davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02
SINGULARITIES.

Chatsworth Ill.,, is proud of one of its citi.
2ens: who at the, age Of ninety is cutting her
third set OF teeth.
Baltimore came to the front not much moro
than a week ago with the death of colored
person 1lS years old. Beaufort. S. G.. fol-
lowed in few days with tho death of one
l;3 years old, and now Sassakawa. i. T., sup
plies case OF 1876 years.
Jennie Lemon, who lives near Dallas.
Tex, is but fifteen years Old, yet she had the
pluck the other day, single handed, to tackle
and Kill rattleSnake that was six feet live
inches long, twelve inches in circumference,
and that carried sixteen rattles.
There is living In Ty-Ty, Ga, negro
cmld that is almost n mOnstrosty. Mr. j.
NJ. llamlin measured its head, and the tape
line Indicated tAenty-eight inches around.
1t is really a curiosity TO look at lie is about
seven years Old and has never walked a step,
in fact his head is so heavy he cannot hold it
up without assistance from his mother. A
negro known as Judge Mark is the father OF
the child
Two sons of John liaslam, of Waltnam,
Me-, while driving through the woods the
other day came upOn two deer-One alive,
one dead-locled together by the horns. The
ground was all torn up around them so that
the dead buck was nearly buried The boys
shot the live deer, and then found that the
other had been dead several days. Its neck
had been broken. They had to get stout
stakes in order to pry the deers' antlers
apart.
}. l.. Cole, hardware merchant of Buffalo,
has remarkably intelligent dog: a small.
white cur of uncertain pedigree. This dog
knows any number of difficult tricks, and SO
confident Is Mr.. Cole III its abilities that he
is now willing to bet large sum that the
dog can walk q tight rope over the Niagara
gorge, and he'll give him chance, provided
the railroad companies or the Niagara Falls
hotel folks will contribute $1,000 toward the
expense of stretching the rope and net,
The mother of five newborn shepherd
puppies, near Houston, was mourning the
death of four of her babies that had been
taken from her. when very young pig,
whose mother had lost II, came squealing
around the doghouse, The shepherd dog at
once, adopted the little porker, and il now
suckles alongside of the pup and follows its
foster mother about, sqeallng vigorously
whenever It feels hun-ry. The collie seems
to love the pig quite as much as her own
pup.
A family Of four brothers named Aclen,
living in MiddleseX county. \. j.. are noted
tor their yigOr and size. The Trenton Ga
ZetIe gives their ages height and weight, as
follows: William Is eighty-tlTee years old,
six feet three inches in height, and weighs
25O pounds; Henry is eighty-One, six feet
four, and weighs 27O; Samuel is seventy y-nine,
six feet i've, and weighs 20; Theodore Is
seYenty-three, six feet six, aud weishs go
pounds. They are IA excellent health, and
| vigorous beyond THEN years.
Is cases of Fever and Ague the blood
is rs eilectually, though not so danger.
ously poisoned by the eilluyium of the at
mosphero as il could be by the deadliest
| poison. DIR, j. ii. McLean's Chlls and
! Fever Cure will eradicate this poison
from the system. 80 cents bottle.
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02

IN IN shaving he inflicted n cut sufficiently deep
~ ~ cover the lower part of his face with blood
l.; l. ne munster turned to the barber and SAID
~ ~ tone or solemn severity: 'You see,
5iliioinas' what comes of taking too much
utlnk. ui Aye replied Thomas with the
t,nHne u.nahSe cohiposure, lit makes the skin very
A Boston minister one who presides over
larGe and fiourishing church at the south
emu, and Lends hand'' in all good enter
pIises, who was to preach in Providence
la,td hlpent the night before with friend in vii
lage some miles distant and walked to Proyi-
aence Sunday morning. On his way, feel
lns nunery he stopped at q house BY the
Swayslde' rang the bell, and asked the mother
loohflhg Ifg woman, who came to the door if he
could have glass OF milk and n slice of
bread. Well" she answered, II suppose
you can; but 1t does seem as though a biz,
strong man ike you might earn his living by
work and not beg for it,"
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02
A Slight Corrcction.

"Mrs Smith, said a Chicago travelling
man to his wife. "am the senior mem
over year ago with the assistance of
the preacher" "
Certainly" replied Mrs. Smith, meek
ly.
"Do hold controlling interest ii this
business6"
"Of course You do, DEAR
sam the secretary and treasurer and
business manager OF this concerns Am |
responsible for its financial statusgn
10 be sure YOU ale. never said any.
thing, to the contrary, did II" she re-
sponded.
Now, what wish to direc. your atten-
tion to, is this. Your household expenses
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02

spreading their doctrines, either as ministers,
bible workers, colporteurs, canvassers OF
home missionaries.
The New York Observer SAYS: rrhe
churches of all denomination in Sonth Caro-
lima since the earthquakes, have had har.
vest of new converts. About 1000 persons
have united with the Presbyterian churches
during the summer.
Nine Protestant denominations are en-
gaged in missionary work in Mexico They
have planted at least twelve Protestant
churches in the important cities between FL
Paso and the City of Mexico.
AT Lucknow, where SO many were muir
dered during the Sepcy rebellion thirty wears
ago 1000 children. nearly all of Hindu or
Mohammcdan parentage, recently marched
in Sunday school procession.
In 1913 Professionalism in France did not
count $50 pastors and had not single estab-
liShment OF charity, education, or cvangeli-
Zation. That church has now 800 pastors, 81
homes for orphans, AZ retreats for the aged, 2
convalcScent reformatOrics tor prisoners. be-
sides asyluWs for the blind, deaf and dumb
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02
INIPIETIES.

'Why do the heather rage?" asks rellg
iOus paper. If they got larger percentage
OF the money collected for them, perhaps
they wouldn't rage so much. We merely
offer this as a suggestion.
Occasionally joke is let loose in the Pur-
itan town of Ply mouth, but il is uniformly
a grim one. The last is that Of druggist
who is Offering as prize chrome a plan OF
the lots in Oak Grove cemetery to the GUS
toner who buys the largest number OF bot
ties OF his nnequaled couch syrup before tho
LIST Of January. This chimes in with the
astringent Puritan sneer and siences his
critics.
A minister with rather florid complexion
went into the shop of barber, one OF his
parishioners to be shaved. The barber was
was, in consequence, unsteady at his work
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02
The Barber's Wooins.

IT. z, IJDVUT III IIH-BUs.
"Oh Barbara" the barber sighed,
This scissor time to speak;
Ii you won't'be my hone true bride
I'll dye without squeak"
80, Dan Druff, don't" the pomade screamed
"Do such wig-head act,
1t would be barber Gus. | dreamed
or YOU" she smiled with tact.
Look cup and brush your tears away;
q, comb and be man
Lots soap I'll be your bride some day."
Il will, but if, cried Dan.
"Ytu razor hope YOU will dispel
There'l beard, death, you'll see;
And II there's Scrape on my door bell
My chair will empty be-
II do not ShampoOner fellow" said
Miss Barbara, perpeXed,
soil though when your first wife Is dead,
You'll quickly cry for Next"
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02
The Bartender's Wooing.

III. c. DJdge in Tit-Btts.
sale love like mine is gn-u-wine,"
Spoke the bartender, signing,
And Sally, sweet, you water treat
1t So" he whispered, crying.
so. don't champagne" laughed Sally, vain,
Pleased that lie came to court her;
"You'd liquor wife and spoil her life,
And atl-an'-'aif sup porter.
MADEIRA bride of mine shall ride
A pony fine of brandy,
And sail away in schoonerS gay
or lager, eating candy"
"Ill beer bride at once,' she cried
Making him sit be cider,
FOryou's rum man." she smiled, who'll
plan
Toby good proyider."
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02
1t Depends.

Wall Street News: "How much money
would it take to start bank in Dakota
town." was asked of resident of that
territory.
We'll, that depends. Any religion with
"Yes, some Presbyterian"
''Then you'd want capital of $3.50, 900"
'How would it be with any other
kind?"
"Well, a square Univcrsaist, if he came
in the fall would do well on $4,000.
When winter sets in all we have 10 do in
that country is to argue that there can't
be any more hell left to send US to-"
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02

have been running up to an alarming
figure and your demands for pin money
may be properly described us eXorbitant.
have decided that | must take steps to
keep you in check"
May | correct your grammer a little
bit?n she inquired sweety.
Certainly"
'You mean checks not check. Plural
spoken cjolnder.
And he didn't attempt to argue the
point
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02
Had His Mind Read.

Detroit Free Press: II suppose l vhas
shwindled some more" sorrowfully re-
marked Mr.. Dunder rs he paid visit to
Sergeant Bendall yesterday.
Not doubt of it. What's your
storyfn
'Do you pellet dot man can read
somepody's mindf"
"Well, I've heard of mind readers
$50 has Shake, und he goes crazy
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02
The Perfect Boston Girl.

