Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-09-25
wTTICIsNIS

Little things upset the plans of little
men, but solid honesty stands solid to the
end. lddelphia Record.
This world would be a very great world
if il were not so wastefnl of its money
Louisville COarier-JOErRdi.
There are too many ''hung juries" and
not enough hung murderers In this coun-
try Just at present.-Wi Wichita Kan. Daily
Beacon.
When invited TO dinner Nature wonders
what she will get to eat. Culture wants
10 know what she shall wear.-Nelo Dr.
ledRS PeayURe.
The life insurance system will not be
complete until some plan of ipsuring the
life of the life company is perfected
Orleans PeayURs.
Robert-Gimme some pie.
Mamma observation-disclosures some
pie" What else do you sayH
Robert-And hurry up about it'd
Bits.
Mr.. Moody says that he can't pound
sermon into mans head after he has read
the Sunday papers. The thing to do Is to
make the sermon as interesting as the Sun
day papers.-ARaRtd Consultation.
A good man in New Bedford was not so
far out of the way when he used to say in
conference meeting: Brethren we have
been mercifully spared in passing through
MANY scenes and unseens "-CORgregdttOR-
alist.
Not an editor has been mangled by
railroad smashup this year. Trains may
90 through weak bridges, into open switches
and over embankments; but SO long as the
Interstate Commerce law remains intact
the editors will also.-OShkosh Times.
Probably there isn't an older phrase in
the English language than the words, u
love yOu," and yet the most hippant
Young man doesn't even think OF saying
| Chestnut when some sweet girl whis-
pers it softly into his coat collsr.-Jo"rRd
Of Commerce.
what have you got in those trunks"
asked one fashionable girl Of another at the
station the other day, as her friend was
going of to Narragsnsett.
''Oh, bait" was the ready answer
Boston Globe.
The oil trust, the whisky trust, and all
the other trusts, great and small, are fol-
lowed by rumors of an oyster trust. If the
country stands any such menace to its life,
liberty and pursuit of happinessit has more
patience than we giyeit credit tor.-Phitd-
delphia Press
The Boston Transcript asks: Have we
too many mouths to feed?''
Not knowing the editor of the Transcript
personally, We are not certain how many
mouths he has. As for ourselves, We find
one mouth all we care to cOntrOl.-Lye
Trying to make her country cousin pre-
sentable at table, city young lady said:
Now, Lem, when pie is served, you must
not use your knife in eating it," Gosh,
all hemlock, TOdy, | never do; | alters
takes my piece er pie into my right hand
when eats it," That settled Lem -Nei0
Orleans PiedyURs.
The birmingham Gazette gives currency
to the rather apOcryphal story that Revi-
yalist Sam Jones has been offered s., 900 a
night for a course of lectures. Aud yet
there are people who will 20 on serving the
devil at starvation wages when the service
of God brings such fat stipends. -UarlbOr-
ough Times
did you say that l never missed a
drink, sir?n a man demanded of his
neighbOr in an angry and threatening
manner. II may have done So" was the
reply. But never drink, and you know
itw Then you never miss 1t, do your
That put the matter in a different light
and they took smoke.-TerGS SttiRgs
Il wish things was shared out evener, I"
said Cincinnati boy, watching the col
Ored man at the house opposite washing
| the sidewalk His fond mamma was
a out to commend his sympathy with the
poor workingmen when he astonished her
by adding with emphasis Then we
could have o colored man and hose ~
The Epoch.
Old Lady Ito grocer's boy)-Don't you
know, boy, that it is very rude to whistle
when dealing with LADY,
Boy-That's what the boss told me to
do, mum.
Old Lady-Told you TO whistle?
! Boy-Yes'm. He said If we ever sold
You anything we'd have to whistle fol the
money.-Hdrper's Bdzdr.
Regular Customer disposed to be face
I
for the paper until tomorrow.
| Clerk-Oh, that's all right, sir.
Customer-But suppose was killed be-
tween now and tomorrow.
Clerk-Well, the loss would not be
much, Philadelphia Ners.
"All Pve got to say about the paper is
that the editor is getting dull" said an
old subscriber.
''You think the editor is getting dull do
you?" rejoined the occupant Of the splint-
bOttomed editorial chair.
Yes, sir. do most emphatically.
"Well, I'll call up the next scissors grin
der that comes along. Merchant Trdrelier.
The idea begins to prevail in European
armies that it is better to wound a mal in
battle than to kill him, ~ more men are
taken out Of line to care for wounded
man than for a dead one. Hence, opinion
at present fayors small bore for the mag
azine rifles now being introduced. The
soldier, too, when consulted about the
matter, prefers being shot twice to being
killed once. Baltimore Sun.
Young Simpkins (who is spending his
weeks vacation at q Saratoga hOtel)--
Waiter, for the fourth time will You bring
me that
Waiter-Say, mistah, hain't got no
time ter fool wild you-'deed / hain't. It's
gettin' mighty late in de season, an every
minutes OBJ value ter me. Ise got all
kin do to tend ter my cash customers.
Now don't bOdder me no more an I'll be
Sponsible fer yer weeks board.-Tfd Bits.
A Bill for $4,000.
NeI9 York Tribune.
The fees demanded by eminent New