The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-06-09
glashes of Gnm,

husband.
A young lady at a ball called her escort
an Indian because he was con her trail"
all the time.-HarBord Sunday Journal.
Judge-"Have. you a statement to
make ?" Prisoner-"No, your honor; 1
don't want to commit myself" Ninety
DAYS, sir.''-Phindezphia Call.
"What is the interior of Africa prin-
cipallv used for? p asked a teacher of the
class in geography. "For purposes of
exploration" answered the head boy.
"Ah! good evening, Mrs. Brown. Is
your card full ?" "No, MI. Smythe, but
my escort is, and if you will kindly take
me home I you'd be so much obliged
Life.
"The prisoner at the bar seems to be a
very smooth-looking fellow" said aspec-
tator to the sheriff: ayes; he was ironed
lust before he was brought in" responded
the officer.
Small Man furiously)-"W Who struck
nv friend2" Large Man (contemptuous-
lO-"I did, what of it? Small Man
fimidly)-"N'n'nothing! but (struck
with a bright idea)-didn't you hit him
a daisy paste 7"-Harvord Lampoon.
A pretentious person was praising a
small bottle of wine to Daniel Webster
(who was lunching with him), and de-
scanted at length on the fact that it was
over a hundred years old. cit is very
little for it's age" quietly remarked Web
ster.
= Pompous and irritated traveller to an
Arkansas landlord-"Didn't you ever
have a gentleman stop with you before?"
Landlord Surveying him critically)-Be
you a gentleman 2" Traveller-"Yes, sir,
T am" Landlord-"Then I never had
one to stop with me before"
At Smoking Concert.-Herr Professor
-"You half a remargably bowerfulf oice,
my vrent!" Basso-"Yes; do you think
it will fill St. James Hall3" Herr Pro-
fessor-"Fin St. Chances Hall Ach, my
vrent, it will not only fill st. Chames'
Hall-it will empty it!"-PmcA.
In the Flower Market-"Ho much
are these lowers?". asked handsome,
well-dressed gentleman. II want them
for my wife"
"Really, for wife2' exclaimed la mar.
chande, astonished; her I'll throw off SO
per cent."-Tsras Syjdhngs.
Hostess-"Why, Mr.. Awfulbore, you
have honored me with every dance this
evening. 1 am afraid" MI. Awfulbore
with great condesension)-"Ah! I dare
say. But don't mention it, I pray. Cap
ital Joke. It's only to cut the Brown
girls, you know."-Harper's Bazor.
First Omaha Child (proudly)-"We're
going to St. Fashion Springs this sum-
mer." Second Omaha Child (sympathet-
ically)-"T's sorry your papa is so poor"
"Why is that being poor?" "Of course.
We don't have to go to any springs.
We've got a filter. Omaha Herald.
Up in Washington county, N. Y, a
ragged man, with a bottle of whiskey IN
his hand, said to a farmer that he met on
the road: Will you tell me if this is the
way to the poor houses" "No, it is not
answered the farmer, and then pointing
to the bottle of whiskey, he added, but
that isl'
"You know, of course" said the old
man to the young man, "that my daughter
has 800, 900 in her own right?"
Eyes, sir"
"And you are not worth a cent"
"Tm poor, sir, but great Scott, 100000
is enough for two! Why, I'm economical
to meanness."
A woman hastily stepped up to a
brakeman of a train on the New Haven
railroad, at Stanford, and screamed out:
els this the right train ?" Where to2'
politely asked the brakeman. "Oh, you
fool! Don't you know where you're go
ing ?'- cried the woman, as the train
started, and left her standing on the plat
form.
Excited Wife-"Oh! John! John!
Quick! Stop fumbling behind that
bureau and Il for a doctor" Half
dressed Husband" What is the matter
with you, anyhow 2 "Baby has swal-
lowed your collar. button Chow on
earth do you expect me to get ready to
90 for a doctor without that collar but
tor? /"
." SO your son went over to Mexico"
said a man, addressing a, friend. "Yes."
"Did he like the country; that is, does he
live WELL 7" "Wel1 he doesn't live at all;
but they tell me that he died as well as
anybody ever did. Died right off with
out any foolishness. I tell you what, Jim
was not a, halfway man."-Arhunsaw
Eauees:..
Boston City Offcial-"Anything wrong
with your money, miss2"
Schoolmarm-" Yes, you gave me a
counterfeit fifty cent piece when I got
my salary Yesterday" - D