The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1887-02-16
Not TO BE Fooled.

NUt W Dt GOO1tus
Mr.. Josiah Smith, aged fifty-fve, was
born and brought up in the town of
Smithville, Connecticut, where his
father had been born and brought up
before him. Neither circumstances nor
inclinations had ever carried Mr..
Smith far from his native village, and
his mental horizon was bounded by the
town limits. For pig-headed obstinacy
and self-conceit the man whose knowl-
edge of the world is gained in his own
backyard has few rivals. Mr.. Josiah
Smith was a bright and shining exam
pie of his class. 1t was his proud boast
that nobody could fool him. To be sure,
nobody in Smithvile ever tried to or
wanted to. Living apart from the tur-
mol and temptation of the busy world,
his acumen had never been submitted
to the sharp test of experience, and so
for fifty-five years he had been able to
nurse the comfortable belief that he
was considerably smarter than his fell
low-mortals. "They can't fool me,'
Mr.. Smith was accustomed to say, with
considerable JUNCTION, followed by APP
plauding assent at the grocery store
where he traded Mr.. Josiah Smith
was farmer, and like other farmers
who have city cousins in New York,
two years ago he received one summer
visit from his city relatives. They
stayed on the farm for few weeks, dis
played their ignorance of such funda-
mental principles as milking and now
ing, enjoyed the fresh air and novel ex-
perience, didn't fool him, and went
away leaving a cordial invitation for
him to return the visit and come and
see them in New York. Mr.. Josiah
Smith went last summer. He spent
the intervening two weeks in getting
posted. He read an old guide-book and
a cheap novel called "Life in New
York" but most of all he read the city
column in his Tribune. OF all the
tricks and lodges, that which most i'm
pressed Mr.. Smith and that which he
regarded with the most infinite con-
tempt was that species of confidence
game whereby the operator, recogniz-
ing the victim as an old acquaintance
lures him into some den to see him
cash lottery ticket and leaves him pen
niless. Mr.. Smith, when he thought
of this simple contrivance to catch the
unwary, waXed eloquent over the fools
who will be so easily shared, and ended
by asserting again that they couldn' t
fool him. Early last spring Mr.. Smith
started for the metropolis. No trunk
trunks were sometimes lost. He carried
his modest wardrobe in an old-fash-
toned carpet-bag shaped like an in
verted bellows, with brass lock of
CT
handles. Then, with linen buster on
his back, one hand on his carpet-bag
and the other on his watch, and rigid
determination on his face, he seated
himself in the cars. He resisted the
Establishments of the train boy who
fired at him the customary round of
peanuts, literature and mixed candies.
He resisted the temptation to turn over
an illustrated paper, which the boy laid
on the seat, and look at the other side
fearing that such an act might give the
boy a right to demand the price of the
paper. When they stopped ten min
utes for refreshments he took from his
grip-sack three hard-boiled eggs and
four slices of bread, and ate them in a
wary and cautious manner; he changed
cars under protest, and finally rolled
into the Grand Central depot, past the
tall station where the train-dispatcher
sends out over the network of rails
east, south, north and west-the trains
with their weight of humanity, always
surging in and out from the great me-
tropolis, until the train stopped at the
other end of the huge station. Now
among the city cousins who had visited
Mr.. Josiah Smith was young John OF
New York, and to young John was
deputed the courteous task of meeting
and greeting Josiah at the depot And
there John was; but two years haC
altered young John, both as to his
clothes and as to his physique. 1t takes
decade to noticeably alter the cut of
trousers in small country village, but
the world moves faster in the city, and
young Johns trousers had grown very
small indeed; he wore tooth-pick shoes
and another hat from the style of two
years ago, and, moreover, he was cult
waiting a slight moustache. Cousin Jo
siah didn't know him, but he knew
Cousin Josiah TO every stitch in his
raiment. But young John had a pleas
ant and gamey way with him, and So
instead of calling out, " Hullo, Cousin
JOSIAH" he slipped airily forward, and
lifting his hat, said; This is Mr.. 10
siah Smith, believer" He wanted t.
make an impression; he did. The ole
man, mindful of the confidence game
felt that this was his opportunity, Will
the battle-cry of the New Highlander
"By gosh" he swung aloft the might,
carpet-bag, and, exclaiming, "You cam
fool me-" he brought it down on thu
head of young John. A quarto Bible
a pair of heavy shoes, hair-brush anc
other bric-a-brac bound in leather anC
cloth, and supplemented by brass
lock, makes no mean weapon. Young
John dropped like a bullock. There
was crowd and some confusion, Blu
when young John had been moppeC
into consciousness again he explained
matters, However, young John is no
quite so airy as he was, and JOSIAH
Smith has not been heard, during tn,
entire summer, to assert that "the,
can't fool him" 1t is believed thai
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