Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1887-01-18


certain class OF suspicious wives. Jones
sfnay have stopped III SherlHck's ard had a
glass of Scotch ale. He comes home, and
MS wife promptly informs him that he
must have been guZ2ling a hogshead OF
ME. We instruct jones not to argue the
'point, but to candidly admit that she is
right, and that he brought up the hogs
snead and left 1t under the stoop to be used
TOT ashes. When accused of drinking a
nun cred glasses OF beer, do not deny the
sensation, but bring out a card (pre-
pAred beforehand showing by many fig
'nfee, that 1t must have been four hun
fireu and thirteen and four-fifths. Wife
says You love another woman. You an
swer smillngly thirteen and seven-eighths
other women, aud so on.
without going too deeply into the
pHruculars Of our system" added the
proprietor as he slipped the diagram into
Dis pocket and we both slid back on the
slippery sofa, ''let me point out some
other directions In which our candida eS
are trained. You must bear IN mind that
our attendants are thoroughly compe-
tent to carry out the parts assigned them;
they have all been married and divorced
and have had wide experience in dealing
with-or, should say, in being dealt with
by-wlves. One OF them VINO lately es-
caped-I should say who was divorced
condensed his marital history in three
phrases as he told it 10 new law stu
dent. At first, he observed, it was beau
tiiul, then it was grand, then it was fear
tul. only aliude to this fact to show
that our helpers, under the circum-
stances, enter INFO the spirit of our en-
terprise and help to make it a success.
Some women, to go on with my story. in-
spire their husbands 70 become slaves in
the office, splendid machines tor the
accumulation of money, who soon lose
not only the opportunity but the Taste for
harmless adjustment. WetraIn them in
that directipn,J We~make men saw hick-
Org wood ten koitrs at a stretch. In an
adjacent rOomnthey can hear the constant
clink OF glasses, SQUADS of merry laugh
ter, the buzz OF a -well-sustained CONVEX
satlon, snatches of singing; but through
Vt all they, must keep at their work, and
when they are through and they wipe
their brOws they must say to the attend
ant representing their better half: 40,
what precious privilege | eel it to be
to toll for you, my dear. PRAY go out to
The theatre with Charles Levison while
remain in my room and write up my
books We love to catch a candidate
when he has really tad a hard days
work in the busy world; when he has
battled for the coy dollar from early morn
until nightfall, has had several notes to
pay and failed TO receive remittances he
expected. Then IL is that we put him
through the whirlwind process; be is
leased, nagged, accused OF all SORTS OF
things, asked for money, dresses, theatre
tickets, ridiculed and scolded. Tbis.
probably, Is the severest test we have: it
is called "a full day when candidate
can 60 through all that goodnaturedly
and cheerfuIly; he has attained the eli
max of training.
"nid you ever uatice,n inquired the
Professor, as we both with due accord
slid to the back of the sofa, ''that big men
always marry little womens'
L admitted the general truthfulness OF
the observation.
"W ell, our statistcian bias discovered
that their little wives are much given to
dancing on their husbands. am not
speaking fguratively, but they indulge
In such gymnastics wnen man is lying
on the lounge alter his days work,
need scarcely tell you that they are
dancing for rage, not joy Now, our
candidates ought TO be prepared for such
a practice, and so we have the big men
go through the dancing process. One OF
the younger and more active attendants,
as soon as the candidate lies down on a
SOFA, literally jumps on him, executes
few very lively jigs, the mean
pnrase as "Weli, you bald headed old
wretch, will you get me that corduroy
suit, or won't you" This process is
rather severe, but it Will be the making
OF man If he can hold out and become
thoroughly tough med; it will be dollars
in his pocket in the long run. One OF our
rooms Is devoted to the neglected class
Here men can be seen learning the art OF
cooking SIMPLE dishes. Then, others are
being trained In the art of wearing
clothes out of repair. You will see m n
studying how to be happy while the but
tons are of their coats, rips are in their
trousers, and their vests are held to-
gether by bits of string. We have o
Iarge class in socks. Men commence
wearing them with small holes and work
their way up until they can do without
stockings entirely. The use of ordinary
pins in holding garments to-
getber IS thoroughly and practi-
cally illustrated, one of our students
can have pin stick in him for hours
while ne sings, Pm as happy as a biz
sun6ower.' Then we have what we call
ne sileBt system OF endurance. That is
Tor husbands with Seeding, roaring
wives. In torrent of language of the
most exasperating character the candi.
date is taught to remain perfectly silent,
smiling the meanwhile. reading the paper.
or smoking Cigar. In the upper story
OF the building, back room, we have tue
severe cases, the dish throwers. The
candidates sit at the ia Die and nave dishes,
dish cloths, rolling pins and lemon sQueeZ-
ers thrown at them. They are taught,
tirst, the art OF lodging, and second, train
ed 10 endure the Inconvenience OF some
of the practices; for instance, an ordinary
plate broken on the head, a dish clotn
taken on the tiu face, also heat tests
with hot tea and coffee. In snort" con-
cluded the professor, as we both slid
back on the slippery sofa for the last
time, sin short, we hope to 30 train the
candidate that when he leaves this place
he is even eager to enter the conflct--ex-
cuse me, should say the happy state
and feel that ne Is able to meet his antag-
somewhat equal grounds. That, briefly, is
an outline OF our work"
On leaving the institution the professor
thrust Il small roll into my hand.
alt Is one of our notices for the
married." be said. "Take it home and
hang it up in your ROOM
opened it as soon as | reached nv
residence. The motto had on one side
the representation of nus band with
battered face and torn clothes and on
the other wife with stern expression
on her face and rolling pin in her right
hand. Between them were the lines:
1h, be our boast, this ba our toast,
We fought in the SANG campaign.
decided not 10 hang IL up in my room.
fearful lest conflict should begin from a
cartnin quarter, and miudtul. more than