The Ketchum keystone. [volume] (Ketchum, Idaho) 1885-1899, 1887-01-22

frlend. DO me . klnaness. leii me, 40
you belong to the asylum or are you
Just here on visit or something like
thatP And he looked me over stupidity
and said: Marry! Fair SIR OH
l said, That will do. = / guess you arc q
patient 10 another be said: ".Now,
my friend. If could sec the head keep
or just a minute, only just q minute.
He said: 'Prithee do not let me- Let
you whatr DO not hinder me, il the
word please thee BETTER and he was an
under cook, and had no time to talk,
though he would like TO another time,
for it would just comfort his very liver
70 know where got NV clothes"
Then another, . lad, came to him say
ing that he was page. "'Oh! 20
along l said; you amt more than a
paragraph The page happened to
mention that he was born in the Begin
ming of the year 5lS.
lit made the cold chllls creep over
me. stopped and said, little family,
Now, maybe l didn't hear you just
right Would you say that again. and
say it slow? What year did you say it
wasp The year 5l3'
"And. according TO your notions
according to your lights and supersti-
tions-what year is it now?' Why he
said. the year 528, the 10Th of June.
Well. l felt mournful singing of the
heart and mattered; 4 shall never see
my friends again-never see my friends
any more; they won't be born for ~
much as q thousand years."
The speaker had often been interrupt
ed BY laughter. but at the originality
and fun Of that conceit his auditors
laughed until they cried. and kept on
with renewed outbursts over
and over again. How the cute Yankee
to get at the bottom facts
about the year by watching for q a total
eclipse Of the sun that he remembered
the almanac of 1884 had spoken Of As
having occurred in 528. will have to be
learned from the book when it appearA
Il made up my mind to two things.
II 1t was still the nineteenth century
and l was among lunatics and couldn't
get away would boss that asylum or
know the reason why. and il. on the
other hand. it was really the sixth CEN
tury. all right didn't want any bet
ter thing; I'd boss the whole country in-
side of three months. for / judged I'd
have the start on the best educated man
in the kingdom by 1900 years. But
I'm not man to waste time. so said
to the boy: Clarence. il your name
should happen to be Clarence. what's
the name of that duck, that galoot, who
brought ME hereY"
The galoot turned out to be Sir Kay.
the seneschal. In the natural course OF
the story came the charming description
of the interior of King Arthur's castle.
leading up to a royalty funny account
Of the competitive lying of the gallant
knights about their feats at arms. The
transposcd Smith looked upon the
knights Ms y sort of "white Indians"
their bigness and their sim
plici,y. and eventually concluded:
There didn't seem 10 be brains
enough in the entire nursery to bait .
fishhook, but you didn't mind that aft
er little while. for you saw that brains
were not needed in society like that,
and would have marred its symmetry
and spoiled it."
Everybody goes to sleep when Merlin
reels off that same old story about Ex-
calibur. Guinevere makes eyes Mt
in way that would have got
him shot in Arkansas. King Arthur
orders the Yankee to 60 to some un-
known place not down in any map.
capture castle. kill the colossal saucer
eyed ogre who owned 1t, and release
sixty royal princesses. OF course he
went, but he reflected:
"Well, of all the id contracts,
this is boss! I offered to sublet it to Sir
to let him have it at ninety
days. with no margin. but No. he had
got better thing. He was going for .
of one-eyed giants aud COL
lege OF princesses.
1t occurs to him finally. after wonder
ing if compromise with the ogre
wouldn't work, simply to go back and
tell the king with artistic circumstan-
tiality of detail that he was killed by
the ogre He does so. and. Of course.
the king and his knights, who arc used
to swallowing each others huge lies.
readily take in his. and brilliant ca
recr opens before him as the boss liar
Of the court
He took contract from King Arthur
10 kill of Mt one Of the great tourna-
ments fifteen kings and many acres OF
hostile armorcd knightA When. lance
in rest they charged by squadrons upon
him, he, behind the protection OF .
barbed wire fence charged with electrici-
II. moved them down with Calling
guns that he had made for the occasion.
fIe found that the education of the
nineteenth century is plenty good
enough capital TO 90 into business in
the sixth century with" and the next
year he was running the kingdom all
BY himself on moderate royalty OF 40
per cent
He spoiled the OGRE business; cleared
out the fuss and Aummery of romance
and put King Arthur's kingdom on .
strictly business basis. Inside OF three
and half years the Improvement was
complete. Cast-iron clothes had gone
out Of fashion. Sir Launcciot was rum
ming q kind of Louisiana lottery. Tho
,carch for the holy grail had been given
M for hunt for the northwest passage.
King Arthur's l4O illustriOus knights
had turned themselves into a stock
board, and q seat 1T the round table
was worth $50. OOO.-M Y. SuM