The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-06-09
pilot.
THURSDAY, JUNE 9, 1887.
WIT AND IUMOR.

There are people who think so much
of themselves that others are shut out
and think nothing of them.-Nel0
Orleans Ftcayune.
Yes said Fogg, "as a success i
have always been a failure. lst as a
failure | have been an unqualified sue
cess. accident Ne10S.
Speaking of drinking it may be OBJ
served that the man who ''can take il
or leave it alone" most always takes it.
-htnderhooE Rough Notes.
There goes a man who has great
deal of trouble with strikers, remarked
Jones. why, is he hard employer"
mo he's candidate for office. '-Ne1o
York Sun.
The force of habit.-A banker to his
employe: Here are 100 francs for a
present, or rather $3.50, for / have de-
Quoted 2! per cent for discount. -
French Fun.
"Ah. Jones, where away so fast this
morning." I'm off for the whaling
grounds He was the district school
master on his way to the schoolhouse.
boston Post.
Deacon-It pains me, Mr. Boggs, to
see YOU coming out of barroom.
Boggs-All right deacon! Anything to
save your feelings. I'll 90 right in
again.-1he Judge.
whats life-insurance?" asked one
boy of another. well, s'pose," said
his companion, Its a concern that
keeps man poor all the time he's
alive SO that he may die rich. "-Loa0eU
Times.
just a commonplace mind-reader
could tell what nine-tenths of the young
women you meet are thinking about
nowadays. What could it be but that
new Easter bonnet?-Journaal Of Edu-
cation.
Yes" he said, I've been on Wall
street now for three years and have
made a great deal of money" Rather
precarious business, isn't it?" mo;
I'm in the retail liquor line. "-New
York Sun.
We can't for the life of us guess why
the Vassar girls are in such quandary
over wearing academic caps. We had
always supposed that a girl would set
her cap whenever she got chance
Ne1O Hduen Ne1CS.
Il hear" said Molecule, that Trio
bite has lost his mind" Must have
been one that he borrowed them" said
Atom, she never had one of his own"
"Ahw said Molecule, Il had forgotten
he was married. "-Burdette
First director-''I am afraid we shall
have to pass dividend again"
Second director-''We can't do it."
Cant do it?" mo, The Interstate
Commerce law doesn't allow us to pass
anything. Pjtts5urg Chronicle.
A sentimental writer asks: did
you ever watch dear baby waking in
the morning?" Many times. 1t gen
orally occurs about D o'clock, and en-
ables the father to get upa splendid
appetite for breakfast.-Dry-G0 Goods
Chronicle.
Il heard a capital story last night,
observed an editorial writer of one of
our esteemed contemporaries to his
chief .'All right" replied the latter;
put stutter marks in it and credit it
to the late Mr.. Travers. "-Pttsburg
Chronicle.
The girl VINO keeps a diary faithfully
wants to be mighty sure that she keeps
it under lock and key. And if she
doesn't want to bring down her gray
hairs in sorrow to the grave she must
never read it over when she gets old.
--Journal Of Education.
Editor-Ethelbert has anyone called
during my absence? Ethelbert-Yes,
60 hn
sor. Editor-Mr. Murphy is an or
nithorhynchus.' Ethelbert-Phat's that
sor? Editor-It is derived, Ethelbert,
from two Greek words, and means a
beast with a bill-HaUard Lampoon.
Between husbands-"Say, do you
ever read the letters that are addressed
to your wife?" with indigna-
tion). Never" What, you have
absolute confidence in her?' O, it is
not that. | am afraid there might be
something disagreeable for me to know,
and | adore heT!"-French Fan.
First charmer-"O, YOU haven't seen
my Easter bonnet, imported directly
from Paris. I can hardly forbear
wearing it right away. Here it is. ="
Second charmer-''O, that's horridn'
First charmer-"Horrid! Why, you
mean thing. 1t cost hundred dol
lars" Second charmer-"O, how
sweet. PHtsburg Dispatch.
Two Bohemians are seated in cab
aret: 'Garcon, some water" cries
one of them. ''Some water, exclalms
the other. "Why, what will you do
with it?" Drink it." You must
have lost your head, old man. Why,
when you get your feet wet you catch
cold. Think of the consequences OF
getting it into your stomach"-french
Fun.
Eliza and Jane were two old maid
friends. and Jane broke the bond by
marrying. Her husband was con-
spicuously homely, and the first time
Eliza met Jane she said. scorntully:
Good gracious, Jane. why didn't you
marry a monkey and be done with it?'
80. smiled Jane, sweetly, i thought
YOU might like to marry sometime, and
| didn't want you TO take your
last chance. - Washington Critic.
A well known firm advertises
artistic gas fixtures. We have one
of the beggrs down in the cellar. It's
the artfulest thing out of jail, and how
it managed to escape indictment with
the rest of the boodlers has always
been a mystery to the consumer ever
since it began to say, Twice two is
five. and three to carry makes seven
teen = Artistic? 1t does it with an
easy grace and honest face that would
deceived the very elect.-Burdette,
There's everything in the way you
put thing" remarked Thompson.
.'Yes. considerable, replied Smith,
ousrdedly. For instance" said
Thomps5n. IF | should say 1 wish
Brown would de-, you would consider
it very wicked and % very ihoGh eur
prisad and greatly shocked: MOS. ue-
cidedlyw responded Smith with @inpna-
sis. well, | have no intention of say
ing it, responded Thompson; but if
the Lord should see lit to call Brown to
Heaven | would consider it a big thing