The Emporia weekly news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1881-1889, 1887-09-15
WIT AND HUMOR.


that costs. The cOrsage doesn't come
high--BOstos Courier.
81 was raped in slumber," said the
tramp, as the policeman hit him with
| a club Washington Critic.
/ Papa is sometimes asked to contri-
butte to his daughters happiness and
won't give assent.-DetrOI Free Press.
Pupil Ito music-teacher)- is
a note with " over it; what do you
call that p Teacher (absentmindedly)
IA five-dollar note"
| He-''So you don't care to be mine
with all that l have ut my commando
| She-''Thats just the trouble. don't
want to be under your command. -
The Judge.
| A Philadelphia artist who paints
| historical pictures has an aunt who
one day exclaimed: Anybody can
paint picture. but the trouble is to
find fool to buy it."-EpOch.
| Another material has been found
out of which paper can be made. but
it is superfuOus. Any man can make
paper; the trouble is to get good in
dorsers. Philadelphia Call.
"You don't mean to say, Phyllis,
you are going to undress on the
beach P" "Why not?" There's only
that Boston photographers about. He
doesn't count. ''-1Ot0's Topics.
The walters ready explanation
'HOw can you give such a dirty nap
kin as thisP" ''Beg pardon, sir; got
folded the wrong way, sir. There,
sir; how's that, now?" Mct0 Age.
At the Zoo. Aunt S3biI DWELL versed
in zoology)-De las animal we seen,
Lille, was de sacred COW. Now, dis
is de hippomapotamus cOw-an', my
sakes alive, amt she plain!-Puck.
Fond Father-Well. my boy, what
| course do you intend taking this year?
Son-Same rs last year. Father-Let
me see, what course did you take last
year? Son-Race-course.-Ihe Judge.
Lizzie (before leaving her bathing
| cabin)-Mamma, dear, is there no
body looking? Mamma lin next cab
| in)-N0t a soul about, love. Lizzie
Then I'll wait till there is.-TOsOn
Topics.
sit is love that makes the world go
round" we are informed by the poets.
/ It is a somewhat notable fact that a
very limited quantity of poor whisky
| will produce the same effect.-Merch-
ant IrGUetEer.
A farmer said: lone thing 1 don't
| ike about city folks-they be either so
stuck up that yer can't reach 'em with
a haystack pole or so blamed friendly
that they forget to pay their board. -
Buffalo Express.
When you go off on a summer tour
don't worry if you find yourself in a
State in which the fishing laws are very
strict. No State ever makes fishing
laws until the fish are all gone.-KarS-
sGS city Times.
1.-THE failures in Great Britain dur
| ing the first six months of the year
aggregate 2,913, observed the horse
| editor. docs that include Tenny-
sons Jubilee Ode ?" asked the snake
Pitts6urg Dispatch.
Until once with a picnic party we
stumbled over a wasps' nest we had
never fully grasped all the outlying
| and circumjacent wisdom of the old
stung.-DulsGth Photographer.
Jones was going in the country for
| six months. mo doubt you'll find it
a great bore" some one said to him.
| 80, no-the only time find it hard to
| dispose of is that from in the morn
ing to at night. THE Judge.
1 "A HAS DOGn IlfcnUSu JtlttG
will sew on 5000 buttons in day.
| No one seems to know yet whether or
not a marriage license for that sort of
machine costs more than one for the
other kind.-JoWTzaGL Of Education.
Elderly Stranger-"Boy, can you
direct me to the camp-meeting
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