News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-02-24
BOWSER'S EXPERIENCE.
OR THE STORY OF A WOMAN AND A
PIG.
The rIan who Didn't Know Whether Julius
Caesar was a BIacks:.I.h or an Alder
from the Detroit Free Press.l


''Mrs. Bowser, why don't we keep
pig?'
for one, and don't want the nuisance.
owe have plenty of room for a pen
1 can make one in half day, and W
might as we'll raise our own pork as t.
buy it. The kitchen stuff you give ava.
would fatten three pigs"
l talked and argued, but it was n,
use l brought up our poor success will
hens, but he choked me off with:
Mrs. Bowser, perhaps you MAJ no
know the difference between a lean, old
heart broken hen and choice pig, bu
| do, and we shall keep pig"
''Well. don ask me to bother with it.
''No one intended to! On the con
trary l hope you will keep as far ava,
from him as possible You can also bu,
your own pork chops next winter
During the next three days Mr.. Bow
ser was pig-hunting and pen building
and at length terrible squeezing in tn,
alley informed me that his purchase hat
been made l went out after bit an(
found a thin, cadaverous, wild eyed
beast, weighing about fifty pounds, il
the pen He uttered a "Wootp anC
made spIing at me as l looked over
and Mr.. Bowser came from the door anC
reared out
"What are you doing there Do you
want TO scare that pig to DEATH"
was simply looking at him."
s'Wen You simply keep away TO
awhile! That pig is strange. He's go
to have time to look around. Any ont
knowing bran from broomstiks wouldnr
go rushing up to the mig pen like that p
"What breed is he?"
"Shorthorn, of course. You don't
think I'd fool away my time on com
mon pig, do you?"
"Why, l never heard of a shorthorr
pig before"
''Oh, you didn't! There are a great
many things you never heard of, Mrs.
Eowser, and probably never will"
''He's very thin"
"Thini OF course he is If he was
fat he couldn't hold half our kitchen
stuff
"Just here him take onr'
go away with you! It's your voice
that excites him! Mrs. Bowser, if that
pig bursts blood vessel you will be to
blame for it, and it will cost you So in
cashr'
Invent into the house and the pig
seemed more quiet. Mr.. Bowser fed
him corn, potatoes, apples, sw1ll, cold
orange and a banana When he came
in he rubbed his hands and chuckled:
Seems almost like being on a farm
again! fought never to have been any
thing but farmer"
We had scarcely finished supper whe I
the pig began to squeal. Mr.. Bowser
went out and walked seven times around
the pen without being able to find any
thing wrong. The pig had good bed
and an abundance of food, but he stood
in the middle of the pen and kept up a
doleful tquealing, aud it was not until
Mr.. Bowser knocked him down with a
fence picket that we got an interval of
rest. He sQuealed from s to 8 without
a break, and when Mr. Bowser came
home at the latter hour, he punched him
with hoe handle and secured another
respite. We had just got to bed when
the dOleful music began again.
'He's the uneasiest pig l ever saw"
ventured to observe. ''and | wonder
you didn't get some other breed"
'NIrs. Bowser, did you ever own pig,
shoat or hog in all your life?''
"No."
"Then don't give me any more talk I!
When 1 want your advice will ask for
it,"
But is he to squeal all night?"
eff he wants to-"
think he did. He got little hoarse
about O'Clock in the morning, hut he
managed to make his voice heard all the
same. Mr.. Bowser went out and fed
him cut loaf sugar and some Saratoga
potatoes and for an hour or two stood
in the corner of the pen and seemed bur
led in reflection. Then he suddenly
in the back yard and rooted
up six dollars worth of new sodding
and two beds of flowers, and the cook
and | had no sooner got him into the
pen than he began squealing again
During the afternoon Mr.. BOwser re
NAMED home and worked the fence
picket racket so vigorously that by night
the pig got it into his head that the less
he was heard from the better.
The next day the animal got out twice.
and it didn't take but twelve of the
neighbors to get him back. After the
first night and from that to the night of
his death, he rested one hour and squeal-
ed the next as regularly as clockwork
The day he didn't get out of the pen was
3 dull day in our house. The night we
didn't wish him dead and threaten to
murder him in the morning was q rare
Nv,
to Mr.. Bowser:
81 believe that man cheated you on
the pig. | never saw an animal act as
he does"
"Cheated mel Oh, yes, I've lived in
this world forty years to be taken
in by farmer who doesn't know whether
Julius Cesar was a blacksmith or an Al
dermann'
By and bye the pig got his appetite,
and pail of swill was only mouthful
for him. Mr. Bowser sent up corn and
meal and Buffalo feed and several other
sorts but the more we mixed the more
the pig ate, and the more he ate the
thinner he got. 1t somehow got out
that we had shorthorn pig, and after
hearing hundreds of comments from peo-
pie who sneaked up the alley to sec the
l said to Mr.. Bowser:
II can't find anything in the agricul-
,ural papers about shorthorned pigs"
ooh, you can't! Did you find any
hing about slip-shod woman gong
around the house with her mouth full of
lairpins and her ears open to catch all
he gossip?'
That was the last time ever men
Toned the pig to him. slipped out to
he pen now and then and saw that the
Deast was growing thinner and hungrier
nd more wild-eyed, and my ears told
ne that his squeals had become four
ones sharper. The other morning as we
at down to breakfast the cook announc-
ID that the shorthorn was corpse.
&C" hat deadr' shouted MI Bowser.
Yes, sir.n
"Then, Mrs. Bowser, you can counter
nand that order for the cloak! You
we're determined from the outset to drive
hat pig to death. and you have finally
if %