Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-04-10
MR., AND IRIS BOWSER.
an Husbands Find Fault With Their Food
and Of Course Mr. Is. Is No Exception
Detroit Free Press.

and begins:
"Humph! Same old eOrned beef"
Eyes, my, dear; it's the same eOrned
beef YOU ordered as you went down this
morning"
"Oh, il is! / didn't know but 1t was
some | q ordered a year ago! What do you
call these things"
potatoes, Of course"
Potatoes, eh? I'll try and remember
that m And what's this!'
Cabbage, my love-"
'tOh! / didn't know but was woodpulp,
my love! Was this bread made since the
WARP 49,,
CERTAINLY. 1t is only two days old"
"Humph! Buying some poor coffee
again. see! Look at that! That I
looks As if it was dipped out CT a mud
hOler'
.sBut you ordered this very coffee your
self only night before last"
He growls and eats, and eatsand growls,
and I've cot used to it. 1t Is only now
and then that he proceeds to violence. Inc
other day he expressed his forndnesS loi
pumpkin pie, and / ordered the COOK 70
make two or three. We had n brought
on "A suoper, and as soon as MIR. BowseI
| Saw il he sternly inquired:
"What do you call that performance
there? When was it born, and where Is II
going tO?"
"Mr. BOwser, you said You wanted SOM
pumpkin pie
yes"
"Well, here it is, and as good q one a
Won ever ate. / made it myself, aitei
mothers favorite recipe"
"Mrs. BOwser, do you call that a pump
kin pir?"
II do, sir"
sDThen | want to be branded fool! What
do YOU take me for, anyway? DON'T you
suppose | was eating pumpkin pies before
YOU were bOrn?'
why isn't it a pumpkin pier,
''Why isn't a bootleg a boot? Where Is
your other crust?'
'But pumpkin pies never have any up
per crust"
Don't they? Mrs. BOwSer, you can de
ceive the cook, for she is a conhdlng Tor
eigner, and you can stuff most any yarr
down our poor little baby, but don't try tC
bambOozle me. 1t won't work. I'm glad
for your sake that my mother isn't here u
In two days / had n letter from nj
mother, affirming that there was no upper
crust TO q pumpkin pie, and l brought my
own mother over in the flesh as q further
witness, but what did Mr.. Bowser do. bul
IondIy exclaim: ''BOShi You old WOmer
have forgotten half you knew. You are
tbinkin about pudding and milk, you
are. OF course there is no upper crust u
nuddipg and milk, and | never said ther'
was"
He cost me n good girl last week by ont
of his whims. l happened to wonder alou'
during the evening if she had put he
bread to raise, when he promptly inquired
Mrs. BOwser, do you know why breac
raises?"
because Of the yeast"
But why does the yeast expand thu
dough-"
Because it does"
"Exactly. You also live because you live
and that's all you know about 1t! Aot
ought to be ashamed of your ignorance o
natural philosophy. I'll see II the girI
knows any better
He went out and inquired:
Jane, have you put the bread to raise
"Yes, sir"
"Do you expect it TO raise?'
''Of course"
''Wby don't you expect it to iall?'
''Are YOU running this kitchen?' sh'
sharply demanded.
"''Virtually, yes. My object is to Sc
how we'll YOU are posted OF natural PIN
Ilosophy. Why does the bread rise instea'
Of fall?' 4.
because it's a fool, and I'm another 10
staying in a place where a man Is allowed
TO hen-huzzy about the kitchen! I'll leaH'
in the morning.
And leave she did, and all the consola
ton | got from Mr.. BrOwser As be came III
10 dinner was: -,
''It's a good thing she lett. She Nigh
have mixed something together whlct
would have caused our deaths. Come
now, hurry up the dinner
Mr.. BOwser has improved some In Tn,
direction Of taking care OF the baby.
can now lesNa them together as long a
6iteen minutes without fear that ont vii
Kill tue other by trying some experiment
They had been alone about seven minute
the other day while | was upstairs, an
when | came down Mr.. Bowser Seeme'
unite agitated aud whispered TO me:
"T'v~ suspected it all alOng!'
What
/, That u child is somewhat of \ mon
strusityl Look az that!'
And he pointed to the soft spot on ia
|; child's bead where a thrOb could be d.
tected.
Every child has the Same," l reptile
10 a reasuring voice.
: 'NOh! they have, Ell. What infants asy
, lum have you been matron oi? Perhaps
married the mother instead of the daugi
ter! tell you that's a freak OF NATURE
that is, and | shan't be surprised 20 con
E home any day and linda horn beginning
E sproutI'