davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02
TWO PHlLosOPHIc vAeABoNDs
Talk of Their Various Experiences IN
Some of the OUTLYING Professions.

-
Some of the Outlying Professions.
Two idle men sat On bench in City Hall
park. After getting in conversation they
soon began talking of other days.
Il guess we've done some queer jobs in Our
time" remarked one of the men, land as it
will help TO pass the time I'll tell you about a
peculiar position / once held. | was hard
pressed for money and went to work for an
up town florist who had devised a new
method OF drumming up trade. / didn't like
the job, but | soon found that a man will
often do disagreeable duties for another
which nothing could induce him to do for
himself. had to read the daily papers regu-
larry and take down the name and address Of
every family in which death had occurred.
Il then called upon the most likely ones,
presenting mourning card bearing the name
and business Of my employer, and solicited
orders for funeral designs. At first, owing to
n lack OF self assurance, | made but indf-
ferent success, but in the course of time | ac-
quired the studied solicitude of the accom-
plished undertaken and obtained an order at
nearly every house. 1t was soft snap while
it lasted, but the other florists soon caught on
and worked the thing TO death. At one house
where called | found dozen other cam
vassers ahead of me. My occupation was
gone.
I've been looking for a job all my life,"
went on the next, a vigorous little man with
snappish black eyes, because its as hard to
suit other people as 1t IS to suit TO ones self.
Talk about living on ones wits, why, / guess
I've held more jobs than any other man in
The country. It's often said that one half the
world don't know how the other half lives;
and no wonder-for in a city like this, made
up of all sorts and conditions of men, there
are opportunities of earning a livelihood III
the byways of trade undreamt of by sii0ex-
cept those Immediately concerned. Some
time ago got acquainted with the proprie-
tor Of a restaurant rhere l luuchod The
man told Inc he was being ruined by an OPP
position place few doors above, the owner
# which had set of electric bells constantly
ringing TO attract customers. | set my wits
20 work and got the man TO buy parrot,
which | hung up over the door. I then stood
IN front of tie entrance and shouted 'Hin as
each person passed. The thing was great
success, customers began TO pour in, and the
proprietor was kept busy answering questions
as 70 how lie had ever trained the bird But
Inc opposition man got on the racket and
hired an e1-pusilist to figure as the inSulted
pedestrian. was taken to the hospital III
an ambulance and when | recovered I
looked about for another job. New York
Evening Sun.
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02
At a Dutch breakfast Table.

Breakfast, % begin with, was ready at s
O'Clock for the master N the house, and often
still waiting at 10 o'clock for the Younger
tmale) scions This is easy for a mahogany
bucket lined with metal and containing peat
emberS In which brass kettle is kept sing
ing, is always placed beside every Dutch
breakfast table; and appears at chance 5
O'Clock teas, too, and after dinner in the
drawing room. The kettle bucket in Holland
Is the most characteristic object | can think
of. At this breakfast one only eats bread and
butter, adding sometimes to the latter thin
slices Of gingerbread, which is very good, or
wafer Of rye bread Concerning the latter
there are very few things l don't like in Hol-
land; but, without a shadow Of doubt. de-
test rye bread. Egg are boiled, if some one
cares for them, in the kettle The old fash
toned way was by means Of small sort Of
landing net in which they were first popped:
the newer one IS 60 have wire or silver drain
ing spoons to lift them out
But the young men OF the family going off
to business liz Haarlem do not even trouble
the tea and bread and butter, much less the
eggs. About q small cUpful Of milk and a
wafer of rye bread, often nothing but a nasty
glance at the morning papers, and they are of
smiling with bon j0Grs to the ladies left b.
bind. Ana bon jour is echoed back TO tire
husband bound IA the law court with VOL
piaisr traUch pleasure added to the ire
presSibie soon 70 become a Benedict. who is
OF TO the Hague to SEQ races or the Downs to
try sporting dogs IN . chase, and who viii
send notes at night TO an English acquaintance
on lie sport in Holland TO be published in The
Field. Many men whose business is in Am
sterdam, but who have houses in Ea2rlcm for
economy and quiet, viii go to their Offices and
work til or , 2. m. without food. Holland
Cor New York Graphic
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02
IN THE LIMEKlLN CLUB.
Certain Things Which a Good JIan Should
Always Try Ia Bear in Mind.

SerLaIn Ihias> y hicl a Good Ian Should
Always Try tn Bear in Mind.
Oar am sartin things which a good man
should allus bar in mind, " said Brother Gard
ner, US he motioned 10 the janitor to raise
three more windows on the alley side There
was 4 sound of mighty shutting as Elder
Toots, Deacon Tili>bury and Esquire Jackson
drew their hoois under their respective stools,
and then the president continued:
"AhuSin' a man fnr bein rich doan' lower
de price OF 'taters to de poo man
DE man who am down on his luck. rs de
sayin' is, am gineraliy pretty high UP on de
saloons.
No man expects to buy 500 boss for $50.
but lots Of folks want TO live ut the rate Of
so week on an income of $40
De man who kin find time to argv relicuu
duIin workin hours is de kind Of Christian
to look ont fur when he wants 10 borry
money.
Oar am 10 doubt that Providence some
times helps people ont Of a box, but reckon
1t am great deal safer to arm yer bread an
meat in de regular way
Oar an occashunS when all of us boast of
our honesty. or feel like it. Sich occashuns
Gn when we forgit dat we hey nebber bin
tempted wild anythin' beyand a bogus lookin'
half dollar
II you kin keep all de Ten Commandments,
glory fur you; but bekase You disLiver You
can keep but six OF soben doan' 20 an frow
'em all ODerboard
when You find Il man VINO won't listen TO
argument you has hit So close 10 a lunatic or
a fule dat you had better be gettin' home
TO supper.
I'VE am selfish lot We find fault wild
de law which gives verdict agin US in de
one case an hev no praise fur de score which
purtect Us in Others
Il kin sot torpedo in front Of my hen
house to purtect myself from thief, but IA
liar may walk ober me wild IMMUNITY in my
sleep.
Il nebber met but one man who tried 10 lib
up to de Golden Rule. He got to de poor
hodse Jist as left it. had bin tryin' to pay
up outlawed debts Detroit Free Press.
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02
SUNRISE AND VENICE,

The east is blossoming Yea, q rose,
vast as the heavens, soft as kiss,
Sweet as the presence of woman is
Rises and reaches, and widens and grows
Large and luminous, M from the sea
And out of the sea, IS q blossoIaing tree,
Richer and richer, so higher and higher,
Deeper and deeper it takes hue:
Brighter and brighter it reaches through
The space of heaven and the place of stars,
TIL all is rich as rose can be
And my rose leaves fall into pillows OF fire.
Then beams reach upward as arms from the sea
linen lances AMI arrows are aimed ut me;
Then lances, and spangles, and spars, and bars
are broken. aHd shivcred AID strown on the sea,
Ana, around aud about me, tower and spire
start from the pillows like tongues of fire.
joaquin Iiller.
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

The business manager OF The New York
Sur, ". N. LsfGan, is lover Of artistic pot
terry. of which Ia has large and fine collec-
ton in his house in Lexington avenue tie
had Gillian, the cartoonlS5, up there To dinner
recently. AMI the artist Inspected the pottery
with great curiosity. Mr.. LaTan showed
him two vases OF about the same size-one 4
delicately tinted blue and the other finely
tinted red. When Gillian had ceased his in
spection OF the two vases, Mr. lsfTan asked
which be thought WIS the finer The artist
indicated The red one as his choice, but added
deprccatingly TINT be knew very little abou,
such things, ~hunph," was the collectors
disguised reply as he set the vases away. At
Is very evident that you don't know about
such things. That vase cost me sic, whils
tie blue one cost =. 500. New York Tribune.
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

south room in The Zeinincer block. ia
Market street, with a large stock of toys
dolls express wagons fancy goods. albums
and everything for the holiday trade
They come prepared TO do the toy business
for the town. Due notice will be given of
the opening. l44-tf
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

W. o. Riddell s; Co, over Kansas Ma
tiOnal bank, Main street. are headquarters
for the following additions: Paramount,
Getto Logan, Spring Grove and Clement.
Our list is full of both residence and bust
hess property; we will be glad TO show
strangers and customers over our city, hav-
ing been in the real estate business for
we control some of the best
property in the city. Call and see us over
Kansas National bank, Main street. w.
.. Riddell Il Co. lll-tf
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

The popular line for California. Oregon,
Washington territory and all Pacific coast
points is the Missouri Pacific, FIT Scott
Route y l43-tf
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

A Partisan doctor has seen the pape lately,
and says be is certainly good for ten yean
more
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

Free reclining chair cars are now running
on all trains on the c., X g. " railway,
Rock Island Route between Wichita,
Topeka. Kansas City, ST. Joseph, Chicago,
st. Louis 9tf
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

Between the hotel squash and pumpkin pie
there is rarely any difference and no distnc-
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

California plums, green cages and
grapes at % cts can at 5. NJ Supply Co.
141-tf
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

All pattern hats at cost at Mrs. C. \.
Staples, 2i6 " Main. II IT
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

Special sale of silk velvets at Mrs. c. \.
Staples, 246 \. Main. II it
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

For coffee stains put thick givcerine on the
wrong side snd wash cut in lukewarm water
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

a severe bat sure cure for corns is said TO
oe creoSote Wet the corrls several nights in
succession.
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

Take the new short line, c. X & ",
Rock Island route, to Kansas City, st.
Joseph, Chicago and St Louis lift
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02
Oklahoma.

