The Ohio Democrat. (Logan, O. [Ohio]) 1886-1906, 1887-05-21
l,MEKyLN CLUB.
A Dsatardly Deed Which Lcd Brother
Gardner to Deliver . Sound Lecture.

Inc thirteenth dastardly attempt TO
destroy Paradise Hall was revealed at
five o'clock Saturday evening when the
janitor arrived to place the hall in
order for the usual meeting. Ever since
the attempt Of last October bear-traps
and spring-guns have been set at every
door and window when the hall was
closed, and this fact was generally
known to tho public. The human
hycna who had resolved in his own base
mind to destroy the headquarters OF the
club procured Ladder. mounted to the
roof, and then cut u hole and descended
alongside of chimney. In this way
he thought to escape all dangers pre-
pared for him, aud he no doubt
chuckled with ficndish glce as he
dropped down into the library. His
first move was to dcmoish the bust of
Cicero. This was one of the first busts
donated to the clnb, and has represented
Horace Greeley, Napoleon Bonaparte,
Franklin Pierce, George Washington
and several other distinguished men by
turns. The villain seized crowbar
standing in II corner of the
library and demolished the bust at one
awful sweep. He then started for
the club safe, doubtless intending to
drive the crowbar through and through
it,. and then vengeance overlook him.
AS he stepped into the passage behind
the sccretary's desk u bear-trap awaited
his coming with yawning jaws and
clashing teeth. What occurred is par
TALLY matter of guesswork. The trap
was found sprung and in its jaws was
q bloody boot. Bloody tracks led from
thence to the ante-room. and there the
bastard had raised a window and leaped
down on the roof of the grocery and es-
capped to the ground. The occurrence
probably took place Friday night, as the
policeman on the beat remembers of
hearing loud, long shrek about eleven
o'clock 1t sounded to him like the
voice of strong man about to give up
the fight for his life, and though he in
vestigated the neighborhood he was
made no wiser How the villain suf-
.fcred-how he wrung his hands and
vowed to live better life hereafter
how the sweat of agony stood on his
forehead and his eyes grew fiercely
wild-can be imagined by any one who
has visited the scene.
1t is supposed that he had "paT'
in the alley, and that this man finally
came to his relief and pricd the trap
open far enough to permit the foot to
be pulled out of the boot. AS soon us
the meeting was called to order the
janitor reported the case, accompanied
by war map, and Brother Gardner
arose and said:
my fr0ls. dis incident furnishes me
wild an opportunity to address you on
de subiick of Goodness VS.. Badness. If,
when baby was three days ole, he
could reason an calliilatc. he would
reason as follows: 'Hcah ar. sound.
healthy boy, wild Il big show of CROWN
up to manhood. De more kick an
yell an misbehave doorin' my infancy
de mo- spankin's I'll receive. De better
/ mind an de gooder ar' as II boy de
easier will 1 slip along. AS Il young
man I shall be upright an honest. AS
IL middle-aged man | shall act on de
squar'. AS an ole man l shall quit
chawin' plug tobackcr. read up on de
Bible an 90 to bed airly.'
'Wickedness doan' pay, tigger it up
as you will. We hev had many in
stances of it in dis club, an we ar sur
rounded wild 'em ut home When
Whalebone Howker stole II wheclbarrer
belongin' to Pickles Smith he ut fust re-
joiced an was glad. He felt dat he
was two dollars ahead of dc game, and
he poked hisself in de ribs fur II smart
man. Howsumeber. he hadn't had dat
stolen vchickle in his posscshun two
hours when his game rooster died. de
dog-catcher picked up his dog. an
man who owed him four dollars went
into bankruptcy. He could figger dat
he was eight dollars out of pocket. an
den Pickles foun' out who stole his
wheelbarrer an cum obcr an licked
Whalebonc widin an inch of his life
besides.
"Take de case of Rcrnuda Jones,
who Ibis mex doah to Condensed Cum
ningham. Bermuda sot down wild
piece of chalk an figgercd up dat wick
edncss paid two hundred per cent, an
he went ober to de grocery; backed up
agin Il cracker bar'l. an while he in
GAGGED de grocer in a religus discussion
wild one hand. he filled his hind pocket
wild crackers wild dc oddcr. He
started out of dat grocery feeling dat
he was seben cents ahead an still gain
in, but what was de result? A small
boy. who was in dar to buy cents
WORT of taffy, seed de hull performance
an told de grocer. Bermuda was fol-
Tered home, knocked down in the
kitchen an made to give up de fo' cane
seat cheers in his parlor to settle de
case. Did he profit by his badness?
Did he make any two hundred per cent.
on dat?
''Agin, take de case of Kurnel Letting
we'll Kabar. | had six Leghorn hens in
my coop, an he coveted 'cm. Instead
of comm to me in II frank. honest way
an offerin' to buy dose hens ut deir
value an gibin' me his note due in
thirty days, he steals upon my coop in
de gloom of midnight IN forcibly cap,
tiv;Ltes my poultry. He chuckled to
hisself ober his smartncss an he iiggered
up his two hundred per cent. profit. but
Nemesis war on on his trail. He left