Middletown transcript., 1887-12-15
THE PARsoNEss.

The parsoness-what does the term
signify ? What image does it bring
before the mind? AS it has not hith-
erto found place in our standard Eng
lish dictionaries, and as the world
should no longer remain in ignorance
as to its full meaning, a definition of
the word is here attempted.
Parsoness, ~, feminine of parson a
requisite addition to the accoutrements
of the leader of a spiritual army !; an
appendage necessary to the full useful
ness, of the shepherd of a flock; a de-
sirable agent by which the parson may
secure control over the feminine por-
ftion of his parish, oversee the work
ings of their various benevolent organ
izations, furnish an example to them
in all religious and social duties, and
protect himself against undue attention
prompted by their self-sacrifcing affec-
tion in short, the companion, the
wife, of that important member of So
ciety, the minister of the Gospel.
Also a target for the superfuous
gossiping energy Of the community,
possessing an unlimited amount of
physical power and nervous energy, to
be expended in visiting and becoming
acquainted with each individual mem
ber of the numerc us and diverse house.
holds of the district. rssdV always to
give detailed account of her own
family affairs, state of her wardrobe,
and condition of her larder to discuss
her husbands political views, and eX-
cuse her children's shortcomings a
compendium of all knowledge relating
to the organized charities and various
philanthropic and mission societies of
the globe ; an encyclopedia of hints
and suggestions valuable in the differ
ent forms of church entertainment
mine of information TO be disclosed
and put into use all undertakings of
literary character J; a committee of
ways and means for the advancement
of the financial interests of the Church
in all its departments.
Furthermore that female anomaly,
supposed to possess none of the little
vanities and desires dear to the femi-
nine heart, yet faultless in appearance
of self and family devoting her time
and attention to the interests of others,
yet in her own housekeeping without
flaw ; ever in condition to entertain
with credit to her supporters ready
to start all beneYolences head all SUBJ
scriptions reward all objects of chari-
ty, with no questioning as to the means
for so doing, because +" the Lord (if
not the Church in whose service she isl
will provides" having the ability to be
in two places at the same time, else
how, in six days, can she spend the
afternoon with the twelve matrons
who expect her, and who will interpret
her not coming as proof that they are
not of so much consequence to her as
their neighbors lavishing notice and
affection upon all, irrespective of age,
sort or condition, yet showing prefer
ence to none; anger-proof, SANDER
proof, weather-proof to all who. come
within her sway-comforter, adviser,
peace-maker, friend with abundance
of time and strength to conduct this
and attend that convention, to
visit this sufferer and console that one
in bereavement, to head this commit
tee, draw up those resolutions, sign
that petition, advance this cause and
prevent that calamity-protect, purify,
maintain very statesman in execu-
tive ability a general in tactics of
peace and war a physician to advise
in diseases of soul and body; a coun-
sellor in regard to both private and
public affairs a fnancier who must
make one dollar do the work of ten
mother whose children must be free
from criticism a wife and companion
without reproach.
She is not one woman :! nay, twenty
women Yet she can have at her COM
mand but one head, containing no
more than the usual amount of brain
tissue but one heart, crowded, it is
true, with love and sympathy and the
desire to do all things well but two
eyes and one tongue with which to
express all this fulness of heart but
two feet to run hither and thither as
duty (?) calls but two hands to grasp
the work placed before her !; but one
slight physical frame, but one human
mind and heart (ready and willing,
yes, but so often timid and shrinking),
to devote to the service which custom
requires of her-and stretch them as
she may, she can make of her year but
three hundred and sixty-five days, and
of hnr dava hut tuantv.fnrr hni1rs