The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1887-11-17
WIT AND HUMOR.

perfectly quiet when some one is |
enumerating our virtues.-ShOe and /
Leather Reporter.
The Smithsonian Institution ought |
to place travelling minstrel show
among its archaeological specimens
Macon Telegraph.
Cigar dealer-I have something new
in cigarettes want to show you, Mr.
Dumley. Dumley-What is it, to-
bacco?-Nesv York Sam.
A great many good men have missed
the top of the ladder by attempting
too many rounds at the first jump
Shoe and Leather Reporter.
The little King of Spain is cutting
his teeth. Here's hoping that there
is wisdom-tooth as big as hammer
head in the lot Sam Francisco Alta.
Tramp in railroad Office without
change, eh? Guess Til take this route
if the schedule suits me. I've been
without change long time. "-Ts1as
SJtings.
Politics and poetry are not supposed
to assimilate, yet the politician and
the poet are not SO very different. One
lays his pipes and the other pipes his
lays.-Teaas Sltttngs.
Featherly (to Dumley, who has
given him cigar)-Somebody (puff)
must have given you this cigar, Dunn
lev. Dumlev-Y es; is it a bad one?
Featherly-No; it's puff good one.
Puck.
No matter how good character
deacon may have he cannot put %
bill in the plate which he has just
passed aud make change for himself
without arousing the suspicious of the
congregation.-Puc
Mrs. Brown (after exceptionally
fine dinner)-I tell my husband that
if he will bring gentlemen home unex-
pectedly, he mustn't complain if every
thing isn't right Dumley-Pray make
no excuses, / wasn't at all hungry
Life.
Mother-Now, Lionel. tomorrow
YOU will be years old, and if you are
a good boy YOU shall have a nice little
cake and three candles. Lionel
fslowly(-I would rather have three
nice little cakes and one candle. -
Judge.
It is not thoughts of falling leaves
and the dead and dying year that
make young man sad in the fall. 1t
is the thought that he mast have new
clothes for winter and cannot stand
off his tailor on another bill.-NeW Or
leans Picaystue.
Mamma said little girl. on her
way home from fashionable church,
care people who sit in tine middle aisle
wickeder than those at one side?'
.sCertainly not, dear. Whyp" BE
cause the minister only preached to
them. ."-Neso York sam.
Proud mother Chaughtily)-You al
lowed yourself to be won altogether
too easily, Edith! Edith suppose
did. But as Albert is rather bashful
and 7 am nearing so 1 thought it only
proper to make it as easily as possible
for m.-Harpa,''s Bazar.
According to Boston clergyman,
who claims to have figured it out, the
millennium is dae next year. In thai
case, all we have 10 say is that the
clergymen of Boston have deal OF
hard work to do in the next few
months. -PMtadeiphia Inquirer.
Lawyer-Your uncle makes you his
sole heir, but the will stipulates that
the sum of 800 must be buried with
him. Heir (feeIngy)-The old man
was eccentric, but his wishes must be
respected, of course. I'll write s
check for the amount.-NeD Y0rd
San.
Daughter (watching the seagulls)- y
Do the seagulls accompany us all the
way across, mamma? Mother-I know
Of two of them that do, nay dear
your father and your uncle, James
They are down below now playing
poker with strangers. : NeU York
San.
Life has often been compared to 8
voyage at sea, or down the stream ol
time, but it is not generally knowr
that this analogy was first suggested
to the ancients by the fact that mer
like boats usually have to be bailet
out after they get full.-Duiatth Para
grGpher.
Robinson-What was the amount o
your doctors bill, Dumley? Dumle.
Il paid him 5000. Robinson-Twt
hundred dollars! That's too much
Dunley-He saved my life, you know
Robinson-Yes, know he saved you
life. But $500, Dumley! That's toe
much.-NeD York Sun.
About the hardest thing in the worl(
for a woman to preserve while en-
gagged in the preserving business is hel
temper, when she is Obliged to set hel
preserve kettle off the stove to answer
ring at the door-bell, and finds 8
patent-medicine circular on the from
step.-Norristoaon Herald.
Old lady (to grocer's boy)-Don
not IL -
whistle when dealing with LADY,
Boy-That's what ti,o boss told me tc
do. mum. Old lady-Told you te
whistle? Boy-Yes'm. He said il
we ever sold you anything we'd have
to whistle for the money Harper.
Bazaar.
Robinson stood on the corner, his
attitude expressive of pain. whats
the matter, Robinson?f inquired Dunn
ley, who ehanced to be passing. Rheu
matism again. You look sort O
twisted" NO. responded Robinson
-'my wife has Just made me half 4
dozen new shirts, and I've got one oi
'em on. "-Neso lork; San.
Young wife (weeping)-You prom
ised to love and cherish me forever
and we have only been married two
years, and now what has become ol
your everlasting love and affection
Young husband-Great Scott! you arr
always kicking about something. How
long did you suppose this everlasting
love was going to last, anyhow 1erd;
Sittsaags.
Nothing causes the Nebraska farmer
more dismay than to return from tow
after spending few hours there ana
find that his farm has been converted
into a thriving city, with street cars
and electric lights. during his alb
gence. But such things will occur
now and then, and should be regarded
with comparative calmness. Nebraska
State Journal.
The Telegraph said recently that s
baby carriage takes up more room OF
a sidewalk than buck board Wagon
on the prairie. This is amended to.
day by displacing the period and add
ing the words: s'But nevertheless OF
our sidewalks, as in our homes and
hearts, the babies have the right O.
way over anything in the universe
Macon IeleQraph