The Perfect Boston Girl.
NJ. U. B. in Teras SlftinOs.
| have seen the greatest wonder
In the heavens, the earth, or under
A sight to strike you blind and deaf and dumb;
And really it will greye me
If your readers don't believe me
When i tell them that the coming wOman's
come.
She is married to plumber
Goes to Concord every summer.
And lectures on the WhiclnesS of the That;
She makes her husbands bills out,
AS melodiOusly she trills out
Some classic bit of MendclssOhn, so pat.
She can calculate eclipses
While she frolicsomey hips his
Morning 1apjacks till it's beautifully brown;
Her DaDy never cries, and
Her bread and cakes and pies and
Her puddngs are the talk of all the town.
Though she dotcs upon Spino2a
And reads Rabelais sub rosa
She can do you fat capon to turn;
She'll make an ice piStachiO,
Tell you all about Boccaccia,
And lend hand if needed, at the churn.
She can choos leg of mutton,
And she never lets button
Obtrude itself by absence on her dear;
She'll explain grandpap'S paralysis,
Give chemical analysis
OF the hond things that go to make up beer
She'll concoct a toOthsome salad
While SHE'S building up u ballad
In the wonderful recesses of her mind;
She'll quote to You from Plato
While she mashes potato
And yourself at the same time, as you may
She can C ok corn beef and cabbage
Hears the Rev. Minot Savage
Every sunday; but She doesn't take much
stock
In Joe Cook and his harangulngs,
Nor in spirit raps ana bangings;
And she actually can tell Sauterne from
Hook.
Her manners pedagogic
And her head Is Iull uf l0pip
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02
A Discussion of Gender.

"Why do you call vessel she?' said
Henry to Fred, the other day.
Perhaps because she wears a bow in
front, answers Fred.
That might be one reason, but another
is that she Is not ready for business until
she is properly manned"
Yes; and it takes q good many yards
to rig her out"
"Then hear old sailors speak about
her gong in stays"
Conclusive! But you must admit n
shin is not always feminine"
"Well?"
''When she is man. .of-war."
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02
Knew When He Was Well OF

"Ain't you one of the Smiths! asked q
man of his acquaintance, who, for half an
hour had been hosting in four drinks of
sour mash to the hour, and was solemnly,
stationary drunk.
"Smith Well, | should (hic) say So
Blong to the mos important branch of
the family"
That so? Why amt you at the re.
union, then; There's 4 great meeting of
all the Smiths to-day"
Course, know IT. (hic).
why amt you there?n
Mr., Smith regarded his questioner
gravely.
Take me tor fool (hic), guess"
mo, no, not at all
Then what for make silly suggestions?
Why, man (hic), If | should go down there
among the Smiths (hicl / couldn't resist
temptation to celebrate, and I'd get
drunker n billed owl
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02
An Appronriate Name.

''The boys have an appropriate name
for the pastry cook mt our boarding
house." remarked the Snake Editor.
'What is it?'' asked the Horse Editor.
She's a darky from Virginia, and they
call her the old dough minion."
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02
A Remarkably sharp Witness.

Texas Sftings: Sam Johnsing, having
attended anight school for few weeks,
believes that he is the smartest nigger in
Austin lie was a witness in a burglary
case, and created sensation by his in
telligence.
do you think you would recognize the
burglar II you were TO see him again?n
Why boss, OF course | would.n
You are sure you would identify the
thief if you were to see him againgh
i tell you so ag'in. Use not one of desc
fool nlggers what doesn' know muffin.
could IDENTIFY dat man eben if | nebber
seed hlm .agin. / don't hab to see him
ag'in to IDENTIFY him."
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02
A Prudent Society Mother

Washington Critic: Daughtcr-"M Nam
ma, Mr. Blank proposed to me last
night"
Mothcr-"DId you accept him, daugh-
tcr?"
Daughtcr--"Yes mamma
Mother-"Has he any money, daugh-
ter"
Daughter-"Only 81, 800 a year, man.
ma.
Mother well, daughter handle him
carefully till spring. Possibly you can
pick up something better during the win
ter.
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02
to my friends through thick and

thin"
That's right" said the man in the
next seat; ''and by the way, jim, do you
happen to have a dollar about you?'
Guess so.'
Loan it to me till next week?"
Not much.n
'Is that what you call sticking to your
friends?"
you bet it is. This dollar here is the
best friend I've got in the world. "
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02
sticking TO His Rest Friend.

about me, saId the boastful passenger
Il always stick to my friends L always
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02
PERFECTION pETTLCOATED.

