The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-10-29
BRIGHT BITS.

y Boston PEoNUNcIATIoN.-Sign Tere-
sna Tua is on a starring tua in this countro
She plays the violin, but is, we trust, no amatua
Boston Beacon.
TALaAGE is authority for the statement that
there are no pianos in heaven What's the use
of piano trying to be square or upright, theny
-YOnkcrs Statesman.
BRIDGET. t'ink I'll shave off me galways,"
remarked Mr.. Hoolahan, sadly.
why, Micky?"
1.-THE b'ys is beginning to ask me why don't
put tassels onto that fringe ~ Washington
Critic
WlFB-where shall We put that tall clock?
Husband Well notice it is the style to put
clocks at the head OF the stairs
YES, have noticed that they are often put
there but l should not think it a good place.
Il should think il was temptation for them
to run down. ~ YOHkerS Statesman.
WHEN the family doctor hesitates while writ
ing the prescription, don't let the hard, crystal
lied thought that he don't know Latin come
into your mind. He is simply trying to pull his
brain tissue up to the point OF deciding whether
the corner druggist will pay higher commits
sion on cubebs or dlgtalls.-Iid BITS.
A YOUNG MISS. age ten, whose sister had Just
become engaged TO h physician, was seated at
the SUPPER table with the family. There had
been remarks made and opinions expressed
about the VI. D., when the young miss gave her
opinion as follows: Il think it will be a very
good thing for the doctor, as be can now leave
his babies with Carrie, and not give them all
away to strangers" supper was adjourned
Judge.
A FRIEND IN NEED.,-First Undertaker-Co
around to Ily house tonight.
Second Undertaker-I would, but l have an
engagement.
mo. promised a lady friend of mine to
call this evening and try to cheer up her hus-
band"
'Sick?''
mo. He's q funny man on a newspaper. -
omaha World.
YES. said the customs officer at the hastings,
these free traders, if they had their way,
would abolish all revenue duties. And what
would follow if such condition Of things should
come abOaL?
A thick headed individual n one of the back
seats quickly re- sponded. "Well, suppose you'd
be looking about for job This was proba-
bly, not the correct answer but the speaker
found it impossible to go on with his argument.
Boston transcript.
BURLINGTON HUsnAND-Are you aware, my
dear, that you make away with about $50 a
| wear in horse car fares riding TO your sewing
| society and other meetings?
| Wife-Yes, sir, | an: but | do it for econo-
my's sake. | don't believe you could afford to
| have me walk.
Husband-Why so, pray?
| Wife PERHAPS you are not aware that be-
| tween our house and the post office there are
| four miliiners hops.-BUrttn9ton free Press
A VICTIM OF THE .IEsTERs.-One of our Somer
vile ministers is complaining that ne has q
| grudge against the newspaper para graphers oil
| The country. II used To be kept supplied with
| caintily embroidered slippers all the time y
( saws he hut you fellows have made so many
| Jokes about the practice aud poked so much
| fun at the fair donors that III be hanged-er
that is to say. would be hanged if | were not q
minister-if the other day didn't have to &c
| aud buy pair for myself. '-SomeruiLle Jottl,
| TlGL.
A NEEDED PROFESSIONALISM Man-So you are
from Kansas, Ell?
Stranger-NO, from Missouri l am from
| Kansas City Missouri.
.Of course, l forgot. Your friend is from
| Michigan, believe"
No from lndiana--Michigan City. Indiana.
We are both going to Kansas to found a new
| town. but we need more capital.
| well I'll go in with you if you'll promise not
| to call it Massachusetts City, Kansas Omaha
! World.
Two WAYS OF SEEING THrNGs.-First Anarch
| ist-Look at that rich man now; too lazy to
| drive bis own horses.
Second Anarchist-Yes, has to have private
coachman to hold the reins while he lays back
| in the cushions.
At Another Corner-First Business Mani de
clare if there isn't old Scrouge doing his own
| driving.
Second Business Mau-Yes, he's so Internally
mean and stingy that he discharged his coach
| man, poor man with a large family, because
| he thought him an unnecessary expense
| Omaha World.
"AND what does your husband do for a
livin':" asked Mrs. Chatterwell during her first
| call on a new ueighbor.
Hes a reporter"
| "A WHAT"
"A newspaper reporter; he goes about every
| where learns all the news and takes it to the
"And do they pay for that?" shreked Mrs,
! Chatterwell, rising to her feet in sheer amaze
| ment.
Yes; $50 a month"
ooh mercy on me I've lost more'n $50 900
| good money since I've lived in Talkertown."
| She makes a straight rush for the newspaper
| office.-JOufndGiSt.