Morning journal and courier., 1887-09-23
SNF A ILL.

1T may be small, but pm 1ouser," said the hotel bell boy, as he went the rounds awakening patrons who had left orders to be called early.-Hotel Mail.
 It is about like this-You are nobody un- less you have hay fever, but if you were to have hay fever you would wish you had nev- CT been nybody.-Lowell Citizen. The sophomores of a western college have got themselves into trouble by painting all over the seats devoted to freshmen, "Just for greens. ."-Burlington Free Press. It is all very well to advise people not to build houses on sand, but how can 8 man build house at all unless he has the sands"-Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph. "Abigail" wants te know what is the best way to rid a room of flies. Go into the next room and try to read, Abigail; they'll follow you, every last buzzing, crawling, tickling, beggar of 'em.-Burdette.
 It is whispered that good pastor, wid- over, proposed to young lady short time, ago, but was rejected. His feelings had second severe test when a widow neighbor sent him the following text to preach from: "You ask and receive not, because you ask 8 miss. Cape Ann Advertiser.
 Countryman (to druggist)-I want to buy tooth brush It's suthin' never used, but my old woman allowed that the next time I cum to town I'd better git one.
 Druggist sir. Will one be enoughs
 Countryman-A plenty; there's only two on us in the family.-New York Sun.
 First Omaha Girl" Dear me! the paper says Miss Ramsay, girl of twenty, who goes to Cambridge university, beat all the male students at the recent examinations" Sec ond Omaha Girl-"Well, well! Took all the prizesa" First Omaha Girl-'I suppose so." Second Omaha Girl" Poor grill She must be terribly homely to be so smart. ."-Omaha World
 Parvenu.-(The coming aristocracy of mind )-He-"Charming youth, that young Bellamy; such refined and cultivated intel feet! When you think what he's risen from, poor fellow, it really does him crediti" She -tWhy. were his speople-a-inferiah?" He -ssWell yes His Qrandfather's an Earl, you know, and his unele's a Bishop, and he himself is heir to old baronetcy with eighty thousand a year!"-Punch.
 Wife-What are some of the requirements necessary to make a successful poker player, my dear?
 Husband (thoughtfully)-Well, man must be cool, calculating, crafty, deceitful, selfish, sly, and have touch of meanness to his dis position.
 Wife (shocked)-I shouldn't think you would care to play with such people.
 Husband-Oh, most always win.-Puck.
 s'Do you suspect any of the cleIks?" asked the detective, who had been called in to in- vestigate robbery.
 Decidedly not," replied the merchant. ''The only one who has the handling of the money is above any suspicion. He is such an exemplary young man that he curtails his time for luncheon so as to be able to read the Bible he keeps in his desk"
 stPoint him out to me" cried the detective, rubbing his hands in delight; "he's the very man I want. Judge.
 tTalk about your young Napoleons of finance" remarked Mir. Aptimeas Cauldback of Horseheads, N. Y., "yon'd orter seen me when was down to York" "Make stake on the street4'' inquired neighbor of specu- lative tendencies. 'tBiled if I didn't, Ezry; billed if I didn't. Got my boots shined in front of the Equitable buildin'; boy couldn't change dollar bill. I moseyed in to get it busted, walked right through tn haouse ter Nausea street, skinned raound tn corner ter Broadway street, and then run all tn ways ter tn Gran Central. Jest ketched my train. No flies on me, Ezry."-Tid Bits.