Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1887-04-28

She (whispering)-You gave your
self away. He-I gave nothing away.
She-That's what / said.--New York
Graphic.
After all, there is no reason for sup
posing that old King Cole was related
in any way to Alexander the Grate!-
The Black Diamond.
al never knew what choke-damp was
BEFORE" commented the miner who had
taken a drink which went the wrong
way.--The Black Diamond.
A new list of household hints con-
tains this: Salt in the whitewash will
make it stick better" Investigating
committees should bear this in mind
Life.
One of our lady correspondents, who
has just begun housekeeping, wishes us
to inform her whether or not minced
ham comes from ground hog.-Nep
Haven NesCS. III 49,,
"Well, but if you can't bear her,
whatever made you proposeepss 'tMcll,
we had danced three dances, and j
couldn't think Of anything else t0sayg"
London Punch. - ~
We lay it down as an axiom that the
opinions of an editor who uses a..
calibre revolver for paper weight
carry conviction with them.--BurIin0-
ton Free Press.
They are now making barrels with
only one stave in them We saw o
stovepipe hat that had only one 'stave
in" but it made it look like an accor-
dion.-DaDuilIe Breeze.
"Undressed kid is the favcrite ma
terial for slippers" says fashion
journal. 1t may be added that slippers
are not favorite material with the I'M
dressed kid!-Living Church.
A barge loaded with coal is said to
have been lately sunk off the English
coast for the sake of the insurance.
Here was some one actually guilty of n
coal scuttle. The Black Diamond. -:--
prisoner, do you admit that you
stole this purse of diamondsP" "Yes,
your Honor; but do not believe was
then in my right mind. l know now
they were only imitation. "-NeD York
Graphic.
First citizen--"Well. guess we shall
have pretty early spring this year.
Second citizen--"As for me, I'm sure
of it. My wife began her spring bon
net operations two weeks ago. "-NcO
Hdven Ne,os.
Belmont, Ga, boasts OF a woman
"who goes out and chops wood with
her husband" We suppose the hus-
band must be hatchet-faced, and has at
some time been drummer. -Neso
Haven Net0s.
Johnson-"How are you, old manP"
Thompson-Im sick" Indeed. Well,
if it wasn't for that you'd feel Just as
good as any one. Why, you haven't
so much to complain Of, after all. w.
Pittsburg Dispatch.
Wife (reading the paper)-I see that
money is quoted as cheap. Why don't
you get some? Husband-Becausc Il
requires security, my dear. and security
is scarce with an upward tendenct.--
NeU York Sun, ~" -
Mrs. Grundy says "boys. nov 10
great extent take the places Of men in
New York society" Mrs. Grundy
must not complain, since boys were
created for just this very thing.-St.
Adams Messenger. " ~
1.-The new linen cuffs are very close
about the wrists" The old ones, how
ever, still linger around the ears. Aftst
as they did in days of yore. Or, Us
the unlettered barbarian might remark,
in the auIicular days.-Burdette.
Two retired United States Admirals
live in London--Edward Simpson and
4. M. Stenebel. They evidently want
to live in a country where they occa-
sionally can refresh themselves by the
sight Of war vessel.-BoSton Post.
Clara-O .Tohnl what lovely fow.
ers! They look as IL they had tust
been gathered. Why, there little
dew upon theml John (somewhat en-
barrassed)-Due upon them! Not a
cent Clara, / assure you; not cent
Life.
MADAME" said the tramp. "Tm
hungry enough TO eat raw dog"
"Well," she responded, kindly. suiting
the action to the word, "PlI whistle
some up for you" The tramp left,
taking his appetite with Rim.--NeSo
York Sun.
Countryman, Tin the gallery Of the
Stock Exchangel-How. much does IL
cost, mister, to do business down there?
Mister-The seats, think, are worth
about $50, 700. Countryman (fetching
his ath)-Gosh, I don't wonder
most Of fem stand up.-rLtfe.