Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-11-03
Wanted to NeighbOr.

We moved on the first of the month
into neighborhood in which we found
ourselves among strangers. We had
been informed by our landlord, how
ever, that we would find the people
''sociable and neighborly in the vicin-
ity Of our new home. This we found
to be true, and we record our exper-
fence, that those who read it may arm
themselves with shotguns and other
weapons of defense should they con-
template coming into our neighbor-
hood.
We hadn't unpacked our goods yet
when a long, lank, sallow woman
climbed over the back fence and came
stumbling into the house without OBJ
serving the polite custom of first ring
ing the bell.
.'Pm Mis- Sary Ann Beggs," she
said, by way of formal introduction.
81 thought I'd come right in an git
acquainted fust off and let you know
/ was willin' to neighbor with you.
If they's anything I do jes natchelly
love it's to neighbor with folks, an I
liked your looks the minnit seed you.
| amt got but minnit to stay; thought
you might feel more to home if you
had an interdooce to some of your
neighbors an knowed they were will
in to neighbor with you. I'm willin'
to neighbor with anybody that's de-
cent. But l must hurry home. l just
brung % teacup along, thinkin' mebbe
[ could borry it full of coffee. I'm
jest out an hadn't nobody to send for
any. I'm short Of sugar, too, an if
you could spare me tin cupfull I'd
be 'bleeged to you. You see I'm jest
that neighborly come right in to
borrY of you fust thing"
My wife got the woman the things
she wanted and she cleared out after
saying for the nineteenth time that she
"callated on peigborin' with us right
along" Before night she vaulted
lightly over the fence and came in
again.
Here am agin," she said cheerily.
Thought mebbe you'd be lonesome
'thout no one to neighbor with. /
found myself short O. tea for supper
an thought I'd run in an see how you
was gittin' on an neighbor with you
some more. My flour bar'l played out
to-day, an amt had time to go down
town an order another, so if you'll
fill this bag with flour I'll be 'bleeged.
Amt got any No. 40 white thread,
have youP Yes? Well, I'd like to
borry your spool, and if you'll jest
stick a needle Or two in with it I'd like
it. Amt got no bread baked, have
you? A half a loaf is all 1 need, and
if you could let me have the loan of
butter enough to go with it it'd be a
favor"
My meek little wife gave the ''neigh-
Dor" all she wanted, and she struck a
bee line for home. We were eating
peared again.
my man wants to neighbor with
you too. He's bout the size of your
man. We're goin' to ball tonight
and if you'd loan him some dancing
/ pots and white vest he'd be thank
full. | brung this cup for a little salt;
and"
An old shotgun of mine was in a
corner. | picked it up and said coldly
and cruelty, and in dead earnest:
'sYou clear out! And don't you ever
come back while you live. We're not
in the neighboring business at present.
Avaunt!'
She avaunted and the next day she
circulated a report throughout the
town to the effect that she had caught
me whipping my wife; that had been
in States prison.; that / was half ne
gro; that our children had been in the
reform school; that our furniture was
mortgaged; that we had been in the
poor-house all winter; that we were
living under an assumed name, and
that a reward was offered for my ar
rest for bigamy and highway robbery.
-ZenaS Dane S7a It'd Bits.
The death of Gen. Phil Kearney at
Chantillv has always been shrouded in