The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1887-08-05

bow. "What MOVE" SAID lie.
"Don't you see?" said l..
"No, | don't" said he.
"Why, there's a man who wants to reg
ulate the traffic."
"Pshaw"' said the Fool-killcr, 81 don't
want HIM. He talks like a fool, but he
knows what he is driving at
''Thcn I think he is worse than the
%otler!' | said Indignantly.
"Look here said the %Fool-killer, "you
don't seem to understand the matter. I'm
no reformer; if / was, I'd kill him. I've
nothing to do with his morals; my bust
ness is the determination of defective in
tellects."
Just then we met two members of the
town board. "Fall in, both of you,' said
the Fool-killer. They both said they
guessed he had made a mistake. "You
voted to license grog shops, didn't you?"
eyes, sir" said the whisky member.
''The people of this country are governed
by the will of the majority. The majority
that elected me was in favor of giving
license, so | was obliged to vote for it."
"Thore it isr' said the Fool-killer.
CHILLING a public office without knowing
that in your case the law says may, and
not must. Besides, your instructions read
that you are to legislate for the protection
and happiness of the inhabitants of this
village. You haven't the sense to know
that women and children are inhabitants!
A lot Of beer guzzlers arc the only inhabi-
tants whose happiness you have legislated
for. Fall into linel Let's see, the tenn
perance vote elected you," said he to the
other; chow do you explain YOURSELF"
"Well you see, the saloons were selling
more than they ever did before, and they
were willing to pay seven hundred and
fifty dollars apiece"
81 believe" interrupted the Fool-killer,
"that you are tho premium fool of the lot,
Who took such pains to make you believe
the saloons were selling so much? The
whisky men themselves What made
rumsellers willing to pay such a sum for
AiNNiicNs - N'is3 "ho w WV
the silence that rcigned within those walls!
You have a nose, and never missed the
smell from those pen doors enough to
knock you down! What difference do you
see in the principle of the thing whether
the DEVILS work pays one dollar or a mil
lion? Come, l can't parley with YOU"
The horn footed, and on went the Fool
killer followed by the member of the Meth
perance member of the town board and
me.
AS we marched past the saloon and the
Fool-killer showed no sign of a halt, |
could not refrain from nudging him again.
He looked around at me severely. "Pro-
badly you think I don't understand my
business" said he. ga saloon keeper is
no fool. He is making money, and max
ing it easy"
81 think he is one" said /. "He can't
possibly escape the Day of Judgment"
81 haven't any thing to do with the fu-
ture,'' said the Fool-killer. "The saloon
keeper is my deputy, and kills more fools
than l do. There's a railroad man I've
got to look out for, though. lie can stand
so much it's going to take too long for
whiskey to kill him."
Presently we came across the small boy
who whistles and cat-calls at entertain
ments, and the two girls who whisper
straight through the exercises in temper
ance meetings. II don't want any better
sign of a fool than that" said our leader.
"Aha!" said /, 'I'm glad the Fool-killer
has got you!' The horn footed and on
marched the FooI-killer with the member
of the Methodist church, the president of
the town board, the temperance trustee,
the railroad man, the boy that whistles at
entertainments, the girls who whisper at
temperance meetings and me.
The next halt was in front of the village
newspaper office. The editor looked ont
of an upper window, his hair standing on
end. at isn't another libel suit, is it,"
he asked. The Fool-killer explained his
business. and the editors bristling locks
settled back into place. "All right
said he, ''obitnary notices free" The
Fool-killer intimated that he would like
the pleasure of the editors company at
once.
What for9'' asked the editor sharply.
''Well," said the Fool-killer, "Ive
heard you advance an idea about keeping
temperance out of politics."
eyes, sir; I believe in moral suasion,"
said the editor.
precisely" said the Fool-killer, $50
does everybody. But you advocate an
impossibility-that's why I've got to take
you. That question is in politics without
anybody's leave. Who shall make the
laws that control the liquor traffice If
temperance men don't whisky men will.
Whisky men are no fools. I seldom have
to kill one"
''There's plenty of good Republicans
that teach the same doctrine | do" said
the editor.
"They're no fools. they are locking af-
ter the whisky vote. Come along said
the Fool-killer.
ooh, l can't possibly get off," said the
editor. But the Fool-killer had a very
convincing way with him, and soon started
r. a. MN