Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1887-03-11
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE


He laughs best VINO first sizes up his
man.
Economy is great thing An Ohio
man sent birthday present to his brother
G. .. ID.
1t is curious fact that man always
waits until he is run down before he winds
up his career.
"Why do you call Mr. Smith Judge -
asked visitor in rural community
He never sat on the bench, did he ?"
NO" was the reply, but he is the best
Judge of cider brandy and horses in the
county"
If Pobiedonostcheiff succeeds De Giers
as Russian ministers of foreign affairs we
are afraid we shall have to chronicle a
strike among the proof-readers.
Floggiug il schools has been dispensed
with in Ohio. 1t was found that college
graduates are not able to handle the boys
as they used to.
Mrs. Bascom; IL see that they are hav-
ing an orchid show in New York"
Mr.. Bascom: pretty poor time of the
year for apples, should think"
1t is alleged that poker playing prevails
to considerable extent among the stu
dents of Yale college, and that some of
them frequently sit up all night to gam
bic. But what is the use of reviving an old
chestnut like this
We hope TO get time during the summer
to read the back files of the Congressional
Record, now that that enterprising publ
cation has been obliged to suspend
An unfortunate admission Garrulous
drummer at Van Ness House, to waiter
girl who is serving him at breakfast
"You don't look so smiling as usual.
What's the matter-washing day ?"
Waiter-girl Indignantly mo, sir! l
ncrcr wash"
Deadwood comes up smiling with only
nine feet of snow on level. She had IA
last year and most of the farmers in that
section had to do their blowing on snow
shoes.
Macarthur, the rival of Col. Glider,
has reached the confines of perpetual ice
with his drug clerk and the 400 pounds of
provisions. The drug clerk wants to come
back for some loaf sugar
The Philadelphia Times announces that
Mrs. Cleveland has expressed a strong de-
sire that the president should have sec
Ond term. 1t will be remembered that
frankie hasn't had her full share of the
present term.
1t has finally been decided that Chicago
is the Indian name for onion, and the
shoe-deaers are breathing easier,
1t is said that one American lady at
Mentone who was buried beneath the
beams of her ruined house could only be
rescued by the sacrifice of her beautiful
hair. 1t is not stated whether the switch
let 20 first or the lady.
Love may be blind, but marriage is q
very successful eye doctor-St. y'dlU Her
dld
\ man in Georgia has found $1,000 under
| a crossbeam near a well. 1t was doubt
less dropped from the pocket of IA careles,
plumber.-N. Y. WOrld,
EX-guerilla Mosby, while asleep in
hotel in kentucky, recently, was robbed
of his clothes and the manuscript of his
lecture. Whoever will steal a man,
clothes is mean fellow, but the theft o
lecture, like charity covers IA multitude
of sins.-LOWGl citizen.
Wife Jto husband Mother wants t,
come and make Us IA visit, John but
have written her that, just at present
while baby is teething, it wouldn't be con
Venient. If give you the letter, will you
think to mail it?
Husband with an air of perfect conf
dence)-Well should say would.-Puck
Three different walters at Southern
hotel asked little, prim, precise Harvard
professor at dinner, i'll quick succession
il he would have soup. y little annoyed
he said to the last waiter who asked;
as it compulsory ?'
"No, sab" answered our friend an
brother "no, sab | think it am moe
turtle. "-HOtcL Reporter.
Pm to old bird to be caught tina
way" he said, as he came down Clinic
street the other day.
what was it ?"
They wanted me to 90 on the jury"
"And why didn't you ?'
well, looked the other five over, sa'
that we could all be arrested on sight fC
suspicious characters and | refused
serve. The object probably WAS to get L
I altogether and make a haul. "-DttrO
. Free Press.
a poultry authority says "hens will Ia
g a certain number of eggs in a year" OF
e experience is that they will lay an unce
a tain number.-LOUell Courier.
Emperor William has never been vii
, ing to follow the instructions of bis do
Q tCIs' Ile IL tnuS dDle 10 nunt ana reNle
= his troops AT most remarkable age
NClC York JVOrLd.
In a recent canvass of the Alaban
legislature for presidential preferences
l. lSSS, one man voted for jefferson Davi
: There will be no investigation. - BOStC
; Transcript.
Il The Verdict Unanimous
= w. ID. Suit, Druggist, Bppus, Ind. testiie
, 81 can recommend Electric Bitters as t
~ very best remedy, Every bottle sold h