Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1887-02-02
Mistellamepns &eadiua,
MIR. AND MRS. BOWSER.
By MRS. BOWSER.

MIR. AND MRS. BOWSER.
BY MRS. BoWSER.
Mr.. Bowser is a great man to "break out
in spots." The other evening, after he had
lighted cigar and got his feet braced on
the mantel, he suddenly observed: =.
'Mrs. Bowser, has it never occurred to
you to call me Judge?"
"Never ~ promptly replied, for he had
complained of the biscuit at supper.
"Nor Colonel?"
"While l could probably have gone to the
Supreme bench, or been commissioned Colo
nel," he softly continued, 81 did not care for
the honor. am not one, Mrs. bOWser, to
clutch at titles in order to lift myself up,
but didn't know but it might please you
to he known as Mrs. Judge Bowser."
81 don't want the title"
every we'll, Mrs. Bowser. If you have
no care for social distinction Pm sure l
haven't. Ifyour ambition sto plank your
self in the house with that Wall-eyed baby
and pay no attention to the demands of SO.
ciety, might as we'll join another lodge"
l felt bit conscience-stricken over the
Way I had acted, and after awhile l went
out and told the cook to call him Judge
when she came in with the last scuttle of
coal. When she came she managed to
bump him to give her an excuse for saying !:
Excuse me, Constable-eXcuse me"
There was a solemn silence for five min
utes after she leftthe room. Then Mr.. Bow
ser observed:
"Perhaps, on the whole, Mrs. Bowser, it
would be as we'll not to attempt to call me
by any title. Hired help is so stupid, you
knows" .. E..
On late occasion, as our fireside was a
| :,oooo of roooo op1 hoppiOacc Mr. ROWSpr
softly remarked:
"Mrs. Bowser, whenever it comes handy
you'd better throw out hints to your lady
friends that you were educated abroad"
"Why?"
"Weil, it will increase their respect for
YOU"
"But 1 was educated at the little red
school-house at Perryville, you know, and
have never been out of the State"
'Don't talk so loud, as Jane may be list
ening! I told friend only the other day
that l was educated abroad, and had been
through all the art galleries of Europe"
"What place did you say you studied at"'
Zanzibar"
"Why, my dear, that's in Africa! ~
"It is! Now that shows what you know
Zanzibar is in Germany. Mrs. BoWser, l
don't want to crow over you on the sub
ject of education, but when you display
such lamentable ignorance of geography
have to feel glad that my school days were
II say it is in Africa"
"Mrs. Bowser!"
"And I'll prove it by the atlas!"
"If YOU do I'll give you $50 in cash !"
I got out the atlas, and there, over on the
east coast of the Dark Continent was Zan-
zibar, as every school-child knows.
"I'il take that fifty" quietly remarked.
"No, you won't! Some fool of map
maker has gone and mixed things up, and
| Pm not going to pay for it. When know
that Zanzibar is in Germany, l know it
just as we'll as the atlas or anbody else."
"Did this friend of yours ask you what
master you preferred"
Eyes, ma'am, and was posted there, too.
You may think I 60 sloshing around with
both eyes shut and my tongue hanging out,
Mrs. Bowser, but that's where you are dead
lame. told him Longfeler."
"But Longfellow was not painter at all,
he was poet"
He drew his breath until his face was as
red as beet, and he jumped up and flour
| ished his arms like wind mill and finally
got voice to roar out:
'I'll bet you nine hundred thousand
million quadrillion dollars to that old back
comb in your hair! Mrs. Bowser, such as
sumption and assurance on your part is un-
bearable!"
"Jane may hear YOU"
"Jane be hanged, and you, too! Mrs.
Bowser, demand an apology for this in
sult!"
"Wait till I prove that Longfellow was
not an artist, but poet"
"I'll give you million dollars if you
do it.''
l got down the volume of poems by Long
fellow which Mr.. Bowser had given me
about year before, and then l went to the
encyclopedia and made tight case on him.
He was at first inclined to give in, but di-
rectly he struck the table such blow that
the baby screamed out, and then shouted
81 see how it is! You are looking for
Longfellow all the time, and l distinctly
stated that it was Longteller! If the print
ers have got drunk and left the name out
am l to blame""
"Mr. Bowser, 1 believe will say was
educated abroad. I will do it to please
YOU"
"Well, you needn't do anything of the
kind! Folks would all know by your
freckles that you sat in the sun in some
country school foundry! Mrs. Bowser,
you've broken up the peace of this freside
| by your malicious conduct, and you needn't
| sit up for me tonight. may not be home
before tomorrow !"-Detron Free Press.
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