The Kimball graphic. (Kimball, Brule County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1905, 1887-01-14
CAUGHT A TARTAR.

fashion. He was rather tall, we'll built,
elegantly dressed, but yet did not seem
to be happy. He seemed to be absent
minded, and there was on his face a
careworn look. A stout gentleman,
about ten years older than the young
gentleman with the sad, careworn ex-
preston, was coming from the opposite
direction. He stopped and exclaimed
heartily:
'Why, John, how do you do, my
dear boy? Have you forgotten your
old friendp"
doctor, 1 declare 1 didn't see you
until you spoke.
And yet you were looking right at
me. Don't apologize, for L m not going
to reproach you. When man mar
ries one Of the prettiest girls in New
York-and one who is rich besides-it
is no wonder he fails to recognize his
friends when he meets them on the
street"
doctor, am not going to dispute
with you, for admit that l am little
absent-minded. 1t is very true that
am very happy. but"
But! What do you mean by that
qualifying word? Are there any nit
igating circumstances, so to speak?"
No, 1 can't say that there are,
but"
"There it is again. OF course, 1
don't want you to give anything away,
but if you have any trouble, you can
confide it to an old friend with perfect
safety. Perhaps /, being doctor, can
suggest a remedy"
II would be perfectly happy if it
were not for my wife's mother. She is
devotedly attached to her daughter.
They are as much together as if they
were Samese twins. have been mar
ried a whole week, but have not been
alone with my wife five minutes since
the ceremony. fully intended to take
bridal tour, but when Mrs. Swiftly
said she would go along, to take care of
us, l changed my mind. When l want
to travel for misery, instead of pleas
nre, l can drive an undertaker's wagon.
The truth is, my dear doctor, that it is
with much difficulty that can persuade
myself that am really married"
THAT is bad state of things. 1
don't see how any remedy can be ap-
piled. but perhaps your mother-in-law
may marry again. She is upwards of
forty. l suppose, although nobody
would think so to look at her. Widows
are like young babies. The first six
months they cry a great deal. the
second six months they begin to take
notice, and they experience great
deal of difficulty in getting through the
second summer. Without meaning
any disrespect to your worthy mother
in-law, 1 venture the prediction that
she will marry again, and then you
will be liberated. In this country the
marriageable age for women runs from
twelve to 1872
'Don't mention such thing, doctor,
as Mrs. Swiftly marrying"
.Why not?''
my wife is to inherit all her moth
er's property. If she marries again /
may be left out in the cold. 1t makes
me shudder to hear you talk about
Mrs. Swiftly marrying"
"You are right. That would never
do. l wish could suggest some plan,
but don't see how can be of any use
to you"
You can help me doctor, and you
must, Call around at the house tn is
evening. My motherin-law is very
pleasant conversationalist. I know
you like good talker and the flavor of
a fine cigar. She don't object to smok-
ing. I've got Habanas in abundance.
You can entertain Mrs. Swiftly while
and my wife take little walk. You
are the very man 1 want. All you
have to do is to talk to my mother-in-
law for an hour or so. while l become
/ acquainted with my wife. You, too,
are a splendid conversationalist, and
SO full of wit and humor that you can
! get her SO interested in your converse
ton that she VIII not notice onr ab-
sencc. This is hideous fix am in.
know she means we'll, but her kind
ness is killing me. Do you know what
her kindness reminds me of?'
II can't imagine
"My mother-in law reminds me of a
tame bear who loved his master very
much. One day the bear saw fly on
his masters head, and thinking to do
his master favor, he struck q blow at
it and drove away the fly, but nearly
knocked his masters head off. My
mothcr-in-law imagines that being con-
stantly in the room with me and my
wife, that she is showing us great kind
ness, but I would prefer to have her
hit me on the back of the neck with q
rolling pin"
! ''My dear fellow, you know that l
dislike ladies' society,"
''Yes, know you are really a
woman-hater but wish you would do
me the iavor to come tonight and talk
to my moHler-in-law.
And the doctor, though he imagined
himself the heartiest of woman haters,
laughing agreed to come and for once,
at least, allow the young people the
coveted privilege of a few moments to
talk together without the presence of a
watchful guardian.
| Kimball lived with his wife and her
mother in "a charming villa on the