River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-06-23
ALLSPICE.


TOO RISKY.
ut is a pity he is such an egregious
ass. dear. He is divinely handsome. +"
THAT is just the trouble. Iwould
not much mind marrying a rich fool.
But handsome Qua into the bargain
it is too risky"
INFALIBLE RULE.
at is simply ridiculous the way
servants dress nowadays. Positively
one cannot tell the maid from the
mistress when one seesthem in the
street.
20, yes, one can. There is an in
fallible rule, you know"
"What is it?"
THE maid is always better dressed
and pretter."
ART TREASURE.
Matter-of-fact lady pointing 10 art
treasure) real cute!
Enthnsiast-Yes! it's nearly two
nunufeu years old.
nj. o. +. l.. (encouragingly)-Neyer
mind, nobody would know if you didn't
tell, and it's real pretty all the same.
Enthusiast is moved to tears.
ILLUsIvE SYMPTOMS.
AT the Hygeia;
81 say, julie, do you know that Mr..
Brown thought you were married
woman until this EVENING""
well he must have thought was a
nice kind of married woman, flirting
around this wayr'
''Oi he thought you were naval
officers wife"
HE FEARED THE RESULT.
Horse-dealer-.'Yes, that's a good
boss. He's got only one trick that I'm
afraid he'll never be cured of.
Prospective purchaser-"What's
that?''
Horse-dealer-"Well, you see he
sorter likes to take hold of person by
the pants and hold 'em up. But you
needn't be alarmed, he never does any
damage"
Prospective purchaser-"Yes, but
you see I'm away from home a good
deal. and my wife generally attends to
the horse"
AN OLD HOUSE.
Drummer (who has just struck up an
acquaintance with hotel guesD -"What
house do you travel for ?''
Missionary-"The oldest in the coun-
try"
Drummer-'What name?''
Missionary-.'The house of God. -
Judge.
BUSINESS BEFORE PLEASURE.
Moonshine: Commercial Ito trades
mam-Well, and how did you enjoy
your honeymoon?
Benedict am sorry to say that l
can't tell you till the end of this week
my wife hasn't got home vet.
Commercial-How's that?
Benedict-Well business being I'M
expectedly brisk, we could not get
away together. went out for fort
night by myself, and the wife is now
away for her fortnight; SO shan't be
able to tell you till she returns.
THE NEW GIRL.
Boston Courier: Too enthusiastic in
his praise. Wife-What do you think
of the new girl, JohnP
Husband-Was that her that just let
me IMP
W.-Yes.
H-Well, she's just a daisy.
w. Gcily)-Think so?
II. enthusiastically Think so!
Why, she has complexion like a moss
rose, and eyes like-like-I don't know
what. Andher teeth are splendid, too.
Next day when John went home to
dinner he was let in by a girl with a
completion like polished ebony, eyes
as large as saucers, and teeth like two
rows of piano keys.
RAINING HOT WATER.
Albert Palmer, well known Bos-
tonian, lately deceased, was President
of an ice company. During an exceed
ingly mild winter the ice company
people. whose sock was very short,
were in serious doubt whether they
would have an opportunity to fill their
ice-houses. Palmer, in particular,
watched the thermometer with a fever
ish interest. One evening the indi-
cations had promised '.cooler weather."
and his anxiety led him to get up in
the night and put his hand out ofthe
window. AS he did so he uttered a
loud exclamation. ''What is it doing,