davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-09-08

talking about. That's a big improve
ment over the old plan, where a fellow
had to hold up lamp-post when he
lost his reckoning and fetched up
against it. Now he gets inside and the
thing holds him up. This is getting to
be great country. '-Ba.falo Courier.
A teacher was endeavoring to find
out the proficiency of her little friends
in mental arithmetic, and took the fol-
lowing method of finding out what she
desired to know: '.Now, children"
she said, suppose / had two SQUASH
pies, and divided one of them into ten
pieces and the other into 100 pieces.
which would you rather have. a piece
of the pie that was divided into ter.
pieces or that cut into 100 pieces?'
There was an absolute hush for mo-
ment, and then little girl answered,
timidly: Zone of the 100 pieces"
s'Why SOP" ''Well, please ma'am, |
don't like squash pie. Boston Bud
get.
The people of New York are not
very sociable, are they? said a West
ern man, addressing an acquaintance
who lived in the East. well, [ don't
know but they are, although they may
be a little peculiar in that respect.
For several years had my office in
very large building on Broadway.
One day fellow came in and asked
if my name was J. w. McFiddleton.
[ told him it was and then, after few
moments's silence, he said: my office
is just across the hall, and ever since
saw your sign several years ago | have
been intending to drop in and see you.
[ am your brother, you know, and
well, how are you getting along, any
way? Yes" continued the Eastern
man, ''they are trifie peculiar, but
after you get in with them you find
them very sociable. "-ArbanSaa0 TraU-
eLey.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-09-08
Never Offers a Cigar.

A well-dressed gentleman at an Al
bany hotel, says the Journal, while
conversing with friend took from his
pocket n cigar and deliberately bit the
end off and lit it without Offering one
to his companion. Noticing the ex-
pectant look in the eve of the latter the
gentleman remarked, Il would offer
you cigar but [ make it a rule never
TO give cigar to anyone. / was
taught a lesson on one occasion which
broke me entirely of the habit of offer
ing cigars to friends | was visiting
in the country an old farmer whom |
had known many years and who was
an lnveterate smoker. He smoked an
old clay pipe that could be discovered
half mile away. One day while Twas
out with him | took from my pocket
very choice Havana cigar which cost
me $40 a hundred at Wholesale and
thought | would crafty the farmer by
giving him decided treat. He took
the cigar but said he wanted to finish
his pipe first and put it in his pocket.
The next day while | was smoking |
asked him if he had smoked that cigar.
To my horror he said he was smoking
it at the time. | discovered that he had
crumpled up my fragrant Havana and
put it in that old clay pipe of his and
was enjoying 1t that way. | was so
disguised that | made up my mind
never to offer another cigar to Il man
in the world. | never have done so
from that day to this-not because [ am
mean but because | do not like to recall
an unpleasant incident"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-09-08
A Queens Privilege.

"The queen regent of Spain" says
the New York Tribune, lis knocking
the blue laws of Spanish etiquette to
pieces at u jolly rate. The other day
She called a meeting of the ministry at
the castle of Aranjuez. When the
statesmen reached the gate of the park
they found the queen and the Princess
Isabel waiting for them. The queen
was in Victoria and the Princess Isa-
bel was in drag and four. The
queen was driving. She invited Senior
Sagasta to take a seat beside her, and
the other ministers were Accommodated
in the drag. On reaching the castle
coffee was brought, and the queen
ordered cigars to be produced as well
and offered to the gentlemen. The
ministers seemed to hesitate. In all
the annals of Spanish history no sub
iect had ever smoked in the presence
of queen. The queen regent, how
ever, gave the command, and the
ministers, like dutiful subjects, obeyed-
Gold-sticks and chamberlains have
been ever since in hopeless despon-
dency."
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-09-08
Th Persian Idea of Christians.

After the usual programme of
questions, they suggest:
Being an Englishman, you are, Of
course a Christian" by viii they
mean that am not mussulman.
Certainly" Ireply; whereupon they
lug me into one of their wine-shops
and tender me glass of raki Ga cor
ruption of ''arrack" raw fiery spirits
of the kind known among the English
soldiers in India by the suggestive
pseudonym of '.fxed bayonets.' y
Smelling the raki, make a wry face
and shove it away; they look surprised
and order the waiter to bring cognac; to
save the waiter the trouble / make
another wry face, indicative of dis
approval, and suggest that he bring
vishner-su.
.sVishner-su!' two or three of them
sing out in a chorus of blank amaze
ment; ''Ingilis? Christian? vishner-
SUP they exclaim, as though such a
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-09-08
Curtin'S Correction.

