Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-05-05
COL. OCHlLTREe.
The Quiet Way in Which lie Laid Out a
Wandering Arkansas Minstrel.


The Hon. Thomas Philharmonic Ochltree,
perhaps better known in his native
jungles as the Lone Star Truth En-
broiderer, still holds the champion belt.
A deep conspiracy was recently laid to get it
away from him. The contestant was power
fully backed up by friends who knew him at
home and could testify that not even a curl
Gus jury would believe him except when he
was talking in his sleep. He was mild look
ing gentleman, with wall eyes and no front
teeth, walking on crutches and had only one
arm and a game leg, but he was all there
when it came to plain and fancy story
telling He was from Arkansas, and had
graduated with honors in the Twisters' acad-
emy and his hackers were sanguine. 1t was
resolved not to give Ochiltree any warning or
time for preparation. The Arkansas cham
pion was suddenly sprung on him one even
ing at the Hoffman, when Thomas seemed out
of trim.
The conversation was artfully turned on
frontier playfulness. Thomas closed one eye
thoughtfully. One man said he had seen
Billy the Kid shoot two men in succession
through the pockets of his ulster at a measured
distance of seventy yards. Thomas head
dropped and he emitted a feeble snore.
Sam, who kept three cemeteries going in
one horse town. Thomas was profoundly
asleep The Arkansas champion cleared his
throat, fixed one eye on Thomas and the other
on the Bougerau. and thus filling his soul with
double vision of beauty began. He had just
dined with a friend named Ridgely-W alter
Ridgely. Walter was deacon of the Metho-
dist churehat Texarkana and secretary OF the
Mr.. Ochiltree opened one eye) He was one
of the meekest and longest suffering men in
Arkansas Here Tom opened the other eye.)
One day Ridgely was crossing river
drummer was on the ferry. The drummer
got into an argument with the ferryman and
agreed to leave the matter to Ridgely.
Ridgely accepted the position OF mediator and
shot both ferrymen dead. He thought that
was the best way of settling the question.
The ferrymen each had brother. After the
double funeral, at which Ridgely officiated
and offered up a touching prayer, the brothers
slipped out of the cemetery and hid in the
bush at a turn in the road Ridgely ap-
preached on his old roam mare singing "Over
the Shining River" Both fired Ridgely
dropped The brothers ran up. They thought
him dead Just as they bent over him he
heads off Then he mounted the old roam
mare and trotted in to lead the singing.
As the Arkansas champion finished this
simple little tale Tom nodded once or twice
and then began:
"Wel," he said, sleepily, 'that reminds me
of Bill Schilling, of Laredo. Bill was the
ouietest man in the town and that quiet you
couldn't think. In the fall of go or the spring
oft i'm hoconSp
Just got back from my visit to the car at
st. Petersburg Aleck and l were chums,
you know. In '69 Bill Schilling was runnin'
a barber shop in Laredo. l was shaving my
fellow men at the Laredo bank, but Bill, he
said a razor was good enough for him. Well
one day l was in at Schillng's gettin' my
stubble moved, n Bill was talkin' to me
about my salvation, n then the chatter
turned on a stump tailed bull pup Bill had, n
Bill was tellin me how in flea time that dog
would sometimes spin like buzz saw, try
ing to ketch one Well, as he was tallin',
N Bill Shawn easy, for my skins tenderer n
a monkeys, Bill ketches sight of two men
comm by.
Excuse me, kurnel said he. Certainly,
William said l. Then he slipped behind the
door and ketched up shot gun 'n-plunk!-
pluuk lie uloppcd Gil INV II VS.. 5i'1iNSu
around, because my skin is SO tender was
afraid to have Bill get nervous, but he says,
still smilin', Beg pardon, kurnel,' and l says,
Not at all, William N he says, AS Twas
sayin', kurnel, that bull pup, when he gets
buck flea right on the tip of his tail-and then
he finished the story and gave me the cleanest
shave ever had in my life except last winter
when went o-Wall-s-t-r-e-e-t. A
town marshal came in and nabbed him just
as he was das in me with bay rum from the
Rio Grande.'
The colonel's eye had gradually closed dur
ing this narrative His head sank quietly on
his breast and he was sound asleep. The Ar
kansas champion gazed minute or two in
silence Then he drew from an inside pocket
gold medal he had won in the interstate
contest last year, laid it reverently beside the
colonel and fed New York World