The Irish standard., 1887-01-29
SMILES AND signs.

= =. E
Ev1RY miser should have chest pro
ector.-Boston Post
THE young lawyer ought to do q fee-nom
nal business Picayune.
onENoE may be golden, but it doesn't
necessarily make millionaire out OF q
mute.-Phizadelphia CaA.
sAND what will be the end?'' asked the
Nevada horse-thief "Sus-pend," sug-
gested the sheriff, and just then he got the
signal and let Ter go.-Bardette.
A NEW YORKER shot at his wife, but the
bullet hit nothing but her store hair. It is
very hard to get at the exact boundaries OF
q woman owadays.-Onsaha World.
. SHE-"I think any man ought to be able
to support q woman" He-"Well, don't
know about that; some women are lnsup.
portable, you acknowledgements Globs.
Mr.. FA1NTHEARr-ssDoyo you think it would
be safe for me to approach your pa on the
subject2" Miss Fairlady-''O, perfectly ;
he has the. gout again. ."-Bwfal0 CONNER.
eiaz.
ssYBs, Mr.. Oldboy," she simpered, II
have seen twenty-seven springs. Would
you think it?' s.Well, yes, ma'am, don't
know but what would, J" Mr.. Oldboy said,
"and guess some of them springs must
have been very backward. .">-Harper's Be-
:ar.
PROFESSOR Ito students)-Pray, go on
smoking, it doesn't annoy me in the least;
on the contrary, like to see others enjoy
it. It is the same with tobacco as with hay
[don't eat any myself, but am delight
ed to watch others enjoying t."-N. Y. Tel
gram.
CUSTOMER -stHow's this9 You charge
me seven cents pound for sugar."
Grocer-sIt's worth that, isn't it2"
Customer-"Yes; but you say on that
placard "sugar way down."
GrOcer-"And so it is, sir. I keep 1t In
the cellar now."-Philadelphia aCaH.
LITTLE Dor-"I like my papa best. Don't
you yours2" Little Dick-"No don't Ny
papa spanks me-" "Mine don't me; nam,
ma does, though" tsMy mamma hardly
ever spanks. Wouldn't it be nice if my
mamma and your papa should get marrieda:
IN. Y. Telegram.
IT is very bad luckto be assigned to room
13 in hotel, and have to climb four flights
of stairs to get to it, and to find, on turn
ing down the cover, that a bed-bug is there
and waiting for you. It may be unnecessa'
ry to remark that the bad luck comes from
the bed-bug.-Detroit Free Press.
TRAMP-(to gentleman in City Hall Park
-"Will you kindly allow me to glance al
your paper for moment, sir2 am anx
ious to see the weather predictions. " Gent
leman (handing him the paper)-"Cer
~. Are you interested in the weather2'
Tramp-"Yes, sir, live principally OF
wind, and I want to find out what Pm x
have for dinner to-day."-LJs.
Mr.. IsAAcs had enticed Mr.. Treustein into
his Chatham street store and was trying to
sell him pair Of trousers, when there was
great shaking of the building and Mr..
Treustein fed shouting: tEarthquakel
Earthquakel" ssCome backl That was no
earthquake. That was nothing but Jacob
upstairs letting down the prices on sum.
mer goods. s.'-American Hebreao.
ssMARY, suppose you sing something ~
30, it's so late, Charlie; I'm afraid it will
wake every one" ssThat's too bad" ex.
claimed Charlie, with every appearance OF
distress. "But why do you want me to
sing, dear9" she tenderly inquired. 'sWhy,
you see," he replied, .'a fellow owe five
dollars to has been waiting outside all the
evening for me, and I thought may be II
you'd sing little he'd go away."-Pitts'
h..~oh n;o,,nf~h