Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1887-08-03
! DOG-DAY JOKES.
THE Observation-Disclosures.

Z y ,.-S% :
! THE oMIsINGsANATEUR. j i 4
:. He was an amateur yachtsman and
he looked around the store in a timid
way before he hesitatingly asked:
"Got any tacksp'
eyes, Sir, plenty of 'em. How
many papersp'' .. Il
.1guess I'll take paper of starboard
and paper of port. I'm going a-sail-
ing and Iwant to be provided with
both kinds"
KINDRED SOULS,
"'Young man." said the long-haired
passenger solemnly. lido you drink
whisky
"Well-er-I am sorry to say" con-
fessed the young man with blush of
shame, ''that I do occasionally drink q
little, SIR"
"Well. try swig at that" said the
long-haired passenger, passing over
a quart bottle.
AT THE AvIARY
Attendant is the toucan. Some
of the boys call it the plumber-bird.
Visitor-Indeed! Why so?
, Attendant look at the size of
its bill and you need not ask, -.
STRONGER TEAM THE BOY.
my DEAR" said Magruder's wife,
II see that the Prince of Wales calls
champagne the boy"
"Oh yes. That information's old"
"Strange hadn't heard of it before.
But it explains something to me:''
<'What is that, my dear?"
"Inow realize what you mean when
you say you are going to see a man."
PERFECT LADY.
A bright little fellow, the son of a
naval officer at Washington, came into
his room overheated from playing in
the sun. His mother said: "Why,
Harry, you are in dreadful perspira-
ton; your clothes are wringing wet"
'Well, mamma" said he, Il don't
care. My school-teacher's perfect
lady, and she sweats, too, just as much
as do"
HIS NARROW ESCAPE.
''Did I ever tell you, Dave" inquired
[, show near dear friend of mine
came to running away with an Irish
girl?!'
s'No," Dave answered. "Did you
have a friend about to run off with
one?"
"Yes."
swell, why didn't he, thenp"
80! another person fan away with
her"
'..But why didn't he elope 6rst?''
HE was unacquainted with her
then," I replied in an absent-minded
manner.
HIGHLY APPROPRIATE.
Jack-What is your dolls name
Lolette?
Lolette-Mrs. Potter.
Jack-But your doll can't act.
Lolette-No; that's why I named her
GONE WITH COMPANY.
Mrs. Brown-You told me that If
left my tablecloth out all night the
fruit stains would disappear. Well,
put it out last night.
Mrs. Jones-Of course the stains
were gone in the morning?
Mrs. Brownies; so was the table
cloth.-Harper's Bazaar.
Young wife-O, Mr., Jones, I'm SC
sorry Tom brought you home to dinner
to-day. If he had told me you were
coming I'd have had something nice,
and haven't thing in the house fl
to eat. Mr.. Jones-Now please DOM
say word about it, my dear madam.
You needn't worry yourself a particle
I take the most of my meals at home
myself.
A WALKING DELEGATE.
80 you've got a horse and buggy
have you?'- asked a friend of 6
prominent labor agitator.
eyes; since I've been appointed a
walking delegate haven't done any
thing but ride about the city,
LABOR-sAvING PURCHASE.
Wife-Now that You have bought .
cow who will milk itp .:..
Husband-O, he says the calf doe
that. So we'll have all the milk VI
want.
ACAsE FOR SYMPATHY.
Jack (after closely scrutinizing hi
crying baby brother)-Do babies 90 tx
heaven, mamma?
Mamma-Yes, dear, when they die
What makes you ask3
Jack-O, nothin'. I feel sorry fol-
the angels. Don't you, mammal
CoNJURMG IN THE FAMILY.
Tommy Bagley-''There was .
wizard at the show, NAV, and he die
the wonderfullest trick you ever saw
He took a silver dollar, moved it around
q little while and turned it into ,
rose."
Bagley-'That's nothing, Tommy
Your mother can turn $50 into bonnet
In a twinkling.'' +
Mrs. Bagley-'tAnd your father