The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1887-02-17
WIT AND HUMOR.

tion for Thursday instead of Friday?'
.'Why?" inquired the judge. BE
cause Friday is such an umlucky day
-NeW York Sun.
Wife-sI don't see how you can say
that Mr.. Whitechoker has an effemin-
ate way of talking. He has a very
loud voice" Husband-'I mean by
an effeminate way of talking, my dear,
that he talks all the time. .''-Hd'per's
BGzar.
A Swiss law compels every newly
married couple to plant trees shortly
after the ceremony of marriage. The
pine and the weeping willow are pre-
scribed, but the birch is allowed as be-
ing prospectively useful.-Prootdence
Telegram.
Orthodox Sunday-school teacher to
small boy-'.You know, johnnie, there
is nothing you can think of that God
could not do if He wished. Johnnie
Can unwitting evolutionist)-''Could
He make me 2-year-old colt in ten
s?''-Neoo York Tribune.
Tom-"Carrie, come into the house,
and I'll show you the game l bagged
Yesterday Thought you'd like to see
ii before it was dressed" p" Carrie
..Indeed, shouldn't You ought to
h.. ashamed of yourself to think of
such thing Boston Transcript.
Yes he said to the young Lady
whose good opinion he was anxious 10
capture Yes, indeed. | believe that
yonng men should be economical.
$50 do L. she ardently replied; ''but
then fried oysters occasionally can
hardly be called extravaganza. v
Philadelphia Call.
Mrs. Wayback (to husband. who has
BROUGHT home verse OF poetry with
the authors signature attached} Us
this fust class poetry, John? Mr.. Way
back Enthusiastically )-Fust class
poetry? / should say it was l got
that in dime museum, Marian. The
feller wrote it with his toes.-Lye.
Wealthy merchant-'sWhat' You
here again! Why / kicked you down
stairs and out into the street this morn
ing, you impudent fellow" Peddler
-s.Ish dot so? Vat splendid MEM
ory! l had forgotten all apout it.
Don't you want to puy fedder duster
pefore you kick me >out some more?
-1erdS Syttn9S.
$50 YOU would like an office, my
friend" said the President. Yes.
sir,'' replied the applicant. ''Your re-
Communications say you have done
some effective work at the polls. In
what way?'' ..In the line of my regu-
lar business sir.'' s.Your regular bust
ness?'' Yes, sir; am a barber. y
Pittsbarg Chronicle.
Landlord-s.Why, how is this:
This is no marine piece. 1t is almost
an exact representation of the interior
of my saloon.'' Artist-t1 meant il
for that ssBut L told you to pain
me bit of sea-coast, a tasty little
marine moroccan, a. 'sThat':
what it is sir Don't you see th'
sehooners crossing the bar. ."-Phita
delphia Call.
They were married and she was ;
decided loser in the trade. ''Weil,
he said, one morning after a squabble
..you needn't be finding fault with M
all the time. You took me for bette
or worse, didn't you?' mo, didn't
she replied, savagely; Il took you be
cause there wasn't anybody else Il
take Washington Critic.
..What kept you so late last night
Archibald" demanded Mrs. Spotcash
s.Takin inventory" replied Spotcash
al knowed it." she replied; ''smelle'
it on your breath the minute you cam
in. You'll keep on takin' it till yo.l
get in the lookup and disgrace you
family, and then l hope you'll be salts
fed. Chicago Ledger.
..Mv dear" said congressman tc
his wife, 81 have just been reading
medical work, and l have discovere,
that water does not decay dead bodies.
Indeed" she replied, with some il
situation, s'that's nothing. 1t won
decay live bodies, either, if they don
use any more of it than some person
know of. Washington Critic.
She Ito young poet)-How much
you get for your poems, Charley
Charley with pride)-From 50 to s.
She-Wel, isn't that very little, Chal
ley? I see that Sir Walter Scott 90
$4,000 for one of his, Charley-Yes
but you see writing poetry isn't tn
the business il used to be. There
too much competition. n.-Netc York Su'
An interior Professor (who ha
been giving simple lessons in physit
logy)-..Where is your heart, dear?
Mabel-.sHere.' Professor = AN
where is your liver?'' Mabel Gndi.
nantly)-''I haven't any. Cows hay
livers.'' Professor-"O, yes, yo
have" Mabel CATER some thought
-s'Well. then, where is my bacon?'-
Life.
English artist Ton board Rhin
steamer) -.'How do you like the Va
ley of the Rhine?" American girl
20, it is lovelyr' English artist-'-I
my opinion there is no valley so beal
tiful as the Valley of the Yosemite,
your country American girl G
astonishment)-'.My country! VIII
am an American, not 4 japanese. .
Iid-Bits
s.Now take it home to yourself
said jolly fellow who believes in pc
sonal liberty to disagreeable Gran
who wants to make the world good h
Legislative enactment; chow woul
you like to 90 without drink Sun
day?" .'Ah," said the reforme
'.when l take it home to myself gel
orally have my drink, don't yer know?
NeU Orleans Picdyune.
A lonely Skating Rink met Tt
boggan Slide the other day. '.Ho
are you feeling?" asked the Rink
doleful tones. Il am hunky," replie
the Slide. Il am in fast company an
making barrels of money" 'Con
and see me in about two years frol
now," said the Rink, ssand we will col
dole together. l have been there m,
self. Philadelphia CAL.
Woman Ito tramp)-s'You migl
saw a little wood for that nice dinner.
Tramp (reproachfully) - Madam, yo
ought not to throw temptation in til
way of poor man." Woman
..Temptation?" Tramp-''Yes, mac
am. If l were to saw some wood tn
chances are would carry off the saw
I'm an honest man now, and l want
stay so. ."-Harper's Bazar.