The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-07-26
BRIGHT BITS.

THIS is bad time to buy thermometers-they
are so high.-ChdrIestOtch Enterprise
THE papers have recently reported number
of deaths from lockiaw, but no ladies figure in
the list ittsblcr0 Dispatch.
How to Become Unpopular is the title of an
article in an esteemed contemporary The
easiest way, and the one our contemporary lg-
nores. is TO become base ball umpire -PittS-
burg Dispatch.
A FARMER said: zone thing don't like about
city foks-they be either so stuck up that yer
can't reach EN- with haystack pole, or so
blamed friendly that they forget to pay their
board.BtlGGio Express.
ETHEL, do you love me?' he inquired in
hasty, eager manner.
= have often told you so, was the reply.
Then prove it now
How can T.
Change your face powder The kind you use
now almost invariably makes me sick. "-Mer
chant Traveller.
UNCLE-Its perfectly outrageous that you
should gamble in this reckless fashion | hear
that you lost n hundred napOleons again last
night Why can't You DO as your aunt and
have done for years-play without stakes?
What Play for the love of the game itselfY
My infatuaton for cards has not yet reached
such point. That is disease. French Fun.
JUDGE. who has invited an Alderman TO sit be-
side him on the bench-Mr. Alderman, do you
think the prisoner is guilty! Just whisper your
opinion to me
AIderman-Judge, he is no more guilty than
am.
Judge, hesitatng few minutes, then aloud
l shall sentence the prisoner to five years i'm
prisonment.-Epocb.
CIT1zEN-Havent you got any relatives at all?
Tramp-Yes, sir; have one, but he is dis
tant relative.
who is that?"
Its brother, sir"
well, you don't call brother distant rela-
tive, do you"
why. yes, sir; you see he's dead, sir, v Yonk-
ers Statesman.
THERE is often notion" says an exchange,
that scholars are not practical men, and they
cannot get down toSthe practical plane of life, "
o, pShaw, we know better than that and we
want to put I'm a defense right here for the col
lege boys. We know several young men who
graduated with hig hOnors who are now cutting
stone and making shoes in plain, ordinary
striped clothes.-BiSmGrc Tribune
"YEs. said Mr., Nally sadly, Il lost my case
lost it by the injudicious language of my law
yer. Mr.. Lally."
why how was that Mr. Mally?"
"Why. when my lawyer was closing his argll-
ment be thought TO make a good point by say
ing: Let justice be done though the heavens
fall"
Il shouldn't think that would have injured
your case"
1T did for the lawyer on the other side in clos
ing said Fiat iustitia ruat caelum.' That set
tied the business with the jury and had to pay
damages. Boston Courier.
"DoN'T you know that it is a solid fact, - re-
marked Z. 7. Weaver. Sergeant at Arms of the
Senate, as he passed through Richmond day
or two ago on his way to Giles county, having
spent week at the seaShore that this ocean
swimming business like they have at Old Point,
Virginia Beach and Ocean View, would not be
countenanced i'm my county. You all may all
laugh at me, the jovia Sergeant continued,
but ocean swimming in my county would never
be permitted"
why not?' was asked
Because there is not an ocean within 800
miles of Giles Court House." came the answer
in Sernt. Weavers characteristic way-Rich-
nlond State.