The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1887-03-03
BILL NyE's AFFLIcTloN.
The Humorist Succumhs 10 the Attacks {
Seven Hot-Headed BoIls.


Seven Hot-Headed BoIls.
lam just having highly humorous
experience with boils. To others this
announcement will come with no ele-
ment of sadness, perhaps, but to me it
brings thrill of the keenest and most
poignant anguish. A man might go
all over whole county and not find
any thing more poignant than these
boils seem to me.
There are seven of these little bios
SONS, and they hang in ripe cluster
on the back of my neck, about two
inches below what the phrenologists
call love of home.
Ihad never brought out boil until
last week, though have led q very
checkered life, but on Thursday MORN
ing awoke to find myself the parent
of seven cunning little red-headed
boils about the size of pumpkin-seed.
They are small, but oh how restless
they are, and how they struggle with
each other for>supremacy!
People who live here Baskerville, N.
CO. say these boils are result of the
climate. The air here is especially cal
culated to bring out any thing in the
line of latent humor. A man who had
been running humorous weekly pa
per in the far West came here and in
two weeks he broke out so that his
friends had to do him up in poultice
seven feet long.
I am not doing much for these boils,
because want to teach them to be self
reliant and depend upon themselves.
One of them was a puny little thing at
first, and felt sorry for it when my
friends told me about it. can not see
these boils, of course, as they are not in
the direct line of vision, being on the
back of my neck. So I get friend
one I can trust-and I let him come
and tell me how they are doing from
time to time.
This little boil at first did not bid fair
to hold ont moro than a-day ef two,
but yesterday it began to throw aside
its lethargy and to realize that life is
real. 1t is fully abreast of the others
now and has large and very active
crater to it.
For three days put various things
on the boils; among others soap, sugar,
the white Of an egg, ground faxseed,
bread and milk, bread and molasses,
ETC., ETC., etc. There were other things
recommended, but as the boils were all
| in cluster I had to try one thing at a
time. With seven boils well distri-
buted might have tried several rem
edies at once, but did the best could.
In three days have rendered thirteen
dollars worth of groceries entirely use
less to the consumer.
One great difficulty has been the un-
satisfactory results of my efforts to gel
any sleep. Before was overtaken by
the poll-evil I used to rest on the bach
of my head and neck at night good
deal, but after few experiments with
my head pillowed on these seven little
hot-headed boils 1 found that it made
my head too high.
Boils visit the rich and poor alike
the humble and the exalted. They
are not mark of greatness, for boil.
frequently come to the obscure and the
unknown. They do not come with tht
seeking, and they are not to be OBJ
tanned by study and effort. Boils fal
to the lot of many whose lives woult
! otherwise be void of incident. II
such they are indeed great benison
or may be used as such. How man,
! people do we know who have naugh
else to show us in the way of pro
gress, but kind Providence has be
, slowed boil upon them now ant
then, which they can exhibit as an ev
, idence that they are not remaining alb
solutely stagnantP
The felon also is queer article, tn
usefulness of which has not been thor
oughly made clear to my mind. Their
are ninety-eight different things tina
are good for felon, each of which will
make it ache first rate, and that seem
to be the principal object both witt
felons and boils. Some cut the fnge
open in treating felon and scrape tn
bone with a corncob or wood rasp
About the only way to cure felon
to seriously injure the finger and thel
cure the injury.
! A lady friend of mine was once al
> tackled by felon, and in response t.
? the advice of friends used to cut
4 small, round hole in lemon every da
t and in this aperture she would inser
4 the felon. 1t did not do the felon mucl
good, but it was great source of com
8 fort to her young son, who crawled ou
I of his crib every night and finished tn
lemon.-BiU Nue., in Chicuqo MeUs.