The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-07-06
HUMOR.

WHAT is better than promising
young man? A paying one.
AN appropriate name for an engineer
on cable car would be Agrippa.
ENGLISH sparrows make tough pies
sort Of gutter-percher, as it were.
AN ape has short tail-one exam
pie in nature of hasty conclusion.
DAVID killed Goliath by means
of a>sling. Men are often knocked out
yet by gin-sling.
The latest style Of hand-organ has
only one stop. 1t begins in the morn
ing and stops at night.
II is said that the reason girl loves
a sewing machine so much is because
there is Teller in it.
PRETzEL's WEEKLY: Der ear-marks
of yackass dond could deach der sendi-
mends uf his hind foots.
PoMERoY's DEMOCRAT: The best
kind of parlor magic is that which
converts gloom into sunshine.
SOMEONE says the major portion of
the Confederate armies were officers.
OF course they were. They are in ev-
cry other army.
JOHNNY" said fond mother to her
boy, (which would you rather do,
speak French or Spanish 2" Il
would rather" said johnny, rub
bling his waistband and looking OK
pressively at the table, Il would rather
talk Turkey. "-IerdS SVtingS.
snow, JOHNNY" said the patient
teacher, "put away that pocket knife
and pay attention to what 1 am saying.
If you had an apple which you wished
to divide with your little sister, hw
much would you give her?" I'D give
her the core" said Johnny. -Harper's
Bdiar.
LITTLE DoT-"What does Mr.. Nice
fellow GO to your house so often for ?"
Little Dick-"He wants to marry Nell"
us they engaged?" no" Did he
say he wanted to marry herr" "No."
"Then how do you know he does?"
go! He acts so like fool. - Omaha
World.
THERE was an unusually large at
tendance at the various churches last
Sunday. The ladies all had new bon
nets and new dresses, you know, and
the dear creatures couldn't st>y away.
1t is awfully hard to serve the Lord in
an old hat.-C. ]. Walls, IN NeWma,1
independent.
81 AM so pleased' said Clara to her
little friend. Last Saturday they gave
me such beautiful doll for q birthday
present. "Ah you still play with
dolls. 1 don't; l am too big now. I"
"And what have you done with yours ?"
Il have locked it in the cupboard. 1t
will do for my children" "But sup
pose you have no children" "ihen it
will go to my grandchildren"
CoNUNDRUM
"Conundrum! Guess il if you can,
And tell me, John, the answer,
Wherein "A clumsy printer man
Is like an honest dancer
Il have it, Jane!" You haven't, though,
I'd make n dozen bets.
"one Of them sets the FORMS you know;
The other forms the sets.
SHARP answer dear, but not the one
Wrought by my mental caper-
One OF Thorn pays the piper, John;
The other pies the paper
Printers Circular.
WHEN the other train struck" ex-
| planned the fireman to the President of
Dakota railroad, at disabled both
| the engineers arms, but he got hold of
the whistle rope with his teeth before
he died and hung on, and she howled
till we cut our way to him, pried open
his Jaw, and removed his body" "Er
-well-yes," replied the President,
"but l don't exactly see what good that
did" why, we were inside the city
limits, and it was early on Sunday
morning. There's an ordinance against
locomotives whisthng, you know.
Certainly, see the point. He was a
brave and faithful man, and I'll see that
hic g., &c FOL Of Cd e, al,