The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-03-02
A North Carolina Scientist.

that the holly, with cranberries on ii, con-
stituted the background OF Yuletide. A
Yuletide in England without holly bough
and a little mistletoe III it wouldn't be
worth half price. Here these vegetables
grow in great profusion, owing to the
equable climate, and SO the holly tree is
within the reach of all.
resolved TO secure one personally, 80 l
sped away into the mountains, where, in
less than the time it takes to tell IL, had
succeeded in finding holly tree and losing
myself. Ii is q very solemn sensation to
feel that you are lost, and that before you
can be found something Is liable to happen
to the universe.
wandered amlessly about for half an
Ahour, hoping that | would be missed in
society and some one sent in search OF me.
/ was Just about TO give up in despair and
sink down on bed of moss with the idea
of shutting OIL six or seven feet of mortal
coil when, few rods away, | saw blue
smoke issuing from the side OF the noun
tain and rising toward the sky. / went
rapidly toward il and found it to be plain
dugout with a dirt floor. / entered and
cast myself upon rude nail key, allowing
my feet to remain suspended at The lower
end of my legs, an attitude which l fle-
quently affect when fatigued.
The place was not occupied at the time l
entered, though there was fire, and things
looked as though the owner had not long
been absent. 1t seemed TO be a kind OF
Laboratory, for / could see here and there
the earmarks of the chemist. / feared at
first that it was bomb factory, but as l
could not see any of these implements in
a perfected state | decided that 1t was safe,
and waited for the owner to arrive.
After some time l heard low, cultural
footstep approaching up the hill. | went
TO the door and exclaimed 10 the proprietor
as he came: merry Christmas, Colonel"
merry Christmas be dashed!" said he in
the same banterinC tone. What in three
dashes, two hyphens, and an astonisher do
want here, you double dashed and double
blanketed blank TO dash and return!"
The wording here is my own, but it gives
an idea of the way the conversation was
drifting. You can see by his manner that
literary people are not alone in being surly,
irritable, and unreasonable.
So / humored him, and spoke kindly TO
him, and smoothed down his ruffled plum
age with my gay badinage, for he wore a
shawl, and you can never tell whether q
man wearing shawl is armed or not
He was Il man about medium height,
with clear-cut features and retreating
brisket. His hair was dark, and hung in
great waves which seemed TO have caught
the sunlight and retained it. together with
great many other atmospheric phenome-
ma. He wore a straw Lat, such as / once
saw Horace Greeley catch grasshoppers in
on the banks of the Kinnck mick, Just
before he caught q small trout.
| spent some time with him watching
him as he made his various experiments.
Finally he showed nae n new beverage that
he had been engaged i'll perfecting. 1t was
incloSed in dark brown stone receptacle,
and was held in place by common corn
cob stopper. | took some of it in order to
show that l confided in him. l do not re-
member anything else distinctly. The
fumes of this drink went at once to my
brain, where it had what might be termed
a complete walkover.
Il now have no hesitation in saying that
the fluid must have been alcoholic in its
nature, for when l regained my conscious
ness | was extremely elsewhere. j found
myself on road which seemed to lead in
two opposite directions, and my mind was
very much confused.
/ hardly know how / got home, but |
finally did get there, accompanied by
strong leaning toward prohibition. A few
days ago / received the following letter:
lR at first thought when 1 saw you at my
laboratory the other day that you was a low,
inquisitiye cuss, and so l spoke to you in
ed you by calling You every thing l could lay
my tongue to, but since then l have concluded
that you didn't know any better.
You said to me that you found my place by
Sc eng the smoke coming out of the chimbley;
that has given me an idea that you might
know something about what's called smoke
consumer of which have heard / am do
lag fair business, but am good deal pes
tered, as you might say, by people who come
in on me when do not want to mingle in so
ciety. A man in the chemist business can not
succeed If he Is all the time interrupted by
Tom, Dick, and Harry coming in on him on
expected like. | have always courted retire
ment, an avoided the Dusy haunts of men.
Still some strolling idiot or other will occa-
sionally see the smoke from my little home
and drop IN on me-
Could you find out about this smoke
sumner and see what the price would be and
let me know as soon rs possibley
If you can do so l can be of great service to
you. Leave the letter under the b z stone
where you found yourself the other day when
you cam ont OF your trance. L call 1t a trance
because this letter might fall into the hands of
your family Ii you find out about this
smOke-coa -umcr and leave the information
where have to Won you will find on the fol-
lowing day large jug of mountain dew in
the same place that will make your hair grow
and give roseat1 hue to your otherwise
gloomy life.
DO not try to come here again 1t might
compromise me. man in your position may
not nave anything TO risk, but with me IL is
d hereni. My unsullied reputation is all
lave 10 bcqueath TO my children. If you come
often there will not be enough left to go
around, as have a large fam ly.
II You hear OF anybody that wants TO trade
a good double barreled shotgun for a small
portable worm and retort that il too small for
iny business, l can give him good trade on
1t II he will let you know. This Is good ma
chino for experimental purpose and being
no larger than a Babcock fire-extinguisher it
can be readily conveyed to a place of safety
at very rapid rate.
You. might say t. your friends that we shall
} -yy in inc future as we have in the past to
az 7-ub INustandard of our goods, 80 as TO
ndi Areynued patronage.
s,- vi the United States, or those who
fred their intention TO become such,
80 ~ be welcome at our works, provided
Mot officehOlders in any capacity. We
use for those who are in any way con-
tith the public teat
Il. MooNsHINE
Ictated letter.
II hope that anyone will feel perfectly
free to address me in relation 10 anything
referred to in the above letter. All COM
munications containing remttances will be
regarded as strictly confidential.