Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-03-02
TO MAKE YOU SMILE.

Free Press.
HENRY GEORGE is q man who is
making some money and much trouble.
New Orleans Picayune.
The only painless dentistry is that
performed gratuitouslv. 1t is done
without payin'.--Pittsburg Chronicle.
WE have seen some things that were
Hat failures; but the toboggan slide is
Hat success Burlington Free Press.
ARE you asleep, Bobby ?" "Why
ma ?'' Because IT'S time to take
your medicine" "Tben I'm asleep"
The cost OF the cigars and whisky of
the average man would buy his wife
$500 sealskin sacque, but it doesn't.
Huntington Free Press.
SUNDAY School Teacher chill
dren, what happened on Christmas;
can't you remember ?" Wee scholar
lin great delight cit showed"
''TAKE her all around" says q
writer, ''she ia the best product of her
sex" Yes, but did that writer ever
think OF the expense OF taking her all
around New Haven News.
WASN'T it little strange that when
Senior Saliva, the chief engineer of the
City OF Mexico, visited Boston to in
spect the sewerage system, they took
HIM to the state-house first It'd
Bits.
INsTRUcToR-That's hardly the posi-
ton of soldier. Do you know any
thing about drilling? Recruit (confi-
dently}-Oh, yes. It's marked down
to cents a yard, double width
It'd Bits.
AN item in the TeIegram-"Umpire
and Mrs. Quest will winter in Detroit"
leads us to desperation, and we de-
| epairingly announce that "Bookkeep-
er and Mrs. Jones will spring in Kali
amazoo. PUCK.
IF you have ever noticed the men
who occupy the front seats at the
theaters you must have remarked how
much more polite they are than the
ladies. They do not even wear any
hair.-BurlDgton Free Eress.
DINER-Here, / thought you said
this was lobster croquette. Waiter
beg pardon, thought it was; see
that [ made a mistake; guess it is
sweet breat. Diner-No, it isn't sweet
bread; it's some kind of meat.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
MRS. GRUDGE-"Whatd do you sup
pose possessed Mrs. Brown to tell me
your mother kept a clearinghouse,
Mrs. Parvenue?" Sally Parvenue
(who is precocious) -"Pernaps it was
the same reason that made her tell
mamma that your father drove g.
hack. Life.
A New YORK musician has been
awarded $1,000 damages against
railroad company for the loss of his
first finger, which prevents his play
ing difficult pieces On the piano. His
neighbors are rejoicing that the com.
pany could not restore his finger
NOrristown Herald.
| LEADER OF Orchestra-Au ready.
All, what is the matter, Herr Schwein-
furth? Herr SchWeinfurth- Dot over
dure will have to Wait. Ohf dot TELLER
vot plays de trum can't geeb from
chewin' unit den usin' mine horn for
Won spiddoon, will resign myselluf
from dis pand.-Puck.
DEAD silenc9 In the parlor. Half
lights. More silence. Dim lights. In
crease of silence. Female voice speaks
verbally, breaking quiet: 20, Jack,
you haven't shaved to-day" More
silence in the parlor, accompanied by
gradually deer easing quiet II the Sit
ting-room. -Burdette.
| LADY-"You Warehouses for rent ?"
Real estate agent-"Yes, here is one
list OF 15O." Lady-"Do you think
you can give me one that will suit
me?' Real estate agent-"Madam, |
don't believe can, but possibly l can
give you one that will suit your hus-
band. "-Pittsburg Dispatch.
ToM-Is that Miss Jennings, to
whom | saw you talking, wealthy !?
that is to say, has she anythingin her
own right? Harry-No. | don't think
she has: but she is g. nice young lady
and her father is quite well-to-do.
Tom-On, I understand. You believe
in taking her at her pa value.
"WHAT's this demonstration? ?" ask
ed citizen as asChicago procession
was passing by. s'This is parade of
starving workingmen," was the reply
OF g. man with q banner. "How long
is the route laid out for your" "Ten
miles. "Well, ] beiieve,I'll become q
starving workingman, for can't walk
three miles on the best Gunner in the
land. WAL Street News.
81 HAVE new story about my bcy,"
writes William III. Crane, the famous
comedian. "His mother asked him
the other day whom he had been
playing with, and he answered that he
had been playing with old julie selig-
mans little boy. Hush, my dear
cried his mother, that's not the way
TO speak of Mr.. Seligman. His name
is Julius, not julie Then replied
the precocious child. | suppose tha5
my papa's name is Bilious '"-Chica-
go News.
WHEN young men enroll their names
for membership at the rooms of the
Christian Association here in Boston
they also make az entry, often in alb
breviated form, of the religious de-
nomination to which they belong.
Not long ago q sober minded man
added Auth" to his autograph to
define his ecclesiastical connection.
Isn't that q new denomination, sir?"