The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-02-16

TIE following matrimonial INQUIRIES

Tie following matrimonial inquiries are
now in my hands awaiting replies, says
Bill Nye, in the Boston Globe, aud / take
this method OF giving them more air. A
few months ago injudiciously stated that
/ would take great pleasure in booming, or
otherwise whooping up. everything in the
matrimonial line, If those who needed aid
would send me twenty-five cents, with per-
sonal description, lock of hair and general
outline of the style of husband or wife they
were yearning for. AS a result of thus
yielding to blind impulse and giving it
currency through the Globe, l now have a
huge mass of more or less soiled postage
stamps that look as though they had made
bicycle tour around the world, haymow
full of letters breathing love till you can't
rest, and a barrel of calico colored hair. II
is rare treat to look at this assortment of
hair of every hue and degree of curl and
coarseness. When | pour it out on the
floor, it looks like the interior of an Indiana
barber shop during the State Fair. When
l want fun again, will not undertake to OBJ
tain 1T by starting a matrimonial agency.
L have one letter from n man of twenty
seven summers, who pants to bestow HIM
self on some one at as early date as
possible. He tells me on n separate slip of
paper, which he wished destroyed, that he
is little given to bowling up" a term
with which | am not familiar, but he goes
on to say that good, noble woman with
love In her heart and an earnest desire to
save soul, could rush in and gather him
in good shape. He says that he is worthy,
and if he could be snatched from drunk
ards grave in time he believes that be
would become eminent. He says that sew
eral people have already been overheard to
l.oN l. III. Il
he is led to believe that a good wife, with
some means, could redeem him. He says
that il is quite common thing for young
women where he lives to marry young mer
for the purpose of saving them.
| think myself that some young Cir
ought to come forward and snatch this
brand Mt an early date.
The great trouble with men who form the
bowl habit is that, on the morrow, after they
have been so bowling, they awake with 6
distinct and well-defined sensation Of sore
ness and swollenness about the head, ac-
companied by a strong desire to hit some
living thing with q stove leg. The married
man can always turn to his wife in such an
emergency, smite her, and then 60 to sleeI
again. bnt to one who is doomed to wander
alone through life there is nothing to do bu
to suffer on, or go out and strike some one
who does not belong to his family, and sc
lay himself liable TO arrest.
This letter is accompanied by n-typt
picture of young man who shaves in suct
a way as to work in streak of whiskers by
which he fools himself into the notion tina,
he has long and luxuriant mustache. III,
looks like person who, under the inhu.
ence of liquor, would weep on the bosom
of total stranger, and then knock his wifi,
down because she split her foot open in.
stead of splitting the kindling.
He is not a bad-looking man, and the
freckles on his hands do not hurt him as
husband. Any young lady who would lik,
to save him from a drunkards grave car
address him in my care, inclosing twenty
five cents, small sum which goes TOWARD
little memorial fund / am getting up fo
myself. My memory has always been very
poor, and If / can do it any good with this
fund am going to do it. The lock of hal
sent with this letter may be seen at an,
time nailed up on my woodshed door. L
is dull red color, and can be readily Gu
by means of pair of timers shears.
BURNT PRAIRIE, MAR JUNCTION, ON ROAD
TO COURT House, Tenn, Jan. 2, 1887.
DEAR SIR am in search of wife, ant
would be willing to settle down If could ge
good wife. was but 26 years of age whel
my mother died, and miss her sadly, for sh'
son.
/ have been wanting for the past year Il
settle down, but | have not saw girl tina
| thought would make me good, true wife
| know l have saw good deal of the world
and am inclined to be cynical for / see how
hollow everything is. and how much neeC
there is for a great reform. Sometimes
think that if | could express the wild thoughts
that surges up and down in my system,
could win a deathless name. When / get wv,
or three drinks aboard can think of thing
faster than / can speak them, or draw then
of Tor the paper. What l want is a woman
that can ecOnomize, and aso take the place
of my lost mother who loved me and put
better polish on my boots than any other Inv
ing man.
know l am gay and giddy in my nature
but if | could meet joyous young girl jus
emerging upon life's glad morn, and she ha
means, | would be willing TO settle down ant
make as good husband as you ever shool
stick at A. J.