The united opinion. [volume] (Bradford, Vt.) 1881-1970, 1887-05-06
THE DRUMMER DID IT.

A Glass Of Honest and Enthusiastic
Nuisances Who Never Die.
| All Investigations by arch@oloSists into the
various races and their history break on an
inexplicable influence that seems to connect
widely different places, periods and peoples.
They find old jars in use in India that the
mound builders had here, and they come
across iron teaspoons in the primeval forest
beds of coal They are astonished to find the
gridiron of the north of Ireland figuring in
the social life of China three or four thousand
years ago. The Bedouin Arab has the army
blanket of tho Esquimaux, and in the ruins Of
Pompeii they come across peanut shells like
what the sweeper sweeps out OF the gallery Of
the theatre to-day. Well, why is this! Archae-
ologists cannot tell. can. The mysterious
ubiquitous influence that leaves no track save
the article is simply the drummer. 1t was
the drummer who did it all He left those
curious Grecian scrolls in Egypt; he carved
those hieroglyphics on tho rocks Of ancient
Britain; he is the man who introduced French
candy into Herculaneum and stuck the
mound builders with iron teaspoons.
Do you ever know what becomes OF
drummerl Not that you care, but have you
ever seen dead drummeri don't believe
drummers die. believe they simply talk
themselves into gas "Gas thou art, to gas
returnest," was written OF the drummer. I
have met one or two men who have been
drummers. but they do not talk much about
it. When drummer gets tired Of talking
he Just disappears. I do not see how this
country survives the existence of drumEers.
You go into a small country place; you step
into the hotel; you find in the Office sixteen
coats hanging up on the wall and sixteen
valises in row on the floor, and sixteen men
sitting with their thirty-two feet up on the
stove, telling sixteen lies about their business
and their adventures, all at one time. You
can't get what you want in that town. The
drummers have made the store keepers buy
what they have to sell, and you've got to take
it or 60 without It seems almost impossible
to believe that drummer should ever DO
able to disguise his identity. He is, as rule,
and runs things.
If you see a man come into the Office OF q
hotel and step up timidly to the counter and
ask the clerk if there are any letters for him,
please, you may know that he's humble
private citizen and plain guest. If you see
a fellow bang open the door, stride in and
leave it open behind him, go and hang his
coat on peg and jam his valise on the floor,
WulA Vuo COuutcA, oohO oNS ~AA S-~O ~
ters and read the addresses from every box,
open the drawer and look in, then you'll know
it's drummer-good for one nights lodging
and several drinks He generally let's every
body know that he's sold a lot of stuff, and he
talks very loud about the fun he's had some
times. But they told me of one drummer
who called himself count, and wore long
FUR lined ulster and an imposing foreign look
ing mustache. He came in the summer sea-
ION and stayed a long time. He was the rage;
he girls fell in love with him; the mammas
admired him; he was on the eve Of getting
engaged to naughty San Francisco belle,
when lady walked into drug store one day
md found him with lot Of samples Of soap,
.rying to stick the proprietor with his stock.
That let him out and he disappeared But
he profession disowned him, for as a rule the
drummer is a straightforward, open, honest
md enthusiastic nuisance-San Francisco
Chronicle