The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1887-07-13
PIrH AND POINT.

"A loaf of bread six feet long was
eaten at a Doylestown Pa.) festivity.
"A man can not attempt to find
out what is in a woman's heart with
out certain disturbance of his own.
-'Listen to your wife," says
medical advertisement. AS though
one didn't have to listen to her!
How seldom you hear of a woman
fainting anywhere else than in
mans arms Transcript.
There is no rule for beauty; this
enables every man to have better
looking wife than any of his neigh
bors.
The wise man advertiseth his
wares in yc newspaper, the fool on tho
Carmine emblem of We sheriff. - White
hall Times.
When you come to think of it, II
was perfectly natural for the manager
of an umbrella company to decamp.
The umbrella is corrupting.
-Talmage says that men who
whistle can not have much evil in their
hearts. And we agree with him; the
evil is chiefly in their mouths. -New
Haven Nevs.
All who have been there will agree
with us that the biggest thing in this
world is the hole left in mans jaw
after back tooth has been extracted.
-LoWell Citizen.
An expert in Washington has dis
covered that the real geographical
center of the United States, including
Alaska is situated in the Pacific Ocean.
1875 miles from Cape Flattery.
"A suburban friend thus classifies
the passengers by the morning trains:
"First those who work, then those who
clerk, next those who flirt. and last
those who shirk. Boston Transcript.
john, l wish you would get me a
rawhide Or single. Iwant to spank
Willie" quoth St. Louis matron.
why not use my slipper, MaryP" 20.
only want to spank him; Idon't want
to crush him. Life.
"A poor teacher Of penmanship in
Xenia, O., has just fallen heir to
legacy of 1915. OOO This is but anoth-
er illustration of the great truth that
fortune comes to those who do write
Lo,DeW Citizen
"A staunch old deacon being asked
how it was that he allowed his daugh-
ter to marry a man who belonged to
denomination that he disliked, replied:
well, my friend, so far as I have been
able to discover, Cupid never studied
theology. IN Y. Ledger.
Wife (who believes in consistency
-"Ifsthe old Blue laws forbid kissing
ones wife and the selling Of intoxicat-
ing liquors on Sunday, why isn't the
former enforced as we'll as the latter7"
Husband because it isn't neces-
sary." -Harper's Bazaar.
First Domestic-"An' are We goin'
to leave that nice place We have. janet"
Second Domestic-.Yes, Mary. I've
given 'em warming" Il never heard
word agin them" mo. Mary, but
the mistress is SO perlite that I'm git
tin lazy" -On,aha World
-Attorney-"You may tell the court
whether you would believe the defend
ant under OATH" Witness-"W well.
now, Squire. let's start fair on this
thing. Would there be chance for
him to make any thing out of it, and
which side would the money be on. -
Pittsburgh Dispatch.
You are very late, DOCTOR" said
the sick man. feebly. II expected
you an hour ago. I am afraid the de-
lay may prove serious" Il am very
sorry" responded the physician, "but
got into an argument over the rela-
tive merits of the old and new schools
of medicine, and couldn't get away"
| IN Y Sun.
| The Great Virtue
| When Precipitation every pore
Beginneth to distill,
And going TO the oceans snoro
Is quite impossible,
And troublesome become the flies
II naught one else can do
Our patience we can exercise,
| And that will pull us through.
| Er~hnssn ne