Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1887-12-21

Yanks had caved, some derned greenhorl
let his gun go off behind ne and shot me il
the heel"
didn't say anything.
| MIR. and Mrs. Bowser.
! We heat our house with coal.stoves. l
isn't the best and most convenient way, bu
when Mr.. Bowser was building the hous'
he got an idea that furnace heat warped oil
the woodwork. and that steam was . dan
gerous and sinister enemy. A few day
ago. when it was time TO put up base-burn
eIs, he said to me:
.sMrs. Bowser, do you know what makes
heat ?''
Goal and wood, suppose"
"Has combustion anything to do withit %
81 suppose So"
"Don't you know So? If not, why don't
you fiud out? There is no excuse for
ignorance in this day of the world. II COM
bustion causes heat what naturally fol.
lows?'
SIT naturally follows that it does"
"Yes, and it naturally follows that you
don't know enough to come in when it rains!
I was going to talk to you ab,ut the pur-
chase of coal-stove-two or three of them,
but it would be useless. Some minds can't
compI ehend anything beyond an old crazy
quilt and q bias-eyed baby /"
II know a coal stove when / see it, Mr..
Bowser!'
"Oh! you do =? What is the principle-the
great fundamental principle-of a base
buIner?'
"Wby, you put in the coal, and the fire
heats the ROOM"
"Uml Very smart What causes the
coal to burn?"
ssThe fire.
s'Mrs. Bowser ?'' he said in his most
solemn manner, s'it was a good thing you
married me! Ifyou hadn't you would nev-
or have known sand pile from a circus
Don't yon kuow-tbat is, can't make you
mprehend-that there must be draughts
hues, checks, over-currents, under currents,
combustion, anti combustion, cogs, ratch-
cts, shakers, dumps and dozen other things
about a base -burner-such base burner as
we want? If we have perfect combustion
what follows ?"
"We-we are glad"
"Oh, we are! WELL it's no use to waste
further words on you! If you were widow
you'd rush off and buy the fist base burner
you set eyes on, and you'd never give a
thought as to whether it consumed three or
thirteen tons of coal for the winter. shall
purchase such stoves as l see fit."
They came up in a day or two, three of
'em. One was for the sitting room, anoth-
er for the hall, and the third was to go up
stairs. A man came along to put them up
and start the fires. He showed me abont
the dampers and checks, and when Mr..
B,wser came home everything was bright
and cheerful, and the stoves had not given
me moments uneasiness.
"Who started these fires?" demanded Mr..
Bowser, almost before be had crossed the
threshold.
"Why the man who put up the stoves. !"
---ssEe did, eh ? And what does he know
about starting fire in coal stove, I'd like
to know. He ought to be discharged for
his assurance"
s'He seemed to know all about it,"
"Well, seeming to know and knowing
are two very different things. 1t is good
thing I arrived as did, or the house would
have been blown up or burned down. Let
me at the stove"
And he began showing aud pulling at the
doors and checks and hampers in the sit
ting room stove and then went the rounds
of the house.
sThe combustion was hardly ten per
cent" as he went back to the sitting
room. "while the waste of fuel was fully
ninety. Didn't you notice the imperfect
circulation Of the hoe air current -
"No, dear.'
That's because you never notice any
thing until you hit it with your nose. I
have everything nicely regulated now, and
want to see you have got brains enough
to"
'sMr. Boweer, the gas is leaking Can't
you smell itT' l interrupted.
sit must be-" he replied as ho sniffed
around; aud he at once made tour of the
house, Before be had got back l had to
opsn the door, and baby was deathly sick.
sit must be coal gas from the stove, Mr..
Bowser, see how blue this fame is. Are
you sure it is regulated ?''
81 am sure that 1 am a human being,
instead of goat ~ he indignantly ex-
claimed, s'There's a dead cat in this
house.
/ However, we had to throw the Windows
up, aud the question settled itself before
we had flushed supper. Each fire went
dead out and the oder abated.
s'You see, you shut off all the draughts, +"
ventured to observe as Mr.. Bowser got
down on his knees to peer around.
81 did, eh Maybe didn't know how to
i
see what's the matter"
He fixed the shaker and began shaking,
and inside of ten seconds, he had dumped
the fire-pot.
After an hours work he started the
fire anew, but it refused to burn. He
rushed around talking about combustion,
currents. vacuum and so on, and when /
told hun to drop the damper and open the
draughts he fairly left his feet as he re-
piled
"Never Never I'll knock the blasted
thing in the head with the axe first"
From Z until 10 O clock that evening Mr..
Bowser was engaged in pouring coal into
the feeders, dumping it out of the fire pots
and scattering it all over the house, and
we finally went to bed in the cold. He de-
clared that the chimneys were choked up,
the stoves constructed on wrong principles,
and the coal full of slate, and when he left
the house in the morning it was with the
assertion
"I'll send boiler-maker up here to look
those Internal things over. don't believe
the f1ues are large enough to furnish the
proper pressure.
When he had departed, cook and l soon
had every fire lighted and burning nicely,
and we hadn't touched the stoves again.
When Mr.. Bowser came up to dinner, he
made an inspection of each stove, came
back to the sitting room with self-satis-
fed smile on his face, and giving baby a
chuck under the chin said to me
"Mrs. Bowser, let this be great moral
lesson to you to cultivate the virtue of per-
severance. Suppose had given up This
fight in despair and Acknowledged that /
couldn't run coal stove? What sort of
a picture would this house have present.
ed to-day?"
my love, what magic spell is thrown
e. O L..