davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-03-13

About thirty members OF the Teutonia
Singing Society gave a surprise party to
Mr.. Fritz Viebig at his residence in the
South Side, Thursday night. An excellent
time is reported.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-03-13

On Tuesday night Prof. Mullen gave a
most enjoyable ball To his pupils in honor
of the anniversary of his birth. kilmeyer
furnished the music, and dancing was in
dulged in until an early houI. There were
about forty couples present and all enjoyed
themselves immensely.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-03-13

Nothing is known to science At all comparable
ts the CuTICURA REMEDIES in their marvellous
properties Of cleansing, purifying and beAutiS-
ing the skin, and in curing tor .uring, disbsuring'
itching, scaly and pinply diseases OF the skin
scalp and blood. with los Of hair from infancy
70 age.
CrrIcURA. the great skin Cure, and CUTicUKA
Soar. an exquisite skin Beautiher, prepared from
it. externally, and CUTIcURA REsoLyEST, the
new Blood Purifier. internally, are 8 positive
cure for every form OF skin and blood diseases
from pimples 10 scrofula-
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-03-13

. The South Side Singing Society will give
one OF their elegant masquerade dances at
.Arbenz'S Hall on the 18th OF this month,
and the usual pleasant time is anticipated.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-03-13

The Windsor Athletic Club gave a most
enjoyable progressive eucher party at their
rooms on last Friday evening. Harry
Travis wa the fortunate prize winner and
received a handsome silver castor. 1t i
the purpose OF the club TO give several OF
these nartieS during Lent.
Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-03-13

have had a Ringworn Humor, got at the bar
ber's. for six years, which lspread all over my
ears, face and neck, and which itched and I'M
tatsd me a great deal. / have used many RENE
dies. by sdvice OF physicians, without benefit
Your CrrIcrEA RExkpIEs have entirely cured
me, taking every DIT Of humor OF my face and
leaving II Is smooth as dollar. ! thank you
again for the help il has been TO me.
GEO. ". BROWN, Mason,
IS Marshall ST.. Providence, r. |.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30
French Wit and Wisdom

Before wondering at the degradation
OF soul, one should know what blows
it has received, amG what il has suffered
from its own grandeur.-Nme. Louise
Colet.
Prospective happiness! it is the only
real happiness in the World.-A. de
MuSset.
1t is strange that all great men should
have some little grain of madness min
gled with whatever genius they possess.
-MOLiere.
Without woman the two extremities
of life would be without succor, and the
middle without pleasure.
God took his softest clay and his
purest colOrs, and made fragile jewel,
mysterious and caressing-the finger of
woman; then lie fell asleep. The devil
awoke, and at the end of that rosy fin
ger put-a nail.-VictOr Hugo.
The reason why lovers never weary of
each others company is because they
speak always OF themselves.-La Roch-
efoucauld.
The heart of a loving woman is a gold
Ell sanctuary, where often there reigns
an idol Of clay.-Limayac.
Enjoy and give enjoyment, without
injury to thyself or to others: this is
true morality.-Ch Chamfort.
The matrimonial knot is sometimes
tied so tightly that it wounds those
whom it unites.-De VdrenneS.
When women love us, they forgive
us everything, even our crimes; when
they do not love us, they give us credit
for nothing, not even for our virtues
Balzdc.
The remembrance of the good done
those we have loved, is the only conso-
lation left us when we have lost them.
-DemouStier.
The art Of putting the right men in
right places is first in the science of
government; but that Of finding places
for the discOntented is the most difficult.
-T'aleyand.
1t is dangerous to discover the faults
or weakness Of certain persons; they
never forgive us the knowledge of these
secret ulcers.-De FiHod.
Heaven protect me from my friends;
l will protect myself against my ene-
mics es.-Prorerb.
Life is as slate where all our sins
are written: from time to time we rub
the sponge of repentance over it, in or
der to begin to sin anew.
To judge of the real Importance Of AL
Individual, one should think Of the ef-
feet his death would produce.-LeUis.
Women complain of the lack Of virtue
in men, and do not esteem those who
are too strictly virtuous.-BIondet.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30
He Was n Liar.


