The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1887-12-08
THE MERRY SIDE!

WILL hoW'
'The New South'' means the old snake,
with its second wind.
The shrewd Minister will omit all sermons on
lying, until after Christmas
The easiest head turned is a blockhead. But
it isn't always safe to say So
"Why was Han1on defeated?" Because Beach
did the fastest rowing, perhaps
The portrait of E. l.. Harper explains all his
misfortunes. He parts bis hair in the middle.
Herr Most swore that he "didn't believe in
God" and we're satisfied that the feeling is
mutual.
Carlisle says "the Tariff will be reduced this
session." And the Republican vote will be in
creased next fall.
A severe lady may "freeze" you with stony
stare--but always remember that mule will
do the same thing.
Young ladies are somewhat like caterpillers-
some of them will never be handsome until after
they have wings.
Harper couldn't "corner" all the wheat deal
erS, DuL ne mas crOWQeQ Twelve SOOQ men 1nCO
a corner in Cincinnati.
The Chicago Anarchists are talking loud
again, but Sheriff Matson has way of roping
them in at the right time.
SIS
Grady's disastrous attempt to introduce "The
New South" shows that he is not an expert at
nickel-plating old wares.
&x#
W. yUh rnn q n q
bloated. The Atlanta election proved that the
most eloquent thing is a jug.
-
A dispatch says "a number of distillers met
in Peoria, to form whisky trust" Why don't
they leave that TO their customers.
Robert Bonner sold the N. Y. Ledger to his
sons, for one dollar. So Robert has confessed,
at least, what the paper is worth.
The authorities should reflect that Anarch-
lists would do better in country where there is
more birthstone than there is here.
No for man to plead weak stomach at
this season of the year. The faky buckwheat
cake is good antidote for lying.
Will Mr.. Grady please inform the country,
through the Atlanta Constitution, whether
Gen. Gordon is coming to Ohio next Year,
A N. Y. banker, it is said, "will put up ten
thousand dollars to help elect Cleveland" This t
beats any of Phil. Armour's Investments.
Our Democratic friends will please get some
Delilah to shear Lamar's hair, or place an in
verted ub-broom on the Supreme Bench.
"m"
Too many people are like cat with is head
in an old boot. They can't see the world, and
what the world sees of them is not pleasing.
man named "Blizzard" was found, MUIR
dered, in creek, at Greenville, Ohio. This
der.
"Naw sab! De ign'rance shaint rule de South,
sah" said the Georgia Democrat. Next day he
got "nigger" to write him an order for pint
of apple-jack.
Mitchell says he "will whip Sullivan, or be
carried out of the ring in pieces" His seconds
will perhaps come with half-bushel1 baskets
and four-tined forks.
Senator Riddleberger says "a poor man has
no more right to be in the U. s, Senate than an
iceberg in hell" That means, perhaps, that
he would soon be in hot water.
-
y
lect it, at once. He might die and cause you to
lose it, If he is rich you needn't expect it at
all.
The reason the world hates E. L. Harper is
not because the world regards him as a thief
but because it regards him as an unsuccessful
one.
Thirteen dead babies found in jars, in the GEL
lar of Jersey City Drug Store. That fellaw
must have been going to start s "wienerwurst"
factory.
The Cincinnati Jury couldn't agree as to Maj.
Goodspeed's sanity or insanity. Turn the Maj.
loose with his little sand-bag, and it will help
to a verdict.
A Times-Star reporter, Mortified, writes that
Josie Holmes ''buttoned 2. i. Harper's gloves,
at the Jail,'' Perhaps Miss Holmes didn't know
the reporter wanted to button them,
80
The story that Col. Nicholas Smith wanted
hundred and eighty dollars for standing up
with the groom at a wedding, indicates that
dudes are raising.
Anthony Comstock, Secretary of the "Society
for the Suppression of Vice." was expected in
Columbus, a day or two ago. His coming has
nothing to do with the meeting of the Legis-
lature.
Plymouth Church ought to "whack up" If
you send all the way to London for an old pill
to come over here to preach funeral, pay him
his seven hundred dollars.
The contest in Atlanta was q fe-and-death
struggle with some of the shrewder Democrats.
They knew that total abstinence and educated
colored men would soon settle their party in
Georgia.
A congregation at Newark, N. j., tried to de-
pose Rev. Hugh Penteeost for preaching in IA
vor Of the Anarchists. But he was sustained by
a majority on the final vote. The day of Pen
tecost had not come.
Paul Wolf OF Chicago, threatened to blow up
a policeman with bomb-but when asked
to pay fifty dollars and costs, declared he was
Wolf in sleeps clothing.
Sam Cary, the demagogue has been appointed
a clerk in the Cincinnati Postofice. The mails
should be delivered pneumatioally-sam could
furnish the wind.
North Carolina has removed the tax on
"Drummers." The Commercial traveller can
now travel free in the State-and take his
mouth along.
fT0aCuef---" w Gre All travelling oL III thO
lords appointed way. We're goin' to die; some
of goin to Heaven"-
Sleepy Deacon-"Amen ~
Preacher---"An' fear some of us are goin' to
Help
Sleepy Deacon---"Amen A-a-a-men !"
-
Oh, no-Democratic friends! You can't blame
the defeat of Prohibition in Atlanta to the
Lord. He had nothing to do with it. We are
Gyoiri will al
strive" and it isn't likely that the Lord will
lose much time in State with eighty thousand
Democratic majority.
Atlanta Whiskyites, to "Niggers"-"You are
men of Importance, good citizens. Come vote