The Osceola times., 1887-10-22
How Stoves Are Put Up.

How Stoves Are Put Up.
This bsing the season Of the year
when muititudes of people are nd
|justing their heating apparatus, pre-
pairing for cold weather, some will
recognize their own experience in
the following amusing description
from the american artisan Of the
way it is sometimes done:
| In the first place, the man puts on
an old and very ragged coat. Then
he puts his hands inside the place
where the pipe ought to go, and
blackens his fingers, and then studi-
ously makes black mark down the
side Of his nose. Having got his
nose properly frescoed, the man
grasps one side Of the bottom of the
stove and his wife aud the hired girl
take hold Of the other side, and IN
this way the stove isstarted from the
woodshed to the parlor. In passing
through the door, the man carefully
swings bis side Of the stove around
and jams his thumb nail against the
door post. At last the stove is set
in the proper place, and the man
and bis wife and the hired girl set
out In a triangular search after the
stove legs. Two are finally found
inside the stove, where they have
remained since spring, and the Others
are found hidden under four tons of
coal. Then the old man holds up
one side Of the stove, while his wife
puts two Of the legs in place; then
he holds up the other side while the
other two are being adjusted, and
one of the FIRST pair is displaced
The trick Of getting the four legs in
to proper place is practiced with
varying and Indifferent results for
ten minutes, and by this time the
man gets excited and reckless, and
throws of bis coat, regardless Of the
consequences.
| Then the man goes for the stove.
pipe and gets a cinder in his eye.
The stove was put up in frst-class
shape last year by the stove man,
but this year the pipe proved to be a
little too long. So the man jams
his hat down over his eyes, takes a
piece Of pipe under each arm, and
starts for the tin shop TO have it fixed.
Then he comes back. steps his mud.
dy boots into one OF the best parloT
chairs to see If the pipe will fit, when
his wife makes him come down. In
the act Of descending he plants his
foot square down on the hollow o.
the oats back, and comes within ar
ace Of trampling the baby under foot
Then the man gets an old chair frou
the kitchen and climbs up to the chin
ney opening again, and makes th,
startling discovery that in cutting of
the end Of the pipe, the timer hac
made the pipe too large to enter th'
hole 10 the chimney. So the mar
goes into the back. yard and split
one side Of the end Of the pipe will
an old Ak, and squeszes it betweel
. his hands until he makes it smaller
Then the man gets tho pipe int
, shape only to find that the stove doe
, not stand true. Then the man an'
> his wife and the hired girl move tn
|. stove 70 the left, and the legs fsl
out again. The legs are replaced
land he s>ove moved to the right, ant
IsAsss b anotAer ssasee with the legs
ITAs. tAs elbow b found not to b.
even With the hole in the chimney
and the man goes into the woodshe'
D after some little blocks. Then tn
f, man and his wife and the hired gir
! essay to put the the blocks under tn
: legs, and the pipe comes out of tn
chimney. The pipe is replaced Il
T. the chimney hole, when the elbo
: commences to topple over. Tn
: mans wife is visibly agits,ed, an,
'.s.the ,psp. 6 ia the ai1i7g table out o
the kitchen and balances an old chai
'' on it, and makes bis wife hold tn
chair while he performs acrobat
A feats on the grand combine, in an ei
fort 10 drive some nails into the cell
2 ing, during which performance tn
@ man drops the hammer down upo
q bis wife's devoted head, and she SUI
prises him with yell worthy the im
itation Of . Comsnche Indian.
Finally the man completes th
grand act Of driving the nails, cor
E structs wire swing to hold the e
!, bow in position, hammers the pipe
d little on one side and then q little o
n the other, pulls one joint little her
d and pushes another length it'll
d there, gives vocal expression to
IS series of fdeprecatory aud mildly pre-
" fame adjectives, takes long breatl
breatbes deep drawn sigh of relic
land proudly announces that the 10
4 6nishsd.