The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-03-24


.'Shut up, viii you?"
..She has raised four children. One
OF them is at college One of them is
taking music lessons at Boston. The
other two are teaching school. She is
at home alone, going around in tread
mil life. which viii end in a rosewood
coffin and hrst-cla5s country funeral"
stop that, professor will you?"
while you are q handsome man
with just enough gray in your Whiskers
to make You look interesting. No
doubt you have been thinking of some
nice yDuu- girl OF eighteen who would
Jump u, .he chance to marry your
thirty COWS and twenty acres Of hops"
professor, won't stay here if you
don I let up on that
And your wife does not look well
in that new Watertown wagon, and so
you take the hired man and neighbors'
Girl to meeting Your wife never goes
anywhere, so You never give her a
watch like your own, nor new silk
dress, nor pony that she could drive,
nor a basket phaeton that she could
climb into without a ladder. She new
er says anything, SO you never have got
her set OF teeth like your own gold
and rubber, but she has got to gum ii
until her nose is pushed into her fore
head and her face wrinkles like a burnt
boot. She never goes out, but she
don't dye her hair as YOU do yours, but
it looks like 4 milkweed pod gone to
seed. She has to work in the kitchen,
I h "a. al Ia
yours, but goes chumping around like
a sheep in dry goods box"
Darn my skin if | DON'T
''No, you won't; You viii just let her
work right along. and then YOU viii
marry some hiGh-nyer who will pull
every hair out Of your head, and serve
you right too.
professor, for mercy's sake. stop
''When you know, and / know, that
| if your wife had chance to rest, had
nice clothes ike other women, she
would be one Of the handsomest wo
men in the town
Il swan, believe it. -
And old as she is, if YOU were to
Get out the carriage next Sunday and
drive around with the colts. and tell
her YOU wanted her to 90 to meeting
with YOU, she would actually blush
with pleasure"
Blamed if | don't do it
Then, Monday, if You We're to tell
her You were going TO hire a Girl, and
,hat She must sit in the sitting-room by
that new uichel-plated coal stove and
work on that new silk dress you are
| going to buy her
/ professor, that's She
| And then hand her a nice wallet
with steel clasps and with five new $40
notes in it, and tell her to do her own
/ trading after this, because you have
! got tired of looking after so much
| money"
II VIII, as sure as you live. =
'.Aud then when the tear stands in
her eye and the same old blush comes
out that you thought was so nice when
/ You went on that teeter to Albany, if
/ you should kiss her
its all right, professor"
Then, my friend, | would begin to
think she had made something by mar
rying Il rich man"
/ You re right. old man."
Then | think you would no longer
have a miserable wife. Then YOU
would no long@ want to rent or sell
/ the farm, but would be showing the
/ mother of your children how much YOU
respected ncr for her life of devotion.
! Then she would know she was a part
I ner in that $50, 900. Then if YOU made
! your will all right and she had GOOD
rest | think she would some time be
/ an eligible widow
..Ihink SO, professor?"
Il know H. Woman is plant that
wants sunshine. You have been Ieav-
| inc your wife in the shade too much.
! She has lost her color. You have made
! her think she is an old woman. She
has given up all hope of admiration
and love, and is only waiting to die to
get out OF the waE Suppose you were
| treated SOP
.'What, me? | am ali right"
Yes, know. Women pity you be-
cause YOU are tied to such a sorry-look-
ing wife. Foolish old maids and sillv
! girls whisper behind your back what a
nice-looking man you are, and what a
stick of a wife you have got, and you
are just soft enough to wear tight boots
and oil what little hair YOU have left
on the top of your head and 90 around
figuring up how long before your wife
Will die. D."
Say, now, see here, professor, there
is limit to endurance. | am going"
Il am coming down to. see you next
week; will it be all right?'
Yes, if you drop this kind of talk
and won't tell OF my complaints about
my wife. l will Try your medicine.
! Would YOU stick for that part of your
prescription about the pocketbook and
$50 notes"
..How much did you say you had
made together?'
Il cave. The dress will be all right,
and the pony and phaeton will be
handy for the gals. Come down and
see Us, old man, but not a word about
this talk If you wasn't an old man
| I'd" Tipping his Derby back on his
head and shaking the wrinkles out OF
his light trousers, he put his hands
into his pockets and saunJered away.
There" said |, ,'is one man who has
taken the only legal and God-giyen
way of getting rid OF a miserable wife
Philadelphia Call.
A farmer sat reading in an Albany.
y. Y. restaurant, aad commented on
an item iii a Connecticut paper in re-
ference to the Intelligence of doc
which could tell the date on news
paper. Il had a dog" said he, 90
common, long. yeuer dog. and l called
him Zeke. He knew more than a
grand-iuyman on his second term.
He would just loaf around and think.
| brought home some canned sausage
meat. and | didn't ike ii. and so mt