davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
His Predicament.

Her witching bonnet trimmed with lace,
The sweetness of her upturned face
Enchant me.
Her figure trim, modish, petite,
Her slender hands, her dainty feet,
They haunt me!
dream of her the long night through,
And vow that bravely will WOO
And win her.
know she's good and kind and true;
love her better than / do
My dinner.
IA
love her fondly, yet know
I'd never dare to tell her so
Or pet her.
And while I'm waiting, I'm afraid
Some other chap will court the maid.
And get her.
-Somerville Journal.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
STORIES ABOUT MEN.
Bits of Human Nature Taken From
Greatness,

Greatness.
Among the remarks addressed by the fam
Gus Justice Duffy, of New York, recently to
prisoners before him and to persons asking
the release of prisoners, The Sun recalls
these
To boy-You are an incorrigible boy,
you villain, you swashbuckler, you bandit,
you bravo. l shall have to send you up for
seventeen years. Officer, put him in a cell
with rats, big muskrats Give him bread
and water for six years. How old will he be
when he comes out?
(Asidel-Let him 60 in an hour.
To an intoxicated wOman-You say you are
married. You are married to whisky. Six
months.
To a fghter-You are a ranger. You
knock down and drag out people Your face
gives you away. l give you ten days. If
you come here again 1 will give you ten
years.
To rounder-You are an Irish bum. You
have not washed yourself in two years.
To the audience-Any of you women out
there who have pots and pans and children
to take care Of had better go home. l am
tired Of looking at you out there. Go home.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
A Rude Awakening.

She had face surprising fair;
All men admired her beauty rare:
And l?
Well, / adored her, nothing less;
To be with her was happiness 20
Three ply.
OF course she knew; she was not bhnd;
She saw my plight, and she was kind
And good;
For when l asked her if she'd wed
A chap like me, she blushed, and said
She would.
Oh, then the summer quickly flew =
Till the time came to say adieu --s=-~i
One night.
She promised when l went away
That every single blessed day
She'd write.
But her first letter drove me mad
Almost, with wild despair, for sad
To tex.
This lovely maid, for whom yearned
So lovingly, had never learned
To spell.
journal of Education.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15

result of popular open air game, and it be-
gins to look as though the coming American
would hear with one overgrown telephone
car, while the other will be rudimentary
only. He will have an abnormal baseball
arm with lawn tennis elbow, powerful,
football kicking leg with the superior toe
driven back into the palm of his foot He will
have highly trained biceps muscle over his
eye to retain his glass, and that eye will be
trained to shoot a curved glance over high
hat and witness anything on the stage.-Bin
Nye in New York World.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
Judge.


NHtn the Game used 10 De Exciting.
What, lost an eye, leg, an arm
And Of your nose bereft?
tor veterans, sir, my heart is warm;
Let's shake the hand that's left.
A comrade l am proud to see,
comrade of the war,
Pray tell me, sir, are you, like me,
One of the q. A. r!
Inever joined the G. A. r.
The stranger thus began, -
And became not in the war
a mutilated man.
He drew his form erect with pride,
And flushed his visage pale
AS in eXulting tones he cried,
fused to kick with Yale.
Boston Courier.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
Easily Managed,

Agent showing a Harlem f1at)-And this,
madam, is the servants room.
Madam obviously small for my
girl. She's feet TO-
Agent-Oh, there will be no trouble about
that, madam. assure you. The family who
last occupied the fat employed girl 6 feet
tall
Madam-How did she manage it?
Agent-She let her feet hang out in the
hall.-The Epoch.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
Gave Her a Chill.

Madam to servant)-What is Miss Clara
doing in her room, Marie!
Servant-She is reading love story by
Howells, mum.
Madam-And what did she ring for?
Servant-She wants more coal on the fire,
mum.-New York Sum-
Business Very Quiet.
Lady Ito drug clerk)-A two cent stamp,
please. .,,
Clerk absent minded)-Yes, madam. VIII
YOU take it with you or have it sent.-Har-
pers Bazar.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
The Czar Spoke English.

