Mower County transcript., 1887-08-31
JOKER'S CORNER.
AMOS KEETER.


swiftly winging, seeking out place for
stinging through you hide:
Vn gore tbs ever wadin', lanced from
gSandam and from maiden, till its veins
are over-laden with the stuff.
And yet, thoughsrich3E its diet, the smaller
creeterne're is quiet, and you really
can't come nigh (which is tuff:
You think you're sure to lam it, and against
the wall you jam it, but you'll sadly
mutter dammit as it skips:
nose he'll teeter, and he says ''This is
my meat-er'-as he nips. 49,.
ConfOund the 4retched creature, he swellS
your every feature, as he bleeds you like
leach or dineth off your face.
o, if he sang in Eden, no stronger proof I'm
needin' of the cause of the secedin' from
the place. .A Cleveland Sun.
SHE FOUND 1T.
.'Sis," he said, "do you know where
my base ball mask is? I've hunted high
and low for it.''
II didn't know you wanted to use it
to-day, Dick" said his sister uneasily.
swell, do.'
"I'll see if can find it for you," and
she went up stairs. She found it with
,ut much trouble.
REFORM NEEDED.
tsGubbins, what's the reason the mos
luitoes bite you so persistently and
don't touch me at all?' "Well,I don't
know, johnson, but it seems to me
when a man gets so far gone that even
mosquito won't have anything to do
with him it $ high time he reformed and
sook bath. =
UNPREPARED.
Sympathizing Friend-Poor John
lied so suddenly. Sorrowful Widow
Awful sudden. was unprepared for
t. Poor dear.'' II hadn't rag in
he house that would do for mourning
wear. ."-Philadelphia Dispatch.
REVISED AND AMENDED.
A good story to tell the children on
the value of politeness is going the
:ounds about the monkey which, when
about to be assaulted by q dog, lifted
his hat politely, as he had been taught
20 do, while the abashed dog skunk
away with his tail between his legs.
This is good little story, and it has
good little moral, but it isn't the way
we used to hear it in the days when we
played monkey and our bearing toward
ye ancient pedagogue was not exactly
Chesterfeldian. AS the original ver-
sion had it, the monkey jumped nimbly
On the dogs back and had him whip
ped before the pup knew what had hold
Of him.
But that was in the good old days
when. if a boy didn't look out sharp for
aumber one, he didn't cut much of a
figure in the community.
FORGIVENESS.
McReilly-I can't make out your
friend Bowser. Yesterday I read him
an original poem of 80 stanzas, and at
its conclusion he walked away without
q word of comment. Bagley (enthusi-
astically)-That's just like Bowser!
He's the most forgiving man I ever
Observation-Disclosures Call.
WASTED REGRETS.
There is no use crying over spilled
milk. 1t may be three parts water.
NOT UP IN YANKEE IDIoaIs.
Payson fuckers latest is flying
along the line of the Maine Central
faster than the vestibule train. One of
the Italians employed on the Megantic,
finding macaroni and a dollar and a
half more than offset by work, mosqui-
toes and black flies, skedaddled to Port
land, where in the hope of arousing
sympathy and procuring pass to New
York, he called upon Mr.. Tucker and
said: "What you call them people
what have no father and no mother?"
''Son-of-a-gun," promptly responded
Mr.. Tucker. "That's me, that's me-"
ieiterated the Italian.
AL1TTLE DUCK.
French Woman Cat Long Branch)-
Oh, we hat sooch fine time bathing
b de otcean, M'sleur Brown, he gif me
-vot you call 'em-a gosling.
American Woman-A gosling! Why,
gosling is little auck.
French Woman-zat is vat he gn me
"a little duck.
ENGAGED FOE THE HEIRS.
When Mexican Buchanan was play
ing in Sacramento many years ago a
local critic went for his acting of
Shakespeare very severely. Buchanan
went to well-known lawyer and con-
suited him as to a suit. The lawyer
heard him all through and then said:
"I'm very sorry I cannot take your
case. I'm engaged for the heirs of
Shakespeare.
The lawyer thought this very funny,
and one day, being in San Francisco,
he met Tom Mcguire. They went in
to have drink, and the lawyer told
Tom the story. Tom laughed heartily
and drank his whisky. Then he said,
kind of thoughtfully:
II didn't know Shakespeare had any
heirs in Sacramento ,I i
NIGHTCAPS.
A passenger about to leave steamer
and pass muster of the custom house
officers was asked what he had In bis
satchel. - 81 ass 3sz.5
':Nothing but clothes,'' said he.
sT nok for vnurso1f1 = - s%2