The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1887-06-05
THE WOES OF A PRINTER.
The Trials and Troubles of Which
No one KnOWeth.

plumber and other tradesmen lettetn
no man tell them about their business,
but each patron of the printer patron
izeth him and telleth him how to do the
job and what to charge for it.
A customer 'ordereth a job OF tickets
on six ply railroad cardboard, and
getteth the price and everything under
stood. Then when the printer, to save
trouble in making ready, maileth him
proof on paper, he cometh rushing
down by the early morning train and
teareth up seven fiighths of stairs, red
hot, to the printing Office and telleth the
printer profanely that he doth not
not want it on paper-that ne Wantetn
the job on cardboard: that he ordered
card board, and that paper is too thin
and won't do at all and that he thought
the printer understood it was to be
cardboard sand not paper, eJc., and
fireth off his mouth with exceeding
vehemence and distributeth much red
paint ere the printer can get in word
edgewise. Then the printer remarketh
quietly that it is only proof he sub
mitted, yet the last thing the customer
sayeth as his mouth retreateth through
the door is, BE sure and have it on
card board"
And the printer man goeth into the
back office and cheweth up handful of
| four-line plea quads to relieve his feel
| ings. And 10! there cometh TO the
printer man accompanied by desire
| for tifty-cent job of silver polish or
blueing tables and $50 pounds pressure
of wind. And he bloweth off the wind
at the printer man in talking about the
| JOB, its purposes. and what it should be
| done for, and then retireth with the
| job apd seeketh elsewhere, among other
| printer men to see if he may get it done
| for 1917 cents.
| Then there is the man who hath
| scheme for advertising, whereby with
the aid of the printer he may be made
suddenly and surreptitiously wealthy.
| And if the printer listeneth credulously
| and printeth for him he sticketh him
even as the entomologist sticketh bug.
and cutteth him wide open like unto
| the butcher with the fatted calf.
And the travelling doctor or patent
medicine man cometh TO SEE the
printer, and he hath much strut to
print-more even than he putteth in his
bottles-and he begileth the printer to
print for him, by paying promptly for
the first job. And when he payeth he
| showeth pOcketbook with stuHIng q la
Vanderbiltor Gould, and the printer
| fears are at rest But he payeth not
for the second lot. not the third, nor the
! fourth, and perhaps he getteth fifth
lot and payeth not; then he cometh not
again, but skippeth like unto the flea or
the grasshopper, and no man knoweth
where he alighteth.
And there cometh also the man who
always getteth work done cheaper else
where, but, if so he doth, why he still
goeth not elsewhere but troubleth the
pious and peaceful is a marvel no printer
understandeth. He cometh in and he
asketh the price on a Job, and the
printer telleth him calmly it will cost
him 81 per thousand, which per-
chance is less than it is worth. Then is
| the man all prepared and braoed up,
and he jumpeth back like unto the hop
toad he jumpeth, his eyes start from
their sockets, his hair standeth up Ia
pompador, and he ssyeth: Verify have
l never paid more than 30 cents thou
sand in San Francisco, Moscow, or in
Yokohama"
And the printer sayeth: We are not
running Moscow or Yokohama prices.
That is our price, and verify it is low. "
4AOh VIC StA oAe,OA "a UOIAOSh OA VIZ 20
orhitance of the printers prices, and
telleth him how he can afford to do II
cheaper, and wonderful why printing
costs so much here. He acteth as il the
printer were trying to gouge him
though as yet he hath done him nc
work, nor doth he wish to-snd much
abuseth the forebearing printer, yet he
lingereth as il he wished him to do the
job, but the printer sticketh to his 81 6
thousand, and the visitor sayeth he vii
not pay 81 a thousand and departeth
and slammeth the door like unto rail-
road collision.
And there cometh likewise unto thu
printer the man who wisheth 500 posta
cards printed, the printer to furnish the
same. And when the printer sayeth thu
expenses will be $6.40 he looketh amazed
and sayeth the last lot he had cos
him but S4.75.And he goeth away mucl
hurt.
Lol therefore, doth the printer have
many benefactions no other maj
|; knoweth. And every man who handletl
paper, the rag-picker, the paper-manu
printer, and he groweth not rich yer.
: rapidly.
The paper man selleth him sheets As
to the rean, and he giveth 500 to hal
E thousand. And the typefounder ma
!, selleth job founts of type made u
largely of the characters E, &c, &c, @, +
. and much other foolishpess undetaila
l BILE, and he thus payeth for sewers
;, pounds of metal he hath no earthly US
+ for, thong it may count in the sheol
= box.
Yet for all this the printer wreaketh
! sort of vicarious vengeance on the pee
e pie who question his prices, his tast
;. and his count. He printeth labels an
e bills for the patent medicine man beal
Z ing promises to do all sorts of impossl
T bilities, which tue public as eagerl
: swallow as they do the decoctions; fl
o medicine, the most vital of all profe
: sioDs, is the only one in which if maj
through the medium of the printe
e declareth himself an adept he will
g believed. Thus are things made pa
e tally eYen.-The Paper World.
% Rough on Catarrh"