The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-10-13
W.T. AND HUMOR.

/ Gdlleu olSitCShldAs
but good deal of it is picked before
it's ripe.-Pttek.
When the millennium comes along
Wall street brokers will be found
working it for stock movement
Baltimore american.
The chinch bug eats the farmers
grain, the bee moth spoils his honey,
the bed bug fills him full of pain, the
humbug scoops his money.-FEceontd
| (IeT.) argus.
A milk trust" company has been
organized in Chicago, to include all
the milk producers. The distrust COM
pany will include the consumers, as
formerly.-San Francisco Post.
An Omaha real estate man was at
tackled by three footpads the other
night. He killed one and forced the
other two to buy thirty days option
on town lots.-Peoria Transcript.
Caller-Were you about to go out,
Mrs. Perkins? Mrs. Perkins-Yes,
but don't let that hurry you away.
Caller-O, it isn't of che slightest con-
sequence. I'll leave my card.-IEd-
| BITS.
Most of our emigrants could come
in free of duty as raw material for
| building political parties. The fellow
that knows something is what the
politicians don't want.-DaIItth Para
graDher.
1t is thought at Newport that if the
| Duke of Marlborough isn't admitted
to the celestial mansions they will be
| II that r.-1p't ha n
while for anybody else to occupy them.
-Judge.
Yes" said a convalescent and
| classic patient, ''even the Greeks suf-
| fered with the i'll lad" Possibly"
remarked the doctor, ''as your COM
| plant was rather odd-I-see. '-D4tutis
Para9rapher.
An exchange speaks of ''the ideal
grumbler." He is not likely to be-
come as popular as the ideal s'growl-
er." The latter, we've been told, holds
about quart. The ideal grumbler
! may hold more.-NorriSt0Wn Herald.
Young Mr.. Sissy (to his pretty
cousin) Jaw, tell my barber, you
know, never to shave up, always to
| shave down." Pretty cousin-'I fail
to see how he could shave anything
else but down, Charley. "-Neo0 York
| Sun.
The novel-writers are fond of quot
ing the determination of their heroine
to sell her life as dearly as possible.
| They probably would have US to I'M
| derstand that she intends to marry
an old man for his money.-BoStOn
transcript.
We observe by the fashion maya
| zines that the fall styles of hats for
ladies will be two stories high with a
cupola and a sombrero brim. The
| hats will be especially noticeable at
| churches and theaters. Nothing else
will.-MinneapotiS Tribune.
Quite a slice of the surplus might be
| used in buying new fall bonnets for
| all the ladies of every Territory adj
| mitted to the Union. The children of
mothers coming into the Union in a
new bonnet would always be loyal
| Louisville COurier-JOtrnGI.
There is trouble in the st. Louis
| gas works because the company is try
ing to dock the men who are laid off
when the moon shines in lieu of the
gas lamps. The logical remedy for
| this outrage would be to boycott the
| moon.-Nee0 Orleans Picayufae.
Husband Getting ready for the
opera? Wife-Yes, dear. H-D'ye
know why woman getting ready for
the opera reminds me of an unplucked
fowl? W.-Not knowing, can't say.
H.-Because she has to be undressed
to be dressed.-B Courier.
Probably there isn't an older phrase
in the English language than the
words: Il love you'll! and yet the most
tiippant young man doesn't even think
| of saying "Chestnutsw when some
sweet girl whispers it softly into his
coat coIlar.-JournaI Of Education.
The late DIR. Bethune once asked
| morose and misery man how he was
| getting along. The man replied:
What business is that of yours?"
Said the doctor: 80, sir, / am one
| of those who take an interest in even
the meanest of Gods creatures. THE
| Epoch.
The New Hampshire lawmakers,
like those in Massachusetts, refused to
give municipal suffrage to women, but
they also have just taken good care 20
protect milk cans. Reason why:
The owners of milk cans have votes;
women have none.-B0Ston Woman's
| Journal.
The evidences of a divine adjust
| ment of terrestrial affairs steadily ac-
cumulate. The harmonious order of
| things challenges the atheists atten-
ton. just now we observe at the
close of the summer vacation come
the autumn leaves.-Duluth Para
grapher.
Say, Watson" said Bagley, 'you
| know jerks. What sort of a fellow
is he? He has owed me bill for over
year. Is he honest?" Yes" said
Watson slowly; "Jenks is honest;
there's no doubt about that; but it takes
him long time to find it out. Jour
nal Of Education.
Gotham doctor-Well, Mr.. Sharp,
how do you feel this morning. Jake
Sharp-Worse, much worse. "The
court has ordered stay of proceed
Ings." "Eh? Say, sneak in pair of
Indian clubs, won't youp | want to
stretch myself. Omaha World.
Some Lincoln gentlemen have dis
agreed as to the relative merits of
their babies, and will submit the mat
ter to arbitration. The umpire of a
base ball game will begin TO think that
he leads secure and peaceful life
when he sees the referee of this baby
show lodging the parents whose babies
get left.-Linc0l'a Journal.
A contemporary asks: did it ever
occur to anybody that if the women of
this country should march en- masse to
the polls to vote no power on earth
could stop them?" Turn cow loose
near those polls and the enfranchised
women would scatter zen masse" No
power on earth could stop the panic.
-Martha's Vineyard Herald.
"Ah, madam" said he, gallantly, 81
knew you must be beautiful even be-
fore I sow Won mbi1a vo,,