Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1887-11-30
Anmuruns department.

Anmuruns department.
CUR1os1TIEs OF LAw.-Judge-Stand
Prisoner-I claim the right under the
law to remain seated, y'r honor.
"How s ?"
'sThe law says no man can be made to
criminate himself, and If l stand up I'll
criminate myself"
aThat point is we'll taken and you may
remain seated. You are accused of steal
ing q pair of breeches from this man, but
I can find no evidence against YOU"
"None at all, y'r honor"
.You are discharged"
H'Thank you, y'r honor"
to stand up ?"
a'If I stood up the man would see I had
his breeches on, y'r honor."- Onadh0
World.
VERY NECESSARY PRECAUTIONS
Eastern Fnancier-Yes, sir; the greatest
scheme yet. We are going to organize a
new telegraph w. company OF 1p n.y. IN opposition TO
JAY VOulus okU W J04h
Omaha Capitalist-Jay Gould is going to
Europe, I hear.
"Yes."
"Will he stay there ?" :.
so, no. He'll be back in a few months"
"He will"
"Yes.D
swell, I'll buy stock in your new com,
nanv if you'll agree to take the poles n
wires in at night."-OmahG Wortd.
~"Yes," remarked Dumley, at the
supper table. 81 was a soldier in the late
war, and if I do say it myself, 1 was a good
one" 49,.
Presently Featherly broke the awful 81
~lence: go,
asked.
0N-no, but after the battle Of Bull Run
I was reported among the killed. But the
report was corrected"
hCorrected to among the missing 1 sup
pose" said Featherly, helping himself TO
butter.
COULDN'T ANA Boston young man
was taken out by some Fort Worth gunners
to kill ducks at Hurst's lake. AS a large
flock of canvas backs foated right by him,
and he didn'tshoot, m of the Fort WORTH
ties got excited and yelled:
"Why in thunder didn't you shootT'
HWhy,n answered the Boston man, "eV-
ery time I got my gun leveled at one, four
or five other blame green headed fools
would swim right in between, so l never
could get q good aim at one"
, The party went home.-Isras Colonel'
THE UGLIEsT.-The ugliest man in the
known world is an Eastern Prince. Con
scious of his misfortune, no looking glasses
were hung in his palace. Visiting a neigh
boring Prince, the ugliest OF men was &C.
companied by his Vizier, and the two came
face TO face with a mirror, when DOTH Durst
intotears. "Moderate your grief, my faith
fulfriend, " said the Prince, "you see 1 am
quite resigned"
ooh! It is not that, my noble MASTER"
replied the Vizier. "You have only seen
yourself for a single instant. I have to
look al you every day;"-fsqayo'
A GOOD STORY ABOUT LINCoLN.-Pres-
ident Lincoln said once that the best story
he ever read in the papers of himself was
this: Two Quakeresses were travelling on
the railroad, and were heard discussing
the probable termination of the war. -!
Think said the first, "that Jefferson Will
succeed" "Whydoes thee think SOP" ask
ed the other. Because Jefferson is apray-
ing man." "And sois Abraham a praying
man, objected the second. eyes. blu the
Lord will think Abraham is joking" the
first replied, conclusively.-Boston Budget.
He PROBABLY RECOVERED IT.-Mrs.
Bullion-What was the difficulty, Harold
between YOU and MI. Balderstone? l de-
clare I thought he was going to strike you
at one time.
Mr.. Bullion Qightly)-Nothing serious,
nv dear. We were discussing free trade
and Balderstone completely lost his tenn
per.
= Mrs. Bullion (thankfully)-Lost his tenn
per? How happy his poor wife will be
now.-PhHadephia Call.
8 DIR. J. M. c., before he sat down to a
country dinner, said: ~ am very fond OF
craut. madam" So his plate wa very
bountifully helped. The craut was old,
o slick and bad. The doctor ate a few
bites and stopped. "Why, doctor" said
the good woman, II thought you SAID that
you were very fond of craut?" The doctor
felt he was caught, but extricated himself
by saying: Eyes, madam, I am, but then
it takes very little to do me-"
THE KING HEADED THE LIsT.-The
King of Persia once ordered his viZier to
make out q list of all the fools in his do
minions. He did so, and put his males-
tvs name at the head of them. The king
asked him why, and he Immediately an
swered: because you entrusted a lac or
rupees to men you don't know to buy
horses for you a thousand miles OFT, and
who'll neye come back" cay, but sup
pose thew come back 2" "Then I shall
erase your name and insert theirs"
The HEALTH REsoRTs.-First Doctor
Busy? 90 q
Second Doctor-Yes, almost worked to
death.
$50 am I. It will be two months before
the people returning from their health get
ting trips will quit sending for the doc
tors.o
'That's a fact. If It wasn't for these
health resorts we would have to go out OF
business ."-1sras SJtings.
A LONG LOOK AHEAD.-Young Hus-
bandit does seem to me you might
learn how to cook better than that !; my
mother" Young wife-"There that will
do; I refrain from learning how to cook
on principle" "Oh, you do ; thinking of
me, of course" "No, of my son" "Son?"
eyes, I don't intend he shall ever make
any nice girl miserable Dragging about my
cooking,
A MILD HINT.-They had been sitting
in contemplative silence for a long time,
when William musingly said: Il think,
Naomi, that there is a great deal of wis
dom in that old saying: Silence is gold
en-" 'There may be, but gold is unhan-
dy. I would rather have a BILL" 1t took
him an hour to "catch on" but he finally
offered himself.-Lincom Journal.