Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-05-19
1uNsoRiAL pointers.
III. Vyhanxdoodle Baxter Has Somethin:
to Say About the Barberx

/ =
N. whanxdoodle Baxter Has Something
to Say About The Barbers.
| Dc subjec' oh dis Clemens discourse
| am BARRIERS. has selected dis subject
| bekase de cullud race am much adj
dicte' ter barberism. not only in dis
kentry but likewise in Africa.
has heered n heap oh references ter
illusions in regard ter BARRIERS, dat dey
talks too much and SO forth. and / am
sorry ter say wild humileashun dat dar
am good grounds for hit.
Howsumeeber, dar's no danger OBJ de
barber shops goin' outer de bizness so
long rs de wimin folks cuts dar corns
wld dar husbands best razor. Dis, and
de fact dat de aberage woman can't be
convinced dat hit don't Spite a razor
ter sharpen hit on butchers steel.
Some BARRIERS am too heightened ter
call demsefs BARRIERS. 1 knowed one
who called hissef a tonsilorious arts,
physignominical har dresser, carnum
manipilater. capillery abridger. and
professor OBJ ctineculturai abcission.
He was one OBJ dc ornery BARRIERS. and
tie customer what got inter his hans
got hissef inter a bad scrape, and no
mistake. I has heered BARRIERS was
surgins, originally. and dis sort of bar
beers am surgins yet. Keep way from
EN-.
Talkln' about BARRIERS bcin' surgins.
de barber shop an not de only place
whar folks get skinned alive. Some
time hit hurts noah to get shaved in a
brokers' office, or in Il law Office, den
hit does in a BARRIERS chair.
De beautiful poick who sad ode
fittenest place for man ter dye am
whar he dyes for man" must have had
a barber shop in his head when he writ
dem solemn lines. 'De Isles of
Greece" has heered so much about,
wasn't dey in a barber shop? Some
folks don't preshiate de literary labors
oh de BARRIERS. Dis heah head-work
takes brains, YOU jes bet hit does.
Men, and specially boys, likes ter be
shaved. Shaving a boy am like re-
ducin' expenses, for yer has ter cut
down. Heah! heah! heah! l had a
young freaten ter sue me for damages.
He said. cut off his merstache. 1 tole
him l didn't see hit. and den he got so
mad he wanted ter kill me. He
couldn't be persuaded dat his whiskers
wasn't ripe yet.
De talk what BARRIERS glib dar custom
ers don't do no hurt. Dey nebber
really says muffin. When barber
talks to a customer, and am sOciable-
like, he don't mean muffin 'cept dat he
wants ter scrape an acquaintance.
OATS all. l has heered tell dat de
reason dat we don't heah muffin more
about de phonograf am bekase hit
wont inter Il barber-shop and was
talked ter death. but l don't believe
hit. Hits simply a consult ter de bar
berous perfeshum.
Most men will stand clip on de
head from Il barber, and dey don't lose
dar temper eff de barber pulls dar nose
besides. Dey wouldn't TAXI dat from
nobody else ceptin a barber. Before |
l tuok ter lecturin' 1 was a tonsorial |
arts myscf. l once tole man wild |
mighty little har on his head dat he |
needed a bottle OBJ my Magic Har Re-
stOrer and Electrical Elixir, but he
shuck his head VERY solum-like and
said dat hit wasn't har restorer so
much us hit was divorce what he |
needed. guess arter all he knowed
best what he wanted.
has also heered dat in Chicago you
could see wimen at de polls, dat dar
was lots oh female BARRIERS. Hit strikes
me dis move am shear nonsense, and
muffin else.
When was tonsorial arts I had
more change in my pocket den l has
had sence l has been on de lecture
platform. Uncle Nose, please pass de
Lat.-Ieras SVtinQs.