The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1887-11-27
COME BACK wILHELMINA."
Bill Nye's AFFECT Apology to q
Servant Girl.

| Servant Glfl.
DERsONAL-WILL THE YOUNG wO-
| Il man who edited the gravy department
and corrected proof at our pie foundry for
two days and then jumped the game on the
| evening that we were to have our clergy
man dine with US, please come back. or
write to So Park Row, saying where she left
the crackers and cheese
Come back, Wilhelmina, and be our
little sunbeam once more. Come back
and cluster around our hearthstone at
so much per cluster.
II you think best we will quit having
company at the house, especially peo-
pie who do not belong to your sex.
We will also strive, oh 80 hard, to
make it pleasanter for you in every
way. If We had known four or five
years ago that children were offensive
to you, it would have been different.
But it is too late now. All we can do
now is to shut them up in barn and
feed them through knot hole. If they
shrek loud enough to give pain to your
throbbing brow, let no one know, and
we will overcome any false sentiment
that we may feel towards them and
send them to the Tombs.
Since you went away we can see how
wicked and selfish we were. and how
little we considered your comfort. We
miss your glad smile, also your Ten
nessee Marble cake and your slate pie.
We have learned valuable lesson since
you went away, and it is that the blame
sh )uld not have rested you on alone.
IL should have been divided equally.
leaving me to bear half of it and my
wife the other half.
Where we erred was in dividing up
the blame on the basis of tenderloin
steak or peach cobbler, compelling you
to bear half of it yourself. That will
not work, Wilhelmina. Blame and pre-
serves do not divide on the same basis.
We are now in favor of what may be
called sliding scale. We think you
will like this better.
Another thing [ wish to write before
close the Illuminating personal. l
wish to take back nay harsh and bitter
words about your singing. | said that
you sang like shingle mill, but 1 was
mad when I said it, and wronged you.
l was maddened by hunger, and you
told me that mush and milk was the
proper thing for brain worker and
you refused to give me any dope on my
dumping. Goaded to madness by this,
l said that you sang like shingle mill.
but it was not my better, higher nature
that spoke. 1t was my grosser and
more gastric nature that asserted itself,
and now [ desire to take it back. You
do not sing like single mill-at least
so much as to mlslead praCticed ear.
Your voice has more volume and
when your upper register is closed is
mellower than any shingle mill I ever
heard.
We also made a great mistake in the
matter of nights out. While young l
formed the wicked and pernicious
habit of having nights out myself. |
painted for the night air and would go |
q long distance and would stay out a |
long time to get enough of it for mess !
and then bring 1t home in paper bag, |
but can see now that it is time for me |
to remain indoors and give young |
people like yourself chance, Wilhel- !
nina.
So if l can do anything evenings while |
you are out that will assist you, such |
as stoning ralsins or neighboring win
dows, command me. | am no cook, of |
course, but can peel apples or grind |
coffee, or hold your head for you when |
you need sympathy. l could also soon |
1cdIA W w Luc pldIu COOhIuSi Iuluk, |
and friends who come to see US after |
this have agreed to bring their din |
ners.
There is no reason why harmony |
should not be restored among us and |
the cid sunlight come back to our roof |
tree.
Come back, Wilhslmina. We need |
you every hour.
After you went away we tried to set |
the bread as we had seen you do it, but |
it was not success. The next day it |
came off the nest with litter of small |
shallow rolls, which would easily resist |
the action of acids.
If you cannot come back, will you
please write and tell me how you are
getting along and how you contrive to |
insert air holes into homemade bread. |
Bill Nye in New York World.