davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times. [volume] (Smyrna, Del.) 1854-1987, 1887-09-21

AcLrOa,'o Blood Elixir is the onIv
!. Blood Remedy euaran-
teed. Its positive cure for Ulcers Ernn-
IONS or ,Syphilitic Poisoning. 1t purifes
inc whole system, and banishes all Rben-
matte and Neuralgia pains. We guarantee
II. oold by James p. HOffecker, Druggist.
Smyrna times. [volume] (Smyrna, Del.) 1854-1987, 1887-09-21
Drunkenness, or the LIQUOR Habi+
POSITIVELY CURED BY ADMINISTERING 1ap
HAINES' GOLDEN SPECIFIC.

Il can be given in cup of coffee or ten
without the knowledge of the person taking
1t; Is absolutely harmless and will effect =
permanent and speedy cure, whether the
patient is a moderate drinker or an aIco-
none wreck Thousands ofdrunkards have
6 6een made temperate men who have taken
iGoIuen SPECIFIC IN their coffee without their
their their own free will IT NEVER FAILS
i l ne system once impregnated with the
Speelhc 1t becomes an utter impossibiIitv
Tor the liquor appetite to exist For fIiI
particulars address GOLDEN SPECTFTC
w. Ioo Race street, Cincinnati, Ohio.
Smyrna times. [volume] (Smyrna, Del.) 1854-1987, 1887-09-21

a ~ n, E%rreSs train leaving Harrington at : 40
Snd to and from Baltimore. ria Por,e .Gfoug6 ,
nasi,,i,r f. N iTdin ais stops at Laurel to leavo
Vr,Js ~ S rom wilmington or points North
AoIth,Cound trains leave Delmari55a M "a doi,
lover 9l6 a. M regularly; arriving ar IGi,iy'
Nh 20 35 a, n Baltimore CD a m and PbiIadai
H. I ne lo2 a. II. train also stops At saaror5
UI[ington Clayton ana Middletown ~ ieoT5,
on passengers for Wilmington ana , iiai OF taEe
n, He% Ggsa6 recommendation TrdinsEIesyc' T W
iidHgton go a. m. and 25Op m Te,v Co VII
gao a N. and 335 d m - I-eaN view CastIe
Smyrna times. [volume] (Smyrna, Del.) 1854-1987, 1887-09-21
Baltimore & Ohio R, R,
Schedule in effect July 3. 1857.
Trains leave Delaware Avenue Depot wum,nu
ton, as follows: ' Inning
Fast pnrrN-D

''"i''s leaVe Delaware Avenue Depot. WHINING
ton, as follows:
EAST BOUND.
philadelphia accommodation daily
~ tii,a1cip iiia accommodation. daily =00 ~
6nih!iiaieiPhla accommodation daiIy ~ a. II
~ iPnia accommodation daily IA IN a =,
~ PIMA Chester express daily II IA a =,
II, iiI:iid9ei pl!a accommodation, daily M = =.
81 !!iiaS ~ piid accommodation, daily S1O n =,
pii iiiiei PI!d y Chester express daily a q n,
d. t,iioSei l'niN accommodation, daily5IOb m
pi lat 10 llnIa accommodation. daily.6S0 n m
Nh accom- n daily except Sunday730 m
phiiS,5oi Di,ia y Chesler express, daily75S y m
iHl'"ueiphla accommodation daily gO0 n :.
WEST BOUND.
Chicago Limited daily ......... I'M
p2iII'NcS Chicago $50 next morning. - ~
C; ;,,S9, r'C9iii ~ aally except SundayS15a =,
Arrives C-i,,,.;,,,-ss = a'lly II % a m
49,, 80 IN SIncihha'i 145 a. m St Louis al N N
E1ta "a accommodation, daily. 9Oar -,
lineage and 81. Louis exDreSS "a H.. p m
Ni rG,, accommodation daily On p ~
:, ~ IN ANDENBERG 9 100 a m S,inja ~ =. N
n N, M a. an daily except sunday 500 AM oiig
Era Fdai rs l.; leaye Marke: Street Station:
isv Il, 5i,t"ueiphl3 $50 m, daily excent Su,.
ALL TOT Landenberg, $50 and II m u
HalIy except sunday; 900 a. m Snndot ~ 49,, d. m,
ana D % p. m, daily "iiuay only 2.45
- az dai ms i9r WilmingtOn-Leave Pbiladalnb;o
-, W HIu SUO a. m, daily Elsa m jeiI,,tt .-o ut
e. M 20, ~ ~ 10 a. m, daily: bon So0 ~
Fxn re-, U.SQ. $40 1000 p. m, daily. 3d.
G. X LORD W \, Gun.
Manager.
Smyrna times. [volume] (Smyrna, Del.) 1854-1987, 1887-09-21

