Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1887-01-08
WANT TO TRY THE PLATFORM.
The Manager of "a Lecture Bureau Tells o
His TriaIS and Tribulatsons.

Ills AElAi~ anu
"At about this time of the year, when
the wOodchuck takes farewell view of
the clover field and goes head first into a
hole" says the manager of lecture bu-
reau, ''the platform tends begin to crawl
out and make life miserable for me-
Everybody thinks he, she or it can lect-
ure Only yesterday big man with 4
thick neck and forehead like hens
came in here and wanted me To put him
mp to the lecture racket, rs he called it.
He said: What der public wants is ter
look at me. I'm famous, l am Well,
what do YOU suppose was the basis OF his
desire to go upon the lecturing platform?
He had once challenged Sullivan and
fought him l don't know how many
rounds-through the newspapers. |
promised to let him know ii any church
lecture committee sent for him. Nearly
all the bridge jumpers have sent IN appli-
cations for Jobs on the rostrum, and have
herea letter from an eN-banE cashier ask
ing it have any dates open on the other
side Of the Canada line. replied that the
Canadian demand for attractions seemed
to be filled, but there was Il vacancy in the
course of the Sing Sing Moral Improve
mcut society which he might fiji to general
satisfaction. told him the terms there
were usually liberal, but he hasn't accept
ed the offer.
The other day man came in and
wanted to be put on the list for a scientific
lecture, which he said was in 4 popular
style and very instructive. He struck me
10 fayOrably that asked him to bring the
lecture in the next day and let me look
over it, He said that he called it THE Re
sources of Civilization lie came with 4
gripsack, took out roll of manuscript and
some curious apparatus and proceeded to
read me an essay on high explosives. He
took up something that looked like COM
pressed Sawdust-he said ii was 'vIgorite'
and announced that, although by per
cuSSion it would explode with terrific vio-
leuce, he could and would safely pound it
with hammer seized the hammer rs it
WAS about to fall and bundled him.Ou of
the office. He was theoretical NihlliSt.
and then the elOcutionistS, as they call
themselves. The good Lord deliver me
from that tribe They al want to intlict
upon an abused public 'Curlcw Shall Not
Ring Tonight They are almost us bad
Us the funny men of western country pa
pcrs, who have been copied all over the
country and have got mp rehaShes of Joe
Miller and ArtemuS Ward that they want
to fire of under titles that have no earthly
connection with the subjects on which
they propose to speak.
Perhaps you don't believe more than
hall of this, but it is all solemn facts.
Why, what would you say if | should tell
YOU that Virgins, the FL Mahdi of Ottawa,
wanted me to arrange for him an eastern
circuit so that he could deliver y lecture
on My Storms and How they have been
Sidetracked by an Unscientitic Provi-
dence.' Well, perhaps that wasn't Just
the title of it, but at any rate he wanted
to talk on that weary old chestnut, the
weather. / wouldn't be surprised If a
discharged patient from an inebriate aSy-
lum should walk in here and ask me to
star him in the church courses with 4
thrilling monOlOgue on Snakes; or How |
Had Emu HarE! | heard somebody
coming. You wait and see if it isn't
an aSpirant for fame and fortune on the
lecture platform.
The door opened, and tall, good look
ing and we'll dressed woman entered. She
had society air, but an independent, de
termined look withal. She had been left
to her own resources by the death OF her
husband, and she wanted to earn her own
living with the capital of good presence,
a fair voice and slight knowledge of the
art of public reading, acquired in an am
ateur way. 1t was no use trying to dis
courage her. She was determined to try,
and knew she could succeed. So her name
was booked after some consultation. When
she had gone the manager of the bureau
said: she wants to lecture on crankS,
and l think l can give her plenty Of
points. ''-''URcie Bar in ChicdgO Herald.