News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-09-22
$50 much the better. Then he can
pass himself off as foreign-born citi-
zen and get elected to an office. '--Je'0-
eLrU Nr,ns

zen and get elected to an office. "--Je'o-
eIIy Ncoos.
SOBER SECOND THOUGHT,
"You say you want to marry my
daughter; have YOU spoken to herr"
eyes, sir" replied the young man.
''and have gained her consent.
"Well, if she has said yes that settles
it. Anything I might say or do wouldn't
have the slightest influence.
Then the young man goes home and
wonders if he isn't too young to marry
such girl.
AN OLD TRUTH UPSET.
A slender lieutenent from Skye,
Was as thin as a capital L;
He said Its too bad,
But then / can pad"
Which shows that figures do lie.--Life.
PROPER FOOD.
''1m going to be contOrtionistw when
grow up" said little Johnny, proudly.
Tim in training now, so l want you to
tell me what is the best thing for me to
eat"
'sGreen apples, my boy" chuckled
the old man.-Judge.
INA COTTAGE.
Never ask girl if she believes in love
in q cottage unless you can show clear
deed to the cottage. 1t would be well to
have the deed with you, and show it as
o curiosity.-LOuisoiUe Democrat.
BUSINESS ACTIVITY.
"You have q lively set of clerks" he
said to the proprietor of the establish
ment. SIT must be pleasant and profit
able to have employees SO full of energy
and vim"
eyes, responded the proprietor eve
close early to-day and they are getting
ready to go home"
SENTIMENT VERSUS BUSINESS.
Young Mani cannot understand,
sir, why you permit your daughter to
sue me for breach of promise. You re-
member that you were bitterly opposed
to our engagement because I wasn't
good enough for her and would disgrace
the family.
Old Man-Young man, that was SEN
timent; this is business.
BOYS REASON.
"What's the matter, sonny 2" asked
kind old gentleman of little boy, who
was crying bitterly.
''Ive run away from home"
"Why don't you go right home?
Your father will be very glad indeed to
see you. Don't you remember the story
of the Prodigal Son?"
"FYes, sir.
"Why don't you follow his example,
then p
"C-Cause don't like veal. Wash
ingt0n Critic.
NO NAME.
An Irishman, not long in America,
stopped in front of a small wooden shed
III the street near some houses that were
being built. He read the sign of the
contractor, painted in large letters on
the shed, "T. Crowley, builder" and
contemptuously remarked: "Bedad, eff
Oh cudn't build bigger house thin that
Oi wudn't put me same on little
Epoch.
MEATERY.
The Outlet said to the Mutton-chop:
Don't you feel cut up when you leave the
shopl"
And the Chop replied, with choking sob:
Il should feel much worse if my name were
Bob;"
But the Outlet returned with shrug genteel:
'-Oh, that's just you happen toveal. = Puck.
FARMERS MISTAKE.
Farmer-And what is your brother
Frank doing now?
City Visitor-Hes paying a good deal
of attention to lis etching.
Farmer-Um. What is he taking for
it?-Judge.
HOME AGAIN.
Robinson (who has Just returned from
abroad, and is not only willing but anx-
ious to tell everybody all about his trip
Hello, Jones, I'm glad to see you.
I've just got back, you know.
Jones-Back from where2
Robinson-Why, Europe.
Jones-That so? I've been away my
self for a couple of weeks, out West.
The West is great country, Robinson.
l was surprised. Why, in certain por-
tions of Illinois the"
Robinson with disgust me,
Jones; but I've got to catch a train !
BAD LOOKOUT.
Mrs. Hayseed (whose son is at col
lege)-George writes that he is taking
fencin' lessons.
Mr.. Hayseed-Fm glad O. that. I'll
set him diggin' post holes when he
gifts home.
POPULARITY.
"What's going on inside 2" asked
reporter of fourth ward policeman,
pointing to house that was brilliantly
lighted.
"To-day is 'Cracksman Jims' birth
day, and a lot of his friends have sur
prised him with beautiful set of burg
lars tools. It'd Bits.
Mr.. Milksop-I would do anything
to please you; only command me.
She-Go spend the evening with Lily
Brown.
Mr.. M.-Why?
She-Because [ hate her.