Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1887-07-14
Uncle Jake Gets Eren-In His Mind.

"Well, Uncle Jake, what kind of o
time did you have the 4thP"
"a blamed good time, an don't yer
forgit it.
II saw you were billed for Beetown
and thought
BILLED fur nowhar; the chap that
printed that is a tuueful lyer, but as it
war the means of my haven picnic,
don't complain, tho | war fearful mad
at fust. When want ter erchieve err
reportashun as er celerbrationist. or
pose on er 4th er July or emmy other
platform, I'll blow my own horn and
wunt send er con ducter of one boss
omnerbus ahead as my advance agent.
Couldn't afford the hotel an other
bills. So when | herd the notiss read
outer the HERULD Jest SEE to myself,
I'll jest fool that ere poetercal COM
poserter by slippen up to Their Hub and
kitchen him. An l took err cupple
of wolf scalps ter pay expenses and
started. Wen got thar erbout the
fust Teller | struck was Brian, the son
uf Neil, and tole him what was arter
and he sed he'd help me all he could,
for he had or little ercount agin him
too (sharp clevar Teller that Brian.
And he narrated that Their war only
two kines of bait wood ketch them err
speechers of fish, but that wun err the
uther wood fetch i'm sure. An | asked
what kline Their war an he sed err ded
dog fish or at least two quarts of forty
rod cordial wood make him my meat.
An that Good get the last named at
the upper house, and the dog fish down
in the lake by the wooden mill Well |
went to the upper house, got that bait.
jes stepped out on Their runway walked
round the lower house with Their Jug in
my hand and then broke for Their lake
down by Their wooden mill to get my
dog fish (nice lake that, Their greatest
improvement the city hev accomplished
lately; makes fire engin entirly on
necessary Wal stepped inter skif'
but hadn't got fifty foot frum the
shore, when herd splash an l looked
around an dang my buttons, if tibet er
advance agent weren't jest in my rear,
an comm. So l jest held up the
bait and had i'm in Their skiff in err
jify. An he took Their bait an | Ian
ded i'm. An sot down on i'm wunce
an got the water outer i'm, and then
Civ i'm ernuther dose of bait an sot
down on i'm ergIn an then the poetry
the like afore; an thon | Civ i'm en-
nuther dose NV bait an throoe i'm
down an stomped on i'm, an of all
the revelations NV Their inner man |
ever herd or saw it beat all,-jest con-
centrated lie till yer coodn't rest; for
he promised to let the hunter alone.
an me alone, and to quit writin poetry
an to tell the truth, an never upset
his omnibus, an the Lord knows what
else. An then told him | bleeved he
was a truely converted composerter, an
he Good have Their rest NV Their bait, an
/ expected to hear err good ercount Nv
i'm, an so left i'm on the ragged edge
NV Their lake. An l heerd since that
he went down ter Beetown an erpolo-
gized to Their people fur deceaviug them
an that he was to Their Sunday school
Their next Sabbath, an that he has flung
erway ambition Nv all kinds. So you
see l got in my mishunary wurk in good
shape an had er good time, an so did
he.'i
"Now hev you got that all DOWN."
Eyes l thiukso, but is it all strictly
true? Some may call you prevarica-
tor"
"Whut's that? Ennybody call me
such name as that, an I'd wear i'm
out. True is it? Why Scribe that's
jest as true as that theirs alake up thar.
Bet you kin see the hole in the sand
on Their shore whar wallowed i'm Wit.
Trues l should remark" And Uncle
Jake picked up his rifle, clucked to his
dog and started out Indignantly.
SCRIBE.