Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1887-01-13
MUGGINS' ADVENTURES.
Most Extraordinary Tales Which Contain
ed One Indisputabie Bit of Truth.

/ Most Extraordinary Tales Which Contain
| ed One Indispensable Bit of Truth
| It Is singular the nallucin ations that
/ viii get possession of a man when he
has been drinking a little too much.
, Now there is Muggins. a temperate and
truthful man as rule, but when he is
! a little ''off'-for he gets that way
once in awhile-he tells the most extra
ordinary tales of his adventures by
land and sea-pure fabrications, all of
them. He imagines that he has been
everywhere, met everybody and seen
every thing, when the fact is that he
was born and raised in the village
where he resides and was never more
than twenty miles away from home in
all his life. He has travelled lin his
mind altogether. He quite believes
all that he is relating while the spirit y
is on, but mournfully repudiates it all
the next morning.
Then you wasn't on four years
whaling voyage when a boys'' said
man TO whom he acknowledged that his
tales of the night before were all made
out of whole cloth.
Whale notnin'." said Muegins.
gloomily. Il don't see why 1 need to
tell that peskv lie every time 1 get full
The only experience had in whaling
was when dad whaled me-
You said you went before the mast -
1T was lie: the mast went before
ne, long enough
Never heard a more entertaining
story in my life continued the man.
than you gave me of going around
the Horn. =
We'll, I didn't go around any horn
while l was telling it. did I?''
You said terrible storm came up
every body Just frightened TO death ex-
cept yourself The captain told you to
take the helm
Did I state where he wanted me to
take it top said Muggins with bitter
sarcasm.
The thunder rolled. the lightning
flashed
In the pan"
And there stood the Horn. perfectly
erect and over one thousand feet high.
But you got around it,
You bet I did. would get around
any thing with a quart of beer in ME.
But its lie, every word of it. Never
even saw the sea.
'"Oh. but the whales you used TO catch,
You welded the liveI1est harpoon in the
business.
I've hung my harpoon the will
low - sighed Muggins
'.'ButI say, Muggins.' continued his
tormetor, there isn't any doubt but
that you fought in the Mexican war, is
there?''
Never fought nothin', I tell YOU"
said Muggins, pressing his hands to his
throbbing temples.
What, Wasn't you the first man to
wade the Rio Grande. carrying the stars
and stripes high over your head? Didn't
you capture Santa Anna single handed,
receiving the thanks of General Taylor
as you led your prisoner into camp by
the coat coIIar2 You said so, you
know
4 suppose did," groaned Muggins.
.'What fool man will make of him
self when the wine is in and-and his
wife is out,''
We'll, Mr. Muggins,' said the man,
II begin to doubt some of the other
statements that you made to me last
night. seriously question whether you
gave Morse his ideas about the mag
netie telegraph, or invented the tele-
phone, or suggested the liberty statue
to Bartholdi, or knew Columbus in the
old country, or went up In the first bal
loon. or was drunk"
Hold on,'' cried Muggins: IF said
I was drunk there was one bit of truth
that told last night. Let's shake on
that
So they shook-each other, and part
ed.-Te1as Stfttmgs.