davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

when am travelling in foreign parts, -
said Texas man, enthusiastically, Il am
proud 10 say that | am from the Lone Star
state When | register at a hotel, pick
out a pen with broad point and write
after my name i'll big letters: From
Texas -
Yes" whispered a gentleman who hap
pened to be present, ''and when the hotel
clerk sees it he asks for cash in advan ,e, and
puts the Texan up in the sixth story -
Texas Siftings.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

Returned Tourist-You wouldn't believe
half the wonderful things l could tell you
about India Why, in some of the temples
of the Brahmins they have fires that have
been burning for 1000 years.
Chicago Man-Great scott! they ought to
have our fire department down there for
dav or rtwo-Ramhler.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29
Give the Woman . Chance.

Blufrum is possessed Of a broad, catholic
spirit. There is nothing contracted about
Bluffum. He was reading the other evening
the card of a woman in the newspaper in
which she demanded that women be admitted
into certain professions, 'Them's my senti-
ments, " exclaimed Bluffum with unwonted
emphasis. Give woman a right to labor
wherever she wants. Hang it, she may do
all the work for aught l care. boston
Transcrinf
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

kEEPSAKES.

Each lover has q keepsake
For the memory OF his love;
One has u note or a ribbon,
And one a curl or glove.
But am rich in keepsakes;
Thp.s notes treasure apart;
There are two, accepting my presents,
And one, declining my heart.
-Macmillan's Magazine
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

II am not accuthtomed to dwinking," he
said timidly to the bartender, but l am
feeling quite thick, and would like to athk
you if you have any ware old whithkys"
Rare old whisky repeated the barten-
der indulgently, 81 should say so! | can
give it to you raw if you want it. life
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

There is postofice in Pennsylvania known
as president" On Monday President Cleve-
land received letter addressed as follows:
"His Excellency. Hon. Grover Cleveland,
President The letter had been forwarded
from President, Penn, and was indoIsed
mot here at present. Try Washington"
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29
He Probably Wiped His Feet.

Capt Walsh of the Salvation Army wears
a red shirt on which is embroidered "A
burning hell awaits the careless. ~ 1t is
rumored that his wife did the decorating
with view to making the captain wipe his
feet before coming in the front door.-Bos-
ton Herald
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29
A King Sometimes Needfur.

"The Bulgarians want king very bad, but
somehow or other they can't get one, " said
a member of the Texas legislature to friend.
II can sympathize with the Bulgarians. l
once lost several thousand dollars by not
being able to get a king when needed one ~
Texas Siftimgs.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29
No New Mixture for Him.

did You ever try a toboggan;' asked
Tom Reed of the Hon. Frank Lawler
NO. replied Frank scornfully. Il don't
believe in them fancy drinks. | always take
mine plain and old fashioned. w Washington
Critic
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

The following yer lict waS recently rem
dered in Woodland: We, the jury, find the
defendants not guilty. with the recommcn-
datiOn that they leave the town within forty
eigh: hours San Francisco Call.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29
A QUATRAiN.

Who deems himself E happy man,
Happiness in him lies;
But wisdom has small part in him
Who faucies himself wise.
It'd Rits
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

De Garmo-And how do you stand on
evolution, Miss Brewster? Don't you be-
lieve man is descended from the monkey
Miss Brewster-Oh, yes, | think man is; but
what puzzles me, Mr.. De Garmo, is where
women came frOm-The Columbia Specta-
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

A paper speaks of an opal as large as a
small hens egg" 1t has probably never
occurred to the editor who makes this COM
parison that it sometimes happens that a
small hens egg is larger than the egg of a
big hen n-Norristown Herald
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

-Four yeaT-old Beatrice was Iunching in
company with her mamma the other day,
when a gentleman said, to tease her little
ladyship: Il know what you would like"
What is that ''Oh, you'd like a little
brother No shouldn't. detest men"
Boston Herald
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29
WE'RE sADOesT WHEN THEY SING

/ The swan, consd rate bird and passing wise,
/ Sings only Once-then Just before 1t dies
| Surely ii were a happy thing
II some We knew might die before they sing
Morning Journal
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

In some of the New York theatres the
ushers pass around water between the acts
All the young men have to do now is to carry
small flask i'll their pockets, and the cost of
the flask will more than be made up by the
saving in shoe leather-Y Yonkers Statesman.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

At the Ball: He-Reany, Miss Airy, you
must pardon me. I'm so sorry not to be
able to amuSe you, but positively no silly
thing will come into my head. ''-Fiegende
Rlaattar
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

Krupp's last gun will fire ball weighing
two tons through thirty y-eight inches Of solid
iron. What the American public demands
is a machine to propel the nocturnal brick
bat with force and accuracy San Francisco
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29
No Danger for Them.

