The benevolent banner. [volume] (North Topeka, Kan.) 1887-18??, 1887-05-21
PITH AND POINE.

How 10 keep your rooms warm-keep
your CRATES coal'd.
The baId-headed man more than any
other would like to be million-hair.
"G1vE every man q chance" says a.
old adage. And that's just what The
proprietors of lotteries, who are said
to be enemies Of their fellows, are al"
ways willing to do.
EMPLoYER-James, here is letter
for you from the dead-letter Office.
James Gin agony)-Then it's from my
son. He's been sick for weeks, and
I've been expectin' this every day.
DEACON HARRIS Remember that you
must give an account of all your actions
and deeds when you go to the other
world. Old Mose-Waal, boss, Use
mighty glad Use got poor memory.
SERVED HER RIGHT.
A maiden who used to play euchre
Was Wooed by young man who tuchre
And made her his wife,
But she lead him life
Of Misty, and so he fOrsuchre.
Boston Courier.
A CERTAIN witty bishop was recently
asked about sermon to which he had
listened, whether he thought it High or
Low. He replied that he did not know
about that, but there could be no doubt
that it was long.
A BENEVOLENT gentleman dropped a
coin into a blind mans hat. The man
took it, turned it over, and weighed it
in his hand. "Do you think it is not a
good one?" ooh, it's all right, sir,
only as times go we've to keep sharp
lookout"
SEXTON Ito group of travelers)-
This, gentlemen, is the highest church
steeple in the country. 1t contains
three bells; the largest is rung only on
the arrival of the bishops, in cases OF
fire and floods, and other threatened
calamities.
THERE were few Connecticut women
of the last century who did not keep 8
diary. We quote this from diary OF
1890: ave had roast pork for dinner,
and DR.. s., who carved, held up g
rib on his fork and said: Here, ladies,
is what Mother Eve was made of.
YEA said Sister Patty, and it's from
very much the same kind of critter. ~
The Living Church.
| COMMERCIAL TRAvELER-Do you know
that one of the regular drummers IL
this country is FLOODED Japanese
Omaha merchandise, never heard Of
i it. "Well, he is one of the most sue
.cessful drummers on the road, and we
would all like him if it wasn't for one
fault" "Ehl What's that?" "Well
you see, he has the Oriental tendency
to exaggerate the qualities of his goods.
Omaha World.
The stories of clergymen who g
through the service for one auditor re
minds one of q case In Eastern Con
necticut. The auditor in this case wa
young lady, a member of the clergy
mans family. He not only wen
through the entire service for her sol
benefit, but read to her the notice of
change in the time of meeting of tn
Young Women's Guild, which she ha'
herself handed to him.-WGterb11rt
american.
"TH1s Transcontinenta1 Quick Dis
patch is soulless, swindling, grindin
monopoly, isn't t?" asked Old Hysor
"You bet your life that's just what
Is, T0p1l0U O1U Ouuuy OdS0s
; been trying to get into that concern TO
three years or more, and not dolla
of stock will they sell at any figure
Won't let me have smell Their
ought to be some way of getting 6
these fellows in the courts. They'r
afraid to let an honest man into the
! rascally ring."-BaGrdette.
WE clip the following from the Ha.
creek CTexas) PrGirietire of a late date
"a reporter of this paper witnessed
> fine burst of speed yesterday while r
turning from the funeral of the wife (
our estimable fellow-townsman, Jude
Jaybird. Sandy Rarrigan, the drive
! of the hearse, attempted to throw
little dust on the Judge, when tt
{ afflicted and grief-stricken widow'
0 pulled out in the ditch with his fiji
bay horse, Three Spot, and easi
b passed the outfit shouting and a-fying
< Dakota Bell. .-
METEORIC THUNDER.
: Tho most ronid cannon shots Qcc0rt