The Hocking sentinel. [volume] (Logan, Ohio) 1871-1906, 1887-03-17
Advice About Marriage.

Brudder Amibad Canlilever, it am re-
ported dat YOU am about to take unto
yerseif a wife. Dat de report am true
your recent ackshuns am proof. You
has been seen pricin' secondhand
stoves, squintin' at TO dollar bedroom
sweets, an rustlin' around arter bric-a-
brac Marriage am muffin you need be
ashamed OF, an l reckon you kin de-
fer You an leave behind some hard
bottomed cheers an few articles of
tinware.
Brudder Cantilcver, marriage am g
lottery on deaa-sure thing-just as you
make it. II you get struck on sight
fall in luv wid a gal fur her small feet,
taperin' waist, dimpled chin, or warb-
lin mouf, an marry her of-hand ut
about twelve weeks notis, you needn't
be astonished if der am a dynamite
7sploshun afore you hav bin hitched a
week. Small feet an 4 good temper
doan' allus go together. Slim waists
an kitchen economy may not work in
de same harness De gal who charms
you by dc way she drums de pianner
may hatly refuse, as a wife, to run dem
same fingers ober washbo'd. Firstly,
doan' git married until you know what
you are bein' iined to. Study de gal.
Let de feet go an watch her temper.
Let de bangs go an watch her economy.
Nebber you mind about the way she
dimples her chin. but AK yerseif if she'll
make dc bed wild de foot lower den de
head. Yon has got to do all the study
in. Not one gal out of thousand eber
stops to size up luver. Ii his Grecian
nose or curly has or droopin' mustache
strikes her fancy she'll nebber stop to
study his natur' nor to worry ober his
habits She is marryin' dat nose. or
head, or mustache. A month arter
marriage. when he hauls her aroun' by
de hair an slaps her dimpled jaw she's
perfectly astonished to think she made
sich mistake.
Secondly, Brudder Cantilever, arter
de knot has bin tied, make up yer mind
dat de frcher won't be all plain sailin'.
You are gwine to be tried an tested an
trubbled, an you hev got to call up all
yer manhood. You will h'ar de sasser
scrapin' de bottom of de flour bar'l
when you beven't got 4 cent in yer
pocket De wood-pile will run out in
.Jinuary. an de sugar an bacon will
seem to be carried of by de rats Ii yer
wife am cher so good-natured she will
hey her trials an tribulashuns. an dar
may be times when she'll riz up an
claw fur you. In dc Vars gone by my
ole woman has rushed upon me wild dc
rollin'-pin, an has rctorted in a way
TO make her earsache, but all dc time
knowed she was savin' an good-hcart-
ed, an she knowcd I'd empty my poch.
cts OF de las shiliin' TO buy her 4 new
set of false frizzes. If you am suited tc
each oGder an cccashunal row IN de
family will prove stickin'-piaster tc
hold YOU de ciIlsser together. II yol
mint suiicd-if you diskiyer dot you ha,
struck a patch of Canada this;ics an
can't sot sill, an il De odder party dis
kiyers dat she has taken 4 tumble of d.
monument OF Romance an brought U.
wild 4 ihud in de mud-hole of Reality,
you-iist absequatulato apart. Go quiet
" an decently an git unhitahed by di
Sorce. an let de wisdom gained by ex
perience STAN at yer right hand wher
We make anoder choice. Brudder Can
fiIever, my feeling an dc feelins OBJ d
club am with We, :.a' or good wishes
together wild at least $2 worth OF tin
ware, kin be counted on whenever d
fatal occashun arroves.-Brotksr Gard
aer. in Det,'0it Free Press.