News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-14

Because then l might be engaged"
She now wears a solitaire.
ABNORMAL WEATHER.
Patient--"D I've got q sore throat |
and a pain in my chest, and my head |
aches as if it would split"
Doctor-"You needn't pay any atten- |
ton to those symptoms, as they indicate |
a normal condition. If during the pres |
ent abnormal weather q man feels |
perfectly well he is not healthy---but I
can cure you. "--zecas SJtjngs.
-s.7~ 1NTERRUPT1NG THEIR SPORT.
"Why, why, how is this!" said a
children engaged in q general melee; |
''you must stop this fghting!"
''Oh, letup, mister" cried a youngster, |
checking an intended blow and turning |
on the intrudar, none o you olI folks
like to see children enjoying themselves
Detroit Free Press.
BUSINESS Is BUSINESS.
OldLady Ito street urchin)-Wouldn't |
you like to be good little boy and go to |
Sunday school and be taught not to
swear or say wicked things?
Little Boy-NO'm. Me ladders goin' .
to git me job on de canal to drive .
mules soon's navigashun opens, an | .
mustn't do anythin to interfere wild de
bizness.
THE UNHAPPY CREDITOR.
First Student--"Where are you going, |
Tom 2"
Second Student--''To my tailor"
''GOing to pay him what you owe |
him %
''Not much. When he wants money
when to come again. "---IeUas SiftiHgs.
a BUSINESS VIEW OF IT.
"No," remarked Miss Beezy of Chic
ago, shaking her head depressively, "our
city is not advancing as rapidly in the
direction of art as it might under more
favorable conditions. "
"To what do you attribute this?" he
asked
''To the low price of pork."
TTME-3A A. NJ
Mrs. JoIlyboy: "Where on earth
have you been?"
Mr.. j.: 81 cannot tell lie; I've been
at m 'offish."
Mrs. j.: "That's where we differ. I
can tell a le-when [ hear one. Cruel
silence, during which something is heard
to drop. l-Haroard Lanapoon.
WHAT SHE WOULD DO.
Charley Ito his pretty cousin, who is
fishing): "Any bites yet, Maud!"
Maud: ''Only nibble or two."
Charley: "What would you do, Maud,
if you should make as good catch as |
am said to be?''
Maud: ''Throw it back in, Charley
JUST THE THING.
He--"Wouldn't you like to attend the
opera this evening, my dear p
She 4esitatinglyl--"Y-yes, b-but
desperately I've nothing to wear.
He--"That's all the rage at the opera,
nothing to wear. ''---T'ecaS SJtings.
SHE BOUGHT IT.
Young woman Ctimidly to clerk)-
7 would Ike to look ar some flse hair
please.
What color does your friend want2
Sale effected.-LJ6.
THE DIFFERENCE.
'Twixt fool and wise
This difference lies:
The fool his folly shows,
Yet knows 1t not;
The wise his folly knows,
Yet shows it not. lid Bits.
ODDS AND ENDS.
HANDSOME men are not Objectionable
when they have good sense; but there is
the trouble.
CONGRESS- having adjourned, the
American newspapers have nothing to
do but run the European war.
IT is all very well to talk about mind
reading, but the thing that should be en-
couraged is newspaper reading.
A WESTERN lecturer has selected for
his subject ga Bad Egg" He says he
was struck with it some time ago.
AT progressive euchre party the
other night the BOBBY prize was a drum,
the only thing the recipient could beat.
WHY is a watchdog larger at night
than he is in the morning? Because he
is let out at night and taken in in the
morning.
The man who thinks more of money
than anything else, gauges himself with
the thought that he would be nobody
without the money.
SAID a White House caller to Presi-
dent Cleveland, as he shook hands the
other day: 'You must come up to Bos-
ton. We won't take mo- for an answer.
Come, and bring Mrs. K. with you.
TENDER-HEARTED Young Lady-"Oh,
you cruel, heartless little wretch to rob
those poor birds of their eggs" Wicked
Little Boy-"Ho! That's the mother
bird that you've got on yer bonnet.
Guess she won't care"
A CITIZEN always believed to be a lit
tie ''near," bought a horse, and after Il
trial complained to the seller, a neigh
Dor, that the animal sometimes over
reached" to which the other responded:
'Well, they say the same of you.
"OH, give us rest," said young
man, impatiently, to a little boy who
was busy plying him with questions.
The little fellow looked at him a mo-
ment, and then, with the utmost innO-
cence, said: "Well, you rest, and I'll
talk"
Mrs. GRABBLEToN-''O Mr.. Fogg,
[ saw your wife in Blasford's store, yes
terday, and she did look perfectly love
w." Fogg-''Don't you know, my dear
madam, that everything looks more at
tractive in the store than it does after
you have got it home 2"
A SMALL boy in school was reading,
and came to the work ''naplun," and
hesitated. ''Why do you stop there,
Johnny 2" said the teacher; ''you know
what a napkin is, don't you?" ooh,
yes" said johnny, his face frightening
up; chats something we use when we
have company"
ANOTHER Claimant Doctor;
"What battle were you ins' Pension
Fraud: "Bull Run" Pension Doctor:
"Were you wounded there Z" Pension
Fraud: 81 would have been If L had
waited" Pension Doctor: "For what
do you claim a pension r Pension
Fraud: "For loss of wind"