Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1887-12-22
WIT AND HUMOR.

found heavy pot of gold. 1t is likely
that he lifted it with three jacks
Macon Telegraph.
A music-dealer says that the violin
has not improved any since 1920. The
same may be said of the violin-player
who lives next Characterization Her.
add
He witnessing 'Faust'') How are
you pleased with Irving, Miss Breezy?
She-I like him immensely. And how
much. he is like Dixey.-Neao York
Sun.
Scientists say that the savage has a
more acute sense of smell than civil
lied people. When two savages get
together how they must suffer.-B0S-
ton transcript.
Young Blifkins went out cunning
yesterday, and shot six times at an
owl before he discovered that it was
piece of mud on his eye-glasses.-De
troit Free Press.
The fruit preservers of the country
have decided to advance the price of
canned fruit. Their motto is: Let
us make large profits so long as we
can. "-NeGO York World.
We like the business character of
the young man who, after he had been
kicked down stairs, came back to the
irate kicker to find out who made his
boots Western PtoWn1an.
A young woman in Union county,
Dakota, committed suicide because the
cloak, that her father bought her did
not fit Thus are misfits proved as
fatal as fits.-BufaIo Express.
noted doctor says that onions are
the best nerYine known. 1t isn't the
man who eats the onions who exhibits
the nerve; it is the man who hob-nobs
with EUaaSUjlte Tribune.
A policeman in Butte City, Idaho,
wears a gold badge worth $500. And
yet he would see something ridiculous
in 10-cent purp wearing a $75
blanket.-AtlantG Constitution.
There is no period of a girls life at
which she is not beautiful and charm
ing and all that, but it must be con-
fessed that it is as a bride that she
takes the cake.-NaShUjLle american.
Now that M. Wilson, son-in-law of
President Grevy, has officially left the
Elysee. all fears that he would pawn
that palace and escape with the pro-
ceeds have beeen allayed .-Nea0 York
World.
A Burlington teacher told one of her
boys that the next time he wrote a
composition there must be some point
to it. the subject of his next disgust
ton was Needles. "-BurIingtOB Pree
Press.
A paper asks: ''Is there wife in
the city to-day who makes her hus-
bands shirts?" The following answer
was received by return of post: 81
do, but he won't wear them. "-Ote 90
Witness.
A Connecticut man has invented a
new hustle. But if he invented way
to make Litchfield county tobacco
taste less like cabbage he would be
much more a social benefactor.-
York. Graphic.
Pa" said New Hampshire farm
er's daughter, 1.-THE LATEST tramp |
ever saw came into the yard to-day.
He stood there by the wood-pile and
let the dog undress him. y Darlington
Free Press.
Only 5000, 600 women in this coun-
try have to work for money, and all
the rest of the women get their money
for nothing. What in the world are
they kicking forP-NeW York CONNER
cadt AdUertiSer.
The Derrick is the only newspaper
in town that had representative on
the rotten veranda yesterday when it
fell eighteen feet into the creek. We
always get there with both feet.-OH
City Derrtck.
C0untryman Tin gallery of Stock
Exchange, to wife)-Some o them
seats down there, Marian cost bout
$4,000 piece, Wife-Mercy me!
Why don't they set down on 'em, then?
-Nee0 York Sam
Aunt Minerva to fashionable niece
Do you expect to do anything in the
direction of charity this winter, Clara?
Miss Clara, brightly-O, yes, aunty.
/ am already planning my costume
for the charity ball.-Epoch.
John" said Mott street Sunday
school teacher, edo you know what
cleanliness is next to godliness'
means?" Yep" responded John, ''it
means Mclean man putee on clean
shit evly day. York San.
PA" said little Johnny, ''teacher is
thinking about promoting me-" How
do you know?" From what she said
to-day" land what was that?" ''She
said if I kept on I'd belong to the
criminal class. "-Mercbdnt Tr0UeLer.
Some one has invented new style
of boys trousers which is highly rec
commended. They have a copper seat
and sheet-iron knees, are riveted down
in the seams, and have Waterproof
pockets to hold broken eggs.-Te1as
SJtsngs.
''There is one thing I can't under
stand" he began. when his wife inter-
rupted him. Only one thing, my
dear" she said in amazement; and he
fired his paper across the room and
exchanged slippers for boots. -Neac
York. san.
WilIinor ~ Mics