davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14
De Properest Way.

(which am the properest way t.
suppress oneself? Does yer say
we eated at the table, or we ha'
dun ate at the table p asked on,
Texas darky of another, they being
engaged in a grammatical discussion
AS they could not agree, the question
was referred to Uncle Nose for his de
cision, which was "In de case oh y, u
two niggahs none oh you am right
"What am de proper way to say
I'VE eated at de table. Uncle Nose z
"De properest way for sich cattle as
YOU two am to say: we fed at ds
troft."-Texas Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

A poeticsl newspaper man puts it
this way: Tell me We angelic hosts,
ye messengers of love. shall swindled
printers here below, have no redress
above" The angels Topped their
wings and said: "To you hope is
given delinquents on printers book
can never enter heaven."-Detroit
Dash.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

1.-TWO knots an hour isn't such bad
time for clergyman" smilingly said
the minister to himself, Just after he
had united the second couple.-Mer.
chant Traveller.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

There is musical revival in pro-
gress in the country. All classes and
conditions are taking lessons. Even
choir singers are learning to sing
Boston Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

basiness Cards. one year. one dollar rer line
Loed notices, among local rcaGi; g matter, ten
'ents per liaa for each insertion.
business notices nve cents per line each insertion.
Births, Marriages ana Deaths free.
Obituaries, Re"oluu0ns, Cards CT Thanks etc,
Al aJvcrtisiDs rates.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14
No Chance to Kick.

George" said the President of a
Virginia railroad to his Secretary,
"are those pamphlets descriptive Of
the scenery along our route ready to
send out yeti"
"Yes, sir; all ready"
"very we'll, George. Have the
passenger agents distribute them next
week, and the week after I'll change
the schedule, so as to have all trains
run through by nigbt."-Wall Street
News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

1t is said that the cowboys of Texas
all voted for prohibition. They are
probably tired of shooting men for
refusing to drink with them.-San
Francisco Alta.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

Chicago consumes 10000 pies every
day for breakfast. This is the only
kind of "early piety" known in that
city.-Burlington Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

Sam Jones told the Baltimore peo.
pie that they were a "silly crowd"
and they paid him $50 night and
proved the statement true.-Hartford
Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

An exchange asks innocently :
"What is the first thing raised in the
springi" Experience answers sadly,
"Rent Pm. Y. Star.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

"Berty" wants to know how he can
retain the love of his sweetheart, Eliz
abeth. Eternal vigilance is the price
of Lib, Berty.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

"Why do you call him pie ?" "Be-
cause I like him." "But you say that
he distresses you awfully." $50 does
pie."-Boston Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

Yes, my boy, you may fight with
the little brown jug, but you can nev-
er liquor.-Duluth Paragrapher.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

Uncle Jobn-Wby, my girl, you've
grown like a cucumber vine! What
progress are you making towards
matrimony' Clara--Well, Uncle
I'm on my fifth lap.-New Haven
News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

you've got the drop on me-" as
the paper said to the ink blot
Charlestown Enterprise
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

Woman's sphere, since bustles be-
gan to come into fashion. has been
greatly enlarged Peoria Transcript
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

Now is the time when the managers
If fall fairs fall foul of each other
PhiladelDbia News.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

Midnight burglar (sternly)-"Give
me your watch p Humorous Mr.
Poggs-"Certainly. sir. There you
are it's a Waterbury" Burglar (re-
coiling)-"Great heavens, man! do
YOU take me for an organ grinder '"--
The Colonel.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

"Stay. jailer, stay; am not mad"
commenced the amateur elocutionist
to an audience of which Mr.. Origins
was one.
"No. B'gosh, We amt got no cause
to be. Us fellers out hereis the ones. "
Critic.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14
WIT AND HUMOR.

