Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-08-18
SQUIBS.

sQUIBs.
A Manchester grammar school Miss re-
Gently defined sinister" as "female sim
ner."
McGlynn says he is still priest. He
may be priest, but he certainly Is not
still.
Never marry girl who refuses to eat
corn from cob; ten to one she has got
sore teeth.
A school teachers switch should be a
whalebOne, of course. 1t makes the boys
blubber.
What this state needs at Washington is
bowler, a man who will ask for every
thing in sight and get it.
"Why do you cal, him pier" because
I like him." But you say that he distress
es you awfully." $50 does pie"
It has been estimated that a pair of
wrens destroy at least 600 insects day.
They do this to wrenovate their systems.
A Philadelphia school girl, upon being
asked by the teacher to define hollow
mockery, promptly replied, "a hustle"
There is said to be $3.50 in the Hawaii
an treasury. AS this will buy three gal
Ions of rum, it may be several days be-
fore the king resigns.
There was almost as much fight in the
Boulanger-Ferry duel as there is civil SER
vice reform in Grover Cleveland, and not
whit more wind.
Four young ladies' in a quadrille at
Saratoga last week represented $2O,OOO,-
600. Any one good Georgia housewife is
worth double that amount,
placard in Philadelphia dry-goods
store reads: "The Lord helps the man
that helps himself, but the Lord help the
man found helping himself here"
man at Florence, Arizona, has taken
| so much calomel that these hot days the
mercury rises to his head, and he gets sc
topheavy that he has to walk with q
crutch.
Here is another warning to tobacco
chewers. A man in Virginia was killed
by the weed after using it only one week
bale of tobacco fell on him and broke
his neck.
At the Hoffman (wearily) y
"Aw-bawkeeper, give me-aw-a new
drink; something I've nevaw had befaw'
Barkeeper-"Yes sir" Passes oat glass
of ice water.)
ut doesn't take me long to make ur
my mind. can tell you'll" said conceit
ed fop. "It is always SO where the stock
of material to make up is SMALL" quietly
remarked young lady.
Trade instinct at Lake George: Mrs
Co HEM is going down for the third
time-Mr. Co HEM (who can't swim g
stroke)-"As you loaf me, Leah, t'row
dem earringks ashore! Der CANT pc
mached in der cidys"
Fair Saturn has silver ring,
The moon ring of flame,
The sun has got no ring at all,
But he gets there just the same.
Wong Ching Foo has an article in the
August number of the North American
Review entitled: "Why am Heathen?'
| Will Mrs. w. G. Foo have one in tho next
issue of the magazine telling why she is
a she, then?
The "all hail'' poets of this country
who have just recovered from the severe
mental strain of finding a rhyme fol
"Kap1olani," are paralyzed to learn thai
| the Siamese Prince, Kron Luang Deva
wongse Varoprakaw, has arrived.
"What scare I've had!'' said Robinson
| bne JULIET uay on meeJlng friend; my
rooms caught fire yesterday "And
then?" II was SO afraid for my wife,
''Her life was in danger?" eyes; you see
her disposition is so infammable."
A beautiful illustration of the uncon
scious poetry of childhood was given by
little girl few mornings ago, after one
of the heavy rain storms: Mamma,
guess that some poor angels have beer
and DOT into trouble, cause, see, the
moon and the stars they's been cryin' al
night"
The old gentleman had just propelled {
yoang cadet from the front entrance, and
as he went back into the house, he smiled
grimly and murmured: II ain't much oil
society man, no ways. 1 never learned
to dance the German, but I'll be doggonei
if amt way up when it comes te
waltzn the military"