Western cyclone., 1887-10-21
HUMOROUS.


DO0 u pu!StCl0us Qc1Ts l. nave SUCH O00
spells every day. Old Whitegoods
(mpatientlyl Bah! so has the type
writer girl at the Office and she's
bright as cricket all the time. Live
lier she is the worse spells she has.
HE LACr INFORMATION.
Are you the cow" asked the boarder
from town, pausing before the pump"
NO." replied the pump, speaking
through his nose like true American,
81 am the milk made. Haw, haw,
haw." The next morning the ave.
stricken guest ate his cruel in silence,
nor once complained when he found =
water spider IN the cream.
"LooK PLEASANT, YOU VILLAIN"
Some DhilanthropistS always make
us think of story that is told Of
Frederick of Prussia. The King had
way of going around like q common
mortal and holding brief conversations
with his subjects, which we're pretty
sure to terminate in some decidedly
unpleasant remark by the monarch.
One day he paused to speak to Jew,
but the wary Hebrew took 20 his heels.
The King pursued. and after brisk
chase overlook the flying subject.
why did you run away from me, raS-
CALI" Because" frankly admitted
the Hebrew, II was afraid" Fritz"
hit him a tremendous whack with his
cane. "Villain" he roared. II don't
want to be feared; l want to be loved"
MEN OF LETTERS.
A Wisconsin court has decided that
a husband can open his wife's letters.
Now, if there was only some way OF
getting a law passed compelling y
husband to mail his wife's letters some
time the same year that she gave them
to him the women wouldn't care y
snap about this other decision. And
then, perhaps, in the interest Of uni
versal peace, it should be made pen
itentiary offense for wife To give her
husband any letters TO mail; or, IL she
does, she should never again refer 70
them in any way. How is man TO
feel happy, how is he to have any feel
ing of peace or content in his heart al
day, when in the morning his wife
stands before him, holding one hand
hidden behind her back, and says
sWeetly, "Did you mail that letter |
gave you yesterdays" How does he
/ know whether that letter is still In his
inside coat pocket. whether he may
not, in moment OF temporary insan-
ity or transient alteration, have mailed
it? How can he be positive that he
did even If it isn't in his pocket, while
she stands in that misleading attitudel
| How does he know what TO sayY HOW
does he? | say, there's heaps Of law
needed on this subject before 1t can 10
satisfactorily adjusted.
AEAvEN's LAST, BEST GIFTEsS.
The Boston Globe has something to
say about a female equestrienne."
Amaricanne womenne, We may remark
| In passing. are as a rule better eques-
triennes than pedestriennes, although
that they do some tall walking on
their shopping circumstances is beyond
| questienne. Still, while she may shine
more brightly as rideress than as =
walkeress, let us never forget how
much We owe TO womenne as q cous-
mess, a sisteress' and wifess, and 30
let US always endeavor TO indicate her
sex so plainly that there may be no
mistake.
RIGHT FROM THE VIAL.
A scientific journal has an article
headed, How to Taste" We haven't
had time TO read IL, but our own idea
is that it depends great deal on
what you are going to taste. IL IL Is
quinine or castor oil or anything OF
that sort it won't require any previous
training or university education 20
enable you to taste all you want Of 1t
in one brief, hasty swallow. The poor
immigrant, who Is still sitting on q
green trunk in Castle Garden, and
hasn't been in this country long
enough even to make the Grafton at
the Constitutional Centennial or get
on tae police. can taste ii with one
hand tied behind him just as easily as
John l. Sullivan or President Eliot or
any other man OF science. But IL IL il
something real good. something that
you like better and get less Of than
any other man in America, you want =
neck yard long, full Of all sorts OF
back stops and hampers all the way
down. That Is the theory Of an un-
lettered man who tastes by main
strength and natural selection, and IL
fair Science thinks she has better
way we'd like 10 trot her one heat,
anyhow. just for fun
COLD DAY N SEPTEMBER
Family man. in great haste. rushes
into drug-store-b'g pawd'n-chem-
lists. ''Can you put this up for me
right away: In an awful hurry"
Drug store man reads prescription and
turns pale. I'm afraid | can't do IL
to-day, sir: II think We are out of
some OF the ingredients" Man Of
family takes back paper and reads:
Half a dozen safety pins;
Three nutrnegs;
a pound Of West Chester butter;
One quart cider vinegar: