Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1887-06-29
THE KICKER.

There is an oldish gentleman who
goes to his business in a street car
every morning at precisely eight
o'clock. He is known as the .'kicker,"
by those who habitually meet him on
the car, because every morning he has
something to kick about, and once he
gets to talking he keeps it up until he
arrives at the corner where he gets off
the car. He has been known to ride a
few blocks farther than his corner, be-
cause he had got to talking on some
subject, and had a good listner, and
couldn't find a place in the story to
break off. The same crowd ale in the
car with the old kicker every morning
composed of a couple of commission
men, a coal man, merchant, young
women clerks, etc, and they like to
engage him in conversation, and drop
off one or two at a time, at different
corners, and before he gets to his COR
ner, and while in the midst of his story,
the last QUE leaves him, and he talks to
himself. The other morning he got on
the car and they could all see he was
mad. He damned himself down in a
corner of the car, put one hand on
tho top of the other on the head
of his cane, and looked through
girl opposite him, at the sky in the
distance, plainly mad enough to bite
nails. A young man who works in a
train dispatcher's office remarked to
an insurance office clerk that he noticed
by the morning paper that new tele-
graph line was being built to Milwau-
kee. from the east. Before the insu.
rance young man could answer, the old
kicker said:
"It's high time there was a new
telegraph line. The old telegraph
company is monopoly and a nuisance,
Jay Gould ought to be sent to the
penitentiary. kilograms are delayed
unnecessarily, and man can walk
faster than a telegram goes"
30, don't know" said the train
dispatcher's young man, ga telegram
gets here pretty quick. We got q
cable message yesterday in ffteer
minutes from London"
EYES," said the old kicker, as he
damned his cane down on the Stats Of
the floor, sand I got one last night
from Wadsworth, forty-two miles
away, in exactly seven hours.''
''How did it happen" asked tht
insurance young man. shines DOWN.
II don't know how it happened thai
got it so quick" said the old man
as he took out piece of slippery cir
from his pocket and bit off piece tt
chew. But my son was coming W
from Chicago last night, and he tele
graphed me from Wadsworth, to senc
the carriage to the six o'clock train
Soon after six he came up to the house
in a hack, with his whole family. 81,
or seven children, and wanted to know
why I didn't send the carriage, and O.
course told him didn't know he was
coming. He said he wired me, and
told him he must have wired me on {
barbed wire fence, by mistake.''
''Well, didn'tyou get the message al
all?' asked a girl who clerks in store
where the old man buys his socks.
80, certainly, I got the message,
said he, as he put on his glasses to loot
1t the girl. "My wife and I retired a
the usual hour. l sleep on the right
side of the bed, near the burglar alarm
and my wife sleeps on the left side o:
the bed, near the telephone, about So, ,
pointing with his cane to couple Of
Stats on the floor, about in the relative
position that he and his wife were sleep.
ing, which caused he girl to blush and
look out the front window at one of the
mules. 1--WE were both sleeping, anc
, was dreaming about fire. You see
had been afraid of fires all day, the wint
blew so hard and had been to the fire a
the brewery that day, so it was no won
der:I dreamed of fire. My wife hao
eaten some dandelion green's for supper
and they Set heavy on her stomach, az
told her they would when she was
eating them, and she said afterwards
she was dreaming Jumbo was walking
up aad down on her, though Jumbo is
dead and Barnum las settled with the
railroad company for ten thousand dol.
lars which seems to me to be a small
sum for an elephant that cost so much
as Jumbo did, though Barnum might
have lied about the price he paid fol
the elephant"
At this point the car stopped and
several young girls and the insurance
man got off, and the old man turned to
the train dispatcher's young man and
continues:
"Well, all of sudden a bell rang