davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03
WIT AND WISDOM.


Mr.. Moneybags, who has recently acquired
fortune-lts shame and disgrace the way
everybody conspires TO rob a rich mau.
Frlend-What's the matter now?
sion last night"
so saw by the papers,"
And to amuse my guests l ordered some mu-
Sic"
Eyes, heard you ordered a quartette."
ID ust So and darn my buttons If four singers
didn't crowd into the room and sing. and had to
dered one solitary quartette. That's the way I'm
swlndled every day OF my life and I'm tired OF it,
Those unhappy persons who suffer from ner-
Yousness and dyspepsia should use Carter's Little
Nerve Pills, which are made expressly for Sleep
less, nervous, dyspeptic sufferers Price 20 cents,
all druggists.
Beggar-Give me Nickel sir?
fedestrian-Why, amt you the fellow who had
aun card hanging on your breast yesterday say
Beggar-Er-yes, but tried the faith cure last
night.
Carters Little Liver Pillsiwill positively cure
sckheacache and prevent its return This is not
talk but truth. One pill dose. To be had of all
Druggists. See advertisement
Coored Boy-Ma, de theology say dat de human
body am imposed Of free fourth watah.
IdIcm-- dali yO Dettan mOSey OH 10 ScnOOl,
an GIT outen dat hot sun, or fust ting yer know
yo be 'vaporatin."
Old gentlemen and lades-cheer up. We have
found something to cure you. You complain OF
being constantly tired; you cannot eat; you are
restless and sleepless during the night you feel
that your lease of life has just about expired.
Use Quaker Bitters and you will eat, sleep and be
happy for you will realize that lease of life
has been granted you.
Use Little Quaker Pills; purely vegetable,
small, and pleasant to take.
smith--Well, my boy, how do you like Nantas
ket?
Jones-Oh, it's delightful
Smith-And the folks at the hotel?
Jones-They are very nice indeed. The ladies
are charming. Smith believe have met my
fate.
Smith-Indeedl | congratulate you. viii
have chance Of seeing this inamorata of yocrs?.
J0nes-Indeed you shalt Why, here she is
coming now; LET me introduce you.
Smith-No need of it, old fellow; that is my
wife.
Dean Cray, Jr., of Westfeld, Mass, had
severe and distressing cough, followed by emacia-
ton and night sweats. Many remedies were tried
without avail and his friends seriously doubted
his recovery. He was completely cured by the
use of two bottles of WIsTARsWILD BAALsM OF
CHERRY.
MA" said Bertie ''should / say pants or
'trousers'?"
Trousers, my dear" said the mother.
"Well then,' said BERTHE, Il think Bridget had
better give Fido some water; he trousers awful
lVp
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03
BridgtOn 4 SaeO River Railroad Co.

sumnser Arrangements, CONNIE RcinE june
~, 1851.
Trains leave Bridgton 61o, 1910 a. m, and
$40 p, M.
Trains leave p. s o. H. h. $50 a. m. and 100
and G.15 p. m
Trains arrive at Bridgton IL 10 a. m. and 500
and sos D. m. j. A. BENNETT, Supt
ie2T N
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03
paRTLAEp wholesale MARKET.

PORTLAND, Aug. 2, 1887.
Flour continues quiet and unchanged. Corn is
excited and &c advance will be noticed in our
quotations. Wheat advanced about ic to-day at
the West in sympathy with Corn. Pork is firm.
Sugars tending upward Pratt's Astral Oil is off
1c Raisins higher for Vaencias.
The following are to-days closing quotations of
C,rain Provisions &c:
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03

SAVANNAH, Aug. 2, 1887. Cotton nominal;
mddling 9Ssc.
CHARLESToN,Aug. 2, 1ss7-Ootton nominal;
middling Toe.
MEMPHIS, Aug. 2, 1sS7.-Cotton dun; mid
ding 9s4c.
MOBILE, Aug 2, 1ss7.-Cotton nominal; mid
ding 95Sc.
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03

steamer Novelty, at this port, is fitting out for
Bay st Lawrence
Ar at Newport, RI, 1st, schs Fannie l. Nye, of
Swans Island, and Lady Eigin, of Boothbay, from
shore trips, SEEMING.
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03

Those unhappy persons who suffer from neT-
Vousness and dyspepsia should use Carriers Little
Nerve Pills, which are made expressly for sleep
less nervous, dyspeptic sufferers Price 20 cents,
all druggists.
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03
PORTLAND, MT. DESERT 6 aACHIAS STEAM
BOAT co.