Throw pbysic to your neighbor's
dog Boston Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

Blobson (to Popinjay, in carriage)
We'll, I declare you have come
out with gray hairs in your beard
since I saw you last.
Popinjay-Don't doubt it. I've
been waiting for my wife to come out
of this dry goods store.-Burlington
Free Press.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14
Duncan A. Cameron MI O. N

Graduate McGill University, Montreal, late house
surgeon Montreal General Hospital. Diseases of
eyes and ears specially. Office with DIR. Wilkin-
son. Second street. 736
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

"Oh, that went for trip to Europe,
a lot of diamonds and into the hands
of the gamblers. No crook gets any
good out of his boobies. ."-Ex
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14

Facetious customer don't think
you ought to charge full price for a
head like mine; ought to reduce
about half.
Barber-No, sab. Couldn't afford.
yo' see. Hits offset on account Of
having to hunt for de heyar to cut
Harper's Bazar.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-14
WIM. p. MAIDEN. AZ. ID.

Physician, Surgeon, Gynecol ogist, Etc.,
Late Asst. Surgeon U. 8. Army; Ex xsmining Sur
geon for u S. Pensioners, and all the principal Life
Insurance Co.'s. Residence and office on Second
St., nearly opposite the Union House.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1887-11-28
A HEARTLESS WRETCH.

Tho Cruel Words lie spoke to a
Bcggar and the Answer They
Elected.
He was handsome man, rs men 90
IA giant in frame and straight as an
Indian. but slightly disiigured by q pro
minent foreground that suggested high
living. His hat was of the shiniest
silk, his clothing fashionable and
elegant, and his umbrella gold-handled,
while n blazing brilliant nestled in the
Knot of his four-in-haud tic. With a
firm tread and naughty carriage he
issued from the Twenty-fourth street
entrance TO the Hoffman house last
evening and halted for moment on
the granite steps. AS he was about TO
move away small withered hand and
bony wrist were thrust before him in u
mute appeal for assistance The hand
belonged to n woman, or rather the
wreck of what had once been II
woman. She was bent and aged.
haggard and thin, and her nakedness
was barely hidden beneath her tattered
garments. Her gray struggling hair
hung closely about her scrawny neck,
for she had not even ragged hat. The
bones of her face showed painfully
through the tightly drawn skin. and
her eyes, faded and lustcrless, were
sunken deeply in their sockets. The
picture OF misery touched not the heart
or sympathes of the man OF wealth.
Raising his umbrella with q threaten
ing gesture, he exclaimed:
''Bc off, beggar; I've nothing for you.
You ought to be at work earning an
honest living instead OF hanging
around here importuning everybody
you meet for money. Be of, or I'll
turn you over TO an officer"
These words were magical in their
effect The poor, shattered form of
The suppliant woman Strengthened up to-
is full height. the lusterless eyes
brightly once more with the
light of an unuttcrabe scorn. but the
.hin lips quivered with the pain that
he cruel words had inf cted. There
vas no need for more. Her very
attitude. the expression upon her face.
should have been rebuke enough, but
he finally burst forth into burning,
PASSIONATE speech, and this is what shes
aid:
Git out yez drthy blaygard. Spake,
lnither word til me and OH kick the
ed nose Off yez face. "-New York.,
Times.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1887-11-28

recently brought out 10 the stores u
dealers. A large proportion Of farm
ors receive tho Illustrated catalogue OF
implement dealers and manufacturers.
1t 10 no longer necessary to attend IN
agricultural fair to acquire information
about farm machinery. As with ma
chimes and implements. breeds OF ami
mails and fowls. so with varieties oil
fruit, grain, and vegetables. They have
all become very common. for they are
found in every city or village market
Besides, illustrations OF them have ap-
poared in papers and in the catalogues
OF nursery men and seedsmen. In seed
stores one can see greater variety Of
oil kinds OF grain and better specimens
Of each than at any fair The agricult.
ural fair was very useful rs means OF
imparting instruction. But during the
past few years 1t has been superseded
by other agencies. part OF which have
been mentioned.
In view OF these things it does not
appear strange that the managers OF
fairs have been obliged to present new
attractions In order to attract visitors.
1t is now evident that fairs are in
transitive state. They are c0mbina-
tions OF the useful and the pleasing
the latter predominating. 1t is evident
that the farmers institute is now re-
garded by most persons interested in
agriculture with more favor than the
fairs. as greater amount OF practical
information can DO obtained from one.
Most farmers are now well informed
about breeds OF animals and fowls, the
different varieties Of grain, fruit, and
vegetables. and the many kinds of i'm.
plements and machines They want
information in regard to farm manage.
ment, the treatment OF soils. the raising
of crops. the breeding of stock, and the
establishment of diaries This they can
acquire at farmers institute much
better than at fair At the latter they
have used their eyes TO good advantage.
and they now need 10 learn through
their ears. At farmers institute nc
attempt Is ordinarily made to make the
exercises other than instructive. Scien.
tific and practical knowledge is impart'
ed by experts to persons who desire Il
be instructed rather than amused.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1887-11-28
Sunday Thoughts.

