Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1887-06-02
WIT AND HUAIoR.

a pnantom hop seems lhln thlng iot
society entertainment
Society is improving in the far west.
In many sections il has become unfash-
ionable to dance in rubber boots.
An Indiana female child has been
born without mouth. That child if
she lives will never die an old maid.
Mamma" asked little Carrie one
day. ''can you tel me what part of
heaven people live in who are good but
not agreeableP"
A Brooklyn judge has decided that a
man is not justified in kissing n lady
against her wiShes-in other words, if
there is anybody looking.
''The scold waves are very trying"
said man to his wife this morning
when she raided him for not building
the fire. Washington Critic.
A Chicago clergyman asks: Gan
man be a Christian and ut the same
time a successful Businessman He
can if he advertlses largely.-Paek.
1t is now quite currently reported that
the deep, mysterious secret in the Will
son-Moen case is that Wilson has dis
covered whetheE it was the LADY or
the Tiger"
'.Hullo, MikeI l hear yer on strike. "
$50 am. struck for fewer hours"
"Did you succeedP" ''Indeed / did.
I'm not working at all now."-Phitd-
delphiG Call.
Patrick. you told me you needed the
alcohol to clean the mirrors with, and
here find you drinking it" "Faix,
mum, it's drinkin' it and brathing on
the glass Dim doin'."-LJe.
An Ohio girl says that she has had
ninety-nine offers of marriage within
two years. She is probably after the
other one that strayed from the fold, as
Mr.. Sankey used to sing for us.-Bos-
ION Post.
Mrs. Bigsby My husband just de-
tests cabbage. Why do you suppose he
is so prejudiced against it. Mrs. Blob
son-I imagine he takes too much of it
in his cigars. my dear.-BurIington
Free Press.
It was reported u few days ago that a
wild girl had been captured in Idaho,
but later Investigations show that she
is perfectly sane. The fact that she
didn't wear hustle led folks to believe
she was wild.
Fogg has conceived the idea that the
original Tower of Babel was bonnet.
This shows, therefore, if he is not astray,
that the fair sex had begun to make
themselves obnoxious at a very early
era.-Boston Transcript. :
"Liberty's boss" remarked slangy
New York girl who's was praising the
statue to a Washington girl. "Yes,"
replied the Washington girl, who had
been to the races occasionally herself.
20. yes, a dark bay hoss."
when New Workers." says writer,
"become too scientific and literary, they
are apt to become, at the same time, too
irreligious. At this distance it looks
as if the New-Yorkers were becoming
too scientific and literary. NosTistoso1
Herald.
THE shades of night were falling
fast" read the teacher; ''what does that
mean?" And the smart bad boy reck-
oned 'the women were pullin' down
the blinds" for which he got ten min
utes in the merry birch woods. s.-Brook-
Ign Eagle.
'.Miss de Jauns is a very self-possess-
ed young lady, isn't sheP" remarked
Jackson. "Yes, she ought to be-" re-
piled Dickson. "Why SOP" Because
l have asked her to be mine three times
and she said mo- each time. ~ Mer-
chant 1raUcler.
What luck did you have, dearP"
asked his wife as he returned home from
days fishing. splendid" he said;
"just look at them" Opening his bas-
ket he displayed lot of sausages. The
butcher had mixed those baskets up.-
NJ Y San.
1t is stated that if 100000 women
should clasp hands they could reach
around the globe. Yes, but you could
not get them to do it, as some women
would decline to hold another hand on
the ground that it was terribly rough
Nes0 Haven Nesos.
An excited English speaker recently
perpetrated the bull: "Sir, she was man
enough to resist Russia" and another
leader said: ''The voice of England,
which sounded so clearly at the last
general election, would not be lost sight
OF. Parts Nes0s.
After the clerk had pulled down ev-
erything in the store without satisfying
mis- customer. a woman, she asked him
if there was anything else he had not
shown her. ''Yes. ma'an," he said,
1.-THE cellar; but if you wish it I will
have that brought up and shown to
you. "-LoWcH Citizen.
"You know l am about to marry
Mile. X. She is impossibly ugly. 1 ad-
NIT, but think of her dowry-500. 00o
francs. l shall simply wed her with
my eyes shut" "Yes, my dear fellow,
and you will do well never to open them
again. French Fun.
Young man." said the. stern parent
to the applicant for his daughters
hand. ''are you sure you can support a
family?" I'll wasn't m-making any
calculations on that" stammered the
young man; Il only want the girl, you
know" Rtts6urg Dispatch.
Ethel (reading)-A brute of a Mem
phis man recently enticed young heir
ess into the house of blind clergyman
and at the point OF a pistol compelled
her to marry him. Maud (who has
been reading the London Court Jour
naD How delightfully."- English!