Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-09-18
wTTTICISMS.

onOOG ScOOl.-OHtCttyO JRttF-OCcuH.
The proprietor of Niagara hotel has
great faith in his profits.-Hotei Mail
A preferred creditor is one who never
asks for his money.-Nelo Orleans PieGyaae:
The flower Of the family you will often
find becomes college bred.-fORkers States
ndR.
A down. east summer hotel keeper has
been robbed. Now he knows how 1t Is
self.--HOtel Mail.
The hardest kicking on public enter
prises always comes from those who give
the least. -KaRSds City San.
Little things upset the plane of little
men, but solid honesty stands solid 70 inc
end. Philadelphia Record.
Paris eats forty-nine tons of snails every
day. And yet there is nothing slow about
Paris, either.-BoStOR Transcript.
Hawthorne did not write his Scarlet
Letter with red ink. 1t continues 10 DC
read Notwithstanding -BostoR Bulletin.
Colorow is reported as wanting heap
big talk. The willy Ute chief appears 10
be the Johann Most Of the reserVatlon.-
Ohio State Journal.
,Justice in Ireland is not blind. She has
been merely knocked down, jumped upon,
scalped, quartered, and dragged out
Philadelphia Times.
A travelling doctor who Is holding torth
in Indiana has his bills read: IF not hung
by q mob shall reach this place about"
Detroit Free Press.
IL. fF ualf-aHnRafiNn the
ple are advancing. A man who won't
take any other paper will take paper OF
cigarettes regularly. HdreH Nelcs.
A man seen walking the other night IN
zig-zag fashion was not candidate, but ne
was in the hands of his friends and may be.
-Nelr Orleans Piedyune.
A man escaped from Rhode Island jail
by making a rope Of newspapers twisted
together. This certainly was demonstra-
ting anew the powers OF the press.
change.
Thirty millions of cucumbers for pickles
are raised in Fredericksburg, Va. Freder-
icksburg got a reputation for being an I'M
healthy spot twenty-five years ago.-Ns''
HdreR NeirS.
The Jolly fellows, the doctors, are to at
tend banquet tonight in order to prove
that they mean what they say when III
Weighing against late hours and many wines.
l-Philddelphia Times. :.
First Citizen-I tell you a country can I
be governed on abstract principles. Second
Citizen-That depends, l should say, on
bow full treasury there is 10 abstract
from.-Ner HdreR Nelps.
Rnafnn npVAlnnp0 n
maximum horse power of 745 more than
the required 800, and that without the
aid of beans or brown bread inside Of ITS
waist.-NorWieh Bulletin.
My dear young friend" he said sol
emily, ''if you are so fond Of beer at your
age, what do you suppose you will be
when you reach your prince"
"a politician" responded the youth
Puck.
Clerk-What can / do for you, sir?
Professor-I-I-well, that's nice at
tair; | really don't know what / was told
to get. But no matter, give me something
similar.-FlegeHde Blatter.
England is said to have one cow to eight
and half persons, France one cow to three
and one third, and America one COW to ore
and two-third persons. America is ahead
on the cow.-Jones6Oro IH } Gazette.
Bessie, hear your sister is sick. What
ais her?" IL don't know, ma'am. May
be it's the diploma" THE what, child?'
"The diploma. | heard mother say that
she took it at school. - .Nelp Orleans Times
Democrat.
One of the contemporary poets asks;
''Where are the bright girls Of the past"'
Our own observation is that some OF them
are administering cautious doses OF pare
goric to the bright girls Of the future
Philadelphia Press.
Bad luck is simply man with his hands
IN his pockets and pipe in his mouth look
ing on to see how it is coming out Good
lucS is a man of pluck, with his sleeves
rolled anu working to make 1t come out
right. Exchange.
A convict says he was sent to prison Tor
being dishonest, and yet he Is compelled
to cut oct pieces of pasteboard, which are
put between the sOles Of the cheap shoes
made there, and passed of on the innocent
public az leather.-brchdRge.
A trunk went over the Michigan Central
Railroad recently on which was printed
Carrie CrittendOl. Blood and Fire. Sal
walton Army. God is Love. Repent or
Perish" 1t is needless to say Miss Carrie
is shining light In the army.-thltddet-
phia Call.
Game to the Last-The conversation
turned on an old woman who had Just died
st the age of 100. "And she WAS really rs
old as tnSt?"
Eyes, aud so intelligent! Do you know,
only the day before her Gesth she kicked
up Q row with her son-in-law.-Figdr0.
Hotel Clerk Ito guest Your bill Is
81 SO, sir. And how did you find trade in
town?
Guest-Trade? I'm no drummer. I'm
a gentleman, and I'm travelling for pleas
pre.
Hota, Clerk (cOutritely)-I beg your
pardon, siI. Two dollars, please. Puck