The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1887-01-20
WIT AND HUMOR.

heaued ''What TO Wear We know
what to wear now without reading it.
1t is winter clothes PtHsburg Chron-
fcte
A great scarcity of the very small
coins is reported. We are afraid the
heathen have got all the very small
coins by this time.-BuriingtoW Free
IresS.
If at the last day every one has to an
swer for every idle word spoken on
earth it will take eternity for the society
girl to file all her answers.-NeW UdUes
Neacs.
A good many fables begin Once on
a time. Oddly enough. too, when
married men have been once on II time
they are apt 20 invent fables. Sonaer-
q lie JourAa'.
Next to trying to catch the ear of a
deaf man. the hardest thing in the
w:'rld is to convince yourself that you We
caught the attention of a cross eyed wo-
man. Charleston Enterprise.
The difference between Il journalist
en- newspaper man is that the for
ner writes with pearl-handled gold
pen and the latter with anything he can
gel hold of.-Ne,O UdreM NetCS.
Emma ''Rcggy. darling, when we
house. will you?' Rnggy No. love.
the fellows will expect me- at the club,
YOU know" Still, Emma is not happy.
Il fe.
Hand did you see Monte Carlo?
She No. Papa called on him be-
levc, but from his disappointed appear
ance when he got back TO the hotel L
think Mr.. Carlo must have been out.
lid Bnts.
A Nashville astronomer has discover
ed comet with three tails. We re-
member Nashville AS place where even
the newspaper fellows each had IL deml-
john of whisky by the side of his desk
LoaOeH Citizen.
20. Clara" said Maud, Charley
took me sIeigh-riding last night | had
such fun. drove" What was the
matter with Charley?" Stupid! He
couldn't drive with his teeth. could hep
IN. Y. San.
When the small bov reaches the
dentists to have n tooth removed MS
toothacne departs. Would that wo-
mans ache for bonnet would fly as
quickly and positively on reaching the
modIste's
FIRST minister's wife-How glad am
to see you. Has your husband parish
now? Second dItto-O. yes; he is
preaching in Brooklyn now. First-Is
That SOP Well. do hope they will ac-
quit him.-Mea0 Haven Nea0s.
Helm awfully glad to be able to
offer YOU an umbrella, Mrs. Hauterive.
She-You're very kind. Mr.. Seizer.
shall take great pleasure i'll returning it
to INV husband He left it ut the club
last night. YOU know. BITS.
1t is repeated, with all details, that
the Czar did kill Count de Reutern. He
entered the Counts room, saw him
smoking a cigar. and instantly shot
him dead. He must have been smok-
inga tive-cent cigar.-AeW HdUen Nea0s.
Il hope, my dear. that you don't in
tend to 70 to the theater alonep" No,
indeed; never go unless ! AM chaper-
oned." Unless what?" ''Chaperoned. Vi
..rhats just the way with me; | always
Iiks 10 have chap around. " Harpe' 5
Bazar.
t.The ministers are almost unanimous
IN saying that the ballet must go. said
travelling man. Yes, one of them
went TO see an opera with ballet at
tachment and was terribly shocked y
Poor man! guess he never attended
flpl-dress reception. - Merchant
1raUc'er.
'.If you were going to lay in $1,000
worth of wine, who would you go TOP"
he asked of the barkceper of an up
town hotel. 10 any OF the manufac-
turers of bogus liquor" ''You would?'
Certainly; that's the only way you can
be sure of what you have got. > Hdtl
Street NeWs.
Young husband-Isn't there some
thing peculiar about the taste of these
onions. my dear? Young wife (anxious-
ly)-O, hope not. dear. | took such
pains with them. even sprinkled
them with jockey club before put them
to boil 10 take away the unpleasant
odor. J. San.
Simpson-'Weil, Muggins. how's
business?" Muggns (our artistic,
ripping! Got commission this morn
ing from a clergyman, Wants his chill
dren painted very badly" Simpson
(with that pleasant way of his)-"Well,
my boy, you're the very man for the
job" They don't speak now.-Judy.
'.rye become quite interested in that
poor man," said philanthrophic old
lady to the Sheriff as she pointed to one
of the prisoners. "lie tells me | would
be surprised if l knew all he had gone
through. II guess you would, mum.
said the Sheriff; that fellow is the
most expert pickpocket in the country
Uncle Jack Qrom whom Bob has ex-
pectations) Very enjoyable. Bob.
Wish didn't live so far away. so that
could have the pleasure of dropping
in to have snack with you and Mary
oftener." Bob-'Quite SO. But then,
my dear uncle. the less frequent your
visits are the more we appreciate them. "
Fun.
'It's no use talking. old man; she
has Tilted me. and l have nothing to
live for. | might just as well be ont OF
the world now.' Tut, tut, my dear
boy! Don't 60 and do anything despc-
rate" s.Yes. 1 will; I've got an invita-.
ton from some people at Orange 10 go
tobogg;tning and l shall accept IT.
Ioa0n Top cs.
A lawyer in New London county,
SOhHcClCuis WHiic eiolucHlly HIuiiiS
case Of great interest. is said to have
used the following beautiful phraseology:
when this slander. gentlemen of the
jury. reaches the ear of the strong arm
Of the law, it will kick awav every OBJ
stacle and with its lips declare, No,
sir. no. Stree, slr.' y
"You say. young woman" asked the
Judge, 'that this young butcher wrote
you love letters all wintcrP" .Indade
he did that, sor." ''Why. your Honor y
howled the indignant defendant. Il
can't write word to save my life ~
"Well, your Anner. he snt me some
tinder lines every week, he did sor. -
Verdict for the plaintiff -Burdette.
Little Charley. 1-2 years old. Is al
ready much elated ut the prospect of
being put in pants. He is, however,
sorely troubled by the thought of what
he shall wear when going 10 the tailor's
to be measured for them. For" he
says, II won't want to go in dress.
and shan't have you make them. mann
ma, nor any women folks; they don't
know now TO put the right kind OF
pockets '-Ba6yhoOd.
(t,r;st;an oIorry,,,, o,,oo ,,,o,4 a.