Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1887-07-23
HOT WEATHER READING.

The old chaps who wore armor were the
first mail carriers. -BOStOR Post.
The Lord doesn't temper the wind to
the shorn lamb Of Wall street.-The.
House-lOt owners are not forgotten if
those out of site are ont of mind.-Piea-
yNRs.
There is one tie-up that everybody can
approve of, and that is marriage. -BOston
Post.
Canada will soon thirst for peace if she
goes to war on cOdfish.-Nelc Orleans Ped-
yWRs.
A good American wine needs no bush.
All that is required is popular foreign
label.-LOtrel Courier.
About this time the size Of the dealers
price of ice is about as small rs his con-
science-Philadelphid Cal.
A new town with no unOccupied houses
Is better than an old town with empty
dwellings. -AaRiSdR (AId.) Hot Blast.
Ice is very popular now, but we can re-
member time not six months ago when
every one was down on it-S. Paul Her
aid
II is somewhat comforting TO note that
il is generally the man who cannot swim
who rocks the boat at picnic.-LOlreH
Citizen.
The English say that there are no ruins
in America, but have the English ever
seen the Kiralfy ballet ?-SOmerriHe Jour
nal.
In New York city they never find out
4 4
until he or she murders sOmebOdy.-BGt-
fdlO Times.
When man belongs to the past it is
great pity TO keep digging hun up and
crowdiug him into the present.-Nelr Or
leans PedyaHs.
Rum is a curse aud must go!' shouted
frenzied Prohibition orator. 'Nesh,"
said thick voice near the door, down
with itr'-Lye.
And so you are a Boston man." ''Yes,
sir" Beg your pardon, but what part OF
Ireland did yon come frOm?'-Boston
Transcript.
4 Philadelphia school girl, upon being
asked by the teacher To define u hollow
mOckery, promptly replied, "A hustle. ~
PHILADELPHIA Herald.
A Maryland lady defends herself for the
size of her hustle by saying that she isn't
responsible for what goes on behind her
back-H0rp,r's Bazdr.
We have it on good authority that the
Athletic Club will win a game next Octo-
her. That is to say, it will be a cold day
when they do.-Phiiadslphia Gail.
II you wish to know Just how little pa
thence you have lett, try TO raise re!rac'
tory car window to please tidgety woman
on hot day.-NUiha'S JmCyard Herald
Perhaps when Kapiolani gets home IA
laGaua will think that there is another
revolution and that in comparison the first
one wasn't worth thinking about.-BOSton
Post.
Ii is suspected that the reason so many
men are afraid to die is that they dread
the possibility OF meeting so many life IN
surance agents on the other stde.-LOceH
CHizca
4 rural correspondent asks: "fIow can
| remove yermin from my hens?' Make
them use their combs. Your hens don't
seem to have been brought up right
Bingh0p,ptoR Republican.
A Philadelphia artist, who palnSt his
| tOrical pictures has au aunt who one day
exclaimed: Anybody can paint pic
ture, but the trouble is to find - fool to buy
| TITLE Epoch.
The brutal policeman seems to abound
on tine Pacific coast At least the Alta
California says that what the public want
is policeman who will club himself into
inseusibility occasionally.
4 correspondent wishes to know what
| became of the World balloon. 1t reached
| New York in freight car, which IN re-
garded ~ quite 4 triumph in modern jour
nalism. Philadelphia cal.
A Boston poet has ndited an ode TO
Beautiful Mike" OF course this refers
to the only Kelly and will send
thrill of aesthetic ecstasy through every
| bean eaters breast. -BgriiHgtOA Free Press.