n bank check for s25, and asked the
officer where he could get it cashed.
Nowhere That check is worthless.
"Nor'
"Yes, it is Where did you get itf'
Lent man $50 SO that he could get off on
his train, and he put on e. for interest
Didn't warn yOu'"
You told me Ia look out for bad men. but
this fellow wasn't had He had over a dozen
religious tracts in his pocket, and he never
swore nor chewed tobacco nor drank whisky -
We'll, you've been swinded."
And it's all your fault. II you'd SAID look
out for good men Id have my twenty in my
pocket now. The railroad has got 10 make it
up to me or I'll sue somebody. Where's the
head foreman Of the hull bzness. - Detroit
Free Press.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26

In the early days of Denver good Deacon
Smith used to preach at the meeting house
when the congregation was too poor to pay
for preacher, which was about nine months
out of the twelve On certain Sunday
somebody rushed past the church door cry
ing, Fire" just Us the deacon had reached
the point where he Intended to Clinch his re-
marks 4 dozen or more of the congrega-
ton rose and made for the door.
do not leave the house of God in this un-
seemly manner" thundored the deacon.
But" said man at tine door, "it's your
house, deacon
Then run, run, for Gods sake, cause
ralnt insured"-Denver Republican
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26

George Brown, who lives up east Of the
Catholic church, was reading mad dog story
over at Nick OBrien's grocery the other
morning. He thereupon proceeded to dis
gorge this Iurid tale: Once, when he lived in
Ohio, he observed his valuable bird dog act
ing strangely. Securing the dog by stout
chain TO a young tree. he waited to see what
would come of it. In less than two hours
tho dog was ravIng mad. He few at the
young tree and bit it furiously in dozen
places The dog soon died. In about three
weeks the tree went mad Its limbs waved
and thrasbed about, all the bari, fell OF, and
the tree died in horrible agonies -Genesee
dis News.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26
cHlcAGO'S NEW KOBlsM1N.
The Delight Of the City Over the X might
ing of MIR. Pullman.

Never since the great fire of ISL has Chi
cago society been so profoundly agitated as it
was yesterday when 1t became noised about
that King Humhert of Italy had created our
esteemed fellow townsman, Col. George NJ.
Pullman, a knight of the first wafer. At first
grave doubts Us To the genuineness of the re
port were indulged, but when later in the day
1t became known that the rumor was credited
at the headquarters Of the Italian legation,
the joy Of the public burst ali restraints and
manifested itself in every variety of ebulli-
ton
Col Pullman is, we believe. the first citizen
of Chicago who has been honored in so dis
tipguished q manner by royalty, 1t is true
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26

warble, Bermuda is the subject Of my pc ans
Potatoes, onions not to say its be- ans
Let others sing its myrtlcs and its lemons,
Ny muse will celebrate the produce Of its gem
mans.
The lowly onion takes up most the isle;
II dots the land for many mile on mile.
Its perfumes waited 10 our noses,
And minglcs with the scent Of roses.
The smell-wc have TO make the most Of;
The taste-nn mortal here can boast of.
For when they re ripe-thGt very day,
They dig them. pack and ship away.
Potatoes go in countless numb'r.
Not one is left the ground TO cumher.
All are sent of the stock gets short,
And then the CITY is: 'L,t's import
Hartford Daily Times.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26

tnat the shah OF Persia craNed the boon Of
investing the Hon. Frederick II. Winston
with the order of the Yellow Drnmedary, but
the negotiations fell through as soon as the
eminent American diplomat declined 70 ad-
vance the shah the l0,eoo golden piStoles
which his serene majesty expected As an evi-
dence of Mr. Winstons good faith in the
premises
In spite Of these facts which We have stated
ii is true that Mr.. Pullman is the first citizen
of Chicago 10 be recognized and honor"i 10y a
crowned head of Europe As near as Wa can
come 10 1t, Mr. Pullman's elevation TO knight,
hood was brought about in this wiSe: Last
year he made tour through Italy. and " hen
he reached Naples he called upon King Hum
bert and made formal complaint touching
the railroad facilities with which his ma jesty'S
kingdom is and always has been cursed. His
majesty WAS struck at once with the learning,
the elnquenCe. the earnestntss, the sang froii
and the suaviter in mndo of the petitioner.
ani he beSuuGht him t" suggest an lmprovt~
ment, if hc could, upon the system of travel
then IN vogue. Therrupon Mr.. Pullman
caused to lie made 10y the Herculaneum and
Pompeii Manufacturing company lImiter
palace sleeping coach, which he pre-
sented to King Humbelt. with his con.
piments. demanding no recompcuse 70.
the distinguished gift further than the
privilege ot appointing and controlling the
p0rtors for 4id car The grateful potsntste
readily granted this request, for he WAS
charmed, positively delighted with the luNur-
ious innovation introduced by the enterpris-
ing American. For til. next six months
King Humbsrt did nothing hut travel around,
the chances are that he would be travelling
still II he had not been compelled to suspend
operations until after the senate voted him
another appropriation. Al the end Of the six
months the king found himself out of pocket
about 1900, 900 lires, and about this time Mr..
fullmans porter in Naples, one Glacomo
Fiozzo, began buying corner lots and
erecting ten story apartment buildings on the
principal NeapOlitan thoroughfares. Kings,
however are liberal folk. and well can they
afford TO be, even when dealing with a Chi
cago business man So when King Humbert
fell TO thinking of all the pleasures mot to
say benefits he had derived from his six
months experience in Mr.. Pullman's coach,
he paid not even the tribute Of passing
thought to the financial outlay involved, but
rather set his wits TO work at inventing some
means whereby he might further distinguish
the gentleman whom he viewed in the light
of benefactor. The result is this elevation
of Mr. Pullman from the ranks of the hoi
pOlloi TO the dignity and the title Of mar
chese which in The Italian tongue corresponds
TO the knighhocd Of Great Britain. the boo
vars of Russia and the fiambuStules of Siam
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26
"WITA ALL HER FAULTS"

