davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1887-06-30
Some Advice to wives.

Remember that your father was
also man, and be charitable.
Love your husbands mother.
Remember she is older than You
are, and will probably die first. If
you can't do this you had better
marry an orphan.
Don't be ashamed Of being "only
a woman lfyou were man he
probably never would have marned
you.
Let your husband have the last
word once in awhile. 1t will give
him confidence i'm himself. and NAV
even make man of him some day
Try and forget yourself once in
awhile when you are talking to your
husband. He probably forgets you
quickly enough when you are out
OF town on visit
Don I continually talk about your.
self when speaking to Your hus-
band. Remember that a bore is
one who talks about herself when
her husband wants To talk about
himself.
Let your husband read the paper
at the breakfast-table if he wants to.
twill prevent his making ill.na.
tured remarks about the coffee.
grounds and heavy biscuit.
Don't be unreasonable; that is. be
as reasonable MS you can be. 1t will
give youa reputation for originality.
which may be very valuable If YOU
ever want TO enter n museum.
Let him think he knows more
than you do once in awhile. This
is especially advisable about the time
you want an Easter hat. Ii is al.
ways easy to undcceive him when
the bills come i'm.
BE a companion TO your husband.
Call at his office every afternoon.
and go with him 10 his club in the
evening. Most men love devotion.
If this is persisted in for any length
of time he will send you to the sea
shore in the summer, if he has to
mortgage his dress suit TO pay the
bill.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1887-06-30
Choice Selections.

Nothing so snatches man from
selfishness as the frail arms of a little
eoild.-C Chica1o Standard.
The chief cause Of our misery is
less sec the violence OF our passions
than the feebleness OF our virtues
Father Rour.
Nothing is more precious than
time, and those who mispcnd il are
the greatest Of all prodigals.- THco.
ThraStus.
Orators are most vehement when
they have the weakest cause. as
men get or horseback when they
cannot walk.-Lieero.
The working thread which i
manageable as the Lord presents it,
becomes knotted and twisted with A
dozen more by negleet.-ADany
JoUraai. .
Were you building monument
to remain for the ages how majestic
and substantial would be ifs con.
structionl How much more august
and solemn is lifc!-Dr IL. s. lSt0rys
Those arc sweet lives which seek
TO remove obstructing thorns from
anothers rough path, and there is
never q thorn removed from the
path without a rose being scattered
on ones own. Mild forbcarancc i'm
regard 10 other peoples faults IS a
necessity % every sweet lifc-thc
suppression Of unkind words an
othernecessity.- Christian at Work.
Cold prayers are like arrows
without heads. swords without
edges, birds without wings. they
pierce not, they cut not. they hy'not
up to heaven. Those prayers that
have no heavenly fire in them, al.
ways freeze before they reach as
high as heaven, bot fervent PRAYER
is very prevalent with God SDur.
DsOH.
Every man has a right tu make
himself something better than he D..
but no man has a right 10 claim
honor and credit which are not due
him. The time which q man wastes
90 trying 10 force the world 20 &C.
cept him f0r something which he Is
not, would, IL properly used aud
economized, enable him 20 make
himself something higher and better
than that which be Is trying 10 seem.
- GcOgge Sand
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1887-06-30

brother Odd Fellow had frew n, me
in response to dc distress signal"
Then the colored Odd Fellows
and the white Odd Fellows do not
afiiliatein
lust what toled yer. Dey
don't fillyate, but der helps each
other out. | was helped out inter
dc street wild de bung starter; but
hllyatc means To set out the
whisky, - Tcrds iSifi;pgs.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1887-06-30

a young lawyer employed to dc.
fend a eulprit charged with stealing
a pig, resolved TO convince the court
that he was born to shine, Accord
ingiy, he proceeded to deliver the
following brilliant cxordium:
MAY il please the court and gen.
tlemen of the jury, while Europe is
bathed III blood, whilst classic
Greece is struggling for her rights
and liberties, and trampling the un
hallowcd alters OF the bearded inf.
dels To dust; while America shines
forth the brightest orb in the politi.
cal sky-I with due diilidcncc, rise
to defend the cause of this humble
hog thief"
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1887-06-30
They Don't Affiliate.

