Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-08-31
HUM OROSITEES,
WHY is the editor in tears.

Some one has gently seooped his shears
And gone. 1.-THE Earth.
A. RECENT publication is map ofheIl.
It is not half as exciting as the direc-
tory would have BEEN Macon Tele-
graph.
IL shoe manufacturers adopt low
er scale OF wages, shoemakers will wish
they had stuck to the last PhiIa-
delphia News.
You can't Judge of a mans character
by the clothes he wears, but they give
you some idea Of his credit Pkila-
delphia Call
AMERICAN genius dates from way
back. Even the mound-builders dis
played good deal of injunknewity.-
Duluth Photographer.
IT may seem paradoxical, but it is q
fact nevertheless, that the man who
pursues the even tenor of his ways
never gets offhis bass Boston Cour-
ier
APPLIED science-Prof. Bugwig-"Be
calm. A bee can only sting once in
two minutes" Boy-"Onceis enough
for me. You can have the second
one."-I Life.
"WAuER, take away this beer; it's
muddy" The waiter, without stirring
l-"You are deceived, sir. It is the
glass which is dirty; the beer is excel
lent. Taste it, Judge.
The brutal policeman seems to
abound on the Pacific coast. At least
the Alta California says that what the
public want is g. policeman who will
club himself into insensibillty OCCASION
ally.
"HELLo old boy. Heard you're 60
ing to be married, and fine girl, too
eh ?" "Well, she has q very comedy
figure" "Oh, but that's aside from
the question. How about theincome-
ly fgure?"
THOMPSON-JOnes seems to be very
| popular. I wonder what's the reason2
Johnson-It's all due to the way he
greets a man. Yes? Nine times out
OF ten he says. ''Let's have some
thing. y Pittsburg Dispatch.
"SAY, Bub," remarked would-be
fisherman, care there any fish in this
stream ?" "Yep." "Will they bitter"
'None Of them ever bit me, mister; but
you don't need to 90 into the water to
fish if you don't like Pittaburg
Dispatch.
MISS A. to Miss Bid you notice
that Mrs. G. don't wear her engagement
ring while her affianced is out of town?
Miss B.-Yes, but don't blame her;
in this hot weather one wants to wear
just as little as possible Texas Sift-
lngs.
"HOW much do you sell UNI foh ?"
"Twenty five fer twenty fve." "Waal,
twenty-five oranges for twenty-five
cents, or twenty-five cents for twenty.
! five oranges-Which? Needn't think
you can cheat me with youah tricks"
| = Harper's Bazaar.
A SMALL boy was requested to look
up the word anonymous" and use it
in sentence. He found the mean.
ing to be without q name, and there
upon handed the following to his
happy parent: mamma has given us O.
new baby; it is anonymous"
Mr.. SIssY-Ya' as, / don't deny that
| am an Anglomaniac. / thought you
knew that, Miss Maud. Miss Maud
[ knew you were something OF a mani
&C, MIR. Sissy, but didn't know what
kind Life.
BLoBsoN-"What makes you look
SC cheerful to-day, Dumpsy Dump
open during the thunderstorm yes
terday, and our piano was struck by
lightning. You can't imagine what s.
relief it Is. = Burlington Free Press
YOUNG Wife-Oh, Mr.. Jones, Pm go
sorry Tom brought you home TO din
ner to-day. If he had told me you
were coming I'd have had something
nice, and haven't q thing in the house
fit to eat. Mr.. Jones-Now please
don't say q word about it, my dear
madam. You needn't worry yourself
| a particle, I take the naost Of my meals
ct home, myself Pittsburg Dis
patch.
CoLoRED Individual (recentiy en-
gagged In stealing watermelon, in
dignantly)-"I you de gentleman dat
fred dat bullet froo dis yer watermel-
on hab under my arm?' Irate far
mer-"Yes, l am" Colored individ-
ual-"Well, you clean done spilled de
melon, an come mighty nigh hittin'
dis niggah, shu! isn't gwine to take
de trouble to cay melons down to
you house no mo-. y Harper's
BaZar.
s'THERE is often notion" says an
exchange, "that scholars are not prac-
tical men, and they cannot get down
to the practical plane of life." O,
pshaw, we know better than that, and
We want to put in a defense. right here
for the college boys. We know young
men who graduated with big honors
who are now cutting stone and max
ing shoes in plain ordinary striped
Clothes Bismarck Tribune.
LITTLE Johnny Fresh, aged six,
walked into his mothers drawing
room before party of guests, having
come down from mis- evenings bath in
his pelt to make some complaint.
Goodness !" shrieked one, "take
away that child What dreadful
sight" ST amt no dreadfuller than
him." shouted back Johnny, as he
| pointed to a big statue of Cupid,
land got more clothes on. Look at
my porous plaster onto my back"
A PRETTY good story is current on
DR.. Race. He was sitting in his Office