West Virginia Democrat. [volume] (Charles Town, W. Va.) 1885-1890, 1887-10-28

enS wings Ol tuc paiVN ~ S"i' 'HS
ANYTHING that people had paid any
attention to. He said also that he
learned had belonged to all the
different parties, and so would be
familiar with the methods OF each.
He then asked me to sign pledge,
and after | had done so he shook
hands with me and went away.A
The next day l was waited upon
by the treasurers of ii chowder
clubs. the financial secretary of the
Shanty Sharpshooters and Goat Hill
Volunteers. A man also came to
obtain means for burying a dead
friend. l afterwards saw him doing
so to some extent. He was burying
his friend beneath the solemn shad-
ow of a heavy mahogany-colored
moustache, of which he was the sole
proprietor.
l was waited upon by delegations
from Tammany, the County Democ-
racv and the Jeffersonian Simplicity
Club. Everybody seemed to have
dropped his own business in order
to wait upon me.
| became pledged to everything
on condition that should be elect
ed. 1t makes me shudder now to
think what | may have signed. l
paid forty odd dollars for the privil-
ege of voting for beautiful child,
and thus lost all influence with every
other parent in the contest. | voted
for the most popular young lady,
and heard afterward that she re-
garded me only as friend. l had
biography ana portrait of myself
printed in an obscure paper that
claimed large circulation, and the
first time the forms went to press
loose screw fell out of the machine
ry, caught ON the forehead of my
portrait and peeled back the scalp
so that it dropped over one eye like
prayer rug hanging ont of the
window of Constantlnople minaret
during house cleaning time.
l had paid hoy So to scatter
these papers among the neighbors,
but | met him as he came out of the
office and made it So if he would
put them in the bosom OF the moan
ing tide.
| give below rough draught OF
expenses, not including some of the
items referred to above:
STATEMENT NOW IN THE HANDS OF MY
ASSIGNEE.
Loaned to red-nosed gentleman
who discovered me and pleaded
with me to run for the office so
that the people could have n
pure administration ........ SO 90
Paid rent of man who claimed to
have influence, but whose wife
Is in the habit of kicking him
under the lounge and weltlng
him over the head with car
pet-stretcher ........... 20 90
Advance to Early Galoot Club
for demonsti alton purposes, viz:
for purchase of 500 torches,
which demonstration was fail
ure, owing TO inability OF the six
members of club 70 carry 500
torches while drunk 80 90
Paid TO Recording Secretary of In
dependent Order of Bungstart-
ers, for purpose of buying new
tin panoplv for parade purposes - 90
Paid nv proportion of expenses of
contemplated demonstration.
Stipulated by me that this mon
ey should be used in defraying
expense of torchlight procession
to march down Broadway, but
il was really used to fit out al pro-
cession that marched down the
broad road TO ready-made
drunkard's doom ........,....... 27 90
Paid drunk-and diSorderly fine
and costs of man who first came
to me e. ith his SIRENS song and
begged me to please run and pu-
rify pelitics ....... ...... .-..... 30
Paid Secretary of Beardless Boys
Political Filter Corps, No. 9, to
buy new strainer for purifying
politics. ......................... .....- 81
Paid for bromide furnished man
who first thought of me as can
Paid man who agreed to throw
stereOpticon portrait of myself
against the side of the Grand
Central Depot all night, togeth-
er with the announcement that
/ was the peoples choice, but
which said man, | afterwards
learned, got 500 for putting
above the portrait an illumina-
ted legend, as follows: "This
man would have looked better If
he had used Slenck'S Mandrake
90. ... d.
Paid hack hire for conveying to
Home of the Friendless child
ren of a man who writes Scath-
ing magazine articles on "How
to Make Home Happy" and
who also has strong political
pull, but which pull, strong as it
iS, stands back and trembles
and turns pale in the presence
OF this mans rich Bourbon
breath ...... ........... D 90
Paid for votes while running at a
big church fair for embroidered
suSpenderS voted to 'tbe most
popular hairless man in New
York" 1892
Credit by suspenders, 10 cents,
balance .... ...-... ......... S3l 90
Paid for extra papers papers con-
tanned column article, with 1lea-
bitten portrait, and statement
that at the age of Is months l
crawled out of the cradle and
began to support my parents
by tanning lions for circus I'D 90
Paid for Overcoat for our pastor
hoping he would frequently al
lude to it but VIII took the Goa.
aud paid long-contemplated
visit to his boyhoOd home in
Ohio. ....-.. 81 90
Paid for eight-line reading notice
i'm the columns of the Elevated
Railway and Advertiser ~ y %
Miscellaneous expenses, includ-
ing railroad fare of my wife, who
has gone home TO her parents to
rified -. =. I78 90