Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-08-18
A HUSBAND AND FATHER.

There was time when looked upon
the author of "Helen's Babies" as con-
founded-no, consumate falslfer. My
wife says that nothing but the durest and
most refined language should be used IN
the presence of children, and that they
are never too young to be impressed by
the sound arounl them; consequently all
we'll, I'll call them rcible-expressions
have been avoided since the advent OF
of Alphonse, our eldest boy; and since
the arrival of belmont the most subdued
and pathetic looking man that walks the
streets of G-answers to the name of
"Pa," not only at our house, but on the
street, from back yards and alleys, from
anywhere and everywhere. Now, as L
was saying, instead of looking upon the
author as man who manufactured all of
those yarns, I'm prepared to say the half
was never told, or else those youngsters
were too SAINT like to live to mans estate.
Why, only last week, from the hinder
end of a street car, l heard shouts of
"Papaw "Papa" and caught glimpse
of some little ragamuffins who looked like
[ couldn't tell exactly whom, but [
grinEed with delight when thought they
are some other fellows boys getting a
free ride, and he, poor fellow, will soon
be chasing around after police officers,
and their whole neighbOrhood will be in
an uproar till the ''little dears" are found.
AS the car passed me rather rapidly,
did not give them second glance, but
soon found myself at the bank where 1
have the honor of being cashier. An
hour later, when deep in conversation
with the president and several of the
directors, with a "Beg pardon for the in
corruption, but you are wanted 1mmed1-
ately," I saw big, brawny policeman be-
fore me, who said, John SMITH"
My brain reeled, my knees shook, and
in the second that interviewed before the
entire system collapsed. Like drowning
man, I reviewed my whole past life. Had
I. in moment of alteration of mind or
somnambulism, robbed the bank? Con-
Guiding that had, I was just off, when
"I'!l find pa myself, DEL" and "Shut up,
Alph," shouted in the next room, acted as
a tonic, and once more blood flowed
my veins, and my heart attended to its
legitimate business.
The door opened, and the smiles of the
company did not. add to my complacency
as l looked upon the boys, who, after
washing their faces in molasses, had Gov
OIOu blO AOHOl paw WAOh PAW hSSNAOO
(my wife intended to use them for stuff
fling ''head rest"), and made ''whiskers
just like papa's," they said, and after &C
cidentally killing one Of the bantams l
had bought the day before, they had pulled
out the feathers and ornamented their
heads.
When the policeman "tOok them in'
they told him they "were going to the
20 ho 10 xyic,
man-at least he thought himself one
concluded to accompany them and save
the distress of the family if their loss be-
came known"
gave the man five dollars and told him
1 would double it if he would take thsm
to their mother Immediately. That little
job off my hands went back to business,
to be slightly annoyed, however, by the
ectastic expression that had overspread
the face of Brown, the teller, who, Pm
sure, has never quite forgiven me for win
ming Julia.
The more [ thought the more wrathy
grew, and decided that both boys should
be ogged-severely logged notwith
standing l had very acute recollections of
my own childhood, and had thought it
possible to greatly improve upon Solo
hOu my 1dbu6I uuSGlIOu. w q udC
tried love through thick and thin, though
when they were trying to pick out little
Katharine's eyes my wife did shake them,
and when Alph tipped over the steplad-
der to get Del off she threatened to whip
him.
When / went to dinner two such gentle
manly little fellows met me at the door
and held up their sweet and rosy faces
for kiss, / hadn't the heart to disturb the
unusual serenity, and thought it best to
overlook their little (?) pranks that time.
"Please, papa, will you forgive u.s." each
little boy had said, ana-well, perhaps
you can understand how 1t ended.
Alphonse is years old and Delemont
Al and the other day my wife said it was
quite time they were in Sunaay-school.
1t was almost to much to risk them in
class with other children, so she decided
to experiment by taking then to church
herself.
suggested "hea5ache," but when she
looked at me so reproachfully and re-
marked, Gas the twig is BENT" etc., and
I knew what she thought of my DISPOSE
ton, concluded to do my duty by my
family, let modification and everything
else stand in the way. Everything III
church was so new and strange, they sat
almost motionless and in open eyed won
der during the first part of the service !,
and l was congratulating myself upon
finding one place where I could rest,
when they slipped from the seat to some
hassocks, and Julia whispered, ''The little
angels are so tired"
DR.. B-was trying to elucidate a
scientific problem, and I was wondering
how many of the congregation were aslep
when a familiar smell reached my nostriIs.
I glanced at my wife, and 1 saw that my
sense of smell had not deceived me, and
with mothers intuition she had dis
covered the culprits. Those little wretches
had cigsrs, and Alphonse had evidently
lighted one and taken Whit, while Del
was chewing the other. I'll not attempt