Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1887-06-24

generally the people who haven't got
any understandable Journal.
Poverty is telescope through which
we look at distant pleasures. as stars
in the sky, and see them magnified a
thousand foId.-W Washington Critic.
Lady Gin grocery store)-"Let me
have pound of butter, please" Clerk
(who used to tend in cigar store)-
mild or strong?"-Harper's Bazaar.
Pastor what did you realize
at your entertainment? Member of the
communicative have just realized
that we are $25 out-Burlington Free
Press.
1t is said of great man, just dead.
that ''he began life barefooted boy"
Come to think, we boys all began that
way, and bareheaded, too.-Sam Fran
cisco Alta.
The will of a married woman just
probated in Kingston, n. Y, is peculiar
in that it gives all her property to her
husband for life, or as long as he ''re-
mains unmarried"
Employer-.sYoung man, you don't
know beans!' Employe-s.Don't
be incautious in your statements, sir.
I came here from coffee factory.
Nes0 HaUen NeUs.
It is not true that man cannot talk
with the walters in the Boston hotels
unless he speaks Greek f1uently. If he
can speak Sanscrit it is all right
Journal Of Education.
It may be some consolation to the
Gar in these troublous times to know
that he will not be called upon to
umpire any baseball games this sum-
mer.-Washinqto's Critic.
Mistress Ito servanD-Did you tell
those ladies at the door that was not
at home? Servant-Yis, mum. Mis-
tress-What did they say? Servant
How fortunate.-NeU York Sun.
In the Police Court-Judge-Whatis
your occupation? Prisoner-Tm a
poet, your Honor. Judge-Here, Mr..
officer, take this prisoner before the
grand Washington Critic.
First lady caller-Is your husband at
home? Young wife (playfully) No; he
has left me for time. Second lady
caller (aside)-And pretty big one as
usual, superseded Harcn Nescs.
Doctor-And so you think Florida is
the garden spot of America, do you?
Returned tourist-Id do. Nearly all my
friends who have there have been
planted By. the friendly natives
LoweH Citizen.
A correspondent wants to know the
meaning of '.Pro Bono Publico." In a
majority of cases it means that the
writer who thus signs his newspaper
communication is chronic growler.-
NorristosUn Herald.
MA" inquired Bobby, '.hasn't pa
queer idea of Heaven?" 'Well, /
think not, Bobby. Why?" Il heard
him say that the week that you spent
in Albany seemed like Heaven to him."
-Nesc York Sun.
A woman doesn't know half as much
about voting as a man does about
rocking cradle, yet there are more
women who want to vote than there
are men who want to rock cradles
Washington Critic.
She (of Boston)-"Are the art
galleries closed in New York Sundays,
Mr.. Connofsseur?" He (of New York;
-''Well-er-ostensibly, yes; but never
find any trouble getting in at the side
door. "-Bufalo Courier.
Mrs. De Hobson-"What a lovely
prayer-book, Mrs. Hendricks! Is it
present from your husband?" Mrs.
Hendricks-"No; l won it at the pro-
gressive euchre party at Deacon
Smiths last week!-Puck.
Lady (ready for church-My dear,
are the book stores open to-day? /
want q Book of Common Prayer.
Husband (whose Sunday morn
ing headache makes him absent-mind-
ed)-Try the side door.-New York
Sun.
my son." said the old man, "do you
remember what Polonius said in his
parting advice to Laertes-'neither
borrower nor a lender be'?" Eyes,
father" replied the young man thought
fully, 'sand l think Polonius was just
about half right. "-New York Sun.
"a fine oil painting you have there,
Mrs. Silvadolla. BEG your pardon,
Mr.. Easel, but that is not an oil paint
ing. It is replica. I don't wonder
that you were deceived, however.
Everybody who has been here has made
the same mistake.-Boston Transcript.
We are told that all the fifty millions
of people of this country could
be put into the state of Texas without
crowding. This is because they have
habit in Texas of suspending per-
sons from trees and telegraph poles.
This makes more room below.-Norris-
t0sOn Herald.
As a result of Mr.. W. D. Howell's
recent visits to Lowell Mass, it is said
that he will write '.factory novel;"
This is welcome relief from the sus-
picion that he had got to the point of
turning out novels b. machinery, and
had gone to Lowell to see about start
ing novel factory.-Pittsburg Dis
patch.
In Massachusetts, it is illegal to guess
at the seminal contents of a squash,
and in New Jersey one may not ven-
ture to speculate with impunity upon
the probable avoirdupois of hog.
Whittier are we drifting? If a Yankee
is not to be permitted to guess he
might as well die at once.-Boston
Transcript.
At Old Point Comfort: What we'll
hammered girl that Miss Lukre is. It's
a wonder she can endure such vulgar
and noisy maid" "What maid
is that?'' .'Why, the big freckled
creature with the red hair and the
croaky voice." 'Bless your heart! old
man, that's Miss L. herself. The other
is the maid. "-IOsUn Topics.
80, I do so adore football" said
Miss Highsqueak, with great enthu-
siasm. l kicked all throug Oh the season
of Seyenty-fve and six" ''At foot
ballw exclaimed Fullback, in horror.
30, dear, no." she said sweetly; Il
was soprano in the choir of the Church
of Saint Tralaloo." -Burdette.
A Dresden journal devoted to house.
hold matters and philosophy says chill
IS the rocking Of the young brain has
q tondnncv tn SfTDefV IL