Morning journal and courier., 1887-05-26
JAPANESE.

It takes three weeks to perform the mar riage ceremony in Japan. Just think of it.
 It must require at least an hour and half at
 that rate for the bridegroom to kiss his moth
 r-in-law.-Newman Independent.
 The Amateurs.-Suburban Roscius-'Ah,
 I saw you were at our 'Theatricals' the other
 night. How did you like my. assumption of
 Hamlet?" Candid Friend-"My dear f'lIar,
 great'st piece of assumption I ever saw inn
 life!"-Punch.
 ''It was terrible" remarked Herr Most to a
 brother nuisance, ito be deprived of my
 liberty and confined behind bars of iron"
 "It might have been worse, John. What if
 those bars of iron had been bars of soap?"
 Herr Most shuddered.
 First lady voter-'tDid you use those bal lots I gave you to vote yesterdaya' Second lady voter-''No, I didn't, Maria, I am ashamed to say. They made such beautiful curl papers, I couldn't bear to waste 'em'- Burlington Free Press.
 Omaha Teacher-tiWhat is the largest city in Illinois?" Bright Pupil (who has careful ly studied his lesson)-"Chicago." Correct Is Chicago the capitol of Illinois9' ''No, | maam. It's the place where folks have to pay 50 cents to change cars. ."-Omaha World.
 'sI think I saw your husband coming out
 of barroom last evening"" said a lady to a l friend. "What time was it?' "About 8 o'clock" s'I think that you must be mis- | taken. then. I never knew John to leave a | barroom as early as 8 o'clock. ."-Traveler's Magazine.
 s'Mr. Walker" said the clerk, "the twelve cent prints ct the remnant counter are going | fast and are about sold out" f'All right, | I'll attend to it. MT. Anawan, cut a lot | more of those seven cent prints into rem ! nants and send them over to the bargain counter. r."-Burdette.
 1 ''My dear" said her lover, 'I am fired with an ambition to win your hand. May consult your father" "Yes," she softly murmured. An hour later he was again l s'ired"-but it was not with an ambition to win her hand this time. There was more | foot than hand about it.-Drake's Magazine. 1 Excited Wife-stOh! John! John! Quick! | Stop fumbling behind that bureau and run l for a doctor." Half-dressed Husband | "What's the matter with you, anyhows' "Baby has swallowed your collar button. J l "How on earth do you expect me to get ready to go for doctor without that collar button?"-Omaha World. l ssHas my wife been herea" asked nervous
 man of clerk 1n Harlem dry goods store. ssTall woman?" ssYes' ssRed hair?' 'FYes J 1 ssCross-eyed?' ''Yes." ''Bonnet on side
 waysa" ''Yes" Bought ten yards of silk
 dress goods and paid cash for "Did that woman do this?n 'sYes.' "Well, don't 1 think it could be Maria" and out he went.- l Tid-Bits.
 New Defnitiens.-Beauty-A chimera; a | personal quality or charm resulting from the 1 use of toilet soap. Happiness-the conscious
 ness of exciting envy in the minds of others. | Recreation-An exhausting form of labor and
 exemption from rest; an attempt at physical ] improvement or relief from mental vacuity, ending in melancholia or bankruptcy. In- | sanity-A condition of self-abandonment | preceding an act of crime.-Life. | She glanced at the ring on her finger | A diamond which he had placed there ! The stone shone true | As her fair eyes of blue, And the gold was match to her hair. | She smiled at the thought Its radiance brought, And whispered in sweet accents low, 'sOh, thank you dear Fred 'Tis lovely," she said; Much nicer than Tom gave, you know" l -HarperS RaZar