The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-08-20
) DIVORCED FROM MUSIC
Observations or the Recent
Bill Nye's bhibitory Police Order


Observations or the Recent
Bill Nye's bhioitory Police Order.
IRON, the Neso York World
Ffs and bears are now held by the
Monkeyon Counsel to be obnoxious animals
Corporatty, and orders have been issued to
IN this cAm whenever found Every effort
queii theput forth to extend the limits of
Is being Aife here and to enforce the game
human every instance. Monkeys are a
laws inf anyway, and bears are unsatisfac-
luxuryto a great degree. No one ever
tory = Just how to take bear, and! that
knoway so many people do not make the eff
IS vii
Tort ne theory that music should in all cases
T accompanied by a restless monkey. with
" itail extending through the seat of his
: ntaloons, is entirely erroneous, and 1T is
gratifying to know that the NANCY and
gJverestimated son of song cannot go
about New York assessing people with a
high hand any more without violating the
law.
The common American bear is also a
pest, and a thickly settled community like
New York ought to hold out every induce
ment for wiping him out. If the country
would offer bounty for every bear killed
outside of Wall street it would be good
thing. | never feel any unworthiness so
much anywhere else as do in the pres
ence of loose bear. Once met one at the
foot of Sheep Mountain years ago and |
know he must have formed poor opin-
ion of me for he did not see my best
side
Tame bears make good pet and generally
outlive from four to six owners A German
observation-disclosures by the name Of Fischer,
at Laramie City, Wyo, once owned a pet
bear which he called William William
would frequently come and eat out of Mr.
Fischer's hand and he endeared himself to
one and all for several years. But one day
the relations between Mr.. Fischer and Will
liam became strained, and after eating out
of his masters hand for little while he de-
cided to top off with the hand. Bears can
never hope to get ahead so long as they live
from hand to mouth that way.
Bears will not only resent an injury but
they will also resent anything else that they
can get hold of. There are three ways of
meeting an Infatuated bear. One is to look
at him in reproachful way till he feels
ashamed of himself and goes away to live it
down. Another is to beat him to insenSi-
bility with the clinched hand, and still an
other is to place one of your coat-tails in
his mouth and lead him SO far away
from his home that he cannot find his
way back You can then dispatch him
at your leisure. Bear multiply rapidly and
are also quick in subtraction. If the police
carry out strictly the new rule regarding
monkeys and bears an unarmed man can go
from Central Park to the Battery without
an escort.
The rule will not affect music generally
throughout the city. The man with the port
able piano still 1.-The affrighted air with a
shudder bore" to use the language of the
poet in a new way. The fortissimo gentle
man who whistles for livelihood at Pier 6,
at so much per strain, will probably complete
his summer engagement also
The strolling minstrel who plays the flute
with his nose, and the deaf old lady near
Bryant Park who has made large fortune
with hand organ because it does not make
any noise and she is too deaf to know. about
it, will both go ahead with their good work,
but monkeys and bears will please keep off
the grass.
On second thought it might not be best
70 give a bounty for the scalps of bears
here, for it would open the way for abuses
of various kinds A bounty Of $25 was Of
fered for every BEARS nose brought to the
Register of Deeds Office in a certain county
in New England few years ago. and the
Treasurer paid out 81 800, it is said, for bear
shouts, which he now finds are made of vul-
canized rubber
A schoolmate of mine is now engrossed on
a three years contract, at the Joliet peui-
Tertiary, in Illinois, for buying wolf-scalps
in Montana where wolfscal BPS are within the
reach of all, and bringing them into Illinois,
where there was more of a demand and
better rates. And still it is held that inter
state commerce is going to help all kinds of
business.
But the law to suppress bears here will be
productive of great good. They have never
been of any use according to history, ex-
cept when Elijah fed whole primary school
to these animals for speaking disrespect-
fully of his badness, and even that has been
severity criticised by other bald-headed men
since
don't think that / could ever win the
affection of bear so that he would re-
member me after was gone. The affec-
tions of bear are not lasting. He may like
a man for a few moments, but after he has
eaten the features off and the mans beauty
is therefore marred the bear seeks out new
face.
| am glad it is not customary to call out
bear every time any one said something re-
fleeing ON bald-headed man. for If they
did so now the gentlemen who sit on the
front row at the Fall of Babylon would
keep nenagerie pretty busy this summer.
That is the reason we have decided to pay
no attention to such talk BILL NYE.
A LITTLE BRASS PIN.