The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-09-29
WIT AND HUMOR.

LoaoeH Citizen.
Some of the milkmen hang pals of
milk down the well to keep the milk
/ cool. Some of them use too much rope.
-Mtlaodubee Sentinel
| Citizen (to manager)-..How is
the third baseman's hand getting on?"
Manager (hopefully)-"Nicel He
thinks that by the end of the week he
will be able to draw his salary. lid
| Bits.
| Uncle John-''Why, my girl, you've
| grown like a cucumber vine! What
| progress are you making towards
matrimonyP" Clara-"W uncle,
Pm on my fifth lap."-Neso Harem
Meas.
Fond wife-'W ould you believe that
Mrs. Eccles. next door, speaks seven
languages?" Fond husband-"Cer-
tainly l would; she's got tongue
enough to speak tifty."-Harper's
Bazar.
Analysis has brought to light the
fact that ice-cream frequently con-
tains glue, But it never seem to hurt
the girls Somehow, it's always the
young men who get stuck WaShing-
ton Critsc.
George" she said, tenderly, ''do
you believe in the old saying, Out of
sight, out of mind?" well. no, not
altogether" responded George, hesi-
tatingly. For instance, take boil
on the back of ones neck.-NeU York
Sun.
Some stern moralists say, in re-
= g IT Ia
done, though the heavens fall!' and
then they sneak out of the way as if
they expected the heavens would fall
when justice got in its work.-NeU
Orleans Picaywne.
The blooming damsel who goes down
to the sea in the blush of early morn
ing for a dip in the surf is often work
of art. The realism comes as she
walks up the sands leaving red streak
behind her in the retreating billow.-
Memphis AUalanche.
How is Brown getting on, doctor,
any betterp 30, Brown has been up
and about for two weeks" Then
you don't go to see him any morep"
Don't |? | went to his office three
times to see him yesterday, and I'm on
NY way tASI Z now -ANtW LOIh toH|.
On the west porch. Mrs. Minzen-
| heimer-Mr. Minzenheimer, vot do you
tink? Rachel has been here three
seasons, ind don't vos married yet.
| Mr.. Minzenheimer (absent-mindedly)
Veil, my chilt, / tink wee will hef to
announce a mark-town sail-ain't itP
| IOa0n Topics.
Brown-Hello! Robinson, what's
your hurry? Robinson (out of breath)
Don't detain me; I've just heard that
my house is on fire. Brown-That's
too bad. | was going to ask you to
| have a drink. Robinson-Weu. I'll
go you one, but well have to be quick
| about it.-NeJO York Sun.
Magistrate-Have you no profession
OF calling of any kind, Uncle Rastus,
which you pursue? Uncle Rastus-
l hain't prezactly got no professhun,
| yo honah, but | has a calling, sah-
| yes, | has a calling. Magistrate
What is it? Uncle Rastus-De cha
coal calling, sab; has cha coal t SELL"
Hayper's Bazar.
| Judge (whc had invited an Alderman
| to sit beside him on the bench)-Mr
Alderman, do you think the prisoner
is guilty? just whisper your opinion
to me. Alderman-Judge, he is no
more guilty than l am. Judge (hesi-
| tating a few minutes, then aloud)-I
| shall sentence the prisoner to five
| years imprisonment.-Epoch.
MY DEAR" said husband, gently
rousing his wife-the lady was dan
gerously ill-''Mrs. De Hobson called
| little while ago and left her love and
| sympathy for you. She seemed deeply
affected" John" said the sick lady in
a very weak tone of voice, as she
slowly Enclosed her eyes, what did
she have on?"-NeW York Sun.
Il regard the use of beer as the true
temperance principle. When l work
| all day and am exhausted nothing
| helps me like glass of beer. 1t as
| sists nature, you understand" said
| RemsOn to Benson. ut makes a fool
of me" Benson replied. Just So" ex-
| claimed Remson, ''that's what say; it
assists nature. "-Scranton Truth.
Annette-''I have just been having
| delightful stroll with Harold. Can
anything be more poetical than a walk
in the moonlight" Jeanette Give
years older)-'poetical, no doubt,
Annette; but when you have had my
experience you will know that a dark
corner of the porch is equal to ten
moonlight nights. Philadelphia Call.
81 am going to have the Legislature
change my name to Notoriety," recent
| ly remarked a Franklin street girl
who had never had a chance to tell
her love. "A strange choice How
did that happen to strike your fancyP"
inquired one who overheard the de-
claration. 80 many men court
notoriety, you know. "-BufaIo En-
press.
1t is on the railroad trains that one
is most sure of hearing amusing things,
as witness the following fragment
overheard on an old Colony train re-
/ Gently: What town is this?" one
! passenger asked another This is
Quincy" What is there in Quincy"
"Weu there's some buried Adamses
but they're all dead just the same"
| -ProUidenee Journal.
| George" she said, as she suddenly
continued to sit in the sand, Il wonder
with what hopes ana fears and ambi-
lions and perhaps sorrow and tears
yonder gallant ship is freighted as she
sails swiftly on?" Il think you are
mistaken, Clara" said George tender
| ly; THAT is a three-masted schooner,
and think she is freighted with lum-
Der. "-Harper's Bazar.
That's right. little boy" said a
kindly old lady to a lad who was
trudging cheerfully along with slate
under his arm. Il like to see little
boys who are studious; and there's a
nickle for you. On your way to school?"
Nom" replied the boy, pocketing
the nickle. ''Me fodder keeps beer
saloon, an the old states busted Pm
takin' him new one."-Ne,o York
Sun.
my dear friend" said man, adj
| dressing an acnnaintainca ..whu dan 4