Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-08-04
THE DEACON'S DINNER.
BY HELEN FOREST GRAVES.

The good housewives of the neighbor-
hood often said that Mrs. Smart ought
to be the happiest woman in the world.
"Such nice house as she lives in!'
said Miss Boyce, who poor soul, Taught
the district school, and boarded around"
like the scapegoat In the Scripture wild
erness.
Such pious man as the dear Deacon
is!' added Mrs. Hopkins, whose better
half had once been a sea captain and who
was still apt to be profane by fits and
starts, when the cattle got into the clover
field, and the midnight weasel marauded
on his hen coops and turkey roosts.
"With a store carpet on the best room
foor!' put in Mrs. Jones, "and weekly
newspaper, and white sugar in her tea
every day of her life, and horse and
wagon TO take her to meetin' Sundays"
Such was the opinion of society as re-
presented in Glen Hollow. Perhaps
Mrs. Deacon Smart was a happy woman.
But we are told on the best authority,
that.
''The heart knoweth its own bitterness
Mrs. Smart was washing up her best
China, one morning, preparatory to Civ
ing grand tea-party, and her cousin,
Ella Dale, was helping her, when the
Deacon put his shining bald head in at
the door.
"My DEAR" he said "here is paper of
pins for YOU"
Mrs. Smart nearly dropped giltedged
saucer, in her CONSERVATION.
"More pins" said she.
eyes, my DEAR" said the Deacon, un-
ctuouslg. 'Pius are always useful"
"Oh, yes, pins!' said Mrs. Smart, Civ
ing her glass towel toss as she wiped
the last globule of moisture from the
goblet. ''But no rows of rusty wire! do
say for it Ebenezer -"
I'm going to Glen Depot, my DEAR
the Deacon somewhat hurriediy inter
rupted, at this juncture; "and perhaps I
shan't be home till one O'clock"
He withdrew, and Mrs. Smart turned to
Ella Dale with half laugh.
''There, my dear," said she, throwing
down the faded green roll of pinpaper on
the dresser" there you behold the
secret of my domestic unhappiness-t
skeleton in my closet"
Ella opened her round, hazel eyes very
wide.
'''I can't think what you mean, Julian
na,' she said. ''You unhappy? and
the dear Deacon such truly good man ?''
That's the trouble" said Mrs. Smart,
''he is too goud.'
''But I don't hardly see how that can be
possible protested Ella, more perplexed
than ever.
And it's all at my expense" said Mrs.
Smart, dolefully. "Do you see that paper
Of pins?"
"Why, of course, I see it," replied
Ella.
"Well, Mr.. Smart has bought paper of
pins of a peddler at the door," said Mrs.
Smart. "Peddlers always come here.
This house is a Mecca to the race of
peddlers. They know that Mr.. Smart
always buys of them-he's too good
hearted TO say no; or rather-let US speak
the truth, ana shame him who shall be
nameJess between US = he is really
too INDECENT 10 resist their importGn-
tiles
Ella burst out laughing.
"But what a very insignificant trialn'
she said.
ooh yes, 1 dare say!" said Mrs. Smart.
The sting of hornet isn't so very terrible
IN itself, but when q swarm is let loose on
you, what then?"
a whole swarm?" repeated innocent
Ella.
u6dT. Sdlu MIS-.
her voice to a confidential whisper, 'up
stairs in my bedroom closet, [ have Is
papers of just such cheap pins, utterly
useless for anything but to bend them
selves up dousle when you try to put
them through single thickness of calico
and to deprive you of your temper just
when you need it most, six cards of por-
celain buttons, an article which [ never
use, nine packages Of stove backing,
thirteen bottles of machine oil, five
papers of rusty needles, a dozen pairs of
shoe strings, and eight rolls of tape,
which is an insult to ones conamon sense.
If | could reconcile it to my conscience,
I'd fling the whole collection into the fire,
but | was brought up to economic.
What do you think, Ella, would it be sin
to annihiIate all these pitfalls TO my
squanimity?"
1T is rather 8 hard problem" said Ella
soberly.
"And with all this" said Mrs. Smart,
waxing vehement as she went on.
Ebenezer is unwilling to give mo money
to buy decent darning needles and re-
spectacle tape. He wonders why l can't
make my dresses last little longer, and
thinks I am extravagaut in wanting a
hSM lSdlASI lOI oiu OohhCo'
He says that use too many raislns and
spices, and asks me why | can't raise
poultry and have eggs to exchange for
groceries at the village store. And yet
oh, the inconsistency of men-he ex-
poets me to give bowl of coffee and a
sandwich, 10 say nothing of wedges of
apple pie, and three-cornered bits of
cake, to every able-bodied tramp and
stout peddler woman who happens TO
come along
Doesn't he make any allowance for it
in the housekeeping money?n asked Ella.
mot he! Just look here!n Mrs. Smart
opened the drawer of the kitchen table,
''This is where 1 keep the house keeping
money-which he gives me every week
and he came here twice this morning
once to get quarter for lame beggar
and again to get ten pennies for that
same outrageous paper of plns!'
And she cast baleful blance at the
article, which still lay on the dresser.
''This is piracy" said Ella, iudicially.