The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-04-30
MAYOR HEWITT.
His Trials, TribUlahions and Odd Expe-
riences-Demands Upon His Time.

MAYOR HEWITT.
His Trials, Trioulations and Odd Expe-
riences-Demands Upon His Time.
From the Ne,c York Tribune.
One of the most necessary qualifications
of useful Mayors strong sense of humor.
If he has that to relieve him. he can grow
fat and run the town at the same time.
There are lots of occurrences in the Mayors
Office funny enough to make salt herring
smile. Ii he be so unfortunate as to lack
appreciation, the chances are ten to one that
when his term of Office is over he won't
have a sign of liver. A good story is told
of an officiouS, meddleSome person who
was always getting himself and other people
into the most wretched messeS on account
of weii-meant but always misplaced inter
ferences. He lived somewhere in Jersey and
Travelled, as thousands of suburban residents
do, back and forth from New York on the
trains every day. Late one evening while
going home he espied gentleman sitting in
the car a few seats ahead of him asleep The
train had just pulled up at a station, and the
meddlesome man thought it was the town
where the sleeping man lived. Knowing
how extremely annoying it would be to be
carried past his house, be rushed up to the
sleeper, shook him vigorously and called,
Nv AXE up wake up! you get out here!h
The man woke, rubbed his eyes,
and hurried out only to find hun
self in a strange place, ten miles
from his home The tain was gliding
off and he ran after it, shouting vociferousiy
and franticaliy waving his umbrella in the
air. The meddlesome man heard the row
and poked his head out of the window. He
thought he comprehended the situation at
glance "Ah," he said, Sl1npathetically,
'hes left his bag and running forward he
picked up a satchel and chucked it quickly
out of the window His CONSERVATION may
be imagined when an irate passenger seized
him by the throat and cried: What the
mischief did you fling my bag out there for,
slr!"
This story was once told to citizen then
occupying the Mayors office He received
ii in deep silence, and then calmly re-
marked; How very provoking" IL is need
less to add that he made an exceedingly poor
Mayor.
AS THE REPRESENTATIVE OF HYMEN.
Few weeks pass in the Mayors office with
out his being called upon to unite two happy
hearts in marital felicity. Ii is sad to re-
cord that not all these ventures turn out as
delightfully."- as the couples fond antici-
pations may have pictured. Recently a
Chinaman and great robust Irish girl pre-
| scented themselves before his honor and
| asked to have the glad word spoken which
make Celt and Mongol one. 1t was spoken
and the moon-eyed Celestial beamed up
ware. toward his lofty bride as he promised
to do the proper thing in the way Of
her maintenance. But the period of the
honeymoon had not passed before he was
back again i'll the Mayors Office.
''Me Yung Ling. Yo mally me an Nell
kee gal. Me wantee divloss. Me no livee
gal likee that"
why, what's the matter, Mr. Yungl"
Il, H.
| gin, pint gin evely day; gin an beer; Nell
kee beer, ten bottle alice time. No stoppee
alice time drunk, lie abound likee smoke
Cost heap many dollah buy gin Melikee
| gallee no good.
Thus in woe ended a Romance of Two
Races.
The majority of civil marriages are de-
sired by foreigners who are not adherents of
| any church, but many persons come to the
| Mayor on the theory that he will be less
| stringent in enforcing The law about age
than clergymen A few days ago portly,
elderly man, handsomely dressed, came be-
| fore Mayor Hewitt with a bright, saucy-
| looking little girl on his arm. She said she
was II, but, though her figure showed re-
merkably quick development, the Mayor
was convinced that she could not possibly
be more than Is. They asked to be married
"You are only child,n said Mr. Hewitt
| "You must have the consent of your
parents"
II have no parents" she replied
Then of your guardian
Il am the only guardian she has, the
man said. II have known her ever since
| she was born. She is the daughter of an
old friend of mine ! wish to provide for
her and can best do it if she is my WIFE
The Mayor looked them over keenly. He,
| 80 if a day, cold-looking, with steel-gray
eyes and a hard, unfeeling mouth; she,
| thoughtless, barely over the threshold of her
teens, wholly inexperienced; both we'll
dressed, evidently well-placed in life, asking
| to be married. There must be motive, but
| the Mayor could not see it,
| Il won't marry YOU he said
sit is your duty to do so,n the man an
| swered angrily.
80, well, never mind" the little girl in
teTTupted, somebody else will"
The way Mayor is blacl1mailed is fearful
The Society for the Encouragement of the
| Use of Sawtiust among the Poyponesian
Races, for instance, is going to give ball
| The secretary sends the Mayor ten tickets at
| 81 80 each If he doesn't take them and
I send his check for the tariff promptly, he
| soon receives a note begging to remind him
| of the great necessity in which the Polypone-
sian Races stand for Sawdust. If he still fails
to remit, Heaven help him when he comes
up for reelection. The public has no concep-
1
blackmail is carried ON.
1t really seems as if every poor unfortu-
nate who finds himself stranded in great
| city considers its Mayor bound to come TO
his relief A dashing little woman sent her
card into Mr.. Hewitt the other day. He re
ceived her. She entered pretty sad, fearful.
80. sir" she said, I'm SO unhappy Pm
an actress and J came here expecting to OBJ
tain an engagement. But / didn't get it,
and my last cent is gone. I'm so hungry. "
Hungry cried the Mayor. "A woman
hungry in my town! Mr.. Berry!'
Mr.. Berry is the Mayors secretary, a
handsome, charming fellow, with brown
eyes and a picturesque beard.
| Eyes, sir" said Mr.. Berry.
"This lady says she IS hungry"
"Im quite at the lady's service" replied
| Mr.. Berry, picking up his hat and stick.
| They went over TO the Astor House, and
poor Berry sat there and watched ~ worth
of steak, eggs. potatoes, coffee celery, peas,
olives and ice-cream disappear beyond tho
borders of those exquisite red lips, while
Mademoiselle, the actress, beamed gratefully
upon him and told her story of wasted hope
and fiaal despair she said she lived in
| Philadelphia, and he bought her a ticket
home and saw her Off. The Mayor footed
| the bill.
Thus, in a constant succession of comedies
and tragedies which pass into shadows more
or less dinly seen before his ewes, glides