The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-09-08
manitomoe pilot.
THURSDAY, SEPT. 8, 1887.
WIT AND iIIMOR.

of overwork: He wanted the earth.
but the earth got him. "-Puck.
1t is difficult for a drinking man tc
hold his breath; it is generally toe
strong for him.-Ieras .Siftiags.
A good American wine needs ne
bush. All that is required is a popu-
lar foreign label.-LoDeH Courier.
Shakespeare was not a broker: but
does any one know who else has fur
nished so many stock quotations.
Scranton Truth.
The ballet girls have brought suits
against the National Opera Company.
Certainly, the ballet girls ought tc
have suits.-Lo1CeU Courier.
1t is no credit to say of man that
he is regular as a clock. To some il
might imply that he moved through
life on FhGtddelphj0 Herald.
The man who goes out in the coun-
try to get drink from the ''old oaken
bucket should carry strainer along.
There are wrigglers in the well.-De-
tr0h Free Press.
Old lady lin drug store, to small
boy)-What am / to take this medi-
cine in, sonny? Sonny-Take it in
your mouth, mum. Tain't to be rubbed
on. ''-Nee0 York Sun.
Fogg says he quite lost his breath
the other day upon hearing a young
lady in the horse car remark that ''the
limb of mutton sleeve is again coming
into fashion. "-BOst0H Transcript.
In a primary school - Victor, >
asked the teacher, what animal
shows the greatest attachment &c
man?" Victor thinks a moment and
then replies: The leech, sir
Judge.
'Does Grimes drinkP" inquired
Smithers. Nothing Intoxicating, re-
sponded Thompson. How does that
Gomez" ''Why, the boys have got
tired buying it for him, guess
Ptttsburg Dispatch.
4 Scotchwoman, who has been Wis.
ting in Boston and New York, says
that the Boston woman admires moth.
ing she understands, while the New
York woman understands nothing she
admires.- WOn1dn'S journal.
"Swim? Not bit, stranger, but ]
reckon if yed drap me down in ther
middle of this. hyur river I'd reach
land 'thout much dif1ikelty." "Why,
how SOP" "Waal, | carcalate I'd &c
| right to the bottom. "-Harper's Bazar.
"What in thunder did you put in
that glass of sodap" he gasped.
"Whisky," replied the clerk. You
winked. II winked? My young
friend, one of my eyes is made of glass.
I'm apostle. "-Neao YORK.
Sun.
"Ah! beg pardon, but your name
is Grayp" he said as he met man
coming out of the postoffice mo,
sir-no, shiny name is not Gray"
-ah-isn't Ell? Then | beg your
pardon for begging your pardon. >
Detrojt.Frec Press.
If you ever noticed woman ''rum-
| maging, You must have been aston
ished at the number and variety of ar
ticles she can put into her mouth. A
Il receptacle, nothing compares with il
| except the pocket OF a small boy
B1erliHgtoR Free Press.
\ bottle was picked up on the New
Jersey coast the other day which con-
tanned this sad message: six miles
| from shore. John insists upon a kiss.
We cannot float many minutes longer.
| Farewell TO the world John insists
| upon another. A last farewell"
''How much calomel did you sell to
that man for a quarter?' asked the
druggist OF his clerk. "One drachm, "
he replied. Mercy, you'll compel me
to make an assignment at that rate
Don't you know that stuff costs us 40
cents a pound ?"-DetrOU Free Press.
Probably there are not ten men in
Boston who can name the satellites of
Saturn. But then probably there are
not ten residents OF Saturn who can
name the suburbs of Boston. All
| things come out pretty even, after all,
| at the end Of the century ,SomerUiLLe
Journal.
MY dear" said a very sick hus-
band, IF die will you see that my
grave is kept green?" Eyes, john y
was the sobbing reply. You know
how gladly would do as much for
you," he said Then the lady dried
| her tears and the sick man got WE'LL
Ne1o York San.
An Eastern Texas paper remarks
that it does not feel called upon to an
sWer every Kissing reptile that s'crawls
his slime across our pathway" This
was i'll answer to an esteemed contem-
porary which has called him slab
| sided, razor backed, lopped-eared, sag
bellied, corned-toed wolfwhelp."
Il hold" said the divinity student
in the woods at Catskill, Il hold that
| we extract more that is beneficial
| from nature than from books and-r'
well, said his fair companion, '.you
can keep on holding, but my feet are
| wet, and I'm going back to the hotel"
-NeU York Mail and Express
lis your pa going to take you to the
picnic, Sadie?" mo; pas sick"
What's the matter with himP" 30,
he's sneezing all the time, and his eyes
keep watering" Then he must have
hay-fever?" mo; pa works for wages;
he doesn't get a salary; he can't afford
to have hay-fever, so he's only sick. !"
Professor in Physics explaining a
complicated machine to the students)
Please observe that the slender rod
f0NSNo Wv u ~ tti' SNtplAl vi SllldllbI
wheel, etc.; while this turning vigor-
ouslyl is the crank that sets the whole
in motion! Laughter from the STU
dents. ]-Ne'0 England Journal of Ed
ltcGtt0n
Excited wife-O. John! John! Quick!
Stop fumbling behind that bureau and
run for doctor. Half-dressed hus-
band-What'S the matter with Won.
anyhow? Baby has swallowed your
collar-button. How on earth do
you expect me to get ready to 90 for a
doctor without that ollar-button?'-
Philadelphia Press.
pittSburger-Doctor, lam convinced
that ami suffering from the most pro-
pounced form ii insomnia. NJ. D.
What are your symptoms P!ttsburg-
er-Sunday last l remained awake
during the entire services, though the
sermon was one hour long and the
rbarp,p,p "a az in tho ,-nStjbula ctnnI