davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Morning journal and courier., 1887-12-05
Hours 10 to 12, to and7 to 8.
w-Oface closed on Fridays ard Sundays.-&a
GLAIRVOYANCE:.

MRS j. J. CLARK, Business Test and Healing
Medium 228 CROWN STREET convinces all who
visit her that she is a genuine medium Her veget,
gurprsing control over disease Hours to IL a. m.
3 to D. M and evenings. Diagnosing by lock OF
hair-by letter, 81. ocI4
Morning journal and courier., 1887-12-05

Chief Engineer Menocal, the father of the
Nicaragua canal, does not think that de Les
seps' proposed change is practicable, because
in the dry season there will not be water
enough to fill the locks. NJ. de Lesseps, ne
says, evidently depends upon the Chagres
river to supply water for the locks, and it
will give plenty in the wet season, but the
river nearly dries up for some months every
year. and then the canal will be useless. Mr..
MenocaI, however, thinks it would make no
difference whether the lock plan is tried or
not, for, in his opinion, either plan is i'm
practicable.
Morning journal and courier., 1887-12-05

cRosRYs COLD AND cATARRH CURE
Morning journal and courier., 1887-12-05

The trustees of the John T. Slater fund for
the education of the freedmen sent out three
hundred circular letters last winter to proni-
nent southerners, making inquiries concern
ing the condition of the eolored people. A
majority of the replies, just published, show
that colored parents take more interest in
the education of their children than former
ly, that the common schools attended by
colored children are improving somewhat in
character, that colored people are more dis
posed to buy land than in past years, and
finally that fewer mulattoes are born now
than a quarter of a century ago. In certain
districts where the system of education is
being literally supported by the public the
advancement Of the young colored people Is
marked.
The endeavor of Manchester, England, to
check the progress of decay in her prosperi-
ty by building canal which should make
her independent of the tolls of Liverpool and
the exactions of railroad carriers attracted
wide attention few years ago, though 1t
was generally thought that the failure to
place the stock, after winning the long fight
in parliament, had given the scheme its qui-
etus at least for many years. On the con-
trary, however, the Manchester people have
! quietly succeeded in placing the undertaking
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19
NEATLY DONE.

An Ea-Consetierate Tells How = Unios
Woman Captured Three Soldiers.
During the retreat OF Lees army from tho
field Of Gettysburg 10 the Potomac great
effort was made by rhe officers to prevent
struggling. but it would have required an
officer TO man TO have carried out the pro
graInme successfully. We had been beaten
and felt discouraged and reckless, We
wefs on short ratons, the weather was dismal
and the rank and file were in no mood TO be
nagged by strict discipline.
The command 10 which l belonged left
Gettysburg about 10 o'clock n: night, and for
the first three or four hours the men were
kept well in hand under the impression that
we were only changing positions TO secure an
advantage over the Federals As daylight
broke and We realized that we were oil the
way home squads and individuals broke away
at every opportunity to forage for a break
fast In company with two private soldiers
belonging in my company | slipped away
from the column about sunrise, and, while a
black locking thunder storm seemed close ut
hand, We boltcd into piece Of woods by the
roadside and then struck for highway run
ming at right angles and on which we could
make out three or four farm houses. We
selected the first or nearest, and as we entered
the gate woman opened the door and stood
waiting for us 10 approach. She knew We
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19

Dot same peoples who shpit oafer deir fin
ger for luck when dey see a white horse Will
loaf aroundt sooner than work for twelf shil-
hngs a day.
tell my poy dot Truth vhas mighty und
must prevail, but he hadt peter look leedle
oudt if he sees man drunk und goes und
tells his wife Sometimes a lie vhas shust
what makes peoples happy.
The reason Why we look pack on our shid-
hood init sooch fondness is because We can't
remember der tears und heartacires.
Dot same man who doan pellet in Heafen
because he can't see him will accept of jug
Of whisky simply py der shmell
One time when goes init der boleece TO see
about deadt dog in my neighbor's yard, he
comes oop und finds two deadt cats under my
own wood shed
1t vhas always my pellet dot guide boards
were put up at highway corners to make
more miles for trafelers. If We doan' know
how long der roadt vhas We come TO some
place all der sooner.
Some day vhen shall come to pelieve all
der worldt vhas tadt- shall shin out TO der
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19
you ARE NY PRIsoSERsi

