The Penn's Grove record., 1887-01-15
ROBBING THE MAJOR.

One could live in Bareilly; there were
plenty OF chummable Europeans
around, old civil servants rolling in
gold mohurs and with manageable
daughters; indigo planters, iavishly
free with their champagne. and game
in abundance. So the feelings OF my
self and brother officers, a society-loving
lot all, may be imagined when our regl-
ment received sudden orders to proceed
from BareIlly to Peshawur, the plague
spot of India. There was something
approaching murlny among us, but we
had to tramp it, and, what made it
worse, old major S., alias Cooper
nose,' alias ''Stingy Steenie," the mar
tinet and miser of the regiment, was
accompanying us. We had thought he
was about retiring, but u i'll luck
would have it otherwise. Hardly a
day passed that he did not get n or
other of US a wigging from the colonel,
who, however, was an eaSy-golng,
kindly-disposed man, and generally
managed to let us know afterwards
that it went against his grain to punish
us. We surmlsed that he was a little
afraid OF the major. No two men
could be more dissimllar in every way.
The colonel was generosity itself; the
major was stinginess personified, and
no love was lost between the two. The
colonel's genial manner and open-hand-
edness cast a fierce white light on the
others grumplness and meanness.
Major s. was the bette noire of the
regiment; no one liked him; even the
private soldiers ''copper-nosed" him
behind his back. and the native serv-
ants, who generally manage to conceal
their dislikes, both feared and hated
him. And he knew all this, and, what
is more, knew he had earned 1t. He
was no Adonis; q red pimplJ face Of
vast expanse-a perfect continent oil
| face-surmonnted a ~capacious, barrel
shaped body. the whole supported by two
thick, stumpy legs; that was the major.
In features some would consider him
positively ugly, and his overWe3nlng
vanity was III proportion to his ughness'
He was fastidiously particular to his
dress, a regular fop, and believed that,
in the eyes Of the fair sex, he was per
| fectly irresistible, Now. when | look
back and take an Impartial, conscien'
| tious view of the mans character, l dc
not see a single lovable trait in 1t. A
| martinez and a mlser, little wonder be
was disliked in the hospital and aristo'
crstic-th.
After a little while we settled down
in the dull round of station duty-it:
early morning drills and late afternoon
parades, varied only too ofter by q
vsxatious ''6eld day" across the swamp
country. Between the winter drills
occasional reprimands from the colonel
for some peccadillo reported by the
major, and frequent daring rObberies by
adventurous Afghan gentry from the
neIghboring hills, We were kept pretty
busy. The Afghans are the most dar
ing aud adroit thieves in existence, anl
would put to shame the ~cleveresi
cracksmen within sound of Bow Bells
We had thought the pinnacle Of auda
city was reached when they %appropria
ted the colonel's horse, stealing it GU
of the stable wherein the syce slept
but this feat WIS completely eclipset
when they stole the rifles from a TEN
occupied by some half-dozen soldiers
! who, to make the matter worse, were
every one In the tent at the time. W.
all sympathized with the colonel--ex
| cept the major-for the loss OF his ia
vorite s'Gold Dust" the best steeple
chaser in the presidency. Like mos
selfish people, Coppernose took a keel
delight in the discontinue OF Others
He received the story with loud guifaw
of laughter.
"I'd like to see the man who coult
do meln he said. Fact Is, the rascal
instinctively know the buffers they ma.
plunGer with impunlty. "Catch Zen
trying 1t on me--hal"
mo fear; they 'instinctiyely' know
your nag isn't worth the trouble of steal
ing" retorted the colonel, at which W,
all laughed.
"O,d Coppernose is getting positiyel,
u~nbearable,n remarked Charlie Carter
our adiutant. soto voice. "He ough
to feel as much hurt as the colonel. fo
these robberies imperil the character 0
the regiment. We are sure to hea
about them from headquarters. Wis
he'd marry Silverbill, and take a lively
months leave"
Miss Bralligan, otherwise "Silver
bill,n was the only daughter of the bri
gade major, tall, angular, skinny all
manageable any time during the pas
90 years. "Silverbill" and ''the CARR
son hackn were the rather uniatterin
titles bestowed on her in private by tn
ungallant youngsters who r~esolutel
refused to be smltten by her charms
She was a most accomplished and volu
BILE conversationalist. her talk q quick
perpetual dribble of silvery nothlngs-
hence the not inappropriate title, Isl
verbill.n Charlie Carter, irrepressibl
Charlie, boasted that he deserved
tablet in Poets Corner, Westmlnsta
Abbey, when he shufiied off this morts
coil, for giving birth to the poetic cog
nomen On her sallow, pale face Their
generally sat that languid, tristt
DISQUALIFICATION expression ofte
observable on the time-penciled feature
OF ladies' verging on old maidhood. Sh
paid assidu0us court to the major
literally haunted hun; but for all tina
she could not bring him up to til
scratch. He SHE'D at matrimony. an
Charlie Carter's wish that he woul
marry "Silyerbill" and take an indei
mite period of leave was not likely to |
/, fulfilled. -
- One morning the colonel entered IL
'ia ierly room with a cloud On his brow
Ne more noticeable becarse sunshin
NV dwelt tbere He held a