Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1887-06-03
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.

COlOred base Dali CLUBS are Une lateSU
They don't sunburn.
Secretary Garland doesn't want the
vacancy on the Supreme bench He pre-
fers an easy chair in the Cabinet.
The season for getting drowned while
bathing is almost here. Meanwhile the
cucumber has the floor.
Sixty thousand carloads of dust were
collected by the street-sweepers in New
York few days ago. For once Wall
street was nowhere.
Before the game the pitcher of the Yale
nine is only Stagg. After the game he is
Stagger
The man who swore off from borrowing
umbrellas or money, from painting the
town red, and from reading papers for
which he has not subscribed or paid, has
succumbed to the nsidious influences of
time. He is now worse than ever.
The first time bag pipe was ever heard
in Western town the citizens arrested
the man for cruelty to animals.
An exchange has an article on "a Sooth-
ing Punch" John l.. Sullivan's atten-
ton should be called Dit We are afraid
he doesn't understand the act.
The older poets used to write about
Loves Halo" In this telephone age
the dapper rhymester gets off grinds on
"Loves Hello"
Egbert Lyon has taught yoke of steers
to kneel and walk on their knees, sit
down from a standing position, sit up
from position of lying down, walk up a
bridge into the cart and return, put their
| forward feet on turning table and walk
around on their hind feet, see-saw on a
plank, stand on three legs, jump over one
another and walk under each other.
Meanwhile the spring blowing has gone
to the dogs, and Egbert will have to kill
his steers in order to get something to
eat.
If Buffalo Bill should be knighted be
fore he leaves England-as seems quite
probable-there will be second hand
Hon. for sale dirt cheap.
Alonzo Cation has been arrested in Lans-
ing, n. Y, charged with disturbing Sal
walton Army services. We don't see how
he could disturb them, very much, unless
he set off powder magazine or jumped
on the keys of a steam callioue.
Comrades" shouted an orator at late
hour of a regimentalireunion, "let us be
true, let us be faithful, and above all let
us be upright" Then he slid under the
table.
A suburban subscriber desires to know
if there is any way to keep hen from set
ting. Yes hire man and dog to keep
her moving.
The Empress of Russia is said to be ex-
travagantly fond of pie. She often dreams
that dynamite bomb comes and sits upon
her breast.
A man in New York stepped out of an
old building to get drink of beer, and
while he was gone the building fell down.
If it had been Sunday he would have been
killed sure.
Bigsby: Don't you think that Blobson
has remarkably full, pleasant voice ?"
Popinjay: "Well, don't know. His
voice often sounds to me full"
In Turkestan every wedding engage
ment begins with the payment of a sub
stantial consideration to the girls parents
1t is considered lucky thing in Turkes-
tan to have large family of good looking
daughters.
A crank in Washington thinks that
President Cleveland is full blooded and
needs bleeding. Don't you worry. The
Adirondack mosquitoes will attend to that,
cable correspondent says: after the
queen and the prince and princess of
Wales had taken tea at the Mansion
House on Saturday, two gold teaspoons
were missed" AS the Prince of Wales
went to bed with his boots on that night
suspicion was very strongly directed to-
ward him.
a Connecticut family were much fright
ened the other night by horse which got
into the house while they were asleep. A
kind of night mare, as it were.-N. Y.
| Commercial AdUertiSer.
Buffalo has decided to prohibit all vocal
and instrumental music in it's saloons.
ing for cries of murder that the mayor
felt obliged to take action in the NATTER
Detroit Free Press.
Mamma" said little -year-old
girl, pointing to a turkey gobbler strolling
around a neighbours yard, "ain't that red
nosed chicken got an awful big hustle p"
DWight Wasp.
"Going aboard this steamer sir ?' asked
the captain of q gentleman who was sur
'SyihS tHC DOdI BIC was MAKING ready
to leave the wharf in Buffalo.
THAT depends captain, what is your
boat insured for"
Sixty thousand dollars, sir ?"
"Ah Sixty thousand, and she's worth
about $4,000. Captain, you needn't wait
on my account. Pll take the railroad. ="
Wall Street NelUS.
1t is only another illustration of the law
of compensation that women advanced in
views are apt to be behind in the fashions
journal of Education.
A popular writer, who sometimes had
bad spell" wrote the name of the il
lustrious author of "Pilgrims Progress"
as John Bunion." His publisher sug-
gested that it be put in a footnote. Liuing
ChUrch.
81 tell you it's all nonsense" said the
editor, after selling six sacks of declined
| mn Ii,