West Virginia Democrat. [volume] (Charles Town, W. Va.) 1885-1890, 1887-07-01
THE DRUMMER DID IT.
A Glass OF Honest and Enthusiastic
Nuisances Who Never Die.

Nuisances Who Never Die.
All investigations by archeologists into the
various races and their history break on an
inexplicable influence that seems to connect
widely different places, periods and peoples
They find old jars in use in India that ths
mound builders had here, and they come
across iron teaspoons in the primeval forest
beds of coal They are astonished to lind the
gridiron of the north of Ireland figuring IN
the social life of China three or four thousand
years ago. The Bcdouin Arab has tho army
blanket of the Esquimaux, and in the RUNS OF
Pompeii they como across peanut shells Ike
what the sweeper sweeps out of the gallery OF
the theatre to-day. Well, why is this! Archoe-
ologists cannot tell. / can. The mysterious
ubiquitous influence that leaves no track save
the article is simply the drummer. 1t was
the drummer who did it all. He left those
curious Grecian scrolls in Egypt; he carved
those hieroglyphics on the rocks OF ancient
Britain; he is the man who introduced French
candy into Herculaneum and stuck the
mound builders with iron teaspoons.
Do you ever know what becomes OF
drummer! Not that you care, but have you
ever seen dead drumnerl Idont believe
drummers die I believe they simply talk
themselves into gas "Gas thou art, to gas
returnest," was written OF the drummer. l
have met one or two men who have been
drummers, but they do not talk much about
it. When drummer gets tired OF talking
he just disappears. / do not see how TINS
country survives the existence of drummers.
You go into small country place; you step
into the hotel; you find in the office sixteen
coats hanging up on the wall and sixteen
valises in O row on the floor, and sixteen men
sitting with their thirty-two feet up ON the
stove, telling sixteen lies about their business
and their adventures, all at one time. You
can't get what you want in that town. The
drummers have made the store keepers buy
what they have to sell, and you've got to take
it or 90 without. It seems almost Impossible
to believe that drummer should ever be
able to disguise his identity. He is, as rule,
aggressive and runs things.
If you see man come into the Office OF
hotel and step up timidly to the counter ana
ask the clerk if there IRE any letters for him.
please, you may know that he's humble
private citizen and plain guest II you see
u fellow bang open the door, stride IN ana
leave it open behind him, go and hang MS
coat on peg and jam his valise on the floor,
walk behind the counter, take out all the let
tiers and read the addresses from every box,
open the drawer and look in, then you'll know
it's a drummer-good for one nights lodging
and several drinks lie generally lets every
body know that he's gold lot Of stuff, and he
talks very loud about the fun he's had some
times. But they told me Of one drummer
who called himself a count, and wore long
fur lined ulster and an imposing foreign look
ing mustache He came in the summer sea-
son and stayed long time. He was the rage;
the girls fell in love with him; the mnmmas
admired him; lie was on the eve of getting
engaged to naughty San Francisco belle,
when o lady walked into a drug store one day
and found him with lot OF samples of soap,
trying to stick the proprietor with his stock
That let him out and he disappeared. But
the profession disowned him, for as q rule the
drummer is Straightforward, open, honest
and enthusiastic nuisance.-San Francisco
Chronicle