davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19
HUMOROUS.

The harder base ball club works the more it plays. In its old age every comb loses its teeth and hair. A lazy man is always equal to the ex- ertion of eating.
 If a man blows his own trumpet, can his opinions be souud2
 The new dynamite gun is determined to make noise in tho world
 It takes nine tailors to make Q man, but one tailor can make dude.
 The toy balloon makers business be- ing greatly inflated has au upward tend cncy.
 Women are said to give back talk, but do not men do the same when they crit icisc the modern bust!el
 A man may be able to paint town red from end to end, and yet possess none of the cardinal virtues.
 ''How it all comes back to mel" dramatically exclaims the poet, opening a thick parcel of rejected verses. A writer says the green apple was never known to do any one any good. The doctor could probably tell differ ent story. There arc 7s, 1000, 900 acres of corn planted in this country, and about that number of corn achers on the feet of its inhabitants. The men who havo wake barefooted over the burning sand of the desert al. ways know all about the times "that tried mems solcs." "Docs your wife play the piano2' q am sorry to say she doesn't" ''Docs she play any musical instrumcnt3" "Nonc whatever" "Hey That's rare accomplishment.
 A poet sent to an editor Q contribu. tion entitled, "Why do livc2 The edi. tor answered.: ''Because you sent your contributions by mail instead of bring Ing tnem III person.
 An enthusiastic editor wrotc:--"The battle is now opened" But, alas the intelligent compositor spelled "battlo" with an "o," and his readers said they had suspected it all along.
 Bobby was inspecting the new baby for the first time, and his dictum was as follows: II s'pose it's nice enough what there is of it, ," he said, without en- thusiasm: ''but Pm sorry it ain't par. i rot"
 First mashcr--'I say, Jack, such lot of jolly girls smiled at mo as came down the Parade" Second mashcr- "No wonder, my boy; your necktie has got right round the other side of your ear."
 It is said that at least 45O, 900 meteors | fall from the heavens and strike the earth every hour during the year; and yet when Q man goes home with dam aged hat, and tells his wife that he was struck by a meteor, she will not believe him.
 Why seems the young poet so weary and
 sad!
 Existing under constant reetraint' What is it that shuts out every thought that is glad
 Is it genius or liver complaint!
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19

There are 100, 900 persons from the Maritime Provinces of Canada in this country, again& 77s, 5e4 in the provinces themselves AsA matter of fact, says the New York Tribune, there are more Canadians from these provinces now liv- ing in this country than the added popu- lation of the Provincial towns of Hali- fax, St. John, Portland, Charlottetown ard Frcdericktown. Speaking of this the St. John Telegraph says: "These arc startling facts. How is this drain of our population to be checked2 We have tried federation for that purpose and it has failed. We have tried protection and it has but aggravated the evil We have tried building tho Pacific Railway and other schemes, but without check. ing this drain of our maritime life blood. Is it not time we tried rcciproc ity2
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19
Jcalousies During the Civil War.

war CorrcSpOnucnce was OUCH serious task, being accomplished under many difficulties. After any engage ment, whether big or little, the corre- spondents had the greatest trouble to obtain correct information from the forces that took part in it. During the first year, and more, of the conflict, many minor officers of the regular army dcspised the volunteers, and few took pains to conceal their feeling. They seemed unwilling to give them any credit and the same injustice prevailed to a certain degree among the volunteer com mands. When we inquire, therefore, of a brigade or division as to the part they had tdkenin battle, they would, if they had participated at all, be likely to ap- propriate most of the credit themselves. Then questioning some other brigade or division, they would declare the honors of the day belonged to them, and would deny the truth of the previous report specifically and emphatically. Thus, an Ohio brigade would assume to have done everything and to have saved an Indiana brigade from being cut to pieces; while an Indiana brigade would make the same assumption for them, selves and disparage tho troops of the ncighboring state. The same was true of Iowa and Wisconsin, of Michigan and Minnesota troops. Each command had turned the tide of strife and covered it. self with glory, so that there was very little left for the remainder of the army to achieve. The West Pointers had nc faith in the volunteers, come from where they might. They not infrequcntly dis puted their courage; and when they did not, they proclaimed their incompctcncy. War was an art, science; how could noviccs be expected to acquire it with out study and experiencea
 Regulars and volunteers corrected in time this vicious habit. With their i1. crease of military knowledge, they be. came more intelligent and moro tolerant; they understood themselves and others better. In truth, tho first two years were little else than a series of experi- ments; they served as sort of training school for learning the trade of war. - [Lippincott's Magazine.
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19
in the eyes of thls country server clearly was time for silence.

