Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1887-01-05
UMBRELLA FIENDS.
DISTINGUISHES OF WELL KNOWN
NuISANCES.

A Mans Character Shown by the Way
He Carries His Umbrclla--The Obnox-
ious and Dangerous "Jabber'LSwell,
Granger and Fat Man.
A man often shows his character. by the
way he carries his umbrella Ii he is absent
minded he will lug it by the top of the handle,
careless of whether it is folded or tapping,
and indifferent if it trails behind him upon
the pavement. He may he bustling, hurry
ing, in high spirits, and if so he frequently
twirls his umbrella in circles from the wrist
as he spins down the street. Ii he is fat he
uses his umbrella as u cane or pan lsOl; if he
is clergyman he carries it Imply before
him; if he Is angry he grabs it by the handle
as if it were a club; and if he is dude he
pokes the ferule in front Of him until it
strikes the pavement, and as be passes ON
twitChes it forward again.
One of the most familiar of the umbrella
carrying species is the ''jahbern or shower
He lugs his parachute under his arm, with
the ferule straight out behind and the handle
rigid in front. He pokes off more hats, in
dents more stomachs, gouges more ribs and
jabs more spines as he walks along than one
could shake stick at in a week. He never
stops to see who he has punched NOT he.
With his lips compressed as tightly as the nd
of an iron chest, he goes on, browning, bump
ing into paSserS-by, AMI with an air that
seems TO say: IF you don't get out of the
way you'll be hurt He is generally old and
thin, but sometimes he has not reached mid
die age. The public abhors him, and he is a
nuisance that ko-ko most inexcusably
omitted from his famous list.
THE MILITARY SWELL.
The heavy military swell is another inter
eSting umbrella carrier. His chest sticks out
ike pouter pigeons, his new plug hat
glistens like Day & Martins blarking. His
pantalOons are the newest. his frock coat the
uShteSt, his muSta he tho uaxi,St and his
glare the most fcroriuuS seen on the PRONE
made. He carries tho umbrella by his side a
good deal as if it were sword sticking
closely TO his portlv figure 1t is a soidirrly
act Even his traducerS couldn't deny that
Behold him, with his dandy paraSol at an
angle of forty-five degrees, close to his ribs,
as he strides along in true military step, the
admiration and envy of every helmeted
policeman on the beat and the butt for
sulS'u Juhe> IIpiii CNtiN idIttCotti passing
newsboy.
Then there is the courtryman from wav
back, who Tugs his venerable rain distributor
with him when he goes over 10 Ridgeway
park. See him on the boat! His back is
toward us, and his ancient, faded blue para
chute is outlined beside him. He carries II
like q hoe, and hoe that he doesn't care MUCK
about. Its creaseS are worn by weather, its
handle was painted, but the paint has worn
off. He is an emblem of the hayseel re-
Gions, and 50 is his parasol, which be clings to
with grip like the grip Of destiny He may
not lug his umbrella with much grace, but
when he gets TO Ria-eway park it will be
there with hi-"; and, 10 matter how many
times h. saves his life with the island beer.
he viii haIe ga to his rain protector, and so
back with i % his home among the corn
patches and Whcat fields.