davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1887-10-12
WORDS OF WISDOM.

Don't worry over troubles which have
not yet arrived.
Try to have an opinion of your own
and stick to it.
Make life ministry of love, and it
always be worth living.
AS the wax melteth before the fire, so
doth pride melt before love.
A man mnst not ask leave of his
stomach to be a happy man.
Take proper care of the child and the
man will take care of himself.
The value of life depends upon its
usefulness rather than its length.
Those who complain without cause
may soon have cause to complain.
If we are well, we feel young at sixty;
if we are sick, we feel old at thirty.
It takes longer for a man to find out
man than any other creature that is made,
One of the greatest blessings you can
enjoy is tender, honest and enlightened
conscience.
Sorrows are called clouds, but how
beautiful some clouds are when seen in
certain lights. i
When you find true friend keep him.
You will not come across very many as
you 60 through life.
Hope is like the sun, which, as we
journey toward it, casts the shadow Of
our burden behind US. =
A sound discretion is not so much indi.
Gated by never making a mistake IS by
never repeating it.
Every noble acquisition is attended
with its risks; he who fears to encounter
the one must not expect to obtain the
ofhor
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1887-10-12
No More For Him.

It was early in the evening, and oy
way of keeping up conversation she IN
quired: A.
care you fond of ice cream Mr.
SampsonW .o
ooh, yes," replied Mr.. Sampson, as ne
settled himself more firmly in his seat;
Sin fact, l stopped on my way mere Inls
evening and ate two dishes '"-As~ York
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1887-10-12
The Poultry Yard in Autumn.

T. Mistake is made sometimes by poultry
fanciers and those in the business as well,
in placing too many eggs under hen
for her brooding. No larger number
than nine can be set with perfect safety,
in the autumn; and, therefore, if it be
desirable to bring out many chickens,
the art of managing two or more sitting
hens at once should be acquired. In
such cases the fancier or breeder can put
two broods together, and, being careful
about the night shelter, there need be no
difficulty in accommodating so many
broods as shall number twenty to fifty
chickens to the attention of single
hen, particularly if the weather of the
season be reasonably mild and settled.
Late chicks should be cared for by
their mother until a few weeks old,
when they can be placed together in a
well-sized box the open sides of which
are covered over with coarse wire
netting. The floor of the box should
be well-covered with fresh soil, and
have simply made brooder at one end,
for the little things to run un-
der at night. Give the box place in
the kitchen, for the chicks can't get un-
der your feet, nor can rats or cats dis
turb them; set box and contents out in
the sun when it shines warmly; change
soil frequently, feed and watch brood
carefully. In this way it will not be
difficult to raise all successfully.
Do not keep too many old hens. Sc
lect reliable sitters and mothers, as many
as are needed for tina. purpose. Dispose of
the rest, and keep early hatched spring
pullets to lay in fall and winter.
For keeping brooding hens cleanly, in
vest in good bunch Tobacco leaves; put
few leaves under the sitting hens, and
scatter them around the fowl house; tie
some punches on the sides also, and
there will be no trouble from vermin. -
american AgricuItarist.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1887-10-12
A Sign That Worked Both Ways.

s1'm not the least superstitious," said
lady in the street car to her escort,
s'but there is one sign that I've never
known to fail. If 1 see the new moon
over my left shoulder Pm just as sure to
have bad luck as can be, and if I see it
over my right shoulder I always have
good luck"
THAT is very remarkable"
"Isn't it. Now last month I saw the
moon over my left shoulder, and the
very next day I went out riding on
Dolly and she threw me. Wasn't that
awful luck?"
"It was, indeed. Did you ever know
it to work the other way2"
"Certainly, have. I saw the moon
over my right shoulder this month, and
the other day when I was out driving,
and the horse overturned the carriage, 1
didn't even get hurt, although might
have been killed. Oh, I'm sure it never
fails.-Merchant Traveller.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1887-10-12
BUDGET OF FUN.
SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
A Hot Wave For the EskimO-Obey'
ing Instructions-He Did Not
Get tAway-Enthusiasm
Squelched, Etc.

