New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1887-04-20
Chauncey DepeW's Humor.

a Mtlange Of Wit, Wisdom and Rhetoric-Racy
Anecdotes Of Travel Queer Experiences and
Queer Observations.
The Autocrat Of the Dinner Table,
the Hon. Chauncey M. Depew, OF N.
4 Y, delivered a lecture recently at
Cana oharie, taking his recent trip
through Great Britain as his theme.
It is full OF the pith and Attic salt
whose pungency has seasoned his ia
nous after dinner remarks, and con-
! tains bits of description which show
that poetry, rhetorical spangles and
the management OF a system of rail-
y roads are not incompatible. A few
excerpts from the lecture are given be-
low His preamble is worthy the
man:
'.'The good ship Gallia was in mid
ocean when "a patriotic American of
; German birth suddenly announced
| with wild enthusiasm, This is our
country's birthdayp The little
community which had been strange
[ and distant became at once ac-
| quainted, and in the common purpose
! to properly celebrate the day, each
discovered in all the rest powers OF
{ companionship and good fellowship
not dreamed of before. Fourth of
July in mid-ocean on an English ship
A~and with representatives OF many na-
Z tionalities on board does not possess
the attendants, the accessories and
! the unrestrained enthusiasm which
! marked the early rural celebration
! with which I WAS familiar; and the
| orator has to subdue his eloquence
! somewhat to the conditions which
} surround him, but on this occasion
our country's bird never screamed
/ louder or with clearer notes. I had
charge of the Bird
4 Those who listened to the American
! eagle when Mr.. Depew had him gently
but firmly by the hind legs, will APP
! preciate the truth OF this assertion.
] He continues:
| 5"I was struck during another enter
S tainment which we had with the I'M
4 2forseen difficulties which sometimes
| surround a speaker at sea. An emf
nent lecturer was giving an elab-
I crate description of the English cathe-
I drals and their architecture. The ship
was rolling tearfully, and while he
could generally manage to keep one
/ leg on the floor, the other was making
4 miscellaneous excursions from chair
1 to table, and the lecturer would find
I himself suddenly plunged from the
spire to the crypt, or unexpectedly
thrown from the crypt to the spire of
his cathedral, and the alterations
/ were made with such speed that the
! audience forgot the lecture in specu-
lating on what might be the fate of
u the lecturer"
& Here he disposes of the incidents of
landing at Queenstown:
1.-The question Of the customs Off
/, Ger at the wharf warn us OF the two
a elements which Great Britain most
L fears, the one affecting her pocket,
4 the other her safety. ANY wines or
I liquors?' NO. ANY dynamite?'
NO. Then you can pass -
Here is characteristic bit-the re-
4 sult.of an observation taken on a
drive to Blarney Castle:
1 ':Children swarm everywhere, for
the marriage bond in Ireland is a.
| coupon bond and they cut one off
f>every year. I said to a distinguished
s English Sanitarian: See how these
people live and what pictures ofhealth
they are, while in New York
are ventilated upon new principle
q every month, and in fighting sewer
r gas squander our incomes and become
q the abject slaves of the plumber. How
y do you account for it?' Well said
4 the nonplused scientist, it establishes
] the fact that there are only two con-
] ,ditions for perfect health-either all
dirt or no dirt And yet the intelli-
gence and morality among them are
I superior TO those of any other peas
!, .antry in Europe, and out OF these cab
4 ms will trip barefooted girls so rosy
I checked and neat, and sweet of voice,
! to sell you the little articles they knit,
] with a bit of bright color in their
a shaw!s contrasting with their dark
hair, that they seem to have dropped
i from the clouds"
4 He kissed the Blarney stone quite
! unnecessarily, though he says:
! ~ knew it's virtues both in politics,
in law and in love, and longed to glue
my lips to its surface"
3 He is patriotic, even at Killarney:
Il whoever expects to find the Lakes
II OF Killarney gems unequalled in scenic
\ merit, will realize, if an American,
= that centuries OF undisputed praise,
the adjective cumulating as each cycle
rolls round, like the STORED adula-
tlons OF the old masters, produce a
picture in the imagination never real
lied by the eye. Lake George, in our
/ own state would smile with serene SUI
periority upon any sheet OF water in
u Europe, whose beauties have been
Il celebrated in prose and n0etru h1r the
& enius ofevery age. Nevertheless, the
II nquestioned charms OF Killarney, the
uned abbeys and castles upon it's
ected with It, make It or, one g Of The the
4 nost impressive places in the world.
never shall forget the jaunting-car
.{s u. a ] 4