The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-07-20
HUMOR.

4
ONE acre enough-especially if it be
a tender corn.
On the edge of dis-pair-about to be-
come divorced.
A VESSEL sailing from Cork is in
complete without Corks crew.
I'D rather be the man to find
A fault in most of what soc,
Than have that vacant yapd mind
OF satisfied insanity -Syttngs
JAY GOULD has purchased 10, O00,-
acre snake farm near st. Louis. 1t
won't be long until he will convert it
into water" snake farm.
Independent.
HERE, Johnnie, what do you mean
by taking Willie's cake away from him?
Didnt you have piece for yourself?'
"Yes, but you told me always ought
to take my little brothers part.
CoRNs are not always OF the feet. as
all chiropodists advertise that they have
removed them from several crowned
heads" You always notice a we'll
corned man can't stand on his feet,
though.
"WHY, Hans, you have the most
feminine face l have ever seen ON
man." said traveller to Dutch hotel
keeper. ooh, var, l know the reason
for that" was the reply; "mine mudder
was woman"
WE don't see you very often at the
club, Charley" "No; the fact is I'm
engaged, and can't call an evening my
own" "Going to leave the club, then"
40, no; / shall he married in April, and
then you may look for me at least three
times week. "-Philadetphia Call
Lily secretary of the cooking class
Now, girls, we've learned nine cakes,
two kinds of angel food, and seven pies.
What next? Susie (engaged)-Dick's
father says must learn to bake bread.
Indignant chorus Absurd
What are bakers for ?-Ptttsburg B1tl-
letin.
WIFE-John, dear, 1 notice that
your brother James never makes
friendly call upon us unless he is in
toxicated Husband-No, my dear, he
doesn't. James reminds me OF the
moon. W.-Reminds you of the moon?
H-Yes, dear; he never gets round
till he's full.
'How SILLY you look in this picture"
said an Oakland belle, on viewing pho
tograph presented by gentleman who
intended to absorb her name. "Do /,
Sarah? / tried to smile and look sweet
when it was TAKEN" "Smile! If that's
the way you look when you SMILE 1
should certainly join the prohibitionists
if l were you. San Francisco Wasp.
JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL says
that the men of Shakspeare's
day were fortunate in being
able to gather their language
with the dew upon it. From what we
have heard of the gatherings at the
Mermaid Tavern, at that time, we
should Judge that it was saturated with
what the Irishman calls mountain
dew. "-BoSto1l Gazette
A TERRITORIAL editor says in his
paper: Yesterday we were again mar
ried. 1t will be remembered that both
of our former wives eloped with the fore
man of the Office. To avoid any future in
convenience of the kind we have this
time married lady who is herself
compositor, and she will set the type
while we hustle for the ducks who still
owe on subscription. "-Ddkota Bell.
well, good-by," said the Boston
lady to Mrs. Parvenu, at the seaside
hotel. "I've just time to give the head
waiter his perquisite before l CO." II
don't know" said Mrs. Parvenu, mus
ingly, why she gives him perquisite.
/ wonder if that's any better than a
five-dollar bill. Laura" she said, turn
ing to her daughter, whats perquis-
lite, any way"
THE AMATEUR CARVER.
| A bachelor tried to carve goose,
| In vain
| He could not find n thigh-Done loose,
| Twas plain;
! He stuck fork in the creatures breast,
| And gravy spurted over his vest
| The guests all smiled like seraph's best
| Again
| The carver's face red and white,
| Indeed
He sawed away, if that he might
| Succeed
His collar parted with n snap,
| His coat-tail tapped with many flap,
The goose slid into the hostess lap
| With speed
| philadelphia NtlOs.