River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-07-21

WIT OF Thu SOLsTICE.
FAIR MAID, BIG HAT.
There was once a fair maid of South Yer
non,
Who'd hat with big bunch of fern oni
The crown stood up straight.
Two pounds was its weight,
win a brim that an engine conld turn on.
DEAR DELusIoS.
We love 10 hug decisions
The tendency $ human;
Tim happy he must be if the
Delusion is IA woman
AND IN THE SUMNER TOO.
In the spring young girls fancy
Lightly turns To thoughts of cream,
Anu her tender blue eyes sparkle
With alovely ten-cent CLEAN.
BOOM SAD"
The Ouray Coll Muldoon calls up
on the refined and wealthy of the over
heated East" to come out to Ouray.
'We have. it says, s'walks where low
ers can kiss without detection. We
have densely shaded grottoes where the
oVerhanging boughs shield. the suscep-
tlble and unsuspecting. and constitu-
ency the male portion of which is ac-
commodating beyond belief. Come
early and avoid the rush"
ALL OUT FOR wAYBAcK!
40. Rowena," exclaimed Voltigen
Tapemeasure, dropping on his knees
without struggle, ''your beauty fires
my heart" "My daughter said
old Hengist Wheatcorner, entering the
room. 81 will divide the contract with
you; | will fire the rest of him." Which
he did.
AGoNE SUCKER.
Mamma" said young hopeful on
Clinton avenue yesterday, "what is a
gone sucker?"
"A gone sucker, my child" respond
ed the fond mother, rather puzzled,
sis very bad boy"
That night, when the clothing of the
little fellow bad hecn removed and he
was engaged in his usual duplication
to the Throne he said:
"And o Lord, bless papa, mamma,
and me, for you know, Lord I'm u
gone sucker. Brooklyn Standard.
THE MEANEsT MEN,
They were on their way to the theatre,
and she was TREMENDOUSLY happy. SHE
felt that the words she so longed to
hear would be spoken that night. and
the idea made her almost dizzy with
delight.
"Mr. Simpson, she said softly, '.why
do you wear that bit of string about
your fingerp''
20, replied Mr.. Simpson, taking it
off, that was to remind me of my en-
gagem mt with you tonight" 1t wasn't
much, but it was enough to take away
the delightful dizziness,
THEY KNEW THEIR BUSINESS.
There's big difference in men, ;" said
stranger, as he sat in hotel In a West
ern Dakota town. ''Now / saw two
men in front of saloon over here to-day
Pretty soon somebody began to shoot
in the saloon, and one of the men
started off mighty sudden and the
other rushed right in. 1t shows
II seen that, too, pardner," said
man who lived in the place, IAN it
don't show nothing but a difference in
their business"
"How's that ?"
why that man who started off so
blame fast was the City Marshal. he
knowed there was a row."
"But who was the man that rushed
IMP"
.'Coroner. Dak0ta Bell.
THE UNIVERSAL WANT.
Mr.. DoppehheImer, / want to INTRO
duce burglar alarm into your house.
1t will Indicate at which door or window
n
Il don want none of dose tings.
don bodder me nit burglars"
"Once you have tried them, Mr..
oppeuheimer-"
Look here. meester. if you wash
got a condrivance what keeps mine
wife from goin' dru mine pockets
when | wash ashleep, den | talks nit
you little bit. "-Harpers BdzGr.
HIS NAME WAS FAMILIAR
LADY, am so glad to make your
personal acquaintance! l have often
read Your name.
Poet (flattered)-Ah! Do you know
my lyrical poems or my novelist
Lady-Neither.
Poet-My tragediesP
Lady-No; but, you see, You happen
to live in the same house as friend of
mine, and whenever | visit her l see
your name on the door-plate.
THE HoME-RULE PROBLEM.
"Well. Jones, what is your candid
opinion of the home-rule question:
ITO be honest, Snifter. hardly know.
We have been married three years last
n onth, and it is still he-o-he whether /
rule home or whether Mrs. Jones does.
When she swatted me across the mouth
yesterday with the dish-rag it looked
like majority in her favor. But when
| hid her false hair so she couldn't go
W lut IuttAiuS II hliO OOlt1S CONlCtg
last night and leave me to tend the kid,
then my stock began to boom again.
| may some time be able to give an
opinion that will carry some weight
with it, but just at present | am on the
fence regarding the hOme-rule-prob-
lem.
A PRACTICAL ENGLISHMAN.
In first-class carriage in Germany
an Englishman was observed to be con-
stantly putting his head out of the win
dow. The train was going fast and a
sudden gust of wind blew his hat off.
With fearful oath he reached down
his hat box and hurled Z after the hat.
Then he sat dow and smiled on his
fellow passengers, but of course did
not speak. The Germans roared with
laughter and one of them exclaimed:
You don't expect your hat box to
bring your hat back to you, do youP''
Il d." said the Englishman. mo
name on the hat, full name and hotel
address on the box. They'll be found
togeth 81 and shall get both; d'you see
now?'
Thel those Germans subsidized and
said they had always considered the
English great and practical nation.
DEAcoN's HAPPY THOUGHT.
New York Sun: Minister lat water