Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1887-01-12
RICHES VS.. HAPPINESS.
Hon. Skyfustus Ellington Ad-
dresses the Lirnekiln Club.
Tn" Great Orator Proves to Ills Own
Satisfaction That True Hsppiness Is
Worth More Than AZ; the Gold
Ever Dug from Earth
Detroit Free Press.I

0SSGm-
blaigc,'' said Brother Gardiner. as the
meeting opened, "dat de Hon. Skyfustus
Ellington, of New Orleans, am in de
aunty-room, an am waitin' to address us
on de subjeck of Riches VS.. Happiness.'
De Hon. SlSyfustus has addressed us befo'.
an it am needless TO 'splain to you dat ho
knows de bizness of oratory as well as q
boss doctor knows what aiIs a sick mule
he am rich in wisdom, 'sperienced in
philosophy, an has trabbled mo- miles on
freight trains dan any odder orator in do
world. Doorin' his address L desire de
silentest quietness. Any pusson found
guilty of frowing shucks around will be
sot down on wild terrible airnestness bcfo'
de lodge closes. De Recepshun Commit
tee VIII now escort de gem Ian inn
The committee left the hall for that pur-
pose, and soon reappcared in company with
the visitor While he was taking a drink
Of water and removing his neclxtie, collar
and suspenders the brethren had a pretty
good look at him. He sized up two stories
end basement, about forty-hve years old,
knees rather out OF true, feet which
wouldn't rattle around any in pair of No.
12's, and mouth built on purpose for
pumpkin pie. He bowed right and left to
all acquaintances, ascendel the platform
with skip, and at once began:
MY frens. what am riches! You can't
tell me. see by de blank 'spreshuns on
Your faces dat you can't Riches, my
frens, consists in being rich. If you am
rich you hain't poor. n you am poor YOU
hain't rich OATS bin my 'sfIsrience fur de
last fifty vars, an while it has cost me a
good deal of money am willin' to gin it to
You fur muffin. Suppressed excitement
over getting something for nothing We
hev seberal men in dis kentry worth more'n
twenty thousand dollars. Dey wallow in
riches, but what about deir happinessa Oar
must be some consolashun in bein' able 10
walk into grocery an tell dc grocer to
send up fifty pounds of bakin' powder an
millyon clothes-pins, but does dat rich
mcSdl sleep any sounder dat night den de
man who he's drank sxteen-cent tea fur
supper! OF Co'se he doan'! Like 'nuff he
dreams of dem VERY mIllyon clothes-pins
an in his dreams ne am towel on a
cloihesline an ebcry pin am tryin' to stick
him fast
my frens,' continued the speaker, as he
began to warm up to his work, ''de rich
man walks on velvet ca'pets, an he sots
down on stuffed cheers, an he has Saratoga
'taters cherry meal. He jist rolls in ham am
gS, an he walks all ober de fricasseed
Chicken. De poo man walks on bar foo.
wild de hides on. Yet who am de happiest2
Gu will say &c rich man, of co'se, but dat's
whar yer toes turn in. When night comes
de poo man has no fear o. burglars; do
newspapers hain't gwine ter pitch inter
him IN de mawnin; his wife hain't gwine to
'lopc off wild anybody; his son am not gwine
ter be spelled from college. He list sits
dar an eats snow apples an popco'n, an
contentment drips all ober him.
''De rich man wars broadclothr' contin-
ued the orator after getting away with an.
other drink, ''an' he rides in his keeridge.
an he goes to dc opera You envy him, bu.
what poo fules yoi asA! All de time he am
do.n' dis he an 'spccting dat de smallpox
viii break out in his family an take cherry
one Of 'en OF. De poo man goes afoot.
wars plain wooden, an he doan' know what
de insi1e Of an opera house looks like. AS
a reward he nebbcr has de smallpox nor
dipthyria
''On cherry hand you h'ar de 'spreshun:
POO but honest NOBODY. eber says: 'Rich
but honest 1t an only poo folkses who
lib from hand to mouth who am honest
Ebery honest sentiment in de human breast
teaches US 10 be poo. When your ole wom-
an, dressed in kalEer an WARM her last
hat, secs rich lady sailn' past
her, harnessed up in silks an diamonds an
she may fur moment feel enyi-
Gus. But, my frens, when she comes to re-
Heck dat rich women hev to war shoes one
size too small, an stockings wild stripes all
up an down dc legs, an hev dressmalSers
Pn' ha'r-dressers an gin balls an parties.
she feels to pity 'en wild all her noble heart
II was axed to advise young man,
said the orator as he Strengthened out his left
leg to clear It of a cramp, ~ should warn
him agin strugglin' fur too much wealth. 1t
stings Like an adder an bites like a sarpint
Riches am de cause Of jealousies, envy an
crimes of all sorts. Dar' can't be no COM
fort fur de rich man. He am worried about
his cloze; his hosses run away; his coach
man 'lopes OFF w.d his darter; de bank in
which he has got his money am sartin to
bust. Arter he has suffered an suffered.
'long comes death an takes him away, an
no sooner am hs buried dan his body am
stolen by medical college, [Applause.
All de poo man has to do am to get
in his meat an taters an wood fur de win
ter, buy cloze fur de o.e woman an de
chilfen, lay in ten bar'is of apples an two
Of cider, pay up his debts. put a fifty dollar
bill in his west POCKET an purceed to take
colid comfort an happiness. [Cries Of
YUM YumPl Sickness will not come to
wall pass him by, an he will
be nominated fur alderman in de spring
IF dar' am any man in dis club who sighs
fur riches he am dc subjick of my pity
warn you in my most solemn tones to quit
dat signing. True happiness am wuth mo-
dan all de gold eber dug from airth.
" Gem'len, had intended TO inclooae de
Garden of Paradise in my remarks. an to
bring in de Pyramids, Christopher Colum-
bus an George Washington. bat de hour
am late an must elongate dis orator. to a
proiongated quietus. Wishin' you ali pos
sible health an happiness, I will now de-
terriinatemy desideratum an bid you fare
we'll"
When the orator had retired Waydown
Bebee moved a vote of thanks.
Rev. PenstoclS objected He said the
theory OF the speaker was all wrong, and
that his command of the English language
entitled him to appear on the front
platform Of a street car.
Nevertheless, upon vote being taken,
the thanks Of the club were exiepded by
large majority, and the meeting then ad-
journed.