St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1887-02-10
SQUIBS.

| Uneasy lies the tongue that has an
aceomplice.-[B Burlington Free Press.
If man is determined to throw
away his money, we would suggest for
the benefit of the community that he
get it all changed into silver dollars,
and throw them Lowell Citizen.
Heard at the TobOggan Slide. He
"Ah Miss Du Saudi, may | have the
pleasure of the first waltz with you at
the Spragus party tomorrow night?'
She-"I IN sorry, Mr.. Pluvius, but
can't make any party promises" p
| Rochester Post.
When ii sealskin sacque costs $500
and diamond solitaire ring half as
much more, what does ton of coal
come to? The answer ought to be
"ashes," but we find by close calcu
latiOn that it is really "clinkers and
slate. "-[L Lowell Courier.
First Lady-"Yes, I've tried three
different sewing machines in the past
six months" Second Lady-"What
pests these sewing machine agents are,
amt they ?" First Lady-"Pests Why,
if it wasn't for them | should have
had to buy a machine ten years ago ~
Il New Haven News.
A hard-up looking man, who had
accosted a citizen on Canal street for
ten cents, was answered with-':See
here, didn't you hit me for dime only
three days agoP" 81 believe | did, sir,
but do the very best | can | can't keep
my expenses down to less than three
and One-third cents per day. Your
dime is all gomez Wall street News
A thief in Chicago hotel turned
the key in a door with pair of nip
pers and softly entered a room to be
struck in the head by an empty water
pitcher hurled by Il woman. He was
knocked down, had his nose cut to the
bone, and was taken off to Jail hug
ging the belief that the weight of snow
had caved in the roof on him. De
troit Free Press.
One of our school teachers was en-
deavOring to explain to small boy in
her class the meaning of the word
collision" She said, Suppose two
boys running on the street should
come together real hard. What would
there be p ga fight" responded the
little fellow loudly and with astonish-
ing promptness, and the teacher gave
it up Bangor Commercial.
Eastern Railway President-"See
here, l understand that after that last
catastrophe you sent the survivors to
their homes in distant States and
charged the expense to the company ~
COnductOr-"Yes, SIR" "DO you sup
pose, sir, that this road is benevolent
society I? What did you do that for
Give me an unanswerable reason at
once or your resignation, SIR" "To
prevent them from testifying before
the coroner" "Resign, sir ]" "Why ?"
~ want you for superintendent"
[Omaha World.
1t is narrated of a distinguished Am
erican journalist that when he visited
Egypt for the first time he rode out
one morning to take a look at the
Pyramids. Mounted on a bOny Assy-
rian mule he had inspected these mann
moth chefs d'9uUres of the lost arts,
when suddenly he was brought face to
face with the Sphinx. "Gosh !" said
he in tones of astonishment, "What's
this ?" "Fhat," explained Hassan Ben
Ali, the faithful Mameluke guide, "that
is the famous Sphinx, emblazoned
in song and illumined in story"
"Humph!" calculated the journalist,
after critical review of the placid
DANES features, $50 this is the Sphinx,
ell Well, L don't think she amounts
to very much we've got girls in our
Office ii hundred per cent. better look
ing than she is !"-[ Chicago News.