Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1887-06-29
THE PIE OF COMMERCE.
Din Nye Settles Gastronomic Point Eais-
ed by Four Drummers.

Din Nye Settles n Gastronomic Point Tais-
ed by Four Drummers.
lam in receipt of the following letter,
bearing date of Washington's Birthday:
Mr.. WILLIAM NYE: Knowing that you are q
friend Of the travelling man, we do not hesitate to
ask your opinion or advice as TO what course we
should pursue in matter of vital Importance
10 US. The proprietor of the leading hostelry
here, insists upon cutting one pie in sixteen
pieces which only gives one-sixteenth OF pie
to the commercial man. We have demonstrated
with him about this, but without avail What
shall We do about itf Please advise us. Yours
amitatiyely, WILL REED,
HARRY HICKS.
GEORGE THOMPSON.
T.. c. LINDSAY.
REPLY IN y. Y. WORLD.
Messrs Reed Hicks, Thorn psoR and Liadsdy,
at large GENTLEMEN: Your favor, dated at
Concordia, Kls., is now in front of me as
l write. i hate to come in between the
commercial man and the hotels in case
of this kind, especially in order to monkey
with relations that are already strained;
and yet something ought.to be said at this
time or we may easily focesee that the
overworlSed American pie will at length
be compelled by reason of BRAN flag to
abandon the proud position which it now
holds relative to our Interstate Com
merce.
hOulh llAC w OIcdS AulS III u
way to insure harmony between the trav-
cling man and the hotel, if possible; and
yet must confess that can not refer to
pie in purely bipartisan spirit Pie,
may truthfully say, seems to lie nearer
my heart at times than any thing else
within the great realm of groceries.
know that commercial men are prone
to ask too much of the hotels at times, aud
thus they inflame the proprietors. h1ve
known of many such instances in which
the tourist was clearly in the wrong; but
the outrages were always perpetrated by
travelling men whose early lives had been
passed in obscurity. They were men who
knew how to catch tram or tell in a rich
union-depot tone of voice how many goods
they sold in that town, but they do not
adorn society very much. These are the
exception, however. They are men who
represent small houses and sleep on four
seats in the day-coach, with their feet on
the velvet collar of the unassuming cap
italist who sits in the adjoining pew.
But was travelling man once for two
weeks, and l have always sympathized
with those who followed this business for
livelihood. For some years had yearned
to be a commercial man with a sorrel
traveling-bag AID bold signature. in
timated to several large concerns that my
services could be secured at nominal
figure, but there is nothing so puffed up or
so egotisticel as prosperous business
house, and so they continued to struggle
on without me.
Finally went on the road in the inter
est of Blowem's White Wine and Tar
Syrup-a preparation that would take an
Old pair of secondhand lungs and bright.
en- them up so that a man needn't be
ashamed TO dress up in them and wear
them into the best society.
People say that travelling men are toe
forward and too bold, and ought to do a
little more of the blush unseen business,
but l found when l was on the road that
had to be bold, especially at the hotels, for
the clerks were bold, the porters were
bold, and the dining-room girls were
also in several instances ex
tremely so. If l did not demand the
bridal chamber 1 generally got tea chest
No. 65S, with no knob on the door, and
when would punch the button on the
| denunciator it would fall off with low
tremulous sound and roll under the bed.
Speaking Of dOor-kuobs, reminds me OF
| hotel man in Washington Territory who
has novel way of keeping these handles
clean at slight expense. He has knobs
on all doors and they are so arranged
that they may be easily removed. He has
two sets for the house-one set being
WnlIe ana Jno oJner dappied bay. When
one set gets soiled he removes the knobs,
placing them in the soap dishes of the
various rooms, where the guests rinse
them of thoroughly in vain attempt to
get lather out of them. After they are
dried the proprietor replaces them on the
doors and the soiled set go into the soap
dishes. This hotel is now called the door
knob chop house, and with the slippery
Elm towel adopted there polish is given
to the guest which he might otherwise
never secure.
Gentlemen, in conclusion, hardly know
what to say, unless it be to add that what
ever you may decide to do towards the
publication of tn s great pie evil, provided
you do not actually endanger human life,
you may safely rely upon me and count
me in. Pie enters into the hfs of every
true American, and an unfair division of
pie will certainly lead to open hostility
and possibly intestine war Do not trust
the man who robs you of your pie in order
that he may thrust it into his own cor
rupt system.
The tendency of the age seems to be to-
wards the Capitalization of pie. This is
bound to make the thin man thinner and
! the fat man fatter. From statistics now
| in my hands 1 have ascertained that we
have enough pie In America, if properly
| distributed, to give to each adult, exclu-
| slve of Indians not taxed, one eighth of a
| full-grown pie and still leave onesix-
teenth pie for each child of school age.
Gentlemen, this letter is already too
long. / can add nothing moro unless it be
| yours, truly, BILL NYE