Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1887-12-08

| Nille cattle-Show, last till. Ana she srdbDr
up the tail of that petticoat, which ha'
dipped itself into pot of black paint tina
we'd mixed 10 stripe off with aud rubbe,
| il over her counernance, and black aud blu
was about equally mixed.
Heaven and earth Margaret Ann.
sez /, 'you'l II never come clean In the worl'
without billing ont" And made a rnsl
toward her, Ia wipe her of with my apron
and | forgot that | was on them barrels
and the board tilted up and | made "A gral
TO save myself, and down | went into one o
them barrels-feet fust, paint brush and al
and the barrel fitted me rs well rs if tn
cooper had took my measure.
Murder - cried Margaret Ann, running
10 the door and shouting down the road
MA has suicided herself Help Help !!
Aud, in n minnit, Reuben come running
in like mad, and Squire Power. which hac
come over 20 swap some setting-hens' eggs
and he come in with him.
Creation of Adam 70 sez Reuben, "now
there's another good barrel gone to shucks
And | shall have 10 buy barrels TO put my
apple-crop into Twenty cents on a barrel
out Mirandy," ser he "it is strange that Z
woman rs old as you are can't keep herseli
ont Of such scrapes like this
IL guess it'll be "A scrape in airnest before
git out, sez |, as | squirmed around and
the nails on the inside of the pesky barrel
begun 20 plow into my hide.
Lets pull her out, sez Squire Power,
splitting onto his hands and bracing hisself
"You hold onto the barrel, Virgins, and
I'll extract her jest as the dentist takes out
a moller."
And Reuben grabbed the barrel, and the
Squire grabbed me. He got me right by that
shoulder of mine that I've had the rhumatiz
into for nigh onto six year, and, fora min
nit, thought should be made into two
Mirandy Wigginses. l struck out with the
hand that had the paint-bruah in il, and
the Squire's mouth was the nearest and most
convenient opening-and in the brush went
paint and all, and stufiocated him nigh n
bout 10 death.
'wo-o-u-g-h 20 seq the Squire, squirting
ont " hat he had inside of his mouth and
throat, and firing il right down the back of
my neck, where that shirt of Reuben's had
"a button of. And he let 20 of me so sud
dint, that IL upset Reuben, who was a-hold-
ing onto the barrel with all his might.
Ma ma 70 cried Margaret Ann. "can't
You kinder screw yourself round and get
out >"
''You might try it on yerself," seq !, feel
ing mad enuff 10 break something right in
two with the poker, "and see how you liked
il, with nine hundred and fifty nails a-stick-
ing into your back and stummuk and claw
ing the in'ards out OF ye.''
Squire Power was intirely overcome, and
lac staggered back and fell into cheer that
Reuben had bought Mt an auction because
ii was two hundred and twenty year old,
and Washi hington had sot into il. Margaret
Ann had jest painted the back Of it with
some yaller daisies and n sunflower, and /
yelled out rs seed the Squire a-going:
Cont set into that cheer /! It's"
But the Squire had sot before l got the
words out, and the deed was done. And,
when he got up, there was that bunch of
daisies and that sunfower, Photographed on
10 the back 70 his coat as slick as you could
mark yogr name onto a soap-boN with a
stencil-piate
'1'll empty her out" ser Reuben, seized
with bright idee : strange that didn't
think of il afore." And he grabbed that
barrel and stood me right mp on my head,
rocked the barrel round fust one way and
t'other, jes; as If was coal-ashes that had
got wet and stuck.
"Reuben Virgins seq / rs soon as
could speak, 'if ever git out of here, I'll
make You sorry for this. You're a-running
my brains all out through the top of my
head"
BUST of the hoops" sez the Squire, COM
ing TO the rescue. And he seized hammer
and hit the barrel lick that sot my rhu-
maticks off into tantrum and nigh about
blowed off the top of my skull. But the
barrel caved, and was saved.
jest as got out, heerl terrible wall
ing kind of howl from Nero-that's our
dog-and knowed he was in trouble /
went out into the sitting-room, where the
noise come from-and, Ideclare, l didn't
know wether to laff or cry. Margaret Ann
had sot that pot of prepared glue onto the
table, and the dog had got up there and up
sot it, and the glue had run out, and he laid
down and got TO sleep, and his tail had dried
into the glue-and so had my ten-dollar
switch of hair that I'd took off afore 1 be-
gun painting and laid down there !
The table-cloth on that table was one that
Mary Ann Simons worked in this ere kero-
sene-work that was so stylish jest now, and
we'd either got to cut the cloth off from the
the tail or cut the tail off from the cloth. 1t
dog. / did not hesertate +: grabbed the
scissors, and was a-going % slash right in
10 the cloth, when the dog-seeing no doubt
how desprit lool1ed-give an awful howl
and frantic leap and cleared hisself-cloth
false hair, and all-from the table and
dashed into the front-entry right over the
mess of chany and through the winder,
and down the road like streak, with that
table cloth and that ten-dollar switch, war
ranted not dyed and all long hair, a-trailing
after him like tail to kite
And that chany was smashed into kind
ling, and we all sot after the dog a-yelling /;
Git out there git out - And the grocery
mans clerk come out and fired ut Nero,
thinking he had the hydrophoby, and killed
old Mrs. Mulligan's goat, that was a-lunch-
ing off the ole hoop-skirts and tomato-cans
in Grigg's backyard. And she's sued him
for damidges.
And, jest as Reuben and the Squire and
and Maragret Ann had got to the front-gate,
a-pursuing Nero, 4 carriage driv up and out
stepped Arabella De Jones and Gabriel Van
Robinson, her young man.
Imagine if You can, the tableau