davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06

First Tragedisn Heard the latest on old
BI>kn.
Low Come,iian-No What is it.
FIRST rrageiian-N Why, y0u see he's been
ON the stage twenty wears and never got "a
hand in his life They gave him good part
in the new piere and he made up his mind
he'd get some applauS" II 1t cost him n leg.
He's got eight children, You know, and he
planted them iu a row Ia the orchestra and
told them all TO shout bravo AT the top OF
their lungs when he reached the climax of
ms big Srene In the second act hat did tine
kids do but get up and yell Bravo, papa" 50
you couid hear them all over the hou>e. IL
gave the old mans snap away.-Judge.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06
TSE gpiCYClOIoAt,

-Tis a sort Of mystical curve. 4 q,
kind ola sInuOus bend. = ~
A serpeutine swerve. N
That requires every nerve
That a man to effect II eau lend
The pstifdi batter stands there
ferpirNtd bS the IN and the drop
fwould nigh make u carmelite swrar
To s1e him thus mangllng the sir
With a soi; Vf barbarian chop
How little hc gIleSSes the ball
tan tra"e al aerial screw
He watches tn, rise aud the fall,
But secs no IN ,re winding at all
Than "A rUhn er IN kalamazoo
He secs not tine intricats CurI
Df the bali that z 80 Nv ing apast
Nor the circumgyTation anu swirl
Nor the spiral iantastical IwrI
Nor the 1igza,; refractior 50 vast.
Spectators observe him and grin:
The playing. they say, is 'immeuse,'
And a casual shot in the shin
j. not an unnatural sin
In the regular cham Of evrots
II the pitcher has something To say,
He looks at the catcher askauc-,
And speaks in enigmatic way
That silent patois OF the PLAY
With sentences hid in glance
So study that magical leer,
Aud watch every writhe of the wrist:
And when IN its switching career
You see the ball suddenly vrer.
Take care Of the tortuous twist
Joseph DAILY in Judge
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06
Tier. Were No Flies Upon HI. Darling

II ere Were No FIie. Upon His Darling.
My daughter remarked Weber avenue
paisrfanilias IN a burst Of confidence thi.
morning Il want You 10 keep our proud and
wealthy name in dutiful remembrance Keep
up your eyes, Evanseline, and when you look
about you for partner for life select one
who is worthy Of our name and future"
Il have selected one already. pa" said the
fair Evangeline AS the modest bushes suf-
fused the creme de lis ON her fair neck and
face.
~Hs' Speak quickly. Who is he's What
is hes For heavens sake keep me not in sus-
psnss!"
Its - it's Mr. Lorrigan, the baseball
pitcher"
Well done, Evangeline. There are no
flies on you my darling. Come to my arms
You have made me a happy man this time
Wealth and position have you gained by this
bold hit in the first inning And they both
went for joy.-StOckton Mail
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06
DEACON BUROt TIE.
His Out a. lieetin' Talk o. Topics That
Are Current.

His Out a. !i-etin' Talk or Topics That
Are Current.
CAN'T SERVE TWO MASTERS.
Brother Quickspeech," said the pastor
Gravely, but not unkindly, Il want u say
just word to you. You We got to have your
breakfast little earlier. or else move back
into the city" The brother gaSped for
breath Look here Elder Tyniall, he said {;
you are my pastor, but that gives you no
authority TO inter fere i'll my domestic ar
rangements, and III" Il can't help that, !"
said the pastor soemnly, but You can't miss
n train four mornings in the week AMI main
tain your standing and fellowship in the
church I've seen that all too clearly these
ten days past"
But HE Is NOW.
Mr.. Staylate has been entertaining Miss
Lila with an account Of the dOmgs OF the Kit
Carson Rifle club, and Is just entering upon
the preface to the introduction Of the ninth
chapter of the second volume. Miss Lila
with weary but heroic interestl-And are
you a good shot, Mr. Staylatei Mr. Stay
late tInodestlyl-Wel rawthcr; they do say
that yours truly spoils the bulls eye every
time he draws a bead. Miss Lila-l should
think you would make a splendid target
(Appalied silence Of all lnterrogatory nature. !,
Because You never would be missed
DEMAND AND SUPPLY.
Why docs young man wear a single
barrel. center fire eyeglass, my sonf Well,
because that Kind Of young man never
undeis stands more than half he sees. and by
shutting of one half the spectacle he man
E--- .ccut hsT ~-. 90 - -
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06

