The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1887-09-01
The Merry Side !

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When a man gets million dollars now, hei
well on his way to jail.
So
"Rome under Nero' is all right-but most o
us would rather roam under zero.
The place to hear the genuine "hum of indus
try is at an old ladies' quilting party.
"Bank Cashier Absconds," shouts the daily
paper. That's certainly "an old chestnut"
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To plain. practical man, blisters are more
honorable upon the hands than kid gloves.
+.%
Before a doggery-keeper says his business Ii
respectable, he ought at least to hide his body.
They had fight with old Colorow,- and al
usual the Indians "got away, with great loss"
Love is something that selfish man bestowt
on himself, and wise man bestows on his wife
Whisky is always charitable. A drunken
man always bowls at something above himself
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s'This is matter of VITAL importancev' as
the little boy said when he.was eating the mel.
on.
Our local Democratic statesmen are exhaust.
ing themselves defending JEFF. DaYis and Texas
whisky.
A Copperhead scribbler speaks of "an
ordinary editor" Friend, you're too far below
to see well.
If old Windy Wilson wants to walk under
Cleveland's portrait let him do 1.-THE soldiers
don't have to.
Impertinent boys should remember that
"hay-seed" is fully as likely to have brains un-
der it as q derby.hat.
There are two classes of people that never
"stoop" to little things-C Christians, and men
with tight pants on.
When a man offers you a drink of beer or
whisky, tell him he has made a mistake Is
hunting the hog-pen.
Yes, young man, ii is "smart'' to take your
first drink-and the probability is, it will be
"smart" eyer afterward.
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An alleged patentee is around collecting roy
atty on bored wells. It looks like crawling into
small hole for money.
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The County Fairs are. ON ,:and it will be fun
to see the old ive-minute "saddle-back" trot
around mile track In '2:l6"
In Arkansas they "fear negro uprising" A
negro uprising means to the people of Arkan-
sas getting ahead OF Democrat.
The President and wife will remain three days
at st. Louis. The brave old boys will be really
delighted to see-Mrs. Cleveland.
If the soldiers could have gotten old Colorow
paign. But the old fool wouldn't run.
Mr.. Wilson, of West.Virglnia. loaded Reun :
ion with charge of politics-and unwittingly
got before 1t. The result was.disastrous.
sss
Southern papers asseltl the. superiority of
Southern over Northern orators. That is to as
sert the superiority of whisky over brains.
An attempt will be made to make the Nation
al ticket Cleveland and Black. SO the Democ-
racy are going to hoist the Black flag on us!
The western men now speak .of the Buffalo
sort of m ythical creature. When the fool
with the rifle came in, the buffalo went out.
The last heard from Morehead, there were two
or three of the Tolliver gang still living. This
is an oversight on the part of the o'her side.
One who has tried it says ga battlefield never
looks the same the second time you view it,"
Quite highland II don't feel the same, either.
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Our Democratic friends must not not accuse
US of lack of recognition of the dignity Of the
Presidential offie. The office possesses dignity.
Cincinnati Sunday Baseball games are en-
ivened by selling beer and whisky on the
Missionary
cause.
The old-timers are constantly bemoaning the
decline of taste. When the old-dmer was
young full dress for August consisted of tow
linen shirt.
"The laborer is worthy of hire" Then you
mean to say that Tom Powell isn't to be pitied
for all the load the Democratic party is making
him carry?
A Cincinnati slough" chewed a policeman's
ear off and the papers said "the officer deserved
credit for making the arrest without striking
the prisoner"
ST Istand-aw-my-ground sah!" said the an
CRY dude.
deal of cur-rage!"
Too many young men are like small dogs in
high oats-they can make considerable rus
Ting and rafting, but they never scare the
horses in the next field.
We are sorry the Standard does not suit some
of our friends among the Democratic politicians.
But even when the Bible was written there was
a Democrat who kicked.
At Exeter, Neb., they had Sunday Picnic
toe other day, at which there was beer-saloon,
q dance, a fight, and two murders. Civilization
is rapidly spreading westward
The Methosist preacher at Glen Lyon, Pa, op-
posed making a payday of Sunday, and
crowd of three hundred men broke one anoth-
ers heads for an hour, to spite the preacher.
If any young lady thinks OF cleaning her
gloves with gasoline, she should first write TO
Miss Alice Lamby, of New Philadelphia, and
ask about 1t. She tried it, then went near the
fireI
The Law protects man for selling another
whisky but Furnishes that other one for getting
why not punish the eater thereof if his breath
smells.
"The Standard is ineonsistant!' says Dem
ocratic friend. We don't see how-it has always
said the Democratic party was the meanest
thing on the taoe of the earth, except the
whisky traffic.
The Portsmouth Times says jackson people
are disheartened because r. B. Hayes cannot
attend their Reunion" Not disheartened
We'd like to have him-but he's about the on
ly man who won't be here.
HsS
1t is proven that the Civil is inferior to the