n colored man was busily engag
ed in saving wood for Col. Powis.
when the latter observed that the
bosom Of the man and the brother,
so TO speak, was adorned by an Odd
Fellows breastspin.
"Do the white Odd Fellows and
the colored Odd Fellows afiilatef"
asked Col Powis.
"Don't fllyate wuf a cuss, but
they helps each other out.
"Well that's the same thing, amt
IT."
"No, sir hits not the same ting %
Whats the diherenceY
The colored man stopped saw
ing wood and made the following
explanation:
Las week, when dat nortber was
freezing der marrer in yer bones,
went into the saloon Of q white man
what totes this very emblem, / was
ia distress-rale distress-as
hadn't had a dram dat mornin', so
] glib him de sigHal Of distress"
"Ile didn't glib dc proper re.
sponse. DE proper response would
hab been to hab rubbed his lcf ear
with his right hand, and to hab sot
out de bottle"
Then he did not respond correct.
ly''
mo, SIR he made a motion 90 de
doah wild one hand and reached
under de bar wild dc other made
dc Odd Fellows signal Of distress
once noah, and den som'tin' hard
hitme Oh dc bead and knocked me
clean out inter dc street Hit was
dc bung starter what Jas white
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1887-06-30
Select Poetry.
True Ministries.

II you have a friend worth loving.
Love him. Yes, and let him know.
That you love him, e'er iifc'e evening
rngeL Ills brow with sunset glow.
Why should good words ne 'cr be said
or n friend-tiil he Is deads
IL YOU hear a song that thrills you.
Sung by any child of song,
Praise it' Do not let the singer
Walt deserved praises long
Why should one who thrills your heart.
Lack the Joy you mny impartT
ltyou hear prayer that moves you
BY Its humble, pleading tone,
Join ~ DO not let the seeker
Bow before his God alone.
Why should not your brother sharo
The strength of ''two or three" In prayor-
III you see the hot tears falling
From n sorrowirg brothcrS eyes.
Share them' And, by sharing.
own your kinship with the skies.
Why should any one be glad,
When brothers heart N sad.
Ifa silvcry laugh Is ripping
Through the sunshine on his face
Share ~ Tis the wise mans saying
For both grief and Joy place.
There's health and goodness in the mirth
In which an honest laugh has birth
III your work Is made more easy
BY friendly helping hand.
say so' Speak out bravely, truly,
Ere the darkness vail the land
Should brother workman dear,
Faltcr for n word of cheer
Scatter thus your seeds OF kindness
All cnrichiug as you go:
Leave them: Trust the Harvest Oliver.
He Will make each seed To grow;
20, untiliife's happy end.
fon heart shall never lack friend.
-Congregationai Magazine.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1887-06-30
NUMBER -.
Too Prcsumptuous.

One of Secretary Whitncy's lady
clerks recently got married, and,
innocent soul, supposing this to be
land where people are somewhat
free and cqua:, sent the great swell
society secretary an invitation TO her
wedding. Instead OF being pleased
az such courteous attention, this
vulgar snob Immediately dismissed
the young lady for her presumption.
This is Whitney's notion OF civil
service reform. OH for an hour OF
old Hickory Jackson and his old
corn cob pipe. How quickly aud
vigorously he would have applied
the toe of his official boot 10 all
hunkeys like Whitney.-Chiiii.
cothe Tribune.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1887-06-30
Detroit Free Press.

Detroit Free Press
Up in the mountains about Mari.
etta, Ga, we came across tall,
barefootcd, barelegged girl appar.
antly about 20 years old, who sat on
the ground in front Of log cabin
with her feet in sand pile. She
made no move to- get up, and the
mother, who came 10 the door as
we rode up, noticed her and yelled
out:
Sarah! Sarahr'
wv hatl" drawlcd Sarah.
"Whar'sye manncrsi"
"liaint got none"
"Oh, You hain'tl Gentlemen,
excuse mcw
She picked up a limb and started
FOR Sarah. Sarah jumped up. got q
whaek on the back ms she lodged a
stump, and as she sailed over the
bush fence in front Of the house the
limb took her again with all proper
energy.
mo, she hain't got no manners,
and that's 50" said the mother as
she flung down the weapon and
came back TO us. II want her to chop
wood and hoe corn and read Shaks
pcare, and the old man he wants
her To- trap and shoot and learn
Latin, and betwixt the hauling and
pulling we've got her manners all
upset"
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1887-06-30
ACENTURY AGO.
Some Popular Things of To-Da,
Which Were Valuable In 1887.


