The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-08-04

An Attempt 70 Burn It's Building Hsf
the Occa.Lnn of some Re.oImtions.

An Attempt TO Burn It's Building SIsd'
the Occasion of some Resolutions.
The thirteenth dastardly attempt to de
strOy Paradise hall was revealed at O'Clock
Saturday evening when the Janitor arrived
TO place the hall in order for the usual meet
ing. Ever since the attempt Of last October.
bear traps aud spring guns have been set al
every door and window when the hall was
closed and the would be incendiary was
caught, but escaped, leaving a bloody boot IL
the trap behind him
As soon as the meeting was called 10 order
the janitor reported the case, accompanied by
a war map, and Brother Gardner arose and
said
MY frens, dis incident furnishes me vic
an opportunity 10 address you on de subjicE
of Goodness vs. Badness. If, when a baby
was three days ole, he could reason an cal
kilate, he would reason as follows: 'Heah !
ar, sound, healthy boy, wild big show Of
GROWN up % manhood. De more 1 kick an
yell an misbehaye doOrin' my infancy De mo
spanldn's I'll receive. De better L mind an
de goOder ar as boy DO easier 1 VIII slip
along As a young man / shall be uprigh
am honest. As middle aged man 1 shall
act on de squar'. As an old man [ shall quit
chawin plug tObacker. read up on de Bible
an 20 10 bed airly.
~ L>ht'AAAAt97 'AJslli pay Niger IL ny 10 OE
viii We hev had many instances of il in dis
club an we an surrounded wild em at home.
When Whalebone HOwker stole a wheelbar-
Ter belOngiu' to Pickles Smith he at fust 10
joiced an was glad. He felt dat he was s.
ahead Of de game, and he poked hisself in de
ribs fur a smart man. HOwsumeber, he
hadn't had dat stolen vehickle in his pOsseShuu
two hours when his game rooster died, de dog
catcher picked up his dog an man who
owed him 81 went into bankruptcy. He could
figger dat he was s. out Of pocket, an den
Pickles foun' out who stole his wheelbarrel
an cum ober an licked Whalebone widin an
inch of his life besides.
"Take de case of Bermuda Jones, who Ibis
mex doah to Condensed Cunningham Ber
muda sOt down wild piece of chalk an fig
gered up dat wickedness paid POO per cent.
an he went ober to de grocery, backed up
agin cracker bar'l an while he ingaiged de
grocer in a religuS discussion wild one hand
he filed his hind pocket wild crackers wild de
odder. He started out of dat grocery feelin
dat he was seben cents ahead an still gainin',
but what was lie results A small boy, who
was in dar to buy a cents WORT of tafTy, seed
de hull performance an told de grocer. Ber-
muda was foIIered home, knocked down il
his own kitchen, an made to give up de 70
cane seat cheers in his parlor to settle de case.
Did he profit by his badness1 Did he make
any 200 per cent. on dat:
"Agin, take de case of KuTnel Leffingwell
Kabar. had six Leghorn hens in my coop,
an he coveted EN-. Instead of COMM to me
III a frank, honest way an offerin to buy dose
hens at DER value an gibin me his note due
in thirty days, lie steals upon my coop in de
gloom of midnight an fOrcibly captivates my
poultry. He chuckled to hisself ober hi
smartness an he figured up his 200 per cent.
L,,t /
left one Of de ole blue patches on his pants on
a nail in de coop, am when 1 found my hens
gone [ walked ober to his humble cabin an
took him by de neck an drawed him out
doors. Some of you hey probably heard dat
he went into a decline soon arter dat, an dat
when de post mOrtem was held three of his
ribs war found stickin' out of his back
Il hev dggered on goodness an badness,
an tell you dat badness doan' pay. Some OF
you may hev lifted a ham at de cO'ner grocery
widOut bein caught at it, but VT how did
you feel when you met policeman, or when
a strange knock cum at de doah9 Guilt was
sich burden on yer soul dat de ham tasted
like sawdust, an you woke up at midnight to
see spooks standing by yer beds. De good
man gees arouu' wild his hat on his ear,
afeared of nobody an loollin' eberybody
squar' III de eye. If he happens to see de
patrol wagon gwine along he doan' turn pale
If anybody happens to lay a hand on him he
doan't sink inter his butes.
"How ar 1t wild de bad mana He's allus
loOkin' fur bar traps an spring guns He's
aIlus 'spectin' to be rested am sent up.
strange knock at his cabin doah sends a chill
up his back. Go whar' he viii, he feels guilty
an afeared, an some fine day when he am
out injoyin de balmy breeze long Gums a
detective an claps de handouts on him, an
away he goes to state prison fur ten Vars.
You kin figger an fgger, but goodness am
bound 70 come under de wire full length
ahead"
The Presidents address created considerable
excitement. and Waydown Bebee was ready
with the following preamble and resolution:
Nv Whereas, Goodness ar moa' profitable
dan baGuess, an also easier on de Conscience.
now, daI fore
Resolved, Dat it ar de sense of this meet
in dat we stick to goodness"
The resolution was adopted by unanimous
vote, and the meeting adjourned with much
good feeling. -Detroit Free Press