The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1887-11-05
How stoves Are Put Up.

This being the season of the year when
multitudes Of people are adjusting their
heating apparatus, preparing for cold wealth
er, some will recognise their own expert
ence in the following amusing description
from the american artisan Of the way it
is sometimes done:
In the first place, the man puts on an
old and very ragged coat. Then he puts
his hands inside the place where the pipe
ought to go, and blackens his fingers, and
then studiously makes black mark down
the side of his nose. Having got his nose
properly frescocd, the man grasps one side
of the bottom of the stove, and his wife
and the hired girl take hold of the other
side, and in this way the stove is started
from the woodshed to the parlor. In pass
ing through the door, the man carefully
swings his side of the stove around and
jams his thumb nail against the door post.
At last the stove is set down in the proper
place, and the man and his wife and the
hired girl set out in triangular search
after the stove legs. Two are finally
found inside the stove, where they have
remained since spring, and the two others
are found hidden under four tons of coal.
Then the old man holds up one side of the
stove, while his wife puts two Of the legs
in place; then he holds up the other side
while the other two are being adjusted,
and one of the first pair is displaced. The
trick of getting the four legs into their
proper place is practiced with varying and
Indifferent results for some ten minutes,
and by this time the man gets excited and
reckless, and throws off his coat, regardless
of the consequences.
Then the man goes for the stovepipe and
gets cinder in his eye. The stove was
nut up in first-class shape last year by the
stove man, but this year the pipe proved to
be little too long. So the man jams his
hat down over his eyes, takes piece of
pipe under each arm, and starts for the tin
Shop to have it fixed Then he comes
back, steps his muddy boots into one of
the best parlor chairs to see if the pipe will
fit. when his wife makes him come down.
In the act of defending he plants his foot
square down on the hollow of the cats back,
and comes within an ace Of trampling the
baby under foot. Then the man gets an
old chair from the kitchen and climbs up
to the chimney opening again, and makes
the startling discovery that in cutting off
the end of the pipe, the timer had made
the pipe too large to enter the hole in the
chimney. So the man goes into the back
ward and splits one side of the end of the
pipe with an old ak, and squeezes it be-
tween his hands until he makes it smaller.
Then the man gets the pipe into shape
only to find that the stove does not stand
true. Then the man and his wife and the
hired girl move the stove to the left, and
the legs fall out again. The legs are re-
placed and the stove moved to the right,
and there is another sednce with the legs.
Then the elbow is found not to be even
with the hole in the chimney, and the man
goes into the woodshed after some little
blocks Then the man and his wife and
the hired girl essay to put the blocks Under
the legs, and the pipe comes out OF the
chimney. The pipe is replaced in the
chimney hole, when the elbow commences
to topple over The mans wife is vislbly
agitated, and the man gets the dining Ia
bic out of the kitchen and balances an old
chair on it, and makes his wife held the
chair while he performs acrobatie feats on
the grand combine, in an effort to drive
some nails iato the ceiling, during which
performance the man drops the hammer
down upon his wife's devoted head, and
she surprises him with yell worthy the
emulation of Comanche Indian.
Finally the man completes the act Oh
driving the nail, constructs wire swing
to hold the elbow in position, hammers the
pipe a little on one side, and then a little
on the other, pulls one joint a little here
and pushes another length a little there,g gives
vocal expression to series of deprecatory
and mildly profane adjectiyes, takes long
breath, breathes deep drawn sigh of re-
lief, and proudly announces that the job is
finished