Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1887-10-05
wTTICISMS

There is nothing in this world that is
meaner than q liar, unless, perhaps, it is
another liar.-SOmerrile Journal.
The single eye glass is worn by the dude.
The theory is that be can see more with
one eye than he can eomprehend.-Er-
change.
'tIs this the mail carr" asked a pas
senger,
YES, sir" replied the humorous con-
ductOr; this is the smoker, "-YORkerS
Statesman.
Why is a jack-o-lantern like a watch
KEY? Because there'sa b in both. IN. b.
This answer will fit any conundrum =
Independent.
Pat stole a watch, Mike a COW, and both
were arrested. What time is it?" says
Mike. Faith" answered Pat, lust
milking time. "-Erehdnge.
The story of q worm that eats steel
rails is declared to be a hoax" This sur
prises us. We supposed it was an infer
nal lie.-NorriStOrH Herald.
Mr.. Gladstone thinks this country has a
remarkable constitution. 1t has. At the
age OF 100 it has more vitality than ever
before. Boston Post.
A Philadelphia writer thinks all engine
drivers should have telescopes. 4 good
many of them have had them already
Louisville Courier Journal.
Indianapolis, Ind, has q woman whose
voice can he heard for a mile. We do not
know what her calling is, but she must
be successful in it.-BErliagtOn Free Press.
Hon Thomas Powell is deyoting himself
aSSiduOusly to the tariff question, but
Foraker is confident of carrying Ohio if he
can get Mis-. Foraker ~"Snubbed' often
enough.-&. Louis Republican.
BrOwn-That's a very killing bonnet
your wife wore TO the theater LAST night.
Smith-SO / believe. The fellow who sat
behind her twisted his neck off trying TO
see around it-Ph7adephid NerS.
Gentleman who has wandered by mis-
take into a saloon next door to a printing
Ofict)-'DO you do cOloTed printing here?'
Bartender politely -"Only red, sir. -
Burlington Free Press.
81 sn. cerely trust that you will favor me
with a remittance" wrote the creditor.
The reply came back: "lf You sincerely
trust what in the thunder are you in such
a hurry about ?'- Washington Critic.
A sacque for a Canadian girl is to be
made entirely of cat skins. 1t will be
rather awkward if she shall feel the back
of her new garment rising whenever she
calls her pug for a walk.-LOuISriHe
Courier Journal.
what a noise some people do make eat
ing clans" said a Rhode Islander to his
New York guest. yes" responded the
New Yorker, but you should hear the
eorn-eat by Levi at COney Island. "-h-
dependent
Young men are admonished of the fact
that if they expect to have respectable
sized muStaches for the coming winters
wind to blow through they should start
them now. No time should be lost.-Hot
Springs Sentinel.
There arei 1000 lakes in the State Of
Minnesota, and the Minnesota man who
can drink whisky straight in the face
of all that cold water lying idle would
have nerve enough TO run for the Presi-
denry or kick his mOtber-in-llw Charles
iO,rR Enterprise.
Il say, pard," exclaimed an old topper
to another, isn't it about time we began
to follow the example OF the Knights Of
Labor in dealing with the federated
uniOns?"
What's that" asked his companion.
Treat on even tsrms.'- Darlington Free
Press.
No one of us has probably been guilty
of all the sins to which we confess on YCm
Kippur, but all Of us are liable to COMM
them at some time during life, and all of
them have been committed by some one
or another of our brethren, and each OF us
is responsible for the wrong Of ALL
american HebrsIr.