The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1887-09-10
Bill Nye Tackles the Ulam.

81 Probably the American clam is less
nlly understood than any other feat.
ure OF our boaste1 civilization. He
HH either greatly overestimated on ac.
count of his naturally taciturn man.
ner and reserve, or else is regarded as
an intellectual dwarf because he nev-
.er tries to shine in society.
CLANS are Of two classes-viz., the
sllttle-neck CLANS and the other
ehms.
Zone of the peculiarities of the New
york clam is that he has no vitative-
ness, as the phrenologists call it.
The pale blush growth in the mid
die of the clam is not yitativeness or
love of life, for he does not care to
live. Neither does he care whether
anybody else lives or not.
4 bought a dozen raw clans of a
gl0sllar man ia white apron a
shot time ago, having at that time q
a Yey erroneous idea about clans IN
the she'll. Having been accustomed
to tie antique or canned clam which
we eised to get by bull team in an in
cred bly, short time from Leaven-
worn and other posts where the
landlocked or malleable clam is
founs | knew little of the true Man
hattie clam. 1 only knew that he
cared title for life, but died easily.
had hard that the male clam would
turn wen trodden upon, but L re-
garded him as generally undemon.
strativeand in favor of arbitration.
wasmisled also by the calm and
unruffid demeanor of the Eastern
clam, so ate these twelve pachy.
derms hrriedIy in order to catch a
car, fearing that my seat in the City
Hall Pax would be taken by some
one else.
In lessthan half an hour, if I had
read an advertisement in the paper
offering reward for the return of
those clans, l would have hunted up
the ownG and said to him: "Sir,
do not wish to wrong any man. Here
are your.clams."
This feeling grew on me till 1 went
to drug store and bought a dose,
which | scattered in among those
turbulentelements. 1t was a mix.
ture of things which the druggist
sells during the summer as an Asiat.
ic cholera mixture and in winter as
a fire. kinder. l could not help ask.
ing myself, as drank it and after
wards threw in one of those patent
grmades for putting out a fire, why
a man should put an incendiary un-
der his vest to steal away his brains
l then went to the Battery and lay
down under tree. People who saw
me tearing up the greensward and
kicking the bark off the tree for dis.
tance of seven feet above the ground
said that it was too bad and claimed
that no man ought to allow his dog
tOrun loose in August to get hydro
phObia and then bite innocent people,
People who still think that the pal
lid and aimIess clam does not care for
intestine strife or turmoil ought to &c
and see the way that tree is kicked
to pieces.
l was telling a friend afterwards
about the lawn festival and clam col
ic recital that l had been giving, and
he said that / made a mistake in eat
ing the CLAIMS raw. Raw CLAIMS al
this time of year. he said, were liable
to be overcome by tine heat, or they
might be Old and blase when they
were caught, but if l could eat then
in the form of chowder 1 would like
them, and they would do me good.
He knew good place to get clam
chowder and 1 went with him. II
was very ricochet place, and 1 was
told that Commodre VanderbuiIt
came there and ate clam chowdel
only a short time before his death.
So did /.
ChOwder, however IS made by
shooting two-year old CLAIMS out of {
gun, and then cooking them with
other things until they seem to lose
their identity. 1t does not hurt peo
pie who are used to it, but a mar
who has most always lived on cannet
Lima beans ought to have his postof
flee address and the address of his ia
vorite undertaken in his pocket be
fore he gives himself up to the falst
joys of clam chowder.
After we had eaten our chowdel
we went to call on a friend, and
heard afterwards that he said l wa
a very much oyerestimated man.
can see how he came TO form tina
OniniOn oannnf ranonno hnr VI hat