Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1887-08-13
HUMOR.

nOMV1os
WONDER If dentists ever extract cubs
roots?
REGULAR old timers Dutch hall
clocks.
AVAILABLE old sovereign-Empsroa
William.
IT is foolish to handy words with q
chemist; he always has retort handy.
AN old fisherman insists that @sal.
mon in all his glory is the correcl
reading.
THE woman with disagreeable bang
is she who hammers on piano in the
house next door.
TEE preacher lives by the golden
rule, the printer by the brass rule, and
the teacher by the ferrule.
HOWEVER much actors may quarre,
they generally have to make up be.
fore they come upon the stage.
A FARMER once called his cow Zephyr
She seemed such al am.abie hophyr.
When the farmer drew near,
She kicked off his ear,
And now the old farmers much dephyr.
DRY Goods Chronicle.
LITERARY man Qaughingly,-Yes, J
took to literature naturally. 1 was
vaccinated from quill, you know
Friend (grimly)- Ha! The worl
would have been the gamer if you hae
been vaccinnated from pick or shovel
@D1p you say, sab dat dis intmens
will kill bed-bugs in any stage?" Eyes
sir, my mixture is sure death to
reaches and bugs of every description.
and will destroy them in any stage
II keeps bo'din' house, sab; and viii
it answer in bo'din' house Just de
same as in stage?"
THERE was feud between the A.
year-old ,oung lady and her aunt,
which came at last to declared hostili-
ties. But the little lady knelt down ut
night and said her prayers: "Bless
papa aud bless mamma, and"-there
came long, ominous pause-"b ess
auntie; but if you can't bless her it
doesn't matter.
MAMIE" said a young man in an
ice cream saloon, toying with his check,
do you know that chemist has dis
covered tyrotoxicon in ice-cream ?"
Has he. thought" answered Mamie,
manifesting pleasu, able surprise. Il
wondered what made it taste so good.
I could eat another plate of it. And
the young man mentally cursed the
lamentable failure of his scheme.
"WHAT is the difference" asked the
bronzed stork on the bracket, between
and mince pie?" II don't
know" answered the little bisque
Phyllis on the mantel, unless it's be-
cause they are both Dutch to me. {"
mo, replied the stork, because one is
mixed with the fest and the other is
fixed with the meat" But Phyllis
said that was hardly a fair one, because
she never knew before how they made
sauerkraut. -BaIrdette.
"YEs," said Mrs. de Hobson, "Clara
had an excellent opportunity to visit
Europe last year in company with
some friends; but I couldn't bear the
idea of having the ocean between us.
It seems pity, Mrs. de Hobson," re-
sponded the caller; "a European trip
does give such tone to society young
lady" II know it does. To those
moving in the high circles that we do
it is almost necessity. I s'pose,"
continued Mrs. de Hobson, half re-
gretfully, shat I should have let her
went. PUCK.
1t is said that when you touch mans
pocket you touch his soul, but how was
it before pockets were invented? The
knew nothing of pockets. The
condition of little 7-year-old ancient
with no pocket in which to store away
his marbles, jack-knife, top, fish-hooks,
ews-harp, mouth organ, ink stopper,
Jumping jack, been blower, gum, slate
pen Ill, loose matches, ETC., must have
been pitiful Before pockets came into
fashion purses were suspended from the
yirdle. Thieves cut them away and
hen cut off with them. hence the term
,ut-purse is much older than that of
TEXAS Sifti9a0s.