The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-11-30
HUMOR.


An Alpine horn -pine-top whisky.
I CHILDREN Of light-boys who peddle
matches. -Tcras SJtings.
THE way of the worid-countles
millions Of pounds. Pretzel.
A DOG that can throw o COW pitches
his lay in beef fiat.-TtTas Siftings.
DELIA-How is Mrs. Grenadine late
"? is she perfectly reconciled to the
loss of her husband? Belle-Yes, L
think so. Her mourning fits beauti-
fully.-LoweU Citizen.
CITIr EN-What's the matter, Doc
in a hurry? Doctor should say SO!
I've got more than can do. Citizen
Some epidemic? Doctor--No; people
are getting back from their summer
vacations.
"AIN'r you in, Maria?" he queried,
as he fumbled around with the latch
key. "No, | amt. I'm out. Out of
sugar, out of tea, out of flour, and out
of patience" snapped q female voice
from an upper window.
FIRST swell-They say it is q virtue
and good action to shelter and care
for an idiot in Persia. Second swell
All! good custom. I'll introduce it in
America. Come and stay with me for
while. -ToaoR Topics.
A RURAL debating society will soon
discuss the vital question: (Which ben
efits the country most-the Concord
School of Philosophy or the young
man who wins the lawnstennis cham
pionship ?"-Norristoton Herald.
FIRST dude-Aw watts the mattah,
Chawles? Second dude-Been kicked
by mule. F. D.-Aw, then stwop
coating his daughter. S. D.-Why?
+. ID. because thaih aw enough dom
keys in that family alweady, doncher
knaw?-Ne,oman Independent.
81 AM going to have the Legislature
change my name to Notoriety," re-
marked Franklin street girl who had
never yet had chance to tell her love.
"A strange choice. How did that hap
pen to strike your fancy?" inquired one
who heard the declaration. $50 many
men court notoriety, you know
Buffalo Express.
"WHY do you keep up revival all
the time in your church? ?" was asked
of an Arkansaw negro preacher. "Has
ter do it, sab, he replied. "Whut de
land boom is ter de small town de
| 'vival is ter de church, an eff yer let it,
| go down de cause gwine ter suffer. Tell
yer whut's er fack, eff 1 didn't keep
| desc niggers shoutin' all de time dad
let me starve ter def Eff er niger
preacher lets de rope. slack he's gone"
-Arkd1aSdac TrdUeler.
A SOCIETY girl wants to know on
which finger gold thimble should be
worn. 1t is all right to be particular
in this before marriage, but after mar
| riage the man of house, at least, does
not care continental on which finger
the thimble is worn, as long as the but
tons are kept on his pants. In these
days of bone and roll-gold shirt but
tons, man can easily keep his shirt
| supplied with buttons, but his pants
are bound to suffer more or less, and
his wife can wear her thimble on her
nose, for all he cares, if she will but
keep the buttons on his pants.-Peck's
Sun.
The fire at COL Doggerty's wagon
factory Wednesday evening"" says o
Colorado paper, was largely attended.
| Among the prominent society people
who were present we noted Judge and
Mrs. Witherspoon, Senator and Mrs.
Poindexter and daughter, Gov. Stand
| ish, and Miss Van der Horck. Mrs.
Senator p oindexter administered o neat
and deserving rebuke to one of the
firemen early in the proceedings.
Stepping up to hoseman she touched
his shoulder and said. sharply: 'Play,
it lower down, you red-headed chump'
get it down where the fire is You
fellers amt expected to put out the
| North Star p"-Fred II. Cdrruh.