The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1887-05-12
WIT AND HIIMOR


enough.-Shoe and Leather Reporter.
It is all very well to talk about
mind-reading, but the thing that
should be encouraged is newspaper
reading. Burlington Haeckege.
ssSay, Jim. do you carry a pocket
piece?' ''Yes. most of the time"
4.What is it, gold or silver?" Neither,
its a pawn-ticket. - Detroi! Free
Press.
The prospects of the United States
in war with any foreign Power are
not couleur de rose, unless some fiori-
culturist can secure navy-blue
Jacqueminot.
I'm this cold world true friends are
rare, sings a poetess. Yes. dear
poetess, that is why the men go out
between the acts SO much to look for
friends. Baltimore american.
Young woman timidly to clerk)-I
would like to look at some false hair,
please. Clerk (experienceO = Yes,
a'am. What color does your friend
wantP Sale effected. -Iid-Bits.
Hello, Jack, where are you going
with that basket?' ITO trout brook,
if I can hear of one" s.Poor man,
S1u1 your WIG DCGIuS dS
early as this. .''-NeW Haven Nea0s.
Physician Examining rural editor
for life-insuranee purposes Your cir
culation does not seem to be impaired?
Editor-No; we're printin' $50 copies
week now, agin only 600 year ago.
Puck.
Ball dresses commence soon enough.
They begin on the floor, a yard away
from the woman, but they end in some
waist place before they have reached
fair shoulders to rest upon.-Neso Or
leans Picayune.
Dude (meeting his tailor where he
couldn't escape him -s.Ah, Jones, old
boy, how dy' do? Beastly weather
this, It's so unsettled, don't you
know" Tailor-..U yes-just like
your bill - Washington Critic.
Charley Ito his pretty cousin)-Do
you know, Maud, l understand that
the beautiful girl with Thmith ith bait
ing her trap Tor me? Pretty cousin
Indeed? What kind of trap is it,
Charley mouse trapP-New York
San.
.sWhisky never hurt me" said
Guzzle, ..l'ye been drinking it for ten
years and it never got me down yet;
it keeps me up" " es, said the col
porteur, eve noticed that you always
get high whenever you drink it. =
Burdette.
An advertisement in French news
paper: Fritz x, an experienced
accountant, desires place as cashier.
In the interest of the security of
patrons he would state that he is
.,f4i iiofaA with txvn Wnndan laOS y
French Fan.
Tompkins-.'Howa are you? O, say,
will pay you that bill the next time L
meet YOU" Johnson-..Yo You have been
saying that for months. A little
change would suit me better" Tomp-
kins-'sO, well, FL try not to meet
you any more. Life.
A household journal which slings
s.home hints" around promiscuously
says that s.the yellow tint of flannel
will disappear if it is left out doors on
a cold night" Perhaps SO. In some
localities the flannel will also disap-
Norr'astosoas Herald.
Young LADY, am convinced that
Algernon loves me. Mamma-Don' t
be too sure of it, DEAR. What makes
YOU think SOP" 4 have noticed that
lately he keeps his eyes constantly
fixed on the parlor motto, God Bless
Our Home. PtttsJurg Dispatch.
A Popular Science Monthly writer
says that monkeys have conversations.
We have not the slightest doubt of it.
Their ordinary chatter is about as in
telligent and as Ineligible as a great
deal that we hear from their human
brothers and sisters.-Boston Post
Coal Dealer-Where's Johnp Driver
He staid up to Mr.. Browns. Coal
Dealer-Why OH earth did he do that?
Doesn't he know we're short-handedp
DriverI suppose he does, sir, but he
said he was weighed in with his load,
and he had an idea he belonged to Mr..
Brown.-Harper,s Bdzar.
Grocer-So you haven't drank any
thing for month, Uncle Rastus?
Uncle Rastus-Oh, sab, not er drap.
Grocer-You deserve credit. Uncle
Rastus-Yes, sab. Cud yo' trus' me
to er ham till day after tomorrer at
qua'ter pass foh? Grocer-No, never
give credit.-New York San.
''Mr. Featherly,o inquired Bobby,
Notwithstanding the injunction of his
father that little children should be
seen, not heard, "have you got holes
1n your feet?" ssHoles in my feetp
exclaimed the astonished young man.
Yes; pa says you must have, or you
couldn't drink all the liquor you do. ,
.-NeW York San.
The King of Sweden has written a
drama in one act, which, it is believed,
will do more to prevent the drinking
of Intoxicating liquors than all the
performances of Ten Nights in a
Bar-room." Having only one act,
scores of young men cannot run out
two or three times during the per-
formance to get a drink.-NorristoaO
Herald.
Old lady (to street urchin)-
-'Wouldn't you like to be good little
boy and go to Sunday-school and be
taught not to swear or say wicked
things?" Little boy-s.No'm. Me
ladders goin' to git me a job on de
canal to drive mules soon's naviga-
shun opens, an I mustn't do anythin'
to interfere wild de bizness. ."-NeW
York San.
81 didn't like your cake very well
tonight" remarked Dingley to his
landlady. ''No?" queried she; ''what
was the matter with it," 1T seemed
to me it was little short" | have
noticed the same failing in you, Mr..
Dingley," was the terse reply. And
Dingley borrowed enough from his
friends to pay something on account.
-Ifd-Bits
Nebraska Deacon Ito minister)-
There is considerable talk of putting
pennies in circulation, rs many think
that we ought to have smaller coin
than nickel. Minister'S that the
sense of the business community
Deacon know very little about the
business community, but it seems to
be the sense of the congregation
NeW York San.
Magistrate Ito prisoner)-You are
charged with being drunk and dis
orderly, and assaulting Dutchman
What have you to say for yourselfp
Prisoner-The policeman arrested me
too soon, yer Honor. If he had given
me time for two more drinks would
have thrown my arms around that
Dutchman's neck an called him
'sbrother. ."-NeD York San.
rnnbIio annnfononoa N;Se