Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-09-29
SQUIBS.

man may scott at religion and laugh
at the pleadings of revivalist, but it
takes but very slight cold to bring him
to his sneeze.
1t is said Job never lost his patience.
This warrants the inference that he never
undertook to explain base ball game to
a woman.
Nobody who pretends to be anything
in society, and belongs to the better
classes, will have a cold in the head now
adays. Hay-fever is the proper thing.
paragrapher was put on the markets
TIE other day, but when he headed a fall
in india-rubber Scum Drops" he was
restored to his former position.
Mrs. Drew, pretty Connecticut widow
while walking in her sleep fell into
| well. Mr.. Down, who was up, drew up
Mrs. Drew, who was down.
First Omaha Dame-What handsC me
pie? Second Omaha Dame-Yes;
they are strangers and are stopping at
the st. Blank Hotel. "Both have such
happy faces. l don't suppose either of
them know what trouble is.' "No, they
are only engaged yet"
If the embassy now in Philadelphia
want design for paper currency the
wash tickets from any Chinese laundry
would furnish good basis. No attempt
at counterfeiting these has yet been
known.
The trouble with most all ministers
| is that they don't hear other ministers
preach often enough to know what
really frst-class, bang-up sermon is.
| It has been learned that extremely
| tight Iacing produces softening Of the
brain. It has long been known that soft
ening of the brain produces extremely
tight lacing.
Military titles are common in the South,
but no young man can obtain a higher
| appellation than Captain until he is over
81. 1t is impossible to make maj or out
of minor.
Robby was inspecting the new baby for
the first tine, and his dictum was as fol-
lows: 81 s'pose it's nice enough what
| there is Of it," he said without enthus-
iasm: ''but Pm sorry it amt parrot"
Highwayman in Pullman palace car
"Your money or your life" as you
| 'dressin' dose remarks to me sah?" "You
bet L am. Hurry up" "Well, I'm de
pohtah of dis yeah cah." ooh! Excuse
me. How are you, comrade?"
Housewife Ito new domestic =" There
is one thing wish to say to you. The
last girl had habit of coming into the
parlor and playing on the piano when
ever she felt like it. You never play on
the piano do your" "No, mum; but o
think Oh cud learn wild little shown
from you"
Simkins Cat Ashbury Park What
rollicking chap the parson is when he
gets into the water! Simkins-Natur
Everything loses its gravity in the water.
While climbing the rugged mountain
scenery near Austin young lady remark
ed to her escort:
ss'How strange that all this world should
have been created in the short space of
SIX aaysw
The pretty nurse girls to be seen
wheeling about young aristocrats do not
wear those with caps as the badges of
service; no, indeed; they wear them to
indicate that they are not the mothers
OF those homely brats that accompany
them.
A brother in prayer-meeting in neigh
boring town the other night prayed for
the absent " who were Frustrated on beds
of sickness and sofas of wellness."
Her Excellent Memory.
lady walked into city store a few
days ago and inquired for the carpet
department., to which she was conduct
ed.
'sYo1 see," she explained, II bought
piece of carpet here for my parlors, and
Samuel, my husband, says nothing will
do but we must have more like it. So l
want to get the remnant. don't remem-
Der the clerk that waited on me, but I'd
know the carpet if I'd set my eyes on
it,"
Three clerks were kept busy an hour
and half unrolling carpeting for her
Identification, but the desired remnant
didn't come to light.
'Dear ne, this is very disappointing,
said the lady with tone of vexation; Il
felt sure could find the rest of it."
"When did You buy the goods, madam"
inq uired the clerk.
ooh, twenty-five or twenty-tbree yscTs
ago. I know it was just about the time
of Lees Surrender, and Samuel wished to
celebrate"
"Ah, madam" said TIE clerk, ssthe rem
nant has been sold"
Mr.. Powderly contradicts the report
that be contem plates resigning the Office
of Master Workman of the Knights of
Labor.
The doctors and lawyers of Waukesha
have arranged to meet on the bail dIa-
mond Thursday. The stake to be played
for is supper to be served at the Ameri-
can house.