davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1887-04-28
THE FARMERS WIFE.
An Ohio Agriculturist Introduces a Novel
Subject at His Club.


Subject at His Club.
Following is brief report of an adj
dress made at farmers club The
subject is one not usually discussed at
agricultural clubs, but worthy of con-
sideration by big majority of farmers.
One often hears famers discussing
the raising of potatoes, colts or
calves, but did you ever hear group
of farmers discuss wife culturep
Have they a more valuable CROP?
Have they one to which they, as
a rule, give SO little thought?
Much of the neglect of their wives is
from mere thoughtlessness. Still many
men do not know, or do not care, how
much good little time spent fixing
up around the house will do their wives.
The refining influence on children of
a clean lawn, nice walks and flowers
about the house is very great, to say
nothing of the comfort and pleasure
these will give the good wife.
To renovate an old yard, plow it
early in the spring. This may be done
very early in the spring, while it is yet
too wet to work in the field, and the
time thus spent would not be missed.
Harrow, roll and SOW to blue grass,
with little timothy. By fall there
will be little grass, and by the next
spring it will be ready for the light
running lawn-mower, which can be
bought for from five to six dollars
The children will think it pleasure to
NOW grass this way and will take a
pride in keeping the lawn in good con-
dition. The next spring lay out walks
by cutting out the sod and filling with
gravel or tan-bark. A few flowers
here and there do not cost much, and
even if they do, were you not willing
and even anxious to spend something
for this same woman when you were
counting herP Many men do not exert
themselves to please their wives as
they did their sweethearts. The money
spent for these improvements would
have seemed little then.
Farmers, having well kept drains
about the house, have a slop barrel on
wheels which can be taken from place
to place and tipped up and kept sweet
by being scalded out on wash day; have
well-aired kitchen for summer, with
porch to wash and iron on-the wife
should be as near out of doors as pos
sible CURING this season; have door and
window screens, pump on the porch
or in the kitchen, oil stove, patent
churn, carpet sweeper, etc. All
this will cost something; but don't
you have improved machinery? Don't
she earn and deserve itp
Make some preparations for bathing
for yourself and men. Refinement is
as necessary on the farm as in the city.
To be farmer it is not necessary to
be a mere clodhopper. To take bath
every summer evening may be some
trouble, but it will pay in dollars and
cents, by the capacity you will feel for
work next day, and you will do more
in nine and half hours than you
otherwise would in ten. Moreover,
think of the pleasure and comfort this
will give your wife. If you do not
think it will please your wife, ask the
opinion of the first farmers wife you
meet,-N. Duer, in N. Y. World.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1887-04-28
STEALING A SERMON.
How Wise Rabbi Cleverly Outwitted Hi
Dishonest Competition.

DISHONEST Competitors.
Ephraim Ben Gamliel and Menasseh
Ben Izchak were two Israelites on their
way to present themselves as candi-
dates for the exalted position of rabbi
of the town of Berditchov, unknown to
each other. The same set of curious
chances which brought them together
at the same kretchene or inn also allot-
ted them two rooms adjoining each
other, and divided only by a thin
wooden partition.
Night came. All the inmates of the
inn retired to rest Not so, however,
Menasseh. As soon as every thing was
quiet he Lit his candle and commenced
rehearsing his specimen sermon. Our
friend Ephraim was soon awakened by
the sound of his voice, and in few
moments grasped the situation-name-
ly, that the other was a rival. He
listened, and found, to his chagrin,
that the others sermon was far
superior to his own. This was very
unpleasant, and he meditated deeply
on what ne should do. At last he hit
upon plan. He very silently got up,
lit his candle, took pen. ink and pa
per, seated himself, and wrote down
his rivals words verbatim as he ut
tered them. When he had completed
this task he silently returned to his
couch.
No sooner had the day dawned than
he was up and off on his journey to
Berditchov, arriving there several hours
before Menasseh. Sabbath came. The
synagoge was crammed with CRITICS.
ing audience, among them all the
learned men of the town-for was
there not going to be grand display
Of Talmudical knowledge and wise
sayings !?
First come, first served. Ephraim
had presented himself first, and he was
entitled to the first chance. He
mounted the pulpit and gave forth a
discourse-the one he had copied from
Menasseh. This was his little plan. He
thought, certainly, that his rival, de-
prived of his prepared sermon. and not
having another to replace it, would
leave the field to him. He was, how
ever, mistaken. Mennasseh was GER
tainly surprised at first to hear his own
composition recited by another, but he
determined to outwit the other. Ac-
cordingly, when his turn came he calmly
occupied the place just left by Ephraim.
and in clear voice repeated the SER
nd \ just delivered-word for word
which was very easy matter for him.
it being his own. The congregation
was dumbfounded. A man to repeat a
long sermon. word for word. at q
moments notice-marvelous!
A rabbi with such prodigious mem
ory must indeed be a genius. Now.
brethren" said he, ''you have seen
one part of my talent; l will now
preach to YOU" But the audience
would not hear any more. They had
had enough proof to convince them
that he was fit for the post, and elected
him on the spot unanimously, much tc
the discontinue Of the other Chris
tian onion,
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1887-04-28
Uninterested Kindness.

