davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12

0mathers resides in One Hundred and
Twenty-fourth street, and the connubial
bli1 of the Smafhers family has been undis-
turbed until last Friday afternoon. Mira
Smathers has long been noted among the
neighbors for an astonishing talent in making
prvserve& Indeed, the fame of her picked
peaches raspberry jam and canned pears
reached at least three blocks each way.
Every season she puts up a generous supply
Of fruits, and to be presented with q jar OF
MA Smathers' preserves was a mark Of ex-
traordinary esteem
Last week the canning season was formally
concluded with ounces, and the family
moved to an apartment house just around the
block. The sixty-nine jars of preserves re-
ceived especial care in transportation and
were carefully slowed away upon the top
shelf Of the pantry. On returning from
business Mr.. Smathers found his wife en-
deavoring to drive nail into the wall above
The preserve shelf to hang up some herbs
She had placed a stool on a chair, and
perched on this combination was struggling
with the hammer and nail Her husband
watched the combat in patronizing silence
and then said: II never saw a woman yet
Who could drive nail Get down of that
chair, Martha, and let me drive your tacks."
Nrx Smathers climbed down, and grasp
Ing the hammer, her husband was soon in
position on the stool. He accomplished, how
ever, considerably more than he intended.
Giving the half driven nail a vicious dig to
pull it out and begin over again, he loosened
. cleat that supported the shelf, and the re-
eults were appalling. There was a frightful
crash that resounded from cellar to roof,
and Mr. Smathers, the chair and the stool
disappeared from view. The air was filled
with broken glass, flying peaches, pears and
plums, and canned cherries pattercd about on
the floor like big red hailsto.es.
On Mrs. Smathers' upturned countenance
the contents of a jar of Strawberries settled
gently down Two damsons and a label
dscorated her back hair, and on every part
Of her dress that offered any inducement
there nestled jellies and jams, ounces and
plums and blackberries in artless confusion.
Dased by the sudden crash she stood for u
mo1nsnt or two mechanically endeavoring to
remove the strawberry juice from her coun-
tanance with a small pocket handkerchief.
Juse then there was a struggle amid the
glan and debris in the corner, and Mr..
S@thers came slowly to his feet, still grasp
ing the hammer He was most astonishing
iEht There was enough broken glass on
biz person to have horrified tho boldest cat
q The Smathers back fenoA His mustache
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12
CuriOsities Of Law.

Judge-Stand up.
Prisoner-I claim the right under the law
10 remain seated, y'r honor.
"How sof'
"The law says no msn can be made to
criminate himself, an if stand up III GRIM
mate myself"
THAT point is well taken and You may re-
main seated You are accused Of stealing Q
pair Of brooches from this man, but can
nnd no evidence against you"
''None at all, :'r honor"
"You are discharged"
''Thank you, S'r honor"
''By the way, why were you unwilling tn
sand upf'
III stood up the man would sec had his
breeche ON, y'r honor."-Omaha World
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12

"Clara, h. said, tenderly, IF business re-
verses should como to me after We are mar
ried, ard we should get to be very, very poor,
would your love for me grow lessf
'Never, George" replied the noble girl
sand could you so into the kitchen, dear,
and make q loaf Of bread with those dainty
little hand3.'
"You arc very nice to say such a pretty
thing about my hands, but, George love,
don't be foolish about the bread. Why,
would send one Of the servants round to the
bakers for it"-New York Sun.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12

William, the graceful and courteous hirsut,
wonder from Nebraska, il largely responsible
for this Wherever he has gone with his &C.
centric, dark red, self made Indians and his
speckled hroncos he has sown the seeds Of
discomfort in the grammar schools and bred
open rebellion and mutiny in the primary
department.
Look along the red hot trail of d. William
and you find the American and foreign youth
alike turning with undsguised loathing
from his educational pursuits to irlmerse his
legs in a pair Of chaperajos, to WELD the
brief hut singing qucrt, to whoop up the
red eyed, naughty and high tailed Texan
Maverick, or shoot large. irregular holes into
the otherwise poorly ventilated savage
Gentle reader, We stand upon the crum-
bling brink of great cowboy eruption from
England, Ireland, Scotland, the continent
and the great orie ut itself. / do not think
that Buffalo Bill had any idea when he
started in to rehear sc his great society drama
and horse play, that it would 50 soon disturb
International relations and throng our cactus
forests and greasewood vineyards with juve-
nile cowboys from Greenland's icy mountains
and India's coral strands. II he had he
would have hesitated about it. Now, alas!
it is too late He is billed for the Coliseum,
and already people from Lyrsilla and the
ci.ron groves of St Lawrence county are
coming into town, bringing their dinners and
hitching their teams to the fence behind the
Coliseum
Hard, blue preserved seats, am told, are
being erected arulnd the amphitheatre, and
the Roman schools are closed Everything
points toward great festal day, if that
! would be the right kind of day to use in this
place Is it to be wondered at that we will
soon see Roman cowboys, who ought to be in
school, landing here on our coasts and inquir-
ing at the corner Il Broadway and Chambers
street where they can find an Indian out
break to quell! May we not look for the
Arabian and CT inese contingent by next
spring. armed to the teeth and asking at an
intelligence ofIics when the Deadwood stage
is expected, so that they can cttack it and
rob it a few times!
l saw one of these kindergarten cowboys
get OF train once and go up through the
town. Afterward l saw him come back
He looked different somehow. When he got
of at the station noticed that he had long
hair, which was tied back with pale blue
watered silk ribbon. He had long legs,
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12

s,s strewn with pineapple marmalade, and
. stream of red juice and another Of white
united on his back and fell in q syrupy cas-
cade from his coat tails A ounce did duty
for . scarf pin, and the Smathers hair was
occupied by two branded peaches and a pint
Of juice, which gave him an anti-prohibition
odor for three days
"You horrible, horrible brute said MrR
Smathers, choking her anger, as she extracted
two more strawberries from her hair. Just
sse what you have done, )" she added hyster-
ically.
Her husband seemed somewhat in doubt
Just what to do in his tutti frutti condition.
II would rather not discuss this matter just
now, Martha, he said timidly, as he removed
some apple jelly from his left eye with his
coat sleeve. The hack of my head is crys-
tallixing, and unless l am wiped of soon I
shall be . maroon glace in ten minutes
New York Tribune.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12
Not to Re Hitched That w.x.

"Therc, take that" said q red headed 70
male as she brought her parasol with a trs-
mendous whack on the head Of an inoffen-
sive looking middle aged gentleman who sat
opposite her in an outgoing Fourth avenue
car last night about $50.
Madam! I-ah-I don't understand the
reason for this. How have l offended your
Don't madam me, sir. You've been look
ing around for a white horse ever since got
in, and want you to understand that If am
redheaded you can't hitch me with . white
horse to make a team. No, sir"
An inoffsnsive looking man with q crushed
derby hat and . woebegone countenance
dropped of the rear platform of the car about
. minute later-Minneapoli Journal.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12
Good Rules-For Giauts.

Omaha Teacher-Did you NIL give atten-
tica to the story Of David and Goliahi
Class-Yes'm.
Snow why did that contest take placer
Little Girl-So the big armies wouldn't
have to fight and so many get killed
Correct. Now why was it that Q youth
like David was able to conquer . giant like
Go,iahr'
Little Boy trecently from Boston)-Cause
they didn't fight 'cordin' to Queensberry
rules.-Omaha World
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12

An inquisitive American journalist, while
visiting newspaper office in London, asked
the proprietor whom he regarded as the best
editorial writer.
prietor replied.
II suppose You value him on account of his
scholarly style and depth Of discussionF'
''Oh, don't know about that, but you see
his editorials all turn a column about three
inches and half n-Arkansaw Traveller
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12
Mark Twain Sat Down On.

Consul ". D. Warner, of Cologne, is big,
easy going fellow. He is an accomplished
linguist and has been through the German
universities. where he imbibed high regard
for the philosophic and profound and in
equal proportions contempt for the friv-
olous and funny. Mark Twain visited him
once. The novelty Of acquaintance had not
worn of when Twain desired to know IL
Warner had ever read "RoughinS IT.
"No," was the response.
'Well, suppose you've seen lnnocents
Abroad" he asked
"Never"
''Nor Tom Sawyer"
Haven't heard of suck q book"
This was too much for even the humorous
patience of Twain, and he exclaimed pctu-
lantly: "What in the deuce have you read
anyhow"
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12
A Hen and . Hair Eestorer Man.

