The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-03-31
WIT AND HUMOR.
Naomi was $50 wears old when 9,

| Lag1ouS- Anyhow, IL would De q harm-
less experiment to cause a Congress
man to contract the disease.-Neso
HdUen Neacs.
This is one CT the silent watches of
the night" remarked Fangle, as he
looked at his timepiece on rising this
morning and found that it had stopped
at II p. m.-Pittsbwg Chronicle.
A new volume iust issued is entitled
1.-The Anatomy Of Money" We trust
an entire chapter is devoted to the
vocal organs to show how and why it
is that money talks and what it says
Philadelphia Press.
What wuz de tex dis mornin', Mr..
johnson? l wuz too late" ut wuz
about &c meracles, Bro. Snow. Whar
de Lor' fed seven people on 5000
baskets OF fish, Il don't see any
meracle about dat" 30, de meracle
am dey all didn't bust. "-Judgc.
Mrs. Grudge-''What do you sup
pose possessed Mrs. Brown TO tell me
your mother kept a boarding-house,
Mrs. ParvenueP" Sally Parvenue (who
is precocious)-''Perhaps it was the
same reason that made her tell NAM
ma that your father drove hack
Life.
A lady was once lamenting the i'll
luck which attended her affairs, when
a friend, wishing to console her, babe
her ''look upon the bright side 90"
she sighed, there seems to be no
bright side" Then polish up the
dark one" was the reply. This was
sound advice.-Liviag Church,
A newspaper correspondent called
on Ben Butler few days ago and
found him reading the Bible As he
was a Washington newspaper cor
respondent he became much interested
in the book, and asked the General if
he knew where another copy could be
obtained. -N0rriSt01Un Herald.
"Half-fare for that big boyr' ex-
claimed the conductor. s'Did the ticket
agent see him when he sold YOU the
ticket for him?" ''Of course he didr'
snapped the woman. but you must
remember it's some time since we
started. You didn't expect the child
to stop growing, did youP" -Pittsbawg
Dispatch.
''Were you at the opera last night?"
| inquired young Ponsonby of a friend.
Eyes. Wasn't it charming?" 30,
presume it was fair. They weren't on
the stage long enough, though, for
fellow to be able to give a critical
opinion" ''Who weren't?'' The
ballet, of course. "-Pittsbalrg Dispatch.
The latest acquisition of a dime
museum is a man who has spiral
neck shaped something like a cork
screw. 1t is supposed that he sat in a
theater behind high hat and twisted
his neck out of shape in trying to get
a glimpse of the stage. 1t is wonder
| there are not more such freaks. -
NOrriStO3On Herald.
Dumley had been indulging in some
lofty flights of fancy when he was in
terrupted by Featherly. well, what
in Great Caesars name have you been
drinking to-day, Dumley?" he asked.
''Drinking?" replied Dumley, with con-
scious pride. Il haven't touched a
drop to-day" well, l thought some
thing was the matter."-N T. Sun.
A Burlington woman hailed a half
frozen tramp the other day: ''Say,
come around to the back door and I'll
give you something" ''When the
tramp put in an appearance she ex-
claimed: There, you've done a good
job for me. You've broken a path to
the clothes-line, and here's temper
ance tract for you. "-Burlington Free
Press.
In certain town in England
curate tickled his congregation one
Sunday morning by saying, Here
endeth the first inning" after reading
lesson No. l. After the service the
clerk told him of the circumstance, to
which the superior CALCULATED: did
lP Well, | was thinking about that
fine catch [ made yesterday!"-Detroi
Free Press.
'And so your dear Uncle David is
deadP Was he sick long?" mot a
great while, but he was great sufferer.
Everything, however, was done for him
that was possible" Then of course,
you are all satisfied with his medical
treatment?" 80, yes; that is to say,
all of US except Cousin John. Uncle
David didn't leave John anything but
the family Bible. "-BoSto1o Transcript.
Prevaricahon: Uncle Primrose
Where you git dat yer pullet, Clawed
Clad? Clawed-I done WIN him in de
rattle. Uncle Primrose-Clawed, you's
lynn; all dem RATHER chickens wuz
dead ones-picked and ready for cook
/ in li-
trawnce, Unk Primrose, en- for de
Lawd, he come to, an put on he's
leaders when | winned him. an he
done see he wuz in sech safe comply.
-7Id-Btds.
Two ladies were discussing an after
noon tea as they rode along in Back
Bay car last Friday, and, among some
of the frank criticisms offered for the
benefit of the other passengers, one
said: II can't imagine why Mrs.
Blancmange asked that Grub girl to
pour chocolate. She isn't anybody |
ever heard of" 80, | know why"
said the other sweetly. "She happens
to have pretty profile. "-BoSton
Herald.
seHendrick's Universal Pomatum is |
a sure protection against robbers and
burglars! A thief lately entered the
house of Meyer Hirsch, the millionaire,
where he succeeded in breaking open
the safe; however, he left all the gold |
and other valuables untouched, and |
took away only one box of this poma-
tum, which is more valuable than all |
the treasures of the world And vet |
we offer it at the miserable low price |
of sixpence pot. "-Abendzettang.
Baltimore is about to do a sensible !
thing in doing away with the massive
emblems of woe which women consider |
it necessary to carry around with them. |
The world needs all the brightness it |
can get, and mourning is in the heart.