Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-03-10
BILL NYE AND BIG HATS.

The late William Shakespeare once
wrote in an autograph album these words
All the worlds a stage.
Sincerely your friend,
VIM. SHAKESPEARE.
Perhaps he meant that there were flies
on it-but we will not undertake to enter
this field of thought. However to speak
in more serious vein and treating the
subject in more dignified way, will
state that after a number of years scru-
tiny Of the world / am convinced that
the great bard used this expression in a
fgurative sense only. Gould he pick up
his pen to-day, he would eithor erase
the above line or add to it so that it
would read:
''All the worlds a stage, and nobody but
the woman In the high hat can see what
is going on upon it.
Yours bitterly,
BILL"
1t is not new field, perhaps, this dis
cussion of the tall hat, but desire In my
poor, weak way, to add my testimony to
the testimony of those who have sat down
on said hat. feel of truth-occasion-
aily-that this high hat is making an old
man of me and drawing lines of care
Here at time of life when I ought to be
in the full flush of pride and manhood
L find myself no longer able to build
fire in the morning, aSd my breath, which
was once as robust as that of the upas
tree, now comes in short pants.
The tall hat with wad of timothy or
five pound pompon at the apex Thereof, has
brought this about. How would a man
look who might sit in the bald-hesded row
wearing joint of stove-pipe on his head
trimmed with hayf Has it not been the
custom for years to place batd-headed
men on the front row, because they offer
ed no obstruction to the vision1
And now what do we see?
We do not see anything!
/ will leave it to ANY disinte-ested per-
SON to say whether Il do not love aud ad-
mire woman, whether aggregated or
segregated, but she does do some things
which as her friend and admin er I deeply
regret.
Not long ago had the pleasure of at
tending one of Mr.. Booths performances
in which he took the part'ef Hamlet with
great credit TO himself, as 1 Afterwards
learned from uaember.of the orchestra
who saw the performance.
If / had not Promised,G former wife of
would have been amply justified that
evening in saturating myself with bay
rum or some otaer seductive beverage.
[ paid large price week beforehand
for a seat at the Hamlet performance,
because [ hGd met Booth once III the
Rocky mountains and had made a deep
impression on him. had also told him
that if he ever happened to be in town
where [ was occurring would dismiss any
audience to come and hear him, and he
might DO rs he Thought best about shut
ting up on the following night to come
and hear me.
Well, noticed az first when went in,
that the row before me was anoccupied,
and l gathered myself up'in a strong
manly embrace and Rugged myself with
Joy. The curtain bumped itself, and the
first act was about in the act of produc-
ing itself, when "a M eek little geH tleman,
with an air of conscious guilt, came
down the aisle Ia advance of woman's
excursion, consisting of four female
members of his family, q judged. He
looked about over the house, timidly
took off his coat and seemed to be pre-
pairing himself for the vigilance COM
mittee. Then he sat down to see wheth-
er executive clealency could do any
thing for him.
The first wom&n of the four was
probably over 40, and yet with her almost
beardless face she looked scarcely SO, she
wore tail, hat, with a-sort of plume
to it, made by palling the paint-brush
tail out o. an iron gray mule and dying it
a deep crimson.
She wore other clothing, but that did
not incense me SO much as this hat, which
l had to examine all the evening.
time to the music, and breathed hard in
places, and shud&ered once or twice. She
also spoke to the miserable man who
brought her. Her voice YVES rich baritone,
with low xylophone gaeeion, and she
tbreathed like the passionate exhaust of an
overworked freight engiase. When she
spoke to her escort / noticed that he
shortened up about four insaes and seem
ed to wish he had never entered society.
The other three women had broad hats
with domes TO thems and the one who sat
On my right also sat on her foot. This
gave her fine opportunity to look out
through the skylight of the opera house
now and then. The next one TO her wore
deceased Plymouth Rock rooster in her
hat The fourth one sat in front of an
oldish gentleman who went osat between
the acts and came III with pickEad olive in
his mouth each time He could not see
anything on the stage, but he crawled up
under the brim of this woman's hat, with
his nose in the 1neshes of her hair, ard
his hot, local option breath in her neck,
patiently trying to see whether the slender
legs in long, black hose belonged te Mr..
Booth, Apoflinarus or the ballet.
If you will continue in your. excellent
paper to sit down on the tall hats, will
oct You Quite a number of Subscribers
here.
Bull NYE.
Big Circus Pay Rolls.