davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
National Republican., 1887-02-10

~ KURTZ JOHNSON. AL. JOHNSON.
IL. JOHNSON BROTHERS.
In addition to our uneQualed facilities for
supplying families throughout the District Of
Columbia with
COAL AND WOOD,
We arenow prepared to supply consumers with
co Il
Direct from the Washington Gaslight Com
pany's Works with prOmptness and dispatch.
NO CHANGE IN PRICE OR TERMS.
Orders will continue to be received at the
office of the Washington GRslight Company
and at the works of the company.
Also for Coke, Coal, and Wood by direct Or
MAIN OFFICE:
No. 1909 + street northwest.
BRANCH OFFICES AND YARDS:
1915 Seventh street northwest.
l740 Pennsylvania avenue northwest.
22l Pennsylvania avenue southeast
1l2l Ninth street northwest
COS Pennsylvania avenue northwest.
Corner Third and X streets northwest.
WHARYES AND RAILROAD YARD
Twelfth and Water streets southwest,
N. B.-Liberal terms will be made with all
dealers in fuel in the District of Columbia.
WE ARE DELIVERING CRUSHED COKE TO
ANY PART OF WASHINGTON
OR GEORGETOWN
40 Bushels for 50 20.
70 Bushels for So 80.
COKE NOT CRUSHED
40 bushels for y 30.
25 Bushels for s200,
National Republican., 1887-02-10
tram ana Provisions.

Washington Stock Exchange.
The following list OF the most active stocks dealt
In on the Wellington Rtock Rxchnugc 10 furnished
by Messr. Bell Co., bankers, No. 1887 Pennsyl-
yenip avenue.
National Republican., 1887-02-10
MEDIOIL.

DEAFNESS lis ns% s%asSs' sSd saS! Sna
essful CURE at your own home by one who
was deaf twenty.eight years. Treated by most
of the noted specialists without benefit Cured
himself in three months, and since then hun.
dreds of others. Full particulars senton appli.
cation. I. s. PAGE, No. Al West 3lst ST., New
York City. oo2ltuthsW6mo
, 1887-05-04

This was II little heavy for most
of the audience. but the front row
said "Hoo,hoo" in unanimous APP
pIause, The great wave of enthusiastic
Iaudation resounding like the boom
OF a giant powder cartridge exploded
in a sewer. This finished what was
regarded as the English portion ofllis
speech, lie apoIogized for his En-
glish by stating that after his fellow
patriots had overturned the Govern
ment they would all learn English,
and presumably read the American
Constitution, which they voluntarily
swore to support when they asked
the privilege of becoming pimples on
the American body polite. He then
proceeded in Germen, ereutly to the
delight of the citizens who did not
speak English, and exciting to an
ecstasy Of enjoyment a pale %lunatic
who Icpned over the railing and con.
%tinuaIIy waved his hand, and another
in the second row, with spectacles,
who wa. in Il perpetual sthte Of deliri-
on< hoo.hoos.-N. \, Times. S april.
, 1887-05-04
Publication.
$4,000

Belonging to divers public funds I'M
St. Thomas will be lent on legal
security in real estate in st. Croix,
in such a manner that either the
whole amount or a part thereof
may be had.
Applications for such loau to be-
addressed to- the Government of the
Danish West India Islands.
Further information will be given
in the Government Secretary's Office,
st. Croix.
Applicants from St. Thomas will
have tire preference.
Government secretary's Office, st. Croix,
Goth April 1887.
VAN BRAKLE!
, 1887-05-04
yours tIul.,,
PLANT or JOHANN MOST.
He RELATES HIS WOES AT THE
COOPER UNION.

