The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-03-23
flashes Of fnn.

P"Hoo'" ~ "lS
but an eviable reputation, %neverthe-
he is a model man.
-Drummers for a liquor firm
have very little trouble in finding
people who will test their samples.
An exchange talks about an
unsatisfactory funeral" This would
seem to indicate that some funerals
are quite satisfactory.
Even diphtheria hasjust proven
itself worthy of a little favorable
consideration, it having just killed a
parrot in Indiana.
"A correspondent says that
$4,000 in New York don't go very
far" 1t frequently goes as far as
Canada, anyway.
The very heavy canes which
the young men are now carrying
accounts for so many Of them being
round shOuldered in the brain.
The proprietorof famous medi-
cinal spring has been taken violently
i'll, and fears are entertained that he
has been drinking some Of the water.
1t is said that the President
dosen't dare go out riding, nowadays
for fear of running over a candidate
tor an Interstate commerce COM
missioner.
-"Chestnuts" yelled several per-
sons in the gallery at the minstrel
show. That's right gentlemen"
responded Bones. eff you don't get
what you want, ask for it,
-"Prisoner, do you admit that you
stole this purse of diamondsY'
eyes, your honor, but | do not
believe l was then in my right mind.
l know now they were only imita-
ton"
Where shall we find rest 2 asked
a religious weekly, to which n of
Il exchanges answers: My dear
sir, the best place to find rest, and
plenty of it, is to become a clerk in
a dry goods store that does not
ADVERTISE"
Clara: Oh, John! what lovely
flowers! They look as if they had
just been gathered. Why, there's
a little dew upon them"
John somewhat embarrassed,)-
Due upon them! Not a cent: Clara,
/ assure you not a cent.
Tramp: Say sis! is your pop
editor of the Bugtown Clarion?
Sis: That's what they call him in
these parts.
Tramp: Well, jes' ask him if he
don't want to hire an experienced
man jest off a New York daily to
swear to the circulation.
Mrs Brimmer: Is that Mr.. G a
Spaniard?
Mr.. A: Why no.
Mrs. B: | don't see how he can
be a bulL-fghter, then,
Mr.. B: Who said he was a bull
fighter?
Mrs. B: You, yourself, said he
always "took the bull by the horns"
Husband Since I had my hair
cut this hat has been very large for
me, and tonight it is larger than
ever.
Wife: Yes, it is larger. Where are
you going?
H: To the club, to be sure
W: In that ase you need not
worry; the hat will fit better on
your return, for in the interim your
head will grow.
Uncle Primrose: Where you git
dat yer pulIet, Clawed Clay?
Clawed: [ done win him in de
rattle.
Uncle Primrose: You's lynn; all
dem raf1er ckichens wuz dead ones
picked and ready for cookin'.
Clawed: Dis one wuz in a trawnce,
INK Primrose, en- fob the lawd, he
come to an put on he's leaders
when [ winned him an he done see
he wuz in sech safe comp'ny.
Did you ask fit was cold in Da-
kota? Why, only two weeks ago |
raised my window and the wind car
rled my hat out. It cost Sc, but it
was too cold to 90 after it. Sudden
ly a bright DEF struck me. [ raised
the window and took a pitcher of
water and poured il on to the hat.
What good did that do? Don't you
see? The stream froze solid into a
long icicle, which l drew up hand
over hand, and got my hat.