Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1887-02-04
THEATRICAL NUISANCES.
Some Things That Are Quite as Oh.
jectIOnaele as FALL Hats.

[Alex Sweet in Harpers for February.l
The principal reason why there is such
large attendance at the theaters is that on
the stage villainy is punished and virtue is
adequately rewarded, which is seldom the
case in real life. Most people are lovers of
justice and are willing to pay money to see it
carried out, even if it is only on the stage.
One day last week, being desirous of see
ing villain punished, went early to the
theater and got very nice seat in the or
chestra. had an unobstructed view of the
stage. Then the orchestra, like candidate
on election day. began gradually to fill up
Then my trouble began, and as is usually the
case, there was woman at the bottom of it.
My trouble was big, tall hat, the ostrich
feather on the top of which seemed to tickle
the big chandelier. There was a woman at
the bottom of this hat, and she sat right in
front of me and obstructed my view of the
middle of the stage, where the villain as
general thing gives up the ghost.
was congratulating myself with the hope
that the villain might possibly perish miser-
ably on the side of the stage, and I'd have
chance to eloat over him, when another fe-
male came in and sat alongside of the one
already mentioned. She had on hat that
had flower garden on the roof; 1t closed
out entirely the view on the left Unless
extreme right my chances of seeing him
draw his last breath were very slim.
1 saw very little of what was happening
during the first act. There was man sit
ting next to me-. I think he was from the
West When the curtain went down he
went out suffering with rage, the hats hav-
ing obstructed his view too. He must have
been a medium, tor he had a spirit call be-
tween each act. AS he passed out he almost
knocked the tall woman's hat off with his
elbow, and he trod on my shoes besides.
When he came back he almost knocked the
other hat off and walked about some more
on my corns. The ladies looked around at
him, but he never quailed; such is the stim-
ulating effect of Glove.
He was in talkative mood, and turning
to me he said in whiskey-laden whisper,
''I wish the men in the theaters would put
on their tall hats just to see how the women
would like it."
ssI have read,n replied, "that some gen
ius has invented theater hat that shuts up,
the same to be worn by ladies'"
ga tall ladies' theater hat that shuts down
would answer the purpose BETTER" said he.
'I was reading piece in the paper the other
day that in Corea women wear hats in and
out of doors which vary in height from
three to six feet, and that there has not been
theatrical performance in Corea for the last
four years. don't wonder at it, continued
the inebriate, winking at me.
think the ladies in front of us must have
overheard our conversation, for one said to
the other, evidently talking at us, cts a
pity some genius can't invent something that
will hold man in his seat between the acts. !"
eyes" replied the other lady; "but in
stead of hat that can be shut up in the
theater, man who could be shut up would
be very desirable"
The inebriate WINGED little and said to
me, can eminent scientist attributes the ex-
traordinary longevity of a woman who died
in Boston at the age of one hundred and
fourteen to the fact that she never wore 3
high hat in theater."
One of the tall hats bobbed about indig-
nantly as the owner remarked, "The vigor-
ous health of Philadelphia man, now in
his one hundredth year, is due to the fact
that he never went out between the acts to
make astronomical observation through q
glass and came back with a breath strong
enough to draw full house."
"There is q consolation" remarked the
man from the West, fin case there is a fire;
the woman with q big hat will have it
jammed down over her eyes, and she Will
never get out alive"
The woman with the flower garden on the
| dome of her hat was silent for a moment and
| then she said, "The man who keeps ms
mouth shut never let's the public know Wna1
an ignoramus he is"
| She had the last word, for the western
man had temporarily exhausted his ammunl-
ton. He made no Ily. There were seye-
raj people in our immediate vicinity VINO
| made uncomplimentary remarks ABOUT other
Yeonla who talk too much in the theater.
One suggested that some people who brought
| their mouths with them to the tneater snoulo
be Compelled to leave them outside and get a
| check fer them, as is done with umbrellas at
the art gallery.
| T left the theater before the performance
was over. 1 didn't get to see the stage at all
/ was dazed by the conversation of the
western man, and limp yet from the inju'
ries nv toes sustained by his walking about
| on them.
Is there no way to suppress the three grea
theatrical nuisances, viz: tall hats, irrele
want conversation and going out between thu
| aotsa