The Grenada sentinel. [volume] (Grenada, Miss.) 1868-1955, 1887-09-17

Z, What Is love?
A. Love is compound malady, with
both material and spiritual characteris-
tics, and strongly tinctured with cleo
tricity,
Q. How many kinds Of love are there?
A. There are various kinds of love-
love of filthy lucre, love Of good grub,
love Of gossip, motherly love, iatherly
love, sisterly love, love Of another fellows
sister, love of your neighbours wife. his
maid.servant, his. OK, his. ass, and Others
which, in the language Of the erst-while
school-boy's composition, are "too nus
merous to mention"
@. What is the most prevalent form?
A. The most widely prevalent form
of this powerful disease among the genus
homo, is the love Of any biped that wear
paint, bangs, corsets, and other incident
ais, and that belongs to the she gender
I'm this connection the she gender should
be specially emphasized, to prevent
confounding the legal wearer Of the
above enumerated articles with crea-
ture of the neuter gender which also
wears said articles and is denominatcd
'dude."
Q. What causes an attack OF the NAL
ady?
A. 1t matters not whether said biped
of the she gender has wart on its lef
eye-rd, a broken nose, hare lip, fl t
chin, door-mats growing on the sides o.
its head, or pontoon bridges, alias feef.
1t matters not whether it has squint, q
drawl, lisp, a hiccough, st. Vitus dance,
or the measles. 1t matters not whether
it slings slang, chews gum, devours ic"-
cream. masticates oyster-p -patties, or dip
snuff. "Suficient unto the day Is the
evil thereof" When the electric fui'
strikes the male biped's backbone he's a
goner. From that moment he is doomed
the dart has struck him, the steel has
entered his soul, and he has become a.
complete an inanity as If his anatomy as
cended no higher than his eyebrows.
@. In what manner does it effect an
entrance into the system?
A. The cratic manner in which this
insidious and neutrality-suspicious. fatal
disease e-gains an entrance into the sys
tenn is somewhat analogous to the rigszag
course pursued by that other form OF
electric phenomena-the lightning-and,
like it, is as rapid in its movement,
Moreover, the suddenness and rapidity
of the attack is equalled only by the al
most invariably trifiDg nature OF the
cause. The glance of bewitching eye,
the touch Of smooth, warm skin, the sight
of a luscious, bare arm, the glimpse OF a
tapering, well.filled stocking-all are suf~
ficient to create the most violent and in
durable type of the disease. The germ
rushes instantaneously to the eye or
hsnd and down the backbone, hits the
diaphragm Of the perystile below the
belt, knocks the glossary gland Of the
emphatic nerve silly, busts the hypo-
dermic lyncrustawalton of the CALI
careous bicycleon wide open, and rush.
es tearing mad back to the brain, stop
ping long enough at the liver and the
heart to tlatten out the one and swell the
other to bursting. All this is done in
the infnitesimal part of wink, but by
the time the germ has got in its WORK the
victim feels very much as if he had just
indulged in his first cigar or chewed hi.
initial plug.
@. What are the symptoms?
A. A popularity ofthe disease is that
the victim, though suffering intensely
will never acknowledge that he has beer
attacked. and yet feels it in every fibre
It is, therefore, somewhat difficult, il
some cases, to make diagnosis, but il
a majority the symptoms are very appar
ent, in spite of the sufferers efforts to th'
contrary. One of the most certain indi
cations is sudden and radical change il
the habits, especially In the adornmen
Of the person and of the parts Of speech
1 When you see a habitually slovenly bipe'
| of the male species deck himself out il
more or less dudesque attire, or miserl,
one spend nickel to have his shoe
blacked, or a croes-erained one wear
quasi smile on hisc0untenance, or phleg
matte one hop nimbly about, or one Q
the slugger persuasion try to step it Of
a la tenderfoot, or an ungrammatical on
attempt to repair his verbal rayages, yo'
may rest assured that he's inoculated.
| O. What are the remedies used?
| A. Various remedies have been pro
posed for this stubborn, all.absorbin
malady. In some cases it is actually in
curable, and the only legal remed
is marriage, provided the biped q
the she gender il willing otherwise, tn
pistol, rope, razor, rough>on.rats, strych
nine, dynamite, keg Of powder, etc, etc
are sometimes effectually used by th
victim. But even these remedies hav
their disadvantages, principally becaus
the sufferer is likely to annihilate him
self as well as the disease. For mild case
harmless and effective remedy is to g
and soak ones head in a bucket Of water
or watch the antics of newly>fedge'
and bare-legged pa, tramping up ant
down tack-strewn bed room, at tn
dead hour OF night, with squawli6g in
FAINT IN his arms, and the she biped bel
loving at him from under the bed-clothes
"You, John, quit that cnssin' an shoutin
the pole darlins head off"