Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-12-14
FROM THE FUNNY PRESS.

"WELL, Grubber, good morning.
Are you as much of q fool as ever ?"
go, no, not quite. I've lost seven
pounds since last April. p Burdette.
Miss DEwDRoP-Don't you think
Mr.. Rosebush has very sensitive
mouth? Miss Rayne (blushing vio-
lently)-How should I know It'd
Bits.
THE poet who sang "I owe no man
dollar" unconsciously paid high
tribute to the business sagacity Of
the community in which he lives. y
Puck.
"ToMMY, what do you say TO Mr..
Tomkins for giving you that apple?"
'Thank you" ''Thank you what,
Tommy" "Thank you,f old man."
-[Epoch.
YOUNG WIFE--I wonder the birds
don't come here any more? I used to
throw the bits of cake I made, and
Young Husband-That accounts for
it.-[N. Y. Sun.
WILLIAM O'BRIEN's trousers have
now become indissolubly connected
with the great land question in Ire
them Albany Times.
ILLINOIS reports chicken with four
legs, and new Jersey g. pullet with six
wings. But what we want is a chick
en- with eight breasts, SO as to go
around a. small family Philadelphia
Call.
MAID, trembling, to her aesthetic
mistress-"What is lost in French ?"
Mistress-"Perdu." Maid-"Oh, yes;
perdu! Well, am sorry to say the
Scotch terrier is perdu."- Waterbury
American.
GUIDE, explaining the view of noun
tain to g. party-And here is the place
where a young lady jumped off and
committed suicide. Lady-From
melancholy? Guide-No, me'am;
from Boston, Judge.
MOTHER Ito 4-year.old)-If your
dolly has been SO naughty as you say,
Flossie, why don't you give her good
whipping? Flossie (thoughtfully-.
thing New York Sun.
IT being remarked that man, late
ly deceased, "started with p hod and
quit with Million" q youngster in
the company excla med, Cpd rather
start with hod q dozen times than
die worth million once;"
"Do you run this bar on the anti
treat principle? ?" asked a facetious
chap at the Aston House bar the 9TH
er day. eyes, said the attendant,
eve make every man ANTE when he
treats. - Texas Siftings.
"WoMEN cannot be satirical," said
q writer, "any more than they can be
humorous" So? How is it that when
a man, after counting girl for seven
years, proposes, she says, "Oh ! George,
this is SO sudden. y Boston Courier.
"CAN you tell me-" wrote Mabel,
"what can do to change the color of
my hair? 1t is red, and | am afraid
to use dye" "Get rich," wrote the
editor in reply, land the newspapers
will change it to auburn or gold. p
Philadelphia Call.
OVERHEARD at the card-room at the
club, where four grave and silent gen.
tlemen are seated at whist. Enter
Dumley. Dumley-Aha, gentlemen,
playing whist? Grigson Cooking up,
rather wearily) -No, Dumley; we are
playing four. handed solitaire!
81 SAY pard," exclaimed an old
topper to another, "isn't it about time
we began to follow the example of the
Knights of Labor in dealing with the
federated unions?" "What's that 20
asked his companion. "Treat on
even terms pr Burlington Free Press.
"YoUNG man." said the minister Inn
pressively, 81 can see you as you sat
at the gaming table last night, with a.
deep red flush on your face" "E1.:
cuse me, but you are wrong about
that-deep red flush. Bill Jenkins had
it, in rs hand. ~ Washington Critic.
"THERE is no such thing as failure
till man gives up,' says Brick POM
eroy. Bricks business. experience
must have been limited. There was q
failure only last week in Boston, where
the men who failed positively wouldn't
give up anything LSomerville- Jour-
nal.
Nor more than one Chinese woman
In g. thousand can read or write. So
that when a wife in that country finds
a perfumed note in her husbands
pajama pocket, he can look her
in the eye and tell her that it
is a bill from the drug store The
Earth.
, FR1END-Don't cry so, dear, Char
ley was a real good husband. Widow
I know it. | don't believe I'll ever
get any one like him again. Every
body knows he was SO good to me
that in common decency [ can't try
again for ever so long. Boo-hoo.-
Flown Topics.
MODEL husband (bosstfully)-Yes,
gentlemen, I've been married ten
years and never spent % night away
from homeyet Doubling Thomas
Charge and interesting family, Ell ?"
"Only three of u.s." "Have one child,
Ell p" mo, the other is my wife's
mother. y Burlington Free Press.
''WHAT's all this racket" asked a
travelling man, as he got off the train
in Philadelphia. They're eelebrat-
ing the signing of the United States
Constitution" "Why, that happened
8 hundred years ago." eyes" Sand