News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-07

that it is wrong to work on Sunday, ex-
cept in cases of necessity
Boy (going on with his digging
''This is case of necessity. A feller
can't go tishin' 'thout bait. Life.
NO TAFFY FOR HER.
Old Gent-"How old are you, Fanny"
Fanny-'I was ten years old ON my
last birthday"
Old Gent-''You don't look to be so
old as that"
Fanny-"How you men do hatter us
poor women !''-Ieras jSiftiHqs.
NATURAL HISTORY NOTE.
The Graham boys report huge swal-
lowing. They say two king snakes un-
dertook to swallow ground rattle. One
commenced at his head and the other at
his tail. They swallowed until they
met and then swallowed each other
Jesup (Go.) Sentinel.
A CANDID PEDAGOGUE.
Father of Stupid Professor,
want you to teach this boy German and
French"
Professor-"Why do you want the
Germans and French to know what an
ass he is2 Isn't it enough that the Eng
lish speaking races should know it"
-I'eras .SJftings.
PRACTICALLY BENT.
Mamma: You're surely not afraid of
a gentle COW, Ethel Why, she gives
YOU all the nice butter for lunch, you
know.
Ethel (dubiously): The butter is Just
the part of her I'm afraid of, mamma
It'd Bits.
A SATISFACTORY EXPLANATION.
Old Regular (about to set 'en up)-
"Say, feller, why do you alwus shtick
yer hands in yer pockets 2"
Tramp-'I would not have de peelers
say dat go about nit empty pockets" "
-SJftings.
FULLY PREPARED.
Sympathetic clergyman to widowed
parishioner-Was poor Brother Salton~
stall prepared to go?
ConsOled widow-Yes, indeed. He
was insured in half a dozen companies.
A FLEEING CASHIER.
Plaoas,rn- -anolse.,. en- p,otfe 20 Nontreal-
Look here, my friend, four dollars is -
little steep"
Coachman-"You amt payin' it out
OF yer own money, are yer Z"
ODDS AND ENDS.
Mss NINA VAN ZANDT, OF Chicago,
has felon on her hands.
A BLIND man in Iowa can tell the color
of q red-hot stove simply by touching it.
ALTHOUGH not talkative at all, the
oyster is very pleasant companion at
dinner.
THE man who would pick another
mans pocket would write an anonymous
communication to newspaper.
We are more than ever persuaded that
as weather indicator, the American
grounding is liar and villain.
THREE courts have decided that a
marriage by telegraph is illegal. If you
want to make an abosolutly sure thing
of it, get married by minister.
A RICH man who began life as boot
black, having remarked that he had
taken a box at the opera, some one
meanly remarked if q brush went with
it.
AN anxious correspondent writes to
inquire what would be the effect of
war in Europe. In our opinion there
would be marked increase in the death
rate.
FIRST Young Boston Blood-Say,
DuXley, did you ever see the sun rise
Second Young Boston BloOd-No, Sam,
/ don't think l ever did. l don't re-
that ever staid up so late as
that.
A Boston commission house handled
two tons of cabbages so skillfully that
the shipper had 95 cents left after all |
were paid. If he sends an
other lot his own head will go along
with it.
CHINESE women are not permitted to |
swing on the front gate in their youth,
but when they become mothers-in-law
their sway is undisputed by sons-in-law,
and no paragraper pOkes fun at them.
Yet how many American girls would
.rade places with them.
A LITTLE girl living on Motion street
lsked her aunt the other day what was
he other name for Niagara Falls. Her
lunt said there was no other that she
Knew of. "Oh, yes there is" replied
he little girl, ''for know little girl
who has one on her eye" She meant a
They tell in Lewiston, Me-, OF an
FISHERMAN whose "saloon" used to be
IN Maine street, and who was the slow
sst man in the state. One day he died,
md soon after a citizen said to Erastus,
he oysterman's son: "Erastus, your
ather died rather sudden, didn't he ?"
Well, yes" said Erastus, Sudden for
Iim.
A CHICAGO newspaper tells of citi.
ZEN of that town who, going home the
'ther night after very heavy dinner,
stumbled up against an iron railing that
a statue. He carefully felt his
way around the railing several times,
nd at last, not finding any opening,
in a heap ON the pavement
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