The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1887-10-27
THE MONKEY BARBER HEARD FROM
The Cooper Institute Artist Comments on
the New Muscular Race of Girls.

The Cooper Institute Artist Comments on
the New Muscular Race of Girls
Der young fellers which come by my shop to
got shafed, all der While. grade on dalking
apowd der new race uf young iaties which has
sbrung up ali uf a sudden, like elevated rail-
rotes in Prooklvn und scandals by der ministry.
1t seems der girls are all fencing, und boxing,
und swimming. und Walking, und rowing und
sailing until der average young man, whose
principal exercise is drying to make bote ends
meet, und who does holdings more violent
lifting peer glasses und changing his shirt dwce
a week, has to dake back seat, already.
Girls. am clad to hear dose dings abowd
you. l haf always lofed der whole sex, and now
am more broud uf you as effer. Der olt-fash-
ion blan uf drying to Git strong on ten-cent
novels-mit bractse for only Won arm in wrid-
ing to der NEWSPAPERS aloud der mans vot vons
gif der seats in der horse cars up. vos not gall
gulated to develop anydings except vot girl
could dake off at night und blaze on chair In
der secrecy uf her bedroom. Der most exercise
vot der girls used to dake vos done NIT chewing
gum and dressing fife times day.
Sometimes l wish | vas vonce again young
Teller SO could dry my hand at counting mod
could shark light weight. l could go in drain
ing for it. und dake boxing lessons by my sweet
heart. 1t musd peen peculiar to call q young
laty und gid invited to fence und walk fife miles
der bark arount. und all such dings till your
vaistband wont sbeak to your shirt und your
Clothes hang away from yourselluf so you
walk arount IN your vest mltout touching der
sites.
1 haf mentioned to my wife alretty dot
would cradely like to peen young man some
more on ackound uf der girls, und she forgets
herselluf und says if l vos der same mustard
haired Dutchman l used to peen when she mar
rit me would git aloud der same chances NIT
der girls like Statue py der bark. Dots
funny dirgs! mans wife bretends to lofe
him till she drinks he has found OVID she is not
der only voomans in der world. After dot she
shows him dot Won voomans is blenty, after all
Dot monkey barber by der pegsr chair-py
chimany hooky. it must peen sex months since
l hat mentioned dot Teller. He is der Won vot
makes NIT mine custimers monkey bricks all
der vhile He says der girls nowadays don't
cot some flies on 'em-voteffer dot shall mean
Vnen / asked him. ibid der girls used to peen
droubied NIT fesI he told me am too fresh to
Keep till winter
1 can't halluf der dime tell uf he vos lying or
making der trute. but he says he vos choost
recovered from courding Won uf der new sort uf
girls mid muscles like Langtry hustle on each
arm. He hat peen ornameuting her front barlor
four or fife weeks. yet. when suddenly she asked
him uf he had any indentons Der idea! Dot
Teller neffer vos guilty uf such dings like an
indention. He vent to see her because der peer
cost. holdings vot she gate him und he vos
pleased NIT her farder's cigars
81 aind got any indeEtions," sayt he; II haf
choost run ovid uf dem. Is there not Something's
else you would lke?" SO he vent on NIT his chokee.
Chimany hooky! Wait. you shall hear der negst
dings vot habbened.
Would you strike q HELPLESS grip
do I deceive my ears" she screamed: ''no
indeutions uud keeling me home from fife fenc-
ing lessons-to holdings uf vot der neigh
bors will dink." Und she grabbed him mid der
viudpipe und painted der vail NIT der hair oil
from his head out.
Presently she grew exhausted und stood der
poy up in der corner while she her sleefes rolled
for der second round MP. Der frightened poy
put ovid Won hand to safe hmselluf.
''Vot" she screamed: would you raise your
hand a vcomans? Would you sdrike q helb-
less grl2 Do dot vonce und call my farder."
''Oh. blease, for Heavens sakes, call your
farder." der monkey barber said, but py dot
time she had him py der looseness of his drous-
und shoost waved him arount like Indian
Club. Der poy brayed for der oft man come,
dinkiug he would sooner take licking from him
as die DIV der hand uf der daughter. Der most
of him escabed at last. and crebt py der DARK
streets home
I,don't know uf it is true not, but dot is vot
der poy has been giving He got from der
shop off for a week on ackound of it-vich makes
me dnk maype he made himselluf liar ovid
uf me,