St. Paul daily globe., 1887-10-23
HOMESPUN PARAGRAPHS.
CHASED BY HARD LUCK.

I'D CHASED BY HARD LUCK.
- He sat in the park the other day, detected
looking man. His clothes were in poor con-
dition, his shoes were tied with wrapping
twine and there was tired look in his gray
eyes that grew sad as he said to a man with q
red nose who sat on the seat near him:
I've he'd hard luck, pardner. Their devil
seems ter be chasin' me every burned step
take. When was er kid down in Kerneti-
cut, workin' on er farm, they kept me turnin'
I ther grindstun in ther summer and sortin'
pertaters in ther winter. I runned erway
from ther farm an went to ther city. Their
fust day 1 struck ther town fell through er
coal hole an broke my arm. / finally went
ter Derkota an settled on er 160 acres. l got
erlong all right for erwhile, but one day ther
minister run away with my wife, an gittin'
discouraged, 1 sold ther farm fur $500 an
cum ter st. Paul ter see what cud do''
Ibid yer ketch ONT" inquired the man with
the roseate nose.
''1aas, ketched on all right. I bought
ther patent right for st. Louis county of this
pump fur pumpin out cisterns,' and he
showed the man model of pump.
How much'd yer give fur it?''
''Five hundred dollars. Every burned cent
l had i'll ther world"
SIT looks to me like er good thing"
''Ther pumps good enough
''What's ther matter then?''
'sWaal pardner, thar ain er burned cistern
in st. Louis county"
PROBABLY NOT PUMP HANDLES.
The milkman's wife read aloud in the
Farmers Review that ''the people of Siberia
buy their milk frozen around stick which
serves as handle.''
''How strange SAID she to her husband
be mixed with the milk of Jersey cow with
out giving it a blueish cast.
''Why?' asked the husband, suspending his
pencil for moment.
SIT is so different from our way OF getting
milk
''Yes, there may be little difference in the
handles
IMPROVEMENT BADLY NEEDED.
A convention was held down in Memphis
this week to discuss the improvement of
Western rivers. Too much time should not
be wasted in considering the condition of
water in this Western country. Water IS
something that the average Western citizen
has but a passing acquaintance with. If you
want to get solid with the very core of the
Western mans heart. If you want to be wor-
SHIPPED by the Western citizen. If you want
to go down to your grave honored and re-
spected and loved by the men of the West
don't fool away your time in trying to i'm
prove Western rivers, but set your brain
about devising some scheme for improving
Western Whiskey.
HOW IT LOOKED.
''How does it look, dear?'a asked the tall
wife of her undersized husband as she adj
justed new bonnet to the top of her head.
10 Like the height of foIly,'' he calmly re-
p1iad oS ba pIidad hahipd tho nooI ctova
DAKOTA GIRL's s PROPOSAL.
''You dursn't do it!''
She stood in the door of the editorial room
of the Dakota Wall looking down on the edi-
tor with sort of an rve-been-starying- for a.
man look as she uttered the above words.
She was fine specimen of female muchness
done up in a suit of black alpaca, from be
meath which peeped out pair OF feet that
gave him the impression that the builder of
that piece of human architecture, to be sure
of having material enough, had completed
the hoofs first and put the remainder into
the superstructure. Her fingers twitched
neryously as her eager gaze hnngrily gulped
the editor in. .,-.
''You dursnt do it, she repeated.
''Do whaty' asked the editor
''Marry me-"
s'Marry you?''
Yes, you AIN 1t got the SanQ.
s'You bet your life have, if you've got the
DUST
"That's what have, pardner, and the man
that promises to sleep in my claim shack and
paralyze my cookery's welcome to it,
How're you fiXed?''
''What's that?''
How're you fixed? How much stuff have
you gots''
STUFF! Suffering Jimtown, man, I've got
more wealth than 1 know what to do with
I've proved up on a homestead on the Goose
river; I'm holding down a tree claim in
Dickey county. have got pre- emption five
miles from LaMoure and have got So, 900
packed away in my sock. Amt that stuff
enough?"
You are pretty we'll heeled. How old are
your"
81 amt kept track of my age since left
the states, but my teeth re all hunky doree
and you bet your sweet existence can kick
higher'n any dude in the town, whoop la ~
and with a yell that would have made a
Piute Indian shed his war paint with envy
she swung her right tan yard over the edi-
tors head and kicked the paste pot clean
through stuffed antelope that stood in the
corner.
You're dandy old girl" whispered the
editor, as he fixed himself so that it would be
convenient for him to fall out the window
when she started her ant-crushers out on an
other expedition. you're dandy, but I'm
afraid"
''Oh, yer needn't be afraid of nothin' when
I'm around. reckon can take care of you
all right
NO, but you see I'm afraid-rm afraid our
tastes-''
''Tastes! Good Lord, man, I don't taste
nothin'. / could chew up whole stock yard
and not taste it. Tastin don't give me no
trouble
Yes. but-Our tastes might be different
We might be unhappy"
what, yer amt goin' back on me, pard?''
Il really don't think we could've could
get along as happily as man and wife
should"
'Oh, yer sucker, I'm onter you. Yer got
me to give away how much I'm worth an
now want ter break yer promise. oh, yer
1ong-necked, yellershaired, sour, complicated
dude from Winnipeg. I've been in Dakota
too long ter be fooled by any of yer slim
legged crowd. I'll larn yer er lesson
She moved majestically towards the editor,
and he felt her bean hooks tighten on his
coat collar, then things began to whirl. That
was the last he remembered till he came to
himself in his boarding house on a cot.where
the doctor told him he must remain until his
leg healed and his collar bone grew together
Il Tom HOLMES.