Wichita eagle., 1887-01-08

Bill Nye has furnished The New York
World the following copy of cable dispatch
just forwarded to the allied powers of Eu..
rope:
SLIPPERY ELMHURsT
HUDSON, Wis, Nov. %.
To the allied powers, care of Lord Sails
bury:
GENTLEMEN-Your favor of recent date
regarding my acceptance Of the Bulgarian
throne, which is now vacant and for rent,
in which note you tender me the use of said
throne for one year, with the privilege of
three, is at hand You also state that the
allied powers are not favorable to Prince
Nicholas aud that you would all prefer
dark horse. Looking over the entire list of
obscure men. it would seem you have
been unable to fix upon man who has
made a better showing in this line than l
have.
While I thank you for this kind offer of
throne that has, as you state. been newly
reftted and refurnished throughout, l must
decline it for reasons which | viii try to
give in my own rough, unpublished way.
In the first place read in the dispatches
to-day that Russia is MODELLING her troops,
and l do not want anything 10 do with a
country that will treat its soldiers in that
way. Troops have certain rights as well
as those who have sought the pleasanter
walks of peaGe.
That is not all l do not care to enter
into squabb!e in which l am not interested.
Neither do I care to go to Bulgaria in the
capacity of & carpetbaS monarch, from the
ten cent counter, wearing boiler iron
overcoat BY day and a stab proof corset at
night. | have always been in favor Of Bull
Caria's selection of monarch viva voca or
vox ropuli, whichever you think would
look the best in print.
[ hate to see q monarch in hot water all
the time and threatening to abdicato. Sup
posing be does abdicate, what good will that
do, when he leaves a widow with nothing
but q second hand throne and q crown two
sizes too small for his successor? | have
always said, and | still say, that nothing
can be more pitiful than the sight of a
lovely queen whose husband. in q wild
frenzy OF renoTse, has abdicated himself
Nothing, l repeat, can be sadder than this
picture of a deserted queen left high and
dry, without means, for ed at last TO go to
the pawnbrol;ers with little plated, fluted
crown with rabbit skin ear tabs on Il,
We are prcne 10 believe that monarch
has nothing to do but issue a ulase or a
mandamus and that he will then have all
the funds he wants; bat such is not the case
Lots Of our most successful monaTchs are
liable to be overtaken any year by long,
cold winter and found as late as Christmas
reigning III their summer scepter.
/ am inclined also TO hesitate about ac-
cepting the Bulgarian throne for another
reason-I do not care to be deposed when
| want to be doing something else. have
had my deposition taken several times and
it did not look like me either time
[ thipl, that You nnonarchs ought TO stand
by each other more. If you would form a
society Of free and independent monarchs
there in Europe, where you are so plenty,
you could have a good time and every little
while you could raise your salaries il you
worked it right
Row you pull and haul each other all the
time and keep yourselves in hot water day
and night. That's no way for dynasty
any more than any one else It impairs
your usefulness and fills our telegraphic
columns full Of names that we cannot pro-
nounce. Every little while we have to pay
the operator at this end of the cable $40 for
writing in rapid, flowing hand that
gard tho acts of the Sobranie"
Why should great country like Russia
go about trying to make trouble with q low
priced So5ranje? l think that closer al
lance of crowned heads, whose interests arc
identical, would certainly relieve the mono
tony OF many q long, tedious reign. If
were 10 accept the throne of Bulgaria,
which is not likely, so long as my good
fiorl,t n, 90 Iii ia-,Ir
saw in the English tongue, I would form a
syndicate Of monarchs with grips, pass
words, explanations and signals; every
scepter would have a contralto whistle in
the butt end which could be used as a SIGN
of distress, whilo the other end could have
q cork in it, and then steering a lettering
dynasty down through the dim vista of
crulnbling centuries would not be so irl.-
some as it now is.
As 1t is now, three or four allied powers
ask a man to leave his business and squat
on a cold, hard throne for a mere pittance.
and then Just as he begins to let his whis-
ker5 grow and learns to dodge big porce-
lain bomb those Same allied powers jump
on top Of BIN all spraddlcd out and ask him
for bis deposition. That is no way to treat
an amateur monarch who is trying to do
right
You can see that unless you stand by each
other the thrones of Europe VIII soon be
empty and every 50 day hotel il America
will have an heir apparently to the throne
for head waiter, with a corOnct pct in on
his clothes with q rubber stamp and q loaded
scepter W his sleeve.
II You want to rear your children TO love
and respect the monarchy industry you
must afford them better protection l say
this as q man who may not live % be over
100 years Of GGe, and with ny feet thus set
ting into tie bogSy shores OF time let me
beg Of yOu, mcnarchs AMI raonarchesses,
to make Your calling an honorable one
Teach yCur children and their children to
respect the business by which their parents
earned their bread Show them that it is
to empire a country If they DO it
right. Teach them that to do right IS better
than to frauduleutiy turn q Jack from the
bottom Of the pack Teach them that il is
better TO be & popular straight oCt-and-out
partisan king who is sincere about IL than
to be & mugwuInp monarch who dares not
leave lis throne night or day for fear that
VIII put a number OF bombs
under it or criticise him in the papers.
| would like TO empire Bulgaria this win /
ter first rate if 1 could get back in time TO
remove the countelpane from Iay aspara-
gus bed, bCt it would hardly pay me TO DO +
%. II Nicholas VIII 90 it, and Go it a:
living rates I would tell him to 20 ahead
If you furnish reiEning tools ard palace I
he ought to do it at 81, 200 a year, or say /
81, 500 and find himself Yours sincerely, /
Bill Nye.
1,500-CoLect.
Pretty Present for n Bride.
y ST. Louis CLERGYMAN devised 9 pretty /