Morning journal and courier., 1887-04-07
FLIGHTY,

| Grocer-Ies, madam, can swear to yor that is fresh, this years maple sugar. Gus tomer-But how came these fyspecks on it Grocer-We get flies quite early here, mad am. They come in dried entrants, | lington Free Press.
 Little Dot-Mamma, Dick is kissing me
 Mammal am glad he likes you so we'll dear. Dot-But it isn't right. Mamma Oh, it doesn't matter, pet What makes you think it isn't right? Dot-'Cause nurse told pa so.-Chicago Ledger.
 ''On next Sunday" said Father Mcguire B will be held in this church. I shall preach funeral sermon on the occasion, and the man himself will be here-the first time in twenty years. ."-Exchange. s'My son. said the old man. s'do you re. member what Polonius said in his parting advice to Laveries-'neither a borrower o1 lendsr bea" "Yes, father," replied the young man thoughtfully, 1T think Polonius was just about half right. ."-Sun.
 Glass in American history. Teacher-Why did the North and South engage in civil war? Johnny Smartboy-So that the gen. erals could write magazine war papers about it. Teacher-Right. Go to the head and stay there for the rest of the term.-Boston Post.
 A crowded horse car. Enter Mrs. Mu1cahey with jug MT. Mahoney, who is seated, facetiously-Wud I hould the whiskey fur yez, Mistress Mulcahey2 Mrs. M. (with whitening sarcasm-Thank yez kindly, sor; but ye have all ye can hould now, I'm thinkin'
 At the Police Station. to Tramp-"You were begging from house to house, and yet I find thirty five cents in small change in your pocket" Tramp t'Well, yer didn't expect me to have thirty five cents in twenty-five dollar gold pieces, did yon"-Texas Siftings.
 Mrs. James Brown Potter, according to re- ports, is going upon the stage in order to elevate it. That's all right. But it is hoped that she will not elevate it so high that those who occupy the front seats will have to bend their heads far enough to sprain their wind pipes in order to see the eactors.-Norristown Herald.
 There was Bon Voyage about him.-Mrs. Shoddy-''Really, Angeline, I cannot see what you find objectionable in MT. Rocks He is very rich, and perfect gentleman. He has an inimitable air of bon soir." Angeline -"0h, no, mamma, he has none of that ter. He never leaves Life.
 "Well, how has trade been this last win tera" he asked of a merchant in Wisconsin village. Flair, sir, very fair" "'Then the dull times have not affected you?" s'Not a bit. One of my clerks stole thirty yards of silk and paid me $I, 800 to settle, and anoth- CT gobbled $130 in cash and turned over a house and lot worth $3000 to keep out of court. The times are all right, sir, perfect ly right. Wall Street News
 Bunco steerer-"Why,m my old friend Baker. How do you do? am glad to see you." Stranger-''My name isn't Baker," Btfnco steerer-"What! Amt you Quincy Baker of Pleasantview?" Stranger-sNo, sir; my name is Van Alsteinebergamont and I live in Tittabawasee, Mich. Pretty name, isn't its" Bunco steerer-''Yes, sir. Beg pardon, you some time to spell it out with the deaf and dumb alphabet to that other rascal across the street, don't it? You needn't keep your hand behind your back any lon ger. I'm on to this game. Try some other one on me next time. Good day. ."-Boston Globe
 A whist club in Portland Ore, came to an untimely end a few nights ago. A MT. Brooks had for partner the hostess, who is fair average player. During the seventh game-games were even and MT. Brooks and his partner had five tricks to their oppo nents six-when only two trumps were left, it was Mir. Brooks partners lead. She fambled nervously, undecided what to play. Evidently she held the commanding trump and was undecided whether if she led trumps she would not find the thirteenth in her partners hand, or it would not be better to lead the odd suit card, trusting to her partners holding the thirteenth trump to save the trick. It was knotty problem, and Mir. Brooks mentally forgave her for fumbIing several seconds. But suddenly the lady laid both cards flat on the table, face up, and inquired of the lady on her right: Maggie, where did you get those eggs you put under the speckled hens" Mr. Brooks gasped, gulped and went silently out into the night. He has registered vow never again to play whist with women.-San Fran cisco Argonaut.