Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-08-06

[ nave uII"UC,i. -: InC Oid lady nave luukcd
/ - all-ahroad, ! could not GWrs~, hut aS
/ people were beginning IN come int" church
I in considerable numbers | drew toward
the ChanCrl steps ~coursing ~ 1 went.
and then. we reached the chancel gate.
! paused, intending, before we parted. 10
make some allusiuu to having met them in
+ oxford. The elderly lady. however, mis-
took me. She stopped AT the foot of the
steps, where her head Was still slightly
/ above mine, and bringing her hand ont Of
/ her pocket where She had been fumbling,
slipped half crown into my palm and
said. There. my little man. that will do,
/ You've got il all very nicely: now | must
/ just give ynu one kiss. my dear and with
. that |. YES |, was kissed publicly on my
/ own ChanCrl steps under my own rood
screen. before the eyes of my own pastor
| and flock "Oh, Yes! desr little fellow.
cried the young ladies, he is so pert and
cunning" and they too kissed me with
great goodwill | stood with flaming
! cheeks and mouth aCapc. the half crown
still i'll my hand, watching them rs they
| complacently rrtreatcd down the aisle.
. Then, when they had disappeared. reused
by the litter Of ladies and the outlaws of
my fellow Clergy at the vestry door, fed
hastily and buried by bushes among the
registers and surplices Of the yestry.
/ Ii was useless to remain in that parish.
The conduct Of the congregation next
! Sunday, when stepped forth TO read the
lesson. proved that 10 demonstration. OF
/ course such story had spread like wild
! fire. The church was crammed, and when
/ in reading about David, who was ''ruddy
and withal Of "A beautiful countenance,'
/ came 10 the words, Look not on his
| countenance or on the height Of his stat
ure" there arose such a stitied laughter
rs sounded like the wind among dry
/ leaves. | stopped short, consumed with
shame and modification, unable 10 see the
| book for tears. and then, with an astute-
hess | did not know | possessed, judi
ciously tainted away and WAS borne out
/ like n child in the arms of the basso
/ blacksmith.
! II was skillful stroke and might have
| retrieved me, but could not brook 10 re-
| main there longer. BY the assistance of
the archdeacon and the consent of the
/ bishop. who tried hard not TO laugh while
/ he gave ii. | was transferred to another
county. But though no like blow fell on
me there, ! saw the attempt WAS useless.
! Did | 20 Ia school 20 catechise or eXhOrt
/ the boys, my presence was signal for
! disorder As a matter Of course my au-
| thority was disregarded. Girls chatted
/ under my nose, boys extracted from
! dirty breeches packets pegtops and
! toffee before my very eyes, and even
! looked To me for encouragement, and if
| the master was forced to come 10 the
rescue and cane a lad. the ingenious youth
| would appeal 10 me, with an air that said
Q
alley tors are: Why don't you put stop
/ 10 this grown up tyranny' Have you no
! fellow feeling At baptisms mothers re-
! fused Ia let me offiCiate upon the bawling
I infant, vuwing they weren't 8gOin' 10 let
that theer careless boy play no tricks with
! the blessed baby" Ny ministrations pro-
voked hilarity ut funerals, and once an
| irate virago, with whom | was eNpostu-
lating Oh the wiCkedness of her ways.
soused me neck and crop, clerical hat and
all, into her soapsuds and washtub.
With much pain l dropped my holy
calling. Marriage and a literary life alb
/ sorbed some years. l strove-heayen
knows how earnestly-to correct the vice
of my appearance, but the more l ad-
vanced in life the more absurd matters
( grew Occasional glimpSes Of hope only
I DTDNttl ttiI>iNt anu HIullEtl tilt
/ again into darker despair. II | have
/ tried one patent infallible whisker pro-
/ ducer have tried twenty. ! have been a
/ mine Of wealth TO BARRIERS. Fluids that
/ would make an elm plank shaggy simply
! make my checks look chapped. Many a
| time have | gone to rest dauhed with
I pomade only To find i'll the morn
/ ing that it had fled from my chin in
] 81, ,s.rl,g h., .Fr,l
! ground on the pillow. Once slight
| downy efiiorescence made its appearance
/ under my jaw, and for days was almost
/ delirious with joy, and walked the streets
| with my chin in the air To show my
manly beard. Alas, like Jonah's gourd,
! it withered in one night, as il grew. Sud
! denly il dropped off and left my face hair
/ less as the sole of my foot At 40 l still
/ looked like II.
! But though | looked rs IL time had
| stood still with me, in fact it has made
| as good haste as with other folks. My
wife is half as tall again as l, and twice
as heavy. When give her my arm she
puts her fingers into my armpit, and peo-
! pie are ceasing to take her for my
! mother and think / am her grandchild.
am blest with n hopeful young family, a
| boy and bony, awkward girl, who looks
already over the crown of my head and
| has to stoop down TO kiss me. The boy
| do think an extraordinary creature. He
! is not more than is, but he looks as much
| older than his age as l, SO to speak, look
Younger than mine. He is tall and
| burly, and has mighty mature and
! lumpish look The beard which fate
! has denied me adorns him, and with a
! double portion. and, now that his voice
/ has broken and settled itself into a kind
| Of hoarse bray, boyish is the last word 10
! apply To him.
| | took him down the other day to Harl-
borough school to enter him there. My
railway journey was neither more
nor less Of misery TO me than
usual An economically minded ticket
inspector remarked considerably TO
NV son. I'D have passed him
with half ticket, sir, You needn't have
got a whole 'un." went TO the refresh
ment room and asked for "A four of whisky.
The young lady behind the bar leant over
and cried, oh, you horrid little boy,
shan't give You nothing but glass of
milk and a bun, not if You was ever 50.
To think of the likes Of You wanting fOurs
of Scotch, iusieedr' and IA hurly country
man standing by smote me on the hack
till choked, and guffawed. ''Haw! Haw,
Thee'rt a good 'un. ! lo,kes thy cheek,
little chop, and in trying 10 force on Inc
a drink of his beer co!drivcd to pour
some half pint into my neck and waistcoat
and then cursed me for his own clu:nsi-
ness. The bookstall man treated me with
polite indifference and EGi:. no more at
tention to me than To spaniel. Finally,
when a grim old lady got into our smok
nIg Carriage sne nxed me Win n stony eye
and said. Obi you nasty little boy
smoking at your age! Where do you eX-
pect to L" to- and proceeded to take my
pipe away from me: while the other pas
senCcrs said. Well, he is too young 10 b.