The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1887-11-16
DEACON %eURDETTE.
Ills witty Talks out a. Meetin' Upon
Timely Topics.

Timely Topics.
Papa" snid E,licl, 81 do not tnink YOU are
Just to VI. "lhtomorc: 1 was walking with
linn Last nj ~. His head is full of IDEAS"
YES, yes. sail tho professor, and went on
rcadir;; the proof of his lecture OH "Micro-
sc"pir Thought "'wc ca,.not realizo tl.c in
finite lttl'n,SS 90 tho cholera bacteria, when
wc know that $1,000. OOo. 0 70 of them occupy II
space 10 larger than - pins head Yes, yes;
ns You say, hc has II great many ideas; but
They arc'-Soe' on reading proof.
MEIER FASIIED THE VOLUNTEER AT a.
VI am weary Of this lumlrum life" sail
'nili"rnN why, what nre You loin..r
"luhi"% hurly gur!icS." "Shakc; | am
"r' i'S pr"'ll'> "n tnr;:r reduction"
LIT FAR" Y: NIL. ri.D TTI:SrI.I: pi:;!
Young ~. Sawbonca, first year in medical
""lrS'; -e's "n cdi. orial beaded The D,r-
ger Of nithS"-'rh. ucomn,rb.r.;,l, IT,
n"rt:'"r Il ih">c editors he cycinips .r,,ni
~ 'th"N writ" about things Of which they
Know absolutely noticing. Now, you ,a!;,.
apathy in time and there isn't q dnnr,r,uS
feature III 1t: the r"ric>t uuack can handle
H.. Puts Oh his hat and goes out to look ur.
tSr n ease OF i%n'ipi"m, inertia.
u: Ai3IIXS Might DINNA KEN
lawyer Hui,,"zcr-Du, nu know nuyiLiu.,
about George Thorpe! Stupid Witnr><-Y,S
sir. Lawyer l. All, You dor Dc yuu know
my COOL about hint Witnes>-No, sir.
Oh. YOU d"n'i! We'll. then, do You know
ANYTHING bad about himf' WitmrSS-Nn.
SIR. II. FOR mcIry's sake, what Ito YOU
Know about HING Il know he died twenty
Years before EYER heard Of him"
STILL. Usr & STAKE.
" Boston broker lost u wallet containing,
"I'.o'D on III" street and II ncwSlov found il,
ami brought II to III" owner. The man
struggled with II terrible temptation ,n l..
mean and S"riii for Il nmc:u.nt, an,I ,hrr
forgetting self AMI casting to the winds his
greed of gain aS he trauip.cd tn" temptation
uildcr his itct, gave the honest boy permits.
sion To go on the Common and play every
day. VI can trust you," Solhrl the CRATE
full niur,; "w" know that you viii keep oil the
grass. Oh, how often This opportunity to
make Others happy 10y II kind word, u gentle
smile or som" little net uf kindness knocks ut
cur doors and va heed it not, until it is too
Late. On, that more people were like the
Boston lnun. ~. S.-Th"y arc.)
"wlIEH HAME VI MAEEr'
Where. oh, whore has tn" Young man gore
WHO graduation clothes put on, some time
nipr% the last OF May, and owned tho who'll.
wide wor!d for - day. And where is the
sweet girl graduate, who chnntel M essay
dread with fate and started out with n cir.
EiinS frown to turn this old worll upside
down. And where is last years candidate.
who had things fH",i for this wears slatri
who carried around, q, you'd believe, a
cC,pl' OF counties in his slccvcf And where
Is the scribe with n vauiting will who triel n
long felt wamt to ill, and courtcd vhclcls and
reiown with n miniom paper in a bourgeois
towa! The lad has divided tho world up fair.
md holds but Iii, OWN eight bi!!iomtli share;
the sweet girl grad. il n grand Surpl isc, ami
conquer the worli with well rn;ulc pic.: tho
candidate with the hcatlilrs, gall" is iixin-
himself FOR another fall; while the Journalist
with the naughty crest has gone the way OF
last years nest. So year by year and day hv
day the world runs on in the Same old way.
the balloon that Is biggest round about is the
nat'bieSi rag when the gas Is out.
1T MAKs Az vNCo' LEEwAY.
There is one thing I~sna;ius O'Donncilv
might hnvc done very easily. II lie had
til 'u.ht OF it-hc might 10 it yct-provc that
Harriet Brrcir"r Stowcdidn't write the Uncle
Toms CABIN that is presented on the stu. -
ten times Il week all through and between Tho
season. He could ind plenty of ciplcr<, in
the cast; the two Top>cys, the two Markscs.
tho two d%"nkcys. and the latest company nm.
nounces two Uncle TomS-thcs", with tho
four meat hounds, would give an ingenious
Elan ripirr' enough to prove anything.
~ SWAT WI DREAD
as there amy benefit in ~monopolics:" asked
tho teacher. There is" answered tho smart
lad hoy. And what is it," "Owling an in.
tcrcst III one" He was kept i'll two hours.
REAL y IRRITATION BABIES.
a lio>ton woman comes out in print TO de-
nouuce that linsunl dish wash. peculiarly
known N baby talk" Ga, well. that's To bc
expected in Btanvillr, where Joseph Cook i,
regarded as n model clild'S nurse mud
primary Kindergarten teacher. We bel:cy,
firmly believe, that n baby who. whichi
that! is born with eye glasses and II theory
should b" called II babe ut birth and adj.
dressed us sir or madam.
Out upon your machine mndo babe, |
knew one long aGo. His namo was Henderson
lngralinm StI!lw"nther, nni his parents called
him that when he .u~ IN his cradle. IL, was
but ; years obi when first ! met him, down
by lii" Illinois river. He said 10 me: al,ycuse
me, sir, but con Il on kindly Ullislirn me rs
to the character OF this strange ]lpoI;ing craft
towari which our steps are tending and, also,
can You tel mo to whom docs It bclong!' |
clu,cli"l the little monster hy the !cck and
held him under tie drcdge boat for nm Lour
] expected a scene with his mother, but, she
only sail that "IicnlcrSon was very far
advanced: his Uncle DrnniSon did not drown
until II" WAS 10 They didn't bury lIcnicr.
son. They pressed him betw cen the uaCcs of
n Colto x Atlas, and ho tlattered out and
dried just like \ fern. That's what becomes
Of that sort of children. I am glad I
drowned linn. | nm l"oaing around for more
like him. People who wean their infants on
dictionaries viii do well t. keep Them under
glass until | lose my tYmalIawk. Wngh!-
B~rooLl,n Eagle.