davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06
HUMOROUS.

Chickens and farmers agree in wishing for full crops.
 The buckwheat cake when crushed and battered is sure to rise again.
 The tailor may not make the man, but he has consid erable influence in shaping him.
 Doctors who can speak only one Ian guagc seem to understand great many different tongues.
 The way Pat accounts for his sleeping very soundly was: "Whin I goes to slape, lpays attention to it."
 One of the most forcible stump ora tors that ever took the field is the farmer whose plough strikes stump.
 ''Marriagc should be made moro diff cult" says philosopher who evidently hasn't priced any spring bonnets lately.
 Tho man who can rise superior to ad- verse circumstances is hero. Remem- Der this when your trousers bag at the knee.
 Tho Emperor William of Germany ia the tallcst monarch, being just six feet. The defunct King of Bavaria was the t'shortest," being in debt several million dollars.
 Thus far nothing has been produced that will make woman quite so mad, as to have her clothes line break and let her whole weeks washing down ip tho mud. ~ Nothing suggests the arrival of the millennium more forcibly than the sight of an old tom cat sleeping peaceably by the fire. .place with its head resting on boot-jack.
 A foreign lady, who had become used to the English language, was invited to partako of some oysters. ''Oh, thank you" she replied. "A little of the juice, please; none of the beasts"
 A theatrical manager lately deceased left the following memorandum in his note book: 'Tn all my forty years' ex- perience never knew prima donna to be sick or have cold on the day she was to have benefit"
 Smith--Who is that gentleman you were talking with just now9 Brown He claims to be titled foreigner of dis tinguishcd family, but I doubt it. Smith --Why3 Brown Because he didn't ask mo to lend him any money. Wife-''Got dollar7" Husband "Whcrc's that last dollar gave youT 'Gonc." 'I thought told you to make it go as fa, as you could." 1 did," "Doesn't look like it." ''Well, I did; sent it to the Fiji Island hcathen."
 A story is told of the importance with which the condition of the sultan oi Turkey is viewed by his people. A Turkish journal gravely printed one morning: "His majesty is slightly in- disposed, having been bitten by mos quito last night"
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06
Marking the Frontier.

The frontier between Germany and France is more distinctly marked than that of any other two countries. The line is so arranged that it crosses every road at right angles. On the German side is large post 12 feet high, painted like barber's pole, red, black and white, with crosspiece at the top, with the word, in black letters on a white ground, ''granzo' (boundary), with an exclama- tion mark. Dlagonally opposite is cast-iron post 12 feet high, whereon is painted in gray on an iron crosspiece the word 'frontiere." These posts are only placed on roads and railways. The line is indicated ''across country by stone blocks projecting about foot above the ground at intervals of 50 yards. On the French side of the block is cut with a ohisel the letter "F," on the German side is the letter ID" for
 sus1slland."
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06
"Who Bids2"

Sixty years ago it was the custom to sell the public lands on credit to actual settlers, who agreed to pay a stipulated sum at designated times. If the pur- chaser failed to make payment at the appointed time, the land was forfeited to the government evcl if partly paid for. The enforcement of the contract by the government sometimes caused great distress to the settlers, when, through the failure of their crops, they had become unable to meet their obli- gations. s.s.
 Gen. James Findlay, at one time tho receiver of the district land office in Ohio, endeared himself to the farmers by the way in which he conducted the sales of forfeited lands. Mir. Poore, who tells in his "Reminiscences" an anecdote illustrative of the generals genial policy, represents him as a gentleman of the old school, with bluff manner and Q cor pulent person, which he dressed in the aristocratic blue and bluff. -
 During one season of hard times, many farms in Ohio but partly paid for were forfeited to the government and adver- tised for sale. General Findlay, in the discharge of his official duty, attended the place or sale and learned that specu. lators were present prepared to purchase these lands.
 Mounting stump, the general opened the sale by designating tho forfeited lands and announcing that they would Dc sold to the highest bidder.
 The original purchasers, he said, were honest men, who had failed to meet their engagements by reason of the hard times. It was hard for them to be thus forced from homes they had partly paid for, but tho law was imperative, and the lands must be offered.
 "And now," he continued, q trust that there is no gentlcman-no, I will not say that; hope there is no rascal here so mean as to buy his ncighbor' 8 homo over his head. Gentlemen, offer this lot for sale. Who bids2"
 There was no forfeited land sold that day. Youths Companion.
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06
sT tell you what Martin, that girl is 6 pearl of great price, and always said

