Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-08-24


"Men always snore when they are
tired, man," said the girl. "Why.
me father used to snorc so loud in hay
ing time that you'd think all the pigs
in the ncighborhood was being stuck
at the same instint."
An excellent smile, Mrs. Winches-
ter thought. Nellie's father made one
more pig.
That evening our invalid was feeling
unusually wretched. She had a cold
in her head which caused even her
well-born and well-bred little nose to
feel uncomfortable. She would go to
bed and go to sleep before her from
bone ncighbor could have time to COM
mence his overture. II she could
avoid the opening piece, she might
perchancc escape the rest of the pro-
grammc.
About eight o'clock the chamber
maid knocked at her door, but was not
admitted.
ats only that I'm told to ak il We
feel able for game of whist" the girl
explained through the keyhole.
"No," was the somewhat nasal re-
ply please say that am very sorry
and have retired for the night
The host and his wife were extremely
fond of cards, Mrs. Winchester knew,
and she smiled as she thought of what
she had escaped in not being able to
play with the snoring guest, for, of
course, the fourth hand could be no
other.
BY nine o'clock the house was per-
fectly quiet; and after many futile at
tempts to arrange her pillow so that
she could breathe with her mouth
closed, the patient sank off into an UNI
easy slumber with. her mouth open.
The result can be imagined. With fire.
quent gasps and jerks-and, shall we
say itp snorts-the refined and super
sensitive victim of cold in the head
would partially return to consciousness,
then lapse again into sound, but GER
tainly noisy, slumber. But at last she
awoke with an awful start, to find her.
self sitting upright in state of terror
impossible to describe. Some one had
fired pistol close to her ear. She was
sure of it. Nothing else would account
for the frightful noise and nervous
shock. For moment she hardly dared
lift her hands to her head for fear
she should find that some section
of it had been blown away.
Her nose was still there. She
knew that without examination. 1t
seemed to her like some colossal prom
ontory in a state of blaze. By the
softened light of the night lamp, which
always accompanied the widow in all
her travels, she soon saw that she must
have been mistaken. How inexpli-
cable! Mrs. Winchester was not super
stitious, but she finally concluded that
this report must be warning of some
kind. Could it by any possibility refer
to Mr.. Brownep The much pcrplexed
invalid thought not. 1t did seem, as
she for the thousandth time cnumer-
atcd this gentleman's good qualities,
that in true culture and refinement he
was giant in a race of pigmies. This
satisfactorily settled, Mrs. Winchester
carefully scrutinized her once patri-
elan nose, just now in an acute state of
Inflammation, and plebeian to n degree
which so shocked her sensibilties that
she extinguished her small luminary in
disgust, and applied the necessary
indictments in the dark, and then
sought her couch and tried to sleep.
But the influenza was stronger
than Morpheus, and for an hour
or more the sufferer twisted
and turned, punched her pillows,
counted, and spelled, and all to no pur-
pose. But there is always an end to
all conditions; and at last fatigue came
to the rescue, and the goal was almost
reached, when, horror of horrors!
sound as of bursting shell came from
the room across the corridor! The
mystery was solved. That was what
had gone off before when Mrs. Win
chester thought she had lost the top of
her head. The Widows Indignation
was in exact proportion to her physical
suffering, and her chronic disgust of
snoring and snorers. Explosion num-
Der one was followed by n series of
modified but regular snorts, which
lasted several minutes, and then came
another SCATTERING report which seemed
TO Mrs. Winchcster's over-wrought inn
agination to have knocked out both
transoms and smashed things general
ly. This elm was followed by few
moments of silence, broken ut last by
the sound Of heavy breathing, pro-
tracted groans and occasional nasal
earthquakes.
Mrs. Winchester felt sure that it
would be impossible to live till morn
ing under such conditions. The rest
In the music were all dclusive, and
were invariablc followed by fierce
crescendoes which were sure to split
when they reached their height, in a
way which'ought to have demolished
the orchestra.
And so the night wore on. The
widow knew she never slept one wink.
At any rate the morning found her
much exhausted, and scarcely able to
sip the coffee which Nellie brought at
the usual hour. After breakfast Mrs.
Winchester had decided to lay the mat
ter before her hostess. The new
boardcr's room, or her own must be
changed.
"Shc is coming up by and by any
way" said Nellie smiling. "You see,
nam, they had great surprise for we
last evening""
81 had all the surprise l care for"
the lady responded YEARLY,
"But, you see, nam, this was good
one," the girl persisted. "Thcy was
going to get you down to the cards.
and thin the door was going TO pop
open, and foinc, handsome gintle-
man was going to walk in and set
down."
"What--thdt onep"