Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-29
DEACON eUkoerTe,
WITH COSTS ON rRR PROSECUTION.

"Prisoner, did you kill this boyr' II lid,
your honor; cut his throat. IIe shot ms In
the aar with rubber sling, and The
prisoner Is discharged, and the sheriff viii
give him back his knife and tell tho jsnitor
to sharpen it for him"
THE GHOST AND THE aRIo.
Ny son, he uniformly serious in your con-
veration with strangers. 1t is an uncomfort-
able situation to be in, having uttered .
merry little pleasantly, to learn, from the icy
chill that congeals your hearts blood, that
you are talking to that awful and human ice
berg, the man who never jokes. There is only
one worse thing in the world Of horrors-ths
man who always jokes
WITHOUT ARE DOGS"
What stuff people do write about dogs.
Hear what Col Thomas Wentworth Higgin-
son writes in Harper's Razar: How many Of
us hold to our friends with love as mex
haustiblo and as inextinguishabls - thas
which our dog gives to usr What rubbIsh
b thisi 1t seems to me that when people b.
come addicted to dog worship they loss their
minds The dog loves tho man who feeds
him. You may keep good, well bred dog
i've years, then sell him, and in two months
his .'inexhaustible love" will be 80 far sx-
hausted and his "inextinguishable" love 50
nsarly put out, that the faithful creature will
chase you out Of his new masters orchard.
A man who confesses that his 1--we
for his friends is weaker. and more
selfish, and less faithful than . dogs,
puts . shamsfully low estimate upon
his friendship l love to read the
tive greatest books in tho world, the Bible
and Shakespeare; neither Of them says any
thing good about dog. 1t isn't that dislike
dogs, because don't; like them; but thsrs is
such . tendency to dog worship in thess weak,
poodling times of pug and mastin that . man
needs . greatsieal Of wholesome corrective.
What's thati You once had dog that Do
you suppose am going to accept the state
ments Of men who once had, or who now have
dogs, as evidencei You'll want 70 tell me
about . baS you caught, the next thing. l
knew your dog; long haired, beautiful, -
tive, faithful creature he was, a. ever HAds
glad the heart Of boy. He used 70 trampls
| all over other peoples gardens and carried
his unwelcome feas into your Asighbers
homes: he tore down climbing vines and dug
fer moles and rats under the rose bushes, and
when it rained on him he smelled like the
pickling room of tannery. knew your dog.
PROFESSIONAL PHILANTHROPY.
"what is the charger asked the justice.
"well, sor,r said the officer, ''this naa
| Knocked the child hese Until tho gutter, thin
Kicked him all the way across the stbress, -
phin KEN up wild EN- he was batin' hin viA
~ tail gate Of a doornp cart" why ~
yol assault the child, prisonerr "Dsca.s
he throw a stone at . poor cat" Whss .
your businessr 81 am a philanthrspisA
He got thirty days FOR sentiment and rs1es-
tioo.
| A VALUABLE AFTrLCTIoN.
"What swells your face up - swfully,
bsyr Jumping toothache" "DsemS Il
hursY NEARLY kills me-" "Cons ints ~
Office, y .aid the kind young dentist- and III
cure it for you in a minute" "Doar want
it cured replied the boy: want 1t to keep
ms out Of school on the race days. It's
mighty rough ON a feller at nights, mister,
but wouldn't take ten dollars for this tooth,
lust the same"
THE HOUR OF TEMPTATIoN.
| "You can trust me now" said the penitent,
resolutely, II wouldn't tell a lie to save my
life- but can you trust your.elfr' asked
| the pastor, anxiously, "a habit Of exaggsrA-
| ton and prevarication is"- ~ can tell the
truth without a struggle insisted the ~
I
beside, some hound got into the store last
night and stole my trout rod; the prettisst
thing you ever whipped a brook with;
weighed four and half ounces, and in 1879 I
landeda seabass with it that weighedr-
But the minister had lighted candle and
\ gone away to get his bell and book.
| ANOTHER HEARrLEss EVICTION
Not alone in suffering Ireland and bleeding
| Iowa does the curse Of landlordism mako
desolate homes and aching hearts. We have
tust learned, from sources that cannot Be
doubted, that young Willoughby Kittcredgs
staekblosom, who has been boarding at Mrl
Hashbacon's well known boarding house for
dx weeks past, was last evening fired out Of
his apartments by tho landlady, who ~
tanned his Sunday gloves and sane, thus
thrusting the unhappy tenant into the street
practically naked Mr.. Stackblossom hAs
long been one Of the social lights Of our city,
and il his place at the suspendsr counter 10
vacant tomorrow morning it will be because
The worst has CONT A man can live upon
worst, however, for an indefinite space Of
period. There is something that usually goes
with worst, but We do not know how TO
spell It
EXECUTED WIN A PEN.
Cardinal
Beneath the sliding rule Of men entirely great
The typewriter Ia greater than the sword
oldgold-who swored, my lord!
Cardinal
The man who received the typewriter letter:
The printers who set up the copy;
Whole words spelled in the space Of one small N,
With all the letters piled on top Of another,
Like to Chinese sentence standing on its head.
What sense 10 there in this'-"Rgw: CHOPS
mdwwdf"
| In all the iexicous We use there's no such wsrA
A. 'kbftMalI3nS;" yet full well know
Il stands in this man note, for ''information;- ~
| thing,
That all its jarson ID writ plain for me;
But sorely do fear that learning it,
have made hopeless wreck Of temperate
speech,
And lost my fro.t pow standing n the sy.s-
eoGus.
See all around this line Of consonarts
Scared with Lost capitals, the proof reader has
His awful circle with the pencil blue;
Stand on; while on this correspondents head
launch the cuss OF our composing Room.
THE cussl
Dog gone the billy be dog goned man Of thumbs,
The diddledy dag goned chalky fingered loon;
Y gum: y Eaul: oil rabbit; jeeminy pclt,
| Cad looks; odd boddikins: by Venus glove;
By Mars his gauntlet: by the river side;
Sweet by and by, and bo oh, baby hy:~-
lat this point the catin slowly wthers away.
brooklyn Eagle.
| IN . T,,vv,non C.r