Fort Worth daily gazette. (Fort Worth, Tex.) 1882-1891, 1887-02-28
Every Grade of Human Bei1g Tried and
Found Wanting-CorpOrations VIII
Try the Non-U MON Ape.

ern planter who employed them.
That gentleman farmer, believed that, in
the industrial monkey, he had discovered
the sing link Of the labor problem.
he had made arrangements with a pad
rome in Cape Town, Africa, to import q
gang of six stalwart monkeys, instead
OF importing an industrial BODY of Huns,
Poles or Italians. The monkeys will be
put 10 work pounding hemp, an art in
which they are especially expert, and
which they learn in four months,
practice, precisely as monkey
which goes to an Italian trainers school
in Mulberry street for two terms learns
such polite accomplishments as playing
the violin and dancing, besides acquiring
no small smaJtering of military science
and sometimes little French. At first
the large capitalists preferred the Chinese
collie to the Irishman; then they pre-
ferred the negro to the Chinese cooie;
now they prefer the monkey To the ne
gro. 1t was the general opinion in New
York yesterday that in calling in the
monkey the capitalists he'd solved the in
dustrial problem.
at appears fl ON the Times kentucky
Dispatch said walking delegate ester
day, "that in recruiting the ranks of
American labor the capitalist has followed
this order of choice: The Chinese COolie,
the Italian lazZaroni, the Hun, the Pole,
the gorilla, (prObably next the automatic
ape"
The Times news from Kentucky ere
ated profound sensation throughout the
city. At O'Clock yesterday morning
tall, lank, sallow man entered Relch's
Smimal store in Chatham street
and said that ne would like to get eight
monkeys to so down to Mississippi and
pick cotton The sallow man added he
had plantation near Baton Rouge, and
that the negro hands had ell struck and
then emigrated in body to Arkansas.
He would like to get cageful of intelli-
gent monkeys to go down south and hoe
| his cotton and gather his crop. Mr..
| Reich said he was very sorry, but the
man was too late; all the monkeys had
| been spoken for by the steamship compa-
MES.
"Seven non-union monkeys working on
| a farm in Kentucky to the detriment Of
the colored Knights OF Labor" said q
William street joboer ia Chimpanzees,
gorillas and miscellaneous apes, sis not
so strange as to be wholly impossible.
Mary animals really work. The real but
ter which you see in the country may be
churned by dapple steer that does his
daily stint of labor in the tread
mill, year after year, till at last he drops
down by his familiar Churn, and is him
! self turned into oieomargarine-iE
! life and death martyr 20 butter! Half
of the real butter turned out in New York
state is made by dogs al d steers, and
nearly all the oleomargarine. Again,
fowls are employed by the Chinese to
catch fish, and it Is no play to them, as to
! hound or falcon, pursuing game, but
hard, prusaic, every day work. Dogs
hunt like Indians. What is there about a
monkey that he shouldn't earn his own
living2 Why should he be regarded as
our lazy ancestor, or rather as the idle
second cousin of men--the ne'er-do-well
OF our kinsfoik?
| 'But give the monkey his due-he does
work, He works every day in every
street in New York. He supports him
self He supports his friend and guide,
the organ grinder. Indeed, he sometimes
supports an entire family. He is always
the senior partner of the musical firm to
which he belongs, and he has as much
earning capacity as small railway. No
one gives money to the organ
grinder-it is TO the monkey, the
gay, Ight-hearted monkey in his
chapeau and scarlet coat, full
of chic, bubbling over with humor, that
the delighted children give their pennies
| He is the comedian; the hand organ is
simp V his orchestra. And not only is he
q born comedian, but when he hangs from
the tenth-stOry window shutter of tall
fat he is better acrobat than the Han
Ions ever dreamed of being. Why
shouldn't he pound hemp in Kentucky?
have but to say that | am sorry q
monkey should throw away his talent
pounding hemp in Kentucky.
"In business and finance the monkey is
an admirable collector and trusty and
reliable cashier. No matter how frequent
were defslcations, no monkey ever ran
away with sn organ grinders purse.
! Honest, Industrious, faithful, entertain
| ing, opposed TO trades unions, chsrishing
an intense CONVICTION thaF there ought to
| be no walking delegates, the ape is re-
garded by the Times as the ideal Ameri-
can workman, able to pound hemp in
| Kentucky more intelligently and cheaply
! than negro"
The successful industrial experiment
| narrated by the New Y0lk Times of sub
shutting monkeys for negroes in the
south in the industry of pounding hemp,
/ prepared the public mind tor the step
which the steamship companies yesterday
took, and 1t was with no surprise that
the people saw little knots of gorillas,
struggling gangs of chimpanzees, squads
of awkward Barbara apes and all sorts of
miscellaneous monkeys stroll toward the
steamship piers and the freight stations
to take the places of the
striking longshoremen and of their
comrades, the freight handlers. 1t
didn't surprise anybody who had read
the Times. The workmen simply said
that the French Canadians had been sub
stituted for the Puritan by the capitalist
wards OF the government in the subsi-
died cotton mills of New England; that
the Pole hsd been substituted for the
American workman by the wards of the
government in the subsidized iron mills
of Cleveland; the Hun had been su5sti-
I tuted for the Pennsylvania in the coal
mines of his own mountains; Chinese,
worshlping q wooden god, and lszza-
roni, eating liver and lights, had been
substituted for American workmen
everywhere. The monkey, according to
the Times dispatch, worked for. one