The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1887-04-29
VOL. XXXII---NO. Is.
VARIETIES.

The greatest reformer of the age was the
inventor of the hustle, which has reformed
nearly ever woman.
| Somehow or other don't think I'd care
to be the prettiest girl in the world" he re-
marked. she-"Why not?" Hc-"Because
I'd rather be next to the prettiest."
Countless knights were slain before st.
George won the battle. In the battle of life
we are all going to try for the honors of
championship.
Why do we always talk about putting ON
a coat and vest? Who puts on coat before
the vest? We also say shoes and stockings.
What's the matter with us, anyhow?
| Isaac Qnstructing his son)-"Ven you zell
coat to man vot wants a coat dots nod
ding, but ven you zell coat to man yot
don't want coat, dots beezness, my boy"
Indeed, it happened in less time than
take to tell it" said the lady who was con-
sidered somewhat of a bore. ooh, haven't
the least doubt of it," replied the patient and
truthful listener.
The tenor and the soprano were married
this week. Their acquaintance began in the
choir, and ms the happy pair meandered up
the aisle the jocular organist struck up, 1--WE
met by chants"
"A meek and lowly Democrat makes this
inquiry: "If the President needs exercise,
why doesn't he devote an hour day to
throwing Republican offlce-holders over the
back fence?"
Some one asked "Josh Billings" why he
didn't write serious lecture. "Ah," replied
Josh, with wise shake ofthe head, "the pub
lie won't allow man to stand on his feet for
their entertainment after he has once stood
on his head"
"A certain oily philanthropist in London,
who is noted for his stinginess, was describ-
ed the other day by poor woman as "a man
who feeds the sick with an empty spoon and
all the while talks nicely about the Cruel"
-"Do you know what has become of that
relation of yours who used to work for me ?"
asked q gentleman of an Irish laborer mo,
yer honor but if yez is anxious to see him,
Oil wrote to him an ak him to sind me his
addriss."
Monsieur is a noted mser His wife says
to him "My dear, is it not time to think of
Jules educationW Eyes, but it costs too
much" 'Do you not know of q good school
that is cheap?" Certainly" (Which onep"
"The school of adversely"
Eyes, sab, | tuck de chicken. | was
gwinter make some chicken pie, and tuck
de cook book and read de direcshuns, and hit
says: Take one chicken Hit don't say
buy one chicken, or borrow one chicken
Hit don't say whose chicken ter take, so l
tuck de fust one l could lay my hans on
L ioilcreu NC ulrecsnuns, sani IN dc DOCK.
-Pete-"Wall, Sambo what do de doctor
say am de matter wild you, and what he say
cure your" Sambo-"De doctor he say -
'Sambo your digestshin all upset. What
hab you been eatin' p l say: 4 hab ben eatin'
nothin', massa.' Wall, den,' seq he, 4 reck-
mend for you a change of de Diet"
Say, sis, wish you'd tell me whether
you think Nellie Miuks cares for me or not.
Sister-"Does she seem to like to talk to
your"
always"
rs she bright and witty in her remarks ?"
Just as funny as she can be-"
"And seems to be enjoying herself ever SO
much when you are around?"
Indeed she does"
"Well, she don't care a straw for YOU"
--Once upon time a miser made bargain
with Hogarth to paint him, for half price, o
picture ofthe Destruction of Pharaoh's Host
in the Red Sea-" When Hogarth showed
him the picture it was simply piece of can
vas painted a solid red'
There, said Hogartb, sis the Red Sea-"
But where" asked the astonished miser,
"are the Israelites?"
"They are all gone over" replied the paint
er.
Where are the Egyptians9
"They are all drowned"