The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1887-07-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

SuppoSing he should take notion 70
get up againa-Reoria (IH) Cal.
If all the women of the world are
angels, it stands to reason that Mother
Noah must have been an ark-angel.-
Peoria IN J-Cau.
Some years ago it was the style for
people to dress up; of late We notice
that fashionable ladies are inclined
to dress down.-Lue.
The best way to encourage a tramp
is TO show him pile of eordwood and
other little lake" of kindness.-Hart-
ford Sunday Journal
Did YOU ever notice that a party with
low shoes and gayly colored socks
usually persists in sitting eross-leggedP
Hartford Sunday Journal.
Old lady Ito wicked little boys who
are playing marbles Sunday)-Little
boys, what are you playing marbles
Sunday for? Little boys-We're play
ing for keeps. Life.
Say. Titmarsh, it's about time you
changed that shirt" 30, I'm boycott
ting my washerwoman." What forP"
why, she struck for 80 cents dozen.
so I'm boycotting her."-N6s0 York
San.
Young man, it is very convenient to
be rich but twice as easy to be poor.
If you don't find it SO, keep dog and
a canary bird, and if that doesn't do
the business to your entire satisfaction.
get married young and fight it out on
that lne.-Hdrgord Journal
'Doyou think, she said dreamily. as
he sat beside her at the circus, THAT this
is the same elephant / saw when l was
child?" "No," he answered with
scornful candor; ''you know elephants
only live to be 200 years old" Itwon't
be this year.--Detrott Free Press.
Cultivate the habit of listening 10
others, it will make you an invaluable
member of society, TO say nothing of
the advantage it will be to you when
you marry. Every man likes TO talk
about himself. A good listener makes
a delightful wife.-Dorcds Magdzine.
"And don't you know why, BobbyP'
said the minister, who was dining with
the family, your mamma doesn't want
you to eat second piece of pieP" ''Yes.
sir" replied Bobby. "She said if you
didn't take any there would be enough
left over for tomorrow. ."-Neto York
San.
Gen. Sheridan, it is said, carries his
wife's pocket-handkerchief when out
shopping with her. If Mrs. Sheridan.
in exchange for this piece of gallantry,
carries her husbands pocketbook when
she goes out shopping with him she has
rather the best of the bargain.-Nor-
riSto1CR Herald.
Driver out of work on a strike (to
walking delegate whom he meets riding
in a carriage )-How is this? What
are you doing riding in the cityP Walk
ing delegate (soothingly)-O, that's
all right. You see our board last night
ordered boycott on the shoemakers.
-NctO York Mail.
"What is the church for2" asks n
religious weekly, Well, Welt If our
sacred contemporary does not know
what the church is for we think it is
about time for revival of religion in
its town. The church is to save the
ministers the expense of hiring hall
Laurence Citizen.
Pretty soon the clerk who has to be
excused of an afternoon because he is
too i'll to sit at his desk at work will be
found sitting for three hours in the
board seat, shouting like a madman
when his favorite ball team is getting
whipped. Boston Post.
Wigwug-'That fellow with the long
hair? o, he's a poet" Filtrip-"His
is a striking figure-undoubtedly
man fired by high ambitions!" Wig
wug-"AhP Well, | live in his
neighborhood, and | happen to know
that he has also been fired by his land
dy"-Detroit Free Press.
Wife (after breakfast)-Y should
use your toothbrush, dear, before GO
ing downtown. / can detect traces of
the shad roe we had at breakfast.
Husband Ca bank cashier)-Is that SOP
Where is the brush? With shad at 85
cents apiece, it wouldn't do for the
directors to discover anything.-Neto
York Sun.
They were playing quiet game of
euchre in the smoker and did not
notice the conductor as he came
through. Tickets" said he. just
at that juncture one of the players
murmured II pass" Not much you
ly. Not since the Interstate Com
At the theatre. She (on her hus-
bands return from the open air.
Harry, did you notice this important
statement on the program? Please
| look at" Hc-"Two months elapse
between Acts II. and Ill Well what
of that?" Shea good deal, should
think. You've been off on a spree for
about six eksr'-Nea0 Hauen Nesos.
"'Tis another way of the foolish fair,
| TO die for the one who does not care, I"
MARBLES Ella Wheeler Wilcox Yes,
| Ella, and its often the same way with
| the big brothers of the foolish fair.
Week after week they 90 down to the
barber shop and dye for one who
does not care"-or rather the barber
dyes for them, for fifty cents
Peoria (IIt.) Call.
The girls at the Hygeia make a dead
set for the army men from the fort.
Whom have you asked to the german
tonight" was inquire of a Lieutenant
| the other day. Il haven't asked any
one" Why, what does that meanp
aren't you going?" 80, yes; but we
| don't do business that way here. just
wait little and plenty of the pretty
girls will ask me. ."-TOsos Topics.
Bank President-Sorry, but 1 can't
accommodate you; your paper is not
good. Indignant customer-I remem-
ber when you were poor man, twenty
years ago, | lent you thousand dol
lars without security. Bank President
(pleasantly)-I remember the circum-
stance, and / also remember how
wondered at your greenness. You
probably have more sense now, and SC
have l. Good -Philddelph phia
Call.
Il never came so near being para
lyzed in my life as to-day" said Mr..
Cephas Aurelius Winker, as he wiped
the perspiration from his massive
brow. II nearly tainted on the spot.
1.-The heat was too much for you?'
mo. / dined with friend and he
asked if / would like slice off of old
Hercules" .4Old Hercules," yes
that's what they called the butter, be
cause it was SO strong. -MtnHeapolis
Tribune
Brevity produces some very remark.
able specimens of what the philosoph-
ers call nominalism. One of our cor
respondents had occasion to go into a
store to inquire for DIR. Abercrombie's
works, The intellectual Faculties
and .sThe Philosophy of the Moral
Feelings" When he asked for them
the bookseller solemnly replied: Il
know haven't any moral feeling, and
doubt whether / have any intellectual
facultiesl"-C Chytstiaa Adcocate.
A clerical gentleman recently met a
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