GOV. Curtin was sitting in the Riggs
house the other day, when a tall, gray
mustached gentleman came in and
said to him confidentially: Governor,
| am the bearer of message from the
governor of North Carolina, who asked
me to transmit to you an invitation to
come up to Chamberlin's with the adj
dition of the famous remark that his
predecessor made to the governor of
South Carolina some years ago"
Thanks" said the governor rising
slowly, <sbut | must correct his history.
Two noble men have had injustice
done them by the repetition of that
remark about the long time between
drinks. 1t wasn't the governor who
said it, but the bishop, and you ought
to give the bishop credit in future. =
Philadelphia Press.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-09-08
Twas a Little Hard for Him.

There is a gentleman in Minneapolis
who is something of a practical joker.
His friends think he devotes three
fourths of his time to devising jokes.
But his victims will be re- d. He
has a small daughter who promises to
be fully as bad in respect to Jokes as
her father. The other day they were
out at the lake. 1t was very dusty and
the wind was blowing. The little 5-year
old went up to her father and said:
Papa, did you wash your eyes out
this morning?"
''Why, yes, of course" answered the
parent, as he removed chunk of dust.
''Well, how did you get them in
again." demanded the infant Mime
dp0tiS Journal.
A bachelor is published in the pa
pers of Porkopolis for having refused
to pay his washer-woman's bill. he
published a card stating that he refused
to pay because she washed all the
white out of his shirts.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-09-08
Wanted Mamma to Know 1t

Little Willie had had the subject of
a new brother OF sister mentioned to
him as probability in the near flu
ture. One morning the nurse called
him and said:
..Willie, here is little sister the an
gels brought you last night
80, let me seei' cried Willie in a
great glee. 1.-The angels never had
any parasols, did they?"
:'Why, what question. Why do
9ou say SOP
Cause, they let her get sun burnt.
She's right red. Take keer, let me by,
quick.
''Where are you going?'
.sGoing TO tell mamma. She don't
know it vet The Colonel.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-09-08
Under Fire.

We went TO the opera while we were
IN Madrid. The Madrid opera house
is one of the finest in the world, and
the performance is nearly always good
Only the best singing will be tolerated
by q Madrid audience, a fact of which
| saw an illustration that was almost
tragic. A young American had come
there, much heralded, and under an
engagement for six nights. She had
already sang one night before | heard
her, and had failed to please. For
this evening another prima donna had
been announced, but she had been
taken i'll, and the American girl uneX-
pectedly appeared in her stead. The
rest OF the company was as good as
could be desired and met with q
hearty welcome. When the American
sang, she was quietly disregarded,
save when, now and then, a distinct
hiss would come from some of the
least fashionable portions of the house.
How [ pitied her as / saw her stand
there, with all those hostile eyes look
ing her over, all that sea of scornful
faces turned toward her! How could
she 90 on? But not to do so would
have been to forfeit her engagement,
and lose all that was her due. Upheld
by | know not what sense of stern
necessity, she steadily sang her part
through. When scene was ap-
plauded, she stood aside, with her pale
face and her set lips, knowing that no
share in the applause was for her.
Not one expression of Spanish APP
proval or encouragement sustained
her from beginning to end. l felt
that no gladiator fighting in an arena
ever displayed more dauntless cour-
age.-C0snaOpOl5tGn.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-09-08
A Pleasant Time.

81 have spent a most delightful
evening, Miss Breezy" remarked
Young Mr.. Waldo, of Boston, who is
in Chicago on business. ITO gentle
man far away from home an hour or
two such as I have just passed is
peculiarly grateful and refreshing"
Thanks, awfully," responded Miss
Breezy.
'sAs it is quite early" went on Mr..
Waldo, Il would be very glad if you
and your mother would so with me
for a dish of ice cream.
Thanks" said the young lady
brightly. i presume mamma is
agreeable, and as for myself. Mr..
Waldo. my mouth is always wide open
s... that sort of thing. ~. Y San.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-09-08

preposterous and unaccountabIe thing
as Christian partaking of non-in-
toxicating beverage like vishner-su is
altogether beyond their comprehen-
sion.-"Ar0und the World on BicucIe.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1887-04-20

