Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1887-04-16

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Coed manners are best cultivated ia
the qualities productive Of them, for
ac5uai manner g not q thing 70 be
studied IN the strict sense Of the word.
Outward behavior. shaped With elab-
crate design, IS destructive Of all true
ease and gracefulnesg, and there is no
more inevitable failure than ahsctation,
which, with its pretenEous absurdities
and inslneeritiess is largely the bane Of
modern manners. Ia Roehefoucauld
says truly. "On nest jemais 81 ridicule
par les qualities que Pom q que par csIIes
que Pom affects d'avoir, and those who
attempt to model their exterior conduct
upon that of others only succeed in re-
sembling the tabled isckdaW of Dor
roWed ptumes- Even should affectatiOn
have temporary success It VIII not wear
sooner or later what Is beneath comes
to Light, and none but the genuinely
natural manner Is really successful IN
the long run. But, although manner
itself Is not to be studied, the many
qualities. such as sympathy, for
bearance, thOughtfulness and IN
selhshness, which are the root and
foundation Of what is best In
manners, may be prGchced by all, 1t
Is not given to every one to be a brill
1ant talkers but every one who chooses
can be that rarer and often more ap-
preciated thIng-a good listener.
Manners and conversation are so
closely connected that either subject
naturally includes the other, and all
authorities on the art Of conversation
agree that the first requisite to excel
In it is to listen with attention; vet,
though this duty Is often inculcated,
and Is demonstrated by daily experi-
Once, so difficult It is to listen we'll that
few attain the capability to even q
moderate extent. Average listeners
think almost wholly Of what they shall
say themselves, caring only to hear so
much as viii admit Of q reply, and, in
stead of waiting to receive the full
sense Of the words addressed to them,
they lay hold on the first possible OPP
pOrtunity for interruption, and SINH
larly are interrupted themselves in
turn; thus conversation is marred, dis
torted, and perverted, and misconcep-
lions and neutrality-suspicious. are its too
frequent results. The true art of con
YersatiOn Is well said to consist less in
self-dispiay than in the drawing ont Of
others; people in general desire to
please and to be considered agreeable
-l----g- l---a-4 l1 y q -4EAasAGA Will OK 10
admire the talents of another.
Assume a virtue if you have It
not, might be socially transcribed,
Assume an interest if you have It
not, which, at first glance, sounds
hypocritical, but, looked at closer, we
have to admit with George Eliot that
"a little unprecedented insincerity
must be INDUCED under the stress Of
social intercourse. "The talk even
Of an honest man must often
represent merely his wish to be
mohensive or agreeable rather
than his genuine opinion or feeling on
the matter in hand. In the same way,
no one should be positive or dogmatic
IN society Speak, though sure, with
seeming difhdenee" it is no excuse to
prove that you were in the right; only
50 much worse for your adversary's
feelings toward you. Persuasion, also,
Is a more powerful agent than aggres-
siYe assertion, and persons who pique
themselves upon calling a spade a
spade are not often the most pleasant
members Of society.
Tact is, above all things, the most
necessary for good manners. Tact i'm
plies quick observation and discern
ment-the power Of doing and saying
the right thing at the right moment
and In the right way. Invaluable in
every sphere, it Is more especially a
feminine quality-one also which plays
an important part IN both the social
and domestic life Of women, and
through it, IN a great measure, they
WELD their strongest weapon, influence
"A right" essentially feminine and m
assailable. The art of receiving and
entertaining agreeably and gracefully
is only possessed in perfection by the
women Of tact, and it is sometimes said
tllat small dinner parties are the test Of
WOman's social abilities. A crowd
VIII take care of itself; but the smaller
circle depends very much more upon
the capabilities Of its hostess. Home
Journal.