Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1887-09-07
iNCURABLE CRANKS.
Men Who Spend Their Lives In Maxim ?
Experimentation Devices.

a
Star reporter Of prominent patent attor.
ney. 'Not many" was tho reply. AZ
have had only one or two in my expo ri
ence. One of them was a very singular
case 1t happened quite a while ago. One
day, while was sitting at one of my sp are
desks examining patent case, the door
opened and in walked three men in Indian
hle. They were queer looking fellows
The first was tall, gaunt, gray-bearded
and gray-haired man, dressed in old
fashioned clothes. covered by long linei,
duster. The second was a short fat
chunky fellow, countryman, apparent
ly, and ncighbor of the old fellow The
third man evidently belonged in this city.
Probably he picked the other two up,
or happened to know what
they were after, and so brought
them to me. Well, when they got inside
the door the old fellow stalked over in
military fashion in my direction. When
he got directly opposite me no turned
right about aud, walking up to my desk
drew long and large roll of papcr from
under his arm. He handed it to me say
ing: 'Well sir, what do you think OF
thatP took the roll, opened it, and after
looking over its con. ents for few min.
utes, duIiHg which tho old fellow stood
as 81 ent as the grave, said 1T appears
That's Just what it is. ] knew You would
see it in a minute" said the o!d man
with grin.
''The old man then looked around to
where nv draughtsman was sitt;ng,au in
terested spectator of the scene. He
motioned silently with one hand to my
private office, acting as if he wanted to
speak of things he did not wish overheard.
Well, into my Office the three walked.
When they got inside the short man closed
the door and then stood against it so that
the draughtsman could not get In. The old
gentleman then asked me what could do
Tor him. Inquired of him in reply IL no had
model of his invention. He drew out of
one OF his pockets threo combs with con-
valutes on them. took them in my hand
for moment, and then told the Old f,i-
low frankly l could not get him patent
Tor perpetual motion. The thing, as you
know, IS a chestnut, and unless we could
make some practical demonstrations of
OF the invention in the Patent Office the
examiners there would throw it out and
laugh at me for my pains. But the old
gentleman persist d that he wanted it
patented, even though told him time and
again that IL was utterly useless; that
there never hal been and never could be
such device invented. However, saw
part of the thing was radical and totally
new, and l thought l might got him
patent for that told him so. He wouldn't
hear OF it at first, but finally, after his
companions had pers uaded him that it
would be best to let me protect him in
that respect, and that he could hereafter
obtain patent on the rest, the old fellow
consented.
~He then asked me what was my fee. 4
told him that s. was all asked to make a
preliminary examination to SEQ whether
the thing had not already boon patented.
But he wasn't satisfied with this. He
wanted me TO apply for tho patent any
how, and so told him that l would re-
quirc sJO-Sl5 for the Patent OfAce fee and
S55 for myself-to start tho thing. He
never said word, but, putting his hand
into an inside pocket, he pulled out an old
leather pouch stuffed full of money. He
TOOK SOD bill out and handed it TO me. It
was thon Saturday, aud the old man told
mo that he was gong back to Ark ansas,
and that as hc had about eighty miles of
staging TO do after he loft tho railroad, ho
couldn't possibly got to his home before
tho following Wednesday or Thursday.
Now, although 1 had taken the foo OF SO
from the old man, Ind no intention Of
hurrying the matter up, because thought
bare thought OF his knowing that the in
vention wa5 thon on its way through
the Patcrt Ocicc would satisfy him
Tor some timo. So, Just as they
left the ofic,, l called the short man
back and said TO him that intended to
hang the patent Up In my oiii,-e for somo
time Well, that let the cat out of the
bag. lie told mo il was a put-up lob-on
the old man; that he had bccn prosper
Gus dentist In country town down in Ar
kansas when no got the idea into his hoad
OF invcnting perpetual motion. From that
time he gave up all busincss-overy thing
and devoted all his time and money TO
his invention Ho said, also, that during
the three years the old fellow had worked
on it he had not had in any night any more
than three hours sleep, and that his
friends, realizing his condition, sent him
ON In the hope that onco he got the thing
before the Office he would forget all about
it. l saw plainly that If the old man
worked another SIX months over it he
would have 10 be put in an insane asy-
lum- Well, the old man went homo, and
10 you know that before the following
Thursday got al allowance, Yes, sir.
They gave him patent on it."
"what then happencd"
81 don't know. l have often wondered
he was finally locke up In an asylum"
81 suppose you have hal many other
singular cases." said the reporter.
ANY quantity OF them" replied the
attorney. al had a case not long ago. An
inventor living way back In the country
wrote me that hc wanted TO get out
patent on churn. Tho peculiar feature
OF the invention was that at the same imo
the cream was churnod the butter madc
was cOllecto in the churn by a particular
Dfotion in churning. Bat the man had not
the happy faculty Of expressing himself
on paper with clesrness, and so wh en- he
wrote personally for a patont they threw
the thing out OF the office, because thew
could not understand IT. Well, one night
bought gallon and half OF cream.
and after got home / got out
the churn and poured the cream
INTO it l churned away for about
ten minutes, and then, hauling up the lid.
lsaw about three pounds Of butter nicely
PACKED against one side of the churn.
When presented the case to tho exam
incr he again threw it out, but appealed
TO The board, because was satisfied that
1t was practical idea. When the dav
came Tor me TO demonstrate the theory
got the same amount of cream, and, using
tue same means, produced similar re-
suit The board was astonisaod. The ex-
aminer, who was present was more so,
and asked Inc 20 elucidato the theory for
his benefit. told him did not know any
moro than he how it was done The effect
was produced by the motion Of tho cream
IN the churu, as told you. When churned
1t was sent from one side 70 the other,
and then back to the center, and I never
saw butter packed moro neatly in my Iife
why, It did not leave even decent butter
milk"