The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1887-04-27
Pith and Point.


rage ceremony in Japan.
FROM the Old Farmers Almanac Now
is the time to plant spring poets"
INTERSTATE BILL is the most unpopular
fellow in the country. Boston Globe.
THE more you puff cigar the smaller it
becomes. And that is the case with some
men-Puck.
New York society papers complain of the
monotonous uniformity in style of all the
swell weddings.
THE interstate commerce law does not
prohibit the passing of cold waves all over
the country.-PHtSbwg Chronicle.
FRENcHMAN "Ahl mon ami, am natural
lied" Englishman: Well, but what do
you gain by that?" Frenchman: Water
loo. ~ oonshine.
Now is the time to plant the roots of pros
perity in liberal doses in the home paper.
The harvest can be garnered daily If in
serted tf.-Omdhd Bee.
IT is a sad and serious thing to contem-
plate, but, fellow-citizens, we are rapidly
nearing the perilous edge of the baseball
season.-Burlington Gazette.
AN apiarist in France claims that he has
made experiments which prove that only
from six to eight pounds OF honey are used
by the bees to produce pound OF comb.
THE bindings of books in the British Mu-
scum have special significance. Histori-
Cal WOIhS arc III louj uIcOioSiCiI III biuo,
poetical in yellow and natural history in
green.
THERE are born dead-beats in this world
who work much harder to get something for
nothing than they need to work to buy
the something they want NeW Orleans
Picoyune
A CRANK called on the secretary of an
misunderstanding association of Chi
cago the other day, and asked him to ar
rest the interstate commerce act because it
works on Sunday.
IT has been found that a lobster produces
1900 young per year. The man who sup
posed that lobster had nothing to do but
CAD around on the beach was sadly mis-
taken.-DetrOu Free Press.
THE papers are talking about barb
wire pool" 1t would be a mighty unpleas-
ant pool in which to take bath. The sub
ject is calculated to evoke many pointed re-
marks.-NorriStogn Herald.
THIRTEEN samples of " toilet cream, war
ranted to beautify the complexion, were re-
Gently analysed by Washington chemist,
and every one was found to contain stuff
certain to ruin the face after years use.
Some of the samples were highly poisonous.
"AND don't you know why, Bobby ?"
said the minister, who was dining with the
family, "your mamma doesn't want you to
eat second piece of pie?' Eyes, sir, re-
piled Bobby. "She said that if you didn't
take any uneTe WOulu ne enough lelu over
for tomorrow ."-NelC York Sun.
A CERTAIN current slang phrase has been
traced to no less person than John Bum
yam. In "The Pilgrims Progress occurs
the passage; "When it is a cold day for
them in nation, then they lurk in the
hedges, though their ordinances lie there,
as leaves that are dry and fallen down from
the tree
HIS scalp was all there. Old Gentleman:
Hero qir regular frauI. NV
hairs coming out as bad as ever. This stuff
isn't worth a continental" Barber: 81
didn't promise that it would keep your hair
from coming out / said it would preserve
your scalp. Your scalp's all there, isn't it?"
Hdrper's Bdzdr.
hotel asked a little precise Harvard pro-
fessor at dinner, in quick succession, if he
would have soup A little annoyed, he said
to the last waiter who asked, g Is it COM
pulsory?" "No, sab" answered our friend
and brother " no, sab. / think it am mock
turtle. "-Hotel Reporter.
A MILLIONAIRE can make a great deal
more show than poor man, but he can
breathe no better air, drink no better water,
eat no better bread, read no better books,
obey no better laws and cultivate no better
character than the poor man. When you
come to think of it, there is good deal
more equality in this free country than some
people imagine.
A LITTLE grammar found in an old garrett
in Portsmouth, n. H., has illustrations of the
rules as follows: The active, passive, and
neuter verbs are represented by the picture
of father whipping his little boy. The
father is dctiUe, the boy is passiUe and the
mother, sitting by herself on stool, looking
on, but doing nothing, is neuter.-Common
School Education.
A PHILADELPHIA school-teacher saw a
doctor call at the home of pupil and, obey
ing school rule requiring scholars to bring
physicians certificates in case there is sick
ness in the family, sent the child home for
the certificate. She returned and said
please, a'am, but it's a little boy baby
and the doctor says it isn't catching!'-
Waterbury american.
A REPORTER of this paper witnessed a
fine burst of speed yesterday while return
ing from the funeral of the wife of our es-
Unable fellow-townsman, Judge Jaybird.
Sandy Harrigan, the driver of the hearse,
attempted to throw a little dust on the
Judge, when the afflicted and grief-stricken
widower pulled out of the ditch with his
fine bay horse, Three Spot, and easily
passed the outfit shouting and a-ftying.-
Haycreeb (Teras) Prairiefre.
SOMEBODY wrote to the editor of village
paper to ask how he would break an OK"
The editor replied as follows: " If only one
OK, good way would be to hoist him, by
means of long chain attached to his tail,
to the top OF pole forty feet from the
ground. Then hoist him by rope tied to
his horns to another pole. Then descend
on his back five-ton pile-driver, and il
that don't break him let him start a country
newspaper and trust people for subscrip-
tons. One of the two ways will do it sure.
THIS is the best that the modern, rather
heavy-witted English cynic, can do in parody
of Tennyson's ode:
Fifty times the laureate sharpened his pencil
Fifty times he turned over the rhymng dictionary;
Then he decided to give up rhymes altogether.
He, the patriot laureate,
He the lord-manufacturer,
Shaped stately memorial,
Made 1t regally gorgeous,
After Walt Whitman's pattern,
Rich in blackness, in dizziness,
Which might speak to the centuries
Through the Magazine Macmillan
OF this year of our jubilee.
THE original of " Colonel Sellers " was
the rebel general, jeff Thompson, after the
war surveyor of Louisiana and whose niece
is now the wife of Professor Proctor. JEFF
lived in Missouri and used to run up and
down the river with Sam Clemens MARX
Twain, when the latter was a steamboat
pilot. Nobody who ever knew jeff Thomp
son would for moment doubt the identity
of Mark Twain's portrait in the GildeC
Age" or poor Raymond's Characterization
of " Sellers " on the stage. The only differ
ence between Thompson and the a" Sellers
of Twain and Raymond was that the former
was more original in his eccentricities thar
him.-Chicdgo Mail.