Daily Yellowstone journal. [volume] (Miles City, Mont.) 1882-1893, 1887-05-03
"WANT JACKIN Up"
L. What Jones says il the Trouble with Min
neapolis Christians.

IL W hat Jones says II the Trouble with Min
neapolis Christians.
Sam Sones Is still laundering away
at the Minneapolis people, and this is
what he told them saturday. THE
eastern people boasted that the palm
tree was good for 376 things. / wish
you would put down in paper low
many things you are good for. They
say We Methodists are always putin
and blown an workin' our way into
Heaven. That's true and that's false.
Good words never get man to Heav-
Ell alone. but l never rec anybody
'cept al idiot get t. Heaven without
good works. Whenever you fin a
Methodist or Baptist or Presbyterian
that's first-class in one thing, you'll
fin he's pretty tolerabIe good in other
things. tell you what makes me
sick. It's 10 see lirst-class doctor and
a tenth-rate Methodist all in one hide.
Hes one of the bes; merchants, but a
tifth.rate christian. How many ofour
leading lawyers of this town are lead
ing Christians. am glad there il no
criminal court in Heaven. Ther'll be
mighty few lawyers there. Some of
the best men ever knew were law
yers, bur how few are Christians.
And then take the doctors. Why, its
got 20 that our doctors think they can't
make pill until they get to Je an az.
nostic. Ag-fool. have got less pa
tience with these little infiddles-I
b'lieve you cali 'em Iniidels here.
Why, one Of them fellows never reau a
hundred pages of good literature In
his life, and then they vii! come mp
an tell Us there's no God. Ii you
want to catch an intidel just bait your
hook with one and you'll catch 'em
right along. 'spect you've got lot'
O. little fellows aud lots - female fel
lows in this town followin' Bob Inger
soil round. Now, I've got some re
spect for Bob-he got $500 night 70
being an intiddle; but you people tba
paid dollar apiece for being nobod,
an got nothin' and then had to boar,
yourselves That's the lowest dowi
thing I've ever seen.
THE palm tree! Good for thre,
hundred things. There's sister
she's good 10 tattle, TO dance. To slaI
her children about; but how man!
good things is she good for?
somebody said TO me, Jones, de
spise your slang 'Wby?' Well
you said dog and hog in the pulpit,
Why, you fool, those are good scrip
tural animals. Some o. you fellows
that talk about slang wouldn't know
wnat il was you was to see II coming
down the road with u red hat on"
"Our religion is too narrow. Ii con
sists of reading the Bible and praying
IL reminds me Of Stephenson's fire,
engine. IL nsd two wheels and woulc
run three miles an hour jickety-jig
People got tired OF it and finally th,
engineer lacked it up and put sil
wheels under 1t aud then she mad
u mile IA minute. These little two
wheeled Christians want iackin' up
Why the devil could give you te,
miles the start and then ratch YOU bt
fore you could get break fast. Get ii,
whe .ls under you!
AN you men you didn't com
here from the glass, like these womer
| don't blame you. The more yo
look in there the worse opinion yo
have Of youself. | believe Minneap,
lis has more pretty women and ugl
men than | ever saw. An sort
feel nj home among you men, tool
"A palm tree will grow any whei
you plant II. So will Christian
They'll grow anywhere In Gods IN