were Confelerates and asked many questions
concerning the battle and did not attempt to
conceal the fact that she was q thorough
Unionist and an ardent hater of JEFF Davis.
pet, on top Of which was a setting hen As
~e came near she began to exhibit the usual
characteristics, and we were having consider
able fun at her expense, when the door was
shut with bang and We heard the rattle Of
q chain and paddock 1t was a close, dark
place. and it was a minute or two before We
reached the door and understood the situa-
ton. We began TO kick and shout, and pres
emily the woman's voice replied:
-It's no Use trying to get out! You are my
prisoners, and kicking won't do any good"
How nice and soft we talked to her, but It
WAS NO 60 Then we swore and clustered,
but she only laughed at us After a while
she passed us some bread and butter through
one Of the ventilators, followed by cupful
Of water. and there we remained all day, all
night and up to O'Clock next morning,
when we were turned over to the Union cav.
airy
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19

1T amt everybody I'd trust my little gal
to- said old farmer Skinner to the love lorn
young granger who had become enamored
with Miss Sally Spinner and wished to carry
her from the loving care and shelter Of the
home nest. The "little gal" who was S feet
and II inches tall in her bare feet las she WAS
at that moment, hid her happy, blushing
face on the dear, fond old fathers shoulder.
and wept happy tears as he said to the
deeply moved lover: "You must take good
keer of my wee biriling Jack. Ricollect that
she's been raised kind o. tender like. Two
acres day is all ever asked her to plow,
and an acre of corn day is ali she's used to
hoeing She kin do light work, such as max
in rail fences and digging post holes, and
burning brush, and all that, but amt used to
reglar farm work, and you mustn't ask too
much of her It's hard for her old dad to
give his little sunshine up. He'll have to
split his own cordwood and dig his own taters
now. But 60, bir1iie, and be happy.
Rits
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19

A precocious youth, prompted by an un-
pleasant recollection of the last term, says
that school teachers are like dogs: They lick
your hands, This carries off the palm
Texas Siftings.
Mr.. Dusenberry quite inebriated)-My
dear, couldn't go down that toboggan slide.
1t would take my breath. Mrs. Dusenberry
1t wouldn't be bad thing if it did-Phil-
adelphia Call.
When fire alarm is rung in Rome "the
firemen draw an engine to the fire, while
Rrooms lead the horses behind the engine
No wonder Nero had plenty of time to fiddle.
Waterbury American.
George Alfred Townsend admits that he
doesn't know everything" Thus is shattered
another popular belief Are all Of our deepest
seated convictions nothing more than popular
fallacies-ChicagoT Times.
A woman at Wolf Pit, n. c., who got an
CRY with her husband, threw poker at him
and hit the baby. And this in q section where
the women can practice at hens all winter!-
Burlington VT Free Press.
The funeral of New York alderman, the
other day, cost the city 81, ,0is25. But New
York's experience with her aldermen has
shown her that it is far cheaper to bury them,
even at that price, than to keep 'em alive
Chicago Times.
Dennis was the pride Of his corps,
He very fine uniform worps,
He could play at bezique.
And with infinite chique
At the canteen would run up scorps.
View York Journal
Talmage said in his lecture the other night
that 1.-THE man who can sing and won't sing
should be sent to Sing Sing That would be
too severe. 1t is the man who can't sing and
will sing who should he sent to Sing Sing.
p. S-For ninety nine yeaT.-NorHstown
Herald.
~ blong to an Improved Order OF Red
Men, and I'm going to paint this town a
crimson hue before get through, you bet"
remarked hilarious individual to a blue
coated guardian of the night in the vicinity
Of Boylston market the other day. "All
right" replied the man with the billy. Il be-
long TO the locust club you come along
with me and Iii propose you for member
ship" After a little persuasion u the red
man was escorted to the lodge in La Grange
street.-Boston Budget
During a trial at Tazewell Court House,
| Va, which took place recently, a counsel ac-
cused a witness OF perjury; the witness i'm
mediately retorted that the counsel not only
made an invariable practice of walking round
the truth, but at times told lies that would
have shocked Ananias. At this juncture
both gentlemen drew revolvers and had a
| high old time Of 1t with the six shooters. On
! the first shot being fired, the judge promptly
disappeared under his desk. Crack. crack.
crack echnej fhrnnph tho conrf till the
shooting irons were emptied. Then five
stretchers We're brought i'll, and five wounded
men were carried out One was the learned
counsel After their removal the judge eau
tously crept from his place of shelter,
/ mounted the bench, rebuked the witness and
| the trial was Reconsideration Judy
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19

