The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-05-18
BRIGHT BITS.

MARTYRS in the olden time were burned at the
stake. In these days martyrs hire a hall and
lecture.-Pittsb,erg Dispatch.
MrNIsTER-'I wish you could do something
with the choir to stop that constant chewing OF
gum. It's detestable''
Leader-"No, it isn't; it's spruce. Judge
WHEN man complained about hotel with
no means of getting out in case of fire, Popkins
said that he didn't care for means to get out of
a hotel. What he needed was means for staying
there.-Terds Sifti'lgs.
You know, Miss Fitzjoy," said Young Small
witte, I've got a very good thing to tell you
''Oh, / m delighted. What is IT pleaSe!"
I'm engaged to be married, you know to
Miss"
Well, am more than delighted was so
afraid that you were going TO propose to me- -
Hartford Post.
APPEARANCES are very deceiving. A little boy
at the opera, who noticed the gentlemen look
ing through their opera glasses at the dancers
was of the notion that the opera glasses were
for an entirely different purpose. He said:
Mamma, buy me one of those things, so / can
cover up my eyes with it when those women
come on the stage. THE BdltimOredn.
FIRST OMAHA PATRIoT-Say, why didn't you
vote for my brother Bill:
Second Omaha Patriot-Because he amt no
statesman.
mo statesman, Ell? Why he's kept a saloon
in Omaha for ten years. No statesman, eh?"
Hes no statesman say it again. Right
back of his bar he's got up big, ugly sign: No
Trust. '"-OmqhG World.
A 4YEAR-oLD TOT to-day invited three older
playmates into an ice cream saloon, where she
magnificently ordered four plates of cream.
When the delectable food had been eaten she
calmly proceeded to walk out of the place with
out paying for it, The proprietor stopped her
Looking up in his face in the most innocent
manner in the world she lsped: Il amt got
any money, sir. I'll pay you when I'm mar
ried Philadelphia Nerrs.
WHEN your wife employed a cross-eyed girl
whose talent is TO Shirk,
Who takes four afternoons a week and never
does her work -
Who talks back constantly, and her dire clatter
Who wears an apron spotted Ger with stains of
dirt and grease;
Whose grammar is distinguished by its most
surprising badness
You may think your wife is crazy.
But there's method in her madness.
Merchant Traveller.
81 RECKON well have to give up the idee of
putin pictures in the parlar, Miranda" re-
marked Jeremiah Turnipseed, as he threw the
bride under the table.
"Whyf" asked Miranda.
. TOO DEAR Why, priced one at the city to-
day, and the dealer seq seq he: That's an old
master; its price is $4,000 Why seq |. 1T
looks like a second hand pictur' Yes, it is,
seq he. Then, thinks 1, if a secondhand pictur
costs that much it's no use to price new I'm.
So, Miranda, reckon wei have TO hang up a
few notices. God Bless Our Home and the
like. and let the picturs go."-Pittsburg Chroni-
Gle Telegraph.
Poor but Honorable Young Mani want to
marry your daughter sir. Ia
Rich Father-Ah. Have you spoken to the
young lady?
II have"
And she is wilingY' ~
Provided you are"
"And if say nor
well ah-er-do you ever play cards, my
dear sir?'
What has playing cards to do with the mar
rage of my daughteryn 81
Nothing in particular. 4 merely desire to use
the game as an illustration."
well, yes; play occasionally"
and after you play one card are you in the
habit Of Showing your opponent the rest of your
handy" ,.sF.-
Young man. you can have the girl and wei
come. "-Pittsburg Dispatch