The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1887-01-09
THE SCIENCE OF Badness.
Bill Nye Gives Some Hints for Re-
storing the Hair.

Elisha ID. WnerFy, baLLIe 0rOOK,
writes as follows: II am hardly q
years old, and yet am almost entirely
bald. l have recently read in the Popu-
lar Science Monthly that badness is very
largely on the increase, and that by &C
tual count fully 30 per cent. of the men,
even at concert or tragedy, are more
or less bald. This number is largely
increased, it is said, when the play has
more. dash and spirit in it, and the
leading lady throws aside all reserve"
The Popular Science Monthly says that
by actual count there were present at
Trinity Church, Boston, recently. 243
men, of whom II were actually bald and
AZ with strong indications of badness;
Kings ChaDel, Sc men, of whom SO were
actually and hopelessly bald, and 48 on
probation; Hollis Street theatre orches-
ira Mikado'' performance, So men-27
badly bald and 10 who thought they
could still be bald or let it alone; Bos-
ton Theatre, Judic, 126 men, OF whom
81 were actually bald and 43 appren.
tees.
This writer also says that badness is
most plentiful in New York and Boston.
Next Philadelphia and Washington, af-
ter which comes Chicago and the west
ern cities. Can you tell me the cause of
badness and your theory as to its Won
derful prevalence? l hope you will
pardon me for writing you, but 1 have
learned casually that you sometimes
dabbled in science, also in badness. l
would be glad to know if you have sue
ceeded in finding anything. to help your
badness; as l am still young aud IN
married. Life is still before me, and l
Want to go to some one who will tell me
frankly whether there is still hope for
me or not"
Badness is liable to break out in the
most unlocked for localities, but think
it is generally inherited. l inherited
mine, but l have added to it a good
deal
You'may not think you have inherited
your badness, anu yet if you 60 back
seven or eight generations and exhume
your ancestors, you will find that they
are, IN most cases totally bald.
have tried several preparations in
my lifetime, all of which were good for
badness and assisted it very much.
These remedies for the hairless are
deemed to resemble each other in two
particulars, namely: They were all ex-
pensi7e, and all sickiy. Some smelled
Extensively when first applied, while
others were more successful after awhile.
For several years | dressed very plainly,
Elisha, using the balance of my income
on the site of my former hair.
AS a result of this, my bosom alter
nately hove with anticipation or fell with
disappointment, while my bangs re-
manned unbung and my hat smelled like
a volcanic eruption.
Various people came to me with re-
cipes for wooing the hair out of my
glossy intellectual rink. Among them
there came to me a gentleman from
England named Macrostic, who claimed
to have been royal taXidermist for nine
years, after which he had acted as chi
ropOdist extraordinary for severatyears,
removing unicOrns from the great ald
small. He said that he could grow
waving crop of tresses on my bleak and
barren brow for five pounds.
He now has the five pounds and l still
retain my broad sweep of brow.
| cannot tell how you can empower
your tan sleek forehead in rank. vino
tossed hair, Elisha, but l can tell you
how YOU can save 500.
Take your hair inyigOratOr money and
buy a town lot in a growing town that
supports its home paper and adVertises
and goes ahead, and you will hnd il
twenty years that y0n will be well fixed
and don't care much whether he las any
hair or not.
I've seen men with long, rich, way
hair, which tel III 4 glorious shower OF
dandruff on the collar OF their overcoats. I
who were just as unhappy as you or I, /
Elisha. Hair alone cannot bring happi- !
ness. once know 4 man who was very /
successful, indeed. and was finally made /
postmaster Of his town, and be had /
whiskers that ne had TO button inside /
his coat 10 keep them from brushing |
other peoples eyes out, md he had hair
to sell. and yet when there came a /
change O administration and new pre- I
sident who hadn't an alma mater 70 lay /
his laws TO came along. this harry man |
was almost the first to fall.
4 wealth Of hair IS good thing, but /
the head was not made solely Is q hot /
b d for the propagation of hair. Bald
ness is one of the penalties Of ciV.llza-
ton. Elisha. Ba. barisns areneyer bald.
People who sleep in straw piles and eat
their pastor always have al tie hair
they can manage. Those who go on
bareheaded for generations aud live On
grasshoppers and acorns are never bald
Plug hats, late suppers and earnest
thought are hard on the hsir.
cay this RI comfort YOa Elisha for !