News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-10-13
OVER THE GARDEN WALL.

There is millionaire within whose
gardens several statues stand. He has
or had lovely statue of Venus, and
Venus used to stand in a modest, depre-
catory attitude in the garden, and en-
dure all sorts of inspection. Well, one
night the millionaire had been at an
Irish home rule meeting and had i'm
bibed some very strong arguments. As
he wandered through the garden to find
the front door of the house, which he
was coming to believe had been taken
inside for the night, his eye fell on
Venus. He stood and gazed at the
statue of beauty long time. Then he
walked up and shook his fist at it.
''Look here, Venus, it just occurs to
me you've been here IA years and you've
never paid cent of rent. You'd bet
ter get out of this And he pitched
her over the garden wall. .-SanF Francisco
Chronicle.
WOULD FLOP.
A Western Michigan wool buyer, who
was circulating among farmers to engage
their clips, met with one who was in
clined to look upon the matter as a sort
of gambling affair.
much, a month III advance ofshearing,"
said he. "How do you know that wool
won't go mp or down? The price may
be too much or not enough. 1t looks
like flying in the face of Providence
After II long argument he agreed to
leave it to his wife, and she replied:
Good Ioo Bantist ,tstG, as 1ou | are, and if there
is anything in our religion which says
we slant take 2S cents pound for our
wool when we didn't expect 25, we'll ac-
cept the offer on the wool and flop over
to the Methodists. Dry Goods ChrOni-
Gle.
THE MILLENNIUM STILL DISTANT.
Ohio Man-Are you Henry George,
the great philanthropist?
Henry George-Yes, sir, the millen-
MUM will
81 know all about your scheme, but [
have better one which l wish you
would take hold of.
"Eh?"
eyes, sir. You see I live along the
thinking of this thing for years.
eyes, my theory was the work of n
life time, too. What is it you propose
to do %
MY plan is drain Lake Erie and live
on the fish. "
"Oh, that won't do-won't do at all. !"
"Why won't it?"
81 don't like fish. "-Omuha World.
OVER PRACTISING.
They We're sitting on the sofa in the
dim twilight, when he gently stole his
Il L E.,
minutes of silence, she probably waiting
for him to make the long-looked-for
proposition. It did not come, SO she
murmured
"Do you think it right to put your
arm about my waist p
eyes, [ see no wrong" he replied.
"You have purpose, then, in it !" she
whispered.
"a selfish purpose, perhaps" he re-
turned. 81 am practising, SO that when
[ come to the proper person will not
be awkward"
"You will remember, sir, that famil-
iarity breeds contempt" was the angry
retort. Philadelphia Bulletin.
COULD NOT BE BILL.
The Hibernian maid had been to the
and the place, and, as people do, when
a locality is strange, she noticed all sorts
of little things she could see at home
but had never thought of before. She
walked into the room with a letter i'll
her hand.
"Here's letter for you, madam"
The mistress took it and looked at it.
"It looks like bill, she said.
"Arrah, no, madam. 1t can't be q
bill. Sure they don't send bills through
the post office.
"What makes you think that p
''Well, madam, down at the post
office I see q sign an it's got printed on
it ''POst no bills. San Francisco Chr0n-
icle.
PICKING SCENERY.
Not very long ago an enthusiast in
the fora of Massachusetts was straying
through a lovely wooded road and col
lecting such bright blooming twigs as
seemed good to her. Presently vehi-
Gle ratified along, and a sharp voice
called out: "Say What yo're dom
there? Put down your umbrella; it Isl
frightening my hoss !"
The enthusiast meekly closed the
umbrella, remarking that she was only
getting some of the sumac leaves.
oval, [ never see anything like you
folks !" contemptuously reioined the
occupant of the wagon; 81 should think
you might be about better bizness than
picking scenery. "-Boston HeraM.
A SHORT INTERMISSION.
"You were not at church last Sun
day" said the good pastor, in mild re
proach.
"No," said Bagley, getting red in the
face. "The fact is. [ have some notion
of retiring from the church during the
summer months"
''Is it possible !" exclaimed the pastor,
in Mortified tone. "Have you become
infected with these modern free-think-
ing notions that"
''No, no! not ut all. The fact is,
I've bought q lawn mower, and I'm
afraid can't be . consistent Christian
while I'm learning to handle the blamed
thing. - PHUodclphja CaH.
DOMESTIC AFFAIRS.
BROOKLYN Husband Ito wifej-Have
I,,,1oabD11 o,.ppIIpTL for fine