davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1887-07-14
SUFFERING MARTYRDoM.
A Northern Drummer's Experience I'm
Tonaorlal Parior Down South.


Tonsoriai Parior Down South.
i "Do you call this a barber shop?"
asked drummer, stopping in front OF
shanty in a Southern village.
'Dat's whut it is, sab; come in, " re.
piled Il fat negro, putting aside tin
pan full of turnip green's. and getting
up from box. .s
"Where's your chair?' the drummer
asked, when he had entered.
"Dar tbs, sab. - pointing to a bench
with a clap-board back. 81 amt fixed
up heah like da tells me de BARRIERS is in
de big towns. but, sab, wen it comes
ter de transackshun o. snatching de
whiskers offun er mans face, wy dar
amt many folks, black nur white, dat
ken lay ober me. etright down dar."
he continued. as he began. to wipe his
greasy hands on a back number of the
county paper.
"What have you got in that oyster
camp
''Saft soap, sab. Wen it come ter
maxim lather, dar amt muffin dat fits
de eppymology o. de ercasion like saft
soap"
"Hold on; don't you use brushP"
"Whut, use er bresh with saft soapp
0, no sah; never hearn tell o. sich er
plenerpertenchery ez dat. Makes de
lather in mer hans an put it on dis
way. Git it in yer mouf? Yer mus
skuz me, sab. Now, Wen git down de
ole maskus blade an 60 to work"
''Great Casar!" exclaimed the Gus
toner. ''Sharpen that thing. 1t pulls
like pair of pinchers. /"
'.Huh! is it come ter pass dat mer ole
maskus blade is deceibin' mep''
"It is not deceiving me, Iassure you. !"
"Al right. sab; I'll hit it er few
licks.'
He struck the razor a few times on
an old boot, felt of the edge with his
thumb, made another attack and then
said:
ADO she glide ober de ramifcations
an Heterogeneous putty smooth now,
sahP''
Hold on; you are numbering me"
won't do to quit now. sah.''
''Well, strike it few more times on
that old boot"
"Any thing to 'blige yer, sab. Allus
makes it er pint ter satisfy my custom
ers.
.'Then you ought to administer chlo-
roform." :"
''Lemme see; b'lebe some udder gen.
erman suggested suthin' like dat de I'D
der day. Pull now. sahp''
Pull! Wy, confound you. it tears. y
"Wall, we'se mos through, now.
Jis' keep yer mine ON suthin' pleasant
an We'll be all right arter while. How
| is de political walmi-mixtures in de cir
cumfex localities in which yerse'f hah
lately been prostrated?"
Hold on, let me get up"
'.Tse through, now. Jes' lemme wipe
of yer face, sab"
That's unnecessary, as you have
| already cut it off. just look how I'm
bleeding"
'Bleedin'! Wy. dis little blood ain't
muffin. sab. Oughter seed er w'ite
man dat wuz in heah yistiday. Wy.
dat generman bled like er haug. Twen.
ty-f' cents, eff yer please. Thankee,
sab. Call ergin. ."-Arka'asaU Traveller.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1887-07-14
/. WHAT HE COULD RAISE.
A Crop That Never Fails Upon tho ston,
Farms Of New Hampslisre.

A Crop That Never Fails Upon the Stony
Farms Of New Hampshire.
.'The God who made New Hamp-
shire" Ito quote Emerson) can hardly
have intended it for farming country;
and yet. while so much newspaper wit
is expended upon the stony pastures of
the Granite State, it is well to remember
that good many men have been raised
upon them.
A farmer living in New Hampshire
was visited by friend of his boyhood
who had fine wheat farm in California.
The visitor eyed the scanty products of
his friends farm with dismay, almost
fearing that his visit of few days
would eat up all the profits of the year.
Finally, he demanded. sternly; "Jim,
do you call this seven-by-nine patch Of
stone farmP"
Yeas; thar's my turnips!''
.Turnips! They haint enough turnips
thar ter feed dyin' lamb. And what's
that patch over tharp''
.Pa'snips.''
Hump! Pa'snips! An this?''
..Potatus" Qaconically).
''Neow, Jim, I'd jest ike.to have you
tell me what your farm kin raiseP''
"You want ter knowP"
"Yes" (fefvently).
"W-a-a-l jist this: kin raise the
biggest lot of dust on er windy day Of
any farm east or west. Side from that,
faint much fur proiuce!' Youth's
Companion.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1887-07-14
KING AND QUEEN.

