Western cyclone., 1887-07-08
THE MAN WITH A GUN.


WHEN must Time hang up bis Scythe?-
when he shall be no mower.
THE Spring carpet-cleaning season is one
of our dearest domestic ties.
FREEZING weather touches the nose, but
the thaw triumphs over toes.
ENGLISH court dockets appear 20 be alb
normally swelled with scandal.
FLORIDA is passe this season. She can
furnish no t0bOggan slides for visitors.
PRESIDENT CLEvELAED's connubial pol
icy is the most striking and commendabIe
thing about his administration
DAsHING and strong, not romantic and
clinging, is the latest type Of popular girl
in the East This sounds the doom Of the
dudish weakling Of fashion.
THE Indians on the reservations are rap
idly becoming civilized. They refuse any
longer to eat horse flesh when they can get
tender. toothsOme dog meat.
ENERGY is everything. 4 man does not
amount to much IN this busy Wide-awake
little orb Of ours, Unless he has the push
and vim Of vital motive power.
ALTHOUGH peace has not yet been re-
stored at Indianapolis, it is cOnspicUously
write without interfering swear words.
THE St. Louis papers are giving a great
deal Of space to the discussion Of the Chi
cago girl this season. The standard Of
taste in that section Of Missouri is advanc-
ing.
A PEORIA woman hit her husband over
the head with a lighted kerosene lamp,
last week, and soon afterWard she was sur
prised to notice what a beautiful Cinder he
made.
NEWSPAPER men are always trying to
warm the MOrmOns, but the old man Of
the scissors thinks that they, the MOrmons,
haue a duced hard time of it, taking it all
round.
The Infanta Isabella fell out of her baby
carriage recently and created wOrlG SEN
sation. A baby, in proportion to its size,
can stir up larger rumpus than anything
else on this mundane sphere.
MIR HARDACRE introduced in the Ohio
Legislature bill making the vote Of two
thirds of jury a legal verdict, 1t will
be poor" and honest lawyer that can't
gain third Of jury in Ohio.
COOP wives now haye an opportunity
of proving their fealty and devotion to
their lords and masters, The cool, dreamy,
delicious mornings, when man delights
to lie abed and sleep, are here.
CONGRESS has got hold Of some exceed
.ugy complicated railroad problems. And
il IS doubtful if habitual specializing in
railroad stocks is the only qualification
14tded for the solution Of them
THE. little town Of Oxford Ohio, has u
pOstOfice soon to be vacated Eight patri-
OtiC Democrats want the place 1t will be
a worse case than that recorded in the Bi-
ble, for lone will be taken" and seven
left"
If the deduction Of r. A Proctor proves
true that in 100000 years there will not
be drop Of water on the surface Of the
earth, the inhabitants Of that period can
enjoy the luxury Of buying milk without
water.
CERTAINLY there is nothing like candor,
considered in the abstract. And vet can
did expressions not iufrequentIy prove ex-
ceedingly disagrecable to many interested
persons who, by stress OF circumstances,
are forced to listen to them.
If Germany's Iron Chancellor served in
the ranks of the imperial army he would
not shed bullets any better than the aver
age flesh and blood man. and in that case
he would not be so much Of an Iron Chan
cellOr as be is now acknowledged to be
A MAN in Evanston bet that he could
drink four quarts Of Chicago whisky at
single sitting He won the bet. and the
coroner had q new body to sit on The
COrOner'S name is DOOittle and DOolittlc
says the man made very natural looking
corpse.
A MACHINE has been invented which will
sew on buttons as fast as seven GIRLS could
do the work. but when it comes to sitting
up Of Sunday night with young man
seven machines cant begin to do the work
of one girl. There is no fear of any inven-
ton driving the girls out Of market
A CHICAGO society belle, who has
created quite furore in parlor theatrcals,
wanted to go on the stage as Joan of
Arc" But she has given up the idea be
cause she learned that she would have to
adopt costume that WOuld-wcll, any
how, she couldn't wear her long dresses.
OVER in Canada the young folks have
found that SuOw-sAOes are Just the thing
for clOping parties They may be excel,
lent things to get over the snow with but
1t IS not related that they are of much serv-
ice in overcoming the objections of the
Old man 10 reconciliation and an allow
anCe.
The Senators who are botherinr them
selves about long and short haUls in the
railway system ot the country have no
reason to complain of determinations in
the transportation of statesmen. States.
men ALWAYS carry pass. and. whether the
haul be long or short, they are carried at