davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-05-27
When Talmage Wanted 10 Laugh.

DR.. Talmage told me the other day that
he never suffered so much from the prop
rieties as once when he ought 10 have
risen TO make the opening prayer Of a
service, but could not do il on account Of
an overpowcring desire TO laugh. lie was
in country church sitting alone ON q
little platform waiting for the minute
when he should begin and graYcly prepar-
ing his mind, when the door opened and n
gentleman and two ladies entered. They
were city people and they wanted that
fact known. The ladies were very eX-
pensively dressed, but the man was q
curiosity. He was apparcled with the
care of debutante at n W htc House bali.
His eyebrows and muslacLe were dyed
Jet black. and his checks showed traces Of
powder and paint, while his shape ,uggcsted
stays. He struttol 10 a seat with the air
of peacock on parade.
The ladies sat down and their escort
fourished in after them and dropped HIM
self between them on n bench. The bench
broke. Then a stirring scene Was enacted.
The gentleman had fallen through 10 the
floor and was caught between the suiiut-
cred ends of the seat. lie wrgglcd help
lessly and lost his eyeglasses and cane and
hat. The look Of misery and fright on his
face succeeding the proud dignity that
had previously sat there was too much
for DR.. Talmagc. lie wanted 10 get out
into ten acre field and whoop. He could
not help laughing, and had 10 put his
handkerchief up TO his face and pretend
that he had a very bad cough. -" Rambler"
in Brooklyn Eagle.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-05-27
Stoves In Ccrmnnr.

German stoves, by the waT, are Of q
large, cumbrous size, resemble a furnace
in shape, but arc anything else in reality.
One can never catch n glimpse Of flame,
and from their nature, If heated in the
morning, begin drawing in the afternoon.
Their merit lies in the fact that they pre-
serve room at n uniform ten. fcrature,
without allowing it to become sot. The
favorite attitude is 10 lean up against
them, 10 ascertain whether IL is heated or
not, as there is no possible danger Of
scorching. The white color Of the porce-
lain is in striking contrast TO the dark
iron cast Of ours, and, looking something
like an old fashioned cupboard, n stranger
would never recognize a stove in one until
the fact is mentioned. In parts Of the
empire, particularly in the Rhine district,
the American stove Is being rapidly intro
duced, in spite Of the fact that the average
critic declares our stoves-as most Of our
practices looking 10 cOmfort--to be very
h.altby.-Cor. Charleston News.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-05-27

1t is often said that hundreds OF men
walk the streets Of New York seeking
work and are unable to find it, The most
prominent broker in town said the other
night that this was entirely untrue.
II can give every man work, ~ he said,
Though ii may not be the kind he desires
or is fitted for. l have dozens Of rcstau-
rants and hotels TO supply, and there are
always some vacancies. This morning
papers announced the suicides Of three
men who became desperate because they
could not get work. If they had been
willing TO take the first thing that came
along they'd have been al right. No man
need starvc.
GLOW low do wages rum
81 sent three men TO work as p0rtcrs
to-day for 50 a week, including luncheon.
You stare. OF course s. is nothing TO Us,
but the man who won't work for that
much and six square meals week viii
have 70 struggle in New York No matter
how small the wages, You can always get
men TO accept them, but You cannot al
ways get a man who has held high
position to accept Il lower one. They VIII
starve to death first. | mean This liter
ally. They viii undergo the awful hor-
rors Of starvation before they wiz throw
away their pride. 1t is tho ruling spirit
you know The other day the doctors
told Dewey, tie liz Wall street operator,
that he had only few hours to 1--we. He
called for his broker at once and arranged
for selling out his stock. Can you inn
agine man thinking If the stock market
when on the very verge of death? Wen,
the same principles apply to paupers.
They starye to death at times before they
will consent to compete with the laboriIs
man. "-Blakely Hall.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-05-27
A Tilt About Modern Improvements.