Convenient, plea pleasant an ana, and Ger e
suits, are .Acker's Dyspepsia. TABLETS
Recommended BY physicians and endorsed
~ Az who have used them. The hest
remedy for Dyspepsia, Flatulenev. and
Sonstlp patton. Gnaranteed, and sold az 05a
by James 7. Hofecker. Druggist
Smyrna times. [volume] (Smyrna, Del.) 1854-1987, 1887-09-21
SEPTEMRER

%s-lf necessary the alternate
lays VIII be filled in making n
Leave Jennings Landing, hour later.
AS- Hack leaves Smyrna three.ouarters Of a.,
hour before the Boat starts. 1'i''iS Vi al
Smyrna times. [volume] (Smyrna, Del.) 1854-1987, 1887-09-21

- are sorrowfully let alone on
account a. Of. Dyspepsia. Acker's Dyspepsia
Tablets will cure Dyspepsia. Indigestion
ana Constipation; sold on a positive euar-
fecker, Druggist = -'0'-
Smyrna times. [volume] (Smyrna, Del.) 1854-1987, 1887-09-21

DELAWARE, MARYLAND d Vrpc1,s1,
: N a harrington tor Lewes iI05 a m and
ooy p. m For franklin and way stat,o M 4, 9I 10
a. m Returning train leaves evs s "a IIoo
SO ,i o m a. H. and 225 p. m. Leave franklin
QUEEN ANNE Il KENT r R-Too,.o
Ior Centreyile and way stations i6 N o%nSeh "a
f- WARE q CHESAPEAKE r R-Leave CIav,o,
=. m, week days 0' d. H. ana 5O2
Ga1hBGIbGE 4 STAFFORD r. R-Leave sear,ro TO-
wonE'jois5ae ana intermediate stations li.5Ga m
,,e N,ihCIi0NS-A Porter with Newark & uo1o
A A5ne SiE RalT39d At Townsend with Queen g
{ CbesS sI abroad AtClayt ton with DelSware
N SaPeake Railroad and BaltimoreE DoiaIe
1ay Kallroad At Harrington. with beisEaa.[oe
Can yldda virginia Railroad AtSeaford wit5
New YorE ~ Sgaiord Railroad. At DeImar with
rocomoke' and Peninsula Railroad "''oHilco y
TR wO0 TAS So +, PUGH, General Manager.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-05-12
An Englishwoman's Joke.

