The Irish standard., 1887-12-24

SA 4 DR UM MER,s rs DoINGs.


DR Il, ON haER,s 8Do DoiNGs
How 8 St. Louis Ira yelling Man $Adver-}
tIsels His Buslness.$
Some etimes drummers play the most
amusing and ori iginal tricks. Not long
agoa a drummer for a St. Louis hard
ware house started out. He was a
giant in strength. He had two strong
grips made, and in them he put up
iron samples weighing about 1856.
pounds each. He would alight from a
train with his two innocent-looking
grips, and the hotel porter would make.
q rush for him.
Right this way for the Hardcase
House. Garry your grips up to the ho-
tel, bossp'
yes" Smith would say. The drum
mer was really named Smith. He would
then hand the two grips to that porter,
and let go as soon as he saw the un-
suspecting victim had hold Of them
There would be a wild flourish of feet,
u 1Ultu CldSlA, ctAAu CAAO IJS1 bCA NOuAA ~
down like he hau been shot.
.sWhat in thunder are you throw
ing my grips around in that manner
for?" Smith would yell, as if mad.
The porter would jump up thinking
he had stumbled, apologize, and make
a grab at the grips. Then he would
pull away, and his eyes would loll out,
and he would strain until his suspender
straps would break, and then he would
say:
:.B-b~boss! What are these things?
1 can lift Them
Smith would take hold Of them light
ly, gently lift them up, and say:
go, well, if you don t want to carry
them, I'll go to the other hotel. Then
calling the other porter he would give
them to him. Of course, the other fell
low would take hold of them with a
smile and firm grip, only to go down
on the platform in defeat with a thnmp
Then he would rise, look at the grip,
gaze at Smith awhile, then, leave, NUT
tering something about voodooism.
Smith would then throw them into a
wagon, and go on up to hotel. At
the door he would call a bell boy, and
as he pushed his way through the
crowd, he would hand them to the
poor, overworkea boy, and the crowd
would be astonished to see him go
down with those grips, tine fall making
q noise that sounded like q freight train
wreck, and shook the house. Smith
would pick them up himself, and re-
mark to the landlord that it was a
shame to overwork his help in any such
manner, and then he would walk TO-
wards the register, and the landlord
would rush up to him and say:
''Why, them boys are lazy. Here,
give me your grips, sir" and he would
take them. OF course, Smiths re-
marks attracted all eyes, and as the
landlord got good hold Of the handles,
Smith would let go suddenly. The
spectators would be astonished to see
the landlords back suddenly hump it.
self like cat on the back fence, his
eyes bulge out like marbles on a mud
wall, and then see him fall full length
between those grips, with crash that
brought people out across the way. He
would get up slowly, rub his back,
walk around the grips, and then go off
and swear, as Smith would take them
up and put them on tho counter. Then
the fun would begin. The clerk
grabbed one of them to set it off the
counter and it wouldn't move. He
looked astonished, and then spit on bis
hands and tried to lift it, as his face
turned red, and knots swelled upon
his forehead. But that grip wouldn't
move. Then all the crowd would try
their hand, and finally all swore it was
some trick. Smith would then lift it
off gently, and ask them what allied
them. This would make the crowd feel
of his arms, and they found out they
had muscles like cocoanuts for size and
rocks for hardness. Then it daWned
on them that Smith had heavy grips
for sell, and they were correct. That
was the way Smith advertised his
house. 1t was a success, too. He
would put Il grip on an empty seat in
front of him in a car, and be tickled
almost to death at the efforts of people
to lift it off when the car was crowded.
But no one ever succeeded. Ladies
would take hold of it, and only let go
when things began to snap around
their clothing with. a noise that at
tracted the attention of the cal. a
big passenger would think to make an
impression on pretty girl, and rush
over to remove that grip, and fall over
the seat trying to move it, and would
be mad as thunder when Smith would
move it easily and gently. and remark:
'.Must have had a long spell Of sick
ness, to make you SO weak, sir =
Conductors have gone almost crazy
at the spectacle they have made OF
themselves in trying to move one OF
those grips for ladies, and at being un-
able to do 80 except with the help OF
the brakeman and porter, and to see
Smith lift both OF them, and guy them