The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1887-06-16
JACKSON. OHIO. THURSDAY, JUNE 16. 1887.
The Merry Side !

Love is skeptic-but experience often make
| 1t a pessimist.
Too many boomers get their ideas of busines
integrity from the jay-bird.
Important news of the Presidents last day
hshing-he didn't get bite.
A"boomer.' is as necessary to town as-as-
an escape pipe for sewer-gas.
What is pride? The swallow flies the swiftest
but his home is made of mud.
The fox was one of the first boomers. He al
ways made the chicken market lively.
| 80
Sans Jones and Small showed one week a
Rome, Ga, to observation-disclosures business
! The Western G. A. r. Posts are willing fol
Cleveland TO go to st. Louis-but they'll stay al
! home.
| They "shot' the oil well in Portsmouth-but
didn't get much more water than they had
before.
The -Waverly Watchman calls Elmer Powell
"a Thoroughbred Sorrel-Top." And he's a run.
ner, too!
Frank Bannister. of Scipio, Indiana, was the
last one-pulled the gun over the fence. Both
went off.
We must give the Salvation Army credit fol-
one thing-it has driven out the Italian organ.
grinders.
Great excitement was caused in Rowan coun-
ty, KY, by the report that man had died a
natural DEATH
Never climb so high you cannot see the bot
tom of the ladder. Some careless fellow might
kick it down.
The Union county farmers purchased Bo-
hemian Oats-now they are trying to pay Bo-
hemian Notes.
If man deceives you once, it's because he's a
scoundrel. If he deceives you twice its because
you're fool.
A Democratic paper says "Sherman has been
hippodroming." Yes, he has certainly stirred
up the animals.
We are heartily glad "the Republicans are
coming to their senses" But it will deprive the
fool-killer of job.
San Francisco has a political club whose
mission it is TO "cleanse politics" in that city.
Whew-what a job!
OBrien takes no stock in -Rossa.
He is willing to leave dynamite and rotten-egg
warfare to the British.
The "boomer" should remember that it is not
question of how much money he can borrow,
but how much he can pay.
+.+
When you feel sorry for the man who does
not see as you do, remember that he may be
feeling sorry for you, too.
-
People don't want that public spirit which
steals an umbrella, then scolds the owner for
not getting in out of the wet.
-.-
When a dude says to you that "Republicans
are coming to their Senses" tell him that many
of them never lost their senses.
Ingersoll said ssyou might taste the soul of the
corn in this whisky First time we ever heard
that corn grew on tobacco stems.
Why do the Democrats say we are afraid of
Thurman, for Governor. A man of brains on
that ticket is victim, every time.
-.
While the people murmured at Moses. he
stretched his rod over the waters-but what's
the use? Cleveland isn't like Moses.
Philadelphia is building a million dollars
worth of breweries. That will do more than a
Sam. Jones revival-on the same line.
Says a pessimist-tbuying up all the cream
will make the good milk scarce.' Not a bit of
it-what's the matter with the pumps?
"We must be safe pas the farmer said when
he signed the note for the lightning-rod mao.
1t took everything he had to pay the note.
-
A sober second thought is often very valuable.
1t is much better to walk few steps 10 a bridge,
than TO rush mady through the muddy stream.
+.+
A "new and destructive insect" is raiding
strawberry patches at GAINESVILLE. 1t is from
three to four feet high, and wears pantaloons.
-
The Atlanta Constitution boasts that "the
present system of Civil Service Reform was
borrowed from the Confederacy." We think it
was!
Said the whiskyltes tive must put down this
Temperance question we must take the bull
by the horns"-he did! The bull settled the
matter.
Boomer-''why don't you help build up the
town?"
Citizen-"Where is your money Invested ?''
ISilence.I
Two men were boasting of their powers of
end urance, when one of them declared that he
was "as tireess as the Salvation Army" That
settled it.
e..
A fellow in Clarksburg, West Va, "died from
joy at drawing fifteen Thousand dollars in the
Louisiana State Lottery" 1t would be enough
to kill q man.
Her mouth, said Simpkins, speaking of his
girl, sis a rosebud, set with pearls!'
''Yes," said his FRIEND" and I'm the dentist
that set them %
AT Croton, Dakota, an earthquake came
along and dug an artesian well-demonstrating
that the "bowels of the earth" can't stand croton
without convulsion.
The Court of Inquiry censured both Captains
for the collision between the steamers Celtic
and Britannia. These two Captains ought to
have their heads knocked together.
The eldest son of the Prince of Wales is going
as the representative of the Queen at the jubi-
lee at Dublin. He should practice his head
against pile-driver for weeks first.
John ]. Kelley has sued the Enquirer for
sixty thousand dollars for libel. Can't make it,
John. Not a jury in the county would decide
that it was wrong for the Enquirer to fib.
Gen. Boynton goes for Cleveland's admins
tration for appointing known criminals to
office. Perhaps the President don't see any
thing un-Democratic in their past recold.
So"
One of the features of tirst-class "boom" is
to sell lots at from five thousand to ten thousand
dollars each. The real consideration in money
is generally from one to two hundred dollars.
Mrs. Patterson, of Rochester, N. Y, fell to her
knees in the court room, and prayed the Lord
to restore her husband to her. But the Lord
had already started the brute to the peniten-
tiary.