davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1887-09-23
HUMOROUS.

Rlch pread-A Dig pay roll
Companions in arms-Twins
The sculptor is the man who carves
out his own fortune,
The cream of the base ball club should
be found in the pitcher
"Bear with me little" observed the
grizzly as he hugged the hunter.
"Oh mammal sighed little Ethel, 81
have such headache in my sashr
1t is the silent watches of the night
that render alarm-clocks necessary.
The fisherman has no difficulty in
making both ends meet when he catches
an eel.
An advertisement in live paper is Of
great assistance to dentist. 1t ''draws"
for him
There is one drawback to being
queen. The people know just how old
you are.
No, Nellie, stirrup is rot what they
used to beat eggs with, but to ride
/ horseback.
squildig calls big bulldog in his
neighborhood Delay" because delays
are dangerous.
Wife: in the game of lawn tennis
my dear, what is the most difficult thinA
to acquire2n Husband "The lawn"
An old woman may be an incorrigible
gossip, but when you come right down
to facts, the peacock is the greatest tail.
bearer of all.
Teacher do the class in chemistry:
What does sea water contain besides the
sodium chloride that we have mentioned9
Head boy: Fish.
The man who has nothing to- live
for calls in the doctor as quick as any
other man when there is anything the
matter with him.
Thirty-two hundred babies are born in
the United States every day, and yet
people wonder where all the squalls and
cyclones come from.
Guest (to child of hostess) )-"My
little pet, why do you sit next to me at
table to-dayl7 ChiId-"B "Betause-be-
tause mamma says 90 drink like fish,
and want to see 90 do it."
Foreman TO editoD-Do you want
the Rev. Mr. Goodmans sermon, 'Feed
my Lambs, " to 90 on the editorial pagei
Editor (adsent-mindedlD-No. Run it
in the agricultural Department.
seasickness, it is sa.. does not origi-
nate in the stomach This may be true,
but those who have been its victims can
avouch that it starts straight for the
stomach the moment it attacks you.
A barber says that his occupation pro-
duces the most nervous men in the
world. This is probably owing to the
fact that barber is no sooner through
with one scrape than he begins another.
Little Boy Pa what does "phenom-
enaln mean7 Father-It is word used
by the citizens of Illinois, Iowa, Kansas
and Nebraska when they refer to the
I growth of their respective towns. 1t
doesn't mean much.
The Rev Joseph CooS says it is hard
for man to get away from his environ
ment. The youth painfully realizes
this when he has barbed wire orchard
fence on one side, a ferocious bull dog
on another, and the old man coming at
him with a hay fork.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1887-09-23
At Thirty.Five.

If half Of three-score years and ten
Make half the life Of man;
If life is merely time why, then,
I've but to live my past again,
To finish cut my span
But since a thousand years may run
Through one brief moments thought,
Ny life, though it were nearly done,
I'd count in truth but just begun
Had l accomplished naught.
What have donel Wen, this at least:
I've taught myself to strive:
I've learned that crusts may make a feast
That wealth is only want decreased
live at least at thirty five
-[Chicago News.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1887-09-23
Cbicogo's Waning Stock Business.

Chicago is gradually feeling the west
ward drift of the cattle and hog bust
ness. The traffic of the great stock
yards Is lessening, and the time is near
at hand when Kansas City pork products
and Montana and New Mexico dressed
beef will partially supplant the Chicago
pork and beef ii. Eastern markets. Not
many years ago all the beef consumed
in Boston and vicinity was driven on the
hoof to Brighton, Medford and Water
town. 1t now comes largely in refrig-
orator cars. Chicago will sooner or
later meet similar experience. Il Boston
Cultiyator.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1887-09-23

Consumption in the United States, ac-
cording to statistics from the census col
lated by Dr. G. w. McCaskey, averages
only per 1000 Of mortality; which is
less than in Switzerland, and little more
than half the average Of Europe. Above
our average are the New England and
Middle States and California. The in
terror and lake States are very near the
average, while the south Atlantic and
Gulf States, and regions west of the Sjth
meridian Except Texas and California;
barely exceed one per 1000
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1887-09-23

