The Portland daily press., 1887-07-08
Worth More.


An old fashioned chap, who keeps a little drug
store in Cleveland, had about two dezen bottles
Hoods Sarsaparilla on hand in April, and one
morning drummer, who had been posted by the
boys, entered the store and said
"See here. am man who goes straight to
business. I'll give you dollar and half boz
Gle for that sarsaparilia."
dollar and a half"
"Weil, say two dollars"
The old man turned white as death, lost his
voice for a minute. and then hoarsely wills.
pered:
''You can't have it. Wars broke out some
where, and Hoods Sarsaparllla is worth two and
a half"
Valera Wiener (Vassar) -But Auntie all the
researches of modern science convince us that
evolution Is the only theory to which we attach
Aunt-Well, my dear. II you won't disturb my
ancestors in the Garden Of Eden viii promise
not 10 feed peanuts to yours at the geological
gardens"
{ am Subject to Sudden Colds, fol-
lowed by hard coughs for which use WIsTAR's
BALsAM OF WILD CHERRY, and find it the best
remedy. We always have it in the house, and
would as soon be without -four as the baisam. A.
DUNKLEE, Postmaster, West Braitleboro', VT
tic toe?" You mean that they danced, don't yoap
Reporter-Yes, but
Editor-No butts about it. When people dance
they dance And by the piperl "The wee sma'
hours" Now what are the wee sma hours2
Repo;ter-Why, why thought everybody
Edltor-Well, you were mistaken. If people
dance till after midnight Just say so. Compost
tion costs out here, young man.
Ministers, Lawyers, Teachers, and others
whose occupation gives but little exercise should
use Carriers Little Nerve Pills for torpid Liver
and blousness. One is dose.
Down with Ennui.
Good mornin,' Mrs. o'Rahcrty. An how's all
Faith an they're all well except Mary Ann.
Mrs. Flaherty."
"FHith, an it's some koind av a Frinch disease
jt Is she has 'enooy' behaves it is she calls it, 1t
y e ar me as put ee Ma amd mus. DC
fiatuated lolke."
There are many forms OF nervous debility in
men, that yield to the use CT Carters Iron Pills.
Those who are troubled with nervous weakness,
Digit sweats &C., should try them.
"Mr. Doppenhemer want to introduce burg
lar alarm into your house, 1t will indicate at
which door or window"
81 don't want none Of dose tIngs. don't bod
,0nce you have tried them, Mr. Doppenliemer
-"
LOOK here, meester. II you wash got condrly-
ance what keeps my wife from goin' dru mine
pockets when wash ashleep, den talks nit you
a leedle bit.-Harpers Bazar
The great family medici re is Quaker Bitters
They stand, after twenty-four years usei in New
England unriValled for their great medicinal
worth. Many worthless preparations, advertised
as curing all diseases, have gone into oblivion, as
they Justly deserved, while Quaker Bltters never
were more popular with consumers than to-day.
They do cure Dyspepsia, Nausea and all Stom-
ach troubles. Try them and be cured.
Quaker Eye Lotion cures all infamed and weak
eyes.
Mamma" said young hopeful or Clinton av-
enue yesterday. "what is a gone sucker?"
"A gone sucker, my child responded the fond
mother, rather puzzled, "is a very bad boy"
That hight, when the clothing Of the little fell
low had been removed and he was engaged IN his
usual duplication to the Throne he sadI
"And oh, Lord, bless papa, mamma a d me, for
yOn know, Lord, FIN gohe sucker"