Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1887-11-25
H4H AID ROlgl.

ElAH AID l-L4Es
A LITTLE Burlington boy gave, as the
definition Of oupidity. -IoTe-aickneFs.
Buying t0H Free Press.
TIE man who wrote 20, solitude.
where are thy charms? ?" was a bus dness
man who didn't advertise.-Z'erGs SIT
S9Bgs,
A YOUNG man wants TO Join a q arctic
expedition, because he is ambi Eious TO
move In the highest onclea-T6ras
Siftings.
FATHER Cafter finishing the botEIe)-
> Ell, I wish my throat was mile long.
Intelligent child-Papa, I'd rather see
the bottle a mile long.
THERE seems to be a sort Of cross be-
tween culture and hay fever IN a good
many Eastern Pulpits Whisre they speak
Of the Bible as the "Weiled Of Gawd.
NEVER stocp to carrying on a noe
turnaI cOurtship on the 'front.' piazza
especially If the street lamp IN fEont Of
the house happens to be lighted. Carl
PretzeL.
A LITTLE boy in East Nashville heard
his sister say that Adam was thu first
man, and when he was asked who the
first woman was, replied. Adams
mother"
How FOOLISH It Is to make fun of the
homemade hustle There is not a girl
who makes her own hustle but is backed
by some Of the most influential papers
Of the times.
AN agricultural writer says: "Wo-
men have handled chickens and bees
with profit This may be good way of
handling chickens, but bees should be
handled with gloves
Mrs. FoGG-Mrs. Brown called to-
day. What good company she isl You
| can't imagine what a good time we had
FOgg-I suppose nOts but whom did
| you say you were talking about BIOS
ton Transcript
"PAPA," she said, entering the old
mans room, George Is In the parior,
and / have broken the dreadful news
/ TO him that you have failed. what
| did he say 2" "He wants to know what
/ you paid on the dollar--NeaU York
/ sam.
eAIY dear" said the elegant Mr..
SmoOthemdown to his wife, "why this
unprecedented delay in the preparation
| of the matutinal refreshment? "If
| You mean why breakfast amt ready,
/ it's because you were too lazy to get up
and split the wood.
YOUNG man, said the minister, i'm
| pressively, 81 can see you as you sat at
] the gaming-table last night with deep
| red hush on your face. " Excuse me,
but you're wrong about that deep red
/ flush. Bill Jenkins had it in his hand. 4"
- WashiTgtO7 Critic.
/ "THAT man seems to have an antipa-
/ thy to cleanliness, " remarked the High
/ School girl to her mother as a dirty
/ tramp passed up the street. j don't
/ know about that, " replied the old lady,
I "but 1 think he hates like everything to
/ wash himself. Pitts lLTgh Chronicle.
! Down in Florida when a man feels
I that he is being imposed upon, he gen
1 orally takes measures to do away with
! tho nuisance. A man named Cook on
/ the Indian River, became so exasper-
ated over the continued drumming on
/ piano, that he started out with a shot
gun and killed the piano player, Hoyt
by name--PecA's San.
"AHl" he exclaimed, as he
found her sitting in the cleaning,
! 'you seem to be profoundly meditat-
ing" eyes, Charley" said the young
/ beauty. II was thinking" Contrast
! ing, 1 presume, the golden present
Z with the beautiful beyond ?" "No; ]
was thinking what if a later bug should
! crawl up my back. "-NeLUmGIL hide
! pendent
An inquisitive American journalist
while visiting a newspaper office IN Lon
don asked the proprietor whom he re-
garded as his best editorial writer.
IAN old fellow named Mason, " the pro-
/ prietor replied. "I suppose you value
him on account Of his scholarly style
and depth of discussion. " "Oh, 7 don t
know about that, but you see his editO-
rails all turn a column about three
inches and half "-ATbaHsal0 Trap
eleT.