The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-10-19

oscar John, where's the Jersey2 No
Jersey. eh; got to use watered COW |!
Throw me q couple of them twisters
and back up the salve, will you? Pull
that teat once more and give me forty
drops Gimme some clean silver"
Say, Jimmy, amt you fresh fur a
duck that's got case AID half on yer
tab?"
Never mind, party; the golden
chariots coming along next week! just
put some dope on this here piece OF
half solel"
Perhaps you do not understand this :?
Neither did the reporter when he first
Nheard il, perched up beside the brake
man of passenger train at the eating
stand of station on the Little Miami
Railroad. The respondent was the
white-aproned, lantern-jawed waiter,
who, in q semi-hysterical way, tried to
wait on twenty people at once, and
failed ingloriously in the attempt.
The brakeman, during this technical
discourse, was feeding himself with one
hand, and reaching with the other for
everything in sight and reach. After
finishing an enormous meal, he saunter-
ed down, and asked for a crowbar and
cabbage.
The reporter looked to see the clerk
at the counter reach down and strain
himself lifting heavy bar of iron, and
afterward dive into a barrel and hand
over specimen of toothsome blossom
of the cabbage plant.
But he did not. He merely opened
the cigar-case and showed forward the
toothpick-case, with the remark:
Help yourselfl"
When the ding-dong of the engine
bell sounded the end of the fifteen
minutes for lunch, the reporter fol-
lowed the brakeman, and when the
train had got under way sat down be-
side him and proceeded to unfathom
The mystery of his discourse.
"Didn't catch on, hey? Why, that's
as plain as day. Where do you live,
anyhow" inquired the brake-twister,
as he jerked the cabbage" out of his
mouth and expectorated vigorously.
whats the sandbox?" innocently
asked the reporter.
WELL" gasped the brakeman; "why,
it's the sugar"
A binding light shot athwart the re-
porter's intellect. Was there not a clear
connection between the two-sand and
sugar?
"And the Jersey? What may that
be?"
Cream, you gillie! Don't Jerseys
give cream?"
Another chunk of information imbed-
ded itself in the reporters brain.
"But you said cow, too. What is
that?" eagerly asked the reporter, who
thought he had tripped the man of the
rail.
plain, everyday milk; no cream~
A silence of nineteen seconds inter
vened, and the reporter asked:
Maybe you could tell me what twist
ers' are?"
With look of pain in his eyes the
harassed man answered:
'Doughnuts, mister; amt doughnuts
the twistiest things you ever SAW"
A Joint state of facts was Immediate
ly agreed up, and the seeker after
knowledge continued:
s1hen salve is"
Butter, oleomargarine, butterine,
and cetera. At least it looks more like
salve than anything 1 know" was the
quick reioinder.
Il believe hear;3 you ask the waiter
to pull the teat. Did he have COW 2"
I Partner, think you are the green
est jay that ever rode this line. That
means to turn the handle on the coffee
urn and"
Forty drops are of course--"
Coffee"
"But tell me. What in the name of
sense is 'dope'?"
"Gravy, mister, gravy guess you
want to know what half-sole is, too ?"
what is it?"
Restaurant beefsteak.'
what did the waiter mean when he
said that you had a case and half on
your tab, and what did you mean when
you said the golden chariot was COM
ing?" inquired the reporter, as he of
fered up good cigar on the shrine of
knowledge.
"Ohl / owe S1.5O for meals, and
told him the pay-car was coming down.
Say, why don't you learn English, my
friend?"
The reporter pleaded adverse circum-
stances in early youth and a fond
ness for yielding to the temptation of
angling during business hours, and
leaving the car went into his own in
time to hear an old gentlemen say:
when L asked that blamed skunk
for doughnuts and milk he yelled,
'Twisters and COW for oner"
The railroad man has complete
, vocabulary, in which every article in
general use is written under techni-
cal name. For instant the succulent
bean, the food of the demigods who
people Boston, is known as dynamite"
When picked pork is desired the COM
bination is known as "brass band, with
leader" Whisky, the universal
panacea, SO admirably disguised under
an avalanche of suggestive names, is
known to the fraternity of the rail as
coffee under the counter" Boiled
milk is said to have been "sunstruck."
To the animated the demand for
Powders" at lunch counter would
create surprise, yet the railroad wal
ter quietly hands ont hard-boiled eggs
for one.
The railroad waiter himself becomes
so accustomed to the technical nomen-
clature that he is frequently at loss
o,, ordar yiyan in ,.l,;,,