Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1887-11-05
LEONE LOCAL CHAT.

There is nothing like vigorous at.
tack Of rheumatism to develop uneas.
mess of mind and temper; Josh Bill
lings only possesses that peculiar style
of description that can do justice to
the rheumatism, and to my feelings
toward that lnsidious disease.
/ wouldn't mind being sick like the
editor of the Statesman was. There is
some consolation in having the neigh
bors coddle you up and send you in
choice fragments from the commissary
department; but hadn't that happi-
ness. 1t was " only rheumatism"
and 1 had to hustle along without
pampering. Odd, that the nearer
people come to dying, the more inter-
est others take in them. This is one
of the unwritten rules that ought to
work the other way. Did you ever
notice that a lot of professional funeral
goers live in this town. They take a
live interest in funerals, regardless OF
sex, age or class, and derive great
deal of happiness from them. They
are well-known to you. You have
often heard their satisfied comments
upon the event: 1.-THE corpse looked
lovely;" "the coffin was grand )" and
the mourners" pass under such crit
icism as: "she never shed tear" or
"didn't he take it hard )" and they
sit back in the carriages, looking COM
placently out at their neighbors as
they pass en- route to Green Hill. In
deed, I've head some undertakes re-
mark that there were people who
"made habit of attending funerals
in order to get ride" That's what
comes of not having street cars.
These same sort of people may be
your merest chance acquaintance all
your life, and never have been inside
your doors, hut if ever they happen
to hear you are so sick that you don't
want to talk to anybody, they are inn
mediately seized with desire to see
you, and are quite conscience stricken
that they hadn't thought before of
how much you might have wanted to
see them. They are very good people
but they have no sense of the etern al
fitness of things. There is no more
harmony in some of the things of this
world, than there is in Maryland poll.
tics.
I've missed all the concerts, fairs
and speeches. consequently havn'tany
news; and 1 can't even fill in with
patent matter, as the editor does when
he is lazy.
l wrote poem on Autumn Leaves,
aud read it to party who thinks he
is smart for criticism. He said it
ought to be fred, same as the autumn
leaves whose smoky incense now
arise on Maple Avenue, and he left.
He said such poetry as that was
enough to make anybody leace. That
is why you don't see it printed here.
What THE HERALD wants now is
some scribes from out of town. The
late lamented EDMUND and w. have,
presumably, gone into some better
paying business. They want the
earth, and the fullness thereof. / seen
a topper the other day !; he had 1.-THE
fullness thereof"
~
"The Boy Tramp" is the mislead-
ing name of fine play. Madame
Melville is an excellent tragedian,
and she is supported this season by an
unusually good company.
1.-THE Boy Tramp" and his mother
are favorites here, and the Central
Opera House was filed on Wednesday
night. ~
Mrs. VIM. Keyser has gone to Roam
Oke to visit her daughter, Mrs. James
Prendergast.
~
There are more tramp kittens on the
street than enough. l suppose the
crop never fails, but from the number
of wailing orphans that have sought
shelter on my doorstep, judge the
fall supply is largely in excess of the
demand, or else some one labors under
the delusion that I've a regularly es-
tablished orphan asylum for wee
felines. I've taken in my share
Drown them, my friends. I've never
committed that sort of murder my
self, but people who suffer from the
CATS nightly serenades, say it is per-
fectly justifiable. But you cannot de-
pend on man committing this sort
of crime. Man is naturally contrary.
l know one who said he'd be hanged
if he'd drown the kittens. But one
morning he dug hole way down in
the ash barrel and buried them alive.
When night come he thought he'd
dig them out and throw the corpses
away. When they got through sneez-
ing the ashes out of their noses, he
concluded he didn't know any more
about cats than the law allowed, and
he was lawyer, too. LEONE.
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Price only 25 cents package.
For cholic, dysentery, teethiug, and
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