News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-03-10
A LECTURE ON ECONOMY,

A stupid looking tramp knocking at
one of the finest residences in Austin,
was received by the lady of the house.
"What do you want ~
"Please'm give me a dime to buy a
glass of bread; 'scuse me, mean loaf
of beer
81 haven't got any money"
"Haven got no money! Then,
madam, modest as this cottage is, l
would suggest your moving into a
cheaper house; you are evidently living
beyond your means. Economy is
wealth. Economic in the way of
clothes and house rent Cut your ex-
penses, and then, perhaps, some day
you Will have dime to spare "a dime,
madam, that may be the means of pre-
venting hungry and thirsty fellow
| mortal from committing suicide or It
may be quarter--a coin of the value
| of twenty-five cents-that will upholster
the dark clouds of the horizon OF his
dispairing soul with silver plated lin
ing, and fill his stomach with book beer.
Good day. fair lady."-TSras Sytings.
MUST HAVE BLUsHED.
The ingenious child of the family has
been listening to her sisters conversa-
ton. The young man comes around,
gotten up regardless and decked with q
buttonhole flower The child steals into
the parlor and comesup sheepishly. She
looks at one side of his face and then at
the other.
"What are you looking at, Mabelq'
81 don't see nuthin'l''
"What did you expect to see7'
- =. u
was awful mad about you, and my sister
said that she never saw man with so
much cheek as you; but you amt got
any particular that 1 can see. San
Francisco Chronicle.
ACCEPTING THE SITUATION.
Bobby Ito young Featherly)-Will you
please pass me the cake basket, Mr..
Featherly?
Mamma-No, Bobby, you cannot have
any more cake.
Bobby-Why not, ma?
Mamma-Because / have said no.
You will have to take no for an answer.
Bobby (resignedly- Well, I'm no
worse off than Mr.. Featherly.
Mr.. Featherly (amused)-How so,
Bobby?
Bobby-Sister Clara SAYS you'll have
to take no for an answer.-N. Y. Sun.
HE WAS SPARED.
Jupkins, Swell, Jack, you look
hearty, and Pm glad to see you safe and
sound. Those Western men are lawless
folk, hear.
Jupkins, Jr. Gust from Montana)-I
never had any difficulty with them.
"Well, Pm sure I've heard that they
shoot man who refuses to drink with
them. Did they never ask you to
drinkW
'Um-yes."
'But they spared you, on account of
your youth?"
''Er-no. always drank. ."-Bufalo
Courier.
THROWING MovEY AWAY.
During the strike of the coal handlers
the clerk of New York coal dealer ap-
piled one Saturday night to his boss, as
usual, for his salary.
"There is no money coming to you,
Mr.. Smithers."
"No money coming to mel / guess
you owe me my weeks wages"
"On the contrary, you owe me
money"
CLOVIS that2"
'Ha! ha! young man, you didn't
know saw you throw a ten dollar chunk
of coal at cat last Wednesday, but l
did. That lump of coal would be worth
nine dollars right now" w."-1Gras SittingS.
THE OLD STORY.
History of the Young Man who Started
Paper to Fill Long Felt Want.
CHAPTER I.
HIS EXPERIEA CE.
g-
CHAPTER II.
HIS CAPITAL.
G8 0
CHAPTER III.
AFTER LAPSE Or TWO YEtRs.
HIS CAPITAL.
e@
CHAPTER ".
HIS EXPERIENCE.
aB O
APPENDIX.
MORAL WITHHELD BY REQUEST.
- Western PLoaOman.
CHEAP RENTS.
Poor Young Artist-That is an exact
copy of one of Raphael's works, madam.
An art gallery on Fifth avenue charges
$75, 900 for the original. You can have
this for So. 2.25.
Madam-That seems to be a wide
difference in price.
Poor Young Artist-Yes; but don't
have to pay Fifth avenue rents, you
now.-Puch.
GETTING Bill D.
Bobby (returned from an errand) :
Ma, Miss Smith is gettin' blind, think.
Mother-W hy, Bobby2
Bobby-Recause when | went into the
hat2" and there it was on my head all
the time.