The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1887-04-13
MR.. AND MRS. BOWSER.
WHAT HE SAID TO HER IN PUBLIC
AND IN PRIVATE.


Mrs. Bowser Ventilates Her Do
mestic Grievances.
suppose that Mr.. Bowser is like the
majority of men in putting his best side
before the public. The other morning
when he left the house he knew that baby
was sick, had headache and the cook
was disabled by cutting her hand on
piece of glass. l had told him that we
were out of butter and coffee and pota-
toes, and he said he would stop and order
them. Once on the car he had forgot all
about it, and at half past II, meeting an
old schoolmate, he insisted
''Now you come right up to dinner
with me. 1 want you to see my house
and my family and have a visit"
''But your wife won't be expecting
company"
"Oh, you come right along. My wife
and my house are always ready for any
visitors may bring home, and your pres
ence won't cause us an iota of embarrass-
ment'n
At II o'clock 1 told Jane to pick up
any sort of dinner for Mr.. Bowser, and at
10 Mr.. Bowser and his friend entered the
house. Leaving him in the parlor, Mr..
''Get into your Sunday clothes as soon
as possible-dress the baby up-tell cook
to have three kinds of meat-send for a
waiter to wait on the table, and run
through the room and pick up things"
''NIr. Bowser, have you been idiot
enough to bring some one home to din
ner2"
OF course 1 have. What is there
wrong about that, I'd like to know2"
''Well, where are the groceries you
were to order2"
"Groceries9 II forgot"
"Jane can't use but one hand, while l
should faint away if 1 tried to dress
You'll have to take him to hotel"
''Neverl When 1 invite man to par
take of my hospitality I'll never skulk
him off to a hotel! 1t is pretty state of
affairs that my house is all upset in this
manner at this time Mrs. Bowser, you
and l must have a reckoning! Pll be
hanged if put up with such conduct as
this!n
And then he returned to the parlor and
1 heard him:
''Will, old fellow, find note from
my Birdie Chats mel stating that she has
taken the little angel chats our wall
eyed baby over to her sisters for the day,
and our idiot of a cook didn't expect me
home and has no dinner ready. Well
have to go down to the restaurant"
''That's all right. You've got beau
tiful home here"
"And the incest little wife, and the
prettist baby in all the world !" exclaimed
Mr.. Bowser, as he slapped his leg.
And the other evening as we sat by our.
selves he suddenly inquired:
&" Was a man here to-day to see about
selling me some fruit trees2n
"Why, no. What on earth do you
want of fruit trees2"
What does any one want of fruit
treesl l suppose your advice would be to
surround our premises with a line Of bass
woods"
I" But where can we put 'emY"
"We2 / shall set them out on this
lot, of course. l might just as well be
raising $500 worth of choice fruits each
season as to raise nothing but grass and
weeds"
Well, suppose you'll have your own
way"
ooh, you do! Well, if you can con-
vince me that the way of one born in
Coon Hollow, brought up on johnny cake
and educated in 10x12 log schoolhouse
is better than mine I'll adopt u"
Just then the doOrbell rang and he
went through to the door. Some friends
had come to spend the evening, and Mr..
Bowser greeted them with.
" Hip! hurrahl Well, this IS a genu-
inc godsend, and no mistake Pussie
Chats me- and l were just wishing some
body would drop in"
| entered the parlor after two or three
minutes and had scarcely welcomed the
visitors, when Bowser patted me a1Tec-
tionately on the shoulder and said:
"Now, cherub Chats me-, run and
bring our lite darling that's our wall
eyed and show him Off He's Just the
sweetest, cutest, incest little rosebud in
all this world, and everybody admits it. {"
We played cards and had lunch, and
during the evening Mr. Bowser called
me Daisy, Pansy, Sweetie, Darling and
many other fond names, and when the
subject of diamonds happened to be
mentioned he exclaimed:
''By George that reminds me! Say.
deary, we are to go down 10 Smiths at 10
o'clock tomorrow and have you select
the stones for your earrings"
When II o'clock came and the last
guest had been bowed off the doorstep.
the mammoth grin which had hovered
over Mr.. Bowser's face all the evening
disappeared like a flash, and he turned
on me with:
'Now, then, Mrs. Bowser, you got
that gang in here to break up my even
ing and eat and drink out of my pocket,
and if you see another new dude inside
Of six months you just ring me up by
telephone. n-Detr0H Free Press.