The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1887-02-03
n1anitomof pilot.
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 1887
WIT AND HUMOR.

you think l ought to get for this paint
ing? Charley-Six months.-b0St0f'
| Herald
A Lewiston lady is said to be writing
book ON How to Manage Husband"
She is a spinster and keeps three cats
-LeUtst0rs (lHe.) Journal
Where shall we 90 for the winters"
asks a writer. Northern Manitoba is
| a pretty good place. There is said TO
| be considerable winter there. -Bur!tng-
ton Free Press.
Why is it that woman with a costly
fan finds the atmosphere in the theater
SO warm while the man next to her Is
! thinking of putting on his overcoat7-
Nea0 HaUe1s News.
WHO will bring me kisses sweet?"
inquiries gushing poetess. We don't
know, dear, but if you wish we will for
-Ne10 HaUefs NeUs.
Rather late at church this time,
Frau Muller?" "Ach. va, you know
our canary usually wakens me in the
morning; but to-day, just fancy, it
oversight itself -RUnl0rtstisChe Btaetter.
Actor (who has recently married fell
low-actress): NV wife was so popular
that on our wedding-day we were in the
happy position of being able to pawn
no fewer than twelve brace4etsn'-Dte
Ne3le IFeh.
English Lords, it is said, wear their
hats a little more over their eyes than
! formerly. In the light Of recent occur
-ences it ls not strange that the British
. l. L l.. Il l. So
Boston Transcript.
Wife (reading the paper Here is an
account of man IN Iowa who has sold
/ his wife for $75. Isn't it dreadful?
Husband 0houghtfully)-Wen, dunno.
Seventy-five dollars is a good deal of
money.-N Y san.
"And what was the disposition of the
remains?" was asked of man who re-
Gently lost his mother-in-law. The
( disposition of the remains" he replied,
with real feeling, sis quiet and peace
full. Harper'S Bazar.
One row of seats full of ladies wear
ing high hats in q theater makes the
star actor think he has n big house.
The beggarly rows of empty benches
beyond cannot be seen from the stage
/ AeU orleans PlcdyuHe.
First saleslady-"Ah! what a charm
ing young gentleman that was to whom
you sold those collars. Do you know
anything about him?" Second sales
woman-''O. yes-he measures sixteen
inches round the neck. "-D0rf 6arb1er.
| Secretary Manning has decided that
such works Of art as were made before
A. ID. 1900 are 'anclent" and may pass
the customs without paying duty. Let
us see! This admits ballet-daucers free
of duty, doesn't it?-NeW York Graphic.
They eat horses in France" observ-
ed Joxgins; isn't it horrible" Il
think YOU ought to be the last to say so, :"
reioined Snooper. How is that?"
You have been known to consume a
great many points yourself y td-6ltS.
Congressman on the stump for re-
election-"Wha the nation needs, fell
low-ctizens, is reform, with honest men
| in office" Voice in the crowd-"All
right; we'll elect another man to take
your place" And they did Washisg-
ton critic.
l.told under the head OF Earthquakes, ="
DuI the luO5L ItlldI hdUIt We GNtI uttIu
was that OF the man who could not
sleep in church because the nap was
worn off his oyercoat collar. -BUrtIng.
tori free Press.
They were seated at late Sunday
dinner when the door-bell rang. Good
ness gracious she exclaimed, Its our
minister. and I've been eating onions"
Never mind, my DEAR replied her
husband. you need not kiss him TO-
day. ''-Bro0kiy'1 Banner
Yes Bill I'm engaged to Miranda.
" timid?' "When you are married to
her, Joe. much of that timidity will
wear off. You'll be taking off your
boots in the lower nall at night inside
OF the first six months. "-Ibtiadeipb1a
CcH
He was about to propose. but was
somewhat nervous. He didn't know
how to begin. At last he stammered
out: I'm very uneasy" "Uneasy?"
she echoed. Then he added emphatical-
": I'll bet it's flea off my dog. I've
beer there" He didn't propose.-BoS-
| ton Courier.
Counsel for the defense Gentleman
of the jury, the term of punishment de-
manded by my learned friend, the pub
lie prosecutor, is far too severe; besides,
| do not think that the prisoner with
his weak constitution will be able to
work out sentence of penal servltude
for life. -Bache tjsr die.
Charlie SAID a young K street
wife to her husband. "are you going to
give me that sealskin?" Il can't ex-
| actly say, my dear. | haven't made
up my mind yet" 20. haven't you?"
she replied with q snap. well, it
seems to me it takes you very long
timasto make up little thing like
that. y Washington Critic
And that is silver ore, is itP" said
Mrs. Snaggs, as she examined piece
OF curious-looking mineral Yes, my
dear" replied her husband. "And how
do they get the silver outP" They
smelt it. swell, that's queer" she
added. after applying her nose to the
ore, 4 smelt it, 800, but didn't get any
silver. ~ utSburg Chronicle.
t, An expert in chirography turns over
and over in his hand commercial note
which he is examining and then, de-
clares solemnly: 1--WE are not able to
say that the deceased wrote with his
own hand this note which has been
submitted to US. but we are able to af-
/ firm without hesitation that it was he
that dictated it. "-French Fun.
George" she said, as they sat to-
gether in the cleaning. when we get
married we'll so to England on our
wedding tour, won't we?n TO Eng
land, Ell? Why. was thinking of sun
G ny Italy y,a and spain" Yes, bur
nei in England, and it takes train
eight minutes 10 go through it"-RittS-
! burg Dispatch
How ever did you get the heels all
scraped off your shoesP'' asked Cora.