Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1887-06-11
da-RrH AND MEkRImENr.

The latest dod gs-"Maria," he eaid to
hts wife the other evening sfter supper
al ohiuk I'll put on that light overooat
u oO,to the club" "Wbat that bottle
greeu?" 'Yes dear" "Why sold
that 10 q peddler q whole month Ago. I"
Bold II. sold that bottle green overcoat
70 q peddleri" "Yes darling, for that
pair Of vases" 'aThen We arc ruin Cd |
IN one OF. the pockets OF that coat were
atty dollars TALL the cash l had In the
world No new dresaes-no nothing for
you and the ohildren-we are ruined
ruinedt
married lAfl y.Uho moved in the country
hens pleasant and profitable under.
taking. Assha grow more absorbed 10
the pursuit her enthusiasm increased
and "hsns'' became . fAvorite subject
Of her thoughts and conversation. Dur.
ing one Of her amin ated descriptions of
her success. . friend inquired: "Are
your hens good laying nens?" "Oh,
, es," she replied in . delighted tone,
"sh-y haven't laid . bad egg yetv
'T shsn't be with you . great while,
Jane" said Me-. Melter. II shan't say
here u great wniIe." '.Oh. George, how
can you talk SOP" said Mrs. Meter,
with . luaubrtous expression Of face
because" raid he, ~ eeel As II was
most gone, aud that am j1st passing
sway like . cloud before the rising
s7n." Mr.. Meter verified bis prophecy
the next day By RAINING away with .
hsxom and sympathAinz feoaale neigh.
CGr.
sob, me !" che said, after srriviug st
hone from church, "k'm afraid most Of
the women ut church this morning
hoard but little Of the sermoul'' "Why
nott' Inquired her husband. "Be.
csuse.nost OF them spent the entlre
time looking at the clothes worn by
other women" "How do you know
they did thatP" why. l kept my
o. es on them all through the service"
She wondered why her husband laugl-
ed.
SCENE restaurant. Guest: "Wby
d ONT you beat your steak before cook
Ing IL? Tbi. ems to be rather tough"
Walter "Beatiug doesn't help our
steak. WeGs better than that. We
as general THU & put 1t On the
railrcai track and let freight train
run ovsr 1t; but this morning tho train
was oa'y half loaded. and consequently
the steak is not quite rs tender ., Il
ought to be-"
MRS MIMosA: Now, Johnnie, 60
and kiss your little sweetheart and
make it up." Johnnie: "No'm. l
won't I" Mrs. Mimoea: "Go and tell
her how much you love her. and how
sorry you are" johnnie: 81 won't
Pa says he got into breach OF. promise
case by ttllln' girl that. aud had to
marry the old thisR. i amt going 70
run no risks, amt"
"Tom, why did you not marry Miss
G?" "Oh. she had o sort of hesitancY
In her speech, and 80 left her." "a
hesitancy In her speech? never
heard that before. Are you not mis-
taben?" No, not 1t all. for when l
asked her II she would have me, she
kinder hesttated to say yes, and she
hasitated 30 long that cut out for
another gal"
Daring an examination OF . witness
as to the locality of the stairs In tho
house, the counsel asked him: (which
way do the stairs run?" The witnses,
o noted wag, replied: zone way they
run up stairs and the other way they
run downstairs. The learned counsel
winked his eyer, and then took . glance
at the ceiling.
Two wretched looking tramps were
brought up before justice OF the peace.
Addressing the worst looking one, the
justice asked: "Where do you live?"
|sNowhere." "And where do you
live?" said the Justice, addressing the
other. "I've got the room above him.
Mrs. Montague: why. Mary Ann,
what Is your reason for leaving us SO
|suddenly? DON'T you like the place?"
Mary Ann: "Yis, mum, the place is
very we'll. an ye do yer best; but yer
dretses is a miserable At for me, and so
OF jist med up me moind to leave this
day"
lEsthetic young lady: "Can you CON
oeive Of anything more som berly and
POLITICALLY solemn than tho denoument
Of Romeo and Juliet?' Gould the poet
have made their lives more weirdly
tragic?" Cynical bachelor: "Oh, yes;
re might have married them."
III wonder, MISS" said customer At
q pastry cooks shop to the Hebs ct the
counter, THAT the sight Of 90 many
Idelicacies does not inspire you with .
desire to taste them" "You forget,
sir" replied the young lady, chillingly,
that see them made
Good morning, Mistress GllligAn;
how 10 Patrick this morninR?" "6ure
he's NO better, SIR" "Why don't you
send him to the hospital to be troAted?"
ITO be treated, 10 II? FAithl an lis
tho delarium tremins he had already T.
"Arl what do Won think of thenp Pr
said the bridegroom to his wife, show.
ing her Niagara Falls for the nrst time.
"My, john" she said artlessly; "but
DON'T they look wet7" Now be says
his mother would have made . more
suitable reply.
Grocer Ito clsrk): Slower up those
rsspberries to keep the flies off. I" CLERK
Il Shall cover mp the ourrAnts, too?'
IGrooer: "Of course not Flies and
Iourrants are 30 much alike that the
difference is never discovered until 1t II
TOO late"