davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

"weIi, your deaty has got something else
20 do! I'm reading upon bread and butter
instead of poetry. Please keep your paw at
home"
"You used to read such lovely poetry to
me-
That was because was fool"
went over to the other side of the room
and cried, and he let me weep away for q
straight hour by the clock before he OBJ
served
"Now, Mrs. Bowser, II you have got
through sniveling we'll go down stairs ano
measure that coal bin and figure up the cubic
feet"
During our CourtShp we used to take long
walks in the gloaming and though l was
often So tired that | could hardly drag one leg
after the other, Mr. Bowser would insist on
dragging me around He was always quot
ing something about glorious Luna and
silver stars" and "heavens arch, and one
night as We sat upon the doorstep he put his
arm around me and said he could sit there
forever and aye II hardly a month
after our marriage that put on my hat one
evening and asked him if he didn't want to
wander out for a while and watch the silent
night shut down.
I'D like to see myself sloshing around with
this Internal corn on nv tor!" he replied
"Mr. Bowsrr. there was a time when you'd
have walked all night with a corn on every
toe"
THAT shows what an idiot a man can make
of himself"
"You once said we'd always walk hand in
hand in life's cleaning
Il don't believe it, know / was soft, but
I don't believe was as mushy as that"
But you certainly did"
well, I'll take it al back now. We've
got something else 10 do besides squeezing
paws and sighing about the cleaning. Durn
the gloaming, Mrs Bowserl The whole ca
doodle of it wouldn't buy peck Of potatoesl
II would look more suitable for You to wan
der out into the kitchen and see how many
tramps the cook is feeding at my e1pense."-
Detroit Free Press
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12
How Tom Gained and Passed Her.

Miss C was born only two years earlier
than her brother Tom, When Tom was 10
years Old She gloried because she was II; when
Tom was known to I've IA she confessed to
sweet l6; when Tom proudly boa>t-d Of IS
she timidly acknowledged berself past i9;
when Tom came home from college with a
moustache and n vote and bad party in
honor OF this twenty first birthday she said to
her friends: "Wh Il boyish fellow he is
Who would think he was only year younger
than II When Tom declared be was - and
old enough to get married she said to gentle
man friend: DO you know, I feel savagely
Jealous Ia think of Tom getting married But
ther l suppose twins are always more at
tache'l to each other than other brothers and
sisters And two Years later at Toms
Wedding she said with girlish vivacity TO the
wedding guests: "tA,ar Old Tom. to see him
married tonight and then think bow when
be was only years old they brought him in
to s-e me. hs only sister. | wonder if be
thinks Of it to nightT-Clarion Democrat
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

A little South Boston girl of less than
years was very anxiOus to use her sled, %
Monday night when she said her evening
prayer she finished with, please God, send
some snow, so that can take out my sled I"
During the night it showed enough to cover
the ground, and when she awoke she saw il
fast disappearing As soon as she was I'D sbs
went to the window and looked out silently
for few minutes, when she broke out: Our
Father, I meant snow; l didn't mean thi,
horrid 81 sshlr
1t has taken some Men fifty years Of
hardt work to reach a position in which
dey shall haf der abuse Of der public for
der remainder Of deir days.-Carl Dunder
IN Detroit Free Press
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

There were numbers of old Confederate
soldiers at the Southern society banquet, who,
like all soldiers, were full of stories and re-
miniscences. Mississippi veteran, who was
at Shiloh, related that as firing began at the
break Of day huge rabbit jumped from the
underbrush near his regiment and rushed
away to the rear, displaying an amplitude of
white fur that might have served for flag of
truce if the animal had gone into the Union
lines. By the story teller's side was another
Mississippi man, who, as he saw the rabbit
scampering away, shouted out: go it,
Molly Cotton Tail If it wasn't for my char
acter I'd lie with you. New York Tribune
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

