Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1887-07-21
a1irainia FIRE gress.
HERE IND THERE.


1t is never too late to mend; but Il
man cannot expect to have a button sew
ed ON much after midnight.
Speaking of drinking it may be OBJ
served that the man who "can take 1t or
leave it alone" most always takes 1t.
A Baltimorean who has buried his thir-
tenth wife declares he VIII never marry
again. Sill the man Is evidently no
coward.
Mike McCoole Is dead. Michael was
prize-fghter, but he will live in htera-
ture. for he originated the famous phrase,
put up or shut up
Some Of the Republican aspirants for
the next Presidential nomination would
like to be as clear "out of the woods as
President Cleveland Is.
whats the natter Patz' More fun
in the family this morning, sor.' "Nes,
twins again =" "No sor Faith and its
triplets this time" YOU'RE getting ON.
~Gettin' ON, is it? BY hivins, sor, be-
lave the next1l be quadrupeds ~
An absent-muded Pittsburg preacher
remarked in eulogy from his pulpit
last SUNDAY that "death loves a mining
shark" Thcreupon four stock brokers
and man with a brother i'm Colorado
got up and lef, the sacred building.
4 Georgetown couple were playfully
cutting up" the other evening. The
gentleman made threatening gesture
toward his wife, when his four-year-old
hopeful sprcadcagled out into the middle
of the floor, shouting, Get behind me,
mamma get behind me.'
said Gov Oglcsby at Springfield, Ill.,,
the other day: No doubt, the Repubii-
can party was tired after being in power
so long. Weuecded rest, but brethren.
l want to say tina, ann thoroughly rest
ed" ~ the old gentleman is filling the
most honorable office in the State, his
hearers probably failed to see when his
personal rcpose was secured.
Mr.. Gladstone never set a squadron i'm
the field, or drilled am oil well, or ongi-
neered corner i'm wheat or twisted the
tails of the Wall street bulls The gay
American who does these things does not
often live TO be seventy-seveu years old,
but he crowds the yivac.ty aadvehemence
of seycnty-scycu years into thirty or forty.
lie lives much in q short time.
What's the matter, Mrs. Tompkn p
asked Flumly of his landlady. you
seem down in the mouth. Matter
enough. The new bcardcr has gone oh
without paving a cent of board. He
owed me for four weeks. But l don't
regret that SO much rs l do that let
him have his board for six dollar, a week
when l should have charged him seven.
I'll never make a reduction again.
A Shenandoah Valley Railroad COM
ductor IS responsible. tor This AN old
colored woman from Criegyr-yiiic wait
ed at the depot in LUray several hours
one day las, week for the train i'm order
to ride TO Marksyillc. During the time
it rained and ON its arrival the old lady
refused to get aboard. declaring Fore
God, chile, l amt going don't You see
how slick lie road is. TIN slip off dc
track, ,uah. No, indeed; walk all lie
way back Co Madison fust"
Miss SAWYER who is poor, was introdu-
ccd at a lunch party To- Miss Taylor who
is rich, and was coldiy received Miss
Sawyer Is bright and knows her own an
tecedents and Mis- 1aylor's also. She
was unaba>hed, and spoke cheerily: I'm
so glad % meet YOU. I've often wanted
to. Its so funny name Is Sawyer
and my grandfather was tailor, and
your name Is Taylor and your GRANDPA
ther was a sawyer. Mine used To make
clother for yours, and yours used 10 saw
wood for mine"
A new reporter had joined the staff
He was writing mp his first assignment
which was the rcSu>citatiou of half
drowned woman. The city editor looked
over the scribblcr's shoulder and this
Is what he read "Thc fair form lay on
the dock, and her short pants Tut
tut, young man" said the city editor,
"none of your lola realism not ON this
great religious daily drop that pants
business. The new reporter smiled soft
ly and wrote ON and her short pants
for breath showed that consciousness was
returning.
The editor of paper at Storm Lake,