The Irish standard., 1887-10-15
!. WANTED TO NEIGHBoR.

WAN ~ lNkA\@i1A@Sits
Modest Demands of Woman Who Bo-
| lieved i'll Welcoming Newcomers.
| We moved on the first Of the month
into neighborhood in which we
found ourselves among strangers. We
had been informed by our landlord,
however, that we would find the peo-
pie "sociable and neighborly in the
! vicinity of our new home. This we
found to be true, and we record our
experience, that those who read it
may arm themselves with shot-guns
or other weapons Of defense, should
they contemplate coming into our
neighborhood.
| We hadn't unpacked our goods yet,
when a long, lank, sallow woman
climbed over the back fence and came
shambling into the house without OBJ
serving the polite custom Of first ring
ing the bell.
"I'm Mis- sary Ann Beggsgs,'' she
said by way Of formal Introduction. II
thought Id come right in an, git ac-
quantcd tust off an let you know I
was wilEn' to neighbor with you. If
they's any thing lido jes natchelly love
it's to loeighbor with folks, an liked
your looks the minnjt I seed you. L
ain got but q minnit to stay; thought
you might feel more to home if you
had an introduce to some Of your
neighbors an knowed they was willin'
to neighbor with you. Pm wil]n' to
neighbor with anybody that's decent.
But must hurry home. I just brung
a ter-eup along. thinlzin' mebbe [
could horry it full Of coffee. I'm jest
out an hadn' t nobody to send for any.
Tn short Of sugar, too, an If you
could spare me q tin cup full I'd Lo
bleeged to you. You see I'm jest that
neighborly I come right in to borry Of
you fust thing"
My wife got the woman the things
she wanted and she cleared out after
saying for the nineteenth time that she
''caIlated on neighborin' with lis right
along" Before night she vaulted
lightly over the fence and came in
again.
.Here [ am agin," she said, cheerily.
stIhought mebbe you'd be lonesome
'thout no one to neighbor with. I
found myself short O. tea for supper
an thought I'd run i'll an sec how you
was gittin' on, an neigl1tor with you
some more. My flour bar'l played out
to-day, an / ain t had time to 60 down
town an order another, so if you'll fill
this bag with -four I'll be 'blceged.
Amt got any number forty white
thread, have you? Yes? Well, I'd
like 10 borry your spool, and if you'll
Jest stick Il needle or Two in with it I'd
like it. Ain't got no bread baked,
have you? A half Il loaf is all I need,
and il YOU could let NE have the loan
OF butter enough to go with it it'd be d
favor
The meek little wife gave the neigh
Dor" all she wanted, and she struck q
bee line for home. We we're eating
our supper when the lank female ap-
pearctl agein.
my man wants to neiGhbor with
you, too. He's bout the size OF your
man. We're goin' to a ball Tonight
and if you'd loan him some dancin'
boots and a white vest he'd be thank
full ( brung this cup for a little salt;
aud
Al old shotgun of mine was in q
corner. picked it up and said coldly
and cruelty, and in dead earnest:
"You clear out! And don You ever
come back while you live We're not
in the neishboring business at present.
Avaunt!'
She avaunted-and the next day she
circulated a report throughout the
town to the effect that she had caught
me whipping my wife; that I had been
in States prison; that Twas half negro;
that our children had been III the re"
form school; that our furniture was
mortgaged; that we were living under
an assumed name, and that q reward
was offered for my arrest for bigamy
and highway robbery.-Ze1aos Dane, 40
Iid-Bils.