davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15
she Didn't Appreciate Him

The funny man wrote him humorous joke
and he thought the Wit vas immense, and he
chuckled, "A big phenomenal stroke. All.
this IL genius intsnse!' For the wit was 50
rollicking, weird and wild and of such ori-
ginal power, he lay down and rolled in the
grass like child. and laughed for nearly al
hour. Then he took the joke in to read to his
wife, and said: Now. wife, listen and hear
the funniest joke you have heard in your life,
prithes wheel toward me thine ear" He
began to read with lusty strength, and her
face, which was round as squash, it stretched
away out to a cucumber length as she said.
what bosh, what b,sh!" And when be came
to the point Of the joke he burst into loud
Guffaw. but she said, in words like . thunde:
stroke, What miserable trash. Oh, pshaw!"
Then her face grew long as . baseball bat
and ss black as the oven door, and her fore
head stretched up through her towering hat,
and her chin trailed on the floor. But the
Joke went forth in the worlds wide throng
and was copied DER and DER, but thereafter
her face remained 50 long that she couldn't
20 through the door-Yankee Blade.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15
Australian "Helpa-"
(Alicged ads in Victoria paper. a.,

tAlcged ais IN VICTORIA DAper.p
wantei--An amiable and high toned
family consisting Of delicate and shrinking
elderly widow who Is . small eater any way
and has her meals sent in from a restaurant,
can secure = comfortable home with . supe-
rior cook. no notice taken Of families who
give dinners or who fail to take nicked china
i'll truly Christian spirit Address Earnest
Worker fo.war,iing credentials autSentica-
ted ty a clergyman.
Tanted-An industrious and hard WORKING
family who do their own cooking washing,
ironing, ashes sitting, dressmaking, h,endine,
dusting, sweeping, nursing, whitewa ashing.
housecleaning, carpet beating, fancy work,
chamberwork, preserving. knitting, painting
in oils. scrubbing, wxx fruit and care Of the
-ow, ard who have an agile hired man to make
fires. fll lamps, snuh candles, exerci.s the
puys, clean the silver, run for the doctor,
wind the clocks, tend door and shoe noctur.
nal cats of the back fence, can hear Of Q good
opening with q lady whose speciality Is gen
eral homework. Address "Overtasked."
Wanted-A winning and modest appearing
male baby, months old. Of unexceptionabls
moral character, would hike 70 avail himself
Of the advantages Of a nurse Baby's name
is mostly ~Tootsey- VI ootscy- Mammals Pet, "
but it can be changed to ~Bub,r IL that seems
to come handler Can refer to seventeen
nurses now In the lunatic asylum with whon,
h. has lived during the past four weeks. Ad.
dress Little Angel
Wantel-A graceful and accomplished
fuirily that moves in the best circles and has
no poor relations that come to the house will
ts Permitted TO allay itself with q se,ect
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15
lt Cured Her.

IL Cured Her.
Good night said the youth. aud . movement
he made
As II he would kiss the dear girl:
But her head she drew back,
And il hit the bat rack
With . loud sounding thwack
That made her head painfully whirl
NY own he exclaimed, as be threw his strong
arms
Round the form Of the frightened young miss,
For your own darling sake
Don't repeat that mistake,
But . solemn vow make
That you'n never again dodge kiss"
land there Is every reason to think that she
made the required vow, for NO further acci-
dents Of this kind have bsen rsportsd.-Chi-
cago Tribuns.l
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15
Why she Tarried.

season MrA d. was among the last guests to
leave. taking her departure only when, with
the lst Of September, the closing Of the hotels
became iaaminent.
"Why is this thuslyr asked friend. Il
thought you were going to Bar Harbor for
Augusts"
Yes" said Mrs. D., I'VE did talk about it,
but In the first place We wers perfectly COM
Portable where we were, AMI in the second
noticed that everybody who left was duly
picked to pieces by those who remained, 50.
like the dove in the fable. staid to protect
my reputation. ."-Philadslph News
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15


