The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-07-14
WIT AND UUMOR.

Ddht SADOAL
o'clock" New servant-'.Well, mum.
if l amt down TO it don't wait '-Har-
per's Bazar.
Phrenology is fraud. Look at a
mans trousers. If they bag at the
pockets he has money, if they bag at
the knees he has brains. -BurEington
Free Press.
A Connecticut man dropped dead in
a store where he called to pay a bill.
The impecunious will read in this an
additional warning to them to avoid
their creditors. Post.
Joaquin, it is said, has purchased a
tract of land at Fruit Vale, Cal, and
is going to establish Literary colony"
there. 1t is possible that they may take
to raising chestnuts.-BOsto'a Post.
The official title of the Governor OF
Rhode Island is Captain-General of
Rhode Island and Providence Planta-
tons. The title runs out of the State
into deep water.-Sdn francisco Alta.
Writing a letter is, to many people,
an irksome task; but it isn't half SO
irksome as it is to hear lawyer reading
your letter aloud five years afterwards
in open court.-Jour1aal Of Education.
Astonished her-in-law-'W q
pension! What in thunder do you
mean?" Son-ln-law-''Why, amt
dependent on YOU for support? Well,
| want to be independent-that's ALL"
Puck.
Simpson, fell IN love with my wife
fifteen years ago Kennedy-And you
have been in love with her ever since?
Simpson-Well.e r-not exactly. You
see, we have been married eight years.
The Judge.
Fogg-What do you think of Dole?
Bogg-I think he is one of the biggest
liars l ever knew. Fogg-Of course;
he said | was a fool the other day.
Bogg-Indeed! Well, may have mis-
judged him-IId-BitS.
Policeman (to tramp)-"You were
begging from house to house, and yet
l find 35 cents in small change in your
pocket" Tramp-"Well, yer didn't
expect me to have the So cents in $40
gold pieces, did you?"-Teras Syttngs.
Hair is coming down. according to
fashion journal-that is, in price only
and not from the top of the head. In
cidentally we observe that the theatre
bonnet is still there by a discourag-
ingly large majority Philadelphia
Press.
dot Abram Levi he opens a store
next to mine. 1t wash mean in him.
but didn't you say last summer, Mr..
Doppenheimer, that competition is the
life of trade?" Yes; but / wasn't in
no beesness last summer. "-Hdrper's
Bazar.
And how do you like my playP
Splendid! So original, you know. :"
yes? fear you wish to fatter me. !"
Not a bit of it. The characters are
quite unlike anything one sees in
real life, you know. "-Boston Trans
cript.
Lawyer Ito client)-1ou want to sue
Robinson for 5000 for libel, YOU say?
Ciient-Yes; he has blasted my
character forever. Lawyer-You think
$500 the proper amount? Client
Wen, make it $3.50. l only want what's
right.-HarPers BGzar.
What makes Mr.. Pottleton so I'M
popular, | wonder? He's good look
ing young man and quite intelligent
'.I es. But he writes poetry" "WeI,
that isn't crime against society, is it?'
mo. But he insists on reading it to
you, too. y Iol0n Topics.
First saleswoman-Of all the AFRO
giant, disagrceablc people ever wait
ed on that woman is the worst. | won
der who she is. Second sales~omaf4-
Why, that's Mrs. Chipp. She used to
tend at the same counter with me before
she was married.-Tid-BitS.
ut is a good thing to have friend
in need" said Brass thoughfully "Do
you think SOP" inquired his chum. II
ought to be happy, for all my friends
are IN need, Judging from the begging
letters get from them and he sighed
deeply.-Detrou Free Press.
A resident of Manville, R. l. has a
six hat which he bought several years
ago to wear at the funeral of his wife.
He has worn it three times since then,
having buried four of them. The hat
is almost as good as new, but a little
out of style.-Hatter and Furrier.
at was terrible" remarked Herr
Most to a brother nuisance, ''to
be deprived of my liberty and con-
fined behind bars of iron" ut
might have been worse John. What
if those bars of iron had been bars of
soap?" Herr Most shuddered. -NeU
York Sun.
You ought to be ashamed of your
self a great big man like you, to he
a beggar and tramp. You oughtn't
to be afraid of work" Il know it,
mum, but / can't help it. You see my
nurse frightened me once in a dark
room when | was a baby and l have
been timid ever since" -NeaO York
Mall
If some men would only put the same
amount of enthusiasm into saving
wood that they put into sitting on a
plank and watching nineteen men play
ball their wives could kindle the
kitchen fire every twenty minutes
through the twenty-four hours and
ssll have kindlings to spare.-Journal
Of Education.
The Pennsylvania Railroad has
broken up the largest gang of railroad
thieves, numerically speaking, that
ever infested this country. We are
glad the rascals have been caught
To the block with every one of 'em
1t is hideously wrong for railroad en-
ployes to steal. Accent heavy on en-
ployes.-Burdette.
Mrs. Young Honeymoon Ito husband
who is a railroad President)-And are
you sure you will always, always love
me more than you will anyone else?
Mr.. Honeymoon (absently)-Impossi-
BILE to say. You see, it is very doubt
full whether the Interstate law will
allow me to make any discrimination.
--Harper's Bazar.
No words can describe it. after few
hours the doors were opened and the
body fell through a trap door into a
quicklime grave below. This instru-