The Eskimo sits on his porch Of ice
While the sweat from his brow falls ant
freezes,
He fans himself with his hat and exclaims:
''Oh, how this hot spell doth squeeze us!'
He thrusts his bare feet into the snow,
And says: II will die hero,
For who can live when the mercury's up
10 fifty degrees Of zero!
eff it gets much hotter there'll be thaw,
And I'll burn UP, sure as blazes;
It's terrible thing for fellow to melt
And never leave any traces
Well have warm meals before long, fear,
And the seal-oil soon will soften;
The air is torridly horrid, would
were in my ice-hewn coffin.
"My walrus suit have laid aside,
But still awfully suffer,
I wish I was nearer the north pole now,
Or that to heat were tougher"
The thermometer points to forty-fve,
And with burning fears it fills him
The very blood in his veins thaws out,
Circulation sets in, and it kills him.
-Tid-B Bits.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1887-10-12
Made From Potatoes.

It has been stated that substance re
sembling ivory, of great hardness and
creamy whiteness, can be made from
potatoes. The tubers must be of good
quality, and after being washed in di-
lutcd sulphuric acid, are boiled in the
same liquid until they form dense ana
solid mass. They are then freed from
the acid and slowly dried. The artificial
ivory can be dyed and turned in the
lathe, and applied to any of the uses for
which real ivory-now becoming so
usually employed.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1887-10-12
Obeyine Instructions,

Old Lady Ito grocer's boy).-"Dont
you know, boy, that it is very rude to
whistle when dealing with ladyi"
Boy-"That's what the boss told me
to do, num-"
Old Lady-"Told you to whistler"
Boy-"Yes, IN. lie said if we ever
sold you anything we'd have to whistle
for the money" y."-Bazar.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1887-10-12
His w Oe.

Said the mother: "The earth is sunny,
All nature is blithe and glad!
And you, my son, are looking =
, Down-hearted, glum and sad."
"Nly soul is stricken with anguish,
I'm not myself to-day;
Il can not sing the old songs
fly from all that's gay"
"Oh, why this gloom-eyed sorrowT'
His worried mother cried;
"My secret I'll unbosom,"
The dutiful son replied.
"a mules kicked out my front teeth"
Then, with wailing sob;
81 can't eat corn off the cob, mother!
Icap't eat corn off the cob"
--R. K Munkitrick,
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1887-10-12
Enthusiasm Suuelched.

Enthusiastic Citizen (about to visit
Europe)-"How delightful it will be to
tread the bounding billow and inhale the
invigorating oxygen of the Sc. the sea,
the boundless sea! / long to ee. it! to
breathe in great draughts of life giving
air. shall want to stand every moment
on the Prov of the steamer with my mouth
open"
Citizens Wife (encouragingly)--"You
probably will. That's the way all the
ocean travellers do"
A detected silence ensues.-Detrcit
Free Press.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1887-10-12
He Did Not Get Away.

"You never drink or smoke, do you,
George, dear2" she said. "You know I
could never marry a man who drinks and
smokes"
George, in a broken-hearted tone of
voice, admitted that he did smoke and
drink little, and turned togo
But pair of white, twenty-seven- year
old arms were around his neck in mo-
ment.
"Never mind, George" said the girl :;
"perhaps my wifely influence will induce
you to give them up."-New York Sun.
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1887-10-12
Too Lonesome.

A prisoner once escaped from Jail,
70 catch him did detectives fail;
Ho Tounrl q store-this fellow wise
4 store that did not advertise,
And there he sat, quite free from care,
He knewlp one would seek him there.
After, perhaps, a year or more,
Again he sought the prison door; :,
Gave himself up-"That store" he said :,
"Was lone as graves that hold the dead"
The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1887-10-12

"How can you get on without talking
to him2"
"Well, you see, Sir Robert, he's
dead"
He was .escorting the body of dead
Mandarin to his family place.-San Fran
cisco Chronicle.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-06-17
Advice to Old M an.

