Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-06-08
TO Make YOU SMILE.

burlington free Press.
"DID you get on to that banana peel
on the stairs ?" asked one Office boy
OF another. Yes" replied the other,
with an expression OF feeling, 81 tum-
bled."
"HERE's five cents, organ grinder,
move Or" 81 knows the value OF
peace and quietness. | never moves
on under a quarter. '-PhILadeIphla
News.
AN inquiring youth wants us to tell
him what terminal facilities are.
to be able to explain.-New York
Herald.
''WHAT does Good Friday mean,"
asked one school-boy of another.
.'You better go home and read your
Robinson Crusoe,'" was the wither-
ing reply.
"MAMMA," said a little 5-year-old
girl pointing to turkey gobbler strut
ting around neighbours yard, "ain't
that red-nosed chicken got an awful
big bustle?"
"YoU didn't recognize me at the mas
querade?" asked her husband. "No,"
she responded, "you were too steady
on your legs. | never saw q more per-
feet disguise"
''WHEN I was first married used to
love my wife SO that could have eaten
her alive" land now?" "I'm sorry
I didn't do it. "-Translate ted by New
York Graphic.
SAM JONES says: "I don't know
where he'll is. | don't want to know,
for I amt headin' that way. I'm
going to let them fellers as are goin'
thar find out"
1T is fortunate that when Daniel
went into the lions den the beauties
Of the prophet-sharing system hadn't
been talked up SO effectively as they
have to-day.-Somervile Journal.
NERVOUS lady passenger in the
train, alter passing a temporary
bridge-Thank goodness we are now
on terra frma. Facetious gentleman
Yes, M am. Less terror and more
hrmer.
CURATE Ito old man who is beating
his donkey =" Fie, fie, my good
friend, do you know what happened
to BaIaan once?" Old man-"Ees.
sure, zur-the same as has just hap.
pened to me, zur-a ass spoke to him.
Irish Times.
IT is not true, as critically reported,
that little Dorothy Whitney sleeps in
a crib. She is crooked in the cradle
Of the deep" as BELTS the daughter OF
g. great naval secretary, and 'By
BABY Bunting" is her favorite lullaby.
Washington Critic.
"HE's GAVIN to the dawgs, paw fell
law, he has, assuaw you" "Good
gracious! hadn't noticed it." "Gad.
wheaw aw youaw eyes? Haven't you
seen how tight his bweeches aw, and
the cussed culaw of the cWavat he
weawsl "-ToWn Topic.
JACK backward in his grammar)-
"Papa, what part of speech is
women ?" Papa fresh from verbal
engagement with mamma, In which Of
course, he has been badly worsted-
"She isn't any Of part OF speech at all,
Jack; she is the whole of it."-L1e.
COMING from the root of the Latin
verb relinquere-to leave behind
''relict" is very appropriately ap-
piled to widows, but to very few of
them are Cleft" so to speak. "Cold
days" are unknown in the widows
calendar--JacksOnviHe News.
The prisoner is charged with drunk
enness. "Do you realize the detest-
able offense of which you are charged?"
asked the magistrate. "Of course,
your honor, but come, let us be rea-
sonable-let US be humane. Even
your honor would have been full
under the same circumstances"
"I SHOULD like to know" said the
belated suburban passenger to the
station agent, "Why the SIS train is
late every morning ?" because the
smithville way freight gets in its way"
"What makes the freight get in its
way? 1.-The Interstate commerce
act.' mildly answered the station
agent, as he shut down the window.
MADAME rings furiously for her valet
''thls letter has been opened" "Mad-
anne" tI know it is my husband
who has done it. Confess or I will
discharge you at once" cit was not
monsieur. | confess, madame, that it
was myself" ooh, well (nlore gently
that makes a difference. You may
CO."
Chow do you like this mileage
scheme ?" said the editor of Dakota
newspaper to conductor on the 1. &
d. division of the Milwaukee road.
"First-rate, sir, frst-ratep' hereplied,
as he unroIled couple OF yards of
coupons. "You see, | am building a
new house and this stuff makes the
finest kind OF wallpaper. Sign here,
please, on the back where it won't
showp
KENNEDY Ito Simpson, who lives in
Brooklyn and does business in New
York whats that on your finger?
Simpson with great gratitude)-
Thanks awfully, old fellow. I'd al
most forgotten about it. This is g.
string my wife tied there to remind me
to bring something home. Kennedy
Bring home what? Simpson-By
George--er-Pll be switched if haven't
forgotten what.
AN alderman's wife, overtaken by a
heavy shower of rain, took refuge in g