The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1887-08-11
WIT AND HIlMOR.

is q great pity to be digging him up
and crowding him into the present
Neso Orleans Picayune.
Land Lacquer" writes to know
where the first recorded eviction took
place. The first Eve-ictiop. we believe,
was from the Garden of Eden.-Buf-
fdto cypress
1t has been discovered that Buffalo
Bill eats green peas with his knife.
London society is in quandary
whether to ostracize him or initiate
him. Chicago Tribune.
Magistrate Go policeman What's
the charge against this man? Police
mantle asked me if it was hot
enough for me. Magistrate = Six
months.-Nsao York Sun.
Old Mrs. Bently Gin an art gallery
The program says that's the Venus
of Milo. Old Mr.. Bentley-I reckon
she must have been killed in a railroad
accident, Mirandy. .-Neso York sum-:
In his Atlantic ode, my Country"
George z. Woodberry describes JUS
tice as ..the third great base ON which
our welfare is founded. It was high
time that our National game should be
recognized in patriotic poetry.-Ltfe.
You say Smythe's new store on the
avenue is closedf' Yes. 1t is shut
np." why. I thought it was doing
an immense business" That's just
what busted it up. 1t was always so
crowded that nobody could get into
-"-Teras SJtings.
my dear old friend. how were you
able 70 acquire such an immense for,
tunep ssBy very simple method. :"
..What method is thatP1 when /
was poor made out that was rich,
and when got rich 1 made out that
was poor. Sytiaags.
ssWhat is that terrible racket about?'
asked a Whitehaller as he passed a
house on Queen street, and heard q
child yelling at the top of its voice.
30, that's nothing" exclaimed his
companion, ..it is simply a woman
banging her heir. Whitehall Times.
st. Louis husband (after seeing
s.HaIslet'') The man who wrote that
play is genius. Wife-You mean
ShakspeareF Husband-Yes; and; if
he ever writes another and it's played
in this city, there won't be standin'
room after the first act.-Hdrper' Bd-
gar. q
Judge, who has invited an alderman
to sit beside him on the bench-Mr.
Alderman, do you think the prisoner
is guilty? Just whisper your opinion
to me. Alderman-Judge, he is nc
more guilty than 1 am. Judge, hesi.
4ating few minutes, then aloud--l
shall sentence the prisoner to five
years inprisonment.-Epoch. .
Ignorant tforeigner-''You have az.
ric,lltural fairs in this country,
hearP" American farmer Yes
every fall. I'm gettin' ready for the
next one now !. F.-s.Rather early
20 make selections of agricultural fail
exhibits, | should fancy" A. F.-s.No
stree; takes good while to trair
trottin' hosses, mister. y lid Bets.
Omaha man Gni amazement)-rer
dollsasaa yard for such stuff as that
Wife (very naturally mistaking ths
cause of his surprise) That's all; ISM
it q bargainP Only ten dollars, jus
think Of it. WHY its scarcely hal
width O., don't worry about that
dear. I was careful to make ever
allowance for that and get twice a
many yards as usual. " Z -0Maha World
A citizen of Missouri who has beer
little put out in times past by East
ern newspaper comment on '.Westerr
lawlessness," writes to friend in ttrif
city: Il see by the morning papers yor
have killed another woman in Hart
ford. Don't kill them; send them out
here" This is sarcasm with sting in
3t, and it stings because the Missourian
is to q certain extent ''twitting on
facts."-Hartford Gosrant.
Mrs. Goldleaf, newly graduated from
very humble sphere of life. is fond OF
using French word now and then.
and this she always does with striking
effect. As, for instance, when speak
ing of some duty her maid-seryant had
left nndone, she remarked in light
and airy manner, Pauline is good
servant--a very good servant-but
must confess she is apt to be neglige.'
--Harper's Bazdr.
Col. Bowlegs-..Death and furies
who hasrbeesa at my nleerschainnp p
Julius (the colored servitor) )-.'.Ain'1
seen nobody handlin' it, SIR" Col
Bowlegs- -s.Confound it! it seems tosbe
full of debris" Julius (alarmed) y
4.Fore de Lawd, Kunnel, I confess ]
smoked 'em, but I didn't use nothin
hut Lone Jack. / wouldn't put nc
such stuff as sdaybree' in any genie
mans pipe" Philadelphia Cali.
Two friends are walking along the
street. One of them, pointing to 8
house says: ''There's beautiful place
look at it why SOP" .sOn account
of its history; for, despite its calm and
serene surroundings, it was built upon
the groans, tears, wailiHgs and blood
of widows, orphans, old men and strug
Cling women" '.You don't say so
Was it built by railroad monopo
nstfr 20, no; by dentist. ."-Arsdss.
s0O Traveller.
Themost attractive object on Mair
street yesterday was. squaw of the
Sioux nation, who paraded the street
with gauay silk parasol held firmly
above her bianket-covered form. She
did the best she could to handle the
psrasol in the most civilized manner
but the ladies laughed at her and the
men smiled broadly, for. her uncouth
savagery could not be concealed. She
walked the full length of Main street
without knocking out an eye.--Bis.
s7sGrck Tribune.
An elderly man with an excited nose
yesterday Afternoon stood and looked
antently and admiringly at police
V0tA0A~DOA W4eiOA was SutsIAfOutitCdS UJ
Q gas-lamp. Then he began talking to
Aimseh, and he knew what he was
talking about. That's abig improve
anent over the old plan, where a fellow
had % hold up a lamp-post when he
Host his reckoning and fetched up
against iks Now he gets inside and the
thing holds him up. This is getting tc
be great country. ."-Bafalo CoarIer
A teacher was endeayoring to find
out the proficiency of her little friends
3n mental arithmetic, and took the fol
aowing method of finding out what she
desired to know: Now, children,
she said suppose I had two squash
pies, and divided one Of them into ter
pieces and the other into 100 pieces
which would you rather have, piece
Of the pie that was divided into ter
pieces or that cut into 100 piecesp'
There was an absolute hush for mo
ment, and then little girl answered
4iuHdly: some of the 100 pieces
asf