Morning journal and courier., 1887-09-13
HOWLS.
Henry James always Howells when he is hurt. This is joke that requires thought to be appreciated. Life,

Henry James always Howells when he is hurt. This is a joke that requires thought l to be appreciated.-Life An admirer of Whistler said to him: "Ah, MT. Whistler, only know of two painters in all the world-VeIasquez and yourself!" Why" said MT. Whistler, in the softest
 tones, why drag in Velasquez a'-Epoch. Comparative.-"Oh, pshaw," said the Bos- tonian contemptuously, everything with you New Workers is the almighty dollar"
 "And with the Bostonians everything is the
 omnipotent quarter,' replied the New York
 er.-Life.
 A New Specialty.-"M Messenger, have you
 time to go on errand?" ''Yes, sir; what do you wish me to do?' Take this trunk to
 the railroad station." Impossible, I am
 sorry to say; am 8 specialist for love letters
 and bouquets. "-Fliegende Blatter.
 "What caused the fall in stocks yester-
 days" asked member of the New York Ex-
 change.
 "Don't know" replied the other member,
 "unless Jay Gould's little grandson has the
 collie again. ."-Pittsburg Chronicle.
 In the midst of a tervent exhortation to
 sinners Portland reviyalist, who is by bus-
 mess an auctioneer, exclaimed: Twenty nine I've got; thirty shall have lem? Bless the Lord. Twenty nine are saved. Who will come next? Shall have thirty a'-New Or leans Picayune.
 "Do you know" said dignihed looking man, "that never tasted whiskey2" "No," :" was the reply, 'I know lots of fellers that gulp 1t down quick that way, but somehow could always git more enjoyment out of it by lettin' it go slow, unless it's clear pizen."- Washington Critic. Fiancee (of hideous, but fabulousIy rich l man) "Have you been shaved" The man i-"Yes." Fiancee-"Have plenty of per- fume on?" The man-"Yes." Fiancee- ''No tobacco in your mouthl" The man | ''No." Fianoee-"Well, you can kiss my poodle, then. Flown Topics ''The times sadly changed" said a gentleman not long ago. "In what respect do you find them changed most?" he was I asked by friend "Oh, that is plain," he 1 said, "no regard is paid nowadays to people of quality" "Well, to be sure," said the friend, ''it isn't so much the people of quail ty that we pay attention to nowadays as it | is the quality Of people. ."-Youth's Compan- l ion
 An unlueky treading notice:" ''Excuse l me sir" said the business manager to the city editor, ''but you promised to print that puff of Smithers' dry goods store just as l wrote it." ''Well, didn't Ia'' 'sNo, sir It ! wasn't published at all" 'tDid you write on one side of the paper only?" Certainly" 7" ''Then guess must have published the | wrong side of the manuscript. Washington Critic.
 Charley (aged eight, to his sister Fannie's
 new beau)-Say, MT. Sophtly, Fannie said | last night that you were not such fool you | looked.
 Billy (aged seven)-Why, Charley, she l didn't say anything of the sort. MT. Sophtly-I should imagine not, Billy. What did she say?"
 Billy-She said you didn't look as great 8 l fool as you were.-Tid-Bits. A Family Trait.-Colonel Bill McCraeken | enjoys the reputation for pouring out more \ whisky at one drink than any other man in Austin, newly elected members of the legis- | iature excepted. The colonel was taking a | drink ct the Gently Dreaming saloon when | the barkeeper remarked: 'I say, colonel, I waited on a man while ago who pours out l @ bigger drink of whisky than you do." "He l was probably member of the legislature. He don't count. I can't compete with old | professionals" ''No, he isn't member of | the legislature. He is a very intelligent | looking young man, stranger to me. He is
 in the other room playing billiards" Col. McCracken looked into the billiard saloon l and exclaimed: "Why, that's my son Tom. | He has just come home from military school | in Kentucky. I knock under. ."-Texas Sift- \ ings.