News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-10-06
to his death by coming home drunk and
mistaking himself for his pants. =
H-taLin ntnu Etitic
THE SEASIDE LANDLORD

THE SEASIDE LANDLORD.
lie will wear his linen duster
When the winds begin to buster
! And the mercury is getting very low:
He will fan himself with vigCr
Despite the autumn's rgor
| For he hates to have his guests prepare to 90
Until they ask him whether.
| As they shiver all together,
! He doesn't think it looks like snow.
AN UNBUTroNED cHERRrE.
A youngster sat Watching his mother
who was pitting cherries. She had
given him several pitted ones to eat
but finally passed him one without re-
moving the stone He at once handed
it back to her with the remark:
| ''Reres one that youdidn't unbutton,
mamma. = -COlHnbus Dispatch.
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT.
.sNo, Bobby" said 9lis mother, ..on,.
piece of pie is quite enough for you >,
"It's funny" responded Bobby with
un injured air you say You are
anxious that should learn to cat prop-
erly, and yet you won't give me chance
to practise
GOOD LUCK.
ella" said Clara, as they were seat
ed on the veranda of their country
boarding-house, Il went fishing with
Charley this morning"
''Did you? What did you catch e.
81 caught Charley. ". 7. SIM.
"HE woR."
"Has your husband gone to the meet,
ing of the United Sons of Toll {"
''He has, SOr."
"Was he delegated! Z"
eff that's Il high toned wo-l for
drunk, he wor''
FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS.
Young Mr.. Sissy Ito his pretty cousin)
-Aw, [ tell my barber, you know, never
to shave up, always to shave down.
Pretty Cousin-I fail to see how he
could shave anything else but down,
Charley.
THE GOAT.
What makes the goat butt Mary SO:
The eager children cry.
Because it's butt-a-goat Won know.
The teacher did reply.
-Duldh PGr0grdpic'.
HER MODEST WORTH.
Joegs thinks his girl the pride of earth
He pictures her in glowing COiorS.
And loves her for her modest worth
(Said to be thirty thousand dollars(.
THE TROUBLE.
"What is that scratch on your arm,
Jamie p, "Oh | hit wild de cat p was
the unconcemed reply.
ODDS AND ENDS.
The life-insurance system will not be
complete until some plan OF insuring
the life company is perfected.
''THEN YOU don't like hash!'' said the
landlady sternly. ''I don't object to
hash, explained the boarder. cts re-
hash [ kick at"
LADY of the house (1rging company
t. cat)-Please help yourselves. Do
Just rs you would i'll your own house. L
am always so glad when my friends are
at home.
WIFE readine daily papcD-Tom,
what would be the Ecsulf of n prcven-
ton of immigraion Hushand-II
would handicap \ &w Iork for lnr,uiciI
pal officers.
A PREACHER was complaining of the list
lessness and inattcntion of his congre-
cation, when an old Deacon spoke up
and said: "Hungry sheep will look up to
the rack if there is hay in it.
A GEORGIA paper says thai Mr.
of Hancock county. cut a
few days ago, and when
opened it displayed a distinctly formed
''W'' on both halves. This must have
been one of the melons that will ''W''
up.
The late DR.. Bethune once asked
morose and miserly man how he was
getting along The man replied:
''What business is that of yours ?" "Oh,
Sir, am one of those who take an
interest in the meanest Of Coils
creatures.
"WHAT an awful smell of cabbage
said fastidious tenant to the janitor.
[ thought yol assured me that there were
no Irish families in the house.
Neither there are, maam," was tho
reply. That's only the landlord smok-
ing a five cent cigar. '-The J"1J',