Arizona weekly enterprise., 1887-07-09
ARIZONA WEEKLY ENTERPRISE.
FLORENCE. JUL
LIMEKtLN CLUB.
A Dastardly Deed WhicR Led Brother
 Gardiner to Deliver 9 Sound Lecture.

| The thirteenth dastardly attempt to destroy Paradise Hall was revealed at five o'clock Saturday evening when the 1 janitOr arrived to place the hall in order for the usual meeting. Ever since the attempt of last October bear-traps and spring-guns have been set at every door and window when the hall was closed, and this fact was generally Known to the public. The human hyena who had resolved in his own base mind to destroy the headquarters of the club procured a ladder, mounted to the roof, and then cut q hole and descended alongside of q chimney. In this way he thought to escape all dangers pre- pared for him, aud he no doubt chuckled with fiendish glee as he dropped down into the library His first move was to demolish the bust of Cicero. This was one of the first busts donated to the clnb, and has represented Horace Greeley, Napoleon Bonaparte, Franklin Pierce, George Washington and several other distinguished men by turns. Thevillain seized crowbar standing in a corner of the library and demolished the bust at one awful sweep. He then started for t+se club safe, doubtless intending to dsive the crowbat through and through it, and then vengeance overlook him. As he stepped into the passage behind | the secretary's desk q bear-trap awaited his coming with yawning jaws and clashing teeth. What occurred is par tially matter of guesswork. The trap was found sprung and in its jaws was a bloody boot. Bloody tracks led from 1 thence to the ante-room, and there the dastard had raised window and leaped down on the roof of the grocery and es- capped to the ground. The occurrence probably took place Friday night, as the 1 policeman on the beat remembers of hearing a loud, long shriek about eleven o'clock. It sounded to him like the voice of a, strong man about to.give up the fight for his life, and though he in l vestigated the neighborhood he was I made no wiser How the villain suf- fered-hqw he wrung his hands and vowed to live a better life hereafter how the sweat of agony stood on his forehead and his eyes grew fiercely wild--ean be imagined by any one who has visited the'scene.
 It is supposed that he had ''pal" in the alley, and that this man finally came to his relief and pried the trap open far enough to permit the foot to be pulled out of the boot. As soon as the meeting was called to order the ianitor reported the case, accompanied by a war map, and Brother Gardner arose and said:
 My frens,. dis incident furnishes me wid an opportunity to address you on de subjick of Goodness vs. Badness. If, when baby was three days ole, he could reason an calkilate, he would reason as follows: 'Heah ar, sound, healthy boy, wid a big show of growth up to manhood. De more kick an | yell an misbehave doorin' my infancy de mo spankin's I'll receive. De better I mind an de gooder I ar as q boy de easier will 1 slip along As a young man I shall be upright an honest. As a middle-aged man I shall act on de squar'. As an ole man I shall quit chawin' plug tobacker, read up on de Bible an go to bed airly.'
 .'Wickedness doan' pay, figger it up as you will. We hey had many in- stances of it in dis club, an we ar sur rounded wid 'em at home. When Whalebone Howker stole a wheelbarrer belongin' to Pickles Smith he at fust re- joiced an was glad. He felt dat he was two dollars ahead of de game, and he poked hisself in de ribs fur smart man. Howsumeber he hadn't had dat stolen vehickle in his posseshun two hours when his game rooster died, de dog-catcher picked up his dog, an a man who owed him four dollars went into bankruptcy. He could fgger dat he was eight dollars out of pocket, an den Pickles foun' out who stole his wheelbarrer an cum ober an licked Whalebone widin an inch of his life besides.
 "Take de case of Bermuda Jones, who libs nex' doah to Condensed Gun ningham. Bermuda sot down wid a piece of chalk an fingered up dat wick edness paid two hundred per cent, an he went ober to de grocery; backed up agin cracker bar'l. an while he in- gaiged de grocer in religus discushion wid one hand, he filled his hind pocket wid crackers wid de odder He started out of dat grocery feeling dat he was seben cents ahead an still gain in, but what was de result? A small boy, who was in dar to buy cent s worf of taffy, seed de hull performance an told de grocer. Bermuda was fol lered home, knocked down in the kitchen an made to give up de fo' cane seat cheers in his parlor to settle de case. Did he profit by his badnessf Did he make any two hundred per cent. } on dat?
 "Agin, take de case of Kurnel Leffing- well Kabar. I had six Leghorn hens in ? my coop, an he coveted 'em. Instead of comin' to me in frank, honest way : an offerin' to buy dose hens at deil value an gibin' me his note due ir thirty days, he steals upon my coop ir