St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1887-03-20
HOMESPUN LETTERS.
The Narrow Escape the Interstate Com
MERGE Bill Had From Get
ting Veto.
An Act That Has Doomed American Peo-
pie to Many Months of Hard
Walking.
The Only Chance of Escape is In So
curing a Situation With Some
Railroad.
Sleep Walking Splendid Exercise to
Put Mans g ambrel joints
Into Trim.

q St. Paul, March IA, 1SS6.-TO His EX-
cellency, President of the United States.
Grover Cleveland, Dem. Dear Grover: 1
regret very much that was absent when
your letter came asking me what action
you should take regarding the interstate
commerce bill. l was at that time buried
in the depths of Dakota, amusing myself
with gnawing ragged edged holes in law
brOwed hay stacks until the snow had
melted away so that l could walk in to
headquarters in my low neck and short
sleeve costume, without running risk of
the snow drifting in through the roof of my
mouth.
If l had received your letter in time
should have instructed you to return the
interstate commerce bill to the author of its
being, richly embroidered with an electric
blue veto; as things stand now. the entire
population of the United States is liable to
do more pacing up and down the weather.
beaten face Of the earth in the next year or
two than has been their wont.
There is no doubt in my mind that walk
ing is splendid exercise, but when applied
to that yariegated stretch Of country lying
between New York and San Francisco, it
dWindleS into ScandalOuS inSignificance
alongside OF seal brown pass good over
six or seven thousand miles of steel rails.
l reiterate that walking is splendid eXer
else, but I hold, that when man walks
any further than from his bedroom to the
breakfast table, he is INDUCING too freely
with something that is just as much other
peoples as it is his own.
l fear that you have been a trifle too
hasty in the matter. You may not think
50 now, for your pass is good until March
81, but when later on you wend your weary
way from tie to tie between broad sweep
ing fields of new mOWn hay, then it is your
heart Will badilled with new moan, hey?
,tffSc0aEaeGt can't blame you for doing as
you have done, for you did all that the law
requires by asking my. advice, but do re-
greet that circumstances were such as to
keep your letter from me until it was too
late.
1t has brought a great cloud of disap.
pointment upon me. l can now understand
Persian bric-a- brac had for arguing that
the pen is mghter than the sword. With
one stroke of your pen you have doomed us
all TO several months hard walking. and in
anticipation of the strain that is about to be
brought to bear on my gambrel joints after
March 81, l have begun walking in my
sleep to get myself in condition.
| had figured out with the aid of my wife
several thousand miles of railroad that we
would inspect next summer, but fear now
that our health will not be of that robust
variety necessary to undergo the ordeal
should we carry out our plans No doubt
you think we could pass the time very
pleasantly as we fitted gaily over the
plains and through the villages, but my
experience has taught me that on the aver
age railroad the ties are laid too far apart
to allow woman to fit over them with
much apparent gaety.
Were a groveling, grasping monopolist
l would undoubtedly accept the position of
president of the Chicago, Milwaukee u ST.
Paul railroad This would give me the
prestige of railroad employe and give ME
the same perqusites that are enjoyed by
brakemen, but Pm too magnanmOus;
could never stand it to sit proudly and
even haughtily Oh richly upholstered seat
and look down upon yonr tired. wan face
as you step from the track to allow the
train to pass.
l would suggest that for convenience
sake you file application with some reputa
Bile railroad company for position as tray
cling passenger agent. Ii you get the
appointment it will give you leverage
that you will find Of great benefit to your
nerve tissue as you pass too and fro
between Washington and Albany.
| take deep interest in your welfare; as
for myself, so long as the railroad COM
panies continue to trim their locomotives
with cow catchers and leave the doors of
their freight cars unlocked, 1 have no doubt
l can manage to get free transportation
until my whereabouts are discovered. Sym.
Oathatic9l1v yOurS