The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1887-08-06
The Paragrapher.

|
A Fire. escape Going to heaven wheI
you die.
The moaning of the ted is poetic
heading for the divorce column,--Chicdgc
Inter Ocean.
1t is the skirt of ladys ball dress tha
costs. The corsage doesn't come high
! B0stOr Courier
| The crow is the most rational OF blpeds
1t never makes noise without caws.--
! L0tceU Citizen.
How Bostonians speak Of Buffalo Bill
"Bison Americans Guilliamus. ~ ester
bury american.
The man who can raise the wind car
have any thing he wants nowadays Phil
adelphia Inquirer.
Self possession in young woman Is well
enough for a while, but she shouldn KEEP
it up too lOng-Puck.
The only banks that don't need constant
watching, these days are the river banks
ChdrIes.OWR Enterprise.
A great many selfmade men go crooked
late in life by following the bent of their
own inclinatiOns =. Ne,c Orleans Pic0yune
The difference between poor ball play.
er and black measles is that one strikes
out and the other strikes in.--Philadelphta
CdN
An exchange says: "Never make bet
with woman" In case of a winsome
woman this is no doubt good advice. -1id
Bits.
Only once was old Skinilint ever known
to give anything away, He gave violent
start when asked for dime.-Chdrlest0Wn
Enterprise.
A New Hampshire woman, l0l years old
has whooping cough, and hopes presently
70 adopt the measles and pair of panta.
lettes.-Judge.
A Newport girl is of such jealous dis.
position that she cries whenever she hears
of her fellow embracing lamppost --Ren.
hlchy State JOurnai
The inmates of the Minnesota peniten.
tiary are to have a newspaper. 1t Is eX.
pected to give the institution quite boom.
-PiHs6urg Dispatch.
A physician has discovered that the gall
OF rattlesnake will cure its bite. Pity the
same thing isn't true of a book agent
Burlington Free Press.
A young man going into politics should
give his character to the devil and his
PoChctuooh W ITO NIlS w ncu ht lcpcutS
he may be saved.--Picdwtne.
Don't Call very large, strong, sinewy
man a prevaricatOr. II you are sure he Is
a prevaricator hire another man to break
the news to him.-Irish Times.
Now that Craig Tolliver has been dis.
posed of, the only Americans in rebellion
are the thirty Apaches, "Loosh" Fairchild,
M. Halstead and the Iowa kuklux.-Chaca-
On Herald.
An American writer on Japanese decor.
alive art says that in decoration the Japs
know when to stop. We are glad to hear
of it, and will they please stop now San
francisco Altn
A Pittsburg paper advertises for "a boy
to do heavy work" Boys who would be
cought by an advertisement like that are
very scarce In this section.-Ne,o Haren
NeUs. Here too.
This Is the time of the year that the old
farmer says to the hired man; "Clean out
your COW stable for summer house. Our
city boarders will be here next week. -
Detroit Free Press.
Owing to the strictness which the prohi.
bition law Is now enforced In Wichita, Kan,
that lively city is known as the "Beerless
Princess of the Plains "-Erchange.
1t Is rumOred that the men who cheated
Jay Gould on railroad ties are In receipt of
very flattering offers from certain wide
awake dime museums. The Standard Oil
Company needs their services also--Er.
"My affection, dear maid, from you can.
not range,
My heart, ike my pocket, can never
D know change"
lid Bits.
Twas a six-dollar tile-to be brief,
But fat party brought it to grief;
For she sat on 1t fiat
What he said after that
We'd repeat-but we've turned q new leaf.
-7eras .Stttings
A little green apple hung up in tree,
Singing johnnie, come Johnnie, come
Johnnie!"
And it was as modest as modest could be,
Singing johnnie, come Johnnie, come
Johnniep
Ana Johnnie he came, In his sweet childish
way,
And ate up that fruit as his own lawful
prey
The angels In Heaven are singing today
Here's Johnnie Here Johnnie Here's
Johnnie!"
Most everything In this world is full of
deception. Few things are what they seem,
tut the results obtained for Dr. Jones Red
lover Tonic far exceed all claims. Ii re.
torres lost nerve force, cures dyspepsia, and