Just and rational principles of relig-
ion should ill up that room in the
minds of men. which dangerous fanat-
acism will otherwise usurp.
Fame floats on the breath of multi
tudc; honor rests on the augment OF the
thinking.
Genuine virtue has language that
speaks to every heart throughout the
world. 1t is a language which is under.
stood by all.
Manlness and scnsibiity are so f;r
from being incompatible. that the truly
brave are for the most part generous,
and humane; while the soft and effemi-
nate are hardly capable of any vigor-.
Gus cxertion OF affection.
Never delay till tomorrow what rea-
son and conscience tell you ought to be,
performed to-day Tomorrow is not
yours; and though you should live anil
enjoy ii, YOU must not overload il with
Il burden not its own
Futurity is the great object on which
the imagnations of men are cmployed;
for the sake Of which the past is forgot.
ten and The present too often neglect
ed.
Let not your expections from the
years that are 10 come raise too h;ght
and your disappointments win be fcwes
and more easily supported. = Gt;caga
Sunday National
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1887-11-28
TIT Hat
Ais
YoU7

Dc you feel dull, languid, low-spritcd, life
less, and indcscrbably miserable, both physi-
cally and mentally; experience sense OF
fullness or bloating after eating. or Of "gonos
ing, tongue coated, bitter or bad taste in
headaches, blurred cycsglit, floating specks"
before the eyes, nervous prOstratiOn or ex-
haustlon. irritabllity. OF temper, hot fliIshes,
alternating with chilly sensations. sharp,
feet, drowsincss after meals, wakefulness or
disturbed and unrcfreshing sleep. constant
indescrIbable feeling OF dread, or OF inpend-
ing calamity?
Of these symptoms, you. are suffering from
that most common OF American maladies-
Bilious Dyspepsia, or Torpid Liver associated
with Dyspepsia or Indigestion. The more
complicated your disease has become, the
greater the number and diversity of symp-
DR.. Picrce's Golden Medical Discovery
will subduc II, IL taken according to direc-
tons for reasonable length of time. II not
cured, complications multiply and C0nsump-
rheumatism, Kidney Disease, or other grave
mnladics are quite liable TO set In and, sooner
or later, induce u fatal termination.
DR.. Picrce's Golden Medical Dis.
c0very nots powerfully upon the Liver, and
through that treat blood. purifying organ,
puritcs, from whatever cause arising. II IL
cfllcacious In acting upon the Kid
ncye. and other excretory organs cleansing,
aud healing their diseases. As
an appetizing, restorative. tonic, It promotes
digestion and nutrition, thereby building up
both flesh and strength. In malarial districts
this wonderful medicine hns gained great
celebrity In curing Fever and Ague, Chills and
Fever, Dumb Ague, and kindred diseases.
Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Dis
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1887-11-28

besides lending a charm TO the sur.
rounding scenery furnishes the town OF
Truxillo with drinking water Itis
brought into town by the Carib women
in jugs. for which they charge hall
real jug.
II Is a strange sight to witness these
Carib women, with n shawl. sometimes
of wool, generally of silk. thrown,
mantilia fashion. over their heads and
their shoulders, arms and feet, without
any covering save what Dame Nature
provided.
We crossed immense powders and
rode up steep, rocky activities, and i
really thought was performing quito
wonderful feats in horsemansliip. but
when | remarked my prowess was
told in the coolest possible way that /
had nothing to do in the matter: my
horse did the work. All l had to do
was TO sit still.
Some three or four years ago two
young men from New Orleans came
down TO Truxillo, and stariei store
in very small way; now they have
built II large, fine building. and are
doing n llourishing business lin fact
they are on the road to making their
fortune. Their store was completed
about two months ago, and instead OF
putting up the proverbial roof tree,
they holsted the American flag.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1887-11-28
STIFF JOINTS.
A Most Remarkable Case Of
Scrofula and rheumatism.

