Little Falls transcript. [volume] (Little Falls, Morrison County, Minn.) 1876-1894, 1887-01-28
Mr.. AND MRS. BoWsER..

How Meek MI. ,. Trlunp nphed over He,
Ambitious and Learned Lord. s{s9f%
i Mr.. Bowseris a great man to '.breaks
,out in spots.''!' The other evening, aftel
|he had lighted a cigar and got his feet
!braced on the mantel, he suddenly OBJ
SERVED: 9s,,-= =~. @ u. >I.
"Mrs. Bowser, has it never occurred
ito you to call me JudgeP'' !:
J "Never!' promptly replied, for he
had complained of the biscuit at supper.
"Nor Colonel?" =.
"Now =:
"While>I could probably have gone
Ito the Supreme Bench, or been com.
missioned Colonel" he softly con-
ftinued, II did not care for the honor.
| am not one, Mrs. Bowser, to clutch at
titles in order to lift myself up, but I
didn't know but it might please you to
be known as Mrs. Judge Bowser."
81 don't want the title.'
Every well, Mrs. Bowser. If you
have no care for social distinction I'm
sure I haven't. If your ambition is to
plank yourself in the house with that
wall-eyed baby and pay no attention to
the demands Of society I might as we'll
join another LODGE :
l felt bit conscience-stricken over
the way had acted, and after awhile /
went out and told the cook to call him
Judge when she came in with the last
scuttle of coal. When she came she
managed to bump him to give her an
excuse for saying: ''Excuse me, Con-
! stable-excuse mei'
There was a solemn silence for five
! minutes after she left the room. Then
! Mr. Bowser observed:
"Perhaps,, on the whole, Mrs. Bow
, ser, it would be as well not to attempt
to call me by any title. Hired help is
so stupid, you know
On late occasion, as our fireside was
a scene of peace and happiness, Mr.
Rowser softly remarked:
Mrs. Bowser, whenever it comes
handy you'd better throw out hints to
your lady friends that you we're edu-
Gated abroad"
"Why?"
swell, it will increase their respect
for you.'
But was educated in the little red
schoo? house at Perryville, you know,
! and have never been out of the State.''
':Don't talk so loud, as Jane may be
/ listening! I told friend only the
other day that l was educated abroad,
and had been through all the art gal
! leries of Europe -
"What place did YOU say you studied
Zanzibar"
"Why, my dear, that's in Africa!''
"It is! Now that shows what you
know! Zanzibar is in Germany. Mrs.
Bowser, don't want to crow over you
on the subject of education, but when
you display such lamentable ignorance
Of geography have to feel glad that
my school days were not wasted.'
II say it's in Africa!''
"Mrs. Bowser!'''
! "And I'll prove it by my atlas!' =.
'1f you do I'll give you fifty dollars
in cash!"
I got out the atlas, and there, over
on the east coast of the Dark Continent
was Zanzibar, as every school-child
knows.
"I'll take that fifty" quietly re.
marked.
"No, you won't! Some fool. Of a map
maker has gone and got drunk and
mixed things up, and I'm not going to
i pay for it. When I know that Zanzi-
bar is in Germany know it just as we'll
as the atlas or anybody else.'' =
'Did this friend of yours ask you
what old master you preferred?"
''Yes, ma'anl, and was posted there,
too. You may think go sloshing
around with both eyes shut and my
tongue hanging out, Mrs. Bowser, but
that's where you are dead lame. I told
| him l,ongfeller."
"Mr. Bowser!''
"What now! You don't spose
said Sam Patch or Buffalo Bill, do
your
"But Longfellow was not painter at
all, he was poet.
He drew in his breath until his face
was as red as a beet, and he jumped up
and down and hourished his arms like
a windmill, and finally got voice to
| roar out:
! "I'll bet you nine hundred thousand
lrS0 Ill 10 ~ y
back comb in your hair! Mrs. Bowser,
such assumption and assurance on your
part is unbearable!''
"Jane may hear YOU
"Jane be hanged, and you, too! Mrs.
Bowser, l demand an apology for this
insult!''
:: ::Wait till prove that Iongfellow
! was not an artist, but a poet.''
"I'n give you million dollars if you
do it, .s
J, :. Igot down the volume of poems by
Longfellow which Mr. Bowser had
given me year before, and then Iwen,
to the encyclopedia and made a tight
case Oh him. He was at first inclined
to give in, but directly he struck the
table such. a blow that baby screamed
out, and then shouted: 4 -;
Il II " Il see how it is! You are. looking
for Longfellow all the time, and I dis
stinctly stated that it was Long teller
# the printers have got drunk and LEFT
the name out am / to b1ame?'' vs.
# "Mr. Bowser, I believe I will say !,
was educated abroad. e will do It t
please you. Z ]. 3s| .s.s :...... y.
i@. I. Oh! you will! Wen, you needn'
doany thing 81 the kind! Folks would
! all know By your freckles that you sa