News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-03-10
WAY OF THE WORLD.


married
Omaha Matron-No, my child.
81 don't suppose he had any money
saved up, did he?
mot a penny; he spent all he earned
'Did you get along comfortably 2"
eve were very happy"
''Well, you know George hasn't been
able to save cent, but"
''See here, if that poverty stricken TEL
low dares to show his face here again,
I'll get your father to kick him out. -
Omaha World
THE a1T OF COOKING.
Young Husband-It does seem to me
you might learn to cook better than
that. My mother
Young Wife-There, that will do. I
refrain from learning how to cook on
princi pie
Young Husband oh, you do. Think
ing of me, of course
Young Wife--No, of my son.
Young Husband-Son
Young Nife--Yes; l don't intend he
shall make any nice girl miserable brag-
ging about my cooking. - Omaha
World.
Mistress Here is silver spoon under
your pillow. What does this mean,
Bridget?
Bridget-Shure, mum, night before
last l dreamt for the second toi ne that
| was sick and to take tayspOonful OF
medicine, and didn't have any spoon,
and to save mesilf gettin' up in the
noight, and disturbin' Everybody in the
house, put the spoon under me pellow,
mum, for me convainance, mum.-zecaS
oifting8.
RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION.
az say, Dumley," remarked Robinson,
with some indignation, 81 hear you
have reported about that 1 owe you
money"
"You have owed me twenty dollars
for several years"
THAT may be, but I don't owe you
anything now. That twenty dollar
debt became outlawed the first of the
year. You ought not to spread damag
ing reports about man," concluded the
still indignant Ro5inson.-Lye.
HE SAW.
Father johnny, do you sec that man
with an organ and monkey ?
eyes, pa
"What country does that organ grind
er come from r.
''From Italy"
Correct: and where does the little
ape come from %
''From the Apennine mountains, l
suppose. ."-16ras SJtings.
THE ADVENT.
Mrs. De Baggs-Ah, my dear, you
have missed the treat of lifetime. You
should have gone to Mrs. Dusenbury' $
sociable. De Bontong, the poet, read
twenty selections from his own orks.
1t was delightful
Mrs. Bagley Do you understand
French -.------
Mrs. DE Baggs-I? Oh, dear, no
But the accentI do so enjoy the ac-
cent.-Phila. CaH.
BUILDING AN ADDITION.
Wife to husband This house is al
together too small for our needs, John.
Why don't you put an addition to it2
Husband Cthoughtfully) I've been
thinking of that.
Wife Something in the shape of
wing?
Husband-No; something in the shape
of a mortgage.
After Tommy had devoured about
seventeen cakes he applied for more.
Mamma, gimme another cake"
''No, my child, you have had enough"
But l can't drink my tea dry, can
I?"-Zeras SJtings.
BETTER THAN NO EXCUSE.
Lady, at theatre (who has left her hat
outside)-Where are you going, my
dear
Husband Cat end of first act)-I am
going out to see if your hat is all right.
~ Y. Sun.
ODDS AND ENDS.
TIE man who knows the most never
tells it in a crowd.
NATURE may occasionally make a mis-
take, but art never should.
A MAN ought to be careful about go
ing out to drink between the acts. 1t
may result in his acting bad between
the drinks.
A MAN was arrested yesterday for
stealing a box of cigars worth 50. so. Let
US suggest punishment. Make him
smoke them.
WE have no objection to the man who
rides a hobby not even if he rides it to
death. We only protest when he takes
up the whole road with it.
For goodness sake, don't let US have
another war with Great Britain! 1t
would be pretty kettle of fish, wouldn't
it, when we need all the money we can
scrape together to pay pensions on &C
count of previous squabbles"
WHEN a sealskin sacque costs $500,
and a diamond solitaire ring half as
much more, what does a ton of coal
come to? The answer ought to be
''ashes," but we find by a close calcula
tion that it is really clinkers and slate. ,
WHEN Virginia Mountaineer wants a
chew of tobacco, this according to one
who has been there) is the way he asks
for it.: stranger, gimme a chaw yer
black flat chawin' tobacker; that is, eff
yer chaw. | dunno eff yer chaw or no;
do yer chaww
"MAMMA," said Mr.. Five Years, 81
wish papa would give me pony" "He
can't, dear; he is not rich enough" A
little later Mamma, may have some
puddingY" ''No, my dear, it is too rich. "
Still later: ''Mamma, 1 wish that pa
papa was as rich as the puddingn'
"5EE here, now, I've heard a good
deal about the honest farmer, but what
makes you all put the best apples on
the top of the basket3" asked city man
of the fruit seller. He thought a mo-
ment and replied: 81 'spect it's for the
same reason that you have the front of
your house of brownstone.n