SMITH notice that an English physician
says coffee drinkers are sure to be old before
their time
Jones-How thankful we ought TO be that
We board. Pittsburg Chronicle.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

Wife (enjoying her dinnerl-What can be
more delicious than a nice canvasback?
Husband-A greenback, my dear, green
back The Rambler.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

1t is surprising how different questio1s Of
law sometimes look 10 the attorney at tbs bar
and to the judge on the bench. One pounds
the law the other eIpounds it,-Indians polls
Journal
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

Sexton-I beg your pardon, sir, but the
services are over.
Sleeper-'F you'll build it this mornin',
Maria, ! won't ask you agin all winter
lid Bits
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

Now which Of these two photographs o!
you may ! have, dearest. The beautiful one,
or the one as know youi"-Punch.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

Gentleman-Have Won any new college
songs
Music Dealer-No, nothing new has been
published in the last year.
Thank Heaven, Good dav. r.-Tid Bits
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

Going TO the opera in Boston. Amt you
going TO take your fan with you, Aramintay'
No
We'll. think you ought to-"
whats the use? There is not too much
heat in the house at this season.
But l should think you would want some
thing TO cover yourself with after you take
OFF your cloak Boston Courier.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29
He Didn't Look Natural

Bertie-Pa, who's that a picture of
Pa-Father Time, with his gcythe
Bertie-But, pa, he's nearly bald
Pa-YeS; most old gentlemen are.
Bertic-But, say, pa, thought Time had
4 forelock It'd Bits
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

Tender hearted young lady-Oh! you .ruel,
heartless little wretch! TO rob those poor
birds of their eggs.
Wicked little bOy-Ho! That's the old one
at you've got on yer bonnet Guess she
won't care.-ForeSt and Stream
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29
They Pull Well in Harne~.

Henry Ward Beecher says money is not
necessary to happiness. OF course not.
Neither is lemon juice necessary to a raw
oyster, but it adds nightly to its succulence.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

Amateur Artist TO friendl-It's rather an
ambitious subject Charley. call it The
Gathering of the Hosts
Friend-What docs that big flock of eagles
signify, Fred, or are they vulturess
Amateur Artist Gaintlyl-Neither, Char
ley; they are angels
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

What kind Of a man is Mr. Brownr in
quired K street girl of an Ebbitt house
belle.
'Oh." was the indifferent reply, hell do:
but be has such queer notions of right and
wrong"
AN what way: always though he was a
man of excellent ideas i'll that regard. Please
explain, won't you"
"Why, he wanted TO kiss me the other
evening, and told him it was wrong for him
to do so"
"Welli" said the other, inquiringly.
"Well, ne believed me. w Washington
Critic
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29

"Gittin' pay for that he asked, as he
came along to where man was shoyeling
SNOW
Not a red -
Then you re fool"
IVES, l know it; but, as | own the house
and lot don see how I'm TO get around it. :"
Detroit Free Press
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-01-29
Cleveland, Columbus, Cincinnati and
indianapolis Railway.

No. Il has through sieepsrs 20 New brk and
5ostOn without change.
No. 4 is the famous limited express, com
JOsed entirely OF sleeDers. east Of Cleveland
Through sleepeTs from Springfield. Nskes
New York In ~ hours and Boston in ~
hours.
No. 2 has free Reclining Chair car 10 st
Louis without change.
o. H. KNIGHT
!. K. Iieket and Ocean Steamship Agent,
4. J. SMITH. Arcade b, pot,
u. z. A. SDrlngn Id, o.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1887-05-26
How TO Preserve the Hair.

A good supply Of oxygen is necessary for
jhe healthy g~rowto OF hair; the head SHOULD
De well aired. The hat has made sad havoc
With many a caput. Endeavor to go bare
headed as often as possible. When walking
lift the hat from off the head frequently,
and, if the sun is not too strong, hold the
nat in your hand awhile. The bluecoat
~schoolboys. formerly of Christ church,
London, who wear the costume OF Edward
", 90 bareheaded the year round. They
wear no hats in the coolest days of winter.
They are remarkably healthy and have a
redundant crop of hair, which lasts them
a lifetime.
If we must wear a hat. let it be light in
texture, and well ventilated from the top.
One reason that women keep their hair
longer than men is that their head gear al
lows OF better ventilation. Business men
sometimes wear their hats in their office, or
some have a special hat which they put on.
This is very injurious. The. brokers on
Wal street are noted for wearing their hats
indoors as well as outdoors. They are no.
torious for having bald heads. This may
account for it. When the head is well
shorn OF its locks this does not apply
New York Medical Journal.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1887-05-26
Where is

This singular question was put to Sam
Jones. the evangelist. by one OF his wealthy
church members in Georgia, whose Gotten
crop yielded him some twenty thousand
1ollars last year. "Where is heayen?"
said the rich planter.
"Ill tell you where heaven is" said Mr..
Jones. 'If you 20 down to the village and
buy fifty dollars worth OF groceries, put
them in a wagon and take them to the
poor widow on the hillside, who has three
Of her children sick. She is poor and a
member of the church. Take with you II
nurse and someone to cook their meals.
When you get there read the twenty-third
psalm, and kneel by her side and pray.
Then you will find out What heaven is"
Next day as the evagenlist was walking
through the village, he met the same
wealthy planter, his face beaming with Joy.
He spoke after this manner: "Mr. Jones,
I've found out where heaven is. l went
and did as you directed me. We took up
the wagon load OF groceries, and the widow
expressed her thankfulness. AS | read her
the twenty-third psalm my heart vas lied
with thankfulness to God, and when |
prayed the angels came down and Ithought
[ was nearer heaven than | had ever been
before in my life. | left the nurse and the
:ook in her humble dwelling, and promised
Ter she should never suffer as long as |
could help her."
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1887-05-26
Fate OF Cow That Ate SOAP.

Mention was made i'm this paper n short
time since about a COW In Montgomery
county eating several bars OF soap and
also the fact that the cow died and that
the owner OF the animal had sued for dam
ages. Rev. Il. w. Lawburn, OF New Rich.
inond, while on his way TO an appointment
at jamestown, purchased some soap and
placed it in II sleigh owned by George Delhi,
who was to deliver the soap Mt the minis
ter's house. Afterwar;l Delhi met n man
named Howard Dewey; they exchanged
horses. and Delhi went home in Dewey's
buggy. while Dewey vent tn see n girl at
the residence OF George SAKE, with the soap
under the seat. not knowing it was in the
sleigh. The COW of SAKE ate the soap and
died, OF course. An examination was held
and the soap found i'm the cows stomach.
Mr.. Saxe has sued all three OF the above
persons, so as to be sure OF getting dam.
ages from somebody. The cow belonged to
SAKE, the soap to Lawburn. the sleigh con
tanning the soap to Delhi, the horse hitched
to the sleigh to Dewey, and Dewey was the
person who went to see the girl Of the man
whose COW ate the soap. IL the man had
included the young lady whom Dewey went
to see as a party to the suit, then it might
be easier to tell who damages could be re-
covered from. for surely the girl nae az
much to do with the death of the COW as
some OF the other parties.-Indianapolis
Journal
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1887-05-26
THE TENTH OF $50, 900.
How a Colored BOY Became Rich, and
the Effect Ills Wealth Has Had Upon
Effm-One Dollar fn The Louisiana

