davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Delaware gazette and state journal. (Wilmington, Del.) 1883-1902, 1887-05-19

The steamer Benton was run into and
sunk by another vessel, near Malacca, on
the night Of March 29th. OF 200 persons
on board only 50 NE known 10 have been
saved.
Heavy rains fell throughout the Rio
Grande Valley during Saturday night,
and flood was the consequence sun
day. At Laredo a large ferry boat was
aunk and the custom house was washed
away.
convention Of wool growers in 81.
Louis on Friday adopted resolutions
recommending unanimity of action by oil
wool growers, manufacturers and others
interested in the production and sale of
wool to procure the repeal OF the present
tariff laws upon wool and the passage of
a law protecting the American wool
interests.
Delaware gazette and state journal. (Wilmington, Del.) 1883-1902, 1887-05-19

" EilI.Sl lFAVit ntT,N4m.

Ask tgr tough Of Piles, Intaraal aqi Ex
.erHAl i!a nell p slch puekaga Sure cure. 81
Delaware gazette and state journal. (Wilmington, Del.) 1883-1902, 1887-05-19

BuCHu-PAIBA." Quick, complete cure, all
annoying Kidney Diseases, Catarrh OF Bladder.
Delaware gazette and state journal. (Wilmington, Del.) 1883-1902, 1887-05-19

Hoods Sarsaparila ia peculiar TO itself and
superior 10 ali other prepAradpns In strength,
economy al d medicinal merit.
Delaware gazette and state journal. (Wilmington, Del.) 1883-1902, 1887-05-19

Merry little maiden,
Laughing all the day,
Why Is all your life 80 sunny
Many a miser al his money
Gladly 70 the sage would pny
Who could make his heart 80 gay
Merry little maiden,
Laughing all tho day,
suE,
What a iHnny question!
A. If | could tell
Clad and joyous am / ever,
Just because till now never
Iu1ught about the matter. Well
Would you break tho magic spellg
what i funny question
~ q could tell!
i'ost9a Journal of Education.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01
Foolish Betting.

The Parliament OF Dole, in France,
was called upon to decide very Curl
Gus wager in the year 1854. 1t was be-
tween two citizens of Pasmes, one of
whom had agreed, on consideration of
his being paid sum of "a francs, to fur
nish the other with quantity of grains
OF millet, in proportion to the number
OF children that should be born within
a certain extent of country during one
year. He was to hand over one grain
for the first child, two for the second,
four for the third, and so on, always
doubling the number of grains for
each successive birth. The number of
children born within the specified time
was sixty-six, and such an enormous
quantity of grains of millet had to be
supplied to meet the conditions of the
agreement, that the contracting party
demanded the cancelling of the bet,
on the ground that it was founded on
an impossible condition. The Court
agreed at once that it was impossible
for the contract to be carried out, and
decided that the person who had re-
ceived the q francs should repay them
to his opponent, and should give him
an additional sum of "a francs. Surely
this was anything but just Judgment,
for it was impossible that the gamer
could have lost. He had made his cal.
culation and was betting upon the ig.
norance of the loser. 1t WAS therefore
wager based upon bad faith, and
should have been annriled altogether
Chambers Journal.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01

about it. They had me taken up by a
constable for disturbing the peace, and
that's what I'm lawin' about. Tn out
on bail now. It's peculiar case, and
if had mind to take it to the 500
preme Court 1 could knock 'em out on
the question whether man who has
been buried can be legally prosecuted.
You know them spells I have. When
get one I'm liable to be plumb out O
my senses for hours, and I'm little
nervous about 'em sometimes. If any
body tells you it isn't nothing but
whisky, you call him liar, and I'll
back you up. You know I'm not in
temperate and you never saw me take
anything between drinks in your life.
"Mebbe you've noticed that me and
the old woman don't hitch very we'll.
Yes, 1 thought SO. Some folks has a
habit o noticing other folks doin's.
WE'LL it's all OWN to Deacon Slider.
backs taking too goldarned nuch in.
terost in the spiritual welfare of my
family. My old woman's been SC
pious, I've been a little fearsome that
she might get too anxious to have me
!ine the heavenly choir and plant me il
happened to have real bad spell and
not come to as spry as common"
suggested to Uncle Josiah that he
couldn't be buried without q physicians
( certificate that he was dead.
"That's another point" he replied,
'Dr. Pilbolus don't like me enough tc
hurt since put little job on him, and
l Ikinder suspected he'd play practical
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01

