Daily Republican. [volume] ([Wilmington, Del.]) 1874-1890, 1887-12-28
QUEERNEss or THINGS.

This is a sort of topsy -turvy world.
No one seems to be satisfied One
man is struggling to get justice and
another Is flying from it.
One man Is saving I'D to buy n
house, and another is trying to sell his
dwelling, for less than It cost, to get
rid of it.
| One man is spending all the money
he can earn in taking a girl to the
theatre and sending her flowers, in the
hope that he will eventually make her
his wife, and his neighbor is spending
all the gold he has saved to get di,
vorce.
Smith is drinking imported ale to
put flesh on. while johnson is living
on crackers and walking ten miles a
day to reduce his avoirdupois.
The laborer with ten children keeps
out of debt on ten dollars week,
while many an unmarried bank Off
cial with hundred dollars a week
can't get along without helping him
self to the banks funds.
Robinson takes sherry to give him
an appetite, while Brown, who has
wine cellar, can't touch drop of It on
account of apopIectic tendencies. The
doctor tells Morrill, that il he doesn't
stop work and take rest he will go
into decline, and then tel Blakely
that II he does not abandon his seden-
tary position and go off somewhere
and work on farm he will die of tor.
pidity of the liver.
| One man is ordered to eat eggs be-
cause they are nutritious, and another
is cautioned to abjure them because
they produce bile.
One man keeps q pistol to protec;
himself against burglars, while his
neighbor doesn't keep one for fear of
shooting some member of the family
by mistake.
You will sometimes see a mar
planting trees about his place Tor the
shade; and, at the same time, you will
see another cutting down all the trees
about his house because they produce
too much moisture.
Il; One rich man wears poor clothes
, because lie Is rich and can do any
. thing, while poor man wears fine
clothes because he Is poor and want.
: to create the impression that he is not
One man is killed by accident, ant
another tries to commit suicide anc
fails.
One man escapes all the diseases
}. that flesh is heir to and is killed on ,
railroad; another man goes through
6 halfa dozen wars without a scratch
b and then dies of whooping- cough.
The prize fighter reforms and be
! comes preacher, while the theologi
cal student leaves his university to be
: come professional base, ball pitcher
I The man who can make twent
IS thousand dollars year, IA a genera
thing, can't save cent, while tn
: man who is thrifty and wise is seldom
!. so gifted that he can earn anything 9
7 all.
We know wealthy merchant VIII
L keeps half.a dozen horses, who recen
9. ly stated that his store was closed o
!: account of a "holiday;" and we ais
: know a proof-reader who can epe
Y. every word in the English languag
!; correctly, and the only time he e.
II periences any horse is when he ca
: horse. radish
r Good people die and bad poop
: live. The man who is fat with heal,
:, can't get employment and the ma
70 who is making money hand-over-ti
.. has to give up business on account
= i'll health.
Linguists are keeping peanut stand
II and monkeys are writing for newsp
% pers. In railroad collision u
!. dancing master generally loses /
= feet and the mathematician | is hea
IIgn The pugilist breaks his wrist, al
d. the opera singer contracts thro
trouble.
The man with a colossal fortune
his usually obliged to adopt an heir, VIII
4 the man without cent generally /
M a sufficient number OF heirs to sati.
ith half dozen capitalists.
We One man won't touch bacon for II
: of getting trichina, and another swe'
by Bacon because some people TIL
he wrote Shakespeare,
We wish we could find out W
these things are so, because it wo
set our minds at rest and make
happy.