Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1887-01-05
SHORT But CLEVER.
Some Pointed Illustrations Q
LIleGy Expressed Idoe.s.
South Carolina Toast-daSart's Disgust
with His Opponent at Chess-YouthfuI
Authorization of Lauguage-Suva-
rOn's Historic Dispatch.
IChambers' Journal.l

Chambers Journall
Spartan brevity of speech is still some
times aInusingly illustrated A most
worthy man, unaccustomed to public
speaking, being suddenly called upon to
address Sunday-school, rose to his feet,
and, after vainly struggling for utterance.
at last hoarsely muttered: Dear children,
don't ever play with powder" The fol-
lowing gallant toast was lately given at a
military dinner in South Carolina: 1.-THE
Ladies-Our arms their protection, them
arms our reward
Don't eat stale Q-cumbers. They will
w up" Is the terse advice of some wit.
Announcements on shop-signs, expressed
In the succinct style of one connected with
a certain restaurant in New York, should
serve as startling advertisements:
Lunch, as cents; square meal, l dollar;
perfect gorge, dollar % cents" In the
same city shop-keeper is said to have
stuck upon his door this iaconic adver-
tisement: "A boy wanted" On going to
his shop next morning he beheld a smiling
little urchin in a basket, with the follow
ing pithy label: 'Here he is" A penny-a-
liner would hardly find much employment
on the Kansas paper which informed the
public that Mr.. Blank, of Missouri, got
TO owning horses that didn't belong to
him, and the next thing he knew he
couldn't get his feet down to the ground"
Lynched, probably. A Western writer,
speaking of new play just written by
gentleman Of Cincinnati, says: 1.-THE
unitics are admirably observed; the dull
ness which commences with the first act
never flags for moment until the curtain
falls"
The characteristics of several nations
hppn in ha Fol
concise form: The first thing a Spaniard
does on founding a colony is to build a
gallows; Portuguese, to build church;
an Englishman, drinking-booth, and
Frenchman, dancing-f floor
A cobbler visited one of the large manu-
factories the other day, and for the first
time in his life saw shoes made by ma
chinery. what do you think of thatl''
asked the foreman. sit beats awl," was
the laconic and significant reply. A
sensible" woman, as DR.. Abernethy
would have called her, was discovered by
shy man, who made her a rather original
proposal He bought wedding-ring and
sent it to the lady, inclosing a sheet of
notepaper with the brief question: 'sDoes
1t ttF" BY return of post he received for
answer: Beautifully" -
1t is related that Makart, the great
Nlennese painter, is even more taciturn
than Won Moltke, the man who is silent in
seven languages. An American who had
been told that the best way to get on
friendly terms with the artist would be to
play chess with him at the cafe, to which
he resorted nightly, watch his opportunity.
and, when Makart's opponent rose,
shpped INTO his chair. At
last his dream was about to be
realized, he was to- spend an evening in
Makart's society. The painter signed to
him to play, and the game began and went
on with no other sound than the moving of
the pieces. AT last the American made
the winning move and exclaimed MATER
Up rose Makart in disgust and stalked
out, saying angrily to a friend who asked
why he left so early: 20, l can't stand
playing with a chatterbox :"
The expressions used by some bows and
girls if written as pronounced would look
like foreign Language. Specimens of
boys conversation like the following may
be called shorthand talking: "Warcjego
lasnightw bladder skate" - "Jerfind
the ice hard'ngoodf' yes; hard'nough."
"Jer goerlonel" mo; Biu'n Joe
wenterlong.r "Howlate Jerstayp' 'sPast-
ate" ''Lemmeknow wenyergoin' WON
cherF' I wanter go'nshowyer howto
skate" "H-m, fcoodn' skate better'n
you I'd sell out 'ncuit.s 'Well, We'll try
Grace 'nseefyercan."
The well-known answer of the Greeks to
the Persian King before the battle of
Thermopyl9 was rivaled by the dispatch
of General Suvaroff to the Russian EN-
press; ''Hurrahl Ismairs oursw The
Empress returned an answer equally
brief: "Hurrahl Field-Marshalr'
The message from Lord Charles Beres-
ford to his wife from the fort near Met
emneh was pithy enough: Quite well
and cheerful Privations have been Sc
we're: thirst, hunger, battles desperate;
but things look better
There are some quaint and pithy epistles
on record. Quin, when offended by Rich,
went away in resentment and wrote: Il
am at Bath" The answer was as laconic,
though not quite so civil: "Stay there"
Sibbald, the editor of the Chronicle of
Scottish Poetry, resided in London for three
or four years, during which time his
friends in Scotland were ignorant not only
of his movements, but even of his address.
In the long run, his brother, a Leith
merchant, contrived to get letter con-
veyed to him, the object of which was to
inquire into his circumstances and to ask
where he lived. His reply ran as follows:
'Dear Brother: l live in Soho, and my
business is $3.50. Yours, James Sib-
bald"
Concise and to the point was this curl
GUS letter sent by farmer to a school
master as an excuse for his sons
absence from school: ''Cepatomtogoa-
tatrin." This meant, KEEP at 'ome to
go a-taterin' gathering potatoes). A
Canadian freshman once wrote home to
his father: "Dear Papa: l want a little
change" The fond parent replied by the
next post: Dear Charlie: Just wait for
it. Time brings change to every one"
Briefer than these was an epistle of
Emile de Girardin to his second wife. with
whom he lived on most unfriendly terms.
The house was large enough to permit
them to dwell entirely separate from one
another. One day Madame de Girardin
had an important communication to make
to her husband Taking a small sheet of
paper she wrote: 1.-THE Boudoir to the
Library: Would like to go to Switzer-
land" NJ. de Girardin, initiating her con-
else style, responded: ''The Library to
the Boudoir: Co." That was all.
SOUTH SEA ISLANDERS: