News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-01-20
A BATCH OF STRAY JOKES
GATHERED IN FROM ALL QUAR-
TIERS FOR ONE TO SMILE OVER.
He was Badly Scared-Not Unusual-The
PrOmpter Was Heard-A Lawyers Brief
A Poor Mind Reader-The Main Ques-
tion-Odds and Ends, ETC.. Etc.

I
PrOmpter Was Heard-A Lawyers Brief
A Poor Mind Render-The Main Ques-
tion-Odds and Ends, ETC.. Etc.
POOR MIND READER.
Mabel-Oh! I am just crazy over
these mind-reading tests, aren't they
wonderful"
Augustus--I have not paid much at
tention to them.
'I'll tell you how it is done. Take
hold of my hand, there, that way"
| "Yes "
'Now, you must not press SO hard,
because you won't catch the-the i'm
pulses, you know"
'Ohr'
''There, that's right. Now tell me
what I'm thinking of.
"You are thinking that if I should
ask you very important question, the
most important of a lifetime, you would
have to say No"
"Oh! you're not mind reader"
'tNot?'
"Why no. The answer was just the
opposite. - Omaha World.
ABADLY SCARED BOY.
An elderly lady, Mrs. Samuelson, was
rescued from dreadful fate at the Aus
| tin depot of the International, Iron
Mountain and Great Northern Railroad.
She was standing on the track and did
not perceive the approach of the $50
south bound train. At the risk of his
life, Sam Johnsing, a colored boy, da h.
ed forward and rescued Mrs. Samuelson
from being crushed to death by the pom
derous locomotive. AS soon as Mrs
| Samuelson regained her composure she
said to her rescuer: ''Ill tell my son in
law to see that you are properly reward
ed" The heroic colored boy turned as
pale as ashes, and falling on his knees,
said: 'For de Lawd's sake, don't say
muffin to de Kunnel about my savin' de
life OBJ his murder in -law-or he will
war me out wild a stick. ."-IGras ISitt-
ings.
| HE WAS TIMING HIMSELF.
A messenger boy with lot of ticker
tapes in rolls strung on wire over his
shoulder stood before a Broadway
| jewelry store yesterday. He had cheap
watch in one hand, and had gazed al
| ternately at it and the chronometer in
the jewelers. window for three minutes,
when policeman said to him:
''Now, sonny, what are you loafn'
there for2n
"De boss told me to see how quick I
| could went wild de tapes, an how am l
to see till me crononmyter is right2"
THE ICE WAS BROKEN.
A Hart county beau visited his sweet
| heart. After sitting in silence for half
an hour, an idea struck him, and steal
ing glance at the girl on the other
side of the fireplace he whispered:
''Duz you love rabbits"
"Y- -e-s.n
"Hain't the gravy good?"
| The ice was broken, and in few mo-
ments both parties occupied one chair,
with every appearance of ease and COM
fort. .-HGrtaoeU (Ga.) Sun.
/ NOTHING UNUSUAL.
Mrs. Patrictan Cto new girO: 4 sup
pose, Bridget, you overheard my hus-
band and L conversing rather earnestly
this morning
Bridget: Indeed 1 did that, mum.
Mrs. P: Ihope you do not consider
that anything unusual was going on 2
Bridget: Niver bit, mum. l wanst
had husband meself, mum, an niver a
day passed that the neighbors didn't be-
| lave one or the other Nv us would be
kilt entoirly.-TId Bits.
THE MAIN QUESTION.
"Seen the new boy who has moved in
around the cornerp
"Yaas"
"Found out anything?"
'Lots. His father used to work in a
sawmill, and his mother was dress
maker"
'Humphl Who wants to know any
thing of the father and mother. What
we want to find out Is whether we can
lick the boy or have got to run for him."
-DetroH Free Press.
ONE FOR THE PRoMPTER.
| The actors of stock company had q
banquet 10 which, however, the faithful
prompter was not invited. He came,
| however
"Catiff!' roared the tragedian, "what
brings you here2"
Curiosity"
"CuriosityP
eyes, l have a curiosity to see if it is
possible for you hamfatters to open your
mouth for once without my assistance.
Austin Sytings.
| HINT BIG AS HOUSE.
They had been sitting for long time
in silence. Suddenly she woke from
reverie and said:
'It is an age of progress after all,
George"
.'Yaas," he replied, after drawing the
head of his cane from his mouth, "but
what led you to make the remark?"
well, not much" she gurgled, ''but
| saw in this evenings paper that you
can buy wedding rings on instalments."
Boston Courier.
A STREET-CAR EPISODE.
"Gentlemen," said a man in street
who was hanging by strap, there is
lady who would like q seat"
Silence ensued.
II guess 1 was Mistaken" remarked
the man.
"Why?" asked another "strapper."
Doesn't the lady want seat?"
II guess she does, was the reply,
"but it seems that all the gentlemen are
Standing."-PittSburg Despatch.
AT HAvARD.
Scene at Hazard college:
Junior Ctranslating New Testament)-
"And the an'-and the Lord said, Lord
said unto unto Moses" Here he hesi-
tated and looked appealingly to a
neighbor, who being also unprepared,
whispered, "Skip it" Junior (going
on)-"Aud tho Lord said unto Moses,
skip it."
Great CONSERVATION ensued. Teas
SVtings.
| A VALUABLE HINT.
Boss-'What can do for you"
Applicant-'T can do the same work
your present bookkeeper does for twenty
dollars a month cheaper"
"Thank you"
care you going to let me take his
place"
| I,