davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
National Republican., 1887-08-27
NORFOLK AND FORTRESS MONROE.

Low fires The popular, safe, and fast
steamer LAKE, elegantly furnished through
Ont, leaves Seventh st. wharf every MONDAY,
WEDNEsDAY, and SATURDAY. at $50 p, IN,
stepping at Pirey Point goiHg and returning.
FirSi class meals served In dining room on
main deck.
StaterooIns secured and baggage checked at
$40 and 1861 Pa. ave, Lloyd's Express Onice,
and on steamer Telephone call, ~.
National Republican., 1887-08-27

OPIUM SnS cured "tisaa Il homo H4h Wishcns
pain; book Of particulars sent free. b. Nj
NOOLLEY E,D,I Atlanta, Go, eolArdAW.S@
National Republican., 1887-08-27
PROPOSALS.

DRoPOSALs FOR FUEL.
i U. s. DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE.
WASHINGTON, ID. c., Aug ., 1851.
Sealed proposals Will be received until ~
O'Clock IN, Of the 30th instant. TO furnish this
department with fuel during the current fiscal
year.
All necessary information supplied to bidder
on Application TO this office. Respectfully,
NORMAN ]. COLMAN,
au26 81 Commissioner of Agriculture.
National Republican., 1887-08-27

SzEAHBohx LIHRs.

DA1LY LINE TO NORFOLK AND FORT
IL RESS MONROE.
Steamer EXCELSIOR MONDAYS, WEDNES-
DAYS, and FRIDAYS, and Steamer GEORGE
LFARY TUESDAYS THURSDAYS, and
SATURDAYS
At $3.50 n. m from 7th st. wharf
Returning, leave Norfolk daily, except MON
DAYS, at 480 p. M. from Boston wharf. EN.
elusive connection with Boston and Providence
steamers. Connect also with steamer Ariel ioy
steam and railroad lines for the south. Se
cure rooms and tickets at Gl0 and 1851 Penn.
sylvanla ave and at Knox Express, who Will
ak o check baggage from hotels and residences.
Telerhone, No. 1863 WIN. =. WEIGH,
superintendent and General Agent
anC.tF
National Republican., 1887-08-27

Mt VERNON, MT gERHoE
M MT VERNON.
STEAMER W. W. CORCORAN
Leaves 7th.st. wharf daily (excePt Sunday tOI
Mt. VERNON,
At 10 O'Clock n. M; returning reaches Wash
ington about $3.50 p. NJ.
l.. L. BLAKE, Captain.
National Republican., 1887-08-27
NEW PUBLICITTONS.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.
NOW IN COURSE OF PUBLICATION, THE
FOURTH BIENNIAL NUMBER OF
CHATAIGNES
National Republican., 1887-08-27
"'N wv <Vf 1W"'
district (,olti,nlia Eondq.

The following list OF the most active stocks dealt
In on the Washington Stock Exchange is furnished
by Messrs. Bell Il Co., Bankers, No. 1a37 Pennsyl-
vania avenue:
August Sc, 1887.
National Republican., 1887-08-27

FOREIGN MISCELLANEOUS
English Bible Co The Register
MISCELLANEOUS.
Lock Dox 500 900 l. stsw
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10

conclusion forced upon them that what they
want doesn't want them.
The trouble with good many boys is that
they think the red grapes that grow on
neighbor's vine. and that have to he picked
after dark, are good deal sweeter and better
than the ripe black grapes that grow ou thei,
own wines. and can be gathered in the bright
sunlight of publicity.
The trouble with a great many editors is
that they don't think one-half as much as
they write.
The trouble with great many readers is
that they don't understand how much easier
Il u to point out a tree IN magnificent land
scape that is a hairs breadth out of perspect-
i've than it is to paint the magnificent land
scape itself.
The trouble with a good many Vassar grad
uates is that they know more about expedi-
tious ways Of getting from the second story
down TO the lower hail than they do about
making Christian bread.
The trouble with almost all the ministers is
that they don't bear other ministers preach
often enough to know what q really first
clan, bang up sermon is.-Somerville Jour
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10
A slight Mistake.