'I tell you what Martin, that girl isS g pearl of great price, and I always said so."
 No sooner was Reed Webb left alone with Hilda th,n he spoke out what was iu his heart.
 ''Hilda," he said, resolutely, "you must come back. You can't live there in the great wilderness of bricks and mortar, and I can't live here without you. The farm is paying for itself now. can give my wife comfortable home |; and my wife's mother also. Dear little Hilla, say that you will be mine."
 Hilda burst out into sudden gust of tears and sobs. N
 "Oh, Reed," she cried, Eff you knew how often I have dreamed of coming back here-if you knew how homesick l have been"
 ''say heartsick, Hilda," he prompted, if you want to make me happyw
 And, smiling through her tears, she repeated the word. . "Yes, heartsick, Reed"
 "You will come back home, then, Hilda9
 sI willi'
 And by the time that the old horse was at the door for the seven- thirty y-train, the question was settled.
 Reed himself took Hilda back to the city flat, and there pleaded his cause with Mrs. Murray. e.
 Tt must be as Hilda decides" de clared the old lady, with dignity suAi- cient for crown princess. ''Though there is no doubt but that she could make brilliant match in New York;
 'Mother!" urged Hilda, piteously.
 ''Stil," went on Mrs. Murray, e would not oppose her affections; and il you think, Reed, that you can make he, happy at Wolf's Corners-"
 'T will do my best!' assented Reed, fervently.
 '1n that case" said Mrs. Murray, ''sht is yours!"
 And she never knew, the poor ole lady, the whole story of MT. Dulany's riding-school, and Hilda's innocent net work of harmless deceit.
 'Tt was fraud!' Hilda always de- clared.
 "Yes," her husband admitted, t'but it was pious one!'-[ Saturday Night.
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06

According to writer in the St. Louis Globe-Democrat peculiar system of railway charges is in vogue in California. He says: 'I discovered that in the local travel the railroads have three classes of coaches, with dress as distinction. l was rather roughly clad after my noun tain trip, and, approaching the ticket seller's window, laid down twenty dollar gold piece. First, second or third classr was asked, and I replied that usually travelled first class. He surveyed me and then remarked that I'd have to go second class or not at all. It did memo good to object. either. l found first class to mean elegant coaches, where well-dressed people only were all lowed; second class for men of ordinary or rough dress, and third class for Chinamen and negroes"
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06
A Land of Cathedrals.

saw dozen of the 35 cathedrals of England, said Chauncey M. Depew in his recent lecture. They average 800 years of age. Each has its own dis tinctive style of architecture, and they combine all we know of that grand art. Their builders and designers are gone, forgotten and unknown, but they mark that era in the history of the race when the Church of Christ saved humanity from slav-ry and bestiality under the heel of tyrant kings and robber nobles. remember as l sat during service one Sunday in Rosslyn chapel, near Edin- burgh, wondering at tho skill which amidst tho rude and almost savage bar barism of the twelfth century could have fashioned the graceful arches, the superb and lavish carving, the delicate handiwork everywhere visible in this most exquisite poem in stone of tho middle ages. As the rector was preach ing the thinnest and leanest sermon l ever heard, became rapt in contempla- tion of that wondrous pillar, known as the Apprentices Filler, which in forest of pliers stands alone in the curves, the spiral and serpent-like coils which give such remarkable beauty, and thought of the poor apprentice genius who fash. toned it while his master was at Rome studying a model, and when the master returned and saw this creation, so much finer than any he had found abroad, in a fit of jealous rage he crushed the ap- prentice's skull with his hammer.
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06
Weather ErrOrS.

