The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1887-02-03
THE BATTLE OF Lexington.
The Alliance Saloon Keepers Rebellion
Superseded
by an Amazonian War in the subuI bs. The
Contendlng Forces of Hannah and
Nancy Mop the Ground
with zach Oher.


month OF the year, and during the reign
of Lorenzo, the patriarch, whose dOmin-
ion is.LexiDgtOn, and the region round
bout, that divers troubles arose be-
tween the tribe of Nancy and war like
tribe of Philistines, rslled the Weaver
ties, who were dwellers in that land
And 1t came to pass that Nancy arose
andsaid, behold Ia IL not the 9th hour of
he day, and does not my son who
delVeth in the bowels Of the earth for
black diamonds, for Tom Lowe, require
his hash about this hOur2 So
1he girdeth up her lOlns, and
lOsdeth up basket with hot pies, knives
and other deadly weapons and went
forth. And as she jOurneyed on, behold
she came to the camp Of Hannah the
WeaVerite where likewise dWelleth her
TWO cOncubines, Rosa and Gerty. And
es she drew near she looked and behold
Hsnnah's bars were down, and her
Il dJcks and herds were about going forth
TO seek pastures new. Then Nancy
waxed wTOth, and opened her mouth and
1pake to the brindle heifer, saying: go
to nOwI Wouldst thou go forth and
array thyself against my haystackp Not
much Hsnnah Annp ThereupOn she
tretched forth her hand and closed the
bars and journeyed on.
And 1t came to pass that Rosa, one of
The daughters of Hannah the WeaVerite,
vas In the castle churning something
and lifted up her eyes and beheld the
iOings of Nancy, and she spRke saying:
Verify, verify, is not old Nance threaten
ing our camp and turning our COW
into by and forbidden paths. Behold
will rush forth and fall upon her, and
put her to flight, that she may know
that am running them barsI And 1t
was so.
Moreover 1t came to pass that Hannah
the Weaverite lifted up her eyes and
Oeheld the battle from sfar. She waxed
iot, and rushed forth and fell upon
y Incy, and beat her, and crammed heI
own into the mud, three times. "likp
,syou would KID" And rlie, likewls
laughter of Hannah lhs Weav3rlte,
ought to knock the stuffin out OF her
With rail and they did call her vie
lames and smashed the pie, and no ODe
vas near to help Nancy or to hold W
her hands and victory seemed to perch
on the banner of the Philistines. Thsu
Nancy stretched forth her hand and
Irasped a case knife from out her diu.
lpr basket, and slsshed Hannah the
WeaVerite over the right eye and made
- II she would carve her bias.
And 1t came to pass that at this hnuT
of the day the wise men and mobiles of
the city were assembled In one room at
the house of one Samuel, the TAYLOR, ,and
we're doing much honor to King L1renzJ
and his peaceful reign for 10 these
many years.
But 1t came to pass that the wife of
Samuel, the Taylor, who ls a sOothsayer,
lifted up her eyes and nose and smelled
the battle, from afaR the laundering Of
the captains and the sh0utings, and
opened her mouth and spake, saying
"GO tOl for is there not, even now, war
going OH in King LorenzO's domiRionsp'
And they all ran out and beheld that 1t
was so.
And 1t came to pass that one Holm, a
mighty man Of war and valiant, lodged
behind cycamOre tree-"tO get his
BREATH" but finally he rushtd into the
thiCkest Of the fray, and with an up
lifted co fish, swOre that If Ha lnah
didn't hold, up that he'd "cut the liniD
out Of her." and told her that
her house was Ill shaped and that her
daughters we're In still worse shape,
and many other valiant things did he
do.
And 1t came to pass that when Han
nah, the WeaVerite, heard these things
she arose and heaVed q boulder at him,
which would have knocked him silly II
II hadn't been that the COW which stood
between them was very tall.
Now 1t came to pass that when Madi-
isOn, the first chief ruler of the realm Of
Lexington, to whom King Lorenzo pays
tribute, heard of all that had been done,
he sent his chief eunuch and trusted
man of war, whose surname 10 Coffee,
with band OF soldiers to Quell the riot
and bring Hannah, the WeaVerlte, and
her two hand-maidens before him.
And 1t came to pass that when Madl-
son, Chief ruler, had heard all that the
Philistines and their wise men had to
say, he smote his breast and spake,
saying, 80, have heard enough,
and too much and will send
Hannah and her two hand maidels to
Canton If they fail to give bond for fifty
pieces of silVei whereupon Hannah the
Weaverlte and her maidens waxed ex-
ceeding wr0th and acknowledged that
they all did l. +, aud paid tribute to Madi-
son. the chief ruler, In the sum Of seven.
teen pieces of silver
And all the rest of the acts of Hannah
the Weaverite and her hand.matdeDs,
behold are they not written In the books
OF Oliver OF the tribe Of COxenp
a SIBERIAN EXILE