Sharp County record., 1887-02-10
SCUBALLS THIRD EPISTLE.
HIGHLAND, ARK. Feb. 5, 1887

HIGHLAND, ARK, Feb. 5, 1887.
EDITOR RECORD: If you will muzzle
the waste basket or tie Eer in the back
yard short while. will entertain your
small but select list of subscribers with
an item or two from this place.
have just returned from trip over
in the edge of the great eastern alluvi-
un. I passed through Portia few days
agn Portia is on Buncombe ridge. Y You
w uld not suppose that it was on or even
nedr ridge, to be there and look at the
la9Sof tbs :and; but it is. The Oldest in
ha Jitant will tell you so, and would go
AMI show you the imaginary line where
th, bottom is supposed to cease and the
ridge to begin, if the water was low
en- ugh.
While resting on the roadside between
PC rita and Powhatan l observed vast
crowds of people vending their way in
the direction of the latter town. Determin-
ed to ascertain the cause of such vast
;peregrination in the same direction, !
biaed my time until opportunity offered,
and hailing an elderly gentleman,
wearing coonskn cap and comforter
ar .und his neck, and an extra large,
maroon -colored holiday liver buckled to
his diaphragm, asked him the cause OF
such vast throng, aud he Informed Inc
that the merchants over at town were
receiving and opening their spring and
summer styles of crop-mortgages and the
country was afraid that they would not
ho.1 out.
Uncle Jim Horsely is not married yet,
but he looks Starchy and sleeps with one
eye open.
Judge Porter's wheat drill has not had
the bots, rs was reported by the Hardy
correspondent of the Globe Democrat.
Well E kanah, our wheel continues to
rotate. wish you and Brother McCrack'
Ell could have been with us at our last
meeting. it was All tcstatic transport OF
delight from the time we put Oh our
go;geous regalia until we doused the re-
splendent chandelier. The scene was one
of Intoxicating voluptuousness through
out. Every mind was aglow with the
Importance of the occasion. The Object
of the meeting was to exhaustively dis
GUS and finally settle the scientific cause
of the gaseous propensity of the convul-
vulous eduiis, and to remove the harass-
ing issue as to whether its tubers were
fasccular or soboliferous forever from
the politics Of the state The recherche
auiience was electrified, if not convinced,
When it comes to rhetoric, elocutlon
VIZ ltiE ealosgga. hoegs ssesyerpl ssye members IN
sanguinary fields of many political CAM
paigns in Sharp county. One of our
members in particular, who is well known
in Hookrum, having declaimed the very
socks off of one of your most logical
reasonerS III recent campaign, is not
everse to elocutionary conflict now; and
mak the prediction, in the next cam
paisn be will maintain the reputation he
has so justly won Of being regular
froIt-geared, automatic, twine binder
candidate for the legislature, with cy-
clole in his mouth, lightning in his eye
an( a double. .geared blizzard in eachof his
yes pockets. The coming man is coming
from the broad acres Of Nubbin Ridge.
Say, is there any law or medicine that
va know of that will make postmaster
baave himself? don't want to admin.
iser violent dose of either, bat Just
epugh Of either the one OF the other to
rsber simmer him down, soothe him and
col him off to such a temperature that
the common people can app - 1iin1
and tell him mildly but firmly, how ne
oueht to act; to convince him if possible
that it was not the intention OF the great
father at Washington, in thrus.lng the
ost-office with all its honors thick upon
him. to overwhelm him with the extra
duty with over monSeying with the ,peo'
ple's mail, Something is going to nave
to be done.
wonder if the legislature is in session.
If it is, will you suggest to that very
august but useless body the necessity OF
some legislation on the subject OF ground
bog day? Some say that it is February
I'd; others contend that it is the l4tn,
and the matter has been discussed by the
nress and in learned circles until the
ground hog is in dilemma about 1t, ana
the consequence is the weather is too un.
settled at times and rather stationary at
other times. You will remember thas
some years ago, after a question OF
ortboepy, involving the name OF our be-
loved state, had fatigued several OF our
learned men until they had night-sweats,
had annoyed the Eclectic and historical
o:o.;on of T;ttla Rock. until some OF
their members had conpiption fits, and
harassed the Gazette and Democrat un-
til il they lost crop, how easy the legisla, 9i ;,
ture BY concurrent resolution ,t SAID IT
should be Ar-kan-sa, and how it became
almost universally Or-kin-saw. Wen,
now, they can as easily and etfectuaIiy
settle ground hog day, and they SHOULD % ar,
do it, so that we might know just when
to look for good weather to SOW fodoer
seed and set out whiffle trees.
Yours, well fabricated,
SCUBALL.