The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1887-12-22

witnesses is the truth established" That
solitary otter that they slipped up on
and killed on that ice. bound island when
they had consumed their last ration and
had eaten the strings out of their shoes,
was really a fact-an otter-aud saved
their lives, and they otter be grateful to
that otter; yes, they otter. 1t took a
wonderful amount of alimentary to sur
vive that expedition, but they did, and
there is some sand left yet.
At Dublin I found court in session and
a hotel full of drunmers and other
guests. never mingled with :, livelier
set. They told yarns and snapped lies
and exchanged wit until near midnight.
One of the guests was artifcially hilari.
Gus and sarcastic, and asked Hebrew
drummer what business he was runnin'.
"My frent," said he, 81 am de sheneral
agent for de great North America Epi-
taph and Burial association. I am cam
wasting dis country for members and will
take anybody who is liable to die some
time or udder. Ven a man shoins our
komp'ny his pones will not pleach upon
de hills nor moulder in the valleys. Our
'komp'ny perries all dere dead and writes
dere epitaphs. We keeps epitaphs on
hand shoost ike We keeps cofius. Ven
you die we perry you low in de ground
we're de dogs cannot scrach you up nor de
doctors exhume you for skeleton. If
A. T. Stuart had pelong to our kompany
it would have save bis wife twenty-five
thousand dollars. No madder we're you
die-vedder on de Shimhorazo mountains
or in de dark valley Of Jehosaphat We
perry you. And den we writes such poo.
tiful epitaphs dat make you feel as goot
after you pc dead. hav known men to
read over our list of epitaphs and den go
off and commit suicide shoost to get one
of dem on dere tombstone. Say, my
trent, shall I put your name down? it is
only one dollar"
The next morning the hilarious gentle.
man came down to breakfast with the
usual reaction. His subdued appearance
excited the drummer's profoundest sym.
pathy. "Goot morning, my frent," said
he, "you does not seem so veil dis morn
ing as you vas last night. 1t is de vet
wedder tink. Dis is a very vet town
and de dampness does not agree wit you.
Ven you woke up dis morning vas de
room going round and round?"
The victim smiled sickly smile and
nodded assent "Vell, my frent," said
the drummer, "dat vas all imagination
de room vas not going round and round
at all-dis house is solid-very solid. I
vas vet myself one time and know shoost
how it is, and 80 tell you it vas not 60.
ing round and round. Vas you ever so
vet before like you vas last night?"
The kind, loving sympathy of the
drummer was irresistible. 1t was impos-
sible to smother our risibles, but the
poor victim couldn't stand it. He left
the room for some fresh air or some more
wet and We lost him. This same drum.
mer managed somehow to offend man
about town, and the man swore he was
going to whip him. He approached
with hostile demonstrations, but the
drummer stepped back and cautioned
him in supplicatiug tones, and laying
his hand upon his heart, said: "My
trent, you should not strike me. Beware
how you excite me. I have heart dis
ease very pad and am liable to drop
down dead any moment if you excite me.
My physician tell me dot de slightest
shock to my system will make me to fall
down dead, and den you feel so pad, SO
very pad about dot-eh?"
This plea, and his agonizing look, so
alarmed the man that he refrained and
took his satisfaction in language.
Last year, this drummer was indicted
for indulging in pleasant little game of
poker in his room at the hotel. He went
home and wrote the solicitor one of the
most touching and pathetic letters that
ever was penned. He plead for mercy
and forgiveness, for the sake of his dear
little darling wife-the trusting, inno-
cent, angel who would be utterly heart.
broken, were she to hear of his misfor-
tune. The solicitor said he never read
more affecting letter, and so he wrote
him back some kind words and good
advice, and lots of sympathy and Told
him to send ten dollars and the case
should be stricken, part for the sake of
that little angel wife. Of course he sent
the money, and the case was dismissed,
and not long after the solicitor learned
that be did not have any wife at all nor
ever had. "Ah, he is smart" said he,
"and as clever as he is smart. Every
body in this country knows him and
everybody likes him"
Well, Dublin is pretty wet town, but
it is a good town for business, and is
growing rapidly. 1t is the terminus Of
the Wrightville and Dublin railroads
new road that is doing wonders for that
region. BILL ARP.
A Unison Weed Remedy.
Be very careful, writes E. E. Me-, of
Louisiana. to the Cudivato1. farmers. how