The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-11-10
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 1887
WIT AND HUM0R.

How many melons you raised this
year? Gardener-About 900, | guess,
Pete. How many have you raised?
Darky-Forty-two, sab (aside)-obor
yo' fence!-Burlington Free Press.
MARY" said Bliffkins, can't real
ize it. 1t seems all like long, beau
tiful dream." What seems like a
dream?" inquired his wife. You
haven't said word for three-quarters
of an hour, "-Aerchant IraCeler.
Wife (to .husband)-I caught Bird
get starting the fire this morning with
kerosene. John. Husband-How much
do we owe her? Wife--Four months
wages. Husband-W let her 90 on
with the kerosene.-NeIo York San.
George" she said, aud her manner
betrayed anxiety, what has come
over papa of late He treats you cold
" and evidently tries to avoid YOU
He borrowed so of me couple of
weeks ago" explained George.
York SuE.
Just think" said Mrs. Walkin to
her modiste, 1.-The very next day after
my new black suit was sent home |
was called TO 90 out of town to a
funeral Wasn't that nicew was the
absent-minded reply.-Bost01s Com
m0nWeuith.
St. Peter Ito applicant)-What was
your business when on earth? APP
DECENTRALIZATION of a newspaper. St.
Peter-Bi9 circulation, of course? APP
plicant-No, small smallest in the
country. St Peter-Pick out your
harp.-Epoch.
1t is said that ''fads are to be tabooed
| as bad form" Now, if people who
know good United States English will
taboo altogether such poor British ex-
pressions as fad and dad form" or
| good form" our common speech will
be the gainer.-SpringfeLd Union.
She (whose grandfather made it in
iron)-Nhy did you bow to those Bart
let's? He Gan old chum of Bartlett?)
What's the use of snubbing people
because you're little better than they
| are? n. B.-Bartlett married poor"
and is clerk on $1,000 year
| LJe.
Il have an unfortunate habit of
talking in my sleep" II should call
that fortunate. rather than unfortun-
ate-that is to say, in your case, YOU
| know" How in my case?" why,
don't you see? Because you are not
awake to hear yourself talk. '-BoSt0@
Transcript.
First Chicago drummer-Do you
know Breezy, who travels for Loud
mouth 4 Co? Second Chicago drum
mer-Ycs. I've heard it said that he
Isl n 10, 4 -,
| ali nonsense. He amt as big a liar as
am, if | do say 1t myself. '-NeU
York San.
You don't know how worried I am
about my little girl She is telling
fibs all the time" ..Why don't you
punish her in some way?' Punish
her? You don't understand the nature
Of my alarm. l am afraid she won't
live to grow up; so precocious, you
know. '-BoSt0R Transcript.
You have remarkably soft hands.
Mr.. Scacook. Do you use glycerine?H
No" II wish my hands were like
yours; they are so white and small,
lady might envy them, What bust
ness are YOU IMP" Il am organizing
new labor party well, that beats
CCIiut. -- IStTtCOtfS UUttSftttt.
A lady whose husband had severe
cold, recommended faXseed lemonade?
HUN he said, irascibly, "a man
can't have cold without everybody
suggesting some fool remedy. I'll
send for a doctor. So the doctor came,
charged the sick man s. for the visit,
and advised 1laXsecd lemonade.-Ne
Yor5 Sun.
"Wil you remember me, dear, when
am gomez asked the sick man.
Yes, John, replied the stricken
wife, land | will see that your grave
is kept green, and all that. ''Will
You marry again?' Il can never love
any one but you, John, and if I do
marry again he will have to have
money. '-Nctg York San.
John" said his wife, don't You
spend more than YOU ought for lunches
downtown? l can't understand how
it is that the money slips away as it
does No, my dear, | eat (hic)
free-lunch nearly every day" "WelI,
| wish you would give up free-lunches,
John. They cost you more than we
can afford. Nee York Sun
My family is very ancient" re-
marked an English tourist in Ohio.
1T dates back TO the crusades." $50
does mine, replied the Buckeye.
My mother was a crusader herself
And what noble stand they made
against the liquor traffic, too" "Aw,"
said the EngliShman. considerably
mystitied.-PitLsbarg Chronicle.
Il hate to have you leave us" said
the old father to his daughter, who
was about to be married. ''Whv,
father?' Because cannot help hay
ing some apprehensions about your
future But YOU know there is very
rarely wedding without missgiv-
ing" And then her old father parted
from her without murmur- Nerch-
ant TrGreler.
Omaha travelling man Gn Chicago
i understand good many Chicago
families employ $4,000 year cooks.
Hotel clerk-Ycs, that's so. "Can
you tell me how | can get the addresses
of such families?' ''Go to the High
fly Caterers emporium. DO you wish
to engage a COOKE 20, no; l am
agent for killercure's dyspepsia medi-
cine. - Omaha World
Employer (to commercial traveler)
Good morning, Mr.. Smith: home
again. eh? Commercial traveller
Yes, struck town last night on the
o'clock run from Boston. Why.
came over from Boston on that train.
Strange l didn't see you, Did you
take parlor carr" No, certainly
| not" We'll, that's the reason YOU
dldn { see me. ~ D0rb
so Miss Gillyboat has Tilted YOU.
eh? Yes, gone back on me bad"
,'She was once quite an adorer of
| yours, wasn't sheln .sShe acted like
1t. You see, when she found out that
was an author she quite fell in love
with me and acted nicely until week
ago, when she cut me altogether.
.'Whya" Il loaned her one of my
/ books. y Lincoln journal