The Portland daily press., 1887-11-02
WIT AND WISDOM.

certain Irisman being Ill, wrote to his doctor,
SHEAR DoctOr-Will you come and see me? am
destroyed with govt, and BRING some goat Ineui
cine with you. Yours, etc, Martin Finnosty:.,
and asked the usual questions and then said
you wrote TO me and said you had the govt, and
told me to bring you govt medicine. Ies not gout
"Ah. dhoctor dear, faith an would hev said
so in my letter, but shure there was not wan III
the house that could spell It,"
Keep DR.. Bulls Cough Syrup at home. Physi-
clans prescribe it. Thousands takeit Price 20 cts
Mr.. Henry Mylandor well known tailor Of
Baltimore. writes:-''I do not hesitate to pro-
nounee salvation Oil a most excellent linment."
Tenant-Say there's million rats in that house
of yours.
Iandlord-Wen?
Tenant-What are you going to do about it?
Landlord-Do abont it? Nothing You don't
expect me to stock the place with white mice for
SlS per month, do you?
To get relief from Indigestion, bilious
constipation or torpid liver without disturbing the
stomach or purging the bowels, take few doses
of Carter's Little Liver Pills, they will please
YOU
An Eduivocal Welcome:
Laws. Mrs. Brown, Pm glad to see you. You
won't mind my goin' on with the washin while
you are here, Ell? l won't feel then that Pm
wastin' time"
Some people call the doctor every time they
feel an ache or pain, without stopping to think
that he can do nothing except to give remedies
and wait for Nature to work out the solution.
The proper way is to keep the stomach, which
is the great centre Of life, healthy. The ingre-
dents composing Quaker Btters are used by
the best physicians in the country, and will tone
up your system and give you new health
Use Little Quaker Pills; purely vegetable,
small and pleasant to take.
Appearances are deceitful,' remarked the 10
quaciOus traveller to his vis-a-vis Il bet you SO
that you can't tell what am"
"Takenl l should imagine you TO be gentle
man."
"Couiound-say now, that's not square," But
he paid the money.
That tired, ianguld feeling and dull
headache is very disagreeable. Take two Of Car
ter's Littls Liver Pills before retiring and you
will find relief. They never fail to do good.
20, Ccely dear, have you been to the dog show9
mo, haven't been at all Since poor dear
Carlo passed to the other side of the river I've no
interest in the dear creatures"
s'How sad But you might get another Carlo
another Carlol No-until at least year has
elapsed since he left my heart so lonely"
Sufferers from coughs, colds. bronchitis,
Group, influenza, or whooping-cough, will find re-
lief in WIsTAR's BALsAM OF WILD CHERRY,
which has for nearly half century, and still MAIN
tans its long-established reputation as the best
remedy for all diseases of the throat lungs and
chest
The faith cure doctor took the hand of his pa
tient and looking into his eyes, said: II can cure
you"
"Are you sure?" said the patient.
Every sure. All you've got to do Is TO believe
just believe you are cured That's all"
"All right; I'll try it. Good day"
Hold on q minute, my man. Havent you for
gotten something?
"What?"
1.-THE fee. l charge dollar visit"
"Oh. yes. Well, all you've got to do Is to be-
lleYe I'Yn maid and iI'll be all right.n