come a day when man an woman will be 50
perfeckt dat deir will be no need Of DER gwine
to hesben. Everything will be what de
Greeks call spirituelle. Oar viii be no chaw-
in an smokin'-no swearin' an drinkin'-no
family rows-no stealin' chickens an water
mellyons We all shall be purity an built
arter de latest fashun. Instead Of hevin' to
walk we shall sorter float around. an nobody
will war ober No shoe 1t won't nebber
rain or snow (cheersl dar won't be no police
around [applausel an if you owe anybody
anything he won't dare dun you fur it
Tremendous cheering, during which one of
the Sacred Bear Traps fell down and nearly
killed Samuel Shin.l
"De esnd of dis world an Of de life in it,
nv frens, ar gwine to be solemnly an
grandly bewtiful. We shall git up some
mawnin' feelin' extra good. Oar will be
champagne an oysters Hoatin' around an not
costin' red cent We shall eat an drink till
We almost bust, an den We shall sorter float
outer der winder on sspicy laden breezes,
kinder sail to'rds de sky, an de fust We know
de airth will sink away, an We all shall lie
asleep. (Cries of hearr heart
"Dat will he de eand, my frens, an as was
sayin' about dat daisy Of a rat trap it sells on
sight No respectable family kin afford to
be widout one Ii stands by you all day an
nebber runs of at night. Single traps fifty
cents each, or five for &. Dis closes my
essay, am hopin' dat you hev all profitei mo-
or less by my remarks an dat my presence
heah dis eavenin' may be de means of maxim
you all better citizens, heahby wish you a
fond good night
When the essayist had left the hall there
was a cold, solid silence Of half a minute,
during which Elder Toots awoke with an aw-
full start. Then Brother Gardner said:
~Dar am varus kinds Of e>says-some good,
some bad an some middlin'. You kin nebber
tell what one am gwine to be till it ar shot
of. doan' think we shall want any mo fur
about three months Let Us go home. DE
troit Free Press
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19
n. Could Not Tell Nj. Own Bsbv.

Don't you know your own babyf" This
question was put to a man about 25 years old
in an uptown photograph gallery the other
day. "Well, know I'm supposed to. but six
months old babies look SO much alike. and
this is our first. I'm free TO confess that I'm
not positive about that being my baby's pict-
ure.' The photograph was cabinet size, and
the photographer was very much surprised
that the paternal parent could not recognize
it. ats a perfect picture of the original,
whether its your child or not, remarked the
artist "Oh, yes. I'll admit it's a good picture,
but what I'm in doubt about is whether it's
mine. Haven't you got the negative with
the name or number on, to make surei II
should go home with the wrong picture my
wife would never let me hear the last Of IT. +"
The negative was produced and found to
correspond with the entry in the book: Mrs.
-, half dozen cabinets-baby.' The
visitor then paid for the pictures and left the
studio-Troy Times
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19

American Beef Packer-Well, what's the
matter nowi
Jobber's Agent-Matter enough. The Lon
don firm represent are contractors for the
English army, and you've got them into peck
Of trouble
How soi-
zone of the soldiers at Aldershot found an
old brier wood pipe in the can Of American
beef issued to him, and male a complaint
"See here; do you Englishmen think we're
going to pack a new meerschaum and a
pound of Lone Jack in every can of American
beef Wen fight first."-Omaha World.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19

Thomas n Nichol, who never plays cards,
nevertheless tells a story about card playing.
A coterie of his acquaintances who were
poker players had a night session in Chicago
which closed in q contest over jack pot coll
tanning some $50 They had started their
game on Saturday and on looking at their
watches discovered that it was nearly B
O'Clock on Sunday morning One of the play
ers suggested, by way of penance, that
~hoever won tie jack pot should take 1t to
church that day and put il into the
contribution LEX. The winner was somewhat
Of humorist He put the cash into an ell
velop-, marked it -. Pot, and laid it on the
contribution plate. On Monday morning a
week later, happening to pick up paper, he
Wa sssopishsi 10 find In 1t q report OF q ser-
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19
rar nISIIsr.

