The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1887-04-28
WIT AND HuMOR.

ause he always rides. He makes Others
walk, however Boston Transcript.
A new theory is that lockjaw is con-
agious. Anyhow, it would be harm
ess experiment to cause a Congress
nan to contract the disease.-Neto i
Hauen Ne,ns.
.sTlis is one of the silent watches of |
the night remarked Fangle, as he
looked at his timepiece on rising this
and found that it had stopped
at II D. m-Pntsbarq Chronicle.
A new volume just issued is entitled
1.-The Anatomy of Money" We trust
an entire chapter is devoted to the
vocal organs to show how and why it
is that money talks and what it says
Press.
s.What wuz de tex dis mornin'. Mr..
johnson? l wuz too late" '1t.wu
about de meracles, Bro. Snow. Whar
de Lor' fed seven people on 5000
baskets of fish, Il don't see any
meracle about dat 80, de meracle
am dey. all didn't bust" Judge.
Mrs. What do you sup
pose possessed Mrs. Brown to tell me
your mother kept boarding-house.
Mrs. Parvenue?' Sally Parvenue (who
is precocious) )-..Perhaps it was the
same reason that made her tell mann
ma that your father drove hack
Life.
A lady was once lamenting the i'll
luck which attended her affairs, when
20 hnr hadn
her ..look upon the bright side 80"
she sighed, .'there seems to be no
bright side'' ..Then polish up the
dark one,' was the reply. This was
sound adyice.-LiUing Church,
..Half-fare for that big boy" ex-
claimed the conductor. ..Did the ticket
agent see him when he sold You the
ticket for him?" '.Of course he didn'
snapped the woman. ''But you must
remember it's some time since we
started. You didn't expect the child
to stop growing, did you?" ?"-Pitsdurg
Dispatch.
.sWcre you at the opera last night?"
inquired young Ponsonby of a friend.
"Yes. Wasn't it charming?' 80, l
the stage long enough, though, for a
fellow to be able to give a critical
opinion" s.Who weren'tp" ''The
ballet, of course. Pittsbasrg Dispatch.
The latest acquisition of dime
museum is a man who has a spiral
neck, shaped something like a cork
screw. 1t is supposed that he sat in a
l. LII, ..,I sfrt, hat md frrrsc tod
his neck out of shape in trying to get
a glimpse of the stage. 1t is a wonder
there are not more such ''freaks. y
Nor7istoiOn Herald.
Dumley had been indulging in some
lofty flights. of fancy when he was in
ferrupted by Featherly. '.Well. what
in Great Cesar's name have you been
drinking to-day, DumleyP" he asked.
..Drinking?" replied Dumley, with con-
scious pride. Il haven't touched q
drop to-day s.Well, thought some
thing was the matter. ~. Y. Sun.
A Burlington woman hailed half
frozen tramp the other day: Say
come around to the back door and III
give you something" when the
claimed: There, you've done a gooo
job for me- You've broken path to
the clothes-line, and here's a temper
ance tract for you. ."-Burlinqtoas Free
Press.
In a certain town in England &
curate tickled his congregation ont
Sunday morning by saying, '.Hert
endeth the first inning,'' after reading
lesson No. l. After the service tht
clerk told him of the circumstance, tt
which the superior calculated: '.Dit
/? Well, l was thinking about tina
fine catch made yesterday"
Free Press.
..And so your dear Uncle David i
deadp Was he sick longe" 'Not ;
great while, but he was a great sufferer
Everything, however, was done for hin
that was possible" ''Then, of course
you are all satisfied with his medica
treatment?' 80, yes; that is to say
all of us except Cousin John. Uncl
David didn't leave John anything bu
the family Bible. boston Transcript
.sSee here" remarked the boss t,
the new man who wanted work
-'aren't you one of the fellows VIII,
went out on strike three weeks ago?'
.Is it meP" demanded the new man
WAS it a strike? Tree weeks ago
All, thin, be me sowl, haven't bel
tin days in America. It's only las
week l landed, late in the avenin'-
bad luck to the ship that brought me
just twenty minutes too late to voat.
Bardette
Prevaricatlon: Uncle Primrose
Where you git dat yer pullet, Clawe
Glad? Clawed-I done WIN him in
rattle. Uncle PrimroselClawed you
lynn; all dem raffler chickens WI
dead ones-picked and ready for cook
in. Clawed-Dis one wuz jes in
frawnce, Unk Primrose, en- for
Lawd, he come to, an put on he
leaders when l winned him, an h
done see he wuz in sech safe comp'ny
.-Ifd-Bids.
Two ladies were discussing an aftel
noon tea as they rode along in a Bac
Bay car last Friday, and, among som
of the frank criticisms offered for th
.OCncAO VI tiC OIhCI oll
said: Il can't imagine why Mr.
Blancmange asked that Grubb girl
pour chocolate. She isn't anybody
ever heard Of" 20, know why,
said the other sweetly. 'She happer
to have pretty profile. .'-Bosto
Herald.
Hendricks Universal Pomatum
a sure protection against robbers an
burglars! A thief lately entered til
house of Meyer Hirsch, the millionair
where he succeeded in breaking ope
the safe; however, he left all the gol
and other valuables untouched, an
took away only one box of this POM
fum, which is more valuable than a
the treasures of the world. And y,
we offer it at the miserable low prit
of sixpence a pot. -Abemdzeitung.
It is a binding snow-storm. I'll
cold wind sweeps the icy particle
along with pitiless fury. The peop
whom you meet are muffied to the ey,
in wraps and furs. All, here comes
Young man. He is clad in a suit