Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-09-07
WIT AND HUMoR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
Revenue cutters-Carlisle and Nor
rison.-Puck.
Hanging is too good for painting
that is badly executed.-New Age.
A stable government should be ont
that is ruled by horse sense.-Lowel
Courier.
Politics began when Joseph wa
sold out by his brethren.-New Or
leans Picayune.
There is no use crying over spilled
milk. 1t may be three parts water
Boston Courier.
Old Sol should have been indicted
for murder in the 10th degree
Washington Critic.
Why is hades like corner il
graini Because there is dell in it
Boston transcript.
]. Gould is proprietor of the larges
watering place in the world-his of
fice.-Springfeld Saturday Mirror.
Keely says that he will live to Sc,
his moter finished. Alas then, VIII,
will live to see Keely finished. Alt,
California.
Governess-"And what country
man is your papa ?"
Pupil-"Papa is bilious subject.
-Moonshine.
In one respect newspapers are like
women-when they get a new dress
they are bound to show it.-Charles
town Enterprise.
See how tastes differ. The Ameri-
can is very fond of an outing, but O
knouting makes the Russian mad
Pittsburgh Chronicle.
The man who left home to spend
the summer with his family has just
returned. The summer is not yet
spent, but his money is.-Ex.
Why is there so much stress laid on
making an exit at theatres easy? 1t
is the getting in easy that most people
would like.-St. Paul Herald.
A Chinese bank official embezzled
$4,000 taels He was caught and be-
headed, probably on the principle
that dead men tell no taels.-Boston
Post.
The order that the police of New
York must arrest all the monkeys
found on the streets, has created con-
sternation among the dudes.-Phila-
delphia Call.
"You should have been at the
butchers and grocers' picnic to-day"
was the remark made to an uptown
barber the other evening. "Wby, Pp
not butcher" General snicker
around the shop.-Buffalo News.
A man escaped from a Rhode
Island Jail by making rope of news
papers twisted together Newspapers
have got many scoundrel into Jail,
but they are not often used to get
out.-Leavenworth Times.
A Georgia paper says that Mr..
of Hancock county, cut a
few days ago, and when
opened it displayd distinctly formed
wv" on both halves. This must have
been one of the melons that will "W"
lp.-Norristown Herald.
Canadians owe the pleasure of hav-
ing rs their guests Mr.. McGarigle
and long list of other gentlemen
from beyond the border, mainly from
he fact that each boodler despair
I'd of finding OH the jury foreman
worthy of his steal.-Toronto Grip.
In an advertisement by railway
of some uncalled for goods,
he letter." had dropped from the
word lawful, and it read: "People to
whom these packages are directed, are
to come forward and pay
he awful charges on the mex.
81 see," said talkative guest to an
uptown hotel clerk, "tbat St. Louis
mas the biggest bore in the country
IN artisan we'll over 5000 feet deep"
The clerk sighed and said: "Well.
he man who stands behind this coun-
,er for day will agree that there are
bigger bores than the one in st. Louis
Hotel Gazette.
Mr.. Spurgeon says: "A wild goose
never lays tame egg No, it nev.
y does but the egg will become
anne, Mr.. Spurgeon, if you keep it
ono enouvh Tanee Insinid sir