News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-12-08

MfS. DdScOu-1Ou WOuluQ Dell6V
it, Mrs. Tibbits, to look at me now: bu
when was girl about nineteen yeal
old, | lost my appetite, and grew S
pale and thin that everybody said I wa
going to fade away and die.
Mrs. Tibbits-Indeed and what wa
the matter with you2
Mrs. Bascom-Love,
Mrs. Tibbits-Do tell How did vol
ever recover?
Mrs. Bascom-Oh, it came aroun
kind of natural like. You see, Joshu
called TO see me one night, looking av
full blue; and says he, mildred, folk
amt, Joshua" says I, ''not if you,
have me. "-ITd Bits.
WAS THERE.
Once upon time a young Londone
went out to visit his uncle in India, an
some months after the family received
letter from the uncle to say that hi
nephew was dead, and that his body ha,
been sent home in sailing ship. TIL
vessel duly arrived and peculiarly
shaped box was delivered to the rela
tions. The undertaken examined it
and found it contained Bengal tiger
The father was, of course, surprised
and cabled to his brother in India:
''Some mistake; Georges body no
arrived. Coffin contained Bengal tiger.
The reply was:
"No mistake; George inside tiger"
IN THE DARK.
Ethel and Egbert were bidding eacI
other a proper goodbye the other even
ing, when the draft from the open from
door blew the hall light out and left
both the young people in sudden dark
ness.
"Weren't you awfully afraid" asked
Ethel's dearest friend next day, when
Ethel was telling the story, ''to be lett
alone in the dark like that2"
eyes, dear, [ was," confessed Ethel,
frankly. "Egbert is quite bashful, you
know, and I was afraid he wouldn't see
how perfectly helpless [ was. ."-Somer-
0ilge Journal.
NOT TOO BUSY FOR THAT.
s'I've O very important editorial tc
write, James," said country editor tc
the boy, ''and must on no account be
disturbed"
"Yessir," said the struck boy.
In five minutes James raped timidly
at the door.
"Didn't I tell you I mustn't be dis
turbed?" shouted the editor.
'tThere is man down stairs will
half bushel of turnips!" shouted the
hoy;
editor.
ENGAGED.
A girl who was strong and willing t.
work was recently engaged by lady i
the city. The strength of the new dc
Inestic was lInqucstiOned, and her will
ingness was equally apparent. He
mistress gave her Il camel's-hair sacqu
to brush. She took the garment anc
was gone long time with it, and wher
she returned she was questioned abOu
the delay. She answered:
81 niver saw such dirty thing in me
loife. [ have been pulling the hairs out
of this iver since L lift and can't get it
clane."
so AMUSED.
Wife-I was so amused in church this
When the plate was passed
to that pert little Miss Smith she hastily
put her hand in her pocket and then
shook her head and turned as red as
fire. She had evidently forgotten to
bring any change. She looked awfully
and was glad of it.
Husband-What was the text9
Wife-It was from Matthew: ''What
soever ye would that men should do to
you, do We even SO to them" Mr..
Goodman was unusually elective
Epoch.
SOMETHING PLEASANT.
"Cnn't you say something pleasant to
me ?'' said husband to his wife, as he
was about to start for his office.
They had had little quarrel, and he
was willing to ''make up"
"Ah, John, responded the pcnitent
lady, throwing her arms around his
neck, ''forgive my foolishness. We
we're both in the wrong. And don't for
get the babys shoes, dear, and the ton
If coal, and we are out of potatoes; and
John, love, you must leave me some
money for the gas man"
PRACTICALLY QUALIFIED.
Railway experimentation desire
/ position as track inspector
Stranger-If you please, sir.
care you familiar with track construc-
ion ?"
"Perfectly. l have made it study
or years, and particularly since the
Commerce law went into OPP
Grafton.
'Indeed?"
eyes, sir. I am retired actor"
ooh All right. Come in. ."-Boston
Courier.
PROLONGED SUFFERING.
At a crowded political meeting on the
Bowery, a man weighing about 200
pounds stood on Sykes toes. After
putting up with it for some time, Sykes
said, in something of an injured tone of
voice:
"My friend, how much longer have I
got to stand thisl"
"About two and half hours more,
guess. DR.. McGlynn and two other
,rators have got to speak yet.-Tecas
SJtings.
BEFORE TEN.
Judge B. with emphasis). "Clara
s that George fellow coming round here
again tonight z"
Clara (hOpeIessly). ~ believe, papa.
Judge B, "WeIl, daughter, re:nem-
Der this: This house closes at ten sharp,
md
Clara. Chastily). "Oh, George will be
lere before that, papa, please don't
yorrry. .''-Harper's Bazar.
SHE GAVE HER HAND AWAY.
"You have a lovely hand, Nellie,
aid Algernon, softly.
"Do you think so 2"
Il know it. L admire a beautiful
land, but mine is large and Informed.
wish [ had hand like yours"
"Then, why don't you ask for it q
He gasped once, and then asked for
I. t.-NeJraska State Journal.
THE SHAKES.
Murphy of Goatville-Oi think yu're
faver and ager politician, McGuin-
less.
McG-Gust elected Alderman). How
Eye make dat out, Murphy9
Muprhy-Bekase yu have tn shakes
lown so fOine. Before election you
hake me by tn hand, but now yu shake
ne entoirely.-IFd Bits.
TWO OFFERS.
First Young Lady-Do you know that
Julia Gawkie had two offers last week!
Second Young Lady-Nonsense l
lon't believe it.
First Young Lady-But it's fact, she
had. On Saturday Charley Doodle of