West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1887-01-20
MR.. AND MRS. B0WSER.
MRS. BowSER 8 ACCOUNT OF SOME
FAMILY DISCUSSIONS
Mr. II. suddenly Dcvclopes "a Fond
ness for TitIes-whcre a. Znnzi-
h.lr2-Wh Int Mna LonpfolIoNYp


rdr2-What Was LongfcIiowP
Mr., Bowser is a great man TO "brcak
out In spots Tho other evening, after
braccd on the mantol he suddenly oh
served
Mrs. Bowser, has il never occurred
TO YOU 10 call me JudgcH
"Noverw | promptly replied, for he
had complained of the biscuit at supper.
Nor Colouelr
'Nolr
"Whilc ] could probably have gonc
TO tho Supreme bench, or been commits
stoned Colonel, he softly continued, "I
did not care for the honor. am not
one, Mrs. Bowsor, 10 clutch at titles in
order TO lit myself up, but | didn't
know but it might please you TO be
known as Mrs. Judge Bowscr."
1 don't want the title"
Very well, Mrs. Bowser III you
have no care for social distinction I'm
sure haven't. IL your ambition is 60
plank yourself in tho house with that
walleyod baby and pay no attention to
the demands OF society might as woll
join another lodge
| felt n bit conscience stricken over
the way had acted, and after awhile
went out aud told the cook 90 call him
Judge when she came in with tho last
scuttlo OF coal When she came sho
managed to bump him to give her an
excuse for saying: Excuse me, Con-
stablo-eXCuso moh
There was n solemn silence for fvo
minutes after she left the room. Then
Mr.. Bowser observed
"Perhaps, on the whole, Mrs. Bowser,
IL 4. a..
me by any title. Hired help IL so stu
pid, you know1"
On late occasion, rs our fircside wag
scene Of peace and happiness, Mr.
Bowser softly remarked:
Mrs. Bowser, whenever il comes
handy you'd better throw out hints to
your la1y friends that you were educated
abroad"
"Why"
"Well, It will increase their respect
for youn
''Eut | was educated in tho little red
school house at Porryville, you know,
and have never been out Of the State"
Don't talk 80 loud, rs Jane may be
listening told friend only the
other day that / was educated abroad,
and had been through all the art CALLER
les Of Europe
"what place did you say you studied
atl"
Zanzibar"
'Why, my dear, that's in African
"It Isl Now that shows what you
know! Zanzibar is in Germany. Mrs.
Bowser, don't want to crow over you
on the subject of education, but when
you display such lamentable ignorance
of geography have to feel glad that my
school days were not wasted"
81 say it's in Africap
"Mrs. Bowscrm
"And I'll prove it by the atlasp
IF you do I'll give you $50 in cash ~
got out the atlas, and there, over on
the east coast Of the Dark Continent was
Zanzibar, as every school. child knows.
''1ll take that fifty" l quietly re-
marked
'No, you WON'T Some fool of n map
maker has gone and got drunk and
mixed things up and I'm not going To
pay for IL. When i know that Zanzibar
Is In Germany 1 know 1t Just as well as
the atlas OF anybody else"
did this friend Of yours ask you what
Cd muster you preferredT
eyes, ma'Rm, and was posted there,
too. You may think / go sloshing
around with both eyes shut and my
tongue hanging out, Mrs. Bowser, but
that's where you are dead lame. told
him j ongfeller."
"Mr. Bowserp
''What nowl You don't spose said
Sam Patch or Buffalo Bill, do your"
"But Longfellow was not painter at
all, he was n poet
lie drew in his breath until his face
was as rcd as a beet, and he jumped up
and down and hourshed his arms like a
windmill, and finally got voice 10 roar
out
'Ill bet you nine hundred thousand
million quadrillion dollars 20 that old
back comb in your hair Mrs Bowser,
such assumption and assurance on your
part Is unbearablew
'Jano may hear you"
"Jane be hanged and you, too Mrs.
Bowser, / demand an apology for this
nsultw
"Wait tin prove that Longfollow was
not an artist but n poet"
III give you million dollars il you
do it."
/ got down the volume Of poems by
Longfcllow which Mr. Bowser had given
me the year before, and then / went to
the encyclopedia and made q tight case
UN nlUls TIC WAH NJ ufHt AuGllueQ 10
give in, but directly he struck tho table
such blow that baby screamed out
and then shouted
~ see how IL ~ You are looking for
Longfollow al the time and / distinctly
stated that IL was Long f(Her' If the
printers have got drunk and left tho
name out am TO blamop
''Mr Bowscr, I believe will say
was educated abroad believe ] will do
IL 20 please you"
"Oh you will Well, you needn't do
anything Of the kind Folks would all
know by your frecklos that you sat in
tho sun iu some country school foundry
Mrs Bowser, you've broken up tho
peace of this freside by your malicious
conduct, and you needn't set up for mo
t0 night ] may not come home before
10 morrow n- Detr0n Free Pres.
A Race Of DWarfs.
The explorer, Ludwig Wolf, has re-