The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1887-03-10
WIT AND HUMOR.

Killed by being studied too hard
Proridcnce Telegram.
well, Count, any sport this morn
ing?' e.He1asi mon ami, very sad
sport, I ave shot three beautiful
misses" He means he has missed
three beautiful shots. Punch.
An eminent scientist claims that
sober man can become intoxicated by
passing half an hour with a drunken
man. He can if the latter's money
holds Burlington Free Press
A big gopher snake in Florida re-
Gently swallowed 4 rattlesnake and
was killed by it from the inside. This
fable teaches that it is not often safe
10 gopher Boston Post.
Resident (faceiiouslD w hat do you
think of water as a beverage, Colonel?
Kentucky ColOnel-As a beverage?
/ A. drink, do You mean? Resident-
Yes. Colonel-Why. | try not to think
OF ii at ali in that connection.-Pttts-
turg Di$patch.
That couple who has just passed us
reminds me Of a sort of fruit which is
neither paiatable nor desirable" said
gentleman To friend. What
makes them So objectionable? asked
The friend They are prickly pair. -
--Aafi0nal HFekig.
Maud has taken a severe cold" re-
marked Clara. She is threatened
with pneumonia. How did she take
cold9" asked Ella .:She went sleigh
riding the other evening with her
E:,i a.
improvident. ''-Netc York, sun.
NJ. Spuller. the Deputy who repre-
sented France at the Bartholdi statue
dedication. declares that i'll the United
States there is more liberty and less
license than anywhere else. True, o
keen-eyed Spuller,- liberty to
get drunk aud less high LICENSE.
MiStre>s-The coffee is 50 strong
this morning that its absolutely bitter,
Kathleen. Maid-Yis. miam Th'
policeman on this bate do be COM
plninin nv tn Wakeness aY it all win
ther, an durin' cowld wither cook is
afther humorin' tn poor divil bit
7Ht-Bttx
Swell No. (pretending to mistake
standing in evening dress at the cloak
room of the theater) r)-..Ah. have you
programmes? Swell No. 2 (equal to
the otcaSion) )-..Thanks my man; got
one from the other fellow. ."-Nec YorE
TribUne.
'.It's been given out that my daugh-
ter was married. said gentleman
near Griffin recently, s'but l want to
state there ain no truth in it. Such
talk As that will keep the young men
away. She amt married at all, but is
jest as willin' as ever. ''-Columbus
(Ga.J Enqni,rr.
Lawyer-Now. You say You We known
this couple for Years? Witness-Yes,
sir. Lawyer-Ever seen them quar-
rel? Witness Never LAWYER
They've always lived together IN unity,
Ell? Witness-No. sir, in Swamps-
vile. that's about four miles from
Cnity.-Ihe Judge.
AT table d'h6te. An EngIishman,
pointing to the piece de resistance-a
huge roast turkey-calls out: s'Garcon,
bring Inc that chicken, if you please -
i pray that monsieur viii have the
kindness to wait until it is cut 80,
never mind about that, / will eat it Just
as it is. French Fan.
First lady-''Yes, I've tried three
different sewing-machines in the last,
six months" Second Iady-..What
pests these sewing machine agents are,
amt they?' First Iady-.Pests?
Why. if il wasn't for them l should
I
sgo?'--NetC Rareu Nel0s.
The incarceration of a once popular
circu. clown in county Jail in New
York state is probably we'll enough in
its way. What suffering humanity
most needs, however, is some disposal
OF his collection Of old jokes which
shall insure their perpetua- retirement
from public view and hearing.
turg Disputch
The Rev. Sam Jones, who is now
ey an@eliZin" in B"ston. announces that
he would like to make that town "a
suburb of glory" He will not sue
ceed, however; the people down there
would never. submit to it, Now if he
wanted 10 make glory Il suburb of Bos-
| ton it might be Il different matter
Phiiadrlphid CdH
| The Rev Pr Mackenzie has been
lecturing OH Munkacsy's great picture
of .'Christ Before Pilate.H The rever-
end gentleman gave 81 elaborate, ac-
curate. and exhaustive "a description of
the celebrated painting that if he
should ever have the good fortune to
see il he will he able tn recognize it ia
a minute.-!SdH Francisco NerS-Letter.
A well-kmown professional gentle
man said concerning the General As
semblv investigation" and its hang
fire developments that it reminded him
of a motion made by Connecticut
Legislature ON the famous dark day"
The member rose in his seat and with
quivering voice exclaimed: ''Mr.
Speaker. | move who's afraid '-ProGi-
dence JO'tYHU
Bridget-..I'm goin' to lave yez.
mum. Iv'rything about the house is
too unhandy. num- Her mistress
I'm sorry tu hear that You are going,
But what is that fastened to your
waist?" Bridget tits a walkometer.
num- Ii shows that I've walked nine
miles this lnornin gittin breakfast.
can't stand anything like that, num-"
-Ha1per'S Bd.U-.
At the club. Two gentlemen paying
at ecarte: How is this cries one.
You have counted three points,"
We'll. what of it?' But You only
made two" Il assure YOU, monsieur
-" I'm bet louis that you only
have two" Softly my friend. Per-
mil me- am not certain enough OF it
10 bet; but / viii give YOU my word Of
honor French Fan.
That last butter was very bad,
sir" said the cook. as she left an order
for groceries Was it? Why, Mr..
; Blank and his wife were both III here
Yesterday and had no complaint to
make ''Ah, sir, but had little
party in the kitchen the other night,
and YOU .hnuld have heard how the
coachman took ON about it! Please be
a bit more careful. for l feel that my
: reputation is at stake. Detroit Free
a I P,,sSS