Richmond dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1884-1903, 1887-08-14
inquiries as deem necessary-thati is,
if yen still desire our friendship.
HIS STARTLING REFERENCE.
II was now Mark TwAin's turn.

DIS nOped-fOr fatner-iu'h", yoh 90
timents are in every way correct. L
approve of them myself. and hasten TO
add that YOU have not been mistaken
in nv sentiments towards your daugn-
ter. whom / may tell you candidly
seems to me to be the most perfect OF her
sex. and I honor your solicitation OF
her welfare. / am not only perfectly
willing TO give you reference, but am
only too glad TO have an opportunity
10 90 so, which my natural modesty
would have prevented me from offering.
Therefore, permit me to give yon the
names of q few OF my friends. l Will
write them down. First is Lieutenant
General john McComb, Alexander
pedlsm. General Lander, and Colonel
W. II. l.. Barnes. They will all lie Tor
me lust az l would for them under ike
circumstances
This conclusion broke the Old man
oil up, and lie never asked more refe-
renee nor wrote to those gentlemen.
Those who know this quartette will APP
preciate the joke.
A few weeks before Mark Twain
started away on the trip mentioned
above he was standing on Montgomery
street, leaning up against lamp post,
and be held cigar-box under one arm.
Mrs. Captain Edward Poole, a very
beautiful woman, and as bright and
as witty MS beautiful, came along and
storped and held out her hand saying
"Whv, Mark, where are you going In
sucL a hurry ?" "I'm m-o-o-ving,
drawled Mark, at the same time open
ing the cigar-box, disclosing pair OF
blue socks, a pipe, and two paper
collars.
a GOOD JOKE.
Max Twain never was much OF
ladieG' man, and he always appeared
like fish out of water when ne hap
pened to be near them. A good story
is told Of visit he for some reason had
TO make TO lady since known as very
fine painter and writer, though then
she was only " society lady. sand her
powers we've yet untried. There were
several young ladies' visiting there from
Napa. aud they took the occasion to
have some dressmaking done, and they
had obtained a wax lay figure to try the
dresses on. The afternoon was rainy aud
the girls had all been at work, not ex-
pecting visitors, and they had dressed
the figure in Mrs. BIS clothes, and
tben went ont of the dining-room to
tea. In the mean time Mark rang the
lell end was admitted, and while wait
inc he sauntered to the open doors OF
the back parlor, and there saw Mrs.
P, as he supposed, and he made as
good bow as he could, which Is not
saving much, and said "Good after
noon.
No answer. He cleared his throst
and advanced few steps, saying
"Ahcm! | remarked, Mrs. B,
that-it is raining"
Sui 10 answer, and flushing he
stuck both hands far down III his
pockets and going a few steps nearer
said =
1T is a pleasant day, Mrs. 3, !
came up from the Afa Office ton,
pshaw 7" he exclaimed as he discovered
his mistake and the fact that three ortour
Girls were standing in the other door
behind the real Mrs. b, nearly
stranglod with suppressed laughter.
lie managed to deliver his message.
but nothing would induce him to stay,
ana lie went away giving the miserable
figure malevolent look as be went.
cuRIoslTIEs N NATURAL HISTORY.
There ia On Nassau street, near the
region where the Offices of the primer
ral newspapers OF the metropolis are
located, popular restaurant. 1t has
the inevitable annex OF nearly every
| New York restaurant-a saloon. Ihe
bartender OF this saloon is a naturalist
of intelligence and extensive research
A journalist, who is himself a writer
on subjects pertaining to natural his
tory. called at the saloon the other day
TO get n lemonade. and the bartender
directed bis attention to big cock
roach that was imbibing the ale which
had dripped down upon the marble
basin under the silver faucet OF
an ale-barrel. Every newspaper
office has its cOckroaches and every
journalist of experience is sup
posed TO know all about them, but the
writer in question was panied and sur
prised to discover that the roach. when
given an opportunity, is confirmed
toner. The roach before mentioned had
been drinking alein the marble basin ioI
an hour. The bartender picked him
I'D. placed him on the counter. and put
him through his movements for tho en-
tertainment of the naturalist. The
roach in wasa state Of disgraceful intoxl
cation. lie staggered along the coun
ter. ran against the straw with whlcl
The naturalist had been drinking
lemonade, and fell back on hi
back. The bartender took
toothpick, helped the roach to hi
feet again, and escorted him along Tn,
counter. The insect was blind to al
distractions, and he ran his hea'
against lump of ice lying on the bar
lie seemed to be impressed with tn
fact that the ice had offered him som
indignity, and he awkwardly struck a
it with one fore-foot. 1t froze the foot
and be resented the singing sensation
by striking again and again. A crow
of men about town gathered to see tn
insects antics. but the ice seemed t
{ sober him, and he finally walked ava
, with a comparatively steady gait an'
, hid under the counter.
A DRUNKEN FLY.
The bartender said "a roach IS
happy, harmless drunkard, but liquo
| makes fly quarrclsome." At that III
{ slant big house.hy fell into glass
, champagne that one of the spectator
! ! of the roach's debauch was preparln
|. to drink. The fly was rescued froJ
the wine and laid on the counter. Il
appeared at first to be dead, but b
finally revived, struggled to his ieei
I and tried to walk away. One OF tn
q spectators thrust his finger before tn
fy's head, but his hyship paid no hee
to the act. He walked about in Gil
Gle and staggered like topper, Occ'
}. sionally the legs on one side. OF n
$ body would give out and he would ia
b over on his back, YEARLY wave his lee
Y in the air, and then lie motionless an
: supremely contented. A magniiyin
r glass was produced, and view OF III
8 fiy's countepance showed that his eye
Q were CLASSY and his expressiio
/ idiotic as compared with tn