davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

IIUUhs-aII sIAts-CIItdp dl DUI-
hyte's.
John \ Murphy, of Pierce county, is
a school-teacher at home. and cannot
shake off the air of pedagogue while
in the legislature. He is tall beyond
the ordinary stature of men, but still
his hair seems to be troubled with cell
estial aspirations, and stands on end.
He is boyish-looking and rather awk-
ward. but John is no fool. and attends
to his business like an old hanl, instead
of falling into The pitfall that catches
so many young men who think they
must talk or every subject. Millcaa-
kee Journal.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

Trains s, 4, 5, run daily: and daily except
Sunday.
Through tickets 10 all points in the United
States and Canada on sale at Prescott.
Baggage checked through TO destination.
Peerless Dining Cars ami Pullman Sieepcrs on
all through trains.
Louis.
For tickets sleeping car accommodations. local
time tables, and other Information, apply 10
II. b. MCCRAN, Agent,
Prescott, Wis.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

Do not be misled by INSCRIPTIONS
dealers into buying any other than
"Briar Pipe" smoking tobacco.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10
LOCAL AND MISCELLANEOUS.

state supt. Thayer was home over
Sunday.
Winter dress goods at reduced prices
at Burhyte's.
Valentines at E. E. { M. Lev.
ings.
The spring term Of the Normal will
open April 4th.
The Junction MIL is turning out $50
barrels of flour per day.
Hersey Lord was down from Mime
apolis the first of the week.
John Eaton is suffering from a Sc
we're attack Of pleuro-pneumonia.
The little daughter of Tobias Lord
has been very sick.
1T. Cramer. of st. Paul, is visiting
in the city, the guest of Al. Ander-
son.
See in another column, the adver-
tisement of the Phoenix Insurance Co.
Of Hartford, Conn.
County Treasurer ROunce was in the
city Monday and favored us with a
call.
Mrs. Jennes, of Hammond, is visit.
ing with her parents Mr.. and Mrs. F.
Rogers.
Get prices on job printing at the
JOURNAL Office before ordering else
where.
Don't fail to take advantage of the low
prices being made on winter goods at
Burhyte's.
District Attorney Cook was in the
city last Friday and honored the JOUR
NAL Office with a call.
Horse distemper of severe type is
said to be prevailing in Pleasant Val
ley, st. CrOix county.
Mothers, teethiHg and fretfuI children
need DR.. ArnOld's Soothing and Quiet.
ing Cordial. Druggists. CSC.
The weather still comes in waves of
a most contradictory character. which
keep old zero dOdging for safety.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

Hersey Lord was down from Mime
apolis the first of the week.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

Horse distemper of a severe type is
said to be prevailing in Pleasant Val
ley, st. CrOix county.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

John Eaton is suffering from a Sc
we're attack Of pleurO-pneumOnia.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

|. T. Cramer. of St Paul, is visiting
in the city, the guest of Al. Ander
son.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

See in another column, the adver-
tisement of the Phoenix Insurance Co.
Of Hartford, Conn.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

The little daughter of Tobias Lord
has been very sick.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

The Junction MIL is turning out 45C
barrels Of flour per day.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

