Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1887-07-29
LIVING IN THE COUNTRY.
How Newspaper Man Tried to Burg!arize
His Own House.

His Own House
Philadelphia Call
A journalist, who has been in the habit
of sending his family to the seashorse
each summer to be loaded upwith malaria
and eaten up by mosquitoes determined
this year to try tbs country brands OF
these articles and consequently took
house in the suburbs, where city taxes
and country roads help to keep the in
habitants from being too blissfully
happy. He moved out last week, and for
three days be made the bulk of his friends
weary with his rhapsOdies on the beau
ties of life in the country where tAe grass
grows green and the birds and bullfrogs
make the aif musical day and night;
where the cherry trees tenn pit the wayfar-
er and the bulldogs warn him against
falling temptation, AL this and much
more has been discoursed until his friends
girded up their loins and fled at his ap-
proach. To-day, however, he came to
the Office and his usual budget of country
news was not openedi on the contrary,
he sat down at his desk and never a word
spoke he to anyone. The city editor,
fearing that something had happened to
him, came to him and in kindly tones
beseeched him to unb0som himself. With
q sigh the journalist said: You know
I've moved In 20 the country" The city
editor groaned, for he knew it only too
we'll. You ses I've been SO stuck on the
place that I've staid out there every night
until last night, when | had some bust
ness that called ne into town. | went
and finished what | had to do as quickly
as possible, and took the 10 O'Clock train
for home. | reached the station in about
twenty minutes. Now the road to my
house is though Il little woods around a
cornheld, and across two meadows. 1t is
a beautiful daylight road, but about the
worst after dark pathway you ever game
across. | was all right until | struck the
woods, and though the moon was shining
the place was dark as a pantry. got in
so far that it was impossible to retrace
my steps. Tkesnatives, l understand, use
lanterns in their after dark peregrina-
tions, and as the cigarstore signs say, SO
will in futures but last night did not
know this custom, and l went stumbling
on, keeping in the path by the aid of a
few matches l had in my pocket. l
finally reached the cornfeld, and then
walked into ditch. | extricated myself
and proceeded on my journey, and after
several adventures with inquisitive cows
reached my home. Now, thought |, as
| put my key in the door, my troubles are
over. Alas, they had only Just begun.
1t was new key and q new lCck,
and they had never met before,
and did not take to each other on first &C
quaintance. | worked away for a quarter
of an hour without results, and determin-
ed to ring the bell; but there is no bell,
so | pounded away until awakened every
a. L,
every dog for twenty miles around. My
folks. however, slept the sleep of the just.
Then l tried the windows, all commend
ably locked and barred. Then [ scaled
the gate and the summer kitchen. Lock
ed too. In my despair l broke a pane
of glass IN the sash next to the door, and
thrust my hand through the aperture and
slipped the bolt. l entered, but, alas!
only to find that the main kitchen door
was impregnable. Sadly | retraced my
steps and went into the yard and amusc
myself and enraged the two million dogs
that belong around our part by heaving
bricks at my wife's bedroom window.
Peacefully she slept on. Then | went to
the front door again and kicked all the
paint off it. WI an | had bruised my feet
sufficiently the good lady awoke and let
me In. | talked for a while, and then she
said: Its a blessed thing that the
children are asleep and can not hear such
awful language"
II am perfectly sure that every man,
woman, and child n the neighbOrhoOd
has nae down as a thornug hly -aband oned
person, and | suppose committee from
the church will call and condole with my
wife to-day. What makes me mad" he
concluded, sis the certainty that while
could not get into the blamed place, the
first burglar that comes along will have
no difficulty in making his entrance and
wandering unmolested all through the
house"