Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-07-14
WIT AND HUMOR.

Macon Telegraph.
The lobby must 90. Yes, but it
will go for the corporation that com
mands the most money! Teas Sift-
| ings.
| Jones-I say, Smith, have you got
change for tenner? Smith-Cer-
tainly, old fel. Jones-W Well, er just
lend me five.-Judge.
A woman woke her husband during
the storm the other night and said:
Il do wish you would stop snoring,
for | want to hear it thunder. - tdgo
! Witness
Bunco steerer-Isnt this Mr. Smith
of Smithville? Stranger-No: I'm
Mr.. Keely of Philadelphia Bunco
steerer moves off in great haste -
NeU York SIN.
Don't quarrel, keep cool be good to
everybody, laugh and grow fat, and
you'll get through the summer better
! than to 90 to summer reSort.-LdR-
caster Examiner.
! Collector am losing q great deal
of time trying to collect this bill from
you. Debtor-Don't worry about los
ing time. | am going to pay you in
time. TEXAS SJtjags.
Brown Grading from paper) MAN
killed by an orange seed. Susie b
Amt you afraid to have Johnny eat
this orange? It's the last one there is.
too.-NeO Hauea NeoOs.
1t is an old story, but worth remem-
boring. The Quaker's consideration
for his better half: ''All the world is
| queer excepting thee and me, and thee
is a little queer. Philadelphia Call.
When the irreIgious man goes to
the telephone he usually says 'sHel-
lor' When he comes away from the
| telephone he is very apt to turn the
expression around the other way
Sonaerville Journal.
Big Leader (of the Knights of Labor
| to wife)-Do you know what shall do
if we don't have fine day for our
demonstration? Big Leaders Wife
(wearilD| suppose you'll boycott
the weather.-Neat York San.
Clerk at a Buffalo hotel (to stran-
ger)-Don't you blow out the gas
Well, of the two it is the easiest death.
Clerk breathes hard and doesn' t ask for
an explanation, -P5ttsburg Dispatch.
He was ''jewel" when she married
him. Six months later he was her
''gem. When the matter came up in
the divorce trial two years after, she
explained that g. e. N. stood for green
eyed monster Washington critic.
II cannot understand, my dear, why
it is that YOU, who have such an excel
lent man for husband, should quar-
rel with him so often" Don't YOU?
Well, it's because he always brings me
home a present at night to make up.
See?"-Judge.
Pupson had been interviewing the
Governor on financial matters Pup
son Sr.-Ah, Charles, Charles! 1t is
too bad. Your wild course will drive
me to an untirnely grave. Pupson Jr.
(fervently) father, no. That is
impossible ToaO1 Topics.
A Connecticut youth is regarded as
insane because he talks about nothing
but baseball and knows just how each
game is going to turn out. This test
is probably too rigid. According to it
there are at least 100, 900 lunatics in
Philadelphia Philadelphia Press.
A lady in Birmingham wrote to a
lady friend in Montgomery to come up
and spend Il week with her. Among
the other inducements held out she
offered this: on can sit at my front
window and see seven funerals 90 by
every day. Montgomery Ala.) Adver-
tiSer.
Attorncy-You may tell the court
whether you would believe the de-
| PENDANT under oath. Witness Well,
now, Squire, let's start fair in this
thing. Would there be chance for
him to make anything out of it, and
which side would the money be on?-
PSttsburg Dispatch.
Mrs. Snagg-I see thatyoung George
Gould has saved $1,000,0O0 since he
got married" Mr.. Snagg That's ca
| silly explained. ''How?" 'sMrs.
| Gould's father gave her a spring bon
net on her wedding day and her hus-
band didn't have to buy her one. .
Pittsburg Telegraph.
1t is easier for a young man to be-
come great baseball player than to
be elected President of the United
States, and, besides, the former posi-
ton pays about as well, all things con-
sidered and he has great deal more
fun in it and quite as much honor. =
| Philadelphia Inquirer.
"a Transcription of Bonnie
Doom" said Mary, reading from the
title of her latest piece of music.
what is a transcription, papa?" "a
transcription, my dear" replied papa,
| sis composition in which the tune is
lost in the process of spelling the
music. boston Transcript.
My dear, if you don't quit annoy
ing me, II shall really have to move
to Mexico" said Washington man to
his wife the other day. what good
would that do, I'd like to know?"
'sThere is law there compelling
males, and males only, to wear panta-
looms. . Washington Critic.
John, wish you'd rock the baby"
'.What'll / rock the baby for?" BE
cause he's not very well; and what's
more, half of him belongs to you and
you should not object to rocking him."
well, don't half belong to you?"
Yes" We'll, you can rock your half
and let nv half holler "-Puck.