Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1887-11-05

The loudest wall on record onah'k
WHAT perfume is most injurious to
female beauty? The essence Of thyme
stime).
Some men who never had any advan-
tages when young are quick to take
one later on. = Terds Siftings.
SOME people make home the dearest
place on earth, while others are never
satisfied unless it is the cheapest.
THE fagman at the crossing
Is provided with rag
To flag train he can't allow
His watchfulness to flag.
In early Roman days man might
kill his wife for getting drunk. Now
be gets drunk and kills himself. Stiff
ings.
LANGUAGE was made to conceal
thought. A dude has no use for
language. then, for he has no thought
to conceal.
THERE'S always room at the top"
But there wouldn't be if everybody who
is up there was as big as he thinks him
self.-Boston Courier.
MOTHER (anxiously)-I'm afraid you
are giving the baby too much sugar.
James. Father-Not at all, my dear.
I want him to be full of grit-Boston
Courier.
IT is said that when Jay Gould was
a boy he used to lead the horses down
to the drinking trough. This indicates
that Jay began to water stock very
early in life.
"HAs that baby got the jaundice'"
asked cranky old bachelor OF young
mother. "Of course it hasn't. Why
did you think SOP" Because it is such
an ugly yeller."
"PAPA," said little boy, "why is the :
Pension Department of the Govern
ment called a bureau?" II don't know,
my son: unless it's because it has
so many drawers" = Newman hide
pendent.
BRowN-A villain has been swindling
a lot of folks down town. He passed
himself off as me, and gathered in
quite sum Of money. Fogg-Psssed
himself off as you'll Why, the rascal
must be lost to all sense of shame.
EMINENT Scientist The planetary
indications give assurance that there
will be no rain for the next three days"
Man with bunion (smiling with lofty
superiority)-There will be rain, sir, in
less than twelve hours. And there was.
A LEARNED professor, after writinga
long article, published in leading
says: II confess that I do
not know what produces laughter or
why we laugh" The professor has
doubtless been reading some of the hui
merous papers.-Arkansaw Traueler.
FIRST Girl-Of all things! You must
be crazy. The idea of marrying cir
Gus performer! Second Girl know
what am about, Mary. He makes his
living walking tight rope. "What of
that?" II have the satisfaction of
knowing that if he ever takes to drink
he will kill himself"
MARSHAL SoULr once, showing the
pictures he stole in Spain, stopped be-
fore one and remarked, II value that
picture very much; it saved the lives of
two estimable persons. An aide-de-
camp whispered in the listeners ear,
HE threatened to have them both shot
unless they gave it up"
STRANaER--So that is your chief
cook, eh' Strange! He looks healthy.
Hotel Man-Healthy! He hasn't lost
lay on account of sickness for years.
Remarkable, very remarkable" Some
people have an idea that cooks are big
eaters, but that isn't so. That man
'ats scarcely anything. Why, sir,
bout one-half the time he takes
nothing but crackers and milk" "Ahl
see. He doesn't cook the crackers
llIuS6lls -OMIUU VO1IU.
HOTEL Guest-I don't believe in this
modern custom of tipping. 1want you
o understand that. Waiter-Ps been
o school, sab, an l happen to know
here amt nothin' modern about it,
alb. The custom is as old as civiliza-
ion, sab. 20, come now" Fac, sab.
learned in history, sab, that one time
RICH man like you named Caligula
rent somewhere to supper, an it cost
i'm $4OO, 900 before he got through,
all By the way, sab. all the things
on ordered is out, sab. - Omaha
Vorld.
A DAKOTA man was travelling In the
asst and got into conversation with q
IAN who appeared to be capitalist
.fter some time the eastern man said: