The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1887-12-29
WIT AND HUMOR.

a banquet.-AtchSs0n kGs. Gt00e.
A man out in Kentucky has just
found heavy pot of gold. 1t is likely
that he lifted it with three jacks
Macon Telegraph.
A music-deaier says that the violin
mas not improved any since 1920. The
same may be said of the yiolin-player
who lives next door.-NoTrist0a0 Her.
aid.
He witnessing "Faust" o-How are
you pleased with Irving. Miss Breezy
She-I like him immensely. And how
much he is like Dixey.-Neso YorA
Sun.
Scientists say that the savage has
more acute sense of smell than civil
lied people. When two savages get
together how they must suffer.-Bos-
ton Transcript.
| Young Blifkins went out cunning
yesterday, and shot six times at an
owl before he discovered that it was
piece of mud on his eyeglasses
fYoit Free Press.
The fruit-preservers of the country
have decided to advance the price OF
canned fruit. Their motto is: LET
4us make large profits so long as we
can. ."-Neao York World.
We like the business character of
the young man who, after he had been
kicked down stairs, came back to the
irate kicker to find out who made his
boots Western PloaCnadn.
A Young woman in Union county,
Dakota, committed suicide because the
cloak, that her father bought her did
not fit. Thus are misfits proved as
fatal as fits.-Bufato E9press.
A noted doctor SAYS that onions are
4he best nervine known. 1t isn't the
man who eats the onions who exhibits
the nerve; it is the man who hob-nobs
with him.-EDanscale Tribune.
A policeman in Butte City. idaho,
wears gold badge worth $780, And
yet he would see something ridiculous
in a 10-cent purp wearing $40
blanket.-Atiaata Constitution.
Now that M. Wilson, son-in-law of
President Grevy. has officially left the
Elysee, all fears that he would pawn
that palace and escape with the pro-
ceeds have beeen allayed.-Neso York
World.
A Burlington teacher told one of her
bows that the next time he wrote o
composition there must be some point
to it. The subject of his next disquisi-
tion was s.Needles. y Darlington Pree
Press.
A paper asks: SIS there wife in
the city to-day who makes her hus-
was received by return of post: 81
do, but he won't wear them. m."-Ote 90
Witness.
A Connecticut man has invented a
new hustle. But if he invented q way
TO make Litchield county tobacco
taste less like cabbage he would be
much more a social benefactor.-NeU
York Graphic.
PA" said New Hampshire farm.
ers daughter, 1.-THE LATEST tramp I
ever saw came into the yard to-day.
Hestood there by the wood-pile and
let the dog undress him. - Burlington
Free Press.
Only 5000, 600 women in this coun-
try have to work for money, and all
the rest of the women get their money
for nothing. What in the world are
they kicking for?-Ne,o York CONNER
'csas Advertiser.
The Derrick is the only newspaper
in town that had a representative on
the rotten veranda yesterday when 1t
fell eighteen feet into the creek. We
always get there with both feet.-On
City Derrick
Countryman Gin gallery of Stock
Exchange. toe wife)-Some o them
seats down there, Marian cost bout
$4,000 piece, Wife-Mercy me!
Why don't they set down on 'em, thens
-NeU York Sam.
Aunt Minerva to fashionable niece
Do you expect to do anything in the
direction of charity this winter, ClaraP
Miss Clara, brightly-O, yes, auntv.
I am already planning my costume
for the charity ball.-Epoch.
'4John." said Mott street Sunday
school teacher, edo you know wha.
CLEANLINESS is next to godliness
meanse" yep" responded John, sit
means Mclean man putee on clean
shit evly day. ."-NeaO York San.
PA" said little Johnny, s.teacher is
thinking about promoting me-" How
do you knowP" "From what she said
te-day." '.And what was that?" ..She
said if kept on I'd belong to the
scriminal class. - Merchant Traveller.
Some one has invented a new style
pf boys trousers which is highly rec
commended. They have a copper seat
and sheet-iron knees, are riyeted down
An the seams, and have waterproof
pockets to hold broken eggs.-1eras
lSiftsngs.
There is one thing can't under
stand, he began. when his wife inter-
Fupted him. ..Only one thing, my
dearP" she said in amazement; and he
sf1Fa0 his fio
exchanged slippers for boots.-Neao
York San.
willing to accommodates: Miss
Sangbleu Ito coachman, who is ac-
tually crowding her out of the cart)-
Patrick, wish you would have the
kindness to move. Green coachman-
Yes, Miss. Which way, Missp-Har-
card LGnapoon.
Are you the headwaiter?" asked
hotel patron of pompous individual
who was posing near the dining-room
door. .'Well. sir, serve in that ca
pacity; but my official title, if you
please, IS dining-room superintendent"
Hotel MasI.
Young gentleman-''S then, if You
know of young lady who is good |
looking, young, rich and amiable-"
sAgenL llnteffuptlng nm -'AIlOw me |
ito tell you, sir, all that suffices me to
make four matches withi"-Paris |
journal Ansus0at.
married or unmarriedpn asked the |
Judge of female witness. ..Unmar-
ried just few minutes ago." was the |
reply. "a few minutes agop What |
do you meanp" 'Just what / say. Got |
any divorce papers. That unmarried |
me. "-Pittsbura Dispatch.
At the Zoo-The keeper gave the |
Zion large piece of meat Poet
Does he get that oftenP Keeper--He |
gets it regularly twice a day. Poet |
with clasped hands-What boon it |
would be if could only get position |
rs lion here.-FrOna the German
Jeems high muck-a-muck to II. Il.