Limited Tickets, first and econd class, foa
all point. In the Provinces ON sale al re-
duced rates.
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03

7 HIFFNTds ssss FWf Y
] Augaf.
tgrap. is1ed T. fA,....614
Extra C..............bA
Neees.
RED 1op....$z Gs,SZ1a
Timoriy Seeu2 06Ca2 10
Clover. SAs@121ac
Gfse.--e.
/ Nern.nt.... Sl5Mi212
Ny. factors S12G1212
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03
SUNDAY TIME TABLE.

Leave Portland for Peaks 7.3O, 300, 1000,
90 a. m. 1215, s1.45, 2.15, 800, s345, 400,
s4.45, 6.10, 7.30 D. m.
Leave Peaks $50, $50, 1880, s11.30 a. m. /;
ITO. $40 2.40, $3.50, s415, 500, $40, $50,
$50 pm
Leave Portland for Little. Great Diamond, Ire
fethens and Evergreen 7.3O, 900, 1880 a. NJ. 4,
1915, 200, .3,15, 4.30, G.1O, 7.30 p. m.
Leave Little Diamond $40, $40, 1910. LAO
a. m; 1O5, $40, 1856, 5.1O, ESQ, $40 p, m.
Leave Great Diamond 7,6O, 800, slo.U5, 80
a. IN; 100, 800, 1886, 4.5O, $50, T.5Op. m.
Leave Trefethen's 1866, 925, $1,000, 1l.3O am;
1906, 800, .340. 4.55, 6.35, 7.55 p. m.
Leave Evergreen 500, $50, s9.55, IL 25 a. m. (;
IL. so. 2.55, s3.45, 300, $40, 800 p. m.
Leave Portland for Long Island s0.OO1 $50,
a. m.; 200, 5.45 p. m.
Leave Long Island s945, Ills am; 2.45. $50
.. m.
On stormy and foggy weather starred ts) trips
will not be run.
No lumber over 100 feet carried. Coal must be
In barrels and headed up.
Special rates for excursions and deep sea fishing
can be made at the office.
h. }. WILLARD, Manager.
Telephone 76J-B. jyl4dtf
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03
Spoken.

July 3, lat SO N, Ion 20 w, barque Gerard c
Tobey, Delano, from Philadelphia for San Fran
cisco.
July IT, lat SO 80. lon 81 81, barque Samuel ID
Carlton, Freeman, from Philadelphia for Penang
July 20, lat 80, Ion 70 40, barque X Bearse,
from Swan island for Woods Hol
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03
European Markets.
pxr rrsnx-..

LONDON. Aug. 2, l8S7.-U. S. As, 1905
LlVhRP oil, Aug q ISS7.-Cotton market IS
steady uplands 9-I6d; Orleans at 81 Cd ;sales
LIVERPOOL, Aug ., lsS7-Ouotations-
Ter Wheat 6s bd96s Cd; Spring wheat es 3dg6s
4d; club wheat rs 1d97s Sd. lCorn--mixed Wes-
7ls; bacon at Ais Cd for long clear and Ais for
short clear. Cheese Dos Cd. Tallow els 4d. Lard
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03

WHEREAS my wife, Maggie L. Murphy, has
w left my house. shall pay no bills Of heI
contracting after this date. ...,,.
Portland, July 80, 1887. augId3t
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03

RumfOrd Falls & Buckfield Railroad
summer ArranEe@sss-In Effees June q.

