The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1887-06-24
THE PROFESSOR.
Graphic Sketch Of an Interesting
Character.

Not the least wonderful thing about
the professors the fact, which he him
self would be the first to acknowledge,
that he is my friend. Two persons
more completely unlike could hardly
be found than the professor and my
self. l have often wondered how it
was that we became as intimate as we
now are, and yet can give no reason
able reason for it. must represent
to the professor gulf of yawning ig-
nOrance. His knowledge begins so far
above where mine ends, that it is i'm
possible for us to have any extended
conversation on any subject with which
he is familiar. He is the author of
many works that are text books in the
higher branches of science. He gave
me the latest volume he had pub
lishod, and l took it to my London
lodgings and tried hard to read even
the first page. 1t was of no use. L
might as well have tried to wade across
the Atlantic. 1t was too deep for me.
Next time l met him, said:
= Professor, read that interesting
volume of yours last night. Couldn't
put it down till l had finished it..
The professor frightened up. II am
glad you liked it," he said.
"Still have one fault to find with
it. 1t is too simple. You should re-
member that you are not writing for
children but for grown up men. Why
don't you write something learned and
deepP"
The professor sighed.
your criticism is just he admit
ted; ''but you see am only on the
threshold of knowledge. often think
it is presumption in me to write at all,
and would not have issued the book l
gave you were it not for the urging of
the publishers and some of my friends.
Of course you noticed the error in that
calculation on page 103?'
Certainly. l suppose you claim
that was mistake of the printerP'
"Oh, not at all. The mistake was
mine, and the more inexcusable, as |
corrected the proofs If the investiga-
tions in which am at present engaged
are successful, l hope to produce a
book that will meet the approval of all
my friends. Did you notice any other
errors in the bookP"
"My dear professor, haven't you
known me long enough to be aware
that 1 can't read page of that book or
understand line of itP / didn't know
any thing of the error on page sol
Or"
page 103," corrected the profess
sor.
"Well, page 1913, then. 1t would take
me years to get up to the preface of
that book-in fact, | doubt if | ever
would reach there"
"Then your criticisms" began the
professor, reproachfully, "were pure
bosh." | admitted.
The professor looked at me over his
glasses, as was habit of his, and said
nothing. He thought such tr11ing with
so serious a subject as science was ut
terly beneath the dignity of any sane
man, and indeed it was.
Although the Professor is one of the
most genial men | ever knew he is
completely devoid of any sense of hui
NOR.
One evening at the professor rooms
mutual friend told very funny story.
1t was 80 evident that the Professor
did not see any thing funny about it
that proposed we should try and ex-
plain it to him. The mutual friend
analysed it; took it apart, bit by bit,
and explained where the point of the
yarn was, and to assist him l drew a
diagram on sheet of paper The
professor listened with that intense at
tention which he gave to any subject
thatwas brought before his notice, and
then said, with sigh:
Don't you perceive, gentlemen, that
the premises are wrong and conse-
quently the whole structure falls to
pieces. The story can not possibly be
true"
The professor, l need not say, is a
bachelor, and he has lived most of his
life in the same London lodgings. Why
Providence placed such a man as he is
in the midst of London never could
understand. / would as soon think of
trusting q five-year old child on the
streets of the great city as the profess
sor; yet he has so far managed to get
along without accident. He goes along
the crowded streets with his mind far
away, and sort of instinct seems to
take him to the place he starts for. He
will cross streets in the midst of a roar
ing traffic that would appall man
with his senses about him. Many a
Cab-horse has been suddenly pulled
back on its launches to prevent the
professor being run over, and many a
bus has been quickly swerved just in
time to save him broken limb or
worse. Curses loud and deep follow
him, but they merely come back to
roost beside the drivers who send them,
AVA WV RASASSSOA guys OlA III pltCllt
way, perfectly unconscious that he is
being sworn at and equally oblivious to
the fact that he has passed unscathed
through all the dangers of cavalry
charge. No master ever treated his
slave with the exacting severity that
the professors mind treats the profess
sor's body His mind is not intention
ally tyrannical; it merely gives no
thought to the bodily professor that
the world sees, and which to the men,
tai professor is merely useful arrange
ment f,bones and muscles very handy
for transporting the mental professor
here and there and for absorbing such
nutriment as the mental professor
needs to carry on his calculations. To
the establishment of the professor, this
only too willing slave has broken down
under the burden imposed on it on one
or two occasions. The doctor has SAID