davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-01-19

A Cleveland church deacon who
had few thousand dollars to spare
was advised by friend to invest it in
oil. The deacon held of for awhile,
arguing that it was flying in the face
of the Lord to enter into speculation /;
but he finally put up 1900, and in a
few weeks came out winner by over a
thousand. "Well, / guess you have
changed your mind aboutspeculation,"
remarked the friend as he met him.
Eyes, somewhat" was the reply.
"Pve kinder come to believe that the
Lord has got me and Deacon Smith
mixed up: for Smith went into
wheat and dropped fifteen hundred
dollars in a month. wall Street
News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-01-19

"It's an i'll wind that blows no one
good" A Nebraska man was carried
forty miles by cyclone and dropped
in a widows front yard. He mar
ried the widow and returned home
worth about $4,000 more than when
he started. Boston Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-01-19

The organ grinders of New York
City have trades union of 882 men,
bers. Unlike some of the other labor
organizations.'the are in favor of
grinding monopoly."-Tid-Bits.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-01-19

"Lafette sined the desecration O. in
dependence" was a Lewiston school
boys test paper announced last week.
Lewiston Journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-01-19
MICHIGAN CENTRAL
4 IEo " wv W " VVEV0 1NOFEVO
Taking effect December 5th, 1886.

sDaily except Saturday. All other trains daily
except Sunday. Parlor cars on day trains; sleep
ing cars night trains.
ofices In Leavens Bros book store, 100 Center
avenue, and at depot, foot of Washington avenue.
j. WHITING,
W. A VAUGHAN, Ticket Agent.
Division superintendent.
o.w. RUGGLES, FL. WHITNEY,
g. p & f. A. A. q. z. & T. A.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-01-19

In Hamilton City a Baptist church
and a Chinese laundry stand side by
side. Cleanliness is next to Godli-
ness.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-01-19

A Philadelphia paper has just been
christened "The Sock" If the editor
of it is not careful he will find him
self darned by the public.-Albany
Argus. ...,t
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-01-19

The Bohemian Diet gives Germany
a great deal of distress. 1t it hard to
digest. Boston Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-01-19

Squiluib-"Dilby, how many books
are there in the Bible?"
Dilby-"Blest if know Find a
new one every time look into it,
Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-01-19
A Hot Encounter.

During the meeting of the Dakota
Press Association at Aberdeen, Col
onel Blood, of the Janus Gatling
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-01-19

Don't you think it little incon-
sistent in church member" said
Parson Jones, to wealthy parish
ioner, for you to go out riding on the
Sabbath ?" mo, indeed" replied
the parishioner; "that is my way of
saving 'soles,' you know."-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-01-19

"What is a hero?" asks an ex-
change. A hero is a man who can
pass crowd of boys engaged in max
ing snowballs without turning his
head to make sure that they have no
designs on him.-New Haven News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-01-19

"What a beautiful child What
an extremely handsome fellow !" says
the gushing visitor to the lady of the
house. "Yes, he is handsome boy,
l think" Oh, indeed he is. He is
the perfect image of his father-the
perfect image. Don't you think SO ?"
"Well, 1 don't know. / never saw his
father. We adopted him."-San
Francisco Chronicle.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-01-19
- -
Detroit, Bay City & AIpena R.R.
Time Table No. 8.
TRAINS aoIEo SOUTH. TRAINS ooIHo NORTH
Mail and Express. Mail and Express.

All trains run by the Ninetieth Meridian on Gem
tral Standard time.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-01-19

Lady, in angry and shrill voice
Conductor, why don't you stop the
car when tell you
Irascible Observation-Disclosures, the
lady wants to know why the d-v-l you
don't stop the car.
Lady, more angrily still didn't
say so sir.
Irascible bachelor--No, madam, but
that's what you meant.-Ex.
Thin party-"Just returned from
Florida, old man! Great country to
brace man up! Gained twenty-five
pounds in three weeksw
Stout party-"How'd you get there
by mail Puck.
Don't you admire Mr.. Johnson's
verscs?" asked one lady of another.
81 do think they are so cute and
witty. And then they are 90 full Of
spirit"
eyes," said the other lady's hus-
band before she could reply, "they
are. And there is a queer coinci-
dence in that. johnson usually is,
too. ."-Somerville journal.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-01-19

