News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-07-07
DELIGHTS OF THE COUNTRY.

Poetical City Maiden, rusticating for
while-CannOt you show me some
lovely sylvan dell, the quiet haunt of
nature, or lead me to some wild arcad-
ian pastures
Country Child-We amt got none of
them things round here, ma am. We
had a suicide last week, but he's done
been buried now.-Tccas ,S1tings.
PARTLY so.
Mrs. Buckrum-How's dat baby oh
you'n? Yo' wife was a-sayin' tuddcr day
ez how she hadn't named it yit. Reck-
on she call it arter yo, OBJ course2
Mr.. Hodge Crabtree-Wall, nom,
only patty. She goin' call i'm Willyum
Crabtree -Willyum arter her brudder
Bill, and Crabtree arter me.-Hdrper'S
Bazar.
ENCOURAGING REPORTS.
81 1heard such goodreports of George, y
said a lady who had seen her son at col
lege; 81 didn't hear him speak, but so
many spoke of his wonderful delivery. .
eyes" said the ladys husband, who
had also heard reports of George, 81
understand he can put the ball over the
plate whenever he wants to. N. Y.
Sun.
NOT THEIR FATHER.
Poor Widow-Can't We be afther as
sistin' poor wildly left wild six orphan
children?
Rich Man-Get along with you! 1
am not the father of your children"
''That We are not, sir. Their father
was a dacent mon !''-7'eEas SJftings.
FROM THE GERMAN.
Drill Sergeant Ito awkward recruit
You unmitigated rhinoceros, if you
don't quit finging your legs around as
if you were trying to catch flies with
them, I'll hit you a whack ON the top of
your fool head that will knock the birds
at the antipodes out of their nests.
KEEP HER.
Wife-Bridgeti is absolutely worthless
she tries me from morning until night.
I've great mind to let her go.
Husband-How much do we owe her?
Wife-Only two months wages.
Husband-Oh, well, we had better
keep her.-Ha1per's Bazar.
WESTERN JOKE.
A Chinese merchant of ready wit, who
has had a European education, describes
his tea chests "Tu doces," which is the
second person singular of the verb "Meo
doceo," to teach, and when translated
becomes "Thou tea chest. COIOradO
Miner.
so SMART.
Madame is scolding her maid:
elbow is it, FRANCHISE, that you clean
my shoes with my toothbrush 2"
because, madame, you see, all the
other brushes are so large, and madame
has such tiny, tiny, wee bits of shoes. "
ODDS AND ENDS.
Do good by stealth and blush to find
it fame.
He is rich who has q goodly store of
happy memories.
MEN of smallest soul are men of the
largest arrogance.
WHICH is the more avaricious A
man will run after a dollar, while dog
will follow scent.
THE Piutes say of the earthquake:
"Ground heap sick-heap bellyache-
no good !"
THE only rational living is well-bred
respect for your stomach and bodily ac-
tivity in the open air.
LORD bless you There amt nothin'
in a mans house, mr. in the wide world,
that can take the place of babies
The parents of pair of Boston twins
named one Stimuli and the other Taneous
because they We're born at the same
time.
CHURCHES in this great country in
crease at the rate of 10 a day; saloons at
the rate of 40 a day. What is the moral
of that 1t has no moral; it is very i'm
moral.
FROM an old bachelors album: cts
too soon to marry when one is young,
and too late when one is old. The in
terval may proftably be devoted to re-
Election.
News comes from Georgia to the eff
feet that a man i'll that State is ''lving
pleasantly" with his eighth wife. This
shows the value of trying again if at
first you don't succeed.