Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-10-13

| She flung back in angry scorning
Bue not a match that will get up
And light the fire in the mornlng"
| If Bernhardt has really lost her voice,
there can't be much now left of her.
Hawthorne did not write his Scarlet
Letter" with red ink. It continues to be
read notwithstanding.
Mrs. Langtry's new play, GAS in a
Looking Glass;" was probably selected
after considerable reflection.
| A pointer for hotel patrons-The
further away from the kitchen your table
in the dining room is the colder your
food will be.
The Saco bank would have been largely
ahead if the managers had paid some
body S25 week to watch their six dollar
clerk.
The opposition of the churches to
| horsetrotting shows is looked upon By
some outsiders as merely race pref l.
dice.
Jake Sharp has many sympathizers,
but they can't get near enough to him to
tell him how sorry they feel.
| The merchant who doesn't believe in
an lad" Is likely to know a good deal
about Standardization his bank &C.
count.
If it has taken our British brethren
thlrty-slx years to get a claft that comes
IN four miles behind how long will it
take them 70 build yacht that comes in
ahead?
"These anarchIs ts," said he, butonhol-
ing his friend. anarchists be hanged
SAID his friend, as he hurried by, leaving
the buttOnnole between the surprised
mans thumb and foreinger.
The woman who pays $50 for bonnet
VIII reach down lamp chimney for five
minutes and nearly burn her nails to the
quick to light piece of folded paper
and save match.
Prayers never ascend to heaven on
whirlwind. You have to give it to em
straight up there.
Commissioner Atkins announces that
he mas hope for the red men, but it isn't
hope they need. 1t is soap.
The Chicago anarchists are still fight
Ing for time, with a moral certainty of
getting eternity.
The family bible has been broaght out
from its long retirement, and is now do
ing service as blotter for pressing
autumn leaves.
Banana and bonanza sound good d, al
alike, and they are both mighty slippery.
An Iowa inventor has not exactly
squared the circle, but he has made an
auger which will bore square hole.
There are great many basel ball, boat
ing, and football men in the Yale fresh
man class. 1t is too soon yet to tell how
rn3rv cyOO6 scholars tb GRO
An African tribe is governed by ruler
who has no tongue. He is not only the
king, but the king dumb.
1t is believed that lady might safely
confide her age to Leland Stanford.
81 see," said Mr.. McSlugen, ssthat they
have organized Milk Trust Com any in
Chicago"
"a Milk Trust Company! Well. that's
something like. wish they'd organize
one here; and a Beefsteak Trust Company
too. This thing of being aunned by the
butcher is awfully tiresome.
City Hotel MaB-How is the run of Wis
itors this year?
Summer Resort Man-Big. The only
objection is that so many of them run off
without paying their bills.
Amy speaking of the res possibilities
of matrimony Would you be afraid to
mary on five thousand year, Tom?
Tom-Not bit, if [ could only find a
girl with that amount of income.
Mr.. Laurence Hutton writes with a
heavy downward stroke, leaving consider
able superduous ink on the page. At one
time, when he was going over some man
uscript at a friends house, and dropping
the sheets on the floor as he finished
them. The friends little girl came into
the room. flake care Hope" said the
lady; Don't step into Mr.. Hutton's man
uscripts or you will wet your feet"
Senior Member of the Firm-I have al
ways been sus picious about our book
keeper. On several occasions
Junior Member-It is a mere preju- |
dice on your part. To JUICE him by his
Senior Member-But am not judging
him by his appearance. I am judging
him by his disappearance. He has just
gone off with $4,000 belonging to the
tirE.