davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
The Old Story.

Kansas City, Mo-. November 22.-James
p. Spite Kansas stockman, who ar
rived in the city this morning over the
Missouri Pacific railroad, having been on
business trip to the east, was victimized
by three smooth strangers, who worked the
time.worn freight-bill game. Mr.. Spit
fields account of the swindle, barring point
of age, is interesting. The only papers
that passed between the victim and the
sharpers were Sll0 in bright, crisp green
backs and a check fully as old as the
swindle itself 1t reads:
Dubuque, To-, June 16, IS77.-The First
National Bank pay TO Frank Knox or
bearer $1,000. SKIP & BOAR.
When the train reached Independence
two shrewd looking strangers entered the
car in which Spit6eld was seated, and,
taking possession of adjoining seats, start
ed in a warm political discussion. One ar
gued as if his ancestors bad worn the gray
OF secession while the other did oratorical
battle from the true blue standpoint. Grad
ually Spitfeld bee ,me interested in the
abe arguments, and, being a thoroughly
good democrat, could not help giving
Blaine little slap, when the strang rs
asked his opinion on the chances of the
Maine statesman ever occupying the White
House. The southerner at once exhibited
great delight at the good sense displayed by
Mr.. Spit6eld and the correctness of his po-
litical judgment The Republican got very
angry and went to the other end of the car
to smother his cholor In a newspaper. The
democratic stranger and Mr.. Spitfeld be-
came warm friends, and before
the city was reached each
knew all about the business
of the other. When the train arrived at
the union depot the Democrat and Mr..
Spitfeld entered the waiting-room togeth-
er, the Republican alighting by himself,
still angry When they Rad entered the
waiting room a misunderstanding stranger
stepped up to Spit6eld's fri. nd and said
"I'll collect that freight bill right now.
Pm going a short di,tance from the city on
the outgoing train and want to use the
Spit6eld's Democratic friend said "Cer-
tainly, take the amount out of that" at the
same time handing over the spurious
check, but The freight collector could not
change the $1,000. Spitield's travelling
did not have Sll0, the amount
Of the freight bill, and finally
Mr.. Spitfeld was appealed to.
With true Kansas generosity, Mr. Spitfeld
accepted the proposition to pay the Sill 0
and hold the check, dated decade past
The stranger made arrangements before he
finally disappeared to meet Mr.. Spitfed at
the First National bank OF Kansas CITY,
The gentleman waited at the bank an hour
Dr. two, and, growing impatient, showed
he check to one of the clerks, who eI-
planned the swindle at once. The victira
.ook the matter philosophically, and said
ne had been rightly served. said be, in
ceiling the story, 81 am cd enough and
nave read and travelled enough to know
better.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
Cur1Osities of Low.
Omaha World.

Omaha World.
Judge-Stand up.
Prisoner-I claim the right under
the law to remain seated, y'r honor.
'How SOP"
''The law says no man can be made
to criminate himself, and if l stand
up I'll criminate myself"
"That point IS well taken, and you
may remain seated. You are accused
of stealing a pair of breeches from
this man, but l can find no evidence
against you"
"Nene at all, y'r honor"
"You are discharged"
"Thank you y'r honor"
"By the way, why were you I'm.
willing to stand up?"
"IfI stood up the man would see /
had his breeches on, y'r honor"
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
Little misunderstanding.

London Society.
A housemaid, after being a short
time in her place, gave warning Hel
mistress asked what she had to find
fault with-was the work too hard,
or what? No; she had nothing to
complain of on that score, but she
could not stand being prayed at by the
master at morning prayers.
Mistress Qoquitur)-What on earth
do you mean Mary? Your master
does not pray at any one.
o, yes he does marin, he prays at
me every day, and / wont stand it
any longer.
What does he say then?
Why he says, 80 Lord, who latest
nothing but the housemaid"
Mistress, after a little reflection and
furthur inquiry, ascertains that Mary
has thus interpreted 80 Lord, who
latest nothing Thou hast made"
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
Lord Salisbury's Address.

