The Universalist. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1884-1897, 1887-07-16
MY LAST DONATION.
BY REV. URIAH XERXEs BUTTLEs, D.

BY REV. URIAH XERXEs BUTTLEs, D. D
"They's goin' ter be sight back OF
the salry this year," said Deacon
Screwys one morning last winter, when
he had come in to warm his feet. moneys
awful tight, en- everythin' hez ris clean
out Nv sight. Produce is a-fetchln'
good prices-that is, middlin'-but gro
ceries an dry goods air hummin', an
pay out Jest about's fast as I take in,
Me an Deacon Bullhead was a-6gurin'
on the back sal'ry the other day, and we
think the best thing ter do is ter hev q
donation. Outsiders air allurs offish
bout giving reg'ler; but we've got con-
sid'able out Nv 'em at donations, fust an
last"
"But, Deacon" demonstrated, II don't
approve of donations, and I don't want
one"
oval, what will ye hev?" burst out
the Deacon angrily. "Here we be OWN
ye a sight Nv back sal'ry, an we can't
raise it without tug. Fur my part,
don't think it's very 'cumin' Nv ye to
stan in the way Nv the cause Nv Zion'f
movin' forrards. Nobody need know
'cept the trustees tibet it's goin' ter ply
on the sapry. It can be like reg'ler
donation, and it'll be an casion,
mean social OCCASION, an give new
families in the church chance to git
'quainted. It's been an awful spell seuce
we've he'd such an OCCASION, an we orter
hev one anyways"
1t was decided at the next meeting of
the Board of Trustees that the church
should give me donation, and the
amount donated should be credited on
my salary, though the second clause Of
the resolution was to be kept a profound
secret. As our Westinghouse parlor5
had Just been refurnished, and it takes a
large amount of coal to properly warm
them, it was decided to hold the said do
nation at my house. Our parlor and sit
ting-room carpets were well-worn in
grains, which we have had many years;
and the few other rooms which were not
bare floors are covered by rag carpets,
manufactured by my wife. Straw mat
ting was at this time laid III the front
hall, and the stairs were covered with crash
towelling. In the parlor we have we'll
worn sofa and six spindle-legged chairs
IN % Id 1pt h
euumerating, as most of it is home made.
When I told Mrs. 'Buttles what was
threatened, she was very much excited.
"Don't let them come, Uriah," she cried.
.Tm not able to clean house, and they'll
talk about me if I dont't, And you can't
imagine what it will be to straighten up
after them" I was very much tumbled
up and down in my mind, as John Bun
yam would say, for my frail and weary
wife does all the drudgery for family
OF eight; but dared not interfere, and
the OCCASION" came off.
It was to last from three o'clock in the
afternoon till nine in the evening. My
wife and L were to remain in the parlor
and entertain the friends, the committee
said. Deacon Bullhead would sit up,
stairs in my study and take the money,
and committee Of sisters would receive
the provisions ins the kitchen and get sup
per.
The first family to arrive were the
Bullheads.:s 1t was rainy day and very
muddy, Fand' the Deacon came slowly
putting upgthe. steps and set his dripp-
ing umbrellas in the corner of the hall to
drain.
my sakesp' cried good Nancy Falls,
who was~Sin attendance at the door.
you've done it Look at that wall! an
that mattingl An you amt goin' ter
leave them rubbers on, be yep
Now the Deacon. is a large man, and his
understanding, like that of the everlast-
ing hills, is both long and broad. Ger
tainly he. does not wear less than No.
los. oval, I'd take 'em off Of 1 was
T. hum" he pulled; "but it's dreadful
hard fur me to.git 'em on, I'm SO feshy;
an I'm goin' ter. leave EN- on, seem it's
here, and after walking all over the low
er part of the.house; he finally went up
stairs, leaving chunks of red clay on
every step, to Nancy's irrepressible dis
gust.
The Deacon brought me keg of Gu
cumbers in salt, six pounds Of dried ap-
pies, a bushel of beets, shoulder of
pork, and battered copy of Pollock's
"Course of Time" His wife brought a
basket OF cake and biscuit for the supper
which was to be furnished to the COM
pany. have no delicacy in mentioning
these things, for with the exception of
the book, they were articles the Deacon
had elected to give me instead OF the
money due on my last years salary.
Senator and Mrs. Bredawl came next.
and Mrs. Bradawl brought a shawl knit