Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1887-01-27
WIT AND HUMOR.


Husband-Going to get a hat to-day.
dearP What will it be-a high one?
Wife-No, dear. shan't 60 10 the
theatre much this winter. - 7fd-Bits.
Waiter-I beg your pardon. sir. but
it's l o'clock. sir. Caveley (who has
lost himself a little)-Whatsh is it,
waiter (hic), yeshterday r tmorrerP-
7Id-BitS.
Mrs, Grundy says Sunday always
swells the arrivals at the hotels. This
probably docs not refer 10 their heads.
1t is the product of the bar that does
that.-BostOn Transcript.
Joseph Wiener has presented to New
York city bust of Washington Irving
modelled by the sculptor Beer. Wiener
and Beer ought to be able TO get up an
eminently satisfactory bust.
Female voters in Vermont are re-
quired to own $3.50 worth of property
That's easy enough. A sealskin sack
and one pair of silk stockings will
about average it. Boston Herald. A
Fortune hunter-Now, darling. say
yes or no. I've only fifteen minutes in
which to catch the train. Heiress-
Better catch your train, then. You are
not going to catch me- Boston Courier.
A gospel hymn" sung by the Saliva
ton Army in Chicago has for its re-
frain Happy as Whale" We didn't
suppose whale was happy. There is
SO much "blubber" about it.-NorriS-
to,0n Herald.
what is herop" asks an exchange.
A hero is man who can pass crowd
of boys engaged in making snowballs
without turning his head TO make sure
that they have no design on him.-NeS0
Hdven News.
An observant youngster at michael
Strogoff" the first night created quite a
laugh by remarking when the premier
danscuse, Signorlni Gossi, appeared:
mamma, is she going in the bath
tubP"-Reading Herald. D'
The photographs of 'cigaretmakers"
on exhibition in our cigar-store windows
show conclusively that to make these
little lung-testers they are required to
show what kind of shoes and stockings
they wear.-Nes0 HaVen NesOs. .Ir
English milliners are said to have
discovered way of making bonnets of
tissue paper so that the bonnet will not
cost over 10 cents, If this is true,
young men can begin to marry on
ordinary salaries.-Burlington Free
Press.
When Londoner in New York re-
marked to an American, you have no
leisure class here" his attention was
Immediately called to number of
female servants who were enjoying
their usual afternoon out.-NorriStosO
| Herald.
Three months ago New York mes
senger-boy was sent to carry 5000 to a
place several blocks away, and as he
had not got there he was arrested few
days ago. This is shame; they ought
to have gwen him time.-Ncs0 HaUes
NeWS. -..
One lady meets another, who has Just
lost her father, promenading Fifth
avenue, dressed in colors. What?
You are not in mournlngp" For so
distant q relative?' Your father II
distant rclativeP" Certainly; he lived
in Chicago ~ -7fd-BitS. NJ a..
When a native New Zealander. pro-
poses to damsel of the tribe they rub
their noses together. If that were the
rule in this country, the heroine of the
usual multiplicate engagements would
need TO wear thumbstall on her nose.
I-Sn1l Hrn,,ciSco Alta ~ .r
why do the heathcn rage?" said
the minister to his congregation. A
Montana man who was doing in his
seat wakened up enough to snort out:
Probably that burned agent has been
putting rather TOO much water in the
reservation whisky. ."-Keoku& Gale
City. ,...~,
The funeral was over, and q few per-
sonaI friends were taking dinner with
the bereayed widow. won't you
have some more of the roast beef, Mr..
Smith?" she asked. Thanks" he re-
piled; Il believe will. The ride to the
grave and back has given me quite an
appetite. IN. Y San. ..s..
''Dockder," he said casually to a
physician whom he met on the street,
'I've god bad cod in my he'd. Whad
would you advise me to doP" And the
doctor, who doesn't give something fol
nothing when he can help it, replied
Il would advise you to buy q dozen
pocket handkerchiefs and then consult
physician. IN Y San.
Life-insurance agent (filling out ap
| plication) Your general health is good
is it notP Applicant-Never had sich
day in my life. Agent-Um. You dt
not contemplate entering upon any
hazardous undertaking, suppose
Ata,icant-Well, yes; I'm afraid l do
l am going to get married next Wed
nesday.-Lowel Citizen.
Lottie Litewaite Amelia, jus
think! Amy Bllfkins is married.
Amelia Bagley--'.Do know her. dearP'
"Do you - why, Amelia, don't yol
remember at Vassar how you
20, yes; that was the little girl to whom
I'vowed eternal friendship. That &C
counts for my not remembering her. y
Philadelphia Call.
Champoireau was dining fey
friends. When dessert was placed Of
the table all his guests joined in com
plimenting him on the excellence Q
his wine. '.And yet." cried Mime. C.
intent on maintaining the famil
reputation for laundering, do yol
know that we have by no mean
given you the best we haveP' Frenc