A lady called at the hotel to see Mrs. Bou-
cicault the other day. Mrs Boucicault has
always little table aside covered with crack
ers and cakes and jeliies and things that
come in very convenient once in = while
Mrs. Boucicault WAS out and the lady sat
down to wait for her. Looking at these
dainties as the time flew by and Mrs. Bpuci-
cault did not appear, she was tempted be
yond endurance and started to skirmish
among them She found pot Of marmalade
1t was very nice. She took a cracker and
covered it with marmalade and enjoyed it.
- took another, and another, and more un-
N ane had made a serious inroah on the Dun
dee dainty. Mrs Boucicault not arriving,
she put her card on the table and went away.
Next day she met Mrs. Boucicault. who apol-
ogized for not having been home.
"Oh, | had a nice time said the lady; 81
ate all your crackers, and really l never
tasted such delicious marmalade."
'Marmalade." said Mrs. Boucicault.
.Yes. marmalaie. | found . pot OF it and
nearly finished it.
..Marmalade! That wasn't marmalade
That was cough mixture. Son Francisco
Chronicle
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10

He returned to Detroit from a trip to Eu-
rope Saturday night. When he crossed the
river and felt that he Was home once more
he stepped high. He expected a little crowd
to meet him at the depot, and he was not dis
appointed A score OF people took him by
ths hand and welcomed him home. One Of
the score did more than that He drew the
returned aside and said:
$50 you have been to Europe" Yes"
@Gone ninety days, chr Yes. about
ninety"
-Have a good timeF" -Splendid!'
well, am awful glad TO see YOU back
So VOC had . good timer Indeed, sir, I
did
Glad to get home, I s'poseFr Yes"
did they treat you well over theref' "Oh.
certainly. Let's seef You have the advan-
tage Of me. What is your name, pleasef'
MY name. Oh, I'm Green" "Grseni
GreenF
-Yes-used to run a feed store on Michigan
avenue, You knowl You went of owing me
lies for oats but l haven't worried over il
. bit Just thought I'd drop down and well
come you, and if you had the change handy
I'd receipt the bill!T-Detroit Free Press
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10
A Newspaper and |. Book.

A newspaper and book jostled each other
on Broadway. Turning around angrily, tho
book was about to make q disagreeable re-
mark, when, observing who the other was,
It's manner changed.
I'VE are both children of the press said
the BOOK, and there should be no animosity
between us"
"On your side, at least" rejoined the news
paper. there should bs none, for have as
many readers in one day as you have in your
life. and it is only through me that the breath
Of life can be puffed into your body. When
you get little reputation you snub your old
friends and benefactors"
"You need not quarrel" said the book, for
when YOU have long been consigned to the
oblivion Of the ASH barrel a chance allusion
to You in my pages may be all that keeps
your name alive"
So they went and took bottle Of ink to
gether.
Moral-Don't ride your own hobby too
hard The universe won't stop its revolu-
Gons because your particular theory Of ex-
ts.ence is proved false or pernicious.-Judga
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10
llldn-r Fxpect SuCh Treatment,

This story is told OF Chauncey N. Depew:
One day he was visited by lawyer whom he
had known as a reputable man, and of whose
downfall into the ranks Of mendicants he had
not heard. With tears in his eyes, the man
told of his wifes sickness and death, and then
asked the loan of sufficient money to bury
her. Mr.. Depew, being greatly moved, gave
the man liberal sum and much sympathy.
Six months later the same man again called
upon Mr.. Depew, and taking out the same
old handkerchief, began the old story OF his
wife's sickness and death. Il helped to bury
that wife six months ago." said Mr.. Depew,
interrupting the man. The man stopped talk
ing, wiped his eyes dry. and then, looking Mr..
Depew in the face, said: After ali the years
have known you, didn't expect this from
you, Chauncey. y."-Argonaut
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10

Lack often makes Us over confident.
The flirt sometimes falls in love herself.
Tho arm OF the law seems often out Of
joint.
The hen that doesn't lay eats the most
corn.
The cramp often picks out the best swim
The truest tale isn't always the most be-
lievei
A pair of scissors must part before they can
meet
The insolvent bank often has the finest
building.
The fire comes when the insurance policy
runs out
You cant judge man by his own recon-
To shake bands with all enemy won't atone
for wrong.
A table with three legs is often as steady As
The man with the longest sword often gets
the worst Of IL.
The fish that gets away always looks as big
as the sea serpent.
The man who drinks the most hasn't always
the reddest nose.
Good credit in business is often better than
a fat bank account.
Every lane has turn. but many Of us get
tired before We reach it.
The little money the workingman gets from
the capitalist the labor agitator tries to take
away from him
In these days of elopements It is becoming
rather risky to furnish your new house be-
fore the marriage ceremony has been per-
formed.
A-0 0r-.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10