-. .re nv Queen" the lover said,
,s..nder accents, low and sweet:
"a ~ them he bowed his manly head,
A1u "a AIN EneIt down gently at her feet.
.u,... ~ NV King" heard her say,
'sasv 49, TX rreirii forever In my heart;
:. i ~ meet that you should play
ne isvuing courtier's humble part
.-shsrd IN hand across the years,
- F.sv ,ourneyed on through changeless sprfus
md o i've was never lost IN tears ST.
nas -jamss Chester RockacetI, in Ctssrsnt
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1887-07-14
-Eittle girl has inst returnetl fro

Little girl has just returned from
market. Mother-"Well, Mary Ann,
didn't the butcher have pigs feetp"
Mary Ann-ssO, mamma! / went and
looked. but I could not see whether ne
had pigs feet or not. for he had his
boots on.-Harper's Bazar.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1887-07-14
-Inhabitants of Northern Idaho an,

Inhabitants of Northern Idaho are
complaining of the tricks intrade of the
Chinese. 1t is said that they mix gold
dust worth eight dollars an ounce with
that worth sixteen dollars, and dispose
of it at the maximum figure. Beside
this. they fail to burn their fine dust
sufficiently, thereby retaining much
quicksilver. and also file up silver
dollars and mix the filings with the gold.
The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1887-07-14

"A clergyman. being busy, said to
his little son: Freddie, you trouble
me this afternoon; You seem like moth
ing but collection of perversities.
aWell, papa" replied Fred, who had
been trying TO climb up on the paternal
knee, ..well, papa, don't you always
take up collectionp Take me mp. ~
Watchnaz.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-01-28
Starvation in Egypt.

A fellOw-mania makes us wOndrOus
kind, and the chief creditor of the castle
building crank of Hohensch wangau now
turns out to be the castle-building ex
khedive. During the fourteen years Of
his administration the viceroy of Egypt
built away some 200, O1O 600 francs, wrung
from the life blood of starving toilers.
Nine-tenths of the population of Egypt
are, in the most liberal sense, subsisting
upon the bare necessities of the vital pro
cess; a little rice, little durrha corn,
baked into hard cakes, and washed down
with a draught of ditch water Professor
ExIinger on his recent survey of The
bald, was for miles followed by a barefoot
boy, who every now and then approached
the wagon and watched the workings of
the instrument with haggard eyes.
Ascribing his persistence to an impulse
Of scientific curiosity, the professor asked
his dragOman to hand him a telescope and
invite him to take a peep at the distant
mountains. He's after something else,
| guess" laughed the interpreter, and a
short conversation sufflced to confirm
that theory. There is some corn split in
your wagon" said the dragoman, "and
this youngster asks your permission to
eat handful of it." The corn-hard,
dry maize corn-was swiftly absorbed by
the youthful son of the desert, who, with
the same promptitude, devoured quart
of dried fruit and a lot of fluid butter, but
took to bis heels like deer when the
dragoman handed him a paper full of
mustard pickles and yelled at him for
dropping them after the first bite.-Dr
Felix l.. Oswald.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-01-28
Views of the City.

A standard business in every large city
now is the sale of Photographic albums of
the principal buildings, parks and public
resorts of the city. For many years this
business was confined to European cities.
Gradually the album came in vogue in
New York, and Washington city; but now
the perfection to which photo-lithographs
have been reduced makes their publica-
ton a matter of sAch slight cost, that
every city has its publications of views,
and few travellers pass through city of
any note without possessing themselves of
one of these cheap and interesting souv-
enirs of the visit. Formerly such an al
bum of St. Louis views as now sells for
80 cents would have been cheap at So
&c. c." in Globe Democrat.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-01-28
Advantage of Color BLINDNESS.

