The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-12-10
EXPLORATIONS OF A
 PRINTER.
BY LEWIS NJ. SWEET.

 of the average inebriate. He usually insists, for instance, that the sober friend, who is steering him home- ward, is intoxicated, while he (the in- ebriate) imagines he is the sober one and, instead of being steered, is the steerer. An illustration of how badly an intoxicated man may be deceived recently occurred in New York.
 He had just reached the top of the flight of stairs which led to the office of large printing establishment after quarter of an hours hard work. When a man has been drunk since Saturday night, and is still drunk on Monday morning you can't reasonably expect him to go up a flight of stairs at Maud S. S.gait. A good many of the read CTS of Texas S1ttngs will acknowl- edge this to be fact. Judging from the facility with which he had un- loaded schooners, one might suppose he was longshoreman, but he was not he was printer and pressman. He was shabbily dressed, wore no col lar or diamonds, and was about thirty J JCtti . Old uo AhA db bIlIC Wio SOICCl HUI, but in sin and wickedness was really much older.
 "I wanter shee the bosh. Wanter shee him right off. He can't imposh on me. No, shir," he said with sweeping gesture.
 "Mr. Peeps, the proprietor of this establishment is on the next floor. Shall I coll hipa 1oyuu2O oel,od tbo digniGed looking cashier.
 "Call him down, or call him whasher please all the shame to me, only want to shee him quick"
 He took seat, and Mr. Teeps was called down. On entering the office Mir Peeps was surprised to see an em- ploye whom he had discharged that very morning for drunkenness. (Mr. Peeps, although he had been in the business number of years, didn't know that intoxication was part of the printers and pressman's trade.) The employe rose, and in a proud, but injured tone addressed MT. Peeps:
 "Misther Teepsh, doncher think for moment that l came here to taunt sher in your greatsh misfortune in losing me. have warm and gentle heart in thish boshom. What 1 want to shay is thish: want my pay. Give me my shix dollars, and then Pll leave yer to yer mishery."
 "Your pay? Why this is Monday morning, and my impression is you got your pay last Saturday night"
 "Mr. Teepsh, donsher try ter fool me, sir. You forgot to pay me Shat urday. You've been drinking, shir, of late. feel sho shorry for your fam fly. Shay, Teepsh, going to give me my shix dollars?"
 "No. Don't owe it to you."
 "Sphoshen demand it. Shay take yer hands off me-you'lI get hurt, stopsh--"
 Mir. Peeps had got him to the door, and being out of patience, gave the man with the warm and gentle heart in his "boshom" gentle little Third avenue elevated shove. When the in- ebriate came up stairs it took him fifteen minutes to get up eight steps, but in going down he beat his record by l4 minutes and 593 seconds, thanks to the attraction af gravitation and the gentle shove. Such are the ups and downs ot life.
 He gathered himself up, and assum- ing the air of man who had gained his point, went down the balance of the flight of stairs in triumphant manner, with his head up and tail feathers spread, so to speak. At the foot of the stairs, busy waiting, was his chum. This chum looked tough, in fact he might be called right down real tough. He was toughy tough one of those "Get off-me lip, cully" breed of toughs.
 "Did yer blokey give yer yer money?" asked the tough.
 "Why sher'ainly. Got six dollars in me inside pocket. Let's go on big drunksh Pm tired of being sho- ber."
 Cert, Pm wid yer every time."
 They went into the nearest saloon, had drink each, and were ordering a second, when the bar keeper remarked in the cynical manner with which ar-keepers usually treat shabbily dressed customers, that he "thought'' that they would have to settle for the first drinks previous to any subse- quent libations. After futile search in all his pockets for the money that he didn't get from Mir. Teeps, the bar keeper became demonstrative. The tough saw the impending cyclone, and went out first. He was followed by the inebriate, and a puff of dust where the barkeeper hit him be- tween the shoulder blades with the bung-starter. He landed on his ear and the cold, heartless sidewalk. But even then he was not entirely cured of his Authorizations, for after he was helped to his feet by his faithful chum he made some caustic remark ahont