The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1887-10-15
HINTS TO SWIMMERS.

HINTS TO SWIMMERS.
Timely surrssesons tor Enthusiastse Lovsrs
Of Aquatic Sport.
Now that the bathing season, for the
people who battle only during tbs sea-
SON. is running on full time and half
soap, there viii be the usual number of
..sad cases of drowning" reported in
the daily paper by reporters who seem
to think that the ordinary drowning
case is a rather joyous affair and great
care must therefore be taken to specify
the sad ones. Now, in most instances
but for the gravity of the subject one
might say moist cases--there is no
necessity for drowning. A little care, a
little presence of mind and the doomed
swimmer would be as safe from the
watery element as Texas bar tender.
A good swimmer is not often drowned;
not oftener than once.
People are drowned when they are
thrown suddenly into the water be-
cause the shock disturbs their presence
of mind and disarranges the life pre-
server. To avoid drowning from this
cause, therefore, never get thrown into
the water suddenly; always be expect
ing it. II you are crossing the great
desert, keep turning over in your mind
what you would do if the distant ocean
should suddenly break in on you.
If you could acquire the habit of
breathing under water it would be great
medicine for you. Some men can
breathe long. long time over beer;
they are more apt to founder than
drown.
If you don't know whether you can
swim or not, having never tried, it is .
good plan to consult some well-known
authority on the subject before ventur-
ing into forty foot water. Go to Jay
Gould; he has floated about as many
water-logged schemes as any man in
America
If. in spite of all precautions. you
find that you are actually drowning, no
time should be lost in calling in ply
stefan; if possible. 60 for him yourself;
the exercise will prove exceedingly
beneficial.
If you should find drowning person
on the beach and it should prove to be
some one whom it is your interest to
save, run him through clothes wringer
without delay; it is essential to get all
the water out of him.
Do not, however, hang him up after
this operation; it's no good; you can't
hang man up for any thing after
you've squeezed him dry.
Sit on his chest and initiate his lungs
with hand bellows to restore respira-
ton, and slap him to restore circula-
ton; if this doesn't work. send for .
newspaper clerk. who can give him an
artificial circulation that will make the
doctors want to go away and commit
suicide.
Haul him back and forth over bar
rel; this is an old and very popular
mode of treatment; it is of no earthly
use whatever. but it keeps the patient
quiet and amuses the crowd while you
are thinking what you ought to do.
Start q messenger for the mans wife
at once and call loudly after him, Tell
her to bring her mother alongr' The
patient needs the stimulus of . sudden
shock to enable him to rally.
II you are in doubt whether the man
is really drowning, bring him sherry
cobbler; if he is drowning he will catch
at the straws. If he is not drowning
he will catch on to the cobbler.
Should you discover the drowning
person to be the man who tells you all
about his summer vacation; where he
went. and what mice place it was;
how ''nice" the meals and how s'nice''
the people, and how cheap it was and
what good time he had, push him out
into deep water to see II he viii sink.
II he does not sink Immediately you
may be sure there is something wrong.
Lose no time; moments delay may be
fatal; tie big stone about his neck and
push him out again.-Burdetts IN
Brooklyn Eagle.
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AN ARTIFICIAL SEA.