One of the society papers prints an
elaborate story concerning the unhappy
adventures of an alleged Chicago pork
packer in her efforts to enter the inner
yet at Marlborough House. As the
gtory goes, this ambitious woman was
very rich and had an endless amount
CT diamonds and pocket money. 1t is
said that she began operations bymak-
.ng direct oyertures to titled young
matron prominent at the Marlborough
House entertainments and standing
high on the list OF divinities of the new
club This sociely matron was known
in the story as Lady b. Lady B. re-
ceived endless invitations to dinner
from Mrs. Chicago, but all of these in
yitatiOns were declined. After time
Lady b. made a wager with very
high persona age-understO to be the
Prince of Wales-that she would put an
end to the invitations and at the same
time rid herself of the opportunities Oh
Mrs. Chicago. The next invitation
Mrs. Chicago sent to Lady B.
was accepted. On the day before the
dinner Mrs. ChicagO's cook left her.
but new cook applied for the place,
and, as she was recommended by an
intimate friend of Lady Bs, was ac.
cepted. The day Of the dinner came. but
with it there did not come the honored
guest. After waiting for over half an
hour the mortified hostess sat down to a
delicious dinner with her expectant and
disappointed friends. AT the close OF
the dinner there came the startling
news that the cook had disappeared
and had left upon the dressing-tabe a
note which read as follows: Lady K.
presents her compliments to Mrs.
Chicago, and hopes the dinner gavs
satisfaction. 1t was then discovered
that it had been part of the wager and
joke of Lady B, to play the part of the
cook for Mrs. Chicago, and to display
the culinary education received by hez
at the South Kensington School oj
Cookery. This is regarded as a very
clever joke, but it would appear from
the story that vuIgarity was not all on
the side Of the Sclf-seeking Mrs.
Chicag ago.-L0ndon Special to the NeU
York World.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-05-12
Advice TO q Young Critic.

There is young critic on the Bos-
ton press who is called upon to review
the greater part of all the books that
one important newspaper receives; and
as authors generally manage to find
out who their judges in the press are,
the fact has spread abroad among them
that their work in this instance is be-
ing reviewed by young man but late
ly out of college The other day an
elderly literary man met this young
critic and said to him:
Il suppose you won'tresent friend
ly word about your booh-reviewing
from a literary veteran, will you?'
Certainly not
''Well, you are doing pretty well; but
your work is sadly immature. | have
seen some particularly boyish criticisms
lately
Would you be willing to mention
some examples to help me to mend my
style?'
Certainly"
And then the literary veteran pro-
ceeded to name three particular book
notices as containing in every line the
evidence of immature judgment.
Il thank you very much" said the
young critic, .'but the first criticism
you named was written by a distin-
guished specialist in the department of
learning of which the book treated; the
second was the work of professor in
Harvard college; and the third was
written by one Of the most eminent lit
erary clergymen Of Boston"
Which. inaSmuch as it was the fact,
goes to prove that it is sometimes diff
cult to ''loeate" literary style in an un-
signed newspaper article. - Boston
transcript.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-05-12
A Novel Proposal.

The civil-service commission gets
great many very strange letters, but,
perhaps, the prize letter so far came
from a western lady, writes a Batti-
more A1nerjcan correspondent. She
wrote to say that she wanted a position.
''Yo on viii see by my letter" she wrote,
''that | do not need an examination"
Then she went on to say that the letter
would show that she was fully compe-
tent to fill the place she wanted. She
wanted place with a salary not less
than s., 900 or $500, land you will
see that | will be worth 5000 when
you finish this epistle," she added. The
position she wanted was "elOcutiOnist
to congress" She stated that she had
some reputation as teacher Of elOcu-
ton, and referred to Il number of
prominent men and one senator. Her
plan was to take new congressman for
so many hours a week and them to
rehearse their speeches to her, and she
was to correct the grammar, revise the
diction, and bring forth strongly points
they wished to make. Then they were
To "elocute to her" After a few days
of training she would guarantee they
could 90 into the halls of congress and
speak amid .'Iong. loud, and cOntinu-
Gus applause" She would annually
save her salary, she thought. because
she would lessen the time given to de-
bate and cut off superfuous speakers.
Only the advanced scholars in the
national school of elocution would be
able to talk for any length of time.
But she guaranteed that in less than
one year She would have every con-
gressman and senator "a perfect
orator" Besides, she thought. when
She graduated a speaker he would be
worth listening to, and the visitors in
the gallery would then be repaid for
sitting and listening to her pupils
on the floor One member, not very
far away from Baltimore, will. no
doubt, indorse the lady and apply at
once for place in her class, if she
gets the appointment. The civil
service commission, however, has no
such place to ill., and it will devolve
upon congress to decide whether she
shall start her class or not.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-05-12
Admiral Courbet's Brain Food.

