St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1887-12-05
THE QUEERNEss OF THINGS.
Some of the Unaccountable In
constituencies of Human Ex-

Some of the UnaccountabIe In
consistencies of Human Ex-
istence.
Puck.
This is sort of topsy-turyy world.
No one seems to be satisfied. One man
is struggling to get justice and another
is flying from it.
One man is saving up to buy house,
and another is trying to sell his dwell
ng f OIL less than it cost, to get rid of it.
One man is spending all the money he
can earn in taking girl to the theater
and sending her flowers, in the hope
that he may eventually make her his
wife, and his neighbor is spending all
the gold he has saved to get divorce.
Smith is drinking imported ale to put
flesh on, while johnson is living on
crackers and walking ten miles day to
reduce his avOirdupoiS.
The labOrer with ten children keeps
out of debt OH $40 a week, while many
an unmarried bank official with 500
a week can't get along without helping
himself to the banks funds.
Robinson takes sherry to give him an
appetite, while Brown, who has a wine
cellar, can't touch drop of it on ac-
count. of his apOplectic tendencies.
The. doctor tells Morrill, that if lie
doesn't stop work and take rest he
will go into decline, and then tells
Blakely that if he does not abandon his
sedentary position and go off somewhere
and work on farm he will die of
torpidity of the liver.
One man is ordered to eat eggs be-
cause they are nutritious, and another
is cautioned to leave them alone because
they produce bile.
One man keeps a pistol to protect
himself against burglars, while his
neighbor doesn't keep one for fear of
shooting some number of the family by
mistake.
You will sometimes see a man plant
ing trees about his place for the shade;
and. at the same time, you will see an
other cutting down all the trees about
his house because they produce too
much moisture.
One rich man wears poor clothes be-
cause he is rich and can do anything,
while poor man wears fine clothes be-
cause he is poor and wants to create the
impression that he is not.
One man is killed by accident, and an
other tries to commit suicide and fails.
One man escapes all the diseases that
flesh is heir to and is killed on rail
road: another man goes through half
dozen wars without scratch and then
dies of whooping-cough.
The prize-fighter reforms and becomes
a preacher, while the theological student
leaves his university to become a pro-
fessional base ball pitcher.
The man that can make $4,000 year
M
while the man who is thrifty and wise
is seldom so gifted that he can earn
anything at all.
We know wealthy merchant who
keeps half a dozen horses. who recently
stated that his store was closed on ac-
count of a"hOlliday:" and we also know
prOOf-reader who can spell every word
in the English language correctly, and
the only time he experiences any horse
is when he eats horse-radish.
Good people die and bad people live.
The man who is fat with health can't
get employment, and the man who is
making money hand-Over-fSt has to give
up business on account of ill-health.
Linguists are keeping peanut stands,
and monkeys are writing for news
papers. In railroad collision the dane
ing-master generally loses his feet, and
the mathematician his head.
The pugilist breaks his wrist, and the
Opera-singer contracts throat trouble.
The man with colossal fortune is
usually obliged to adopt an heir, while
the man without cent generally has
sufficient number of heirs to satisfy
half dozen capitalists.
One man won't touch bacon for fear
of getting trichiniasis, and another
SwearS by Bacon because some people
think he wrote Shakespeare.