Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-08-28
HIS IMPORTATION BUREAU.

HIS INFORMATION BUREAU.
Bun Nye Takes IN Inquirer asd Edssasss
have received the following note from
another anxious inquirer after truth:
JERSEY CrY, N. T., July IS.
DEAR SR-would you mind giving .
little space 10 an explanation Of naturah-
zation rs practiced in this country, to
gether with its effects? How would 60
to work TO become paturalized? What are
the first steps! What would Be the result
of naturalization here, or in New York
City, in case afterwards concluded 10
return to England, whore was born
What are my duties towards the United
States pending my naturalization, and
what are the duties Of the United States
towards me during the same timee What
were the peculiar doctrines of the Druids?
Would you advise young man, forty
seven years Of age, to begin the study Of
ffteen-ball pool? What is the peculiarity
Of classical music, and how can one dis
tinguish il? What do you think Of my
handwriting? TRUrH-SEEKHR.
Naturalization, according to Theodore
D. Woolsey, who has practiced It for years,
takes place when an alien transfers his
allegiance from the country Of his origin
and the sovereign Of the same to another
country and sovereign. Your best method
for becoming naturalized in the State Of
New Jersey would be to write TO Her
Most Gracious Majesty Queen Of Great
Britain, Empress Of India General Assist
ant Parent to His Royal Badness the Prince
Of Wales. and Leading Regina Of the
Known World, asking her TO return your
letters and henceforth regard you only - .
| friend.
Naturalization may be partial OF COM
plete and may bs detected by any one who
Is close observer. Naturalization II most
likely to attack those who have formerly
been aliens and allowed it to get the upper
hand Of them" Under the Constitution
of the United States no naturalized citizen
can be President and great many who
have not had any difficulty of that kind
find that this industry is overcrowded.
So If you come to this country with ,
burning desire to obtain employment ~
President, you had better give IL mp. We
never elect q man who has been an alien
and who is liable to have il break out on
him again whenever the sun gets very hot.
We have made it rule for years, if posi-
BILE, to elect thick-set, self-made Ameri-
can citizen to the Presidency, and then we
feel free to 90 and board with him and
make suggestions to him and tread frosted
cake into his body brussels carpet
There are several steps that you might
take in order to get naturalized in this
country. Your maiden step, however,
would be to get born on foreign strand.
You could then begin active preparations
for becoming naturalized, such for instance
as crossing the ocean, aud while leaning
over the piazza Of the ship and peering
down into the soft green waves, divesting
yourself of your political disabilities.
You do not state in your letter whether
you are white or colored. You simply say
you are an Englishman. In writing 70 .
newspaper You ought to be explicit and
state your case fully. II you are white
man from England you may he natural.
lied by denouncing your own sovereign
in unmeasured terms and naming your
first daughter Frances. Your health
would then be good, and your vote would
be counted. II you are colored Eng
lishman we would reserve the right to
inquire who you voted for before counting
your vote.
Your duty towards the United States
pending your naturalization, would DO 70
write home as often as possible, referring
to the great blessings Of American freedom
aud showing the poor, oppressed foreigner
how much quicker and easier he can get
his expressing done here than elsewhere.
The duty Of the United States towards
you in the meantime is 10 protect you from
foreign invasion and throw our navy around
you 80 that you may 20 to bed every night
without fear Of invasion, for no foreign
power would 20 far forget what 10 due 70
the aged or helpless as to attack our navy.
So you would be always safe, and II you
took plenty of exercise and did not get
your feet wet while being naturalized you
would make good citizen and enjoy good
health.
The duty of khe United States towards
an unnaturalized citizen is quite plain, but
not irksome. The United States; As re-
public, never allows its obligations towards
the offspring OF q monarch TO prey on It.
So, IL you wish to come forward and re-
pent and be naturaiized you will Always
find the United States ready TO treat you
white.
i do not know much about the Druids.
Our folks were mostly Wings and Episco.
palians. The Druids, % near as ] can
learn, were set Of open-air sect, who wor.
shipped sylvan god, ate watermelons
during dog days and regretted II till the
ground froze up. They were the first re-
ligi0us organization to introduce the Gus
tom Of borrowing money in this world
with the understanding that It was 10 be
paid in the next. Prior to that, the Gus
tom Of drawing promissory notes and
making them payable 60 days after death
had never obtained. II was good deal
more fun TO be Druid than IL was 70 run
o general store where the Druids did the
trading.
| II you are AZ years Of age do not try to
play 15.bAll pool unless your money 10
making you It's slave. ] have only played
two games OF pool in my life and both
times ! got the No. 8 ball and. when II
came my turn to play, other hands bad
gathered the persimmons. Once IL was .
saw-of, and had the pleasure Of eating
the leather. tip of the end OF my cue while
the others played. and then contributed