davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01
HumOr in Literature.

The most nearly immortal character
of literature is FaStat, and FaLStaE is
II humorous character. The most long
lived of All writing is humorous writ
ing. Great Libraries are Tiled with the
dead bod es OF many books that were
once famous-boo 5 that were written
10y statesmen and powerful bishops.
The, lie, only disturbed by tho curious.
untouched by any Odd Mortality
who write names anew on the scroll of
human thought. What tile old vol
ume IS that over which that grav-hair-
ed sage is laughng?' 1t is u humor.
Gus story written hundreds of years
ago.
What is il that keeps the "Vicar of
WakeieId' SO fresh? Not its quiet,
pastoral atmospheric, nor Its plot, nor
It's dies riplion. but its humor WHY
do We stroll W tn bonblStic old MtcaC0-
Der? Not because he is unfortunate,
but b cause he makes his misforlunes
umorous. Humor /, the most natural
Of I'LL literary quail ties. In | fe fifty
smiles ring out while one tear IS fall
ing. NJ n lay We smile at our tears OF
Saturday. Tine greatest of all phil
nsoph, -rcsigualion, is itself quiet
! smile.
The American newspaper is the best
in the worIL. not because it conta rs
accounts of more murders aad disasters
Than an other jnirn Il, but b'cauSc
It br ngs more goo cheer into the
family. do not say this in defense Of
he American humorst. but AZ u state.
mcut of fact. The newspaper humOrist
and where is the journalist who has
not tried Ii 5 paw in this d rection?-
perhaps needs defense. He writes q
great deal of that which is politely
known as ..rot,' but so do all writer's.
The humorIsts efforts may not please
the "gcnteman' who sips his coffee al
morning with lremulous bIubber. who
the night before told old jokes over new
VIII sky,-but they may create a laugh
at the farmers breakfast table.
! Addison thought that nearly al
writers had at some time aspired to b.
humorists, and do not know but tha
such an aspirat on is just as praise
worthy rs the aspiration VIII CHI nearly
every writer has-tliat Of trying L
please.
Humor should be just as refined Il
pathos. The newspaper that prints al
obscene joke should not be admitted
into respectable family. 1t Is bette
to be dull than vulgar. PremeditateC
humor. like prcmeditated poetry, i
generally OF poor quality. Incidental
pleasantly, having the average of I'm
expenditures. breathes the most en- Joy
able humor. 1t is of course lmposSibl
to grind out so many yards of hume
r per week; and the wonder is that on
comic publications are no worse tina
I they are. -Opie +. Read, IN The Jou,
=, 1tatiSL
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01
CHANCES in Old Rome

President Smart, of Purdue univer-
sity:
IAN who hope to see Rome with all
its glories had better 90 10 Italy very
soon. There will soon remain no
vestigc of the ancient city. Nine years
.ago i saw the Latium capital. and
while in Europe this summer again
went to Rome. The change is amaz-
ing. When first saw it the population
was 1870. 900; now it is a vast city of
5000 0 souls. l have never seen such
growth and such vast enterprises as
are on foot there. Armies of men are
at work on the streets and in building.
Par sian flats have come into vogue.
aud the tall walls of modern bu Id ngs
are obscuring the arch tccIual classics.
The Coliseum once stood in II field al
most in the country. Now 1t is
hemmed in BY wall and surrounded
BY new build ngs. Some OF the finest
old churches are almost covered up by
high tenement houses. The m.r,crn
Italian cares liillr for the fad ng glories
of old Rome. He has ruihlcssly divided
40 The very Seven Hills. ~ it were, in
to ccsner lois. - ,dia,4apo IS Aews.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01
What Is lt2

The farmer residents south OF Vim
cennes are greatly excited over q
strange wild animal that has frequent
ly been seen in the swnmpy reg on in
tina. vicnitt, and it is thought to be a
panther The Vi"cennes omDierctat.
speaking of the terror the an nal has
created. says that it roams about the
swamps between the Evansville and
Terre Hautc railway and the Evans
vile wagon road, and ut times VEN
lures out in the fields and into tho
highways 1t has been seen frequent
ly b, parties of well-known verac ty
and whose judy does not m slcad
them, so that there renia ms ne doubt
OF the fact that the animal has taken
up its abode within two and One-half
m les of the city. 1t makes frequent
devastating RI ds upon the farmers
pigs. lambs. geese. and etc. 1t uttcrs
a peculiar. loud AMI terri Tying scream.
which so closely resembles the scream
of an aflrighted woman, or some one
in distress. that it has frequently led
persons to hasten into the midst OF the
Jungle in the swamps thinking that some
awful murder was being comm tied.
On reaching the spot from which the
scream came, it seemed TO be moving
farther into the dense undrrbrush of
the swamp. Hours nave been spent in
futile attempt to rescue the supposed
times the rcscuing party have rushed
unexpectedly upon the ferocious look
ing animal, which would change its
scream to a deep gulteral growl or a
piercing howl. 1t is needless to say
that in every instance the rescuers
have beat rs hasty retreat as the
brier-grown brambles would allow. In
no case has the animal ever attacked
anyone, but ut once boldly assumes
the defensive when approached. 1t
offers savage resistance when mOlest-
cd, but quietly retires to its lair when
the attack has been withdrawn.
Hunters have endeavored to induce
their dogs to follow the animals trail,
but only in few instances could they
be induced to give chase. a few times
the dogs have attacked the beast, but
have been knocked back and returned,
VIII ming TO their mast"r", completely
whipped. A large crowd of young
farmers are making up hunting par
ty, and expect TO make thorough
search, with dogs and guns, through
the woods which it is known to fire.
quont. in hopes of killing the animal.
which has brcome 4 terror TO children
md an annoyance 10 the farmers.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01
They Don't Speak Now.