1t might surprise yOu to know that oc-
casionally total color blindness has proven
a decided advantage. All cOlOrs appear
ing to such an one as shades of gray, or
black, or white. An engraver thus af-
fected would possess a keener ability to
discern fine lines A clerk in a mourning
goods department of a large dry goods
store received extra compensation for his
acute eye for shades when it was found to
depend on total color blindness. Such
cases are exceptional as can be imagined
when railroad men are discharged for in
ability to distinguish a red from a green
lantern. POstoffice clerks have run short
in their cash accounts through selling
stamps of the wrong denomination, the
differently cOlored sheets getting into
the wrong drawers. -Lithographer and
Printer
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-01-28
Tic I-IFEs II 90 EEglria.


Little has been done or can be said ii
newspaper columns concerning the life of
newsgirls. For few of them can the same
excuse be offered as for the boys, that it
is the legitimate and only occupation by
which they must earn their bread. 1t is
not believed that there is one of them
who has not home and some person who
should keep her off the streets. Some Of
them, however, are hayward naturally,
or have been made so by evil ASSOCIATE ons
in their extreme youth, while others-and
the greatest number, it is to be feared
are knowingly sent out to the life Of de-
mOraliZation and vice that is inevitable
by the very persons who should most
carefully have guarded them from such
fate There are, of course, some few ex-
ception in the cases of girls who go out to
sell papers with their mothers who have
established stands, and though forced by
poverty to employ their children's aid in
the battle of life, strive in so doing to
shield them from evil by keeping them as
closely as possible to the maternal apron
strings Even then, it is rare that their
daughters escape contamination from the
thoroughly corrupt girls of their own age
with whom they are brought in contact
daily
The great body of the newsgirls run
nIng Wlld on the street nave acquired d
knowledge of and proficiency in vice be-
fore they have grown old enough to rec
Ognize its degradation and the inevitable
ruinous consequences. The older ones
educate the younger in vice; the youngest
strive to emulate in all of which they
should be innocent. large proportion
Of them are Italians, and many are very
pretty while they are very young. In fact,
a newsgirl has little nope of success if she
is not pretty and soon finds herself forced
OCT of competition to other walks in life
where good looks are not so essential
New York Sun
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-01-28
Failure of the monograph.

Photographs have never become more
than toy, although great things were
predicted of it. Edison did nothing more
with it and turned his attention to the
more prof table work of perfecting the
system of incandescent lighting that has
since been such a success The trouble
with the monograph. was that the tin
foil was not soft enough TO take the i'm
preston of the sound waves deep enough
to make the machinery talk loudly when
its time came to talk. In fact the phono-
graph was very good listener, but poor
repeater of conversations. What a pity
it is that humanity is not built more on
the basis of the phonogr - h.-Detroit Free
Press.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-01-28

Vermont proposes to establish a state
institution for the crimtnally insane
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-01-28
cv..s~ests by Cold-Land Nations.

The learned editor of The Progreso pre-
diets that if the United States of South
America" should ever become a fact the
consolidation will be effected by north
ward conquest under the hegemony of
Chill or the Argentine Pepublic. 1.-THE
political history of mankind" says he, lis
nothing but record of conquests by cold
land nations (naciones terra fria) of their
warm-land neighbors. North of the equa-
tor Norsemen bully the children OF the
sunny south south of the equator the
DULLES of Chill knock down the children
of the sunny north. 1t is a law of nature,
Just as much as the repression of equa-
torial by polar air-currents. Rome would
have beaten Carthage with or without the
Scipios. The Gothic giants would have
smashed the civilization of Rome with or
without an Alaric. Cyrus, Alexander,
King Frederick, Ulysses Grant and the
Gillian brigadiers were but the mediatOrs
of inevitable events. From both poles the
marcn of conquest moves toward the
eQuator-Dr. Felix L. Oswald.
Vermont proposes to establish a state
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-01-28
Wages of an Orcanist.