stranger lie said, as he rendered his
pocket pistol, Join me in drink. You'll
find tina, the reel old stuff
Thanks, no liquor, was the reply.
"WelI, will YOU smoke a cigarf'
Not any cigars'
An Old gentleman who had observed all
this grasped the stranger warmly 10y the hand.
"Sir, lie said, 1T fills my hea, with joy to
see youmg man like you turn away from
such vile dsStroyers."
Yes, sir, the young man replied, you see
I'm prize fighter ill training, and I've got
to 60 SLOW. New York Sun
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06

While the resi- of the country is struggling
with intense heat the philosophers Of Concord
are sitting quietly i'll the shade calmly dis
cuSsing matters of contemporaneous human
interest Aristotle" says one of these sages
of the east, saw the DISTINCTION between the
actual complete and the actual eternally
completing The sense world as it actually
exists is finite. but it has virtually an infinite
Potentially by reason OF the infinity of
thought If mfiuity is considered as oh iec-
tive and not subjective, we fall back OIL a
contradiction. Aristotle had 'em there
Kansas City Times.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06

Mrs. A. twho is taking French lessons)-
Now, Bridget, when Professor Banaue
comes you must say rntrez' to him, and he
will know what you mean aud come into the
parlor.'
The bell rings and Bridget goes TO the door,
IL is the professor.
"On ario,' says Bridget "Will ya walk
into the parlOr, SUR
The professor walked in, and Bridget re-
ported her triumph to tue cook.-Harper's
Bazaar.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06

Has yer heerd what happened last week
to Gabe Suoisrass:7
Il hain't heerd muffin about him sence he
left Austin last week"
Two trains run togedder. and Gabe's head
was cut clean of
Hes dead, s'pos-l"
"Of course he's dead, and he has been deud
ever sence"
Swell, amt spriSed bit. De las time
seed him he was lookin' poorly. an was com
plainin' of a misery in his chest, and he had q
mighty 'Spirhous looKin' gumboil on his
neck Texas Siftings.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06

swallowed half a pound of soft menhaden and
getting a hook tangled up with his back teeth
Meantime the bluefish was going through
the measures of a war dance on deck and
after long struggle l succeeded in getting
him calmed down, and then | plunged two
fingers down his throat TO extract the barb.
1 took what WAS left Of my fingers out again.
and took il out suddenly, and at the same
time made a few remarks The skipper then
told NE that hIs thirty two years OF expert
ence had taught him that the longer p man
deferred the pleasure Of ramrning his fiusers
into a bluefish's mouth the longer he would
have fingers TO use in other pursuits, and
replied quite passIonately that what it had
taken him thlity-two years 10 learn | had
found out in four seconds. Then he showed
me the artistic way To relieve a bluefish Of
the discomfort Of the hook, which was TO club
him over the head and then gouge the thing
out With knife.
BY c'clork we had eighty-three bluefiSh,
and sopie - those caught in the morning
were petty ripe Dick had stopped cLum-
ming, the wInd was fr'sLenIng up. and ~ the
skipper TOOK double reef in the binuacle
and We came home.-New York World
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06

De Bssss-Hays you seen Bsgley latelyi
De kaggs-No. Has he gone to the coun.
tryi
oh, dear, no! He is confined to bis house
and is feeling very miserable
IL don't wonder l heard him say some
time ago that lie was going to live according
tO some health rules PhiIadelphia Call.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06

"Clara," lie said, in u low, sweet, kiss me
tone Of voice, do you see yon twiuklng
star"
Il see plenty of stars" replied the tired
girl, VIII" WAS anxious to get to bed, but |
don't observe anything particularly 'yon'
about them. Don't lie foolish, George -
New York sun
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06

First PittSburger-Bee away!
Second Pttsburger Yes; Just got back
spent some time at prominent watering
place.
First Pittsburger-W which,
Second Pittsburger-At Jay Goulds office.
-fitt>burg Chronicle Telegraph
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06

well. Bunks. hear Charlie Friezner is
married. What kind Of wife did he get,
anyway
We'll. Jack, he got an anyway kind Of
one. Shes pretty good chunk of n woman,
weighs auout lJ0 and q kind Of don't care for
nothing Nunan. One OF these Il seeD.'
haven't saw,' awful purity L knowT
kind Kentucky State Journal
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06
Conscience Makes Cowards of Us All.

