River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-10-06
HUMoR OF THE DAY.
HOW 1T HAPPENED.


top of the cabin, and heard somebody /
talking. They were Guided down /
where the boom couldn't strike them, /
and pretty soon coo struck my ears.
1t said:
'Tiahed, dahling?'
. 'Tiahed some
Sleepy, dahling?'
a. Sleepy some
- Kiss me, dahling?n
Smack
"And that's when 1 rolled off into
the water"
THEOLOGICAL.
Sunday-school teacher-What is it.
Tommy, that stingeth like an adder?
Pupil (recently caught in a neighbours
pear tree)-The end of trunk strap.
A MONTANA VERDICT.
Coroner-Gentlemen have you
viewed the remains?
Foreman-We have.
Coroner-How was he killed?
Foreman-Shot through the heart.
Coroner-Well, let the verdict be
short but explicit. Refused drink
is enough.-Life.
STRANGER.
"My dear" said fond papa to his
daughter, ''why don't you get mar
ried?" Il will, papa" replied the
young lady, ''as soon as come across
a gentleman who doesn't drink, nor
smoke, nor play billiards. and who goes
to church regularly" '.And, my good
child" solemnly replied the old man,
''you are but a stranger here. Heaven
is your home. Philadelphia Call.
OBSERVING PARENT.
PA said Lucy. Charley has
horse that be says is good for 2:30
gait" Yes" was the reply, land
speaking of gaits, noticed last night
that you and Charles were both good
for a 11:30 gate" And Lucy changed
the subject.-Merchant Traveller
BRIGHT PROSPECT.
Mother-Has Mr.. Goslow offered
himself yet?
Harriet-No, not yet; but think he
will soon. Last night he said he was
looking around for wife, and asked
me very particularly if | thought |
could earn enough to venture to marry
on.
EASILY DONE.
He was rather sentimental. and so
was she as they strolled along. She
knew she had him, but he did not know
how far he had progressed with her.
'.Do you like sentiment?' he said.
mot too much of it, said she.
''How happy fellow must feel when
he has the girl he loves in his arms.
and holds her close to his breast, and
presses his lips to hers, and"
.'And-and-it's SO easily DONE"
said she.
SURE TO WORK.
"Now. how must do with this we'd
ding-cake to dream on it?" asked a
gushing damsel of matter-of-fact
young man.
just eat it; that's all, p" was the re-
ply.
SLOW CITY.
whats all this racket" asked a
travelling man as he got off the train in
Philadelphia.
They're celebrating the signing of
the United States Constitution. +"
"Why, that happened hundred
years agor
Yes"
'And they are just getting on to it?
Well, if that amt Philadelphia all
overt Washington Critic.
BOYS PRAYER.
Omaha mamma-There, now, stop
chattering and say your prayers.
Little son-Make sister shut up, So
can. Say, mamma, can
81 told you to stop talking"
Il know. Can you"
"Say your prayers"
Yes. I'm goin' to. Now lay
me downto sleepIpray interchangeable
keep if | Observation-Disclosures the
Lordmesoultotake-s mamma, can
you move your earsP"
A REASONABLE OFFER.
Sleeping-car porter (dusting off a
passenger)-Am yO' resident of New
Yo'k, sab?
Passenger-Yes. I'm one of the Off
cials at Castle Garden.
Sleeping-car porter (anxiously)-Am
dat so? Well, if / gives yo' a good
dustin off an blacks yo' boots an
gives yo' dollar, wud dat be enough?
Use poo man, boss; deed l is''-New
York Sun.
SHE MIGHT RELENT.
81 can't see, Nellie, why your moth
er will never allow you to go driving
with me-"
IL think. Charlie, that she might
give her consent if she could see you
driving your new horse once"
'sHow do you mean?"
"Why. it's all you can do to hold it.
Lincoln journal.
A WASTE OF MONEY.
"Im as mad as hornet this morn
in" remarked a Connecticut matron
to a visitor. ''D'yeou meet a big,
healthy-lookin' tramp a little ways
daown the road?"
IL believe / did,"
"Waal. barg'ned with that teller
ter saw cord o. wood for his break
fast an 10 CENTS
"Yes?,'
"Waal, he ct breakfast enough for
four men, an then he went aout an
hired my husband ter saw the wood fer
nickel, an he slept in the barn till it
was done. / only jest faund it aout.
An now Josiah's gone daown ter the
store, an / know he'll squander that
hull five cents on peppermint lozen-
ges."
TRUE LOVE RUNNING SMOOTHLY.
She-Do you remember that lovely
moonlight ride we had at Newport last
summer. Charley, behind that cute lit
tie donkey?
He with tender reproach) DO re-
member it, love? As if / could ever
forget it!
Sbe-You are nice to say so, Char
lev; and do you know, dear, never
see a donkey without thinking of you.
HE WISHES HE HAD NOT SAID 1T.
He-What a lovely fan you have,
Miss Edith.
She-Yes, like il. My papa gave
it to me. 1t came from Paris and is
/