The Memphis appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1886-1890, 1887-05-15
HOWELLS, THE NOVELIST,
TELLS THE STORY OF HIS HOME.
SICKNESS.
When n Little Printer He Yielded
to the Temptation Of
Cases at x.

Companion for May 18th: | canno
remember now whether it was in III,
early spring and after our first win
ter in the log cabin, or in the earl,
part of the second winter, which
found us still there, that it was Just
| ly thou hit fit | should leave thes,
vain delights and 90 to earn som,
money in a printing Office in X
| was, though so young, a good coin
positor, swift and clean, and wher
the foreman Of the printing Office APP
peared one day at our cabin anC
asked if | could come to take thu
place of delinquent hand, there
was no question with anyone but my
self that | must go, For me, a ter
rible homesickness fell instantly
upon me-a inconsistencies that al.
ready, in the mere prospect of alb
sence, pierced my heart, and filled
my throat, and blinded me with tears
The foreman wanted me to &c
back with him in his buggy, but 8
days grace was granted me, and then
my older brother took me to x
where he was to meet my father at
the railroad station on his return
from Cincinnati. 1t had been snow
ing in the soft Southern Ohio fash
ion, but the clouds had broken away
and the evening fell in a clear sky,
applegreen along the horizon, as we
drove on. The color of the sky must
always be associated for me with the
despair that filled my soul, and which
| was constantly swallowing down
with great gulps. We joked and
got some miserable laughter out OF
the efforts of the horse to free him
self from the snow that balled in
his hoofs, but | suffered all the time
an anguish of inconsistencies that
now seems Incredible. All the time
| had every fact Of the cabin life be
fore me; what each of the children
was doing, especially the younger
ones, and what, above all my mother
was doing, and how at every moment
she was looking saw the wretched
little phantasm of myself moving
about there.
The editor to whom my brother
delivered me over could not conceive
OF me as tragedy; he received me as
ii | were the merest commonplace
and delivered me in turn to the good
man with whom | was to board.
There were half dozen school girls
boarding there, too, and their gayety,
when they came in, added to nv
desolation.
The man said supper was about
ready, and he reckoned would get
something to eat if | looked out for
myself. Upon reflection, | answered
that | thought | did not want any
supper, and that l must go to find
my brother, whom | had to tell
something. l found him at the
depot, and told him | was going home
with him. He tried to reason with
me, or rather with my frenzy of
inconsistencies; and l agreed to leave
the question open till my father
came; but in my mind il was closed.
My father suggested, however,
something that had not occurred to
either of us: we should both stay.
This seemed possible tor me; but not
at that boarding house, not within
the sound of the laughter of those
girlsl We went to the hotel, where
we had beefsteak and ham and eggs
and hot biscuit every morning for
breakfast, and where we paid 81
apiece for the week we stayed. At
the end of this time the editor had
found another hand, and we went
home, where | was welcomed as from
year S absence.
Again | was called to suffer this
trial, the chief trial of my boyhood,
but it came in milder form, and was
lightened to me not only by the ex-
perie ce Of survival from it, but by
various circumstances. This time |
went to D, where one of my
uncles was still living, and he some
how learned the misery | was in, and
babe me come and stay with him
while remained in D.. | was
very fond of him, and of the gentle
creature, his wife, who stood to me
for all that was naturally and con.
ventionally refined, type of gracious
loveliness and worldly splendor.
They had an only child, to whom
her cousins presence in the house
was constant joy. Over them all
hung the shadow Of fragile health,
and look back at them through the
halo of their early death; but the
remembrance cannot make them
kinder than they really were. With
all that, | was homesick still. | fell
asleep with the radiant image Of our
log cabin before my eyes, and | awoke
with my heart like lead in my breast.
| did not see how | could get
through the day, and | began it with
miserable tears. | had found that by
drinking good deal of water at my
meals | could keep down the sobs
for the time being, and / practiced
this device to the surprise and alarm
of my relatives, who we're troubled at
the spectacle Of my unnatural thirst.
Sometimes | lett the table, and ran
out for a burst of tears behind the
uOuot, tNCly ulsuJ dll6T udTk CTI6u
there alone. But | could not wholly
hide my suffering, and | suppose that
after awhile the sight of it became
intolerable. At any rate a blessed
evening came when, returning from
work, | found my brother waiting for
me at my uncle's house; and the
next morning we set out for home in
the keen silent dark before the No
vember dawn.
We we're both mounted on the
italic footed mare. l behind my
brother, with my arms around him
to keep on better, and so we rode out
Of the sleeping town, and into the
lifting shadow Of the woods. They
might have swarmed with ghosts, or
Indians | should not have cared; |
was going home.
By and bye, we rode on, the birds
began to call one another from their
dreams; the quails whistled from the
stubble fields, and the crows clam
ored from the tops of the deadening.
The squirrels raced along the fence