The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1887-09-24
Wrong Things at the Wrong Time.

And, though sure OF repr0bat0n,
Ye would steal ere ye would die!
Wrong Things at the Wrong Time
On the impulse of the moment per.
sons says things which, after reflection,
they would rather not have said. But
its out, and in the language of Bos:
Tweed: 'What are you going to dc
about it p
Numerous instances occur to all oi
us when we find ourselves to have said
things that were entirely out of place.
Sometimes the slip of the tongue is
very unfortunate, as when one woman
at an evening company said to another
to whom she had just been introduced
do you see that gentleman over there,
the handsome fellow twisting his nous
tache? He's been watching me all the
evening and making eyes at me.
think ne must be smitten. Do you
known who he is?' Eyes, he is my
husband was the reply.
One hardly knows how to get out o.
these scrapes which an unintentiona
remark get one into. Imagine the un
comfortable condition Of some lady
visitors going through a penitentiary
under the escort of the superintendent
When they came to room in which
three women were sewing-'Dear me
whispered one of the visitors, 'What
vicious looking creatures Pray, what
are they here for?' Because they
have no other home. This is our sit.
ting-room, and they are my wife and
two daughters blandly answered the
superintendent.
1t is told of a German singer who
had taken part in concert and after.
wards being introduced to gentleman
that asked how he liked her duet
you sang charmingly, madame
But why did you select such horrible
piece of music?' 'Sir, that was written
by my late husband = 'Ah, yes, oi
course, did not mean-But why did
you select such cow to sing with your
'Ach HimmeL, that is my present hus
band i
Intended compliments turn out just
the opposite, as when Smith said
Now, do let me propose you as mem
ber.' 'But suppose they blackball me ?
replied Brown. Pooh Absurd !
Why, my dear fellow, there's not q
man in the club that knows you even !
One lady, very desirous of conceal
ing the awful fact that she is the same
age as her husband, observed to viSi'
tor: my husband is forty; there are
just five years between us. is it posi-
ble?' was the ungarded reply of hel
friend, Il give you my word, you look
as young as he does.
AS unexpected must have been the
reply of the husband whose wife said
you have never taken me to the Gem
etery.' mo, DEAR he answered, that
is a pleasure 1 have yet in anticipa'
tion.'
At an evening party in Cork, lady
said to her partner: 'Can you tell me
who that exceedingly plain man is sit
ting opposite to us2' THAT is my
brother 20, I beg your PARDON sh'
replied, much confused Il had no
noticed the resemblance
1t is related of a portrait painter that
having recently painted the portrait o
lady, critic who had just dropped
in to see what was going on in th'
studio, exclaimed 1T is very nicely
painted, but why did you take such al
ugly model?' 1T is my mother, calm
ly replied the artist. 20, pardon,
thousand times!' from the critic II
| confusion. you are right; | ought tt
have perceived it. She resembles yo'
completely
A rather different meaning from the
one conveyed was intended by the Ole
lady who said to her friends: 'Nt
man was better calculated to judge o
pork than my poor husband was. III
knew what good hogs were, for he hat
been brought up with 'em from hi
childhood .
The Orientals are noted for thei
good manners, but they are not abov'
marring their politeness by an occasion
al speech apropos of the subject in hand
Some European ladies passing through
Constantinople, paid visit to a GER
tain high Turkish functionary. The hos
offered them refreshments, including
great variety of sweetmeats, always
taking care to give one of the ladies
double the quantity he gave to the
others. Flattered by this marked atten
ton, she put the question, through the
interpreter: 'Why do you serve me
more literally than the resta' Because
you have larger mouth was the
straightforward reply.
AT a friends dinner table one day
lady said something that found mark
the archer little meant. There were
several strangers present, and in re-
sponse to remark made about GER
tain lady of a certain age, the fail
guest in question exclaimed: why
good gracious she is as old as the hills |!
and could not imagine in the least what
had caused the general CONSERVATION
She did little later, however, when i
was explained to her that two maider
sisters at table, whose names she die
not catch in the introduction, wer'
called Hill, and were extremely sensi
tive on the subject of age.
An alderman's wife, overtaken by
a heavy shower of rain, took refuge il
shop, and proceeded to make fev
purchases. 'You seem very quiet to
day. she said to a newly engaged shop
man, who was very attentive and oblig
ing. you are generally so yer
busy ooh, gracions, madam wa
the reply, 'just look at the weather
What respectable lady would ventur