News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-03-31
IT WAS LATER.

the small boy hasn't been seen at school |
this week. Pittsburgh Press.
IT WAS LATER.
In the parlor, II p. m f:
"Have you any idea what time it ISL"
he asked, after he had talked her to
sleep three or four times and walked her
up as often by laughing boisterously at
his own brilliant ebolutions of wit, humor
and burlesque.
''Really, l haven't she replied wear
lily.
"It certainly must be time I was 60
ing home" he continued, as he made
move in the right direction.
''Oh, am sure it is very much later
than that" she said, sweetly and inno-
Gently, and then he went away with a
hideous suspicion in his manly BOSOM
Washington Critic.
BRoTHERLY LOVE.
Mr. Henry Willard and Mr.. Joseph |
Willard are two brother millionaires IN
Washington, who do not cultivate the |
virtue of brotherlv love. Mr.. Henry |
Willard gave an entertainment, and |
sent card to Joseph, reading: 'Mr. |
and Mrs Henry Willard. At home |
Janua Is, from nine to eleven P. NJ"
Whereupon Joseph sent card to Henry /!
reading: 'Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Willard |
also at home January 10, from nine to
eleven P. NJ " That was short, sweet |
and graphic. Boston Herald.
COLLECTOR.
A Young lawyer IN this section several
years ago went to merchant and asked |
for some accounts to collect, saying he
had been very successful in that line. |
The merchant said: ''Yes, will try you; |
here is an account of SO against your
self. If you are successful in collecting
this account come back and will give
you some more. ."-Sunpto (Go.) RePub-
Lcan.
A VOICE RAISED FOR THE GREAT WEST.
Uncle Seth Cfrom Chicago, who has
been asked to meet Lord and Lady
Haggergags): 'It's jest like your little
island to swell up over the fish question,
because you know you can git at these
Down East seaports, but if you want ter
cir the -leraris. sIUent ND with yer, come
out West, Lord, an try Ter DTun Us on
tn beef question. It'd Bits.
AN ECHO OF THE STRIKE.
Barber (cheerfully): "'Talnt berry
sech straight haair ez yo' got. Whar
yo' borhn e.
Victim: "'Taint fer tn likes O. me
ter be anshwerin yez, yez bhlack shpid
er, but Oh was borrun in Cork, Oirelan'.
an Dim workin' in phlace av shtriker
on tn coal wharf below.-ZTd Bits.
THEY ARBTrRATED.
An old tramp who had agreed to saw
wood for half an hour for his breakfast
from a Baltimore woman quit at the
seventh stick and said: "Mad am, have
struck for more breakfast and less wood
are you willing to arbitrator Seer
tainly," she replied, and she left the
case in the hands of her bull dog, who
ran the tramp half a mile and decided
that a lockout was inevitable.
CHILD AT WASHINGTON.
"Who are all those men lounging
around outside the capitol ~
Parent-"They are United States SEN
ators, my child"
care there any more senators besides
them 2"
"Only one"
'Where is he p
"He is inside making a speech. y
omaha World.
CHICAGO SOCIETY NOTE.
Another genial imIoecile, who wore
about $50, COO worth of big, vulgar dia-
monds, smilingly assured Mr.. Lowell
that although She had never met him
before, she had always felt as if she was
well acquainted with him 'for" she
added, my maiden name was Bigelow."
Chicago Morning Mems.
wALKIN'.
$50 your husband hasn't any wurrk,
Mrs. Sullivan, all on account of the
sthr1ke2 Naythur has mine, bad luck
to it" "Well, how Is it then yes wall1in
about lookin so happy lolke, with a
new sale skin jacket and -" Oh, it's |
jist the walkin' as does it. Me husbands |
diigit, ye sea walHin' wan.'- Har- |
pers Weekly.
A PLACE FOR SURPLUS.
Lawyer-You are entitled TO pen
sion?
Applicant-Yes, sir,
Lawyer-What battles were you in2
Applicant wasn't in any battles. |
I stayed at home and yipped and yelled |
for the grand old flag, and looked after
defenceless women and children,
BOW OF PROMISE.
"Did Charley come to see you Sunday |
night, Ella?' asked Clara.
"Why, no; it rained too hard. Did |
Fred come to see YOU"
"Certalnly. He always comes--rain
or shine"
''He must be a rain beau then"
SHE WOULDN'T.
A western town has female sheriff
Recently she arrested man, and he, |
hoping to flatter her to let him escape,
told her she was the handsomest woman
he ever saw. And did she let him es-
cape? No! She wouldn't let that man
out of her sight, anyway, but wanted
him around all the time. Trickery is
sure to fail in the end. d.-Teras iSJtnlgs.
STANDING UP.
Countryman lin the gallery of the
stock eXchange)-How much does it
cost, mister, to do business down there?
Mister-The seats, | think, are worth
about $50, coo.
Countryman fetching his breath)-
Gosh, l don't wonder most of EN- stand
up.-LUe.
THE WINGS.
Superintendent of Fashionable Sun.
Now children, what bird
was it that brought Noah such good
things2
Small voice from Rear Seat: | knowl
Ostrich, COS Mrs. Noah could put the
wings in her hat Tid- Bis.
GENTLE SPRING.
The thought that gentle spring is near
Sets all oar hearts a-throbbiug. ,
Now see which liar will soout st hear
The first notes Of the rObbin.
--iSoHserriNs JotTa0i.