Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1887-04-16
BILL NYr's RED PUP.
The Ee narkable Animal Forwarded I, Him
From California.
Fan francisco WASH,

HONORABLE Bill NYE, Hudson. Wis.
consin (in the outskirts OF Ohicngol-
Dear Me-: Your requisition for a red
dog with large ears and a small appe.
lite was handed me by servant in gray
livery and Il yellow bag slung oyer his
shoulder | WAS grieved 10 learn that
prosperity had led you into such riot
Gus style OF living, but trust that the
general howl for reform that roverbates
over this broad dependency OF the On.
nadas just prior to every election will
not be wasted on you.
AS 10 the dog; herewith forward
postage paid, one ncarnadine pup, OF
the masculine gender, with wabby legs
ample auricuar attachments, u broad
gauge voice, and n tendency to ouigrow
the iollies OF his youth. Owing 10 the
enforcement OF the Interstate Com
merce law | prevailed on him, rs a mat
ter OF economy, TO leave tho major por.
ton OF his tail behind until rates are
lower A sort OF curtailment OF ex-
penses, might say Ii you feel that
this will cause any painful vacuum in
your life l will try and send on the
balance OF the dog. The absence OF his
rudder may cause some inconvenience
at first. Noticed before his departure
that he could not steer himself accu-
rately, for when would sick him at
large saw-back hog that comes TO look
at my garden occasionally, he would
make a neree charge ANA retrograde
under the house. lattrlbute this pecu'
liar phenomenon TO an absence oi tail;
but IL may be presence of mind, It's
this peculiar piece Of pork is some
what aggressive.
The BALD spots observable on his Gu
ticle are not hereditary, but grow out
oil n canine condition known rs mango
and a NANCY pup is something thnt
every humorist cannot afford TO rear.
Accompanying the animal you Will at
once discover full assortment OF fleas
Indigenous to the soil of California and
the skin OF the dog, IL is no use Tor
YOU 10 say that YOU did not order them,
for they go with the pup everywhere,
III laot are lnseparable. lho only way
to break the combination is TO soak the
dog in coal OIL and inliame the spirit oil
the oil With match, or kill the dog.
In the matter Of appetite he is easily
pleased eat ordinary grub, but Is
inclined to diet himself on fine boots
kid gloves, silk stockings and any
clothing that may come within his
sphere of action. IL may be necessary
Tor you TO go barelooted until he out
grows this freak, or you might avoid
this alternative by keeping such arti-
oles locKed up ia u pug.prooi sale.
l1n ~ talInu nrntf1 aud
tive spirit TO be swept with storm o
woe and blasphemy II you come no
and find round. compact roll Of red
dog, with muddy feet, in the middle Of
Your snow. whlLc couCn, for he can b.
broken OF this habit. There are two
remedies. Either give your bed to the
poor and sleep IN Tie hay-mow, or sever
the bony substance that connects the
pups head with his body The latter
treatmen. is probably the hest. The
animal in pointer. You will find by
counting The angles and protuberance,
on his frame that he is II pointer dog
than can be- discovered by a long and
earnest search throughout your town
He will be found very much attached
TO home that is II you take the precau.
blOh w SOhLSbi hlih Win " uOB -Suilil
and house that has firm foundation
AS Watchdog he il II success, | hav.
known him 10 stand with his nose
through the picket fence and watch O
malunca-warc uog III nelgbbor's yuro
for lour mortal hours and never com
plain. AT certain seasons OF the yeal
he will leave home for a few days; bu
do not be alarmed, for he will com,
back again with a ruinous appetite, ,
eart-broken look and try TO square TIL,
matter with you by bringing few
pieces o. tinware attached 10 his rudi
mentary tail. hope you have moor
in that baliwick, for the pup will b'
lonesome without one, AS he has beer
in the habit Of sitting out in my from
yard and hurting canine defiance a
l,ale Luna about tnirly nights III eacf
calendar month. This may disturb
your sleep some, but the dog won't mint
the work as ne can reclne IN The arm
OF Morpheus during the day and dream
Of devourIng burglars, caliskln boots
DC. My nearest neighbor strenuousl.
objected 10 this nocturne in Tar Flat
and as love the dog l hurriedly sent
him TO YOU, fearing he may be carried
to an early grave by rush OF club Il
The neau. Avurs conpasslonately,
LEN LEMONS.
=. ST. would prefer 10 keep tn
rest OF the dog, as corrective when ap
pned TO the seat of government OF M.
youngest hopeful. l.. il.
a