The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1887-03-31
A Jammed Man.

:
ache all over to make some one unhappy !?
Just. such an old curmudgeon was on
the train the other day when it stopped
at St. Thomas, and bridal couple entered
our car. We all knew it was bridal
couple, because there were friends down
to see 'em of, and the bride and groom
stood there and received the congratula-
tions for four or FIVE minutes. The bride
looked bit older than the groom, and
the minute the old curmudgeon noticed
this he slid over and planked himself in
the seat ahead of them, and after min
ute or two turned and said: /.
"Beg pardon, but you tell me who's
funeral that was back there?"
"Why, there was no funeralF' ex.
claimed the bride in answer.
"Ol thought there was" he said in
dry, sarcastic way, and he pretended to
read his paper for three or four minutes
before turning again with:
care you taking your son to the sea.
shore, ma'am?"
"No, sir. This is my husband!"
80, it is? I'd never have suspected
itp
Then he went on for quarter of an
hour, telling about a farm he owned in
Canada, and then suddenly inquired:
"Young man, I'd like to have you and
your aunt go and see the farm and make
me an offer for it."
The bridal couple turned white and
red and let go of hands for moment
while the old curmudgeon changed the
subject and began to talk about Niagars
Falls.
"Ever there he asked.
Both shook their heads.
"I'd advised you to stop off if yor
have time. It's a grand sight. I sup
pose, though, you want to arrive at Buf
falo at the same time with the body
What did he die of, ma'am?"
"I don't understand you!' she STAN
mered in a painful way.
20, beg, pardon, I somehow got i
into my head that you had been to
funeral, or we're going to one, or some
such thingp
He then related the particulars OF I
smashup on the road in which he had al
arm broken apd his wife was killed, ane
added:
"The case is in court yet, but I've los
my marriage certificate and can't prove
she was my wife and don't expect to &c
any damages. I think I understood yo'
to say, ma'am, that you had been mar
ried fourteen years."
20, no! no sir 4"
"Beg pardon, but perhaps it is onl.
nine or ten. What I was going to sa..
was that you ought to sacredly preserV
the certificate. I suppose you have
with you?"
Bride and groom looked at each othe
in CONSERVATION. The document hadn'
been thought of in their hurry and hap
piness.
"Was reading of a case the other day,
placidly continued the old wretch, "wher
a hotel keeper had couple sent to priso
for two years because they could nc
show marriage certificate
The bride turned so red that it SCENE
as if she would sufocate, and the grool
30 white that his ears looked like ne
. blottipg pads. That Vas the last stray
Five or six of US had been holding a
indignation meeting few seats bacl
and our delegate, who had whipped b
seventh man in the prize.ring, now wei
forward and whispered in the curmu'
geon's left ear:
, "Say, mister man, you let that coup
alone or I'll break your neck! Th
: thing has been carried far enough!"::
Certainly, certainly" said old mea
ness, as he got up. "EScuse me, ma'ar
and you, bub, and if you should ha'
, any trouble with the corpse in Bufal
don't fail"
The delegate choked him off there al
took him to the last seat in the car 81
. jammed him down and warned him
! stay jammed, and such looks of relief
stole over the faces of that bridal coup
E never expect to see again on earth.
= M. Quad, in Detroit Free Press.
:. The following is vouched for by
minister's wife, and therefore must be