Joke on me if he got chance in pro-
fessional way. 1 don't believe the
authorities would want certificate
! anyway if they know Pilbolus had any
thing to do with the case. They'd
sGonsidcr that reasonable ground to sup
pose that the patient was ripe for the
cold and silent tomb If you don't
want to be slammed into q coffin and
sent kiting to glory before your time,
don't you have Pilbolus. He's quack,
sure. I'd been thinking over what
might happen, and ] had talk with
the undertaken who does all my bury
ing, and we fixed the thing up between
us. Had telephone put in the family
sault and all that sort OF thing, you
know. Going to have the whole racket
paten.e ! next week.
"We'l, it seems l got full or had a
spell last Saturday night, and the next
thing knew l woke up in the dark
feeling mighty queer. Smelt like a
tuEeral--tuba r.roscs and dead leaves
and carbolic acid, you know. / thought
: I'd get up and see who was dead, but
4 tho first break / made l bumped my
4 head against something hard. Then
2 felt around aud found / was loxed in,
and concluded it was my own funeral
Se't. SO ! just kicked the lid off, sat
up in the colin, tishad mateh out OF
my vest pocket and took look around.
recognized tx, place by the inscrip-
tons to the memor es Of my first three
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01

wives and maiden aunt, and it made
me feel sort of blue to think how near
l had come to being reunited with the
whole gang at one lick.
You can imagine how man would
feel to find himself slowed away on the
top shelf of tomb in such company
and read his own epitaph on the plate
by the light of brimstone match. I
felt in my coat-tail pocket and found a
flask OF brandy, which showed that the
undertaken was man of his word and
partly restored my confidence in hu-
man nature. Twas powerfully relieved
to find that l was not yet in Heaven
with my sainted late female relatives,
and with devout gratitude emptied
the flask and returned thanks to mer-
ciful Providence, vowing that I would
make total wreck OF that id
Pilbolus as soon as ever 1 should get
out. felt sorry, though, that 1 hadn't
told the undertaken to fill in the chinks
between my remains and the colin with
sandwiches. Then I climbed down,
after ripping the coffin plate of and
putting it in my pocket as evidence. I
noticed that was in my stocking feet,
and that the old woman had put on the
remains pair Of hose all worn out at
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01
------------------
PEESNING BUSINESS.

A Chicago man, in attempting to
jump on closing bridge, had both legs
broken. When he had been taken to
hospital and relieved, as much as pos
sible, OF his suffering, physician asked
him why he jumped upon the bridge.
"Was your time SO valuable that you
felt it to be your duty to risk your
life?"
eyes, SIR"
"That's the way with our Chicago
people" said the physician, addressing
some one who stood near. every
thing is sacrificed upon the altar of
time; but it is this rushing spirit that
has given Chicago on advanced position
among the great cities of the world
My friend" again speaking to the
wounded man, you did not stop to con-
slider the danger of your unfortunate
hurry, did you?"
"No, sir.
"Your aim was to get over on the
North Side rs soon as possible?"
"Yes, sir.
"Yonr mind was wholly taken up with
the business awaiting you?"
eyes, sir"
Wonderful people, sir" said the
physician, again addressing the by
stander. "And," turning to the wounded
man, "you would have rushed in front
of railroad train ?"
"I guess / would, sir.
what business was it that could not
allow you to wait a few moments until
the bridge could be closed?"
well, you SEQ feller named Jim
had jest opened new saloon, an
tapped lseg of free beer, an put out
q lunch, an l knowed that if l didn't
hustle the fellers would get away with
it all, an didn't have time to wait for
the bridge to close, but I almost wish
now that l had, for I've lost my chance
! anyway y."-Arhd,asG 1rdueler.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01
remains a pair OF hose all

