Daily Republican., 1887-07-12
MIRIH AND MERRImENr,

On tne DrdlD, ana thinks himself one:
A-ysas, Jones Is very good fellow;
Al don't know that can quite cali
him a gentleman, you know" Miss
Sharp, who has liking for Jones:
"Don't you, really? Oh, but perhaps
you are not very good judgeP'
A young lady dreamed the other
evening that she was out riding, and
that the horse was running away. She
jumred and fell from the bed to the
floor, bruising her shoulder. Might
This, SO 10 speak, be called case of
being thrown from nightmarep
Nothing to Say-"Clara was telling
ma about your singing at Mrs. Hob
sons party. Mr.. Featherly," remark ed
Bobby. "Yes?" said Featherly, com
Iplacently; "and what did she say2"
"Oh, she didn'. say anything. She
Just laughed"
"Did We read the Queens speech,
Pat?" mo, l did not" Sure We
fought. She gives good news of Uncle
Mike and his family in America. !"
"Does she, thought An what does
she say OF thim?" "Sure, she says our
foreign relations are all right"
II never can enjoy poetry when I'm
cooking" said An old lady who dropped
in on neighbor recently. but when
step out to feed the pigs and hist
myself on the fence, and throw my
soul into few lines of Wait till the
clouds roll by 1t does seem as if this
airth was made to live on, after all"
II don't know what you mean by
not being an Irishman," said gentle.
man who was about hiring a boy;
"out you were born in Ireland"
"Och, yer honor, If that's ALL" said
the boy, "small blame TO that. Sup.
Ipose your cat was to have kittens In
tho oven, would tAey be loaves Of
Ibread.'
| Young husband: SIT does seem to
me you might learn how 10 cook bet
ter than that; my mother" Young
lwlfe: "There, that will do; l refrain
from learning how to cook on princi
pie" "Oh, you do; thinking Of me
lof course?" mo, OF my son." "Son?'
I"Yes; l don't intend he shall evel
make any nice girl miserable Dragging
Iabout my cooking"
| A mate ON board a ship manned
with crew who had had no nautical
Iexpcrience, took packs of cards, and
mailed one card close to where each
Irope was made fast, and named the
Irope after the card The result was
Isuch orders as "net 60 the ace o.
Ispadcsl" "Man the nine of hearts ant
Ininc of diamonds!" "Haul tight thu
Iqueen Of clubs!"
| Wife to husband: Smother wants t.
Icome and pay us visit, John; but
have written to her to say that just a
Ipresent, while baby is teething, i
Wouldn't be convenient. If 1 give yo,
1.-THE letter, will you remember to pos
lit, my dearg" Husband, with an all
LOT perfect confidence: well, l SHOULD
ratner say l would"
| Mrs. Hendricks, the landlady
l"Why, bless me, Clara, look out o
1.-THE window and see who is ringing 81
Violently at the door" Clara: "Why
'ma, its Mr.. Drmley." Mrs. Hen
Idricks, with sigh OF relief: "Thanl
lgoodness, he has brought the none,
Ito pay the board he owes, or he woult
never dare to ring like that"
| Young Clammy (with tremeRdou
idea of his conversational powers)
I"My mother will be down in few
moments, Miss Keene. Cawn't en-
tertain you until she comes2" Mis-
IKeene. "How good of you, MI
iClammy? Will you be kind enougl
ito watch my coachman out of the win
Idow and see that he keeps his Goa
buttoned up tightly? He is so delicate
Iyou know"
| An Irish priest, wishing to explain
the nature of miracle to a skeptica
iparishioner. gave him a tremendou
kick. "Did it hurt ye9" asked th
lreverend father. "Hurtl' exclaimed
the victim, tenderly solacing the ag
Igrieved region with his hand, ~,
may we'll ask that" "Well, then,
said the clergyman, complacently, "i
would have been miracle if it hadn'
hurt ye."
| German professors are proverbially
absent minded, Tut. none of then
more SO than Professor Duscl, O
Bonn. He noticed. one day, his wifi
iplacing large bouquet on his desk
What does this mean2" he asked
"Why, this is the anniversary of you
marriage" replied Mrs. Dusel. ZACH
is that so? Well, let Inc know whel
Iyours comes around, and I'll recipro
cate"
| London society possesses two ladic
who both bear the name of Isabelle
land who. standing to each other a
lthey do in the relation of mother an,
daughter, are presumably of diferen
lages, though, indeed, the differenc
Imight easily pass uupcrceived. 4
friend was heard lately to give the fol
lowing account of them: 1.-THE on
is named Isabclle-the other is
lbelle.'
A song with the title, "There's
ESgh in the Heart" was sent by
tyouug man to his sweetheart, but tn
spaper fell into the hands of the girl'
father, very unsentimental physi
Ician, who exclaimed, "What wrelch
led, unscientific rubbish is this? Who
lever heard of such a caseP" He wrot
ion the outside: mistaken diagnosis
lno sigh In the heart possible; signs re
late entirely to the lungs and dia
sphragm.'
Il A Texas clergyman relates that a
, be was vending his way to the sanct
. uary on the Sabbath he saw a DO,
with fishing rod over his shoulder
irOing In the onnnsite direction. WheI