The following yarn was spun me
several years ago by one OF Courbets
former mesSmates:
Some years ago, when the hero OF
Tonquin was simple lieutenant. he
was detailed in company with half a
dozen sailors to explore savage por-
ton of the west African coast near
Dahomey. For DAYS they had trav-
ersed the wilderness without meeting
anything in the shape of animal life
save monkeys, squirrels, small birds,
and like game, too spry to admit Of
capture. Exhausted by fatigue and
famine, the little caravan found itself
one day at eventide wandering help
lessly about in a jungle of outrageous
verdure. Suddenly one of the men
espied hut, neatly enscOnced in a
group of palms. Entering, they found
three negresses in the act of making
their painfully simple toilet. Having
cOnciliated the swarthy forest nymphs
by the gift of some glass beads, Cour-
bet demanded food. The dusky mai
tresses de la maison" bestirred them
selves with generous zeal, and soon
produced some eggs, which one of the
sailors broke into a saucepan and
placed upon the fire.
Now, what shall we put with
them?" asked Courbet. I'VE have
neither butter, lard, nor cheese"
Gazing around the hut, one of the
sailors espied a bunch of mushrooms
hanging on the wall.
In a twinkling the mushrooms were
seized upon and delivered to the cook
pro tenn, who speedily sliced them up
and flung them in the saucepan.
Upon beholding this brisk appropri-
alton of their stores the three dusky
DANES gave a frightful screech, threw
themselves on their knees before Cour-
bet and seemed by their gestures to
implore the restitution of their mush-
rooms. Vain prayers.
In due time the Omelet was cooked,
served, and eaten. Their hunger ap-
peascd, the unceremoniOus Gauls were
about taking leave of the victimized
ladies when five stark-naked savages
dashed into the hut with bloOd-curd-
ling yell. 1t was the proprietor ac-
cOmpanied by his four sons. Immcdi-
ateIY the women broke out afresh with
their plaintive howls, pointing to the
place whence the mushrooms had been
so ravenously snatched. The savages
took in the situation at a glance and
rushed upon Courbet and party, fero-
ciousIy brandishing their clubs. Cour-
bet lost no time in drawing his re-
volyer, and his men followed suit.
Thus armed, they advanced threaten
ingly toward the infuriated negroes,
who finding themselves immensely in
the minority, hastily modified their
maneuyers, while the father of the
flock stammered out few words Of
mangled English by way of explana-
ton.
Horrible revelation! From the
words of this old cannibal Courbet
learned that the supposed mushrooms
were no mushrooms at all, but simply
human brains which the provident
housewife was drying in the sun
against rainy day.
Courbet acknowledged afterward
that he had never eaten so savory an
omelet. Albeit the immediate effects
were DISASTROUS Free Press.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-05-12
SAVED THE NOTES.

A dOcter named Francois earned a
hundred francs the other day and had y
good deal of fuu into the bargain. \
Iady's pet dog swallowed a bank note OF
the value of !, 900 francs. 1t was such an
accident as has happened before IL the
worlds history, and 1t has usually result
ed, When tue amount lost was large, III
the immediate death of the dog. In
this case the lady would have sacrificed
the bank note rather than the innocent
pup, 50 she set out at once for the office
OF her family physician, DIR. Francois.
The doctor was first amused and then
puzzled The lady was sure the DOG
had not chewed the note all to pieces,
and she offered the physician 10 per
cent. if he should save 1t. He would
have done his best to please client ana
and so he tried the only remedy that
seemed TO offer hope. Doggy was plac
ed ID a char and pan was put in font
of him. Then the physician administer
ed an emetic. The dog took a gassful
without protest and without effect, while
his mistress stood by anxiouslY. After
that the dog seemed disinclined to swal
low more, but little was forced down
his throat and then the smell of the dose
became so disagreeable that what had
been taken speedily appeared and, happy
to relate the thousand franc note inciud-
ed. lG was intact and only needed q
patient drying. Doggy recovered in
half hour.-Paris Cor. PHILADELPHIA
Times.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-05-12
PEsTERED BY THE PENNILEss.- .-HarC

