Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-01-26
TO MAKE YOU SMILE.

| A11A1 LOW NCshAOO AAUAO O l4cbu l11OI OIL
but it can make him dreadfully I'M
comfortable when heis immoral.-Go-
lumbus (Ga.) Enqu7rer-Sun.
CURRAN, one day whenthe judge was
i shaking his head, said, addressing the
jury: "Gentlemen, don't be convinced
by the learned judge shaking his head,
for there's nothing in it,"
LADY lin shoe store): 81 would like
to look at some cloth slippers for my
self Clerk until recently IN the dry
goods line) eyes, madam, something
ali wool and g. yard wide?''
| CLARA-Oome up and see me this
evening, George. George tdubiously)-
Well. how about your father? Clara
20. he's all right. He has chilblains
on his feet.-LoweH Citizen.
THE following verdict was recently
rendered in woodlands: "We, the,
jury, find the defendants guilty, with
the recommendation that they leave
thetown within forty eight hours"
Commemorative an article here
I'd like you to look over. IT'S called
Intelligence in Politicians" Maya
zine Editor-'sI'm sorry, but we don't
print short articles. It'd Bits.
YOUNG MANI love your daughter,
sir, and would like to make her my
wife. Father-What are your pros
poets? Young mani think they'll
be pretty good if you'll say yes.-TTd
Bits.
ANGEL DARLING" where
did baby tome from ?" Fond mother
-"Papa bought him in the market"
A. D.-"Why did'n him div 10 cents
more and dit one wild hair on ?"-St.
Louis Chronicle.
"SUsIE DEAR" said he, "doyou think
you love me well enough to enter the
United States ?" "Why, Charley, how
impatient you are. | am too young
yet; but I'll settle in Lapland if you
wish" He wished.-St. Paul Herald.
A BRIGHT little 6-year-old girl in g.
town near by, who was to give g.
| party, remarked to her father on the
morning of the eventful day, that she
| thought the children must all be coming
| for she hadn't received any "regreter-
| ations."
OLD gentleman quitting few ques-
| tions)-Now, boys-ah-can any of
| you tell me what commandment
Adam broke when he took the forbid
den fruit Small scholar like shot(
Please, sir, tn worn't no command
naents then, sir.-Punch.
De GARMo-And how do you stand
on evolution, Miss Brewster? Don't
you believe man is descended from the
monkey? Miss Brewster-O, yes, I
think man is; but what puzzles me,
Mr.. De Gsrmo, is where woman came
| from.-Columbia Spectator.
Carrie, come into the house,
and I'll show you the game bagged
yesterday. Thought you'd like to see
it before it was dressed" Carrie
'Indeed, / shouldn't. You ought to
be ashamed ofyourself to think ofsuch
q thingp-Boston Transcript.
A GENTLEMAN in New Orleans was
agreeably surprised to find q plump
turkey served up for his dinner, and
inquired of his servant how it was
obtained. "Why, sah," replied Sam
DO, "dar turkey war; roostin' on our
fence three nights; so dis mawnin I
seize him for de rent of de fence.''
"THE teacher wanted to box my
ears this morning." remarked Johnny
Fizzletop. Chow do you know that
he wanted to box your ears" asked
his mother. eff Ee hadn't wanted to
box my ears he wouldn't have done
it, would he, eh ?'-I;exas Siftings.
POLITICAL influence: Elector Ito his
deputy)-My good sir, would like
very much for you to get n place for
my son at the exposition. Deputy
What can he do? Elector-Nothing. If
he knew how to do anything would
never have troubledyou about him
French Fun.
"CAN you recall the names of those
two friends, my dear" he said to his
wife, "whose affection was 90 great that
one offered to die for the other? Da--
Da-the first begins with D." 80,
yes" said the lady, placidIy; "you are
thinking of Dan and Eeersheba."-
Harper's Bazaar.
EYES," he said to the young lady
whose good opinion he was anxious
to capture. eyes, INDEED, I believe
that young 1nen should be econonni-
CAL" $50 do l." she ardently replied;
"but then fried oysters occasionally
can hardly be called extravaganza"
Philadelphia Herald.
MISS DUFFY-'I hear that you are
engaged to young Solder, the plumb
er." Miss Puffy-"It is a fact, Jane"
ssIt always struck me that he was g.
cold, callous creature" "Well, Jane,
[ confess that he does not do very
much cooling, but on billing he cannot
be surpassed. "-Philadelphia Gail.
IT is related of the late DR.. Hodge,
of Princeton Theological Seminary,
that be once asked student for g.
definition of eternity. The student,
after some hesitation. replied that he
used to know the definition, but had
forgotten it. "Oh, my. my, my |" ex-
claimed DIR. Hodge, bringing his hand
down forcibly upon the table, sWhat
a calamity Tho only man in the
universe that ever knew what eternity
is has forgotten"
YOUNG woman to dealer-"I want
to look at g. cane that would be suita-
BILE for a Christmas gift" Dealer
"E'Or q VOunO Or an old Gentleman