The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-06-23
WIT AND HUMOR.


get up Peoria (IH.) Can.
If all the women of the world are
angels, it stands to reason that Mother
Noah must have been an ark-angel.-
Peoria III. Call.
Some years ago it was the style for
people to dress up; of late we notice
that fashionable ladies are inclined
to dress down--LJe.
The best way to encourage tramp
is to show him pile of cordwood and
other little lake" of kindness.-Hdrt-
ford Sunday Journal
Did you ever notice that party with
low shoes and gayly colored socks
usually persists in sitting cross-legged?
Hartford Sunday Journal.
Old lady Ito wicked little boys who
are playing marbles Sunday)-Little
boys, what are you playing marbles
Sunday for? Little boys-We're play
ing for ''keeps. Life.
Say. Titmarsh, it's about time you
changed that shirt" 80, I'm boycott
ting my washerwoman." What for?"
why, she struck for 80 cents dozen,
so I'm boycotting her."-New YORK
Sun.
Young man, it is very convenient to
be rich but twice as easy to be poor.
| If YOU don't find it SO, keep dog and
a canary bird, and if that doesn't do
the business to your entire satisfaction,
get married young and fight it out Oh
that ine.-HarJord Journal.
s.Do YOU think" she said dreamily, as
| he sat beside her at the circus, THAT this
is the same elephant l saw when l was
a child?" NO" he answered with
scornful candor; ''you know elephants
only live to be 200 years old" Itwon't
be this year.-Detrott Free Press.
| Cultivate the habit of listening to
others, it will make you an invaluable.
member of society, to say nothing of
the advantage it will be to you when
YOU marry. Every man likes to talk
about himself. A good listener makes
delightful wife.-Dorcas Magazine.
"And don't you know why, Bobby?'
said the minister, who was dining with
the family, your mamma doesn't want
you to eat second piece of pie?" Eyes,
sir" replied Bobby. "She said if you
didn't take any there would be enough
left over for tomorrow. "-NesO York
San.
Gen. Sheridan, it is said, carries his
wife's pocket-handkerchief when out
shopping with her. If Mrs. Sheridan,
in exchange for this piece of gallantry,
carries her husbands pocketbook when
she goes out shopping with him she has
rather the best of the bargain.
ristOCn Herald.
| Driver out of work on a strike Ito
| walking delegate whom he meets riding
in a carriage)- How is this? What
are you doing riding in the city? Walk
ing delegate (soothingly)-O, that's
all right, You see our board last night
ordered boycott on the shoemakers
-NeaO York Mail.
religious weekly, Well, well! If our
what the church is for we think it is
about time for revival of religion in
its town. The church is to save the
ministers the expense of hiring hall
Laurence Citizen.
Pretty soon the clerk who has to be
| excused of an afternoon because he is
too i'll to sit at his desk at work will be
found sitting for three hours in the
sun on the hard side of an unplaned
board seat, shouting like a mailman
when his favorite ball team is getting
whipped.-BoSt0n Post.
Wigwug-''That fellow with the long
hair? o, he's poet" Filtrip-''His
is striking figure--undoubtedly a
man fired by high ambitionsw Wig
wug-...Ah? Well, | live in his
neighborhood, and l happen to know
that he has also been fired by his land
ladyr--Detr0it Free Press.
Wife CATER breakfast should
use your toothbrush, dear, before 60
ing downtown. l can detect traces of
the shad roe we had at breakfast.
Husband Ca bank cashier)-Is that SOP
Where is the brush? With shad at IS
cents apiece, it wouldn't do for the
directors to discover anything.-NeW
70 rk Sun.
They were playing quiet game of
euchre in the smoker and did not
notice the conductor as he came
through. Tickets" said he. Just
at that juncture one of the PLAYERS
don't" said the conductor, impatient
|
merce bill. y Washington Critic.
At the theatre. She ION her hus-
bands return from the open air.
Harry, did you notice this important
statement on the program? Please
look at" He-.'Two months elapse
between Acts II. and Ill Well what
of that?' Shea good deal, should
think. You've been off on a spree for
about six weeks!'-Nea0 HaUen News.
Ills another way of the foolish fair,
to die for the one who does not care"
MARBLES Ella Wheeler Wilcox. Yes,
Ella, and its often the same way with
the big brothers of the foolish fair
Week after week they 90 down to the
barber shop and dye for one who
does not care"-or rather the barber
dyes for them, for fifty cents
Peoria (IuJ Call.
The girls at the Hygeia make a dead
set for the army men from the fort.
''Whom have you asked to the german
tonight" was inquire of Lieutenant
the other day. Il haven't asked any
one" why, what does that meanp
aren't you going?" 80, yes; but we
don't do business that way here. Just
wait little and plenty of the pretty
girls will ask me. "-ToUp Topics.
Bank President-Sorry, but l can't
accommodate you; your paper is not
good. Indignant customer-I remem-
Der when you were poor man, twenty
years ago, lent you a thousand dol
lars without security. Bank President
(pleasantly)-I remember the circum-
stance, and l also remember how l
wondered at your greenness. You
probably have more sense now, and so
have l. Good morning Philadelphia
| Call.