Springfield daily republic. [volume] (Springfield, O. [Ohio]) 1887-1888, 1887-12-29
NO FUN TO BE A CAR.
BIZ Nye's Dissertation on Some Obvious
Discomforts Of Royalty.

BIZ Nye's Dissertation on some Obvious
Discomforts Of Royalty.
II ANYTHING could reconcile the average
American boy TO the fact that he Is not
car, it would be the late story Of Mr..
Sirakosch to the effect that his imperial
majesty once, when the czarowitch played
Q French obligato to the song given by
Nine Nilsson, and that years after, when
he had become full blown car, the or
chestra affected him TO tears, for it
brought hack the memory Of that blessed
time when he did not have 10 put on a
sheet iron overcoat to 60 out and get the
morning paper.
Happier indeed was this great man,
with his French horn and his portfolio rs
czarowitch, living from hand to mouth,
than in after years as a thirty second de-
gree car with mighty empire under his
thumb and q fractions bomb under his
throne.
Greatness brings with IL newspaper
criticism, loss Of appetite, languor, cold
feet and death. And even in death great
man does not stand much Of Q chance.
Relic hunters come and try to break into
his grave and carry fragments OF his sys-
TEN away to remember him by, and the
historian criticises him to his hearts con-
tent.
For this reason We ought to appreciate
q country where we need not be great If
we would rather not. A car really has
no alternative. He can avoid being q
czarina by beginning in time, but when
be discovers that he is q czarowitch he
knows that il is good-by, John, as the
Russians have it. Here the rules are less
severe. A man may escape greatness for
years and years. He may be president OF
the United States today and promoting
pullets tomorrow.
The utmost latitude is given to an
American. He cannot only abstain from
beingsgreat, but after he has been great
our people will excuse a man and allow
him to insert himself into obscurity again
in case he feels more comfortable that
way. But a car has no chance. He
really has no fun at all. As soon as he
discovers that his lineage is big he is open
TO criticism, and cannot do anything un-
dignified.
A car who would play shorstop In Q
picked nine or 60 about the country deliv.
ering humorous lecture, would be ostra
cized. Many long, hot summer day he
has to stay on big red throne and reigr
while mediocre men 60 fishing. Jus; rs
he thinks he is alone and takes off his hat.
ermine trimmed robes. thinking that he
will sit IN his shirt sleeves and play n few
strains on his French horn, courtier
comes in and, making low oheisancc,
states that he has ukase which ought u
be issued in time TO catch the 2 O'Clock
| mail.
Then it Is disasreeable for a man to be
a car and suddenly find himself the
parent of grand duke whom he don't
exactly feel at liberty 10 spank No man
really wants to spank . grand duke, nc
matter how little he is. As Americans,
we do not fully appreciate the blessings Of
| freedom which are denied to a ear.
Czarinas also have pretty hard row to
hoe, to Use an Americanism- They have
TO meet all the social demands that are
made upon them and entertain neighbor.
/ ing potentates, see that they have hot
water and clean towels in their rooms
while visiting at their houses, and show
them the best places TO trade while in the
city. They also have to have general
oversight of the children, SO that theiI
distracted country will not run short Of 9
monarch.
II is no uncommon thing for q czarina
to say to visiting dynasty: Excuse me
a moment, Your royal altitoodleum; his
Dibs, the grand duke, has just informed
me that her emircnce, the grand duch'
css, his sister, has got "A Lima bean NJ
her nose.-Biu Nye in New York World