News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-01-20
A SATISFACTORY PURCHASE.

Wife-Tm afraid you will think I am
extravagant, my dear, but I bought a
Rubens to-day, and paid forty dollars
for it.
Husband (excited)- Only forty dol.
lars? Why, you couldn't have pleased
me more. But are you sure it is gen
uine Rubens9
Wife-That's what the milliner said
who sold it to me.
sHREwD LAWYERS BRIEF.
The other day long-winded lawyer
was needlessly prolonging his argumen',
when the judge interrupted him:
''Mr. L, I beg of you-the case
Is very simple one; be brief"
The advocate then pointed to his op-
ponent and said:
'.He wrong, fright, yougood judge" :"
and sat down.
TROUBLED WITH A BAD TEMPER.
'Maud, don't you think Mr.. Robin.
son is very placid gentleman 2' asked
Lily.
81 know he's troubled with a very
bad temper"
''You surprise mel I have always
found him very mild tempered"
ooh, it isn't his own temper; it's his
wifes."
STRIVING TO PLEASE.
Young Husband-Isn't there some
thing peculiar about the taste of these
onions, my dear2
Young Wife (anxiously)-Oh, l hope
not, dear. Itook such pains with them.
l even sprinkled them with Jockey Club
before put them to boil to take away
the unpleasant odor.
GENEROUS CHILDHOOD.
Cousin Ned: Now, Edgardo, if you
will give me kiss, Ill show you my
watch
Edgardo (who is blase): Huh! that's
nothing new. Give the kiss to mamma
she don't get as many as do.
AHINT.
Gus De Smith had been talking to
Birdie McGinnis about a certain actor.
'Humph! could play the lover bet
ter than that myself" he remarked.
'I'd like to see you try it." said Bir-
pie. "-IeraS SJtings.
ODDS AND ENDS.
IF you want to make your presents
felt you must buy them at the hat store.
"GoD loves the cheerful giver," but
the trouble is so many of US are cheerful
over so pesky little.
A BURLINGTON hotel has this appro-
pirate motto hanging over the clerks
desk: "Blessed is the man who pays as
he goes"
A GREAT scarcity of the very small
coins is reported. We are afraid the
heather have got all the very small coins
by this Burlington Free Press.
A SHEET of paper seventeen inches
wide and more than seven miles long
was recently made at Watertown, New
York. The leading plumber of the
place had bill to make out.
REAsoNABLE.-''Di Didn't hear you call
your dog some queer name, Snooper2'
Eyes, Snipplt; 1 call him Care
''Thats funny. why do you call him
that2' because he kills cats"
EMERALD Bridget read
ing silver wedding invitat1on)-F'An
faith, phat do r. S. V. P. mane2 Och
| I've struck it, Rale silver vastly prefer
| red The loikes of that. now-Zlsza
| SJtings.
THIS is found pasted up in a black
smiths shop in jackson: ''Notice-De
copartnership heretofore resisting be-
twixt me and Nose Skinner is hereby
resolved. Dem what owe de firm will
settle wild me, and dem what the firm
owe settle wild Nose"
TAuPIN, whom a tremendous bore
threatened to visit, relieved his mind in
this fashion: 'Listen to me-" he said to
HIM, ''and I'll tell you what to do when
you come, so that | shall be sure it isn't
a creditor. Take out your watch and
knock on the door sixty times, allowing
one minute between each knock"
A NEW YORK clergyman says there
will be degrees of punishment hereafter
that the man who sins the most will be
punished the most, and vice versa. Ac.
cording to this belief, the man who
sends long communication, written on
both sides, to newspaper for publica-
ton, won't get much vice versa In his.