The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1887-09-08
Poor Dunder.

Sergeant, wash some warrant oudt
to arrest me?" softly inquired Carl
Dunder, as he tiptoed into the Wood
bridge street stationhouse.
mot that know of-why?" replied
Sergt. Bendal.
''Vhell, two or three days ago
strange man comes in my place. Vhas
/ Carl Dunder? l vhas. All right
Mr.. Dunder, vahs of the board of
health, und / like to look in your
cellar for dead rats und cholera. Dot
seems all right to me, und light der
candle und he goes doun. He wash
gone long time, und ven he comes up
he says dot cellar vhas all right. He
vahs in New York, Chicago, Toledo,
und odder places, und he neafer see
sooch a clean place."
t'Some swindler, of course"
"Vhell. in der afternoons anodder
mans vhalks in on me. Vhas 1 Carl
Dunder? /. vhas. All right Mr.
Dunder, vhas dot sewer in your cellar
all right? II he wasn't, dot sewer gas
fills der whole place und you vbas
taken to der boneyard. Dot seems all
right, und let him go down. He
vhas gone a good while, und he comes
OOP hC vas III SlA-
cinnati, Syracuse, und Baltimore, und
he neafer see sooch sewer pefore."
HE was another swindler."
"Vell, dis morning the third man
comes in. Vhas l Carl Dunder? /
vhas. All right. Mr.. Dunder, l vhas
the fire commissioner. Maybe your
cellar vhas all right if you vhas cut off
by fire, und maype she needs some
fire-escapes. Please light dot candle
und shall see. He vhas gone twenty
minutes, und when he comes oop he
wipes off his shin NIT his elbow. Dot
put some ideas in my hedt, but he says
he vas in Kansas City, Omaha, Mil
waukee, und he neafer see cellar
fixed oop like mine. In case of fire ne
could shump out like rabbit"
"What a greenhorn you areT
"Vhell maype l vahs. / go down
cellar pooty quick to look aroundt, und
find dot dose fellers drink three bot
ties of my wine und shteal some more.
Dot vhas game on me, sergeant"
''Of course it was"
"Vhell, 1 made oop my mind dot der
next feller pays for all. He yhas
sweet und shmiling. Vhas l Carl
Dunder, vahs. Ali right Mr. Dun
der, I like to go down cellar to see
your"
"Whatp"
''Shust aboudt dot time ! shump for
him, und in two minutes he vhas pull
verified. make mop of him, und !
smash two tables NIT his heels. He
crawls out doors after a while, und
when he wash gone half an hour my
telephone rings. Hello! Vhas dis
Carl Dunder? He vhas. Well Mr..
Dunder, you half almost killed der
mans we sent to read your gas meter
und she will cost you $500 to settle"
mo! And you pounded the wrong
| manp
"Vhell, how can / help itp One day
q false expressman brings me shtone
in a package, und collects 80 cents.
Der next day annodder man brings me
a package, und after lick him l. find
she vhas bundle from der shtore.
One man comes in and collects money
to build shurch. He vhas a shwind.
ler, und look oudt. / gif der next
man some awful kicks, und he proofs
dot he vhas a preacher. You see, il
yhas all because nobody vhas like him
self two times, sergeant"
| "Wellp'
81 vhas going home, und go to bedt
! vhas sick all oafer. If ten hoonered
| men come to shwindle me it vhas al
right, und / doan' say a word. Il
you ring oop my telephone tonight
und vhas hanged by der neck in del
wood-shed you can say dot l died be-
cause of sooch a queer country
Detroit Free Press.