The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1887-04-02
MARX TWAIN AS A FARMER.

7 love the farm. Adam loved the farm.
. Oaughter) Noah loved his vineyards, |
Horace loved the farm, as is shown by |
that great book, "What know about
Farming Oaughter.) Washington,
Webster and Beecher were allured by
Che attractions of agriculture. Some
one said to Beecher: keep your cows
out of my shrubbcry.' keep your
shrubbery out of my cows" replied
Beecher, cit spoiis the milk"
Laughter.) Hogs are hard animals to
drive over a bridge. Oaughter.) 1
once saw man carried several miles
on the back of a hog that
turned back in opposition to
the solicitations of the driver on APP
preaching bridge. Oaughter.) l
will tell you of safe way to get hogs
over bridge; Kill them and draw
them over in wagon. Uaughter.)
Hogs are fond of spring lambs and
spring chickens. Hogs will eat their
own offspring if no lambs or chick
ems are offered in the market. Oaugh-
ter.) When a boy l was solicited to
escort pig to neighbours farm. A
strong rope tied to the pigs leg was
placed iii my hand. l did not know
before the speed and strength of pig.
Oaughter.) But they do not run the
way you want them torun. (Renewed
laughter.) A pig can draw a canal
boat with the tow-line tied to his hind
leg, but l would not insure the canal
boat. Hogs are clearly, orderly, silent
and not bent on mischief Qaughter)
when cut up and sailed and in tight
barrel, with a heavy weight on the
lid. prolonged laughter.3 This is all
L know about hogs.
d love COWS. Uaughter) What so
meek and low-ly-QaughteD--as a
moOley COW? City people are foolish
ito be frightened at COWS. Twas never
hhurt by COW but once. He shook his
! head at me from behind a strong gate.
] felt the security Of my position and
SHE'D a pumpkin at him. He came
through the gate as though it was Il
SPIDERS web, and then was sorry
did it, Qaugh cry This kind of a
COW should not be fooled with unless
you are tired of monotony, Oaugh-
ter.) The poet loves to dwell upon
milkmaids, milking time and lovers
sparkling over the farm yard gate, but
no such poet could ever have MIXED a
cow in fly time. Uaughter.) can
not imagine successful love
suit at such season,
MIXED the COWS one night when the
boys were off on Fourth of July.
(Laughter.) That is, MIXED one and
One-half cows. Oaughter) The last
one was so busy knocking off flies with
her hind foot thought had better not
disturb her longer. A pail of fresh milk
kicked over boy does not improve hi:
clothes or temper. Some say milkeC
from the wrong side. Great laughter
Thought l would be sure and be right
so MIXED half on one side and hal
on tho other. (Renewed laughter.)
was on the other side when she knocked
off most flies. Can any one tell me VIII!
a COW should be permitted to dictate
which side a man shall milk from?
claim the right of my choice at leas
Ihalf of the time.
Sheep are my special delight How
gracefully the lambs gambol over tn
green. TRUST you never gamble owe
the green. Nothing so patient am
modest as a sheep. Oaughter.) Som
say a scamp is the black sheep of tn
flock, but black sheep is just as re
? spectacle as any, aud the color lin
should not thus be drawn. daughter.
Ionce fshed on the bluff and casual,
discovered a sheep with large crooks
horns coming at me with head dow
and fire in her eyes. The fish wer
not biting well, so left my sport an
lodged behind stump. The shee
fell on the rocks below and broke hi
neck. For this act have since bee
accused of non-protection of the WOO
traffic. This reminds me of commi
sioner of agriculture in old times VIII
purchased six hydraulic rams for til
improvement of American flock
prolonged laughter.) Feather bee
are made from geese, but all woole
goods and drums are made from Shee
skins. (Applause.)
take great pride in the horse. II
is the nOblest Roman of them all.
Oaughter) l once led Stephens hor:
to water. How proudly he arched h
neck and tail. He was so fond of IL
he tried to embrace me with his frol
feet But was SO shy he turned abo
and playfully knocked my hat off Wi
his heels Oaughter.) told Stephel
I thought horses looked much bett
walking on four feet than on two fee
A horse presses hard when your toe
caught under his hoof. l speak n
from theory, but from actual expel
ence. Oaughter.) 1 went riding wi
Cra,Nbanoi borSo opd ha ehiad ~