Los Angeles daily herald., 1887-09-18
INFORMATION.
bill Nye Takes n Man Into His
Confidence.
New York world.l

JERSEY CRY IN. j }, July 25th.
DEAR SIR Would you mind Civ
ing little space to an explanation ol
naturalization as practiced in this
country, together with its effects
How would 60 to work to become
naturalized? What are the first
steps. What would be the result OF
naturalization here or in New York
City in case | afterwards con-
cluded to return to England,
where l was born? What are my
duties toward the United States pend
ing my naturalization, and what are
the duties of the United States toward
me during the same time? What
were the peculiar doctrines OF the
Druids? Which is proper to say,
Sweat or "perspire ?" What is the
most past or perfect tense OF sweat
Would you advise young man, AZ
years of age, to begin the study OF
fifteen-ball pool? What is the pecul-
iarity of classical music, and how can
one distinguish it? What do you
think of my handwriting?
TRUTH-SEEKER.
Naturalization, according to Theo-
dore d. Woolsey, who has practiced it
for years, takes place when an alien
transfers his allegience from the cOun-
try of his origin and the sovereign of
the same to another country and SOW
ereign. Your best method for becom-
ing naturalized in the State of New
Jersey would be to write to Her Most
Gracious Majesty, Queen of Great
Britain, Empress of India. General
Assistant Parent to His Royal Bald
ness the Prince of Wales, and Leading
Regina of the known World, asking
her to return your letters and hence
forth to regard you only as a friend.
Naturalization may be partial or
complete and may be detected by any
one who is close obss s'ver. Natural
ization is most likely to attack those
who have formerly been aliens and
"allowed it to get the upper hand of
Them. Under the Constitution of
the United States, no naturalized citi-
zen can be President, and a great
many who have not had any difficulty
of that kind find that the in
dustry is overcrowded. So if you
come to this country with burning
desire to obtain employment as Presi-
dent you had better give it up. We
never elect man who has been an
alien, and who is liable to have it
break out on him again when the sun
gets very hot We have made it rule
for years, if possible, to elect a thick
set, self-made American citizen to the
Presidency, and then we feel free to
20 and board with him and make sug-
gestions to him, and to tread frosted
cake into his body Brussels carpet.
There are several steps you might
take in order to get naturalized in this
country. Your maiden step, however,
would be to get born on foreign
strand. You could then begin active
preparations for becoming naturalized,
such, for instance, as crossing the
ocean, and while leaning over the
plaza of the ship and peering down
into the soft, green waves, divesting
yourself of your political disabilities.
You could hurry up your natural
ization here by enlisting in the army.
You can, if 81 years of age, join the
army. You would like it, too. l think.
It would also be pleasanter for the
army. Nothing lonelier can be con-
ceived of than the picture of an army
with no one to talk to. So, if you
could be contented to unite with our
army think it would be good thing
for both of you.
If YOU came out of the war un-
scathed, YOU could be made an Amer
lean citizen without further trouble,
and if you became killed while acting
as the left wing OF the regular army
your eternal welfare would be en-
hanced as soon as it was generally
understood that you came from Amer
ica.
Your duty toward the United States,
pending your naturalizas poswould be
to write home as often aings BILE. re-
ferring to the great blessing of Ameri-
can freedom and showing the poor,
oppressed foreigner how much quicker
and easier he can get his expressing
done here than elsewhere.
You do not state in your letter
whether YOU are white or colored.
You simply say that you are an Eng
lishman. In writing to newspaper,
you ought to be explicit, and state
your case fully. If you are a white
man from England you may be natur-
allied by denouncing your own SOW
ereign in unmeasured terms and nam
ing YOUR first daughter Frances. Your
health would then be good and your
vote would be counted. If you are a
colored Englishman, we would re-
serve the right to inquire who you
voted for before counting your vote.
The duty of the United States to-
ward you in the mean time Is to pro,
tect YOU from foreign invasion and
throw our navy around you so that
YOU may 90 to bed every night without
fear of invasion, for no foreign power
would so far forget what is due to the
aged or helpless as to attack our
navy. So you would be always safe,
and if you took plenty OF exercise
and did not get your feet wet
while being naturalized, you
would make a good citizen and enjoy
GOOD health. The duty of the United
States toward an unnaturalized citizen
is quite plain, but not irksome. The
United States, as republic, never
allows its obligations toward the OIL
spring OF o monarchy to prey on IL;
So, if you wish to come forward ana ma
repent and be naturalized you will
always find the United States ready to
treat you white.
/ do not know much about the
Druids. Our folks were mostly Wings
and Episcopalians. The Druids as
near as l can learn were a kind OF
open-air sect, who worshiped sylvan
God, ate watermelons during dog days
and regretted it till the ground froze
up. They were the first religious or,
ganization to introduce the custom OF
borrowing money in this
world with the understanding that
it was to be paid in the next.
Prior to that, the custom of drawing
promissory notes and making them
payable sixty days after death had
never obtained. 1t was q good deal