Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1887-11-23
THE ANIMAL CALLED MAN.


by One Who Knows--A Few Facts
In good many cases, if communi-
cations were read instead of being
thrown in the waste basket, many a
good saying would be saved the OBJ
livion it must certainly receives when
it is relegdted to the obscurity of the
waste basket. A meek faced young
lady this morning, though on that acz
count not necessarily school teacher,
after leaving a communication at this
office hur--idly left, as if she had
done something wrong. Picking
the communication up it was found to
bear the following peculiar title, 'The
Animal called Man. IT. was rather
lengthy. but from it the following have
been clipped:
PERSONALLY, I have been acquainted
with men for several years. | have
seen them in all stages of their exist
ence and in all styles and sizes. Have
also seen them when they were with
out style and of no size worth men
tioning. By virtue of this understand
ing cannet fail to speak interestingly
of my subject. have therefore no
apology to offer for presenting this
treatise to the public. !"
Further ON the young lady says:
s.Man, in the singular number, is
sometimes spoken of as the animal
man. If he does not object to the
term, shall not. although should
object to considering him under the
head of any one species of animals.
His nature is various and peculiar, af
ter the manner of woman, only more
so. 1t has been said that the principal
difference between man and woman
consisted in the fact that men could
keep secret, while women could not,
but as this saying is directly traceable
to men, it would perhaps, be as well
to take some exceptions to it before
recording it in history. From my own
personal observation. / am led to be-
lieve that the principal difference be-
tween the sexss is TO be found in the
small matter of shooting; that while
man shoots best with a gun, a woman
can fire further aud hit straighter with
a broom-stick. Men are made
out of boys, consequently there
are different kinds of men.
Good boys make good men, sometimes,
and then, again, they don't; this de-
ponds upon circumstances. ii the good
boy happened to have mother with a
large-s,zed voice and "a small sized
brain, / should not want to stake any
large amount Of money that he would
make good man. The kind of boy
that man is made of has considerable
to do with man, but there is such
thing as spoiliag good material. There
are men who try to be good, and men
who are good without trying; there are
men who pray to be good, and men who
are good without praying; there are
men yeu know to be good, and are al
ways glad to meet; there are men you
know to be good. and would
walk five miles rather than meet
The one class know they are good
and make no fuss about; the other
class know that they are good and
mean that you shall know it, too. The
goodness we are glad to meet is natural;
the goodness we do NOT care to meet is
acquired. Natural fruit is best when
it is good, even though the other kind
makes more show.
Men. as | have previously stated.
are peculiar; they wear number ten
boots and snore. This is what makes
it easy to recognize man when you
see one Men wear hats they are care
tul Of. and carry umbrellas they are
not careful of; when not losing them
they are always poking them into
somebody eyes. Men don't gossip,
but they go to their clubs and talk
over the news Men don't paint
nor powder foften), but they raise
whiskers that make them look
like Scotch terriers. and
coax little hair moles on their chins.
Men are NOT vain, but they never like
the young lady who says they are not
handsome. Men are Inconsistent They
Ike t.s see the dress Of 4 lady plain and
sensi bic. hate surbelows and fiam-.
lners but let i lady il .splatn,
sensIbaen dress enter car where these
men arc seated and sha may stand is