The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-02-09
HUMOR.

fast.
SKYLIdHTs-The sun, moon, and
stars.
GENERALLY at loss--The underta-
ker.
AN after dinner speech-"Check,
please
CONFINEMENT is better than money,
and just about as scarce.
To BE good company for himself
man must keep his conscience clean
OSCAR WILDE is letting his hairgrow
long again. Mrs. Wilde is NOT the wo-
man we took her to be.-MdcOn Tefe-
graph.
A RoL1ING-MILL out in Detroit has
had to suspend payment. 1t looks as
if rolling mill gathers no moss, too
Life.
THE strong willed are usually sue
cessful in life, says philosopher. we
doubt this. All women are not sue
cessful in life.
THE ARKANsAw TRAVELLER.
There was IA young man of Arkansas,
Who had most savage old father-in-ias,
With shoe number
He shot him over tho 60
And made bone dust OF his lower Jas
Detroit Free Press.
"ZAT vas nice q compliment vat
genteelman pays me last evening, re-
marked Sig. Profundo, the new basso
of the Vermicelli opera company. "Ah,
what did hesay?" He said 1 vas
base born.
IT is said that William ID. Howells
collects materials for his novels by
shopping with his wife. Few authors
receive sufficient money returns from
their novels to adopt such an expensive
mode of collecting material.
"GIMME hunk of dried beef" "Thir?"
"Bout couple pound NV dried beef"
we don't keep dried beef, thir. )"
"Then wot do We go and advertise to
sell dry goods fur if We don't keep a
full stock ?"-Harper'S Bazar.
THE man who dug the graves for
three husbands of Mrs. Foster, of
Green Bay, Wis, became her fourth
husband this summer. On hispart his
his sympathies were stirred, and on
hers she felt under some obligations.
SOME one says that "John l.. Sulli-
vans portrait is on many drawing-room
tables in New York" The drawing
put 50 in and draw out nothing. Have
you been there !-YOnkers Statesman.
Mrs. YoUNGHUsBAND-Wel have
You no more questions to ask?" APP
plicant-"Shure, no mum. Ye same
to be a dacint sort of person, but Oi
couldn't think of acceptin' the place till
l see the written characther We got
from yer last cook"
"SUE FITZPERCY has large amount
of airy persifage," remarked the high
school girl. "Have you noticed it
Amy?" Il noticed she had tremend-
Gus big hustle, Mildred, but L didn't
know the dictionary word for it,
Pittsburg Chronicle.
In Lewiston Me- grammar-school
class the teacher looked over the class
and said "Now, can anybody tell me
what the word gender means?" A long
silence was followed by the swapping of
a boys fingers at the foot of the class.
well! what is it, john" asked the
teacher. "Please, num-" was the re-
ply, "it's what goes with the geese"
"DoN'T you like jelly-cake with FROST
ing on top, Mr.. Featherly ?" inquired
Bobby. 20, yes" laughed Mr.. Feath-
erly, "but thought that / had eaten
about AZ the dessert L ought. How
ever, since Bobby is so polite about it,
Mrs Hendricks" continued the young
man, II believe you may give me
small piece of the ielly-cake." "All
right, said Bobby, "and I'll have some
too. Ma said could have a piece if
she had to cut into it."
THE COLOR OF HIS WINGS.
There is man in our block
Whose lungs wondrous strong;
He tries them every evening,
And White Wings" is his song
He sings it with precision
And force. despite our pain;
Then turns the mnsic oxer,
And sings it through again.
His singing makes one weary;
No peace is known ut night,
Oh, when this torment gets his wings
They'll surely not be white,
-Vdughdn Sntder. IN Iid-Bits.
DEACON ndignantly)-"Did you see
the last joke on the contribution box?"
Pastor (smilingly)-"No, L don't be-
lieve have, and L don't expect to live
long enough to see it" Deacon (some-
what nettled)-"0h, well, mean the
latest 1 think it's a shame to Keep
poking fun at it all the time. 1t ought
to be stopped" Pastor--"I hardly
agree with you, Deacon. L think the
contribution box ought to be kept con-
stantly before tho paopla D;tto