davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-09-15
BRIGHT BITS.

THE World shows that it is like its great
nameSake in its ability to revolve. Its present
attitude toward the President is a complete
revolution.--Ltfe.
THIS is a sad and bitter world, " remarked
gentleman of Irish extraction. I'VE never
strew flowers ON a mans grave until after he is
dead. 49, Washington Ratchet.
IN THE HoNEYMooN-She (beamingl--What first
attracted you, dear? What agreeable charac-
terstic did possess to place me above all
others in your sight and estimation?
Ponders--H'm. Oh, darling, give it up.
Cuious thing dearI never conld guess wild
dies London Punch.
OMAHA DAME (reading)-1'he King has just be-
gun a suit for divorce against his wife.
Chicago Dame-I didn't hear the first part.
What king:
The King of the Society Islands.
o. l often wondered why they were called So
ciety Islands, Omaha World.
MISS QUILLER-Of course while am here in
Chicago must dress as the Chicagoans do, but
these hats are simply outrageous
Madame Zemonde-Ah Mamsyl. You don't
know re genius Eat hafto bring to get ze-vat
you call re balanze-between re head and re
foot here in Chicago lid Bits,
WHAT'S your husband doing now: :"
Hes a Spectator
Indeed, What in -
''Oh, things in general He Just sits around
and puts in his time specializing about the pub
lie debt and the distance of the sun, and don't
know what all - Washington Critic.
BARTENDER ito customer)-You are putting
water in your whisky, sir. / thought you al
Customer thastily)- Why, so 1 do. I forgot
myself for the moment.
Observation-Disclosures what l thought. Well,
how is the milk business, Mr. Yelloh?-NeJC
York Sun.
beau-Say, Mr.. Sophtly, Fannie said last night
that you were not such fool as you looked
Billy (aged 7)-Why, Charley she didn't say
anything of the sort,
Mr. Sophtly-I should imagine not, Billy;
what did she say?
Billy-She said you didn't look as great fool
as you were.-Tid- Bits.
JoHNNY-Needn't think you're so smart
We've got wet cellar, and the doctor comes
every day.
Biily-That's nothin'; we've got swill barre
at the back door that's brought down all the
rents in the block.
Johnny-My pap's policeman and can arrest
your'n.
BilIy-Ho, that S nothn', neither; my dad could
buy him off for cigar, an report him an gil
him fired-OmGId Herald.
A 3-yEAR-oI.D miss on the east side is very FOND
of the head of a neighboring family who has
the lakes. Last evening while at his home she
remarked: Il am just mad at papa -. He
hasn't written to me once"
what of thatY' remarked his wife. HE has
We'll" added Miss Precocity, that's just
like these men; as soon as they get away they
cease to think of us."-BL6dlo Courier.
81 DON'T see why your friend Miss Smith re
ferred to my moustache as down. Maude,
said Young Sissy to his pretty cousin. There
is nothing of the down about it; it quite bris
ties. have to shave twice week, 1 assure you,
Il know it bristles Charley returned the
girl knitting her brows, although not very
fiercely, and am as much perplexed as you arr
to understand why Clara should speak of it o.
down. Sudden happy thought). Perhaps
| Charley, its because it grows on IA goose
! NeiU York Sun.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-09-15
An Anecdote of Gladstone.
From the Philndelphin Tintes

Perhaps 1t is in private life that Mr. Gladstone's
vitality and versatility are most remarkable. 1t
if great sight to watch him at dinner with
few friends He never talks for the sake of
talking, but listens attentively toevery one else
and is eager to draw out from his company all
they can tell him. But they feel the Influence
of a master mind in the smallest details. Mr.
Gladstone asks dozen searching questions in
few moments, and presents the subject in an
entirely new light by some exposition that the
listeners never dreamed Of He is full of reminis-
cenceS, and seems to imagine that everybody 8
memory ought to be as tenacious as his own
One night when he was Prime Minister he
sat on the Treasury bench with only one col
league beside him. He was apparently asleep,
and the other man thought he might indulge in
a doze. But presently Tory speaker ventured
upon some historical statement. Mr.. Gladstone
was on the alert at once. Turning to his com
panion he said: That is entirely wrong. This
fellow is mixing up his facts and his dates.
Don't you remember?" Then he proceeded to
explain some obscure passage of political his
tory of which his unfortunate colleague was
obliged to confess entire ignorance. Mr.. Glad
stone looked at him for moment in plying
wonder and as soon as he dared the hapless
man skunk away. Meeting friend he said; I'm
going home; | can't stand that fiendiSh old man
any more. Why, he actually cross examined
me about something that happened before 1 was
horn ~
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-09-15
Won MOItke'S Parsir11onv

