Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1887-01-29
A DUDE IN TRAINING.
Trying to Ciothe Himself with MUSCLE
Under the BARRIERS Hands

Trying to Clothe Himself with Muscles
Under the Barber's Hands,
1t was my privilege the other day to see
dude, not exactly as natural, but with
out any of the furnishings that would tone
him mp and set OF his peculiar points to
their best advantage. 1t was an awful
sight aud it shook my belief in natural
selection and the progress Of the race until
the chimneys all tumbled down and the
mastering came of 1t was in place
where the poor little creatures 90 to gel
themselves improved by gymnastic exer'
eiseS and where / saw all the secrets OF
their toilets. You needn't ask me how
happened to be there or how l managed tC
see all / did see. Just read and be CRATE
full.
Well, about the dude. He was develop,
iur his form. And il needed II. I've
seen girls pad, who looked about as much
like their dressed selves as Thanksgiving
turkey all ready to be carved looks like
the strutting lord of the barnyard that
he once was. Bnt that was nothing tC
the transformation there had been in this
creature since | had seen him coming
down Fifth avenue few minutes before.
He had on the usual attire for athletic
exercises, and was see-Sawing away al
some kind of an arrangement for develop
ing the muscles of his arms and chest. His
Door little lead pencil neck looked as If q
sudden Whit OF air would snap 1t IN two,
and without the support OF his big white
collar his ears loomed out like wings. The
excuse for clothes that men wear at that
kind OF work was supposed to fit him skin
tight, but they hung around him in such
folds and wrinkles, like drapery, that II
relieved all my embarrassment in looking
at him. His arms were bare, and they
were the thinnest, skinniest, sallowest,
most worthless looking pair OF arms that
YOU ever saw. Let him tug away at bis
best and he couldn't get up bulge OF the
biceps bigger than your thumb. lie gave
it up after he had pulled and bobbed
around and bulged out his eyes and go'
red in the face for about five minOtes.
"Weally, now, you know, Pll have to
stop. I'm beastly blown"
The attendant suggested that If he found
it too difficult perhaps he'd better not try
that form Of exercise any more. But he
shook his head sadly.
mo, I'll have to keep on, for, WEAKLY,
don't you know, my tailor has to put SO
much padding in my clothes it makes me
tired to carry il. | must keep up this
beastly thing"
They wanted him to take cold sponge
bath but lie shook his head in terror and
declared it gave him chill to think Of II,
80 they took him away into seclusion to
rub him down with almond oil instead,
and proceeded to dress him.
Later he went to q barber who makes q
speciality of identifying the swells. There
they trimmed his eyelaSheS, pulled out the
scattering hairs between his eyebrows,
rubbed his face all over with some kind OF
a gentle cosmetic, curled his poor little
pretense Of q mustache with an iron, gave
his head periumed shampoo, extracted
some hairs that came down too low on one
side of his forehead, spent an hour shap'
ing and polishing his finger nails, and
when he was finally ready TO come out
from their hands what do you think they
.aye him TO take home? 1t was machine
that looked as if it might be first cousin
to a clothes pin, and the fellow was to
wear it on his nose at night. He thought
his nose was too big Tor the rest OF his face
that if he could only reduce is little ms
features would "weally be quite wegulah, u
and SO he was going to put this corset on al
night.-CidrH Belle.