The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-04-15

MERRY CHRISTMAS, COLONED.
''MerrY Christmas be ~" said he in the
same bantering tone "What in three dashes,
two hyphens and an astonisher do you want
here you double dashed and double blanketed
blank to dash and return!!"
The wording here is my own, but it gives
an idea of the way the conversation was
drifting. You can see by his manner that
literary people are not alone in being surly,
irritable and unreasonable.
So humored him and spoke kindly to him
and smoothed down his ruff1ed plumage with
my gay badinage, for he wore shawl and
you can never tell whether man wearing a
shawl is armed or not. 1 give herewith a
view of this chemist as he appeared on the
morning met him.
1t will be noticed that he was man about
medium height, with Clear cut features and
retreating brisket. His hair was dark and
hung in great waves, which seemed to have
caught the sunlight and retained it together
with great many other atmospheric phe-
nomena. He wore straw hat, such as 1
once saw Horace Greeley catch grasshoppers
I'm, on the banks of the Kinnickinnick, just
before he caught small trout.
spent some time with him watching him
as he made his various experiments. Finally
he showed me a new beverage that he had
been engaged in perfecting. 1t was inclosed
in dark brown stone receptacle, and was
held in place by common corn cob stopper.
I took some of it in order to show that con-
6ded in him. l do not remember anything
else distinctly. The fumes of this drink went
at once to my brain, where it had what might
be termed complete walkover.
now have no hesitation in saying that the
duid must have been alcoholic in its nature
for when 1 regained my consciousness was
extremely elsewhere. / found myself on a
road which seemed to lead in two opposite
directions, and my mind was very much con-
fused.
hardly know how got home, but finally
did get there, accompanied by a strong lean
ing toward prohibition. A few days later
received the following letter:
SIR at first thought when / saw you at
my laboratory the other day that you was a
low, inquisitive cuss, and so spoke to you in
harsh tones and reproached you and up
braided you by calling you everything
could Lay my tongue to, but since then have
concluded that you didn't know any better
You said to me that you found my place by
seeing the smoke coming out of the chimbley;
that has given me an idea that you might
know something about what's called smoke
consumer, of which have heard.
/ am doing fair business, but am a good
deal pestered, as you might say, by people
who come in ON me when l do not want to
mingle IN society. A man in the chemist
business cannot succeed if he is all the time
interrupted by Tom, Dick and Harry coming
in on him when he is III the middle of al ex-
pertinent.
am engaged in making a remedy for
which there is a great demand, but its manu-
facture is regarded with suspicion by United
States officials who want TO be considered
Jealous Rather than be drawn into any diff
ficulty with these people, l have always
courted retirement and avoided the busy
haunts of men. Still, some strolling idiot or
other will occasionally see the smoke from my
little home and drop in on me.
Could you find out about this smoke con-
sumner, and see what the price would be, and
let me know as soon as poss:ble9
If you could do so can be of great SER
vice to you. Leave the letter under the big
stone where you found yourself the other day
when you came out of your trance. call it
a trance. because this letter might fall into
the hands of your family. If you will find
out about this smoke consumer and leave the
information where / told you, you will find
on the following day a large jug of mountain
dew in the same place, that viii make your
hair grow and give a roseate hue to your
otherwise gloomy life.
Do not try to come here again 1t might
compromise me. A man in your position
may not have anything to risk, but with me
1t is different. My unsullied reputation is
all have TO bequeath to my childen. Ifyou
come often there viii not be enough of it left
TO 60 around, as have a large family.
If you hear of anybody that wants to trade
a good double barrel shotgun for a small
portable worm ard retort that is too small
for my business, I can give him good trade
on it IL he win let you know. This is good
machine for experimental purposes, and being
no larger than Babcock fire extinguisher it
can be readily conveyed to place of safety
at a very rapid rate
You might say to your friends that we shall
try IN the future as we have in the past to