Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1887-08-30
GREEN.

Marshall P. Wilder tells of small boy
walking down country lane with basket
of green apples on his arm, singing ''Nearer,
My God, to Thee"
'John, John, there's burglar in the
house I hear him at the eupboard!"
"Where you put that pies'
Eyes. Oh, John, where are you goinga"
'I'm going down to rescue him. Wash
ington Critic.
A landed aristocraey is well founded.
Adam, the first gentleman of his time, was
made of dirt. He was finished gentleman
and the finest thing in the world until a wo-
man was made, and he had to furnish the
material for that creation.-New Orleans
Picayune.
"You have lively set of clerks" he said
to the proprietor of the establishment. fsIt
must be pleasant and profitable to have en-
ployes SO full of energy and vim"
eyes" responded the proprietor, 1--WE close
early o-day and they are getting ready to go
home. New York Sun.
Young mani cannot understand, sir, why
you permit your daughter to sue me for
breach of promise. You remember that you
were bitterly opposed to our engagement be-
cause wasn't good enough for her and would
disgrace the family.
Old man-Young man, that was sentiment;
this is business.-New York Sun.
Husband-I CAM. stand this any longer.
You make me desperate.
Wife-So you have said before.
Husband-I'm going into the next room to
kill myself.
Wife-The spare rooms 1 guess not. II
you want to kill yourself the woodshed is
plenty good enough.-Omaha Herald.
A practical joker, who was probably al
idle man, noticed that on q certain day of
the week pudding was placed on the ledge
of window to cool, and when the pudding
was due invested in bean blower and q box
of Mandrake pills. Sitting at the window
he blew the pudding full of pills. Puddings
are no longer exposed on that back window.
tsSir," said gentleman in crowd, "do
you know that you are pushing me unneces-
sarily"
Sir" said the gentleman addressed to the
party Immediately behind him, 'sdo you
know that you are pushing the gentleman
ahead of me unnecessarily" Then he turned
to the first speaker and said 'sI've PISSED il
down the line. "-Harper's Bazaar.
Chicago Hospitality. - Chicago Man
Welcome, my old friend. Welcome to glori
GUS America
Distinguished Observation-Disclosures accepting
your hospitality it is my duty to deliver some
messages from our chief officials to the chief
officials of Chicago.
s'Well, I'll hustle around and see if any OF
them are out of jail."-Omaha World
A young fnancier, aged four, who was
given five cents for every mouse caught in q
small trap, finally asked leave to spend the
proceeds. The nurse was told to go wher-
ever he led her to see what he proposed buy
ing. He passed all the toy and candy shops,
but paused before q hardware shop, and
pointing 70 the window exclaimed triumph.
antly: 81 buy more mouse trap, Fannyi''-
Epoch.
"Does your watch keep good time, Mr.. Go
nevera' she asked of her caller about II
O'Clock that night as he consulted his chro-
nometer. ooh, dear, yes; very good time,
Miss Weary; very indeed; why did you asks'
'tI amagined it might be an honr or two
slow, you know" she answered, and yawned
behind her fan. It was 1:45 before young
| Gonever apprehended her meaning and acted
on it.-Buffalo Courier.