The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1887-08-20
QUEER COUNTRY THIS.
Carl Dunder Jumps the Wrong Man
and Becomes Sick All Over.

and Becomes Sick All Over.
Sergeant, vhas some warrant oudt
to arrest mep" softly inquired Carl
Dunder, as he tip-toed into the Wood
bridge street station house.
mot that know of-why?" replied
Sergeant Bendal.
"Vhell, two or three days ago a
strange man comes in my place. Was
L Carl Dunder? vhas All right.
Mr.. Dunder l vhas of the Board Of
Health, und like to look in your cell
lar for dead rats und cholera. Dot
seems all right to me, und so l light
der candle und he goes doun. He vhas
gone long time, und when he comes
oop he says dot cellar vhas all right.
lie vhas in New York, Chicago, Toledo
und odder places, und he neafer see
sooch clean place"
''Some swindler, of course"
"Vhell, in der afternoons anodder
mans vhalks in on me. Was 1 Carl
Dunder? l vhas. All right. Mr..
Dunder, vhas dot sewer in your cellar
all right? If he Wasn't, dot sewer
gas fills der whole place und you vhss
taken to der bone-yard. Dot seems all
right, and let him go down. He vhas
gone a good while, und when he comes
oop he says he vhas in Buffalo, Cincin-
natl, Syracuse und Baltimore, und he
neafer see sooch a sewer before.
He was another swindler."
"Vhell, dis morning the third man
comes in. Was l Carl Dunder? l
yhas. All right. Mr.. Dunder, | vhas
der Fire Commission. Maybe your
cellar vhas all right if you vhas cut off
by fire, und maybe she needs some fire.
e4apes. Please light dot candle und
shall see. He vhas gone twenty min
utes, und when he comes oop he wipes
off his shin nit his elbow. Dot put
some ideas in my headt, but he says he
vhas in Kansas City, Omaha, Milwau-
kee and st. Paul and he neafer saw
cellar fixed oop like mine. In case of
fire he could slump out like a rabbit"
what a greenhorn you are!'
"Vhell, maybe l vhas. L 90 down
cellar poorly quick to look aroundt, und
find dot dose fellers drink three bot
ties of my wine und shteal some more.
Dot vhas a game on me, sergeant"
"Of course it was"
"Vhell, l made oop my mind dot der
next Teller pays for all. Shust after
dinner he comes in. He vhas sweet
und SMILING. Was l Carl Dunder?
| vhas. All right. Mr.. Dunder l like
to 60 down cellar to see your -"
"What?n
"Shust aboudt dot time I shump for
him, und in two minutes he vhas
pulverized. 1 make mop of him,
und | smash two tables nit his heels.
He crawls out doors after awhile, und
when he vhas gone half an hour my
telephone rings. Hello! Was dis Carl
Dunder? He vhas. Well, Mr.. Dunder,
you hat almost killed der mans we sent
to read your gas meter und she Will
cost you fife hoonered dollar to SETTLE"
mo! And you pounded the wrong
man?"
"Vhell, how can I help it? One day
a false eXpressman brings me shtone
in package und collects eighty cents.
Der next day anodder man brings me
package, und after | lick him l find she
vhas q bundle from der shtore One
man comes in und collects money to
build shurch. He vhas a shwinder,
und l look oudt l gift der next man
some awful kicks, und he proofs dot he
vhas Il preacher. You see, it vhas all
because nopody vhas like himself two
times. Sergeantr'
well"
81 vhas going home und go to bedt.
Ivhas seek all oafer. If ten hoonered
men come to shwindle me it vhas all
right und I doan' say word. If you
ring oop my telephone tonight und
vhas hanged by der neck in de wood
shed you can say dot died because OF
seech queer country. "-Detroit Free
Press