Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1887-03-29
Trayersinn Jokes.

TrayerSian Jokes.
Il never knew kindlier, warmer. hearted
man" said Mr.. Clews, speaking OF the nte
Mr. Travers "Many of his witty sayings
were at my expense, but they never hurt.
When Frank Lasie's paper published por
trails Of self men, mine appeared in
the series. Tcavers stood in the Union
Club with some friends one day as l came
in. Here's that s-s self made m IN man ,
be said Say, II FL Henry, why didn't ycu
D put some hair on t.t-top of your h-h.
head while you were about it?
When 10 Mills arrived at Key West FROM
n long visit to Havana he sent telegram To
Rufus Hatch announcing his safe arrival.
What did Jo telegraph" asked Mr.
Flower.
"Why," said Mr. Travers, she t,tthanked
God h-h-he was once more on t-terla
Gotta
The next day, after Mr.. Travers had seen
Mr.. Mills, Henry Smith asked him now Jo
looked.
81 just the q.same," said Mr. Trsvers.
"b-b but be says he feels n-new plus ulster. y
A former acquaintance in Baltimore met
him on Broadway, and, turning aside, began
to chat with him. You stammer more
since you have lived in New York." the
friend remarked in the course of the talk,
THAN you did in Baltimore"
BIB bigger place" Travers replied.
A story told about him in Brooklyn relates
TO q visit there to attend wedding of the
daughter Of a friend who lived in Montague
street. 1t was his first visit in the neighbor.
hood and after he had ascended the stairs
half way up the hill from the ferry he went
tho Moptou1Ia Tarro ond
length compelled to ask for directions. II
desire to reach NJ Montague street." he said
to q passer-by. "Will you b.be k-knd
enough to p.point the w.way ?' ''You are
g-going the wr-wrong w-way," was the slut
tering reply. This is NJ Montague street" 5"
Are you M making f.fun of II me m MIN
micking m me ?" Travers asked sternly
Mono, assure you, sir" the other replied,
with all due haste to repair an apparent
lack of good manners. III am b.hadly
afflct-atilcted With an ob.struc struction OF
speech" "Why d. don't you e get cured ?"
Travers asked with mischief in his eyes
"G-go to DR.. - and you'll g-get cured
D.don't you see how well | talk He
cured me-"
Once he was appealed to by O. gentleman
who wanted to sell mine. He showed all
the reports and said he had taken 81 100000
out of the mine. He was willing to sell the
property for a sum considerably los5 than
the amount prodaced' "If you ha-hadn't
taken anyth thing out | think | would
ia take the m-mine, Travers responded.
The famous Vanderbilt ball exercised
many gentlemen on the question of cbarac.
ter and costumes. Mr.. Clews was in o
quandary and he applied to Travers for
suggestion. 1t appears that Travers had
l.. C.s-
with Wallack, Mapleson and Abbey by
sending inquiring friends to them for per-
mission to select from their theatrical ward
robes. The story goes that the managers
had mildly limited to Trhvers that patience
with the fashionable had ceased to be vir
tue, and Travers was not inclined to favor
any more.
'Clews," he said, after some reflection,
"why d-don't you sh.shugar coat your
h-head and ego as pill?"
Going uptown with several brokers, Tray
ers spied q man selling parrots in front Of
St. Paul's Church.
III hold on, boys" he said mysteriously,
well have soms ffun." Hailing the par
rot seller, and indicating one of the birds" !"
Travers said &c can that p.parrot ttalk?''
"Talk ?" the man replied, with o contempt.
uous sneer, "if he can't talk better than you
can, I'll wiring his blasted neck" "C.come
on, b boys." he called out, this fun is
post D. poned until another d-day."
A young friend, who had taken his advice
in regard to q fortunate speculation and
Withdrawn his money from Wall street,
bought house Subsequently Travers met
him and asked how the house suited. "The
house is all right Mr.. Travers," the friend
replied "but [ am very much troubled
with rats" "G.get q c-cat." "Tve had
dozens, but the rats actually drive them out
of the house" !"
"G.get dog" was Travers' second
suggestion. II know where you c can g-get
o g good dog"
He recommended his friend, Harry Jen-
nings, the dog fancier, and agreed to go and
help in selecting q dog One was thought
worthy aud, Jennings having put dozen
or more rats in the pit, it was thrown in to
show how quickly it could kill them. The
dog killed all except one-a gray.beaIded
old rat, almost as big Sc the dog-which
seized the dog by the lower lip and held on.
The dog yelped with pain and tried TO
shake of the rat, but without effect.
Travers, who was thoroughly excited and
running around the pit, shouted: "B-buy
the rat b buy the rat!"
Another story, in reference to points, Is
this: Travers wanted to do favor for
friend and he said to him. "If you'd c-come
and see m me in September c-can give you
D. point that will m-make m-money." Fol
! lowing the suggestion. the friend dropped
in to see Travers in the latter part of the
month mentioned. III have you come
for that p-point ?" Travers asked. "Of
course" was the reply. "Well, you're the
luckiest d-dog 1 know. l p played that