The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1887-05-06
STEP-MOTHERS.

containing fat baby. The child was gen
tic and kind to the baby, but all her looks
and motions had shade of depression.
She was ore Of The children who seem to
be asking help in kind Of mute appeal,
and longed to answer the cry. One day
| saw her admiring the doll of little
friend of mine, and | said: "AIay, how
wonld Annie like it if | bought her doll
like yours?'' ooh. it wouldn't be any
use said May, 'for she has a step-moth-
er. She couldn't keep the doll. The baby
would have it. lie has all her things
Now, since | am step-mother myself,
it cuts me to the heart to have the word
''step-mother' given as a sufficient reason
for all such evils. | began to think. How
is it that We have this evil reputation?
How far do we deserve it? What are our
sins and how can we purge ourselves from
them? Is our class wholly deprayed, or
do even we count shining lights among us?
First, let us understand our difficulties.
We are introduced among children whose
ways and nature we do not understand.
Very probably some kind friend has al
ready told them what an ogress We are.
Unused, perhaps, to the care of a house
and children, we are filled with undue anx
ety, get easily worried, and this seems to
outsiders like crossness---or, indeed may
turn into it, 1t is very unusual for child
to make allowance for the faults of a
grown person, and soon we have utterly
alienated the childs affection, when we
were striving to do our best.
Then, when on" own babies come to us,
here is new difficulty. Just how much
and Just how little care of them by our
step-children will strengthen the bond be-
tween them, and make united and har
monious family? Or should We require
none, for fear of their considering the new
baby burden, whose existence takes
away their rights There is no general
answer to these questions. Each case has
one appropriate only to itself We should
have for our aim united and harmonious
family, and each solve these questions in
the light of that result. The way may be
will pay us for any amount of patient
work.
When we become step-mothers one of
the fundamental facts which we need to
accept is, that our step-children will be
more difficult for us to understand than
our own children, for the reason that none
of their nature is Inherited from us. And
| knowing this, we ought to be very cau-
tious how we condemn their faults, or in
too many ways curtail the freedom they
may have had before we came among
them. Perhaps their ways in dress or
manners of speech do not please lis. Our
very different from their own mothers.
| Let us think how hard it is for them to
! hear new mother hold mp to seorn, or
| condemn, what their own mother may
have taught them to do or believe. By
such conduct we lose all chance of love,
or even respect, from orr step-children.
| know of one step-Inother who by con-
tinual harping upon the amount of trim
ming on her step-daughter's clothes, and
such trivial matters, broke up forever a
loving family. You may say that was a
petty difficulty, bat we should all agree
that the result was great, and perhaps the
difficulty had best be measured by that.
Instead OF hunting up our step-children'
| faults, let lis seek for their virtues, and
we shall surely find them. They are not
! more likely to be without virtues than any
our own children. When we meet them
| in this way, we call forth their love, and
from this love will spring respect and ODE
dience like that which we have from our
own children. 4 step-mother once said
to me: ''When pass the picture of the
cllildren's own MOTHER | often say to my
SELF Il want to feel that | can always
look you in the face. y 1t is 4 good
thought to keep before us.
Now, in regard to the name by which
our step-chidren shall call u.s. Some per-
sons, Immediately and imperatively exact
the name Of ''mother." ! consider that 4
mistake. II it comes naturally accept it
thankfully. If it does not, wait for it and
earn it. You step into place that is sa-
cred to the children's own mother. You
must fill that place, or rather an equally
tender ore in their hearts, before the title
really belongs to you. | know little girl
who always called her step-mother Miss
B. till her little brother was born. She
was delighted with the baby, and said,
''Who is my little brothers mother??''
"Why, Miss b is. ''Then she is my
MOTHER and from that day she gave her
not only the name, but as loyal an aiiee-
ton as any own child could ever give.
Never set aside or treat lightly ehild's
recollections OF her own mother; rather
cherish and brighten her memory. De
glad W hen her friends come to see her ba-
bies, and do net consider it injustice TO
yourself that they try to keep the child's
memory Of her fresh. you help instead
of hindering in this work, it will bring
fresh love to you as well as to their own
mother. | do not mean that you are to
harp constantly on this theme-the life of
the present, and not of the past, is the
child's life--but | do mean, sympathize
with it, and let your presence be no him
IL al "a. II