Los Angeles daily herald., 1887-01-09
A JUDGE OF WOMEN.
A Snd Misfortune Befalls the
President of an Institution.


President of an institution.
The President eof Blue Knob Colleg,
had just arrived in town and was sitting
in!the hotel corridor. waiting for friend
when man, wearing careful and in
vestigating air, and dressed in suit o
gray jeans so fresh from the loom tina
oil oozed out of them, approache hin
and asked:
"Do you live here?"
"No, sir" the President replied.
"Did you ever live in thick settle
ment?"
II have, sir" the President replied.
| "You'v seen lots NV women, l reck
on?"
'Of course 1 have. What do you
mean?"
Don't mean no harm. Pretty good
judge nv women, | reckon?'
The President, who had been inclined
toward an angry resentment of such
| ques ions, now became amused.
"Yes," he answered, II am, in my
neighborhood, regarded as fair Judge
of women"
sGlad to meet you, then. My name
is Lias Buck, an l am good jedge NV
| hoss, but don't know much about
! women. got married this mornin', an
I'm glad that you're jedge NV the sex,
| fur want you to 90 up, take good
look at her, an tell me what you think
NV her. would rather have some sort NV
er expert pass bis Judgment on her befo'
l married her. but didn't want the gals
folks to think was so particular about
small u,atters Gonna mn and apa her -
my dear sir you must excuse me" !"
the President replied. II would not,
under any circumstances, undertake a
commission so very delicate.
"Now, don't fret bout there bein'
anything delicate in the transackshun.
Wife amt delicate, lemme tell you.
Be: S. an put up the money right now,
that she can grab yearlin' steer, and
make him squat in three kinds NV misery
an five kinds NV pain. Come on, an
tell me what you think Nv her."
Il positively will not." the President
exclsimed.
"Then you have been merely leadin'
me on ter have some cruel fun outer
me-" said Mr.. Buck. 81 can stand
poverty an privation, an gaps ermong
the chickens, an humiliation an hog
cholera, but I'll be DANCED ef can stand
for man .er trife with my anxiety con-
cernin my wife. Come on up, now,
give me your 'pinion NV that oman, or
arter while some one will ask: How
came all this glass an putty layin'
roun' here?' an then feller that peers
to know will say: WY j,s' now a rough
customer snatched up feller that
looked like his business might be
playin' on the pi-ana, or some other
clickin' arrangement, and flung him
through the glass door,
The President of Blue Knob College
possessed many admirable qualities, but
physical courage was not numbered
among them. He expostulated with
Mr. Buck; be drew picture to illustrate
the righteousness of q proceeding so
novel, not to say uncivilized, bat Mr..
Buck, instead of yielding to The inhu-
ences of an argument made persuasive by
keen personal interest, replied:
"Don'tsslet us have no foolisbness, an
specially don't let us have no decept.
ion. You led me on to believe that you
was a dge Nv women. Come on"
The President tremulously arose and,
with faltering steps, accompanied MIR.
Buck to the parlor. When they entered
the room short, fat girl, with red
lace and tan.bark hair, arose, giggled,
and sbyly came forward.
"Ana, this here is friend NV mine"
"Howdy," said Ana, extending her
hand. The President shook hands with
her and stepped back as though he
4 l.. Eo D. l.
gently detained him, said:
"What do you think NV herr"
"Oh, I-I-think that she is good
woman, sirl"
"Ah, hail." Walk roun' thar, Ana,
an let's see what he thinks of your
gait. That's it. Now trot just little
Now" continued Mr.. Buck, chow do
you think she moves
Extremely we'll sir"
"Good roadster, eL?"
eyes, 1 should think so."
"Now look in her mouth an"
"My dear sir"
''No foolishness!"
The President looked in Ana's
mouth.
Cali right, is she?" Mr.. Buck asked.
eyes, l think So.
"Think she's frst.class, eh?"
81 think so.'
81 dnne right in marrying her, then,
didn't I?''
81 think So"
"Well, Jest make them statements in
writin'."
"My dear sir"
s'Never mind. It's long distance
from here to the ground"
The statements were made in writing
aud were signed.
Mr.. Buck continued:
"You see, some NV my friends lowed
an didn't know whether l was or not
till got some man to pass Judgment on
her. I'm goin' to have hose Gamma.
tion papers published an that will set.
tie the matter"
my dear SIR" the President excited
ly exclaimed. II do not want my
name"
"That's all right. I'll also make a
statement offerin' to bet $40 that you
air the best jedge Nv women in the
whole country. No, you needn' thank
me-" he continued when the Presidents
mouth hew open. THAR, now, good
day"
The absurd statements were published
and several days afterward the Presi.
dent received the following communi.
cation from the directors of the Blue
Knob College:
"DEAR SIR--As you have become a
charlitan and crank upon the subject
of how to judge women, We no longer
desire your services. ana therefore re.
quest your resignation. We do not
think that president of college where
young ladies are sent to receive proper
training, should trot girls up and
down a room to determine their qualfi-
cations as roadsters. You need not
take the trouble to write out an elabo.
rate resignation, for if we catch you
within sight of the college land we will
soon start for that institution) we will