River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-05-26
COMIC sCINTILATIoNs.
EAsrERN And wrsrERN MoRALs.

COMIC sCINTILATIoNs.
EASTERN AND WESTERN MORALS.
Eastern political boss-''Siuce I've
been in Omaha I've seen BODYBUILDING
and other work going on Sunday.
Omaha man-''Yes; it can't be help
ed"
But libraries and places of amuse-
ment are open Sunday too.
Yes. Isn't it so in the East?n
''No, stree. We don't allow it. 1t
interferes too much with the saloons. :"
Omaha World;
SAME ONE.
A young lady had finally been per-
suaded to approach the piano, and she
was looking for the music of 1.-The Old
Oaken Bucket" when a tired-looking
old lady advanced and whispered;
"My dear, is this that same old song?"
"Yes'm."
"Same oaken bucket and well?"
"Yes'm.
..Same man comes up and draws
water?''
"Yes'm."
"Then excuse me, please. He was
my husband; it was our well; fell into
it one day and he was an hour and a
half pulling me out. Did it to spite me,
but he's dead now and don't want to
have the past recalled"
And she went upstairs to wait for
the well to run dry.-DetroH Free Press
EXTRA PHOTOGRAPHIC FACILITIES.
American beauty expect TO be
presented at the Queens drawing-room
next week and wish TO know if | can
arrange to have my picture taken here
in court dress after the reception?
London Photographers know at
what hour the receptions close and will
have everything in readiness for YOU.
You will be here yourself, of course?
| will be in the business Office when
you arrive. My wife will take your
portrait and female operators will print
it, so don't be uneasy.
BRoTHERLY AFFECTION.
Whats the matter with your eye,
Mickey" asked a gentleman whose
janitor came down to the Office looking
as if he had been run through Il bowld-
er crusher
That eye?" o, that's merely a little
mark of esteem put there by me broth
er."
"You and he seem to have it out
pretty often, and l notice that general
ly You get the worst of it.
"Yis. but don't moind that. He
always pays half the doctor-bill in the
koindest way We could imagine; and its
worth something to have rale, old
fashioned bout wild some one that ~
derstands the science. = Washington
Critic.
THE TABLES TURNED.
A tramp walked into a barroom, and,
holding up pear-shaped object in his
hand, said to the bartender:
"Gimmie drink or I'll explode this
bomb
YOU'RE going to fire that bomb, are
you?' said the bartender.
al am if you don't give me drink.
Then the bartender climbed over the
bar, and, taking the tramp by the col
lar and another portion of his apparel,
ran him to the door, and pitched him
head foremost into a snowdrift.
As the tramp was picking the snow
out of his ears and nostrils the barten-
der asked, with pleasant smile:
'What do you think of that in the
way of firing a bum? '-B0St0R Courier.
TIE LESSON WASTED.
Wife { witnessing the play. ten
Nights in Barroom") What a terri
curse rum is. John!
Husband Feeling for his hab -Aw- |
Such play as this ought !
to point a moral of incalculable good. |
Wife-Where are you going, John?
IIusband-l'm going out to see a man.
Life
WHERE THE FAULT LIES.
Rural Child-Mamma, its rainy and |
the almanac said to-day would be clear, |
Mamma-That medical almanac?
mo, the Farmers Almanac"
The ways of Providence are past
inding out. The weather gets wrong
Every once in awhile"
LIMIT TO ENDURANCE.
Two Arkansans engaged in CONVEX
;ation:
Say, Uncle Billy, you live in er
pretty tough neighborhood, don't yer?"
Putty tough, Sam putty tight on
Their slack"
"Do yer ever get in iights?"
mo fights"
"Whut do yeu do when a fellow calls
yer a liar?"
wall, think that mebbe he knows
more erbout it than | do, and jest let
he thing rock along"
"Yes. and spozen he calls yer or
,hief?'
"Wa'l. l jes think that mebbe he's
better posted thanI am"
"Spozen he calls you coward?"
81 wouldn't argy with him."
''Wa1l. spozen he'd say that yer
couldn't tell ther age NV er boss by
ookin' in his mouth?''
What! me not know Their age NV
,r boss? wy, Sam, eff er fellow wuz
-er say that, he'd have me ter whup
light there. Don't talk ter me. Sam,
lon't talk ter me, for it makes me mad |
.er think about it. - Tdma Herald.