''Ten years ago only one store In a
hundred had what is known as tea
faster; now there is no tea house of anv
Importance whatever which has not in
one of its employees a good tea faster, "
said large wholesale tea dealer. "a
thousand chests Of tea will be received /:
the tea faster then gets in his work. A
little tea is taken and put in a scale;
Just enough to balance fye-cent piece
1t is then placed in cups and boiling
water is poured over the tea. The faster
then takes sip from each cup and
writes down on piece Of paper his idea
of its worth.
''No two tasters, however, agree to
the value of tea, especially the black
oolong, which is mostly drank in this
CITY,"
"Does the tea have any injurious effect
on the tasteri"
Sometimes he will get hold of pos
itively rank grade, and then he will spit
it out as soon as lie can. Frequent tast-
ing often makes man very nervous, and
most of these men soon acquire a positive
dislike for tee and drink nothing but
coffee. Thefeare connoiseurs of tea as
well as whiskey. - Philadelphia News.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1887-09-23
Medical Advice.

There is your money, doctor, and
Pm much obliged to you. Ideclare, my
children are always meeting with acci-
dents, and ! ought to know how to treat
them. Now, what would you do in the
case of a broken armq"
wen, say ten dollars for setting, and
afterward the usual price, two dollars a
visit.-LBoston Courier.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1887-09-23
Interesting Photographs.

An accomplished amateur photogra-
pher has a set Of rough Manila albums,
each one devoted to one of his children.
The first page shows the baby day old
and not month passes without a picture
Of that child or some Of its surround.
ings-the nursery, the house, its books
and playthings. On some pages are
family groups in which the child fig
ures Beneath each picture is writer
the date, and the album will constitute
q curious record for the future. = Har.
ner's Bazar.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1887-09-23

Within few years the thousands of
horses employed on horse railway lines
Of this country will be supplanted by
electro motors in propelling cars. The
lesson in this change for the farmers is
that animals fit only for horse-car ser
vice will be much cheaper in the near
future, hence breeders should devote
their attention to producing a better
class of horses for gentlemen's driving
and for family use, also heavy horses
for express and teaming business gener-
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1887-09-23
PharaOh's Flowers.

The remains Of no less than fifty-nine
species of towering plants from mummy
wrappings IN Egypt have been identi-
fed. The flowers have been wonder
fully preserved, even the delicate violet
color of the larkspur and the scarlet of
the poppy, the chlorophyl in the leaves,
and the sugar in the raislns, remaining.
- -1Chicago Herald.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1887-09-23
aOf No Consennence..

A bright little girl, who did not see
the value of arithmetic was asked to
give the total of five cows and seven
cows "Nine, she answered promptly,
and her answer being rejected, said
Eleven" On again being convinced
Of error, she became scornfulIy indifTer-
cut, "oh, it's of no consequence how
many cows there are, ;" she said; "you
know well enough and don't want t
know n-[Troy Times.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1887-09-23
His Yacatinn

'Hello, Charley, what are you doing,
moving9" asked one young man of an
other whom he met with a big valise il
his hand.
I've just commenced my vacation"
"Your vacationYp
"Yes, Pm vacating at the request OF
my landlady. ~ Washington Critic.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1887-09-23
A Practical Fathers Opinion.

Anxious Chicago Father Ito friend)-
l fear that my son will never amount to
anything.
81 heard" the friend consolingly re-
piled. ''that he had written a magniti-
cent criticism on the school of Ameri-
can realism"
ooh, yes, he did that, but he sold a
COW for $40 when he might just as well
have got s1O.25. ."-[Arkansas Traveller.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1887-09-23
viii Outgrow II.