A Schweidnitz ewspaper-Count Won Moltkes
estate Kreisan, lies in the neighborhood of
Schweidnitz-relates the following story of the
great Field Marshal: A short time ago Count
Moltke visited an inn not far from his home and
called for glass of common beer The land
lord retailed both this kind (einfdchea bier and
double beer (doppet bier) the prices being 5
pfenning and 10 ptenniug respectively. Think
ing common beer unsIlited to the position of his
guest, the man supplied Moltlle with the best
quality. After drinking off the foaming glass
the Field Marshal praised the brew and placed
on the table 10 pfenning piece, expecting to
receive the half back again. The landlord, how
ever, appropriated the whole, and Motke left
without saying word A few days later the
Count visited the same inn again, and ordered a
glass Of beer as usual Again double beer was
brought Before leaving Motke called the
landlord and said, when was here last gave
you 10 pfennng, and as you gave me nothing
back was pfenning TO the good so that we
are now straight The landlord remarked
that he had drawn double beer, which cost 10
pfenning. "Oh. but / did not order double
beer" said the Count, and he drove away smi-
ing.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-09-15
The Sarcastic Observer at the Range.

From the San francisco Examiner.
One of our crack militia companies amused it.
self all day last week by speeding the bfthe bull
let at the irresponsible bullseye. Along late in
the afternoon, during break in the stream of
lead, a stranger passed that way and entered
into conversation with the marker, who was re-
pairing the target
Mighty sliIlfu shooting this has been," said
the stranger: lit is very difficult to miss the
bullseye every time in a whole days practice. :"
You talk as if they tried to miss it, said the
marker,
What" the stranger exclaimed, with sudden
emphasis, do you mean to say they tried to
hit it?'
"Certainly-why not:''
pallor overspread the visage of that strange
man; in the language of the novelist, he
gaSped for support He brandshed his jaw
in vain, for his tongue refused its office-there
was no salary attached to the office-and was
fiourished in Intellectual curves. why not?"
he at last repeated-'why not? Because that is
one of my patent back-action retaliatory tar
gets. designed to test courage as we'll as skill.
When struck in the bullseye it strikes back
Sir, man who should inadvertently put his
bullet into the geometrcal centre of that tar
get would be shot dead For Heavens sake put
stop to this perilous amusement
The marker TRANQUILITY consulted his watch.
Got about done now" said he; ''only two
hours more allowed for shooting Greatly
obliged to you sir, but guess it's all right"
And jumping into his pit he waved his flag
for the firing to proceed. No casualties.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-09-15
The Champion Liar.
s. W. Foss in It'd Bits


The snake liar and the fish liar, both bowed in
their gray old age,
Came travelling back from their journeys wide,
from their earth-wide pilgrimage;
tear drop stood in the snake liars eye, and
the fish liar groaned in pain,
And death-like look of infinite grief came over
the face of the twain.
81 cannot compete with the modern lie," the
Sad-eyed snake liar said,
I'm its limitleSs length, and breadth and depth,
and wish that were dead:
For | stand rebuked with shame faced look
meath the triumphant gaze of the eye
OF the newspaper affidavit liar with his circula-
ton lie!
"For the snake liar, and the fish liar, and the
horse liar own his sway,
And the easy-going liars who work by the job,
and the liars who work by the day;
The travelling liar, old inhabitant liar, and liars
of low degree,
And liars who lie for the fuc of the thing, and
liars who lie for a fee.
''The horse liar, the peach crop liar. the sea
serpent liar and ALL
With their wide, untraveled wastes of cheek,
and their soundless seas of gall,
All bend the knee to the sceptred sway of this
crowned and peerless one,
And the father of lies looks tenderly down on
his most accomplished son.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-09-15
THE TODDY PALM.
a Western Statesman Expresses His
Admiration for the Plant.

