The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1887-02-16
ABOUT BABIES
some Observation. BY an Unmarried Man.

Some Observations by an Unmarried Man.
The baby, according to my observation.
Is In almost all climates, and at all sea
sons OF the year. nocturnal In It's habits.
1t Is also durnal a good share of the
time; but this. OF course, Is fact not
worth mentioning.
Unlike the young OF most other species,
the baby does not recognize any pirental
distinctions. but will lament as bitterly
while riding on the paternal arm ut the
witchlng hour OF midnight as when
clasped tenderly to the mothers bosom
at sunny midday. It's sole creed and
language Is a cry; and no Christian or
heather ever lived up to creed with
more conscientious fidelity than does
the baby
The baby Is not partial to paresorie:
that Is falling OF its parents. For
Itself, the infant would much prefer la
mentation between meals To sleep. But
there Is a limit to all things, and thank
heaven paregoric Is cheaper than en-
durance.
Judging from my personal experience,
a large share OF the baby's early life ~
passed on the cars. / do not know that
| ever entered car without finding
baby ahead Of me. l always bface my
self for the wall the minute open
Ia here. The car may be fan OF pas
sengers. but for all practica, purposes
1t Is occupied entirely by the infant.
II Is my firm conylctiol that babies
do not llketo travel. may he mistaken.
for base my judgment entirely upon ap-
pcarances, but have never yet seef Is
baby who seemed TO be perfectly sii-
tlsiIed with tho arrangements provided
for the comfort OF the travelling public
by neutrality-suspicious..
Why under these circumstances, babies
should 10 compelled 10 travel ] cannot
comprehend. Perhaps II Is beeeuEe their
fond but unseliish parents wish the
world TO share with them tho wnsomc-
ness and loveliness OF Infancy. ! boz
lleve this y the explanation usually
given by conductors.
But there Is one disagreeai,le feature
about babics-I will not say which one
some people think 1t is the nose. others
tho hair. However that may be- sou are
expected TO admire the little brutes just
| ns much as IL they were really beauti.
| full
The fond mother will never forgive you
| II you don't say something real sweet
| about her cherub. You must disguise
| your real sentiments, and deal II
yeneercd platitudes OF the too-sweet
! for-anything and perfectly-angelic stamp
Don't liken the infant to its father
especially II that gentleman Is Slightly
bald and II just beginning to cultivate .
sunset tinge at the tip Of his nose. ia,
| that the babe resembles It's mother, and
| you are safe. II you add that it is !
remarkably charming and beautiful child
| yon are In q fair way TO reduce YOU
boarl-bill by becoming frequent CUES
| at the house OF the little stranger
The BEST way to get along Will
babies IL 10 remember that you were
once one yourself
Your nose was just as red and indeter
| minate rs that; your hair WAS just a'
scanty and colorless.
You also bawled from morning Ill
night and from night till morning, am
visited the iotosland OF slumber only u.
the perfunetory path Of paregorie.
fon pulled the paternal hair am
pounded the paternal eyes with you
little fists.
You kept the whole house awake witt
the ebullltions Of your empty woe: go
sucked your thumbs and your toes an
your bottle like all the rest Of them.
4 But you are grown up, and the present
baby II not.
That Is the difference.--fP Puck.