How n Col0red Boy Became Rich, ant
Effect His Wealth Has Had Upon
Him-One Dollar fn The Louisiana
State Lottery.
OF course O. majority of our citizens
are opposed to gambling, but there is
considerable pleasure when you try il
to know that you are going to play q
game that is fair. Clifford j.. Tweedy,
the colored boy who was the lucky
holder of the one-tenth OF ticket 49,.
899-the second capital prize of $780,
000-received about O. week ago his
one-tenth, or So, 00O, and our readers
would perhaps like to knowsomething
of this colored boys life, and how he
won the prize, and what he has done
and intends doing with his money.
Clifford is a likely colored boy about
twenty-one or twenty-five years of
age and was raised by Mr.. Henry II.
Peay, with whom he has been for the
past sixteen years. At the time ofhis
drawing the $4,000 he was in the en-
ploy of Mr.. Peay, getting So permonth.
He has retained his position with Mr..
Peay, and does his work as faithfully
as ever.
After receiving his $4,000 he depos-
tied $4,000 in the Georgia Railroad
Bank and took one thousand dollars
and divided a portion of it amongst
his poor colored relations. Be it to
his credit too, he did not forget his
employer, Mr.. Peay, to whom he gave
a present of fifty dollars.
He says with the four thousand
dollars that he has deposited in the
Georgia Railroad he intends to buy
Augusta real estate, another sign that
he has a level head. In answer to the
question how much he had invested
before winning, he replied that he had
bought a ticket regularly every month
for the last fifteen months, and it was
the fifteenth dollar that did the
work.-Augusta (Ga.) Chronicle, April
80.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1887-05-26
This World Not 50 Lazy After All.

There is not SO much laziness in the world
as people want to make out. Veal work,
out it's always the other people who are
lazy. Now take the case OF that wealthy
traveller who lived at one of our hotels.
He did not need to work. He did not work,
but what do you mean by calling a man
lazy who could be the hero of this story?
He had a most expensive suite of rooms,
and no end of extras. A friend vent up to
call upon him in the forenoon and found
him just at breakfast. He was drinking
tea and eating toast and things. His man
ner was easy and deliberate.-San Francis
m Chronicle
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1887-05-26
'JeSs SO.''

They were conversing together in
the Baltimore depot, and one of
them remarked:
II shan't go into Wall street blind.
[ have friends who will give me point
ers."
A man who was wheeling a baggage
truck overheard the remark, stopped
short to look at the speaker, and then
spit on his hands to renew his grip of
the handles and said:
jess SO. That's the way l went
there with $50, 900 in my pocket, and
them pointers brought me here. Bet
ter get your application in for a Job,
mister. Wal. Street DAILY News.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1887-05-26
A Plea for Pie.

1t is the fashion to cry down pie and &C
cuse it of causing all the dyspepsia in the
country; but there is pie and pie. m good
pie does not cause dyspepsia. 1t is, more
over, one of the most paiatable dishes that
can be set before II true and patriotic Amer
lean. Emerson ate pie for breakfast all his
lie, and Carlyle never ate any. Yet, which
was the d~yspeptic? Go to, We imitators OF
English clothes and French dishesl Ye car
not abolish pie! The rich gold OF the pump
kin, the bright canary OF the custard, the
carmine of the cherry, peeping through the
demi-lunes OF the fiaky top crust, will still
cheer the eye of the true American epicure
when English and French fashions are gone
out of style and though every bill of farein
the country should become n carte de menu.
Cotton Mather Smith in the Epoch.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1887-05-26

The proposition of the Society for the
Protection OF Cross-eyed, K~nock-kneed
and Freckled-face Girls to found a college
for type-writers, to which none but its pro-
teges shall be admitted, commends itself,
to every benevolent mind. 1t is time pretty
girls, who can get plenty OF husbands to
earn their iivings for them, stopped tres
passing on the perquisites Of their palmer
sisters. And masculine human nature can
but be grateful for this mercifui provision
against the temptation every man feels at
some time or other in his literary career to
kiss his pretty typewriter when she laughs
at just the right Observation-Disclosures
News.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1887-05-26

without woman? asks the essayist who
starts out to say something new on the oft.
treated subject. OF course, the human ele-
ment of the world would not
exist without woman, SO the
question is gratuitous. 1t would
have been far more sensible to ask: What
would the world do without the salvation
OF woman, without a panacea for her phys
ical ills and a cure for her diseases.
In a word, what would the world do with
out DIR. Pierce's "Favorite Prescription"
the great remedy for female weaknesses?
1t is indispensable for the ills OF woman.
kind.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1887-05-26
4 aHAT
II Ais
YOU2

