The Windham County reformer. (Battleboro, Vt.) 1876-1897, 1887-04-01
f. PURPORTS TO BE FUNNY.
A Little Nonsense Now and Then II Rel.
ished by the Wisest Men.

tshed by the Wisest Men.
| HEGAvE UP ALL HOPE.
prisoner" said Nevada Judge, "wha
have you to say to this indictment; are yol
| guilty Or not guilty."
Before answer the question, Judge, IL
like to ask Your Honor II this little specialized
dude is all the lawyer I've got"
"That is Mr. Ferguson, sir" responded the
Judge, sterny; II have appointed him to de
fend you, as you seem to have no counsel"
Judge" said the prison, signing heavily
"I'm guilty."
| WANTED AN ANGEL.
| Omaha Dame Have you any good girls?
Employment Agent-Hundreds Of them.
| 81 want one who won't spoil everything
she tries to cook"
| Wha---"
"And will clean up things at least once
week."
"Eh :"
"And will stay in one night week so can
| go out"
my stars, madam! Tfvou want an ange
you had peter apply m"
sA.so>s IA .AcIEs.
Guest Cat resturant) Here waiter, there's a
fly 10 this soup; take it away.
Waiter-'Scuse me, boss. But dat ain no
fly.
GueSJ-l Say IL IL. ldhc IL away.
WATERFALL right, boss. But dat ain no fly.
Das a roach, boss. We don have no flies yer
in wintah time. Dis am fust class place, an
We don serve nuffi1 out outen season, sab.
DESERVING OF CREDIT.
Grocer-"So you haven't drunk anything
for a month. uncle Rastus ??
Uncle Rastus--"No sab, not er drap."
Grocer--"You deserve credit, uncle Ras-
tus."
Uncle Kastus--"Yes sab, Cud you trus' me
to er ham till day arter to-morrer at qua'ter
pass foh."
Grocer--"No, never give credit"
A CULTIVATED TASTE.
Young Hottest must show you my baby,
MIR Brown; are you fond OF them
Brown { absent minded )--Yes--oh, yes !!
But haven't eaten any lately.
! "Merely slip of the pen," apologized the
owner of pig who was doing his best to des-
troy the symmetry OF neighbours garden
plats.
witness, fearful of being accused as an &C.
ccssory, said, "l'll hanged if l know" when
asked how the murder was plaued.- New Or
leans Picayune.
Hostess-"Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Chips
will now recite "Curfew Shall Not Ring To
night" Everyone remaining in the room un-
til she finishes will receive pair of valuable
gold mounted opera glasses. Puck.
Boarding house keeper-"You old fraud,
how 40 you walk around if you are blind 7"
Beggar-"I be'ant blind in my legs, mum p
life
Offics boy Ito Boston editor There's gent
outside. sir, with fringes on his pants, what
says that he wants 10 see the editor. Boston
say "gent" or "pants," James
and tell the gentleman we don't want any poet
ry.-lPuck.
Omaha chambermaid--" Wait, Mary, it
isn't time to lock up the house yet. Miss Eth
els young man Is in the parlor." Omaha
kitchen girl--"He's gone, Sarah" "Dli you
hear the door shut ;" "No, but the parlor gas
is turned up again.--TOmaha World.
"Will you trust me, Fannie ?" he cried, pas.
souatey grasping her hand. "With all my
heart, Augustus, with all my soul, with all my
SELF" she whispered, nesting on bis manly
bosom. "Would to heaven you were my tai
lor," he murmured soto voce, and tenderly be
took her 10 his arms Washington Critic.
Boston hostess-Did you not think the alle- |
was inspirings
Friend from. the West-Stunning And |
wasn't Mr. Beethoven himself perfectly elegant
Such lovely whiskers. wish he'd played |
again II Boston Beacon.
A clerk at the Columbia post-office tho other |
day was saluted by an old fellow outside who
said he wanted to send off letter. SAL |
right" said the genial prryeyor OF stamps,
laid the old man, ..iust pal q on and let the |
et,er go slow (Colum6Iat5 C)Register.)
GEORGE" she murmured the other night, as |
he swallowed yawn, and drew back the |
moisture into the depths of her sapphire eyes;
George, do you know why you remind me OF |
he trees p?
UNo Ethel dearest WHY ;,
because feel sure you will not leve till
Spring. "-Charestown Enterprise.
Miss ChillDgy---So, Mr. Robinson, you kept
diary for four whole years and then gave it
Up!
Mr. Featherstone Robinson--Ya.as. And
rs WEAKLY quite Interesting to look it ovah
md see what fool was then.
Miss Chiiiingly--It's a pity you gave 1t up.
)nly think In ten years you might read it
ver and see what fool you arc now..-fLife.
citizen was try to hire colored man at
hc market yesterday TO clear out back yard,
ut the laborer lodged and hesitated and hung
bout 1t so long that the other finally excam-
d: "Hang ii! l don't believe You want to
FORK at ALL" ooh, yes does but dassen't
,ust myself shouldn't more'n get to work
fore I'd 60 on a strike, and doan' want to
odder YOU - Detroit Free Press.
Excited tenant-See here Mr. Rackrent,
lere's spring broken through my cellar walls,
nd the cellar Is just flooded. Old Rackrenf,
,lmly-That sol Good strong spring! Ex-
ted tenant-1 should say strong; we'll all be
rowned IL something isn't done for that cellar.
Well don't see but that I'll have to raise
our rent about "a a month; there's nothing
Ids 10 the value of house so much as good
alter supply"
-Colored Sarcasm: Impecunious African
Boss, can't yer gimme dollar for Christ.
as gift l hasn't done lick of work in six
umfs." Wealthy gentleman of leisure-"My
'lored friend, hav'nt got anything to do my r
II; and hav'n't bad for great many years. r
ell, den, boss, we am bofe in the same fix, :
ID II heahs OBJ job OBJ whitewashin', III 90
llvers wid yer, pore white man."-lTexas
ftings.J !
Even If traveller reaches tie end OF rail
ad journey with a whole skin, he may be
rned alive in the hotel he puts up at. The
ly safe way seems to be to sit down in the 6
idle Of 20 acre lot.-- Detroit Free Press.