The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1887-05-11
REPLY,

REPLY.
AsnEviLLE, n. c., March 90, 1887.
Messrs. Reed, Hicks, Thompson and Lind |
say, at large.
GENTLEMEN: Your favor, dated at |
Concordia, Kas., 22d inst, is now in front !
of me as l write. | hate to come in be- |
tween the commercial man and the hotels
in a case of this kind, especially in order
to monkey with relations that are really
strained; and yet something ought to be
said at this time or we may easily foresee
that the overworked American pie will at
length be compelled by reason of brain
fag to abandon the proud position which
it now holds relative to our interstate
commerce.
would like to treat this matter in a
! way to insure harmony between the trav-
cling man and the hotel, if possible; and
vet l must confess that l cannot refer to
pie in purely bipartisan spirit. Pie, l
may truthfully say, seems to lie nearer
my heart at times than anything else
within the great realm of groceries.
l know that commercial men are prone
to ask too much of the hotels at times,
and thus they inhame the proprietOrs. l
have known of many such instances in
which the tourist was clearly in the
wrong: but the outrages were always per-
petrated by travelling men whose early
lives had been passed in obscurity. They
were men who knew how to catch train
or tell in rich Union-Depot tone of voice
how many goods they sold in that town,
but they do not adorn society very much.
These are the exception, however. They
are men who represent small houses, and
sleep on four seats in the day-coach, with
their feet on the velvet collar of the un-
assuming capitalist who sits in the ad-
joining pew.
But was travelling man once for two
weeks, and l have always sympathized
with those who followed this business for
alivelihood. For some years had yearned
to be a commercial man with a sOrrel
travelling bag and bold signature l
intimated to several large concerns that
my services could be secured at nomi-
nal figure, but there is nothing so puffed
up or so egotistical as prosperous bust
ness house, and so they continued to
struggle on without me-
Finally went on the road in the inter
ests of preparation that would take an
old pair of secondhand lungs and
brighten them up so that a man needn't
be ashamed to dress up in them and wear
them into the best society.
People say that travelling men are too
forward and too bold, and ought to do a
little more of the blush unseen business,
but | found when was on the road that
had to be bold, especially at the hotels,
for the clerks were bold, the porters were
bold, and the dining-room girls were also
| in VII
did not demand the best chamber l
generally got tea-chest No. 5-S, with
no knob on the door, and when / would
punch the button on the denunciator it
would fall off with a low tremulous
sound and roll under the bed.
Speaking of door-knobs, reminds me
of hotel man in Washington Territory
who had a novel way of keeping these
handles clean at a slight expense. He
has knobs on all doors and they are so
arranged that they may be easily re-
moved. He has two sets for the house
one set being white and the other a
dappled bay. When one set gets soiled
he removes the knobs, placing them in
the soap dishes of the various rooms,
where the guests rinse them off
thoroughly in vain attempt TO get p
lather out of them. After they are dried
the proprietor replaces them on the doors
and the soied set 90 into the soap dishes.
This hotel is now called the door-knob
chop house, and with the slippery elm
towel adopted there a polish i given to
the guest which he might ,Lherwise
never secure.
Gentlemen, in conclusion, l hardly
know what to say, unless it be to add
that whatever you may decide to do to-
ward the publication of this great pie evil
provided you do not actually endanger
human life, you may safely rely upon me
and count me in. Pie enters into the life
of every true American, and an unfair di-
vision of pie will certainly lead to open
hostility and possibly intestine war. Do
not trust the man who robs you of your
pie in order that he may thrust it into his
own corrupt system.
The tendency of the age seems TO be
toward the Capitalization of pie This is
bound 10 make the thin man thinner and
the fat man fatter. From statistics now
in my hands l have ascertained that we
have enough pie in America, if properly
distributed, 10 give 70 each adult, eXclu-
sive of Indians not taxed, one-eighth OF a
full-grown pie and still leave one-siX-
teenth pie for each child of school age.
Gentlemen, this letter is already too
long. l can add nothing more unless it
be yours, truly.-BW Nye, IN Nsu York
World
The saddest case of intoNicatiOn Oc-