St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1887-03-10
Jokes on Musicians so-CalIed.
Harper's Weekly.


A cOntralto singer, having made an
engagement to sing at concert in
| Lowell, arrived in the city of spindles
in time for an afternoon rehearsal, and
found upon reaching the hall that her
accompaniment was to be spoiled by
the local band. Comm Through the
Rye was first tried. From the open
ing bar it was evident that something
was wrong, very wrong indeed, though
the accomplished leader of the band
did not discover it until the first verse
was nearly finished. By that time
such dreadful sounds proceeded from a
far off corner of the stage where a
clarinet player was seated that it was
plain who the culprit was. The lead
er raped, and said, when silence had
been secured, "What's the matter over
there, Mr.. Dodge 2" The old fellow
looked up in some surprise, and said,
ssWhat's the lady a-sing GIN z" Comm
Through the Rye" responded the con-
ductor. .'Oh is that so 2 WAL,
was a-playin' Five O'clock in the
MOrnin'."
The officers at a certain United
States navy yard are in the habit of
giving receptions on board the reeeiv-
ing ship and music is furnished by tho
band, composed of enlisted men. 1t
sometimes happens that the men are
drafted here and there for duty, and
their places are then supplied by mu-
sicians from the city. 1t happened
once that nearly all the musicians were
absent, and the music was furnished
by band who played under the regu-
lar leader at the yard-a man who had
lots of "gO'' but very little real knOwl-
edge of music. They played for the
promenade on deck an overture Chat
of NabuccO, l think), in which there
occurred a number of syncopatiOns-
The leader was beating time with d
great flourish, and when the accent
kept coming, as he thought, on the
wrong beat, he grew excited, flourish
ed his cornet wildly, and counted loud
ly. "Wan, two, three wan, two,
three - but the men played on steadi
ly, and at last he quit beating time,
lowered his cOrnet and stood with his
hands on hips, till the eud was reach
ed. Then, turning about, he surveyed
them with whitening stare, and final
ly broke out, regardless of the ladies
and in tone in which scOrn struggled
with rage: "Yez can all gO-tO the
divil !"
The choir of a certain ''OrthodOx"
church in New England once sang
Mendelssohn's 81 Waited for the Lord"
giving it with four voices only, as they
had no chorus. The start was good
one, and every thing was going with
swing and a boom, when suddenly the
bass failed to come in on a solo pas
sage when he was positively due. The
orgaust played for full bar, and then
turned and Kissed, "What's the matter
with you ?" Then just as every body
was wondering why the bass was be-
hind time, the singer suddenly found
his voice, and burst out in really stem
torian tones, 81 Waited for the Lord"
The people smiled, and after the piece
was finished the Organist sought the
singer and said, "Mr. A, your ex-
cuse was not quite satisfactory"
A friend of mine, musician and
wag, was approached after certain
concert by the indignant father of a
young lady, who had ON that occasion
made her formal public appearance,
and who had proved cOnclusively, by
the way, that she could not sing in
tune, whatever her other merits might
be. "Say," exclaimed the angry pa
rent, 81 just heard "a fellow i'll the lob
by say that Lizzie fatted; what the
dickens is he talking aboutq You
heard her sing, and you know, did she
sing fiat 2" "Oh, no." replied my
friend gravely, "she didn't sing flat
the trouble was that the piano sharped
on her a little; those pianos will do it
now and then I've noticed it before"