Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1887-01-29
THE FIREMAN HASH ISSAY
HE TELLS SOME FUNNY STORIES
FROM BIS EXPERIENCE.


Crank Inventors and the Things they
Palm on on the Railroads.&c. Con-
trivance to Save Coal on Locomotive
and How 1t WorlEed-The Way some
Sharp Railroad Men Get Taken In.
The crank who goes to the ticket agent
and asks what time the y o'clock train
comes In is not the only teller that bothers
railroad men," said a Central fireman to
MORNING NEWS reporter.
You'd be surprised to know how
many cranks railroad men have
TO deal with. They come on all
sorts o. business, and there amt
more'n one case in ten when you
wouldn't take 'em for Iunatics. The
crank that's got an invention is the fell
Ter that causes most bother. He's got
way O. goin' down to the shops an inter
viewin' the foreman. Generally he's got
a new car coupler, or he's got cOntri-
vance for sayin' fuel. There was Teller
down at the shops once with
patent brick shield to
go in the fire-boX, which
he said would save fuel enough in year
TO pay for an engine. The thing had some
good points about it, am the foreman said
he'd give it trial lie had it put in the
engine l was firm. Just before we
started out on the run to Atlanta the
teller that owned the patent was dancin'
roun' the engine blowin' about what
wonderful thing he'd done,
"'Why, bless my soul he said, that
shield will save third o. the coal you've
been burnin' between here N Atlanta,
am on the down trip it'll save third
more.'
by George said | to the engineer,
IF that's so we'll soon be runnin' up m
down the road without burnin' any coal
at ALP
"Well, sir, the thing was the deadest
failure ever you saw. The coal would
lodge over behind 1t, an | hope / may
never handle a shovel again if we didn't
go into Atlanta three hours behind time.
We didn't use it comm back"
IT WOULDN'T WORK.
GOD you ever hear o. the feller with the
arrangement for gettin' rid o. the smoke
from the engine?'' inquired another fire.
man who was standing near.
No" replied the reporter, show
was it?'
81 was firm over on the Georgia Pa
cihc, year or so ago, an teller came
along with arrangement for tskln' the
smoke from the stack an carryin' it
down under the engine and along under
the cars. If the thing had worked 1t
would have been mighty good thing,
cause 1t would have kept the smoke an
cinders out o. the eyes o. the
passengers. But it wouldn't
work. The foreman O the shops
oyer'n Birmingham fitted one o. the things
on an engine an sent me an my engi-
neer out with IL. There wasn't no trouble
the first mile, cause we were runnin'
slowly; but when we got to runnin'
thlrty.tYe miles an hour there come
tremendous jerk on the bell line an
bang went the gong in the cab.
Great SCOTS. What's the matter%
yelled the engineer, PUTIN on the air
brakes an lOokin' as pale as a ghost.
blessed if | knowr ! shouted, Jump
in OF the engine an runnin' back.
"'Well, gentlemen, If you'd been there
you'd seen something the likes o which
you never saw before. The conductor an
the trainmen an couple o. big drummers
were helpln' the passengers out o. the
cars as quick as they could, while the
baggagemaster was pOurin' water on 'em,
WHAT'S the matUer? said l.
"The conductor looked at me IS if he
could whip the world.
"Why, spend rule 80, he said-thats
the rule against swearin'-'an' FL tell
YOU
"'Well,' said |, 'it's 'spended'
"'Theh,' said the conductor, that
blankity-0lank smoke 'rangement you've
got on the engine has just bout sutfO-
Gated every passenger on this train
Am, gentlemen, that's what was the
matter. the thing had carried the smoke
down under the cars an the wind had
blown it up into 'em. If we hadn't
stopped just when we did, every passen-
ger would have been sutfocated, sure"
FALL-TO-PIECEs CARS.
81 see" said the first fireman tStbat
some fool newspaper man wants to make
the railroads run cars that'll fail to pieces
when they run of the track. Now that
feller's the biggest crank in the United
States. Amt he got sense enough to
know that the mbers would make short
work o. every man, woman an child in
the cars? What the railroads want is
cars that wont fall to pieces. I'll bet nv
mead against q toothpick that that leller's
got patent fall-tO-pieces car he wants to
work oil on some unsuspectin' railroad"
LIGHTS THAT WOULDN'T KEEP BURNING
"'Taking about fall-to-pieces ears"
said the second fireman, "a feller once
got the Georgia Pacific to try lamp he'd
invented. He said tnat there wasn't 10
danger in mis- lamp, cause soon . il was
Jared it would 20 out. He was
right. The first trip his invention
was used two Jrainmen Were
worked mighty nigh to death tryin' to
keep the lights burnin.' You see, every
time there was the slightest jar. every
hight would 90 out. The passengers got
mad an cusssd by platoons, an they'd
nave whipped the conductor II he hadn't
stopped at a station an bought some can
dies. tell you, gentlemen, they're
mighty careu III how they lOol with cranks
over on the Georgia Pacific. now"