the heels. I s'pose she thought be-
cause the heels of the late lamented
were down when his toes were
turned up tnat the holes wouldn't be
noticed. That's tho kind of woman
she is.
II found the telephone, rung up the
Office and told 'em to send the sexton
to let me out. Then 1 says, Hello,
Central Hello says Central. Con
meet the late Josiah Bodfsh, tomb 36,
with his widow, No. 1,O01, says l."
Uncle Josiah did not mean that he
had gone Solomon one better; the num-
ber of his telephone was 1,00l.
"The line was switched on, and I was
just going to send q doleful sound from
the tomb to comfort my sorrowing
family and save 'em the trouble of 60
ing to medium to find out how 1 was
enjoying the climate of the sweet by
and-by when I thought 1 heard a
familiar voice. Brushing spray of
withered smila1 from my left ear I
listened and heard Deacon Sliderback
say as plain as could be: THE Lord
giveth and the Lord taketh away, Sis
ter Bodfish, and everything for the
best She allowed it was, and I
coouldn't detect any thing but the cheer
fullest kind OF resignation in her voice.
Then the Deacon said: Brother
Josiah had his faults, Sister BodGsh.
Then I heard her say she should
smile, and I thought the hilarity was q
little previous. I suppose it was drink
that killed him, said the Deacon, and
she allowed it was, and went on with a
whole lot of stuff, winding up with
Thank goodness there won't be any
more pink snakes with blue tails in
those shoes over there by the corner
II stopped to finish what there was
in the bottom of the flask, and then ]
heard the Deacon say: Now that the
snakes have been driven from those
shoes, Sister Bodfsh, may I hope tc
step into them some day?' Nice way Of
proposing, that was. Well, that settled
it. Lust groaned through the telephone
like an insulted ghost. The sextor
came along then and let me out, and
lit out for home on the Jump. When
walked into the parlor, where the gas
was burning low, dressed up in my bes
black coat, split up the back by the
man who had laid me out, and tossed
that coffin plate into the old womani
lap, right where the deacon could reai
it, you bet there was a circus. Som.
folks might call it disturbance of the
peace. put on those shoes and intro
duced the deacon to 'em, snakes ant
all. That's what the law suit is about
I'm going to lick blazes out OF Pilbolu'
when J. sec him, and I s'pose tllat'l
mako more lawing for me. But II
get divorce and n patent on my pre-
mature burial outfit, and then I gues
Pll be square. "-Chicago Herald.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01
THE EFFECTOF 4 HO0,L,

Dakota young lady was visiting a
friend in the east who had visited her in
Dakota last summer.
''You don't know how I miss our lovely
Dakota moonlight" said tho territorial
maiden.
Don't you think the moon is as nice
here as at your home?" asked her friend.
ooh, it isn't half so lovely. You ought
to sec tits perfectly elegant and makes
it almost rs light as day."
81 did see it last summer, and it didn't
seem to mo to be any brighter than it is
here"
ooh, we'll, last summer of course it
wasn't but you ought to see it this summer
since the boom struck our place! 1t is fifty
per cent. brighter. er."-DdkOta Bell.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01
BACK FROM THE GRAVE.

I was quite certain that I had heard
OF old Uncle Josiah Bodfish's death and
burial, and when I met him coming out
of lawyers Office and looking rather
more belligerent than usual it gave me
bit of start and creepy" feeling
up and down my spine. But it was
Josiah, sure as could be, and there was
nothing ghostly in his appearance. ]
asked him how he came to be still ex.
tant in such m irregular way, and he
told me all about it.
$50 you thought was snuffed out,
did you? That's good one on you
but, then, don't knows I can blame
you, seeing my own folks lowed I was
cadaver. I've got q law suit with 'en,
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01
4 Place OF REST:

Where shall We go this summer, dear?S
asked Mrs. Flyaway. We'll, let's see" re-
piled her husband; "last winter we got ma
laria in Florida?' ayes, and the alligators
got your pointer dog" sand the preced-
ing summer we got the rheumatism in the
mountains?" 1--WE did, and the bears got
my little skye terrier" And the summer
before that we went to the sea shore and
got bled by the mosquitoes md the land
lord2" Yes. And the summer before
that We went into the country and the
children were laid up all summer with ivy
poison2' Il remember" IF ielt as
strong as used to I'd like first rate to take
a vacation this summer, but I'm feeling
kind of weak and listless, and I'm afraid l
couldn't stand it. Let's stay homo and rest
this year. '-Brooklyn Eagle.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01
.sEas1EY,s rWEyrE.THBEr moyHrBs

STINLEY's TWENTT-THREE MOTHERS.
d. NJ. Stanley, the explorer, gives Wales
as wide berth as he possibly can. 1t is
alleged that good many years ago, when
he was only eighteen inches long, he was
found lying about loose in Welsh village
with only paper bag around him, and the
local Bundle took him to workhouse,
where he grew up under difficulties. There
were no particular points about him in
those days, and he squalled just like any
other common baby. For all practical
purposes his name might just as well have
been Jinks. Since he has become famous,
however, twenty-three snuffy old Welsh
women, with names ranging from Jones to
Griffiths, have claimed him as their son,
and he has grown tired of the amusement.
South Wales Bulletin.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01
KISSED BY 4 HUHGL.iR

