The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1887-02-02
WIT AND HUMOR.

We regretto say that the new maps-
zine guns are not for the purpose of
shooting writer's of way "reminiscences.
-Httsburg Chronicle.
After all Adam was fortunate man.
Eve never Observed to him: 20, | for
got to tell you, mothers coming to pay
us q visit next week. ."-Nsw Haven
Ners.
In the ountry: And is the air
healthy in his village?" Excellent
monsieur. excellent One can become
. centenarin here in little while.
French Fua
LADY, can give you little more o.
that clam chowder if you want it.
Tramp-Th,nk you, I've had all want
an besides Tou'll need what's left tc
washlthe diaes with.-Lfe.
Yophful observation-disclosures, aren't
Mr.. Holmes Ind Mr.. Lowell both absen,
fromfhe cit? Mammal believe they
are.idear. y B.-Well. can't call my
trousers PANTS" just while they're
There Is not so very much difference
between New York Alderman and
tramp: Onewalks the street wondering
where he vii find bail, and the other
where he caa get something to cat
Charleston Ieaos.
II notice that you call your fiancee
Mag. Jogging. Is her name Margaret"
mo, that lisa contraction for Magnet,
Fangle." is that her name?' mot
at all cal her that because she is so
attractive. IN. 7. Mail.
When therumble of the explosion at
Bayside re,ched the ears of q West.
chester lady she exclaimed: Johns
been tryin' or pass that bad quarter
again downter Purdy's He hit the
road hard that time. Puck.
Riley-'Apakin' of religun. me wife,
Mary Ann. : an infdel." Rafferty,
''Shure an hats too bad. Why don't
yez git di,orce?" Riley-"On phat
grounds, Raferty1" Ratferty-"On the
grounds Of infidelity. av coorse."-
Rambler.
A young widow in mourning for her
faithless spouse who died some weeks
before: II; am very unhappy, she
sighed, when her friends came to con-
sole with her. "But then one consola-
ton remains know where he passes
his nights. ."-Frcnch Fun.
Jawkin-Ihat was a rather sudden
death of old Skinfint's. What was the
matter with him? Hawkins-Economy.
The two undGtakers are running each
other, and funerals are away down in
price. Old Sknfiint never missed . bar
J gain it his lifs.-LoreH Citizen.
"Some men are very careless" re.
marked Dumby. Il went into cigar
store this momlng and on the showcase
lay change fG a IS bill, which some
customer hadevidently forgotten" Il
say, Dumley'' whispered Featherly.
shave you got it yetp"-New York Sun.
A young nan found q handbag a,
Tuscola, III. 1t contained $35. and be-
longed to q widow in Antwood, and
when the young man returned it she re.
warded him By marrying him the next
day. We hae to print this item. 1t is
such discourager to honesty in young
He (who thinks he ought to say some
thing)-"Haw. by the by, have you
evah heard Miss Fitz-Morris play tina
little thing you just played?" She (hav
ing just finished her favorite nocturne,
Mo" He-"Haw. you ought to
she plays it so beautifully. ."-Harper'
Bazaar.
Stage-struck lady (anxiously)-"lsn'
the expression a little sad?" Litho
graphic artist" You vos going to dais
dot Migado on der road, amt it?'
Slage-struck lady - ''Yes." 1.-the
graphic artist-''Vell, dot pordraid vii
pc yust like you in apout d'ree weeks.
-1td-Bits. 80
They were standing on the deck of
Cunarder that runs tc the Hub: IAN
what is that shining so?" she asked
That is the dome of the State-hous'
was born right in its shadow" ''Yo
don't saye And this is really Americs
thenf" 20. dear no. this is Boston.
-MU Hdcea Net0s.
As.,a-, e.,.sr,y maiden had marie
a gentleman named Young. "Allo
. me 20 c,i,rl. uiste you on the renews
|, of your youtn,' said the jester aft
, the ceremony. Sir" was the frigi
r and 'ligniiied response. Il fail to COZ
. prehend your meaning" Why" 50
+, the jester. don't you know your ma
. riage has made you Young again"-
: hstts6xrg D'spatcak