Daily Yellowstone journal., 1887-01-07
A DUDE IN TRAINING.


Under the Barber's Hands.
II was my privilege the other day to see
dude, not exactly au naturel, but with
out any Of the garnishings that would tone
him up and set OF his peculiar points to
their best advantage. 1t was an awful
sight and 1t shook my belief in natural
selection and the progress OF the race
until the chimneys all tumbled down
aud the plastering came of. II was in y
place where the poor little creatures 60
to get themselves improved by gymnastic
exercises and where saw all the secrets
of their toilets. You needn'ta ask me how
I happened to be there or how managed
to see all did see. just read and be
grateful.
Well, about the dude. He was develop
ing his form. And IL needed it. I've
seen girls pad, who looked about as much
like their dressed selves as Thanksgiv-
ing turkey all ready to be carved looks
like the strutting lord of the barnyard
that he once was. But that was nothing
to the transformation there had been in
this creature since had seen him coming
down Fifth avenue q few minutes before.
He had on the usual attire for athletic
exercises and was see-sawing away at
some kind Of an arrangement for develop
ing the muscles of his arms and chest. His
poor little lead pencil neck looked as II
sudden Whit Of air would snap il in two,
and without the support Of his big white
collar his ears loomed out like wings.
The excuse for clothes that men wear at
that kind OF work was supposed to fit him
skin tight, but they hung around him In
such folds and wrinkles, like drapery,
that il relieved all my embarrassment in
looking at him. His arms were bare, and
they were the thinnest, skinniest, sallow-
est, most worthless looking pair of arms
that you ever saw. Let him tug away
at his best and he couldn't get upa bulge
of the biceps bigger than your thumb.
lie gave it up after he had pulled and
bobbed around and bulged out his eyes
and got red in the face for about five min
utes.
"Weally, now, you know, I'll have to
stop. I'm beastly blown
The attendant suggested that II he
found it too difficult perhaps he'd better
not try that form of exercise any more.
But he shook his head sadly.
"No, I'll have to keep on, for, weally,
don't you know, my tailor has to put so
much padding in my clothes II makes me
tired TO carry it. must keep up this
beastly thing"
They wanted him to take cold sponge
bath, but he shook his head in terror and
declared il gave him chill TO think of it,
so they took him away into seclusion to
rub him down with almond oil instead,
and proceeded to dress him.
Later he went to baber who makes q
speciality Of Identifying the swells. There
they trimmed his eyelashes, pulled out the
scattering hairs between his eyebrows,
rubbed his face all over with some kind OF
a gentle cosmetic, curled his poor little
pretense of mustache with an iron, gave
his head perfumed shampoo, extracted
/ some hairs that came down too low on
one side Of his forehead, spent an hour
shaping and polishing his finger nails, and
when he was finally ready TO come out
from their hands what do you think they
gave him 10 take home' Itwas machine
that looked as il it might be fiist cousin
to clothes pin, and the fellow was to
wear IL on his nose at night, lie thought
| his nose was too big for the rest of his
/ face. that IL he could only reduce IL little
his features would "weally be quite wegn-
lah. aud so he WAS going TO put this cor
set on ut night. Belle in Cincinnati
Enquirer.