Iron County register., 1887-06-30
A JOLLY VACATION.
How Mr.. Vandyke Brown Spent
His Fourth.
(Original.1

lOr1glnalI
It was nearing the close of the July
day preceding the one we celebrate by
gun-fring, bell-ringing and reckless in
diligence in cooling beverages not al
ways free from alcoholic suggestions.
Vandyke Brown was sitting at conf
parative ease in hard-bottomed chair
on the front stoop of an ancient hos
telry in little old half-forgotten coun.
try village, congratulating himself in
being removed-as far as is possible in
patriotic cAmerica-from the usual In
dependence Day tumult Six weeks
previous he had taken up his abode at
briggs Tavern - to use the Way
back vernacular - where with one
pleasing exception he was the only
''city boarder.
"Thank Heaven for the prospect of a
quiet, restful FOURTH" murmured
Brown, exhaling a sigh of somewhat
mingled cast with a volume of fragrant
cigar smoke, as he glanced down the
wide elm-shaded street which, in the
dusty distance, dwindled into the stage
road between Wayback and the busy
shire town of Pigwacket itself, the
nearest connecting link between Way
back and the social centers of civ
ilization. The only visible signs OF
life were Deacon Pipers' OK team jog
ging leisurely homeward, knot of
idlers sitting in front of Jones' varie-
ty store, and half-a-dozen boys COM
pairing notes on the subject of fire
crackers, near the country pump.
Yet no happiness is complete, nor is
there perfect peace, on this side of the
hereafter. Vandyke Brown had already
experienced the crumpled roseleaf OF
his couch. There was a suggestion OF
it's presence in the gloomy look which
he cast toward the further end of the
piazza where a remarkably pretty
young lady sat dividing her time
equally between a hammock, novel
and the Widow Briggs Tommy, aged
fourteen.
Possibly it was the same conscious
ness of the metaphoric roseleaf which
caused Brown to wriggle uneasily in
his char, and then rise rather abrupt
ly, as though to move away. Or pos
sibly the impulse was due to another
cause. For as he thus uprose, so to
his momentary dismay did the chair
adhering with unpleasant tenacity to
his summer trousers. and as his choler
rose so did his color. Particularly
when from the vicinity of the hammock
he heard sound as of repressed
ripple of faint laughter blended with a
loud snicker from Tommy Briggs.
''Guess some of that air soft tar we
was usin' on the pear trees got dropped
accidentally onto the chair-seat," men
datiously suggested Tommy, as soon
as his freckled face had calmed to its
usual expression of artless innocence
But Vandyke Brown. wrathfully
wrenching himself and the chair apart,
started upstairs to his room, where,
after change of garments, he sat for
hours smoking at the open window, a
prey to melancholy and mosquitoes.
He was an overworked journalist of
considerable mental ability, to whom
complete rest and quiet had been en-
joined for season. NERVOUS prostra-
ton" the doctor called it. His appe-
tite was MIL One-half his brain sat up
nights to watch the other half trying
to sleep, and he had no heart for work.
But this last was because he had lost it
to Miss Vanvarre, his fair fellow
boarder.
But, alas, this young lady who had
perfect health not only affected a total
Inconsistencies of the latter symptom,
but with frankness peculiar to her.
self blandly asserted that nerves were
a belief and drugs an abomination.
And when finally she laughingly &C
cused Brown of being slave to
bromides, he was secretly wroth and
answered so sharply that for day or
two GOODNESS had sprung up between
them. Whereby he had also incurred
the enmity of Tommy Briggs, who, be-
ing Miss Vanvarre's avowed cham
pion, strongly resented MIR. Browns
attitude in such ways as his mischiev-
Gus ingenuity suggested. Which
probably accounted not only for the
adhesive episode of the evening, but
also for the discovery, as he prepared
for bed, of two diminutive yet re-
markably lively young mud-turtles,
each the size of trade dollar, between
his bed sheets-startlingly suggestive
for the moment of his exaggerated
fears regarding the possibilities of a
strange bed.
Reassured by second glance, Brown
meekly removed the intruders, reflect
ing that they were in a sense merely a
proof of Tommy's chivalrous devotion
to the object of his own affections.
AS slight sacrifice in the same direc-
ton, he omitted his usual dose of bro
mide and retired.
''Of course l shall lie awake, but ii
won't be to listen to horn-blowing,
pistol firing and the usual we won't
go home till morning chorus" Brown
told himself as he drew the curtains OF
the mosquito bar closely, and with a
firm resolve to apologize tor his surli-
ness in the morning. Brown rather to
his surprise felt himself gradually
drifting into a delicious doze, when
"wH-A-N-G!'
The explosion was directly under his
window, made every pane of glass rat
tie and nearly Jared Brown out OF
bed! And with the smoke Of burning
gunpowder rose the voice of Tommy
Briggs:
load her up ag'in Joe! Three
cheers for Fourth er July and Gen raj
Washin' ton''
Above the rattle of an iron ramrod
in a small swivel Dealed a chorus of