Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1887-05-28
FUN

An Irishman says he can see no
earthly reason why women should NOS
be allowed to become medical men.
TIoKEr CoLLECToR-You don't ex-
pect those boys to travel on one
tieket2 Fond Mother-Of course I
do. It's twin.
SCAN you see this7" timidIy inquired
the poet, as he laid a bundle on the
desk. "I think I can, said the editor,
ahably. 81 am just about to start a fire
in the Office stove.
as IT correct to say, Iput up at the
K Hotel?" inquired one travelling
man Of another. "No." what ought
1 to say!" 4 put up with the x
Hotel p would be about the thing"
WHE--I don't see how you can say
that Mr.. Whitechoker has an effeminate
way Of talking. He has a very loud
voice. Husband-I mean bv an eff
Terminate way Of talking. my dear, that
he talks all the time.
IT is said that Edwin Booth made a
vow years ago never to act in Washing
ton. Judging from the way many Peo-
pie act when they get to Washington,
it would be well if they, too, would
take vow to keep away from there.
MORNING eoffees," it is said. viii
shortly succeed afternoon teas" in
fashionable life. We do not think
morning coffees viii ever become pop
ular. At all events they will have a
powerful rival in morning cocktails. ~
Boston Courier.
WHEN q man is angered, says the
philosopher of the Whitehall Times,
"the devil dances "a jig" If this be so,
the time of the devil must be fully oc-
cupied in dancing Hgs for the men who
SIT behind high hats at the theater and
opera hOuse.-BOstO9I Courier.
A SMOKER presents his open cigar
case to his neighbor on his right.
Thanks, I don't smoke" He then
turns to his neighbor on the left. 81
don't smoke; much obliged" His wife
whispers in his ear: "Are you going to
offer one to the Captain?" "No, love;
he smOkes-I know he does Pr The
Judge.
BOBBY Ito young Featherly)-Wiu
you please pass me- the cake-basket,
Mr.. Featherly? Mamma-No, Bobby,
you cannot have any more cake. Bobby
Tesignedly)-Wens Pm no worse of
than Mr.. Featherly. Mr.. Featherly
(amused)-How so, Bobby? Bobby
Sister Clara says you will have to take
no for an answer.-NelU York San.
WE notice that the smaller the col
lege the larger the name of the literary
society among the students. The Great
Western University, of this Territory,
with four students and a professor who
got fired from an Eastern institution
because he wasn't absent-minded
enough, has an association called the
ElephantimoropOsiurus Society.-Da-
kota Bell
PREvARICATION: Uncle Primrose
Where you git dat yer puIlet, Clawed
Clay? Clawed-I done win him IN de
rattle. Uncle Primrose lawed, you's
lynn; all dem rafler chickens wuz dead
ones-picked and ready for cookin'.
Clawed-Dis one wuz ies in a trawnce.
INK Primrose, en- for de Lawd, he come
to, an put on he's leaders when
winned him, an he done see he wuz in
sech safe comply. Tjd-Bits.
MISS DooLITTLE Cwho is deaf but
won't acknowledge it to Mr.. Browne)-
How is your family, Mr.. Browne? Mr..
BrOwne-A1 quite well, thank you,
with the exception of my wife. She
was out in the rain the other day and
got quite wet; the result was a severe
cold on her lungs, which we feared
would end In congestion, but she is
eonvaIescent now. Miss DoOlittle-In-
deed! So glad. And how is Mrs.
Brownel-LJe.
"HERR ZIPFERL, why is it that you
every now and then put small coin on
the table?" 90, that is on account Of
a bad habit of mine. You see, I want
to cure myself of the bad habit of using
so many foreign words in conversation,
so I fine myself five pfennigs every
time I use one" 'Then I suppose you
contribute the sum for some charitable
purpose?" "Not muchl That money
pays for my beer before I go home. -
German Joke.