Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1887-06-30
sHUCK TROTTER'S FOURTH
And How He Observed lt-A Celebra-
ton Under Difficulties.

tion Under Difficulties.
Shuck Trotter, having "laid by" his
corn on the third Of July, was lifted in
to such exultation by his maturing
prospects of a good crop, that he decid-
ed to hold sort of celebration on the
Fourth. Throughout the neighborhood
of "Lick Skillet" Shuck enjoys that pc
culiar leadership which certain oddities
of character frequently grant man
who lives in backwoods community.
Those oddities, however, are never of
an intellectual sort, for, in Shuck's
neighborhood, q characteristic that Is
purely mental is always regarded rs a
weakness, while o certain "prankish-
ness" particularly an ability to jump
higher and dance faster than any other
man is ma italicized distinction.
The celebration at Shuck's house can
doubtless be given most appropriately.
and am certain most entertainlngly.
In the exact words of Zeb Finch, the
brown jeans beau of the Lick Skillet"
neighborhood.
when Shuck came over whar wuz
er cleanin' up some new ground fur er
turnip patch,' said Zeb, 'an' told me or
bout the CELEBRATION, sorter hung fire
er bout goin'; but when he lowed pine
blank that Liza Baker an the Unison
gals would be thar, l told him that
nothin' but er powerful mixture NV the
rheumatic an cramp collie could keep
me er way, an meant whut l said,
even If Liza is fat, an not ez pale ez the
most NV folks like TO see gal. Well,
when arriv at Shuck's house seed
that all the necessary preparations had
been made. 1t wuz too hot to stay in
the house so a lot of cheers an benches
had been put in the yard under er low,
spreadin' mulberry tree, that give Il
thick shade. Thar wuZ er right smart
sprinklin' Nv folks, l tell you. Ole
Uncle Nose Gayner, that went to the
Legislator last year wuZ thar. UEcle
Nose amt much bigger er round then
er hoe-handle, an it do peer like that
when natur sot in to maxim his legs
she come mighty nigh not stoppin' er
tall. but in spite NV all these here draw
backs the ole fetler has got a way NV
smackin' his mouth when the jng is
passed, that gest nachully keeps him
frnm fallin' into obscurity, ez the
preacher says. Ole Miz Gayner was
thar, too. / don't think ever seed d
fatter woman than she is. WY, she's
so much thicker then she is high that
when she wants to reach up on er shelf
after anything she lays down. The
Jimison gals wuZ thar, sho nuff, an
ges, hol' my hat, somebody, while |
think NY her-Mlss Liza, bless her fat
jaws, wuz thar bigger'n life, un er av-
erage hoss. Don't understan' me to
mean any disrespect when | compar
that lovely creetur with er hoss, for
lemme tell you the human family will
have to improve nightly befo' it ketch-
es up with the hoss.
1t mout not peer to be necessary to
speak about the sizes Nv these folks, but
I'll jest say that weight had er good
deal to do with the tallness Nv the cap
ers that wuZ cut that day.
odd Shuck wuZ in his glCTy, an low
ed that the country's birthday should
be cilybrated in er manner that the
neighbours wouldn't soon furgit.
''How are you goin' to do it, Shuck"
says L. 'We can't do nothin' but set
er round an stuff ourselves with water
millions an sich.'
Don't fool yo'self,' says he. I'm
goin' to have some 'splosions here air
ter awhile thatrl lay all the frecrackers
an tawpeters you ever seed in the ever
lastin' shade. See this taken er pack
age outen the pocket Nv his duster.
Here's two pounds Nv the finest blast
in powder you ever come across. Air
| ter we eat and drink er while we'll step
out here and bore holes in logs, load em
up and have the allfiredest lombard
ment you ever seed. Folks way over
the creek will think that the biggest
Fourth Nv July this country ever seed
has Jest been turned loose on the COM
munity.
''Oh, Cousin Shuck,' said Miss Liza
and as l remarked jest now, bless her
fat iaws-'please don't have no shootin'
fur it skeeIs me-
'sBless yo' soul and body, Lizy.'
Shuck replied, Il wouldn't skeer you
fur nothin' in the world, but on this
occasion I'm jest nachully bound to
turn the hills and hollers wrong side
out'ard, er haw, haw-plumb wrong
side out'ards, Uncle Nose he added,
grinniE' at the lean old man.
Laws a massy,' cried Shuck's wife,
'the white sow is in the milon Patch.
Run, Shuck, and knock her fetch-taked
head Off.
'Shuck he drapped the package NY
powder in er cheer and or way he went,
and Liza snatched up the powder,
fetched up and put it on the limb Nv
the tree and begged us not to tell Shuck
whar it wuz which we all promised that
we wouldn't. Shuck brought er big
milon back with him and we div into 1t
red-eyed. Then he axed fur his pow
der. We all flowed that we.hadn't seed
| IL,