St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1887-12-26
MR.. AND MRS. B0WSER.
Mrs. Bowser Knows Coal Stove When
She Sees II.
MR.. BOWSER NOT A GOAT.
He Thinks He Knows How to Run a
Self Feeding Coal
Stove.

Detroit Free Press.
We heat our house with coal stoves.
1t isn't the best and most convenient
way, but when Mr.. BOwser was build
ing the house he got an idea that fur
mace heat warped all the woodwork and
that steam was dangerous and sinister
enemy. A few days ago, when it was
time b put up base-burners, he said to
me:
Mrs. BOwser, do you know what
makes heat?"
Goal and wood, / suppose"
''Has combustion anything to do with
Il suppose So"
Don't YOU know so? If not, why
for ignorance in this day of the world.
If combustion causes heat, what nat
urally follows?
1T naturally follows that it does"
''Yes, and it naturally follows that you
don't know enough to come in when 1t
rains! l was going to talk to you about
the purchase of coal StOve-tw0 or
three of them. but ii would be useless.
Some minds can't comprehend anything
beyond an old crazy quilt and a bias
eyed babyl"
81 know coal stove when see it,
Mr.. BOwser!'
"Oh! you do? What is the principle
the great fundamental principle of a
base-burner?'
"Why, you put in the coal, and the
fire heats the rOom."
"Um! Very smart! What causes the
coal to burn?'
1.-The fire."
.Mrs. BOwser!" he said in his most
solemn manner, lit was a good thing
that you married me! If you hadn't
you never would have known sand
pile from a circus. Don't you know
that is, can't make you comprehend
that there must be draughts,
| flues, checks, Over-currentS, under
currents, combustion, anti COM
bustiOn, cOgs, ratchets, shakers, dumps
and dozen other things about base
burner-such a base-burner as we want!
| If we have perfect combustion what fol-
| lows?"
We've are glad"
sob, we are! Well, its no use to waste
| further words on you! If you were
widow you'd rush off and buy the first
/ base-burner you set eyes on, and you'd
| never give a thought as to whether it
consumed three or thirteen tons of coal
for the winter. l shall purchase such
stoves as l see fit"
They came up in day or two, three
of 'em. One was for the sitting room,
another for the hall and third was
going to go up stairs. A man came
along to put them up and start the fires.
He showed me about the hampers and
checks, and when Mr.. ROwser came
home everything was bright and cheer
full, and the stoves had not given me
moments uneaSineSS.
"Who started these fires?" demanded
Mr.. BOwSer, almost before he had
crossed the threshold.
"Why, the man who put up the
stOvesp'
"He did, eh? And what does he know
about starting fire in coal stove, I'd
like to know? He ought to be discharged
for his assurance"
HE seemed to know all about it,"
"Well, seeming to know and knowing
are two very different things, it's good
thing l arrived as / did, or the house
would have been blown up or burned
down, Let me look at this stove"
And he began showing and pulling at
doors and checks and hampers in the
sitting-rOOm stove, and then went the
rounds of the house.
THE combustion was scarcely 10 per
cent" he. observed as we went back to
the sitting-roOm, "while the waste of
fuel was fully 80. Didn't You notice the
imperfect circulation of the hot air cur
| rent?'
"No, dear.''
That's because you never notice any
thing until you hit it with your nose. I!
have got everything nicely regulated
now, and want to see if you haven't
got brains enough to-"
"Mr. Bowser, the gas is leaking!
Can't you smell it?'' interrupted.
ut must be-" he replied as he shifted
around, and he at once made tour of
the house. Before he got back Ihad to
open the door, and baby was deatbly
sick.
''It must be coal gas from the stove,
Mr.. Bowser. See how blue the flame is.
Are you sure it is regulated?"
IAN / sure that am human being
instead of goat?" he Indignantly ex-
claimed. There's dead cat in this
house,"
However, we had to throw the win
dOws up, and the question settled itself
before we had finished supper. Each
fire went dead out and the Odor abated.
lyon see, you shut off all the
draughtS," l ventured to observe as Mr..
BOwSer got down ON his knees to peer
around.
Il did, Ell? Maybe l didn't know how
| to run coal stove before you were born?
! see what's the matter"
He affixed the shaker and began shak-
| ing, and inside of ten seconds he had
| dumped the fire-pOt.
After half an hours work he started
| the fire anew, but it refused to burn.
He rushed around talking about COM
| buStiOn, currents, vacuum, and so on,
and when told him to drop the damper
| and open the draughts, he fairly left his
| feet as he replied:
"Never! never! I'll knock the blasted
| thing in the head with the AK firstr'
From until 10 o'clock that evening
Mr.. BOwSer was engaged in pouring
coal into the feeders, dumping it out of
the fre-pots and scattering 1t all over
! the house, and we finally went
to bed i'm the cold. He declared
that the chimneys were choked
up, the stoves constructed on
| wrong principles, and the coal full of
slate, and when he left the house in the
morning. it was with the assertion:
''I'll send bOilermaker up here to
| look those internal things over. don't
believe the tiues are large enough to
| furnish the proper pressure"
When he had departed cook and l
| soon had every fire alight and burning
nicely, and we hadn't touched the stoves
again. When Mr.. BOwser came up to
dinner he made an inspec ion of each
stove, came back to the sitting-roOm
with self-Satisfied smile Oh his face,
and giving the baby chuck under the
chin, he said to me:
Mrs. BOwser, let this be a great
| moral lesson to you to cultivate the vir-
tue of perseverance. Suppose l had
given up this fight in despair, and ac-
knOwledged that l couldn't run coal
stove? What sort of picture would
this house have presented to-day?''