The Osceola times., 1887-01-22
Mr.. AND MRS. BOWSER.
How Meek Mrs. b, Triumphed Over Her
Ambitious and Learned Lord.

Mr.. Bowser is great man TO "break
out in spots" The other evening, after
he had lighted a cigar and got his feet
braced on the mantel, he suddenly OBJ
served:
Mrs. Bowser, has it never occurred
to you TO call me Judge?"
"Neyer.,r / promptly replied, for he
had complained Of the biscuit at supper.
Nor Colonel?"
"No!n
"While I could probably have gone
to the Supreme Bench. or been COM
missioned Colonel" he softly con-
tinued, II did not care for the honor,
am not one, Mrs. Bowser, to clutch at
titles in order to lift myself up, but
didn't know but it might please you 10
be known as Mrs. Judge Bowser."
II don't want the title"
Every well, Mrs. Bowser. II You
have no care for social distinction I'm
sure | haven't. If your ambition is to
plank yourself in the house with that
wall-eyed baby and pay no attention to
the demands of society | might as well
ioin another lodge"
felt bit conscience-stricken over
the way had acted, and after awhile
vent out and told the cook to call him
Judge when she came in with the last
scuttle of coal. When she came she
MANAGED to bump him to give her an
excuse fo,' saying: Excuse me, Con-
stable-excus,e mel
There was a solemn silence for five
minutes after she ls,' the room' linen
Mr.. Bowser observed:
perhaps, OIL the whoi. MIS- DOW
ssr. Il would be as well not 70 a,'eiip'
to cali me by any title. Hirea heip is
so stupid, You know"
On a late occasion. as our fireside wa,'
scene of peace and happiness, Mr.
Bowser softly remarked:
"Mrs. Bowser, whenever il comes
handy you'd better throw out hints Ia
your lady friends that you were edu'
Gated abroad. "
"Wbyp"
well. it will increase their respect
for you"
"But was educated in the little red
school house at PerryviIle. you know,
and have never been out of the State. "
Don't talk so loud. as Jane may be
listetiingl | told friend only the
other day that was educated abroad,
and had been through all the art gal
leries of Europe" =.
"what place did you say you studied
atp"
Zanzibar"
"why, my dear, that's in Africa?'
at is! Now that shows what you
know! Zanzibar is in Germany. Mrs
Bowser, don't want to crow over you
on the subject of education. but when
you display such lamentable ignorance
of geography / have tofees glad that
NV school DAYS were not wasted
ii say it's in Africa"
"Mrs. Bowser"
"And I'll prove it by my atlas?'
.If you do I'll give you fifty dollars
in cashn'
I got out the atlas, and there. over
on the east coast of the Dark Continent
was Zanzibar, as every school-child
knows.
"Tn take that fifty" Iquietly re-
marked.
'No, you WON'T Some fool of a map.
maker has gone and got drunk and
mixed things up. and I'm not going to
pay for it. When know that Zanzl-
bar is in Germany know it just as well
as the atlas or anybody else.
"Did this friend of yours ask You
what old master you preferredP'
yes, ma am, and was posted there,
too. You may think 60 sloshing
around with both eyes shut and my
tongue hanging out. Mrs. Bowser, but
that's where you are dead lame. told
him Longfeller.
"Mr. Bowserw
"What now! You don't spose |
said Sam Patch or Buffalo Bill, do
you9'
'But Longfellow was not a painter at
all, he was poet"
He drew in his breath until his face
was as red as "A beet, and he jumped up
and down and 1ourished his arms like
windmill, and finally got voice to
roar out:
"I'll bet YOU nine hundred thousand
million quadrillion dollars TO that old
back comb in your hair! Mrs. Bowser,
such assumption and assurance on your
part is unbearable!'
"Jane may hear you"
Jane be hanged, and you, too! Mrs.
Bowscr, | demand an apology for this
insutw
wait h2 | prove that Longfellow
was not an artist, but a poet. "
"T'll give you million dollars if you
do it."
got down the volume of poems by
Longfellow which Mr. Bowser had
given me year before, and then went
to the encyclopedia and made tight
case on him. He was at first inclined
TO give in. but directly he struck the
table such blow that baby screamed
out, and then shouted;
81 see how it is! You are looking
for Longfellow all the time, and dis
tinctly stated that it was Long Jctter!
If the printers have got drunk and left
the name out am | to blameP"
"Mr. Bowser, believe | will say