Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-03-06
VANILLA JONES.
THE REGISTERS WANDERING WIT WRITES
FROM KENTUCKY.
Some Remarks as 10 Railroad functions How he
Saved a Blue-Eyed Maidsn-A Grand
SnOrer-POland China Hogs
in CJrSeB.
LEXINGTON. KY, February l..

LEXINGTON, KY, February Il.
DEAR REGIsTER:-DO you know what a
railroad junction is, ~star-eyed reader? On
the map it is two black lines that cross
each other and look like the black court
plaster q surgeon makes his mark with on
your cheek after You have attended a Wig
Orously conducted political meeting. At
the radius of this before mentioned black
cross ia = white spot representing q place,
and its name is printed in display job
type. Your naturally conclude that the
place is a city with street cars, beer gardens
and a big debt, and all the usual embel-
lishments that accompany a first class city.
But you are mistaken, Star.eyed reader. A
junction is not 4 city. In its widest flights
of luxuriance it is not a city, but only a
house and a railroad crossing. Ii a city or
town is near the place where a junction
should be, they always move the junction
'i VI SN hliVH ipu you cNtI ltlltCl
why, my saccharine reader? I.scream out
Eureka Railroad companies are con-
siderate. They
NEVER LIKE To HURT a PERSONS FEEL
INGS
by "holding them up" aud robbiug them
They just build functions and at these.
functions they build a skating rink and
call it a hotel, and arrange for passengers
Oh night trains to change cars to cars that
will not be along for six or eight hours.
The railroad waiting room is usually the
skating rink Office, and the genial pro-
prictOr will not allow you to sit up for the
train. You have but two alternatives
either take 4 room or 20 ont and commit
suicide by freezing. II the railroad COM
pany has a separate office the Ohliging
agent will lock you out of it and YOU are
forced to the rink. 1t seems that the
genial proprietor of the hotel rink aud the
Obliging agent understand each other.
After you engage Il room, the genial pro-
prietor, who is very versatile in his talent,
usually acting as chambermaid, porter and
cook, shows yOu into a sort of a single
mOrgue, You pay him your dollar and
stretch your levered limbs upon your
downy couch ,iguratively speaking and
prepare for the nightmare.
l stopped at
4 JUNCTION IN TEXAs.
The city was composed entirely of the
Windsor House. While in the city | stop
ped at that same house. The rooms were
on either side OF a hall, with doors about
i've feet from each other. To explain 30
you will comprehend more fully, they were
constructed Just like the internal economy
of Il Jail You know how that is. All the
vacant space in the room is economically
occupied by the bed, which is also very
economically cOnStructed-the architect no
doubt never expected PX-attOrney Flick 10
occupy his structures. In these beds it is
always best for a nervous or restless per-
son to sleep on the floor and thereby save
themselves the trouble Of falling out in the
night time. 4 ncwly-married couple stop.
ped at the Windsor House the night ! was
there, and in the morning ! asked them
how III the world they managed To occupy
one room at the same time, and she told
me that they slept turn abOut-Onc would
sleep for an hour and the other sit on the
floor. These rooms are usually well ven
tilatcd, the partition never reaching to the
ceiling, being only about seven feet high
they seemed to me To be calculated for
rooms in a seminary where the education
Ot the sexes is in progress, instead OF FOL a
plain hotel. The walls are rich in the
exuberance of cracks, which will be quite
useful in time, when the proprietor gets a
porter he can Just stick his arm through a
crack and get IA guests shoes when they
need blaCkIng-withOut putting him 10
the trouble Of placing them outside the
door.
The night | hOnOred the Windsor House
it was intensely cold, a norther was blow
ing. Ny room was No. IL, and No. IL was
occupied by
AFFAIR YOUNG GIRL WITH BLUE EYES
and clad for Southern climate. Shea once
attracted my attention and my pity. |
could see that she was shivering with cold.
| waited to see if she wore wooden sleeping
apparel before | executed my pity. She
wore them not, poor girl. She, with
maiden simplicity, Intended to brave that
heartleSs couch with the most rudimentary
of cotton mutt clothes (HuH i French for
night. ! knew she would he a corpse be-
fore morning and the cOrOner's verdict
thrown to an unfeeling wOrld-'Suicide,
cause not apparent" Did they know the
deadly FIRE damp, the deadly upas tree
business, the insidious coils OF the hydra
headed cobra, and all that business of a
Junction house bed as | do, so many mar
tyrs would not 20 down in the %corOner's
inquest and the unsympathetic newspapers
as suicides.
She shivered so violently that
MY FALSE E CHARTERED THROUGH
SYMPATHY.
My mind WIS made upl (the last is with
the permission of Bertha NJ. Clay
whispered in the most heroic whisper.
maiden art thou cold? j am from the
Boreal North, | tear not the raging biz
GARD, | am hardened TO it. / hear thy
peaTly teeth chatter; wilt thou take my
sacque and a portion Of my covering To
warm into eXuberant life thy winsOme
figure?' She thanked NE and accepted.
l reached her my sacque and government
blanket through a crack, and kept only
the mattress and sheet for myself. / slept
under the mattress. | Am sure / saved
that girl frOm an ignominous death. This
is not q feat that a warrior would boast
of; but along the obscure walks of life We
fnd heroes whose names should be on the
roll Of fame and the Government pension
list. The heroes are not all dead yet We
are, a good many of Us, still alive and in
good health.
The other room adjoining mine was Oc.
cupied bya man. l had thought / had
heard snoring once before in my life,
when / occupied a hotel at which a par