The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1887-09-13
ME PRESS.
UEsDAY MORNING, SEPT. 10.
WIT AND WISDOM.

"How many runs did you make today, JimmyP"
asked boy Of member of the New York club
SForty-four"
"Any home runs?"
"one; me mudder got there in de fir Innings
have been for several years sufferer from
Hay Fever and severe head colds and have tried
other remedies in hope of getting relief but have
found none that can compare with Ely's Cream
Balm. would not be without it for any consider
ation II is simply wonderful in its effect upon
the nasal organs.
S. II. BURTT, Wilmington, N. C.
can eheerfully recommend Elys Cream Balm
TO the suffering public for Hay Fever and stoppage
Gf the air passages. have tried it and find it
gives immediate relief.
J.E. RECTOR, 209 Rock St., Little Rock, Ark
Miss Jones-Don't you think, MFR. Heha, that
Miss Brown, whom you met last evening, is a very
plain person?
Mr.. Heha-Yes, indeed, 1 think she is the home
Hest girl ever saw, present company, of course,
always ex-er-um-that is-yes, she's mighty
plain
In the Whole hideous Catalogue
Ot diseases there were none which, previous to
the discovery of Hostetter's Stomach Bitters. Of
fered more formidable resistance to the old FASH
Toned modes of treatment than the group of mala-
dies which, under the collective name of malarial
disease, afflicted entire communities that suffered
hopelessly. Chills and fever, dumb ague, ague
cake and bilious remittent were once regarded as
wei nigh incurable. Now it rejoices the hearts
Oh thousands who reside in districts periodically
subject TO the visitation of malaria to feel certain
lnat IN the Bitters they possess certain defense
against the scourge sure means of expelng its
poison from the system. To the settler in the far
West the new emigrant thither, and TO travellers
ana tourists by land and sea- the possession of
pleasant : a nj
from diseases which they might vaInly seek from
any other source.
Husband-I can't stand this any longer. You
make me desperate
Wife-So you have said before
Husband--Im going into the next room to kill
want to kill yourself, the woodshed is plenty good
enough.
Do not suffer from Sick Headache a moment
longer. II is not necessary. Carter's Little Liy-
er Pills will cure you. Dose one pill. All drug
gists sell them.
"Hot day." said stout gentleman to a stran-
ger on crowded Main Street car one day.
"Hey?" said the other
"Hot day." said the first. somewhat louder.
Excuse me, I'm somewhat deaf, and hardly
caught your meaning. What did you say?"
ing at his neiPhbor, and getting red in the face
as everybody in the car looked up from their pa
"Ah, yes, yesl how much must you pay9 Five
cents; that's the fare on this line.n
WhereupOn the corpulent individual said some
bad words under his breath and got off the car.
YES" said the deaf man, gently, that's the
tenth man within an hour that's told me it was
hot day. Pr'aps they imagine don't know ii .
and he smiled and famed himself with his hat
Palpitation of the heart, nervousness, trem
blings, nervous headache, cold hands and feet
pain in the back, and other forms of weakness
are relieved by Carriers Iron Pills, made specially
for the blood, nerves and complexion.
The Correct Pronunca:
Mrs Blngham--I s'pose Miss Amelia YOU saw
some grand specimens OF archtecter when you
was down in New York city?
Miss Amelia (who has been studying French
without master)-0h, yes, indeed, Mrs Bing-
(hats).
PHYSICIANS SAY so.-"DigestyIin, is, with
out doubt the best remedy yet discovered for
Dyspepsia and Indigestion. 1t will positively
cure the worst forms. 1t is palatable and harm
less. Don't fail to give ii a trial. Sold by all
Druggists, or VIM. 1. Kidder g. Co., Chemists, SO
John ST., N Y. S1.oo per bottle.
Teacher in zoology to new student lust from
me rural distriets-To what family does the frog
belong?
Student-To the crocus family.
Ieacher-Correct; and TO what family does the
bee belong? W.
Student-To the honeysuckle family.
Student-To what order?
Student-Begonia order.
Ieacher-Take your place at the head.