Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1887-08-05


Mrs. Cleveland is said to be very modest
about her piano playing, and some mean
newspaper men insinuate that she ought
to.
The Bloomington EBt claims that it's |
editor has lived and lived well, on 20
cents per week. We are really curious to
know how he spent the other three cents. |
A party of German soldiers visited
Nancy during the national fete last week,
and they have not been heard from since.
1t is feared that Nancy dosed them with
ice cream seasoned with tyrotoxicon.
An enraged Wisconsin man attempted
to throw an immature custard pie at a
waiter, but the pie recoled and covered
him with eggs, milk and confusion.
Bulgaria is said to be overrun with
armed bands. The Bulgarian band has
the reputation of being worse than any
we have in the back towns of New Eng
land, and if they didn't 90 armed people
would fall upon the trombone man and
stuff his horn with old boots.
There is divinity student in the White
Mountains VINO acts as waiter in a sum-
mer hotel week days and breaches in the
little village church sundays. Last Sun
day he informed the astonished congrega-
ton that "the usual collation. will now be
taken up"
A Colorado girl mistook her lover for a
bear and filed him with shot. He weighs
more than he did, but is not handsomer.
The summer school of philosophy has
closed Curiously enough there have
1. Il tla
and only a few cases of total prostration.
1t is said that the Indian name Chaut-
auqua means easy death" We always
supposed it meant talked to death"
These Indian idioms are too much for
us.
A Michigan man owns a kicking mule
which has been known to fracture the
panks of a ceiling 10 feet above the floor
of his stall. That mule ought to go into
journalism as a fighting editor.
Mrs. A. NJ. Bellows of Homer, N.Y.,
found a man under her bed few nights
ago. Instead of screaming and faintng,
she grapped with the intruder and before
she got done with him he was bald in two
distinct places and his face looked like IA
piece of raw beef. Some women are aw
full particular about keeping the floor
picked up.
Edward Eggleston says that the two
worst habits he ever fell into were early
rising and overwork. And vet nine-tenthS
of the worlds moss covered proverbs are
devoted to the laudation Of these mon
strous impositions.
A letter from Mrs. Blaine written July
- says Mr.. Blaine was never in better
health that he has been on this trip He
is enjoying Scotland hugely. He drives
and walks daily and has several times
danced on the green, a thing he has not
done before for years" We wonder that
some mugwump journal doesn't rise to
remark that Mr.. Blaine's dancing on the
green will cost him good many Irish
votes.
Twenty 1.-TWO boilers exploded on recent
Sunday III one place in Silesia and the
authorities went straight to headquarters
and arrested the Salvation army. Which
shows chat it doesn't pay to have a reput.
alton.
The man who sits down and waits to be
appreciated will find himself among I'M
called-f for baggage after the limited eX-
press train has gone by WhitehuU
Times.
There are those who intimate that when
Henry George started his Antl-Poverty
society it was the abolition of his own
poverty which he had chiefly in view, and
that he is succeeding to quite a remarka-
BILE STANDARDIZATION journal.
An etiquette rule, now going the
rounds, says that "when a lady and gen
tleman walk on the street together, the
lady should always be inside the gentle
man" But supposing the gentleman
can't swallow the lady, what then p
Springfield Union.
Wife-John, why didn't you wake me
up last night during the fire on the next
block
Husband-It didn't amount to much,
Wife-Well. the next time | wish you
would let me know it ; you know ! can't
sleep ii there is a fire anywhere near
It'd Bits.
Some envious creatures in London are
comparing Buffalo Bills success to the
conquests of gladiators in the more rotten
days of the Roman empire. But the glad
iators of ancient Rome never pulled in
$40 900 a day by their shows BOStOn
Post.
Clara Morris rides a saddle horse p
years old. That isn't quite so old as Anna
Dickinson's hobby, but it isn't SO apt to
buck and throw its rider into the tanbark
l-BrOOklW Eagle.
Mrs. Cleveland is having several new
dresses made by Worth of Paris Tor the
next seasons gayeties. Poor woman (!
She is so busy that she can't find time to
turn and make over her last winters
gowns. -SprtnWeld Union.
The other night fair little Margherita
attended a children's party, and after the
return home her brother spoke in admir-
alton of little girl whom he had seen
there, and whom he pronounced very nice,
"All little girls are nice, " said Margherita,
gravely. Pm nice. "-BOStOn Trans,
script.
Modern Course of Studies, Fond Father
-"Well, my boy, what course do you in
tend taking this year ?"
Sou-"Same rs last year.
Father-"Let me see, what course dld
you take last year ?"
Son-"Race course. "-JUdge.
Young Ted Castle-Quite lot of girls
smiled at me OIL my way down the avenue
! lust now, Jack chaWming girls they