Morning journal and courier., 1887-10-05
DONE.

the old college chum. "Do? I don't do anything; undo" "Ehg' "Im divorce lawyer" "Oh." ."-Brooklyn Eagle.
 Lawyer-Your uncle makes you his sole heir. but the will stipulates that the sum of $1O0 must be buried with him.
 Heir (feelingly)-The old man was eccen- tric, but his wishes must be respected, of course. I'll write check for the amount New York Sun.
 About the hardest thing in the world for woman to preserve while engaged in the preserving business is her temper, when she is obliged to set her preserving kettle off the stove to answer ring at the door bell, and finds patent medicine circular on the front step.-Norristown Herald.
 The victory of the Volunteer over the This tie is undoubtedly another proof of the inev itable prosperity which grows out of 8 pro- tective tariff, while, on the other hand, it is her tree-trade heresies which caused Great Rritains craft to sail so badly. We are not in a position to prove these things; but of course they are just the same.-Boston Trans cIipt.
 Knowledge is Wealth.-Accident insurance agent-sHow many insurance tickets did you dispose of to-day2" Railroad ticket man -"Only one." A. I. A.-"Only ones What fools travellers areI' R. T. MI should say so." A.LA.-"Only one accident ticket ", thata" R. T. M.-"The superintendent of construction. ."-Tid Bits.
 "Young man," he asked, "what is your ambition in life?'
 ''To get rich, sir,'' replied the young man, lighting fresh cigar.
 'tNot very high aim. But while you are trying to get rich, aren't you spending a good deal of money?"
 "Oh, I don't mind the expense, sir. I'm 1pill &o rio oh York Sun.
 He was rather sentimental, and so was she, as they strolled along. She knew she had him, but he did not know how far he had progressed with her. fsDo you like senti- mente' he said s'Not too much of it." said she. "How happy fellow must feel when he has the girl he loves in hls arms and holds hers, and" ''And-and-it's so easily done," said she.-San Francisco Chronicle.
 The agent of Cincinnati grocery house, who went over to Kentucky town to in- quire into the failure of a grocer, asked to see the books. The grocer raised his voice and called to negro at the back end of the store: Hi! you boy, bring out them books. Get those two lives of Daniel Boone; and if there's Bible round bring that. This chap wants to see our books, and we want him to know that our books are all to be sawn. Wall Street News:
 Two of Kind-A rather sharp looking gentleman sat opposite to roughly dressed man on an elevated car. The roughly dressed man was remarkable for his bow-legs. My friend" said the gentleman, ''pardon my curiosity, but how did you acquire such peculiar curve in your legsa'' "When I was boy, went in swimming one day. When came out, laid down on the grass to dry. I fell asleep, and when I woke up the sun had warped my legs" replied the nan with the peculiar legs ''My friend," said the gentle man, "allow me to take you by the hand. We are two of kind. I prepare the affda- wits to the circulation of certain New York daily paper. ."-Texas Siftings.'
 From New Orleans (Cabled) Mrs. Great orex Qanguidly and scanning her jeweled calling list)-"We'll drive to Poindexter's ke- no rooms, Prince; from there take a drift around to that dear little Mexican pulque sa- loon on Carondelet street; then run over to hit the race ticker moment; look in at the lottery office to see what General Beaure- gard has done for the family; and call at Mir. Greatorex's office for check to place on Southron for the Crescent. What dull, stupid old hamlet this is." Prince-"Ker- ne1 Potch'trains gwine ter match his red hackle gin Jedge Chat'reaux's ole gray brown to Bigot's pit at free clock. Missy Gen'vieve." Mrs. Greatorex-"Is he? We'll come back and get the children. and drive down there. Pluck.