The Dillon tribune., 1887-11-04

aa;-1:.' N S,edC attention IS paid to dis
I,ipllhe why the young ladies should
.4asT s,,, uttered or the old lady have looked
SO all-abroad, could not Guess. Int os
people were beginning to come into ch,,rcI,
IN considerable numbers drew toward
Che chahcel steps, discoursing as I went.
ana then, as we reached the chancel rata
paused. intending. before we parted to
make some allusion to having met them ;n
oxford. The elderly lady, however. mis-.
TOOK me. She stopped ut the foot of tho
steps, where her head was still SLIGHTLY
ABOVE mine, and bringing her hand out Of
her pocket, where she / id been iunb,nr.
sllppeu u half crown into my palm and
said, ''Ihcre. my little man, thai win do.
you've got it all very nicely; row T mnst
just give you one kiss, my dear" and with
t!lat l, yes |. was kissed publicly On nv
own chancel steps, under my own rood
screen, before the eyes Of my own pastor
ana flock. ''Oh. yes! dear little fellow.r
cried the young Indies, she is SO pert and
cunning" and they too kissed me with
great goodwill | stood with flaming
cheeks and mouth agape, the half crown
still III my hand, watching, them as they
ctomplacently retreated down the aisle.
Then, when they had disappeared, reused
by the litter OF ladies and the outlaws of
my ielloW clergy at ,he vcstry door, I fled
registers and surplices of the vestry.
1t was useless to remain in that parish
The conduct of the congregation next
Sunday, when l stepped forth to read the
lesson, proved that to demonstrations OF
course such Il story had spread like Wild
lire. The church was crammell, and when
IN reading about David, who was ::ruddy
ana Wlthal Of Il beautiful countenaucc,'
came to the words. Lock not ON his
countenance or on the height of his stat
ure, there arose such /; stifled laughter
as sounded like the wind among dry
leaves. | stopped short, consumed with
shame and modification, unable to see the
book for tears, and then. with an astute-
ness I did not know / possessed. Judi
ciously tainted away and was borne out
like child in the arms OF the basso
blacksmith
1t was II skillful stroke and might have
retrieved me, but could not brook to re-
main there longer. BY the assistance of
the archdeacon and tho consent of the
bishop. who tried hard not to laugh while
he gave 1t, was transferred to another
county. But though no like blow fell on
me there, l saw the attempt was useless.
Did go to school to ratechise or exhort
tho boys. my presence was IL signal for
disorder. AS matter of course my ALI
thority was disregardcd Girls ciatted
under my nose. boys extracted from
dirty breechcs pockets pegtops and
toffee before my very eyes, and even
looked to me for encouragement, and If
the master was forced to come to the
rescue and canes lad, the ingenious youth
would appeal to me, with an air that said
as plain as Words ''Come, you know what
alley-tors are? Why don't you put II stop
to this grown up tyranny? Have YOU no
fellow feeling:" At baptisns mothers re-
fused to let me offlciate upon the bawling
infant, vowing ''they weren't agoin' to let
that theer careless boy play no tricks with
the blessed baby Ny ministrations pro-
voked hilarity at funerals, and once an
hitting Oh the wickedness of her ways,
soused me neck and crop, clerical hat and
all, into her soapsuds and washtub.
With much pain / dropped my holy
calling. Marriage and literary life ab-
sOrbed some years. | strove-hcaven
knows how earnestly-to correct the vice
of my appearance, but the more l ad-
vanced in life the more absurd matters
grew. Occasional glimpses of hope only
proved dclusive and plunged me back
again into a darker despair. II I have
tried one patent infallible whisker pro-
ducer I have tried twenty. have been
mine of wealth to BARRIERS. Fluids that
would make an elm plank shaggy simply
make my cheeks look ckapped. Many
time have l gone to rest daubed with
pomade, only to find i'll the morn
ing that it had fed from my chin in
the night to seek 4 more hopeful
ground on the pillow. Once u slight
downy effiOrescence made it's appearance
under my jaw, and for days was almost
delirious with Joy, and walked the streets
with my chin i'll the air to show my
manly beard. Alas! like Jonah's gourd,
it withered in one night, as it grew. Sud-
denly it dropped off and left my face hair
less as the sole Of my foot At 40 still
looked like II.
But though I looked as if time had
stood still with me, in fact it has made
rs good haste us with other folks. My
wife is half as tall again us /. and twice
as heavy. When give her my arm she
puts her fingers into my armpit and peo-
pie are ceasing to take her for my
mother and think am her grandchild. l
am blest with Il hopeful young; family,
boy and 4 bony, awkward girl, who looks
already over the crown Of my head and
has to stoop down TO kiss me. The boy
do think an extraordinary creature. He
is not more than 49, but he looks as much
older than his age as I, so to speak, look
younger than mine. lie is tall and
burly, and has a mighty mature and
lumpish look. The beard which fate
has denied me adorns him. and with
double portion, and, now that his voice
has broken and settled itself into q kind
of hoarsc bray, boyisll is the last word to
apply TO him.
I took him down the other day to lIarl-
IN Il Il,