A young woman visiting in Congress
street was awakened by q noise in her
room recently, when burglar put lis
hand over her mouth, kissed her, and
said: "Keep still, sis; l won't hurt
you. All want is these trinkets. :"
She managed to arouse the house,
when, with polite Goodnight, sis, I"
he sprang from window, having in a
bundle every portable article of value
in the room, and sum of money. He
left his hat behind, and it was hung on
the rack in the front hall to be given
to the police as a clew, The family
then retired, and the burglar returned
and stole the hat.--Portld1ad (Me)
special.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01
HE W4S 4 GONE SUCKER.

Mamma" said young hopeful Oh
Clinton avenue yesterday, what is gone
sucker?"
"A gone sucker, my child" responded
the fond mother, rather puzzled, is very
bad boy"
That night, when the clothing of the
little fellow had been removed and he was
engaged in his usual supplication to the
Throne, he said:
And, oh, Lord, bless papa, mamma and
me, for you know, Lord, I'm gone
sucker. "-Brooklun Standard Union.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01

Their sufferings are vory real, although you.
with your vigorous physique and strong nerves,
can scarcely believe it. Rather suggest the use
OF Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, which, in re-
moving every trace OF dyspepsia, and regulating
tho liver and bowels, strikes at and extirrates
the most prolific causo OF chronic nervous
trouble. That nerve. shnttoring disease, fever
and ague, is among the formidable ailments.
to the removal of which this genial remedy is
specially adapted. Nervous prostration, re-
sultng from prolonged mental or physical Of
fort, is also state OF the system where tho In
tervention OF this tonic is very desirable, moro
particularly as its use is to quiet and relax the
tension OF overwrought nerves. Tho Bitters are
invaluable in rheumatism, neuralgia, and kid
noy troubles Employ no substitute for it.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01
TIE BLIND.

Natore, from wintry sleep awake,
Her ICY srmor doth forsako.
As her swift currents start again,
Tho Easter anthems sound aneni
And lilies, white as angels wing,
Herald the beauty Of the spring.
Now. spring should make oil creatures glad
with promise she has ever had.
With message told in perfumed breath,
OF resurrection conqrering death;
But her delights of form and hue
Our sightless children never knew.
Only with wondering thoughts they hear
Rehearsed the glories Of the year.
And dimly seek their doubtful way,
Untutored by the smile Of day,
While We. the prodigals OF light,
Grow careless Of the boon of sight,
Dead fate in solitude to sit,
Unconscious Of the clouds that fit,
Bcholding ne'er the roso Of dawn,
Nor sunsets varying hues withdrawn,
Nor stars with which, above, around,
Tho majeaty of night is crowned;
But heavon that sees this painful doom
Has still some flower OF choicest bloom,
Aiuo oei. nohio 6eii VI pilceicsh WOEtn,
For those inheritors OF earth.
For them may wisdom spread her page,
Bequeathing wealth from age to age;
To them make known, in time and place,
Tho groat exomplars of our race
Its heroes shall their courage raise,
It's saints inspire their prayer and praise,
Its music join their happy bands,
In skill instruct their tender hands.
We plant this fold, to God most dear,
In tho sweet spring of childhood's year;
Aid us, good neighbors. in our need,
TO SOW it with immortal seed.
We do not know, We cannot guess,
What harvesting of blessedness,
OF docile heart and thoughtful mind,
Good husbandry may reap and bind;
But we'll wo deem that, in tho height
Whore governs the supernal light,
Joy shall requite the service wrought,
Pay tenfold back tho tribute brought;
Aud with our sheaves your names shall be
Bound in Gods golden granray.
Youths Companion,
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01
The Ladies, Fayorite.

