The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-03-17
WIT AND HUMOR

and forglvlng beings on earth. The
more cuffs you give them the more they
will do for you.-St. Paul Herald.
People who are always in high spirits
soon wear out, says a physician. 1t
may be, but people who are always
low-spirited wear other people out
1Onbers Statesman.
Ma, there's hole in my rubber,
and it's full of water well, come
here and let me cut another hole, so
the water'u run out" Who says
woman doesn't reason?-BoSt0n Trans
script.
A New Orleans editor has discover
ed that fishing is hard work. 1t was
generally supposed that fishing was
easy enough, but that it was the lying
about the big ones which got away
that entailed the hard labor.-NorytS-
t0s01s Herald
WHO is the god of battlesP" asked
teacher of the class in mythology.
MAR" answered little Johnnie Hen
peck. MARS, YOU mean, Johnnie"
corrected the teacher. No, | don't
neither. l only got one mar. "-WaSh-
ingtoas Critic.
A mesalliance at Tuxedo-Mrs.
Rapide-Aren't you going to join us
after the bag this morning, Tom? Mr.
Rapide (who does not believe in his
wife's infatuation) Thanks, no, dear.
I've got to stay at home and do little
sewing. -TEd-BitS.
The Marquise de Calinaux, who is
still somewhat giddy, wrote to one of
her friends recently: My daughter
has just given birth to a SON Tell the
news to our friends; but you needn't
mention the fact that | am a grand
mother. n-French Fan
DeForest-..Where did you learn to
make such mince pie, Mrs. McDoodle?
What tender recollections it revives :"
Mrs. McDoodle neutrality-suspicious.
and mother, | suppose" DeForest-
mo, not exactly that. 1t reminds me
of the dreams | had last night "-NeW
Huue1a Ne10S.
He Ito Pittsburg heiress)-Do you
know Miss Wandergrift. whose father
is reported to be so very rich? She
| (glass and pig-iron)-O, no, indeed,
The Wandergrifts do not belong to our
set at all! They are 50 new, YOU
know Their money comes from ma
tural gas.-Pucb.
Il didn't know before that Jones
had been a night-watchman." Il
don't think he ever was one" i
can't account for it, then. He certain
| ~ told me he didn't hear the explosion
in the next house the other night when
the burglars blew open the safe. -
PittSbalrg Dispatch.
A New York Judge has decided that
| '.cornering" is a crime. When YOU
return home a few inches after mid
night by the clock and your wife be-
gins to question and cross examine
you, and finally begins to ..corner"
you, call her attention to this decision
-NorriStolCR Hcra5d
Dead silence in the parlor. Half
lights. More silence. Dim lights In
crease of silence. Female voice speaks
verbally, breaking quiet: 20, Jack,
you haven't shaved to-day More
silence in the parlor, accompanied by
gradualIy-decreasing quiet in the sit
Doctor-''My dear man, you have no
organic trouble, no symptom of dis
ease, properly speaking; but you are
simply run down. What is your oe-
cupation?" Patient-.I am a city la
borer and work upon the streets. y
nnetn1.- "a n i | l,tCnn,+,I
You require exercise. Boston Tran
script.
How do you like your new posi-
tion?' inquired travelling man of a
friend 20, first rate" sYour en-
| ployer treats you well, does hep"
Yes, indeed. He has already given
me a raise" "What, so soon? When
was it?'' Last Sunday night, when
| called on his daughter. ''-Nercha1at
TrdUeler
Woman Ito tramp)-sI kin give We
some cold buckwheat cakes an piece
o mince pie" Tramp frightened)-
''Wha-what's that?" Woman-"Cold
buckwheat cakes an mince pie"
Tramp (heroieally)-"Throw in a
small bottle of pepsin, madam, and I'll
take the chances. ''-Nedicat and Surgt-
cal Register.
Mrs. H.-"Great heavens. Grams
ton! Don't deny it; l saw you kiss
her!" Mr.. H. (stif1iy)-''You are mis-
taken; she kissed me-. Mrs. H
But why did you let her?" Mr.. H
| Il couldn't be rude to lady" But
why did she want to kiss you?" Mr..
HI can't imagine. You ought to
know. life.
A surmise-''You know a scene oc-
ours in Hamlet, in which Polonius
asks the Prince what he is reading and
receives the reply, Words, words,
words" said literary traveller to a
friend. Yes" well what do you
suppose Hamlet was reading?" 1.-The
Congressional Record. l reckon" -
Merchant TrayeIer.
A new baby has arrived at little
Johnny's residence, and the youngster
was admitted to take his first look at
the little stranger. He surveyed it
calmly for a moment, and then looking
up exclaimed enthusiastically: His
face is just the color Of Uncle Georges.
Gosh, but he must be hard drinker!'
-Pjtts5urg Despatch.
''Ana what does your costume repre-
sent?" said Chauncey Depew to a
young lady at a fancy ball, whose dress
began too late and ended too soon.
80! This is an idea Of my own, you
know | am the New York Central"
80 l see. The Fast Limited, at the
lowest Cut Rates, | imagine" replied
the wit.-Toacn Topics
THAT is beautiful hat you have on,
Miss FyregiIlte. ''Do You really
think so, Mr.. Jenkyns? You fatterer!
I'm sure | can't see how you can say
it. ~ Because / think it," But
you've no idea. Why, the dreadful
thing only cost $50. put it on to-day