Morning journal and courier., 1887-04-06
DARK.

Professor at Columbia-We cannot taste in the dark; nature intends us to see our food. Student-How about blind mans dinner? Professor-Nature has provided him with eye teeth, sir.
 Mrs. WeIles (about to hire new serv- ant)-Now, in regard to going out visiting. I - Servant Gnte1rupting)-Och go out whiniver yez loikes; you'll not find Bridget Murphy harrud, mum, or dictatorial 1oike. "Ah good morning, Brown; why, how are you a'' TT am very well, thank you; but I would like to know how you came to call me Brown. My name is Green" "Greens Oh, yes, 50 it is; pardon me; I am color blind, you know"
 Quite Friendly-'Don't you find the peo- ple around here very sociable2" asked Cob wigger of new neighbor. ''Yes, indeed | do," was the hearty response. "Only mo- ment ago I met beggar, and he held out his
 hand to e."-Harper's Bazar. John Ruskin calls railroads ''the loath- somest form of deviltry now extant, car riages of damned souls on the ridges of their own graves" John must have had his free pass taken up by the conductor when he was
 several hundred miles from home.-Nor1is- | town Herald.
 l ''Ruben," said Mrs. Stubbs, lying down l the evening paper, 'swhat is meant by opti-
 misma' "Optimisma" 'Yes. The paper
 says optimism is not characteristic of the l modern age. Opblulslu, Iduuau, IS
 disease of the eye, an you'll get it the fust
 thing you know if you keep on a-readin' that 1 fine print. t."-Tid-Bits
 A comic actor was much addicted to l drink He was on the road and billed to ap- pear in small town. When he came out on | the stage he was drunk that the audience
 hissed him. Steadying himself on the l scenery, the actor said: sLadash and shen- l tlemens When an artist of my standing
 conshents to appear at all in such a little | one horse town ash this, he must be drunksh ! or crazhy. prefer to be considered an in | ebriate." The audience roared and forgave
 him.-Texas Siftings.
 l Whats in 8 name?-Husband John by name)-Who was the man I met in the hall
 as went out? Good looking chap" Wife
 "Oh, that was Reynolds. or Reginald-some
 such name-Tracy. He has just had eur of tea with me. By the way, may pour you
 a cupa' Husband (opening the Evening Post
 and speaking from behind it(-''Yes, dear thanks. This is cosey" Wife Cooking ab-
 your tea, Reggy. Reggy, don't you hear me dear?' Husband -"Reggy Reggyl My
 name is John-or Tom-or some such name. Life.
 At the Texas University.-Professor- | ssYour composition, MT. Anjerry, is simply
 disgraceful." Anjerry-"What is there SC
 disgraceful about it?'' s'Your ignorance, sir. I lou state that Hannibal ana ms army III nls
 Gothard tunnels s.How do you know, pro
 lessor, that he didn't go through the tunne
 with his armys You were not there, were
 you?" :'No, sir, was not there; but have
 sense to know that Hannibal could not have
 afforded to have bought tickets for all hii
 army" "Yes, professor, but you forget that
 it happened before Reagan's inter State com I merce bill became law. There were free
 passes in those days" 'sThat's fact, young
 man; had forgotten all about that. Fl
 mark you as proficient in ancient history Texas Siftings.
 l She asked the youngsters to define ! The sense of ''surreptitiouS
 | But every one had to decline,
 | Although they were ambitious. Its something done upon the sly, I That else has Seen,''
 The teacher said. Now who will try To tell ma what Imean?'
 1 She'd just been reading of the lad | Who thieved away uncaught,
 And hoped perhaps her reading had Some useful lesson taught.
 l Milf Sniff, g hear wonder youngSter call, | With eyes upon the floor,
 l "I know! You kithed the principal l At noon behind the door"