A city missionary relates this interesting
and not wholly uninstructive tale in con
necticn with his lat,rs among the destitute.
The incident occurred las. winter, but the
moral h Of q continued application that keeps
IL frssh-
lie found in the course Of his examination
a . certain district a woman who was not
sAly wretchedly destitute but seriously i'll be-
ideA She seemed q very decent and not
undeserving person. an impression which ac-
corded with the reputation given her BY her
neiKhbors. and the missionary interested him.
sDlf In her behalf, calling to his aid a couple
q ladi0 who were members Of the Associated
Charitisa Everything needful for the com
tort q ths oman was done Her room was
kepe IN order, she was provided with nursa,
~ young ladies brought her delicacies, and
Vhsn at last the patient was thoroughly con
gaisssent, they presented her with &5 a.
hsip toward starting once mors on the way Of
earning her own living.
A day or two later the missionary called.
and was pleasantly received by the poor wo-
naa. who svinced due gratitude for all the
kindnsn ahs had received. Then with over
1owtng satisfactiou and An absolutely child
Nks delight. the pauper produced from q
ea00s new and remarkably gay bonnet
There" she said, beaming with satisfac-
aso, ''don't you think that is prettyf All nv
NE I've wanted . bonnet with feather in
4, and when cot that IS all at once said
- myself tina: now was my chance to have
Goa The msn asked & for il, but told him
- was all I had and he'd have to let me
have it for that; and true as you're alive he
DID,
The missionary looked at the bonnet, re-
Garded the woman, opened his hts, and
wtssly recognizing the futility Of remon-
strance. closed them again. The story is lit
srally true. and very likely sDuld be matched
By any city visitor Of long experisnca-
Providence Journal
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15
On the Right Rosd.

Stranger-Will you kindly direct me to the
hall where the Anarchists meetl
Anarchist-Yes, mine vrient, you will b
welcome.
Thank you l am ANXIOUS 70 get thers -
Quick a. possible
You, too, boil init wrath ven you dink Of
dess dingx You make bombs, chr
-Oh, no.
-vot you want mid dot hall, chr
Il am srperintenGsnt Of . lunatic asylum,
and am hrnting for An escaped patient" I"
Omaha World
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15

"l'm in on the BOOM he said. He had
been lowering around her for several mOnths-
tn in on the boom: I've got lot
80 have l." she said. 1--we got . lot, too I"
But haven't any sand"
No, don't think you have" she said.
There was pause 1t struck him the tone
sas meaningful, 50 he sidled up . little
Hossr. and, taking her hand in . kind Of
bashful way, whispered:
-sposen-s'posen-we put Our lots to
gether."
And "lovs's first snowdrop" simply covered
both lots Francisco Chronicle
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15

ne proposed TO the lady who became his wife
by declaring Re would like to marry her "if
she could make It handy, !" but this very likely
is q fabrication Of invidious gossips.
Calling recently at house. Of which the
late master was lying unburied in the parlor.
the visitor Was asked IL he would like 10 ssn
the remains OF his old friend.
Well, yes.- he answered, that is, I'd hhs
to see them il you've got 'em round handy.
II YOU haven't. it's 40 matter Boston
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15

First Highwayman-Hello, Jim; what an
you looking so blue aboutt
Second Highwayman-Run against . streak
Of bad luck
First Hishwayman-How was that
Second HiSh~ayman-Hsld up plumber
last night: thought he'd have lots Of rocks,
you know.
First Highwayman tsurprised) - Well,
hadn't hes
Second Highwayman-Hadnt . red cent
He told me he had just been paying his sum
iners ice bill-Pittsburg Chronicle
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15
The Kind Hearted Car.

The Czar-Your president contemplate .
trip through your country, 1 heart
American-Yes. he will visit quite . num-
Der OF the great western cities.
$50 l noticed. One Of them, -. b
Chicagor
Yes"
Il have long desired to testify my appre-
citation Of Your president, and if it IL not too
late think will forward him one Of my
boiler iron shirts Omaha World
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15

Omaha Girl-Ma, Mr. Nicsfellow las in
vitsd me to 60 to the theatre to-morrow
Syht.
Omaha Dame-Humph! What play - iti
"Its . new play called The Duke"
AN English dukef"
II suppose So"
@Ar. Nicefellow ought to Be ashamed Of
,imself. You shant 90 . step"-Omaha
World.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15

Sister Cara (practicing at the piano.
Wasn't that young Mr.. Fsathsrly, Bobby,
who spoke TO you on the street just now.
Bobby-Yep, hes goin' home to dinner
Sister Clara stimulating indifference)-Did
he have anything particular to say!
Bobby-He asked me il that was the piano
tuner in the parlor.-New York Sun.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15

Witness" said = lawyer in the pols'
court the other day, you speak OF Mr.. Smii
being well of. Is 10 worth SS.OuoT
mo, ssh."
Two thousandF
mo, sab; he haint WORT twenty five"
Then how is he well ONT"
''Got . wifo who sports Dc hull fanny
sahr'-Detrot Free Press.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15
A Rude Little Boy.

