The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1887-01-01

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Everybody was laughing, but l did not
see anything to laugh at; yet | thought |
must put on a good face by smiling, but
can tell you now it was a faint smile
After about half dozen had fallen over
me | came to the conclusion that they were
tired of having a stumbling block, and |
knew l was tired of being used as one, SO
1 got up. My past experience taught me
to be little more cautious To prevent
sitting down l thought it would be best to
lean little forward.
l had proceeded about one-third the
length of the hall, when my feet took a
foolish notion to go backward, but, the rest
of my body not being ready to go back
there was division in the convention, and
this time [ fell face downward, striking the
whole front part of my body against the
floor, from my toes to my forehead. As
lay there two or three giddy individuals
Just skated right on over me, which pro
tcegdl1g 4 with my tastes
got on my feet again and became des.
perate. made up my mind then and there
L hOuiu IlCotI tIldO llttll IL L
had to be taken home corpse. I started
out, and got along all right until l was just
turning the first quarter, when l suddenly
became enthused with the idea of kicking
a hole in the ceiling, but not having given
the matter enough forethought, failed, and
sat down on the back of my neck.
L started out again. My next fall was
complicated | cannot describe it, only
remember clawing the air wildly with my
hands in search of something to get hold
Of, and found something in my hand after
the fall that looked very much like female
wearing apparel. did not inquire who it
belonged to. [ did not care l finally
reached the third quarter, and was coming
in on the home stretch, not, however, with
out mishap, for the floor had gotten into
the habit of hitting me in the rear. The
hardest lick it hit me was just as | was
passing under the wire, when I met it half
way, assuming a sitting posture. took
the skates off then and there, gotup, pulled
my vertebre down out of my hat and
bolted for the door. forgot to mention
that before l got around most of the ska
ters had left the floor. They didn't seem
to appreciate my presence. didn't care,
though, as l had paid my money and had
perfect right to all the privileges. 1
went home. do not know why l went
home, for thought 1 had just as well walk
out to the cemetery and save funeral ex-
penses. 1 felt like some one had been
scraping me up against barb-wire fence
all evening | was skinned from head to
foot.
Healthy exercise! If skinning a man
alive is healthy, then I was healthy man.
My wife met me at the door. She cast a
knowing look at me, as much as to say
drunk! She managed to ask where l had
been. told her in search of health 1
explained matters to her the best I could,
and told her to send for the doctor. By
the time he got there l was disrobed and
washing my bruises. | told him to examine
me and see if he thought he could patch
me up egain so that l would be of any use
to the world. l would have made splen-
did specimen for dime museum could
have entered as a tattooed man. The doe
tor said he guessed there was nothing very
serious, and he guessed he could patch me
up. He sent to the drug store for two
yards of court plaster, and when he got
through with me 1 was so stuck up with
plaster could hardly bend. Oh yes,
roller skating is healthy-in your mind.