davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08
TECHNICAL POINTS,
A Very Smart Lawyer Who Got Dose o.
His Own Medicine.

A Very Smart Lawyer Who Got a Dose o.
His Own Medicine.
A sensational breach of promise case
was on trial not long ago in East Ten.
nessee. One Reuben Barnes was
placed on the stand, and when the at.
torney asked him question which he
did not understand he asked for an
explanation before answering. "Mr.
Barnes" replied the attorney. who was
getting very angry, "that is techni.
cal point in law that you need know
nothing about. You will please tell
this court and jury what you saw with
your own eyes on the last Sunday even
ing in May as you passed through the
orchard toward the calf lot" "Wall.
I saw Dick and Sarah sitting under an
apple tree" "What were they doing?"
"They 'peared to be sittin 'longside
each other on an old sassafras stump"
"Was there any thing in their actions
to indicate that they were engaged in
more than friendly conversation"
"Wall, yes" slowly calculated Barnes,
while tho whole court and spectators
held their breath, II seed 'em gum.
suckin', lally-gaggin' and sich."
"Now, SIR" exclaimed the lawyer,
jumping to his feet, will you please tell
me what you mean by lally-gaggin'?"
"That, SIR" replied the witness. imi.
Eating as far as possible the pompous
tone of his interlocutor, sis er ticker.
nickle pint in courtin' that you needn't
know nothin' aboutr' 1t was too much
even for the sedate old Judge. and the
locks bobbed up and down
on his bald pate as he screened his face
behind a law book and laughed until
he cried. As for the crowd-well, rs
soon as the Judge could regain his self
control court adjourned for dinrer.-
philadelphia Call.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08
syl,s.u, Ces, n Sea.

When the late Sylvanus Cobb, Jr., was .
boy he went to sea. The commander Of the
ship had literary turn Of mind, and put
in the spare hours Of one crdise in writing
sea story. One day he came upon deck
and, looking down upon . group Of sea-
men. sung out: "Has any one got pen.
knife!" ~ have. SIR" replied young Cobb,
stepping forward. "Can you make quill
pens" "Yes, SIR" "What did you do
before you shipped in the navy:" ~ was
in q printing office, SIR" "You are just
the one am looking for. Come with me-"
Young Cobb was taken into the cabin and
made private secretary, but long before
he had finished copying and arranging the
captains manuscript he concluded that he
could write better story himself and tried
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08
Majesty Of the Law.

It Is generally q good indication
when q man magniics his office. A
simplc-minded and honest German.
having been called upon to quell dis
t,rbance in u western town, under-
took bis official duty with courage and
zeal.
seizing member Of the "disturbing
element by the collar Mt the back Of
his neck, he was met with the indig.
nant demand; "Who's got hould of me!
Who's houlding meP'
"You wand to know who hat got
holdt Of YOU, heyp Now ! shoost told
you! Il vas der Shtatc Won Ohior'-
Youths Companion.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08
a GRANT AMEcDoTx


New the siisnt 0snsrsi was Amused -
IN Iowa Topper.
General Grant was rarely known 70
smile, and the occasions were few indeed
when his.dignity 80 far broke down as to
permit him to laugh outright-though he
was far from being devoid Of relish for
good story or joke. There was one time in
hislife, however, says the Chicago Tribune,
when he INDUCED in q roar Of laughter that
might have been heard for . quarter OF
mile. II was while he was filling the Presi.
Dental chair and made his trip to Des
Moines, Ia, and delivered the famous
speech on education. He had been in st.
Louis, and come up the old Northern Mis-.
souri, railroad into Iowa. He passed
through tile little town Of Bloomfield,
twelve miles from the Missouri line at nine
o'clock at night. A crowd had assembled,
soaspicuous among them being the village
topper, who always filled up on great occa.
sons, and had therefore risen to the emer.
gency, and was in condition on the ar.
rival of the Presidential party to hobnob
with king. The train halted at the sta.
tion for several minutes, and in response
to cheers President Grant appeared on the
platform and lifted his hat in stiff, school.
boy fashion. The old topper looked at him
with blinking eyes, and then deliberately
dambered up on the PLATFORM steadied
himself by the railing, and deliberately
thrust his face close to the sphinx-like
countenance before him. There was
dead silence, the audacity Of the
act causing the townspeople to stare in
dumb amazement, while the few persons
surrounding Grant were equally astound.
ed. For moment the drunken man
swayed and stared, and then said:
"Ish zis Presh'dunt GrantW
The features Of the hero of Appomattox
relaxed little as he nodded affirmatively.
"Come, now, honest, pardner," persist.
ed the topper. "Shay, Oh man, y amt
tryin' to fool feller, are your"
The scene was cut short by the town
marshal reaching up and yanking the in
truder to the ground; but it had such an
inexpressible funny side that the "silent
man" burst into hearty guffaw, in
which those around him joined q the
train moved away.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08
Death Roll Of the Civil War.

