Morning journal and courier., 1887-03-14
SPOTS.
Every thief would like to keep himself un- spottad -Taxas Siftinps

Every thief would like to keep himself un- spotted.-Texas Siftings. Why does freight car need no locomotives Because the freight makes the cargo. After Church-Oh, ma, have heard such splendid minister. He stamped and pound ed and got mad and shook his fist at the folks and there wasn't anybody dared go up | and fight him. . An Illinois paper has the following: "The funeral services of the late William P. Lewis were somewhat hurried to enable his est1m- able and grief stricken widow to catch the 2 o'clock train for Chicago, where she goes to visit friends. Puck. A policeman fired at fleeing burglar the other day. and the latter's life was saved by the bullet hitting button on the rear of his coat and glancing off. Now we know why those two buttons are put on a coat behind. -Norristown Herald.
 A young Burlington miss was asked day or two since whether the whale was a fish or animal, and said, as all Burlington misses would do, that it was an animal. When asked why, she said that it "was a hog when it swallowed Jonah whole" Buerag Gin class)-s'Yes dear children, ev erything in this world has it's There is nothing, however small or trifling, that was not intended for some good purpose" Small scholar (thirsting for information)-"What good does pigs tail do pigs" The Springfield Union asks why it is that there are not more famous men up and down the Connecticut valley. We don't exactly know, but we rather fancy that 1t IS owing to combination of everything Providence and the Springfield Republican.-Lowell Courier.
 A Serious Case.-s'Doctor," said Phil ade1phia patient, ''Pm troubled with in- somnia, and want you to do something for me.' 'tDo you lie awake most of the nights" asked the physician. ''No, Pm all right at | night, but I can't get any sleep during the | day."-Life.
 At public wedding ceremony the pro l cession moved with such deliberation toward l the chance1 that the best man remarked in 8 very audible tone to his companion: eff this
 thing goes on at the present rate we will get l there just about in time for the christening" 7" l French Joke.
 MT. Arlington-"Oh, Mrs. Clarendon, I
 am so sorry could not be present at your 1 latest; hear you had an awfully jolly time '' MT. Arlington. Jollys We had mostly Harvard professors and other distinguished | people. ."-Boston Beacon.
 "What's the matter with your nose, BillyF' 1 "Wel1, Jim Stokes told me that if a dog ran
 at me and I would just turn my back to him
 and look at him from between my legs he
 would run away and so l tried it with Mr | Jones' big Bowser" fWell, what thens''
 s'What then! Why, durn yer skin, are yer
 blind?"
 Thompson Street Echoings. Sims
 Look heah, yo' brack trash! Wwhat d' yc' fer ter tell 'Rastus Cuff dat he'd a mon
 s'tous big mouf fera MT. Rasher-Did'n say
 no sech fing, Bre'r Sims. Dey wuz talkin'
 down ter de lardge bout putin in new
 cist'n, en I jes said dey'd bettah see you
 bout it. Da s all.-Puck.
 Inquisitive youth-"Say, pa," asked the
 pride of the household, after a moments re-
 fiection, during which he had inadvertently
 declined second help to:buckwheat cakes,
 Eff man does what he ought to do, he does
 his duty, don't hea" "Yes, he does, my
 son. ''Well, suppose he don't do what he
 ought to do, does he do his donty?" Up to
 the hour of going to press the parental an
 swer had not been given.-Harper's Bazar. There cannot be the slightest doubt | That he who suffers with the goubt So much that he can't go aboubt, Can't be resigned and OCT devoubt As he forSooth, will cuss and Shoubt, l And roar and yell and groan and poubt | Enough to put his friends to rouot: l All their suggestions will he houbt, | Them all will rdicu e and scoubt
 In language which at least is stoubt
 And coarse that of any loubt
 l No seed of good in him can sproubt- | As well advise Speckled troubt
 | Or porker with the longest snoubt- 1 And friends had best step down and ouot ] Judge.