Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1887-02-28

Musical advice for slippery day-See
sharp, or you viii soon be fat.
1t is better for John Sullivan to have
his arm in sling than his moustache.
A Dead Head.-The rural editor who
gives $40 worth of puffs for a 5O-cent
circus ticket.
When we talk about mean temperature
in New England now a days we mean
what we say.
a novel just out is entitled, Yeast. -
FrOpcI .UIIUugu. I > H. If q ris-
ing young author.
College Education-A proficiency in
| boating, baseball, and sometimes in other
branches of learning.
The backbone of winter is little soft
in places, but it will bend good deal
before it will break.
Hog stealing has become SO common,
said Chicago dealer, THAT don't dare
to go to bed at night"
In teaching the young idea how to
chute, the toboggan slide is powerful
rival of the schoolmarm.
Sam Jones refused to address a gath
ering of newspaper men in Boston. Sans
time is too valuable to throw away.
Perhaps women don't stand any higher
than they did thirty years ago, but they
certainly sit higher-with their hats on
81 wouldn't be fool. if I were you, .
said Jones to his friend. "If you were
me you wouldn't be fool" was the reply.
s'I wish was like you, Bimber. You
seem to do as you please" ''DO /? You
forget, though, that l am married man. .
They were at the circus: ''Have you
ever seen Mile. La Rue's great feat?'
Mo- she replied. ''Is she a Chicagoan
or a ST. Louis woman?'
.eOh, I've loved beforel' said a six
weeks bride to her fourth husband, as
she affectionately took a handful of hair
from his head Gt was wig).
a Cincinnati enthusiast has arranged
for the marriage of Edwin Booth with
Agnes Herndon in the near future. Have
the contracting parties been notified?
Ovkaloosa, Ia, has just lost an eight
een-year-old hen. She went away into the
woods and died the day before she was
to have been sacrificed on the boarding
house altar.
Why is a small boy like a woman?" ask
ed a New Hartford man of his trouble
some wife. There was no response. BE
cause he will make man grown" said
the conundrumist.
ssHow much older is your sister than
YOU Johnnie?" Il dunno, Maud useter be
twenty-five years, then she was twenty
and now she amt only eighteen; 1 guess
we'll soon be twins.
Husband-I have just been seeing poor
Mrs BIackedged. How little idea L had
how captivating she would look in wild
| ow's weeds" Wife-Unfortunately we
| can't all be widows"
More than eight million umbrellas were
| manufactured in this country last year
We don't ask what has become of this
vast number, but we would like to know
where three of them went to.
| An auStere-lOok1ng lady walked INTO
| furriers one day and said to the yellow
headed clerk: 81 would like to get &
muff. .'What fur?" inquired the dude
ITO keep my hands warm, you simperine
/ IDIOT" exclaimed the madame, crushing
him like a thunder storm.
A lady is showing a visitor the family
portraits in picture gallery. ''That offic
er in uniform" she says was my great
great grandfather. He was as brave as {
lion, but one of the most unfortunate OF
men. He never fought battle in which
| he did not have an arm or leg carried
away Then she adds, proudly HI
took part in twenty-four engagements.
Brace Up.
You are feeling depressed, your appetite is poo
you are bprheyed with Headache you aFefdgetty
nervous and generally out Of sorts and want =
brace up. Brace up, bat not with stiInulants
spring medicines, or bitters which have for thel
basis very cheap, bav whiskey, and which stimu
late YOU for an hour, and then leave You in wors
condition than before. What You want is al
terative that will purify you blood, start health
action of Liver and Kidneys. restore your VitaIit
and give renewed health and strenth. Such a med