Charlotte messenger. [volume] (Charlotte, Mecklenburg Co., N.C.) 1882-18??, 1887-05-14
WIT AND HUMOR.

The most attractive thing about .
toboggan is a pretty girl.-Pi Pittsburg
Dispatch.
Even misfortune has its blessings
to the other fellow who profits by your
in-luck. Somervllle Mass. Journal.
II wouldn't be a fool, If 1 were
you." said Jones to friend. "f you
were me you wouldn't be q fool" was
the reply.-Judge
In the matter Of the New England
Goldfish, we do not want to fight; but,
by jingo, If we do, we've got the-by
the way, what have we got?-St. Louis
Republican.
There's the landslide, the snow
slide, and the toboggan-slide; but the
slide that has the money in it is the
slide of the bad cashier into Canada
Philadelphia Item.
A German inventor has devised q
machine for deadening the sound Of the
piano. Next to a machine for deaden-
ing pianists this is a splendid discovery.
San francisco Examiner.
A petrifed Indian has been exhumed
in Arizona. The savage is supposed
to have been petrifed with astonish-
ment on discovering an honest Indian
agent.-San francisco NeUs-Letter.
The largest diamond known is that
of the Rajah Of Mattan, in Borneo. It
is not stated whether Mr.. Rajah is .
summer-resort hotel clerk or an end
man in a minstrel troupe.-Norris-
toson Herald.
II you have ever noticed the men
who occupy the front seats at the thea
ters you must have remarked how much
more polite they are than the ladies.
They do not even wear any hair.-Bur-
kngton Free Press.
"Ma," anxiously inquired q small
boy, sis . tapestry like . turkeyp"
"Why, bless you, no! What put that
into your headP" "Well, it says some
thing here about a Gobelin tapestry,
anyway. ."-NesU Haven Nes0s.
Gotham matron "Why, Lydia,
didn't you go to the cooking school, az
you intendedp" Eyes, ma, but there
was no session; the lecturess is sick"
II am very sorry. What is the mat
terp" Dyspepsia. "-Tyd-Bits.
"A man can get nothing without
labor" said woman to tramp who
declined to saw some wood in exchange
for q dinner. II know better than
that" he replied as he turned away;
''he can get hungry."-BOstOu Courier.
"The lips that taste liquor shall
never kiss mine" Girls are now con-
fronted' by another society whose mot
to is: "The lips that kiss poodles shall
never kiss mine," and they say that
poodle dogs are not as popular as they
were once.-Danville Breeze.
Reporter-I have just brought
lovely theatrical scandal, full Of the
most revolving details. Editor-GoodI
Run it loaded, head it TOO Sickening
for Publication" and give instructions
to the printers to run off 10000 extra
copies. Topical Times.
As an instance of the remarkable
cheapness of Chinese labor we note
that. in Chinese courts of justice wit
nesses can be hired at 10 cents apiece
10 testify on either side of the question
at issue, or ON both sides at 10 cents.
Burlington Free Press.
"Orlando, l didn't see you with
Miss Brown at the concert last night"
''No, Percy, I'm not calling on her any
more. / can't until she retracts what
she said the other week" "Ah-what
did she sayp" "Well, she said I
needn't call any more. ."-Hdrper's
BGzar.
At the 50-cent table d'h6te-Guest
(who has been elegantly served with
almost nothing)-Now, waiter, that I
have struggled through eleven courses
Of nut glass, silver, aud air begin to
feel hungry. Bring me some corned
beef and cabbage and glass Of plain
everyday water.--7Id-Bils.
1t was raining heavily when Parson
Surplus Eel, in crossing the street, met
q poorly-clad boy whose clothes werC
soaked. my dear little boy, why
don't you get an umbrellaP" said the
kind-hcarted clergyman. "Since pa
has quit going to church, he never
brings home any more umbrellas. ~
Texas Sytings.
"Hand-painted coal scuttles have
made their appearance in New York. "
Very esthetic, no doubt; but when q
man goes into a dark cellar with q
hand-painted coal scuttle and collides
with post, or bumps his head against
joist, his language is apt to be as
lnrid and vigorous as If the scuttlc
were simply daubed with coal tar by
machinery. --NorristosOn Herald.
A Yale College paper says that the
secular magazines and papers arc re-
moved from the Dwight Hall reading
room Saturday. It is supposed the
religious weeklies arc substituted in
order to give the students an oppor-
tunity on the Sabbath to read the
patent-medicine advertisements and
the long list Of valuable premium"
Offered TO subscribers. NorristoUn
Herald.
DIR. b. Manlev tells Of a good sister