have a little boy twelve years old whose
knees have been drawn almost double and
his joints are perfectly stiff, and has been
In this condition three years nable 10 walk.
During that time the medical board Of Lou
don county examined him and pronounced
the disease crofsila and prescribed, but no
benefit ever derived. 1 then used much
advertised preparation without benefit.
Three weeks ago he became perfectly help
less and suffered dreadfully. A friend who
bad used b. b. b. advised its use He has
used one bottle and all pain has ceased and
he can new walk. This has been pro-
nounced most wonderful action, % bis
complaint has bafled every thing. 1 shall
continue 10 use Il on him.
MRS. EMMA 0RIFFITHs.
Uuitia. Tenn, March 2, 1883.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1887-11-28
A TONGUE IN KNOTS.

Louisiana while working for the Telegraph
company, and used every kind Of medicine
/ could hear Of without relief. l at last
succeeded In breaking the fever but 1t cost
me over $4,000, and then my system was
Frustrated and saturated with maIarial
poison and l became helpless. finally
came here, nv mouth SO filled with sores
raw and filled with little knots. Various
remedies were resorted to without effect.
l bought two bottles of b. b. b. and It has
cured and strengthened me. All sores of
my mouth are healed and my tongue en-
tirely clear OF knots and soreness and feel
like new man.
jackson, Tenn, April 90 1880.
A. +. BRITTON.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1887-11-28
CURES ALL HuM0RS,

worst Scrofun. Salt-rheum, "Fcver-sores,"
Scaly or Rough Skin, In short, all diseases
caused by bad blood are conquered by this
powerful, purifying. and invigorating medi-
Its benign influence. Especially has II mani
tested its potency In curing letter Eczenn,
ErysIpelas, I}oils, Carbuncles Sore Eyes, Scrof-
nlons Sores and Swellings, Hip-Joint Disease,
"whitc Swcllings," Goitre, or Thick Neck,
and Enlarged Glands. Send ten cents In
sta,aps for large Treatise, with colored
plates. on Skin Diseases, or the same amount
FOR Treatise on Scrofulous Affections
"FOR TIE BLOOD Is THE LIFE"
Thoroughly cleanse 1t by using DR.. Plerce's
Golden Medical Discovery, and good
strength ana bodily health Mil be established.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1887-11-28
Liver. Blood. and LunuS
WEBB CITY, ARK, BLOOD

Having tested b. b. b, and found 1t to be
ali that Is claimed for 1t, commend 1t to
any and every one suffering from blood
poison. 1t has done me more good for less
money an IN shorter space Of time than
any blood purifier ever used. owe the
comtert OF my life to its use, for j have
been troubled with a severe form of blood
poison for or years and found no relief
equal to that given by the use Of b. b. b.
w. q. MCGAUHEY.
Webb City, Ark, May 8, 1886.
All who desire full information about the
cause and cure Of Blood Poisons. Scrofula
and Scrofulous Swellings, Ulcers, Sores,
rheumatism, Kidney Complaints, Catarrh,
e.c., can secure by mail, free, copy Of bur
80 page Illustrated Book of Wonders, filed
with the most wonderful and startling
proof ever before known.
Address, BLOOD BALM CO.,
Atlanta, Ga.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-05-06