Leave Portland, via q. T. Railway, ITO a. m. A
Lewiston 500: Mechanic Falls linked traini
B.4B arriving at w. Mn0t 9O5; Il. Hebron $50;
Buekfeld $40; Il. sumner 1895; Hartford
1886; Canton Ills.
Leave Portland 1870 p M Lewiston 200;
Mechanic Falls 8.I5; arriving at w. MinOt $50;
Y. Hebron $40; Buekheld $50; Il. Sumner 400;
Hartford 4.12; Canton 427i Gnbertyille 4.S5 p.
kETURNING-LeaYe Canton 43O, OLD a. m. I;
arriving at Portland 5.25 a. m, 1906 p. IN.
On Saturdays only, third train leaves canton
245 p; M Buckfeld 1926; arriving az Lewiston
D:lUi portland O.45 p. H., returning on arriVa
OF tram leaving Boston LOO, and Portland
b.5I p. N. Excursion tickets will be sold be-
tween Portland Lewiston and Stations on II. r. ~
b., good 20 return same day or Monday. By leav-
Ing portland az 40 a. m. several hours can bo
spent m Oxford Comfy and return same day; or
"a trip taken up the AndroscOggin Valley 10 RUM
ford Falls returning Monday
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03
UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

the Steamer City OF giehmoad, Capt. WIN. II.
Dennlson, weather permitting, Will make two
round trips per week on the route between Port
land, Bar Harbor and MachiaspOrt, VIA usual
landings, leaving Portland at II D. m. every Tues
day and Friday, and MachlaspOrt at 400 a. m.
every Monday and Thursday.
PAYSON TUCKER, General Manager.
II. 4. BOOTHBY, Gen1 Pass. and Ticket AT
Portland. June 20, 1887. le2bdtf
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03

For Bangor aud Bar Harbor oaly, at 1918
pm. t(Limlted), for which seats must be secured
and extra fare paid. and for Brunssyick. Gar
diner, Hnlieweii, Augus1a3 Mntert lille,
ffnngOr. Ellsworth and bar Mnrb0r,
(Express), at 1888 y. m.
ER-Au trains timed a. above from Commercial
Street Station, stop at Congress street station,
where through tickets and baggage checks may
be obtained for principal potpts East and West.
THE lilo p. N. train the night express with
sleeping car attached, runs every night Sun
days included, through 20 Bar Harbor bat not to
Skowhegan on Monday mornings or to Belfast
and Dexter or beyond Bangor, excepting 20 bar
HarbOr on Sunday mornings.
Tfains are due In Portland as follows: The mGrn
Ing train from Waterville, Augusta and oath
$40 q. m; Lewiston, $50 a. m. day traiGs
from Bangor at 12.43, 12.4S and 1913 pm.
The afternoon trains from Waterville, Bath, Au
gusta and Roekland al SOS p. m; MaranacOOk
and Lewiston, 3 40 p. m. Flying Yankee 5.45
p. m. Night Pullman az l. 90 4. IN. and at COu.
greSs street station. Boston and Mt. Desert
ton and after July 4th lLimited), 1857 p.m
Limited Tickets, drsa aud ecomd class, Ton
all points In the Provinces ON sale al re-
dmceA rmfea.
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03
STAGE CONNECTIONS.

DAILY-From W. Minot $50 D. m. for Hebron
Academy; Buckield $50 D. m. for W. sumner
and Turner; Canton APT p. m. arriving at Peru
$50; Dlxheld 800; Mexico 100 D. M; also tor
Brettun's Mills, LiyermOre. Returning, leave
Mexico 600, Dlxfeld TOO a. m. arriving at Port
land 1906 p. m. Il. l.. LINCOLN SuDt.
II. @. BRADFORD. G. T. A. Iun3dti
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03

THIS PAPER f Ro%e aYSR Cos GG Ne ls
Advertising Bureau % Spruce Street, where advert.
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03

PORTLAND. Aug 2, Is331.
gseeesyeo by Maize Central Railroad-For pofr.
And Al ears miscellaneous merchandise - for L.
Meeting rosds. i13 cais.mseelsneous mercaan
-iise,
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03

At Yokohama July 8, ship G Ropes, Rivers,
for Tocoma.
Ar at Rio Janeiro 27th brig Ned White, ElweI
Baltimore.
Sid FIN st Jago July 90, brig Jas Miller, Sproul,
ManZana.
Ar at CardenaS July 20, barque Belle Wooster,
Higgins New York.
Ar at Havana Goth, barque Franc Lambrith,
West, st Thomas.
Cid 27th, barque Ada Gray. Plummer, for DeIa-
ware Breakwater; 2Sth, Alice, Kair, do.
Ar at st John, NIB. list inst, sch Emma Crosby,
Campbell Newburyport
Cid LIST, sens Sunbeam, Spragg, Rockland; Emu,
Colwell, do.
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03
Roston STOCK MARKER.
New York Stock and money Market.
D. rzt1

