The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-09-13
BILL NYE.
The BOIOny Retina advice to His
Som ON Hnxn To Rnn a Nerrsnaner.

OF the paper " nlch you call ne ItcLld-
do not know why you call it The Retina-
Still The BoIony Retina sounds kind of full
some and didactic.
Retina, | always supposed, was kind Of a
medical term, and would be just fool enough
If l started a paper to call it The Sciatica or
The Polypus at Work. It's wonderful how
people run TO new names these days, and
plain man with common school education
has TO go cropping along through the world
the best he can. l presume that, with your
thorough and fiorid education, such word as
Retina don't stump you for a minute, but
with me it's different. l am a rough, hard
working man and always been busy all my
life. One of the neighbors asked me night
before last why / hadn't joined the Knights
of Labor, and l told him that I'd always been
too busy
It's fact, too. I've always been so con-
stantly employed that 1 couldn't belong to
labor organization and give it the attentionit
ought to have
like the tone Of your editorial piece, on
the inside of your paper, which is entitled,
"Salutatory." like it where it goes on to say
as follows:
1--WE shall strive, in season and out of season,
to advocate the resources and liabilities of
New BOlony as a health resort and county
seat Our voice will ever be heard in clarion
tones, putting its shoulder to the wheel of
progress and tramping on oppression with
both feet.
ave shall send The Retina to every quarter
of the globe, so that New Bolony, with its
wealth Of picturesque valley, hill and dale,
together with its new court house and health
giving atmosphere, will be known of where
ever the English language is spoke
at is true that the editor of this paper has
just emeI ssed from college, and is still young;
but he has had some experience in writing
for college paper, and he knows what the
needs and the wants of the people are. He is
aware that the class of readers who viii peruse
The Retina will not be so refined or cultivated,
perhaps, as his college readers were; but he
will try to make himself understood and we
think we viii be successful.
1--WE shall constantly improve The Retina,
as growing business and patronage may war
rant so that in a few years our readers viii
look back on this first copy with ill-cOncealed
mirth. We are already figuring on a dark
blue job press and a rubber door mat for the
Office, bearing the legend Welcome in large
gothic extended letters.
"We shall espouse the cause of no party or
faction for the present, preferring to remain
neutral for the time being, hopping on to the
erroneous, ever and anon, however, as cir
cumstances may arise which will seem to call
on us for a word of reproof, admonition or
encouragement. We shall not make any
boasts or fill the air with bOmbast at this
time, but when hydra headed wrong energies
from its hole the casual observer viii see US
knock seventeen distinct varieties of tar out
Of said hydra headed wrong, and those who
carefully observe our course while conduct
ing The Retina will notice that there are
flies on it,
awe have quite number of our best essays
and oratlons prepared while we were attend
ing school and college, which will appear
from time to time in these columns. They are
carefully and exclusively written, and en-
tirely cover the ground Among these we
may name the following titles:
"The American Indian-His Glorious Past and
Opaque Future.
"The Care and Discipline of Children from an
bipartisan Standpoint.
"The Disagreeable Results of Crime-Neces-
sity for Exercise Among the La
boring Glasses.
"Demosthenes as an Off Hand Speaker.
"How to Reclaim Giddy Parents-Where is
Your Parent Tonight?
Criticisms on the Present Imperfect Plan Of
Salvation.
"Duty of Wives-What Constitutes a Good
Wife.
"George Washington and the Misery He En-
tailed Upon the Youth Of America
by Telling the Truth and At
terward Becoming the
Father of His
Country
"An these essays are well written, and
would be highly ornamental to any first class
magazine in the land, but we are here to give
satisfaction in our new field, and the best We
have ever written is none too good for the
people of New Bolony. We aim to please.
with regard to prohibition, we shall be
oil A., Co.
can use prohibition or we can let it alone.
For the present we prefer to touch not, taste
not, handle not the unclecn thing. We favor
a high license with low retail prices This
gradually busts up the dealer and finally
wipes this curse from the face of the earth
with the bosom OF statutory wrath. Besoms
of statutory wrath carefully printed at this
office on short notice.
"In closing we viii state that The Retina
starts out with liberal patronage and has
come to stay. We use this last term with ths
permission of the man who made it,
"We expect cur new navy blue jobber in a
few weeks, and little boys an town who wish
to see how newspaper is made, and who
would like TO contribute thumb or two out
of their little collection, may come and
monkey with the new press at any time We
viii return their thumbs to them at the end
of the week"
like the tone of this piece as a general
thing, though am sorry to hear you allude
TO your liberal patronage and by the same
mail get a request for more funds l will
send you what money l can spare, hoping
that you will soon get on your feet again.
l suppose you will be running for congress
the next thing, and then you will forget all
about your old father, and borrow money of .
people who haven't felt near the interest in
you that | have.
Send the paper for one wear and CHARGE
me with the subscription price. You may
also put piece in your paper stating as
follows:
FOR SALE
Owing to i'll health l viii sell at my resi-
dence i'll town %, range Is. west, according I
to government survey, one crushed raspberry
colored cow, aged 8 years. She is a good
milkster, and is not afraid of the cars-or
else. She is a COW of undaunted
courage and gives milk frequently. To man /
who does not fear death in any form she /
would be great boon. She is very much /
attached TO her home at present, by means Of (
ol,., c1,x