80 49,
COOPER Mo
That windy e%vnneeI Of the mo
God, no soap" party-Johann Most
mounted the platform at Cooper
Union last evening IN che presence Of
"a motley crowd of curiosily-impclled
strangers, good natured Germans,
hertle browed Anarchists, and bah
ling crankS, numbering in all about
5000 prople. Among them were
80 policemen in cilizAns' clothes and
is officers in uniform, but no laws
were violated except those OF English
grammar.
The ceremonies were begun by a
short Hebraic gentleman, with pa
renlhetical legs and an uncomfortable
prejudice against The English tongue.
lie talked sonr vernacular fora time,
The audience gaping in doubt as to
whether he WIS selling shoe strings
or d%cnouncius the order of creation.
lie finally stuck on . polysyllablc
and grew hInck in the face, his place
being taken by II fai little German,
who pra,tIed in his native tongue
until lie grew as red as a boiled lob
/. ster ind blew mp. Some brass inslru-
ments then yawned di%scordantly, and
Herr Most appeared.
AS he came down The platform
with the impress of a great purpose
on his face, a thrill of honest pity
a through the front ROY of Anarch-
lists. He was clean--horribly, pain-
fully clean. The soap of Blackwelfs
Islnnd had done its deadly work, and
, 1887-05-04
Bekjendtgjorelse
o


Iilhorende fOrskjelIige offentIige
Ponds paa St. Thomas kan erh0ldes
tilIaans imOd lOvbefalet Sikkerhed
i taste Eiendomme paa ST. Croix
under Et eller i mindre Dele;
Andragender ON Liam STILES til
GOnvernementet for de dansk-vest.
indiske Ger. Nmrmere underret-
ming meddeles i Gouvernements
Sekretariatet, st. Croix.
Andragero fra ST. Thomas Vile
have Fortrinet.
Commencement is Sc retariatet, st. Croix,
den 26de April 1887.
VAN BRAKLE.
Translation.
, 1887-05-04
10 the Editor of the est. Cyoj1 Aris.
Doar Mr. Editor

TO the Editor Of the "St. C1OtG Arts.
Dear Mr.. Editor,
Allow me through this medium to in
form equity Why ONE of the Gallery
Politicians what a gift for coming appel
lations y disappeared. They repaired to
their respective places of business, being
we'll aware of the all important fact that to
neglect ones business is to 90 on the high
road to ruir-or otherwise TO leave the
helm of the Bark Occupation to itself it
will naturally drift about and finally on
some coral reef Of neglect become IA total
wreck.
o equitable equity! How unfortu-
nate that you were forgotten at our cleo
iion the other day certainly a man of
such bright parts and plenty of time might
have afforded great satisfaction to his col
leagues in our Legislative Body. Are you
set ''diametricaly opposed to the wei
meaning and wholesome advice given you9
Retire 10 that distance, and come again IN
the future 1890, when the Lion will he
more passive and quietly lie down With
the Lamb.
Until then, farewell.
yours tIul,,
VERAClTY.
ChriStiansted, 3rd May 1887.
This correspondence must now be Goa.
sidered as cloSed.-ED.
, 1887-05-04
NOTICE..

US it is my intention to leave the
i1) island early in the present
month, I must ask my friends and
former customers kindly to settle
their accounts as soon as possible,
IN order to enable me to meet my
obligations.
st. Croix, May End 1887.
u Sd 81 IT I. PETERSEN.
, 1887-05-04
To the Editor Of the /" st. Croi" Avis

In avis of sOth April 1887 your cores
pondent equity gives me the lie. | will
not now say to which of us this epithet is APP
plicable, we are known in public.
I nowt turn to where he says an "attack was
made on a gentleman by a mob etc" Now
Mr.. Editor, if this gentleman would stay at
home and attend to his business instead of
wasting his time on the Kings Wharf, it
would be more to his benefit and would pre-.
vent any further attacks being made on him
by a mob of gallery politicians"
Yours truly
HOMO.
, 1887-05-04

