News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-12-01
TERMS $1.5O.
THE PRoDIGAL SON.

Prodigal Son-Father, I have spent
my substance and have arisen and re-
turned to thee
Practical Father What did you spend
all that money on?"
amateur photography"
''Kill the fatted calf and send it to
the nearest idiot asylum. My son will
dine there omaha World.
THE CoIoNEL's ERROR.
Hotel clerk to Missouri colonel-What
was that noise in your room!
''Oh, had to break the neck off a
bottle found there, as / couldn't draw
the cork
"Why, the only bottle there was a
hand grenade"
'Is that so2 I thought the liquor
was very mild. ~ Chicago Times.
TROUBLE AHEAD.
CoRntry bride (in uptown hoteD-
Aiss--this rosm pretty expensive John
fer us!
Country Groom-No, was pertick'
Ter to get the price after l took 1T. l
told the feller that we would stay about
week, an he said the terms S. apiece.
Ten dollars is a good deal O. money, but
amt this a weddin' "trip?
1T WASN'T HIS TOOTH.
Countryman to Dentist wouldn't
pny nothing extra for gas, just lug her
out, Never Mind if does hurt.
Dantist- you are plucky, sir.
Let me see the tooth.
Countryman-Oh, faint me that's
got the toothabhe; it's my wife. She
will be here in minute.
WORSE THAN MITCHELsTowN.
Wife-Why James, where have you
been? Your clothes are torn, your face
is scratched and your hair in confus-
ion. What's the matter?
Husband-Oh, nothing. I just tried
to pass a shop where a fall opening OF
bonnets was in progress.
HE WAS OVERCOME WITH FEAR.
Street car condutor to countryman-
If you saw him picking the gentleman's S
pocket, why didn't you interfere instead
of letting him get away!
Countryman-I saw that sign up
there, ''Beware of pickpockets, an, b
gosh was 'fraid to.
ADVERTISING.
"What tremendous amount of
money Hardware & Co. must spend in
advertising in the papers.
"Well, you see, they haven't got any
sons and daughters to get married, SO
they must advertise in another way. >
Toaon Topics.
A SNAIL.
Landlord Here it is the 10th of the
month again, Mr.. Foggs. You're a
regular snail for paying up.
Struggling Scientist i hope you
mean the edible snail, sir.
Landlord-Edible snail?
S. Scientist-Yes; slow, but good.s
THE MAIDEN WITH THE AUBURN HAIR.
Breathes there a girl with hair so red,
Who never to herself hath said:
Why does the white horse follow my path,
Like the hound on the tigers track?
Does the flush of my bright hair waken his
Does he think should color it black?
-C5Jtcago Tribune.
FROM HEADQUARTERS.
"Why, Bobby" said his mother,
very much sho, ked. "where in the world
did you hear that, expression ?"
81 heard pa say it when he was put
ting up the stove this morning" ex-
planned Bobby.-N. Y. SIN.
LITTLE BOYS.
Old Lady-Tm sorry to hear little
boy use such shocking language. Do
you know what becomes of little boys
who swear!
Urchin-Yes'm. Dey gifts ter be
hoss-car drivers.
so QUICK.
Mrs. Hartraunft-I'm sure you've ac-
quired our language very quickly, Pro
fessor. [ can understand you perfectly.
Professor Bliegenshmit (proudly)-
Ha! del's you l vos not on any flies !
A COMPLAINT.
Tenant Ito house agent)-Sir, I've
come to complain of a crying evil in
the fiat below mine.
Agent-i crying evil! What is it2
Tenant-A two weeks old baby.