Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-04-07
SQUIBS,


The groceryman always has plenty of
sand-in his sugar.
Jay Gould is very short man, but he
never knows what it is to be short.
No, indeed. Drummers are not so call
ed because they are always on the beat.
Teeth pulled while you wait" is
sign which adonrs dentists office in New
York
Many man is always ready to pay his
respects to you who will never pay much
of enything else.
Women will never make good base ball
players. They are too much addicted to
the muff.
We read of case of suspended ANNA
ton in Philadelphia. We had supposed
that that was the regular thing il Phila-
delphia.
The last juror of the Cleary trial was
an oil dealer. He will be very useful in
smoothing the troubled waters of debate.
At fire IN Covington, KY, recently,
20O0 barrels of whiskey were consumed
How those Kentuckians do drink, to be
sure.
Secretary Manning has gone on a sea
voyage, but he threw up his position be-
for he started. He had that advantage of
the ocean at any rate.
| Cinnamon in eastern cities are so
frequently stoned by the hoodlums that
they never can be prevailed upon to sing
Crock Me to Sleep"
"Ah, Jones, whereaway so fast this
morning?" I'm off for the whaling
grounds" He was the district school
master on his way to the schoolhouse. :
An exchange says that in Bronson.
Mich, sportsmen kill big pickerel with
clubs in the bitches at the sides of the
streets. This is the kind of sportsnen
they have out west perhaps.
| Even the fish are observing Lent by
| keeping in retirement out of society.
That is why they are so scarce and conse-
quently SO high.
In a recent interview General SchofieId
| said there were dark days ahead for army
officers, meaning that with no wars, and
hence few deaths, promotion would be
slow. That is really too bad. Our SYM
pathles are with TIE poor fellows without
prospects in life. But how would it do
for some of them to resign and try work
| ing for a living? The country would
| try to worry along without them.
| Edward Payson Weston, the father of
long distance walking, has again returned
to journalism, his original occupation,
, and he is now the member of the staff
of one of the morning papers of New
| York.
1t IS said that quite number of u. S.
senators have mush as a favorite dish for
lunch. That may account for the char
acter of a great deal that is done by the
senate.
Glass in American history. Teacher
"Why did the north and south engage in
civil war;" Johnny Smartboy-"S that
the generals could write magazine war pa
psrs about it," Teacher-"Right Go to
the head and stay there for the rest of
the term"
There to be no more sunrise and
sunset guns at the government forts, for
the appropriation for powder has given
out. The poor old sun won't know when
to rise or to set.
1t is all very we'll to talk about mind
reading, but the thing that should be en-
couraged is newspaper reading.
| Why is a watch dog larger at night
than he is in the morning? Because he
| 10 iOe ouo oO uiShu Gnu tdhou III III Iue
morning.
poultry authority says ''hens will lay
certain number of eggs in year." Our
experience is that they will lay an uncer-
| tain number.
| A correspondent wants to know the
meaning of "Pro Bono Publico" Il,
majority of cases, it means that the writ
er who thus signs his newspaper COM
nunication is chronic GROWER.
Manners-In the dining room of re-
spectacle society it is not considered
correct to put your fingers into the plate
before you. But at church, into the plate
that is set before you, all are expected
to put their aims.
A precocieus youth, prompted by an
unpleasant recollection of the last term,
says that school teachers are like dogs:
'They lick your hands" This carries
off the palm.
Somebody wants to know what became
of the raven Noah sent out of the ark,
since the dove which he sent out later
returned because she found "no rest for
the sole Of her foot" Perhaps the raven
was drowned for saying "Neuermore." q
| Steel guns of the largest caliber will
| only SGauO IUO rOuaQS. a1C6r that they
must be condemned. A plain man of
ordinary calibre will stand from $4,000
to 10000 rounds. This illustrates natures
superiority over art.
'This is one of the silent watches of
the night" remarked Fangle, as he look
ed at his timepiece on arising this morn
ing, and found it had stopped at IL p. m.
contemporary says: "Blue birds and
caterpillars are warbling and basking in
Bethlehem" We never.heard caterpillar
MARBLE, but shouldn't think it was as sweet
a singer as the bluebird.
Pat-"Yes sir; I seed Their accident me-
silf." Reporter-"Was the!engineer in
toxlcated?" Pat-"WelI sir dunno-when
l seed him breath had entoirely left his
body, so [ cudn't smell it, bedad.
! If the last trump should sound, above
the uproar of a crashing universe would
resound the voice of Virgins cry
| ing out: II told you So"
| Mr.. Mantumamaker authorizes the
| statemen th 4t at tha time be paI1 c100