Daily Republican., 1887-07-02
EXamISING A DEAF WITNESS.

Several years ago, while Antrim
County, Michigan, was in a primitive
state OF civilization, a breach of prom
ise suit came before the Circuit Court
OF Elk Rapids. The plaintiff. one
Eliza }. Spooner. alleged that William
Smith had triiied with her young af-
fections seriously much. He had, by
promise to marry. induced her to give
/ up one Samuel Jones, who was also
an admirer OF hers, and who, under
the smart of her refusal, had since
Joined himself in the bonds of holy
matrimony TO Lucy Skinner, and, in
consequence, WAS now out of market,
which the suing party claimed had
blighted her iondest hopes, and cast
about $l25 WORTH OF gloom over her
future.
The plaintiffs principal witness was
I"Uncle" Dave Bag!ey. He WAS over
20, and very deaf. One of his pecu.
liarliies was to always answer a ques
tion,an it made no difference whether
ne understood 1t or not, his reply was
ready.
The lawyer for the defense was q
little, asthmatic, choleric man named
Somers, and this WAS his cross -exami-
nation of Uncle Baeley:
"Mr. Blgley, you have taken q sol.
emn oath to tell the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the truth, You
say that upon certain night you saw
said Eliza j. SpoOner ard William
Smith-thc man now before you--to-
gether. You olso said that they were
seated upon Mr. Spooncr's back porch.
Now you will please name to the Jury
the exact date CT this occurrence"
''Iizzy Jane Spooner was sittin'
On Bill Smiths lap, an he"
"No, no. Hold onl" interrupted
Somers sharply. "Answcr my ques-
tion directly and unequivocally."
'Bill had his arms around her a
huggin' her." pursued the old man
complacently.
The defence glared angrily at the
witness, and then glanced around the
court room. Every one wore look
OF supreme felicity that was not cal
culated TO soothe his ruflled temper.
Turning to the witness again he said
emphatically:
"lou do not seem to catch my
meaning. simply asked the date Of
,hls occurrence"
"Yaas, that's wat l said. Kissed
her iorty-seven times in less'n twenty
minutes, an then-'
Somcrs paved the atmosphere ex-
citedly and howled:
Nv hen did this occurP"
"Oh, WY didn't r. say SO aforc,
young maD?' Then, reflectiyely,
"Wual, boin' IS It Pm under oath /
sh'd pledge u 'tmight ben a lectle
after / o'clock t night"
Tine lawyer nearly choked, but
seeing that he WAS fast losing ground
with the jury, he partially rallied and
said quite slowly:
81 mean the date. What was the
date of this?"
"Oh! | sh'd jedge she sot on his lap
halt an hour, n then they changed
of'n he sot on -"
This was too much. The jurymen
were all conyulsed with laughter. The
judges solemn face widened into
grin. Somers jumped up and began
speaking exciteuly.
Uncle Dave watched him for two or
three minutes, and then, thinking that
he was talking about Miss Spooner, he
squeaked out:
Now you look here, young feller,
don't e never say nothin' agin' Lizy
Jane. Lily James es fine er gal IS
ever trod shoe leather. 'Taint moth.
ing agin her il Bill Smith coddled her
up TO think he'd splice up with her."
But this old man was removed from
the box, and as he walked down the
room he growled out:
'''E young fly trap! E may fool
young gal out en- her teller, hut e. can't
cod an old man like Uncle Dave Bag
ley. No sir-ecv