The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-09-14
HUMOR.

HUMOR.
POLICEMEN belong to tho arrestoc-
racy.
In the drama OF life the clerk plays
. counterpart.
"YEs, my child, yes; dun is the fu-
ture tense Of due"
The more you collar and cuff q
Chinaman the better he likes it.
IT is o mysterious dispensation Of
providence that earthquakes never
strike dynamiters, walking delegates,
or Doodle politicians.
DID you hear OF the accident to
Jones?" why, no; what happened to
him?" Well, he fell from his lady's
favor, and broke his engagement"
CALLED back as some suppose. Is not
Entirely Of romantic love-
1t 10 the poet who forgot
To close the dreaded sanctum door.
-Teras SVtings. ,
THREATS of assassination and nihil-
istic plots keep the Cars life under a
cloud. Still, that is consistent, since
there can be no reign without clouds.
-SVthags.
"PAPA, what does f Pl1ribus UnaIm
mean ?" at means one of many my
son." "Well, papa, as you have many
children, amt an ptatrtbtts atnatnl!"
-NeWma1s Independent.
SHE-No! / can't give you another
dance. But I'll introduce you to the
pretti4st girl in the room. He-But 1
don't want to dance with the prettiest
girl in the room. / want to dance with
you.
"WHA1's the matter with your eyes,
Joe?' Been sitting ashes. Bill. The
winds against me, no matter how L
turn" Il never get ashes in my eyes,
Joe?" "How do you avoid it?' Il let
my wife sift them.
The great purpose Of strong drink is
to have man get the ecstasy OF in
toxication and at the same time appear
sober to the persons about him. There
was only one man who habitually sHc-
ceeded in it, and he died of bad car
buncle hundred years ago.-Judge.
LOVERS are prone to self-deprecia-
ton. Said he tenderly, as they sat
looking at the stars: Il do not under
stand what you can see In me that you
love me" That's what everybody
says" gurgled the ingenious maiden.
Then the silence became so deep that
you could hear the stars twinkling.-
Boston Courier.
Two FRIENDS are walking along the
street One of them, pointing to
house, says There's beautiful
place, but it's enough to make man
sad to look at it. Why SOP "On
account of its history; for, despite its
calm and serene surroundings, it was
built upon the groans, tears, wailings,
and blood of widows, orphans, old
men, and struggling women" You
don't say so. Was it built by a railroad
monopolist?" ooh, no; by dentist.
-ArkanSdlC IrGreter.
Ir takes the tusks of 70, 900 elephants
per year to supply the worlds piano
keys, billiard balls, and knife handles.
But when it comes right down to bust
ness, the celluloid factories are obliged
to hump themselves to the fullest ex-
tent to turn out enough bogus ivory to
supply tho demand. The only reason
that ivory is used at all, nowadays,
is because there are not enough cellu-
loid factories to supply the demand,
and they are compelled to use the
genuine article as a substitute.
Sun.
"PEoPLE living over in your county
don't seem to have to pay very high
taxes" said one Dakota man to an
other. "No, we don't. "How do you
account for it ?" "There is whole lot
of land owned by Eastern spectators
and when the assessor comes to any
of it he acts just as if he thought there
was town staken out on every quar-
ter section and when he comes to any
of us we sit around and groan about
the prospect for poor crops. This let's
us down easy on taxes" But isn't
there an Equalizing Board?" "Oh,
yes; but faint no new thing-we make
allowance for it."-Ddkota Bell.