Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-03-11
a basket phmton that she could climb

set of teeth like your gold and rubber.
but she has got to gum it until her nose
is pushed into her forehead and her
face wrinkles like burnt boot She
never goes out but she don't dye her
hair as you do yours. but it looks like a
milkweed pod gone to seed. She has
to work n the kitchen, SO she gets no
nice toothpick shoes like yours. but
goes chumping around like q sheep in
a dry goods box"
Darn my skin if don't"
mo. you won't; you will just let her
work right along. and then you will
marry some high-nyer who will pull
every hair out of your head. and serve
you right too"
Professor, for mercy's sake. stop"
when you know. and | know, that
if Jour wife had chance TO rest, had
would be one of the handsomest women
in the town"
Il swan. believe il.
"And. old as she is. if you were to
get out the carriage next Sunday and
drive around with the colts, and tell her
YOU wanted her to 60 to meeting with
you. she would actually blush with
pleasure.
Blamed if don't do il"
Then, Monday. if you were TO tell
her you were going to hire girl, and
that she must sit in the sitting-room by
that new nickel-platcd coal stove and
work on that new silk dress you are
going to buy her
professor. that's She"
"And then hand her nice wallet
with steel clasps and with five new $50
notes in, and tell her to do her own
trading after this, because you have
got tired of looking after so much
money.
Il will. a sure as you live"
And then when the tear stands in
her eye and the same old blush comes
out that YOU thought was so nice when
you went on that teeter to Albany, if
you should kiss her"
1T all right, professor"
Then my friend, | would begin to
think she had made something by mar
rying a rich man.
You're right, old man
Then think you would no longer
have a miserable wife. Then you would
no longer want TO rent or sell the farm.
but would be showing the mother OF
your children how much you respected
her for her life of devotion. Then she
would know she was a partner in that
$50, 200. Then if YOU made your will
all right. and she had good rest, /
think she would some time be an ellig-
ible widow"
Think so, professor
IL know it. Woman is plant that
wants sunshine. You have been leav-
ing your wife in the shade too much.
She has lost her color. You have made
| her believe she is an old woman. She
has given up all hope of admiration and
love, and is only waiting to die TO get
out of the way. Suppose you were
treated so?
w AbA' am hll
YES. know. Women pity you be-
cause you are tied TO such = sorry-look-
ing wife. Foolish old maids and silly
girls whisper behind your back what a
nice-looking man you are. and what a
stick of wife you have got and you
are just soft enough to wear tight boots
and oil what little hair you have left on
the top of your head and 60 around
figuring up how long before your wife
will die.
"Ssy, now, see here. professor, there
is limit to endurance. / am going"
II am coming down to see you next
| week; will it be all right?'
Yes, if YOU drop this kind of talk
and won't tell of my complaints about
my wife. | will try your medicine.
Would you stick to that part of Jour
prescription about the pocketbook and
$40 notes"
How much did you say you had
made together?"
Il cave. The dress will be all right,
and the pony and pheton will be
handy for the gals. Come down and
see US. old man. but not word about
this talk If you wasn't an old man
I'd" Tipping his Derby back on his
head and shaking the wrinkles out of
, his ligh. trousers be put his hands
= into his pockets and sauntcred away.
There" said |. "s one man who
has taken the only legs! and God-given
way Of getting rid Of a miserable wife. I"
!eiphtG Gail.