a telegram last evening announcing
the death of their sOn-in-law, Mr..
Chris. Abbott, stOckman OF southern
Kansas. Mrs. Gibbs left for Kansas
this morning to remain short time
with her daughter.
Bargains in cloaks and shawls at
Burhyte's.
A good house and lot on Second
street for sale at bargain. Very con-
venient to the business portion of the
city. Inquire at this office.
A special business meeting of the
Congregational Society will be held at
. O'Clock P. NJ. on Saturday of this week.
An important proposition from Rev.
Mr.. Dickinson, of Webster, OAK, is to
be considered. All members are
urged to attend.
By ORDER OF TRUSTEES.
The Hunt & HarrisOn's Minstrel
and All-Star Specially Co., which will
appear at Opera Hall Monday and
Tuesday nights, Feb. IA and Is, is not
a burlesque or novelty combination,
but most refined speciality company,
especially for lady audiences. Secure
seats early and avoid the struggle at
the doors. Reserved seats on sale at
Youells ( McMurphy's drug store.
Something New-block tin and Brit
tannia tea and coffee pots, at G. F. De-
WITT & Co.'S hardware store. 4l-4w
River Falls Cornet Band.
The River Falls Cornet Band has
been recognized, under the leadership
of Prof. j. f. Weeks, as follows:
J. E. Weeks-E Flat Cornet.
A. Rosenquist-Piccolo.
f. Whitehead-E Flat Clarionet.
r Plumley- Flat Clarionet.
f. Thayer-1st Flat Cornet.
A. Hendrickson-2d B Flat Cornet.
c. Burnett-solo Alto.
0. A Opsal-1st Alto.
II. Tozer-2d Alto.
\, l. BurnS-lst Tenor
L. Kleinoeder-2d Tenor
F. Cox-B Flat Bass.
w. Il. Avery-Tuba.
w. Campbell-Bass Drum.
NJ. Hevans-Snare Drum.
Josiah Thayer wishes to exchange
his city property in River Falls, for
improved farm property. 4l-tf
FoUSD.-A package containing a
dress pattern, which the owner can
have by calling at the Journal office.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

District Attorney Cook was in the
city last Friday and honored the JOUR
NAL office with call.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

Don't fail To take advantage of the low
prices being made on winter goods at
Burhyte's.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

Bargains in cloaks and shawls at
RnrhYte'S.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10
Dropped Dead.

We stop the press to announce the
sad fact that Mr.. F. B. Bracket fell
dead on the street at $3.50 p. m.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

The lecture on the wild Indian by
DR.. Parsons last Saturday night was
quite entertaining, and the speaker
evidenced by his narrative very ex-
tensive knowledge of the red man and
his peculiarities, gained during his
five years sojourn among them in the
service of Uncle Sam. He proved that
it is cheaper for the government to
civiliZe the wild man than it is to kill
him. The arctic atmosphere of the
hall and the necessary length of the
address were the only drawbacks en-
countered by the audience.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

Get prices on job printing at the
JOURNAL Office before ordering else
where.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

A good house and lot on Second
street for sale at bargain. Very con-
venient to the business portion of the
city. Inquire at this office.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

The spring term Of the Normal will
open April 4th.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

Mrs. Jennes, of Hammond, is visit.
ing with her parents Mr.. and Mrs. f.
Rogers.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10
Greatly Excited.


Not a few of the citizens of River
Falls have recently become greatly
excited over the astounding facts,
that several OF their friends who had
been pronounced by their physicians
as incurable and beyond all hope
suffering with that dreaded monster
COnsumptiOn-have been completely
cured by DR.. Kings New Discovery
for Consumption, the only remedy
that does positively cure all throat and
lung diseases, Coughs, Colds, Asthma
and Bronchitis.
Trial bottles free at c. r. Taggarts'
Drug Store, large bottles 81. SO
The house was not large enough to
hold the people that wanted to see
Uncle Toms Cabin last night. The
stage held all the advertised attrae-
tiOns, including the two TOpsys, the
two Marks, the donkey, the blood
hounds and the pony, beside the col
ored Jubilee singers. To judge the
merit Of the performance by the ap.
probation of the listeners it was great
success. The members of the COM
pany were as good as the play demand
ed. 1t is useless to wonder why this
old WORKOUT piece can continue to
draw. The prospects are that it will
be years before the public is relieved
If we must have Uncle Tom, Abbey's
| Company is the one most desirable as
they present it in such a manner as
never before seen in Utlea.-U Utica,
n. Y, Press.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

County Treasurer ROunce was in the
city Monday and favored us with 2
call.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

Valentines at f. f. & Ii. L. Lev.
ings'.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

Winter dress goods at reduced prices
at Burhyte's.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

FONDA package containing a
dress pattern, which the owner can
have by calling at the Journal office.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

State Supt. Thayer was home over
Sunday.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

Mr.. F. B. Bracket returned on Fri
day last from his tour through the
south and east, and says that, after all.
River Falls fits up to lis affections a
little better than anything found in his
travels. Mr.. Bracket during his ab.
sence visited Virginia, and spent some
time with relatives there, going thence
to Vermont in December. He returns
looking hale and hearty, wearing his
genial smile as of old.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10

Bal in Treas hands Jan. 81. 15s7......... ST 76
Respectfully submitted
Joseph NJ SMITH Treas
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-02-10
Chicago, Darlington q Northern Railroad.

