The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-08-25
- 49, SAAs
Glaahes of fun.


K engaging .smils.rAr lovers grin at
his fiancee.
The refined lard manufacturer has a try
ing time of it.
It is a wise child that resembles it's
richest relatives.
The chiropodist. gets ahead by working
away attthe foot. Il
i There'is only one season inthe year for
the kangaroo-spring. - 80 ~
The question Of the (twiligh1 hour
Are you sure the dog is tied? '~'
The longer a man lives the more he
knows about what he doesn't know.
The oyster is like a man in one respect.
he is Of little use until q get bis out of
his bed. ga =.
A girl may be like sugar for twossea-
sons. She may be sweet and d she may
be full OF grit IDS. ii 4ss.I Z
THE susceptible youth is like the mos
quito. There is little hope for him after
he gets mashed. r: 60
Self possession in a young woman is
MIL 14ooSh LII q III OoO LIZ u Y
keep it up too long.
"Order is heavens first law" says
Pope, and the restaurant keeper thinks it
ought to be the customers too. ?.
The insane men who handle firearms
never seem to miss aim. This may be
because they are "cracked" shots.
When does a lady treat a man like a
telescope? When she draws him out,
looks him through and then shuts him up.
An exchange answers the question, as
to whether a christian man can do bust
ness successfully, by saying that he can if
he advertises.
Another cure for, consumption has been
discovered. AS the discovery was made
in Vienna, the consumption meant is per-
haps that of beer. s
Patient dissatisfied with dietary re-
strictions)-Say, Doc, I'm blamed if I'm
going to starve to death just for the sake
of living a little longer.
The only reason the world tolerates a
fiddler is because a cat has to be killed to
furnish the strings. A cat, dead or alive,
is bound to make a noise.
Paradoxical as it may appear, it is
nevertheless a fact that, however danger
Gus the profession of a bank burglar may
be, he is, unquestionablY, a safe man.
If, through the success of the agita-
ton for the women's rights, women ever
come to sit in the jury box, infants Will
probably get to be criers in the court.
A young man is apt to stammer and
stutter when he declares his passion.
Some time the plying girl helps him out,
and some time it is her pitiless father.
1t is said that in Portland, Me-, there is
man with a false nose, a glass eye, but
three fingers and one thumb, one ear,
false teeth, false hair and cork leg. He
was formerly a base ball umpire.
A Vassar graduate out m the country
went into the stable, of a farm house.
"Dear me, how close the poor cows are
crowded together" she remarked. Eyes,
mann, but we have TODD it." ""Why SOP
"To get condensed milk"
"No, Bobby" said his mother, zone
piece of pie is quite enough for you'll
~"It'sfunny,' . responded Bobby" with an
injured air. "You say you are anxious
that I should learn to eat properly, and
yet you won't give me a chance to prac-
tice."
tell you, this fishing is no child's
play" remarked Blobson, as he tipped up
the bottle of bait, and impaled about a
pint of it. "Fish have a secret or two,
and don't you forget it," "That may be-"
responded Dumpsey, "but if | am not
mistaken we shall worm it out Of them"
Daughter-"There is only one thing
more astonishing than the readiness with
which Ned gave up tobacco when we be-
came engaged"
Mothere"What is that astonishing
thing pr Ht1I}Et tfL
"The rapidity with which he took it
I'D again as soon as we were married.
Sytngs. Z.
lowell, said the proprietor, az do not
thinksyon could, but when T first went TO
work I got only $3.50 a week"
The Arab sized the speaker up from
head to foot, and then giving his head a
toss and edging to. the door. he said:
Well! perhaps that was all you was
worth --Boetoal Globe.
"Tompkinson," said a somewhat rapid
travelling man to a friend, whose tastes
and habits were much like his own. "Im
very much worried"
ct wouldn't cultivate it, my dear fell
low. But what's the trouble?'
"Debts. I'm overwhelmed with them.
I can't turn a corner without running
~ I'M E - IL