Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1887-04-21

iai attendant: Good-by. Pat
uoou-by, yer honor. May God bless
you, and may every hair in your
head be a candle to light your soul to
glory. Wdi, Pat said. showing
him my bald pate when the time
comes there won't be much ola torch.
light procession"
In the Castle of Edinburgh he en-
couragesa bold, bad boodler:
MY canny and frugal guide said to
me: Sir, the tower is closed which con-
tains the crown jewels, and you can't
get in. Thedoors are locked Said +.
WI a sovereign open them?' The
half of it will, sir" He fairly yelled
IN astonishment at the reckless prodi-
OF Scots:
"she died with the same superb
courage as she had lived, and in the
royal chapel of the King OF Bavaria /
saw the pocket alter, no larger than a
iady's watch, with its jcwelled Madon-
ma and infant Christ, which had been
her secret companion and refuge in
triumph and despair. Was she guilty.
OF her husbands murder? Upon this
question tens OF thousands have
Fought and gone to bloody graves.
Let uspray that her troubled life end.
ed. her spirit from its tiny shrine
was received into an endless ett rnity
OF rest and peace"
He visits Nelly Abbey, near South
ampton, stands supreme. The WV
twines about its pillars, hangs grace
] fIilU nyar tie r,.,nal ,,.lf-
IN and out its grand windows. and by
moonlight it is the most weird and
beautiful place in the world. While
the roof is gone, and the interi-
or, the rest OF the great chapel,
b chapter house, the monkish aeces.
series are perfect. but it had no Wal
ter Scott. Only it's own homely story
IS ITS literature. Itsmonkey lived too
freely with the larder and the ladies'.
and IT was suppressed and its lands
contscated. Its purchaser. Sir Bias.
ket Lucy. sold the materi,.lst to a ear
penter OF SOUTHAMPTON named TAYLOR.
The carpenter took off the roof, and
was warned by an old monk, who an.
peared to him in a dream, that il he
attempted to pull down the church a
stone would fall from the window and
XIII him for his sacrilege, and the next
day the stone fell, h eholy fathers had
the:crevenge, and the abbey was saved.
When | visited it all the sentiment of
the place was destroyedby q Sunday
school picnic which was lunching within
its sacred walls. improved the time
by studying what the British mother
ted to her offspring on such occasions,
and found that they were fairly gorged
with rich, black plum-eake. Yes ex-
planned one of the fond parents to me,
we do this one day in the year, with
the understanding that they shall
take blue pill and castor oil for three
days thereafter
The English driver, he thinks, does
not scintillate with brilliancy:
THE Irish driver is full OF wit, hui
nor and fun, but his information is
limited, and he is a poor guide. The
English driver is the stupidest OF all
mortals. He has neither Imagination
nor knowledge. / said to one as we
drove through the ancient gates of an
old walled town: What were those
arches built for?' Il don't know, sir
How long have you lived hese?' 'All
my life, sir. In the square at Sails
bury stood a statue of Sidney Her
bert, for many years a distinguished
member of Parliament. | asked the
coachman: Whose statue is that?'
Mr.. Herbert's sir WELL said j.
what did he do TO deserve a statue?'
Il don't know, sir, but / think he fit
somewhere Well, is that the reason
he is dressed in a frock coat, and ear
ries an umbrella instead OF a sword?'
Yes, sir. / think So / said to my
driver at Torquay: DO many Ameri-
cans come here?' oh, yes, sir, Ameri-
cans are very fond of Torquay. Only
yesterday morning, sir, two Americans,
young ladies, 'ad me out before break
last, and they made me drive them TO
an American dentist to have a tooth
| plugged, and the next day | had to 60
there very early again. because there
was some trouble with the plug. Oh,
the Hamericans are very fond of Tor
quay, SIR But the Scotch driver
knows as much as a college professor.
There is nothing in the real or legend
airy history of every spot we pass that
ne will not give you with surprising
clearness and accuracy" He IS not
so patriotic that he cannot see the
nomadic American as he is:
"on the banks of the Doom / came
across the Inevitable American tour
list company. 1t was a bridal party.
| She was young aud he was past mid
die life, and with them was his friend.
The bridegroom was sobbing and
wiping his eyes, and his bride was try
| ing to comfort him. Finally his friend
| led him one side, and near me, and
said: Don't take on so, old a
| Cheer up. You are making your wife
| feel bad, and spelling the trip. What
on earth is the natter Oh said
he. Sam, this whole thing reminds me
so of my second wife. She was so
fond of Burns"
Still, he cannot indorse the senti-
meut Of the following:
"a literary friend of mine stopped
over night at a noble mansion on this
coast, and my friend compllmented
| tho Countess on the almost unparal
leled beauty OF the situation. Yes,
| she said that is all true, but it is ut.
| terly spoiled by the frIghttul
TACT that when / lay awake
at nights | cannot help feeling
| that there is nothing but the Atlantic
| ocean between me and those
American savages. And 1t was mere
| that | heard, in another walk IN lie,
a speeiman of that singular obtuse.
ness to verbal humor characteristic oil
| ali classes OF Englishman. Some one
| asked the town crier, h IN CO
try towns 90 about ringing a bell and
| shouting auctions, ard lost. strayed
or stolen animals aud children, II he
wouId 90 around and notify OF the
loss of n pet dog. No. said he l
can't cry to-day. My wife died this
morning. -,
At Stonehenge he meets q typical
guide. After being piled with many
| questions, the guide said:
"tH'I can Railways tell h'Americans
by the h'odd questions they ask,
Now that big stone yonder iell hover
and broken the ~yearl197 II whenl
| told this to one OF your ceuntrynie men
\ he said, "Well, did you sec 1t iaii!
"Gooi heavens" said l. that was
nearly a hundred years ago. linen
/ was only last week pointing u 70
a, pretty Young h'American LADY that
onlv one day in the year, and tnat
| the longest day, the first rays OF
tbe rising sun come directly 81 that
\ ~taIlest stone and strike on that stone
wing down over there with the letter
t"h,A" on it, which means the AFTER
"Oh.p she said suppose you nave
seen Il more than a thousand times,
Lord bless you, miss, saio y ~
only happeps once a year.
nLutS mora serious style may