The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1887-04-01
MRS. RowsgR.s PLANT.
The Good Woman Draws a COmparisO1
Between ConrtshIn and Married Misery.

w DOWW9EFN F-AttN
The Good Woman Draws a COmparis01
Between CourtshIp and Married Misery
1t makes me tired when l sit and re-
fleet on the courtship that made ME
change my name to Mrs. Bowser. /
was full Of trust and love and romance,
and looked upon Mr.. Bowser as a god.
One of his favorite pastimes was to
place me where the lamplight fell upon
my hair and to address me as his gold
en-haired angel. Poor, silly girl that /
was, 1 thought it would always last!
One evening after we had been married
five or six weeks took my stand under
the gas and asked him if his angel was
as dear to him as ever.
''Humphr' he growled as he looked
me over.
''But won't you praise my golden
hair?"
Golden carrots. Mrs. Bowser! If
had such a mop of carroty hair ON my
head as You possess I'd go hide away
in barrelr'
''Then you have ceased to love me2"
Ceased nothing! l have simply got
tired of all this boshv nonsense, and
propose to settle down to the realities
of life
During our courtship Mr.. Bowser de-
lighted to read TO me from Il book of
poems, and he insisted on holding one
of my hands while he read The Sec
ond evening we were in our own house
l brought out Longfellow and sat down
beside him and took his hand.
what are you paving around me
for?' he asked, as he looked up.
II want my deary to read to me-"
"Well, your deary has got some
thing else to dol I'm reading up on
bread and butter instead of poetry.
Please keep your paw at home"
"You used to read such lovely poetry
to me.
That was because / was foOl!''
went over to the other side of the
room and cried, and he let me weep
away for straight hour by the clock
before he observed:
''Now, Mrs. Bowser, if you have got
through sniveling we'll go down stairs
and measure that cOal-bin and figure up
the cubic feeti'
During our cOurtship we used to take
long walks in the cleaning, and
though l was often so tired l could
hardly drag one leg after the other,
Mr.. Bowser would insist on dragging
me around. He was always quoting
something about GLORIOUS Luna" and
s'silver stars and Heavens arch, ="
and one night as we sat upon the door
step he put his arm around me and said
he could sit there forever and aye. 1t
was hardly month after our marriage
that put on my hat one evening and
asked him if he didn't want to wander
out for awhile and watch the silent
night shut down.
I'D like to see myself sloshing
| around with this Internal corn on my
toe!' he replied
''Mr. Bowser, there was time when
you'd have walked all night with a corn
! on every toe. ="
That shows what an idiot man can
make of himself
You once said that we'd always
| walk hand-in-hand in life's cleaning. -
II don't believe it! l knew 1 was
soft, but don't believe was as mushy
as that.
''But you certainly did"
"Well, I'll take it all back now.
We've got something else to do besides
squeezing paws and signing about the
| cleaning. Durn the cleaning, Mrs.
| BOwseT! The whole caboodle of it
wouldn't buy peck of potatoes! 1t
would look more sensible for you to
wander out into the kitchen and see
/ -, l.
at my expense.
Two months before our marriage l
got hard cold and had chills and
fever. 1t was impossible to keep Mr..
| BOwser away from the house, and upon
several occasions he hung over me and
murmured:
Il pray Heaven to spare your pre-
cious life! If you should die life would
be dreary blank to me. Oh! darling,
try and get we'll.
l tried, and with the help of a doctor
and plenty of twO-grain quininc cap
sules 1 recovered. Two months after
marriage 1 got caught out in rain
storm, and in a day or two | had chills
and sore throat. When Mr. BOwser
came home at night l was abed- He
took the matter very calmly. Standing
in the bedroom door, he said:
''Well, suppose the doctor has been
here and made bill against me, and
that you have ha,i a dozen prescriptions
filed and charged?"
I'm not very i'll.
"Oh, no! just i'll enough to upset
the whole house and make me twenty
dollars expenses, and all because OF
your own foolishnessw
"Mr. Bowser, pray Heaven to spare
; my precious life!'
I'm be hanged if LIDO! If you will
go gadding around in the slush and
slosh you must suffer for it,
Wouldn't life be a dreary blank to
YOU if / should die?f
well, dunno. 1t would upset the
house and make me three hundred dol
lars expense, and | suppose I'd have to
wear a Grape band for a year. There :
no danger, however Any one who
can store away the pork and potatoes
you can is good for seventy-five years
yet. I'm going down to the club to-
night I'll stop and tell your mother
to run over, though it's all nonsense.
All that ais You is too much grease on
YOUR pancakes. '-DetroI Free Press.
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