For everything TO use or eat,
Rice, Coffee, Nutmees, Tea and Meat,
Ailspiee and Candy. Starch and Soap,
New Pruncs and Currants. Seeds and Rope.
Knives, Forks and Spoons, Gunpowder. Hams,
Lines, Fish-hooks. Cartridges and Clans
Ink, Paper Pens. Lead-pcneils, States,
Nappies and Pitchers, Soups and Plates.
shotsuns and Muskets, Rifles fine,
Don't faiI to npd the Big Deer sign.
East, South and West their treasures bring,
Where all who buy rejoice and sing.
Each one who comes brings many more,
You'll hnd the throng at
DEWEY'S Store.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1887-08-18

morning that in order TO extract the
spoon from his stomach a very delicate
and yet severe surgical operation would
have to be performed that would beat.
tended by great danger. He bravely a.
greed to have the operation performed,
and accordingly during the early mora
ing hours of that day he was placed un
der the influence of an anasthotie and
the operation began. DIR. Walker skill
fully handled the knife and open d the
stomach a trifle below the naval, where,
toward the right side, embedded in the
intestines, was found first the handle of
the spoon, and, working the finger along
the growth, the bell part of the spoon
was reached, and the spoon removed in
act from the patient.
The intestines were placed carefully
back and the wound dressed and sewed
up, the patient during the operation Civ.
ing hardly any indication of pain.
During Sunday, after recovering from
the effects of the anssthetic administer
ed, he complained of pain and was quite
restless, but during yesterday seemed to
be recovering nicely, and last night when
the hospital was visited he was resting
easily.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1887-08-18
Stuck the Printer.
easily

Mluueopls journal.
Editor Helismuth, of the Montana Rip
shorter was in town last week, and spoke
very fayorably of the crops in his section
He was also retailing some very vigorous
stories of true Montana flavor.
snow, I've got eompositor in my
Office said the Colonel, putting his feet
on an armchair that a gentleman was
just starting across the hotel Office to get
and splitting successfully across his
neighbors shirt front at spitton, 'I've
got a blacksmith in my Office that can
set any manuscript on the green earth.
I'm not much Of writer myself, said the
Colonel deprecatingly, but we never have
to read proof after Twitchell, Twitchell's
his name you know.
"Well, this Spring there was smart
Aleck from Boston comes into the office
and l got to telling him about Twit-
chell
"M-m.' said he "But / have some
writing in my portfolio that would be
difficult for him to decipher."
Bring ont your damned old turkey
trail | said, and let's see it."
,And, gentlemen, if hope to get TO
heaven l couldn't read a word of it. /
looked around and he was doubled up
laughing.
Don't you see said he that is an en-
graviEg of one of farmers paintings of
the sun raising at Venicey"
"Venice or --! said / excitedly,
Twitchell can set it, SO wrote in the
corner, set this in minion, and sent her
out; and in half an hour there came in
the proof of neatly com posed editorial
on the tariff question. But Twitchell
sent in word that he couldn't make out
that stuff in the corner, where I'd writ
ten set in minion.'
And the Colonel spat reaectively
"Twitchell ont of type, no mistake, -
murmered a sad eyed man.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1887-08-18

in Connecticut where Mrs. Neal lives, and
the animal was placed in a, livery stable
and fed. Afterward he was taken ont
and hitched to q carriage, and the agree
ment was that no one was TO touch the
reins, but the horse was TO be alloped TO
go which ever way he pleased to sso if he
would go to the place from which he was
stolen year ago last April, A certain
stall in Mrs. Meals barn where he was
kept when stolen No 81 was also select.
ed, and if he went to the barn and into
the stall referred to that was to be the
final proof that he was Mrs. Meals horse.
large crowd OF people collected to
watch the test, as the news of il had been
widely deesminated. After the harness
was placed on the animal he was proper
ly hitched to the carriage, and the reins
hanging on the dashboard, with no one
in the vehicle, the poor, emaciated, home
sick and abused animal went straight to
the barn, the doors of which had been
left open, and entered stall No. with
neigh and a snort, and inside of him he
probably sung Home, Sweet Home"
This settled tho whole question of in
identification, and the Massachusetts, boy
went back home 20 his father with the
story. Now the people in the Counecti
cut town want McNamare, he detective.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1887-08-18
A Faithful Servant.
Boston Transcript