Pr,,.sso- u.--;s,- ~as shortly escorted
into the b,u n, ii. grepsion committee. Is
was Main fro,, ~ panner that ne was used
10 .n,,..r;,r ), ,~h.t He had a decided lon
q, an. sh,,,f,. .sconsiderably bow legged
ana a, s,r,. ,;,,,. = other in his wild career
h. had b..sn bn y the right eve by peeled
oni,, ana ,,,. sion had remained sticking
tbsre IA m sot create a favorable first
imrn.ss;nn inany Of the members pulled
ont their hy~ books and settled back for all
bour Of 80 recreation. After taking a
dr;rl % - and asking that six or seven
of the vn6sws be lowered for the sake Of
v.,t,,.,,,e. she professor took the platform,
and cav hlnserf few shakes.
w. - what de beginnin' was, said the
.n.,ta, = he posed himself for a grand sf
fort - what will de eand BEL We needn't
al ~ dis world was created. 1t was to
h.I.,.,de universe. Dar, WAS 50 much land
,ba- q Yurup dat il got 70 tippin, de world
d.. an, 50 de I.,syd went Mt il an, made
x,.ica 10 chen nm ;nps Den He tboprbt
:, v,uid be too bad 20 bev 50 much land 90
o., yasfe an, he made Adam an, Eve an lots
rS.eider folks. an, dat,s how We came to be
Iii rMutt.rei exnressions of doubt from
,,rious parts of the halll
Thousands of wears ago when somebody
h,yentsd de iackLnife de rublick Thought de
e,nd of dc world mpst he nigh. but de world
went right ON list the same DEN somebody
invented plug tobacker an a hos pistol, an
people held up deir hands an said dey didn't
ieer to live any longer. De world kent gwine
right long list the same. an we had de pitch
fork, de skoop shovel, de rat trap, de tele-
Graf an de stsnm inripe in ouick suckeshIu.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19

How silly are the wise people! A learned
man, or woman, We can't tell which from tho
initials, says in printed letter Of advice 70
young parents: -On no account permit
children N do at one time what you have
forbidden them to do at another" Oh, come
off! Then because you forbid your boy 70
take of his clothes when be goes to school, he
mustn't take them of when he goes to bed
What no, there, Headslnan to thy tsskl
'Tis well; now bring on the next wise man.
Burdetts in Brooklyn Eagle
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19

s~DDJSs sawyer NuoWs f1ne h.AnOe.
( ssoator fhiletus Sawyer is very close
bays when he gets into the market 10 pur-
cbsse pine lands. Usually the man who sells
b him does not know who the buyer is A
~ summers ago Philetus was up III Oconto
ccunty Inspecting some pine, and when he
s'unded the owner a to the sale that individ-
sal, an old man with grizzly hair and whis-
kers, hauled out n newspaper containing a
wood cut of Sawyer, looked at it closely and
then at the stranger, and said:
You IT, old Sawyer, Blamed il l haven't
been looking for You for these three years.
This land amt for sale. Pine that Sawyer
wants is pine, and I'll Just keep this here
patch Ia hand down aS n heirloom to my chill
dren."
No trade was made, and the price Of pine
land in that region rose Immediately there
after, something that does not take place very
often in Wisconsin until after Sawyer has
made his purchase. chicago Herald.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19

Omaha Man Injecting an old missionary
frieudl Well. Well, When did you return
from Africa.
Returned Evangelist left shortly after
you did, and, by the way, was greatly en-
couraged by something l saw just before
starting home.
"Eh, What was thatir
Il saw the Zulu slayer of the young Prince
Imperial weeping and raving over his wicked
ness in killing the YOUTH and his people stated
to me that he could not be comforted.'
Yes, told him that il he had taken the
boy alive he could have got big ransom -
Omaha World.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19
A Great Cor>binatiI n.

A large brass chicken in the shape Of an
inkstand is the latest novelty. The boarding
house keepers are experimenting with them
to ascertain il the shadow Of one Of
these will not make as rich chicken soup as q
from the original hen does. This
would enable them to combine business and
srnamsut in great shsps.-Dsusvills BrseA
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19

Dakotan-Husband home, Mrs. Burgessi
Mrs Burgess-No, but l expect he will be
in a day or two. Weie going to have .
thaw, you know.
Dakotan-Where is joint
Mrs. Burgess-Over in that second snow
drift yonder. l sent him on an errand two
weeks ago, and that was all the far he got
Poor man. shouldn't wonder if he'd begun
to get discouraged by this time.-Tit Bits.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19
A Joke on the Sub Editor.

