Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1887-04-16

IE+l ll
The principal reason why there s.
such q lsrga attendance at Ehs Ehstasgs
I IS thaton the stage Filiany Is punished
and virtue is adequately rewarded
which is seldom the case in real life.
Most people are lovers Of Justice, aud
are willing to pay money to see It car
red ouss even if It Is only on the stage.
Being DESTROYS Of seeing a villain
/ punished I went early 70 the theater,
and got very nice seat in the orches-
ira had an unobstruoted view Of the
stage Then the orchestra, Ike g can
dldate On election day began gradually
TO iii up. Then my trouble began.
and as IS usually the case, there was a
woman at the bottom oft Ny trouble
was a big tall hat, the ostrich feather on
the top Of which seemed to tickle the
the big chandelier. There was a go-
man at the bolton of this hat, and she
sat right IN front of me and obstructed
my view of the middle Of the stage
where the william as g general thing,
gives up the ghost.
was congratulating myself with the
nope that the villain might possibly
perish nliserably on the side OF the
stage and I'd have a chance to gloat
over MIN, when another female
came IN and sat alongside OF the one
mentioned. She had on hat
that had fioWing-garden on the root;
u closed out entirely the view on the
LETT. Unless the villain was kind enough
to peSSeI on the extreme right, my
chances Of seeing him draw his last
breath were very slim.
saw very little of what was happen
ing during the first act. There was Q
man sitting next to me. I think he was
from the West. When the curtain
went down, he went ont, suffering with
rage the hats having Distracted his
view too. He must have been a me-
dunn, for he had a spirit call between
each act. As he passed out, he almost
knocked the tall WOmRn's hat of with
his elbow, and he trOd on my toes be-
sides. When he came back, he almost
Knocked the other hat OF, and walked
about some more on my corns. The
ladies looked around ct him but he
never quailed; such is the stimulating
effect Of a Glove.
He was IN a ta1kative mood, and turn
ing to me, he said, IN a whisky-laden
whisper, Il wish the men IN the theaters
would put on their tall hats, Just to see
how the women would like It"
have read, 1 replied, chat some
genius has invented theater hat that
shuts up, the same to be worn by Ia
dies"
"a tall ladies' theater hat that shuts
down would answer the purpose better,
said he. II was reading a piece in the
paper the other day that in Corea wo-
men wear hats, In and out OF doors,
which vary In height from three to six
feet, and that there has not been q
theatrical performance In Corea for the
last four years. I don't wonder at It, {"
continued the inebriate, Winlking at me
L think the ladies IN front of us must
have overheard our conversation, for
one said to the other, evidently talking
az us: Its a pity some genius cant
invent something that viii hold q man
IN his seat between the acts. "
Eyes, replied the other lady; "but
instead OF hat that can be shut up In
the theater, man who could be shut
up would be very desirable"
The inebriate WINGED a little, and
said to me: IAN eminent scientist at
tributes the extraordinary longevity Of
a woman who died In Boston at the age
of ia to the fact that she never wore q
high hat In q theater."
One Of the tall hats bObbed about in
dignantly as the owner remarked
"Ihe vigorous health of a Philadelphia
man, now in his One-hundredth year
Is due to the fact that he never went
out between the acts to make astro-
nomieat observations through a glass,
and came back with q breath strong
enough to draw a full house. "a
"Ihere is a consolation" remarked
the man from the West, ''in case there
is a fire; the woman with a big hat viii
have it jammed down over her eyes,
and she viii never get out alive.
The woman with the hOWer-garden on
the dome OF her hat was silent for a
moment, and then she said, 'The man
who keeps his mouth shut never lets
the public know what an ignoramus he
Is.
She had the last word, for the West
ern man'had temporarily exhausted his
ammunition. He made no reply. There
were several people IN our immediate
vicinity who made uncomplimentary re-
marks about other people who talk too
much in the theater. One suggested
that some people who brought their
mouths with them to the theater should
be compelled to leave them outside and
get a check for them, as is done with
umbrellas at the art gallery.
I left the theater before the per
Torrance was over. didn't get to see
the stage at all. I was dazed by the
conversation Of the Western man, and
limp yet from the injuries my toes
sustained by his walking about on
them.
Is there no way to suppress the three
great theatrical nuisances, viz, tall
hats, irrelevant conversation, and going
ont between the acts ?--4lec Street, IN
HGTper's Weekly