The following comes to the Listener
from Maine city, and it strikes HIM that,
for once, he may break, in its behalf, the
old rule never to call story good one
before it is told:
One evening not long ago, there was ar
rested a gentleman of position and Of
CHEEKY habits. The policeman said he
had found the Old gentleman on the
street very drunk. The com plant was
entered against him, but as he seemed to
be a5le to get about, he was released on
his recognizance and sent home in hack,
which he paid for with great alacrity.
When his case came up in court the only
witness summoned to prove his condition
were the policeman and the old family
servant of the accused faithful and de-
voted retainer.
The policeman had given his testimony,
which was unqualifedly to the fact of the
old gentleman's intoxicstion. Then the
old servant was called TO the stand. There
was mingled expression of Indignation
and determination on his countenance
He testified fatty, TO the surprise of the
courtroom, that the old man was sober
when he came home. The prosecuting
attorney proceeded TO question.
"You say that Mr. was sober when he
came homer
Eyes sir"
Odd he go to bed alone?"
mo sirn
"Did you put him to bed?"
eyes sir"
"And he was perfectly sober?'
Eyes sir"
"What did he say when you put him to
bedg"
"He said Good night"
Anything elsef"
"He said as how / was to call him early
Anything elseH"
eyes sir"
"What was it? Tell Us exactly what he
said, every word"
"He said as how l was TO wake and cal
him early, for he was to be Queen Of the
May"
The courtroom roared, And in spite
of the old servants very positive testi
mony the accused was convicted ant
fined.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1887-08-18
REMARKABLE OPERATION.
Removing a Spoon from the S omach Of a
Man

Removing a Spoon from the omach offs
Man.
A most remarkable and successful sur
gical operation was performed upon one
of the male patients of the Cincinnati
hospital, Sunday morning last. by DR.. Il.
W. Walker, who was assisted by Surgeon
John A. Murphy ana several of the in
ternes of the hospital corps.
On July 16 young man of medium
build who registered as Andrew j. Driver,
aged %, and residing at No. 81 Pierson
street for three months past, entered the
hospital. He was almost bent double
and walked with great difficulty, and in
answer to questions, stated that he was
suffering from most agonizing pains IN
the stomach.
About four years ago. While giving a
performance in one of the smaller towns
in the northern part of the state, he was
bantered by a number of spectators, who
thought the sword he swallowed was
worked by springs, and they dared him
to go through the same act with an or
binary case-knlfs. In this he was sue
cessful, and a number made up purse
and wagered him quite sum that he
could not swallow an ordinary teaspoon.
He accepted their challenge, and picked
up triple plated teaspoon of Rogers
manufacture, slowly placed it in his
mouth and swallowed it. He after that
continued the sword act feeling no i'll eff
fects from the spoon until about six
months ago, when, during one of his per
formances, he distintly felt the end
of the sword blade strike the en- d
of the spoon, aud for several days could
feel it gradually changing its course to-
ward his stomach Yet all this while he
had experienced no painful sensation
Some two weeks later, however, he was at
tackled with violent cramps and pains
beginning in his right side and afterwarc
changing the course of the suffering tc
the stomach, ia the immediate neighbor
hood of the naval. These attacks wert
only periodical at first, but became grad
ually more frequent, and finally he con
cluded to come to Cincinnati for treat
nent. Arriving here he had q mere fav
orable turn, and remained most OF th'
time about home until ON the date men
toned, when he was again attacked IN
more violent form than at any previou
time. He was closely questioned an
placed unGer a rigid examination, Blu
owing to the excessive hot weather ant
the delicacy with which his case woul!
necessarily have to be handled, the sur
geons thought it advisable TO defer tn
operation until the weather became NOR
| favorable. He was informed Sunda.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1887-08-18
THE FATnER OF FoRTY.oNE.
A Pennsylvania Hunchback's Family Of
Children.
Cor. n Y. Times

