The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1887-03-31
WIT AND HUMOR.
THE FAsHIoNABLE FEEDER.

And the pigs in the alley with one accord
Sauealing: .walow, hog wallow, hog wal
low
"No wonder we're left in the alley and street.
Shut out from the banquet and those who
With that style of manners we-cannot COM
oh, wallow hog wallow, hog walIow.''
Washington Critic.
The umbrella with the solid silver
handle stays borrowed" as well as any
other.
The 'glass of fashion" during cold
weather -Four of Scotch, hot!'-
Funny Folks.
The cost of the cigars and whisky of
the average man would buy his wife a
$500 sealskin sacque, but it doesn't
Burlington Free Press.
E The rack was one of the instruments
of torture in the olden time. The
music rack is usually used for the same
purpose to-day.-Boston Manufacturers
Gazette.
: Tramp am in need of little
shovel show?'' II haven't TIME. y
s.How SOP '.All my time is taken up
i'm begging. .''-Ieras Sttfings.
There was once time when we
Hxondered what the difference was be-
tween an alderman-at-large :. and
plain, everyday alderman. We think
Ee perceive Indifference now.-LJe.
Little boy pulls reveler in saloon
by the coat-tail. ''Wh.t do you want,
Tommye'' ..Come home, pa. Ma has
been waiting with the poker for you
for the last two hours. ."-1eras Sift-
sngs.
An inventor at Stuttgart is said to
have perfected a machine for deadening
the sound of piano 1t will not be
success. The only sure way to keep
piano quiet is to deaden the pianist
Utica Observer.
A Massachusetts soldier who was
prisoner in Libby advertises for some
one s.who can remember whether he
had Boston baked beans served him or
not" If not, he will apply for pen
eion.-Detroit Free Press.
..If there is anything l like better
than classical music,' said Maj. Bran
1igan in a high voice, as he moved
with the throng out of the concert
room, ..it's lemons. They both set my
teeth on edge. San Francisco Post.
First Knight of Labor-'.What do
you suppose Smith said the first time
he saw that baby of his?" Second
Knight-..Give it up. What did he
eayP'' First Knight s'Let's make a
knight of it.''-Burltngtom it. Free Press.
Western highwayman Ito supposed
merchant) )-Halt, and throw up your
hands! Traveller (shaking his sleeves)
There they are, eight aces and eight
kings. Highwayman-Say, pard, can
YOU gimme a chew? - New Hare1
Nesos.
Father Ito daughter)-"Have you
accepted the addresses of Mr. Money
bags?" Daughter = "Yes, papa" "
Father-ssWell, isn't he very old my
dear?' Daughter-.sYes,p papa; but he
isn't nearly as old as l wish he were. "
-Neuo York Sun.
..Well, 1 declare exclaimed Mrs.
McSwilligan, ..if one of those Chicago
Anarchists isn't going to be married.
/ think it's rank shame" 80 do |, ~
replied her husband. Il think hang
ing is punishment enough for him. y
Pfhs6urg Chromicle.
Connoisseur Cooking at the picture
of a female ead)-"Ah! Here's some
thing worth looking at. One of the
old masters; no doubt of it" His
daughter-..Why, pa, how blind you
are gettingl Can't you see it's wo-
?"-Boston Transcript.
Mother-..Good night, Robbie; don't
pNl,h
s.But mamma. don't have to say my
prayers any more" Mother-''What
do you mean?" Robbie-'sWhy l
forgot to say them last night and
was all right this morning. ."-Harcard
Lampoo's.
Sweet girl-'.And so you have been
ON the plains for ten years?' Hand
some cowboy-.'Yes, this is the first
time I've. been back iuto real civiliza-
tion." Now, please tell me, in that
eonely life, so far removed from the
refining influences of-civilization, you
know-what did you miss most?''
s'Oysters. ."-Thc Judge.
There is young businessman in this
city who is suffering from the curious
epistOlary freak of some crank. Every
day this month he has received let
ter in his morning mail consisting
simply of card on which are printed
these words: did You Ever See q
Man Who had Hare Lip? If so, Serve
the Lord; for He Alone Can Save. -
NeU York Tribntne
A few months ago the newspapers
announced that girl had been born
in Indiana without any mouth. 1t was
at first regarded as a serious calamity
but as every man in indiana seems tC
be born with two or three, with the
power of acquiring as many more as
soon as he goes into politics, the cir
herself will be the only sufferer. There
are mouths enough in Indiana to &C
round.-Burdette.
He-The movement against the high
hat nuisance is getting quite boom
isn't it? She-They are making lot
of talk about it in the newspapers, bu
they will never make me take off my
nat in public hall-never. He
think might bring it about my dear
If were to cut off your allowance. L
you didn't have a new hat every 81,
weeks you might not object SO much ts
ats removal.-LoaceH Citizen.
A negro in Alabama was brought NJ
for stealing pair of chickens, but de
clared solemnly that he ''didn't stea
dem ar fowls" declaring, on the othel
hand, that the complainant had beatel
him brutally with club. But" sait
the judge, '.you are twice as large ant
strong as he is; why didn't you defent
yourselfP" "Why, jedge, see hyar;
had a chicken in each hand, an what
two raw chickens agin' club?''-Lite
Manager Ito supernumerary) :.
am going to give you small part il
the new play; do you wish your rea
name on the bill, or will you use al
assumed name?" Supe-'I guess
will use an assumed name" M
"Very good: what shall it be?" s.
"Sig. Vermicelli M. That's
hi gh- sounding name; why do you us
Vsrmicelli? Got it out of a cookbook
d. .you?" S.-..Yes. and | use it be
case 1 am a supe, you know.'-