The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-09-15
glashes Of fun.

osopher. If that's the case we shan't
waste any more money on physicians.
On entering the asylum for inebriates,
he said: "Do theystreat drunkards here?"
Yes sir, "Well, I'm one. Where's your
bar?' ~..
Itmade a Observation-Disclosures Party
Il shay mister, how fur is. it to. Canal
streets?" Citizen-"Twenty minutes
walk" Inebriated Party-"For you or
jhic) me %"
I'VE all have our burdens to bear said
the minister. There are many. trials in
this life" Yes, l suppose there are, re
Piled the poor lawyer ruefully: '"but [
don't seem to have much luck at getting
mixed up'in en- *<".""
The first presidential candidate who
comes out with the announcement that
he is in the hands. of his friends deserves
to be skinned. Moreover, he will be.
That's what's politicians friends are for.
Detroit Free Press. - .
A. little fellow living in town, between
three and four years old, was asked what
his kitty did in a fight between her and a
dog. "WeI,", said he, '"she bumped up
her back as high as she could, she made.
her tail as big as she could, and then she
blew her nose in his face"
He was four years old and had received
his first trumpet. He enjoyed it immen-
sely. When he was put to bed his mother
asked him to put the trumpet away and
say his prayers. %Tll tell you what let's
do, mamma" saidthe young man. "You
pray, and Eli just keep on blowing" -
The Murphy Bulletin says a Murphy
man has the following posted in his field:
-"If any mansion woman's cows or
oxen gets in these oats, his or her tail will
be cut off, as the case may be. | am a
Christian man and pays. my taxes; but
durn aman who lets his critters run loose"
Sister Jones-"Brudder L%ightfoot,
what's de resin it is so much hotter in de
summer dan it are in de winter p Brother
Ligltfoot-" History tells us, Sister Jones,
dat it am OWN to de fact dat de nights
am so short dat de sun, dat great ball oh
FIRE, don't hab time to cool it off.-Har-
ger's Weekly. e,. ~
Marketman-" Why did you return
that pair of fouls yesterday" Customer
- DcCdlSc J. GllOuSl1U Oul Itu UCllcI CIV
them to a home for aged couples"
4 girl stepped into a jewelers. and
asked for a pair Of consistency bracelets
Somebody had told her that consistency
was a jewel.
"Why don't you propose to her, Joe?'
We'll, I'm half afraid"
She loves you, don't she?"
"Oh, awfully."
You agrPeerrwith herfatheri in politics."
And with her brother as to who is the
best pitcher?"
Then blow me if [ can see what you're
afraid of."-Harper's Bazar.
what brought you.to this place, my
friend?" inquired a visitor at the peniten-
tiary of a convict.
"a mere matter of opinion got me
here. sir
"ImpoSsible!'
No, sir. | expressed the opinion that
[ was innocent, and the jury expressed
the opinion that I wasn't. It's a cold
world, sir."-Lye.
Jim Webster meets~o on the streets of
Austin. Matilda Snowfall, with whom he
is acquainted.
Jim-How does yer like de white
famerly you am workin' for now?
Matilda-I has only been, wild 'em a
week, and I can't tell, yit. De fust week
de white folks alters tries ter make a good
impreshun on de culled lady what hires
herself to 'em.-Teras Sittfngs.
NJ dear" said a gentleman to his wife,
where did all those books on astronomy
come from? You know you said this
morning that we ought to study astron-
omy, and [ went to a book store and
bought every thing I could find on the
subject 1t was some minutes before he
spoke. MY dear he then said slowly, his
voice husky with emotion. I%~never said
we must study astronomy-I said that we
must study economy.
Intended emigrant: Did you ever see
a cyclone?
Man from Dakota: Only one, but it
was a regular old-timer, with all modern
improvements
Did it strike your house?
l should say it did
Ruined you Of course; swept every
thing away2"
No, sir: didn't take a thing. The
sheriff had been there that very morning,
and he did the sweeping. You never saw
a cyclone so disappointed in all your life! 7
-Horpers Bazar.
A Texas gentleman travelling in a Pull
man palace car in Pennsylvania happened
to say that he was from the Lone Star
State.
ado you live in the western portion of