The newest faehion in adies' hats will
doubtless cause a futter of pleasurable excite
ment among the fair sex Ladies are always
snscepne tba to the ShanEes o. asnoh plate
earnest the gossip over the new mode. DR..
Pierce's Favorite Prescription is a positive
cure for the ills which aiilict females and
make their lives miserable. This sovereign
panacea can be relied on In cases of displace-
ments and all functional arrangements It
builds up the poor, haggard and dragged-out
victim and gives her renewed hope and a
fresh lease of life 1t is the only medicine for
woman's peculiar weaknoss and ailments sold
by druggists under positive guarantee from
the manufactures, that it will give satisfaction
in every case, or money refunded. Read
printed guarantee on bottle wrapper.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01
TIE DE4DLY NOSOUJ7O

An observer states that while sitting by
the Tumichie creek in Gunnison valley,
Colorado, where the water was clear md
shallow, he saw q number of newly hatched
mountain brook trout swimming about.
When one Of these came TO the surface of
the water mosquito would fly at him and
drive his trunk into the little creatures
brain. When the mosquito flew away the
little fish turned over dead. In the course
of half an hour some twenty trout
were killed in this way.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01
Prof. Loisette,s Memory Discovcrv

No doubt can be entertained about tho value
and genuiness of Prof. Loisette's Memory
SYSTEM as it is SO strongly recommended by
Mark Twain, Mr.. Proctor, Hons. W. W. Astor,
Judah P. Benjamin, DE- Buckley, and oilers
For full details send for Prof L s prospectus,
at 237 Fifth Ave, New York. From it the Sys-
tenn is taught by correspondence quito as woll
as by personal instruction Colleges near New
! ork have secured his lectures He la had
100 Columbia aw students, two classos Of 2O0
each at Yale, 200 at Neriden, $50 at Norwich,
400 at Wellesley College, and 400 n, University
of Penn We cannot conceive how system
could receive any higher Endorsement
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01
The Cntest Little Thinrs.

"Cute!" he echoed "Well, don't know as
the adjective would have occurred 10 me in
just that connection. But if you mean that
they do their work thoroughly, yet make no
fuss aboutit; cause no pain or weakness; and,
be, and nothing that it usht not, then agree
that Pierce's Pleasant Purgativo Pellets are
about the cntest little things going!
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01
Good for Hard NYorkars,

1t is fully claimed and pretty we'll sustained
that hard workers can accomplish almost twice
as much and save themselves from illness and
loss of time if they take eight cents' worth per
day of the extract of the Moxie Nerve Food
Plant, now crextipg 30 much discussion The
If nervous woman gets hold Of bottle she
gets tho whole neighborhood to talking about
1t, and womans curiosity has to be gratihed
II it costs the price Of bonnet
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01
Consumption Can be Cured. T,

DR.. J. s. Combs, Owensville, Ohio, say: 81
have given Scotts Emulsion Of Cod Liver Oil
WITH Hypophosphites to four patients with
better results than seemed possible with any
remedy. All were hereditary cases OF Lung
disease, and advanced to that stage when
coughs, pain in the chest, frequent breathing,
these cases have increased in weight from 1G
10 2S lbs. and are not now needing any
rOe5jc;pa .
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01

Young Wife-"I took great pains with
that cucumber salad, John, and hope
you enjoyed it."
Husband (anxiously)-"I'm afraid, my
dear, that took great'pains with it, too"
-Ne,U York Sun.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01
4 LIBER4L YOUNGSTER

Doctor-''Now, my little man, you takt
this medicine and I'll give you 5 cents"
Young America-"You take it yoursel
and I'll give you cents better."-Life.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01
INNOCUOUs DESUETUDE.

This is the time of year when the snow
shovel, bedecked with cob sits in the
cellar window and leers Mt the lawn mower
rs it rattles painfully over the places where
the grass has been kept of.-Buriingto ton
Free Press.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01

A NOBLE nature can alone attract the
noble, and alone knows how to retain them.
Goethe.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01

SOME men ore, in regard to ridicule,
like tin rooted buildings in regard to hail;
all that hits them bounds rat,ling off not a
stone goes through.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01

II is now conclusively proven that cells
for the most part live on flies. They are
also spawn destroyers and an enemy to al
game fish.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01

M1LLEDGEv1LLE, Ca, has negro turn
ing white. She has been the possessor of
the tallest young man in Georgia.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01

ASK your shoe and hardware dealers for
Lyons Heel Stiffeners; they keep boots and
shoes straight
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01

IT is not mems faults that ruin them,
so much as the manner in which they
conduct themselves after the faults
have been committed.
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01

WoRDs are butts the signs and countesr
of knowledge, and their currency should
be strictly regulated by the capital
which they represent. = Colon
Turner County herald. (Hurley, Dakota [S.D.]) 1883-19??, 1887-09-01

RECENTLY a pauper died in the St.
Petersburg aims house whose health was
good up to the nge of 11S, and whose death
occurred at 122.