London, Nov. 23.-Lord Salisbury, pre-
mier of the British government is expected
to give some general indication as to the
policy to be pursued by the cabinet COL
leagues at the address which he will ae-
liver tonight at Oxfsrd. Whatever course
the ministry may resolve to submit TO
parliament upon its reassembling next
February with regard TO the future govern
ment of Ireland, it is acknowledged on all
sides that the probable demise of the Ger
man Emperor before parliament will be
convened, the hopeless, if not dying con-
dition of the Crown Princes, William, and
the serious state of health of the Crown
Princes own son William will precipitate
questions of still graver moment upon the
British cabinet than the further develop
ment OF the governments coercive policy
i'll Ireland. 1t has only been within the
past few days that the condition of
prince, William, has been generally dis
closed, his fathers fatal malady, and the
grandfather, the emperor, diyerting public
attention from his own case. 1t is now no
longer concealed that the crown princes
son is suffering in a severe degree from the
same peculiar disease which carried of The
late King of Prussia, after rendering
Hill COIuplcttly luSduc uuTlQR the
last few years of his reign. The technical
name of The disease from which the young
prince is suffering is "otetis media" and
the only known remedy consists of a never
ending succession of Assesses in that part
of the ear situated between the tympaaum
and the base of the brain. The queen Is
greatly alarmed and affected at the con-
dition of the Imperial family, the direct
male line of which threatens to become
extinct within perhaps the next two or
three years, if not sooner. In the event of
the death of the Emperor. of his son the
Crown Prince, and of the Crown Princes
son William, the son of young Prince
William himself, who is only four years OF
age, would be next in succession and the
question of regency under Queen Vic
toria's eldest daughter would arise within
the German Empire. These events appear
to be so imminent that Lord Salisbury is
expected to refer to them tonight, as they
already oyershadow the subjects originally
considered likely to occupy the attention
Of the country if The queen convoked par
lament in the ordinary way.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29

The arrest and conviction of Shack.
elford yesterday for beating his wife
gives rise to various propositions look.
ing to the remedy of this growing
evil. On all sides is heard denuDcia.
ton of this beastly practice. and it has
been demonstrated that fine and i'm.
prisonment will not cure it. Men
have been found guilty of striking
their wives, convicted, fined and i'm
prisoned, and have gone from the
shadow of the Jail to repeat the abuse.
This kind of punishment has proven
inadequate to meet the exigencies of
the case, and some other must be
brought into use.
In Delaware, the law applicable to
this class of crime has proven of ines
timable benefit to the community. 1t
provides for the whipping post, and
the laying on the bare back of the de-
testable culprit as many lashes as the
enormity of the case warrants. Other
crimes are punished in this way, but
by common usage it has been ap-
piled to wife heaters (and husband
beaters, too, for the matter of that
only. 1t has done much to lessen
offenses of this kind, and the adop.
ton here of such law would have a
beneficial effect upon just such men
as Shackelford, whose wife is abed,
unable to rise on account of her inju.
ries, while her brutal husband lies in
dolently in the county Jail, an expense
to the county.
Establish the whipping post and
apply the lash.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
Water all Right.

Bobby and his mother were taking
luncheon with Mrs. Hobson. Bobby
was on his good behavior and was do
ing well. "Mrs. Hobson," he said iu
a very polite manner for so little a
bov, "you've had some trouble in
your house with water haven't your"
"No, Bobby" was Mrs. Hobson's re-
ply, "What causes you to think that?"
81 heard pa say something about Mr..
Hobson's tank getting too full the
other night. Texas Sift:ngs.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
Just the Same.

Detroit Free Press.
1t was on one of the ferry boats the
other day. An old man, who seemed
to have some trouble with his foot,
pulled off his shoes in the presence of
two score of passengers, rubbed his
heel for a moment as he looked around,
and then hobbling over to q motherly
locking woman he asked:
"Ma'am, will you oblige me with
the loan of pair of pincers for few
seconds ?"
''Pincers," she gasped.
eyes, l want 'em to pull peg out
of my shoe. If you have a tack-ham-
mer, perhaps l can drive the Internal
thing in"
"Why my soul ! but I haven't any
thing of the sort"
Haven't you? Well, it's all right
and you needn't feel bad about it.
We are all careless critters, and [
often come away from the house and
forget my MILESTONE, wagon:jack or
gimlet. No excuse ma'am-it's ali
right"
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
ODD TURKISH STORIES.
q Great Nation Ruled by the superstisious
Fancies of Itr Oficials.

