The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1887-10-14
miscellaneous.
IN TROUBLE WITH ms GIRL.
Assorted Chunks of Advice for the
Benefit of DOIefuI Lover

heneut Oh u DOIehut EION0F.
The following letter and answer are made
public in the hope that other persons
who may be afflicted in the same way as
| anxious Lover" will see them and be con.
soled thereby:
"Dedr Sir: l am in truble and come to
you for assistense. l am Going with lady
about Six mos, thought great deel of Her..
| thought that she had little wish for me
ALSO, went to see Her one night and all
though saw Her through the windo, her
! little Sister sed she wasent at home, queer
Another time called she seemed quite
distant. hardly taulked any,, which attri-
buted to Her being in Love with me-, ten
O'Clock she got up, said sheed have to retire
now, as She hatto get up early to do the
washing, and Good night.
81 forgot when leaving to make an apoint-
ment., l wrote in q few days after to find out
what time would l have the pleasure of see
ing Her not wishing to go there without the
expreshun ola wish from her., no reply, !
wrote in n week after and no reply, is 1t an
inuondo not to 60, or should have gone
without writing.
Can it be posabe she has ceesed to love
me-, for love Her deerly., what had better
do, ANXIOUS LOVER
This letter is printed gerbatim ct Hteratin,
" HVt tOHtpOo HtCfVto, w buOW ludL OuI COltC
pordent is in a really perturbed state OF
mind and language, and a fit subject for con-
dolence and advice. As our condoler and
adviser are in good running order, having
recently been refitted with the most APPROX
ed machinery, we cheerfully undertake the
task.
For this reason we are glad Anxious
Lover has referred his case to US. 1t Is our
especial delight to straighten out the course
of true love when it ceases to run smoothly
by judiciously shooting gobs of carefully
selected advice into the current.
There is not much dependence 10 be placed
on the not-at-home incident connected with
the first call. At first sight it looks like
what our correspondent so feelngly calls an
innuendo, but on second thought it may have
been moi thing more than common everyday
inslnuation. TIE young lady may have been
eating onions for supper, and so rendered
herself h0rS de combat, as the poets say, for
the time being. In that case the innuendo
was merely an act of charity and mercy. Still,
she was reprehensble in permitting herself
to be seen at the window while such mess
age was being delivered at the door, for her
motives were liable to be misconstrued.
Her motion for adjournment at ten o'clock
| on another occasion is more serious, as we
understand that true love-feasts usually keep
in later than that, unless damper is capped
on the services by the sudden appearance
of an irate and wild-eyed papa, which does
not seem to have been the case in this in
stance. In fact, the incident seems decided
| ly outre or nil desperandum perhaps both.
On the other hand, her plea that she had to
rise carly to do the washing tends to show
that she is capital prize in the matrimo-
NAL lottery, and it is possible that she threw
a. -. ,,,Aa t;tyn 20
pondent to invest further in tickets.
Her not answering the letters is suscepti-
BILE of explanation also. If they were writ
ten in the same brand of ortEography as that
used in the letter which reached the office,
she probably took them for new and inge-
NOUS puzzles, and is still trying to solve them.
Or she might have supposed them to contain
original poetry, and in consequence threw
them into the waste-basket. The ragged
edges of the lines would tend to deceive her
in that respect.
No, we can hardly regard it as an innuen-
do, all things considered, but possibly she
intends it to have discoucaging effect. If
So it would not be advisable to visit her in
person just now. Perhaps the best thing to
be done under the circumstances would be to
submit to her printed list OF questions like
the following, which could be sent in a
special delivery envelope or intrusted to
some quiet, unassuming book-agent to put
into her hands,
Do you love me?
ESQ, why so and how much?
If not, why not and to what extentP
Why did your sister say you were not at
home when saw you through the Windows
Are you addicted to fibbing9
Is it remittent or intermittent, or both?
VIII you swear off?
Why did you not answer my lettersP
Will you do SO again?
When will you marry meP
The list can be printed at our job office at
a trifling cost, and she would be able to read
it without calling in a autographed expert.
This should bring forth some sort of re-
ply, and a reply is what you want, Anxious
Lover. 1t Is the suspense that is killing you,
for unrequited affection. when not compli-
Gated by the presence of some other malady,
seldom proves fatal.
Should tho reply be unfavorable, do not
be discouraged. Remember that George
Washington found it difficult to induce a
woman to assist him in his arduous duties as
Father of his Country, but after several fail
ures he succeeded.
If the proud fair one on whom you are
layishing the wealth of your affections should
spurn you, be brave. Just shut of the lavish,
say "Rats p in large red tone of voice, and
then look out for another girl.
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