Justice, TO prosecuting witness:
Now, state your case as briefly as you
can"
Prosecuting witness-I will, your
honor. am a stalioner, and this morn
ing this man came into my house, and
says:
Have you got any black ink?"
EYES," | replied.
jet black?"
Yes"
"will it turn black after a while, or
will it write black at once:"
Writes black at once"
"Jet black?"
"Yes."
".You are liar and with his hat,
your Honor, he turned to walk out, and
when put my hand on him, intending
to ask for an explanation OF his curious
conduct, he wheeled around and knock
&c me down"
Justice-This is a rather interesting
case. You are stationer, Ell 2
Prosecuting witnes-Yes, sir.
"And have you really got any black
ink?"
eyes, sir"
BLACK as soon as you write with it p
"Yes, SIR"
Justice (after a moments refection)
-ssYou are liar. The prisoner is dis
cbarged."-Ark. Trar.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30
lIypocrIsy.

Many man will walk arm aud arm
with the devil until they reach the
church door. This is the style of man
who is thought to be pious, but who ID
really only watching his chance.
The party referred to In the above
paragraph Is brother Of the man who
attempted to cloak his sins, but found
that lie couldn't begin to get a garment
large enough.
Nothing more completely battles one
who Is full Of treachery than plain
honesty In another.
Deceit Is a very difficult game 10 win
by. Men try to play II with an ace high
but the world always cahs them with q
pair Of deuces.
The most cross-grained people are by
no means the worst Of mankind. There
are many persons In whose mouth but
ter would not melt, who are nevertbe-
less very dangerous. As opIe Read
says: "Dar sin't nuffn more pItyfuI dan
de cry oh de wildcat, brt oh, Lawd,
what er mouf aud claws dat varmlnt has
got"
Even children are deceitful. There
is good story told Of little boy who
loved his grandmother. lie said:
"Gran'ma, how old are your"
"About sixty-six," said the grand
mother.
"You will die soon, won't you gram
ma"
"Yes, dear, I expect to-"
"When I die, gran'ma, can be buried
side Of your"
Eyes. dear" she said, as her heart
warmed toward the little one, whom, she
folded closer In her arms.
"Gran'ma," softly Whispered the liz
tie rascal, "gimme ten cents.
There is so much hypocrisy In the
world that even the best and most limo.
cent Of men ars suspected. When, for
instance, prohibition orator has water
brought to him in tin cup, people
think that they can see through bis lit
tie game.
Women are not devoid Of deceit. Fre-
quently woman who will stand on her
piazza and smile like an angel, will 20
inside and walIop her children with .
boojsck until she has corns on the in.
side OF her thumbs.
A popular brand Of hypocrisy 10 ship
ping missionaries 10 the hesthsn. What
can be more bypocriticai than sending
missionaries through California, where
the boodlum RACES, to wresfls with pso-
pie living beyond the Pacific siope who
are orderly aud welI-sessaveds-'Tsxas
Syfings. -
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30
The Dakota Pump snake.

