News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21

1CSe1 Responsible 1Of any losses IL the IN
vestigation showed that the railroad was
in fault. ''Where were you hurt 2" add
ed the official, sympathetically. ST
wasn't hurt at all, only I got an awful
scare, was the answer. Chow much
were you scared? What sum would you
feel would compensate you?" s'Weu,
say about s25, answered the complain,
ant. Doubtless his claim was immedi-
ately entered and the man congratulate
ed on his extraordinary business sagaci-
ty. 1t is a good thing to know the
financial value Of an awful scare.-BostOn
Post.
A RECONCILIATION.
The Israelites have a day of reconcilia-
ton, on which it is customary for those
who have hard feelings to shake hands
over the bloody chasn. Nose Schaum-
burg and Ike Schwindelmeyer are rival
merchant princes on Austin avenue, and
have said some pretty hard things about
each other. They hate each other cor
daily, each one being very much in each
others way. On the day of reconcilia-
ton they happened to meet. 'To-day
vas dot reconciliation day." said Nose,
holding out his hand. Isaac took the
offered hand and said: 'EMoses, [ wishes
you all dose dings vat you wishes me"
"4ou wishes me all dose dings vat I
wishes you. So you wants to start dot
fuss again, eh? Wy don't you shoost
come out and say dot you wishes me pad
luck 3"-Teras S!ffti'1gs,
AN IDEA.
The ideas which some people have of
the purposes of churchgoing are very
|
who has lately been going to hear Mr.
Simmons, at the Unitarian, has sudden
ly announced that that must stop. 81
have always been accustomed" said he.
to review my business affairs of the
week during the service Sunday morn
ings. Somehow, I never got any other
so good an opportunity. Now, you
can't do that when Simmons is talking.
You have to listen. No, that is not the
kind of preaching for me. must quit. "
st. Pau Pioneer.
A STORY.
This is a story which a minister told
the other day at a fellowship meeting
not 1000 miles from Springfield: II
said to young woman who had been
| member of my congregation that I had
not seen her at church of late. She re-
piled that she had been kept at home
with her little boy, years old. 1 then
cordially invited her to bring him to
church -tltne4-IaeF- answer was:A'I
know that he would appreciate your
preaching now better than when he is
older p "-SprifGJfeld Republican.
HEADING BOBBY OFF.
Bobby Ito young Mr.. Featherly, o
guest at dinner)-Do you live on the top
floor of your boarding house, Mr..
Featherly2
Mr.. Featherly-No, Bobby, second
floor, front. Why7
Bobby Gndifferently)-Oh, nothing,
only when Pa an Clara came home from
the theatre last night they were saying
something about light in the upper
story, an as they were talking about
you, s'posed-"
Father-Robert, will you have another
piece of pie2
DISASTROUS CONSEQUENCES.
A high-spirited legislator who pre-
ferred walking home to the indignity of
being obliged to pay his fare, was &C
costed by tramp, who said:
''Behold the Jeffersonian equality to
which the Interstate Commerce bill has
brought us. Let us walk home together,
my brother. Have you any tobacco
about you1"
This was too Jeffersonian for the legis-
lator, who took the train at the next
station.-Iid Bits.
ARCHITECTURAL.
''Did you admire the Milan Cathe-
dral ?" asked Mr.. Jarvis Field of the
young lady from Chicago, who had just
returned from foreign shore.
$50 much,'' she replied, with her
mind more on the refreshment room
than on the querist "Who was it that
said that architecture was frozen pud-
ding7"
And the Harvard man shuddered as
if the ice cream had struck the nerves
of his nose.-B0st0n Bulletin.
CALL.
Clergymen are called upon for odd
services sometimes. A lady up town
consulted her pastor the other day upon
the trouble she had in her kitchen. He
said in reply that he thought there
would be better feeling between mis-
tress and maid if they prayed for one
another more. 81 am willing to be
prayed for" said the lady, ''but not to
be preyed upon. "-NesO York Ledger.
oBEYING THE MANDATE.
Gus-What business is Hendricks in,
Jack2
Jack-I think he is a walking dele
gate.
Gus-How so2
Jack-I was calling on his daughter
last night and he came in and ordered
me out.
Gus-Did you strike?
Jack-Yes-for honey. Y. Sun.
EVERYTHING GOES.
Young Housekeeper (imidly)-Isn'
fourteen cents rather high for turkey
am quite sure the price across the way
is only thirteen.
Butcher-With the feet on2
Young Housekeeper-N-no, I think
the feet are cut off.
Butcher with a superior smile)-I
thought SO, ma am; we sell it feet and
all.
SOMETHING NEW.
eff Mr. Garrett has really sold his
stock in the Baltimore and Ohio Rail
road the transaction is most singular
metamorphosis," observed the Snake !
Editor.
GLOW can sale be metamorpho- |.
sis ?" asked the Horse Editor.
cit converts Garrett into seller. -
PittSbWrg Chronicle.
AN EXPLANATION.
Mrs. De Boggs-"Have you heard
how Mrs. De Peyster-she that was Sal /
lie Van Cott-has received the degree |
of A. M. from Wellesley2"
Mrs. Waybacl-"No, [ haven't heard.
What does A. M. mean 2"
Mrs. De Boggs-"Why, it stands for
alma mater, Of course. Didn't you
know she had two children 2"-L!te.
TAKEN ON TRUST.
'My husband is very absent-minded /
man" said Mrs. Slowboy, "He very
often takes one thing for another"
81 know it." said Mr.. Badman; "I
saw him taking hot toddy last night,
and he said he took it for a cold, Bun
DETEn.