The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-10-17
BRIGHT BITS.

The dishonest butcher is always willing to
meet his customers half-weigh. Trans
cript.
CARDINAL NEWMAN says a gentleman is one
who never inflicts pain This is rough ON the
dentists.-Onsdhd World.
A SAN ANGELO EDITOR was not only saluted as
brother" at a Methodist meeting, but was
trusted TO pass the hat.-Onidhd World.
THERE is nothing new under the sum- says
Solomon. Nevertheless it will be admitted that
the dude is pretty fresh.-Boston Courier.
If the conundrum fend asks you why the Pro-
hibtionists hate the Volunteer, be quick and
answer, Because she is always ready TO defend
the cup. Philadelphia Call
WHAT was Nero's greatest act of cruelty!''
asked the teacher of the class In history
''Playin' the fiddle was the prompt response
and the teacher let it 20 at Washington
Critic.
LITTLE GIRL-Ma. was Adam the first human
being?
Mother-Yes, my dear
We'll, who showed him in the baby carriages"
-TeraS SUtingS.
SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER latter reading the
parable of the lOaves and fishes)-Do you know,
Robert, who wrote that story?
Robert (grnning(-No, but it sounds a good
deal like my dad.-Terds Sifttngs
He RoosTs HIeH-Backslide Johnsing, being
near-Sgbted mistakes the weathercock for
fugitive from the chicken roOst. Yer needn't
L
yer. Use refo'med. "-Te1dS Siftinqs
AUGUSTUS PoPrNJAY-Good morning Shocks.
understand you have been INDUCING in puts
and calls lately.
Snooks-Wel yes-that is, did the calling
and her father did the putting. He put me
Burlington Free Press.
CUSTOMER (in restaurant)-What's the matter
with the cheese, waiter? 1t looks as if it might
have been used to bait a rat trap.
Waiter-Yo' has got dat cheese turned upside
down. sab. OATS de side what's tended to
be up. Now dat cheese am all right, sir
Puck.
Il TELL YOU, professional men are clog in
society, said one man to another. Look at
the ministers, for instance What are they
good forfN &
II reckon they're good because it's part of
their regular business" was the response
Washington Critic.
FRIEND-Well, Eliza, how do you like your
husband?
Eliza-He is a villain.
"All men are; but what has he doneY"
You know he was a widower. Well, I've
found out that all his love letters to me were
copied verbatim from the ones he wrote to his
first wife when they were counting"
well wouldn't mind it. He never will send
you any more. '-TeIds iSiftings
OMAHA DAME-How proud am to know you.
You are a true heroine and everybody is talking
about you.
Brave Girl wish it had never happened.
How can you? just think you attacked
burglar sngle-handed and held him until help
arrived The papers said he was utterly pros
trated with the blow you gave him with that
rolling pin"
Il wish hadn't touched him."
why, dear?''
I'm afraid I've spoiled my chances Of marry
ing. ''-OnldhG World
A CITIZEN of Detroit, who probably intends
to run on the next county ticket, met a farmer
from Romulus on Grand avenue, yesterday, and
held out his hand and said:
"Ah, fine rain this"
well dunno"
do the crops lots of good
50 1t will, ehy What crops?"
We'll -you-know-won't it help the
cropst"
ut may soften up the dirt so can dig out
some old stumps"
Exactly - exactly - that's what | meant.
Goodbye !"-Detroi Free Press