Morning journal and courier., 1887-01-24
HARE ANu SOFr:

The Newburyport Herald said: "Travel is
hard about town to-day" 1t was hard be-
cause it was soft.-Lowell Courier.
cts bitterly cold, " said a husband, with
shiver; why don't you button up your fur
lined circular?' because [ want it to fly
open" replied the lady, placidly.-Puek.
Convalescent Ito doctor)-''Now that am
may as well send in your bill" Physician
''Net yet, sir. I want to avoid any risk of
relapse"
An Easy Question.-Te -Teacher-s<What sort
Of hair had the ancient Britons?' Boy
''Ancient Britons?" eyes" ''Gray hair, of
course. Gimme something hard. Texas
Siftings.
Rather Startling -sFWe1, Count, any sport
this morningsn ''Helas! mon ami, very sad
sport ave shot three beautiful misses.H
(He means he has missed three beautifal
shots. Punch.
"Do you object to smoking, Miss Flo!"
asked young Dumley. mot at ALL" replied
Miss Flo, 'Fbut [ don't want pa to see me,
He's got old fashioned notions about such
things, you know."-New Orleans Times
Democrat.
''What are 20 ugoing to do with that over
coatE' inquired policeman Of tramp who
was walking out of a clothing store. 'GiTe
it up" replied the tramp, rs he handed it to
the officer and slid round the corner. .-Mer-
chant Traveller.
Rural landlord TO guest)-''By gum, mis-
ter, forgot to tell We last night that that
window don't siet down close, am [ see the
SHOWS drifted in an kivered yer cloes up.
III be up in minute with shovel an dig
em out"-Puck.
A little friend of ours was recently taken
to the bnrbeI's shop to have his hair cut for
the first time. As the barber cut and clip
ped, the little fellow seemed to become con-
siderably alarmed, for he suddenly said, in
anxious tones, "You'll leave enough to grow,
won't you, nister!'-Harper's Bazaar.
One of our school teachers was endeavor-
ing to explain to small boy in her class the
meaning of the word ''collision." She said:
s'Suppose two boys running on the street
shosid come together real hard. What would
there be?'' "a fght,r responded the little
fellow loudly and with astonishing prompt
ness, and the teacher gave it up.-Bangor
Commercial.
Deeper and deeper: De Trow-''How hor-
ribly that tenor is numbering his anthem,
Miss Claymore" Miss Claymore-"That
tenor is my brother, Ethelbert, Mr.. De Trow."
De Trow (glancing at his hymnal and turn
ing the leaves quickly)-"Why, how stupid
Of me, thought he was singing Mozart's
'Hallellujah.''' Miss Claymore (frigidly)-
'sEe std Bits.
Had Experience.-'sYou say that you have
only been IN THIS country three mOnIhs, salti
a lady to applicant to become mistress of
the kitchen. ''I'm afraid you haven't had
experience. Were you at service before you
came to this country?" "Dade an | wasn't,
min! Me feyther wilthy, an 1 owned
cow an two pigs, but I've had experience
since I've been here. In the three months
I've been in twenty-sax places. Life.
Sanitary tem-Patient-''Tell me candid
ly, doctor, do you think I'll pull through?"
Doctor-s'Oh, you ale bound to get well;
you can't help yourself The Medical Rec
ord shows that out of one hundred cases like
yours one per cent. RECEIVERS invariably"
''Ihat's a cheerful prospect" ''What more
do you want? I've treated ninety nine cases
and every one of them died. Why, man
alive! you can't die If you try. There's no
hnmbug about statistics. "--TeXas Siftings.