Custer chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, Black Hills, D.T. [S.D.]) 1880-1890, 1887-11-26
WIT AND HUMOR.

vert small.-Drakes Traveler's Maya.
zine.
Minneapolis landlady has been
fined $40 for slapping her hired-girl.
We will make one of ten to pay that
woman's fine--Tuck.
'.Do you know why Mr.. 8. allows
Ais hair to grow long, while Mrs. >.
keeps hers cut shortpn '.Yes; they're
both literary.-Harper's Bazar.
Chicago husband-Ah! good news,
good news! Our divorce has been
granted. Chicago wife-Thank good.
nessl We can now be happy for ever
more. -Itd-Bts.
The woman who pays 500 for a bon
net will reach down "A lamp-chimney
for five minutes and nearly burn her
nails to the quick to light a piece OF
folded paper and a W a match Puck.
Toledo babies are the most loyal
citizens in the world to their native
city" ''WhyP" because when you
take them away they invariably cry
for their Maumee. "--1otedo Com
mercidk.
Chimney, what's dat black on yer
eyeF asked one gamin of another.
Oats a question mark" "Er which,
"A question mark. Me father gim-
me one there fur akin too many ques-
tions."-- Washington Critic.
Jealousy is the meanest passion that
can influence the human mind. If you
don't believe it just ask the husband
whose wife has forbidden him to kiss
the prettiest of all her charming
cousins. -S0merUiIe Journal.
We hope that Mr.. John Lawrence
Sullivan will leave his diamond belt
where clergymen and teachers who
are struggling along on $500 a year
can see it when they come to Boston.
Such people should be encouraged
Boston Globe.
Several m~illionaires have recently
given their advice to young men as to
how to get rich. Now if the men who
have been happy without getting rich
would tell how that is done they will
perform a much more valuable service.
Boston Herald.
English waiter Contemplating emf
gration) to American tourist-"And
ave you any 'otel tips over there?"
American enthusiastically -Hotel
tipsp You bet! You should just see a
cyclone tipping a Western hotei."-
Boston Courier.
Conductor Con Georgia railroad)-
DO you mean 60 tell me, madam. that
the child is not II years oldp Madam
Sharply Well, she wasn't when the
train started, but, land alive! there's
no tellin' how old she may be now
New York San.
Miss Snobberly, who has just written
a letter-"Ma, is a one-cent stamp en-
Dugh for this letter." Old Mrs, Snob-
berly, proudly--"Put on a two-cent
stamp, my daughter, or people will
say the Snobberlys are not people of
the right stamp."-Te1GS Sifttngs.
1t is said that the husbands of red
headed women ultimately become
c6ior-blind. 1t must be so, for we
have noticed that when a woman of
that description sues for divorce there
is generally a black or brown haired
female mixed up in the case.-Te2as
Syttags.
Husband-Young Miliken seems TO
have made quite a name for himself.
Wife-1ou surprise me. / never
thought that he would amount to any
thing. Husband-O, yes. He can
hpld an eyeglass on his eye longer
than any member of the club.-Dra6e's
Maga@tne.
$50 you maintain, professor, that
children should never be slapped or
whipped" Il do maintain it. The
parent who whips his child is a Grimm
al. Happily, my children are all quiet
and obedient. If had a son like
Snidevly's boy I'd break his back
Lincoln Journal.
We are growing old very fast, Hor-
alto, my son. Time is winging us
away to our eternal home at a great
rate. We have scarcely recovered
from the effects of our Fourth of July
celebration before we have to make
preparations to contract our Christian
headache. This is a mad, mad world.
-Ltncotn J0urnat.
Friend (to young author)-How is
your new book going, Charley?
Young author ~(dubiouslD-It's going
pretty fast. I've already given away
500 copies. Friend-Five hundred
Why, ! congratulate you,
yrld boy. / was afraid you wouldn't be
able to give away more than half that
Sumber.-NeW York. Sun.
''Mrs. Gewgaw must be a woman
who suffers great Distress" remarked
MIR. Pert as he observed the lady in
question exhibiting a very p~rofuse
array Of jew Try. ''She hasn't that
reputation, sir" replied Mr.. Oracle:
"yhy do youinfer SOP" "Merely from
the way she rings her hands," was
the response. - Yonkers Gazette.
you don't mean to say that you had
to pay just as much for your pew dur
ing the summer months, when the
church was closed, as when it was
openP" Certainly" How ridicu-
lous!' 30, | don't know; / don't be-
grudge the money. enjoyed the pew
quite as well as though ! was in it
better, if anything Boston Trans
cript.
Send us the dresses a woman has
worn and we ear tell you whether her
husband is in Canada or not.-Omaha
World. Send a statement of the res
~taurant, hotel, wine, billiards. livery,
gambling, and racing bills Of that hus-
band and it ear be seen whether they