The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1887-03-11
BILL MyE.s AFFL,cT,oM.


BILL NYE'S AFFLlCTlON.
TAs Hansssss sseeunhs - the Astaeln -
Ssven Hoe-HeaaeA Bells.
ana Just having = highly humorous
experience with boilA To others this
announcement will come with no ele-
pent Of sadness, perhaps. but 20 me it
brings thrill Of the keenest and most
poignant anguish. A man might 60
all over whole county and not find
any thing more poignant than these
boils seem to me.
There are seven Of these little bios
SONS. and they hang in . ripe cluster
on the back of my neck. about two
inches below what the phrenologists
call love of home.
had never brought out boil until
last week. though l have led very
checkered life. but on Thursday morn
ing l awoke to find myself the parent
of seven cunning little red-headed
boils about the size of pumpkin-seed.
They are small. but oh how restless
they are. and how they struggle with
each other for supremacy!
People who live here Baskerville, N.
CO. say these boils are result of the
climate. The air here is especially cal
culated to bring out any thing in the
line of latent humor. A man who had
been running q humorous weekly pa
per in the far West came here and in
two weeks he broke out SO that his
friends had to do him up in poultice
seven feet long.
am not doing much for these bo:ls,
because want to teach them to be self
relian. and depend upon themselves.
One of them was puny little thing at
first, and l felt sorry for it when my
friends told me about it. Ican not see
these boils. of course. as they are not in
the direct line of vision, being on the
back of my neck. So get a friend.-
one I can trust-and / let him come
and tell me how they are doing from
time to time.
This little boil at first did not bid fair
to hold out more than q day or two.
but yesterday it began to throw aside
its lethargy and to realize that life is
real. 1t is fully abreast Of the others
now and has large and very active
crater to it.
For three days I put various things
on the bOils; among others soap. sugar,
the white of an egg. ground flaxseed.
bread and milk, bread and molasses,
ETC., ETC., etc. There were other things
recommended. but as the bOils were all
in cluster I had to try one thing at a
time. With seven bOils well distri-
buted 1 might have tried several REM
edies at once. but did the best 1 could.
In three days / have rendered thirteen
dollars worth of groceries entirely use
less to the consumer.
One great difficulty has been the un-
satisfactory results Of my efforts to get
any sleep. Before was overtaken by
the poll-evil used to rest on the back
of my head and neck at night good
deal. but after a few experiments with
my head pillowed on these seven little
hot-headed boils l found that it made
my head too high.
Boils visit the rich and poor alike,
the humble and the exalted. They
are not mark of greatness, for boils
frequently come to the obscure and the
unknown. They do not come with the
seeking. and they are not to be OBJ
tanned by study and effort Boils fall
to the lot of many whose lives would
otherwise be void Of incident To
such they are indeed great benson,
or may be used as such. How many
people do we know who have haught
else to show US in the way Of pro-
gress, but kind Providence has be-
slowed boil upon them now and
then, which they. can exhibit as an ev-
idence that they are not remaining alb
solutely stagnant?
The felon also is a queer article, the
usefulness Of which has not been thor
oughly made clear to my mind. There
are ninety-eight different things that
are good for felon, each of which will
make it ache first rate. and that seems
to be the principal object both with
felOns and boils. Some cut the finger
open in treating felon and scrape the
bone with a corncob or a wood rasp.
About the only way to cure a felon is
to seriously injure the finger and then
cure the injury.
A lady friend Of mine was once at
tackled by felon. and in response to
the advice of friends used to cut a
small, round hole in a lemon every day
and in this aperture she would insert
the felon. 1t did not do the felOn much
good, but it was great source of COM
fort to her young son. who crawled out
of his crib every night and finished the