The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1887-12-08

"Oh! that Is w alGecK, the actor.
''He does not look much like an actor
off the stage" said the other. "Still
less when he's on the stage" retorted
Saphir. Of another poor player, a
low comedian, he once remarked that,
Testing aside, he was not bad actor.
There was some difficulty owing to
the nature of the soil, in digging the
foundation for statue to be erected
in honor of an important Grand Duke.
famous for nothing IN particular
The humorist and friend passed the
men at work. What are they do
ing ?" asked the latter "Oh! they
are trying to find ground for raising
a monument to the Gross Herzog,"
was the reply Driving ont in the
suberbs Of Vienna one day, his coach
man, a peppery Meth kntscher, got
into an alteration with rival Jehu.
Words soon led to oaths, and oaths to
blows, and the pair set-to in good ear
nest to decide which was the better
man Popping his head out Of the
facre-window, Saphir mildly implored
the pair to oblige him. and drub each
other as quickly as they could,
for he had engaged the car
riage by the hour" But Saphir could
be extremely rude, and was not unfre-
quently as coarse as Swift, of whom,
by the way he was diligent student
for he was master of English At
ball, a young lady, heated with dan
cling, and one who should have known
better, remarked that she ''felt as
though she were stewiug." "But still
quite raw" observed the wit, in
stage aside. Another young person
once asked him which was the great
est miracle in the Bible, and then,
without waiting for an answer, added,
''that Elijah did not burn in the fiery
chariot that appeared and took him to
heaven" mo" said Saphir, ''it was
Balaam's ass: the ass that made an
swer before it was questioned. A
great bore, seated next to him at din
ner, was excusing his evident fondness
for the bottle. Good wine," said the
parsonage. makes us forget trouble
and vexation, and enables us to bear
up against the thousands of disagree
ab1es we encounter and have to sub
nit to. Don't you, Herr Saphir,
| think it excusable in a man to drink
sometimes?" "Oh, yes!' replied the
wit; quite excusable. if he happen to
sit next to you at dinner" A wealthy
relative, of whom he wished to bor-
row little money, reproached him
with his incapacity for business
why, you cannot even add" ex-
claimed the Jewish money-bags, sum-
ming up the writer's delinquencies.
"No," retorted the other; "but l can
subtract, and if one were to subtract
your money from you, there would be
only nothing left
Saphir was no respecter Of persons,
and nothing could abash him. King
Ludwig Of Bavaria, the verse maker
to whom he owed his expulsion from
Munich, walked up to him one day,
and tapping the felt hat he wore ut
tered the single word, Ellis" Now,
FTls, which means 'felt." is also
most opprobious epithet, and the
Kings conduct was grossly insulting.
In reply, Saphir merely touched the
overcoat he wore, with the remark,
"Wasser-dichter,' that is to say,
waterproof" But as Dichter also
means a "poet," the term signifed
waterproof" Germanism applied to
one who is no poet at ALL He could
be as rude in a amiable fashion too.
A young couple, newly engaged, were
favored with letter of introduction
to him, which they duly presented
Now, the gentleman was notorious
for his effeminate habits and ways,
and his ways, and his appearance at
once struck the eye of the observant
journalist, who had heard about him.
He said nothing, received the pair
with impressment, insisted upon their
being seated in his most comfortable
easy-chairs, assured them how pleased
he was to hear Of their engagement,
and wound up ith,-"Now, pray,
you must, you really must, tell me
which Of you is the bride" Travel
ing in a second-class carriage between
Hamburg and Berlin, he had a little
misunderstanding with lady, the on
ly occupant Of the compartment be-
side himself, in reference to the open
ing Of a window. ''You don't appear
to know the difference, Mein Herr,
between the second and third Glass;
said the lady, cuttingly. "Oh, Mad
amr' replied Saphir, II am an old
railway traveller; l know all the class
distinctions In the first class, the
passengers behave rudely to the guard
in the third, the guards behave rudely
to the passengers; in the second with
a bow to his fellow-traveler), the pas
sengers behave rudely to each other"
Some Of his briefer sayings are ex-
tremely droll. He once described
theatre as being so full that people
were obliged to laugh perpendicular
ly, there was no room to do so hori-
OF dull townlet he visit
ed, he remarked it was so quiet that
Int fo, ON nnnac;nnal 1nnfh 4lo,.a