gathered in many a martyrs prison
in Europe, had all Disappeared under
the vandal touch Of The bathing mp
paratus Of this tyrant municipality.
In the metallic subsoil of his manly
face a brindle beard has taken root
and Herr Most is changed. Time
was when Johann looked only like a
head moulded in soft clay which had
been banged against a wall. Now,
however, he has the softer and more
woOing outlines OF q Honolulu cocoa
nut on which features have been
>cfapcd by u malignant foe of the
human race. Herr Most now looks
like the pictures Of ideal manhood
which are drawn on the States in
primary schools, only more so or most
so MS The case may be.
The poor man WINS sometimes
laughed Al and sometimes piIicd in
his weak, silly h~arangue. When he
began on his troubles in The Island
the audience ronrcd, He said:
obey pud CLOTHES on me like a
Fhccarrcrow. Groans. Dey trofe me
to work. [Murmurs of deep sympathy.
Dey shated ne vunce a week nit Il
plunt raser. Laughter Dey pud me
in a monkeys cacbeund fed me init pig
shvill, und don'd led me sPe nobody
und wride no leddcrs und noding.
Groans and cheers.
Herr Most does not appear TO have
been faycurably impressed with the
hotel arrangements. He strongly
objected to. the pernicious and illogi-
caI principle of equality which pre-
vale there. He said That in his ca
rcer as a public nuisance he had
spent eight years of his life in Jail
aud had never been treated with so
little consideration MS on his last trip.
They pat him in 7 by - cell, where
he had nobody to mike speeches
to, and he remained there surrounded
only by his " language until he
became deathly sick.
obey efcn trote ME to der wash
blaice,' he said, and paused. " ords
could do no more.
As lie hobbIed about the stage like
a damaged Jack in-the-box some of
his sentences struck 10 the very root
of oar system of Government, Here
is Il root striker:
GA zozicty vot cur6ails g%onsumb-
Shun nv der mass off der beehIe in
der zamc ratio vot dcir broductif
bower INCREASES i<S by dis zergum-
sdans alone condemned TO suggumb
to It's own gonsekvenzes in der
shdorm und shdrcss off human his
dory."
1t twill be seer by this that Herr
Most will soon have to 60 back to The
Island to recuperate. No ordinary
man can wrestlc with the Republican,
government and the English language
at The same time without getting
lhrown head over heels and internally
injured. Again, lie said, striking at The
subject with the same mastery hand
"De hobe for a peaceful effolution
off madders in dc desired diregshion
musd pc disgaried NIT regred. De
only means in ACCOMPLISHING de
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16

Jem dragged his load Of chips Of thu
card and stackedt en- before him.
Gimme ernuther pin, he said to Tim,
in hoarse voice, and again the man com.
piled.
Taking the tattered sock In his hand, he
closed the rents with the pins and swept
his chips inside. Then, pointing to the
dealer, he said:
Here, Dot, is your Christmas present.
Go to him and get it cashed. Gentlemen.
I've been taught . lesson, and I've played
my last card.
A silence fell upon the scene, and naught
was Leard save tue mufled click Of the
chips az the dealer "sized them up, then.
with muttered curse, thrust their value
into the tattered sock.
sGood-by, boys, and merry Christmas to
you" said Jem. as he perched Dot on his
shoulder and passed through the door.
Five minutes latera yell Of disappoint-
ment rang through the gamblers den.
Boys, the banks bustedl" said the
dealer, land I've gone out Of the business
for good. That sock was q hoodoo!"
It is now ten years since that eventful
night. Jem has not touched card, and
he is never tired Of taking Dot ON his
knee and referring to the time when he
was "Saved by Sock"
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16

aIll shame him IL / can find him, she
said to herself, az she wrapped torn
muff1er about her head and placed Q bat
tered basket on the table.
Little Dot awoke and, seeing her mother
ready to 60 out exclaimed:
"Um do too, mamma"
Molly hesitated q moment, then said:
$50 you shall"
She wrapped Dot in an old woolen shawl
and started In the direction she had heard
the den was located at which Jem spent his
time and money.
The night air was keen and the sleet cut
ting. but Molly needed neither.
Once, as she passed the mansion Of
Jem's employer, sue held Dot on high that
she might look in the window and see q
Christmas tree that was glistening with
candles and glass balls and loaded with
ing in glee around it.
but Dot raised her little hands in ecstasy
and exclaimed:
@Pitty!"
.Yes, pity 'tis as we'll aspretty, cried out
Molly, when she turned away as if in pain
at the sight
She felt indignant that Jem's infatuation
for the green board prevented their home
from enjoying like blessing.
At the next corner she met apolice-ofic
who was alternately stamping his feet and
blowing into his fists to keep warm.
The chimes Of st. Nicholas sounded on
the midnight air and sent a shudder
through her frame.
Christmas! What Christmas might be
in store for her!
She clasped Dot closer 70 her breast and
hurried along.
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16
LOOK N THE

