The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-11-10
9lashes Of fun.

49, AS
~neighbor's son. so you've got back home,
eh?" .
eyes, sir"
Been out in the coontry, rusticating?"
"No, sir; we've been out in the coun-
Free Press ....r# @En Ct~
The Chicago Limit: Omaha Dame
lyon lave been married quitesa number.
Of times, I believe" Chicago. Grass
Window-"Yes, but I shall never marry
again "You are still young" "True,
but | an superstitious. should be afarid
to marry again." "Indeed! Why?"
"Thirteen is an unlucky number
Omaha World. .'..s .|r.,
Il Think" said the minister, who was
visiting a parishioner, " that it is, easier to
coax children than to drive them. Gentle
words are more effective than harsh ones.''
Il think so, too," said the lady. Then
she raised the window and shouted to
her boy:
Johnnie, if you don't come in out of
that mud puddle 1 will break your neck"
Omaha World.
Papa. how do they catch monkeys?'
inquired Willie, who had been to the
menagerle. 49,.
The best way nowadays, 1 think, is
by means of a double-barreled hustle and
triple size cart wheel hat and a fancy
~parasol." 49,. 49,
yes" remarked Willie's mother
musingly, Il used to be very much adj
dicted to those little foibles before we
we're married. Critic.
Mrs. Van Coover (to celier)-"I have
such a splendid cook, and she is such an
early riser. The ice man leaves the ice
at five o'clock and she is always there to
bring it in. She is a perfect treasure. [
don't known what [ should do wOthOut
her."
Splendid Cook Opening the. door,
"Plaze, mum, it's a wakes notice DIM
given yer. Ohm to marry Dennis, the ice
man, in a month come Thoorsday.'-New
York San.
First Kansas Woman-Were you at the
polls yesterday, Mamie?
Second Kansas woman-Oh, yes, [ was
out at the dear little polls. Isn't it just
too nice to vote?
Greatly, dear, [ don't remember
well you remember that they had two
kinds of tickets-white and red"
"Oh, I remember now. 1t was a lovely
little red ticket that I put in the polls.
why, 1 am surprised. That was the
RepublicaE ticket"
"Well, [ didn't ask. l saw that the
color of the ticket was a delicate red and
it exactly matched my dress Omaha
World.
City Editor (apparently troubled)-Do
you mean to say, Mr.. Stubpen, that you
have completed this report of the horse
race?
Reporter-That's the best [ can do.
"Why, see here, you haven't even said
anywhere that the track was cuppy or
a horse went into the air.
"Well, l didn't hear that the track was
cuppy or that any horse did go into the
air"
City Editor (decisively)-No matter;
work it in somewhere. 1t sounds profess
sional and your report needs something;
anybody can understand it now.-Spr1ng-
,fela Homestead.
"That's what I call a good dinner re-
marked Bobby, as he leaned back IN his
chair with an air of repletion.
"Bobby,' said his mother, Il am
ashmed of you" The minister of the
chapel, who was dining with the family,
laughed heartily.
@Bobby appreciates the good things of
life" he said, "like the rest of u.s.
"Don't you think it was a good dinner?'
Bobby asked of the minister.
eyes indeed" he said, II enjoyed it
very much"
INA said she thought you would, be-
cause she didn't suppose you got very
much at home" remarked Bobby.-7o-
Fonto Truth.
He was leaning against the lamppost,
and the watchful guardian Of the night
came up very respectfully.
Fine night, Mr.. JONES'
"Bootiful."
"You are out rather late, amt you?'
"No. no-about my usual time"
"Are you waiting for somebody !"
"No, no-going home. A little tired,
than's all; little tired"
"In walk down with you and see you
to your door,"
"Thank you, thank you, but there's no
need. The other side Of the block Will be
round this way in a moment, and III just
pop in when my door comes along. Thank
you. Good night"
A man, while fishing, suddenly fell into
the water. A fellow fisherman OF benev-
olent aspect promptly hauled him out, laid.
him on his book, and then began to scratch
his head in a puzzled way.
whats the matter?' asked the by