News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-09-01
THE MYSTERIES OF A DAY.
NOTES OF HUMOROUS EVENTS
WORTHY OF RECORD.
Bills i'm a Letter-Artificial Clouds
keeping Up Appearances-Ihe
Conductors Ways A Fierce
Bull, Etc, Etc.

The northwest corner of Texas is call
ed ''The Panhandle, "and there is town
there with the same name, and IN the
town a newspaper in which appears this
notice: "Wanted, Immediately, one
hundred single young women who are
prepared to rough it for time, to come
to the Panhandle and marry our thrifty
Young men who have located on 64O
acres of land, and are now living III dug
outs, tents, and cabins. We can speak
a good word for every one OF the boys;
they are all noble American citizens,
except one, aud he is a little rnfortu-
nate in being the son Of an English lord.
Girls, this is a good chance. Besides
this. married life will beat single bless
edness every time. In few months
time the dugouts will be turned into
cellars. and comfortable houses erected
when the railroads bring in lumber.
THE perversity of conductors is be
coming proverbial, - remarked Il passen-
ger on q traction car the other day. eff
your change is away down in the corner
of an inside pocket they follow you III,
and before you are seated say III n
peevish way, as if you had been keep
ing them waiting ten minutes, Fare,
please. If, on the contrary, they see
the nickel in your fingers when you
get in they will let you ride
half mile holding that fare. When
ever one keeps me waiting I put
the nickel back in my purse, and when
he jumps in on me keep him standing
while l hunt all through my pockets.
I'm bound to get square with 'em some
how"
The interesting statement is made III
the last municipal reports of the corpor
alton of Chelsea, near London, that, con-
traly to what has generally been assum-
ed i'll the relations of occupation and
health, the sewermen of that place show
marvellous health and vitality, nOtwith-
they often spend seven hours
daily in the sewers, often in cramped up
positions, dealing with offensive and
dangerous matter. One of the sewer
men, who is now pensioned off, is eighty
years old, and was II sewerman for
more than twenty eight years; another,
who is yet at work, is seventy-four, and
has followed this occupation more than
thirty years.
''THIs is getting to be an age when
everybody sells everything, remarked
an old gentleman of sedate mien.
"When L was boy one store sold hats,
and if you wanted shirt you had to go
else. Now hat store Will
sell you a shirt, collar, cane, cuff
buttons, and so on. A dry goods store
will sell you a sled OF broom and even
4 set Of dishes, and if you go into
shoe store you will fall over umbrellas.
The funny part of this change to me
lies in the fact that / can remember
when city folks laughed at country folks
because the country store kept every
thing"
AN Albany newspaper says that there
are families in that town who have got
the art of keeping up appearances Re
luced to a science. When they want to
make their neighbors think that they
have gone into the country, they are not
content with the plan of shutting the
'front.' blinds and living in the back Of
5he house. They leave their newspa-
oer' on the front piazza, apparently
neglected but they take them i'll at
1ight and read them, at the same time
the piazza with old papers
or the next days masquerade.
GENERAL Sherman's affability toward
budding beauty, III almost all walks of
life is proverbial in New York city.
One day in Central Park he was walking
near a pretty nurse, who sat writing n
letter at one of the open air tables
Bending over her, the veteran picked up
the half-fnished sheet and turning it
over to a blank page, put his autograph
On it in bold form. The young woman
tore it in pieces before him, and threw
the pieces at his feet, and retired, baff-
ing the General so severely that he
hurried away as fast as she
AN exchange says that artificial clouds |
were recently created for the protection
Of vines from frost at Pagny, on the
frontier. Liquid tar
was ignited in tin boxes and pieces of
solid tar on the ground near the vines. |
Large clouds of smoke arose and pro
-ected the vines for two hours. Although
vines in the neighborhOod were injured
by the frost, all that remained under the
clouds were left uninjured OF course
such procedure can succeed only in
calm weather but it is in calm weather
only that white frOsts occur.
In speaking of a recent defalcation at
the Troy post Office, gentleman said
1T is never safe to inclose an old bill in
an envelope to be sent by mail. Why"
said he, linen who are experts can tell
whether a letter contains money or no;
simply by the sense of smell. If you
will notice an old greenback, it has a
peculiar smell about it than can readily
be perceived, even if it be inclosed with |
IN letter. 1t is better to send regist-
cred letter or a postal note, or, if you
nclose a bill, be sure it is new one.
That will not smell"
AN immense drainage work, under
aiken by the Russian government, CON
templates the recovery of the vast re-
5ion known as the Pinsk marshes, in
5he southwest of Russia, near the bord-
IFS Of Gallicia, and which hitherto has