Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1887-11-19
AMERICANS HumoRrsrs.

you tell me what obscurity is?"
/" Yes'm," replied Tommy, "it's a
place wherea good many people go
after 'lection.-Puck.
Lady-Have you references I?
Whom can yon refer to as to char
acter, &C.?
Applicant-To yourself, mum; wild
confidence,
Lady-Me? Why, know moth
ing about you.
Applicant-That's the very ray
sum refer to yez, mum. Harper's
Basar.
81 hear that Billhover has gono
out with circus as Modern Sam
son?"
"He has? Why, never knew he
was an unusually powerful man?"
Well, you see he worken in a
commission house for ten years and
handled a great deal of country but
ter. ."-Lincoln Journal.
"What are you reading dearie,"
said young man to his wife, who
had the morning paper.
81 had finished the marriage
licenses, and was just coming to the
death-roll.
"The death-roil. The reporters
haven't been writing up your bus.
cult, have they ?'-Mercha'a Traveller.
Mrs. What's that ? Oh,
horrors the hotel afire?
Mr.. Blobson-- Yes, come on we've
no time to loose.
"But here l am in my night
dressl"
"Good enoughl I'm glad you've
got out of your ball dress into some
thing decent. ."-Baaington Free Press.
Mrs. Flumsy-Did / understand
you to say your husband was mem
ber of nineteen benefit societies?
Mrs. Rumsy-Ye the dear man /!
He's so thoughtful about us should he
die.
Mrs. Flumsy-Well, / guess he'll
die before long. Bless us and save
usi Think off How on earth can
he stand it to be out nineteen nights
in week Our Society JoarnOl.
First Omaha Girl-Oh! I'd like to
bite somebody.
Second Omaha What's hap
pened?
lyon know that horrid Miss
Pert?n
EYES,"
"She has spite against me, and,
when she found out that Mr.. Nice
fellow was coming to see me, what
do you think that horrid, envious,
jealous creature did
"Told him you had an awful tenn
per, / suppose?"
"No, indeed, she didn't. She's too
smart for that. She's the smartest
girl ever saw. She told him some.
thing which will just keep me in
misery, and If / do a thing to give
him any other impression he'll think
I'm a little hypocrite and deceive my
own friends. Oh, that creature is
smart. I'd like to bite herr"
But what did she say?"
"She told him was so shy that IL
he ever came within five feet of me
I'd get Mortified and never look al
him again. Omaha World.
i Employer-Do you owna bicycle
j Applicant-No, sir.
i Employer-Gosd! Do you belong
to a base ball club?
i Applicant-No, sir.
4 Empl0yer-Better still: Do you
go to see your girl every night in the
week?
| Applicant-Y-e-s.
Employer-Then you won't suit
Philadelphia p Gail.
| AT Broad Street Station Rich
Fussy Old LADY, guess I'm al!
], right; grip-sack, waterproof and
bundle. Oh where's my umbrella
\ Old Lady-And I've left nothing
behind?
I Porter--No, ma'am; not even 9
quarter. Philadelphia Cdu.l
"I desire to retire." said a Boston
guest to the proprietor of hotel II
Arkansas.
81 desire to retire."
You what 2"
81 desire to retire.
Well--I-I-I'll be burned if
; b'leeve we've got it in to house mis-
ter"
"Got wat ?'' said the amazed
guest. 81 didn't ask for any thing
Well, ask it agin an see if ! kir
ketch on"
at is strange you can not under
stand plain English. Isimply sale
, l desire to retire, that is, / wish Il
60 to my room."
"Oh-aw-oh! That's hit. Yol
want to turn in, eh? Whyn mt 20,
say so? We don't know nothin
) bout desirin to trtire' here in Ar
kansas. We just put off to bed"
And when he camo down stairs h
said to his wife: If that's the wa,
! they talk in Boston it amt no won
der there's so many fools there
! Desire to retire!'
J Well, I'll be burned ~ Taibas.
3 Female Physician-I was in hope
! of finding you up to-day, Mis-
q Binks.
Fair invalid-(weakly)-I wi
4 never be up again. j am on IN
4 death-bed. ] know 1t.
- Nj. Dad -. -. =. ..., =. /. =.