davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1887-12-01
ODD FORMS OF ENGLISH.
An Amusing Collection of Verbal Bulls and
Blunders.

Blunders.
Curious ways Of expressing ideas in
English may be expected from foreign
ers, as, for instance, when the French
man, who paid call to this country
and was about to be introduced to Il
family, said: "Ah, re ladies! Zen
would before, if you please, wish to
purify mine hands and to sweep mine
hair
But the various nationalities of the
British isles are sometimes not whit
behind in verbal bulls and blunders,
and in what may generally be de-
scribed as odd ways of putting things.
1t is said that when Constable's aunt
was dying the good, deaf old lady said:
''Anne, if Ishould be spared to be taken
away hope my nephew will get the
doctor to open my head and see if any
thing can be done for my hearingn
A Paisley publican was complaining of
his servant-maid that she could never
be found when required. She'll gang
oot o the house." said he, "twenty
times for ance IL come in." Itmust
have been relative of his who aroused
her servant at four o'clock with:
Come, Mary, get up. Here tis Mon
day morning, tomorrow is Tuesday,
the next days Wednesday-half the
week gone and nothing done yet"
Taffy often plays amusing pranks
with the Queens English. A Welsh
landlord, who for some time had been
annoyed by an obstreperous guest,
walked across the room to him, and,
striking the table with his fist, shouted
very volubly: You haf kick up a row
all day here tonight! We was not in
terfere with you. do we? Efery man
here mind his own pizness; yes, by
Jing! no!
Pat. of course, is proverbial for his
eloquent, if rather novel and puzzling
ways of putting things. A retired army
surgeon in the north of Ireland had a
humorous experience of this when often
visited by the neighboring peasants.
who were anxious TO avail themselves
of his good nature and professional
skill. One applicant for relief described
himself as having "a great bilin' in his
troat, and his heart was rs if ye had it
in yer hand and was squeezin' at it. !"
PHASE, yer honor, whined barefooted
woman, '.fm in great disthress. / fell
down yesterday and broke five of my
ribs, an, for the blessing of God, could
ye spare me trihe?' Another patient
said: "Savin' yer bonor's presence, me
stomach has gone to the wesht of me
ribs" A traveller being on the box Of
an Irish mali coach on Every cold day,
and observing the driver enveloping his
neck in the voluminous folds of an
ample comforter" remarked: You
seem to be taking good care of your
self, my friend" 20. to be sure / am,
sir,'' answered the driver; what's all
the world to man when his wife's a
wildly" y?"-Chambers journal.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1887-12-01
hear of it! Good heavensr' thought


Mr.. Whiskers.
MIR. Whiskers went to his office after
the board next day with some trepida-
ton. The street, however, was as
| usual. There were clerks and idlers
and brokers and loafers in only the
usual quantity. He sat down and
dived deep into business with some
gentlemen. For fifteen minutes the
consultation continued. Then Mr..
Whiskers heard sound that made his
heart stand still.
1t was the most unearthly racket that
ever turned to turmoil city street.
1t was whole procession. The street
was jammed and the street was roar
ing with laughter. The whole earth
seeming to be tweedling and footing
and banging and squealing Sweet
Violets." Like holiday turnout the
procession was:
Eight organ grinders abreast Air, Sweet
violets"
Four hurdy-gurdys, large. Air. 'Sweet vio-
let's"
g.
Italian tenors, three. "Air, ''Sweet violets."
Three little German bands Ten-foot spaces.
Air, "Sweet Violets.''
Members of civic societies, not in uniform;
brokers, clerks, loafers, bankers, etc. Air,
Sweet Violets"
The matinee concert, which took all
the paint from the front of his build
ing, turned Mr.. Whiskers to pallid,
ashen agony. They went away un-
needed. He sat for hours alone in his
office weary and sore from the futile
efforts to kick himself which had nearly
broken both his legs.
One thing was fortunate. Mary
heard not word of it all. He hur-
ried her away to Old Point Comfort be-
fore it could possibly reach her, and
they fell in love over again down there.
At present they are one of the cosiest
young couples in town. She has been
sorely tempted at times to maliciously
hum-just hum-a certain song in his
hearing. but she is too kind-hearted to
do it, and besides she is mortally sure
she would laugh. She is quite certain,
however, that her husband will never
sing it again rs long as he lives. IN
Y Times
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1887-12-01
Truthful Thomas.

