The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-10-22
RUSTIC SENSATIONS.
New York Mercury.

our village nest we were ccFeulOnl- ously waited upon by certain MT. Promiscuous, who, after begging a quarter for the church fund and an- other for the Sunday school picnic, cooily set to work plying me with questions as to my private concerns, past, present and future, which for sheer impndence and thoroughness of minute detail would have discounted professional interviewer in divorce reference, or have put to blush an old time secret agent of the Spanish In- 9ais;.!ca. However, W ishing to ap- pear we'll with my new neighbors, l good naturedly turned myself inside out, without reservation, in response to his cross questioning, and he took his departure highly pleased, remark ing genially to my wife and my yself us he went: You'll like it here with us, l know you will. We are an amusement loving community - in fact, quite sensational in our way"
 But had not vet done with Mir. ! Promi>cuous. lie came back in a few hours with T half eager, half in- jured air. Excuse me-" said he, but there was one question forgot to ask you: What is your bnsiness?" I i slapped my thigh. "Ila, Ina, ha" l laughed Ut just occurred to me that you had forgotten that question, and was about to send my boy around with the answer ill writing as you dropped in. Sit down and have some cider" The dear good nan took him- self off better pleased than before, again observing "Oh, you'll get on nicely with us folks. Plenty of social lexcitements. for all that We are so mattcr-o of fact and humdrum on the outside"
 The first of the promised sensations was q church "SociAble' at near neighbor's house, 10 which my wife and l, though no church. -goers, were cordially invited After paying twenty i've cents q head for bit of sponge cake and q glass of thin lemo- made. listening to w hitc Wings" indillerently squeaked by brunette young lady ill a piuk gown with green and yellow trimmings, to the accompaniment of cracked cornct and a wheezy aecordeon, the clergy man who was present offered up a prayer, and the excitement of the occasion was fairly nauguratcd by both sexes sitting around the room with their backs to the four walls. sedulously staring at each other, twiddling their thumbs, swapping calumnies in whispers or afIrightcdly brow beating every attempt to start up a general conversation on the part of my unsophisticated better half and myself
 Such was the sociablc, and yet our friend Mir. Promiscuous was quite hilarious at the end of it. "Didn't 1 tell you it would be high old time?" ..e whispered as we were doeorousiy taking our departure. "But this ain't nothin' to the sort of publications we get up sometimes, as you will sec. By the way, we're going to donate the dominic new suit of clothes and baby carriage-strictIy on the sly, mind you-and l may drop in for anything you can afford to contribute ! in the morning. We fcebly mur- mured something about not belong ing to the fold and made our escape, though the prepostcrous protest did not enable Us to wraggle out of the extortion when the time came.
 The next sensation was followed by strawberry festival, at fifty cents a head, where the uproariousness was even more of an equiyocal sort than at the sociablc. This was followed by lawn party, where hymns were sung, doughnuts gorged, home made root beer and more lemonade slipped, and where my wife nearly lost caste forever by timidly suggesting dance among the young people as an inno- cent etieryescencc amid the general dolefulness of the event. Her pro- posal was regarded with mortified stare that settled her for the evening. An attempt on the writer's part to converse pleasantly with good look ing married young lady was as incon- tinently nipped in the bud. Excuse me, but we don't come here to talk" was one of the final squelchcrs she put upon my presidency. "It ain't the style in Shoetown." Excuse me, then" said l, "but would you mind telling me what is the style, and what you do come here for?'
 She opened her eyes 10 their fullest extent and then smiled pityingly. "Why, to enjoy ourselves, as a matter of course!" she replied, after which she began to discuss pastry and potato bugs with a more congenial neighbor. After paying our shot for the pseudo refreshments of the eyen- ing, as usual, managed to receive nudge from my wife's elbow on the quiet. "For heavens sake make them say or do something, or I shall go mad f- she " Whisuered aI can't 2 was