Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1887-02-12

BILL NYE in A NEW ROLE.
His Capacity as a Will-maker Evinced by
Some Remarkable Legacies.

His Capacity as a Wtil-naker EVlncea by
Some Remarkable Legacies.
Mr.. Bill Nye is responsible for the follow
ing fond, parental epistle. 1t will be noted
| that he sets a shining example to other
men of means by submitting in advance an
outline of his proposed will Tor the consid-
Grafton Of his heirs:
HUDsoN Wis, January Goth.
My Dear Henry: This is dictated letter.
The thoughts are mine, but the penmanship
is that of man named Beasley, who is do
ing the chores for us this winter. My
reason for hiring a private secretary IS that
last Tuesday the strawberry-blonde shote
slumped through hole in the ice, and in
striving to rescue him from watery grave
| fell and broke one of my legs, just above
the fetlock.
Kind friends came from everywhere to
ask if it hurt much, and in thousand diff
ferent ways showed their gentle desire to
draw me into spirited conversation. A
doctor came down from the insanitarium to
set the leg and tied his horse to little
sugar-maple tree that l set out last spring.
When he puts in his bill for medical at
tendance he will be surprised to find an off
set of so cents for that tree. l may be
slightly crippled, but you can announce
in your valuable paper that there are no
flies on me to speak of.
While spread out here with nothing to
do my mind has been quite active, and l
have had drawn off for me the following
outlines of a will, which | send you in
closed herewith Please read and re-
turn" as it SAYS on the Bible rack on board
the cars
Know all men by these presents. that ],
the subscriber, being of sound mind and
realizing that | am now under the doctors
care, and, therefore, may be swept into
eternity any moment, do hereby make,
execute and publish this my last will and
testament firmly by these presents:
First hereby appoint my beloved
wife Henriette to be my sole executrix,
assignee and receiver of my entire estate,
with full powers TO pay taxes on said es-
state forever, and to have and hold the
same as long as grass grows and water
runs, together with such other and further
relief as the Court may adjudge.
Second-I hereby request that the red
horse Napoleon be sold and the proceeds
thereof used towards paying my funeral
expenses, provided that the sum of S25
therefrom be set aside for the purpose of
maintaining a large, aggressive bulldog,
whose duty it shall be to monkey DER my
lowiv grave until my dust shall be no use
to science. 1t is my desire that my exc
cutrix shall so maintain said bulldog here
inbefore set forth in order that pimply
Young medical students may not make too
free with all that is mortal of a superior
man. 1t is my special desire that no part
of nv economy shall contribute in any
wav to science or to the amusement of a
class of sore-eyed goslings, who cannot get
near enough 10 a live man to operate on
him.
desire to state also that l hope whatever
NAV be odd or eccentric or abnormal about
my formation may be generously allowed
to pull oblivion over itself and fade away.
l do not wish to be perpetuated In the form
of fatty tumor or osseous formation. Let
nv good deeds be my only monument.
Let the postmortem in my case be omitted
and the time be taken up in some other
way.
| request also that at my funeral the free
list be suspended, and that those only who
have a personal interest in the proceedings
be permitted TO take part. Persons who
make the funeral industry business, or
RELY upon it as a means of relaxation, are
requested to abstain from my funeral as a
personal favor to me.
! give and bequeath make over and pre-
sent to my beloved wife Henriette, all and
singular, my real and personal property
aside from said horse Napoleon, heretofore
enumerated and set aside for funeral pur-
poses, to have and to hold all said property
during her lifetime, and after that the said
real and personal property to pass to my
beloved son Henry, who is engaged in pub
fishing paper at two dollars per year. To
said beloved son Henry also bequeath all
my wardrobe. l have worn out his old
lawn tennis and polo clothes while he was
attending college, using his boating and
baseball suits for underclothing dur
ring the winter, and now that l
am about to pass on, | leave
my own clothing to him as slight testi-
mopial of my appreciation of his kindness
to me when l had no polo suit of my own.
l also direct that an obituary, consisting of
forty lines relative to me, be printed in my
sons paper eod6t, at ten cents per line, to
follow pure reading matter for which the
sum of twenty-four dollars will be found
in an old sock in my escrltore in the barn.
do not care for the obituary, but desire to
aid painting, struggling enterprise.
1t is also my desire that all my debts
contracted during life be paid up after my
death. My object in dying is not in any
way to evade the payment OF my debts.
| may add to this will, from time to time,
as anything good suggests itself. In the
meantime. let me hear from you ever and
anon. Tell US how you come on with your
new paper, and whether you have contrib
uted any more of your thumbs TO your
new JOB press or not. Respectfully: your
father, BILL NYE.