The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1887-04-30
The Fun Of To-day.

-Gorham Mountaineer.
or course for when the women
To the ballot box shall flock.
The cradle will stop swinging
There'll be nothing there to rock
Err
The Hon. VIM p Mitchell tells funny
story: When tie Democratic State Con
vention was held In saratoga Springs, the
Hon. Thomas CUsrigan turned up one
morning In the store at local dealer IN
ready made clothing. He WAS Ia his shir
sleeves, with his coat on his arm.
"G Il a cat tuatll fit meg" lie asked.
The clothler tried In vain 10 fit him.
"Well, | eau 20 home, them" said the
great COstigan. III can ride In the cars In
my shirt sleeves
"Hut what's the matter with the coat on
your ARM" asked the clothier. For
answer the garment was held up to view
Above the shoulders there was no coat.
"Yuu see," said Costigan, Il was putting
up little job for Flower last night, and
went To the hotel very tired. hung my
coat on the gas jet, Didn't notice the
dumbed thing was lighted Sun.
Mr.. George Raynor, the we'll. known bot
tier, has a cider mill near Greenwich,
Conn. Robert G. Brown says that Raynor
was walking to the Cos Cob depot not long
ago when he was COllared by ferocious
tramp, who wanted to borr W IS.
al have no money" the genial bother re-
piled
"Well. you have watch" grewled the
tramp. "See me"
Raynor produced his watch.
AN
your clothes
SGe Irge demurred "Wha. do you want
Of my wearing apparel:' he asked
"A suit of clothes ought to go with every
Waterbury watch" the tramp answered,
"Strip!'
just then the Sheriff of Fairfield county
appeared and the tramp disappeared
Sun.
A tombstone In the cemetery at Auburn,
Ala, bears the following inscriptions
GAS | am now you soon must be,
Prepare for death and follow me-
Under this wag wrote:
''To follow you Id not consent,
Unless knew which way you went
Omaha Miss-I desire to have my pic
ture taken with my hat on.
enthusiastically sit right down
mo, not in this; this is bonnet.
will come this afternoon with the other;
It's my tLeater hat, you know"
II am very sorry, miss, but my landscape
camera Is out of order. "-Onldha Wortd
Morning recreation In st. Petersburg
First Nihilist with yawn)-What are
you going to do with yourself today, good
Pe,rOfy
Second Nihilist with yawn)-Alas, l
know not Time hangs heavy.
First Nihilist (another yawn)-Let's go
over and take a shot at the Gar before
lunch.
Second Nihilst (wearily)-So be 1t, but
it's dull short. | wonder that you take to
it still-Nacon Telegraph
Il am so busy" said young Softly
Sophomore. III have no time to think"
81 can let you have plenty of time" said
the professor coldly; "bat isn't there
something else you need to do thinking
within Aud long, long after recitation,
when 1t was hours too late, young Softly
bethought him that he should have said,
"Yes, but you have none of that to spare,
professor Thus oft our brightest
thoughts and happiest inspirations side
track and wait for signal, and fail to get
there.-Burdette.
A brother of the Indiana Conference a
very estimable man and able preacher, has
an incurable habit of always annexing the
pronoun "he" to the name of any person
to whom ne is abiding. This habit even
follows him into the pulpit, sometimes
with ludicrous results. This was particu-
larly the case one Sunday, when, before a
large congregation, he arose and announced
his text:
The devil he goeth about like roaring
lion, seeking whom he may devour.
Looking impressively over his gold.
bowed spectacles, he began:
Brethren and sisters, my subject natur-
ally divides itself into three heads: First,
who the devil he Is?
The congregation was slightly startled,
but preserved due decOrum.
Secondly, my brethren, where the devil
he is going?
An old class leader put his head down.
and stuffed bandanna In his mouth. The
choir shook, and little girl in the CALLER!
Uttered.
Thirdly, my brethren, what the devil he
is about?
This was to much for the congregation,
and for once there was a peal of laughter
in taat church. The quarterly conference
discussed the matter at its next meeting,
but the pastor still sprinkles his pronouns
prOmiscuously.