Fancies of Itr Oficials.
Some curious stories of Turkish super.
stition are related by the anonymous
author of "Stambul und der Moderne
Turkenthum," the most light-giving of
recent works on the internal condition
of the Turkish empire. The mysteri-
Gus caprice with which distinguished
arrivals at Constantinople are treated
by the Sultan and his Ministers is ex-
planned by an anecdote of the we'll
known astronomer Peters when he
visited Constantinople in 1850 with
letters of introduction from Humboldt
and other eminent men of science. He
found it impossible to proceed with the
mission with which he was charged,
because on the some day that he was
presented to the Grand Vizier, Reshid
Pasha, by the German Ambassador the
man-of-war Nustretie was blown up in
the arsenal. This Frankish astrono-
mer," the Grand Vizier is reported to
have said, "either knew that the ex-
plosion was going to take place or did
not know. In the former event he is
mischievous person for not warning US;
in the latter he is an impost6r." And
forthwith the word was passed that
Peters was not to be encouraged or
assisted. Some times visitor uncon-
sciously carries his condemnation in
his name. In the reign of Abdul Asis
no one was more persistently snubbed
at court than DIR. Muhlig, physician to
the German Embassy; and all because
the Turks pronounced his name
"Muchlik," which in Arabic means
murderer. "Diplomatists would be well
advised if, before they approach the
Sublime Porte on any public question,
they considered these weaknesses of
the Moslem mind. 1t would be espe-
cially useful if they consulted diligently
the almanac of the court astrologer.
An examination of the history of Sir
Henry Drummond VOLTS recent mis-
sion in the light of that work might be-
full of interest. Much that is yet in
applicable in the negotiations might be
accounted for if it were found that the
proverbial i'll luck of Sundays, Tues
days and Saturdays had not been duly
considered, or that proper attention
was not paid to the seven evil days in
every lunar month or to the unlucky
character of the month of Safer, the
second month in the Arabic calendar.
No Turk would be bold enough to enter
a new house or undertake journey on
those unpropitious days, when the
sheytans or devils are abroad, much
less consider seriously a question of
politics. 1t goes without saying that
the average Turk thoroughly indorses
the pathological eccentricities Of
the Peculiar People and the cosmio
heresies of Mr.. John Hampden. In
severe cases of sickness the services Of
the hakin are dispensed with and the
prayers of the sheik or holy man are
requisitioned. AS for the globular
shape of the earth and its alleged revo-
buttons, the intelligent Mohammedan
laughs such follies to scorn. The dis
appearance of the sun at night is ac-
counted for by the periodical retire
ment of that pious luminary for prayer
and religious reflection.-St James
Gazette.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29

1t has been discovered in St. Louis,
that the alarming increase of fires at
that point was due to incendiaries and
three men have been arrested for the
crime. Any man who is guilty of in
cendiarism should be put behind
prison bars as speedily as the laws de-
lays will permit, and lest he should be
tempted to again repeat his crime, he
should be kept there during his nat
ural life.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29

If the food is not properly digested il
becomes corrupt, and poisons the system il
is intended to nourish. This is indiges-
ton.
my wife has suffered for many years
with indigestion. After trying everything
else recommended, che tried Simmons
Liver Regulator. In three days after tax
ing it according to directions she was in
perfect healty; she does not suffer at all
and can eat anything she wants without
any of her previous symptoms"
w. C. SuBERs, cambridge, Ga.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
Detroit Free Press

Detroit Free Press
Countryman to hotel clerk Do
you burn gas in this establishment?
Clerk-Yes sir.
Don't burn no oil at all ? because
if you do | want to find place whar
they DONE burn nuthin' but gas"
Sour rooms are all lighted with
gas sir"
"All right, I'm your huckleberry.
| wouldn't give er darn ter stay at a
hotel whar l couldn't blow out the
gas"
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
1t Is Indeed.

The students of Williams college
who hazed young Choate have been
suspended till Easter as punishment
for the offense. In the meantime the
life of their victim is still in danger,
and if he lives he may never recover
his mind. 1t is a case which should
receive the attention of the civil au-
thorities.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
Naming the Baby.

Boston Post.
Friend-As your first baby is a
boy | suppose you have the privilege
of naming it.
Young father-Yes-sir-ee. |
wouldn't allow any one else to name
that cherub.
"Have you thought of good name
for him yet?'
dozens of 'em /; splendid names {;
just the thing; but they won't any of
'em do
"Why not ?"
"My wife won't have 'em."
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
Too Expensive an Accident.
TEXAS Siftings-

TeTss Siftings-
Nose Schaumburg and Mrs. S.
went to the Austin Opera house.
They got seats in the gallery. just
before the performance began Mrs, S.
recognized a friend in the orchestra
and leaned over the railing. Nose
seized her by the arm and pulled her
back, exclaiming in an agonized tone
of voice wat for you want to fall
down in dot orgestra, Repecca,
we're it cost a tollar and half uf a
seat"
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
Settling With,the Piper.

