St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1887-10-16

iously looking for large and appreciative au-
diences, this paragraph is republished as
quiet pointer for George Francis Train.
PATHS NERVE.
Nine. Patti has decided to learn to play the
banjo and if at any time within the next two
months man with disheveled hair, a wild
haunted look in his dark eyes, buttons miss
ing from his pants and socks that wear
neglected appearance, is found wandering
aimlessly around solitary places in Europe,
his name will probably be Nicolinl.
NO CONTRACTION THERE.
"Heat expands and cold contracts" said
the professor to his class in natural philos
ophy and a few moments later he noticed one
of the scholars at the lower end of the class
with a puzzled look on his face scratching
his head thoughtfully.
swell James," said the professor, "what S
troubling your
''That idea that cold contracts" slowly re-
Piled James.
Don't you think it does?"
'Not in the case of a tobboggan slide, that
looks about fifteen feet long when you go
down and mile long when you walk back ~
POETS DISTRESS.
William Morris, a gentleman of considera.
BILE note, who lives in London and writes
poetry, is reported to be in distress, because
the anarchists are to be hung. Mr.. Morris at
this time probably has better idea than ever
before of how his neighbors feel when they
read the announcement in the morning pa
pers that he will soon publish new volume
of poetry. If his distress keeps him awake
nights he should come over and trade jobs
with one Of the anarchists. 1t is hard to find
anybody who can't write poetry, but there
are very few people who know how to hang
gracefully and not work their toes and hump
up their shoulders during the performance.
1T SURPRISED HIM.
The coachman had asked the merchant if
he could marry his daughter and stood
tremblingly awaiting the old mans reply.
I'm surprised" said the old man at last
81 like you first rate, john like to have
you about the house when you change your
clothes before you come in, but that you
should ask for the hand of my daughter sur
prises me-" r
Don't you consider me honest and honor
able?'' asked John. l.r
Perfectly" replied the merchant.
''Don't you consider me good enough for
your daughter to marry?' $50
eyes"
"Then what surprises your
''That you didn't elope with her." t
IN BILL NYE's STEAD. :: Z
A female cornet band has been organized
in Hudson, Wis. Ever since Bill Nye quit
that town the citizens have been low-spirited
and they have encouraged the organization
OF this band to sort Of fill the aching void
created by the departure of Mr. Nye They
think this band will make them forget in a
measure their great loss. They think it will
give them something to think about during
the long winter evenings. They think the
young ladies will play on the comets and the
comets will play on their feelings. That
they will be compelled to laugh and howl and
shrek, good deal as they were wont to do
when Mr.. Nye sat in the corner grocery and
told them stories. They think the band will
sort of drive away the monotony. They have
the impression that it will have about the
same effect on them. whenever they show up
for practice, that barrel of whisky would.
The band looks to the city for its chief means
of support and the city council have de-
cided to employ it during the hot season to
ward off cyclones and to protect the people
against typhoid fever, whooping cough,
measles and other epidemics. But this band
has an enemy in the Woman's Christian Tenn
perance Union.
why" did you say2
Because the members never go out to play
for an evening without taking horn before
they go.
Strange, isn't it!
SHORT DRESSES AND BUsTLEs.
st. Paul mother to her thirteen-year-old
daughter-Claude, what are you getting out
your wraps for?
Claude-I'm going out this evening for q
drive with Charley Smart.
"But, my dear, you haven't asked by con-
sent YETI
II know that
Don't you know that you are not old
enough to choose your own company and go
out evenings without consulting me? You
must remember that you are not out of short
dresses YETI
Il know, but wear bustle''
THE DOCTORS ADVICE
My dear fellow said the doctor to his
patient, as he pressed his thumb on his pulse
what you need is more out door exercise
You should take ride every day. What is
your business?''
Patient-I drive sprinkling cart
INCONSISTENCY.
'tSmith, don't see why the Mississippi
river is called the father of waters.''
''Why?"
Because it is spelled Mississ Sippi."
A GREAT COUNTRY.
Sport-Montana is the greatest country for
sport was ever in. I'll bet you there are
10000 FLOODED fighting cocks in that terri
tory.
Old Bum-Zay, Jim, letsh go there.
what for?'
"Musht be great place for cocktails
PECULIAR REMINDER.
Miss Gosh, the belle of Bird Island, stood
beneath the wide-spreading branches of q
sturdy oak that east its shadow over the
northeast corner of her fathers broad past
ure. Her tiny foot tapped coquettishly alit-
tie tuft of blue violets A little way off Au-
gustus ComStock leaned on the bars his
chin resting on his hands and his eyes drink
ing in the charms of Miss Goshs beautiful
face. The breezes toyed with her skirts and
lifted them, displaying pair of pretty
ankles.
Her socks were red.
The glazing color caught the eye of a merry
GUS bovine of the male persuasion grazing
near her, and with an angry roar he lowered
his head and charged straight at the tanta-
lizing hosiery. With a frightened scream the
girl fell into Georges muscular arms and he
lifted her over the bars just i'll advance of che
horns of tie maddened beast ri {.
GEORGE painted Miss Gosh. as she day
confidingly on his low-cut vest, George,
do you know what battle in modern history
this reminds me of?''
Il haven't the slightest idea " murmured
George.
Bull Rum" she llsped, and George s breast
hove with sub-dude emotion.
ARE YOU SATISFIED?
Dear reader, if you persist in asking why
we men are such liars, l feel duty bound to
tell you. You see, hem! You see. we are
such modest beings we don't like to have too
much to do with the naked truth.
Tom HOLMES.
AND A MINING Boom.
Kit Carson needs: