Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-12-15
WIT AND HUMOR.

/ / eS, SAID the landlady, sadly,
appearances are deceitful, but disap-
pearances are still more so."-Bsr-
| tingtop Free Press.
The chap who finds a carpet nail in
his uncooked oysters is among those
who wish the tax taken off raw mate
rial.-Boston Bulletin.
The Vassar serenade is .sGum, @
gum with me-" The girl in the win
dow says: 81 choose, and will go. .
Neao Orleans Dicayaaae.
/ The directors of the National Base
Ball League think all the world dia-
mond, and men and women only play
ers on it.-Neao York Graphic.
what do you sell that ribbon for?''
asked young lady in dry goods
store. Eight dollars week-O, beg
pardon, so cents yard, miss. Id
dies Wear ReuieO.
Queen Emma of Holland continually
winks while speaking. For this rea-
son she is Obliged to have all her pre-
seriptions put up by telephone.-Bur-
hngton Free Press.
When pawnbroker pays $3.50 for
a new 500 overcoat he may be trying
to lead an honest life, but he leaves
room for healthy suspicion to the
contrary Omaha Herald.
| 1t is said that small hand indicates
refinement, and yet we have seen
small hands, and held them, too, b.
thunder, that brought out language
anything but refned.-Drake's 1laga-
zine.
A rooster that strums on the piano
is exciting the people of Salem, Ill.
| There is one thing to be said in favor
OF such a piano player. The rooster
| goes to bed at shutdown. -Norrastoun
Herald.
Before you call attention to the fact
that pig has no use for his tail, please
remember that you have two buttons
on the lower back of your coat that
don't button anything. Burlington
Haa0keye.
Il have met with success very fire.
quently," remarked the aged cam
paigner, ''bnt we never spoke as we
passed by. Success always seemed to
be in a hurry to see another man.
Harper's Bazaar.
Brown-''What have you got that
string around your finger for, Robin
sonp" Robinson-s.To remind me of
something | am to get for my wife;
and, by thunder, I've forgot what it
was!'-Neao York Sun.
1t requires more real talent to pre-
vent ones self from being run down
IN New York or Chicago than it does
to edit a weekly paper in California or
serve in the State Legislature.
Francisco ArgoaaGut.
Gold handled umbrellas are coming
into fashion. The handle is so ar
ranged that it can be taken off, This
is an Improvement on the old STYLE,
where the entire umbrella was taken
off Yonkers Statesman
An article in an exchange headed
''What the Typewriter is Doing"
doesn't state the fact that it is expos
ing the poor spelling of many opera
tors, as well as their ignorance of
punctuation and the use of capital let
tiers. -Norristoa0as Herald.
Mrs. Darlington says of her new
cook book: '.Now, book like this
viii come into house like an oasis in
the great desert of Sarah and be
quarantine of perpetual peace."-
Marysville, (CaL J Budget.
Who says Harvard is small placer
Fair visitor-Is that building the Law
School? Dumley S9-Wen-er, the
truth is I've only been here three
years, and don't know all the build
ings yet.-HarUord L0mapoora.
.sWhat's the matter?" asked gen
tleman, approaching a crowd on the
7, CT,
car and leg cut off. ''Heavensw he
said, forcing his way to the PROSTATE
form. STOPPING down, he whispered:
''My friend, don't you want law
yer?' Epoch.
Things one would wish to have ex-
pressed differently. Guest-.Well,
good-by, old man. And you've really
got very nice little place here"
Host-''Y but it's rather bare just
now. hope the trees will have grown
good bit before you're back, old
man" -Punch
College PROFESSIONALLY. Samson,
what's that you've got in your hand?"
Samson-ssA Ratchet" 'Is that
rope on your shoulder?" Eyes, sir.
What are those spots on your
clothes?" sBlood." '.What have you
been doing, sir?" 'sHazing the new
student. st. Paul Globe
Boston young man Gin Chicago
Yes, am naturally proud of my an
cestry, Miss Breezy. Some of my an
cestors came over in the Mayflower,
you know. Miss Breezy Oery much
Interestingly, did they, indeed?
Why, I saw the Mayflower when was
in New York last year.-Epoch.
They had missed the train, and she
was telling him so emphatically.
You are not in your right mind, are
you?" she said. Certainly not, nv
love-" he responded sweetly, as hus-
l. IT, H. Il i Il.