The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-09-17
THE HuMoR OF A WRECK.
BY F. E.. HuppLE.

| Reader, were you ever in a cataStro- phe? Did you ever sit silently listen 1 ing to the clacketyclack of the wheels of Pullman sleeping coach and the sonorous dreaming of tho man who seems to be laboring under the con- vietion that he will never be able to get there unless he does half the pufI- ing and snorting necessary to a thous- and mile journey? Have you ever been rudely smtchel from the arms of Morpheus in the middle of the night and your frail dream shirt and landed in those of red headed wo- man who has not been hugged tor a quarter of a century?
 | If you have, you can appreciate my late experience. recently embarked on the train laden with people who were going to sec the great Niagara fall at seven dollars and fifty cents a head and d good wetting thrown in. I had seen the cataract and was not so full of fond hope and gay anticipation as the rest; so soon fell asleep and had just dreamed that l had married princess of rare size and eighteen kar- ats fine. when there came sudden lurch and then series of bumps re- sembling my sensations the night old man Catastrophy showed nae down stairs with the toe of his boot thereby forever blasting the fruit of love which his daughter Arabella and I had been carefully cultivating with our mouths for three solid hours, My dream was so real that l did not at once realize that l was mang!e;! corpse in great railway disaster or a poor devil in his only clean shirt. Neither did immediately discover that l was not a king by marriage, hut a wretched wayiarer on the jour- ney to Niagara in the wrong berth.
 l was, however, and the old maid who was occupying th.t berth to the exclusion of everybody else had her arms around mo and was screaming for help at the top of her mouth. told her to be calm, and as l wound my arm about her supposed graceful form in sympathy (tor il was pitch darE) she gradually ceased to cry for help, and when dozen voices outside inquired what they could do for her she bravely told them that she would endeavor to bear her agony while tloSe less fortunate were being cared for. commended her bravery, and about that time began to remember where was and how l was dressed, or rather how l was mol dressed The friendly darkness of the night en- abled me to slip away unobservcd, but the moment began to slip she began to scream for help. strove to quiet her, but in vain. She per sistently refused to bc comforted. and as the porter came in the front door with his lantern about that moment l left her to her fate and made bolt for the place where 1 had left my raiment. The wreck, however, had evidently left my clothes somewhere else. Although we had an immense telescope. l was utterly unable to find them even by it's aid "IIe is gone" she sadly moaned. "Who?" asked il dozen voices. "lic, the joy of my heart and the hope of my life" "is he killcd?" they inquired. "Oh, do not know, she madly groancd. "Minc for but one brief moment and now gone-gonc forever" By gum. he has married her and this is his we'd ding tour. anl the vile wretch Is try to give her the shake" said sus- picious passenger, and another pro- posed mobbing me on the spot. and they searched the car aud found me with q pair of daIna.k curtains oyer me crouching iu n corner. and they said that proved il, and so they pro- l ceeded to take me out to execute me. After some debate as to whether de- served to be scaldcd to death in the escaping steam from the engine or held down while "a car should bc over turned on me, they determined on plain hanging, and when they asked me if 1 had anything to say, for want of something better, they permitted me to have my request to be brought face to face with my accuser That settled it and saved my life. When they saw her. her maDglcd calves from which the ghastly straw pro- truded, her false teeth half gone. her rosy complexion all rubbed of. and her uniaithful hair bangi by sim gle thread they said suffered enough, and took up a collection to purchase me some pantaloons or buy me gold medal, according to my needs. Verify. gentle reader, travel ing by rail l. an extra hazardous oc- cupation.- New Yoyk Mercury.
 A New York drummer in Teas was Dragging about the magnitude of