The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1887-03-05
Fire Cranks.

There are a number Of stereotyped char
acters who attend all fires. When You get
up in the night, put your socks on wrong
side out, rush down town with one suspen-
der trailing on the ground, and arrive at
the fire in halEdressed and breathless
condition, you find these characters already
on the ground, and as Artemus Ward said
about the stars in heaven, "up to their
usual doln's." m
man Who octs. - nee, the hoarse-yoicSl
was nnder - IS If the whole conhagration
stanJsI MS personal supervision, and who
ION an ash barrel in the alley, wildly
! gesticulating, and bowling suggestions to
the chief of the Fire Department. He
usually gets knocked down by ladder, or
has the hose turned on him by accident;
then, when he gets all the muddy water out
of his mouth and ears, he goes off to the
other side of the street, looks on at safe
distance, and has great deal to say about
the inefiiciency of volunteer fire depart
ments.
An equally dangerous and absurd char
acter is the man with the axe: He IS az
ways early At /" accompadi@ by new
axe. No one knows where he got theaxe,
and no one ever sees him carry it back to
where he got it, but while he is on the
ground he makes things lively. He is a
perfect "besom of destruction" He bat
tiers in doors, hacks the fence in vain effort
to cut it away to make room for the engine,
and in his wild desire to save property, he
demolishes everything that an axe will
make an impression on. This fiend, who
is too weak to do any manual labor, and
who lets his wife chop all the frewood at
home, will create havoc and desolation for
two blocks around the fire. And he has
even been known when everything, includ-
ing the Gghtning-rod and the pumps, were
cut down, to turn in and hew to pieces the
shade trees in the next lot to keep the fire
from spreading.
Then there is the man who has an inor-
dinate craving for a ladder His Utmost
soul is stirred with yearning for step
ladder. In tones swelling with pathos,
profanity and excitement he shouts: "Have
any of you got 2 ladder? My heavens
will none of you give me ladder 2 as if
twenty-foot ladders were something, like
six-shooter or a charm to prevent rheuma-
tism, every one carried in his pocket.
When he can't get ladder he tries to
climb up the waterspout that he may, at
the risk of his life, break open some of the
second story windows, let the air i'll, and
give the fire chance.
In contrast with this last vigorous char
acter, is the helpless man, who goes about
wringing his hands or carrying an empty
bucket, getting in everybody's way, and
wondering if the building was insured. He
gets tripped up by the hose and knocked
about generally. He wants to stop the
foreman of the fire department and ask
him how the FIRE originated, and If he
thinks there is any chance of its spreading,
but the foreman has only time to address
some bad words to him. Very prominent
in the crowd at every fire is the man who
was the first to see it-there are usually
about forty of them. He tells how-and
he is very particular regarding details-he
was standing talking to friend on the
sidewalk about two blocks away, when he
noticed small quantity of smoke oozing,
etc., etc. But every one knows him well,
having suffered from his egotistical nara
tives; and we will, therefore, dismiss him
along with the man who has the defective
fue theory regarding the origin of the fire,
and the other man with the incendiary
theory