The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1887-04-23
Artistic Gems.

1t has been discovered that the
great majority of wives who poison
off their husbands use strychnine and
put 1t into mince pie.
From the manner in which Bis
mark continues to declare that he
doesn't want war it is probable that
he is waiting for the other Teller to
drop his guard.
1t is only 113 years since the first
hOuse-rat was seen in America. He
came from Persia. liked the country,
and decided to remain here and grow
up with the people.
The French crown jewels are to be
put up at auction next month, and so
far as can be learned the number of
American hotel clerks who will at
tend the sale is abont 1900.
"Imported sherry" retailing for So
per bottle is made in New York at a
cost of sixty-cents per quart. The
man who wants what he pays for
will drink buttermiIk.
The postmaster at Buffalo is an I'M
dertaker by profession, and is said to
be the only one in the country who
ever got postoffice. Most under
takers prefer to deal with dead issues.
A clerk at Fort Scott, Kas., was
chased clear across the State for en-
bezzling the sum of sixteen cents.
His employers wanted to strike ter
ror to the hearts of other employees.
The President of the Iowa Univer-
sity has resigned fat position on &C.
count of age. This is the first time
we have ever heard of man letting
60 of $500 per year because Of his
age.
A Western philosopher says there
Is more real hard work in being lazy
than there is in working six days in
a week. The reason he is lazy is be-
cause he doesn't want to shirk hard
work.
Under the laws of New Jersey, and
it is being strictly enforced, too, any
one who guesses on the weight of a
hog and pays for that privilege, can
be indicted the same as if he ran a
lottery.
Philadelphia has received a num-
my which was laid away in the tombs
OF Egypt. 1,400 years before the adj
vent of Christ. There can be no
question about it being old enough
to be good mummy.
The French scientists are seeking
to discover some way in which the
coming of an earthquake can be for
told. IF they find it the Signal Bu-
reaus will hoist flag indicating:
"Danger-climb a tree"
A North Carolina mail carrier who
was stopped by highway robbers
argued with them until they gave up
their purpose. and then had them ar
rested. That's a bad mans reward
for trying to reform.
The editor of the Interpreter, at
White Oak, N. M, is presenting
every child born in the town with
silver dollar. He thinks the way to
build up subscription list is to start
with the babies.
The conyicts at Sing Sing have
been idle for several months past,
and they are now crying more loudly
for work than laboring men ever did.
Idleness has demoralized them and
brought out dozen new vices.
1t is agreed among all the doctors
who have studied the Indian that
Nature made him so he couldn't catch
cold. This allows him the privilege
of running out nights in all sorts of
weather and enjoying cold feet.
Senator Fair, of Nevada, has said
less in Congress than any other man
ever elected. He has made but one
speech in six years, and that consist
ed of: "Mr. President, l move we
adjourn" And the Senate adjourned.
Capt. Boyton, the swimmer, pro-
ceeded 100 miles to sea in pilot boat
last week, and was to 60 overheard
and swim ashore. When time was
called he backed out, having come to
the conclusion there was no money
in ~.
Treasury clerks who count the
trade dollars have to wear buckskin
gloves or get sore fingers, Any sore
spot on the finger is soon poisoned
by contact with the metal. People
who sigh to count money should bear
this in mind.
A girl named Josie Pumpkinhead,
of New York State, lived to be Is
years ofage before she became asham-
ed of her name and hung herself in
the barn. 1t, perhaps, didn't strike
her that she could change it by get
ting married.
Hannah Bannah Battersby,.- the