News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-11-24
NOT A BAD SUBSTITUTION.

when / think how cold your feet must
be. "-Teras SJtings.
NOT A BAD SUBSTITUTION.
The four-year-ol daughter of Bos-
ton druggist has already picked up some
of the words belonging to her fathers
business, as the following shows:
This little miss had prepared to recite
in Sabbath school the line:
"Search the Scriptures. "
When the teacher asked for her verse,
however, she hesitated, then brayely ut
tered the words:
''Hunt for the prescription. Boston
Times.
A SCIENTIFIC sCoRCHER.
Small Huxleyan-'I say, nanny,
dis yer friziology say if a chile hab a
narm long 'nuff to reach to de sun wen
he's bawn, he done be dead N berried
seventy-fve yeah TO eber he gwine
feel de sco'ch."
Nanny (severely) -s'An'nias S'phiry
Nebcudnezzah Jones, shut dat az book,
n go split de kindlin' n rest my po'
brain. Pears likes if too much larnin'
II make me mad. .''-Harper's Bazar.
CALLING.
Smith, say, Dumley, you have had
some experience in love affairs, and L
want your advice. There is a pretty
little widow in Harlem whom L devot-
edly love. In paying my addresses how
often ought to call upon her?
Dumley-She is a widow, you say?
Smith-Yes.
Dumley-Seyen nights a week, my
boy, with Wednesday and Saturday
matinee. e.-EpOch.
MOVE UP.
''It is not often that conductors get
off anything new," said daily rider on
an uptown line, 'but the other night a
raw hand fresh from the isle of green
sod caused good deal of me1riment
when he requested the passengers to
move up front by yelling: will yez
plaze git in off the balcony2 For q
wonder they complied. I suppose the
novelty caught them. Philadelphid
CaA
WHAT HE HAD TO SAY.
Brown-,EHaye you seen Dumley late
4 w. Robiu&lS
Rohinsbn-Yes, only a few minute
( ago. Hei invited me to have Il drin
with him.
Brown-Did he have anything pa
ticular to say!
Robinson-Well, yes. He said if
would pay for the drinks he would fl
it up with me some other time.
THE POSTER.
Lady of the House-You say yo
want to go to the matinee on Wednes
day?
Kitchen Lady-Yessum.
"What play are you going to see!'
81 don't know the name of it, mum
but [ seen the picture where one mai
was a standln' on two others and wavin
of a sword. "-Ninneap05is JOunaI.
KNEW THE YOUNG MAN.
Young Jinks had always told his EN-
ployer that he never touched liquor
Employer invited him into saloon tt
take lemonade with him. Waiter
who knew Jinks, remarked to him as h
set down bottle of old rye that he
brought in-''No use asking you wha
you will take"
CONSERVATION of Young Jinks.
A DIFFERENT COLOR.
500 you know, Miss Smith, he said
''that when see you / always look fo
white horse?"
81 suppose you do, Mr.. Brown,
she replied, 'and do you know what
the color of the horse that look for OIL
seeing you is!"
"No."
Chestnut
MORE LUXURIES.
Young Mr.. Waldo-Do you look upol
n knowledge of Homer and Virgil as es
sential to ones advancement, Mis-
Breezy?
Miss Breezy-Not necessarily so
Mr.. Waldo. Papa doesn't know one from
the other, and yet I suppose he handle
more lard than any two men in Chi
| cago.
SAD DILEMMA.
Gilhoolv-''Sad affair over at Jones.
Gus De Smith-"What's the mat
| ter?"
Zone of the twins has died"
"That is an affliction."
eyes, and the worst of it is the peo
pie don't know which of them is dead
they look so much alike"
AT THE zoo.
The keeper gave the lion large piece
of meat.
Poet-"Does he get that often?"
Keeper-"He gets it regularly twice
a day"
Poet, with clasped hands-"What
boon it would be if I could only get
position as lion here"
LITTLE sUPERsTITIoUs.
Wife Ito husband)-There were tw
hats that [ liked, one for $13 and on
| for $1S.
Husband-Which did you finally de
eide upon.
Wife-The eighteen-dollar one. In
little superstitious about the numbe
| thirteen.-N. Y. Sun.
HE KNEW THE BOYS FAILING.
81 wish" said lazy boy, as he sat a
the table, 'that l could get job wher
l would only have to work an hour
day"
Eyes" replied the boys father, "an,
you would want to take that hour ever.
day for lunch"
| SOMEWHAT DISTANT.
lis George Delmare one of your relo
tions You have the same name"
eyes, he is distant relative"
"How so?"
"Well, you see, he is the youngest c
the family of nine children of whom
am the eldest"
HE WAS THERE.
Wife Gn hoarse whisper)-"MOichael
Moichael Wake up! Thurs mn
therin' thafe in the room :" Michael
'Whist, now Rosie, be aisy. l hev m
OF on'm, an eff he foinds anything l.
GIT up an take it from i'm. "--HarPe2
Bdzdr.
KNEW ALL ABOUT IT,
Lawyer (in courD-Little boy, do yo
know the nature of an oath!
Little Boy-Yes, sir. It's somcthln
nv ia uSes to put up stOvepipCS with.