Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-04-10
FAMOUS JOKES.
ANECDOTES OF SoMB CELEBRATED WITS
RECALLED.
Answering Her According 10 Her FOlly--AathsW's
Dose Of Ik-ThsOdOrs Hook and the
Thiry-Nins Articles.
Rshs6otA Sunday H>rGld.

question, why have they made the spaces
10 the iron gate at Spring Gardens so mar
row." he replied, ''Oh, ma'am, because
such very fat people used to go through
"a reply concerning which Tom Moore re-
marked that 1.-THE person who does not
relish it can. have ID perception OF reai
wit.")
Sir Robert Peel, speaking of Lord Eldon,
remarked that "e'em his failings leaned to
virtues side" upOn which it was observed
that his lordship's failings resembled the
leaning tower of Pisa, which, IN spite oil
its long inclination, had never yet gone
over.
Some one said to Peel about Lawrence's
picture of Croker, who was nothing if not
sarcastic, You can see the very culver OF
his Iips." YES" said Peel, land the ar
row coming out Of it." =,
Lord Maynard, on landing in England
after many years absence in India, met a
fsiend, who in the course Of the converse
ton made some a~llusion to the House OF
Commons. "Whatr' exclaimed his lord
| ship, lis that going on still?'
George COlman, the younger, being asked
if he knew Theodore Hook, replied Ger
tainly; Hook and eye are old associates
During Colman's management OF the
Newmarket an actor from a provincial me
atre was engaged who turned out a stick
In the course Of the play he came to the
line which he delivered in q nasal voice.,
"Ah, where is my honor now" On which
I -. L.lHp1 Nha laApal VgaG heard To
mutter, Il wish your honor were back at
Newcastle, with all my heart"
During the last illness Of COlman the
doctor, late in IN appointment, apollo
gized TO his patient, saying that he had
been called in to see a man who had fallen
down a we'll. did he kick the bucket,
docto ?" grOaned out poor George.
Theodore Hook, on presenting himself
for matriculatiOn at Oxford, was asked, &C
cording to the form at that time de rigueur,
whether he were willing to subscribe to the
thirty-nine articles. He replied with alac-
rity, Certainly; forty, if you please"
An illiterate yender of beer wrote over
his door at Harrowgate, Bear sold here"
"He spells the word quite correctly" said
Theodore Hook, IF he means to apprlSe
us that the article is his own bruin."
The talk turning upon the funeral OF a
manager who had recently died. Yes,
said Theodore Hook, IL was out that day
| met him in his private box, going to the
pit"
Theodore Hook said of his servant that
for the first three years he WAS as good a
servant rs ever came into n house, for the
next two q kind and Considerate friend,
and afterwards an abOminably bad master.
Mathews once went to perform at Wake
field, in Yorkshire, where, owing to the
depressed state Oftrade, the drama received
no support. He was afterwards asked how
much money he had made in Wakefield
and replied, Not a shilling" Not u
shilling?' repeated his questiOner, Why,
| thought you went there to star" so |
did, - replied Mathews, 'but they spell it
with a We in Wakefield"
Mathews, seated ON a coach-bOx on a
frost day waiting for the driver, said to
him when Mt length he appeared, IF you
stand there much longer, Mr.. Coachman,
your horses will be like Captain Parry's
ships" "How's that, sir?' why,
frozen at the pole
Mathews being asked what he was going
TO do with his son the young mans profess
sion was to be that Ofan architect why, ,
answered the comedian, "he is going TO
draw houses like his father
A friend attending on Mathews in his
last illness found that he had given him
some ink from Il phial in mistake for his
medicine. On discovering the error he ex-
claimed, Good heavens, Mathews, | have
given you inkr' Never mind, my dear
boy, never mind.' said Mathews, family,
"Pll swallow a little piece OF blOtting-
paper" .
An actor named Priest Was playing at
one Of the principal theatres Some one
remarked at the Garrick Club that there
were a great many men in the pit. Prob
ably clerks who have takeu priests or
ders, " said Poole.
On the production of an opera, The
Haunted Tower" by Cobb, q genial friend
said to the author: What a mlsnomer
to call your opera The Haunted Tower!'
Why, there was no spirit in it from begin
ming TO end"
The only practical joke in which Rich
ard Harris Barham (beJter known by his
nom de plume of Thomas Ingoldsby) ever
personally engaged was enacted when he
was a boy at Canterbury. In company
with u schOOlfellOw, D., afterwards a
gallant major, he entered a Quakers' meet
ing house; the latter held up a penny tart
| and said, solemnly: "WhoeveT speaks first
shall have this pie" "GO thy way, boy, y
said a drab. colOred gentleman, rising, "gC
| thy way, and -" The pies yours
: sir!'' exclaimed D, placing it before
/, the astounded speaker and hastily ~eiiecting
. his escape.
D The reigning bore at one time in Edin
burgh was; his fayorite subject, thu
North pole. 1t mattered not how far sOutt
you began, you found yourself transported
10 the North pole before you could taxi
4 breath; no n escaped hiR. Jeffrey flee
e from him as from the plague, when pos
sible; but one day his arch.tOrmentOr me
him in y narrow lane and began instant!
on the North Pole. Jeffrey, i'll despair ant
n ont of all patience, darted past him, ex
. claiming: "D-n the North POle!, sgd
ney Smith met him shortly after, boiling
with indignation at Jef1rey's contempt o
h the North pole. "Oh, my dear fellow,
said Sydney, never mind; no one mind
what Jeffrey says, you know; he respect
nothing, absolutely nothing. Why, yc1
will scarcely believe it, but it is not NOR
than a week ago that | heard him speal
disrespectfully of the ~equatOr!'
Sydney Smith said OF Macaulay: III
is a book in breeche5. = + = He ]
certainly more agreeable since his retur
from India. His enemies may have sal
before Though never did so that he talke
rather too much; but now he has occasions
flashes of silence that makes his conversa
ten perfectly delightful"
Sydney Smith said at another time
Macaulay that The not only oyeItowe
with learning, but stood in the slop.
Again: al wish | were as sure OF any on
thing as Macaulay is of everything"
re To some one who said, "Whewell's fort
,e is Silence" Yes" said Sydney Smith
land his foible is Omuiscence.'
i. just About ~lOngsEnough.
VI BHrdsttc.
- why was eternity made, papa?' aske
Reginald. $50 that a cricket match coul