River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-09-15
AUTUMN ZEPHYRS.


AUTUMN ZEPHYRS.
HE GOT THE GIRL
Jack Blunt once loved "A maid whose hair
w ith terra Gotta might compare.
My heart beats but for yOu.n he said
NO matter # your hair is red
'th me the color has no sheft'-
And he got left.
George Smoothly later came to WOO
said he, with passion, tender, true
Il love you aud all that is you
Those locks of dainty golden hair
The sunlight kissed and fingered there
q give my ali for one sweet curl"
lie got the girl
NOT FRENCH.
An American mother travelling in
France offered half-fare ticket for her .
son, who lacked several months of the /
tull-fare age. The collector looked /
suspiciously at the child and at her. /
Your son, is he und,r z, madamc?' |
''He is, monsieur" Your son - very /
large for his age, madame" ".ic is. /
monsieur. Your son is alto Their
too large for his age. mazda ne, - snapp- |
ed the man, eXasperated at the Ameri- |
cans GOODNESS. ''Oui, monsieur, that |
may be, y retorted the mother, calmly /
''lie is not French, you see
KEPT TRACK OF THE LETTERS.
Letter carrier-"Thats for your
mistress, isn't it?"
Maid-"Yes, that's for Miss Julia.
He has written three times to her since
she wrote to him. Guess she wants to
give him the grand bounce"
THE starr GARD SIDE.
Mrs. Moneybags Ito her husband)-
Now understand me, Mr.. None bags
Unless | can sit on the right-hand
side of the ship don't want any meals
at all. Mr.. Money Why, my
dear? Mrs. Money bags-I heard some
one say the star board would be on
that side and guess we're rich enough
to have the best.
DEEPLY AFFECTED.
"My dear" said husband, gently
rousing his wife-th lady was danger
ously ill-''Mrs. DE Hobson called
little while ago and left her love and
sympathy for you. She seemed deeply
affected" John" said the sick lady,
in a very weak tone of voice, .'what did
she have onP'
DISTINCTION.
Mr.. Pufier (who has recently "struck
it rich, - pete, l am going to get you
"A coachman's livery; what do you
| think of that?
Pete (who has been "hired man" for
years. Yes, sab, | would like it very
much, sab. 1t would distinguish me
from de rest of de family, sah.-LtJe.
A FORGOTTEN QUANTITY.
At Long Branch:
She-Did you attend the hop last
night?
He-No. couldn't 90.
She-The rich young brewer from
Boston was the centre of attraction.
He-That's queer.
She-Queer, whyP
He-Why, | had supposed all the
brewers had foresworn hops long ago
-ITd-BH
ENGLISH AS SHE Is SPOKE.
Justice Schmmelpfenig of Austin is
a German and his English is little
broken. Sam Johnsing was brought be-
fore him on the charge of assault with
| intent to kill.
MAYBE you hev got some LAWYERS to
defend yourself, don't it?''
"No."
"Do YOU want me to appoint dot
lawyer for you?'
IL don't want muffin ceptin' an in
terperter, so kin find out what you're
talking about. '-Teras SJtings.
SIMPLE ENOUGH
Omaha groom-'.Well, my dear, the
wedding tour is finished, and here we
are in our new home.
Bride-"But. George, the servant
girl who was to be here has not ar
rived. "
II see. It's too late to hunt up
another today. IsIppose you can get
supper. can't you.
"Of course. Go out and buy some
/ steak, not too rare, with mushrooms
aud French potatoes, and iced cake and
1 hot watfles. and Ill set the table while
you're gone
FULL OF PLUCK
Countryman Ito dentist)-I wouldn't
pay nothin' extra for gas. jest yank
her out if it does hurt.
Dentist-You are plucky, sir. Let
me see the tooth.
Countryman-O, faint me that's got
the toothache; it's my wife. She'll be
here in minute.-Ne10 York sam.
BETWEEN SEASONS.
Omaha editor-'Anything startling
today"
News editor-..No, not a single rail-
road catastrophe since yesterday"
.Humph!'
Yes, things are dull now. You see
it's between seasons"
Between seasOnsP'
Yes, the summer excursion season
is about over and the car-stove season
hasn't opened yet"
A GREAT ADVANTAGE.
Miss Goaway-Do you expect to 90
! to Saratoga this summer, Clara?
ClAra-O. no, indeed; | am going to
Niagara Falls. You see, it has very
great advantage over Saratoga.
Miss Conway ndeed | had never
heard of that before.
Clara-O. yes. I on see, the noise OF
the fall browns the sound of the kiss
ing.
WHY HE DIDN'T STAY.
Slimwit. the aspiring young drama
fist, who boros her by reading his plays
to her-"Yes. Miss Florence. | love
oysters. but | can't endure to eat them,
you know unless Iopen them myself.
And | am so unskillful; they won't
open for me.
Miss Florence-'In tell you how
YOU can make them open. Place Il
dozen or so in a circle. Sit in the
middle and read one of your plays 10
them. and before you have finished one
scene the shells will begin to yawn and
then yoI can seize the tOothsome-
going so soon?"
IT SAVED HIS LIFE.