The clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1883-1888, 1887-06-08

so she gets no nice toothpiek shoes like
yours, but goes ehumping around ike
a sheep in a dry goods box"
Darn my skin if don't
mo, you won't; You viii just let her
work right along. and then you win
marry some high-tiyer who will pull
every hair out of your head, and serve
you right too"
Professor. for mercy's sake. stop"
when you know, and know, that
if your wife had chance to rest, had
nice clothes like other women. she
would be one of the handsomest wo-
men in the town.
Il swan. | believe it"
And, old as she is, if YOU were To
get out the carriage next Sunday and
drive around with the colts, and tell
her you wanted her to go to meeting
with you, she would actually blush
with pleasure.
BLAMED if / don't do it."
Then, Monday. if You were to tell
her you were going to hire a girl, and
that she must sit in the Sitting-room by
that new nickel-plated coal stove and
work on that new silk dress You are
going to buy her"
Professor, that's she"
And then hand her a nice wallet
with steel clasps and with five new $50
notes in it. and tell her to do her own
trading after this, because you have
got tired of looking after SO much
money"
Il will, as sure as you live"
'.And then when the tear stands in
her eye and the same old blush comes
out that you thought was so nice when
you went on that teeter to Albany, if
you should kiss her
''It's all right, professor"
Then, my friend, l would begin TO
think she had made something by mar
rying a rich man."
YOU'RE right, old man."
Then think you would no longer
have miserable wife Then YOU
would no longer want to rent or sell
the farm, but would be showing the
mother of your children how much YOU
respected her for her life of devotion.
Then she would know she was a part
ner in that $50, 900. Then if you made
your will all right, and she had good
rest, think she would some time be
an eligible widow"
Think so, professor?"
"I know it. Woman is a plant that
wants sunshine. You have been leav-
ing your wife in the shade too much.
She has lost her color. You have made
her think she is an old woman. She
bo, oil af al,
and love, and is only waiting to die to
get out of the way. Suppose you were
treated so?'
''What, me? am all right"
"Yes, | know. Women pity you be-
cause you are tied to such a sorry-look-
ing wife. Foolish old maids and silly
girls whisper behind your back what a
nice-looking man you are, and what a
stick of wife you have got, and you
are Just soft enough to wear tight boots
and oil what little hair you have left
on the top of your head and 90 around
figuring up how long before your wife
will die.
Say, now, see here, professor, there
is a limit to endurance, l am going"
Il am coming down to see you next
week; will it be all right?'
"Yes, if you drop this kind of talk
and won't tell of my complaints about
my wife. | will try your medicine
Would you stick for that part of your
prescription about the pocketbook and
$50 notes.
"How much did you say you had
made together?'
Il cave. The dress will be all right,
and the pony and phaeton will be
handy for the gals. Come down and
see us, old man, but not word about
this talk. If you wasn't an old man
I'd" Tipping his Derby back on his
head and shaking the wrinkles out oi
his light trousers, he put his hands
into his pockets and sauntered away.
There" said |, ''is one man who has
taken the only legal and God-given
way of getting rid of a miserable wife. y
| Philadelphia cell.