The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1887-02-24
SESTABLISHED IN
I MARCH, 1S47.
THE MERRY SIDE |


Delaware has prohibited the manufacture of
oleomargarine. This gives the soap factories a
chance
The only thing that approaches the uncer-
tainty of a baseball game, is the election of a
U. S. Senator.
The most popular book keeper according to
the headlines in the daily papers, is Book
keeper Short.
-.
A Chicago Court has decided that calling
man a "crank" is not libelous. On the contrary,
they seem to enjoy it.
Phil. Armour says he sis pleased with Presi-
dent Cleveland" Phil, it may be remarked,
is dealer in fat hogs.
The doggery-keepers of London, Ohio, have
organized to resist Local Option. The Devil
believes in organization.
A drunkard suicided at Fort Wayne, named
streetmatter. And such occurrences have lit
orally come to be street matters
-
When man is elected Alderman in New
York, his friends considered that he has passed
the lower court on his way to Sing Sing.
Wayne, Indiana. If it had been distillery
the stock wouldn't have been damaged.
The ground is soft enough now to offer in
ducements to the town, to tramp the front
yard into good shape for the lawn-mower.
Emile Paul, of New York, ate eighty-six
quail in forty-one consecutive days. The city
ought to hire his mouth for garbage dump.
A man named Braden, at Lebanon, was con-
victed of stealing beef-cattle. He now realizes
what fearful steak there was in such work.
+x+
The way to work the Ohio canaIs-fill them
with sailing vessels, and let the canal states
men of the Legislature to furnish the wind.
IS
"Kunnel" Rosser, of Texas, started out to
exterminate the White family. The "Kunnel"
will finish up the job on the other side of Jor-
dan.
Why not have a Presidential race between
Grady and Foraker? Each has made "the
greatest effort of his life," at New York
Banquet.
A. number of boarders at Springfield, Massa-
chusetts, were poisoned by eating brown bread.
This is the first fatal result of eating baked
saw-dust.
80
We are assured that Senator-elect Turpie, of
Indiana sis Stunned by his own party" That's
perhaps because he is in, and the rest of the
party are out.
If a smallpox patient should publicly parade
the streets, would the authorities put him out :?
Would he do more devilment than one dog
gery-keeper?
armed with deadly weapon, would not the
authorities shut him up? What weapon is
deadlier than a beer-mug?
Would you permit man to hold a rotten
J mackerel under your nose for couple of hum
dred dollars year? Would it be worse than a
beer doggery?
If there were ten slaughter-houses along
Broadway street, would the authorities refuse
to abolish them? They would be fully as
healthy as the doggeries.
s.
Cleveland is said to be ahead in the race for
second term. But he's putting some, and the
boys should rum up on him before he gets his
second (term) wind.
A boy will whine over the headache caused
by study at school, yet pose for a day and half
escapes of "The One-Eyed Detective" or "The
Ranger of the Rockies"
Mrs. Curry and daughter, of Lebanon, Ohio,
not in good health. They have not felt
right since they made breakfast lunch on
"Rough-on-Rats," !" a few mornings since.
R.C. NOISE, of the Yale Theological School,
WAS reiacted &" MisaiOnarV. becauSe
he didn't believe that all-sinners go to hell
when they die. The Board of Examiners prob
ably think Morse lacks experience.
There is nothing that will take the conceit
out OF man quicker than to step out into these
winds and suddenly behold his new hat taking
a voyage over the telephone wires.
The Democrats are extremely anxious for
Bob Kennedy to hurry up his resignation.
They'll never breathefreel until Bob gets out
of there.
A Virginian has sued Gen. Butler for one
hundred thousand dollars for imprisonment
during the war. JEFF. Davis claim against Col.
Pritchard will probably follow next.
Il.
A Congregational minister in Bellaire at
tackled, in sermon, all secret societies. Sew
enough for him before he was through.
-
A Medical College has brought suit at Lon
don, Ohio, for a body that has been buried over
two weeks. We suggest that the Sheriff be
required to hold the body until the case is
decided.
Henry Hix, of New York, ripped the bowels
out of his boy, with knife, because he would
not take dose of medicine. By the rapidity
with which he got in his work, he must have
been born doctor.
Hillsboro's Council decided that they could
not do without their liquor and the Local OPP
tion question shut out. That Council
should be presented with badges in the shape
of pewter beer-faucets.
The Jewish congregation at Youngstown cer-
tainly cannot complain that their Rabbi isn't
familiar enough with the parishioners. They
accuse him of forging the name of one of them
to note, and lighting out.
There is q sensational report that says Amer
lean horses are being largely shipped to En-
gland by secret agents. "for war purposes"
Well, they can't ride them back, and if fhey
ship them back Well take them away from
them.
Capt MCGUIRE, 'the champion swordsmen,"
had his "guard" broken down in Cleveland,
and reposes in the work-house. John Barley
corn gave him a thrust in the vitals, which dis
armed him.
Speaking of the veto of the Dependent PEN
sion Bill, the Courier-Journal says "the Presi-
dent has now quit whiting and gone to chop
ping wood.'' Isn't their possibility, though
that some of the flying chips may knock him
in the head?
Women will vote in Kansas, hereafter, on
municipal matters. 1t will be fun to see the
candidates for Council and Street Commissioner
strutting around on election day in plug hats