The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1887-12-17
Queerness of Things.

This is sort of topsy-turvy world.
No one seems to he satisfied. One
man is struggling to get justice and
another is flying from 1t,
One man Is saving up to buy
house, and another is trying to sell
his dwelling, for less than it cost, to
get rid of it.
One man is spending all the money
he can earn in taking a girl to the
theater and sending her flowers, in
the hope that he will eventually make
her his wife, and his neighbor is
spending all the gold he has saved to
get divorce.
Smith is drinking imported ale to
put flesh on, while johnson is living
on crackers and walking ten miles a
day to reduce his avoirdupois.
The laborer with ten children keeps
out Of debt on ten dollars a week,
while many an unmarried bank off,
cial with hundred dollars a week
can't get along without helping him.
self to the banks funds.
Robinson takes sherry to give him
an appetite, while Brown. who has a
wine cellar, can't touch drop of it
on account of apopletic tendencies.
The doctor tells Morrill, that if he
dnoon1f cfon vyOrL an1 tol>o n .oet l. =,
will go into decline, and then tells
Blakely that if he does not abandon
his sedentary position and go off
somewhere and work on a farm he
will die of torpidity of the liver.
One man is ordered to eat eggs be-
cause they are nutritious, and an
other is cautioned to leave them
alone because they produce bile.
One man keeps pistol to protect
himself against burglars, while his
neighbor doesn't keep one for fear of
shooting some member of the family
by mistake.
You will sometimes see a man
planting trees about his place for the
shade; and, at the same time, you
will see another cutting down all the
trees about his house because they
produce too much moisture.
One rich man wears poor clothes
because he is rich and can do any
thing. while poor man wears fine
clothes because he is poor and wants
to create the impression that he is
not.
One man is killed by accident, and
another tries to commit suicide and
fails.
One man escapes all the diseases
that flesh is helr to and is killed on a
railroad another man goes through
half a-dozen wars without a scratch
and then dies of whooping- cough.
The prize fighter reforms and be-
comes preacher, while the theologi-
cal student leaves his university to
become professional base ball
pitcher,
The man who can make twenty
thousand dollars year, as a general
thing can't save cent, while the
man who is thrifty and wise is sell
dom 80 gifted that he can earn any
thing at all.
We know wealthy merchant who
keeds half dozen horses, who re-
Gently stated that his store was closed
on account of "holliday :" and we
also know prOOf.reader who can
spell every word in the English lam
guage correctly, and the only time
he experiences any horse is when he
eats horseradish.
Good people die and bad people
live. The man who is fat with health |
can't get employment, and the man
who is making money hand.oyer fist |
has to give up business on account of
iIl-health.
One man won't touch bacon for
fear of getting trichina. and another
swears by Bacon because some people
think he wrote Shakespeare.
Lingulsts are keeping peanut
stands, and monkeys are writing for /
newspapers. In a railroad collision
the dancing master generally loses
his feet, and the mathematician his
head.
We wish we could find out why
these things are so, because it would
set our minds at rest and make US
happy.-Puck.