Mr. W. \. hayden left Forward s2ao,ooo

Mr.. ". 4. Bayden left Hevvard $4,000
In American colleges 70S students are pre-
pairing for missionaries.
Buildings for nine different colleges are
now going up 10 Wichita, Kan
Mr. William Buckneh has made another
gift OF so 1000 TO Bucknell university.
The Irish Presbyterian churches are build
ine "a $40. 900 school for girls 40 Damascus
A new American college is 20 bee built at
Rome. the present builIing being too ,malL
DR. Christian Biinn. Of New York. will
erect a handsome school building 100 BRENNAN,
Tex
Bishop j. r Hendrix win preach the CONE
mencement sermon at Wesleyan university
600 June
Dr. S.udipr formerly missionary, has
become president ri a japanese educational
institute
Tbe University of the South ha, aol stu
dents from twenty-one state, and five foreign
comtr.-,
Bishop McC.0~sey ha. bought ground on
which % build fine Catholic college in " est
Louisville
Rey George H. Simmu, has almost Sea
cured tue $500 needed f1r Georgetown college
gymnasium
Professor Franz Dihtnch. at the Univer
av of le.p-.r I- ,ail t1 De the best living
Hebrew scholar Hei, 13
The mUmalr. John George eft almost
If. .r.t.r.. ..t.f. fO found ID I.YrIIr. school
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1887-04-20

We demand nothing better than that
tho nress of the State will follow the ex-
annie of the TINES and make a clean
show Of the figures from the books so
that even if there should be no debt set
Element by the commission the people
can see the absolute truth and under
stand that a financial question must be
settled or the true relations between The
real assets and the liabilities.
II is AN in vain Co mako temporary
play for q party on false figures
so disre.pcct to the people who put
forth The figures on behalf Of the State.
But wc want thc people Of Virginia TO
see and they shall see that the revenues
of fhc State are such as TO warrant a
oo;cR hu-inc---Hse settlement of the
debt
The boudholdcr- are NOT NhyIock- and
sncculaiors. They are men who hold the
obligations of the state for The money
that ha. built her public works Ia This
modern aye Of business wo must act en
Just principles or get badly left
IT the state auditors can prove That
wo cam only settle on he Riddlebcrger
Bill let o.. stand 90 That But we cannot
see That such an idea is anything Dur
political game
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1887-04-20

'..... .t...t ,1..,
some New oiN p"f
improvement, iH nHH-'N- arc ""'H
needci l"'s """' l1i..l.,f.i
penalty easy i.e"''". "''N .i'.,.
Electricity ha, Nreh pI"I'7v' j.,
for capital p"ioHl'J,u.' u, ,''' .'' .'.
iuTe consldeie' " qua '' ,''.,,'' ..''
electric battery lot ''e i',''' '',',,
An electrician al liie L.i,o" '''''l'''I7 D."
Pearl street. where eiec'Ilclll l- m"i'',"'
meitor iliumnaiin- PVT o-e,, " "7 .,A'''
how people "l-' u, A''.,'' " NJ -a,I,sa,
ana dl-i'a'' u, t'' ,o't,ar i'm tbe World
. was '''I 49, ,,'.n ronl4 bayrfodo
a D. " ,''''. ''', 1 moment when he was fo
"' ."' noun '''1 f.,i'r;'-l.t.rriima. would
ieate ."e "V'' ,i ''' ,,,l ,,irl- One Don-
O' =" '" ',..l ''o'' nn.i,,ro battery and tbe
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1887-04-20
DRAMATIC AND MUSICAL.

~Blaacc.0 and "farntn may be- among
McCall attractions next SEASON.
Tl. Florence, ssh. drop the ola repertoire
and try something uew next season.
Billy Emerson. of llaserIy smn,trel troupe,
na, SALARY of 500 week. with a priv ate
ar for himself aud wife.
It's sa.d that the wedding ol Charles II.
Hoyt and Flora Walsh wi.l take place al
Charleston, y H., in July
Another American play has failed-the
place, Boston, the author, Edgar Fawcett,
the naue, The Earl, and tue actor, George
Riddle.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1887-04-20

l. Crassett. who has been in China for
eighteen years. writes 20 IA Chicago paper to
say that there Is no better field for the true
philanthropIst than among the deaf mutes Of
northern Asia, where they are most terribly
neglected New York Sun.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1887-04-20

Secretary Whitney progress. with the
navy does not please the Republicans.
There were i've successive Republican
administrations after The close OF thewar,
aud during this period thc navy fell into
such "a state of decay and u,elessness that
the Committee ON Naval Affairs in the
last Congress unanimously reported that
"Our navy is not equal TO what it was in
1866" twas not for lack of money to
keep il up.
But We do not forget the official Jun
ket" that was all and everything the
country had for navy.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1887-04-20

DIR. ROBERTSON.

