Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1887-04-08
ITO be continued
The Drummer.
San Francisco Chronicle


All Investigations by archaologists into
the various races and their history break
OF an mex plicable influence that seems to
connect widely different places, periods
and peoples. They find old jars in use in
India that the mound builders had here,
and they come across iron teaspoons in
the primeval forest beds of coal. They
are astonished to find the gridiron of the
north of Ireland figuring in the social life
of China three or four Thousand years
ago. The Bedouin Arab has the army
blanket of the Esquimaux, and in the
ruins of Pompeii they came across peanut
shells like what the sweeper sweeps out of
the gallery of the theatre to-day. Well,
why is this? Archaologists cannot tell.
l can. The mysterious ubiquitous intlu
ence that leaves no track save the article
is simply the drummer. 1t was the drum
mer. 1t was the drummer who did 1t all.
He left those curious Grecian scrolls in
Egypt; he carved those hieroglyphics on
the rocks of ancient Britain; he is the
man who introduced French candy into
Herculaneum and stuck the mound build
ers with iron teaspoons.
Do you ever know what becomes of a
drummer? Not that you care, but have
you ever seen a dead drummer? [ don't
believe drummers die. believe that they
simply talk themselves into gas. Gas
thou art, to gas returnest," was written
of drummer. / have met one or two
men who have been drummers, but they
| do not talk much about 1t. When
! drummer gets tired of talking he ust
| disappears. | do not see how this COUP
| try survives the existence of Grummers.
Yos go into a small country place; you
| step into the hotel; you find in the office
| sixteen coats hanging up on the wall and
| sixteen valises in a row on the floor, and
| sixteen men sitting with their thirty-two
feet up on the stove, telling sixteen lies
| about their adventures, all at one time
| You can't get what you want In that town.
| The drummers have made the store keep
ers buy what they have to sell, and ou've
| got to take it or go without. It seems
almost i'm possible that a drummer should
| ever be able to disguise his identity. He
| is, as a rule, aggressive and runs things.
If you see man come Into the Office of
hotel and step up timidly to the counter
and ask the clerk if there are any letters
| for him, please, you may know that he's
humble private citizen and plain
guest. If you see a fellow bang open the
| door, stride in and leave it open behind
him, go and hang his coat on peg and
jam HIS vaIise on the floor, walk behind
the counter, take out all the letters and
read the addresses from every box, open
| the drawer and look in, then you'll know
it's a drummer-good for one nights
lodging and several drinks. He generally
lets everybody know that he's sold alot of
stuff, and he talks very loud about the fun
he's had sometimes. But they told me of
one drummer who called himself count,
and wore a long fur lined ulster and an
imposing foreign looking mustache. He
came in the summer season and stayed
long time. He was the rage; the girls fell
in love with him; the mammas admired
him; he was on the eve of gettin engaged
to naughty San Francisco belle, when
| lady walked into a drug store one day and
found him with a lot of samples of soap,
trying to stick the proprietor with his
stock. That let him out and he disap
peared. But the profession disowned him,
for as rule the drummer is a straight
forward, open, honest and enthusiastic
nuisance.