The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1887-12-23
CHRISTMAS CHIPS.

CHRIEY4AS CHIPS.
scRApED UP HERE AND THERE
A New Years call-Please remit.
.H.ppy New Year. Judge" "Chest-
nut Major"
A fair exchange-The compliments
On Christmas eve the right stocking
was never left.
Sad IL the heart that cannot rejoice
ct Christmas time.
No stocking IL % small that Santa
Claus will overlook 1t.
A Christmas goose-The man who
thinks Santa Claus fraud.
On Christmas Day, though the
turkeys tender, the eaters stuff.
The same good resolutions made
last January will do for this year.
New Years calls will never 60 out
Of fashion while there are bill-c0llectors
to make them.
Just notice how nice your best girl
will be from now on till after the holt
day season.
It is not always the largest stocking
which chatches the most valuable
Christmas gift.
It's wise husband who prepares to
pay for the Christmas gifts received
from his dear wife.
In giving Christmas presents be
sure and keep your presence of mind.
Don't be extravagant.
Fashion note.-This IL the season of
the year when everybody IL looking
for something new in stockings.
| Begin the new year by buying a new
umbrella and q diary; then just make
note Of the one you keep the longest.
A nice easy exercise for Christmas
Day is that of counting the change you
have left. 1t can be done generally
with one hand.
"Time il money" This ought 10 be
cheering news to the man of leisure
s~.h1 Nh p3otVn00 nRoa0nfo tn hnv
and no ready cash.
| The person who shall do the most to
cheer the hearts Of the needy poor will
have the merriest Christmas and the
happiast New Year. Try it and see.
"What will we have for dinner on
Christina, dear" said Jem pinchem's
wife on Christmas eve.
"a pair of chickens, il I have luck
and old Herman don't lock bis coop
tonight"
II do like pig" said Mr.. O'Greedy,
as he helped himself for the fourth
time to q liberal plate-full Of the vi
ands at the Christmas dinner.
"You should be dead stuck on your
self at that rate" said his landlady,
with emile, but in rather q cutting
tone.
Christmas reverie-"What are you
going to buy Jour wife for Christmas
present 2" asked Colonel Jones of
Judge Johnson. ''I'm thinking of
getting her piano." "Can she play?"
HNo, Of course not. Do you think I'd
be such fool a. to buy her piano if
she conld play"
"Where did you get that turkey
you have in your hand, Sim =? said Mrs
|Shrinkim. as he entered the house at
midnight with sixteen-pound gobbler
whose skin was hanging from his body
lin shreds. "Won him at Chrish-
|mush rattle, M dear. Nishe t-tur-
hic!-ky. Cosht me four-hic-teen-
ldallash.H
"Well, what is the matter with it?
What makes it look so queer?"
"Thash nuthin'. I kn-knoc-hic |!
led q few pp-pi-hic!-ets off er
tensile wiz him coming home. Thash
ALL
"Oh, you good for nothing wretch J"
Exclaimed Big Williams wife, as she
reached her hand out of bed and felt in
the cradle to see If the baby was COW
cred up.
"Whash Ter matter?" murmured
Big, as he turned in his sleep.
"Matter enough Ough you! Wake
up and go down.stairs and bring baby
up here this minutew
"Did bring him up. He'sh In the
cradle"
mo such q thing. You've drank too
much hard cider. You wrapped the
Christmas turkey in baby's blankets
and rocked it to sleep in the cradle,
you wretch! And baby Is down stairs
catching cold"
Rignold--Sister, I think I'll ask pa
tonight If he will buy me that five
hundred dollar thermometer we saw at
Benedict's for q Christmas present.
I've been playing goody-goody for over
q month now.
Sister Arabella-I wouldn't to-
night, II I were you, dear. Papa's had
q toothache all day, and you know he's