Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1887-08-26
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE

The New York reporters are all writing
the Thistle up; but one of these days we
shall hear of Thistle-down.
Florida tourist-putting on her eye
glass to inspect colored infant in ptris
on the beach "This must be what they
call spoiled child.'"
Democrat to united labor man: "You
don't expect to accomplish anything ?"
United labor man: eyes, by George, we
do.
The Ives, to whom the papers are de-
voting so many columns is not the holy
man alluded to in the couplet kits,
cats, sacks and wives. how many are 60
ing to Saint Ives ?"
Guest, at summer hotel: "Waiter,
bring me hard boiled egg"
Waiter; Eyes, sab. Yves cookin' our
eggs on the ruff, today, sah Will you
hab yours wild tin flavor or Jest plain
shingles ~
Some philosopher has said "Send me
the dresses a women has worn and | will
write her autobiography" This would
be a very cheap and ingenious way for a
man with large family to accumulate a
wardrobe.
"Can man open his wife's letters ?"
asks an exchange. After he has carried
one in his pocket until it is reduced to
coffee-colored, undecpherabe curiosity,
he might just as well as to have those
Dead Letter Office fellows prying into
family secrets.
Citizen George Grancis Train has writ
ten poem in celebration of himself 1t is
said to be quite a success-much more so
than George is.
1t is supposed that the original design
for the bald-headed bird of freedom was
taken from Jersey farmer who titled the
land by keeping boarders.-NGW York
journal.
Mrs. Bagley: ."I found an eel in the
milk pitcher after you left Yesterday
morning" Milkman "And eeis IS cents
a pound Well, it was my mistake and
sha'n't take cent for it.-PhtladclphtG
Call
Train boy: Rock candy, rock candy,
sir?
Crusty old party: No, no, go away.
haven't any teeth.
Train boy: Gum drops, sir ?-Judgc.
An aged and wise Rochester negro is
quoted as saying: Pears to me like dar
was some kind of misdecomposishun in
all dis talk about babies cuttin' teef De
way rs cum to look at it, hits de teef cut
tim de baby. Leas wise, OATS de way
hit looks III de case oh cullud chil'en."-
ErchdngC.
An old grandma with a small boy
boarded a Gratiot avenue car the other
day. and the collector rang the register
twice,
whats that for - she asked.
THAT IS O'Clock, answered the boy.
In minute or two another passenger
got on, and again the register rang.
Three O'Clock ~ exclaimed the old lady
as she hObbed around on her seat. My
stars but how time does fly in a city,
Detroit Free Press.
',Whar' d. 70. git dat load er lumber,
Br'er Jimson ~ Down ter de Healln'
b m church" Dasso, Br'er Jimson
Why, has dey tored de buI!din' down ?"
! ION, no, sab Hits dare yet, but hearn
Parson BlowLard say dat de pews was
free, 50 riz up 'arly dis mornin' an went
| down dar and ripped up par of 'em an
fetched 'em erlong. fohkcrs Gazette.
The Vermont Legislature, it is said,
will be asked TO exempt base ball players
| from serving on jurieS. Already the
courts in that State are adjourned when
the judges want to attend q game.-N. Y.
| Tribune.
st. Louis has not hung Maxwell, and
Chicago has thus far failed to suspend the
anarchists There are too many unhung
hangs in this country ; the unkissed kisses
don't make so much difference. MiuHod-
polls IribtnC
Farmer 60 new farm hand from the
city)-What hev ye done with all this
mornings milk
New Hand Poured it down the WELL of
course.-LtC.
"Dost thou love me? Dost trust me, dear?
Dos. believe my promises sincere.
SHE.
"Dust quickly, sir or not at all,
For fathers scudding down the ha -
Phildde phd CdU.
To remove mosquitoes from room, mix
four ounces of oil of cloves, two ounces of
oil of peppermint, three ounces of oil of
lavender eight ounces of capsicum, eight
ounces of camphor half a pint of spirits
Of turpentine and half pound of insect
powder. Catch the mosquitoes and give
them half a teaspoonful every 10 uinutes.
As soon as they begin TO show signs of
paralys 5 hit them tendery with paving
hammer. They can then be removed from
the room without dauger,-SprWatcld
Union.
Death of A. G.. Vanderpool.