In Central Dakota, on the missouri
bottoms" there exists one Of natures
strangest freaks. The settlers term 1t
the "pump snake" How II came there
and where il came from Is yet unkpown.
1t first made its appearance In Emmons
county in the spring Of 1856. A full
grown pump snake measures about six
teen feet in length aud about three inch.
es in diameter. They are Of gregsrious
habits, roaming the prairies In large
herds, as many as 800 hundred having
been counted in single flock. In dis
secting one of these reptiles there Is
found tube which extends from the
roof of the jaw to the extremity Of the
tail and terminating in an opening.
The tube is about two inches In dlame-
ter and lined with a tough. yielding
substance similar to rubber. The pump
snake is easily trained to answer to the
call of man. The inhabitants In that
section trap them in large numbers.
A farmer on Cat Tail creek has flock
Of twenty pump snakes trained TO re-
markable degree Of proficiency. At the
blast of whistle the snakes assemble on
the banks Of the creek. The leader
(there always is leader TO a herd Of
these snakes, who Is elected by two.
thirds majority, dashes into the water
OF the creek, leaving only the eXtremi-
ties of It's tail on the bank. Another
snake Immediately grasps the end Of IN =
leaders, tail in his jaws. a third snake
takes hold of the second snakes tail In
similar manner, and so on until there Is
continuous line of snakes Joined end
on, extending TO the water troughs In
the yards, 300 feet away. The leading
snake commences to swallow or pump
the water OF the creek. which passes
through the long line Of snakes as II
would through hose, and falls Ia
heavy stream into the trough.
This agrlculturalist told Of an extra
ordinary circumstance which occurred
a short time ago. While working la the
field near Ills home he observed flames
issuing from the roof Of his barn. Wild
with excitement, he hurried to the burn
ing building only TO see that IL was
hopeless task for himself alone TO at
tempt to eXtinguish the flames. In de-
spair he gazed on the work OF destruc-
ton. Suddenly he heard loud rust.
ling In the tall grass, and looking
around, saw his herd Of pump snakes
coming on the run. The leader hurled
himself into the creek, the rest Instantly
adjusting themselves, heads and tails,
from the creek to the burning building.
The last snake, standing on It's head,
waved It's long and flexible body, from
the tail end OF which issued a stream Of
water that was thrown with terrific
force OH the burning building. Back
and forth dashed the tail end Of that
living hose, squirting the water where
1t would do the most good, while the
loud pumping Of the leader could be
heard above the roar OF tho connagra-
tion. Within fifteen, minutes the last
spark was out. Then, aud not until
then, did the pump snakes quit work.
They were completely exhausted, the
leader having tainted away. The main
part Of the building and It's contents
were saved, thanks to the presence Of
mind of these wonderful snakes.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30
SHEPHERDsTOWN, VA, FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 80, 1881

with both hands, she should not have
it this day! Bethink thee, husband,
how thou did'st promise that when our
son should gain bis degree Of Bachelor
of Arts"
"And hath he gained tf'' broke in the
butcher, now quite as much excited as
his wife. "Whence hast thou the news,
wit? Where is the messenger|
Here" answered low, clear voice
behind him; aud there stood young
Thomas himself, in the fur-trimmed
robe of an Oxford Bachelor of Arts.
"Brave lad!' shouted the oyerjoyed
father, seizing his son in hug worthy
Of a Polar Bear, and plentifully be-
smearing his new robe with the grease
that covered his own frock. "Thou shalt
have the beef, though one should offer
me It's weight in gold. l pray thee,
good friend,' he added, turning to the
lacky. who had been sent for the meat,
'Iet not his lordship be angry if"
"My lord loveth good learning too
we'll to be displeased thereat," inter
rupted the servant, who knew the story
of the butchers pl omise to his son as
we'll as every other man in town. "May
God prosper thee, Master Thomas, and
give thee joy of such son."
A proud man was the butcher that
night as the neighbors tlocked in to con-
Cratulate him and his wonderful son.
And the sheriff himself held out his
hand to the young scholar, saying,
laughingly:
Thou hast begun well, good youth,
and thou wilt mount higher hereafter.
Remember me, pray thee, when thou
art Cardinal"
"There is many true word spoken
in a Jest" answered the student, with a
sudden CLEAN in his deep, earnest eyes.
zone Englishman hath become Pope
why should not another become Car
dinal?"
And any one may now read for HIM
self in history how Thomas, the BUTCH
er's son, ruled all England for many a
wear as Cardinal Wolsey.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30
Clever Ruse TO Catch IN Thief.

y story, describing the plan by which
a rogue was discovered among the ma
tive troops of British India, is told by
veteran English officer. A complaint
was brought to him Of theft which had
just been committed In the barracks, TO
the perpetrator Of which there was not
the slightest clew.
The next morning, on parade, the col
onel passed along the line, giving to each
man in turn thin strip Of bamboo, and
when they were all supplied. he said,
with emphasis: "My men, there is
thief among you, and Brahma has re-
vealed to me way Of detecting him.
Come forward, one by one, and give to
me your bamboo chips, and the guilty
man, do what he may, will have the
longest"
The soldiers, not a little startled at
this mysterious threat, obeyed without
a word; but before the first dozen had
filed past, the colonel suddenly seized
one of them by the throat and shouted:
"You are .he man !"
The Hindoo foil upon his knees aud
whined out a confession OF the theft,
while his terrified comrades salaamed
to the ground before the dread Sahib to
whom Brahma had given such terrible
power.
When they had dispersed, another off,
Ger, who had been looking oil In silent
amazement, exclaimed: 81 wish you
would teach me that trick, colonely"
"It is very simple one" answered
the colonel. with a smile. "You see
these bits Of bamboo were all the same
length, but the thief fearing to get the
longest piece, bit off the end Of his, just
as had expected he would, and that Is
how ! knew him."
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30
NEW GOODS,
NeWGOOdS

