The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1887-12-31
Evils of Gift Giving.

Sham and show, perplexity, annoyance,
and extravaganza have crept into the Gus
tom of gift-giving. Though one may make
a gift out of the depth of the heart, and do
it becomingly and unassumingly, yet it
seems as if dozen influences were bearing
on him to force him into greater expense
than he can afford, or to give where he is
reluctant to do so, or where he must make
a show of the article given. Quiet, unos-
tentatious, spontaneous giving shines
brightly, when we find it amid the dreary
heartlessness, the gaudy show, and the
heartburnings that often accompany the
formal giving that is part of social life.
The reader may call to mind some we'd
ding or birthday anniversary that she is
invited to help celebrate. The problem Of
all problems, even outranking the common
"What shall l wear?" then is, aWhat
present shall l send2" 1t is not enough
to go and participate in the social duties
and to be cordial in well-wishine and con-
graduation, for none of this will pardon
the neglect or oversight of the gift. There
will be the question, "Where is Mrs. Jack
sons present? ?' and then the unpleasant
comment if she has made none. So Mrs.
jackson sets out to find some compromise
between pride and purse, perhaps poverty,
something that costs no more than abso.
lutely compulsory, and yet looks as if it
were worth great deal more, something
that the other guests will not look at slight
ingly, if not speak of contemptuously, or
at least think of in the same spirit,
And then the guests compare these
proxies Of themselves and put themselves
on exhibition, after fashion, about in the
same way that they would do if they were
to stand up before a committee of critics
and have the style and elegance of their
clothing passed upon, The show is at last
over, but the jealousies and heartburnings
remain, the fear that rcspectability has been
endangered by the insignifcance of the
gift, or the overtOpping consciousness Of
few that they each made the best, or one
of the best, presents of the lot.
Afterward, as is more or less the custom
in some parts of the country, the names
of tho donors and brief description of
their gifts appear in some newspaper, there
to undergo further comparison and criticism
and all the train of accompaniments.
Finally, if the present was valuable enough,
it may find its way to shop where dupli-
cate presents are bought and sold, so little
did the receiver care about the personality
of the giver, Or of such little use is it to the
recipient among several other presents of
the same kind.
Gift extortion and compulsory gift-mak-
ing are little less than sinful, if they fall
short of that. Gifts are by no means always
the token of friendship, and, when com
bined With the abuses that are often made
to accompany them, they are demoralizing,
they are unpleasant features of what take
the form of duties, and they are dark spots
in social life.
Something is wrong when a present is
made test of social standing, or when it
is made the prerequisite for performing
social act. There is an opportunity for
reform when what is apparently friendly
deed is confessedly empty of honest intent,
when it is burdensome, annoying, compul-
sorry, false-hesEted, or made for show, OF
evidence of wealth, or merely for social
conformity.
The only excuse that one can make for
these abuses of gift-making is that theiz.
compulsory features have the-eti1eods Of put
ting people into sSesbabis Of making pres
ents at time when their friendly feelings
have not become strong enough to prompt
the act unaided. With the growth Of these
feelings, the castom gradually gets bet
ter and surer foundation, and stands more
plainly in harmony with civilization. A
gift should be an embodiment of sentiment,
from which cost should be totally divorced
as an element of weight, and with which no
social compulsion should be linked, except
the compulsion of a spontaneous expression
of feeling. The world is not good enough
for this yet, but some attempt, if only fee
BILE one, if general enough, would be green
oasis in the social desert.