Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1887-12-14
Science and Draw Poker.

SCre0Gc ana Draw zOker.
Following the illustrous example of Prof.
Proctor, who has formulated the mathemat
icai laws governing the phenomena of draw
poker, Sir William Thomson recently sub.
mitted paper TO the Royal society, en-
titled, Tho Correlation of Blind and
Straddle," in which he claimed to have
made the following discovery
In experimenting upon the effects of age
upon the diversey slratlied hands before
the draw, found, first, when the senior
hand" consisted OF one carboniferous stra
tuu OF duces, and one Devonian Stratum
of kings, with en- intermediary and un
| profitable sub stratum of detrltus, consist
ing of one CLUB or other refractory substance,
the tendency to create an upheaval in the
metallic deposits, and thereby cause an in
fax of fossil ivory towards the common
| centre, was greater than when said "hand"
was irregular in It's formation. Second, l
found that under the foregoing circum-
stances said "hand" usually absorbed said
metallic deposits and fossil ivory in great
| quantities.
Immediately upon these discoveries being
announced, Frofs. Huxley, TyndaI and
Herbert Spencer were appointed COM
mttee to- investigate and report. The
committee began lts labors at p. 10. Satur-
| day, and at ..11:15 N. Sunday Prof. Hux-
ley, chairman, wrote his report as follows :
ROYAL SOCIETY, London, Dec. 4, 1887.
Your committee after arduous labor and
great expense, finG that, while the Thomson
theory OF The Elevation Of Straddles, as con-
tanned in bis paper, is correct in theory, tits
sometimes disastrously fallacious in prac-
q No a-ir tu ri cd hyr
committee was 90 follows:
The senior hand" controlled by mo as
chairman, coDseted before the draw of one
stratum of eusaDguued jacks, ons stratum of
queens and one accidental damond-almost
as valuable formation es that instGnced by
Prof. Thomson. The eubsenior hand, engi-
neered by Prof. Tgndal!, was nearly homo
geneous with small spades, the exquisite
continuity terminating ct one end, however,
in en- unfortunate, measly heart. The ju-
nor hand, under the management OF Erof.
Spencer, consisted before the draw, as he
states, OF ono thin stratum OF deuces, with
three sub-strats consisting of what nearly
approximated the mineral called "kelter."
Profs. Tyndall end Spencer having enter
| ed, l followed the Thomson theory, elevat-
| ing both the limit, which was fixed at $40.
Prof. Ty ndall readily saw. Prof Spencer
| hesitsted a moment, but finally followed.
To me, then, he dealt one sub-stratum,
| to Prof. Tyndall one, and to himselfthree.
/ Applying myself TO the taxidermist's art,
or removing the cptice from my collection,
! l discovered that I now had triple strata Of
| jacks, resting upon double strata Of queens,
| quite filing my hand.
t Prof Ty ndell examined his newly acquired
stratum, and with evidence of suppressed
emotion advanced FOSSIL ivory to the value
| of 50 to the centre.
/ Prof Spencer smiled, took panoramic
view of his strata, covered the fosais with
! like deposit, aud To ny secret delight added
another 10 beextent flo shilliugs. prompt
| iy covered both deposits, topping them by
au additional SO. Still further 10 my de-
light Prof. Tyudall elevated me in like ratio.
Inow naturally feared that Prof. Spencer
would retire. So did Prof. Tyndall, who
half regretted his aggressive action. But 10
our mutual satisfaction Prof. Spencer, after
| looking TO see that none of strata were loose
or had got away, raised Us meek 10 shil-
lugs.
Merely to aid science, and in pursuance
of the Thomson theory, again raised e10
Then begac 6 contest which now seems
a blurred and hdeous dream. Prof. Tyn-
dali leaped over me, Prof. Spencer leaped
/
both, until not only were my entire fossil
collection, my portfolio ofgovernment paper
and checks for half my accumulatiops in the
| East India Bank heaped on the pile,
out Prof. Tyndall's watch and eyeglasses.
| his new poariscope and collar buttons,
his seal ring, silk undershirt, gaivsnometer,
mortgage on his house and an order for
seven mouths salary, together with Prof.
i Spencsrs eocshes and crush hat, an opal
pin aud fur overcoat, al his ready money,
| seven pawn.tickets, 9 pass over the North
western, his copyright on seven scientific
works, and q new um brela with silver dog
onto it. Finally there was nothing left but
our ehrts and salvation, and l said l would
call
looked at Prof. Tyndall, he looked at
| Prof. Spencer and Prof Spencer looked
| at me.
said was sorry to bounce Prof. Tyndall
! higher than when he was on the Matter
! horn, but that
Here Prof. Typdall smiled and skinned
4 out an ace flush.
! laid down my queen full, burst into tears
and began to count up the small change.
Prof Spencer checked me meekly, and
inquired if had any objections to coming off
the roof moment while he showed up his
/ hand.
I courteously, but firmly, replied that I
had not.
The horror of both Prof. Tyndall and my
self cen only be imagined when he saw Prof.
Spencer deliberately first pocket the bank
notes, then put my watch in his fob. try on
Prof. Tyndall's goloshes and overcoat, ad
just my glasses to his nose and test them by
running over my hand again, stuff the con-
sols, bonds, mortgages and deeds in his