The Sunday morning news. [volume] (Jersey City [N.J.]) 1886-1891, 1887-05-01

Speaking of animals, what does the
catamOunt to?
Sarah Bernhard drinks stout. But size
doesn't look it.
A friend just returned from Canada says
the song of " Yankee-doodle" is very popu-
lar over the border.
Yes, said Fogg, ''as success have
always been failure, but as a failure
have been an unqu lifted SUCCESS"
Some of our exchanges are discussing
the question, "What is a Dude?" A dude
is to man what tea store chrome is TO
painting by Messonier,
What picturesque little cottage A
veritabIe Swiss chalet" "a Swiss shall
he. do you call If? To my mind it's more
like an Irish sban't he"
Undressed kid is the favorlte material
for slippers, says fashionable Journal. II
may be added that Slippers are not the
favorite material with the undressed kid
New Customer. that your dog?"
Hairdresser-''Yes sir New Customer
HE seems very fond of watching you cut
hair" Hairdres .er-"Itsh not that, shir
Sometimes make mistake and take lit
tie piece Of shentleman's ear"
Have you Hours of Idleness' heref"
the maiden asked, as she sauntered into
the second hand bookstore "No. we
haven't, miss, " said the youth behind the
counter. "The boss is an old sk1nfint,
and when we amt doing any business he
keeps US busting the books"
''Ah! what's this?" exclaimed the in
telligent compositor. :" Sermons in stones,
books in the runniHg brooks?' I hat can't
be right! He means Sermons in books
stones in the running brooks That's
sense" And that is how the writer fould
it. And yet he was not happy.
Eliza and Jane were two old maid friends
and Jane broke the bond by marrying.
Her husband was conspicuously homely,
and the first time Eliza met Jane she said
scornfully: $50, d gracious, Jane, why
didn't you marry a monkey. and be done
with it," '-Oh, smiled JAMS sweelly,
l thought you might like to marry some
time, and l didn't want to fake your last
chance"
"Did you see nv picture in the paper to-
day dear? inquired young traveller who
had taken quite an interest in politics, as
he came into the house the other evening.
Yes, / did-and--and =" Here she burst
into tears why, what's the matter?
Why does it make you cry? "Why, Jack,
I'm so disappointed; if had known you
looked like that I'd never have married
you"
money, my dear young friend, " said an
elderly adviser, doesn't alone bring hap
piness in this world" II know it doesn't
sir" responded the young man, frankly;
sit only brings terrapin, and small bottles,
and trips to Europe, and canvas-backs,
and lying abed late in the mornings, and
taking tailor-made girls to the opera nights,
and all that sort Of grief and misery; give
me contented mind and-say $50 600 a
year, and somebody else can have the
money" he concluded, with fine scorn.
A farmer in England, returning home
rather late one night, discovered yokel
with lantern under his Kitchen window,
who when asked his business there said he
had only come accounting" "Come a
what?" asked the farmer. Accounting,
sir. Use counting Mary" "But what do
you want with a lantern?ss asked the farm
er; Il never used one when was a young
man" mo, sir, was the yokel's reply,
II don't think We did, judging by the looks
of the mississ."
Jim Sniverly had been absent for several
years He returned not long siace, and one
of the first men he met was Bill Tinker
son. They greeted each other warmly.
when Bill remarked ''Do you remember
Sally Jane Benderly?" THAT great big
gawky, red-headed girl with freckles as
big as dime all over her nose?" eyes,
thass's the gall" ''Of course 1 remember
her. Nobody could ever forget her. 1t is
impossible to duplicate face like that
She had mouth like catfish. What of
her?'' ooh, nothing, except she is my
wife"