Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1887-03-16
Mr.. AND MRS. BOWSER.
LONG SUFFERING WIFE ArRs HER rRoU.
DLEs IN THE DETROIT ssFREE PRESS -

LONG SUFFERING WIFE ArRs HER rRoU
i DLEs IN TIE DETROIT "FREE PRESS J."
"Whst dye think - exclaimed Mr.. Bow.
ser as he rushed into the sitting resm with
out taking time to leavs bis hat and over
coat on the hall rack.
"Some ofour relations dead %
Relations? Nav Mrs. Bowser, for the
past two or three weeks have been prepar-
Ing surprise for you-a great surprise
How much milk do we use around this
house daily 2'
Three quarts of milk and pint OF
cream"
Exactly, Mrs. Browser, exactly. And
the cost is twenty-four cents. You call it
milk, but what is it? A compound OF
chalk and water, which must kill us inside
of five years.
men p
EXACTLY, Mrs. Brewser. I am going to
be my own milkman after this ?''
"Yen aren't going to-to-'
Eyes, Pm going to buy COW p
"How foolish! You might just as we'll go
| and buy us a flock of sheep!''
"Mrs. Bnwser, Pm going to buy COW!
That ends it. l am not going to pay 81 6S
week for chalk and water when I can keep
COW on seven.y.ive cents week and have
from ten to fourteen quarts of pure milk
daily"
''But you always get cheated on such
tbings.''
s'Do 1? That's all you know about it =
When don't make twenty five per cent.
profit | want to be kicked. A COW will be
the best paying investment we ever made.
just figure for yourself: There are twelve
quarts of rich milk per day at six cents per
quart That's seventy-twe cents per day,
Or $5 04 per week. Take out seventy. five
cents as the cost of her keeping and you
have clear profit of 81 30. Is that a
swindls? We cau't use over four quarts
per day, and can therefore sell eight to the
neighbors. just speak to Green and Smiths
folks, will you?''
'Mr. Bowser, don't you remember onr
|pg?'
Pig! pig! What has Durham COW got
to do with a short-horn pig? And, besides,
ynur own base conduct killed that animal
Mrs Bowser, dent you dare attempt any
tricks on my COW! l don't want scandal,
but III divorce you if you ever look cross
eyed at her =
"Well, we'll see how you'll come ont"
"Oh, yes.throw cold water on my efforts
to give you all the comforts of life! It's a
wonder to me that don't get discouraged
aud go to the gutter, as many good man
has'
Early the ne xt morning woman appear
ed with cow and u calf, having them tied
behind her wagon. The calf was tied as
well as the COW, and noticed that it SEEM
ed to oe doing its best to keep away from
her. This seemed so singular That [ went
tn the back door to speak to Mr.. Bowser
about it, but he promptly called to me-
"Get back there! Do you want to get
this COW all excited and her blood heated
up?"
lie paid for his new milch COW and placed
cow aud calf in the barn, and after giving
them an hour to quiet down he came IN fer
NE. After looking the auimals over ask
ed:
Mr. Bowser. how old is that calf?'
'Three weeks.'
''And the COW is it's mother ?''
"IL's mother You don't think she's its
uncle OF grandfather, do you? You must
be getting soft in the head -
DO y"n notice that she won't own il?
See there! She's ready to cripple it if it
comes near ~
Mrs. B,wser, you go in and attend to
your gossip and that wall-eyed baby, and
don't you dare to come near this barn
again You have become cross-eyed and
soft headed ~
went in, but two hours later, when he
had butcher up to buy the calf, l slipped
out and heard the man cay:
That's the way of it, Bowser That
isn't her calf any more than you are Queen
Victeria's brother. The COW may be all
right, however, she looks like a good milk
era
The calf was driven away, and Mr.. Bow
ser put IN the afternoon at making a milk
stool and fixing buttons on the COW s horns
After suprer he went out and MIXED, and
as he brought in pail even full he set it
On the kitchen table with the complacent
remark:
might have got six quarts more, but
got tired"
He made great ado about drinking three
glasses for supper, and the cook was sent
around tho neighborhoad to drum up Gus
tsners. He held me in lofty contempt fer
awhile, but finally melted enough to inquire:
'Well, did you taste any chalk in thai p
mo, but did you observe that it had an
old taste ?'
"W-what do you wan:?''
eff that calf didn't belong to her what is
the inference?''
He rose up, turned as white as sheet,
and after very great effort managed to
say:
''The inference is that you don't know
enough to come in when it rains! Mrs.
Bowser, you killed off my hens. and you
CAUSED the deaih of my pig! Take care
how yon cnnspire with my COW! There is
a limit to which human being CAN bs push
ed!'
Nothing further was said until next morn
ing. when the qaantity Of milk dropped efi
To four quarts. / began to express wonder
and amazement, but Mr.. Bswser interrupt.
ed me with:
81 didn't expect even that much this
morning She is grievng for her calf"
The quantity at night was the same, aud
Mr.. Biwser's able brow were a look of
anxiety. At the end of week the guam
tiiy had fallen to three quarts at a milking,
even with Mr.. Bowser feeding ten pounds
of meal per day. Then 1 ventured to OBJ
serve:
'Mr Bowser, 1 was satisfied from the
first that you had been ewinded. That calf
new"
''Oh. you were? Well. wasn't! She's
grieved for that calf until her milk is near
Iy gone. but I'll fat her for beef and get at
least $40 more than she cost me.'
We kept the beast from March to Sep
tember. She yielded up about SO worth
Of milk which no one liked to use and she
cost $50 ter fodder. Her first cost. excln-
sive of the calf, was $42 Mr. b ,wser sold
her to II suburban butcher for $25. and on
the evening the trade WIS concluded and
we sat in the cleaning. l remarked:
well. it hardly paid Us to buy COW"
''It didn't, Ell I expected yeu'd be
flineing ont some insult pretty so@n! Why
didn't it pay us? Who coaxed me iute
Buying her? Vino did her malicious best
t, drive that COW into her grave! Mrs
Bnwser. just wish YOU had some husbands
to live with! You'd fird Yourself under the
table before your old Mother Hubbard could
flop twice y
Keep sweet your breath-if maid or wife,
Or o,d or young, or large or small,
If you have any hope in lfe.-
Ifyou have any friends at all.
Keep sweet your breath-and heed the warn
Ing.
Use SOZODONT each night and morning!