The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1887-04-06
Pith and Point.

are lnlIIN ulHeTbUL languages spoken IN
Boston.
WE violate no confidence when we say
that gentle spring has cold feet.--Boti-
more american.
A FLORIDA mother has two children, one
named Jefferson Davis and the other Abra-
ham Lincoln.
IT must be discouraging to the fool-killer
to realize how far behind in his work he is
getting.-LUe.
AS a rule, the man who complains the
loudest of a newspaper does the least to
support it. -Wdrhd'S Vineyard Herdld.
An English gentleman not long ago adj
vertised for a general servant " who must
be good plain cook and an earnest deist"
AN advertisement in Boston paper states
an active servant is wanted, " who must be
plain cook and able to dress a little boy
five years old"
THE Gar of all the Russas has at least
one consolation in the midst of all his
troubles. He is not bothered by life insur-
ance agents.-,St. PdW Globe.
THE Delaware peach-growers have an
nounced meeting for May, at which it will
be decided whether or not the peach crop il
a failure - washington critic.
SAN DIEGO, Cal. has one of the wisest
Chinaman in the world He is laundry
man, and he has kept an advertisement
running in the local paper for fifteen years.
a FIREMAN who had rendered efficient
service in fighting the fire fend in a western
city recently died. His companions sent
floral pillow, on which was inscribed "He
has gone to his last fire." The widow re-
ected the tribute.
DAVID STILES of Middleton, Mass, who
has been practical worker in iron with his
own hands for more than fifty years has
written an interesting letter to the Salem
Gazette, in which he shows by observation
that iron rots from age.
THE late Charles EoStpr waS ba ab1ac+
trickster | have yet seen and humbugged
the cleverest of people daily. He claimed
to work his miracles by the aid of spirits
and those who knew him will remember he
was under the influence of spirits most of
the time.-Perley
THE only possible objection that can be
| found with the house" said the landlord
after showing all the apartments, is the
absence of bathroom THAT doesn't
make any difference at all, replied the
would-be tenant We are anarchists. -
| Hdrper's Bdzdr.
ONE of the hardest sort of people was
asked to subscribe to some worthy object
! " can't" he replied: 81 must be lust be-
| fore am generous" Well, - said the one
who made the request, "let me know just
| before you are generous and I'll try you
again. "-TerdS Strings.
OLD party lin restaurant): Bout ten
years ago, waiter, | was in here and got a
| piece of steak that was as good as emmy
ever eat" Waiter: 4" Yes sab" Old party
Now you kin bring me another one jest
! like it, only don't have it quite so well
! done. "-Hdrper'S Bdzdr.
! GOETHE was not very fond of music Once
| at court concert at Weimar, when pianist
was in the midst of "A very long sonata, the
! poet suddenly rose up, and, to the horror of
! the assembled ladies and gentlemen, ex-
! claimed: " If this lasts three minutes longer
| | shall confess everything"
] ruu 1aaropfs Will 70 lot
| the text, and, leaning over to her scapegrace
| nephew, she whispered: Have you any
cards about you?' You can't play in
| church, was the solemn reproving answer
! and the good woman was so frustrated that
she forgot her Xt.-Cdt'drGUgUS Republican.
| If l were starting out in trade l should
want sufficient capital to enable me to adj
vertise freely. As a rule, those people who
advertise freely get the trade. If you will
name the three largest advertisers in any
! town | will name the three firms that sell
the most goods" 4 Looker-on," II, Boston
! Journal
"You put your foot in it nicely tonight"
said Mrs Sweetspeech How is that"
| asked her husband. When you told Mrs.
! Fourthly that you were sure her husband
| pie" Well, what of that?'' "Why, her
husband is "A preacher" "Zounds l
thought he was a sheriff ''-Erchdnge.
IT is said that years ago a gypsy fortune
| teller told Emperor William that he would
| live to the age of ninety-siX. And strangely
| enough, it is said that twenty years later an
Hungarian countess. who possessed the gift
of chiromancy, and who knew nothing of
| the previous prediction examined his hand
and predicted exactly the same thing.
A HEALTH expert says that the best time
to take foot-bath is not at night, but in the
middle of the forenoon, when the vitality
is at its highest point. Imagine the editors,
reporters and compositors of an evening
paper stopping to take footballs in the
middle of the forenoon, when their vitality
is at its highest .-Sprinqfeld Union.
The Cardiff giant is getting to be quite
ubiquitous. The other day it was stated
that the MeXicans were gazing on it with
wonder at FL Paso, Texas. Later it was
affirmed that it was in the possession of
| Mrs Colt of Fitchburg, and now it is stated
! that the original and genuine humbug is
buried under Days theater in New York.
A PENNSYLVANIA farmer who blew out
the gas in a Chester hotel noticed just as the
| flame was extnguished little green tag
attached to the burner. He got into bed,
but his curiosity to know what was on that
tag led him to get up again, light the gas.
and look, He saw printed on the tag: " DO
not blow out the gas, as ii will cause imme-
! date death"
Down in Kentucky the other day runa-
way mule dashed into house where red
headed girl was playing Sweet Niolets "
| on cottage organ, ana kicked Ine lnSlru-
ment into such little fragments that they
had to be removed with a patent carpet
sweeper. Yet people will probably con-
tinue to go right on making faces at destiny
Just as though there We're no limits TO
patience, even in "A mule
AN obliging guest: a resident of the
| Provinces had come to spend few days
with some relatives in Paris. Becoming in
fatuated with the gay capital, he remained
until patience on the part of his hosts ceased
TO be virtue. Too polite to openly remon-
strate, they threw out "A hint: Don't you
think, my dear fellow" they said TO the
bore, that your wife and children must
miss you?" " No doubt. Thanks for the sug-
! gestion. I'll send for them. French Joke.
THE meanest man lives in West Castle
ton, n. Y. At the beginning of last month
he made wager with his wife that she
couldn't drink quart of milk day for
thirty days in February If she did he was
to give her new silk dress If she failed
she was to buy him new suit of clothes,
| The guileless and unsuspecting woman
! finished her sixteenth quart of milk (after a
heroic struggle with her rebellous stomach)
before she discovered that February had
but twenty eight days.
CAGE cannot wither il nor custom state
its infinite variety" Flesh is hardly heir to
an ache or pain which cannot be cured by