which Were Valuable I'm 1897.
An observer who looks on life
through pair of glasses somewhat
colored with humor thus alludes TO
certain differences of social habit.
convenience and comfort between
1877 and 1887.
One hundred years ago wedding
tours were not fashionable.
One hundred years ago the gin
best known was not the cotton gin.
One hundred years ago farmers
did not cut their legs off with now
ing machines.
One hundred years ago horses
which could trot n mile in 2:Ii were
somewhat scarce.
One hundred years ago there was
no fast mail train between New
York and Chicago.
One hundred years ago there
were no disputes about the impo.
liteness of horse car-driyers.
One hundred years ago people
did not enjoy the incstimable pleas
ure Of growing over bills.
One hundred years sgo every
young man was not an applicant for
a position as clerk or book keeper.
although he often parted his hair ia
the middle.
One hundred years ago kerosene
lamps did nor explode and assist
the kitchen girl in shuhling off her
mortal coil.
One hundred years ago time and
tide waited for nobody, now no.
body waits for either time or tide.
One hundred years ago crooked
whisky was not known. Our fore
fathers took theirs Straight
One hundred years ago men did
not commit suicide by going up in
balloons and coming down without
them.
One hundred years ago there was
no steam on the caDals-cven the
driver on the tow path didn't steam
up in those days.
One hundred years ago a Young
woman did not lose her caste by
wetting her hands in dish.water or
rubbing the skin of her knuckles
on the wash board.
One hundred years ago the ply
syeian who could not draw every
disease from the system by tapping
a large vein in the arm was not
much Of doctor.
One hundred years ago the pro-
ducer could carry his surplus prod
ucts 20 market on his horse.
One hundred years ago our faith
crs did not light their pipes with
matches, but carried fire in their
pockets in the shape Of a piece Of
punk a piece Of steel and a flint.
One hundred years ago a public
officer (or other citizen) could. not
steal enough 20 make the act re-.
spectacle, and insure the actor a
prominent position in The "hrst cir
clcs PhTcn0lQgicaI J0uFnaL
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1887-06-30
a Telephone CourtsIlip.
Cinclnnat Enqulrer.

Cincinnati enquirer
y very pretty wedding was sol
emnized atthe Cathedral Yesterday
morning when Miss Cora NJ. Finch
became J Edward Smith, and the
finishing chapter Of delightful lit
tie romance was written. The bride
Us a Cincinnati girl, who, owing
to financial rUvcrsCs. wentto Kansas
City several years ago and became
a telephone operator The groom
is merchant Of good standing in
Kansas City. While attending 70
his business he was attracted by the
sweet voice of the girl operator. and
the impression was so deep that he
sought her out and secured an intro.
duction. The acquaintance. which
had such a romantic beginning.
ripened into warm friendship and
then into love, and the wedding of
Yesterday was tic happy result
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1887-06-30

a very scasonablc number is
DrMoREST's MONTHLY for July
The beautifully illustrated trip
on "Thc Lower St. Lawrence Riv-
er' makes us wish we were Of the
jolly party. Milan Quartermain.
or Frowning City," by the author
OF "Shc," takes us to the cool upIands
OF Africa, and thrills us with won.
dcrinl adventure, while the other
stories lead us by pleasant paths TO
the oceans shore, where we listen
to what "the wild waves" are say.
ing.
The articles on flowers arc full of
information, as are the other depart.
ments, for which this wonderful
Magazine is noted, "Our Girls. /"
Home Art and Home Comfort. !"
"Sanitarian," "What Women are
Doing" The Worlds Progress. ("
Chats" Household" Mirror of
Fashions" "CorrespCndencc Club" |"
Prohibition" etc, the whole pro.
fusely illustrated, and making up n
Magazine that every lady should
possess.
w. Jennings Demorest, Publisher,
10 East Fourteenth Street, n. Y.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1887-06-30

n printer recently walked into a
certain business house on his rounds
To learn who desired anything i'm
the way of advertisements, and no.
tecd thata drummer stood by the
counter with his sample valiscs
ready to open. Anything yon
want to say in the papcri" asked
the printer OF the man behind the
counter. mo" said the business
man. II don't believe in advcr,is-
ing, | wouldn't give cent for all
the advertising" The drummer
waited until the printer was half.
way to the door, and then, slowly
taking up his sample valises, re.
marked: "Well, that lets me out.
l do not care To sell on time TO any
man, who, in this age. does not be.
lieve in advertising. When / want
to strike mp a trade with dead
man, viii 60 to the graveyard
and swap tombstoncs. Good day
sir ."-Er.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1887-06-30
Concentrated Sweetness.

Somebody claims to have dis
covered n substance which is three
hundred times as sweet ms sugar.
The substance is supposed 10 be
about eighteen years old and wears
a hustle Brockenridgc (No. },
Bulletin.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1887-06-30
Devoid OF Oiractorics.