Do you feel dull. languid, low-spirited, life
less, and indescribably miserable, both physi-
cally and mentally; experience a sense or
fullness or bloating after eating, or OF gone
ing, tongue coated. bitter or bad taste In
mouth, irregular appetite, dizziness, frequent
headaches, blurred eyesight, floating Specks"
before the eyes, nervous prostration or ex-
haustion, irritability OF temper. hot fiushes,
alternating with chilly sensations, sharp
biting. transient pains here and there. cold
feet, drowsiness after meals, wakefulness, or
disturbed and unrefreshing sleep, constant,
indescribable feeling OF dread, or OF iinpend-
ing calamity
ff you have all, or any considerable number
of these symptoms, you are suffering from
that most common of American maladies-
Bilious Dyspepsia, or Torpid Liver, associated
with Dyspepsia, or Indigestion. The more
complicated your disease has become, the
greater the number and diversity or symp-
toms. No matter what stage it has reached,
DIR. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery
will subdue il, il taken according To direc-
tons for q reasonable length OF time. III not
cured, complications multiply and Consump-
ton of the Lungs, Skin Diseases, Heart Disease,
rheumatism, Kidney Disease, or other grave
maladies are quite liable TO set in and, sooner
or later, induce a fatal termination.
DIR. Pierce's Golden Medical Dis
cOvery acts powerfully upon the Liver, and
through that great blood purifying organ,
cleanses the system OF all blood-taints and i'm
purities, from whatever cause arising. 1t is
equally eilicaciOus in acting upon the Kid
neys, and other excTetOry organs, cleansing,
strengthening, and healing their diseases. AS
an appetiZing, restorative tonic, it IN
digestion and nutrition, thereby building up
both flesh and strength. In malarial districts,
this wonderful medicine has gained great
celebrity in curing Fever and Ague, Chills and
Fever, Dumb Aguc,a and kindred diseases.
DIR. Pierce's Golden Medical Dis.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1887-05-26

sick-headache. depression of spirits, and
want OF ambition are symptoms Of a dis
eased liver. The lungs, stomach and bow
els are all in sympathy. Lille is only a liv-
ing death. DIR. Pierce's Golden Medical
Discovery" acts upon the torpid liver, and
effectually removes all these difficulties and
disorders. Nervous feelings. gloomy fore
holdings, and irritability OF temper all dis
apDear.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1887-05-26

Mothers, Overworked Men, and for all
diseases where the tissues are wasting away
from the inability to digest ordinary food,
or from overwork of the brain or body.
all such should take Scott's Emulsion oil
Pure Cod Liver Oil with Hypophosphites.
l used the Emulsion on a lady who was
delicate, and threatened with Bronchitis.
1t put her in such good health and flesh
that l must say it is the best Emulsion
ever used."-L. p. WADDELL, NJ. D.,
Hugh's Mills, S. C..
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1887-05-26

Young or middle-aged men suffering from
nervous debility and kindred weaknesses
should send 10 cents in stamps for large il
lustrated treatise suggesting sure means of
cure. Worlds Dispensary Medical Asso-
citation, Buffalo, n. Y.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1887-05-26

AS a raindrop ~foretells a storm, so does
a pimple upon the human body indicate
Notwithstanding virus in the blood, which
can be neutralized and expelled only by
DR.. Harter's Iron Tonic.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1887-05-26
TO NEBRASKA

We have just issued our 1887 Catalogue.
1t tells all about Binders and will be sent
free to those who mention this paper and
send their address to Aultman, Miller &
Co.. Akron, Ohio.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1887-05-26

DESERVING OF CoNFIDENCE.-There is no
article which SO richly deserves the entire
confidence of the community as Browns
BRONCHIAL TRoCHEs. Those suffering
from Asthmatic and Bronchial Diseases,
Coughs and Colds, should try them.
The McCook tribune. (McCook, Neb.) 1886-1936, 1887-05-26

Mr.. II. Carl. 139 Fourth street, Troy, n.
Y, says: MY daughter had a sprained
ankle; st. Jacobs Oil cured her in a day or
two. My son had rheumatism about nine
years ago, ST. Jacobs OIL cured him; he has
not been affected since" Price Fifty cents.