in the eyes of thls country server clearly was time for silence.
 So Juanita was tried; but the trial was sad, onc-sidcd affair, in which there was a total absence of that love for fair play so characteristic of the American miner No one dared to say word for her; for a moment the men of that region seemed inspired by Satan to the doing of his internal will. When the verdict was formally declared Juanita gave quiet. little laugh, as if to say, How droll! These great American men think in this aping of ancient forms they have given their prisoner trial Juanita made her will, verbally, in tho four hours allowed her before execution, arranged her affairs, and gave her few effects away. During it all her courage carried her far beyond the usual stolid fortitude of her race. At time when men tremble and pray, she was her natural self, neither gay nor sad. She was as far from looking light ly on the matter as from giving way to senseless sorrow. Near at hand a bridge spanned the Tuba. Its builder had left two uprights, near its middle, with a beam across, as if for the express pur- pose of hanging. It was just the place for the occasion, and Juanita walked down to the bridge with a light, elastic step, surrounded by her friends chatting quietly with them on the way. She shook hands with them all, but not a tear nor a trcmor was visible. Sho mounted step-ladder to a scantling that had been tied for her to stand upon. She took from her head a mans hat that had kindly been placed there by some friend, and shied it with un- erring accuracy to its owner, smiling her thanks. Then, with quick dexterity, she twisted up her long black tresscs, smoothed her dress, plac ed the moose over her head, and arranged the rope carefully. And finally lifted her hands, which she had refused to have tied, exclaimed, "Adios senores!" and the fatal signal was given. Chicago Trib-
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19

A coroner furnishes the St. Louis Globe Democrat with the following facts con- corning suicides: "Of the total suicides in year, over 50 per cent. occur during the hot mo nths of June, July and Au- gust. The melancholy days of autumn, the saddcst of the year, are strangely not condemned to self-destruction, vet ono would think so. l figure it out that men drink more in the summer, and con- sequently they don't sleep well. You will notice that most suicides occur in the carly morning. Tho testimony shows that the act has been preceded by slcepless night, with consequent breeding over real or imaginary trouble Irishmcn rarely commit suicile. Ameri cans commit suicide to avoid disgrace, CT while broken up nervously at the enc of debamch. There is no case on re cord in this office of negro committing .uicide, nor have l ever heard or read O ono any where"
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19

Statistics compiled abroad give the aggregate horse power of all steam eu zines in use as 46, GOO, 900. Each steam horse power is equivalent to three times an actual horse power, and living horse IS equal to seven men; so that the worlds engines represent approximately the work of 1000, 900, 900 men, or more than double ths working population ol the earth, whose total nnmber of inhabi tants is 1, ,455, 923, 900. Of the tota steam force, not including locomot ive' the United States has 2, 7,5O0, 900 horse Tower, England, 1000, 900; Ger many, 4,5OO, 900; France, 3, 900, 00O, and Austria, 1, 500, 900. The locomotives ol the world number 105, 900, and repre- sent 5000, 900 horse power.
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19

It may or may not be sign of the times, says the Boston Courier, that two or three cases of noblemcn so impoyer- he'd as actually to beg their bread on the street, have attracted attention in Europe. Aristocrocy will find it hard to exist except as guild that looks after its poor members. It is impossible to to keep up the fiction of supremacy by birth when the scions of noble families arc on exhibition as rag pickers and mendicants
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19

Here is an advertisement that is ap- bearing in the Utah papers: "Wantcd, information of John Edmund Kettle, age twenty-six, formerly of London, England, latterly of Salt Lake City, by the undersigned-Marietta Kettle, Rosa V. Kettle, Lillian o. Kettle, Katherine K. Kettle, Hattie S. Kettle, Susan T. Kettle, Fannie B. Kettle, Constance c. Kettle, Margaret X. Kettle and Julia A. Kettle, all of Salt Lake City" Appar ently thcsc Kettles are all boiling; al any rate, it will be pretty hot for Johr Edmund if he is canght.
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19

X writer in the Nineteenth Century mentions the case of man who, while addicted to the morphine habit, fell in love with girl. With view to marry ing her he place himself under medical treatment for the habit, but found, when restored to health, that his love had van ished so that he did not at all care for the girl Whether he relapsed and then married his drenm love is not stated.
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19

In paper recently read by M c. V. Zcnger before the French Academy of Sciences, the writer concluded from a study of the fire statistics for several years that there is possible relation be- tween fires of unknown origin and peri o lical showers of metsors. Among other things he pointed out that from August i to August 1S, this year, bril- liant metcoric display, and coniagra- tions were of frequent occurrence.
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19
A WaStG Pr0duct Itiliznd.

