The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1887-10-27
THE COIN OF SOCIETY.
A Comprehensive Definition of the Mystery
of Good breeding.

all-pefvading Is that lovely thing we
call good breeding. As subtle ard as
indescribable, but by no means frag-
rant, is its ungaiDly opposite. Keenly
conscious of the absence of the former,
but unable to exactly specify and de-
fine when present, we know and feel.
but can not analyze nor tabulate-save
in cases of exceptional sweetness and
refinement, when we can touch the ex-
action and repeat the commanding
word which governed all So with i'll
breeding. We can scarcely say where
il was unless the demeanor was as deep
as we'll and as wide as church door;
but there it was, and we felt and knew
whether we were able to define it or
not. No one can describe discord nor
harmony. So with the mystery of good
breeding-the subtle harmony and
passing flavor of true politeness. 1t is
heard in an intonation-an infection
in the choice of one word over another
seemingly its twin. but with just that
difference of application. rather than
meaning, which creates the es-
sence of good breeding. The
almost microscopic recognition of
stranger-the specialized attention
of an unobtrusive kinds its evidence;
The careless neglect of an apparently
insignificant form is its death-warrant.
To be the only stranger in a room full
of intimates and to be unintrOduced and
neglected is an act of ill-brceding
specially Britannia. IL by chance one
more kind-hcarted to begin with, and
more polished by friction to go on with,
takes pity on the poor social waif and
stray. and oif.r any attention or reels
OF the thread of conversation, that
person has this marvellous charm we
call good breeding. in which all the rest
have been deficient. When you enter a
room and are presented to the hostess
her reception of you proves her good
breeding or her bad. The way her chill
dren meet you-the way in which, at
any age beyond the meresU babyhood
they speak and hold themSelves-is so
eloquent of their gentle training or un-
gentle a. is a correct accent or pro-
vincial No idiosyncrasy mars the real
essence OF good breeding. and all the
excuses made for lapScs and LESSONS are
futile. A wcli-bred person may be as
shy as hawk and her limbs may be as
awkwardly hung together as so many
crooked sticks badly pinned. All the
same her good breeding will be evident,
and neither her shyness nor her awk-
wardness will tell against it. Though
it costs her the well-knOwn
agonies to sustain a connected
conversation, and though by the
very fact of her shyness her brain will
run dry, she will sustain it with the
most consummate pOliteness, if not al
WAYS with the most hawless huency.
She will put restraint on herself and
talk her best. bad as that best may be,
because she is versed in the art and mys-
terry of good breeding. and thinks of
others rather than herself But an ILL
bred person. if shy, is simply boorish.
and makes no trouble to conquer the
dumb demon within him. bat gives way
to it and lets it conquer him at its
pleasure. You feel that the excuse
made for hlm-or her-by those who
want to smooth over asperities with
varnish-that excuse of being so
"dreadfully shy is no excuse at all,
For you know by experience how sweet
and anxious to be supple and at ease
for all the pain it costs her-can be that
well bred bundle of nerves and fears,
who is as timid rs a hare and ~ sensi-
tive rs a mimosa, but also who is rs
thoughtful for others rs the bOor is dis
regarding.
Good breeding is the current coin of
society. He who is bankrupt therein
ought not to take rank with the rest.
The defaulting Lombard had his bench
broken in full conclave, and was chased
out of the street where his better en-
tlowed brethren carried on their busi-
ness. What the old money-changers
and money-lenders did with their de-
faulting members society ought to 90
to the ill-bred-to the people who OPP
pose all you say for the mere sake of
opposing you, and not for any thing
approaching to principle; who contra
dict you fatty, and do not apologize
when they are proved in the wrong;
who tell you home truths of y bilious
complexion and vinegar aspect; who
repeat ill-natured remarks made in their
presence, or repeated to them. making
YOU feel that you are scorned and
despised You know not why, and vilified
without the chance given you of self
Justification; who abuse your known
friends, and ascribe to them all the sins
of tie Decalogue; who brutally attack
YOUR known principles in religion,
morals, politics; who sheer -: your
cherished superStitions and fall foul OF
Your confessed weakGeSSel; who take
the upper hand of you generally, not
counting YOUR suscep:ibilities as worth
the traditional button. Such people as
thcse-and there are many of them
incorporating as ladies and gentlemen
of good position and irreproachable
credential5-but no matter what their
lineage nor fortune they should be
cashiered; and society would be all the
sweeter and more wholesome for the
want of them. Contrast these spiny
hedgehogs, these aggressive thorn
bushes. these singing mosquitoes and
ramping tarantulas with their oppO-
sites-the well-bred and gentle folk
who never wound you. never tread on