80 n. Liberty street. Baltimore. 3d.
the well known physician and surgeon. and
the oldest rcIn0.cspccl regular
graduate. u Baltimore cIty.
J. rom ID 1tlr experience boo lUsu.ta. Hud
specla. practice, guarantee permanent con.
100 Hl frhat, Diseases both sexes. skin dis
orders. Blood pOi-Nns. structures. and lII DIS.
eases OF the rnary Organs. Married or SIM
gle men troubled with Organic or Nervous
Weakness, lmpOteucy lo,- az sexual power.
Night Emissions, premature decay. want lf
development, etc.. should not tail t0 c0nst p
the Doctor
Recent or Chronic trethmi Diseases positl
Is cured in 3 "a q days and the poison entire B.
eradicated from the system without the use 1T
Mercury or Caustlcs.
Consultation free and confidential
Special treatment for ladies needing medica.
advice.
Medicines sent 60 any address. Call OF write
NO FLY
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1887-04-20
PAGE MoCARTY'


ADVERTISING RATES
70.
inCh D. m.s 10 10
inch. 81 .c 800
inch . a ,",- $.55.
inch snmys So sGo
inch. y tme. 1900.
i i 5month- s s-
inch. o mo '.'a'' 1000
'"'" BE-
srrosr-
hNIE'ED AT '"'
CLASS MATTER.
..,,
WEDNESDAY, u ''' ~
r,o.,.r,,ip, fact IS pu, forward That
,....i.of america spend S1000000oV
'" ....o,.,l beer
Heh'ey '.'' " ,..,.. 49,,
emf oil 'He IA''''" ,..... ~
five votes l"'' " i;.
were i'i' -.'.''' ''.' ''
aun''.
NJ. y,,l l... found out that the high
IT,. 90, F. very hard 10 work The
.,..,. decentralization
T@......too I'm. exclusion privilege
nh.
Mr. George u Fields. "no succeeds
Judge Warde as ihe editor "i 'Ae ''''''
rct EfJWWu. Will DE- worthy i'l'''
the state and wiu Oh Boz. position weIlu
an respeo.
The L4rdb1g yulnun puts up eN-
Hon. John : Wise as -cintillator That
is good. A lghnng bug may scinuIiaie
i'm spasm0dic hu- of spurious fire and
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1887-04-20

The STATE very properly calls attention
again 90 the fact Chat Malone willappear
again aS the great plomlser
But the difficulty with Bunko Billy 3,
that he has no game now SO Co speak.
tie may steer for the bank, but when
the players come there may Doe mo- bank
m all
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-09-08

THE Baltimore & Ohio was thorn in
the sides of the great Trunk lines. 1t
did not enter into combinations with the
readiness which should characterize a
monopoly. Its telegraph lines threaten
ed to become rival to the Western
Union which had bought up competing
lines before their competition could be
felt. 1t ran its own sleepers and this did
should ever exist between those great
institutions which are intent upon the
peoples good. And so the Baltimore &
Ohio had to be put out of the way. 1t
was to be rather costly job but less SO
than its competition. And so the road
has been bought by Syndicate" which
means the wealthy stockholders in the
other rival lines which show no hesitancy
in forming combinations. Jay Gould's
Western Union is again without compe-
tition and the trunk lines have wiped out
a competitor which refused to work har-
moniously.
And still any such movement in their
own behalf by the laborers of the country
is punishable as conspiracy. There is a
wide difference, apparently, between
consolidation of important interests.
and the boycott. The unprecedented OBJ
server can see but little difference except
in the financial standing of the parties.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-09-08

