The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-11-24
manitomof pilot.
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER "a, 1887.
WIT AND HUMOR.

"A magazine writer ASKS: 'oHoulo
fortunes be limited?" The trouble
with most peoples fortunes is that they
are limited-yery limited.-Baltinaore
american.
1t always bothers Frenchman who
is learning English to read that a
murder has been committed and the
next day that the murderer has been
committed--N Y. Tribune.
Now, how must | do with this wed.
ding cake to dream on it?" asked a
gushing damsel of matter-of-fac1
young man. just eat it; that's all,
was the reply. Washington Critic.
In organizing conversational
society" the young ladies of Council
Bluffs have filed lonc-felt want
Women are lovely creatures, but then
habitual silence is oppressive. Onaaho
World.
Mabel, have something to say that
1 think will astonish you." what is
it, Harry?" Pm going away" 20
Harry! you are always getting uI
some nice surprise for me. "-Merchan
I'raUeLer.
1t is said that there was once Law.
yer who was not able and eloquent
but the bar association to which he be-
longed expelled him ignominiously
while in spasm of jealousy.-Ltnacot7
Journal.
In literature there seems to be 6
man constantly catching our ideas,
said a writer. Yes" some one re
Joined, "and the trouble is that he
catches them before you do. "-Arkan-
san Trareier.
It's funny, but crooked man is
often put in Il strai (gh) t-jacket. 1t may
seem paradoxical but it is fact, never.
theless, that the man who pursues
the even tenor of his ways never gets
off his base. Church Press.
I'm free to confess that want the
earth, said one to another. well, ]
see only one hope for you" What is
that?' "Get Jay Gould to make his
will in your favor. - Washington
Critic.
The coolest winds are those that
herald spring, the darkest hour is that
before the dawn, the greatest crooks
are those that never swing, the finest
watch is that we have in pawn.-Li'a-
coin Journal
A new contemporary is the Catri0.
1t is devoted largely to books, coins,
and pedigrees. 1t hardly seems
necessary to devote much space to
pedigrees. If one has coins pedigrees
become an unnecessary luxury
Life.
at gets. dark very soon," observed
McSwilligen. YES, replied Squildig,
land organized labor is responsible
for it." ''How do you make that out?"
"Why, haven't you heard of the de-
mand for shorter s?'-PiHsburg
Chronicle.
Have you heard of how Billhoover
is attempting to rival DR.. Tanner?
Hasn't eaten anything for twenty
days" "Is that so? He used to be a
perfect glutton." Yes, but his wife
does the cooking for the family now. u
Lincoln Journal
''Are you in favor of cremation?'
asSed one travelling man of another.
mo, can't say l am" whats the
objection?" 80, 1t always seemed like
hurrying things up little. They
might just as well let events take theil
natural course. "-Aerchant Traveller.
Dumley Cat the supper-table)-Yes,
| have spent most of the day at the
dentists. Mrs Hendricks the land.
lady)-Are you having your teeth
filled, Mr.. Dumley? Dumley (strug.
Cling with a steak)-Yes, ma'am:
filled and sharpened.- YORK
Sun.
They were to have young Mr.. Law
de Dab to dinner, and Miss Travis
quitely remarked, as she changed the
glass at his plate: Il must get Mr.
Lay de Dab some soft water. 1t
wouldn't do for him to drink anything
hard. you know."-Burltngtom Free
Press.
Smith-"You seem particularly Jolly
this morning." Jones-"I ought to.
as | have just made a cool $780, "
Smith-''How did you make itP'
Jones-'Why, l bought lot for ST.
800 and raised the price to $4,000
Good deal, that.-San Francisco
Wasp.
Il have Just ordered an elevator. "
said the Boomer to the Rustler "What
Tor another seven-story office build
lng? mo; for my front gate. You
see they have been grading our street
and must provide some means of get
ting down to grade. "-KanSas city
Journal.
Saloonkeeper Sunday morning.
who's that at the side door, Mike?"
New boy Gin frightened whisper)-
Its a cop Saloonkeeper-''We ll,
Why don't YOU let him in? Don't YOU
know better than to keep a gentleman
standing out there all day?"-NeW
York STU.
When man comes out in a crowd
and says he will not run for office he
reminds one very much of that other
man who pinned temperance pledge
on his coat so that some one would
ask him to drink under the mistaken
impression that he would refuse. -
Teas Sytings.
Mr.. Bumpus-''I saw you taking a
horseback ride this morning. Your
own horse?" Mr.. Mumpus-s'No; only
a livery hack" He looked like a
very fine charger" so l thought
until | paid the bill. Then the owner
Of the stable cast him in the shade. -
HGrper's Bdzar
The flexibility of the English
language is shown in the reply of an
lrishman to man who sought refuge
in his shanty in a heavy shower and,
finding 1t about as wet inside as ont,
said: You have quite pond on the
hoor.' ''Iis; shure we have a great
lake in the roof"
As soon as we get over the rush we
are going to invent big navy gun
that will throw deadly car stoves into
the enemy's vessels. Two grand re-
suits will be accomplished. The enemy
will be annihilated in particularly
melancholy manner and we shall get
rld of the car stoves. -SpriRgfeld
URi0n
Newspaper reporter (to servanD-
viii you learn if l can see Mrs. Jim
Gown TrOtter? Servant ION her re q.