News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-04-21
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
No End to the Good Advice in Store
for Members.
from the Detroit Free Press.1

Previous to the opening of the meet
ing Brother Gardiner, Sir Isaac Walpole
and Waydown Bebee were seen in ear
! nest conversation around the President Is
desk, and when the triangle sounded it
was pretty well understood throughout
! the room that some matter of gravest
Importance was on the tapis. One indi-
vidual seemed to feel even more than a
lively curiosity. This was Brother Pro
cess Davis, a member of about six
months standing. He jammed himself
! into corner and tried to appear as
small as possible, and when inquiries
were made about his sore heel he let on
that he had an awful toothache and
didn't want to talk Scarcely had the
meeting opened when he was called to
appear at the Presidents desk. The
look of terror which came to his face as
| he rose up proved that he regarded the
matter in very serious light, and he
| shufded up the aisle like one going to
| execution.
'Brudder Process Davis" said the
President in very solemn tones, sat one of
our weekly meetins last fall, an as We
war about to disperse to our homes, Sir
Isaac Walpole diskbered dat his UNI
breller was missin'. 1t was an umbrel-
ler wild white bone handle, an it was
an heirloom in his family. His gram
fadder had walked under dat umbreller,
an it had kept de rain off his fadder,
an he himself had owned it fur nigh
upon thirty Vars. 1t had been left in
de kyars an on steamboats,, an on de
front doah steps, an nobody had took
it. He had brung it down heah 200
times, an it war allus waitin' fur him
when he got ready to go home. At las
some one stole it-some human hyena
laid his desecrated paws on dat sacred
rclick and bore it off. We made ebery
effort to find it, but de hunt was in vain.
Den we settled down to wait fur Justice.
She neber sleeps. She sometimes does
a good deal of foolin' around, an dar am
sometimes mighty long wait between
de acks, but she nebber sleeps. She
didn't go to sleep dis time. She war
lookin fur you, an yesterday she ober
hauled you. You had Sir Isaac's UNI
breller under yer arm. Here am de
ibin' proof to convict you! You ar de
hyena who stole it, an you ar now befo'
de bar of Justice! Prisoner, how do you
plead2"
Process stood there with his mouth
open and could not reply. The sudden
shock seemed to have paralyzed him.
His gnilt was as plain as the hind but
tons on coat.
''De pusson who will steal an umbrel-
Ter Under a,,v cirelimSsaItces, +" continued
the President, "deserves condine pun
ishment. In dis case you stole it from
q fellow member of a society, an you
added de sin of lynn to your crime
Your name will be crossed off our book,
an you Will enter dis hall no more for
eber. De carryin' out of de rest of de
sentence am left to Givadam Jones and
Hercules johnson"
The prisoner was removed to the ante
room, and about a minute later Paradise
Hall was shaken from roof to cellar.
This was followed by o humping sound
on the stairs leading to the alley, and
this again by the sound of feet making
rush for life. Brother Process Davis
will doubtless remain in Canada during
the rest of his life
The Rev. PenstOck sent to the Secre-
tary's desk a copy of New York paper
in which reference was made to ga kinky-
haired citizen of off-color," and at the
same time submitted a resolution to the
effect that the Lime-Kiln Club branded
such reference as false, malicious and
unworthy of the intelligence of the nine
teenth century.
'Brudder Penstock, it seems to me
you is maxim powerful fuss ober a
very small matter" observed the Presi
dent.
'It's an outrage, sah-a fiendish out
rage!" exclaimed Penstock.
81 can't see it in dat light. In de fust
place, our h'ar kinks. It's unfortunate
fur us, p'raps, but its fackt dat can't
be got ober. In de next place, if we
amt off euler what dye call it3 I'd be
white if 1 could, but 1 can't, an long
ago stopped tryin' to sandpaper de black
off. While dat noose-paper hasn't SLAM
dered us tall, an while your resolution
as it stands am declar'd outer order, I'm
willin' to declar' de language uncalled
fur an in poo taste.
Penstock growled around for awhile
and then accepted the partial compensa-
tion and sat down.