New York Sun.
Book keeper Ito ex.Boss Pulitzer
In what shape do you want that $685.
600 Nicoll matter putt
Junk Pulitzer-Sharge it oop to dot
profid und loss aggound.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29

1t seems now to be generally con-
coded that Postmaster General Villas
will become the successor of Lamar.
In this case the labor organs will set
up howell which will reach from
Maine to California, as it is well
known that Villas stands in with the
corporations.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29

The BAzoo advocated the whipping
post for wife beaters it should also
have advocated it for child heaters,
in the case of a wretch who has Just
beaten his little step son to death in
Chicago. 1t believes that the only
adequate punishment would be to burn
him at the stake.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
My First Cent.

myron w &. Reed.
The first cent / ever owned had
Resistance to Tyrants is Obedience
to God" and head of liberty On it
1t was minted little over hundred
years ago. l think / will still keep
it. 1t is a New England cent.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
Wives: Mothers Daughters {:

BE YOUR OWN PHYSICIAN A
lady who for years suffered from distress
ing female complaints, weaknesses, ETC., so
common to her sex, and had despaired of
a cure, finally found remedies which
completely cured her. Any sufferer can use
them and thus cure herself, without the
aid OF physician. Too recipes, treatise
and full directions FREE, Sealed. Address
Mrs. w. &. HOLMES, 658 Broadway,
n. Y. Name this paper.)
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29

Henry George'is said to have red
whiskers. Everybody knows there is
a red streak in Georges blood, but if it
had been merely allowed to develop
in his whiskers, there would have
been more contented laboring people
In this country.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29

1t is satisfaction to know that the
case of Johann Most, the anarchist,
the work of getting a jury was almost
without success, owing tie the fact that
nearly all the men, called expressed
most decided predjudices against an
archy.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
Advice to Mothers.

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup should
always be used for children teethine. It
sooths the child, softens the gums, sllays
all pains, cures wind collie, and is the best
remedy for diarrhoes. Twenty-Five cents a
bottle. 7-3leod&Nly.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
For the Reason Mentioned

FOR the Reason Mentioned,
Kansas City Star,
The Sedalia BAzoo announces that
it is the only paper between Jefferson
City and Kansas City which is run
without the aid of "boodle, slush or
blackmail." The BAzoo evidently
holds in small estimation its contem-
poraries.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
No Empty Bottles i'm His.

"Robert, dear, how do you suppose
these dozen of empty bottles ever got
into your cellar 7" "Why, I don't
know, my dear. / never bought an
empty bottle in my life"
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
A GhOstly Pun.

New Orleans Picayune,
An Iowa physician reports to the
board of health the death of y child
from "colery and phantom" The
child did not have the ghost of a
chance to live. The last bad spell was
enough to kill ii.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
Santa Fe, Sedalia-Turkey.
Santa Fe, Warrensburg-Goose
One WAY tn Make None

One Way to Make Money.
brakes Travellers Magazine
A Long Island man ate seventy.
five CLAIMS at one sitting and won 500
by the feat. After defraying his fu-
neral expenses there was 500 left.
Twenty dollars day, clear profit, is
pretty good wages, and if the Long
Island man had continued in the
business ten years he might have
been able to buy a couple of Patti
opera tickets annually besides laying
up a couple of hundred dollars tor
inclement weather. His sudden death
just as be had entered upon a money
making career was rather unfortu-
nate.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29

-Palpitation of the heart, nervousness.
tremblings, nervous headache, cold hands
and feet, pain in the back, and other forms
OF weakness are relieved by Carriers Iron
Pills, made especially for tie blood, nerves
and complexion.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
One Thing Besides Pie.

New York Sun.
Guest-What you got for dessert,
waiter?
Waiter--Dar's pie sab.
Guest--Nothing after pie?
Waiter-No, sab, muffin but feein'
de waitah.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29

About two hundred and seven days
before the cars will be running into
Sedalia on the Santa Fe.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
Good English.

Gloce-Democrat:
If Joe Pulitzer intends to indulge
in the luxury of personal journalism
in New York, he should endeavor to
be surrounded by somebody who can
write good English.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29

Location of the Santa Fe railway
good enough turkey for Thanks.
giving.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29

Johnny Taain has been interviewed
on National Finance. Rats.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29

As white as pearls her dainty teeth;
Her ruby lips with roses vie;
Her mouth quite kissable; her breath
AS sweet as gales from Araby
But nothing strange in this appears
For she's used SOZODONT for wear
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29

-"Spalding's Glue is like wit a goot
thing well applied.
The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-11-29
When the Lips of Beauty

are parted in smile, they disclose a row
of pearls rivaling in purity those which
the diver brings up from the bottom o.
the Persian sea. What will best presery,
these gems of the mouth SOZ0DONT
the celebrated beauti6er and preseryatiyt
of the teeth.