The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-02-09
RingranhY OF XOX POnnli.

MAJOR Populi, or "Nox," as he was
Familiarity called, was born early in his
life, OF very low parents-his father be-
ing q lawyer and his mother being re-
lated to a newspaper man.
On this account the other boys at
school would not play with little Noxie,
and thus did this illustrous man grow
up to be lonely and meditatiye cuss.
One day the literary society i'll the
little village where he lived had de-
bate upon the great questions whether
or not man with corns should give up
his seat to woman in horse car, and
whether or not man is entitled to q
divorce from woman who snores with
more than two-horse power.
Little Voxie's opponent completely
cleaned him up and hattened him out
on these momentous questions, and
then it was that our hero, being unable
to answer the solid arguments, showed
the genius that was in him by calling
his opponent a fool, liar, and a
weevily idiot, amid the widest en-
thusiasm of the audience, who were as
tonished and captured 10y Voxie's I'M
expected logic and talent in debate.
So great was their confidence in him
then that they elected him Justice of
the Peace, and here he first achieved
national renown by his wonderful skill
in the matter of making cost bills
larger than they had ever been made
by any magistrate in the world.
Justices of the Peace, who have made
the sub .ect of swelling cost bills a life
long study. and had grown gray in de-
yising items to pile up the costs, stood
amazed at the skill of this remarkable
man.
It was from him that the Justices of
the Peace of the present day derive
their diabolical skill, which enables
them to break a millionaire if he loses
more than two little cases in their
courts.
Before Vox's day the Justices of the
Peace had never known that they could
charge in the cost b Ii more than three
times for summoning an entirely mag
mary witness and they had not dreamed
of the fact that the amount allowed
them by law was intended only to be
the cubic root of the correct amount to
put in the cost bill.
But Judge Populi explained all these
matters, and showed them also how
when an item had been charged ten or
twelve times it should then be doubled
and thrown in again at the bottom as
"sundries."
1t was he who in moment of great
national CONSERVATION and trouble,
stood in the legislative halls, and fear
lessly exclaimed: Il know not what
others may wish, but as for me, give
me Office or give me death
4 cousin of his having married the
President, he was appointed Minister
to England by the Chief Magistrate,
who took this step to show his unalter
able and extreme opposition to nepo-
tism.
But having failed to wipe his feet on
the door mat, before entering the court
of st. James, he was sent home with
the mark of servants hoof, and Sc
cret pain lurking somewhere adjacent
to the neither conclusion of his naughty
vertebrP.
Being then appointed pension agent,
he stole hundred thousand dollars,
and said that he would rather be right
than be anything except President.
On account of these faithful services
as pension agent, he was elected to
Congress; and like the officeholders
of modern times, he finally died of old
age, while writing letter stating that
he would like 10 be renominated once
more as an Endorsement of his past
record. -NelC MiSSiSSiDDidn.