The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1887-02-26

y
Jump at the chance to marry your
thirty cows and twenty acres Of hops"
Professor, won't stay here IL you
don't let up on that"
"And your wife does not look well in
that new Watertown wagon. and so.
YOU take the hired man and neighbors'
girl to meeting. Your wife never goes
anywhere, so YOU never give her
watch like your own, nor a new silk
dress, nor pony she could drive, nor
a basket pheton that she could climb
into without ladder. She never says
anything, so you never have got her
set of teeth like your gold and rubber.
but she has got to gum it until her nose
is pushed into her forehead and her
face wrinkles like burnt boot She
never goes out, but she don't dye her,
hair as you do yours, but 1t looks like
milkweed pod gone TO seed. She has
to work n the kitchen, so she gets no
nice toothpick shoes like yours, but
goes chumping around like sheep in
a dry goods box"
Darn my skin if ! don't"
mo, you won't; You will just Lot her
work right along. and then you will
marry some high-nyer who will pull
every hair out Of yonr head, and serve
you right too"
Professor, TOT mercy's sake. sror.~
"When you know, i'd Know shat
II your wife had chal'e ,o rest. bad
nice clothes like other women. she
would be one of the handsomest women
in the town."
II swan, / believe il.
"And, old rs she is, il you were TO
get out the carriage next Sunday and
drive around with the colts, and tell her
YOU wanted her to go to meeting with
YOU, she would actually blush with
pleasure"
Blamed if don't do it."
Then, Monday, ifyou were to tell
her you were going to hire girl. and
that she must sit in the sittng-room by
that new nickel-platcd coal stove and
work Oh that new silk dress you ara
going to buy her"
Professor, that's She"
"And then hand her nice wallet
with steel clasps and with five new $50
notes in. and tell her to do her own
trading after this, because you have
got tired of looking after 80 much
money"
II will, as sure as You live" n
4 "And then when the tear stands in
her eye and the same old blush comes
out that you thought was 50 nice when
you went on that teeter to Albany, Il
you should kiss her"
'.Its all right, professor"
Then my friend, ! would begin to
think she had made something by mar
rying rich man. v
You're right, old man"
Then think you would no longer
have miserable wife. Then you would
no longer want to rent or sell the farm.
but would be showing the mother OF
your children how much you respected
her for her life Of devotion. Then she
would know she was partner in that
$50, 600 Then If you made your will
all right. and she had q good rest i
think she would some time be an cllig-
ible widow"
think so, professorP
81 know it. Woman is q plant THAI
wants sunshine You have been leav-
ing Your wife in the shade too much.
She has lost her color. You have made
her believe she is an old woman. Sha
has given up all hope of admiration aud
love, and is only waiting TO die to get
out of the way. Suppose you were
treated SOP
What, me? am all right"
Yes. know. Women pity you be-
cause you are tied 10 such sorry-look-
ing wife. Foolish old maids and silly
girls whisper behind your back what a
nice-looking man You are. and what =
stick of wife you have got and you
are just soft enough TO wear tight boots
and oil what little hair you have left on
the top of your head and go around
figuring up how long before your wife
will die"
"Say. now, see here, professor. thcr
is limit to endurance. am going"
IL am coming down to see you next