Few erroneous notions are spread so readily and cling so tenaciously as those respecting the weather. In noticing common errors of this kind, Prof. Clcve- land Abbe, the distinguished meteorolo- gist, urges attention to these facts: That while the moon might we'll be ex- pected to influence our weather, scientific evidence shows that it docs not; that there is no sound reason for believing that sunspots have any apprcciable effect in producing storms, or other local changes; that animal instinct ranks greatly below human intelligence as Q guide to future weather; that the indi- cations furnished by plants arc due to the hydroscopic condition of the air, as are also other ''signs," and arc less deli. cate and reliable than the accurate in- strumcntal tests of metcorologists; that electricity and ozone do not produce the effects often inscribed to them; that thunder storms do not cool the air, but the cool thrush results, like the storm, from tho rise of hot air--at least in many cases; that it has not yet been proven that the removal of forests and the extension of railroads and tele- graphs have influenced our climate i; that the weather is materially the same as in cld-fashioned times, scientific records disprovny the faulty recollec- tions of tic oldest inhabitant; and that severe storms are no more liable to oc- cur at the date of the cquinoxes, or on certain days of the week or month, than at other times. --[ Arkansaw Traveller.
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06

In blissful ignorance thatthe peacock was esteemed famous dinner dainty by ancient epicures long before Paris itself was famous, correspondent in Paris writes thus:, sThe most novel feature of the entertainment was the appearance of a roasted peacock, decked in all it's feathers, 8 beautiful and decorative ob- ject to look at as we'll as very delic- ious bird to eat. The introduction of the peacock as the course of game at grand dinner parties is the newest feat uresof>the season. and one can only won- der'why- fowl of such delicate flesh, as we'll as of such superb plumase, should have been so long neglected by gour- mauds.
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06
Spurious Ancient Arm0r.

While speaking of ancient swords we were informed that large trade is done in spurious armor and weapons. Ger many is the centre of manufacture, and the existence of genuine medieval castles furnishes the means in many cases of effecting the fraud. The deal- CTS secure an old building, fit up cham Der with spurious antique armor and weapons, and have the whole photo- graphed. The pictures are forwarded to wealthy collectors, who are often de ceived by the genuineness of the sur roundings and become purchasers of absolute rubbish. The profits are large, and the trade is profitable one, and so it thrives. - Pall Mall Gazette.
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06
Passports.

The State Department derives reve- nue of about $40, 900 annually from the sale of passports 10 Americans desiring to go abroad. The gentleman in charge of this work -.is known as the passport clerk. He requires you to state your age, residence, height, color of your hair and eyes and other personal characteristics until, when tho list is completed, you find he has drawn an excellent pen DOT. trait of yourself. You then swear to the correctness of the statement, pay him 50 to blnd the bargain, and are given for midablc looking document, which re- mains in force two years, and without which it is inconvenient to travel in any part of Continental Europe or Cuba. The demand for passports usually begins about this time of the year and continues uninterruptedly until the middle of the summer. Then the clerks labors tighten materially until the next spring rolls around. Five-eighths of all the pass ports issued are granted to people desir- ing to visit Germany. About one eighth of tho entire number arc used in Cuba, and the remainder in Russia, Italy and Austria.
 New York heads the list of cities making the largest application for pass ports. Chicago follows next, with Bos- ton third and Cincinnati fourth. In proportion to her population, however, Key West, Fla, makes a greater demand for these passports than all these cities combined. This is owing to her prox- imity to Cuba and the fact so many na- lives of that island are residents of Florida's principal seaport. -[Nrw York Herald.
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06

A little Swiss Canton with socialistic tendencies has lately adopted law of free burial, by which the state is the chief patron and employers of the under takers. Two purveyors of collins are elected in each district. All orders are sent to one during the first six months of the year and to tho other during the remaining six months. The collins are delivered gratuitously. Notwithstand- ing the efforts of the goyernmsnt to be fair, the greatest complaint and dissatis- faction have arisen. One coffin-maker has twice as many orders as his col league, and private families are not satis- fsed l- - -e N ---= --- 3
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06
Only Q Song.

