The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-08-18
manitomof pilot.
THURSDAY, AUGUST IS, 1887.
WIT AND IIUMOR.

aSoCo1 IC3 AOSfs
WIT AND IIUMOR.
There is an American college in
Rome, but it has no baseball club, and
is therefore never heard of.-Phttddet-
plsia Cal.
The years undisturbed possession OF
a setter dog will destroy the veracity
of the best man in America.-Mdc0n
(Ga.) Telegraph.
A poor little college does not make
man bigger by giving him title that
is to be added to his name and be-
come a nuisance forever.-Nes0 Orleans
Ptcayune.
A writer on political economy says:
Its the little leaks that tell. Yes,
indeed; little leak viii give you away
as fast as an overgrown onion
YonkerS Statesman
Young wife (petulantly)-"Well,
even if / don't come to meet you every
night as / used. what does it signifyP
Young husband-''That we have been
married six months. Life.
To look like the majority of the pic
lures IN fashion magazines a woman
would have to carry her stomach under
her chin and her liver in the small OF
her back.-Nea0 York Graphic.
1t is a problem of mathematicians to
decide which VIII make man start the
quicher, Canada thistle in his chair
or an invitation 20 ''nave something"
with friend. -DdnSUtRe Breeze.
Tourist-"H long has this been
prohibition town?" Native-''Six
weeks" Tourist (to his friends)-
We're all right boys. Here, Johnny,
show us the way to the best saloon. -
B4rdette.
Temperance" says an esteemed
contemporary, ''puts coal on the fire"
AWAY with temperance for the next
four months, then! What we want
now is something that puts ice on it
Brooklyn Eagle.
Lend me So / need them very
much" What for?" Il want to
pawn my watch" ''But you don't need
any money for that" Indeed | do.
/ must get it from the watchmaker's
first. "-JeWeLer's Weekly.
A possible tenant inspects a cottage
to rent. and inquiries about the quality
of the air. THE air! cries the land
lord, 1.-The air is wonderful. One be-
comes a centenarian quicker here than
anywhere else. "-Frerch Fan.
Blobson-What makes you look so
cheerful to-day, Dumpsey? Dumpsey
My daughter left the window open
yesterday and our piano was struck by
lightning. You can't imagine what
relief it is.-BurIingt0n Free Press.
Lightning knocked over three men
who were sitting on boxes in front of
grocery store in Paterson, n. j. One
of them was knocked sanseless. The
other exclaimed: ''Leggoi I'm comm
right home. - Burlington Free Press
A 3-year-old, who, afflicted probably
by the hot weather, had been cross and
fretful all day, was asked rather
sharply by his mother: whats the
matter?' Il want it to snow" was
the child's prompt reply.-Albany
Journal
A young physician who had recently
hung out his sign came home one dav
in high spirits. do you know, my
DEAR" he said to his wife, I'm
really becoming quite well known here.
The undertakers bow to me already"
French Fun.
Say" observed a distinguished
member OF Chicago's literary circle to
another; ''It's my opinion that this
Bacon cipher is good thing" lis
it?" replied the other greatly interested.
''Does it give points on lard, too?"-
Pittsburg Chronicle.
The professor was examining a
young candidate in law. The subject
being Inheritance, he said: when a
nephew inherits money from his
uncle what has he to dop" Nothing
in the world, mon professeur, except
to enjoy himself. "-trench fam
A great truth: Lager-beer is a bet
ter drink than whisky on a hot day.
better drink than lager-beer on that
same day.-New York San. Still
another great truth: And the less
you drink of either the better it will be
for you.
The Philadelphia Crematory Asso-
NidNiolt has IOlii l'ltiCA tio lJlttL0 Api a
| mortuary bakery. No furnaces will
be needed, because the requisit heate
| for incinerating human bodies will
be supplied by storing up the average
Philadelphia summer climate in large
receivers.-LJe.
There is a use for cats and neces-
| sity for dogs; circumstances justify
| babies and throw a halo of eXtenuation
| about the milkman and the tishmonger
the "scissy grinder" and the mender
| of old umbrellas; but he that keepeth
peacock within city limits is utterly
without excuse Toronto Globe.
The clever wife of a professor in
| western college once wrote in one of
those confession books where people
| put down their opinions on all sorts of
subjects, in answer to the question,
Nv hat is your idea of heroine?" "An
| educated American woman who does
| her own housework. "-BoSton I'rauel-
Ter
Employer (to new clerk)-Didn't /
see You coming out of Il billiard saloon
last night2 New clerk (frightened)-
Ie-ves, sir. Employer--you play
Employer-Wel after we close up I'll
go around and play you game for the
drinks. I'm something Of player my
self. -Net0 York sun.
Hello, Major" said the judge this
morning, Il haven't seen you for a
week. where have you been2" Been
hone sick as dog" replied the major,
You! Why, you were always as
healthy as could be. What in the
world made you ill?" W-H. | tried to
follow some rules on health saw n the
papers. '-PittS6'srg Dispatch.
There is a good deal OF TODD for con-
temptation i'll the remark attributed to
a Pacific coast Chinaman. He was
taken 70 see one of the honminr new