M husband loved me when | was a
mere ch Id, " said one Chicago lady to
another.
'Indced! That is quite romantic"
Yes. he asked papa for my hand
when | was only fifteen wears old, and
papa said he could have me if l would
consent"
"And he waited till he was of age?'
Yes"
We'll" said the other spitefully. 81
rccoIlcct hearing your husband say the
other day that he always gets left when
he dabblcd in the futures. "-Merchatst
IrQreier.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01
Not Too Busy for That,

1--WE very important editorial to
write. james," said a country editor TO
the bov. land must not on no account
be disturbed
"Yessir. said the awe-slruck boy.
In five minutes James raped limid-
ly at the door.
"D,dn'l Tell you that mustn't be
disturbei?" shouted the editO-,
There s man down stairs with
half bushcl Of turnlps" shouted
james.
''SI,ow him up ut oncer shouted the
editor. = The II och.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01
In Hard uck.

Tramp-Could you furnish, me lodg'
ing OF an, kinl Tonight?
'.Whv don't YOU work and earn mon.
ey TO pay your wa p'
IL did work unit a few months ago.
"Wlat business were you IMP
Il was pastor Of one OF the wealthies
congregation IN Connrclicut."
..Is That SOP Then what reduced you
to this cond onp'
Seven donation part es IN sl'
mouths"
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01
C,urcn and Reform Associations.

The MoXie Nerve Food Is creating the WIIu-
est concern among the wholesale liquor deal
ers. 1t stops the rum habit at once, and
makes the drinker feel better than liquor;
leaves only good solid health, and doubles the
drinkers capacity for endurance, and the re-
tail liquor dealers find they can make more
money on IL than on liquor. The church and
reform associations are backing the Moxie
everywhere Now the wholesalers want to
lob the Moxie. II Is certainly making great
stir. and we hope it is to be the solution OF
the liquor question. Our druggists have It,
An Indiana young man. after making love
to two girls. borrowed money OF one 10 pay
the expenses OF marrying the other. He need
not be surprised II his wife soon offers to pay
his fair creditor double the sum loaned him to
take him of her hands,
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01

The diffusion process for making sugar
il very simple. 1t consists, in brief, in
chopping un the cane into small bits, say
slices an eighth of an inch thick. then
sleeping the mass IN tubes for two or three
hours with hot water. This extracts the
saccharine matter much more effectively
than the ordinary mode of squeezing the
cane between rollers. The warm juice
thus Obtained is then heated and stirred
with the addition of lime. and finally
br, ught to IL boil; it is then allowed to
stand awhile and the clear part is then
run int" the vacuum pans and boiled into
sugar. in the usual manner. The refuse
from the tubs may be fed to cattle. Any
intelligent farmer may work the process,
The cost of apparatus is small.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01
THE PEOPLE
OfFort Wayne wild with Excitement
Over Assessor Schr9der,s Report.

VI EOEt ne WIN WIN ASASAsCshcus
over Assessor Schr9der's Report.
Messrs. Dreier & Bro, Druggists, Fort
Wayne, Ind:
Gentlemen--This is to certify that
suffered severely this spring with lnfiam-
matory rheumatism, After trying quite a
number of rheumatic remedies and get
ting little or no relief, by your recon-
mendation tried Hibbards Rheumatic
Syrup and Plasters with the happiest re-
suits, curing me entirely in about ten
days. and have had no return Of it since.
! cheerfully recommend Hibbard's Rheu.
matte Syrup and Plasters to my sufferin 6
friends. Chas j. II. Schroeder,
Deputy City Assessor, 81 Broadway.
Hibbards Rheumatic Syrup is put in
large packages and is the greatest Blood
Purifier known Its peculiar combination
makes it great Family Remedy. For a
dyspeptic, bilious or a constipated person
it has no equal. acting upon the stomach,
liver and kidneys in a pleasant and healthy
manner. Read our pamphlet and learn
of the great medicinal value Of the RENE
dies which enter into its composition.
Price Sl.00 per bottle; six bottles $500.
For sale by aladruggists.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01

A clergyman, after years of suffering from
that loathsome disease, Catarrh, and yainly
trying every known remedy, at last found a
prescription which completely cured and saved
him from death. Any sufferer from this dread.
full disease sending self addressed stamped
envelope to Prof. J. A. Lawrence, 2l2 East
9th St., New York, will receive the recipe free
of charge.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01
-
SnmellOdYsa Child.