The Boston Post says that a salary of
$3.50 year is deemed an ample return in
one OF the richest churches in Boston for
the services of an Organist of the very
first grade. 1t also says that recently one
of the foremost organists in America was
offered 5000 year to play the organ in a
rich New York church, and he replied
that, while he could earn as much as that
driving street car, he would not degrade
his calling by accepting the offer.-Ex-
change.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-01-28
1.-THE BOMB LANCE.
HOW 1T is 1880 n WHILE HUNT
ING AZ MONTEREY.

A Company of Whale Killers on the Pa
cife COast-ShoOting a Leviathan-An
Exciting Time-A Monster in Agony
Last Shot.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-01-28
nestrnction bx sniders.

DR.. c. Keller, of Zurich, finds reason for
believing that spiders destroy more
aphides and insect enemies of trees than
do all the insect-eaJing birds.-Arkansaw
Traveller
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-01-28

COnfucius declared that a mans char
scter j. tecided not by the number O.
lii.ie- hat hc falls but by the number Of
times mat he hits himself up
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-04-23
Dead-Beats VINO steal Car Rides.

So far as am concerned all the tramps
in Christendom may steal rides, but dead
beats are developing cussedness which /
am in favor of discouraging from the
start. l refer to the growing habit of
pulling the bell cord when they want to
get off between depots, or at depots where
we are not timed to stop. The other night,
rs I was taking the No. Frisco train
south, the bell commenced to ring about
100 yeards outside of Sullivan, where we
were not timed to stop. supposed some
thing was wrong, put on the brakes and
pulled up at the depot. After waiting
about five minutes the conductor came up
and asked me what vas waiting for, and
asked him what he had stopped me for.
We soon found out that four dead-beats
had been riding between the mail and ex-
press cars, and that they had not been
content with stealing their rides, but had
got me OF time as well. / never swore in
my life, but felt as though should like
to Just then--Locomotive Engineer in
Globe-Democrat
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-04-23
Cron Outlook in Fill.

Suva correspondent, March 23d,
writes of the crop outlook in Fiji as fol-
lows: con the sugar estates, planting
operations have been pushed forward
vigorously, and there certainly has been
no lack of moisture to start the cane
stools fairly. 1t does not seem to have
ceased raining since the incoming OF
the year. According to the meteorologl-
cal record there have only been is dry
DAYS in the last AZ months. In Febru-
ary rain fell on every day except one,
and for March so far there has not been
a single day on which rain has not
fallen Latterly the rainfall has not
been specially heavy, except in one or
two localities; but it has been specially
continuous, and it would seem as though
that venerable old party, Aquarius, had
cracked his pitcher and established a
permanent leak. Mud to the eyes has
been the prevailing condition OF exist
ence in Suva, and elsewhere it has only
been difference in degree. Trade has
been very still, nothing doing and nc
produce coming in, for though the copra
promise is an excellent one, it will not
commence to realize till towards the end
of the year." l.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-04-23
The X aImliIOa.

At 80 a. m. yesterday, the Kaimiloa
was officially placed in commission by
her commander in the presence of such
of her officers and crew who have joined.
Captain Jackson's commission was read
from the quarterback, as was also his
appointment as captain. Mr.. j. S. Webb,
Paymaster of the Navy, at Captain Jack
sons request, read the latter document.
Captain Jackson then declared the
Kaimiloa in commission as a vessel OF
war for His Majesty King Kalakaua,
whilst the pendant and battery flags
fluttered for the first time to the breeze.
The printed Naval Discipline Regulations
were then produced and her officers and
crew duly Notified to act accordingly.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-04-23
COnteunpt of Court.

The Minister of the Interior yester-
day, by Ashford & Ashford, attorneys,
served summons upon Robt. j. Creigh-
ton, managing editor of the P. G. AID
yERTIsER, commanding him to appear
on Wednesday, April 9th, and answer
for contempt of Court. The contempt
consists in publishing an abstract of the
petition for an injunction against Mr..
Aholo, in his official capacity, to restrain
him from selling certain lands on the
island of Hawaii specified in such petit
ton. The petition is on file in the Su-
preIne Court. The summons would be
published in this place were it not that
such publication might subject the
responsible editor to another charge of
contempt of Court.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-04-23
Once Again Reading Tennvson.

