Helena weekly herald., 1887-11-24
DEACON sURDETTE'S PHILOSOPHY
1T CAN BE DONE, BUT

IT CAN BE DONE, But
"That is one of our rising young men,
Judge; he will make his mark in this town
and don't YOU forget it.n "Indeed! What
does he doI' "He spends $1,000 year on
salary of 81 ,2OOn
The circus laid off one night and the lion
tanner played sweet to shepherdess, to
whom he gave much CUFF, until, he unmask-
ing, his wife recognized him. They picked
him up at the foot of the stairs, sadly rent as
to his raiment and much abraded and con-
fused as to his person. And as he recovered
consciousness he feebly murmured, "Was it
the lady or the tiger!" Then they smote
upon him with canes and umbrellas, and left
him for dead.
INCOMPREHENsIBLE NONSENSE.
A young man of Jeffersonville, Mo-, writes:
wv ould the addition of a centerboard add
IN any way to the speed or sailing qualities
Of the Thistlel' We have read this letter a
great many times without being able to make
anything out of it, and conclude that if there
is an insane asylum in Jeffersonville, the
young man takes his meals there The idea
of putting a centerboard on a thistle, which
isn't an aquatic plant at all, and-why he
might as well talk about putting jury mast
on chestnut. Thistle? Centerboard? Well,
we give it up. It's something we never be-
fore heard of in all our life. That's Just a
sample of the kind of letters we get from
cranks all over the country every week. Only
week before last lunatic down in Florida
wrote asking us ''if Jake Sharp was in jailr'
Never another word about him, who he was,
where he was from, or any syllable of de-
scription; just Jake Sharp. As though we
were expected to know everybody in the
United States that might reasonably be ex-
pected to be in Jail. We crushed this fellow;
we wrote him that Jack Plane was in the
workhouse. He wrote back in the most in
coherent manner, saying that he used to keep
a fool himself when he was rich, but he
couldn't afford it now. You can see he was
crazy It's this sort Of thing that drives
editors mad. Found in the MSS. of the
editor who committed suicide by paying his
fare last week
ART Is LONG, But SOME THINGS ARE WIDER.
new fad is Hand and Foot Album
containing photographs of the hands and feet
Of girls who wear anything under small
"fves." In the well known city of (mortise
Tor name) this album looks like a sample
book of circus cuts, and rests either on a din
mg table or the barn floor. (St Louis and
chicago papers please copy.)
THE PEN OF A READY WRITER.
4hey wheel his chair in the sunshine
Where the warmest south winds blow;
tor he loves to sit where the swallows fit
And the shadows come and go:
as his fancies twine and intertwine-
Pro Bono Publico." l--s
de used TO write for The Journal -
In seventeen eighty-four:
az Old man then, but his ready pen
was lusty at twice two score,
ALo be used to fill, with that squeaking quill,
Anree columns week, and more.
ue tackled the other papers
as fast as they got born,
Icy thought he would die ere the year went by,
hut be bought him bigger ink horn,
tne EDITORS life with care was rife
FROM even till dewy morn.
oe gathered bis friends around him
A. taxpayer" "Vox Populi, LEX"
constant Reader" True Blue and siCitizen.~
too,
Inc EDITORS soul to vex;
sIas tne oder they grew, the garrulous crew
worse newspaporial wrecks.
Iu OI he never will die while ink lasts
NJ ~ paper to press can go;
bles anu 'eusuies anu niuli'
as tnings are too fast or too slow.
'IUush his temper's Internal his pen is eternal
0iu Pro Bono Publico.m
Brooklyn Eagle.