Cor n Y Times
~ read in The Times a few days ago.
said member of the Reading Bar, on
visit TO the CITY, ear account of man
in Western PENNSYLVANIA who died the
father OF thirty-three children, at the
age of ninety-six. When John Hefrner,
of Reading. was accidentally killed by
the cars in that city in 1885, at the age
of sixty nine, he was the father of forty
one children, and a step-child also called
him father, ieffner was one of Read
ing's characters, and was in full vigor of
health when he was killed. II is doubt
full if his record in the paternal line was
ever equaled. Hetfnsr was n dwGrfed
hhnchback He was born in Berlin in
1916, and came TO this country in 1913,
settling in Reading. Until his death he
made n living by collecting, and selling
rags and paper. His remarkable family
history is part of the records of the Berks
County Courts, il having been ELECTED
short time before his death while he was
witness in a lawsuit.
Gle was married first in 1910. In eight
years his vile bore him seventeen chill
dren. The first and second years of their
marriage she gave birth Co twins. For four
successive years afterward she gave birth
to triblets. In the seventh year she gave
birth TO one child, and died soon after
ward. OF the seventeen children she left,
consequently, the oldest was only seven
years of age Hefiner engaged young
woman to look after his large brood of
babies, and three months later she became
tho second Mrs. Hefner. She presented
her husband with two childreH the first
two years, Five year later she had added
ten more TO the family, two at every birth.
Then for three years she added but one
year. She died before another year came
around. OF the thirty-two children that
John Heifner had been presented with
| twelve had died. The twenty that were
left, however, did not appear to DO any
obstacle TO a young widow with one child
consenting to become the third wife of
the Jolly little humpback for he was
known as one of the happiest and most
genial men in Reading, although IL kept
him toiling like slave to keep his score
of mouths in bread. The third Mrs
! Heffner became the mother of nine chill
dren TO her husband in ten years, and ths
oontentment and happiness of the couple
was proverbial. Oae say in the fall OF
1885 the father OF the forty one children
was crossing the Reading track and was
run down by locomotive and instantly
killed. But for that sad ending of his
life, il is impossible to estimate what size
of the little peddlers family would event
ually have been. His widow and large
number of his children believe there
are twenty eight of the forty-two still
living live in Reading. They are all
thrifty and respectable people,
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1887-08-18
KNEW HIS OWN HOME.
How Horse in Southington Proyeo his iden,
titY
Poughkeepse Eagle

How a Horse in SOuthingt0n Pr0yeo his iden-
titY
Poughkeepsie Eagle.
About a year ago a young chap named
Fred Patterson, of East Fishkil, was ar
rested for stealing horse Of a Mrs. Neal
in Connecticut by man who said no was
detective from Massachusetts, and he
gave his name as Mcnamara. He told
wonderful stories OF how he had tracked
Patterson, etc, and Patterson was taken
into Massachusetts as a prisoner, Mr..
Chas Horton, of East Fishkl, believed
Patterson TO be innocent, and coming 20
Poughkeepsie gave his reasons for so be
lieying. Deputy Sheriff Downy looked
the matter over carefully, and also came
TO the conclusion that Patterson was in
nocent. Then with others he went to
work TO defend the prisoner and the re-
suit was he was declared innocent and
discharged. Now comes the sequel. The
real theft has been captured and has con
| fessed and Mrs. Meals horse was found
| few days ago in the town Of Webster,
! Mass. HIS tail had been cut of and ban.
ged. his name had also been cut of, ana
| he was emanciated and utterly broken
Town. The parties having the animal IN
| their possession would not give him up,
notwithstanding other parties who kne"
the animal before he was stolen fully
Identified him, and repiiveD SUIT folioW
ed AMI the horse was given up, paruer
| giving the. necessary bonds.
Thea came novel test a. TO the iurth
er identity OF the horse. The mans sor
in Webster, brought the horse TO = teEi
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1887-08-18
Small Fruit.

Es'e the market is favorable and the
fer is adapted to the business, is profit
/ on a small farm. The profit from
acre OF blackberries is oftimes great
|ihan the profit from forty acres of
fai and the expense of planting need
be great, In case a man lacks means
pay plants enough to set the acre at
+ be can procure a few plants and set
? ii well prepared ground, then mulch
r. Rld he will be surprised at the
/ oe' Of plants secured at small cost.
Eaberles, when once set, can remain
y yearsrthe only expense being cult
lon, covering for winter protection,
plcElng the berries. We're | TO un-
2ke the cultivation of blakcberries on
I land, and could procure marsh hay,
can begasse cheaply, | would try
'cang heavily between the rows. No
EAeF great or small, can afford 10 ne
raising an abundance of small fruit
auliy use. SO much of pleasure and
lgiYing food can be obtained from
al piece of land, with so little cost,
u is hot only bad economy, but sin
.o' farmer to deprive himself and
u! The luxury of an abundance OF
F fruit
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1887-08-18