Ng true she writes a sCrawlv hand,
Puts in two IS where on" would do,
And spells dog with an extra g.
But not a gIrl in this wide land
Is half 50 dear, and very few
Dne-tenth as sweet she to me,
Dear thing she sometimes says II seen
They was" Is not" or 80 be you.
Them yours, ''Thcy's good harsh u
my ears,
But she is still my lovely queen,
Whose heart heat, are to mine most true,
And will IL Yet for many years.
Some say that love is blind, and
Would add that love is deaf also
Though grammarlcsS and spelling had,
Nv low is handsome. sweet and shy
The secret Of our love you'd know:
She's only five and I'm her dad
Mark Bennett in Judge
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26

Magistrate TO prisonerl-You are charged
with Icing drunk and dIsorderly, aud assault
ing Dutchman. What have you to say for
yourself!
Prisoner-The policeman arrested me too
soon, yer honor. If b.. had given me time
for two more drinks | would have thrown
my arms around that Dutchmans neck an
cal ed him -hrotner. New York Sun.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26

On one occasion, when was giving baby .
bath, Mr.. Sowser happened in, and it wasn't
q minute before Mr. Bowser had made up his
mind that the child's feet were too large.
Nonsense, Mr.. Bowser! His feet are all
right. See how chubby and healthy they are. /"
Yes, and gaze upon their size! tell you.
he was cut out for giant. In two years my
boots won't fit HIM"
-Pshawl"
You may pshaw all you will. but he's go
ing to be a monstrosity, 1t won't be five
years before you'll see an advertisement in
the papers reading:
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26
Dividing the Burden.

Mrs. Tiptop-Do You know, my dear that
fashion now requires that ladies must wear
Lenten coStumes'
Mr. Tiptop-Lenten costumes! Are they
eXpensive'
Il am sorry TO say they are-fearfully so.
Its some new sort of cloth, but l will have
~ have one, dear, at once
"Humph! Seems TO me I'll he the one that
sill do the repenting Omaha World.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26

Omaha Youth-Ah! Dick, been on an er-
rand see
Little Dick-Yes, ma sent me to the store.
"If your sister is at home | believe III go
around with you, though suppose l oughtn't
to stay long, as I've been to your house so
often lately"
Wish You would-such fun. Say. como in
the back door with me and don't step hard"
"Oh, ho, Arranging little surprise, ehf'
YES, you'll Just laugh TO kill yourself when
you see the way Sis and that Chum of yours
goes on when they think no ones lookin'."-
Omaha World.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26
The scripture Complied With.

II was in an experience meeting in an
African Methodist church over III Virginia
writes Washington correspondent A new
convert had been giving in his confession.
He had told the brethren and the sisters all
the sins of his life, and more too, with all
their aggravations He had confessed 10
every crime known in the statutes and every
sin known TO the decaloSue. When he paused
for breath, gasping at his own wickedness, q
brother in the gallery shouted solemnly
Put out dat lamp" why forf' asked the
pastor. Coz" said the solemn brother, de
viles' sinner done return.-Cor. Boston Trav
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26

Small Girl-My mother says will you please
let her b5-row your little girls pattern for a
dress, coz she wants to make one Just like it
for me. only its goin' to be a good deal bet
ter one, anyhow.
Tell Your mother that she can't have it.
But I've got a pattern Of a good boxed ear
I'd like to send her for your impudence."
Il hope you've Used it at home. maam
Good mornn'"
These little domestic incidents are as
stimulating rs cold ea-Hartford Post.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26

