The Memphis appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1886-1890, 1887-09-26
fHE CHAMPLAIN'S VOYAGE
Az INTERNATIONAL yAoHr CRurss-Br w.
II. II. hvaRAr AND J. Alxor KNOX.
Publishsd sy Special Arrangement with the
Authors.
THE END OF THE CRUISE.
On BOARD YACHT CHAxrLAIs, |

On BOARD YACHT CHAnrLAs,(
TADoUsAc. p. y
This 10 the last day OF my yachting
cruise this summer, and as this is the
last letter / shall write to you for
some time, ard wishing to part with
out any hard feelings or misunder.
standings on either eide, j beg to make
the 1. lowing personal statement:
distinctly object to being consid.
cred humorist. OF course those who
know me best-you, my friendly read.
ers, snd my creditors, for instance
are we'll aware Of tie fact that / am
not humoriet and, heaven knows,
never claimed to be.
The fact that have been associated
In business with more than one hu.
morist has somehow led to the erro-
neous belief that am so full OF face
tiousness that I have only to tarn a
faucet and 1t flows out of me. know
that there are many people now on
ear,h, with whom / am not &C
quainted, who will 90 down to their
silent sarcophsguses hugging the de-
luNon that i am 90 surchaTgsd with
humor that have to get up in the
night to give 10 an opportunity to
escape. and that often wake M the
hired man at 2 O'Clock am. to tell him
anew !sid joke.
There are others who think that be-
cause come from Texas / should
wear long hair, have q bowie In my
boot and q revolver In each pocket.
On meeting me for the first time these
people feel that they have been i'm.
posed upon, and that I am not what
they had right to expect nor all that
should be. o. being introduced to
Vermont man recently, ke expressed
himself a. feeling actually hurt be.
cause l did not begin shooting at
him.
When the stranger to whom l have
been introduced gets through with
me he walks sadly away, and, when he
getA around the corner, tells bis friends
thM l sm more or less OF q brass
mounted fraud.
The disappointment OF these strsng.
ers remind me oil that OF the man from
Podunk, who went up to Boston 10
hear Mark Twain lecture. He got into
the wrong hall, where for two hours
he listened to the Rev. 10 Cook, think
ing all the time that 1t was Twain
who was speaking. Then he went
back to Podunk on the midnight train.
Next morning q Podunker met him.
been to Bostiug, Hiramf"
"Yap."
$40 hear Twain lecture
"Ysp."
"An' did 70 hear him,o
"why, Of course l did. Thst's what
] went for."
"War he funny2"
"Wall, y.e-e-s, be war funny, but
not 90 gosh dsrned funny"
II Is q great misfortune TO get the
reputation OF being funny. The I'M.
fortunate creature 30 afflicted Ia TO be
pitied. People stand around with
their mouths fjar ready TO laugh when
he speaks, and should he fail to eIude
scintillalipg gems OF idiocy at every
tick OF the clock they say be is an
overrate1 humbug. Even the pro-
fessionsl humoJist, who makesa living
by restoring old ,kes OF the glacial
epoch. and by blowing life into the
mummied dust Of the ssts OF the hi.
lsrious past, suffers much at the hands
OF the thoughtlees thropg that he mests
In his daily walks. They haul him
into Rilded saloons and, alter forcing
expensive refreshments on him, try 20
seduce him TO say something fanny.
IL would be no more impairment to
ask the dentist they may happen TO
met ct q club 10 entertain the com.
pany by pulling tooth, or 10 request
broker 10 broke for their amusement.
Now, while / have your ear, or, TO
be sxsct, your eye, l wish 10 tell you
of another grievance have. like TO
tell my grievances 10 people who can
not talk back 10 me and tell me Of
bigger ones that they are thlicied
with.
There 10 another popular falacy that
places me In false light, and causes
me msny O sleeplsss lunchl hour. II
consists OF widespread belief that
possess more OF that moral quality
called cheek than usually falls 10 the
lot oil the aveiags poor, weak worm OF
the dust. i originated In this wise:
i once wrote 10 q Western editor and
asked him 10 insert In his valuable
and widely read journal" notice, or
citicitm, Of the production In New
York Of aplsy that / aud an accom-
plice bad written. The notice was
only about column In length, and /
bad taken the pains TO write Il my.
self. Islways write my own notices,
because you never know what some
OF these editors may write II you leave
IL 10 them. l did not know the editor
personally, yet addressed him In a
cordial and familiar way, lust a. /
would an equal, and told him tina,
be was at liberty 10 Jam the notice
Into any vacant corner OF the paper
editorial page preferredl, no CUES.
tons askse, and no money 10 change
hands" The following IL what he
wrote me In reply:
"sm-Ii had your cheek i would
have u ttuffed. Tom 0chiltiee claims
10 have more cheek than any man In
the Unhed States. He has probably
never met you. II you should ever
sooot acroes my path / would like 10
take you mp TO the eulch 10 some
quiet nook, where We could compare
cheeks, and whereI could learn on
the dead outlet how you mansge TO
keep out Of jail"
Nov, wasn't that unklndI Ever
since, when that varlet needs a few
lines 10 Oil out q column, he puts In
something supposed to be "cute and
cunning" about my cheek, and sends
me q marked copy Of bis paper.
All Of this goes TO show that the
press molds public opinion, and that,
even when Il has q ohaitel mortgage
on II, II can make or mar reputation.
Well, the fret reciion Of our yacht
ing cruise is ended, the Champlain Ia
securely tied TO q wooden post, and /
sm abou. 10 say good bye 10 the little