From the Mem York STR.
when was down in Washington the other
day remarked Western politician at the st.
james, they showed me n wonderful Indian
palm at the botanical gardens. They cali it the
caryota ureus, and it cuts bigger figure in the
world as an intoxicant than all the dstilleries of
the United States just in proportion as the
followers of Brahma aud Buddha in India are
far more numerous than the Christian pOpula-
ton of the United States, in the same proper
ton does that palm tree surpass all our appli-
ances for making an intoXcant II is a beauti-
diameter grows to the height of about sixty
feet, and is surmounted by an elegant crown OF
gracefully curved leaves The flower
spikes are ten or twelve feet long, and
issue from the trunk at the base of the
leaves hanging down like a horses tail. They
are not produced until the tree has arrived at its
full period of growth and the manner in which
the numerous spikes succeed each other is rather
singular. The first spike issues from the top of
comes on below it, and on, a flower spike being
produced from the angle of each leaf stalk, or
from the circular scar left by leaves that have
fallen away from the trunk, until the process of
Towering reaches the ground, when the tree is
exhausted and dies.
THE English in India gave it the name of
To-day Palm because they traced kinShip be-
tween their old home toddy and the juice of the
tree. The natives work it in this fashion: When
the sap that would have flowed into the bud is
caught by them in a gourd and used as a liquor
It's very powerful and produces fine crop of
delriunl tremens in India. They expect this
Oriental distillery to flower some time this fall
Yes it The only Teddy Palm in this country
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-09-15
The CONSTITUTIONS Centenary.

To-day, in Philadelphia begins the celN-
bration of the one hundredth anniversary Of
the adoption of the Federal Constitution, an
celebrated eleven years ago, in the same city,
the Declaration of Independence.
The celebration will he fitting one. The
President and the Governors of many of
the States will be present, the latter attend
ed by numerous representative citizens. A
trades procession, for which preparations
have been III progress for weeks, will illus
trate in an impressive way the changes and
improvements of a hundred years in the
industrial methods of the country. To
morrow, the principal day of the celebra-
ton, there will be a parade of perhaps the
largest body of soldiers seen together in this
country since the war, reviewed by the
President. In Independence Square the for
NAL celebration will take place. A brief
address by the President will be followed by
the memorial Grafton of Justice Miller, Of
the United States Supreme Court, and the
recitation of new national hymn, com
posed by F. Marion Crawford.
The celebration will be continued through
Saturday, and the time not taken up by the
exercises mentioned will be devoted to en-
tertainments of various kinds. Philadel-
phia is a hospitable city, and is determined
that her thousands of visitors shall be well
entertained.
The celebration will no doubt interest and
instruct the thousands who will be present
and participate, but its effect on the millions
who will not be present is the matter Of
chief Importance. The American constitu-
ton. which the leading English statesman
has declared to be the greatest work ever
struck off at one heat by the human mind,
which every citizen looks upon as the
foundation law upon which all other laws
of the country rest, the bond of union and
the shield of local rights, is yet to vast
majority of citizens a thing unknown
They reverence it and believe in its
greatness, because their fathers did,
but hardly one in a score has even read it,
In many private libraries, otherwise well
stored, a copy of it cannot be found If
this celebration shall have a tendency to
cure this ignorance of the fundamental law
by arousing interest in it, then it will have
done good work.
The people of the country have good cause
to celebrate its adoption 1t is true that
it was a compromise which left open to a
double Interpretation the most important
point which could be raised under its pro-
visions, the extent of a States rights, but
had it been more definite it probably would
have failed of adoption. So the wisdom of
its trainers was not at fault, and they
could but leave to time the settlement
of a question not then ripe. In every
other respect the Constitution has proved
equal to the demands upon it. 1t has made
possible a strong government, which is yet
thoroughly responsive to the needs of the
people, while leaving to States the control of
local affairs.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-09-15
No Hope for the Bomb Throwers.

