Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1887-03-23
Mlisfellauepms &eadiua.
MIR. AND MRS. BOWSER.
RY MRS. ROWSER.

... BY MRS. BoWsER.
"What dy'e think ?" exclaimed Mr.. Bow
ser, as he rushed into the sitting room with
out taking time to leave his hat and over
coat on the hall rack.
''Some of our relations dead"
"Relations? Nav! Mrs. Bowser, for the
past two or three weeks have been pre-
pairing surprise for you-a great surprise.
How much milk do we use around this
house daily" =,
"Three quarts of milk and a pint of
cream"
Exactly. Mrs. Bowser, exactly. And
the cost is twenty-four cents. You call 1t
milk, but what is it? A compound of
chalk and water, which must kill us inside
of five years." -,
"And are you going to change milkmen?"
"Exactly, Mrs. Bowser. l am going to
be my own milkman after this!'
"You are going to-to''-
"Yes, Pm going to buy cow!"'
"But you always get cheated on such
things"
"Do +? That's all you know about it )!
When I don't make 25 per cent. profit L
want to be kicked. A COW will be the best
paying investment we ever made. just
figure for yourself: There are twelve quarts
of rich milk per day, at six cents per quart:
That's seventy-two cents per day or So.O4
per week. Take out seventy-five cents as
the cost of her keeping, and you have clear
profit of s4.29. IS that swindle? We
can't use over four quarts per day, and can
therefore sell eight to the neighbors. Just
speak to Green and Smiths folks, will
you?"
"Mr. Bowser, don't you remember our
aPig! pig! What has Durham cow got
to do with a short horn pig? And, besides,
your own base conduct killed that animal.
Mrs. Bowser, don't you dare attempt any
tricks on my cow. I don't want scandal
but I'll divorce you if you ever look cross
eyed at her."
"Well, we'll see how you'll come out"
"Oh, yes-throw cold water on my efforts
to give you all the comforts of life. It's a
wonder to me that don't get discouraged
and 60 to the gutter, as many good man
has.''
Early the next morning woman appear.
ed with cow and calf, having them tied
behind her wagon. The calf was tied as
we'll as the cow, and [ noticed that 1t
seemed to he doing its best to keep away
from her. This seemed so singular that l
sWer about it, but he promptly called to me:
"Get back there! Do you want to get
this cow excited and her blood heated up?"
He paid for his new milch cow and placed
COW and calf in the barn, and after giving
them an hour to quiet down he came in for
me. After looking the animals over l
asked:
"Mr. Bowser, how old is that calf?"
"Three weeks"
"And that cow is it's mother? ?"
sits mother? You don't think she's its
uncle or grandfather, do you? You must
be getting soft in the head"
n hot oh
See there! She's ready to cripple it If it
comes near! !"
''Mrs. Bowser, you 60 in and attend to
your gossip and that wall eyed baby. and
don't you dare to come near this barn
again! You have become cross eyed and
soft headed.'
went in, but two hours later, when he
had a butcher up to buy the calf, slipped
out and heard the man say:
"That's the way of it Bowser. That isn't
her calf any more than you are Queen Vic
however; she looks like good mixer"
The calf was driven away, and Mr.. Bow
ser put in the afternoon at making milk
stool and fixing buttons on the cows
horns. After supper he went out and
MIXED, and as he brought in pail even
full he set it on the kitchen table with the
complacent remark:
Might have got SIX quarts more' out
He made great ado about drinking three
glasses for supper, and the cook was sent
around the neighborhood to drum up custom
ers. He held me in lofty contempt for
awhile, but finally melted enough to in
quire:
swell, did you taste any chalk in that"
mo, but did you observe that it had an
old taste? ?'
"W-what do you mean?"
"If that calf didn't belong to her what is
the inference ?"
He rose up, turned as white as sheet,
and after great effort managed TO say:
. ''The inference is that you don't know
enough to come in when it rains! Mrs.
Bowser, you killed off my hens, and you
caused the death of my pig! Take care
how you conspire with my COW! There is
limit to which human being can be
pushed!"
Nothing further was said until next
morning, when the quantity of milk drop
ped off to four quarts. began to express
wonder and amazement, but Mr.. Bowser
interrupted me with:
II didn't expect even that much this
morning. She is grieving for her calf"
The quantity at night was the same, and
Mr.. BoWser's marble brow wore look OF
anxiety. At the end of week the quantity
had fallen to three quarts at milking, even
with Mr.. BoWser feeding ten pounds OF
meal per day: Then l ventured to OBJ
serve:
"Mr. Bowser, I was satisfied from the
first that you had been sWindled. That
calf nev"--
"Oh, you were? Well, wasn't! She's
grieved for that calf until her milk ls nearly
gone, but I'll fat her for beef and get at
least $50 more than she cost me-"
We kept the beast from March to Sep
tember. She yielded US about $40 worth of
milk which no one liked to use, and she
cost $50 for fodder. Her first cost, exclusive
of the calf, was $42. Mr.. Bowser sold her
to a suburban butcher for $25, and on the
evening the trade was concluded, and as
we sat in the cleaning, remarked:
"Well, it hardly paid us to buy the cow"
ut didn't Ell? 1 expected you'd be
fiinging out some insult pretty soon! Why
didn't it pay us Who coaXed me into
buying her? Who did her malicious best
to drive that cow to her grave? Mrs
Bowser, just wish you had some husbands
to live with !"-DetroH Free Press.
NOURIsHMENT IN AN EGG.-"Eggs are |
indigestible," the landlord tells you in rural
New England, and offers you fried beefsteak
and saleratus as substitute.
dental like" was the report of a Western
landlord, while in the South delicious fried
chicken may be had, but how seldom the
egg, the beginning of all chickens.
"They are not substantial enough" is the |
;,& :,,o fhar q F.