The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-10-27

First Omaha Burglar-Say, Bill here's
a eminent citizen advertisin' for a faithful
watch; dog. --isa4@<. DO a-
Second Burglar-WeI, + hate to part
with my dog again, but I'LL have to. >.
"WeH, I'll take him ground and sell
him to him. Y'r sure he's faithful, are
YET" 5.t,+.< ,Ati,:< y i t% r.a..
every time. He'll be. faithful to us
every time we wan to climb in the win
dows."-Omaha World. .
"Then I am not to call on you; any
more" he said, as he twirled his hat in
his hand.
That is what I intended to say she
replied, coolly. H. 49,
"And our engagement is all over ?"
"Well," she said, with some asperity,
"if you've gone and talked about it to
everybody, I suppose it is. I'm sure, 1
haven't"said anything about it. If it is
all over, it's your own fault" Washing-
ton Critic =: t.'.:st. -.
Intending Emigrant-"Did you ever
see a ~cyclone?"% !.
Man from Dakota-"O Only one, but it
was a regular old-timer with all modern
improvements" g. .s 20: E*@ Z
did it strike your house %
Il should say it didr'>s
Ruined you, of course; swept every
thing away?' 3.ss
"No, sir; didn't take a thing. The
sheriff had been there that very morn
ing, and he did the sweeping. You never
saw a cyclone so disappointed in your
ifel'-Harper's Bazaar.
A man with a package of Prices bak-
ing powder in his hand rang the bell at
the door Of the Peterby mansion in a
Texas town.
I've got something that every good
h~ousekeeper ought to have" he said.
What is it? asked Mrs. Peterby.
1T is a new kind of baking powder"
None for me, if you please. I slipped
up on some baking powder not long ago.
1t. was Of no account in the world"
"Is that so2 Is it possible hat I have
been here before?"
"Tompkinson," said a somewhat rapid
travelling man to a friend, whose tastes
and habits were much like his own, "Im
very much worried"
81 wouldn't cultivate it, nay dear fell
low. But what's the trouble?
"Debts. I'm overwhelmed with them.
I can't turn a corner without running
into a creditor. There's the batter, and
the tailor, and the gents furnisher, and
the florist, and the liveryman-in fact [
don't see but one way out the difficulty
"What is that?"
GIVE a good notion to commit suicide"
"And add the undertaken to the list!
Ny dear fellow, at least be reasonable"
Merchant Traveller.
A man came to the house of a promi-
nen New York gentleman, who was re-
nowned for not paying his debts, and
knocking at the door, asked the boy who
appeared if his father was in.
"No, sir, he has left town to be gone a
month. He is in Chicago right now"
II am sorry, for I wanted to pay a lit
tie bill I was owing him."
20, you want to pay him money, do
your"
ayes, certainly. Here it is"
"Well, then, I'll run in and ask him if
he hasn't got back"
The man had got back from Chicago,
but the visitor, who was a deputy sheriff,
served AGITATION on him for house rent.
-zsros Sijdtings.
"Well-er," said the youth, rising, II
-er-guess I'd better go. It's 10 o'clock"
ooh, you need not hurry unless you
want to-" said the young lady.
"But-er-your father may object to
my staying any longer" r%ejoined the
youth. "Ihave-er-read so much about
stern fathers coming downstairs and-er
forcibly ejecting from their houses young
men who stayed rather late in company
with their daughters, that-er-l am
rather afraid to remain longer"
"Oh!" exclaimed the beautiful maiden,
with a laugh, "you incident be afraid.
There are seven girls of US still unmarried,
and pa would rather invite you to a late
lunch than do anything to render your
visit unpleasant. He always keeps him.
self carefully out Of the way when young
men call at the house."
"And you-aw-say that cannot be
mine," said Mr.. F~itzpoodle, as he with
drew the knob of his cane from his mouth
and examined it a%ttentiyely to see
whether he had removed any Of the var
nish in his efforts to amuse himself.
"No, I can never be yours" the fair
maiden answered. "You suit very well
for an ornamental appendage at parties,
hops and so forth, but [ am afraid you
would not wear we'll as a husband"
"Yet-aw-I have heard you say that
I possessed one admirable quality"
"Yes, you nave one admirable quality.
You are c~onsiderate to your enemy"
~"Considerate to my enemy?
eyes, you never put an enemy IN your