The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1887-05-26
WIT AND HuMOR.
Every thief would like to keep him.
alf r1ncnottod Torna Ciffi1ns

y
self spotted.-Teras SJtings.
1t must be discouraging to the fool )
killer to realize how far behind in his
work he is getting.-LJe.
The cockroach is always wrong when
it attempts to argue with chicken
Hartford Sunday Journal.
The buckwheat cake when crushed
and battered is sure to rise again
Hartford Sunday Journal.
England may be mistress of the
C's," but she has never yet been able to
master the H's.-Bostofs Gazette.
keep faith with your children.
Certainly. If you promise them
licking give it to 'em.-Terds Stftings.
Snaggs, L. S.-Do you waltz, Miss
BicepsP Miss Biceps (stroke OF the
Vassar eight)-No, but I'll put on the
gloves with you for couple of rounds.
-Harvard Lameoon.
Medium-Whom do you wish to see,
madam Madam-My husband he was
alters asking people in this world, us
1t hot enough for youp" an now l want
10 put the same question to him--NeO
York San.
Reporter-What do you think of the
Interstate Commerce bills effect ON
the dramaP Tragedian-I don't know,
but / should think it would elevate 1t.
Tragedian-Yes, sir; knock it sky high.
-Ifd-Bits.
Merchant-..Beg pardon, but your
bill is 60 marks and you have given
me only So" Poet-.'But don't you
know that it is poets first principle
to leave something to the imagination
Fliegende Blatter.
THAT fellow calls himself soldier.
and he never smelt powder. said
Jones to- Smith. Never smelt pow
der, ehP mo, SIR" Il think you're
wrong. saw him kissing society
girl the other night. Boston Courier.
She gazing upward)-How bright
the stars are tonight, Mr.. Sampson?
He promptly They are not brighter,
Miss Clara, than-than-She (softly)
Than what, Mr.. Sampson? He
Than they were last night.-NeO York
Sun.
..Does position affect sleepp' some
one asks. really can't say, but the
young man who has lost his place be-
cause he was habitually late in tie
morning is convinced that too much
sleep effects position.-Joursat OF
Education.
The manuscript of Chinese poem of
the Confucian period has recently been
discovered in the interior of the
Flowery Kingdom and careful transla-
tion proves it to be without question
the original of beautiful snow
Hartford Journal.
He went yesterday afternoon to take
her to vespers. '.Ah," she said as she
greeted him, Il never knew you were
musical" Nor am l." he replied.
ssWhy, yes you are! Amt you a vesper
himP" Then the concert began
Washington Critic.
Friend Ito Robinson)-Tve just
heard that Mrs. Robinson met with a
runaway accident this morning, but
iniuredP Robinson (cheerfully)-No-
her-Neso York Sun.
s.Why was eternity made, papap
asked Reginald. $50 that a cricket
match could be played clear through.
replied papa, who had lost three days
from the office in busy time watch
ing the first half of one inning played
half through.-Burdette.
De Garmo-..What does your sister
saw about me, BirtieP" Birtie-''She
said to-day that she didn't think you'd
ever set the river on fire" DE GarmC
-.swhat confidence she has in me! Oi
course she knows Pm too honorable to
do anything of that kind. '-Ifd-Bits.
..How strangely music affects me!
said venerable citizen the other day.
..Why, few evenings ago when my
daughter was playing soft. dreamy
waltz on the piano, stole up softly be.
hind her and" '.WellP" Pulled
away the stool. ."-Ne0 Haven News.
A little 4-year-old in New Yorl
created ripple by remarking to thu
teacher of the Sunday-schoOl class
sour dogs dead. I'll bet the angel!
were scared when they saw him com
ing up the walk. He's awful cross tt
stranger" Shoe and Leather Reporter
She-Where are you going Charlie
He-Going to the theatre. She-Ah
I understand. The ballet. But WHY
don't you go to the dog show instead
1 think you will like it ever so mucl
better. The dogs, you know have four
twice as many as the ballet-dancers.-
Boston Transcript.
Young mother-s.What do you thinl
6 the little darling, Mai. Bootsp'
Maj. ts-.sWell-er-isn'th he rather
smallp" Young mother (reproach
fully-"He is only 2 weeks old, yol
know Maj. Boots (hastily)-..Ye-e-es
I know. III meant small for hi
age."-Harper's Bazar.
Laura-.Papa, isn't my new dres
just too lovely for anythingP" Papa
-'Yes, dear. Was the goods very ex
pensive?" Laura-..Why no, papa
am delighted over the colors and thu
perfect fit. What makes you thinl
the material was expensiveP' Papa
because you bought so little of it. ~
Rarper's Bazar!
Tramp-"Get tired of walking
Well. yes, somewhat. I've just com'
you rideP" Tramp-..What! run tn,
risk of losing my life in sleeper
where they have a coal fire?
may not be worth much, but Pv,
got horror of travelling in style that
y."-1id-B Bits.
After the honeymoon: Two young
wives are talking of their husbands
''You can't imagine" said one, ''wha
a stupid blockhead Charles isl" '.Ano
Henry" calculated the other. .'Why
his head must be made of wood, OF
something harder, for plates and dishe.
break on it with as little difficulty al
the sea upon rock.-French Fan.
Janet" said her mother, .'youne
MIR. Piebiter comes to the house nov
very frequently, and often stays very
late; have you any reason to think hi.
intentions are seriousp" II shoulC
think So" she replied; '.he says he ha.
no conversational powers and so h,
wants to sing all the time, and h,
knows nothing but church music
SeriousP should groan."- ."-Burdette
81 understand, Lijah," said tn,
minister, ''that many of you coloret
people have queer ideas of Heaven
Now, take yourself, for instance; dc
you believe in the orthodox theory tha
Heaven is place of pearly gates anC
golden streetsP" mo, sab I don't,
was the emphatic reply. "Dat. scrip
ton am too promiskiss to be true
Hohhon soh on1 r,1ooo urbaar Il