Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-10-16
TELLING TALES.
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU GO TO SEE
YOUR GIRL"
Revelations Of Bliss Made BY Some Very Frank
Young Msn-A Subject to Strike
Responsive Chord in Every
Human Breast
Buffalo Express

young men. Most OF them are newspaper
men, though there are some journalists,
writer's and lot spectators in the ranks.
Semi occasionally the club has a sympo-
SUM, at which is discussed some topic of
purely masculine interest. At the last
meeting the Amiable Alligators were re-
quested by their cheerful crocodile (who is
the presiding officer of the club) to answer
the question. "What do you do when you
20 to see your girl ?" AS a sub-query was
put. "What is your ideal of female COM
panion ?" The most characteristic an
swers were reported for the Express.
A youth who reports dog fights in East
Buffalo, land dickers in Black Rock, and
society doings in Sunday paper, said:
"Oh, read and she listens to me. The
books are all standard, as novels are not
allowed in our course of reading. My ideal
of female companion is one who is ac-
complished in all the arts, especially in the
art OF housekeeping"
A member in whose nature the practical
and the poetical run in alternate streaks,
thus declared himself: 1T depends upon
what kind of girl ! go to see. Some of
them treat in one way, while others l
treat in another. The ideal of female COM
panion for me is so high that l shall never
see her. But then would be satisfied with
one who does really economic in dress and
household affairs"
An impulsive young man whose lady
love works in bookbindery, admitted:
''The girl 90 to see at present i sit on the
sofa with. We then try to see how close
we can get TO one another, and, rs my arm
is usually in the way in making the at
tempt TO become Siamese twins, Just put
it back of and around her waist. A jolly
girl answers my ideal of female COM
panion."
A modest man, who knew he was
neither handsome nor attractive, meekly
replied 81 do whatever the occasion de-
mands. Some evenings when | 20 to see
her there are other men around. Then /
try to do anything to make the evening en-
joyable. Other things come up frequently
that always give me something to do when
| call My ideal could be found in we'll
educated woman with a strong and noble
character. She need not be pretty, though
should prefer her to be-"
The class poet at recent college COM
mencement thus unburdened, himself:
"What do do when 90 TO see my girl?
you want to know. What gall Would
you have me raise the veil from sweetest
secrecy-unfold a tale of ethereal bliss,
warm embrace, loving welcome, blushing
face-a sudden tread when the hour was
late, hasty walk through posterh gate
Oh! memory, never failing of that sole
against tbe-railing. Would you have me
tell again that narrowing tale, yet new,
vet stale, of mother-in-law, and ice cream
joke, mixed in right proportion to choke
Or would you have me now, forsooth, tell
you simply the plain truth-truth unvar-
nished, white as pearl never went to see
girl ~
The only other one of this species now
in captivity has been secured by promi-
nent Eastern dime museum for next
season. Here is his confession: 81 can con-
tribute nothing TO the symposium, for the
reason that ! cherish no such institution as
female companion" Poor hoy! His ad-
dress will be given TO any young woman
of honorable intentions who applies for it
at this office
A newspaper writer said: 81 like women
of the world, but not literary females. |
would go block out Of my way at any
time rather than meet newspaper woman.
II had wife who would talk politics or
literature to me, I'd leave her. Ny girl
sings in variety show. When 20 to see
her she rehearses the new songs, and tells
me about her troubles with the managers,
H.
store where one can buy sweet caporals for
nine cents package"
Here are the rather lengthy revelations
of very practical member: when | 20
to see my girl, and 20 to her house at
least 1856 times in the year, the first thing
l do is to open the front door with my
latch-key. From the fact that / possess a
latch-key to my girls residence it will be
inferred that / stand in pretty solid with
said girl, in fact, that have the run of
the house. After obtaining admittauce to
the domicile by means Of the aforesaid
open sesame proceed to wipe my feet
upon the door mat. If there is no mat
there, why, no matter, but as a rule my
girl is very particular as to the Observance
OF this little bit Of etiquette. She also has
very pronounced opinions on the subject of
the hat-rack being the proper place to
hang up ones hat, and decidedly objects
to my depositing said article of head
gear on the parlor table. Some girls are
40 precise. Upon the average thought, a
girl who is not methodical and particular
in even such little things a. wiping feet
and hanging up hats, will be very apt to be
lax in other and more important duties
pertaining to the art of housekeeping Ny
ideal of what woman should be il per-
hsps a somewhat peculiar one. ! think
that q spice Of temper il necessary article
for woman to possess As spice in its
proper proportions is great improvement
to various edibles, and drinkables also, 90
dash Of spirit, call il temper IL you like,
certainly does not detract from woman's
character. But, aboveall, woman should
be good housekeeper and manager. That
is the sine qua non. The next deadrGRm
is, in my opinion, neatness and
taste in the matter OF dress.
Some girls always look nice
and ladylike, while the Others, though
more extensively arrayed, appear dovdies.
Cheerfulness and amisbility are traits Of
character without which any woman Is an
undesirable piece Of property, though, as
1 said before, girl who possesses no will
of her own Is also not worth having. As
one who has had considerable experience
on the subject Of girls before got my
present girl used to have a new one every
month, Of course for the express purpose Of
studying their different characters, and
not for the reason that used TO getthe
shake when they had known me for that
length of time( tender this valuable
opinion of what woman should be. As 70
whether my own girl comes up to the ideal
] will leave you to Judge. Come up and see
me some time and will idtroduce you to
her. My girl is my wife"
Chow do ! court giri?" said the snake
editor. looking up through his spectacles,
and brushing back the Satyric curl from
IL. L. L.