Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-12-28
PLEAS4NTRTES,

GIVING Shippers TO clergymen has
gone out of fashion. The disobedient
children get them just the same, how
ever Boston Post.
"AND so you are connected with the
Daily Bazoo ?" "Yes." SIN an edi-
torial or reportorial capacity ?" Ed
itorial; Pm the affidaviter. . Puck.
MAGIsTRATE-"I'm afraid | will have
to commit you as nuisance" Pris-
oner-"But it is against the law to
commit g. nuisance. y Philadelphia
News.
A WOMAN was the inventor of the
hay press. A rascal at our elbow
says that she must have got the idea
from wishing to be Rugged on all sides
at once.
EDISON says only one-fourth of g.
ton of coal is used. The rest
goes up the chimney. Edison is
wrong. The rest Isl left at the coal
yard.-[Omaha Bee.
"WHAT do you sell that ribbon for? ?"
asked young lady in dry goods
store. eight dollars week-O, beg
pardon, so cents q yard, miss. y
Ladies' Wear Review.
QUEEN EMMA, of Holland, continual
~ winks while speaking. For this
reason she is obliged to have all her
prescriptions put up by telephone
Burlington Free Press.
THE way of the transgressori is prob
ably as hard as ever, but it still con-
tinues one of the most popular routes
and carries big excursions on every
train Nashville American.
CALLER Ito Mrs. Hendricks)
daughters husband is an A. NJ, is he
not, Mrs. Hendricks Mrs. Hen
bricks "a trife soury)-Yes, he is
about 2 o'clock A. M Sun.
ONE oungster-Weh have a nice can
opy top to cover our carriage. Other
youngster-That's nothin.' We have
O. chattel mortgage on ours that more
than covers it, pa says It'd Bits.
"WE don't care for the rain," said
one Baltimore girl to another, as she
raised an umbrella; ''we're neither gu
gar nor SALT" "No," replied the 9TH
or, "but we're lasses." -Harper's Ba-
Ear.
"HAs your husband gone to the
meeting of the United Sons of Toll ?"
"He has, sor." "Was he delegated ?"
eff that's O. heightened word for
dhrunk, he wor."-[Coos County Dem
ocrat.
"WNE is q mocker," said temper
ance advocate, gulping down about g.
pint of coffee. Coffee is q Mocha,
too," replied man across the table
and calledf for g. bottle of beer Wash
ington Critic.
A ROOSTER that strums on the pi-
ano is exciting the people of Salem,
Ill. There is one thing to be said in
favor Of such a piano player. The
rooster goes to bed at shutdown
INorristown Herald.
MRS. PARTHINGToN says Of her new
cook book; "NoW, g. book like this
will ONE into g. house like an oasis
in the great desert OF Sarah and be g.
quarantine of perpetual peace. -
[Marysville (Cal.) Budget.
JACK latter closely scrutinizing his
crying baby brother)-Do babies go
to Heaven, mamma ? Mamma-Yes,
dear, when they die. What makes
you ask ? Jack-Oh, nothin', / feel
sorry for the angels and fngs, don't
you mamma ?-[Rome Journal.
ONE of the "un5errifed" made lit
tie mistake on election day. He mad
been ''seen" and "fxed," not to &C.
quire his vote, but to retain it. He
then marched up to the poles and
handed in his tickets and with them
two little printed slips, each bearing
the legend, "Pay the bearer ST.
est. PETER-Who are you !? "Pm q
lawyer" "Did you ever move g. jury
to tears ?'' ono" "You were elo-
quent and able, though ?" ''No."
enjoyed q large practice ?" "No."
''Present this check on the inside
and they will give you a crown. - Neb.
State Journal.
You cannot always tell what people
mean by what they say; but when the
bottom comes out of the ash barrel
that a man is tugging and straining
to get up the cellar steps, and the
man says something, it is safe to as
sumo as general thing chat he means
it, Somerville Journal.
Boston young man Tin Chicago
s'Yes, I am naturally proud OF my an
cestry, Miss Breezy. Some OF my an
cestors came over in the Mayhower,
you know" Miss Breezy livery much
interested:) ''Oh, did they, indeed
Why, I saw the Mayfower when |
was in New York last year.
EEpoch.
'sYoUNG man (holding out q pocket
book)-"You just dropped this, sir"
Owner (scanning contents so, yes;
much obliged" Young man-"Much
in it, sir ?'' OWner-"About $780,"
Young man-"Well, isn't much
obliged g good deal to pay for only
$50. First thing you know you'll be
In the poorhouse. p New York Sun.
"WHo was the young man here last
night "asked q Z Street father of his
only daughter. "Why, papa, that
was my accepted lover" "Your low
er, child Why, 1 never saw him be-
fore What does he do ?'' "Do, papa
Do ?" she replied, in amazement.
"He doesn't do anything; he has
government position. - Washington
Critic.
BUTCHER Ito Bridget:) ''This bill