Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1887-04-16
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Ea1H AID POINT
THH Car Of Russia Is not as aaEeas
TIC IS b 1aight be- considering that his
very mouth Is aiCzsT-chasm-
Tx dog is not much Of a pedestrian
but he can make an unlimited number
q laps 10 very short time.
A BOOT and shoe shop hangs out the
sign "CaSt-iron lasts. We all know It
does, but We don't want any boots made
DAUoHTER-Efa, Why does Uncle
John ssy aer-erS so much when he
tslks2 Mother-To err is human, my
TIE difference between a buzz-saw
and bulldog Is that when the former
Is most dangerous It never shows its
teeth.
TIE difference between a church
organ and an infuriated bull is that one
has stops and bellows, and the other
bellows and stops.
81 HAVE a theory about the dead
languages, remarked the last boy in
the class. II think they were killed by
being studied too hard.
AN esteemed contemporary speaks Of
fsA--E D%-4-9LE-A Ly q l4lQEA
the flesh We shall next hear OF some
one being pricked by the blow Of a
club.
A PITTsBURGH girl who has been vis-
ting here has returned to her native
city; she says the atmosphere Of Bos-
ton does not SCOT her.-BOstO9l Com
HlerctGi Bulletin.
Book AaEET-NoW, then, here Is
IBunyan's Pilgrims Progress. Aunt
Susan-Nos sar, Use got two bunions
already and dey's never been no help to
dis yer pilgrims pFOgress.-LiJe.
A MAGAZINE asks: what Is true
JOY True JOY is what a woman feels
when committee at a country fair de-
elares that her craZy-quilt IS prettier
than all the assembled crazy-quilts of
her neighbors.
FOND Mamma 60 Young 1aiss)-Did
l not forbid you to 60 to the park with
out a protector2 Young Miss-But I
had a protector. Fond Mamma-You
mean to tell me- Young Miss
Yes, went to the druggist and bought
a chest-protector.
WHAT a frivolous girl Miss De Puys-
ter Is" exclaimed a New Yorker.
Have you found her so?" AT should
say had. She can't talk baseball
little bit. She Is all the time wanting
to waste her time discussing The
Wilderness Of the Is"
Times have changed greatly since
Shakespeare's day." remarked Sprig-
gins. eyes, Just so, replied FitZgob-
bic Nov, Shakespeare said, fThe
apparel oft prOclaims the man. "
We'll, what does it proclaim now ?"
''The dude, generally"
"WAs your husband on the stand yes
terday?" asked a lawyer of a woman,
IN case in which husband and wife
were witnesses. NO." she answered,
with a snap, "he wasn't on the stand.
He was on the set. That's the kind of
q man he Is, whenever there is any
thing to get on, from a satin sofa to the
top rail Of worm fence.
A BARRIsTER, noticing that the Court
had gone to sleep, stopped short in the
middle Of his speech. The sudden
silence awoke the judges, and the law
yer graVely resumed: CAS- I remarked
yesterday, my lOrds"-- The puzzled
judges stared at each other, as though
they half believed that they had been
asleep since the previous day.
LAYS OF LONELY BARDs.
Hes old and bent and feeble, and imperfect Is
his sight.
A pair OF gCld-rimuaed specEacles are perchs6
upon his nose;
he 1esns, upon trusty staf-his steps no
longer light
his face is sadly Wriukled. and hfs ehesbis a
With6red rose.
He smiles upon the children as they hock about
his knee
Like merry birds in summertime about an
oIdsn tree;
But You must lust look ont for him Il he wanfs
to borrow a V.