New Ulm weekly review., 1887-08-17
lining IN THE COUNTRY.

LIstfNG IN THE G couNTRY.
How . Newspaper Man Tried to Bur-
galtze His own House.
q Journalist, who has been in the
fabit of sending his family to the sea-
shore each summer to be loaded up with
malaria and eaten up by mosquitoes.
determined this year to try the country
brands of these articles, and conse-
luently took a house in the suburbs,
where city taxes and country roads
ihelp to keep the inhabitants from being
100 blissfully happy. He moved out
asst week, and for three days he made
The .!he bulk Of his friends weary with his
thapsodies on the beauties Of life in the
country where the grass grows green
and the birds and bullfrogs make the
air musical day and night; where the
sherry trees tempt the wayfarer and
the bulldogs warn him against falling
INTO temptatson. All this and much
more has been discoursed until his
friends girded up their loins and fled at
his approach. To-day. however, he
came to the Office and his usual bud oct
OF country news was not opened; on the
contrary, he sat down at his desk and
never word spoke he to anyone. The
city editor, fearing that something had
happened to him, came to him and in
kindly tones beseeched him to unbosom
himself. With sigh the journalist
said: ou know I've moved into the
country. " The city editor groaned,
Tor he knew it only too we'll ~ ou see
I've been so stuck on the place that
I've staid over there every night until
last night. when / had some business
that called me into town. I went and
finished what | had to do as quickly as
possible. and took the 10 O'clock train
tor home. | reached the station in
about twenty minutes. Now the road
to my house is through a little woods.
around corniield, and across two
meadows. It is a beautiful daylight
road, but about the worst after dark
pathway you ever came across. was
all right until struck the woods, and
though the moon was shining, the place
was as dark as pantry [ got in SO far
that 1t was impossible to retrace nv step.
Ihe natives, understand, use lanterns
in their after-dark peregrinations, and.
as the cigar store signs say, SO will in
the future; but last night Ibid not know
this custom, and l went stumbling
on, Keeping in the path by the aid of a
few matches I had in my pocket. {
finally reached the cornfield and then
[ walked into a ditch. I extricated
myself and proceeded on my journey,
and after several adventures with in
qulsltive COWS I reached my home.
Now, thought [, as put my kew in the
door, my troubles are over. Alas,
they had only just begun. 1t was a
new Key and a new lock, and they
had never met before, and did not take
to each other on first acquaintance.
worked away for quarter of an
hour without results, and determined
to ring the bell; but there is no bell, SO
pounded away until awakened
every person in the neighboring
houses and every dog for twenty miles
around. My folks, however. slept the
the sleep OF the just. Then l tried the
windows, al commercially locked and
barred. Then | scaled the gate and
tried the summer kitchen. Locked.
too In my despair / broke pane of
glass IN the sash next to the door, and
thrust my hand through the aperture
and slipped the bolt. entered. butt.
alas! only to find that the main kitchen
door was impregnable. Sadly retrac-
ed my steps and went into the ward and
amused myself and enraged the two
million dogs that belong around our
part by heaving bricks at my wife s
bedroom window. Peacefully She slept
on. Then went to the front door
again and kicked all the paint off it.
When | had bruised my feet sufficiently
the good lady awoke and let me in. I
talked for awhile, and then she said:
It's blessed thing that the children
are asleep and can not hear such awful
language
II am perfectly sure that eyery man.
woman, and child in the neighborhood
mas g me down as thoroughly abandon
ed person, and I suppose committee
from the church will call and condole
with my wife to-day. What makes
me mad. he concluded, lis the GER
talnty that, while ! could not get into
the blamed place, the first burglar that
comes along will have no difficulty il
making his entrance and wandering
unmolested all through the house.
f7lslGdelp1aia G;0l1
Sincerely.