The Hawaiian gazette., 1887-05-24

ESDAY I, M a 1 II, 1905
was drunk, and not us at all. We had only
EIGHT OF ten drinks, made light which would
not affect child-so you see you were mis-
taken. | explained the whole thing to the
little chap who publishes 'all the news and
he took water, and the next morning ne made
the aDsnde honorable, like a gentleman:
Now want you to say in the next issue OF
your bucoIic journal that you we're entirely
mistaken in the facts-that the gentlemen
were not drunk, but were rudely assaulted by
a sadly demoralized policeman, who upon
discovering the great mistake he had made
in capturing the highest legal luminary IN
the land, and his boss as well, wanted to
commit suicide on the spot. Now you see to
this, or l will make it warm for you" lsaid
all right Tony, we'll fix you up in good shape.
l met Muggins on Saturday, and be told
me that he had a short chat with Lot MORT
arity, of the dandy Broadway squad" and
asked him when he intended to haul In on
the chap who gave away the Grand Duke and
the opium racket. "Oh.' says Lot, ass1m-
ing lofty air, mo sensible person takes
stock in that yarn. Do you think the Grand
Duke would stoop SO low as to beat a China
man out of paltry 81 ,000-not much, he is
not that kind of Duke, oh, no. l know him
we'll, have drank with him frequently, and he
is above any lowlived dodge like that-he
would not think so little of himself as to at
tempt to take small sum like 81 ,00O-if il
was out of his reach. That's the kind of
man he is and don't you forget it. Rest as
surred this trumped-up yarn is intended to
injure his reputation as an honorable and up
right Duke, but it will, like the boomerang,
recoil on the heads of those who concocted
this infamous SANDER; and then it will die a
natural death, you bet." Poor Muggins felt
7 L.. IL
and skunk off.
l had short chat with my old friend Holy
Moses during the week The old chap is
looking uncommonly we'll; had his whiskers
neatly tarred down, and had assumed the
appearance of a spring chicken, but his walk
gives the old man dead away. Nose told me
he was having lively time now casting
horoscopes for the Grand Duke and apprais-
ing at the Custom House. The latter job, he
said, was soft thing, with $3.50 per month
at the end of it. He also told me that the
Grand Duke had soGred on the kahunas;
they required too many pigs for the anaana
biz, and pigs were scarce; besides they were
wanted by the Board of Genealogy for root
ing up the bones of Chiefs. The haole horo-
scopes, as long as they promised lots of
shekels and other good luck in the future,
would do for him. "You bet," says the old
man, 81 will fix the horoscopes up high. l
will tell him only re grand tings vat will
make him tink he will be de Grand Emperor
of de Pacific, but 1 don't tink he will live so
long; does your" The old man ratified on,
and told me that he had not had such a good
time since before he escaped going to San
Quentin for selling lottery tickets ID Frisco.
Holy Moses excused himself, as he had an
appointment with the Grand Duke, and
must be moving. He made me promise to
come down and see the fine place the Grand
0r1ly ho1 fa1 fnr Lotto Of Mo
things, and some good "stuff" for to treat
me boys with. l said, all right, Bliff. and l
will be around.
Bliff came rushing into the Office yesterday
and wilted down into a chair and began to
fan himself vigorously. Says I, "Blif what
in thunder is the matter-what's in the wind
now, eh:" Blif, after getting his second
wind, told me that Holy Moses had cast a
horoscope for the Grand Duke, which indi-
Gated wars and rumors of wars-in fact that
sheol was going to break loose for holiday,
and that the Grand Duke had got little
"gallied" over this red hot horoscope, and
removed all the powder and the saluting bat
terry up into the Ducal yard to be handy IN
case a stray goat or a case of gin should be
thrown over the wall into the Ducal enclosure.
Bliff says the Grand Duke thinks You Lie is
at the bottom of this trouble, and that if he
comes fooling around the Ducal camp he will
also had his eye on that old we'll, and so has
You IIie-so that it would not be healthy for
the Grand Duke to run the well racket twice,
you know. Blitf says he suggested that the
Grand Duke take off his spurs and climb a
tree-nobodv would think of looking aloft
for such big game. The Grand Duke is
" cursing his luck and swearing at Nosbig
il5r being in such haste in sending off the
ConnRdrum. Were she here he could sneak
down the back way, get aboard and start for
Ocean Island, taking the old fraud with him,
and start an opposition Dukedom. Says
Bliff.: "What would become of Hawaii if
this should come to pass ?" Sure enough.
Bliff. and 1 were down on board of the
Conundrum the Monday night before she
sailed. Bliff., you know, is well acquainted
with Lieutenant KaluWahine, and wanted to
have a friendly chat with McBuster, the
Chief Engineer. Well, on dropping our
selves over the rail, we found everything
lovely. and the Admiral at home-a perfect
luau, all whisky and gin, with few "sea
cakes" thrown In. tell you that Kaluwa
hine is a brick, and can clean out more
small stores " than most lieutenants in the
navy, and the sergeant of the horse marines
amt much behind. The regular "rules''
had been suspended for the evening, and
later on the Marquis of Queensbury rules
substituted, which made things very lively,
to be had, we're at premium. The fun com:
menced when some young MILDLY made COM
plant that the gallant Kaluwahine-who had
cleaned out all the "small stores" in his
section-had consented to give the boys
" forrard lift in disposing of theirs, and
was doing nieely-was degrading himself by
drinking with the common sailors Now,
Kaluwahine is not proud or stuck up, and
through pure goodness of heart was only
helping them out. This insulting remark !
was too much for the brave fellow, and he |
jumped up on deck, buckled on his sword |
called out the live marines, and proceeded to |
straighten things out. The First Luff., who |
with McBuster and others was enjoying |
" little lunch" in the cabin, hearing the |
uproar, came out, and after little scuf1ing |
succeeded in placing the gallant Kaluwahine |
under arrest, and then resumed the lunch"
Soon after the sergeant released the valiant
Kaluwahine, and then proceeded to the cabin !
and ordered the lights out. This last order
brought on general free fight in which
anything handy was brought into play, and
resulted in poor Kaluwshine getting clip, and
losing his balance, he fell over his sword and
down the companion way. Fortunately for