Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-10-27


Life.
II aim to tell the truth" EYES,"
interrupted an acquaintance, 'tbut
you are very bad shot. - Chicago
Living Church.
The Journals ideal reckless man is
the one who does not take off his hat
when speaking to railway official
Lincoln Journal.
1t is a sweet, revengeful thought
that when walters sit down to eat they
have to be waited on by some of the
other walters. Washington Critic.
If Robert Garrett wants to repair
his shattered fortunes let him take the
place of one of his sleeping-car por-
tiers for few runs.-PittSburg Com
naerciaI Gazette.
Col Higginson has written a paper
on new kind of bonds-the "New
England Vagabonds. They are cou-
pom bonds-cut off from society.-Bur-
Hmgton Free Press.
The average woman thinks great
deal more about the condition of her
crimps than she does about the condi-
ton of her soul; and the average man
WOuluH ike uOE HILL SO well II she
didn't -SonaerttLle Journal.
''In the Mexican church choir no
woman is allowed to sing" says cor
respondent. There are a great many
church choirs in this country where
women don't sing. But unfortunately
they try.-Nea0 York Tribune.
The kind of a political party that
this country needs most is one en-
bracing plank which prohibits can
didates giving away cigars that cost
less than five cents each, or three for
dime.-Duluth Paragrapher.
Drawing-room car: First porter
Tin hurry another washout~
Second porter (excitedly)-"Where,
whereof First porter Gas he disap-
pears through the next car)-"On
the clothesline!"- BOston Herald
What does diploma meanp" is the
heading of an article in an exchange.
1t means that the boy has bled his
fathers pocketbook just about as long
as the old man will stand it. Some
times it means a good deal more
Bismarck Tribune.
Young Mr.. Waldo (to Miss Breezy
What soft, beautiful complexion
your friend Miss Wabash has, Miss
Breezy Miss Breezy-Yes. and don't
you think, Mr. Waldo, that it is even
more so on one side than it is on the
otherP-NeO York San.
The mind cure has already abol-
ished all disease. Nobody has any
disease; the trouble is simply they
think they have. Another society is
to be started to enable people to lift
themselves up by the straps of their
boots.-HarJord CoWrant.
Mrs. Minks-'sDces your boy show
any particular bent yet?" Mrs. Binks
Yes, indeed. He'll be a noted
scientist some day" .Do you really
think SOP" 80, there's no doubt of it
at all. He always uses the biggest
words he knows. "-Onaaha World
Inspector Byrnes tells about pro-
tecting Wall street from professional
criminals. What the community re-
quires is a rigorous law to protect
conf1ding public from the legalized
Wall street thieves. 1t is unjust to
hound bunko-man while they are at
large.-JeaOeIry NeaUs.
Nothing is more discouraging to an
average man than to read about the
weighty proceedings and learned dis
courses of the doctors at Washington,
and then reflect that all the physicians
he ever met have failed to make his
liver work rhythmically and smoothly.
-NebraSka State Journal.
''What is your favorite flower, Mr.
Hayseed?' asked Miss Lilybud. 1.-THE
tuber rows, marin, the tuber rows, {"
: said the good old man, for it was he,
$ shouldering his hoe and marching
down to the potato patch. This might
be considered pun de terrible. Ex-
cuse my French.-Burdette.
A Partisan paper is authority for the
statement that Prince Bismarck does
not care to act as mediator on the
Bulgarian question. 1t is probable
that Bismarck has been reading some
where about the fate which has be-
fallen certain base ball umpires in
this country.-Nea0 York World.
Here is the longest correct sentence
of ''thats" which we have yet seen:
81 assert that that, that that that,
that that that that person told me con-
tanned, implied, has been misunder-
stood" 1t is string of nine THAT'S"
which may be easily "parsed" by a
bright pupil.-Journal Of Education.
Miss Litewater Con the beach at
Long Branch)-Ah, Mr.. Kenyon, /
love the sea, and next to that L love
the free and boundless West. Do you
take any interest in the West, Mr..
Kewponp Kenyon Gust from Wall
street)-Only the usual rate. Ten per
cent in Dakota and Montana, and to
in the other Territories.-Harp
Bdzdr.
Catherine Owen has published a
book called s'Ten Dollars Enough"
She may think so now; but by the time
she gets all the jet trimming and stuff
for the overskirt she will find that
about SO more is necessary, not in
Guiding the dressmaker's bill. Ten
dollars is enough for the material, but
trimming and making cost like sixty.
-NOrristoaOas Herald
Omaha hotel man-"You are won-
L. u .