Actors of good face and figure, who play
heroic parts and who come to be identified in
the minds Of susceptible damsels with the
heroes they represent, are frequent recipients
Of gushing epistles An exchange tells this
The copying of langushing poetieal extracts
in the love misSives of romantic Young
females is never more pronounced than when
engaged in a thrilling correspondence with a
real actor, more particularly il the girl be
not entirely too erudte. One Of our actors,
10 whom these poesies are common. received
one the other day that puzzled him at first
II was a well known fragment. evidently
copied fromA paper, and it was copied with
an unflinching devotion that would allow
none of it to escape, as the last line will show:
The night is long.
say with snhbing heart the old fond PRAYER:
Good night sweet dreams.
God help you everywhere chicago timesl
Brooklyn Eagla
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

-Have You an auction at your house to day,
Mr.. Slyf
mo. SIR"
"Then what's the meaning of that black and
red flag aying in your front yards"
Smallpox, sir"
SMALLPOX. Coed heavens! You don't
mean 10 tell me-
~There-dont alarm yourself, Mr.. Shiverly
Il don't mind telling you. The truth Of it
is that my Bible class has threatened me with
q surprise party, and rs president Of the board
of health I've taken the liberty to quarantine
my family yr-Ionkers Gazette.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12
With Suggestions, by, the Way. for Love
Making In Private Life.

With Suggestions, by the Way. for Love
Making In Private Life.
am out Of patience with the stage lover.
Not that there is anything wrong with the
lover himself-oh, no. He is faultIess His
full dress suit sits on him as snug hen on
a nest His shirt front is immaculate, and
is adorned with the conventional single white
stone His patent feathers are very nice His
moustache is. the ladies say. Just lovely
his complexion full Of color. his eyes roll
beautifully. and his voice thrills ali who hear
it with its tenderness and resonance. But he
makes me very weary when he stands behind
the lady Whose suitor he is and filings his
alteration and beSeechings over her shoulder.
Assweet as he is, want to get upon the
stage and kick him and tell him to face tho
music like man, and show the enemy that
he Is not afraid 10 look her in the eye
Make love TO a girl while looking at her
sbouders-gazing ut her hustle and the mole
on her neck! 1t IS preposterous. The aim Of
all art is to simulate nature, and the natural,
human, -for sure lover, as the children say.
doesn't do 1t that way. At least, l never saw
one Ones experience and observation on
this score are necessarily somewhat limited,
but in the dozen so of similar instances in
real life which it has been my pleasure Tor
pain to be somewhat familiar with never
yet knew OF a lover making a rear attack
No, my dear stage wooer, loves strategems
should bs confined to ways and means Of
reaching the enemy's territory, of ambuscad-
ing her. as it were. where she must fight or
surrender; but when you get her there don't
shoot from behind cover. Don't fix your
rapturous gaze upon the mole on the back of
her neck. Face her like man whose board
bill is paid, and who is not embarrassed by
consciousness that he is committing bigamy
or sorse other felonious offense And when
you have begun your front attack follow it
up warmly Don't stand so far away and
give expression to so much awe or timidity
Lovers in real life may lie presumptuous and
boorish- The stage lover should at least 10
bold.-Chicago Herald.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

The funny man" we do detest
pvsQ Isq 10 puv;s OF prQ aus II
Who aims at us his ancient Jest
'noqsmos " ~ ,s5 ?. aus asuS "A
A joke % so aged, stale and hoary--
-pssI iPusITs ssJIs uIscd sIqL
The same old, weary, dreary story
suIulIvJ y ol sluso usl lao II. an MON
OF how We curious daughters of Eve
'Aoqs 20 puIg Usual sul sls5 sqs II
Though this latter fact We deeply grieve)
'Aousuuos mo u puy II.sqs lao noi lna
Must stand on our heads point TO find
:Aou1 o. lon ,q5uo aus SuIqlsuros s "
In these comical e: lines from the funny mans"
mind.
usuoa y ssuoA SulVl aus s.sIaVl il
Art Printer
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

A young gentleman was calling at house
on Algonquin avenue a day or two ago,
where he is frequent visitor. While wait
ing for one Of the young ladies he attempted
the heavy affable with q small Mecca little
mits OF thing who was, as a rule, calmly
ignored. "Ah! Miss Smallweed,' cries the
rash young gentleman, playfully chuckling
the child under the chin, shall clap you in
my pocket and carry you home with meT
No, thank you, - was the quick reply, you'd
better pocket Aunt Mabel. and then you
VoA,t hava 10 csaus hsps 20 nftanp
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12
AMERICAN FABLES.
THE BURGLAR AND THE JUDGE.

