The Dawson journal., 1887-01-27
ABOUT SELECTING WIVES.
A FEW HINTS BY BILL oMr.

oAS wy AZ" ASA VIM
understand how to select a good
cigar or good wife, and I must say
that there are very few women
who understand it either. I
would advise all young men who
wish to select wife, to get one
with $4,000 bank account; if
she hasn't this bank account, you
would do we'll not to select. I
have seen men select wives who
did not have the necessary here
after, and invariably died poor
and filled an untimely and six
foot grave.
It would - well for the, young
man wh0 wishes to rush headlong
into the matrimonial hence to ex-
anime his intended's teeth and see
if she is old enough to know the
difference between beer and polo
naris. It is of great Importance
to notice the teeth. If you find
teeth decayed she has Tolu Gum,
then shun her as you would the
deadly cucumber.
When you wish to select COW
you look to see first how mild
tempered she is. This tempera-
ment is always worn dect llette
with cows with grey eyes, but do
not monkey with the girl who
wears grey eyes.
/ have seen large grey eyed
girls aho had a temper equal to
that of q mess-back razor. / have
also seen them bang the piano
while their devoted mothers
would be welding the dashboard.
Some select wife by their big
feet and winning ways, but this
plan will not do to tie to, and you
need not lose any sleep about the
girl with the big feet and win
ming ways. They generally can
not bake a cake OF bread fit for a
tramp to eat, and their shoe bills
amount to S472.29 a year, and the
first time you stayed up town
with the boys at night, her win
ming ways would he a thing of the
past and she would meet you at
the door with o 16-yard mother
hubbard and a piece of last years
broom which would circle around
your devoted head like unto the
festive mosquito.
Do net select your neighbours
wife. I have seen much wood
shed, bloodshsd and strife caused
by selecting another mans wife.
Men who move in the best society
and borrow money at 10 per cent.
never do this. Some men though
take delight in selecting anoth-
ar mans wife, while others who
are drawer take ten buckshot and
q 6-foot hole in the ground.
Don't monkey with widow. I
have seem widows two weeks be-
fore their second marriage, that
would be as sweet as a pair of
black kittens or box of home
made axle grease, and before the
syrup-moon would be over you
could hear her three blocks away
using snuff and other bad Ian
guaCe at her husband-in-law, and
she takes a fiendish delight in
telling you that her poor dead
husband did not treat her half as
bad as you; and some how or
other you will guess at the cause
of his death and know that even
in death he is at rest.
Never marry girl that thinks
she can paint. Some few men do,
and when they come home at
night full of happiness and beer
aud take a seat on the easel and
have a landscape copied on the
seat of their breechaloonities, a
wall Of despair will rise from the
poor young wife that could be
heard clean or unclean to Chica-
90 on still night in Literary
Life"
Some men marry without ever
meeting their wives. They prob
ably think there Wi. be plenty Of
meetings after they MARY, and
they are generally correct in their
surmises.
A friend Of mine, NOW learning
the shoe trade in Sing-Sing, mar
ried a sixteen-year-old girl, and
she ran away and married her