They tell q good story at the Press club
about ore Of the nautical reporters Of Tne
Herald Some three years ago there was .
young journalist employed in the capacity at
a salary Of SIS . week: a collision had oc-
CURED between two steamers and some lives
had been lost. The young reporter wrote .
horid description, in which he used the words,
speaking Of the moments when the vessel col
lidei. -the scene that followed battles descrip
ton" Young Bennett was at home and went
for him.
why did you not describe the scene that
followed. instead Of saying that it baffled de-
scriptionr thundered the great man.
why, il did battle description
What do you m an. sir!"
THAT it baffied the description Of any SIS
= week reporter
Bennett raised his salary.-Sew York
Truth.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10
TALES 6T eURuerrE,
Funny Things Evolved by The brooklyn :
Exgte Humorist.

Funny Things Evolved by The brooklyn
Exgie Humorist.
"waiter. what have YOU for dinner =
plain roast beef. mashed potatoes, maca-
roni and stevei Tomatoes" Then bring me
some roast lamb, baked potatoes. caulifiower
and lima beans and hc quick about it"
TWO OF DIFFERENT KIND
Resolute Old Lady Ton the ferry)-Young
man, wish you'd throw away that nasty
cigar: as making me sick Wavering Young
Man uneekly compiant-Me, too.
SWEET Uses OF ADVERSELY.
Landlord Of summer hotel-Gcorge, run
down TO Keep Beach and stop with me a
couple Of days. Nou'll like the house I've
got the dandy cook now. GeorSe-French
chef Landlord-Dutch baron He's so
drunk all the time he can't cook and SO has
all our meals sent in from restaurant, and
we're just living fat
BY THE SAD SEA WAVES.
-Ethel, dear, you are looking pale and i'll
this morning" Yes, ma am: went in bath
ing yesterday and got my feet wet" oh,
careless girl, aud spoiled your bathing suit,
no doubt. Never let that happen again
ONE OF HIS KIND OF BOYS
DO You ever take anything" asked the
stranger, noldins toward the mahogany
work. We'll, YES, replied the photographer.
that's my business. Paraioxical as it may
seem, d,al i'll negatives, but never say no."
And he Slid developer about three fingers
deep into the dark closet OF his cavernous
swallowing thing.
RIGHT TO THE SPOT.
Doctor" said the hypochondriac, Il am
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10

paying Tor 1t, stick a Quill In it and initiate the
stock to twenty millions, then borrow thirty
five millions on the new stock by booming it,
make an assignment, bust and slide a fifty
pound ledger up his sleeve, is most gratifying.
In the case Of Mr.. Ives, the gentle. polite
failure to remember, the earnest desire not
To tell lie or anything else, the courteous
and unohtrusive effort to avoid being too
positive about anything that would assist
anybody in ascertainlng anything-all, all is
interesting.
The conversation during the investigation
for one day ran something like this:
Mr.. Ives, did you in making your assign
ment turn over all tue books connected with
your busineSSi"
"Do YOU mean nv hhraryT
mo: the books of account, the day book,
cash book, ledger, etc, etc"
oh"
Il ask if YOU turned over all such books on
the date of YOUR assignment
Il could hardly tell that At least, | would
only swear ON information and belief"
well, to the best of Your knowledge and
belief, did you turn over those books at that
timef"
Il think did. but am not positive as to
the date
What makes YOU think YOU didf'
Because l did frequently turn the books
over. in order to see how they looked on the
other side"
Mr. Ives we find that several of the more
important books connected with your Office
and the firm of Henry ). Ives Il Co. are
missing. Do you know where they arei'
"No. do not"
"were they in your Office prior to your as
signmentr
''Oh. Yes, they were there. according to the
best OF nv knowledge and belief, up TO the
time that they were not there"
Have YOU any idea, Mr.. Ives, where those
books are nowf'
No, sir: only in a general way"
''How do You mean in a general wayf'
swell, | mean that l know only in what
might be called a general way"
well, Mr. Ives, will you state then. in .
general way, where those books are nowF'
Yes, sir; they are elsewhere"
"W hat makes you say they are elsewhere,
Mr.. Ivesr
Because they are not there"
-Well, now, will you tell us whether you
remove ed those books from the office Of H. S.
Ives & Co. or notlr
DO YOU ask me to answer that question
personality
Yes"
"Do YOU wish a verbal answer or would
you rather have it in writings"
ANSWER orally
swell, then. did not, to nv knowledge"
Would YOU have been apt to know Of it il
Won had taken them AWAY yourseiff-
well, only in q general way"
would You have known about it il any
one else had taken them awayf'
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10