NEW York; Aug. Iss7.-Money on call
at 8, closing at 8. Prime mercantile paper at IA
as per cent. Steering Exchange dull and weak; &C.
ltual business done at S214 "a S219 Tor oo-day
bills and 841a for demand. Governments have
been dull and steady. Railroad bonds quiet and
generally weak. The stock market closed active
but weak at lowest prices OF the day.
Ine Jransacuons at the STOCK Ezcnange aggrt-
gated 1877. 500 shares.
1ne Following are to-day's quotauons Of Govern
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03
Imports
Eailrnac Raoalnrs.

PARRSBORO, Ms. Schr Fullerton 2l2
tons coal 10 Grand Trunk Railroad.
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03
EASTERN DIVISION.

For Ro.ton at 200, a. tn, daily 1900 a. M,
sl.O1. tG.OO p. NJ, Returning. leave Boston 7.30,
deford, Porssnsoaah, NswsaTyposi, -aIsss
and Lyun, 200, 800 a. m, LOO. 800 3. m,
AmesSury 9.oOa M, 1.OO,6 pm. Pullman cars
on above trains.
Connects Win Rail Lines for New YorE, South
and West.
sCnnneets with Sound Lines for New York
EsWest DivisiOn-NOrth Berwick TO ScarbOrO
Crossing Sundays
Through Tickets to all points West and south
for sale al Pol tlnnd station Ticket Oalcc and
at q nion Ise;teg biBce, 40 Exchange street
JAS. 7. FURBER, Genl Manager
ID. ). FLANDEkS, Gen. p. q 7. A
NJ L. WILLIAMS, Gen1 Agent
une25 at.
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03
FOR THE ISLANDS.
STAR LINE STEAMBOAT co.
DIRECT LINE TO GREENWOOD GARDEN

Steamers leave Franklin Wharf for Peaks at
5.45, 6.45, 80, 900, tl0.15, 1880 loo a, m.
1905, LOO, t2.OO 2.15, ESQ, 1880, 4.3O, G.15,
7.30, TAO, 1880 pm. RETURNING $50, 7.15,S.20,
$50, tlO.35. 1850, t11.3O a. m; 100, 1.3O,
1890, 2.35, 1910, sos, $40, $50, 1900, 300,
1O.15 p. m.
100, 2.15, 4.30, els p. N. RETURNING at $50,
7.05, $40 11.00 am. 20, 2 40, 800, $40 p m.
For Cape Cottage. (weather permitting at 7.3O,
1880 a. m; 2.15, 4.3O p. IN. RErURNING az
800, lilo a. m. ; 2.55, A. pm
Steamer leaves State Street Wharf at 1915 a.
m; 100, 4.16, and 1907. m. The 1O.15 a. m.
and 100 and 4.15 p. IN trips affords an elegant all
round sail.
SUNDAY TIME TABLE.
Leave Franklin Wharf for Peaks at 9.15, 1890
(StSte street 1919 90 am AS. state street
i23O1 fs45. 2.15. Estate Street at ZOO 2.30,
SIS, $50, 1re.15 p. m. RETURNING at Y.35,
10 10 / i, 40 a M - 90, 200, 2.35, ESQ, $40,
445, SIS. $50 pm. The 2215, 1890 am; 1928,
230 and 4.30 p. IN. trips run 70 Snshlngs enc dne
20 80 a. ~, 1915, 2.lo and 43O ips run 10 Odpe
MAY be omitted III ssoggy or stormy y weather
.. %. u Tie Msst;
J.F. LISCOMB, Treas. iyIIass
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03

for nssiso 100, 1880 D. ~ Dover, hoo,
4i6, 1870 p, M. SenrborO Beach, Pine
Point, Old Orchard Beach, saeo, Ridde-
ford, 1000 a. m, ti.OO, 200. 1880, AIS
1880, 100 D. m.
fThese trains viii commence running Guly 4th.
Portland passengers will Ia and leave these
trains az NJ G. X. X. Congress street station. BO3.
ton and MI Desert limited composed entirely ~
Pullman Nestibule Palace Cars ON which an extra
fare IS charged tCUuneets win all HAL Lines for
New YORK. Soufb and West. fNia East. Div. to
ScarborO Crossing. stops at Old Orchard Beach
one hour.
Fare 70 Old Orchard and return Sundays 80 cts.
tNia Eastern Division 70 ScarbOi o Crossing
Tg-StOps 80 minutes &C Old Orchard Beach.
stops at Old Orchard one hour.
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03

