The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1887-05-11
Iro BE CoSTINUEp.l
WIT AND HUM0R.
THE BACHELORS soLILooUY.

do not like a girl that : tail.
A girl that's short is worse than all;
A girl that's stil would not woo,
A giri that's pert is odious. too;
sigh not fer the girl that's fat,
And one that's lean is worse than that;
would not court the one that's old,
Unless, indeed. she's got the gold
And one that young would not wed,
For youth Is ficsle. so tis said:
l would not have a girl that's fair,
And one that's dark can not bear;
A girl of sense l could not rule,
And yet would not wed a fool;
A flirting girl would not take,
For she my heart would surely break;
girl that talks from morn till night
always look with alright;
find ii very hard 10 suit.
Because of having so much fruit;
No pick. had Adam, / believe,
The only woman then was Eve;
But he no doubt deemed her prize
-Norristown Herald.
Our legislators talk war very well,
but our legislators are not subject to
the draft Somerrile Journal.
Some claim that the pulley is the
oldest mechanical invention, but prob
ably the crowbar has a pryer claim
7sras S1tHngS.
If ladies in our street-cars would try
TO be about half as polite TO each other
as gentlemen are to the ladies, the sit
uation would be marvelously improved.
- Washington Republican.
When you want to be complimentary
you say man has large brain; when
YOU wish to be the other thing you call
it big head. Modern phraseology is
mighty queer, anyhow. BOSTON Her
ald
What will be the fuel of the fut-
ure2n Coal barons who run up the
price of that article of supreme neces-
sity beyond the reach of the poor will
probably find out when they die.-Teras
SJtiHgS.
Returns from the class of sc come in
occasionally. One member is on the
stage and another lately heard from
who was prominent society man is
working for 81 day in brokers' Of
HarUard Crimson.
why do YOU still pray to Joss?"
gentleman asked an Arizona Chinaman
who had Just been converted to Christ
ianity. "Chinaman make velly sure"
was the reply. Me no catchee joss,
me catchee Mclean god
Wife-..H Henry, didn't hear you bet
SqueersP'' Husband-'Y-y-yes, my
dear, believe You did" Wife-..Well,
I'd like to know what I'm going to do
for seat to Willie's pants. ."--,Judge.
1t is professed that persons char
acters can be read by the lines in their
hands. This is often true, for you can
tell a horseman by the lines in his
hands and an industrious girl by her
clothes-line. Philadelphia Herald.
After debating a long time as to the
proper inscription to put on the grave
stone of man who was blown TO pieces
by a powder-mill, his friends decided
on the following: ''He was a man of
excellent parts. - burlington Free
Press.
A scientific journal tells How TO
Preserve Stove-PIpe." We should
think preserved stove-pipe would be a
hollow mockery. 1t must require
large amount of sugar and much boil
ing to make them palatable. Norris
torn Herald.
lit strikes me-" said city and
county hall man recently, that we do
we were drafted in IS61-'64 we knew
where to go, but in case of trouble
with Canada where could we go2"-
! Buffalo Courier.
The Householder says "the coming
girl will walk five miles day" If
the nearest millinery is five miles dis
tant and she doesn't live near a rail
| ,.ooA cTa - s. ~
she will occasionally walk twice five
miles day.-NorrtStoa01s Herald.
A Dundee (Mich.) boy made money
rapidly the other week by stealing eggs
from one grocer and selling them 10
another, then stealing them a second
time and selling them to their rightful
owner. He should become an alder
man without delay.-Net0 Hauera Netcs.
A paper published at Vassar college
is authority for the statement that a
girl can limit her incidental expenses
at that institution of learning to $25
per annum. This allows $40 for chew
ing gum-if she has not been SANDER
ed-but we can't imagine how she in
vests the other $5.-NOrriStotc1l Herald.
at is rather strange that plumbers
and coal-dealers are seldom sent to the
| legislature said Jones to Smith the
other day. ''It isn't strange at all. ~
answered Smith; Legislation is over
done as it is What has that to do
with it?" Everything in the world.
Send plumbers and coal-dealers to the
legislature and, through the force of
habit, they would be bringing in bills
every day. ."-BOston Courier.
Country bride Gin dry-goods store)-
! want to look at some summer silks.
Clerk-Yes, ma am. We have them in
all shades-elephant' breath, London
smoke, terrapin's memory, Browning S
muse, animal fat, shrimp pink, onion
gin, pug's nose, copper red-all the
latest styles, ma am, and warranted to
wash. Country bride-O, I don'i
want anythin' fancy. Show me plain
red and yeller plaid.-Net0 York Sun.
The old-fashioned country clergy OF
England who had glebe lands believed
in rotation of crops. Many years ago
an archdeacon visited one of these
clergymen and was Mortified to find
that the churehyard WIS sown with
barley. Intending to rebuke this desc
Grafton, he said in a severe tone: '.Thi.
must not occur again" 20, dear nor
replied the bucolic rector; '.it viii bs
turnips next year. ."-Nes0 York Trt
6st'ae.
Two gentlemen from the sunny south
met in the vestibule of the Hoffman
house .'Do you find the winters here
much warmer than those of Texasg
''On the contrary, it is much warmei
in Texas than it is in New York. '
why. is it, then, that you wear Z
heavy overcoat on the Texas prairie:
and none at all in New York;
There's no Wall street on the Texa.
prairies, replied the exile from the
Lone Star state. with sigh that came
from the very bottom of his heart
Teras Sittings.
Father-When look at Jennie witt
her bangs and that seven-storied hal
perched upon 'em and her big hustle
and hear her insane conversation, i
sometimes begin to think that it has
been labor wasted to bring her up.
| don't think she has as much brains as
! would fill hazel nut Mother (indig-
nantly)-Brains How can you say
so? That girl has got remarkably
powerful intellect Why, she MASTER
ed the parasol. handkerchief, and post
aee-stamp flirtations in less than three
| weeksl--Boston Courier.
. I