 It was only a simple ballad, Sung to a careless throng; There was mono that knew the singer, And few that needed the song; Yet the singers voice was tender And sweet as with love untold; Surely those hearts were hardened That it left 30 proud and cold. She sang of the wondrous glory That touches the woods in spring; Of the strange, soul-stirring voices When 1.-the hills break forth and sing;;" Ofthe happy birds joy warbltng The requiem of the day, ..... And the quiet hush of the valleys In the dusk of the gloaming gray. And one in a distant corner A woman worn with strife Heard in that song a message From the springtime of her life. Fair forms rose up before her From mist of vanished years; She sat in happy blindness,
 Her eyes were yelled in tears Then when the song was ended, And hushed the last sweet tone, The listener rose up softly
 And went on her way alone. Once more to her life of labor
 She pauses, but her heart was strong, And she prayed, God bless the singerl And oh, thank God for the songp
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06

A statement has recently heen made that cottonseed oil is largely used in the adulteration of lard, thus increasing the apparent product of the latter article amazingly. Hence the sarcastic remark by the St. Louis Republican that ia Chicago paper now understands a mys- tery which has for several years baffied its attempts to master the Chicago trade reports, viz:- How comparison of the hog-packing statistics with the reported receipts and shipments of lard called for an average of fifty pounds of lard for every hog slaughtered, when the actual amount yielded by animal is only half that much. It is all plain now. The other half is cottonseed oil."
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06
The Fate of Old Saws.

A cart, heavily laden with a peculiar and apparently miscellaneous assortment of rubbish, was making the way labo- riously through west side street the other day when it attracted the atten- tion of an inquisitive passer-by. A closer investigation disclosed the fact that the rubbish consisted of broken, distorted and worn out saws of every description from the cumbersome cross cut saw of the lumberman to the finest and most fragile of the cabinet makers instruments
 ''What do you do with this stuffp' was asked of the good-natured driver who sat on his lofty perch in imminent danger of being bisected by the teeth of a villainous looking ':cross-cut'' behind him. ,.-
 "Come along, and I'll show you," he replied.
 The stranger mounted the wagon and was driven a short distance to large manufactory not far distant, which be- longs to well-known Fulton street firm. The so-called rubbish was dumped into the yard, and after being quickly as- sorted by workmen was carried into the building.
 The mystery of the proceedings was then explained by the superinten dent as follows:
 ''This apparently worthless collection of refuse," said he, ''has a value beyond calculation. These old pieces of steel, which have done years of duty in the carpenter and butcher shops, will be quickly transformed into the most deli cate instruments of the surveyors art. The material of which saws are formed is of the finest and best-tempered steel and is just suited for our purposes. Ii you will step this way I will show you the result"
 The superintendent then led the way to room in which stood case inclos. ing collection of sextants, compasses, graduated rules, etc., all highly pol ished ant of exquisite workmanship.
 'This," said the speaker, ''is what becomes of old saws. ."-[New York News.
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06

Little Belle .McNichol of Ss. Louis, playing with her pet, Scotch terrier, ac- cidcntally locked herself in small and nearly air-tight closet. The dog at once ran down stairs, and by his actions in duced a servant to follow him to the closet, where she found the child un- conscious. Belle would have died in a few minutes moro but for the terrier.
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06
VOL. XVI.
Obscurity.

OuSCuFltys If thou canst wake within one human breast A thought of lasting joy; if thou hast stirred
 Holy desire by some inspiring word, Or lulled the sorrowful to soothing rest; If with some glorious vision thou has blest The tired, the wayworn las when some rapt bird Unseen pours forth it's soul, the song is heard By the tranced leaves and flowers, tremble lest It cease too soon, to soon)-if this thy lot, Care not how lonely thou mayst seem How cast away as useless or forgot; As to the mightiest comes his work, to thee The humblest task to light some little spot, Though star-like, yet with rays the heavens
 -ILefsure Hours.
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06

Postmaster L. Davis of the town of Solar, Jackson county, H., receives the moderate salary of 10 cents year. The Postmaster of Peck, Nl., got 30 cents last year. while the Postmaster of Lear, Ark, got 31 cents. It is said that there are more than 16, 900 Postmasters who receive no more than $40 year, and 10, 900 who receive $S a year.
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06
The Great YazoO Fraud.

