The Sunday herald., 1887-01-16
THE MAN IN THE CLUB WINDOW


"Thanks awfally, you know, and all that sort OF
thing" but believe that will take my old seat
here, Just to the social procession go by. It has
its drum major and band, Its oficers and non.com.
missioned officers, It's rank and ne, and the usual
riff.rar which procession always brings ont. II
seems, then that for rcrposes OF observation, philo
scpnlcal rejection, good fellowship, and "seelne
ourselves as others see us" the club window is the
place from which TO view poor humanity at its best
and TO pull down the blinds when q veil needs TO be
drawn over It's foibles. II may he necessary at
times to erect mortar In the window for the pur-
pose OF dropping au occasional is.inch shell into
some OF the more exasperaiing shams and frauds In
this little world that may be masqueradiug as real
lace or sterling silver. the shell will not be "loadcd
for bear" however, and may In exploding accom-
plish lite purpose by scattering aud reducing the
social Inflammation. In any event, N Il s necessary
at times to do little surgery on the body polite,
the patient shall be provided with every antscptlc,
and the operating table will have all OF the modern
conveniences
Heol who is this coming down the street Let
me see; think know tina, face, albeit the hair is
frosted bit, but there Is no mlstaking the merry
twinkle OF the eye and the air OF stalwart soldier.
ship that marks the erect ngure and elastic step
full twenty eight inches II mistake NOT, IT'S one
OF the old anle 6elunt Second Cavalry, Albert sgd.
ney Johnstons regiment, and his maiden name was
Palmerl Yes, may live on hard-tack forever " II
isn't lnns n. Palmer, who "carvedn out. "in q
way that ali admired n generals commission In
the late misery In the bloody years of6i 9, u, =, s.
Now, although by no means in the lean aud slip
pered pants,oon, he doth take his wel.earned case
In bis nn on the retired lis, and hath cakes aud ale
galore TO sustain him to attend the anal ro-call.
hope there won't be any bcastly national long roll
Npa lus,,
whom the King lelghtcth to honor.
This ls only one of my clubs, please bear IN mind.
man needs TO belong to more than one club.
otherwise there Ia danger OF his becoming morbid
and settling down into antipaihles aud general
grumpiness. There's Jones, OF the Carbineers, for
Instance. The matter with that warrior Is that he
lives too much at the club, and he has grown to he
as fussy and nagglug as an old crone. lie may be
called the Setting Hen OF the club. lie Is the first
man on his nest every day. His favorite place to
make 1t is the smokng.room Here he sits in state
and takes In everything that goes on, or comes In.
He wears a scowl which says as plain as day, "who
the devil are you7' lie prides himself on having
everybody's record at the tip OF his fingers, and
always comes out uucommonly strong when he Ia on
the committee Of membership. on those occasions
he feels that he Is carrying the whole business on
HIS shoulders and Is tremendous stlckler for birth
and position as requisites for membership. Jones
has had soft place here all his e and the Secretary
or Administration don't live that can ever move him
or the Washington Monument. He had what Army
men call "faucy du'y' most OF the time. He has
worn, on New Years Day, the guady trappings Of
war.
That isn't DE Pusleys trap he is a!ightlug from,
| hut belongs to young Won Greenback, of New Yorf,
whose father is up In the millions, wabash ana
aOcCulatiOnS. ne jea
Government clerk with Unsuitable social aspirations
who does surreptitious work for the Government
and chafrs under the restraint thereof. His associ
ates are carefully chosen for their ability to minister
to these cravings OF De Pusley Although not born
to the social purple he has by dint OF dull respect,
| ability and tuft hunting achieved the proud EN-.
neuce OF an authority. His secret Joy Is that OF the
old darkey who was never owned by anybody bu
| "de quality" lie and Won Greenback are having
"a bit OF q haver,n as the Scotch say on the pave
ment
De Pusley-"Come In, old man, and let's poison
ourselves. have been to six receptions, four teas
one breakfast, and a luncheon, and am all broker
up. It's the tea, mag be the pourer. that's gotter
into my head BY Jove, believe It's that piece OF
BRIDES cake ate at Senator wayback's; that bran,
Of cake always flies to my head"
Won observation-disclosures, me pal; III just tell m,
man to drive me home, then III take Turkish bath
have in the manicure people, brace up with half {
bottle OF champagne, get into my evening things
and go to that Internal dinner at the Van shrimps
friends of my Governor"
Then these ornaments to society light their cga
rettes elaboratey and exchange winks, De Puse,
languishes up the club steps. gives a supercillou
glance into the reading-room at Its sole occupant
Admiral Capstand, who scowls ominously at him 10
an instant, and then resumes his paper. De Pusle,
then goes into the bllllard-room and wins month";
expenses at pool from Blazes, Of the one Hundre,
l apIN Ntnel, Tnfa anti nytta
All There Is the very man have been looking for
young Crusher, the omnipresent and omnirerou
Crusher who will go to anything where there is te
however SO weak, dai ling however so restricted
or petticoat however so plain His range is es
tremely wide, land extends from Cabinet Minister
to hotel hop. His ideas abou, the wilderness tn
other side Of Fourteenth street are very hazy. II
can recall only the public buildings and the Capito
although he born down in Fourand a.half stree
and has not been very long OF Of his native heath
Crusher is not without thrift In pushing hlmse
y socially. He began business with very small cap
tai In the way Of respectable commercial parents
good figure, good pair OF heels, small stock c
Il well-studled conventional small talk, CLEANED nrl
e from the society papers, and afterwards ampline
o into authoratye platitudes about what he calls b
q ''set." Crusher Will smile smile of complacenC
. equal to Malyolio's when gartered In yellow stool
lngs, when he Is addressed as "Captan" by the cu
1. porter, who has staid admiration for him and n
produces him in his own colored circles as far as
can. He scars with the young Army and Navy fe
lows SO much that he fances himself one of theu
It and thinks nothing but an unappreclative Cover
n ment and a cruel fate has reegated and doomt
Or him to the treadmill of cerkshp. When he Is oil
10 gray, bald, or fat and rheumatic, future generation
IN Of club men will be bored with his er.cdthedi
Il mumbngs on the decadence OF society and II
e mixedness thereof.
By the club Is a favorite promenade with son
Is women aud the reverse with others. 1t is curio
E. test maybe, but really there is no better one Of
r; woman than the way she passes II. One will con
g. by with a rapid, light, swinging step, lookil
at straight to the front, and her whole manner is
protest and an apology for being compelled to pas
he Another will come along in a slow, mlncing wa
ut with her pretty head on one side, like bird, r
an eDfading fusilade Of glences into the window
effective enough to knock me, or any other m
e- who may be looking, of his chair sprawling on
a door. Sometimes the dear creatures will pass
a. the other side and shell US at long range This Is,
s anything, more fatal than the shorter range. I'D
B. lance lends enchantmeni," as 1t were. The z
e. VINO goes by the club window is q familiar ngul
Mt however, to all the men, and very often serves
10 infuse little life into the monotony OF those c
gagged In sort Of process OF Incubation In the rea