The condemned Chicago Anarchists must
hang. The Judgment of the court which
condemned them was affirmed by the Su-
preme Court yesterday, and the tragic event
is fixed for Nov II.
While there is no desire for anybody's
blood in this country, the decision of the
Illinois Supreme Court will give general
satisfaction. There is no doubt that the
condemned Anarchists are assassins. The
proof that they assassinated the police with
bombs and pistols at the Haymarket meet
ing in Chicago, n year ago last May, was
overwhelming. They had good jury and
a fair trial, and it is right that they should
suffer the penalty of their crime.
Extraordinary efforts were made to clear
them at their trial, and it is probable
that attempts will now be made to induce
a the Governor to pardon them. The Gov.
ernor, however, will make grave mistake
if he yields to any pressure in their behalf
If they were to escape the gallows now the
Anarchists in all parts of the country
would become more aggressive than ever,
and would use dynamite with increasing
frequency to assist them in their efforts to
overturn the existing order of things.
Any leniency would be interpreted
by them. TO mean that those
intrusted with the administration and
execution of the laws were afraid of them,
and emboldened by this belief they would
assume such hostile attitude that, in all
probability other lives would have to be
sacrificed to uphold the laws. Only the
other day in New York, Anarchist Most,
in making application for naturalization
papers, defiantly asserted that he wouldn't
obey the laws unless he thought they were
good ones, and that he would resist the
authorities in trying TO enforce them OF
course he did not get his naturalization
papers, but his assertion that he would use
force to resist laws which did not suit him
indicated the temper and purpose of all the
Anarchists. The only way TO deal with
them is to make them understand they
must obey the laws or take the con-
sequences. There is not a word TO be said
in favor of the bomb throwers at Chicago,
who are waiting for the hangman TO do his
duty.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-09-15
An Awful Catastrophe.
From the Boston Transcript

Guy Beauclerck stood before the mirror in the
great ivory bedroom of Chin Castle placing
upon his manly form the Garments he was that
day TO wear In the presence Of his monarch
Suddenly there shot from his hand glittcring
disk, which, sparkling for a moment as II
passed through "A sunbeam buried Itself in the
obscurity Of the rich Turkish carpet With a
wild shrek, a eartpiercing cry Guy Beau
clerck threw himself upon the floor and a,royeled
like groveler from GrovetOwn. In an Instant
his wife, the beautiful Lady Constance Beau
presence Of royalty itself could not bend now
bowed ~ loving sollcitude over the PROSTATE
form OF her husband
Speak 20 me. Guy" she cried Guy. have
you lost your reasong
no, he moaned, family, II have lost my
collar Dutton.n
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-09-15
Postal Service Irreplllarities

There still seems to be ground for
complaining of the postal service in this
section. 1t has some defects which should
be remedied at once. Very lately there was
a remarkable delay in delivering at its
destination a registered letter mailed at
the post office in this city, and addressed to
party in Mobile. 1t is probable that the
delay will cause loss of several hundred
dollars to the party in this city who
mailed it.
AS far as can be learned there was ample
time for its delivery, but it was not sent by
the right route 1t was mailed Aug. II,
and was delivered Aug. H. 1t was neces-
sary that it should be delivered to the party
to whom it was addressed on Aug. Is, as
that was the last day for filing claims in
pending case.
The attention of the superintendent of
the railway mail service was called to the
delay in connection with this letter, and he
replied that the fault was with the Savan-
nah post office-that the letter had been
missent. 1t was put in the through pouch
for Macon, and from Macon was sent to
Atlanta, at which place it arrived on a Sat
nlBuU. bclliB llO
letter business done on Sunday the letter re-
manned in Atlanta until Monday 1t should
have been put in the through pouch for
Atlanta, and then the delay of one day at
Macon and two at Atlanta would not have
occurred.
1t is somewhat remarkable that the post
office regulations do not always permit the
sending of registered letters by the most di-
rect route. A registered letter mailed here
at 1905 in the morning would reach Mobile
at 2:15 on the afternoon of the following
day by the Savannah, Florida and Western
railway and its connections.
The post office regulations should be
amended. This country is getting to be too
big to be hanpered by rules and regulations
the purpose of which seem to be, how not to
do it, Why should a registered letter be
three or four days going from this city to
Mobile when it can be sent IN less than a
day and "A half If registered letters are
sent to their destinations in this locality by
the longest routes is it not probable that the
same thing is done in some other localities 2
The Postmaster General should have this
registered letter business looked into, and
improved where improvements are found to
| be necessary
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-09-15
A circus MANS sarcophaRus
From the Frisco Argonaut.