Official statistics show that of the 3,000,-
600 men enlisted, there were killed in bat.
tie, A,23S; died of wounds, 49,2o5; died Of
disease, 1926; died of unknown causes,
24,lS4; total, 3OS,743. This includes only
those whose death while in the army had
been actually proven. To this number
should be added, first, 10000 men who are
known to have died while in the hands Of
the enemy as prisoners Of war, and many
others in the same manner whose deaths
are unrecorded.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

"A Canadian paper has been con.
ducting canvass on the annexation
question. OF the 9l0 persons who
expressed an opinion, 800 favored and
no opposed annexation. Most of the
answers came from Nova Scotians,
who were almost unanimous in favor
of annexation, and those from On
tario and Quebec gave majority of
nearly two to one that way.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

The treatment Of many thousands OF cases
Of those chronic weaknesses and distressing
ailments peculiar to females, at the 1nyalid4
Hotel and Surgical Institute, Buffalo. N. Y,
has afforded vast experience in nicely adapt.
ing and thoroughly testing remedies for the
pr. Pierce's FavOrite Prescription
% the outgrowth, or result, of this great and
mails, received from patients and from physi-
clans who have tested it in the more aggra.
waited and obstinate cases which had baffied
their skill prove it t9 be the lines most wonderfui
suffering women. 1t Is not recommended as
"cure-all," but as q most perfect Specific for
Woman's peculiar ailments.
mnIts tIsnai ~ Eo sonie
and to the womb and its, appendases in
..run-down," debilitated teachers. milliners
dressmskers, seamstresses, "shep,,siris, house:
generally, DR.. Pierce's Favorite Prescription
is the greatest earthly boon, being unequaled
as an appetizing cordial and restorative tonic
nervns. sfH uns
qualed and 10 invaluable in allaying and sub.
DUNG nervous excitability, irritabiity, ex.
halHtion, prostration, hysteria, spasms and
oy Paad
disease Of the womb. 1t induces refreshing
sleep and relieves mental anxiety and de.
Dr. Picrce's Favorite Prescription
compounded BY an experienced and skillful
physician, and adapted to woman's delicate
Organization. 1t is purely vegetable In itf
ia any scS cSnas the system in Fe
morning Sickness or nausea, from whatever
cause arising, weak stomach, indigestion, dys.
pepsia and Kindred symptoms its use, in small
"Favofitc Prescription y 10 q posi-.
tive cure for the most complicated and OBJ.
stinate cases Of leucorrhea, excessive flowing
painful menstruation, unnatural suppressiona
female weakness" anteverson, retroversion,
bearing-down sensations chronic congestion.
Inflammation and liberation Of the womb, in.
aammation. pain and tenderness in ovaries,
!. Az . regulator and promoter Of func.
tional action. at that critical period Of change
from gir1hood to wamanhood, "Favorite Pre-.
scription s s y perfectly safe remedial agent,
equally edicacious and valuable in its effects
when taken for those disorders and derange.
ments incident to that later and most critical
period. known as"The Change Of Life"
n connection with the use Of DR.. Pierce's
Golden Medical Discovery, and small laxative
doses ' qs & Dr. pierces Purgntive Pellets lLittIe
AYE dver sI I cures LIVER, Kidney and Bladder
blood taints, and abolishes canccrous and
scrofulous humors from the system.
fnvOrlee prescription" is the only
medicine for women, sold by druggists, nd er
2 positive guarantees, from the mann.
facturers, thatlt will give satisfaction in every
cose OF money wiz be refunded. This guaran.
zee has been printed on the bottie-wrapper.
and faithfully carried out for many yearss
Large bottles goo dosea Sl.OO, OF six
For large illustrated Treatise on Diseases of
,sosn women "a !I0 psssh peper-covered>. send ton
uedfs ospsasi1 Medical Association. =,
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08
A Horsa Who Can Talk!

Everybody has heard of "horse laugh,"'
but who has ever seen an equine gifted with
che power of speechi Such an animal would
telegraph and the telephone have been q
hundred years ago. Why, even very re-
Gently cure for consumption would have
been looked upon as miraculous, but now
people are beginning to realize that the dis
ease is not incurable. DR.. Pierce's Golden
Medical Discovery will cure it, if taken in
time. This world-renowned remedy will
not make new lungs, but it will restore dis
eased ones to healthy state when all other
means have failed. Thousands can CRATE
fully testify to this. All druggists.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08
INFLUENCE OF FLOWERS.
Tho Cheapest snd at the Same Time Most
Eli waiting Of Pleasures.

