The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1887-10-16
PRICE FIVE CENTS.

of 4 woman at washtub. and assure you that
half an hour day at this delightful work Will
give you n health and bloom second to wash
erwoman in the land" Did that recommend it
to modish favor7 Not at all. 1t condemned it
Instantly. Fifth avenues bellies would prefer
even tho blush of rouge to that of simula ting
washerwoman's labor.
Ignorance of the chemistry Of cosmetics some
times leads to embarrassment Some of the
bogus blooms are made Of materials that will
change color under certain conditions. Belva
Lockwood. once the women's candidate for
President, discovered this peculiarity in q COM
pound which had been sent to her for trial.
have il from an eyewitness that she was at
Mount Clements, Mich. lecture tour, and
was to appear in the evening before . critical
audience. To save time, she made up her face.
neck and arms in the afternoon intending to
wear decollete rig on the platform. Then she
strolled around the place. and visited the sui
phur springs. 1t occurred to her that
a sulphur bath would be refreshing, and
she determined to sacrifice the makeup. Sho
went in, and when she came out she was
colored a purplish black It wouldn't come Of:
vigorous scrubbine only reduced her neck from
full -blooded Congo to mulatto color. Powder
lent ehassy paor 70 neI faes sa sh ana rss TSs
lecture WAS delivered, but the now bloom didn't
get an Endorsement similar calamity befe!l
the prettiest girl at White Sulphur Springs last
season. She used some cream to give that mar
bic whiteness SO generally admired by partners
in the waltz. A sulphur bath dyed her o royal
purple and she had 10 invent ali sorts of In
eenious fbs to account for her close confnemens
to her room. In her frantic attempts to remove
the stain she wore OFF patches OF skin and en-
dured much torture.
Some old doctor of divinity wrote book en-
titled ..How TO Choose Wife, The rules that
the dear old man laid down would work well in
buying Christmas turkey. but tho essayist
knew little of the intricacies Of the female char
actor. or he would have realized how easy it was
TO simulate the attributes which he considered
necessary for perfect wife! Tenderness is one
of the virtues that any stony -hearted coquettc
can affect. The ancient divine had evidently
waited for lady to dress, for he mentioned the
desirability of expedition in the matter OF the
toilet. once knew girl who would go to her
room at 2 O'Clock and make every preparatioa
for elegant street attire-all but putting on her
hat That was because at she going to
drive with An ancient adorer whom she wanted
to catch. Over all her paraphernalia she put q
touching'loose wrapper. William Henry would
arrive.
..Oh! my goodnese!D would cry the deceitfu1
fair one II didn't dream it was so late, but Ill
be ready in one minute"
Then, to the surprise and delight Of the gem
tieman. she would return in no time, putting on
her gloves, and he would subsequently, tell his
friends that no girl who ever lived could dress
as quickly as his Mary Ann. He married her,
and during the honey moon he discovered the
fraud. The nero crimpnc OF the expeditions
dressers hair was the business of an hour.
Beware of the girl who speaks dsrespect-
fully to her mother, or harshly to her little
brother, says Pa Penracost. Mr.. Beau must
board in the family to get at the true inward
ness of Maria's temper.
.Mother dear, wont Won step hero minute
please?" sings out the gentle daughter, and when
the weary old lady shuts the door on the admir-
ing swain, who sucks his cane on the parlor
sofa. he doesn't hear the sweet girl say:
'Now. ii you haven't ironed me collar, you
just run down stairs quick you know how.
he coming. You're enough to provoke .
saint"
Then the gentle sister says to little Tommy
before conpany: Here, you blessed baby.
come with sissy and get some cookies and she
finishes the sentence in the. pantry: Now
choke yourself. you little boast II you dare
your ears off the minute Mr. Pratt goes away"
and Tommy steals around and begs Deacon
Pratt never to leave the premises as his life
depends on his staying.
II were a young man seeking life partner,
1 would Introduce the girl of my heart to a
score of actors. / would give her fiirtatious
proclivities wide opening It is awful
thing for man to marry and learn that his
pretty little wife will sit beside him and smile
and frt with Tom, Dick and Harry. 1
them in theaters, and cars, concerts and con-
greeations. It is good plan to examine Marias
mother pretty closely in many ways before COM
initial. The condition of the old lady will let
you into the treatment she has received. and il
you want to know how your Dulcinea will pan
out in ten OF twenty years from date. inspect the
exterior of Mrs. Del Toboso Beauty is but
skin Deep" but alas, mankind is more given to
top dressing than to the solid treasures beneath
the surface, and the pretty. frivolous girls
chances are ten to one against that excellent
woman who has eyes. friend of mine
was engaged to q fne-looking girl whose peculiar
formation of face was condoned by the freshness
of youth and the glow of health. The lady's
mother was in the country, but one day she got
home and Jeremiah lifted up his voice in lameu-
tation. The projecting chin of his lady love,
with the bewitching dimple, was q horrible jaw
to contemplate the mother rin-law. The
aouiline and delicate nose of the fair girl was
smeller formidable to anticipate as poke0 into
his domestic arrangements
''Shes terror" said he to me. ''She looks
like nut-cracker. To think of that and
chin the next pillow for the rest OF
my life is enough to make me swear I'll never
go to bed"
an, fully prepar ed for a breach of promise
suit against jeremiah, but If the old lady testi-
fies in person any twelve men will bring in
jeremiah justiiable
A fractions. nervous temperament ia denoted
by a lanky lean person. The aesthetic lass who
can wear um mbrela cases for dress sleeves is apt
to be sour and cranky. AS woman grows
older, comfortable, jolly embonpoint is
ducve to good looks There is an algebraic
beauty about Susan B. Anthony, but whoever
visits womaus Is parliamentary convention, with
a variable cutoff and full head of steam, will
see how superior the plump and pleasing Mrs.
Elizabeth Cady Stanton is aud realize how she
became to be Mrs. and why Susan will be
Miss to the end of tho chapter.
CLARA BELLE.
One of Aimees Funny Stories.
f,l;