The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-02-23
HOW HE FIXED EN-.
BY THOMAS CoLQUITT.
"I'll fix emf


Uncle Ned was lying in fence corner of
his watermelon patch, one warm, sultry
August afternoon, Watching for some I'M
known rogues who had been making raids
recently upon his melons. He had been
rewarded at last by sight of two neigh
Dor boys, who sprang over the fence, each
carrying large melon, and dived into the
dark, shady woods outside. That was
what Uncle Ned had just seen, and, as he
rested his hands upon the low rail fence
and gazed after the rogues, he said, in q
most resolute tone:
"Ill fix EN-"
He did not know / was near him until 1
spoke:
How do You intend to fix 'em?"
"Shoot 'em" was the laconlc reply.
Uncle Ned, as he had been called for half
a century, had been my grandtather's play
mate when they were boys together, and
had been with him ever since. He was
foreman on the farm, and the only overseer
my grandfather would have for his negroes.
He was allowed all the privileges he de-
sired, and was practically free man. He
was at all times kind, respectful, and oblig-
ing, and never missed an opportunity, as
the negroes said, "to put on airs and use
big words" These last, however, were
pretty badly mangled in their passage
through Uncle Neds thick lips. / had
never supposed my old colored Uncle"
would dream of shooting any one, not even
a watermelon thief But those melons were
his fortune. BY selling them he was to OBJ
tain money for n grand time during the
far-away Christmas holidays.
"lf YOU shoot those boys you will be
hung" / said
Don't care! I'll shoot 'em tonight, if
they come back"
Seeing l could not dissuade him. de-
termined to warn the boys, and, if possible,
turn The "ioke" upon the old fellow.
Uncle Ned went to his cabin, brought out
his gun, an old musket, and proceeded to
load. putting down heavy charge of pow
der and handful of large shot
"You mean business, Uncle Ned.
81 DO dat, chile" he said, grinning.
Oars jes' twenty-fo' shots in dar. I'll
fix en-"
He then sat his ancient eue away care
fully and went out TO the stables to attend
to the horses. While he was absent l ex-
tracted the shot, counting. to make sure
had them all out, poured down in their
stead load of ripe, juicy poke berries,
and replaced the gun. Then, when Uncle
Ned went away TO the field, / went to warn
the boys.
At dark that evening Uncle Ned was
snugly ensconced in fence corner, behind
some bushes, commanding an easy range
of the entire field. | was hidden few
corners away, but the old fellow did not
know L was near him.
Directly three dark forms climbed over
the fence on the opposite side OF the field
| and soon gathered several large melons.
heard Uncle Ned moving uneasily, and then
the click, click, OF his gun-lock.
The rogues, talking and laughing all the
while, came quite near the ambush, sal
down in circle very close together, and
commenced to eat their stolen fruit. A
stick cracked in Uncle Ned's corner, a
long, rusty gun barrel was softly pushed
through the screening bushes, and then
Bang!
One of the boys sprang to his feet and
ran away like deer; another fell over and
made no sound, while the third began to
g oan piteously.
Uncle Ned sprang out into the open field
and stared wildly about him.
l ran up to him, crying rapidly:
"Oh, Uncle Ned! You've killed Tom
and Bob Yates! See how bloody they are.
You'll be hung! Brother Will has gone
for the Sheriff. You'll be hung to-mor-
row."
"Oh,w-w-what mus do?" cried the now
thoroughly frightened old fellow, as he
gazed on the berry, stained forms lying
motionless at his feet.
Go to the woods and stay until / can
arrange matters" l replied. I'll leave
you something to eat every night in the
fork of the old apple tree below the barn.
Co."
He went.
The dead and wounded rogues recovered
as soon as Uncle Ned was gone, and we
enjoyed hearty laugh over the adventure.
Those berries st ng like hornets, said
one. "This nights work shall be warn
charged as he thought and intended"
You're right, cried the others together.
1--WE will never steal another melon-for il
is stealing"
We now decided to give Uncle Ned O
lesson in return for the one he had given
us. II was therefore agreed that one OF
the boys should 60 to the old apple-tr
the following night wrapped in a white
sheet, and represent the ghost of one OF
! Uncle Neds victims, when the old fellow
came for his food.
The following evening, directly after
/ DARK, as / was returning from the barn,
| some one ran against me ut full speed
knocked me to the ground, tumbled over
me, and then lay flat on his face grooming
| terribly.
"Why, Uncle Ned, they'll catch and hang
you," l cruelty reminded him.
He raised himself slightly and began 70
| recover his senses, when he exclaimed
pointing:
"Ughl See it-there it is. / killed him
OH O--o-ohl"
Uncle Ned attempted to rise to continue
his fight rs Qhostly object all robed in
white approached us, but he fell back and
lay so still that / began to fear he was
scared 20 death. He had only tainted,
| however.
We carried him to his cabin, where be
! soon recovered. He was fairly wild with
| Joy when he learned that he had not killed
anybody after all. and was ever afterward
very liberal with his melons.