Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-06-15
= SARDINE S STORY.
A Commercial Fraud Exposed in Novel
and Amusing Way.

ana AmGSIng way.
was in first-class restaurant dim
ing with a friend, and feeling in gen.
erous mood, called for box of sar-
dimes.
''Mind, now,' I said to the waiter,
81 want the genuine article-none of
the down East imitation"
= every we'll"
He disappeared and soon returned,
bringing what seemed to be the real
thing called for, picked up our check,
replaced it with one calling for fifty
cents more, smiled and retired.
"Ah!" I said, tipping back the lid,
which had been skillfully opened by the
waiter, ''here is food fit for king.
Look" I added, turning the box about
so that my companion could read the
legend neatly inscribed on the gilt band
encircling the sardine box-a Ihuille
d olive-''no imitation about that, eh?
Try one"
My friend thrust his glittering fork
into one of the tempting morsels, when,
to the astonishment of both of us, it
began to work its gills and wiggle its
fins and tail. It's eyes snapped vicious
ly. My friend was about to drop his
fork in amazement, believing the fish
to be bewitched, when, to our wonder,
it suddenly spoke out in low but in
telligible voice:
81 am no sardine."
''What are you?' | asked excitedly.
''Only a herring, harmless little
herring" it replied innocently.' II never
saw France; l don't even understand
the language of the label on the box
that recently contained me; I don't
even know what an olive is, but if you
want any information about cotton
seed you can consider me an author
ity."
By this time my friend had some
what recovered his self-possession, and,
laying the talking fish tenderly upon
the plate, waved his hand and said, in
an interested way: $50 on; you seem
to be quite entertaining.
Entertaining? o, no. replied the
little herring, with difident look;
''not at all; never had a college edu-
cation; if I had might not have been
boxed up here with my unfortunate
friends, but might have been editing a
grocery journal, exposing canned
goods, frauds and other abuses. No, I
am only little herring-a very small
fish from the coast of Maine
"From Maine?"
Eyes, Maine. [ would not have to
be naturalized even to vote, but then,
you see, there aren't many people who
know the difference. There's many a
young fellow in this country who cuts
off his horses tail, drives and talks
English, who would pass for genuine
cockney in Zululand. Yes, | am
down East Yankee from Eastport."
''EastportP" [ calculated
Eyes, close to Canada, where a good
many so-called sardines would like to
be in certain emergencies. / wish [
was back there to-day frisking in my
native element; out I am doomed, it
seems, to not only be deyoured by our
good friend here, but to tickle his pail
ate as [ go down with a genuine sar-
dine flavor. No, l am no sardine. I
am only q herring, a harmless little
herring from Maine
We were fast growing interested.
''You see," continued our fshy little
friend, ''some smart fellows down East
found out by experiments how they
would make me taste so much like the
real French article that no American
could tell the difference, so they went
into the business on a large scale. The
cotton-fields Of the South furnished the
seed-this makes the oil in which we
are boiled, spiced and made to taste so
delicious. Take nip at me! There
now, you would not dream that you had
the taste of cotton in your mouth,
would you? But it's there, all the
same? No l'huiIle d'olive only
cotton-seed oil and harmless little her
ring.
money in us? Yes, [ should think
SO. Let me see; we cost five cents a
box-a whole box of us, just think!
The packer sells us at a profit of from
five to seven cents, the retailer sells us
at about thirty cents, and by the time
we get to you on the restaurant table
we are worth fifty cents. Not bad for
a poor little Yankee herring, is it?
And the a Phuille de cotton in which
we are immersed is none the best
either. ~ Grocers Criterion.
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