Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-12-07

ell Citizen.
The waves of old ocean are by no
means ready to sleep when they put
their white caps on.-New Orleans
Picayune.
When the woman wishes to make
soft soap she never gets mad because
the neighbors gives her the lye.-
Texas siftings.
Three million women work for
money in this country. The other
millions make the men work for it.
Somerville Journal.
The attention of Mr.. Arthur Com
stock is respectfully called to the fact
that the trees on the common are all
bare. Boston Globe.
When the stove is clogged up with
clinkers is it any wonder that the
troubled housewife exclaims, "Grates
ughtr-Chicago Sun.
The older man gets the more diff
cult it is to pull the wool over his eyes.
He has good deal less wool you
know.-Yonker's Statesman.
1t is suggested as shrewd guess
that. the first mention of playing
cards is in the Bible. 1t was when
Neb uchered Nezzar.-Boston Trans
cript.
The man who moves down life's
path and finds it strewn with sweet
surprises is he who knows just how it's
done, who keeps store and advertises.
Lincoln Democrat.
Pawkins-So Skinner & Grinder
have gone under? Jawkins-So I've
heard. Pawkins-What caused their
fall' Jawkins-They lost their bal
ance-in the bank.-Lowell Citizen.
"a fraud that didn't work." is the
heading of a newspaper article. They
don't generally.-Tid-Bits. Certain
ly not. They go upon the Labor tick
ct as the workingman's friend.-Fall
River Advance.
Farmer Bascom-I do wish the
threshing machine would come round
this way. Johnny Bascom-Oh, pa,
that reminds me! Teacher wanted
me to tell you he was coming here to
our house to board next week.-Ex.
81 like my boys to have plenty of
young company" said Mrs. Careful,
"but they have agreed with me to
draw the line at girls" "Ya-as,"
said her oldest son, "crinoline. But
nobody smiled and everybody looked
thoughtful.-Brooklyn Eagle.
He-What will you have, dear,
candy or ice cream1
She-No, Edward get some pop.
corn, please.
He-Do you like that stuff?
She-Yes; I like anything that
pops.-Harper's Bazaar.
Train Robber Con Texas express)-|
Shell out now, quick.
Passenger-All my money is in this
satchel.
Open il then, be lively.
Look.
All in silver dollars Keep it.
We amt no draymen.-Ex.
(Miss Selden's fiance is approaching
them across the lawn Judge S.
Who is that coming across the lawn,
daughter3 Miss S.-Why, papa,
don't you see' That is Teddy. He
said he intended coming over this
evening. Judge S.-Ah, yes / see
now ! thought at first that il was
man.-Judge.
First Girl understand that hand
some stranger has been calling on YOU
quite regularly.
Second Girl-Yes, he's awfully tire
some.
Tiresome
Yes, he don't do a thing the whole
evening but sit on the extreme end of
the sofa and talk.-Omaha World.
"You have remarkably soft hands,
Mr.. Seacock do you use glycerine r.
"No."
IL wish my hands were white like
yours they are so white and small a
lady might envy them. What busi-
ness are you in ?"
81 am organizing new labor par
Judge.
The following testimonial from a
lady has been left at this Office for
sale by dealer in patent medicines:
Dear Doctor will say that while
suffering from severe backache /
took my purse in my hand and went
out to purchase one of your plasters.
l met a street thief on the corner, and
/ was relieved at once. You can use