The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-04-25
BRIGHT BITS.

NAL HENRY PERKINS has the thanks Of the
editor for pair of brooches that have not been
worn to hurt. -BateSriIte (Ark.) Gazette.
Now, children" said a country mother who
was going out, be real good while I'm away,
and be sure you don't 90 near the churn, where
hid them nut cakes. ''-Detroit Free Press.
LABOR DAY, so called, is not to become legal
holiday this year, and those who desire to earn
their customary wages on the first Monday in
September will, therefore, not be forced to loaf.
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
EDITOR (having glanced at contributors joke
Where S the other?
Contributor-Oth er?-There isn't any other
Editor-Um [ thought Noah took two of
every kind into the ark.-Tjd BITS.
OLD GENTLEMAN sir! you are regular
fraud My hairs coming out as bad as ever.
This stuff isn't worth a continental
Barber-l didn't promise that it would keep
your hair from coming out | said it would pre-
serve your scalp. Your scalp's all there, isn't
tF-Hd1perS Bdzdr.
MINISTER lat the baptisnal font, to father)--
Name, please2
Father with impeachment in his speech(-Jo-
JO-JoSephine Smith
Minister unaware of the impediment)-
Joe Josephine Smith. | baptize thee, etc ICON
sternation of the amily).-Harper's Bdzar.
WIFE Ito husband, an eminent Prohibitionist)
Did you have pleasant evening?
Husband-Well, one rather annoying thing
occurred. He probably meant nothing by it, but
l asked young Featheriy if he would favor us
with a song, and he said yes, and then gave us
The Little Brown jug, Oh, Love Thee.-NetO
York Sum
IT was spiteful, but spitefulness cannot be
legislated out of human nature. Did you hear
that Mrs Smith is having her picture painted?''
You don't say That Old thing!"
Yes, indeed; painted in oil"
''Well, never In oil? If she ever wants to
have good likeness she'll have to be painted in
vinegar. San Francisco Chronicle
How do you capture the menu said a pert
miss to a woman who had just married her third
husband.
"Oh, well," was the reply, 81 don't, like a
young girl, pout about trifes, but if | want a
man make him believe that he is the best and
smartest individual ever met. That always
settles it, for man loses his head as soon as a
woman begins hattering m.-PhilddeIphia
Herald.
WHY, Jones, what are you doing in the city?''
inquired Robinson Il thought YOU were goine,
to sail for Europe on yesterdays steamer"
l thought so, too; but a woman arrested me
for breach of promise, just as the steamer was
about to start"
Breach of promised How can that be?
supposed that you were married man."
$50 am was arrested for breach of promise
to pay milliner's bill ''-Drake'S Magazine.
AREN'T YOU Mr.. Hayseed?" asked the conf
dence man.
and m on my way TO get up church fair"
mol Is that so:n exclaimed the confidence
man. We'll, say! I'm glad you put me on.
Where are you gOn to work."
The church is a few blocks north of here"
"All right Then you Just stick to this end of
the town and I'll work the other, SOS we won't
conflict. "-Ne10 York Mail and Express.
An Irish provincial paper inserted the follow
ing notice: Whereas, Patrick O'Connor lately
left his lodgings this is TO give notice that if he
does not return immediately and pay for the
same, he will be advertised countryman of
the author of the above not to be outdone in
nf.l1 in IriEl Il
that, among other portraits, he had represen-
tation of death as large as life" But one OF
the latest Of Irish bulls is the following from an
Nationalist party the other day: 80 long as
Ireland was silent under her wrongs. England
was deaf to her cries. '-Chdnl5ers' Journal