The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1887-07-16
WILD BILL OF KANSAS.
"Wild Bill was a good shot, WI

he nOt?"
"With the six-shooter he was
simply wonderful. In my enter
tainment I gave an illustration of a
double shot he made at Hays City,
Kansas, in the early days, when he
shot two soldiers, one in front of
him and one directly behind him,
each endeavoring to shoot him be-
fore he could draw his gun. He
killed one and mortally wounded
the other, and two reports of his
revolvers seemed almost as one.
The marvellous feat was the talk of
the country for long time. In
fact, when | came by there a few
days ago one of the old residents
who witnessed the killing men
toned it to me, and said he could
scarcely believe it even after seeing
it. Bill never missed his mark. l
have seen him take pistol in each
hand and fire with right and left
pistol at a can thrown in the air,
hitting it with both bullets. By the
way, l heard a very funny story
told on Bill some time ago. If you
remember, he married Mrs. Agnes
Lake, widow of Lake, the circus
man. Bill fairly worshipped his
wife, but, despite his great love for
her, she never could induce him to
quit drinking. He would come
home full of bad whisky, and one
day Mrs. Hickok said to him:
"Bill, if you don't quit this
drinking pretty soon you will actu-
ally begin to see monkeys"
"Monkeys?' he said. What
do you mean, little one?"
"Why, you know, when people
back East drink too much of the
kind of whisky they get back there
they see snakes, but this awful stuff
out here makes them see monkeys.
"Bill laughed at her, and did not
give the matter a second thought,
little dreaming that she had put
up a job to break him of his in
temperate habits. There was a
tame monkey in the tOwn-Chey-
enne, l believe it was-and Mrs.
Hickok had induced its owner to
loan it to her for a night. Bill
came home that night comfortably
drunk, and after he had gone to
sleep his wife secured the monkey
and chained it to the foot of the
bed. Then turning down the light
little, she, too, retired and awaited
results. Bill woke up in the night
burning with thirst, and raised up
into sitting posture, intending to
get out of bed and get drink OF
water. There, perched up on the
footboard, was the monkey, staring
him in the face with hideous
grimaces. He rubbed his bleared
eyes, looked again, and horrible
suspicion came into his befuddled
brain. Had his wife told him the
truth? Did he really have 'em!
Finally, he sprang out on the floor
seized his six-shooter, which lay on
a table near, leveled it at the crea-
ture, and said:
"Now, old man, if you are
monkey, you're in a bad fix; il
you amt monkey Pm in a bad
fix At the same instant he fired
and the monkey fell over in the
sgonies of death. His wife, who
had been watching the working Of
her scheme, sprang up in bed with
a scream, and Bill, turning to hel
with a broad smile of the most in
tense satisfaction, said:
"Little woman, congratulate me
for I have just had'a wonderful es
cape. l amt as drunk as / though
l was, an there's a monkey lyin
there on the floor that'll never in
trude itself into the domestic felicity
of another happy family an make
a gentleman think he's got the Jim
jams"
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