Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1887-07-22

Anna NJ. Longshore Potts, NJ D., Is an
American, who is lecturing on physiology
in London. She also declares that the
dress for men and women is
ridiculous and unhealthful. Anna NJ.
Longshore Potts, NJ. D. doesn't waste
much of her time on dress; it takes
about all she has to spare TO write her
signature.
SPREADING THE GOSPEL.
Il am picking up all the pins 1 can
find" said Edward Stillwel: mamma
pays me penny hundred, and by the
4th OF July l will have eight hundred of
them, which will make eight cents for my
missionary box"
"Well," said Bill Jones, coarsely, what
of that?"
Then" replied Edward Stillwel, for it
was he, mamma says she will give me- a
quarter to go to the circus. Don't you
wish you might 60 to the circus also,
William" asked Edward.
"Hoh!" was all that Bill Jones said.
Because he went to the circus, too: al
ways attended both performances. Some
times he carried water for the elephant; in
that case he got twenty Eve cent seat,
same as Edward. But, as rule, he pre-
ferred to hook under the canvass, because
then he got fifty cept seat, and spent
his missionary money for pink lemonade,
made of water. moisture and dampness in
equal parts.
ACCORDING TO CIRCUMSTANCES.
What influence has the moon on the
tide?" asked the new teacher.
Depends Oh what's tied" replied the
the smart, bad boy tLoughtfully; IF it's
a dog it makes him howl, and If it's a
gate it depends on whose trying to unite
it. Ny sister"
Just then the new teacher began to re-
member that all former teachers in Birch
hazel district had resigned in the middle
OF term.
OVERHEARD AT THE KENNEL.
Don't disturb ne," remarked the
faithful dog, pausing in his selfappoint-
ed task of polishing a bone of the thir-
teenth century, 81 am all in snarl this
morning"
And the cat, who was rather a Iniserly
thing and kept her purrs to herself, in
stantly got her Lack up and remarking
that she felt little rutfied herself, went
away to the dairy, saying she thought
churn at ths cream pans would tone her
up. Only ignorant, dumb brutes, who
know 40 better, would talk in this idiotic
strain,
WHEN THEY'RE EMPTY.
4 pondent in Ulster county vents
to know when is the best time to make
strawberry bedS:" When the strawberries
are up, we suppose: That's the time you
make other beds, when the people are out
of them.
sBAMEFULLY PROSECUTED.
De Lesseps, the well-known hedger and
ditcher, is an abused man. The last
time he went away from the Panama
Isthmus, somebody pulled the plug out
of the canal and let the water out. 1t
was doubtless the work of some fun-lov-
ing American, but all the same such Jokes
are in very bad taste; we never tasted one
of them but have been told they are
brackish.
VACATION THOUGHTS.
We live in land of statesmen. Every
four years and at times between whites
there is smell of postof1ice in the air,
and the low and sweet sound of consulate
is heard in the distance. We see the
shadowy forms of United States Marshals
yet to be, and out of the dreamy gates of
the impossible drifts the sad procession
of never to be supreme judges. Ours is
a dear favored land for the fellows who
do not get left.
We love our country, the most of US.
We fight for her and work and sweat and
struggle and swear and lie for the blessed
privilege of administering her finances;
some of US. Oh, America, America!
What would be a country without Of
fees? 1t would re liks bedroom with
out bed; q cat without voice; cigar
without match, or Coney Island with
out match, or Coney Island with
out beer.
NOT WORSE, But MORE.
After all, politicians are no worse than
they used to be. But Their. are more of
them. Therein is the evil. Grasshoppers
are no more voracious in the locust sea
son than they are in any other year, but
in the year when they multiply their cen
sus by the uncounted millions they are
able to do infinitely more mischief than
when there are barely enough of them to
furnish tishbait fer the industrious citi-
zen of the republic And, dearly below
ed, all the mischief in the world isn't
done by the politician either. There ars
law yOlo VIM "OuAl llouOI butlI IuCSt
learned profession by getting themselves
kicked ont of it. There are editors who
disgrace journalism. There are ministers
few and rare they are-who profane
their puipits. Oh, there are three or four
people outside of politics who need kill
ing.
NOT WHAT IT USED TO BE.
No, indeed, my son, we don't have tho
peaching We used to have when your
grandfather was boy; indeed we don't
Who has been telling you about it? Oh,
your grandfather; we'll, wha your
grandfather tells you is true. And they
didn't have the preaching when he was a
boy they used to have when his grand
father was boy, too. lime was when
the good old preacher climbed up two
flights of stairs into a pulpit nineteen
feet high, read the whole book of Jere-
miah-fifty tive chapters-for the morn
ing lesson, sang the One Hundred and
Nineteenth Psalm clear through, and
then preached and e1pounded the doc
trine. and pounded the Bible and gaur
the stuffing fly out of the cushion until
o'clock in the afternoon, when he stopped
to catch his breath, and began again
at sunset and preached until some time
Monday morning. No, indeed, my boy
we don't have the preaching they used to
have.
IN MEDIC TUTIssIMUs.
Let other men wraugle and strive,
And struggle and scheme 10 contrive,
For me It's dis:reeter, and meet her. and sw<eter
to sit on the fence by mysSf;
know that the scorn Of the world
At my meaningless mean will be hurled,
But have no measure, or leisure, or pleasure, to
struggle for power or pelf
There are fellows whose greatest delight
Is to hunt for the midst OF the fight
And joslle and shoulder the older and holder and
knock out the timid and i'm;
SO If /, of peace loving mind,
To roost on the fence am inclined,
Small odds if they hiss me or kiss me or miss me,
for keeping up o1t of the swim.
II ever 90 TO the war
I'll go in the medical corps,
And then while they are fighting and biting, and
smiriUg, and shedding bad language
and gore;
III turn from the strife abhor,
Both sides Of the field I'll explore,
Where the wounded are creeping, and sleeping
Sweet balm in their hurts will pour.
The June Crop Report.
Washington Critic.
The June returns of the department of
agriculture indicates a reduction of near
~ per cent. in the area of winter wheat.
Changes in the acreage of states are very
slight, except in Kansas, where reduc-
ton of % per cent Is reported, caused by
bad harvests and low prices. The spring