Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-06-12
QUICK As LIGHTNING.
THEOLU GENTLEMAN WAS 4 KICKER AMI
He KICKED.
His DJleial Experience With a Telegram That
Took lis Tlme-Failure 70 Excite sympathy
Even in the Big hSkersd Man.


P,R's sun.
There was an oldish gentleman who
goes 10 his business in a street car every
morning at precisely : o'clock. He Is
known rs the kicker" by those who
| hahitually meet him on the car, because
every morning he has something to kick
about, and once he gets to talking he keep
it UP until he arrives at the corner where
he gets of the eur. lie has been known ia
ride a few blocks farther than his corner,
because he got to talking on some subject
and had Il good listener, and couldn't
find Il place in the story to
break OF. The crowd is in
the ear with the old kicker every morning
composed of a couple at commission men,
Il coal man, Il merchant, young women
clerks, etc, and they like to engage him ~
conversation and drop of one or two al 4
time at different corners, and before he
gets to his corner. and while III the midst
| of his story the last one leaves him ana he
talks TO himself. The other morning he
got on Il car and they could all see he
was mad. He jammed himself down
in a corner of the ear, put one hand
on the top OF the other on the head OF his
cane, and looked through a girl opposite
him, ut the sky in the distance, plainly
mad enough to bite nails. \ Young man
who works in a train dispatchcr'S office
remarked to an insurance office clerk that
L.. ,,.....1 l,. A., ,.r,,,., a., 4lnt 4 ma,
telegraph line was being built to MlIwau'
kce. from the East. Before the insurance
young man could answer, the old kicker
said.
ITS high time there was Il new tcle-
graph line. The old telegraph company Is
Il monopoly and a nuisance. Jay Gould
ought to be sent TO the penitentlary. Tel
egrams are delayed unnecessarily, and a
man can walk faster than a telegram goes. ~
ooh, | don't know said the train dis
patchcr's young man, "a telegram gets
there pretty quick. We got a cable mes
sage yesterday i'll fifteen minutes from Lon
don"
"Yes," said the old kicker, rs he Jam
med his cane down on the Stats OF the
door, "and ! got one last night from WadS-
worth, IL miles away, in exactly seven
hours
'How did it happen" asked the insur
ance voung man. Lines down.
81 don't know how 1t happened that !
got it so quick, " said the old man, - he
took out a piece of slippery elm from his
pocket and bit of n piece To chew. "I'ut
my son was coming up from Chicago last
night, and he telegraphcd me from WadS-
worth to send the carriage to the Il O'Clock
train. Soon after & he came up to tn"
house in a hack, with his whole family,
six or seven children, and wanted To
know why | did not send the
carriage. and OF course | told him ! didn't
know he was coming. He said he wired
me, and / told him that he must have
wired me on a barbed wire fence 10y mis-
take
"Well, didn't you get the message at
all?" asked a girl who clerks IN a store
where the old man buys his socks.
"Oh, certainly, ! got the message, " said
he. as he put on his glasses to look at the
girl. "My wife and ! retired at the usual
hour. sleep on the right side of the bed,
near the burglar alarm, and my wife sleeps
on the left side of the bed, near the tele-
phone. about So" pointing with his cane
TO a couple of Stats on the floor, about IN the
relative position that he and his wIte were
sleeninr which caused the girl to blush
and look out of the front window NJ one y,
tLc mnIes Eve were both sleeping, ana
| was dreaming about tire. You see ! ia"
bcen afraid of fires all day, the wind be"
~ hard and had bee. to the fire at the
brewery that day. 50 it was no wonder
of fire. My wife had eaten some
dapdelion greens for supper. and they set
heavy on her stomach, ~ ! told her they
wouId when she was eating them, andshe
said afterwards she was dreaming Jumbo
was walking up and down on her, though
Jumbo is dead and Barnum has settled
with the railroad company for elV,"u"'
which seems to me to he a small sum Tor
an elenbant that cost so much as Jumbo
did, though Barnum might have lied about
the price he paid for the elephant.
At this point the car stopped ana sew
eral Young girls and the insurance young
man got OIL. and the old mar turned to the
train despatcher's young man and con
"Well. all of a sudden a bell rang out
clear. and we both woke up, scared. My
wife thought it was the burglar alarm, and
she tried to climb over me to get to the IN
licator to see what part of the house the