Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-01
DEACON BURDETTE.
Mr.. Nevergo Bore, reaching out for but
ton hole-Whats going ON, oil man! Mr..
Busy Man, dOdging-I am.

| ton hole-What's going on, oil man! Mr.
| Busy Man, dOdging-I am.
NOR VISIT THE THEATRE.
The nuns in the Via Merulana convent in
Rome, it is said, never ''see man" Enough
they do not know the taste of cloves.
EAR, EAR!
Mr. John Cass the ecandidatel-Doctor, my
ear aches all the time; what do you suppose
is the matter with it? Doctor (after careful
examination)- throwing pains
TOUCHED THE PLATE.
"Our dinner table" said Mr.. Newboarder.
pleasantly as he studied the pattern of the
cloth, reminds NE of time table, 'And
wherefore" inquired the prompter. "More
figures than fodder" was the soft answer
which turned on the wrath.
THE FATE OF PYGMILLION.
''Pig pens close to the well, or close to the
house." says The Farmers Friend, ''mean
death" You bet; death to the pig. It's pretty
hard to locate the pen SO as to change this fatal
signifcation, too.
THE UNPARDONABLE SIN.
Justice Lockmeup-You fine is $50 As
tonished Lawbreaker-Twenty dollars! For
getting drunk! Justice-No, for getting
Z caught. Hundreds of people get drunk every
I day and don't fine 'em cent. Only fine
those who get caught.
MAKING A SA-LAM.
"Leave the door ajar, please" said the
merchant, courteously. And the visitor
from Arkansas, as he went out, fetched it to
with btthsAhands, yanking off the knob,
springing both hinges, and leaving jar that
ratified every window in the building. And
If you'll believe it, the merchant got mad
lou don't know how to please some men, be-
cause they never know what they want them
selves.
THE PARLOR FLOOR IS MORE "sWELL.n
There's plenty of room at the top,n is
there, my boys Oh no. that's only some
more of the wise mans encoura ging nonsense
There's less room at the top than anywhere
else in the whole pyramid. Unless society is
built upside down, there is the most room at
the bottom. There's only room for one at
the top. Look at our own country: 50,OO0,-
GOO of people at the bottom and middle, and
only one president at..the top. That's the way
the world over: millions of subjects and only
one king. If you want lots of room and
plenty OF company, you stay at the bottom
with the rest of us. Mighty lonely and mar
row at the apex.
"OUT OF THE CRADLE ENDLESSLY ROCKING" :"
Heavens last, best gift to man was woman,
and mans best gift to woman was the rock
ing chair 1t is her comfort of comforts. 1t
is rest for the weary woman; she rocks her
troubles away as the swinging bow casts off
the dust; it is a solace in hours of sorrow: :
even creaking rocker that driveth men mad
as with the ceaseless words of contentious
woman, "speak comfortably to her." her air
castles, builded in the restless rocker. must
lean like multiplied towers of Pisa; the
rocker fills up all social gaps; if there is no
one with whom she may talk, she rocks: if
she hasn't talkative company she rocks and
talks. She rocks and sews: she rocks and
knits; she rocks and sketches She rocks
and does things that a man can only accom-
plish under conditions of motionless, DEATH
like stiffness; she rocks and threads needle
as calmly as though the age of miracles had
not passed; woman photographer would sit
IN a rocker with camera in her lap and
placidly photograph group of rocking wo-
men IN rockers of various gaits. The rocker
is to her nervine, a narcotic, a stimulant
1t is to her all that cigar is to a man. and
woman with cigar and man in q rock
ing chair seem equally misfted. The rocker
is certain means of grace; be she ''mad as
hornet" five minutes of vigorous rocking
tranquilizes her perturbed spirit, and by the
time she has rocked herself out of breath the
gentle, giving cadence of the swaying
chair te on that sunlighted calm has dis
possessed lie storm, and peace reigns in her
loving breast. Like the cradle of the miner,
1t gently rocks away the gross and earthly,
and leaves residuCm of fine gold only. She
rocks all along the way of her pilgrimage,
up the hill of Difficulty, past the chained
lions down into the Valley of Humiliation,
across the narrow land of Ease, through the
troubles on every side, through the fightings
without and the fears within, past all dan
gers, doubts and cares clear up to the borders
of Beulah land she rocks, rocks, rocks. One
of the first Christmas presents you buy for
your little girl is a rocking chair; and the
last time her grandchildren see her sitting
up, the dear, loving, God blessed grandma is
softly swaying in a high backed rocker,
dreaming again of the years when her day
dreams We're woven in that little rocker. now
the property of the newest granddaughter.
In all those years your boy has changed his
toys and comforts and lounging chairs with
every changing style, but your little girl
has never been long out of rocking
chair. A home without rocker would be
like a farm without an orchard: it would
still be farm, but its crown jewel would be
missing. Only a woman could have written
"Rock Me to Sleep, Mother" away with the
man pretender who dare claim it, in the very
face of unanswerable internal evidence, and
she didn't mean 'cradle rock" oh, no, she
wanted to be rocked asleep in rocking chair.
If she says she means "cradle," then do 1
fully believe her to be man.
As for man, he is not natural rocker He
may acquire the habit, as a trotting horse
may be taught to pace, but the "arm chair"
is sacred to grandpa. Man is Iounger; a
chair now is about his SIZE The prize COM
bination for him is an easy arm chair and
mantelpiece "Give me where to hang nv
feet" says proud man, "and care not where
you put the rest of my body" Half con-
WINGED that he was made little lower than
the angels, he has been trying ever since to
get his feet back to Edenic attitudes, and so
he sails through life on the small of his back,
with his feet lowering above him like guard
ian angels. Rather palpable, feshy angels
they are, too, but nevertheless he likes to
look at them. You never yet saw a man
with feet SO big and clumsy that he didn't
like to hold them where he could see them
when he sat tdown.-Brooklyn Eagle
Egypt, Ills., VS.. Egypt of Old.
Mr.. Hayseed Ito wife who is returned from