West Virginia Democrat. [volume] (Charles Town, W. Va.) 1885-1890, 1887-06-17
BILL NYE'S RED PUP.
The Remarkable Animal Forwarded to
Him From California.
San Francisco Wasp.


dog with large ears and q small APP
petite was handed me by servant
in gray livery and yellow bag
slung over his shoulder. | was
grieved to learn that prosperity had
led you into such riotous style of
living, but trust that the general
howl for reform that rcverberaLes
over this broad dependency of the
Canadas just prior to every election
will not be wasted on you.
AS for the dog, l herewith forward,
postage paid, one incaruadine pup,
of the masculine gender, with wab
bly, legs, ample auricular attach
ments, q broad-gaage voice and a
tendency to outgrow the follies OF
his youth. Owing to the enforce
ment Of the Interstate Commerce
law 1 prevailed on him, as matter
o! economy. to leave the major por-
tion of his tail behind until rates
are lower A. sort of curtailment of
expenses, might say If you feel
that this'will cause any painful vac
uum in your life l will try and send
on the balance of the dog. The alb.
sence of his rudder may cause some
inconvenience at first. | noticed
before his departure that he could
not steer himself accurately, for
when | would sic him at large saw
back hog that comes to look at my
garden occasionally, he would make
a fierce charge and retrograde under
the house. l attribute this peculiar
phenomenon to an absence of tail;
but it may be presence of mind, as
this particular piece of pork is
somewhat aggressive.
The bald spots observable on his
cuticle are not hereditary, but grow
out Of canine condition known as
mango" and NANCY pup is some
thing that every humorist cannot
afford to rear. Accompanying the
animal yOu will at once discover
full assortment Of feas, indigenous
to the soil of California and the skin
of the dog. 1t is no use for you to
say that You did not order them, for
they 90 with the pup everywhere, in
fact are inseparable. The only way
to break the combination is to soak
the dog in coal oil and indame the
spirit of the oil with a match. or
kill the dog.
In the matter of appetite he is
easily pleased-will eat ordinary
grub, but is inclined to diet himself
on fine boots, kid gloves, silk stock
ings and any clothing that may
come within his sphere of action. 1t
may be necessary for you to 90 bare
footed until he outgrows this freak,
or you might avoid this alternative
by keeping such articles locked up
in a pup-proof safe.
Do not allow your proud and SEN
sitive spirit to be swept with storm
of woe and blasphemy if you come
home and find q round, compact roll
of red dog, with muddy feet, in the
middle of your snow white couch,
for he can be broken Of this habit.
There are two remedies. Either give
your bed to the poor and sleep in
the hay-mow, or sever the bOny SUBJ
stance that connects the pups head
with his body. The latter treatment
is probably the best. The animal is
a pointer. You will find by count
ing the angles and protuberances on
his frame that he is purer pointer
dog than can be discovered by
a long and earnest search through
out your town. He will be found
very much attached to home, that is
if you take the precaution to connect
him with dog chain and house
that has 4 firm foundation. AS 4
watch dog he is success. have
known him to stand with his nose
through the picket fence and watch
q majolica-ware dog in neighbors
yard for four mortal hours and never
At certain seasons of the
year he will leave home for few
days; but do not be alarmed, fer he
will come back again with ruinOus
q heart broken look, and
try to square the matter with you
by bringing few pieces of tinware
attached to his rudimentary tail. l
hope you have a moon in that baili
wick, for the pup will be lonesome
without one, as he has been in the
habit of sitting out in my front yard
and hurling canine defiance at pale
Luna about thirty nights in each cal
endar month. This may disturb your
sleep some, but the dog won't mind
the work, as he can recline in the
arms of Morpheus during the day
and dream Of devouring burglars.
calfskin boots, etc My neal est
strenuously objected to
this nocturne in Tar Flat, and as /
love the dog hurriedly send him to
you, fearing he may be carried to an
early grave by rush of club to the
head. Your Compassionately,
LEM LEMONS.
P. 81 would prefer to keep the
rest of the dog, as it is very handy