"Tm not going to play with Willie
Wafiles any more" was Flossie's die
tum.
"Willie is very nice little boy" said
her mamma.
q don't like him. In fact, I don't
like boys at all, mamma. I guess it is
because I'm not old enough New
York Sun.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1887-09-23

Miss Frances Z. Willard, President of
the W. c. T. L., has sometimes ten Sec
retaries at work Some years she has
travelled 30, 600 miles writing on the
cars nearly all her speeches and articles
for the press. She has visited every
town in the United States of 10. 600 pop
u.atiou, aud many with only 5000, or
aanizing branches of the w. c. T. u.
For tn years she has delivered on an
average speech day.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1887-09-23
4 Commission That Was Declined

OVhihhi7H mat " as DeclIneu.
Artists have a good many queer Gus
toners, and they have advantages for
observing what vague ideas it is possible
for man to entertain respecting art and
nature too. An ex-soldier went to the
studio of D. J. Cue, Of Brooklyn, one
day, to inspect a picture of Lookout
Mountain that the artist had been paint
ing The picture pleased him, and he
evidently had thoughts of purchase, but
he was suddenly struck with brilliant
idea that he communicated thus: 81
was in that fight. mister, and I'd like
you to paint my picture on that. Let's
see. You could paint me right here in
this field, facing front, with my left
hand resting on top of the. mountain. 3"
The man was in thorough fearnest. lie
did not see that if drawn to scale his
figure would be about 5000 feet high,
and that he would have a reach of arm
that would epable him to grasp at an
object six QJ seven miles away Mr.
Cue precipitkJy declined the commits
sion. Il Broe d Eagle.
Maryland independent. [volume] (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1874-current, 1887-09-23
A FEW HINTS
FOR THE USE OF

For Constipation, or Costiveness, no
remedy is SO effective as AYERS PILLS.
They insure regular daily action, and re-
store the bowels to q healthy condition.
For Indigestion, or Dyspepsia, AYERS
Pills are invaluable, and q sure euro.
Heartburn, Loss of Appetite, Fo,r
Stomach, Flatulency, Dizziness, Head
ache, Numbness, Nausea, are all relieved
and cured by AYERS PILLS.
In Liver Complaint, Bilious Disorders,
I'd ,Jaundice, AYERS PILLS should be
given in doses large enough to excite the
liver and bowels, and remove constipation.
Asa cleansing medicine in the Spring, these
PILLS are unequalled.
Worms, caused by morbid condition OF
the bowels, are expelled by these PILLS.
EruptIons, Skin Diseases, and Piles,
the result of Indigestion or Constipation, are
cured by the use of AYERS PILLS.
For Colds, take AYERS PILLS to open
the pores, remove infammatory seeretions,
and allay the fever.
For Diarrhea and Dysentery, caused by
sldden colds, indlgestible food, ETC., AYERS
PILLS are the true remedy.
rheumatism, Gout, Neuralgia, and
sc,atica. often result from digestive derange.
nent. or colds, and disappear on removing
die cause by the 1se of AYERS PILLS.
Tumors, Dropsy, Kidney Complaints,
Aid other disorders caused by debility or
abstraction. are cured by AYERS PILLS.
Suppression, and Painful Menstrua-
tion. have a safe and ready remedy in
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

who sl:all or shall not benefit by the use of orr private property.
 We honestly believe that the whole future of our business lies upon proper and strict observance of these princi- ples, and so thinking shall do all in our power, both as an association and as private citizens to properly enforce them. On motion of Mir. Smith in view of the duties of the Secretary and Treas urer, he was relieved from the payment of all dues and assessments for the com ing year. Carried.
 The meeting then adjourned until the nex. annual meeting.
 HENRY SMITH, Pres. WILL C. BARNES, Sec. and Treas.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

In accordance with a generally ex- pressed wish, the general roundup has been postponed until the rainy season. The Executive Committee of the Stock Association will meet on July 31st, to fix time and place. We thin!, this a very sensible plan. Every year, up to the present, the round-up has commenced in May, sometimes under the immediate influence of little green grass, and at other times influenced by the hope that grass would come. Always the same disappointment-played out horses, thin cattle and dissatisfied men. In August cattle and horses will stand tue work brands more readily distinguished, and a more satisfactory conclusion arrived at generally. Of course the different ranges will be worked and calves brand ed in June, but it will be very light operation on thin cattle. compared to a general roundup.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21
A Suggestion to the Travelling Public