Somebody's child is dying-dying with the
flush of hope on his young face, and some.
body's mother thinking of the time when that
dear face will be hidden where no ray of hope
can brighten it-because there was no cure fol-
consumption. Reader, II the child be your
neighbours, take this comforting word to the
mothers heart before 1t is too late. Tell her
that consumption is durable; that men are
living to-day whom the physicians pronounced
incurable, because one lung had been almost
DESTROYED by the disease. DR.. Pierce's Gold
Ell Medical Discovery" has cured hundreds
surpasscs cod liver oil, hypophosphites, and
other medicines in curing this disease. Sold
by druggists.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01
ItchIng Plies.
l.x~To.x,n Nf.;zk,.o su4~-un

Moisture; intense itching and
stinging most at night; worse by scratching.
If allowed to continue tumOrs form, which
often bleed and ulcerate, becoming very sore.
Swayne's Ointment stops the itching and bleed
ing. heals liberation. and in many cases re-
moves the tumors. 1t is equally efllcacious in
curing all Skin Diseases. DR.. Swayne & Son.
Proprietors, Philadelphia. Swayne's Ointment
can be obtained of druggists. Sent by mail
for so cents.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01

A colored man of Smthvilc. Ca, finding
that his lady love had been locked In the
house by her father, climbed down the CHM
ney The father. on returning, discovered
the duskv Adonis with his daughter besmear-
ed with SCOT. "Da amt no use in sto pin
dem. but de Lawd work wild UNI. Lem go
alpnO
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01

A young man at Tifin. o., courted Young
lady until o'clocK in the morning. When he
started to go home he found the door fasten-
ed with wires so that he could not open II.
When lie tried to crawl out Of a window lie
was arrested as . burglar, aud had to be
identified by the girl
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01

An freshman was asked for his marriage
scar on the head, evidently done by fiat iron.
This evidence was to the point. Our certih-
Gates are the praises of those who have ex.
periencel wonderful cures by the use of DR..
Bulls Cough Syrup.
Salvation Oil is the greatest cure on earth
for pain. 1t affords instant relief and speedy
cure to all sufferers from rheumatism, neural
gia, headache, sore throat, cuts, bruises, &c.
Price 25 cents
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01

A young man at Xenia, Ohio, deserted his
bride on the day of his wedding. and got as
far as Cincinnati. when his heart failed him,
and he turned back. The wedding was several
hours late. but the bride was made happy.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01
Didn't Dictate.


A tourist stopped at IL log-cabin to
get drink of water. Noticing a very
lean steer near the door chewing Il rag
the tourist, addressing the ''landlord. -
said:
That's a very lean animal"
"Ya>, sorler."
SWIM don't you give him someth no
to ealp.'
"An't he ealin'p"
Yes. eaLIngn rag
"WaIl. of ras SUITS him. all right.
amt no man to dictate
He II not make verl good beef"
"ReckGn not; don't want him fur
beef. ride him."
Ride him!'
"That's what 7 said. Some 70 ks
mout prefer er boss but l want or
steer You on .hler see hun trot
Don low notn n to pass him on the
roa,I. w y, he so much pearter than
any OF the bosses ab ut here that when
any boly is in hurr, to 20 after q
doctor they general, come here and
git him."
Il never heard Of any thing Ike thai
before"
al reckon not; an eff you stay round
here very long you Il hear o err good
many things you never heard o befo'.
Never heard o ole Mat Tompson swol-
Ter n a snake, did you?"
No"
"Wall, he done it,"
'What forp'
hungry. l reckon. 1 seed
h m at the lime an thought that the
proceedin' was sorter strange. but as
amt no man TO dictate I let him &C
ahead. Wander comes my son-in-law,
an do know that he's less account
than any Teller that ever lived. Lool
at him sloshin along like Il fool"
why did you permit your daughter
to marry hm?"
Didn't tell you that l want MAJ
to dictate? l reckon you'd better b.
gone. A feller that's rs hard O. under
standin' as you air mout git man i'll
ter trouble. "-Arkdnsato Traveller.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01

