Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1887-11-09
PRESS PLUMBER.

The most hteresdng Of ell ls-the.
pocket-book. g
WHENa man is Z. in his cups, . he is like:
an engine on night run, because he has q
head light.
A SOCIETY journal informs us that sswhen
gentleman and lady are walking up the
street the lady should walk inside the gem
teman.', s==5
.sMY FRIENDS" said q temperance lee
turerer, lowering his voice to an impressive
whisper, III all the grog-shops were at the
bottom of the sea, what would be the re-
sult2' And the answer came: Lots Of
people would be drownedr'
Here Is manuscript
wish to submit. Editor (waving his handy
--s.1'm sorry we are fuu Just now" Con-
tributor (blandly) VERY well; I will cali
again when some Of you are sober. l5..s. h..
"a New York man kissed his wife and
gular case indeed. If he had kissed another
mans wife and died it would have created
no surprise. That frequently occurs.
ANXIOUS Millionaire-'The sir, I have
your consent to pay my addresses to, your
daughter. Ali if only thought I could
win her affectioni'' Eager Father-"Why
have succeeded" S. 81 : =
"AND now,'' continued the clergyman,
1--WE have seen that millions on millions OF
people have been benefited by, following
this scriptural injunction" just then Law
yer Stubs woke up long enough to sayin
sleepy manner: "Move that the injunction
be made permanent '-Judge. s." Ess5~s. Z.
SEVERAL hands working for an old Am
1~..~ e. L ~, o<1.n 1nrr
right in the midst Of tobacco cutting, to
allow them to be of on Labor day. The
farmer scratched his head and then ejacu-
lated: "Wall, I should think those Legisla-
tive fellows better pass law next win
meals"
THE pitcher had a little ball, and it was.
white as snow, and where the striker
thought it was, the ball it wouldn't go. It.
had sudden in-shoot curve, it had a fear
full drop, and when the striker wildly
struck, that ball it didn't stop. sssWhy does
the ball fool striker so!'' the children all
did cry 1.-THE pitcher twirls the ball, you
know" the teacher did reply:
s'GoT any COW bells9" eyes, step this
way" s'Those are too small. Haven't you
any larger?" mo, sir, the largest ones are
all sold" Rustic started OF and got as far
as the door, when the clerk called after
him: ''Look here, stranger, take one OF
these small bells for your COW, and you
won't have half the trouble in finding her;
for when you hear her bell you will always
know she can't be far off," The farmer
bought the bell. ...
A FoRruNE-TELLER can hit a woman's case
nine times out of ten. ''You've had sick
ness and trouble. You'll have some prop
erty fall to you. You do not have full con-
fdence in your husband. Beware! He IS
deceiying you! You have a very gentle
nature. Every body loves you. You have
had trouble with relative. It was not your
fault. Beware of a blue-eyed woman with
q mole on her left cheek. She will make
YOU trouble. Good-bve-one doliar-caH
again.-.Detren Free Press.
A GOOD many years ago there was a big
real estate transaction, involved IN which
Phil Armour was one of the figures. The
sharpers thought they had him, but were
soon convinced that they were wrong:
They had tried to get him to drink several
times while the decker was going on, but he
was not drinking any. After the deal was
over, Phil said to the chaps whom ne had
gotten the best Of: "Now, gentlemen, you
must have something with me-" and taking
them into q small room where there was q
| pitcher and several glasses, he opened ut
| tie tin box, and said: Help yourselves"
The tin box contained Seiditz powders.