Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1887-02-28

-Terds Sytings.
80 you would like an office, my
friend said the President. Eyes,
sir, replied the applicant. Your re-
Communications say you have done
some effective work at the polls. In
what wayP" I'm the line of my regu-
lar business sir. - Your regular bust
ness?" ''Yes, sir; / am barber. -
Pittsburg Chronicle r
Landlord why, how is this?
This is no marine piece. 1t is almost
an exact representation of the interior
of my saloon" Artist meant. it
for that ',But / told you to paint
me q bit of sea-coast, 4 tasty little
marine moroccan, a. s.That's
what it is sir. Don't You, see the
sehooners crossing the bar. "-Phila-
delphta Gail,
They were married and she was a
decided loser in the trade. WELL"
he said, one morning after squabble,
..you needn't be finding fault with me
all the time. You took me for better
or worse, didn't you?n mo, didn't"
she replied, sayagely; II took you be-
cause there. wasn't anybody else to
take. - Washington Critic.
What kept you so late last night,
ArchibaldP" demanded Mrs. Spotcash.
"Takin' inventory replied Spotcash.
Il knowed it, she replied; sssmelled
it on your breath the minute You came
in. You'll keep on takin' ii till you
get in the lookup and disgrace. your
family, and then hope you'll be salts
6ed. Chicago Le,ig@r aa
my dear sad q congressman to
his wife, II have just been reading
medical work, and have discovered
that water does not decay dead bodies"
Indeed" she replied, with some in
situation, '.that's nothing. 1t won't
decay live bodies, either, if they don't
use any more of it than some persons
| know of. - Washington Critic.
She Ito young poeD- How much do
you get for your poems, Charleye
Charley with pride) 81 to So.
She-Well, isn't that very little, Char
leyP see that Sir Walter Scott. got
$4,000 for one of his Charley Yes;
but you see writing poetry isn't the
the business it used to be- There's
too much competition.--Neae York San
An interior. Professor {who has
been giving simple lessons in physio-
logy)-s'Where is your heart, dearP''
Mabel-'Here. Professor = .And
where is your livers" Mabel (indig-
nantly) I'll haven't any. Cows have
livers." Professor--''O, yes, you
have" Mabel CATER some thought)
well, then, where is my baconP''-
life. @
English artist ION board Rhine
steamer) allow do YOU like the Val
ley of the Rhine?'' American girl
30, itis loveiyr' English artist-"In
my opinion there is no valley so beau
tiful as the Valley of the. Yosemite, in
your country American girl lin
astonishment) My countryi Why
| am an American, not a Japenese.n--
It'd Bits. III ' @ ~
snow take it home to yourself
said y Jolly fellow who believes in per-
sonal liberty to q disagreeable crank
who wants to make the world good by
Legislative. enactment; '.hoN would
you like to go without a drink Sun
day?".{ s.Ah, y said the lreformer,
i'when take it homo to myself IJgen-
orally have my drink, don't YER know?"
Nefo Orleans Picayuae. 80.
A lonely Skating-Rins met "a To-
hoggan Slide the. other day. ,'How
are you feeling?" asked the Rink, in
doleful tones. Il am hunlzy, ! replied
Che Slide. II am in fast company and
making barrels of money F"Ceme
and see me in about two years from
pow,'', said the Rink, .and we viii con
dole together. - have been there my
self. "--Phitadelf,l,ia Co't. a3f's' aa
Woman Ito tramp )-.You might
saw d little wood Tor that nice dinner"
Tramp Qeproachfl1bo sMadam, you
ought not to throw tempMtion in the
way of a poor, man, Woman
Temptations Tramp Yes, mad
am. II ! were TO saw some wood the
chances arcI woui,t carry off the saw.
I'm an honest man now, and j want to
stay so''-Hagper'S BacdY. 'gsm
Lawyer-You say the prisoner ac-
cidentally shot himself in the leg?
Witness~I did. Lawyer Was the
gun loaded9 Witncss-I don't know.
Lawy Now. then, viii you please
state to the jury how he shot HIMSELF
Windshield, suppose that. the
blamed old gun was like y lawyers
mouth went off whether there twas
anything in. it or not. NelC York San.
Once WIS the time when the boss of