davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21
ELOPERS SURE ENOUGH.
Not so Much of a Joke as a Surprise.

"There had been an account of an
elopement in the morning papers" said
the commercial traveller, "and [ was
thinking of it when a couple drove up
to the country hotel and registered Mr..
and Mrs. So-and-So.' l winked at the
boys and said, Here's for joke The
old hOtel-keeper was q very dear friend
of mine and took my word for gospel
truth, so when 1 said, Look out for
EN-! l think [ know 'em, and they are
eloping and they are not married, etc.,
you ought to have seen the old fellow
He scowled and lifted his chin, and
wagged it up and down dozen times,
sort of as though he was thinking it
over, and then he walked off. All the
other boys in the house were put on to
the joke, and we agreed to watch the old
man and see what he did.
"Supper rang, and the party of tray
cling men took seats at one table and
left the new arrivals to the sole occu-
pancy of another. The hotel proprietor,
who helped serve at the table, took his
station as much us possible behind the
young couple, his eye all the time watch
ing their every movement.
"Will you have some sugar in your
tea 2 at length said the young man to
his companion, as he passed the saccha-
rine for her use.
No, thank you; 1 never use sugar in
my tea, was the sweet response.
"We were watching the old man as
stood near them and heard this answer.
He grew about foot in a second. He's
got clew,' said L to myself. And it
was a clew such as would make the eye
of a Pinkerton detective sparkle. The
idea of q husband not knowing whether
his wife used sugar in her tea or not I!
The old man didn't Inger long about
coming to a decision. He leaned over
and said:
"' Young man, you leave the table.
That woman is not your welded wife
"The couple never whimpered. They
called for their team and drove on. The
most surprized party in the affair was
ours. We hadn't dreamed that we were
so near the truth. The next day the
same pair were arrested in q neighboring
town and carried back to their homes.
Ii | should tell that landlord now that
the Methodist minister that boards with
him was Jesse James in disguise, he
would believe me,
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21
Not Enough to go Around.

Tie Shoe and Leather Reporter tells this
story: We have written of Edward
SOUthwick, William Sutton aud old
Squire Shove, of South Danvers, tanners
of olden days. There was a grab law in
pretty sharp practice. Oneevening a
Marblehead man visited tie place; he.
went in a store where the pnners We're
wort to -eangTegass. Spe anu
Sutton were there. The mSn told them
that Marblehead shoe manufacturer
who owed them was in failing circum-
stances. They both decided to go over
and attach the mans goods early next
morning. AS Squire Shove was the
largest creditor they agreed to say moth
ing to him about it. The storelleeper
overheard the conversation and slipped
over to the Squire's and told him of the
scheme. Squire Shove Immediately
went over to Salem, called on Rufus
Choate, got writ drawn up, arranged
with the Sheriff for an early call, and
went home. That night he took his
buggy and carried it over to piece of.
land he owned about a mile out of town.
Early the next morning he took his man,
loaded plow III his cart, put on q pair
OF old overalls, and started for the farm,
taking that precaution, so that South
wick and Sutton would not mistrust any,
thing. On reaching the farm he trans
fe1red his horse to the buggy and hast.
ened to Salem, where he took in the.
Sheriff, drove to Marblehead, attached.
the property, and started back. On the
way he met Southwick and Sutton going
over with their Sheriff. He stopped
them and said: Gentlemen, I knew.
there was not enough for us all, so I
took the whole!" It is doubtful which:
caused the men he addressed the most.
distress, the loss of the property or
the modification of having been over
reached.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21
Repairing GirdIed Trees.

Young fruit trees, especially apple
trees, girdled by mice and rabbits are
seldom so badly injured as they appear
to be. Unless the inner bark is com
pletely gone, they with proper treat
ment viii recover. Make a mixture of
stiff clay and COW manure, beating we'll,
to form stiff plaster, adding water, if
needed. A thick, ample coating of this
is placed over the wound, completely
covering it, and is wrapped around with
old bagging or other coarse fabric. The
chief object of this is to keep the whole
moist while nature heals the wound. In
a dry time it is we'll to wet the bandages,
etc. AS the supply of sap is largely di-
minished by the wound, the head of the
tree should be reduced by cutting back
the branches. If the wound is very Sc
we're, it is sometimes bridged over by the
use of large cions, one end inserted
under the bark below and the other end
above the wound. Unless q tree is large
and especially y valuable, it will rarely pay
to be at this trouble. Better replace
the injured tree by another of the same
size and age----Ameriean Agrieulturist
for april.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21
What Becomes of Deer's HOrns7