Tourists, emigrants and mariners find that Hostetter's Stomach Bitters is medicinal safeguard against unhealthful influences, upon which they can implicitly rely, since it prevents the effects of yitiated atmosphere, iInaccustomed or unW holesome diet, bad water, or other conditions unfavorable to health. On long voyages, or journeys ill lati- tudes adjacent to the equator, it Is especially useful as a apreventive ofthe febrile complaints and disorders of the stomach, liver and bow els, which are apt to attack natives of the temperate zone sojourning or travelling in such regions, and it is an excellent protection against the influence of extreme cold, sudden changes softemperature, exposure to damp or extreme fatigue. Itnot only prevents inter- Elittent and remittent fever, and other dis
 leases of malarial type, but eradicates them, n fact which has been notorious for years past i1 North snd South America, Mexico. the West Indies, Australia, aiId other countries.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

Balance in school fund ~ $1 ,085 23
 This explanation is due. When l came into office, January 1, 1887, Hound that about January l, 1886, the County Treasurer had reported to E. c. Bunch, County Superintendent, certain sum in the General School Fund. Upon this report the County Superintendent is sued warrants, after apportioning said sum to the various districts. When said warrants were presented for pay ment, it was refused. The fact being that when the Treasurer reported as above stated, the money was not in the County Treasury. Under these circum- stances, 1 deemed it advisable to pay these outstanding warrants out of the money reported to me. This has been done, as appears by the foregoing report. The books show balances in some of the districts, although the money is not to the credit of said districts in the Treas ury. I have continued such balances waiting until the money is returned to the County Treasury.
 All of which is submitted, this 1st day of April 4. D. 1887.
 RoBT. E. MORRISON,
 County Superintendent.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

Sheriff Owens received a letter from Mir. Slaughter, Sheriff of Cochise coun- ty, informing him that he had Red Mur- phy in custody, and would hold him un- til he received word from our Sheriff. George West is now the only one of the escapes at large, and it is very probable that he will he picked up by some vigi- Iant officer before great while.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

Our iovial, jolly, rollicking old friend, c. E. Cooley, made his appearance in St. Johns last Tuesday afternoon; and, as usual, was immediately surrounded by host of friends, all wanting to shake hands at once NIT. Cooley has not wis ited our town for more than year, but we fail to notice any change in him, un- less it is that he is more fond of his jokes than ever.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

R. c. Blassingame lost no time in leaving town, when the grand jury was discharged at the opening of this term of court. We are informed that all that could be seen of him or his horse was a cloud of dust which followed his retreat as far as the eye could reach. Bob is not partial to serving as grand juror had rather be at home playing with that miraculous baby of his.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

The calendar of the District Court for this county is still crowded with cases, both criminal and civil-as we stated sometime since, it will take month of industrious work to clear it, and we hope Judge Wright, on his next visit, will be able to stay with us, until the good work, which he has helped us to inaugurate, can be completed.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

ot the Territory of Arizona ys. Sol Earth,
 really made no defence or had none to make. let the jury were out q consid- cradle time before they rendered yer dict. We understand the first ballot was eleven for conviction and one for acquittal, and so they stood all the time.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

The case of Sol Earth was fought with all the stubbornness, perseverance and ingenuity of three of the ablest mem- bers of the bar of Arizona but our Dis trict Attorney proved himself more than ia match for tine three. Apache county can justly be proud of Ter District At torney, and criminals will, from this time on, be Il little wary as to violating the law.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21
SCHOOL REPORT.

To the honorable, the Board Of Super visors of Apache county, Territory of Arizona:
 Gentlemen-I have the honor to sub nit my quarterly report as County Su- perintendent of Schools of said county for the quarter ending March 31, 1887. General School Fund re-
 |, m Aa -Os 0o
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21
LAND NOTICES.
-nTICE Fnp PUBLICATION.
LAND OFFICE AT PRESCOTT, AEIzQSA. .ln

LAND OFFICE AT PRESCOTT, AEIzQSA.
 March Sl, 1Ss7. Notice is hereby given that the following named settler has filed notice of his intention to make final proof in support of his claim. and that said proof wll be made before the Judge, or in his absence the Clerk ef the District Court at St Johns Apache County. Arizona Territory, on May 9th, ISS7 viz: ". E. Zeigler of show Low, Arizona, for his DcelaratCry- Statement, No iSsS, for the northwest quarter of section S.. Township 10 north Range 2l cast.
 lie names the following witnesses to prove his continuous residence upon, and cultivation of. said land. viz: Wm. Amos, Charles Br0WG, Of of Show Low, Arizona, K. C. Kinder, and J. c. Adamsou, of HOlbrCOk, ArizOuA.
 J. l.. CAMP, mh31 Ct Register.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

