Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1887-11-02
rlrH AND PoISI.
A SHEET anchor-s clothespin.

&&s sT S WFa@%NfaS| NsE%N
A SHEET Anchors clothespin.
AM carpenter csn frame N excuse
To SAVE time-let your watch run
down.
THE check that rsigns best-ths
bank check.
MEN differ very much from gums.
A. Ill experience teaches,
Mon kick, whom kicking, with their boota.
But guns kick with their brooches.
-Boston Courier.
TIE chaps. who claim they never ~
Have ordered up . drink.
Know all the deep significance
That lies within . wink.
.-Tsras SVsfnos.
IT was very likely Mrs. Partington
who hurriedly concluded her category
OF baby diseases and troubles by And
SO on 'ad infantum.'"-Teras SiH-
ings.
MINISTER (making . call)-And do
you always do IS your mamma tells
you to, F1ossie? Flossie (emphatically)
Il guess I do, and so does papa
Ne,o York Sun.
An English writer says: "The girl
of England stands alone" That's just
the difference; the girl of America
always has . host OF admirers about
her. -SomerviI1e Journal.
"DoN'r you suppose" said q member
knows q rogue when he sees him ?"
"No doubt" was the reply, "but the
trouble is that he does not seize a rogue
when he knows him."
STRANaER-Have you any anarchists
in this town? Resident-Not one.
This is q prohibition town you see.
"What has that to do with the matter ?"
Everything. You never find any
anarchists where there is no beer"
~How is it, Jones, that you are SO
much down on Smith? You are al
ways speaking harshly of him. Did he
I've do you any injury? ?" "No," re-
piled Jones, confusedly, "the fact is I
once did him an injury" "Oh! I see
that explains your bitterness against
him. "--BOst0n Courier.
In Chicago - Citizen to visiting
friend - "There's the handsomest
gambling-house in the country" "What,
you don't mean to say it is a gambling
house?" YES" HAS the new mayor
made an effort to close it?" mo"
what is the name Of the place."
aboard of Trade" - ArkGnsaW
Traueler.
"WE must have peace and order in
this community ct any price," said the
Kentucky man as he stood up in o law
and-order meeting, swabbed ont his
revolver with his handkerchief and put
in new cartridges. How many did
you get when you shot just before you
came imp" asked the chairman of the
meeting. Seven at six shots, and one
of them was the county Judge and an.
other the sheriff. "-Dakotd Bell.
CusToMER-You said this compound
would make my hair grow. It's a
fraud, sir; for 1 have tried it three
months and Am just as bald as ever.
Barber-Why didn't You put the com
pound on your hair if you wanted it to
grow? You put it on the bald place
to try to make it grow. Just as well
rub it on your cheek TO make your
brass grow as to put it on your bald
head in hopes Of raising hair. Buy
some hair, put the compound on it and
if your hair don't grow I'll refund
your money.-Newman Independent
OVER in Petosky, Mich, a lady
rubbed phosphorus on her bunion,
presumably, to ease the pain, and then
retired to her downy couch. Along in
the night her husband, who was 9
drinking man, by the way, thought he
saw a fiery eye looking at him. He inn
agined that he saw q frightful winged
monster with one blazing eye, staring
at him; and after standing it as long a.
he could, he decided to kill it. Slowly
he reached under the bed till he found
his boot-jack, and after splitting on his
hands, he whaled away. The next
moment his poor wife gave o yell that
nearly lifted him out Of bed, but when
he found out the true state OF affairs
he was Immediately relieved, ever
though his wife has been obliged te
walk on clutches ever since. -Peck's
San.