Morning journal and courier., 1887-10-03
SEASONABLE.

This is the open season l1 oysters.-Low- ell Courier.
 F The hardest blows of the year-the equi- knocks.-Columbus Dispatch. Cardinal Newman says gentleman Is one who never inhicts pain. This is rough on the dentists. Omaha World. There may be foreign matter in the chick en pie, but the restaurateur will never re- veal it.-Boston Transcript. If the conumdrum fend asks you why the prohibitionists hate the Volunteer, be quick and answer Because she is always ready to defend the cup. p.'-Philadelphia Call. s'Who was the meekest person that ever lived, Tommy?n asked the teacher. "Moses." "Correct, Tommy; and Willie Wafies may I tell us who the oldest person wss." sShe'," promptly replied Willie.-Sun. Teacher (of spelling class)-"Tommy Trad dies, you may spell cigarette" Tommy Traddles (somewhat ill l-prepared)-"Well-er my pa won't let me smoke lem an don't think he'd care to have me thpell 'm.-Sun. He Boosts High.-Backslide Johnsing, be- ing sighted, mistakes the weathercock for fugitive from the chicken roost-"Yer
 needn't roost so high, chicken. I ain't goin' ings.
 He-''What lovely fan you have, Miss
 Edith" She-tYes, I like it. My papa
 hand-painted" He-"Indeeda And how
 nicely it matches your complexion. "-Detroit Free Press.
 A little three year old girl when her mother
 was trying to get her to sleep one summer evening began to ask questions about noise outside. When told that it was caused by g cricket she wisely remarked, Mamma, think it ought to be oiled ''-Exchange. ssYou were nice, quiet little boy in Sun
 day school this morning, Bobby" said the
 minister. 1T was very much pleased"
 "Yes," replied Bobby, "pa said that if I'd
 to church. ."-Furnishing Goods Trade Re
 view.
 ''If those branded peaches are spoiled"
 them to the pigsa' s'I did, but they wouldn't
 eat them" "They ate quantity last year"
 "Yes, and got drunk. Once was enough.
 Do you think that pigs are like men in verythinga"-Sun.
 Jones-sI say, Smith, I saw great magi-
 ade, or any drink you wanted, out of a white
 hat" Smitn-"That's nothing; we've got
 grocer on our corner who can give you thirty five, forty and forty-fye cent butter out of
 the same ub."-Harper's Bazar.
 "Yes, Bobby" said the caller, who was waiting for Bobby's mamma, ''that is very curious pin, and prize it highly. It was worn by my grandmother" ''That's funny" commented Bobby. "Why funny, Bobby" q heard ma say that she didn't think you ever had agrandmother."-Sun Parent-"Who is the laziest boy in your class, Johnny?" Johnny-"I dunno" q should think you would know. When all the others are industriously writing or study ing their lessons who is he who sits idly in his seat and watches his rest, instead of working himselfa" The er."-Texas Siftings.
 Don Atenogenes complains bitterly of the conduct of his son. He relates at length to an old friend all the young mans escapades. ssYou should speak to him with irmness to call him to his duty" says the friend. "But he pays not the least attention to what say. He listens only to the advice of fools 1 wish you would talk to him. ."-Mexican Fun. "Papa, raise the blind, won't you," lan- guidly requested Maud as the growing gloom settled over the ninety-seventh page of CAT mand, the Terrible" Papa was snoring mildly, but he managed to grunt: "on a queen high! Dye take me for chumQ" and the tired spirit was again waited into the glorious dreamland.-Binghamton Republi- can.
 Upon the sands my darilngs name Nrote; A wave came up and washed the name away Her father wrote his name upon my note; When it ce me due there was the deuce to pay. Boston Courier.