The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1887-07-14

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We extract the following from an inter
estins article in cAnabcr'. J,arnal
Bidicule. says German critic, is like
blow with The fist; wit, like the prick Of a
needle; irony. like the sting OF thorn,
and humor, the plaster which heals all
these wounds. All Of these qualities may
be found 10 some metaphors. Man is said
to be an animal that has mania for get
ting up societies and making himself pres
iienl II the presidency has already been
claimed be contents himself with the po-
sition OF treasurer 10 cynical old bach.
elors opinion, ideas are like boards - men
only get them when they are & rown up
and women never have any. II was prob
ably another bachelor who said: Mature
shudders when she sees woman throw a
stone; but when a woman attempts to split
wood nature covers her head and retires
10 dark and mouldering cave in tempo
rary despair" A spinister says old bach
elors are frozen ont old gardeners 10 the
flower bed OF lore. To say that coquette
is q rose bush from which each young
beau picks Z leaf and the thorns are left
for the husband. Is not very compliment
AIRY. Compliments ase the coin that peo-
pie pay q man TO his face; sarcasm what
they pay him out with behind his back.
A farmer said: '0ne thing / don't like
about city folks they be either so stuck
up that yer can't reach EN- with hay
stack pole, or so blamed friendly they
forget to pay their board" A rural poet
said OF his lady love; "She is as graceful
as water lily, while her breath is like an
armfu OF clover" The Chinese call n
man OVERRIDING a thing a hunchback max
inR bow. When man overvalues him
self overmuch they compare him to rat
falling into scale aud weighing itself. A
fanatical Sabbat arian writes. "The Sun
day newspaper Isl cray fish in the dikes OF
misrule, cray fish that undermines banks
behind which the race courses, the thea
tres, the saloons the gambling dens, etc,
are roaring for exit" Another newspaper
describes fire by saying that the red
flames danced in the heavens and flung
their frey arms about like black funeral
pal until Sam Jones got on the roof aud
donsed it out with pail OF water, Cor
don Cummings likened an African jungle
to forest OF fish hooks relieved by an
occasional patch of jack knives. "You
look, said an Irighman at pale, haggard
smoker, "ss il you had got out Of your
grave to light your cigar and couldn't find
your way back again" A school master,
describing money lender, says: "He
serves you in the present tense, he lends
you in the conditional mood, keeps you in
the subjective and ruins you in the future.
A close observer OF human nature remarks:
Time marches on with the slow, meas
ured tread OF the man working by the
day" A French author is charged with
the prediction that France will throw
herself into the arms Of the liberatins
sword This not quite so bad as the dem
ocrat's speech; I've will burn our ships.
and with every sail unfnrled, steer boldly
out into the ocean Of freedom. A clergy
man on board ship began a sermon in
the following manner; "Dear friends, !
shaal embark my sxhortation on the barge
of my lips, in order to cross the stormy
ocean OF your attention, and IN hopes Of
arriving safely q. the port of your ears. "
A learned counselor, in the middle OF an
affecting appeal in court in libel suit,
treated his hearers to the following fight
of genius: ISLANDER, gentlemen, like
Demonstration Of gigantic sizs and i'm
measurable proportions, wraps the coil OF
its wieldly body about its unfortunate
victim, aud needless Of the shrieks oil
agony that come from the uttermost
depths OF lis victims soul loud and yer
berating as the night thunder that rolls in
the heavens 1T finally breaks its unlucky
neck upon the iron wheel Of public opn-
ion, forcing him to desperation, then to
madness and finally crushing him in the
jaws Of mortal death. !" A Ayoung American
lawyer employed to defend culprit
charged with stealing a pig, resolved to
convince the court that he was born to
shine. Accordingly, he proceeded to
deliver the following brilliant exordinm:
"May it please the court and gentlemen Of
the jury, while Europe is bathed 10 blood;
while cl ssio Greece is struggling for btr
rights aad liberties, and trampling the
unhallowed altars OF the bearded infdels
to DUST while America shines forth the
brightest orb 10 the political sky with
due diflileDce, rise TO defend the cause OF
this hog thief. pray. my lord, said
gentleman TO late respected and rather
whimsical Judge, "what is the difference
between law and equity courts| "Very
little in the end" replied his lordship;
"thcy only differ as far as time is concern
ed. At common law you are done for at
once; in equity you are not easily disposed
Of. The former is bullet which is instant
ly and cbarmingly effective; the latter !
an anglers hook which plays with It's viz
tim before it kills it, The one IS prussic
acid and the other laudinum. A cnrious
metaphor was used by the orator who
proposed to grasp a ray Of light from the
great orbit Of day, spin il into threads Of
gold and with them weave q shroud in
which to wrap the whirl wind which dies
upon the bosom OF the West. A writer
remarks: I'VE are afraid the machinery
will break down before the fabric can get
through the loom.
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1 Jimmy Tofiboy sneaked into the house