The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-10-01
DRUMMERs' DoINGS.
The Colonel.

SOueLlu1eS uFuuUl6F6 plaf tnc InOSl amusing and original tricks. Not long ago drummer for a St. Louis hardware house started out. He was giant in strength. He had two strong grips made, and in them he put up iron samples weighing about lS5 pounds each. He would alight from train with his two innocent looking grips, and the hotel porter would make rush for him.
 Right this way for the Hardcast house. Carry your grips up to the hotel, boss?"
 "Yes," Smith would say. The drum mer was really named Smith. He would then hand the two grips to that porter, and let go.as soon as ht saw the unsuspecting victim had hold of them. There would be wild four ish of feet, loud crash, and the por- ter would go down like he had been shot.
 "What in thunder are you throw ing my grips around in that manner for?" Smith would yell, as if mad The porter would jump up, thinking he stumbled, apologize, and make a grab at the grips. Then he would pull away, and his eyes would loll out, and he would strain until his suspender straps would break, and then he wonld say:
 "B-b- boss. What are these things? 1 can't lift them."
 Smith would take hold of them lightly, gently lift them up, and say
 70, well, if you don't want to carry them, Pll go to the other hotel" Then calling the other porter he would give them to him. Of course, the other fellow would take hold of them with smile, and firm grip, only to go down on the platform in defeat with thump. Then he would rise, look at the grip, gaze at Smith awhile, then leave, muttering something about voodooism. Smith would then throw them into a wagon, and go on up to a hotel. At the door he would call a bell boy, and as he pushed his way through the crowd, he would hand them to the poor, overworked boy, and the crowd would be astonished to sec him go down with those grips, the fall making a noise that sounded like a freight train wreck, and shook the house. Smith would pick them up himself, and remark to the landlord that it was shame to overwork his help ill any such manner, and then he would walk towards the register, and the landlord would rush up to him and say:
 'Why, .hem boys are lazy. Here, give me your grips, sir" and he would take them. Of course, Smiths re- marks attracted all eyes, and as the landlord got good hold of the han dles, Smith would let go suddenly. The spectators would be astonished to see the landlords back suddenly hump itself like cat on the back fence, his eyes bulge out like marbles on mud wall, and then sec him fall full length between those grips, with crash that brought people out across the way. He would get up slowly, rub his back, walk arond his grips, and then go off and swear, as Smith would take them up and put them on the counter. Then the fun would begin The clerk grabbed one of them to set it of the counter, and it wouldn't move. He looked astonished, and then spit on his hands, and tried to lift it, as his ot ce turned red, and knots swclled upon his forehead. But that grip wouldn't move. Then all the crowd would try their hand, and finally all swore it was some trick. Smith would then lift it of gently, and ask them what ailed them. Ibis would make the crowd feel of his arms, and they found out they had muscles like cocoanuts tor size and rocks for hardness. Then it dawned on them that Smith had heavy grips for sell, and they were correct. That was the way Smith advertised his house. It was success, too. He would put grip on an empty seat in front of him in a car, and be tickled almost to death at the efforts of people to lift it off when the car was crowded. But no one ever succeeded. Ladies would take hold of it. and only let go when things began to snap around their clothing .with noise that at tracted the attention of the car A big passenger would think to make an impression on pretty girl, and rush over to remove that grip, and fall over the seat trying to move it, and would be mad as thunder when Smith would move it easily and gently, and remark:
 "Must have had a long spell of sickness, to make you so weak, sir" "is
 Conductors have gone almost crazy at the spectacle they have made of themselves in trying to move one of those grips for ladies, and at being unable to do so except with the help of the brakeman and porter, and to Sv,,sfh lsff hot .DF