Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1887-04-07
Yours amitatively,
WILL REED,
HARRY HICKS,
GEoRGE THOMPSON,
l.. G. LINDSAY.


MEssBs, REED, HICKS, THOMPSON and
LINDSAY, at Large Gentlemen. Your
favor, dated ne CSncordia, Kan, 22d ult
is now in front of me as | write. hate
TO come in between the commercial man
and the hotels in case of this kind, es-
pecially in order 70 monkey with relations
that are already strained; and yet some
thing ought to be said at thrs time or we
may easily foreseo that the oyerworkod
Amerioad pie will at length be compelled
by reason OF brain flag TO abandon the
proud position which itnow holds relative
TO our interstate co nmerce.
/ would like TO treat this matter in
way TO insure harmony between the
travelling man and the hotel, il possible;
and yet | must confess that 1 cannot re-
Ter to pie in purely bipartisan spirit.
Pie, | may Faithfully say, seems 20 lie
nearer my heart ut times than anything
else within the great realm of grooer-
les.
| know that commercial men are prone
to ask to much of the hotels at times,
and thus they intlame the proprietors
| have known of such instances in which
the tourist was clearly in the wrong, but
the outrRges were always perpetrated
by travelling men whose early lives had
been passed in obscurity. They were
men who knew how Co catch train or
tell in rich union depot tone of voice
how many goods they sold in that town,
but they do not adorn society very much.
These are the exception however. They
are men who represent small houses, and
sleep on four seats i'll the day coach, with
their feet on the velvet collar of the uu
assuming capitalist who sits in the ad-
joining pew.
But | was n travelling man ones for
two weeks, and | have always sympathiz-
ed with those who followed this business
for livelihood. For some years | yearn-
ed TO be commercial man, with a sor-
rel travelling bag and bold signature,
intimated to several large concerns that
my services could be secured at a nomin-
al figure, but there is nothing so pulled
up or so egostical as prosperous bust
ness house aud SO they continued TO
struggle on without me,
Finally went on the road in the inter
ests of Warmers White Wine and Tar
Sirup-a preparation that would take an
old pair of second hand lungs and bright
en- them up SO that man needn't be
ashamed to dress up in them and wear
them into the best society.
! People say that travelling men are too
| forward an6 too bold, and ought TO do n
little more of the blush. unseen business,
but found when | was on the road that
| had to be bold, especially at the hotels
for the clerks were bold, the porters were
bold, and the dining room girls were also
in several instances extremely so. did
not demand the bridal chamber, gener-
ally got tea chest No. GA, with no knob
on the door, and when | would punch the
button on the denunciator il would fall
off with low, tremulous sound and roll
under the bed.
Speaking of door-knobs, reminds me
of hotel man in Washington territory
who has novel way Of keeping these
handles clean at a slight expense. He
has knobs on all doors and they are 80
arranged that they may be easily re-
moved. He has two sets for the house
one set being white and the other dapple
| bay. When one set gets soiled he re-
moves the knobs, placing them in the
soap dishes of the various rooms, where
! the guests rinse them Off thoroughly in q
vain attempt t. get lather out of them.
After they are dried the proprietor re-.
places them on the doors and the soiled
set get into the soap dishes. This hotel
is now called tho dooi-knob chop-house,
and with the slippery elm towel adopted
/ there polish is given to the guest which
he might otherwise never secure.
Gentlemen, in conclusion, hardly
know what TO cay, unless it be to add
that whatever you may decide 90 do to-
ward the publication Of this great pie
evil, provided you do not actually en-
danger human life, you may safely rely
upon me and count me in. Pie enters
into the life of every true American, anu
an unfair ,vision of pie will certainly
lead 10 open hostility and possibly in
/ testine war Do not trust the man who
robs you of your pie in order that he may
thrust il into his own corrupt systefn
The tendency of the age seems to be
| toward the Capitalization Of pie. This il
/ bound to make the thin man thinner and
\ tho fat man fatter. From statistics now
| in my hands have ascertained that we
have enough pie in America, if properly
! distributed TO give to each adult exclu-
siya of indians not taxed, one-eighth Of
a full-growu pie and still leave one-six-
teepth pie for each child Of school age