The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1887-02-15
TERSE AND TO THE POINT.
Some Suggestive Sentences for
Penny-a- Liners

times amusingly Illustrated. A most
worthy man, unaccus:omed to public
speaking, being suddenly called upon to
laddress Sunday schoo rose to his
feet, and after vainly struggling for ut
/ terauce, at last hoarsely muttered
Dear children, don't ever play with
powder" The following gallant toast
was lately given at dinner in Carolina:
The ladies our arms their protec ion
their arms our reward"
Don't eat stale Q-cumbers. They
will W up" is the terse advice of some
wit. Announcements on shop signs ex,
pressed in the succinct style of one con.
nected with certain restaurant in New
YORK, should serve as startling adyer-
easements: Lunch, rs cents; square
meal, ST.; perfect gorge, 1925" In the
same city, d shopkeeper is said to have
stuck upon his door this laconlc adyer-
lsement: "a boy wanted" Ga going
10 his shop next mornlns be beheld a
smiling little urchin in a bSsket. with
the following pithy label: Here he
!" a penny-a liner would hardly find
| much employment on the Kansas paper
which informed the public that MIR.
Blank, OF Missouri, got to owning horses
that didn't belong to him. and the next
thing he knew ne couldn't get his feet
Gown TO The ground" Lynched, pro-
o. bly,. A western writer, speaking of a
new play just written by gentleman of
Cincinnati, says: The unItles are oh.
served admirably; the dullness which
commences with the first act never
flags for moment IN il the curtain
tals."
|. The characteristics of several nations
have been summed up in the following
concise form: The first thing a Spanio
ard does on founding a colony is TO build
a gAlloWs; a Portuguese, to build
church; an Englishman, a drinking
booth; and Frenchman, a dancing
floor.
a cobbler visited one of the large
manufactures the other day, and for
the first time in his life saw shoes made |
by machinery. What do you think of
that?" asked the foreman. at beats |
awl, " was the laconic and significant re-
ply. A sensible" woman, as DR.. Aber-
nethy would have called her, was dis
covered by shy man, who made her |
rather original proposal. He bought |
wedding ring and sent it to the lady, in
closing a sheet of note paper with the |
brief question, docs 1t ftp" By return
of post he received for answer: Beau
tlfully."
1t is relate that Makart, the great
Viennese painter, is even more taciturn
than Won Moltka, the man who is silent
in seven languages. An American, who
had been told that the best way to get on
friendly terms with the artist would be
to pay chess with him at the cafe to
which he resorted nightly, watched his
opportunity, and when Makart's oppo-
nent rose, slipped into his chair. Al last
his dream was about to be realized, he
was to spend an evening in Makart's
society. The painter signed to him to
play, and the game began, and went on
with no other sound than the moving
of the pieces. At last the American
made the winning move, and exclaimed,
Mate" Up rose Makart in disgust
and stalked out, saying angrily to a
friend who asked why he left so early:
"Oh, can't stand playing with chat
terbo1!
The expression used by some boys and
girls if written as pronounced would
look like a foreign language. Speci-
mems of boys conversation like the fol-
lowing may be called shorthand talk
ing: "Warjego lasnight?" "Hadder
skate" "Jertind the ice hard 'ngood?"
Yes; hard though" "Jer goerlone?"
mo; BiIl'n Joe wenterlong." How
late ierstay2" "Pastate." "Lemme-
know wenyergoin, voucher? 1 wanter
go'n shower howto skate" HIN,
ficoodn' skate better'n you I'd sell out
'nquit." "Well, We'll tryerace insect
yercan.'
The well known answer of the Greeks
to the Persian king before the battle of
was rivaled by the dis
patched of General SuYarof to the Rus
sian Empress: "Hurrah! Ismail's
1ursl" The Empress returned an ans
xer equally brief: "Hurrah! Field
The message from Lord Charles Beres- :
.ord to his wife from the fort near Me-
.emneh was pithy enough: Quite well
and cheerful Privations have been Sc
we're; thirst, hunger, battles operate;
but things look better"
There are some quaint and pithy epis-
les on record. Gum, when offended by
Rich, went away in resentment and
wrote: Il am at Bath" The answer
vas as laconic, though not quite so civil; {
Stay. there"
Si6bald, the editor of the Chronicles Of !
Scottish Poetry, resided in London for
hree or four years, during which time !
lis friends in Scotland were ignorant not
)Ily of his movements, but even of his !
In the long run, his brother,
Ieith merchant, contrived to get let !
er conveyed to him, the object of which
vas to inquire into his circumstances 7
md to asked where he lived. His reply !
IAN "a follow DEAR BROTHER-Ih i've I
n Soho, and my business is $3.50.
Yours, JAMES SIBBALD.
Concise and TO the point was the cur :
Gus letter sent by farmer to school,
master as an excuse for his son 5 absence
rom school: "Cepatomt goatatrin.
This meant. KEEP at 'Ome to 60 a-taterin'
gathering potatoes) A Canadian
freshman once wrote home to his father:
DEAR PAPA,-I want little change " !
The fond parent replied Up the next
post: "DKAR CHARLIE,-Just wait for q
I. Time brings change to everyone"
Briefer than these was an epistle of 7
Emile de Girardin to his second wife, t
yah whom he lived on most uniriendiy I
arms The hOuSe was large enough tn | I