The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1887-03-05

a
MenGo,a are introducing new siyie VI
hustle with \ stool attachment, so That w"
fair yearer, when tired, may sit and resi-
most anywhere -.
Rscnus, a few little girls at Fairbury
lately went gu, on n irolic, dressed up In
,hsir bro,her's clothes, some newspapers
have started the story that all the girls OF
that town wear "duds," The young ladies
are Ind gnant thereanent and threaten "
they catch any OF these editorial iioeiers
IN make |, Fairbury severe with them.
Edward Dexter Tucker, Of Pontiac, has
been convicted Of bigamy, deserves him
right" That second wife-he shouldn't
have Tuck 'sr.
A boy at Dixon shot hole In his hand
while fooling with revolver, ana then h.
CONSIDERABLY slung the offending weapon
into the river. Thereby Indicating his
good sense" says the paper II he had
thrown the pistol In the river before II shot,
would he have Indicated better style OF
sense'
The Wonitor seems 10 have prejudice
spains, the street lights of that settlement
II says OF the gas lamps They loom up
In the darkness like tin lanterns on stills.
One and half candle power every other
block" would seem rather oEaqe, but II de.
ponds on which WY you are Luken ~.
A typographical error 10 the Free Press
made It speak OF a Strea'or feminine hat
foundry asa milIi0Hary store. Don't change
Il. It's literally correct. See how they
make money. Two straws and a speckled
rag, $27" At least that's how it looks to
"us girls" here.
A Sueator paper asks: "Why do ladies
wear such large bustles'" We started out
70 find the why of IT, The first lady We In.
quired Of replied its none Of your busi
ness" Tha, settled H. Give us an easier
one.
A party at Warren, H., has Invented q
new style of flying machine. The only
trouble he has had about IL Is TO make It
fly.
A Chicago daily newspaper had II that
Rock river at Oregon ILL.,, rose eight Inches
the other night, when, In fact, 1t rose eight
feet. The people there consider their town
as alandered, and In the future will boycott
Chicago papers. ...
A man at E,gin, lately, got q divorce
from his wife and married his mother In
law. This ought to put q stop 10 sending
any more lunatics to that city, for they evil
IDENTITY grow worse. Still, what the daugh
tor failed to effect, the mother may accom-
plish.
Congressman Hit, Of this state, proposes
TO reduce passport fees to foreign countries
from 8 (the present expense) to 81. Ii he
could drop the expenses OF travel In pro
portion, there are numerous editors who
would borrow 81 and go.
One of the policemen OF Joliet is made
OF good timber. That's Oaks.-Republtr
Sun.
Oakscuse usl We can te& him We have
u peeler named Frost, and when he gets
after the buns It's sigR II will be coOIer'
It's u cold day, &c. Besides, we have an.
other named Daily, who gets in some of
HIS work nights; and still another named
Green, who makes 1t healthy blue for the
fellows who try to paint Zulu town red.
A Joliet editor went to Wilmington 70 at
tend wedding and stole the groom's hat.
-Republic-Sun.
That's nothing. A Streator editor would
have taken the bride.
Stanleys statement that the greatest dif.
ficulty encountered In building railroads In
Africa Is that the ostrlches eat up tho rails
a. fast as laid This should be received
with several pecks of salt; besides, the
word rail, whether of railroad, feace rail-,
the rail- of a scoldlng wife, or any other
rail, spelled back wards, has An unpleasant
meaning.
They have q new craze among Boston
girls for whistling. A certain young lady,
who Is said to "have charming mouth for
whistling," makes money at private parties
by tuning her small pipe" and whistling.
This is bad. Can't II be stopped, Isn't
there any young man In that city who has
sense and courage enough TO nip II Ia the
bud, as It wereg
Why don't the pyr0tic and scribatlous
editor of the 1'rib.ae stir up something
warm for this rell of crugineus and TN.
wholesome weather Go. Neass.
How can he until he finds out what you
have called him. Besides, the Tribune
chap means we'll and never has stolen any.
thing large, and deserves to be treated
gently.
They are having considerable worry for
q name for the new cabinet baby. As II 10
q girl, John would not be satisfactory 70
the young lady for some fifteen years yet,
20 we merely suggested 1t Is an a proxy.
mate.
An eminent French doctor holds that
grooming and crying are operations which
nature provides for allevlating pain and
anguish; and. If people are unhappy about
4. A. l.ofx