The News-Herald. [volume] (Hillsboro, Highland Co., Ohio) 1886-1973, 1887-02-10
WHERE THE LAUGH COMES IN.


IT am twice as easy TO spend fifty cents
shillins Of borrowed money.-Brother Gard
nsr's ObseryatioNs
"AH, I see there 10 new star in Orion"
observed Mr.. Snaggs. ''Orion!" repeated
Mrs. Snaggs, ~ have never seen that play,
Think Td. Bls.
VINO says you can not reason with
womani You can reason with q woman.
And generally that il all the COED 1t will
do.-SomerptNe Journal
WE notice In q newspaper some verses
headed 1.-THE Seven Ages Of Woman"
After q woman Is thirty she abolishes the
other SIX Somervils Journal.
Two BOYS were in the post office TO-
gether. One Of them, pointing to q small
sign, said: That's what do when my
mother boxes my ears--letter box"
GRUNrErNa = " Landlord, your servants
are very much like time and tide" Land
lord (flsttered)- )-"Ah, indeed, sir! How
| is thati" Gruntling-" They wait on no
man."
A NEW York paper speaks Of q lady
pickpocket No lady picks any pocket but
her husbands, and IN cases Of this sort
usage has rendered such action proper
| Omaha Herald.
Foaa-" 80 you have twins down at your
house, have you Patr' O'Kelly-" Who
told ye we had twinsa 1ndade we have
not There is just wan boy an wan gurl. +"
| -Detroit Free Press.
| How are collections, doctorl" he
| asked Of young physician. "Slow."
"What's the troublei Money tightr'
mo; the trouble Is nobody owes me any
ing."-Hurper's Bdzar.
"THouaRr Clubs" are popular among
Eastern ladies. They meet and think and
don't say q word fer hours, until every
one Is wild to know what the others are
think about.-San francisco Alta.
A MAGAZINE asks; "What is true joyl''
True'joy Is what a woman feels when q
committee at q country fair declares that
her crazy-Quilt is prettier than all the as
sembled crazy-quilts Of her neighbors.
"PA," said Johnny, looking up from his
book, ''what does it mean to pile Osss on
PelionW "There, don't bother me now,"
replied pa; task your ma; she understands
all about millinery. "-Bos;on Transcript.
A sEAsoNABLp hint column says that
warm soapsuds is one Of the best insect
washes 1t In we'll to know this. Insects
lose half their unpleasantness when they
are kept nice and clean. Save your suds.-
LIFE.
"PA, have you got the hydrophobial''
mo, Berthe; what makes you ask that
question:" swell, heard ma say to-day
that you got awfully bitten when you
thought she had fortune in her owr
name "-Hdrper's Bazar.
WHAT is called q "seat'' in the New orl
Stock Exchange was sold recently for
s29OO0 but the man who bought it will
have to stand up all day and shout at the
top Of his voice in order to make q profit or
his Investment Baltimore American.
$50 OLD Bullion has absconded, hear, ,
observed Mrs. Snsggs. "Yes," replied Mr.
Snaggs, "and he left large deficit be
hind" "Did bet Why, heard he'd taker
along every thing he could lay his hand
on. Perhaps the deficit was too heavy t,
carry off. ."-7sd-Bih.
AN aggrieved individual thrust his heat
into the editorial sanctum and began hi
TRADE Of abuse: Base mlnionl'' mo,
said the editor, without looking up. ant
thinking that he recognized the voice Of th'
foreman Of the composing room, "leade,
nonpareil please. ."-Boston Post.
EXACT TEsrIMoNY.-Lawyer- Now, Un
Was one right after the otherl" Uncl
Zeke-" Yes, sah." Lawyer" Now, 70,
will swear that one didn't occur before tn,
otherl" Uncle Zeke-" Yes, sab, deed
will was dar an heard 'em. It'd Bit
"Ir you continue thisovagabond life, !
sternly remarked an old farmer to tramp
'you will find yourself in the tolls.
"Don't use that dreadful word" said tn
tramp, with shudder Of disgust "Wha
, words" "Tolls.