The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-10-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

| garia to hedge. Francisco Atta.
Our best friends are those who keep
perfectly quiet when some ole is
| enumerating our virtues.-Shoe ana
=, Leather Reporter.
The Smithsonian Institution ought
to place a travelling minstrel show
among its archaeological specimens
Macon Telegraph.
Cigar dealer-I have something new
in cigarettes | want to show you, Mr..
Dumley. Dumley-What is it, to-
baccoP-New York Sun.
A great many good men have missed
the top of the ladder by attempting
too many rounds at the first jump
Shoe and Leather Reporter.
The little King of Spain is cutting
his teeth. Here's hoping that there
is wisdom-tooth as big as hammer
| head in the lot.-San Francisco Alta.
Tramp in railroad Office. Without
change, eh? Guess I'll take this route
if the schedule suits me. I've been
without change long time. ''-TeraS
Sytings.
Politics and poetry are not supposed
to assimilate, yet the politician and
the poet are not so very different. One
lays his pipes and the other pipes his
lays.-1eraS SttingS.
Featherly Ito Dumley, who has
given him a cigar)-Somebody (putf)
must have given you this cigar, Dunn
lev Dumley-Yes; is it a bad one?
Featherly-No; it's (puf) good one.
Puck
No matter how good character a
deacon may have he cannot put s.
bill in the plate which he has just
passed and make change for himself
without arousing the suspicious Of the
congregation.-P4ck.
Mrs. Brown CATER exceptionally
fine dinner)-I tell my husband that
if he will bring gentlemen home unex-
pectedly, he mustn't complain if every
thing isn't right Dumley-Pray make
no excuses, wasn't at all hungry
Life.
Mother-Now, Lionel, tomorrow
you will be years old, and if you are
a good boy you shall have a nice little
cake and three candles. Lionel
(slowly q would rather have three
nice little cakes and one candle
Judge.
1t is not thoughts of falling leaves
and the dead and dying year that
make young man sad in the fall. 1t
is the thought that he must have new
clothes for winter and cannot stand
off his tailor on another bill.-NeaO Or
leans Picayuue.
Mamma" said little girl, on her
way home from fashionable church,
"are people who sit in the middle aisle
wickeder than those at one sidep"
Certainly not, dear. Why?" "Be-
cause the minister only preached to
them. "-NeU York Sun.
Proud mother (haughtily)-You al
lowed yourself to be won altogether
too easily, Edith! Edith suppose |
and | am nearing 80 | thought it only
proper to make it as easily as possible
for him.-Harper's Bazar.
According to a Boston clergyman,
who claims to have figured it out, the
millennium is due next year. In that
case, all we have to say is that the
clergymen of Boston have deal of
hard work to do in the next few
months. Philadelphia Inquirer.
Lawyer-Your uncle makes you his
sole heir, but the will stipulates that
the sum of $lC0 must be buried with
him. Heir QeeIingly)-The old man
was eccentric, but his wishes must be
| respected, of course. I'll write a
check for the amount.-New York
| San.
Daughter (watching the seagulls)-
Do the seagulls accompany us all the
| way across, mamma? Mother-I know
| of two of them that do, my dear
,.,-ur father and your uncle, James.
They a~s down below now playing
poker with strangers. Neao York
Sun.
Life has often been com Jared To a
voyage at sea, or down the strea." ol
time, but it is not generally known
that this analogy was first suggested
to the ancients by the fact that men
like boats usually have to be bailed
out after they get full.-Dututh Para
grdpher.
Robinson-What was the amount Of
your doctors bill, Dumley? Dumley
i paid him 5000 Robinson-Two
hundred dollars! That's too much
Dumley-He saved my life, you know.
Robinson-Yes, l know he saved your
life. But 5000, Dumley! That's too
much.-NeW York Sun.
About the hardest thing in the world
tor woman to preserve while en-.
gagged in the preserving business is her
temper, when she is obliged to set her
preserve kettle off the stove to answer
ring at the door-bell, and finds q
patent-medicine circular on the front
step.-NOrriStOaC Herald
Medium-"Are there any here who
would like to be put in communica.
ton with departed spirits?" Topper
Gan accidental intruder)-Yes. Just
put me in communication with the
demijohn somebody walked off WITH
last night while | was asleep on the
common.-BoStor Budget
Old lady Ito grocer's boy)-Don't
you know, boy, that it is very rude to
whistle when dealing with lady?
Boy-That's what the boss told me to
do, mum. Old lady-Told you to
whistle? Boy-Yes'm. He said if
we ever sold you anything we'd have
to whistle for the Harper's
Bdzar.
Robinson stood on the corner, his
attitude expressive of pain. Whats
the matter, Robinson?" inquired Dunn
ley, who CHANGED to be passing. Rheu-
matism again. You look sort O.
twisted" NO" responded Robinson,
my wife has Just made me half a
dozen new shirts, and I've got one of
'em on. "-NcaO York Sum-