The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1887-05-26
a NASAL NOCTURNE.
How It Created Discord In Two
Loving Hearts.

When the matronly but still attrac-
tive widow Winchester decided to give
her hand and the remnant of her heart
into the keeping Of the much admired
and sought-after widower Browne, it
was after an exhaustive examination of
all that pro and con could offer. Pro
came out ahead by a large majority.
No children, a tidy property, good
looks, good health, good nature, and
very elegant manners-what more
could q reasonable woman ask for?
And yet there was another point
which the lady would have given a
great deal to have had settled; for, af-
ter all, upon this point everything else
revolved. Did Mr.. Browne snore? If
he did, then what were all the apparent
elegancies of manner, and charms of
disposition? To her, the veriest rubbish;
because the person who could be guilty
of such q practice must be natural
ly and irredcemably coarse and vulgar.
Mrs. Winchester believed that this con-
clusion was reached not only by strict
ly logical process, but, better still, by
the result of actual experience. The
cook who snored never stayed the sec
ond night in the widows house after
the damaging fact was truly establish
ed. Mrs Winchester might have been
idiosyncratic, but she was just. and the
cook offense had never been known to
be charged upon the waitress. This
lady had once sent away a most accom-
plished trained nurse during a critical
Illness, for this inexcusable habit, and
the woman. thus ANONYMOUSLY ex-
PEELED. despised herself ever afterward
for not having had the courage to say
TO her patient that her own accomplish
ment in this respect could not well be
surpassed. More than one Of Mrs.
Winchester's friends, anxious to pre-
servo this lady s esteem, had kept awake
all night when invited to share her
pretty room, rather than run the slight
est risk Of FORGETTING her friendship; and
their testimony, in each case, was a di-
rect confederation of the nurses, in
reference to the tuneful character OF
Mrs Winchester's respiratory organs.
But the widow knew that she never
snored. She might not boast to others
Of her innate delicacy and exquisite re-
finement, her dainty bric-a-brac nature,
but had she not long ago laid down an
adamantine proposition that such gilt
edged organizations couldnot snore?
The signs were all hopeful about
widower Browne, she told herself.
His shoulders were broad, and his we'll
shaped head vas poised upon them like
the Apollo of the Vatican. His nose
was straight and patrician, like her
own and SO could not possibly act as a
pipe for the communication a start
ling and disgusting sounds. Mr.. Win
chester had snored, and Mi. Winches-
ter, though exceptionally refined in
appearance, had also Sworn, and only
a few days after the nnptial knot was
tied; and Mr.. Winches.er had also
Clipped off some very substantial
chunks from his wife's brick of for
tune. More logic, more analogy more
living experience The reverse of the
proposition, that the man who swore
would certainly snore, was, according
o the widows reasoning, equally true.
But something must be lrisked, and
the comedy widow, taking her own nose
as the proper pattern of what a high
toned, properly conducted nose, by night
as well as by day, should be, finally
accepted her ardent admirer. Once OF
twice Mrs. Winchester had been almost
tempted to express the keeness of hel
feelings on this subject to the gentle
man who aspired to be her husband;
but to tall about snoring, even, was SC
manifestly indicate, that her super.
sensitive nature shrank back, ashamed
and affrighted.
The period of happiness and tranquil.
ity that followed the engagement wa:
rudelY broken in upon by a sharp attack
of malaria. and Mrs. Winchester wa.
%ordered to the sea-shore for two OF
three weeks. MI. Browne was at frs
inconsolable; but the fair widow sem
him one of her Enthusiastically elegan'
little notes, for the first time informa
and sonaeaohat affectionate, and thu
separation proved much less agonizins
than it might have been, and for thu
phenomenal cheerfullness of the woman
who never snored.
Mrs. Winchester was a trife in ad
vance of the season, and for nearly :;
week was the only guest at the prett.
little beach hotel. This solitude wa
very agreeable to the fair patient; bu
atlast it was invaded byoccasienal cit,
strasglers, running down to see hoy
the ocean looked, and what the chance
were for engaging rooms, and, to ca
the climax, the apartment exactly op
positc the inyalid's was occupied, AM
by a.man who snored.
.sOh. mann as foine a looking gintle
man rs We would wish to clap your tw
eyes upon" the chambermaid replies
to Mrs. Winchester's anxious inquiries
..Tlere's niycr no danger of burglar
in this house, shure."
..He might be a burglar and welcome
that is, if he could be"--the lady, log
caIly CONSISTENT, made haste to intel
~poiats--"ifh he only wouldn't-wouldn'
rospirs through his nose. But he toe