Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-07-10
CONFIDENTIALADVIC
BILL NYR GIVES SOME POINTS 10 A cous-
TRY COUSIN.
Nat Blus Points Now, Of Couss But Points
Of Timely Etiquette Relatives Whose
Friendship Varies as Tho hS-
cary Wobb!ss.
Ne,c York World

amount of confidence when I lay the toll
lowing private letter before the heated
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. RIVER,
SrATEoF MAINE, June 20, 1887. }
Mr.. Wm. Me-, World Office, Ner York
SIR have been q reader Of The World
for some time and have frequently noticed
,be alacrity with which you have come
forward and explained things through its
You must be, indeed, o kind
hearted man or YOU would not try TO throw
light on things Just to oblige other people
when Won do not, rs o matter OF fact Know
what YOU are talking about. Few men
would 50 far forget their own comfort as 70
do this in order TO please Others. Most
men are selfish and hang back when asked
a difficult question, preferring to wait I'LL
thew know how to answer it, but you, SIR,
YOU seem to be so tree always To come Tor
ward and explain things, and you are 30
buoyant and hopeful that you Will escape
the authorities, that / have ventured 70
write you in regard to q matter that feel
somewhat of an interest in. 1t Is now get
ting along into the shank Of the summer
and people from the great cities OF our
land are beginning TO care less and less ior
the a%llurements OF sewer gas n To sign
for n home in the country and TO banker
for the ''spare room" in u quiet neighoor-
hood nj 81 q week with beard.
have seen a great many rules Of eti-
auette for the guidance Of country people
who 20 to the city, but ! have never run
up against q large blue book telling city
people how to so conduct themselves as 70
avoid adverse criticism while in the coun-
try. Every little while some person writes
q piece regarding the queer pranks Of o
countryman in town and acts it out on the
stage and makes a whole pile OF money on
it, but We do not seem to get the other ! q
of this matter at all. What I desire Is that
you will give US q few hints in regard to
the conduct of city people who visit IN
the rural districts during the heated
term. | am not a professional sum-
mer resort tender or anything Of
that kind; but | am q plain man, that
works aud slaves in the lumber woods all
winter, and then blows it in, If you Will
allow the term, on some New York friends
of my wife's who come down rs they state,
for the purpose of relaxation, blu really 10
spread themselves out over our new white
coverlids with their clothes on, and mnr-
muir in a dreamy voice: "Oh, how resfful!'
They also kick because We have no ele-
waited trains that will take them down to
the depot, whereas / am not able and can
not get enough ahead or f~orehanded suifici-
to do 30, as heaven is my judge.
They bring with them a small son, who
is a pale, emaciated little cuss, with a
quiet way Of catching my little three-year-
old heifer by the tail and soaring the life
Of Der that is far beyond his years,
His mother thinks he will not live, may.
hap, IL grow up, and l hope she will not be
disappointed. Still, he has q good appe-
tite, aud u day last summer. besides his
he ate:
One ~pocketful green apples lpippins).
One pocketful green apples Ben Davis.
Three large stems rhubarb.
One hatful green g~ooseberries.
Two ginger cookies, without holes.
Three ginger cookies, with holes.
One admit cucumber, with salt on same.
One glass new milk.
Two unlocked hen eggs, on half-shell.
| laid of all that day from having in
order to follow the little rascal around
with n lead pencil and q piece Of paper and
see how much he would eat. That even
ing | thought what q beautiful night he
had selected for his death. The moon was
in aud out through the irothy,
fleecelined clouds, and | could imagine the
angels just behind the battlements put
ting the celestial bric-a' brac high enough
up 10 that Henry couldn't get hold Of IL
when he came. ! had a slow horse con
cealed behind the barn, with which ] in
tended going for the doctor. IL was a
horse with which / had failed to get the
doctor in time on q similar occasion, and
felt that he could be relied on now.
' Night settled down Old the riproarine
Piscataquis and -deepened the shadows at
the base Of Russell mountain. The spruce
gum tree Of the Moosehead lake region laid
aside its work for the day and the com.
mon warty toad Of the Pine Tree State he
gan 10 0ver estimate himself and initiate
his person with the bugs Of the evening,
o and then lighting mp his interior with
a lightning bug. II was a glorious even
ing that little Henry had selected and set
aside for his death. But he was really
the only one in our house who slept well
that night, and seemed 10 wake up thor
oughly refreshed. He is still alive rs ]
write, and il coming down here in July
emptier than ever.
oh, sir, can you help me? Will you
print this poor petition Of mine, with the
tearstains on it, and your reply 10 IL in the
World, and send me n copy Of the paper
that ! can show TO Henry's father, who IL
a cousin Of my wife's, but otherwise has
nothing TO which he can point with pridey
Yours sincerely, EBES l.. TEwEY.
Y. 81 have presumed some on your
good nature because ] have been told that
You was born here. | am sorry TO say that
has never overcome this entirely.
IL has hurt her with other towns in the
State, but you can Bee yourself that there
was no way we could provide against IL.
Ny wife sends love, and hopes you will
print this letter without giving my name,
or, II so, with a fictitious name, M they
call IL, and perhaps IL will fall into the
hands Of those people who come down here
every summer with nothing In them but
friendship and go home full Of
~victuals. ! wish you would put into Il
some way q piece that says that | do not re-
gard a Christmas present Of q chalk meer-
pipe, with a celluloid stem.
a an Offset against a summers hoard
of family that has more malaria than
good name Slap that in, in your genial
way, 50 as not to give offence, aud when
ever you visit your old birthplace and want
to just let 90 all hollis and have q good
time, ome right To our house. / have
lathed and plastered the cook room and
fitted it up as a kind Of In~ebriates' Home.
and ] would feel tickled to death To have
You come and zee what you think OF IT,
&. l.. 7.
p. s. again.-If you print this letter
Slocum would he a good delicious name to
sign to it, and | would want an extra copy
Of the paper also. r.
REPLY.
Sir-WiIl you allow me 10 say that ]