Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1887-08-17

borhood. The cages are set in the yard
and the cat is placed in charge. His
fighting reputation is such that the
marauders who would like a~feast of
canary discreetly remain away from the
premises.-Epoch.
WARM IN ARIZONA.
A farmer at Ysleta went out to look
at his pigs during one OF the melting
days last week and found nothing left
except three buckets of leaf lard
At Tombstone they have to splice
two thermometers together to get any
idea of the heat. -
San Antonio is Dragging about its
delightful weather for this time of the
year, and claims that people there get
their ears frostbitten in the evening.
A man at Florence, Ari., has taken
so much calomel that these hot days
the mercury rises to his head and he
gets so top-heavy that he has to walk
with a crutch.
The streets at Albuquerque are so
hot that small boys get vapor baths by
merely following the street-sprinkler.
-MojGUe Miner.
POWERFUL REMEDY.
A man belonging to Nicholville, hav-
ing inadvertently swallowed potato
bug, promptly sent a dose of Paris
green after it and nearly killed himself.
-BorckviUe (Can.) Recorder.
TO SAW THE FRUIT.
There is a commandment taught to
every man and boy that is not observed
as closely as it should be-"Thou shalt
not steal" We find it necessary, in
order to remove a temptation from a
lot of boys, to cut down a nice apricot
tree now bearing for the fourth time,
and from which we have altogether not
gathered a quart of ripe fruit. Yes, the
tree must go, but it is tough to live il
a neighborhood of thieving boys.
Some people, instead of sacrificing the
tree, would kill the boys, but we find
it easier to cut the tree tn an to catch
the little thieves.
LATEST FROM cRANKDoM.
Some crank has written to q New
Orleans paper to suggest that all
Presidents and Vice Presidents be
asked to direct that their bodies be Gre
mated, and that two big vases, to con-
tain the ashes, be placed on either side
Of the speakers chair in the House Of
Representatives.
THE OWNER CANE TO TIE DOOR
No- Co;r< WIZ o~o-ars
Trumpet-toned Angel am Fortune.
Fortune, eh? On earth I heard
that Fortune knocked once at every
mans door. never saw you and I
died as poor as q church mouse"
Il knocked once at your door, but
You were not at home"
: "Where was I2'
':At the saloon around the corner"
"Well, why didn't you 60 there and
knock?"
IL went there ?"
Il did not SEQ you"
mo, but tho saloon keeper did,. -.
PREVENTING sUNsTRoKI.
.'Got any more those cigars like you
sold mo yesterday" asked . p~erspiring
citizen Off Hanover street vender OF
the weed. g:
'.You mean dose fine imported goods,
five for = quvarter, "said the dealer with
q gratiied smile. "Louis, make mo
down from der shelluf = box : dose
imported oellardoros."
The smoker grimly answered the
smile and then said:
''Jest put one'n my hat, win yerf I
read in Their paper that = cabbags leaf
in the hat'n prevent sunstroke."
And he got outside just In time to be
missed by an empty cigar box.-Bostos
Commercial Bulletin.
WHY BE SENT his SON TO EUROPE.
American father-'Yes, I have .
son; but he is in Europe"
Old-time patriot-s:l bog your par
don, cir; but it = shame for IN Amer.
al youth, born in q land Of liberty,
the inheritor of freedom, bequeathsd to
him by dying ancestors on the battle
fields Of the revolution, q httter away
bis best ysarsfn Europe"
Il sent him there e learna trade.
Tho apprentices system y no longer a.
lowed In this country, you know"
Il see, but hs Will come baek with
no knowledge Of American i~nsatutions."
$50 much the better. Then he can
pass himself of for ; foreign-born eit-
zen, and get elected to an ofaceL" T.,
IN 4 HURRY.
City visitor with family)-Bub,
which Is the nearest way to Jobbleson's?
Boy (sent ahead by farmer)-Jst up
that road Il yez be friends Of his, ye'd
better hurry up. Has just fall down