Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1887-05-14
stor Ras mHna


was In q first-cIass restaurant din
ing with g friend, and feeling IN & gem
erOus mood, called for q box Of sar-
dimes.
@Mind, now, I said to the waiter, AT
want the genuine article none Of the
down-Esst imitation
very. well"
He disappeared and soon returned,
bringing what seemed to be the real
thing called for, picked up our check,
replaced it with one calling for fifty
cents more, smiled, and retired.
%Ah!" I said, tipping back the lid,
which had been Bkillfuliy opened by
the waiter, @here Is food &c for king.
Look, I added, turning the box about
SC that my companion could read the
legend neatly inscribed on the gilt
band encircling the sardine bOx-G
PblLlLle dOliUe-@no imitation about
that, eh. Try one
My friend thrust his glittering fork
into one of the tempting morsals,
when, to the astonishment of US both,
1t began to work its gills and WiggIe
Its inns and tail. Its eyes snapped
y1ciously. My friend WRs about to drop
his fork in amazement, believing the
fish to be beWitched, when to our WON
der it suddenly spoke out in a low but
Ineligible voice:
Il am no sardinel"
What are your" I asked eZcitedly.
Only a herring, a harmless little
herring" 1t replied innocently. II
never saw France; I don't even under
stand the language OF the label on the
box that recently contained ne; I
don't even know what an olive is, but
if you want any information concerning
cotton seed you can consider me au-
thOrity."
By this time my friend had somewhat
recovered his self-possession, and, lay
ing the talking fish tenderly upon his
plate, waved his hand and said, In an in
terested way: go on; you seem to be
quite entertaining.
Entertaining? o, no, replied the
little herring, with a difident look;
mot at all; L never had q college edu-
cation; if 1 had might not have been
boxed up here with my unfortunate
friends, but might have been editing a
grocery journal, exposing canned
goods frauds and other abuses. No, I
am only a'little herring very small
fish from the coast Of Maine"
From Maine ?"
eyes, Maine. would not have to
~ HAUL tlA4ECA NOl W uDlOB DlI l44GL4s
you see, there isn't many people who
know the difference. There's many
noble young fellow in this country who
cuts of his horses tail, drives and
talks English, who would pass for
genuine cOckney IN Zululand. Yes, 1
am dOWn-East Yankee from Eastport.
~Eastport?" I calculated.
ayes, close to Canada, where a good
many sO-called sardines would like to
be in certain emergencies. 1 wish 1
was back there to-day frisking IN my
native element; but I am doomed it
seems, to not only be deVOured by our
good friend here, but to tickle his
palate as I go down with a genuine
sardine flavor. No, I am no sardine; I
am only q herring-a harmless little
herring from Maine"
We were fast growing interested.
"You see" continued our fshy little
friend, some smart fellows down East
found out by experiment how they
could make me taste so much ike the
real French article that no American
could tell the difference, so they went
into the business on q large scale. The
cottOn-fields of the South furnish the
seed-this makes the oil In which We
are boiled, spiced, and made to taste so
delicious. Take a nip at ne! There,
now, you wouldn't dream that you had
the taste of cotton In your mouth,
would you? But it's there all the
same. No sardine? No q Z halle
d'OLiUe-onIy cotton-seed oil and a
harmless little herring.
Money in us? Yes, I should think
so. Let me see; we cost about five
cents a box-a whole box Of Us, Just
Think The packer sells Us at a profit
of from five to seven cents; the retailer
sells Us at about thirty cents, and by
the time We get to you on the
restaurant table we are worth fifty
cents. Not bad for a poor little Yankee
herring, is it? And the a Ph1LitLs de
cotton, in which we are immersed, Is
none of the best either. "-GTOcers'
Criterion.