The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1887-10-05
! Mr.. AND MRS. BOWSER.
THE TRIBULATIoNs OF A MATRI.
MONIAL FIRM.
Mrs Bowser Describes the Attempt
Made by Her Husband to Sew
on Some Buttons.

Made by Her Husband to Sew
on Some Buttons.
The other evening, when Mr.. Bowser
stepped off the street car at our corner,
one of his suspender buttons flew off
This may or may not have been the first
time in his life that he lost suspender
button, but he took it so much to heart
that guess it was the first. lie came
into the house with the look of man
who had been deeply injured, and
shouted at me:
'Do you know whether I've got a sin
gle button left on any of my garmentsl'
"What is it, dearl'
"Don't what-is-it-dear me, Mrs.
Bowser! If you were half a wife you'd
look over my clothes once in five or ten
years and catch up the loose buttonsw
"Why, there's only one button gone,
and I'll have that fixed in two jiifys. Let
me get my needle and-p
"No, l won't! 1t has been plain to
me for the last year that sooner or later
I'd have to do my own sewing, and now
the climax has come"
"Just one minute, Mr. Bowser.n
'Not one second / shall hereafter
sew on my own buttons, and l might as
well begin noww
had needle and thread and thimble
at hand, but he turned away. Supper
was all ready. and when mentioned the
fact he replied
$50 and eat it, them have no time.
! have 200 or 300 buttons to sew ON
lie wouldn't even permit me to give
him the needle and thread. He hunted
around and found darning-needle and
some coarse thread, and went off to his
room and locked the door with great
bang. | went up after supper and
looked through the key-hole. He hadn't
got the button on yet. As the needle
was larger than the eyes, he had tried to
enlarge the latter with bodkin, and
thereby broke them all into one. He
was bothered to know how to proceed,
when called:
''Mr. Bowser, won't you let me ini"
No, ma'am! Your place is in the
parlor reading the last French love
story, while your husband scws on his
buttons ~
''But shant get you another button,"
mo, There are no other buttons in
the house, or if there was you wouldn't
know it! l shall go down town and buy
some"
He came ont, locked the door and
started off, and in half an hour he came
back with a dozen varieties of buttons,
running from pearl to an overcoat but
ton. He also had three papers of nee
dies and five spools of thread, and to
these he had added two dozen safety
pins.
won't you eat supper and let me sew
on that button, Mr.. Bowser" l asked as
he returned.
"Never. It's too late. l may get
through in time for breakfast, but you
can clean off the supper table. | have
been losing buttons for the last five
years, and now l propose to sew them
all on"
When he had locked the door again
he got out every coat and vest and pair
of pants from the closet and sat down to
his buttons. l am telling you the sol
emn truth when l say that looked
through the key-hole and saw him de-
liborately cut every button off of two
yes and pair of pants, and he took
ore of his new shirts and coolly ripped
it clean down the back to the bottom
hem. And | will further make a solemn
affidavit that the button he lost when he
got off the car was the only missing but
ton he had ever complained of.
When he had cut the buttons off, as
described, he lighted the gas and got out
his needles and thread. Mr.. Bowser is q
near sighted man, and our gas fixtures
are hung pretty high. Between the two
he got into trouble. 1t didn't seem to
make any difference to him which end of
the needle he threaded. Instead of jab-
bing the thread at the needle he iabbed
the needle at the thread. After about
twenty jabs he'd get discouraged and Sc
lect another needle, or break the thread
off at n new spot. He finally got the
thread into the eye, doubled it up and
tied 4 great knot Mt the end, and after
twenty minutes of hard work he got the
missing button back on his pantaloons,
In his nervousness he put on a brass
blouse button with n shank, and he used
Just three yards of doubled thread TO
make it secure.
1t was 10 o'clock before he came down
stairs. lie had given up the job with the
one button.
"Well, have you got through?'
asked
/ 'NOl lHIOuBu. ~ NOu 'NlONt L 'di
sew on 2S4 buttons in two hours"
''Well, I'll see to the rest in the morn
ing"
mo, you won't! Don't you dare to
| touch any of my clothing The worm
has finally turned, and he proposes tC
take care of himself after this -
Next morning he put ON one of the
vests he had stripped of buttons and
| fastened it with five safety pins lie put
/ on a coat from which he had cut two but
sons, and those were also replaced by the
| pins. He came down and paraded around
/ to attract my notice, and | finally said:
"Mr Bowser. | want to beg your for
! giveness. / knew there were over poo
| buttons off your clothes, but ! was shift
less and slack. This will be great mora
lesson to me, and l promise you
"Didu't l tell you the worm haC
turned2n he interrupted as he waved his
hand in an imperious way. ~ have got
to 90 down town in this fashion. People
| will remark it and of course they will
understand how it is.
He was gone about twenty minutes,
aud then sneaked back, slipped softly NJ
stairs and changed his clothes and skipped
| out.
| When Mr.. Bowser came up to dinner
| neither of us mentioned buttons 1t wa
not until he was ready 70 leave the house
| that he said
'Mrs. Bowser this must never happen