The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1887-04-07
THE OLD cuRMuDoEoN.
NJ. Quad Writes About Curious Char
acter Well Known to Every Body.


acter Well Known to Every Body.
You have seen people who seemed to
ache all over to make some one un-
happy? just such an old curmudgeon
was on the train the other day when it
stopped at st. Thomas, and bridal
couple entered our car. We all knew
it was bridal couple, because there
were friends down to see 'em of, and
the bride and groom stood there and
received the congratulations for four or
five minutes. The bride looked bit
older than the groom, and the minute
the old curmudgeon noticed this he
slid over and planked himself in the
seat ahead of them, and after minute
or two turned and said:
"Beg pardon, but can you tell me
who's funeral that was back there?"
'.Why, there was no funeral!' ex-
claimed the bride, in answer.
'.Oh! l thought there was, he said,
in dry. sarcastic way, and he pre-
tended to read his paper for three or
four minutes before turning again
with:
care you taking your son to the sea-
shore, ma'amP''
mo, sir. This is my husband!''
"Oh, it is? I'd never have suspect
ed itr'
Then he went on for a quarter of an
hour. telling about farm he owned
in Canada, and then suddenly in
qnired:
young man, I'd like to have you
and your aunt go and see the farm and
make me an offer for it.
The bridal couple turned white and
red and let go of hands for moment,
while the old curmudgeon changed the
subject and began to talk about Mag
ara Falls.
'.Ever there?" he asked.
Both shook their heads.
'.I'd advise you to stop off if you
have time. It's grand sight. 1 sup.
pose, though, you want to arrive a,
the same time with the body. What
did he die of, ma amp"
"I-I don't understand your she
stammered, in a painful way.
''Oh, beg pardon, I somehow got il
into my head that you had been to {
funeral, or were going to one, OF some
such thing''
| He then related the particulars of /:
smash-up on the road in which he had
an arm broken and his wife was killed
and added:
| 1.-The case is in court yet, but I'v,
lost my marriage certificate and cam
prove she was my wife and don't eN
pect to get any damages. 1 thinl
understand you to say, ma'am, tina
you have been married fourteen
yearsP"
"Oh, no! no! sirr'
'.Beg pardon, but perhaps it is onl,
nine or ten. What was going to sa,
was that you ought to sacredly pre-
serve the certificate. I suppose yo,
have it with you?''
Bride and groom looked at eacl
other in CONSERVATION. The documen
hadn't been thought of in their hurr
and happiness.
''Was reading of case the lothe
day." placidly continued the oil
wretch, where hotel-keeper had
couple sent to prison for two years be
cause they could not show marriag
certificateI'
The bride turned so red that
seemed as if she would suffocate, an
the groom so white that his ear
looked like new blotting pads. Tha
was the last straw. Five or six of u
had been holding an indignation meet
ing few seats back, and our delegate
who had whipped his seventh man i
the prize-ring, now went forward an
whispered in the old curmudgeon's lei
ear:
"Say, mister man, you let that coupl
alone or I'll break your neck! Thi
thing has been carried far enoughr'
"Certainly-certainly," said ol
meanness. as he got up. Excuse mt
ma'am-and you, bub-and if 20
should have any trouble with the corps
in Buffalo, don't fail"
| The delegate choked him off thel
and took him to the last seat in the Ca
and jammed him down and warne
him to stay jammed, and such looks
relief as stole over the faces of th'
bridal couple I never expect to sc
again on earth.-Detroit Free Press.
!,