Morning journal and courier., 1887-07-08
EAS Y.

Wife-Now that you have bought a COW l who will milk it?
 Husband-Oh, he says the calf does that l So we'll have all the milk we want without l trouble.-Life.
 What it Lacked.-Husband-t My dear, l there's only one thing this angel cake needs 5 | Wife (who has offered him the result of her 1 first attempt" Whats that, John?" Hus-
 -'tWings. ."-Tid-Bits. l A Chicago man says he never saw cat with blue eyes, and offers $250 for one Cats with blue eyes may be scarce, but if he wants
 a score or two of cats with yeller voices, let I him visit this town.-Norristown Herald. 1 Amply Supplied of Firm-s'If our l collector has been rude, sir, I am sorry. l assure you we will give him no countenance." :" 1 Aggrieved Party" He doesn't need any he's got face enough now for anything" "- l Harper's Bazar.
 1 Baby's first words. Omaha dame-"Y Your baby seems very bright for his age" Kan sas mother-"Oh, he's just as smart as they yeta" 'tNo, he ain't learned that, but you just I ought to hear him lisp 'weal estate. ."'-Oma- | ha World.
 70, Rowena," exclaimed Voltegein Tape measure, dropping on his knees without a I struggle, "your beauty fires my heart" My daughter" said old Hengist Wheatcorner, l entering the room, 'sI will divide the con- u, l Which he did.-Burdette. l Patriotic hronology-Johnson, jr. (con- sulting calendar, with sigh of relief)-- 'tHi, nanny! de Foaf of July cum uv a Monday. Jes missedl S'pose it had cum uv Sunday" Mrs. Johnson-''Go long, l chile! Hit doan nuver cum uv Sunday. Yo' think dem folks whar fust got up de Foaf July gwine put it on a Sunday, when the folks cudn't joy deyseys nonea"-Har- per's Bazar.
 An excursionist yesterday sat down in | front of Jefferson avenue restaurant and went to sleep. Four cannon crackers were exploded under his chair with no effect upon him. He was shaken, but could not be awak- ened Finally one of his friends placed 8 sponge filled with liquor under his nose, and gradually drew it away. He rose to his feet, and still sleeping, followed the scent until he was led to place inside, where he could be allowed to quietly finish his nap.-Detroit
 Free Press.
 "Young Smith has compromised our
 breach of promise suit," said Chicago lawyer, "by offering to marry your daugh- ter"
 ''That suits me-" replied the old man.
 "How much do I owe you?"
 "Oh, about $300."
 'fThat's too much"
 Think soa I'll tell you what I'll do. Guarantee me a whack at the divorce suit
 
 Life.
 An Accomplished Wife.-''Ah, old fel- low," said an Austin gentleman, meeting an- other on the avenue, "so you are married at last. Allow me to congratulate you, for I
 hear you have an excellent and accomplished wife" 'I have, indeed" was the reply; "she is accomplished. Why, sir, she is per fectly at home in literature; at home in mu- sic; at home in art; at home in science-in short, at home everywhere, except"
 Except what!" Except at ome."-Texas Siftings.
 The Poets Dream.-Poet, reading news paper-"On the wall of the house where Shakespeare lived a tablet had been placed" :" Friend-''O, yes, it frequently happens that tablet marks the room where great poet
 lived" Poet, sighing-'I hope that some body will do as much for me when I am dead and gone'' Friend-:1've no doubt of it." Poet-'tDo you really think sos" Friend -sIndeed do.'' Poet-"And what inscrip- tion do you suppose there will be on the tab- leta" Friend-"Room to Rent. ."-Texas Siftings.