The Wilmingtonian., 1887-10-29
DEACON BuRpETTE.


The nuns in the Via Merulana convent in
Rome, it is said, never "see man" Enough;
they do not know the taste of cloves.
EAR, Earl
Mr. John Cass (the candidate)-Doctor my
ear aches all the time; what do you suppose
is the matter with it2 Doctor (after careful
examination) Growing pains.
TOUCHED THE PLATE
"Our dinner table, said Mr.. Newboarder,
pleasantly, as he studied the pattern of the |
cloth, "reminds me of a time table" "And |
wherefore!" inquired the prompter "More |
figures than fodder" was the soft answer
which turned on the wrath.
THE FATE OF PYGMILIIoN.
''Pig pens close to the well, or close to tho
house." says The Farmers Friend, ''mean
death" You bet; death TO the pig. It's pretty |
hard to locate the pen so as to change this fatal
Specification, too.
THE UNPARDoNABLE SIN.
Justice LocBmeup-You fine is $50. As
tonished ENTHUSIASTICALLY dollars For
getting drunkl Justice--No, for getting
caught. Hundreds of people get drunk every
day and I don't fine 'em a cent. Only fine
those who get caught.
MAKING A sA-LASf.
"Leave the door ajar, please,n said the
merchant, courteously. And the visitor
from Arkansas, as he went out, fetched it to
with both hands, yanking Off the knob,
springing both hinges, and leaving jar that
ratified every window in the building. And
if you'll believe it, the merchant got mad.
You don't know how to please some men, be-
cause they never know what they want them
selves.
EI
"There's plenty of room at the top,n is
there, my boy2 Oh, no; that's only some
more of the wise mans encouraging nonsense.
There's less room at the top than anywhere
else in the whole pyramid. Unless society is
built upside down, there is the most room at
the bottom. There's only room for one at
the top. Look at our own country; 50,0O0,-
OoO OF people at the bottom and middle, and
only one president at the top. That's the way
the world over: millions of subjects and only
one king. Ii you want lots of room and
plenty OF company, you stay at the bottom
with the rest of us. Mighty lonely and mar
row at the apex.
"oUT OF THE CRADLE ENDLEssLY RocKING.n
Heavens last, best gift to man was woman,
and mans best gift to woman was the rock
| ing chair 1t is her comfort of comforts II
Is a rest for the weary woman; she rocks her
troubles away as the swinging bow casts off
| the dust; it is q solace in hours of sorrow;
even a creaking rocker that driveth men mad
as with the ceaseless words OF a contentious
woman, "speak comfortably to her;;n her air
castles, builded in the restless rocker, must
lean like multiplied towers of Pisa: the
rocker fills up all social gaps; if there is no
one with whom she may talk, she rocks; if
she hasn't talkatiye company she rocks and
talks. She rocks and sews; she rocks and
knits; she rocks and sketches. She rocks
and does things that man can only accom-
plish under conditions of motionless, death
like stiffness; she rocks and threads needle
as calmly as though the age of miracles had
not passed; woman photographer would sit
in rocker with a camera in her lap and
placidly photograph group of rocking wo-
men in rockers Of various gaits. The rocker
is to her a nervine, a narcotic, a stimulant.
1t is to her all that a cigar is to man, and
woman with cigar and a man in a rock
ing chair seem equally misfited. The rocker
is certain means of grace; be she "mad as
a hornet" five minutes of vigorous rocking
tranquilizes her perturbed spirit, and by the
time she has rocked herself out of breath the
gentle, forgiving cadence of the swaying
chair tells you that sunlighted calm has dis.
possessed the storm, and peace reigns in her
loving breast. Like the cradle of the miner
it gently rocks away the gross and earthly,
and leaves a residuum of fine gold only. She
rocks all along the way of her pilgrimage
up the hill of Difficulty past the chained
lions down into the Valley of Humiliation
acrcss the narrow land of Ease, through the
troubles on every side, through the fighting
without and the fears within, past all dan
r gers, doubts and cares clear uI} to the border
! nf nd 1ela lie
) of the first Christmas presents YOU buy fo
your little girl is rocking chair; and TIN
last time her grandchildren see her sittin,
up, the dear, loving, God blessed grandma j
softly swaying in high backed rocker
dreaming again Of the years when her da,
dreams were woven ia that little rocker, nov
: the property of the newest granddaughter
In all those years your boy has changed hi
toys and comforts and lounging chairs witt
: every changing style, but your little cir
has never been long out of a rocliinl
chair. A home without rocker would b
. like farm without an orchard; it woul
still be farm, but its crown jewel would b
missing Only woman could have writteI
Crock Me to Sleep, Mother;n away with tn
y man pretender who dare claim it, in the YER
q face of unanswerable internal evidence, an
she didn't mean ''cradle rock;" oh, no, sh
9 wanted to be rocked asleep in rocking chait
If she says she means ''cradle,n then do
fully believe her to be a man.
e As for man, lie is not natural rocker. II
may acquire the habit, as a trotting hors
may be taught to pace, but the "arm chair
l. is sacred to grandpa, Man is Iounger;
foot rest goes with his chair. A steame
Is chair now is about his size. The prize con
n bination for him is an easy arm chair and
mantelpiece "Give me where to hang IN
Ie feet" says proud man, "and care not whel
II you put the rest of my body.n Half col
vinced that he was made little lower tina
y the angels, he has been trying ever since I
~ get his feet back to Edenic attitudes, and
he sails through life on the small of his bacl
g with his feet lowering above him like guar,
II ian angels Rather palpable, feshy ange
they are, too, but nevertheless he likes
E look at them. You never yet saw a ma
II with feet so big and clumsy that he didr
like to hold them where he could see the
W when he sat town-Brooklyn EAGLE.