St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1887-09-04

drank three glasses, stretched UP my
neck, breathed prayer for more
strength and greater capacity and sue
ceeded in forcing down two glasses
more. The effect was instantaneous. .!
know how l felt. and Saphrony SAID
that straightway looked as If L had
been in Waukesha month. The same
expression of represSed misery settled
upon my face, and my nose Immediately
assumed the peculiar tone of voice that
is universal ut Waukesha, and is the re-
suit of COMPRISING the lips very tight,
to dam the water that otherwise would
flow ''back to the fountain returning"
There is to be grand ball this even
ing" Saphrony announced, in tones OF
longing and regret.
"Do not imply a desire to hold a
claim upon some man by Snivellng IN
that fashion, SaphrOny. There is to be
a ball, and we shall go-alone and UNI
protected by aught save our colossal
Self-reSpect and contempt of c0nyen-
tional rot.
1 WILL CHAPERONE Us, MY DEAR,
clad in black silk, Spectacles' and my
mantle of dignity"
And l did. Saphrony afterwards ac-
knowledged, though, that for once in
her life she wished she was married and
respectable. But moments of weakness
are common to us all. AT a place that
is frequented mainly by Fasteners and
SouthernerS there must perforce be
Superabundance of flesh and diamonds.
Made practical by the one and dazzled
by the other, Saphrony observed that
she would like to have the money she
could gain by selling the Eastern bellies
at SO much per pound, and the Southern
women for what their diamonds would
bring. The fat, feminine revela-
tiOnS made and the glittering
gems shown were calculated to
incline the speculative mind to action.
SaphrOny was not to be blamed for her
SordidneSS. 1t seems to me that If
were a man / wcalld attend one of the
girl-laden Fountain house balls and kill
myself the same night, so that might
die feeling that was of some impor-
lance in this world, and that they would
miss me when I'm gone. 1t is fairly
painful to see the number of really nice
looking women who come into the ball
room trying to look as if they expect
nothing, and who never get anything
more the whole evening. In the end
they must 60 back to their rooms and
strip off their tinery, wondering what
on earth they were ever made for, and
there isn't living soul that would have
the courage to help them out in the con-
undrum. If reading novels, dressing,
eating, and figuring as an advertisement
for proposals, sealed or otherwise, con-
Stitute anything, then there is an object
in having been made, and if not. not so.
At II 80 Saphrony gave vent to her
twenty-ninth yawn and declared that
being in the world and not of the world
was well enough as Scriptural injunc-
ton, but put In practice it was an awful
bore. "ThiS exhibition of hopes deferred
and unrealiZed pals on me: let us CO."
We wandered out on the veranda and
surprised an engaged couple. There
was no installing them. The sight was
at once refreshing and oppressive. To
see girl out of all the unsuccessful
ones
ACCOMPLISH THE AIM OF HER EXIST
ENCE
was pleasing, but already matrimony
cast its gloom over loves young dream,
and there was a certain I-wish-to-
heaven-I-hadn't expression on the mans
face, while the girl looked as if it
doesn't matter much either way when
it comes to choice of evils. AS rule,
l must confess, to stumble upon love
making in its early stages causes an in
voluntary sigh to escape the spinster's
lips. But on this occasion it was at such
a stage that clasped Saphrony to my
bosom, and together we breathed a
prayer of thanksgiving for our present
and prospective loveless and independ-
dent state.
Not to go to the springs after break
fast would be an Offense against propri-
ETY. that only less unconventional per-
sons than we are would dare to commit.
Having drank six glasses of water, and
resolved in our minds the amount of
money to be made by the enterprising
genius who invents some sort of pump
that will force the different springs into
a person at one and the same time, while
he sits at his hotel bolStered up in bed;
spared the effort of swallowing and
made as comfortable as possible under
the agony of containing, we seated our
selves to watch the procession of martyrs
pass. Up they came, drank, and back
they went-duty conceived and dis
charged. 'Bright's disease, dyspepsia,
general giving out, rheumatism, back
ache, bad attack of goutr' thus did
Sophrony check off the different all
ments that crawled by us. The doomed
engaged couple edged up in a
SpiritlesS fashion, and, when he
had taxed her capacity to
the utmost, Sophrony observed, "He
has done what he can for her; the rest
is between her and God" An attenu-
ated being, evidently from Texas-all
legs and dreadful case of goutness-
marched up side by side with man
who was health personified. AS both
held the sparkling water to their lips
an amateur photographer turned his
camera on them and declared he would
realize fortune selling the picture to a
patent medicine man for a
BEFORE AND AFTER" FEATURE
of his advertisements. Poor little chill
dren were brought up and had their
victuals deluged by their conscientious
parents or nurses, and the helpless in
nocents would regard their prosecutors
over the top of the glass as much as to
say, "What have l have been do
esda, Arcadian, Siberian-any of them
the same sights, the same music,
the same water-er, that is, to the UNI
scientific taste. 1t seems the same.
There comes a time when exhausted
nature refuses another drop. With
some it comes earlier, with others later;
with us it came about noon. Saphrony
preceded me to the 'bus, and, in the
blindness of her discomfort, she at
tempted to step right over Chicago's
''Long John" Wentworth, who was i'm
the act of getting out-that is, his body
was away up in the front part of the
Jus SOiHSWHSit anu d lOOI vi 6lGiler
step. How it was that SOphrony escaped
utter humiliation, for the life of me,
cannot tell. Such look as was be-
slowed upon her would have completely
exterminated weaker soul. As she
heedlessly pushed on her way ''Long
John" drew himself up in closer COM
munication with his feet, glared ON her
in manner awful to behold, and
growled:
''How do you suppose you're going
to get in here until other folks get
out?''
''If you would just remove one
section of yourself, sir. | think can