The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-10-27
9tashes 1T Gnn.

from the country. Brown-Yes,s; the
melancholy days have come, the saddest
of the year."-Boston Budget. <C- y
"Bridget, you are never in the kitchen
when [ want you. How is it p
"Sure, num-, it's for the raison there's
no tellin' when you're a wantin' me-
The Epoch.
"Aren't you tired of this vacation, mar
asked a little felowe"I am tired of the
noise you make, that's all" "And I'm.
tired of the noise you make trying to stop
the noise I make" Honors were easy
Hartford Post. :"
"Come in, my poor man." said a beney-
client lady to a ragged tramp" and | will
give you something to eat. I suppose
Your life has been full of trials p
"Yis, mum; an the wust of it allswuz,
Iallus got convicted" -
'"Please sir, have you seen a gentleman
without a little girl? 2" r. ~~ -
aaa"WeIl, and what if I have, little one p
my Uncle John has lost me, and /
thouget if you'd seen a gentleman with
out a little girl, yon could tell me where
he was."-Harpers Young People.
Summer hotel manager-"I declare, I
don't know what I am going to do next
winter; the hotel hasn't paid me any,
thing" xt|iJE- .E-JE =!
Head waiter-"wel, if you get hard
up I'll give you a lift. It shan't be said
that there's no honor among thieves so
long as I have a dollar"
A boy was being examined as a witness
:. NJ, vor1, oo,,k Tlo -o;-4 ,-,ol 2
we'd was proving the date of an affray.
Lawyer-How do you know that the
fight occurred on Sunday? Because it
was the day l had to 60 to the side door
of the saloon for beer" "That settles it,"
remarked the judge.-Tsras Sytings.
Doctor: "Did you give the patient that
white powder at 10 O'Clock? Nurse:
eyes sir" Doctor: "And the liquid at
III" Nurse: "No, sir" Doctor: Didn't?
You rascal? I want it understood that
my orders are to be obeyed. Why did
you not give the liquid? Answer me-"
Nurse: "The patient died at 1905
Omaha World.
Briggs-"Tompkins has been talking
about you"
HAS he? The idiotic old liar! What
did he sayY"
"Why, he said you were the best look
ing man in the block"
"Wh-Oh, I see! Well, you know
Mr.. Tompkins was always conceded to
have a great deal of taste ."-Judge.
"Darling," he whispered, "did you
ever feel a futtering~ sensation of the heart
an inward sinking, so to speak"
g We 1oro - cLo ~o,,po,roI. Il
Because if you have, 1 know how to
prevent it, Up
"Oh, John, tell me howl"
"Why, just use plenty of pepper when
you eat green cucumbers. "-Arkansow
Traveller.
Customer (to tailor)-Do you make the
new style dress coat, designed to distin-
guish a gentleman from a waiter? Tailor
Yes, sir. Customer believe you may
take my measure. Tailor (taking his
measure)-Where may I have the pleas
ure of sending the coat, sir? Customer
The Hoffman. Tailor-You are a guest
there, I suppose, sir? Customer-No,
I'm one Of the walters.
Al see that in the preface to your
book you state it is written to fill a long
felt want"
B.-"Yes; and so it is"
"What do you mean by filling a long
felt want ?"
"What do I mean? Why, I've been
needing a square meal for the past two
years. Don't you call that a long-felt
a t?'-Sytings.
"What brought you to this place, my
friend? ?" inquired a visitor at the peniten-
tlary of a convict.
"A mere matter Of opinion got me
here, sir"
"Impossible!
"No, sir. I expressed the opinion that
l was innocent, and the jury expressed
the opinion that [ wasn't. It's a cold
world, sir.'-Life.
We ventured to ask a colored brother
last week if he thought it vas going to
rain. He eyed the clouded sky some
what blankly, and said: "De fac is, boss,
dis weather is got so free lately you can't
count on it for steddy work" Very cor
rect. Superauous freedom. either in the
weather or any other American citizen, is
not the best preparation for steady work.
DR.. Hatcher, in Baltimore Baptist.
A cheerful view, if not a strictly cor
rect one, is taken of a seeming misfortune
by a Texas paper, which observes: "It
Is a good thing that the cattle in Texas
are dying off, for when they die off they
decrease in number, when they decrease
in number they become more valuable,
when they become more valuable their
owner becomes weather.. Therefore it