davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1887-07-23
NUMBER Is.
OlO MAN puNpER.
He Tells the Sergeant About His Expert
ence with y Monte shark.

He Tells the Sergeant About His Expert
ence with Monte shark.
What YOU here" exclaimed Ser
geant Bendal the other day, rs he look
ed up and found Carl Dunder standing
by the desk.
"vhell. pellet it vhas my duty to
come down und report on some case.
Maybe vhas swindled again.
II presume so. Most anybody can
swindle you. It's a wonder you have
dollar left"
Il vhas awful green, eh3"
"Yes, you arc"
.'Und vhas innocent like shild?
About as innocent as boy three
years old. What's the matter nowP'
Sergeant, maypc yon haf seen a
Teller take three cards und throw 'em
all around on table like lightning"
Il have
"Und he likes you to bet N You can
pick oudt dot ace of hearts?'p
Yes That's called three-card monte.
How much did they get out Of you?"
"A man comes in my place ycster-
day und says vhas Carl Dunder. /
vhas Ali right, Mr.. Dunder, but like
to show you a trick TO play on der
poys. 1t vhas called parlor magic, und
eafery pody vhas wildt oafcr her."
IL sec! And he got fifty dollars out
of You. presumed"
well, he take a scat at der table und
pulls oudt three cards und does sound
sound so. und he laughs all der time
und says it vhas a good shokc on del
poys. Py und Ply he like Inc to pick out
dot ace of hearts,"
And you bet you could?"
.'Of course"
Mr. Dunder. you are bigger fool
than thought for!'
Sergeant, excuse me. II ] wash &
fool can't help him. bet dot mar
twenty dollars ! pick oudt dot card.
Shake comes oafcr und holdts del
money, und pick out card. "
"Aud it wasn't the ace. Of courseT
"Oh. but he vhas! l pick her righ
oudt ash slick as grease, nnd / put do
money in my west pocket Der felle
shumps oop and says dare vahs BIZ
mistake, and he WANTS me To try oafe
again, but was not on some try"
you don't say?"
"Und he gets madt und says he pu
some heads on me If | doan' gif ool
dot twenty. Well, l vhas a grecnhorI
und fool, you know?'
And you gave it up"
'sOh, no! ! take dot Teller by de
neck und make his heels preak tw
tables und fife peer glasses, und hi
coat and west vhas all in shmall pieces
und he cries out dot he gifts me ten do
lar more If let oop on him. Dot VIA
very reasonable, und | let him 60"
And you made thirty dollarsa"
"You see for yourself. 1t vhas
twenty und a ten, ind in dis packag
vhas his boot-hecls ind wcst-buckl
und coat buttons. ] like you to put o
a ticket of Lost Property und TAX
sharge of 'em. Sergeant, good day"
'But, say, / want to talk with yo
some -"
Sergeant, vhas greenhorn und
: fool. und can't shtop any longcr!"
"But, here ~
dot vhas all right. Mebbe ! WIS
: some oldt Dutchmans from pac
county, und eaferypody can shwind
me, und maybe l vhas oop to son
shnuff. Goodbye, Sergeant. Ityhas g
ing to be hot day, und Shake vhas a
alone in der saloon!"- Detroit Free Pres
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1887-07-23
THE MEDICINE CHEST.
why No Family Should be without a Sup
ply OF Simple Remedies.

ply OF Simple Remedies.
Every family should be supplied with
small medicine chest, especially in
the country, where the drug store can
not be promptly reached or doctor
visited. These chests can be bought at
prices ranging from So to $25, according
to size, kind of material used and beauty
of finish. They contain square, velvet
lined compartments into each of which
square bottle with ground-glass
stopper is fitted. Beneath is drawer
for salves, plasters and medicines in a
dry state. You can make your own
chest, if handy with tools and disposed
to be economical.
| have had such chest in use for
twenty years. 1t has paid me over, and
over, and has often spared me great anx-
iety of mind. 1t contains six four-ounce
bottles in which l keep Jamaica ginger,
camphor, sweet spirits of nitre, mix
ture of sweet oil and lime water, etc. !;
| it also contains six two-ounce walls
filled with laudanum, paregoric, hive
sirup, arnica, etc. In the drawer l
keep chlorate of potash, sugar of lead.
court plaster, ready-spread mustard
plaster, lint, wad of cotton, etc. Ev-
cry article is plainly labeled, and thus
l have at hand many of the remedies
most needed in ordinary emergencies.
| 1t does not require great knowledge
| of medicine to know what to use for
the ordinary ailments of the human
family, especially for the younger men,
bers. In cases of fever a teaspoonful
of sweet spirits of nitre in a glass Of
water taken at small sips at short in
| tervals is most excellent. A
relief for scalds, burns, poison ivy.
ETC., will be found in an external
application of sweet oil and lime
water. Jamaica ginger is used for
cramps in the stomach. Sugar of lead
water used externally will reduce
swellings in the limbs. Hive syrup is
given for Group. Arnica is rubbed on
sprains, bruises, insect bites, etc.
Chlorate of potash is used for sore
throat.
Of course, if the case is a serious
one, physician should be promptly
consulted, but during the interval
these simple remedies can be intelli-
gently used, and such prompt and in
telligent use is often of great service
previous to the arrival of the physician.
More than one physician has said to
me. in substance: "You have checked
the disease in its early stage; l have
little to recommend beyond what you
have already done.
My wife and myself have been
alarmed scores of times by symptoms
of fever or Group in our children OF
mid-winter midnight, the nearest
physician five miles away. In almos
every instance by giving the little pa
tient sweet spirits of nitre for the fever
or hive syrup for the Group, we foune
the child much better in the morning
our fears allayed, and the visit of 1
physician unneeded. These state
ments, borne out by a long experience
should be sufficient to extend the in
PRODUCTION of the family medicine
chest. l have found it of such grea
use to me, in practical, benefcls
and economical way, that l am urge
to call the attention of others to IL
merits. Frank H. Staufer, in Coco
Housekeeping.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1887-07-23
MISTAKEN IDENTITY.
A Famous Physicians Funny Experience
with Newsboy.

WIN u NeWsDoys
Concerning mistaken identity. DR..
Geo. +. Shrady relates the following incl
dent, which occurred to him some years
ago. The doctor has pleasant country
house on the Hudson. some seven or
eight miles north of Kingston, known
as pine Ridge" lie formerly spent
his summers there, and being fond of
driving, he owned team of fleet footed
sorrels With these he would spin
over the hard country roads at a lively
gait almost daily, usually driving him
self. While thus driving on Albany
avenue, in Kingston. on his way home
one afternoon, being alone in the buggy
at the time, he was hailed by news
boy. who. mistaking him for a coach
man, shouted:
"Say, John. can't you give fellow
liftP"
"How far are you goingP' asked the
doctor.
only out to General Smiths" re-
piled the boy.
The urchin sprang to the seat beside
the driver and the conversation ran az
follows:
"Whose rig is thisp"
"Dr. Shrady's."
30, yes, he's the Teller from New
York. He lives in Flatbush, by the
river. l heerd Of him. Do you work
for himp" asked the boy.
"Yes,n said the surgeon.
"What does he give your
"My board and clothes"
"Gosh, is that all? Well, he gives you
pretty good clothes, though" said the
boy, hastily inspecting the drivers
makeup. .'But you could get more'n
that. Major Cornell's coachman gets
thirty dollars month and found.
Think of thatr'
"But the Major is a rich man and can
afford it." said the driver.
"How long have you been with the
doctorp"
Ever since l was a boy"
"Nevcr worked for any body elsep"
mo"
"What do YOU do for hinp" continued
the interviewer.
80, every thing he asks me to do.
wash and dress him, black his shoes,
sometimes clean his horses, harness
them-in fact l am his man of all
work"
us he so old, thenp"
mo, he's about my age
"Then he must be a lazy cuss, any
how"
After brief pause came this poser
from the boy:
DO you like the doctor?'
sometimes / do and sometimes
don't Occasionally l get so disguste
with him that feel like running away
"Why don't your
30, it's no use; can not. have tt
be satisfied"
Well" Indignantly calculated thu
boy, Il think you're daraed fool.
But here is General Smith" said thu
doctor.
"All right. Bye, bye, john" sans
out the boy, as he alighted upon thu
toad.-M Y. Tribune
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1887-07-23
Americas Gretna Green.

Nearly every State in the Union has
its Gretna Green, but few has one that
so thoroughly deserves the name as
Camden, N. j. The clergymen of that
town who do so much marrying are
j. Y. Dobbins. Methodist; Rev. j. j.
Sleeper. Episcopal; Rev. J. J. Heisler.
Methodist, and Rev. Isaac w. Bagley,
Baptist Mr.. Dobbins averages lao
couples month, and. as his average
fee is 81 couple, he makes about
1920 year. Mr.. Sleeper unites
about 80 couples month, receiving
about the same average fee; but as he
has had diagram Autographed show
ing the most direct route from the fer
ries 10 his house he will probably soon
be doing land-otiice business. Alto
gether. the clergy OF Camden must
make fully $500 year out of the
marriage business. = Chicago 1spssa
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1887-07-23
THE COUNTRY is SAFE.
PuzzIing Social and Political Problemi
Solved for Another Year.

PuzzIing Social and Political Problems
Solved for Another Year.
The country, and incidentally the
universe, is safe for another year. We
have been in great peril, but our dam
ger has been pointed out, and not only
SO, but the way to safety has ut tho
same time been so clearly indicated
that the wayfaring man need not err
therein. An abyss of frightful depth
has lowered above us, overshadowing
all this fair land with the deadly blight
of its malarial breath in accents that
chilled the heart with the Upas-like
touch of its basilisk glance, that echoed
from sea to shore. But you have saved
us, my boy; you and your fellows have
snatched us from this living grave,
whose hungry breakers dashed their
binding spray and wreathed their
angry flames in lurid tongues about
our feet. You it is in this month OF
leafy June have told us of 1.-THE Perils
of the Republics" "The Labor Prob
lem;" 1.-THE Duty of the Hour;" THE
Decay of Patriotism Work and
Wages" "The Deterioration of Man.
hood" 1.-THE Labor Question: 1.-The
Decline of Statesmanship;" 1.-The
Labor Agitation;" THE Weakness
of a Republican Form of Gov
ernment;" Labor and Capital
THE Downfall of Liberty" 1.-The La
Dor Problem; its Evils and Their Rem
edy;" Corruption in Politics." 1.-THE
Labor Problem and its Dangers "Art
we Free PeopleP" 1.-THE Labor Prob
lem a National Menace" The perils
that beset our path you have shown us
but you have also guided us into paths
of safety. You have told us of "Tht
Only Way to Good Government
1.-THE Safety of the Republic" "Tht
True Mission of the Labor Reformer;'
Reforms in the Ballot" 1.-THE Com
ing Man, 1.-THE True Reformer;'
1.-The Hope of Our Country;" "Th'
Conservation of Popular Government
Labor REFORM ''The Outlook of tn,
Hour" Labor Agitation Blessing;'
"Our Legacy for Our Children
what we Owe to Posterity;" an.
your sisters have nobly rushed to tn
rescue with assurances that Nigh
Brings Out the Stars;'' and moreove
that Man is the Arbiter Of His Owl
Destiny" "Woman's Sphere 9TH
Influence of Wonan;" woman
Duty" "Woman. the Hope of tn
World" and Spring" Heaven bles
you, my children; you have saved us
Heaven bless you! Come again mex
commencement BurdeHe, IA Brood
Ian Ed0ie.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1887-07-23
TIMBER CULTURE.
Some Reasons Why Every Farmer Should
Start n Maple Grove.

Some Reasons Why Every Farmer Should
Start Maple Grove.
Soft naples can be grown from seed
large enough to tap in from twelve to
fifteen years. and although their sap
is not as sweet as that from the sugar
maple, the sirup is as good. l have
frequently tapped young trees to make
little sirup for family use, and find
that they grow so rapidly that when
tapped with a half-inch bit, the wound
heals so thoroughly that before fall the
bark has closed up so smoothly that no
one can tell where the tapping was
done. The cost of starting a planta-
ton of five hundred maple trees would
be very small, as there is no Seeding
so easily and cheaply grown. They
would add great beauty to the farm,
and if arranged in wind-breaks along
the north and west they would pro-
tect the fields, so that if strip two
rods wide was given up to them, along
both borders of the farm, more grain
would be grown than if all the land
was cultivated.
My soft naples, planted in 1868,
some of which were set but two or
three feet apart in the row, will now
measure from one to nearly two feet in
diameter foot from the ground, and l
have trees grown from seed planted in
1870 which grth over three feet, and
which have been tapped for several
years. My statement that timber
belt, occupying two rods wide, would
enable the fields to grow more grain
than if all was planted, is entirely with
in bounds, and l believe that if such
belts were planted every forty rods it
would still be true, although l do not
think it necessary to plant SO close as
this.
In the spring of 1885, which was per-
haps the most disastrous to wheat of
! any year for a generation, when below
the line of snow protection in Ohio our
wheat made an average of less than
five bushels to the acre, many counties
falling as low as three or four bushels,
the only fields which produced crop
worth harvesting were those protected
by timber belts or tall hedges. rode
through my own and adjoining counties
in April and it was noticeable that no
where, except in the lee of timber OF
hedges, could any green wheat be seem
have often seen field of corn dam
aged from ten to twenty per cent. by
wind-storm, when the field adjoining
with timber on the windward side
would escape entirely. Pasture lands
bordered with good wind-breaks will b.
ready to turn stock upon some day
earlier in the spring, and the stock will
be more comfortable than if exposed t.
the full sweep of the winds. There il
no mystery about timber culture, ant
the farmer who begins it will find it a
simple and easy as starting a corr
crop, and after the second year no cul
tivation or care will be required
w. +. BroUn, in Farm and Ftreside.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1887-07-23
GIRLS ON A LARK.



Bright Daughters Of Vassar.
Bearer to the heart of college stu.
dents than all public occasions of social
life are the coy private spreads Only
college girl knows the meaning of a
college spread. 1t is a proof of the
depravity of human nature that no
spread is perfect unless held after ten
o'clock, when in the midst of hilarity
each feels the influence of prospective
summons from her corridor teacher to
receive sermon on the value of law
| and order. Try to imagine yourself
| an unseen spectator at mysterious
midnight spread. You see large
room all ablaze with light, but with
| blinds shut and curtains drawn. and
a gossamer waterproof draped care
full over the transom, lest the rays
should annoy some outsider.
Within is medley. Books are out
of the way for once, and the table is
| covered with miscellaneous
collection of plates, saueers, glasses,
cup or two, a few spoons, rarely knife
and fork. Among these are scattered
loaf of bread. bag of crackers, pots
of deviled ham and jelly, a bottle OF
olives, pitcher of milk and another
of oysters. Half dozen girls are in
the room, one of them anxiously in
speeding the water in tin basin that
she is carefully holding over the flame
of drop-light. The rest are scattered
about the room in attitudes more OF
less graceful. The bed, the chairs and
the rugs on the floor are equally pat
ronized All the girls are making
frantic endeavors to evolve a theory
as to the making of oyster soup, ane
as the theories gradually take definite
shape they are hurled at the martyr O
the tin basin.
You must heat the water first, ther
the milk. and put in the oysters jus
before it is done" remarks one sag
cook from the depths of an easy chair
mo, you don't. You don't wan
any water-just milk and oysters boil
ed together, nsays number two, coile'
like kitten on rug.
n "You must heat the oysters separate
{ ly," calls grave, oratorical voice from
. the pillows.
. Girls says the martyr, lookin.
around with an heroic air, ''you don
one of you know the first thing abou
| it. I'm making this soup, and If yo
/ don't like it when it's done you ca
come and make some yourselves. jus
: at the present have the floor"
She confirms her statement by Wig
4 orous gesture that threatens the equili
5 brium of the tin basin, and the other
own themselves obliterated and appl
their genius to other topics The sou
done, it is served in cups, or glasses, o
: saucers, and is pronounced pei
t feet. The suffering martyr ha
+ become smiling saint, and sit
: triumphantly on the edge c
: the table while some one spreads tn
e cracker with jam for her benefit. Tn
j. tide of fun rises. Again and again
l. laugh rings out, to be smothered in tn
n midst by the tragic gasp: "Girls, some
: body is coming" But no one comes
!, and after oysters have been eaten, co
n lege news discussed, and harrowin
n ghost stories told in the darkene
:, room, the girls steal away with reel
: less declaration that they have had fu
o enough to pay for whole week
Il funks. --Lippincots Magazine.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1887-07-23
WIT AND WISDOM.

A doctor sent his bill TO widow
for "doctoring your husband until he
died. "-Harper's Magazine.
We complain that our life is short
and vet we throw away much of it, and
are weary of many of its parts. Jeremy
Taylor
You shall be none the worse to-
morrow for having been happy to-day,
if the day brings no action to shame it.
-Thackeray.
There is oneadmirable feature about
wire fence. The patent-medicine man
can't paint legend on it in regard to
his liver-cure.
Hereditary govt is most unjust
disease. The father has had all tile
fun and the son catches most of the
pain--N o. Picays'se.
A philosopher says: Poverty has
no back bone. We beg to doubt this.
II is only when poverty comes that
man knows he has back bone.
An exchange refers to contem-
porary as having changed its form to
quarto. He could not probably find
sufficient exhilaration in pinto. All,
| thereco!
When the irreligious man goes to
the telephone he usually says "Hello!'
When he comes away from the tele-
phone he is very apt to turn the cx-
preston around the other way.-Sons-
erUiife Journal.
| The Great Master
man OF men may master be,
| Or master of hoard Of pelf,
But greater power wieldeth he
| Who is the master OF himself.
| Boston Courier.
1t is a mighty easy thing for the
government agents to put 100000
trout in small lake or river, but it is
much harder job for plain and hon
est man to pull single one out on his
fish e.-DetroH Free Press.
-Creditor-what are you going to
do now? Jeweler (who has just failed
in his wife's name) lam going out to
Utah. Creditor What do you mean
to do way out thcrep Jewcler-Marry
again and start my second wife in bus
ess-Je,oeler's Weekly.
Customer Ito Boston bartender)-
How is it you charge me fifteen cents
for whisky, while the gentleman who
just went out paid only temp Bar
tender-You called for the best
whisky? Customer-Y Yes; but the
liquor was from the same bottle.
Bartender can't help that, sir! We
charge five cents for the adjective
Puck.
Il 1t is hard but necessary lesson to
learn, that to win and hold success IN
any line man must make himself Of
. use to somebody. The clerk who
makes himself useful to his employer
need have no fear for his future. The
doctor who can convince the commu
nifty of his usefulness will not need Il
advertise for patients. just so witt
all occupations and professions. Thu
thing the beginner wants to get thor
J oughly into his head is that he needs thu
world, and hence must in some wa,
compel the world to need him. because
Of what he is able 70 do for II. -.lat'ian
apolls 6entisei
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1887-07-23
A veritable Human Brute.

Colonel Yerger returned home very
late and in demoralized condition.
''Here you are again, said Mrs.
Yerger, as she met him at the head OF
the stairs.
s.Yesh, my dear, here am" replied
the Colonel, meekly.
"You are brute. Here it is twelve
o'clock. 1t will be almost daylight be-
fore get through telling you what
think of you. Here have to lose my
sleep on your account, and FL feel bad
all day tomorrow. You are vagabond
on the face of the earth. etc., etc.. etc. 4"
-Ieras Siftings.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1887-07-23
A Pleasant Feature.

81 am afraid, madam, said gentle
man who was looking for country
board. "that the house is too near the
station to be pleasant
at is a little noisy" assented the
landlady. ''but from the front veranda
one has such fine view of people who
miss the trains. ~ Y Sun.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1887-07-23

An aged citizen of Camden, Me-,
tells Of the time when salmon was so
plentiful and was SO little esteemed
that an apprentice to any trade had tn
sign articles binding him to eat salmon
twice week, and thought it most
disagrseabls part Il the contract
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1887-07-23

1T is very difficult for lady to
enter or leave carriage properly.
requires practice and \ carriage.
The carriage Is the hardest part to &C.
QnIrA
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1887-07-23

Tho worthy Guibolland has just
lost his mother-in-law. He had the
following touching inscription cngrav-
ed on her tombstone: ''She lived out
for my happiness; in fact, she'd do any
thing for me. Her death proved it. y
CHICAGO Tribune.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1887-07-23

One of the men who lets boats on
the Pawtuxet says he has some new
ones that are bound to suit unmarried
couples, for there is only one seat in
the boat, and it will be case of two
souls with but single thwart. -Proui-
dence Journal.
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1887-07-23

Writing letter is. to many people.
an irksorne task, but it ism. half SO
ir&some rs it Is to hear lawyer read
ing your letter aloud five years after
ward in open court. --JowHcl 81 Euaea-
tion
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1887-07-23

The dogwood in its robe OF white
blossoms is the queen OF our Northern
forests. But what manuel Weste,n
CArHttan Advoc0ts
The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1887-07-23

Cincinnati has a secret society fol-
providing poor girls with pretty
Fort Worth weekly gazette. [volume] (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1887-10-21

brown color, the features slightly shrunk-
en-, and he compared it with the appear
ance of mummy. The eyebrows and
hair were Of lighter hue, while the
hands looked perfect. 1t was the most
singular sight he had ever witnessed, and
only the sensitive feeling of the parents
kept the matter from the newspaper col
umns. The body was again inferred, and
now rests peacefully in the family lot for
aught we know.
The strange transformation Of this
body is not the only instance recorded.
The few number of dead removed has not
afforded an opportunity to learn how
common an occurrence this may be, but
learned gentlemen tell me that when
Gabriel blows his bugle, or the disip-
Ierring Of bodies becomes necessary in
the Black hills country, many bodies will
be found turned to stone. The other
instance relsted is that of Wild Bill.
murdered in Desdwood by Jack Call ten
years ago. Bill was buried on the noun
tain side and the building OF residences
compelled the unearthing of his bones
What was the surprise Of his friends
when they discovered that the famous
frontlersman was solid stone-petrifled
This revelation may appear strange to
eastern readers, bu here 1t is an open
secret