The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-09-02
BRIGHT BITS.

The favorite hymn of the pious electrician:
u m going home TO dynamo. Boston Tran
script.
,JoNEs-The Century is mighty fine paper,
eh, Topper!
Topper (sadly)-.Yes, but you should have seen
II before the war.--LUe.
a MAN recently cut one of his ROSTERS wings
and then gracefully ted his neShbors that the
bird could not get into his garden on account of
the defective fiew.-HarperS Bozdr.
A PHILADELPHIA PAPER publishes plans of the
Thistle. marked Fig. and Fig. =, in utter
disregard OF the saying of the Scriptures that
figs have nothing to do with thistles. Boston
Globe.
THAT is cool, observed Splkins, as the plum
ber's bill for S16 for stopping leak was handed
to him.
1T may be Goa replied the man with the
bill, but it is not collected Pittsbur5 CIrO'li
Gle.
WHAT would the modern and fashionable
young man and young woman do if they We're
TO marry without money on one or both sides !?
Imagine couple setting up housekeeping ON a
buncn of cigarettes ana apug dog !-LotceH Cftt-
zen.
AN OHIO GIRL advertises that she would like
to exchange a copy OF George Eliot's ''Theo-
phrastus Such iol TWO leaves OF fresh bakers
bread or l0c worth of chewing gum. And that
isn't the worst of it; she finds no takers.-Er-
change.
ZONE boat and one boat make two boats, ~
said Duluth kindergarten teacher as she
pointed to the harbor. And after thinking .
moment one of the pupils asked: Don't one
foghorn and one foghorn make toot two!'-E .c-
change.
"WHEN you consider what Ives was six years
ago, it is incomprehensble that he should have
become so fast, remarked the snake editor.
What was he?" asked the horse editor
"a messenger boy. - PittSbulg Chronicle
Telegraph.
shoes What keeps you so longI
Matilda-Ise acoming, mum. / heard you
call de fust time and thought ter save time I'd
jess button 'em up for you before yon puts em
on.-Teras Stftif,gS.
INA SALON: An old blind diplomat to lady sit
ting next to him-Your neighbor has handsome
teeth, hasn't shef
Yes; but how do you know this?"
Because she's been laughing for the last
hour "-Puris Figaro.
WORTH makes the man and want of it the fell
So sang one Pope, q bard of former days.
Worth makes the woman now, and makes the
fellow
Want gold in heaps, if he her tailor" pays,
A WASHINGTON paper says that Worth is
building sunptuouS gowns for Mrs. Cleveland's
next Washington season." This is not exactly
in the line of-but Mrs. Cleveland is a great deal
prettier th9n Jefferson ever was, and who cares
for Jetfersonian simplicity any way?-Chicdgo
Times
''WHERE do you get this bread?" asked
fastidious man of one of the darkes who peddle
chicken sandwiches in front of the Monmouth
Park race tracky
AT de bakers, sab, - replied the man in evil
dent alarm; but TO the Lawd's sake don't ak
me whar gifts de chickuns. "-NetC York Sun.
IRATE Old Father understand, Mr.. Lytle-
cash, that you are an expert base ball player.
Mr. l.. (diffidently)- rather think am.
l. o. FL have never witnessed a game, nor
4 fCl ht1tn hnya my dot To
bed, and il is midnigI, and the front door is
open, suppose you crafty me by making your
very quickest home run.-Pittsburg Bulletin.
WAITER-Anything mo-, sab?
Guest-Yes; bring me a-(winks)-you know
(winks).
Waiter-Can't do it, sab; dis am a probishun
town, sab, N you're Stranger.
Guest-What OF itY
Waiter-De boss says winks don't count for
muffin onless wes 'quainted wild 'em.-Harper's
Weekly.