The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1887-07-06
WIT AND HUMOR.

Life.
dashing young damsel from Me-,
WITH IA face uncornmoniy Pie,
Had such cute little Fl,
Ihat when seen on the ST.
houng "Cholly" was driven luse-
Twas Twas few hours ago down in Nc,
mat kissed dear angel named ye.
IL she whispered refre-,
Twas too low TO be pie.
30 did 50 age and age
Love in a cottage means simply alife-
long course Of plates for two and
daily bread for one.-Pttck.
Alta Vermont hotel: Guest-"Is there
\ bar connected with the house?"
| Nalter--''No, sir; this amt the season
for p'ar-P Puck.
\ poem called Farewell TO Nature"
has been written for LoHgmaH'S Maga-
siHe. The author is probably prepar-
ing to enter society.-Net0 Orleans
PIcayune.
There are very few brass bands in 8
military parade that can play as many
airs as the drum-major puts on.-Shoe
and Leather Reporter.
{ 1t was Desdemona who looked into
I Othellos face and repeated the inn
mortal words, Let me Kiss him for his
smother. - HhltohaU Times
Husbands who leave property to their
widows undor the odious conditions
that they do not marry again might
As well not die at all-SdR francisco
Alta.
Wife-''Dear, wish YOU would in
vlte young Prof. Y. some day | hear
he IS so dreadfully absent-minded;
z fNarlar1S h nil 81
German Paper.
y St Louis paper complains that
the streets of that city are not watered.
We consider that proof positive that
Jay Gould does not own the town
ItttSbtrg Chr0nicle.
The best way tn please man is to
tell him what he thinks of himself.
The best way To please a woman is to
| tell her what she thinks of herself
Journal Of Education.
What can be worse" said an ex-
aSperated husband in the middle of the
night, ''than teething baby? You
| are, John when You havo the tooth
| ache, responded his wife.
Journalists get more free advice than
any other class of people, and it is not
strange that newspapers have advice
left over which they can afford to give
away--Nc10 orleans PicayltHc.
One of New England's inquiring
philosophers wants to know whether
Adam smoked or not, Figuratively
| speaking, we believe he did, and that
Eve was the cause of Philadelphia
Press.
etherhedde-"That Skattawbwain
is a dweadful avs. He's such an
avs he makes my head ache every time
| see him, wondawing how the dayvil
he can be sach an avs as he is.-T0Wn
Topics.
He (at dinncr)-May l assist You to
| the cheese. Miss? Miss Vassar Gust
graduated) Thanks, mol | am very
| comfortable where | am. But you may
assist the cheese to me, if you will!
Puck.
Gourmets at a table d'hote: This
banana pudding is eNquisit. Ii tastes
Just like Strawberries. And this
strawberry short cake is superb. One
would think it was made of bananasi'
French Fun.
Sick husband-Did the doctor say
that | am To take all that medicinef
w llt IS bttI- tNlth tiuSiftiltl w HA.
there is enough in that bottle To kill
mule; Wife (anxiously)-Yo had
better be careful, John.
''Arrah, thin, Mrs. Divins. will yez
go to the circus with n select party this
day?" Faith, thin, Mrs. Moriarty,
minney thanks | eNpict little circus
of my own. This is the ould mans day
for gettin' dhruuk" k"'-Lye.
A police magistrate has refused to be-
lieve that a man can live next door to
a saloon and never enter it. Why.
men have been known to live next
door to a church and never enter it
Pbitddeiphid North american.
Prof. Baird says fishes eau live to be
$50 years old. We don't doubt this in
the least. They are always the largest
fishes. too. That is the kind that al
ways breaks away from the hook at
the very last moment - YORkcrS States
man.
As the act-drop fell Mrs. Galatine
fixed her eyes on it and studied it Curl
ously. You seem to be enjoying the
drop" remarked her husband. Il
am. ''Wcll, | think I'll enjoy one
myself" And he stole softly out
TId-BitS
An optimist is a woman with a new
spring suit. A pessimist is a woman
without a new spring suit. An optim-
ist is man with baby one day old.
A pessimist is a man with baby 1873
nights young, and tecthing.- SoDler-
Ullie Journal.
A letter has Just been disentombed
in Pompeii, Just where the district
-. L.
The boy is supposed to be still alive,
wandering along in the direction of the
house at which the letter was To be de-
livered. -Burdctte.
Editor-''This poem of yours is a
pretty good one, but doesn't seem To
| contain the elements of success.
Poet-"W hat would you suggest as an
Improvement" Editor-'I should
advise you to turn your attention TO
prose. e."-Harper's Bazar.
Il have a bit of good news for you.
John, said a fond young wife. 'Yes?"
remarked John, expectantly. "Yes.
You remember that two weeks ago
hot-house grapes were quoted at s. a
pound? Well, | bought some today
for $6"-NetO York Sun.
80, dear" exclaimed Cousin Jane.
my throat is 50 raw | can't sing any
more. Doesn't singing make your
| throat raw, Uncle Charles?" II think"
was the guarded reply, that it has a
tendency to make those raw who hear
me. "-BostoH Transcript.
Eugene St. Claire-"O. say. ma, |
guess its the chambermaid what hooks
| ther sugar" Fond mother-.'Wh
reason have you for thinking so?"
Eugene St. Clair-''N uflin, only heard
pa tell her that her lips tasted awful
sweet. San francisco Wasp.
Clara Can it be, Dolly, that you are
to marry Mr.. Smith, after saying to me
so repeatedly that you could not en-
dure him? Dolly-The truth is, Clara,
| dear. that until heard that his aunt
had died. leaving him fortune. / was
| deceived in my own feelings toward
| him.
A Philadelphia hotel clerk is trying
| to purchase the famous Orlolf diamond,
which weighs 1913 carats. The value
| Of it IS 800, 900, and he doesn't want
to give but 1899, 800. but some agree
ment will probably be reached before
the summer season opens--DetroI
Free Press
! II was a Boston woman who refused
to buy some sugar-cured hams the
other day on the ground that she never
bought anything that had been dis
eased. For You know" she said,
that even if it has been cured some
hidden germs of disease may still linger
in it. "-Net0 York Tribune.
NO. SIR he said emphatically. Il