The Indianapolis journal., 1887-12-18
CHIPS.


Social prestige seems to be a sort of movable
feast. Plumbers used to be the aristocracy OF
this country, but the laurels of wealth are now
temporarily gliding the brow of the coal-dealer
The brain of the elephant is said to be larger
than that of man. There is one thing certain.
when he travels he always has sense enough to
keep his eye on his trunk.
There are twenty-seven 'red-headed men in
Congress 1t is agonizing to dwell upon the
conversational galloping of white horses that
will be heard in those halls this winter.
Chicago should by all means have the national
convention. 1t is the only city in the Union
whose restaurant-keepers throw in piece of
pie with fifteen cent meal
Electricity has gone a little too far. AFrench-
man has an electric railway which carries dishes
around his dining table, dumping the food at
each plate. When it comes to that IN this coun-
try let go back to the trough.
The Psychical Research Society, of Boston,
complains of the scarcity of spooks thereabouts.
Locality, it seems. affects everything; the aver
age Boston woman would be considered spook
enough in some neighborhoods
Oldtown, Me-, boasts of a citizen who is
sixty years old, and has never tasted an oyster.
His association with this agreeable bivalve
must have been confined strictly in the vicinity
of churchsocial oyster soup.
dentists machine for setting artificial teeth
exploded in Reading, Pa, the other day. Sc
riouslv iniuring the operator. This is not the
first time, however, that man has been blown
up on account of his proximity to the jaw.
Mrs Burdette Coutts, it is said, is anxious to
visit this country. but breads the newspaper
comment to which she would be exposed. When
all foreigners come to regard our press in the
LIGHT of a holy terror it will be well. 1t may
inspire them with a desire to behave decently
while they are here.
1t is very difficult matter to permanently To-
cate the literary centre of this intelligent coun-
try New York has 143 public libraries. and
Boston has 76 But then st. Louis man re-
Gently ate nine pounds of beans at one session,
and Chicago has eighteen solid miles or saloons
That James Black, who was lately defeated
as Democratic nominee for sheriff of Madison
county should thereafter be arrested for mule
stealing is undeniably in the direct order of
natural events. Being side e-tracked by his own
party, in full view of the spoils, was enough to
make any man rush off and do something rash.
There are said to be thirty thousand idiots in
England and asylums there few and
crowded that when vacancies occur, elections
to select inmates are held in many towns In
view of this statement it is really not surprising
that some queerly behaved people occasionally
stray over this way
Partisan inventive genius is at work va
rious devices for preventing and extinguishing
fires in theaters So far, SO good; but let not
the benedicton be pronounced until theatrical
appliances include graphing iron to swoop
a pitfail in the lobby to prevent the return of
the man who climbs in and outover the audience
between acts.
In some parts of China il one man owes an
other man money, and does not exhibit any in
clination to pay it, the creditor deems himself
privileged to walk up to the debtor and punch one
of his eyes out Should time pass, and the debt
still remain undischarged. he performs similarly
as to the debtors other eye, and retires salts
fed If this simple system obtained in this
country, bankruptcies would materially de-
crease, pedestrian exercises would have to be
confined to lodging up alleys
1t must GO to the heart of every patriotic
American to read that an eagle-our countrys
emblem-'bird of the proud and sweeping
wing'-was recently arrested in New York city,
whacked over the head by a policeman's club,
led to the station house, and locked up for va
grancy The noble bird, whom this ignomy
was visited, is supposed to have escaped
from Barnums conhagration at Bridgeport. and
was found serenely roosting a hotelroof
For our countrys credit, it is comforting to
know that his royal highness was full of fight,
drove a two inch claw through policemans
thumb, and then filed the air with triumphant
yells. 1t is to be hoped that this incident will
not become widely noised about and give occa-
sion for indulgence in sneers and jeers on the
part of effete and tottering dynasties.
The American custom of using wooden tooth
picks in public is said to fill our English visit
ors with astonishment and disgust. 1t must be
conceded that this is a reprehensible habit, and.
in strict justice to the nicetiss of behavior, the
toothpick should be used only where it
would be permissible to the tooth
brush. However, when the Englishman
stops dragging his bath-tub into his con-
versation, it will be time enough for him
to criticize American lapses from etiquette. The
average Englishman talks so much about his
..bawth" and his 'bawth- tub" that smell
soap-suds when he appears. and the inference
is clear that he must have invented bathing and
is strong in his belief that other nation bathes
as frequently as his own. A story is told which
absurdly illustrates this peculiarity of the
Queens subjects. An Englishwoman, in
sleeper route to California, entered the ladies
toiletroom and remained so long that all the
other lady passengers were wroth, and got the
porter to roust her out that they might have a
chance to refresh their countenances before
dinner at least. The elected lady emerged
looking highly indignant. sayi54 81 had to have
me bawth. you know Bath IN sleeping car!
Let England sink the bath tub and we'll throw
away the toothpick