Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-05-04
Lecturing Tour Of a Poet.

tacular show. i attend 10 the spec
: tacular part of the business. Tha
is more in my line.
, I am writing this at an imitation
D hotel where the roads fork. 1 vii
call it the Fifth Avenue Hotel be
cause the hotel at railroad junction
is generally called the Fifth Avenue
or the Gem City House, or the Pal
ace Hotel. l stopped at an inn some
; years since called the Palace, and
l can truly say that if it had ever
been palace it was very much run
down when l visited.
) Just as the fond parent Of white
eyed, two-legged freak of nature loves
to name his mentally diluted son Ma,
poleon, and for the same reason that
a prominent horse owner in Illinoi,
socked my name on tall, buckskin
colorcd colt that did not resemble me-
intellectually or physically, colt
that did not know enough to 90
around a barbed-wire fence, but
sought to sift himself through it into
an untimely grave. SO this man had
named his sway-backed wigwam the
Fifth Avenue Hotel.
1t is different from the Fifth Avenue
in many ways. In the first place,
there is not SO much travel and busi-
ness in its neighborhJbd. As I said
before, this is where two railroads
fork. In fact that is the leading in
dustry here. The growth of the
town is naturally slow, but it is a
healthy growth. There is nothing in
the nature of dangerous or wildcat
speculation in the advancement of
this place, and while there has been
no noticeable or rapid advance in the
principal business, there has been no
falling off at all, and these roads are
forking as much to-day as they did
before the war, while the same three
men who were present for the first
glad moment are still here to witness
its operation.
Sometimes a train is derailed, as
the papers call it, and two or three
people have to remain over as we did
all night. 1t is at such time that
the Fifth Avenue Hotel is the scene
of great excitement. A large cod
fish, with broad and sunny smile,
and his bosum full of rock salt, is tied
in the creek to freshen and fit him
self for the responsible position of
floor manager of a Goldfish ball.
A pale chambermaid, wearing a
black jersey with large pores in it,
through which she is gently perco-
lating, now goes joyously up the
stairs to make the little postoffice lock
box rooms look ten times worse than
they ever did before. She MARBLES a
little refrain as she nimbly knocks
loose the venerable dust of centuries
and sets it afoat throughout the rooms.
All is hustle about the house.
Especially the chambermaid.
We were put in the guests cham
ber here. 1t has two atrophied beds
made up of pains and counterpanes.
The last remark conveys to the
reader the presence light joyous
feeling which is wholly assumed OH
my part.
The door of our room is full of
holes where locks have been wrench
ed off in order to let the coroner in.
Last night could imagine that l
was in the act Of meeting, personally,
the famous people who have tried to
sleep here and who moaned through
the night and who died while waiting
for the dawn.
have no doubt in the world but
there is quite good sized delegation
from this hotel of guests, who hesita-
ted about committing suicide, because
they feared to tread the red-hot side
walks of perdition, but who became
desperate at last and resolved to take
their chances, and they have never
had cause 10 regret it.
We washed our hands ON door
knob soap, wiped them on slippery
elm court plaster, that had made
quite a reputation for itself under
the nom de plume Of Towel" tried
to warm ourselves at pocket ink
stand stove, that gave out heat like a
dark lantern and had a deformed ell
bow at the back of it.
The chambermaid is very versatile,
and waits on the table while not en-
gagged in agitating the overworked
mattresses and puny pillows upstairs.
In this way she imparts the odor of
fried pork to the pillow cases and
kerosene to the pie.
She has wild, nervous and appre-
hensive look in her eyes as though
she feared that some herculean guest
might seize her in his great, strong
arms and bear her away to some
justice of the peace and marry
her. She certainly cannot fully real
ize how thoroughly secure she is from
Ctl r