davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08

among crowds or accepts Of invitations to-
make speeches at dinners
That devouring crowd which wants to
handle its author and humorist always re-
minds me of the Doors who come into fine
parlors and want to break a piece off the
bric-a-brac in order tosee what it is made Of.
Nearly every man with fine faculties in
him for literary work is vulgarized and
broken by common contacts.
Mr.. Small had an unhappy descent into
poverty and distress. He found his wav out
by becoming an exhorter on religious mat
te-s. singular conclusion for man who
could make people smile and be happy.
This humor of the Americans is very dis
tinct thing from the wit of the English;
there was little wit in Shakespeare in thesen
of sharp, pithy sayings, but he has humor so
nicely and broadly diffused that you hardly
know where the line divides it from the rest
Of his composition. Falstaff does not make
many points; he is humorous in quantities
and in general, and he has lasted 800 years.
Mark Twain has humor, and, better than
that, dramatic descriptive power; his humor
often is fierce and sardonic, but told with q
smile which gives it to some an aspect of
merriment. The basis of his humor is in the
irreverence of our new, fresh people for
whatever is conservative and settled. To
make a jest of Adam suits part of our age,
but he who made a jest of Noah was cursed
in his children's children. Mark Twain
probably had beneath the surface the gen.
eral money-making instinct of the Ameri-
cans-and as he has gone forward in this
occupation, he reminds one of Billy Burton,
the comedian and manager, who became
rich and still made people laugh who saw
him before the footlights while in reality he
was hard creditor and good deal of mer-
chant, even in his humor. He had his name
put to cyclopedia of wit and humor, most
of the work of which was done by plain hire
lings. The humor which lasts long while
is founded upon something universal in
human nature and not upon the mere tenn
per of the day.
The most scientific of our 'hu morists,
whose humor was that of an educated man
and trained one, was Lieutenant Derby, of
the regular army, whose writing name was
John Phenix. He had been with the regu-
lar troops in California and at all the dis
tant posts, and wrote his humor for his
fellow-officers and for the incidental society
which assembled around the barracks. 1t was
his intimate knowledge of all the techni-
cality of the service, of the jokes of the mess,
of the personality of the officers and of the
odd and pioneer condition of things at that
time which caused him to become the won
der of the army.
1 have often marveled that the American
officers did not do something more for liter
allure; but in reality our army is kept at
such small figure, on account of the parsi-
mony of the politicians that nearly every
body in it is overworked at his ordinary
duties.
GEORGE ALFRED TOWNSEND
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08
WOMEN IN MEMS CLOTHING.
English Girl, Converts to Mormonism, Beg
Their Way Back from Utah.

Their Way Back from Utah.
John Brennan, chief gate-keeper at the
Pennsylvania railroad station in Jersey
City, yesterday afternoon noticed young
woman who had arrived on train from the
West, and who seemed to be at loss what
to do. He questioned her, and after a
while succeeded in learning her story. Her
name, she said was Eleanor PASTOR. Sew
eral months ago she and sixteen other young
women came from Cornwall, England, with
party of Mormon converts. The party was
in charge of Elder Bascom. On arriving in
Salt Lake City, Eleanor and friend named
Amelia Clegg, delicate young woman, were
assigned to Elder Bascom, and were taken
to his house.
Therethey found three of the elders wives,
the Oldest of whom is described by Miss
PASTOR as an "old bag with violent tenn
per-" The new arrivals did not like the
prospect, and resolved to make 6heir escape
If possible. They We're assigned to room
and it was understood that the next day the
ceremony of sealing them to the elder
would be performed. They then tore the
bed-clothing into strips and lowered them
selves out of the window. Wandering
about they met Junius F. Wells, another
elder, to whom they told their story. Wells
took pity on them, and agreed to aid them
in escaping from the city. He took them to
a stable and dressed them in male attire
which had been worn by two of his
farm-hands. As they were leaving the
stable to go to the railroad station
Elder Bascom appeared and asked Wells
if he had seen the two young women.
He answered that he had not, and turning
to the disguised and trembling females, COM
menced giving them some instructions about
the work they were to do that day on the
farm. Bascom left and Wells started the
females in the direction of the depot, after
yyif r1nnr how
boarded train and got safely away. When
they thought they were at safe distance
they confided their secret to some ladies, and
were furnished with suitable wearing apparel.
One of the ladies, who lived in Omaha, took
fancy to Miss Clegg and offered to provide a
home for her. The offer was thankfully
accepted. Miss PASTOR came on to New York.
she said she had a friend named Mrs. Griffin
in South Eighth street, Brooklyn, E. D.
Ven York Iribssae
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08

