The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1887-08-04

OF 0an0lee, ike references 70 the Dig f00t
Of 81. Louis girls, have lost their potency
to make me laugh; but when, for pal
pable fact, came across young fellow
with the tops Of his ears bent down by
the brim Of his hat my merriment was
kept internal only by convulsive effort.
The trouble with him was partly length
Of ears, partly shortness Of Uranium, and
partly adherence to the fashion of wear
ing too big hat It was not conceive
BILE that, even with his limited space for
brain, he would be unaware Of his gro
tesqueness. It Is q peculiarly Of the
New York swell of his type that he en-
joys ridicule better than no atten-
tion at all. He will 60 to q
theatre where the dude is an object of
portraituro and abuse, sit conspicuously
in front seat, and be proud Of person
ally illustrating the ludicrous traits
which the actor mimics. He will pose
in the fashionable restaurants, apparently
for the direct purpose Of being suyed by
the crowd. Unable to distinguish him
self in better ways, he is quite content to
figure as butt for jokes. Therefore,
suppose that the fellow with his ears
turned down by his hat brim was glad of
his natural advantage over those rivals
who had to depend wholly on acquired
absurdities. What would be shame for
ordinary men was pride for him.
Sometimes . girl is tempted to fool .
dude. One Of the prettiest creatures in
oil this great metropolis is lemon and
lily blonde, ranging from five to eight
inches in thickness, and proportionately
small In width, with no more than eigh-
teen years to her age, and enough Of q
fortune to allow Of doing just as she
pleases about marrying. was in her
party at the theatre the other night, and
we were weeping, more or less, over the
sorrows Of the play. Allowing for the
hearty dinner which I knew she had
eaten, there couldn't have been room in
her thin figure for great amount Of
emotion; and when / saw the tears were
yelling up In one of her eyes and not in
the other I surmised that the dinner had
got entirely on one side of her midrif and
tho sympathy all on t'other. But was
wrong, and this is how found out: Her
escort was dude, whose love was q pro-
found ~ his shallowness permitted.
After puzzling himself over the dryness
Of one Of her eyes, while its mate was
brimming, he asked for an explanation
Of the phenomenon.
"And which eye do you admire most r
she said.
"H-h-hard to tell" he stammered.
''The one ew-w-with the tears sort Of melts
afellow, d-d.don't you know, and the one
without the tears sets h-h-him ablaze
with its flashes. It's . choice betwixt
two-two-"
"Girls ~
20, no. Betwixt two m,mighty g-good
things, you know"
"On the whole, now, which one do you
preferI"
"Wa-wa-well, I think the d-d-dry one"
II am 30 glad, Dolphy, to hear you say
that" and the girl beamed rapturously
into his face, "because the eye ls . glass
one, and I'm sometimes afraid It disfg-
ures me-" a al
This revelation lost her q lover. But
don't suppose she will miss him from
the gang, and she certainly had fun with
him while he lasted.
There is one comely young woman
who ID oddly turning herself to account
q an exhibtt-if may be permitted ia
take an infidel view Of whas 10 put forth
- ghostly. I am not able to reveal hel
name, but che appears - Carrie Miller, {
girl who died . century or 90 ago. "A
sna xScS o
gradually tskss the form Of woman In
gauzy robes, and then this materialized
spirit walks and tilks among tho awe
stricken spectators. permits them x