Some of the boys whose sense of
smell must bc dead amused them.
selves Sunday by digging thirteen
skunks on, of the ground east Of
town - Chester Herdid.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1887-06-30
Frank Lcslic's Sunday Magazine

For July, 1887, begins the twenty.
second volume. Now is good time
for new subscriptions TO begin. This
number contains two important his.
torical articles, which are especially
timely in view Of the possible Eu-
ropean complications. These are
Francis Joseph I. and the Austria
Hungary Empire" by George
Makepeace Towle, and "When
Greek meets Turk" by Oscanyan.
Read together they afford q clear
view Of Central and Southeastern
European politics. Lighter articles
deal with THE Misericordia, that
wonderful benevolent organization
of Florence; Memory and Cultiya.
ton" by Walter Edgar Mccain;
The Ivory Carvings OF the Flemish
Sculptor Duquesnoy"; "Robison
Crusoc's Island :" and other subjects
The two serial. stories by Miss Lin.
skill and Miss Mathews are contin.
ued, and there is tender short sto.
~, "A Woman's JcaIously," by the
late Philip Bourke Marston. DIR.
Ialmage's sermon is on "Stingipp
Annoyances, and in the editorial
department he discusses More Hol-
idays, Danehower, Pernicious Lit.
erature, The Blessings OF Free Rum.
and The Ragmufiins. Several beau.
tliul poems, and many fine illustra-
tons add To the interest and charm
Of the midsummer number Of the
fayorite Sunday Magazine.
Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1887-06-30
T.. Il. MCDouGal,
CEREDo. w. VA


one copy. ono year ~ cl ~ paid at the time
the nauic - entered in suist.iiption books
amer ~ days. si-s5 per year viil be churg cd
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1887-03-17

colored patient suffering with mental malady
NAV be given the advantage which KIND treat
mcut by experienced physicians anu irdIneu
nurses can bcstOw. Under an existing Jaw
Code OF 1873 page 10. section 81, the court III
whose iail apy lunatic may be confined snail,
when practical and proper, contract with some
fit and proper person for the maintenance anu
care of such lunatic out OF the JAZZ, ana 10
make allowance therefor not exceeding Whal
is authorized for lunatic confined IN the Jall;
and the expenses. services, and all allowances
shall be certified TO the Auditor Of Public Ac-
counts for payment.
This law has not been construed by the
Auditor as authorizing him TO pay Tor the
TRANSPORTATION of either the said lunatlcs or
the necessary guards, nor has IL been loun9
practicable 10 make arrangements lor saiu
transfer because the expenses or the Haiil-
tainance Of an insane person Is necessarily
greater than that of an ordinary criminal CON
fined in the jais: and therefore II is dlihcull 10
find 'ft and proper persons VINO are WILING
To undertake 10 MAINTAIN ana care LOT lnein
for what il costs the State TO maintain them IN
the jals. / recommend that the Executive De
authorized TO make such temporary arrahge-
ments at as small expense 10 the State as
possple. as will comfortably provide for the
iunatics now in the jails, until they can be
placed in the regular asylums wnere Ihel
treatment and safekeeping will be secured
In conclusion. | submit to the legislatISe
department of the Commonwealth All lnese
difficult and grave questions with Il pcrlect
confidence that when history prepares an IN n
dictment against governments. ii VIII De
found that by your wise legislation ana mar
mOniOus cOunsels, the ancient foundations Oh
our Old Dominion " have been strengthened,
and that all obstacles i'm the path of virginia ;
future growth. glory, and greatness nave oeeh
FITZHUGH LEE.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1887-03-17
LATEST TELEGRAMs CONDENSED.

PoUGHKEEPsIE. n. Y, March 16.-Nay-
iration is open on the Hudson from here
to New York.
New YORK, March 16.-The jury in
the case of eX-Alderman Cleary still lacks
one of being complete.
GLOUCESTER, MASS, March Lives
sells arriving from Georges report gale
of great energy on the Banks March IL.
New YORK, March 16.-The first edi.
ton of the New York ECening Sun will
appear tomorrow, with Amos j. Gum
mings as editor.
HoPKINsvILLE, KY, March 16.-Jeff
Stevenson has been given twenty-one
wears in the State prison for shooting
William Calyan last August.
New YORK, March 16.-Archbishop
Corrigan's secretary denies that a cable
gram is awaiting the Archbishop's return,
ordering the reinstatement OF Dr. Nc
Glynn. 49,.
YOUNGSTOWN, O., March 16.-Indica-
tions point to a failure of the strike.
Freight traffic is moving gradually. Three
freight trains arrived from Cleveland dur
ing the night.
CLEVELAND. O.. March 16.-The pub
lished story that the Standard Oil Com
pany contemplated transferring its gen
cral office to New York, is deenied by
Vice President Rockefeller.
LEXINGTON, KY, March 16.-The coro-
ner's jury at Morehead has found averdict
of accidental shooting in the case Of John
Trumbo, who shot j. n. Witcher while
showing him that a pistol could be used
Quicker than knife.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1887-03-17
THE SOUTHERN METHODIsTs.
Close of the Annual Conference-Appoint-
ments for the Washington District


