The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1887-02-17
let the decision reflect both tho non.parti.
aan opinion Of the judges and the best In
terests Of oil the people. REPUBLICAN.
IA IHheeltng, Febr.arg 10, 1887. lLL- NJ
MARK TWAIN ON sCIIooLs,

| a Witty Speed, ut n Dinner In New Yorl
on Thursday. E.t
Aers Tspatn at Tie New York StGIlonns' Banquet.
As to Mr.. Beaman's attacking Dor
franklin, that can be explained. re-. 0
Boaman, one Of Senator Evarts' law part
ners, had spoken q few minutes before.
franklin was sober because no lived IL
Philadelphia. Why, Philadelphia 10 Z
gober CITY to-day. What must It have
been In Franklin's time. [Great laugh.
teri. Why it 10 as good 40 Sunday to be
IN Philadelphia now. More laughter
Franklin waa frugal, and, as he sayu him
sell with becoming modesty, no had no
vice., because, though he little suspected
1t, he made vice Of irugality. You saw,
as Mr.. Beaman told you how he did, but
when he mentions why no did he gives
himself away laughter and, finally, he
wishes that at the last he may DO showed
into a barrel Of Madeira; but II he had
lived bore instead OF in Philadelphia ho
would have wanted to get the barrel OF
Madeira into him. Roars OF laughter
! nm here In the character Of author and
publisher, but think will let that rest,
[ Renewed laugh,er] Oh, I can tdll YOU
a great deal about publishing, but don't
think | will. ! am rather too fresh yet.
[ Laughter. / an at tho hores: atage
now, but alter while, when graduate
and grow rich, will tell you all about It.
Long-continued laughter.
In my combined character as author
and publisher | receive a great many
manuscripts from people who say they
want candid opinion whether that Ia
good literature or not. That is NIL a lie;
what they want Is compliment. Laugh.
ter. But as to this matter Of education,
the frat that strikes you ia how mucl,
teaching has really been done and how
much ls worthless examining. You have
all seen little book called "English as
She Is Spoke" Now, in my capacity as
publisher ! recently received a manu-.
script from a teacher which embodied a
number Of answers given by her y,u.
pills to questions propounded. These an.
swera show that the children had moth.
Ing but the aound to go by the senae was
perfectly empty. Here are come OF thor
answers to words they we're asked to de-
Tine: MISUNDERSTANDING to an orilice
Laughter ;ammonia-the food OF the gods
renewed laughter; equestrian-one who
asks question: [roars Of laughter]; para
slte-a kind OF umbrella [shouts OF laugh
ter (; ipecac-a man who likes good din
ner renewed laughter And.here is the
definition OF an ancient word honored by
agreat party. Republican, sinner men
TONED in the Bible. Shouts Of laughter
and applause And nero ia an innocent
de!lverance OF geological kind: "There
are good many donkeys in the theologi.
cal gardens" [Great laughter Here is
also definition which really isn't very
bad IN Its way: Demagogue--a vessel
containing beer and other liquids. PRO
longed laughter Here, too. is q sample
OF a boys composition on girls, which, /
must say. rather like:
Girls are very stuckup and dignified in
their maner and behaveyour. They think
mora OF dress than anything and like to
play with dowls and rage. They cry il
they SEQ COW in far distance and are
afraid OF guns. They stay at home all the
time and 90 to church every Sunday.
They are always sick. They are always
funny and making fun Of the boys hands
and they say how dirty. They cant plsy
marbles. 1pity them, poor things. They
make fun of boys and then turn round
and love them. I don't believe they ever
killed cat or anything. They look out
every nite and say, '"Oh, ant the moou
lovely!" Thir is one thing l have not told
and that is they always now their. lessons
better than boys. .5s,