Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-05-26
SPICE.

cook can change his pots, but lsop-
ard can not.
The number of women who really care
to vote is about equal to the number of
men who like to put the baby to sleep.
we have jast received letter from an
hngilsh friend IN the Punjaub, in which
we are assured that the Sikhs are all verv
well.
The Chicago Baseball Club sold a pitch
er the other day for the handsome sum
OF $1,000. Crockery must be advancing.
That's beefsteak joke" remarked
one OF the boarders at breakfast. sWhat
kind OF jokes that?" asked the man
across the table. TOO tough to be pleas
ant"
If Samson had had Herr Most's law
bone there wouldn't have been Philistines
enough left to make grease spot.
Tennyson's last poem is in blank verse.
Some cities are mean enough to insiuuate
that he ought to fill out the blanks.
1t is stated that powder company in
New York has stopped business, but it
is nothing new to hear of powder-miu
''going up"
"Ma," said little Tommy, "do the In
jins own the Railroads.&c. mo, my son.
well, they've got something to do with
them, eos pa says he bought his ticket OF
a scalper."
Customer-"But, sir, this coat that you
have made for me is too small. Can't
you change lt?" Clothing dealsr-sNo
sir. The only thing that you can do is to
go to an antl'fat cure and grow thin
ner."
Mamma-"You're surely not afraid OF
gentle COW, Ethel. Why, she gives You
all the nice butter for lunch, you know"
Ethel obviously 1.-THE Butter is Just
is just the part of her I'm afraid of,
mamma"
Very ordinary objects often make won
derfully impressive pictures. We have
known the simple drawing of revolver
to command the breathless attention OF
half dozen people.
Buffalo Bill (after the reception to
Indian chieftain) swell, Holler-a- hole-in
the-air, what did you think of Her Males
ty, the Queen" Holler-a -hole-in- the air
ugh! Heap fat squawr'
"Have cigar, Harry?" said a traveller.
mo, thanks. The brand you smoke is
altogether too strong for me-" ssweu,
that's is accordance with your usual self"
''How's that?" "You were always a great
fellow for drawing things mild"
Wife (at breakfast How beautifully
Mrs. Cadwaller was dressed at the opera
last night. Her costume was revelation
to me! Husband (dryly)-and it was to
me too.
"Yes,' he said, "I've been on Wall
street now for three years and have made
great deal OF money" Rather pre-
carious business isn't it?" mo; I'm in
the retail liquor line.''
Con next Sunday" said Father Mag
u1re to the congregation, "the funeral of
A. B. will be held in this church. I shall
preach a funeral sermon on the occasion,
and the man himself will be here-the
first time in twenty years."
First gentleman, looking at painting
hung near the ceiling in the art gallery
'NWhat do you thing of Daub's latest
painting?" Second gentlem an, Simp-
ly heavenly" Well. yes, it is pretty shigh
up, isn't it?''
"What picturesque little cottageI A
veritable Swiss chalet" "a Swiss shall
he, do you call it?" To my mind it's like
an Irish shan't he.'
The Interstate question; Mrs Young
bride Honeymoon Ito husband, who is a
railroad President)-"Are you sure you
will always, always love me more than
you will any one else?" Mr.. Honeymoon
(absently )-"Impossibl to say. You see,
it is very doubtful weather the Interstate
law will allow me to make any discrimia
ton"
Young man escorted a young lady to
the opera one evening. As they were
coming out he remarked, by way of open
ing a conversation. "Do you like the
weather so cold and raw" She must
have misunderstood him. eyes," she said,
'I like 'em raw; but" she continued,
looking sweetly into his eyes, don't you
think they are great deal nicer fried?''
They took 'em fried.
Omaha Mani can't understand why a
man as sensible as you always seemed to
be should have opposed the rivers and
harbors bill. Visiting Congressman
Patriotism, my dear sir, patriotism.
"What patriotism can there there be in
leaving our rivers and harbors in their
present semi-navigable condition."
"Can't you see? A foreign man-of-wa
can't get into them now without striking
a Snap'