Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-01-16
MR.. AND r BowsER.
MIR. b. Breaks Out in Spots, According to
Habit He has, and Mrs. Bowser
Gives the Horrifing details.

DaDlt ne nhSt anu mrs. lSOwsGr
Gives the Horrifing details.
Detroit Free Press.
MIR. Bowser is a great man to ''break out
in spots" The other evening, after he
had lighted a cigar and got his feet braced
on the mantle, he suddenly observed:
"Mrs. Bowser, has it never occurred to
you to call me judge?"
'tNever" 1 promptly replied, for he had
complained of the biscuit at supper,
"Nor coloneE"
"No."
while I, could probably have gone to
the supreme bench, or been commissioned
colonel" he softly continued. II did not
care for the honor. / am not one, Mrs.
Bowser, to clutch at titles in order to lift
myself up, but l didn't know but it might
please you to be known as Mis-. Judge
BOwser."
Il don't want the title"
every well, Mrs. Bowser. If you have
no care for social distinction, I'm sure /
havn't. II your ambition is to plank your
self in the house with that wall-eyed baby,
and pay no attention to the demands of
society; I might as well join another
lodge" 80,
| felt a bit conscience-stricken over the
way l had acted, and after awhile / went
out and told the cook to call him Judge
when she came in with the last scdttle of
coal. When she came she managed to
bump him, to give her an excuse for say
ing: Excuse me, ConStable-excuse me!'
There was a solemn silence for five min
utes after she left the room. Then Mr..
BOwser observed:
perhaps, on the whole, Mrs. BOwser,
it would be as well not to attempt TO call
me by any title. Hired help is so stupid,
You know"
On a late occasion, as u fireside was a
scene of peace and happiness, Mr.. BOwser
softly remarked:
Mrs. BOwser, whenever it comes handy,
you'd better throw out hints to your lady
friends that You were educated abroad"
''Why?n .....
"Well, it will increase their respect for
you" "1
But / was educated in the little red
school house at Perryville, You know, and
have never been out of the State"
Don't talk so loud, rs Jane may be
listening! l told q friend only the other
day that | wa educated auroad, and had
been through all the art galleries of Eu-
rope"
What place did you say you studied
at?"
Zanzibar"
"Why my dear, that'si in African
at is: Now that shows what you know!
Zanzibar is in Germany. Mrs. Bowser, !
don't want TO crow over you on the subject
of education, but when you display such
lamentable ignorance ~ geography | have
to fesl glad that my school days were not
wasted.O
81 say it's in Africa"
Mrs. BOwser"
"And I'll prove it by the atlasn
at you do I'll give You $50 in CASH.
got out the atlas, and there, over on
the east coast of the Dark Continent, was
Zanzibar, as everybody school child knows.
"Im take that fifty" l quietly re-
marked.
mo, you won't! Some fool of n map
maker has gone and got drunk and mixed
things up, and I'm not going to pay for it.
When | know that Zanzibar is in Germany
| know it just as well as the atlas oil any
body else"
did this friend Of yours ask you what
old master you preferred?"
"Yes, ma'am, and | was posted there,
too. You may think | go sloshing around
with both eyes shut and my tongue hang
ing out. Mrs. Bowser, but that's where
You are dead lame. | told him Longfel-
low"
"Mr. BOwserI"
"What now! You don't s'pose | said
Sam Patch or Buffalo Eli, do your"
"But Longfellow WAS not q painter at
all, he was 4 poet"
He drew in his breath until his face was
as rcd as n beet, and he jumped up and
dOwnland fiOurished his arms like q wind
mill, and finally got voice to roar ont:
'Ill bet you nine hundred thousand
million quadrilliop dollars to that old back
comb in your hair! Mrs. BOwser, such as
sumption and assurance on your part is
unbearablem
Jane may hear you"
Jane be hanged, and you tool Mrs.
Gowser, | demand an apology for this in
sult!'
"Wait till | prove that Longfellow was
not an artist, but & poet"
'Pll give You n million dollars if you
do it,"
| got down the volume of poems by
LOngfellow which Mr.. BOwser had given
me q wear before, end then / went to the
encyclopedia and made a tight case on him.
He was at first inclined to give in, but di-
rectly he struck the table such a blow that
baby screamed out, and then shouted:
81 see how it is! You are looking for
LongfellOw all the time, and | distinctly
stated that it was LongfdIer, If the prin-
tiers have got drunk and left the name nj
am | to blame?n .
"Mr. BOwser, | believe | will say ] was
educated abroad. | will do it to please
you"
= 80! you will! Well, you needn't do
anything of the kind! Folks would all
know by your freckles that you sat in the
sun in some country school foundry! Mrs.
Bowser, you've broken up the peace Of this
tircside by your malicious conduct, and
you needn't sit up Tor me tonight. l may
not come home before Tomorrow