Morning journal and courier., 1887-02-14
D RE EA D FUL.

Dreadful thought What if marrying by proxy should become popular? Who would | be safe?-Boston Herald | Let Canada and the United States fight l it out at long range with codfsh balls, until the feeling begins to -bait.-Lowell | Courier.
 "Yes,'' said the member of D. A. No. 417,- S65, i've have had a great meeting. We have succeeded in cripp1ing our boss that he is not able to pay half the wages he used to give us."
 A trombone player has been added to the Marine band. In view of possible eomplica- tions with England, 1t was doubtless wise to begin to strengthen our Philadelphia North American.
 The Indiana hiekory-switchers are whip ping men who have wives and fail to support them. It is a bad case when the vine cannot cling to the oak without the aid of the nick ory-Louisvlle Courier-Journal.
 Father (to daughter)-Have you accepted the addresses of Mr. Money bagss Daughter Yes, papa Father-Well, isn't he very old, my dear? raughter-Yes, papa; but he isn't nearly as old as I wish he was.-N. Y. Sun.
 Fogg says that he and Mrs. Fogg used to an ici pate heaven upon earth when they should be welded together Since then they have occasionally thought that it would have 
 dead before they came together. q didn't know before that Jones had been night watchman." q don't think he ever was one." q can't account for it. then. He certainly told me that he didn't hear the ex- plosion in the next house the other night when the burglars blew open the safe."- Pittsburg Dispatch.
 Proud Father (who has just been present ed with a son)-''Flossy little daughter, yuhi iah hast h hav sister little brother3" Flossy (medita- tively). "Well, papa, if it's just the same to you I think I'd rather have a little white | rabbit. ."-Harper's Bazar. Workman Con strike)-Is the master work man in?
 Servant-He has just gone out in his car riage
 Workman-Perhaps his wife will see me- My family is starving, and there isn't a pound of coal in the house. Master Workman's Wife (calling from the parlor)-Jane, do shut the door. You know that the cold air inj1res the piano.-Phlla- delphia Call.
 An old soldier lay dying in a little town in Pennsylvania one day last week. ''Is there anything on your mind that troubles you!' asked his pastor an expression of grave concern passed over the veterans face. ''Yes," said the dying man, ''there is. I have not made use of my opportunities. l was in the war about four years, in many battles, and thought tried to do my duty. But never picked up lighted shell with it's burning fuse sputtering close to the shell and threw it over the parapat of the fort I have been a regular at terdant upon army reunions and I have read the newspapers since the war, and find that am the only man in the Union army who has not performed that feat, although I bad plenty of opportunities. My life has been al Sp,,A Ir1,xrt S1yal fb,a kindly, ''did you not do it when you had an opportunity" "Because," said the gallant old soldier, q wanted to save the shell. I always knelt down and pulled the fuse out with my teeth" And then the noble life went out with snap like friction primer. -Burdette in the Brooklyn Eagle.
 Here lies among the dead;
 No more he'll weep or laugh,
 Ami on the stone above his head
 Here lies his epitaph.
 Boston Courier.