The Irish standard., 1887-03-12
''STANDARD" BREVITIES.

SIANUAhU 0hlvlllLO.
How would it do to remove the Rocky
Mountains to the seaboard and use
them as coast defences?
The man who is anxious to become a
vcrack shot, should practice with one
of these insect-powder guns.
Some young men are improved by
travel, especially if they do not travel
on ocean steamers. and learn to gamble
in the smoking saloons.
A traveller who recently returned
from England and who witnessed Gil
bert and Sullivan's new opera says it
ought to be called Bloody Bore"
A contemporary advertises for a sena-
tor without a presidential bee in his
bonnet. Well, now, there's Warner
Miller. He might have had it, but he's
cured.
An Indian squaw is happiest when
she is wearing a mans tall hat and has
on corsets over her other clothes. 1t is
human nature. Some of these red sis
tiers actually wear feathers and paint
their faces.
At the opera. II can't explain the
success of that singer" Neither can
L." s'She sings through her nose most
atrociously.'' perhaps that is the rea-
son why every one is waving handker-
chief at her,
The Marquise de Calinaux, who is still
somewhat giddy, wrote to one OF her
friends recently, ''My daughter has just
given birth to son. Tell the news to
our friends; but you needn't mention
the fact that am grandmother"
It is estimated that the beggars of
Rome receive $4,000, GOO year in aims,
and that 500 of them are worth from
$4,000 to $25.0OO each. Henry Georges
land theories would have very little
weight with this class of paupers.
A Chicago paper says, ''Three hun
bred ladies and two thousand male
hunters joined in a fox chase in Pike
county" One is at loss to guess
whether the two thousand male hunters
were men or dogs. Probably both were
included.
Scene-Kitchen. Lady Of the house
-"Cook, the soup was excellent to-day.
Where did you get the receipt?' Cook
Q8O pounds), proudly-'Ah! missus,
glad to hear yer say so. You know I
invented 1T is a fact-that is, it
come out o. my-hem--poeticle i'm
aginashun!"
"A correspondent in the South sends
us this account of a prayer which a
lady overheard from the lips Of an old
darkey in Charleston during the earth
quake period, "Do, Lord, come down
and help us. Don't send your Son. It's
no time to be sendin' de cbillen. Do,
dear l ord, come yourself ~
A well-known professional gentleman
said concerning the general assembly
investigation and it's hang-fire devel-
opments that it reminded him of mo-
tion made by a Connecticut legislator
on the famous ''dard day." The men,
Der rose in his seat, and with quivering
voice exclaimed, ''Mr. Speaker" I move
who's afraid!'
Artist" What on earth are they do
ing? Raising the ceiling?" Janitor-
Eyes, sir; the committee say they
haven't got room enough" ''But the
pictures on the top row can hardly be
seen now?'' ''Well, I heard one Of the
committeeman say that they we're going
to hang one of your pictures and they
would need some place to put it,
When Hobbs returned to his country
nome after his brief visit to the metro
polls, he was asked if he saw many
strange things in the city. ''Wal," re-
piled Hobbs, II dunno. seen a lot a
Gurus things, that's fact; but guess,
by the way them city folks stared at
me, that was about as big curiosity
as there was in the hull CITY,"
A young Questioning called on Au-
relien School the other day, and at once
started conversation about literary
work and it's responsibilities. "Ah!''
sighed the lady, ''my imagination often
runs away with me. Only the other
day l finished writing a romance in
which things were so strongly put that
mamma has forbidden me to read it,"
s'There's man," he said, pointing to
a gentleman three or four seats ahead
of him in the car, ''who picked up a
piece of pine land two years ago for
nothing, and has made $4,000 out OF
it, ''Ah, yes. happen to know the
case" LUCKY dog, eh?" Every
lucky. 1t was government pine, and he
has Just settled with Uncle Sam by pay:
ing $50, 900 and COSTS"
at the hospital. Physician-''l con-