The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1887-07-30
"an' he were . brave knight then; but let

Marmion, riding forward, an twere moi
for his hoary heard the hand Of Marmior
had not spared"
"Ratsr' said l, "snd ohsstr uts! Give u,
. rest. But really. gentlemen | added
seriously, 'you just take the advice Of one
Of Uncle Sans most devoted admirers and
let him alone IfyOu 80 to c reering around
IN Uncle Sans country, the first thing you
know you'll get licked"
"None truer and drawer than this our full
band of knights" said the imperious Front
de Scout, "hers's Msrmion, and Ivanhoe
and Rhoderick Dhu, and the brave DeBracy
and"
"Uncle Sans pretty bracy, too" ven
tured to observe.
cease thy gatherings, fool" said several
knights in concert. | presume was the
individual referred to, so kept still.
And De Bracy,' continued Front de
Boeuf, "and Fitz James, and many more OF
the brave and true. What say you, gallants!
Can this boastful knight Uncle Sam conquer
ye alp
mo! mol" went up the shout, ITO arm
and TO horse! UP GALLANTs."
And so they started, the poor, cOnceited
deluded idiots. to storm the castle of that
great and mighty knight called Uncle Sam
Started, like Johnny Bull did twice; started
as did Mexico, and like the Southern State,
started, like every little while some blasted
fool does start to conquer Uncle Sam. They
got out their galleys and loaded them with
all their baggage and their outfits, put il
their horses and their slaves and attendants
and ali the ancient arms with which they
were going to conquer the earth. Alas, they
never heard Of dynamite bombshells, anG
had never been introduced to Uncle Sam S
eating guns.
They landed on the Pacific coast, and un
loaded their train onto dry land, and as they
formed their procession stood by and asked
questions. asked them why they didn'
put some pig iron onto the horses, lest they
might get dizzy headed at the sight of those
plumes, and 90 up for want of ballast
also enquired what was the matter will
buying the whole crowd emigrant tickets for
the efete East, but they didn't know what
meant at all. They all put on their gayes
equipage, and the procession proceeded
Presently l got into conversation with q
knight | said:
"Say what is the good of having any
knights, anyway? What's the coed of all
your tournaments and tits, and all that
anyhow? Why don't you all go to work and
earn an honest living"
What" said he; "this to me" II thought
he was going TO cut me up right there
"Blaspheme not the ancient and noble Or
der of Knighthood. We do no work. That is
for slaves and vassals. We are noble free.
born knights"
"Ye APP" said l. 81 spose 50, but Uncle
Sam don't think work is low and mean. He
thinks it noble, and be set all his slaves
free, and everyone gets paid for his work. u
All this was way beyond the knights They
couldn't understand about i, at all.
The calvacade proceeded during the first
day without any adventures or mishaps.
The country was open and they didn't meet
anyone. They spent the most of their time
discussing the coming combat, and telling
what terrible things they would do to the
knight Uncle Sam when they caught him.
When it came evening they halted at the
ranch of cattleman, and proceeded TO de-
mand, at the point of the lance, the shelter
and refreshment that they needed, This
was knightly justice and was noble, but the
cowboys weren't cultivated and couldn't see
it that way. Trent de Boeuf rode up to the
door of the hut where six or eight cowboys
sat smoking. He shook his crested helmet,
and his long plume waved in the breeze He
said:
Good brothers, here are at thy gate noble
guests. We givee the opportunity to show
your hospitality. Bestir ye, and provide
good things for those who honor you with
their presence"
The cowboys dropped their pipes and
gazed at the knight for moment with their
mouths open. Then they looked at each
other and commenced to laugh.
"W-well, I'll be goILDARNED." said one.
"What is it," ask ed another.
Where did it come from inquired
another.
Guess 1t must be a game chicken, said
another. "Looket its comb an spurs
"NIust be over growed cockroach,' OBJ.
served another. "Looket its shell, It's got
the most blamededest beak ever see on any
thin in my life"
Come, haste We knaves'' said the knight,
impa'ienrly 'Bestire ye, or by the Holy
Rood you shall feel the point of my good
lance"
Jimmy observed one Of the cowboys.
There a man right in that thing"
can he says" observed another, "he
says that eff we doent git him some grub
he'll poke that there ramrod through Us. "
"Well, = by - GOSH" circulated a third,
and they all laughed uproarously"
"Come!" said the knight angrily, "Bestir
aronoa hooa ow;potO WIKI tho, ba