then de doktor's fsic.
Sum people is alwas wishin' thay cud liv
THAR lives over agin, but keep on in de
same ole rut.
Thare wud be er heep more helthy foxes
If it want fur de paten medersun advertis-
mems.
I amt got mutch respec' fur er wumen
whut is alwas goin' tn sowin' sercietes an
maxim close fur de heather, while her hus-
ban fastens his galluses wild er pin.
Whenever heares or lokermotiv whistle
calls it er cheer fur genus.
Diet kranks keep torkin', but senserbil
foxes still hav fun eatin' when THAR stum-
erks krave. 81.
As de simune heeps up SAN on de des-
ert, so det heeps up misery an despair on
er mans soul.
When ct pore man says nything funny de
krowd only smiles; but when de rich man
says enything amusin' de krowd lafs long
an lowd.
Sum men 60 tu kongres' fur homer;
uthers go fur de Rud OBJ THAR kountry;
while or heep OBJ them 20 to see how mutch
thay kan get fur THAR votes.
Er man an his wife is like er pare oh sis
sors; when they wurks tergether thay does
sum gud, but when thay pulls or part thay
don't do enything.
don't never heare eny one a3in' er bout his
korner lots.
Nuspapers is whut makes serciety bare
able.
De pas kant be repaired, but it's or nifty
gud sine bord fur de future.
Er old made is er wumen whut he'd ruther
be singel then tn marry er skrub OBJ er man.
When ever sees er blind man I feels
like he's got or heep more chances fur
Heven then has.
They shake R hands or eros de bludy
chasm; but heep OBJ them feels like givin'
er little jerk an pullin' de uther ono in.
When you drinks wine at do sakerment
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16
HE'D "coor 1HA' ROPE. 9

a west bound passenger train was snow
ed.in naar small mining town and it's
passengers obliged to spend their Christ
mas there. During the day one Of the
party suggested that they should visit an
unused mine in the vicinity. Az they were
passing one Of the small shafts Q gentle.
man looked down and in doing so dropped
his hat. 50
aHold ON minute!" he exclaimed to the
the main shaft, sI've lost my hat down this
shaft.
@Nivermoind, sorr, ut's not dape,at all, ct
Ill. Oil sune have it out fer yees, said
the Irish guide who accompanied them.
His assistant lowered him into the shaft.
q. Soon voice from it's depths cried:
sOi have it! Pull up, Dinny!"
Dinny had been called away for mo-
mont, and gentleman Of the party had
taken charge Of the windlass. The man
was q member Of q minstrel troupe, andan
incorrigible practical joker.
.sAll roight, Moike, he said, initiating
the voice Of the man whom Mike supposed
TO be at the top Of the shaft.
eOi say, Dinny, phawt tha' divil air ye
doin'Y" shouted Mike, few moments
later.
.shuse. DIN 9 pulling ~ = yess up" re;
Mike further down the shaft, and winked
at the bystanders.
aIndade yer not; yer hoisdng mo down,
ye blaggard!"
aBePorra, oi oughter know; ut's meself
a. is tarnin' tha' crank"
And he hoistsd and lowered Mike half
q dozen times more.
@0i say, Dinny, baad scran ter yer! WIN
yer listen ter me . moment, jist2s hallooed
Mike from the shaft. Dye moind whut
Dim afther tellin' ye, moo? Ef yees doant
lower me oop, BY Hivin! Oi'l coot tina
rope!n
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16
"7HAsH Au."

swhere did you get that turkey you have
in your hand. Sim?" said Mrs. Sbrinkem,
as he entered the house at midnight with .
sixteen-pound gobbler whose skin was
hanging from his CARCASS in shreds.
sWon him at or Chrishmush rattle. M
me -teen-dollash."
swell, what is the matter with it2 What
makes it look 60 queer?"
"Thash nuthin'. Ikn-knoc-hic!-eda a
few wp-p-pi-hic!-ets off er fenshe wiz
him coming home. Thash ALI"
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16
WANTED 10 GRIND HfR AXE FIRST.

