The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-10-08
LEVI'S SPITTOON.

After fifty quiet and obscure years, there took place great event in the life of Levi Sowzer, of Penny royal township. He was commis- stoned by the congregation of Elk Horn church to go down to Little Rock and buy new outfit of hymn books. Levi, when the congregation by rising vote had elected him, arose in crimson embarrassment, and said: "My dear brothers and sisters, Pm mighty afeerd that you have made mistake. Eve been livin' in the woods all my life an never have seed town that you couldn't kiver with good- sized hoss- blanket. My opinion is that it takes a putty sharp feller to buy them hyme- books. It strikes me that feller mout be able to pick out seed con an have putty far mack at trading hosses an still not be the right pusson to send alter hyme- books but, if you fellers insist, wy, she pops. may not fetch books with fancy kivers, but you may rest ashored that the insidcs will be all right"
 Lewis wife had seen good sociaty. She had, a short time previous to her marriage, spent few weeks at Fuckers Ford, visiting a family into which spittoons, as a social expert ment, had been introduced. She be- came very deeply impressed and, ever afterward, when she desired to lead conversation into a particularly re- fined channel, would speak of the spittoons at Fuckers Ford.
 Mrs. Sowzer was proud of her hus- bands hymn book appointment, but regretted deeply that the expense ap- propriation did not permit her to accompany him.
 "Levi," she said, 'you are goin' to see some fine society down thar"
 II reckon so, Sue"
 An don't want you to ack like you never seed nothin."
 "Pll try mighty hard not to-"
 ''In society, Levi, folkf estimate you good deal by what you have seed" !"
 That's what lowed"
 "Levi, they've got spittoons down thar"
 "Do you reckon SOP"
 "I know in reason they have, fur eff l recolleck right, them spittoons at Fuckers Ford come from thar. They've got lem in the churches down thar"
 "You don't say?"
 "Yes, an don't want you to hang back about spittin' in lem. No mat ter how putty they look, jist blaze away like you never did spit nowhar else"
 "I'll do it eff it takes the ha'r of in spots"
 Levi arrived in town late in the afternoon and put up his mule at a wagon-y yard. He heard that great revival was in progress at one of the churches, and he decided to go around that night and lend his influence to the cause. He was greatly astonished at the immensity of the church, but, determined not to betrav his lack of experience, he sat down with an air of self-assurance. He dodged when the organ began to rumble, but soon re- covered his self possession. He had taken large chew of tobacco just be- fore entering the church, and was much disappointed at not finding any spittoons. While, with bulging mouth, he sat lost in comparing the church with the log sanctuary where the people of his neighborhood wor- shiped, a deacon came around with a contribution box. Levi, thinking that the spittoon had arrived, discharged a half pint of "yaiier juice" into the box, and before the mortified deacon could snatch the box away, threw a quid of tobacco into it. A number of unregenerated fellows began to litter, and the deacon, enraged beyond self control, fiirted the contents of the box in Lewis face.