LEEsBURG. March 16-At the closing
session of the Baltimore annual con-
ference of the Methodist Episcopal
church south at Leesburg yesterday dur
ng the memorial exercises, Rev. S.
w. Haddaway, read a memoir
on Rev. Frank Montgomery Strother,
and Rev. Samuel Rodgers, presiding
elder of the Washington district, and
Others delivered addresses, eulogizing
Mr. Strother.
Rev. S. K. Cox, of Baltimore, from
the Board of Church Extension, reported
a slight increase in receipts; $3.50 have
been appropriated Thirty-two churches
have been aided. A woman's branch
has paid the special work of building
parsonages. Those who have been ap-
pointed on the Board are Miss Eva
Eggleton, Miss Clara Tucker, Mrs.
Charles Shipley, Miss Rose Bunting,
Miss Lucy Dorsey, Miss NJ. b. COrson,
Mrs. J. H. Figgett, Miss Mollie
Conrad, Miss Fannie Shersard, and
Mrs. L. W. Miller. The report OF
the treasurer showed that for the
work $4,000 had been paid. The amount
assessed for the coming year is $4,000,
appropriated as follows: Baltimore dis
trict, 1925; East Baltimore, $3.50; Wash
ington, 5000; Winchester, $3.50; Rock
ingham. $500 Roanoke, $4l5; Lewis
burg, $500; and Moorfield, $3.50 1t was
moved that the attention of the parent
board at Louisville be called to the in
equality of assessments-the Baltimore
Conference, $4,000, and the Virginia
Conference, which numbers nearly twice
as many, only $1,000. Mr.. T. }. Ma
gruder from the joint Board of Finance.
reported that the amount of assessments
for bishop, superannuated fund and edu-
cation would amout to $4,000. The re-
port Of the Sunday-school board showed
$43,5s5 expended The report recon-
mended a Sunday school day, close at
tention to libraries and was adopted.
The report of the treasurer, Mr.. II. II.
Garrigue of Baltimore, showed Sl7 ,474
collected. On motion of Rev. Rumsey
Smithson, it was resolved that the con-
ference indorse the work of the Women 5
Christian Temperance Union of Virginia.
The report of the statistical committee
showed local preachers 1902; white mem
bers, 81 300; colored members, 81 adults
baptized, f,744; infants baptized, 1880 ;
churches, All; parsonages, lOS; value,
$963,577
Martinsburg, w. Va, was selected as
the next place Of meeting
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1887-03-17
Narrnm Escape from Disaster.

CHICAGO, March 16.-A Times special
from Bridgeport, Ohio, says There was
a narrow escape from terrible accident
on the Cleveland, Lorraine and Wheeling
railroad at Barton, few miles west OF
this place, last night The passenger
train for Wheeling was passing the
station at high rate of speed, when the
rails spread, throwing the engine, tender,
baggage car and two coaches from the
track. None of the passengers or train
crew were wounded, although all were
badly shaken up.
The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1887-03-17
Fugitive Humor.

A precocious youth, prompted by an un-
pleasant recollection Of the last term, says
tnat school teachers are like dogs: They lick
your hands" This carries Off the PALM
Texas Siftings
Mr.. Dusenberry quite inobriatedD-My
dear, / couldn't 90 down that toboggan slide.
1t would take my breath. Mrs Dusenberry
1t wouldn't be bad thing if it did. Phil
adelphia Call
When fire alarm is rung in Rome "tbe
fremen draw an engine TO tho fire, while
grooms lead the horses behind the engine"
No wonder Nero had plenty of time 10 fiddle.
Waterbury American.
George Alfred Townsend admits that he
doesn't know everything" Thus is shattered
another popular belief Are all Of our deepest
seated convictions nothing more than popular
falIaciesl- Chicago Times.
A woman at Wolf Pit, NJ c., who got an
and hit the baby. And this in a section where
the women can practice at hens all winterl-
Burlington (Vt) Free Press
The funeral OF New York alderman, tho
other day, cost the city 81, ,0iS.25. But New
York's experience with her aldermen has
shown her that it is far cheaper TO bury them,
sven at that price, than TO keep 'em alive
Chicago Times.
Dennis was the pride OF his corps,
lie very fine uniform worps,
He could pay at bezique,
And with infinite clique
At the canteen wouli run up scorps.
New York Journal