of your ride. They are kind of
private omnibus. Each driver owns
his own vehicle, and it consists of
very light two-wheel cart drawn
by one horse. The driver sits on a
little seat on the shaft, while opposite
him is one passenger, and four people can
sit on the shafts between the horses tail
and the first regular seat. These latter
are three Irregular" seats or boards
stretched across the wagon quite high
up. Then there is another seat behind
these, and in this the passengers sit with
their backs to the horse. Then again
there is a sort of step hanging on be-
hind; on this two more passengers
can sit. The total number to be ac-
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08

fall dead at the thought. The fare for
ride on these vehicles is only cent
or two of American money, and thai is
why they are so crowded and so numer-
Gus. The picture gives one an idea of
the conglomeration seen ON an average
"carry-all There are other sights along
the road which cannot help but amuse and
attract the attention of stranger per-
haps the greatest of the sights is the
large strings of macaroni hung out to
dry. The greatest factories of macaroni
in Naples arr along the road to Pompeii,
and as you drive on you see the paste
drying in the air. 1t is quite soft when
it is swung over the long poles and car
ried out by men to the sidewalks to be
hung on the racks to be dried by the sun.
These stands are plain "two-story" ar
rangements and usually hold six poles of
macaroni on tier. On these racks out
in the sun, amid flies and dust, the maca-
roni hangs all day, blowing in the wind
and hardening by the suns rays.
This is uncooked macaroni To see it
cooked in true Neapolitan style you must
go to house and watch the people eat it.
The art of eating m acaroni is great one,
and it is with true delight that the ma
tives will show you how to do it. Good
macaroni is luxury here, and like every
where else, demand makes a supply.
The demand to see macaroni eaters by
tourists has started this class. Now, you
can pay fee and see the rather disa-
greeable sight. Some of these combine
other business with that of macaroni
eating. For instance, you can buy fish
or fruit and see the family enjoy their
dejeuner at the same time.
Passing by the macaroni in your
drive from the city you will come across
beggars-increasing in the ratio of the
distance you leave the town proper All
along the ROAD is continuous line of
houses, but all different towns and called
by different names.
Beggars of all kinds and classes
besiege you, and go to all sorts of ex-
tremes to entice few pence from your
pocket The children of this class are
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08
The Teacher Didn't Know it An.

Short cuts of all kinds are at premium
in Wall street, and of course quick methods
of calculation have been studied there with
great success. The other day lad in
Hoboken came home to his father with 9
cumbrous method of calculating interest
learned at school. The father showed him
how to do the thing in one-tenth the time
this message from the teacher:
Tell your father that he is wrong"
The boy went to school next morning
with the message from his father: ''Tell the
teacher Pm right"
and said: "Wbat is your fathers business Pr
"a bookkeeper in Wall street, answered
the lad.
That night the bookkeeper received note
from the schoolmistress begging that he
send her full exposition of his method
that she might teach it to her pupils.-FAila-
delphid Record.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08
A Painful Mistake.

The point of the following story will be
evident, at least to all country readers. The
bumblebee never flies very high, and is often
called the humblebee, but he is above being
taken for blackberry:
Boston Young Lady, want to look at a
pair Of eyeglasses, sir. of extra magnifying
power.
Dealer-Yes, ma'am something very
strong?
Boston Young Lady-Yes, sir. While
visiting in the country last summer made
a very painful blunder which never want
to repeat.
Dealer-May ask what that--er-blunder
was?
Boston Young Lady-oh, yes mistook
a bumblebee for blackbery.-Msw York
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08
Patriotic Names.

In a Massachusetts town there are two
young colored men, educated in the public
schools and "well brought up" who prob
ably bear the most peculiar Christian names,
if they can be called Christian names at all,
that have been worn since the Puritan times,
when men received whole phrases of Scrip
ture as names in baptism, such as Fight-the-
Goodnight Smith, Shun-the Ways-of- Evil
Jones and Pray Without Ceasing johnson.
The name Of one of these young men is
Army Potomac Johnson-we give an
other surname in the place of the real one
and of the other, Ninth-Corps johnson.
Both were born during the civil war,
when their father served for time with the
Ninth Corps of the Army of the Potomac.
He was anxious to give his sons patriotic
names, suited to the stirring times, and SO
named them after, what were to him, the
most famous military organizations in the
world.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08
SHORT ITEMS OF FACTS.