IESTERED BY THE PENNILEsS. sS.-Hardly a
day passes that Mr.. Jay Gould, Mr.. Rus
sell sage, Mr.. Cyrus w. Field aud other
men o. Influence III the financial world
are not pestered by persons with little
money who apply to them to be aided III
making fortunes In Wall street. The
persons are not downright beggars; they
are wiling 50 put up the little money
they have, but they want to 90 IL thrOu yh
the hands OF these eminent gentlemen,
believing that that course will secure
them sure and big returns. a reporter
sat III Mr.. Sage's office the other day
when man once well known in Wall
street came IN and Interrupted the con
veTsation between Mr.. Sage and the re
porter by saying that he was penuless,
bat that he had little credit III brok
er's office. Tell me what to do MIR.
Sage, the intruder said; "tell me what
stock to operate Ill for turn. That's
all l ask. | can't atfor to lose a cent.
My folks are in want of necessaries of
life" MIR. Sage told him that it was
pretty difficult to say what to do. bus
after thinking a bit told him to buy 100
! shares OF a certain stock. ~ think rou
viii make 500 on it, - added NJ. Sage.
out Il the market goes against you III
protect the stock Cor you" The man
made nus @l'Nj and little NOR and
next 2rsening, when Mr.. Sage returned
! Tome Mrs. Sage showed him letter
| from the wife of the man who had APP
! pea.ed for aid thanking hor III the warm.
! est terms for the conduct of her hus
| Dand.-NetO York San.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-05-12
Beecher'S Leather Note.

If certain promiSsory note made
upon piece of leather is found among
the assets Of the late Henry Ward
Beecher it will be dated Saratoga" :"
and it will contain the signature of a
Saratogian who expected to reap a rich
harvest by having the distinguished
divine lecture in the Town Hall one
evening several winters ago Unfor-
tunateiy. the weather that night was of
the blizzard pattern, and the attend
ance was Il numerical disappointment
to the individual management. The
lecturer was to have begun at o'clock,
but he did not ascend the platform till
S:l5. 1t subsequently leaked out that
the person who had engaged Mr..
Beecher was financially heart-broken
at the result. and was able to hand him
only a portion of the $3.50 agreed upon.
Il will give YOU my note for the bal
ance, said the Saratogian. THAT is
a good idea, said Mr. Beecher. ..but
allow me to suggest that you make it
out on leather, in order that | can the
better preserve IT," Whether the
leather note relic is found or not. the
incident illustrated the eminent pulpit
orators keen appreciation of the ludi.
crous and grotesque.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-05-12
The Famous Lorenzo Dow.

| do not suppose that there are
half dozen persons here who remem-
Der Lorenzo Dow. the famous preacher,
who often visited Richmond and yicin-
ity about sixty years ago. Dow was
great character and always had large
congregations. While in the midst of
a sermon he would pause and say,
MY brethren, I'll preach TO you again
one year from now at this very house"
and he ALWAYS kept his word, even
though he had to walk fifty miles to do
it. By reason of his eccentricities he
was frequently the subject of joke
or anecdote. There is one which was
credited to him over fifty years ago,
but | think it was ill-timed and was
not, judging from what | have gathered
Of the character of the man. altogether
true. 1t was on the occasion of visit
he paid to this vicinity not long before
he passed to his reward. 1t will be
remembered that the people had great
faith in him and the illiterate had an
idea that he could work miracles.
"Once upon a time as the story
writers would say, Parson Dow stopped
at a log cabin near this city. His
host was a man given to drink, and all
the efforts of the wife to stop him were
of no avail. She asked the eccentric
parson If he could in any way help
her husband. The parsOn said he
would resort to prayer after supper
when her husband returned home.
Just before supper was announced,
however. the husband came stagger-
ing IN the cabin door. He was Jolly.
10 Il fTha GOOD r.
him with the information: ''Parson
Dow is upstairs in the loft" which
was the best accommodation that
could be given him. '.Is-s-s hep"
drawlcd the tipsy husband. ''We-l-l-l,
br-br-bring him d-d-down." This
order was obeyed, and presently the
parsOn came down. ''C-can YOU
Praise th-th-the d-devil, Pr-pr-Parson
Dow? If y-y-you can III b-b-believe
in you" The parson had seen a barrel
of cotton in the loft. An idea struck
him. He steps outside, gets little
negro boy, and puts him in the barrel
of cotton. The barrel and the boy
were brought down from the loft.
The tipsy landlord asked: ''Pr-pr-par-
son, c-c-can you r-r-raise th-th-the
devil?" Yes, if you give me a light, ;"
came the answer. A light was
brought. The cotton was set afire.
Presently out jumped the little black
negro, and the half-dazed husband,
frightened, but yet fully convinced Of
the parsons supernatural powers, ex-
claimed, amid excitement and con-
fusion. in the yernacular of the day:
''Pr-pr-parson, Him yore m-m-meat;
I-I-IH q-q-quit," and sure enough, he
never smiled again. "-Rjchmo,ad Dis
DQtcb.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-05-12
President Cleveland Saving His
Salary.

