Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-02-23
THE HUMOROUS PRESS.

| "A oODOf, DAOuSu ldy lug no CldlmS U(
the distinction of a biographer, is
nevertheless, a Fighter Of mems af
fairs.
"WHAT will follow the toboggan p
asks an exchange. Another toboggan
interval about 80 seconds Burline
ton Free Press.
81 WOULDN'T be q fool, if [ were
you," said Jones to g. friend. eff YOU
were meyou wouldn't be fool" was
the reply.-The Judge.
| A PETRIFIED Indian has been ex-
humed in Arizona. The savage is sup
posed to have been petrifed with as
constituent on discovering an honest
Indian agent.-San Francisco News
Letter.
A MANUFACTURER out West informs
US, and wishes us to inform the Ameri-
can public, that his patent buzz-saw
has just captured the finger of scorn,
and that it will never again be point.
d at any one.-Puck.
AN inventor at Stuttgart is said to
have perfected machine for deaden-
ing the sound of piano. 1t will not
be success. The only sure way to
pianist. Utica Observer.
In speaking of the election the other
day q young lady of Whitby, Cam,
asked why it was the elections were
being held there this year. She said
that last time they were held at Bow
manville, for she was there then visit
ing.
FATHER Ito daughter) -"Have you
accepted the addresses of Mr.. Money
bags?" Daughter Eyes, papa"
Father-"Well, isn't he very old, my
dear?" Daughter-"Yes, papa; but
he isn't nearly as old as I wish he
were. New York Sun.
IT took $315 worth of flowers to
bury the last alderman who died In
New York. When somebody asked
Douglas Jerrold for a. sixpence to bury
q balliff, Jerrold replied: Here's q
shilling. Bury twol" The moral is
obvious.-Boston Herald.
"ORLANDo, | didn't see you with
Miss Brown at the concert last night. !"
"No, Percy. I'm not calling on her
any more. | can't until she retracts
what she said the other week." "Ah
what did she say ?" "Well, she said
/ needn't call any more" -Harper's
Bazaar.
Youth lin the BARRIERS chair)-I
say, do you think I'll ever have a
mustache?" Barber latter thorough
examination) Well, l can't say as I
do. "Hen, that's very odd. Why,
my governor has tremendous
mustache." "Ah, that may be; but
perhaps you take after your ma. y
Worcester Gazette.
Toni don't see why so many
people make fuss over that Miss
Jones; she isn't any better looking or
as nice as some of the other girls.
Harry-That's true, my dear boy, but
| her pa is q millionaire. That's why
she carries SO high a head. Tom-Oh,
that's it, is it? She holds up her
head by g. cheque reign.
England who had glebe lands believed
in the rotation of crops. Many years
ago an archdeacon visited one of these
clergymen and was Mortified to find
that the churchyard was sown with
| barley. Intending to rebuke this
dissertation, he said in q severe tone:
''This must not occur again." ooh.
dear no p replied the bucolic rector,
cit will be turnips next year."
A YOUTHFUL traveller on the Balti-
more & Ohio road was curious to
know the meaning of certain signposts
| along the track. Conductor" asked
he, "What does W. and r. mean ,"
"Why, ring and WHISTLE" was the re-
ply. There was silence for some time,
when the young man observed: 81
can see well enough how W. stands for
| ring, but Pm blessed if I can see how
r. stands for whistle. "-Harper's
| Bazaar.
AS those who have been to his Office
know, Gen. Black, commissioner of
pensions, has a pure Ethiopian, with
Interchangeable skin, for his doorkeeper,
and a very good doorkeeper he
| is. Recently Congressman O'Donnell
went up to the commissioner Office
and, meeting the black man at the
door, he stopped. "Are you Gen.
Black" he said, banteripgly. "No,
sah," replied the doorkeeper. Else
not Gen. Black. Ise jis' plain, COM
mon black, sab. Gen. Blacks inside,
sab" The congressman gave the
doorkeeper cigar and went inside
Washington Critic.
A FEW days ago one of the teachers
in school not far from St. Paul was
telling the children about Pharaoh's
daughter finding the babe in the bull
rushes. ''Now Children" said she,
Chow many of you know anything
about Moses?" Only one hand went
up. CHATS right, Jimmy; I'm glad
to see there's one in the school who
has heard of him before. Now, who
was Moses ?" "He's the TELLER was
they wanted to know where he wot
when the light went OUT" exclaimed
Jimmy with great gusto. That ended
the Bible lesson for the day.-St Paul
Herald.
WHEN Peabody Jamison started
down town the other morning his wife
said: "Now, Peabody, stop at the
grocer's sind getsomething for supper"
"All right, I will, if I get time." Even
ing came, and when Peabody arrived
at the hOuse his wife accOste6 him