THE BURGLAR AND THE JUDGE.
A Burglar who was On Trial fc? having
broken into a house pleaded in extenuation
that he spent at least three hours Of his vain
able time and Dr. no, secure anything ia re.
turn
That is an Injustice which shalt be rene
died, replied his Honor. an reward you
with live years free board and lodgings"
MORAL:
Even a Burglar will get his dues before an
Honest Court.
rHr woL1 AND THE GoAr
A Wolf one lay Discovered Goat in the
loft of lis masters barn, where he could not
bs got at, and he, therefore, sini.ingly an
nouncei:
II beg pardon for having disturbed you,
but came To say that have lately reformed.
Come down and let's talk II over"
Not this ever replied the Goat, as be
chewed away at an Old pair of overalls
Then you distrust ner
-Oh, no, no. Pm simply waiting for n
Lamb to come along and test tho stability Of
your reformation"
MORAL.
Few rascals reform except to their own
prott-Detrut Free Press.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12
Had Him on the Hin

A Cincinnati speculator went over into
kentucky to take a look at an oil spring
which farmer claimed to have discovered
on his land. Sure enough the surface of the
water was covered with oil, ard it could bs
traced along a creek for a mile "Well, what
do you think" queried the farmer, after a
long investigation. why, think you have
used about three barrels Of petroleum around
here, replied the capitalist. "Humphl That
shows how awful sharp you are. didn't use
but one and half wall Street News.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

That is goot story they are now telling at
the expense of the Rev. DIR. Phillips Brooks,
Of Boston Here is the way it runs: The
genial autocrat was fishing one day in the
yacht of a well known character of East
Gloucester named Capt. Cook, vino follows
the SEA for livelihood In conversation
Capt. Cook informed DR. Holmes that the
last fisherman who had hired his boat was
DIR. Brooks He was very pleasant COM
pany," Capt. Cook was kind enough to say,
"bu- he sNore good deal for clergyman +"
@He did whatt7 inquired Dr. Holmes, aghast
He swore," stoutly reiterated Capt.
Cook. "Oh, nonsense, 1 don't he
lieve it, said the doctor We'll,
what do you call this" inquired the old fish
erInan. "Ht got haddock Oh his hook and
be had greet deal Of trouble TO get it near
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

the Doat. Al last he landed nm and 1 sa,u,
said l: Well, for a hadJlock that fish pulled
d-n hard Yes, he did said DR.. Brooks
Now, what's that but swearing" The only
trouble about the story is that ii is simply an
adaptation, a revival The original yarn
upon which it was built celebrated its centen-
nial the year that Ananias and Sapphira dis
solved partnership 1t has maintained its vi
tality ever since at the expense Of several
scores of clergymen, and is likely to run until
the crack of doom unless the supply Of doc
tors of divinity runs Out. New York Tribune.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

A Dakota woman who wanted fur cloak
began trapping mink and tanning the skins.
These she sent to St Paul, where they have
just been made into . beautiful cloak, for
which she was offered SIPS A Chicago
woman, it may lie added, wanted beautiful
fur cloak about the same time She began
trapping, caught a single animal and now
has cloak worth $500 1t wasn't a quadru
ped she caught, though.-Chicago Tribune.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

All the pretty girls in town were at MrA
Walter Lawrence's dance, but no paper has
yet found room for the colossal cheek Of the
dude who immortalized himself on that occa-
sion. He had been dancing. and sat down
with bis partner near a window which had
been opened for ventilation. The moment
the air struck him be shivered, and turning
to the girl, whose neck and arms were bare,
said: Il cawn't stand that drawght Would
you mind changing seats with mer'-New
York Star
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12
He Hadn't Any.

huckster from the market yesterday
halted a farmer OF Grand River avenue
with:
Hey, are you loaded with producer
"Humph!" sneered the farmer as he pulled
up. I'VE don't grow any Of that stuff out
our way"
What do you grown
"Well, we dabble more or less in pro-juice.
and I've got a load of it here"
That's given me a hint" said a potato
peddler, who had stopped his vehicle to make
dicker. i've been calling it 'proud -yuse'
for the last dozen years, and what must the
critics have thought of mer'-Detroit Free
Press
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

