Phillipsburg herald. [volume] (Phillipsburg, Kan.) 1882-1905, 1887-12-23
HUMOR

WHE1 = man is up a stump he feels
bad When q squirrel is up a stump
be feels all right.
A NEW labor movement-Getting up
IN the morning to light the fire when
your wife tells you.
HEALTH may be wealth, but q flush"
doesn't always indicate the possession
Of either.-Ieras SJti91gs.
WHEN Boyton dimes while floating on
the waves he never complains of his
bllIoW fare.-Teras Strings.
"MIKE, did you ever catch frogs p"
"Yes, sorr. what did Won bait
with ?" bate EN- with a shticlz, sorr.
YOUNG writer-What do you think
Of the poetry 1 turn out, sir? Old
sir.
"WHAT are You doing now, Thomas ?"
asked the minister, patronizingly. II
am writer for the press" said the
lad proudly. Indeed, you are quite
young for that. What do you write ?"
= direct wrappers"
VISITOR (nOticing an active autumn
ndustry)-"I should think that Chica-
60 would be an excellent place for
comic papers. CitiZen-@W Why SOP"
Nlsitor-1It is such a good chestnut
market. "-ATkGILSUlU ITdUeleT.
WHAT has he done? That was Ma
poleon's test. What have you done?
Turn up the faces of your picture
cards You need not make mouths at
the public because it has not accepted
you at your own fancy value. --LOlCeU
Boston hostess (entertaing a guest
from ChicagO)-Whatc condiments Will
you have, Mr.. Wabash? Mr.. Wabash
Thanks, nothing more, Mrs. Waldo;
am abundantly supplied with every
thing, with the exception, perhaps, Of
a little pepper and salt.
THE hexibiIity of the English Ian
guage Is shown in the reply Of an Irish
man to a man who sought refuge IN his
shanty in a heavy shower, and finding
it about as wet inside as out, said, "YOu
have quite a pond on the floor "Yis /;
shure we have a great lake in the roof.
Editors Dral0eT, IN HaTpeT'S Maya
zine.
FIRST Undertaker-Come around to
my house tonight. Second Under
taker-I would but have an engage
ment. "Business?" "No, I promised
lady friend of mine to call this even
ing and try to cheer up her husband. 4"
"Sick?" "NO, he's funny man on a
newspaper. Omaha World.
"I SEE it stated, remarked thehorse
editor, "that the use of tobacco tends
to destroy the memory" Il think it
does, replied the snake editor, and he
looked very hard at his colleague as he
said it. 81 have noticed that the man
who uses the most forgets to purchase
it when he is on the street. Pitts
blJTgh Chronicle.
@YoU must practice economy, young
man, said the old gentleman; @you are
altogether too eZtravagRnt. Il do
/ practice economy" was the response.
! Il only ate a bowl of bread and milk
to-day for my lunch. "That looks
J better" commenced the father, some
what modified. "What did 1t cost you,
/ ten cents ?" well, 1 had to give the
waiter half a dollar, father. - HaT-
| per's Bazar.
"GETLEAIEN, Numbered the Judge
to the contending lawyers, "this case
must be settled before the court ad-
| iOurns. There has been diily-dailying
| enough. Well, what is it ?" he said
/ turning to a court attendant who had
| ventured to bespeak the judicial atten-
ton, 81 am very busy" "a couple of
| political friends of yours, whispered
| the attendant, "are outside waiting for
you to JOin' 'em." upon further con
| sideratiOn," said his Honor, az declare
| this court adjourned until tomorrow at
/ II o'clock. "-EDOrh-