Great Falls tribune. [volume] (Great Falls, Mont.) 1885-1890, 1887-01-15

Varieties From all English Paper.
At arms length-Our hands.
Children of the sea.-Harbour buoys.
Natures most becoming dress.-The
close of day.
A tourist without money is a tramp. A
tramp with money is a tourist.
The more drains the fewer scruples.-
The case of a man drinking to excess.
That man is voted a bore who persists in
talking about himself when you wish to
talk about yourself.
Little Jack: "My mammals new fan is
hand painted" Little Dick: "Pooh! Who
cares? Our whole fence is"
A fashionable young lady says she al
ways enjoys the transatlantic voyage be-
cause she makes the acquaintance of so
many swells.
"Do you take kindly to mental ~services?"
asked a lady of a n%ursemaid, "Well, yes,
mum; but | should prefer the hymeneal,"
she answered.
He %(tendorly) And what do you think
of the engagement ring | sent you, Gertie?
She (~delightedly: "Oh, it is beautiful
in fact the handsomest one / ever had Civ
en- me-"
"What station do you call this?" asked
a man as he crawled out of the ruins of a
carriage after a recent railroad accident.
Devastation, sir" replied the fsliow-pass-
engers in chorus.
First traveller: "Well but, If you're a
Doublin man, how came you to be born in
Cork?" Second traveller: "Sure it was
just this way, begorra-Iw was staying there
at the toime!"
"Mother," said a little girl to her parent,
who takes great interest in charitable in
Stiluliouo, / Nlou L We1o all olpiIdn!
"Why SO, my dear?' Because I should
see more of you, for you are always going
to the orphan asylum"
"Captain," said acheeky youth, "i5 there
any danger of disturbing the magnetic
currents if [ examine the compass too
loosely" And the stern mariner, loving
his little joke, promptly responded: mo,
sir; brass has no effect on them"
First tramp: 81 say, Bill, what is com
munism?" Second tramp: "I1l explain
it to you. I have an empty bottle, and
you have three coppers. l let you have
the bottle;you buy threepenn'orth of spirits
and put it into the bottle, and I drink it.
That's communism. See?"
Young lady: "My dear professor, 1
want to thank you for your lecture. You
made it all so plain that I could under
stand every word" Professor: I am
truly glad you did understand it. l have
studied the question for about thirteen
years, and / 1attsr myself that / can bring
the subject within the comprehension of
the weakest intellect"
BERTHE; "It's very wrong, ma, to tell a
falsehood, isn't it?" Mother: "Of course
it is, dear" BERTHE: "And it's wicked to
ask a little boy to tell lies?" Mother:
Why, yes!" Berthe: "Well, that's what
my teacher made me do today" Mother;
"Gracious me-mads you tell ale, Berthe:
Berthe: eyes; she made me promise al
ways to be a good boy in the future"
A reporter upon a western paper, speak
ing of a certain noted beauty, remarked
the ,'profusion and color of her hair
would lead mi to look upon it as though
it was spun by the nimble fingers of the
easy hours as they glided through the
June days, whose sunny rays of
light were caught in the meshes and were
to go no farther The girl had
red hair-that was all.
Webster, the American statesman, used
to tell a story at the expense of Peter Lit
lie, who had in early life repaired clocks
and watches, but who had for some years
represented a Maryland district in the
house Of congress. One day he had the
temerity to move to amend a resolution by
John Randolph on the subject Of military
Mr.. Randolph % up after the
amendment had been offered, and, draw
his watch from his fob asked tho Hon |