The Irish standard., 1887-10-29
THE OLD cURMUDGEoN.
III. Quad Writes About Curious Ch,

| III. Quad Writes About Curious Char.
acter Well Known to Every Body.
You have seen people who seemed to
ache all over to make some one un.
happy? Just such an old curmudgeon
was on the train the other day when it
stopped at st. Thomas, and bridal
couple entered our car. We all knew
1t was bridal couple, because there
were friends down to see 'em off, and
I! the bride and groom stood there and
received the congratulations for four or
Eve minutes The bride looked bit
older than the groom, and the minute
the old curmudgeon noticed this he
slid over and planked himself in the
seat ahead Of them, and after minute
or two turned and said:
"Beg pardon, but can you tell me
who's funeral that was back therep"
"Why, there was no funeral!'' ex-
claimed the bride, in answer.
''Oh! I thought there was, y he said,
in q dry, sarcastic way, and he pre-
tended to read his paper for three OF
four minutes before turning again
with:
''4Are you taking your son to the sea-
shore, ma amp"
"No, sir. This is my husband!'
"Oh, it is9 I'd never have suspect
ed it!''
Then be went on for quarter of an
hour, telling about farm he owned
in Canada, and then suddenly in
quired:
"Young man, I'd like to have you
and your aunt go and see The farm and
make ME an offer for it.
The bridal couple turned white and
rsd and let go of hands for a moment,
while the old curmudgeon changed the
subject and began to talk about Mag
ara Falls.
"Ever there?' he asked.
Both shook their heads.
'.1'd advise you to stop off if you
have time. IT'S grand sight. I sup
pose, though, you want to arrive at
the same time with the hcdy. What
did be die of, ma amp
Ell don't understand you!'' she
stammered, in q painful way.
"Oh, beg pardon, T. somehow got it
into nay head that you had been to q
funera!, or were going to one, or some
such thing?'
He then related che particulars Of a
smash~np On the road in which he had
an arm broken and his wife was killed,
and added:
.'The sase is in court yet but I've
lost my marriage certificate and can't
prove she was my wife and don't ex-
pect to get any damages. I think
I understand you to say, ma 'ana, that
you have been married fourteen
years?'' :.
"Oh, no! no! sir?'
"Reg pardon, but perhaps it is only
uine OF ten. What was going to say
was that you ought to sacredly pre-
serve the certificate. I suppose You
have it with youp"
Bride and groom looked as each
other in consternations The document
hadn't been thought of in their hurry
and happiness.
*sWas reading of q case the other
day." placidly continued she old
wretch. 'stvbere q hotel-keeper had q
couple sent to prison for two years be-
cause they could mot show g marriage
certificate. -
The bride turned so rcd that it
seemed as If she would sufiocate, and
the groom 60 white that his ears
looked like new blotsing pads. That
was the last straw. Five or six Of ns
had been holding an indignation meat
ing few seats back, and Our delegate,
who had whipped his seventh man In
the prize-ring, now Went forward and
whispered in the old curmudgeon's left
! ear:
"Say, mister man, you let that couple
alone or I'll break your neck! This
thing has been carried far enough!'
"Certainly-~certainly,' said old
meanness, ae he got up. Excuse zne,
ma'am--and you, bub-and if you
should have any trouble with che corpse
in Buffalo, don't fail----''
The delegate choked him off there
and took him to the last seat in the car
and ian,med him down and warned
him to stay jamrned, and such looks OF
relief as stole over the faces Of that
bridal couple never expect to see
again on earth Detroit Free Press.