Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1887-06-23
THE Rerald's Omnibus,
About the Patent Medicine Circus.

each peculiar temperament seems
to call for. from every passing event.
The late German-Indian Patent medicine
circus on deck near the depot two
weeks ago, furnishes point upon which
it is easy to remark that any number
of people cannot agree about any thing.
Almost every mine produces peculiarities
in its minerals found in no other, and time
nor fire will not remove them. The
miner rocks his gold in the pant may
be light or dark yellow. Crock the
cradle, john" but would not give
penny for your notion of what you've
got. People are born, they live they
die-that is the gold. But who can ac-
count for their peculiarities-their colorP
"A GOOSE my grandam one day said,
"Enteringa barn, pops down his head"
begged her then the cause to show;
She told me she must waive the task,
For nothing but goose would ask
What nothing but a goose could know.
The ''All-around" might rave about
the audacity of a long-haired quack.
Then all who felt that way would say
''amen,n and "the faithful" would
groan in pity for our ignorance. Or
he might tell of some of the wonderful
cures that are said to have been effected,
and receive the embraces of 1.-THE faith
full together with the scathing remarks
of the unbelieving. But the call
around" having always asserted that it
is best to let people do just about as
they please, SO long as they obey the
statute laws and don't impose upon each
other, and also that it is better to laugh
than be signing, viii only speak of the
humorous side of the ''free-show" and
of the people who attended it.
For the benefit of those who did not
attend we will say that the show was
held under good-sized canvas. Through
the center of the tent was stretched a
long rope. On one side of the rope
platform was erected, and seats occu-
pied the space each side of the platform
on which you could sit down by paying
ten cents ''shust vor accommodation. !"
The other side of the rope was an open
space where people could stand free of
cost. Every few moments the rope
from being PRESSED upon by the
crowd would unite at one end and fall to
the ground and the people would stand
upon it. Then muscular fellow dressed
in tights would get hold of the loose end
and Junk it up with all his might. Those
ladies and gentlemen who did not turn a
backward summersault found themsel-
yes in an awkward position-half of
him or herself on one side and the
other half the other side of the rope, and
flights" would tie it up thus, leaving
the unfortunate to get themselves to-
gether again the best way they could.
The performance began each evening
with tumbling by a boy who was about
eleven years old and dressed in green
tights He performed very well. and
after getting off the platform wonld
dart along the rope and slap the town
boys in the mouth in way that was
highly amusing-to himself Next a
robust German with spectacles and a
violin would mount the platform and
announce that 81 am die original author
of die 'Mocking Bairdt,' and L blays it
to you as composed and blayt 1t
swancy years ago." A healthy looking
German lady accompanied him with a
lguitar. After an encore and "Sweet
Violets." the ''supes'' brought boxes Of
medicine, human skull and shin-bone
onto the platform, and the long-haired
doctor" followed with reliable tread
and majestic mien. His speech was SC
broken that it was almost impossible to
Igrasp his meaning. After passing his
hand across his forehead he said: 81
wash born in Arabia, und / can shpeak
der German language besser as l can
die English" Then he paused and
cast his black eyes onto the seats and
said, "You will take 'em oGd. | come
not here my lectures to be disturbed"
and several squalling babies were
carried out through the dense crowd by
Indignant mothers. After the lecture
the doctor devoted five minutes to SELL
| ing medicine at one dollar bottle. The
dollars showered plentifully while the
band played an exciting tune and the
"supes" rushed hither and thither with
bottles containing water, quinine, harris
horn, laudnum and brandy.
One man in town wanted to buy a
bottle, so he went to local doctor who
had been doctoring his family for years
without recompense and tried TO bor-
row dollar with which TO purchase,
but be didn't get the dollar.
A lady was arguing in favor of the
medicine when her opponent asked,
"What is the medicine good for, any
wayP" "Well," she replied, hesitating
a moment, "lt's good for what ails
mer'
A specimen joke of the show: Irish
man Professor, rich friend pre-
sinted me wild house and lot" Pro-
fessor-" That wash nice. Vat kind of
house and lot wash it?'' Irishman-
GA dog house and lot of pups"
After the first course of medicine was
disposed of, and more gymnastics were
perpetrated, another lot of medicine
and specimens were brought on.
The long-haired doctor held up a large
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