News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-02-10
A BATCH OF STRAY JOKES
GATHERED IN FROM ALI QUARTERS
No CHESTNUTS HERE.
Member of the Press-The New south
The Honest Racke t EncOuraRiug-A
Reminder-Odds and Ends, Etc, Etc.

A Member of the Press-The New South
The Honest Racke t. EncOuraRiug-A
Rsminder-Odds and Ends, Etc, Etc.
A GALLANT SOLDIER.
'rYes," remarked Dumley, at the sup
per table. 81 was a soldier in the late
war, and if l do say it myself, | was a
good one"
Presently Featheriy broke the awful
silence
50 ere you wounded, Ddmley 2" he
asked
"N-no. but after the battle of Bull
Run was reported among the killed.
But the report was corrected"
Corrected to among the missing. ~
suppose " said FeatherIy, helping him
self to butter.
'It's funny about Washing ton people, "
said young man from New York to
v ashingtonian.
Glow do you mean 2" asked the
Washington man.
"Nhy, everybody has a way of say
ing yes, indeed"
7Have they 2'' exclaimed the Wash
ingtonian, bitterly. "Well, they haven't.
l asked girl last night if she would
marry me, and the way she said NO,
indeed was enough to bring tears to
the eye of a needle. y Washtngton
Critic.
LoAvEs AND FISHES.
"Why," exclaimed little Johnny, when
he heard his father telling about some
body who was looking out for the loaves
and Fl hes, ''that's Just what mamma
say about Uncle Henry"
Essays about Uncle Henry ~ repeated
his father in astonishment; "what do
you mean 2"
"Why, pa, don't you know said
JOHNNY, mamma saws Uncle Henry
only loafs and fishes. "-Booton Trans
script.
TOO MUCH LUMBER.
Omaha Girl-"Pa, there is talk of
forming an archery club IN our set. May
1 join 2"
Omaha Pa--'T saw O girls archery
club pract1cing the other day, and Pm
afraid | can't afford to bear my share of
the expense"
why, bows and arrows don't cost
much"
''No, but it takes so much lumber to
build a mark. y omaha World.
STRIVING TO BE HONEST,
Woman Ito tramp: ''You might
saw a little wood for that nice dinner" /"
Tramp (reproachfully): MADAM,
you ought not to throw temptation in
the way OF a Door man. y
Woman: Temptation Z"
Tramp: eyes, madam. If I were to
saw some wood, the chances are would
carry off the saw. I'm an honest man
now, and l want TO stay so."-AGqPeT'S
Bazar.
so SHARP.
"Ahl Mr.. Scribeler0us, how are you /?
] bought your last book, and have been
reading it. 1 can say hike il as much
as some others. I s'pose you're here, at
this reception picking up character"
Scri5elerous All! is that you Butter
inc By the by, that last lot of eggs
you sold my boarding house mistress
were more than half bad. l suppose
you're here drumming up custom 2 -
Life.
OVERHEARD AT THE THEATRE.
Omaha Lady oh, dear! I've forgot
ten my fan, and it's dreadfully warm
here.
Gentleman lin the next seat back)-I
can't bear to see woman suffer. Would
you allow me to make suggestion for
your comfort
"Certainly."
"Why not fan yourself with your hat, {"
-Omaha World.
DEssICATED PORK.
"Give me little more of the wood
chuck, please, my DEAR" says Funny
man to his better half at breakfast.
"A oodchuck! What do you mean
There's no meat but sausage on the
table"
perhaps that's the article. They
used to call it woodchuck when was
boy. Ground hog, you know. Chi
cdgo NeWs.
NEGRO sALUTATION.
Not long since l overheard two Ten.
nessee negroes, who had met each other:
-"Howdy do, sir ~
"Porely, porely; Use got mighty
misery in my back. How's you making
it 2"
'Me9 OH Use kicking, but not
high; futtering, but can't y."-Detrot
Free Press.
WORSE OFF THAN THE TRAMPs.
"Gittin' pay for that 2" he asked as
he came along to where q man was
shoveling snow.
mot a red
"Then you're q fool!"
eyes, l know it, but I own the house
and lot. don't see how to get around
it. t."-Detrott Free Press.
A PRACTICAL PLAN.
az say, old man, when l asked you for
a loan of ten dollars, why did you only
send me nine"
"Ah, you see, the other dollar was for
postage"
For postage ~
eyes, on my letters askingyou to
square up:''-Rambler.
so MEAN.
eyes, Nellie, dear, l am going to the
Montreal Carnival. l don't care a bit
for snowshoes, tobog9ans and all that
sort of thing, don't yer know; but that
horrid old company is going to look over
Chariey's books, and the dear boy says
we must go. Companies are so mean"
BaZ0r.
NAME.
Mis- B. (who, though still young, has
been three times married oh, if |
were a man, I would make name for
myself
Ton, (vUbo 10 puD,har +hraaN S+rilras