Morris tribune., 1887-08-17
MIR. AND MRS. B0WSER.
THE HUSBAND PREPARES a GRAND
SURPRISE FOR HIS WIFE.

He Guarantees to Furnish Plenty of Milk
for the Tamily-The Cow and Calf.
Grief-Finale.
'What dye Think" exclaimed Mr..
Bowser, as he rushed into the sitting room
without taking time to leave his hat and
overcoat on the hall rack.
''Some of our relations deadF ,ss,
stRelations? Nav! Mrs. Bowser, for
the past two or three weeks have been
preparing surprise for you-a great sur
prise. How much milk do we use around
this house daily?'
'Three quarts of milk and pint of
cream"
Exactly, Mrs. Bower, exactly. And
the cost is twenty-four cents. You call 1t
milk, but what is iti A compound of
chalk and water, which must kill us in
side of five years."
"And are you going to change milk
menF'
Exactly, Mrs. Bowser. am going to
be my own milkman after thisP'
'Nou are going to-to''-
eyes, I'm going to buy n cowW
'But you always get cheated on such
things"
"Do /? That's all you know about it
When don't make % per cent. profit
| want to be kicked A cow will be the
best paying investment we ever made.
just figure for yourself: There are twelve
quarts of rich milk per day, at six cents
| per quart. That's seventy-two cents pei
day or S.. 04 per week. Take out seventy.
| five cents us the cost of her keeping, and
you have clear profit of $4.29. Is thai
swindle? We can't use over four quarts
per day, and can therefore sell eight tx
| the neighbors. just speak to Green and
Smiths folks, will your"
MIR. BowsER's WARNING.
"Mr. Bowser, don't you remember oul
pigf'
"Pig! pig! What has a Durham COW
| got to do with short horn pig? And
| besides, your own base conduct killed thai
animal Mrs. Bowser, don't you dare at
tempt any tricks on my cow. l don't
want scandal but I'll divorce you i
| you ever look cross eyed at her."
"Wen, Well see how you'll come out. ,
| ''Oh, yes-throw cold water on my eff
forts to give you all the comforts of life
| It's wonder to me that / don't get dis
couraged and go to the gutter, as many 1
| good man has,
| Early the next morning a woman ap
| peared with cow and calf, having then
| tied behind her wagon. The calf was tiet
as well as the cow, and l noticed that i
seemed to be doing it's best to keep ava!
from her. This seemed so singular that
went to the back door to speak to Mr.
Bowser about it, but he promptly called
| to me:
| ''Get back therel Do you want to ge
| this cow excited and her blood heatet
upv
He paid for his new mich COW ant
| placed cow and calf in the barn, and afte
| giving them an hour to quiet down h.
| came in for me. After looking the ami
mails over asked:
''Mr. Bowser, how old is that calf"
'Three weeks"
| s'And that cow is it's mother?''
| ''Its mother? You don't think she's it
uncle or grandfather, do you? You mus
be getting soft in the head"
''Do you notice that she won't own it
See there! She's ready to cripple it if
comes nearr'
''Mrs. Bowser, you go in and attend t.
your gossip and that wall eyed baby, ant
don't you dare to cor1e near this barr
| again! You have become cross eyed ant
soft headed" ..-..--.-..
| 1 went in, but two hours later, when h
had butcher up to buy the calf, slippe.
out and heard the man say: 81
"That's the way of it, Bowser. Tha
isn't her calf any more than you ar
! 3ueen Victoria's brother. The cow ma,
be all right, however; she looks like
good milker..'
The calf was driven away, and
Bowser put in the afterase-. q. ., $3.50.
r,;lk stool and fixing buttons on the
horns After supper he went out
MIXED ana a. ~ :. pail even