Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1887-10-15
wITTICIsMs.

If a lawyer isn't all lies he can hardly be
said to be one Of truths allies. YoRkers
Gazette.
The archer a girl is the larger, as a rule,
is her assortment for beaGx.-BmiRgtoH
Free Press.
The elephant is very shy Of baggage
smashers. He always carries his own
trunk. burlington Free Press,
A man may be behind in his work and
still show push This is so if he is wheel
ing q barrow YORkers Salesman.
The earth is the Lords, but the Prohi-
bitionists affirm that the fullness thereof
is attributable to the other party.-De-
trst Free Press.
"Boston, I believe, is the capital of To
ronto," said an Euglishman to the editor
of the CRriStiaR Leader. II is this geo
GRAPHICAL exactness that makes Englishmen
at home the world oyer.-BOStoR Record.
Four-year-Old little Edith, after seeing
many red and brown and black partl-
culored COWS, suddenly noticed one that
wore an unbroken coat of white. "Oh, see
there!' she exclaimed, there's q COW they
didn't paintr'-Harper's Bdzar.
1t takes a Missouri journal to give a
commemorative opinion. We find IN q st.
Louis D the decision that 'if you are
4 married man your wife can compel you to
support her. II you are not, she can't"
PitSbErg Chronicle Telegraph.
Morning connubialites. Husband More
money, eh?-Same old story. You seem
determined to keep NY nose at the grind
stone.
Wife-Hump! | should think the grind
stone would be pretty red by this time
Omaha World.
mo, darling, said a Burlington mother
TO a sick child; 1.-THE doctor Gays mustn't
read to you"
Then, mamma begged the little one,
won't you please read to yourself out
loud?"-BUrliRgtoR Free Press.
Applicant-Can you assist me to a trite,
sir? am very poor.
Gentleman-have You no means of live
lihOOd?
Applicant-NO, sir. l am an expire
nominal base ball pitcher.-7td Bits.
Mrs. William Wright, of New Castle,
Ind recently gave birth to four children,
making in all q family of fourteen children,
including five pairs of twins. Let's see;
who was it said that he rather be Wright
than be President? We wouldn't.-NOr-
ristOuR Herald.
Mrs. Popipjay-Mr. POpiniay, do you
propose to put up that stove to-day, as
requested you?
Dir. P~opiniay-But, my dear, you know
Mrs. Popinjay-Mr PopiDiay, either put
up or shut up!-BUriiRgtOR Free Press.
"Did YOU know that n mule is a mighty
intelligent auimal?" said Smythe to
Browne.
"No."
"Well, he is"
How 90 you make it out?'
Look at the amount of brayin' work he
does. y Washington Critic.
Socialist-AmOug other things | am OPP
pOsed to the immigration of the Chinese.
Anti. Socialist-As you admit you won't
work, in what manner do they conflict
with you? "CcufOund them, they rob me
of a living" 'HOw?" by doing the
washing my wife used TO get."-BiRg-
hampton IN. ~ Republican.
DR.. SOonoyer ito a man with a swollen
jawl-Why do you come to me? Pm no
dentist. You should 90 to some regular
dentist.
Sufferer-I was going to a dentist, but
heard q great many people say If you treat
Ell = man he never bad any more aches and
pains; so / thought I'd come to you.-Terds
SlttiHgs.
The seats at the circus get narrower
every year" remarked a young lady in a
horse car the other evening. when was
told where to slt down there was no sign
of a seat anywhere, only the laps of two
gentlemen" Didn't you sit DOWN."
why, OF course" and there was a lapse
in the eonSersation.-Bgtai Courier.