The morning news. [volume] (Savannah, Ga.) 1887-1900, 1887-08-11
HIS INFORMATION BUREAU.
Bill Nye Takes a Man Into His Conf
dence and Educates Him.


dence and Educates Him.
From the Neto York World.
l have received the following note from
another anxious inquirer after truth:
JERSEY CITY, n. J., July q.
DEAR SIR: Would you mind giving a
little space to an explanation of naturaliza-
ton as praotised in this country, together
with its effectst How would | go to work
to become naturalizeds What are the first
steps? What would be the result of natu-
ralization here, or in New York city, in
case | afterward concluded to return to
England, where | was born! What are my
duties toward the United States pending
my naturalization, and what are the duties
of the United States toward me during the
same time! What were the peculiar doc
trines of the Druids? Which is proper to
say Sweat or "perspirep What is the
most past or perfect tense of sweat! Would
you advise a young man, AZ years of age,
to begin the study of fifteen-ball-pooi.
What is the popularity of classical music,
and how can one distinguish it! What do
you think of my handwritinga
TRUTH SEEKER.
Naturalization, according to Theodore D.
Woolsey, who has practiced it for years,
takes place when an alien transfers his
allegiance from the country of his origin
and the sovereign of the same to another
country and sovereign. Your best method
for becoming naturalized in the State of
New Jersey would be to write to her most
gracious majesty, Queen of Great Britain,
Empress of India, general assistant parent
to his royal badness the Prince of Wales,
and leading regina of the known world,
asking her to return your letters and hence
forth to regard you only as friend.
Naturalization may be partial or COM
plete, and may be detected by any one who
is a close observer Naturalization is most
been aliens, and allowed it to get the upper
hand of them" Under the constitution of
the United States no naturalized citizen can
be President, and great many who have
not had any difficulty of that kind fiDd that
this industry is overcrowded. So, if you
come to this country with burning desire
to obtain employment as President, you had
better give it up. We never elect a man
who has been an alien, and who is liable to
have it break ont on him again whenever
the sun gets very hot. We have made it a
rule for years, il possible, to elect thick
set, self-made American citizen to the Pres
idency, and then we feel free to so and
board with him, and make suggestions to
him, and tread frosted cake into his body
Brussels carpet.
There are several steps that you might
take in order to get naturalized in this coun-
try Your maiden step, however, would be
TO get born on a foreign strand. You could
then begin active preparations for becoming
naturalized, such, for instance, as crossing
the ocean, and while leaning over the piazza
of the ship and peering down into the soft,
green waves diveSting yourself of your po-
litical disabilities.
You could hurry up your naturalization
here by enlisting in the army. You can, if
RI
like it, too, | think. 1t would also be
pleasanter for the army. Nothing lonelier
can be conceived of than the picture of an
army with no one to talk to. So, if you
could be contented to unite with our army,
| think it would be good thing for both of
you.
If you came out of the war unscathed,
you could be made an American citizen
without further trouble, and if you became
killed while acting as the left wing of the
regular army, your eternal welfare would
be enhanced as soon as it was generally I'M
derStood that you came from America.
You do not state IN your letter whether
you are white or colored. You simply say
that you are an Englishman In writing to
newspaper you ought to be explicit and
state your case fully. If you are white
man from England. you may be natnralized
by denouncing your own sovereign in I'M
daughter Frances. Your health would then
be good and your vote would be counted. If
you are a coored Englishman, we would
reserve the right TO inquire who you voted
for before counting your vote.
Your duty towards the United States.
pending your naturalization, would be to
write home as often as possible, referring to
the great blessings of American freedom
and showing the poor, oppressed foreigner
how much GlJiclpr and q Sinr bp ppt his
expressing done here than elsewhere,
The duty of the United States towards
you in the meantime is to protect you from
foreign invasion and throw our navy around
you so that you may go to bed every night
without fear of invasion, for no foreign
power would so far forget what is due to
the agel or helpless as to attack our navy
So you would lie always safe, and if YOU
took plenty of exercise and did not get your
feet wet while being natriralized you would
make good citizen and enjoy good health
The duty of the United States towards an
umnaturaliZed citizen is quite plain, but not
irks0me. The United States, as republic,
never allows its obligations toward the Off
spring of monarchy to prey on it. So,
if you wish to come forward and repent and
be naturaizcd, you will always find the
United States ready to treat you white
do not know much about the Druids.
Our folks were mostly Wings and Episco-
palians The DrIlids, Gs near as can learn.
We're n kind of open-air sect, who worshiped
a sylvan god, ate watermelons during dog
days and regretted it till the ground froze
up They were the first religious organiza-
ton to introduce the custom of borrowing
money in this world with the understanding
that it was TO be paid in the next. Prior to
that the custom of drawing promissory
notes and making them payable sixty days
after death had never obtained. It was a
good deal more fun to be a Druid than it
was to run general store where the Druids
did their trading.
II you are a poor man, sweat is good
enough for you. If you keep help in the
house, let them do the sweating and you can
perspire if you feel like it. The present of
the verb sweat is sweat; past, sweat or swat.
The future tense will, in a measure, depend
on the kind of life you lead here.
II you are AZ years Of age do not try TO
play fifteen-ball pool, unless your money is
making you It's slave. have only played
two games of pool in my life and both
times / got the No. s ball and, when it came
my turn TO play, other hands had gathered
the persimmons Once it was a saw-off,
and bad the pleasure of clting the leather
tip off the end Of my che while the others
played, and then | contributed 81 Is to
wards the enjoyment of parties who repaid
my liberality with the coarsest and most
brutal laughter. have paid out between
So and 81 for games thus far which | did