Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-02-25
WHAT MADE HIM INSANE.
His Opinion of Lawyers Has Under
gone a Change.


What ruined me and got me into luna
tic ASYLUM was this, | used to have
strong contempt for lawyers. thought
their long cross examinations were
bra Mess dialogues for no purpose
LAWYER johnson had me as witness
In a wood case. In my direct testimony
had sworn truthfully that John Hall
had cut ten cords of wood in three
days. Then he sharpened his pencil and
commenced examining me.
Now. Mr.. Perkins" he began. show
much wood do you say was cut by MIR.
Hall?"
Just ten cords. sir" ! answered
boldly IL measured it.
That's your IMPRESSION
"Yes, sir"
We'll. we don't want impressions.
sir. What we want is facts before this
jury-f-a-c-t-s. sir. facts!'
THE witness will please state facts
hereafter" said the judge. while the
crimson came to my face.
Now, sir, continued 10 hnson. point
ing his finger at me. Twill you swear
that it was more than nine cordsP
Yes. sir 1t was ten cords-just-'
There never mind. interrupted John
son. Now. how much less than twelve
cords were there?'
1.-TWO cords. sir"
How do YOU know there were just
two cords less sir? Did You measure
those two cords, sir? asked Johnson
savagcly.
mo, sir, /"
There, that will do. You did not
measure it. just as | expected. All
guess work. Now. didn't you swear
moment ago that YOU measured this
wood?
Yes. sir. but"
stop. sir The jury will notice this
Discrepancy.
Now, sir continued Johnson. slow
Is. n hc pointed his finger almosi down
my throat. Now. sir. on your oath.
Will YOU swear that there wer, not ten
cord, and half?'
Yes, sir, | answered meekly.
well. now, Mr.. Perkins, | demand
straight answer-a truthful answer,
sir"
"T-t-ten c-c-cords." | wered,
hesitatingly.
You swear it?'
'I-I-d-d- do"
- H..
smiled >atrcally do you know the
penalty Of perjury sirP'
Yes. sir | think
ION your oath. on your solemn oath.
with no evasion. are you willing to
perure yourself by solemnly swearing
that there were more than nine cords Of
wood?'
Aha. Yes. SIR ro,. are willing to
periure yourself ur& just as L
thought Cunning to the judge; you see.
your honor, that this witness is prevar-
eating H. is not willing to swear
that there were more than nine cords
of wood. 1t i, infamous. gentlemen Of
the jury, such 4 testimony a. this. The
iurv nodded ascent and smiled sarcas-
{ cally at me.
Now. said Johnson. Il will ask
this perjurel witness just one more
question. will ask you, sir--do YOU
know--do You realize sir. what an aw-
full w-f-u-l thing it is to tell lie'"
"Yes. sir" | said. my voice tremb-
ling.
"And knowing this. you swear on
your solemn oath that there were about
nine cords of wool?'
mo. sir. don't do anything Of"
Hold on. sir. How do Won know
there were just nine cords?'
Il don'tknow any such thing, sir!
="
AHA. you don't know, then? Just
as expected And yet you swore you
did know. Swore you measured it.
Infamous. Gentlemen of the jury what
shall we do with this periurcr?'
But =
mot word. sir-hush! This jury
shall not be insulted by a perjurer.'
Call the next witness
This is why am keeping books in
lunatic asylum Buffalo Express.
1t Makes No Difference.
Il suppose YOU don't believe in court