Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1887-09-03
HUMOR

OK tap-The sustenance of the wood
pecker.
LIFE is real-To a hose man and a
drunkard.
ORDER of the Bath-Go and soak
your head.
IT is the statuette that is bron ed
with honest toll.
IT would seem appropriate for AIichi-
ganders to marry Portuguese, but they
seldom do.
WHEN vocalist Saves his notes" it
doesn't always imply that he is laying
up money.-Teras Stttj1qS.
SENATOR STANFORD's first money was
earned digging hOrse-radish. That
sort Of thing Is apt to make boy smart.
II love required mountaineering,
Esteem essential was TO passion,
There s many a beauty dewy lip
We'd press in lukeWarm fashion.
TEXAS Siftllgs
BIGGs-I Just got something to pre-
vent my hair from coming out. Diggs
- You don't say sol What is it? Biggs
"A divorce
ONE danger OF female suffrage IS
that the women may want the men to
bet them $50 bOnnets against SIS hats
on the result
DID you ever chance to hear a moth
er remark, in speaking of her child,
"HOw like its mother! I" Just at the mo-
ment that the dear little thing NJ as
making a grab for its fathers hair?
A BRIDE IN Winsted, Conn, tainted
when the clergyman asked her to say
yes; but she was not so lar gone that
she couldn't remark, vigorously, be-
tween gasps, "Keep him till L come
around. Judge.
WELL, Louisa, the Knights OF La
Dor are in trouble again; an old woman
Of seventy-tive has married a young TEL
low of eighteen" what has that to
do with the Knights of Labor?" Why,
another boy caught"
AN old lady said she could not tell
her mince pies from her apple pies
without cutting them, and was advised
to mark them. She did so, and COM
placently remarked: "This I've marked
~. Mis- mince-and that 'T. NJ. ,
-'Taint mince."
@SHE did wrong to look back, didn't
she, Bessie ?" ~ es, mamma !" "And
what do you think Lot did when he
saw his poor wife turned into a pillar
of salt ?" Il don't know, mamma; /
spect he wondered where he could get
a fresh one. Cart PretzePs Weakly.
@YEs, Bobby" said the minister,
who was dining with the family, 4e cry
thing In tbs world has its use, al
though we may not know what it is.
You wouldn't think flies are good for
anything, yet @Oh, yes 1 would, &"
interrupted Bobby. Il know what flies
are good for. @What, BObby?" PA
says they are the only thing that keeps
him awake when you are preaching.
SOME Rhode Island Freethinkers,
IN quite unorthodOI discussion Of
divine mysteries, appealed to a silent
listener to give his views on the sub
lect MY opinion is, said Mr.. H,
that one man knows Just as much
about unknoWable things as another"
"a proposition which called for so
much study IN order to seize the point
of attack that it broke up the discus
sion.-PTOUide7Jc Journal
A wELL-KNOwN Dakota politician,
living in Fargo, recently experienced a
change Of heart and Joined the church.
A few days after his pastor said to
him In the course of a little talk: Il
am very glad to see you are In earnest
IN this matter. DO you feel that you
have been born again ?" @BOrn again,
Ell? That's something I never heard
Of, but if 1 am going to be born again
tell you what it Is, want to be born IN
New York, so therel be some hope Of
getting an Office IN the Territory p
Dakota Bell