News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-01-27


come de milk SO watery on top in de
mCrnin'2'
Patriarch TELL you nanny dats
de bes' sort O. milk; dat's de dew on it
de cows been layin' in de dew"
Hebe-"An' she tell me to ak you
what meek it so blue"
Patriarch-"You ak your nanny
what meek she so black p'-- The Century.
HER SECRET.
"You tell everything you know, don't
you?" said Mrs. B to Mrs. A,
garrulous neighbor. "Indeed l don't"
replied Mrs. A with some show of
asperity. 81 can keep secret as well
as any one. 1t was only yesterday that
MIR. A told me that it was feared
that Mr.. II - was short in his accounts,
and ] haven't mentioned it to a soul,
and don't intend to either lid Bits.
SURPRISING MEMORY.
Wealthy Merchant-'What! You
here againl Why 1 kicked you down
stairs and out into the street this morn
ing, you impudent fellow"
Peddler-"Ish dot so2 Vat splen-
did memory! 1 had forgo ten all about
it. Don't you want to puy a fedder
duster before you kick me out some
more. "-Ieras SJttingS.
sMELT IT.
''And that is silver ore, is itl" said
Mrs. Snaggs, as she examined piece OF
curious, looking mineral eyes, my
dear, ," replied her husband. "And how
do they get the silver out?" They smelt
it." "Well, that's queer" she added,
after applying her nose to the ore; II
smelt it, too, but didn't get any silver. "
-Pitts6urg Chronicle.
PERHAPS.
Little Dot az know what am going
to get for Christmas present"
Little Dick-"WhatW
ga new doll; big one, too, guess. :"
"Did your mamma tell you so?"
''No, but l seed her making lot of
clothes. and they is too little for me. y
Omaha World.
TIE PLAIN TRUTH.
Mistress, to new help-You will have
to wash for the whole family.
N. Hall roight, mum, but it's
ther liberty I'll be after taking ov say
ing thin that don't wash thimselves,
amt healthy.-LJe
ODDS AND ENDS.
DOLLAR cigars are signboards on the
road to the poorhouse or to Canada
THIs is the time when you can tell a
mans character by the condition of his
sidewalk.
GLOW can man get rich at poker?"
asks a correspondent. We know of
but one absolutely sure way. Don't
poke.
IT appears to be an established truth
that an ounce of keep your-mouth- shut
is better than pound of explanations
after you have said it.
A MAN writes to an editor for 81 "be-
cause he is so dreadfully short" and
gets in reply the heartless response:
''Do as do-stand up IN CHAIR"
AN Illinois citizen became enthusiastic
upon first seeing the Atlantic Ocean.
'tWhy," he SAID, Sits immense! grand !
What prairie it would make if it would
only keep stiil!'
A MAN who has proposed 20 times and
been rejected every time, has no end of
relatives. Every one of the girls he in
terviewed on matrimony faithfully pro-
missed to be a sister to him.
''WHY do you build such a fiat roof
to your house2" asked an Austin bust
ness man of a friend Because" whis-
pered the other, 81 want to put mort
gage on it as soon as it is finished
"AND what was the disposition of the
remains?" was asked of man who re-
Gently lost his mother in-law. "The
disposition of the remains" he replied,
with real feeling, ""as quiet and peace
full"
A PAPER recording the arrest of an
actor for stealing, says he was ''caught
in the act" though it fails to state
whether it was the first, second or third
act. 1t must have made queer scene,
however.
'T DO love a liar," observed Mrs.
Grapp, after her husband had been tell
ing her why he was detained at the
Office. Mr.. Grapp simply answered,
"Egotist," and now they eat their meals
in silence.
THERE is a strong suspicion aaoat out
West that the reason that Bartholdi
made his statue bareheaded is because
to put a hat on her of the present fash
ion would make her about three hundred
feet higher.
A WESTERN preacher the other day
said in a sermon that baseball is played
by base men. HAT is all he knows
about the noble game. There must be
catchers and pitchers and shortstops as
we'll as basemen in a game of baseball.
AN aggrieved individual thrust his
head into the editorial sanctum and be-
gan his TRADE of abuse: "Base minionm
E'No," said the editor, without looking
up, and thinking that he recognized the
voice of the foreman of the composing
r ON, ''leaded nonpareil, please"
A BOSTON man inquiries why it is that
if we have four matches and wooden
toothpick in vest pocket and want to
light a cigar in the dark, the toothpick
will p esent itself repeatedly 81 times
out of a possible hundred attempts to
light the weed. 1t is dark subject.
A LONELY Skating Rink met a To
boggan Slide the other day "How are
you feeling2' asked the Rink in doleful
tones. II am Hunky," replied the
Shde. 81 am in fast company and max
ing Barrels of Money" Come and see
me in about two years from now," said
the Rink, 'and we will Condole to-
gether. | have Been There myself"