Little Falls transcript., 1887-03-18
TO BE LAuG GHED At. :


N a MAN's income can never be correctly
judged By the number Of dogs he il able 70
keep 4. .o...z4 III. >:s r. e r. r.
sE a NEW YoaK man advertises to restore
old paintings. A witty exchange wonders
how many be has stolen. . ... Il .,2<.s s5,..t !
CHARITY, they say, covers multitude Of
sins;s but an exchange thinks there is not (
nearly enough Of it TO 60 round. %S 4,
"'CAx February Msrchl'' asked the pun
ster, with sickly smile, Perhaps not
replied the quiet maa, ''but April May" s'&
AN old gentleman being asked what he
wished for dinner replied: ''An appetite,
good company, something TO eat and q nap
kim @'tE = -
= the weather does not go back to first
principles it will not be long, says Rich
mond paper, before Florida advertises an
ioe palace. :,,."
CONSISTENCY may be a jewel, but the man
who expects two Thousand pounds Of black
diamonds in q tonis fuel So says the
New York bsdepAslest. .s,. .<.s,, .a= -
) THEtypes recently made reid and Farm
say that the showers were mot sufficient.
to meet the wants of the milkmen," ETC.,
instead of the ''miumen"
HAVE you ever made any thing out of
politicsP' asked citizen OF defeated can
didate after election. eyes," was the sour
reply; 'made fool of myself"
"PUcK" says: When you ask railroad Of
fcial at what time train starts or arrives
and he happens to know, you may put it
down as genuine railroad accident.
PAr1ssr--"Why do you watch the ther.
mometer on the wall 80 closelys" Nurse
because the doctor said if the tempera~
ture riz, should give You the quinine"
THIS country consumed eighty-one and
one-quarter tons of quinine during the last
year. And yet even that great dose was
not able to keep the country from shaking.
"HENRT, you are such a bad boy that
you are not ft to sit in company of those
scholars on the bench. Come up here and
SIT by mel" exclaimed an exasperated
teacher.
THE Earth is the name Of a monthly jour-
nal just started in New York. The Chica-
go Journal thinks it ought to have large
circulation, as there are thousands that
''Want the earth.''
"DO YOU object to smoking, Miss Flop
asked young Dumley. ''Not at all" replied
Miss Flo. but don't want pa to see me.
He's got old~fashioned notions about such
things, you know"
A NEw HAVEN man boasts of a cat that
sits up like kangaroo We've never no
ticed how the cat on our back fence sits up;
we only know that he yells all night like
hyena--Hartford Post.
BILL NyE says he is preparing a poem
entitled "The Umbrella" It is dainty
little bit Of verse, and his hired man thinks
it is gen., He called it ''The UMBRELLA
so that it would not be returned.
''TEN dollars fine for contempt of court"
thundered the Judge. ''What do you think
of that9' "Better make it twenty" he re-
piled, ''that amount Of contempt ought
never to 60 for ten dollars. ."-Lite.
TEE Sioux tribe Of Indians have a sub
Chief who is named: ''The.man-Who-ran-
so-fast- that the wind was -left-behindn -
The Detroit Free Press thinks it needless to
say that his squaw was after him with q
club. = - ~s~- 4" -
A New York exchange tells the story Of
tragedy under the startling headline:
..sFound Hanging by His Wife, But
where should married men be found, ii not
hanging by their wivesl asks tie Boston
Irossc,ipt. >~T :.
CUSTOMER lin restaurant) -"Waiter isn't
it strange that should find several flies in
my soups" waiter (somewhat amazed)-
~ 62lAl StEduko xOC d Inc, san, l6f Ol6 sea-
son OBJ the yeah.'' ...
girl at the railway station. ''No," replied
the ticket agent, lit is q branch" s'Oh,
Pm so sorry, for wanted to take four
trunks along with mel"
A CORRESPONDENT asked an exchange if
the brow Of a hill ever became wrlnkled.
The editor replied: ''The only information
we can give on that point is that we have
often seen it furrowed with care.''
SPR1Gas-"How much older is your sister
than you, Johnny?" Johnnv-'I dunno.
Maud uster be twenty five years, then she
was twenty, and now she amt only eigh
teen. I guess we'u soon be twins"
MAN vs.. MULE
All through life
Youn find this rule,
Mans kicker
Sos mule
-Washington Critic
FOOTPRINTS IN CHICAGO
Great men by their lives leave footprints
In the sands Of time, we know;
But their marks are slight compared to
Foot prints in Chicago snow. ~
-.Aerchant Traveler.
CITIZEN (seeking free information )-''Ii
you had 9 case Of dyspepsia, doctor, what
| would you dot" Physician--''''Iwouldt treat
the patient with my best professional skill
and charge him 9 fair price for it."
A FASHIONABLE lady, in boasting Of her
| new 'tpalatlal residence,'' said that the
windows were all Of stained glass. 'vrhat's
too badl" cried her mother; ..but won't
soap and turpentine take the stains outl''
| FATHER--"Have you named your dog yet,
Johnnya" Son-"Yes, ttir; I; Pm going to
call him after YOU" Father That's moi
very complimentary, my ssh. = Son--tsIt b
| all right; he won't know enough to care y
| "A FAsHIoN magazine says: .sThe new
/ pocket-books are long and slenaar.n The
New Haven Ness says: Eve don't know
| any thing about the length Of them, but on
the slender proportions we claim to be au-
t thority.'' S !, !.
THE ccunterfeiter while making hia
debut in the penitentiary remarked that be
was suffering fsom new-money-aT The
i people who heard It took him ont and tried
| to get . few years added to his sentence. q
Aarhawt 1Tasslv. S8..f "a / Z
stJoE, whist do you think of the brain,
food theory1,, aBiu, think there's q rood
deal IN IT, $50 do L Fam going to ea,
/ moro fish snd oysters. They're plenty 2
That's 80, Bill But whore do you pro
pose 20 get the brAinsi', sS
S Sax-s.Whati IS this science of palmistr.yy
Z hear % much aboutI'' He. The art 81
telling fortanes By the hand. z, 8he ~
ron tell my fortune " my handl,, He
NO; but i / had your hand ] cou1d tall 81, 81,
IoWn fortune. . he got & zssss'
TnB number OF newspapers printed Il
! this country IS IA 4g6 II mau does
Il ,nk ~ - ~ <,,,N 4I,. 10 -
4 hear ofs it II he gets mixed m Ia : piecl
I. of scandal, only u ont Of tlas q, - dnn,t
i hear of Il. g u. 4. Graphic.
An svsntng paper, q giving Z reporto
q q recent meeting of Ma6 6hers s1usa6 III -