Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1887-08-04
WIT AND HUMOR.

n A11N' 80 N---N---~~
on an orange peeling on the pavement,
and sometimes he loses it in savings
bank.-LOuisUille Democrat.
A Pole was arrested in New York
for stealing lot of needles. Perhaps
he was a magnetic pole and the needles
stuck to him.-Bost0n Bulletin.
Carl notice that the American
baseball season is about to open.
Czarina-Yesp Czar-I feel sorry for
the poor umpires.-NetO York Sun.
"Now, John, 1 am dressed, let us go
downstairs" Downstairs. Why,
nv dear, / should think you were
dressed for going upstairs. ."-BOstOn
Courier.
Have You heard Sing to Me Only
Once Again'?" she asked sweetly.
mo, but / shall be delighted" he
said, with unnecessary feryor.-Detrott
Free Press. ....t
A novel pin for the hair or bonnet is
in the form of silver interrogation
point. The ladies can never get
enough of 'em - somehow. - Ne'o
HdUen NeUS.
The collector at Bombay has among
his curiosities a Chinese god marked
"Heathen IDOL" and next to 1T gold
dollar marked christian Idol."-Ltu-
ing Church.
A New York paper declares that
'the low-neck dress must CO."
Where? Even now it is sometimes
mistaken for a garter in the East
Peoria Transcript.
Perhaps some of the people who are
looking for nice, fat jobs could be.
accommodated if they would apply at
lard-rendering establishment. -
Washington Critic.
A lover of statistics has discovered
that your wife has to put in 19,9OS
stitches every time she fashions a
handmade shirt. And even then it
| doesn't tit.-SomerUille Journal.
Church committed to successful can
didate-What salary would you bel
content withP Candidate - Without
donation parties, $1,000; with them,
81, ,500.-Burlingtoa Free Press.
Private view at the Academy.-Mrs.
w. Coming down)-1t is delightful
this year.. Mrs. L. (going up)-Many
interesting picturesP Mrs. W.-O, the
pictures! / didn't notice.-LJe.
Friendship is very poetic, and ro-
mantle, and all that, but as a general
thing when man wants to borrow
$40 he will do better if he goes to an
northumberland Of Education.
1T is but step from the sublime to
the ridiculous; and the Sunday night
young man is apt to take it when her
father comes in impetuously at 11:S0
o'clock.-Journal Of Education.
Mamma-Ethel, dear, noticed that
young Mr.. Spriggs kept his eyes on
you all through the sermon. Ethel
Why, isn't Sunday the best day for
him to show his devotional feelings?-
IId-BitS.
Bobby was inspecting the new baby
for the first time, and his dictum was
as follows: II s'pose it's nice 'nough,
what there is of it," he said, without
enthusiasm, ''but I'm sorry it amt a
parrot.
DR.. Lyman Beecher once replied to
an inquiry of DR.. Halves, "How are
you getting on?'' "First-rate! first
rate! frst-rate! ever since / stopped
trying to run this world" - LiUing
Church.
Husband-"Did you have much of q
good time at the sewing circle this
afternoon?" Wife--"No, was awfully
bored. There wasn't anything said to
shock ones sense of propriety" -
Te1as Sytings.
Mother, have l got any childrenp"
asked little Johnny Fizzletop. "Why,
no, child; what put that in your headp"
Il read in the Bible about children's
children. That's what put it in my
head. ."-Te1as Sittings.
A popular writer, who sometimes
has bad spell, wrote the name OF
the illustrious author of "Pilgrim'S
PROGRESS" as John Bunion." His
publisher suggested that it be put in a
Notwithstanding Church.
Washington husband Ito wife, who
is to give a grand balD - Are the
arrangements completed? Wife with
sigh, of satisfaction Yes; even to
the ordering of the police from the
station-house- It'd BITS.
First citizen-''I say, Jack, this is a
, queer April, isn't it?" Second citizen
-"Yes, rather; but is it any queerer
than usualP" First citizen-'I thing
so-a good deal; haven't lost single
umbrella yet!"-Neeo Haven Mesos.
, Il see that you can get Government,
land free in the West" observed the
, impecunious boarder at the breakfast
table. II think I'll go there and
settle" Mrs. Hardtack-''B Better settle
( in New York first. ."-NeW York Sun.
II want to put this package where
my wife will be sure to find it" said
Brown, as he was leaving the house.
'If that's the case" dryly remarked
his friend, "just run upstairs and put
it under her bed. ."-Harper's Bazar.
SIS the sermon done?" an old woman
was asked as she was leaving the
church. '~No," was the prompt reply,
1.-THE sermon is preached, bat it will
have to be done (and practiced) by us
hearers during the week" : LivinS
Church.
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