News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-01-13

them z"
81 is dat. was sorry as soon as I
tuck 'em. I'spected find, at least five
dollars in dem pants; but dar was muffin
in 'em 'ceptin' kear ticket and key.
As soon as l run my ham in de pocket l
felt remorses, jedge, and Tse been re-
morseful niggah eber since. "-Ieras
Sittngs.
AN ODD EXPERIENCE.
'Preachers have odd experiences of
which they say very little" said a Chi
cago minister recently. ''When l in
stituted my Sunday evening meetings
attributed the large audiences to interest
in religious services. One night as |
announced the hymn INeed Thee Every
Hour distinctly saw young lady in
one of the front seats nudge a young
gentleman at her side. Three seats
back | saw a young gentleman nudge a
Young lady, and five seats back 1 saw
another gentleman nudge young lady.
This set me to thinking, and the Dext
Sunday night gave out the hymn with
my eyes wide open, and as l uttered the
words 4 Need Thee Every Hour l saw
several people nudge several other peo
Pile, and my notions of the zeal of these
ladies and gentlemen changed. They
came to church to be in each others
company. Chicago Inter- Ocean.
DRAWING THE LINE WISELY.
Omaha Nillionaire-Ah! [ see-son of
Mr.. Grumps, of Boston, an old school
mate of mine.
Young Bostonian have left
Boston and am seeking a new home In
the West.
'Humph! Did you leave suddenly r.
s'No, been thinking of it for some
time
''Were you bank cashier !"
"Oh. mo-
''Teller p
."No; L"
Confidential bookkeeper, perhaps P"
mot ut ali. / am hod-carrIer."
My dear boy, glad to meet you;
come right up to my house. - omaha
IV0rld.
IN WELCOME.
A pleasant little lady of our acquaint-
ance was taken aback the other day, and
is seriously questioning as to who is en-
titled to the direction of affairs in her
elegant home
TIE weather turning cooler, she
stepped to the kitchen and said:
maggie, it is getting quite cool in
the parlors, and I think we had better
have little fire in the CRATE.
"You have my permission to build it,
num-" answered the "help. "--Chicago |
Ledger.
A CLEAR RENDERING.
"You say, young woman" asked the |
Judge, "that this young butcher wrote
you love letters all winter 2"
'Indade he did that, sor"
''Why, your Honor" howled the in |
dignant defendant, 81 can't write a |
word to save my life"
"Well, your Amer, he sint me some
tinder lines every week, he did, soy."
Verdict for the plaintiff. .-BURDETTE. |
ANARCHISTS ALARMED.
First Anarchist just shown to his
room in the hoteD-Gottlieb, for heav-
ems sake, come here What is that |
strange substance on the dressing case (? |
Second Anarchist (trembling) 1t must |
be new kind of bomb. The capitalists
are plotting to destroy US. Let us fly!
First Anarcbist-Stay. Let US ques-
ton the rascally landlord. (Rings the
belD.
Landlord Gn response to excited in
quiries)-That, gentlemen, is a ball of
soap.-Phila. CaT.
A CANINE COUNTERFEIT DETECToR.
"speaking of the intelligence of
dogs" said Zebedee Jones, Il have one
which can detect counterfeit money"
"Oh, now you're joking" replied
EbeneZer Smith.
'.No, am not. If he gets on a bad
scent he Immediately abandons it and
looks for good one. ."--Pitta begS G1iyos-
icle Telegraph.
SHE ALMOST TALKED sHCr.
Mrs. Melinda, now that
Mrs. De Wiggins has gone, let me tell
you again never to make any allusion to
pas packing business before company.
Melinda Why, ma, didn't say any
thing about pork.
Mrs. Mushroom-No; but you spoke
about having a sty on your eye, and it
mortified me terribly. HANDLER.
THE NEW YORK STYLE.
Pittsburgher TO New Yorker)-'I 'I see
hat IN the Boston street cars the for
nula, Here's seat, Mrs Lady, is com
ng into use"
New Yorker-"'Yes and Boston pre-
ends to be a centre of culture, too"
"What do you dc in New York when
you offer a ladya seat :"
1--WE never do. "-PittSb,1g Chronicle.
AN INSANE TRAVELLER. /
Conductor (of Pullman sleeper to por-
want to watch that passenger,
sam, think he's crazy. ,,
Porter-What makes yo' think so,
BOSS {
Conductor he didn't insist
N having lower berth in the middle !
# the car.
GETTING IMPATIENT.
Countryman Gn restaurant)-Where's {
hem raw oysters, waiter
Waiter Coming, sir. Theye being !
pened now.
Countryman with disgust)-Well, it
ladn't ought to take all day to open
an of oysters. s
A BAD BEGINNING. ..
The last words of man condemned '
o death. I
AS the fatal moment approaches he I
SKIS the hangman: q
" "What day is 1t to-day 2" r
Monday murmurs the executioner '
Monday A nice way to begin the a
week t