Tho Cheapest snd at the Same Time Most
Elevating Of Pleasures.
Since the earliest ages of the world
flowers have burne an important part
They were dedicated to the gods.
Venus Is represented wearing garland
Of roses; Juno holds a lily in her hand,
and Ceres is adorned with bearded
wheat and corn poppies. In the days
of Roman and Athenian luxury and re.
fnement flowers held an essential
place in festivities and religious exer.
cises; they were heaped upon affairs,
bound to the heads of beasts which
were sacrificed to appease the wrath Of
the gods, and wreaths were worn not
only by women, but also by men,
whose heads were crowned with flow
ers upon all festive occasions. As
many people made business Of raising
and arranging flowers in those ancient
times as at tho present day, and every
occasion had its particular adornment
All over the world flowers are
planted, watered, weeded and cher
isled, and from their influences the
hearts Of thousands upon thousands are
nourished and uplifted to sense of
higher power. We can not enjoy our
lives fully without flowers, and they
are the cheapest Of pleasures. A five.
cent packet of pansy seed will give you
at least twenty different varieties Of
purple and gold and lilac, and blue
and cream color and white flowers,
whose lovely faces will look up into
your eyes with beauty all their own.
Five cents will purchase packet Of
mignonette, Of whose olor one can
never tire. Women, therefore. can
not plead poverty to excuse the flower
less condition of their surroundings,
because even three or four can club to-
gether paying only ten cents each, and
procure eight or ten varieties of seeds.
which will give each person an abund.
ance Of plants. Cultivate but few
varieties as beginning. You will re.
ceive tenfold return for your labor.
/ have always said I should have gar.
den ii l had to plant it in q wheel-bar'
row and trundle it around to catch the
sunbeams.
Go into the woods in the early spring
and carry a basket and trowel, and dig
up some moss and fern roots with par.
fridge berries intelmingled; add to
them some roots of the wind anemone
and wood yorrel, wild violet and saxi-
frage, and plant them in deep dist
from your pantry il nothing better is
Obtainabls, and keep them we'll watered
In . sunny window where you can
watch their growth and see the tender
lerns unroll and the tiny flowers open;
hey will teach you lesson of faith and
love which you can never forget
ANssrican Garden.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

Wife" saw you looking at
your old sweetheart, Miss Crimson,
to-day" Husband" Well, she sat
right in front Of u.s." Wife" But
you needn't have been quite so inter.
ested.' Husband" Why. my dear
girl, l was thinking how much that
mole on her neck looked like ripe
tomato" Wife" Have little more
sugar in your tea, hubby?'- Omaha
Herald,
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

-Countryman Ito bookseller),-
'My wife wants me to git her Il testa-
ment." Bookseller-"Yes, sir. New
Testament, I suppose?' Countryman
-"Well. l dunno. If you've got one
that amt too much used up, l reckon
q secondhand one would suit her just
as well. l.'-Drake's Travellers Aaga-
zine
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08
As 70 EQUAL a.oArs.
10 Hammer Generally Found q the pFs.A
ofthe Procession.

