Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-08-18
Stuck the Printer.

IuluOI hcllSIuutus VI buo 4hOuodud HI D.
shorter was in town last week, and spoke
very favorably of the crops in his section
He was also retailing some very vigorous
stories of true Montana flavor.
"Now, I've got a composition in my
Office" said the Colonel, putting his feet
on an armchair that gentleman was
just starting across the hotel Office to get
and splitting successfully across his
neighbors shirt front at spitton, GIVE
got blacksmith in my Office that can
set any manuscript on the green earth.
I'm not much of a writer myself, said the
Colonel deprecatingIy, but we never have
to read proof after Twitchell, Twitchell's
his name you know.
swell, this Spring there was smart
Aleck from Boston comes into the office
and 1 got to telling him about Twit-
chell.
an IN said he "But have some
writing In my portfolio that would be
difficult for him to decipher."
Bring out your damned old turkey
trail [ said, and let's see it,
,'And, gentlemen, if I hope to get to
heaven couldn't read a word of it. I
looked around, and he was doubled up
laughing.
DOu you see. Sdlu u0 IHetG Is an en-
craving of one of Turner's paintings of
the sun raising at Venice?"
''Venice or -! said I exoitedly,
Twitchell can set it, So wrote in the
corner, set this in minion, and sent her
out; and in half an hour there came in
the proof of a neatly composed editorial
on the tariff question. But Twitchell
sent il word that he couldn't make out
that stuff in the corner, where I'd writ
ten set in minion.'
And the Colonel spat refectively.
''Twitchell out of type, no mistake, y
murmered sad-eyed man.
A Faithful Servant.
Boston Transcript
The following comes to the Listener
| from Maine city, and it strikes him that
for once, he may break, in it's behalf, the
old rule never to call story good one
before it is told:
One evening not long ago, there was ar
rested gentleman of position and OF
CHEEKY habits. The policeman said he
had found the old gentleman on the
street very drunk. The complaint was
entered against him, but as he seemed to
| be able to get about, he was released on
his recognizance and sent home in a hack
which he paid for with great alacrity
When his case came up in court the only
witness summoned to prove his condition
| were the policeman and the old family
| servant of the accused, faithful and de-
voted retainer.
| The policeman had given his testimony
which was unqualihedly to the fact of the
old gentleman's intoxication. Then the
old servant was called to the stand. There
was mingled expression of Indignation
and determination on his countenance
He testified fatty, to the surprise of the
courtroom, that the old man was sober
when he came home. The prosecuting
attorney proceeded to question.
| 'You say that Mr. was sober when he
came homer"
"Y es SIR
"Did he 60 to bed alone?"
"No sir"
did you put him to bed?"
eyes sir.''
"And he was perfectly sober?"
eyes sir"
"What did he say when you put him to
bed?"
"He said Good night"
Anything else?"
"He said as how was to call him early
"Anything else?"
eyes sir.''
''What was it? Tell us exactly what he
said, every word"
"He said as how I was to wake and call
him early, for he was to be Queen of the
May"
The courtroom roared. And in spite
of the old servants very positive testi-
mony the accused was convicted and
fined.