Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-09-01
MY BABIES.
"reminiscences of e. Husband and
Father.


Father.
There was time when I looked upon
the author of "Helen's Babies" as Il
cOnfound-no, q cOnsummate falsifier.
My wife says that nothing but the
purest and most refined language
should be used in the presence of chill
dren, and that they are never too
young to be impressed by the sounds
around them; consequently all-well,
I'll call them torciJle-expressions,
have been avoided since the advent of
Alphonse, our eldest boy; and since
the arrival of belmont the most sub
dued and pathetic-looking man that
walks the streets of C. answers to
the name of pa" not only at our
house, but on the street, from back
yards and alleys, from anywhere and
everywhere. Now, as l was saying,
instead of looking upon the author as
a man who manufactured all of those
yarns, I'm prepared to say the half
was never told, or else those Young
sters were too saint-like to live to
mans estate.
Why, only last week. from the hind
or end of a street-car. l heard shouts
of "Papa!" Papa and caught a
glimpse of some little ragamuffins
who looked like, couldn't tell exactly
whom, but l grinned with delight
when l thought they are some other
fellows boys getting Il free ride. and
he, poor fellow, will soon be chasing
around after police officers. and their
whole neighborhood will be in an up
roar till tn ''little dears'' are found.
AS the car passed me rather IA pidly,
/ did not give them a second glance,
but soon found myself at the bank
where have the honor of being cash
Ter. An hour later, when deep in con-
versation with the president and sew
eral of the directors. with "Beg par
don for interruption. but you are
wanted Immediately" l saw a big
brawny policeman before me, who
said: John Smith?''
My brain reeled. my knees shook,
and iii the second that interviewed be-
fore the entire system collapsed. like
drowning man l reviewed my whole
past life. Had l. in moment of
alteration of mind or somnambulism,
robbed the bank? Concluding that l
had. was just off. when I'm find pa
myself. Del" and ''Shut up, Alph,"
shouted in the next room. acted as
tonic, and once more blood flowed
through my veins. and my heart at
tended to its legitimate business.
! The door opened. and the smiles of
the company did not add to my COM
placency as l looked upon the boys.
who, after washing their faces in mo-
lasses, had covered the lower part with
pine needles (my wife intended to use
them for stuffing ''head rest''), and
made ''whiskers just like papa's." they
said. and after accidentally killing one
of the bantams l bought the day be-
fore. they had pulled out the feathers
and ornamented their heads.
When the policeman ''took them in"
they told him they ''were going to the
bank to see papa" and he, like wise
man-at least he thought himself one
-''concluded to accompany them and
save the distress of the family, if their
loss became known"
gave the man five dollars. and told
him l would double it if he would take
them to their mother Immediately.
That little job off my hands. l went
back to business. to he slightly an-
nOyed. however. by the ecStatic ex-
preston that had overspread the face
of Brown, the teller. who, I'm sure.
has never quite forgiven me for VIM
ming Julia
The more 1 thought, the more
wrathy l grew. and decided that both
boys should be flogged-severely
MISUNDERSTANDING l had acute
recollections of my own childhood,
and had thought it possible to greatly
Improve upon Solomon's and my IA
theirs method. We had tried love
through thick and thin. though when
they were trying to pick out little
Katharine's eyes my wife did shake
them. and when Aiph tipped over the
step-ladder to get Del of she threatened
70 whip him.