The Abilene reflector. [volume] (Abilene, Kan.) 1883-1888, 1887-05-19
LiMEKilN CLUB.
"A Dastardly Deed Which Led Brornel
Gardner to Deliver q Sound Lecture.

Dastardly Deed Which Led Brornel
Gardner to Deliver q Sound Lecture.
The thirteenth dastardly attempt to
destroy Paradise Hall was revealed al
five o'clock Saturday evening when the
Janltor arrived to place the hall in
| order for the usual meeting. Ever since
the attempt of last October bear-traps
and spring-guns have been set at every
door and window when the hall was
closed, and this fact was generally
known to the public. The human
hyena who had resolved in his own base
mind to destroy the headquarters of the
club procured ladder, mounted to the
roof, and then cut hole and descended
alongside of a chimney. In this way
he thought to escape all dangers pre-
pared for him, and he no doubt
chuckled with fiendish glee as he
dropped down into the library. His
first move was to demolish the bust of
Cicero. This was one of the first busts
donated to the clnb, and has represented
Horace Greeley, Napoleon Bonaparte,
Franklin Pierce, George Washington
and several other distinguished men by
turns. The villain seized a crowbar
standing in corner of the
| library and demolished the bust at one
awful sweep. He then started for
the club safe, doubtless intending to
drive the crowbar through and through
it, and then vengeance overlook him.
As he stepped into the passage behind
the secretary's desk bear-trap awaited
his coming with yawning jaws and
clashing teeth. What occurred is par
tally matter of guesswork. The trap
was found sprung and in its jaws was
a bloody boot. Bloody tracks led from
thence to the ante-room. and there the
bastard had raised a window and leaped
down on the roof of the grocery and es-
capped to the ground. The occurrence
probably took place Friday night, as the
policeman on the beat remembers of
hearing loud, long shrek about eleven
o'clock. 1t sounded to him like the
voice of a strong man about to give up
the fight for his life, and though he in
vestigated the neighborhood he was
made no wiser. How the villain suf-
fered-how he wrung his hands and
vowed to live better life hereafter
how the sweat of agony stood on his
forehead and his eyes grew fiercely
wild-can be imagined by any one who
has visited escene.
1t is supposed that he had "pal''
in the alley, and that this man finally
came to his relief and pried the trap
open far enough to permit the foot to
be pulled out of the boot. AS soon as
the meeting WAS called to order the
janitor reported the case. accompanied
by war map, and Brother Gardner
arose and said:
my frens, dis incident furnishes me
wild an opportunity to address you on
de subiick of Goodness vs.. Badness. If,
when baby was three days ole, he
could reason an calkilate, he would
reason as follows: 'Heah ar, sound,
healthy boy, wild big show of CROWN
up to manhood. De more l kick an
yell an misbehave doorin' my infancy
de mo- spankin's I'll receive. De better
l mind an de gooder 1 ar as boy de
easier will slip along. AS young
man shall be upright an honest. As
a middle-aged man 1 shall act on de
squar'. As an ole man l shall quit
chawin' plug tobacker, read up on de
Bible an go to bed airly.'
"Wickedness doan' pay, figger it up
as you will. We hev had many in
stances OF it in dis club, an we ar sur
rounded wild 'em at home. When
Whalebone Howker stole wheelbarrer
belongin' to Pickles Smith he at fust re-
joiced an was glad. He felt dat he
was two dollars ahead of de game, and
he poked hisself in de ribs fur smart |
man. Howsumeber, he hadn't had dat |
stolen vehickle in his posseshun two
hours when his game rooster died, de |
dog-catcher picked up his dog, an a
man who owed him four dollars went
into bankruptcy. He could fgger dat
he was eight dollars out of pocket, an
den Pickles foun' out who stole his
wheelbarrer an cum ober an licked |
widin an inch of his life |
besides.
take de case of Bermuda Jones,
who Ibis mex doah to Condensed Gun
ningham. Bermuda sot down wild a
piece of chalk an figgered up dat wick
edness paid two hundred per cent, an
he went ober to de grocery; backed up
agin cracker bar'l. an while he in
GAGGED de grocer in religus discussion
wild one hand. he filled his hind pocket
wild crackers wild de odder. He
started out of dat grocery feeling dat
he was seben cents ahead an still gain
in, but what was de result? A small
boy, who was in dar to buy a cents
WORT of taffy, seed de hull performance
an told de grocer. Bermuda was fol-
Iered home, knocked down in the
kitchen an made to give up de fo' cane
seat cheers in his parlor to settle de
case. Did he profit by his badness?
Did he make any two hundred per cent.
On dat?
'.Agin, take de case of Kurnel Letting
we'll Kabar. had six Leghorn hens in
my coop, an he coveted 'em. Instead
Of comm to me in frank. honest way
mn Offarip' RI huv dose hans at da;r