The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1887-01-20
THE MERRY SIDEI

They call it Beauty and the President, )" now
The "tirst drink" is the DEVILS introduction
T remembe er that, boys.
Many a luckless boy is wrecked on the
"coast," during this season.
"Winning his wsy,"lis not always a good
motto for boys-a gambler does that.
/,
A prayer should -goi' upward-but cannot
escape from the cloak of self-conceit.
=
He-"What isit, darling, love wouldn't do for
you?"
She Get drunk!" [Meditation.l
Secretary Lamar says the rumor that he will
resign, since his marriage, is untrue. He's al
ready resigned.
Many men believe that the man of the future
will travel through the air. He'll probably be
a circus performer.
A kind hearted Ohio man took his horse out
of the harness, and quit working him. He
couldn't see him any longer.
The reports of probable war in Europe cause
the American merchant to lay a good big wet
blanket over his conscience.
evil. 1t not only wrecks trains but it makes
the loafer get off of the fence.
-.-
Some of our exchanges are crediting DIR.
Kitchen to Pike county. This is the worst
knock the DR.. has received yet.
Halstead should not feel elated over his con-
fab with the preachers. It's nothing new
they're always fighting the DeYil.
Ghe trouble with the-Democratic .'Star-Eyed
Goddess, !" is.that when she sees the Red, White
and Blue, she becomes color-blind.
bar-keepef.
"Yesl" was the reply. HE meant he was
pickled.l
The Democrats ought to abolish the Fourth
of July. Two such occasions as that and "St.
Jackson's Day." is too much in one year.
| So
1t is time the Indiana Democratic Senators
struck out for the South. Good references as TO
boarding houses may be obtained of Ohio DEM
ocratic Senators.
Minister, to Dying Man.--"Have you last
request to make, before going?"
| Dying Man-"Yes, one. Don't let them put
my portrait in patent outside.
| Go"
There's always generous feeling among the
two parties in Legislative bodies. Each side is
willing to give the other credit-for being the
greatest villains
| William Burklett, of Georgia "wished God
would paraIyze him." and Immediately became
81 helpless, speechless idiot. He was an idiot
before.
The chief of police of Little Rock, Arkansas.
was Sent to the Penitentiary for robbery. This
would be considered strange in almost any
other State.
Wrestling Indiana from the Democrats is like
and very much like-drawing the teeth of
| Copperhead. There's much wriggling and
| kissing.
| Gov. McEnery, of Louisiana, says General
| Jackson left Democracy as he found it," Of
course he did. Even the frmness of "Old
Hickory" couldn't change the character of the
Democratic party.
Watterson says the Civil Service Law is a
stu upendous joke, "because it keeps out capable
Democrats They don't however, Seem "capa-
| ble'' of getting there.
| In the great battle of life, never attempt to
measure your opponents steel. Always be
sure OF your own-that it is good and strong.
OF course Americans would not like TO see
war in Europe-but if you must fight, friends
remember we've got lots of nice provisions and
| good guns, over this way.
why don't some of our Democratic warriors
| talk about fighting Canada, rather than Mex
| ico?" asked an old soldier the other day.
A man don't like to destroy the bridge that
carries him over.
nor,f-C Gov RoI,a of Tpdio
will quit trying 10 preside over the Senate, rs
soon the weather gets warmer. He will seek
| employment in a menagerie.
Old Dan Rice says it was joke-the state
| meut that he was drunk, in Cincinnati, last
| week. This is one of the funniest things the
| famous clown has said.
| 1t is somewhat'perplexing to see a Cincinnati
paper championing Francis Murphy, in its
editorial columns. and advertising Schlop &
Schnollegoster's Beer-or that of some other
firm-in the advertising columns.
''The most successful litigants employ an at
torney 10 do their business and then hire
other attorney to watch him. Gallipolis Jour
nal
We kick on that unchartable insinuation
against noble profession. Just as though one
| lawyer would not know better than 10 try to
watch another, with any hope of success!
-
A Jackson man, speaking of q new patent
medicine "dl9covery," says the inventor "dis-
covered how to sell whisky without paying the
Revenue Tax.
A MiIlersburg woman had her husbands le-
mains taken up and buried four miles further
| away, because his ghost annoyed her. She
evidently thinks he ugly enough while
living.
Buffalo Bills show will probably go to Europe
next Summer. They are trying to get up war,
over there and they want Bill's crowd 10 fur
nish the gore.
The Commercials has hit upon
scheme for destroying the Gospel Temperance
movement. 1t is trying 10 hire a church for
Murphy, ,'and join his fortunes
All the Democratic cry now is Tariff Re-
FORM" What's become of that old fellow "Dem-
ocratic Reform ?" Have you found you couldn't
get any worse, and given it up?
The Democrats are rather hard down on
Clerk VaIlandigham. A man who will return
stolen goods after they have been hidden away,
they regard unsuited to the role of Demo-
cratic politician.
Ohio paper, to Senator Payne-sI am attack
ing you. You can't afford to keep still under
it!'
Senator Payne-"Ah, indeed! didn't know
of it."
There was nothing serious about Judge Thur
mans illness at the Jackson Banquet. He
smelled the breaths of those about him-and
tainted THAT was ALL
Chicago and New York would like to have
costly monuments to Logan and Grant. If the
country will builI the monuments, these large |
hearted cities will generously donate enough