Browns Boy-We've got stationary
wash stands in our house.
Smiths Boy-We'ye got tessellated
vestibules.
Browns Boy-We've got open CRATES. "
Smiths Boy-So have we. And an
elevator.
Browns Boy-Pooh! we've got cleo
trical bells.
Smiths Boy-Wen, we've got some
thing yo7enses hasn't got-we've got
rheumatic Nbes There now.-llarper's
Bazaar.
Stealing Bouiangcr's view Explosive.
Gen. Boulangcr has instituted "a search.
ing inquiry into a robbery O. about klio-
gramme of the new cNplo iyc mcintc.
The robbery was il IS stated, committed
during the night of Feb. at tic powder
magazine Of Seyran, where the new cNplo-
sive is kept in a special magazine. The
workmen employed in the manufacture Of
the melinite are subject to the stricte-t Of
rules and are carefully searched before
leaving their workshops, which, together
with the magazines are surrounded
by wall three meters in height.
Notwithstanding all the precautions
which have been taken. guard
employed inside the magazine 10 watch
the stoves in which the powder prepared
during the day is dried nc night, thought
he saw two men sinking out of the maya
zine. Instead Of running after them the
man on duty in the magazine warned the
guard outside The soldiers and the
gendarmes from Iivry at once beat the
country all round that magazine in or
near which no one was discovered, but the
following morning it was perceived that
the door Of the special magazine in which
the melinitc is kept had been opened and
that about a klOgamme Of that explosive
had been purloincd. London STANDARD.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-05-27

"Do you think the peach buds are
ruinedY ne asked OF farmer whom lie
met in n Grand River avenue grocery.
Dunno
"Then you haven't looked 20 sec}"
"No. All know about il Is that some
burned thief stole two PIGS from me last
week, and I've got a calf sick 'nun TO die
any minute I'll make q note Of il, how
ever, and ask the old woman il she's
heard OF any such thing detroit Free
Ilrnae
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-05-27
4 Nortncr in Texas.

Thirty-two miles further west we ar
rived at Fort Worth, n breeze swept city
Of about $4,000 Inhabitants, the young
rival Of Dallas. As we left the train we
found q genuine northcr in progress-tho
same storm which in It's inception we had
encountered further cast--a dry, cold
wind, which blew furiously without ces-
eation and with constantly increasing
force, The stoves in our rooms were kept
red hot al night, yet, Notwithstanding
this, tie water was found TO be frozen in
our pitchers in the morning and the storm
still undated. The wind however. grad.
ually suhsidcd during thc day, md by .
O'Clock the air became mcautably tran
quill, whercupon an army Of strapping
cowboy came forth from about the cor
rails and at0ckyards seen in the distance,
and Slid gleclully Oh the thick Zee which
had formed during the night on n large,
well likc pond beyond the track. in front
Of the hotel, and ass their heels OCCASION
ally slipped from under them and they
fell with Che force Of pile drivers, cx.
pcctod, at times, TO see them break
through the ice, but not n star attcsted
that any fracture had been occasioned,
Albert Darnitz in Cleveland Leader,
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-05-27

A new method Of securing veneer to its
base consists in spreading glue or other
adhesive matter between the veneer and
the base passing the two secured parts
under heated roller to melt the glue and
cause it 10 enter the pores OF the wood;
then finally pressing the connected base
md the veneer under chilled rollers, to
harden and set the glue, and prevent the
Wrapping or shrinking Of the veneer eonse-
quent upon the gradual cooling or drying
of the glue Prank Ieslic's
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-05-27
Worso than heathen

Arc those parents VINO allow their cbil.
dren to suiier with Worms when - cents
will buy a box of Parmeee's Santoninc
Worm Candies which viii immediately
cure the child and remove tie worms by
diss0lyins Them. Doyou know The svmp.
tons: P,eyishucss, Sudden Starting in
sleep, bad breath. great desire for food
day and night. Be wise and leave nothing
to regret Price - cents per box. Sold
bv b. - Webb.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-05-27
TO ADVERTISERS.

The RECORD Is ore of the best mediums for
in GrauOt County. boing a welcome
visitor TO nearly even home i'm this part OF the
county and towns adjoining, Int 10 insure IN
sertion the same week. advertisements should
be handed i'm not later than Wednesday noon.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-05-27
Dueklen's Arnlea salvo.

The best salyc In the world for Cuts.
bruises Sore Ulcers, Salt kheum. Fever
Sores letter, Chappcd Hands Chilblalns
Coms and all Skin ErupiIons. and
positively cures Piles. or mo- pay required.
1t is guaranteed to give correct satisiact-
ION. or money refunded. Price - cents
per box. For sale BY 3. ). Webb.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-05-27
FRIDAY, MAY -, 1887.
TO CORRESPONDENTS

We cannot notice anonymous comm unica-
tons. In all cases we require the writer's nlinc
and address, not for publication, but as a
guarantee of good faith. And correspondent ;
should write upon one side of their sheet only
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-05-27

Sour milk is fed % swine by the phila-
delphia butter makers, who claim that
such milk viii make leo pounds Of pork
ner can
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-05-27
Clear and beautiful.

AITCI uslUS IDmII1l's Ou0nIuI Balm.
the skin will Aayc fresh, ear and au.
tifll appearance. Entirely free from
Tan FrcckIes, aad AN Blemistes. Il is so
perfectly harmless tha. it cannot Cail TO
please the iasiilious. We recommend il
to all the ladies Price 90 cents per bottle
Sold by y. s. Webb.
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-05-27
Saved His Life.

