The Irish standard., 1887-01-08

| iurists who have worn the erlnine of the
Chief Justice.-N. Y. Rome Journal.
S,<'NFLlNT'S, SCHEME.
\ Jersey Hayseed Who Had ~ Matrimo-
NAL Head at Once Large and Level.
The other morning, just as the rising
sun made the frost on the grass twinkle
like crust of diamonds, and the cock
had succeeded in Growing his throat
clear, old Uncle Skinaint, aJersey hay
seed, called upon his son:
"Reuel, catch the bull-dog!'
Old Uncle Skinflint looked proudly
at his son, as he vanished like an UNI
brella around the corner of the house.
In the course OF ten minutes he re-
turned with large bull-terrier with
wicked eyes and jaws that fairly famed.
Old Uncle Skinflint tied the dogs
legs and called for the family pine
ers. When they were brought, the
old farmer held the dogs head firmly
between his knees. and, in spite of his
bowling and writhing, pulled every
tooth out of his head.
Then he set the dog free, and it was
funny to observe the expression OF his
mouth as he jumped into the air to
grab the bone tossed to HIM by kind
hearted Mrs. Skinfint.
s'Sned Skinfint," observed the
farmers wife, when she noticed what
was the matter with the dog, and saw
her husband wiping the pincers on the
grass, II jest wanter know what you We
been a-doin'?' ?''
"Never you mind, Emmeline,'' he
replied. as he drew his entire arm
from the shoulder to the wrist across
his face; ''never you mind. Emmeline,
what have been a-doin', but ken tell
you I amt went through sixty years
without a-knowin' what I'm about
Then he called Reuel and said:
Fetch down the gun and axe
His wife thought he was going to
chop in the woods, and was taking the
gun to be prepared for any edible bird
or animal that might happen along.
But when he commenced to chop the
gun to pieces, her amazement was be-
yond description.
'tWhy, law sakes, Sned Skinfint. I
never seed such goings on afore; what
in the worlds the matter of youP''
.'Jeewhittaker, exclaimed Uncle
Skinhint, "that gun amt worth cuss
now. I'll bet my buckwheat crop agin
a sour apple, Samanthy ill have a
better show now. ...-.
'Say, air you crazy. Sned SkjnflintP"
inquired Mrs. Skinfiint, holding her
hands in indescribable horror; lair you
gone stark mad crazy, Sned Skinfint?"
Emmeline Skinfiint" exclaimed
Sned, without paying the slightest at
tention to the criticisms she had been
making so freely; s'Emmeline Skim
flint, do you know them cow-hide boots
that I was telling Of you about last
nightp"
lyon mean them as you was a-sayln'
you was goin' to buy after pig-hillin'.
'sThem very same, Emmeline."
She was obliged to respond in the
affirmative.
.:Well, aim It a-goin' to buy 'em.'
.'Reuel,'' he shouted, after he had
made the above profound statement,
.'you go up and bring down them old
boots Of mine.''
When Reuel appeared with the boots,
old Uncle Skinfiint held them by the
legs, l3ld the Ieet on the chOpplng-
block, and commenced hacking them
to pieces.
''Now, then, san2anthy will have a
better show
''WThat has san1anthy got to do with
this?" demanded Mrs. Skinaint.
"Jest this mucl,," replied Sned,
.'every man about here S afeared to
come and see Samanthy. They're
afeared of the dog, the gun and my
boots. Now I'm a-goin to put up
notice in Lish Bishops store that I've
pulled out the dogs teeth, chopped up
my gun and boots only wear rubbers,
and that I keep the fire gojn' all night.
Then, En1meline. / want you to set out
cider an punlpkin-pies an cookies in
the parlor, and then We'll get Saman-
thy married"
And SO old Sned Skinfint walked in
to breakfast. his wife smiled a smile
several sizes too large for her face, and
congratulated herself on possessing
husband with q matrimonial head at
once large, clear and level.-Puc6.