The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1887-12-01
How Stoves are Put Up.

This being the season of the year
when multitudes Of people are adjust
ing Their heating apparatus, preparing
for cold weather, some will recognize
their own experience In the following
amusing description from The Ameri-
can artisan of the way it is sometimes
done:
In the first place, the man puts on
an old and very ragged coat Then he
puts his hands inside the place where
the pipe ought to go, and blackens his
fingers, and then studiously makes a
black mark down the side of his nose.
Having got his nose properly frescocd,
the man grasps one side of the bottom
of the stove, and his wife and the hired
girl take hold of the other side. and in
this way the stove is started from the
woodshed to the parlor. In passing
through the door, the man carefully
swings his side of the stove around and
jams his thumb nail against the door
the proper place, and the man and his
wife and the hired girl set out in tr.-
angular search after the stove legs.
Two are finally found inside the stove,
where they have remained since Spring,
and the others are found hidden under
four tons of coal. Then the old man
holds up one side of the stove, while his
wife puts two of the legs in place; then
he holds up the other side, while the
other two are being adjusted, and one
of the first pair is displaced. The trick
of getting the four legs into their pro-
per place is practised with varying and
Indifferent results for some ten min
utes, and by this time the man gets ex-
cited and reckless, and throws off his
coat, regardless of the consequences.
Then the man goes for the stovepipe
and gets cinder in his eye. The
stove was put up in good shape last
year by the stove man but this year
the pipe proves 10 be little too long.
So the man jams his hat down over his
eyes, takes piece of pipe under each
arm, and starts for the tin shop to have
it fixed. Then he comes back, steps
his muddy boots into one of the best
parlor chairs to see if the pipe will fit,
when his wife makes him come down.
In the act of descending he plants his
foot square down on the hollow of the
cats back, and comes within an ace of
trampling the baby under foot. Then
the old man gets an old chair from the
kitchen and climbs up to the chimney
opening again, and makes the start
ling discovery that in cutting off the
end of the pipe, the timer had made
the pipe too large to enter the hole in
the chimney. So the man goes into
the backyard and splits one side of the
end of the pipe with an old Ak, and
squeezes it between his hands until he
makes it smaller
Then the man gets the pipe into
shape only to find that the stove does
not stand true. Then the man and his
wife and the hired girl move the stove
to the left, and the legs fall out again.
The legs are replaced and the stove
moved to the right, and there is anoth-
er seance with the legs Then the ell
bow is found not to be even with the
hole in the chimney. and the man goes
into the woodshed after some little
blocks Then the man and his wife
and the hired girl essay to put the
blocks under The legs, and the pipe
comes out of the chimney. The pipe |
is replaced in the chimney hole, when
the elbow commences TO topple over.
The mans wife is visibly agitated, and
the man gets the dinlng-table out OF
the kitchen and balances an old chair |
on it, and makes his wife hold the
chair while he performs acrobatic feats
on the grand combine in an effort to
drive some nails into the ceiling dur
ing which performance the man drops
the hammer down upon his wife's de-
voted head, and she surprises him with
a yell worthy the emulation of Com
anche Indian.
Finally the man completes the grand
act of driving the nails, constructs a
wide swing to hold the elbow in posi-
ton. hammers the pipe little on one
side and then a little on the other,
pulls one joint little here and pushes