Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-06-05
BILL ME-.
ni. Jiel. o. Eror"nty, aud "A sew rh'Io-
suplical Remarks "n '"" various "r"''N
q! Vurb-r shops.

| blacks, shaving tNp'HN''' ""'"'' "
and showed how millions of the people
money were annually s~qnandrret III TN
WAY that ought to 90 towards huyini
hooks. The article set me to shlnK
inc and | resolved to investigate it. wa
more especially taken with the idea OF eN
travaganve in the matter ol baIpeIs AM
barber shops. You can go To Il gorgeous
shop and pay - cents and tlp FOR shave
or Won can 90 where you may AVOID th'
Tin or Won can 90 to u 10 cent snow, or yo'
can ret shaved on the Bowcry for = cents
ar Won can ignore the whole business an'
LET the wind blow through your whiSkrrS
Now. let us enter the seductive and IRA
Grant field of statistics for a momen ant
see how we may economic. Ii we shave
every dav and tin the barber ut II l5-cenI
sbor where we are dealt with in Il gcntI,
and Snoihing way by talented men, we can
readily see that it is no great Trick 10 III
vest 50 to 500 per year. w
II we lower Il standard Il little anc
get 4 plain l5-ccnt shave, with nI
funny business, we can pu,
the bill at say $50, and we vii
set lust Us good Il shave, though OF course
n younr man with a clinging naturt-ont
| who mines to he lnndled by some one al
the time-would miss the carcSs when :
tip generally calls forth. This little SkeiEh
is not Tor him. If no else ever speaks
a kind word to him or pats his Adam'
annie with a powder pull in Il playful, ban
tering way, | do not chide him Tor tipping
n barber over and Ovcrit he warts To III or
| der 10 secure those attentions from one oil
! his own sex.
Carving the matter still further, we
! find that by going down on the Bowery We
can get 4 good, clean shave for IKE cents,
with bay rum and cOcOaine. In VIII
cost So per year. Or we can allow oul
h,ards 10 grow wild and woody, with irl%-
mcnts of cracker and autumn leaves III
them, at a very tri1ingc expense.
Last week was thundcrstruck when !
found how much could he saved by chang
ing from a IL cent barber to a five cent
barber. and keeping it up for a year.
| Counting 300 days rs 4 fair estimate o. the
number ON which | would he apt to shave,
found that by this changed l
could have ut the end OF the
wear $50, with to buy books or
rroSs-barrrd trousers, or any other
means of intellectual improvement which
might choose. could buy one of those
| expensive books that Mr.. DcLuN OCCASION
ally Gets out, or | could hear Patti, or buy
a small hut fragrant dog for $50. | could
also buy myself some more HAIR or get my
teeth filled. | could take 4 classical course
on the banjo or buy an interest IN a bird
dog with $50.
But | wanted, more than anything else,
10 get more books. | wanted Il new pho
togrlph album most Of all. An album
with illustrations in it, to lag on the par
lor table and explain to strangers III low,
passionate tones, is 4 never-cndlng source
of pleasure To the thinking mind. With
a i~rontispitcc showing the propr'e-
tor as he looked with side-whiskerS
on, and, later on, 4 view where he
he had himself photographed with chin
whiSkcrS and holding q wartime plug hat
in his swollen hands; with 4 picture OF
grandmother holding Il Bible as though 1t
might be- a glass bomb, and 4 front view
OF a sightlcSs clull that makes up for its
total absence OF eyes by introducing Il soul
stirring mouth that would make Il golden
haired ball Of North Carolina butter turn
white in a single night. With all these
little specimens OF plastic art, | often think
that 4 photograph album will do more
towards entertaining 4 mixed company
than any other literary work with which |
am familiar.
So | went into Il low-pricc barber shop a
week AGO aud began to save so for the
purpose OF adding to my library. | soon
discovered that in a liyC-cent barber shop
u get less consideration and a lower
grade Oflathcr up your nose than elsewhere.
] believe the man vino Shaycs you lOriiye
cents makes his own soap. Possibly he
works mp some of his ~llttcSt patrons that
way. Anyhow, the soap he uses smells
badly aud tastes worse than any SOAP |
have ever participated in. At this price Of
shave one saves financially, but he loses
cutanc0usIy.
The chair | sat in was not a good easy
chair, and the spiral springs in it occasion
ally had 10 come to the surface for more
air. | hcrImc very much attached 10 one
of these springs, and the Ia cents / saved
on the shave haU 10 pay 4 tailor down
town who tgcpanncd my trousers for Inc.
The chair vas also mentally Il wreck,
aud its memory was failing, | thought.
Just ~ would relax my muscles and
Close my eyes this lettering old chair
would forget itself, and the worn out trig-
ger that held the head rest would slip
about nine q Then with Il low death
rattle il would fall about Il foot and dis
turb my intellectual faculties. You can
get shaved quicker tor > cents than YOU
can Tor l., butthc towels are more clammy
and the buy run is rather more of Il chefs
nut, | Judge.
Suffice it that | am not going TO continue
the curse of economy that | had inaugu-
rated for the year, Tor | am opposed to the
boarding and accommodating OF a surplus.
Money is tending too much towards cen
tralization, anyway, and | do not want to
encourage it.
While | may not he able TO secure the
books which | contemplated buying with
my savings, ! n visit the chamber of
horrors at the Musee and improve III mind
in SuCn ways by actual observation.
We do not get all our education from
hooks. We may easily obtain many reliu-
ing and %cnnohlinS ideas from other sources
than the muSty tones which decorate the
shelves of our libraries.
One OF the brainiest men | ever knew, if
may be allowed the temporary Use of
that tcrm-a man, too, who bad succeeded
in amaSSing quite a fortune as a result of
native ShrcwdncsS and knowledge of hu-
man naturc-OuCc admitted to me in Il
sudden burst Of confidence, inspired per-
hapS by too much wine, that he had never
read either of my hnnks. And yet hr had
concealed this gross ignorance for five
years aud UmaSScd u fortune. While this
Is Il sad commentary on American g~alvan-
lied illitcracy, it still shows that q man
may be- almost criminally ignorant in this
country aud yet acquire scads.
BILL NYE.