Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-03-23
TO MAKE YOU SMILE.

SHINE.
BERT1E-"Pa, Uncle Charles says
YOU have q sluggish temperament.
Pe-"Uncle Charles is right. [ have"
Bertie-"Pa, did ma know you were
slugger when she married you F? "-Ex-
change.
MRS. HAWKINS -"Well, Mary, is my
bath ready?" Mary-"Yes, mum;
all but the hot water, num-" "What
is the matter with the hot water !? .
cit is cowld, mum. st. Louis
Chronicle.
HUNGRY guest-"How is this? |
ordered q sUeak and a poached egg. |
see the egg, but where is the steak"
Table attendant-"Dat'sa alright,
De steak am under de egg. ''-Chlcago
Rambler.
We chronicled last week about q
queer combination In business. Mr..
+. II. Pentecost is now selling toilet
articles and guano. You can now
E'fume" according TO your TASTE
Gwinnett (Ga.) Herald.
IT is a fact that we import more
hens eggs than fish from Canada.
There is more poaching OF these same
eggs, too, than poaching by marine
fishermen, and Canada hasn't said q
word.-Ch1cag0 Tribune.
TRUST him little who praises ali;
him less who censures all, and him
least who is indifferent to ell. In fact,
don't trust anybody if you can get
ready money.-Shoe and Leather Re
porter.
PROSPECTIVE PURCHASER = "How
much do you ask for that marine
yiew?" Artist-"Four hundred dol
lars" Prospective Purchaser-"That
is cheap enough. I'll takeit." Artist
-"What kind of tea will send up
with it ?''-Tid- Bits.
"LEl1D me g. tennah, Jinks. -" What
faw?" "Why to spend, of cawse."
"Hav. guess not. [ can spend it
lust as we'll meself." "Lend it to me
to Keep then" off I lent it to you
it would be to keep, deah boy. Awsk
me an easiaw one. Town Topics.
POLICE Magistrate-"P Prisoner at the
bar, have you any children?" Prisoner
mo, Your Honor" 2. M.-"Why
not?" Prisoner-"Well, I am not
married" P. nj. (who hates B. giggle
at his expense) -"That' very forum
ate for your wife" -Boston Beacon.
81 RECEIVED a lot of rejected manu-
scripts to day." said Titmarsh to a
friend. did you? had no idea
YOU had an ambition to shine as an
author" "Not exactly that. You
see, my girl and quarreled, and she
returned all my letters. New York
SUn.
A GIRL from Canada has brought
action against q man in Burlington,
VI, because he kissed her in the street.
AS Canadian authorities object to
American schoouers and sloops, it is
right, of course, that patriotic Cana
dian girls should dislike American
cks.-Philadelohia North Amer
lean.
AGATE concert singer who has caught
cold asks his doctor if it is true that
fresh eggs clear the voice and favor the
production of sound. 81 am of that
opinion" replied Esculapius with i'm
perturable serenity. "Look at the
hens themselves; whenever they lay an
egg they immediately begin to sing"
French Fun.
LEVI and Marks were playing poker.
The former sat iu splendid luck. He
won SO on three trays, and g. $50
jackpot on g. pair Of aces. Marks
stood the drain as long as he could,
and then said: Weeping Rebecca!
Levi, I'd rather have your luck than
q license to steaI."-Brooklyn Union.
ga FELLOW told me, ZONES, you
hugot not to say fool in the pulpit
why / answered, that's the given
name Of half my crowd. | couldn' t
get along without it, ''-(Sam Jones
in Boston. After this, is there any
wonder that Boston culture has not
Endorsed the Reverend Samuel?-
Baltimore American.
VOICE from the head OF the stairs
stMary, has the morning paper come
YETI" Mary (~ho has just begun to
say goodbye to George) shall
/ answer him, my dear?" George
ssTell HIM, of course, the paper hasn't
come yet, as We are Just goingto press
now"
THE Bushnell (Ill.l Record, We are
panied to observe, discourages the
outgushings Of native genius by in
serting IN it's table of advertising rates
the following: OBITUARY poetry, Sc
lected, 10 cents per line; original,
1915 per line, cash IN advance. Chi
cago Tribune.
WIFE (head out OF second-story
window is that you, John Smith %
Husband lat front door)-"Yesh, M
dear" Wife-"Well, say chrysanthe-
mum, or you don't get into the house
tonight" Husband (herolcally)-
s@Ch-chran-sy the-mum, M dear"
Vile (oanging down the window
"Good night. New York Sun.
CHICAGO Matron-What a good girl
YOU seem to have. Omaha Matron =
Yes, she is an excellent one. Don't
YOU have good girls In Chicago ?" 81
had one once VINO was just perfect and
I despair OF ever finding as good a one
again" How did you happen to
lose her?'' ''Oh, she was a
little weak minded, and ran Off with
my first husband"
A BOLD game-'There is a gentle
man Ia the anter room, SIR" said the
railroad presidents secretary, "who