Friend-l have brought you few
slices of ham.
Poor Neighbor-Ah! How kind you
are.
don't mention it. 1t is really a
pleasure for me to show you any little
attention.
"Well, l appreciate your kindness
| assure you of that"
"As l said before, l am only too
glad to be able to accommodate you.
The slices are cut from ham that was
given us. By the way, if you dis
cover any symptoms of trichina in your
family, after you have tried the ham,
you viii let us know, please We are
not going to eat of it until we hear
from you.-Tszas Siftinas-
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1887-04-28
! KNOW NOT.

KNOW not when, on the heaven-blue sea.
inc boat OF Death shall be launched for me.
when the heart shall falter, the brain sbal,
reel,
Ana the active fingers cease to feel;
But know sometime, on the other shore
Tne Dark shall be anchored for evermore.
know not how the change shall be,
through what black waves OF misery,
what clouds shall gather, or storm-wayes heat
Ere the outward voyage shall be complete:
But know when the pain OF the voyage Is DER.
shall pass through the tempest neyermore.
know not why I am waiting here,
Ana what shall be doth not yet APPEAR
But know sometime the Lord shall CALL
without whose notice no birdlings fall
AND In pain or pleasure, toll or rest,
shall be as His wisdom seeth best
-Lura Bell, in Good Housekeenino.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1887-04-28
ODD COLLECTIONS.
The Laughable Eccentrlcities of a Number
of Celebrated Collectors.

OF Celebrated Collectors.
Certain people who have a mania
for making collections do not contine
their attention merely to articles of in
terest and value. M. Maze-Sencier has
recently published guide for the BEN
eft of those who wish to collect
china, furniture, books and relics of all
kinds, but the volume is chiefly inter-
esting on account of the vast amount
of information it contains in regard to
celebrated collectors and their eccen-
tricities.
One lady is mentioned who collected
nothing but knitting and crochet
needles, and another who has brought
together many hundreds of corset
busks. Some of these busks belonged
to Marie Antoinette, Madame de Stael,
the Empress Josephine and Queen
Christina of Sweden. One gentleman
has vast collection of buttons, among
which are numerous specimens bearing
portraits of men and women who
played leading parts in the French
revolution. Another enthusiast pays
high prices for old gloves, and has thus
managed to secure personal relics of
all the great beauties of the last two
centuries and half A third collects
wigs, and considers himself very fort
unate in possessing one which had been
worn by Sterne, and another which
once graced the head of Emmanuel
Kant. The late Lord Beaconsfield had
fine collection of pipes.
OF somewhat more remunerative
nature is a mania which has recently
become popular in economical Ger
many. This is the collection of old
and faded photographs, which are pur-
chased by refiners, for the sake of the
silver they contain. 1t is needless to
say that the making of fortune by
such means would be long and
laborious process. r. Youths Companion.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1887-04-28
Much Later Than That.

