Western Kansas world., 1887-12-10

eA1AA AxSAS 1V4N1o
THE lay Of the land-Hail Columlyia
Do You suppose the clock feels any
richer after it has made ten-strike7
In these days the preserving house
keeper has good deal to put up with.
A LITTLE knowledge is . dangerous
thing, particularly if it happens to be
on the subject of the fashions.
"OUR ice is going off like hot cakes,
says an ice dealer. Hot cakes of ice
must be something of a novelty.-Teras
SJtings.
A MONTANA man won his seventh
spouse in game Of old sledge, and
their seven-'uptials were celebrated ct
once.-Te1as SJtings.
THERE'S one good point about the
hornet. When he comes to see you on
business he doesn't try to lead up to the
subject by slow degrees.
AN absent : minded Pittsburgh
preacher remarked in eulogy from his
pulpit last Sunday that "Death loves
mining shark" Thereupon, four stock
brokers and man with brother in
Colorado got up and left the sacred
building.
CONDUCTOR" said passenger on o
southern railroad, "my hat has blown
out of the window" "How long ago."
about ten minutes" "WelI," said the
conductor, pulling the rope, "I'll back
up for it; but it's lucky for you you
spoke in time"
STUCKoNHMsELF-Y Ye know, Miss
Bluff. it's these swells that make peo-
pie sick at sea- Miss Bluff (who is very
much interested in thrilling novel D.
don't know as they are particularly
bad at sea; they have the same effect
on me anywhere.
"WHAT makes you look so pale?"
"Nothing-that is, I have just had an
interview with that auburn-haired
young lady in the next block" "Don't
understand. "Why, haven't you heard
that white toss always accompanies Q
red headed girl?" - Boston Tran
script.
Ina Chicago Court: Prosecuting Law
yer (referring to prisoner r)-And, your
honor, I am forced to say that this man
is an enemy to mankind. Judge
Hold on moment. An enemy to man
kind. Go prisoner) How long have
you been q coal dealer ?"-ArkansaaU
TraUeler.
BRowN-We1l, sir, I don't believe I
ever enjoyed excursions 80 much as /
have this season. Smith-Were the
objective points unusually interesting,
or do you attribute it to the company
you were in? Neither. I guess. /
staid at home. - Binghanlpton Re-
publican.
"JoHN," said his wife, "don't you
spend more than you ought for lunches
down town? I can't understand how it
is that the money slips away as it does J"
"No, m dear, I eat (hic) free-lunch
nearly ev'ry day." "Well, wish you
would give up free-lunches, John.
They cost you more than we can afford. !"
-Neao York San.
HOUSEWIFE Ito new domestic There
is one thing I wish to say to you. The
last girl had habit of coming into the
parlor and playing the piano occa-
sionally. You never play the piano do
you? New domestic-Yis, mum,
plays, but I'll have to charge yer dol
lar week aixtry if I'm to furnish mu-
sic for the family.-Tid-Bits.
"WaAT is that, mother?-
@The rink, my child;
The year it was built all the people went wild.
They crowded its walls. and to music's glad
sound
On furniture castors they slid themselves round
But the Fool-killer came, with his two-handed
club,
And he smote all the sliders, from graybeard to
cub;
And the building so silent is used, as you see,
BY the Mourners Embalming and Shroud COM
pany.
-Burdette.
NOTED Congressman-What are you
crying about? Little Son-I haven't
any cake. "But, didn't you eat it?"
eyes, father" "Well, you can't eat
your cake and have it too. I can't see
why you should be such fool" Phil
osophic Friend-I can. He is the son
of man who thinks the people can
lock up their money in the United
States Treasury vaults and have it in
circulation too.-OmnhG World.