The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-08-11

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A man is seldom very much hated I'M
til he is successful ~ sd
The Gar is called His August Majesty,
because he reigns in a summary tanner.
Boston Transcript.
"A cross dog will make the upper strand
of a barbed wire-fence feel soft as downy
pillows are-Achdsom Champion.
. A correspondent wants to know how
long eelslye. About the same as short
cells we suppose.-Is1as Syjangs.
IF some men knew as much as they
talked there woulden't be any saleff for the
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT Journal. $
Johnnie says, that out of school: his
teacher is lamb-like, and that in school she
is Iamms like to: -MoroMom Independent.
The truth stares a man in the face in
the following words found in a summer
hotel advertisement ;21>AFishing unap-
proachable. "-Htoes Hell. Z IL
p Young men are respectfully informed
that when the young lady's father stamps
his foot he is preparing to send it through
the male.-NeW Haven Neaps. ( r.
An English writer says: "The girl Of
England stands alone" That's just, the
difference; the girl of America always has
ahost of admirers about rher-SomerviHe
journal. ~ ?.
Bystander: doctor, what do you
think Of this mans injuries" Doctor:
"Hump! Two of them are undoubtedly
fatal but, as for,the rest of them, time alone
can tell."-7sras Syjftimgs.
ut is love hat makes the world go
round" we are Informed by the poets. It
is a somewhat a notable fact that a very
limited quantity of poor whiskey will pro
duce the same efect.-Merchant Thoyezer.
A Philadelphia woman, not yet forty
years old, draws salaries amounting to up
ward of SIS, 900 a year. Sit down, ladies
sit down. She draws the salaries as
cashier to pay off the hands.-DetroH Free
Press.
An agricultural exchange asks chow to
make hogs pay" This is a hard question
to nswer The best way to avoid the
difficulty is not to sell a hog anything un-
less he pays you for it in advance
Travellers Record.
Mamma Ito Walter, who has just re-
turned from his first experience with a
fishing rod)-What, back so soon?
Walter-Yes'm; I thought I'd come home,
The worms were so nervous l couldn't
get EN- on the hooks-Harpers Bazaar.
"Let us dine together" said the native
king to the missionary. "With great
pleasure replied the good man; "but I
must be host" II have planned it diff
ferently," said the king, with a bleak light
in his eye; "you shall be the dinner
Natal Times.
A Cincinnati girl met with a severe &C
cident the other day. She was leaning
over a pot of boiling coffee when it explo-
ded and scalded her frightfully. Some
thing always happens when a girl steps
out of her proper sphere. Whoever heard
of a piano exploding?
A Berlin newspaper claims to have dis
covered the longest word in any language,
but it is only a line and two-thirds in
length. The longest word that has ever
come under our notice is the clergyman's
"One word more, and then l will close"
1t would make about a column.-Norris-
to,rn Herald.
Oh, Rowena!" exclaimed Vo1tigero
Tapemeasure, dropping on his knees with
out a struggle: "your beauty fires my
heart" "My daughter" said old Heng-
list Wheatcorner, entering the ROOM: 81
will divide the contract with you; 1 fire
the rest of him." Which he did.-Brook-
Ign Eagle.
my son." said Mr.. Spriggins to his
little son, who was d~evouring an egg-it
was Mr.. Spiggin's desire to instruct his
boy-"my son, do you know that chick
ems come out of eggs?" "Do they,
father? said the young hopeful; ~
thought the reverse" The elder Sprig-
gins drew back from the table sadly, and
gazed on his son, then put on his hat and
went out. 5aZGi
"Don't call me Shorty, you little
cuss," answered the man Of low stature:
IF you do I'll warm your jacket" "Ain't
yer name Shorty ?" replied the kid. mo.
it amt Shorty" said the man. "Den
don't answer an git mad when somebody
yells Shorty, if yer nome amt Shorty. l
was talkin' to Shorty. If yer amt the
man I was talkin' ter what's the matter
wild yer?" said the youngster.
Omaha Man-You gave a tramp some
thing to eat yesterday, didn't you?
Young Wife-Yes, poor fellow.
Gave him some of your sponge cake,
didn't you?
"Why, yes, so I did. Why?
Nothing. The paper says the body of
e man who had evidently died in great
agony was found in the willows this