News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-03-03
A BATCH OF STRAY JOKES
GATHERED IN FROM ALL QUAR-
TIERS FOR ONE TO SMILE OVER.
They Sought the Shade-A Case of Frank
ness-PromOted for Merit-N Good II. st
Not too BIack-R. Il W.-Drawing the
Line-Odds and Ends, Etc, Etc.
THEY SOUGHT THE sHAD7.

| intendent, let alone the exE Eense OF put
ting in the plant.
"Why2 What's the matter2 Citizen
too poor3
mo, they re rich enough"
cold fashioned? Prefer kerosene o
candles2"
''N-no; that's not IT,"
swell, what is the matter then?"
"Too many engaged couples. The,
wouldn't burn gas at all. ."-Ranablsr.
NOT THAT BLACK.
AS those who have been to his offic,
know, General Black, Commissioner o
Pensions, has a pure Ethiopian, will
Interchangeable skin, for his doorkeeper
and very good doorkeeper he is.
Recently Congressman O'Donnell wen
up to the Commissioners Office and
meeting the black man at the door, h
stopped.
hanteringly.
'No, sah," replied the doorkeeper
else not General Black. Ise jis' plain
common black, sab. General Black!
inside, sah."
The Congressman gave the doorkeepel
cigar and went inside Washington
Critic.
PROMOTED FOR MERIT.
See here, sir; I understand that aftel
that last catastrophe you sent the survi
vors to their homes in distant State!
and charged the expense to the com
pany2"
Ha,1,1n+0r Vnc
'Do you suppose, sir, that this rail
road is benevolent society9 What did
you do that for? Give me an unanswer,
able reason at once or your resignation,
sir"
"To prevent them from testlfying be-
fore the coroner"
'Resign, sir"
"Why?"
'I want you for superintendent. -
Omaha World.
PRETTY BIG JOKE FOR BOBBY.
Miss Clara Ito young Featherly, q
guest at dinner)-EWon' you have an
orange, Mr.. Featherly?"
Featherly, -"Oh, thanks, awfully."
Bobby(turning to his mother)-"How's
that, MAJ"
Mother.-How is what, Bobby?"
Bobby,-"Mr. Featherly took an
orange from Clara
Mother. 9Th re, there, Bobby; little
BOYS shouldn't talk at table,
Bobby-"Yes, ma, but you said that
Mr.. Featherly's visits here, SO far as
lara was concerned, would be fruit
less. IN Y. San.
AN IMPROVEMENT IN THE METHOD.
A man sat on salt barrel on Michi
gan Grand ave. yesterday morning max,
ing a great display of eating raw car
rot. A small co ored boy halted in
front of him, watched the performance
for while, and then said;
"My fadder tried dat dodge the odder
day"
''What dodge7"
"Tryin' fur to git sympathy, but it
didn't work.
"Whya'
sKase de whiskey smells right frew
de karrut. He's tryin' onions now. y
Detroit Free Press.
DRAWING THE LINE.
Little Dot-Mamie, are all those peo-
pie crazy9
Mamie-That's only picture, child.
s'Well, what are they running around
that way for without hardly any clothes
oaW
They arc getting ready to go to
bed"
sTs that's that politc?"
ooh, yes, pet; that isn't IN house or
hotel, you know"
s'Looks like It,"
eyes, but it's only sleeping-car
Omaha World.
HAD HIM ON THE HIP.
A Cincinnati speculator went over into
Kentucky to take a look at an oil spring
which a farmer claimed to have discov
cred on his land. Sure enough, the
water was covered with oil, and could
be traced along creek for a mile.
"Well, what do you think9" asked the
farmer after long investigation. "Why,
| think YOU have used about three bar
rels of petroleum around here" replied
the capitalist. "Humph! That shows
how awful smart you are. l didn't use
but one and a half. = Val Street
NeaCs.
A CLOUD D!SPELLED.
Alonzo dearest Edith, candor COM
pels me, on the eve of our wedding, to
confess that / am "a
Edith lin consternation)-'ENot mar
ried man?'
Alonze-''No; but somnambulist." "
Edith--'And is that all, dearest?
That should not separate us. Why,
papa was brought up an old-fashioned
Methodist, and mamma has always been
a close communion Baptist, and they've
got along very well together.
SO BAD.
''That last butter was very bad, sir,
said the cook, as she left an order for
groceries.
"Was it2 Why, Mr.. Blank and his
wife were both in here yesterday and
had no complaint to make.
"Ah! sir, but l had little party in
the kitchen the other night, and you
should have heard how the coachman
took on about it Please be bit more
careful, for feel that my reputa ion i at
stake. "-Detroit Free Press.
WAS TIRED.
The other morning a farmers wagon
which was rattling down Michigan
Grand avenue to the market struck a
colored man and sent him sprawling
into the mud. Several people rushed to
help him up, and one inquired if he was
much hurt.
"Only in my feelins, sab. De pusson
who knocks me down an won't stop t,
beg my pardon am no gem'lan, an he
tires my feeli s. .'-D6trOit Free Press.
RING AND WHISTLE.
A youthful traveller was curious to
know the meaning of certain signposts
along the track. Conductor" ask ed
he. ''what does w. and r. mean 2"
''Why, ring and whistle" was the
reply.
There was silence for some time, when
the young man observed: ~ can see
well enough how w. stands for wiring,
but Tn blessed if 1 see how r.
stands for whistle. '-H1,per'S Bazar.
LIGHT AT LAST.
Buffalo Bill-What do you think l
have discovered, Mr.. Secretary
Secretary Interior-Give it up.
Indians take to cigarettes like ducks
IL