Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1887-12-24

rats, hence the latter are in no danger at all
No Ear as they are concerned. While passing
the corner Of Third an Commerce streets last
evening" noticed brindle savage looking
dog lying on the sidewalk. and three old
rodents were playing with his nose, trying TO
stick straws up It, but the dog liked the fun
so much that he was afraid to open Ibis eyes
for fear of soaring his company of. Il the
people of GAINESVILLE care about having the
rats exterminated, am ready to second the
motion TO have the Board of Mayor and Al
dernen to send the Emporer of China
telegram directing him to send several thous-
and of his subjects to GAINESVILLE where they
can get plenty OF good fresh rat meat as long
as they live. The average GAINESVILLE dog re-
minds me of Noah's Ark. You can have him
forty days and nights before lie will land on
airy rat.
a"o
The most unmitigated piece OF gall that I
eyer saw was on the part of an editor of this
city who had the cheek to pass along the
street the other day with box of oysters and
a bundle of celery under his arm. What! said
L, can 1t be the ghost of my professional BROTH
er, Miller, or is 1t real fact? After pausing
for reflection l sent policeman after the
form, and the knight of the star returned and
said 1t was really Pro. Bro. NJ. How he got
all those nice things is more than can tell,
for as general rule an editor is so eyerlast
ingy poor that he is compelled to put on an
overcoat to make shadow, and as he stalks
toward his home at noon he steps as high as
a blind dog in meat house for fear the "old
lady" will scod when he arrives because he
failed to send home the bacon, cornmeal and
cabbage that she had ordered through him
at the breakfast time.
49,
Doctor, Said to prominent physician
yesterday: What proportion should you say,
of those people who send servant flying TO
your office with, Come right awayv or make
the telephone jingle with, Come as quick as
you can 7 are suffering chiefly from fear and
Imagination? Stroking his beard. the
learned man of medicine replied: swell,
might safely put 1t at two-thirds. When 1
arrive, the mere announcement that it is
nothing serious allays the fear. While am
writing the prescription and chatting pleas
antly on some other topic, the last stage of
convalescence.has been nearly reached, and
when say, in an assuring tone, stake this
and you will be all right in the morning. the
case is settled"
SIS
The bang, fizz, pop business will begin in
grand shape in this city tonight and judging
from the large supplies Of great big shootin
crackers the merchants have, am satisfied
that the noise is going to be fearful in the ex-
IRENE. / am glad that / live in Mocking
bird valley, because there is not much danger
of being annoyed to any great extent by this
annual racket Next week the small boy of
GAINESVILLE will be poulticed all over in con-
sequence of the wounds he will get, and this
makes me feel glad / am not boy like !
used to be, for If was, the very first break
III make, would be to hold one of those ten
pound squibs in my mouth while my chum
would light the tizzlc string.
There appears to be any number of ME-.
names for the spirits of frumenti in this Sec
ton of countrys The other day l went into
n saloon to hear the particulars of an arrest
that had been made there, and the men came
rolling in with jugs. One said he wanted
"tamerack, )" another wanted "bug juice" an
other wanted "blue ruin" another said he'd
take gallon of family disturbance" sew
eral said they wanted "red eye" and two or
three wanted "bust head" but out of all that
called, none said they wanted whisky. Now
even If had not been breathing calendar
could have told that Christmas was near,
just by their singular actions.
m"#
"Dear mamma am ever thine" wass the
,ot ,,lo
new organ at the residences of my friend
Edgar Orgain last Tuesday morning early,
The music was a little "screachy" but spa
and Ma" put up with 1t Just as II 1t were per-
feeS. So faras could learn, the name of the
young musician had not been designated
but think his nom de plume will be "Gro-
cer."
a" Il
Somebody has put very substantial pair
OF stairs at the foot of franklin street, leading
from Spring street to the hill top and they are
a great accommodation to myself. thank the
donor from the bottom to the top of my heart.
think sign should be put over them
worded thusly: "These steps were presented
to the city of GAINESVILLE because the street
improvement committee would no. level this
hill to a regular grade and open the west end
of Franklin street to public propellation."
o"e
One of the boys of our neighborhood came
home from school yesterday nearly out Of
breath, and stated that he had just learned
rhyme that ro reader could read once, and
turn from the paper and repeat. He said 1t
was as follows:
Tobacco rick, tobacco rick,
II a man be well twill make him sick
Tobacco rick, tobacco rick
Twill make him well IL he be sick.'
Every body at our house tried it and got left
So
There is a lively family just over the State
line In Kentucky that has children with the
following eccentric names: London Judge,
Avenue Belle, China Figure, Reputable
Kingdom, Southern Soil, Hebrew Fashion,
Dirt Rot and Hell in the Kitchen. The father
of the family fell over his horses head and
broke his neck several years ago.
The Funniest sight witnessed the past week
WIS CHRONICLE subscriber that came into
the Office and paid $40 fns Ave past years sui
scriptlon. aud added two silver dollars 4 r
next years paper. Oh, what ghastiy smile
ynOie