The great meSmerlSt and mind reader had
hirel hall on Post street and people fiocked
10 his exhibition. Among Others Frank took
his little inno,ent Hazel 10 the entertain
ment. She appeared uncomfortable for
awhile, and al length came out with.
"Oh, Frank, dearest, can he really read
peoples thoughts"
We'll, guess SO; at any rate hes going u
try"
Then, dear, let us get out of here right
now; for If lie reads mine shall be turned
out any way. San Francisco Wasp.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06

Teacher-Mary. and what is your LIST
namet
Young Woman-i can't tell just yet; but
guess IT will lee Smith Boston Transcriur
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06

They said she died of broken heart, said
the first woman, as they came up the car
steps.
Il don't believe il" sharply replied No. ,
But why
"Whvf Because she's had rs many as SIX
new tonnets year, aud not one of them cost
less than SIS Detroit Free Press.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06

A colored gentleman applied 70 Col Yer
ger. Of Austin, Tex, for employment,
Have you any references from yosr for
mer employers" asked Col. Yerger
Yes. has. boss. l'se worked under all
de superintendents Of de penitenshary for de
las ten years, and dey jess worshiped me,
boss Texas SiftiagS
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06

"Tve got splendid girl. | call her my hot
weather girl on account of her name
Nv hat is her name,-
Fan. : New York Sun
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06
THE YoCNS MANS soya

A rover. a rover fain would be-,
Id ride on the crest OF the rolling sea,
Aud slug % the billows this sous So free
Oh. ira la-la lah, iulliety.
No fears shah assai, Ine as on We sweep;
Ny tight little barky can mock the d--pi
On OCEANS soft bosom III sink TO sleep.
With, ira, la-la- lah. lulleity!
Yet something feel that's not quite right
4 sort Of sinking-my chest feels tight:
Hcm' still will sing TO the wav-s to- light
Oh! Ira-Lum-iah-lu -lu: oh. dear ~!
lv
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06

This is u most delicious fish" remarked
the minister. who was enjoying a Monday
dinner with the family Il suppose the mar
kets are well stocked now Mr. Hendricksr
Weller TO tell the truth" replied Mr. Hen
dricks, uneasily, Il caught that fish myself"
"Oh, did you" said the minister We'll,
suppose, when packed in ice. fish will easily
keep from Saturday until Monday New
York sun.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06

Why Nature MrepS.
II is said that MATURE Shudders
When 4 woman throws A stone,
And that when she sharp-ns pencils
Then all nature gives a groan.
But there's nothing that gives nature
More keen anguish and distress
Than Ia S-'e Il struggling father
With a babe he tries to dress.
-krys in Judge.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06

ou hunting Nocdcock he was bent
Aud. though that doesn't need much grit.
He TOOK two singers before he went,
To brace his nerves Bit
The liquor soon muddled his whirling brain.
A. liquor will often do:
And tue gun went of in IA moment vain,
And II took two fingers too,
New York Sun
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06
Cur-tailed.

Citizen to Sportsman-Sesms Is though
your dogs tail is sort Of banged.
Sport sman-Yes: shot of last season.
Burlington Free Press
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06
An Average Health Resort.

An Average Health Resort.
Omaha Man tat health resort expect
to leave tomorrow for home
Hotel Man-Ah, Got rid Of your rheuma-
tism.
No
"DysIepsisf
"No"
Got rid Of your neuralgia, msybs'"
No"
"Humph, You did not have anything else
when you came, did you."
Yes, had
did yor get rid Of itfn
Yes
We'll, that's encouraging What was 1,
you hsd'"
Money Omaha World
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06
Why Nature WsepS.

