News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-03-03
MY LAST DONATION.
BY REV URIAH xRRxEs BUTTLEs, D. D..

BY REV URIAH XERxEs BUTTLEs. D, D
'They's goin' ter be sight back OF
the salry this year." said Deacon
Screws one morning last winter, whel
he ad come to warm his feet. Money
awful tight an everythin' hez ris cleal
out Nv sight Projuce is a fetchen
good prlces-that Is, middlin'-b gro
ceries an dry goods air lummin', an
pay out jest about's fast as | take in
Me and Deacon Bullhead was fiourin
on the back sal'ry the other day. an W,
think the bes' thing ter do is to hev
donation. Outsiders air alIus ofisl
bout givin' reg'ler; but we've got con
siderable out Nv 'em at donations. fus
an last.n
But, Deacon, l demonstrated &c
don't approve of donations, and I don't
want one.''
"Wall, what will We hev?' burst out
the Deacon angrily. ''Here we be a.
OWN ye sight NV back salry, an we
can raise it without q tug. For nv
part L don't think it's very 'cumin' Nv
ye to stan IN the way Nv the cause Nv
lions movin' forrards. Nobody need
know 'cept the trustees thet it's goin
Ter ply on the sal'ry. It kin be like a
reg Ter donation, an it'll be an OCCASION,
meen social o'caslon, an give the
new families in the church a chance to
g1t 'quainted. 1t been an awful spelI
slnca we've he'd such an OCCASION, an we
orter hev one anyways"
IL was depida6 Of +bo ro-4 ......:.z- = r
the Board of Trustees that the Church
should give me a donation and the
amount donated s ould be credited on
my salary, though the second clause of
tbe resolution was to be kept q pro
found secret As our meeting house
Pariors had just been refurnished. and
II takes large amount of coal to prop
erly warm them, it was dec; ded to hold
the said donation at my house. Our
parlor and sitting room carpets were
well-worn ingram which we had
many years; and the few other rooms
which were not bare floors are covered
by rag carpets, manufactured by my
wife. Straw mating was at this time
laid In the front hall, and the stairs
we covered with crash towellng. In
the parlor we have well-worn sofa and
SIX xsplnd e-legged chairs. The rest of
our furniture is not worth enumerating.
as most of 1t is home made.
When / told Mrs. Buttles what was
threatened, she was very much excited
Don't let them come, UTiah," she
cried. ''Im not able to clean house,
and they'll talk about me if l don't.
And you can imagine what it will be to
straighten up after them" I was very
much tumbled up and down in nv
mind, as John Bunyan would say, for
my frail and weary wife does all the
drudgery for family of eight; but
dared not interfere, and the occasion
came off.
1t was TO last from three o'clock in
the afternoon TIL nine in the evening.
My wife and l were to remain in the
parlor and entertain the frienda. the
committee said. Deacon Bullhead
would sit upstairs In my study and take
the money, and a committee of sisters
would receive the provisions in the kit
chen, and get supper.
The first family to arrive were the
Bullheads. 1t was q rainy day, and
very muddy, and the Deacon came
slowly putting up the steps, and set his
dripping umbrellas in the corner of the
hall to drain.
''My sakesP cried COOL Nancy Falls,
who was in attendance at the door.
fYou'vc done It'll Look at that wall
an that mating! An you amt goIn'
ter leave them rubbers on. be ye2''
Now, the Deacon is large man. and
his understanding, like that of the ever
lasting hills, is both long and broad.
Certainly he does not wear less than No.
15s. ''Wall, I'd take 'em off eff was i
hum," he pulled; ''but it's dreadful
hard fur me to git 'em on, I'm so fieshy;
an I'm goin' ter leave 'em on, seein' it's
here" After walking all over the lower
part of the house, he finally went up
stairs, leaving chunks of red CLAY on
every step, to Nancy's irrepressible dis
gust.
1 he Deacon brought keg of cucum-
bers in salt, six pounds of dried apples,
bushel of turnips, half bushel of
beets, a shoulder of pork, and battered
copy of Pollock's Course of Time"
His wife brought basket of cake and
biscuit for the supper which was to be
furnished to the company. / have no
delicacy in mentioning these things, for,
with the exception of the book, they
were articles the Deacon elected to give
me instead of the money due on my last
years salary.
Senator and Mrs. Bradawl came next,
AMI Mrs. Bradawl brought a shawl knit
out of fine black yarn, which she valued
at five dollars, and which she to d Mrs.
Buttles looked like lace at a distance,
and would make her very suitable sum
mer wrap. The people then came in so
ra''idlv did not know what any one
brought.
Mrs Bushwhack, president of the
GIiggsville Society for the (ulture of
the Brain, had prepared programme of
literary exercises for the evening She
always improves such opportunities
There was to be music, an original poem
by Mrs. Bushwhack, and recitations by
Professor Snooks, who teaches rhetoric
and elocution at the Griggsville Female
Seminary. The sofa and six spindle
legged chairs, have before mentioned,
form the major part of the seating capa-
city of tie parsonage. When Professor
Snooks announced he was ready to be
gin, and suggested that as many as pos
sible seat themselves, six old ladies,
weighing, / should think, about two
hundred pounds apiece, sat down on the
sofa. The Professor, who dotes on
tragedy, ran his fingers through his
ringlets, and, after expressive pause,
began in a sePulchral voice:
"What do l hear"
Just at this minute the four legs OF
the sofa snapped off, and the six fat old
ladies went to the floor with crash
"Well. this is givin' folks set-dowa!' ;