News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-09-29
GOOD FORTUNE.

| back bone was broken.
Mrs. Error-Yes, broken in two places.
) But do you think it unfortunate.
Sympathizing Friend-Why, yes.
don't you
Mrs. Error-Oh, no. You see he won't
have to play again for three weeks.
TOO CONSCIENTIOUS.
Gentleman Ito Uncle Rastus): 81 won.
der, Uncle Rastus, that YOU don't marry
again. Your wife has been dead over
year, hasn't she r.
Uncle Rastus: eyes, sab, but Use too
conscientious fo' teE marry agin under
de circumstances.
Gentleman: ''How is that?'
Uncle Rastus: 9Well, yo' see, sab,
Use nebber paid To- de grayes4one yit.
JEALOUS OF HOMO MISSIONS.
Cannibal King S y iih1ss;sa5F.,,-44seeoming ed
ucated)-Ha what is this I see in the
paper? Are you Christians wasting
money on fresh air fund?
Missionary-Oh, dear l wish he
had never learned to read
Cannibal King-There must be no
more of this foohshness, my good sir!
Any spare money You have must come
to us, or into the pot you go!-Iid Bits.
CHARLEY WAS HAsTY.
She: "Charley, that was awfully brave
in you to stop the runaway team. Why,
mamma might have been killed.
He: $50 she might, by George
never thought of that
She; "What in the world do you
mean?''
He: why, only-that is, L
She: ''Good night, sir. - - omaha
World.
CHILDISH LOGIC.
Miss Birdie McGinnis complains of
headache. Her little sister Molly has
toothache. Miss Birdie says:
"Molly, you must have tha5 tooth
pulled if it aches. 1t is hollow inside"
''Sister Birdie, don'tyour head ache?"
eyes"
''Then you must have your head
pulled. It's holler inside. "-Teras Sitt-
ings.
HAVING A NICE TIME.
Hostess Cat an evening gentertainment)
-'Do you sing, MI. sissy"
Mr.. Sissy (who sings on the slightest
provocatiOn)-"O yes.
| Hostess-'I am so glad. Mr. Feath-
| erly is about to favor us with a song and
you, being musical, will enjoy it I'm
sure. He has such fine voice
Sissy hates Featherly,-Tems Siftings.
WHAT HE WOULD SAY.
''What would you say, young
man. said an eminent prohibitionist,
''if / were to tell you that never enter
ed whisky saloon in my life?"
"What would I say2" repeated the
young man slowly and thoughtfully
''Well, sir, Iwould say that the drug
stores in your vicinity have been play
ing in big luck"
THE LESSER EVIL.
Mullin-Oi hev a climber in me eve,
from tn gas house!
Mrs Mullin-Sorra, sorra, This is
pfwhat Yell do. Hould yer nose wild |
wan hand; TURN tn lid av .yure oye in
sidy-ou W. ttl1--5I' ' re 1177t s1,1177 ~
shut, an shneeze like tn evil one!
Mullin-Oi t'ink Oi'n kape tn chin
der, Rosie
FATE OF CITY DUDE.
Robert wore crimson scarf
Coming through the rye;
There was Farmer Browns young bull
Standing idly by.
Reader, you have guessed the rest;
Drop silent tear
''Dead, by gosh !" said Farmer Brown
THAT makes three this year"
It'd Bits.
COOKS CREDENTIALS.
A young woman presented herself at a
restaurant and asked for the position of
cook.
"What can you do?' asked the pro
prietor.
81 can make seventy sandwiches with
only quarter of a pound of butter. y
Judge.
WHEN GREEK MEETS GREEK.
Pack Peddler: Of sell all my goots
as cheap as sell you clo-az, my family
vouldt haft to eat snow soup all dis
winter.
Farmer Skinfint: Vol, I'll trade you
apples for the cut an vest. Your family
can have pie all winter.
A COOL DEED.
81 saw cool deed this morning." re-
marked Fangle at the supper table.
''What was it?" asked his wife, with
deep interest
1.-The title to an icehouse," " replied the
wretch. Life.
WHERE THEY ALL GO.
Dealer (to customer): "What do YOU
do with all the lead pencils you buy,
Mr.. Smith You are in here every day
for one"
Customer: 81 know it. I lend them
to my wife.
NOT A LIBERAL PROVIDER.
Husband Ito wife)-Why is it, Sarah,
that you don't improve faster in your
cooking?
Wife-It's because have so very little
material to practice on, l suppose.
GOOD ADVICE.
Do not give boy kitten for play
mate; give him a puppy. Boy and kit
ten will grow mp into molly-coddle
and cat. Boy and puppy will grow
up into a young NAV and dog.
ODDS AND ENDS.
SOME of the best blood in the land
now runs through the mosquito veins.
No GIRL should permit any fellow to
"dote upon her, as the anti-dote is sure
to follow.
A MAN escaped from Rhode Island
Jail by making rope of newspapers
twisted together. This certainly was
demonstrating anew the powers of the
press.
'PAPA, does stand for szic?'"
"Why, there isn't any such word as
'zic, my son. ooh, yes there is; don't
you remember? When you say, pie
zic scuse me = -
No MAN can go into bad company
without suffering for it. The homely
old proverb has it very tersely, ga man
can't bite the bottom out of n frying pan
without shutting his nose"
IT is reported that negro woman
living near Sunny Side, Ga, has two
children-a boy and girl. The girl
she named 81 will arise and 90 to nv
father" but calls her 81 willer." for
short. The boys name is ''Only begot-
ten son, in whom | am well pleased ="
but he is called "Only."
AN INDIAN GRA9E.-A recent fresbet
in Wilkes county, Ga, washed away