Omaha daily bee., 1887-05-15
THE SUNDAY CHlp BASKET.

AFTER the Fourth of July man can gam
Dol, but he cannot gamble.
THEY are now using what they call Sneeze-
less snuff. 1t cheers, but does not inebriate.
1t is intended for prohibitionists who vote
straight ticket
DIR. MARY WALKER continues to stir
around Washington like a big rooster that
just came out of a misft store. She is now
working upananti-C Chewing Tobacco society.
A FANATICAL exchange says: "SalOons
have been the cause of all trouble" The ice
cream saloons are about the main trouble
just now; particularly to young men of mod
crate incomes.
HENRY BERGH, the animals friend, has
printed rules on "How to approach kicking
bOrse." What has long been needed to fill a
yawning vacuum in this world of mysteries,
are rules, slow to gracefully recede from a
kicking mule"
CORRESPONDENT writes us: SIS thar
much stalk raising in Nebraska" The
gentlemen no doubt had heard of our won
derfu corn crop and wants to know If re-
stock raising in Nebraska.
"WHY is it," asks the New York Herald,
"that Peter Smith, who was hanged yester-
day in the courtyard of the Tombs prison,
slept we'll the night before and ate good
breakfast within half an hour of his execu-
tiOn"' Well, the thought that he was get
ting out of New York probably accounts for
his COnipOSure,
THE Herald boasts that it Is the only paper
that publishes Talmage's sermon in this part
of the state, The other day one of the rural
| readers of that paper dropped in and thus ad-
dressed the editor-in-chief: "Ive jist been
a readin' Yalnage's sermon. and 1t sounds
jist tor all like had writ 1t myself. Theirs
| splashin' an dashin'of H--lI-for-Sartin
in it, and jist enough circus-bill eloquence to
stir up dimicrat on Election day, Won
der why the parson don't run for congress-"
THE New York assembly has passed the
bill allowing concert saloons to be accom-
panied with cOpious draughts of beer. Fire
water and music, as hath been said, possess
charms to so0the the savage breast, and it
should follow that the exhilerating elixer,
known as hop juice mash, interspersed with
strains of heavenly music drawn from a
violin by an intoxicated fiddler, is all that is
| required to charm New YOrk's populace. The
| Herald made Il yht for the bill, and claims,
undisputed, the glory OF its passage.
THERE have not been great many men
| in the history of the world who have sue
| ceeded In accomplishing wonders more than
once during their life times. II every man
had succeeded in anchoring his name to even
| one great achievement, history would neces-
| sarily have been built on much larger scale
| than 1t has, and our libraries would have
been by this time wonders in themselves in
size and matter. The man who spent the
| biblical three score years and ten trying to
| corral q wonder, finally succeeded, as is
attested by the new hotel, corner Tenth
street and Farnam and emphasized by other
evidences in the cellar thereof. In fact it
has been asserted that the wonder was more
stupendOus than was absolutely essential to
the perpetuity of the projectors name, and
that it would have answered just as well, for
all practical purposes, if he had only made
the excavation and not filled it with tin cans
or allowed it to be used for base ball
ground.
| THE unmarried ladies of Newton, New
| Jersey, have formed an anti vice association,
| and resolved to boycott all young men who
drink liquor or use tobacco. In view of this
| hish-handed and unheard of outrage, the
| question is presented how will this matter
end? There Is that old featherIess and
cOmely saying that what Is sauce for the
goose is sauce for the gander, and its appli-
cation IS liable to leave the fair creatures
| of Newton high and dry upon the banks of
that land where old maids marryeth not--be-
L t.,
| gallant gentlemen should order boycott
upon every lady who uses, or attempts to use,
| for any purpose whatsoever, paint or powder?
| Suppose the royal edict should rule that who
| soevei shall practice the savage customs of
| banging, or frizzing, the hair; or resort to
| the more hideouS custom of maintaining, for
| mans solo delight spit curlS or pug dogs
| wouldn't Newton present lonely and desc
| late appearance? We shudder to think of
these things, and wonder where 1t all will
end.
WITH the street sprinkler, the man with
| the straw hat and the days wnen the mer
| curry climbs upon the highest building in
town and looks down with scOrn upon the
scOrching streets crowded with swelterlng
| humanity, the circus season comes. The
gentleman who has Travelled IN all countries,
| and whose stories would make Baron Mum
| chausen weep comes along rs the advance
| agent of the "Earths Wonder" He has
grown round shouldered carrying the title of
colonel He pervades the newspaper sane
tum and expectOrates at random in the hotel
corridor. lie Is the harbinger of one happy
day for children, and the old folks are
| accordingly delighted to know that their
| stern aud solemn duty is to accompany the
| little ones to see the animals. The circus Is
one of mans richest creations in the .amuse-
ment line, and when old Noah started out
with his costly consolidation OF aggregated d
wonders, he established precedent and gave
caste to the menagerie business which will
make It through all ages the admiration OF
both old aud young. ., - ...