The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-08-04
BACK FROM THE GRAVE.
Josiah Bodflsh's Queer Scheme to Save
Himself from Being Buried Alive
L-.n,a, fha ri ,,.,,, IJosayJ


old Uncle Josiah Bodfish's death and burial.
and when met him coming out Of a law
ver's office and looking rather more bell1g-
erent than usual it gave me a bit of ST 1T
and creepy" feeling up and dowr my
SHINE. But it was josiah, sure as conf, be,
and there was nothing ghostly in i" a.
nearauce. ] asked him how he came to lie
Eli extant i'll such an irregular way and he
fold me all about it.
$50 YOU thought / was snufied oui did
vou3 That's a good one on you Tut, then,
idon't knows | can blame ycu, seJ n my
own folks lowed | was q caGa 'r. I'VE got
n lawsuit with 'em about it. The had me
talen ND by u constable for distl bing the
neafe. and that's what's IN Ia M about.
I'm ont on bail now lis a ocular case,
and if | had mind to Il Ike The Soopreme
Court could knock en- out On the question
whether man who has ueen buried can be
locally prosecuted. You know them spells
have. When get one Pm liable to be
nInmp out o. my senses for hours, and I'm
q little nervous about 'em sometimes. II
anybody tells YOU it isn't nothin' but whisky
You cali him liar, and I'll back You up
Won know I'm not Incorporate and you
never saw me take anything between drinks
in your life.
"Mebbe you've noticed that me and the
old woman don't hitch very well. Yes, |
Thought so. Some folks have a habit O no
tcing other folks doin's. Wen, it's all
OWN to Deacon Sliderback takin' too gol-
darned much interest in the spiritual wei
fare of my family. My old woman's been
so PIoUs
I've been little fearsome that she might
get too anxious to have me join the heaven
" choir and plant me if | happened to have
n real bad spell and not come to as spry as
common"
I suggested to Uncle Josiah that he
couldn't be buried without physicians GER
tifcate that he was dead.
CHATS another point, he replied. CDR.
Pibohls don't like me enough to hurt since
Iputu little job on him, and | kinder
suspected he'd play practical joke on me
if he got chance III a professional way. |
don't believe the authorities would want
certificate anyway if they knew Pllbous
had anything to do with the case. They'd
consider that reasonable ground to suppose
that the patient was ripe for the cold and
silent tomb. If you don't want to be
slammed into a coffin and sent kiting to
glory before your time, don't you have
Pilbolus He's a quack, sure I'd been
thinkn over what might happen, and had
a talk with the undertaken, who does all my
burying, and we fixed the thing up between
and all that sort of thing, you know. Go
in to have the whole racket patented next
week,
We'll, it seems [ got full or had a spell
last Saturday night, and the next thing |
knew woke up in the dark feeling mighty
queer Smelt like ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
and dead leaves and carbolic acid, you
know l thought I'd get up and see who
was dead, but, the first break | made |
bumped my head against something hard.
Then felt around and found | was boxed
in, and | concluded it was my own funeral
felt. So Just kicked the lid off, sat up
in the coffin, fished match out of my vest
pocket and took q look around. l recog-
nized the place by the inscriptions to the
memories of my first three wives and
maiden aunt, and it made me feel sort OF
blue to think how near had come to be-
ing reunited with the whole gang at one
lick
you can imagine how man would feel
to find himself slowed away on the top shelf
Of a tomb in such company, and read his
own epitaph on the plate by the light of a
birthstone match. / felt in my coat-tail
pocket and found
A FLASK OF BRANDY,
which showed that the undertaken was
man of his word and partially restored my
fully relieved to find that | was not yet in
heaven with my sainted late female rela-
tives, and with devout gratitude | emptied
the flask and returded thanks to a merciful
Providence, vowing that | would make
total wreck of that - Pilbolus as soon
as ever | should get out | felt sorry,
though, that / hadn't told the underta er to
I'LL III the chinks between my remains and
the coffin with sandwiches Then climbed
laf
putting it i'll my pocket as evidence. no
ticed that l was in my stocking feet, and
that the old woman had put on the remains
OF pair of hose all worn out at the heels. L
spose she thought because tho heels of the
late lamented were down when his toes
were turned up that the holes wouldn't be
noticed. That's the kind of woman she is.
Il found the telephone, rung up the of
flee and told EN- to send the sexton to let
me out. Then | says, Hello, Central.
Hello says Central. Connect the late
Josiah Bodlish, tomb So, with his widow,
number l ,O0l, says l."
Uncle Josh did not mean that he had
gone Solomon one better; the number OF
his telephone was l,001.
The line was switched on, and | was
just gon' to send doleful sound from the
tomb to comfort my sorTowing family and
save EN- the trouble OF gOin' to medium to
find out how was enjoyin' the climate OF
The sweet by and by, when | thought l
heard
A FAMILIAR VOICE.
Brushing spray of withered smilax from
my left ear | listened and heard Deacon
Sliderback say, as plain as could be: The
Lord giveth aud the Lord taketh away, Sis
Ter Bodlish, and everything is for the best
She allowed it was, and l couldn't detect
anything but the cheerfulness kind of resg
nation in her voice. Then the deacon said:
Brother Josiah had has faults, Sister Bod
ish.' Then | heard her say she should
smile, and thought the hilarity was a little
previous. Il suppose that it was drink that
Killed him, said the deacon, and she al
lowed it was, and went on with whole lot
OF stuff, winding up with Thank good
ness there won't be any more pink snakes
with blue tails in those shoes over by the
corner
Il stopped to finish what there was in the
bottom of the flask, and then l heard the
deacon say: Now, that the snakes have
been driven from those shoes, Sister Bod
FISH, may | hope to step into them some
aqayf Nice way of proposing, that was.
Wen, that settled it. | just groaned
through the telephone like an insulted
ghost The sexton came along then and let
Inc out, and liz out for home on jump.
when walked into the parlor, where the
gas was burning low, dressed up in my best
black coat, split up the back by the man
who laid me out, and tossed that colin
plate into the old woman's lap, right where
tile deacon could read il Won bot there was