The Manning times. [volume] (Manning, Clarendon County, S.C.) 1884-current, 1887-09-28
HUMOR.

HUMOR.
A 1opuLAR military order Break
ranks
4 Dare dced-The cremation OF
Jeanne.
A RECEIVING teller-A gossiping
woman.
ArALL thrown in a bce-liae is not
inappropr;atcly called a singer.
AN ounce of home rule in Ireland
would be worth pound OF revolution.
THE man who best enjoys success
is him who has drank the dregs OF
failure.
WHEN you embrace your pretty
cousin can she be called a strained re-
lation?
THERE are very few brass bands n
a military parade that can play as many
airs as the drum-major puts on.
THE surest way for swt ct girl erad'l-
ates to go into print is to wear calico
dresses on commencement day.
Mr.. H.-Can you play any tunes yet
on your new piano, Bessie? Eessie-
On, yes; I have just learned "uayly
the cuSpador.
IN DAYS agone, when a schoolboy was
punished by being made 20 sit with the
girls, there was no compla ut of over
crowding in our common schools.
AsToX1sHED father-in-law-"Want &
pension! What in thunder do you
mean?" Son-in-law-"Why, amt de-
pendent on you for support? Well, I
want to be independent-that'S all"-
PUcE.
F1FTY-FoUn whisky TASKS were found
in the hall after the adjournment OF
the Idaho Legislature. 1t was TINS
possible to ascertain the exact number
of those who attended the last session.
-N,ay H0rc1t Ncws.
HANDLING Bees is headline in
an exchange. That's the suf. They
ought to have Lad handles put on
them wears ago, hen fellow ct.uld
pick them up without getting their
blamed old stinScr jaml"ed into him
every time.-DaasuiUe 81. e:e.
SAID Captious. pointing t. a sign
which read, Umbrellas repaired and
recovered" "There is palpab!e lie. "
why? How do you make that OFT?
asked Senex. well, umbrellas may
be repaired, perhaps, but they are
never recovered. d.s-1ie.cas .Siftiags.
4 LETTER has just been disentomhai
in Pompe:i, just where tie district
,lessenger-boy lost it 100000 yea-s
ago The boy IS supp sed to be still
alive, and slowly wandering along in
the direction of the house at which the
letter was to be deli. ered.-iau'd tte
~TuREE arts for the ministerto learn
expression, compression, impress
sion" So speaks the Christian EcI-
istcr. We would add suppression.
Happy the minister who does not fear
to prUne his sermons, as wise garden
ers do their vines. York Oh
Se1'cer.
~RErBES,7 said Mrs. Stubs, laying
down the evening paper, what's mean
by optimism?" "Uptimism?' "l,s.
The paper says that optimism is not q
characteristic of the molern age"
Optimism. Hannah, is a disease OF
the eye; an you'll git it the fust thing
YOU know, if YOU keep on q readin' that
fine print.
OMAN, dame-Of ell things! Mr..
Blank, the dry goods man, has bought
that beautiful house across the way.
Omaha mantle can we'll afford TO.
He is worth million. why, who left
it to him?" Nobody. He made it in
his business" Il don't see how. He's
always selling goods below cost. -
omaha World.
AGAIN the wise man steps to the
front. He SAYS: If man empties his
purse into his head no man can take it
from him." He does put it there some
times, emptving it in BY the way OF
his neck, and the wise man is right for
once; next morning no living man
could take that head away from him.
Ey'r halidamc, Sir Grammercy, / good
soo:h DO we believe the wise man has
been there himself. Whence else this
boollv lore ?-BttTdrtte.
i wELL-KNowN firm advertises "ar-
tstic gas fixtures" We have one of
the beggars down in the cellar. It's
the artfulest thing out of ia !, and how
it managed to escape Indictment with
the rest of the hoodlers has always
been a mystery to the consumer ever
since it began 10 say, "Twice two IS
lie, and three to carry makes eleven;
put down seventeen Artistic? It
does it with an easy grace and an hon
es. face that would deceive the very
elect Burdette.