, 1887-03-05
Mr.. AND MRS. B0WSER.
THE HUSBAND PREPARES A GRAND
SURPRISE FOR HIS WIFE.

IA = VA
G~rief-FinaIe.
What dye Think exclaimed Mr..
H0sc.r, as he rushed into the sitting room
w.t!!out linking tire to leave his hat and
ovcrcoat on the lnll rack.
'.Sonc Of our relations dcadg"
"RclGtionsy Nav. Mrs. Bowscr, for
the past two or three weeks have been
preparing Il surprise for you-a great sur
prise. Low much milk do we use around
this housc daily
Three quarts of milk and II pint Of
cream"
Exactly, Mrs. Bower, exactly. And
the cost is twcnty-four cents. You call it
milk, but what is it, A compound of
chalk and water, which must kill us in
side of five years"
"And are you going to change milk
menu
Exactly, Mrs. Bowser. I am going to
be my owl milkman after thisl"
"You are going to-to'-
YES, I'm going to buy a cow
But you always get cheated on such
things"
"Do II That's all you know about It'll
When | don't make 25 per cent. profit 1
want to be kicked. A COW will be the
best payin" investment we ever made.
Just figu' Tor yourself: There are twelve
quarts of rich milk per day, at six cents
per quart. That's seventy-two cents per
day or $5.O4 per week. Take out seventy
fiye cents as the cost OF her keeping, and
you have n clear profit of $4.20. Is that
u swindley We can't use over four quarts
per day, and can therefore sell eight to
the %neighbors. Just speak to Green and
Smiths folks, will your"
MIR. BowsER's WARNING.
~ n.-- -
pigs"
''Pigl pigi What has a Durham COW
got to do with a short horn pigs And,
besides, your OWL base conduct killed that
animal. Mrs. Bowser, don't you dare at
tempt any tricks on my COW. / dom
want n scandal but I'll divorce you if
you ever look cross eyed at her"
well, well see how you'll come out"
"Oh, yes-throw cold water on my eff
forts to give you all the comforts of life.
It's II wonder to me hat l don't get dis
couraged and go to the gutter, as many IL
good man has" =
Early the mex morning n woman ap-
peared with n COW and calf, having them
tied behind her wagon. The calf was tied
rs well as the COW, and | noticed that it
seemed to be doing its best to keep away
from her. This seemed SO singular that /
went to the back door to speak to Mr..
Bowscr about it, but he promptly called
TO me;
''Get back therel Do you want to get
this COW excited and her blood heated
up"
lie paid for his new mich COW and
placed COW and calf in the barn, and after
giving them an hour to quiet down he
came in for me. After looking the ami
mails over | asked:
4tAF, D.r.r How, IL To- tl,at nalfs1t
Three weeks
and that COW is its mother"
Its mother? You Ion think she's its
uncle or grandfather, do your You must
he getting soft in the headl'
DO you notice that she won't own itg
See therei She's ready to cripple it if it
comes nearl''
Mrs. Bowser, you go in and attend to
your gossip and that wall eyed baby, and
don't you dare to come near his barn
again. You AVE become cross eyed and
soft headed.
| went in, but two hours later, when he
had n butcher up to buy the calf, I slipped
out and heard the man say:
That's the way of it, Bowser That
isn't her calf any more than you are
Queen Nictoria's brother. The cow may
be all right, however; she looks like n
good milker.h
The calf was driven away, and Mr..
Bowser put in the afternoon at making II
milk stool and fixing buttons on the cows
horns. After supper he e out and
MIXED, and as he brought in n pail even
full he set it on the kitchen table with the
compliment remarks:
"Might have got six quarts more, but /
got tired
THREE GLASSES FOL sUPPER.
He made n great ado about drinking
three glasses for supper, and the roc was
sent around the neighborhood to drum up
customers. He held me in lofty contempt
for awhile, but finally melted enough to
inquire:
"Well, did you taste any chalk in that"
mo, but did you observe that it had an
old taste"
"W-what do you mean"
"If that calf didn't belong to her what
is the Inference"
He rose up turned as white as n sheet,
and after n great effort managed to say:
Tile inference is that you don't know
enough TO come in when it rainsi Mrs.
Bowser, you killed off my hens, and you
caused the death OF my pigl Take care
how you conspirc with my cowl There is
n limit to which Il human being IAN DO
pushed!'
NOlnlnH Iurtncr WIS bulu until next
morning, when the quantity of milk
dropped off to -four quarts. l began to
express wonder and Amusement, but Mr..
Bowser interrupted me with:
~ didn't expect even that much this
morning. She is grieving for her calf"
The quantity at night was the same,
and Mr.. Bowser's marble brow wore a
look Of anxiety. At the end Of a week
the quantity had fallen to three quarts at
q milking, even with Mr.. Bowser feeding
ten pounds of meal per day. Then 1 vent
ured to observes:
NJ Bowser, / was satisfied from the
first that you Ind been %swindled. That
calf nev''-
"Oh, you wereS Well, l wasn't She's
grieved for that calf until her milk is
nearly gone, but IN fat her for beef and
get Mt least $50 more than she cost me-"
We kept the beast from March to Sep
TENDER. She yielded us about $40 worth
OF milk which no one liked to use, and
she cost $50 for fodder. Tier first cost,
exclusive of the calf, was sac. Mr.. Bow
ser sold her to n suburban butcher for
S25, and on the evening the trade was
concluded, and as we sat In the cleaning,
] remarked:
"Well, it hardly paid us to buy the
cow
at didn't, ehy / expected you'd be
finging out some insult pretty soonl Why