Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-06-29
TONSORIAI POINTERS.
Ii. Whangdoodle Baxter Has Somothtng'
to Say About the BARRIERS.

Mn Whangdoodle Baxter Has Somethtng'
to Say About the BARRIERS.
De subjec' oh dis Clemens discourse
am BARRIERS. has selected dis subject
bekase de cullud race am much adj
dicte' ter barberism, not only in dis
kentry but likewise in Africa
has heered heap oh references ter
illusions in regard ter BARRIERS, dat dey
talks too much and so forth, and I ana
sorry ter say wild humileashun dat dar
am good grounds for hit.
Howsumeeber, dar's no danger oh de
barber shops goin' outer de bizness SO
long as de wimin folks cuts dar corns
wld dar husbands best razor. Dis, and
de fact dat de aberage woman can't be
convinced dat hit don't Spite a razor
ter sharpen hit on butchers steel.
Some barber am too heightened ter
call demsefs BARRIERS. I knowed one
who called hissef a tonsilorious arts,
physignominical har dresser, carnum
manipilater, capillery abridger, and
professor oh crinecultural abcission.
He was one oh de ornery BARRIERS, and
de customer what got inter his hans
got hissef inter bad scrape, and no
mistake. / has heered BARRIERS was
surgins, originally, and dis sort of bar
bers am surgins yet. Keep way from
'em.
Talk1n' about BARRIERS bein' surgins,
de barber shop am not de only place
whar folks get skinned alive. Some
time hit hurts noah to get shaved in a
brokers' Office, or in law office, den
hit does in BARRIERS chair.
De beautiful poick who SAID ode
fittenest place for man ter dye am
whar he dyes for man" must have had
a barber shop in his head when he writ
dem solemn lines. "De Isles of
Greece" / has heered so much about,
wasn't dey in barber shop? Some
folks don't preshiate de literary labors
oh de BARRIERS. Dis heah head-work
takes brains, you jes bet hit does.
Men, and specially boys, likes ter be
shaved. Shaving a boy am like re-
ducin' expenses, for yer has ter cut
down. Heah! heah! heah! I had a
young freaten ter sue me for damages.
He said, cut off his merstache. L tole
him didn't see hit, and den he got SO
mad he wanted ter kill me. He
couldn't be persuaded dat his whiskers
wasn't ripe yet.
De talk what BARRIERS glib dar custom
ers don't do no hurt. Dey nebber
really says muffin. When barber
talks to customer, and am sociable-
like, he don't mean muffin 'cept dat he
wants ter scrape an acquaintance.
OATS all. / has heered tell dat de
reason dat we don't heah muffin more
about de phonograf am bekase hit
went inter barber-shop and was
talked ter death, but | don't believe
hit. Hits simply consult ter de bar
berous perfeshum.
Most men will stand clip on de
head from a barber, and dey don't lose
dar temper eff de barber pulls dar nose
besides. Dey wouldn't take dat from
nobody else 'ceptin' barber. Before
tuck ter lecturin' I was tonsorial
arts mysef. I once tole a man wild
mighty little har on his head dat he
needed a bottle oh my Magic Har Re-
storer and Electrical Elixir, but he
shuck his head very solum-like and
said dat hit wasn't har restorer so
much as hit was a divorce what he
needed. / guess arter all he knowed
best what he wanted.
l has also heered dat in Chicago you
could see wimen at de polls, dat dar
was lots oh female BARRIERS. Hit strikes
me dis move am shear nonsense, and
muffin else.
When l was tonsorial arts [ had
more change in my pocket den has
had serce [ has been on de lecture
platform. Uncle Nose, please pass de
hat TEXAS S5ttjnqs.