A complete History and Guide of Okla
homa illustrated. with sectional map of
the Indian Territory by Col Z. c. Cole.
Everybody contemplating going to that
country should have one. 1t is the only
history ever written of that wonderful
country Price 60 cents and 81 by mail.
Oklahoma Publishing Co., Wichita, Kan,
and news dealers generally. Eft
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

NJ NJ. Murdoch & Bro. proprietors,
printers, binders, publishers and blank
book manufacturers. All kinds Of county,
township and school district records and
blanks Legal blanks of every description
Complete stock of justices dockets and
blanks. Job printing of all kinds Cor
respondence solicited. Address all com
munications to
K. p. MURDOCH, Manager.
dSS-tf@ w24tf Wichita, Kansas.
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

Flannels Should be dried III TIE shade. and.
il possible, ironed while damp.
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

To cure seed warts rub with baking soda.
II is a sure cure
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

Special sale of ladies hats, ribbons. vel
vets, pushes aud trimmings of all kinds
at Mrs. c. y. Staples, PIG \. Main. II 1T
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

Hams can be kept wrapped in paper AMI
packed in barrel of ashes
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

Wash out oil stains on clothes in cold
1sksr: INK slilas dlp u u.,lk-
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

Alum or vinegar will set the colors of red,
green or yellow.
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02
Esrie Publish .ng House.

We keep larger stock of ladies' and
children's shoes in all widths from IA to
I. Q29tf) LOCKE & FINDEIss.
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

Strong vinegar VIII cure the hiccough; give
teaSpgonfG!.
Wichita eagle., 1887-12-02

% cts will buy pound can Royal Baking
Powder at ;. VI. Supply Co. 147-tf
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1887-07-16
Sanitary.

The report of DR.. o. B. Estes,
state health Office at Astoria, for the
quarter ending June 30, 1887. has
been received at the governors
Office. During that period, forty
seven sea-going vessels entered the
mouth. of the Columbia, all with
health good and no contagious dis
ease on board. In May, DIR. Estes
learned there was smallpox in Port
land, but, after investigation, found
that it had come by railroad. In June
one case came from Portland to As.
toria, and was spread in q logging
camp. But now all cases have been
strictly quarantined. 1t is gratifying
to. know that the guardian OF the
public health at the mouth OF the
Columbia is a gentleman who realizes
the importance of his duties. 1t is
only by the strictest attention to the
requirements of the law that the peo.
pie OF the state can hope to escape Q
visitation Of the pestilence.-Oregor
Vidette. IA.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1887-07-16
The Latest and Greatest Discovery.

DIR. J. DE PRATPS HAMBURG
FIGS,-A crystalized fruit cathartic.
A discovery Of the greatest interest
to the Medical Profession. A boon
TO every household. A most delicious
laxative or purgative prepared from
fruits and vegetables. So perfectly
harmless that they may be admins
tered with entire safety to an infant.
So efficacious to adults that a single
dose will prove their value, and so
elegant preparation that it needs
only to be presented to the public
to become q necessity in every
household throughout the land.
For liver complaints, habitual con-
stipation, indigestion, dyspepsia and
piles, they are a specific. To trav-
elers by sea and land they will be
found invaluable; they are positive
Iy unfailing in their action, and this
is the only medicine ever offered to
the public that is acceptable to the
taste, and SO pleasant that children
will eat the figs as eagerly as candy.
For sale by every Druggist through.
out the world. Price, 25 cents box.
j. ]. Mack & Co., Props, 9 and II
Front street, San Francisco, Cal.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1887-07-16
Commercial Statistics.

During the year ending June Both,
1887, as showing by records at the
Astoria custom house, there arrived
1872 vessels coastwise, Of 278,3S2 ag-
gregate tonnage, 6 American vessels,
of 5.168 tons, and 45 foreign vessels, OF
45, ,702 tons, q total of 243 vessels, of
329, ,252 tons. During the same time
there cleared 184 vessels, coastwise,
of 26S, $40, 10 American vessels, OF TO-
988 tons, 55 foreign vessels, of 81, ,344S
tons, a total Of 248 vessels. of BAG, 6,S4l
tons. During the year the exports
were, S1,357 .2S1; the imports. S231,
438; the duties collected in the As
toria custom house aggregated s79,-
36475; miscellaneous receipts, S3,.
6S6.31, making the total receipts,
83,051.06, a substantial increase oi
over twenty-nine thousand dollars
over the receipts for the year ending
June 80, 1886.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1887-07-16
LAST NIGHTS LECTURE.

