Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1887-04-06
MIR. AND MRS. BOWSER.
By Mrs. BoWsER.

By Mrs. BowsER.
may have heretofore mentioned the fact
that Mr.sBowser and do not agree as to
how baby should be brought up I think
he is very unreasonable father in various
instances. He came home one day when
baby was only months old and found
him crying.
''Mrs. Bowser, that baby's got corns!"
exclaimed Mr.. Bowser, as he hung up his
hat.
s.Corns?"
'eYes, corns! You act as if you never
heard of Germs. Put him down while
examine his feet"
''The idea! Who ever heard of baby 8
months old having corns?"
There's good deal in this world you
never heard of, Mrs. Bowser. Put the
young 'un down." e.
He examined the baby s feet, pulled his
toes apart, and of course he didn't find any
corns. I knew he wouldn't.
s'Then what is he bawling about?" he
persisted.
"Babies always cry more or less"
''They do, eh? Well, if this one doesn't
cry less I'll find some way to make him {!
I shall hold him responsible from this day
out"
Our baby had had the hives, as every
other baby has. MIR. Bewser came home
and found me holding the child and mother
preparing some warm drink. There were
the bletches and pimples, but baby wasn't
even fretting.
"What's the matter off that young monkey
now?" demanded MIR. Bowser as he caught
sight of the pimples.
SONY the hives nv dear.''
'Only! Have you had the DOCTOR"
why, no. There's no need of a doc
tor"
"Isn't there! Mrs. Bowser, that may be
hives, and it may be smallpox! 1t locks
more like the latter disease to me. If that
young 'un has gone and brought the small
pox into this house warn him to look out
for himself Pm loving husband and a
fond father and all that, but propose to
draw line with my children. I shall
draw it at small pox."
''Mr. Bowser," said my mother, 'you
should not get unduly excited. This is
only a case of the hives. This child has
yet to go through with measles, chicken
poz, whooping- cough and several other
kindred diseases Or ailments"
"He has eh! He proposes to keep this
house upset fer the next eight or ten years,
does her? Never! I'll lug him out this very
night and leave him on somebody's door.
stepp'
Baby was months old before Mr.. Bow.
ser suddenly discovered enc morning that
he was bald-headed. He was holding the
child at the time, and he rolled him into
the crib and called to me from the foot Of
The stairs:
'tMrs. Bowser, for heavens sake come
down here as fast as you can!''
"What is it9'' I asked as l hurried
down.
"Why, this internal young un's bald
headedF'
sis that alp Why, I thought you had
dropped himp'
"Is that ALP Isn't that enough. HI
might as well die at once. Think of the
ridicule that will be heaped upon nay chile
from the very hour he is able to toddle to
the doorl Grown people will take him for
some old man who was sawed off for
dwarf, and children will yell: Bald headed
Bowser! at him. Imagine our feelings a;
we hear the street gamins shout: 'OlG
Bowser, where's your bad-headp And i
has com e to this.''
s'Give the baby chance, my DEAR"
"Chance! Chance! Haven't I given hin
every possible show snce he was bern?-
Hasn't he been the direct and only cause
of my losing fifteen pounds weight in feul
monthsl''
.'But his hair will come cut Hell
have good head of hair when he's year
old.''
''Oh, he will! Yes, if he knows what.
good for him he will! He's my child. o
course, and of course I've got the feelings
Of father, but sooner than have him grow
up bald-head, I'd abandon and disowI
him!'
One day soon after that found baby'l
scalp red and irritated, and the cook in
formed me that she saw Mr. Bowser fussipl
around the crib. called him in from The
back yard and charged him with sinister
designs, and / knew from his guilty man
ner that he had been trying some of th,
nostrums warranted to make the hair grow
On another occasion, when l was giving
baby bath, MIR. Bowser happened in, anc
it wasn't minute before Mr.. Bowser had
made up his mind that the child's feet were
too large.
Nonsense, Mr.. Bowserl His feet are al
right. See how chubby and healthy they
are"
eyes, and gaze upon their size! tel
you, he was cut out for gaint! In two
years my boots won't fit himp'
ePshawr'
you may pshaw all you will, but he'l
going to be monstrosity 1t won't be
five years before you Il see an advertise
ment in the papers reading:
"GREATEST WONDER
''oF THE NINETEENTH CENTURY!
big Footed Bowser, son of Old Man an(
Old Woman BOwser. of Detroit.
"Biggest Hoofs of any Human Being il
this World!
seNo 01,S dop,t oo,,o ~r;+t,;r q, NE:y. r. MI
ting him!
1tFat, Happy and 10c pays the Bill!
Eyes, that's what you'll see, Mrs. Bow
ser, and you'll grin and tickle over it anc
dead head your way in every afternoon.
won't! The disgrace will have put me un
der the sod. Wash away, Mrs. Bowser,
but don't you dare to let that young 'un
know Pm the slightest relation to him-not
the slightest
Many of the prominent railroad owners
Ina IL