The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-02-09
finishes Of fun.

"A lady and gentleman accident
ally touched each others feet under
the table. "Secret t%elegraphy:" said
he. "Communion of solos, said she.
Maker of musical instruments,
cheerfully rubbing his hands:
"There, thank goodness, the bass
fiddle is finished at last" After a
pause: Zach Himmel, if I haven't
gone and left the glue pot inside!'
In Sweden, at one time, thirty
five gallons of brandy fell annually
to the share of each inhabitant. The
custom was discontinued many
years ago, hence American immigra-
lion to Sweden is unknown.
Feminine news-gatherers are
not a One tried it in a
country town, and the people
stopped taking the paper because
she told them all the news before it
came Out.
who brayed then?" inquired
earnestly a public speaker, in a
tumuItuous meeting at which imita-
ton dogs and donkeys figured with
open mouths. Il guess it was only
an echo, sir responded a nearer.
lis you gwine to get an over
coat this winter?" asked a darkey
of a companion. We'll, [ dunno
how dat's gwine to be- was the
reply. Use done got my eye on a
coat, but de teliah dat owns 1T keeps
his eye on it, too
Book Agent: Now, then, here
is Bunyan's Pilgrims Progress"
Aunt Susan: NO, sar, Use got two
bunions already and dey's never
been nc help to dis yer pilgrims
progress
"A subscriber writes to us to
know the best way to recover lost
hair. Unhesitatingiy we answer
advertise, and we should presume to
offer a suggestion that subscribers
Use a few more hair-pins in the
future.
Some men are always ready to
offer you Il remedy for everything.
The other day we remarked to one
of these animated apothecary shops:
IAN idea struck Us yesterday -
and before we could finish he
advised us: Rub the affected parts
with arnica.
-"Now tell me why / punished
YOU" said Il stern father, who had
painfully found it necessary to pun
ish his son Johnnie.
"That's it, sobbed Johnnie. "You
nearly pounded the life out of me,
and now you don't know why you
did it."
The "a o'clock scheme is going
to be a perfect bonanza for the MAJ
who comes home before daylight
and tries to unlock the front dool
with a boot-buttoncr. HIS wife
wont be able to tell whether it is
tomorrow or the day before yester
day.
-"LDok here" said a roadmastel
to an Irishman: why don't you
put on a clean shirt?" because
yer honor, Oh haven't a won in IN,
chist." "WelI, why haven't you one
in your chest?" Because Oh haven
a chist. Git me the chist, YOU
honor, an Oil hunt around fur ;
elaine shirt to put in it,"
i understood you to say tina
yoLG charges for services would bt
light" complained the client wher
his lawyer handed him a tremen
dous bill. Il believe / said my te,
would be nominal" was the reply
"but"-"O, | see!' interrupted tn,
client, phenomenal"
AS a train was approaching
Cleveland it parted in the middle
and the ~beII-rope snapped off like ;
thread, the end of it striking an ole
lady on her bonnet. What is thu
matter?" she exclaimed. "Oh, thu
train broke in two" replied gentle
man who sat in the next seat. g
should say So the old lady said
looking at the broken bell-cord
did they s'pose a trifing little
string like that would hold thu
train ~together?"
When you lift your hat to /;
lady and she passes without recog
nlzlng you, keep the hat off for
few steps and with the other hane