The subject OF DIR. Wad-el-Ward's
lecture last evening, "a Pilgrimage
to Mecca with the MohammedaDs,"
proved even more interesting than
his Thursday night lecture. The
speaker held more closely to his out
line as given In the programme but
his humorous vein broke out very
frequently, and he held his audience
closely for nearly two hours.
Last nights lecture was a treat
to people desirous OF knowing some
thing of the Mohammedans, for the
speaker described minutely his visit
to the largest mosque in the world,
with college attachment containing
10000 students, who live very much
like the inhabitants of our China
town. At this college DIR. Ward
studied several months. He was told
by the professors the moon was
shaped like plate and its turning
over accounted for its phases. The
physician cured a mans headache by
laying 8 hot nail on his head.
The food of the people was
described, as well as the way they
II puttCI III ROdt
DR.. Ward said the butter came out
rich and strong, but not baldheaded.
Among the charities necessary to
have performed before going to Mec-
ca are, to have fed the poor, fed
prisoners, fed dogs, builded or have
helped build a wayside fountain and
to have married. Proceeding with
the description, DIR. Ward facetiously
said the Mohammedans were never at
peace unless they were fighting. He
recommended Lew Wsllace's inspir-
alton, "Ben Hur," truthful to the let
ter, and wonderfully 80 when one
remembers Mr.. Wallace had not WIS.,
tied Palestine when he wrote the
book.
Speaking of prices, DIR. Ward said
that in Suez you can buy forty-five
pounds OF dates for twenty cents, or
two magnificent ostrich plumes, each
1.-TWO feet long and eight inches wide,
for five cents. Incidentally speaking
of the way dates are so compactly
lpacked in their cases, he said: I'm
Egypt we have no hydraulic power; it
is all footdraulic power there. Ii
lyou ever find any thing hard and
shining in your dates here, put it in
your cabinet; it may be an Egyptian
toe nail"
The lecturer told minutely details
OF his journey across the desert, the
visit to the city and temple OF Mecca,
and to the Holy mountain, and the
return journey. No review can do jus.
tice to such a lecturer. The third
lecture, the last of the course, "One
Hundred Minutes with the People OF
; Jerusalem" will be given tonight
with interesting exercises. There will
! be no meeting of the Rescue club to
night.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1887-07-16
The Verdict Unanimous

W.D. Suit, Druggist. Bippus, Ind,
testifieS: 81 can recommend Electric
Bitters as the very best remedy. Every
bOttletsol has given relief in every case.
One man took six bottles, and was cured
OF Rheumatism of 10 years standing"
Abraham HIRE, druggist, Bellville,
Ohio. affirms: THE best selling medi-
cine have eyer handled in my 20 years
experience, is Electric Bitters." Thou
sands pfothers have added their testi-
mony, so that the verdict is unanimous
that Electric Bitters do cure diseases OF
the Liver, Kidneys or Blood. Only a
halfdollar a bottle at w. L. Dement, &
Co.'S Drug Store.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1887-07-16
Excitement I'm Texas,

Great excitement has been caused in
the vicinity of Paris. Tex. by the re-
markable recovery of Mr.. j. z. Corley,
who was so helpless he could not turn
in bed, or raise his head: everybody
said he was dying Of Consumption. A
trial bottle of DR.. Kings New Discovery
was sent him. Finding relief, he
bought a large bottle and box Of DIR.
Rings's New Life Pills; By the time he
had taken two boxes of Pills and two
bottles of the Discovery, he was well
and had gained in flesh thirty-six
pounds.
Trial bottles of this Great Discovery
for Consumption free at w. K. Dement,
& Co.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1887-07-16
Astoria illustrated, and As 1t Is.

PORTLAND, 0gn. July 1St, 1887.
This is to certify that Joe PinSchOw-
er is hereby appointed sole agent for
the sale of the forthcoming Astoria
number Of the West Shore. All orders
for said number should be sent TO him,
as no orders will be filled from our
Portland Office.
J.. SAMUEL,
Publisher Vest Shore.
The Astoria number of the West Shore
is now due. Ali orders will be filled at
the New York Novelty Store. Gall
early and get what copies you may
wish 30 send to your friends and rela-
tiveS, as the supply is limited.
JOE PISsCHOwER,
New York Novelty Store,
Astoria, Ogn.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1887-07-16
Prison Reform.

