Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-15

| back into the palm of his foot. He will
have highly trained biceps muscle
over his eye to retain his glass, and
that eye will be trained to shoot a
curved glance over high hat and wit
ness anything on the stage.
Other features will grow abnormal or
shrink mp from lack of use as a result
of our customs. For instance. the man
whose business is to get along crowd
cd street with the utmost speed will
have. finally, hard, sharp horn grow
ing on each elbow and pair Of spurs
growing out of each ankle. These will
enable him to climb over crowd and
get there early. Constant exposure to
these weapons on the part of the Pc
destrian will harden the walls of the
thorax and abdomen until the com ng
man will be an impervious man. The
citizen who avails himself of all mod.
ern methods of conveyance will ride
from his door on the horse-car to the
elevated station, where an elevator
will elevate HIM to the train, q revolv-
ing platform will swing h m on board,
or possibly the street car will be lifted
from the surface track to the elevated
track and the passenger will retain his
seat all the time. Then a man will
simply hang out red card, like an ex-
press card, at his door and q combina-
ton car will call for him. take him to
the nearest elevated station. elevate
him, car and all, to the track, take I'm
where he wants to go and call for him
at any hour of the night to bring him
home. He will do his exercising at
home, largely. taking art fetal sea
baths, jerking on q rowing machine or
playing on health lift till his eyes
hang out on his cheeks, and he need
not do any walking whatever. In that
way the coming man will be over-devcl-
oped above the legs and his lower
limbs will look like the desolate stems
of frozen geranium. Eccenticites of
limb will be handed over like badness
from father to son among the jewellers
in the cities. where every advantage in
the way of rapid transit is to DO had.
until metropolitan will be instantly
picked out by his able digestion and RI
dimenary legs, just as wo now detect
the gentleman rom the interior by his
wild endeavors to overtake an elevated
train.
In fact Mr. Edison has now perfect
ed, or announces that he is on the road
to the perfection of, machine which |
may be pardoned for calling storage
thInk-tank. This will enable brainy
man to sit at home and, with an electric
motor and perfected photograph, he
can think into tin dipper or funnel,
which will. by the aid of electricity and
a new style of foil, record and preserve
his ideas on sheet of soft metal, so
that when any one says to him, "A pen
ny for your thoughts, he can go to his
valse and give him piece of his mind
Thus the man who has such wild and
beautiful thoughts in the night and
never can hold on to them long enough
to turn on the gas and get his writing
materials can set this thing by the head
of his bed, and, when the poetic thought
comes to him in the Silly night. he can
think into hopper, and the genius of
Franklin and Edison together will en-
able him to fire t back at his friends in
the morning while they eat their pam
cakes and glucose syrup from Vermont
or he can mail the sheet of tn-foil to
absent friends, who may put it in their
Photographs and utilize it. In this
way the world may harness the gray
matter of its best men, and it will be
no uncommon thing to see q dozen
brainy men. tied up in row in the
back office of an intellectual syndicate,
dropping pregnant thoughts into a lit
tie electric coffee mill for couple of
hours day, after VIII CHI they put on
their coats. draw their pay and 60
home.
All this will reduce the quantity of
exercise, both mental and physical.
Two men with good brains could do
the thinking for sixty mill ons of
people and feel perfectly fresh and
rested the next day. Take four men,
we will say, two to do the day think ng
and two more to 90 on deck at night.
and see how much me the rest of the
world would have to 60 fish nc. See
how politics would become simpliiied
Convent ons, primaries, bargains and
sales, campaign bitterness and vituper-
ation-all may be wiped out. A pair
of polit cal thinkers could furnish one
hundred millions of people W tn logical
conclusions enough 10 last them
through the campa gu and put an I'M
biased opinion into a mans house for
less than he now pays for gas Just
before election you could go into your
private office, throw in large dose of
campaign whiskey, light campaign
cigar. fasten your button-hole to the
wall by an elastic band, so that there
would be gentle pull on it, and turn
the electricity on your mechanical
thought-supply. 1t would save time
and money, and the result would be
tho same that it is now. This would
only be the beginning. of course. and
after while every qualified voter who
did not feel like exerting himself so
much could give his name and proxy
to the Salaricd Thinker employed by
the National Think Resort and Supply
Works We talk great deal about
the union of Church and State, but
that is not so dangerous. after all, as
the mixture of politics and independ-
ent thought. VIII the coming voter
be an automatic, legless. hairless
mollusk with an abnormal ear con-
stantly glued to the tube of big tank
full of symmetrical ideas furnished by
a National Bureau of Brains in the en-
ploy of the party in powerfully Nye,
IN Ne,u York World.