In the matter of advice, old men
have been neglected. Young men,
girls, married women and boys have
all received the philanthropic atten-
ton of newspaper writers. but ii
seems that no one has the m TO drop
a few useful hints to the man who has
done so much for the world. The fol-
lowing suggestions are freely given:
Old men should be careful of their
health. They should not 90 to the
theatre in damp weather. without q
sh rt. 1t is also advisable to wear
something on the feet.
Old men will find it to their interest
not to remain on railroad track until
after train has passed. Well-read
physicians now generally agree that
heavy freight trains, especially late
at night, are hard to digest.
Old men. especially in a cold ci-
mate, should not go in swimming until
after the first of January. nor recline
on ice in the evening.
An old man should marry very
young woman. II teaches him that
there Is nothing in life after all. and
reconciles him TO death.
BY observing these and other rules.
some old men have attained grea
age.-ArkdnsdU Traveller.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-06-17

fifteen. but the towels are more clam
my and the bay rum is rather more of
chestnut, judge.
Suffice il that am not going to con
tinue the course of economy that had
inaugurated for the year, for | am OPP
posed To the boarding and accumulation
of a surplus. Money is tending too
much towards Capitalization any way
and | do not want TO encourage it,
While | may not be able 10 secure
the books which | contemplated buying
with my savings, can visit the Cham
Der of Horrors at the Musee and inn
prove my mind in such ways by actual
observation.
We do not get all our education from
books. We may easily obtain many re-
fining and enrolling ideas from other
sources than from the mustv tones
which decorate the shelves of our IL
braries.
One of the brainiest men | ever knew,
if | may be allowed the temporary use
of that term, a man who had succeed
ed in amassing quite fortune as a re-
suit of native shrewdness and know
ledge of human nature. once admitted
to me in sudden burst of confidence.
inspired perhaps by too much wine,
that he had never read either of my
books. And yet he had concealed tn
gross ignorance for five years and
amassed fortune. While this is a sad
commentary on American galvanized
1t still shows that man
may be almost criminally ignorant in
this country and yet acquire scads.-
Bill Aye, IN NeW York World.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-06-17
How Not to Talk to Children.

One day we sat in II car seat on a
Southern railroad. behind pale, care.
worn lady, who was talking to little
boy As the little boy was of
very inqniring mind, and every
thing seemed to attract his atten-
ton, could not help listen ne to some
of his questions.
What is that. Auntie?' the little
boy commenced pointing to a stack of
hay.
60 that's hay, dear answered
the careworn lady.
What is hay, Auntie?'
'Why, hay is hay. dear.
"But what is it made OFF,
"Why. hay is made of dirt and water
and air
WHO makes it?'
God makes il, dear
docs he make it in the daytime or
in the night?'
In both, dear
And Sundays?'
Yes all the time.
"Ain't it wicked to make hay on
Sunday. Auntie?"
90, don't know I'd keep still,
Willie, that's dear boy; Auntie is
tired. "
After remaining quiet a moment
Willie broke out
Where do stars come from,
Auntie?"
II don't know; nobody knows"
did the moon lay emp"
Yes, guess so" replied the wick
ed lady.
"Can the moon lay eggs, too?"
II suppose so. Don't bother me. y
Another short silence, when Willie
broke out:
Il tn nix whale could lay eggs
don you, Auntie?"
30, yes, guess So" said the shame
less woman.
Ibid you ever see whale on his
nest?'
guess SO'
WhereP"
II mean no. Willie, you must be
quiet; | am getting crazy
What makes you crazy, Auntie?"
90 dear; you ask so many ques-
tons"
Ibid you ever see a little fly cot
sugar.
Yes, dear"
"Where?"
Willie, sit down on the seat and be
still or FL shake you. Now, not an
other word. -
And the lady pointed her finger
sharply at the little boy, as if she were
going to stick it through him. Ii she
had been wicked woman she would
have sworn. There are eight million
little boys like Willie in the United
States. and half as many in England. -
1er0s SUtings.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-06-17

