Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-03
NM. SND MkS. sowsEn.
flow Meek Mrs. b. Triumphed Over Her
Ambitious and Learned In..1


Ambitious and Learned Lore.
Il Mr.. Bowseris great man to ..break
, out in spots" The other evening, after
he had lighted cigar and got his feet
braced Oh the mantel, he suddenly OBJ
served:
MRS. Bowser, has it never occurred
| to you to call me Judge?''
! 'Never!' promptly replied. for he
: had complained of the biscuit at supper.
..Nor COlonel?"
J "No!'
"While ] could probably have gone
to the Supreme Bench, or been COM
missioned Colonel" he softly con-
tinued. II did not care for the honor.
I am not one, Mrs. Bowser, to clutch at
titles in order to lift myself up, but 1
didn't know but it might please you to
be known as Mrs. Judge Bowser."
II don't want the title
Every well. Mrs. Bowser. If You
have no care for social distinction I'm
sure l haven't. If your ambition is to
plank yourself in the house with that
wall-eyed baby and pay no attention to
the demands of society might as well
join another lodge"
l felt bit cOnscience-stricken over
the way l had acted. and after awhile ]
went out and told the cook to call him
Judge when she came in with the last
scuttle Of coal. When she came she
managed to bump him to give her an
excuse for saying: Excuse me, Con-
stable-eXcuse mel"
There was solemn silence for five
minutes after she left the room. Then
Mr.. Bowser observed:
perhaps, on the whole, Mrs. Bow
ser, it would be as well not to attempt
to call me by any title. Hired help is
SO stupid, You know"
On a late occasion. as our fireside was
a scene of peace and happiness, MI.
BOwser softly remarked:
''Mrs. BOwser, whenever it comes
handy you'd better throw out hints to
your lady friends that you were edu-
Gated abroad"
"Why?''
"Well, it will increase their respect
for YOU"
''But l was educated in the little red
school house at Perryville, you know,
and have never been out of the State"
'.Don't talk SO loud, as Jane may be
listening! l told friend only the
other day that was educated abroad,
and had been through all the art gal
leries of Europe
'What place did you say you studied
at?''
| Zanzibar"
''Why, my dear. that's in Africa!'
''It is! Now that shows what YOU
know! Zanzibar is in Germany. Mrs.
BOwser. don't want to crow over you
on the subject of education, but when
you display such lamentable ignorance
of geography have to feel glad that
my school days were not wasted"
Il say it's in Africa"'
''Mrs. Bowser!'
''And I'll prove it by my atlasr'
'If you do I'll give you fifty dollars
in cash!''
l got out the atlas, and there, over
on the east coast Of the Dark Continent
was Zanzibar, as every school-child
| knows.
'I'll take that fifty" Iquietly re-
marked.
'No, you won't! Some fool of map
maker has gone and got drunk and
mixed things up, and I'm not going tc
pay for it. When 1 kpow that Zanzi.
bar is in Germany know it Just as well
as the atlas or anybody else
''Did this friend of yours ask you
what old master you preferrcd?''
Eyes, ma am, and was posted there,
too You may think 1 60 sloshine
around with both eyes shut and my
tongue hanging out, Mrs. Bowser, but
that's where you are dead lame. l told
him Longfeller."
''Mr. Bowser!''
''What now! You don't spose ! |
said Sam Patch or Buffalo Bill, do
you?''
''But Longfellow was not painter at
all, he was 4 poet"
He drew in his breath until his face
was rs red as Il beet, and he jumped up
and down and fourished his arms like |
windmill, and finally got voice to
roar out:
''Tll bet you nine hundred thousand
million quadrillion dollars to that old
back comb in your hair! Mrs. Bowser.
such assumption and assurance ON your
part is unbearable!'
"Jane may hear YOU"
"Jane be hanged. and you, too! Mrs.
BOwser. demand an apology for this
INSULT"
"Wait till prove that Longfellow
was not an artist, but poet"
"rll give you million dollars if you
do it,
got down the volume of poems BY
LongfellOw which Mr.. Bowser had
given me year before. and then went
to the encyclopedia and made tight
case on him. He was at first inclined
to give in. but directly he struck the
i u !