Morning journal and courier., 1887-12-17
AVERAGE.

The most unkindest cut of all is to be found in the average $S suit of clothes.- Puck.
 The bride never disposes of such dupli- cate wedding presents as thousand dollar cheeks.-Puck.
 Too cold for ice cream and no sleighing. The young man who can't save money now never can.-Albany Journal.
 Irate student-Don't you ever sweep under the bed, I'd like to know?
 Calm cham bermaid-I always do; I prefer it to dustpan.-Harvard Lampoon.
 stIt's an i'll wind that blows nobody good," said the Thanksgiving turkey, as a cyclone whir1ed him from under the farm CTS uplifted hatchet into the next county Tid-Bits.
 Miss Waldo (of Boston)-Are you an ad- mirer of Emerson, MT. Wabash?
 Mir. Wabash (of Chicago)-Oh, yes, Miss Waldo, never failed to see him when he came to Chicago. Poor Billy he was a very funny man.-New York Sun.
 A young man who was examined for an appointment as a department clerk came across this question: 'tWhat States and ter ritories would you cross in going from New York to the Pacific coast?' He didn't know, and so he wrote: FtNone. I would go around by Cape Horn"
 Mamma, what's hereditary" asked Bob by. iaboriously tripping over the syllablec of the long word. ''Why, it is-anyt thing you get from your father or me-" replied the mother, a little puzzled for definition suited to his years. Silence for two minutes. ''Then, ma," he asked, ''is spankin' heredita- ryf''
 'tMa," said little Scranton student of natural history yesterday, ''do frogs go fo Ireland in the winter time, when everything is froze up?" "No, my dear; why do you ask such question i'' Because teacher says they always hibernate in winter" was the reply of the observing young hopeful Scranton Truth.
 George D. Smith of Macon, Ga., referred to George R. Shine, an acquaintance, a person ''pot fit for fish bait," and the latter has sued him for 5000 damages. MT. Shine may be able to show at the trial that he is fit for fish bait, but for bass fshin g we should prefer crabs or live minnows.- Norristown Herald.
 Teacher-s'Yes, children, the hairs of our head are all numbered" Smart boy (pulling out hair and presenting it)-"Well, what's the number of this hair?" Teacher-"Num- Der one, Johnny; and" (pulling out several more) sfthese are numbers two, three, four, five, six Anything else you want to known Smart boy-'fN-no, sir."-Harper's Bazar. Gentleman-''Is your husband in, Mrs. Hendricks? I want to see him on some i'm portant business" Mrs. Hendricks-'I am very sorry, but he has gone for a days shoot ing" Gentleman-"Has he been gone long3''
 Mrs. Hendricks-"No, he started not five | minutes ago, and perhaps, if you make haste, you can catch him at the butchers. Epoch. Wife-(returned from church, h)-"You should have heard Mir. Goodman's sermon | this morning, my dear. don't know when l anything has made such a profound impress | sion upon me-" Husband-"Did you walk home?" Wife-''No, took 8 street car;
 and do you know, John, the conductor never asked for my fare. Wasn't I lucky?"-The | Epoch.
 Little Nell-'tMamma, my dolls broke
 her head" Mamma-"You careless child,
 how did that happena" 'She broke her
 head her own self; she stumbled off the | chair" ''Now see here. Nell, dolls can't | tumble off chairs themselves" "Why, yes
 they can, mamma; tumbling off is easy
 enough. It's holding on that they can't do , Omaha World.