The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-05-25
HUMOR.

THE beer drinker would seem to be
his own worst enemy in that he NAL
treats himself so persistently.
WHY is K the most unfortunate of
letters? Because it is always in fix,
and never out Of perplexity.
ONE of the most forcible stump ora
tors that ever took the field is the
farmer whose pillow strikes a snag.
MERCHANTS don't always give them
selves away in trade, but they frequent
ly exhibit signs of gilt outside their
stores.
"THAT was a very long story that
Colonel Sozzle told after dinner" said
one club man to another. "Yes,' was
the reply, "and 1 am sorry to say it
was as broad as it was long"
BosToN landlord (to porter)-"See
if the gentlemen in parlor L have fin
ished discussing their dinner" Porter
(returned)-"Dey is fru eatin', boss,
but dey amt done cussin' it yet"
"MADAME," said the tramp, "I'm hun
CRY enough to eat raw dog" We'll.
she responded, kindly suiting the action
to the word, "Ill whistle some up for
you" The tramp left, taking his appe-
tite with him.
A MAN wanted horse to ride in the
park. "Do you want spirited anlmal?"
asked the livery man. "No, not very"
"What do you want, then?" II want
horse that looks great deal more
spirited than he really is.
SOME remarkable stories have been
told under the head of "Antipathies,"
but the most remarkable we ever heard
was that of the man who could not
sleep in church because the nap was
worn off his overcoat-collar.
In Bavaria the Mayor of little viii
tiles to make out list of the dogs kept
by the inhabitants. He did so, and
the list read as follows: The school
teacher-a dog; the pastor-a dog; the
loctor--a dog; myself--a dog; all of
together-four dogs.
ToM-"I don't see why so many peo-
pie make fuss over that Miss Jones;
she isn't any better-looking or as nice
as some of the other girls" Harry
That's true, my dear boy, but her pa is
a millionaire. That's why she carries
so high head" Tonic. that's it,
is it? She holds up her head by
cheque reign. "-BOston Budget.
MISSISSIPPI general-"Sa Mr.. Sec
rotary, not long ago we asked for
couple of the biggest cannon in the
tice with at our annual camp" Secre-
tary of War-"That's all right. at
tended to it. "But they have not ar
rived yet" "rhat's queer. Guess the
Postmaster must have put them in the
wrong box. Omaha World.
Mrs. RoNGwERD was in trouble
about something she had said, and q
lady was talking to her about it. Il
don't think" sobbed Mrs. r., shat L
ever made such a remark" Il beg
your pardon, my DEAR" replied her
friend, "but 1 heard you say it."
We'll, perhaps I did, but if / did, it
was an ignis fatuus, and don't think
/ ought to be blamed for it, Wash
ingto1e Critic.
"WHY do you want to run for Alder
man?" was asked of young man
afflicted with the mania last night.
"To humble family pride, my dear
boy, was the answer. Il think / am
a pretty good fellow, and so does my
family. After the election is over L
am going TO compile all the bad things
said about me, and with Poo-Bah ex-
claim: 'Ah, family pride take thatP
Every time l get too exalted opinions
of myself l shall take that prescription.
1t will prevent my floating into the
ether some time. "-ElmirG Gazette.