News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-02-17
AVOTHER LOAD.

1
club: I've (hic) got anuzzer load,
| Jessie.
Disguised Wife: No, John, you are
mistaken.
P. H.; Mistaken! Zen (hic) I'm all
right.
d. W.: No, John. But you haven't
got another load You've never lost the
one you got the day after We were mar
ried.
SURPRISED.
Miss Dora (who has suffered disloca-
had died before you came-wouldn't l
have been a crippled angel p
Doctor. "Oh, you could have been
doctored in heaven"
Miss Dora Gn surprise). "Why, do
doctors go to heaven 2''--HarPer's BG-
zar,
W wIFE 1T.
SIS it correct to say 4 put up at the
x hotel p" inquired one travelling
man of another.
"No."
"A hat ought I to say 9'
81 put up with the X hotel would
be about the thing. ."-MercAant IraU-
eler.
NO USE FOR PENNIES.
Eastern Man: Is it possible that you
folks do not use pennies in the v est
Western Man: Never see 'em at all
nothing smaller than nickels.
'Well, well. What do you do when
you go to church 2
EGNe don O,, 7y4 PIE
TINE FOR WINTER QUARTERS.
Customer lin restaurant). "Waiter,
isn't it strange that l should find several
flies in my soup ?'
Waiter somewhat amazed). 1T am
strange, for fac, fer dis season OBJ de
yeah"
ODDS AND ENDS.
Too EXACT people are apt to become
too eXacting.
WHEN we have a coal famine again
let's have it in the summer.
IF capital we're never extravagant
labor might be less comfortable.
SOMETIMES it is exceedingly hard to
tell where fraukness ends and impu-
dence begins.
THE man who wrecks a train is q
murderer. The man who wrecks
whole railroad, fnancier.
"YoU want moro exercise" "But,
doctor, I'm a postman." Then you
need rest join the police force"
THE man who tries to m ke a two
thousand-dollar salary fit four thou
sand-dollar outlay generally winds up
the experiment in foreign cline.
WLL1E-lIamma, you amt gong to
give all that chicken to Tommy are
you Mamma-No, W HE, dear; it is
for you. WiIlie-Oh, what little bit.
IT continues to be stylish for young
men, living on their fathers, to wear
coachmen's ulsters and to make the
world believe they are earning their
way.
AMAN out West rolled a pillow sham
up, and choked his scolding wife with
it. We have often wondered if those
! articles wouldn't some time have q use
or tRcnn.
MANY gentlemen in the front rows of
the orchestra remove their hair, as has
often been noticed, and it is no more
than fair that the ladies should remove
their hats
IF in instructing a child you are vexed
with it for want of adroitness try, if
you have never tried before, to write
with your left hand. and remember that
child is all left hand.
'Is HE young man of brains r. in
quired an old gentleman, respecting a
swell youth. "Well, really replied
his daughter, 81 have had no opportunity
of judging. never met him anywhere
else except in society"
A NEBRASKA CITY bachelor declares
that the girls out there are Sc. anxious to
get married that man $50 homely that
the reflection of his face will dent a
new milk pan, - can get a dozen offers
in day without asking.
FATHER-Tommy, you should try and
be better boy. You are our only child
and we expect you to he good. Tommy
1t amt my fault that l m your only
child. 1t is tough on me to be good for
lot of brothers and sisters l haven
got.
MEN are strange creatures. They will
NdSIG III uOuL huHllAlS u SOllAA DuJbOAl1
instead of having an extra supply and
letting their wives find the missing one.
You never see woman look for the pin
she drous. Her husband finds it when
he walks around in his bare feet.
''IN Bavaria no unmarried woman is
allowed to speak on the street to any of
her friends of the opposite sex, no mat
ter how well she may know them"
This is money in Bavaria young mans
pocket, when he meets three or four of
his lady friends in front of an ice cream
saloon.
"THIs coastlng is very dangerous,
said the te cher. 'Suppose half dozen
of you boys were shooting down a steep
hill on bob sled, and man should
drive into the road in q sleigh; how
could you get out of his way ~
"M ouldn't tryr' shouted all the good
boys in chorus, 1.-The man d git out o.
the way"
CTTHTnC NJ NTnNEEV