A Texas Bard Melodiously Trills the
Praises of Boston Girl.
The Wooings of Barbcrs and Bar
keepers-Bankins in Dakota
The Dollar as Friend
One of the Smiths.
Omaha daily bee., 1887-01-02

Is cases of Fever and Ague, the blood
is rs eilectually, though not so danger
ously poisoned by the eillnyium of the at
poison DIR, j IL. McLean's Chills and
Fever Cure will eradicate this poison
from the system. 50 cents bottle.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1887-04-09

Every fair-minded woman will ad
init The sound sense contained IN the
passage from a clever article on the
remunerative work for woman clip
ped from the London Queen "Wo'
men as rule are ashamed to let u
be known that they work fol money
To employ them assumes quasi.
charitable aspect quite detrlmen'ai
to success which very greatly increa-
ses the difficulty of the position. IL
can not be too strongly insisted upon
that honest labor conscientious!
performed is a matter for PRIDE anu
that until all mandy pamby IDEAS "
the contrary are swept away IL wiz
be impossible to help women 10 Tue
battle OF life. There are thousands
of unhappy women who are ruthless
" looking for the same thing
comfortable home. good salary anu
nothing to do !"
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1887-04-09
What Becomes of Deer's Horns 7

Mr.. A. S. Fuller, the well-knOwn
author, writes in the american Agri-
culturist for April a" What be.
comes of deerhorns is often asked
of persons residing in regions where
deer are plentiful, but it is rarely sat
isfactorily answered. That the
horns are shed annually, there are
no good reasons for doubling, for it
is a well established fact but that
the horns are rarely found is also
quite as true, as stated by Mr.. Yoder
in the american Agricalturist for
February. / well remember look.
ing for shed deer horns, many years
ago, in the woods of Wisconsin, and
during one of these rambles, extend.
ing over only few hours, | saw fifty
seven very lively deer, some with
very handsome antlers, bat failed to
find vestige of an old horn. Upon
inquiring of old hunters who were
supposed 10 know all about the
habits of deer, | was informed that
when buck dropped horn he i'm.
mediately dug hole in the ground
and buried it out OF sight. Upon
further investigation however was
unable to find person who ever saw
deer performing the operation, or
one who ever found horn that bad
been buried by its owner or any
other similar animal. But in late
years | have had several opportuni.
ties to learn where some Of the ma.
turally shed deer horns 90 to if not
all of them. The deer shed their
horns IN spring, and they no sooner
fall to the ground than the wood
mice attack them and they disap'
pear before the teeth Of these little
rodents so quickly that few weeks
are sufficient to oblIterate every yes
tige of the noblest pair of autlers.
Even the squirrels like to gnaw the
deer horns and fresh bones of vari.
Gus kinds and it is this natural or
deprayed taste that makes our com.
mon red squirrels rob birds nests
when the young are nearly full
grown for so far as / have observed
they devour the feet and legs of the
birds only. l have frequently made
them drop the young birds they were
slowly torturing and have always
found that they we're eating the feet
and legs perhaps because these parts
had nutty flavor.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1887-04-09
" ENGLISH AS SHE IS TAUGHT,

Nothing could be more amusing
than the unconscious humor of
+" English as She is Taught in this
number of The Century, yet where is
the thoughtful reader whose laughter
is not followed by something much
like dismay7 Here are examina.
ton papers taken from many schools,
evolved from many brains; yet are
they so alike III character that all
might be the work OF one puzzled
school boy struggling with matters
too deep for him.
Undoubtedly many of these child
rem have been poorly taught, and
poorly taught in the same way, but
the trouble lies back of Indifferent
teachers, and even back of indiffer.
ent or ambitious school boards. 1t
rests upon us all as people. We
are too needless of detail, and too
ambitious for number or size or an.
pearance. We know too little of
thoroughness; we demand impoSsi.
BILE things; naturally, one of the
things we get is the result embodied
in 6 English as She is Taught
Every conscientious teacher can
tell how he is hampered by mis- over.
ruling school board or constituency.
Sometimes it may attempt to guide
more frequently it suspects. His
individuality is stamped ont; his
freshness of method and Organiza.
ton is distrusted. He knows that
too many subjects are taught in
superficial hap-hazard way, but he
can make no change, for the genius
of the people is against him. He
knows that his assistants are work
ing without adequate direction or
organization but his own hands are
too often tied. Too often, too, the
teacher is unframed and heedess,-
often a mere sojourner in the school,
preparing for other things; often
the creature of board dominated
by political or sectarian majority.
We need trained and enthusiastic
teachers; unbiased, unpolitical, and
carefully chosen school boards; less
ambition and more thoroughness;
less of the achdt and more of the ichy;
less immaturity striving to appear
mature, and less ignorance masking
itself under assurance. But the
question arises: Who is to teach
the American people this file
Century for April.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1887-04-09
& OHIO RAILROAD.
Time table in effect Jan. 30. 1887.
A

