The Hot Springs star. (Hot Spings [Hot Springs], Dakota [Dakota Territory, i.e. S.D.]) 1886-189?, 1887-11-04
WIT N


WIT AND HUMOR.
The greatest fault Of the selfsmade
man Is that he wants to make every.
BODY else In his own mold.-B0teiMors
AmeyicaN.
We don't want to disparage that
frnit called american statesman.n
but q good deal Of it ID picked before
it's ripe.-Ruck.
When the millennium comes along
Wall street brokers will be found
working it for q stock movements
Baltimore american.
The chinch bug eats the farmers
grain, the bee moth spoils his honey,
the bed bug fills him full Of pain, the
humbug scoops his money.-Fsavomio
(1ez.) argus.
A "milk trust" company has been
organized in Chicago. to include all
the milk producers. The distrust com.
pany will include the consumers. a.
formerly.-San francisco Post.
An Omaha real estate man was at
tackled by three footpads the other
night. He killed one and forced the
other two to buy a thirty days option
on town lots.-Pe0riG Transcript.
Caller-Were you about to GO out,
Mrs. Perkinsp Mrs. Perkins-Ycs,
but don't let that hurry you away.
| Gallery, it isn't Of tho slightest con.
sequence. I'll leave my card.-7vd-
Bits.
Most of our emigrants could come
in free of duty as raw material for
building political parties. The fellow
that knows something is what the
politicians don't want.-DuluM Para.
grapher.
1t is thought at Newport that IL the
Duke of Marlborough isn't admitted
to the celestial mansions they will he
SO plebeian that it won't be worth
while for anybody else to occupy them.
Judge.
eyes," said q convalescent and
classic patient, ssevcn the Greeks suf-
fered with the ill lad" "Possibly,"
remarked the doctor, s'as your COM
plant was rather odd-I-see. "-DuluM
Photographer.
An exchange speaks of s'the ideal
grumblcr." He is not likely to be-
come as popular as the ideal ssgrowl-
en-" The latter, we've been told, holds
about q quart. The ideal grumbler
NAV hold morc.-N0rrtst0wn Herald.
Young Mr.. Sissy Ito his pretty
cousin)-"Aw 1 tell my barber. you
know, never to shave up, always to
shave down." Pretty cousin-s'l fail
to see how he could shave anything
else but down, Charley."-New Hork
Sun.
The novcl-writers are fond of quot
ing the determination of their heroine
to sell her life as dearly as possible.
They probably would have us to un-
derstand chat sle intends to marry
an old man for his money.-Boston
transcript.
We observe by the fashion maya
zines that the fall styles of hats for
ladies will he two stories high with q
cupola and IL sombrero brim. The
hats will be especially noticeable at
churches and theatcrs. Nothing else
will.-Mmneapolis Tribune.
Quite a slice of the surplus might be
used in buying new fall bonnets for
all the ladies Of every Territory add
mitied to the Union. The children of
mothers coming into tho Union in q
new bonnet would always be loyal
Louisville CoW,ley-JournaL
There is trouble in the st. Louis
gas works because the company is try
ing to dock the men who are laid off
when the noon shines in lieu of the
gas lamps. The logical remedy for
this outrage would he to boycott the
moon.-Ncw orleans Rcayune.
misunderstanding ready for the
opera? Wifc-Yes, dear. H.-D,ye
know why Il woman getting ready for
the opera reminds me of an u%nplucked
fowl? W.-Not knowing, can't say.
H.-Because she has to be undressed
to be disqualification Courier.
The New Hampshire lawmakers.
like those in Massachusetts, refused to
give municipal suffrage to women, but
they also have just taken good care to
protect milk cans. Reason why:
The owners of milk cans have votes;
women have nonc.-Boston W0mGn's
Journal.
The evidences of a divine adjust
ment OF terrestrial affairs steadily &C.
cumulate. The harmonious order of
things challenges the atheists atten-
ton. just now we observe at the
close of the summer vacation come
the autumn lcaves.-DuluM Para
grGpher.
Say, Watson" said Bagley, "you
know jerks. What sort Of a fellow
is he? He has owed me a bill for over
year. Is he honcstp" ..Yes," said
Watson slowly; "Jenks is honest;
there's no doubt about that; but it takes
hiM a long time to find it out."-JOur.
natot Education.
Gotham doctor-well, Mr.. Sharp,
how do You feel this morningp Jake
sharp-Worse. much worse. 1.-THE
court has ordered a stay of proceed
lngs." "Eh? Say, sneak in a pair of
Indian clubs, won't your I want to
stretch myself. World.
Some Lincoln gentlemen have dis
agreed as to the relative merits Of
their babies, and will submit the mat
ter to arbitration. The umpire of q
Dase ball game will begin to think that
he leads q ecure and peaceful life
when lie sees the referee Of this baby
show lodging tho parents whose babies
get left.-LincOkN journal.
A contemporary asks: ibid It ever
occur to anybody that il the women of
TINS country should march an n,aase I'm