Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1887-04-10

DAi wye mas lufn1Shed 1ho New Ork
World the following copy of a cable dispatch
just forwarded to the allied powers of En-
rope:
~ SLIPPERY ELMHURsT
-, HUDSON, Wis, Nov. 25.
10 the allied powers, care of Lord Sails
bury:
CONTAMINATION favor of recent date
regarding my acceptance Of the Bulgarian
throne, which is now vacant and for rent,
In which note you tender mo the use of said
throne for one year, with the privilege of
three, is at hand. You also state that the
allied powers are not favorable to Prince
Nicholas and that you would oil prefer a
dark horse. Looking over the entire list Of
obscure men, it would seem you nave
been unable to fix upon a man who has
made a better showing in this limo than I
have.
While thank you for this kind offer Of
throne that has, as you state, been newly
{ tted and refurnished throughout, must
GScline it for reasons which l viii try to
give in my own rough, unpublished way.
In the first place l read in the dispatches
to-day that Russia is modifying her troops,
and do not want anything to do with
country that viii treat its soldiers in that
way. Troops have certain rights as well
as those who have sought the pleasanter
walks of peace.
That is not all. / do not care to enter
into squabble in which I am not interested
Neither do / care to so to Bulgaria in the
capacity OF a carpetbag monarch, from the
ten cent counter wearing boiler iron
overcoat by day and stab proof corset at
night l have always been in favor of Bull
rrar &c #
vox populi, whichever you think would
lock the best in print.
: I hate TO see a monarch in hot water all
Sse time ard threatening to abdicate. Sup
posing he does abdicate, what good win that
do, when he leaves a widow with nothing
but second hand throne and crown two
sizes too small for his successor? l have
always said, and l still say, that nothing
can be more pitiful than the sight of
lovely queen, whose husband, in q wild
frenzy of remorse, has abdicated himself
Nothing, l repeat, can be sadder than this
picture Of deserted queen, left high and
dry, without means, for ed at last to go to
the pawnbrokers With a little plated, huted
crown with rabbit skin ear tabs on It'll
We are prone to believe that monarch
has nothing to do but issue n ukase or g
.mandamus and that he will then have oil
The funds be wants; but such is not the case
Lots OF our most successful monarchs arc
liable to be overtaken any year by a long,
cold winter and found as late as Christmas
reigning in their summer scepter.
l am inclined also to hesitate about ac-
cepting the Bulgarian throne for another
reason-I do not care to be deposed when
! want to be doing something else. / have
had my deposition taken several times and
it did not look like me either time
think that you monarchs ought to stand
by each other more. If you would form
society of free and independent monarchs
there in Europe, where you are SO plenty,
you could have a good time and every little
while You could raise your salaries if you
worked it right.
Now you pull and haul each other all the
time and keep yourselves in hot water day
and night. That's no way for a dynasty
any more than any one else. 1t impairs
your usefulness and fills our Geographic
columns full of names that we cannot pro-
nounce Every little while we have to pay
the operator at this end Of the cable $40 for
writing in a rapid, flowing hand that
meanwhile Russia will continue to disre-
gard the acts of the Sobranje"
Why should great country like Russia
go about trying to make trouble with a low
priced Sobranje? ] think that a closer al
lance of crowned heads, whose interests arc
identical, would certainly relieve the mono
tony Of many n long, tedious reign. If I
were to accept the throne of Bulgaria,
which is not likely, SO long as my good
right arm can still jerk a fluent crosscut
saw in the English tongue, I would form a
syndicate Of monarchs, with grips, pass-
words, explanations and signals; every
scepter would have a contralto whistle in
the butt end which could be used as a sign
of distress, while the other end could have
n cork in it, and then steering lettering
dynasty down through the dim vista Of
cr,mbling centuries would not be So irl1-
some as il now Is.
As it is now, three or four allied powers
ask a man to leave his business and squat
on cold, hard throne for a mere pittance,
and then just rs he begins TO let his whis-
kers grow and learns to dodge a big porce-
lain bomb those same allied powers jump
on top Of him AL spraddled out and ask him
for his deposition. That Is no way to treat
an amateur monarch who is trying to do
right.
You can see that unless You stand by each
other tie thrones of Europe will soon be
empty and every s. day hotel in America
will have an heir apparently to the throne
for head waiter, with a coronet put in on
his clothes with rubber stamp and loaded
scepter up his sleeve
II you want to rear your children to love
and respect the monarchy industry you
must afford them better protection. I say
this as man who may not live to be over
100 years of age, and with my feet thus set
ting into the DOGGY shores of time let me
beg OF you, monarchs AMI monarcheSses,
to make your calling an honorable one.
Teach your children and their children to
respect the business by which their parents
carried their bread. Show them that it is
honorable to empire a country IL they do it
right Teach them that to do right Is better
than to fraudulently turn a jack from the
bottom OF the pack. Teach them that it Is
better to be popular straight out-and-out
partisan king who Is sincere about it than
to be a mpgwump monarch who darcs not
leave his throne night or day for fear that
somebody will put q number OF bombs
under it or criticise him in the papers.
would like to empire Bulgaria this win
ter first rate If could get back in time to
remove the counterpane from my aspara-
gus bed, bu. it would hardly pay ME to do
&c. If Nicholas will do it, and DO it at
swing rates, would tell him to go ahead.
If you furnish reigning tools and palace
he ought to do it at 81 200 year, or say
81 500 and find himself. Yours sincerely,
Bill Nye.
1,500-Collec:.