y think would. but might not There
was a great deal Of passing along our street.
and they may have been taken while / was
looking out OF the window. waiting till the
crowds rolled by"
And SO Mr.. Ives continued to shed inform
alton upon the inquiring mind in a courteous
and Opaque manner that must have endeared
him to all.
Mr. Ives has in no transaction shown him
self so thoroughly shrewd as he did when he
swapped a doubtful reputation for a large
sum of money. The only wonder is that
there We're so many men who wanted to in
vest IN that kind of goods. He did shrewd
thing. but he will not be able to profit by it.
New York World
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10

"What's the nationality Of themf' said q
tall woman with a determined eye as she
pointed her parasol at the elephants in the
circus which recently exhibited at Sioux
Falls
african, num-" replied the man i'll at
tendance.
Awful light colored for coming from
Africa, seems to me- continued the deter.
mined eyed woman. And see here. you
lust tell the owners of this show that say
think they've got mighty poor lot of cameis
all Of 'em single bumped except one. When
pay fifty cents cash for myself and 81. IS
for the children to get in want to see more
double bumpers and less hair rubbed of of
'em round in spots. You just tell 'em what
sayr'-DaSota Bell
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10
The Spirit of the Age.

Omaha Man-This country is all right just
as it is Omaha folks have nothing TO com
plain of
Detroit Man-Oh, well, Omaha is very
primitive YOU must remember. In places
like Detroit where people keep up with the
age, we find that the laws which did well
enough in the old days are all wrong now.
We need new ones.
Cant imagine what"
Well, for one thing, we want the churches
to charge fifty cents admission on Sundays" {"
"Eh, Why'7
Their free blowouts interfere toe much
with the bail games Omaha World
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10
LITTLE LAUGHS.

The plumber is out Of season. end every
body Is q al of il Merchant Traveller.
The puilsters hav. forgotten to sny that the
Oldest woman on record Is Aunty DiluvIan--
Merchant Traveller.
II is whispered in New York paper that
certain ladies' of that city are very fond OF
playing poker Its an iron poker, Of course,
and their husbands the ones who get
beaten ia til" gaue.-Charleston Enterprise
Sunith-l hear Mrs. B. has returned fror
the country Brownies, the melancholy
DAYS have come, the saddest of the year -
Boston Budget.
1t Is II singular thing that man never be-
gins TO show his temper until he loses it
Boston Courier
"Ses. I'm tired Of life. I've about made up
nv mind 10 commit suicide" "Good scheme,
old fellow; have another cigarette w ash
ington Critic.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10
The Changing Year.

Her lips ripened cherries, her hair fleece Of
gold.
And everybody told me she owned a million, cold.
So while the leaves were turning beneath the
autumn skies.
watched my dumb devotion reflected in her
eyes.
wasted half my substance in sending her
bouquets.
When all the birds were mating and caroling for
spring.
spent what was remaining on an engagement
ring.
And now that through the woodland the summer
sunbeams slant,
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10

The sweetest girl think is she
Who never winks or blinks at me,
But passes by,
With better purpose under sun
Than hunting lovers on the run :
Or on the fly.
She's hunted, not the huntrrss she.
Men think enough OF her TO lie
Her willing slave:
She does not loiter on the brink
OF curbstone where the dandies slink
And polished knaves.
Her home is where her lovers WOO
And where she shines respondent too
And guiieless fair;
Where parents love, O sacred shade
That shields the virtues OF q maid
Or mated pair.
O could a woman know how far
Those virtues shine that modest arc
And turn all eyes;
She would not daugle after men,
Nor think herself admired when
All men despIse.
Chicago Herald.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10

a few months ago all old gentleman was
seen mailing notice on u fence on the south
side of Austin avenue. A friend passing,
said:
Why don't YOU have the notice put III the
daily paper, where people can read itt'
Nv aal,' said the old gentleman, IF took
it to the newspaper office them newspaper fel-
lers would get it spelled wrong. and then
somebody would think didn't have no eddi-
cation"
The notice read: Howe fur rent inchoir
on preymesis Texas Siftings
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10

as this a fire insurance companyl" he in
quired as be hesitatingly entered the Office Of
one Of the best known companies in the
country.
Yes, sir. Anything We can do for your
Yes I'm travelling man, and just got
a situation. I've been unfortunate in every
other job I've had. Always struck dull trade,
you know. and got fired. Now. if You will
insure me against fire III this case I'll be per
fectly willing To pay whatever is reasonable
for policy"
But the company wasn't filling that kind
Of long felt want Merchant Traveller
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10

