Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-02-16

make 1t ey-eight.-Georgia MAJOR.
A daily chicken train has been
started on the Pennsylvania Railroad.
They have a passenger Cochin the
rear and a locomotive to pullet.-
Pittsburgh Chronicle.
"Never yield to despair" says the
philosopher. That would be a good
motto for the poker player-never
yield to that or any other kind of a
pair.-Richmond State.
"Mr. Isaacs. can you tole me we're
vas the first diamond ?" "No, Mr..
Yawcobs, we're vas it ?" Ivy, Noah's
son on der ark he vas a Shem of
fust water."-Boston Commercial
Bulletin.
A scientist says that discord
struck violently on piano will kill a
lizard. 1t may be, but one can't al
ways get at piano so easily as he
can grab a stick, which is just as good.
Boston Post.
We noticed in a morning contem-
porary, Sound Steamers Not Run
ming" We trust no unsound ones
except the navy vessels are on the
wave.-Rochester Post Express.
Mrs. spaggins was boasting of her
new house. "The windows" she said,
"were stained" That's to bad but
won't turpentine or benzine wash it
Off" asked good Mrs. Oldboy-Ex.
The profits on the sale Of Arthur
Sullivan's Lost Chord" have reached
100000. BY St. Cecilia, and we
would lose whole woodward for half
the Observation-Disclosures Hawk-Eye.
A gardener who married an ex-
tremely homely widow gave as rea-
son for his action that he had strong
aversion to weeds and never saw them
without using means to destroy them.
Boston Courier.
Yeast was invented in the year lev
en-New York News. And gaming
in the year won.-Henderson Gold |
Leaf Fingers were made in the year
five, and the first free lunch disap.
peared in the year ate.-N. Y. News.
Blifkins belongs to that class of
mortals who never go to the same
church two Sundays running. He
was met by Fogg last Sunday, who
asked him if he didn't think steepIe-
chasing was desecration of the
Lords day.-Boston Transcript.
He stood before her holding both
her hands in his, and he asked softly
"Why am like a railroad train ?"
because you never get anything to
eat?" mo, my own, it is because l
hold two-wrists. ."--Pittsburgh Tele-
graph.
"Are you the Judge of reprobates ?"
said Mrs. Partington, as she walked
into an Office of a Judge of probate.
IL am judge of probate" was the
reply. "Well, that's it, I expect"
quote the old lady. "You see my
father died detestcd, and he left sew
erel little infdels, and l want to be
their executioner."-
"My name hain't Wiggins, nor it
hain't Vennor. My name is Smithers
Smithers, if you please, and
l hain't much on predicting the wealth
er, but when I 60 home without any
meat for breakfast and Mrs. Smithers
finds it out, l can reckon OH an old
northeaster every time.-Somerville
Journal.
A Missouri scientific article contain
cd the following astounding statement
as mathematical truth: Timothy
O'Donovan ate doughnuts ferocious.
ly." The next number contained an
erratum which was charged up as a
Photographed error" 1t should
have read "Timco Damaos ct dona
ferentes. ."-Ex.
"I've just found out why lightning
never strikes twice in the same place." I
said farmer Furtow to the deacon, as
they stood under a tree during a s
storm.
"Why is it :" asked the deacon. G
Because, sir, the same place is new. .
er there after the lightning once hits J
it.-Ex.
Visitor-"Are you papa's boy r Z
Sonny-"Yes, sir"
Visitor-"Are you mamma's boy ?"
Sonny-"Yes, sir.
Visitor-"But how can you be pa ,
pas boy and mammals at the same /,
time ?" +"
Sonny, after pause-"Can't a O
pretty nice carriage have two horses ?"
Boston Beacon.