TRAINS GOING SOUTH.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-11-03
THE FUNNY PROFESSOR.

Comments Of the Intelligent Competitors
Who Set UP His Copy.
Prof. Remington. of the Calacanthus
Academy, the author of many of the
amusing articles which have recently
appeared in the Daily Horn. called on
the editor of that journal several even
ings ago, and, after much "tittering,"
said:
If, sir, the articles which / have
been sending to your influential jour-
nal were humorous, l have now pre-
pared one for you that is unreservedly
funny-so funny, indeed, that even l.
after conceiving it. and thereby being
prepared for all surprises, can not read
it over without extreme laughter. l
should think that when an author
laughs at his own conceits it is the best
test of their mirth-provoking quail
ties. ARENAS Ward, you know, oft
en- laughed uproariously at some of his
Jokes, and what better bears out the
truth of my observation. the jokes that
most excited his laughter had the most
effect upon his readers
The editor, who was running Six
line advertisement for Calacanthus
Academy. agreed with the professor:
II am told" said the school man.
''that printers are fair judges of hui
NOR"
"Yes," replied the editor.
WILL 60 fhnvv ckrseyo
this article wave of mirth will ride
throughout your entire Office BY the
way, would like to take an unOb-
served position and hear their COM
ment.."
The editor consented, and the pro-
fessor secreted himself behind pile
of paper. He had to smother his
mirth when he recalled certain express
sions in the article. and once, had it
not been for the timely and vigorous
use of his handkerchief. he would,
with snort, have betrayed his hiding
place.
First Compositor with groan)-
Eve gone into the floral business.
Second Comprehension so?
First Compositor = Caught some
slush from Calacanthus.
Third Compositor with a grosn)-
Il that chump writing again?
First Composltor-Yes; and he's ex-
ira funny this time.
Second Compositor-He's calculated
70 make a man tired.
First Compositor - Yes. and yet
some people wonder why printers
drink.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-11-03

Third Conn ,ositor-The real wonder
is that they don t commit suicide.
Fourth Compoitor-Hello. I've got
. take of it Wish had that fellow.
First Compositor-What would You
do with him?
Fourth Compositor-Teach him to
stand on his hind legs
Third Compositor-He's getting fun
nier. Says here that a widow is .
widow because her husband won't live
wild 'er.
Loud groans.
First Compositor-Hold on; here's .
master stroke. Say that the yellow
negro ought to have more affection
for the mule than the black negro has.
because the yellow fellow is . mule
alto.
More groans.
The printers loudly thumped their
their cases.
Third Comrositor-Wonder if the
law would do any thing with q man
for killing him?
Fourth Compositor-Not if the jury
had any sense.
Second Compositor-That settles it.
If that fellow comes around here l will
battle my hands in his cold and watcry
blood.
The professor slipped away. As he
passed through the editorial room the
editor innocently asked:
Professor. won't you stay and look
over your proof"
mo. thank you. In fact, 1 don't
feel very well this evening."-z5d-
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-11-03
WHAT SHE WANT cd.

She didn't want . corner lot way out in Kansas
City;
She didn't want Turkish rug, she didn't think
them pretty.
She hadn't any use for oils, for chromos or for
waters:
She stuck her nose up at the dresses worn by
Jones daughters.
She Just detested diamonds, and thought jew
elry vulgar:
She had no love for ornaments Roumanian or
Bulgar
She wouldn't drive in coach and four, although
she might have had 'em,
But trudged along the street, as did her great
forefather, Adam.
She didn't like to travel on the trains, they went
too rapid;
And journey cross the ocean main she never
yet had mapped.
She didn't like the drama, and she thought the
ballet horrid;
She didn't like the weather cold nor yet SO very
torrid.
She was no novel reader, and took little stock
in poems,
Although she d now and then look over those
by DR.. Holmes.
She didn't care for household work, and had no
love for dishes;
She let her mother darn her hose, for she detest-
ed stitches.
She didn't care for isms, and she never wrote a
letter
To the papers, telling how she'd try to make the
whole world better.
She lived in Massachusetts. she was freckled,
old and tanned
And all on earth she wanted was-a marriage
able man.
George s. Crittenden, in It'd Ba&
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-11-03
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.