Tom Anjerry, student at the Uni
versity of Texas, was brought up as o
witness before an Austin justice of the
peace.
Il desire to remind you that You are
under oath, and if you make any false
statement you will render yourself
liable to be prosecuted for perjury"
said the justice, severely. This threat
of the justice made considerable impres.
sion on Anjerry.
What is your name7''
Thomas Jefferson Anjerry."
"You are a student at the Univer-
sity?'
yes
"What do you studyg
.Nothing. n-Teras Sittirgs.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1887-12-01
Won't Have a Show.

1t was very late and Brown was steer
Ing Robinson homeward.
What viii You say to your wifep"
Brown asked.
mot a (hic) word" said Robinson.
why not?'
II won't have (hic) chance. ~,
7. Sun,
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1887-12-01

"A woman waiting for train in
New Haven Conn railway station the
other day had eight eross-eyed children
with her.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1887-12-01

Grasses and clover do best on a
rather firm soil having a fine surface,
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1887-04-15

AEIRGINIA-IN VACATION.-In the
g Clerks Office of the Circuit Court of
Augusta County, March 24th, 1887.
J. F. Templeton, Plaintiff.
vs.
A. G. Culton, VIII Culton, J. B. Culton,
Mary s. Culton, J. W. Culton, - Binder
and Eva j. Binder his wife (nee Culton), D.
Bashaw, Trustee, E. A. Brooks, Defendants.
In CHANoERY.
The object of this suit is to subject the
real estate of A. G. Culton, W. Fl. Culton, J. B.
Culton, Mary S. Culton, J. W. Culton, -
Binder and Eva J. Binder his wife, (nee
Culton), to sale, for the payment of the liens
binding same.
1t appearing by affidavit filed that the said
- Binder and Eva J. Binder his wife,
(nee Culton, and J. w. Culton, are non-resi-
dents of this State, it is ordered that they do
appear here within one month after due pub
LEGATION of this notice and do what is necessa-
ry to protect their interests.
Teste,
J. N. RYAN, Clerk.
Hudson d Patrick. mvr25 at
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1887-04-15
USE THE BEST!
5? QyEB RAKER'S
PREPARATIONS.
BE CAREFUL. MOTHERS.

BE CAREFUL, MOTHERS.
Some Worm Medicines kill worms, also the child.
Give. your little ones Stonebraker's Worm Syrup,
purely Vegetable, and endorsed by every class and
profession at the best remedy known In constant
demand for nearly so years. Price, z5eents
HOUSE WIVES.
What will become of the poor tired. overworked
broken down men and women of this age? Well II
you will listen moment we will tell you, they Will
eventually die; SO will we ALL, But many have and
and proong their lives by the timely use OF Stone
braker'S Blood and Liver COrrectOr. 1t brings back
the fresh rudy % Of youth Ito to the Ie
elasticity to the step that pa nly tells you you are
not yet ready for the grave. Sold in all the Drug
Stores and by dealers generally at 81 per bottle.
DON'T WASTE YOUR MONEY
Experimenting with Plasters, Oils etc. but for
Rheumatism, Scalds, Burns, Neuralgia, Headache
Backache. or any bodily pain, use Stonebraker's
mand greater to-day than ever. Price Is cents.
STONEBRAKER'S COUGH SYRUP.
Stonebraker's Cough Syrup has attained degree
of excellency far beyond any other preparations OF
Coughs. Colds, Hoarseness and all Lung troubles.
Is cents. Established lS49.
STONEBRAKER'S hog POWDERS.
Not one of my customers lost hog from hog
used Stonebraker's Hog Powders; they will save
the people thousands. Respectfully, G. S BRUCE,
Wst va bss get sonebrker
Hog Powders now; this is the very time to iced
them to your hogs-they prevent as well as cure.
You know that Stonebraker's preparations are as
good as gold, then don't delay but ask any mer-
chant for Stonebraker's Hog Powders and take no
other. rs cents.
STONEBRAKERS CHICKEN POWDERS.
Stonebraker's Chicken Powders makes the hens
law prevent and all diseases which the featn-
cred tribe liable to- 81 years in constant demands
they are the only Chicken Powders in the world,
There are many limitations called chicken food,
&c, but Stonebraker'S Chicken Powders are the
old reliable. Now is the time to use them. The
colder the weather the more good they VIII oo
your poultry
THE HORSE.
Courageous in battle docile in peace, he is really
mans most useful and faithful friend. He has been
closely allied and prominently identified with all
our enterprises and interests from time immemo-
rial. His noble beauty and gallant manners make
him the most beautiful of all Gods four-footed
creatures His services in the advancement OF
civilization should endear him to the heart Of all
who love liberty and justice His life and health is
solely dependent upon the mercy and compassion
at his owner, and though sometimes cruelty beaten
and shamefully starved, he endures without
murmur. yet recognizes the hand that shows MN
1hercy His patience, forbearance, fidelity and
gentleness convince us that he appreciates our
kindness and is more submissive than our own
children.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1887-04-15