Found between the leaves of borrowed
book what are you reading, dearest?n
And he takes the fair face in his hands
and raises the ripe lips till they touch his
own, bent down TO seek them "a Legend
of Fair Women" she answers when she
gets her breath. "Tennyson, chr All.
Vanityl reading about yourself"
1t is year later. They are married
The hour grows late. He is not there
Once again TennysOn is on her lap and
she is reading. He enters. "HaIlol Not
gone to bed yeti What have you got
there9" "a Deserted House." she says
mournfully. And he asks no more. New
York Graphic.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-04-23

1t is said that Maj. Ben: Perley Poore,
the Washington correspondent, delights In
the use of the words of that dreadful Old
man in David Copperfell who repeated
over and over, "Oh, my eyes and hmbsY
Oh, my lungs and hverl Oh, goroo, goroo!'
The other day the playful major saw
friend walking in front of him, so he stole
I'D quietly behind, jammed the friends hat
down over his eyes, grabbed him by the
throat and the hair, and shouted in his
deepest tones. ''Oh, my heart on fire? Oh,
my eyes and limbs! Oh, my lungs and
IverI Oh, goroo, goroor' By this time
the victim managed to get away, and turned
a ia . full of wrath and terror on the tickIed
Joker. 1t was face Maj. Poore had never
seen in his life, and the owner had never
seen Maj. Poore, who ma lie the best apollo
gies possible, and left the stranger rumlnat-
ing upon the strang, characters one meets.
New York Sun.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-04-23
The DomInIs reception.

The fiftieth anniversary of the land
ing of Mrs. Mary Dominis in these
Islands will be celebrated to-day at her
residence, Washington place, Beretania
street. The Royal Hawaiian Band will
serenade the venerable lady at $50
o'clock this morning, and reception
will be held in the afternoon between
the hours of 2 80 and 5 80 o'clock, dur
ing which time the Royal Hawaiia n
Band will play.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-04-23
TO-night's Performance.

A large number of seats have been
sold for the performance of tableaux and
the farce "On his last Legs" at the Ha-
waiian Opera House this evening, for the
benefit of the British Benevolent So
ciety. The tableaux will be entirely
new, and there will also be burlesque
on the ''Magic Mirror" The object is
such worthy one that a crowded au-
dience will no doubt be in attendance.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-04-23
domestic Produce Receipts.

Following are the receipts of domestic
produce for the week ending Fri
day, April 22d: 1892 bags sugar
1855 bags rice, 800 bags taro, 22O bags
rice bran, 36 bags coffee, 80 bags ava,
81 bags potatoes, 1000 watermelons, 81
bags corn, 754 skins and 267 hides.
Following are the exports to San Fran.
cisco for the same period: 1888 bags
sugar, 1887 bags rice, and 25 barrels
molasses, valued at $137 1888 81.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-04-23
sale of Horses.

At noon to-day, Mr.. Lewis J. Levey
will sell by order of Mr.. Maertens,
assignee of the bankrupt estate of @. T.
Akana, ten very superior saddle horses
which belong TO the said estate. They
are in fine condition.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-04-23
Ambulance Wagon.

The Hawaiian Carriage Company has
just completed a combination hearse
and ambulance wagon for the leper set
Element on Molokai. It has four wheels
and is very low, and can be drawn
either by hand or by horses. 1t will
serve double purpose-for carrying
the sick around or for conveying coffin
to its final resting place.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-04-23
blue Ribbop Entertainments.

There will be meeting of the Blue
Ribbon League at the Y. M. G. A. Hall
this evening at 7:3O o'clock. The fol-
lowing programme will he given.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-04-23

His Honor informed the jury that their
attendance would not be required to-day
nor on Monday. except such as should be
notified, as a mixed jury case would be on
that day, requiring only six of the foreign
jurors. Turning to Major Hills, the fore
man, he excused him for the remainder of
the term, taking occasion to compliment
him for his faithful attendance to duty
hitherto. He was excused as the senior
member of the panel and in view of SER
vices already rendered.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-04-23

The new rule with diners out is to
drink but one wine-champagn or claret.
The result is fewer headaches.