The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-05-12
WIT AND HUMOR.


Say, jim, do you carry pocket
piece?" Yes, most of the time"
''What is it, gold or silver?" Neither,
its pawn-ticket. - Detroit Free
Press.
The prospects of the United States
in war with any foreign Power are
not couleur de rose, unless some fori
culturist can secure a navy-blue
Jacqueminot.-Lte.
In this cold world true friends are
rare, sings a poetess. Yes, dear
poetess, that is why the men 90 out
between the acts SO much to look for
friends.-BaLtinlOre american.
Young woman (timidly to clerk)-I
would like to look at som, false hair,
please. Clerk (eXperienced) = Yes,
ma'am. What color does your friend
want? Sale efected.-Tid-Bits.
Hello, Jack, where are you going
with that basket?" ITO a trout brook,
if | can hear of one" Poor man,
and your wife begins housekeeping as
early as this. ."-Ne1O HaUen NeUS.
Physician examining rural editor
for life-lnsurance purposes)-Your cir
culation does not seem to be impaired?
Editor-No; we're printin' $50 copies
week now, agin only 600 year ago.
Puck.
Ball dresses commence soon enough.
They begin on the floor, yard away
from the woman, but they end in some
waist place before they have reached
fair shoulders to rest upon.-NelO Or
leans Picayune.
Dude (meeting his tailor where he
couldn't escape him)-"Ah, Jones, old
boy, how dy' do? Beastly weather
this, Its so unsettled, don't you
know" Tailor "Ugh-yes- like
your bill. - Washington Critic.
Charley (to his pretty cousin)-Do
you know, Maud, / understand that
the beautiful girl with Thmith it'll bait
Indeed? What kind of a trap is it,
Charley-a mouse trap?-Net0 York
Sun.
whisky never hurt me-" said
Guzzle, I've been drinking it for ten
years and it never got me down yet;
it keeps me up" Yes, said the col
porteur, I've noticed that YOU always
get high whenever you drink it. -
Bardettc.
An advertisement in French news
paper: Fritz X, an experienced
accountant, desires place as cashier.
In the interest of the security of
patrons he would state that he is
| afflicted with two wooden legs. -
French Fun.
Tompkins-.'How are you? o, say,
| will pay you that bill the next time |
meet your Johnson-.'Youh have been
saying that for months. A little
change would suit me better" Tomp-
kins-"O. well, I'll try not to meet
you any more. life.
a household journal which slings
''home hints" around promiscuously
says that 1.-The yellow tint of flannel
Will disappear if it is left out doors on
a cold night" Perhaps so. In some
localities the flannel will also disap-
pear.-NOrrjStolCR Herald.
Young LADY, am convinced that
Algcrnon loves me. Mamma-Don't
be too sure OF it, dear. What makes
you think sop Il have noticed that
lately he keeps his eyes constantly
fixed on the parlor motto, God Bless
Our Home. '-PtttSbUrg Dispatch.
A Popular Science Monthly writer
says that monkeys have conversations.
We have not the slightest doubt of it.
Their ordinary chatter is about as in
telligent and as Ineligible as a great
deal that we hear from their human
brothers and sisters.-BoStoR Post.
Coal Dealer-Where's John? Driver
He staid up to Mr.. Browns. Coal
Dealer-Why on earth did he do thst?
Doesn't he know we're short-handedP
Driver suppose he does, sir, but he
said he was weighed in with his load,
and he had an idea he belonged to Mr..
Brown -Harper'S BazGr.
Grocer-So you haven't drank any
thing for a month, Uncle Rastus?
| Uncle Rastus-Oh, sab, not er drap.
Grocer-You deserve credit. Uncle
Rastus-Yes, sab. Cud yo' trus' me
to er ham till day after tomorrer at
qua'ter pass foh? Grocer-No, | never
| give credit.-Ne10 York san.
'Mr. Featherly," inquired Bobby,
Notwithstanding the injunction of his
father that little children should be
seen, not heard, ..have you got holes
in your feet?' Holes IN nv feetn'
exclaimed the astonished young man.
"1es; pa says you must have, or YOU
couldn't drink all the liquor you do"
-Ne10 York SIN.
The King of Sweden has written a
| drama in one act, which, it is believed
| Will do more to prevent the drinking
OF Intoxicating liquors than all the
performances of Ten Nights in a
Bar-room. Having only one act,
| scores of young men cannot run out
two or three times during the per-
| tormance to get a drink.-NorriSt0Un
Herald.
Old lady Ito street urchin)-
| ''W ouldnt you like to be good little
boy and 90 to Sunday-school and be
| taught not to swear or say wicked
things?' Little boy-'.No'm. Me
ladders goin' to git me a job on de
canal to drive mules soon's naviga-
shun opens, an | mustn't do anythin'
to interfere wild de bizness." ."-Neao
York Sun.
81 didn't like your cake very well
tonight, remarked Dingley to his
landlady. MOP" queried she; what
was the matter with it?' s.It seemed
/ to me it was little short" l have
noticed the same failing in you, Mr..
Dingley," was the terse reply. And
Dingley borrowed enough from his
friends to pay something on account.
| lid Bits.
Nebraska Deacon (to minister)-
| There is considerable talk of putting
/ pennies in circulation, as many think
that we ought to have smaller coin
than a nickel. Minister-Is that the
| sense of the business community?
Deacon-I know very little about the
| business community, but it seems to
be the sense of the congregation
| NetU York Sun.
| Certain well-known localities in
| Lynchburg, Va, are known as Dog
| Alley" ''Buzzard Roost, Hog Yard =
and Horse Heaven " and now sop,a