News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-07
THE JOKERS BUDGET.
BEST WE FIND IN THE PAPERS.
His Wife was with Him-Wheu Wo-
men Vote-Did not Refuse-The
Twig-Parted-Odd and Ends,
Etc, Etc.
SHE DIDN'T REFUSE.

Etc, Etc.
SHE DIDN'T REFUSE.
A woman who keeps a boarding house
on Larned street called at police head
quarters yesterday, to complain that a
gentleman boarder had skipped her
house, leaving bill unpaid.
"He owes me about forty dollars and
l want him caught" she added.
"What kind of a person was he p
asked the Sergeant.
''Well, the day before he went away
he offered to marry me to settle the bill.
You can Judge what cheek he has,"
"And you refused e.
'Yes-no-no, [ didn't - she ex-
claimed, as she blushed clear back to
her ears. ''It was all settled that we
should be married, and that's one reason
why I'll pursue him to the ends of the
earth. A man who'll jump a board bill
and marriage engagement, too, is an
outlaw who should be locked up. ."-De-
troit Free Press.
NO EXTRA SESSION.
s'NIy dear" said Congressman to his
daughter, at breakfast. "Wasn't young
Brown here last night until twelve
O'clOckl"
eyes, papa" she replied with pretty
little blush.
"Weu, my dear, you should not per-
nit it. It has been that way for seven
teen nights, hasn't it =
eyes, papa"
Don't you know that is hardly the
proper thing2"
eyes, papa"
"FThen why do you do it 2" he asked,
impatiently.
because, papa I expect to go away
next week, and [ am rushing the bust
ness so that there will not have to be an
extra session. - Washington Critic.
ADVANTAGE OF TOWN CLOCK.
Portage wis Girl-"Oh, you Omaha
girls haven't any spunk. Why don't
you form a mutual improvement society
like we did 2"
Omaha Girl-''Why, what has your
society accomplished p
"WeIl we held fairs and did all sorts
of things until we got enough funds to
purchase town clock. When it strikes
it can be heard everywhere.
''Of all things! What good has that
done you2"
"Good2 Why our mothers can't set
man coming in the gate !'-One07t0
World.
HIS WIFE WAS WITH HIM.
$50 you've been out West2" he
Jueried of citizen who returned the
other day.
eyes"
s'Lots of snow out there2"
millions of acres. I was snow
bound on a train for fifteen hours.
There were twenty-five ballet girls in my
car"
''And your wife was with you2"
''Alas yes"
''Great Scott but how you must have
ot,ife1od '----1s&es'soeese l,esse!s,.
AS THE TwIe IS BENT, ETC.
"How does it happen, Nose, that you,
4 Christian wet nurse for your child"
asked Kosciusko Murphy of Nose
''Murphy, I dell you how dat was.
You know we Chews get our living from
dose Schent1leS.
"I am aware of the fact.
''Vell, 1 hires dot Scientific vet nurse
20 dot my little offspring can pegin
EASILY to get his dot tyay. "-Tecas SJtiags.
SHOWING soLICIrUDE.
Father Ito family physician). 'Isn't
George Sampson a relative Of yours,
ioctor 2"
Family Physician. ayes, he is
nephew"
Father. "He wants my daughter,
1ut [ gave him to understand that she
wouldn't get any of my money until
lfter my death"
Family Physician. "That was right.
George was asking about your health to-
lay"
ILL-DEsERvED FAME.
Omaha Husband-Wel, I told you
ny friend DeGrand was a wonderful
nan. Now what do you think of him?
Omaha Wife-He's a fool.
"Fool Why he is one of the most
amous scientists of the day"
"He's born idiot"
"How can you talk so!"
''He thought this precious little treas
lre was boy and she's most a month
Id "-Omah0 World
A HINT.
Mrs. Fortuneseeker had been limiting
0 Judge B., who is old and rich, that
ler daughter would make him a good
nd loving wife.
''She is very much in love with you,
udge," said the lady, suggestively.
81 am sorry, but [ cannot reciprocate
he affection of q young lady who shows |
uch bad taste" replied the old Judge, |
eaching for his hat and cane.-Sh0e and /
.eather Reporter.
THE POETS LAMENT. i
Thin Poet to Fat Butcher-''Yo have
nice time of it, Mr.. Sirloin. You can
at and drink as much as you like, but
OF so with me.
Fat Butcher-'Why don't you eat as
luch as you want to z"
Thin Poet-''NIy dear sir, if I were to
at as much as I wanted to ON my in
ONE, I'd have starved to death long
go. ."-A,stin ,SJtings.
HE WAS POSTED.
"What is the leading branch in your
chOOl z" asked lady OF teacher.
Before the teacher could vouchsafe
eply, little boy interrupted the con-
ersation with:
81 know :"
'And what is it little boy ?" asked the
ldy.
"That switch in the corner, ma'am."
FAvORTTE BRANDS.
Young Hobsonby Tin Harlem cigar
5ore)-Have you the Rosa Perfecto Gu
ana Victoria cigar!
Dealer (regretfully)-N-no, sir; but
e have the Carissima Caramba Y Los
ngelos Ypsilnnti brand.
Young Hobsonby-How much are
icy?
Dealer-Two for tive.-N. Y. Sun.
IN THE BOTTLE.
Judge-''So, Patrick, you beat your
ife Z"