Morning journal and courier., 1887-08-01
EXPLAINED.

The walters ready explanation-'How can you give such dirty napkin as thiss" 'tBeg pardon, sir; got folded the wrong way, sir. There, sir, how's that, nows"-New Age. overtaken by Misfortune.-visitor (to tramp, who is enjoying comfortable meal at Rlackwelps Island): ''You have been un- fortunate, my friend" Tramp (bitterly): sI should say so! The judge only gave me thirty days when I fully expected six months. Life.
 Mrs. Jones-''I have been making change in the household and you cannot imagine how relieved I feel. It really seems as if had nothing to do.' MT. Brown Have you engaged more servantsa" Mrs. Brown ''No; I have discharged them all. "-Bing hamton Republican.
 s'Theodore, don't believe you love me any more, /" said K street girl plaintively, as her best young man, Postofhce department clerk, pulled her past an ice cream saloon. ''Oh, don't say that, dearest" said he, re- proachfully. "Why, named fourteen post offices after you last week. Washington Critic.
 Miss Hood-"Three in the gold, captain, I've outshot you this time." Captain Angus ~ Yes, but what's become of my other ar TOW" Voice of tramp in bushes-"When you folks git through countin' up I wish you'd jest come in an unpin my ear from this hickory tree; t aint gold, but it's got feelin' in it. "-Tid-Bits.
 Light of his life-"George, dear, would you do anything I'd ask you tos" George "You know would, darling. What is it,
 guide of my life-''I want you to become a criminal" George-"What crime, dearest, could I commit to make you happy?" Light of his life-"Emb bracery." The crime is &C., compIished.-Tid- Bits.
 At the -Winks-fI can't see with these glasses" Optician.-''Ahl No. 2's! You are very near sighted, sir. Try No.
 1's." s'Yes, No. suits me exactly. I can
 when fail to see through No. 1?' Optician. |-"You'll have to get a poodle aud string, sir."-Jewelers' Weekly.
 "The proof of the pudding" said Sioux
 Falls man who was arguing on some scien-
 tiic point, "you know, is in the eating"
 "Well, I dunno" replied his friend, whose
 wife learned the mysteries of the kitchen at
 cooking school, q dunno bout that al-
 ways. think it's waiting and seeing whether
 it makes you sick or not. ."-Dakota Bell.
 Excited fishermen to summer hotel man
 ''There isn't bit of fishing around herel
 Every brook has sign warning people off.
 What do you mean by turing anglers here
 with the promise of fine fshingp Hotel man-"I didn't say anything about fine fish you will see that what I said was Fishing unapproachablel' "-Burlington Free Press.
 Barber (expatiating on matters and things in general)-"Col. Jaggers is a gentleman and
 if he is not in the legislature next year it I'll
 be because he doesn't want to go." Victim
 Qanguidly)-"I have heard MT. McReilly
 mentioned" Barber (contemptuously)-
 Pooh! McReilly Beg pardon, sir, but
 he's absolutely no good" Victim (with inter est)-"Hasn't been doing anything wrong,
 has hes" Barber (with cutting scorn)-"He slaves himself, sir."-Philadelphia Call.
 My sister recently crossed the Atlantic
 with her three children. aged respectively
 three, five and half and eight, and the eld
 est two were soon, like their parent, afflicted with seasickness and sought the seclusion that the stateroom grants. Master Willie, aged eight, lay tossing and restless and groaned out: "Oh, why do I suffer so? why do suffer sop Whereupon Nellie, the five and a half year old, who had evidently re-
 membered the words if not the meaning of what she had learned in Sunday school, lean ed over the edge of the bunk and said com
 miseratingly: ''Willie, don't you know what the good book says? Suffer little children,' and we are the little children" I hope the explanation made Willie feel better.-My little four year old, who is very fond of run ming 'sbarefooty," and who bears heroically the pain of splinters rather than bear the penalty of boots and shoes, announced the other day that "the reason angels wear wings is so not to get splinters in their feet. ."- High Chair Theology, in Babyhood.