Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-02-24
BILL NYE IN A NEW ROLE.
His Capacity as Will Maker Evidenced by
Some Startling Legacies.
NaU Vorlr HaraId

SOlHe StartIlLS LeSdc1eS.
New York Herald
Bill Nye is responsible for the follow
fond, paternal epistIe. It will be noted
that he sets shining example to other
men of means by submitting in advance
| an outline of his proposed will for the
consideration of his heirs:
| My DEAR HENRY:
This is a dictated letter. The
thoughts are mine but the penmanship is
that of a man named Beasly. who is do
ing the chores this winter. My reason
for hiring private secretary is that
last Tuesday the strawberry blonde,
Shote, slumped through hole in the ice
and in striving to rescue him from wat
cry grave | fell and broke one of my legs
just above tie fetlock
Kind friends come from everywhere to
ask me if it hurt much, and in thous-
and different ways showed their gentle
desire to draw me into a spirited CONVEX
satton a doctor came down from the
Insanitarian to set the leg, and tied his
morse to little sugar pie that l set
out last spring. When he puts in his bill
for medical attendance he will be sur
prised to find an Offset of eighty cents for
that tree. I may be slightly crippled,
but you can announce in you valuable
paper that there are no flies on me to
speak of.
While spraad out here with nothing to
do my mind has been quite active, and
have had drawn off for me the follow
ing outlines of will, which Isend you
inclosed herewith. "Please read and re-
turn" as it says on the Bible-rack on
on board the cars.
Know all men by these presents, that [,
the subscriber, being of sound mind and
realizing that am now under the doctors
care, and therefore may be swept into
eternity any moment, do hereby make,
execute and publish this my last will and
testament firmly by these presents:
L. hereby appoint my beloved wife
Henriette to be my sole executrix, as
signee and receiver Of my entire estate,
with full powers to pay taxes on said es-
tate forever, and to have and to hold the
same as long as grass grows and water
runs, together with such other and fur
ther relief as the court may adjudge.
2. I hereby request that the red horse
Napoleon be sold and the proceeds there
of used toward defraying my fun eral ex
penses, provided that the sum of $25
therefrom bs set aside for the purpose
of maintaining large, aggressive bull
deg, whose duty it shall blu to monkey
over my lowly grave until my dust shall
be of no use to science. 1t is my desire
that my executrix shall SO maintain said
bulldog heinbefore set forth in.order that
pimply young medical students may not
make too free with all that is mortal of
superior man. It is my special desire
that no part of my economy shall contri-
butte in any way to science or to the
amusement of class of sore-eyed Cos
Inns who cannot get near enough to a live
man to operate on him.
desire to state, also that 1 hope what
ever may be odd or eccentric or abnor-
NAL about my formation, may be gener-
ousIy allowed to pull in oblivion over IL
self and be allowed to pull away. I do
not wish to be perpetuated in the form
of fatty tumor or osseous formation.
Let my good deeds be my only
monument. Let the post mortem in my
be- oraarzaittod, and tine time taken up
in some other way,
[ request also, that at my funeral the
free list be suspended, and that those
only who have personal interest in the
proceedings be permitted to take part
Persons who make the funeral industry
business, or rely upon it as means of
relaxation, are requested to abstain from
my funeral as a mark of personal favor
to me.
give and bequeath, make over and
present to my beloved wife Henrietta
all and singular, my real and personal
property aside from said horse Napoleon
heretofore enumerated and set aside for
funeral purposes, to have and to hold all
nnrtu Hur5 har
after that the real and personal property
to pass to my beloved son Henry, who is
engaged in publishing paper at So
per year. To said beloved son Henry
[ also bequath all my wardrobe. 1 have
worn out his OLD lawn-tennis and polo
clothes while he was attending college,
using his boating and base ball suits for
underclothing during the winter and now
that | am about to pass on ] leave my
own clothing to him as a slightytestim oni-
al of my appreciation of his kindness to
me when had no polo suit of my own.
l also direct that an obituary, consisting
of forty lines, relative to me, be printed
in my sons paper, eod6t, at ten cents per
line, to follow pure reading matter, for
which the SUM of $50 will be found in an
old sock in my escritoire in the barn. I
do not care for the obituary, but desire
to aid painting, struggling enterprise.
1t is also my desire that all my debts
contracted during my life be paid up
after my death. My object in dying is
not IN anyway to avoid the payment of
my debts.
I may add to this will from time to
time, as anything good suggests itself.
In the meantime let me hear from you
ever and anon. Tell US how you come
on with your new paper, and whether you
have contributed any more of your
thumbs to your new job press or not.
Respectfully, your father,
BILL NYE.