The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1887-03-23

BRIC-A-BRAC.
The best skirt-supporter-A woman.
Makes tracks-The railroad builder.

The best skirtsupporter-A woman.
Makes tracks-The railroad builder.
A stirring ~speech-"Pass me q spoon"
Aregular topper is u very irregular citizen.
An unfortunate man says he has one suit
that will last him all winter--a lawsuit.
There are two very loud colors worn by
schoolboys this season, rattan and yeller,
and they usually go together.
A smart young man picked up a flower
in the ballroom after all the girls had gone,
and sang, ""Tis the lost rose of some her"
If conscience is what makes towards of
us all, there ought to be Il great many very
brave men these days.
Young ladies who are anxious TO marry
should bear in mind that n sealed proposal
can be sent 10y mail for two cents.
You can't expect n man to exert much Of
an influence in this world who is too lazy
to exert himself.
"No more personal reilections!' exclaimed
the editor.in,chief, as he threw q crooked
looking-glass out of the office window.
Adversely is sometimes hard upon a man;
but for one man who can stand prosperity
there are a hundred that will stand adver
sity.
"Why do you shiver?" was asked n poor
WV " CIV IN Wv bhii thtN ~
only way | can keep warm, sir" was the
pathetic reply.
California is no longer the favored
ground of the miner The annual value of
the fruit produc. is almost equal to that of
the mines.
When Clara was asked what she would
do if n nice young gentleman should ask
her hand in marriage, she naiycly replied,
Il don't think I'd no."
a German dcrmatologist says badness is
catching. Yes. gentlemen with bald patcs
complain that they catch it from all quar-
tiers.
1t may bc Of interest to know that a
chemist has discovered that fair qualities of
rum and whisky can be made from sorghum
molasscss.
A young lady recently made the ascent
Of Mont Blanc. IL is rumorcd that she
thought her husband was on the top with
another woman.
n young man who left his Charmer's
front gate in n hurried manner and lit away
out in the street asserts that her father was
afflicted with palpitation of the feet.
MAMA, what is hush?" "Why, dear,
what makes you ask such q question:
"Causc when l asked sister what made
herdress stick out behind, she said Hush y
The Yankee scamen used TO be the best
in the world. The crews shipped now a
foreign nationality, chiefly Germans and
Swedes.
A Wyoming man recently blew out his
brains because he had the rheumatism. If
he thought that his rheumatism was caused
by too much brains he must have been sad.
ly mistaken.
"a farmers wife wants to know if we
can recommend anything. to destroy the
common grub" We guess the next
tramp that comes along could oblige you, if
the family ca I stand your cooking.
II will harrow up The feelings Of scnti
mental people to learn that the ballad
Comm Thro' the Rye" does not refer to "A
field of grain, blu to Il little stream in Scot
land. There are others who use it to refer
to n mixture of grain and water.
An inquirer asked what he should do
with a horse that was troubled with period.
ical dizziness, and the editor answered in
these words: "Our advice would be to
take the horse some day when he is not
dizzy and sell him to n stranger"
"What comes after T?' asked a teacher
Of a small boy who was learning the alpha.
bet. You do, sir, TO sec Sister Josie. ~
There was an audible litter among the more
w PhBIio, "IIllh Vi tDuISC VAS
quickly suppressed.
There is Il single sentence in the Eng
fish foreign enlistment act which contains
six hundred words" a longer sentence
was that of a New York judge the other
day. In contains twenty years.
4 southern Dakota man recently prom
iscd his dying wife that he would meet her
in heaven. When the fact became known
that the man was an editor, the joke wa
regarded as too good to keep.
The colorcd folks at Washington have re
solved that the Frccdman's Bank swiudlc
was "thc most sinful swindlc that ever
stained earth or shocked high heaven"
This lets the trade dollar out n little.
"Wcll, | swow"' declared Farmer Jones:
these literary chaps nave the durndcst
ideas. Talkin' about the shaddcr Of the
grave! Now who ever heard of hole in
the ground maxim a shaddcr?'
npecIIpr'a n.Iisf