Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-01-05
NEWyiSPAPER UYT.

school teacher, '(an you tell me where
Lake Michigan is?" "It's near Chi
cago. New York Sun.
WE notice in q newspaper some
verses headed "The Seven Ages of
Woman" After a woman is 80 she
abolishes the other six. "-Somervile
Journal.
"HULLo, Mikel l hear yer on a
strike" $50 | am. | struck for fewer
hours" "Did you succeedY' "Indeed
| did. I'm not working at ali now."-
Philadelphia Call.
BOBBY's argument on it: "Guess if
I'd got my feet wet goin on an errand
for you, it would be healthy 'nough.
But cause | got 'em so playin' it'll
make me sick. Ehl" Sister subsidies.
A SUBSCRIBER asks: "Can you send
me q good receipt for good hoarhound
candy? ?" Certainly we can. dear.
Send along your candy and you will
get receipt by return mathew
Haven News.
LORD LAWNTENN1s-Yo haveno no.
bility in America, We know, no leisure
class. Now, look at our English earls.
M. Demitass- And our French dukes.
Young ckensack-That's nothing.
Look at our New York counts.-Tid-
Bits.
SAID Mr.. Heppeck to friend" The
combined age OF my wife and myself is
40 years; now guess our respective
ages" eff your ages aggregate 40, /
suppose your wife represents four and
you represent the naught. Texas
SiftiDgs.
MRS. P.-"Do you see Mrs. Blake in
the next pew? She belongs to the
aristocracy, I'm sure" Mrs. VIZ
don't think So" Mrs. P.-'tWhy
not?" Mrs. W.-"She is using the
book of common prayer. ''-PhiaLel.
hia Call.
"PA, have you got the hydropho.
bia?" "No, BERTHE; what makes
you ask that question 2" "Well,
heard ma say to-day that you got
awfully bitten when you thought she
had q fortune in her own name."-
Harner's Bazaar.
LITTLE DoT-I like my papa best.
Don't you yours? Little Dick-No, /
don't. My papa spanks me. "Mine
don't me; mamma does, though"
"My mamma hardly ever spanks.
Wouldn't it be nice il my mamma and
your papa should get married ?"
SOME good friend of the Athens
(Tenn.) Post has paid his subscription
to that journal fifty years in advance.
He could make a fortune in a dime
museum for he is the only living man
who has ever done such g. thing for
any living newspaper.-hattanooga
Times.
BAGLEY-I say, that dozen of eggs
you sold me were all spoiled. Cold
cheese 1.-THE grocer)-Well, what of it?
A great deal of it. How do you sup
pose can eat such eggs? How did |
know you wanted to eat them? How
did l know you wasn't going to a
lecture philadelphia Call.
HUSBAND (irascibly)-"We don't
need that rug any more than g. cat
needs two tails. How often have l
told you, my dear, never to buy any
thing because it's cheap?" Wife with
the cir of one who has got the better
of the argument)-"But it wasn't
cheap, my love. Itcost $40."-Puck.
WIGes-"Can you pay that little
bill now?" Higgs-"I am sorry to
say that have no money" Wigs
"Well, if you have no money you
can't pay, so that settles it." Higgs
-"Settles it / am glad that you are
so KIDD as to call it settled, as was
afraid l would never be abs to pay
it,"
A LADY rushed into the central po-
lice station yesterday afternoon and
asked Detective Gladu if any stray
children had been found by the police.
She was informed that Jhere were five
in the different stations, whereupon
she exclaimed: "I have lost seven!
Where are the other two ?"-Mon treal
Gazette.
"MAMMA," said an innocent OF 5
years old, "when I grow to be wo-
man will get married and have
wedding?' 81 hope SO, my dear.
Why do you ask?" said mother.
Because, mamma, I shan't ask you
to my wedding" "No! Why not,
Mamie ?" "Why, mamma, you didn't
ask me to yours"
A HARVARD professor has made the
calculation that if men were really as
big as they sometimes feel there would
be room in the United States for only
two professors, three lawyers, two
doctors, and q reporter on a Phila-
delphia paper. The rest of US would
be crowded into the sea and have to
swim for it.-DetrOit Free Press.
'SEEN the new boy who has moved
in around the corner?" "Yaas."
"Found out anything9" "Lots. His
father used to work In 8 saw-mill, and
his mother was q dressmaker."
"Humph! Who wants to know any
thing of the father and mother?
What we want to find out is whether
We kin lick the boy or have got to run
for him.
"GENTLEldEN of the jury" once said
an old-time Judge in Mobile. "The
lawyers have been here two whole
days discussing the constitutionality
of the law under which this suit was
brought. You have nothing to do
with that. All you have to ascertain
is whether the man got the money.
If he did he ought to pay it. Take
tho case -