The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1887-04-26
The Great Conundrum.

" Well, old man, how goes the Conunarum
these days?"
She don't 90 at all, my boy. Some think
she will never go. If you could only see the
buildings they are crowding on her deck you
would probably think as l do, that if ever she
does go she will go under. Suppose we stroll
down to the Esplanade and note what is
going on in the navy line
:" All right, old man. Lead the way
few minutes walk brought the friends in
full view of the bark Kalakaua.
"Now, my boy" remarked the old man,
"before going further suppose we take in the
situation of this venerable craft. Please no.
tice the ropes she has attached to thosefou
guns. Do you know what that is for?''
Why, she is moored to them, of course"
replied the young man.
Don't be deceived by anything so gauzy,
my boy. The fact is, they contemplate ex-
tracing those four guns at ons pull. The
Government is after guns, you know. Guns
81. they must have for the Conundrum. They
find it more convenient TO take the Esplanade
battery than bother with Punchbowl or Post
Office guns. They could not muster sufficient
force to move the former, while the latter are
deemed more effective in their present loca-.
ton as constant reminders of the Importance
of maintaining quiet and orderly department
In and about the Postotfice, and -
90 Excuse the interruption, old man. Do
YOU see that enormous turtle?"
Young man, that is no turtle"
:" Well, then, it's an omelette.'
Wrong again, young man."
"What is 1T?
"Ah, now you have it. 1t is the What is
at or Conundrum."
" You don't mean it, old man. How
changed in three short weeks"
Hush, my boy, here comes Captain Jack.
If you have no objections 1 will introduce
you"
Captain Jack, how are you, and how are
all the little Jacks?"
Right smart, my aged friend, and am
glad to see you. On your way to visit the
Conundrum?"
"Why, yes that is what we had in mind,
Captain Jack, permit me to introduce my
young friend, Job Dinimite."
Glad to know you, sir. Fine weather for
ducks
"very fne,'' replied Job, as he cast
glance at the omelette.
Now, gentlemen, please come aboard, and
have look at the Grand Dukes last ven
ture. Look out, old man don't step on the
chalk marks, as they indicate rotton timber
and see here, Job Dinimite, don't fall
through that hole in the deck. We hope to
get it fixed In a day or two The fact is,
gentlemen, we have our work done by the
day, rather than risk being cheated by IN
principled contractors. Its slow way of
doing things, / know, but then we save
money by it. For instance Those lovely
twin cottages, forward, cost us only $1,000.
Beastly contractors would have made them
cost the natlon a round $4,000, and then
swear they never got but half their pay,
while no power on earth could induce them
to tell who got the other half. Hawaii is
Justly proud of her gothic naval archi-
lecture, as developed in these cottages, with
their beautiful arched doorways, Lutheran
windows, cupola, and mortgage attachments.
Indeed, they seem 10 be universally adj
mired
sCoptaiD Won hova a fine hlocl, .unidchipc
for business purposes remarked job.
Yes-ah-yes-only | beg to state the
cottages occupy the business end of this ship"
Beg your pardon, Captain, yet insist it's
a fine building, all the same"
Yes, it is fine. Doric, you know, plain,
but substantial Pa planned that job.
We think he had in contemplation trip to
sCalifornia-perhaps visit to Bridal Veil -
q | say, Captain interrupted the old man,
80 would you be so kind as TO inform US what
that orange-colored convex covering is in
tended to represent! Job and don't seem
to agree on it. We first thought it repre-
scented a turtle. Job, however, swears it
looks more like duck-egg omelette.''
Turtie-omelette, you innocent land-lub-
bers," replied the Captain :" why, that Is the
finest specimen of Moorish architecture |
ever saw, and may say, the only specimen
of the order in the Kingdom. Imagine what
magnificent spectacle the noble ship will
present as she slowly steams out of the bay.
.(Here the Captain became eloquentl. That
imposing Moorish dome, with its spires and
finals of lemon colored masts, will make a
picture of Oriental grandeur seldom wit
messed, even among the Turks and Persians.
Again, let me picture the noble ships entry
into some lagoon down among the heather.
What will the blasted sayages think when
they see her head on9 Why. gentlemen, her
Gothic cottages will loom up like the towers
of Kaumakapili Church. Imagine her Grand
Commander, in undress uniform, standing in
the doorway of cottage No. l. with drawn
sword, receiving his kingly brothers. See
the abject savages climbing the ships sides
and prostrating themselves for the marines
to ground arms on. Behold the Respondent
Rear Admiral at his post over the rudder re-
ceiving cocoanuts, yarns, coral and clam
shells, gifts of untold value in heather minds
all, all for the glory of Hawaii"
Here Captain Jack paused to regain hi
breath, and thinking it was dry work talking
invited rs to lunch, an invitation we at once
closed with.