The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-12-15
flashea of Gnn.

mo both ends meet when he catches an
eel.-Beston Courier.
"An' what did de doctor say 2"
"He said de chile had a tack of erysip-
elias"
"Ery-sipelas! I allus said dat chile
would have trouble will his ears some
day"
Wife (who has, had her photograph
taken)-"I think the expression about
the mouth, John. is too firm"
Husband-"A trihe, perhaps, but it
was probably an effort for you to keep it
shut, my dear" y
She-"You're getting long-sighted,
dearest, you'll have to wear glasses" =
He Grading a paper at full arms length
-"Stuff and nonsense! It's not. my
sight that's long-it's my arms that are
not long enough" ~ :
Young Mr.. Sissy-"Justgo got back from
Europe, Jack. Gone two months; had a
boss time" 'E't - .
Jack-"You show signs of age, Sissy"
Sissy-"Age?
Jack-"Yes, Storage" -
"~Grandpa," inquired johnny Bliss,
"must everybody die 2" fHF ,-
Eyes, my child. Everyone. in this
world must die when his time comes" T.
"Well"-long pause e" what Tdlike to
know is, who'll bury the last man?"
Nothing more quickly curdles the milk
of human kindness which irrigates the
creamy purity of the bosom of a milkman
than for a customer to order a pint Of the
tactical fluid and her tell him to "chalk
it down."-Haryord Sunday Journal:
Flows your son getting along in New
York, Mr.. Hayseed?" "I guess he amt
dom as well as he says he is. He was
home tother day and had on a colored
shirt and a white collar. I rayther sus-
pect he's behind, with his washerwoman,"
young man." said a cross old lady on
a street car, "terbacker smoking makes
me sick
1T used to make me sick, too, ma'am,"
replied the young man, lighting a fresh
cigar, "but Lord, you'll get used to it
after awhile"
Miss Ethel-Mr. Bloomer called upon
you night before last.
Miss Clara-Yes; he is delightful! But
he staid so late!
Miss Ethel with a slight cougD-Yes;
he told me it was II o'clock before he
could get away.
ado you believe in reciprocity" asked
Augustus of his Amanda. "Well," said
Amanda, thoughtfully, II don't know
exactly what you mean. If you mean
fisheries, [ don't know anything about it.
If you mean kissing, 1 believe in reel
procity every time"
First speaker-"Sa fellows, you don't
know what a bore this thing of wearing
glasses is; and I never have been able to
get a pair that suited both my nose and
eyes" Second speaker-"Well, you can't
expect the ayes and noes to be unanimous
for a thing."-Harper's Bazaar.
Jones Cat the circuS)-Hello, Smith, you
here?'
Smith-Yes, I had come to take care Of
my little boy.
Jones-Where's the boy?
Smith-He was taken sick at the last
moment and couldn't come.-NeW York
Sun.
"Can you tell me, darling, he asked, as
they sat together in the weak spot of the
sofa, the exact physiological and mathe-
NAUTICAL duration of a kissT'
about a second and a half, [ believe
she answered, demurely.
"Thanks," he replied; Il will make a
minute of it."
A Mild Reproof: Husband (dresslng)-
"Where in the world are my boots, my
dear ?" Wife-"On the mantlepiece,
where you left them last night"
II thought you took an unusual inter-
est in my welfare" remarked an unsuc-
cessful lover. "No, indeed; she replied;
"only in your farewell."-lfodern Society.
Don Atenogenes complains bitterly Of
the conduct of his son. He relates at
length to an old friend all the young mans
escapades. "You should speak to him
with frmness to call him to his duty"
says the friend. "But he pays not the
least attention to what [ say. He listens
only to the advice of fools. 1 wish you
would talk to him."-Mericon Fun.
Young mani love your daughter,
sir, devotedly. May I hope for a blessing
from you?" Old man-"Have you spo-
ken to my daughter upon the subject?'
Young man-"Yes, and she refused me-
Old man -"Well, doesn't that settle IT.
Young man-"No sir. You forget that
| am a life insurance agent, and never
take no for an answer."-NeW York Sun.
"Willie Walters" said the teacher,
(which is the shortest day in the year?"
"Twenty-fust of December" replied
Willie, who was correct as far as the wri-
ter knows.