Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1887-10-14
HIS FUNNY SAYINGS.
The Late Henry Ward Beecher as n HUI
morist.

The Late Henry Ward BeeCher as a HUI
mOrist.
There is much that might be said about
Beeeher as a humOrist, but nothing that
could be said in proof of his claims would
interest people 80 much at this time as
what he said himself. The book before
US, therefore, which bears the foregoing
title, and which consists of selections
from his published works made by Eleanor
Kirk, is timely and will be welcome.
Mr.. Beecher was fond OF saying funny
things, and thousands Of people were fond
of hearing them. II is reasonable, there
fore, to suppose that there are many who
will be glad to possess such sallies
in their collected form. The COM
pilatIOn in hand seems a careful one.
The maker has taken pains 10
make it fairly representative, and, in It's
limits, worthy. To make it such must
have required diligent reading and judi
cious appreciation. We learn that the
volume was practically completed before
Mr.. Beecher wa called away and probably
not a few Of the readers who loved and ad-
mired him will enjoy the compilation the
better from the knowledge that it was put
together before his death rather than after
It. We subioin a liberal selection Of the
most Characteristic ~utterances, now made
public together:
Rejoice In the Lord always" l will
DEFY anybody to do it, if he were such a
God as was taught me when | was q boy
Sermon, Christianity IN Practice.
The man that has lived for himself has
the privilege Of being his Own mOurner.-
Sermon, Generosity and Lberdity.
If You send a villain to Albany or Wash
ingtOn to represent you he dOes a.. resent
you Sermon, AbhOrrsHee Of ErR.
Whether Ireland ever will he quiet de-
ponds upon how many Irishmen emigrate.
They are like whisky-not to be taken
straight, but in mixture. Sermon, The
Year AmOaq The Nations.
rejoice in the provision that is made
for more leisure, more vacation, more
laughter and less crying. These rub out
the wrinkles. They widen the brain.
They make the heart pulsate with better
blood. Relaxation is a good thing.-S1~
mon, Brain Life az America.
IL was like driving a team OF runaway
horses and making love TO q lady at the
same time. -DeScriphOH Of a speech in Ltr-
erpooL, 1868.
The opinion of Solomon is not shared by
men very generally. Conceit is very much
IN repute. People who are conceited, by
no means think that they are fools-they
think that Solomon vas One.-Ssrm0R,
Concert
A woman's nature will never he
changed. Men might spin and churn,
and knit and sew and cook, and rock the
cradle, for u hundred generations and not
be women. And woman will not become
man by external occupation. Gods col
ors do not wash out. Sex IS died IN the
wOOl.-SeTmOR, Thanksgiving.
Tommy Taft met the minister at the
door and put u his great, rough hand to
shake.
"Thankee, Doctor, thankee; very well
done. Couldn't do il better myself. TIN
do goOd-know il! Feel better myself. !
need lust such preachin'-Rouldy old sim
ner-need q ~scOurin' about once a week.
Dredful wicked to hev such doctrine, and
not be no better, amt it DOctOr?"-Nor-
rood.
There are those that are instructed in
the necessity of cross bearing who, that
thew may not be without a cross, make up
little crosses, and are careful that they are
made not only small but of light timber.
Their crosses are the hermit's shell, like
the old pilgrims scallop which was worn
on the shoulder. -SeT1aOA, Bearing, bat not
OrerbOrRs.
An Episcopahan2 Yes, l am. am .
Presbyterian, too; and l I'm q Methodist
and a Baptist and SSwe ienborgian. lam
everything that has any good In it-SeT-
mon, CORtsRtmeRt in Al ThiRgs.
The Bible is like a telescope. If man
looks through his telescope, then he sees
worlds beyond; but if he looks at his tele-
scope, then he does not see anything but
that-SeTuoA The Way Of Coming TO ChriS.
Shoot and eat my birds? 1t is but a step
this side Of cannibalism. The next step
beyond and one would banker after Jenny
Lind or Miss Kellogg.-FrEits, FlOtrers and
FG1RiHg.
The old Greeks said that a man had two
ears and one mouth, that he might hear
twice and speak once, and there is a good
deal OF truth in in it. You will find that
II you will simply hold your peace you viii
pass over nine out Of ten Of the proyoca-
tons Of hfs-SrAOR, Psaeea6Ie Lfriag.
A man cannot understand any mental
process except 50 far as he has had expert
mental participation in it For instance.
u never think Of music. Beethoven never