The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1887-02-12
The Gossiper.
Tall Feminine Hats.

And they wear those preposterous hats
They come to the show,
And sit in row,
And you cant see thing for those hats
Those high multitudinous hats
Those vast, altitudnous hats
A cavern Of gloom
The rear of the room,
In the shade Of those mountains Of hats.
Those tower Of Babylon hats
Those Egyptian pyramid hats
They rose in the room
Four stories and plume,
Those towering, sky .scraping hats
There's a lot of young dudes from the Flats,
And they We sworn to demoish those hats;
It's the reason, they rage,
They cant see the stage
Because Of those awful big hats.
Now let the dudines Of tall hats
Beware when the hoodlums cry Gratis ~
They'll come with brickbats,
Bottle. necks and dead cats,
And pet into fragments those hats
At Creston, Iowa. there has not drop OF
rain fallen since June last, and yet the poor
people are "prohibited' to water
An advocate of palmistry, in New York
City, maintains that "a person can't tell a
lie while his hands are shut - 1t Is differ.
snt here. We know several fellows in Otta
wa who can tell lies in four or five languages,
though blindfolled and both hands tied shut
behind them.
Peoria has female wrestler, named Anna
Turrell. Her favorite hold is the "Americo.
Romeo hug" 1t is irresistible. Not Aana
for US
A daily newspaper is to be started at La
Sale There is feaffully big opening
for one there The paper will need to be
large, or IL VIII lall through.
The Joliet Republic. Sun alleges that "a
dude is pretter animal than monkey and
knows Just as much" Isn't this an undue
eIhaltation of the supposed intellect of the
dude. and corresponding debasement of
that Of the monkey--so to speak
They have man in Jail at Joliet who is
charged with not only being insane. but II
chicken thief. lie denies both, but says he
will own up to being insane, but never a
chicken thief
young man at Odell has been indicted
and put in Jail for publishing an article Sian.
derng the editor of the Pontiac Ga-ets. And
The young man is suspected of insanity. He
must have been as mad as March hare, to
have tried TO SANDER an editor.
"The voice of Campanini, the great tenor
has failed, and it is said whisky and settler
is the cause '--Er. A warning against mix
ing drinks
The railway magnates Of Chicago have re
fused halffare tickets to members of the
Salvation Army. The bloated monopolsts
may triumph here, but in the hereafter the
Salvation Army will probably have charge
of the ticket business and treat the railway
magns,es us cramps and bounce EN-.
The rich are barred from getting into
heaven, but they can get into the other
place-the United States Senate.
The StreatOr papers are trying to coax q
banquet out of the water W orks contractors
who have finished their work and have been
paid Of, and are full Of money fyou fail
boys, come to Ottawa and get free lunch
a, Wash Holmes.
A Sreator newspaper gravely announces
that q citizen Of that village "hss genuine
rnad stone" Astonishing The stone must
have been bitten by some dog whose mental
equilibrium was out Of whack.
-
The Streater Times horrifes Its readers
with the announcement that, "The Ivy Clut
dance, TO come of soon, is not one Of thos,
utterly parties, but il will be q semi dres,
affair" Does il mean halfdressed dance