A convict says he was sent to prison
for being dishonest, and yet he is
compelled to cut out pieces of paste
board which are put between the soles
OF the cheap shoes made there and
passed off on the innocent public as
leather.-PdtGlkG Ne1oS.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1887-07-16
ouR NEXT PRESIDENT! wH0f
ONE SIDE.

ONE SIDE.
WHO'S the man to lead the frayf
who's the man to win the dayf
Who's the man who'll come to stay!
Can't say.
Who can carry the Irish vote
In the pocket of his coat!
Who can steer the mugwump boatf
Give it up.
Who best shout of seventy-siX,
The star route fake and other tricks!
Who's well up in politicsf
Excuse me.
Who can sway the empire slater
Who'll watch early, who'll work late!
Who the fayorite be of fate!
I'll see you later.
THE OTHER SIDE.
Who can down the former sherlnl
Who's the man who doesn't care II,
Perchance, the issue be the tarinf
Conundrum.
Who recite most forcibly
The great deeds of the q. y. r!
Who'll "shed rocks" most sparlnRIy!
Couldn't guess.
Who can make the loudest mention
of the fact of Growers" declension
To sign the bill-invalid pensionf
Don't bother me.
Who can work the old flag racket?
The chestnut" ''honest count" can
crack it?
Who can make bluff and back itf
pass.
BOTH SIDES.
Cleveland, Hill, Carlisle or Thurman,
Lincoln, Hawley, Blaine or sherman.
Which will people claim as their manE
Consult the dicky birds.
st Paul Globe.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1887-07-16
School Meeting Notice.

NOTICE is HEREBY GIVEN TO THE
Astoria. Clatsop county, Oregon. that q
meeting viii be held in the school house OF
said district on Tuesday. July 18th, 1887, AZ
O'Clock r. NJ. for the purpose OF levying
tax to support a school In said district for
the ensuing year. Also to levy tax TO pay
interest on the present indebtedness. Also
to levy tax for incld entail expenses OF said
district, And TO transact such other business
as may properly come before the meeting.
By order OF Board OF Directors,
Astoria, July 9Th. 1857.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1887-07-16
Terrible Pains

DIR. FLINTS HEART REMEDY
banishes sickheadache, and will pre-
went the return of this most terrible
OF pains, if taken when the warning
symptoms give notice of the recur-
renee OF an attack. At druggists
$1.50. Descriptive treatise with each
bottle; or address ]. j. Mack & Co.
ST..
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1887-07-16

The perfection of the age in the med
ical line is the liquid fruit remedy
Syrup OF Figs, manufactured only by
the California Fig Syrup Co., San Fran
cisco, Cal. 1t is agreeable to the taste,
acceptable to the stomach, harmless in
Its nature, painless yet prompt and
thorough In its action. For sac by w.
E. Dement, e. Co.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1887-07-16
A New And Enlarged stoek oi
Choice Brands OF Cigars.

Imported Key West and domestic. Ali
tastes can be satisfied and all pockets
suited as to price. TansilrsPunch and
Juniors in full supply as usual at
ID. Il. BECK & Sons.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1887-07-16
Famous Women.

Madame Trebelli, the greatest Of
living contraltos who has travelled
extensively, in fact visited every
county and city of note in the world,
has just departed from the slope OF
the Psci6e, and often expressing the
greatest admiration for the beauty
and grandeur of our scenery and the
delightful mildness OF our climate,
left the following written note as o
living expression of her opinion in
the hands of Portland druggist, the
original OF which can be seen on de-
mand..
PORTLAND, Or, April G, 1887.
Dear Mr.. WiSdom:-I have tried your
'Robertine," and it gives me much
pleasure to say that it is excellent for
the complexion, being one of the best
articles of the kind have ever used. Be
lieve me, yours sincerely,
q. TRRBKLLI.
III any further proof of the excel
lency of this article is required call on
Messrs. W. E. Dement, & Co. OF Asto-
ria, Or, who, for the small sum of
fifty cents, will produce evidence that
will satisfy the most skeptical and
fastidious and give you beautiful
picture card for the trouble of en-
quiring.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1887-07-16

All the patent medicines advertised
In this paper, together with the choicest
perfumery. and toilet articles, etc. can
be bought at the lowest prices, Fl !. ".
Conn's drug store. opposite Oc'ident
hotel, A stOria.
The daily morning Astorian. [volume] (Astoria, Oregon) 1883-1899, 1887-07-16
Private Rooms.

For the best photographs and tintypes
go TO Crows Gallery.