The Wilmingtonian., 1887-10-29
PRICE TWO CENT s
How Stoves are Pnt lin.

This being the season of the year when
multitudes of people are adjusting their
heating apparatus, preparing for cold wealth
er, some will recognize their own experience
in the following amusing description from the
American artisan of the way it is sometimes
done
In the first place the mau puts on an old
and very ragged coat. Then he puts his
hands inside the place where the pipe ought
to go, and blaokens his fiagers, and then
studiously makes a black mark down the
side of his nose. Having got his nose prop
erly frescoed, the man grasps gre side of the
bottom of the stove, and biz wife and the
hired girl take hold of tht otN. side, and in
this way the stove is started I'M the wood.
shed to the parlor. In pa, lg through the
door, the man carefully swings his side of
the stove around and jamsl his thumb nail
against the door post. At last the stove ia
set down In the proper place, and the man
and his wife aud the hired girl set ont in a
triangular search after the stove legs, Two
are finally found inside the stove, where thsy
have remained since spring, and the two
others are found hidden under four tons of
coal. Then the old man holds up one side
of the stove, while the other two are being
adjusted, and one of the first pair is dis
placed. The trick of getting the four legs
into their proper place is practiced with
varying and indifferent results for some ten
minutes. and by this time the man gets ex-
cited and restless, and throws OF his COAT.
regardless of the consequences.
Then the man goes for the stovepipe and
gets cinder in his eye, The stove was put
up in flrst-olass shape last year by the stoye
man, but this year the pipe proved to be a
little too long. So the man jams his hat
down over his eyes, takes a piece of pipe
under each arm, and starts for the tin shop
to have it fixed. Then he comes back, steps
bis muddy boots into one OF the best parloY
chairs to see If the pipe will fit, when his
wife makes him come down. In the act of
descending he plants his foot square down
on the hollow of the cats back, and comes
within an ace of trampling the baby under
foot. Then the man gets an old chair from
the kitchen and climbs up to the chimney
opening again, and makes the startling dis.
covery that in cutting off the end of the
pipe, the timer had made the pipe too large
to enter the hole In the chimney. So the
man goes into the back yard and splits one
side Of the end of tho pipe with an old ak,
and suueezes it between bis hands until he
makes it smaller
Then the man sgets the pipe into shape
only to find that the stove does not stand
true. Then the:man and his wife and the
hired girl move the stove to the left, and the
legs fall out again. The legs are replaced
and the stove moved to the right, and there
is another seGnce with the legs. Then the
elbow is found not to be even with the hole
in the chimney, and the man goes into the
woodshed after some little blocks, Then
the man and his wife and the hired girl
essay to put the blocks under the legs, and
the pipe comes out of the chimney. The
pipe is replaced in the chimney hole, when
the elbow commences to topple over. The
mans wife is visibly agitated, and the man
gets the dining table out of the kitchen and
balances an old char on it, and makes his
wife hold the chair while he performs aoro-
bstic feats on the grand combine, in an
effort to drive some nails into the ceiling,
during which performance the man drops
the hammer down upon his devoted wIfe's
head, and she surprises him with ye',
worthy the emulation Of C1msnchs Indian.
Finally the man completes the grand aot
of driving the nails, constructs wire swing
To hold the elbow in position. hammers the
pipe little on one side and then little on
the other, pulls one joint little here and
pushes another length little there, gives
vocal expression to a series of deprecatory
and mildly profane adjeotives, takes a long
breath, breathes deep-drawn sigh Of relief
and proudly announces that. the job is fin.
ishsd.