Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-11-24
SQUIBS.

A new color in ladies' dress goods is
called spanked baby" Il is used III bawl
dl esses.
The fact is so we'll established that
man can be very tall and at the same time
very short, that it is scarcely necessary to
mention it.
The Wabash has withdrawn from the
agreement on passenger business be-
tween Chicago and the Missouri River.
Fifty-seven years ago people were gaz-
ing in wonder on their first gaslight. To
day they are gazing In wonder at their
last gas bill.
Old maidish girls In Kentucky are wear
ing the little corkscrew curls that were
fashionable forty years ago. Same curls,
but not the same girls.
The way to boom a river is to dam i.
and then break the dam. The way to dam
town Is TO boom it and then break the
boom.
Why is it that man who would scorn
to steal even an umbrella will without a
qualm of conscience walk off with the ed
itor's lead-pencil and paralize the power
of the press for fifteen or twenty sui
, phurOus minutes.
II SOOu uldH III NOW DoduiOTQ NdS uo'
so far out of the way when he used to
say in conforonce meoting: Brethren,
we have been mercifully spared in pass
ing through many scenes and unseens."
It is alleged that in ancient Rome if a
man kissed his betrothed, but died before
their marriage, the woman was entitled
present day congratulate themselves that
the old Roman law no longer holds good
Mrs. Curmey-"See my new Winter
wrap? Isn't 1T lovely? A boy brought
it up, but he didn't bring the biIl.'' Mr..
Curmey-"Of course not. A boy couldn't
carry the bill. They will send it up to-
morrow on dray."
AS soon as we get over the rush we are
going to invent big navy gun that will
throw deadly car stoves into the enemy's
vessels. Two grand results will be accom-
plished the enemy will be annihilated in a
particularly melancholy manner and we
shall get rid of the stoves.
Juan has become very economical;
fact he may be called avaricious.
why are you SO economical?" demand
ed his wife.
'For the sake of our Children" he an.
swered.
but we nave no children
"Then, for the sake of-our grand
children"
Little Ralph is very much afraid of
thunder. An unusually loud clap brought
him indoors one day with a very sober
face. On being asked what the matter
was he replied: II don't know, but I
thought heard the sky hreak.''
"Wnat is the price of that tear"
asked of the guileless grocer. "One dol
lar mart, marm," was the response. SIS
that not too steep?" was the next ques-
ton, and the G. replied: "Yes, marin,
that's what they do with It,"
Book Agent (to woman at the door)-|
Do you give any of your time. madam, to
things of literary nature? / have here
Madam-Yes; when anthing of liter
airy nature comes around and wants to
sell me some fool book I kin alters find
time to set the dog on it. Here Tige!
Here Tige!
Better keep your head In the car
continued the conductor on the Lansing
train as he passed through a coach and
saw an old man with his head thrust out
the window.
1t was slowly drawn in and the owner
turned to man on the seat behind and
asked:
"What harm does it do to put my head
out?"
You might knock some of the tele-
graph poles down"
"Oh, that's it? Well, if they are SO
mighty 'fraid of a few old poles I'll Keep
my head in. That's the way on the rail
roads since that new law went into eff
fect.'