Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1887-06-04
BUTTER-MAKING.
A Treatise upon the Subject by "Hon."
Bill Nye.

BILL Nye.
Butter is the mature fruit of a blown
COW. 1t is the greatest effort of her life.
The COW tolls not, neither does she spin
yet / say unto you that Solomon in ali his
glory could not beat her on handmade. or
rather milk maid butter. This subtle Joke
have repaired and newly-upholstered for
use during the winter.
Butter comes from the COW in LIQUID
state. 1t is quite trick to win her conf
dence SO that she will yield it up to total
stranger ! once sought to WOO the lacteal
fluid from the milk retort OF large speck-
led COW to whom | was comparative
stranger She wasn't one CT those blooded
COWS that looked as though they had been
cut out Of sheet of paper with pair of
scissors. She was low COW with coarse
instincts, born in obscurity.
Her brow was low, but she wore her tail
high, and she was haughty-oh, so naughty
The young man who had hitherto acquired
the milk from this COW desired one even
ing to HE him away to a neighboring viii
lage, where he might trip the light bonn
bastic toe till the wee sma' hours ayont
the twa" Quotation from a poet who
was a poor speller.) He wanted me to milk
his large speckled, plebian COW, and said
| would. The movement was certainly i'll
advised. | undertook 10 do as | agreed, but
failed. From the moment | entered her
stall, and made commonplace remark to
her, | knew our acquaintance would not
lead to warm attachment. Somehow, /
felt CONTAINED and uneasy in her society
from the moment We met until loving
friends pulled me cut through the stable
window and brought me back to conscious
ness. shall never undertake TO milk a
strange COW again until the sign is right
So far the sign has not been right.
/ might be sent on polar expedition
and get stranded on an iceberg, with no
other alternative than to milk a COW or eat
an old friend; but | should hate to tackle
the COW unless the friend was very old
friend indeed.
Butter is produced by expunging the
Juice from a rare and costly chemical
known as cream. Cream is the bead of the
milk. Milk is known as dry or extra dry.
A good milkman will always ask you
whether you want your milk wet or other
wise.
An old well-digger named Grady told me
about going over into Southern Indiana al
one time to dig well for man named
Withum. Withum was said to be very
close. He was the most contiguous man in
Indiana. His wife used to skim the milk
on one side and then turn it over and skim
the bubbles off. II was constant struggle
between Withum and his wife to see which
would be the meaner.
The first day that Grady was there, they
had round ball of butter, about as big as
lemon and as hard as Pharaoh's heart.
The butter knife had handle that would
turn every time any one tried to get lick
at the butter and the little round ball
would flop over on the other side and
smile. Now and then hired man would
reach over his own knife and make slash
at it, but the butter, confident of its own
strength, would tip over with dull thud
and the Tuan would heave sigh and give
il up. Then another farm hand would
make wild dash at it, but burst into tears
and quit. Finally. Grady, who had
watched this performance several days.
jabbed his fork down through the middle
of the yellow chunk and successfully cut
it ntwo. II the center was small solid
wooden top. "There. says Grady, i've
found out what Sbe blamed ihingN wound
on, anyhow.