Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1887-12-05

1t would seem natural for carpenter
to walk with numbering gait
Say, John, is your sweetheart a facto-
ry girl?" ''Yes, William, satisfactory"
A coquette is a woman 'thout a heart
that makes a fool O a man 'thout any head
Precocious Boy.-Mamma, who was
SHAKESPEARE? Mamma-Lord Bacon, to be
sure.
what raiIrU5lti III 1S0I tin z4111rriy5e. l,o-y
the most sleepers?' THE S'nora, sir.
suppose"
A magazine writer asks: SHOULD for
tunes be limited?" The trouble with most
peoples fortunes is that they are limited
very limited.
A Georgia debating society recently de-
bated the question: did Zeke Slade's
tobacco barn burn up or down?" 1t was
decided that it did.
Miss De Jinks: Are you musical, Pro
fessor Jobkins?" Prof. Jobkins Yes
but if you were going to play any thing,
don't mind my feelings
''Oh, you bad boy" said his mother,
angrily, chow did you come to be so care
less as to tear your pants?' Il fell so
quick 1 didn't have time to take them of.
''Robert, dear, how do you suppose
those dozens of empty bottles ever got
into our cellar?" .'Why, don't know, my
dear, never bought an empty bottle in
my life!"
An article on the education of the blind
10
Gle tells how blind may be taught not to
slam and creak on a windy night it is a
masterpiece.
Before you call attention to the fact
that pig has no use for his tail, please
remember that you have two buttons on
the lower back of your coat that don't
button anything.
Mrs. Nucoyne-Yes, it was an awful
disease; it reely got to be an epidermis in
| our neighborhood, and 1 was so frustrat-
ed by it l had to spend two weeks at the
seashore to recapitulate.
Backslide Jehnsing, being near-sighted,
mistakes the weathercock for fugitive
from the chicken roost. Yer needn't
roost so high, chicken I amt goin' to
| touch yer. Use refom'd."
Compassionate Clara--Isn't it sad?
Poor Mr.. Littlewit has gone out of his
mind. Satirical Sallie-I wonder he has
stayed there as long as he has. Very
cramped quarters, you know.
Mrs. Suddenly Rich-I wish to buy
ond of those globes. Clerk-Here is one
| that is used in all the schools Mrs s. R.
| Well. if you have few more islands
painted on those empty places, I'll take It.
Whipper in of the country hunt (hold-
| ing his nose)-Savin' tn presence o tn
ladies. sor, that fox is black and phwite
one. wild shtripes on him, an be tn way
til dogs is sneezing Oi tink he can't be
well, sor.
Mamma (to Walter, who has just re-
turned from his first experience with a
fisbing-rod) What, back so soon? Wal
ter-Yes'm; l thought I'd come home.
The worms were so nervous l couldn t
get 'em on the hook"
A bright little girl asked one morning
at the breakfast table Mamma, is hash
animal or vegetable?" Animal, my dear,
replied mamma. ''Then," cried the little
one. triumphantly, holding up tiny bone,
! s.here's the hash's tooth. !"
Mr Hayseed (to wife who is returned
from church What was the sermon
about? Mrs. Hayseed-Su'thin' about
Joseph goin' down to Egypt to buy corn
Mr. Hayseed-Did the dominic say what
] .~.,,, .,-as- -.-r,-sb damn tbareS
A Michigan girl surprised thief in the
barn and chased him with pitch-forI
until he had dropped the harness he haC
stolen. She will not lecture this winte
unless she marries and her HUSBAND
should come home late at night.