The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-10-08

homely charms abashed-a fairy in form, a sylph in movement, a heavens masterpiece of loveliness, an enchant- ress, surpassihg in resistless fascina- tions all the man-crazers and heart smashers of song and story, from Trojan Helen, and the "star-eyed sor- ceress of the Nile," for whom love- mad Antony threw the scepter of the world away, to Minnehaha, Hattie Ould and Nellie Hazeltine.
 It grieves me to inject one harsh, discordant note into this grand har- mony of gush. hate to figure as the solitary croaking raven in this aviary of mellifluous warblers. can imagine no sadder fate than to be sent sounding down the melancholy ages, like the voice of Tory John Hook, hoarsely bawling, Beef! Beef" amid the roar of artillery, the roll of drums, the blare of trumpets, and all the glad peans of patriot jubilation over the surrender of Cornwallis and the birth of the American Republic the one ill-omened coyote yelp in a newborn nations hallelujah-anthem of triumph. I always pitied that prophet of Israel, whose hard mission it was lever to prophecy evil, and never good," to his sovereign It is never pleasant to be disagreeable. Nothing but stern, memorable sense of duty could induce me to whisper, even to deaf mute, that all these Saratogan glory tales are to be taken cum sdcko salts-not with a grain, but whole sack, of saline dubiety. The truth must be told in this country, once in a great while, to keep people from forgetting how it looks, and failing to recognize it when they pass it on the road. Ninety-n hundredths, and ninety mine hun dredths of the other one- -hundredth, of the segorgeous epics of Saratogan splendor and luxury, elegance, bril- liancy, beauty, style, grace and en- chantment are the widest and emptiest bosh, humbug, rot-as un- real as the baseless fabrics of hash eesh-eater's dreams.
 I have stopped for years at the Grand Union hotel. It is one of the five or six huge taverns belonging to the Stewart estate, and controlled by Judge Hilton, including the Windsor here, and the Metropolitan, Park Avenue and Colonnade in New York City. The Grand Union is the big gest and most famous of all Sar- atoga's mammoth caravansaries. It has, for weeks at time this sea- son, had from l,500 to 1000 guests under it's roof It is built like an Oriental or Mexican house, ill hollow square, including a pretty little two- acre park or court, with shade trees, velvcty lawns, flower beds and foun- tains. Broad verandas extend along its entire front and around three of the inner sides about the court or gar den. The rooms generally arc not superior to those of the average pro- vincial two or three- a-day house. Room 1913, for which I pay five dollars day, is about fourteen feet square, with bare, whitewashed walls, unrelieved by picture, print or chromo. A few small spiders have done what they could to hide the des- olate nakedness by weaving webs in the upper corners next the ceiling A cheap imitation brussels carpet covers the floor. The furniture comprises bedstead, bureau, washstand, a shaky-leggcd table, and two chairs, all the commonest possible dyed wooden affairs. The bureau is capped with thin tombstone, and the looking glass has twist in it that throws one side of fellows face six inches higher than the other and yanks his nose round where his ear ought to be. A single gas-jet stuck in the wall SUD- plies the illuminational brilliancy. There is no mosquito bar on the bed, so spend half-hour or more every night before I say my prayers, with a towel used whip-cracker fashion, slaughtering the long billed buzzers that swarm on ceiling and walls. It is good exercise, cultivating both mus cle and vigorous English, and then it enlivens the ghastliness of the white wash with some dashes ot color.
 The great features of the establish ment are the parlor and dining room. The parlor is vast and gaudy. It will hold five or six hundred people in full dress or undress, and their sneering comments on each other neither blow off it's top nor rupture it's sides. It abounds in gliding and gingerbread work, calculated to catch the eye and please the taste of an Apache or a Zulu, a pork lord, a stock robber baron, an oil-well princess, or bonanza queen. The carpets are igh-colored, and the chairs and sofas of sky blue and blood red brocade. The ceiling is covered with rampant looking frescoes of young women in Cape May bathing suits, consisting of thin sash of gauzy cloud, rosy dimple, and devil-may- care smile. The amplitude of their