Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1887-03-12
MIR. AND MRS. BOWSER.S
THE HUSBAND PREPARES A GRAND
SURPRISE FOR HIS WIFE. 49,


for. the Famiiy-Tho Cow and Cali.
The Butchers Expianation-Eneots Of
Grief-Finaie. IA,
'swhat dye Think" exclaimed Mr..
Bowser, as he rushed into the sitting room
without taking time to leave his hat and
overcoat on the hall rack.
"Somo of our relations deadW
"Relntionss Nawl Mrs. Bowser, for
the past two or three weeks have been
preparing a surprise for you-a great sur
prise. How much milk do we use around
this house dailyg'
'Three quarts of milk and pint OF
cream"
"Exactly, Mrs. Bower, exactly. And
the cost Is twenty-four cents. You call 1t
milk, but what is it9 A compound Of
chalk and water, which must kill us In
side of five years"
"Aud are you going to change milk
menY'
Exactly, Mrs. Bowser. ] am going to
be my own milkman after thisp'
"You are going to-to''---
eyes, I'm going to buy cowi'
'But you always get cheated ON such
things"
"Do II That's all you know about It'll
When don't make 25 per cent. profit /
want to be kicked. A cow will be the
best paying investment we ever made.
Just figure for yourself: There are twelve
| quarts of rich milk per day, at six cents
per quart. That's seventy-two cents per
day or 1904 per week. Take out seventy
five cents ls the cost Of her keeping, and
you have o clear profit of $4.29. Is that
q swindle9 We can't use over four quarts
per day, and can therefore sell eight to
the neighbors Just speak to Green and
Smiths folks, viii your
MIR. BowsER's WARNING.
''Mr. Bowser, don't you remember our
pigS"
"Pigl pigl What has Durham cow
got to do with short horn pigp And,
besides, your own base conduct killed that
animal. Mrs. Bowser, don't you dare at.
tempt any tricks on my cow. I don't
want scandal but I'll divorce you IL
you ever look cross eyed at her."
"Wcll, we'll see how you'll come out"
ooh, yes--throw cold water ON my ef-
forts to give you all the comforts of life.
It's wonder to me that l don't get dis
couraged and go to the gutter, as many
i good man has"
Early the next morning q woman APP
peared with COW and calf, having them
tied behind her wagon Tho calf was tied
as well as the COW, and / noticed that 1t
seemed to be doing its best to keep away
from her. This seemed so singular that
went to the back door to speak to Mr..
Bowscr about it, but he promptly called
to me:
sect back there Do you want to get
this COW excited and her blood heated
upr'
He paid for his new mich cow and
placed COW and calf in the barn, and after
giving them an hour to quiet down he
came in for me. After looking the ami
mails over | asked:
"Mr Bowscr, how old Is that calfY'
"Three weeks"
"And that COW Is its mother?'
ats motherp You don't think she's it's
uncle or grandfather, do your You must
be getting soft in the head!''
, ''Do you notice that she won't own 1t?
See therel She's ready to cripple it If it
comes nearr'
, "Mrs. Bowser, you go in and attend to
your gossip and that wall eyed baby, and
don't you dare to come near this barn
againl You have become cross eyed and
soft headed
|
had butcher up to buy the calf, slipped
out and heard the man say:
CHATS the way of it, Bowser. That
isn't her calf any more than you are
Queen Victoria's brother. The COW may
be all right, however; she looks like a
, good mixer"
The calf was driven away, and Mr..
Bowser put in the afternoon at making a
milk stool and fixing buttons on the cows
, horns. After supper he went out and
MIXED, and as he brought in pail even
full he set ii on the kitchen table with tho
, complacent remark:
''Might have got six quarts more, but I
got tired
THREE GLASSES FOR SUPPER.
He made q great ado about drinking
three glasses for supper, and the cook was
sent around the neighborhood to drum up
customers. He held me in lofty contempt
for awhile, but finally melted enough to
inquire:
"Well, did you taste any chalk in thatT'
'No, but did you observe that 1t had an
old faster"
"W-what do you mean?''
eff that talf didn't belong to her what
/ is the inference?"
} He rose up, turned as white as sheet,
} and after great effort managed to say:
I "Tho inference is TINT you don't know
2 enough to como in when it rainsl Mrs
: Bowscr, you killed off my hens and you
caused the death of my pigl Take care
how you conspire with my cowl There is
II limit TO which human being can be
pushedp'
Nothing further was said until next
. morning, when the quantity of milk
dropped off to four quarts. began to
express wonder and amazement, but Mr..
, Bowser interrupted mo with:
/, 81 didn't expect even that much this
morning. She is grieving for her calf. I"
Tho quantity at night was the same,
; and Mr. Dowser's marble brow wore o
. look Of anxiety. At the end of a week
the quantity had fallen to three quarts at
a milking even with Mr. Bowser feeding
ten pounds of meal per day. Then vent
ured TO observe:
S ''Mr. Bowser, was satisfied from tho
first that you had been swindled. That
calf new
l "Oh, you were? Well, wasn'tI She's
s grieved for that calf until her milk is
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