The Vermont watchman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1883-1911, 1887-01-12
Pith and Point.

IenI tHlI-WthHeI.
SOUTH CAROLINA has no divorce laws
upon its statute books, and does not grant A
divorce for any cause whatever.
SAM JONES says that a man should be
ninety-fve per cent backbone. That don't
leave much for Cheek Boston Post.
If anybody wants to buy some garden
seeds and lawn-mower, now is the time TO
get them cheap. JoUrpoi.
THE young man who has his evenings to
himself generally goes and gives them to
some one else.-NeW orleans PicoBUne.
A CIRCUS performer in Berlin Jumps from
one horse to another as they 90 at full
speed in opposite directions around the ring.
RECENT observations are said to indicate
the existence of a submarine volcanic crater
between the Canary Islands and the coast
Of Portugal.
THE new rector: "Well, my little fellow,
are you a churchman?" John Saltonstall
Shaw, 3D. ono, Mr.. Transept, papa and I.
are mugwumps."
The farmers of Ingham county, Michigan,
are believed to have been cheated out of
S250,000 by the Bohemian oat swindlers.
Many farmers have been ruined by them.
A COUPLE of Charlotte (Michigan) men
heard the screech of a locomotive whistle
and at once armed themselves and started
for the woods to kill the strange animal
CbicdgO Nelcs.
PROFESSOR SUMNER asks: "what makes
the rich richer and the poor poorer"
Every one ought to know that money
usually accomplishes the first and the want
of it the latter.
How are collections, doctor?'' he asked
of a young physician. " Slow" " What's
the trouble? Money tight?" No; the
trouble is nobody owes me anything
Jumpers Bdzdr
A FARMER near Waldron Mo-, has a
healthy four-months-old pig that has two
feet on each leg and on each foot five toes.
Such breed of pigs would be profitable in
a community partial to picked pigs feet.
"AN' you say desc chickens am young
and tender, does you?' " Sartin' dey is! "
" How come dey got desc CRATE long spurs,
den?' " Oh! dem am spring heels Don't
you motifs dat de youngest chiluns always
wears dat kind2'-.JudJe.
THE school-teacher at Osceola, w. r.. is a
young woman of only eighteen years but
she has no difficulty in keeping order, for
she threatens to sit down on the first pupil
who is insubOrdinate. She weighs three
hundred twenty-five pounds.
"AND now, my dear general come and sit
by me and tell me all the scandal that's
! happened while I've been away" Well
| really, Mrs. Mallecho, er--you see-er-the
! fact is, that while you've been away there
has been no scandaln'-Punch.
The longevity of a tree is largely ques-
ton of food. \ tree which, with plenty to
eat and drink may be kept in good health
for two hundred or three hundred years is
old and decript at less than one hundred
or two hundred when it grows where food
| is scarce
! francs for a case which he had won for him.
| "That is dear" said the peasant. " Two
! francs or nothing" said the lawyer. "Ah!
! nothing suits me better; good day; much
obliged" replied the peasant, to the sur
prise of the lawyer.
A BABY dressed in expensive and elegant
! clothing was found the other day in snow
/ bank beside the Chicago 4 Northwestern
railway track near Milwaukee. 1t had evil
! IDENTIFY been thrown from the window of a
passing train. When found it was comfort
ably sucking its fist
THE Dry Goods Chronicle says that not
more than one per cent of the merchants of
| Philadelphia succeed in business. In New
| York not over two per cent of the merchants
| secure independence, and in Boston, where
the chances are the best, the successful are
only three in hundred.
THE citizens of st. Augustine, Fla, who
have already celebrated the three hundredth
anniversary of the landing of Ponce de Leon
were so pleased with the performance that
! they are going to take advantage of the UNI
| certainty as TO the year or the place of the
event, and will land Ponce again this year.
"LooK here" said man this morning
going into his grocer's, :. those eggs you sold
me New Years We're bad" Well, that
wasn't my fault" Whose was it, then?'
Blamed if 1 know. How should l tell
| what was inside of them2 I'm a grocery
man; I'm no mind-reader. - Washington
critic.
THE great trouble with you, John, is, -
said a lady to her husband, who was suffer
ing from the effects of the night before,
-.
John and you will have fewer headaches
Can you let me have little money this
morning." NO. said John, with appar-
ent eaSe.-Puc6.
IL New York business Office there was
a young man who did not do much except
loaf. He has, moreover, of late acquired
the habit of coming to the office very late
His employer remarked to him. " You are
late again this morning" Yes, but it can 7
make much difference, as you say don't
do anything" replied the clerk. That's
true. You do absolutely nothing but
want you to do it in the office. "-Ierds SVt
0gS
The opera has become favorite place in
New York for showing off diamonds. The
display at the Metropolitan Opera house
every night is fairly dazzling The cluster
which Mrs Bradley Martin wears on the
corsage of her black gown, says the New
York sun, looks as if it might be the planet
% a.
inferior world. With the men it appears
that opera or crush hats are no longer
fashionable, and white or lavender kiC
gloves are now an essential part of theil
toilet.
A YOUNG man, with an expression OF con
iidence on his face, entered Michigan ave
nue. clothing store yesterday and asked 81
am straight business. | want suit o
clothes. There are seven of us who will
buy our clothes at the same place. l have
been sent on ahead to get prices.
Humph!' If bring the other six here
to buy, what will you make this $50 sui
for?" The clothier went over and sat dowl
face. You didn't answer my question.
"My friendt, please go oudt. You max,
me VERY tred,' What's the matter witt
you? Don't you want me to bring the part.
here" g No, my friendt, don't All m,
sales to-day go to an orphan asylum, and
like to keep 'em down to a summer coat ant
pair of secondhand pants! Better try de-
man two door below. "-DetroH FREE Press
SENATOR DANIEL of Virginia is an orato
of the old Virginia style, introduced b.
Patrick Henry and transmitted dow
through succeeding generations. specl
, men of this histrionic elocution was tn
, opening paragraph of a speech, by MI
Daniel at Petersburg during recent politi
cal campaign: " Fellow-citZens of the OLE
commonwealth of Virginia; ! come to yoI
from the fair domain of the mother of states
: men and presidents. | come from the val
lev of the Shenandoah, the daughter of tn
3 stars. There the river flows, whispering t
2 it's grassy banks the name of Lee, Lee, Lee
The riVulptS flowing down the mOuntaiI