Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1887-06-18
BILL NYn.
OFFICE OF FREEDOMS BUGLEl J
HORN, WAHOO, NEB. I

- T~%@CVf ANEAbs
To Hon. !. @. A. Gall, Gen. Pass
and Ticket Agt. j. /. M. C. r. O
w. Ry., Chicago, Ill.
DEAR SIR:-Unfortunately yo,
have never experienced the elaC
thrill and holy JOY of my acquaint.
ance.
You have CROPPED through the long
dreary heretofore without the solemn
giadness that you might have en-.
Jooyed had Providence thrown YOU In
the golden sunlight of my smile.
have addressed you at this mo-
ment for the purpose of ascertaIninQ
your mental convictions relative tC
an annual pass over your voluptu.
Gus line.
have already taken your road
and, SO to speak, placed 1t upon its
feet. Time and again / have closed
my eyes to Unpleasant facts relative
to your line, because / did not wish
to crush young and growing indus
try. l can point to many instances
where hot boxes and other outrages
upon the travelling public have been
ignored by me and allowed to pass
by.
Last fall you had washout at
Jim-town which was criminally in
excusable in its character, but l
passed silently over the occurrence
in order that you might redeem your
self. One of your conductors, an
overgrown bald-headed pelican from
Laramie, and q man of no literary
ability and who could not write n
poem to save his measly, polluted
soul from perdition, once started the
train out of Wahoo when was with
in a quarter of mile of the depot
and left me gazing thoughtfully
down the track with a 150-pound
hand-trunk to carry back home with
me.
What did / do? Did / go to the
telegraph Office and wire YOU to stop
the train and kill the conductor with
a coal-pick? Did cut short his un-
profitable life and ruin the road with
my cruel pen?
No, sir.
/ hushed the matter up. / kept it
out of the papers SO far as possible in
order that your soulless corporation
might have new lease of life.
Another time when my pass and
pocket money had expired at about
the same moment and / undertook
to travel upon my voluptuous shape,
red-headed conductor whose soul
has never walked upon the sunlit
hills of potent genius, caught me by
the bottom of my pants md forcibly
elected me from the train while It
was in motion, and with such vigor
and enthusiasm that l rolled down
an embankment 100 feet with fright
full rapidity and loss of life.
A large bottle of tanzy and sweet
spirit hear my prayer, which had
concealed about my person to keep
off malaria and rattlesnakes, was
frightfully crushed and segregated.
Besides all this my feelings were
hurt and outraged, and SO was the
portico of my pantaloons.
Others would have burned down
water tank, or busted off a crossing
with the mangled corpse of the Cen
eral Passenger Agent, but / did not.
bound up my bleeding heart, and
walked home beneath the cold. un-
stars and forgave the cruel
| now ask you whether, in view of
I'll this, you will or will not stand in
.he way of your company's success. +?
Will you refuse me pass and call
iown upon yourself the avalanche
If my burning wrath. or will you
sranf me an annual, and open up
uch an era of prosperity for the j.
:. M. c. r. o. w. Railway as it never
,efore knew?
Do you want the aid and encorfr-
cement of the Bugle Horn and sue
ess, or do you want its opposition
nd q pauper's grave beneath the
'lue-eyed johnny jump-ups in the
ALLEY?
Ostensibly I am independent and
but if you are looking
round for a journal to subsidize do
lot forget the number of my post
'ffice box. / have made and un-
made several railroads already, and
makes me shudder to think of the
lorrible fate which awaits you if you
lold your nose too high and stiffen
our official neck.
Should you inclose the pass, /
would be very grateful to YOU for any
title suggestions during the year, as
0 what my fearless and outspoken
pinion should be relative to your
ompany. Hoping to hear from you ,
avorably In the contiguous ultimate
Y, l beg leave to wish you a very
leasant bon vivant.
Very sincerely yours,
BILL NYE.
Molder of public sentiment.