Morning journal and courier., 1887-10-01
LOW ER.

It is not every bicycle rider who can low CT the record, but it is poor bicycle that cannot lower the Philadelphia Call.
 A Minneapolis landlady has been fined $10 for skipping her hired girl. We will make one of ten to pay that woman's fne.-Puck.
 English as She Is Spoke.-Edith-"Y ought to read this book of Howells' ma. It's so real. I never saw anything like it."- Life.
 els Smith much of botanists" ooh, fair. He runs to trees too much, though" "Wen, don't blame him. I'm afraid of COWS my self. f."-Burlington Free Press.
 Politeness -Professor-FtWhat is your opinion concerning Casar's plans just before his deaths'' Student-"Oh entirely agree with your views, professor. Hose Blatter.
 The following, under Situation Wanted" :" in the World, seems a little odd: First-olass cook, understands three kinds of cooking, English and German, in nobleman's family where a kitchenmaid is kept.
 Guest (to landlord)-'I say, landlord, have you got such thing as an encyclopaedia about the house?' Landlord-stNo, sir, we have not; but there is gentleman from Boston in he reading room."-Harper's Ba- gar.
 Timid tourist-''Say, eap'n, this boat seems very shaky; was anybody ever lost in he1?'' Boatman-.'Not ter my knowledge. There
  day, but we found them all the next high tide. Life.
 s'But you look young and vigorous" "Of course I am," replied the mendicant. If I wasn't, do you suppose I could go hobbling about with my back doubled up in this fash ion9 Without youth and vigor 8 man couldn't stand it half day."-Boston Tran script.
 70 mammal" exclaimed little Edith, run nil inf nf "there's going to be marriage deception over to Mrs. Uppum's this evening"" "Mar- riage deceptionl H'm! what ridiculous blum ders children do make solnetimesr'-Bostou Transcript.
 s'What caused the fall of Adamf' said the Sunday school teacher to Timothy, who had signed the pledge the day previously. "Drink and baccy, marm, replied the SIX year old child as he turned Up his pale blue eyes to- ward the good la3y's careworn visage. That lad was not given ticket for the school treat.-Fun.
 He felt relieved-''R Remember, Robby," said his mother, "when you are about to do something you know to be wrong that, al though l may not see you, there is one who by anxiously. "God." "Oh," said Bobby, with a look of relief, '1 thought you meant pa. a."-New York Sun. First New Yorker-t'I should think col ored base ball team would be very forlnid- able" Second New Yorker-"Why so?" s'Well, as general thing the colored folks have monopoly of the whitewash business" :" 'sThat's so; wouldn't it be good idea for New York to put a negro team in the field next year9" s'It would, it would. ."-Texas Siftings.
 ESQ.," remarked a hoary- headed sage, 'you think you have in your brain an invention that will rsvolutionize the carrying trader" "I trow I have," replied the ambitious youth "Well," said the h. h. S., t'learn a lesson from the hen. When she lays an egg she straightaway cackles until the whole farm knows it." "And then?" said the giddy youth Somebody comes and takes away the egg" And the g. y. looked serious and made memorandum in his note book. I-Rrooklyn Eagle.
 The shades of ght were falling fast s s through Park Place a Yankee passed Shouting as though he'd had gorge Of Bunker Hill and Valley Forge, The way was long, the wind was cold, A Scotchman in kilt quite old Took from his sneeshin-mull pinch, And said, ''Weel lads, she didna finch, The Thussle.'' New York Journal.