"HoI on dab! Doan' be ser tsre'be sud
den, Mstah Iufiiey Judge
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-09-07
What Keeps Some Husbands Thin
James Payne

James Payne.
| would solemnly warn all women
about to marry to ascertain before
hand that their contemplated hus-
band is not what is called fdget. A
leaning toward intemperance may
be greatly mitigated in husband by
ones keeping the cellar key and not
allowing him any pocket money; but
q fanaticism for being always before
the time it is difficult to repress and
impossible to extirpate. Better that q
bridegroom should not be at the church
door until after the rubrical hour, and
your marriage be postponed for day,
than that he should prove himself a
hdget by presenting himself at the al
tar before the clergyman or yourself
is ready for him. Your self-love may
suggest that such haste is only the re-
suit of his eager devotion; but do not
deceive yourself, young women-he
would have been at the church equally
as early if it had been to bury yeu.
Tompkins himself is in many respects
an excellent husband, and do believe
is very fond of me; but it is timeliness
first and feeling afterwards with him,
know. When business calls him on
q journey, only one eye drops a tear
at parting with his wife and offspring;
the other is fixed on the clock to see
that the cab is sent for in time to
catch the train. That catching the
train" is the thought that makes him
thin and keeps him so; much of his
time is OF necessity consumed in travel
ing, but not nearly SO much as he
spends in preparation for his Jour-
neys. The day previous to an exhibit
tion is mainly occupied in packing his
carpet-bag and writing up his direc-
ton labels. He leaves over night, as
in will, the most elaborate direc-
tions for the proceedings of the next
morning, with g. codicil, appointing
that heshall be called half an hour
earlier than he at first considered soon
enough. This last command is wholly
superduous, since he always wakes OF
himself long before the appointed
hour and proceeds to ring the house
up. Previous to this he has kept me
from my rest since earliest dawn by
perpetually getting out of bed to see
if it is going to be fine. Upon this
depends the momentous question,
"Shall he take his water
proof cloak or not?" If he does, it
should be strapped up at once with
the other things already lying on the
hall table ready for departure; not q
moment is to be lost. His toilet is
hasty enough, but not speedy; for in
his eager desire on retiring to rest
to have everything ready for the
morning, he has generally packed up
his brushes and comb, Or some other
Indispensable thing, which has to be
disentombed from the portmanteau
He generally shaves over night; but il
not, tremble for his throat, since ]
know with what imprudent rapidity
he is performing that operation in his
dressing-roOm.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-09-07
Girls Will be Girls.
From the Binghampton Repub

From the Binghampton Republican.
At Delhi lost So on bet with an
old weather-beaten glove agent from
Gloversville. A clergyman was stand
ing on the platform waiting for the
train, when the agent bet that when
the train pulled out the clerical gen.
tleman would seat himself in the sew
enth seat from the front OF the car, on
the right hand side. AS l was posi-
tive that the parties were not &C.
quainted, | naturally put up the
money. When the train pulled up to
the depot noticed the agent was the
first to Jump aboard, and when he
came to the seat that his money was
up on he quietly deposited his bay
colored grip and linen duster in it and
then made his exit from the car. A
bevy Of young ladies were just then
entering the car, and my friend. with
knowing wink, said:
"Now you Just watch them women
seat themselves around that grip
sack. They will fill every seat in front
of it and behind it and alongside of it,
and If they could get into the hat-rack
over it they would fill that, too"
He then rushed into the car and
grabbed the magnetizing grip and
buster from the seat, and as luck
would have it the clergyman, who was
next to enter the car, with O. meek and
resigned look humbly seated himself
down into it's soft cushions, probably
to mediate upon his next sermon.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-09-07
Don't Laugh at Nervous People.

Their sufferings are very real, although you,
with your vigorous physique and strong nerves,
can scarcely believe it. Rather suggest the use
of Hostetters Stomach Bitters, which, in re-
moving every trace of dyspepsia, and regulating
the liver and bowels, strikes at and extirpates
the most prolific cause of chronic nervous
trouble That nerve-shattering disease, fever
and ague, is among the formidable ailments,
TO the removal of which this genial remedy is
specially adapted. Nervous prostration, re-
sulting from prolonged mental or physical eff
fort, is also state of the system where the in
teryention of this tonic is very desirable, more
particularly as its use is to quiet and relax the
tension of overweight nerves. The Bitters are
invaluable in rheumatism, neuralgia and kid
ney troubles Employ no substitute for it.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-09-07
What They Have at Bar Harbor
Cor. Boston Globe.

