The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-02-22
4 SHORT SUMNER SERMON.
Brother Gardner Gives Some wholesome
Advice to One Entering MatrimOny.


Advice to One Entering Matrinony.
Brudder Amibad CantiIever, it am re-
ported dat you am about to take unto yerself
a wife Dat de report am true your recent
ackshuns am proof. You has bin seen pTicin'
secondhand stoves, squintin' at fO dollar
bedroom sweets, an ru5tlin' arOun arter brio
abrac. Marriage am muffin you need be
ashamed of, an / reckon you kin depend on
dis club to warm up de house fer you an
leave behind some hard bOttomed cheers an
few articles of tinware
Brudder Cantilever, marriage am a lottery
or dead sure thing-jist as you make it. If
you git stuck on sight-fau in luv wild a gal
fur her small feet, taperin' waist, d1mpled
chin or warblin' mouf, an marry her off
hand at about twelve weeks motifs, you
needn't be astonished if Oar am a dynamite
'splOshun afore you hev bin hitched a week.
Small feet an a good temper doan' allus go
together. Slim waists an kitchen economy
may not work in de same harness De gal
who charms you by de way she drums de
palmer may fatty refuse, wife,
to run dem Same fingers ObU1 de
washbod Firstly, doan git married
until You know what you are bein' FINED to.
Study de gal. Let de feet go an watch her
temper Let de bangs go an watch her econ
omy. Nebbcr you mind about de way she
AltI til1 DuI NtiS5iI II Sic II
de bed wild de foot lower dan de head. You
has got to do all de studyin' Not one gal out
of a thousand eber stops to size up a Iuver.
ii his Grecian nose or curly h'ar or droopin'
muStache strikes her fancy, she'll nebber stop
to study his natur IOr to worry Ober his
habits. She Is muryin' dat nose, or head, or
mustache. 4 month arter marriage, when he
hauls her aroun' by de hair and saps her
dimpled jaw, she's perfectly astonished to
think she made SIGH mistake.
Secondly, Brudder Cantilever, arter de knot
has bin tied make up yer mind dat de fucher
won't be all plain sailin'. You are gwine to
be tried an tested an trubbled, an you hev
got to call up all yer manhood. You win
har de sasser scrapin' de bottom of de -four
BARI when you heven't got a cent in yer
pocket. De wOOdpile viii run out in Jinuary,
an de sugar an bacon will seem to be carried
off by de rats. If yer wife am cher so good
natured she Will hev her trials an tribula-
shuns, an dar may be times when she'll
riz up an claw fur you. In de Vars gone by
my ole woman has rushed upon me wild de
rOllin pin, an / has retOTtcd in a way to make
her ears ache, but all de time | knowed she
was savin' an good hearted, an she l1nowed
I'd empty my pockets of de las shillin' to buy
her a new set OF false frizzes. If you am
suited to each OGder an occashuna1 row ia de
family viii prove stickin' plaster to hold ye
Ge clusser together. If you amt suited-if
you dislliver dat you hev struck a patch OF
Canada thistles an can't sot still, an if de Cd
der party diskivers dat she has taken turl-
bic off de monument of Romance an brought
up wild thud in de mad hole Of Reality, you
jst absquatUlate apart BIudier Cantilever,
my feelins an de feeiins OF dis club am wild
ye, am our good wishes, together wild at least
81 wurth Of tinware, kin be counted on when
ever de fatal oCcashun arroves.