Nj. ID. J.. Wlcoxson, OF Horse Cave, Ky
SAYS be was for many years, badly afflicted
with PhlAi.ic, alto Diabetes; the pain,
were almost uucudcrab.c and would some
Times almost throw him into commissions.
He tried Electric Bitcis aud got reliei
ilom first bottle and after taking six bot.
lies, wos entirely cured and had gaiaed
in flesh eighteen pounds. Says he post
Ncly believes he would have died, had il
not been for tie reicl Afforded by Electric
Btters. Sod at SOC a bottle mt y. )
Webb drug stO.e. q
Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-05-27
Dry Goods Department,

IHo only "TaiIor Na0e' CorscI m thc county
handsome Robes, all overs Flouncings, etc. at
less than wholesale prices.
We have also got t4c finest lines of Summer
Dress Goods and Trimmings, and all other lines
which we have 80 room to mention. at prices tha'
VIII surprise you
Parsol- AZ COST
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1887-12-16
S.mi -dMs.klpyutsrim 5enrnaI
W. P. WALTON.

THIS has been rather hard year on the
Napoleons of Finance. Harper, who wreck
ed the Fidelity Bank, Of Cincinnati, goes
where several Of his ilk have gone before
to the penltentiary, the jury finding him
guilty and the Judge giving him the full
penalty of the law, 10 years in the Ohio
peni,entiary. As the sentence was passed
upon him great tears coursed down his
cheeks while bis faithful wife sat wringing
her hands in the very agony OF despair
Hsrper was ordered to prison at once and
before 10 o'clock the same night he was
safely locked in the cell that for ~ years,
unless something lucky for him turns up
must be his solitary abode. A more sc-
romplisbed rascal has hardly ever before
soften his deserts. He is the typical
scoundrel, false to his friends, whose money
he appropriated to his selfish designs, a
robber Of the hard earnings OF the poor
and untrue to his wife, whose beauty OF de
votion through all his disgraces has be
come the admiration Of all who have wit
messed or read about it, Ten years is light
nunishment for the crimes he has commit
led. but il 1t serves as q warning to other
. 6 nauciers" it may suffice.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1887-12-16
aEiHG HUS
time yet.

-Revs. Evans snd Hopper are holding n
meeting at Frankfort, which had result d
in - additions to last sccounts
fine protrsctei meeting at Mound Hill
Christian church, Carroll county, conduct
ed by Ed w II. Manoney, closed with -
additions.
The Rev. Mr. Berry declined the call
from Mr. Beech er's church saying that he
had consecrated hi, life to a certain work
in England and could not give il up
"A number OF distinR uished Pre- byteri-
an diyines Of both branches Of the Church
are in session At Louisville to consider the
question OF uniting the Churches a. before
the war.
Rev +. Wishard, ID d., late synod
ical missionary in Kentucky, has accepted
a call to the First church in Dss Moines
Iowa, and has already entered on the die
charge Of his dutie. there. DR.. Wishsrd
spent four months ast winter and spring
doing special and e1cellen Mt work in Utah
for the Board.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1887-12-16

The total number Of bills offered in the
Senate last Monday reaches 59i and II Gil
Of the money they call for lie appropriated
they will take fully S5O0,0OO,00O from
the treasury. Truly has the President said
that the surplus lie a never failing ince ntive
to wild and dangerous schemes against the
government. Let taxation be reduced to
the minimum amount necessary to run an
economically administered government and
then there will be no surplus to tempt the
designing Congressman.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1887-12-16
susJoSyiLLE, LiEcOLs COUNTY.

