Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1887-07-07
BILL NYE'S FOURTH.
he RELATES HIS EXPERIENCE AT
WHALEN'S GROVE.
Where He Listened 10 the Grafton Of Judge Larraby
Walt McDOugall AlSD Says Something
Of Independence Day in the Pas.

NEW YORK, July 3.-The World to day
publishes the GLOWING from Bill Nye:
There were patriotic remarks and
greased-pig exercises ut Whalen's grove
last year ON the Fourth, all of which, &c
cOrding to the Sandy Mush Rccond-StdteS-
man, passed OIL with marked success. From
the opening prayer to the base ball contest
and greased-pole dOngs everything was
harmonious, and the receipts were salts
factory. Colonel l.. Forsyth lteelcy acted
as marshal of the day, wearing 4 maroon
sash and mounted on his well-known horse
Mambrino King. A serious accident III
the early morning was happily averted by
Colonel Heeley's GOODNESS and sell.pOSSes
sion. A lady from Lower lIOminy, whose
name could not he asCertained, while &C
lively engaged in listening to the band
and holding her young child so that it
could get q good view of the sun, became en-
tangled in her train, which had worked
around in front. and while recovering her-
self Colonel L. Forsyth Heelcy came down
the street in advance of the fire laddies
The horse was rearing high III the air and
going sidewiSe with SIucaElng Soupd,
which seemed to be caused by the friction
between his second and third stomach.
His mouth was wide open, and his fiery
red gums could be seen ~ lar ~ the eye
could reach. Almost every one thought
there would be u holocaust, hut at that
trying instant, as if by magic, Colonel
Heeley decided to 40 down the other
street.
Our fire laddies made n fine appearance
in their new, hot uniforms, and were not
full during the parade, as was stated by
the Hickory Township World.
Everybody seemed 10 feel an interest i'll
patriotism, with the exception of an old
party from distance, who opened the eX
ercises by cutting large watermelon and
distributing it with lavish hand among
himself lie then went to sleep in the
corner of a fence, where he would have
been greatly pestered by flies 1t lie had
found out about it in time.
After pleasant and courteous prayer
by Rev Mr.. MeekS, in which be laid be-
fore the Lord national policy which he
felt would make great hit, our glee club
sang:
Oh, say can sou see, etc
Judge larraby read the Declaration of
Independence in a rich, dark red voice.
and self-made man from Hickory Town
ship delivered the following impromptu adj
dress, the manuscript of which he kindly
furnished to the Record SALESMAN
JUDGE LARRABY's GRAFTON.
Fellow CTTIZENS-This is the ami
verSarv OF the day when freedom towards
all and malice towards none first got a
tOOthOld in this country. And we are now
to celebrate that day. | say that on that
day Tieruy and usurpation got Il setback
that they will never recover from. We
then paved the way for the poor, oppressed
foreigner, so that he could come To our
shores and take liberties with our form of
government. To be foreigner here in
America to-day is one OF the sweetest
boOns. II could be Just what | wOuld
like to be, | would he an oppressed for
eigner, landing on our shores, free from the
taxation and responsibility OF government,
with no social demands made on me, with
nothing in my possession but a hearty
GOdspeed from both political parties
and a strong yearning for freedom. oh,
why WAS l not born an alien, that both
parties wouldn't dast 10 reprOach; an
alien that can come here and find gov
eminent already established, with no flies
on it; government OF the people, by the
people and for the people. (Fire-crackers
and applause
''On the day that Button Gwinnett put
his name to the statement that all men
WAS created more or eSs equal, the spot
on which we now stand was q bowling
wilderness. Where yonder lemonade
stand now stands and realizesa clean profit
Of $47. 81 on an investment of So. 30, the
rank thistle rn!dol in the wynd and the
wild fox dug his hole unscared. II you do
not believe this refer you TO the principal
of our pnblic school, who is to-day assist
ing in the band and who is now in the act
of Impending his alto horn to pour out
about teacupful of liquid melody that he
bad left over from the last tune.
PROBLEMS OF POLITICS.
And why is this? Why are we to- day
u free people, with a surplus in the treas
ury that nobody can get ut all? Loud
applause and squeal from grass-fed horse
tied to tree, who is being kicked by AIRED
two year-old owned by the pathmaster of
road district No. B.
"Wby are our resonreas an oraaf that