Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1887-08-19

was struck by ball and instantly killed
The umpire promptly declared the bird
out on fly, and, strange to say, nobody
kicked against the decision. Even the
hawk didn't.
A New Yorker is accused of selling
'adulterated ice" Whsre is this adultera-
ton abuse going to stop, anyhow? Il is
supposed the New York dealer put cheap
water in his ice and set it out to freeze
when the temperature was not cold
enough.
A man in Mississippi has beard over
six feet In length. Americans have the
reputation of being recklessly extrava
CANT and here is striking example.
what business has a man wasting six
feet of human hair when thousands of
women are positively pining to death
for new switches!
II was the last man on the field at
Chickamauga," said the old soldier proud
ly.
THAT so?" asked the host. Retired
like wounded lion, ehs"
"Not exactly that" said the veteran.
The fight had been over two weeks be-
fore l got there"
First saleslady-
Second saleslady-i am here.
Are you busy"
where is the other saleslady?"
she has not come in yet What do
you want?"
Il went some one to go and ask the
lady cashier if she can change 500 bill
for woman"
Omaha man Tin Paris DO you mean
to say you do not admire American Wo-
men!
Frenchmah-They are rather pretty to
look at, but | do not like their voices.
"What is the matter with them?"
"fheir voices are harsh"
ooh, well, you probably heard some
of them talking to each otleC about some
other woman"
A Springfield (Mass) clergyman, read
ing an item which stated that a couple
desiring to get married called at the
houses of ten ministers before they could
hnd one to marry them, suggests that the
daily papers should run list of minis
! tiers at home" during the vacation season
under the head, "A Guide to Wayfarers
in Pursuit of Connubial bliss"
First Omaha Girl-Dear me! the paper
says Miss Ramsey, a girl of 20, who goes
| to Cambridge University, beat all the
male students at The recent examina-
! tions.
Second Omaha Girl-Well, well! Took
all the prizes?
81 suppose So"
"Poor girl! She must be terrible home
| ly to be so smart"
First Omaha Man Gust back from a
| trip)-i just tell you New York is the
! queerest place I ever saw. All sorts of
wonderful things happen there.
| Second Omaha MAXWELL, let's hear
one of them.
''Why, the night 1 got there man was
held up by footpads-"
Get out. That's nothing strange"
wait till [ get through. And the foot
| pads were arrested"
Officer-The charge against this man
is stealing three coats from a boarding
house, this noon.
| Magistrate how could he get away
without being seen with all that proper
/ ty?
"He put them al! on and wore them"
Glow far?"
! about six squares, when l caught
him."
Three coats six squares; thermometer
LOG in the shade. Seems to me he's been
| punished enough.
Judge-You are charged With being a
vag rant. Now tell your story, quick.
! Prisoner am no vagrant, your honor
| am an honest truckman.
Judge-What is that?
| Prisoner-A truckman is sort of tie
inspector who is obliged to ride on the
| L
| frequently kicks him off. It's hard life.
| Judge-So it is. You need rest. Thirty
days.
! Omaha Deacon-See here, there mast
have been something the matter with
| that cake you furnished for our little
picnic. Ny children are half sick.
Omaha Baker-That cake was all right
when it left here. What kind of paper
did you wrap it inf Green paper?"
'No, l was in too much of a hurry to
look for paper and just put the cake In
the contribution box and carried it that
way"
mo wonder they are sick. You should
never put cake in things that are used
for copper"
1t is maddening to read of the booms
IN real estate that are springing up con-
tlnually in far away western towns,
which have nothing whatever recommend
them but a little, narrow minded climate
that is the sane to-day, tomorrow and
forever. If climate is the one thing
peedful for the Inauguration of a boom,
what's the matter with Massachusetts?
She has alimates enough, scores of them
weekly, and sometimes half a dozen of
them inside twenty -four hears. Here's
the place to cultivate booms. Don't go
elzewhere. Patronize home industries,
Oat of the diversity of climate that we
can give at the old stand there's no rea-
son why everybody shouldn't be accom-
modated.
American father-Yes, have son,
but he is in Europe
Old-time patriot beg your pardon,
sir, but ii is shame for an American
youth, born in land of liberty, the inner
itoI of freedom, bequeathed to him by
dying ancestors on the battlefelds of the
Revolution, to fritter away his best years
in France.
II seRt him there to learn a trade. The
apprentice system is no longer allowed in
this country, you know"
Il see; but he will come back with no
knowledge of American institutions"
$50 much the better. Then he can
pass himself off as foreign born citizen
and get elected to an Office"