The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1887-09-10
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

FONSCNI
He has the best education who
best knows how to find out. b2ring-
field Union.
Some men vas always like der key
hole on der back of q clock. They vas
behint time.-NeW Age.
Never rashly precipitate yourself
into a position you may find through
maturer experienceyou are unfit to fill
-Flippancy is spurious form Of
wit that is made to do service for the
real article in this country.-MObiIe
Register.
The cares which are the keys of
riches hang often so heavily at the rich
mans girdle that they clog him with
weary days and restless nights, when
others sleep quietly. Walton.
IL do believe" said lawyer,
glancing at his opponent, 'that my
learned friend has been inoculated with
stupidity" Perhaps so; but the gen.
eral belief is that you have it in the
natural way" retorted the learned
friend.-M Y Ledger
Mrs. Young Ito friend seeking one
dollar for aid society)-T can't afford
to give you much, for have large
family to support" Friend why,
you are just married" Mrs. Young
Eyes. but our servant has mother and
eight children depending on her for
food. "-Judge.
Tho Picnipl-nr
Every picnicker hates,
With hatred intense,
The man who put up
That barbed wire fence.
-W0Sbinqt0D Critic
First Omaha Girl-"Dear me! the
paper says Miss Ramsey, II girl of
twenty, who goes to Cambridge Uni
versity, beat all the male students at
the recent examinations. Second
Omaha Girl-"Well, well! Took all
the prizes?" II suppose So" Poor
girl! She must be terribly homely to
be so smart"
In climbing the ladder of fame,
my son, you must not look for unmiXed
pleasure; the man just above you will
be continually treading on your fingers,
but then you have the satisfaction of
stepping on the fingers of the fellow
just beneath you. 1t is only he who is
at the foot of the ladder whose state is
wholly unblessed.
Cant somebody stop that run
away?" yelled a stranger in Detroit,
excitedly, as cab came tearing down
the street at break-neck speed, driver
and passenger both apparently frantic
with terror. THAT amt no runaway"
said an old resident carelessly; Its
the umpire getting away from the base
ball grounds. The boys must have got
beat. "-IndionapoliS Sentinel.
Strange" Cat ticket office window
--"When does the next train West
start?" Unintelligible grunt by ticket
agent. 'Is ii Il througn-t'-'2 or 3 ~
tcain?' Grunt. Young man, l am
the new superintendent of this road
and am delighted with the evidence
you give of long experience in your
position; your salary shall be raised at
once. "-Omaha World.
-Oindnd pOllIlcldH-' w ndI Qlu you
buy that thing for?" His Wife-"This,
my dear. is necktie, and | want you
to wear it." "What? Wear a necktie
and let my constituents get the idea l
feel myself above them. Woman, if you
had your way I'd be ruined" ''But.
we are going off on visit, you know"
30, well. hide it in satchel until we
get into the cars, then I'll put it y
omaha World.
Omaha Dame-"Don't you think it
is about time the title lady were be-
slowed only where it belongs?" Omaha
Philosophical certainly do, madam.
No word in the language is so mis-
used" Il am glad we agree so well.
Now if you would only give clesr and
comprehensive definition of the term
will do my share toward making it
public "a lady, madam, is human
being of the feminine gender who is not
afraid to be called woman. y Omaha
World.