The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-06-09
BRIGHT BITS.

Dos'T quarrel, keep cool, be good TO every
body, laugh and grow fat, and you VIII get
through the summer better than TO go y a sum
mer resort.-LGTcdSter Examiner.
TEAcHER-Who was Alexander Selkirk:
Tommy-He was a civil engineer,
Teacher-Civil engineerf
Tommy-Yes, ma am; monarch Of all he sur
veyed.-NetC York sun.
He was Jewel when she married him: six
months later he was her gem" When the
matter came up in the divorce trial. two years
after, she explained that e. G. m stood for
"green-eyed monster. - Washington Critic
THEY sat within the parlor dim:
passed and heard her say 10 him,
Il wish, dear George, that you'd behave
Ii not, wish that you would shave.
-LOtceH Courier.
MAMMA exclaimed a precocious New York
boy. 1.-THE policemen of Boston don't wear
pants"
Gracious" exclaimed the scandalized lady,
you don't tell me-
Its fact" persisted the boy, they wear
trousers."-Life.
A BOY travelling with his father got up in the
night and walked out Of the door Of the sleeping
car, which was going at full speed, and did not
awake until he began turning somerSaults Then
he said: ''All right. pa. I'm getting right up, -
and was fast asleep again when the trackman
found him.-Ou City Blizzard.
MATrER-oFFAcT LADY pointing to art treasurer
That's real cute!
Enthusiast-Yes! its nearly 200 years old.
Matter-offact lady tencourag ingly) -Never
mind, nobody would know if you didn't tell, and
it's real pretty all the same.
Enthusiast Is moved TO tears.-TOlcn Topics.
A MISSIONARY in Africa found a heather tribe
worshipping an Episcopal prayerbook. and was
encouraged to think that his lines had fallen in
pleasant places He wanted to go home when
he learned that the heather had adopted the
book as an idol, on account of its gilded edges,
after eating the missionary who owned it
Norristo1r1, Herald.
YOUNG JAPANESE educating himself in this
country and gradually acquiring the flexible
language which a native begins to learn lust
about the time he dies, was invited to tea with
some friends.
rs your tea all out. Mr. Jinrkasha:' inquired
the hostess. The young man looked into his
empty cup analysed the sentence and replied:
.'Oh, no; it's all in brooklyn Eagle.
POSSIBLE CusToMER---What does a frst-class
funeral cost Mr.. Laymeout?
Mr.. Layneout (undertaker)-Why none of
your family are dead, are they?
Possible CustOner-No, not vet: but the old
lady has bought a kerosene stove, Johnny's got
a new bicycle and my eldest daughter is keeping
company with Ptttsburg dude who carries a
hair-trigger pistol. It's well enough to keep
abreast of the market.-Judqe.
"DoE,r you think observed Richelieu, that
it would be source of improvement 70 have a
friend who would tell us of our faults, and at
the same time allow us to point out his own de-
feetsf
'No, don't" said Araminta decidedly; 81
speak from experience, too, for my best friend
and once tried it.
why, what was wrong about it?"
well, you see. We haven't spoken to each
other for two yearsr'-Detroit Free Press.
ON THE AVENUE; Grigsby and Chaf1iey meet
Grfgsby-Haw, say. don't cher know
Chaffiey (promptlyl-No.
Grigsby (puzzled)-Haw. No what?
Chaffley-I don't know.
Grigsby (bewildered)-H What don't cher
know?
Chaffley-What you were going to say?
Grigsby (confusedl-Oh, / say, don't cher
know, wasn't going to say anything, don't cher
know.
Chafiley-Oh! Then forgive you.
Grigsby retires to the club with a raging head
ache -T'Otcn TONES