The Irish standard., 1887-04-09

RIPPLEs OF M,RTH.

RJPPleS Or MIX 1s
AsAm man and wife arc one, the husband,
when seated with his wife, must be beside
himself. -Philadelphia Herald.
AS SEEN under the names of restaurant
ers in California, the letters F. r. S. do not
signify F-l:ow Of the Royal Society, but
fried, roasted and stewed.
/ AGED New Yorker (year 195o)-"Why,
boys, kin remember the time when Har-
lem was considered way up town, and"
Boys with one acoord)-'Chestnut!"-M
| Y. Sun
Il WONDER what niue he will play with
this season?" queried baseball umpire,
as he viewed with an appreciative eye the
efforts Of vicious horse to kick the dome
off milk-wagon.
CARE you not afraid that will injure
youa" asked kindly man Of a boy who
was earnestly munching raw turnip.
eyes" mumbled the boy; 'but don't you
waste any tears on me, it's the turnip
that's sufforin'."
AN authority on household remedies for
simple ailments suggests the trial OF cod
liver oil IN tomato catsup to make it palat-
able. No, stree! We wish to be excused.
We will continue to take our catsup
straight, palatable or not.
CARE your folks putting down carpetsi''
asked Mr.. Staylate as he heard racket on
the floor above. "Oh, no;'' replied the
tally; THAT'S only papa putting on his
big boots; but-what's your hurry2' she
exclaimed, as he fed with the rapidity of a
chipmunk
A MAN with prediction for boring
others with his diseased fancies gaily
++ol s.oko 1N<
of s'the boys" and inquired if they could
quench burning thirst. "You betl"
exclaimed ''the boys" as they turned on
the hose and put him out
TALKING about predicaments recalls the
unenviable condition of a boy with whom
we were once acquainted, when, in his at
tempt to appropriate segment of custard
pie with ansnsws .tnrandi, he was surprised
IN the act and tried to secrete the uncon-
scious pie in his bosom.
some twenty five years ago, says Lon
don paper, the royal library at Berlin I'M
aocountably lost valuable folio edition.
During search extending over number
took an earnest part. Subsequently the
folio was found in the DOCTORS chair,
where it had served for years as an ele-
vator.
A CONTRIBUTOR to provincial paper
during the Franco German war was fire.
quently annoyed at the stupidity of sub
editor and put up job on him. One night
when the editor was left to his own re-
sources he received dispatch to the effect
that the Prussians had taken umbrage.
The editor, glad OF any thing, in the form
of news, forthwith posted the intelligence
that "Umbrage has been taken by the
Prussiansr'
The publisher Of half-grown paper that
is clicked off" right on the briny brink
of the Pacific relates that he staked out
some grapevines with green willow
branches to save the cost of redwood
stakes. He demonstrates that he is not as
saving in the matter of the feelings of hui
manity, by declaring that the stakes out
grew the vines, dragged them up by the
roots and dangled them in the salt sea
breezes. Bring on your "beanstalks."
A PARROT that was the property of a
bald headed gentleman was taken to the
kitchen from the gentleman's room during
period of illness. While there the mis-
chievous bird purloined some raisins from
the cook, for which trick she scalded the
feathers from polly's head. Upon its re-
turn to the masters room the first thing it
saw was that gentleman's hairless Uranium:
whereupon it severely exclaimed: "You
bald headed rufflan, so you stole the cooks
plumsv'
AN account of high browed reporters
oyster bath was given in the Chicago Ifib-
une recently. The young man had attended
an oyster supper given by some ladies of
church society. He received right royal
reception, in return for which he cracked
all the moldy, pre-adamite chestnuts that
he had garnered up for years, at the ex-
pense of the entertainment. He was
waited upon by a committee Of able-bodied
women who treated him to the outward
application of a pailful of oyster soup.
A MONKEY in the Philadelphia Geological
Garden got the start of funny young
man who, in comparing with some young
ladies, was visiting the animals. The young
man playfully pricked the monkey with
pin, causing fierce indignation on the part
of that animal While enjoying, in open
mouthed laughter, the antics of others of
the animals the young man received
handful of sawdust squarely in his face.
When he had wiped off his chin and ex-
cavated his optics he beheld the object of
his little Joke chattering away in safe
corner with a look which plainly SAID, we
are ssup sticks"