The convention of German Catholics
at Chicago was very well attended. The
proceedings were not very fully reported
by the city papers Notwithstanding that
the convention attracted great deal OF
attention by reason of its reported hostil-
ity to Irish Catholics. But the addresses
of the officers were rather temperate
The only thing which indicated antipathy
toward the Irish was the address of the
ST. Paul delegate in which he spoke of the
Irish as ignoramuses and the applause
which followed.
The whole proceedings were conducted
in German. A letter was received from
the st. Joseph verein of New Orleans
which was written in English. A dele
gate from Kentucky spoke in opposition
to receiving the letter because of its being
written in English and argued that Ger
man should be the only language recog-
nized. A resolution to amend the con-
stitution SO as to prevent the acceptance
of any report or letter not written in the
German language was referred to the
committee on constitution.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-09-08

1t is an extremely fortunate thing for
the reputation of the old saints that mod
ern research cannot reach them. The
10Th century seems to be the age of image
breakers and long cherished notions have
been swept away by the tide of investiga-
ton. Poor Macmillan, the unfortunate
prince whom Louis Napoleon placed upon
an unstable throne in Mexico, is now
shown up in the light of man who fear
ed death so much that he was willing to
purchase life at any cost. Letters have
been unearthed showing the poor mans
weakness. 1t is not strange he should
!. thns affected. With but few friends
b..;,. ,--ntry and having such
merciless enemies as the Mex -
imilian might face death bravely under
different circumstances.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-09-08

SENATOR INGALLS,, in an article in The
Forum makes strong plea against I'M
restricted immigration and is particularly
bitter against the politicians who foster
spirit of clannishness. He says the un-
desirable class of immigrants "are well
coined upon the strand with tumultous
waving of the star spangled banner, with
perpetual Fourth of July, with continu-
GUS Yankee Doodle and Hail Columbia,
Happy Land with the tender of the bal
lot and quarter section of the public
domain, before they can speak the Ian
guage or distinguish the difference be-
tween the Constitution of the United
States and the Proverbs of Solomon"
But they can vote and to the party man
this Is nature which hides multitude
Of sins.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-09-08

P. J. SMALLEY in his paper expresses
the opinion that the whipping post should
be revived for the punishment of wife
beaters A very wise suggestion. There
is not more cowardly villain on earth
than the man who strikes his wife. Such
man should be stuck into the pillory
after punishment at the whipping post.
The idea of wife's being personal prop
erty, sort of chattel, carries with it the
belief that the husband may maltreat her
with impunity. The wife beater should
not be tolerated in any community. He
is meaner than horse thief "a sneaking
cOwardly villain.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-09-08

THERE seems to be a little reaction in
the iron mines up the range. Miners to
the number OF 500 have struck for their
wages. The strike is among work
men in some of the largest mines and
there seems to be abundant cause for it,
as the men have not been paid for the
last two months and only short time
previously they had trouble in getting
what was due them. A report was put
in circulation that John E. Burton had
made an assignment, but this is untrue,
as he has valuable real estate which gives
him quite a rent roll. 1t is thought
money will be raised soon and the men
maid
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-09-08
SPEAKER CARLISLE intends to do sor

SPEAKER CARLISLE intends to do some
campaign work in Ohio but says he has
no capacity to discuss the questions of
twenty years ago. How are republicans
going to meet the arguments of this
scholarly politician? The fustian oratory
of political campaigns is becoming stale.
1t gets little seasoning occasionally so
that it becomes palatable for brief per-
iod. The war issues have been doing
service so long that they are tiresome,
but the republican party still insists upon
"harping upon my daughter" How will
Carlisle's discussion of living issues be
received?
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-09-08

THE railroad companies, it is said, have
checkmated Secretary Lamar's order
opening certain railroad lands to pre-
emptlon rights. The companies fearing
such an order would be made, sold the
lands to some pine barons before Lamar's
order was issued and now hope to have
their action legalized by paying the gov
eminent the entry price 81. 25 per acre.
The corporations have been running the
country for so long time that they can
not accustom themselves to the idea
that the government is superior to them.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-09-08

THAT portion of the proceedings OF the
German Catholic convention at Chicago
which relates to the Knights of Labor is
spicy reading. A Mr.. Mitch of st. Paul
in speaking of the bad influences OF the
Knights of Labor, stated that "the entire
order is governed by Irishmen and that
Germans ought to consider it disgrace
to be ruled by Irish ignoramuses." The
remarks were received with applause
The convention viii probably result IN
the precipitation of war of nationalities
with Brother Jonathan as umpire.