Mrs. Hendricks tat breakfast)-I was try
ing to tell you, my dear. Mrs. Hobsoa called.
and
Mr. Hendricks-This coffee Is cold
Mrs Hendricks-Mn Hobson called and
said
Mr. Hendricks-You must tell that butcher
not to send any moro such steak.
Mrs. Hendricks-l will As l said, Mrx
Hotson called
Bobby-Needn't go to school today, mat
Mr.. Hendricks t.ternly) - Robert, you
mustn't interrupt your mother when she is
talking New York Sun
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15

Popcorn Is sold by weight ard commands
u ready sale. As poultry food it i, better
than any other kind Of corn, As it is not 90
rich III fat and contains a larger proportion
Of albuininoiis. Although the ear, are small,
yet a crop OF popcorn produces nearly as
much As the larger varieties, as 1t contains .
larger number Of ears TO the stalk. whils
more stalks can also Be grown on hill
Chicago Tnues
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15

D. Browne--Thanks, very much, for the
song, Miss Smyths. You have . divine
voice. Do you know why the song you have
just sung is called the .S~any Riverf"
n fancy" she replied. lightly touching the
KEYS lit is on account of tue swans there
think swans are so beautiful, Mr. De
Browne Texas SiftingS.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15

Omaha Man-wir you reopen your SUM
mer hotel next seasoni
Summer Landlord-I shall be here, but not
as the iesses. have obtained Job - hsad
waiter.
"Ehi You don't say 20! Who will be the
lessee thenf'
The head waiter I had this season. -
Omaha World.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15
Philosophy from the Box.

Count ErjumIer-Ssy, old man, want
cab To- night Get to take rich girl to the
theatre, and want to do the right thing By
her. Hsw does . dollar strike youf
Cabman ion whom dies never Light
What's tho matter with showing up v. and
doing the right thing by both Of usi-Nsw
York Star
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15

That IL, II He Was Just Learning.
"What was Nero's greatest act Of crusltyl'
,skei the teacher Of the class in history.
"Playin' the fiddle was the promps ~
sponse; and the teacher lot it 20 u that
Washington Critic.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15
More Than 1t Was Worth.

More Than 1t Was Worth.
| Robinson-What was the amount Of youf
doctors bill. Dumleyl
Dumley-I paid him $500.
| Robinson-Two hundred doIlars! That's
| TOO much.
Dumley-He saved INV life, you know.
Robinson-Yes. know he saved your life
| But 500, Dumley! That's too lnuch-Nsw
York Sum
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15
Too Many Health Nos,ops.

We have too many new tangled health
notions. The men who are Law unto them.
selves in their habits generally I've to attend
the funeral Of the cranks who attempted to
advance them. Nature guides zine men out
Of ten in the right direction II the tenth
misses 1t be may dsssrvs 70 nis ik-Atlants
Constitution
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15
A Kinder Horse Never Lived.

Passenger on front platform-That nigh
one looks like pretty good horss.
Dliver-A kinder animal never lived.
PassenSer-Kind. How sol
Driver-He kinder bites and kinder kicks
and kinder wants to run once in . while
New York Star
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15
She Liked the boys Rest.

