Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1887-06-23
THEATRICAL NUISANCES.
Seeing n Play Under Difficulties.

One evening not long since l went to
the theatre and got u very nice seat in
the orchestra. AS went very early l
had an unobstructed view OF the stage.
After awhile the orchestra, like voter
on election day, began gradually to fill
up.
Then the trouble began, and, as is
usually the case with trouble there was
a woman mt the bottom of II. My
trouble was tall hat with an ostrich
feather on it that seemed to tickle the
big chandelier, and as she sat right in
front of me, and obstructed my view
of the middle of tho stage, where the
villain, MS general thing, gives up the
ghost.
was congratulating myself with the
hope that the villain might possibly
perish miSerably on the side of the
stage. and I'd have chance To gloat
over him, when another female came in
and sat alongside of the one already
mentioned. She had on hat that had
llower-garden on the roof it closed
ont entirely the view on the left. I'M
less the villain was kind enough to per-
ish on the extreme right, my chances of
seeing him draw his last breath were
very slim.
l saw very little of what was happen
ing during the first act. There was a
man sitting next TO me. l think he
was from the West. When the curtain
went down he went out, suffering with
rage, the hats having obstructed his
view too. He must have been medium
for he had spirit call between each
act. AS he passed out he almost
knocked the tall woman's hat off with
his elbow, and he trod on my toes be-
sides. When he came back, he almost
knocked the other hat OFF, and walked
about some more on my corns. The
ladies looked around at him, but he
never quailed: such is the stimulating
effect of n Glove.
He was in talkatiye mood and turn
ing to me he said, in whiskey-laden
whisper, Il wish the men in the theatres
would put on their tall hats, just to see
how the women would like it y
Il have read,' l replied, that some
genius has invented theatre hat that
shuts up, the same to be worn by the
ladies'
~ tall ladies' theatre hat that shuts
down would answer the purpose bet
ter said he. Il was reading a piece in
the paper the other day that IN Corea
women wear hats, in and out of doors,
which vary in height from three to six
feet, and that there has not been a
theatrical performance in Corea for the
last four years. l don't wonder at it,
continued the inebriate, winSing at me.
l think the ladies in front OF us must
have overheard our conversation, for
one said to the other, evidently talking
at us, It's pity some genius can't IN
vent something that will hold man in
bis seat between the acts
Yes replied the other lady 'but
instead of hat that could be shut up
in the theatre,9 man who could be shut
up would be very desirable
The inebriate winched little and
said to me, An eminent scientist attri-
butes the extraordinary longevity of a
woman who died in Boston at the age
of hundred and fourteen to the fact
that she never wore high hat in
theatre
One of the tall hats bobbed about in
dignantly as the owner remarked: the
vigorous health of Philadelphia man,
now in his hundredth year, is due TO
the fact that he never went ont between
the acts to make astronomical obSerya-
tions through glass, and came back
with breath strong enough to draw a
full house.
There is n consolation remarked
the man from the West, sin case there
is a fire; the woman with a big hat will
have it jammed down over her eyes,
and she will never get out alive
The woman with the flowers garden
on the dome of her hat was silent for
moment, and then said: The man
who keeps his mouth shut never lets
the public know what ar ignoramus he
is
She had the last word, for the West.
ern man had temporarily exhausted his
ammunition. He made no reply. There
were several people in our immediate
vicinity who made uncomplimentary
about other people who talk
much IN the theatre. One suggests
that some people who brought their
mouths with them to thetheatre should
be compelled to leave them outside and
get check for them, as is done with
at the art gallery.
l left the theatre before the perform
ance was over. 1 didn't get to see the
stage at all. l was dazed by the con-
yersation of the Western man, and l
limp yet from the injuries my toes sus-
tained by his walking about on them
Is there no way to suppress the three
great theatrical nuisances, viz, tall
hats, irrelevant conversation, and 60
ing out between the acts