Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-01
THE JOYS OF LIFE.
4 Few Nuggets of Wisdom About Our
Home Pets.

Home Pets.
l have received q letter asking for half a
ream of advice at my lowest rates. The
writer, gentleman of quiet, refined taste
sedentary habit and a sparsity Of hair, de.
sires to cheer up the solitude of his home by
Introducing pet, and wishes to know the
variety OF pet most suitable to the tranquil
enjoyment be seeks, together with hints upon
the maintenance and general care Of the same
ana an approximate estimate of the cost.
Pets vary in size and temperament. The
tastes of some men incline them to large pets
and of others to small pets.
a man inclined to fabby corpulence and
wishing to tone up his system and tone down
his waistband by steady and invigorating
exercise may safely indulge in pet bear
There is nothing I know in the entire animal
kingdom so calculated to furnish man with
athletic pastime as a well developed bear.
Canaries are lemon colored affiiction but
one degree removed from felony or yellow
fever. One pair of S4 canaries turned loose
on an unsuspecting family will wreck more
happiness than a savings bank cashiers vaca-
tion or a fire.
If 1 felt that life was not complete without
song l should endeavor to purchase music
h4OAOuC ILc
l had pair of canaries in June, 1874. In
August had four; in October, eight, and by
June, 1875, had seventy-six, and fifty-two
of these were of the female species and al
ready on the nest. tried to give the birds
away, and l tried to turn them loose, but all
in vain, and was immersed in hempseed and
misery until one day, in a moment of des-
peration, committed arson in the third de-
gree, and had a reedbird breakfast.
A parrot both satisfies the longing of a
man for a pet and makes life pleasant for the
neighbors.
A bright and active parrot cost about 500
before he has learned how to swear or for
cotton how to yell. His education being
being valued at about 81 word, it can
readily be seen that fluent profanity may
only be expected in birds costing from 500
up. The most economical way for clergy
man or an elderly maiden lady to do is to
buy the crude parrot, hang it out of a Win
dow and let it pick up the rudiments of
strong language from the neighbors.
had parrot once with a green body, a
yellow head and bad eye, and for three
long months he was thoughtful and observ-
ant, and my aunt benevolently sang "Old
Hundred" to him, repeated various texts in
his hearing and in other ways tried to give
him a wholesome, Christian education ST.
multaneously, a small, freckled boy next
door conversed within range of the parrot,
taking q somewhat different key.
Alligators are easily domesticated, and are
pleasant pets to have in house with small
children but I have found it just as effective
to leave rat poison around, artfully spread
upon doughnuts and other delacacies.
The most refined and contemplative pet 1
know is a Texan horned frog. A horned
frog looks like lizard which has been passed
through q rolling machine and then studded
with prickles He does not sing, and it is
necessary to pry his mouth open and ram his
food down in order to keep him alive in this
trying climate, but with these trivial draw
backs he is a pet of great value.
Horned frogs cost nothing in Arizona, and
may be shipped by mail at the same low
rates as rattlesnakes, scorpions and other
territorial produce.
A healthy horned frog will sleep on his
belly four months without moving, and then
may be turned upon his back, where he will
sleep four more, and this amusing trait en-
dears him to his owner and keeps monotony
from the door. Occasionally during the sum-
mer he will open his eyes and take stealthy
review of his surroundings, but this phe-
nomenon may not be expected to occur
oftener than seven times in four years, and,
as the process is entirely noiseless, will not
disturb even the most sensitive person.
Pets are necessary to the higher enjoyment
of life, but how to select is one of the most
difficult problems ever presented There are
incompatibles in pets, as in matrimony and
medicines Cats and canaries do not go well
together-or, rather, go together too well,
and the consolidation has little value; and
keeping a parrot in the same cage with a
monkey does not improve either his morals
or his plumage. should advise any one de-
sirous of getting a pet which will brighten
his dull hours and enliven care to procure
either a sacred white elephant or horned
frog, and retire at once to his enjoyment.
All other varieties are fraudulent and I'M
satisfactory.-Henry Guy Carleton in New
York World.