Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-11-09
CHAFF.

NE OuhO vi las luV0SU-
ed the Khedive with the Order of the
Bath. If ne is q good khediver be can
now take header San Francisco
Alta.
DON'T judge g. mans character by
the defererce shown him. No one
ever saw q chimney sweep crowded
off the sidewalk Binghamton Re-
publican.
go, Mr.. Lala, do see that Van
Vandevan girl with Baron Won Gels
enbach. Did you ever meet the
baron?" "No, I shave myself. p
Exchange.
GENTLEMAN Caller-ls Miss Smith
in? Biddy-Yes, sorr. g. C.-Can I
see her? Biddy-I dunno, sorr, Tllgo
nd foind out, sorr. She's taking q
bath, sorr.-[Town Topics.
JoNEs-The papers are full of this
discussion about Bacon. Smith,
wish they had put it off until winter
"Why?" because bacon tastes so
much better in cold weather. p Texas
Siftings.
MISS FLossIE BOoKMARK Ito new
conner in town)-Yes, we have two
churches here, the church of the Re-
deemer and Mr.. Cooper's church, and
we all like dear Mr.. Cooper 80 much
the best u Puck.
AMY speaking OF the responsible
ties of NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. you be
afraid to marry on five thousand q
year, Tom?" Tom-"Not g. bit, if I
could only find a girl with that amount
of income. ~ Harper's Bazaar.
SoUTHERNER lin Glasgow to friend J
-"By the way, do you know Nc
Screw?" Mathematician McScrew
90 fine A g-aund man, McScrew
Keeps the Sawbath-an' every thing
else he can lay his hands on -
| Punch.
CONDUCTOR ION Georgia railroad)-
Do you mean to tell me, madam, that
the child is not IL years old? Madam
| SHARPLY WELL, she wasn't wneu the
train started, but, land alive! there's
no tellin' how old she may be now
| New York Sun.
A T1M1D Man-"Are you afraid OF
the midnight hour?" "Well, only at
the moment when the clock strikes
twelve. You see, it is such an I'm.
pleasant sensation when one does not
| know, for instance, whether it is Tues
day Or Wednesday."-TLose Blatter.
1T is said that the husbands of red
| headed women ultimately become col
or-blind. 1t DNust be so, for we have
noticed that when q woman OF that
description sues for divorce there is
generally black or brown haired fe-
male mixed up in the case.-[T Texas
| Siftings.
CUSTOMER Tin restaurant) Whats
| the matter with the cheese, waiter
1t looks as if it might have been used
to bait O. rat-trap. Waterloo has
got that cheese turned upside down,
sab. OATS de side what's tended to
be up. Now dat cheese am all right,
sab = Puck.
$50 you maintain, professor, that
children should never De slapped or
whipped?" 81 do maintain it. The
parent who whips his child is crimi-
nal. Happily, my children are all
quiet and obedient. If [ had q son
like Sniderly's boy I'd break his
back Lincoln Journal.
"HAvE you read the Thackeray let
ters?" was asked OF brave Kentucky
gentleman, as he leaned on the ma
hogany bar and listened to the blue
grass gurglirg into his tumbler. "No, I"
he said, 81 don't seem to recollect of
perusing of them. Let me see, sir
what case was this yer Col. Thackeray
mixed up in?''-[ Judge.
MRS. WALDO, OF Boston (who is en-.
PERTAINING young Mr.. Wabash OF Chi
cego)-I have treat for you to-day,
Mr.. Wabash, in the way of some
broiled bivalves. My husband is very
fond Of them. Young Mr.. Wabash
(trying one)-They are certainly de-
licious, Mrs. Waldo. They taste
some thing like oysters.-[ Texas Sift-
ings.
MANAGER of opera-"Mr. Editor,
your paper says that our company
should be suppressed, that respectable
people would not patronize it, and
that the ballet is disgracefEl." eyes,
sir; and I can't retract a. word have
said" "Who wants you to? Here's
$40 and passes tor your family. When
man treats me white appreciated it.
Whoop 'er up some more. D. Nebraska
State Journal.
HOUSE owNER-How many children
have you, madam Householder
Five. House-owner-That alters the
case. I can't let you have the house.
House-hunter-You are more par
ticular and exclusive. sir, than the
Kingdom OF Heaven. Householder
Possibly, madam, possibly. This
house fronts on Prairie Avenne.
Good morning.
"MY father is very genial man,"
she said, "and desires that shall ex-
tend the hospitalities OF the house to
every caller. Will you take some.
thing before you go ?" "Well, yes"
replied the youth, ST will, with your
permission, take a KISS" The M aid
was abashed, but the youth was equal
to the occasion and che hospitalities
were extended Boston Courier.
"GEoRGE, DEAR" said Naomi, ST am
afraid that you are too Industrious
in your efforts to win enough money
to obtain papa's consent. Your