Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-11-09

spring" well it serves you exactly
right" "Why?" ga man OF your
age ought to know better than to
drink milk. "-[Omaha World.
INVALID (engaging q companion)-|
Your duties will be very light. shall
expect you to attend to my small cor
respondence, drive with me occasion
ally, play the piano twice q week, and
read the papers aloud. Applicant
Do you include the Sunday papers9
Invalid-Why, yes. Applicant-That
settles it I've had an offer of mar
riage from B. Mormon with four other
wives and eighteen children. I thing
I'll accept it. Good morning! II Puck.
IT was raining hard, and he stood
under the shelter of g. Jefferson Ave-
nue. awning and watched until the
right sort Of a man came along. Then
he stepped out and said: "Ah! was
laying for you. old fellow! That UNI
brella was stolen from me three
months agoI" "Chestnuts was the
prompt reply. sDon't you believe
me?" "Hush Just got it five min
utes ago by playing this same game.
Tackle the next pr Detroit Free
Press.
HAVE you seen Mr.. Mushbrain late
ly?" asked the fair girl languish-
ingly of her gallant companion,
young Tennisbat of the bank.
:'Not for ages" lisped the youth.
81 understand he has made mesal-
lance" said the weary beauty. 81
should like to see it," said Tenpisbat,
with g. shade of animation. st used
to potter about my fathers park at
home, and am somewhat OF g. me-
chanic myself. ~ San francisco News
Letter.
A BANK cashier, who stole $4,000
from the bank and skipped out to
Cincinnati, went to q lawyer and said:
Chow can | fix matters 80 as to be
safe from the law" 81 will arrange
to have the bank settle for half the
amount" was the prompt reply.
When this had been done the thief ex-
pressed his great pleasure and salts
faction and inquired: "And now
what shall pay you for your SER
vices? ?" "The other half. sir?" was
the calm reply. Moral: "It is won
der the lawyer left so much for the
bank Atlanta Constitution.
go, DEAR, those children make so
much noise that I can't hear myself
talk" exclaimed Aunt Harriet, as she
left the room with slam. "Children,"
said papa, "you must be more con-
siderate. Your aunt might have
something to say that you should
want to hear. Now, if you will be
real good Til buy Johnnie nice
bazoo, and Hattie a grand piano, and
Tommie big watchman's rattle, and
I'll make g. horse-fiddle of the dining
table for the baby. But don't bother
auntie with your noise any more than
you can p."-[Springfeld Union.
CHoLLY-"Did you hear about that
bank smashup yesterday, Gawge2
Cashier ran away with the funds"
Gawge-" Common occurrence; don't
pay any attention to such reports
any more" ST tell you, if man has
got any surplus cash nowadays it
stands him in hand to put it where he
knows it will stay. By the way, can
you let me have a ten this morning?"
Greatly, dear boy, you offer me such
excellent advice about putting money
where know it will stay that I am
almost sorry l have no surplus
funds. p Binghamton Republican.
A BULLETIN reporter who is repeat
eddy greeted with the shibboleth,
allows business?" has interviewed
several people with regard to answer
ing the question intelligently, with the
following result: "My business is
drawing crowds" said the artist.
''And mine is being run into the
ground" said the undsctaker. sMy
vocation is 6ne," said the judge. sMy
business is growing" remarked the
farmer. Business is fare" answered
the conductor. "Mine is gaining
ground" said the real-estate dealer.
"My business is picking up" said the
rag man. "And my business is still, ;"
said the manufacturer of good Old
Medford.- Boston Bulletin.