Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1887-05-12
atirgiuia frer gress.
WIT ANDHUMOR.

A man never knows what genuine poverty |
is until he has TO shave with soft soap.
"Piteh your voice in low key" says a
writer on etiquette. We presume etiquette I
can be temporarily dispensed with when
trying to wake the boys in the morning
Can YOU use this ?" timidly inquired the |
poet. A. helaid q bundle on the desk. Il
think can" said the editor, afiably. Il am
lust about to start fire in the office stove
"When / married YOU she said, Il
thought YOU were better man." And 50
| was. " he replied. Mine is not the first
good temper that ha. been ruined by matri-
mony"
Wife to sick husband \ gentleman
downstairs, John, wishes To see you. SICK
husband I'm too sick to see any one. Wife;
It, the minister. John. Sick husband:
Well Pm not sick enough 10 see him yet.
A country rector complained to DIR. Routh
that he had received only five pounds for
preaching sermon at Oxford. give
pounds :" CALCULATED the doctor, why
would not have preached that sermon for
6Ayr'
Mr.. Lighthcad," said johnny, my si'-
ter treats YOU bctter'n she does me- Does
she. Johnny p" asked Lighthead, with Il
laugh. "Why doyou think 500 "Well, l
heard her tell ma she gave You lots of taiiy'
but she never gives me any
"Uuo. Jonc, You in Paris 80 "Yc>; I've
lust run over fora holiday where's your
wife p" Couldn't come poor dear. Had 10
stop at home onaccount ofthe baby - why
your holiday will be half spoiled" YES.
Mean 70 STAY twice as long, 10 make up
Dog flncicr-Wcll, mum, have YOU come
To buy another pup: Miss Plantageut-No,
sir; not exactly. Mamma wished 10 know
if YOU would exchange this black dog fora
black-and-whtco one. Hci> just as good as
new and we are going into hali-mourning
next week.
4 Frcnchmau went into West street
restaurant, and seated himself before a
mound of butter bottle of catsup, and a
soiled tablc-cloth. What'r ycz have ?'
demanded the waiter "Parlez-vous-'
Barley soup" shouted the Irish waiter
Dye want tay or cotly ?'
Thomas b. Curtis, am old-timc merchant,
and many wears agent for the banking house
of Brown Bros * Co., ON being informed
that his wife had presented him with twin
son,, made this rcioindcr: Its rather queer.
/ ann interested in Brown Bros * Co. and
my wife In Barring Brothers
Ho,tcs, 0to Bobby, who is dining ont with
his mothcrl-Will YOU have another piece
of pie Bobby, Bobby-Nc>'m. Hostess
l>mling And So YOU are one of the tortu
nate little boys whose mama let them have
the second piece of pie? Bobby-Ies'm !;
she does when we're ONT vi,itiH', but at nome
Inevcr get but one piece.
Passenger To conductor ON Third avenue
carl-Nou are not one of the new conduc-
tors. are YOU Conductor Ic> never work
ed ON q ear before Passenger somewhat
astonishcd Il, it possible, should have
said thatyou are a conductor OF long expe-
riencc. Conductor--Why2 Passenger
Because you've got seventeen passengers
aboard, and only twelve fares registered.
Young husband To- hotel clerk Say, I'm
the man m 2i2 Clerks see 10y the regis
ter Well. sir isn't everything an right?
Don't YOU and your wife receive prompt at
tcntion3 Young DISQUALIFICATION? l
should say we did. Why. about every MINI
ute there's bell hoy at the door or "a cham
bcrmaid with ice water or something. How
samau going To- enjoy his honeymoon un-
der such circumstances. What want % do
/, % hire the elevator and keep IL between
the floors perhaps. then won't have brass
buttoncd wituc,, every ,ime kiss my wife