The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1887-06-09
WIT AND HUMOR.,

year. The circus season has come
again.-NeU Haven NeDs.
A Louisville man has been superin-
tendent of sSunday-school for thirty
years, and his business friends are
watching him closely.-Puck.
The word "jugulate" has become
current in Western journalism. Po-
licemen are more apt to jug-you-late
than any other class of men.-NesC
HaUen NeUs.
An exchange has an article on ''The
Rise and Fall of the Poet" One inn
Portant point is omitted, however, and
that is the length of the stairs.-BuT-
lington Free Press.
s.What's the trouble here, Mickeyp"
'.Don't you knowp There's street
car tie-up." 30, / see. That's why so
Rnotyy RRa1y people sEs sssnsiag da around in
Young wife-I took great pains with
that cucumber salad, John, and hope
you enjoyed it. Husband (anxiously)
I'm afraid, my dear, that I took
great pains with it, too.-NeU York
San.
We don't question the statement
chat George Washington never told
lie, but he certainly was never asked
by fond mother what he thOug hit OF
her cute little baby. = Washington
Critic.
30, Ella" said Clara, 81 think Lily
and her beau have quarreled." Why"
replied Ella, what makes you think
SOP "Well, her parlor has been bril-
liantly Lit every evening lately. "-Nss0
York San.
Mrs. Brown-H How elegantly that
dress fits you! What a pity the ma
terial is so cheapl Mrs. Jones-The
goods In your dress are really superb.
What a pity it doesn't fit you.-Har-
per's Bdzdr.
Some of the tip-top in society say
3'the low-necked dress must 60.
They will please say which way it
must go, in time to warn those who
wish to take to the woods before it
goes lower.-Nesc Orleans Picayune.
Hark! What's thatp ThatP That's
brass band. What are they out for
tonight, I wonderp Out to get the
air, Of course. And, bys the way, i
should think from the sound that they
hadn't found it yet--LosoeH Citizen.
Only girl who has runa typewriter
at "a per week and finally marries her
employer can enter dry-goods store
and paralyze a lady clerk receiving $6
per week It's no use for million
aires wife to try it. = Detroit Free
Press. IL
.How is it I find you in prison. my
mani" SIT was mistake, sir, that
brought me here-indeed, might say
a blunder." How SOP" 81 only stole
a thousand dollars when I could just
as easily have taken $50. .000."-Rtts-
burg Dispatch.
A book agent who invaded the King
dom of King M'wanga of Africa was
captured by order of his Majesty and
nuartered into seventeen pieces. The
agent was selling fashion magazine,
and the King has 1 1.000 wives. Norris.
tosOn Herald.
Wife of rich rural Californian al
her first grand dinner. The Colonel
offers his arm: 81 am to have the
pleasure of taking you out to dinner
Mrs. A." Rich rural wife: go long
with you; my husband is here; takt
your own wife out!'-Puck.
80, Charley" she exclaimed, "wha1
beautiful arbutus! and did you really
pick them yourselfp" Yeds," sai6
Charley, Il bickkd 'em bysef, begauss
I thaughed you'd prige 'em bore thar
If I boughd 'em ad (chew-hasp-k'
chem! eggschuge bed foridt's. "-Neat
York San.
Lily (secretary of the cooking class,
Now, girls, we've learned nine cakes
two kinds OF angel food, and sever
pies. What next? Susie engaged y
Dicks father says must learn to bak.
bread. Indignant chorus = Bread
Absurd! What are bakers forf- RHs.
6mrg Bsslletin.
Texan-Yes. mebbe you wouldn't
think it, but l made my pile out
of watered stock. New-Yorker-l
shouldn't judge SO from your appear
Rnce. Texan-No, perhaps not; but
you cant expect to make much out OF
the creeturs if you let, 'em go thirsty.
-Nes0 Haven Nevs.
A crowded horse-car. Enter Mrs.
Mulcahey, with a jug. Mr.. Mahoney,
who is seated, facetiously Wud ]
hould the whisky fur yez, Mistress
MulcaheyP Mrs. M. with withering
sarcasm) Thank yez kindly, sor, but
ye have all We can hould now, I'm
thinking. Albany argus.
''Have you Hours of Idleness' herea'
fhe maiden asked, as she sauntered in
to the secondhand book store. mo
we haven't MISS" said the youth be.
hind the counter. s'The boss is an old
eklndint, and when we amt doing any
business he keeps us dusting the
books. s."-Boston Courier.
a"aAhl what's .thispn exclaimed ths
kx.13t onav,< ,cnS ir
stones, books in the running brooksp
That can't be right. / have it'll HI
means Sermons in books, stones in tbs
running brooks That's sense" Anc
that Is how the writer found it. Ane
yet he was not happy.-Boston Tran
script
1t is related in Buffalo, N. z, that
faithful workman who had injured hi
hand while engaged in extra dangerou
work was having it attended to by
and said: Sam, what time was
when you got hurtP" s.About
O'Clock. Why do you askp" $50 ma,
know when to dock you.'
81 amt much in q city like New
York, said Col. Blood, who had beel
drinking all the evening at Dnmley'
GApcuSS, Jul uOWH IA Tile UIuc kTds
region Pm reckoned pretty big gun.
3.Yes, Colonel" asserted Dumley as h
paid for another round, "you are bi
gun, and it tscosts money to load yol
np."-Nesc York Sun.
"Will you trust me for a cent
worth of gump" asked the small boy
the top of whose head was on leye
with the counter. why, yes, r.
trust you. You look like an homes
boy" 80, yes, I'm honest, but YOU
better give me the cent and let me bu
some candy next door. prefer cand
70 gum."-Detroit Free Press.
A London paper says that the lates
patent is "a combined hustle an
chair, which must prove very grea
convenience" Not for counting pul
poses, however, where one chair az
commodities two persons. A con
bined hustle and young man woul
prove more satisfactory. She coul
then sit on him, as usual.-NOrTist0s