The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1887-06-10
VARIETIES,

The seeds of our punishment are sown
at the time we commit the sin.
If you want to see wild cat, simply
| hold up the domestic article by the tail.
Labor digraces no man unfortunately
you occasionally find men who disgrace labor.
1t is only another illustration of the law
OF compensation that women advanced in
views are apt TO be behind in the fashions.
The author of "Home Sweet Home"
never had home, and George Macdonald,
who has eleven children, is the author of
ANNALS of Quiet Neighborhood."
Some one once said that care killed cat.
What we want TO know is the exact locality
where a goody quantity of the care above
referred to can be procured at any price.
Distracted mother-"Robbie, do YOU
give the horse to Gertie, if she wants it. I'm
tired of this noise" Gerlrude-"Yes, any,
thing to keep me quiet"
1t never was intended that man should
be perfect on earth; the great thing is not
never to miss the bulls eye-but to get lit
tie nearer TO it every time
"A little girl in the primary school was
asked to tell the difference between the words
"foo" and "feet." She said, "One feet /, a
foot, and whole lot of foots is feet"
-Sorrowful child TO the pastor-"Mr. B.,
mother sent me to tell you that father is
dead" Pastor-"Is he? Did you call
a doctorG" Child-"No, sir; he just died of
himself"
IF my dog doan' bite anything" ex-
planned Gratot avenue saloonst" "eafery-
pody say he vas no good. If he bites some
pody, den eafrypody says he must be killed.
Seemste me dot dog doan get some fair
show"
Young man Tin Park Row coffee and
cake saloon)-" Waiter, wants beefs.eak,
unpeeled potatoes, and a couple of eggs fried
on one side only" Waiter (vociferousy)-
coat on" an 1.-TWO white wings with the sun
ny side up"
An lrshman was accused of stealing q
handkerchief of fellow traveller, but the
owner, on finding it, apologized to Pat, and
said that twas mistake. "Arrah, me Jewell"
retorted Pat, "it was q two-sided mistake,
you took me for thafe, and took you for
a gentleman"
1t seems that a lawyer is something of a
carpenter. He can file bill, split hair,
chop logic, dovetai an argument, make an
entry, get up case, frame an Indictment,
empanel jury, put them in box, nail a
client and other like things.
"A scientist is responsible for the state
ment that hair around the mouth impars the
mental faculties. He says all great orators,
statesmen, ministers and lawyers wear a
smooth face. These discoveries were pro-
badly made after the scientist had used up
half lifetime in unsuccessful attempts to
raise moustache.
An Irlshman writing to his wife, who
was still in "ould Ireland" began his letter
by making the following surprising state
ment: Its a foine country, Bridget, an
no mistake. I've this day put phwat they call
an inshoorance on me loife, an if I'd fall
down ladder wild me hod an break me neck
to morrow, begorra an I'd get $25 a wake as
long as I'm dead. It's foine country
that's phat it is"
An Englishman once asked a son of Erin
II the roads in Ireland were good. Pat re-
piled: "Yes; they are so fine that wonder
you do not import some of them into Eng
land. Let me see-there's the road 10 love,
strewed with roses; to matrimony, through
nettles; to honor, through the camp to
prison, through the law; and to the under
takers through physic." Have you any
road to preferment ?" asked the Englshman.
YES, faith we have but that is the dirtiest
road in the kingdom"
Husband in ?" asked the assessor cheer
fully. "No," answered the woman, che isn't
home" Expecting him soon ?n asked the
assessor. "Well," the woman replied,
thoughtfully, II don't know exactly; I've
been lookn' for him seventeen years, and he
hasn't shown up yet. You travel around
good deal, and if you see man who looks as
though he'd make me pretty good husband,
tell him I'm still a-waitin' and send him along.
Hows your wife :" But the assessor wrote
something in his book and without speaking
slid softly away, with the cautious haste of
man walking over thin place in the ice.