Mr.. A. S. Fuller, the well-known au-
thor, writes in the american Agriculturist
for April 'What becomes of deerhorns2 2
is often asked of persons residing in
regions where deer are plentifel, but it
is rarely satisfactorily answered. That
the horns are shed annually, there are
no good reasons for doubling, for it is
we'll established fact; but that the horns
are rarely found is also quite as true, as
stated by Mr.. Yoder in the american
Agrtculturtst for February. L well re-
member looking for shed deer horns,
many years ago, in the woods of Wiscon-
sin, and during one of these rambles,
extending over only few hours, l saw
very lively deer, some with
very handsome antlers, but failed to find
a vestige of an old horn. Upon inqrir-
ing of old hunters who were supposed
to know all about the habits of deer, 1
was informed that when a buck dropped
q horn he Immediately dug hole in the
ground and buried it out Of sight. Upon
further investigation, however, l was
unable to find person who ever saw a
deer performing the operation, or one
who ever found horn that had been
buried by its owner or any other similar
animal But in late years have had
several opportunities to learn where
some of the naturally shed deer horns go
to, if mott all of them. The deer shed
their horns in spring, and they no soon
er fall to the ground than the wood mice
attack them, and they disappear before
the teeth of these little rodents so quick
Iy that few weeks are sufficient to
obliterate every vestige of the noblest
pair of antlers. Even the squirrels like
to gpaw the deer horns and fresh bones
of various kinds, and it is this natural or
depraved taste that makes our common
red squirrels rob birds nests when the
young are nearly full grown; for 80 far
as 1 have observed, they devour the
feet and legs of the birds only. I have
frequently made them drop the young
birds they were slowly torturing, and
have always found that they were eating
the feet and legs, perhaps because these
parts had nutty flavor"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21
Too Dignified by Half.

Writing lines is the penance Harrow
schoolboys do for all their sins, in and
out of school. If boy is late for school,
he writes lines; if he misses "bill, " he
writes lines. If the lines are not finish
ed at stated time, their number is dou-
bled. There was one clever boy who
escaped writing half the ordered guam
tity; and the masters tell the story of
how he did it to this day. He was an
untidy boy and was often taken to task
for his carelessness and disorder. One
day, says st. Nicholas, his master, who
had very dignifed and impressive man
ners, and who always said eve" instead
of ''you" when talking to the boys, found
occasion to reprove him.
"We do not look very clean," he said,
with some severity. eve have not
washed our hands this morning. Have
we2"
81 don't know about yeurs," was the
impudent boys answer, F'but I've wash
ed mine"
"Ahl" said the master, eve are very
impertinent to-day. We will have to
write a hundred lines before the next
bill" ....
When "bill'' time came. the master
sent for the boy.
"Have we written our ines2" he ask
ed
'I've written my fifty" the boy an
swered very promptly, handing in his
paper; "but don't know whether you We
done your half"
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21
Lost Her Silver.

One of the best stories of the season is
told of a hostess at recent fashionable
luncheon in Washington. She ordered
to be placed among the table decorations
a set of salts of exceedingly handsome
and novel design, which, coming from II
very dear friend, We're among the most
highly priced of her wedding gifts. One
of the servants placed the name cards
against them. One of the guests, after
admiring the salt, and supposing from
the card resting againstit that it was in
tended as a favor, took it up and put it
in her pocket, and most of the other
guests, one by one, followed her exam
pie, while the dismayed hostess, utterly
unable to understand the meaning of
such proceedings, looked on in speech
less surprise. When her guests depart
ed she counted her treasures and found
that she had but two left. The next
day came the explanation. A polite
note was received from lady who had
been present, saying she had neglected
to take her favor, mentioning it, and
asking the hostess to kindly send it. Il
was sent.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21
A Poor Child.