Teacher-Can anyone help Johnny to finish
the fourth commandment.
Small Boy-Yethm And the Lord blethed
the Thaturday and made it holiday. Life
Some Candid Judgment.
Briggs-Tompkns has been talking about
you.
He has! The idotic old liar. What did
he sayf'
Why, he said you were the best looking
man on the block
"Wh- Oh. see! Well, you know Mr..
Tompkins was always conceded to have Z
great deal of taste Judge
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10

A boy was shouting "Fire!" in a lusty man
ner in front of house on Fourth avenue the
other day when pedestrian hurried up and
asked where the fire was
-Haint any" Then what are You Yelling
fori"
~To git nav to the door She's just got
her hair done up In curl papers, and when
abe sticks her head out and shows it to the
neighbors she'll be mad 'nuR to cry."-De-
troit Free Press
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10
An Old Bachelors Love.


Now, because you are young and romantic.
You wonder have not wife,
And you hint a, an episode frantic.
chapter of love in my life.
nave tl"ated far down on times river,
And yet I confess not a dart
Little Cupid 1t fly from his quiver
Has hit my phlegmatic old heart
You increlulous being to doubt it,
Well. have il your way II you will
You are right Ask me no more about it.
Enough, that loved-love her still.
No. she is not a beautiful creature,
But she has heaut full soul.
And its grace, shining out in each feature,
Transforms and illumines the whole.
"why not marry her them 1t Is clearly
Sheer folly such feeling TO smother"
! shall love her forever sincerely,
But, man, can l marry mother
Judge.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10

Good Minister-It is rather odd that the
collections are exactly 81 less than they used
to be.
Ministers Wife-Nothng odd about it.
We have not lost any of our congrega-
ton
No, but suppose that you remember that
Mr.. PIous never used to give less than q
dollar"
"Of course"
w ell. Mr.. Pious has been elected a deacon
and he passes the plate now. Omaha
World
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10

"Tommie," said IA New Mexico lady, ai-
dressing her son, you shouldn't make SO free
with the gentleman. You never saw him be
fore"
"Yessum, have. He's the man that shot
pap"
"Oh, is hef l thought he was a stranger.
Go back and tslk to him if you want to-
Arkan.aw Traveller
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10

Omaha Mnn--Of all personsl When did
you cross the Atlantic, Georges
English Lord-Hushi Harry, don't speak 80
loud Call me Blinks.
"Blinks, eh! Say, George, what means
his masqueradingT
The fact is. Harry, I'm in love with an
American girl and am trying to pass myself
o6 for q respectable citizen. World
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10
No Regard for Her Feelings.

An Austin family has colorei servant
that. while very attentive to her duties, has
never been known 10 give anybody a civil
answer Purely as an experiment :he lady
of the house bought her new calico dress,
and gave it TO her, saying:
Il am glad to have the pleasure, Matildy,
of giving you this dress"
Yer mout hab mad dat pleasure long ago,
ef yer had any regard fo' my feelings" was
the gracious reply.-Harper's Magazine.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10

Omaha CROMWELL. my dear. the we'd
ding tour is flushed and here We are in our
new home
Bride-But, George. the servant girl who
was TO be here las not arrived
Il see. It's too late to hunt up another to
day. l suppose you can get supper, can't
your
"Of course. Go out and buy some steak,
not too rare, with mushrooms and French
potatoes and iced cake and hot waffles, and
I'll set the table while you're gone. Omaha
World
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10

Hello. Charley. what are YOU doing
movingF asked one Young man of another
whom he met with big valise in his hand.
I've just commenced my vacation"
"Your vacation~
Yes, I'm vacating at the request Of my
landlady Washington Critic.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-09-10

A small boy, Tommy Peterby, who is one
Of family Of ten, was Ia en- out in the fam
ily carriage with his mother As they drove
past a small cottage Of three rooms Mrs. Pc
tsrby remarked how pretty it looked.
YES, it looks very nice" said Tommy,
and it wouldn't be a bit too big for our fam
ly if it wasn't for pa and the children. -
Harler's Magazine.