Mother (nursery dialogue)-Nellie. have
told you . great many times not to romp
with Tommy, and you must obey me.
Nellis-Could play with him If hs was .
girls
Mother-Perhaps
Nellis-But wouldn't want to-Burlinx-
ton Free Press
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15

Colcred Doctor-I guess It yaint 20 -
ri us, aunty; ~id a little care reckon dc old
aan II pull through all right Aunty-
Tank heaben, doctor! l was awful skeered,
Ease dar warnt . cent in the house TO 70
buy emmy mournin' wif-Springfsld Honss-
stead
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15

Young man, he asked, what is your am
oition in liser
"To get rich, sir" replied the young man.
lighting fresh cigar.
Not very high aim. But while you are
tr, Ing to get rich aren't you spending a good
deal Of money!
-Oh. don't mind the expense, sir. I'm
willing to get rich regardless Of cost. Now
York Sun
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15

Grocer 20 new boy)-W hat did that lady
want. JAn,es4
New Boy-Salt mackerel. told her We
hadn't any.
Grocer-Great Scott, James! l told you
We had dozen kits come in fresh this morn
ing!
New Boy-Yes, sir. but she didn't want
'sm fresh; she wanted EN- salt-Nsw York
Sun
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15
A Dead Sure Thing.

Employer-See here, Dennis, 1t was only
last week that you got of to attend yoIr
cousins funeral I
Dennis Gnterrupting'-Faix, 80 did, sur,
but the old fuls come to loifs aSin Lit mo
of this onct, and I'll bury him dead o.
aloive-Texas SiftinSs
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15

The Japanese have . legend that fish
are the embodiment Of the souls of naval
officers, and the African negroes believe
that maRicians assume the shape Of 6ah
and come to their rets 70 work evil
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15

Bffhks-Ah! How de do, Jenkss Becom-
lne famous, I see.
Jenks-Wsll, my name has been in tho
Dapsn . good deal lately.
so have noticed. How do YOU like itf-
1T makes no change in my daily life ex-
espt that my mail is overburdened with liver
pad circulars Omaha World.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15

may Expect Anything Now.
We shall probably hear OF lGnatius Dss-
nelly trying to prove that waveriy did nos
write the novels to which his name = -
Tackled Texas SiitilgA
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15
Marriage.

AasTsoA ps1D00s Or ysaAg men
eonssoplasf1S DarTiaGss aware
q Physical Wsakssss Or any
ssAsr AisSaaliAeasisas spssaify
r,lasveA. lie WhS places hiAsell
uDAsr De oaPs q DD. ALBEIT
nay oo0AAs In his hS0or - .
esas1soaA. and sonAAsosly rely
0psn Ais am - . Physleian.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15
A Trick Of Speech.

A Trick Of Speech.
Tricks of Speech grown into mannerisms
sften betray people into blunders atsu,
enough. One instance Of this comes from
town in Maine, where dwelt u man who quail
iasd his reply TO every question with the
werd handy" twisted into some sort Of
SonAj JaMal cla..A. II ~ss avan a.s-r,ad that
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15
He Had Been There.

Robber-Hour money or your life,
Victim-.Well. look here, you may shoot il
you like. but I'm cleaned out: have just
brought my family from the seaside and
Robber-All right. young man: l know
what that means. Pass right on!-Life.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15

CounselHHad the accused any distinguish
ing features by which you recognized hims
Witness-Yes. sir; hs was bow legged in
both sye.-Burlington Free Press
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-10-15
DR.. Albert

h.s assaansA De 0Sss WsoAerfa1
.,e>>s, N shs treatment 81 The
sas>s - which hs Sevsses AAs
svssaal asssaslo0, aDA shrs0gh
ysass q paslsas labsr asA r.
ssaroA hs has Discovered TIE
mess infAll1bls AeshsA q feortns
general Wsakaesss fnvelansary
lisshargss. iDPossaey, nsrvses-
ness, ssnfusasa q iAsass pelPes'
ssasn q she hearss taoiAisy'
Aissasss q shs threat, nose en1
skin. a1sss1ons Of the liver
stomach anA boWels-shess ter
yibls AisorAsSs that mako life
nlssrabls exlss0Aee and render
ang marriage aDposslb1s.
St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1887-11-26

