The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1887-03-31
MR.. AND MRS. BOWSER.
THE HUSBAND PREPARES A, GRAND
SURPRISE FOR HIS WIFE.

overcoat on the hall rack.
''Some of our relations dead9'
"Relationsa Nawl Mrs. Bowser, for
the past two or three weeks have been
preparing surprise for you--a great sur
prise. How much milk do we use around
this house dailyr' 80 - - .-i -.
"Three quarts Of milk and q pint Of
cream" ..-.-
Exactly, Mrs. Bower, exactly. And
the cost Is twenty-four cents. You call it
milk, but what is 1t? A compound of
chalk and water, which must kill us in
side of five years" .....
"Aud are you going to change milk
mem" ~-.
Exactly, Mrs. Bowser. am going to
be my own milkman after thtsP'
"You are going to-to''-
eyes, I'm going to buy cowr'
"But you always get cheated on such
things"
$40 II That's all you know about it!
When don't make rs per cent. profit I
want to be kicked. A cow will be the
best paying investment we ever made.
Just figure for yourself: There are twelve
quarts of rich milk per day, at six cents
per quart. That's seventy-two cents per
day or $5.04 per week. Take out seventy
five cents US the cost of her keeping, and
you have clear profit Of $3.50. Is that
a swindle9 We can't use over four quarts
per day, and can therefore sell eight to
the neighbors. Just speak to Green and
Smiths folks, will your
MIR. BowsER's WARNING.
"Mr. Bowser, don't You remember our
pigT'
"Pigl pig! What has Durham cow
got to do with short horn pig? And,
besides, your own base conduct killed that
animal. Mrs. Bowser, don't yon dare at
tempt any tricks on my cow. I don't
want scandal but I'll divorce you if
you ever look cross eyed at her."
"Well, We'll see how you'll come out"
ooh, yes-throw cold water on my eff
forts to give you all the comforts of life.
It's wonder to me that don't get dis
couraged and 60 to the gutter, as many q
good man has"
Early the next morning a woman ap-
peared with cow and calf, having them
tied behind her wagon. The calf was tied
as well as the cow, and / noticed that it
seemed to be doing its best to keep away
from her. This seemed so singular that
went to the back door to speak to Mr..
Bowser about it, but he promptly called
to me:
'Get back there! Do you want to get
this cow excited and her blood heated
upr'
He paid for his new mich COW and
placed cow and calf in the barn, and after
giving them an hour. to quiet down he
came in for me. After looking the ami.
mails over asked:
"Mr. Bowser, how old Is that calfi'
a
"And that COW is it's motherY''
ats mother You don't think she's its
uncle or grandfather, do your You must
be getting soft in the headr'
"Do you notice that she won't own IT.
See there! She's ready to cripple 1t If it
comes nearr'
"Mrs. Bowser, you go in and attend to
your gossip and that wall eyed baby, and
don't you dare to come near this barn
againl You have become cross eyed and
soft headed"
went in, but two hours later, when he
had butcher up to buy the calf, slipped
out and heard the man say;
'"That's the way of 1t, Bowser. That
isn't her calf any more than you are
Queen Victoria's brother. The cow may
be all right, however; she looks like
good mixer"
The calf was driven away, and Mr..
Bowser put in the afternoon at making O
milk stool and fixing buttons on the cows
horns. After supper he went out and
MIXED, and as he brought in pail even
full he set 1t on the kitchen table with the
complacent remark:
"Might have got six quarts more, but
got tired" .. ....
THREE GLASSES FOR SUFFER.
He made a great ado about drinking
three glasses for supper, and the cook was
sent around the neighborhood to drum up
customers. He held me in lofty contempt
for awhile, but finally melted enough to
inquire; -.
swell, did you taste any chalk in thatS'
"No, but did you observe that it had an
old taste.''
"W-what do you mean" ......
eff that calf didn't belong to her what
IS the inferences"
He rose up, turned as white as a sheet,
and after great effort managed to say:
"The inference Is that you don't know
enough to come in when it rains, Mrs.
Bowser, you killed off my hens, and you
caused the death Of my pigi Take care
how You conspire with my cowi There is
q limit to which human being can be
pushedr' s...E-.~ i. .-
Nothing further was said until next
morning, when the quantity of milk
dropped off to four quarts. I began to
express wonder and amazement, but Mr..
Bowser interrupted me with:
" didn't expect even that much this
morning. She is grfeving for her calf"
The quantity at night was the same,
and Mr.. Bowser's marble brow wore
look Of anxiety. At the end Of q week
the quantity had fallen to three quarts at
milking, even with Mr.. Bowser feeding
ten pounds of meal per day. Then vent
ured to observe:
"Mr. Bowser, / was satisfied from the
first that you had been swindled. That
calf nev''-
"Oh, you were? Well, wasn't She's
grieved for that calf until her milk Is
nearly gone, but I'll fat her for beef and
get at least $50 more than she cost me-"
We kept the beast from March to Sep
TENDER. She yielded us about $40 worth
Of milk which no one liked to use, and
she cost $50 for fodder. Her first cost,
exclusive of the cali, was $42. Mr.. Bow
ser sold her to q suburban butcher for
S25, and on the evening the trade was
concluded, and as we sat In the cleaning,
I remarked:
swell, it hardly paid US to buy the
cow"
''It didn't, eh? expected you'd be
flinging out some insult pretty sooni Why
didn't it pay us? Who coaxed me into
buying herr Who did her malicious best
to drive that cow to her grave? Mrs.
Bowser, just wish you had some hus.
bands to live withr'-Detroit Free Press.
A Tea Estate in China.
On the way up saw from my chair
line ~ hor<, feat xynp,ar, folIayx.