The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-06-04
ADVICE TO A YOUNG AUTHOR.
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 My DEAR BOY: If you had asked my opinion about becoming an author, l would have firmly, yet in all kind ness, have said, "don't." But as you have made up your mind, will con tent myself with giving you the bene- fit of my own experience, for it would be useless to do otherwise, as young man of your age will always do what he is told not to. In the first place, you will have to select some outland- ish word for middle name. for I un- derstand that the editors of the best magazines will never read an article by an author who signs it by the name he was christencd by. Such d name as you possess-John Smith being enough to irretrIevably damn anything you may write, you must exercise great care in concocting sig nature that will immediately catch the editors eye. To have an orthodox middle name, you must select word of two syllables with the accent on the first syllable. At the present mo- ment l cannot think of better word than "Boycott." It possesses the merit of being very topical word, and. moreover very striking one. Just look how nice it appears in print John Boycott Smith. Why. my dear boy, such name would captivate the least sentimental of editors, and he would most likely take your article home and pass judgment upon it at his leisure. As you arc not a woman, l suppose it is unnecessary to caution you against ths use of italics. The editor doesn't care how many you use, but the poor man is the slave of the comp0Sit0r, who would immedi- atcly go out on a strike if he were asked to get down off his stool and walk to the italic ease. In disposing of your articles you will find it to your advantage te be acquainted in the sanctum, as it is better for an author to be on drinking terms with the ed itor than to possess genius. A little of your earnings judiciously expended will be like bread cast upon the wat CTS. Above all, exercise great care as to the time of your visit to the sane tum.
 Most editors are dyspcptic. and the fate of an article often rests upon the state of the editors digestion. AL ways avoid calling before noon, for an editor has an aversion to copy on an empty stomach: on the contrary. you should beard the lion in his den after luncheon, when you will find him calm and atlablc over his midday cigar. Of the joys of authorship, will have nothing to say, as they can only be ex- perienced, not described. Of the sor- rows, l could tell you too much. There is the suave editor-the conti- dence man of his profession-wh looks kindly upon q gratuitous contri- button. Beware of him. because he probably pockets the money the com pany pays for your copy. Then there iS the conscientious editor, who will go to an immense amount of trouble to spoil your article The cd itor who has the reputation of being able to crack a good joke is almost as bad. If you send him good one he will probably not rest until he has murdered it. The jealous editor is another bad one. He will never accept anything that is better than he can write himself, because he is afraid the publishers will become dissatisfied with his work. Typographical errors will not Dc avoided by improving your penmanship. Stick to the daily and weekly press. and leave the big magazines alone. It is hard to have them read your article, harder still to have them accept it, but the hardest of all to have them publish it. Of course if you cherish for posthumous fame it is all well and good. As soon as vou have had an article accepted go and take a wife and raise a housetul of children. In your old age it will be nice to tell your sons and daughters of the glory that awaits them when your article appears in print long after you are dead and forgotten. As you have plenty of perseverance, and nerve there is no reason why you shouldn't prosper. You are lonely enough to succeed as man of letters. Allow your hair to grow long and tangled. wear eyeglasses and ape ec- centricities of character.