Telegram-herald., 1887-12-07
At THE EfESTAL BOARD
suslNgss 80 sNloy : sANoOeT.
fhiFa Aaeissrssrs Of the Grand Rapids
nere.stsis Association - A frsssrosl
Ssiherinx sssth Happy speseass-
Col Floyd Captures the f-ir SEX


The regular aonthly meeting Of the
Grsnd Rapids Mercantile Association was
held iAsE evening A. the w. c. +. U. rooms
Tue rouIine business vas rapidly disposed
cf aad al a. ciO1rnmant tzssa 10 ia Eagle
hotel. where q suniptu0as banquet Was
served. ia G0nor OF the third anniversary
oi the association. AT the meeting several
letters we're read from outside associations,
stating thzt delegates would be present a.
ths banquet Robert "a. Floyd. OF Chicsg,
read very interesting aud Instructive
article on Cloves" About forty sat down
10 the delicious Fepsst served Dy mine host
Johnston, after which the programme OF
t04sts for the esening.wss taken ap.
HI. A. Hyd0rn. the well-knO~n West
BFiige-st grocer. acted in the capacity Of
tozss- master With nis usual ability andipleas-
antne=s.
cur ciaiion" was responded to by
James A. Cove, President who deplored
the ,n4all attendance aud amused the as
sembly with some OF MS original Jokes.
the State Association" was replied 10 by
n. b. Blain. OF Lowell. in paper dwelling
on the success OF the association and It's
future prospects.
"rhe Press" was done up by z. B. Fisher
IN bis we'll known style. relating some his
tOricai facts in relation 10 the foundation OF
the press and it's wonderful power.
T.. j. Herrick made hayoc on The Re
taller" In lengthy article previously pre-
pared for the occasion. Ii was witty, pleas
ing and interesting.
"rhe next toast is Fish Liars by one
who knows how il is himself, Mr.. B-
+. Emery" said the toastmaster.
Mr.. Emery read an interesting pa
per on this subject, which was
inf fna k.ys mo
author in his experience AS fisherman and
fish liar" lie denied the appellation,
stated that he always tried TO tell the truth,
and was like George Washington In the
hatchet story on know cannot tell lie. =
Cooperation among Business Men, was
replied 10 by Myron II. Walker with a
lengthy paper.
The toasts concluded with a pleasant lit
tie speech rom that prince OF good fellows,
R0bt. NJ. Floyd OF Chicago. his subject be-
ing The Ladies'" The substance oil his
remarks was as follows:
There are so many ladies present that
will not hesitate TO say that there is no
known force equal TO that welded by wife
over the rougber other hall, aud 1t has been
proven time and again that the gentler her
nature, the greater the fosce.
Why, | have seen 2O6-pounder throw up
both hands and cry. Take my life. dear.
but spare my bushes" for she knew him
and could probe his weak spots with a
glance.
Let me tell the husbands here-and the
ones who hone 10 be--tnat when a man is
foolish enough to imagine be is pulling the
wool over the wife's eyes. hes the wootcd
one. not she. SO don't forget thls-l learned
| il early
AS Christmas-tide approaches, the domes-
| tic man gathers in the odds and ends to ~
the store closet, and. like the patient mule.
often is taxed and overloaded with demands
and bundles.
AS left home one morning, the parting
instructions were, Don't forget the butter. ="
II didnt) That night, with some help,
my bundles were safely placed on the car
| seat ard rack. All went well until. on
reaching the station, tried to pile thirteen
/ bundles on two arms, when away went bag
of crackers, scattering as the fell. Oh,
| yfsl | had 10 60 down on all fours 10 pick
| them up By the time / was ready TO leave
| the car, / was too warm for winter clothing;
| a seventeen-inch collar pinShed like hans-
mans moose. With all my struggles, the
| nine pound pail of butter could not be hung
/ on anywhere; SO, getting plying brake
| man TO drop il on the depot steps, turned
| nomeward loaded TO the gunwsle. Yes,
| thank you; the start was good one. but
| presently a bundle commenced to slip.
arms to ache and temper to-whew! BY
! this time, / was near enough home To
| whistle, but 1 couldn't get up pucker.
| When the front door was reached, kicked
| it-iust as any man would have done. 1t
| opened, and there stood my wife, who. as
4 the bright light tell over and lit up her dear
| face, made the sweetest image of perfect
| calmness had ever seen; and, then, with
| out offering to help her tired and mad hus-
| band, looked him all over and said well,
| where is the putter?'
Appreciating, as l do, the noblest of all
| Gods gifts--woman--I must caution the
| representatives of my sex; Don't forget
| the butter :"
Did she magnetic.
1 Psychologist,
Or mesmerize me. which,
L she human
Aud womaI.
Or as think, witch7
Though 81 o married.
Love hes lGrrei.
And my wife stili WORKS her spell;
magician
1has her mission
fits witchcrafs 10 il veil"