Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1887-01-14
MRS. BOwSER'S HUSBAND.

MRS. BowSRR'S HUSBAND.
The Trouble he Experienced in Getting Ready
for Chureh-Whv His Wife Staid at Home
Detroit Free Press
shall we go to church tomorrow" l
inquired of Mr.. Bowser the other Sasur-
day night as We were closing up the house
and getting ready for bed.
shall wes" he echoed as he stopped
pulling of one of his boots to look
up.
Mrs. Bowser, you seem to be drifting
into hesthenism! Of course Wen so to
church. 1t is our duty to set the world
an example"
"But it is such a job for you to get ready
you knowsr
Il don't know anything of the kind.
If can't get ready three times to your
once, and with one-tenth the fuss. I'll go
off and kick myself to death. While I
am not q so-cslled Christian, Mrs. Bowser,
propose to respect the Lords day by
| going to church, and propose you'll do
/ the same"
''Oh, 1 intended TO GO"
'oh, you did! Aud perhaps you were
expecting me to stay at home and saw
wood or play poker!"
| We have breakfast at 5 O'Clock Sunday
mornings.
| At $50 was up, and I called to Mr..
Bowser, who lay on the broad of his back
| with his hands locked under the back of
| his neck.
| "Yes!" he groaned.
| About five minutes later called him
| again.
| sYesr
| 'Mr. Bowser, it's a quarter to s."
| Cant you let Teller sleep?"
But you are going to church,
| At sharp l got him out of bed, but it
was halfpast before We sat down to break
fast, and O'Clock before we got up.
Then he went off to dress, but it wasn't 5
minutes before he shouted:
| Mrs. Bowser, where's my shirt"
why, in your bureau drawer, of
course
There isn't single Internal shirt
there! I'll bet a hundred dollars the
laundry hasn't come upr'
l went upstairs and pulled out the
drawer, and there lay six clean shirt in
"Why didn't you say in the top draw
err" he growled, and l went down stairs.
to hear HIM three minutes later calm g
to me:
Mrs. Bowser, have 1 got pair of pant
aloons in this house?"
YES, sir. Your Sunday pantaloons are
in the closet"
No, they amt! I've looked the house
from top to bottom and they amt to be
foundr'
l went up and showed them to him,
hanging right before his eyes. At the
same time got him a collar, laid out his
cuffs and necktie, AID put his coat and
vest on chair. l got about ten min
utes' rest before he beloved over the
banister:
Mrs. Bowser, if / was a wife and
mother and housekeeper | would pay
some attention TO my husbands ward
robe!"
Whats wanted now"
This collar won't fit! You've gone
and let that swindling laundryist steal all
my collars and send mo up old rags in the
place of them!"
l went up and showed him his own
mark on every Collar, and fitted one to
his neck in half minute.
l had got down and finished combing
my hair when he suddedly uttered a war
whoop and shouted:
Mrs. Bowser, I've busted the buckle of
my vest!'
well, you must pin the straps togeth-
err"
I'll be hanged if l do! If you had
looked my clothes over yesterday, as a
faithful wife should, this would not have
happened"
ran up and sewed the buckle on, and
had just got down again, when he called
out:
Did you tell the cook to black my
boots?"
"Why, no."
'Of course you didn't! That's just the
kind of a hair pin you are! How on
earth this house has run as long as it has
is mystery"
L carried his boots out to the cook and
promised her new collar TO shine them
up. By that time Mr.. Bo xser came down
stairs.
"Mrs. Bowser look at those cuffs!" he
exclaimed in a terrible voice as he held
them out to me-
"What's the matter?"
Matter! Why, I've broken both my
thumbs trying to get the buttons into
'em! If you were like other wives you'd
/ slipped the buttons in before he
could finish the sentence, and then ran
to dress me. In about three minutes l
heard terrible grunting and roaring
in the sitting room, and Mr.. Bowser call
ed:
by the living gum! but why was |
ever fool enough to marry?"
"What is it now?"
"Here's hay on my plug hat-on my
Sunday hat-a whole load of hay"
"You were up in the barn loft the other
day when you had it on, remember. 1t
will brush Off"
ooh! it will! Well see if he does III
wear it just as it is, and let everybody
see what kind of a wife I've gotI'
! I l made three minutes further progress
toward dres sing when he shouted up
again:
"Mrs. Bowssr, there goes the first
church bell! Are you going to get
| ready!"
No
"You ant! Then you'll stay home,
L don't propose to go to church after the
| sermon has begun and make a show of
myself! What on earth have you been
doing all the morning."
waiting on you"
ooh me! Mrs. Bowser, don't add false
hood to your other vices am going
alone?"
He sailed off with benign look on his
countenance, tenderly raised his hat to
three or four ladies before he was out of
sight, and 1 saw by t he paper next day
that he had subscribed $72 to help pay
of the church debt.
Children at Table
DoL