sAy E0on0 0t the 6eAA
ofthe Procession.
lis wrong to consider the variety Of
equality contemplated by the Declara.
non OF Independence as likely in anv
way to be mistaken for kind of com.
munism OF brains. We can safely saw
.nat the time will never come when
the men with vast aggregations oi
brains will have to divide up with tboss
WI who simply have an opening for brains.
lnat Kind OF communism would be n
mighty good thing, however, for the
people who claim that political equality
Is chestnut
II the man who breads the day when
equality is settled fact could work II
some way to have brains divided uu
equally and could be around when the
alvlsion is made he would be ahead.
But the equality referred to in the
Declaration is not that kind. 1t is the
kind that does not chisel out a Door
mans vitals in the matter of wages
ana then compel him to buy every
thing he needs Of his employer at biz
price. 1t is the kind that protects the
toiler who appeals to the law as
promptly and efficiently as it does che
swollen, stiff-necked imitation Lord.
with his hired brains and his bogus
crest.
Equality in America ought to mean
that the bravest, ablest and best men
should rule the State and the Nation.
Then the United States Senate will not
look like mass-meeting of plumbers.
Wien equality is better understood
and becomes something besides an
empty name, the term political pull"
will lose its significance, and the aver.
age voter will not even need political
pull to operate an election day cigar.
There has never been better banne,
to fight under since the world began
than that of freedom and equality be.
fore the law, and the banner that has
this device written on it in plain,
running hand will generally be found
at the head of the procession.
The man who is born in America
hnds, as soon as he does so, that he has
In his inside pocket small package OF
inalienable rights, among which are
life, liberty and the pursuit of happi.
ness If he happens to be born into
our set he uses these inalienable rights
with perfect impunity, swapping about
among some of his more unfortunate
companions until he also has their in.
alienable rights. He then proceeds to
make nuisance Of himself.
Universal equality before the law has
not been asserting itself very much
lately, but the man who treads on the
tail of his coat is liable not to get home
in time for lunch, and when he does get
home the chances are that he will
bring a lobe of his liver with him in hi:
pockt-handkcrchief.
There is little contemplate fear
lurking aboutin the breasts of q few one.
horse Americans that some one may
spring suddenly upon them and charge
them some day with being the equal Of
somebody.
Their fear is entirely groundless.
They can go to bed every night per.
fectly secure in the comforting con.
sciousness that they will wake up in
the morning perfectly free from any
such charge, and no man will ever &c
to them and insist on an equal division
of brains with them unless he is man
whose brains are so abnormally large
that they actually pain him.-BW Nye,
in N Y World.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

paal Estate Buyee Took AdvAn
~ Il Southern 0entlemsn.

4aro It . Southern 0entlonAn.
man stopped near Patterson
..-ou and thus addressed an old fellow
~ stood with his arms resting on a
jsnce: =. ,m
.Don't sec me dyin' here, do you?''
.Ah, you are sportivc. Ihave heard
= this neighborhood and have the
Games Of several people. Where is ].
3 Mucle!'
"Dead."
"AhP"
"Ah, hah.
"What was the matter with him?"
MSick."
"What sort of sickness?"
"Swamp fever"
"Let's see," consulting scrap oi
osper; "where is Tom W. BuckP"
"Dead."
.What did he die OFF"
"Swamp fever"
"Humph. Where can I find Sim
Blyp'
"Swamp feverP"
"Yes''
"Do you know any thing about Cal.
yin Hunter?"
.'Yes, laid him out"
"What was the matter with him?"
..Swamp fever.'
"My friend, have come into this
neighborhood to buy land"
The native. smiling welcome, re-.
plied: "We've got the finest country
on earth, podner, right here. I've got
two hundred and sixty acres that III
let you have"
"How does it lie?"
illustrate"
"How's the waterP"
"Best in the world"
"Land richP"
"Cream couldn't hold a lightning.
bug to it."
allow is this neighborhood in the
way of healthp"
"Sweet as pre-tinest you ever
saw"
"No chills?"
mot one."
"Fever of any kind?"
mot fevc."
"What about those fellows that
died?"
"Hah--oh. them fellers. wy, you
see they-they-w'y, they oughtei
died."
''That's all right. but Idon't believe
Iwant any land round here"
"You don't! Wy confound your
ugly hide, wy didn't you tell me al
fust that you thought O. buyiu' land
an I wouldn't said nothin' about
them fellers dyin'. Blast your hide,
you 60 around the country takin' ad.
vantage o fellers this way. You don't
know how to treat a gentleman. Move
on now, or I'll hurt YOU Come cheat.
in me out Of sale. Move on, tel!
you."-Arkansav Traveller.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

the thousands after having been emptied by
suffering humanity. What mass OF sick
ening, disgusting medicine the poor stomach
has TO contend with Too much strong medi-
cine. Prickly Ash Bitters is rapidly and
surely taking the place of all this class OF
drugs, and in curing all the ills arising from
a. adisordered condition of the liver, kidneys,
stomach and bowels.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

Diseases can be cured, if properly treated
in time, as shown by the following state
ment z e. from D: g. Freeman, Sydney; "Hav-
attacks, and gradually wasting away for the
past two years, it affords me pleasure to
testify that ScoTT's EMULSION of Cod Liver
Oil with Lime and, Soda has given me great
relief, and cheerfully recommend it to all
suffering in similar way to myself. In ad-
dtion, ! would say, that it is very pleasant
TO take"
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08
As GLAHEs the tiger on his foes.

