Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1887-02-24
WIT AND HrNOR.

! With stcaithy hand he strote TO clip
One golden rlnglct from her head.
"Ah. dontf' Then, with a smiling lip.
''They are my sister James. she said.
--Hhrper's Magazine.
'Thc lazy husliand's wide awake
He gives his wife gentle kick
At dawn. and says; Get up apd make
The fire, my dear, I'm very sick
It Is the same when storms arise,
And bitter Boreal brecxes blow;
He's awful sick In bed be lies.
And she must shovel of the snow.
{ r5E DIFFERENCE.
When ATLANTA, as the fables say,
/ Hard pressed in race the young Hippo.
menes.
(; To stay her swift pursuit he cast away
Z Apples OF gold from the Hesperides.
Not so do young men of the present day
I In whose possession golden fruit one sees;
/ They keep their apples--nice decoys these
make them
And let their Atslantas overtake them
-Manley II. Pike in Harper's Magazine.
Sarah Bernhardt has reached Pana-
ma. She must feel at home in that
narrow isthmus. Boston Herald.
Mr.. Bulge is credited with having
worn the first silk hat seen in Dakota
Territory. 1t had brick in it.
I Does position affect sleepp' asks a
/ writer. The position of your wife,
cold feet often does these winter nights.
! --Louisville Journal.
/ There is great demand for arms in
Europe. So there has been here, ever
since the sleighing season began
Burlington Free Press.
/ Mr.. Lie is a member of the Kentucky
! Legislature. He has near relatives in
many other Legislatures, though they
do not all pass by the family name.
/ We have little piece of advice to
offer. gratis; Don't sit down on a to-
! boggan-slide unless there is tobog-
gan under you. Burlington Free Press.
/ The man who tries TO make two
thousand-dollar salary fit a four-thou-
sand-dollar outlay generally winds up
the experiment in a foreign cline. -
Philadelphia CdU.
Wife-You talked in your sleep last
night, John, and you mentioned moth
er's name. Husband-That so? 1t
must have been that mincepie ate be-
fore going to bed.--Harper's Bazaar.
DIR. Mary Walker, according to u
current item, begins to show the eff
fects of age. Probably the report
/ arises from the fact that when the doe
/ tor takes her walks abroad she pants.
/ al feel like thunder this morning"
! complained u New Jersey citizen.
That's because you fooled with light
ming last night" reverberated his
wife. quicker than flash.-NetO York
! Sun.
The coming girl VIII walk five miles
day, says the Household. If the editor
will name the starting time and dis
lance perhaps the fellow she is coming
after can get out of the way.-Minnc-
apotis Tribune
! A commercial traveller fell fiat on his
face on College street yesterday. He
came up smiling, but the Street De-
partment will have a cracked paving
stone to replace one of these days. -
NcW Horen Palladium.
| Miss Boston (sweetly)-I under
stand, Miss Chicago, that the bellies Of
your city find large boots the more pre-
ferable? Miss Chicago (still sweeter)
Yes; but we don't have to use mucil-
age on our carriers. -Puck.
An exchange says: Mrs. Cleye-
land sits very quietly and demurely in
church" This will be pleasing infor-
nation for those who suppose she was
in the habit of creating disturbance
during divine service. --NeC Hacen
Ne,c5.
The movement against the wearing
Of hats and bonnets 1T the opera has
! been SO successful that il is now no
| tic,zt that only those ladies who live in
| the suburbs or are from the country
wear their street head coverings. 49, Bos-
/ ton Post.
/ The jury that recently tried two
saloohkeepcrs, of Woodland, Cal, for
grand larceny returned this verdict:
1--WE, the jury, find the defendants not
guilty, with the recommendation that
they leave the town within forty-eight
hours"
as he a Young man OF brainsP' i'm
quired an old gentleman respecting a
swell youth. well, really" replied
his daughter, Il have hnd no opportun-
ity of Judging, | never met him any,
where else except in society. y Fash-
ington Critic.
There arc i'umors of trouble between
Lord Randolph Churchill and his Am
erican wife. 1t probably began when
he resigned a $25, 900 office right in
the middle Of the gay season, when
new dresses were most necessary
Boston Herald,
We see it chronicled that girl in
New York was stabbed by man
whom she had never seen before"
That was simply atrocious. 1t is bad
enough TO be stabbed by bosom
friend, but total strangcr-how rudet
| ---PhilddelDhjG CdU.
First Kentuckian-I hear your broth
ers's dead. Second Kentuckian-Yes,
he passed away very peacefully. First
Kentuckian-- Natural death? Second
Kentuckian-Ye First Kentuckian
II thought he was going TO have'em.
--NeW Haven NeWs.
Small boy-"Pa, who was that nice,
kind gentleman who just patted me on
the head?" His father-"That was a
politician, my SON." docs he know
MAP mo, my son. he doesn't; and
he doesn't know pa only about once in
two years. Utica Herald.
Mr.. Heron Allen charges $40 to look
! at hand, and is accused Of being
exorbitant We wish to say that if the
average reader will polish up his think
or he will readily recall several occa-
sions on which he has paid great deal
more than this for tho privilege of sec
ing one.--PucE.
''Seven husbands in New York
town have never been absent from
home later than 8 o'clock Mt night dur
| ing married life of from ten to TWEEN
ty years" This is the first intimation
we have had that the ''seven wonders
of the world are located in this coun-
try. - N0rriStaWa Herdid,