News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-10-13

grocer nine forty and the butcher five
sixty. Then there is coming to us half
n pound of butter from Mrs. Smith
across the way, three eggs from Mrs.
Jones around the corner, q quarter of q
pound of tea from Mrs. Robinson next
door, Il bushel of coal from the Tom
klnses on the street above, and do wish
yOu would go over and get our coffee pot
from Mrs. Brown. She's had it since
yesterday.
NQUISITIvE.
A gentleman OF an inquisitive turn of
mind few mornings since met lady
friend who is employed as a saleslady in
a city store, and noticing her changed
appearance in countenance, asked her if
she had been i'll. She replied that she
was never in better health, and queried
if anything in her appearance prompted
his question He replied that he
thought her face looked thinner than
usual.
ooh" she quickly reioined. ''I lent
my teeth this morning to a friend who
was going to the picnic.
LARGE FAMILY.
Magistrate Ito Uncle Rastus)-The
charge against you. Uncle Rastus, is
begging on the streets.
Uncle Rastus-Yes, sab.
Magistrate-You told a pitiful story
of having seven mouths to feed.
Uncle Rastus-Yes, sab, dat am er
fac, yo' Honah.
sonal knowledge, Uncle Rastus, that you
have no children.
Uncle Rastus-No, sab, but da' am
de ole 'ooman an myself yo' Honah, an
we keeps five dogs.
DID NOT GET AWAY.
''You never drink OF smoke, do you,
George, dear 2" she said. "You know /
could never marry a man who drinks
and smokes"
George, in q broken-hearted tone of
voice, admitted that he did smoke and
drink little. and turned to go.
But pair of white, twenty-seven-
year-old arms were around his neck in q
moment.
"Never mind, George" said the girl,
perhaps my witty influence willinduce
you to give them up."-N. Y. Sun.
DOSINfoo
Fond Mother-Pa, what business do
you think we ought to start Willard in
He's getting to be Is years old and ought
to get into something.
Fond Father-It's hard telling what
he's fitted for.
Fond Mother-Yes; he's as proud as
Lucifer, but he's as neat as wax.
Fond Father-Well, then, let's start
him in the match business. Judge
TRUE LOVE.
She-Do you remember that lovely
ride we had at Newport last
summer, Charley, behind that cute lit
tie donkey?
He with tender reproach)-Do L re-
member it, love? AS if I could ever
forget it
She-You are nice to say so Charley;
and do you know. dear, l never see
donkey without thinking of you.
FORCE OF HABIT.
Foreign Count (at breakfast on we'd
ding tour)-Ish de menu satisfactory m y
lofG.
Bride (sweetly)-Thank you, Alberto,
it is all that could wish. But, if you
me cup of coffee and a small steak.
Foreign Count (absent-mindedly in
stentorian voice)-Slaughter in the pan!
Draw one !-ChicagO Tribune,
DANGER.
Daughter-I wouldn't think of travel
ing alone, not for moment.
Omaha Dame-Plenty of women do.
'1'd like to know who?'
"Why, there's Miss DeSpecs. She
has travelled all over the world alone,
and she says she has never been in
suited"
"Humph! hope I'm not so homely
as all that. ."-On,aha HeraI.
HE NEVER MISSED.
"Did YOU say that 1 never missed q
drink, sir 2" q man demanded of his
neighbor in an angry and threatening
manner.
81 may have done so,' was the reply.
''But 1 never drink and you know it -
"Then you never miss it, do you?'
That puts the matter in different
light, and they took a smoke together.
-Teras Sittings.
PLEASANT PEOPLE.
Mrs. Waldo-I have a letter from
your Uncle James, Penelope, who wants
lis to spend August and September on
his farm in Orange county.
Penelope-Is there any society in the
neighborhood
Mrs. Waldo-I've heard him speak of
the Holsteins and the Durhams and the
Guernseys. I presume they are pleas
ant people.