In the hotel parlor, eleven p. m.
Have you any idea what time it
is?" he asked after he had talked
her to sleep three or four times and
walked her up as often by laughing
boisterously at his own brilliant ebul-
litions of wit, humor and burlesque.
REALLY l haven't" she replied,
wearily.
1T certainly must be time l was
going home he continued. as he
made a move in the right direction.
"Oh, I'm sure it is very much later
than that, she said, sweetly and in .
nocently, and then he went away with
hideous suspicion in his manly
bosom. Washington Critic.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1887-04-28

Rev. George Grenfell, of the En-
glish Baptist Mission on. the Congo.
has been elected a Fellow of the Roval
Geographical Society of England. in
recognition of his services to science
by his exploration of the upper Congo
basin.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1887-04-28

IL see that some newspaper men
have formed club and called it the
Homeless Club, remarked Robinson.
Does that mean that they have no
honest" NO." replied Lighthead;
''it only means that they will be home
less than ever now."-N. Y. Sun.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1887-04-28

In the Scottish United Presbyterian
Mission. in Northern Corea, there have
been about one hundred recent CONVEX
sions, and the work is rapidly advanc-
ing.
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1887-04-28

Mary Anderson says she will not
marry until she leaves the stage, and
she won't leave the stage until old age
compels her to.-N, 7, Aail,
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1887-04-28

-Countryman = what have you
got?' WATERFALL the delicacies Of
the season" Countryman = "Weli.
bring me 8 plate of pancakes. It'd
Bus,
Savannah courier. (Savannah, Tenn.) 1885-1979, 1887-04-28
HUMOROUS.

-"There's woman at the bottom of
it," as the man said when his wife fell
into well.-HarJord Sunday Journal.
-Harper's Bazar has a poem writ
ten by BILLY Patterson. Will the
gentleman who struck Billy Patterson
please hit him again P-Puck.
He Cat Boston musicale) ;-"What
a glorious Interpretation. She Ga Chi
cago young woman) :-"Yes, Mr..
Waldo, | call that good nddling. -
Hdrper's Bazaar.
Henry" asked the fond wife of
her sick husband, "would you not like
to see somebody P" and he family re-
sponded, "No, I'm not see sick. v
~ Y. Commercial Bulletin.
First Connoisseur- "There is GER
tain ingenuousness about the picture
that l admire exceedingly" Second
Connoisseur-"It is certainly artless,
if that's what you mean. ."-Tid-Bits.
-Bertie-"Pa, who's that picture
off" Pa-"Father Time, with his
scythe" f." Bertie-"But, pa, he's nearly
bald" Pa-"Yes; most old gentle
men are" Bertie-"But, say, pa,
thought Time had forelock. ~ It'd
Bits.
What is an affair 'du ceur,'
papap" said the small boy who had
been endeavoring to read the daily
paper THAT must be new name for
dog-fght," said the old gentleman
as he reached for the paper.-BoSton
Bulletin.
-"Heavens! Look there" "Wherep"
"There-that messenger boy running"
"Sh-h It's his regular meal time.
But you mustn't make so much fuss
about it, or people will think you are
an escaped humorlst. "-Pittsb,rgh Dis
patch.
Mamma" exclaimed little Mabel
McSwilligen, "you said they had
measles at McCorkle's. Well, l was
there, and looked all around and
didn't see single measle." Conster-
nation of Mabels mother.-Pittsburgb
| Chronicle.
IL am going to become mission
nary" she said, as she gazed at him
with why-don't-he-ask-me-to-marry-
him expression on her face. Looking
down upon her, he replied: don't
you think you had better begin on
he-thenP" They were married in the
spring under the spreading chestnut
trees.-N. Y. Ledger.
Mrs. Fishwhacker has born sense
of the ridiculous, but she is not con-
sidered good story-teiler. She essayed
the other evening to repeat the witty
remark, that Canada should not laugh
at our navy, because it is nothing to
laugh at, with this result: "C~-ada
hadn't oughter laugh at our nanesl, e
cause it amt no laughing matter.'N,
Oliver Wendell Holmes once per-
petrated an atrocious pun when asking
Abraham Lincoln to respond to a
toast at a small impromptu dinner.
All the gentlemen were in dress suits
except the distinguished guest, whose
first words were: 81 make the same
plea, gentlemen. in extenuation of my
dress as I do of that joke you have Just
heard: il is Holmes 'pun.r
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1887-12-09
THE MARKETS.
BALTIMORs CATTLE MARKET, |
Dec /, 1897.

