The Palatka daily news. (Palatka, Fla.) 1884-1888, 1887-01-07
THE LIME KILN CLUB.
AN ADDRESS ON THE SUBJECT OF
RICHES VS.. HAPPINESS.y
The Hon. Skyfustus Billington Ascends
the Platform-Wealth Does Not Al
ways Bring Consolation and Content
men.-Adyice to a Young Man.


81 desiah to denounce to dis assemblage,'' -
said Brother Gardner as the meeting
opened, ''dat de Hon. Skyfustus Ellington
of New Orleans, am in de aunty room an
am waitin' to address on the subjeck Of
Riches VS.. Happiness De Hon. Skyfus-
tus has addressed us befo' an it am need
less to 'splain to you dat he knows de biz
ness of oratory as well as hoss doctor
knows what ails a sick mule. He am rich
in wisdom, 'sperienced in philosophy an
has trabbled mo miles on freight trains dan
any odder orator in de world. Doorin' his
address desire de silentest quietness. Any
pusson found guilty of frowing shucks
around viii be sot down on wild terrible
airnestness befo' de lodge closes De re-
cepshun committee will now escort de
gemlan in"
The committee left the hall for that pur-
pose, and soon reappeared in company with
the visitor. While he was taking a drink
Of water and removing his neck-tie, collar
and suspenders the brethren had a pretty
good look at him. He sized up two stories
and basement, about forty five years old,
knees rather out of true feet which
wouldn't rattle around any i'll pair of No.
12s, and mouth built on purpose for
pumpkin pie. He bowed right and left to
sil acquaintance, ascended the platform
with a skip, and at once began:
RICHES VS.. HAPPINESS.
My frens, what am richess You can't
tell me. | see by de blank 'spreshuns on
your faces dat you can't. Riches, my
frens, consists in being rich. If you am
rich you hain't poor. If you am poor
you hain't rich. OATS bin my 'speri-
ence fur de last fifty y 'ars, an while it has
cost me n good deal of money l am willn'
to gin il to you fur muffin. Suppressed
eypitament over ppttipcr sometbipO for. moth
ing). We hev seberal men in dis kentry
worth more'n 100000 Dey wallow in
riches, but what about deir happiness
Oar must be some consolasnun in being
able to walk into a grocery an tell de gro
Ger to send up fifty pounds of balSin pow
der an a millyon clothes pins, but does dat
rich mogul sleep any soundcr dat night den
tle man who ha, drank sixteen cent tea fur
supper OF cose he doan't. Like nuff he
dreams of dem VERY millyon clothes pins,
an in his dreams he towel ON a
clothesline an cherry pin ain tryin' to stick
him fast. y (tirunts of satisfaction from all
over the hall.l
My frens, continued the speaker as he
began to warm up to his work, ''de rich
man walks on velvet ca'pets, an he sots
down ON stuffed cheers, an he has Sara
toga 'taters cherry meal He jist rolls in
ham am eggs, an he walks all ober fricas-
Hoo, sots on a hard cheer, an his 'taters
am billed wild de hides on. Yet who am de
happiest? You will say de rich man, of
co'se, but dat's whar' yer toes turn in.
When night comes de poo man has no
fear % burglars; de noosepapers hain't
gwine ter pitch inter him in de mawnin;
his wife hain't gwins ter 'lope wild emmy
body; his son am not gwine ter be spelled
from college. He jist sits der an eats snow
apples an popco'n, an contentment drips all
ober him" Sensation. during which Elder
Toots became excited and yelled ''fire," at
the top of his voice.
"De rich man wars broadcloth!' con-
tinued the orator after getting away with
another drink, AN he rides in his keer-
idge an he goes to de opera. You envy
him, but what poo fules you am, All de
time he am ,loin' dis he am 'spectin' dat de
smallpox will break out in his family an
take cherry one of 'em Off. De poo man
goes afoot wars plain WOODEN, an he doan'
know what lie inside of an opera house looks
like. AS "a reward he nebber has de small
pox nor dipthyria. (Chuckles of satisfac-
ton, during which raw potato hit Sam
uel Shin III the neck