The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1887-03-02

BRIC-A.BRAC.
A TALE OF TWO CITIES.

TALE OF TWO CITIES.
A New York girl while visiting Boston
Went to walk; but the first street she
crossed on
Took her out of her way,
SO she Travelled I'll day,
And arrived at the spot she got lost on.
A Boston girl went to New York,
And tried eating ice. cream with Il fork;
But the tax and tn" strain
Proved too much for hcr brain,
SO she went back to baked beans and pork.
The disease of the mctcr-Gas-trick
fever.
How to make money fast-Nail Il dollar
to the counter.
Use DIR. Picrcc's pellets for all bilious
attacks.
The best chest protcctor-Fifty cents TO
the baggage master.
Faint heart never won n fair man." is
the way the girls write it in lcap.ycar.
Parting is not sweet sorrow to the mean
man who must part with his money.
1t much easier TO lay plans than il is TO
hatch them.
People who ely into II passion are apt
to get their wings sc0rchcd.
The Ohio boy who has been killed by an
orange peel didn't slip down on it; he ate it.
There arc few men who do not think
they arc strong enough to "hOld an Office. 3"
Artificial flowers are now 50 cNuuisitclv
scented that they are mistaken for natural
lowers.
For an agreeable breakfast a good eel"
depends upon having the skin taken of
before frying.
1t doesn't speak much Of the size OF Il
mnn'S mimi whom IL tnl.pG him, only n min
ute to make it up.
An English paper says that Americans
are good listeners. Our invention Of the
telephone proves it.
She-Do you believe in love at first sight?
lIe-Ccrtaiuly, my dear; I've loved more
than 4 hundred women ut first sight.
When II candidate gets into the hands Of
his. friends, the next move is to get their
hand in his pockets.
NO She said, swcctlY, 81 don't object
to the smell of 4 cigar; its the smell Of the
smoke | don't like
The proper question to ask Il young
woman who is about to clopc is, Docs
your mother know your routc!'
Every anliction has its blessing. Tie
man with a wooden leg never knows what
it is to have rheumatism in that ankle.
A young man calls his sweetheart rare
opportunity because she is worthy of be.
ing embraced.
An exchange says musl has become Il
popular dish in society. Nothing seems TO
take like something soft.
Black eyes denotes passion. 1t is gcncr-
ally safe to say that the mar with n black
eye has angcrcd some one.
1t is very strange that after a horse is
broke he is worth twice rs much. while
after man is broke he isn't worth a cent.
Soap doesn't cost rs much as diamonds.
but lots o people don't seem to DC able TO
afford both.
The size of mems pants is to be increased.
So glad. The dudes can now have Il sit.
ting down spell.
"Dcbutantc' asks: "INha, is the best
costume for a BALI That depends. a
tshball looks best in brown, with pork cut
bias.
You're The greatest woman ] ever heard
of, - said the boy to his mother; you tell
me have a bad temper, and yet blame me
for losing it,
Doctors say that people would be health
Ter If they ate more onions. Undoubtedly
they would. II would keep them from
going out nights.
y Washington clerk who had "A kcg Of
specie drop on his finger il one Of the few
people who ever had too much cash on
hand.
Two Connecticut lovers have Just made
up after "A quarrel which took place Is
years ago. Some people cannot hold
malice.
a country newspapers weekly market
report contains the item There has not
been enough country butter in town this
week to grease IL gim!ct.'
japanese soldiers carry fans. If they are
all as ugly rs those sent to this country, We
don't wonder they DapS) arc considered
more effective than guns.
\ man in one Of the suburbs knows how
to play on two comets ut once. The uciniI
bors say that they don't object to his know
ing how, but he had better not try to do 1t.
y Virginia girl married a tramp who
turned out to DC Il duke. We've no pi,y
for her. She should have known what lie
was before She married him.
In the Boston Directory of 1889 the pco.
pie OF color arc in Il separate list. ColOrcd
folks arc not 50 proud now, and permit
Their names to appear among those Of the
plain people.
The man who m0urnS over the wantuu
destruction Of our forests does not hesitate
to fill his pockets with graiui,ous tooth
picks at the restaurant after eating Il hasty
plate Of soup.
An exchange says that recently n New
York policeman got drunk on duty. We
did not know that New York policemen
were fond enough of duty to become in
toXicatcd with it.
1t isn't always to he taken for granted
that Il man is extra devotional because his
trousers bag at the knees, any more than il
is to be assumed than a woman's pic,y can
be gagged by the amount of gilt upon her
prayer.book.
NO" said a young man, II don't like
ilashy ncckticS, but | have worn them since
the beginning of the silk quilt craze. You
sec, the girls beg the ties, and that makes
np~rtonpn