Omaha daily bee., 1887-05-15


not be this day pumping up JOY over the
election of a friend instead of himself to the
United States senate. The tide seems to
have turned against millionaires for the
senate. The objection to Camden was that
he had great deal of money. Those who
would have been glad to support him for the
usual reasons did not dare to.
THE SUNDAY CHIP BASKET.
AFTER the Fourth OF July man can gam
Dol, but he cannot gamble.
THEY are now using what they call sneeze-
less snuff. 1t cheers, but does not iiebrlate.
1t is intended for prohibtioniStS who vote a
straight ticket.
DIR. MARY WALKER continues to stir
around Washington like big rooster that
just came out of q misfit store. She is now
working up pananti-C Chewing Tobacco society.
A FANArIcAL exchange says: "Saloons
have been the cause of all trouble The ice
cream saloons are about the main trouble
just now; particularly to young men of mod
crate incomes.
HENRY BERGH, the animals friend, has
printed rules on "How to approach kicking
bOrse." What has long been needed to fill
yawning vacuum in this world Of mysteries,
are rules. slow to gracefully recede from a
kicking mule"
A CORRESPONDENT writes us: us thar
much stalk raising in Nebraska" The
gentlemen no doubt had heard of our won
derful corn crop, and wants to know If re-
ports are true. There is stalk raising and
stock raising in Nebraska.
"WHY is it," asks the New York Herald,
that Peter Smith, who was hanged yester-
day in the courtyard of the TOmbs prison,
slept we'll the night before and ate good
breakfast within half an hour of his execu-
ton" WE'LL the thought that he was get
| ting out of New York probably accounts for
| his cOmpOSure,
THE Herald boasts that it Is the only paper
| that publishes Talmage's sermon in this part
| Of the state, The other day one OF the rural
readers of that paper dropped in and thus ad-
dressed the edtor-in-chief: "fve jist been
a readin' Talmage's sermon. and it sounds
| jst tor all like had writ 1t myself. Theirs
| a splashn' an dashin'of H--ll-for-Sartin
| in it, and jist enough crcus-bill eloquence to
| stir up dimcrat on Election day, Won
| der why the parsOn don't run for congress-"
THE New York assembly has passed the
| bill allowing concert saloons to be accom-
panied with cOpiOus draughtS of beer. Fire
water and music, as hath been said, possess
| charms to sOOthe the savage breast, and it
should follow that the exhierating elixer,
known as hop juice mash, interspersed with
| strains of heavenly music dra wn from a
violin by an Intoxicated fiddler, is all that is
required to charm New YOrk's pOpulace. The
Herald made fl ght for the bill, and claims,
undisputed, the glory OF its passage.
| THERE haye not been great many men
| in the history of the world who have sue
ceeded In accomplishing wonders more than
once during their life times. II every man
had succeeded in anchoring his name to even
one great achievement, history would neces-
sarly have been built on much larger scale
than 1t has, and our libraries would have
been by this time wonders in themselves in
size and matter. The man who spent the
biblical three score years and ten trying to
corral q wonder, finally succeeded, as is
attested by the new hotel, corner Tenth
street and Farnam, and emphasized by other
evidences in the cellar thereof. In fact it
has been asserted tat the wonder was more
stupendOus than was absolutely essential to
the perpetuity of the projectors name, and
| that 1t would have answered just as well, for
| all practical purposes, ii he had only made
the excavation and not filled 1t with tin cans
or allowed it to be used for base ball
| ground.
THE unmarried ladies of Newton, New
| Jersey, have formed an anti-yce association,
| al 10 nII
drink liquor or use tobacco. In view of this
high-handed and unheard Of outrage, the
question is presented how will this matter
end? There Is that old featherless and
comely saying that what is sauce for the
goose is sauce for the gander, and its apDli-
cation Is liable to leave the fair creatures
of Newton high and dry upon the banks of
| that land where old maids marryeth nOt--be-
| cause opportunity is wanting. Suppose the
| gallant gentlemen should Orler boycott
| upon every lady who uses, or attempts to use,
| for any purpose whatsoever, paint or powder?
| Suppose the royal edict should rule that who
sOevei shall practice the savage customs of
| banging, or friZzing, the hair; or resort TO
| the more hideOus custom of maintaining, for
| mans s solo delight, spit curlS or pug dogs
wouldn't Newton present lonely and desc
| late appearance? We shudder to think of
these things, and wonder where 1t all will
| end.
! WITH the street sprinkler, the man with
the straw hat. and the days when the mer-
curry climbs upon the highest building in
| town and looks down with scOrn upon the
scorching streets crowded with swelterlng
humanity, the circus season comes. The
gentleman who has Travelled IN all countries,
and whose stories would make Baron Mum
chausen weep, comes along as the advance
agent of the "Earth's Wonder" He has
grown round shoudered carrying the title Of
colonel. He pervades the newspaper sane
tum and expectOrates at random in the hotel
corridor. lie Is the harbnger of one happy
day for children and the old folks are
accordingly delighted to know that their
stern aud solemn duty is to accompany the
little ones to see the animals. The circus Is
one of mans richest creations in the amuse-
ment line, and when old Noah started ou
with his costly consolidation OF aggregated
wonders, he established aprecedent and gave
caste to the menagerie business which will
make IT through all ages the admiration OF