Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-02-02
TO Make YOU SMILE.

!
though they do not receive many
kisses, yet have their lips chapped.
81 REACH and reach but cannot
grasp" writes a poet. This is the ex-
perieDce OF q good many people dur
ing this time of icy sidewalks.
IT is not surprising that Henry w.
Grady should be 80 gifted an orator
when it is remembered that he is ana
| tive of awiaw.-Boston Transcript.
NORTHERN Visitor-''Is this the Sun
ny South I've heard so much about ?"
Southern resident-"Yes, but you was
so long comm we put it on ice to keep
for ye."-Lite.
IRIsHMAN-"Is this the place where
yez saves money fur payple?" Cash
ier-"It is" Irishman-"Weli, let me
have what yez can afford, with
thanks. Judge.
1T is said that no travelling actor
has ever been killed on the railroad.
The travelling actor is {, man of large
experience, and invariably walks on
| the outside OF the track.-BOstOn
Transcript.
"Do you object to smoking Miss
Flo ?" asked young Dumley. 'sNot at
all, " replied Miss Flo. "But [ don't
want pa to see me. He's got sucn
old-fashioned notions about such
things, you know"
IF you have ever noticed the men
who occupy the front seats at the
theaters you must have remarked how
much more polite they are than the
ladies. They do not even wear any
hair.-BuriDgton Free Press.
CITIZEN (seeking free information) -
eff you had case of dyspepsia, doc
tor, what would you o?" Physician
81 would treat the patient with my
| best professional skill, and charge him
q fair price for t."-New York Sun.
CAsHIER-''L wish to marry your
daughter, sir. May have herr" Pro-
prietor (who has just been examining
the books)-"Well, suppose I had
better give my consent. [ want to
keep the money in the family" Chi
cago Rambler.
"GrTTIN' pay for that ?" he asked, as
he came along to where q man was
shoveling snow. "Not red" ''Then
you're g. fool" eyes, know it: but,
as I own the house and lot, don't
see how Pm to get around tide
| trOIt Free Press.
COUNTRY editor Ito subscriber
eyes, it requires brains to edit anews-
| paper and make a success of it,"
| Subscriber-"I s'pose it does. How is
the Bugle doingnow?" Country edit
or with q sigh-"Not very well.
Harper's Bazaar.
FATHER you should try
and be better boy. You are our
only child, and We expect you to be
| good" Tommy--"It amt my fault
that | am your only child. It's tough
on me to be good for b lot of brothers
and sisters | haven't got"
A GENTLEMAN whose son is a grad
uate of the university OF Texas to test
the young mans knowledge asked
him: "What's the difference between
the regular and the irregular Greek
verbs?" "We get more lickings try
ing to learn the irregular Ones" was
the reply.-Texas Siftings.
"MY DEAR" he whispered softly, as
they seated themselves on the tobog-
gan. ''if, on the way down, I should
ask you to be my wife, what would
you say?" "What would you do if |
should refuse?" she whispered. 81
should have to let you slice" he SIM
ply said.
MESSENGER Ito physician)-Mme.
Gatti, the singer, is i'll aud wants you
at once. Physician (calmly)-I will
be there presently. She often has
these little illnesses. Messenger-To-
night is her benefit night. Physician
| Tin alarm) Great heavens, she must
be dangerously sick!
HERON ALLEN charges $40 to look
at a hand, and is accused of being ex.
orbitant. We wish to say that if the
average reader will polish up his
| thinker he will readily recall several
occasions on which he has paiG g. great
deal more than this for the privilege
| of seeing One.-Puck.
| SYDNEY SMITH was always ready to
| amuse an evening company by cutting
paper into curious figures and by a
display of clever tricks, for all of
which his demand in payment was q
kiss from each young LADY present.
His biOgrepher tells us that his COM
pany was much sought after.-Sonler-
vile Journal
De BAGGs-"Bagley, l want to ask
you a delicate question. What was
| my condition when we parted last
night ?" Bagley-''You we're largely
loaded, my friend" ''Sure of that? ?"
"Quite. Why do you ask?" "Be-
cause my vile never mentioned it this
morning. thought perhaps I might
have gone home sober by mistake. -
Philadelphia Call.
Young man Ito Western young
1ady)-Yaas, I'm a, member of the
Fare and Hounds Club, y'know. At
last meet l was one of the hares.
Western young lady-What do you
mean by hare, Mr.. Sissy? Youngman-
They are called rabbits in this coun-
try, believe. Western young lady
| O, yes, those sweet little animals with
such long ears. How nice
"WHY!" exclaimed little Johnny,
when he heard his father telling about
somebody that was looking after the
loaves and fishes, "that's just what
mamma SAWS about Uncle Henry ~