The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1887-09-25
BITS OF FUN.

The Boston nine indeed here arr
the Puritan and MaYflower end Volun
teer-what do we want of any othel
six.-BostOn Herald.
The bursting of the wallpaper poo
will enable Us to disfgure our walls 81
per cent cheaper than heretofore.-Sa
Francisco Alta.
The outbreak in Havana will not dis
tufb the output of genuine Havans
cigars" as long as Connecticut is free
! from strikes.-Inter Ocean.
] We'll, Harry, writing for the press is
thankless sort O. work, amt it?"
BLESS your heart, no. Bout every
+ thing write is returned with thanks. ~
Epoch.
The subject of THE American Bar" is
attracting daily attention in the ea>tern
! press 1t receives conside. able atten-
ton here, but mostly closes at mid
night.-Cincinnati Enquirer.
Resolute old lady on the ferry-Y Young
man, l wish you'd throw away that
nastv cigar, it's making me sick.
WaVering young man, meekly com
pliant-Me, too.-Brooklyn Eagle.
little Tommy (who has never been
out of the city before)-Oh! OIL oh !
Kind Lady - What's the matter
Tommy? Little Tommy-Why, what a
big sky hey've got here, Miss.-Har-
per's Young People.
No wonder they say the Yankees ex-
aggerate. We know one who com
planned to his butcher that the last piece
of steak sent him was so tough that his
mother could not chew the graVey.-
Boston Globe.
"One boat and one boat makes two
boats" said a Duluth kindergarten
teacher as she pointed to the harbor.
And after thinking moment one of the
pupils asked. Don't one foghorn and
one foghorn make toot ?"-Er-
change.
My dear old friend, how were you
able to acquire such an immense for
tuner" by a very simply method"
"What method is that?" "When I was
poor l made out that 1 was rich, and
when | was rich ] ma out that / was
poor. "-Texas SutingS.
There is something inexpressibly sad
in connection with the dethronement of
Shakespeare by Ignatius Donnelly. d"
Who knows when few more gen
erations shall have passed away, but
Wendell Phillips will be the accepted
author of the Georgia Glenn bill?-De-
troit Tribune.
Law Professor What constitutes
burglary?
Student--There must be breaking.
Professor-Then if man enters your
door and takes S. from your vest pocket
in the hall, would that be burglary
Student Yes, sir, because that would
break me.
DO you know" said a dignifed
whisky? ?"
No" was the reply. 81 know lots of
fellers that gulp it down quick that way,
but somehow l could always get more
enjoyment out of it by Iettin' it go slow
unless it's clear pizen. Washington
Critic.
"Do you play baseball much, Mr..
Featherly ?' asked Bobby.
II never played game in my life,
Bobby"
"Then pa must be off his base" said
Bobby, who is well up in the game him
on bat pretty often. "-Harper'S
Weekly.
NOW, children" said the Sunday
school teacher, who had been impress
ing upon tine minds of her pupils the
terrors of future punishment, iii any of
you have anything on your minds, any
trouble that you would like to ask me
about, will gladly tell you all 1 can"
There was no response for some time.
At length q little fellow on the other
end of the bench raised his hand and
said:
Teacher, I've got question"
well, what is it?"
"Ef you was me. an had stubbed toe,
would you tie it up in rag with arnicer
on it, or would We ies' let it go?"-
Merchant IrdUeker.
Jack Blunt once loved girl whose hair
With terra Gotta might compare,
My heart beats but for you" he said,
No matter if your hair is red;
With me The color has no heft''
And he got left.
George Smoothly later came to WOO
Saying, with passion tender true.
II love you, and all that is you;
Those locks of dainty golden hsir,
The sunlight kissed and fingered there
I'd give my all for one wee curl -
He got the girl