The Chicago lnter-Ocean gives the
following incidents in the life of Rev.
Gran lille Moody, better known as 1.-The
fighting parson, who died recently at
Mount Vernon, Iowa: At Stone river,
Moody was in the very center of the
troops that had been massed 10 repel
the attack, and as the attacking force
came on he raised in his stirrups, and,
looking down on the splendid array of
disciplined men, said solemnly with
uplifted hands and with his old minis
terial earnestness. MAY God have
mercy on those men" \ few minutes
later the white haired parson was
charging with his men into the hot
fury of one OF the iiercest struggles OF
the war. shouting at the top of his
tremendous voice, Give them Hail
Columbia, boys. The morning
that the death of Lincoln was announc-
ed, Moody was at Columbus, Ohio, and
he was among the first to reach the
bulletin board on which appeared the
announcement. The fighting parson
strobe through the crowd of half
dressed AMI frightened people and.
taking in the full meaning of the dis
patch. uncovered his head and began
to pray. 1t was wonderful invOca-
ton. the visible breaking, as it were,
of a stout and patriotic heart What
regan as a prayer to God changed into
an imprisoned speech to men, eloquent
as he had never been before, urged
faithfulneSs to the Union cause and
loyal support of the distrusted Andy
johnson.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-06-17
How To Write a Love Story.

Now bring me a maid that is plump and dark
And bring me a maid that is tall and fair:
One must be gay as meadow lark,
One with grave aud queenly air
And sort OF heightened, stately stare.
A man, old, rich, aud a perfect fright
man that is young and dcbonnair;
And 10! the story that will write.
Bring me a summary moonlit park,
Bring me house In a handsome square,
One in the country kind of ark
or refuge for lovers; some mad despair
Duty, temptation, and grief and care
To take the edge off loves delight,
few odd peope from here and there
And 10! the story that | will write.
Bring me trip In a treacherous bark
A wreck in the midseas any where.
Bring me a duel, heaven save the mark
reunited and happy pair,
gown from Worth's for the bride to wear
And bring fate as dark as night
For all the bold, bad ones to share
And 10! the story that will write.
ENVOY.
Bring ink and pen to my easy chair,
or paper ream all fair and white
publisher ready to do aud dare,
And lol the story that | will write.
-Carlottd Perry
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-06-17

The following statement of Gen.
Washington 5 farm possessions appears
in an almanac of 1899: General Wash.
ington possesses 10000 acres of land in
one body, whore he lives; constantly
employs 2l0 hands keeps % plows 90
Ing all the year, hen the weather will
permits sowed in 1877 GOO bushels OF
oats, 700 acres of wheat, and prepared
as much corn, barley, potatoes beans,
peas etc; has near 500 acres in grass,
and sowed l5) with turnips. Stock
40 horses, IL COWS, 235 working oxen,
heifcrs and steers and 500 sheep. The
lands about his seat are all laid down
in grass; the farms are scattered around
at a distance Of two, three, four or five
miles, which the general visits every
day unless the weather is absolutely
stormy. He is constantly making va.
rious and extensive experiments for the
Improvement of agriculture. He is
stimulated with that desire which al
ways actuates him to do good to man
kind In 1856 he killed $50 hogs,
weighing $500 pounds, for his family
use, exclusi of provisions for his Ne
groes which was made into bacon
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-06-17

The Northumberland report of a
scheme to land thousands of convicts
and paupers from New Caledonia and
points in the South Pacific at the ports
of California and Oregon should arouse
the authorities there to increased watch
fullness. The country can stand it's an
nual dose of honest immigrants, but it
has no room for the off-scouring ele-
ments of either Europe or the South
Pacific islands.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-06-17

up and keep them here TO humble him
when he gets to feeling too good. He
is pretty good sort of a fellow. but in
venting isn't his strong point If he
ever gets to blowing about cunning or
fishing nowadays we just lay one of
those heads on the bar and he turns
red as boiled shrimp and shuts up
like land turtle.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-06-17

General Clinton b, Fisk. VIII presided
during the larger part of the Inter
national Sunday-school convention at
Chicago, told as usual, some good
stories. A New Yorker added $500 to
make New York's contribution to the
Sunday school Union round 81 90.
Mr.. Fisk made the following comment:
1--WE are glad to see New York moved
to such good works, and it would please
New Jersey to see Philadelphia doing a
little more in that line | once went
to camp meeting in New Jersey, and
an old minister there led in prayer, and
delivered pretty ong speech in his
prayer, as ministers are sometimes in
the habit of doing He thanked the
Lord for the progress that was being
made in the temperance work, and said
that the jersey folks were usually
pretty sober people. Then lifting his
eyes TO heaven. he said % Lord. thou
who vast cruciicd with a thief on
either side, have mercy upon New
Jersey, with New York on one side and
Philadelphia on the other
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-06-17
How He Humors His Prejudices,

| know temperance Deacon who
objects TO using wine at the communion
service at his church He is also averse
to water. What does he do? Why
every Saturday before the sacrament
of the Lords Supper is to be admins
tered he buys several pounds of the
best raisins, taxes them TO his good
wife. who cooks them and strains off
the juice. This Liquid is served out in
small lots to the pensioners the next
afternoon. The church members make
wry faces as they sip the liquid. Salem
(Mdss.) NeUs.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-06-17
Popular Science.