4 hen at Indian Springs, Fla, is covered
with hair instead of feathers 1t is said the
manufacturer of a patent hair restorer is Get
ling the portrait of the chicken engraved to
accompany his advertisement, il which lie
will claim that the hen that Matched the fowl
inadvertently swallowed a bottle Of his hair
lotion-Norristown Her: ID
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12
A ROMAN FATHER

which seemed to extend from his Adams
apple to the ground. \ narrow, red fourth
hand necktie denoted where the legs termi-
uated and tho head bean. He looked real
sweet When he took the return train there
was nothing by which to identify him except
a strawberry mark, which he carried care
fully concealpd in a shawl strap.
Boys who sigh to dash madly across tho
plains or follow the COW path to fame do not
tnoyT Of the dangers and desolation such a
lrs involves. There are two classes Of cow
boTs in the west, viz, tho working cowboy
and the lay figure cowboy. The latter re-
mains in town and rolls cigarettes, which he
smokes fiercely through his nose He talks
lcarnedly Of cattle brands, corrals, round ups,
"cavvyaris,r ranges, bands, punches and
herds, but doesn't really know a range COW
from a Texas steer.
The genuine cowboy is not always beautiful,
but he is coaversant with his business, knows
Every brand in his district at least and who
Owls it; is brave where bravery is most
needed that is, in the discharge Of his duty.
To stand watch all night in a blizzard ard
hold band Of restless, believing cattle from
s:ampeding, to ride all the next day half
asleep in his saddle, to fall occasionally from
his pony when the lasS.er makes mistake and
steps into prairie dog village, or to have a
collar bone broken when fifty miles from n
physician, are some of the features Of cowboy
life which the boys who run away from school
to cross the Missouri do no5 consider.
Moreover, it would be well if every boy in
America or elsewhere would write in his Own
hat with blue pencil that there is no rose
borderoi road to success, and that even the
man who is born beautiful and marries rich
has to fight his way. The great west does
not so sorely need pretty Eien with bucsskin
clothes US it does good citizens who are will
inS to work Whenever the sun shines or
grass grows and water runs, the young man
WAC will give q good days work for fair
days wages will surely be promoted as he'd
serves it. 1t may not be funny, bu. il is the
never dying truth that industry, integrity
and perseverance are mighty good substi-
tutes for symmetry. genius and hair.-Bill
Sye in New York World.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12

Omaha Teacher-Chemically, what is .
1:.mondi
Class-Carbon-
YES, q diamond is pure carbon, but you
saust remember that coal is also carbon; that
was taught in the last lesson"
"Yes'mn
snow, how can it be demonstrated that
aal and diamonds are so nearly alikef'
Little Boy-Ask the price-Omaha World
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12

Little Girl ito visitor, whose business is in
q s,ialsy conditional say, Mr.. Brown, You
iont know how to swim, DO you'
Mr.. Drown-No, can't swim at all.
Little Girl thought you couldn't swim,
because heard pa say the other day that you
had q great deal of trouble in keeping your
head above watCr.-Texas Siftinss.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12
HaSgl,nS Over the Price.

Counsel ito witnes5)-So you can't 5wear
whether you paid SIS Or SIG for .he coat,
Uncle I.astus!
Uncle Rastus twho has been badsercd a
good deaD-N-ro, sab, / KANT sw' ar to it. l
think dc price wal sixteen dollahs, an Of
fered fifteen fer it, or it moisht be dat de
price wah fifteen an offered sixteen fer it.
knows dere wah some hasglin'.-New York
S,,v
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12
Health Resorta.

First Doctor-Busyi
Second Doctor-Yes, almost worked to
death.
$50 am l. 1t will be two months before
the people returning from their health get
ting trips will quit sending for the doctors"
'That's a fact. If it wasn't for these health
resorts we would have to 60 out Of business"
Texas Siftings
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12

"You have been very i'll, haven't you.
Georgei" she murmured softly. II am 30
glad to see you again"
"And am enraptured at gazing on your
face once more" he replied II came very
near leaving you for ever. Did you know
what was the matter with meF'
''No, George, not exactly. l heard it was
Train fever, but didn't believe t"-Mer-
chant Traveller.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12

