The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1887-04-14
WIT AND HUMOR.

Pcayune.
A western lecturer has selected for
his subject "a Bad Egg" This sub
ject often strikes lecturer unfavor-
ably.-AOrTtStoWn Herald.
Doodle may indeed be derived from
the Dutch, but the general impression
is that it is taken from the pockets of
the people. Philadelphia Item.
In the Alps: Guide-lf the ladies
will only stop talking your honor may
hear the roaring of the waterfall
across the valley!-Fiege'ade Btdtter.
He-Dese heah kears am mighty
dangerous, and hits mostly de las kear
what's smashed up. She-Why don't
dey leave off de las kear denP-1sras
SJtings.
Wife Cat supper)-What very dis
agreeable old gossip Mrs. Hendricks is.
Husband-Have you seen her lately?
Wife-Yes, / spent the entire day
there.-Neso York San.
''Whatl you say that Herr Schmidle,
the merchant, has gone blind? Here's
pretty how dye do-Tve got Il bill
on the man which is made out payable
at sightr "-DolJ6ar'6ier.
Mr.. Clay-Proud ter see yo', Miss
Daisy. Been terbogginnin' any dis
wintah? Miss Mould-Nah; only once.
Dat yer Mr. Lafiiy squoze nah So hard
he done bruk foh ribs. Nh Clay
'spise hog-Puck.
Mrs. Clashed-My rubber is coming
of, Edward, and - Mr.. ClashcI
(thinking of something else)--lf it's
any evening this week you can't count
on me- I'm booked for poker every
night.-Iid-B Bids.
Mrs. Parvenue Indicating paint
ing of the Whose picture is
that, sir? Dealer-R -Raphael's, madam.
Mrs. Parvenue Surprised Are you
sure? l have always supposed that
Raphael was a man.-LJe.
81 understand, Clara. that your old
beau, Smythe, is going to marry Miss
Robinson" said Ella. ''Girls often do
that when they intend to go house
keeping ssDo what?" '.Why, take
a fiat. "-NeW York Sun.
He-Olga, let us forget our little
quarrel of yesterday. See here, | have
bought you a small bracelet. She
Monsieur, after your rude behavior
yesterday had expected something
more ChdrirGri.
The Won.dn's journal tells about
.swomanly woman in Lowell who is
making an honorable living as a
.swoman milkman." But she must
water her milk or she would be called
milk-woman.-Neao Rdue,s NeUs.
It is announced there will be no
Wagner festival at Bayreuth this year.
An immense boiler foundry will COM
menee operations shortly at Bayreuth,
so the Wagnerites there will not feel
-NorristOUn Herald.
Angry customer-Say, see here, Mr..
Scales, found whole lot of sand in
that last barrel of sugar you sent me.
Placid grocer-Did you, indeed? Dear
me! And what did you expect to find?
Gold SomerUille Journal
1t won't be long now until the poor,
oppressed husband will have blisters
ON his hands from holding on to a fish
ing-pole, while his tyrannical wife will
be staying at home having fun with
the spade in the garden. Washington
Critic.
arable-something after the fashion of
Damon aud Pythias. Who are they?"
.sThey are johnson and jackson, two
of the most dissipated fellows in the
city" "Ah. see. Fast friends. -
Pittsbarg Dispatch.
Tramp-Say, sis! is your pop editor
% the Bungtown Clarion? Sis-That's
what they call him in these parts.
Tramp-Well, jus ask him if he don't
want to hire an experienced man jest
off New York daily to swear to the
circulation
Miss Frances Willard has published
book entitled "How to Win" If
Miss Willard has learned that secret
we should think she could make much
more money playing cards on White
Star steamer than delivering lectures.
--Neao York Graphic.
Husband (at the end of the first act)
-Shan't / go out and get you some
caramels, dear? Wife-l brought some
with me. Husband-Why will you
always munich candy between the acts?
When you get through munching I'll
come baek.-NeW Rdre1a NeaOs.
LEND me tennah, Jinks." .'What
faw?" .'Why to spend, of cawse.'
-.Haw, guess not. / can spend it
Just as well, meself." LEND it to me
to keep, then If leut it TO you it
would be 10 keep, deah boy. Awsk me
an easiaw one. '-1omn Topics.
A handsome young bride was OBJ
served to be in deep reflection on hor
wedding-day. One of the bridesmaids
asked her the subject of her medta-
tion. 81 was thinking which of my
old beaux I should marry if 1 should
become widow.-Philadelfhia Call.
When Virginia moutaineer wants
chew of tobacco this (according to
one who has been there) is the way he
asks for it: stranger, gimme chaw
yer black fiat chawin' terbacker; that
er no; do yer chaw?"- Washington
Critic.
A smoker presents his open cigar
case to his neighbor ON his right.
.'Thanks, / don't smoke.'' He then
turns to his ncighbor on the left. 81
don't smoke; much obliged" His
wife whispers in his ear, '.Are you go
ing to offer one to the captainP" '.No,
love, he smokes-I know he doesr'-
The Judge.
A cafe concert singer who has caught
cold asks his doctor if it is true that
fresh eggs clear the voice and favor the
production of sound. Il am of that
opinion" replied Esculapius with i'm
perturable serenity. Look at the
hens themselves; whenever they lay an
egg they Immediately begin to sing"
French Fun.
Dumley Grately) Il understand,
Robinson, that you have said that l
look like monkey? Robinson-I be-
lieve did say something of the kind,
DuInley. Dumley (threateningly)-
Well, you will have to apologize. Rob-
inson--All right, Dumley. The first
time see monkey, I'll apologize
HnSDer's Rdzny