News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-03-24

''Hou did exactly right 1hese are d
couple of letters my VIE wrote me
have lost them for a hundred dollar
bill"
"Quite right, sir, and Pm much
obliged. If she writes you any more
and I find 'em, you can depend upon
my discretion. ."-DetrOit Free Press.
IN HIS POCKET.
All the guests but myself were seated
around the table, and l had but just left
it. While passing though the passage
where hung the coats and hats, l felt
one of the pockets of coat brushing
rather heavily against my elbow, and L
took from that pocket bottle OF cham
pagne that I recognized as being one
brought up to the table an hour before.
A pretty mean thing to do-acceptlng a |
mans hospitality and then stealing his
wine. But what as my astonlshment |
at hearing, as the guests were departing, |
old Shabiman say, as he discovered his
coat pocket to be minus the bottle:
.'Whatl that bottles gone! L never
see such a lot of thieves as there is ERE
in my life Plum.
A MISTAKE,
A fond father blessed with eleven
children. and withal very domestic
man, tells this story: Gone afternoon,
business being very dull, he took the
early train out to his happy home, and
after time slipped up stairs to help
put the children to bed. Being missed
soon his wife went upstairs to see what
was going on. Upon opening the nur-
sery door she exclaimed: why, dear,
what in the world are you doing 2
why, wifey,' said he, i am putting the
children to bed, and hearing them say
their little prayers yes, said wiley,
sbut this IS one of our neighbor's chill
dren all undressedw And he had to
redress it end send it home.-ChtcagO
Ljgi7g Church.
THE DIFFERENCE.
s'You mustn't mind the cheering"
said one of the Jap's hackers to him
lust before time was lied in the wrest-
ling match last Saturday night; 1.-THE
house is full of Hines friends, and, of
course, they will applaud him"
''Me used t. that" responded Mat
sada, laconically; "been long time this
country
Then turning to the ex-sport, he said:
mo like call 'Chinee.' Not Chinee.
Me Jap. Much Offence Chineen Jap
as-as white man n Niger"
And after this proud expression of
patriotic sentiment he subsidized once
more into taciturnlty.- Buffalo Express.
LARGE EARS.
Little pitchers not only have large
ears. but wide mouths, sometimes. One
of these is IN Buffalo, and went to the
door when some ladies rang the bell the
other day.
"My dear" said one, "w1ll you please
tell YOUR mother that we would like to
see her q
The child departed silently and after
a while returned, sat down, and silently
watched the callers
"WelI," said one, at length, "and
what did mamma say ~
''She said, 'Oh, dear! I don't want
to, but s'pose must"
THE VALENTINE.
A loouacious little fellow who resides
in this city rather unceremOniously re-
moved the veil from the secrecy that
surrounds the missives of St. Valentine
The Young gentleman who is credited
with a regard for that little fellows
sister, and whose regard is not unreclp-
rocated, called the other evening, and,
meeting the little boy, very naturally
inquired:
Johnny, did you get valentine ~
ono 7 didn't and YOU wouldn't
either if Sarah hadn stoled the money
out O. my bank to buy one for you'll :
Boston Budget.
BOTH HANDS BUSY.
A negro in Alabama was brought up
for stealing a pair of chickens, but de
clared solemnly, that he "didn't steal
dem ar fowls" declaring on the other
hand, that the complainant had beaten
him brutally with a club.
But" said the Judge, "you're twice
as large and strong as he is; why didn't
you defend yourself 2"
"Why, jedge, see hyar; l had chick
en- in each hand an what's two raw
chickens agin club r.
AN INQUIsITIvE CHILD.
w nile MISS ClnOlGlOu, Il LIulNS1 IoNAS
was waiting in the parlor for little Ma
mics mother, little Mamie as ed:
why haven't you got husband like
ma has 2"
Miss Singleton replied, good -humor-
edly, that she couldn't find man to
marry her.
Good gracious! Have you really
asked all of them ~ exclaimed Mamie,
in open eyed wonder.-Ieras Siftings.
ORDERING FOR TWO.
Hotel waiter (to little girD Will you
order your breakfast, please.
Little girls mamma Some oat meal,
l think waiter.
Little girl Mamma, the waiter spoke
to me. A French chop, please, with
tomato sauce, English bacon, Lyonaise
potatoes, buckwhcat cakes and coffee,
and let the coffee be strong and hot
Little girls mamma (with sigh)-
You may bring me the same.
THE REA- ON.
Tom-'T don't see why so many peo-
ple makeFa fuss over that Miss Jones;
She isn't any better looking or as nice as
some of the other girls
Harry ''That's true, my dear boy,
but her pa is a millionaire. That's why
she carries so high a head.
Tom-"Oh, that's it, is it She holds
up her head by cheque reign. ."-BoS-
ton Budget.
LOOKING OUT FOR HIM.
Countryman lin an uptown hoteD-
What time is supper ready, mister
Clerk-Six o'clock, sir.
Countryman with an air of veXatlonl
We'll, I've got some business to tend
to afore eat, an I'm 'lraid l can't git
back till bout seven.
Clerk -Pll have the cook put some
thing away for you on plate.
CAUTION AND GOOD Sc sE.
Photographer Ito Philadelphia Gus
tomer)-Nill you be taken standing up
or sitting down
Philadelphia customer-How about
the cost
Photographer--The cost is the same
Philadelphia customer Then I'll sit
down, Of course. N. J. Sun,