Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-04-06
70 MAKE YOU SMILE.

ONE of our esteemed contemporaries
takes 20 lines-about lao words-Go
tell "where women are valuable.
And yet he might have told 1t IN one
word, to wit, namely, that Is to say,
"Everyvhere. - New Haven PaHad-
ium.
IT was very late aud they were re-
newing for the sixty-seventh time
their vows. "You'll be true to me-"
shecooed; ''you will never tell me
base falsehood2" "Never, my dar-
ling" he murmured. Then the bell
tolled 1.-LoweH Citizen.
A sTUFFED owl somewhere In the
parlor is considered quite ornamental
by fashionable young ladies, and g.
stuffed club somewhere IN the hall Is
considered quite useful sometimes by
their papas. "Thus runs the world
away Washington Critic.
De CAD-s'That little Miss Beach is
a regular little fool" Bagley-"Oh,
no." De Cad-"Yes, she is. Any girl
who will f1irt is B. fool" RaGley-
"Does she flrt ?" De Cad-e'Why. she
airted wit me all last evening"" Bag
ley-sOh, we'll, then she is g. fool. -
Texas Siftings.
In Bavaria the Mayor of a little vii.
lage was ordered by the higher author
tiles to make out g. list of the dogs
kept by the inhabitants. He did so,
and the list read as follows: The
school-teacher-a dog. The pastor
q dog. The doctor-a dog. Myself
dog. All of ;ss together -four dogs.
CARE you believer in the efficacy
of prayer ?" inquired Mr.. Rogers OF
MIR. McSorley. mo, SIR" responded
McSorley, emphatically, "I've tried it
q number of times and it turned out
q fat failure every time, just as [ ex-
pected it would. "-Brooklyn Union.
A EEwsBoY on Southern railroad
train struck bridal couple while vend
ing his literature. Handing q book to
the bride, he said confidently: 81
think this will suit YOU" The Lady
grew confused and the party laughed
when he held up g. book hearing in
flaming letters the title. "Wife in Name
Only"
YOU'VE MoThER-"What do you
think OF the little darling, Maj.
Bootss" Maj. Boots-"Well-gr-isn'C
he rather small?" Young Mother ire
proachingl-"He is only 2 weeks old,
you know" Maj. Boots (hastily)-.
"Ye-e-es, I know. LII meant small
for his axe "-.Harper's Bazaar.
OMAHA DAME (anxiously)-Why,
how thin you look7 Married daugh-
ter-Thinl Why, I thought was
gaining iii weight. "Nonsense. You
are getting as thin as g. rail" cts
very queer. My husband can't hold
me on his lap half as long as he used
to because I've got so heavy. "-Oma-
ha World.
will you trust me Fannie" he
cried passlonately grasping her hand
with all my heart, Augustus, with all
my soul. with all myself" she Whis-
pered, nesting on his manly bosom
"Would to hoaven you were my tai.
lor," he murmured soto voce, and
tenderly he took her in his arms
Washington Critic.
t'Is that you, Mr.. Brown" called
out Mrs. Brown from the window
above as Brown fumbled with his
latchkey at the door. "Yesh-hic-
my dear, I've been-to meeting-hic
-Labor-hlc-Club, and" "Well,
I've declared q lockout" snapped
Mrs. Brown as she slammed down the
window.-New York Sun.
THIS may not be true story, but
it is interesting If true: ga Chicago
minister preaching on The immortal
ity of the Soul stepped to the front
Of! the platform, and leveling finger
at the congregation, said: You may
lose your wives and get others; you
may lose your husbands and get 9th
ers; you may lose your horses and
carriages and get others, but when
you lose your souls it's goodbye,
John. "-Sunspot.