Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1887-06-15
SOME FUSNY SAYINGS.
Remarks that arc Rather Dubious

An aiderman's wife, overt;.ken by a
heavy shower OF rain, took refuge in a
.hop. and proceeded TO make few pur-
rhases. ssYou seem very quiet to-day, u
she said to a newly-engaged shopman,
who was very attentive and obliging.
"You are generally so very busy.
"Oh. gracious. madam" was the reply,
'Iust look at the weather. What res.
pectable lady would venture out OF
coors on day like thisI"
Similarly ambiguous are some oil tl1'
sneakers in the following incidents. A
pompous physician said to PATIENTS
wife: "Why did you delay sending for
me until he was out of his mind?' ~,
1octor.n replied the wife, "while he
was in his right mind he wouldn't let
me send for YOU"
Another doctor said to his wife:
"You see. dear, L have pulled the pa
tient through after all; very critical
case, l can tell you" ~ es, dear
hubby" was the answer; "but then you
are so clever in your profession. All, II
I had only known you five years earlier!
[ feel certain my first thusband-my poor
Robert-would have been saved"
To turn from doctors to clergymen.
One Sunday. as q certain minister was
returning homeward, he was accosted
| by an old woman, who said: ~, sir,
well do | like the day that you preach. J"
| The minister was aware that ne was
not very popular, and he answered:
''My good woman, L am glad 10 near IL.
There are too few like you. And why
do YOU like when l preach. ~, sir,
she replied, "when you preach always
get good seat"
A crooked compliment was once paid
a German young lady who said: "Herr
Lieutenant. if you don't at once cease
your batteries shall have TO hold both
NV ears shut" 'My adorable fraulein,
answered the officer, your pretty little
hands are far too small for that
Every soIry, sir, saida young beauty
at ball; am already engaged. hope
you are not very disappointed!" SO,
dear no. miss; quite the contrary" was
the unexpected reply of the gentleman.
A case of mistaken gallantry occurred
in Italy. so Signorina," exclaimed a
dandy, ''if it be true that man descends
from the monkey, how beautiful that
monkey must have been from whom
you descended"
''And what do you think OF the en-
gagement-ring | sent you, Jennle!' IN
quired a lover tenderly. Jennie an
swered in delighted tones. ''Oh, 1t is
beautiful-in fact the handsomest one l
ever had given me"
At a wedding breakfast, the groom
remarked to little girl: You have a
new brother now, you know" "1 eth, !"
responded the little one; INA seth IL
was Lottie's last chance, so she'd better
take it,"
"Now tell me, Ethel" said a goyer-
ness, "what letter comes after Z"
"Please, Miss Parker, / don't know"
"What have l got by the side OF my
nose?" asked the goyerness. "a lot OF
powder" was Miss Ethel's startling
reply.
"Here, my dear husband," said a
loving wife, Il have brought you lit
tie silver pig for luck; its charm you
know, dear, to bring happiness to a
house" "Ah! how kind of you, dar-
lingl But why should l need little
pig to bring me luck, when 1 have you
s.illln
An awkward compliment recently
rather disturbed the harmony Of we'd
diTg breakfast given by a substantial
farmer blessed with five daughters, the
eldest being the bride. y neighboring
young farmer. who was honored with
an invitation, thinking, no doubt, he
ought to say something smart and COM
plimentary upon the event, addressing
the bridegroom said: ''Well, you have
got the pick of the batch!r The coun-
tenances of the four unmarried ones
NAV be imagined.