Rignold- Sister, think I'll ask pa to-
night IL he will buy me that 6ve-hundred-
dollar chronometer We saw at Benedict's
for Christmas present I've been play
ing goody- -goody for over . month now.
Sister Afsbefin-I I wouldn't tonight, If
I were you, dear. Papas had toothache
all day, and you know he's cross as bear
when anything ails him.
Rignold-Umph! If he's got tooth
ache I'll put it of week.
Sister Arabella (in the library with pa
ten minutes later)-O, you dear, darling
pa; you are 90 tired. You should take
some recreation; you need it so much.
Why don't you drive out in the afternoon?
And il you will buy me that sealskin
sacque could 60 with you.
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16

!. FASHION NoTE. This IL the season Of
the year whom every one il looking for
something new in stocdngs.
BEGIN the new year By buying . new um.
brella and diary; then just make note Of
the one you keep the longest.
A NICE, easy exercise for Christmas Day
is that Of counting the change you have
left. Il can bs done generally with one
hand.
@T1ME is money This ought to bs
cheering news 70 the man Of leisure who
has Christmas presents 70 buy and norsedy
cash.
The person who shall do tho mest TO
cheer the hearts Of the needy poor will have
the merriest Christmas and the happiest
New Year. Try il and SEQ.
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16
ROCKED THE TURKEY ASLEEP.

ooh. YOU eood.for.nothing wretch! ex-
claimed Big Williams wife, as she reach
ed her hand out of bed and felt in the
cradle to see If the baby was covered up.
"Whash 'er matter?" murmured Big, as
he turned in his sleep.
Matter enough! Ough you! Wake up
and 60 downstairs and bring baby up here
this minute"
aDid bring him up. He'sh in the
CRADLE"
sNo such thing. You've drank too
much hard cider. You wrapped the Christ
mas turkey in baby's blankets and rocked
it to sleep in the cradle, you wretch! And
baby is Downstairs on the sofa catching
No16
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16
Gyp quick repents, but scornful Poll
Laughs at tho ruin Of the doll.

KNOW all men by these presents Christ
mas presents) that the milk Of human kind.
ness is still sweet.
The store clerk who gets seven dollars ),
week and spends twenty dollars for
Christmas present for his girl should be
classed among Christmas green's"
SWEAR on, though your companions rail;
You may succeed but, II you fall,
'T1s better to resolve and fail
Than never to resolve at all
BIaas-Morning. Diggs; hang up your
stocking Christmas Ever Diggs - No.
Hung up my watch. Wife wanted new
pair Of gold bracelets for present, and I
had to to get 'em.
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16

arm thrust forward wee sock that gaped
at both heel and toe, and q childish voice
exclaimed:
-Merwy Twistmas. papa!"
The gambler 'gazed first ct the sock then
at his stack Of chips.
The sight Of the tattered sock froze the
blood in his veins an i paralyzed the action
Of his brain.
His pile had won, and he was deprived
Of the power to move it.
Again he looked at the stack, then at his
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16

The officer peered into her face as she
came beneath the street-lamp.
"Arrah, is that yerself, Mrs. Pinchem?
A merry Christmas an long loife ter We!
By me sowl, it's bad weather fer yez ter be
out, so it's. Phawt do be kapin' av yez
out, AKIN yer pardun fer me imperdunce2"
"Oh, Mr.. Cahill," said Molly, quickly,
as she recognized him, do you know
where can find Jem?"
"Well, Oi do that same; but Dim think
in he'd not be Arthur thankin' me fer tillin'
yez."
20, please do, Mike. Do tell me; he
shall never know who it was.
"He couldn't help but know it, mum.
But, be tuer powers, OH do it ef Olive
me he'd bruk fer it! Shure it's dirthy
shame Ter I'm ter be drapping his money
at Slippery Dicks, musha, bad cess tew
i'm, an be LAWN yersilf an the kid-Hivin
bless her-widout money. Begorra, Dim
KNOWN to it; We naden't say wurrid.
Coon erlong wid me now, an we'll shame
the Llaggard. savin' yer prisence, mum!
But shure it's no more than e desarves, GO
'tain't."
The officer took Dot in his arms and led
the way down several back streets, and 81
length stopped before the dark entrance to
Q hallway, from VIII oh the mufled click o1
some hard substances clashing together
was plainly audible.
@sthep roieht inaojde, mum. an Oi'll soor
be Arthur fetchin' him out ter yees. Mop
Wurra, avick! Oil do betthur thin ttlt
Gimme that sock yses have hanRin' orfths
basket" said the officer. aThaynf moo
} darlint, yer fathers insoide that door, divi
take i'm! Shure, but OF can't help it, mum
bad scran ter me! Whist, moo! till Oi b'
Arthur gettin' ther door opened" g
He raped on the door, and slide wa
raised, makinga sort Of peep hole, through
which an evil-eyed visage peered at tn
the officer and his curly y.haired burden.
! "Lave me in! DIV. kid here a. is hal
friz. besorra. Phawt ther divil yees waiti1
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16

