Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1887-02-04
Sunbealrns
~

Money lenders take moro interest in
business than any other class of mon.
Vassar girls are said to be 40 modest
TINT they will not work on improper
fractions
kind as m me you SY!waYs plpxs
also II kind father
"A whip makes tlie horse go, "money
makes tic .innre 60" aud green musk
melon, p,ckied. nnlkesa o mango.
81 aim TO tell tho truth" "Yes" in.
terrapt d nm acquaintance, "but YOU m
nre very bad shot"
Mr. Cleveland doesn't know how to
play, sccond tia.lle, but lie handles the
git-thar with unanimous success.
Committeeman-"W What animal is the
most capnbe of attaching itself to a
manP" Hd,d OF the class" "The leech,
sir." .tE
Husband-"That fonoo wants paint.
ing badly; think I'll do it myself"
Wife" Yes. do it yourself if you think
itwants to be done bally.
Speak of n mans marble brow, and he
will glow with conscious pride; but
alludle to his wooden head, and he's mad
III u minute.
. ID Is about time for somebody among
the baok seats to riso up aud remark
that the mosquito bar. like the campaign
lie. Ii mi.tie ont OF hole cloth.
%Ah." sai,l Jeholus. taking his friends
baby, che has got his mothers eyes-
md my hair" he nl,letl, rs the infant
prodigy grabbed him by tho foretop.
11ay .leas%;"She said, "wlat is the
difference between fhssrntn,s an, in
lgenuolls The difference between u
and l. my love-" SHE replied, and he
scratclied his liead for diagram.
AZ am coming by aud by, you will
hear my. pl,.ntive .ory. in acoents mild
aud gentle MS II lamb. I'm not coming
-ona frolic, but to give small boys the
collie sing hey the small green apple
that am" :
''How is this, son-in-law: Won went
to the ball last night and here it is
scarcely two, months since you lost your
vile 2" Il acknowledge it my dear
mamma; but then, you know, + danoe
SO sadly"
Old dSlrictum-"See herl whnt makes
you SO late this morning 2" Olflco boy
! Ind to get my lair. cut" Strictum-
'.Well you oJul have sent some ono
/, else to.ettend to TINT. Don't let it oo-
our again. e A - ~
Fond mother TO bachelor uncle) =
: why john. don't let tho baby play
witliSihat gold tuptl,.pick.s He'll swal-
2 lowik" Bncl!elur4nnrle-" -"Oh, tliat won't
do any harm. L liave u string tied to it,
so 1 c;uI't lose it w -
A st. I4onis ,lcaler atlvertisos: "I nm
selling fine cprkscrews i'll mems pants
So. Uuless tller,, is n loaded flask in
the hip pocket the iiitltcemont of n fine
corkscrcw IN the pants will not capture
many purchasers.
Eastern young lady to Western youno
nnhn Ez"We We're disappointed in not
getting cards to your sisters wedding;
Afr Breezy. Wnre there no cards ;"
''Woll--er. sister lIin't play any. but
some OF us hld a little two dollar gnmo
after the minister got away" ~ 20
Hostess (Snnhay morning in Washing.
ton)-''ls hoe any particular minister
you wouhl like to hairN preach, Pene-
lopez. pcneinI,e (vis,ting from Boston)
We'll, il you don't mind, auntie,
think | would ike to hear one of the
foreign ministers. am quite proficient
III lnnghages, you know"
Customer--"I sny, Mr.. Barber. 7
don't lieiir your SCISSORS ut work ON INV
hnir" 1,arl,er-" There is very little
hair OH your head" Customer makes
no difference. pay you money and I
want YOU to rattle tho scissors OH the
bald place just the same as ii it had hoir
OH it,
An express train stopped Mt Pittsfiell
few days ngU to let u passenger get off
fora minute to Kiss his wife. who Imp.
,prncd To bc in that town. As long ns
no tlrliu is permitle,lto rtop in order to
let n;tn kiss nnUlhcr fellows wife,
surely Ito fanlt can lie found with n
railroads. infringement for this sort OF
thing.
A jealous Newport woman n few
nights ago went through tho pockets of
her husband while lie WAS in bel asleep,
expecting to find love letter from
another woman; bnt iusteld, finding
au old ponkrt-kiife. dime, two mills
and dun for house rent. sle went back
10 bed and imprinted kiss on his
calmly sleeping forehead.
AScotcli clergyman remarked to one
OF Ills flock that he heard lie was about
to be nlnr,ie,l for tho third time. The
reverend gentleman added: "They
shy, John, your getting money with her.
You did 20 ON the lust two occasions.
You'll get quite rich by the wives"
Deed, sir, qnieily respondere,l John,
/" what wi bringln' them i'll and putin
them ont there's nae nuckle made O.
them SIR"
Alta dinner party last winter the cool
weather Ind done considerable duty in
supplying conversation, when n plnmp.
happy looking married lady made q
remurk about cold feet "Surely.n
said n lady opposite, Mrs, yon are
not troubled with onld feetf' Amid mn
awful pause she naiyely answered.: . Yes,
indeed, j am very much trouble,l-bnt.
then. they are not my OWL" Her hus.
band billshed scarlet.
A wag who is often merry over his
personal plainne tells this story of
himself: ''l went to chemist tile other
day for q dose of morphine for sick
friend. The assistant objected TO give
ii to mo without n prescription, evil
dentIy fearing that Intended to COM
NIT suicide. 'Pslmwl' said I, lilo L
look like a man who would kill llimself?'
GuZiug steadiiyat mo for n moment he
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