COMMISSIONERS OFFICE.
" STAUNToN, VA, March "a, 1887,
In the chancery cause in the Hastings Court of
the City of Staunton under the style of Miller, M
E.. VS.. Coleman, S. E., and ais, all parties, plain
tifs and defendants therein, and all persons whom
soever interested therein, are hereby notified that
in pursuance of an order entered in said cause at
September term, 1886, shall at my Office in Staun.
ton, on
Wednesday, the 9th day of April, 1887,
proceed to take state and settle an account show
ing:
lst. An account of the amount and location of
all the lands in the city of Staunton or county Of
Augusta, owned by the defendants Samuel E.
Coleman and Eliza A. Coleman, or either of them
I'd. An account of all the liens binding the said
lands, together with their several amounts and the
order of their priority.
Sd. An account showing the fee simple and an
nual rental value of all said lands and of each
tract separately.
4th Any other matters deemed pertinent BY the
Commissioner. or that may be required to be sta
ted by any of the parties in interest
SAM'L S. SMELTZER
mar25 At Commissioner,
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1887-04-15
T'HE VALLEY MUTUAL LIFE AsSocIA-
Il TTION OF VIRGINIA.. 81

The largest and the leading Life Asso ,iation in
the South. Nearly one million OF dollars paid in
cash to the families of deceased members.
7 = heapness of its plan is demonstrated by the
experience of those who are insured. In nlustra-
tion of this fact we take policy No, 8, held by Mr.
W. P Tams, Cashier Augusta National Bank
S7aunton, Va. Policy issued September 23d, 1873,
$1,000, consequently it has shared every cost that
has. come against the company. Theentire cost to
Mr.. Tams in eight years and 81 months, Member
ship Fee, ANIMALS. 'and Mortality payments, has
been but $7o44 or an average annual cost of 1928.
At the date Of Ibis insurance Mr.. Tams was q
years ol ase.s ,EaGcMQE ,SSsssst Es
A policy OF even amount and date in one OF the
most popu ar Old Line companies on the ordinary
life plan payable at death only would hayecost
him 1872. Is s2l5Q per year. saving OF sl2zsI in
favor of the Valley Mutual. essst
Theories are easily advanced and jealous rivals
abound IN them, but facts cannot be- refuted.-
First class agents can get liberal contracts by APP
plying to essA
aS Z. L. EDMUNDSDN,
=e&s+ Secretary & GenI Agt.
mars tt staas-vn, Va.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1887-04-15
France to Dig Up the Delphic Temple.

France to Dig Up the DeIphic Temple.
The French government has at last sue
ceeded in obtaining leave from the Greek
government to search at Delphi for remains
of the temple which stood there. 1t is sup
posed that there are priceless treasures buried
in the ground. There was no sanctuary to
which so many valuable presents were made
as to the Delphic one, and next to that of
Olympus it was the most important in Greece.
For long course of centuries the soil has not
been disturbed Comte de Mony, who is an
enthusiastic lover of classic antiquity and an
archeologist began, when he was minister at
Athens, negotiations which have been ended
keen rival in the American representative at
Athens, where there is now an American as
well as a French school-Chicago Herald.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1887-04-15

svTIRGINIA-IN VAOATION.-In the Clerks
Office of the Circuit Court OF Augusta Co.,
March oath, 1887.
John Fl. Dollhouse. Plaintiff.
VS..
Jacob Coffrnan, W. N Bradley, Trustee. James
M Frost W. J. Nelson, Trustee, and Rebecca
Coiner. Defendants.
,,,e,rv -
The object OF this suit is to subject the estate OF
Jacob Cofman to sale for the payment OF the Hons
binding same.
1t appearing by affidavit filed that the said James
Frost is nonresident of this State, 1t IS oroer
ed that he do.appear here within one month aIper
due publication of this notice and do what Is nee
esSary-to protect his interest. -
T. esstlss STeste, ss-a 81 W.. -
Hudson s Patrick, p.q, - mar25 At
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1887-04-15
When Victoria Was Radiant.

