Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1887-09-07
LAST ROSE OF SUMMER.
IN A NEW YORK BoBTAIL CAR.

l have to smoke; I wait to deaden the
smell Of musk and patchouly. Edit
or's Drawer. in Harper's Magazine for
September. 5 T. ~
# CREAM OF MERCY. st
Judge: II will have to give you
thirty days on bread and water"
Vagrant: "Thank you. It's more
than 1 Deserve = sSsg zsassz3.. ss::>2ss
Judge: You think it too severep'"
Vagrant: "Severe! It's the cream
mercy. Why, for the last thirty days
have lived on water alone. Bless you
Judge"
PA AND THE CHILDREN.
A small boy, Tommy Peterby. who is
one of family of ten, was taken out
IN the family carriage with his mother.
As they drove past q small cottage of
three rooms Mrs. Peterby remarked
how pretty it looked.
eyes, it looks very NICE" said
Tommy, "and it wouldn't be bit too
big for our family if it wasn't for pa and
the children. Editors Drawer, in
Harper's Magazine for September.
HOUSEKEEPING EXPERIENCE.
Mrs. Molly Bigman, "a newly mar
ried lady, does not know anything
about housekeeping, but she is anxious
20 have her husband believe that there
IS nothingSin the housekeeping line
that she does not know. He happened
to be in the room when the cook came
and said:
''Wi]l yon please glib me out de
coffee? De water is been a. bilin' dis las
half hour.'' +
'.Let the water boil, Matilda, re-
piled Mrs. Bigman, camly; ''the longer
It boils the stronger it will be" -Editor's
Drawer, in Harper's Magazine for Sep
tember.
:! BON VOYAGE. =
Estelline Bell. "Before being lynch
ed Wednesday night says one of the
Belts Dakota exchanges, "Colonel
Hossdealer handed US 50 and requested
chat the Hayrake be continued to his
family for another year. The colonel
is a gentleman and public-spirited
citizen. Our best wishes accompany
him." -
SELECT COMPANY. '~' ,
The late Professor Benjamin Pierce,
long of Harvard College, and later at
the head of the United States Survey,
was at the time of his death one of the
few very great mathematicians in the
world. A friend once asked him about
a paper of his, "How many men now
alive, do you think, could read that
paper and follow itp''
..Haf dozen, Isuppose, was the
answer.-Ed1tor's Drawer, in Har-
per's Magazine for September.
Brokers' Wife: s'My dear, Johnny
needs pair of new Shoes =. So.
Prominent Broker Chastity reading a
telegram): sHe'n have to wait.
Things look very panicky."
"Mercy! Is there a war in pros
pect?''
'sWorse."
Shave all the crops failed?"
s'Worse; little things like that can be
foreseen and provided against We
may go tramping through the streets
begging bread before the week is over"
Horrors! What's the matter?"
In spite of the doctors orders Jay
Gould has just eaten cucum ber,''
FROM DOWN EAST.
Many arguments appeal to the rustic
New-Englander, but there is one. that
never fails-the argumentum ad
crumenam.
An elderly farmer and his middle
aged son Sam had been spending the
day at the county fair. When it came
to be time to go homeward Sam ap-
peared, rather the worse for his days
pleasuring. e. e. ~
? ..Sam," said his father, ..what .ails
ye? Hain't We got no sense? I don't
care cent about yer takin' a nipper
or so, but how kin we be such a tor
mented fool .ez to 60 and git corned, ez
re be now?"
A CLEAN of trump shone in Sans
watery eye as he answered, "Wot ye
goin' ter do wen folks gin it s.tu YEP
There is no reply known in rural
New England to such reasoning as this.
Editors Drawer, in Harper s
Magazine for September.
THE GANDER GETS GOOSE SAUCE.
Striker Coming home at II P. N.Y.
"Biddy, phwere's me superb
Wife: solve sthruck.s l. can't
work. twinty-four hours d day whin
yersilf won't put in tin.
ATMOSPHERIC INFLUENCE.
An Austin gentleman asked Gus De
Smith if it was hotter in Austin than
In Galveston. Gus replied that Austin
was much the hottest. The Austin
man said that in Austin the thermometer
did not often 60 much higher than
NINETY. ri .s~z.> S:s 4. .53.5.
'That may be" responded Gus, .'but
it is SO cool at Galveston when the
thermometer is ninety that you feel
chilly, and need an overcoat.n Editor's
D-o,vop IN Harporto a..