The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-07-13
HIJMOR.

sale of umbrellas.
A TURTLE dies hard, especially the
upper part of him.
RIGHT wrongs no man, but it de-
ponds something on what you write.
A CORRESPONDENT asks: What is
the first thing that can be raised in
spring?' The first thing that is usually
raised in spring is rent.
IN Duruy's history of France, the
writer says: 1.-The first King of France
was Pharamond, an imaginary being,
who never existed. He was succeeded
by his SON."
"FELLOw-sLAvEs," began an orator
at a labor meeting in Buffalo, and then
he stopped. "Go ahead, cried voice
in the audience; ''most of us are
married. Darlington Free Press.
SOLOMON said there is nothing new
under the sun. Solomon had never
been to the circus and seen the horned
''hoss." Had he done this he would
certainly have seen something gnu.
OMAHA girl-"Pa, Mr.. De Sweet
has asked me to share his lot" Oma-
ha -"Where is it," within the
two-mile limit, fifty foot east front"
BLESS you, my children. "-OnldhG
World
HUsBAND-"What are you reading,
my dear?" Wife-"A long letter from
mother" Husband she any
thing in particular to say?" Wife
Il don't know: | haven't got to the
postscript yet"
Bon FORD, the slayer of Jesse
James. is waiter in two-bit restaur-
ant at Santa Fe. He now carries a
style of New Mexican butter that is
just about as fatal as was his six
shooter.-Dokota Bell.
SINCE passes are abolished editors
in various parts of the country are
beginning to ask if two cents mile
isn't enough for people to pay for rid
ing on the railroads Of this country,
anyway. SVtings.
WHEN a man complained about
hotel with no means of getting out in
case of fire, Popkins SAID he didn't
care for means to get out of hotel.
What he needed was means for stay
ing there.-IerdS SiftinqS.
YOUNG HUSBAND isn't there
something peculiar about the taste of
these onions, my dear?'' Young wife
| (anxiously) -"Oh, / hope not, my dear,
l took such pains with them. l even
sprinkled them with Jockey Club be-
fore | put them to boil, to take away
the unpleasant OdOr."
Miss ETHEL: "Have you seen the
new American book of heraldry?"
Miss Blanche: NO. Have your"
Not yet; but have sent for it. You
ought to get one, too, and see if your
name is in it," That would only be
waste of money. | know it is in. 1t
is in every book us it," Eyes.
| My name is Smith, you know"
THE ECONOMICAL GIRL.
She's dashing little student
OF economy, and prudent,
In most pain stalking fashion,
l would really have you know;
And she looked up with eyes upglancing
Most bewtchly enhancing,
And my thoughts flew back TO courtship,
Many happy years ago;
Soon her gaze grew fond and fonder.
And then began TO ponder
Some sweet words I'd whisper TO her
OF liberty I'd take;
But she smiled a smile platOnic
AS she said in words laconic:
"What u splendid lot Of carpet rags
Your overcoat would make"
San Francisco Post.
y NEBRASKA paper says: "The
funeral services of the late
Mrs. Col. Potter will not take place
to-day as at first announced, owing to
the fact that they would interfere with
a rattle for fine double barreled shot
gun, which takes place at the colonel's
office to-day. 1t is but justice to say
that the rattle was arranged for before
her decease.-DdkOtd Bel.
\ WEALTHY citizen of Boston took
dinner in hotel in a country town
near the city. After seating himself
at the table he was accosted by a wal
ter with the inquiry: Would you
like some soup" NO" he replied.
Soon another waiter made similar in
quiry. Again he answered in the neg
ative. Very soon came a third waiter
and the same question was asked, when
the gentleman, looking up from his
paper at being SO often asked the same
question, said: Excuse me, waiter,
but is it compulsory?" mo, sir" re-
piled the waiter, lit is clam