The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1887-09-24
cold BIackie.o
The Boss Snake Story of the Summer Told
by Farmer.


Georgia Exchange.
Six or eight grangers and legislators
were sitting in front of the Markham
House last night, chatting pleasantly
about various subjects. Conversation
turned upon snakes, and some wonder
full yarns were spun. After awhile
there was pause, when Farmer Bethune
said, as he mopped the sweat from
his bronzed face:
These yarns be purity fair, | confess,
gentlemen, but kin match 'em, if l
mistake not
He was encouraged to proceed, and
he contiued:
well, sir, you may talk about your
queer varmints, but | sware the story
of 'Old Blacky' will git away with all
of ye. 1t was early in last spring that
long, sleek, black sarpint used to
crawl from under my barn, and he
'peared so kind O. friendly and harm
less never had heart to kill the brute.
Regular every day he would come
creeping out and sun himself right at
the kitchen door, and my young wife
she TUX kindly to the poor thing, and
used to throw bits O. scraps an the
like to 'Old Blacky,' as we cheristened
him.
'One morning, as he was sprawled
before the steps, throw'd him hand
full of water melon seeds that was car
rying to py patch to plant. Old Blacky
just gulphed 'em down, and crawled
under the barn, and never agin did /
see my old black friend, until the time
l am about to tell ye about. Nigh
unto month after, l noticed flush of
the barn door, mighty fourishing
melon plant that crowd and spread,
sich watermelons that crowd on that,
gentlemen, l never beheld. Thar
was one as big as the biggest l ever
did see.
'One mornin' my wife come to me
and said: 'Gafney, dear, sposen to-
night we just ask Parson Jones and
Miss Melindy Snipes over to the cut
ting of our giant melon, that / notice
is jist ready to pull itself if we don't
pull it.
'Cordingly twas greed that we
would, and as the melon was brought
in sich words of admiration you never did
hear, as the parson and the ladies said.
Bring it kere honey said | to Milindy,
my youngest gal, who was tugging Wig
orously under the weight of the melon.
'Yes, pa, said she, turning red in the
face, 'but run quick, pa, it's falling,
she yelled, and down squashed the
melon with heavy thud, breaking it full
in two. Gentlemen, such screeching
and screaming went out as never you
did hear, for out of the melon crawled
'Old Blacky,' and jist looked up at me
as knowingly as ye please.
'The parson, he jist rolled his eyes
to the ceiling and called on the Lord.
Miss Milindy she katched up her skirts
and stood on top O. the table, while
my old lady and I fust looked at one
another, and then at the sarpent.-
'Bless the Lord, Nancy said |, 'it's
Old Blacky come dack g'in.' Jist how
it come about no one know'd. Nancy,
she lowed the sarpent crowd the mel
on, but Parson Jones rubbed his hands
and said: Sister Bethune, the Lord
only knows just how and when, we'uns
only know that CROWN was done.
'Yes, sirs, gentlemen said Squire
Bethune, blowing spark in his clay
pipe, 'if you don't b'lieve every word
say, you can jist speak to Parson Jones
and git the facts from him. You know
parson can't tell a lie.
The caucus Immediately dissolved.
sa%You are frightened at that loud,
roaring noise, are your Think it's an
earthquake because it jars the windows,
hey2 Well, it isn't-it's simply a
prominent citizen down at the court
house paying his taxes. He has found
out that they are SITS and he is max
ing all that noise about it. He paid
SIS for cigars last month and his bar
bill was $40, and only last week he was
fined $40 for being drunk and disorder
ly; and he paid all these things and
never made even little roar--not even
a growl. But, great Scott listen to him
now when he finds his taxes are $I.75 |!
Just hear him howl He says the Govern
ment, general and local, is fraud and
a snare and a delusion. Taxes $I.75!
He won't stand it He knows when
he's oppressed and ground down A
dollar and seventy-fve cents for a
whole years taxes ! Great heavens,
he says, no wonder men are socialists |
Dakota Bell.
p@Mirth is heavens medicine
Every one ought to bathe in it. Grim
care, moroseness, anxiety, all this rust
of life ought to be secured off by the
oil of mirth. 1t is better than energy.
Every man ought to rub himself with it..
A man without mirth is like vehicle
without springs, in which one is caused
disagreeably to jolt by every stone over
which it turns.
nara bachelor is privileged to claim
kiss and a pair of gloves upon an
nouncing the new moon to the first
maiden he meets.