Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1887-04-28
PlTH AND POINT.
Keep cool and you command every

PITH AND POINT.
Keep cool and you command ever
body.
Don't be mulish. Never kick sim
ply because people talk behind your
| back
"A metaphysical paradox-KiHing
yourself with hard work to get a liv.
ing.
-Pat-Phwat is that We are at, Bid
dy? Biddy-Shure, it's bottle Of
hair resthorer Dim putting on me ould
muf. Life.
THE mind, quoth little Felix with
quaint wit, ''is some thing that turns
round and round in your head and
makes up stories. THE Bee.
"A poultry authority says: "Hens
will lay a certain number of eggs in q
year" Our experience is that they
will lay an uncertain number. -LosDell
Courier.
Justice is blindfolded. but she holds
pair of steelyards in her hand SOS
she kin tell the difference between the
heft of a dollar an dime. Washing
ton Critic.
The commercial editor was much
exasperated when the proof of the wool
market reacbsd him and he read "un-
washed cowboy" instead Of s.unwashed
combings. Salt Lake Herald
Clergyman Qo dying man-Be
joyful, brother; you will soon be in a
better place. Dying Bostonian-
The idea! Why, dear sir, you can't
have seen Boston at all. You've just
arrived by rail, suppose.
AT Sidney, an island in the South
Pacific, girls are shut up until they are
married. IF an island can be discov-
cred where girls are made to shut up
after marriage, it would probably be
colonized in a Boston
Budget.
-Teacher-You must not come to
school any more, Tommy, until your
mother has recovered from the measles.
Tommy-There amt a bit of danger
that she will give them to me. "Why,
how is thatP' ''She is my stepmother.
-Ieras Sittings.
-''Why was eternity made, papaP"
asked Reginald. $50 that a cricket
match could be played clear through"
replied papa, who had lost three days
from the Office in busy time watching
the first half of one inning played half
through. -Burdette.
Omaha dame (anxiously)-Why,
how thin you look! Married daughter
Thin! Why, thought was gaining
ting as thin as a rail- Its very
queer. My husband can't hold me on
his lap half so long as he used to be-
cause I've got SO heavy -Onaaha
World.
-Theold adobe bull ding in which
the first session of the Legislature of
Montana was held, is still standing at
the lower end of Main street. Ban
mock. The old building is in very
good state of preservation, but it looks
as though it might be one hundred
years old, so weather-beaten are it's
walls and roof.-Chicago Herald.
In the Court of Assizes the Adj
vocate-General points to the accused
with gesture of scorn and says:
Eyes, gentlemen, you see at the end of
my arm the most corrupt and con-
temptible man that the earth has ever
PRODUCED The accused Interrupt
ing)-I agree with him, gentlemen of
the jury. but monsieur has forgotten to
say at which end.-Fre,ach Fun.
"A Kingston On. T. woman, says
The Freeman, of that city, returned
borrowed book to a friend the other
day. She had had the book some time,
and the friend expressed some surprise
that she had returned it so soon.
sWell," said she. '.Tll tell you how it
happened. My husband just bought
quite number of books, SO I had to
take out the borrowed books to make
room for the new ones in the book
case"
-"You have no idols in America"
said Wan Chops to the pastors wife.
Haven't we?'' she answered, pointing
at the tramp who was sneaking back
toward the kitchen, 1--WE can give
China points on idols; there goes the
idolest thing that ever walked the face
of the earth and lived on free offerings
and human sacrifices. And then she
went on to say that she didn't know
whether he had a jug or not. but VAN
Chops had fed and was already half
seas over to China. That is, he was
deep in his cups. How many cups.
dearp Three he cups. Scat!-Burdette.