The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1887-01-08

BILL NYE'S HEALTH TOUR.
have recently taken quite a
railway trip into the South in
search of my health. l called my
physicians together and they de-
cided by a rising vote that l ought
to 60 to a warmer cline, or would
enjoy very poor health all winter.
So l decided to go in search of my
health if died on the trail.
bought tickets at Cincinnati OF
a pale, sallow liar, who is just be-
ginning to work his way up to the
forty-ninth degree in the order OF
Ananias. He will surely be heard
from some day, as he has the ele-
ments that 60 to make up sue
cessful liar.
He said that l could go from
Cincinnati to Ashevillc, N. c., only
one change of cars, and in about
twenty-three hours. 1t took me
twice that, and l had to change
cars three times in the dead of
night.
All night long, except when we
were changing cars, We ratified
along over wobbling trestles and
third mortgages. The cars were
graded from third-class down. The
road itself was not graded at all.
They have the same old air in
these coaches that they started out
with. Different people with vari-
Gus styles of breath, have used the
air and then returned it. They are
using this same air that they did
before the war. 1t is not, strictly
speaking, a national air. 1t is
more of languid air, with dark
circles around its eyes.
At one place where / had an en-
gagcment to change cars we had a
wait Of four hours, and l reclined
on a hair cloth lounge at the hotel,
with the intention of sleeping part
of the time.
was told that this was a kind,
family lounge, that would not shy
or make trouble anywhere, and /
had only just closed my dark and
mournful eyes in sleep when this
lounge gently bumped itself and
shed me as it would its smooth,
dark hair in the spring, ira la. The
floor caught me in its great strong
arms, and l vaulted back upon the
polished bosom of the hair cloth
lounge. 1t was made for a man
about fifty-three inches in length,
and so | had to sleep with my feet
in my pistol pockets and my nose
in my bosom up to the second joint.
got so that | could rise off the
floor and climb on the lounge with
out waking up. 1t got to be Sec
ond nature with me. l did it just
as a man who is hungry in his
sleep bites off large fragments Of
the air and eats it involuntarily
and smacks his lips and snorts. So
l arose and deposited m yself again
and again on that old swayback,
but frolicsome wreck, without
waking. But l couldn't get aboard
softly enough to avoid waking the
lounge. 1t would yawn and rum
BILE inside, and rise and fall like the
deep rolling sea, till at last l gave
up trying to sleep on it any more,
and curled up on the floor.
The hair cloth lounge. in various
conditions of decrepitude, may be
found all through this region. Its
true inwardness is composed of
spiral springs which have knawed
through the cloth in many in
stances. These springs have lost
none of their old elacticity of spirits,
and cordially corkscrcw themselves
into the affections of a man who
sits down on them. If anything
could make me thoroughly at
tached to the South it would be one
of these spiral springs bored into
my person about foot. But that
is the only way to remain on a
hair cloth chair or sofa. No man
ever successfully sat on one of them
for any length of time unless he
had a strong pair of pantaloons
and a spiral spring twisted into
him for some distance.
At the private house the hair
cloth sofa, with pair of dark re-
served chairs, may be found in
domesticated state, waiting for some
one to come and fall off them. In
hotels they go in larger flocks. and
Craze together in the parlor. They
are greatly in favor among the more
blue-blooded mass here-the blue
mass, as it were.