Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1887-08-12
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.


Second camper: Intense"
A Connecticut man by the name of Peach
overfed his children with watermelon, and
it is feared that the peach crop is ruined.
Indignant employer John I'd fire you,
If it wasn't so hot !"
Mrs. Popinjay; "Aha-by the way,
what's the stain on your hand ?"
Mr. Popiniay: paint. was coming
by BLOSSOMS fence and just touched my
finger to it to see if it was dry"
smith: "Doctor, what's the matter
with my wife ?'
Doctor: "I'll tell you, Smith. She is
just breaking down. She overdoes every
thing"
Smith: ooh, doctor can't be you ever
tasted one of her pies"
Mrs. Blobson; "What's that Oh, hor-
rors the hotel afire ~
Mr. Blobson: "Yes-come on. We've
no time to lose"
Mrs. Blobson: but here | am in my
night dress"
Mr. Blobson Good enough. Pm glad
you've got out of your ball dress and into
something decent"
A hard worked Maine woman with 10
children washes her family with garden
hose. Sometimes the baby gets washed
clean out into the gutter, when the hose is
feeling first rate.
Somehow or other turkeys don't look as
nice as usual, this year. We suppose it is
because the cranberry crop is going to be
failure.
Fifty members of the Marsh family met
in hartford, Conn, the other day, and
the air was so damp that lots of people
caught cold.
DIR. Mary Walker recently received the
following note Dear Doctor Can you
oblige me by saying which is the cooler,
loose pataloons or a Mother Hubbard
They say you have tried both. q have a
bet up on the question.)"
A Florida man, while going home in
heavy shower, the other evening, was
struck by silver quarter bearings very
early date and apparently rained from the
sky. He is mad because it wasn't so
cent piece.
A painter fell into the East river. from
Brooklyn bridge, the other day, but
as he.omitted to take brush with him he
was unable to paint the river.
A Texas editor says: "Uncle Charley
Dobbs has our thanks for a large, delicious
beet" We can imagine what a solid,
| square, satisfying meal the poor dog
made Of it.
"a dictionary of the Welsh Language"
by the Rev. D. S. Evans, has been pub
lished in part. 1t takes 400 pages crown
octave to use use up the one letter A.
Some words occupy page, others page
and half, and in several places the print
er has been obliged to run IN punctuation
marks were he fell short Of consonants.
II you ever notice look of intense alb
sorption and mental concentration in an
EDITORS face, Just step back, please, and
keep still. He is about to swoop for fly
! on his ear.
Alfonso XIII. of Spain was n year old
on the 18th of June. On that day he was
presented with uniform BETTING his
rank as an officer in the Spanish army.
For some time yet, however, he will retain
his position as high private in the infantry.
| The hottest article of mans attire are
his suspenders. But oh how much hot
ter and more uncomfortable he feels when
they happen to give way in public.
Buffalo girls indulge in what they call
the penny walk" They start out for a
saunter and at the first corner toss up
cent. If it is heads they turn to the
right, if tails" to the left, and so on at
each street corner. 1t is great thing for
the street boys, who follow in crowds, as
it is a well-known fact that no society girl
! in full parade dress could stoop over and
pick up cent to save her soul
! Sport 81 understand you are something
of chiropodist, too ?"
| Puglist: "Yes-somewhat."
Sport did you ever read John L. Sui
| livan's hand ~
Pugilist "Yes-right before me eyes"
Sport "What did it say ?"
Pugilist; "Stars."
| A picnic party came near having Il splen-
did chance to survey the sea serpent, the
other day, but just rs he was getting
within range somebody yelled, SIS this
hot enough for you?' and down he went.
1t is hard for the American citizen to re-
member that only six months ago he was
going about with ice on his whiskers.-
| Louisville COuricr-JOurnul.
A Kansas City lady traded real estate for
house is losing $50 month she doesn't
consider the bargain dirt cheap" and
wants her dust back.
| If summer schools keep on increasing as
they have been for a few years past we
shall soon have to abandon winter school
| ing altog9ther.-BOStO Post.
Jay Gould must intend setting up as a
rival to Berry Wall. The papers last week
were full of his spending million on ties.
Life.
The president is so much more cheer
tul and good natured when he is out Of
doors that Mrs A." must be longing for
1889, when he will be allowed to stay out
of doors all the .-Sprinlteld Union.
The right kind of Il keepsake.-"Yo
want a keepsake that will always remind
| you of me ~ he said,
~ do. darling" he said tenderly.
whats the matter with myself ~ she
whispered.
There will be wedding shortly.-BoS-
| ton Courier.
Il am very glad to see that the govern
| 10 t.,lyi mt n