The new dominion. [volume] (Morgantown, W. Va.) 1876-1904, 1887-10-01

The Type of Liar That II Entitled to In
disputAble Pre-eminence.

"For summer diet" said the Colo
mel, biting of the end Of his cigar, II
prefer the common trout liar in the
middle latitndes to any other stimu-
liant. He is quietly unexpected; he
never varies a great deal; the narrow
limits Of weight keep him within GER
tain bounds. so that it is only when
the near approach of death in some
horrible form drives him TO a partial
confession of the approximate truth.
that the appalling dimensions of
bald-faced lie on small subject burst
upon you. Iwould have little hesitancy
in accepting. with certain reservations.
some of the moro probable and COM
monplace items in the last sworn state
ment of dying trout liar"
"Still." remarked the professor.
''there are certain elements of the mar
velous that we expect and desire in q
well-rounded lie, and these, l think,
are only found in their nearest APP
proach to the absolute perfection OF
mendacity in the aerial flights of the
Dakota cyclone liar. The cyclone liar
is not confined to any semblance of
truth; the profoundest depths and the
farthest heights Of far-reaching fabrica-
ton is his He thrills, startles, amazes.
overwheims, stupefes; the very colos-
sus of guile; an avalanche of empiri-
cism."
"But yon must admit" said the doc
tor, as the applause which followed the
professor beautiful and truthful de-
scription ceased, "that there is GER
tain nameless charm in the sunny de-
ceits of the domestic climate liar that
entities him to the soap. II his is not
the fight of the eagle it is the twitter
Of the barn swallow. If it is not the
roar of the torrent it is the murmur OF
summer brook. To burn and freeze
while he drones into your ears the rec
ords which show the even temperature
Of the country; to be torn, poisoned.
| devoured by million unknown and
namcless insects while he tells you that
nothing noxious in weed, reptile or in
| sect was ever seen there; to hear him
| talk of roses at Christmas when you
know that the death rate in December
is increased in that country ninety
eight per cent by the deaths from
freezing; to sit before him and hear
him lie in the teeth of the blizzard and
the face of the summer thermometer
this is the pinnacle of audacity; this is
the crown of brazen, constituencies dar-
ing and Justification. The climate liar
lies in any climatic point; his the hottest
days and his the deepest SHOWS. or his
the entire absence of either. as occasion
may suggest. No other liar so versa
tile, so fertile, so free from rule, SO
fearless of contradiction.
"All these types" said the parson,
fare indeed strong in themselves. and
each presents certain claims to pre-
eminence. But during my travels in
the Orient l encountered type widely
known, though not common to Ameri-
can soil. An English gentleman, who
had spent several years in India tiger
hunting"
An oppressive, awe-stricken silence
fell upon the circle, and as by one i'm
pulse the advocates Of the several
claimants who arose and laid their hats
in a pile at the parsons feet, and the
umpire, young man named Sinbad
Ochiltree Munschausen, a writer OF
circulation aflidavits and soap testimo-
mails, added his own hat to the pile, at
the same time expressing an earnest
| desire to reform. -Burdctte, in Brook
lam Eaqle.