A new British industry is the prepara- tion of basic slag for agricultural ma nure. The material is pulverised by ma chinery to such an extent that the fin ished product will pass through a sieve of 10, 900 holes to the square inch. The fertilizing properties of this slag are due to the large proportion of iron and phos- phoric acid which it contains.
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19
The YOice of the Wind.

The Voice of the Wind. Who hath an eye to find mel Who hath a chain to bind mel Nv haunts are earths fair forests, fields and blur the pictured dreams of sleeping fountains,
 Or send my voice along her piney noun tains, Hither and thither going where please. Men see not, but they hear me, They love me, yet they fear me. For nc'er spirit had such changing moods, From waiting heavcnward the white winged ships
 Ger waters calm as lakes, seize my whips And drive the tcmpests from the solitudea Who hath an eye to find mel Who huth a chain to bind met Tho vagrant roamer of the homeless sky. Before the hoary mountains were, lived, For ages murmering through their pines have grieved That alone of all things ne'er shall die.
 -AJ. F. Ritter, Jr.
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19
When Cupid Sheltered.

Wiggins Cwho has nerved himself to ask her papas conscnD-"Sir have just returned from the concert with Miss DeJones-and finding you alone"
 DcJones (of Chicago)-"That's all right, my boy broke, oh? Here's a twenty. Her mother used to clean mo out the same way. Judge.
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19
The King Headed the List.

The King of Persia once ordered his vizier to make out list of all tho fools in his dominions. He did so, and put his majesty's name at the head of them. The king asked him why, and he i'm mediately answered.: "Bccausc you en- trusted a lac of rupees to men you don't know to buy horses for you Q thousand miles off, and who'll never come back. !" "Ay, but suppose they come back?' ''Thcn shall erase your name and in- scrt theirs.'
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19
The Idler.

Parent-"Who is the lazicst boy in your class, Johnny2' Johnny-'I dunno"
 'I should thiak you would know. When all tho others are industriously writing or studying their lessons who is he who sits idly in his scat and watches the rest instead of working himself9'
 "Thc teacher. "-f Texas Siftings
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19
A Plausible Theory.

Old Mrs. Bently - Gin an art gallery reading the warning: "Thcse arc valu- able Old Masters and must not be touched.'D - "What's that fer dye s'pose?"
 Old Mir. Bcntly 'I guess the paint on 'cm ain't dry yet.- Siftiugs.
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19
Bobby Explains.

Minister (dining with the family)- You never go fishing on Sundays, do you, Bobby2
 Bobby-Oh, no, sir.
 Minister-That's right, Bobby. Now, can you tell me why you don't go fish ing on Sunday2
 Bobby-Yes, sir. Pa says he doesn't want to be bothered with me. New York Sun
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19

British agricultural returns show an increase in the acreage Tn cultivation this year, over 1886, of wheat, oats and potatoes; of barley and hops there is a decrease, in the one instance, of 2, and in the other of Q. 4 per cent.
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19
A lire0t Mind.

Mir. Yeast-Your wife is literary, is she not2
 MT. Crimsonbeak-Oh, yes; she's got ono of the greatest minds ever saw.
 Us that fact2"
 ''Ycs indeed; she's given me piece of it every day for the past twenty years, and I guess she's got largo stock on hand yet. ."-Statesman.
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19
Easy to Say.

Husband--My dear, what is the largest, highest, deepest, broadest, strongest, greatest and biggest word iu the English language.
 Wlfc--I give it up, John.
 Husband Money.
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19
Wanted Some Relief.

"Did you ever hear mo sing my new solo, Emily, Under the Silent StarsH"
 "No, I never have. Is it sentiment tall"
 Alphabetically so."
 ''Plcase sing it. have the neuralgia so bad that anything will b, welcome as a relief. D. Lincoln Journal.
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19

It is said that as an almost direct re- suit of the Wild West show in London there has been very large increase of the middle and lower class emigration to America
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19
No Reference to Him.

