The state chronicle. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 1883-1893, 1887-01-13
DOSSEY BATTLE.
Gives Legislators Plain Talk About 7 he
Dogs.

lSpeclal Cor. STATE CHRONICLE.
TARBoRo, n. c., Jan. 5, 1eS6.-Your
card requesting from me an answer on the
subject: What the Legislature should or
should not do, has been received
1t is a cOnundrum, seemingly simple
but an absolute sumner.
| have never been able to fathom the
mighty luminousness Of the average legis-
lative mind, and | can't, al my time of
life, go into the fathoming business.
The heartless, cruel carper might say
they should meet, call the roll, organize,
promptly vote themselves mileage and per
diem, and at once adjourn.
The State might thus save much reve-
nue. at minimum cost. No sane man Will
entertain the least notion they will do
anything of the kind.
For this they did not guzzle red deye"
with thirsty constituents during the dog
day campaign. For this they did not
swap slobber with dirty faced brats. For
this they did not promise every star in the
armament that hangs above Us to some
voter or another.
No, no, gentle editor, they will not do
this, They amt built that way.
They will not tax dogs.
No, they wont touch dog with a forty
foot pole, though forty-foot high. ten
foot steel wall lay between them at one
end and the dog at the other end of the
pole. They are afraid they would never
poll another vote. They are not sheep
faced men, though lamb-like and bland.
Not they.
Dog on the man who would insinuate
the mild Impeachment.
On this subject they are dogmatic and
|-s<~aa. ..i-~,saip ia she mat for 1ns dog COM
Portable repose. They worship at the
shrine of caninity. The sacred animal is
held high In honorable Legislative esteem.
Wool growers ma, fill the air with fur,
They worship still at shrine OF cur.
Slaughtered sheep may strew the ground
arOunG.
Our statesmen love the rapacious hound.
They may not make mountains out of mice,
Yet their hearts adore the festive flee
Though thrice panopled III mango be the
snarling, egg-sucking, bench legged, sheep
killing, yourf friend biting, hydrophobic,
poverty stricken, cowardly cur, yet that
coat of mango in Legislative esteem is "a
halo more luminous than the aurora bore
alis and significant of gl rious dog hood.
No, amiable Faber-shoyer, lay not the
fiattering JUNCTION to your soul that the
assembled statesmen will tackle-or tax
kle, if you prefer the spelling mighty
monster with forty foot pole.
He is their polar star.
This may account for the presence of
the lactial fluid in the tropical fruit.
Oh, noble dog, thy days are counted,
Like unto leaves in yahambroSa,
On high pedestal thou art mounted
OF wise statesmen the supreme boss DER.
Had the pen of Bill Nye, or were Bill
nigh, might do the subject Justice.
But, quick, l faint. deluge me. help me
cuss the ugly canine customers.
But hold, thy pardon noble brute!
For did not Byrons fancy
Poetic power to thee impute:
What shall another man say.
Did not Irving old Rip Vans cur,*
In fame as immortal keep?
Why should this writer cast a slur
Because he affects a sheep?
DOSSEY BATTLE.
*You know Washington Irving named
Rip Van Winkle's dog Wolfe. therefore
it may be sapiently observed that he put a
Wolfe in Sleeps clothing. Do you catch
on