The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-06-16
Elisha and the Bears.

For some weeks past Shinbone
Smallman and Hardluck johnson have
engaged in an enmity which bade fare
to end in bloodshed 1t came about
through a dispute on a biblical ques-
| ton. Shinbone said that he didn't be-
lleve any bears came out and ate up
the children who shouted after Elisha.
Hardluck replied that any man who
| disputed the statement was either fool
or an atheist. and thus the gulf open
ed. Several mutual friends have
sought to arbitrate, but Shinbone was
/ firm and Hardluck was determined.
They ignored each others existence,
and their wives and children made
faces at each other over the fence. 1t
had been whispered around all the
week that Brother Gardner would
bring about a reconciliation at the
Saturday night session, and every face
in the hall was turned toward him as
/ he arose and said:
How much we know dat we doan'
know tall and kin nebber find out,
| De average man will bet mo- money
on his ignorance dan on his true know
! ledge, an he will fight for lie as soon
as de troof. | see Brudders Smallman
an Johnson back dar by de fluted
column. Boafe of EN- will please
retrograde to the front"
The two gentlemen named indulged
in two magnificent starts Of surprise,
| gritted their teeth at each ther, and
advanced to the presiden S desk in
single file.
..Shinbone, 4" said Brother Gardner,
when they stood before him, ''do you
| believe de bars ate up de chil'en dat
followed Lisha?"
mo, sab"
why doan' you?"
''Kase l doan'."
'.Hardluck, do you believe de bars
ate the chilIen up?"
Yes, sab"
why do you believe it?"
'Kase | do"
Il expected dis was de case. Fools
an bigots believe bekase dey believe.
| 1t hain't bekase dey have sense an rea-
son on der side, but simply bekase dey
have made up DER minds to a sartin
| thing. One of you believe de bars ate
de chilIen bekase you've heard so. De
odder one believe it bekase he didn't
see it done. Now, dis ere fulishness
has got to stop 1t has cot to stop
| right yere an now! Hold out yer
paws to each odder. Now shake. Now
! 90 an s0t down, an when YOU 90
home arter de meetin tell yer wives
dat de match has bin declared off an
| de country am safe. Bylaw 6,491 for
bids any disputes on relIgus subjeks.
! Yoa have laid yerselvcs liable to fine
of $3.50 cash, and if you don't walk
powerful straight fur de mex six
months sunthin viii happen to upset
! yer peace of mind"
| The two members returned to their
seats and began to smile and whisper
TO each other and inside of three min
utes had traded jack-knives and ey-
! changed gum.
Il should like to ask de char" said
| Rev Penstock, as he arose, If he
meant to use de expreshun he did of:
Please retrograde to de front?'"
DE char did sah!"
''Yes-um-yes Retrograde to de
| 'front.'
Oats what said, sab, an dc char
| meant it. If de char had meant for
'em to disrupt 10 de rear he would
have said SO. What am de pint you
wish to raisc?'
Dat de eXpreshun was not classic
ally nor dramatically correct"
''Brudder Penstock you sot down,
an doan' you be ober TO minits sittin'
| dar! Dis club dOan' do business on De
classically or dramatically basis. We
seek to speak so plainly dat everybody
kin understan'. Bout de time we
orter have bin in college, bitin' off hull
hunks of wisdom from de branches OF
de tree of eddecashun, we was handlin'
de cotton hoe an workin' in de sugar
cane, an we isn't to blame fur it. Yes,
sab, sot right down, an stay sot, an
| de secretary Will enter a fine of $1,000
| agin YOU fur disturbin de harmony OF
= -. :. 2! -! ~.