The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-11-02
An Error for the Humorist.

There is a sort of humorist whose
manuscript turns up in this Office with
the utmost regularity, and goes out of
it with the utmost regularity.
This is the mar with the joke about
the young lover and the father with
large boot and a larger bulldog.
This merry-maker is spending a
large portion of his substance in post
age-stamps, and common humanity de-
mands some interference on our part
We cannot let him go down to the
poor-house without some attempt to
steer him toward the right course.
Bulldogs? Boots Gentle Idiot, there
are no bulldogs, there are no boots
for the young man who comes a-court-
ing nowadays. He must be worth
less character indeed, if he be not well
come in the house of many daughters.
Dear Idiot, the path of the marry
ing young man is strewn with roses.
He is not man to be snubbed and
sighted; he is man to be welcomed
with great JOY, and with. timbrels, and
with the sound of the sackbut. The
mother bows down when she meets
him, and the father goes unto the front
gate to bid him enter. A feast is pro-
vided for nina great entertainment
and free lunch is spread on both sides
of the path that leads unto the house
door,
Know you not, Sweet Idiot, that it
costs dollar or two to keep a daugh-
ter in decorative idleness? If horse
may be said to eat his head off, what
shall we say of young woman whose
heaviest burden is her winter bonnet?
Nay, Fair Idiot, there is no one in
that young woman's family who has
aught to say against the young man
who deigns to visit her with matri-
monial intent. Well does that young
man know that his father-in-law-to-b be
will ever support him. The main
question with him is slightly different.
he has to make sure that he will not
have to support his fatherin-law.
For. be it known to you, o, Idiot,
it is the young men who are making
money; it is the old men who are pay
ing interest on mortgages. The time
has gone by when q man had to marry
at twenty for fear of be ng called an
"old bach" at thirty. The man of
forty is charming young fellow, if he
is unmarried. Everybody courts him.
Every body asks him to dinner. He
has to learn to spar, so to speak, to
keep off eligible daughters. Bull
dogs? Boots? Why, the mans ears
are deaf with listening to the praises
of Jane Matilda and Maud Louise,
If you must write of such matters,
Wild Idiot, write of the shining truth.
Write down the fact that Charles
Augustus, be he ever so homely, ever
so mean and small, ever so vicious and
ill-bred, is made at home in the family
circle, because it may come to pass
that he will look with favorable eyes
upon Charlotte Augusta, and wed her,
in the end. if he is given sufficient en-
enlargement
Write of this, and your tales will be
printed. Down oblivion, with the
dul,est and most sickening thud known
to OR nineteenth century civilization,
have gone your merry jests about
booted and bull-dogged parents, for
the truth was not in them. Arouse
yourself! Trumpet forth to the world
the fact that young man who can
support wife is at present selling at
about two hundred per cent premium
and strike a popular chord. Bull
dogs? Boots? Write of young men
who would give good money if they
could get out of house full of daugh-
ters-or, even, full of one daughter
as easily as they could get in.-Puck.