Union County courier. [volume] (Elk Point, Union County, D.T. [S.D.]) 187?-1913, 1887-05-11

avail What shall Nc do about III Please
advise ~ Yours amitstiyely,-
WnL Rem,
HARnY HICKS,
GEORGE THOMPSON,
E. G. LINDSAY.
REPLY.
Assers. Reed, Hicks. Thompson, and Lindsay,
GENTLEMEN Your favor is now in
front Of me AZ ! write. / hate TO come
In between the commercial man and
the hotels in case Of this kind, es-
pecially in order to monkey with re-
lations that are already stained; and
yet something ought to be said at this
time or we may easily foresee that the
overworked American pie will ct length
be compelled, by reason Of brain fag,
to abandon the proud position it now
holds relative to u interstate COM
merco.
would like to treat this matter in q
way to insure harmony between the
travelling man and the hotel. if possible
and yet ! must confess that / cannot
refer TO pie in . purely bipartisan
spirit. Pie, / may truthfully say, seems
to lie nearer my heart ct times than
anything else within the great realm of
groceries.
/ know that commercial men are
prone to ak too much Of the hotels at
times, and thus they infiame the pro-
p~rietorA ] have known Of many such
instances in which the tourist was
clearly in the wrong; but the outrages
were al perpetrated by travelling men
whose early lives had been passed in
obscurity. They were men who knew
how to catch . train or tell in rich
union-depot tone of voice how many
goods they had sold in that town, but
they do not adorh society very much.
These are the exception, however.
They are the men who represent small
houses, and sleep on four seats in the
dsy-coach, with their feet ON the velvet
collar Of the unassuming capitalist who
sits In the adjoining pew.
But ! VAS . travelling man once for
two weeks, and I have always sympa-
thized with those who follow this bust
ness for . livelihood. For some years
/ had yearned to be q commercial man
with . sorrel traveling-bag and q bold
signature. I intimated to several large
concerns that my services could be
secured at . nominal figure, but there
il nothing 20 pulled up or 30 egotistical
- o prosperous business house, and so
they continued to struggle on without
me.
Finally, ] went on the road in the
interest Of Warmers White Wine and
Tar Syrup-a preparation that would
take an old pair OF secondhand lungs
and brighten them up 80 that q man
needn't be ashamed to dress up in them
and wear them in the best society.
People say that the travelling men
are too forward and too bold, and ought
TO do . little more Of the blush-unseen
business, but I found when 1 was on
the road that l had to be bold, espe-
cially Ut the hotels, for the clerks were
bold, the porters were bold, and the
dining-room girls were also in several
instances extremely SO. II I did not
demand the bridal chamber I generally
got the tea chest No. St, with no knob
on the door, and when I would punch
the button on the denunciator it would
fall of with q low, trenulous sound and
roll under the bed.
Speaking of door-knobs reminds me
Of . hotel man in Washington Territory
who has . novel way Of keeping these
handles clean ct . slight expense. He
has knobs on all doors, and they are SO
arranged that they may be easily re-
moved. He has two sets for the house
-one set being white and the other
. dappled bay. When one set gets
soiled he removes the knobs, placing
them in the soap dishes of the various
rooms, where the guests rinse them off
thoroughly in . vain attempt to get
0 lather out of them. After they are
dried the proprietor replaces them ON
the doors and the soiled set go into the
soap dishes. The hotel is now called
the door-knob chop-house, and with
the slippery-elm towel adopted there a
polish 10 given to the guest which he
might otherwise never ecure
Gentlemen, in conclusion, ! hardly
know what to say, unless it be to add
that whatever you may decide to do
toward the publication of this great pie
evil, provided you do not actually en-
danger human life, you may safely rely
uVOu luc 0uU COuuU ulO liz ~ CiACcIS
into the life of every true American,
and An unfair division of pie will GER
tainly lead 10 open hostility and pos
sibly intestine al Do not trust the
man who robs you of your pie in order
that he may thrust it into his own cor
rupt system.
The tendency Of the age seems to be
toward the Capitalization of pie. This
is bound to make the thin man thinner
and the fat man fattsr. From statistics
now in my hands ! have ascertained
that we have enough pie in America, il
properly distributed, to give to each
adult, exclusive of Indians not taxed,
one-eighth Of o full-grown pie and still
leave o~ne-sixteenth pie for each child Of
school age.
Gentlemen, this letter is already too
long. I can add nothing more unless ii
be yours truly, BILL NYE.
Mrs. Mackay's Romance.
Years ago, comfortably situated in a
modest home Of Northport, L. l.. lived
n c0av 1iktla family If throa-father