Reporter and farmer. [volume] (Webster, Day County, Dakota [S.D.]) 188?-1946, 1887-07-28
MnanInrles Titles.

When this republic was ~ ohe
relic OF its old monarchical allegiance
was preserved, namely; a use OF hon
orary titles. We no longer had a
Majesty to bow to, so we received M
Excellency. There were no Serene
Highnesses to whom n could pay
court; no Most Mobiles and High
Mighties and Lordships and Lady.
ships to compose an aristocracy
which should patronize the remain
der of the commonwealth, so we lump
ed our superior beings under the gen.
eral head OF honorables. The use oil
these titles has generated into abuse,
and the principle OF giving aristocratie
handles to the names OF u plebeians
is inconsistent with the idea OF abso-
lutte equality. Jerry McGuff. for IN,
stance, gets into the legislature. II
will not do to inquire too closely
how he does it, but he gets there. de
is mixed up in all the deals, the Jobs,
the swindles that he al get into; he
is criminal, unintelligent, and incapa.
BILE; it is at q cost of public honor and
public money that he keeps his place.
Well, what then? At the end OF q
year he returns to his ward with mon.
ey enough to start a liquor saloon,
and he is ''the honorable Jerry Nc
Cuff from that time forth. His next
door neighbor, his superior mentally
and morally, goes to hisgrave as plain
John Smith, known to his friends "a
John, to his boss as Smith, and is not
so much as a 'Mister"-a term devoid
of present meaning, though q corrup.
ton of the Master" that implied
adult condition and capacity In pro.
fession o trade. The "Honorables'
OF New York city, could they be col
lected and exhibited, would be found
10 include so many dishonorable PEG,
pie that suspicion would rest oil al.
most any man who should urge its
usage for himself. Esquire is anoth.
er tag appended to the names Of
many who have not earned it
But the acme of titular exploita
ton is reached in our benefit societies,
To read the names of the reception
committee at q dance of the Com
bined Brotherhood of Mutual Honey
fuglers, or of vice-presidents at a
twenty-five cent concert given under
the auspices OF the Protective Benefi
cial Order of Latchkey Owners, would
lead one to suppose that when M Of
these favored gentlemen landed at
Fulton Ferry the twenty-sixth ward
would tip up. Solomon in all his
glory was never the owner OF so many
names. 1t is nothing unusual for o
small shopkeeper who is called "Hulio,
Schmitzenberger," in the daytime,
to bloom forth in the night with red
and green ribbons and blue rosettes
and gold badges on him, clutching q
scepter of power and welding it over
a group of abject initiates who are
taught to address him as the Most
Sublime and Right Worthy Ruler
How he can endure to continue in
the grocery business after q night
OF such exaltation is not to be thought
out. The little dry goods clerk who
doesn't dare to ask his landlady foI
a second plate of hash, or his employ.
er for an afternoon of, lords it over
sixteen or eighteen subjects on lodge
night and is called Supreme Dictator.
When n of these societies meets in
the evening in a 20 X 10 temple on the
fourth floor above a hard ware shop.
The Past Grand Lord of the Door
Knob announces that there are no
spies or traitors in the house, the
password sRatl" is solemnIy whis,
pered by each in turn to the Most No.
BILE Custodian OF Secret S~igniicances,
the names are called by the Grand
Master OF the Rolls, The Most Excel.
lent First Solicitor OF Dues reports to
The Most Exalted and Puissant Au.
tocrat that there is @ deficit of SITS
and that the landlord wants his rent,
the lodge authorizes The Most Excel.
lent First Solicitor OF Dues to make
up the deficit, the Very Noble and
Superior Third assistant Autocrat Is
called on for some remarks
on the rise and growth and
beauties OF the order; then, il
there are no candidates to have fun
with, the lodge goes down the street
and the Worthless and Excellencies
and S~upremacies and Exaltednesses
and Puissances play poker and drink
beer with the common herd with an
affecting g~raciousness. Commonly,
the people who consent to wear these
names are full grown and possess an
average share of wit, yet their parade
OF titles is exactly akin to the wearing
OF paper epaulets and wooden swords
by children. 1t is a piece ofpoor, silly
vanity, a delight in empty sound, a
tolerance Of d~isparities that is ridicu.
lous. II these names were the inven.
ton OF little boys or of people OF
manned intellects, they would be ap.
propriately parented, but they are
reputed to ONE from reasoning men
and custom has sanctioned their per.
petuity. Many OF these societies are
maintained for a worthy purpose and
do a great deal or good, but for the
chairman, secretary, treasurer, and
doorkeeper to give themselves titles
bigger than those of Oriental despots
is the height of the absurd. Verbal
decorations OF that sort are so cheap
that right thinking men are ashamed
to wear them.-Brooklyn EARLE.