River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-09-29

Calmly now the beauteous summer
Lays her perfumed mantle by,
There are silken, downy tassels
Where were flowers but yesterday.
O. the months have each mission,
Each its loving work to do,
But none renders holier service
Than September grave and true.
Albany Journal
ACAREFUL MAN.
Col. Witherspoon of Austin died last
December. His case was hopeless from
the first. Calling his physician to his
bedside one day he whispered:
doctor, can't you arrange so that !
can slide out quietly before Christmas?"
"Why SOP"
"You see, doctor, can save a lot of
money by not having to buy presents
for Tom, Dick, and Harry"
TAKEN WITHOUT TASTING.
do you know" said a dignifed-
looking man, THAT | never tasted
mo" was the reply; Il
know lots of fellers that gulp it down
quick that way. but somehow l could
always git more enjoyment out of it by
lettin' it 90 slow, unlessit's clear pizen. .
Washington Critic.
INDUCING A CHILD.
Mamma" said little Flossie, who
was more or less busy at her morning
toilet, .'can kiss Fido on the nose?"
"Yes, replied the indulgent mother,
who was feeding Fido French chop,
"but not until you are dressed. dear,
and have your face washed"
AT LAKE MINNEToNKA.
Miss Minerva (of Boston)-What do
you think of Mr.. Dounelly's Bacon
cipher, Mr.. Hogg?
Mr.. Hogg (of Kansas City)-N ell
| haven't seen Mr. Donnelly's figgers,
but | cipher out a pritty brisk trade
this easOn.-Tid-Bits
HIS ONE REDEEMING FEATURE.
''He is certainly rather vapid, and
not at all an interesting conversational
ist."
Il thought so, Nellie
''And believe that he is insincere in
what he says to me, Maude."
"Then why do you drive with him Sc
oftenP"
20, he has his horse trained so excel
lently. He just fastens the lines to the
dashboard, and it goes write along"
TRUE GREATNESS.
Il can tell you." said Mr.. Spriggins,
''the American boy has in him the ele-
ments of true greatness. Here Garfield
began life ON the towpath and reached
the Presidency; Logan was a poor
farmer lad and died United States Sena.
tor; and see here in this paper the
story of poor lad who educated him
self, living on 16 cents day. until he
knew enough to enter college. Then
he took care of a horse to pay his ex-
penses. and now"
"What is he now, papa?" asked a
chorus of Sprigginses with breathless
interest.
Now ne is one of the best baseball
pitchers in this country"
BIRTH AND OTHER MARKS.
First Stranger-Your face is strange
" familiar to me, sir. Have you q
strawberry mark on your left arm?
Second Stranger-No, sir; but
have rope mark on my neck.
First Stranger-I knew l had seen
that face before | met you in Dakota
Nei0 York Sun.
GETTING ON POORLY.
Gentleman-Have you heard how
old Mrs. Bently is to-day, Uncle Ras-
tus? hear she is very low.
Uncle Rastus-She am err gettin'
long pooly, sab. | stopped da, dis
mawnin' an de berrj LASTS accounts
am tel de effec' dal she wah daid
COULDN'T SCARE HER.
He(before the wedding)-''You are
sure you won't be nervous at the altar?'
She -four times a widow)-''I never
have been yet.
GETTING EVEN.
'Ah! good morning. he saluted
across the aisle of the car.
'Good morning, sir" stiflly replied
Tue lauY addressed.
Ibid you enjoy your trip TO the
BayP"
''What-when?"
''Last week, ma am"
"'Why, l wasn't down therer'
mo! But | saw your husband down
there, and the register of the hotel bore
the names Of"
''Shr' whispered man beside him,
at the same time giving his sleeve a
pull.
Bore what names?" sharply queried
the woman as her fingers clinched.
But the two men stalked out of the
front door and dropped or She
looked after them, shut her teeth hard
together. and was out on the platform
and ready to alight before the car was
within a square of her street.
Ibid you see him down there?"
asked the friend, as the two got away
from the car.
NAV, OF course notr'
''What did you talk it for?"
Her husband black-balled me in a
society, and I've been lying for him for
three years.
IN THE CRIMINAL COURT.
Judge, to an old offender-''Why did
you scale the window of this building?"
Prisoner-tfThere was a newspaper
pasted on the window, which was
fractured, and | climed up there to read
a story printed on it..
"Yes. but why did you burst in the
Window"
ITO read the continuation of the
story on the inside, your Honor. -
French Fun.
SETTLED DOWN.
mo one ever thought" remarked
Gilllyboat. pensively. THAT Bill Julep
would settle down to quiet, humdrum
life. He was The widest and most
dangerous character in the entire
neighborhood, drunkard and gam
bier, but all at once he settled down and
has now quit all his evil habits forever. "
"Did he experience religion
"Well, no, not exactly. He went r.
the penitentiary for life.
SHE WAS DESPERATE.
He what had you rather see a