The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-08-24
BRIGHT BITS.

An old man keeping an ice cream saloon likes
to see young people enjoying themselves. -Ne'C
Orleans PicGy1tne.
TIE most afflicted part of the house is the
window. II Is full of Danes: and who has not
seen more than one window blind.-4ntericdn
LUentor.
SOME day when Ignatius Donnally hasn't any
thing to do he might sit down and figure it ont
that the forbidden fruit was banana, and
Adams fall was caused by the skim Washing
ton Critic.
DoMEsTIc-What will I get for breakfast?
There isn't bit of bread in the house.
Mrs. Youngwife-Dear, dear! That is too
bad l suppose you had better have toast.
PttsbDg Dispatch.
How did you break that lamp:" roared Mr..
Testy
'Just lighted it. and that broke it," said his
wife; darkness falls, you know, but light
breaks. '-Burdette, IN Brooklyn Eagle.
MISS B. has asked Brown and Jones to play
tennis and stay to dinner. They appear in ten
mis- suits, each with small handbag containing
linen collar and cuffs Miss B.-"There, told
mamma you would have sense enough to bring
dress suits."-Ltfe.
''SAY, bub," remarked would be fisherman,
are there any fish in this stream
Yep"
viii they bite?"
None OF them ever bit me, mister; but you
don't need to go into the water to fish if you
don't like. "-Pittsburg Dispatch
''You ought to be ashamed to lend money at
9ner cent /"
1T is usurious rate, and if, as it seems, you
do not fear punishment in this world, think of
what you might expect from on high"
That's all right. The looks like from
there.-P1ris Figaro
PAPA, how do they catch monkeys?n in
qured Willie, who had been to the menagerie.
The best way, nowadays. think, is by
Of -hay. trim
size cart wheel hat and fancy paraSol.
Yes, = remarked Willie's mother, musngly:
81 used to be very much addicted to those little
foibleS before we were married - Washington
Critic.
You've wIFE-O, Mr.. Jones, I'm so sorry Tom
brought you home TO dinner to-day. If he had
told me you were coming I'd have had some
thing nice, and haven't thing in the house fit
to cot
Mr.. Jones-Now please don't say word about
it, my dear madam. You needn't worry your
self a particle take the most of my meals at
home myself.-Pttsbory Dispatch.
'HELLo, Major" said the Judge this morn
ing. Il haven't seen you for a week; where have
YOU been?"
"Been home sick as a dog" replied the
Major.
You! Why, you were always as healthy as
could be. What in the world made you ills
We'll, | tried to follow some rules on health
l saw in the papers. '-Pjttsbltrg Chronicle
Telegraph.
ST. PETER am ready to resume charge of
the gate. Was gone long?
Accommodating Spirit-It seemed only few
moments, and attended to your duties as well
as could.
thank you. But see here; what did you
send those five bad men up to the highest seats
forf''
They are millionaires"
"Humph, Who are those people crouching
back against the wal?"
'Oh, they're nobody; just ordinary folks. |
told them guessed they wouldn't be put out if
they kept quiet"
Well, well! Why, you have refused to allow
quite number of good people to come in at all,
| see. They are poorly attired, to be sure, but
their records ere stainless. What were you on
earth anyhow"
Il was a church usher Omaha World