Morning journal and courier., 1887-11-28
TOILSOME.

The mother with twin boys knows what
it is to toll from son to son.-Boston Cour-
ier.
A good mattress is worth 900 per cent
more st seven a.. m. than it is at seven p. m
Puck.
America to European malcontents. If you
don't like our ropes you needn't come and
swing on them.-Omaha World.
The Canadian papers are calling Mr.
Chamberlain Jonah. He ought then to be
able to get on the inside of this fish question.
Boston Post.
Lady lin brio a-brac store)-Let me see
something handsome but cheap. Clerk
Yes'm, something for wedding present.
Lowell Citizen.
If Dakota will agree to keep its weather at
home we think she ought to come in as a
State, OF even two States, if she prefers it
that way; but let the agreement be made in
writing.
Guest-"Have you fire escape in this
houser' Landlord-''Twe of 'em, SIR"
Guest-"I thought SO. The fire all escaped
from my room last night and I came near
freezing. Lawrence American.
Little Tommy-Ma, wouldn'r it be nice if
you had the toothache stead of Bridget 2
Mrs. Blueblood-Why, my soni Little
Tommy-'Cause you could take your teeth
out she can't.-Columbus Spectator.
Wife-"A box came to-day, John, ad-
dressed to you Husband--"Did you open
itp' Wife-sNo." Husband-''Well,
wish you had. 1t may be one of those
dinged internal machines. The Epoch.
Customer getting measured) How much
are these trousers going to cost me? Tailor
Twenty dollars, sir. How many pockets
do you want in them? Customer-None. 1
won't need any pockets after Pye paid for
the trousers.--New York Sun.
A meteorite fell in the street in Amster-
dam, N Y, the other day, right in front of
bank. The celestial visitor weighed three
tons, so the bank came near being broken by
heavy deposit. 1t is not often that banks
are broken in that way.-The Epoch.
Mrs. Bacon-"That Mrs. Ransom certainly
has great audacity to claim to be the best ed
ucated woman in the place" Mrs. Spright-
ly-'FWell, she was graduated from Vassar. "
Mrs. Bacon-''Yes, but since then she has
spent most of her time in Cincinnati."-
Judge.
Prodigal Son-Father, have spent all my
substance and have returned to thee. Practi-
cal Father-What did you spend all that
money on 2 "Amateur photography" "Kill
the fatted calf and send 1t TO the nearest idiot
asylum. My son will dine there tomorrow"
Omaha World.
Johnson-''Hello, Nobson, you're not
looking we'll" Nobson-'1 am under the
weather. Have had TO leave oH smoking,
too" Johnson-''That's bad, that's bad" +"
| Nobson-tBut that icn't the worst of it. I
| am almighty afraid that leaving off smoking
| is going to do me good. Boston Post.
"Sueh a beautiful custom they have in
southern France when anyone dies in the
| household" said Mrs. Cornerlots to Mrs.
| Newrieh 'sIndeed!" replied Mrs. Newrich
| with acidity eyes; they at once open the
| window that the esprit de corpse may wing
its way heavenward. kansas City Times.
"Say, doctor, can't you bleach this nose of
| mine in some waya" asked old Bibbler. cit
| is possible" replied the doctor, fbut think
| you will find it better to let nature take her
| course" :'But I'll be left sure if I do" re-
| turned old Bibbler. ''You see I've just re-
ceived the nomination on the prohibition
| ticket n-Judge.