The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-08-31
HUMOR.


A DARc deed-The cremation of
Jeanne.
A RECEIVING teller-A gossiping
woman.
A BALL thrown in Decline is not
appropriately called singer.
AN ounce of home rule in Ireland
would be worth pound of revolution.
TIE man who best enjoys success
is him who has drank the dregs OF
failure.
WHEN you embrace your pretty
cousin can she be called strained re-
lation?
THERE are very few brass bands in
q military parade that can play as many
airs as the drum-major puts on.
The surest way for sweet girl eradu-
ates to go into print is to wear calico
dresses on commencement day.
MR. H.-Can you play any tunes yet
on your new piano, Bessie? Bessie
oh, yes; l have just learned "Gayly
the cuspador.
In days agone, when a schoolboy was
punished by being made to sit with the
girls, there was no complaint OF over
crowding in our common schools.
AsToNIsHED her-in-law-"Want q
pension! What in thunder do you
mean?" Son-in-law-"Why, amt de-
pendent on you for support? Well,
want to be independent-that's all!
Puck.
FIF1Y-FoUR whisky TASKS were found
in the hall after the adjournment of
the Idaho Legislature. 1t was thus
possible TO ascertain the exact number
of those who attended the last session.
-NctC HdUe1l NeWs.
HANDLING Bees is q headline in
an exchange. That's the stuff. They
ought to have had handles put on
them years ago, hen a fellow could
pick them up without getting their
blamed old singer iammed into him
every time.-DanSuiUe Breeze.
SAID Captious, pointing to a sign
which read, Umbrellas repaired and
recovered" There is palpable lie.
why? How do you make that out?"
asked Senex "Well, umbrellas may
be repaired, perhaps, but they are
never recovered. "-Teras SUtings.
A LETTER has just been disentombed
in Pompeii, just where the district
messenger-b lost it 100000 years
ago. The boy is supp sed to be still
alive, and slowly wandering along in
the direct on of the house at which the
letter was to be delivered. -Balrdette
"THREE arts for the minister to learn
expression, compression, impress
sion" So speaks the Christian Reg
lister. We would add suppression.
Happy the minister who does not fear
to prune his sermons, as wise garden
ers do their vines.-Ne,c York OBJ
SerUer.
"REUpEN," said Mrs. Stubs, laying
down the evening paper, "what is meant
by optimism?" Optimism ?" "Yes.
The paper says that optimism is not q
characteristic of the modern age"
Optimism, Hannah, is q disease of
the eye; an you'll git it the fust thing
you know, if You keep on q readin' that
fine print"
Blank, the dry goods man, has bought
UnaC DeauIlIul mousse across the way.
Omaha mantle can well afford to.
He is worth q million. ~Why. who left
it to him? ?" Nobody. He made it in
his business" Il don't see how. He's
always selling goods below cost. -
omaha World.
AGAIN the wise man steps to the
front He says: IF man empties his
purse into his head no man can take it
from him." He does put it there some
times, emptylng it in by the way of
his neck, and the wise man is right for
once; next morning no living man
could take that head away from him.
By'r halidame, Sir Grammercy, i good
sooth do we believe the wise man has
been there himself. Whence else this
| bookly lore ?-Bltrdette.
a wELL-KNowN firm advertises "ar-
tistic gas fixtures" We have one of
the beggars down in the cellar. It's
| the artfulest thing out of ia |, and how
it managed to escape Indictment with
the rest of the boodlers has always
been a mystery to the consumer ever
since it began TO say, "Twice two is
five, and three to carry makes eleven
put down seventeen" Artistic? 1t
does it with an easy grace and an hon.
est face that would deceive the very
elect Bludette.