The Duke of Westminster =
brother-in-law to his own daughter.
joy Wo. . California Cinnamon.
has name suitable for all occasions.
Miss Murfree is devoted to tho
stubbiest of stub pens. and writes big
and plain. and in the style in which
dry-goods boxes are usually marked.
There are ninety-five libraries I'm
the city of New York. yet according to
the World only ten or twelve are open to
the general public. or about 1OO.0 600
books out of 1,4OO. 600 Boston and
Cincinnati are much in advance ot
New York in the matter of free cIrcu-
lating libraries
George Meredith. the author Of
':Dian of the Crossways." is hand
some man between fifty and sixty.
He has i-on-gray hair and most exc
pressive and interesting face. He il
large and tolerant of nature, genial
and unaffected. and to the last degree
witty and brilliant in conversation
Boston Globe.
Mr.. Laurence Hutton writes with
. very heavy stroke, leaving consider
able superduous ink on the page. At
one time when he was going over
some manuscript at friends house.
and dropping the sheets on the floor
as he finished them. the friends little
girl came into the room. take care.
Hop" said the lady, don't step into
Mr.. Hutton's manuscript. or you will
wet your feet "-Argonamt.
-Hogarth was so little thought ofiR
his day. except by few such admirers
as David Garrick and Mr.. Lane, that
he could not find purchasers of his
pictures, and as there was no place OF
exhibition but the sign painters mar
ket in Harp alley, Shoe lane. which he
was above resorting to, he invented .
sort of auction of his own and also
ratified some of his works. Public
Opinion.
1t is said that the late Alvan Clark,
the most eminent manufacturer of tel
escopic lenses in the world, never saw
a lens ground. 1t was his business to
take the lens which others had pre-
pared and give it the exquisite finish.
without which it would be useless to
the astronomer. In this work he had
surprising skill, although it is UNDER
stood that his sons inherit the peculiar
delicacy of touch essential in determin-
ing the perfection of lens-Public
Opinion.
"A gentleman the other day laid
wager that he would get an autograph
out of Lord Tennyson. who is remark
ably close in the distribution of his
sign-manual. The gentleman in ques-
ton sat down and wrote a polite note
asking the noble lord which, in his
opinion, was the best dictionary of the
English language-Webster's or Ogil-
vie's? That will fetch him. thought
the man who set the trap. Did it? BY
the next post came half-sheet of note
paper. on which was carefully pasted
the word ''Ogilvie." cut out of the cor
respondents own letter.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-11-03
Two Expensive Legs.

De Smith-Did YOU ever hear of a
man having pair of legs worth S4O.-
600 apiece?
McGinnis-I never did.
''Well, man in Chicago named
Pete jenkins has got legs quoted at
that figure"
Nonsense; nobody ever had legs
quoted at $4,000 apiece"
.'Well. read the paper for yourself. "
McGinnis took the paper and read:
THE furniture warehouse of Wilson
& Jones was burned to the ground last
night An iron safe was overturned
on the porter. breaking his legs Loss.
$4,000 Teas Siftings.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-11-03
HUMOROUS.

