National Republican., 1887-12-24
MARRIAGE ENGAGEMENTS.
Some Sensible Advice to Young Women
on the Subject.
[IIarner,a Bazar.l

[IIarper's Bazar
IL Is often somewhat shocking to people
OF middle age, or past that period, to OBJ
serve the nonchalsnce with which far too
many Of the young ladies Of the present
day speak OF their engagements of mar
riage; that is with no shrinking, or hesita-
tiop, or reserve, and, as IL would appear
to the observer, with no delicacy. Aud not
only is II the want Of delicacy that strikes
one, but q want of respect toward the
engagement, n treatment OF it ae II II were
the lightest OF afiaire, without especial sig
nificance unless one pleased, an arrange.
ment for lunch, rendezvous alta recep-
tion, not nearly so serious, indeed, as q
that must be kept, but q part OF the frivoli-
ties OF life, not to be looked at intently or
spoken OF gravely, but entered into half in
prank and frolic, continued as long as
agreeable, and broken as lightly as bubble
a child blows from pipe. The manner,
too, In which these engagements are form.
ca is . source 81 surprise and shock, again,
is convinced that things were not done
so In her young days-the total levity aud
want OF sentiment, the young mans purse
and general ability to provide fine manege
and tquipage having more to do with the
solidarity OF the enterprise than virtue or
personal charm; genial manners, good dane.
Ing, and pleasant temper being enough for
the temporary arrangement, and the tempo.
rary arrangement being tolerably we'll uu-
derstood to be only for the season, tArmina-
bic, like various other copart.ersnips, at
the will Of either party,
But equally is II matter of pain and
trouble to the astonshed observer to notice
the manner in which the engagements are
broken, letters returned, all but tell.tale
few .ome gtfts returned and some retained;
a little romance, little sentiment, as II
just for the PLAYS sake, few tears, under
which the laugh comes sparkling presently,
aud the way is clear for the next aspiraut.
And then the affair is spoken Of as coolly
and openly as any event OF yesterdays
dinner or OF last nights ball-such and
trch thing happened when this young
person was engaged to so-and.so; or no,
was II then, or when she and young This.
and that were so epris with each other
The whole affair Of the engagement is a
glove that has been dropped, flower that
has faded, sstory that Is told.
Now this good middle aged lady who is
locking on at the repetitloDs Of the little
dramt is shocked perhaps no more by one
portion OF 1t than another; the want Of re-
serve is as bad In her eyes as the want Of
faith; the want Of faith no worse than the
want Of reverence. In her eyes a contract
is contract, and her engagement of mar
riege would be binding, according to her
belief, simply as contract; and although
she might find It absolutely necessary at last
that It should be broken, che would reach
that point only after long delay and hest
fancy and reluctance, and never as she
would tear Off faded corsage bouquet and
fling It into the gutter driving
home from the ball. For girl to have
broken an engagement Of marriage is in her
eyes not at all trfling thing, but something
that causes the girl TO be looked at askauce,
either as a person OF unstable mind and
disloyal faith, or as one whose character
has been found wanting by her lover on
further acquaintance. In her day, when
young lady broke her engagement,
or had IL broken for her, she went into re-
tirement for season like q young widow,
and did not brazen 1t out as II she had done
no more than promise to 60 to picnic and
had then thought better OF It.
There seems TO the quiet IL crit cal on
locker a singular profanity about the bust
nets, and she feels this the most in remark
ing the careless way In which the engage
ment is formed, as II one rushed into the
holy Of holies, and without removing the
shoes from ones feet. Better an infinity Of
times, she coDfesses, are all the broken en-
gegements In the world before. hand, than
broken marriage and divorce afterward.
But in her code OF morals there should be
neither. The very idea OF marriage should
be approached with as mnch reverence as
On altar, and the observer feels Il possible
that neither youth nor maiden would ad-
vance so gayly upon the sacred adytum had
he or she any Idea Of the holiness of the
shrine within. In some countries, she re-
members, the betrothal is felt to be
nearly as binding, as formal, ceremonial,
and religious an act as the marriage itself,
as the marriage which, In one form Of re-
ligious belief ut least, Is regarded as sac.
rsment, and In some parts Of our own
country she knows that the affair is so
modestly conducted that an engagement is
never spoken Of until preparations are
making for the wedding, although this may
be going as much too far on the other
side. And while this is beyond the censor's
strictest Idea, she would yet have little OF
the church-going feeling about the maiden's
heart In accepting her lover, and she would
have the affair taken 80 seriously that no
lover would be received as such Just for the
convenience Of the seasons pleasure and at
tendance, Just to lift the reproach from
vanity, or because So.and so had O
lover, but received only when he had come
to stay, and where he was so worthy that
the Intention was TO keen him,