The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-10-26
HUMOR.

WHERE to go when short Of money
Go to work.
THE man on the fence expects to save
himself by hedge.
THERE is only one season in the year
for the kangaroo-Spring.
SUNDAY-scHooL teacher-Now, chill
dren, what happened on Christmas?
Can't you remember7 Wee scholar Tin
great delight)-It showed.
THE man who said that all fun is
relative" has never been visited by the
bucolic contingent There is very lit
tie fun in relatives -Teras Strings.
A FASHIONABLE milliner who adver-
tises evening costumes of new designs
tells the truth Theoretically, for they
are OF nude designs. -I'eras SVttngs.
A PHILOSOPHER says mo man can be
useful man or good man who does nok
think more of humanity than OF him
self" Oh woe for the useless and evil
men in the world.-Boss0p Courier.
Our neighboring States are boring
holes in the ground after natural gas.
The crying need in this State is hole
bored deep enough TO strike natural
applejack. -RahWay (N ~ Adoocate.
LIZ Solomon had seven hundred wives
it is to be presumed he was married
seven hundred times. He must have
been a great card for the ministers If
he was any way liberal. = Boston
Courier.
HURRY! hurry!" cried Brown. i'm
patiently, up the stairs, well be too
late for church" 20, no, dear" replied
Mrs. b., buttoning her glove as she
came down, I'VE can't be too late. I've
got on my new suit "-Ne,c York Sun.
"YEs," said the widow, as she at
tempted to dry her tears, John de |
very poor, worse than penniless, / may
say, as he left nothing and owed some
50, 900 which 1 must pay by washing.
What was the matter? Oh, you see
John started strictly cash grocery,
and so had to trust everybody. and his
money gave out. That was all. "-Da-
kOtd Bell.
II THOUGHT you said you had trot-
ter" $50 l did" where is she?"
"Trottiag around town somewhere"
Il should like to see her. Which
street is she most likely to be found
on?" con any street, if she isn't in tbs
stores" I'm the stores?' "Yes; my
trotter is my wife. She trots all over
town three or four times day. "-Ne1c-
man Jndepend ut.
A YOUNG man ut college wrote as fol-
lows to his father: ~My Dear Father:
l have only time-being greatly rushed
with my studies to send my love and
tell you that l wish you would send me
fifty dollars. The father replied:
"My Dear Son: 1 have only time-be-
ing greatly rushed with my hay-to
send my love and tell you that have
not sent you fifty dollars. "-Arkansa,o
TraUeler.
EXCITED fisherman Ito summer-hotel
man There isn't bit of fishing
around here. Every brook has signs
warning people off. What do you mean
by Turing anglers here with the prom
Use of fine fishing? Hotel mani didn't
say anything about fine fishing. If you
will read nv advertisement carefully
you will see that what / said was, "Fish-
ing unapproachable." - burlington
Free Press.
THE Boston barber has retired after
sixty years service Think of it. Six
ty long years OF steady talking. Well,
there is only one thing lacking now,
and that is pension. Everybody has
pension nowadays, and all that he
will have 10 do to secure one is to prove
that he once shaved soldier and con-
.tracted rheumatism, or, better yet, if hb
could prove that the soldier talked him
down, and then in consequence he was
attacked with nervous prostration, he
would surely secure one.-Peck's San.
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