Able Editor-I fear our side has lost.
Writo an editorial charging the opposition
with the most fragrant and shameless frauds
on the ballot box
Assistant-I guess you have not seen the
the latest dispatches.
'What do they say"
"They indicate that our side has won"
''Hello! Well, write an editorial congratu-
lating the people that under the present Law
election frauds are impossible "-Omaha
World
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12

NOt On IN Empty St0m1chs
Anxious Arkansaw Mother - Tommy, il
that green persimmon you air eatin1
AYES, maw."
'.Don't you know it amt healthy to eat
green persimmons on IN empty stomachf'
Il amt eatin' this persimmon on a empty
stomach. l ate a peck Of EN- before tackled
this oner-Texas Siftincs
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12

"Well, said Warner, waxing angrier a.
he went on, ''rve read SO and SO and so and
so terlumeratinS long list Of scientific, tho
ologic and philosophic works. that you prob
ably never heard of, much less read, but
I'll like to have you understand, sir, that
haven't had time to read any Of the in
fcrnal rubbish you've been palmins of on the
American people for fifteen years.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12
eILL Nve TALKS ABOUT coweoYs.
He Fears an Incursion of Novices from
the Old World.

HE cable news
from l. q II d on
would seem to i'll
dicate that the COM
ing year will wit
hess a large hegira
Of armed goslinss
from England who
intend to prosecute
the COW gentleman
and Dead W God
stage robbing busi-
ness on our from
tier. II is perhaps
unnecessary 10
state that Buffalo
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12
SQuelching . Poet.

Poet-I have been sending you some Of my
choicest gems, but have received no reply.
had no idea that you wero absent
Editor-You might have known that was
out Of town, otherwise you would have got
your stuff back by return maiL-Texas Sift-
invs
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12

"If high living causes gout, /" he said. "tt is
very strange that have never had it."
''Are you high hverlr he was ssled
Every: I live on the seventh door Of .
Harlem fat New YcHk Sun
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12

The mental state produced by massage
u now called neurization
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12

HE happiness of a
Harlem household
has recently been
destroyedb by most
unfortunate occur
renee, and the
white winged dove
of pcace has folded
her wings Ike u
cabinet bcdstead
and vanished.
Mr. Baldwin
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12

The Stove, the Lamp and the Misplaced
Switch.
Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-11-12

A Funny Question.
''Oh, yes. the championship we've won,~
Thus to mis- girl speaks Charley Day,
"But twas when all is said and done,
pretty tight squeeze for Us, Nay"
May blushes to the golden bangs
That shine beneath her high crowned bat,
And asks, the while her head she hanga,
"a tight squeeze, ChArlisi What = thAsi'
-BostoA Cpuxisg.
The Memphis appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1886-1890, 1887-04-22

and on their feet they swors
to wipe out the deep and dsmning
disgrace. Hoar threatened the bloody
shirt and Congressional Committees
for the South, and was absolutely
mad when he bethought him that the
days OF reconstruction were over; that
New Eog'aud had lost her Ireland,
and could not follow the bloody tracks
Of old England and pass crimes ard
coercion acts. 1t was grand &C.
casion. Massachusetts, was herself
again. Dawes promised that tobacco
was to be made free, and that every
thing the poor man consumed was to
be made higher; wages were to be
reduced and the slavery that old Eng
land has always conserved was to be
more securely and surely fastened mp
on the workingmsn OF America. Olly
bondholders had any rights that Mass.
ach usetta was bound to respect. Cult
ure Ia culture, and It must be perpet-
uated, and the deep and damnipg dis
grace Of an Irish 0'Bhen being Mayor
OF Boston must be wiped out. The
whole company took another dlink,
howled like mad over the danger by
which their Goldfish is menaced by
England and then drivelled over 90
piah county and the Texas elections
II was glorious day for Massachusetts
Republic ans.
The Memphis appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1886-1890, 1887-04-22
ON 'CHAN gle.

