Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-07-14
COLONEL sRALEY.s LETTER.

In the summer OF ~ / was on the
committee chosen at . meeting of our
citizens ito make arrangements for
proper observation of the regular Ma
tional day which marks the onward
march of freedom" We selected a
proper place. hired lumber enough.
with pitch on il, to make seats, secured
a slender, long-wsisted Texas shoat
named Phailas to act IS creased pig.
hired q band from 'town." got .
young woman with a tall head and
twenty-ounce pippin Adams apple to
read the Declaration of Independence,
and then we began to cast about US for
a good strong-voiced orator who
would remain tolerably sober till he
had made his speech. We looked the
ground over pretty well and at last de-
cided to call Colonel Braley, of Sage
Hen Rancho. Icall him Colonel Bra
ley because it suits my purpose better
To call him Colonel Braley. The gem
tleman to whOmI refer is still alive and
I would like to be also.
Therefore, l call him Colonel Bra
ley.
We wrote to the Colonel pleasing
note, in which we referred to his genial
manners, his great popularity. and his
good sense upon matters that would
naturally interest the people of our
section. We told him it was the gem
eral wish that he would favor us 'on
that occasion, and we hoped for an
early and satisfactory reply.
In two days we received the fOll ow-
ing, as well as am able to recall it at
this date:
SAGE HEN RANCH. June q. 1887.
Mn CHAIRMAN AND GENTLEMEN OF
THE FOURTH OF july COMMITTEE:
Your favor regarding a speech upon
the grounds near the old Buffalo
Waller, on the Fourth of July, is re-
ceiyed l am no speaker on such an
occasion as that, and / therefore beg
to be excused. There is only about one
man out of ten Thousand that can make
good Fourth of-July speech. and he
is not as a general thing. good for any
thing else.
In the first place, don't seem to
have the necessary voice. have tried
it once and did not succeed. The ma
jority OF the crowd went home mad be-
cause they couldn't hear and the bal
ance went home mad because they
could. So haven't got the voice. l
can stand over on roundup No. 2 and
talk 80 the foreman on No. easy
enough, but can't talk against a Sab
bath-school loaded with fire crackers.
Moreover gentlemen, l am not a
leady thinker under these circum-
stances. / am a man of fair bust
ness Judgement or else l
couldn't have accommodated $500
head of No. I four-year-Olds
worth ss35 apiece in Omaha with moth
ing to begin on five years ago but a
condemned Government mule and a
hopeful disposition. You will admit
that as fnancicr l am no SLOUGH.
when q tell You that in all that five
years the assessor has never got near
enough to hold conversation with me
or to sock avaluation on my herd.
But it takes different kind of genius
to snstch great big pieces out of the
atmosphere and pound pine table
aud zip and yell for the starry banne;.
free. so will just politely ask you to
be So Kind as to excuse me.
Years ago l tried it when WIS
young and didn't know any better
Now I have acquired sense and re-
frain.
The trouble with me is that when I
get up on my feet to talk to large and
perspring throng Of people my idees
are like bunch of cattle in the stock
yard. for instance. The whole blamed
crowd wants to skin through the shute
and be loaded into the same car at the
same minute, or else they won't con-
demned ssne ,af EN- agree to be loaded
That's the best way i can express it
I've either got idees enough to load
car, all at once. faster than can get
rid of 'ean, or else 1 cant think of =
blamed thing. Still, continuing to
carry out the comparison. gentle
MEN. want TO say to you that l
have also had a big fat, five-year-
old Maverick idee get wedSed into my
head when / tried to make speech.
and it would neither go ahead into the
speech nor tack out for five minutes.
You can fancy 3 man of my position in
society standing before a mob of his
ffellow-men and itwisting the tail of a
reluctant idee till he is red in the face!
l tell you, gentlemen Of the COM
nittee, money don't pay man for
such a mental strain as that Five
dollars and large drink do notrecom-
pense him. l therefore say to you.
gentlemen. take Your money. take
your rum, and avaunt! I say it polite
~ aud courteously, but / say to you in
low. passionate tones. / wish you would
avAum and remain that way as long as
possible
lowe my country. gentlemen, and I
love the dear old flag You don't hear
mo bras about it, though it's nothiE g