Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1887-12-15
The German Barber,


"Noding is now so prominent like doods.
Der sdreets und der babers are full of 'em,
like Dutchmen in der Hackensack meadows,
out cunning.
GA dood has der noplest ambition vot a
man can hat. He vonts to see how much he
can get on in der world Like der lily, he
tolls not, und neider he does not shpin, but,
all der same, der lily act don't go mitout
rich farder. A dood is like an east side
museum-eferyding apowd it is on der out
site.
''It is wise provision uf nature dot doods
haf got not at all some prains, all der While.
Prains are provided to show us how liddle We
amount to, und if der averitch dood acci-
dentally ran across a teaspoonful in his head
some morning, he might go und chump der
dock off. When he gets so advanced in his
profession dot he can't enchoy his dinner in
der same CLOTHES he had for breakfast, der
principal use of his head is for wearing ovid
hats.
"'Vhy didn't you safe me, you horrid ding,
When you saw me trowningF young lady
inquired of her beau.
g Il dried my besd,' der young man sayt;
Il at vonce started to put on my boating suit
SO as to safe you in sdyle, but pefore got a
qvarter of mile you vos safed py dot vul-
gar fellow which chumped der river in. l
ton'd see how you could let man safe ycu
which had on a White necktie in der mittle uf
der day You must haf sunk very low to do
dot
81 hope no harm viii habben to der doods.
Any addempt to make 'em useful Qike using
'em on target excursions or standing 'eIn up for
hatracks) would be an outrage alretty.
"Beople say Jay Gould wears der blainest
uf Clothes und so do der resd der Vail sdreet
millionaires Veil, vot uf dat? Tank heffen,
it is vun of der rules uf Vail sdreet dot so
long as a stranger dakes noding off vot he
prings in his booklets he is Welcome to crawl
away nit vot he has on his back. 1t must
worry der great financiers not to get any
clothing o1cept vot dem puy, but dot is
charged to brOfit und loss as vun uf der ex-
benses uf der peezness.
''it is tremendous ding to be aple to leat
American fashions. All sorts of beople dry
it. When | vas out on der brairie last summer
/ saw der efforts uf der Indian doods. Vhen-
effer fine young prave laid his blanket down
und stood on Won corner of it to keeb it from
hopping away, you could see dot der heigt uf
sdyle consisted uf daub uf blue on der left
hand side uf his shtomach und a leetle red
der oder side.
Der Italian doOds uf der fruit stands keep
up fashion uf wearing on their faces und
hands all der real estate dem haf got Ameri-
cans cbenerally dake up der custom in child
hoot, but der women are down on it NIT
vosh rag, und it soon gifts dired und fades
away. Der Chinese forgetfulness of hanging
their banners ON der owder walls uf their
trousers takes root among White men only in
cases where der serfant girl makes in bur-
ry der kitchen stole NIT kerosene oil. At such
dimes a man in der same house does not care
how he wears his shirt uf he can only glt
OwtSide und see der fire. New York Sun.
With our digits growing numb
To the core,
We believe that winters come
As of yere;
And we delicately toy
With jokelet, sweet and coy,
As we hear the Office boy:
CLOSE dat door,"
IL Texas SiftingA