Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1887-10-22
How Stoves are Put Up.

when multitudes Of people are adj
justing their heating apparatus, pre-
pairing for cold weather, some will
recognize their own experiencein the
following amusing description from
the American Artisan of the way it
is done:
In the first place the man puts on
an old and very ragged coat. Then
he puts his hands inside the place
where the pipe ought to go, and
blackens his fingers, and then studi-
ously makes a black mark down the
side of his nose. Having got his
nose properly frescoed, the man
grasps one side of the bottom of the
stove, and his wife and the hired girl
take hold of the other side, and in
this way the stove is started from the
woodshed to the parlor. In passing
through the door, the man carefully
swings his side of the stove around
and jams his thumb nail against the
door post. AT last the stove is set
down in the proper place, and the
man and his wife and the hired girl
set out In a triangler search after the
stove legs. Two are finally found
inside the stove, where they have re-
manned since spring, and the two
others are found hidden under four
tons of coal. Then the old man holds
up one side Of the stove, while his
wife puts two Of the legs in place
then he holds up the other side while
the other two are being adjusted, and
one Of the first pair is displaced. The
trick Of getting the four legs into
their proper place is practised with
varying and Indifferent results for
some ten minutes, and by this time
the man gets excited and reckless,
and throws off his coat, regardless Of
the consequences. ey
. Then the man goes for the stove
pipe and gets a cinder in his eye.
The stove was put up in frst-class
shape last year by the stove man, but
this year the pipe proved to be a little
too long. So the man jams his hat
down over his eyes, takes a piece OF
pipe under each arm, and starts for
the tin shop to have it fixed. Then
, he comes back, steps his muddy
boots into one of the best parlor chairs
to see if the pipe will fit, when his
wife makes him come down. In the
, act of defending he plants his foot
square down on the hollow of the
cats back, and comes within an ace
Of tramping the baby under foot,
f Then the man gets an old chair from
the kitchen and climbs up to the
chimney opening again, and makes
G the startling discovery that in cutting
off the end O the pipe, the timer had
! made the pipe too large to enter the
t hole in the chimney. So the mar
l goes into the back yard and splits one
side of the end of the pipe with an ole
ak, and squeezes it between his hands
until he makes it smaller.
9 Then the man gets the pipe int
shape only to find that the stove doe.
q not stand true. Then the man an(
/ his wife and the hired girl move thu
stove to the left, and tho legs fall on
again. The legs are replaced anc
0 the stove moved 10 the right, ant
there is another seance with the legs
O Then the elbow is found not to b.
even with the hole in the chimney
n and the man goes into the woodshet
after some little blocks. Then tn,
man and his wife and the hired cir
essay to put the blocks under tn
q legs, and the pipe comes out of tn
g chimney. The mans wife is visibl,
agitated, and the man gets the dinin,
table out of the kitchen and balance
an old chair on it, and makes hi
# wife hold the chair while he perform
acrobatic feats on the grand combine
in an effort to drive some nails int
the ceiling, during which perform
ance the man drops the hamme
down upon his wife's devoted head
and she surprises him with a vel
worthy the emulation Of Comanch
o Indian. f.
Finally the man completes tn
7 grand act Of driving the nails, cor
q structs a wire swing to hold the e
u bow in position, hammers the pipe
a little on one side and then a little O
n the other, pulls one joint a little her
J. and pushes another length a littl
there, gives vocal expressions to
series of deprecatory and mildly pre-
fame adjectives, takes long breath
= breathes a deep-drawn sigh of relief
and DrOudlv fhot tho 10