The late Maj. Mordecai, Of North Carolina,
met the car of Russia once, and in the course
of the conversation, which was carried on in
French, addressed him as Monsieur" Turn
ing to Gen. Mcclellan, the major said: "D-n
the fellow, called him mister" The car,
with smile, remarked: "Let us talk Eng
lish, we can get along better" The North
Carolinian didn't cuss the czar any more dur
ing that inteIview.-Atlanta Constitution.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
Montana All Ready.

Omaha Man-Montana wants to come into
the Union, eh?
Montana Man-That's just what we're
after, and we'll make it, too
81 did not suppose Montana had enough
population"
"Great Scottl We've got 100000 cattle,
100, 1000 horses, 100000 sheep and no end of
hogs.-Omaha World.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
Parking on the Back Seats.

A story comes from Belgium to the effect
that once upon time dog found his way
into the cha~ber of deputies just as prolix
member was boring the house with a
harangue. The tediousness of the speech
was soon appreciated by Carlo, who gave
vent to his feelings in barks. And on the
morrow the stenographers' report of the
speech had at various points the interpola-
ton Barking on the back seats).-Boston
TNr,n,,cnrirnt
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
Not an Encouraging Prospect.

Doubtful Party Ito gentleman)-Can you
assist me, sir, to trife! I'm stranger in
strange land 10000 miles from home.
Gentleman-My consciencel Where is
your home:
Doubtful Party-Australia.
Gentleman (handing him cent)-How do
you ever expect to get back there?
Doubtful Party balancing the penny
Well, if l don't do better than this, sir,
s'pose I'll have to walk.-Drakes Travellers
Magazine
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
In the Thieves Quarter.

A.-What's going on over at your house,!
l hear music and dancing.
B.-Yes, we have got little family cele-
bration.
''What the occasionT
Zone OF the boys has just got home from
the penitentiary. Prom the German.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
HaNinp a lovely Time.

She witnessing game of footbalD
are they doing now, George?
He-They're putting Browne, one of the
half backs, into an ambulance. -Four of his
ribs are broken and his spine is bent
She (enthusiastically)-O isn't it all so
very interesting and exciting!-New York
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
Theory and Reality.

First Editor-What are you writing on,
Georges
Second Editor-"M Mistakes of Financiers," !"
and wish l was through with it. You've fin
ished your article see.
eyes. mine was on simpler subject, The
Way to Wealth. By the way, George, lend
me quarter"
ssHavent dime to my name, Jack.
Omaha World.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
BEFORE 10.

Judge B. with emphasis)--Clara, is that
fellow coming round here again tonight?
Clara hopelessly)-I believe SO, papa.
Judge B.-Well, daughter, remember this:
This house closes at 10, sharp, and
Clara (hastily)-Oh, George will be here
before that, papa; please don't worry
Harpers Bazar.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
WOman's Voice.

love q low, sweet voice in woman,
1t brings balm to heart and ear;
Il can more readily subdue man
Than eyes, however brightly clear.
The low. sweet voice speaks rarer, truer
Than all Of beauty's charms combined:
70 hear well you must come close to her
Another charm in that find.
nlrrc
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
Caught.

He-What viii you have, DEAR candy or
ice cream!
She-No Edward; get me some pop corn,
please.
He-Do you like that stuff!
She-Yes; l like everything that pops
Harper's Bazar.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
Not "A Chance TO BE Neglected.

Mistress who has been Out)-Why, Bridget,
where is the statue of the Venus of Milo:
Bridget fresh importation)-Wan av them
Oitalian image men, mum, came along an
said that lie cud fix it as good as new for fifty
cents, mum, an | laved him the job.-New
York SIM
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
Purely a Business Trip.

"What do you suppose Jay Gould crossed
the ocean forF'
Don't know. Maybe he wanted to see
how the water was holding out."-Chicago
News
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
Erief and Bright.
PHILADELPHIA, Oct. IS, 1887.

PHILADELPHIA, Oct. Is, 1887.
Robert J. Burdette, Bryn Mawr Pa:
DEAR SIR-Some weeks ago mailed you let
ter with check. Receiving no acknowledgment
of it thus far am anxious to know if it reached
you safely. Yours truly,
CYRUS II. X. CURTIS.
II.
BEANvILLE, Mass, Oct &c, 1887.
1t came and went
Was cashed and spent,
Part for clothes and part for rent.
Yours as ever,
ROBERT j. BURDETTE.
The Journalist
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
Richteously Indignant.

