Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1887-09-23
BACK FROM THE GRAVE.

| BACK FROM THE GRAVE.
/ was quite certain that ] had
heard of old Uncle Josiah BodfiSh's
death and burial. ana when met
him comiug ont OF e lawyers Office
and looking rather more belligcr'
ent than usual II gave me a bit OF
start and a creepy feeling mp
and down my spine. But 1t was
Josiah, sure as could be, and there
was nothing ghOstly in his appear
ance. | asked him how he came to
be still extaut in such an irregular
way, and he told me all about 1t.
$50 you thought | was snutfed
out, did yOul That's a good one on
you; but, then, | don't knows l
can blame you, seeing my own folks
lowed | was a cadavcr. I've got "A
law suit with 'em about it. They
mad me taken up by constable for
disturbing the peace, and that's
what Pm lawin' about. I'm Out on
bail now. It's a peculiar case, and
/ if had a mind TO take it to the
Soopreme Court could knock 'em
out on the question whether a man
who has been buried can be legally
prosecuted. You know them spells
/ I baye. When | get one Pm liable
to be plumb out o my senSrS for
hours, and Pm little nervous about
'em sometimes. If anybody tells
you it isn't nothing but whisky,
YOU call him a liar, and III back
You up. You know Pm not intem.
perate and YOU never saw me take
anything between drinks in yonr
lie.
"Mebbe you've noticed that me
and the old woman don't hitch
very well. Yes, l thought so.
Some folks has a habit o noticing
other folks doin's. Well, It's all
OWN to Deacon Sliderback's taking
too goldarned much interest IN the
spiritual welfare of my family.
Ny old woman's been s0pious, I've
been little fearsOme that she
might get too anxious to have me
nne the heavenly choir and plant
me if l happened to have a real
bad spell and not come to as spry
as common"
l suggested to Uncle Josiah that
he couldn't be buried without a
physicians certificate that he was
dead.
"That'S another point" he re-
piled. "Dr. PilbOlus don't like me
enough to hurt since | put little
Job on him, and kinder suspected
he'd play a practical joke on me if
he got chance in a professional
way. don't believe the author.
ties would want a certificate any
way if they knew PilbOlus had any
thing to do with the case. They'd
consider that reasonable ground
TO suppose that the patient was
rne for the cold and silent tomb.
If YOU d0u't want 10 be slammed
into coffin aud sent kiting TO glo.
~ before your time, don't you have
Pilbolus. He's a quack, sure. I'd
been thinking over what might hap.
pen, and | had talk with the un-
dertaker who does all my burying,
aud we fixed the thing up between
us. Had a telephone put in the
family vault and all that sort of
thing, you know. Gong to have
the whole racket patented next
week.
"Well, 1t seems got full or had
a spell last Saturday night, and
the next thing ! knew l woke mp
in the dark feeling mighty queer.
Smelt like funeral-tuber roses
and dead leaves aud carbOlic acid,
you know. [ thought Pd get up
and see who was dead, but the first
break | made / bumped my head
against something hard. Then l
felt around and found | was boxed
In, and | concluded it was my own
funeral felt. So just kicked the
lid OF, sat up in the coffin, fshed
match out Of my vest pocket and
took a look around. | recognized
the place by the inscriptions to the
memories of my first three wives
aud a maiden aunt, and 1t made
me feel sort of blue to think how
near / had come to being reunited
with the whole gang at one lick.
"You can imagine how a man
would feel TO find himself slowed
away on the top shelf Of tomb
in such company aud read his own
epitaplr on the plate by the light of
a birthstone match. felt in my
coat.tail pocket aud found a flask
OF brandy, which showed that the
6ndertaker was a man Of bis word
and partly restored my confdence
in human nature. | was powerful.
ly relieved to find that l was not
yet in Heaven with my sainted late
female relatives, and with desout
gratitude l emptied the flask and
returned thanks to a merciful