Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1887-07-01
SQUIBS.

Always prepared for death-the under
taker.
How to make Maltese cross by step
ping Ga its tail.
No wealthy mans daughter ever had
red hair.
The servant who answers the wrong
bell has evidently mistaken her calling
When Emerson said "hitch your wagon
to star" die he mean to marry an &C
tress.
Even fishermen who wouldn't steal are
always ready to hook something if they
get chance.
Vassar girl being asked by her teach
! er what kind of a aoun kiss was, replied
with blush that it was both proper and
common.
A new style of hose has been imported
in which there is receptacle for each
toe. The agricultural papers note this
as a new corn cNItiyator.
young man is apt to stammer and
stutter when he declares his pas sion
Sometimes the pitying girl helps him
out, and sometimes 1T is her pitiless
father
Down south they eat pepper on water
melon. Up north they sometimes mix
cayenne pepper with thu mustard to
warm up the plaster after eating water
melon.
A distinguished physician has discover
ed that the gall ST a rattlesnakt will cure
its bite. From this we infer that the
rattlesnake has almost as much gall as Il
| book agent
Some of the old almanac jokes, born
| nobody knows when, are going the
rounds of the press, and are as good
| an illustration of perpetual motion as we
have.
The spectacle of Boston spending
$1,000 a day for flowers for Ka piolani
while BostOn's own Ben Butler has to
raise his own violets, will never, let us
hope, be repeated.
A London Journal thinks that linen are
not helped by books" but we can recall Il
number of men who would not have
amounted to much if it had not been for
their fathers pocket books.
"Do you know what you are making?"
asked a mOraIist of a boy, whom he
caught playing cards. ''Yoa are making
dishonest man" mo, | amt; | am
making hearts trumps, was the encourag
Ing response.
Anybody can live happily with an
eighth wife, or a seventh wife, for that
matter. Statistics show very few failure.
of perfect bliss with wives beyond the
fifth. 1t is with the first and second that
most failures occur.
How is it that l find you in prison, my
man?" 1t was a mistake, sir, that brought
me heTe-indeed. | might say a blunder."
How ser" Il only stole $1,000, when l
could just as easily have taken $4,000"
Mr.. -, the New Orleans banker, is
almost as much in New York as in his
tropical home. He is a fluent converse
tiOnalist, and is fond of Latin. One even
ing, at the Hoffman house, he was missed
from the parl.r, where a gay party of
southerners were making merry. Where
have you been, Mr.. ~" asked a Young
lady when he returned. "Oh, Just outside
in the eupsidor, walking pro and CON- he
replied. He was once deeply offended at
a covert sneeI in Washington paper"
why" said he, "this is catamount to
calling me fool"
Advice to young ladies about to gradu-
ate Be just as sweet as you can. The
man who doesn't like to look upon a sweet
Tie your essay with blue ribbon, and be
practical in the choice of a subject. We
suggest 'The Coming Man" Advice to
young men about to graduate: Don't
mind the newspapers. Whoop her up for
all you're worth on the commencement
stage about THE Scholar in Politics.
THE Ideal Republic and the Political
Destiny of Patagonia" About FIVE years
from now read yOur creation over To
yourself slowly.
Before spanking wholesale breeze
The yacht glides DER the sunlit seas:
Tire slipper. ST enr, grim,
WALKS TO and fro upon the deck
Until he shining speck
Upon the horizon S brIn.
Bring up GAS" the skippsr cries
The SHIPS boy TO the cab Ties,
The locker s~arcb-s through
Then lightly { the de he spring.
And to he waiting -kpp=r brings
A glass, and botte TOO.