The Newberry herald and news. (Newberry, S.C.) 1884-1903, 1887-11-03
Bill Nye Writes the Presidents = she
Vile Speech for Him.

Bill Nye wrote speech for the
President to deliver at Asherille, as
follows:
Felloeo Citizens Of AsheviUe and Bun
com5e County, and Brother TorheelS
from Aocay Buck:
III were faithful Mohammedan
and believed that l could never enter
heaven but once would look upon
Buncombe Comfy and despair ever
afterwards. (Four minutes for ap-
plause to die away.) Asheville is
$3.50 feet above tidewater. She is
the hot. bed Of the invalid and the
home Of the physical wreck who can
not live elsewhere, but who comes
here and lives till he gets plum sick
of it. Your mountain breezes and
your fried chicken bear strength and
healing in their wings. (Hold valve
open two minutes and 9 half to give
laughter full scope.l Your altitude
and your butter are both high, and
the man who cannot get all the fresh
air he wants on your mountains will
do we'll to rent one of your cottages
and allow the wind to meander
through his whiskers. Asheville is a
beautiful spot. where peri could
put in highly enjoyable summer,
picnicing along the Swanannoa
through the day and conversing with
Plum Levy at his blood curdliny
barber shop in the cleaning. Moth
ing can possibly be thrillinger than
to hear Plum tell of the hair.breadth
escapes bis customers have had in his
cosy little shop.
The annual rainfall here is 40.2
inches, while smoking tobacco and
horned cattle both do we'll. Ten
miles away stretches Alexander's.
You are only thirty,fve miles from
Buck Forest. Pisgah Mountain is
only twenty miles from here, and
Tahkeeaste Fern is only mile
away, with its name extending on
beyond as far as the eye can reach.
The French Broad River bathes your
feet on the right and the sun-kissed
Swannanoa, with its beautiful bor-
ders of rhododendrous, sloshes up
against you on the other side
Mount Mitchell, with an altitude Of
Sill feet and An annual rainfall
of 52.S inches, is but twenty miles
distant, while Lower Hominy is near,
aud Helps Half Acre, Sandy Mush
and Blue Ruin are within your grasp.
The sun never lit up cutter little
town than Asheville. Nature just
seemed to wear herself out on Bun
combe County and then took what
she had left over to make the rest Of
the country. Your air is full of Wig
or. Your farms get up and bump
themselves on one side or in the mid
die, so that you have to wear pair
of telegraph-pole climbers when you
go to dig your potatoes. Here you
will see the japonica, the ionquill and
the jaundice growing side by side in
the spring, and at the cheese foundry
you can hear the skipper calling to
his mate.
Here is the home of Gen. Tom
Clingman, who first originated the
idea of using tobacco externally for
burns, scalds, ringworm, SPAWN
pneumonia, Bright's disease, poll
evil, pip, garget, heartburn, earache
and financial stringency. Here Ran
dolph & Hunt do your job printing
for you and the Citizen and the -Ad
vance will give you the news.
You are on a good line of railroad
and like your air very much, aside
from the air just played by your
home band. Certainly you have here
the making of great city. You have
pure air enough here for city four
times your present size, and although
I have seen most all the Switzerlands
of America think that this is in ev-
cry way preferable. People who are
in search of Switzerland of Ameri.
ca that they can be relied upon will
do well to try your town.
And now, having touched upon ev-
ervthing of national Importance that
| can think of, l will close by telling
you little anecdote which will per-
haps illustrate my position better
than l could do it in any other way.
(Here ! insert humorous anecdote
which has no special bearing on the
political situstion, and during the
ensuing laughter the train pulls OUT
BILL NYE.