Briefly, reputation which endures and
increases with the progress Of time, anS
which, after the lapse of many years, is
more widely and firmly established than
ever before, can only be founded upon supe-
rior merit. This is concisely the history Of
He-No Tea.
The first Tea sold In England was linz
ported by the Dutch East India Company
in 1855 and was shipped from Batariss
the capital of India.
The first China Green Tea from China
arrived in England in 1907.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08

marx Wcm AeAmB Sug DOWN.
In thetown of Medford Mass, there stands
in the carriage-way Of the high street great
elm, very old but perfectly thrifty, and ons
Of the most beautiful specimens Of its kind.
Not long ago the selectmen Of the town had
reached the conclusion that, owing to the
supposed danger to passing teams, It would
be best to have the old tree cut down.
The news that the tree was to be sacrificed
spread about the village and some of the
people, who had genuine and very natural
affection for the old landmark, began to
agitate against its destruction. No great
amount of feeling was aroused, however,
until, one morning, the people found sign
tackled upon the trunk of the tree, which
bore these words in rather rude letters
what Cut me down ?'' This simple appeal,
which seemed to come from the tree itself,
was SO touching, and told SO pathetic story,
that the people became very much interested,
and raised SO many protests against the de-
struction of the tree, that the selectmen
changed their minds. It still stands and
thriyes
An engaging smile-A lovers grin at bis
fiancee.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08

fisher in his white clothes and bare feet,
two workmen enjoying their glass and
smoke, an old street vender, and
two children. In the distance through
the doorway l could see Vesuvius,
always smoking. The musicians played,
sang and danced, and the sight was
well worthy of stopping to see
JOHN s. SHRIvER.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08
QUIPs.

Goes without saying "a dumb tramp.
Birds of prey are very talented creatures.
It seems unnecessary, but all of George
Augustus Sala's articles are signed &c. A. s."
A Michigan woman has kicked bear to
death. The "bear' probably refused to get
her new summer bonnet.
People who live in flats prefer the old ia
miliar motto spelled in this way, "Home,
Suite Home" WIS.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08
AMONG HUMORISTS.
MEN WHO LIVE By EXCHANGING
GRINs FOR GUINEAs.

Sketches of Some Of the Noted Laugh
makers Of the Day-Odd Fancies in Max
ing Money-The Success of spelling
Foundation of American wit and Humor.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08
IN LIGHTER VEIN.
NO BAR TO SUCCESS.

''What pitiable sight blind man is, to
be sure" remarked Mrs. Fangle; ''nearly
al avenues of trade are closed to him."
ooh, no." replied Fangle, cheerfully, zone
Of the most successful business men in the
city is blind man.
"Ynu surprise mel What business is he
tn?'
"He is wholesale dealer in window cur
tains," replied the bad man, as he moved
out of range.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08
verx Plain when You KNOW.

When you ask Georgia man how far it is
to the next plantation, and he answers that
It is "a peek and right smart screech," heis
supposed to mean that it is as far as you can
see from where you stand and then as much
farther as strong voice can be heard.-AL-
baNu Argus.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08
lived up to His Increment.

A New York paper tells How to- get rich, !"
and the first direction is, Live up to your
engagement" We know a man in Boston
who lived up to his engagement and now he
has family of seven. threadbare suit.
twenty-seven cents in his pocket and nothing
in the Enthusiastically Journal.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08

commodated on
such a vehicle is:
Six on shafts, ten
on regular seats,
three on back seat
and two on step
behind-grand to-
t al, twenty-one.
This means "com-
70 r t a bly," but
generally there are
babies and children
crowded in, and a
fair average on q
big day is twenty
five people for one
horse, and the way
that h orse goes
would make an
American car-horse
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08

