Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1887-10-28

sewing society aud other meetings p"
Wife: yes, sir am but do it for
economy's sake. l don't believe you
could afford To have me walk"
Husband: "Whv so, pray ?"
Wife: Perhaps you are not aware
that between our house and the postofIice
there are four mlliners' shops"
Robbie: Mamma, doesn't it make your
hands warm to spank me :"
Mamma: "Wby-yes, Robbie, it does"
Robbie: "Wouldn't it do Just as well
then, mamma, for you to go and hold 'em
over the register ?"
Light Observation-Disclosures
Moves in the highest circles-the moon.
"My dear young lady" he asked, So
licitously, what do you consider your
sphere in life ?"
The ball" she promptly replied.
First citizen "What makes you think
your neighbor, Towson, is religious
man ?'
Second citizen "He always Sits his
ashes on still day"
The adage, "If you hesitate you are
lost" remarked old Ponsonby, is never
truer than when you have made up your
mind to steal kiss.
The following testimonial, from lady,
has been left at this Office, for sale, by
dealer in patent medicines Dear doc
tor: | will say that, while suffering
from severe backache, ! took my purse
in my hand and went out to buy one of
your plasters. | met street thief on the
corner, and was relieved at once. You
can use this for what it is worth"
A lady from "under the mountain"
walked into the Office of one of cur dem
lists, the other day, and called for "a set
of Chiny teeth"
De Smith: Don't you think Augustus
Popinjay is keeping bad company lately"
Travis "Shouldn't wonder; he's alone
great deal of the time"
The Mount Washington signal service
men will miss their accustomed high liv-
ing this winter
Railroad iconoclasm: "Well, Bill, how
goes it Are you brakng yet y'
ooh, no; I've given up braking and
gone to baggage smashing.
"Why do you keep all your choice etch-
ings tucked away in dark drawers - ask
ed Blobson Of Dumpsey, who within the
past 10 years has expended at least $35 in
collecting art treasures
Because, my dear fellow, the perfec-
ton of art is to hide art"
GEOGRAPHY FOR BIG SINNERS.
/. Bound Dead Ball
9. What is the capital of Jay Could ?
B. Name the highest peaks of the Creed
moor range.
4. What political party controls the
banks of the Salt river?
5. What is the population of Washing
ton IN August?
6. Reclte to slow music the unpronounce-
able rivers of Maine
ALAS. !" sighed thu mule, as he wiggled his
And brushed from his eyelash a great spark
ling tear.
why SHOULD they prefer that burlesquer to
me,
When am much better kicker than she ~
-WdShtngtOn Critic.
The man who drinks too much whiskey
Is apt to have rye face.-BOstOn Gazette.
can go mile in IA days. The snail is the
messenger boy among animals.
Yes, Evelina dear, many car wheels
now are made of paper. The rest are
mostly discarded railroad apple pies and
. cookies.-SunmcrU journal.
Utahk of all the farming West;
If Idaho I'd go there;
, I'd Nebraska better chance
If once had Il show there.
". Y. Commercial advertiser.
An usher at one of our fashionable
! churches noticed a tot of girl waiting
about the ves.ibule until the services be
gan. Then he kindly offered to find her a
seat.
"No, flank 'oo," she said, sweetly: Il
want 10 90 in veal late an make a then
thation, like mamma !''-DctrOU Free
Press.
And do you really love me, George ?"
she asked.
Love you T" repeated George, fervent-
~. "Why, while was bidding you good
by on the porch last night, dear, the dog
bit chunk out of my leg, aud | never
noticed it until l got home.-BOStOn Bed-
con.
BLESSED SEASON.
Now in the parlor meet the pair
When golden day ID done,
. Two forms with but one rocking chair.
Two hearts that beat rs one.
Boston Courier
The servant girl who uses kerosene oil
in the kitchen stove may be said to be
! killed by light housekeeping. -ROchcSter
Post Dispatch.
An Illinois farmer has made cheese in
the shape or man. III Is SAID TO look ike
a thing Of life-and very likely it is
lOnkerS Statesman.
The BARRIERS will hold national conven-
ton in Buffalo next month to make ont
schedule of conversational topics for the
ensuing year,-N Y. World.
Scientists say that the potato rot comes
once in ten years-every decayed as were.
It'd Bits
Mr., Hayseed to wife, who is returning
from church -"What was the sermon
about :" Mrs Hayseed thin about
Joseph goin' dlun TO Egypt to'buy corn"
Mr.. Hay seed-"Did tue dominic say
what corn's wu'th daun there.-The
Epoch.
Unwelcome advice: Lay off.your over
coat or you won't feel it when you go
out" said landlord of a Western inn
to guest who was sitting by the fire.
1.-The last time was here | left off my
overcoat | didn't feel 1t when l went
out, and | haven't felt it since-"-Indur-