Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1887-07-15
PITH AND POINT.

A deep mystery-The bed of the ocean.
---StOcbtOn Pr0djgal.
Ripe for mischief-the early water
melon Cle0eldnd San.
A burglar generally makes his home
run after he reaches the plate. e.-LoaoeIJ
Citizen.
Isn't it singular that the product of
the still should make men so noisy2-
Hotel Gazette.
If all men were to pay as they go there
would be less going and more paying
L0,OeU Citizen.
Where there is deficiency of brain
you will generally find preponderance
of colar.-PsOria Call.
A Texas photographer advertises to
"take photograph as quick as mule
can kick. .n1BurIingtOn Free Press.
To the crook that dimes in a restaurant
the silver spoons are like some kinds of
medicine-to be taken after meals.--St.
Paul Herald.
A married man remarks that the prin.
cipal difference between mans hat and
a oman's bonnet is about $12.-Ninne-
apolis Journal.
"Trouble in the Choir" is the heading
in religious paper. Been trying some
of that festival ice-cream, we suppose
Yonkers Statesman.
Hard, rugged toll will e'er defeat
Soft, lazy luxury
The man who eats corn bread will beat
The man who lives on pie
Merchant Traveller
'sWell," said an old tramp wiping the
perspiration from his brow with the
back of his hand, II wish somebody
would explain why so much water comes
out of my pores. never absorb any. y
Moyristown Herald
There he goes!" We knew man
once who said it was the height of his
ambition to hear the people say of him:
"There he goes" One day his ambition
was gratifed, but he was going to the
penitentiary. -Sytiags
A Philadelphia paper says there is
enough beer consumed in the United
States every year to float all the navies in
the world. That's nothing. Twenty
schooners sometimes come out of one
keg. Washington Critic.
Carpets were first introduced into Eng,
land in the eighth century. Tacks lying
point up in the easy chair soon followed.
From these two small beginnings has
dated the rise of many poor and OBJ
scure man.---lSt. Paul Herrld.
Professor said the medical student,
twill you be kind enough to tell me of
some antidote for water2" San antidote
for water?" Yes, sir. expect to prac-
tice in Kentucky, and I want to be pre-
rarcd for any emergency y.-MerchGnt-
1rageler.
"John, did you ever observe the fond
ness of DR.. Blank and his wife for each
other2n 81 hadn't noticed it specially.
What makes you think so2" "Why,
Mrs Blank always calls the doctor her
duck" "Ah, yesl That's because he is
quack. .n--Neoman Independent.
Omaha wife-''What has become OF
your friend, Fireater2" Omaha husband
-"He is still doing the editorial work,
but is no longer able to hold pen and
does all his writing by dictation."
"Does he dictate to his daughter or his
wife2" "To his daughter, of course. y
omaha World.
"Oh, Rowena," exclaimed Voltigerh
Tapemeasure, dropping on his knees
without struggle, ''your beauty fires
my heart" "My daughter" said old
Hengist Wheatcorner, entering the room,
81 will divide the contract with you; 1
will fire the rest of him" Which he
did. Brooklyn Eagle
"No professional beggars allowed
round here" said the woman sharply,
$50 git" II am no professional beggar,
madam" he replied with dignity. II
may be tramp-in fact, l will admit
that am tramp in an amateur sort of
way-but l arn no beggar. If you have
ham bone left over, or some cold
mackcrel, or anything the dog doesn't
care for or the pigs won't eat, you may
| give it to me, but don't call me profe'
sional beggar. "-Neao York Sun.