St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1887-12-05
A QUIET ROAST.
The Oil City Derrick Gently HOSTS
Minneapolis in the Air.

We are in receipt of very able docu-
ment, prepared in Minneapolis, inQuir-
ing with considerable feeling why the
next Republican national convention
may not be held in that city. Grand
father Lickshingle was hunted up by a
Derrick reporter and interviewed on
this question, some very interesting
facts being developed. Il have no
doubt" said Grandfather. that Mime
apOlis feels somewhat sighted because
been held in that flOurishing city. but
there are reasons for it. The climate
is at the bottom OF the whole trouble.
Warm political work is out of
the question in Minneapolis climate.
Way back in the seventeen hundred
and something we tried our best to hold
a convention there. and the whole as
Semblage of great statesmen frOZe III
their seats. We got no further than the
nomination for permanent chairman
when every one had to Succumb to the
cold. No, we did not all die. Some of
US were carried to our hotels by strong
men with ice hooks and thawed out.
Hannibal Hamlin and John Sherman
were the hardest to thaw out, for the
reason that when these two gentlemen
are frozen stiff they are in their normal
condition and want to be left alone. 1t
is so cold in Minneapolis that house
keepers never expect to get any but
frozen eggs and you can sell china nest
eggs as readily as amy other kind. |
had nephew up the who made for
tune by selling china eggs at so cents a
dozen and gathering them up in the
back yard next day for nothing. 1t is
often so cold in that country that you
can walk along the street and knock off
the tails of dogs with your cane, as if
they were icicles. This is the reason
that nine out of ten of the Minneapolis
dogs are bOb-tailed.
'sThe first time l visited Minneapolis
/ was struck with the number of bob
tailed dogs, and concluded at once it
would be a good place to breed dogs
that had tails. | reasoned that so many
bob-tailed dogs must naturally become
monOtOnouS, and it wasn't long until l
had dog farm in high state of cult
walton. On account of the popularity
a dollhouse. raised the dogs all right.
but the first time sent them out for
exercise | was a ruined man, for my
fine-haired, dollhouse pups came back
with not enough tail in the whole pack
to make steering apparatus for jack
rabbit. You can see yourself that this
is no place for political convention.
l undertook once to keep hotel in
Minneapolis, and could have kept
the hotel all right, but l
could't keep the cooks because | would
not allow them to bake buckwheat
cakes and such like with their mittens
on. These are the only reasons l have
for opposing Minneapolis as the place
for holding the next Republican ma
tional convention. like the town. 1t
is pushing, booming place. 1t is also
wide awake. But as to this it has to be,
for to fall asleep in such climate means
a painless, but entirely successful and
permanent death. There are no flies in
Minneapolis, for obvious reasons. When
l was running my hotel imported some
fine, large, steel-blue house flies from
Louisville so as to make it more hotel
like; but l couldn't keep 'em. Lost
no money on 'em, though, for as fast as
they froZe to death sOldered darning
needle to 'em and sold 'em for 50 apiece
for scarf-pins. Great curiosity out
th are