particularly dirty and persistent and
are up to all manner Of tricks ID engage
your attention
But the beggars are not the only peo-
pie one sees; if it were so you would soon
tire of the ride. The people here, espe-
cially at this time of the year, seem to
live out of DOORS They carry on their
business n the open street. They bar
gain and s,ll on the pavements; they
gossip and talk in the doorways. The
women seem to carry on their own
housekeeping outside on the sidewalks.
The old women do much of this work
because the young are either helping the
men or working in the fields. Now
and then you see a pretty girl
who seems to have withstood the hard
work and the hot sun. The girls of the
country dress differently from their sisters
of the big city. The woman of the city
takes the greatest pride in her couture.
She has a most astounding way of
fixing her hair. When dressed she pres
ents curious appearance. Her sister
in the country, however, is different.
She arrays herself with simplicity, and
as she has beauty and freshness, one
cannot, as he sees her sitting in the
doorway of her home as he rides along,
but say she is the best looking.
But work does not seem to hurt the
italian girls. They do everything a man
does in the way of labor, and seem to
grow fat But it is not all work and
no play for the people of Naples. They,
like all Italians, are passionately fond
of music, though to go to the theatres
to hear an opera is far from pleasant
for an American. Why? Because if
the people in the theatre take
fancy to an aria or solo and they happen
to know it, first one man among them
starts helping the singer on the stage,
then others in the audience follow suit
until all of them are singing and the
voice of the poor artist is lost in the
tumult. Then when the aria is over
and the audience have enjoyed it they
will applaud and encore themselves.
But, alas! if the artistic on the stage
does not sing well or know her music,
the audience will stop her and make
her begin all over again. Naturally
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08
WHY HE FAVORED IT.

"Are you in favor of prohibition?" asked
man on the cars of his seat-mate.
in favor of prohibition replied the lat
ter; II should just say am. Why, man, I
keep drug store"
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08
And he Lies both Times.

Before marriage the question girl asks
her lover most often is: "Do you really love
me2R After marriage the question becomes:
eofiOn
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08

Optimistic young men soothe themselves
with the fact that a plate of ice cream
doesn't come so high as theatre ticket after
all.--Nea0 Hdven Meas.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08
staanton. Va, June i, 1857

btduhtOIls W. julio 70, Io5I.
Augusta Female Seminary.
MEssRs. MAXWELL HAzLETT & Co.
telegraphed TO YOU this morning 10 send me
halfbarrei more of "Freneh Gray Plastic Painf'
by freight Immediately. am delighted with ne
Plastic Paint, both white and colored, and intend
using II altogether in the future. Sorry had NOT
MADE my arrangements to do so this year, butbars
been SO often disappointed In advertised articles
that preferred testing IL myself, and with graft.
lying results Please send at once Enclosed
find check forS5.50 Respectfully,
lsgnedl N. J. BALDWIN. Is
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08
Especial CorresDondencs.l
NAPLES, June 10.

w may
think this initial
letter an exaggera-
ton, but any day
on the road from
Naples to Pompeii
you will see dozens
hundreds / was
about to write
of just such spec
tacles in the course
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08
NEAPOLITAN SCENES.
THE LAND OF DARK-EYED BEAU
TIES AND MUSICIANS.

A Good Many Passengers for One Horse
to Draw-Festoons of NTacaroni Along
the Roadside-Types Of Beauty-The
National Love for Song and Dance.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08
The Midland Journal.
Rising Sun, Cecil County, Md.
ROLLING IN WEALTH /.


c.M.s.
Now let me see, how
rich I'll be,
~ Q MW with all these things
EllhaA Zlaf .. I'm getting;
!. There's one, two, three
old hens see,
- 80, Upon their nests are
1A setting.
There do you hear my chanticleer
Upon the fence crowing2
There's four, five, six, young little chicks,
Already Matched and growing.
A young pup have, and o, my!
But he is fat and funny,
There's seven, eight nine nice eggs are
mine,
o, I'll make lots of money.
I'll buy a dress and hat, guess,
And such lovely bonnet,
With birds and things, and colored wings.
And ribbons fastened on it.
And that's not all; parasol,
With handle silver mounted;
30 many rings and pretty things.
They never can be counted.
I'll buy horse and cart, of course
A house and lot and stable;
And then I'll call my friends, SO all
May sit about my table.
o, me! o, my What won't buyr
There's really no telling;
Because you know young chicks will
grow,
And eggs are always selling.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08
wAYs1DE WISDOM.

SIXTY SECONDED.
Thenceforth with pain and anguish rife,
The days of one accused of crime;
Because, the minutes sad of life
Are always seconded by time.
~
An exchange speaks of mans shivering
at the point Of pistol" Truly it is freez-
ing point.
~
SABLE CAUCUS.
A crow that with some other crows
A point of interest discusses,
More than the politician shows
The pertinence of the cav cusses.
~
Fashion item reads: "Corsage for dinner
cut low" What will not fashion do next?
Corsage for dinner! Evidently this must
be followed by polonaise trimmed with fuchu
salad, and silk overskirt garnished with
wire hustle, supplemented with undressed
kids, spiced with decolletes.
#*x
TRUTH OF THE MATTER.
Much talking is analogous
To noise in bubbling shadows found.
The empty are the garrulous,
An hollow makes the loudest sound.
Nv
Cries the moralist as he observes the eff
Terminate dude: SIT is time to draw the
tinel" Aye-Masculine.
~
KEEP COOL.
The men who know that they are weak;
Who chide themselves in secret thought
And hesitate before they speak,
Have not entirely lived for naught.
Such hesitation oft contains
The secret of great success.
A rare exception that, which gains
Through an impulsive eagerness.
CHAD. Mccoy.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-07-08

