Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1887-06-18
PITH AND POINT.

J RIP VAN WNELE got drunk by the
eask aids Of the Hudson.
Travel improves superior wine, eZ-
! cept it goes via the alimentary canal
] TIE most improbable thing a farmer
can raise is glass, if he raises it often.
/ In was a farmer caught by a prairie
fire who ran through his property rap
idly.
AN agricultural exchange asks "How
/ to make hogs pay" The best way to
avoid the difficulty is not to sell hog
anything unless he pays for it in ad-
| vance.
WEE Fanny bit her tongue one day,
and came IN crying bitterly. what is
| it?" asked her mother. 90, mamma,
she said, "my teeth stepped on my
tongue"
SoRRoWFUL child to the pastor-AIr.
B., mother sent me to tell you that
! father is dead. Pastor-Ts he? Did
you call a doctor? Child-NO, sir; he
Just died of himself.
"AIY dear" said a society belle in
evening decOHete, what style of gloves
do you think will best match my cos
tume?" "Undressed kids, returned
the crusty spOuse.-Teras SittiHgS.
"WoRTH makes the man." and that's
all right. But when Worth makes the
woman he IS apt to break the man, and
that isn't all right But the woman
thinks it IS, Just the same.-JOLtT3IdL of
Education.
WASHINGTON husband Ito wife, whG
Is to give a grand ball)-Are the ar
engagements completed? Wife with a
sigh of satisfaction)-Y even to the
- the H11NfEa Frov7, AIa GAaAe.v.
houss.-Iid-B Bits.
WHATEVER You do" says a philoso-
Pher, always take tight grip" There
may be wisdom In this. Nevertheless,
we incline to the opinion that it is not
the man who knows how to take tight
grip, but the man who knows how to let
go, that exhibits the most wisdom
Boston Courier.
EASILY accounted for. Bill collector
See here, I have written you a dozen
letters about that bill you owe my firm,
| and you haven't even recognized them.
Country editOr-Were they written on
both sides of the sheet? "Of course"
'All such communications go into the
Waste-basIet without reading"
AT the theater- She (on her hus-
| bands return from the open air.
Harry, did you notice this important
| statement on the program? Please
/ look at it. He 1.-TWO months elapse be-
/ tween Acts ii. and III)-Well, what of
/ that? Shea good deal, I should
| think. You've been off on a spree for
/ about six weeks.-NelC HdUell NelCs.
OMAHA child-Why, that's a new
! book, isn't it? Mamma-Yes, it is a
/ long poem called Paradise Lost. 4"
/ who Is that woman IN that picture 2"
/ "That is Eve, the mother of us all. 4"
/ what a nice dress she has on" "That
/ Is only a rose bush she Is standing be-
| hind, my dear" ooh, 1 Thought she
was going to a party. Omaha World.
! "CAE the Missouri River be damned ?"
| asks u Montana exchange. Can it ?
| Ask a Missouri River steamboat cap
/ tain whether it can be or not. Ask the
mate. Ask the whole crew. From the
way You talk it viii probably be news
to you, but it Is nevertheless a fact that
there are more artistic and extensive
damns strung along the Missouri River
than any other stream In the world
| Dakota Bell
THE editor of an Idaho paper pub
fishes the following editorial, which
speaks for itself: do you owe us any
thing? If you do you viii kindly get
] up anu hump yourselves Aust46 around
and send US, If not all you owe, at least
a part. There is a limit to even an ed
itOr's endurance. 1t costs money to
print a paper, ink costs money, the
wearing away Of the gray tissue OF the
brain is purchased. Some people may
be able to exist on snOwbalIs, and during
the siege Of Paris hundreds of people
lived on broth, the nourishing qualities
! of which were drawn from bOiled skate
straps. We can't do it; we have tried
It AS we sit in our frozen Office medi-
tatively breaking icicles of the ink bot
tie we think about these things: we
( have to."-Peck'S Sun.