The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-10-06
9lashea Of fun.

84ahhEA Nv 8MN.
A man who kept a scolding wife, being
asked what he did for a living, replied
that he "kept a ~hot-house."
Sunday school teacher-"What is it,
Tommy, that stingeth like an adder?''
pupil lrecently caught on a neighbor pear
tree)-"The end Of a trunk strap."-Bur-
Ernqton Press.
Fond Wife-Would you believe that
Mrs. Eccles, next door, speaks seven lam
g1uages?
. Fond Husband-Certainly I would.
She's got tongue enough to speak fifty
Harper's Bazar.
Belated inebriate-"I shay, stranger!"
Sober party-"W Well, what do you
want?"
Inebriate-" Can't you help a genie
(hic) man find a housh that1l fit this la'ch-
KEY ?"-Teros Svtings.
The best explanation of the phrase, "be-
tween the two horns of a dilemma" is a
hoy on top of an orchard wall, with a dog
impatiently waiting for him on one side
and the owner of the premises, with a
cowhide, on the other.
Mistress (to servant)-"Did you tell
those ladies at the door that I was not at
home?" .,
Servant-"Yis, num-"
Mistress" What did they say?"
Servant-"How fortinit!'
Housewife-"Go long with you. [
have a carpet claener that beats any two
Of yours"
Impossible madam! Can I-ef-see it?'
"Well, I dunno. He's out in the back
yard now, and he's apt to get mad if stran-
gers look at him."
my dearsfriend, how were you able to
acquire such an immense %fortune?,'
"By a very simple method"
What method is that"
when I was poor / made out that [
was rich, and when | got rich / made out
that [ was poor."-7sras Sytings
Omaha bride-"My dear, I wish you
would bring home one Of those boxes Of
French bonbons tonight"
Husband-" Wha-"
And after tea it will be real pleasant
to go out and get some ice cream.
"Great stars and stripes! Why were
married. Omaha World.
What would you say, young man. said
an eminent Prohibitionist, eff [ were to
tell YOU that [ never enterd a whiskey
saloon in my life? 2" What would Isay?"
repeated the young man slowly and
thoughtfully. "Well, sir, I would say
that the drug stores in your vicinity have
been playing in big luck."-NeW York
Sun-
Speaking of the boom in southern Cal
~ifornia, a Sacramento gentleman said that
he attended a ball a few nights ago at
Puente, and while waltzing with young
lady she sold him two lots, which she as
sured him were charming bits of property
and cheap. He found that n was COW
cred with water and the other was a pile
Of rocks.
Housewife Ito new domestic)-There
is one thing | wish to say to you. The
last girl had a habit of coming into the
parlor and playing on the pianno when
ever she felt like it. You never play tho
piano, do you?
"No, mum, but Oh thing Oh cud learn
with a little showin' from you.'- UoSh-
sagtOn Critic.
They tried to choose a jury-12 honest
men to find, distinguished for their abso-
lutte vacuity of mind. One candidate
was challenged because he brought to
view, some little trace of intellect-and
that would never do! The e was
dropped directly, as quick as you could
wink, because he said when he was
young he sometimes used to think. The
next was turned away in haste without
a second look, for he imprudently con
fessed he once had read a bookshelf
York Commercial Advertiser.
stranger [ want to sell yer a horse
Stranger" was the reply, Il don't
want him."
Stranger" rejoined the wayfarer, eyer
RELY must buy him Yer never see a bet
ter horse for the price"
"What is the price, stranger?" asked
the contemplative man.
"A hundred and fifty dollars and dirt
cheap at that"
The inquirer mediated for d few mo-
ments and then blandly remarked:
"Stranger, I'll give yer five
The equestrian ~dismounted, saying with
earnestness: "Stranger, [ won't allow
one hundred and forty-five dollars to stand
between you and me and a trade. The
horse is yours."-SJtings.
THE SCRIBE AT THE CIRCUS.