News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-09-22
LEARNING THE BUSINESS.

| w uN, L uOt1CCl UlItG Wlllle Il6 NdS
playing with several little fellows he
robbed them of all their marbles"
''That's all right
"All right! My gracious, do yor
want him to be robber ?''
eyes, that's the drift of my teachings
You see, l am bringing him up to keer
a summer hotel"
| PROPITIATING GUEST.
At Boston hotel the head waiter
came out of the hotel and informed the
learned and cultured clerk that a maj
was raising a disturbance because he
could not have his accustomed seat al
the table.
$50 in again, said the Browning
saturated clerk, ''and propitiate him in
some way-I leave it to you"
Back went the waiter to the dissatis
fed boarder, and said:
eff you don't like the way things is
done here, you can get right out, or I'll
propitiate you mighty quick. "-Hote
MAJ
CAMP LIFE.
"Have you ever been camping, Miss
De Vere?" asked Augustus Popinjay.
ooh, yes !" replied his companion
/
member two things"
"What were they 2" asked Augustus.
"That we had gone feeling in the
morning and washed dishes all day.
Burlington Free Press.
| ROUGH ON THE BABY.
A young married man, the proud
father of month-old infant, was expa-
tiating upon his infant to bright
| young woman well known in st. Paul
society, the daughter of q prominent
ex-Federal official. Finally, to cap the
climax of his praise, he said, trium-
| phantly:
'And, do you know, it just looks like
me-"
Regarding him compassionately for a
moment, and putting into her voice ac-
cents of the deepest sympathy, she re-
| sponded:
"Well, I wouldn't mind that, if I were
you, if it's strong. st. Paul Globe.
BRIGHT SALESMAN.
Mrs. Doodle Ito salesman in under
wear department)-Have you any gauze
ladies' vests?
Salesman with $40 smile)-No, mad
am, but we have ladies gauze vests. :
"Keep 'em, then !" she answered snap
pishly, as she bolted for the door, and
since his dischage the salesman has de-
cided not to try to sell dry goods and
| educate the human race at the same
| ime.-EpOch.
so LOVELY.
Henry George-My dear, this steak is
burned to a crisp.
Mrs. George-Mercy me So it is.
''And the potatoes are not half DONE "
| $50 | see, now.
''And the bread is sour, and, in fact,
| there is not thing fit to eat, and I'm
rs hungry as q bear. What on earth
have you bccu doing with yourself all
morning?
I've been swinging in the hammock,
| dear, drt,ming about how lovely every
thing will be when your millennium gets
| here"
A MOTHERS RETORT.
An American mother travelling in
France offered half-fare ticket for her
son, who lacked several months of the
full-fare age. The collector looked sus-
| piciously at the child and at her
'Your son, is he under 7, madame 2"
.'He is, Monsieur"
| his age, Madame, snapped the man, ex-
asperated at the Americans coolnes.-
"Oui, monsiur, that may be, retorted
the mother calmly, ''He is not French,
you see."
REGARD FOR FEELINGS.
An Austin family has colored ser
want that, while very attentive to her
duties, has never been known to give
anybody a civil answer. Purely as an
experiment the lady of the house bought
her new calico dress and gave it to her,
saying.
81 am glad to have the pleasure, Matil-
dy, of giving you this dress
eyer mout hab had dat pleasure ong
ago eff yer had any regard fo' my feel
ings, was the gracious reply.
TOO MUCH FOR HIM.
First Hackensack Mosquito: What's
wrong with you, Piercem
Second Hackensack Mosquito: I'm
all broke up. Flew over to Castle Gar
den last night and tried to sting an
Emigration Commissioner on the cheek.
ENFORCING THE LAW.
'tDid you hear the sad news about
Jinks 2" asked Gus Snobberly of Char
lie Knickerbocker.
"No, what is it?"
'He was drowned while rowing a
boat in Central Park
Couldn't he swim?"
'tThat wouldn't have made any diff
ference Swimming in Central Park is
strictly prohibited, and the Park police
enforce the law, you know. If he had
tried to swim he would have been
dubbed to death. "-T'eras SJtings.
HERoIsM.
A Young man who was about to enter
a drinking saloon suddenly stopped, and
with a set look upon his face walked
rapidly away.
Sir" said an old gentleman, who
had observed his movements, ''you fill
my heart with JOY. You have resolved
never to enter that accursed place
again?"
81 won't at present, at least, sir" re-
sponded the youth; ''you see it sudden
ly occurred to me that owe the propri-
etor seventy-tive cents. -
IN FRONT.
Curtis has just eighty cents in his
pocket. Lobster salad is forty cents a
plate, and hard crabs sixty.
Curtis (after scanning the bill of fare
with monumental relief: Tn so sorry.
wanted you to try Maryland crab,
but they're not on the bill.
Miss Fortune (sweetly): Oh! do in
quire for them. saw hamper of them
being unloaded just as we came in the
door.
THE FUNNY MAN.
She: "Dear me, this lamp is very
heavy"
He: "All you have to do to make a
lamp lighter is to twist piece of
paper"
She: "What head you have. 1t is
head lighter than any L know. ."-I'erds
SJtangS.
HE HAD A son.
American Father-Yes, | have a son,
but he is i'll Europe.
Old-time patriot beg your pardon,
Sir, but it is shame for an American
youth, born in n land of liberty, the in
heritor of freedom, bequeathed to him by
dying ancestors on the battlefields of the
Revolutions, to fritter away his best
years in France.
81 sent him there to learn trade.
The apprentice system is no longer al
lowed i'll this country, you know"
ST see, but he will come back with no
knowledge of American institutions,