The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1887-04-05
THE WAR SHIP.
The Grand Dukes Own COnundrum

Yes my boy-That craft is veritable shiE
of war.
Where are her guns, old man?
! Guns? Why, they are up on Punchbowl
! to be sure. They intend having them brought
down and properly mounted.
Gracious me- You don't mean it!
Yes, indeed do; and they propose utlliz
ing the old guns at the Post-Office corner
anything for show-nay boy. Next Legis
lature big bill will be presented for digging
up and removing old guns.
Well, old man, what will be the next move!
Where? In the ship, or the Legislature?
Oh, either; one is of as much account as
the other.
Well, my boy, the Legislature will probably
have the bill for digging up and cleaning old
guns and bones consolidated, and charged to
account of Board of Genealogy. Guns and
bones sort of harmonic, as 1t were. Where
guns play an active part, you generally find
plenty of bones.
Yes. Well, what about the ship?
Oh, she is to carry the guns, which at all
times are to be pointed in the direction of
the mausoleum. The object being to sort of
shadow the place and prevent the abstraction
of bones.
Oh, indeed! What happy thought. Who
commands the ship?
Really, my boy, you are asking too much.
The thing came near being settled five min
uteS after she was purchased, had not dis
cussion arisen as to the meaning of such titles
as Rear-Admiral, Vice-Admiral, Admiral.
Commodore, Commander, etc.
The Grand Duke fully intended command
ing his "0Enty donty Conundrum," and 90
Commodoring round the Islands, Just for
the fun of the thing, but besparkled youth
put in his oar for the position of commander,
and had the audacity to intimate that the
na Tl7t- ha "A
raj, with the privilege of remaining on shore.
Now, my boy, the Hawaiians have sort of an
tIpathy for the word "rear,n so the Grand
Duke he swore in good round English he
would never be Admiral with back seat
hitched onto his title. Not even to please the
Respondent one. No. never!, neyer!lI
PA" who is all right every time Won
know, pleaded in vain that he might hold
commission; even though insignificant, it
would be acceptable, and he would soon be
able to demonstrate to the King his ability
to consolidate all ranks and commissions in
the keeping and control of one individual.
No, you don't, cried the Grand Duke, Just
you tell me how the thing is done, that l
may Try for once on my own account.
At this point Captain Jack came to tine
rescue "Graud Duke. Resplendent One and
Pa " were paralyzed by his display of nauti-
cal terms.
Webster's Unabridged and the Grand
Dukes kahuaas we're quickly summoned
into the presence of this distinguished trio;
with what result l know not, save, at last
account, that the Grand Duke insisted upon
having tvo-story shingle palace erected
over the bow of the ship for his special
comfort and convenience as commander.
And if the brilliant and resplendent one
thought 1t worth while 70 be Rear A6.
niral,' be was welcome 10 the commission,
and he would have platform built for him
over the rudder for his special use.
Pa. poor man, after discovering the ship
had yard-arms, was reported as having
dropped out of the controversy.
Meantime, Captain Jack holds all the
honors lad Interim.
Now, young man, If you happen 10 cali
round this way next week, perhaps may be
able to give you further information CON
corning the Grand Dukes ownty don'ty Con
undrum." Most Of us feel Ike giving II
up" May be, perhaps, the Grand Duke
himself will . give i up" Who knows?