The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-01-26
flashes Of fun.

nOtHlnS. &
Before a man settles down he
should settle up" and before a man
settles up he must settle down.
Why is a IA upstairs beating
his father like a Christian ? Be
cause he is above doing a bad ac-
ton.
Sober passenger, angrily-"Look
where you step, man." Tipsy pas
senger, apologetically-"Y-es, / do;
trouble is to-hic- step where |
look.
"A cynical bachelor says woman
is a good deal like the accordion.
You can draw her out, but she
"makes music if you attempt to
shut her up.
-"There's no place like home"
said the man as he darted through
the doorway closely followed by the
rolling-pin, which seemed to be seek
ing after his scalp.
-"What made you SO black, Sam
DO ?" asked a gentleman of a colored
servant. ''Why, look a here, massa,
de reason am dis; de day dis child
was born deere was an eclipse"
"A little girl ioyfully assured her
mother the other day that she had
found out where they made horses;
she had seer a man finishing one.
"He was mailing on his last foot"
-"What does the minister say of
our new burying-ground ?" asked
Mrs. Hines of her neighbor. "He
don't like it all; he says he V
will be buried there as long as he
lives" WELL" says Mrs. Hines, eff
the Lord spares my life, Twill"
"A man left a bony horse while
he went to take a smile" and COM
ing back a short time a~fterward,
discovered that a funny youth had
placed a card against the feshless
ribs, bearing the notice, Goats want
ed-inquire Within"
A lady, a regular shopper, who
had made an unfortunate clerk tum-.
BILE over all the stockings in the,
store, objected that none were long
enough. II want" she said, 'the
longest hose that are made" "Then,
madam" was the reply, "you had
better apply at the next engine
house"
-"Yes sir" said the politician to
the caucus manipulation, 1.-The Office
should seek the man, and not the
man the office" Exactly" an
swercd the caucus manipulation.
"But, in this case, when the offic GER
starts out to seek the man Eyes,
sir" IL want you to fix it SO that [
will be the first man it will find"
This conversation was over
heard i'm a horse car in the days
when curls were fashionable:
"Please Maria see if my curl is all
right"
"Goodness gracious, Carrie, you
haven't lost it, have you
A general litter among the pas
sengers was the result of the last
loudly whispered remark, which cut
the air with awful distinctness as
the a came to a halt.
Old Bilkins-"Yes, stree. |
eve made no mistake when | gave
my son an education"
Old Pilkins-"Doin' we'll since he
went through college, eh ?"
well, | should say he was. He's
Just that smart now he can more in
a month than [ make in a year"
"You don't say SO? Well, we'll !!
Education is a great thing, that's a
fact. What's his business p
"He's a baseball pitcher"
David Davis told the following
story on himself: One day on the
stump. at the end of burst Of elo-
quence, he claimed: Il know no
East, no West, no North, no South"
"Then," said one of his hearers,
you'd better go home and study up
on j~eogerphy.' 1T broke me all
up" saws Mr.. Davis, "and from that
on till the close Of my address there
was no personal magnetism in my
bursts of campaign e%loquence."
"A Juror at the last term ofcourt
in Elizabeth City, n. c., sent the
Judge the following note: Judge l
am at a Lost, for THAR is 3 men on
this iurie that wonte A Gre with the