Omaha Girl-Oh. you men are very mys-
FERROUS about your secret societies Guess
you don't know We girls have a secret So
ciety, too.
Omaha Man-Really, did not: YOU have
kept your secret well
Yes, We have one; it was formed last
night; but its object is secret, You know"
Il suppose So
Yes, you see all tie members are 10 be
true to each other under all circumstances"
-Of course"
And tell each other all the secrets they
bear. Isn't it splendidr-Omaha World
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26

Lady lin uptown store,-Why, Mrs. s., is
this you, and in mourningi hadn't heard
that-that-
Mrs S.-Yes, Mr.. S. was laid at rest two
weeks ago.
LADY, en- so shocked Was bis death q
sudden one'
Ms. S.-Very; without warning. He died
of a cold contracted only the day before.
Aren't The shops lovelyl-New York Sun.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26

In the crowd was gentleman from Bos
ton, who stopped and talked with Clevelan'
for a few minutes We were much pleased
to see you in Boston, he said. In fact, your
visit was a success. You have made good
president" Here Cleveland tidgeted and
smiled conscious smile, and the BostOnian
went on: You must come again. Yes, come
up soon and bring Mrs X" Then he passed
on Us if he mad done something smart and be
fore Cleveland could tell him that his wife
did not spell her name with k.-Baltimore
American
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26

Visitor to convict in penitentiary)-Are
you undergoing punishment for your first
offCnset
Convict mot without pridel-No, sir; I've
been up severl times afore
Eisitor-Ah. Then your career must have
been very checkerei onei
Convict-No, my career has been a very
striped one-New York Sun,
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26

Coachman who has approached Mrs..
Brown for more wagesl-What would Mr..
Brown say, mem, if | was to ask him for 9
risef
Mrs. Brown (who knows her husbands
financial disposition)-Well, Henry, as
aever indulge in profanity you must excuR
me from venturing ali expression on that sub
ject-Sew York Mercury.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26
Two CT a Weak Minded Kind.

Chicago Matron-What good girl you
seem to have!
Omaha Matron-Yes, she is an excellent
one. Don't you have good girls in Chicagoi
Il had one once who was just perfect, and
1 despair of ever finding as good one again.
How did You happen to lose herP
"Oh, she was a little weak minded and ran
OF with my first husband. Omaha World
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26

Scene in a street car: New York Man
Good gracious! What Is thisi His hat is
smashed
Philadelphia Man treudIng the paper
What is the natter
New York Man--Must lie an earthquake
Us thrown violently against the window.
There it is again, Let me get out
Philadelphia Man still reading,-Pray lie
calm. this l. an ordinary incident The car
b of the track Philadelphia Gail
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26

ave don't see you very often at the club,
Charley"
NO; the fact is I'm engaged and can't
call an evening my own"
"Going to leave the club, theni'
"Oh, no; l shall be married in April, and
then you may look for me at least three times
q week. philadelphia Call.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26

A fair haired chorister was seeking apart
ments. She knocked at the door of board.
ing house in Y"rkville. She was ushered in
TO the lanilady, who looked at her somewhat
severely, and Remarked:
Il never let rooms to ladies' who are alone.
'Oh, its all right, then" simpered Tottis
"for I'm hardly ever ralone.'-New York Mes
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26
Much to be Thankful For.

Omaha Dame treadingD-Iames Rake, Of
Frankfort. fired four pounds OF shot into his
stomach teaspoonful at time aS Il remedy
for asthma.
Omaha Daughter-Mercy me! 1t didn't
do any good, did it,
The account says he is suffering fearfully
from lead poisoning"
Shouldn't wonder; I'm glad we're homeo-
pathists Omaha W World
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26

Young Man whispering to jeweierl-That
engagement ring bought of You Yesterday
Jeweler-Wbat's tie matter with it. Didn't
1t fit,
Young Man 'cautiously'-SI 1t didn't
have Cd pnce. Gimme collar buttons for il
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26

The Rev. Waldo Messaros, OF Philadelphia,
said from his pulpit the other day: Few men
read the religious press; it is not vivid
enough, there is too mach patchwork. too
much staleness, and there is not the enterprise
Of the secular press
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-26
Not at the Table.

Scene: German class.
Mr. ". describing Malayo Teutonic din
nerl-Ani when the gentleman comes in he
kisses the hands Of all the young ladies pres
ent, and then the hostess kisses him upon the
forehead
Inqusitive Scholar-Don't the young ladies
kiss him, tooi
Mr.. W.-NO, not a. the table
Class howis. Mr.. W. blushes KANSAS City
Luminary