/ l heard public speaker once, in ad- dressing an immense audience in Atlan- ta, refer to the Yazoo fraud, and judging by the way his remarks were received, l am sure very few of his hearers had more than vague idea of the great swindle. It seems incredible that such a glaring fraud could ever approach near to suc- cess. The Yazoo fraud was perpetrated by the Georgia legislature and lobby in 1794 and f7s5, nearly hundred years ago. Four corporations for $5o0,- 900 bought from the Legislature 35, O00,- 900 acres of land-a vast domain be- tween the Mississippi, Tennessee, Coosa and Alabama rivers stretching down to Mobile. The sale of the land created great excitement and indignation over the state, and more so as the corruption of men in high places was so transpar- ent. General James Jackson then in the United States Senate, determined to defeat the great fraud, and, csigning his seat came home, was elected to the legislature, and by unusual energy suc- ceeded in having the obnoxious act re- pealed. The feeling against the unwor. thy representatives was so great that all of them were boycotted and one of them on his return home was killed. After the fraud was overthrown it was deter. mined that the records should be burned. The capitol was in Louisville, Jefferson county, and there the ceremony was per formed. An old man, with trembling hand, held sun glass and with fire from heaven destroyed every evidence of the fraud. - Atlanta Constitution.
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06
An Automatic Hate.

An ''automatic gate" is the latest in- vcntion. Unless it will rear up at pre- cisely midnight, and kick lover out in- to the gutter, and kick the girl into the house, it does not fully meet the de- manl, and the inventor may as we'll try aRsin. --l lDansvilla Breeze.
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06

A story from an Alaska paper shows juvenile hardihood. It states that the children of the natives run about dur ink winter barefooted, and when they have waded through snow or over an unusually long stretch of ice, they, as a means of somewhat warming their feet stand upon one while they hold the other up, reminding us very forcibly of a roost of chickens on snowy day.
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06

There will be displayed at the coming American exhibition in London, house, 42 by 50 feet, of which the foundation t;mbers, flooring, sheathing, roofing, everything, indeed, including the chim- ney, will he made of straw. The house is now being built in Philadelphia.
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06
SuretO Rise.

'Ive got little money to invest, and want your advice"
 ''In regard to what"
 'I want to invest in som ething that is sure to risc."
 "auy thsrnstnstsfa." ."-lSiis!aas
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06

N. o. shelnutt of Jackson county, Georgia, who has been twice hanged and rescued, and who ought to know about it, says it is a great mistake to think that death by hanging is painful. ''There is no pain about it." he says, s.and man can die mighty easy"
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06
Connecticut Western News.
PUBLISHED AT CANAAN, uTcHFlELD CO.,, CONN.,, EVERY WEDNESDAY MORNING.
SC. BECKLEY, Editor and Proprietor.
Local News a Speciality.
TERMS,

42.OO per year, if paid strictly in advance. If not paid at the expiration of three months a 25 will be charged.
 Subscribers desiring their papers discon- ttnued must give notice at tEe EXPIRATION of their subscriptions, any previous notice not being sufficient and unless all arrearsges are pajd, papers will not then be discontinued ,ave a tho option of the publisher.
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06
She Knew Him.

Husband-Sincc I had my hair cut this hat has been very large for me, and nj h it is larger than ever.
 Wifc--Yes, it is larger. Where are you going?
 H.-To the club, to be sure.
 W.--In that case you need not worry !; the hat will fit better on your return, for Tn the interim your heal will grow.
Connecticut western news., 1887-04-06

The joys of parents ara secret, and 30 are their 1rlsfs md fears