Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1887-08-11
VISITORS FROM THE CITY.
How They Succeed in Entertaining Their
Unsophisticated Country Eriends

nickers with of old papers-there's a
whole raft o. folks visitin' out at my
place. and they're findin' fault an
turnin' up their noses cause their amt
no liter toor round the house, an L N
bound to satisfy 'em on some pint"
Friends from the Eastp"
"Y-a-e-s-some O my wife's rela-
ton. Her cousin an husband an four
big children an three little ones an q
baby, an mother grown up cousin
who Amt married, an the Teller that's
courtin' her, an feetle burned dog
with lots O. hair round his head an
neck. an none to speak of on the rest
of him. The whole caboodle of 'em
have been at our house bout two
weeks. pesterin' us, an Ill be dog
goned If 1 don't buy me tin bill an
git down an pick gravel with the
chickens fore 1 low it to cur again.
aye see they live in New York an'
they've come out to spend the sum-
mer. They let on they think heap
of us, an have been bout dyin' to see
us fer years. 1 reckon they could
never get money 'nough to come be-
fore.
when they come the boy that's
bout twelve got out O. the wagon
first, an while was helpin' the 9TH
ers out he went round an broke the
we'll windlass an threw stone at a
chicken an killed it, an begun chas-
in calf round the yard an hangin'
holt of its tail.
"The next day Em---that's the cous-
in that amt married---saw snake in
the front yard an begun to boiler, an
Skinned up an apple tree. Her felier
went into the house lookin' fer gun,
an 'Liza--that's the married cousin---
stood on the porch an screamed, an
the children got up on the
fence an yelled. 'Liza's husband was
out in the garden pluggin' leetle bits
O. watermelons no hi gger' door knobs
to see if they was ripe, an my wife
had made herself sick waitin' on 'em
all, an was in bed. heard the hula
baloo down in the bayfield, an come
up on the jump, an went an picked
up an old whip lash that lay in the
grass, an they didn't none of 'em see
any more of that snake. They didn't
'pologize though. and EN- said I
oughter know bett'n to let whip
lashes lay round where they would be
sure to fool folks.
AN her Teller tried to help her
down an she slipped en- fell on him
an spawned his arm, and had to
hook up an go down after the doctor:
can the next day the baby was
took with the measles, an 1 had to go
again.
'.An' in the meantime the boy that's
bout twelve had throwed stones down
the pump SOS it wouldn't pump, broke
the winder out'n the barn, barked all
the trees an killed two hens with some
rubber gum fixln', which 1 afterward
got up in the night an stole way
from him an burned in the kitchen
stove.
can 'Liza's husband finished plug
GIN the watermelons, an got load in
the shotgun that he dasn't shoot off.
an said he guessed he'd send fer his
brother to come out SOS to make a
Eye orter see 'em stow way the
meat an garden sass an grub an one
stuff an mother when they get to the
table, though they're all the time
tellin' how delicate they air, an how
they got the hay disease. or something
hay fever, mebby it is. L
reckon it's a trouble as kinder stim'-
lates the stomach, an makes folks hum
cry. At dinner one day seed the per-
taters meltin' way pertty fast an be-
gun to swallerin' mine sort O. rapid
SOS to get mother fore they was all
gone, an 1 was shovelin' it with my
knife, when EN- spoke up an said that
some folks she knowed would cut their
mouths clear round to the back O
their heads some day, an that it was
awful funny how people that lived in
country didn't have no table manners
nohow. Then she speared her fork
inter the last pertater in the dish, an
[ got left after all.
Zone day Ems teller says to me:
Say, uncle Che al'ays calls me uncle
fer some reason) ju know yer spotted
low haint got no teeth in front an
abovep' is that SOP says /. Yes,
sir, says he, 'cause I turned up her
upper lip an looked. She haint got |
lone nor never had none neither.
know q dime museum man in
New York We could sell that COW
o fer four thousand dollars. He'd |
put her up on a platform an hang an |
ear o. corn over her head, an she'd |
'orter grin at it an show her gums,
IN he'd clear million dollars on her.
1.-The twelve-year-old boy has got the |
left of the hens either killed or dis
.bled. an the dog that pears to run to
sharp pint behind has ct most O. the |
title chickens Ems Teller has peeled |
Ill the shade trees in the 'front.' yard |
ryin' to find some birch bark. He was
tartin' on the lilac bushes when told |
Tim birch bark didn't grow on trees,
md he stopped. EN- has had twenty
hree cryin' spells an hysteriticks four
lines. Liza an her husband have
hrowed dishes at each other twice, an
lave a common row most ev'ry day.
The children have had every thing but
mall-pox, an have made the team run
way twice.
''WeH, gimme them papers-mebby
when they git EN- they'll read an not
'ust things quite so much. After they
70 way, if they ever do. I'll come in
m tell We the rest they do. "-Dakota
Bell.