St. Paul daily globe., 1887-10-15

to-day he would proceed to take it all
back. L have come to the conclusion
that president, with $4,000 year and
free hand shakes, is just about the
thing. Let me be president and | am
willing to cOncede to every body else the
privilege of being right. What a time
L would have and what cabinet
could select. For instance, to make my
administration popular, l would inau-
gurate New Deal" and place Van
Order oil the dome of the capitol to
wave the bloody shirt at $1,000 year
and expenses.
| would try and induce "Old Stocking"
to hang up his cracker box and skirmish
the country for the shirts.
AT the head of the department. of
state would place the manly form of
Ed Weaver, who could write gushing
letters to Queen Victoria and at the
same time ''threSh'' the lungs out of
any foreign power that saw fit to give
us lip.
The keys of the treasury would be
placed in the hands OF Capt. Turner.
with instructions not to ScrutaniZe the
expense bills unless he should be very
''Sly" about it.
Jack would be my choice for secre-
tary of war. / would give him full
charge of the guns and furnish him
four or five landlords every morning to
practice on.
Another important position would be
secretary of the .interiOr. This place
would be filled by Charley Baldwin.
He would have full control of all the
cooks and dining room girls.
For attorney general we would have
the dignified and rosy-compleXiOned
GanglehOOf. Charley was cut out for a
judge in the first place, and he made a
mistake when he selected the lot of a
travelling man.
HELM would make a dandy postmaster
general. He could explain our position
i'll manner satisfactory to both fac
tons OF our party and preserve good
feeling all along the line.
MOrrOwitZ, if he could only swim,
would make a capital man for the navy.
but as it is l think | would have to APP
point Fitch.
would want Wormer, the harness
man, for fish commissioner, and would
bounce Sparks and give the office of
land commissioner to Conductor Lou
OBrien. His knowledge of Dakota and
his recent experience in Ashland real
estate thoroughly fits him for this i'm
pOrtant position.
John Lund would appoint minister to
Springfield, Minnesota, let him board at
the best hotel in town, that he might
end his days i'll luxury. Boys what a
time we would have, but SO long as the
rate remains at 212 cents per mile | fear
we will not ''git thar
Phelps, of the MankatO house, is the
cleanest cut hotel man in America, no
matter whether he assigns you a room
on the roof, or in the cellar. he does it
with the grace and dignity of duke.
Whenever You shake with him it makes
you feel like boy with new top, and
you wish it was Christmas so you could
make him present. The other night a
stranger walked in and registered as
Immediately assigned him to room 306,
and when he asked to be shown to his
room, Phelps with a round fifty cent
smile said Just step up stairs with the
boy. MIR. Green, and you will find fifty
or sixty beds in the hall. You can take
your choice. Our rooms are all small
and commonplace so l had these
beds put up for the exclusive
use of strangers, who are accustomed to
better accommodations than the aver
age Western hotel affords. Good night,
MIR. Green; / hope you will rest we'll"
Mr.. Green went up stairs, crawled un-
DER the SheetS and imagined that there
was but little difference in his lot and
that of Jay Gould.
j. L. Knapp, the popular freight agent
OF the Burlington, Cedar Rapids &
Northern, is circulating among the
business men ali along the line. Knapp
looks as good as a Georgia watermelon,
and If he could only play sinch as we'll
as he rustles for freight his success
would be assured.
The people of st. Paul and Minneap-
oils feel as if President Cleveland had
given them the ''shake." Dakota feels
about the same. B. Blunt.