DR.. Brown il by no means disabled /,
though OF late days rheumatism has pecu-
liar terror for him.
Mrs. Will Bishop bought the miliiu
cry establishment Of Mrs. Green and will
carry on the business with zeal and de
sire to please.
The meeting at the Christian church
closed Sunday night. Rsv Mr.. Manshlp,
a Methodist preacher and teacher, is pros
pectnS at Morelsnd.
Public sympathy is respectfully solic-
tied. Your correspondent passed through
A birthday on Monday, No noticeable
demonstration, except that the rain ceased,
the skies grew bright and everything went
on "a usual
-"roue" Hu; n, after selling bis grocery
business to other day, noun al his horse,
rode out ard looked at the fall grass
and returning bought out Charlie Bishop
He is therefore grocer and conlec Toner
again, or at least ia one to day,
I learn that q r. Peacock has sold
his drug business to j q. WeNtherford
TIE suppositiou il that Freely" has not
retired permanently, but fnding that his
double avocation was TOO much for one
man, he concluded to put the pharmaco
pris in allegiance uatil he shall have dispo 4.
ed of his botanical Investigations sm ing
"orange blossom"
Your enterprI4ing young b IN. smiled
on our village Tuesday for few brief mo-
ments. He gave out that he w4s on
mis- way to Casey. 1t is shrewdly suapec,
ed, however, that he has gone to Russell
Springs for the benefit of his infant nous
tache in other wcris, that it is his pur-
pose to "tarry 10 Jerico until his heard be
grown
Stanford has long boosted of her "Mer-
~ Bachelors" She had better look to her
laurels; for Hustonville ia forming the
nucleus OF an association which bids fair to
become power in the land. Thus far il
can show only three members, but they
evidently mean business. They have taxi
en- and furnished house and are ready to
receive applications for membership. They
talk OF adopting the motto, the home OF
the friendless," az the designation OF their
hoatelry.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1887-12-16

BILL CHANDLER has offered Dill to
regulate Congressional elections 10 the
States of South Carolina, Mississippi,
Florida and Louisiana. providing for the
appointment Of supervisors by the presi-
dent, whose duty shall be to see that the
colored man and brother is permitted to
vote free from intimidation or other cause
The Honorable Bill wants no doubt to get
another chance to count his party in, but
the South is done with returning boards
and other devices to thwsrt the will OF the
people. The elections in the South are
fnlly as free from fraud as in snv part Of
the country.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1887-12-16
sARsAsD COUNTY DEPARTMENT
Lancaster.

Lancaster.
Our foy hunters have al last caught {
fox lin e steel trap.
The town has put on Christmas look
every store having more or less holiday
goods.
Florida oranges fresh from the groves
Of B. NJ Burdett, Killarney, Fla, at Geo,
ID. Burdett Il Co's.
Don't forget the musicale at the Col.
lege on the 23rd. am directed to cay i,
will be good thing.
The Sandifor matter is tettled and Mr..
Ssndifer keeps his place ne stamp deputy
This lie no more than was expected here.
ID. NJ. Lsckey has improved the APP.
pesrauce Of his store room by the spplica
ton Of fresh paint, paper, soap and water,
etc.
1t is a matter OF fact that the Hon
James b. McCresry sticks to his friends
closer than brother, and every good dem.
ocrat is his friend.
The life insurance business seems iC
be having quite boom here recently. Ii
is good thing and l am glad to see so ma
ny taking hold Of it.
j. G. Sweeney left on Wednesday for =
short visit to the lakes OF Killarney, Flori-
ds J. Henry Hankls, OF Junction City
WAS in Lancaster Yesterday.
Our confectioners are enterprising. A
Schilling displays 9 handsome cake OF his
own making, while 7. @. Stephens has be
gun the manufacture OF candy.
Rev. Humphries preached at the Bap.
tist church on Sunday night on the PROV
licences OF God" Rev. McWilliams filled
the pulpi, at the Presbyterian church Sun
day.
1T the Hon. Charles w. Buck should
conclude to run sgainst Mr.. Beck for the
Senate, it will be the old story Of "buckins'
the tiger and losing his all. Mr.. Buck had
beat be satisfied with Peru,
John 5. Armstrong and wife, Of Dallas
Texas, are visiting al Capt. Frank White's
l.. &. Hubble, OF Washington City, is on a
visit to his parents at Hubble. l.. F. Hub
bic has returned to Birmingham.
-Ttey are at il again in the Mere Now
lie: us have this question settled; Who
kiln? The good God or him who hath the
power, namely, the devil. The people Of
this community want TO see the arguments
Let the discu, sion 20 on
-Thomss Johbsor, Jr., has an offer to
20 TO Hsrrodsburg to 40 into busine-s. IL IL
more than likely he will accept. 5. NJ.
Peacock has removed into his new proper.
~ purchased from w. j. Lloyd. Uncle
Billy Noel is some better. George Cater, OF
Louisville, was in Lancaster several dave
this week f. c. Browning and w. y.
Jones, OF Winchester, are Visiting in TIM.
city.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1887-12-16
DAstIlLs. s0YLs COUNT.

