Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-20

in doing things which he afterwari bitterly
regrets, admitting always. however, that his
wife got him into IL. No other anthrnIoid
plantigrade, paChydcrm or moilusk can ever
hope TO compete with high browei, thinking
man in making large oval chump of him.
self and then coming right out frankly and
admitting that his wife is to blame for it. No
other male mammal when il pounds its thumb
with tack hammer turns and throws the
hammer at the female of its species
Why should We buy ticket over the Red
Hot Valley and Skewgee railroad and pay ex-
ira baggage on S1;S2 worth of new clothes.
when the Manhattan elevated scenic route,
with kind hearted and scholarly guides. ready
at any and all times to gather in a few
thumbs from the great mort masses by
means Of those cute little iron gates, stands
ready to take us to ami beyond the Harlem
On the redirect examination, | might also
ASK why we should go away fifty miles in or
der to ride on a make believe horS, in the
merry so-round, when We can STAY at home
and ri.e in the Soluptuous bobtail car for five
centsi To ride in IA bobtail car is TO teach one
how small he is and what al insignificant
atom he is on the face of the earth. He NAV
leave the pulpit or the forum with the ar-
plause Of the multItudes still ringing in his
ears, but when he enters the bobtail car he
sinks his identity and becomes plain Amer
lean citizen with another American citizen
standing on each of his feet
He neeSl not 60 away 10 Saratoga in order
to COVER in the presence Of a hotel clerk,
who, in his time. has looked through and
through some Of our most eminent men, but
70 on about four blocks down the street. He
can paw five cents TO bobtail car and in
the presence of a driver and the old man
with a mouth like midnight assassination
who stands on the rear platform and smokes
a pride of the lesthouSe cigar If he cannot
cover enough in twenty minutes to last him
six weeks he is a mighty difficult man to
please.
Ii is here also. that we are thrown i'll con-
tact with the corpulent old lady who tries 10
put a nickel into the contribution box Just as
the car starts. but who suddenly changes her
mind and deposits il Iii the eve Of Il man who
has made b uletalism a study, but not lefore
at such close range.
The great speciality OF the bobtail car is to
keep its temper till you go to pay your Gssess-
ment, and then rise up and belt You across
the brains. That is the reason il is frequently
called the Belt line.
There is no less restraint on a bobtail car
than at a fashionable resort. Yesterday
drunken man with feathers in his hair, large
musouito bites on the back of his neck and
All illicit breath, leaned his weary head on
nv breast and with a little fluttering sigh
like a tired child, went TO sleep. He slept
from about forty rods below Spuyten Duy-
vii to a poiu' mere the country line road
crosses sec. on six There | woke him I'D
and gently taking his rosuish hand out Of my
pocket l leaned him over the o. her way,
with his head against the shoulder of an old
lady who had rested big paper bag of moist
and mushy pears on my knee for two miles,
and got Off the car feeling as we'll pleased in
every way as | would had been ON q long,
extensive excursion.
There is also the woman who is intent on
thinking how she will chisel some great dry
goods emporium out of twenty. even cents
worth OF samples, and who gets off the Cur
forgetting her baby, which is asleep OH the
seat She always rides III a bobtail car, and
although she frequently leaves her baby on
the seat that way and always wildly attacks
The driver about it the next day, and very
rarely gets the baby returned to her, she does
not seem 10 refrain from riding in the bobtail
car. and she never seems to run short of chill
dren.
Some day am going TO write n New York
society novel called The Flight Of the Bob
tail Car" 1t will be full of thrilling passages
and will contain sparkling New York society
dialogue which will be good 10 speak in
school The book viii also contain a graphic
description Of Il race between two bobtail
cars; also a chapter detailing an attack on a
bobtaii car at DesbroSses street, i'll which the
driver is forced TO defend the car against a
band of road agents, attend t. his horse, keep
his eye on the cash box, syll packages Of
small chan. @ 10 passengers, look at tue little
mirror over his head TO see if his hat Is on
straight, squirt tobacco juice spray through
tile front window when running to windward,
watch for punched coins, avoid running over