E'TVFT1 EF''7 F0NV VVFEVF'ff
A certain manager of a menagerie died and
word was sent TO his native village that his re.
mains would be brought home for interment,
ana that they would be accompanied by mem.
Der of the troupe. When the box arrived, how.
ever the friends noticed that Il was very large
AS large as n table and exceedingly heavy; so
they thought an investigation ought 10 be made
and they opened the box. Great was their
ainazemcnt 10 discover the carcass or a huge
lion They called 10 the man having IL IN
charge aud asked: "llOw Is thisf We received
word that the body Of the manager was coming,
aud instead Of that we find the carcass Of this
great lion. he answered. well that's lust
q liim's The Teller what ate w the manager.
Tna managers insids."
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-09-15

Our esteemed contemporary, the Jack
sonville Times Union, has a way of crawl
ing out of an unpleasant position instead Of
getting out Of it in a manly fashion,
although it brags of its truth-telling, square
acting record. A few days ago IL made the
unqualified statement that Savannah's bust
ness was 81 100000 less last year than it was
the year before last. The MORNING News
took occasion TO draw It's attention to It's
mistake. It replied by saying it relied upon
its memory, and by insinuating that the
MORNING NEWS has q reputation for fence
riding. What a conclusive reply II our
esteemed contemporary viii get astride the
truth once in awhile, instead Of riding III
apparently faggcd-out and unreliable mem
ory 70 continuously, II may succeed in re
covering, partially at least, the place IL
once held Ia the confidence Of the people OF
florida.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-09-15
Moving in the Right Direction.

The purchase Of the Pritchard rice planta-
ton by the county is a very important one.
1t will not only afford the county poor
farm, and thus lessen the expenses of the
county for charity, but it will give the
county authorities an opportunity TO carry
out their system of drainage-an opportu-
nifty they have been seeking for a long time.
The draining that has already been done
has greatly improved the health of the
county, and especially of this city, and that
which this purchase will enable the county
authorities TO do will still further improve it.
The county authorities have requested a
conference with the city authorities with
the view Of securing joint action in deepen
ing Musgrove creek, in order TO drain the
Minis swamp, and the lowlands just beyond
the southwestern suburbs of the city.
The opening Of Harmon swamp canal has
drained the country along the White Bluff
road, south of the four mile post, and west
ward toward the Savannah, Florida and
Western railway track of an immense
amount of water.
The prospect of the improved hcalthful-
ness OF the county, which is certain 30 fol-
low the carrying out of these projected
drainage schemes, is certainly very crafty
ing.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-09-15
What Truthful Bill Died OF.
From the Teras Strings

An FL Paso, Tex. man being in San Antonio,
was asked by gentleman how Bill Hart was
coming on in III Paso.
"He went by the name Of Truthful Dill, didn't
hey"
Yes"
''Well, he is not coming on at ALL He was
buried the day before left Hl Paso."
''What caused his deathy
Ellis death was caused by imprudence.S
perhaps Truthful Bill drank too much"
''No."
''was he imprudent in changing his clothesY'
''No, il wasn't that. He was imprudent in
telling the truth He got up in a saloon pat
ronized by the elite of the town and said that
the whole crowd present were liars and horse
thieves The verdict of the Coroner's jury was
that he died of lead-poisonng.
The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-09-15
THURSDAY. SEPTEMBER IS, 1887.
Registered at the Post Office in Savannah,

-
The MoRNING NEWS is published every day in
The wear. and is served to subscribers an the city
by re1vsdealers and carriers, on their own az,
rount. at - cents week, 81 90 month, - o.
for six months and $40 90 for one year.
The MORNING NEWS, By mail, one month,
81 90; three months, 81 80; six months, s. O;
one year. $40 90.
The MORNING NEWS, by mail, six times a
week without Sunday issue), three months
g 90; six months. 81 90 one year, - ~.
The MoRN1Na NEWS, Tri-Weekly, Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays, or Tuesdays Thurs
DAYS and Saturdays. three months, u %; SIX
months s. 80; one year. 3 90.
The SUNDAY NEWS, bp mail, one year. 81 70
The WEEKLY NEWS by mail, one year, y -.
Subscriptions payable in advance Remit py
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rency sent by mail at risk of senders,
This paper is kept on file and advertising rates
NAV be aScerained at the office Of the Amer.
can Newspaper Publishers Association, lO4
Temple Court, New York City.
Letters and kilograms should be addressed
"SoRNING NEWS. Savannah, Ga
Advertising rates made known on application