Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-05-12
THE PUBLIC TELEPHONE STATION.
=. Amusing Caricature Of Telephone Con-
yersatiOn

per writer has not of late been at his best
in paragraphing and lampooning the
telenhone and central" and other mys-
terles of this ever-interesting system of
communication. But recent article by
Mr.. Henry Guy Carleton, in the New
York Daily World, is deserving Of honor
able recognition as the work of an arts
tic hand and fertile Imagination, com
bined evidently with some experience.
Thus sweetly sings Mr.. Carleton:
It's sweet for kindred spirits apart,
To hear the laughter of the heart
Certainly! 1t was just the sweetest
thing Imaginable, and that is what
thought when 1 blessed providence for
having supplied us literally with public
telephone stations. The public telephone
station is to DE found in all district tele-
graph offices and most drug stores. 1t
consists of a vanished box on the wall, a
smaller box on the counter and a clerk
who charges you 10 cents for using the
thing.
There is always crank on the box on
the wall. The clerk grinds this when he
pretends to call up the central station.
I forgot to mention this crank before
There is also a crank at the smaller box,
within two minutes after you get to work
You are the crank
The public telephone is an inestim-
able blessing and should be used by all
persons who are compelled to immediate
ly communicate with some distant friend,
and considering the exceedingly low
rates the service is very satisfa Glory.
The compisitor will please put *** at the
end of this paragraph.
Several days ago it became necessary
for me at once to communicate with q
m hoI off In
his Office he has telephone. [ was on
Broadway near Wallack's Theatre. My
first impulse was to telegraph him. Then
I recollected having once sent local
telegram from Fourteenth street to
Thirty-fourth street and it was six days
and a half getting there, showing that
the rate of speed on local lines is about
three blocks a day.
My next thought was to get small
but vigorous boy with pink ticket and
and send him with a note to my friend.
Then I-recoliected once sending boy on
just such an errand to a point five blocks
away and it took him three hours and a
quarter to go and return, at a dead loss
to me of three theater tickets and one
dollar and fifteen cents in cash. / as
certained later that the boy had galloped
over and back to his Office in fourteen
minutes, had taken a nap and had nice
little game of humble peg with the 9th
er boys, and on his second call out, on
quite another errand, had brought me my
long suffering answer and charged NE
for the time.
[ consulted my watch. In thirty five
minutes my friend would leave his office
on Broadway, near Wall. calculated i
would take a spry boy FIVE minutes tx
reach the elevated road at Thirty thirt
street, twenty-three inmates thence tt
Rector street, and four minutes thence tt
my friends Office, giving him just thret
minutes to spare. rushed into the of
fee, and hurriedly explained the situa
ton to the clerk. He looked at the clock
looked over his assortment of boys, con
suited time table, and shook his head
told him | would pay the boy extra fol
being nimblo. He scid it was agaiusf
the rules. Boys are oaly allowed to run
on schedule time, rsUppose.
A sudden thought struck the clerk, and
he suggested the telephone. Had n.
friend an Office? He had. What mum
Der? l did not know. He combed over
dilapidated book and said it was 91,40'
Nassau. | said it was one hundred an(
something Broadway. He smiled and
began working the crank. The following
ensUed:
"Br-r-r-r-r!''
"HeIlo!'
A pause.
"B-r-r-r-r-r-r!n
Hell, Centralt . Yes
Ninety -oue-four-'oz ght-six Nassau
A pause.
''R-r-r-r-r-r-ri"
"Hello, Ye-est-Nassau. N -a-s-s-a-u.'
Then he rang up the telephone ano
walked back to a desk and fired three
boys for being six INMATES late. Pres
emily
B-r-r-r-rG"
There's your friend he said.
He turned the little box on the counter
around SO | could whisper to my friend
j put the telephone to my ear, and The
following conversation oceurred:
"Hellor'
'Z-z-z-t-t-z-z z"-
"HELLo!"
"Uz-z-z plutter-z-z-z-alio click-z
oHELLO!
"R-r-a-a-a ck-z-z hel-lo-o-o!" Very
faint.)
''Who is it?''
tsZ-z-z''-
us that your"
E.Z-z-z"-
''Speak louder"
r-a-a-a-a"-
"Don't get so close to the ph0aa.>'
'tZ-z-z'-
sect further awayr
f'Z-z-z-z."
Louder
Cyl"
Suffering Jupiter HELLO!"
tHel-lo! Who-o-o? Z-z -"
''Is that your
"Z-z-z-z-"
I began to feel sad.
Eighteen minutes of the precious thir-
ty-five were gone. The clerk came over
and took hand.
"Hello, Central!''
pause.
"Hel-loo!"
A pause.
He gave furious grind at the crank
and evidently got central, with whom he
held an animated jHg-handle converse
ton for FIVE Minutes Then he DaSsed