During the Franco-G German war a witty
contributor to q provincial newspaper fire.
auently had occasion 10 complain Of the in
tense stupidity Of the sub editor, and he at
length resolved TO serve him out. One even
ing after Office hours, when he knew the sub
editor would be alone. with no at one hand to
correct his blunders, he telegraphed to him:
The Prussians have taken umbrager The sub
editor, glad Of any news, late as it was, issued
large posters with the inscription: Capture
of Umbrase by the Prussians.7 It served as
a lesson for him in the future.-Philsdelph
Call
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19

Dads kinder weak this mornin' n be
wants something that will act as a sort Of
panic said Johnny Gubbins to the druggist,
as be handed out the regulation half pint
bottle. The druggist thought of the old mans
unpaid account, and after filling the bottle
with the poorest brand of whisky be added .
few drops of croton oil, and the old man had
a panic under his breast that doubled him up
like jack knife-Danville N. " Breeze.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19

An old colored woman stood at the station
yesterday, waiting for the Jacksonville train
Beside her stood two little pickaninnies with
faces as black as the inside Of q stove pipe.
When the old mammals train arrived she ex-
claimed: -Bress de LORI" and then looking
down a. her children, remarked: Here, you,
Abraham Lincoln. take hold Of JEFF Davis
hand and come ssong heah, quickl7 And the
uamesakes Of the two great statesmen Of the
war joined hands and walked away together
as though their names had not expressed such
q dissimilarity Of purpose. F1A)
Herald
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19

A bright. mischievous city schoolboy. who
liked fooling better than study. recently fooled
his teacher by asking her if these words were
Latin or not. She could not give q direct
answer, but promised to investigate and re-
port. These We're the mysterious words:
Observation-Disclosures
Inmudesis Inclaynoneis.
Translated:
In fir, tar is. In oak, noneis.
In mud, eel is. In clay, none IL.
Boston Budget
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19
The Right Password, but the Wrong Smel

A Good Templar in Chico, Cal, got full
and went up to the lodge room in that con-
dition He knocked at the inner door and
gave the password to the guardian, who was
u Milesian and who had, with the mother wit
Of his race, placed his nose to the wicket in
stead of his ear. He repeated the word 1Ab-
stinence- the second time and asked: "Dennis,
why doncher open 'er door. Haint l got the
right passwordf' "Yis, sor,- bawled Dennis,
within hearing Of the whole lodge, you do be
having the right password intirely, but, be
jabers, sor, yez hav the wrong shmen Port
land (Ore) Mercury
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19
Take the Mint.

Oh, Patti, thy great fame eclipse,
No mortal ever can;
We flock and worship thee upon
The European plan
Come back and visit US again,
In all our want and stint;
One item Marcus overlooked
Come back-and get the Mint
san Francisco Wasp.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19
OUR BABY.

y1erRsrrvE.Y DESCRIBED by HIS LITTLE srsrrA
Our raoy is lder rare:
Hes awful cunning, :,
And well his worth ! pays the share
otwork him do
Ihope he will sur.). although
He's squeezed almost 10 death:
1t makes him q sometimes, know.
And takes away his breath.
Orr home is since there came
The angel from above;
Hess afrectionS. His name -
Is "Toots-y Wootsey Love"
He makes our papa look BEL
And feel l0der Joy;
IAray he never will incline
aBAOE boy.
When he's awake his eyes are blue;
lift him when | can;
He'll B2S4ls
Lift up when he's man
H. C, Dodge in Goodall's Sun
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19

Omaha Husband-Well, told you my
friend DE Grand was wonderful man. Now
what do You think Of him.
Omaha Witches a fool
Fool, Why he is one of the most famous
scientists OF the day"
Hes born IDIOT
How can You talk sos'
He thought this precious little treasure
was boy and she's most a month old
Omaha World
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-19

Even our gallant commander was some
what Disconnected at the idea Of sailing up
but being man of infinite resource,
he reached down into the cabin Of his craft,
and much TO the surprise of the party,
dragged forth a pair Of telegraph pole slip
pers, donning which he assembled the frozen
column of the Hippowatomie Geyser with all
the agility of one accustomed to any or all
chimes Vol. ", cap 4, Lies Canoe Ex-
pedltion to Pixies Peak