Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-04-13
TO MAKE gOU SMILE.


ANYWAY. Herald.
THE best way to ''get rich by poultry
keeping" is to sell all your hens early
every spring. Then you won't have
to plant your garden but once
Journal of Education.
A CANAJoHARIE editor offers his
paper for a year to 'sthe farmer who
will Law the largest egg on bis editorial
table," Ii farmers have taken to lay
ing eggs the price of the fruit must
come down.-PhiIa delphia Call.
A STRANGER in the city yesterday
was hunting for q man named Adams.
When asked what Adams he wanted
he answered.: sssThe one that keeps an
express Office" He found him.
Wheeling, ". Va, Register.
MRS. BRIMMER-Is that Mr.. G. g.
Spaniard ? Mr.. B.-Why SO Mrs.
B.-I don't see how he can be a bull
fighter, then. Mr.. B.-Who said he
was g. bull-fghter I? Mrs. B.-You,
yourself, said he always "took the
bull by the horns"
JONES (speaking to his friend, the
editor, about the death of Brown, the
millionaire)-" much is he worth,
wonder?" Editor (absent-minded-
ly)-"Not much. No more than a
quarter of g. column, at the outside"
New York Graphic.
"PARDoN me, sir" he said politely,
"but it strikes me somewhat odd that
so we'll dressed a man as you are
should wear such g. shocking pair OF
shoes. Are you doing it on wager"
ssNo, SIR" was thereby. 81 am shoe
maker. New York Sun.
EDrroR-Shut that door leadinginto
the composing-room; there's fearful
draught. Foreman-Don't get ex-
cited, that's just what your physician
would order you for your nerves.
Editor-How is that ? Foreman-A
composing draught.
HUsBAND-If you only had the
ability to cook as my mother used to
would be happy, dear. Wife-And
If YOU only had the ability to make
money enough to buy things to cook,
as my father used to. /, too, would be
happy, dear-New York Sun.
WIFE Ito husband )-"Why isyoung
Tompkins called good fellow by his
friends ?" Observation-Disclosures he Is
always good.natured and pleasant,
can tell story we'll, spends his money
freely, and shamefully neglects his
family New York Sun.
TEACHER-"You must not come to
school any more, Tommy, until your
mother has recovered from the mea-
sles." Tommy-"There amt a bit oil
danger that she will give them to me. "
"Why, how is that ?" "She is my
stepmother. Texas Sntings.
"WHY was eternity made, papa? 20
asked Reginald. $50 that g. cricket
match could be played clear through"
replied papa, who had lost three Gays
from the office in g. busy time watch
ing the first half Of one inning played
half Observation-Disclosures.
CUSTOMER Ito boy in coal Office j
ga ton of stove. How much is it ?''
Boy-"Six-ffty, an twenty-five cents
for putin it in" Customer-'Well,
YOU will have to slate it," Boy
"siate it? That coal is half slate now,
mister New York Sun.
TALMADGE said in his lecture the
other night that "the man who can
sing and won't sing should be sent to
Sing Sing" That would be too severe.
1t is the man who can't sing and will
sing who should be sent to Sing Sing.
P.S.-For Dinety-nine years.-Norris.
town Herald.
AFTER the accident: She" Were
you hurt much, Mr.. De Dudel" Mr..
De D.-"Aw, Miss Claiwa, [ was, aw.
knocked senseless, don't you know
She-"O, I'm so glad you escaped
They told me you had been injured. y
Mr.. De D. wonders what she MEANS
Washington Critic.
JUDGE Ito prisoner)-It's disgrace
full, Rastus, that there are such men
as you 30 prey upon the community
Did it ever occur to you that you are
worse than worthless? Prisoner
(mildly)-Et twuzzent TO- sech men as
me, yo' honah, yo' wuddent be DRAWN
er big sal'ry ebbery yeah.-NeW York
Sun.
MOTHER Johnnie, brush the dust of
your boots. Johnnie-Is that the
kind of dust papa was talking to gov
crness about? Mother-What did he
say? Johnnie-He said: "Dost thou
love me, Agnes?" Mother-No, it
was not Johnnie; but Agnes will dust
out OF here tomorrow morning.-BOs-
ton Globe.
"ANYBoDY lose dollar?" he called
at the rear door of the street car as
he held up a new bill. eyes, sir, ]
did, replied three different men in
chorus. "Oh, you did. Sorry for you,
but this is a 81 bill, and I've had it
for a week. Beats all how careless
some folks are of their dollars DE.
trOit Free Press.
WHAT is the best company for a
young man, Alonzo? Well, / should
say g. good mining or banking com.
pany, something of that sort, with
friends on the Board of Directors was
pretty good company for the average
young man. Some old men wouldn't
object to it.-Burdette IN Brooklyn
Eagle.
AN Fxpla nation: Mrs. De Boggs-
"Have } gu heard how Mrs. De Pegs
ter -she that was Sallie Van Cott-
mas received the degree of A. M. from
Wellesley ?" Mrs. Wayback-"No: