Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1887-06-22

foUuloI-I I'LL oily ulSO AlOSCSSoS eA"AS
all hand worked and"
Boarding House Respective have all
the notices we want"
DIVE got some nice God Bless Our
Home notices, mum"
"I'm fully supplied have a God Bless
Our Home motto in every ROOM"
"Here's something new, mum. just out:
Suffer Little Children to Come Unto Me.
for of Such is the Kingdom of Heaven"
1.-THE idea! We don't take children
here sir."-Omaha World.
FROM THE SUBLIME.-A young Ameri-
can lawyer, employed to defend a culprlt
charged with stealing q pig, resolved to
convince the court that he was born to
shine. Accordingly, he proceeded to de-
liver the following brilliant exordium:
sMay it please the court and gentlemen
of the Jury, while Europe is bathed in
blood; while classic Greece is struggling
for her rights and liberties, and trampling
the u~nhafiowed affairs of the bearded in
fidels to dust, while America shines forth
the brightest orb in the political sky-I,
with due difadence, rise to defend the
cause Of this humble hog thief"
nS- "Anybody pass here within an
hour pr asked a Detroiter of a Wayne
county farmer standing at his gate.
"Yes.n
"Man with q black horse 2?
"No; man with q white horse"
"Wasn't a tin peddler, was he?
"Ohno. He was the editor OF an agrl-
cultural paper"
"How do you know that?"
"Because he came out on purpose to
ask me whether potato planting or corn
~.kks-- oco f,,cf Hold stQrtaH a new
paper and wants to git things reliable"
ny eff I'd been little George Washing
ton I'd have lied about cutting the cherry
tree" he said, as he laid down his school
history.
"You would" exclaimed the mother.
"And why?"
"Well then it would have been laid to
the hired man."
Sand then 2"
"And then there'd have been the all
fredest fight between him and old man
Washington anybody ever saw Little
George was way of on that cherry tree
business.n% .
A LOUD Vo1CE.-John Glover, the
noted %lumberman of the Northwest, has a
phenomenally loud and shrill voice. A
few wears ago he was invited to delivera
Fourth of July grafton and did so with
much credit to himself. After it was over
(seyeral DAYS after a certain Gen. Harri-
man was asked how he liked it. "H-m-m,"
said he, I liked what I heard of it,"
"But, general, didn't you hear ALP" "Oh,
no,n he replied, "you see / was twelve
miles away when it was delivered"
AN AVERAGE SEANCE.-Omaha Medi-
um-'The spirit who is now here tells me
you are not an American by birth.'
Omaha Mantle vas right"
HE says you were born in another
country"
"Dot is drue."
HE SAYS the name of that country is
Germany"
"Dot vas 80 it vas Shermany."
81 am tired now. Three dollars"
.UNsEEMLY HAsTE.-Chicago Husband
I heard that Mr.. Lard, the eminent expert
in pork, will shortly lead to the altar the
beautiful Miss Sparerib of Wabash ave-
uue. Mr.. Lard, you know was divorced
six weeks ago.
Chicago Wife-And intends to we'd again
80 soon? He couldn't have thought much
of his first wife.-New York Sun.
S-"How long did you say you had
been q widow, Mrs. Frank ?" "About
two years, SIR" "And have you become
reconciled to your loss, yet?" "Well,
partly" PARTLY! How am / to under
stand that ?' "Why, I mean that 1 am
reconciled to the loss of my first hus-
band, but not to the loss of that compan-
ionship which I might have from a
second"
B- "Tom, why did you not marry Miss
cy in her speech and so I left her." "a
hesitancy in her speech! I never heard
that before. Are you not mistaken ?"
mo, not at all, for when I asked her if
she would have me she kinder hesitated
to say yes, and she hesitated so long that
I cut out for another GAL"
A Work OF ART.-Boston young lady
lin the country)-And did you really paint
the barn yourself, Uncle James?
Uncle James-Yes.
Boston young lady-By hand?
Uncle James-Sartin.
Boston young lady (fetching her breath)
Think of it, a hand painted barn!-New
York Sun.
~ "Shall I sing kathleen Mavourneen'
for you, Augustus, dear ?" she asked, after
they had been married over a year.
"No, you needn't mind"
"But I heard you say the other day
that you liked the song ever so much"
II do. Perhaps that will explain to
you the reason why I don't want to hear
you singit."
p- "Never fear, my DEAR" remarked
the wife of an ippecunious husband !;
''never fear, I still love you" 81 know
that" he replied; ''but that, doesn't help
matters much" "1ll trust you always"
she exclaimed. "Yes, my dear" he ex-
claimed with a sigh which came from his
heart, "that is very fine, but unfortunate
ly you are not the grocer"
WHERETHE FAULT LIEs.-Rural Child
"Mamma it's rainy and the almanac said
to-day would be clear"
Mamma-"That medical almanac"
mo, the Farmers Almanac"
'"The ways of Providence are past find
ing out. The weather gets wrong every
once in a WHILE"
py Mrs. Smith: "Do you know, my
dear, that they say that Mrs. Delain's
husband is liable to die any oment;
Mrs. Brown: "Indeed! That will be
NICE" Mrs. S.: "Nice! Why, how shock
ing! What do you mean?" Mrs. B.:
"Why, then we shall have a chance to
see how she looks in plain black"
nag why didn't you come when I
rang ?" said a lady to her domestic. "Be-
cause I didn't heah de bell" thereafter
when you don't hear the bell you must
come and tell me So"