Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1887-12-23

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cannot be played in the house. Archery
Is Injurious TO those who stand around
and watch the game. and pugiiism is a
relaxation that jars heavily on some
natures.
Football produces what may be call
ed the indigenous or ingrowing toe
nail, string-halt and mania Copenha-
gen induces melancholy. and the game
of bean bags is unduly exciting. Horse
racing is too brief and transitory as an
outdoor game. requiring weeks and
months for preparation and lasting only
long enough for quick person to
calculate Scat T. The pitchers arm
is new disease, the outgrowth Of base
ball; the lawn-tennis elbow is another
result of popular open-air game, aud
it begins to look as though the coming
American would shear with one over
grown telephone ear. while the other
will be rudimentary only. He Will have
an abnormal baseball arm with lawn
tennis elbow, a powerful, football
kicking leg with the superior toe driven
back into the palm OF his foot. He will
have a highly trained biceps muscle
over his eye to retain his glass, and
that eye will be trained to shoot a
curved glance over high hat and wit
ness anything on the stage.
Other features will grow abnormal or
shrink mp from lack Of use as a result
of our customs. For instance. the man
whose business is To get along crowd
ed street with the utmost speed will
have. finally, hard. sharp horn grow
ing on each elbow and pair Of spurs
growing out of each ankle. These will
enable him to climb over crowd and
get there early. Constant exposure TO
these weapons on the part Of the Pc
destrian will harden the walls of the
thorax and abdomen until the coming
man will he an impervious man. The
citizen who avails himself of all mod
ern methods of conveyance will ride
| from his door on the horse-car TO the
elevated station. where an elevator
will elevate him to the train. a revolv-
ing platform Will swing HIM on board,
or possibly the street car will be lifted
from the surface track to the elevated
track and the passenger will retain his
seat all the time. Then a man will
simply hang out red card, like an ex-
press card, at his door and cOmbina-
ton car Will call for him, take him to
the nearest elevated station, elevate
him, car and all, TO the track. take him
where he wants to go and call for him
at any hour of the night to bring him
home. He will do his exercising at
home, largely, taking art iicial sea
baths, jerking on a rowing-mach ne or
playing on a health lift till his eyes
hang out on his cheeks. aud he need
MOI do any walking whatever. In that
way the coming man will be oyer-devel-
oped above the legs and his lower
limbs will look like the q ISOLATE stems
of frozen geranlum. Eccenticities of
limb will be handed over like badness
from father to son among the jewellers
the way of rapid transit is to be had
until metropolitan will be instantly
picked out by his able digestion and ru-
dimenary legs, just ~ we now detect
the gentleman from the interior by his
wild endeavOrs to overtake an elevated
tram.
In fact Mr.. Edison has now perfect
ed, or announces that he is on the road
to the perfection of. machine which
may be pardoned for calling storage
thnk-tank. This will enable brainy
man to sit at home and. with an electric
motor and perfected photograph. he
can think into tin dipper or funnel.
which will, by the aid Of electricity and
a new style of foil. record and preserve
his ideas on n sheet of soft metal, so
that when any one says to him. "A pen
ny for your thoughts. he can 90 to his
valise and give him n piece of his mind.
Thus the man who has such wild and
beautiful thoughts in the night and
never can hold on to them long enough
to turn on the gas and get his writing
materials can set this thing by the head
of his bed. and. when the poetic thought
comes to him in the Silly night. he can
think into hopper, and the genius of
Franklin and Edison together will en-
able him to fire L back at his friends in
the morning while they eat their pan
cakes and glucose syrup from Vermont
or he can mail the sheet Of tin.foil TO |
absent friends. who may put it in their
monographs and utilize it. In this
way the world may harness the gray
matter of its best men, and il will be |
no uncommon thing to see dozen
brainy men. tied up in row in the !
back Office of an intellectual syndicate,
dropping pregnant thoughts into lit
tie electric coffee for couple of
hours n day, after VIII ch they put on
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