The Opelousas courier., 1887-01-15
BILL NYE'S BOYHOOD.
Wf.J the Homorist Does Not
Yearn To Be a Boy Again.
An Early Experience Which CAST a Gloom
Over His Whole Life.

Bill Nye, the western humorist, thus
| unburdens himself in the columns of the
New York World.
were a boy again endowed with
the same wild passion for plucking
| w~atermelons in the dark of the moon, ]
| would no doubt fall a victim to that
overmastering passion al I did before,
but looking at it as I do now, I would
be wiser. Boys, cannot, however, have
the mature judgment of manhood with
out the experience and the rheumatism
that 60 with it. So it is better that in
our childhood we may be able to eat a
raw turnip with safety, and know some
thing later on in life. notice a great
change in myself when comparing my
present Condition with that of joyous
boyhood. Then I had no sense, but ]
had Il good digestion. Now. I haven't
even the digestion. The hurrying years
have cavorted over my sunny head till
they have worn it smooth, but they
have left a good deal yet for me to learn.
lam still engaged in learning during the
days and putting arnica on my exper-
ence at night.
Childhood is said to be the most glad
some period in our lives and in some
respects this statement nsay be regarded
as reliable, but it is not all joy. / have
had just as much fun in later years as !
did in boyhood, though the people with
whom I have been thrown in contact
claim that their experience has been
different. Ihope they do not mean any
thing personal by that.
do sometimes wish that I could be 3
boy again, but I smother that wish on
account of my parents. What they need
most is rest and change>of scene. They
still enjoy children, but they would like
a chance to select the children with
whom they associate.
My parents were blessed with five
bright-eyed and beautiful little boys,
three of whom grew up and by that
means became adults. lam in that con-
dition myself. was the eldest of the
family with the exception of my parents.
] am still that way. My early life was
rather tempestuousin places, occasionally
fecked with sunshine, but more fire.
quently with retribution. I was enot a
very good roadster when young, and so
r%etribution was most always just in the
act of overtaking me. While outraged
justice was getting in its work on me,
the other boys escaped through a small
aperture in the fence.
That is another reason why / do not
yearn to be a boy again.
When we ran away from school to
catch clubs, and when we built a fire to
cook them and the fire got into the tall,
dry grass and burned four miles of fence
and sixteen tons of hay for a gentleman
for whom ! had a high regard, and l
went back to put out the fire, the other
boys escaped and have SO remained ever
since.
A just ~retribution has never had any
difficulty in overtaking me and walking
up and down over my wishbone.
When a party of us had been engaged
in gathering Easter eggs in the barn of
q gentleman who was away from home
at the time and he returned just as we
had filed our pockets with the choicest
vintage of his sun-kissed hens, the
other boys escaped while / was occupy
ing the attention of the dog, and / had
to slide out of the second story of the
barn. It is still fresh in my mind as I
write. / wore my fathers vest at
that time and twas larger than was
necessary. Ny father was larger than /
at that time, for | was only nine years of
age and had not arrived at my full stat
ure. Ii sliding down the batten I dis
covered that the upper end of it was
loose and that my flowing vest had
slipped over it, SO that when 7 got down
about four feet ! hung with the board
buttoned inside my bosom and the
scrambled eggs oozing out Of my knick-
erbockers.
The batten had sprung back against
the barn in such a way as to prevent my
unbuttoning my vest, and while / hung
there on the side of the barn like a
coon skin, the proprietor am around
and accused me Of prematurely gather
ing his eggs.
] had heard truth very highly spoken
Of by people who had dabbled in it more
or less, so ] resolved to try it in this
instance. So ] admitted that such was
the case, and it was the best thingI
could have done, for the man said as
had been so frank with him he would
take me down as soon as he got his other
work done, and he was as good as his
word. After he had MIXED nine cows
and fed nine calves he came around with
d ladder and took me down. He also
spanked me and set the dog on me, but
I did not mind that, for / was accus-
toned To il. To hang on the side Of 3
barn, however, like an autumn leaf, try
ing to kick large holes in the atmosphere,
is disagreeable.
This incident cast q gloom over my