Morning journal and courier., 1887-12-01
CONFIRMED.

The rumor that Mr.. Cleveland has de-
mauded his own resignation on the ground
of offensive partisanship in the late elections
| lacks con6rmation.-Life.
''I'm going to leave, mum!"
'What for? am sure have done all the
work myself in order to keep girl"
"Well, mum. ther works not done to suit
me. Puck.
Bobby-"Ma,i is it wicked to say dab id'?'
Mother-'There are no such words Bobby,
as dab i'd" Bobby-"Well, heard pa say
'em this morning when he took his medicine
for his cold. Epoch.
"I think, Mr.. Smith" said friend of the
family, "that your poor wife looked SO lovely
as she lay there at rest at last" eyes," re-
piled the bereaved husband, "Mary always
did look we'll in white. Epoch.
that's all settled, darling, what kind of an
engagement ring would you likes" She-"Oh,
gold this time, I hope, dearest. I'm quite
sick of wearing imitation engagement rings"
Tableau!-Punch.
Omaha wife-"What under the sun are
you doing?' Husband-ssTrying to tie this
string around my finger" why. did not
ask you to do any errand.' "No. This
string is to remind me that have nothing to
remember to-day. Omaha World.
overwhelmingly am feeling very blue
this morning" Doctor-"What's the mat
te1?' s'Every time feel my nose it hurts
me-" ''But you are not obliged to feel your
nose" "But how can tell whether it hurts
unless I feel it?"-From the German, in
Texas Siftings.
Hanley (who has entered the undertaken 9
by mistake, thinking that it is the piano
Dealers next door)-"I want something nice
in the upright style. What have you gota'
Undertaken (nonplussed but cool Excuse
| me, sir; are you going to bury the deceased
| in wella'-Judge.
First Anarehist--Now we have got out into
| the suburbs away from the police; let's un-
| furl our red flag.
Second Anarchist-No. no, don't; we'll be
| killed.
s'Eh! What's the matter?"
'tThere's bull in that lot. Omaha Her
| aid.
There are two very angry country ladies in
| New York tonight. They had come to visit
| a rather penurious relative, VINO this morning
presented them with a little red-covered
/ guide book with the legend, ''The way to see
| New York in half yeur intended time" in
scribed in gold letters across the frontisplece.
Hartford Courant.
Father Crying to read the paper)-What
| was that awful racket in the hall just now?
Mother-One of the children fell down the
stairs.
| Father Grascibly)-Well, you tell those
children that if they cannot fall down stairs
quietly they won't be allowed to fall down
| them at all.-New York Sun.
Young wife (at dinner table, sobbing)-"
| think-you-you-are just as mean as-ai
YOU can be- made that-that apple dump
ling as pleasant surprise for you, and now
and now-you-want me to bring handssv
| to--cut it in two with" Young Husband
"Good heavens, Maria Is that dumping
1 took it for cocoanut. with desperat
frmness) I'll eat it now if it kills me-
Chicago Tribune.
''My young friend" said the solemn pas
senger, as the young man wiped his lips AM
returned the bottle to his valise, 'it is be
yond my comprehension how anyone can fin'
pleasure or qualification in drink of whisk.
such as you have just imbibed."
eyes, SIR" responded the young man
sand there are thousands like you. A singl
drink is no good; they want a load. But
believe in moderation. New York Sun.