Daily Republican., 1887-04-11

through eternity smut In,
Far beyond tho reach Of caro-,
Temptation. pain and sin.
MIRTH AND MERRIMENc.
Mr.. Dusen berry: swell, I'll admit,
dear, that 1t wss . little late when l
came home. Oh, 1t VAS just astonish.
ing the way he brought music oct OF
that instrument. Being himself o great
compUser-" Mrs. Du,enberry: "Yee,
DO doubt, sir noticed you brought .
good deal Of him with you. "Eh, my
dear? A good daal Of what?" 'Oi the
great composer. found Q half.filled
fissk In our pocket this morning"
"Good morning, Cicely. my dear"
exclaimed her intimate, IS she called
In on her way to shopping tour. do
oome and helm me TO select new .pr'na
bonnet; now that's . good deair 70 "Why
now, 1t really 10 impossible. You know
slped you sel-c. your winter cloak /,
ard you always thought 1t was . horrid
thing" "lrue, but this time, you
know. only want your judgm snt, 90
as to know hat not to buy"
~ say, Dick, don't you think that II
the women had to do the fighting, In.
stead Of the men, they would make hot
work OF W" mo; Why do you ask?"
because think they Won Id they have
suoh an engaging way with chem"
THAT'S very true, but they have also
such = captivating way, there would I've
doubtless more prisoners than killed"
"How does my wife take my iucarce
ration?" asked . convicted Mormon OF O.
brother. "Susan cries her eyes out;
Jenaie 10 sad 1t times; Martha doesn't
seem to care very much; Sophie says
she 10 going back to her parents In
Tennessee. while Eueenia 10 already
engaged again" ''Ah. my wife Is =
wonderful woman, isn't she?"
An agric ulturai society offers premI.
ums 70 farmers auehters, "sirls uader
81 PEARS of age," who shall exhibit the
best lots OF butter, not less than ten
pounds. This is all right" says .
local paper. 'save the strOcious insinu
alton that some girls are over 81 years
OF age"
Mrs Fresh: "Won't you Dlease favor
MS with song, Miss Porter? Miss Por.
ter: "Rsally, Mrs. Fresh, am In very
bad voice tonight. and fear I cannot
give satisfaction "Oh, never mind
thatl Everybod lie SO dull tonight;
and / have noticed that singing will
always start conversation. Noons will
listen to you at all.
you needn't bother about having
the parlor swept to day." WAS the re-.
mark OF q youth to his sister rs he
started to school, "What on earth do
you mean. George?" swell, 1 heard
rather tell mother that II that young
man OF yours cane tonight he'd wipe
the floor with him."
How do You do. Mrs. YerRer?''
ginnis." "Have you been calling thi.
beautiful afternoon" swell, not pre-
ci.ely. 1 started out to call on nv
friend, Mrs. Peterby, and I got hall
way there before fortunately remem
bered that this was her at home day .
$50 you have had o quarrel ut the
club about Miss Rouge. the pretty bal
let dancer?" VA q D." "Capitsl thinp
Understsnd you made . hit !" Nav
esponded the chiva ric champi 81
be carefully re.arranged the blind over
his eyes. NAV. The other fellow
made the hit
How old are yon?" asked q justift
Of the peace Of Jim Webster, who WA
under arrest for stealing chickens. -
dunno" said the darkey. "When WERE
you borL?" "What am de- use OF my
telltn' you bout my buffi.y? YoI
ain't Rvtne ter make me no buffdAy
present"
A rustic younester, being asked on
to tea with friend, was admonished Il
praise the eatables. PREF emily the but
ter was passed to him, when he remark
ed: 'Very nice butter--whAt there Il
OF II" and observing % smile, he added
land plenty Of it-such as 1t Is"
He Had Asked Her-"Say. Mr. Cog
Rlsscope, what do you come to our hous,
so often for?" snow. Tommy, yor
must ask your sister Clara that wher
she comes Into the parlor-just ash
her." swell, did, and che said she'C
be blessed II she knew"
Lawyer: You say the four prisoner
broke into your room, and after tAkiDI
positions Ia the corners, each pointed ,
| pistol straight 1T your heart. Now
while this was taking place, where wer,
you?" Plaintiff: "On, I was simpl!
howhere"
ayes, my friends, had q wonderful
escape. Thirteen OF my comrades founl
Q watery grave through The capsizinl
OF . boat" "And how Is 1t you wer
not drowned with the rest?" "Simpl
enough-I stay led at home"
Are you pretty we'll acquainted will
your mother tongue, my boy?" asket
the school teacher Of the new scholar
Yves, STR" answered the lad, timidly
"Ma Avs me good deal, SIR"
A photographer in Gloucester ha
been astonished by . young woman
who came to ask. meekly and limo
Gently: How long does 1t take TO get
photograph after you have your mes
sure?"
CountryMap (to fat circus woman }
"Gosb! ma'am, but you amt half u
fat az your picture" Fat woman
No. sir; have grown somewhat les
stout since that portrait WAS painted"
1t Is mistake to suppose that womeI
have stronger attachments than men
A man Is often attached to an old hsi
but who ever heard of q woman beipl
attached to an old bonnet?"
"Eather," said . newly-marriet
youth. "I've discovered that my wifi,
Is . fool" "SAy nothing, my son, Say
nothing about 1t, and every body vii
think yon are happily matched"
A man breathes twenty times q min
ute, except when he 10 about to put tn,
important question TO his best girl
Then he breathes twenty times o sec
ond.
College professor: ''Wha: was thu
principal requirement among the an
eient Romans for funeral with public
houors?" Student: "A corpsei"
There Is said to be sort OF sympathy
hetvcen extremes. To illustrate-