The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-04-13
bAnGERs o. ETIQUETTE.
why Bill Nye Has No Political Aspirations
of National Character.

/ sincerely and honestly DeIeVe InaC
the matter of official etiquette and pre-
cedence at Washington is becoming
matter of such grave Importance, and
| holds so many elements of horror for
those who might otherwise aspire to
the chief office within the gift of the
people, that it will ultimately be the
means of keeping many a good man
out of the presidential chair. 1t is,
therefore, with the gravest apprehen,
sions that look forward to the time
when our forests shall be denuded and
our presidential chair deserted and I'M
squat upon.
What can be more desolate to the eye
or more depressing to the heart than
forest devoid of trees or a presidential
chair, worn smooth by past greatness
and polished by sedentary power, de-
serted at last, with none to soothe its
| lacerated heart or WOO the hOrse-hair
back to its torn bosom?
We are prone to think now, because
the elm, the oak, the chestnut and the
hickory wave in the glad sunlight, that
the day will never come when wood
| will be much sought after and our
! woOdsheds mockery. But that time
may come before we are prepared for
it. So, too, we may flatter ourselves
| that the day is far distant when help
| will be so scarce that we can not get a
| President easily at the salary we now
paw: but what do we do to make the
life of President enjoyable? What
home influences do we throw about him
10 bic IOt moro (.baaIfulp
We spend our time and money in
irving to brighten the hours of the felon,
but we forget that the President of the
| United States is frequently more sus-
ceptible to kind treatment than the
most gentle felon in all the land. We
are prone to forget that the President
of the United States was once pure as
the beautiful snow.
Every year we add to the duties of
the President without adding to his
salary. Each year we call upon him to
veto more bills than he did the year
before, and, while we do not add to his
perquisities, we tread more and more
chocolate-cake into his carpet and
assure him that we are still tickled TO
see him.
A condition of things has already az
rived where in the primary department
of our schools the prospect of becoming
President of the Republic in the bosom
of the golden ultimately no longer
draws. To become a contortionist or a
pugilist might be an inducement in
many cases, but to be a lonely, neg
lected President, doomed perhaps to
81 4 &c 1Nofinnf1Tv
vetoing bills all the forenoon and then
wringing the warty hands of cynical
constituency in the afternoon, then
patiently borrowing dishes of a neighbor
in order to give a state dinner or enter
tain the chairman of the board of super
visors from Costa Rica, will never again
promote the industry among boys that
it used to.
Perhaps other people haven't the
strong repugnance for etiquette that
seems to be inherent in my nature. l
hope not. Etiquette is my bette motre.
That is about all the bette MORE [ have
had for years.
Whenever / am invited to any large
doings where fair women and brave
men in their other clothes are apt to
congregate, always inquire if there is
to be any etiquette there. The presence
of etiquette at an otherwise happy
gathering has frequently debarred me
from attending and compelled me to
spend the evening with my family,
where 1 could lay aside all restraint
and my coat.
So, the life of President, fraught as
it is with the most virulent and malig
nant form of etiquette, would possess
no charms for me, and l am not sur
prised that the boys of America refuse
to rise as one man and be President,
fearing very naturally that some time
at state dinner they might get the
great men mixed up and have the error
telegraphed and cabled right and left,
or at some official festival and hurrah
to a Plenipotentiary the wrong place
might be assigned to the delegate-at-
large from Farther India, and the wife
of the clergyman from Sweden find her.
self drinking from the mustache cup
that properly belonged to the minister
from Nova Scotia.
l am sure that / am not pessimistic
or any thing of that kind when 1 say
that etiquette is destined to make itself
so prominent as part of official life at
Washington that plain American citi-
zen, with small bag of sulphur tied
around his neck and a consciousness
of rectitude in his heart and smooth
potato in his pocket to keep. off rheuma-
tism, will be seen there no morei
Other nations have given themselves
over to the false joys of etiquette, and
where are they to-day? Empires, powers
and principalities have in former times
forgotten their duty to the common
people in order that they might devote
themselves to the r. S. V. P and P. P.
G. business, or that they might work {.
wedge of custard pie under a big red
mustache by means of a four-tined
fork, and where are they now? Other
and more democratic nations, who
drank their tea from saucer with
great satisfaction and low, purring
sound have conquered them.-BtU Nye,