Butte semi-weekly miner., 1887-04-02
4 MIDNIGHT LECTURE
ne mrr TALMAcE TELLS AN
ENTERTAINING STORY.

| eN1EHTAJNiN0 oS
,. ..nri.ses Connoction'-Fase hso-
ing ON an ''Extrs"-Another De'ay-A
| Patient Audienes in Waatine-on 'ns
Homo stretch.
Al g O'Clock precisely, on consecutive
niehts. we stepped on the rostrum % O-
.seo. Zanesviile, Indianapolis, Detr0...
Jacksonville, Cleveland and Buffalo ous
r. seemed that Dayton was to be . fsiiure:
We autographed from indianapolis, missed
connection. Caunot possibly meet engage
ment at Dayton" Telegram came oac.,
saving. "Take locomotive and come ONT.
We could not get . locomotive. Anotn1
telegram arrived. ''The superintendent ok
railroad will send you In an extra train. ds
Immediately to the depotp' We gatneIeo
up our traps from the hotel moor ana sois,
and hurled them at the sachel. They woulo
not 20 in. We put q collar In our nat ana
the shaving apparatus in our coat pocKes'
got on the sachel with both feet, and 40.
clared the thing should 20 shut 1t spht
everything between Indianapolis and Day
ton. Arriving at the depot, the train was
ready. We had locomotive and one car.
the engineer and stoker on the locomotive;
while following were the conductor,
brakeman at each end Of the car, and the
writer.
"When shall We get to Dayton'" We
asked.
"Half-past nine O'Clock, =" responded tho
conductor.
"Absurdr' we said; emo audience win
wait till $50 at night for lecturer"
AT BREAK NECK SPEED.
] Away we few. The car, having such .
light load, frisked and kicked, and made
merry of a journey that to US was becoming
very grave. Going round sharp curve at
break neck speed, we felt inclined to sug-
gest to the conductor that it would make no
especial difference If we did not get to Day
ton till 9:45 The night was cold, and tho
hard ground thundered and cracked. The
bridges, instead of roaring, as is their wont,
had no time to give any moro than grunt
as we struck them and passed on. At times
It was SO rough we were IN doubt as to
whether we were on the track or taking
short cut across the fields to get to our des-
tination q little sooner The dagmen would
hastily open their windows and look at the
screeching train. The whistle blew wildly,
not so much to give the villages warning as
to let them know that something terrible
had gone through. Stopped to take in wood
and water. A crusty old man crawled out
of a depot, and said to the engineer, "Jim,
what on earth is the matter?''
'Don't know" said Jim; "that fellow In
the car yonder is bound to get to Dayton,
and we are putting things through"
Brakes lifted, bell rung, and of again.
Amid the rush and pitch of the train there
was no chance to prepare our toilet, and no
looking glass; and it was quite certain that
we would have to step from the train i'm
mediately into the lecturing hall. We were
unfit to be seen. We were sure our hair
was parted in five or six different places,
and that the cinders had put our faces in
deep mourning, and that something must be
done. What time we could spare from hold
ing on to the bouncing seat we gave to our
toilet, and the arrangements we made,
though far from satisfactory, satisfied our
conscience that we had done what we could.
A button broke as we were fastening our
collar-indeed, q button always does break
when you are in a hurry and nobody to
sew it on.
A MIscALcUZ.ATIoN.
elbow long before we get there''' we
andously asked.
~ have miscalculated," said the conduc-
tor; 1--WE cannot get there till 9:a5 O'Clock"
my dear man, we cried, "you might as
well turn round and 60 back; the audience
will b. gene long before 20 o'clock"
''No!'' said the conductor; ''at tho last
depot got a telegram saying they w~re
waiting patiently, and telling us to hurry
on.''
The locomotive seemed to feel it was "a
the home stretch. At times, what with thu
whirling smoke, and the showering sparks
and the din, and rush, and bang, it seemed |
as if we were on our last ride, and that tho |
brakes would not fail till we stopped for.
ever.
A 9:55 o'clock we rolled into the Dayta1 |
depot, and before the train came to 6 halt |
we were in a carriage with the lectufing |
committee, going at the boTse's full run |
toward the opera house. Without an liz |
slant in which to slacken eur pulses, the |
chairman rushed in upon the stage and in |
troduced the lecturer Of the evening. After |
in the quickest way shedding overcoat and |
shawl, we confronted the immense audience,
and with our head yet swimming from the |
motion Of the rail train, we accosted the
of whom had been waiting
since o'clock-witb the words:
"Long suffering but patient ladies and
gentlemen, you are the best natured audi
ence ever saw" When we concluded what
we had to say it was about midnight, and
hence the title of this little sketch.-T De
Witt Talmage in Brooklyn Magazine.