Morning journal and courier., 1887-07-27
NOT MISSED,

She Was Still There-'And so your father has gone to missionary station" "Yes; we are quite alone now" fDon't you miss the directing hand of your householdf' "Oh, mother didn't go."-Tid- Bits.
 "My dear," said the elegant MT. Smooth emdown to his wife, "why this unprecedent- ed delay in the preparation of the matutinal refreshmenta" "You old fool, you, if you mean why breakfast ain't ready, it's because you were too lazy to git up and split the wood. ."-Detroit Free Press.
 The clerk of a hotel in Plymouth, Mass, says that party of travellers recently stopped there and registered as follows: Mrs. A. P. w. and grandson, grandson's aunt, aunt's sister, sisters brother-in-law, brother in- laws daughter, daughters aunt, aunt's sis ter sisters brother and brothers wife. Arl- ington. n."-Hotel Mail.
 It is claimed now that the telephone was invented in 1885. It did not come into gen eral use, however, because the word 'hello" was not invented until some years later. If you will try it a few times, you will under stand why it was utterly impossible to run the telephone by saying "Prithee, friend" or ssOdds boddikins, man," or "Give thee good morrow, sirrah." No wonder the tele- phone was a failure.
 Customer-You are a swindler, liar, a thief, a-a-
 Merchant-Don't get oxzitedt. Dake dose
  don'd ged oxzitedt. It's pad for your heldt.
 Customer-Well, I'll write it down. Now how does that suit you!
 Merchant-Precizely, mine frent. geds putty quick after you vid dose laws aboudt lipel, aind't it?-Omaha Herald.
 Just as Sis Said-Mr. De Sickly has called upon Bobby's sister, and is waiting for that enters in the meantime. De Sickly (with a grin)-"How de do, Bobby? Don't you know mel Come and tell me what's my name" Bobby-"Well, sir, if it ain't just as Sis said! you haven't sense enough to know what your name is. If you'll wait a minute, I'll find out for you. heard pa say he had you on the list, so guess he must know your name. "-Texas Siftings.
 She-''I saw a funny thing in the paper. It says that somewhere out West the weather is so hot that farmer who went into his cornfeld found that all the corn had popped. It must be awfully nice to have such wealth er."
 He-"Why, what are you talking about, Think how you'd suffer-" perhaps, other things besides the corn might pop"
 Philanthropist-My dear little children, you should not play in these dirty alleys. Don't you like the public parks! Ch1ld-On, yes; they are DeautlIul "Yes, indeed, and you should go to them as often as possible, breathe the fresh air and learn to love the beauties of nature" "Yessir."
 "Remember, my dear little ones, that God made the country, but man made the town. Now, my good little girl, tell me what you ! first observe when you visit those delightful homes of nature ?"
 "'Keep off the grass. .'"-Omaha World. Honesty's Dividend.-Robinson- had I to discharge young Blinkins to-day. He was l not honest" Brown-"Sorry to hear so. He l supports his widowed mother, too. What ! was the troublea' Robinson-"He found a postage stamp on the floor and kept it; he should have turned it over to the office. " | Brown-'Of course. By the way, it's rain | ing. Got an extra umbrella2" Robinson '.You can take my old umbrella. I have a | new one." Brown-"Hello where did you get that silk affair."" Robinson-s'That hal | ha Great joke. You see, went into the Stock Exchange to look after little deal in wheat. A shower came up and when was ready to go just picked this up in the lob by." Brown-"Wish had your luck. And ! how about the wheat deal ?" Robinson 'fOh, we skinned lem alive, Brown, skinned lem alive. ."-Omaha World.