A Kentuckisn who had claim against .
railroad in that state for 800 for damages in
. smash up was recently visited by one Of the
company's lawyers, who inquired:
What sort of injury did you sustainr
"Narvous injury, SIR
"To what extentlr
ITO sich an extent that my old shotgun
now wobbleS about so much that no longer
ago than yesterday shot at a rabbit and
knocked over the best coon dog in all Ken
tuck. I've riz on my claim to 500. and I'm
goin' to push it until somebody hollers for
mercy--Wall Street News
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

The Pinkerfons have added another to their
aurels by capturing the robher who held
up" a coal train on the Scoop and Digout rail-
way, and have succeeded also in recovering
the bushel Of coal which was taken from the
train. The outlaw was afraid of disposng of
the valuable mineral, as an attempt to do SO
would have heen suspicious in the extreme
Chicago Herald
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

Wife treading the papari-It's disgraceful
that the papers should give such prominence
to prize fighting. Here is an account of
6ght between the Little Mouse" and BILLY
the Kid, nearly a column long
Husband-lts worse than disgraceful
Which whipped!
Wife, don't know. l haven't finished
the article yet-New York Sun.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

Her rosy mouth is just a mint
To coin her breath in golden dollars:
The higher box and parquette sell.
The higher Patti ira la lalers
Oh when she sings her bosom sweIls,
She scars the heavens like n comet:
And every time her pearled month opes.
A hundred dollar note flies fromit
The soul is thrilled with wondrous song,
Which stirs fellow up SO that he
Feels his heart 60 pit-a pat,
But, at the price, not pity Patti
Omaha World.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

Tommy was taken very sick. His mother
discovered he had been eating too much pre-
served stuff, and while awaiting the doctors
visit implored him to tell her the cause Of H.
Mother" he said finally, mother. Name
Duffy rejected ME suit, and7 hoarsely, 1it
drove me to jam. It'd Rits
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

The lover who writes the sweetest valen-
tine poetry before marriage doesn't always
make the sort of husband who will bring up
the coal and gently soothe the wailing twins
five years after the wedding day.-Somer-
vile Journal
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

She-Your little wife made that cake with
ber own dcar little hands
H--Well, now, If my little wife will eat
that cake with her own dear little mouth
xii be satisfied Life -
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

"Can February March," asked the pun
ster, with a sickly smile. Perhaps not" re-
piled the quiet man; but April May.r-De
troit Free Press
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

Nine. Patti believes that she has dtB-
covered jewel in her niece, Carfina, and
predicts that she viii become Q great
singer in time
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12
THE LIME KILN CLUB.
latest Proceedings of that Famous
Colored Debating Society.

Colored Debating Society.
The secretary then announced a communi-
cation from Prof DE Lisle Cahan, dated at
county jail in Ohio. The professor was on
his way from Kentucky to lecture before the
club on the subject Of: The Colored Man a
Century Hence" and had been arrested and
Jailed as a suspicious character He wanted
TO be identified and released by the club and
IN return he viii deliver his lecture for
nothing. Several members moved that his
nne of $40 be forwarded by telegraph, but
BROTHER Gardner replied:
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12
A HINT TO THE STAGE LOVER.

Few rascals reform except to their own
profit Free Press
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-03-12

se,-d stamp for Ms. Pinkhams Guide to Health"
and Confidential circular. with description of csss
Md sy.nptoms Of weakness Mention eA,s Rzpsr
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1887-02-27

stamped Cleveland as the greatest Ex-
et utive that ever filed the President s
chair, or the most foul, sway backed,
bull-necked scoundrel ever spawned of
corruption; by that time the convivic-
raligio-politicos of the Alta Club will
have solved the trembling question
whether it is to be a cold water cam
paign or one of Rederer, quarts; Major
Nounnan, General Maxwell and Con-
mod, re Gilberson will have learned
whether their long and arduous ser
vices are to be rewarded at last; the
billions of capital now waiting on the
Territorial line will have come over and
invested itself. or reburied itself in east
ern vaults, and on every hand there will
be halcyon days or Hades to pay.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1887-02-27
SOTTO VOCE.