The Laplanders are said to be dy.
ing out. Possibly. possibly; but ask
some handsome young man before you
accept the report as a fact.-Neu
Hauen NesOs.
-''Oh, you bad boy" said his
mother, angrily, chow did you come
to be so careless as to tear your pants?'
II fell so quick didn't have time to
take them of. '-Ieras SJ1ings.
Not that Kind of a Match
"Maybe you did make good MATCH
She flung back in angry scorning;
"But not q match that will get up
And light the fire in the morning."
-Harper's Bazaar.
Uncle John "Why, my girl.
you've grown like cucumber vine!
What progress are you making to-
wards matrimony?' Clara-"Well.
uncle, I'm on my fifth lap."-Neso
Haven NeUs.
Say. maw," said studious little
African. 'ef Chiny am straight down
fro on de oder side. and we are all
whizzin' roun' and roun' on disher
earf, what am de reason dat we neb-
Der gifts dhar?''
Wife Cooking over bilD-"Do you
remember, my dear, how many brook
trout you caught on your fishing trip
last Saturday." Husband "There
were just twelve of 'em, all beauties!
WhyP'' Wife-"The dealer has made
a mistake. He only charges for half
dozen. Life.
Yes" said the man from Biggs-
vile, 1--WE are having an old-fashioned
boom. Four railways heading our
way, street car company organized.
new stock-yards ':New stock
yards?' THAT'S what say" How
large are they?' 20. they're small
yet I'm using 'em for hog-pen just
uow."-Lincoln Journal.
"A former foundryman OF Roches-
ter was in the habit of giving his men
an annual picnic at the lake beach.
where the men enjoyed the luxury OF
a bath in the limpid waters. A visitor
from the West one winter called upon
an employee of the foundry-an old
friend-and. after mutual greeting.
said: "Why, Jim. how black and
grimy you look" EYES," replied
Jim, II missed the excursion last
summer. "-Rochester Onion.
-Blinks-" What? Can't drink at
all?" Doctor" 1t will not be safe
for you to touch any more liquor. ex-
cept under very exceptional circum-
stances" 20, what's them?" "Well.
if you should be caught in the rain
and get very wet. then. in your weak
condition, alcoholic stimulants might
be necessary II see. How much
do owe you?'' "Never mind about
that now; send in my bills quarter.
~" " But Tn going away. and may
not see yoo again" Going away"
eyes. stree; going back East To-
dry = climate here."-Omosa Rsre4
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-11-03
General O. O. Howard has be

General O. O. Howard has been
presented by some of his San Francis
co admirers with an unique gift in the
shape of flag robe, in shape, size and
color of the regulation storm-fag OF
the United States army. The body OF
the flag is of the finest wool and bound
with satin. Tho thirty-eight stars are
wrought into the blue shield with silk.
Altogether the effect is most striking
and beautiful
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-11-03

"A pickpocket now and then gets in
his work on the proprietor of a seaside
hotel, but the instances arantoo rare to
give the guests Of the house any great
consolation.-Detroit Free Press
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1887-09-14
FARM AND GARDEN.
Ashes in Fruit Culture.

A correspondent Of the American
Garden says; | have always had the best
results from the use of ashes in fruit cul-
ture, and in some cases the results were
in proportion to applications far more
liberal than l would have daredoto re-
commend Thus, one spring was set
ting an apple tree two years old of the
Maiden's Blush variety (never a pre-
cocious variety with mel in location
that seemed to have been intended by
nature as "a thorn in the flesh" as long as
| included it in my orchard. II was i'm
possible to drain it at any expense justi-
fled by the probable results, and tree
rarely lived in it longer than two years.
In this particular case, until l had the
hole dug, it was nearly filed with water.
felt desperate, and, procuring bucket
OF unloachcd wood ashes, put them in
the hole, deposited the roots of the tree
below the surface Of the water and filled
the hole as best | could. The tree
blossomcd the succeeding fall and ever
after has been vigorous. Since then /
have treuched around my orchard trees
all the wood ashes, either leached or un-
leached, that could conveniently get.
One spring incorporated ashes in the
soil about some grape vines that l was
setting out, giving to each vine about
half a bushel. Inevcr before had grape
vines do so well.
The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1887-09-14
The Modern ParIOr.

In this era of high art decoration the
parlor suffers the most, for it is literally
crowded with ornaments of one kind and
another, and to such a degree that the
room looks more like bazar than liv-
ing room. But there is this difference in
connection with furniture, that the old
parlor sets-a cumbrous sofa, a marble
topped centre table and six heavy, hard,
cushioned chairs, which were positively
painful to mortal flesh-are no longer the
ne plus ultra of good furnishing. There
are now comfortable, soft, downy-
ioned chairs of different sizes aud shapes,
and which fit any and every back, and
which are so comfortable that when once
seated no one wishes to leave-Detroit
Tribune