The Lebanon express. (Lebanon, Linn County, Or.) 1887-1898, 1887-03-12
WIT AND HUndoR.

K
us a visit next week. ."-NeO Haven
Net1s.
In the country: ..And is the air
healthy in this villageP" Excellent
monsieur. excellent One can become
a centenarian here in a little while. -
French Fun.
LADY, can give you little more of
that clam chowder if you want it
Tramp-Thank you. I've had all want,
an besides you'll need what's left to
wash the dishes with.-LJe.
Youthful Bostonian-M Mamma, aren't
Mr.. Holmes and Mr.. Lowell both absent
from the city? Mamma believe they
are, dear. Y. B.-Well, can't call my
trousers pants" just while they're
awayP-Lye.
| There is not so very much difference
between New York Alderman and
/ tramp. One walks the street wondering
where he will find bail. and the other
where ne can get something to eat
Charleston Netos
! Il notice that you call your tiancee
| Mag. jogging. Is her name Margaret"
mo, that is contraction for Magnet.
Fangle." lis that her name?" mot
at all call her that because she is so
attractive. ''-M. j. MatL
When the rumble of the explosion at
Bayside reached the ears OF West.
chester lady. she exclaimed: johns
been tryin' ter pass that bad quarter
again down ter Purdy's He hit the
road hard that time. "-ttIck.
ey-'.Shpakin' of religun. me wife.
Mary Ann. is an infidel Rafferty,
''Shure an that's too bad. Why don't
yez git divorce?" Riey---On phat
grounds, RAFFERTY," Ralferty-'on the
grounds OF iniidelity. av course y
hanl6.er.
A young widow in mourning for her
faithless spouse who died some weeks
before: II am very happy. she
sighed. when her friends came To con-
sole with her. But then one conscla-
ton remains. know where he passes
his nights. '-Fre.ch Fun.
Jawkin-rhat was u rather sudden
death of old SEintlim's. What was the
matter with him? Hawkins-Ec Economy
The two undertakers are running each
other, anu funerals are away down III
price. Old Skiuflint never missed Il bar
gain il his life LOscett JtsizeH.
Some men are very careless" re-
marked Dumley Il went into cigar
store this morning and on the showcase
Law chang tor a S5 bill. which some
customer had evidently forgotten" Il
say. Dumiey," whispered Featherly.
..have you got it yet?'-AeT lork sun.
A Young man found Il handbag at
Tuscola, Ill. Ii contained S35. aud be-
longed TO a widow in Antwood. and
when the young man returned it she re-
} warded MIN by marrying him the next
: day. We hate To print lnis Item. Ii is
such discourager TO honesty in young
men.
He (who thinks he ought 10 say some
thing)-'.Haw. by the by. have you
evah heard Miss EiIz-Morrs play that
little thing YOU just played?" She (hav-
. ing just finished her favorite nOcturne)
mo" lie 'Haw. YOU ought TO.
she plays il 50 beautifully. - hurper' s
Bozdr.
Stnge-struck lady (anxiously) -..Isn'i
the expression mule sad?' Liiho-
graphic arItst-''Y, Y,u vus going To daig
dot NJ gadu on der road. amt it?s'
Stage->lruck lady - Yes" Litho
graphic artist Veil. dot pordraid viii
/ pc vusl ike you in apOut d'ree weeks. y
/ lid Bats.
3 They were siandin on the deck of &
{ | CunardeI InaI runs 10 the Hub. AND
what is that shining SOP" she asked
? That is the dome of the Slaie-house
: | was born right in It's shadow" .-YoU
) don't say? And this is really America.
: then?' %. dear no, this is Boston.
3 -Nec HdUeR AeUS
: Algernon-I should like vewy much
! to go for a dwive with you. old chap
I but | cahn't do it; | have to pwactice
: Adolphus You are moi
studying anything. are you? Algernor
No. deah boy; but pwactice an hou
a day twying TO learn To keep my eye
glass in my eye Rambler.
FIRST fisherman-W What's the matter
: old man. did you forget the lines anC
, bait? Second fisherman CCnfoun,
my forgetfulnessl Yes. First fisherman
. You remembered the cards aud flask
: it's to be hoped. Second fisherman
! Yes. First fisherman-O, well. | CUES
. we can manage Ttd-Bits.
/. First dude-Aw, Charlie. have yor
r two hawves for one. don't you know
Q Second dude (taking out his portemon
Il naie)-Awv cawse. Fwed. First dud
g -Aw. I'm deuced glawd. don't yo
i know. I'm tine one, Charlie. awnd II
Y be beholden to you faw the loan aw
d them. don't you know WaShingto
it Critic.
n MIR Featherly," said Bobby. ignol
o ing his mothers signal TO keep still
e Ibid you ever hear pa whistler" Ne
II Bobby" laughed Featherly, II neve
t. have had that pleasure. well, yo
e will" went on Bobby. He told m
q that he lent you 50 last night and ths
L he expected to whistle for it"-Net
K York san.
y Yes" said the father of the boy, :.
g want my son to learn the butcher bus
= ness. and if you will give him job "
- won't say anything about wages for 81
Z months" do you think he is titte
for the business?" asked the butcher
Fitted for the busnessP Why, jus
look at those hands. They don't weig
I less than two pounds a piece.-N.
= Sun.
mo, George" she said. IL cann'
:. marry you. l shall always esteem yo
i as friend. bnt cannot be your wife.
George hesitated. ..Clar;l," he sal,
J, = brokenly. Twill you grant me one fave
\ before l go away fOrever?" ''Ye
A George" she replied, kindly. "Wn;
: is 1t" please put your refusal dow
on paper. I'll feel safer. ."-Harper
:, Bdzdr.
g Artless little thing (proud of h
4 li,,rtiStio aannirannantSN. do hn,