Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1887-09-19
This i q burning shame. said the

This Is burning shame said III,
man who was smoking q bad cigar
It may seem paradoxfcal. but II is
fact. nevertheless. that the man who Dur
sues the even tenor Of his WAYS never get.
OF his bass.
SMITH hear Mrs B. has returned
from the country. Brownies. the
melancholy days have come the saddesr
OF the year
No one can realize how much money
there IS in the world until he reads the
assets Of insurance companies printed on
the backs OF their folders.
4 noted doctor says that onions are the
best nervine known That is what
prompts q man to 90 10 an entertainment
after hearty meal Of EN-. II takes the
| nerve
A poet sent 70 an editor a contribution
entitled. Why do I live:' The editor
answered Because you send YOUR contri-
buttons by mail instead OF bringing them
in person
\ prominent physician says dancing
tends 10 softening Of the brain. He is
probably in error, but there IS no doubt
that softening Of the brain tends strongly
TO dancing.
Johnny said the minister. rather Sc
verely, do you chew tobacco:@ Yes.
sir was the prompt reply: but I'm
clean out OF it now. Jimmy Browns got
some, though"
This beefsteak,7 said a boarder at
secOnd-class hotel in the mountains must
be three weeks old. 4 couldn't say"
replied the waitress: I've only been
here two weeks
Does Mr. Sterling live here:~ asked a
mechanic OF a woman he met al the door.
I have come down TO clean out his fur
mace You're just little too late. the
sheriff has been here
And the country would blossom as a
rose" said the agricultural orator. IT'D
better blossom as q cabbage" said the
old farmer, Il never could see any profit
in them air roses
Hanging Is too good for YOU said a
judge TO a condemned man. 4 know II
i, replied the prisoner, frankly: and if
yon can suggest anything else, judge. you
can't do II too quick
Minister: MY dear brethren. in this
warm oppressive weather, can excuse a
little drowsiness during ny sermon, but 1 |
do wish you would try to keep awake
while the collection Is being taken up"
Wife Cwho believes in consistency
If the old Blue Laws forbid kissing
ones wife and the selling of intoxicating
liquors on Sunday. why isn't the former I
a. wei as the Iatter:7 Husband /
- Because 1t isn't necessary
Tramp TO woman Gould you give
me something in the way OF old clothes.
ma'amE I'm gettin' shabby Woman
You're gettin' more than shabby. but /
amt got thing You can change coats
with the scarecroW back in the cornheId
# you want TO- That'n slick you up
some, an it's the best kin do.
a man in Cuba, No, Is said TO have a
hens egg which has on it on one side the
face Of a clock and some Of the Roman
While the hen was about II
she should have added an attachment that
would mark the day and month Of the
rear on which the egg was laid, but we
fon't suppose she thought of that.
A telegram from Little Rock reports
hat intense excitement prevails in the
southwestern part Of Lonoke County
over a Tumored negro uprising This
viii no doubt be followed in few DAYS
y dispatch stating that the negro up-
Using has uprose and that ffteen ne
grous have been killed and one white man
slightly injured.