Morning journal and courier., 1887-04-18
ARISTOOR-ATIC, A


 Policemen belong to the arrestocracy.- Merchant Traveller.
 The nihilists are making considerable noise in Russia, but it does not appear that the czar minds the dyn-a -mite.-Boston Transcript.
 True happiness, my son, consists in finding that you have paid three dollars for an arti- cle exactly like that for which your friend had to pay three and quarter the day be- fore.-Boston Transcript.
 A Life-like Picture.-She-"Do you think my picture resembles me?" He-"Indeed it does. It resembles you so much that would have recognized you by it even if had never seen you before in my ife.-Te1as Siftings.
 Czarina Coming in to breakfast)-Good morning, my dearvitch! CZar-Good morn ingsceff Czarina-Allow me to congratu- late you upon escaping assassination during the night. Czar-Thankskia Will you please taste the coffee to see if it is poisoned?- Puck
 For the Third Time of Asking Principal (who has made sure of it this time)-"Did Fylem and Waitabit' seem put out at my sending in the account againa" New Clerk "Oh dear, no, sir. Most perlite they were, sir. Said they 'oped I'd call again, sir!"- Punch.
 "And what have you named the baby?' in-
 
 whom he was calling. "Nothin'," was the answer. ''Ah, family name, presume" murmured the candidate approvingly, as he patted the cheek of the young constituent.- Detroit Free Press.
 'tWhat shall we name baby sisters'' asked a mother of her little four year old daughter. "Call her Early, mamma; that's pretty name." "Early! that is not little girls name." "Oh, yes, it is. Don't you remem- Der you read to me about little girl who was to be the May Queen, and who wanted her mother to call her Early?"-Exchange
 Uncle Enoeh, worthy and very eoononis; cal colored man, came into the village store the other day. "Got any O dat York State cheese, MT. Johnsings" "Yes, Uncle, some that's very nice, just in" "Widoqt any holes in it dis time, MT. Johnsing?" tHoless Why, don't you like it with holesF ''1 likes de cheese, Mir. Johnsing, but" Here Uncle Enoch shook his head reprovingly. ''You done sole me too many poun's O holes in de past, MT. Johnsing" "Holes! What do you meana" "Why, de las poun' O cheese I bought hyar was mon half poun' O 1t holes!"-Youth's Companion.
 An editor, having been sick for a long time, perceived that his latter end was ap- preaching His spiritual adviser comforted him by saying that he, the editor, would soon enter into his eternal rest, where there would be no more worry and trouble. "Are printers allowed in heaven tool" feebly asked the dying man. Certainly, if they have been good'' t'Then," responded the editor feebly, 'I have no hope. My foreman died last year, and as he was good man he must be in heaven. I know I won't be in heaven more than five minutes before I'll hear him say, More copyp don't see how I can make anything by dying" And pulling on his boots and clothes the editor went down to the office and ground out column editorial on s'The Conflict Between Religion and Sci ence," and about four columns of miscella- neous brevities, having previously refreshed himself with cocktail, and thrashed two personal friends who wanted to give him ad- vice how to run his paper.-Texas Slftings.
 A man in St. Augustine, Fla.
 Built house which was almost all ca.
 There nothing so nt.,
 As he thought in the st.,
 But his guests said that nothing was ha.