Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-01-06
sxlNFliNJ.s SCHEME.

SKINFLiNT'S SCHEME.
4 jersey Hayseed who Had . MatFiao-
:nisl Head st Once Large and Level.
The other morning, just as the rising
sun made the frost on the grass twinkle
like crust of diamonds, and the cock
had succeeded in growing his throat
clear, old Uncle Skinflint aJersev hay
seed, called upon his son:
''Reuel, catch the bull-dog!'
Old Uncle Skinfiint looked proudly
at his son. as he vanished like an UNI
brella around the corner of the house.
In the course OF ten minutes he re-
turned with q large bull-terrier with
wicked eyes and jaws that fairly famed.
Old Uncle Skinfint tied the dog 8
legs and called for the family pine
ers When they were brought, the
old farmer held the dogs head firmly
between his knees, and, in spite of his
bowling and writing. pulled every
tooth out of his head.
Then he set the dog free. and it was
funny to observe the expression of his
mouth as he jumped into the air to
grab the bone tossed to hum by kind
hearted Mrs. Skinfint
''Sned Skinfiint," observed the
farmers wife, when she noticed what
was the matter with the dog, and saw
her husband wiping the pincers on the
grass, II jest wanter know what you've
been a-doin'?''
'.Never you mind. Emmeline," he
replied. as he drew his entire arm
from the shoulder to the wrist across
his face; ''never you mind. Emmeline,
what l have been a-dOin', but l ken tell
you I amt went through sixty years
without a-knowin' what I'm about"
Then he called Reuel and said:
Fetch down the gun and axe"
His wife thong hit he was going to
chop in the woods. and was taking the
gun to be prepared for any edible bird
or animal that might happen along
But when he commenced to chop the
gun to pieces, her amazement was be-
yond description.
''Why, law sakes. Sned Skinflint, I
never seed such goings on afore; what
in the worlds the matter of you?''
'!Jeewhittaker, exclaimed Uncle
Skintiint, that gun amt worth cuss
now. I'll bet my buckwheat crop agin
a sour apple, Samanthy ill have y
better show now"
''Say, air you crazy. Sned Skinflint?"
inquired Mrs. Skinflint, holding her
hands in indescribable horror; lair you
gone stark mad crazy, Sned Skintlint?"
Emmeline Skinfiint!" exclaimed
Sned. without paying the slightest at
tcntion to the criticisms she had been
making so freely: 'Emmeline Skin
flint, do you know them cow-kide boots
that l was telling of you about last
night?''
'You mean them as you was a-sayin'
you was goin' to buy after pig-killin'.
Them very same, Emmeline."
She was obliged to respond in the
affirmative.
well. I amt ,a-goin' to buy EN-"
.'Rcuel," he shouted. after he had
made the above profound statement
''you go up and bring down them old
boots of mine"
When Reuel appeared with the boots.
old Uncle Skinflint held them by the
legs, laid the feet on the chopping-
block, and commenced hacking them
to pieces
'.Now. then, Samanthy win have a
better show"
What has Samanthy got to do with
this?" demanded Mrs Skinflint.
"Jest this much" replied Sned,
''every man about here 8 afeared tn
come and see Samanthy. They're
afcared of the dog, the gun and my
boots. Now I'm a-goin' to put up
notice in Lish Bishops store that I've
pulled out the dogs teeth, chopped up
my gun and boots, only wear rubbers.
md that keep the fire goin' all night.
Then, Emmeline, l want you to set out
cider an pumpkin-pies an cookies in
the parlor, and then Wen get Saman-
thy married"
And so old Sned Skinflint walked in
to breakfast. his wife smiled a smile
several sizes too large for her face. and
herself on possessing a
husband with matrimonial head at
once large, clear and levcl.-Puck.