The united opinion. [volume] (Bradford, Vt.) 1881-1970, 1887-02-04
A MIDNIGHT LECTURE.
7. De WITT TALMAGE TELLS AN
ENTERTAINING STORY.

EN- Eh' AlNING STORY.
A Train "NlIsscs onnection".Tast Kid.
Ing ON an "Extra''-Another Delay-A
Patient Audience In waiting-On tho
Home stretch.
At 8 o'clock precisely, on consecutive
nights, We stepped on the rostrum at Chi
cago, GAINESVILLE, indianapolis, Detroit,
Jacksonville, Cleveland and Buffalo. But
1t seemed that Dayton WINS to DO failure.
We telegraphed from indianapolis, "Missed
connection. Cannot possibly meet engage
mcnt at Dayton" Telegram camo back,
saying, "Take locomotive and come on!'
We could not get locomotive. Another
telegram arrived. "Thc superintendent Of
railroad will send yoa In an extra train. Go
Immediately to the dcpot!' We gathered
up our traps from the hotel floor and sofa,
and hurled them at the sachel. They would
not 60 in. We put q collar in our hat and
the shaving apparatus In our coat pocket;
got on the sachcl with both feet, and lc-
clared the thing should 20 shut If it split
everything between indianapolis and Day
ton. Arriving at the depot, the train was
ready. We had a locomotive and one car
There We're six of us OH the train-namely,
the engineer and stoker on tho locomotive;
while following were the conductor, a
brakeman at each eni of the car, and the
writer.
"When shall We get to Dayton'" we
asked
"Half-past nine O'clock" responded the
conductor.
"Absurd!'' we said; emo audience will
wait till 0:30 at night for n lecturer"
AT BREAK NECK SPEED.
Away we flew. The car having such
light load, frisked and kicked, and made
merry of journey that to us was becoming
very grave. Going round sharp curve at
break neck speed, we felt inclined to sug-
gcst to the conductor that it would make no
especial difference if VIC did not get to Day
ton till 9:45. The night was cold, and the
hard ground Numbered and cracked. The
bridges, instead of roaring, as is their wont,
had no time to give any more than grunt
as We struck them and passed on. At times
it was SO rough we were in doubt as to
whether we We're on the track or taking a
short cut across the fields to get to our des-
tination little sooner. The haginen would
hastily open their windows and look at tho
screeching train. The whistle blew wildly,
not SO much to give the villages warning as
to let them know that something terrible
had gone through. Stopped to take in wood
and water. A crusty old man crawled out
of depot, and said to the engineer, Jim,
what on earth is the natter"
"Don't know" said Jim; ''that fellow in
the car yonder is bound to get to Dayton,
and we are putting things through"
Brakes lifted, bell rung, and off again.
Amid the rush and pitch of the train there
was no chance to prepare our toilet, and no
looking glass, and it was quite certain that
we would have to step from the train i'm
mediatcly into the lecturing hall. We were
unfit to be seen. We were sure our hair
was parted in five or six different places,
and that the cinders had put our faces in
deep mourning, and that something must be
done. What time we could spare from hold
ing on to the bouncing seat we gave to our
toilet, and the arrangements we made,
though far from satisfactory, satisfied our
conscience that we had done what we could.
A button broke as we were fastening our
collar-indeed button always does break
when you are in hurry and nobody to
sew it on.
A MISCALCULATION.
=, H 10y, 5ree before we get there9' we
81 hay 3niscalculaaeu, saiNyUI., ce.,dNc-
tor; "weJannot get there till 0:55 o'clocg. !"
"My dear man, we cried, "you might as
well turn round and 60 back; the audience
will be COMO long before 10 o'clock"
"No!" said the conductor; Sat the last
depot I got a telegram saying they were
waiting patiently, and telling us to hurry
on"
The locomotive seemed to feel it was on
the home stretch. At times, what with the
whirling smoke, and the showering sparks,
and the din, and rush, and bang, it seemed
as if we were OH our last ride, and that the
brakes would not fail till we stopped for
over
A 9:55 o'clock we rolled into the Dayton
depot, and before the train came to halt
we were in carriage with the lecturing
committee, going at the horses full run
toward the opera house. Without an in
slant in which to slacken our pulses, the
chairman rushed in upon tho stage, and in
troduced the lecturer of the evening. After
in the quickest way shedding overcoat and
shawl, wo confronted the immense audience,
and with our head yet swimming from the
motion of the rail train, we accosted the
people-many of whom had been waiting
since Z o'clocl-with the words:
"Long suffering but patient ladies and
gentlemen, you are the best natured audi
cnce ever saw" When we concluded what
we had to say it was about midnight, and
hence tho title of this little sl1etch.-T De
Witt Talmage in Brooklyn Magazine.
Gen. Logan's Washington House.