Daily Republican., 1887-09-29
nIRrH AND a.RRIuENr.

weather." 10 piece Of philosophy that
10 knocked out every time By . bear So
loon sign.
Young housewife: "What m issrsble
little eggs sgsipi You really must tell
them, Jane, to let the hens sit on them
q little longer"
said the tired suburban, rs the fat wo-
about four inches OF the seat.
Customer: "Mr. Jacobs, / found an
eel In our milk. can this morning"
Milkman: Guns bashed): "Yes' Wife
thought you'd enjoy delioaoy."
"What did your uncle die OF, John
ny?" Consumption" "S,rangs. I
thought he had got suustruck playing
chess." "Ohess complaint, may be-"
Julia. you sat up with young Adal-
phus until nsarly twelve last night?"
"Yes, mamma" "Was thore any Ara
In the room?" "A mere spark man.
ma"
He. snxiously: "Miss Jones, do you
ever put your hair up In curl papert?"
She, Indignantly: "No. cir, neveri"
He, tenderly: "Mlss Jones, will you
marry me?"
She: "Whst lovely summer aftsr.
noonl How resplendent the bright orb
II day hangs In the blue vault abovei"
he: "Ysas; nics day fer feller to get
his hair cut"
"I.ittle Gosling looks gloomy enough
to commit suicide" mo wonder. His
ueck is 10 short that he can't wear the
new oollars, and he dArsn't show him
self till after DARK"
"a derby" said the halter to q cns.
toner, 'is q cross between felt and o
plua;" aud when the hat got out OF
shape In the very first rain, he felt Cross
enough to plug the halter.
Alarmed pedestrian (pickipg up o
painter OF the foot OF . LADDER: my
| ,or mau. are you hurt very much?"
Painter: SONY three ribs broken. But
| went down with oo.ors fying, cidn's
n"
A young WON IN. in leaving a oar,
dropped . ribbon from her bonnet
"You have left your bow behind" said
lady passenger to the girl. mo,
haven't; he's gone hshing," she inno-
Gently replied.
Young lady distributing flowers to
convicts): "And whea do you expect
to come out, sir?" Con vict (inhalinR
tho fragrance Of . violet): "It will bs
December Of next year, m!sI. before l
make my debut"
Bick husband: "Did the doctor say
that an to take all OF that medicine?''
Wife: "Yes, dear" Sick husband
"Why, there Is enough in that bottle to
kill . mule." Wife (anxiously) "You
had better be careful, john"
First domestic: "Au' are you goin 2
TO leave that MOS place ye have, Jane?
Second domestic: Yes, Mary, I've
given 'em warning" "f never heard
q word ag'iu them" "No. Mary; bu,
the mistress is 80 perllte that I'm get
tin lazy"
An Illinois school teacher had to pay
$500 damages for having kept boy sit
ting on chunk OF Ice for two hours 81
q punishment. Such o punishment II
VT calculated to make pupil remem
Der his cool days es long IS he lives.
Iu the Bois de Boulogne: A oasslier
and an Amazon galloping down tht
rosd. he: "You know, dearest, an nc
cident sometimes happens without
warning. Supposing l should be
killed, would you marry again?" She
"Oh. not immediately
A fashionable young woman wa
seen in the street the other day will
her hair combed. Much alarm wa
felt by her friends until 1t was asoer
tained that 1t was only case of absep
mindedness Tho young lady had for
gotten to frizzle IL.
Ethel: "Was there donkey on on
steps when you came In, Mr.. Feath
eriy?" Mr. Feetherly: "Wby. no
Ethe What would donkey be doing
thers?" Ethel: II don't know; bu
Clara said, jutt be fore you rang the bell
| There's that donkey coming IN her
again."
Mother: "why, how thin you look +
Married daughter: "Why, thought
was gaining In weight" "Nonsense
You are getting ss thin as rail-" IT
very queer. MY husband can't holt
me on his lap half as long as he used 10
because I've got 80 heavy"
"I suppose you blushed profuse.,
during the ceremony?" said tn
hand. ps inted beauty to the young brid
she WAS congrssnlatinS "Oh no,
was the calm reply; ~ never us
L TOuRbs 1uO Whn oAoAc
off 80 suddenly that the edges wer
sharp enough to cut stone with.
Czariua: "What's in that enormou
fbox, my dear vitch, that 10 being uu
. loaded from the droeky?" Czsr: 9Th
box contains q big cake OF soap Nv
just had made to order shall have
hole dug in 1t big enough to crawl intt
aud then sit there and snap my fnRer
at the oafflsd anarchists.
"How about this young man tha
oomes 40 often TO see you, Miller" SAT-
The old gentleman to his daughter
HWhy, he's very moe and eDtertainins
Ipnpa I'd like 10 have you meet him. Z.
livery likely. But what Is his position
: Does ha stand high in society?" "Ol
yes. iadeed, papa. He is six feet two.
Nell: "I'm writing tn Amy Jone'
Man. Have you any message to sen
q Iher?" Nan: "Nol Horrid little uI
istart! l thoroughly detest that Am
lJopes.' Nell: ibid You know the
were to have cottage at Long Branc
land yat ht this summer" Nan: "Al
lthey, indeed? The dear dsrlingl Civ
her my best love-"
Il Esthetlc critic Cat the club at Il
lthe.tr-): "Oan you imagine any thin
Imore utterly solemn than the denou
Inent in Romeo and JulietT Tw
Ilovers, both dying in the same vaul
What fate more weirdly tragic coul
-" Cynical old bachelor who hi
levidebtly never seeL the play): " N
no koowinR. The author might
married 'enl
aNora," eaid lady to her servsn
"I do not approve OF your constant .
Itertalnmept OF your beau In q