The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1887-03-12


LASDLADy--Can you tell me what the
most important thing is in a boarding
house? Boarder-Yes, the chopping-
knife.
WHEN scandinavian falls in love no
doubt the soft words he murmurs in his
native tongue are Swedes to the Sweet
Lynn Union.
MANY young man who has been too
bashful t. propose to girl has had her
father come into tho parlor at ii o'clock
and help him out.
"WELL Algernon, she greeted you
with smile, did she?" "Yes," said
Algernon. "A benign one?" 20, a
seyen-by-nine one"
PATIENT-What do you think of
warmer climate for me, doctor? Doctor
Great Sect man, isn't that what /
am trying to save you from?
"WHAT is afoot now?" asked an
acquaintance of reporter who was
rushing for the Office. twelve inches
still" said the scribe as he shot out OF
sight
PHYsIcIAN-You are to take this
mixture after meals. Poor patient
But it's very seldom, doctor. that L
get meal Physician-In that case.
take il before meals.
liz women consent 10 give up their
altitudinous headgear at the theater ut
night, men, in turn, should endeavor To
give mp wearing big heads in the morn
ing. philadelphia North american.
A NEEDLE was recently found in an
egg laid by Philadelphia hen. Hens
should never try TO attend TO their sew
ing and cackling mt the same time. This
weakness is confined to women alone.
POLICE Court Justice to tramp ar
rested for vagrancy-"What is your
income, sir?" II have noa income,
shure; it's oil outcome" "What do you
mean by outcome?" 1.-THE outcome of
my fellow-bein's' generosity" - Mail
and Express.
THE Bushnell GIL Record, we are
panied TO observe, discourages the out
gushings of native genius by inserting
in its table Of advertising rates tho fol-
lowing Obituary poetry, selected, 20
cents per line; original, S2.75 per line,
cash in advance. ~ Chicago Tribune
OIy NtN, NIOic ~ lDobloulhL, Wiz
believes that his own home is the coolest
spot on earth in midsummer, sit is all
very we'll for you to ask me TO come
down TO your famous hotel for rest and
change. tried il once the porter got
the most OF the change, and the land
lord took the rest"
AFTER the opera: Twelve-year-old
miss-The opera was very long, wasn't
it mamma? Mamma-Yes, daughter,
and very stylish. Miss-The ballet
girls don't sing, do they mamma
Mamma-No, daughter. Miss Why
do they have the ballet, then, mamma ?
Papa-To make the opera as broad as
it is long, daughter. Don't ask any
more questions. - Washington Critic
HE-The movement against the high
hat nuisance is getting quite n boom,
isn't it2 She-They are making a lot
| of talk about it in the newspapers, but
| they will never make me take off my
hat in a public hall-never He /
think / might bring it about. my dear,
If / were to cut of your allowance. IL
! you didn't have a new hat every six
weeks you might not object so much to
its removal. -LoiceH Citizen.
A 5-YEAR-oLD friend of ours, starting
out for children's party the other
afternoon, remarks TO the maid who is
taking him to the place of entertain
ment; "Well, I've made up my mind
TO be perfect gentleman to-day;
don't mean to kick single girl" Upon
his return home he was questioned MS
to his behavior by his mamma well, y
he said, "the only thing / did was to
yell 'Chestnuts' when they played the
'Mikado' on the piano. "-Hdrpers
Bazaar.