The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1887-03-09
WIT AND HUMoR.

| hoN PfOfokAH0s L WAS Just gong 10
steal kiss She Gngenuously} Hes
awfully nearsighted, Chauley-awfully,
-Ttd-BaS.
Ii is a curious fact that fieas are
Matched from eggs; curious because one
would hardly think that flea could sit
still long enough to lay an egg.-Bxr-
lfngt0a Free Press.
1t has been remarked that the youth
who wears the tallest collar and carries
the largest stick wears the smallest hat:
but why it is nobody seems to know
Philadelphia Cali.
A phrenologist says that 'fullness
under the eve denotes language" :"
When the fullness is caused by another
mans tist 1t denotes very bad language,
| generally.-NorrtStoacH Herald.
She-"And you are really better. pro-
fessor. since you came to live in Hamp-
steadG" He-.'o. yes. different man
altogether" She-"How pleased all
your friends win beI'-Teras SJftings.
IF a lady is beautiful. my son." said
latter-day Lord Chesterfield. never
fail 10 refer to her beauty" What am
to do when the lady is plain?' Just
the same; stick to the beauty. boston
Record
George to Celeste-Your papa is not
here, dearest? Celeste-No; he is be-
hind time tonight. George-Then
come to my arms. As long as he isn't
behind me, l care not where he is
Washington Critic
A contemporary SAYS: I'VE con-
sumed much more pig-Iron the first six
months of this year than during the
corresponding period of last year. I"
Better move back to the old boarding
house.-Net0 Racen Netrs.
"Why, yes" said Blobson. speaking
of logical conclusion to Mrs. Popin
jay, and rather allowing his earnestness
TO get the better of MIN. Its perfectly
plain to me-as plain as you are. -
burlington Free Press.
Citizen Ito farmer)-How are things
out your way. Mr.. Hayseed? Mr. Hay.
seed (gloomily)-They couldn't be
much wuss. Ny wife and three cows
are down with pleuro-pneumonia.
refused a hundred dollars apiece for 'em
| only last week.-Life.
Chief of Police-.'You want a place
in the detective Department. Appli-
cant-"Yes, sir. am willing to under
( take" Chief of Police-"You can
60. Our bureau is full of undertakers.
| am looking for detectives who can
overtake. "-ihiladelphia Call
Constance (sentimentally. viewing
| ruins of an old milD There is always a
touch of pathos TO me. Clarence, in in
| completeness; that crumbling wall, the
| broken wheel, a shattered life
| Clarence. gloomily Qhinking of last
righD-Or bob-tail iiush.-N 7. San.
Two young women were gazing in
| shop window. Said one, ''lsn't it n
love of bonnet! Tn tempted to buy
it. even if it is expensive" Said the
other, mo, don't you do it; you are too
excited now. You would be sure to re-
| gret it tomorrow morning. IN Y. Sun.
At the Office of a physician in the Rue
| Notre Dame: Patient-''Can you tell
me when will be sure to find the doc
tor alone?" Scrvant-"You would do
well to come during his hours of con-
sultation, monsieur, between 2 and 4.
He is always alone then. "-F'rench
Fun.
Featherstone-Didn you have a good
| soht of time at the Vanderslice's s, Lite
waite? Litewate-Beastly, weally.
| Featherstone-That's vewy odd. Why,
they say wine flowed like water all the
| evening. Litewate-Ya-as. that was it,
| you know-too much like watah.-
Rambler.
maria. wish you would keep STILL"
said Brown, trying to write. Your
| tongue is like 'Tennyson's Brook it
goes on forever" "Humpr' answered
Mrs. b., Indignantly, Il suppose
you think that's joke" '.Well. 1
meant it for sort of a gag. ."-Neto
| York San.
Mrs. De Crashville Go her husband
who is going to the city)-Don't forget
the florist, dear-and Tiffany-and
that little package at Arnold's, and
let's see, there was something else-O,
run in on my lawyer, won't you, and
see how the divorce proceedings are
coming onl = It'd Bits.
Landlord-Your rent has been due
for six weeks Tenant know it.
Landlord you pay it to-dayP
Tenant-No. Landlord not?
Tenant-See here, don't want to be
bothered in this wav. Landlord-But
l want my rent. Tenant Indignantly
Sooner than pay that rent FL move.
| -Iad-Btts.
George" she murmured fondly, "do
you believe in supporting monopoly"
mo, dear, / don't Ibelieve in helping
monopoly along just as little as l
can. But why do you ask?n 20, |
| don't know, only | thought maybe if
you didn't you would have turned down
the gas" George turned. -Nee0 Hauen
Ne,rS.
| Minister Gin grocery store)-I am
pleased to see, Mr.. Sugarsand, that
motto on the wall, Honesty is the best
policy" 1t will pay you from busi-
ness point of view, to say nothing of
anything else. Mr.. Sugarsand (hope-
fully)-I hope so, sir. but haven't tried
it long enough yet to make fair test
of it-N y San.
Bagley-Ah, De Bags! where art
thou going with the hobby-horseP De
Baggs-'Iis for little Jimmy, my young
est sprout Bagley (sagely)-It's costly
business to have children. De Baggs-
(gloomily)-I should say so. Every
time start out to buy a 50-cent toy
meet somebody l know and then away
goes a dollar or two for cigars and
Philadelphia Call
Smith-"Say. didn't you tell me that
young Jones was a good bookkeeperp
Fogg-''Why, yes, 1 believe l did u
Smith-s'Well, he amt; he can't tell an
inventory from flexible roller" Fogg
-"All | know is, that | loaned him
about half of my library and he has
never returned them, SO / supposed be
was a good bookkeeper. ."-Detrott Free
Press.
Doctor X is little hot tempered
! and when he got into a dispute the
other day with an acquaintance in /;
street-car and became very insolent the
, latter exclaimed: Monsieur, you hav,
insulted me, and you will receive M
seconds. And you viii not have the ad
vantage you do with your patients, fo
1 viii not give you the choice of arms.
French Fun.
A St Louis bank cashier says this il
the way to tell twenty-five from {
twenty-cent piece: ''On the quarter thu
eagle is looking over its right wing
and on the twenty-cent piece over th'
left wing" The chances are twenty
five to twenty that if that eagle looked
him straight in the eye the cashie
! would skip to Canada Philadelphia
Nescs.
Magistrate-You say you are +,
tourist? Prisoner-Yes, sir. / low
. nature in all her radiant beauty
Magistrate (hastily)-Never mind that
How much money have you about you
clothes? Prisoner-Seventy-fve cents
Magistrate (severely)-Then 1 shall
commit you as tramp. We draw tn,
line between tourists and tramp at 81
: Philadelphia Call.