Salt Lake evening Democrat. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1885-1887, 1887-06-08
WHEN man begins to pay taxes, he
begins to respect the government.
American Titles.

When this Republic was founded, one
relic of. its old monarchical allegiance
was preserved, namely, a use of honorary
titles. We no longer had Majesty to
bow to, SO we revered an Excellency.
There were no Serene Highnesses to
to whom one could pay court; no Most
Mobiles and High Mighties and Lordships
and Ladyships to compose an aristocracy
which should patronize the remainder of
the commonwealth, SO We Jumped our
superior beings under the general head
OF honorables. The use OF these titles
has generated into abuse, and the princi-
pie of giving aristocratic handles to the
names of our plebeians is inconsistent
with the idea of absolute equality. Jerry
McGuf, for instance, gets into the Legis
lature. 1t will not do to inquire too
closely how he does it, but he gets there.
He is mixed up in all the deals, the
jobs, the swindles that he can get into;
he is criminal, unintelligent, and in
capable; it is at cost of public honor
and public money that he keeps in his
place. Well, what then? At the end of
year he returns to his ward with money
enough to start liquor saloon, and he
is "the Honorable Jerry McGuff" from
IL.
Dor, his superior mentally and morally,
goes to his grave as plain John Smith,
known to his friends as John, to his boss
as Smith, and is not so much as
"Mister"-a term devoid of present
meaning, though corruption of the
Master" that implied adult coalition
and capacity in profession or trade. The
"Honorables" of New York City, could
they be collected and exhibited, would
be found 70 include 50 many dishonor-
able people that Suspicion would rest on
almost any man who should urge its
usage for himself. Esquire is
another tag appended to the names
Of many who have not earned
1t. The Catholic Church maintains
in this country the monarchic titles of
its temporal power. His Eminence and
His Grace have an unpleasant sound in
the democratic ear. But the acme of
| titular exploitation is reached in our
| benefit societies. To read the names of
| the reception committee at dance of
the Combined Brotherhood of Mutual
| Honeyfuglers, or of vice-presidents at
| twenty-five cent concert given under the
auspices of the Protective Beneficial
Order of Latchkey Owners, would lead
one to suppose that when one of these
favored gentlemen landed at Fulton
Ferry the Twenty-sixth ward would tip
| up. Solomon in all his glory was never
| the owner of SO many names. 1t is
nothing unusual for small shop-keeper
who is called, "Hullo, Schmitzenber 'er,"
in the daytime, to bloom forth III the
night with red and green ribbons and
blue rosettes and gold badges on him,
clutching scepter of power AMI WELD
ing it over a group of abject
initiates who are taught to adj
dress him as The Most Sublime
| and Right Worthy Ruler. How he can
endure to continue in the grocery busi-
ness after night of such exaltation is
not to be thought out. The little dry
goods clerk who doesn't dare to ask his
| landlady for a second plate OF hash or
his employer for an afternoon off, lords
it over sixteen or eighteen subjects on
lodge night and is called Supreme Die
tator. When one of these societies meets
in the evening in a 20xl5 temple on the
fourth floor above a hardware shop, The
Grand Lord of the Door Knob announces
that there are no spies or traitors in the
house, the password "Rats !" Is solemnly
VIII spered by each in turn to The Most
Noble Custodian of Secret Significance,
the names are called by The Grand
Master of the Rolls, The Most Excel
lent First Solicitor of Dues reports
to the Most Exalted and Puissant Au-
tocrat that there is deficit of $1.78
and that the landlord wants his rent, the
lodge authorizes the Most Excellent First
Solicitor of Dues to make up the deficit,
A., Nar,, Nobla oaI Tbie1 Ae
sistant Autocrat is called on for some re-
marks on the rise and growth and beau
ties of the order; then, if there are no
candidates to have fun with, the lodge
goes down the street and the Worthless
and Excellencies and Supremacles and
Exaltednesses and Puissances play
poker and drink beer with the common
herd with an affecting graciousness.
Commonly, the people who consent to
wear these names are full grown and
possess an average share of wit, yet their
parade of titles is exactly akin to the
wearing of paper epaulets and wooden
swords by children. 1t is piece of poor,
silly vanity, delight in empty sound,
tolerance OF disparities that is ridiculous.
| If these names were the invention OF
little boys or of people of manned intel
lects they would be appropriately
parented, but they are reputed to come
from reasoning men, and custom has
sanctioned their perpetuity. Many of
these societies are maintained for
worthy purpose and do great deal of
good, but for the chairman, secretary,
treasurer and doorkeeper to give them
selves titles bigger than those of Oriental
despots is the height of the absurd. Yer
bal decorations of that sort are so cheap
that right thinking men are ashamed to
wear them.-Brooklyn Eagle.