~ . 4
Dec I. 1897,
Cattle are cold at these figures live weight.
Uogs are sold at net weight, that IL 20 per
cent!grperaliy) jon from live weight. Sheep
are coli gross. tha, is live weight. o. C. 9TH
iog %.
Prices Ct Beef Cattle this week ranged a.
follows: Best Bseves at 4 l2}as4 62l. those
generally rated 6rst quality 75sS4 90 me
dunn OF good fair quality 275i$3 IS, and
ordinary thin s,eers Oxen and cows, z l23.
81 ga per loo lbs.
OF the Cattle received 752 came from
Virginia 33s from West Virginia. is3 from
Maryland, 4ol from Ohio, ss8 from Ken
lucky. 2s' from Indiana, aud and leo from
lltinois. Total receipts for the past week
26e3 seainst 1887 last week, and 245o same
time last yesr.
or :hs offerings 527 were tsken by the Bal
timore bu cLers. 442 by country dealers. ind
90 sold TO K stern sre1ulstors. Total sales
for The week go against 723 last week,
and s3l ssDss time las, year.
SHEEP AND LAMBS .-Theie 10 a fair increase
in the receipts this week (about 1000 head }
over TIE limited Offering last Thursday ,
ret The run was considered light and prices
in consequence were a shade better. There
is a fair trade prevailing 10 all the ysrds.
We quote butchers Sheep al 3s4t cents,
with few extra at Al cents, and Lambs at
33a52 cent?, Per III gross. stock Sheep are
quoted at 50aS3 co per head. Receipts
this week OF sheep AMI I.aub, were 2.63s
head.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1887-12-09
Telegraphic Cundensations.

a bronze statue TO the late Pre.i.
dent Garfield was unvei!e, in CIncin
natl on Thursday Of last week I'm The
presence OF 1000 people.
Henry 5. Ives. the youthful ma
poleon OF Finance" OF New York.
whose failure at ~ years Of age for
$50. 100000 some months ago causad
such na'ionsl sensation, is to he
prosecu' ed on the charge Of uniaw
fully converting to bis own use $780,.
OO0 worth Of railroad securities which
be controlled.
The finances Of The Baltimore and
Ohio Company are being placed IN a
satisfaci DRY condition, and il is evi.
dent that The worst of its troubles
are over. 1t is said that the CARROTS
IRE determined to regain control of
the real.
Baltimore offers big wipwan.
centrally located, for the accommo
datio1 OF either the democratic or re.
publican national convention,
The Methodist Book Concern nnj
The Methodist Missionary Society
have purchased for $3.50 ,0O0 a plot of
land in New York city fronting ~
feet on the west side Of Fifth avenue,
between Nineteenth and Tw ntieth
streets. and 10 feet deep, on which
will be erected n handsc me building
covering the entire area. The head
quarters Of the book concern and mis-.
sionary 81 cety will be situated there.
Bradstreets cot,or-orop report
SAYS the estimated Weld the present
season is 6,l50,000 bales. VII eli Il
lower by $4,000 bales tran the CON-
mercill crop Of 1867, but is lar
ger by 5000 bales than the esIima.
ted actual production OF that year.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1887-12-09
IHEINTELLIGENCER
FRIDAY. DECEMBER Q. 1887
CONGRESS.

The FIRST SESSION of the Fifie,h
Congress opened at noon Monday.
10 tie Senate all the newly elected
Senstors were sworn In except Mr..
Faulkner Of this State. Ia his
case Mr.. II par objec,c,: for the time
being TO administering the oath, bu,
gave assurance that the committee
on elec'io ms would give pr ompt at
tent'on TO the West Virgins case,
IN order that the gentleman entitled
to the seat may enter upon the dis.
charge OF bis duties as Senator. In
the House. the democratic caucus
nominees for the various offices we're
elected. and Speaker Carlisle deliv.
cred an appropriate address. Com.
mlttees wero appointed in both hous
es to wait upon the President and
no'i'y him Of the organization If
Congress. The protest of Dani.l
Is. Lucas against the administration
of the oath Of Office to Charles Jane,
= '"""Ss 80 OSuotot IiOu w GSt ITs
GINA was placed before the Senate.
The grounds The protest are First
iha. the executive Of the State of
West Virginia has not certified the
election cf Charles j. Faulkner un-
der .he seal OF state, as required by
oct OF Congress; second. for reasons
Get ont in the brief Of -. Is. Lucas. a
copy of which accompanied the pro-
test third because Charles James
Fankner WAS st the time and date If
his alleged election, en- the 9Th Of
May, 1887 a judge of the thirteeath
Judic'al dist let nf this State, and
therefore ineligible to tho Office OF
Senator. The protest was laid on
the table and ordered tn be printed
in the Record. The privileges of
the floor were given Mr.. Faulkner
pending the decision OF the contest.
ar. Harris presented a memorial for
-fi'utional amend ment pr ohib
ing The mann lecture, sale. impor-
tation expectation Or ttanspoytat, on
Q! alcoholic drinks In the United
States. Referred.
The Presidents message was cent
to Congress on Tue sd ".
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1887-12-09
West Virginia and Vicinity.
Our State capitsl, Charleston, has
4 population OF IL GOO.


