Morning journal and courier., 1887-05-11
SOOTHIyG.

Music may have scharms to soothe the savage" etc., but if it is German music It can't soothe the savage Frenchmen anything to speak of.-Boston Post.
 The Russian soldiers are not allowed to marry This seems to us to be a mistake. A married man generally knows more about fighting than single one.-Yonkers States man.
 Visitor-f'Who is that fine looking lady that just went out?" Boarder-tsThat's my landlady." Visitor - s'Looks healthy" Boarder-"Yes. She eats all her meals with a married sister across the street. Judge.
 Some one has discovered that the first white child of America bore the name of sESnorre.' It should have had no difficulty in making itself heard, but the name implies that it was something of nuisance. Herald.
 It is stated that one of Chicago's million aires recently paid s1,000 for a Bible at book sale. This is calculated to strengthen the impression that the Bible is an exceed ingly unique and rare book at Chicago Atlanta Constitution.
 He-s'Wasn't the CT -er-last night chawming the, conversation was so CT CT chawming, and the CT er- chawming-" She-"Chawming Chawmingl I've thought it all over, don't-cher-know, and it really was just awfully, jolly chawming!"- Puck.
 Tommy (who wants to prove things that he hears)-"Mother, do you think our big into the water?" Mother-''I dare say he would, dear" Tommy enthusiastically 'tOh, then, do frow Topsy in."-Harper's
 Young People.
 Teacher-''With whom did Achilles fight at Troy?' BoJ-''With Pluto" "Wrong."
 aWith Nero.h "Wrong." "Then it was Hector" ''What made you think of Pluto and Neros" "Oh, knew it was one Of our dogs. Their names are Pluto, Nero and Hector. r."-Frankfurter Zeitung. Friend Ca recent American-E English milady) -"And so you are going to be married, l | hear. Do tell me the happy man. I hope | he is one of sus.'" La Fiancee-"Oh, no, | indeed. I shall be plain American Mrs. You see, was afraid this rage for everything English might pass away, and then what in l the world could I do with my husband!"- | Harper's Bazar.
 | Little Eddie, three years old, had an at- | tack of croup one night The next evening, | when he knelt down to say his prayers, | his mamma told him he must thank God for making him we'll. So he said, 'fI thank | thee, o God, for making me well, but my
 nose goes this way yet"-here he snitfed sey- eral times to show that he still had cold in his head.-Babyhood.
 Scene-A doctors office in South St.Louis. Enter lady with sick dog. My dear
 Dr., you must not be angry with me, but won't you please cut off this tumor on poor Fannie's fanks' "Well, madam, would do anything to oblige you, but this is a little out of my line. Why don't you take the
 dog to a veterinary" "But, doctor, those
 veterinaries are So expensive. I supposed you could do it just we'll" Tableau- | Curtain.-St. Louis Republican. l Pictures Were Too Costly. y.--FI reckon we'll have to give up the idee of putin pictures in 1 the parlor, Miranda" remarked Jeremiah | Turnipseed as he threw the bridle under the
 table. 'sWhys'' asked Miranda. ''Too dear! Why, priced one at the city to-day, and the | dealer sez, sez he: That's an old master; its price is 5,000.' Why ,sez l, it looks like a
 second hand pictur.' Yes, it is,' sez he. Then, thinks I, if a secondhand pictur costs
 that much, it's use to price a new un. So, l Miranda, reckon we'll have to hang up 6
 few notices, God Bless Our Home and the
 like, and let the picturs go."-Pittsburg Chronic1e- -TelepraDh.