St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1887-09-18
BOB BURDETTE.
Sayings Of the Brooklyn Eagle
HumOriSt.
TOO MUCH COMPETITION.

TOO MUCH COMPETITION.
"Terrible storm that, last evening,
George" Didn't hear it, old man."
didn't hear it? Man alive. it thnn-
dered fit to wake the dead!'' ''Ha,
thought 1 saw lightning, but l didn't
hear any thunder. An old schOOlmate
of my wife is visiting her, and they
haven't seen each other for ten years."
AT THE PARSONAGE.
Servant, to the parSOn, who is very i'll
indeed: IL you please, sir, the Choir
lister is down stairs and wants to know
if you wont give him the hymns for
next Sundays service" ParSOn, feebly:
Tell him there will be no service; |
expect to be dead before next Sunday"
Servant, exit and re-enter: ''If you
please, he says then will you be kind
enough to send down the hymns you'd
like sung at the funeral?" ParS0n re-
covers much more rapidly than Choir
iSter).
THE VETERAN.
81 was the last man on the field at
Chickamauga, said the old soldier,
proudly ''That SOP" asked the host;
retired like wounded lion, eh?'
Not exactly that" said the veteran.
The fight had been over two weeks be-
fore l got there"
MADE DESPERATE BY HUNGER,
A well known and trusty citizen of
Citra, Fla, saw large alligator come
out of the water, dash among a drove of
hogs, take the best one in the lot and
eat him. The rest of the hogs then raj
lied, attacked the alligator, killed him
and ate him. That the hogs should eat
the alligator is not at all matter for
! surprise, but any man who has seen
Flo ida hog can realize to what fren-
Zied pitci, of starving desperation the
alligator must 1osIe been wrought
OUT ON sTInl.T.
There is a tree in Calaveras county.
Cal, over $500 years old. Huh? Whicns
''Planted by Susan Anthony, eh?" Tia,
ha! Pretty good. Did you get that up
all by yourself? 1t is original, is it?
Then by the beard of Father Time,
we have you! You're the man who
planted that tree! Now yield thee,
villain, and confess!
NO GOOD PRINCEY.
In one day last week, in the same is
sue of the same paper, there appeared
two very suggestive cablegramS from
England. One said s.The Prince of
Wales is suffering from his chronic com
plant, lack of money. He is hard up"
The other one said; 1.-The Prince of
Wales is DESTROYS of meeting Mr.. Blaine,
and has asked the American min
lister to bring HIM to Marlborough
gOin' to fish in that. hole is he? Mr..
Blaine, remember the legends in the
stations on the Maine Central: do not
lend money to strangers" "DO not cash
checks OF change large bills for
stragers." The Prince of Wales must
indeed be on short commons: his moth
er claims she is out two hobs and tam
| ner on jubilee expenses, and the whole
Guelph family is expected to get along
without girl the rest of the summer.
TAKING CARE OF HIMSELF.
A son of Neptune, who sails the
ocean blue on the good ship EarnmOOr,
ship was in quarantine the laZarette
physician ordered the crew vaccinated.
One sailor refused to submit on the
ground that it was barbarouS outrage
to deface the human form divine, and
he would not have his person so
married.
They insisted: he resisted; he whip
| ped four men, but at last they got him
in prison and tied him down. and he be-
sought the doctor with tears in his eyes
| to yaccinate him where it wouldn't
show. In searching for quiet, retired
| spot, not already pre-empted, they
found tattoed on the tar's broad breast,
in red and blue, ship under full sail;
the Goddess of Liberty on his right arm;
| the American coat-of-armS and girl on
his left: foul anchor over his heart;
the American flag ON his back; the
signs of the zodiac around his waist and
the rest of his cuticuiar territory
| spangled with stars, creScents, anchors
and mermaids. The doctor vaccinated
the sensitive son of the sea on the end
of his nose, the only bare place he could
| find.
| GOOD AS WHEAT.
ibid you see Time q Tide about that
account?" Eyes, sir" "Did you tell
them we couldn't and wouldn't wait
| day longer about it?'' Eyes, sir" ''WhO
did you see and what did they say?"
'Oh. it's all right; its all right. saw
Mr.. Time.n ibid he say he would pay
it?'' Eyes, sir; he didn't question the
bill at all; he was perfectly satisfied
and said right away that they would pay
it." Him; | was afraid they'd kick
like steers. When will he pay, did he
say?" Collector looks through his men,
orandum book carefully. 1--WE got it
down here somewhere; oh, yes, here it
is; when he gets mighty good
ready"
l. HEarrIrzr nrrAr vracn