At her latest drawing room the queen
looked contented, and beamed placidly at
every one over the kohfnoor, which blazed at
her throat. Her complexion was radiant.
She looked as though she might outlive she
Prince of Wales who showed sickly coun-
tenanca as he stood by.-London Letter
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1887-04-15
4
a9netrg*
At Last.

When on my day OF lite the night is falling;
And in the winds from unsunned spaces
blown,
| hear far voices out OF darkness calllng
My feet to paths unknown.
Thou who hast made my home OF life so
plea SAINT, g.
Leave not its tenant when its walls decay.
o love divine. o Helper ever present,
Be thou my strength and stay!
Be near me when all else is from me drifting,
Earth, sky, homes pictures days OF shade
ana shine,
And kindly faces to mine own uplifting
The love which answers mine.
Ihave but thee. o Father! Let thy Spirit
Be with me, then, to comfort and uphold;
No gate Of pearl, no branch of palm, merit;
Nor street of shining gold. - 3
Suffice it if-my good and i'll unreckoned,
And both forgiven through thy Astounding
grace
1 find myself by hands familiar beckoned
Unto my fitting place.
Some humble door among thy many mansions,
Some sheltering shade where sin and striving
cease,
Aud flows forever through heavens green
expansions
The river Of thy peace
There from the music round about me stealing
fan would learn the new and holy song,
And find, at last. beneath thy tree of healings
The life for which long.
-Whittier.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1887-04-15

Highest degree Of quality insures
lowest cost and best work.
The price per gallon higher, but
quantity needed is less than if any
other paints were used.
Any building that is not satisfaeto-
rily painted with it, or upon which its
use has not cost less than if other
paints had been used, will be reprinted
at our expense. For sale by
HUGHES & ROBINSON, Sole Agts.,
Staunton, Va.
april ON
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1887-04-15

CUPERB LIVERY II desire to announce to nv
y friends and the public generally that have
now one of the most complete and thoroughly
Fast and stylish teams. single or double; First
rate saddle-horses; Carriages which for comfort
and elegance cannot be surpassed with careful
and polite drivers, can be secured at all times day
or night, at reasonable prices.
Baggage delivered or called for at any point in
the city, and carefully handled.
am prepared to offer SPECIAL INDUCEMENTS to
travelling men. Horses boarded by the day. week.
month at reasonable rates, and the very best at
tention guaranteed.
will give my personal attention and assistance
to any one leaving horses at my stable to sell them
to the best advantage.
Give me call and you shall not go away disap-
pointed. ALEX HARTMAN,
marlS StauntOn, Va.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1887-04-15
InvaIids' Hotel and Surgical Institute

StaH of Eighteen Experienced and Skill.
fui Physicians and Surgeons.
ALL CHRONIC DISEASES A SPECIALITY
Patients treated here or at their homes. Many
successfully as if here in person. Come and
see US, or send ten cents in. stamps for our
lnvads' Gude-Book," which gives all partic-
ulars. Address: WORLDS DISPENsARY MEDI-
CAL ASSOCIATION, 663 Main St., Buffalo, NY.
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1887-04-15

NIRGINIA-IN VACATION.-In the Clerks
Office Circuit Court of Augusta County,
March 81, 1887.
Louisa A. Hart
vs.
>, Richard Hart, A. G. Brown. John Arehart John
7. Arehart, an infant over IA years OF age, Mary
L. Arehart. an infant under IA years OF age, John
Bright and James Bright, and also any other chill
dren of Hannah Jane Bright. DECD, the names aud
residences of whom are unknown.
In CHANCERY.
The object of this suit is to partition the lands of
Jacob Hart, decd, which were assigned to his wi
dow for dover, the said widow being now dead.
1t appearing by affidavit filed that John Bright
and James Bright, and also any other children of
Hannah Jane Bright. decd the names and reSden
ces of whom are unknown, are non residents of this
Stare 1t is ordered that they do appear here
within one month after due publication of this no.
tice and do what is necessary to protect their in
tereSt. Teste-
BRAXTON, p. q. j. N. RYAN, Clerk.
ap1-4t
Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1887-04-15

TT j. LUSHBAUGH g. BRO,
LIZ VS..
THE STAUNTON FEMALE SEMINARY g.
AIS.
All parties interested in the foregoing cause in
chancery, pending in the Circuit Court of Augusta
county, are hereby notified that have fixed upon
Monday, the 18th day of april, 1887,
at my office in Staunton, Va to take the accounts
required by decree entered in said cause on the
l4th day of March. 1887. At which time and place
they are required to attend without further notice.
JOHN W. STOUT,
mar25 At Commissioner.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1887-10-20
DENISON ATTIRE.
A Day OF Excitement at the Gate
City-A Baby's Life Saved by
an Intelligent Brute.

