The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-06-20
BRIGHT BITS.

THE analyst says that canned goods should
be eaten the day they are opened Is it possible
the day before - Philadelphia Call
TEAcHER-The wisest man that ever lived said:
There is nothing new under the sun"
Little Boy enthusiastically Iii bet they
never had baby at his house.-Nctc York
Ledger.
A FRENCH ENGINEER, after series of expert
ments with PIE baked by a v aSSar College girl,
now announces that he believes the project of
/ tunneling the Rocky Mountains is entirely prac
ticable.-St Louis Magazine
a PROVIDENCE MAN astonished his friends one
day last week by saying that he was consider
ably interested in flowers and intended that day
TO plant some Christian anthems" He meant
chrysanthemums.- Providence Journal.
THE man who's on theocean
And seasick in his berth
Amid the storms commotion,
Is the man who wants the earth.
4f Boston Courier
JONES (who has been Interrupted in telling a
long story by Smiths sudden departure(-By
the way, old man, have quite forgotten what
was telling you the other day.
Smith gratefully -Thanks.--NeU York En-
press.
A SCIENTIFIC WRITER tells how water can be
boiled i'll sheet of writing paper. We don't
doubt. We have known a man to write few
lines on sheet of writing paper that kept him
in hot water for three years Christian at
Work.
ION, muffs are entirely out of use now!''
observed the high school girl in discussion
with Amy. s
Deed they amt, Mildredr' replied Jimmy,
who overheard the remark; you ought to go to
base ball game. "-Pittsbur9 Chronicle.
HAVE you heard the sad misfortune that has
befallen our friend Maieryn
mo. What was the matter? Why only last
night he Joined US at supper, well and hearty as
usual!''
'Yes, and to-day, only six hours afterward,
he was married! Madgebttrger Zeititng.
A BOSS said to a candidate for the nomination:
Let us dine together
You do me very great honor said the
candidate for the nomination eagerly rand
gladly adopt the suggestion. will be the host "
IL have planned il differently said the boss,
dinner. San francisco Examiner.
CLEAR-EYED, clear Drained,
At all things delft,
Success he gained
And ne'er was left.
But turned to clay,
OF life bereft, Z
One frigid day =
He here was left.
~ Boston Courier.
PHILArTHRoPIsT-I am nearly dead I be-
lieye have tramped twenty miles to-day and
have had to almost run in order to get through
my laborS before night.
Citizen-I am nearly dead, too, and feel as if
I'd walked forty miles; utterly tagged out By
the way, what have youbeen doing?
Il am President of the Society for the Relief
of the Unemployed but Able-bodied Women.
What have you been doingsn =.
Il have been trying tohire servant CIR" -
Omaha World. -.,.r,-.
Il THINK I've got rather the meanest husband
in Detroit" exclaimed a little woman on the
car the other day. Her friend asked her to ex-
plain, and she continued: II found that he was
smoking soc. worth of cigars per day, and got
him to agree to give me as much pin-money per
week as the cigars cost He stuck to it one
week" t~s~- ''r
And then what?'' -.--
HE bought him clay pipe and a pound of
10c. smoking tobacco, and my income is cut
down to &c. week.-Det1Oit Free Press"