St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1887-06-25
LlMEKiLN CLUB.
4 Dastardly Deed Which Led Brothe
Csardaer to. Deliver . sound Lecture.

a OAstArdly Deed which Leo Seotner
Gsrdaer to. Deliver sound Lecture.
The thirteenth dastardly attempt to
destroy Paradise Hall was revealed at
five o'clock Saturday evening when the
janitor arrived to place the hall in
order for the usual meeting. Ever since
the attempt Of last October bear-traps
and spring-gans have been set at every
door and window when the hall was
closed. and this fact was generally
known to the public. The human
hyena who had resolved in his own base
mind to destroy the headquarters OF the
club procured a ladder, mounted to the
roof, and then cut hole and descended
alongside Of chimney. In this way
he thought to escape all dangers pre-
pared for him. and he no doubt
chuckled with fiendish glee rs he
dropped down into the library. His
first move was to demolish the bust OF
Cicero. This was one Of the first busts
donated tn the club. and has represented
Horace Greeley. Napoleon Bonaparte.
Franklin Pierce. George Washington
and several other distinguished men by
turns. The villain seized crowbar
standing in corner OF the
library and demolished the bust at one
awful sweep. He then started for
the club safe, doubtless intending to
drive the crowbar through and through
it. and then vengeance overlook him.
As he stepped into the passage behind
the secretary's desk bear-trap awaited
his coming with yawning jaws and
clashing teeth. What occurred is par
tally matter Of guesswork. The trap
was found sprung and in its jaws was
: bloody boot Bloody tracks led from
thence to the ante-room. and there the
bastard had raised = window and leaped
down on the roof Of the grocery and es-
capped to the ground. The occurrence
probably took place Friday night. as the
policeman on the beat remembers OF
hearing loud. long shrek about eleven
o'clock. II sounded to him like the
voice Of strong man about to give up
thefight for his life. and though he in
vestigated the neighborhood he was
made no wiser. How the villain suf-
fered-how he wrung his hands and
vowed to live . better life hereafter
how the sweat Of agony stood on his
forehead and his eyes grew fiercely
wild-can be imagined by any one who
has visited the scene.
1t is supposed that he had . ''paf''
in the alley. and that this man finally
came to his relief and pried the trap
open far enough to permit the foot to
le pulled out OF the boot. As soon as
the meeting was called to order the
janitor reported the case. accompanied
by . war map, and Brother Gardner
arose and said:
MY frens. dis incident furnishes me
wild an opportunity to address you on
de subjick Of Goodness vs.. Badness. If.
when . baby was three days ole. he
could reason an calkilate. he would
reason Is follows: 'Heah l ar, u sound,
healthy boy, wild big show of CROWN
mp to manhood. De more l kick an
veil an misbehave doorin' my infancy
de mo- spankin's I'll receive. De better
mind an de gooder l ar As a boy de
easier will I slip along. As a young
man shall be upright an honest A.
middle-aged man shall act on de
sauar'. As an ole man shall qui,
chawin' plug tobacker. read up on dt
Bible an 60 to bed airly.'
..Wickedness doan' pay. figger it uT
as YOU will. We hev had many in
stances Of it in dis club. an we ar sur
rounded wild 'em at home. When
Whalcbone Howker stole a wheelbarrer
belonyin' to Pickles Smith he at fust re
ioiced an was glad. He felt dat HI
was two dollars ahead of de game, and
he poked hisself i'm de ribs fur smar,
man. Howsumeber. he hadn't had dat
stolen vehickle in his posseshun two
hours when his game rooster died. de
dog-catcher picked up his dog. ar
man who owed him four dollars we::
into bankruptcy. He could figger da
he was eight dollars out Of pocket. an
den Pickles foun' out who stole hi
wheelbarrer an cum ober an licket
Whalebone widin an inch Of his lif,
besides.
Take de case Of Bermuda Jones
who Ibis mex dOah to Condensed Gun
ningham. Bermuda sot down wild |
piece Of chalk an figgered up dat wick
edness paid two hundred per cent. an
he went obcr to de grocery; backed uI
scin a cracker bari. an while he in
GAGGED de grocer in . religus discussion
wild one hand. he filled his hind pocke
wid crackers wid de odder. HI
started out Of dat grocery feeling da
he was seben cents ahead an still gain
in. but what was de result? A small
bow, who was in dar to buy cent
Wort Of talfy. seed de hull performanc
an told de grocer. Bermuda was fol
lered home. Knocked down in tn
kitchen an made to give up de fS cane
seat cheers in his parlor to settle d
case. Did he profit BY his badness
Did he make any two hundred per cent
on dats
.Agin. take de case Of Kurnel Letting
we'll Kabar. had six Leghorn hens i
INV COOP, an he coveted 'em. Instea
Of comm to me in . frank. honest wa
an ofTerin' to buy dose hens at del
value an gibin' me his note due i
thirty days, he steals upon my coop i
de gloom Of midnight an forcibly car
tivates my poultry. He chuckled
hisself ober his sm.rtness an he figgere
up his two hundred per cent profit, bu
= Nemesis war on on his trail. He lei
one n de ole blue patches on his pant