Now We have Turkish rugs upon the
floors of gilded cafes, SO cent sand
wiches, $5-a,day smiles from diamond
studded clerks and hotel proprietors
in the place of Goldfish, CLAIMS, oilcloth
carpets and table,cloths, SIS per week
sincerity, and homespun flannel
shirts, fastened at the neck with bone
buttons. We have geranium beds
where once were BURBERRY patches and
red bunchberries, and we have fash
ionable claptrap, court trains, decol-
lete corsages, and naked arms, mas
culine swells and feminine firts in the
place of lessons in botany and geology
short flannel suits, high choke-neck
waists, long sleeves, steady.going
young men and demure maidens, who
sometimes INDUCED in sitting on the
rocks together at low tide, which more
frequently then ended in q bridal veil
and wedding ring than the present
Bar Harbor's romantic and Outlines
tragic firtations.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-09-07

mouthpieces have become very popu.
lar with some New York smokers,
while the Germans prefer for street
smoking q little meerschaum with g.
goose bone stem. The Anglomaniacs
made hard struggle to introduce in
New York the English fashion OF
smoking pipe on the street, but the
attempt was not attended with entire
success. Comparatively few smokers
in New York use cigar or cigarette
holder, but the great number OF those
articles given as presents during the
holiday season by wives who don't
know what else to buy and who hit
upon smokers outfit as q last re-
sort keeps the trade lively. If the
Teuton grandees who used to control
the amber mines of Prussia and roll
in luxury from their proceeds were
now alive and could have g. monopoly
of all the amber cut and sold in New
York they could live in grea grandeur,
for nearly all the amber in America is
handled in New York.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-09-07
Americas Chess Champion.
From the New York Mail and Express.

From the New York Mail and Express.
This country has produced the
greatest chess player that ever lived
Paul Morphy. 1t is nearly thirty
years now since that young man as
tonisned the European chess world by
beating all its greatest masters. Since
Morphv's time we have had many
good players in this country, and
have contributed some to nearly all
the great tournaments, but until this
year the championship of the world
has been held in Europe for q quarter
OF century.
True, we have had in this country
and city for some time gentleman
who claims to be the worlds champl-
on, and will doubtless continue the
claim-Mr. Steinitz. But the title has
always been considered as belonging
properly to the winner of an interna-
tlonal representative tournament, IN
which the player who proves himself
superior against various styles OF
play and various conditions has q
better opportunity OF comparison
than one who merely plays g. match.
The contest that has Just been con-
Guided at Frankfort, in Germany,
was fully representative of the world 8
chess talent. The best players, not
only of Germany, but of Austria,
France, Hungary and England were
there-such men as Blackburne, Zuk-
effort, Grnsberg, Taubenhaus, Schal-
lop, Bardeleben, Englisch, Berger and
Weiss.
In winning the first place among
such masters as these, and by q deci-
sive score, Capt. Mackenzie has DEM
onstrated mis- title to the worlds
championship. He won fifteen games
out of twenty, while his nearest COM
petitors, Blackburne and Weiss, won
only thirteen and q half, and the
once famous Zukertort won only
eight and a half. The only other
American in the tournament, Louis
Paulsen, Morphy's old antagonist won
eleven games.
All Americans ought to be proud of
this victory. Capt. Mackenzie has
represented this country in several in
ternational contests before, and has
always done we'll. Of late, however,
he has been developing greater strength
than ever before. His victory will be
popular wherever he is known, for he
does not belong to the genus irritable
of Steinitz and Zukertort, and is al
ways, in all places, the even-minded
gentleman.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-09-07

A UTICA man was walking home the
other night when he heard g. splash in
the Erie Canal and a. struggle in the
water. He at once plunged in to res
cue the drowning person, but found
that it was dog. Not to be deprived
of the pleasure of rescuing something,
he rescued ths dog and took it home
with him.
Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-09-07
COME to the bridal chamber, Death!

Come to the mother, when She feels
For the first time her first-born's BREATH
And thou art terrible!
The untimely death which annually car
ries off thousands of human beings in the
prime of youth, is indeed terrible. The first
approach of consumption is insidious and
the sufferer himself is the most unconscious
Of its approach. One of the most alarming
symptoms Of this dread disease is, in fact
the ineradical hope, which turks in the
heart OF the victim, preventing him from
taking timely steps to arrest the malady.
That it can be arrested in its earlier stages
is beyond question, as there are hundreds of
Well-authenticated cases where DR.. Pierce's
Golden Medical Discovery has effected a
complete cure