The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1887-05-28
HUMOROUS.

pied the lauy Indignantly, rs coni'nb
out
Deacon 1t pains me, Mr.. Boggs, TO
see you coming out OF a barroom.
Boggs All right. deacon Anything
to save your feelin's. I'll 60 right In
again.--1he Ju6iye.
sMamma,v said Bobby. al know
why burned child breads the fire.
"Why?" asked mamma. "Because
when he gets burned once the burn
makes him smart enough not TO 80
near the stove again"
ado you think" said lady 70 her
friend, Mrs. s, that II you were TO be
taken away your husband would ever
marry AGAIN." 40. 1 suppose he
would" was the reply. 81 am his
fourth wife, you know
Lady (ready for church, My dear,
are the book stores open to-day
want a Book of Common Prayer.
Husband Whose Sunday morning
headache makes him absent mindedl
Try the side door.-Neso York Sun.
"Have yon Hours of Idleness'
heref" the maiden asked, as she saun-
tered into the second hand book store.
mo, we haven't miss" said the youth
behind the counter 1.-The boss is an
old skiniiint, and when we amt doing
any business he keeps Us busting the
books. "-Bosfon Courier.
A crowded horse ear. Enter Mrs.
Mulcahey, with jug. Mr.. Mahoney,
who Is seated, facetiously-Wud
hould the whisky fur yes, Mistress
Mubcahey? Mrs. NJ with whitening
sarcasm Thank yez kindly. sor, but
ye have all We can hould now, I'm
thinking.-Aitany Argus.
Passenger But tell you am con.
nected with the road. Conductor
Tha. makes no difference. Passenger
II am vice president OF the company.
Conductor Law is very positive
on that point IL exempts only em.
ployes. You are an officer. Come,
pay your fare or get of the train"
HE:
Ny first wife was my pet
Much better she than you,
Her death much regret
SHE:
On, regret it, too.
"Now, then. said the ole gentleman,
as he returned his slipper 10 his foot
after correcting Bobby for a serious
misdemeanor. "do you think you will
ever do that again, young manF
Bobby looked very thoughtful for q
moment. and then said: "Well, | don't
believe will pa, while the o.eness
lasts"
"Dc YOU know, my friend" said a
very solemn political individual, THAI
when ,on solemnly drop that snow
white ballot from your fingers II floats
down in rythmie grace and settles the
destinies OF nation.' ''No. sir,
don't" replied the impecunious voter
"but / know when l drop IL into the
box it settles my bargain with The
Dimmecratic boss o. this ere ward. -.
Hartford Post
Father --Here you have been mar
ried four weeks, and almost every da,
YOU come 10 me with complaints abou
your husband. You ought 10 b'
ashamed OF Yourself daughter
"Bnt he fights me all the time.
Fa,her-"Foolish child Haven't YOU
mother and me bsen fighting every
day Tor thirty years. and don't we &c
along peaceably and quietly with eae.
other?''-- Exchange.
Did she magnetic,
Psychologist,
Or mesmerizc me, which,
Is she human
And woman.
Or, as / think, a witchf
Though we're married.
Love has tarried,
And my wife still works her SPELL
magician
That's her mission
IL tbs witchcraft, Il Is well.
Il Boston Globe.
A Busy Time.
Stranger (to boy in newspaper Office
lis The publisher Inf
Boy--Yes. sir, but he's busy swear
ing 10 the circulation.
Stranger-Well, Is the editor INF
Boy--Yes. sir; he's up stairs. swear
In at the circulation.--Ntto York Sun
where They Went
.Jinks-Yo on Lelieve ST. Patrick drov
the snakes from Irelands
Mike-Yis, sor.
Jnks-Now just look here moment
Where could he have driven them 20
Mike-Bedad it's meself that bee
A.. l~xua thin, tptn ths. trhste