Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-04-21
SQUIBS.

Iher9 are two things WhOSo drawing
power has never been excelled, the circus
and the porous plaster.
England may be ssmistress of the C's''
but she has never yet been able to fairly
master the HIS.
People call it putting up st g hotel
because there is so much that they have
to put up with.
The dynamite cartridge which was in
tended to kill the czar was shaped
like book. This would indicate that
the EmperOr's troubles are increasing in
volume.
The difference between Admiral Far
ragut and Senator Jones, of Florida, lies
in the fact that the former was dashed to
the mast and the latter is mashed to the
last.
The ancient proverb says: sYou can
not get more out of bottle than you put
in it, That's an error. Besides what he
put in he can get headache, a sick
stomach and perhaps ten days in the
lookup.
Strange as it May seem, drummers do
not beat their way.
When four women are walking abreast
on the sidewalk, they will break ranks
for nothing except man with paint
pot.
Fond mother with baby-''He does look
so like his father, doesn't he?" Mr.. B.
eyes, but shouldn't mind that, as long
as he is healthy"
1t sounds little inconsistent for her
to call it 'duck of a bonnet and yet
SO terribly alarmed over the posi-
bility OF its getting wet.
81 have three witnesses who will swear
that at the hour this man was robbed I
was at home in my own chamber taking g
care of my baby" eyes, Your Honor
gIibly added a prisoners counsel "that
is strictly true. We can prove a lullaby,
Your Honor"
The deacon's wife wanted to jot down
grace nephew she whispered: "Have you
any cards about your" t'You can't play
in church," was the solemn reproving
answer, and the good woman was so fus-
trated that she forgot her text.
Fannie" said Sixteenth street moth
er to her pretty daughter, ''didn't I hear
Frank kiss you last night when he went
away?" ''No ma'am, you did not" replied
the daughter, indignantly. "No?" said
the mother suspiciously. 'No, you didn't;
because Frank shut the parlor door be-
fore" Then the girl stopped and blush
ed and pushed again, and made rush
for her own room.
diminutive negro, who acts as deputy
sheriff in Georgia county and attends
to the hangings is known Familiarity as
the little tie coon.
hn
'Plase, mum, the guests is a sayin' that
the butter we're usin' Is Cleo" Mistress
"Mercy! Did they see the STAN ps ?''
"No, mum, OF attinded to them meself.''
''Well, Jane, it's about time for spring
butter now. Just mix little garlic with
it."
One of the stammering stories of Will
liam r. Travers, of New York, does not
seem to have been repeated since his
death. A Newport girl asked him, at a
garden party one evening, what time it
was. BIB by the tt t-time I can s-s-say
it." he began painfully, Kit will be s-s-seven
o'clock.
First charmer-"Oh, you haven't seen
my Easter bonnet, imported directly from
Paris. I can hacdly forbear from wearing
it right away. Here it is" Second
Il
charmer-"Horrid! Why you mean thing
1t cost $780," Second charmer-"Oh,
how sweet!''
John Vint, an Indiana farmer, wanted
to marry young woman, so he gave his
wife deed for his 6O0-acre farm and in
return received her consent to procure a
divorce and marry again. The second
wife was pretty girl, only II, whom
hoH of OF
The couple have gone west.
novel advertising scheme was intro
duced by merchant in Carthage, Ill. A
series of prodigious boot tracks were
painted leading from each side of the
public square to his establishment. The
scheme, it is said, worked to perfection,
for everybody seemed curious enough to
follow the boot tracks to their destina-
ton
When sleeping a rat rolls himself up in
to a ball and places his nose down between
his hind legs; he curls his tail around the
outside of his body: no part Of him pro-
iecting but his two delicate ears, which
are adapted for catching every sound.
Near Troy S. c., few days ago, one
negro was shot by another with a revolv-
er. The bail entered just above the left
eye, and was completely fattered against
the skull. 1t was taken out by physi-
clan, and the negro is ROW doing we'll
The doctor says that if it had been a white
man instant death would have followed.
A farmer at Greensborough, Md, some
time age sent several barrels Of potatoes
to commission merchant in Baltimore.
and received good price for them. In
packing the potatoes he lost his eyeglasses
Some time after, desiring TO raise pota-
toes of superior quality. the farmer sent
to Baltimore for few barrels Of fine seed
potatoes. The potatoes came and the
farmer was busy cutting them for plant
ing. when he came across his lost spec
tacles In one of the barrels of northern
seed.
The infant class again: School teach
er-''J ohnEy, what is the second letter of
the alphabet" Johnny-"Don't know.
Teacher-"What flies about the garden?"
Johnny-"When?n Teacher-''In the
Summer" Johnnie-Oh, I know-moth-
er after the hens.
The water works issue at Portage was
carried by SO majority In the recent cleo