Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-09-11
HEAPS OF TROUBLE.
A GREAT LOAD TAKEN OFF THE OLD MANS
MIND.
What the Matter is With Hannah and All Hannah'S
RelativeS-Human Wants and Woes as
Seen by Newspaper Writer.
!yOmCT1iliS Journal.

The trouble with q good many news
papers is that they have nonpareil editor
to fill the minion columns.
The trouble with good many men is
that they spend so much time admiring
their own ability that they don't let other
people have chance to see that they have
any ability TO admire.
The trouble with great many women is
that they can't find some particular select
ed man who will appreciate them as they
feel in their palpitatiug hearts that every
woman should he appreciated.
The trouble with a good many girls is
that they don't find out what they want
until some time after they have bad the sad
conclusion forced upon them that what
they want doesn't want them.
The trouble with a good many boys is
that they think the red grapes that grow
on neighbOr'9 vine, and that have TO be
picked after dark, are good deal sweeter
aud better than the ripe black grapes
that grow on their own vines and can be
gathered in the bright sunlight OF publici-
ty.
The trouble with great many editors is
that they don't think one half as much as
they write.
The trouble witt q great many readers
is that tney don't understand how much
easier il is to point out tree in q magnif-
cent landscape that il hairs breadth out
OF the perspective than it is to paint the
magnificent landscape Itself.
The trouble with good many Vassar
graduates Is that they know more about
expeditions ways Of getting from the sec
ond story down to the lower hall than they
do about making Christian bread.
The trouble with almost all the minis
ters is that they doDIt hear other ministers
preach often enough 10 know what really
hrst-olass, bang-up sermon is.
The trouble with most of the horse-car
conductors il that they haven't eyes
enough in the back of their heads to satisfy
the public
The trouble wltn a good many Of the
school teachers is that the present school
year is divided wrong; instead OF being 10
weeks school and IL weeks vacation, they
think it should be 40 weeks vacation and
II weeks school.
The trouble with two-thirds Of the boys
and girls in the public schools is that they
don't have 81 week. yaSa,ioh every year,
wita an additional week In leap years.
he trnnhla NTH Fanat ~ tha ,.anf,la IN
this misguided world Is that they waste so
much time in thinking Of their own vir-
tues and enterprises that they don't have
leisure to SEE toy laIdable and useful your
little schemes are.
The trouble with the young man in
love is that he is insane enough 10 think
that all the other young men are max
ing inst - big fools Of themselves about
/ his best girl as he is.
The trouble with the young woman in
love Is that she doesn't krcF whether
she really loves ths young man for him
seIf alone or for the caramels be brings
and the prospect Of q solitaire diamond
to dazzle the otter girls
The trouble with the small boy Is that
his big sister never was srali hoy her
self and 90 she DOESN'T know how the
small boy feels.
The trouble with the small girl is that
she isn't bigger.
The trouble with. the big girl is that
every pair Of scales she sters Ga gives her
q weigh.
The trouble with the compositor Is that
most learned men haven't added the art
Of writing to all the accomplishments thst
have made them famous.
The trouble with mest learned men is
that thcse damned compositors never learn
ed 10 read.
The tronble with the nso0tFssder is
that both the learned men and the darned
osmpasitors expect him 70 know every
thing that both Of them never knew or
have forgotten.
The trouble with the purist in grammar