River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-06-30


eight years. He was named John,
after his father.
FOR TIRED PEOPLE.
GOT THERE FIRST.
I've seen men too mean to lend a
dollar, said Nigwug-
80 have /, replied Filtrip. "And,
by the way, can't you let me have a
dollar now for few daysP'
POUNDS, man! | was just preparing
to ask you for iive3'
VERY WARM FRIENDS.
''Good-by, old boy. I'm sorry you've
got to leave us
Pate has decreed it, my friend, and
| am as content to leave the world now
rs | ever should be.
"And YOU have no shadow of ill-will
toward me at parting, have you?"
.N0, indeed. sir. We have always
been warm friends in this world, aud
am sure we shall be warmer ones in the
next. - YoHkerS Gazette.
PROGRESS IN DAKOTA.
Two new railroads coming here,
understand, said Dakota man to an
other resident of the same place.
Yes, and there came mighty near
being three"
Flows thatP"
why, five of us organized new
company yesterday with the intention
of running tracks out of this town like
spokes out of the hub of bicycle
wheel, but we tried all day, and
couldn't raise the s. necessary 10 get
| incorporated. We hope To make il up
| this afternoon. Look out for three
columns in tomorrow mornings paper
-Datota Bell.
| 4 NOVEL SITUATION.
Yes. sir" he said with emphasis u
want excitement am tired of this
| humdrum life on Northern railroad. y
Young man. observed an old gem
| tleman in IA back seat, u was in
| Charleston. S c., the other day. and
they are looking for just such a man
as YOU.
What for?' asked the young man
who yearned for excitement.
TO brake no an earthquake repli-
ed the old gentleman.
WANTED TT AFTER ALL.
Wife Ito husband) Don't you want
to see the evening paper?
Husband No, believe not. Nothing
| in it, is there?
Wife Yes; it tells of the Presidents
prospective vacation this summer.
Husband Don't wanti it.
Wife-And terrible railroad acct
dent.
Husband Don't want 1t, | tell you.
Wife-And another attemptto kill an
Irish editor, and how Sarah Bernhardt
shocked society at Omaha
Husband i tell you that | don't
want to see il.
Wife-And it tells of the adjourn
ment of the Legislature, and
Husband (eNcitedly)- Hand it here,
please.
A PARTING REQUEST.
Mistress ann sorry to have you
leave me, Mary.
Maryland am sorry to go. There
isn't any one Id sooner do a favor for. |
Mistress-Ah, indeed Then won |
YOU be 50 kind rs to give me recon-
mendation to hand to the next cook |
who applies? Harpcr'S Bazar'
SHE CHANGED HER MIND.
Mrs. Pious-"I do wish Mr. Me |
shorter that you would come up and |
sec my husband He is very i'll, and |
| am afraid he will die without eNpe- |
riencng religion. Don'tyou think you
can nvince him of the necessity of |
atoning for his past neglect?"
Rev McSnorter-I will try, Mrs. |
Pious | will come up this afternoon |
and see if ! can't induce him to leave |
some of his fortune to the new theolog- |
ical seminary.
Mrs. Pious (hastily) on second |
thought, Mr. McSnorter, don't believe |
yourspresence viii be necessary.
CALLED AWAY On BUSINESS.
How is the work progressing in
bdhtRd' tSh'h - bpHtpH hiiHi9tOi u Il /
good brother al the Baptist anniversaries |
the other dav.
..Wcll, | am getting along pretty |
well, but still it's rather discouraging. I
The first week | went there | had bic |
congregations. One day there were
$50 down on their knees weeping and /
praying. A man came in and said |
there were two detectives coming down
the road. and every blessed person got /
up and skipped, - Minneapolis Journal.
NEEDED HIS CHECK BOOK.
Wigwug came home at 10 the other
night ravenously hungry and called
to his wife:
Cant you bring me "A cold snack
that's Il dear. I'm half famishedn'
"Why where on earth have YOU
been?
Just got back from the Central
Street Church festival.
And hungryP' cvincing great sur
prise.
"As bear! You see, had only s.
with me
MET HIS MATCH.
Hello what's this?' cried Alonzo
Littlcwaite, as he sat up in bed and
looked into the muzzle of revolver.
Your money or your life!' eXclaim-
ed a hoarse voice from behinG the
mask.
What! you would rob me2'
IL would.
"You do not know who | am. | am
coal dealer. Honor among
But the robber with a cry of baiiied
rage, had fled. PHILADELPHIA CAL
JUVENILE WIT.
A Sunday-school teacher asked
little girl of her class if she had been
baptized YES, said the little girl;
1.-TWO times" Two times? Why. |
how could that be?'' Il didn't take
the first time said the little girl