The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1887-04-02
WIT AND HUMoR.

many.
Capital punishmeEt-B Being Obliged
10 sit with the girls. Burlington Free
Press.
A genius In Troy has just invented "A
stove that saves three-quarters OF the
wood, while the ashes IL makes pays for
the remainder.-B Boston budget
..Is the czar about 10 striker asks au
exchange What's the matter with
Does he want two hours
day and 10 per cent raiseP hid
deiphia Cali
Look here, Joseph, have been ring
ing an hour, and you've only just
come" well. II I hadn't been here
now you might have rung good while
longer. ."-Judge.
why are you going into that dry
goods shop when there are so many
pretty girls on the streetP" my dear
boy. / find counter attraction in there.
Boston Budge..
..Whom shall our daughters marry9"
asks the Wondn's JourhdL. Well. dear. I
they might begin with a man. and II he /
don't answer they might try cigar
sign.-JerseU CITY Argus.
Al thought you were vegetarian,
and now | see you eating muttcn! b
-.Well, am only an indirect vege-
tarian-I eat the meat Of such animals
only as live on vegetable food '-Fl'e-
gende Blaetter.
Young Physician-'1 assure you
shall be able to cure you completely in
a very short time. indeed. possibly IN
day or two" Enamored Patient--'o.
there isn't the slightest hurry. i assure
Hdrper'S DdSar.
A travelling man from the East sprung
the following conundrum on a herad
/ reporter the other day: why is n
/ banana stand like the setting sum-
/ because the 'dago's' (day goes) with
/ It. "-St Joseph Herald.
i .Gracicusr' exclaimed a rural lady
with a surprised look at Bartholdfs big
statue, land is that the Goddess of Lab
ertvp Why. had no idea that she was
so much bigger than the rest of US wo-
men. "-korTtstoU "a Herald.
They were talking of the baby. Visit
orr think he'll take after his father.
Grandmother-O. dear mel hope not
Visitor (astonished) Why not, Mrs.
FIightyp Grandmother-Hi father is
in Canada LolreH citizen.
Now, Johnny. you remember that
4 3
salt because she turned and looked back
Why did she turn and look bick?' %.
$ pose some other woman passed her
with new dress on. HANDLER.
Scrap of conversation between two
ladies overheard on suburban train
few mornings since: $50 George is al
Harvard nowP" 20. yes; this is his
second year. you known; he has just
entered the sycamore class. ~ boston
. record
Candidate for Coroner-"Never mind
wife. when | get elected my fees vii
: buy us all the comforts of lie" Wife
4 but, John. suppose there are nj
4 sudden deathsP" Candidate for Ceronel
10. well. we won't look on the dark
$ side. - lid BITS.
: Gallant passenger (to fellow-passen
: ger) Will you please tell that woman
Q that she can have INV seatp Woman
Indignantly am not woman, sir
t j am "A lady Gallant passenger (bland
ly)-Not "A woman? Excuse my mistake
L -thtiadeiphiG CAL.
= ..Sue Fitzpercy has large amount o
|, airy persitlage." remarked the high
: AmyP" al noticed she had tremen
. know the dictionary word for it. -
= ttttsburq Chronicle Telegraph
a ..What have you been doing io-dayP
asked a young man of the idol of hi
cardiac region 1--we been watchin
q. mother darn clothes" replied the l,r,i,
and the Young man went off aud woI
. dered why her mother needed watchin
"A darn close.-Sdu f'ruuc,ScO Attd.
T. An unexpected comment; Pastor
..En I says again. brederin'. put M
be yoh trust in Kingsr Still small voiC
in congregation-"Ri yoh is. chill
er right yoh is Aces is bettah. n dat
he dc reason Use come ter chu'ch wivo
he no obercoat dis mawnin'. "-1td- BIT
Tx A Lynn clergyman relates that on OF
!, occasion after marrying couple Q
~ envelope was handed TO him which
20 supposed. of course. contained the ma
riage-fee. On opening it he found s.
of paper on which was written: "
desire your prayers. Lyon Mass
Item.
M M did you gain flesh by gong to I
,n no beach this year. GrantlyP Il di
70 70 indeed. Brownley; gained 125 pounds
he '.Pshawl ImpOssible?' Fact,
i he dear fellow. Come up to the bou
70; married last Sunday" - Charleston
rd Enterprise.
Git I'VE propose having game supI
NJ Mt our church next week. exclaimed
mo- splnster at the opera-house enterta
al9 ment the other night; ''now. what ki
,dY of game would you recommend
tes well. if you want to draw all the bo
iii suppose you try poker" calmly repl
no Joseph Pickle. .-E,mtrd Gazette.
of A small boy on his first appearar
lis. in a parish school at Rochester. n.
est was asked if he knew the Lords Pr
nd er. He replied that he had ne
he heard of it, whereupon an urchin at
scl- side, with a friendly desire to uxc
mt his ignorance, said to the teach
r." please. ma am, he's stranger fr
nth Pennsylvania"
his Smallbore-How did you manage
}. get the Common Council to grant
franchise? Aid. Anger = That '
simple enough. ! judlciously int
o" duced few bills, that was all. SIN
ohi bore-A few bills in the Common Co
NJ. cilp Auger = Yes, about twenty,
tne think Ten $1,000 and ten $500
York Graphic.
80" Nv u would like TO get my life insure'
nd your company" said an aged maj
tho nrasident of a life-insurance O.