A student in one of the New York
medical colleges tells story that proves
the mutual ignorance of the fashionable
and the questionable halves of the
world. The student class was deep in q
clinic conducted by one of the most
noted physicians in New York, man
who has much wealth as well as much
learning. The subject was little girl
who came from one of the poorest,
wretchedest, and filthiest quarters. The
doctor questioned her concerning her
malady, and what she had been doing
to cause it.
perhaps you have been eating straw
berries, he said.
March winds were blowing through
the trees, and strawberries wcTc 81 q
box. The wretched little specimen Of
humanity, who would probably think
herself favored 10y the gods if she could
find half dozen decayed berries on
the sidewalk during the whole season,
shook her head in dazed sort Of way, rs
though she didn't know just what ho
meant. He went blandly on:
"No2 All, then you have I~uhably
eaten some fish -
Her face frightened now, and she
drew herself up:
eyes, we had fish once last summer y
But even then the doctor did not see
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21
She Laughed at Ma.

Miss Birdie McHennipin is one of the
bellies of Austin. Her intellect, how
ever, does not tower into the sublime
heights reached by Susan B. Anthony,
but, to use the cold language of truth,
fulness, she is very much the same
kind of young lady as Gus de Smith
is a young man. Not long since he pro
posed matrimony. He proposed in
good faith, in a solemn, impressive man.
ner, upon which Miss Birdie inaugural
ed giggle, until Gus was very mnch
disgusted, and arising from his knees
his anger found vent in words. He was
mad, too mad almost to speak. miss
Hennipin, " he finally CALCULATED, with
me this is no laughing matter. Why
should you see anything ridiculous
about it 2" F'You must excuse me, Mr..
de Smith-really you must, for ] am
not laughing at you; really now, [ am
not. Mas so funny, You know. Really
she is just too funny for any Use. Yes,
I was laughing at ma" cat your ma p
Eyes; you see ma told me only this
morning, Birdie, you are so green that
a donkey Will take you yet, and here
you come" But he was gone. He
was in the past tense. It was he who
banged the door so violently. 81 Won
der" said the suddenly deserted Birdie,
81 wonder now, really, if he is offended
at what ma said? But then ma always
was too awfully funny for any kind of
use. "-I'eras SJtjngs.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21
Wanted His Money.

David Pingree, of Salem, was a large
importer of hides. In his latter years
he was interested with P. r. Southwick.
In his business transactions he was very
exact. James p. Thorndike in his
younger days bought lot of hides OF
Mr.. Pingree, amounting to several hun
dred dollars. He weighed them off at
his store on the wharf and paid for them.
In looking over the accounts the same
day Mr.. Pingree's bookkeeperf found that
in fixing the ScaIage there was an error
of 4 cents in Mr.. Pingree's favor. He
showed it to Mr.. Pingree, and was sent
to Mr.. Thorndike to collect it. It was q
full mile to the wharf, but the bookkeep-
er walked over and got the money.-Stct
and Leather Reporter.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21
Advertising Rates.
THE FANDERER.

Joiner, joining the oaken seam,
All so lonely and dusty gray,
Shaking thy head in waking dream,
Where be thy fellows Of yesterday?
Past and gone from the trcdden sill;
Each on his errand; and all for naught
For men are coming and going still;
And still must tae joiner's task be wrought
Why, well thou sayest, thou mournful wight
But dost thou remember the students four,
Who sang of old, In the waning light
OF the golden evenings, before thy door
And do remember? q? And vast thou one
Of that boas. full band For my eyes Sre
dim.
Nay for with tempest and foreign sun,
Scared thou seemest and swart and grim
And fair we're they; and they vowed their
And the maideas listened, in hut and hall;
And still thG-y1alked as they held carouse,
OF what should happen and what befell.
And one must rail at the nliser's greed,
And he of them, only, hath learned to
hoard
And one should win with the poets screed
What he hath won with the victor's sword
And one should journey beyond the foam,
And never his eyes behold the sea
And one of them only abide at home;
And half fancy that thou art he
Oh, ,vex thee not with the pleasures planned
But tell me what of thy daughter fair
And wears she ring on the lily hand,
So smooth and slender beyond compare
For hers be jewels of East and West,
And here be spoils of the Southern shell,
Won with danger, at loves behest,
And who is the giyer, her heart shallten.
Now what to thee is her lily hand?
And what, to thee, was her love so dear
And how shall she care for thy jewels grand,
Now that her coffin fashion here?
Why, truly, truly, if these things be,
There is never solace for those that roam
In all that their slumbering eyes may see,
More false than the dreams of the coming
home boston Transcript.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21
WELL-PRESERYED MEAT.
A Place Where They Do Not Need
Refrigerators.

