The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1887-01-22
Mr.. AND MRS. BoWsER.


MRS. Bowser, has it never occurred
to you to call me JudgeP"
"Never!' I promptly replied, for he
had complained of the biscuit at supper.
"Nor COLONEL"
"Nom
while 1 could probably have gone
to the Supreme Bench, or been COM
missioned Colonel" he softly con-
tinued, II did not care for the honor.
l am not one, Mrs, Bowser, to clutch at
titles in order to lift myself up, but I
didn't know but it might please you to
be known as Mrs. Judge Bowser."
81 don't want the title"
every well, Mrs. Bowser. If you
have no care for social distinction I'm |
sure I haven't, If your ambition is to |
plank yourself in the house with that
wall-eyed baby and pay no attention to |
the demands of society might as well |
join another lodge"
l felt a bit conscience-stricken over
the way had acted, and after awhile I
went out and told the cook to call him
Judge when she came in with the last
scuttle of coal. When she came she
managed to bump him to give her an
excuse for saying: "Excuse me, Con-
stable-excuse metz
There was a solemn silence for five
minutes after she left the ROOM Then
Mr. Bowser observed:
Perhaps, on the whole, Mrs. Bow
ser, it would be as we'll not to attempt
to call me by any title. Hired help is
so stupid, you know"
On late occasion, as our Preside was
a scene of peace and happiness, Mr..
Bowser softly remarked:
Mrs. Bowser, whenever it comes
handy you'd better throw out hints to
your lady friends that you were edu-
Gated abroad"
"WhyP"
"Well, it will increase their respect
for YOU"
"But was educated in the little red
school house at Perryville, you know,
and have never been out of the State"
Don't talk so loud, as Jane may be
listening! T told a friend only the
other day that l was educated abroad,
and had been through all the art gal
leries of Europe"
"What place did you say you studied
atP"
Zanzibar"
"Why, my dear, that's in African
at isl Now that shows what you
know! Zanzibar is in Germany. Mrs.
Bowser, l don't want to crow over you
on the subject of education, but wher
you display such lamentable Ignorance
of geography l have to feel glad thai
my school days were not wasted"
Il say it's in Africa!'
"Mrs. Bowserl"
"And I'll prove it by my atlas!'
eff you do I'll give you fifty dollars
in CASH."
I got out the atlas, and there, over
on the east coast of the Dark Continen
was Zanzibar, as every school-chilC
knows.
"Tll take that fifty" Iquietly re
marked.
"No, you won't! Some fool of a map
maker has gone and got drunk anC
mixed things up, and I'm not going tt
pay for it. When 1 know that Zanzi
bar is in Germany l know itjust as vel
as the atlas or anybody else"
"Did this friend of yours ask yol
what old master you preferredP"
Eyes, a'am, and 1 was posted there
too. You may think l go sloshinI
around with both eyes shut and m,
tongue hanging out, Mrs. Bowser, bu
that's where you are dead lame. tol'
, him Longfeller."
"Mr. Bowseri"
= "What now! You don't spOse
> said Sam Patch or Buffalo Bill, d
your"
but Longfellow was not painter a
!. all, he was a poet"
J. He drew in his breath until his fac
i was as red as beet, and he jumped u
and down and fourished his arms lik
u windmill, and finally got voice t
= roar out:
! "Tn bet you nine hundred thousan
. million quad7illion dollars to that oil
I back comb in your hair! Mrs. Bowsel
5 such assumption and assurance on you
C part is unbearable!"
|, Jane may hear YOU"
Il Jane be hanged, and you, too! Mr.
u Bowser, 1 demand an apology for tn
~ INSULT"
. "Wait till 1 prove that Longfello
d was not an artist, but poet"
/ "I'll give you million dollars if yO
. do it"
1 got down the volume of poems /
Longfellow which Mr.. Bowser ha
y given me year before, and then Iwel
= 10 the encyclopedia and made a tigl
- case on him. He was at first incline
~ to give in, but directly he struck Il
10 tabla such n blow that baby screamI