Morning journal and courier., 1887-09-26
WORTHY.

Nip and Tuck-Husband (who is reading Shakeepeare)-" Of all men, Shakespeare cer- tainly possessed the greatest originality" Wife (reading the Bazar)-'sWould you put him ahead of Worth, my dear?"-Harper' E Bazar.
 The Rsv. Dr. Fulton wants to know what would have become of Martin Luther if he had become newspaper editor. He would have been success, for he was all expert at firing the inkstand at the devil.-Martha's Vineyard Herald.
 Customer (to waiter who has just filled his order)-"Did you say that was chop?' Waiter-"Yes, sir. Anything the matter with it, sir2' Customer-;' Nothing much. But say, when you are coming round this way again please bring the axe."-Life.
 ''And do you really love me George" she asked. "Love youI' repeated George, fer vently. "Why, while I was bidding you good bye on the porch last night, dear. the dog bit large chunk out of my leg and 1 never noticed it till I got home. Love you!"- Harper's Bazaar.
 Mistress of the house (to small colored aa52 z9HH knSGk S et wa Miss ns Small co1ureu hefp {pr1tcruatttrut srarity4- sNo, maam. Wat was de use of a-knock- ing at her do' wen I knowed sure she was in dar2"-Harper's Bazar.
 Nebraska farmer-'tLiye in Philadelphia, ehg" Philadelphia man-s'Yes; I am a street contractor there" "What do you have to doa" stMy duties are to keep the streets clean and free from obstruction" "I see. Say, mister, what moving machine do you consider the besta'-Omaha World.
 Wife-'I hear that the Rev. Mir. G. of New York. who has been spending few days here, will be asked to preach Mrs. B. 's funeral sermon tomorrow" Husband ''Oh, forgot to tell. The report of Mrs. B.'s death was premature. She is still aliven Wife-'fIs it possible2 And was so anxious to hear the Rev. MT. G."-Sun.
 A hack driver comes near running down an old woman, but by great exertion succeeds in clearing her and is congratulated on his skill by all observers ''It was close shave!" cries the Jehu ssI was scared, because she would have been the thirteenth that had run over this month and thirteen is always an unlucky number for me."-French Fun.
 G. Horn (from Wayback) )-"Say Stranger, can you tell me which keer to take to go to the Metropolitan Museum of Arta" Mr. Isaacs (dealer in general merchandise)- )-"My tear sir, you vas shust in time. Der Metro politan Museum of Art was sold oud by der sheriff last week und bought der collection at cost brice. Walk right in."-Texas Sift- ings.
 ''Since my husband was mixed up in that divorce case," said Mrs. Cantwell, ''he has made more money by his literary work than his ministerial fees amount to-" ''Indeedl" exclaimed Mrs Cobwigger, 'what kind of literary work does he do, may I aska" ssWhy," replied the good mans better half, Che writes those unsolicited testimonials for soaps and patent medicines. ."-Judge.
 No Wonder He Fainted.-While Judge Cowing in the New York Court of General Sessions was giving his charge to the jury ln burglary case, one of the jurymen tainted. His honor had just said, impressively: "Gen- tlemen of the jury, in arriving at verdict, you must take the testimony of the witness ea for the defence into consideration and give them full weight" At the words "must give them full weight" the juryman swoon- ed away. He was coal dealer.-Te1as Siftinog