It is Longfcllow who says:
 ''The rapture of pursuing
 Is the prize the vanquished gain." This cannot have any reference to the man who chases the last car at night and loses it.-[ Boston Courier.
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19

A French scientific man, named Le Bee, says that civilized man is gradually losing the sense of smell, and that, through disuse of its functions, the noso itself must finally disappear.
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19
VOL. XVII.
In Fields of Corn,

F IckVS VI SVlu Tn Fields of corn the sunbeams creep, WI ere cups of crimson peoples steep And drop their drowsy dreams until The little winds grow faint and still, On murmuring leafy seas asleep, .
 In fields of corn. The yellow kernels fold and keep The mellow wealth tho seasons heap, And happy orioles pause and trin
 In fields of corn. In fields of corn the truant sheep Through red-tipped tangled tassels peep, Where silky tufts in crinkles spill From silvery sheaths the ripe ears fill Like golden sweets my heart hoards deep
 In fields of corn.
 -[Evaleen Stein.
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19
Connecticut Wostgrn News,
PrBLIsBED AT CANAAN, lrTcHFlElD co CONN.,, EVERY wHDvrSnsY MOpNrN0
S C BECKLEY, Editor and PruHHtor. Local News a Speciality.
fRRMS,

42.o0 DOT year, if paid strictly in sdyanoe, IT not peid at tho expiration of thrss months o436 VII be charged .'-,ls
 6obsdkibers desiring shelr papers disson- finued akust eivo notice at the IxPInAf7ox of theax sooewfptous, any previous notice not Icing sdfacient and unle0 Au Arfsaraess ars rsid pApers win not then bs disoonNaued ass sA t6s option o6 the puhtshse.
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19

The ruling profession of the West is evidently real estate. In one small town of a population of 5000 there are twenty five real estate brokers.
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19
Couldn't Scare Her.

He 0bcforc the wedding)---"Yo are sure you won't be nervous at the altar9 She Qour times a witlow)-I never have been yet. ."--- Judge.
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19

The crop of predictions for the next presidential campaign is already coming ia. It bids fair to be, as usual, . large
Connecticut western news., 1887-10-19

There is plenty of land in tho United States and only about 8 per cent. Of 1t is under cultivation.
Los Angeles daily herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1884-1890, 1887-11-24
Beaten mt Her Little Game.

Superintendent Morton, OF the
Union Railway Company, tells the
following story: "When | first took
charge Of the road the drivers COM
planned to me OF certain lady who
rode down town every day without
paving her fare. She would get
aboard of the car and hand the driver
a $2O-bill to change. Of course he
could not change it and could not
ask the lady to get off, SO she rode free
every trip. l decided that she was de-
liberately beating the company and de-
termined to get even with her. One
morning I gave one of the drivers on
the line which passed the lady's house
$40 in nickels, and instructed him to
change the lady's bill. She fell into
the trap, and about 10 O'Clock she
boarded the right car on her way down
town. She handed the driver the
twenty dollar bill, and he promptly re.
turned her 400 nickels. She put hel
fare in the box, but was so angry she
left the car and did not ride again fol
month. After that she always hat
change when she boarded carr
Birmingham Age.
Los Angeles daily herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1884-1890, 1887-11-24
SUBTLE SENECA.
He is Held to Answer for Grand
Larceny.

SAN Francisco, November 23.-
Seneca Augustus Swain was exam
ined in the Police Court this afternoon
on a charge of grand larceny in steal
ing $4,000 worth of jewelry belonging
to Mrs. Clara Belle Mcdonald. The
jewelry was identified by R. II. Nc
Donald, Jr., who stated that he had
purchased all the articles and had
never presented them to anyone.
8. J. Perra. saloon keeper, testified
that he had purchased Swalm's ticket
for New York on the 18th instant and
at Swalm's request had made the
purchase under the name OF j. Sanford;
Constable Dryer, OF Colfax, said
that he had arrested Swain on the
overland train, and that the prisoner
had intimated at the time that he
would give $500 to get to New York.
Testimony was given by officers to
the effect that the jewelry was found
in Swalm's possession when he was
searched at the city prison.
Judge Hornblower ordered Swain
to be held to answer to the charge,
with bonds fixed at $4,000. The hear
ing on the charges OF forgery was con-
tinued till Monday.
Los Angeles daily herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1884-1890, 1887-11-24
FOREIGN FIELDS.
Grevy Announces His In
tentiOn to Resign.
GRAVE POLITICAL SITUATION
Meeting of English COnserva-
tives-Salisbury's Views of
the Party's Position.
Associated Press Dispatches to the HEnAl

