The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1887-08-27
The Paragrapher aud Machine Poet.

same thing
The Paragrapher aud Machine Poet.
A hnlf loaf is better than no vacatlon.--
Inter OceGn.
The Chicago Ttmes is great Storey pa
per.-Nc,o orleans Pic0y"ne
When communication to newspaper
Is thrown Into the waste basket il Is eXcom-
municated.-IiWyt@e.
Texas can not he regarded ss close
state. 1t is liberal enough IN an election
where liquor is concerned.-Picdytae.
An Augusta paper says many of the
planters on the river bottoms have lost
everything. The river bottom is wet
place for planting -Ptcayune.
r No microbes have ever been fouad in
tobacco. They are probably afraid that
devotion to the weed would injure their
consttutioD.-PjHSJurg Chr0hicte
A man belonging To Nlcholville, having
Inadvertently swallowed potato bug,
promptly seut dose of Paris green after
it and nearly killed himself.-Brockcille
(Cano1al Recorder.
Every girl should learn to play the piano
N usic has charms to sCothe the savage,
and there is no telling what SORT of tenn
per the man will have she catches for a
husband.-Phitadelptja Herald.
If the Chicago "boodle" Aldermen
really lock like their pictures in the Chica
90 Mj}y News, they might safely be con.
vlcted of almost any crime without the
Formally of a trial.-Boston Post.
"Don't you suppose" said a member of
the police force, "that a policeman knows
arogue when he sees him ?" No doubt"
was the reply" but the trouble is he does
Sieze rogue when he knows him."
We are always reading about the man
who was " cool and collected" This Is the
more surprising when we remember that
the man who attempts to collect generally
has pretty hot work of it--BOston Post
Mrs Bagley-" found an eel in the
milk pitcher after you left yesterday morn
ing" Milkman-" And cells Is cents a
pound! Well, 1t was my mistake, and
sh AT take cent for it"--Philddelphid
CuN
When a man goes into Wall street and
comes off several a illions in debt he a
Napoleon Of finance. When he goes 10
and drops all he owns he is merely com.
monplace, every day fool Baltimore Amer
tenn
A medical man says that onions are
about the best nervine known. 1t has been
noticed that those who indulge IN this
odorous vegetable and come up close to
tell funny story are possessed of great
ne:ve.-BOstOn Globe.
The Hartford young lady who married
John Chinaman can laugh at her critics
when 1t comes to the servant girl question
A husband who Can wash and iron and
cook is not bad thing TO have in the
house, even If one is rich. -Er.
IT'S an ancient saying with a truthful
germ,
That money makes the mar GO;
But it's plain, cen to psChyderm,
That pork has made ChicagO.-LUe.
The June-bug disappea ar, in June,
The lightning bug in May;
The bed-bug takes his b ,nnet Oft,
And says, "l've con = stay"
Fair Saturn has silver ring,
The moon ring of flame;
The sun has got no ring at ALL
But gets there just the same.
NEBRASKA State JourRdl.
She kissed her pug-with haste arose
And raiDed upon that creatures nose
A storm of oscillations sweet;
The swell reclining at her feet
Remarked, as he looked sidewise up,
wish that I'd been born pup"
Then smiling coldly from her throne
She said, "And were you born full grown q
-Er.
In the morning bright and early,
When man feels mighty surly,
Comes the fly,
Pretty fly!
And 1t wakes him from his sleeping
With Its innocent DO peeping,
With Its buzziDg and its nipping,
With Its biting and its skipping,
Prevents his morning mapping,
Wears him out with constant slapping
Does the fly!
Pretty fly
Drat the fly!
Baltimore Herald
She had tried all occupations,
And was skilled In all vacations,
But was always most unhappy, sour an,
sad:
She did the best of work,
And was never known to shirk,
Bu. was never light and cheerful, gay Q
glad.