St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1887-04-24

! out in the early evening full of hope and
good resolutions. He wakes up in the
morning with his heart full of remorse and
his pockets full of cigars. his room full of
the smell of singed hat and his head tull of
the ache that biteth like serpent and sting
eth like an adder.
The chances are ten to one that if left to
his own fancyhe would have taken not
more than two drinks, spent not more than
81, got home before , o'clock, and been up
eally and clear headed in the morning But
as Ned treated. he had to treat so did Bob.
so did Sam. so did each newcomer, and so
the merry ball rolled, and gathered as it
rolled.
If we Americans treat each other to en-
tlrely supertiuous drinks, why not TO gro
| cerleS. articles of clothing, mutton chops
and hardware? l wonder how it would
work in the way of medicine? go into
drug store for Quinine pill. |
meet there my friend Lucian
Van Bumblebug who is III search
my taking the pill with him. | do SO.
Lucian must then take another plaster with
me. He does so. In comes Freddie de
Register for his MONDAY dose of cod-liver
OIL. He Swears he cannot dose himself
alone. | tell him have already had two
pills and am feeling pretty comfortable. but
Freddie insists. | introduce Van Bundle
bug with his double plaSterS. Freddie sets
them up. | get another pill. Van third
plaster, and Freddie all the cod grease his
breathing machinery really needs. Van
Bumblebug. then. being good fellow, or
ders another fish teddy for Freddie,
fourth pill for me, and an entirely super
fiuOuS plaster for himself. 1t is now in
| cumbent upon me to set them up in Fred
honor. and we get another dose all round.
just at this juncture in come jolly George
Bolivar, who has the jumping tOothache.
and two jolly friends with the heart disease.
He introduces me to his friends intro
duce him to my friends, and then the real
pleasure of the day begins. Van Bundle
bug can't stand another plaster. and tries
little colchicum; | vary the pills with
little aconite and ginger Freddie is full of
cod liver oil to the ears. but takes podo-
phylin straight--we have the pleasantest
sort of time, sample every drug in the
shop. and go home with seventeen distinct
symptoms, and smelling like a case of
cholera.
Now really. why should Lucian, in the
first place. demand the right to pay for my
Dill? 1t can save me nothing, for | AIN
compelled by the sacred laws of Treat to at
once insist onhiS taking second plaster.
Freddie has weak lungs, and needed only
one touch of codliver; but before he leaves
we pump him so full he feels like a Stand
ard Oil company. There is something
wrong in this system. l know there is
something wrong with my system next day.
Isn't il little absurd?
The stolid EngiShman pays for his own
drink. SO does the chattering Frenchman.
and the German would be insulted if you
settled for his beer in a public place. The
custom is purely American and simply
villainy.
If wish one noondav drink and on ell
tering the palace find there six men | know
but slightly. why should any one of them
| claim the right to place me under an obli-
CATION? To discharge the obligation must
take another drink and pay for seven.
There is no hospitality on either side.
HENRY GUY CARLETON.