Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1887-03-11

PEB Il LES.

All sailors luff to be on the brinv
deep.
The musical director Of the Metro
politan Opera is going to Seidl out Of
the country.
There is said to be tree in New
Guinea which, when touched, knocks
"A man down. 1t must be a species of
boxwood.
Harper'S Bazar has a poem written
by BILLY Patterson" Will the gen.
teman who struck Billy Patterson
please hit him again?
Professor l. L,nciani's lectures on Ro-
man Archaeology, in Philadelphia,
will continue for some time, and are
deservedly popular
Since the aldermen connected with
the Broadway railroad have been con-
victed, it is customary to refer to the
road as ''sic transit"
He Cat Boston musicaIe): "What
a glorious Interpretation" She Ga
Chicago young woman): eyes. Mr..
Waldo, | call that good tiddling."
There is widow who keeps a Swed-
ish boarding house on one of the streets
near the wharves. Her borders are
referred 10 as the widows 'Swedes."
"Chestnuts" yelled several persons
in the gallery at the minstreal show.
That's right, gentlemen responded
Bones. "If you don't get what you
want, ask for it -
"IIullo, Mr.. Brown. What are you
doing up at this time o morning !"
oh. I'm trying to scare up an appe-
tite for my breakfast. Why are you
up SO early I'm trying TO scare up
a breakfast for ny appetite
| 1t transpires that the Chicago peo
| pie were less incensed that Lowell lee
tured to them Oh the Englishman,
hakspeare, than that a certain quota
ton in the lecture contained direct
insult to the audience; they took the
words "fretful porcupine" for "and yet
for pork you pine.
| Woman 90 tramp:) Il kin give ye
some cod buckwheat cakes an a piece
o mince pie" Tramp frightened: y
Nv ha what's that" Woman: "Cold
buckw heat cakes and mince pie" !"
Tramp (heroically:) Throw in a
small bottle of pepsin, madame, and
| Ill take the chances.
Ms. Cleveland ~. not givss16
receptions, f.: the So rSnotbe
: : - - ans 80 reason that
- - an nmhralIs--
viz, because It's Lent. The above
joke was found rasted in Senator
Evarts stove pipe hat; we have simply
substituted the name Cleveland for
Martha Washington.
Household Hints: Ink stains on
mohoganv furniture will disappear if
treated as follows: Procure acarpeu.
ters chisel and gouge out the spots
thus solled. The holes may be filled
up with putty. TO remove stains
from character-inherit fortune of
million dollars.
Flossie had been presented with
bnx Of French candy. "Now, Flossie,"
said her mother, you have eaten all
that you ought TO. You can have one
piece more, and then we will put the
box away until morrow" "Can
have any piece | like:" asked FIossie.
Yes; take the kind you like best"
Flossie hesitated. "Well, mamma"
she said finally, "if | take the kind I
don't like best, can | have two pieces?"
"Nlaybe haf TO fail before spring."
said IA Pennsylvania merchant to
travelling salesman who was trying to
sell him bill of goods. "But you
are worth $4,000 and have only $l0,-
/ 900 worth of stock. You'd have to
pay 81 for one if you failed" "Mein
gootness, vhas it like dot? Veil, den,
| keep right on, und You may send
me some more sugar und tea und cot
fee. | vsit until | vhas worth $4,000
und haf $4,000 worth Of shtock."
First Boodier: 81 want to engage
the services of Il lawyer. Whom do
you recommend:" Second Boodler:
You had betterretain Lawyer Bluff
is he a good lawyer "He is, in
deed. lie is a powerful speaker. He
Is SO thoroughly in earnest that in ad-
dressing jury his words carry con-
viction." Then he'll not do for me.
I've been indicted, and ! don't w,nt
lawyer whose w~rds carry conviction
with them. 1t is an acqulttal I'm af
ter