Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1887-10-14
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE

blow early.
1t is curious fact that, whether you
live in the city or in the country you
have got to live con the square" in order
to be popular
The bride, in recent wedding in Bos-
ton, is described as a pretty woman with
brown hair and eyes and rich coloring."
This leaves open the painful question
whether or no she was "hand- painted"
Employer: SAN, can you give me
good definition of business shrewdness p"
sam: 81 should say, sir, that it was
the shortest lynn between two points"
Mrs. Cleveland takes the calle-when it
is thrown in her lap.
Many man who has been in the couu-
try all the summer has gone back "done
up brown"
"Pa," said New Hampshire farmers
daughter, 1.-THE LATEST tramp ever saw
came into the yard to-day He stood there
by the wood pile and let the dog undress
him."
We heard, the other day, Of a Nebraska
man who breaks stones with his fist. This
is just the sort of man who skedaddles for
the foothills whenever there is prospect
of meeting an understood, left handed
sheriff or an effemnate tax collector
Gen. Wallace dedicated the first editions
of his novel ben Hur" to "the wifi vt
my youth" In the later editions he fms
it necessary to add "who stlI ab4.e5
with me-" to counterfeit, we suppose, any
foolish impression that sensible woman
can't live in the same house with liter
airy man.
A writer in Bdbyhood gives directions
for moulding infants noses to any de-ired
style OF beauty. Those who have always
labored under horrible suspicion that
nature did not know what kind of nasal
appendage best suits an individual will
now have a chance to try their own hand
at it, on their unfortunate children
Young Dir. Shocks had a very bad head
ache, and pretty Mrs Shocks was reading
| to him. Presently she stopped, and look
ed very much annoyed. whats the
matter ?" asked Shocks. "There's a
swear word in here, or what was intended
| for swear word, and | won't read it ~
| pouted Mrs. Shocks. Let's see" said
Shocks. He took the book, and read
| The prisoner looked at her in blank as
| constituent"
Jake Sharp seems to have gone into
stays.
Too hard to please-a mohair mattress.
| The Lovers lane" in many park is
intersected by bridal paths.
Probably, of all sensational develop
ments, boils are the worst.
| woman was stage struck on Broad
way, New York, the other day. The
vehicle left her minus a hustle and about
four yards of cheap ribbon.
ooh dear, dear :" exclaimed Mrs. Pop.n-
| jay, who was reading the paper. "Hor-
rible accident a man killed by brick"
"Was it in his hat ~ inquired Popin-
jay.
An Indiana woman has record of five
pairs of twins. Somebody asked her hus
band, the other day, why he didn't begin
to build an ark.
Teacher, Johnny what do
you suppose becomes of the boy VINO whit
ties his desk ~
Johnny-"Dunno, nam. S'pose they'll
settle that question at Springfield"
! Democrat-"Well, sir, the democracy
has swept the State"
Republican-"It ought to have begun
at home and swept the city. There is
enough political corruption here to fill %
miles of cutters -
First Chicago anarchist-"I see that
Cleveland is swinging around the circle
The newspapers don't make very much Of
it, though"
Second anarchist-"No. they don't. Just
wal. till acc swing, though, and You'll see
their columns blaze :"
Our dudes are about to don cors - bou-
quets.-N. y. Morning journal.
One good way to avoid being suoetruck
is to keep the elbows perfectly stral ght.-
PhUddelphiu NcUS.
. Perhaps the Britishers would like to
| challenge our dynamite guu.-N y
Morning Journal
The dishonest butcher is always willing
to meat his customer half weigh.-BOStOn
Transcript.
; One of the country week" gils ex-
claimed upon seeing a watermelon grow
ing, "My | always 'sposed watermelons
grew in the water. youths COmpdn-
ion.
81 wanted roun' ticket for Scrapvlle,
Mister" "You have one, sir" See ere
young man, ye may be smart enough to
run railroad, but ye can't run it into me
that that ere squar' piece OF papers
roun' ,-allowiu' | be 90 years old next Oc-
tober. ''-Hdrpcr'S UceklU
\ writer on noses says those that stand
t out prominently represent characters that
are Discontinued with their lot. Perhaps
that is what incites the owners Of them
to poke their noses into other peoples
business SutiHgs
Papa" asked little Johnny NcSwilli-
gen, "why are some kings called august
majesties' -
Because they make it hot for heir sub
t jects," was the reply.-PittSbrgh ChroHi
, cie.
| 4 sudden Sensation
OF chiincss invading the backbone, followed