Morning journal and courier., 1887-10-04
HUMOROUS.

'sIs this the mail carp asked passenger "Yes, sir, D replied the humorous conduc- tor; "this is the smoker."-Yonkers States man.
 The single eyeglass is worn by the dude The theory is that he can see more with one eye than he can comprehend.-Ex change.
 "The story of worm that eats steel rails is declared to be hoax" This surprises us We supposed it was an internal 1ie.-Norris- town Herald.
 Teacner-Bobby, what do you know about the oceans
 Bobby Qoudly)-Big ships sail on it. Teacher-And what do they do on the big ships when the sea runs high in stormy weatherl
 Bobby-Drink brandy and lemon juice.- Town Topics.
 The editor of an esteemed contemporary wonders how he will get his clothes on over his wings when he gets to heaven. Don't worry dear brother, on that score. You may ' sometime find dificUl-- a getting your boots on over your cloven hoots or making your hat ! cover your horns, but don't you bother about ! the ewings.-Minneapolis Tribune. s'I saw at once," said physician who had l been called in consultation, ''that Dr. Pellets diagnosis was wrong; but as he was in charge | of the case, of course it wouldn't do for me to i interfere"
 "Did the patient dies" 'tOh, yes; died of professional courtesy | a very common and fatal disease. ."-Harper's l Bazar.
 l Last season short-lived extravagance was paper which had the appearance of having | been rescued, half consumed from the fire. With paper and envelopes of this somewhat startling fashion young man sent note l through the postofice to young lady friend. l When it came to her it had been stamped by ! hO16 lat
 Received in this condition. "-Courier. l There was only one match in the crowd of I four men, each of whom had cigar ready l to light 'fLet me strike it," said one, "I'm an Irishman." He struck the attitude ss- sumed by a contemplative stork, took the l match and swiftly keelhauled it. The effort I was failure, the head being broken off and 1 lost. ''By Jarge!" he exclaimed, q forgot was naturalized last monthF'-Chicago l Tribune.
 1 Don't you think autumn, with it's bounti- ! full display of fruits and crops, is the finest | season of the year, Farmer Robinson| que
 ried the city guest. Why, the trees are | golden fruit"
 "Yes, miss, there are more pesky little ! cider apples than I know what to do with.
 It's hard outlook for prohibitionist like ! myself. ."-Hartford Post. l LAW, say, Clawrence, you know how | fwisky bee-ah makes some fellahs?" ] "Yes, weecolect dwinking hawf glaws | myself once."
 1 "Do you know why it is that it makes a l fellah so lively?"
 | ''No, Clawrence."
 I 'tWell-ha. ha-it's-sh-it's because of the hops that's in it. Washington Critic Stranger (to Kansas City citizen)-Those ! three corner lots of yours are fine property, captain. Citizen enthusiastically
 propertys Why, great Scott, man, there
 aint nothing like 'em west of the Illinoy
 river. Two years from now they'll be in the
 heart of the city an people will fairly howl for lem. They ought to come under the head | of jewelry, not real estate. If you want to
 buy that property, stranger, you've got te
 | bny it by the inch. Stranger-Tm not buy
 ! ing property this morning. Pm the new tax
 assessor The citizen falls in 8 ft.-Life.