News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-12-08
Wednesday he offered to let her off her
engagement.
ENTRANCE AND EXIT.

wrong side of him.
Charley-How's that9
Harry-The bright things never come
out of his head on the side I'm watch
ing.
HELP NOT NEEDED.
Leader-Bill Gumps was nominated
by our party last night
American Mechanic-So heard.
L-You'H support him, won't you2
A. M.-No, it isn't necessary that I
should support him.
Why amt it2
A. M.-His wife does that.
WHO SUPPORTED ArLAs7
'Now, Mary Ann," said the teacher,
addressing thu foremost of the class in
mythology, @who was it that supported
the word on his shoulders2"
''It was Atlas, ma am"
'And who supported Atlas 2"
"The book doesn't say, but I guess
his wife supported him."
EARLY TRAINING.
Fond Father Ito fond daughter, who
has undergone somewhat painful oper-
alton at the dentist's). "And my little
girl didn't cry and carry on while the
dentist was extracting her tooth 2"
Fond Daughter. ""The idea, papa
You don't suppose I'd behave that way
in strange place %
AN AsCETIC.
Father-Ain't you going to work9
Lazy son-Guess not.
81 don't understand how anybody
can loaf such weather as this. Why, it
is q real pleasure to work now"
81 know it, but don't want to give
myself up too much to mere enjoyment.
-IerGs SJttngs.
Bobby Ito young Mr.. Fatboy)-I
heard my sister Clara say something
lovely to Ma about you, Mr. Fatboy.
Young Mr.. Fatboy (anxiously)-No,
did you, Bobby? What was it
Bobby-She said you would be lovely
to sit on the family Bible and press au-
tumn leaves.
SHE HAD HIM.
''This is a new shade, isn't it?'
''Yes, madame, it has just come in. y"
'What is it called?"
''The manufacturer wanted to pay us
a delicate compliment, so he named it
The Clerks Favorite.
''Give me five yards of your plainest
black. -
A DREARY DAY.
Bobby Sunday afternoon)- What
a dreffel, long, dreary day Sunday is,
Mother-Why do you think it dreary,
Bobby?'
Bobby (after some thought)-I sup
pose its because pa stays at home all
/ day.
| THE CAUSE.
Visitor Ito convict)-What brought
you here, my friend9
Convlct-E,xtreme youth.
Nisitor-Why, you are an old mani
Convict-Yes, but the lawyer who de
Tended me was very young. He ought
not to be in trousers.-N. Y. Sun.
BEHIND.
elbow is your son getting along in
New York, Mr.. Hayseed?' 81 guess he
amt doin' as well as he says he is. He
was home tother day, an had on col
ored shirt an white collar. L rayther
suspect he's behind with his washer
woman. ''-Hu1per's Bazar.
EASILY ANSWERED.
"What did you marry my son for p
fiercely demanded an old gentleman of
Il clergyman who had just united his
runaway scapegrace in the holy bonds.
''Two dollars, sir" meekly replied
the dominic, ''to be charged to you. -
BinghanatOn Republican.
SHE WAS BRAVE.
He-Getting married seems to be very
dangerous now. No fewer than seven
brides have been accidentally killed on.
their wedding day this year.
She Gngeniously)-But true woman
will shirk her duty, Tom, through a
craven fear of death.
AN EXPLANATION.
''Nhat does p. d. q. mean, pa ?" ask
cd little Johnny, who is quick at picking |
up things he shouldn't.
''It means the way you will go up |
stairs to bed, replied old Brown, ''if 1 |
hear another word out of you the whole
evening. '-Judge.
WESTERN DELIVERY.
Customer (to Nevada hotel proprietor) |
What have you got in the way of |
game, landlord?
Landlord (rubbing his hands appe-
tiziugly) Well, sir, can get you up
couple of nice grasshoppers on toast.-
HorperS Bazdr.
A LUCID REASON.
Patient-Doctor what makes desc |
brane fevers hang on so long2 Dis am
de secon' mont Use bin in dis bed
Doctor misunderstanding for
de brain, Mister Webster, am what takes |
up de time ob desc slow fevers.-Te1as
SJtings.
AN INTERESTING CONTEST.
Wife In the rivalry between Mrs.
Langtry and Mrs. Potter for histlionic
honors, John, which lady do you think
is leading?
Husband-Why. 1 understand that
Mrs Langtry is still two brands of so..p
ahead.
ABAD GIVE AWAY.
"There, Bobby" said his mother,
"vou have sat on Mr. Featherly's knee !
quite long enough. You are getting too
big boy"
"'Weli, Clara sits on his knee argued
Bobby, "an' she's good deal bigger'n
me-"
TO BE DEFENDED UPON.
Gentleman-I don't like to pay you
for the job, Uncle Rastus, until it's
done. You might go back on me.
Uncle Rastus (earnestly)-'Deed I
won't, boss, deed [ won't. Ise white if
l is cullud.-N. Y. San.
DON'T DO IT.
Architect propose to introduce
few panels of Moorish fret-work into the
ir-gallery, SO as to
Client-Sh Ssh! Mr.. Lewis; for mer-
cy's sake don't do it. L married piece
of american fret-work
LIVING CURIOSITY.
Visitor (to dime museum freak)-
Beyond being very pretty young
woman, see nothing remarkable about
you, miss. What is your speciality
Freak-Tm the girl who thinks she is
homely, sir.
WHO THREW IT.
''Who threw that paper wad?" The teacher
Pointed up to the ceiling.
''Nobody sir said honest Tommy,
With show of injured feelings
II went to lay it on the stand,
And it just slipped out of my hand"
NOT AT HOME.
Mistres Ito Maid)-Did any one call
while | was out, Nary
Maid-Yes, mum; a young man called
to see Bridget, the cook, an she sent
worrud up that she ''wasn't at home