Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1887-11-19
AID TO DJGESTI N.

There is one admirable feature about a
wire fence. The patent medicine man
can't paint legend on it in regard to his
liver cure.
1t is a singular fact, but nevertheless
true, that when two young men meet they
address each other, "How are you, old
man?' and that when two old fellows
meet they say, " My boy"
A New York dudine, accompanied by a
pug, applied at the ticket Office of coun-
try railroad station. Gam | required to
purchase dog ticket ?" she asked. 90.
no, you can travel as an ordinary passen-
ger"
A gentleman once asked the celebrated
Dr. Abernethy if he thought the moderate
use of snuff would injure the brain. "No,
sir" was Abernethy's reply, "for no man
with a single ounce of brain would ever
think of taking snuff
"Have you The Rise of Silas Lapham?
asked a young lady from Chicago of the
clerk in country store where they kept
almost everything. al dunno whether
we've got any of that peticular brand, but
we've got some all fired good rice, Jest the
same"
Say, didn't you tell me when you sold
me that dog that he was a bird dog %
" Yes, that's what | said" "Well, YOU
swindled me. That dog won't hunt" al
didn't say he would hunt He's bird
dog. Cook the birds for him. That's the
way he likes them best"
Dearest" said a fond but practical
lover, after the wedding day had been set.
can you-er-do you know how to
sweep" Sweep repeated the girl,
with proud glitter in her eyes. "At the
party tomorrow night, George, dear, Just
watch me as | sweep into the room p'
women are unreasonable creatures
observed Brown, as he ordered another
round for the boys. "Now, there's my
wife. Before we were married, when |
went to see her, she always thought it was
too early for me to go home, and now |
can't go home early enough TO suit her."
Neighbor: "What beautiful hens Won
have, Mrs. Stuckup" Mrs. Stuckup "Yes,
they are all imported fowls" Neighbor
You don't tell me so | suppose they lay
eggs every day." Mrs Stuckup proudly:
They could do SO if they saw proper, but
my circumstances are such that my hens
are not required to lay eggs every day"
Three Frenchmen who were studying
volume of Shakespeare in their native
language endeavored to translate into Eng
lish the well-known opening to Hamlets
soliloquy, "To be, or not to be-" The fol-
lowing is the result: First Frenchman:
To was or to am" Second Frenchman:
To were, or is not" Third Frenchman:
TO should or not to will"
A physician of Vassar has kept list of
the number of days each girl has been alb
sent from illness during the year, and COM
pared it with similar record kept of the
young men at Amherst College. She finds
that the girls are not absent from illness
nearly SO much as the young men. Women
can stand four-years' course of severe
study as well as their brothers.
Henry Ward Beecher once CHANGED to
stray into village church where one of
his own sermons was being delivered.
After the congregation had dispersed he
approached the rural divine, to whom he
was personally unknown, and remarked:
THAT was good sermon you preached"
''Oh," was the modest reply, "only little
thing | threw off in about fifteen minutes"
Indeed! Why, it took me several hours
to compose it," Then the identity of his
interlocutor dawned upon the plagiarizing
minister. After few moments of silence
his sang-froid returned, and in a defiant
tone he said: 'Well, Pm not ashamed to
preach anything Henry Ward Beecher
wrote"