Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1887-03-10
WIT AND IIUMGR.
THE FASHIONABLE FEEDFI,

THE FASHIONABLE FEEDER.
At banquet one night hungry crowd
Yelling ''waiiow,s hog wanow. hog wal
low Fl
And the pigs in the alley with one accord
squealins: ''wallow, hog walow, hog wal
| low"
mo wonder we're left in tho alley and street
there meet.
With that style of manners we cannotco'@
Oh, wallow, hog wallow hog walow.'
| Washington Critic.
The umbrella with the solid silver
handle stays borrowed as well as any
other
The .'glass of fashion" during cold
weather =" -Four of Scotch, hot:
Funny Folks.
The cost of the cigars and whisky Of
the average man would buy his wife II
$500 sealskin sacque, but it doesn't
Burlington Free Press.
| The rack was one of the instruments
of torture III the oldcn time. The
music rack is usually used for the same
purpose to-day. -BoStoaa Manufacturers
| Gazette.
Tfamp-"I am in need of a little
money" Gent = 'Why don't you
shovel show?" II haven't time. !"
"How sop ''All my time is taken up
in begging. "-7eras Syttngs.
| There was once, time when we
wondered what the difference was be-
tween an alderman-at-largc and a
| plain, everyday alderman. We think
we perceive difference now.-Lffe. -
Little boy pulls reveler in saloon
| by the coat-tail. What do You want,
| Tommy" Come home, pa. Ma has
been waiting with the poker for you
for the last two hours. "-7eraS Slit
ings.
An inventor at Stuttgart is said to
| have perfected machine for deadening
/ the sound of a piano. 1t will not be q
success. The only sure way to keep u
piano quiet is to deaden the pianist
Utica Observer.
A Massachusetts soldier who was
| prisoner in Libby advertises for some
one ''who can remember whether he
had Boston baked beans served him or
not" If not, he will apply for pen
sion.-Detroa Free Press.
IF there is anything l like better
| than classical music" said Mai. Bran
nigan in high voice, as he moved
with the throng out of the concert
room, ''it's lemons. They both set my
teeth on edge. San Francisco Post
| First Knight of Labor-"What do
you suppose Smith said the first time
he saw that baby of his?" Second
night-"Give it up. What did he
say?" First Knight - Lets make u
knight of it. "-Burlington Free Press.
Western highwayman (to supposed
merchant) -Halt, and throw up your
hands! Traveller Shaking his sleeves)
There they are, eight aces and eight
kings. Highwayman-Say, pard, can
YOU gimme a chew? - NeO Hareas
| NeWs.
Father Ito daughter) Have you
accepted the addresses of Mr.. Money
bags?" Daughter - Yes, papa.
Father-..Well, isn't he very old my
dear?' Daughter-''Yes papa; but he
J isn't nearly rs old MS ! wish he were. "
--Net0 York' San.
..Well. / Declare exclaimed Mrs.
McSwilligan, If one OF those Chicago
Anarchists isn't going to be married.
| think it 5 rank shame. $50 do /, y
replied her husband. II think hang
ing is punishment enough for him. -
PSaStufg Chronicle.
Connoisseur Cooking at the picture
of female head --"Ah Here's some
thing worth looking ut One of the
old masters; no doubt of it." His
daughter-'.W Why, pa, how blind you
are getting! Can't you see its a wo-
man? - Boston transcript.
Mother-"Good night, Robbie don't
forget to say your praSe Robbie
"But mamma, don't have TO say my
PRAYERS any more Mother-'.What
DO you meanP'' Robbie-"Why /
forgot to say them last night and |
was all right this morning. Harvard
Lampoon.
First worshipper-.'Why are you
wearing those big thick ear-muffs,
Smith, it isn't coldP" Second wor-
shipper-'I am going to church. 80
am I; but what of that?n 1--WE have
discharged our choir and are going to
hare congregational singing to-day.
-Igd-Btts.
An ..impressionistn sent in Sun
set picture to the Royal Academy. He
carefully marked on the back of the
frame which was the right side up, but
he added, i'll polite note, ..Should my
work be placed on your wall upside
down. please catalogue itas sunrise. !
Il -i.oni0n Telegraph.
4 Sweet girI-.And so you have been
on the plains for ten years. Hand
some cowboy-..Yes, this is the first
time I've been back iuto real ciyiliza-
tion.n Now, please tell me, in that
lonely life, SO far removed from the
refining influences of-civilization. you
know-what did yoR miss most"
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