Morning journal and courier., 1887-04-16
SINISTER.

A Maine sheriff writes: "Luke out for an eskapped criminul. He has feerce mus tache and sin astir expreshun." ''Pa, when co writes sermon does bod tell % what to sayz'' "Yes, my child' "What for % scratch it out, thena'' It sounds little inconsistent for her to call it a ''duck of bonnet" and yet seem so terribly alarmed over the possibility of it's getting wet.-Philadelphia Call.
 Tine ameer of Afghanistan has summoned the muftis and ordered them to proclaim a jehad against Russia. This rips the yash- mak off of his designs, and soon we shall hear, perhaps, of his waving the saniak in the holy jehad, bedad.- .-Springfeld Union.
 The average man will manipulate Indian clubs until he is ready to drop from exhaus tion and never complain; but if he is oblig- ed to carry a scuttle of coal up two fights of stairs his family will not hear the last of it for several days. Wherefore is this?-Tid Bits.
 She Ia young housekeeper)-How long has that egg been boiling, deara He Hooking at his watch)-Just three minutes and half, should say. She (frantically) y)-Oh, my, that's too long! It must not boil three minutes and halfl He (resuming his newspaper)- Well, take it out, then.-Lowei Citizen.
 Mother-"What did young MT. Tompkins say to you, Clara, last night while he was trying to DuGIOu your RlOfe: OldId (StauiJJ -''He said that the man who would make glove that wouldn't button easier than that ought to be hanged" Mother-''Well, I wouldn't waste any more time there!"- Puck.
 He had coughed for two straight blocks on a Michigan avenue car, when a sympathetic passenger remarked: "You've got a cold, haven't you" "Well, maybe you think I'm fool enough to be trying to throw up my liver!" shouted the man as he let out another link and fairly shook the car.-Detroit Free Press.
 Omaha Miss-'sI desire to have my picture taken with my hat on." Photographer- Certainly, sit right down." "No, not in this; this is bonnet. will come this af- ternoon with the other; it's my theater hat, you know" 'I am very sorry, miss, but my landscape camera is out of order. ."-Omaha World.
 The Sunday Herald declares that the sto ries about the frauds in the champagne busi ness are yarns. It has interviewed lot of champagne dealers, and they say so. This is as conclusive as the confirmation of the Indi- ana mans estimate of the local judge, who he declared was the greatest jurist living. ''You can't prove it," exclaimed a doubting listener. sfI don't need to" was the answer, Che admits it himself. Howell Courier.
 Among this seasons crop of jeux d'esprit is the following sprightly little anecdote, which is said to be true, and is certainly good enough to be: "Edith," said a stern senator to his daughter, lis that young man, who pays you so much attention lately, 8 man of brainss" F'I've not had an opportu- nity to find out, papa" replied Edith de- murely. 'I've only met him in society" Washington Correspondent Philadelphia Telegram.
 He was a clerk in shoe store, but rather new to the business. When a pretty girl tripped in and asked for shoes he inquired politely: 'sWhat number do you wear?" ''Why, two, of course," she snapped; Chow many feet do you suppose haves' 'I-I- meant what size?" he stammered. s'Oh! size 3,and Divide, "she responded carelessly. He tainted before brother clerk could ex- plain that the width of shoes was regulated alphabetically and no profanity was intend- ed d-Detroit Free Press