A Day OF Excitement at the Gate
City-A Baby's Life Saved by
an Intelligent Brute.
DENIsoN, October l9.-[Speolal. i
Denison was fired with enthusiasm yes
terday, the great show and its trains be-
ing the cause. Doris Il Colvin's nine
tented shows took the town by storm.
Fred O'Maley, agent OF the Central rail-
road, said TO your correspondent that
the cars used by Doris & Colvin are
equal to three times the number used
by any other show in the state, their
average length being 20 feet.
The parade today has never been
equslled here; IL was revelation In Its
way. The performances are too varied
to permit OF description, and are the
best ever seen here. The show gives
triple circus, a fifty-csge mensgerie, a
Roman hippodrome and new Wild
West with Captains Bogardus and
Stubs as crack shots. Bogardus drove
out OF town this afternoon and enter
tanned friends at a private shoot. He
will do the same at San Antonio on
November II, when the big show will
exhibit. there. One Of the elephants.
while In parade, picked child up In
its trunk and set 1t on the sidewalk.
The baby would otherwise have been
trampled upon. The young one is the
only child of one of our leading mer-
chants. The nurse, mulattO girl, had
momentarily forgotten her charge, gaZ-
ing at the parade.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1887-10-20
ALLEGED MURDER AT SEA.
Committed Upon the "ComaI," Hay
ing on Board Several Promi-
nent San AntonianS.

Committed Upon the "ComaI," Hay-
ing on Board Several Promi-
nent San Antonians.
The Mallory line steamer "Comal,"
which has been delayed, arrived yester-
day from New York, and among the
passengers were Dean Richardson, Mrs.
Belknsp, Miss Kate Robbins, and other
well known San Antonians. On arrival
it was reported that a "coal passer,'
named John Ii. Graham, had died OF
overhead and cramps. This was, OF
course, accepted as correct, but at night
a companion named Riley went before
Commissioner SPAIN and made affidavit
charging w. r. Mccullough, chief engi-
neer Of the steamer, with murder. He
alleges that when four days out, Ora
ham complained that he was sick and
unable to work. The chief engineer
came In, and. finding him lying down,
became angered and securing shovel
full of live Goals from the engine fire he
threw them over the deceased, saying,
"I'll wake you up" He then beat and
abused him. Within a quarter of an
hour from the assault Graham was dead
and his body was buried at sea within
twelve hours run OF Galveston.
Mr.. Cullough, and five witnesses were
arrested and jailed. Mr.. Cullough de-
MES emphatloally the accusation made
by Riley, but the matter will be care.
fully Investigated. The burial OF the
corpse at sea. however, removed an i'm
portant and uncontrovertable witness.
San Antonio daily light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1886-1907, 1887-10-20
SID" THE ELEPHANT STAR I!
The jolly Little Trick Pachyderr
With Sells Brothers Circus.

The jolly Little Trick Pachyderm
With Sells Brothers Circus.
1.-The cutest little cuss / ever saw ~ is
what Mark Twain said after witnessing
the antics Of Sells Brothers abbreviated
clown elephant, "Sid," whose remark
able exhibition of brute culture has been
the talk Of every town that the Sells
show has visited. "Sid" is a natural
born-comedian, and early in life showed
signs OF the talent that has now been so
thoroughly developed. All twO-legged
saw-dust testers now accord him the
championship belt for olowning. Under
the skillful direction of his human COM
peer, Lew" Sunlin, "Sid' does clog
dance, rides bicycle, eats a meal-and
"thumps" the landlord when called Up.
on TO liquidate, plays soldier, gives i'm
itatlOns Of dude, priZe-fighters and po-
licemen. "Sid" and Sunlin wind up.the
act with genuine fOur.round boxing
bout, In accordance with the rules pro-
mulgated by the famous Marquis OF
QueeHsbury. A referee, seconds, time
keeper, bOttle-hOlders, and other real
istic accessories are brought into requi-
sitiOn. A glove is attached to the end Of
"Sid's" trunk, while Sunlin dous a pair
OF the mitteus. At the call of "time,"
they smash away at each other to the
infinite delight OF the spectators. A real
Knockout contest invariably takes place,
unless the police forbid "slugging.n In
that deplorable event, the combatants
spar for scientific points" only. For the
sake Of the local devotees of the manly
art, 1t is to be hoped that the strong arm
Of the law will not interfere with the
contest here