The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1887-03-05
- '.{tsal4t!:.: ri 81 -
STAND AR o. B r TILES.

. 49,
whose plough strikes a snag.
Let Canada and the United States
fght$itout al. long range. with Goldfish.
balls, until the-feeling begins to a-bait..
When potato realizes that some day,
it may be made into Saratoga. ''chips,"
it's eyes FILL with Gears, and we don't
blame it.
Broken limbs do not deter the bold
tobogganers. They. will probably not
discontinue the sport until the ''back-
bone Of winter is broken.
Some day when Uncle Sam isn't
rushed we hope he will modify his old
mail boxes and cast some new ones big
enough to stick q paper into.
The Arab soldier used to march to war
with only few dates in his wallet. One
of them was probably the date when his
term Of enlistment expired.
A trombone player has been added to
tile Marine Band, In view OF possible
complications with England, it was
doubtless wise to begin to strengthen
our navy.
Jules Verne has written a new novel,
to be entitled "a Lottery Ticket | 1t
seems to us as if that would be better
name for blank book than for work
of fiction. ... ..~ 81
s:Have rou the time?'' asked woman
OF a man who was rather unsteadily pur-
suing his way up Church street. IN
no, madame" was the reply, "but [ had
it last pight, . isg z |at@ vi
4 p1acard posted throughout a Scotch
city recently announced the opening Of
the Theatre Royal "under the manage
men5 Of Miss Goddard, newly decorated
and painted i+4
The Indiana hickory switchers are
whipping men who have wives and fail
TO support them. It is b bad case when
the vine cannot cling to the oak without
the aid Of the hickory.
Wife--';I should think you would be
ashamed to hear the cocks crow on your
way hon1e..' Husband I'll went. t.
bed (hic> O'Clock, I'd CROW to. That's
the kind O. rooster am. y
ssLobBters on the Maiua coast says
nn experienced fisherman. fare growing
sraaller in size and Dsllnber.'' liz this
smother result Of prohibition. OF are they
shrinking away from Blaine?
a contemporary says that Il Pennsyl-
yania man has a pair Of antlers naeasur-
ing five feet between che tips. The edl-
tor must have been in a condition to be
deceived by the man s. mo,stache.
You can't fool around with those New
Jersey Judges much. They will stand
no nonsense. A lawyer out there lately,
in the course Of his argument, used the
word *disparagement.' Stop. using
Latin words, OF sit down. yelled the
Judge. a,.
They are not all howery walks il:
which the itinerant photographer worries
his way. One Of them lately struck a
town in the upper part Of this state and
got filled full OF bncbshot because he re-
fused to take I. hayseed picture by can~
die light. ~
4 Professor Ito students)--''Pray 80 on
smoking, it doesn't annoy me in Che
least; on the contrary, J. like to see
others enjoy it. 1t is the same with to-
bacco as with hay; ! don't eat it myself,
but I am delighted to watch others en-
ioying it.
This is certainly al age Of improve
ment and labor saving. There is scarce
y s. department Of trade, art or com
MERGE that is not improved in some way
or other But, after all, the broomstick
ard the rolling pin still remain woman's
favomte weapon in case of family Jars.
Things one would rather have left un-
said: "And now, my dear general, come
and sit by me and tell me all the scandal |
that's happened while I've been away.
"Well, really, Mrs. Mallecho, er-you
see--er-the fact is, that while you'v
been away there has been no scandal =
A medical student, who was detected
in boiling corpse on his fathers farm,
was seized by indignant neighbors and
roughly handled. We are at a loss to
see what they were mad about. Prob
ably they thought he might have taken
the poor corpse into the house to boil it.
... "Can you recall the names of those
two friends, my dear?" he said to his
wife, whose affection was SO great that |
one of them offered to die for the other?
Da-Da-the first one begins with; "a !
d. sob, yes," said the lady placidly
s'you are thinking of Dan and Beer