Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1887-05-06
SPICE.

There goes the champion light-weiSh,
OF Harlem" THAT sos He doesn't loon
like fighter" He isn't; he's coal
dealer"
Why Is 1t dangerous TO be ont in
Spring! Because the grass has blades
the flowers pistils, the leaves shoot, the
bull rushes ont, and the cow slips in the
garden.
The Springfield Mass Union wants 10
know why Secretary Whitney doesn't in.
troduce the centerboard in the United
States navy. The English seems to be
more afraid of the centerboard than of
our big guns and torpedoes.
Nellie was invited to spend long dsv
with Cora. She came home within an
hour. why, Nellie! how do you come
back so soons" well, you see. Cora was
real mean, and-snd pretty soon my foot
went right ont at her, and they said /
might come home"
After Emperor William had been wis h.
ed many happy returns" of his birthday
by couple of hundred thousand of his
subjects, he went ont into the palacs
garden and planted a chestnut tree, which
shows that the Old man isn't wholly desti,
tute of humor.
Paps-"Well, girls, Lent is over. and
now what have you done for the good OF
the church during the season of pen.
ance!' Bess with a sudden attach of
bravery )-"Mollie hasn't done much ol
anything, but hm-er-rve p-promjs
ed to m-marry the new rector"
First saleswoman-"O all the arrogant
disagreeable people ever waited on that
woman is the worst. | wonder who she
Is" Second saleswoman- -"Why, that's
Mrs. Chipp. She used To tend at the
same counter with me before she was
married"
Professor Baird says fishes can live tc
be 100 years old. We don't doubt this in
the least. They are always the largest
fishes, too. That is the kind that ALWAYS
breaks away from the hooks at the very
last moment.
How near akin laughter is to tears was
shown when Rubens' with single stroke
of his brush, turned a laug ching child in 8
painting to one crying; and our mothers
without being great painters, have Otter
broug hit US in like manner, from Joy tC
grief by single stroke.
The more you puff cigar, the smaller
it becomes. And that is the case with
some men.
Il wonder what makes these buttons
burst off," Dora petulantly exclaimed
David looked at her tight dress. Force
of habit, think" he said softly.
Anxious grandmamma (watohful OF
widowed and coquettish daughter. in law
Johnny, go downstairs, and if Mr.. Brown
is with mamma tell her / want to speak
to her. Literal rendition by Johnny
Mamma, grandma says if Mr.. Brown ii
here you're to come right upstairs.
Among this seasons crop of jeu,
d'esprit is the following sprigbtly littl,
arecdote, which is said to be true, and il
certainly good enough to be: Edith,
said stern Senator to his daughter, "it
that young man, who pays you so mucf
attention lately, man, of brains?" NV,
not had an opportunsty to find out, papa,
replied Edith demurely. 'T've only me
him in society"
northern man says; 81 came dowr
to Florida to get little change and som,
rest Did you get it?" some one asked
mo. The walters got the little chang,
and the hotels got the rest"
In the Office of great mag azine
Edito: of humorous department (to edit
or-in chief Here is a joke dated 1908
Shall / put it in our next number?" Edi
tor-iR -chIef-"No; it is not advisable t,
spring thing too suddenly. Better holC
it a while"
He-Now that all danger is past, dar
ling, remove your veil and let me gaz,
again on that charming face. How NIGEL!
we outwitted the old man, didn't we? Sh,
removing veil)-Oi don't know. .abou
that, sir. Miss Helen's father locked heI
in the cellar about an hour agone, and
Oi iis KEN along ter kape yez from bein
disappointed.
Omaha Girl-"No, never visited il
ChicagO although have passed through
It," Chicago Girl-"Oh! you can't tel
anything about the city that way, yoI
know. You should meet and know the
people" "They are very refined, ] sup
poser" Mercy! we are not cannibals.'
"Cannibals?" "Why, no! We don't re
fine people; we refine lard"