Wichita eagle., 1887-04-08
9ai19 eagle
4 DYING IiUM0RIST.
OF ARTEMUS WARD
BEFORE A LONDON AUDIENCE.

THE PitifuI Eavases of q Deadly Disease.
CIergymen in tho Audicnce-The Noon
Out of Fix-The ice Broken at Last.
His Death in Foreign Land.
shall never forget the last time l saw Ar
temus Ward We were in London, my hus-
band and myself, and learning from friend
that our Yankee humorist was to lecture one
night in Egyptian hall we determined to be
among his hearers. | had heard him several
times in America, and was anxious to see how
an English audience would respond to his
New World droliery, his unequaled hurnor.
1t was with the hope that we might meet
him and have a little chat together that we
went quite early, but though we were among
the first who gathered there that night he
was nowhere to be seen till the lecture COM
mcnced
Tho people came in in a struggling fashion
and occuDicd tho front seats and those in the
body Of the house. The hall was little more
than half full. | remember the lights seemed
din the distances dark and solemn and the
architecture dismal in the extreme. The hall
was like n huge tomb built for the eptiOn
of dead and gone Pharaohs On n settce not
far from our party five gentlemen sat to-
Eethcr / fancicd they were clergylnen, and
had come with the avowed intention of sit
ting out the exercises in grave and digniIied
silence.
THE RAyAGIcS OF DISEASE.
When Artemus made his appearance it was
pitifdl to see the ray&gcS disease had made IL
one short year. lis face was thin and pallid,
his hollow eyes giStoncd with a light mex
pressibly painful, and held that strange OK
preston pocnliar to consumptivcs as one
hooking outside The world Even rs he spoke
he caught his breath. evidently in pain, and
pressed his hand to his side.
BY husband turned to me with the brief
sentence, "The man Is dyi2gi' and so he was
With one expressive glance about the place,
scanning ceiling, lights, shadows and semi
darkness, the man took a stop forward, and
commcnced in his usual halting speech and
assumed timdity of manner:
"When the Egyptians-built this kal--tho
principles Of acoustics were not fully under
stood-nethcr, it is presumablo, had the mat
ter Of ventilation been very eXtensively-ven-
tilated"
There was q smile on the face; Of many, but
nothing moro-and yet the humor OF tho
thing was exquisite, | could not keep my eyes
from The five cIergymen, who sat shoulder TO
shoulder, Ike SO many sleek soft coated seals.
Not q tre!nor betrayed that they were con-
scious Of nlusclcs-their faces were stern, their
lips compressed, their brows unbending Their
stoiidity possessed fascination for me that
even Artemus Wards inimitable parsonage
could not shake of. Again and again his odd
fancleS provoked from our party both laugh
ter and tears, but still that clerical conclave
sat it out. and did not even smile Could it
possibly be that they were oblivious Of the
subtle wit CT Lis buriesque, the rare changes
in his face?
Presently the moon appeared in his comical
little panorama, Wavered. trcmoled like a
boat struck by sudden squall md then hung
as if suspended, limp and motionless On some
lunar hooi midway between sea and sky.
Artemus looked quizzically over to those
five clergymen. think he had seen them all
the time out of the corners of his eyes.
LOOKING AFTER HIS MOON
"f you will excuse me, gentlemen" he
said, inipressively, Il will so out and see to
my moon. | think the moonist, a small boy, |
a fat boy by the way, an English lad, who is |
to nightly manage my celestial apparatus, |
has got cranky or goro to slcop-ioSsibIy it |
may be because tl,- audience is SO small to-
night, though ar1,re ciativo"-hcr long pause
-"tha, irr is afraid I shall cut hiln short two
and si.pance;" and with that he went behind
the scenes, perhaps, poor fellow, TO gain ;.mo-
1ient's respite from pain, and 10 catch Ii.
breath, for be was painting with the excrton
Of talking, even then.
There was evidently an effort On ia. ,s...t
Of the five to keep from smiling during ~
speech, end while Artemus Was gone W
moon riGhted itself with a tremendous C.Goit,
and GiGred in such unique fashion that FIRST
Dne and finally all my five stocks and stones,
rs | had mentally Gonominated them, -
apsed into audible laughter, and their white
cho1ors began to wrinkle,
Artemus came back; lie glanced az the side
seats, and saw thGt the ice was broken II
was what he had been waiting and working
for, and it seemed that the triumph gave
him now life From that moment these
Eve men were slaves OF his humor They
laughed till they cried, and most certainly
the brilliant Snowman outdid himself. Every
every glance provoked peals of
laughter. 1t was as if, having put restrasnt
upon themselves so long, they were eager to
make up Tor it. | was satisfied The gifted
son of America was at last appreciated, ard
though the applause came late, it did come,
and Artemus Ward went home happy
Some few days after that friend called 10
see the humorist He was sick and almost
speechless, yet managed to repeat some wit
ticiSm about his sands OF life terminating on
q sand bar, and spoke iegrctfuily r never
to see his native land
He never did-the next day L Id -
As.'S A I,anison in New Yor'-
Eiushcd for His Sex.
1 would not have believed it bad rot seen
it with my own eyes in the Merchants barber
show tba oA,,o, DO dol, with