EVERY ONE has at one time or other
run across the face Of some one per-
fectly familiar to him, but whose name
he could not recall. There was crowd
of cattle men, from the north. at the
Continental, the other evening, and
some of our Salt Lake citizens were in
troduCed to them. Some time later
one of the cowboys found himself
seated by the side of a tall, slim man,
with a white, short beard, and a re-
served manner. The cattlemsn knew
the face. but could not recall the name,
and with view to obtaining the de
sired inform 4tioa, he casually COM
menced:
Pleasant evening, SIR"
Very PLEASANT"
Good weather for cattle"
Very good, indeed, should say
LET me see, where is your winter
range now?'
"Oh, 1 have no cattle" responded the
tall, white-bearded man, with smile.
81 am still presiding on the bench of
the Third District Court;
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1887-02-27

BUT to that great, calm, quietly-plod-
ding, unmoved body, the people of
Utah, the question is what? Simply
this: If the President signs the bill,
well enough; if he vetoes it, somewhat
better. In neither event will there be
any deep mourning OF hysterical jubi-
lation. If the bill is vetoed, we are
where we were before; if it becomes a
law, mark it, in twelve months the
Liberal horde of this Territory will
view their Iabors precisely as Charles
V viewed his after he had performed
Ahat highly interesting feat of
Marching up the hill with ten thousand men,
Marching up. and then marching down
again.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1887-02-27

FRIDAY NEXT the clang of u O'Clock
noon will terminate the session of
Congress which, to the people OF Utah
has been as memorable as any that ever
sat in the national halls. By that time
the Loyal Leagues organ will have
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1887-02-27
IN .>nEr1LpING ROCK.

,rr.sgs vARLEY & EyE; .15,ia 81 HAY 1be
ing leased the lime klns kn fbe aI TITAN titS
Lime and Cement Company are Bl 5iSi Roc ~
furnish first class Lime t5s ana shortest notice
in any quantity on me ne, s ~ Som WeSf
T Tce at. Street. North OF HERALD Building.
Telephone No. 27I
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1887-02-27

THERE Is an old storys of Sheridan
Knowles. whose atrocioss memory for
names furnished a themeZor countless
anecdotes. One day in the Strand he
met an acquaintance that he didn I
recollect, and he determined 10 try an
ingenious scheme for ascertaining the
name and saving mutual modification.
How are you, old boy" began
Knowles. This is most fortuftous.
I've wanted TO see you to settle a
doubt as to the correct spelling OF your
name. VIII you relieve my perplex-
ity?"
with pleasure. It's J-O-n-t-s."
"Ah, to be sure. I'm much relieved
by your decision"
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1887-02-27
w,DaME MIzPAH

CrAIROYANT AT No; q
UHERE IS a = - Room Q. a lady of abil-
Kimfoll B 5d,5jiitT' who comes highly re-
~ and resPeclapll,Iciia sses of people and has
Commended 3! d. some ONE OF the best citizens
ttestimonia' ron SinHi6Trned. She can read the
Th lt resent and future.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1887-02-27
RIANK ROOK=.

V FOHIIN HAS on HAND ALARGE
K, Io+ oi BIauk Books, with first class
linen ledger paper and bound with new
and improved style OF binding, WHICH he
cfFers al very low prices. Blank Books
ruled and bound TO order, IN any pattern.
CoIi a,'d examine prices and wOrkmanihip.
0''-' E. V. FOHLIN,
2s. Main Street opposite z. G. NJ. I.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1887-02-27
.,rc,E GENTLEMAN

rsr9Iyf ROOM AND BOARD. , WITH Id a
ES-S5is family and who g %gdIe a0
06E e 10 By applying c q a sni
Office Office: ,-l y,i the business part OF town.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1887-02-27
IT HAD BEEN RUMoREp

around during the morning that there
was the possibility of the Mormon bill
not being reached in the House on
Thursday, and that there was some
thing in the rumor was verified bv Mr..
Perry Belmont's objection to the bill
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1887-02-27

7ovERoY, BROKER AND l REAt
Z Fs tG4 AGENT, 158 Main Street; S eG5
" %, aS'-' 4 -nses and LOJs for sac, anu
70 LCaH -aai estate business transacted.