Custer chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, Black Hills, D.T. [S.D.]) 1880-1890, 1887-03-26
STRAY SUNBEAMS.
Gathered a. They Sparkle From the
Pen OF HumOT.

times. Il beg pardon" said the clerk,
"l'm somewhat new at this business.
Would you please repeat itY'
al have to o%tiiciate rs second in a
duel this morning, but before going I
want to get a pair Of gloves. Where
shall | go?" "Why don't YOU so to q
secondhand clothing store?"
First Tramp-Sav, Mike. d. you sup
pose dat last cider w sucked out r dat
har'l was der real stuff? Second
Tramp-Why, cert, pard: why not
First Tramp-Oh, nawthin', only my
breath smells so much like kerosene
I'm afeared to light my plpe.-Tid-Bits.
"Cbarley, what is a chestnut bell ?"
said his girl. "Oh, it's a bell that rings
when any II tells IN old story" Well
they couldn't call me a chestnut bell;
I have no ring 1t succeeded, and they
are to be married when Charley has
his salary raised.
"She did wrong to look back, didn't
she, Bessie" "Yes, mamma" And
what do you think Lot thought when
he saw his poor wife turned into a pill
lar of SALT" Il don't know, mamma;
| 'spect ne wondered where he could
get a fresh one"
First Bright Girl-There is that hor.
rid little links telling his one single
anecdote to poor Mrs. Smythe. What a
bore he is! Second Bright Girl-Yes;
he reminds me of a French apartment
house. First Bright Girl-In what
way? Second Bright Girl-A one-story
fiat. Both-Te-he.
A wise dog in Morden, Manitoba,
slipped his collar the other day, and
when his master called refused to come,
evidently fearing punishment: but in
the night he returned. managed to get
the collar over his head, and in the
morning a found chained to his ken
mel, wagging his tail in conscious
virtue.
"Now. children" said the teacher
OF the infant natura! history class. after
the peculiarities OF the crab had been
discussed. lis there any other member
OF the animal Kingdom that possesses
the power TO move rapidly backward p
q" Yes" said n Of the most promising
scholars, the mule kin d. it."
Are you still going to see Miss
Brown" "No. | ain afraid she has
taken to gambling" "Takcn to gamb-
ling? Impossible" "Well | called a
couple of times and she wasn't home.
| met her brother-the tough one-and
he said to me-: Say, can't YOU see my
sister wants to shake you?" ] told him
| never threw dice, and | haven't been
there since
The ladies at TT. Madison, Iowa, have
formed a brass band. and will begin ut
once to make night hideous. All Of the
families that can, are fleeing from the
town III terror, and those who are
obliged to remain are appealing to the
city authorities for protection, 1t is
said that the widest kind of excitement
prevails, and hundreds have Joined the
church.
Thirteen thousand dollars for the
plumbing and gas fitting In my house!"
ne exclaimed, as he looked at the bill.
Yes, sir" humhly replied the plumber.
But the building and land together cost
only ten thousand dollars" Exactly,
sir. but l had to take into account the
natural scenery around the place.
Natural scenery is always figured In
our bills"
There Is a very bad little Quinn
in Geneseo, III. The other day be made
his small sister drink Kerosene until the
doctor had q hard job keeplng'her alive;
and after that he induced the same
trusting child to lie down on the floor
while he should cut Oft her head with a
Ratchet. Mrs. Quinn appeared oppor-
timely, or there is no knowing what
would have happened.
A Western paper vas running q ser
ial story called "The Truth" Last
week so much space being devoted to
the earthquake shock the editor was
unable to run tire weekly installment,
so made the following announcement,
containing, perhaps, more truth than
any other item i'll the paper: 1.-The
Truth was crowded out of this issue on
account Of the press Of more import
ant matter"
They are having a holiness agita-
ton in interior Georgia, which is not
always beneiicent in its operations. a
dispute arose between a company OF
neighbors who were discussing the
scriptures, as to whether Adams claim
to the distinction of being the first man
was not q false one. AS Il result OF the
quarrel one OF the disputants was sent
to join Adam and make inquiries. while
another went to jail. But the agitation
still goes on.
A brakeman in the employ of the
Delaware and Hudson Canal Company
is a very obliging person, and q thought
full person withal. An excursion party,
which included many young men and
women, recently made the trip from
Albany to Lake George, and as the
train would near a tnnnel-of which
there are n good many on the line-he
would call out, in %stentorian tones;
Gents, choose your partners for the
tunnel"
There WAS a meeting Of the preach
ers of Lynchburg, Va and when it was
breaking up DR.. John Harmon could
not find his hat. Turning to Rev. II. r.
AGREE he said: zone Of your Baptists
has my hat" "Then," said Brother
AGREE, "your hat has more brains in it
than yer before" A few days aftrr
that DR.. Harmon was passing by
Brother AGREES yard. gate, and when
urged to come in said: II am on my
way to preach" You can't preach"
replied Brother AGREE. $50 l felt for
a long time" replied DR.. Harmon; "but
since hearing you, the other day, l have
changed my mind"
At a house in Ohio where q minister
was boarding, the servant girl was anx-
ious to anticipate everything in her