When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria
When she was Child, she cried for Castorla,
When she became Miss.sh chung to Castoria,
When she had Children,she gave themCastorla
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01

Tetter-A member of the Pioneer Press
staff, troubled for eleven years with obstinate
letter on his hands. has completely cured It
I'm less than month. by the use of Coles
Carbolsalve Pioneer Press, st. Paul
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01
beautiful women

are made pallid and unattractive by junction
al Irregularities which Or. Pierce's .'Favorite
Prescription" will infallibly cure. Thousands
of trstiinonIals By druggists.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01

A young man who had been compelled to
marry girl at jamestown, N. Y, shot him
self through the head as soon as the ceremony
was concluded.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01

Or. Pierccs "Pellets"-the original "I.ittle
Liver pills" (sugar coated sick and
bilious headache, sour stomach and bilious
attacks. BY druggists.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01

Throat Diseases commence with q Cough,
| Cold. or Sore Throat. "BrOrnS bronchial
| Troches'' give immediate relief. .Sold only ia.
| boIes. Price . cts.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01

Animals have pretty much the same gait.
They all walk, trot, run or lope, but there $
only one goat.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01

General Franz Sigel is pension agent at New
York. lie was a German soldier who volun
teered In the war.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01

The youngest daughter Of Mr.. Gladstone Is
principal OF the collete Tor young women az
Newman, near Cambridge.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01

A band of bunko-steers call themselves a
salvation army because they prey on the
streets
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01

A Texas photographer advrriises 10 take
hoiograph ms qu OK as niue can kick
Bndifg.0 Tree r. ess.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01
Consumption surely Cured.

If afflicted with Sore Eyes. use DR.. Isaac
ThompsOn's Eye Water. Druggists sell 1t. 25.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01
To Rheumatic Syrup Co., Jackson, NJ


Your letter of the seventh inst, is be-
fore me. and in reply will say: If my
former letter to you win do suffering hu'
mainly any good it should be published.
1t was through letter from a resident OF
Pontiac that first brought it to my daugh'
ter's notice, and my only regret is that
we did not know of it year ago instead
of the last six months. | shall still pre-
scribe it to my patients. as | think it is
the most wonderful remedy known oil
eyer put before the public, Truly your
reward will be great as suffering humanity
is blessed, and as you become more thor
oughly known. Very truly yours.
Dr. f. A. Chapman.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01

To the EDITOR
Please inform your readers that I have a
positive remedy for the above named disease.
BY its timely use thousands OF hopeless cases
have been permanently cured. shall be glad
to send two bottles of my remedy FREE to any
of your readers who have consumption if they
will send me their Express and p. o. address.
Respectfully,
T. A. Slocum, NC, 1Sl Pearl St., New York.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01

For Dyspepsia, Indigestion, depression Of
Spirits, General Debility in their various forms +;
also preventive against Fever and Ague, other
intermittent Fevers. ''Ferro-PhOs horated
Elixir of Calisaya." made by Hazard, Hazard
& Co., n Y. sold by all druggists; best tonic
for atients recovering from Fever or other
sickness; it has no equal.
Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-01

A tourist stopped at log-cabin to
get drink of wafer. Noticing a very
lean steer near the door chewing Il rag
the tourist, addressing the Landlord. y
4.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1887-03-01
CrPID'S CUNNING.

They dashed across the cleaning snow
Two lovers in cutter
And rosy cheeks were all aglow-
But 'twasn't cold or frost, you know,
For crimson comes when glances show
The things love dare not utter.
The eloquence Of priciest speech ~
The secret may discover;
For ardent glances may bcsecch
A thrilling touch, n sigh, may teach
The pleasant knowledge sought byeacn,
The secret OF the lover.
But love il never long obtusc;
He set his wits contriving;
For said the knave with cunning ruse,
al wish had three arms "Why choose
Three arms?" she asked 81 have to use
The other two for driving
A crimson blusha dropping head
The inference ecstntc
The maiden caught. for lol she said,
Dear, / will drive the horse instead"
Twas done and DER the snow they sped
In happiness emphatic.
What need OF wide experience, -.
Or teaching to assist her?
She wants no other evidence
Than that which subtly captures sense,
And so she deemed it no oiicnse
When smack her lover kissed her.
Texas Siitings.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1887-03-01
4 RONDEIl.

She said: Don't! Stop How could !
know
The nicer shades OF prosody?
i soon forgot--her eyes shone SO
Where punctuating points should he.
The distant band throbbed tenderly;
The lights were dim; her tones were low
She said Don't Stop!' How could ]
know
Tlo nicer shades of prosody?
Soon ecphoncme and comma flee;
From far of where the walters 90
The perIumed notes swell to'and FRO
Her sweet, red lips were close to me
She said: DON'T Stop How could !
know
Tho nicer shades OF prosody'
Wasp.