Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-06-09
WIT AND HIMOR.
It's a wise child that resembles its
richest relative. DdaUiUe Breeze.

There are people who think so much
of themselves that others are shut out
and think nothing of them. -Neeo
Orleans Picayune.
Yes" said Fogg, .sas a success l
have always been a failure, but as a
failure | have been an unqualified sue
cess. accident NesOs.
| Speaking of drinking it may be OBJ
served that the man who 'scan take it
or leave it alone" most always takes it.
-Kinderhoob Rough Notes.
There goes a man who has great
deal of trouble with strikers, remarked
Jones. ''Why, is he hard employers"
s.No he's a candidate for office" -Ne10
York Sun.
/ The force of habit.-A banker to his
employs: 'sHere are 100 francs for a
present, or rather $3.50, for l have de-
Quoted p per cent for discount. =
French FIN.
'sAh, Jones, where away so fast this
morning?" ''Im off for the whaling
grounds" He was the district school
master on his way to the schoolhouse.
Boston Post.
Deacon-It pains me, Mr.. Boggs, to
see you coming out of a barroom.
Boggs-All right deacon! Anything to
save your feelings. I'll go right in
again. Judge.
''What's life-insurance?" asked one
boy of another 'sWell, s'pose," said
his companion, ''it's concern that
keeps a man poor all the time he's
alive so that he may die rich. "-LoaOeU
Times. =
Just commonplace mind-reader
could tell what nine-tenths of the young
women you meet are thinking about
nowadays. What could it be but that
new Easter bonnet? Journal Of Edu-
cation.
Yes" he said, 1--we been on Wall
street now for three years and have
made great deal of money" ''Rather
precarious business, isn't itp" mo
I'm in the retail liquor line. "-NeW
York Sun.
We can't for the life of us guess why
the Vassar girls are in such quandary
over wearing academic caps. We had
always supposed that girl would set
her cap whenever she got a chance
NeU Haven Ne1CS.
II hear" said Molecule, ssthat Trio
bite has lost his mind" ''Must have
been one that he borrowed then" said
Atom, she never had one of his own"
''Ahw said Molecule, II had forgotten
he was married. -Bardette.
First director-s'I am afraid we shall
have to pass dividend again"
Second director eve can't do it,"
Cant do it?" mo, The Interstate
Commerce law doesn't allow us to pass
anything. -Pittsbarg Chronicle
A sentimental writer asks: did
you ever watch dear baby waking in
the morning?" Many times 1t gen
orally occurs about o'clock, and en-
ables the father to get upa splendid
appetite for breakfasts Goods
Chronicle
II heard capital story last night"
observed an editorial writer of one of
our esteemed contemporaries to his
chief. ''All right" replied the latter;
ssput stutter marks in it and credit it
to the late Mr.. Travers.". Pittsbaea'g
| Chronicle.
The girl VINO keeps a diary faithfully
wants to be mighty sure that she keeps
it under lock and key. And if she
doesn't want to bring down her gray
hairs in SORROW to the grave she must
never read it over when she gets old
Journal Of Education.
Editor-E thelbert, has anyone called
during my absence? Ethelbert-Y Yes,
sor, Mr.. Murphy called for the rint,
sor. Editor-Mr. Murphy is an or
nithorhynchus.' -Phat's that
sor? Editor-It is derived, Ethelbert,
from two Greek words, and means
beast with a bill.-HaUard LampOon.
Between husbands ''Say, do you
ever read the letters that are addressed
tom YOU 'Nev e1t what 2h you have
absolute confidence in her?" 0, it is
not that. am afraid there might be
something disagreeable for me to know,
and I adore herr-Fremch Fan.
First charmer-'sO you haven't seen
my Easter bonnet, imported directly
from Paris. I can hardly forbear
wearing it right away. Here it is"
Second charmer-''O, that's horridw
First charmer- Why, you
mean thing. 1t cost hundred dol
lars. Second charmer-''O, how
sweet. -Pittsburg Dispatch.
Two Bohemians are seated in cab
aret: ''Garcon, some water cries
one of them. ssSome water" exclaims
the other ssWhy, what will you do
with it?'' Drink it." you must
have lost your head, old man. Why,
when you get your feet wet you catch
cold. Think of the consequences of
getting it into your stomach" French
Fam.
Eliza and Jane were two old maid
friends, and Jane broke the bond by
marrying. Her husband was con-
spicuously homely, and the first time
Eliza met Jane she said, scornfully:
ssGood gracious. Jane, why didn't you
marry monkey and be done with it?"
go" smiled Jane, sweetly, L thought
YOU might like to marry sometime, and
i I didn't want you to take your
last chance Washington Critic
/ A well known firm advertises
ssartistic gas fixtures" We have one