EASTWARD.
Train No from Chicago and ST. Louis leaves
Martinsburg 06 a m, Washington q 20 u m,
arrives at Baltimore 30 IN, leaves Baltimore
5 40 m, arrives at Philadelphia IL 30 m.
Train No from Pittsburg, leaves Pittsburg
. % p m, Cumberland 2 50 u m, Martinsburg
5 o. m, Washington % a IN, arrives at Balti-
more 80 m.
No l46 mixed train leaves Martinsburg 20 a
m, Except Sunday) connects for Winchester,
HagerStown and Frederick.
Train No ID, except Sunday) leaves Mar
| tinsburg II a m, via main line, stops at all
| stations, connects for Valley Branch, Hagers-
town and Frederick.
| Train No 2, limited from st. Louis and Gin
cinnati, leaves Martinsburg Il So m, WASH
lngton 2 10 p m, Baltimore Is m. arrives at
| Philadelphia p m.
Train No 50, baltimore and way stations, via
Washington, leaves Martinsburg 5 m, con-
meets for Winchester, Hagcrstown and Fred
erick.
Train No 6. limited from Chicago and Pitts.
| burg, leaves Martlnsburg 20 p m, Washington
7 rs m, arrives at Baltimore s so p m, leaves
Baltimore 10 m. arrives at Philadelphia
a m.
Train No 8. limited from Philadelphia to
Chicago and Pittsburg, leaves Philadelphia
a m, Baltimore 10 80 a m, Washington IL IS y
M Martinsburg 40 p m.
Train No /, limited to Cincinnati and st.
Louis leaves Philadelphia 10 IS m, Balti-
more 80 p m. Washington 80 p m. Martins
Train No T. Pittsburg Express, Martinsburg
II 08 p m, arrives at Cumberland 20 m,
Pittsburg so q m.
Train No 3. Cincinnati, Chicago and st.
Louis, leaves Philadelphia 4 40 p m, Balti-
more 8 p m, Washington 10 10 IN, Martins
burg u "a IN.
Train No IS. daily except Sunday, Baltimore
TO Grafton. Martinsburg IL Is p m, stops at all
| stations and connects for RonIney.
Mixed train 147, daily, leaves Martinsburg
1 so O m, connects for Romney and stops at ali
stations.
No AS, leaves 10 a m. stops at all stations.
except Sunday.
Accommodation for Cherry Run leaves 30
M except Sunday. ]. 4. MARTIN. Agent.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1887-04-09

DIR. EVANS, the American dentist
in Paris, made a set Of teeth for an
American lady the worries being care.
fully chosen from the mouths OF twen-
ty Breton girls who submitted to the
extraction for a pecuniary compensa-
ton. Shortly after the set was de-
livered the lady travelled to Mentone
and was aroused from her bed by the
recent earthquake. She is now back
in Paris with sunken-in lips, having
forgotten her teeth in the escape
from the shaking Italian hotel. A
fresh lot of peasant girls with sound
teeth are now wanted.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1887-04-09

The lash is still q favorite in.
strument of torture on the continent
of Europe, in Furnishing prisoners OF
all classes. Lately a number OF
rebels captured in Bulgaria were
logged by military decree. In
Russia, the lash in the hands of a
military officer of low grade, is
flourished with more skill than is a
sword in the same hands in battle.
In Turkey, in Europe. the lash is
heard at all times. AS a rule, Con.
tinental European newspapers are
quick to see and denounce bar.
barity of this kind in Asiatic
nations but are blind to its horrors
in their own lands.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1887-04-09
A GREAT DISCOVERY /!
HOLDsTEIN's ARoMANNA!

The only sure cure for Dyspepsia, and
all Kidney, Liver, Blood, and Skin Dis
eases. Is warranted not only to relieve
but to cure the worst cases of Dyspepsia.
and is panacea for all diseases arising
from disordered condition of the Liver
or Stomach, such as Indigestion, Bilious
ness, Sick Headache, Distress after eat
ing, weakness of Kidney or Bladders.
call at A. M. GILBERT'S
Drug store and get bottle. Price IS
and 70. Also. all kinds of Drugs. Pat
ent Medicines, and Toilet and Fancy ar
ticles, and everything kept in first
class drug store. JAMS
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1887-04-09

For men and boys wear, the reductions
are equally as great on suitings, over
coats, coats, pants and vests, all custom
made. On readymade clothing, most of
which is our own make, the prices are at
one-half to two-thirds the regular Price.
Boots and shoes, hats and caps, furnish
ing goods, gloves, horse blankets, robes,
canes, umbrellas, in fact every article
men and boys wear are at bargain prices.
UPDEGRAFFS,
HAGERsTowN, MD.