The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1887-01-22
WIT AND HUNIOIe.

A stopped-up geyscr is an ex-spurt in
its way.-Boston advertiser.
1t happens very frequently that .
nobleman is also an owe bill man.
Merchant 7ravcier
ut is the little things that tell." says
an old adage. Yes. especially the little
brothers. .--AcW Haren NeWs.
"How many women marry a good.
sensible manP" asks Kate Field. Only
one. if the man can help it.-Ihiiadet-
ph,a North Amsrican.
''Isn't Mr.. Crimsonbeak given to
drink?" 20. bless you. yes! II he's
given to drink he always drinks. but he
never pays for it himself Yomkers
Statesman.
Mr.. Fainthcart-Doy you think it would
be safe for mo to approach your pa Oh
the subject? Miss Fairlady-O. per-
fectly; he has the gout again.-Bu1ato
Commercial.
Teacher of chemistry to class-'Can
you give me an example of the gases i'm
solid form?" Class with voclferous
unanimity)-''Congress." " Washington
Critic.
A Boston woman. by way of expert
ment, recently tied a pcdomcter TO her
chin, and discovered that she talked
thirty-three miles between breakfast
and lunch.-Lye.
Solomon had several hundred wives.
and he was considered the wisest msn
of his time. In these degenerate days
Gnlnnnu'a uicInn, ,ro,ll h,xa hoo,,
questioned Washington Crtt,c.
"Pitch your voice in low key" says
a writer on etiquette. We presume eti-
quette can be temporarily dispensed
with when trying to wake the boys in
the morning.-Ptsbnrg Chronicle.
Irate pcrson-See here. did you call
me an ''old celibate" in your paper yes
tcrday? Editor-No. called you IAN
old reprobate. lrate person-O. that's
very ditlerent-Lye.
Why do we always talk about putting
on a coat and vest? Who puts on u
coat before the vest? We also say shoes
and stockings. What's the matter with
us. any how?-Ihiiadeiphta Cali
Can you use this?" timidly inquired
the poet, as he laid bundle on the
desk. IL think l can, said the editor.
allably. IL am just about to start u
fire in the office stove. c."-Phtiadeithia
Call.
The Washington Post aflirms that
"woman is society's balance wheel"
Does the Post mean that woman is al
WAYS on the watch? Well. well; per-
haps she is, perhaps she is.-ItIsburg
DiSpdtch.
Customer Ito photographer i don't
like the expression. It's too sad.
Photographer-Th so? Customer
U. yes. My wife will think I've been
playing draw poker again.-New lOrk
sam.
..Why, Chawlcy." drawled Gus dc
Flipkins to his chum, Z. Percy Giddi-
brainc. where's your watch?' -. |
couldn't stand it," he replied; 'rhe
beastly ticking shattered my nerves. y
1id-B BaS.
'What wonderful power of adapta-
bility women possess!" cries sage
writer This refers to the girl who
adores ice-cream and at tle same time
is passionately fond of fried oysters
Ihstddeiphia taI
Husband-''M Madam, you have had
no less than $500 for pin money during
the year. can't stand it. Here's tho
account, and figures don't lic." In
dignant wife-'But you do."-Ph,ia-
de. phia Ca.L
Victoria has given the Princess of
Germany a carriage lined with blue
silk damask. with gold fringe and tas-
sells. Ii is supposed to have been a copy
of a circus-procession carriage.-AeU
HaUen NeOs.
An item in the 7eiegram-"Umpire
anu Mrs. Quest will winter in Detroit"
leads us 10 desperation. and VIC de-
spairingly announce that ''BOokkceper
and Mrs. Jones will spring in Kalalna-
zoo. ."--f
"Do you remember" he asked, 'the
author of the saying. God bless the
man who first invented sleep?'" NO"
was tho reply. IL have forgotten his
name, but think he must have been u
MANN Y. Sum-.
.Arter ye'vc ate that mincc-pie an
them hard-bilcd eggs" asked the gen.
erous woman. "will ye carry in some
wool for mep' Certainly, madam"
gratefully replied the tramp; ''that is"
he added, '.if live."-N !. Sun.
Two young salesladics ut Macy's no
longer speak rs they pass dry goods
over the counter. Said one: you're IL
mean old thingr' Said the other:
you're IA salesperson" Aud now
war is in their hearts. Y. Sun.
..Do you know. my friend" he said
solemnly to the tramp. ''wbat whisky
costs you?" "Yes. sir. responded tho
tramp sadly. lit costs me w cents y
gallon when l have money enough to
buy it that way. but it's too much. y
N. y Sun.
..Hole on dar." said a colored man.
hailing his acquaintance. ''Does yer
cross der street ebery time yer sees mo
to keep from payin' dat blll?" '.No.
DOESN'T" "What denp" "'Ter
keep from bein' axed fur it"-7exas
Sytsngs.
"Ycs, Mr.. Oldboy." she simpcrod. II
have seen q springs. Would you
think itp" '.Well, yes. ma'am. don't
know but what l would" MIR. Oldboy
said. ''and guess some of them springs
must have been very backward y
Uarper's Bdzdr.
"What is filling our insane asylumsp"
asks patent medicine advertisement.
Well, there are $4,000 brass bands in
this country at the present time. and
the number is rapidly increasing: II