The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-02-16

flashes Of fun.

Lamb was given ner Dy ner angry
mother-and Mary wept.
A dressmaker may try as hard
as she, will to be original yet her
art will always be a matter of form.
The reason why babies walk so
much sooner now than formerly is
becausetthe price Of baby carriages
has gone up.
No matter how ignorant a Bos-
ton man may be, it can be
said that he dosen't know beans.
Der viz man makes oben his
eyes und makes shut his mout. Der
fool makes oben his mout, und shut
his eyes ub.
"A watch has been invented to
carry in your boot while travelling,
This keeping time with the feet was
always objected to.
When the Pilgrim fathers hear
that Plymouth has had a dance in
in honor of their landing, they will
be sorry they landed.
"A Pittsburg girl who has been
visiting Boston has returned to her
native city; she says the atmosphere
of Boston does not SCOT her.
This ambiguous notice adorns
a ladies' cabin in a Hoboken ferry
boat: "These seats are for ladies.
Gentlemen will not occupy them till
the ladies are seated"
Hotel Porter (to gentleman in
the wash room); Is yo' a guest oh
de hotel sir?
Gentleman (paying 81 a day.:
Guest? No, I'm a victim.
Collector: How many more
times do you wish me to call for
this money?
Debtor; My dear sir, you need
never call again. | shall not be
offended.
Mrs. Brimmer: Why, Mr.. Brim-
mer, here's a fly. Where did he
come from this cold weather? See
him hover around that book. What
is he after?
Mr.. Brimmer: Looking for the fly
leaf, [ suppose.
-"Is he a young man Of brains"
inquired an old gentleman respect
ing a swell youth.
"Well, really" replied his daugh-
ter, Il have had no opportunity of
Judging. | never met him anywhere
except in society,""
She: "John why do you spend
so much time at the ball games? l
hear Of your being there every
time they play. Don't you consider
it a waste of time and money"
He: "Heavens, Alice, don't you
want me to. have some standing in
the business world?"
-Pedantic old gentleman (to res
taurant waiter): II believe it is
improper to speak disrespectfully of
ones elders?"
r. W.: $50 I've card, sir"
P. O. G.: "Then [ will be silent
concerning the duckling you have
just brought me-
Tom: Is that Miss Jennings, to
whom I saw you talking, wealthy ?
that is to say, has she anything in
her own right?
Harry: No, [ don't think she has;
but she is a nice young lady and her
father is quite well-to-do.
Tom: Oh, [ understand. You
believe in taking her at her pa
value.
-"One Of my ancestors won a
battle during the crusades by his
skill in handling his artillery" said
the baron. "But, my dear Baron"
said his friend, cat the time of the
crusades gunpowder had not yet
been discovered" Il know that
as we'll as you do, and so did my
ancestor" Chow did he with the
battle, then?" "He brought his
artillery to bear on the Saracens,
and the stupid fools, seeing the guns,
supposed that powder had at last
been discovered, and fled in dismay."
PA, does God make everything
IN vain?" mo my child; why do
you ask such a question:; "Pa didn't
a whole lot Of generals in the war
get beat?' eyes my son." "Got
licked every time, didn't they?"
eyes, my dear" "Never licked the