Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1887-04-17

| pOSlIC EdiuCA Udo CAuPbI GOO-uOg tAO1 2
sat the gentleman tilted back in his chair,
smoking-the girls were gone. A tsll,
| black figure, erect and uGpliant, came
down the walk, and stood by the gate
stood, but did not lean against il. She
had black fan, and famed herself in
Cessantly. l could see her dimly 10 the
| obscure light, and peered intentlY;
wanted to see her, felt curious, yet liked to
know that the street wss well between US.
| The boy came and lighted the gas 81 her
gate. The light fell full upon her face.
A cold, pale face. She looked directly at
me and beckoned with her fan. 1 was
seized with an undefnable dread, was
about to hurry into the lighted parlor,
when she 6eCkOned q second time, opened
the gate little way and patted the gate
post. | vas going across the street be-
fore l knew it with g strange kind of
feeling of being pulled over. I stood by
her gate on the outside, she st one post |
st the other.
GOOD evening"" said, tanning her
self.
"Good evening"
"YOu looked lonesome. l was lone
some TOO. Do you like it? I don't. l
always fan to fan it away, out it is pretty
iHeesssnt work"
eyes"
you had better get fan"
YES" l murmured, and thought,
Will die before l ever touch fan again.
Her face was white, with a still,
quenched kind of look, as if she had
famed it to death.
81 don't dare stop tanning, you will
excuse me?"
eyes"
"YOu, too, will sometime love 8 cool,
swift tan?" and she patted it. "OnCe
you know, never thought much of fan,
they could lie about the house on every
table and mantle, and l hardly ever
touched one. But nOw-yOu know l am
q desOlate WOman-fOrsaken.' She did
not change her voice at these dreadful
words, but went on as she had begun in
tones stiff and broken-cut short it
seemed by the fanning-but continuous
until they fell into q kind of mOnOtony'
I" He Is my husband" noddiug toward
the gentleman in the garden chair, who
was putting smoke over his head and
seemed o5Iivious of US. "And those
three girls are my daughters. They have
gone to walk. l never 60 with them.
never talk to him." nOdding her head
backward. 81 have closed my heart and
ears to him, and he never attempts to
open them. am desolate. My heart is
dead" she kissed the black tips of her
fan, and turned upon me q desOlate face.
"But it once was alive, fertile, warm.
could feel IL palpitate, palpitate. But it
don't now. | keep it cool. l far away
such palpitating things" and she made 8
little lunge at the air, and whirled the
fan around with q defensive sweep. 1t is
cool now, cool as q cucumber. But
don't dare stop, it might warm up, get
to be too much of 1t. You see, 1t IS all
my own fault. l brought it sIl on my
self. 1t is an endless thing trying to
assimilate ones self. Did you ever try it?
No. Do not. Such strained feelings,
such awkward endeavOr, such GOODNESS
and want Of spontaneity both to yourself
and to others, and always feeling the
whole burden of the failure upon your
shoulders that shrink. But they shall
bear it. Be desolate, know it, and not
shrink. Wait for death, unteeling-I
fan lite away; it's slow work, incessant."
"NOt a good, Iovable, beautiful true
side," l thought, only thought, but some
how the thought took words, came to
my ears in a low, distinct murmur.
hastily put my hsnd over nay lips; l had
meant not to say a word.
otis the side that's up-With me-"
feel the breath of her fan and move
back step.
Glove and truth, how smooth, how
easy to say, how hard to find! And there
are some things. in this world that
had best be left alone. And l stood with
averted face, and took to flaming to keep
heart and mind pure and open for love
and truth, yet far of anda doubt
jul. But perhaps l fan them away, 100
for they don't come. They are empty
tapping her forehead lightly, and then her
breast with the fan. "Barren, barren
forever. l am desOIate. No honor, nc
dignity, no peace. Energy has broken
and rest gone"
I held my hand tight over my mouth
afraid to even think, my thoughts might
again take words, and l tried my best tC
look away from her faded COuntenRnCe-
not q COnVeTsable Iineament IN il, from
which she seemed to have shut out every
happy chance, together with every i'll one
but some way l could not.
Presently she went on with the same
sad stiffness of the tongue
| "AlWays a check, here, there, every
where. I never broke loose, never rose
up, awlays blind cropping round the wall
and then turn in upon myself; words
| and actions died, impulses sWelIed up,
| dissolved and lay in lever in my heart,
until | took to flaming to keep it cool. AnC
| it's got quite cool, and fac at Lonesome
ness now. Shoe. 1t buzze5 around, anC
there are ghosts of departed dreams anC
! faiths"
She stopped speaking, but never stop
| ped tanning for moment or sweeping
the air around with arid yet devouring
eyes.
eyes" l murmured, seeing that she
turned her face and waited for me to
speak.
"You looked lonesome. 1t is kind OF
! fat and wearisOme. You had better get
fan. just called you over, Coco
evening""
"Good evening" And having a KIND
of dread that she would stretch out her
heavy long arm and put it around me,
that 1 would get ineXtrIcabiy wound up
in it, moved off preCipitsteIy backwards
then turned to fly, but felt grip on my
| shoulder. l set my teeth and faced her
ready to fight myself free
"Was there ever such an imprudent
person in the world, To go to sleep in
draft You will catch your death of
cold. The tea bell has rung three times
Come down right away
! My sister is shaking me by the shoulder
and has very fresh, sweet face about al
! inch from mine-oh, such contrast! Ny
nerves relax, my heart beats again.
"My you don't say so" start with 6