Young Jinks-Why are you not at worka
Young Blinks-My employer discharged
me this morning; but that isn't the worst
of it.
"EhT'
"He actually kicked me out of the place
kicked me out SIR
"Well, what are you going to dog
81 shall send in ply resignation at once
Omaha World.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
4 Hot Weather Girl.

1--we got splendid girl. l call her my hot
weather girl on account of her name"
what is her name!"
"Fan."-New York Sun.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
Discountinr the Future.

1eacher-Maryl and what is your last
name?
Young Woman-I can't tell just yet; but I
guess 1t will be Smith-Boston Transcript
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
THE FUTURE MAN.
Bill Nye Discusses Him from a Scientific
StandpOint.

ITHOUT wishing
to alarm the Amer
lean people, or Gre
ate a panic, | desire
briefly and serious
ly to discuss the
great ques stion,
"Whither are we
driftingf' and what
is to be the cOndi-
tion of the coming
man! We cannot
shut our eyes to the
fact that mankind
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
Bostonian, but Easily Understood.

The small boy in frolic
Robs the orchard Of its apples,
and his in'ards cruel collie
: subsequently grimly grapples.
Boston Courier.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
QUAINT SAYINGS OF CHILDREN.
THE SHADOW OF COMING CARE.

Mary to Alice - Your doll looks very
poorly. What ails it? Alice-It frets good
deal Alfred knocked out one of its eyes last
week, and it lost great deal of sawdust, and
hasn't been the same doll since.
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15

With our digits growing numb
To the core,
We believe that winters come
AS of yere;
And we delicately toy
With a jokelet, sweet and coy,
As we hear the Office boy:
sClose dat door,"
:. Texas SiftingA
Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15

Miasm Engendered by the Suns Rays.
Poison Breathed by the Children of
irtx
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-06-08
$50 HOrrid. +"

He was an anomaly among his kind
"a modest reporter. He had dropped
into the Elite Club ballroom to write
a ten-line notice of the affair.
Suddenly he found himself confront
ed by bejeweled and bedecked lady,
who said, sweetly:
"Ah. know you; you're one of those
horrid reporters, aren't you?"
Il am reporter, madam
Il knew it. And you've come to
write all sorts of horrid things about
us poor ladies, who can't help our
selvesp
Indeed, madam, /"
40. yes, you will l just think you
reporters are too horrid for anything!'
81 am not ="
"You go and put all sorts of things
in the paper about us. It's just dread
full! / get real cross about 1T y
Il assure you, madam, that"
40, well, 1 suppose it's your bust
ness to be so horribly awful sup
pose now you have come to write up
all the costumes in your horrid way;
and you'll have all our names in the
paper, too
o.,
40, know you will You always
say you won't, and then you do!
You're just so dreadful! I do think
it's too provoking in you! We poor
ladies can't do thing that you don't
put it in the paper!"
Il intend writing nothing but brief
notice of this ball! J"
40. we'll, 1 suppose you'll put in
some names; SO here is my card, so
that the name won't be spelled wrong,
as it was in your account of Mrs. De
Whites party And there's a good
description of my costume on the back
of the card! Don't forget to write
diamond ornamentsP think I'm real
good to take so much trouble for you,
when you are so perfectly horrid as to
go and put it all in the papers. o,
you wicked, naughty, horrid man. 1t
makes me cross to look at you! Good
by Be sure you get my name right
this time You'll be more horrid than
ever if you don't!"-Z. d., in P,Iek.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-06-08

THE laborer, who wears out all his pow
ers in the machinery of life's work and
takes no part in it's thought and magma
ton, and the thinker who wears out his
brain before its time, and has no part in the
practical activity of life, have each lost
much of the pleasure that rightly belongs
to them. They may be unconscious of the
fact, but it is nevertheless true that the
health, happiness, aud real effectiveness Of
every man can be gained only by harmoni-
Gus union of labor and thought.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-06-08

A PoACHER who was down on his luck
made predatory expedition into the county
adjoining his own, and secured a sheep, as
he supposed, in the dark. When he got
home he found he had knitted his best bird
dog, and carried its body seven miles
across lots. Then he felt like preaching
large, round, trisyllabic words at the moon
for not showing up so that he could tell o
sheep from dog.-Chicogo Ledger.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-06-08

