The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1887-12-01
SRSTABLISHED IN
I MARCH, 1S45.
THE MERRY SIDEI


When Kentuckian gets mad he goes out and
gets his enemy to kill him.
The Democratic party is clingipg to New
York-like tick to a bear.
80
"Theres reason in all things"-except the
man who thinks he knows it all.
Men are like ears OF corn-the ragged covering
does not always indicate a bad heart.
The Southern heart has been fired at last-the
woods are burning along the Mississippi.
80
Appearances count for nothing. Every dead
beat with pony and a slouch hat isn't cow
boy.
There's slight breaking in the weather. By
hustling, now, man can eat his dinner before
dark.
The Democratic war-cry used to be "nigger in
the wood-pile." Now it is "nigger in the School
House."
Cleveland has joined riding-school. His ve-
toes will hereafter be dated Headquarters In
the Saddle"
1t is bad sign TO hear Democrat howl about
Republicans using whisky at elections. What
is he afraid of?
DIR. Parker came over to preach religion to
Americans-Sullivan went over to beat sense
into Englishmen.
The most melancholy threat-to see an old
maid singing "the lips that touch liquor shall
never touch mine."
Yes. there's such thing as being "loved to
DEATH" Get the good opinion of a bore, once,
and you'll find it out.
Think of peanut-eater in Georgia having
ten times as much political power as a citizen
of Ohio! Wave the old shirt!
Two men fought prize fight in Wilkesbarre,
last week, and dog Joined in. After they were
separated, the dog ran and hid.
80
After man drinks for thirty years to "drown
his trouble" he only finds out that the old trou-
BILE gets tougher all the time.
The name of the coming English lecturer is
Haggard. That will be the name of the Amer
ican public when he goes back.
Miss Nellie Cook, Of Wayne County, N. Y,
ran for office, and got husband. Girls, there's
something in women's rights, after all.
''The right must prevail"-for a Pennsylvania
prize-ghter broke his left all to pieces over his
opponents head one day last week.
Bill Baldwin, of Chattanooga, killed Onicer
Howard, and tried to kill two other officers.
That was about the time Bill died
-
It is told of an Ohio minister that he took quiz
nine before preaching, to make him bright.
The congregation took-its departure.
'The Attorney General has given a decision
as to land grants" The decision which holds
best, however, Is a six-shooter, with plenty OF
gall.
The poets have struck bottom. They have
gotten down to Herr Most t. Under the circum-
stances they ought to strike bottom, too.
Watterson says "no Ohio man will be Presi-
dent" Then John Sherman will move out OF
the State before the election-and take Joe For.
aker with him.
IAN Ohio farmer dug twenty-three potatoes
from three hills that aggregated sixty-three
pounds in weight
That's nothing. We've seen much heavier
hills.
We're even with the Bulls. John Sullivan
created greater furore over there, with his big
maulers, than did Oscar Wilde over here, with
his big sun-fower.
Had the Democratic State Committee done as
much work in the State at large as it did in
Hamilton County, the result would have been
fan, ,fr.IT Gov TNar,o %z1 - r,Inf4
Democrats volunteer the information as tc
| what States Cleveland will carry next year
Why, friends, you told us Powell would carry
Ohio.
The young man who sent the sinfernal ma.
chine" to Chief Justice Waite will not be prose.
cuted. The authorities found out that he part
ed his hair in the middle.
| story has been started that an attempt had
| been made to resuscitate the body of August
| Spies. A mistake, Mr.. Anarchist. When you're
gone, you're gone. Nobody VIII want to bring
you back.
An aerolite Weighing three tons fell in Am.
sterdam, N. Y, last week. If you had been
there shortly afterward you'd have thought the
name of the town had been changed by Topping
off the first two syllables.
One of the famous White House dining room
mirrors was broken last week. We wouldn't
blame old man Cleveland if he'd smash every
looking glass about the place.
We would be willing that Ben. Harrison OF
Indian should bead the Republican ticket next
year, provided the Republicans would not
make fun of the Democratic candidates breech-
es. Ben. tried old "Blue Jeans" Williams once
and was left.
Fred. Golsch, a young Cincinnati Dutchman,
rushed into salool crying "Hoch die Anar-
chie!" There wasn't any running, or faintlng.
The bartender just walked around and pound
ed the dynamite out OF him.
"Ex-senator Doolittle is In favor of allowing
the women representation in the ballot-box by
permitting each man to cast two ballots"
What an idea! What lady would be willing to
have her vote traded off for drink of whisky7
raIner-'hy DOy, why uon y yOu ~ w WoAA
and earn a living, instead of loaflng half your
time. and living off of me?"
Boy-"Half loaf is better than no bread"
-"
friend has handed us the following peril
nent paragraph:
"Say, Mr.. Standard, how's this? What Is the
difference between Illinois and Wellston? Give
it up? Well, out in Illinois they had Drive
Wells and the supreme Court declared the
patent N. q. WelIston has the WELLS DRIVE,
and the people have declared 1t o. K.
"(Copyright applied for.) NJ"