Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1887-02-11
ORR KALEIDOSCOPE.

There are only two professional prize
fighters in Italy, and both of them have
kept very still since John l.. Sullivan be
gan to poke around the world Il little,
The latest popular song is entitled "The
Tomcat Must not Yowl Tonight" 1t
will be sent postpaid for 50, or with seven
chambers and self-cocking action for
$3.50.
Mr. Edison is going South for his health
and has had laboratory fitted up for eX-
periments at his place in Florida. This
will make the doctors howl. The only
reason they sent him South was to get
him away from his labratory.
A contemporary says that Pennsyl
vania man has a pair of antlers measur-
ing five feet between the tips. The ed-
tor must have been in condition to be
ceived bp the mans moustache.
Due West is the name of a town in
South Carolina. 1t has II doctors, and
that S where the due comes in.
Conundrum for debating club; If it
takes three months for Congress to pass
an interstate commerce bill, and Presi-
dent Cleveland should veto it in two min
utes, how many bones are there in
shad
Emerson says, LAS long as | am in my
placed am safe" That's what they tell
man when he first sits down on toboG-
gan.
Miss Van Zandt is not going on the
stage. She prefers travelling by water.
A drunken tramp in Massachusetts lay
| l. 4 L L
drunk and was bitten in 442 different
places by rats before he sobered up sufii-
GENTLY to know what was going on. 1t is
worth noting that none of the rats took a
second bite.
Why doesn't somebody invent a temper
that will not sour?
Cats are called for by Southern fur
company. Application should be made to
the New York sun office.
A writer thinks that farmers are always
good neghbors and friendly. True, too
true. A couple of farmers in Douglas
county, H., have spent 800 in the courts
in trying to settle the ownership of hog
worth 81.
Henry Ward Beecher says, winter Is the
cheeriest season of the year 1t is, in Flori-
da, and some other places wewot of.
1t is reported in the memorial diploma
tique that cousin Ben" Folsom has re-
signed his office as consul at Sheffield
Poor Cousin Ben He has been over
worked.
The miser enjoys, traditionally Gin
finite riches in little room"
The pugilist's profession is anything but
prosaic. 1t is generally tull OF striking in
cidents.
1t is claimed that a pail or tub of fresh
cold water, renewed several times in the
course of twenty.four hours, will absorb
all the evil odor of fresh paint in n day or
two. But the evil stain of it on the cuff
can only be absorbed by leaving your or
der at the tailOr's for a new suit
DR.. Carver, the well known rifle shot,
! says that an orange hit i'll the exact cen
tire by a rifle ball will vanish at once from
sight. An orange handed to a small boy
will vanish almost as quickly without
wasting rifle ball on it.-Nel0 IOr,
| TClCgrum
His Tickle Judgment Willie-"Mam-
ma, you amt going to give all that chick
en- to Tommy, are you - Mamma-"No,
Willie dear it is for you" Willie-"Oh,
| w udl a IlllG OIL u NUJt.
Il wouldn't he fool, if | were YOU. -
said Jones to a friend. IF you were me
you wouldn't be fool, - was the reply
PtttSburg Dispatch.
The hustle i never truthful" saws the
New Orleans Pic0UjHc; 'it is an eXag-
geration of facts The truthfulness of
the hustle depends, in great measure,
upon the character of the newspapers of
which it is composed,-N. Y. World.
"Bub,' he sad to little shaver coming
out of the savings bank with a book in his
hand, are you saving money p Yes,
sir" How much have YOU got in the
bank ?" Eight cents, sir. | did have
thirteen, but father got III Strengthened
financial circumstances and had to draw
five. '-DctrOit Free Press.
ITS been given out that my daughter
was married" said a gentleman near
Griffin recently, but | want to state there
will keep the young men away. She
amt married at all, but is jest as willin'
as ever. '-COlumbus (Gd.) Enquirer.
The latest acquisition to dime mu-
scum is a man who has a spiral neck,
shaped something like corkscrew. 1t is
supposed that he sat in a theatre behind a
high hat and twisted his neck out of shape
in trying to get a glimpse of the stage. Ii
is wonder that there are not more such
freaks "-NorriStOlrH HCrdld.
Sir John Macdonald, the Canadian pre-
mier, has a seven by nine idea OF Canada
and a two by three contempt for the
United states He thinks that Canada is
necessary to our existence, and that we
are dependent upon ii for all the prosper
ity and happiness we enjoy. Perhaps he
is right but we pay pretty stiff price
for the privileges. If Sir John will re
talate and chuck us over few of those
cashiers and fugitive boOdlers we may
call it square and let him tote his fish cart
and toot his fish horn all he's ii minC
TO. - LOCGU citizen.
Household Hints. Ink stains on ma
hogany furniture will disappear if treatet
"a follows: Procure Il carpenters cLisel
guuge out the spots thus soiled. Tn,
holes may be filled up with putty. T,
remove stains from the character-inheri
Il fortune of IA million dollars. Norris
tOUH Hcruld.
The New York Herald describes tn
crown prince of Germany as wearing
dark blue generals uniform We hao
5 several green generals in our war, but
dark blue general is a novelty. -BoStOl