Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1887-11-25
IIUMOR.

The corsage Of fashionable woman's
bali dress doesn't como high. but she
will have il.
The Grand Moke-gull is the fellow
who swindles the negroes of the South
q \ life insurance.
WHY is cannibal king like sensa-
tional romance? He is master Of bad
subjects. TEXAS Strings.
SOMETIMES when man takes "a Sun
day on' he fureets TO bring it back
with him. - Ie,rds SUtiRds.
Pcorj says he has no use for tho
bathing beach, since he only has to
climb steeple to make his head swim.
"'rIs love that makes the world go
round Yes, and It's revenge that
makes the world get square. - Btriing-
ton Free Press.
No MATTER how calm man may be,
he always becomes nervous when after
changing his money from one pocket
to another, he dives his hand into the
pocket which is empty.
FIVE MILLION umbrel as are made in
this country every year. This makes
about one umbrella to every seven per-
sones. One person buys the umbrella
the other six steal il from him and
use it.
WIFE Ito husband who has just re-
turned from a visit = so you intend to
go Lack again some time. Husband
Yes. Wife-You must have felt per-
fcctly at home. Husband-Oh, no; L
enjoyed myself very much. 1rkan-
sd,C Irdreler
A TRIrE of Indians in the Indian
Territory recently elected the leader OF
brass band sachem of their tribe.
This Is doubtless trick 10 get him out
where they can Kill him. II they do
80, we shall have hopes OF civiiizina
the Indians. -Ne,cmdn IndepcndeoL
\ BOOK agent called upon tho Super
intendent of Schools at Cleveland,
Ohio, and, not finding him, rang a bell
close at hand. 1t proved to be fire
alarm, at the sound of which 600 we'll
trained pupils arose, and fled out of
the building. The agent quickly de-
parted for Fields fresh"
WHAT has become OF your niece,
Miss Murphy, Mrs. O'Raherty p Och,
sure, an she's done well wild herself
She married lord. Why, you don't
tell mel An English lordp "No. [
don't think he's an English lord. He's
landlord--he kapes hotel in lip
perary."
ScENEALadies' Boarding School
Sergeant drilling class. Sergeant
Heads erect, shoulders square, eyes
looking straight to the front; lean we'll
forward on the fore part OF the lect,
thumbs touching the seams of the
.rou -Ahem2 As you werei Gen
eral litter.
WEST PoINr Cadet TO young Lady,
L am surprised to hear that Corporal
Callow has been punished Did YOU
learn what his offense was, Miss Smith?
Young LADY, believe, Lieut.. Shout.
herstrap, that it was conduct tinbecom-
ing either an oil, er or gentleman,
but have forgotten which. -Ne,o
York Sun.
Mrs. FosHAY Ito prospective nursery
maid) You are fond of children, of
course? Applicant Fond Of 'em?
should say | was, ma'am. If hadn't
been l wouldn't nursed my sisters
nine young ones that was down with
scarlet fever till every blessed one of
them died, ma'an; and buried the Inst
OF them week come Friday. lid
BlfS.
The Abba Union prints long and
able editorial complaining about the
cows in that town which "roam about
the streets and switch their tails against
the plate glass windows of our bust
ness blocks and finest fesidehces:s
Then, too, it says it is very annoying
when the cows get up early in the
morning and stretch" and reach out
their hind legs and shove open tho
front doors of houses, churches, stores,
etc. The poor editor says that seven
as he pens these lines" large wobbie-
iointed COW with but one horn has in
serted her heal in the open window of
his study and is breathing in his ear.
Well, well, all of this is very sud, but
we don't really see what we can do
about it. Dakota Bell