Morning journal and courier., 1887-09-15
CUR ATHVE.

ssTo what do you attribute the curative properties of your springss" asked visitor at health resort. He-Then you love me? She-I do. He And may speak to your pa? She-Speak to ma. Pa ain't ybody in this house.-Boeton Courier.
 As rule departed spirits are not so much feared as those who have just been turned l loose from the bonded warehouse Chicago Inter Ocean.
 "It is lucky for a certain New England State that the theft of {, 1000 900 acres of land l reported by Surveyor Julian oceurred in New Mexico instead of Rhode Island. "- Chicago Herald. Sunday school teacher-What is it, Tom my, that stingeth like an adders Pupil (recently caught in a neighbours pear tree)-The end of trunk strap.-Burlington (Vt.) Free Press. Absent Minded. d.-C -Clerk-"What can do for vou sir?" Professor-s'I-I-well,t that's nice affair; really don't know what was told to get. But no matter, give me some- thing similar. ."-Fliegende Blatter.
 One of the contemporary poets asks: "Where are the bright girls of the past2'' Our own observation is that some of them are administering cautious doses of paregoric to the bright girls of the future.-Philadel- phia Press
 A trunk went over ths Michigan Central railroad recently on which was printed: tion Army. God is Love. Repent or Per ishl" It is needless to say Miss Carrie is shining light in the armv.-Philadelph Call.
 Law professor-'tWhat constitutes burg Iary?" Student-s'There must be break ing" Professor-''Then, if 8 man enters your door and takes $5 from your vest pock- lzJI Io h,,rr, ,1o,, Student-tYes, sir. Because that would break me- "-Exchange.
 A religious weekly recently spent much time in discussing ''How to bring young men into the church." That is easy enough; hire policeman to prevent young men from lounging around the church doors during the services. Then they will have to go in or miss the girls.-Omaha World.
 Hotel clerk (to guest)-Your bill is one dollar and half, sir And how did you find trade in town!
 Guest-Tradea Pm no drummer. I'm gentleman and am travelling for pleasure.
 Hotel clerk (contritely)-I beg your par- don, sir. Two dollars, please.-Puek.
 Proverblets-Where there's will there's a way to break it.--Evil communications are worth about $50, 900 apiece to New York his own joke.-Speeoh is silver, but the coinage is debased.--It is we'll to be on with the new love before the old one throws you over.-Life.
 True art-Miss Qliter-''Of course while I am here III Chicago I must dress as the Chicagoans do, but these hats are simply outrageous" Madame Zemonde-"Ah, Mam'svl You don't know ze genius zat I haf to bring to get zs-vat you call ze ba1- anze-between ze head and ze foot here in Chicago. ."-Tid-Bits.
 Miss Litewater ton the beach at Long Branch)-Ah Mir. Kewpon, I love the sea, and next to that love the free and boundless West. Do you take any interest in the West, Mir. Kewpona Kewpon Gust from Wall street)-Only the usual rate; 10 per cent. in Dakota and Montana and to 8 in the other erritories.-Harper's Bazaar.
 "Well," answered the proprietor thought- IunJ, "I guess the advertising I've done hes had something Co do with it."-Detroit Free Press.
 My dear young friend" he said solemnly, Eff you are so fond of beer at your age, what do you suppose you will be when you reach your prime2'
 "A politician" responded the youth.-