MIR W, q. Marks is the parent OF =
fine boy this M rning.
p. Mullsney. whoee dangerous illnes-
has been noted, ia rapidly improving.
Pat Muldoon's Irish Comedy Company
is due at the opera house on the % inst.
MIR T. NJ Clsrkson and Mics Rachael
A. Hammer obtsiued marriage license on
"wednesday.
--Messrs. W. +. Evans and K Jacobs
are in New Mexico, to be sb-ent about two
weeks Mi-- Sallie Montgomery, OF Wash
ington county, lie visiting Mics Katie Bur
dett, 10 this county.
10 Haas has shipped 5000 dressed iur.
keys 10 Boston and New York this week
Engleman * Fields cold Wednesday TO +
d. Stout, OF Du Buque, lows, the bay msIe
Mabel, by Dictator, dam Vic, by Mambn
no Chief, for & $50 Tip Bruce also sold
to Ben Kindig, Of York, Pennsy Ivanla, the
bay geIdiug, Robert Mckinney, by Back
Hambetonisr; price unknown.
Jack Hudson, alias jack BTd~h =.
tie, had Ugh. with Mr. Gary, OF the ga
works Wednesday evening and beat him up
badly. He was before the police cour'
Thur-day morning and fined $50 in de
fault of which ne was sent 10 the work
house. Tom Miller, for shooting in tn,
town limit. IL to be tried this (lhursday
evening
Frank Johnson svore before the polio
court Weduesdav that he bought soms
beer from Tnomss Slaughter, Il co.ored
ma. Thomas and several others swor,
tina, what job son said wss not true, the
Jury believed rnomss and the others ard
did believe Johnson and con-'qgently
acquitted Thomas. Johnson expects ,t
continue 10 the witness business for som'
time yet.
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1887-12-16

-Cien. Thomas Kirby Smith, Of Pbils
delphis, died suddenly Wednesday morn
ing 10 New York, aged 81 years. At tn,
close Of the war he was chief Of staff "a
Gen. Grant.
AT Huron, Dakota, the house oil
Michael Harris caught FIRE and spread so
rapidly that before any OF his family save
himself and young daughter could get out,
they were burned up-the mother and six
children.
Mrs. Sarah Hayden, young and very
beautiful, was found hanging to the bed
post in her room in the Lexington Asylum
Sunday night. She was from Pulaski, to
which county her remains were taken for
interment.
--As there IL q messley contest for his
seat, Speaker Carlisle would not appoint
the committee on elections, but vscsting
his seat requested the House to do 80.
Crisp was made chairman and the other
members named.
The Atlanta prohibiiionists now hope
to see their principles prevail in the city,
not through any local legislation but as q
result Of 9 State prohibition law, which,
they assert, will be passed BY the next
Georgia Legislature.
William Cundifi, a bad character Of
Adair county. being warned to leave the
county, procured a gun and shot and killed
Talt Bradshaw, an estimsble citizen.
Though pursued and fred upon by body
Of men Cundi escaped.
Near Point Pleasant, w. Va, Henry
Fawcett and wife locked in a room their
three children, their oldest but i've, sod
leaving them, went to church. Returning,
they found their house iu ashes and their
children burned 10 death.
--Senstor Resgsn introduced q bill TO
regulate immigration, under the provision
of which the Cd World psupers and jail
birds, such as Most and his fellows will be
restricted in their free passage into and
through the United States.
The boiler in Lindsey's saw mill and
tobacco hos shead mandatory, Mt. ster'
ling, exploded killing w. ID. Stephenson,
the sawyer, and badly wounding two other
men. The boiler weighed 5000 pounds
but it was blown l25 feet and did great
damage to property.
Probably quarter ola million OF dol
lars has been sunk in the sinking Of gss
wells in Kentucky, yet not foot OF nstur-
al gas lie being utilized in the State, save at
the Brandeuburg salt works, where il hss
been doing good service for % years.
Louisville Times.
The skeleton OF Edward Hsgg. who
came from Denver two months ago 10
marry Miss Ella Brown, at Greensboro, was
found in the woods four niles from town.
He had $3.50 with him when he came and
there being no trace Of it, he Was doubtless
murdered and robbed.
Last Sunday I. b. Renfroe shot and
killed s. W. Begley, at Pineville. Rem
froe's small son had snapped toy pistol in
Begley's face, for which the latter pushed
him Cd the sidewalk, the boy resentina
this by throwing a stone at Begley. The
kilI;no raanlted from this
Semi-weekly interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1881-1905, 1887-12-16

THE democrats of the Kentucky deIegs.
ton, according to Judge Kincsid, con WINGED
since the Tsulbee escspsde thsts Stand
Together Association" lie imperative, have
formed themselves into one and resolved
TO always stand together; that any member
caught shall be expelled; that the associs.
ton lie too gtoi for republicans; that a
committee be appointed to coach new mem
bers. Standing resolutions stating sorrow
that any brother should be caught passed
and ordered to be illuminated.