The undersigned has returned from
The city and finished opening a thor
ough and complete line Of goods, VIZ;
Dry Goods, Notions, Straw Goods,
fine Boots, fine and coarse Shoes, to
suit all ages, nice line of Mating,
good Rae Carpet at special bargain,
summer stock of Ready-made Cloth
iur cane and wood seat Rocking
Chairs; Bedsteads, Cots, Tables,
Safes. c.. Queensware, StOneware,
Hardware, Woodenware, Tinware,
Groceries, Confections, Drugs, Patent
Medicines, Paints, Oils, Essences,
Soaps. Tobacco, Cigars, &C., &c.-all
of which have been bought at the
lowest cash price and will sell at clos
est living profit. Country Produce
taken in exchange at full market
price. also old iron and bones. Wool
bought for cash at highest market
price. An examination Of goods and
prices solicited.
Respectfully, ,,D
Duthclds. May IS, 1887.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30
Hugging and Embracing.

Hugging is comparatively modern
institution.
Our ancestors never hugged. They
calmly and demurely embraced.
There's big difference between hug
and an embrace.
The hug is an earnest, quick, impetu-
Gus contraction of the muscles OF the
arms and chest when the object to be
hugged lies within the circle bound by
the arms, while the chest is the goal or
final point Of the hug. The warmth of
the hug is determined by the extent OF
the muscular attraction. But the hug
is not, as anatOmists assert, terminated
when The object is brought in contact
with the chest. On the contrary, the
sweeping in is but the shell OF the ope-
ration.
The kernel is reached when the space
between the hugger and the huggee is
annihiIated, aud the blade of Il knife
could scarcely be inserted between the
two surfaces. This is. perhaps, the
most dangerous stage of the operation.
A pound, nay, a few ounces of extra
pressure, may result, If not in the dis
placement of rib, at least in the burst.
ing Of a corset-string, with the almost
inevitable destruction Of bangs, mon
tagues, waves, puffs and such like head
gear.
The release, if not skillfully managed,
is attended with danger. and should be
as gradual as the elementary pressure.
Expressions of anguish on the part of
the buggee may, as rule, be regarded
AS hypocritical, and should have no
effect in inducing the hugger to dimin-
ish the pressure. In like manner all
danger signals in regard TO thirG party
Oh the scene should be investigated by
the party of the first part before receiv-
iEg the attention the genuine arrival OF
a parent or guardian might command.
This may be done by quick glance
over the shoulder, and this rapid change
of the direction OF the head may be
accomplished by little practice with
out making any relaxation OF pressure
necessary.
II the warning should prove to be
without foundation, the deceit may be
punished by from :wo to three pounds
OF additional pressure, but so gradual
that none Of the ornaments Of the per-
son hugged may suffer. These little
accidents ruffle the temper and embitter
the memory of the operation. The small
affairs of the toilet are not accomplished
easily, and the female mind is rufiled
by the destruction of the laborious em-
bellishments of the morning hour.
The embrace is merely the throwing
out and partial contraction Of the rms,
without any special attention TO an OBJ
jective point.
Near relatives should be embraced
and not hugged. An especially young
and pretty aunt may be excepted, and
cases are known where an extremely
juvenile and good-looking step mother
has been the occasion of the merging of
the embrace into the hug. But this is
rarely done, particularly If the cmbracer
is dependent on the purse of the old man
for the necessities as well as the luxu-
ries OF life.
To embrace mother-in-law is hol-
low mockery, and should be attempted
only when some important object has to
be attained, and even then it is hardly
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30
I WONDER.