The River Viloui, in Northern Siber-
ia, is frozen a greater part of the year.
In the cold season the natives follow its
course to the south; and as spring
comes ON they return. 1t was during
one of these migrations that an entire
rhinocerOs was discovered. The river,
swollen by the melting snow and ice,
had overfowed its bank and undermined
the frozen ground, until finally, with q
crash, huge mass of mingled earth
and ice broke away and came thunder
ing down. Some of the more daring
natives ventured near and were reward
ed by sight wonderful in the extreme.
A broad section of icy earth had been
exposed, and hanging from o layer of
ice and gravel was creature SO weird
that at first they would not approach it.
It hung partly free, and had evidently
been uncovered by the landslide. From
the head extended long horn, as tall
as some of the children, while behind
it was another smaller one. But the
strangest feature of this curious mon
ster was that it was covered with hair.
At first, the astonished discoverers
thought the creature was alive, and that
it had pushed aside the earth and was
coming out. But the great rhinoceros
was dead, and had probably been en-
tombed thousands Of years. The body
was frozen as hard as stone, and the
hair-covered hide seemed like frozen
leather, and did not hang in folds as
does the skin of living species. Several
months passed before the animal was
entirely uncovered, and so perfect had
nature preserved it, that it was then cut
up and the flesh given to the dogs.
The news Of the discovery passed from
native to native and from town to town,
until it reached the ears of govern
ment officer. He at once sent orders
for the preservation of the carcass, but
the flesh had already been destroyed; /;
and now only its head and feet are pre-
served in one of the great museums of
Russia. Melodies for Apri!.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21

it Immediately. The word American
had charm for them, especially as il
was followed by handful of piasters
thrown at them when the gate was
opened. I presume they imagined we
did it in our drunken fun, but it was
really to draw their attention from our
companion. After we had passed
through I locked the gate and threw
away the key. The guards were too
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21

when they paid their visit to me on
board the Dreadnaught. They had
sailed together around the world, but
this was their first voyage to New York.
Colonel Graham, now clerk of the Court
of Common Pleas, was custom house
officer in charge of my ship at that
time, and he lives to bear witness that
he hears this remarkable tale told in my
cabin by the Swedish captain at that
time. My friend, the captain, has since
sold the vessel, and retired from sea life
to business on shore in one of our east
ern towns.-Ff0m the F0recaStle to the
Cabin, By Captain s. tSamuels (Ha1per's).
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21
He Knew Him.

A Poor Common Lie was strolling
through Park Row when he observed a
stranger of distinguished appearance
who seemed to be on terms of great in
timacy with the newspaper men.
"Who is that gentleman 7" he asked a
bystander.
"That is General Rumor," replied
the other; che is constantly flying
around here"
"It seems strange" said the Poor
Common Lie, ''but, notwithstanding his
gorgeous apparel and lofty bearing, !
think I can detect a family resemblance
between US, It'd Bits.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21
RESCUED FROM A HAREM.
THRuLNG EPISODE IN SAILORS LIFE.


The street which was our regular
route to the ship had gate and a guard
house at either end. Blank walls about
twenty feet high extended some 500 feet
along both sides of the street. Behind
these walls were the palaces of two of
the grand pachas. We could only see
the windows of the upper stories; the
magnifcence within was left to our
imagination. As we were walking past,
one afternoon, one of the windows was
suddenly thrown open, and there ap-
peared at it the most beautiful woman
I had ever seen. We were fairly electTi-
fled by her beauty. She had defied
well-known edict in showing us her face,
as We knew. Instantly as she appeared
We saw her throw something over the
wall, and then she closed the window.
1t was note which she had thrown.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21

