Wessington Springs herald. (Wessington Springs, Aurora County, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-1891, 1887-01-21
FUN.

run.
ALWAYS behind hand-your cuff
WHAT makes the cats go softly D..
A FANCY population-peoplinp y
mr..
A CREATION of "the fancy"-a b,,.
eye.
A FAINT pocket-book never wo,
fair lady.
The man who wakes strong every d.,
the shoemaker.
SOLOMON was no dude, although l.
Grst suggested parting the hair in n.
middle. 1t wasn't his own hair, though
A SCIENTIST went out the other ni,1.
in gale to see what color the win,
was and found it blew Carl Prefer,
Ueehly.
II must have been O cue-rious mo,
who said that he should like to iobt
his cigar with billiard match.-Cor
Pretzeps JFeekly.
A CHICAGO editor says there are nor.
pretty girls out there to the square acn
than any other town. We do not kno,
about that, but there are good
many of them to square feet. Detrol
Free Press.
A CERTAIN clergyman, noted for Ion,
sermons, reached eighteenthly once
Pausing for breath, he said: "Apd
what shall I say more?" when rotund
Methodist brother astonished him b,
earnestly responding: "Amen."
In his famous essay on Milton
Macaulay says: "As civilization ID.
vances, poetry almost necessarily DE-. /
clines." Civilization must have mazda
some wonderful strides in the last few
years, Judging by the poetry.-Ta.
Bits.
SCHOOL Director-Your pretention,
to ability to take charge of tie school
are not satisfactory. Applicant still
have my leading feature in reserve.
"What is that?" II am cross-eyed, o.
you may have noticed. I can keep a
whole school in order ct once"
CHARGE of larceny, your honor.
Stole two oil paintings from the plain. J
tiff. " Prisoner, what have you to say?'
"Not guilty. You see, your honor, my +
business is restoring portraits and paint /
ings" "Well?" "How can I restorv
oil paintings if I don't have them 70
carry back to the owner ?"-Chicago
Ledger.
"WHY don't you bring your friend
around to the house, Mr.. Featherly?"
inquired Bobby, as that young man
seated himself in the parlor. II. have
q good many friends, Bobby" replied
Featherly, indulgently. (Which friend
do you mean?" "John Barleycorn. Pa
says you are q great friend OF his"
WHEN one of Prof. Stoves students,
in q quizzing mood, interrupted the
lecture to inquire how it happened that
John, who was only fisherman, oh.
tanned such ready entrance to the high
priests house on the night of the trial,
quick as flash came the answer: a
don't know; perhaps he sold him fish"
"WE had reign of terror at our
clearinghouse last night" observed
Joggins. "Ah!" replied Fitzpercy. eyes,
I heard racket in the kitchen, and
when q lot of boarders went to see
what it was, the cook and chamber
maids were throwing fower-pots at each
other like all possessed" IL should
think that was more of n rain of terra
Gotta. lid Bits.
"WHo MADE you?" asked the Sunday
school teacher, addressing the little boy
from the slums II dunno" answered
the boy, as he scratched the shin of lis
right leg with his left heel "Well
God made you," said the teacher.
"That 500" replied the boy. Then he
added: II guess ] kinder heard O. that
before, but I'm like my old man;
never was good at rememberin' Names
Boston Courier.
A GREAT INVENTION.
Why do the people look and laughe
What is this funny sight?
Tho young man has q stylograph.
And the blamed thing won't wrira
Just see it all his wiles resist.
Now would you really think,
Considering how he pounds his fist.
Tho thing was full of ink7
He thinks perhaps it may not be,
Or else is clogged WITH dirt.
And 80 unscrews it carefully
My! see his inky shirtl
He chucks the pen into his desk.
And shuts it with slam.
His monologue is picturesque,
And winds up with-ake,n
-So,nerrille Journal
CARL PRETZEI,S PHIYnSflDuY