The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1887-03-03
WIT AND HUMOR.


''The lazy husbands wide awake
He gives his wife a gentle kick
TSe SeSn re amS my dear very mP siek
II is the same when storms arise,
And bitter Boreal breezeS blow;
He's awful sick In bed he lies,
And she must shovel off the snow"
THE DIFFERENCE,
When Atalanta, as the fables say,
Hard pressed in race the young Hippo
To stay her swift pursuit he cast away
Apples of gold from the Hesperides.
Not SO do young men of the present day
In whose possession golden fruit one sees;
They keep their apples-nice decoys these
And let their Ataantas overtake them!
-Manley II. Pike, in Harper's Magazine
Sarah Bernhardt has reached Pana-
ma. She must feel at home in that
narrow isthmus.-Boston Herald.
..Does position affect sleep?" asks a
writer The position of your wife s
cold feet often does these winter nights.
Louisville Journal
There is great demand for arms in
Europe. So there has been here, ever
since the sleighing season began
Burlington Free Prsss.
Mr.. Lie is member of the Kentucky
Legislature. He has near relatives in
many other Legislatures, though they
do not all pass by the family name.
We have little piece Of advice to
Z offer, gratis: Don't sit down on a to-
bog ran-slide unless there is Il tobog-
gan under you.- Burlington Free Press.
The man who tries to make two
thousand-dollar salary fit four-thou-
sand-dollar outlay generally winds up
,.li
Philadelphia call.
Wife-You talked in your sleep last
night, John, and you mentioned moth
er's name Husband-That so? 1t
must have been that mincepie | ate be-
fore going to bed.--HarPer's Bazar-
d.. Mary Walker, according to 4
current item, begins to show the eff
fects' of age. Probably the report
arises from the fact that when the doe
tor takes her walks abroad she pants.
Il feel like thunder this morning, :"
complained New Jersey citizen.
That's because you fooled with light
ming last night reyerberated his
wife. quicker than tiash.-New York
San.
1Ilt cOIIllU1 2IIl Will Nstlh hN' iiliios'
day. says the Household. If the editor
will name the starting time and dis
tance perhaps the fellow she is coming
after can get out of the way.-Miaa,ae-
apOtis Tribune.
A commercial traveller fell fiat on his
face on College street yesterday. He
came up smiling, but the Street De
partnent will have cracked paving
stone to replace one of these days
NetU HdUen Palladium.
Miss Boston (sweetly)( under
stand, Miss Chicago, that the bellies OF
your city find large boots the more pre-
ferable? Miss Chicago (stiH sweeter)
Yes; but we don't have to use mucil-
age on our garters.
An exchange says: Mrs. Cleve
land sits very quietly and demurely il
church This will be pleasing infor-
nation for those who suppose she was
in the habit of creating a disturbance
during divine service.-NeW Hdren
NetDs.
The movement against the wearing
of hats and bonnets ut the opera has
been so successful that it is now no
ticed that only those ladies wlAO live il
the suburbs or are from the country
wear their street head coverings. .-BOs
ton Post.
The jury that recently tried TIVE
saloonkceDers, of Woodland. Cal. fo1
grand larceny returned this verdict
1--WE, the jury, find the defendants no
guilty. with the recommendation tha
they leave the town within forty-eigh
hours"
''Is he a young man of brains?" i'll
quired an old gentleman respecting
swell youth. well, really replie,
his daughter, Il have had no opportun
ity of Judging, / never met him any
where else except in society. ."-Wash
aaagton Critic.
There are rumors of trouble betwee
Lord Randolph Churchill and his Am
erican wife. 1t probably began whel
he resigned $4,000 office right i
the middle of the gay season, whe
new dresses were most necessary
Boston Herald.
We see it chronicled that a girl i
New York was .sstabbed by a ma
whom she had never seen before.
That was simply atrocious. 1t is ba
enough to be stabbed by bosor
friend. but total stranger rude
Philadelphia CAL
First Kentuckian-Ih hear your broth
ers's dead. Second Kentuckian-Ye
he passed away very peacefully. Firs
Kentuckian-Na death? Secon
Kentuckian-Yes First Kentuckia
i thought he was going to have'em
-Ne,0 Hauen NeUs.
Small boy-'.Pa, who was that nice
kind gentleman who just patted me o
the headP" His father-.sThat was
politician, my son." s.Does he kno'
ma?' mo, my son, he doesn't; an
he doesn't know pa only about once i
two years. .'-Uticd Herald.
Mr. Heron Allen charges $40 to loo
at hand, and is accused of bein
exorbitant. We wish to say that if tn
average reader will polish up his thini
er he will readily recall several oce;
sions on which he has paid il great de;
more than this for the privilege of see
ing One.-Puck.
s'Seven husbands in New Yorl
town have never been absent froI
home later than 8 o'clock at night dul
ing a married life of from ten to twel
ty years. This is the first intimatio
we have had that the s.seven wonder
of the world" are located in this cour
try.-NorristoUn Herald.
Mother-Johnnie, brush the dust O.
your boots. Johnnie-Is that the kin
of dust papa was talking to governe,
about? Mother-What did he say
Johnny-He said: ''Dost thou 10,
me, Agnes?" Mother-No, it was no
Johnnie; but Agnes will dust out {
here tomorrow morning. = BostO
GLOBE.
Jabber-It's very curious that fe
lows who kick about high bonnets j
theaters haven't word to say abol
them in churches. Why is it? Jib'
Those kind of fellows don't 90
church, as general thing, and if the
did, who in thunder wants to look