The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1887-03-10
SESTABLISHED IN
! MARCH, 1S47.
THE MERRY SIDEI
A "convicting spirit'-whisky.

! Halstead's idea-"The tax is wholesome, and
the money is useful.''
Dayton is talking of importing gas We infer
that Maj. Bickham is not at home.
,
The sunshine will soon be warm enough for
the loafer to begin his Spring work.
Halstead's plea to the Temperance Republi-
cans-"Beer with us while longer!"
Get out your pruning-knives now, and cut
your fruit-trees down to a barren stump.
50.
Onca in a while you will find a man who will
stand by the doggeries. So will green fly.
-
There are two things that will always be in
the world-sin, and the mania for oil wells.
The politicians view of the Temperance ques-
ton" Which side will be the more popular?''
A young man should not expect his friends to
hold him up. They can only help him to stand.
|
Gossip -"Oh, wouldn't say anythingsagainst
her for the world, but-and away goes reputa-
ton.
When the bridge has drifted away one can
not get across the stream by cursing the tim
bers.
| Halstead's idea of political irrigation, is that
success comes from squirting shower of Gin
cinnati lager.
Col. Glider declares he is going to find the
North Pole. He remembers that he lives in a
Gilded Age.
The coming war ship will be so heavily coated
with iron that nothing pierce but 1t
won't float.
| MI n ont her fI,ar
too many Democrats trying to scramble into
! the u. S. Senate.
Middleport has only one saloon to every
ninety persons. How in the world do they
supply the demand?
The President might facilitate matters by
furnishing Congress with blanks with veto
messages on the back.
A female pick-pociet robbed the ladies at
Cincinnati Church. But don't speak of it
maybe she was drunk!
Too many men get into the idea that it is a
terrible struggle to try to do right. Their strug-
gle is against themselves.
Bonner has been offered one hundred thou
sand dollars for MAUD s." Bonner certainly
isn't a TOOL for the want of money.
The Ironton Register has ten announcements
of candidates for Spring offices. The Spring
candidate is as faithful as the sassafras tea.
Toledo, "Nasby's" town, has lots of oil wells
and is finding lots of the grease. That glory
comes of ''pulverizing the rum power"
The Supreme Court of Ohio has decided that
the gallon-sale business under the Dow Law
would be illegal. Away go our liberties.
Watterson mourns that the North is pillaging
the South in the matter of pensions. Robbing
the South? Why, we've left you your necks.
-.
The first thing is to get Sherman or Blaine
nominated-the next to find means of hoisting
a 250-pound Democrat out of the Presidential
chair.
1t is all folly to say that skunk oil isn't good
for rheumatism. The very smell of it has been
known TO make scrippIed man get up and
run.
The U. S. Senate is now little close to be
comfortable. But if there are no old lovers
among the Republicans, we'n pull through all
right.
Joseph Reisser, Ripley doggery keeper, got
drunk on some of his own whisky, and cut his
own throat. There IS once we are prompted to
commend Satan's work.
-
Philip Blanche, of Akron. asked his girl to
marry him, and she wanted to wait awhile
Philip didn't need her "after while," for he
blew out the vacuum in his head.
boy at the Volksfrund Office, Cincinnati
polzed his head into the chute to see if he could
stop the elevator. He did it-but they had to
pull him out with scoop.
Il
The doggery-keepers of Cincinnati are organ
izing to prosecute their fellows who sell liquors
without paying paying the tax. The Devil
proposes to bite himself.
The Commercial Gazette, quoting the Arch !
bishop in denunciation of the Enquirer, is very |
rich. But what does the good man say about |
the Commercial Gazette?
1t is beautiful TO see public speaker who is |
"sacrifcing his time and talents merely for the |
love of his fellow-men," but there's a way to |
save him-just cut down the salary.
Halstead "curses' the Prohibitionists for the
election of a Democratic U. S. Senator from
New Jersey. Why, what's the reason you
didn't knock them down and drag them out ?"
-
A Columbus paper "exposes" quack doctor
who has been running bogus college, and sell
Ing diplomas His graduates" are healing the
people everywhere.
A new style "social" is to offer prize to the
man having the greatest number of patches on
his pants. These socials have the greatest runs
under Democratic administrations
~s~
We should of course send the gospel to the
heathen-but let us remember that the heather
wouldn't handle such stuff is sent though
the mails in the United States.
The Grand Army boys threaten to take action
on President Cleveland's petition for a second
term. They will "return it with reasons for
disapproval."
The people at Republic, Ohio, where the great
railroad horror occurred, have been seeing
ghost. 1t is probably the Old Boy looking for
the engineer and conductor of the freight.
Nilsson was frightened by an earthquake
that a dispatch says she "was completely upset."
This would do for a ballet-dancer-but scarcely
foI prima donna.
The New York Prohibltion1sts loudly cheered
the name of Blaine, at a recent meeting. That's
probably because they had much fun with
him in the last Presidential campaign.
-
There has been little improvement or ad-
vancement in art. The hieroglyphics found in
the ancient cities, compare very favorably with
the penmanship of aImodern professional man.
-
A Democrat in the Indiana Legislature
threatened to throw spittoon at Republican
member. 1t would doubtless have been his
most decent dellverance before the house.
Armour, the great pork-packer, says he uses
cotton seed oil, largely, in making lard. Well,
after all, it is perhaps not so tough as some of
the clean lard, and couldn't smell any worse.
"a "
over on the river last week the inhabitants
went TO their front doors, took long, fond
look at the swelling Ohlo-and solemnly walk
ed upstairs.
western woman wept SO repeatedly during