on2 Shure Oi'll pull yer dirthyY box an
artist the whole av yees " ye doon't oopen
tha door.
The bolt flew back, and tho slookoutr
opened. the door for the officer to step in-
.List to me, moo, darlint, = he said, and
he bent low and whispered in her ear, then
pointed to man who sat back towards them
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16
POP coRw AND ciDER.

II =
. ArA1R exchange Tho complimsnts a
the season. 1
A NEW Y1AR's call-Please reuit,
SAD IL the heart that cannot rejoice 4
Christmas time. s.
No STOCKING Il 90 small that santa
Claus viii overlook Il.
On Christmas Day, though the turksys
tender, the eaters stun.
HAPPY New Ysar. Judge sChsstnut
Major S. 4, Z,
What though your purse il empty, pr,y.
Il hearts are full Of Joy today
The same good resolutions made lask
January will do for this year.
JUST notice how nice your best girl viii
be from now till after the holiday season.
A CHR1sTMAs goose-The man Who
thinks Santa Claus fraud.
IT IL not always tho largest stocking
which catches the most valuable ChrigtmaS
gift. (
It's wise husband who prepares to nay
for the Christmas gifts received from his
dear wife.
SAY not that Christ has been hsrn In
your heart IL the poor be not borne upon IL.
New YEARS calls will never 90 out Of
fashion while there are bil1.coliectoss 20
make them.
In giving Christmas presents be sure and
keep your presence Of mind. Don't be ex-
travagant.
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16

at the faro-tabls, nervously watching q
double pile of blue-colored chips that lay
on queen Of spades.
Suddenly little childish figure stood by
his side, and startled him like an apparition.
its form, and soft aaxen curls fiuttered over
his coatsleevo. A smiling face with trust
ing eyes looked squarely in his. A tiny
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16
JONAS Jv1n0ws JAooLes.

Thare's heep oh tork erbout capertul an
laber, but motifs every body keeps labering
tu be or capertulis.
When sees or man alwas redin' de nus
thimbel rig on him.
Er wumens nursin' often dus more gud
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16

were engaged. Cholly works as clerk in q
dry-goods house and sells tape cut on the
bias, and Arabella's father is q pork-packer
who has higher aspirations for his daugh-
ter than to have her marry Cholly.
chum, who displayed an embroidered hat
tip his lady had sent him for Christmas
present. !.
sWhat did Arabella give you, Cholly?"
he asked.
sshe gave me the shake, and her old man
gave me boot"
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16

chips. The pile doubled once more, and
the dealer grew nervous.
A third time il won.
Suddenly he clasped Dot to his arms.
The gamblers stopped their betting and
watched the pair.
aTim,' he said to man sitting next to
to him, @gimme pin"
The man complied with his request
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16

tabul, IL IL simbblerkal oh do blud Oh
Krist, but whom you gets tn mutch q de
korner GROCERY ito simbolerkal OBJ dc devil.
De theaters wud do heep better bixi-
ness if they had or lot oh anermuls, %
foxes cud take tha childrun tn see 'em.
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16
And round tho room doth skip and prance,
And waits, impatiently. his chance.

The season of swapping presents is
driving near. The old-time custom of
giving to, chose who could give naueht but
thanks and gratitude in return had much
to commend it.
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16

Feed we'll the hungry. clothe the poor
And such as stand In need:
This 10 the way to celebrate
A Christmas true indeed
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16

On Christmas eve the right stocking was
never left.
Griggs courier., 1887-12-16

CHRISTMAS REvER1E.-sNhat are you
going to buy your wife for Christmas
present." asked Colonel Jones of Judge
johnson. I'm thinking Of getting her
piano." @Can she play?" "No, Of course
not. Do you think I'd be such q fool as to
buy her piano if she could play?"