Daily Republican., 1887-08-09
LIN = AAlLN CLUB WISDOM.

The thirteenth dastardly attempt to
destroy Paradise Hall was revealed at
5 O'Clock Saturday evening, when the
janitor arrived to place the hall In Or
der for the usual meeting.
Ever since the attempt of last Oc.o-
Der bear traps and spring guns have
been set at every door ard window
when the hall was closed, and the
would be incendiary was caught, but
he escaped, leaving bloody loot in
the trap behind him.
As soon as the meeting was called
to ,rder the janitor reported the case,
accompanied by a war map, and
Brother Gardner arose and said:
My trends, dis incident furnishes
me wild an opportunity to address you
on de subjick Of Goodness vs. Badness.
| If whsn u baby was three days ole, he
could reason an calkilate, he would
reason as follows: Hear ar, a sound. /.
healthy boy, wild big show of grow
lin up to manhood. De more kick
an yell an misbehaye de mo- spank
ins III receive. De better / mind an
de gooder l are as boy de easier I
Twill slip along. AS young man |
Ishal he upright an honest. As a
middle-aged man | shall act on de
Isquar'. AS an ole man l shall quit
chawin' plug tobacker. read up ON de
Io!e Bible an go to bed airly.
-"Wicke,lness doan' pay, figger it up
las you will. We hev had many in
ls,ances of it in dis club, an we ar
surrounded wild 'em at home. When
Whalebone Howker stole wheelbar.
Irer belongin' TO Pickles Smith he at
lust rejoiced an was glad. He felt dat
he was s. ahead of dc game, an he
tpoked hisself in de ribs fur smart
man. Howsumeber, he hadn't had
dat stolen vehickle in his possesshun
1.-TWO hours when his game rooster
ldled, de dog catcher picked up his
Idog, an man who owed him 81 went
Into bankruptcy. He could figger do
he was So out of pocket, an den Pick
les foun' out who stole his wheelbar
lrer an cum ober an licked Whaleb one
twidin an inch of his life besides.
Take de case of Bermuda Jones
Iwbo Ibis mex doaE to Condensed Gun
bingham. Bermuda sot down wild {
Ipiece Of chalk an figgered up dat
! lwickedness paid 200 per cent, an ht
went ober to de grocery, backed VI
lagin cracker bari, an while he in
GAGGED de grocer iu religus discus
shun wild one hand. he filled his hint
-sp)cKet wild crackers wild de odder. H
/ started out of dat grocery feelin' da
!, he was sebeD cents ahead an still gain
!; in. but wha: was de result A small
!. boy who was in dar to buy cent?
= worf of taffy. seed de bull perform
!: ance an told de grocer. Bermud
i was iollered home, knocked down il
:. his own kitchen, an made to give VI
!. de fo' cane seat cheers in his parlor Il
settle de case. Did he profit by hi
!, badness? Did he make any 200 pc
J Icent. on datp
"Agin, take de case OF Kurnel Lief
Z lfngwell Kabar. had six Leghorl
d hens in my coop an he coveted 'em
~ Instead of comm to me in a fran
y honest way an offerin' to buy dos
.: hens at dair value an gibin' me hi
Of note due in thirty days, he steals upo
=. my coop in de gloom OF midnight ar
I forcibly captivates my poultry. II
to chuckled TO hisself ooer his smart
ness an he figured up his 200 per cen
lprofit, but Nemesis war on his trai
He left one of de ole blue patches o
This pants on a nail in de coop, al
Iwhen l found my hens gone l Wake
Eober to his humble cabin an took hin
by de neck a,d dragged him out doors
lSome ofyou hev probably heard dat h
}. Iwent into decline shortly arter dai
an dat when de post mOrtcm was he'll
{ three of his ribs war found stickif
Iout of his back.
II hey figured on goodness an bat
ness, an / tell you Cat badness doar
lpay. Some OF you may hev lifted
ham at de co'ner grocery widout beir
Ieaught at it, but yit how did you fet
when you met policeman, or when
strange knock came at de doah? Gui
!, was sich burden on yer soul dat
ham tasted like sawdust, an you wok
up at midnight to see spooks standir
by yer beds. DE good man goe
: aroun wild his hat on his ear, atear
OF nobody an lookin' everybody squa
in de eye. If he happens to see d
I, patrol wagon gwine along he doar
:. turn pale. If anybody happens to la
- hand ON him he doan' sink into h
butes.
"How ar it wild dc bad man? He
= allus lookin' fur bar traps an sprin
guns. He's allus 'spectin' to be 'reste
an sent up. A strange knock at h
= cabin doah sends chill up his bacl
Go whar he will he feels guilty Al
safeard, an some fine day when he a.
out enjoyin' de balmy breeze Ion
r 2cums a detective an claps de hant
. cuffs on him, an away he goes to Sta
PRISON fur ten Vars. You can figg'
an figger, but goodness am boun'
, couse under dc wire a iull lengt
- Iahead."
The presidents address created col
siderable excitement. and Waydow
! kBebee was ready with the followin
lpreamble and resolutions:
"WHEREAs, Goodness ar moa' prof
liable dan badness. an also easier O.
fde Conscience. now, dar'tore
Il Resolved, Dat it ar de sense OF thi
| tmcetin' dat we stick to goodness
~ The resolution was adopted by
Unanimous vote, and the meeting az
a. iourned with much good feeling.
Il Just Received
a.-ay,a ~ M etav m aloua and "a,