Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1887-09-27
wITICISMS

Duluth basebalhst, Is often ouI on n.y.
Abraham. Isaac and Jacob seem 10 have
been the grand Jswry that first indicted
the Bible.
Henry Watterson's Money Devil
seems TO have left this country for his own
dominion. PHILADELPHIA Ne1rs.
If the United States authorities ever get
hold of the lamented McGarigle he will be
| convinced that in Union there is strength.
A sOn of Jesse James has gore to work
in a real estate office. Well, he can't help
II: the boys of that family are born rob-
berS.
The how whose mother whaled him with
a fye-foot apple tree sprout said he hau
enough Of Long Branch for this season.
Waterloo Observer.
Farmers wife: "Where did You come
/ frompr Wayfarer: Camp" What are
Won ~ Scamp" +. w: "Scamper.
DeCamps ~instanter.
Eastern railroad companies should revise
their passenger tariffs at once SO as to make
a slight distinction between the quick and
the dead.-DuIuh Photographer.
Great Actress-Oh, Mr.. De Stage, we
can't play tonight. Travelling Manager.
WHY not? Our trunks haven't arrived,
and we haven't a thing TO wear" That's
all right, III put on u burlesque -Omdhd
World.
If Jim Jenkins don't stop shooting our
windows out there'll be trouble. This Is
no rented house and the windows cost
money. II he wants TO shoot at us he
must come inside. -HdTesriWe (Hy.) PLAIN
dedler.
Mamma" said Bobby, 81 know why q
burnt child breads the fire" why
asked mamma. because, when he gets
; burnt once, the burn makes him smart
|, enough not to get near the stove again
ErchUge.
THAT fellow wants the earth" re-
marked the clerk, rs the tall guest dlsap-
/ peared after making many demands.
Him" said the porter; you couldn't
|, give him the earth; he owns three town
, lots in Wichita
. Florrie-No, dear, it was not an editor
who wrote that beautiful name beginning:
Come, read to me = poem, some simple
a and heartfelt lay" We don't know who
wrote it, but it was not an edltor.-NdSh-
riHe ARericdR.
AN phwat are vez in mOur-rning for,
Mrs. Macmackiner-rny?' "S0rra the DAY.
thin, it's tor Kelly, Mrs Killinagur.' An
: phwat did Kelly die of, Mrs. Macmack-
in~er-rny?'' Sure, he died on third, bad
cess to i'm
The Jersey City Board of Works are
liable to indictment. They recently dis
charged a clerk named Woodcock, who had
served over thirteen years, and now he
' threatens to prosecute them for killing
game birds out of seasOd.
creamat6fy; and may the recording angel
!, chalk down every adulteration ."-Duluth
Photographer.
Made a hog of himself: Farmer Hay
seed-GOt n letter from Johnny to-day.
He's a gettin' along fine, and says he's got
into cube root. Mrs. Hayseed-Thar!
told you that thar boy would make a hog
g of hisSelf. -Nerdrk Independent.
D The first frost of the season has visited
=, the Northwest and already people are be-
ginning to pick their front gates and get
them ready for the fair. In fact they've
It been sort of tending the fair in their cir
cular way all summer. -DHiUh Para
grapha.
4 sec ~ lut pdpSl, Sdiu SCluSkS, uV
I least by a headline, that a woman shot at
b Coney Island"
e Well said Mugs, "pll venture TO
e say, from what l know of the sex's marks
e manship. that she didn't hit ii. "-Ph7d-
delphia Times.
Teacher-What did the woman of Sama-
e ria take to the we'll?
Pupil-A pitcher.
what for"
'tShe wanted to drown him because he
5 couldn't make the up curve. "-NOriaOWR
Independent.
For wit and reverence the western Off
1, spring takes high hOnors and sets an ex-
ample for the platform and pulpit. A
three.year-Old Dulnthian, who had been
I forbidden TO climb on the table, broke the
2 maternal command, and atter getting tired
finally called: Here | is, mamma; better
tum and Diet me down" Being told that
he would have TO remain on his forbidden
perch, he studied the matter over 4 min
D ute, and then hanging his feet over. pro-
eeeded to Jump, exclaiming: Here |
dcze, mamma, Lord help me. "-DUlUh
Photographer.
Proud Philadelphian-It was a glorious
celebration, wasn't it?
Wife-Indeed it was. And how thank
full we should be that our ancestors were
members of the first constitutional conven-
ton.
More than that! More than that, my
dear. They fought for liberty on the field
Of battle. They laid all they had on the
altar OF freedom, yea, life itself, that we
might enjoy the blessings of human liber-
! ty, but | must hurry down town"
why, what's going on tonight"
II want to find out what candidates
Boss MeManes has set mp tor me to vote