which to get through the winter. Every
Thanksgiving time is more Wretched imam
the last says father, and this is to be
the worst of all Oh, if you only
do get the place when the lord comes"
For answer the maiden received
kiss and an embrace. Nothing
more and yet that seemed a complete
response, judging by her face, wherein
radiant joy hattlcd against the saddened
look that had installed itself there.
Thus these lovers met that time, many
times before and twice aftcrward. Only
twice aftcrWard in that way. The sec
ond time occurred on the night before
Thanksgiving. There was snow on The
prairic-a thin, crisp covering that had
lain there several days and was to re-
main for months, for the bitter cold OF
the Northwest winter had set ina cold
such as we in the older parts Of this
country know nothing of except by hear
say. Frame houses do not keep it out
unless they are well sealed and fitted
with double doors and windows.
Wooden clothing is like 50 much open
netting against the searching air,
which nothing but fur will Withstand
Miss Sarah Miller had no furs,
rich blood freely circulating, comfort
able figure with all that that implies IN
winter, and mOccasins and double stock
ings, and not onlv a "comtOrter' wound
around and around her, bnt blanket coat
over that-a tobOggan coat, as we would
say-and heavy tuque that covered her
forehead and her ears. The IOng-eN-
pected lord had come and installed him
self in his new house. He had issued
invitations for every one for miles around
to come and make his acquaintance on
the next night-the night which in the
States was to he observed as Thanks
giving, though in Canada few knew of
such holiday even by hearsay. Every
one was going to accept the invitation,
for a lord is parsonage OF importance
in Canada, though scarcely as much
toadied to there as in New y ork, perhaps.
1t was about all this that the lovers
talked but young Crumber had no good
news to tell. Lord Burleigh had not APP
pointed his manager yet. Worse yet, he
had not sent for or seen the youth who
counted SO strongly upon getting the
place. Darkness came early and Sarah
Miller hurried from her lover S side ahead
of it to her home behind the willows "a
lonely home, indeed, but happily sod
house, and, therefore, warmer than any
house of any other kind, even than the
young lord switch was frame dwelling
of very modest pretensiOns and very
costly and difficult to heat.
Miss Sarah fled onward with her head
held down to shield her face from the
wind, shot through the brush, lodged
St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1887-11-26

And now two years had passed and
young Mr.. Crumber was still pioneering
and still heartily dislked by his neigh
bors, though in the little metropolis of
Pipestone, where he bought the same
frugal fare as his neighbors, but paid for
it cash down. he was we'll liked and we'll
spoken of, at least so far as his company
was concerned, though even the store
keepers and blacksmith, the Episcopal
clergyman and the depOtmaSter all said
that he must soon come to the end of his
string and starve, or else, like Young
Perkins, be glad to get a dollar when he
could at the hardest kind Of labor. For
how could a man with a few hundred
dollars keep his course very lOng-grOW-
ing only the contents Of halt-pOund seed
packages, marketing nothing anc doing
no work himself, when every man in
ASsinabOia knew that whole claim sOWn
IN wheat would scarcely keep family,
now that only sixty cents a bushel was
to be had for it? 1t was indeed "A hard
question to answer, and the only man
who could answer it was the only one
whom no one asked.
Young Crumber kept looking eastward
and seeing no one until, just as he reached
the, to him, historic cooIie, where he had
had his only Indian adventure worth
speaking of, there leaped out upon him
in precisely the way the Indians had
done year before another assailant.
This one burst upon him with merry
peal of laughter however. 1t was Miss
Sarah Miller. 1t would be difficult to
describe her as she was seen Just then.
Even picture would convey but scant
idea of her. For in very truth she APP
peared only for an instant and then dis
appeared in the embrace Of Mr. Crumber,
or rather all but her back disappeared,
and that revealed naught but plump
figure in a gray dress, with two rather
gray and mud-stained gaiter-heels lifted
OFT the ground, the better to assist what
was under the knit, blue tuque on her
head to bury itself under the young
mans chin
"Oh, Reginald, how wicked I am ~ she
muttcred deep under his coat. "Father
suspects me and feel that | am doing
wrong. He is terribly angry. You must
not blame him, dear. Since mother died
he and have been alone and since long
before that he has been, oh, so unfortu-
nate In that time, the prairie fire has
destroyed our first home, he has lost
yoke Of oxen, my mother has died and
followed my little brother and it seems
as though misfOrtunes have rained upon
him. He is deep in debt and deeper still
in melancholy. Now that he sus-
poets | have been meeting you he is
more bitter than | ever saw him. Were
he not my father | would warn YOU
to beware of meeting him; but, strangely