Morning journal and courier., 1887-04-20
SPICY.

The favorite spice of convicts ought to be
sinnerman.- -Pittsburg Chronicle.
Great deeds must make great men if there
is any virtue in titles to valuable corner lots.
New Orleans Pieayune.
Now that Secretary Whitney's baby is
christened the administration will please go
on.-Somerville Journal.
It is suggested that some of the later Arc
tic explorers are not really looking for the
north pole, but for dates in dime museums
Washington Republican.
Virginia is still hunting around for means
that will enable her to pay her debts at forty
cents on the dollar and at the same time keep
her conscience at Philadelphia Press.
The best modern siege guns cost as much
frst-class church, VIZ: $97, 900; and to
fire of these guns four times would use
up the minister's salary OF $4,000. War is
1pensive.-Marthas Vineyard Herald.
'tNow, you say, Mr.. Kolby, that you stood
outside, and, looking over the fence, saw the
sah.'' Chow tall are you, Kolbya" "Bout
five foot six, sah." ''Then tell me, if you
please, how you could stand and look over a
nine-foot fence" 'sI stood on my tip-toes,
sab. Life.
The new moon.-Little Boston boy (who,
with his mamma, is visiting in New York;
'Oh, mamma, what a little silver of moon
they have here! Why, in Boston it's great
big round moon!' Mamma (complacently)-
Eyes, Waldo; but you must remember that
New York is very different place from Bos-
on."-Puck.
'I have diagnosed your husbands case
carefully, my dear Mrs. Burtly," said the
young physician, 'sand find that he is suf
fering from rheumatism in the pedal extrem-
tiles" ooh, my grief" exclaimed the old
lady in distress 'I didn't know he was SO
tal Tobn coi1 tho Yaoiu w
all in his feet.''
"You don't think that playing cards in
jures the brain, do you, professors" asked
Miss Whistable. tNo," not at all, said the
professor. 'tAnd whya" she asked. ''For
the same reason" said the professor, ''that
chilblains or frost-bite does not hurt the Hot
tentots.' And he walked away before Miss
Whistable could ask him why that was.-
Burdette.
Teacher giving directions for standing
''Stand with your heels together, toes turned
out, making an angle of forty degrees" This
was followed by look of bewilderment on
one boys face. Teacher-''Well, Tim, do
you know what means Do you know what
degree is?" Pupil-''Yes, sir" Teacher
''Whata" Pupil-'Sixty- and one-fourth
miles. s."-Exchange.
''Lost time, said the parson solemnly, lis
lost forever" $50 is anything else that you
lose," said the new boy from Bitter Creek.
ooh, no., replied the pastor; ''you may lose
anything else and find it again" "Then
tain't lost" said the new boy, and somehow
the minister didn't just exactly know how to
go on with the conversation. And yet he
had been warned against that very boy
Burdette.
A Police Analyst.-Country Constable
"Ah! I've been a-watehin' fur yer a many
Sunday afternoons, Matilda Grubbins; and
at last hev catch you a-fetchin' beer after
elosin' time" Matilda Grubbins-"Please,
sir, got the beer afore the 'ouse shet; but
it's that dreful dilooted as feyther sent me
to ask 'em to change it; and please sir, they
won't" G. C.-"Drefful dilooted, is iti
Um, this 'ere's serious charged You'd bet
ter 'and the beer over to me, my little lass,
and go and tell your feyther as Mr.. Wilkins,
the p'leeceman, is hanylizin' hof it very
careful fur Im," disappears around the
corner with the Jug Fun.