Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1887-02-16
THE HUMOROUS PRESS.

The question Of the hour-How'
the wood pile holding out ?-Ceda
Rapids Gossip.
, WHY should q cold snap be so in
J variably g. soft snap for the coal mo
nopolists ?-Judge.
EMPEROR WILLIAMS appetite i
failing. But the Prussian diet seem
to agree with him.-TroyTines.
| The weather is as changeable as 6
cheap politician and as unreliable az
q ~ gold watch.-FaH River Herald
WE are great country. There are
Z feet OF snow In Vermont, and z inch.
es OF mud in New York.-New YORK
Herald.
THERE is altogether too much bust
ness about rheumatism for it ever to
| become g. fashionable complaint
! Washington Critic.
THE Canadian government will
please take notice that the United
States is about to spell "fsh" with
Observation-Disclosures Union.
You light a match to make it burn,
and burn a match to make it light.
The man who doesn't advertise CAM
see this.-Gorham Noun taineer.
$50. you were at the public dinner ?"
eyes" "Good dinner, of course ?o
sAll but the DESSERT" "What did
you have for dessert 2" "Evarts. -
Puck.
A PLACARD posted in Dundee re-
Gently announced the opening of the
Theater Royal "under the manage
ment OF Miss Goddard, newly decorat-
ed and painted"
HEARD at the Bal de TOpera: "Just
see that woman. She is outrageously
decollete." "Postal card toilet
Chow is that" "No envelope
New York Graphic.
AN easy Observation-Disclosures
sort OF hair had the ancient Britons?
Boy-Ancient Britons? Yes. Gray
hair OF course. Gimme something
hard.-T'exas Sittings.
MISTRESS Ito new servant)-Well,
Bridget, we shall want breakfast on
the table at z O'Clock every morning.
Bridget-Yes mum; then I'll have to
be called at six.-Tid-B Bits.
The pen may be mightier than the
sword, but the present condition of
affairs in Europe goes to show that
the machine gun has the call on
the typewriter-St. Louis Republic
an.
FARMER-Do you want this job of
shoveling snow? Tramp am not a
snow shoveler; sprinkle lawns. The
man who shovels snow will be along
IN about ten minutes.-Texas Stiff
ings.
THE prisoner has g. very smooth
face" said little Justice DUFFY the
other day. eyes your honor" re-
piled the facetious policeman, che was
ironed just before I brought him in"
Life.
THE Household says: "The COM
ing girl will walk five miles day."
Now if we only knew where the COM
ing girl started from we could find out
when she would get here.-New Haven
News.
THE best music in Atlanta is made
by Prof. Wurm's orchestra. Some
day q rival band will come along
with g. bottle of vermifuge, and put
that orchestra out of tune.-NeW Or
leans Picayune.
CUSTOMER Tin restaurant Waiter,
isn't it strange that [ should find sew
eral tiles III my soup? Waiter-( some-
what amazed am strange for g.
fac, sab, fer dis season Oh de yeah
HarDer's Bazaar.
RATHER startling -sWell, Count,
any sport this morning?" "Helas
mon ami; very sad sport. | ave
shot three beautiful missesp' (He
means he has missed three beautiful
shots. )-Punch.
THEY were talking of the feminine
sex, when Nine. B. exclaimed: "You
men are right to accuse us. I only
know two perfect women" And who
is the other ?" inquired her companion
gallantly.-New York Graphic.
OMAHA clothing dealer-"I have no
use for this sort of stock; we don't
sell fatiron holders" Chicago drum
mer-"Flatiron holders ?" eyes,
that's what These are, amt they ?''
"No, they're ear muffs. "-Omaha
World
WEEPING wIFE-You promised me on
New Years Day that you would never
come home drunk again-boohoo. In
ebriate husband-Jesh sho, my dear,
didn't come home drunk. Kind
trendsh brought me home in cab
Texas Siftings.
81 HOPE and pray" remarked a
gentleman as he left the steamer,
'tthat shall never have occasion to
cross the Atlantic again." .Rough
passage, Ell ?" "Rough is no name
FOR it. had four kings beat three
times. New York Sun.
OMAHA dame-Well, Dick, did you
have a nice time sleighing with sister
Nell and M. Nicefellow? Little Dick
Not very. Sister was so afraid that |
I'd get Group that she kept me down
under the buffalo robes, and couldn't |
see thing. Omaha World.
M1sINTERPRETED.-Ta Mngton-How |
particularly well you look in that at
titude, Miss Grace-a veritable oda- |
lisk. Miss Grace-Thank you Mr.. |
darlington, but trust do aot look
SO old. IN. B. She was thinking of an
obelisk) Chicago Rambler.