Los Angeles daily herald., 1887-01-23
TALE OF A DUDE.
A Short Sarcastic Story by
Nym Crinkle.
NEW YEARS DAY IN BROOKLYN
Keeping. Up An Old Custom and
Getting Acquainted with Ones
Wife.

| saw Chickenhalter on New Years
morning. He was at the Calumet Club
looking through the papers. "Halloo,
old fellow" l cried heartily. ''getting
ready to turn over:"
"Turn over:' he growled, turn over
whatg'
"The new leaf; don't you know this is
New Years."
Nonsense" he snorted. Il was look
ing in the papers to see if my wife had
bought any new clothes. I'm going to
call ON her to-day"
Looking in-the papers-clothes-
Gallon your wife-don't understand
beg pardon-are-"
"Weli," he growled, looking over the
ton of the paper at me savagely. "Well,
YOU don't look in the papers to hno out
what your vile does-eh:
"N-o--that isl don't as-a generai
rule-l-"
80. Won haven't got society wife. L
see my wife will be dressed in a maroon
velvet slashed, and will receive. I'm
going to u,ake her u call -,
He handed me the paper. As ne did
no. he said: 'Is your wife slashed. Here,
take look for yonrseif. Are your nerves
stronss" =,
.Chick.n l remarked with gravity,
s.the idea Is a novel one. Let Us call on
our wives. There's nothing like pre-
serving the domestic ties
s.Oace a year" said Chick.
"And cemeating the affections OF our
youth on our own hearthstoaes--
s.Once a year, said Chick.
sAmid all the hollowness and shams
of life one must turn with hallowed feel-
.:Onee a wear" said Chick. "Has
your wife sent you card!
mo: is it necessary!
swell, not if you are intimate.
We grasped hands as two married
men. We resolved to get two cards,
with ssGod Bless Oar Home" on them,
and then-we took pony.
Afterward we took coupe and
stallion.
A boy ran up TO the door of the vehi-
Gle with an extra. Chick bought it. He
ran his eye down the headlines. "Ha.
he exclaimed.
..What Is it ," said l, somebody of
the bridge, this morning. Sir Colin and
lady."
"Ha." he repeated, "as l suspected,
they both receive togetheri
.What, Sir Colin and
ssN, x-os,r wifi, and minei"
Tableau!
He handed me the paper. 1 looked it
over hstlessly, to see If my mother. IN
law had done anything new In under
clothes, but the society news was mea'
gre. so threw down the sheet. and then
We ratified away merrily.
Isuppose you know that New Years
this time has been unlike any that has
preceded it. Society is SO worn out with
the conventional thing that every set
has tried to make a new departure. All
the Fifth avenue folk adopt the English
csper. We called at Slopover's aad the
Sappinpton-Goosene and the Bat
tersly. Cakelys, and the women at each
place came down in morning wrappers,
yawning and rubbing their eyes. and pre-
tending to have forgotten all about New
Years. They all averred that they had
been overcome with the old English
Christmas festivities, the yule log. carols.
eoar's head, miracle play and mistletoe.
You know that they had quite forgotten
the American custom OF receiving ea
New Years. "Really." said Slopover,
.it's quite absurd. isn't it. to forget it,
but did"
Chick said these girls kept this up all
day.
We met the primeval eoterie of the
Unien Club coming down the avenue on
a big stone truck drawn by a yoke of
oxen. 1t gave me quite a thrill to see
the Independence of the conventional
thing. it was such a manly cut away
from the frippery of custom l asked
Gooseneck afterwards if the strain of
sitting on that truck had not tested his
endurance, and he said no, a man who
had been going to the Metropolitan OPP
era House all winter laughed at that
kind Of nonsense.
/ do not think, however. the Lambs
fellows carried the unconventional thing
too far when they hired a coal cart, and
got the driver to dump them all out on
Slopover's sidewalk like q ton of anthra-
cite.
But when there is such strong pro-
test against the conventional thing there
is apt to be a little extravsgauce at first.
The girls of Heber Newton's church
all insisted on our signing a paper pro-
testing against the punishmento of women
for crime. They believed that 1t was
unmanly.
At Goody Gainsborough's we struck
the anti-wear-birds-on- your-bonnet gang
and had to sign their paper, too. Chick
told me afterward that he never wore a
bird on his hat in his life. But he's
great cock fighter all the same.
At the Apolinaruses we encountered
the Prohibition squeeze and had to have
our breaths examined by big footman
before We could get in, and Chick, who
had taken some a La mode beef at the
Club with allspice In it, came very near
being shut ont.
You've no idea what 8 nuisance it was
to make calls this year. Everybody
seemed to be sick of the conventional
thing. At Courtlandt Palmer's we met
some agonistic girls and as soon as Chick
told them about the paper at Heber
Newton's they all laughed about the
sentimentality of the idea that punish
ing women for crime was unmanly. and
then got out paper on probation, and
commenced to use Ingersoll's argument
that God wouldn't punish women in the
world because it would be ungsllant.
1t must have been o'clock before
the welcome portal of Chicks house came
in sight. Think it touched him, for 1
heard HIM murmur there's no place like
home.
/ suppose every square man with
society wife who comes home to his own
castle every night gives way once year
to a tender desire to see his own wife,
and / am sure nothing can be more
beautiful on the dawning new year than
to cali on her.
~ s...l A. .,.-l.- ELL .,f ...-.,lI ...I.