these Interruptions delay
the performance ofttimes
until way after midnight.
But what the people enjoy
are the strolling bands of
musicians. l saw one scene
of the kind where the
audience was composed of
Q monk, a soldier, with
his nat and feathers, a
Los Angeles daily herald., 1887-11-11
HOTEL ARRIVALS yesterday.

ST. CHARLES HoTFI~R Griffin, Fresno;
T A Whitaker, Massachusetts; Bruno Nick ell,
Arton; A Parker. Lou sville; McCarty.
Anderson: w l. Claxton, Spencer, Iowa; F
ID Romayne, Boston; Geo Dight, San Fran
cisco: Brown, Sacramento; Ed Brady,
Sas Francisro: Chas K Lypman. Sacramen
to: Chas r Hevelin, San Francisco; W II
Moody, Minneapolis; A M Rorland, Benicia
b Black, Texas; OW Raymond. Pasadena {:
J NJ Dwyer, Geo w Sheppard. Texas: A G
Milliken, Waco, Texas: Herman Smith,
Arizona; w NJ Cox, san Francisco: Peter
Laveen, August Straus. George Half, d
Gilchrist California; A II Smith, II Acker-
man, Arizona; B Miller. Red Oak, Iowa.
] III Bruce, Creighton, Neb; Y jenkins,
Orange: NJ Clarkson, San Francisco; Mrs
Bell Green, Boston: o Garlick and wife,
Pomona: A Clark, Tehachepi Geo
Digit, san Francisco: J G. Jones, Calico;
l. Lew, w A Sones, San Fransisco; F Lien
ares; neCarthy, Spadra; Geo II Lewis
md wife, Santa Monica; J Gallagher, New
York: A II Paine, C Mullin, Pasadena; F
MeGOvern, San Fernando.
PIco HoUsE-Wm Connell, GLASGOW; G T
Altuow. Hutchinson. MINI; ] SlOan Col
ton; VIM W Millard. Iowa; Jno r Well +,
Prescott II G. Hsrr and family, Fl Kim
bail, N.w Y, rx: l. II KIM all, Chester, N II !;
Isaac A Hill, Minder, Neb; + = COdgkins,
Del villa. Orgn: Close, New York: II
T. Horn, Pittsburg; Driscbll, Fort Worth;
w Blasdel, Oakland; HV Blasdel, Ogden !;
Ere Smith, San Francisco: NJ v Carbaugh
Mt Pleasant: II Kennedy, M J Clohesny,
Waverly, N Y; J w Rodgers, LOgansport, Ind /:
A b Foster and family, Cincinnati; L Hun
ter, MOnrovia.
Los Angeles daily herald., 1887-11-11
SAN PEDRO SHIPPING.

Especial to the HERALp.i
SAN PEDRO. November 10, 1887.
ARRIVED.
S.eamer Eureka, Hannah, from San Fran
cisco. with passengers and merchandise for
Southern Pacific Railroad Comoany.
steamer Alex Duncan. Trlbhl", from San
Fran cisco, with BitIminous rock for South
ern Pacific Railroad Company.
Steamer Orca, Crawford, from San Fran
cisco, with merchandise for Southern Pacific
Railroad Company.
steamer Serena Thayer, McVicar from
Eureka, with lumber for w. II. p. l.. Il NJ
Co.
Schooner Francis Alice. Arthers, from
Eureka, with lumber tor 8. P. l. Co.
Schooner Jas. A. Garfield. Morse, from
TTmnqua, with lumber for Schallert, Ganahl
& Co.
Schooner Mary Gilbert, Artson, from Albi-
sou, with lumber for Willamette Steam Mill
and lumber COMPANY.
Ship C Sargent, Baker. from Nanaimo,
with b. C. Coal for Southern Pacific Railroad.
SAILED:
S.eamer. Laguna, Baese, for Fort Bragg,
with Ballast
Barketine, John Warster Johnson, for
Portland, with Ballast.
Ship Carralton Lewis, Nanaimo, with Bal
last.