News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-12-29
A WESTERN INCIDENT.

A WESTERN INCIDENT.
In Chicago-The lady is leaning Oh
the arm of an elegant and wealthy young
man, and leading her little daughter by
the hand.
Little Daughter-Oh, ma, na, look
there See that gentleman on the other
side. Don't you know him
Ma-N-no, my dear.
l.. D.-Why, mamma He was papa
last year.-TOwn Topics.
THE PAIN.
A Danbury man recently found what
he supposed was a mushroom, weighing
10 ounces, which he cooked and ate with
relish. Soon after he felt pain in
his stomach, which, falling to subside,
alarmed him. A stomach pump and
other salutatory methods were applied,
and he soon felt relieved. An exterior
examination, however, revealed pin
that had worked through from his belt
and was the cause of all the trouble.
HE NEEDED REST.
First Omaha Youth What's the mat
tsT2 Got day off,
Second Omaha Youth-No, I've re-
signed.
"What for?"
''Nenrly worked to death. The store
was always crammed full of customers,
and it just kept me on the jump all day.
Couldn't stand it."
''But what are you going to do now p
81 shall try to get q place in some
store that don't advertise.
FORTUNATE ESCAPE.
Some people were talking about a
young married couple who recently
solved the problem of unhappiness by
O divorce.
"How fortunate that they married
each other" remarked an old club
cynic.
"How 500" replied q lady.
"Why, if they had not and had mar
ried separately, they might have made
four people unhappy instead of only
two."
OF COURSE.
A man who had been arrested and
arraigned at police court, and required
to give bonds for a further hearing,
brought in citizen who said he was
perfectly willing to go on the bonds.
Gown any real estate? 2" asked his
Honor.
"No, sir.
"Got any money to deposit!"
"No, sir,
"Then how do you expect to go bail
for him %
"Why, he's my brother-in-law, and
mighty good fellow!"
SHE WILL MAKE HIM TIRED.
A young man and his father-in-law
went cunning. They returned about 6
o'clock, and were met at the door by the
bride of the younger man. The young
lady brushed past her father, and strok-
ing the face of the younger man affec-
tionately with her hand, she murmured:
''Is he tired, dear; is he tired2"
An old married man, who happened
to be passing, nearly tainted when he
heard it, while the reporter was exceed
inglv amused. The old man remarked
after the door had closed:
.sJust wait few years and the wife's
Greeting will be very different from that,
f'l bet. Time works wonders in such
matters as this.
HE WANTED IT.
Real Estate Agent-III be honest
with you, sir, so that if you rent this
house vou viii have no reason to com.
plain.
Prospective Renter-Wcll, what's the
matters"
"There's a general belief among the
neighbors that this house is haunted" "
"The deuce you sayl What sort of a
ghost?"
"a woman with long black hair, who
goes from room to room at midnight,
passing through doors and walls, and
finally vanishing"
"Just name your figure for that house
and I'll move in to-day"
"You're not afraid p
"Afraid Why, Tn running q dime
museum at Kansas City, and card like
that would paralyze the town. I'll lasso
that ghost or die.-Ne5raska State Jour-
nal.
HOW HE SAW IT.
An old fellow was sitting in front of
house reading newspaper where we
stopped to get drink one day. After
talking little he again referred to the
paper, and then said:
'I was ies' readin' a piece in the
paper here that speaks bout folks back
East somewhere eatin' their dinners at
o'clock at night-how's that"
"That's fashionable dinner hour in
some places
"Seven o'clock at night-afternoon-
after dark, mebby?"
eyes"
"Reg'lar, weekdays an all2'
eyes"
"When in the nation do they git up2"
ooh, in the morning., 8, 8, o'clock. "
"Well, I'll be teetotally chawed if !
ever heard the like of that Say, I'd
like to have some of them o'clockers
come and live with me an git up an eat
breakfas' at 7 an then go down on the
bottom an rassle with the old plow an
them red-roots 'thout any dinner till 7
at night, an if they wouldn't be lank as
q wet rag then I'm q liar! Dinner at 7!
Holy smoke, they must eat supper bout
the next mornin' some time !''-C Chicago