Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1887-04-30
Mr.. AND MRS. BOWsER.
BY MRS. BoWsEE.


I suppose that Mr.. Bowser Is like the
majority Of men In putting the best
side before the public. The other
morning when he left the house he
knew that baby was sick, / had a head
ache and the cook was disabled by
cutting her hand on a piece Of glass.
I had told him that we were out of but
ter and coffee and potatoes, and he said
he would stop and order them. Once
on the car he forgot all about it, and at
half-past II, meeting an old school
mate, he insisted:
@NOW you come right up to dinner
with me. want you to see my house
and my family, and have a visit
~But your wife won't be expecting
company"
%Oh, you come right along. Ny wife
and my house are always ready for any
visitors I may bring home, and your
presence won't cause rs an iota of en-
barrassment.
AT II O'Clock I told Jane to pick up
any sort of dinner for Mr.. BOwser,
and at u Mr.. BOwser and his friend
entered the house. Leaving him in the
parlOr, Mr.. BOWser rushed IN on me
with:
sect into your Sunday clothes as
soon as pOssible-dress the baby up
tell cook to have three kinds Of meat
send for a niger to wait on the table,
and run through the room and pick up
things"
"AIr. Bowser, have you been idiot
enough to bring some one home to
dinner?"
@Of course I have. What is there
wrong about that, I'd like to know?"
well, where are the groceries you
were t. Order?"
"Groceries2 II forgot!7
Jane can't use but one hand, while
1 should faint away if L tried to dress.
You'll have to take him 90 a hotel"
Never When I invite a man to
partake Of my hosp tally I'll never
skulk him OF TO q hotell 1t is a pretty
state of affairs that my house is all
upset IN this manner at this time Mrs.
BOwser, you and must have q reckon
ingl Tu be hanged if I put up with
such conduct as this !"
And then he returned to the parlOr
and heard MIN say:
@Wll, old fellow, 1 find a note from
my Birdie that's me- stating that she
has taken the little angel chats our
wall-eyed baby over to her sisters for
the day, and our idiot Of a cook didn't
expect me home and has no dinner
ready. Wen have to go down to the
restaurant.
@Thats all right. You've got IA beau
tiful home here"
And the incest little wife and the
prcttiest baby IN all the world" ex-
claimed Mr.. Bowser as he slapped his
leg.
And the other evening, as we sat by
ourselves, he suddenly inquired:
"Was there a man here to-day to see
about selling me some fruit trees ?"
"Why, no. What on earth do you
want of fruit trees 2"
What does any one want of fruit
trees2 1 suppose your advice would be
to surround our premises with e line of
bassWOods."
"But where can we put 'em?"
@We? 1 shall set them out on this
lot, Of course. 1 might just as well be
raising $500 worth Of choice fruits each
season as to raise nothing but grass
and weeds.
We'll, I suppose you'll have your
own way"
"Oh, you do! Well, if you can con-
vince me that the way of one born in
Coon Hollow, brought up on johnny
cake, and educated in a ten by twelve
log schOOl-hOuse, is better than mine,
III adopt it"
Just then the door-bell rang, and he
went through to the door. Some friends
had come to spend the evening, and
Mr.. BOWser greeted them with:
Hip, burrahl Well, this is a gen
uine godsend, and no mistakei Pussie
Chats me- and I were Just wishing
somebody would drop In"
1 entered the parlOr after two or
three minutes and had scarcely well
coined the visitors, when BoWser pat
ted me Gfectionately on the shoulder
and said:
~NoW, cherub Chats me-, run and
bring our little darling Chats our wall
eyed aud show him of. He's just the
sweetest, cutest, incest little rosebud
IN all this world, and every body ad-
mits it. "
We played cards and had lunch, and
during the evening Mr.. Bowser. called
me Daisy, PRnsy, SWeetie, Darling
and many other fond names, and when
the subject of diamonds happened to
be mentioned he exclaimed:
~By GeOrgel that reminds mel Say,
deary, We are to go down to Smiths at
ten o'clock tomorrow and have you
select the stones for your earrings"
When eleven o'clock came and the
last guest had been bowed of the door
step, the mammoth grin which had
lowered over Mr.. BOwser's face all the
evening disappeared like a flash, and
he turned on me- with:
Nov, then, Mrs. BOwser, you got
that gang in here to break up my even
ing and eat and drink out of my pocket,
and if you see another new dud inside
Of six months you just ring me up by
telephone. "-DetrOtt Ere Press.