Associated Press Dispatches to the HERALD
PARIS, November 23.-President
Grevy to-day informed M. Maret,
Radical member of the Chamber of
Deputies for the Department of Seine,
that he had decided to resign. Grevy
said that he would ask M. Ribot to-
morrow to form Ministy to superin-
tend the meeting of the Senate and
Chamber OF Deputies, which will select
a new President. If M. Ribot refuses
to form q Ministry, he will ask M.
Goblet to do SO. Grevy stated that
he will not quit his post before issuing
an address to the country, in which
he will repudiate all responsibility for
the present state of affairs, and de-
clare that his retirement was forced
by the impossibility of governing the
country. He will depart from the
Presidency with the sincerest wishes
for the future of the Republic.
VERY UNWILLING.
tits stated that during the interview
with Maret to-day, President Grevy
was greatly affected, and pleaded
piteously for time. Maret was obdu-
rate, and told him that it was his duty
to resign not later than Saturday.
MINISTERIAL CONSULTATION.
1t is reported that Grevy worked
at the message until a late hour to-
night. Clemenceau, Granet, Sockray,
Rochefort and others held consulta-
ton tonight regarding Grevy's sue
cessor. 1t is rumored that all the
military candidates We're rejected.
1t is said that M. Ribot, member of
the Chamber OF Deputies for the De-
partment of Pas de Calais, will form a
new Cabinet, among the members of
which will be Goblet and Deves.
The journal des Debots advocates
the awaiting of the result of President
Grevy's efforts to form Cabinet, but
says it is impossible not to see the
gravity presented by the prolonged
uncertainty, which offers chance for
the creation OF dictatorship or the
outbreak OF disorder.
Los Angeles daily herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1884-1890, 1887-11-24
MAIL. MATTER.
A Reform Made by the POST
naster-GcHeral.

WASHINGTON, November 23.-In re-
spouse to an appeal taken by prom
inent NewYork news company firm, on
the ruling Postmaster Person, at New
York, exacting first-class rate postage
on certain third and fonrth-class mail
matter now held at the New York
postofice, the Postmaster-General has
replied that while he has no power to
authorize any modification OF the law
regarding permissible printing on
wrappers enclosing such matter, the
statutes confer on him the right to
remit the penalties. Holding that
the extra charge of postage in this
case falls in the nature of IA penalty,
the penalty or additional postage is
RENTED. The postoflice department
is preparing circular letter which
will be sent to all postmasters, author
izing them to remit penalties in all
similar cases, or where the circum-
stances seem to require it.
Los Angeles daily herald. [microfilm reel] (Los Angeles [Calif.]) 1884-1890, 1887-11-24
CLEAR THE TRACK |!
some Good Racing Witnessed
Yesterday.

Yesterday.
CLIFTON, November 23.-Weathel
good and track heavy.
First race, five. eighths of mile
five starters-Elsa Rosalind won
Gold Bond, second; Stringban, third
Time, :091a.
Three-quarters OF mile, five start
ers-Bridget Keaton won; Queen Of
Hearts, second; Sweety, third. Time,
l :2314.
Seven-eighths of a mile, seven start
ers-Little Mickey won; Ida West,
second; Glendon, third. Time, l :3S.
One mile, handicap, nine starters
Tunis won; Relax, second; Wauke-
sha, third. Time, 500.
Last race, three-quarters of a mile,
five starters-Lancaster won; Ell Trim
idad, second; Maynard, third. Time,
:214.
CALIFORNIA CONTESTS.
EUREKA, Cal, November 23.-The
fall meeting OF the Eureka Jockey
Club opened to-day. In the novelty
race Stoneman won. Time, quarter
25, half so, three-quarters l ;20}a,
mile l Al =.
Trotting-Col. Hawkins won the
first heat, Patchen the second and
third, Franklin the fourth and fifth.
Best time, 9 :35la. The race was post
poned until tomorrow.