The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1887-09-10

who had appeared in Oxford during my
last term there and had been the objects Of
my passionate and heart stricken devotion.
Never had forgotten them. Cajulery
and intrigue had once brought me into the
same room with them, but before l could
find an opportunity for an introduction
they were gone, and | saw them no more
Now was my time. Straight tripped
down the steps of the chancel and present
ed myself before them like knight errant,
as l Thought, coming to deliver distressed
maiden 'You would like to know what
the subject of the window is?" l asked
blandly. at is very old glass and very
quaint; allow me to explain it, y and l sailed
fuently on. "Dear me r' cried the elder
lady presently, when came to a pause,
show interesting What very happy
idea to have the church shown in this way,
and what very nice choristers there are
here; SO intelligent and well behaved u 1
thought this rather irrelevant and was puz-
zled, but all praise of the church just then
was honey to me, and said complacently,
ayes, the choir is very good; we take great
pains, and great attention is paid to dis
ciplipe." Why the young ladies should
have Uttered, or the old lady have looked
so all-abroad, could not guess but as
people were beginning to come into church
in considerable numbers l drew toward the
chaneel steps, discoursing as 1 went, and
then, as we reached the chancel gate, l
paused, intending, before we parted, to
make some allusion to having met them in
Oxford The elderly lady, however, mis-
took me. She stopped at the foot of the
steps, where her head was still slightly
above mine, and bringing her hand out of
her pocket, where she had been fumbling,
slipped half crown into my palm and
said, HThere, my little man, that will do /;
you've got it all very nicely; now | must
just give you one kiss, my dear" and with
that |, yes l, was kissed publicly on my
own chancel steps, under my own rood
screen, before the eyes of my own pastor
and flock. "Oh, yes dear little fellow, -
cried the young ladies, "he is so pert and
cunning, and they too kissed me with great
goodwill. stood with flaming cheeks and
mouth agape, the half crown still in my
hand, watching them as they complacently
retreated down the aisle. Then, when they
had disappeared, reused by the litter Of
ladies and the guiiaws of my fellow clergy
at the yestry door, l fled hastily and buried
by bushes among the registers and surplices
of the vestry.
1t was useless TO remain in that parish.
The conduct of the congregation next
Sunday, when | stepped forth to read the
lesson, proved that to demonstration. Of
course such story had spread like wildfre.
The church waQ crammed, and when in
reading about David, who was "ruddy and
withal of beautiful countenance," came
to the words, eLook not on his counten-
ance or on the height of his stature" there
arose such stifed laughter as sounded
like the wind among dry leaves. stopped
short, consumed with shame and mortifca-
ton, unable to see the book for tears, and
then, with an astuteness l did not know |
possessed, judiciopsly tainted away and was
borne out like child in the arms of the
basso blacksmith.
IIS vas skillful stroke and might have
49, >st aoSld not brae''-i-
main NOR aEoR .J9lg9l: Rg&s ABBRT By tSS;o ....us
the archdeacon and the consent of the
bishop, who tried hard not to laugh while
he gave it, l was transferred to another
county, But though no like blow fell on
me there, saw the attempt was useless
Did go to school to catechise or exhort
the boys, my presence was signal for dis
order. As matter of course my author
ity was disregarded. Girls chatted under
my nose, boys extracted from dirty breeches
pockets pegtops and toffee before my very
ewes, and even looked to me for encour-
agement, and if the master was forced to
come to the rescue and cane lad, the in,
genqoqs youth would appeal 10 me, with an
air that said as plain as words, "Come, you
know what alley-tors are? Why don't you
put stop to this grown up tyranny?
Have you no fellow feeling?" At baptisms
mothers refused to let me officiate upon
the bawling infant, vowing "they weren't
agoin' to let that there careless boy play
no tricks with the blessed baby" Ny
ministrations provoked hilarity at funerals,
and once an irate virago, with whom was
expostulating on the wickedness of her
ways, soused me neck and crop, clerical
hat and all, into her soapsuds and washtub.
With much pain l dropped my holy call
ing. Marriage and literary life absorbed
some years. | strove-heaven knows how
earnestly-to correct the vice of my ap-
pearance, bat the moFe | advanced in life
the more absurd matters grew. Occasional
glimpses of hope only proved delusive and
plunged me back again into a darker des-
pair IF have tried one patent infallible
whisker producer have tried twenty. l
have been mine of wealth to BARRIERS.
Fluids that would make an elm plank
shaggy simply make my cheeks look
chapped. Many time have 1 gone to
rest daubed with pomade, only to find in
the morning that it had fed from my
chin in the night to seek more hopeful
ground on the pillow Once a slight
downy effiorescence made its appearance
under my jaw, and for days I was almost
delirious with joy, and walked the streets
with my chin in the air to show my manly
beard. AlasI ike Jonah's gourd, it with
cred in one night, as it grew Suddenly
it dropped off and left my face hairless as
the sole of my foot. At 40 1 still looked
like IA.
But though looked as if time had stood
still with me, in fact it has made as good
haste as with other folks. 3Iy wife is half
as tall again as I, and twice as heavy.
When I give her my arm she puts her
fingers into my armpit, and people are
ceasing to take her for my mother and
think l am her grandchild. am hlest
with a hopeful young family, boy and a
bonY, awkward girl, who looks already
over the crown of my head and has to
stoop down to kiss me. The boy I do
think an extraordinary creature. He is
not more than 16, but he looks as much
older than his age as |, so to speak, look
younger than mine. He is tall and burly,
and has a mighty mature and lumpish
look. The beard which fate has denied
me adorns him, and with double portion,
and, now that his voice has broken and
settled itself into kind Of hoarse bray,