Audubon County Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Audubon Co., Iowa) 1885-1894, 1887-12-15
BILL NYE AS A SCIENTIST.
He IL Alarmed About the Future of
The Human Il0Ce.

Without wishing to alarm the Ameri-
can people, or create panic. l desire
briefly and seriously to discuss the
great question, "Whither are we drift
ing" and what is to be the condition OF
the coming manP We cannot shut our
eyes to the fact that mankind is pass
ing through great era of change;
even womank nd is not built as she was
few brief years ago. And is it not
tine. fellow-citizens. that we paused to
consider what is to be the future of the
Americana
Food itself has been the subject OF
change both in the matter of material
and preparation. This must affect the
consumer in such way as to some day
bring about great changes. Take. for
instance, the oyster. one of our com.
paratively modern food and gam Q
fishes and watch the effects of science
upon him, At one time the oyster
browsed around and ate what he could
lind in Neptune's backyard. and we
had to take him as we found him.
Now we take u herd OF oysters off the
trail, all run down. and feed them arti-
licially till they swell up to a fpncy
price. Now. where will this all lead
at last. | ask as careful SCIENTIST In q,
stead of eating apples. as Adam did, we
work the fruit up into apple-jack and
pic, while even the simple oyster is
perverted, and instead of allowing him
to fatten up in the fall on acorns and
ancient mariners, flesh is artilicially
put on his bones by the artificial os-
NOSE and dialysis Of our advanced civ
il cation. How can you make an oys-
ter stout or train him down by making
him jerk health lift so many hours
every day. or cultivate his body at the
expense of his mind, without ultimately
not only impairing the future useful
ness Of the oyster himself, but ut the
same time affecting the future of the
human racep
only use the oyster rs an illustration.
and | do not wish to cause alarm, but
say that if we stimulate the oyster ar
titcially and swell him up by scientific
means we not only do so at the expense
of his better nature and keep him away
from his family. bat we are making
our mark on the future race of men.
Oyster-fattening is now. of course.
in its infancy. Only few years ago
an effort was made to fatten cove Oy-
sters at st. Louis while in the can, but
the system was not well understood,
AMI those who had it in charge only
succeeded in making the can more
plump. But now oysters are kept on
feed and given nothing to do for few
weeks, and even the older and over
worked and swaybacked and rickity
oysters of the dim and murkey past are
made to fill out. and many of them
have to put u gore in the waistband of
their shells. only speak of the oyster
incidentily as one of the objects to-
wards which science has returned its
attention, and / assert W tn the utmost
confidence that the time will come. I'M
less science should get back-set, when
the present huntrng-case oyster will
give place to the open-face oyster,
grated on the octopus and big enough
to feed hotel. Further than that, the
oyster of the future VIII carry in hip
pocket flask Of vinegar. half a dozen
lemons and two little Japanese bottles,
one of which will contain salt and the
other pepper, and there will be someway
provided by which you can tell which
is which. But are we improving the
oN ster now? That is the question we
will ask ourselves. Is this healthy
fat which we are putting on HIM or is
in the home life of the oyster? We take
him from all home influences whatever
in order to make n swell of him by our
modern methods, but do we improve
his cond ton morally, and what is to
be the final result on man.
The reader will see by the questions
| ask that | am q true scientist. Give
me an overcoat pocket full of lower
case Interrogation marks and medical
report to run to, and can speak on
tho matter of sc ence and advancement
till Reason tottcrs on her throne.
But food aud oysters do not alone
affect the great pregnant future. Our
race is being tempered wtfnot only
by means of adulterat ons. political
comb nations and climatic changes,
but even our methods of relaxation are
productive of peculiar physical con-
ditions. malformations and some more
things of that kind.
Cigarette-smoking produces f1abby
and endogenous condition Of tine optic
nerve, and constant listening at tele-
phone and always with the same ear
gradually decreases the power of the
other ear till it finally just stands
around drawing its salary, but actually
refusing TO hear anything. Carrying
an eight-pound cane makes man lop-
sided, and the muscular aud nervous
strain that is necessary to retain a
single eycglass and keep it out of the
soup, year after year, draws the mental
stimulus that should 90 TO the thinker
itself. until at last the mind wanders
away and forgets to come back, or be-
comes atrophied, and the great mental
strain incident to the work of pound
ing sand or coming in when it rains Is
more than it is equal to.
Playing billiards. accompanied by the
vicious habit of pounding on the floor
| with the butt of the cue ever and anon,
producing at last optical illusions, phan-
tasmagonia and sions of pink spiders
with navy-bluo abdomens. Baseball is
not alone highly injurious to the UNI
pire, but it also induces crooked fingers,
bone SPAWN and hives among habitual
play crs. Jumping the rope induces
heart disease. Poker is unduly seden-
tary in its nature. Bicycling is highly
Injurious. especially to skittish horses.
! Boating induces malaria. Lawn tennis