The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-05-11
HUMOR.


cheerful spirit, friends.
DID Solomon have John l.. in mind
when he said "go to the ant, thou slug
hard?"
SIZE amt everything. Awatch tick
ing can be heard further than bed
ticking.
The Youthful and inexperienced mar
ried man may not know it, but it is
fact all the same: Corsets cannot be
purchased at the lace-goods counter.
To THE housewife-Don't imagine the
pillow displayed at the warerooms OF
furniture dealer to be filled with live
geese feathers just because they are
marked down.
DUDE (meeting his tailor where he
couldn't escape him)-Ah, Jones, old
boy, how dy' do? Beastly weather this.
It's so unsettled, don't you know"
Tailor Ugh yes just like my BILL
Washington Critic.
AN advertisement in French news
paper: "Fritz X, an experienced
accountant, desires place as cashier.
In the interest of the security OF pat
rons he would state that he is afflicted
with two wooden legs.-French Fun.
A LYNN clergyman relates that on
one occasion, after marrying couple,
an envelope was handed to him, which
he supposed, of course, contained the
marriage fee ON opening it, he found
slip of paper, on which was written,
I'VE desire your prayers
AN ambitious young painter has gone
to Washington to ask permission to
paint the House of Representatives for
his great historical picture. Well, We
see no objection to his painting the
honorable House. II has been white
washed several times, but the operation
has to be repeated too frequently
E1Lrdette.
"A SENSIBLE" woman, as DIR. Aber-
nethy would have called her, was dis
covered by shy man, who made her a
rather original proposal. He bought
wedding ring, and sent it to the lady,
inclosing a sheet of note-paper with the
brief question. docs it ftp" BY re-
turn of post he received the answer:
beautifully"
"IN what country were You born? ?"
asked the election officer. I'm none,
sor," replied the citizen. What?
Answer me plainly. What is your nat
i've land?" Il have none, sor. was
born at sea-" "Then," replied the Off
Ger, you have a Vaterland, although
you talk like an Irishman. You vote
in the navy-yard. "-Berdette.
THE following advertisement recently
appeared-"A father wants to find
school for his son where a manly and
useful education will be given him, and
where the teachers do not fill the heads
of their pupils with humbug stories
about nations that died and were buried
thousands of centuries ago, not citi-
zen of which could either command q
steamboat or manage railway station.
FIRST gentleman, entering apartment
of second gentleman-About year ago
you challenged me to fight duel?
Second gentleman (sternly)-I did, sir.
First G.-And 1 told you that i had
just been married, and L did not wish
to risk my life at such hazard. Second
Ct. (haughtily)-I remember, sir. First
G.. (bitterly)-Well, my feelings have
undergone a change; any time you
want to fight let me know. Bon jour.
French Fan.
MIsTAKING the door young Mr..
Cipher walked into the dentists Office
instead of the doctors. Doctor" he
groaned, I'm in bad shape. My head
aches all the time and can't do any
thing with it" ~Yes, yes" said DIR.
Toothaker, cheerfully. II see; big
cavity in it.; must be hollow; you'll
need to have it filed" And seeing his
mistake young Mr.. Cipher apologized
and went out and told it all around as
capital good joke on the Dentist
Bltrdette.
IT is, perhaps, hardly the province of
this paper to criticise nature, but then
it does seem as if il would have been a
great stroke if man had been created
with arms that would slide out about
forty feet like spy-glass, so that he
could reach and lock the front door
and wind the clock and set back the
rocking chair and close the shutters
after he goes to bed. Yes, and put out
the cat and scatter some poison for his
neighbours dog and bring in the baby
carriage. Dakota Bell.