News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-12-22


know anyt ing.
Evylyn-Oh, yes, she does; she knows
she's pretty.-LJ6.
SNATCHED BALD-HEADED.
eff I were bald rs you," said Gus De
Smith to one of the most prominent citi-
zen of Austin, 'T would wear a wig"
Il don't see why you should ever
wear wig if you were bald" was the
quiet response. can empty barn
doesn't need any roof. ."-TG1ds Sittings.
CORN IN EGYPT.
Mr.. Hayseed Ito wife who has returned
from church)-What was the sermon
about
Mrs. Hayseed-Suthin' about Joseph
goin' doun to Egypt to buy corn.
Mr.. Hayseed-Did the dominic say
what corn was worth down there p
Truth.
SHE CAUGHT HIM.
| He-What will you have, dear. candy
or icecream?
She-No, Edward, get me some pop
corn, please
He-Do you like that stuff2
She-Yes; 1 like everything that
pops.-Harper'S Baz.r.
A LOVER.
| A Creston lover who addressed a love-
scented letter to the object of his af-
fections, asking the young lady to be-
come his partner through life, inscribed
on one corner of the envelope, "Sealed
proposal" The result was he was
awarded the contract Omaha Bee.
WOULDN'T GET LEFT
Husband-Why is it you can't make
bread like my mother, Mary?
Mary-Well, L fatter myself that
bread was rs light as any ever saw.
Husband-You call that light, do
you' Why, mother has to put fatirons
on her bread to keep the wind from
blowing it away.-Lo,ceN Citizen.
CHESTNUT BoUGHs.
"How bright the heavenly stars are
tonight, Mr.. Sampson -
"Ab, yes, Miss Smith; but they are
dim and lustreless compared with GER
tain earthly ones," he said, looking into
her eyes.
''And the wind" she went on, chow
soft and low, as it gently moves the
chestnut trees"
HE WOULD DO HIS PART.
George-''Blanche, think will get
married"
Blanche-"Yes, George, and does
your heart beat responsively to some
one's?"
"Well, no, not exactly, but can al
most support myself, and [ think it's
pretty mean girl that won't help little
bit. '-Ieras SJtings.
FOUND IT OUT.
Bangs had his portrait painted two or
three years ago, paying goodly price
for the work. The other day he met
the artist on the street, and asked him
how he was getting along.
''Splendidly, responded the knight of
the brush. 'Tm overrun with orders.
Come in and see my work. It's better
than ANYTHING ever did before. L am
Just finding out that didn't know how
to paint ut all when L did your pOr-
trait
SHE MARRIED HIM.
Said nm Hged matron TO mo oreat
'When my cousin William came home
from his three years cruise his old blue
cloth suit with brass buttons looked very
old-fashioned, and L said, Cousin Will
liam, you should buy yourself some
new clothes; you can afford it. But he
answered, 81 do not worry about my
clothes, Cousin Mary; I have brought
home four shot-ba8s full of gold pieces,
and the girls will marry me anyway
now" And to my ''Did any one marry
him '' she replied, while faint tinge
mantled her aged cheeks, eyes, [ mar
ried him.
AN ADNTRFR.
Mrs. Knickerbocker-W Where is your
husband to-day, Mrs. Van Slycur9
Mrs. Van Slycur-He went up the
Hudson to Nyack.
"He frequently goes up there, doesn't
he?"
very often. He is great lover of
nature. He goes to Nyack to admire
the beauty Of the place. 1t is SO ro-
mantle"
$50 I've heard; but do you know that
the beauty of the place is q young
widow?"
Mrs. Van Slycur faints.-Teras SJt-
ings.
SHE sILENCED HIM.
The following conversation, heard by
q reporter on the street last night, is
suggestive:
care you still tugging away at those
gloves of yours 2"
eyes, dear"
"You know it disgusts me to see you
walking through the streets making
your toilet"
''Does it, dear?"
"Why, do you know that 1 would just
as soon see you pulling on your-stock-
ings in the streets as your gloves z"
GHOST men would, was all she said,
aud he had nothing else to say. st.
Joseph Ne,1S.
SHE KNEW.
A little girl who has just entered
school yesterday jubilantly announced
to her father that she turned down all
the girls above her in the arithmetic
class and went ahead. "That was smart
in you," said he encouragingly. GLOW
was itl" "WeI, you see, Miss Maggie
asked the girl at the head how much
was and 5, and she didn't know and
said II; then the next girl said 8, and
the next one said IL, and the next one
said IA. Such silly answers! Then Miss
Maggie asked me, and I said Is, and
Miss Maggie told me to go ahead.
Course it was 49," ''That was NICE"
said the father 81 didn't think you
could add so well. How did you know
it was 49," "Why, I guessed it; no
body said Is. '-NashoiAe american.