Susie-"Oh, mamma, I'll never
disobey you again"
Mamma-"Why, Susie, what have
you done?'
Susie-"Well, drank my milk at
lunch and then ate-a pickle; and the
milk said to the pickle. Get out. and
and the pickle said. 4 won't and
they arc having an awful timer"-
LIFE.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-06-17

In Scribner's Magazine for July,
Professor ID. A. Sargent, NJ d., Of
Harvard College, who is the best au-
thority in this country on the general
subject of athletics, will publish. as the
fruit of many years practical expert
ence, his first extended article in that
field, under the title, The Physical
Proportions of the Typical Man" In
it Professor Sargent will give standard
Of physical measurement. based on the
measurements of ten thousand individ
uals. This furnishes basis Of COM
parison by which any person can gauge
his proportions with those of the typical
man. The article will contain charts
for this purpose, founded on these
observations
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-06-17

Pretzels Weekly: Der real treasure OF
dis worldt va, so schmall dot Teller
could shtuf EN- all on der outside in OF his
his heart.
Pomeroy's Democrat When we remem
Der only the good that we hear of persons
during the day, we are carrying pearls TO
God.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1887-03-21
Tie Coming Reunion.


A large committee, divided into many
subcommittee, has been appointed to az
range for tho big Reunion in August. The
Bub.commlttees arc ut work, or ought 10
be, laying out the plan OF campaign and
carrying out what has already been or.
dered.
AS numerous as tho committeeman arc
there are not enough OF thom to do all
that must be done il the affair is to be O
success. There ia work that cannot be
assigned 10 committees, work which must
be done, il at all, by the body OF the PEG.
pie.
Everybody must BIO willing TO 10 what.
ever he can to contribute to n handsome
success. We ought to make sure that
every visitor will feel that he has not
wasted his time and his money to come tc
Wheeling. We want to make every
stranger feel that he is regarded as a
guest, not as a bird 10 be plucked. II we
can make u favorable impression the yisi.
tors may be glad to come again, and it is
not impossible that we may secure the
Reunion for the following year.
Success will not be achieved by com
mittees alone, nc matter how hard thew
may work. We must have q long mil
and a pull altogether.
The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1887-03-21
He Wnsn't IL Newspaper Writer,

The Rev. DR.. Csulield, of Cork, emil
nent as An antiquarian, said on his death
bed, II do not regret anything I ever
wrote" II DR.. Caul6eld had written much
on live questions and men Of the day, on
sll sorts Of things and under Ill sorts OF
circumstances, he could not have laid that
flattering JUNCTION to his soul; certainly he
could not ii he had been o newspaper
writer.
~ The man-not angel-who writes every
day OF topics which occupy the attention
OF the average mind has much to regret
as he looks back. He regrets that in the
heat OF discussion he needleusly, and per-
haps unwlttingly, wounded some good
and senaitive man in q spot that will not
heal. He regrets that partisan zeal i'm
PEELED him to impugn motives, or question
the honesty, OF some ono whose gravsst
fault was that he did not agree with the
writer. st;
The newspaper writer regrets also that
ne dld not uncover some shams that were
spared for no. other reason than that the
uncoyering would have revealed men
whose stand!ng-so long as they were not
Htrlpped-was OF the head OF the social
heap; and he may oven have cause to re-
greet that by his writing he helped to cover
up Bome skeletons that ought to have
been exhibited to the public view. He
cannot help regrotting that he lot off some
respectable acoundrels with half the casti-
cation they merited.
One who writes about antiquities may
have the good fortune iof DR.. Caulfeld,
but the newspaper writer deals little
with the old except to illustrate the new,
and there ia where he piles up material
for regrets.