San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1887-02-04
MUNICIPAL PETITIONS.
A Comedy Now Played in the San Anto-
MO Elections.
BY r. 1. NoYoU.
ACT. I.

Jimmie Schyster keeps saloon in the
city, or rather the saloon keeps him.
Recently he got "bee in his bonnet"
and the "bee" told him that he ought to
occupy public position. Around his
saloon are many who are ready 10 drink
at his OF any one else's expense, They
come high some times. but saloons must
have them. Among this crowd was a
appointment citizen" named A. Dead
beat. Jimmie calls Deadbeat mp to the
counter, and after setting 'em up liber-
ally hints that he thought that he ought
to be magyar, alderman, dOg-catcher aud
sonnet hing else thar was Il public office.
Deadbeat agrees, and the more he drinks
the more enthusiastic he becomes in
Schyster's interest. Schyster is graft
fed at Deadbeat's wisdom, more drinks
follow, ana then slipping II V into his
hand and pledging unlimited quantity
of free beer. hints, that as petitions were
fashionable, Deadbeat hal better go and
get up that petition. DeadDeat meanders
out OF the saloon on his errand, and
Scbyster rubs his hand. smiles glad
some smile and takes drink out of
private bottle.
Deadbeat goes to work and for Az
glasses OF beer secures several signatures
In 40 minutes cost So, profit So. Beer
drinking petitiOnists whOOp up the can
didates expecting more beer, hut 1t
doesn't come, and then that register
solemn vow to vote for the other fellow.
Deadbeat goes round to 9, If any other
aspirants want petitions on the same
terms.
AT night Dead. beat returns to Schy-
ster little unsteady, and uDrolls and
reads the following petition:
10 the Hon. j. Schyster.
We, the undersigned citizens Of an
other ward, who don't pay taxes, know
ing you want TO ill any position you can
eaten on TO request thar YOU will let us
use your name and your money especial
Iy the latter, in the coming election and
we pledge ourselves to support you as
long as the money lasts, and nobody else
goes you one better In the race.
A. Deadbeat, A. LOafer,
Jas. CrOweater, l. OdifOrm,
Letme Alone, b. |. q. Humbugge,
A. Bumm, j. Ballohtfickser,
u. Rascal, Jim O'Heli,
T.. Backslider, NJ. Vote Schwapper,
A. Trampe, Toe Damn,
b. Snide, + FreielunChenstein,
U. n. o. Goode, Com. All Gin,
Ii. b. Scallawag, G. U. Later,
} No. Leareye, Elm Lager.
Schyster smiles intriumph, sets 'em up
until Deadbeat has an alcoholic fit
which paralyzes him. They lay him
gently on the table where he sleeps I'M
til morning.
Next morning the Daily Slide has the
following card:
To Messrs. Deadbeat Croweater, Scailawag,
Bumm, Trampe, ETC.:
| am flattered by the unsolicited call
which gentlemen of your standing make
upon me, and while [ would
prefer TO remain in private
life, | feel l should be derelict
in my duty as citizen If l did not ac-
cept 1t. have no policy OF my own,
but | can afford to buy one, and have u
whole lot of axes that want grinding.
You may rely on me to serve you well,
and you can say anything you please for
me, for | want votes, not principles.
The bar is open to you until after cleo
tiOn day, and free beer 4, es. but when
get there | don't intend to know you
fellows, and, like the rest, shall do as
darned please.
Thanking you for the honor you con-
fer upon me, Yours respectfully,
JAMES SCHYSTER.
ACT v.
Friends of the Hon. James Schyster
are enthusiastic over his reply. They
are drinking his beer literally and work
ing hard for his opponent, but it all goes
at election times.