wonder when that day will be,
When Death shall come TO tell to me
The Story that we all must hear?
When, with the silence drawing near
| feel my hold on earth so weak
My pale lips have no power to speak
OF anguish or OF ecstacy.
All, lowly house the grasses under,
When will ye ope TO welcome me
Your silent guest to be, wonder?
l wonder If it will be spring,
When DER my head the birds will sing
Their first sweet song not set to words?
And which of all the many birds
VIII be the first to carol there,
When l, forever done with care,
Just like child tired out at play,
Sleep all the night and all the day
SO peacefully my green roof under,
VIII 1t be autumn-time or May,
Winter or summertime, wonder?
/ wonder If shall be glad
To leave the pain long have had?
Or If from friends who love me so,
But with reluctance | shall go?
Go out upon that journey long
SO voiceless shall sing no song,
All, chain of life's fair warp and woof
When will your bright links drop asun
der?
When will l sleep beneath the roof
Thatched with the viOlets, wonder?
Helen 4. MdHritie.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30

Jack-Ethel, am ashamed Of you. ]
saw that Frenchman IN the conservatory
kissing you repeatedly. Why didn't you
tell him to stop!
Ethel couldn't, Jack.
Jack-You couldn't? Why not:
Ethel-I can't speak French.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30

"Litile boy" said country minister,
who was on his way 10 church. "whst
do you suppose your father would aay
IL he should ind you here dshing - tie
Sabbath day?" SIX
"Hed ask me wot luck I wss havIn',
replied the boy.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30
"DOn't You DO IL -

No matter If the Updegraffs store is out of
the way. No matter If 1T costs you days
travel and some expense TO reach 1t, we pre-
dict that the information gained in thor
oughly examining the goods and prices In this
store will amply repay your expenses and
time, 10 say nothing of the money saved In
making your purchases, We repeat, when
you are ready to buy anything or everything
people wear, fine, medium or common
quality, don't you do ii until you have care
fully examined the goods and prices in the
Updegraff stores at Hagerstown, Md.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30

Thirty millions Of cucumbers for
pickles are raised in Fredericksburg,
Va. Fredericksburg got a reputation
for being an unhealthy spot about
twenty-five years ago.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30

It is said that snake will wiggle and
show signs Of vitality long time with
out any head. The dude will do the
same thing without any brains.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30

Before marriage the question girl
asks her lover most often is: "Do you
really love me:" After marriage the
query becomes, SIS my hat on straight"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30

There are only two beautiful things
in the world-women and roses; and
only two sweet things-women and
melons, MdHerbe.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30
TRUNKS AND VALISES

that has ever been brought to this town. In
fact. everything that is kept in a flrst-class
clothing store you Will find right here. one
word more and am done, and that is this.
that every fair minded person will be ready
to admit that my Spring Stock is not only
stylish but well chosen and exceedingly fair
and reasonable in prices. With many thanks
to all of my friends and customers for their
past faVors and with strict attention to busi-
ness in the future, hope 10 gain continu-
ance OF the same. Remember the old stand,
College Square. ....,
JACOB WINTERMOYER.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30
DOn't XOu DO It.

Very few people can afford to part with
their money for anything less than its full
value. Until you have thoroughly investi-
gated the sources of supply and know where
To get the most for your money, IT is not wise
to let II slip out of your pockets into other
peoples pockets. Many people part with
their money without proper care or thought,
but don't YOU do it,"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30
FOR SALE.
J. S. FLEMING, Notary Public.

WILL take acknowledgements Of Deeds,
w Power of Attorney, Afiidavits, Deposi-
tions, and attend to all business connected
with the office.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30
Everything

is a big word in store keeping. 10 keep every
thing men, women and children wear Except
ladies hats Of the finer medium and common
grades, means something big. If the readers
will walk down one aisle and up the other in
the Updegraffs stoI es, a distance OF four hum
dred and forty feet, looking at the piles OF
goods on each side, and read the black
boards, telling what they are and the prices
at which they are sold, they will naturally
conclude that here is the place to find every
thing and anything that people wear at the
lowest prices, and that the advice given don't
you buy until you examine them Is worthy
of their time and attention.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-09-30
Custom and Law

money to get clothing. With the present
low prices for farm products and labor, IL is
just as much ones duty 10 buy where they
can get the most and best for their money, as
1t is to labor or till the soil, in order TO get
money with which to supply their wants.
Some people are foolish enough to think and
act otherwise but don't YOU do 1t"