The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-09-22
9lashes Of Gnm.

A young poet Of the realistic school
writes: Cline marches on with the slow,
measured tread of a man working by the
day"
The baby believes in the motto: "a
place for everything and everything in
it's place." and het place for everything is
her mouth.
Wife-"You haven't been inside of
church since we were married.
Husband-Guefully)-"No; a burnt
child breads the fire" E
.Wife-"In the game of lawn tennis, my
dear, what is the most difficult thing to
acquire %
Husband-"The lawn."-Puck. =
The fact that Mrs. Cleveland does not.
remove her gloves at dinner, is not nearly
so astonishing to. Western congressman
As Mr.. Cleveland's habit of eating with his
coat on.-LJe.
Said a friend to a bookseller:
"The book trade is affected, suppose,
by the general depression. What kind of
books feel it most?" Pocketbooks,' was
the laconic reply.
MA, de theology say yer dat de human.
body am composed Of free forths watah."
WAL, yo' bettah mosey off to school,
and get outen dat hot sun, ur fus ting yo'
know yo' be 'vaporating."-Harpers
Bazar.
Glow is it, Sheridan, that your name
has not on O attached to it? Your fam
ilvis Irish, and no doubt ill~ustrious." "No
family had a better right to O than our
family" said Sheridan, "for we owe
everybody"
"Is he a young man of brains?" in
quired an old gentleman respecting a
swell youth, DWELL, really" replied his
daughter, Il have had no opportunity of
Judging; l never met him anywhere e1-
cept in society"
"The racing association will give you
500 an acre, deacon, for the lot" "To
build a race track on? No, sir, I don't
believe in horse racing;it sinful" "Say,
$3.50" "Well, I'll take $3.50; but if they
build a race track it will be against my
earnest protest
"You know, of course" said the old
man to the young man, "that my daugh-
ter has $1,000 0 in her own right?"
ayes, SIR -,
"And you are not worth a cent?"
"Tmpoor, sir; but, Great Scott! $780,
900 is enough for twoV'
"Waiter," said he, II brought a $40
silk umbrella with me when I came here,
and now it's gone"
Eyes, sab. Was it a new m sah?'
Yes"
"Wif e~r.silver handler"
eyes. Do you know where it is p
"Well, I don't know fo' suah, sab, but
I 'spects some gem man must er took it."
-NeW York SIN.
A good story is told of Joseph Sheridan
LIE Fanu. yoseph's father, the dean of
Emily, had to rebuke him for coming
down late to breakfast. One morning
about 10. O'Clock Joseph had not appeared.
His father, holding his watch in his hand
as the lad entered the room, said in his
= severest. voice, II ask you, Joseph ask
you seriously-is this right?" "No, sir;
I'm sure it must be fast" was the reply.
"Papa, how do they catch monkeys?"
inquired Willie, who had been to the
m%enagerie.
"TRe best way, nowadays, [ think, is
by means of a double barreled hustle and
triple size cart wheel hat and a fancy
parasol."
Eyes" remarked Willie's mother, mus
ingly, II used to be very much addicted
to those little foibles before we were mar
ried."- Washington Critic.
Il have Just returned from the ice
cream saloon with your daughter, sir,
whom [ have left in the parlor," said the
young man, nervously, "and-and-may
| say a word to you, sir?"
"Certainly, certainly" responded the
old gentleman, with hearty encourage
ment. eco right ahead"
"Thanks. [ want to ask you, sir, if
if you could lend me five cents to ride up
to Harlem with pm. Y. Sun.
"Darling," he whispered, as they were
entering her house after having attended
the show at the dime museum in full
dress, "why do you resemble this knob 2"
With a ftful smile she gave it up, and
like an interlocutor at a minstrel show,
asked, "Why?"
Because you are something to adore?'
When she had colored up and coldly
hurried into the house, he realized he had
overdone it Washington Hatchet.
Mr.. .Poots-"Where is that burglar,
Maria? Where is he? Where's the vii
liam gomez"
Mrs. Poots-" Gone to the station
house. Oh, dear, I'm so distracted. A
policeman came and took him. Oh,
Johnny, why did you leave me all alone
when the alarm rung and run into the