NHu, HT6 HV UOuI1us upO0 tIie IIIg,
Selects the object of his spring.
30 disease, in myriad forms, fastens it's
fangs upon the human race. Ladies' who
suffer from distressing ailments peculiar to
their sex, should use DIR. Pierce's Favorite
Prescription. 1t is positive cure for the
most complicated and obstinate cases OF
leucorrhea, excessive flowing, painful men,
sus, Or falling Of the womb, weak back,
"female weakness" anteversion, retriever
sion, bearing g-down sensations, chrome con-
gestion, inflammation and liberation of the
womb, inflammation, pain and tenderness in
ovaries, accompanied with internal heat"
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

Husband dressing for an evening
entertainment)-"It seems u pitiable
thing to me, my dear, that women
should wear corsets. But women are
weak creatures, at the best" Wife
:" If you really wish me to 60 without
one, John. l will" Husband (hasti-
ly)-" No; certainly not" N. y
Sun.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

Many Of the citizens Of Tulare,
CAL, have been made seriously Ill by
the bites Of big snake SPIDERS which
have appeared In great numbers
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

PRETTY woman is like mustard plas-
ter. She absorbs all q mans attention.
Lust.s Laks Region.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

What Fools These Mortsls BE.
Every man at some period Of his life is
an egregious fool, but BY wise dispense.
tion of Providence no man knows exactly
vtAs that sime is.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

An, THAT TwINGE! You're rheumatic.
Seek relief from Glenn's Sulphur. Soap.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

IT may seem paradoxical, but II is a fact,
nevertheless, that the man who pursues the
even tenor of his ways never gets of his
bass-Roston Courier.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

DON'T disgust everybody by hawking,
blowing and splitting, but use DR.. Sage's
Catarrh Remedyand be cured.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

II is only natural, we suppose, that .
tiller of the soil should dress in Q seedy
manner.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08
Lung Troubles and Wasting

"A NICE, cheap country seat-a stump
1ezas SJtings.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

WHEN an elephant has cold his voice Il
apt to get tusky.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

The fastest leg is thought to be the b.
leg ram Waterloo Observer.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

NATURALLY little yeller-a Chinese
baby.-NorristoVn Herald.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

BEST, easiest to use and cheapest. Piso's
Remedy for Catarrh By druggists. Soc.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

No STRANGER should visit the city withou
smoking "Tansill's Punch" Sc Cigar.
The Grenada gazette., 1887-10-08

How 70 be happy, though nazne6'-
Get along without q hired girl-SyrGeM0
Eernld
The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1887-12-31

Supt. j. N. Porter, 81 Stambaugh ;
station Agent sam. r. Miller OF Iron River aud
Conductor Harry Armstrong were callers az this
Office on Wednesday more opulnr brace Of
gentlemen would be- hard 90 locate. M
Alfred Justified has returned from
Gladstone where he has been located the past
summer and viii take his old position as clerk
In has brothers, A. Justified, store
II. T.. Dunn, over efficient and popular
county clerk and register OF deeds has been alb.
sent during the week He visited Marinette
town on Wednesday He went away the next
day aud took one OF our very popular young
ladies with him.
A. Il. Gumsburg, n popular dry goods
merchant Of Florence was In town ON Wednesday
and attended the club dance Ia the evening
Lou Clapp departed for Escanaba ON
Sunday. where he viii remain until the call 10
open the new hotel az Iron Mountain.
George j. Schwartz and Len, TAYLOR
spent Christmas az Florence They drove down
and back aud made fast time.
Sheriff Mclean attended the spirited
meeting ~ the board Of subcrvisors OF Iron cOun-
~ held here on Thursday
Deputy Game Warden and Mine In
spector Z. Morgan was "A business visitor TO the
Falls on Wednesday.
Jeffery Sullivan, 81 Hancock, spent
NiiiAH'HltlT tltff WIN HiH Iitf'HANf MT hHu MFNs
Edward Sullivan.
VIM. Uren, who is attending n COM
mercial cOlleee ~ Oshkosh, was at home during
the holidays.
Mike Tearney and Herman Buengcr
came IN from the woods Saturday last, 10 spend
Christmas,
A. Justified ofiiciated as county clerk
az the meeting of the board Of supervisors on
Thursday.
Capt Peter Pascoe and son Peter, Of
Champion, Mich, were IN the city ON Thursday.
Mr.. and Mrs. James Brown spent
Christmas at Neeaunee, their former home
Pat Baker, a tensorial artist, 81 Flor
ence looked over the city ou Wednesday.
Popular VI. Gary. Of Iron Mountain.
was ~ town briefly ON Thursday
Supt H. H. Swain spent Christmas
with his family at Marquette
J. b. Clark. the able Iron River attor-
ucy. was la town this week.
Judge Chas. Gallagher was on the sick
ist "a day or $50 this week
Mrs G. l.. shores spent Christmas ut
her home near oconto
A. j. Van Anda, Of Menomincc, was in
town ON Wednesday.