Omaha daily bee., 1887-03-20
in THE LIGHTER VEIN.

AAs = - ~ ArAosh nav bAkNs
A NEW anti.fat medicine company has Of
fered Sara Bernhardt handsome sum for
testimonial.
THE beautiful adage ''let the man without
sin heave the first BOULDER" receives but lit
tie consideration these times,
Miss KATE FIELD says "women are like
sheep" Charming Kate may be correct vet
we fail to remember Of ever seeing q sheep
chew gum all day.
THAT patriotic air, Yankee DOODLE used
TO cause the fires of patriotism to glow and
burn, but in these more degenerate days 1t
seems that the Yankees Doodle works up the
same feeling.
AN EASTERN paper says "Miss Susan b.
Anthony is hugging a delusion." 1t is i'm
polite for anyone to criticise q woman of
Miss Anthony's age. She certainly has a
right to hug something.
THE report comes in of an Ohio man, who,
whenever he made an enemy sought revenge
by drinking him to death. 1t Is hardly pos
sible that hatred could be coupled with such
beautiful plan Of annihilation.
A SNAKE measuring 4s7 feet, with eyes like
two eight dynamo electric plants and three
months gas bill, was recently seen in the
neighborhood of Springfield, Mo. 1t was
constructed In the latest Queen Anne style.
having brass tipped lightning rods every hun
dred feet down its spinal column. Thirteen
men and seven trained dogs started in pur-
suit. Just as we are going to press all the
dogs have been devoured by the serpent, as
| have also six of the men-the last man sit
ho ;n% ~ <ha I;.,bt INT; rNJ
wildly and madly waving signal of dis
tress. Six women are in pursuit. The above
is the style and manner in which snake sto-
ries will appear this season.
SPRING, sweet, balmy spring Is here. 1t
came in the darkness of dey this week, and
| will cont inue three months toward eternity.
1t is a time when the birds sing, the sun
shines, and nature buds In her grandest
glory and the air is filed with the sweet odor
of vernal bloom. 1t is time Tor fasting and
for prayer. 1t is the time when the good
wife, with an eagerness and strength resem-
bling only cyclone, throws everything in
the house in a pile of disturbed grandeur,
and scrubs, and sweeps and papers, and
scours, and plans for the next house-clean-
ing time along in the fall. The husband
grows weary and sick at heart. He yearns
| w NctO SOIlC VI tho Dilo thio LCuoNdtlOu
wolves, but the determined woman says it
must not be. The ceiling must be decorated.
The house must be newly painted. The
window broken by the white-haired, laugh
ing boy in playing game of "boot-jack lew
with his little sister must be replaced, while
the friendly bolster that through the long
winter months kept out the erstwhile inqus-
tive winters wind is laid back for a similar
contingency and marked future reference u
AS the wife proudly orders the servants
around, and the husband comes to his dinner
and finds the table empty and upside down
in the back yard, he murmurs only to him
self and departs in silence. The hired gir
is in the back yard, too. administering cold
death to the tickle bedbug, and the scene is
one OF grandeur, but not OF JOY. In his day
dreams proud man may live In an idea
world and fondly imagine that he is master
of many, but cruel realization robs from hin
the glory, and for at least three days in thi.
sweet springtime the good wife reigns su
| preme.