els that you, Mr.. Brown ?" called out
Mrs. Bown, from the window above, as
Brown fumbled with his latchkey at the
| door,
''Yesh-hic-my dear. I've been
hic-to q meeting-hic-Labor-hic-
| Club, and"
"Wel, I've declared a lockout, u
snapped Mrs. Brown, as she slammed
down the window.
NO WONDER.
On the tombstone of a little negro
| girl who is buried near Wetumka, Ala,
is the following: ''Heni Ritti Demi
Ritter Emmi Ritter Sweetpotato Cream
Tartar Caroline Bostwick, infant daugh-
ter of Bob and Sukey Catlin.'' It is not
strange that the girl died young.
nah N6tcs.
WORSE THAN WORTHLESS.
Judge Ito prisonerl-It's disgraceful,
RastIs, that ther- arc sttcn -1lGIf as you
to prey upon the community. Did it
ever occur to you that you are worse
than worthlesss
Prisoner (nlildly)-Ef twuzzent fo'
sech men as me, yo' Honah, yo' wouldn't t
be DRAWN big sal'ry ebbery yeah.
GALLANT YOUNG MAN.
She gazing upward How bright the
stars are tonight, Mr.. Sampson!
He promptly)-They are not brighter,
Miss Clara, than-than-
She (softly)-Than what, Mr.. Samp-
son?
He-Than they were last night.
THE DESERVED FATE.
Medium-Whom DO you wish to see,
Madam?
Madam-My husband. He was alters
askin' people in this world: ''Is it hot
enough for you9" an now want to put
the same question to him.-N. 7. Sun.
PRAIsEwoRTHY PRECAUTIoN.
Chairman (of the Board)-The mas
ter mechanic reports the Deep River
bridge unsafe.
Directors (without q dissenting voice.
Give it new coat of paint.
ODDS AND ENDS.
WHEN a man gets bit he is quite likely
to get bitter.
THE closing of the mortgage may be
called the end of Lent.
WHAT is heroF says an exchange.
A hero is a man who can pass n crowd of
boys engaged in making snowballs with
out turning his head to make sure that
they have no design on him.
A CITIZEN Of Hall County, Ga, says
that he voted for certain candidate in
the late county election in order that in
the event he was elected he would be
enabled to quit stealing the said citizens
wood and rails.
''I DON'T believe in all this talk about
so much liquor being sold in prohibition
States,' exclaimed Doolittle, excitedly.
'Why not3 Well, I asked an Iowa
man how liquor sold in his State, and
he said it was drug in the market"
"Wo11EN are poor despicabIe creatures,
anyway" said Mr.. Flyaway savagely.
''Yes, assented Mrs. Flyaway sweetly,
''they are. / always did like men bet
ter" And then Mr.. Flyaway finished
his breakfast with great deal of silent
thought.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21

SORE FINGERS. Treasury clerks who
count the trade dollars have to wear
buckskin gloves or get sore fingers
ANY sore spot on the finger IS soon Pol-
soned by contact with the metal Feo,
ple who sigh to count dollars should
bear this in mind.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21

ONCE in a while it is we'll toremembet
that a crown will not cure headache
any more than golden slipper will the
rOut
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21

"I WOULDN'T be a fool if I were yor. /"
"No, you wouldn't" responded the
other, "but l would be if ] were You.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21

CAN n blind man be held liable Tor
bill which he has accepted payable at
sight2
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21
THE J0KER'S BUDGET.
THE FUNNY THINGS WE FIND.
The Consequences-A Scare - The
RecOnciliation-So New
"A Call-The Mandate - odds
and Ends, Etc, Etc.
A SCARE.

- SOAEaEs
An incident is told, half amusing and
half pathetic, which grew out of the horror
at the Bussey bridge. A man applied
at the railroad company's Office and ask
ed for some one who was Irresponsible. %
Having found the person, he asked if
the railroad was going to be made liable
for injuries to the passengers. He was
answered that the railroad would hold
itself responsible for any losses if the in
vestigation showed that the railroad was
in fault. ''Where were you hurtl" add
ed the official, sympathetically. ST
wasn't hurt at all, only I got an awful
scare, was the answer. Chow much
We're you scared? What sum would you
feel would compensate you9" "Well,
say about $25," answered the complain
ant. Doubtless his claim was immedi-
ately entered and the man congratulate
ed on his extraordinary business sagaci-
ty. 1t is a good thing to know the
financial value of an awful scare. Boston
Dlof
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21
NO WONDER,

On the tombstone of little negro
girl who is buried near Wetumka, Ala,
is the following: ''Heni Ritti Demi
Ritter Emmi Ritter Sweetpotato Cream
Tartar Caroline Bostwick, infant daugh-
ter of Bob and Sukey Catlin." It is not
strange that the girl died young. g.-Sauon-
nah Netcs.
News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21

And the maideHs listened, in hut and hall;
And still thG-yTalked as they held carouse,
OF what should happen and what befall.