The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1887-11-09
WIT AND HUMOR.

was from the Garden of Eden.-Btlf.
Jalo Express.
IL has been discovered that Buffalo
blll eats green peas with his knife.
London society is in a quandarv
whether to ostracize him or initiate
him--Chicago Tribune
Magistrate Ito policeman)--what's
the charge against this man? Police
mantle asked me if it was hot |
enough for me. Magistrate - Six |
months.-Neto York San.
Old Mrs. Bently Gin an art gallery |
The program says that's the Venus |
of Milo. Old Mr.. Bentley-I reckon
she must have been killed in a railroad
accident, Mirandy.-Neto York San.
In his atlantic ode, My Country.
George E Woodberry describes Jus
tice as ''the third great base" on which
our welfare is founded. 1t was high
time that our National game should be
recognized in patriotic poetry.-Lye.
You say Smythe's new store on the
avenue is closed?' Yes. it is shut
up" why, l thought it was doing
an immense business" That's just
what busted it up. 1t was always so
crowded that nobody could get into
IL -IeIdS SytingS.
MY dear old friend, how were you
able to acquire such an immense for
tune?" by very simple method"
''What method is that?' .'When /
was poor l made out that l was rich.
and when l got rich made out that
was poor. - TerdS Stt,ngS.
What is that terrible racket about?"
asked a Whitehaller as he passed a
house on Queen street, and heard a
child yelling at the top of its voice.
20, that's nothing" exclaimed his
companion. lit is simply a woman
banging her heir. - Whitehau Times.
ST. Louis husband (after seeing
| Hamlet )-The man who wrote that
play is genius. Wife-You mean
| Shakespeare? Husband Yes; and if
he ever writes another and it's played
in this city, there won't be standin'
| room after the first act.-Hdrper'S Bd-
gar.
Judge, who has invited an alderman
to sit beside him on the bench-Mr.
Alderman, do you think the prisoner
| is guilty? just whisper your opinion
to me. Alderman-Judge, he is no
more guilty than i am. Judge, hesi-
tating a few minutes, then aloud
shall sentence the prisoner to five
years imprisonment.-Epoch.
Ignorant foreigner-"You have ag-
ricultural fairs in this country. i
| hear?" American farmer Yes,
every fall. I'm gettin' ready for the
next one now" /. F.-"Rather early
to make selections of agricultural fair
exhibits, should fancy" A. F.-''No,
stree; takes good while to train
trottin' hosses, mister. - fid-Bits.
| Young wife-O, Mr.. Jones, Pm SC
! to-day. If he had told me you were
coming I'd have had something nice,
and l haven't a thing in the house fl
to eat. Mr.. Jones-Now please don't
say word about it, my dear madam
You needn't worry yourself particle
l take the most of my meals at hom,
myself. -httSburg Dispatch.
Omaha man lin amazement)-Ter
dollars yard for such stuff as that
Wife (very naturally mistaking tn,
cause of his surprise)-That's all; ism
it bargain? Only ten dollars, jus
think of it. why its scarcely hal
width" o, don't worry about that
dear. l was careful to make ever
allowance for that and got twice a
many yards as usual. ."-Omdhd World
A citizen of Missouri who has bee
: a little put out in times past by East
ern newspaper comment on ''Westerl
llawlessness," writes to friend in thi
; city: Il see by the morning papers yo
have killed another woman in Hart
ford. Don't kill them; send them on
here" This is sarcasm with a sting il
it, and it stings because the Missourial
il to a certain extent Inviting oil
facts. ."-HarJord Coarant.
Mrs. Goldleaf, newly graduated from
a very humble sphere of life, is fond o
using a French word now and then
and this she always does with strikin:
effect. As, for instance, when speak
ing of some duty her maid-servant haC
left undone, she remarked in ligh
and airy manner, Pauline is gooC
servant very good seryant-but
must confess she is apt to be neglige-
l-Harper'S BdzGr.
| Col. Rowlegs-"Death and furies
who has been at my meerschaumP
Julius (the colored servitor)-"Aint
seen nobody handlin' it, sir" Col
Bowlegs- 'Confound it! it seems to bt
full of debris" Julius (alarmed) J.
Fore de Lawd, Kunnel, | confess
smoked 'em, but | didn't use nothin
but Lone Jack. / wouldn't put NJ
such stuff as 'daybree' in any gentle
mans pipe. "-Ptiladelphia CaH.
| Two friends are walking along the
street. One of them, pointing to &
house says: There's a beautiful place
but it's enough to make man sad tc
look at it." .'Why SOP" ''On account
of its history; for, despite its calm and
serene surroundings, it was built upor
the groans, tears, wailings and blood
of widows, orphans, old men and strug
Cling women" You don't say so
Was it built by a railroad monopo
listP" 30, no; by dentist. "-ArEar'-
sa0 TraUeler.
The most attractive object on Mair
street yesterday was squaw of the
Sioux nation, who paraded the street
with gaudy silk parasol held firmly
above her blanket-covered form. She
did the best she could to handle the
parasol in the most civilized manner
but the ladies laughed at her and the
men smiled broadly, for her uncouth
savagery could not be concealed. She
walked the full length of Main street
without knocking out an eye.-Bis-
mdrck Tribune.
An elderly man with an excited nose
Yesterday afternoon stood and looked
intently and admiringly at police
patrol-box which was surmounted by
a gas-lamp. Then he began talking to
himself, and he knew what he was
talking about. That's big improve
ment over the old plan, where a fellow
had to hold up lamp-post when he
lost his reckoning and fetched up
against it. Now he gets inside and the
thing holds him up. This is getting to
be great country. ."-Bu6atO Courier.
| A teacher was endeavoring to find
out the proficiency of her little friends
in mental arithmetic, and took the fol.
lowing method of finding out what she
desired to know: Now, children.
she said, suppose / had two squash
pies, and divided one of them into ten
pieces and the other into 100 pieces,
which would you rather have, a piece
of the pie that was divided into ten
pieces or that cut into 100 pieces?'
There was an absolute hush for a mo-
ment, and then little girl answered,
timidly: Zone of the 100 pieces.
why SOP" "Well, please ma'am,
don't like squash pie. boston Bud
get.
The people of New York are not
very sociable, are they? said West
ern man, addressing an acquaintance
who lived in the East. well, | don't
know but they are. although they may
be a little peculiar in that respect
For several years had my office in a
very large building on Broadway.
One day a fellow came in and asked