St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1887-12-11
A CONFIDENTIAL TALK.


1t is pretty near time to quit railing at
the dude, That particular animal has
been subjected to the SarcasmS of the
entire world for upwards of five wears,
and it is about time that the world
should give its attention to something
more worthy of it. The dude has Just
as much right to exist on the face OF the
earth as you and | have. Of course he
has different ideas about dress, but
there is no law to prevent his wearing
pants with flowing legs or collar that
looks like snow fence, If he chooses
to. There is no cause for this general
warfare against the dude. He is per-
fectly harmless creature, a sort OF
Warty growth on the face of nature that
somewhat mars her beauty, but doesn't
affect her general health. He lives III
little world of his own and hasn't phySi-
cal or mental strength enough to WELD an
influence, if by chance he should fall heir
to one. His tastes are not SOrdid; on the
contrary, he is satisfied if ne is allowed
to wiggle his way through life with
nothing to taste of but the head of 81
cane. No injury can come from this,
unless it be to the cane. He makes a
most excellent door mat for our wives
and daughters to wipe their feet on, for
after he has been wiped on, he jumps
up SlIlllISiN. SIdhCN Oll biiS VII L anu
meekly lies down again to be mOpped
ali over. He's a very handy arrange
ment to have around in climate sub
iect to sudden changes, for, when out on
the street, he is constantly taking off his
hat and waving his bangs to the breeze.
In this way he manages to soak up
good many hard colds, a great deal of
pneumonia that would otherwise fall to
the lot of real people, whose time Is
precious, and who. as a general thing,
have something to live for.
The dude is greatly undereStimated
creature. Though his intrinsic value
never exceeds 10 or 10 cents per head,
he is worth great deal more than that
to cologne factories and theater man
ayers. who use him to decorate the
front seats of the parquette with during
tragic plays when the actors need some
thing to look at TO make them feel mean
and VilainOus. They are of great bene
fit financially to saloOnkeeperS who hap
pen to do business near the opera house,
for it is the habit of the dude when the
curtain goes down to rise up i'll his seat
haughtily walk over everybody who sits
between him and the aisle and make his
way to the saloon to get drink OF some
Stimulant that will enable him to laugh
above his breaStbOne during the next
act. The sensation of dudes feet pat
tering over you between acts is not UNI
pleasant when you get used to it. You
hear a faint cackle, slight rustic,
faint Od0r floats by you, ami all is over.
Don't be harsh on the dude unless you
discover him getting up within speak
ing distance of the female members OF
your family in which case you should be
very harsh OH him. Such an act war
rants a great deal of harshneSS on your
part. In fact, if there was not enough
of the dude left to tell which piece of
him YOU had been the harshest with, the
people would not be justified in blaming
you.
Again 1 say, let up on the dude. He
has. his mission in life, just the same as
snakes, lizards, rats and Cinnamon
have. His career begins in clothing
store and ends in an unmarked grave.
He wears clothes nobody else would
wear. he wears jewelry nobody else
would wear, and he wears an air of self
Importance that nobody else would
wear. Besides, as [ have limited above,
he comes in mighty handy for small
poX, typhoid fever, diphtheria and other
malignant diseases to feed on. Give
him a rest.