Sturgis advertiser. (Sturgis, Dakota [S.D.]) 1887-1???, 1887-11-23
WIT AND HIJMOR.

body else in his own mold. Baltimore
american.
We don't want to disparage that
II fruit called aAmerican statesman,
but good deal Of it Is picked before
it's ripe. Puck.
When the millennium comes along
Wall street brokers will be found
working it for stock movement.
Baltimore american.
The ehinch bug eats the farmers
grain. the bee moth spells his honey,
the bed bug fills him full Of pain, the
humbug scoops his money. Fla0oasia
Ieg.) Argus.
A milk trust company has been
organized in Chicago. to include all
the milk producers. The distrust COM
pany will include the consumers, as
formerly. San Francisco Post.
An Omaha real estate man was at
tackled by three footpads the other
night. He killed one and forced the
other two to buy thirty days option
on town lots. Peoria Transcript
Caller Were You about to 60 out,
Mrs. Pcrkinsp Mrs. Perkins Y es,
but don't let that hurry YOU away.
CallerO, it ism of the slightest con-
sequence. I'll leave my card. It'd
u Bits.
Mostof our emigrants could come
in free of duty as raw material for
building political parties. The fellow
that knows something is what the
politicians don't want. Dulsstb Para
graDher.
A 1t is thought at Newport that if the
Duke of Marlborough isn't admitted
to the celestial mansions they will be
SO plebeian that it won't be worth
while for anybody else to occupy them.
Judge.
Yes" said a convalescent and
classic patient, s.eYen the Greeks suf-
fered with the i'll Lad Possibly
remarked the doctor, s.as your COM
plant was rather odd-I-see. "--Dututh
Photographer.
An exchange speaks of sthe ideal
grulnbler.o He is not likely to be-
come as popular as the ideal "growl-
err The latter, we've been told holds
about a quart. The ideal grumbler
may hold more.-Norristow Herald.
Young Mr.. Sissy Ito his pretty
cousin) Jaw, / tell my barber, you
know, never to shave up, always to
shave down" Pretty cousin-s.I fail
to see how he could shave anything
else but down, Charley. "-Neao York
San.
The novel-writers are fond of quot
ing the determination of their heroine
to sell her life as dearly as possible.
They probably would have us to UNI
derstand that she intends to marry
an old man for his money! Boston,
Transcript.
We observe by the fashion maya
zines that the fall styles of hats for
/ ladies will be two stories high with a
cupola and sombrero brim. The
hats will be especially noticeable at
churches and theaters. Nothing else
will. - Minneapolis Tribune.
Quite slice of the surplus might be
used in buying new fall bonnets for
all the ladies of every Territory adj
mitted to the Union. The children of
mothers coming into the Unieei in
new bonnet would always be loyal
Louisville Courier-Joat7asGt.
luCIC iS lIOUDiG III tilt Ot. LOUIS
gas works because the company is try
ing to dock the men who are laid off
when the moon shines in lieu of the
gas lamps. The logical remedy for
this outrage would be to boycott the
moon.-Ncso Orleans Picayuae.
Husband Getting ready for the
opera? Wife Yes, dear. H.-Dye
know why a woman getting ready for
the opera reminds me of an unplucked
.fowlp W.-Not knowing, can't say.
H.-Because she has to be undressed
to be dressed. -Boston Courier.
The New Hampshire lawmakers,
like those in Massachusetts, refused to
give municipal suffrage to women, but
they also have just taken good care to
protect milk cans. Reason why:
The owners of milk cans have votes;
women have none.-Boston WonGn's
Journal.
The evidences of divine adjust
ment of terrestrial affairs steadily ac-
cumulate. The harmonious order of
things challenges the atheists atten-
ton. just now we observe at the
close of the summer vacation come
the autumn leayes.--Dututh Para
grapher.
Say, Watson said Bagley, "you
know jerks. What sort of a fellow
is hep He has owed me bill for over
year. Is he honestp" Eyes" said
Watson slowly; ..Jenks is honest;
& there's no doubt about that; but it takes
him long time to find it out. Jour
nal of Education.
Gotham doctor Well, Mr.. Sharp,
how do you feel this morningp Jake
Sharp-Worse. much worse. "The
court has ordered a stay of proceed
ings." .Ehp Say, sneak in pair OF
Indian clubs, won't youp | want to
stretch myself. =" Omaha World.
Some Lincoln gentlemen have dis
agreed as to the relative merits OF
their babies, and will submit the mat
ter to arbitration. The umpire of a
base ball game will begin to think that
he leads secure and peaceful life
when he sees the referee of this baby
show lodging the parents whose babies
get left. ~ lincoln Journal.
A contemporary asks: "Did it ever
occur to anybody that if the women of
this country should march en- masse to
the polls to vote no power on earth
could stop themp" Turn COW loose
\ near those polls and the enfranchised
a "a T..