Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1887-07-07
MRS. DORETTA VAN DYKE.

braNO Mr. lOrl, cACldllleu NILS.
Doretta Van Dyke, as she ran with a
light, gay step across the room to meet an
elderly gentleman, and warmly shook her
hand. you came just at the right mo-
ment. / nevet go to confession, but, you
know, to an old family friend, who has
known me from childhood, and has been
almost like a father-well, to cut the
matter short, l want to open my heart
to you. You must be my father con-
feSsor.''
"You are jestingn'
'1Not a bit of it. | am in downright
earnest 1t is the first favor I've asked OF
you in long, long time. You won't say
no.''
eff you think that it is necessary''-
''Of course | do. You can judge for
yourself I've been here only two days;
come over from Boston on visit to my
mother, you know, and already they are
instigating my husband to bring a suit for
divorce
my dear Doretta," interrupted Mr..
Tort, mildly, couldn't we discuss this
matter a little more coolly? Might we
not, for example, sit down."
Certainly, let us sit down"
But this circumstance did not in any
way dampen the fire Of Mrs. Van Dykes
eloquence
"You know the cause of all this trou-
ble."
Not in the least
"No? You know just as well as /! 1t
is all about that little Lieut.. Scratch.
People say he has been making love to
me, and |, so they say, am pleased with
his attentions. Did you ever hear Of such
examinations? L saw Scratch for the
FIRST time here at Mrs. Fitzgerald Archi-
bald's. She isn't related to Lord Fitz-
gerald, of DevOnshire, at all, though she
claims to be. Goodness gracious, every
body nowadays pretends to be related to
the nobility. Why, my maid says she be-
longs to the Fontainlleus. But, let me
see, where were we? If there's anything |
hate it's digressionS when one has story
to tell; it's SO tiresome.
ooh, yes! about Lieut.. Scratch and
Mrs. Observation-Disclosures tea. Well,
there couldn't have been more than ten or
twelve people there at the most. Mrs.
Archibald-it takes too long to pronounce
all her name and she really has no right
to it anyway-Mrs. Archibald had one of
her headaches. That is her forte. She
is always complaining of headaches. The
drawing room was lighted by a couple of
carcelles lamps, one with red shade and
the other with green one. These pro-
duced the funniest physiognomies! Mrs.
Archibald stood near the green lamp and
looked for all the world like an unripe
lemon. And her sister, Mrs. Patterson,
was near the lamp with the red shade,
and had the appearance Of a picked beet.
While there in the middle was the old
aunt! How did she look? One cheek had
a red tint and the other was pale green
tint. 1t was too funny!
Yes, there was Mrs. Archibald and
Mrs. Patterson-so lovely! A pair of ripe
beauties, they! But they haven't given
up the hunt after conqueSts yet. Every
body in New York knows that Mrs.
Archibald was most extraordinarily in
innate with
'But, Doretta"-
ooh! entirely platonic, l assure you!
With an alderman. Now, l ask you,
what is an alderman, even if he does go
10 the springs every year? And Mrs.
Patterson? People are so malicious.
You know old Gen. Cabman, don't YOU?
The man who is blind in his right eye and
deaf in his left ear? He is her favorite
now, they say, and his predecessor was
Capt. Guernsey, who lost his leg at Bull
Run, and has nothing but n trifiing pen
sion. You've heard what they call Mrs.
Archibald's house, haven't you? Mol
The military hospital. Pretty good,
isn't it,
''Of the old aunt, I believe, they have
nothing bad to tell, or good either, for
that matter, though her face and figure
are something frightful. She is a regular
pedant. When she isn't haranguing the
company at the top of her voice she goes
to sleep. And if in waking interval she
does keep silence once in while, she
makes the whole company so nervous they
don't know what to do, by the disagree
able habit of rubbing her hands, as if she
was washing them with soap"
but, my dear" interpolated Mr. Tort
once more, ''all this has nothing to do
with the matter in hand.n
'What! Nothing TO do with il? On
the contrary, it is indispensabler'
'Well, then, you see, TO tell it briefly,
the only young and - aheml - pretty
woman in the room was myself OF the
gentlemen, the alderman and the general
occupied themselves with the pair Of
sisters; there was a millionaire, made rich
by bankruptcies; a congressman whether
Democrat or Republican, can't say; at
all events. he had never smelled much
political powder; then literary man
deliver us from evil then Scratch and
my husband Now, if you take out Scratch
and myself, that was a delightful COM
pany, wasn't it? For you see-weI, YOU
know, my husband is good enough sort
of a fellow, but he is tediousness persona
fed. 1t is natural enough; he is simply q
normal married man, and tiresomeness
seems to be general characteristic of
husbands MOI Don't shake'your head,
Mr.. Tort You don't know anything
about it. You should be a woman, and
married-one week would be enough. A
husband is, perhaps, away from home,
good company, entertaining and witty,
but in his own family he is pro-
sale, grumbliug and unbearable He
Is discontinued with everything Every
thing gives him occasion 10 moraliZe.
to preach sermons rs long as a seven
years drouth. He holds his wife back by
the skirts if she wants TO go out, and if
she wants 10 stay at home nothing will do
but she must trot along with him and
make calls Always opposition and irri-
liability. If our honored lords and mas.
tiers are gracious enough to take us to the
theatre their faces are as long rs Your
arm, if they are alone with US; but they
brighten up the instant they see the wives
Of other lnen. We get along all right
when we have two couples together; then,
ct least, there is opportunity 10 open cross
IRE, and this has certain attractiveness
But, alas! for US, if one happens to be the
u ~