The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-04-14
9lashes Of fun.

Whenever a dentist takes the stump,
he draws well.
81 am stumping the town." said a
begger with a wooden leg.
During a thunder storm a negro boy
was severely kicked by a vigorous mule,
and just as he was picking himself up a
stroke of lightning hit the mule and killed
it on the spot. "Well, dar!" exclaimed
the negro, eff dis chile hain't got pow'ful
friends to 'venge his insults, den dar's no
use trying to hab faith in anything"
-Snipkins refused to get his wife a
new hat; soon after his little girl came in
and said: Mamma, won't you buy me
a monkey to play with when you go down
town." mo, darling-wait till you are
older, and then marry one, as [ did," re-
Piled the grief-stricken wife, her tears
bursting forth afresh.
Eyes, SIR" said the liquor dealer, "it
is a good law that prevents any one from
opening a school within five hundred feet
of a liquor saloon. School-houses are the
ruin of the trade, any way"
my darling, you do not bestow on
me so much affection as you did before
we were married." remarked a p%outing
bride of four years to her husband"
Don't II" he replied. mo, Charles, you
do not; you pay very little attention to
me-" said his wife. "Well, my DEAR
observed the wicked husband, "did you
ever see a man run after a horse-car after
he had caught it,"
mo sir; my daughter can never be
yours" II don't want her to be my
daughter!" broke in the young ardent;
II want her to be my wife,"
-"How many donkeys have you in
Austin, my little man 2" asked a passen-
ger on the south-bound train, protruding
his head through the car window at the
depot. 20, we've got some few donkeys
here in Austin, but most of them keep
right on through to San Antonio" The
stranger bumped the back Of his head on
the car window, and sank back in his seat.
-"Little boys, what are you doing with
all that mud?' "Pleath, thir, we's dess
pilin' it up in two big piles" "But what
are you going to do with it?" yves
goin' to play editor. Tommy's going to
be a publican editor an rs goin' to be a
democrat editor, an Yves goin' to pelt each
other dess as the fortruly editors does."-
Chicago NeWs.
1t was a Boston lady who asked the
waiter in a restaurant to bring her "some
detached propellers of the amphibious
animal of the genus ana" When he
found out she only wanted frogs legs he
became a raving maniac.
"Does sister Annie ever say anything
about me, bub? ?" inquired Augustus of
Armies little brother, while waiting in the
parlor. YES" replied bub, "she says if
you'd rockers on your shoes, they'd make
nice cradles for me-"
Il hal teach you to speak properly,
and then to write as you speak," said a
teacher in the public schools. Poor Billy
Wilcox" said a little voice apparently in
voluntarily. "What about Billy ?" ''Please,
mann he speaks through his nose-he will
nave to write through his nose, won't he
MAIN?
-"Whose grave is this ?" said a gentle
man, while strolling through a cemetery.
THAT" said his companion, lis the grave
of Mr.. Taggleworth." "That so? Why,
hang it, he owed me ten dollars. | am
the most unfortunate man in the world.
NEEDED that money. Hello! Who have
we here" "Mr. Zulkin, who died the
other day" "Well that's encouraging.
[ owed him twenty dollars. Made ten
dollars by the two transactions. Arkan-
saws a pretty good country after ALL"