Devils Lake inter-ocean. (Devils Lake, Ramsey Co., Dakota [N.D.]) 1884-1905, 1887-11-05

anticipations in hope and fear Of what
might be preparing no cheerful contem-
plation Of the Joint. while the carver
sharpens his knife; no discussions OF favor
and richness; no taodestiy hazardet con
illusions as 10 more currents; no rolling Of
the wine glass in the fingers to the light
and smachnG SUf lips over the first sip
all these things were lost to me-. Reader,
II happy this memoir ever sees q postum
nous light, think what would happen to
yourself if eating and drinking, those
perennial Joys OF humanity, which last
from the tnfantine pap to the senile Reva-
lenta Arabtca, were taken away.
All things tasted alike, as I have said,
and cold mutton formed my staple dish.
AS I could only distinguish between beer,
wine, coffee and tea by the look, l drank
water. II I vehtured, which was seldom,
to take my dinner at a cook shop, I would
choose my piece de resistance by the look,
by some fancied grace in the shape, but
not by taste or smell. The brown Of
roast beef might attract me one day and
repel me the neX l was pleased with
the comeliness Of a game pie, or tickled
by some ineXplicable external charm OF a
beefsteak pudding. But three quarters Of
my life were gone, and with them all my
happiness.
If you have no appetite for eating, You
can enjoy nothing In the whole world.
That is an axiom. l could not taste,
therefore my eye ceased to feel delight in
pleasant sights, and my ear in pleasant
sounds. 1t was not with me as in the
case of n blind man, that ali abnormal de-
vetopment of some other sense ensued;
quite the contrary. In selling one, l seem
to have sold them all. For, as l discov-
cred, man Is one and ~inseparable; you
cannot split him up; and when my arch
deceiver bought my appetite, he bought
me II n out. A wine merchant might
AS we'll pretend to sell the bouquet Of
claret md preserve the body; or n painter
tho color of his picture and preserve the
drawing; or a sculptor the grace of his
group and keep the marble.
AS regards other losses, I found I had
lost the perception Of beauty in form or
color. Why this was no 1 cannot explain.
was no longer, I suppose, in harmony
with other men On any single point.
Pretty women passed me unheeded: pic
lures had nc charm for me; music was
only irritating to my nerves.
Then l found that I had lost the power
Of sympathy had formerly been q soft
hearted lnam!2I remarked now that the
sight OF suffering found me entirely cal
lous. There wa II poor family living
about half u mile from me, whose ac-
1uaintance l made through buying some
Of my supplies Of them. They were in
distress for rent; they applied 70 me
there, I cannot bear to think of il. | had
the money and 1 refused them. They
were sold up, and ] sat at my door and
watched them OH their way to London
The mother, the w girls, the little boy,
hand In hand, homeless and penniless,
without II pang and without IL single
prompting OF the heart to help them.
God knows what became Of them. May
he forgive me for the hard hearted cruelty
with which I regarded their fate.
Had l.. then. sold everything to this
man.
I had been pretty religious in n way-a
young mans way. Now l had lost all re-
ligious feeling whatever. had once am
bition and hopes, these were gone; | had
once the capacity Of love, that was gone;
[ had once n generous heart, that was
gone; ] once loved things worth loving, l
felt no emotion now for anything. l was
! machine which could feel. was a man
with the humanity taken ont of him.
This time lasted for about four months.
On the first OF each month 1 went to re-
ceive my pay-the wages Of sin-from the
clerk, who surveyed me critically, but
said nothing till the morning Of the fourth
month. Then, while lie handed me my
money, he whispered conldentially across
the table.
"Look here, old fellow, you know;
you're going it worse than poor Tom
Kirby. Why don't you stop IT. What is
The good OF a feller's drinking himself to
leaths The old gentleman was here yes
terday, asking me how you looked, "nd if
you continued steady. Pull up, Old man.
and knock it off,"
l took the money in my trembling hands
and skunk away abashed. When I got
home again I In not ashamed to say that
I cried like q child.
Delirium tremens! That would begin
soon, and then the end would not be far
of. 1t was too awful. Think of my po-
sition. was but four and twenty. Not
only was l deprived Of the pleasure
mind you, q very real pleasure-of eating
and drinking; l was the most temperate
man in the world, though that was no
great credit to myself, considering; and
yet I bore in my face and my appearance,
and felt In my very brain, all the marks
and signs Of confirmed drunkenness and
the very hopelessness of it. That hard
ened old voluptuary, that demon Of glut-
tony, that secret murderer, would have no
pity. He must have felt, by the falling
Of Of the splendid appetite which he was
| doing his utmost to ruin, that things were
getting worse, and he was resolved-I had
suspected this for some time-to kill me
OF by drinking me to death.
believe I should have been dead in an
| other week but for a blessed respite, due,
I afterward discovered, to my demon be-
ing laid up with so violent q sore throat
that he could not even swallow. What
was my joy at being able to go to bed
sober, to wake without a headache, to feel
my bad symptoms slowly disappearing, to
recover my nerves! For a whole fortnight
I was happy-so happy that ! even be.
ieved the improvement would last and
chat the old man was penitent. One day,
after fourteen days of q yeritable earthly
paradise, I was walking along the Strand
for I was no longer afraid of venturing
out-and met my old manager, Juliet's
father. He greeted me with a warmth
| that was quite touching under all the cfr-
c~urnstances. my dear boy. I have been
! longing to know your whereabouts. Come
and tell me all about 1t. Have you dined?
Let US have some dinner together"
excused myself and asked after Juliet.
Juliet is but SO SO. All, do you know,
| Lucraft, sometimes I think I did wrong
to part you. And yet, you know, you had
no money. Make some, my boy, and
| come back TO u.s."
This wal hearty. 1 forgot my troubles
and my state of bondage, and everything
except Juliet.
"I-I-I have money" I said. II have
come into q little money unexpectedly"
: Have YOU he replied. claspinR me