Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1887-06-24
NO. 80
Foollng a Scamp.
From Clara Bellies New York Chatter.l

HetriInOnlal advertising cltlZen. FOR
several days we saw an ad in the pa
pers asking some lady of means to
correspond with gentleman of fine
education, high moral character and
genteel appearance. 1t was easy to
see the person was impecunious, ugly
and in earnest. So to this man we
wrote. We told him lovely ghost
story of an early marriage to grocer
of means. of an unfortunate illness
and widowhood. We said that, left
with large fortune, we were being
domineered over by the deceased
grocer's mother, who was seeking to
invest large sum we had in bank at
present in property out of town, and
then get possession of the widow and
money The mother-in-law had in
tentions of an almost murderous char
acter. We were not Seeking altogeth.
er to make second marriage, but to
lInd some strong masculine spirit to
counsel and advise us in our great
strait"
1t was lovely how Veritas "bit at
the bait" We got letter immedi-
ately, telling "Cornelia" (that was
the name we signed), to be firm; not
to yield an inch; to buy no property
until she had seen him, Veritas,
who was prepared to be drawn and
quartered in defense of friendless
widows with stamps. The whole
letter breathed desire to get hold of
just such blessed fool as we had
made Cornelia out to be.
Then We thought we'd have look,
at him. SO we named the street in
which En- lives, and three o'clock in
the afternoon. There is a church in
directly opposite Ems parlor win
dows. We mentioned the vicinity of
the church as the most secluded. He
was to know the widow by hand
kerchief carried in her parasol hand,
and she was to know him by news
paper in one hand and few flowers
in the other.
At3 O'Clock promptly we nearly
fell out of the window as he hove in
sight-such cadaverous, unhealthy
looking spectacle, his seedy suit
brushed and buttoned up, his cranky
hair oiled till it and showed his scalp
behind under the brim of q shocking
bad hat. That hat alone settled his
status-it was the vintage of 1879.
The weed was rusty and the beaver
had been touched up with q wet
sponge. There were knees in his
winter trousers and fringe on their
bottoms. The heels of his shoes
were worn on one side till he walked
on the bias, and altogether he was ss
fine u specimen of decay as you could
run on in week
In his hand, which was covered
with black worsted glove, he bore
a newspaper rolled up like the trun.
cheon of Hamlet's ghost, and in the
end of it he had stuck q bunch of
roses.
AS luck would have it, lady in
mourning came down the street. Yer.
itas was on the alert. She had no
handkerchief in her hand, but he
pranced up beside her and looked out
of his watery eyes knowingly. He
met no encouragement, but he couldn't
give it up. He passed her twice,
swinging his aower-tipped paper trun.
cheon; then he got in front, setting
it up against his coat-tails and wag-
ging it as if he was old dog Tray and
pleased to meet her. Half q dozen
women he pursued in like manner,
till finally, about 4, he gave it up as
a bad job, and we lost him,
Then we sat down and wrote
this:
Yesterday by no strategy could l
get out-that horrible old woman
put her bonnet on and vowed I
should not stir step without her. /
was in despair / had no one to send
and then you were disappointed. But,
dear friend, don't desert me; be at
that same place tomorrow, and If at
10 minutes past three o'clock / am
not there, come right around to the
next street where j live, though l
didn't mention it before. Go up the
steps of No. 26. ring the bell, inquire
for Mrs. Jones, you will be shown
into the parlor, and l will come to
you. Just speak of having come
from Middletown lately. Talk about
Julia and the boys. Speak up loud
and say the new barn is nearly done,'
Talk about anything till tell you it
is safe, because that old dragon will
shurely be listening"
This was splendid. Around in the
next street at 26 lives woman NAM
ed Jones, En- just detests. Only
think what q situation this brought
about,
At punctually there was our aw-
full "Veritas" spookier than ever.
The wretch waited and looked at
Waterbury watch several times. Of
course there was no Cornelia. 30 he
braced himself and headed for 26, the
next street. We had our hats on,
and we flew out and after him. Up
the steps bold as brass he went. He
pulled the bell and was admitted.
We watched and waited certainly Is
minutes. Then the door banged
open. The servant came out and
looked up and down the street. "She
is after the police" said EN-. Then
out bounced Veritas, his hat in his
hand. lie was as bald as pound Of
butter; that is, he had just few
hairs He was gesticulatIng wildly,
and his poor old face was as red as
spanking; behind loomed up Ems
bete noir, Mrs. Jones, looking like o
turkey who sees red rag.
We sent Ems hired girl over TO
interview the Jones girl, and we
heard all about it-how he got into
the parlor, and, when Mrs. Jones
came in, talked like a crazy man
about barns and Julias and cows, and
kept looking ut the folding glass
doors, and kept whispering, "Is it
safe? Can l expose my identity
nowl
And Mrs. Jones at last shrieked
for the girl, and they put the crazy
creature out.
Oh, En- and / have had o lovely
time. We are going to write him to-
night and vow that Mrs Jones was
| tha mot har.in w and oha hau Nar.