Among the. fashionable combinations
black and yellow felains iis popularity.
Colored silk handkerchiefs, with
striped and dotted borders. are used for
trimming hats and bonnets.
Tulle, gauze, silk null, crepe tsse and
various other gauzy fabrics are largely
used for bonnet and hat trimmings,
mixed with loops of picot edged velvet
ribbon, into which are set large clusters
of flowers.
Silk gloves are much worn IA the even
ing in England now, and are manufac-
tnred in all lengths, even to those worn
with sleeveless frocks. The prettiest are
perfectly plain, but those who demand
ornament can have it III lace bands and
with evening dress seems to be in ite
proper place.
There are many rose tints among the
new colors which viii probably take the
place of the brilliant cardinal red shades
of previous seasons These rose shades
are shown in various tones of color from
rose" to the brilliant Charles X c0lors,
which repeat the shades and tints of the
wild rose, and are usually called "eglan-
tine" colors.
The Swiss belt in plush or velvets
forms perfect finish to the full bodice Of
a wooden or .fostlard toilette The collar
and cuffs should match the belt
Bonnets and hats are not SO high as
they were, but they are still abundantly
trimmed with flowers, ribbon-loops, and
feathers. In fact, it Is more than ever
the trimming that makes the bonnet.
Ribbon tied about Flora cFlimsey's
neck is wider than heretofore worn, and
is tied in what Vassar girls call a
smashing bow under the left ear.
With tulle or lace neckwear small
brooches of rare workmanship win be
worn.
The edelweiss in silver or enamel is a
favorite design for pins and earrings.
The higher now the parlor lamp the
more fashionable, and it is still the reign
of brass
A long brass rod, at the top Of which
is lamp with pink sunshade or parasol,
is called the piano lamp now, and no
fashionable family should be without one.
Silk hangings now take the place Of
wall paper in the most fashionable
houses
In Paris gentlemen's street gloves are
mouse color with ponderous stitching of
black. NORMA BLAKE.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-05-06
MARRIED IN HASTE.
The "Wild Irish Girrs'' Summary Nup
tials One january Morning.

The sWild Irish GirIs'' Summary Nup-
tials One january Morning.
Sidney Owenson, Lady Morgan, authoress
of the "Wild Irish Girl, was generally
known among her acquaintance by the
sobriquet of "Gloryina," from the prin-
cipal character in that work
Her marriage with Sir Charles Morgan, M
D., was chiefly brought about Jby Lord and
Lady Abercorn, her patrons and friends j; for
though deeply in love with her future hus-
band, Miss 0wenson loved her liberty and
put off the wedding until Sir Charles lost pa
thence.
At last she was fairly caught in the tolls.
One January morning she was reading by
the fire in the library at Baron's Court (Lord
Abercorn's residence) when Lady Abercorn
opened the door and said:
'Glorvina, come upstairs directly and be
married. There must be no more trifingp'
Her ladyship took Miss Owenson's arm
and led her upstairs to her dressing-room
(both ladies were in their morning wrappers),
where table was arranged for the ceremony
the family chaplain standing in full canon
icals, with his book open, and Sir Charles
ready to receive her. There was no escape
left. The ceremony proceeded and the Wild
Irish Girl was married past redemption.
The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1887-05-06
WHAT'S THE GOOD or Irs
A Humorist's Objections to the Interstate
commerce Law.

A Humorist's Objections to the Interstate
commerce Law.
There is neat Latin phrase that would
make more scholarly title for this para
graph, but some ignorant beggar always runs
away with the dictionary when we want to
be classical. But what we want to say is
this about the interstate commerce bill,
for instance. After reading few thousand
comments on the same from all sections of
the country, we are firmly convinced
That it will make freight rates higher:
That it will increase the price of passenger
tickets;
That it will abolish Communication tickets;
That it will call in all free passes;
That it will increase the running expenses
of the railroads
That it will bankrupt the Western farmers
and shippers i
That it will ruin the Eastern merchants
That many railroads can't run at all
under it
That all others will run at great loss.
And that nobody can afford to travel
under it.
We are therefore CONVINCED that anarchy.
chaos and the bill are coming along hand ii
hand, or rather we would be but for one
thing-we never knew bill for the regula-
ton of railroads that blind man couldn't
throw herd of bulls through. Don't WORRY
about the interstate bill; the commissioners
will get their salaries all right and regularly.
Brooklyn Edqle list