The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1887-01-21
Her Husband on Election Day and
Night,

Know BOGser? He's my husband.
Doesn't know enough to come in when
it rains If he did he'd stay out and
get soaking wec just to obIige his polit-
icel party. BowseT is passably domestic
and intelligent except at election time.
\ inut week before election time he
beg:ns to act up. He saddles the party
Oh his back and begins to grow thin and
pale and nervous. His mind is filled
with majoritIes, splits, straights, slips,
cauards and candidates.
I give him Hail Columbia have
even kept him awake AL night talking
10 hIm-but it does little or no good.
The old crank is figuring out a net gain
! nr 12S in the Fourth precinct OF the
Sixth ward all the time I'm talking,
| and when forced by exhaustion TO stop
| for few moments he looks at me with
glistening eyes, reaches out his paw and
| yeIs
"Whop shake tell you we've got
'em ~ The closer it gets to election
day the more of an idiot he becomes
Strange men come to the house, and he
takes them out into the dwelling for -
whispered conversation, during which
time they nod and gesture and chucBle
and shake paws. He is called out Of
bsd TO stand on the front steps and nut
tel and humble With strangers. who
may be midnight assassins for all
know. l wish they were. 1 wish Ihey'3
hit him with a sand bag and render him'
unconscious until after election. He
slips out nights without asking my ad-
vioe or consent, and along towards
midnight, after l bad got the whole
pe3iee force look ing for him, he comes
sneaking in and confdentialiy whispers =
Say, Hammer, it's affixed mp to run
BiIker in the Seventh ward, and his
elections s assured. Well have grand
victory all along the line -
You old idiot What do l care
abcut Bilker or your grand victory ?''
yell at him.
,''Sh Don't talk saAoud or the oppo-
sition party will get on to our racket"
And the way he and the rest of 'em
write communications to the newspapers
signed PRO Bono Pubhco. "''Veritas, -
WoTkingman" and Taxpayer is
perfectly awful. I've known Bowser to
sit down ard write whole yard of stuff,
claiming to know exactly what allied the
country, and furnishing a political pan
acea for it., sign it "Fruth," +" and send 10
offto appear next morning in print and
scare half the country to death. BOwse7
know what ails the eoantry Why, be
don't know a wart from stone-bruise
II Is on election day that his vivid
foolishness glares like an electric light,
He gets up half an hour earlier. gulps
down hasty breakfast and rushes Of8tO
peddle tickets and challenge votes, and
see to bringing out the full vote. He
doesn't go, though, before l have said to
him "BowseT, you are a flat-fOoted
idiot You turn with a crank You
ought to be turned out with the kanga-
zoos You"
We'll make the majority 2,e00 all
around aud bury the opposition out of
sight - he exclaims, looking IN such
an awful way that | feel shiveTs run
ming up and down my back.
At noon I hear that he has bet our
house and lot on his favorite candidate.
At three O'Clock thathe has been pound
ed into jelly. At six that he has also
bet our horse, COW, the baby and the
cook-sto owe Oh majorities. At nine that
he has offered to bet me against $15
overcoat. At ten that he has gone to
political headquarters to stay week,
and that when Someone asked for my
health he replied "Furs' rate-tuff's
ole Ihinocerous an twice's ugly ~ IRA
fur Zheneral Zhackson ~
At midnight l kick his Sunday plug
hat across the floor, fling his slippers
out doors and smash bis pipe and go to
bed. I'll settle with Mr.. Bowser when
he comes home, aud if blood is then
split law must hold me blameless. at
noon next day he comes home in hack,
hat smashed, pockets inside out, coat
tails torn off and ah$5O suit of clothes
completely gone. His hat is on the
back of his head, his eyes b!oodshot, and
beer stains all over his vest. I arm my
self 20 slaughter him, but he begins to
cry and protest: "Shay, Hammer, go
light on 'er feller Hull ticket got
cleaned out by 1900 majority, an I've
come home ter die ~