Received daily, by private wire, by II. i PINK
ham, broker. Exchange street, Portland. Me:
CHICAGO BOARD OF TRADE.
Mondays quotations.
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03
BOSTON AND MAINE. n. u.
PASSENGER TRAIN SERVICE,
In effeei June 20, 1857.
WESTERN DIVISION.

For Bo-ton al " 80, is.4O a. M, Sass gI.5,
800 1880 p. IA. Bossoa for Portland 100,
$3.50, 10. 10 a. m. LOO 400 and 600 y. n For
scarbOro Bench, faas Point, 7.3O, $40,
1925 4. m 200 $50, 1870, Clio, $40 y. nj. Old
Orchard Beach, snro and Riddeford, $50,
$40, 1925 a. m. 1898, 200, 800 1000 $50,
G.iO, $40 y. ~. NenHebnnk, 7.3O, $40 a. Tn.,
1888, $50, 1 90, 9, 80, $40 pm. Wells Rench
73O, $40 =. M, $50, 100, o.30 .. m. North
HeFwick, fsrca1 fails. DoSea +, 7.3O, $40
A. m, 1898, $50, $500, $50 p. m. EKcter, N a.
yerasIi, Lawrence, kssweti. 7.3O, $40 a. IN,
1888, $50, $50 b. m. Rochester. fnrnain e
ton ana Alton Bar, $40 q. IN, 1888, $50 D.
M. WoiIboro and Cent? r HHarbor, $40 a. M.
1913 p. m. Manehcstsr ami Csncord via
Lawrence $40 a. m, via Newmarket Junction.
4 IA q ~
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03
TICKET OFFICE,
angs ST., and Dsucl fcoi Of India Street.

r;oLo,s g., at Reduced Rates to
Miiwna re
Canada, Detroit, Oh, ~~vsaaw
Cincinnnti, 80. Louis, Om.
-. Paul, saitLaiEe City. D4
kraneiseo. and ali points IN the North
West and Southwest.
JOSEPH HICKsON, Reneral Manager.
WIN. EDGAR, q. 7. A.,
May 10. 1887. J. STEPHENSON. supt.
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03

The benefit of the Free Surgical
Hospital for Women, supported by
the Murdoch Liquid Food COmpa-
ny, Boston, is being recognized i'm
all parts OF the United States. La
dies suffering for the want OF an
operation QxnOwn as capital case
are coming from all sections.
Liquid food is given before and
after all operations.
the quarterly report, ending
June 4, iSS7, shows
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03

Carters Little Liver Pillsiwill positively cure
slckheacache and prevent its return This is not
talk but truth. One pill dose. To be had of all
Druggists. See advertisement
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03

OpefatIOns were made, and the
patients came
L from Texas.
= from Colorado.
from Montreal.
2 from Alabama.
2 from Prince Edward ISLAND.
S from Rhode Island.
4 from Connecticut.
from Vermont.
10 from Maine.
a from New Hampshire.
81 from Massachusetts,, from 30
towns and cities.
Any physician having 81 surgical case can
have ~ bed assigned 60 him by informing
of the ease.
I'm addition TO our
The Portland daily press., 1887-08-03
$50 FREE BEDS,

we have just completed a Septic Hospital
of f2 Free Beds. all for Surgical Gases.
Morning journal and courier., 1887-12-20
Tuesday, December 20, Iss7
THE DECAY OF mORmONIsM.

