Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1887-04-22
sQUIBs.
Motto for the policeman-Be sure he
tight, then club his head

Motto for the policemen-Be sure he's
tight, then club his head.
An appropriate name for an engineer
on cable car would be Agrippa.
There is long haul and a short haul,
but there doesn't seem to be any haul to-
Gether.
The Chicago baseball nine has Sunday
on the list of players. On the FIRST day
of the week when there are games the
players have TO look two ways for Sun
day.
A sisters love: Molly-'sNy dear Fan
ny, how do you think 1 ought to get my
new Spring bonnet trimmed Fanny
If you want it to match your face, have it
trimmed plain.
A girl may be like sugar for two
reasons. She may be sweet and she may
be full of grit.
YES" said Fogg, las success have
always been failure; but as q failure /
have been an unqualified success"
1t is great mistake to say woman's
browning glory is her hair. At this
season of the year it is her new spring
bonnet.
lady who was trying to read the let
tiers upon reversed sign inquired of
newsboy: "Can you read those letters up
side down. sonny?" Il pever tried, ma
am" was the answer; Il amt no acrobat.
Try some other Teller" And he went off
whistling.
The sauce age followed very shortly af-
ter the spare .rib was introduced. Poor
Adam!
The Gear of all the Russias has at least
one consolation in the midst of all his
| trubles-he is not bothered by life insur-
| ance agents.
Force of habit: Lady Gin grocery story
LET me have a pound of butter,
| please" Clerk (who used to tend in a
| cigar storeJ-"Miid or s.rong?"
Pastor-"well, what did you young
| people realize at your entertainment"
Member of the committee-"W have Just
| realized that We are S25 out"
A fireman who had rendered efficient
| service in fighting the fire fend in West
ern city recently died. His companions
sent floral pillow, on which was inscrib-
ed: He has gone to his last fire. The
| widow naturally objected to such sugges-
tive personal illusions, and fired" the
tribute.
Wife-You are such nice man.
Husband-What is it you want now.
Wife, want new dress.
Husband-But you must take the hard
times in consideration.
Wife-So l do. l want 10 give the
| poor seamstresses something to do.
Madam" softly said be- turning
To tie lady at his side.
While his f. WAS filed with burning
Bushes which he Str0ye to hide:
Madam, pardon my intrusion,
But you see the fact is that
I'm oppressed by the conclusion
That you're sittiag on my hat
A Newburg, N. Y, maiden chswed too
much gum and lost control of her jaw.
Two employees appointed in 1881 by
Andrew Jackson are still in the postal
department at Washington.
Although she is now 80 years old, the
widow of James X. Polk is in good health
with all her mental faculties unimpared.
Emperor William planted a chestnut
tree in palace garden on his birthday.
1t was most fitting for man at his age.
DIR. Henry ID. Cogswell, the San Fran
cisco millionaire, has given S 100000 TO
a trade school for boys and girls in that
city.
1t is rumored in Washington that
prominent society beauty and belle has
successfully besieged the heart of a we'll
known foreign minister.
Frank Jones, New Hampshire's great
est democratic politician, has bought a
Florida estate with an orange grove and
half mile of lake front.
There are no delays and red-tape waits
in the business of Russian government.
The men caught on Sundays for attempt
ing the life of the car are usually hang
ed on Monday.
There is a young lady in Dakota who is
successfully working 160- acre farm, and
she declares that she could work one twice
as large if the man who wants to marry
her would stop bothering her.
At the close of a prayer IA Getting in one
of Troy's churches, lady who had reach
ed the vestibule on her way out missed
one of Der rubber overshoes. She went
back and searched for it. Several friends
assisted. The overshoe could not be
found. As the search was about to be
abandoned the lady made the discovery
that she had put both rubbers on one
foot one over the other.
Missouri farmer, driving home at
night from st. Louis, dropped a coat and
bag of oats from his wagon without
knowing it. His dog knew it, though,
and, lying down by them, watched them
for three days, despite all efforts to coax
or drive him away. At the end of that
time the farmer came back. He said that
he had been wondering what had become
of his coat, bag, and dog, and hearing of
dog acting strangely on the road, came
TO see if it was his.
The other night at Hanover, N. II.
Arthur Chase, Jr., Dartmouth college
sophmore, got up in his sleep and broke
the window of his room, cutting his hands
badly, and then jumped from second
story window to the ground. The deep
snow broke his fall. He then ran up the
street, and, coming back, pounded on the
doors of his house until he fell fainting.
Next day he was none the worse for his
performance, though it was an entirely
new thing for him.
An old Albanian, who discovered the
Birmingham ore away back before the
war, took some specimens of it to New
York and displayed them to Peter Cooper.
eve can take that ore right of the
ground" said the Alabamian, proudly.
1 don't believe it," replied Mr.. Hewitt,
the present mayor, who was standing by III
the capacity of Mr.. Cooper's son-in-law.
"Why not?" asked the discoverer of the
ore. Because if you can" said Mr..
Hewitt, who was younger and little
palmer of speech then now, why the
blazes don't you do it? There's money
in every ounce of it."