Wichita eagle., 1887-07-29
THE DRUMMER DID IT.
L Glass of Honest and Enthusiastic
Nuisances Who Never Die.

Glass of Honest and Enthusiastic
Nuisances Who Never Die.
An Investigations by archeologists into tho
various races and their history break on an
tnexplicable influence that seems to connect
widely different places, periods and peoples
They find old jars in use in India that the
mound builders had here, and they come
across iron teaspoons in the primeval forest
beds Of coal. They are astonished to find the
gridiron of the north OF Ireland figuring in
the social life of China three or four thousand
years ago. The Bedouin Arab has the crmv
blanket of the Esquimaux, and in the ruins OF
Pompeii they come across peanut shells hke
what the sweeper sweeps out Of the gallery OF
the theatre to-day. Well, why IS this. Archae-
ologists cannot tell can. The mysterious
ubiquitous influence that leaves no track save
the article is simply the drummer. 1t was
the drummer who did it all He left those
curious Grecian scrolls in Egypt; he carved
those hieroglyphics on the rocks Of ancient
Britain; be is the man who introduced French
candy into Herculaneam and stuck the
mound builders with iron teaspoons.
Do you ever know what becomes OF
drummerl Not that you care, but have You
ever seen a dead drummeri don't believe
drummers die I believe they simply talk
themselves into gas @Gas thou art, TO gas
returnest was written OF the drummer. l
have met one or two men who have been
drummers. but they do not talk much abous
# When drummer gets tired OF talking
he just disappears / do not see how TINS
country survives the existence Of drummera
You go into small country place: you step
into the hotel; you find in the office sixteen
coats hanging up on the wall and sixteen
valises in a row on the floor, and sixteen men
sitting with their thirty-two feet up on the
stove, telling sixteen lies about their business
and their adventures, all at one time. y on
can't get what you want In that town Inc
drummers have made the store keepers buy
what they have to sell, and you've got 70 take
1t or 60 without. It seems almost impossible
to believe that a drummer should ever D
able to disguise his identity. He is, as rule.
aggressive and runs things
II you see a man come into the office OK
hotel and step up umidly to the counter eno
ask the clerk il there are any letters for MN.
please, you may know that he's humble
private citizen and plain guest II you Sc
fellow bang open tbs door. stride in and
leave it open behind him, 90 and hang bin
coat on peg and jam his valise on the hocr,
walk behind the counter, take out all the Isl
ters and read the addresses from every box,
open the drawer and look In, then yoa' know
til drummer-good for one nights lodging
and several drinks he generally lets every.
body know that he's sold . lot Of stuff, and b
talks very loud about tho fun he's had some
times But they told me- Of one drunme,
who called himself . count. and vore long
fur lined ulster and an imposing foreign look
ting mustache BE came In the summer sear
son and stayed a long tina He was the rage;
tbs girls fell in love with him; the nlauinas
admired him; be was On the eve OK getting
engaged % a naughty San Francisco bells,
when lady walked into drug store one day
and found MIN with lot Of Samples OF soap,
trying TO stick the proprietor with his stock
That let him out and be DISAPPEARED But
the profession disowned hin, for rs q rule the
drummer Is a straightforward. open, honest
and enthusiastic nuisance-San Francisco
Chronicle