it does not, there is always in well-fed
sheep a considerable increase in weight
of fleece, which is worth more per pound
than any kind of meat.
A young lamb will begin eating some
thing besides its mothers milk when ,
weeks old. 1t will pick a little bright
clover hay about as early as anything;
but after day or two it will eat oats,
which are probably the best grain to feed
to any young animal Oats abound in
flesh-forning food and their husks fur
nish bulk, so that the grain does not cloy
as more concentrated food does. The
grain does not need other grinding than
the sheep will give it, and on no account
should it be wet. 1t is impossible to in
duce sheep or lambs to eat moist food
clean, and the leavings in their feeding
trough soon sour and become offensive.
lamb well fed, but not overfed, from
birth will gain surprisingly; but if at any
time the animal is overfed, the digestion
will be weak ened, and recovery from the
injury will be slow. Most old sheep, thin
in flesh, suffer from Indigestion. 1t will
do chem no good 10 put them on rich
grain or meal at once. On the contrary,
this will induce feverish condition IN
the animal, which is indicated by shed
ding the wool from its belly. The fed
adapted to thin fleshed sheep should be
cooling and laxative, until the digestion
becomes stronger. Wheat bran mixed
with oats is excellent, and after this has
been tried q few days add a very little lin
seed meal, which is even richer than corn,
and unlike that does not tend to consti-
patton. Roots are excellent for sheep in
winter, and are especially important with
heavy grain feeding to keep the digestive
organs in full vigor.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1887-08-18
FARM NOTES.

tsrebmen on the Montana ranges are
1tpg Nd large quantities of hay, which
1 year Is very plentiful in the territory;
season having been very wet the grass
lvth is better than any year since 1877.
|ges which have been eaten bare for
8st wear or so are covered with grass,
H. universally waves to the wind over
Hon and upland. Cattle of all grades
l. gained rapidly in condition, and
kments will commence to eastern mar
i at an early date.
! h. San Francisco Bulletin relates this
t31. fact; A man dug a well 20 feet
q eucalyptus tree, lined it with &C.
and placed over it substantial COW
1 The water was carried TO the house
IA he well in a wooden pipe. In that
/ den pipe was q knot hole. In time the
! began to give out. The water, too,
! acquiring a strange taste. Explora
! developed the fact that the well had
b filed up with masses or eucalyptus
~. The tree had run a root straight
. the knot hole, % feet off, ard by that
tbod gained the well itself.
kou,hern farmers will hold a convention
b lanta Ga, on the 10th of August. 1t
5tuounced that ten states have respond
n the cell TO send delegates; Alabama
] Mississippi not yet heard from. 1t is
Sapated that the number of farmers in
tndance will reach five or six hundred.
discussion of political subjects will be
fnitted; entire attention will be given
agricultural topics designed to add to
y ways and means for the southern
ner to reach q greater prosperity.
state has been given its topic, and
writer's ard speakers will discuss
p thoroughly. This promises to be
most important agricultural meeting
BE- south since the war.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1887-08-18
,RM. HOME AND GARDEN
.--or GRANDMOTHER USED TO SIT.
nv yAaeukRIrE DE rLEuRy


,,,-b.er5 an cap, with dainty iIi i,,,
sn.,ss. - backed chair, n gher s'ni'
80 - but with uaJ7suc VIII
eA'. s,,,an8mother used TO SIT
IN corner by the hearth
Ieiicg on our noisy mirtD,
sS.iii-.'5 tld soil Of all the earlh-
al 5G.rsndmother used to SIT.
,-,,,,r,sd sDecs astride her nose,
Cos. l.,'' YER the children's clothes,
n. ,T1 no lite heels ana Toes
uA Grandmother used 70 SIT
psrchief crossed her breast.
snony ,re children loved to rest,
~ and petted and caresSed-
y ,t,6sra Grandmother used 10 SIT
~.u,,y tales Of girlhood DAYS,
b s herself on quaint Old ways.
~ 1o words OF censure or praise,
grandmother used TO SIT
.ring CLEAN 10 the dear old eyes,
80 81, stories -maxims wise.
4 rs of questions sweet replies,
CVhere Grandmother used TO sit.
g.,,5 and stately, and kind and good,
p.yfsrfest type Of grsndmotherhood,
~, c6oice morsels OF wisdom and food,
W Where grandmother used TO sit.
rs,4Iv Notwithstanding wrong
ali the timid and doubtful along
li1,r jnS sweet tuned old time song
Granamother used to sit
Tbsv we're glad when to heaven she came,
iinie angels shouted her name,
we her a chair and corner the same;
Vow no In heaven shr Its,
pndipg up little angels TO s.
Sa.thi6g their little angelic woes,
ookiug over their SUNDAY elothes'
Tp in heaven she sits.