The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1887-03-11

Don't be fool, =" she said with a
snap to her husband. why didn't yea
tell me that when / asked you to marry
me, >" be replied. and silence fell upo3
tAat house.
-"Chestnuts ~ yelled several per
sons in the gallery sk the minstrel show
That's right, gentlemen" responded
Bones "if you don't get what you
want ask for it,
WHAT'S the difference between q
piano and a gun, Charley ?'' asked
young wife of her on-musical husband.
"A gun kills the quickest, that's all"
was the staccato response.
Henry Watterson says :: 1T Is safe
to say that at this time Mr.. Cleveland
could not be elected" No, not at
this time." Nor anybody elseiunless
the Constitution should be cracked.
There was young lady named Hughes
Who never was known to refughes
To 10 out of a night,
On a young mans invieht,
To take one of a couple Of stughss.
Leaving the club at 3 A. M. /: Jack
=" Rather late, Frank what shall you
say to your wife ?" Frank-"Oh,
that's easy enough I'll just say. good
morning, my dear she'H say all the
/ rest"
Jones (under the impression that
! he is making himself agreeable
| don't care a bit for a pretty woman,
myself they have no conversation 1
/ like a PLAIN woman who has plenty to
say for bsTselfl ~
! The hustle is never truthful"
says an exchange, 'it is an exaggeration
of fact" The truthfulness- Of the bus
tie depends, in a geeat measure, upon
the character OF the newspapers Of
which it is composed.
PA, - said little Johnny McSwilli-
gan, "here1s piece in the paper about
Parasites What are they P'' "Par-
isites, my boy, are peopie-wEo live IN
Paris. 1 sbink you ought to know
that, and you in the Thru Reader ~
Mamma. do you suppose Maudie
Green will 60 to our heaven P'' "Why
there is but one heaven, Sadie "WelI,"
with ong-drswn sigh. ID suppose she
will come along to me and say 'blab-
blab-bla.' That's the way she always
did here''
Mrs. Fonrstars' little girl was there.
1 must tell you one o. her odd little say
iDgs. Her father has a small round bald
! L IL
him at bedtime she remarked "Stoop
down, popsy, dear, 1 want to kiss the
place where the lining shows"
Don't you think, p" said Mrs. Keep
er, ''thst when Adam realized the vast
ness of the world into which he had
been ushered he must have had a great
/ deal on his mind ?'' "Well, - responded
| Mrs. Blunt, "from the photograph 1
have seen of him, should say that
whatever he did have on must have been
/ on his mind"
First Boston girl-"Let's 90 and
have some lunch, Estslle." Second
Boston girl-"I'd like to, dear, but
have we time ? First Boston girl-'We
have twenty minutes. Bow long would
it take you to get what you want ?''
Second Boston girl-"Ok> about fifteen
minutes. First Boston girl-''Well,
it would take me fifteen minutes, too /;
twice fifteen is thirty. We haven't
time, deal, after ALL
-Mist1ess-"Here is a silver spoon
under your pillow what does this mean,
Bridget p' Bridget-"Shure, mum, the !
night before last 1 dreamt for the Sc /
cond tonne that l was sick and to take |
tayspoonful Of medicine, and didn't |
have any spoon, and to save meself get
tim up in the noight and sisturbin'
Everybody IN the house put the spoon
under me pellow, mum, for me convsin- J
lance, num-"
A Kingston City lady said day or
two, ago that she would be $50 glad'%
when Lent came. Perhaps she is like
a good old Episcepslian minister, under
whose teachings the writer sat for sew
eral years. 81 ike Lent more than any
other season Of the year." said the cid
gentleman, joeosely ; Il like it priBci-
Pdily OOCduoo nay "ltc HONcI ehIo PIC dJ
that time, and 30 she never has the
dyspepsia
"A bright little boy, who is attending
school, rather iurocentlY exposed the
paternsl deficiency the other day. The
teacher was showing him how to write
his name, having set copy for him to
follow. Must write 1t all alone S''
he inquired. "Of course" was the
teachers answer. "?a don't write that
way" the youngster demonstrated.
"How does he write 2" asked the teach
er. "Oh, ma takes the pen and writes
some, and then pa makes big letter x. -
One Of our college youths was heard
lately complaining in the presence of
the family about how difficult he found
it to behave when in society with as
much ease and gracef1lness as he could
wish. Why" he said at last, with a
look of the utmost standardization on
his face, eff you'll believe me, 1 get so
at times that don't know what TO do
with my hands," Then the youngest
r,arohor ~ fba fonoiIv ubo narod IIEfIa