The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1887-05-05
AN OBNOXIOUS BEAU.
Bill Nye Advises q Young Lady What to
do.
Boston, Feb. 27, 1887.

do.
BosroN, Feb. 81, 1887.
Mr.. NYE: I have enjoyed all your
writings in the Globe ever so much, and
noticing that you have given great
deal of advice free, 1 thought that pos.
sibly you would tell me the best method
of getting rid of an impertinent young
man, whose room is much preferable to
his company.
Hoping that do not intrude On your
valuable time. Yours truly,
You do not say why you wish to get
rid Of the young man, nor do you state
what is the matter with him; whether he
is poor conversationalist or too fluent
in that line; whether the first two joints
of his finger and thumb are yellow with
cigarette stains, or what his leading
characteristics are. Possibly he has fatty
degeneration of the thinker.
| B. ever, you say be is an impudent
young man, and I infer that you have
gone through the preliminaries Of gentle
scorn and such things as that. Now,
what shall we do to make him fully un.
derstand that you dc not want him to re.
main?
Perhaps you have such a thing as q
younger brother about the house. If 80,
bring him in and let him toy with the
young man a few hours. You can ex.
cuse yourself while you ostensibly put
on your other dress, and if you delay
long enough you can cause the young
man a great deal of intense suffering.
You can take the right kind of a younger
brother, with ;nAammatory hair and
| white eyes and warts on his thumbs and
season cracks in the back of his hands,
and if you properly "sick" the boy on
his prey and fasten the door securely
you can come back in an hour and do
anything you want to with that young
man. I know this to be true, for / have
been the young man myself.
I have also been the boy.
OTHER INDIGN1TIEs.
/ have known young man who infes.
ted house that way to be eradicated by
means of very sad music. They do not
die in the house.
Another plan would be to avoid laugh
ing at his funny anecdotes. Wait till he
gets through with his anecdote and LOOKS
up in your eyes for twinkle of merri.
ment. That is the time to refrain from
twinkling. Wait till he gets to the nub
of the joke, as it we're, and picks up his
ears to listen for a wild burst of silvery
laughter. That is the time to hang on
to your silvery laughter. 1t will give
him panied expression of countenance,
and you will see him soon after look at
his watch. When he completes his story,
suddenly wake up and ask him if that is
all. Few men can endure this for over
two weeks.
Of course there are other and more
radical methods of accomplishing the
result you wish, but these are the ones
more common in the best society. L
naturally supposed that you wanted the
methods used in the best society, or you
would have gone elsewhere instead OF
coming to me.
Should you finally wish to be more
severe, however, you can invite young
girl to be present during the young mans
stay. would suggest that this young
girl be a fluent talker on the subject of
clothes. If you both keep the talk going
pretty we'll while the young man looks
at the album or gszes with a fixed stare
through stereacope that hasn't any pic.
lures in it, you will soon have his
pachydermic pelt on the fence.
BARE POSSIBILITY.
But there is bare possibility that this
young man is in love with you, and
would think it humorous even if you
we're to fill him full of fine shot. In that
case I do not know what you ought to
do. Love is strong missive. 1t goes
where it is not sent and it refuses to go
where it is sent. ~
| If you could get him away by himself
it would bewell enough, perhaps, to asl;
him if he loves you. That's the way
would do. The quicker matter of that
kind is disposed of the better. Ask
him in manly way if such is the case
and if he really doss love you, and has
reason to- believe that you we're paying
attention to him all this time, you can
not in honor desert him now.
Do not be discouraged. Let me know
how you get on with the suggestions ]
have made above and / am confident we
will succeed.
Have you ever tried wearing a large
tall hat with a stuffed blue:jay in it to
the theatre and sitting in the seat just in
front of him? Try it if you have moi
done 80 already, and if you do not gel
rid of him, as we'll as great number Of
law abiding citizens, write me and l will
suggest something else.
Yours truly,
BILL NYE.