Custer chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, Black Hills, D.T. [S.D.]) 1880-1890, 1887-10-15
Fun From Harper's.


Car-driver can't smoke in
this ear" Passenger.-"Why not?'
G.. D.-'Bccause there are ladies in
the car" P.-"Why, that's the very
reason | have to smoke: | want to
deaden the smell of musk and
p%atchouly."
A small boy, Tommy Peterby, who
is one of IA family of ten, was taken
out in the family carriage with his
mother. As they drove past Il small
cottage of three rooms Mrs. Peterby
remarked how pretty it looked.
Eyes, it looks very nice" said Tom
my, land it wouldn't be a bit too big
for II family if it wasn't for pa and
the children"
Mrs. Molly Bigman, a newly mar
ried lady, does o know anything
about housekeeping, but she is anx-
ious to have her husband believe that
there IS nothing in the housekeeping
line that she does not know. He hap.
pened to be in the room when the cook
came and said:
"Will you please Glib me out lie
coffeep DE water is been a-bilin' dis
las half-hour.'
Let the water boil, Matilda" re-
piled Mrs. Bigman, calmly; ''the
longer it boils the stronger it will be-"
Many arguments appeal to The rustic
New-Englander, but there is one that
never falls-the argumentum ad cru
a
An elderly farmer and his middle
aged o Sam had been spending the
day at the county fair. When it came
to be time to go homeward Sam APP
peared, rather the worse for his days
pleasuring.
SAM" said his father. ''what ails
YEP Hain't We got no sensep ! don't
care a cent about yer takin' "a nipper
or SO, but how kin we be such a tor
mented fool Ell to go and get corned,
Ell We be now?'
A CLEAN Of triumph shone in Sans
watery eye as he answered, ''lVot ne
goin' ter 10 w'en folks GIN 10 III gee
There is no reply known in rural
New England to such reasoning as
this.
Outside the lines of his own science,
Professor PIERCE was a man Of the
keenest intellect and the soberest ludg-
ment. One evening just after the
close of the war he was ut an evening
party in Washington, and was intro
duccd TO "A quiet man, whose name he
did not catch; but he sat down beside
him, ard oon was engaged with him
in IA long and earnest talk. At the
end of the evening he asked his host,
'Who was that man to whom you in
troduced mep | didn't catch his name,
Int Ia. na.,, 10 ,,an fin .lntrnInGt md
solidest man | have met in years-a
man Of very great powers"
why said his host, ''didn't you
know? That was General Grant"
Professor Peirce was much more
than a moderate Democrat in politics
he was an extreme Democrat-but
the impression of that evening was
never eflaced.
An Austin gentleman asked Gus De
Smith if it was hotter i'm Austin than
in Galveston. Gus replied that Austin
was much the hottest. The Austin
man said that in Austin the thermo-
meter did not often 90 much higher
than ninety.
THAT may be-" responded Gus,
''but it is so cool mt Galveston when
the thermometer is ninety that you
feel chilly, and need an o%vercoat."
The late Professor Benjamin PIERCE,
long of Harvard College, and later at
the head of the United States Coast
Survey, was at the time OF his death
one of the few very great mathemati-
clans i'm the world. A friend once
asked him about "a paper of his, Glow
many men now alive, DO you think,
could read that paper and follow it?'
Half a dozen, | suppose" was the
nswer.