The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-02-24
WIT AND HUMOR.

Toboggan doesn't make very good
rhyme for hugging, but-well, it gets
there just the same.-Merchant Trarel-
/ eT.
Meet me at the gate, love-" has
been changed to Meet me at the CRATE,
| love" The cool weather necessitates
| the change.
The University of Bologna is soon to
celebrate the eight hundredth anniver-
sary of its foundation. The original
sausage will be ethere.-Burlington Free
| Press
Palmistry is not such new craze;
we have known men to sit around a
table for hours trying to find out about
each others hands.-B0Ston CONNER
ciat Bulletin.
A writer says that the mating of
human beings is beyond the science of
man. Perhaps this is the reason why
matchmakers are usually of the gentler
sex.-Ne10 HaUe1s Ne,0S.
The .'Beak"-I fancy l remember
your face. You have been here before?
| Prisoner-Many time, your Worship
But how stout you've grown! How's
the missis?-La Rappel.
An uptown merchant said to a
farmer: "A dollar will 90 further than
it used to-" Yes" the farmer quick
| ly replied, land it makes the distance
in quicker time. Hudson Republican.
Il see we are going to have standard
time here now," observed Mrs Nc
Swilligan. "Yes, y replied the husband,
''the Standard has gobbled everything
else nearly, and now it undertakes to
run our time for US. -PthSburg Chroni-
| cle
(Seene: The Champs Elysees during
shower of rain). Spotless Masher
| (minus umbrella, to solitary young
lady, with one): '.Will you permit me,
mademoiselle, to take you under my
protection, and your umbrellaP" -
journal PariSjen7e.
"Isee," said Brown, that they now
say that beef tea is worthless as an
article of food But for all that, it
was the only thing that saved my life
when | had the fever" Fogg- Yes;
but how does that prove that beef tea
is not wOrthless?'- Boston Transcript.
THAT young Bilkins is irrepres-
sible, :" exclaimed old Hotbox, referring
to Maud's young man. He positive
ly won't be sat down upon" 20, yes,
he will" put in little Willie; task
Maud if he won't" Willie" said
Maud, blushing, you may run and
play"
Il don't carer' exclaimed the young
woman behind the counter when she
heard of the marriage of an acquaint-
ance to a rich. codger, old enough to
be her father; they sneer at me be-
cause | am a saleslady, but I'd rather
be a saleslady than a lady that is sold. ="
Boston transcript.
A couple OF tOpers were cOnversing
at an Italian Osteria. Said one: Can
you tell me, old pal, who is our patron
saint-the patron of all topers? | bet
you don't know" "Why, Bacchus,
of course" Wrong! 1t is Calico.
who was the first to say that the earth
turnsr-La Settlma17n.
1t is base libel on the editor of the
Oakland Enquirer to say that he ac-
cepted Thackeray's famous sketch,
1.-The Ravenswing, as an original
story by young Berkeley graduate.
The fact is he rejected the sketch as
not up to the literary standard of his
publication.-San Francisco Post
Lawyer-''Now you know the man
isn't truthful, do you not?' Witness
Il wouldn't like to say SO, sir" Law
yer-'Why not? A milder way of put
ting it would suit you better, perhaps?"
Witness-''Just SO. l wouldn't like to
decide as to the veracity; but ! know
thai he is decidedly unhistorical.
Dumley (who has stood an after
dinner cigar)-''Good cigar (puf'), eh,
Robinson?" Robinson (dubiously)-
''Ye-es puff), but a man can have too
much of a good thing" Dumley-
''How's that, Robinson?' Robinson
'sWe had corn beef and cabbage for
dinner, you ow.n-NeU York Sun.
The Kittens" The Roustabouts, :"
and The Bull Pups" are the names of
clubs affected by the society swells of
New York, and now the '.P. F.'s"
have been organized. Gossipis divided
whether the mystic symbols mean
''Poor Fools" or Plumb Fulls"
Doubtless either term is appropriate.
A doting Lodi aunt had her little
niece over at a neighbours, and, de-
string to show them how smart the lit
tie 2-year-old was, asked her what
they had over at her mammals" ex-
pecting she would tell them of their
new acquisition, a pretty white kitten.
The little innocent spoke up promptly:
milwaukee lager beer. ."-Detroit Free
Press.
Secretary Evarts uses some remark
ably long sentences, doesn't he?" said
a traveller to his seat-mate, with whom
he had been discussing the various
prominent statesmen, Yes; but /
don't think any of his can compare in
length to a sentence that heard Judge
Bromley get off last week" What was
itP" "Twenty-tive years. ."-Merchant
TrdUeler
Valerie Villemer CVassar, '87)-But
auntie, all the researches of modern
science convince us that evolution is
the onl y theory to which we can at
tach any confidence Amiable aunt
Well, my dear, if you won't disturb my
ancestors in the Garden of Eden l will
promise not to feed peanuts to yours
at the geological garden. - Harvard
Lamp00n.
A gentleman in Charlottetown, not
particularly given to exaggeration, says
he attended church III a distant rural
district of the island some time ago,
and was Mortified to observe that the
choir was led by festive fiddler, with
his squeaking instrument, both of
which had done duty the night before
at rattle for geese.-Raiyar (Nova
Scotia Herald.