Mir. Ernest Tee, we are glad to learn, Is improving slowly, and thinks he will be able to return home ln month or six weeks time. His numerous friends will be reioiced to see him.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

The trial jury after being out eighteen hours returned verdict of guilty in the case of Sol Earth for forgery, and now tine jury-particulariy the foreman, Mir. Burbage-deserve the thanks of the peo- ple of Apache county.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

A letter received from MT. Swinburne stated that he might start for Arizona on or about the 2d instant. If he did !, it is about time he should be putting in an appearance among us once more.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

Afr. Henry Tuning has remained in town during the entire term of court, and will leave for Show Low on Satur- day next.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

our old townsman, F.. D. Johnson, is located at Flagstaff for the present. The citizens of that lively mountain town will find him good workman.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

All the brands of the Apache County Stock Growers Association will appear in the HERALD as soon as the cuts ar
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

Judge Wright has presided over the court during this term with such ability, fairness and impartiality as to win the commendation of every one.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21
nlh31 Ct
NOTICE FOR PUBLICATION.
LAND OFFICE AT PREScOTT. ARIZONA, ADril II ISS7

LAND OFFICE AT PRESCOTT. ARIZONA,
 April If, 1887. Notice is hereby given that the following named settler has filed notice of his intention 10 make final proof in support of his claim, and that said proof will be made before the Judge. or in his absence the Clerk of Ihe Di t.ict Court of Apache County, Arizona Ter isOfy, at St. Johns, Arizona On May 20th, lSs7, viz: lgnaciO Bazan, of Show Low, Apache county, Arizona Territory, for his peclaratory Statement Nc. 1900, for the north of the southwest quarter and west lh of the southeast quarter of Scc'i n 10, Township II north, Range 23 east.
 He names the following witnesses to Fr0ye his continuous residence upon and cultivation If. Joseph SponSl.r and JChn Bull, all of Show Low, Apache county, Arizona Terr:tory.
 J. L. CAMP.
 apIl6t Register.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

Will G. Barnes, Secretary and Treas urer of the Stock Growers Association of this county, started for home last Sunday.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

It has been said that it was impossi, bie to convict man of any crime in Apache county. This term of the Dis trict Court came near making the as sertiop true, The defendant in tire case
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

Sol Earth will probably be sentenced by Judge Wright on Saturday.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

Frank Reed, editor and proprietor of the Apache County Critic, arrived in St. Johns last Tuesday morning. He was summoned as a witness before the grand it1ru
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21
NOTICE FOR FUBLICAT
 LAND OFFICE AT PRESCOTT. AT 7.

NOTICE FOR FABRICATION.
 LAND OFFICE AT PRESCOTT. AT 7.
 April 21 1SST. Notice is hereby given that the following named settler has filed notice of his intention tO make final proof in support of his claim and that said proof will be made before the Judge, or in his absence the Clerk of the District Court of Apache county. Arizona Territory, at St. Johns, Arizona. on May 27th. 1887, viz: William NJ. Rudd, of Springerville, Apache county, Arizona Territory, for his dcclaratory statement, No. 1861, for the southeast 1I of the northeast l{ and north l2 of the southeast l4 of Section l. Township north, Range 9 east, and southwest A of the northwest 1<, Section 6 Township north, Range 70 east
 He names the following witnesses to prove his continuous residence upon, and cultivation of, said land, viz: C. ". Wakefield, St. George Creaghe, Henry Smith, Gustave Becker, all of Springerville Apache county, Arizona Terri tory.
 ap2I-6t ], l.. CAMP, Register.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21

Sheep and jurymen don't pull to- gether.
The St. Johns herald., 1887-04-21
SAL V() TMENT

The great restorative and tonic. Has been used for many years with remarkable results, and is guaranteed to cure MEN young or middle aged, who have by their indulgences or indiSeretiOns hrOught unnn themSelypS