The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1887-02-04
MIR. AND MRS. eowsER.

MR.. AND MRS. eoWsER.
A Patient snd Hopeful wlss,s Sunday
Morning Trials and Tribulations.
'Shall we go to church to-morrowa''
inquired of Mr.. Bowser the other
Saturday night as we were closing up
the house and getting ready for bed.
'.Shall WEI" he echoed, as he stopped
pulling off one of his boots to look up.
..Mrs. Bowser, you seem to be drifting
into heathenism! OF course we'll go
to church. 1t is our duty to set the
world an example,"
''But it's such job for you to get
ready, You know?'
II don't know any thing of the kinH
If can't get ready three times to your
once, and with one-tenth the fuss, I'll
go off and kick myself to death! While
am not sO-called Christian, Mrs.
Bowser, / propose to respect the LOrd's
day by going to church. and propose
you'll do the same"
"Oh, l intended to 60"
"Oh. you did! And perhaps you
were expecting me to stay home and
saw wood or play poker!"
We have breakfast at eight o'clock
| Sunday mornings. At half-past seven
was up, and l called to Mr.. Bowser,
| who lay on the broad of his back with
his hands locked under the back Of his
| neck.
"Y-e-s!" he groaned.
Five minutes later called him
again.
"Y-e-sr'
"Mr. Bowser, it's quarter to eight. "
Cant you let Teller sleep?"
"But you are going to church"
At sharp eight l got him out of bed.
but it was half-past before we sat down
to breakfast, and nine o'clock before
we got up. Then he went off to dress,
but it wasn't five minutes before he
shouted:
'.Nlrs. Bowser, where's my shirt"
"Why. in your bureau drawer. Of
course"
There isn't single internal shirt
there! I'll bet hundred dollars the
laundry hasn't come up"'
went upstairs and pulled out the
drawer, and there lay six clean shirts.
"Why didn't you say in the top
drawer?' he growled, and went down
stairs to hear him, three minutes later,
calling to me:
"Mrs. Bowser, have got a pair Of
pantaloons in this house,"
''Of course you have. Your Sunday
pantaloons are in the closet"
mo, they amt! I've looked the
blasted house from top to bottom. and
they amt to DE found"'
went up and showed them to him,
hanging right before his eyes. At the
same time got him a collar, laid out
his cuffs and necktie, and put his coat
and vest on chair. l got ten minutes
rest before he beloved over the banis-
ter:
"Mrs. Bowser, if was wife and
mother and housekeeper I'd pay some
attention to my husbands wardrobe"
''What's wanted now?'
"This collar won't fit! You've gone
and let that swindling laundryist steal
all my collars and send me up old rags
in the place of them!'
Invent up and showed him his own
mark on every collar. and fitted one to
his neck in half minute. had got
down and finished combing my hair
when he suddenly uttered war-whOOp
and followed it up with:
'.Mrs. Bowser, I've busted the buckle
of my vest"'
''Well, you must pin the straps to-
gether."
"Til be hanged if do? If You had
looked my clothes over yesterday, as a
faithful wife would have done, this
could not have happenedr'
1 ran up and sewed the buckle on,
and had just got down again when he
called:
"Did you tell the cook to black my
boots?''
"Why, no."
"Of course you didn't! That's Just
the kind of a hair-pin you are! How
on earth this house has run so long as it
has is mystery to me!'
l carried his boots out to the cook and
promised her new collar to shine them
up. BY that time Mr.. BOwser came
downstairs.
Mrs. Bowser, look at those euffs!''
he exclaimed in terrible voice As he
held them out to me.
whats the matter?"
Matter! Why, I've broken both my
thumbs trying to get the buttons into
'em! If you were like other wives
you'd"
l slipped the buttons in before he
could finish the sentence, and then ran
to dress me. In about three minutes
heard terrible granting and roaring
in the sitting-rOom. and Mr.. BOwser
called:
"By the living gum! but why was I
ever fool enough to marry?'
"What is it now?'
"Here's hay on my plug hat-on my
Sunday hat-a whole load of hay!'
"You were up in the barn loft the
other day when you had it on. remenl-
Der. 1t will brush OFF,
..Oh! it will! Well see if it does!
I'll wear it just as it is. and let every
body see what kind of wife I've got!'
made three minutes further prog
ress toward dressing. when he shouted: