The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-09-22
WIT AND HUMOR.
Life at the Forrest Home is exact

Il was raped in slumber," said the
tramp, as the policeman hit him with
| a club Washington Critic.
Papa is sometimes asked to contri-
butte to his daughters happiness and
won't give assent.-Detrott Free Press.
Pupil Ito music-teacher) -"Here is
note with a " over it; what do you
call that ?" Teacher (absentmindedly)
"A fve-dollar note"
He-''So you don't care to be mine
with all that | have at my commands"
She-''That's just the trouble. | don't
want to be under your command. y
The Judge.
A Philadelphia artist who paints
historical pictures has an aunt who
one day exclaimed: Anybody can
paint picture, but the trouble is to
find fool to buy it."-Epoch.
Another material has been found
out of which paper can be made, but
it is supertiuous. Any man can make
paper; the trouble is to get good in
| dorsers. Philadelphia CAL.
"You don't mean to say, Phyllis,
you are going to undress on the
beach ?" "W6y not?" There's only
that Boston photographer about. He
doesn't count. "-Toa0n Topics.
The walters ready explanation-
"How can you give such a dirty nap
kin as this?" BEG pardon, sir; got
folded the wrong way, sir. There,
sir; how's that, w?'-Net0 Age.
At the Zoo. Aunt Sybil (well versed
in zoology)-De las animal we seen,
Lille, was de sacred COW. Now, dis
is de hippomapotamus cow-an, my
sakes alive, amt she plain.-Pucb.
Fond Father-Well, my boy, what
course do you intend taking this year?
Son-Same as last year. Father-Let
me see, what course did you take last
year? Son-Race-course. The Judge.
Lizzie (before leaving her bathing
cabin)-Mamma, dear, is there no.
body looking? Mamma lin next cab
in)-Not soul about, love. Lizzie
Then I'll wait till there is.-T0tO7a
Topics.
1T is love that makes the world go
round" we are informed by the poets.
1t is a somewhat notable fact that a
very limited quantity of poor whisky
will produce the same effect.-Merch-
ant Traveller.
A farmer said: "One thing I don't
like about city folks-they be either so
stuck up that yer can't reach 'em with
a haystack pole or so blamed friendly
that they forget to pay their board. -
Buffalo Express.
When you 90 off on summer tour
don't worry if YOU find yourself in a
State in which the fishing laws are very
| strict. No State ever makes fishing
laws until the fish are all gone.-Ha11-
Sas City Times.
THE failures in Great Britain dur
| ing the first six months of the year
aggregate 2,913, Conserved the horse
editor. Does that include Tenny-
sons Jubilee Ode ?" asked the snake
PittsJurg Dispatch.
Until once with a picnic party we
stumbled over a wasps' nest we had
never fully grasped all the outlying
and circumjacent wisdom of the old
saying that nothing runs like woman
stung. -Duluth Photographer.
Jones was going in the country for
| six months. mo doubt you'll find it
! a great bore" some one said to him.
80, no-the only time | find it hard to
dispose of is that from in the morn
ing to 9 at night. The Judge.
A machine has been invented that
| will sew on 5000 buttons III day.
No one seems to know yet whether or
not a marriage license for that sort of
| machine costs more than one for the
other kind.-J0ur71al Of Education.
Elderly Stranger-"Boy, can you
groundsP" Boy essir; Jest folIeTT
the road over the hill till you come to
the lager beer stand, then turn to the
right, an you're there. "-NeoO York
San.
New cquaintants-"T a claret
punch with me ?' Summer actor
Thank you, but claret doesn't agree
with me. However, if it's all the same
to you, and as the price is the same,
| I'll take three beers. y Cincinnati En-
| Qutrer.
Guest Cat summer hoteD Who is that
MISUNDERSTANDING young man wip-
ing dishes +? Proprietor-That is Mr.
Emerson Tracy Bancroft, who de-
| livered the magnificent Grafton on
The ldeality of Life" at Yalemouth
commencement.
Visitor Ito tramp who is enjoying a
comfortable meal at Blackwells IS
| land )-''YOu have been unfortunate,
my friend" Tramp (bitterly)-"I
should say so! The Judge only gave
me thirty days when fully expected
six months. life.
Presence of mind. Editor.-sWhat
was that awful crash in the composing
| room Just now?' FOreman-'.Sure.
all our foreign news has fallen into
! 'pi.'" Editor-''Pick it up and head
| it List of Members of the New Hun
garian Parliament. Life.
Baseball excitement is so intense in
Frederick City that recently when a
| young man was in the act Of proposing
to one Of the many pretty girls OF that
| pleasant city she interrupted him with
the words. Never mind that. What's
the score?'-Baltinlore american.
Absent-minded business man to
office boy-''Tommy, go up to my
house and tell my wife have again
forgotten my watch. Bring it back
with you," lie pulls out his watch and
continues: Now, Tommy it is 8
o'clock; be back at 10. "-Epoch.
It is complained that the Missouri
River water used in Omaha is fit for
nothing but mud pies. Instead of
drinking it the unfortunate people
chew it, and even then it raises an in
ternal sand-bar that has to be kept
covered with Milwaukee beer.-SQn
Francisco Alta,
A child was recently watching a
young lady in Holliston busily talking
into a telephone transmitter. Sud-
denly the child said. who are you
talking TOP" The lady answered, u
am talking to a man" The child re-
piled, well, he must be an awful
little man to live in such small house
as that. '-BcSton Globe.