The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1887-10-01
HUMOROUS.

w nat - n fu43hcU DHu4 H1ArA
good-looking lady. "A charitable in
stitution for ladies Of plain features,
was the reply.
We don't want TO disparage that
fruit called american statesmen"
but good deal Of II is picked before
it's ripe.
A milk trust" company has been
organized in Chicago, to include all
the milk producers. The distrust
company will include the consumers.
rs formerly.
An Omaha real-estate man was at
tackled by three foot pads the other
night. He killed one and forced tho
other two To buy thirty days option
on town lots.
First Chicago Woman Excuse me
but would you tell me your names
second Chicago Woman Really. do
not know. have not heard form the
Court House to-day Detroit Free
Press.
"Mamma, what is color blindg"
asked little Nell. Inability 10 tell
one color from another. my dear"
Then guess the man that made my
geography Is color blind, because he's
got Greenland down painted yellow"
Husband Getting ready for the
| operag Wife-Yes, dear. III. Dye
know why woman getting ready for
the opera reminds me of an unplucked
| fowlY W.--Not knowing, cant say.
/ H.--Because she has TO be undressed
to be dressed.
Probably there isn't an older phrase
in the English language than the
words: II love your and yet tie
most flippant young man doesn't even
think of saying "Chestnuts ~ when
some sweet young girl whispers ii
softly into his coat collar.
"Say. Dick, said George. who has
record as heart breaker, '.I'll be II in
a couple of months. It's terrible I'd
think of the work I've got To do in
that time" "Work! You haven't
any work TO do IL haven't. Don't
you call breaking seventeen engage
ments work.
Some Lincoln gentlemen have disa-
greed as TO the relative merits of their
babies, and will submit the matter 10
arbitration. The umpire of base
ball game will begin to think that he
leads o secure and peaceful life when
he sees the referee OF this baby show
lodging the parents whose babies get
left.
"Did you hear my sermon yester-
day." asked n Lincoln clergyman of
one of his congregation. mo; I'm
sorry TO say that didn't go to church
yesterday. What was your sermon
about!" About Joseph going down
into Egypt To buy corn" "Well. that
may be all right as n text, but IL
Joseph had read the official crop re-
port he'd have gone TO Nebraska for
corn"
Omaha Man Cat n health resort I
expect TO leave tomorrow for home.
Hotel Man-Ah! Got rid ofyour rheu-
matismy "No." dyspepsia" mo"
"Got rid OF your neuralgia. maybeg"
"No." "Humph You did not have
anything else when YOU came, did YOU"
YES, had" ibid yon get rid OF it,"
"Yes." "Well, that's encouraging.
What was II you had?" money"
flrBt Omalla Man EuTchdl Eo
struck IL at last. It's u new invention.
millions In 1t.
Second Omaha Mani don't take
much stock in patents.
"Yes, but this one is a dead sure
thing. IL Is hand-organ modelled
after the automatic race-tracks you
see in hotels"
Wont pay"
an have them everywhere. and will
rake in thousands OF dollars day.
Everybody who comes along will drop
a nickle into it,"
dropping nickle into IL starts 1t
to playing, | suppose"
''No, that stops Ii. Omaha World.
A little 6-year-old granddaughter OF
a well known New England clergyman,
in doubling statement by her uncle
that the moon Is made OF green cheese,
was advised by the divine 10 ascertain
for herself allow can I. grandpa
"Get your bible and see what IL says"
"Where shall begin?" Begin at the
beginning" The child sat down 10 read
the bible. Before she had got half
through the second chapter of Genesis.
and had read about the creation OF the
stars and the animals, she came bnek
To her grandfather, her eyes all bright
with the excitement Of discovery. II
have found IL grandpal 1t isn't true.
for God made the moon before he