Our State Capitsi, Charleston. has
a population OF IL. 600.
Young Mowry, Of Calhoun county.
Who vas recently released from tie
Penttentiars, committed suicide few
days ago by shooting himself with a
rife. tie quarreled 9th his father,
and remarked uiterward that this Wa
q hard world to live in and he .ssu-as-
Ell he would kill himself and go 10 ha-
des and Try it there
Whiic hunting rear Davis on We'd.
nesdsv OF last week. Nosh Bower was
fatally shot by his friend John Cess
ns, who mis'ook him for deer. Both
men were from Indiana county Ps.
aud had taken hunting. trips together
t1k sixieen years. Boyer's clothing
vss about the color Of deer. He
lived IL hours. in which time he maize
a will. leaving all his property to
Cessna. The iat,efs distress over
The occurrence can De Unsigned.
The west Virginia State Grange =.
of H., met in annual scssion st AL
derson. Monroe county November 23.
There WIS quite large turnout OF
members, aud q large amount of bu.
siness OF importance to the order was
transacted. Considerable progress
has been made in advancing Ora nge
interests since the last annual meet
ing. The STATE Grange and the or,er
through the State are in a better and
more prosperous condition than for,
several years past. The aession was.
very harmonious ons, snd se,ectrd
Martinsburg as the plsce. and the first
wednesday in December, 1888, as the
time for the next annual meeting.
Piedmont Herald: We understand
thst several young la,'ies Of our town
have banded together for the.purpoee
OF forming Ladies' Brass Band.
Petersburg Gaze't Mrs. Phoebe
Loneh, wife of Isaac J. Louph, Of Up.
per Tract, nc idehtaliv exploded a
dynamite cartridge on Friday last, by
sweeping 1t into tho fire place. She
was pretty bauly cut about the ne ok,
isce and arm. Her injuries ere no.
serious.
A great wolf hum, in which 100
men participated. took place Nov. so
at the head of Red Creek. 1t was
intended to clean out gang OF nine
wolves known to to in vast thickes
10 miles long on the Allcgany noun.
tain. The chase was In three coun.
ties-Gran', Pendieion ard Ran
do'ph.
We have no.. rs yet, learned the
result Of tho hunt.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1887-12-09
WHAT An I TO DO p

The % mptoms Of Biliousness are unlIappi.
~ but too veil k1owu. They differ 10 diF-
erent individuals TO some extent. A Bill
ious man is teldom breakfast eater. Too
frequently, alss. he has an excellent appetite
for liquids but none for solids Of a morning
HE tongue will hardly bear inspection ct an '
time: II It is not white and furred, IL is
rough, at at ~ ents
The digestive system is wholly out OF O..
DER snd ptsrrhes or Constipation msy be =
symptom or the two nay alternate. There
are often Hemorrhoids OF even loss Of blood
There may be Riddioess and often hevdache
and scidity or hatulence and tenderness in
the pit OF the tomach. To correct all this
u not effect cure try GRsEss AUeusr
FLowER costs but triAle snd thousand
test lie efficacy.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1887-12-09
A Novel Bet.

While am not betting man said FL
Cheney OF the firm Of r. j. Cheney h Co.. I
considered il my religious duty to make that
fellow bet. you see he was about dead and
guess he would Of died before Spring If
nah not ct got him on the bet ou know
some men had rather lose their life than
rose hundred, vel he was one OF that kind.
ana we both came near being out but
sA,ed my hundred and II only cost him ten
dollars. How's that? He sent for me one
day aud said the doctors had all p,,eu him
up 10 die, with the cstsr.h. told him thu;
J would bet him 500 that Halle Ca,arrh
Cure would cure him or would give him
SiO0 II IL faied. lie took the latter prcposi .
non. This vas three months ago /; you see
how he looks now, don't you, ss wei as snv
one. and dandy .-Americap Toledo. Ohio.