Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1887-02-18
A DUDE IN TRAINING.
Trying to ClOthe Himself with Muscle,
Under the BARRIERS Hands.

Trying to CiOthe Himself with Muscle,
Under the BARRIERS Hands.
1t was my privilege the other day to see
a dude, not exactly an naturel, but with
out any of the garnishings that would tone
him up and set off his peculiar points to
their best advantage. II was an awful
sight and it shook my belief in natural
selection and the progress of the race
until the chimneys all tumbled down
and the plastering came off It was in
place where the poor little creatures go
to get themselves improved by gymnastic
exercises and where ] saw all the secrets
of their toilets You needn't ask me how
happened to be there or how managed
to see all did see. Just read and be
grateful.
Well, about the dude. He was develop
ing his form And it needed it. I've
seen girls pad. who looked about as much
like their dressed selves as Thanksgiv-
ing turkey all ready to be carved looks
like the strutting lord of the barnyard
that he once was. But that WAS nothing
to the transformation there had been in
this creature since had seen him coming
down Fifth avenue few minutes before
He had on the usual attire for athletic
exercises and was see saving away at
some kind of an arrangement for develop
ing the muscles of his arms and chest His
poor little lead pencil neck looked as if
sudden Whit of air would snap it in two
and without the support of his big white
collar his ears doomed out like wings
The excuse for clothes that men wear at
that kind of work was supposed to fit him
skin tight, but they hung around him in
such folds and wrinkles, like drapery,
that it relieved all my embarrassment in
looking at him. His arms We're bare, and
they were the thinnest, skinniest, sallow-
est, most worthless looking pair Of arms
that you ever saw Let him tug away
at his best and he couldn't get upa bulge
of the biceps bigger than your thumb
He gave it up after he had pulled and
bobbed around and bulged out his eyes
and got red in the face for about five min
utes.
"Weally. now, you know, I'll have TO
stop. I'm beastly blown"
The attendant suggested that if he
found it TOO difficult perhaps he'd better
not try that form of exercise any more
But he shook his head sadly.
''No, I'll have to keep on, for, WEAKLY,
don't you know. my tailor has TO put so
much padding in my clothes it makes me
tired to carry it. must keep up this
beastly thing"
They wanted him to take cold sponge
bath, but he shook his head in terror and
declared it gave him chill to think Of it,
so they took him away into seclusion 10
| rub him down with almond oil instead,
and proceeded to dress him
Later he went TO a baber who makes
speciality of identifying the swells There
they trimmed his eyelashes, pulled out the
scattering nairs between his eyebrows,
rubbed his face all over with some kind of
a gentle cosmetic, curled his poor little
pretense of mustache with an iron, gave
his head perfumed shampoo, extracted
some hairs that came down too low on
one side Of his forehead, spent an hour
shaping and polishing his finger nails and
when he was finally READY to come out
from their hands what do YOU think they
gave him to take home2 1t was machine
that looked as II it might he first cousin
TO clothes pin, and the fellow was to
wear II on his nose at night He thought
| his nose was too big for the rest of his
face; that if he could only reduce it little
his features would ''weally be quite wegI-
| lab, and Sc he was going to put this cor
set on at night.-Clara Belle in Cincinnati
Ennuirer