Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-07-02
ENVOY
eURDeTTe.


witty and Incisi,e C",nJnents ON Cur.
rent Topics.
A Kentucky farmer has trained a lot OF
monkeys To work in his hemp fields Well
one soweth, another reapeth Many maj,
has ieaprd harvest Of hemp because OF
mo..keying around too much.
CLOSE AFTER HIN
The great American condor laws its eggs on
the surface of rocks 1900 feet above the
level Of the SEA. That's pretty high for eggs.
but at the latest market quotations the com
mon American hen wasn't very far below
the condor. A rise of another cent or two
a dozen will put the hen on top.
COLD PLACE FOR ENPERoRs
Scientists note great diminutlon of forest
trees in Russia and say it is because the eli
mate is growing colder all the time Russia
has always been a cold place 10 grow treason
That Is to say, 1t has the SIheriast climate in
the world. Now don't say that's Don thin,
my son. Neva be Nolga. even for the sake Of
Russia in joke. There now, take the COM
bination and run 1t out | like to see you
amuse yourself
RIGHT on TINE.
I'm sorry | can't accommodate vou, Mr..
Paperwait," said Mrs, McEerrel, shaking her
head resOlutelv. aS she often did of a Satur-
day evening, but all my boarders settle
weekly; my motto is Pay As you go" oh,
yes" exclaimed Paperwait, cheerfully, $50 is
mine, 81 is mime. But I'm not going Yet. YOU
know; Ill he here six months yet" And
happier man never vetoed hill
REGULAR PINNACLE
After leaving the railway station, which
WIS In the middle of prairie, the travellers
drove down hill half day and at sunset
halted at Summit heights, the new summer
resort. "Great Scott" roared the indignant
tourists, rs this basin your idea of a noun
tainf Your prospectus says your house is
800 feet above the level Of the sea" $50 it
is, gents" replied Barabhas, the host, for it
was he, so it is: above the level of the Dead
See. That's nigh about !, ,4O1 feet lower than
the bottom OF the ocean, ! reckon And
when the tourists thought upon their homes
in the Catskiils which they had abandoned
IN search OF summer board, they lifted up
their voices and wept, whereupon Barabhas
charged them extra bus fare for expressing
emotion. And il WAS So
BEYOND THE BREAKERS.
This is Pur' odd Government Rio. is it,
MI LSh'N'i. snheu tue SustOHleI.
'Oh, Yes, re,..cd the grocer that's coffee
from Coffeeville."
"But you charge as much for it as YOU did
last week, and have been told that the panic
in the coffee market had reduced the price
greatly
"Oh yes, know" said the honest grocer
ahstractedly removing a handful OF grains
from the scales to make them weigh more
but you know n break in the coffee market
has no effect or the price of chicory There
YOU are; 1. cents pound, and as youre an
old customer I've put up five pounds for 81;
the nutmegs IL cents, soap Is Yeast cakes 4,
clotbeepins 23-that was 81 bill You gave
mes Yes, Yes. 81 II out of s.; yeS YES, IL
cents, here YOU are; much Obliged; ca.i again
Oh no, We make no charge for delivering
goods
ALL OUT FOR wAYBACKi
"Oh, Rowena." exclaimed Voitigen Tape
measure, dropping on his knees without a
struggle, "your beauty fires my heart
NY daughter" said old Hengist Wheat
corner, entering the room, Il will divide the
contract with You; will fine the rest OF him"
W hich he did.
WITH ONE B OUT.
We have received a prospectus Of Seven
Gables, which is the name of a girls school
1t is an excellent school. but we don't take
much stock IN the new spelling reform that
leaves out one of all double letters.
A PILGRIMAGE OF SIGHTS.
"Life has been for me q succession Of sad
blows" said Mr Breather. "AhiT said the
new pastor, sympathetically. "Ies, indeed"
replied the parishioner; I've had the asthma
twenty-t years"
MIDSUMMER MADNESS.
Bring hither, bring hith-r my red bsudbox.
Bring hither my bandbox green,
And my bandbox brown from London town
And my box of silvern sheen.
"And it's oh for my trunk Of leather tough
And my trunk Of oak ribbed zinc.
And my trunk so tough. of canvas STUFF!
That will bulge, but will not shrink
"Oh, pile them high with the robes | wear.
Till their lids they overflow:
Ny lord he will stare, and eke he will swear,
But in they will have To GO
"Oh, waly, waly, my ladye fair
Now whittier aud will ye fees'
TO Mount Saint Bushallof WOrri-Ancsir
On Conyile-by -the-Sea-"
They have s-izen her boxes one and all,
In the Tavern Iaftte de- Kidd
And loudly for help the porters call, |
As they stack them up in entry and hall.
And pile them high against bulkhead and wall;
But wherever they stow them, great and small.
Far cut of her reach they are slid
Her n ON is a cell a fathom long.
Her ned is a thing Of fears,
Where all night long the noiseless song
OF the wingless bird she hears.
And her lord he lies in a hallway lone
On a sleep destroying cot,
Where she hears linn grOan in a wrathfui tone |
It's CHushy Its Csh. Hush hg-"bot!' |
And ali this time in their home in town,
A mansion of cool gray stone,
There are peaceful glooms in seventeen rooms, |
Where the burglar sleeps alone
brooklyn Eagle
More Unjust DISCRIMINATION.
Omaha Girl-Oh, oh!
Chicago Girl-W hats the matter.
THAT man winked at me.
THAT handsome man over therel"
"leS. the brute
Brute; l should say tie was a brute. He |
didn't even look at me Omaha World
She Knew What He Needed. |