The Penn's Grove record., 1887-06-11
SOME FUNNY SAYINGS.
r,emnrks that efo Rather Dubious.

An alderman's wife, overtaken by q
heavy shower of rain, took refuge in a
shop, and proceeded to make a few pur-
ehases. "You seem very quiet to-day"
She said to a newly-engaged shopman,
who was very attentive and obliging.
You are generally so very busy"
"Oh, gracious, madam" was the reply,
'Just look at the weather. What res
pectable lady would venture ont of
coors on a day like this?'
Similarly ambiguous are some Of tie
speakers in the following incidents. a
pompous physician said TO a PATIENTS
wife: "Why did you delay sending for
me until he was out Of his mind?" 80,
DOCTOR" replied the wife, "while he
was in his right mind he wouldn't let
me send for you"
Another doctor said to his wife:
'You see, dear, l have pulled the pa
tent through after all; a very critical
ease, 1 can tell you" Eyes, dear
hubby, was the answer; 'fbut then you
are so clever in your profession. All, if
| had only known you five years e%arlierl
| feel certain my FIRST husband-my poor
Robcrt-would have been saved"
To turn from doctors to clergymen.
One Sunday, as a certain minister was
returning homeward, he was accosted
by an old woman, who said: so, sir,
well do l like the day that you preach"
The minister was aware that he was
not very popular, and he answered.:
"bfy good woman, l am glad to hear it.
There are too few like you. And why
do you like when l preach. 80, SIR"
she replied, "wllen you preach l always
get a good seat"
a crooked compliment was nee paid
a German young lady who said: "Herr
Lieutenant. if you don't at once cease
your batteries l shall have to hold both
my ears shut" 'NIy adorable fraulein,"
answered the officer, your pretty little
hands are far too small for that"
VERY sorry, sir, " said a young beauty
at a bail; l am already engaged. l hope
you are not very disappointed?" so,
dear no, miss; quite the contrary" was
the unexpected reply of the gentleman.
4 case of mistaken gallantry occurred
in italy. 80 Signorina," exclaimed a
dandy, eff it DO true that man descends
from the monkey, how beautiful that
monkey must have been from whom
you descended"
"And what do you think OF the en-
gagement-ring l sent you, Jennie?" in
quired a lover tenderly. Jennie an
swered in delighted tones. "Oh, 1t is
beautiful-in fact the handSomest n L
ever had given me-"
At a wedding breakfast, the groom
remarked to a little girl: "You have a
new brother now, you know" "Yeth,"
responded the little one; ina seth il
was Lottie's last chance, 50 she'd better
take it."
"Now tell me, Ethel, said a COVER
ness, "what letter comes after h :"
please, Miss Parker, l don't know"
"What have L got by the side of my
nose?" asked the goyerness. "a lot of
powder" was Miss Ethel's startling
reply.
Here, my dear husband" said a
loving wife, 81 have brought you a lit
tie silver pig for luck; its a charm you
know, dear, to bring happiness to a
"Ahl how kind of you, dar-
liHgl But why should l need a little
pig to bring me luck, when l have you
An awkward compliment recently
disturbed the harmony of a we'd
ding breakfast given by a substantial
farmer blessed with five daughters, the
eldest being the bride. A neighboring
young farmer, who was honored with
an invitation, thinking, no doubt, he
to say something smart and COM
plimentary upon the event, addressing
tho hridaornOm said. sENVpll Won have
got the pick of the batch!" The coun-
tenances of the four unmarried ones
may be imagined.