St. Paul daily globe., 1887-10-02
JUMP UP A LITTLE.
A Citizen Who Has Caught the Theory
Of Comfort in Elevators.
THEY ARE POORLY CLOTHED.
The Old Timers Idea of Modern Ball
DreSSes---NeW Uim sIn-
jun" Fight.

Young feller, never git inter one
0v them eleyaturS what they run in
them high buildin's nowadays without
eXpectin' sum kerlamity afOre / git out
Ov it, am don't ride in one when kin
help it. I've made er study ov them
things, an kalkerlated on how I'd act
i'll case ther burned thing shud lose its
grip an slide down. Whenever er fell
ler goes down on one Ov them, just be-
fore it stops he Shud bend his knees er
little. Eff he does this it will break ther
force Ov ther stop, an won't drive his
hip Jlnts up inter his Stumach. tell
yerS it's mighty bad fur ther Stumach
ter stop so suddint; it knocks er feller's
internal fiXin'S all out Ov shape. | see
one ov them things fell in er buildin' in
New York t'Other day an killed two or
three people. Now, I'll tell yer whut
ter do ef one Ov them falls when you're
in it. Watch out, an just before you
strike ther bottom jump up in ther air
erbOut two feet, an when yer cum
down let yer knees bend and yer'll
light as soft as er chicken. / sirpoSe
yer git Oh ter ther idee."
THEY ARE POORLY CLOTHED.
Il don't go inter Serciety much myself
nowadays, but l hang Ground ther edges
er good deal an watch ther show. It's
surpriSin' how serciety- heZ changed
Sence l cum ter this country forty years
ergo. Then there wuZ no winmin
here but squawS, an when they wanted
ter look mighty fine and captivatin'
they'd put on er pail of blue soldiers
pants an er military coat with brass
buttons an shoulder fixin's, but they
wore them buttoned up clus erroun'
THAR necks. Now, I'm darned eff ct
don't make me blush ter see ther VIM
mi fn Inv.
dressed that air way I'd thOt father
wusn't furnishin' her with half ernough
clothes ter wear. 'Taint Fight, young
feller, 'taint right, -nOhOw. Wimmin
Shud wear more clothes than they do
when they go ter dances nowadays
Why, sum ov EN- look ez though
they'd got er little late am
hustled Off without thinkin' ter put on
THAR dress. Eff my father he'd caught
my sister prancin' errOund in ther shape
sum Ov these girls go ter dances now
days, yer can bet yer life he'd give her
one Ov ther durndest spankin's a human
bein' ever got. Why, can remember
OK hearin' my sister say several times
that she couldn't go ter parties caus she
hadn't got emmy clothes ter wear, but
thet don't seem ter make emmy differ
ence to girls nowadays; they go jest az
if they had all ther clothes they needed.
RECLAIMED HIS SCALP.
"Yaas, was in thet New Ulm Iniun
fight twenty-five years ago, an never
want ter git mixed up with ernOther
one ez long ez live. I'd rather stand
up IN front Ov er dozen big cannons full
Ov grape an canister than ter face one
live Injun who is crazy ter kill yer, an
after yer dead he stoOps down an saws
ther scalp off ov yer head ez er sort ov
keepsake. got er bullet plump through
my right shoulder in that air fight, but
l kept right on shOotin', an every time
fired OY course ther gun kicked and
ther blood wud squirt in er stream out
Ov ther bullet hole berhind me. l kept
it up ez long eZ l cud, but finally he'd
ter give up. Their blood leakin' out Ov
me made me weak an l he'd ter lay
down. | reckon l tainted erway, fur
ther next thing | remember wus feelin'
er pain on top ov my head, an feelin'
up ther found thet some burned Injun
he'd cut er chunk out ov.my scalp. 1t
made me so dOggone mad thet l got up
on my knees am l laid out three big
bucks thet wuS wanderin' Ground with
THAR knives out, lOokin' fur sumpthin'
ter cut er scalp Off Ov. One Ov ther
bucks he'd six scalpS stuck in his belt
an one Ov them wuS mine. / could tell
it by ther color ov ther hair. / took
ther scalp an put it in alkerhawl an hev
got it ter home now. | wouldn't take er
fortune fur it. l got er new piece ov
skin on my head whar ther scalp cum
frum, but ther aint no hair crowd THAR
SINCE" OLD TIMER.