The times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1882-1897, 1887-03-18
WIT AND HUsIos.

this EVENING"" He-..Attentive to!
You are mistaken; that's my wife. -
Life. nsggs
Baby carriages are now made to cost
as high as 1919 each. This Is good for
the carriage-makers, but it looks very
much like a blow at our infant indus
tries. Boston Transcript
Mrs. Swellington Really. my
dear. you owe it to your friends to get
u new dress suit Mr.. Swcllington
Joncs--'.Well, II do, shall have to
owe At to my tailor y Harper's Weekly.
Papa, what is modelp" inquired
little Johnny. "A model is small
likeness of anything" "And is n model
man small likeness of manp" "A
great many of them are. "-Merchant
Iravcler.
A Jubilee Judges: "Are you aware
OF any mitigating circumstances in your
casep' Criminal-"Yes, your Honor,
this is the fiftieth time have been ar
rested for vagrancy, and thought that
perhaps we might get up a little jubi-
lee."-Ieras Sjtings.
'You say you were in Germany six
months, and in all that time you did
not see drunken manp" mot one."
"That is remarkable. In what part of
Germany were you all this timer" I'm
Jail, pard, in jail. Say, stake fellow
for breakfast, can't you?"-Burdette.
Magistrate are old enough to
know better than to drink whisky,
Uncle Rastus. Uncle Rastus--I KANT
help it, yo' Honah. inherited tas'
fo' it. Observation-Disclosures taste
for it? Uncle Rastus-Yas, sab. Dat
boy Sam o mine is drunk mos oh dc
time.-N y San.
where have you been, JaneP" 1--we
been to meeting of the Girls Friendly
Society, ma'am." "Well, and what
did the lady say to you?" please,
ma'am, she said l wasn't to give you
warning, rs l meant to. She said /
was to look upon you as my thorn
and bear iti''-Loason Punch.
A brother in Williamsburg. Va, says:
1--WE wish a 81, 000-Baptist pastor here
who will serve us for $500, aud we look
to the DELICIOUS Herald to find him for
US" Any pastor who is now on sal
airy Of $4,000 and wishes to get it re-
duccd to $500 will please send us his
ddgess.-Richmond Religious Herald.
Yes. am poor man." he said, as
sad look stole over his expansive coun-
tenance, 'bGt that is nay misfortune
ought 10 have been worth 81 900, GOO,
but an honest man does not have much
of show in this world" II never en-
tered any" ''Ah! you are professions
nj man? mo, am an Anarchist. -
Ieori0 Cal.
Jones-.Hello, old man. how do YOU
like married life by this time2" Smith
Comparatively new TO matrimony,-
First rate! / wouldn't be u bachelor
again for good bit" Indeed! Why.
i understood your mother-in-law was
living with YOU" 20, no. Just the
other way. I'm living with herr
well, that does make difference. -
PittSburg Dispatch.
Scene in Chicago. Two long separrt-
ed friends meet: where is Uncle John
living, my dear fellow" "He isn't
living" What! Why. when did he
,die?" "He isn't dead" Good grac-
ious! You said he isn't living, and
infer that he is dead" well, it's about
the same thing. He moved to ST.
Louis. "-Neool1an Independent
Mr.. Winks-"Our travelling man.
Blifklns. says the thing in San Francisco
now is japanese, not Chinese, house
servants. Everybodyis getting them.'
Mrs. .Winks--''1'hey are really good.
thenp" Good! he says they are peer
less, absolutely without fault" dear
me, we must get one. 1t will make that
Heaven Bless Our Home motto seem
less like mOckery."
There's one thing like about you"
said Charley's girl to him the other eve
ming. Each of my former lovers was
continually asking me if he was the only
one l ever loved. You have never ask
ed me that question: mo. 10 tell
the truth, answered Charley. "thc last
girl | asked that of rang chestnut-bell
on me, and / have never asked the
question since IN Y Sun.
A Washington avenue boy was left
with neigkbor while his parents went
to see parade, and overheard the fol-
lowing gossip about them: ut was a
love match. They are most united
couple. After. all, the right way is to
marry for love-" Here the boy inter-
rupted with: Mamma married papa
cause she was fool. She said so!'-
Saturday Eeening Spectator.
''Are these spring chickens, Mrs.
Caterer" A1Yes, indeed, Mr.. Carp.
They were foaled-I mean hatched-in
March" Where did you get themp"
'.From Mrs. Rubric-an honest woman
and genuine Episcopalan." "Episco-
palian, is shep That accounts for the
scant upholstery on these bones. The
good woman has compelled her chickens
to keep Lent"-Yo nkers Gazette.
Rich and retired Socialist-My son,
you must give up your reckless ways
and not squander the money / earned
by many nights on the lecture platform.
Son-Giye 1t up? Why, there's plenty
of money left. Sire-Yes, but not Of
yours. Son-Correct; but and brother
Jim have decided that you would not
tell lie, SO we are going to divide the
family estate in three even parts
French Fan.