THE ancient Roman bedsteads we're of
considerable height, requiring foot stool
or set Of steps TO get into them, and were
made like our largest sized sofas with
headboard, sometimes a corresponding one
against the foot, and high back at the
further side but entirely open on the one
on which the occupant entered. The frame
was strung with girths, which supported
thick mattress, on which were supported a
bolster and pillow.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-06-08

He (poeticaD-Why should fear to
sip the sweets of each red lip? She
(practicaD- necessity for alarm at
ALL I use a vegetable color which is
not poisonous.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-06-08

vIcroR HUoo once said of the Du-
mas, father and son, that the elder had
genius without talent and the younger
had talent without genius.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-06-08
Human Nature.

Time washes away the customs and
opinions of mankind, but human nature
remains the same in its essential quail
ties or principles.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-06-08

In the days of Rome's greatest pros
perity-that is, during the reign of
Augustus-the circumference of the
city inclosed by walls was about twenty
miles.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-06-08

The London Society of Arts offers
two gold and four silver medals for the
best electric light motors.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-06-08

ADAM had to be tempted to eat the
apple, but Yankee drinks applejack
naturally.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-06-08

Subject OF lesson for June 10, @The Com
mandments" Elk. 30: 1921.
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1887-07-01
From Tuesdays DAILY FREE PREss.I


"A license TO wed was to-day granted
TO +. c. Ludke and Mary M. Kraus.
Mrs. w. II. b. Smyth will tender a
lawn party on Friday evening to num-
Der of the young friends of Miss Villas.
"A noticeable improvement in the
sidewalks has been made in the last
month. Still there is room for more.
Mr.. and Mrs. l.. Patterson took pos
session of their new cottage at Point
Pleasant, Lake Madison, yesterday and
with the children will spend most ofthe
summer there.
We must request our correspondents
10 confine their contributions to matters
of news only, and that of an interesting
character. Our columns are crowded,
and we have no occasion to "fill up"
with unimportant matter.
1t is rumored that an Injunction is
about TO be secured restraining the city
council and city recorder from granting
licenses 10 sixteen saloon keepers on the
ground that they have violated the ordi.
nances of the city relating to Sunday
closing and selling liquor to drunkardi
and minors.
Mr.. S. +. Alberger and Mr.. Hurt
his engineer, left for st. Paul Sunday
morning in a row boat and expected tc
arrive there last night. They remained
over Sunday night at Henderson. Mr.
Alberger's motive in going IN boat wal
TO ascertain whether there were too
many snags in the river to allow |
steamer TO ply between here and st
Paul. They will return by rail,
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1887-07-01
From SATURDAYS DAILY FREE Pass. I


Charley Yates is buildings neat res
idencc on Center street, near Judge
Mead's home.
"A meeting of the Board of Educa-
ton was held last night, but nothing was
done except the election of Miss
Martha Nicholson as teacher in the 9Th
and 9th grades of the Union school. The
question of ventilation was discussed at
length. but no action was taken.
-Mankato will not take any 81 900 Ii
cense under the new law, but is per-
fectly willing to be called city of less
than 10000 people. in order that she
NAV evade the higher and come In I'M
der the 500 license. Some things work
radical changes and this Is evidently
one of them.-St. Peter Herald.
Why don't you tell the truth ifyou are
going to say anything about the matter?
The Herald knows that the liquor law
does not contemplate that a city shall
take a census in order to determine what
license shall be charged. According to
the last official census Mankato did not
have 10000. Although it is well known
the city will. number more than that
now, there Is no official authority on the
subject, and therefore no way to make
the license 81 200. When We have
another census, Mankato will show up
with from 10000 to 1900, and the sa-
loonists will have TO pony up" accord
ingly-or 90 to St. Peter, where there is
no danger of their ever reaching the
81 900 limit.
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1887-07-01
DEATH OF REV. N. HOBART.

