The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-09-29
9lashes Of Gnn.

o.
40 O / have four. sisters!'
A Chicago minister preached last Sun
dav on "What can | do to be saved ?"
# would seem that about the first move
would be to get out Of Chicago.-Pret-
zeTs National Weekly.
Citizen Ito baseball manager)-How is
the third baseman's hand getting on?
Manager (hopefully)-Nicely. He
thinks by the end of the week he will be
able to draw his salary.-7Ed-BH
"What are you doing now, Thomas p
asked the minister, patronizingly. Il
am a writer for the press" said the lad
proudly. "Indeed, you are quite young
for that. What do you writer II
direct wrappers" -'" e.
Nervous old lady on the fifth floor of
hotel--"Do you know what precautions
the proprietor of this hotel has taken
against fire p" Porter-"Yes, mum, he
has the house inshoored for twice wot it's
worth."-BaHimore Every Saturday.
The Indian chief Colorow, who is on
the warpath, has six wives. A reward
has been offered for his head, but the gov
eminent contemplates a more narrowing
punishment. When he is captured he
will be returned to his wives.-Norris-
torn Herald.
"Haven't you missed the theatres this
summer ?" said one bald-headed man to
another. "I know you are a great adj
mirer of the ballet eyes, [ did miss
them until a happy thought struck me-"
What was that?" 81 went down to
the seashore and took in the bathing
beaches.- Washington Critic.
First Omaha Dame-What a handsome
couple!
Second Omaha Dame-Yes, they are
strangers and are stopping at the st.
Blank hotel.
Both have such happy faces. | don't
trouble is"
No, they are only engaged yeti
Omaha World:
Else very sorry, boss, dat I was led
astray ter take de watch" said Jim Web
ster to an Austin Justice
"I am glad to see hat you regret your
crime. What was it that led you to take
the watch" replied his honor, calmly.
II was deluded by de chain, sab, [
bleeved it was a solid gold chain, and dat
dar was a gold watch hanging at de end
of it. De chain deluded me, sab, inter
taking de watch. De brass chain am de
cause oh all desc heah complercashuns."
Tires Stftngs.
Philanthropist to rich coal dealer
Good morning, sir. [ want your aid for
a very deserving charity.
Coal dealer-Certainly, certainly; any
thing I can do. The poor must be looked
after. Here, put me down for $40.
neutrality-suspicious., thanks; good
morning.
Coal dealer Ito his clerk)-Say, John,
put a quarter Of a dollar more a ton on
the next lot you send to the orphan asy-
lum. We must equalize things some
where.-Clerelond Sun.
The occupant of an Office on Larned
street went out the other afternoon, leav-
ing a boy in charge, and pretty o o a
stranger called and asked;
as Mr.. Blank in?'
"No, sir"
"Be in soon?'
IL don't know"
"Gone out of town."
Il dunno. You want to see him per-
sonally?"
Yes. How long has he been out?'
"Quite a spell. Cant you come in to-
morrow Z"
mo; must see him to-day .
The boy got up and walked around for
two or three minutes, breathing as if can
siderably excited, and then observed:
"Say, mister, if you've got a case for
Mr.. Blank he ought to know it; if you've
got a bill he won't pay it. I'll take the
chances and ask what you want to see
him for?"
ITO collect a debt of ST."
"Humph! I took the chances and lost.
He won't be home for a week."-De-
trOit Free Press.
Fond Father-Talk of college not fitting
a young man for earning a living. Just
as soon as Johnny graduated he obtained
a splendid position.
Friend-What was it?
Fond Father-First base.
clarence. dear, do you love me!'
said a spoony girl in a soft, wooing tone,
that sounded like the musical signing OF
Of the wind in the trees.
"Of course l do, my ownest one" re-
piled he r~eproachfully.
"With your whole heart? ?" she con-
tlnued, as she wound her alabaster arms
around his neck and toyed with the rear
OF his 25-cent aecktie. -.
with my whole heart and soul, darl-
ing" .
well then, dearest dear and my own
sweetest sweet please cut off your mus