The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-11-17
Glashea of fun.

"GuDOl1S nave YOU ucdIu NAV CHc 1dt-
est luxury is?"
"No. what is it?" .
why. it's the one you enjoy last.
Good evening."-DanviMe Breeze.
"George, DEAR" she said r~eproachfnlly,
as she chung fondly,around his neck, "why
will you eat raw onions when you know
YOU are coming to see me2" "Merely to-
test your love, my precious" replied
orge.-EPoch.,
Fond Wife-Would you believe that
Mrs. Eccles, next door, speaks seven Ian
Fond Husband-Certainly L would;
she's got tongue enough to speak fifty
Harper's Bazor'. %.@
Old lady-conductor, [ hope there amt
going to be a collision.
Q Conductor2I guess no.
= Old LADY, want you to be very keer-
full, I've got two dozed eggs in this basket.
-7eras SlJHngs. "ei-g r-~
Traveller (o negro)-"WiH that dog
bite? ?" Negro-"Doan know, 1sar; bet
ter come in an see. Dog amt had much
'sparience." Traveller gets over thefence
and the dog bites him, -"You triAing
rascal you Negro-"Said dat I didn't
know. Eff yer axes me now I ken tell
yer. [ blebes, sab, dat he will sorter
jite.'-4rkansoaO Truvezer. "
"You'd better look out" said Johnny's
big sister, cor I'll tell mother on you"
Il don't care"
"Ch, you NAUGHTY boy, I know better
than that"
Il don't care if We do go tell 'er, cause
mas got the rhumatism today, and it
won't be comfortable for her to turn me
over her knee."-lerchant Traveller.
Lady Of the house: "You say you
| want to 60 to the matinee Wednesday? ?"
Kitchen lady: "Yessum."
Lady of the house: "What play are
you going to see?"
Kitchen lady: II don't know the name
of it, mum, but I seen the picture where
one man was a standin' on two others
and wavin' Of a sword."-MnneapoHs
Journal.
"Oh, Mrs. JONES'" said a visitor at lunch,
chow prettily you have marked the edge
of this tart! Do you use a machine? ?"
"Oh, no." returned Mrs. Jones. "But
Mary did that. I will ring the bell and
ask her what she used" Bell rings. En-
ter Mary.) "That, mum?" said Mary in
reply to question. "Why, 1 done it with
your old set of false teeth, mum; 1 found
'em lying about, and" General disper-
saD.
Omaha Dame-So you are named after
your father? [ suppose, though, your
mamma has some pet name for you.
Little Boy-No. She calls me Will,
same as she does papa.
"When she is in another room and calls
I don't see how you can tell which one
she means, you or your paper"
ooh, that's easy enough. She always
calls me kind O coaxing, you know
Omaha World.
Smith: Il say, Dumley, you nave had
some experience in love affairs, and l
want your advice. There is a pretty lit
tie widow in Harlem whom l devotedly
love. In paying my addresses how often
ought [ to call upon herr"
Dumley: "She is a widow, you say?'
Smith: eyes"
Dumley: "Seven nights in the week,
my boy, with a Wednesday and Saturday
matinee. '-Epoch.
James A. Stewart, a clerk in a Kansas
drug store, has been sentenced to seven
teen years and four months imprisonment,
and in addition will have to pay a fine OF
$40. 800 with cost. He was convicted Of
violation of the liquor law of the State.
After James has served his term IN prison
and has handed over the fine money 1t IS
more than likely that he will display this
notice done in big letters in front Of his
drug store: "Positively no winking at
the soda fountain allowed"
Omaha Teacher-Yes, my children, re-
member there is no human love equal to
a mothers love.
Little Girl-Womens love thoir chill
drens lbetter than their husbands, don't
they Pr.
yes, indeed. When we get the hic-
coughs gets sorry and tries to
cure 'em, but when papa gets the hlc-
coughs she gets mad. Omaha Uoafd.
A few months ago an old gentleman
was seen mailing a notice on a fence on
the south side of Austin avenue A friend
passing said: "Why don't you have the
notice put in the daily paper, where peo-
pie can read. it?' "Well," said the: old
gentleman, elf I took it to the newspaper
office them newspaper fellers would getlt
spelled wrong and then somebody would
think 1 didd't nave no edication." The
notice read: "Howze fur rent encholr
on preymises. "-7eros SsJtings.
E;,,+ CL;,,no Mon q hear there is to