WHEAT is steady and corn quiet at
Liverpool.
CoTroN steady and unchanged
everyN here.
The California wheat is "cornered"
by combination.
AT Baltimore coffee is higher; Rio
carsoes, ordinary to fair, 15l@l6fc.
PETROLEUM dull and mining shares
dull at the New York market ysster.
day.
AT the Stock Board yesterday ID
shares of Vanderbilt Insurance Com.
pany sold at 20, and 10 shares al 81.
AT Chicago pork is unchanged cash
corn of &c, May unchanged; cash
wheat up &c, May up &c; cash and
May oats up &c.
SALEs at the Grain Board yesterday
or call, 5 cars May, No white corn
at 44tr, ana 20 cars May, No. 2 corn,
ON track, at 4l3c.
AT the London wool sales yesterday
an exceedingly firm tone prevailed
and the bidding was spirited. A
modicum went to America.
AT st. Louis cash and May corn I'M
chsnged, cash wheat mp &c, May
wheat up lc, cash and May oats ad-
vanced to. Pork and lard unchanged,
clear ribs up 10c.
MEMPHIS cotton receipts yesterday,
1871 bales; shipments, - bales; ssles,
$50 bales; stock ON hand, 22,776 bales /;
total receipts to date, 650,342 bales /;
total shipments, Ga, l56 bales.
THKRR was much excitement and
active ,rading on the New York COT
fee Exchange yesterday. Coffee
jumped up 80 points. The cause Of
the sudden liee was not made known.
BALTIMORE grain market yesterday :
Recaipts-Flour, 45l7 barrels; wheat,
10000 bushels; corn, 5000 bushels
oats, 1000 bushels. Shipments-Flour,
SAP barrels; wheat, l04, 100 bushels
corn, 9S, 700 bushels.
TIE Board OF Directors oil The Mer.
chants Exchange met yesterday and
elt cted the following new members
Z II. Dorian, OF Lake & Dorian; John
r. Goodwin, OF ]. r. Goodwin q Go.
Mechanics Savings Bank, ]. H. Slater
George NJ. Buchanan, OF Coleman &
Buchanan; John L. Norton, A. q,
Treadwell, j. L, Goodlett, OF GoodletI
4 Co., and the Schimitar Publishing
Company.
NEW YORK -four receipts yesterday
1881 packages; exports, 67SS brls.
and $3.50 SKIS; tales, 10, 200 brls. Wheat
receipts, 28,40O bu exports, 90 702 bu
sales, 4,l44,000 bu. futures and 3l2,00(
blu. spots Corn receipts, 1884 bu
exports, 54,275 bu; sales, 100000 bu
futures and 100 900 bu. spots. OatI
receipts, $4,000 bu; tales, $4,000 bu
futures aud $1,000 bu. spots.
NEW YORK grocery market yester
day: Cofiee-spot fsir Rio firm, l6ic
options active; sales, 20 1000 bags
April, l4,40@l4 SOC; May, 1440@
rs lOc; June, l4.55@l5 zoe; July, IA. 81
@l5 $50; August, lital5.40c; Sep
TENDER, 14.s5@l5 45c; October, IA 81
@l5lc; November, IA 95al5. zoe; De
Sem6ef, l495@l5 coo; January, 15@
is csc; February, l5All5.70c. SugA
Quiet and unchanged; refined quiet
Molasses quiet and steady. Rie
steady.
The Memphis appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1886-1890, 1887-04-22
4 RRENCHhAN ENTRiPPED
BY GERMAN POLICE AND AR
RESTED AFTER BEING
Brutally Treated-It is Alleged That
He Was Connected With the
Anti.6erman Agltat0rs.
THE AFFAIR CREATES INTENSE
EXCITEMENT In FRANCE.
Gladstone Says He is Prepared to
Face Anything to Defeat COer-
ci0n-The Feel siastIcal Bill.

PARIS, April I'M. Schnabele, q
French commissAry at the Pagny Sur
moselle depot, has been arrested by
Germsns. He had received several
letters from the German Police Com
missioner at AIRS asking him to come
to that place and confer with him re-
gardipg the frontier service. He fipal-
ly agreed to do so. While on his way
10 AIRS he was roughly seized by the
German police and taken to Novsaut,
from which place he was sent to Metz.
The Meter Zeitunq says M. Schnh-
bees arrest Is due TO his connection
with the snti-Gsrmsn agitation, con-
Quoted by the Patriotic League; but
the people OF Pagny-Sur-Moselle de-
clare this to be entirely untrue, and
gay be had nothing to do with the
agitation. The incident has thrown
the inhabitants of Meg and Nancy
into the widest state of excitement.
Rentes were unfsvorsbly aft cted
by the arrest OF M. Schnabsle. The
market for per cent. rentes for the
account became fl It, and the quota
tions declined As cenimes during rht
afternoon, closing at the lowest price