News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-11-10

| hotnlnS but a ten dollar bill.
At the supper table she made the
same request.
81 haven't a cent, he replied.
why didn't you get that ten-dolla1
bill broken, John 2" she inquired.
81 did, " he answered with an intona
tion of sadness.
| D AVOID A HASTY REVENGE.
Don't wreak your spite until after you've
slept;
The wrong may look changed in the morn
The repose of the night may its influence shed
On The cause of your anger aud scorning
Last evening slept DER a slight | endured:
was rufied, but shrouded all traces:
My spirit was changed in the morn, and I
went
And 1 licked my aggressor like blazes
It'd Bits.
SENSITIVE TO DRAUGHT.
Jack - You are not looking well,
Brownley.
Young Brownley Ga sensitive plant)-
No, my dear boy. [ caught cold while
eating some Schweitzerkase last night.
Jack-How could piece of Schweit-
zerkase give you a cold?
Young Brownley - Why stwong
dwaught came thwough the holes, don't
cher know.-Harper's Bazar.
LIABILITIES SMALL.
Gentleman-Yous say you have failed
in the whitewash business, Uncle Ras-
tus.
Uncle Rastus--Yes, sab. Done clean
busted.
Gentleman-What did you pay on
the dollar2
Uncle Rastus-Didn't pay muffin on
de dollah, sab. De li'bil'ties wah only
seventy five cents.
SHE HAD HIM THERE.
Young husband Maria, what kind of q
leathery mess do you call this
Young wife-This, George, is French
pudding made from that receipt of your
mothers. You know you've always
wanted me to-
Young husband-Why, so it is. It's
superb, Maria, superb. (Eats pudding
and silently commends his soul to
heaven.
SOME GIRLS ARE AWFUL.
"Some girls are just too awful for
anything" said Miss Stormy Weather
on her way home from church yester-
day "There's Ethel Marshall, she
wears a set of false teeth"
81 can hardly believe it, said Mr..
Swansdown, 81 never noticed it,
''Of course you didn't. Why, she is
so dcceitful that she only wears them at
night"
ONE MAY KNOW TOO MUCH.
Gentleman at Club-Would you be
lieve it, my dear fellow, notwithstand
ing %i my .1 protests st. MY wife f>Is insists or
when She goes to beif
Ny Dear Fellow (absent-mindedly)-
L Know, my dear Gimp Don't talk t.
me about it. It's simply disgusting g
When one kisses her it tastes just like
sugar
SHE DON'T REMEMBER.
Fashionable Young Woman (to dry
goods clerk)-I should like to look at
some lace, please.
Dry Goods Clerk-Why, Clara, how
do you do? l haven't seen you since
we parted in the Adirondacks.
Fashionable Young Woman-Sir
Dry Goods Clerk-What kind of lace
would you be pleased to look at.-Tid
Bits.
WHY HE TRIED SUICIDE.
Magistrate Ito prisoner)-What i'm
PEELED you to attempt suicide?
Prisoner-It was conversation I
overheard, sir, on the boat coming down
from Troy. One of 'em said: "Whos
90 ducky 2" The other said: 'T's oor
duck, whose ducky is oo?" I hap
pened to have some deadly poison in
my pocket and I swallowed it.
MILD HINT.
They had been sitting in contempla-
tive silence for a long time, When Will
lam musingly said: 81 think Naomi,
that there is q great deal of wisdom in
that old saying: Silence is golden"
"There may be, but gold is unhandy.
[ would rather have q Bill.
1t took him an hour to ''catch on,
but he finally offered himself.
HOME TO RoosT.
Mr.. Winks with affected disgust
Whew This mince pie is terribly
strong.
Mrs. Winks-Yes, Bridget got too
much brandy in the mincemeat this
time.
Little Nell-Aren't it funny. Smelt
jist like pas mustache did when you was
away.-Omaha World.
THE Foo1KILLER.
"What is a foollliller, ma2" asked
little Johnny.
"Go ask your father, my dear" she
replied with a sneering intonation; che
knows everything.
ga foolkiller, my boy" returned old
Brown, glancing slyly under his paper
at his wife, ''is little thing called
cigarette. .''-Judge.
HE EARNED HIS HARP.
st. Peter Ito applicant)-What WAS
your business when on earth
Applicant-Editor Of newspaper.
st. Peter-Big circulation, of course?
Applicant-No, small; smallest in the
country.
st. Peter-Pick ont your harp.
HARD CROWD.
"Farmers must be dreadfully i'm
proper set of men, remarked Mrs. Mo
Swilligen.
'How do you make that out?" asked
her husband.
"Why they shock even wheat and
corn. "-PdiSb1rGh Chronicle.
A SLIGHT HOPE.
"Papa," she said, entering the old
mans room, George is in the parlor,
and have broken the dreadful news to
him that you have failed"
''What did he say!'
"He wants to know what you paid on
the dollar. ~. I. San.
THE SHOT.
Young Simpkins--F the devotion OF
lifetime will prove to you the strength
of my love, Gladys, it shall be yours.
Can you desire more Can you
Gladys-That will be all
Young Simpkins instinctively) -
Ca-a sh It'd BITS.
HE DIsCLAIMED RESPONSIBILITY.
"How did you begin life ?" the young
man asked the great man. :.
'I didn't begin it, truthtuJiy replied
the great man. at was here when /
got here. Scranton Ir1,th.
The Glens Fall Stay says that Henry
George recently bought 200 acres OF
land in Essex County. lis probably
proposes to distribute it among the
members of the Anti-Poycrty Society.