The Monitor. [volume] (Woodstown, N.J.) 1884-1892, 1887-07-08
MAXIM AN EDIroR OFTEN @, HIM.


Good mornin', sir. MI. Printer; how is yon1
body to-day?
I'm glad you're To homo, for you fellcIs is
al'aysa runnin' away.
Your paper last week wa'n' so spicy nor sharr
us the one week before;
But / s'posc when the campaign is opened,
youn be whoopin' it up to 'em more.
That fcllcr that's printin' 1he SINISTER is goin
for yon perry smart;
And our folks said this mornin' at breakfast,
they thought he was gcttin' the start.
But | hushed 'cm right up in a minnie, and
said a good word for you;
| told 'em l b1icved you was tryin' 10 do just
rs well as You knew:
Aud | old 'em that some one was sayin', and
whocver'twas il Is so,
That you can't expect much of no one man,
nor blame him for what he don't know.
iint, layin' aside pleasure for business, W
brought you my little boy Jim:
And | thought ! would see if you couldn't
make an editor outcn o. him.
"My family stool. is incrcasin', while other
folks seem To run short.
I've got II right smart of u ~family-it's one OF
The old fashioned sort;
There's Iclabod, Isaac and Israel, a workin'
away on the farm,
They do bout rs much as one good boy, and
make things go on like II charm.
There's Moses and Aaron are sly ones. and
slip like a couple of cells;
IN thcy're toiable steady in one thing-they
alays gil round 10 their meals.
There's Peter, is busy invcntin' Though h
he inyents / can't sce),
And Joseph is studyin' mcdicine-and both OF
'em boardin' with me.
There's Abram and Albert is married, each
workin' my farm for himself,
And sam smashed his nose ri a shoo.in', and
SO he is laid on the shelf.
The rest ofthe boys are all CROWN 'cept this
little runt, which Is Jim,
And / thought that perhaps III be maxim N
editor onten o him.
Gle ain't no great shakes for to labor, though
I've Iaborcd with him a good deal,
And give him some strappin' good arguments
know he couldn't help but TO feel;
But he's built ont of second growth timber,
and nothin' about him is big,
EXceptin' his appetite only, and there he's as
good rs Il pig.
/ keep him carlyin' Iuncheons, and Min and
bringin' the jugs,
Aud take him among the rertatoes, and set
him to pickin' the bugs:
And then there's things To he dom a helpin'
the women indoors;
There's churnin' and washin' Of dishes, ana
other descriptions of chores;
But he don't take 10 nothin' but y%ietnals, and
hen never be much, I'm afraid,
So 1 thought it would be 4 good notion to learn
him the editors trade.
Ills body's too small for Il farmer. his JUG
ment is rather too slim,
But | thought we perhaps could be maxim an
editor outen o. him.
at amt much to get up Il paper, il wouldn't
take him long for to learn:
He could feed The machine, I'm thinkin', with
a good %struppin' fellow to turn.
And things that was once hard in dom is easy
enough now to do;
just keep your eye on your machinery, and
crack your arrangements right through.
| used for to wonder ut readin', and where 1T
was got up, ana how;
Bnt lis most of it made by machinerv-i can
see 1t all plain enough now.
And poetry, too, is constructed by machines
of different designs,
Each one with II gauge and n chopper, 10 see
TO the length of the lines;
And hear II New York e%Iairvoyait is runnin'
one slecker than grease,
And a-renfin' her h~eaven-born productions at
couple of dollars apiece;
An since the whole trade has growed easy,
'twould he easy enough, I've a whim,
If you was agreed, to be maxim an editor
outcn o. him "
The editor sat in his sanctum and looked the
old man in the eye,
VbnO s.Innpa1 af tbp 0Tinniup VOuup bOpPtul,
and mournfully made his reply:
ais your son a small unbound edition of Moses
and solomon both?
Can he compass his spirit With meckness, and
stranglc II natural oath?
Can he leave all his wrongs To the future, and
carry his heart in his cheek?
Car he do on hours work in II minute, and
live on a sixpence a week?
Can he courteously talk to an equal, and brow
beat an impudent Ounce?
Can he keep things in appie-pie order, ana do
halfa-dozen at once?
"Can he press all the springs of knowledge
with quick and reliable touch,
And be surc that he knows how much 10 know,
end knows how to NOT know too much?
Does he know how TO spur up his virtue, and
put a ehcck-rcin on his pride?
Can he carry Il gentleman hi'tt'neiS Ni'hih u
rhinoceros' hide?
Can he know all, and do all, and be all, with
chcerfulness, courage and VIM
Ifso, we perhaps can he maxim IN. editor
onten % him.'"
The farmer stood curiously listening, while
wonder his yisage o'erspread,
And he said: "Jim, L guess Wen be Goin'; he's
probably ont of his head"
UfU u. Carleton.