Rev. Norris Hobart died at five o'clock,
Saturday afternoon at his residence on
Record street, from the effect of two
paralytic strokes received last week.
Mr.. Hobart was seventy-six years OF
age and had been resident of Mime
sofa for more than thirty years-of Man
kato for twenty years. The last ten
years he had resided here permanently
and before that time was here more OF
less. For fifty years he had been an
honored member of the ministry of the
Methodist Episcopal church, and had,
during his busy life, been presiding
elder of nearly all the districts in Min
nesota, including the Mankato district.
OF late wears he had not been an active
member of his profession. Mr.. Hobart
was twice married and leaves four
daughters and one son, the daughters
being Mrs, Hiram Straight, of Minneap-
oils; Mrs. Gregg, of Rapidan; Mrs.
Phelps, of Cannon Falls; and Mrs.
Cross, of Minneapolis. His son, Daniel
Hobart, leves in New Mexico. Mr.. Ho-
bart's twin brother, Rev. Chauncey Ho-
bart, has been ut his bedside during his
illness, together with the daughters.
These brothers were thought to be the
oldest living twins in the state. Mr..
Hobart was well known throughout the
state. lie was ane of Minnesota's pio-
neers, having come here before the ter
ritory was organized into statehood.
The remains were taken to Cannon
Falls this afternoon, via the Cannon Val
ley R.R., where they will be inferred in
the family burying ground. The body
was accompanied to the depot by the
Masons, Of which society the deceased
was a member, and by large concourse
of friends. The sorrowing wife and
children and brother accompanied the
remains to Cannon Falls, as did also
Messrs. Kennedy and Hugh McMmtrie,
as representatives of the Masonic order.
Mrs. Hobart will remain at Cannon Falls,
taking up her residence with her sister,
Mrs. Phelps.
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1887-07-01
Summer Excursions.

The Chicago & Northwestern Railway
has placed on sale cheap excursion tick
cts TO Buffalo, Niagara..Fall Chautauqua
Lake, Ogdensburg and Rouse's Point, N.
Y; Portland, Me-, Montreal and Que
bee; Concord, Fabyans, North Conway
and Plymouth, N. H., via Boston, Alex
andria Bay Thousand Islands), Brant-
ford. Berlin. Belleville, Brockville,
Goderich, Coburg, Guelph, Hamilton,
Kingston, London, Ottawa, Port Hope,
Prescott and Toronto, Ont; Bellows
Falls, Bethel, Braintree, Burlington,
Hartford, Montpelier, Northfeld, Roy
alton, Rutland, st. Adams, Springfield,
Waterbury, White River Junction. VT,
and other Eastern points; also tickets to
Denver, Salt Lake City, Portland, Ore
gon, San Francisco, Los Angeles, San
Diego and many other points in the
West and Northwest. For rates and full
information apply to Ticket Agent z. 4
NV. R'y. 2wSt
The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1887-07-01
THE COUNCIL MEETS.
Liquor Licenses Granted and Bids
Opened-Equalizatio of As
SeSSmentS Begun.

The council met at ten o'clock Monday
morning to take action on the applica-
tons for liquor licenses. There being no
complaints, licenses were ordered grant
ed to all the applicants except Messrs.
Robson and Herbert on condition that
they comply with the state law and city
ordinances. The applications of Messrs.
Robson and Herbert were laid over.
Plumbers licenses were granted to
Brown q Wichersham and +. NJ. Pope.
The chairman on city property was
authorized to rent the city hall for
sleeping purposes during the encamp-
ment.
The G. d n. w. r. X. was ordered to
place tlagman on Rock street.
Bids for grading Pleasant street were
opened and stood as follows:
II. Paddock So $50
John Mahowald 80. NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.. 1850
The city engineers estimate for the
work was 5000. The contract was
awarded to Mr.. Paddock. w. w. Pad
dock and NJ. j. Coon are the sureties
and the bond given is $40.
A bid was received for grading Walnut
Sixth and Second streets and certain al
leys from John Mahowald for S4,167-
81 ,S02 for Walnut street and S2,365 for
the rest. The city engineers estimate
for the work is 1920. The contract
was awarded to Mr.. Mahowald.
Schroeder brought up the question of
sprinkling Second and Third streets dur
ing the encampment. He was appoint
ed a committee of one to see what ar
rangements could be made for the
work.
The council then resolved itself INTO a
committee of the whole on the equaliza-
ton of tax assessments, with Aid. Wood
in the chair.