The sun. [volume] (Morris, Stevens County, Minn.) 1882-1895, 1887-09-15
BILL NYE TACKLES THE CLAM,
AND IN HIS OWN WAY TELLS HOW HE Be.
CAME TRULY REPENTANT.

AND IN HIS OWN WAY TELLS HOW HE Be.
CAME TRULY REPENTANT.
He Admits He is no Match for the Eastern
Specimen of the Bivalve, Either Raw or in
Chowder-He Wants to be Revenged by
Playing Hsartless Trick Upon Some
Maternal Clam at a Critical Period.
Probably the American clam is less
fully understood than any other feature
of our boasted civilization. He is either
greatly overestimated on account of his
naturally taciturn manner and reserve,
or else he is regarded as an intellectual
dwarf because he never tries to shine in
society.
CLAIMS are of two classes-viz., the
little-neck CLAIMS and the other CLANS.
One of the peculiarities of the New
York clam is that he has no vitative-
ness, as the phrenologists call it. The
pale blush growth in the middle OF the
clam IS not vtativeness or love of life,
for he does not care to live. Neither
does he care whether any body else lives
or not
l bought dozen raw CLAIMS of a
globular man in n white apron short
time ago, having at that time very
erroneous idea about clans in the alb
stract or in the shell. Having been &C
customed to tho antique or canned
clam which we used to get by bull team
in an incredibly short time from Leav-
enworth and other posts where the
landlocked or malleable clam is found,
l knew little of the true Manhattan
clam. / only knew that he cared little for
life, but died easily. had heard that
the male clam would turn when trOd-
den upon, but Regarded him as gener-
ally undemonstrative and in favor of
arbitration.
l was misled also by the calm and
unruffled demeanor of the Eastern
clam, SO ate these twelve pachyderms
hurriedly in order to catch car, fear
ing that my seat in the City Hall Park
would be taken by some one else.
In less than half an hour, if l had
read an advertisement in the paper
offering a reward for the return of
those CLANS, l would have hunted up
the owner and said to him: "S.r, l do
not wrong any man. Here are your
CLANS"
This feeling grew on me till 1 went
to drugstore and bought a dose,
which scattered in among those tur-
bulent elements. 1t was a mixture of
things which the druggist sells during
the summer as an Asiatic cholera mix
ture and in winter as fire-kindler. l
l could not help asking myself, as 1
drank it and afterwards threw in one
OF those patent grenades for putting
out fire, why man should put an in
cendiary under his vest to steal away
his brains. / then went to the Bat
terry and lay down under a tree. Peo-
pie who saw me tearing the green
sward and kicking the bark off the tree
for a distance of seven feet above the
ground said that it was toe bad and
claimed that no man ought to allow
his dog to run loose in August to get
hydrophobia and then bite innocent
people,
People who still think that the pal
lid and aimless clam does not care for
intestine strife or turmoil ought to 90
and see the way that tree is kicked to
pieces.
1 was telling a friend afterwards
about the lawn festival and clam collie
recital that I had been giving, and he
said that l made a mistake in eating
the clans raw. Raw clans at this
season of the year, he said, were liable
to be overcome by the heat, OF they
might be old and blase when they were
caught, but if could eat them in the
form of chowder l would like them, and
they would do me good.
He knew good place to get clam
chowder and went with him. 1t was
a very ricochet place, and l was told
that Commodore Vanderbilt came there
and ate clam chowder only a short time
before his death.
So did /.
Chowder, however, is made by shoot
ing two-year-old clans out of O gun,
and then cooking them with other
things until they seem to lose their
identity. 1t does not hurt people who
are used to it, but man who has most
always lived on canned Lima beans
ought to have his post-office address
and the address of his favorite under
taker in his pocket before he gives him.
self up to the false joys of clam chow
der.
After we had eaten our chowder we
went to call on a friend, and I heard
afterwards that he said was very
much overstimated man. l can see
now how he came to form that opinion.
l cannot remember what 1 said while
at bis house, but if said any thing that
would do to write in an autograph
album must have done so mechanic
ally.
l then went home. where l did not
have to be polite. 1 have often thought
that in referring to the joys of home
writer's and sculptors do not bear down
hard enough on the fact that we can be
as mean as we like around our own
hearthstone and pay kind of Jekyll-
Hyde business for years sometimes