Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1887-05-11
A DELICATE SITUATION.

A DELICATE SITUATION.
ImuSt commence this narrative with
a most painful admiSSion-my wife is a
confirmed kleptOmaniac. In all other
respects she is an admirable woman,
though l say it who shouldn't. She is
beautiful-at least in my eyes; she is
comparatively young, though perhaps
she might not like me to be too precise
on this point; she has troops of friends
and no lack Of anything that husband
IN comfortable circumstances and devo-
tedly attached to her can supply; and
vet owing to some distressing mental
disorder she IS continually bringing
home other peoples property.
Nothing, l am quite sure, could be
further from her gentle disposition than
the vice Of cOYetOuSneSs. She does not
take things because she wants them, or
in order to obtain a cheap qualification.
So far as / can see she is subject merely
10 the same propensity as the jackdaw.
About a year ago Mrs, Arbuthnot, an
acquaintance Of ours, lost a valuable
bracelet, which felt quite sure Maria
had taken. But l never could find it
though l searched the house from top
t0 bottom. Mrs. Arbuthnot had her
suspicious, could see, and this drove
me- nearly frantic, not only with think
ing OF what become of the bracelet, but
also with trying to discover remedy
Tor the existing state of affairs.
AT last hit upon what struck me as
a really good idea. Like cures like,
argued. If were to introduce into the
house another kleptomaniac would not
Maria become disguised and alter her
way? A bad habit in ourselves may be
tolerated, but when it crops up in
Others il often assumes a most repulsive
aspect and straightway clamorS for its
removal. Such, at least was my idea.
thought it worth trial.
The first thing to be done was to
secure a genuine kleptomaniac. With
this object in view l inserted in several
Of the daily papers the following adver-
tiSement:
Wanted, kleptomaniac, who must
be a lady Of otherwise irreproachable
habits and pleasing manners; she viii
be required to act as companion to
gentleman's wife, who is similiary
afflicted; duties light; remuneration
liberal. Apply in the first instance to
y. I. Z.''-care Of a firm of advertis-
ing agents.
Imagine my surprise at receiving
ifty-seven answers to my advertise
ment, every one of the ladies claiming
to be a lady. From the nature of the
case, l could not very well ask for
references. Not that this mattered
much, for l lad enough confidence in
my own judgment to think l could do
without them.
l went through all the letters with
great care, putting aside all that tried
10 recommend themselves by shame
!eSSiy describing acts of successful pill
ierIng. had no hesitation in conclud-
ing these ladies to be lmpostors attract
ed by the salary.
There remained but five, who BASH
iuliy said they were considered by their
friends to be kleptOmaniacs, a state
ment which they did not themselves
lndorse in any way,
decided to interview all five, that
beng the only way by which l could
discriminate between them. Accord
lngly l wrote TO ask them all to come
70 lay house on a certain day, and |
aaded that l would, of coure, defray
any travelling expenses. In order to
prevent clashing, which | saw might |
pace NE in most unpleasant position. |
requested one lady to present herself |
punctualy at IL O'Clock, another at
LOU another at y. and so on.
1here would be no difficulty from my |
VIE, Tor she was to be away from home |
al mat morning. 1t had been arranged |
tAdt certain Uncle Joe should escort |
.er 10 an exhibition which i had |
cecllned 0 attend.
Nhen the morning inquestion arrived |
l uled to bundle Maria out of the |
mouse with very unconjugal haste, but |
Notwithstanding all my efforts her toilet |
required SO much time that it was past |
II O'Clock before she drove off.
W hen my first visitor Miss White |
appeared a meeker looking creature | |
never saw. She was neatly dressed in |
p-aeh; IN figure she was tall. thin and |
LdIher angular, and she had a pinched |
lace, with very mournful expression. |
"Aen she first entered she raised her |
S-'N44NN az diIu tlltll dI IIb |
room, but then after that thev fell, as if |
lhey were habitually fixed upon the
Her intellect, imagined, was little |
quil, Tor she apparently mistook the seat |
/ assigned to her and occupied the |
COuch. In Self-defense was obliged to |
move my chair farther away and face |
the light, which was not what | had |
intended. Without taking any notice |
Gl my action Miss White laid down by |
lrr side black bag she had been carry
lIg- Ihen she drew out her haadker- |
IllIei' I' placed it on her lap, and folded |
iier handS over it, in this attitude. with
uo"heast eyes, she silently waited for |
tne 10 pesn'-a most difficult thing to |
y. uo, dS now found. As tried to escape |
slle necessary questions so as to be the |
n1I ie%st offensive, l grew very uncomfort- |
TAhemi' l said Miss Whitem
4here was a knock at the door and |
James my facttoum, entered.
osd a l.. lazy to see you, sir,'' be announ- |