Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-06-16
A FOOL IN THE FAMILY.
Bill-Dick's Little Scheme, and How
It Worked.
CHAPTER I.

CHAPTERL
you're fine lookin' speciment to
be akin fur wife, amt you? Wy,
dog my ugly cats eff it don't seem that
the less account a young Teller is these
DAYS the more he's on the lookout for
a wife"
Old Nat. Banks lived on Big
Terrapin creek. Had he been as much
noted for industry as he was noted on
account of a disposition to dodge active
work, he would have taken position
in the front rank of Terrapin creek
agriculture, but, as it was, he occupied
the unenvied position of crop thermom-
cter-that is, when he had a fair crop
it was generally believed that all of the
other crops in the neighborhood were
of unusual excellence. Old Nat was a
widowcr. 1t was once cruelty limited at
Webster's WATERFALL that Mrs. Banks
had been starved to death, but the in
humanity of this reproach will be rec
ognized when l solemnly affirm that
the old lady, on the day before she was
stricken with her fatal illness, was seen
fondly lowering over a large stew-pan
full of cold potatoes and wild mus
tard. Old Banks daughter, girl of
seventeen, would have been the belle
of the community, had her fathers
farm been in better condition. In OPP
position to the advice of people more
intelligent than himself, he had bur-
dened the girl with the name of
Anthracite. He had heard the word,
in vague sort of way, and was much
struck with it, declaring that a girl
with such name could not help
marrying lawyer, or circuit rider
with a good nag and new saddle.
Bill-Dick Belsher, sort of ''harum-
scarum" young fellow of the ncighbor-
hood, had fallen in love with Anthra-
cite, and had asked her to marry him,
which, as there was nothing better in
sight, she had consented to do. Bill
Dick, dressed in suit of corduroy
which, indeed, was the wardroEal
wonder of nearly every young man in
the communicated called at the
house and asked for the girl, when the
old man denounced him as above set
forth.
''Oh,' the old man continued, IL
know all about your clothes, but you
don't know nothin' about law, an be-
sides that. whar's your nag an new
saddle? Anthracite KANT afford to
throw herself away on common man,
specially one that amt no more ac-
count than you air, Bill-Dick Belsher."
''You air fine man. Bill-Dick re-
piled. ''to be talkin' bout pusson be-
in no account. Wy. cadfound your
ugly pictur', Nat Banks. you are too
lazy to bresh a hoss-fy often your nose
in August, an You amt more'n got
sense enough to grunt when pain
strikes you. Mout live two hundred
years, Nat Banks. an you couldn't
have suit of clothes like these here"
You wouldn't have 'em eff You
hadn't found 'em summers" the old
man replied; 'but that amt nuther
here nur thar; you amt goin' to marry
Anthry. an that clinches it.
''Spoze we run away?"
''S'poze foller you?''
"S'poze you KANT ketch us?''
''S'poze lead KEMP"
The reference to lead had its effect.
''Come, old man," said Bill-Dick.
"'don't come talkin' about shootin' a
feller."
''Ain't said a word about shootin'."
"No. but cadfound your ugly pictur',
that's whut You meant You must rec
olleck you amt got nore'n enough
sense than to shoot these clothes full of
holes"
''Wall. then. go on away. an find a
man that won't shoot, an marry his
gal. That's about the safest way for
you to do"
'.Never mind. old man; I'll git even
with YOU"
Yes, the turkey gobbler got even
with the mus rat"
An" said Bill-Dick. 4" mebbe the
coon Olun I get even with the craw-
fish"
'.He mout done it," replied the
old man. ''but he got his skin power
full wet
That's all right, but he eat the
crawfish. Wen, l must go. but I'll see
you agin.''
Several weeks later. during an over
flow. Bill-Dick hurriedly sought the
old man and eNcitedly exclaimed:
Say, Mr.. Banks, l don't kere how
much I've got agin a man. KANT
bar to sec his dumb brutes suffer.
Three of the best hogs you've got air
out on an islam in the creek, an eff YOU
don't 60 airter 'em the water'n sweep
'em of in another ha'f hour
My stairs, you don't say so, Bill |
Iickr'
didn't you hear me say so1 z: ,oy
didnt III say it aS..." /