The Mormon question, which has been 8 very troublesome one, seems to be now in 8 fair way for settlement. And it's settlement will, it appears, be hastened in a way which not long ago did not seem probable. The Mormons have hitherto he'd aloof from the Gentiles as much as possible. Their oecupa- tion of Utah took place so early in the deyel- opment of the West as to give them geo graphical isolation at the start, and as the adjacent country became settled after the completion of the trans continental railroads the Mormons resisted by every means in tkeir power the influx of the "Gentile" element into their community. But there has been a change, and according to correspondent of the New York Evening Post, 6 change which has already been more extensive than is gen orally realized in the East. There has been a change in the disposition of the Mormons themselves toward outside energy and the methods of the real American people. The policy of exclusiveness has been definitely given up; the Mormons are joining with the ''Gentile" population of Utah in endeavoring to secure for that territory the benefits ot immigration from the East. The natural
 
 population is as yet insufficient to develop them. The Posts correspondent relates the recent action of the Salt Lake City Chamber of Commerce-composed of Mormon bishops, polygamous elders and other church dignita- ries, together with Gentiles and Federal of fceholders-in voting money to publish and circulate pamphlet setting forth the attrac- tions of Utah and inviting settlement there. Already in some of the larger cities the "Genti1es" have become so numerous as te wield a considerable political power; and with the advantages that Utah undoubtedly possesses as an attraction for immigrants their numbers will show rapid gain within few years.
 These facts indicate that the Mormon prob lem will not be troublesome very much long CT. The most objectionable features of Nor monism will be abolished by law and by public opinion, and whatever remains of it will not be harmful to the peace and good order of the community. It is pleasant to see this "relic' thus going without blood shed, which seemed imminent not very long
Morning journal and courier., 1887-12-20
PREFE

In view of his preference for a ''shining mark, it is 8 little strange that death doesn't capture more bootblacks.-Dansville Breeze.
 A child asks us why the devil has tail. We suppose it is to enable him to keep the flies off those portions of his back that he cannot reach with his hands.-Puck.
 Preacher (addressing deacon)- )-"Are there any opera singers in the congregation?" Dea- con-s'I think not, sir" Preacher-'Then I'll proceed to denounce the age."-Newark News.
 There is nothing without it's uses. The hot and cold water pipes in our dwellings, for instance, have proved to be great boon to waterbugs and plumbers.-Boston Tran script.
 HConfound it." muttered Shakespeare's ghost, as it fitted through Ignatius Dennel- Iy's sanetum, stwhy couldn't they have stirred up all this discussion about Bacon and me while I was 8 theatrical managere"- Merchant Traveller.
 ssUncle James," said city young lady who was spending 8 few days in the country, ''is that chicken by the gate Brahminp ''No,' ''Why, certainly, to be surel" said the young lady, 'fHow stupid of me; I can see the horns on his les."-Christian Register.
 Dullard-My friend Jiggers is about to be married; what would you suggest for pres- ent?
 Brightly-How high do you want to goa
 Dullard-Money is no object provided can give him something useful and valuable.
 Brightly-Well, if you feel as reckless as that, I should send him ton of coal.-Low- ell Citizen.
 Irish judge (to prisoner)-Have you any, thing to say why sentence should not be passed?
 Prisoner-No, your honor. Irish judge-The sentence of the court is EIoH he aad for Ina 0f natural life, with the usual communication for good behavior.-New York Sun. Frost-Hello! Bought your wife Christi mas present yet9 snow-No, I shall probably wait till the last minute. Frost-What makes you do that9 Snow-Well, we'll, I had to give her all the l money had to buy a present for me with, l and now I am saving up so as to be able to reciprocate in good style.-Burlingto Free Press
 "Can't you say something pleasant to me?"
 said husband to his wife as he was about to
 start for his office. They had little guar rel and he was willing to "nnake up." "Ah,
 John," responded the penitent lady, throwing her arms around his neck, forgive my fool ishness. We were both in the wrong. And don't forget the babys shoes, dear, and ton of coal, and we are out of potatoes, and John | love- you must leave me some money for the gas man. "-New York Sun. young Britisher whose name was Wemyss Went crazy at last so it semyss, Because people would not Understand that they ought To call him, not WemisS, but Weems. Another whose nams Knollys Tried vanly to vote at the poliys; But no ballot he cast Because till the last The clerk couldn't pronounce Knollys Noles. And then young butcher named Belvoir Went and murdered man with cievoir, Because the man couldn't, Or possibly wouldn't, Pronounce his naene properly Beever. There was an athlete named Strachan, Who had plenty of sinew and brachan, And he'd knock man down With an indignant frown If he failed to pronounce his name Strawn. Washington Ratchet.