Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-04-08
AN OBNOXIOUS BEAU.
BILL NYE ADVISES A YOUNG LADY
WHAT TO 90.
lie Suggests n Judicious Use OF q
Younger Brother-Sad Music Recon-.
mended-Avoid Laughing at His Funny
Stories-OtEer Plans.
BosroN, Feb. q. 1887.

Mn NYE-1 have enjoyed all your writings in
The Globe ever so much, and noticing that you
have given great deal OF advice free, thought
that possibly YOU would tell me the best method
Of getting rid Of an impcrtinent young man,
whose room is much preferable to his company.
Hoping that 10 not intude on your valuable
time. Yours truly, -.
You Go not say why you wish to get rid
of the young man, nor do you state what
Is the matter with him; whether he is q
poor conVersatiOnalist or too fluent in that
line; whether the first two joints Of his
finger and thumb are yellow with cigar
cite stains, or what his leading character
istics are. Possibly he has fatty degener-
alton Of the thinker
However, You say lie is an impudent
young man, and | infer that You have
gone through the preliminaries Of gentle
scorn and such things rs that Now,
what shall we do to make him fully I'M
derstand that you DO not want him to re-
main;
Perhaps you have such thing rs n
younger brother about the house. If so,
bring him in and let him toy with the
young man n few hours. You can excuse
yourself while you oStensibly put on your
other dress, and if YOU delay long enough
you can cause the young man great deal
of intense suffering You can take the
right kind Of Younger brother, with in
fammatory hair and white eyes and warts
on his thumbs and season cracks in the
backs Of his hands, and if you properly
'sick" the boy on his prey and fasten the
door securely you can come back in an
hour and do anything you want TO with
that young man. | know this to be true,
for have been the young man myself.
have also been the boy.
OTHER INDIGNITIEs.
l have known a young man who in.
Tested n house that way 10 he oradicated
by means OF very sad music. They do not
die in the house.
Another plan would be to avoid laugh
ing at his funny anecdotes. Wait till he
gets through with his anccdote and looks
up in your eyes for Il twinkle of merri-
ment. That is the time 10 refrain from
twinkling. Wait till he gets TO the nub
Of the joke, Gs il were. and rrcks up his
ears to listen for Il wild burst Of silvery
laughter. That is the time TO hang on TO
your silvory laughter. II VIII give him
panied expression Of countenance and
you viii see him soon after look at his
watch When lie completes his story,
suddenly wake up and ask him if that is
all. Few men can endure this for over
two weeks.
OF course there are other and more
radical methods Of accomplishing the re-
suit you wish, but these are tho ones more
common in the best socicty | naturally
supposed that you wanted the methods
used in the best society. or you would
have gone elsewhere instead Of coming
to me-
Should You finally wish to be more Sc
we're, however, you can invite n young
girl TO be present during the young mans
stay. / would suggest that this young
girl he fluent talker on the subject Of
clothes. If you both keep the talk going
pretty well while the young man looks at
the album or gazes with n fixed stare
through a stercoscope that hasn't any pic
lures in it, you VIII soon have his pachy-
dermic pelt on the fence.
BARE POSSIBILITY.
But there is bare possibility that this
young man is in love with YOU. and would
think it hUmoru.ls even if you were TO fill
him full of fine shot. In that case ! 60
not know what You ought TO do. Love is
a strange missiye IL goes where it is
not sent and it refuses TO 90 where it is
sent.
If You could get him away by himself,
1t would be well enough. perhaps, TO ask
him If he loves you. That's the way
would do. The quicker n matter Of that
kind is disposed Of the better Ask him
In manly way if such is the case. and II
he really does love you, and has reason 10
believe that you were paying attention 10
him all this time, you cannot in honor de-
sert him now.
Do not be discouraged. Let mo know
how You get on with the suggestions ]
have made above and am confident VIC
will succeed
Have you ever tried wearing n large,
tall hat with stuffed bluejay in it to the
theatre and sitting in the seat just in
front of him? Try it If you have not done
SO already, and if you 90 not get rid of
him, as well rs n great number Of law
abiding citizens, write me and | Will sug-
gest something else.
Yours truly BILL NYF