Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-05-11


when a singer cannot carry the tun'
New Orleans Picayune.
A good organist will know how t
tune his reeds and read his tunes.-
New Orleans Picayune.
A veteran of Reno Post says he wa
in ten engagements--all Souther
girls, too.-Williamsport Grit.
Every honest voter has a voice i
local government and in some place
that is about all he does have.-Ex.
The coat-tail Irritation is the lates,
A wrinkled coat-tail, bearing dusk
toe marks, means, 81 have spoken t
your father. ."-Ex.
1--WE been in good many acci
dents," remarked an engineer, "bu
the closest shave l ever had was in
barber shop."-Ex.
An exchange has an article on tn
savings of Herr Most. Among tn
most prominent of his savings is hi
neck.-Washington Critic.
A citizen may be known as bat
egg, but like bad egg, society vii
not regard him as offensive until h
is broke.-Richmond State.
A legal firm advertises for tw,
spring grinders. That is right. Sprini
is being ground out entirely too slow
ly. Put OH more men.-Ex.
Decorated panels look very nice il
the parlor, but for legal purposes ther,
is nothing that comes up to the plail
jury panel.-Boston Budget.
No one knows how dangerous liv
er is until he reads the painted warn
ings on fences devoted to medicine ad
verti' ements.-N. Y. Picayune.
We have noticed good crop o
spring poetry this year, but what tn,
people want is more spring and les
poetry.-Rochester Post-Express.
"That bonnet would scare the devi
himself" said Beekman street mar
to Salvation Army lieutenant
THAT is the reason l wear it, SIR" sh,
said.-Macon Telegraph. ,
The tights of an entire comic opers
company were sold here yesterday fol
less than $500 The average Phila
delphia tight costs less than that
Philadelphia News.
"ralks About Law" is the title O
a new book. The man who has JUS
paid the bills for law suit does, anc
what he says isn't likely to be very
complimentary either.---Louisvill'
Journal.
"Look at that rabbit, ma" said lit
tie Tot, rs she .curiously watched tn,
peculiar twinkle" of the ANIMAL
features every time he stops t.
smell anything he seems to stuttel
with his nose. ."-Yonkers Gazette.
----------
A Bay City, Mich, grocer put
jar of damp snuff on his stove to dry
and pretty soon there was an explo
sion which sent pieces of the stove il
all directions. This, we believe, il
the first time stove had ever beer
known to sneeze.-N. Y. Star.
An ignorant old man, listening t.
the eulogy of an American statesmen
was moved to enthusiasm in his de-
scription of it to his wife. "Malviny =
he exclaimed, "it was grand. 1t wal
the most CLOWN paragoric l have
ever had occasion for to listen too."-
Youths Companion.
A crowded horse car.-Enter Mrs
Mulcahey, with jug. Mr.. Mahoney
who is seated, facetiously-Wud
hold the whisky fur yez, Mistres
Mulcahey? Mrs. NJ. with withering
sarcasm) Thank yez kindly sor,
but ye have all ye can hould now, Tn
tbinkin'-Macon Telegraph.
OF more consequence De Peyste
Il say, doctor, run down and see my
wife this morning. She's got feve
or something. And ! say, my dog il
sick with bad cold. Doctor-Tn
no veterinary surgeon, my man. ID
Peyster-Well, see what you can d.
for the dog anyway.-Judgc.
A commercial traveller. wishing :,
take rise out of clergyman VIII
occupied the same compartment, ask
ed him if he had ever heard that il
Paris as often as u priest was hange,
donkey was hanged at the sam
time. The victim Of the Joke replied
in his blandest manner: "Well, then
let us both be thankful that we AT,
not in Paris."-Ex.