The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1887-05-25
A Fault Finder.

All husbands find fault with theil
meals. know this to be true, because
Mr.. Bowser says 50. think it nothing
strange when Mr.. Bowser sits down to
his dinner and begins:
Humph some old corned beefl'
Yes, my dear; it's the same corned
beef you ordered as you went down this
morning
oh, it isl l didn't know, but it was
some ordered year agol What do you
call these things?'
Potatoes, of course"
" Potatoes, eh ! I'll try and remember
that name. And what's this ?"
Cabbage, my love-"
81 didn't know but it is was wood
pulp, my love. Was this bread made
since the war;"
Certainly. 1t is only two days DID,"
Humphl Buying some poor coffee
again, see Look at that. That stuff
looks as if it was dipped out of a mud
hole
" But you ordered this very coffee your
self only night before last"
He growls an d eats, and eats and growls,
and I've got used to it. tits only now
and then he proceeds to violence. The
other day he expressed his fondness for
pumpkin pie, and ordered the cook to
make two or three. We had one brought
on at supper, and as soon as Mr. Bow
ser saw it he sternly inquired:
What do you call that performance
there? When was it born, and where is
it going to?
Mr., Bowser, you said you wanted
some pumpkin pie"
Yes"
"Well, here it is, and as good a
one as you ever ate made it myself
from mothers favorite recipe
Mrs. Bowser, do you call that pump
kin pie?"
al do, sir"
Then want to be branded fool
What do you take me for, anyway
Don't you suppose / was eating pump
kin pies before you were born?
Why isn't it a pumpkin pie?"
Why isn't "A boot leg a boot Where
is your other crust?
But pumpkin pies never have an up
der crust"
Don't they? Mrs. Bowser, you can
deceive the cook, fer she is confiding
foreigner, and you can stuff most any
yarn down our poor little baby, but do
not try to bamboozle me- 1t won't
work. I'm glad for your sake that my
mother is not here to laugh at YOU
In two days / had letter from his
mother, affirming that were was no up
per crust to pumpkin pie, and brought
my own mother over in the flesh as afur-
ther witness, but did Mr.. Bowser do
but loudly exclaim
Bosh You old women have forgot
ten half you knewl You are thinking
about pudding and milk, you are OF
course there is no upper crust to pud-
ding and milk, and l never said there
was.r
He cost me good girl last week by
one of his whims. ! happened to won
der aloud during the evening if she had
put her bread TO raise, when he prompt
y inquired:
Mrs. Bowser, do you know why the
bread raises ?"
8 Because of the yeast"
" But why does the yeast expand the
iough?"
" Because it does"
Exactly. You also live because you
DO, and that is all you know about it
You ought to be ashamed of your ignor-
ance of natural philosophy. I'll see if
the girl knows any better"
He went out and inquired
Jane, have you put the bread to
raise?n
" Yes, SIR
Do you expect it to raise ?"
"Of course"
Why don't you expect it to fall ?"
" Are you running this kitchen ?" she
sharply demanded.
Virtually, yes. My object is to see
now well you are posted on natural phil
,sophy Why does the bread raise in
stead of fall"
Because it's fool, and Pm another
ior staying in place where man is al
owed to hen-huzzy about the kitchen
I'll leave in the moreing."
And leave she did, and all the conso-
alton got from Mr.. Bowser as he came
up to dinner was.
It's good thing she left. She might |
nave mixed something together which
would have caused our deaths. Come |
iow, hurry up the dinner"
Mr.. Bowser has improved some in the
direction of taking care of the baby. / |
an now leave them together as long as |
fifteen minutes without fear that one will |
'ill the other by trying some experiment.
They had been alone but seven minutes |
he other day while was up stairs, and |
when | came down Mr.. Bowser SEEM
ID quite agitated and whispered to
me-:
I've suspected it all long!p
" WHAT"
That our child is somewhat Of mon
frosty. Look at that +"
And he pointed to soft spot OF the |
hild's head were throb could be de- |
ected.
Every child has the same,' ! replied
n reassuring voice.
"Oh they have Ell What infants
ssylum have you been matron off,
Perhaps married the mother instead
# the daughter! ] tell you that's freak
# nature, that is, and l shan't be surpris-
d to come home any day, and find a
iorn beginning to sprout.'
The way to get Rich.
A Land speculation. "But,p said the