St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1887-05-05
A TriAing Act That Made a Policeman
Mad at Man and Wheel
barrow.
The Success of n Garden Rake as n
Carpet Beaten When Properly
Managed.
A Warming to Housewives Who Love
Their Husbands to Lock Their
Bureau Drawers.

old stand. corner of Third and Oak sire cts,
To a quiet little nook entirely devoid OF
alleys and street cars down by Irving park.
Yonr mother got tired of living in the old
Mace. The sewer Gas got into her clothes
there. and when she went down town 10
buy stuff, she complained of the poilcemeh
giving her suspicious look, so taking II all
around. we thought we'd better SnlTt our
location.
We thought the matter over pretty thor
oughly and finally concluded that 1t would
be considerable cheaper If ! would borrow
a whee.bauow and cart our goods over my
self. hadn't been doing much heavy
work for several weeks, and as my muscles
were getting sort of SlimpSy. thought
twas good idea. felt very jocose as
arose last Tuesday morning and wheeled
the oil stove and your mothers white ash
wash board over to the new house. felt
iocose until along about noon, when began
to get weak in the gambrel joints and
wanted to squat down on every hydrant
that | came across. | kept up my spirits,
however until about o'clock in the after
noon. ! was just taking over the last load
There were lot of bed Stats and side
pieces 10 bedSteadS i'm the load, and they
stretched out pretty well over the sidewalk.
had tripued blithely along five or six
blocks when | sat down on the handles of
The wheelbarrow to rest. | noticed that the
women with baby carriages were going out
into the middle of the street TO get by me,
but il didn't strike me at first what the mat
Ter was. Pretty soon policeman came up,
and in bay voice said:
What er yer dom there?"
I'm er resting" said !.
"I'm arresting, too" said he. "Yer'd
better cum down ter Their cooler with me.
Didn't yer know that there WIS n ordI-
nance against drivin' drayS on Their side
WalkS?'
| told him | had been driving that dray
ON the sidewalk all day, and that no ordi-
nance nor anything that looked like one
had run against me- He made some re-
mark in a subteranean tone about fools not
all being dead yet, and told me to get out
into the middle of the street with my load,
and said if | nterfered with the street cars
he would pull me. | don't know just eX
actly what lie meant. but suppose he felt
jocoSe, too, and wanted to have little fun,
but was tired and didn't feel like fooling
so got out into the middle of the street
and got the last load down to the house
without any more trouble.
Wednesday morning | got up and had
your mother nail a piece of zinc across my
back to sort of brace me UP for the eXer-
ciseS OF the day. | was tritie less jocose
than | was the previous morning. My APP
petite was good and lily respiration about
two minutes faster than usual. but there
seemed to be a well-develOped ennld about
any muscles. However, / was full of am
bitiOn. ard proceeded to break the furni-
ture and several chunks of bric-a-brac with
~ Of nj, a col IGIt n faX
brief comments on q rolling pin from your
mother.
Al 1890 a. m, armed with long. drab
garden rake. | sailed forth in the back
yard 10 pound myself to death against four
yards and q quarter Of body Brussels carpet
that was palmed OFF on your unSuSpectng
mother two years ago at 50 yard with
the understanding that IL would stretch
great deal. think the man who sold it to
her made mistake in the piece of carpet,
for we never could make that four yards
and a quarter begin to cover the sitting
room floor.
At first | tossed myself gIeefully up
against that piece Of carpet, and found the
exercise very inYigorating. AS | entered
upon the third hour | was trihe groggy,
but catching my second wind jumped on
the carpet 50 enthusiastically that a man
fence and wanted to know why didn't Use
that piece of carpet for window garden,
there was so much dirt in it. He struck
the ground with a sort of a thud, but yelled
through crack in the fence, DON'T Or
get to shake we'll before using"
At the end of the fifth hour | was nhal-
ing dust at the rate Of about $50 inhales an
hour. My hat had blown off during the
excitement and had carelessly stamped it
into the earth; my HAIR was somewhat
dISheveled and my collar was jubantly
floating in the breeze. but | was satisfied
there was nothing left of the four yards and
quarter Of Brussels but one or two leaves
and part of the stem of a Never touched
Inc geranum that was painted on it.
/ don't want to Drag, but | have got the
impression that [ am the liveliest Garnet
beater that ever wore boots without socks:
nor | don't stop here either, | can beat any
thing from a restaurant to cat-rgged
yacht, and make bright red success of it.
Thursday morning | awOke and got your
mother TO take down the bed, so that
could roll out. After she had turned two or
three pals of water on NE and tossed a
couple of wooden chairs down on me,
managed to get up on my feet and clothe
myself. There was no evidence of jocoSe-
ness observable about me this morn
ing. ! was very tame and inOffensive,
but along about IL o'clock a. m. your
mother, with peculiar look in her eye that
i could not resist, asked me if | would trip
down to the foot of the front stairs and
bring up her bureau. She said she had
packed the stove covers and things in the
drawers and wanted to use them tripped
half way down when [ managed to catch
myself. The bureau was pretty heavy. but
I've got record for carrying bureaus, and
picking it up started upstairs. | had
sprung lightly up five steps when | discoy-
cred that in the excitement your venerable
mother had forgotten to lock the drawers.
The top drawer came out and the corner
chafed hole in my pumpadour; the second
drawer slid out and drove nv nose about
two inches into my face; the third drawer.
which was filled with the stove legs. etc.
scraped up against nv stomach and threat
ened to wear hole clean through me. |
yelled Tor your mother to come. She
came to the head of the stairs
and noticing my embarrassment said turn
1t around you fool" and wandered aim.
lessly back into the pot pourri of dry goods
boxes broken chairs lame tables and other
matrimonial excerpts. l stood it as long as
could when with despalrimg cry. |
rolled down to the bottom Of the stairs in
more or less proximity to the bureau, which
managed to light on top of me.
The family living down stairs summoned a
couple OF policemen, and Dlucked me from
the ruins. They took me up stairs and
gently laid me Oh the. table where your
mother had been kneading bread, until she
could get up the bedstead and get it ready
to put me into.
Friday | gave up to reflection. and dis
posed of Saturday in the same unobtrusiye
way. The doctor says l will probably be