Wichita eagle., 1887-01-15
WANT TO TRY THE PLATFORM.
The Manager of a Lecture Bureau Tells
of His Trials and Tribulations.


Sat about this time of the year, when
the woodchuck takes farewell view of
the clover field and goes head first into a
hole" says the manager of lecture
bureau, 1.-The platform flends begin TO
crawl cut and make life miserable for me.
Everybody thinks he, she or it can lect-
ure Only yesterday big man with
thick neck and forehead like a hens
came in here and wanted me to put him
I'D to the lecture racket, as he called it.
He said: What der public wants is ter
look at me. I'm famous, l am Well,
what do you suppose was the basis of his
desire TO 90 upon the lecture platform?
He had once challenged Sullivan and
fought ham | don't know how many
rounds-through the newspapers. l
promised TO let him know if any
church lecture committee sent for him.
Nearly all the bridge jumpers have sent
in applications for jobs on the rostrum,
and | have here letter from an ex-bank
cashier asking if have any dates open on
the other side Of the Canada line | re-
piled that the Canadian demand for at
fractions seemed to be filed, but there was
a vacancy in the course of the Sing Sing
Moral Improvement society which he
might fill to general satisfaction. l told
him the terms there were usually liberal,
but he hasn't accepted the offer
THE other day man came in and
wanted to be put on the list for q scien-
tific lecture, which he said was in popu-
lar style and very instructive. He struck
me so fayorably that | asked him 10 bring
the lecture in the next day and let me
look over it He said he called il The
Resources OF Civilization He came with
a gripsack, took out roll of manuscript
and some curious apparatus and pro-
ceeded TO read me an essay on high explo-
sives. He took up something that looked
like compressed sawdust-he said it was
'vigorite and announced that, although
by percussion it would explode with ter
rife violence, he could and would safely
pound it with hammer I seized the
hammer as it was about TO fall and bun
died him ont of the Office. He was Il
theoretical Nihilist.
And then the elocutionists. as they call
themselves. The good Lord deliver me
from that tribe. They all want to infict
upon an abused public 'Curfew Shall Not
Ring Tonight They are almost as bad
as the funny men of western country
papers, who have been copied all over the
country and have got up rehashes of Joe
Mi er and Artemus Ward that they want
to fire of under titles that have no earthly
connection with the subjects on which
they propose to speak.
perhaps you don't believe more than
half of this, but it is all solemn fact
Why, what would you say if | should tell
you that Virgins, the FL Mahdi of OF
tawa, wanted me TO arrange for him en-
eastern circuit, so that he could deliver d
lecture on My Storms and How They
Have Been Sidetracked by an Unscientitic
Providence Well, perhaps that wasn't
just the title of it, but at any rate he
wanted to talk on that weary old chestnut
the weather. | wouldn't be surprised
If a discharged patient from an in
citrate asylum should walk in here
and ask me to star him in the church
courses with a thrilling monologue
on Snakes or, How ! Had Emf
Hank | heard somebody coming. You
wait and see if it isn't an aspirant for
fame and fortune on the lecture plat
form.
The door opened, and tall, good look
ing and well dressed woman entered. She
had a society air, but an independent,
determined look withal. She had been
left to her own resources by the death of
her husband, and she wanted TO earn her
own living with the capital of good
presence, fair voice and slight knowl-
edge OF the art of public reading, &C.
quired il an amateur way. 1t was no use
trying to discourage her. She was deter
mined to try, and knew she could succeed.
So her name was booked after some con-
sultation. When she had gone the man.
ager of the bureau said: ''She wants to
lecture on cranks. and think | can give
her plenty of points. ''-''Uncle Bill in
Chicago Herald.