Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-12-29
A SAINT BY ACCIDENT,
My Painful Adventure on Christ
mas Eve.

mas Eve
suppose Christmas has its bright
side for some people, though l don't
think much of it myself All this
precious nonsense about Santa Claus
makes me sick. The fact is did the
Santa-Claus act last year and didn't
like it. Since then it hurts my feelings
if any one mentions Christmas in my
presence. Though am of sensitive
disposition, l have achieved promi-
hence in my calling. am prepared to
affirm. with becoming modesty. that l
was tirst-class journeyman burglar
when met with painful adventure
on Christmas eve of last year.
had been taking life easy for some
time. merely doing quiet job of
housebreaking now and then to keep
my hand in. So it happened that the
day before Christmas l found my
pocket nearly empty. That discovery
set me to work at once picking peck.
cts belonging to other people whom l
CHANGED to fall in with on the crowded
street-corners. but 1 quickly grew dis
gustcd with the undertaking. Purses
were plenty. but those which l gath
cred in made me none the richer,
except by few stray dimes. The
substantial dollars which l hoped to
find had been invested in woolly dogs,
wooden elephants and rubber dolls, to
be hung on Christmas trees and chewed
up by red-gummed babies The shop
keepers had already helped themselves
to the contents of those purses. and 1
was nowhere. 1t was humiliating to
find that the most richly-dressed lady
on the street was out shopping with
only battered nickel. a crooked hair
pin and crushed caramel in her
purse. actually blushed with shame
when discovered that the silver
mounted pocket-book of a prodigious
swell who Glanced to pass contained
only frayed pawn-ticket and three
coffee grains.
Though dislikcd to devote myself
to professional duties on Christmas
eve. there appeared to be no help for
it. l decided to do a burglary or two
that night. and thus lay by little
nest-egg for the holidays.
Those who have never done any
thing in the burglary line can not fully
realize how much harmless enjoyment
they have missed. There is something
decidedly alluring in the aspect of a
wealthy citizens private establish
ment as it appears when viewed from
the interior at two or three o'clock in
the morning. You feel certain sense
of proprietorship in all that lies around
you as soon as you have crawled
through the area window or let your
self down from the trap-door in the
roof. As You stroll through the hand
some rooms, dark-lantern in hand,
you meet with agreeable little sur
prises in the shape of gold-lined COB
lets, diamond rings. and other de-
sirable objects, which seem to be wait
ing for you to take them in charge.
Gentlemen of the profession are not
given to Boosting. but if they should
overcome their natural modcsty they
might tell stirring tales Of happy mo-
ments spent under the hospitable roofs
of the most distinguished families of
the land. Not few Of them are fond
of art bric-a-brac. A friend of mine,
for instance. has made with some pains
a collection of massive punch-bowls
which formerly belonged to noted
statesmen and financiers. As he
shrinks from notoriety. l shall not
mention his name.
On the night of which have been
speaking l removed pane of glass
from the kitchen window of mansion
on a fashionable avenue. Then l
scrambled through the opening with
out taking the trouble to send up my
card. There in the darkness adjusted
my mask and lighted my lantern; then
l started to make tour of the prem
ises. l was not long in finding a
qus2tity of things which 1 desired to
possess. l Immediately began gather.
ing them up preparatory to carrying
them away.
While was standing on tiptoe in
order t, reach the top shelf of the
china cioset something remarkable
happened. Somebody behind me
spoke. !. was man. He said:
George. here's Santa Claus now"
Iturne.l about and reached for nv
revolver. The next instant the ugly
brown nluz.Ie Of shotgun was poked