Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1887-07-14
SOME RAILWAY HUMOR.
\ Compilation of Jokes, Good, Bad
and indifferent.

Our most celebrated living art critic,
Mr.. Ruskin, has very strong objec.
tion TO the railway being carried
through any district where there is ex-
ceptionally beautiful scenery; and yet a
railway and its stations do not of ne
cessity disligure the landscape; indeed
there are many pretty railway stations
dotted here and there over the country.
1t may be, however that most of the
whole number are anything but pleas
ant places, and it may be concluded
that very few of them are places calcu-
lated TO give much amusement. Still,
there is none which may be said to
supply both of these requirements. A
house near to it was advertised as an
eligible summer residence, on both Of
the auove mentioned accounts. ut
cemmands," said the advertisement,
"not only a view of the pretty little
railway station, but also of the people
who miss the ;trains." Thus beauty
aud amusement.
Railway plant is not very suggestive
OF humor. Such Of the drolltry as one
comos across is almost as heavy and
quite as lumber some as the greater
part of the plant itself. Surely it must
have a serious travail of the mind to
bring to light such a conundrum as the
following: "Why Is a locomotive en-
CINE like a comet ? Because it las a
head light and carries long train" :"
OF course there are worse jokes, even
off the line, but one does not often
meet with them. a New York paper
is guilty of perpetratlng the following:
"a Western railroad company is seri-
ously thinking of calling It's main road
The Primogeniture Route" because
it is the heir line"
A very fair attempt at joke of the
lugubrlous kind was once committed
by a guard on one of the short midland
lines. The company was very small
and very poor, and it was just a little
more than they could do to make ends
meet at the yearly day OF reckoning,
There were net many conveniences for
the passengers. and indeed they were
not quite so much cared for as the
goods i'm the wagons that were fixed up
with the carriages. AS for the guard
ats ONE of the stations on the line he
was ticket clerk, station master, pas
senger porter, and goods-porter all in
one.
Just before leaving the junction on a
certain day, fussy passenger called
him to the window. "Look here,
guard,n he said ; "why don't you have
foot-warmers in these carriages We
shall get our death of cold"
swell, you see," responded the
guard. lone Of the directors is a doc
tor, another is chemist, and another
is a'tombstone mason; and you know
in this would people must live and let
live. So you see, D
"All right, guard; go ahead. You
ought to have had another director a
coffin-maker, and then we could have
got a special catastrophe for the benefit
of the directorate.
1--WE aveh cofiin-maker amongst
them, sir :; but 1 thought it would be
too suggestive to mention him."
s'Ah, well, it is rather suggestive" "
said the passenger. $50 what do you
think of an accident, for the express
benefit of your mixed lot OF directors ?
express, did you say ~ asked the
guard. sab, you have not been on
this line before; or you would not talk
like that. Why, sir, we don't go fast
enough to come to any harm, even #
we ran off the lines; and as for COLI
sion. that isan impossibility, for our
only other engine is laid up with a
twisted cylinder and broken wheel" "