The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1887-08-21
STRANDED ON STEEL HEADS.
"reminiscences of Jack the Comedian
Price of Admission One Salmon Bits.

Every old Astorian remembers the
comedian John Jack and his wife Annie
Firmin, and the season they played here
at Liberty Hall. Chief among the remin-
iscerces of that prolonged and brilliant
theatrical engagement is the fact that he
advertised the price of admission to the
gallery as lone salmon" or its equiva-
lent-four bits. Before us lies a heap of
old play bills. printed in this office. in
which the attractions of each evening
are duly set forth, and in each pro-
gramme duly occurs the announcement
that the price of admission 10 the gallery
is lone salmon, 4 bits" A letter to the
New York Mercury gives an account of
the wanderings of the famous comedian,
who at that writing had been winning
plaudits from cracker audiences in the
everglades of Florida.
Following is an exaggerated but laugh
able reference to the transaction in As
toria in which salmon played so import
ant part:
SOLD ON sTEELHEADs.
On one occasion, in the height of the
fishing season in that great and growing
state the feet of which, with its rocky
bunions, are ceaselessly washed by the
waters of the Pacific-this company ap-
peared in the city of Astoria, and taking
possession of the town hall-knOwn as
The "Occidental''-hung out their banner
Oh the outer walls thereof and defied
competition and dared criticism: also in
yited the public and the rest of 0regonic,
and particularly AstOrian mankind TO
enter into the seats and joys of the
nightly performances. Price Of admis-
sion-ah. there was the rub
The manager discovered, during a
brief conversation with the jolly land
lord of the Occidental hotel, that "cur-
rent funds" were so only in name; in
fact, that except for use in the fishing in
terest, there were no funds. current or
otherwise. in that region. "You won't
take in a dollar a night in money, and
don't you forget 1t, was the assertion of
tine landlord.
The Falstafiian form of the managerial
comedian who had pat a girdle around
the earth with the Legitimate" in his
search for lucre and reputation expanded
inflated, so to speak-with disgust.
What, no money in town; IN Astoria,
the very beart of this vast regionr'
Right YOU arew certified the landlord
'lf you don't believe me 60 and see one
of our editorS-a publisher, or any store
keeper You like here. Why, some of our
richest people haven't had a dollar in
their grip in the last six weeks. Fact"
How in the name of Shakespeare do
you iive-on credit" gasped the head and
front of the New York Comedy company.
mo, sir, not on credit-On fish-with
Old rye sauce"
"Ha-ha-ha. Cad so. Beshrew me,
and by my halidame-Ifackins it likes
me not. 1t hath an ancient and fsh-like
odor."
II don't know what you mean, but it's
all the same-there amt no money-not
even the odor of greenback or an old
cent in the entire place, nor won't be
until the fishing seasons done with
Great Caesars corns. and whatll l do
with my company"
They'll have to fish or cut bait"
John Jack reefed in the breast of his
coat, and after tacking from one point 10
another in search of further information
''lit' into the Office of the DAILY AsToRIAN.
Here he found its editor and Tom
Sutherland, publisher of the Sunday
Welcome, who had just arrived from
Portland, Oregon, upon friendly visit.
The manager at once opened upon the
money question.
Landlords correct" said Sutherland,
who was amusing himself by whiting
wooden penholder with fish knife, into
the sembiance of a toothpick. mo
money here, or in Portland either-I paid
my fare here-from Portland, on the
steamer-ll0 miles too-with fish-two
hundred salmon for n cabin passage,
state room and meals, and not a scale
less"
."Am dreaming or am in Cape Codr'
"You are in Oregon-in Astoria, III fact.
Glad to meet you, When you come 60
Portland, the leading paper of the nor::a-
west, the Sunday Welcome, published
by yours truly, will give you piscatoriAl
boom which will hump you and your cs-
teemed company of comedians into glory
Providing you pay down ready salmon.
Advertising rates-fiye lines, long primer.
one buck salmon; editorial notice, three
line plea, thick leads, display heading,
three salmon per column"
Jack looked as If he We're cOllapSino
like devilfish punctured by harpoon.
The idea of trading Shakespeare for
salmon; putting up the ''New Magdalen"
as bait to catch mess of fish; convert
ing his line of business into a fish line.
"Oh, my company Was it for this
that / and mine shook the dust of Union
Square from our feet and wandered
hitherE"
Then to the editor and 10 Sutherland:
Suppose l open tonight, and-and ac-
CCDb al luC DOA
for seats-what'll do with the fishY'
why, don't you remember what the
landlord said-that only the fish dealers
had money? The fish Gamers will pay
you fifty cents apiece for salmon-as
many as you take them. You'll be all
right Go right on, old boy, with your
circus. It's your only way 10 win big
| audience"
The manager retired from the editorial
presence in good order, but with feeling
Of heaviness, as if his physical makeup
was careeening the wrong way, like a big
ship through the shifting of the ballast.
He called his comedians, male and female,
| together and held the mirror of affairs
up to the nature of their comprehension.
Would the leading man accept fifty
salmon a week until the company got out
of the scaly confines of Oregon-or at
least until the fishing season was over?"
"Fresh or pickledf'
Fresh, peradyenture."
~ say, Jack, hadn't We better hook il
| for 'Frisco?" said the juvenile gent"
Hook it-with baited breath" added
the low comedy fake, looking as lugu-
briously satiric as London Punch.
"It's big catch you've got us ontor'
put in the treasurer, counting a couple of
deadhead pastboards which he carried in
his pocket for luck.
cit is very like whale-and we're the
whaled," gloomily observed the first old
woman, with a far-away dime museum
expression in her eyes.
"Well. | s'pose we'll take water-and
4 fish - said the leading lady.