Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1887-03-18
BETTER STOP EATING.
Probable Evolution of the Prohi-
bitiORist.
The Time Coming When a Political
Party Will Rise in Opposition To the
Deadly Piatter--A satirieal View OF
the Subieef

Party Will Rise in Opposition to the
Deadly Piatter--A satirieal View OF
the subject.
From Puck
There are more people killed or dis
abled by excessive eating than by drink
ing. Cincinnati Commercial Gazette.
Tie above is undoubtedly true. Take
the tramp, for instance; he does nothing
but drink, and see how hardy he is If
be were properly fed. he would not be
able 10 do half the walking he does. No
man ever got the dyspepsia from drink
lug; but he is often advised by his
physician TO drink for the purpose of
aiding digestion. You can get trichinosis
from eating pork. but not from drinking
Chateau Larose. 1t is said that canned
tomatoes have tendency to produce
cancers, but this can not be said of
bottled beer. In short, drinking is not
half AS injurious as eating About the
only thing you can drink that is really
injurious Is water When you go into the
country to live, you are always told to
look out for the water. The best way to
look out for ii is TO drink elaret. You can
get more govt out of pair of canvas
back ducks than you can out of a barrel
of apple Jack. When an athlete is in
training, he is allowed to drink ale, but
not to eat antelope and baked beans.
After while the prohibitionist party
will be composed of men opposed to eat
ing. Its orators will speak of the baleful
influence of the terrapin stew, and re-
quest good men not TO look upon the lob
ster when its red. Men ambitious to wed
amiable young women will vow that they
are not addicted to the flowing plate
Other men will be pointed out as objects
of charity and pity. because they are
hard eaters. Aud they will be told that
they would be all right if they would eat
less and drink more
Men will probably have their noses in>
carnadined with chicken croquette bios
SONS. and the butcher will have the same
political influence that the dispenser of
rum now has. Restaurants will be tabooed
as mutton shops and turkey bells, and
the Demon Beef will be spoken of. by
| the drinking lecturers who make a crusade
against the table as being helpless cap.
tives in the chains of veal. A certain
well known drama will be changed to
Ten Nights in Restaurant.
There can be no doubt that eating is
more injurious than drinking. Every ami
mai that eats is the victim of some ailment
or other. The cow has garget, aud the
chicken has chicken-pox But it is not SO
| with fishes, because fishes live on water
Fishes are always fat aud healthy. You
| never strike thin fish. as you do turkey
| II The fish came GA land and lived on corn,
he might get thin; and perhaps if the tur.
key took 10 the water and went scratching
around coral caves among the celluloid
| jewelry, be might get so fat that be could
| be converted into cod-liyer oil 1t would
be pleasant 10 see the turkey Tapping
over the water like tomahawk, waiting
for chance 10 swoop down upon tine
| French fat>fSh
/ We quite agree with the Cincinnati
! t'01anlere'o', that there are more people
killed by eating than by drinking. The
curse of the bar-r0om is the gratuitous
lunch, not the fifteen-cent beverage. Il
is eating that brings on nightmare that j:
worse than d. l., for d, t. is straight
| serpent that YOU can sccustom yourself
to. while nightmare is Kaleidoscope as.
s0rtment of terr0rs that there is no
standing When you are Frustrated BY
| the immature cucumber. or the green
cholera bullet of the Hesperides. you car
put 10 brandy. but show US where you
are given green fruit TO cure trouble
brought on by drink. We are told thai
wine is a mocker. So is the catbird q
moeker; but, still, there are no flies tc
speak of on the blackbird. We woulG
much prefer a hogshead filled with wine
to a hogshead converted into head
cheese; and We think that the cocktail is
| Just as far ahead of the oxtail as ryt
| whisky is ahead of rye bread.
Therefore, waiter, bring US with alacri.
ty, fine rum omelette, with the omelettt
omitted, and we will answer the conun.
drum. why the wealthy philan thropisti
erect free drinking fountains in the city
and not free eating houses, and tell yor
why it is that the horn of plenty is j
Collins. r. A. NJ.