The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1887-02-16
Parental Friendship.
PHILADELPHIA Ledger. 7

1t is hardly possible to overestimate
the effect of home-training upon our
national and social well-being. The
lessons of the nursery, often held Of
slight account, come at length to form
the unconscious life OF society, and 1t Is,
generally speaking, not too much to say
that, as is the character of our homes,
SO will be the character of our nation,
with its government, its politics, its
manifold industries, and all its varied
and important interests. Of all educa-
ton, therefore, that which has for its
object the right fulfllment of parental
duties would seem among the most inn
portant. Yet, as general thing, that
relation is entered upon with only crude
and desultory ideas of the principles in
yolved; and, while intelligence and ex-
perience slowly bring measure OF wis
dom, it often comes too late for the
most pressing necessities.
One of the most important requisites
of home life, and one perhaps most fre-
quently overlooked, is the intimacy
that should exist exist between the
parent and the child. This is, indeed,
the foundation on which all good infiu-
ences may be most securely laid. The
control which is obtained through fear,
or force, or bare authority, has nothing
abiding in it. just as soon as the fear
is outgrown, or the force removed, its
power will pass away. But the infin-
ence which Is at work where real sym
pathy and friendship exist between
parents and children will abide long
after the relation itself is severed, and
will enter as a powerful factor into the
whole life.
There are two opposite extremes, both
of which tend to prevent this sympathy.
One is the prevailing fault of a past
regime, which only required of this re-
lation absolute authority on the one
hand and absolute submission on the
other. The training which the parent
was expected to give was simply
a training to obedience, to self-re-
straint, to sileuce and humility, and
by no means included any educa-
ton of the feelings or development of
the affections. It was even considered
duty to restrain the expression of natu-
raj love, lest it break down the barriers
of parental authority and tend to dimin-
ish respect. The consequence of this
tone in the family was to promote the
sentiments of awe, reverence and fear,
but at the same time to foster a secret
antagonism in the. young towards those
who were frequently thwarting and
Furnishing them.
Much of this has passed away, under
the influence of the spirit of freedom,
which, spreading so rapidly, has not
failed to penetrate into every home.
There are still, however, a few conscien-
tious but misguided parents who err in
this direction and stir up feelings of
enmity where love and confidence should
reign; but the spirit of the times has
drifted us into an opposite extreme,
equally unfavorable to true parental
friendship. The desire to impose no un-
natural restraint, and to grant all possi-
bic liberty, has had full sway, and the
result has been, in many cases, not
knitting together, but virtual separa-
tion, to a great extent, between parent
and child. Non interference has fire.
quently lapsed into neglect, and the in
experienced child, suffered to pursue his
own path, without restraint, and almost
without advice, has gradually drifted
away from the protecting love and di-
recting influence of the parent.
disastrous result, weakening of the
bond of sympathy, keeping apart hearts
that should be firmly welded together
In both the parent loses that hold upon
the child that enables him to mould its
character and guide its life. To steer
between these two dangers-to avoid on
the one hand, the austere discipline that
eDgenders fear and dislike, and on the
other the weak laxity and slackness that
verge into indifference, should be the
aim of every parent. To do this, is not
merely to seek an average between Sc
verify and indulgence; it is rather to
establish such an intimate relation of
love and confidence that the temporary
of the parent shall be the
keenest penalty, and the unrestrained
expression of his affection the sweetest
indulgence.
The friendship which should underlie
this relation is not that of equals; it has
a different root and bears very different
fruit. The authority of the parent,
wisely and lovingly exercised, the ODE
dience of the child, gladly and freely
rendered, are both essential to the
growth of this peculiar friendship. If
they are sacrificed to any false notion of
liberty, or to any selfish love of ease, the
whole fabric totters and falls. Yet that
they may rightfully fill their Office,
there must be firm, staunch and low
ing loyalty and fidelity, each to each.
The parent must truly sympathize in all
the child's experiences and feelings; the
child must look up with fullest conf
dence and loving trust to the parept as
his best friend. No pretense ofsympa-
thy, no protestation of friendship will
avail. There must be honest and genu-
inc feelings, tenderly expressed, not in
words alone, but in all the involuntary
and spontaneous action of daily life.
Founded on such an intimacy, and up
held by such principles, the homes of
our land will indeed minister, as nothing
else can, to the happiness of society, and
tho character and weIfare of Our nation-