Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1887-01-14
THE HERMIT OF MISERY
GROVE.
Be PETER HIcKuAI.

BE PETER HcKuM.
I don't propose to make myself extra
ridiculous by calling myself hero.
frankly confess that such beings are COM
posed of different ingredients from my
humble self-such as seH-asserting impu-
dence with abundant audacity to face host
of angels. But claim to have some
excusable self-esteem. My solitary, wife
less existence in this secluded grove must
not be ascribed 10 poverty or nnisantrophy,
as own several nice farms, and would
gracieusly permit any niddle-aged lady to
superintend the said real estate and my
piano; but my solitary life is due to my
two besetting sins-haviug loved too many
girls, and having been TOO good.
! am myself too far advanced in life to
gain benefit from my sad experience, but
1T might be of value to those who are
not too old to learn.
My childhood shall be skipped, with the
laconic allusion that wasn't the worst boy
in my native village on the Rhine, as it was
generally conceded that daredevil
school mate of mine, surnamed the Bush
devil, filled the aworst-boy" position to dis
eusting perfection. Il was, however, no.
ticed by the argus-eyed beadle and other
watching old gentlemen. that even from
my greenest boyhood generally cast my
eyes toward the girls while in church, in
stead of eying the siiver-haired pastor. It
was also often Observed that whenever I
happened 10 render any fayors to any NOR
tails, the recipients were always unmarried
members of the fair eek.
When asked what intended 10 make of
myself, I always answered by looking at
the nearest girl handy. My father, who
was q physician of considerable fame, had
a burning desire to have me, his son Peter,
become doctor of medicine and surgery.
He sent me at the early age Of II to cele-
brated medical college, accompanied by his
warmest well-wishes and a bundle of rules
in regard to my behavior while away from
home. My arrival at the seat of learning
caused some head-shaking among the
skull-capped professors and considerable
giogling among the students. To remove
my bashfulness was ordered 10 occupy a
dark corner of the scheol-room-an to my
self-where was told TO study the anatomy
of grinning monkey. and to tell what
l knew about the bones when
the teacher came around after dinner.
studied my lesson with vim for about
three days. and excused my failure to
answer the teachers question by saying
that my eyes we're too weak to see the COM
plicated skeleton, and that desired more
light on the subject. The professor kindly
removed the monkey aud myself near a
large window facing the back yard. I
grarled with my lesson with renewed vigor,
counting the bones. and repeatedly meas
uring the monkey-framc with blue tape
Zine. My teacher was pleased with my
progress, and tapping me softly on the
shoulder remarked that would yet become
q greater doctor than even my beloved
father. But, alas! on the fifth forenoon was
disturbed in my anatomical studies by
rafting noise in the back yard. Casting
my eyes from my subject into tho back
yard, I espied q fair maiden pumping cis-
tern water with all her might. She looked
up and again looked down, until the fair
pUmper had filled the bucket and pumped
my heart clear into the back yard. NV
teacher was greatly astonished at my sud
den inability TO answer the simplest ques-
ticn. and thinking that my liver had be-
come aeranged, ordered me to swallow
large dose OF castor oil.
But the medicine helped my complaint
as little as would pint of crcton oil affect
the liver of wooden image. forgot to
peruse any more Che frights1l skeleton,
but my eyes constantly explored the con.
tents of that fatal back yard.
The fair pumper. my first love, was seen
by me no more. Ipined and became hac-
gard-looking; my teachers felt my pulse
and shipped me home without delay.
My father called my disease dyspepsia,
and ordered me to drink sour milk, eat bran
mush, and haul manure for my liver's sake.
l recovered from the fever in about two
months, and went to circus. / became
greatly Interested in the wax-fieures of
Cain who killed Abel, and in the eleven
good apostles.
But the curtain rose, when, 10 and be-
hold! there stood lassie with shining
golden hair. l loved her without the least
preliminaries. and couldn't sleep for many
nights on account of the charming circns.
girl.
A near neighbor of ours, who was
cky>lawyer BY trade, advised me to 90
with hizh on q big spree, and drown NV
troubles In q SEQ Of beer. We