Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-02-09
To MAKE YOU SMILE.

should say so-lt,s JO-morro" 8
Life.
THE Arab soldier used to march to
war with only few dates IN his wallet.
One of them was probably the date
when his term Of enlistment expired.
Texas Siftings.
YOUNG MAN Tin drug store)-I want
to get a few grains of cocaine and n.y.
podermic syringe. Clerk-Are you q
nhvsician? Young Man-NO, sir, I'm
a poet.-New York Sun.
TENNYsoN says: edith was fem
mime to her tender feet" How differ
ent Wyoming is in this matter! She's
rather rough and masculine to her
"tender feet. "-Chicago Mail.
"WHAT," asked Toozer, "do you
think of s. man who owed his tailor a
bill for years?" "The deuce!" ex
claimed Brown, excitedly, "Who is the
tailor? Quick !"-Pittsburg Despatch.
sCHAMPoIREAU is paying his bill.
" you've forgotten the waiter, SIR
"Champoireau, with an expression
of astonishment. Waiter. Why,
didn't eat any waiter "-Parls IL
CARO-.
Mrs RAMS nephew did not get
through,a college examination. "He
was all right" his aunt said, ''as long
as he was writing the answers to
printed questions, but he failed when
it came to the vice versy. Punch.
GOTHAM matron-"Why, Lydia,
didn't YOU go to the cooking-school,
as you intended?" Eyes, ma, but
there was no session; the lecturess is
sick" ST am very sorry. What is
the matter?" Dyspepsia. It'd
Bits.
HE-"I was discussing tobOgganing
with your friend Miss Smith, last even
ing, and was surprised to learn, Miss
Ethel, that she considers the sport
silly" She-"Yes, dear Clara's nose
turns red upon the slightest exposure
TO cold New York Sun.
''THE lips that taste liquor shall
never kiss mine" Girls are now
confronted by another society whose
motto is: ''The lips that kiss poodles
shall never kiss mine," and they say
that poodle dogs are not as popular as
they were once.-DanvilleB Breeze.
No Use for Pennies-Eastern man
els it possible that you folks do not
use pennies in the West" Western
man-"Never see 'em at all; nothing
smaller than nickels." "Well, well,
what do you do when you go to
church ?" "We don't go."-Tid-BItS.
SWELL No 1 pretending to mistake
for an usher g. rival whom he sees
standing in evening dress at the cloak
room OF the theater) -"Ah! have you
q programme? Swell No. 2 (equal
to the occasion -"Thanks, my man;
got one from the other fellow. New
York Tribune.
OMAHA dame-"Are the Scrivener
girls nicer" Daughter-"They are Just
lovely" "Who was their father, do
you know?" 81 think likely he was
an artist, or an editor" "Didn't
they happen to mention his PROBES
sion?" Not exactly; they said he
died poor. "-Omaha World.
FOND MOTHER Ito bachelor brother)
i wish knew what to do to refine
Bobby's manners. At times heis very
boisterous and uncouth. Bachelor
Brother-Big job to undertake. [
don't believe anything short of the
Standard Oil Company can refine
Bobby.-Norristown Herald.
"IN Bavaria no unmarried woman
is allowed to speak on the street to
any of her friends of the opposite sex,
no matter how well she may know
them" This is money In q, Bavaria
young mans pocket when he meets
three or four of his lady friends in
front of an ice cream saloon.-Horris-
town Herald.
''LooK here" said man this morn
ing, going into his grocer's, 'those
eggs you sold me New Years we're
bad" "Well, that wasn't my fault. "
'sWhose was it then?" Blamed if |
know. How should I tell what was
inside of them? I'm g. groceryman,
I'm no .mind-reader." p Washington
Critic.
ITwas ia; ming heavily when Parson
Surplus Eel, in crossing the street, met
poorlysclad boy whose clothes were
soaked. 9"My dear little boy, why
don't you get an umbrella?" said the
kind hearted clergyman. "Since pa
has quit going to church, he never
brings home any more umbrellas. =
Texas Sftings.
DEEPER and deeper: De Trow-
Chow horrible that tenor is murder
ing his anthem, Miss Claymore." Miss
Claymore-"T hat tenor is my brother,
Ethelbert, Mr.. De Trow" De Trow
(glancing at his hymnal and turning
the leaves quickly)-"Why how stupid
of me, I thought he was singing
Mozart's 'Hallelujah.' Miss Clay
more (frigidly)-"He is."-7id Bits.
GREAT is gold. Money can do al
most anything. 1t can buy men. 1t
can build palaces. 1t can run cleo
tions. 1t can encircle the globe. 1t
can reach the clouds. It can dive to
the depths. But there is one thing it
cannot do. No amount or 1T will
enable a man, while crossing a slushy
street, to preserve the innocence OF a
Scent shine.-Baltimore American.
A BRIGHT girl residing in the suburbs
found stray dog which she adopted
and called Romulus. "That's q funny
name for dog, "said young man to
whom she told the story of the rescued
wanderer. "But very appropriate, %
she replied. "Why appropria te?" he