The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-07-19
ELUSIVE PAPER DOLLARS.
,dventures of One Who Tried TO Ex.
change Silver Tor Paper.
From PucE.

,ointing TO every SuDScrlDeT.
IN tbc course OF the day my wife's re-
most came to my mind, and accordingly
,..rote the necessary letter to the presiding
,,,rius OF the aforesaid publication, and
srSon Of course, I had to inclose the dollar.
t,,Eali | get d postal motel No, that costs
- and this thing is costing enough al
,odv Ha! Il didn't say "Ha,n | only
,,L@1irft it; but it looks well in print.) I
',,;Ii procure a 81 bill, and, verify, it shall
,',.,l the purpose of Il postal note, I'M
las some unworthy and covetous vassal OF
,no Post Office Department doth lay hold of
me envelope with voracious clutch and alb
,,r,rt the bill therefTCm but there are risks
io,n ehings earthly. Il didn't soy any of
.hnt nlthor because thero was no one to
,oy it to; but it all passed through my
niud)
Vnv had numerous silver coin of the de-
domination of 81 about my person; but
hol no pronlissOry note of our esteemed
rslliive. Uncle Sam, for that amount.
,yonld lust step down stairs and get bill in
exchange for a silver dollar at one of the
stores.
store A gaZelle-eyed clerk with a protrud-
inc forehead was doing up dollars worth
nj Trbt-brown sugar and two bars of soap
for benovolent-l looking old lady with a
large basket.
MAY | trouble you to exchange a dollar
hill for a silver dollar!n | asked in that blind
tono that has made our family famous in
legislative halls. He looked right through
me at the stove and said pleasantly:
"Hantgotany--do you prefer this mot
tied or the Imperial clear soap, Mrs. Jaw
sou"
-, 10 with tho 10
hangs. TO whom / preferred my request, re-
fared me with an imperious wave of her
ioveled hand to the cashier. To that mighty
potentatc | said:
NAV trouble you to exchange dollar
bill fora silver dollar:'
Nav, We don't keep silver dollars for
dollar bills
.But / want a dollar bill for silver dol
lar"
30, Well, we don't keep them, either"
Ibid not insist upon it.
then tried without success three dry
goods emporiums, six retail grocery stores,
four confectioners, two banks and a cigar
store. The majority of the tradesmen
came in contact with would look at me in a
sad reprOachful, half-suspiciOus sort of a
way, when | made my want known, that
had been less determined would nave melt
ed me into buying at least 50 So worth of
something | didn't want at almost every
store.
At the cigar store quailed. The quail
season had just begun.) The young man
who was persulng the pink columns of the
Police Gazette at the back end Of the store
came forward so promptly when l ratified
my dollar on the showcase, and with such
an imploring ''strong or mild" look on his
ingenious countenance, that | involuntarily
shuddered. 4 had heard of people doing
that before; that's why did it, My heart
was touched. do not smoke-it makes me
sick and gives me heart-buIn-but | said
calmly:
Give me % cents worth of those in
the corner-those with the red-paper belt
on. "
There was real pretty picture on the
box-COver, too he gave me three OF the
cigars and left
| felt homeless and alone in the world !;
every passer-by seemed to regard me with
suspicious stare, as if | were body-Snatcher
or Doodle Alderman. | would have paid
double the price of admission just then to
have seen the face of friend; but though
have lived in that city for many years,
not familiar face could see. | was about
TO depart in sadness and a bob-tail car to
my Office, which had left mile behind lit
may seem queer that l did not leave my
OlllCt III llOlU VI lie "ICl0 l. COllIL WAUGH
but did not. when | saw the smiling
countenance of very short and very wide
German gentleman standing across the
street at the door of his lager beerery.
am very impulsive, and my impulser at
once started me across the street in his di-
recton
Here, thought, is a man and brother,
benevolent, certainly; a retailer of malt
and spirituous beverage, certainly; and per-
haps-stranger Things have happened-he
has paper dollar in his till. By the time |
lad thought all that out with my customary
care | was in hailing distance of him; but |
didn't hail him, don't know how to hail. |
only said:
How do you do, sir?'
He looked at me with calm, contempla-
tive gaze, and said:
"Wegatesl"
At the termination Of this conversation
we both went in and had some beer. l felt
better then-I could smile at my desolation
OF few moments ago. We beered again.
Things, as many things as | could see, be-
gan to assume a brighter hue. would make
another effort to get that dollar.
said:
"Mr. Schlieffenheimer that was the most
of his name), do you happen to have dol
lar bill in the drawer thereW
"NI-nnn- mm-m-hahN remarked Mr..
Schilcifenhcimer, pleasantly.
Have you got a dollar bill in your
moncy-drawerg"
Again that UNDERSIGNED look of distl1lst.
'N"li ind vot il L hat" querled this port
~ GJnynedc.
""ny, ION see, lave been looking for
one tIl hast two houis; want to use one"
~ Min Ciott. You t'ink let some
podr> moneys, eh! Vot you take
ne Tor
But YOU don't understand me. i want
you 70 give ME "a dollar bill, paper money,
you know, for this silver dollar"
Mr. 5. became needlessly excited at this
point.
of you don'd leaf mein blaze melt your
confidence skin games l ring der batrol vag-
on up NIT YOU"
BY the way Mr. Schlieffenheimer's eyes
snapped, and the vigor with which he wiped
Inc vagrant beer foam from his counter, l
Judged he was prepared to execute this
threat. As a last desperate chance, said,
with as much impressive solemnity as l
could muster:
My friend, | will give you these two sill
yer dollars for one-dollar bill. +"
lie spoke not, but the energetic manner in
which he reached for the bung-starter was
so suggestive of an intention 10 do me bodi-
y harm that retreated toward the door.
MI. >. followed, and in a choice selection of
some of the most inelegant but forctble cpl
.hets, from both the German and English
language, and with the most appalling ilu-
ehcy, gave me to understand that would
better exercise my nefarious calling in some
9tner place than his; and as backed to the
uOOr | was met nv "a larOa rpd-nOSed, navy