The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-01-19
HUMOR.
MUsH rooms Cheap restaurants.

MUsH rooms Cheap restaurants
CHURcH-GoING people often meet
by chants.
The more you cheque a spend
thrift the faster he goes.
~THE seasons over" said Fogg as
he capsized the pepper box.
gently the dues are DER me steal
ing" as the man sa d when he had thir-
teen bills presented to him in one day.
Carl Pre- eePs Weekly.
A POLITICIAN who claimed to be "a
battle-scarred veteran" expressed his
feelings when the printers brought h m
out badly scared veteran. Cart
PretzePs Weekly.
An Irishman who had on very
ragged coat was asked of what stuff it
was made. "Bedad, L don't kuowl'
said he; "but think the most of it IS
made of fresh air.
Mrs. DusENBERRY (sobbing i-"Oh,
it is just dreadful to be disappo nted IN
love-" Mr. Dusenberry-"Tb There's
something good deal worse than that"
"What, pray?" "To be disappointed
in marriage"
SQUILUIB-"Miss Dilby, cant you
sing us song?" Miss D.-"Er--well,
/ learned a pretty one the other day
which begins: (Sings few notes.
Squiluib (interrupting All, aud how
doesit end ?"-Detoit Free Pres.
"THERE are many temptations to
profanity besetting the unwLry. and
particularly those of hasty temper. Do
you ever swear, yong man? mo,
sir, don't" was the reply. Il am
proof-reader. It's the other fellows
that do the swearing"
AT political headquarters Bum
ble-"They say Smith is up for the
House from your deestrict? What
are his chances-has he got barrel?"
Bamble-"I don't know for sure, but 1
shouldn't wonder. Il any rate, 1 never
saw him when he didn't have bottle"
81 Do really believe that women are
possessed with a DEVIL" calculated
Smith, savagely. $50 do /, love-" re-
piled his wife, calmly. Smith looked
triumphant at the admission. THAT
is, as soon as they are married." con-
cluded his betterhalf. = Chicago
Ledger.
81 sEE," said Mrs. Breezy, shat the
Treasury Department has made rule
that dollar with a hole in it will be
worth just IS cents. Won't that be
nice?" whats nice about it?" in
CURED Mr.. Breezy. "Why," responded
Mrs b., when one wants to spend 70
cents and can't make change, it will
only be necessary to punch hole in
silver dollar" "Yes," snorted Mr.. b.,
"and s'pose if you want 20 cents and
can't make change, you'll just punch
two holes in it. "-Pitts6urgh Dis
patch.
A FRIEND called on Michael Angelo,
who was finishing a statue, and found
the great sculptor still at his work.
Looking at the figure, the visitor said:
Have you been idle since L saw you
last?" "By no MEANS" replied the
master; Il have retouched this part
and polished that; 1 have softened this
feature and brought out that muscle;
have given more expression to this
| lip, and more energy to this limb"
"Well well, said his friend, call these
are tribes" ut may be So" replied
Angelo, "but recollect that trihes make
perfection, and that perfection is no
trife."
MY FATHERS UNDERsHIRT.
My father bought an undershirt
OF bright and flaming red
! All wool. IN ready TO assert,
Fleece-dyed. the merchant said
| " Your re il thirtv-eight think
A forty you should get,
Since all-wool goods are bound to shrink
A trifle when they're wet
That shirt two weeks my father wore
Two washings, that was all
From forty down to thirty -four
| 1t shrank like loaf in fall.
i wore il then Il day or two,
But when twas washed again,
Nv wife said Now twill only do
For little brother Ben"
fortnight Ben squeezed into it
At last he said it hurt
| We put it on our babe-the fit
Was good any SHIRT.
We ne 'er will wash it more while yet
We it's flicllering light
For if again that shirt is wet,
Twill vanish from sight.
IL