The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1887-02-19
FUNNY FACTS AND FANcIEs.

sAnoa--"Did you ever see vessels en-.
gagged in a fighti" Civilian--"No, but I
have seen ship spar"
A DOC jumped of the Brooklyn bridge q
few days ago. An exchange thinks IL was
the most intelligent thing that ever took
the leap.
"wHERE is the ideal wifein asks a lect-
urer. The Norristown Herald answers /:
"Well, II she is out looking for the ideal
husband, her search will prove fruitless. !"
IT Is EVER So.-
"Ail flesh Ia grass" an ancient truth,
BY which It will be seen
That in the spring-ttmo Of our youth
We are so "jolly green"
AN exchange says "kind words are never
lost" But careless wife sometimes mis-
lays them until she wants another new
bonnet.
JUDsE-"Prisoner why don't you 60 To
worki Take hold of any tbing" Tramp.
"Yer homer, 1t won't do; did take hold OF
a chicken and here I am"
A WRITER says that tho mating of human
beings is beyond the science of man.
Perhaps this Is the reason why match
makers are usually Of tho gentler sex.
Scan you use thisl" timidly inquired the
poet, as he laid bundle on the desk ~
think cam" said the editor, affably. ~
am just about to start fire in the Office
stove"
A VISITOR in Dublin was asked by car.
driver If he wanted car. "No," said he
~ am able to walk" "May your honor
long be able, but seldom willing" was the
witty rcjoindcr.
ANSWER TO ''vocAL1sT''-We don't know
what will prevent your eyes from filing
with tears while singing but the best way
to keep the eyes of the listeners from fill.
ing is not to sing.
CyE of the old settlers ut the Isles OF
Shoals, seeing the name of "Psyche" or
the hull of yacht, spelled it out slowly
and then exclaimed: swell, II that aim,
the biggest way to spell tsh"
~ WISH l was public house," said 9
loving woman to her husband. "Whyi'
he inquired, with some degree of surprise
30, because you would be lin eighteen o,
twenty times day to see me-"
THE coming girl will walk five miles 6
day, says the Household. If the editor will
name the starting time and distance per
haps the fellow she is coming after can gel
out of the way, says the Minneapolis Ttib
n,ie.
"HAvE you ever sat upon an inquestp
asked the coroner of a cowboy "Betchel
life / hev, stranger" was the ready
answer. "And what kind of verdict die
you bring inl" "a charge of murder
against the DOCTOR"
FIRST WARD DUDE (at recent social af
fair)-"Miss M, l have started mutua
admiration society" Miss M-"Ahl Wher
do you initiate the other memberi" Thel
a deep, solemn stiffness brooded DER tn,
gathering. Gazette.
A BRAKE has been invented which will
stop locomotive going at the rate of forty
miles an hour within space of fifty feet
The engineer and fireman are expected t,
keep on for about a mile and a half, bu
they are of little consequence.-Detroit Ere
Press.
A YOUNG man who held loaded pistol Il
his head and threatened to blow his brains
out unless the girl who had refused hin
would consent to have him, was coolly toll
by the young lady he would have to blov
some brains into his head first. He didn'
blow.
SWELL No. 1 (pretending to mistake TO
an usher rival whom he sees standing il
evening dress at the cloak room OF tn
theater)-"Ahi have you a programmed q
Swell No. 2 equal to the occasion)-
Thanks, my man; got one from the othe
fellow"
"MY DEAR" he whispered softly, as the,
seated themselves on the toboggan, 'sif o.
the way down I should ask you to be m
wife, what would you says" "What woul
you do If l should refusei" she Whispers
back. II should have to let you slide," h
simply said.
KINDLY OLD LADY-"What's the matter
little boyW Little Boy (crying bitterly)-
II lost fl cents" Kind Old Lady (givin
him nickeD-"Well, here is five cent
more for you, don't cry. How did you los
itp' Little Boy feeling better)-"I lost 1
pitchin' pennies"
A LOUISVILLE lover, while kissing hi
sweetheart goodbye felt o choking sensa
tion in his throat and finally died from SUI
location. The doctors could not tell wha
allied him, but evidently, says an exchange
his heart had come up into his throat an,
choked him to death.
CLARA-"They say Charley is O grea
catch, and all the girls are running afte
him; but for my part don't see what tho
| find in him to admire" Susan-"Perhap
you do not know that his mother has tn
reputation Of being q wretched cook
Clara-"Is that sol He'll make spendi
husband for somebody"
LEARNING TRADE.-Blacksmith It
young man)-"Yo think you possess tn
necessary qualifications for blacksmith q
Young man-"Yes, sir. was membe
Of the foOr-ball team at college," Black
smith (dubiously)-"Yo may be stron
enough, young man, but this business dc
mands brains as we'll as strength"
-&-e
| A LEADING physician has made the start
ling revelation that six thousand people