The Portland daily press., 1887-02-03
Wit AND WISDOM.

Mackinac Island man was acting as pilot
for the st. Ignace mail sleigh recently, and NOV
ing short distance ahead OF II, when he went
through the ice and into the water neck deep.
Without change OF countenanee he called TO the
driver:
Hold on there, John! The ice is not safe
herei"
Those unhappy persons who suffer from ner-
Yousness and dyspepsia should use Carter's Little
Nerve Pills, which are made expressly for Sleep
less, nervous, dyspeptlc sufferers Price 20 cents,
all druggists.
Maglstrate-Hou are accused of stealing chick
ems, Uncle Rastus. Are You guilty or not guilty?
Uncle Rastus pleads not guilty, yo' honah,
an inquests de privilege of frowing myself on de
mercy OBJ dc con't in case de evidence goes agin
me.
The best and cheapest in the world. DR.. Bulls
Cough Syrup costs you only 20 cents bottle.
Mr.. Charles Schreiner, Foreman of large
Meat House in Baltimore Nd says sSalvation
on acts like magic on sprained wrist" Price
20 cts
The remark Of the MissssppI pilot to his assis-
tant IN Mark Twains last book, is so applicable
acquaintance, that it Is worth the price OF the
work:
be more different kinds OF an ass than any crea-
ture ever saw before"
Lydia L. Plnkhams Vegetable Compound VIII
at all times and under all circumstances act in
harmony with the laws that govern the female
system.
She was a Boston girl and was receiving on New
Years with friend in Washington.
"Ah, Miss X.," said an aesthetic lieutenant, who
had just been presented, you are from Boston,
''Yes, that is my home"
Delightful place. Boston. SO Intellectual. SO
classic l may say. Such elegant people. Such an
air OF refinement permeating every environment.
Nothing loud; nothing coarse; nothing vulgar
SYou bet your life it is. p she replied innocently;
',but as far as I've got think Washington takes
the cake"
Dr. soules Pills regulate the bowels cure head
ache and allbious arrangement.
GLOW do you spell knee, mammal" said
small boy, looking up from his slate
Knee, Johnny"
Silence for several moments, while the letters
were going down laboriously. And then he asked
How do you spell grow?'
More scratching with the pencil
Now I've got i'll" Johnny exclaimed "K-n-e-e,
ne, gro W, gro-negrol"
Let the poor sufferer from female complaints
take courage and rejoice. Lydia E. Pinkhams
"You know a scene occurs IN Hamlet, in which
Poloniops asks the Prince what he is reading and
receives the reply, Words, words, words,'" said
literary trayellerto friend.
We'll what do you suppose Hamlet was read
sThe Congressional Record. reckon"
The Effects of Mental Exhaustion
ofo1x hos Of tb.a
system are the products of daily renewed mental
exhaustion Business avocations often involve an
amount of mental wear and tear very prejudicial
to physical health, and the professions, if ardu-
ously pursued, are no less destructive to brain
and nerve tissue. II is one of the most important
attributes of hostetters stomach Bltters, that y
compensates for this undue loss OF tissue, and
that IL mparts new energy to the brain and
nerves. The rapidity with which it renews weak
markable, and shows that its invgorating proper
ties are of the highest order. Besides increasing
Vital stamina, ana e9untedaeihg lne elecls Of
and prevents fever and ague, rheumatism chronic
dyspepsia and constipation, kidney and uterine
weakness and other complaints Physicians also
commend it as a medicated stimulant and remedy.
mother talking to her little 4-year-old daugh-
"Do you not feel thankful that you have good
home and papa and mamma, with plenty of
comfortable things to wear and food to eat while
there are SO many children who have not so many
things to make them happy?''
mo, do not" said Miss Perverseness.
But when safe in bed at night and alone Ia her
room her mother heard her say.
Eyes, have nice papa and mamma and every
{. thing good, and, dear Lord, | am very much
obliged"'
Carriers Little LAYER Pills VIII positively cure
sick headache and prevent its return. This is
not talk, but truth, One pilIa dose. To be had of
all Druggists. See advertisement.
"Ivory handled umbrellas, notice, are the
style now"
hYouare behind the times. There is pattern
far more popular than that"
Describe It,"
at is the feloniously handled umbrella.
Good Word.