Sharp County record., 1887-06-16
SCUBALLS FOURTH EPISTLE.
HIGHLAND ARK, June II, 1881

HIGHLAND ARK, June Il, 1887.
DEAR RECORD: | take this method of
informing you that, Notwithstanding the
county Wheel met in our Immediate vi
Cinity last week, my crop is badly in the
grass, and | am correspOndingly depress'
ed, hoping that when these few lines reach
you you may be found in the enjoyment
of the same blessing.
l have been laying off to write you
cute little letter to print in your paper for
some time but have not had command of
my valuable time for many weeks. l
have been somewhat engaged.
Very soon after inditing my last polish
ed and scholarly letter to your paper
grasped the caudal of spirited and fiery
coulter which l held with great GOODNESS
and ntrepidity for several days as it gy-
rated about park-like new ground. Since
then, each day, oftner before the glintlng
sunbeams had glunt athwart the fallow
than otherwise, could have been found
lacerating the glebe with animating fervor
and also with bull tongue plow.
Both hemispheres of my massive and
statesmanlike brain have been held to
their utmost tension, my fine Italian hands
once 50 soft and fluffy, have been laved in
the intensly ardent sunlight of cur glori.
GUS climate until they resemble in color
the golden rind of luscious thanksgiving
pumpkin; my palms, once as cool and
yielding to the touch of town candidate
as the wedding kids Of a society belle, now
by their horny excrescences, bunions,
corns and other vegetables, show unlnis-
taxable signs of honest toll. may add
that they also show the scarcity Of soap
in our neighborhood.
Ever since the inception of the radi.
ant weather, with singleness Of purpose,
sublime to contemplate, have been no Id
ing the handles of rare.ripe, spring bull
tongue, in order to subdue its artful ca
priciousness, while at the same time |
have been extending the advantages of
home culture and the kindergarten to an
inexperienced but very fascinating span
of red, ruSt-proof steers. have been
faithful over few things but the nub of
the idea intended to be conveyed by the
learned author of this epistle is, that, not
witbstanding patience, perseverance and
large capacity for agricultural en-.
deavor, the crop is still in the grass
Isaw your short-born poem entitled
'Fraternal," repablished in the Chicago
Inter Ocean or the Batesviilc Guard, |
am not certain which, but at any rate |
saw it and had a discussion with the
judge about its authorship, He contend
ed that you cut it cut yourself and sent it
up town whore it was fitted up by reg
ular seamstress, while | maintained that
it was invented by one of the many able
poets of Lawrence county. II now seems
that neither one Of US we're correct, for
since reading "The New and Booming
South" there can be 10 dou6t of its hav.
ing been sawed out by John Medey's
mill at Du Sock.
Well Mr.. Editor, rumor has it that Un-
Gle Dave Craig and his wife are married;
also thet DR.. Sam Bacon has had to sue.
cumb to the arrow of the y ,ung man dress
ed in wings, and may be seen almost frc-
quently utilizing his knowledge of surge
ry in the amputatiOn Of ossifed Black
Jack limbs with the dub edged summer
axe, thus adding grotesque beauty to the
anatomy of the village land scape.
told you so. hope it is not too late to
congratulate and encourage these Young
peOplP. marriage Is honorable. Many |
of our ableSt public men are married. |
Some of the most interesting families
Lave ever beon acquainted with, including
some of the fresbest, and youngest children,
were of the families Of married men. Ny
ancestors included many married people,
| am married myself SO is my wife,
Well, our wheel keeps abowling along.
We aim TO put out ticket next year from
president to school director. We think
the times are ripe and will be mellow by
the next election. If we succeed in elect
ing our whole ticket, in squirts the mil
lennium.
Yours little overcropped,
SCUBALL.