The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-12-27
BRIGHT BITS.

EVERYBODY is more or less pious these days.
Pumpkin pi-ous, we mean.-DdnScttle Breeze,
Too COLD for ice cream and no sleighing. The
young man who can't save money now never
can.-Albdny Journal.
IT's ill-wind that blows nobody good, -
said the Thanksgiving turkey, as a cyclone
whirled him from under the farmers uplifted
Ratchet into the next county.-Iid-Bits.
A FRENCH PHILOSOPHER asserts that HE is
the happlest who makes the greatest number
happy" and the French philosopher is right, if,
with the most of mankind, he thinks that the
greatest number is No. 1.--JOmTlt0t of Educa-
ton.
PASSENGER ION southern raroad)-What train
is this, conductor? Conductor-It is called the
Great Northern Limited. PasSenger-Why
'lmited?' Conductor Because it only runs
limited number of miles an hour. Tickets,
please.--Ihe Epoch.
TELL the truth. love and shame the devil -
said an attorneys wife to him the other day
when she had him in tight place.
My dear" said he, reprVachfully, would
you have your only husband do an unprofess-
ional act:"-H Washington Critic.
"BLhsELY, why don't you do something for
your coldy The fumes of sulphur inhaled from
hot shovel will cure it Instantly
Bascomb, I'm not so silly as that. I'll die
before Ill inhale burning birthstone"
'BlaIsely, believe that you viii. -PhiIddel-
Dhtd CdH.
UNCLE JAM1s, said city young lady, who
was spending a few days in the country, lis
that chicken by the gate a Brahmin?"
No, replied Uncle James, hes a Leghorn. y
Why, certainly, to be sure?' said the young
lady. How stupid of me- can see the horns
on his ankles. Boston Budget.
GENTLEMAN Ito bartender)-This cocktail isn't
quite up to the mark old man. but we can't
have everything to please us in this world, so
here's looking at you. (fie goes to breakfast }
Same Gentleman tat breakfast Poor coffee
again, my dear. Take it away II can't have
good coffee don't want any.-Ep0ch.
FOND MAMMA-How is it young Mr. F1ey don't
ask you TO go out riding: saw him out with
Miss Pert to-day.
Daughter sure can't tell. praised his
horse; said heard he was a good driver and
all that, while Miss Pert only spoke to him once
Fond Mamma-What did she say theng
Daughter-She asked him if he could drive
with one hand.-OdedhG World.
MIGHT have done berter-''No, sir" said a
pompous little merchant, Il can't be trified
with. | know the world; I've been through it, :"
Yes, suppose so, said the travelling man to
whom these remarks were addressed.
I'm sef-made man; entirely self-nade.
What do you think of that, sirs"
1T strikes me that you might have done a
good deal better to let out the contract-Mer-
chant Tidreter
THE parish clerk was told to give out the
notice, "On Sunday next the service in this
church will be hel in the afternoon and on the
following Sund " it will be held in the morning
and so on Alternately until further notice. y
What he actually did give out was as follows:
ION Sunday next the m rning service in this
church will lie held in the afternoon and on the
following Sunday the afternoon service will be
held in the morning, and so on to all eternity -
| Temple Bar.
| A GENTLEMAN crossing Broadway near Cort-
land street, while getting out of the way of a
heavy truck. dropped something, and immedi.
ately began an anxious search for it,
Must have lost his watch, said a passer-by,
| Joining in the search
Another concluded it was his pocketbook, still
| another magined valuable papers and finally
quite a crowd had collected, and all were eagerly
/ cropping in the mud.
| "Ah, here it is said the gentleman. fetching
| a sigh of relief as he picked it up. 1t was
| halfsmoled cigar.
| THAT cigar cost me 10c.," said the gentle.
man.
Then the silence became so great that the roar
| of the street could be plainly heard.-Ne,c York
| Sum