Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1887-03-17

"A taking way-tne Theirs

One does not need a thermometer
nowadays to lind that it grows warmer
by degrees.
An Abingdon Square girl recently
married a legless man. She says when
she asks for a e bonnet he can't kick.
A little boy said he would rather
have the earache than the toothache,
because he wasn't compelled to have
his ear pulled out.
al wish that dog would 60 out of
the parlor. | wonder why he don't"
Probably because he is a tarryer,"
was the reply.
They may say what they please
about civil service reform, but not even
q Mugwump can jerk his own door bell
knob without becoming a wire-puller.
Some one says that Miss Kate Field
would sooner have married John
Brown than any hero of the war.
John is probably well satisfied that it
turned out as it did.
please, sir, how will you have your
steak?" shyly asked a pretty waiter
girl. "Wel done, good and faithful
servant" said the digniied young
student, impressively.
A young man who has recently been
on a short voyage, where he suffered
greatly from scasickness, says that all
he had for breakfast several mornings
was a chop sea.
A storekeeper in Boston has put a
drum in his window to which is at
tached a card with the price thus: "55
cents! only. Beat thisw All! that's
where the stick comes in.
Would it be considered impolite to
speak of some OF the very thin girls
who go in batting as swimming
matchesl Perhaps to refer to them as
a part of the floating population would
be better.
Four year old Belle had been watch
ing Tom, the cat, squeeze through a
very small hole under the house. aOh,
mamma" she said, "you ought to have
seen Tom! He just mashed and went
underl'
Lizzie Moore, a colored woman, when
called upon to plead before a New
York Judge to a charge of cursing
and swearing, said: 1.-THE old man
wa choking me and l had to say some
thing" @
Harry (who has the idea, but forgot
the precise words)-"0h sister, Mrs.
b. told mi to tell you how awfully kind
it was of you to sing, as it's so hard to
get any M to do it nowadays unless
they sing well"
1t is stated that Mrs. Potts, wife of
that Potts who went through the whirl-
pool rapids, WAS willing for her hus-
band to risk his life. No one who has
not had experience can appreciate what
it is to be married to a crank.
AZ want to send some floral tribute
to the late DR.. Ketchum. What do
you think of as appropriate as a
= devicey' 1.-THE doctor died insolved,
/ believer" "Yes, so / understand"
"How would a broken piller dol"
"Gentlemen," remarked Col. Mooney,
the other day, "let us strike for a re-
form in our dress. If women can wear
dresses with the arms and yokes thereof
punched full of holes to let the cool air
in, why can't we? I'm for reformg'
A little six year old, whose "nose had
been put out of joint" twice within
two years and q half, feelingly re-
marked the other day: "Mamma gets
sick every time a new baby comes to
this house. and l wish they'd stay
away"
an press thee, press thee, yet
again." sang the hair-parted-in-the-
middle young man at the social the
other night, and all the. fellows he had
borrowed from for two years back
went out in the cool for fear he would
keep his word.
An exchange says a good peach is
the king of fruit. Very true; but a
brief experience with the UNDERGONE
peach now in the market conyinces
us that "aching," rather than "the
king" would be a more appropriate
title for the fruit
a little girl, visiting a neighbor with
her mother, was gazing c~uriOus,y at
the hostess new bonnet. when the
owner ueried: Do you likeit, Laura?'
The innocent replied: Why, mother
said it was a perfect fright, but it don't
scare me"
al tell ye, my friens," said Brother
Gardner, when / come to realize list
what queer piece of clay we am an
how much workin' ober we need to
come out perfeck, | can't wonder ober
the shoutin' and hurrahin' in heben
when II Of us grown folks finds his
way in"
"Say," exclaimed one of Dixey's
Adonis troupe, as she patted. somewhat
viciously, the head of q venerable adj
mirer you are an old wretch, that's
so. | counted f0rty-six hairs on your
head only last evening and now there
. are only thirty-eight. What II girl
have you been giving hair to, %sirree?"
"Jeptha," asked Mrs. Jones, who was
writing a letter home chow do YOU
spell signY" "S-i-n-e,'' answered Jones,
who always spells by sound. 81 thought
there was a & in it somewhere" re-
marked Mrs. Jones, doubtfully. "That
would make sing of it," responded her
husband. S-i-n-e spells sign"
n DullulU PREACHER ID accused OF mug
ging the girls in his congregation. The
accusation, it is presumed, is brought
by q female member of the congrega-
ton who has a wart on her chin and
freckles on her face, and who was
neither embraced in the list of girls
Rugged nor Rugged in the list Of girls
embraced.
An unknown man stepped UP Ia
Brother Talmage and said: "Well
sir, / am an evolutionist and I want tc
discuss that question with you. / an
also an annihilationist. / believe that
when / die that will be the end of me-
"Thank God for that I" devOutly ejacu.
lated Mr.. Talmage, as he walked of
and left the man perfectly dazed.
A Maine man proposes to jump from
O balloon fifty feet above the Brooklyn
Bridge, with thirteen pounds of iyol
attached TO his feet. 1.-The will slight,
change his programme, and Jump from
his balloon five hundred feet above
$500.