Morning journal and courier., 1887-12-19
CON UNDRUMS.

This conumdrum came to the St. Albans Advertiser by private conveyance from a Rutland county town: "What two rivers in New England ask and answer 8 question: Hoosic and Passumsie."
 The small boys view.-"Ah, my son. said the minister, "I'm glad to see you in the Sunday school at last Is this your first
 Sundaya" "Yes, sir" sHow do you like
 it?' "Oh, guess can stand it until after the Christmas tree. ."-Tid-Bits.
 Small dividends ds-Wife-"John, don't
 you think we ought to get some new carpets
 for the parlore2' dusband-''Yes, I sup-
 pose SO; but when 8 fellows telephone stock
 pays only 1000 per cent. month how in
 thunder can you do anything about carpets?'
 -Tid-Bits.
 Miss Waldo (of Boston, discussing literary
 Mir. Wabash2" MT. Wabash (of Chicago, who
 is keeping up his end of the conversation
 with difficulty l-er-yes, Miss Waldo,
 I have read Homo some, but not great
 deal. ."-New York Sun.
 Miss De Ferguson (who has just returned
 from an opera)-"O, Gus, it was splendid!
 Why didn't you go? You don't know what
 you've lost" Brother Gus (who has spent
 the evening somewhere else, feeling abstract
 edly in his vest pocket)-"Don't l? Good
 Lord"-Chicsgo Tribune.
 tsColonel," :" said Kentucky lady to her sick husband, "the doctor says the ice water you taking does you so much good that
 he thinks he will further increase the dose. !" ''But my dear," expostulated the sick colen-
 el, "does he understand that it has already been increased to teaspoonful three times 6 daya'-New York Sun.
 An unfortunate selection-Miss Smith
 (whose brother has just. arrived from Texas)
 Duke, you are making perfect exhibition of yourselfI" Duke Continuing the exhibi- tion)-"I don't care rap. You can dress me up in due clothes, make me cut my hair and insist on my sayin' 'ither for either,' but when the band strikes up The Old Keg,' I'm goin' to dance Alamo style or bust. Pluck. A gentleman once saw 8 boy peeling the bark from one of his choice trees with 8 hatchet. The gentleman tried to catch the boy, but the latter was too quick for him, so the farmer changed his tactics. "Come here, my little son" he said, in soft hute- like voice with counterfeited friendliness; ''come here to me minute. want to tell cipient, s'little boys like me don't need to know everything. ."-Texas Siftings.
 Two lads who were standing 8 few days ago before store window in which the sign stIci on parle Franchise" was displayed were overheard trying to decipher the legend. Finally the younger of the boys, with an ac- cent that would make ordinary hotel menu French seem classic, read the line over aloud and said, in superior conclusive way: II tell you, Billy, it's kinder French skatin' parlor they keep in there" Billy seemed en- tirely satisfed.-Philadelphi Press. The parish clerk was told to give out the notice, ''On Sunday next the service in this church will be held in the afternoon and on the following Sunday it will be held in the ID orning, and so on alternately until further notice" What he actually did give out was as follows: ''On Sunday next the morning service in this church will be held in the af- | ternoon and on the following Sunday the af- and so on to all eternity. ."-Tenple Bar. A little ive-year-old who had been to Sun | day school for the first time came home puff | ed up with importance over what he had ! learned Mamma" said he, "do you know | about Lots wifes" IA little," she said, "but | tell me what you know" So the little fellow \ told his story very earnestly, becoming posi- ! lively dramatic when he reached the climax ! unto Lots wife, skate for your life and don't you look back; but she did look and turned < somersault. ."-Harper's Bazar.
 Careless legislation is not rare. Here is sample from Manitoba which certainly ranks | among curiosities in law making: ''No per | son catching any animal that has been adver Il tised by the owner as lost or strayed shall b. ! liable to fine or imprisonment unless he shal establish to the satisfaction of the court tha | he took immediate and proper measures tt | inform the owner of the animal of its having ! been caught" So that man charged witl | detaining au animal escapes punishment i | he abstains from proving that he tried to re | store the beast.-Teronto Mail.