The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-10-13
9lashfs Of Gnn.

Il aim 10 ten tuc uuILl. Les, nCer-
r,,nted an acquaintance, "but you are a
very bad shot, Chicago Living Church.
A PHILADELPHIA school girl, upon being
asked by the teacher to define a hollow
mockery, promptly replied, "a bustle."-
Phil. Herald.
1.-TWO knots an hour isn't such bad time
for a clergyman" smilingly said the min
;ster to himself, just after he had united
the second couple.-Merchamt 7faveznr.
Young Wife-"I took great pains with
the salad we had for dinner, Robert"
Robert, rubbing his "%embonpoint" rue
fully-"And so did, my dear."-Arkam-
sas LITE.
"You want a keepsake that will always
remind you of mel" 81 do, darling" he
said tenderly. "What's the matter with
myaelf?" she whispered. There will be
wedding shortly.
Heiress-"1 am afraid it is not for me
that YOU. come so often, but for my
money" Ardent Woer-"Y You are cruel
to say so. How can I get your money
without getting your
HAS your husband gone to the meet
inc Of the United Sons of Toll p "He
has, Sor." "Was he. delighted?' IF
that's a heightened word for dhrunk he
wor."- Warrington Critic.
Chicago drummer, to a stranger
What line of goods are you selling, sir?'
Stranger, with dignity-"Tm a lawyer.
sell brains Chicago drummer-"Ah,
YES. Retail / s'pose."-New York Sun.
They were discussing art matters.
Have you ever been done in oil, Mr..
Smith," she asked. "Oh, yes" he re-
piled. "Who was the artist?' "He
wasn't an artist: he was a broker
Puck.
"Mamma," said Flossie, Il think that
little girls ought to wear bustles instead
Of ladies'
Why, Flossie?'
cause little girls have to be spanked.'
.New York Sun.
Can you swim?" mot a bit, stran-
ger, but l recon if ye'd drap me down in
Their middle of this hyur river, I'd reach
land 'thout much diffikelty,,' "Why, how
So? "Waal, carcalate Ip 60 right to the
bottom.-Harper's Bazaar.
Mrs. Brown: "You told me that if [
left my table cloth out all night the fruit
stains would disappear. Well, I put it
out last night" Mrs. Jones: "Of course
the stains were gone in the morning 2"
Mrs. Brown: Eyes; so was the table
cloth.
Teacher-"Havc animals a capacity for
affection? ?"
Class-"Nearly ALL"
Teacher-"Correct. Now, what ami
NAL possesses the greater affection for
MANI"
Little GirlE-"W oman."--O Omaha World.
"What's all this racket" asked a raw
cling man, as he got off the train in Phil
adelphia. "They're celebrating the sign
ing of the United States Constitution
"Why, that happened a hundred years
ago!' yes" And they are just get
ting on to it? Well, if that amt Philadel-
phia all over!''- Washington Critic.
\ colored gentleman applied to Col.
1erger, Of Austin Texas, for employment.
Have you my reference from your
former emaloyers?' asked Col. Yerger.
Yes, I has, boss. Use worked under all
the superintendent of de ~penitenshiary
for de las 10 years, and dey jess wor-
shipped me, boss."-Teror Sittings.
A New York State Judge who had a
kissing case before him said: "There is
no objection, so for as [ can see, to a man
kissing a girl if she be willing: But you
must not do it against her will. She has
a right to object, and if she doeS you
mustn't do it. Be sure she is willing be
fore you try. If she objects, then take
Some girl who won't.'-Omnho 'Forid.