President Cleveland is said to be
saving three-tifths Of his salary. This
is thrifty showing for a newly
married man, to say the least of it.
Despite all the talk one hears about
the insutliciency of the Presidential
salary there is no doubt that it is not
only ample for all the requirements of
the office, but sufficiently large to
allow of the saving of a snug little
fortune every year besides. He has
no bills to pay for rent, heating or
lighting, and the staff of messengers
and doorkeepers provided at Govern
ment expense is sufficiently large to
obviate the necessity of hiring many
servants out of the Presidential purse.
The five State dinners required to be
given each year are, comparatively
speaking, inexpensive affairs. Prob
ably none of them ever cost over $500,
or $400 at the outside. The flowers,
which are ordinarily matter of con-
siderable expense, are furnished by the
White House conservatory and the
lighthouses of the Congressional gar
dens, and the music is furnished by
the Marine Band. At the receptions
nothing is served-not even ice-water.
There Is absolutely no expense what
ever attached to them. Every Presi-
dent managed to save some little
money out Of his salary. Mr.. Cleve-
land will retire at the end of his term
with not less, certainly, than &12O, 1000.
That is doing better, probably, than
any of his predecessors did. 1t as
suredly is more than he would have
made at his practice in Buffalo in four
years. On the whole, therefore, it
can be said without much fear of con-
tradiction that the Presidential office
is not half so bad an investment fnan-
cially as most people have been led to
believe by the statements appearing
from time to time in the newspapers.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-05-12
NEWSPAPERS READY FOR WAR.

London Letter; The other day had a
talk with one of the managers of a pro
minent London newspaper, who was
himself a war correspondent during the
Franco Prussian war. He say that ST.
fhough the outlook throughout Europe
is now so peaceful there is not single
newspaper which has not gone steadily
making preparations and employing cor
respondents throughout Europe in the
same way as if war were actually threat
enlng In the very near future. He said ::
The war is sure to come, whether this
year or next no one can tell. 1t comes if
1t comes at all, on very short notice. 1
am willing to admit that it looks peace
ful for this year. At the same time, We
know that it would not be safe to pro-
ceed upon the theory that peace is alb
solutely certain" He added: ''If there
should come a brush between France
aud Germany, [ am sure that Germany
would win again as she did before. France
Is to-day much better prepared for war.
She has good army and is well equip
ped and armed. But | have no con
tidence in the French officers. The
German officers are n superb class OF
men. They are absolutely perfect
in matters of discipline and in the
technical studies necessary to their
profession. That element alone Is
enough to give great advantage to the
Germans. 1t is very important for
France, if there should be war, that
sue should have victory at the outset.
The French soldiers fight spIendidiy un-
til they become discouraged. L have
seen them under fire. They do very
well if they have any good fortune.
But they have no staying qualities un.
der adversely. Under fire have noticed
that if the French soldiers cannot make
an advance within a short time they wav
er and fail back. They cannot hold
steadily a position under fire for any
| length of time"