The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-11-09

me to apologize for sitting down to ad.
dress you in my shirt-sleeves. The heat
Of the last few days must be my excuse. "
A Scotch dominic, after relating to
his scholars the story of Ananias and
Sapphire, asked them "why God did
not strike everybody dead who told n
lie." After long silence one little fell
low got to his feet and cxclaimed: "Be-
cause, sir. there wadna be onybody
left"
A devout old suburban clergyman
was talking the other Sunday of poverty.
Look at the Apostles" said he; "they
did not wear first-class clothes nor even
second-class clothes. They were not
even respectable-looking men. Peter
himself was Observation-Disclosures
Record.
A French explorer was travelling in
India and had an audience with one of
the petty Princes. Finding certain re-
marks of the Prince rather uncompli-
mentary to his native country, the
Frenchman gave the interpreter Il cuff
over the ear, and remarked, quietly,
Translate itn-PariS Paper.
Easter catechism: Miss Hichurch--
"And, Thomas, when is Palm Sunday?n
Thomas-"The last Sunday before
Easter" Miss Hand why is il
called Palm Sunday?" Thomas
"Cause it's the last Sunday you can
Palm off your old winter clothes at
church. Chicago Rambler.
Little boy (studying his Latin lesson)
-'.Pa, what does mort mean?" Pa
(ex-alderman and builder)-"Is that
word in your book?" Little boy
"Yes." Pa-"Well, it means more
mortar but didn't know it was y
Latin word. IN Y. Times.
Mistress of the house-'Why are you
idling about the kitchen in this way,
Patrick? Surely you have taken out
the ashes by this time?" Pat-"Sure,
mum, they was that hot that l was
mortal feared as phwat the themper wad
be took out nv the shovil, so I'm coolin'
it aft aisy loike."
A Waterbury gentleman was sur
prised while out for drive on the
Wolcott road recently by the conduct of
n boy whom he asked to ride. The boy
refused obstinately, and when prevailed
upon for a reason said he expected a
whipping when he got home and was in
no hurry. Waterbury american.
A poor place: Mistress to new help
IL hope that you are satisfied with your
place." New help-"Satisfied is it.,
mum, yez axes? Och, thin, divil bit,
is me answer. ] can't afford to SHAY
in n place who has no credit wild the
grocer, an me ould mother and four
sisters depindin' on me for food y
Judge
School-teacher-"N Master Thomp-
son, tell me the denominations into
which the money of the United States
is coined" Master Thompson-"Don't
know" School-teacher-''Don't you
know how the money your father brings
home every Saturday is dividedg"
Master Thompson--''Tain't divided.
Ma takes it all"
at looks like vain, old fellaw. /
guess we'd bettaw have n hanson. :"
''What do you want a hanson for? It's
only half dozen blocks, and you've
got your umbrella. "Yaas, deah boy.
But it's my walking umbwellaw, |
cawn't use it faw vain umbwellaw.
| could nevaw wap it up again, don't
you know. "-I'oWN Topics.
Coroner Ito young widow whose hus-
band has just been drowned)-"Don't
you think, ma'am, it might do for us to
try and raise the body with Il cannon?
You know that constant firing over the
river seldom fails to raise the body"
Young widow-''Constant firing! o,
dear, no. John would never like that.
He was always distracted by noise of
any kind.
Dr. Holmes "reminiscences of life ut
Phillips Academy, Andover, and the
school recollections of others which
have been evoked by them, confirm the
general opinion that boys were whipped
too much in the good old times. How
ever, rs it is incontrovertible that they
are not whipped enough nowadays, the
thing has been pretty well evened up
Buffalo Courier.