The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1887-07-21
WIT AND nUMOR.


That when seen on the st,
Young "Choly" was driven Inse. s----
'rswas few hours ago down in Me-.
1nat kissed a dear angel named Je.
4 she whispered refre.,
Twas too low to be ple.,
20 did so age and age.
Love in cottage means simply a life
long course of plates for two and
daily bread for one.-Puck.
At a Vermont hotel: Guest-"Is there
bar connected with the house?"
Waiter-"No, sir; this aiH't the season
for par-Puck.
A poem called Farewell to Nature"
has been written for Longman's AagG-
siae. The author is'probably prepar-
ing to enter society.-Neso Orleans
Picayasne.
There are very few brass bands in
military parade that can play as many
airs as the drum-major puts on.-Shoe
and Leather Reporter.
1t was Desdemona who looked into
Othello's face and repeated the I'M
mortal words, "Let me kiss him for his
smother Whitehau Times.
Husbands who leave property to their
widows under the odious conditions
that they do not marry again might,
as well not die at all.-SGn francisco
Alta.
Wife-ssDear, wish you would in
vite young Prof. Y. some day. / hear
he is so dreadfully absent-minded;
perhaps he will take our Cecilia. =
German Paper
A st. Louis paper complains that
the streets of that city are not watered.
We consider that proof positive that
Jay Gould does not own the town
Ptts6urg Chronicle.
The best way to please man is to
tell him what he thinks of himself.
The best way to please woman Is to
tell her what she thinks of herself
Journal of Education.
s.What can be worse" said an ex-
asperated husband in the middle of the
night, Ethan teething babyp You
are, John when you have the tooth
ache" responded his wife.
Journalists get more free advice than
any other class of people, and it is moi
strange that newspapers have advice
left over which they Can afford to give
away.-NeU Orleans Pcay't'se.
One of New England's inquiring
philosophers wants to know whether.
, Adam smoked or not, Figuratively
speaking, we believe he did, and that
Eve was the cause of PhiiGdel lphsG
Press
Fetherhedde-''T Skattawbwain
Is q dweadful avs. He's such an
avs he makes my head ache every time
/ see him, wondawing how the dayvil
he can be such an avs as he is.-Ioac7s
Topics.
He (at dinner) May assist you to
the cheese, Miss? Miss Vassar Gust
graduated d)-Thanks, no! l am very
comfortable where am. But You may
assist the cheese to me, if you will!
Puck.
Gourmets at table d'hote: "This
banana pudding is exquisit. 1t tastes
Just like strawberries. And this
strawberry short cake is superb. One
would think it was made of bananas!"
French Fam.
Sick husband-Did the doctor say
that am to take all that medicinep
Wife-Yes. dear. Sick husband-Why,
there is enough in that bottle to kill a
mule; Wife (anxiously)-You had
better be careful, John.
s.Arrah, thin, Mrs. Divins, will yez
go to the circus with select party this
day?" Faith, thin, Mrs. Moriarty,
minney thanks, expict little circus
of my own. This is the ould mans day
for gettin' dhrunkF-LJs.
A police magistrate has refused to be-
lieve that a man can live next door to
a saloon and never enter it. Why,
men have been known to live next
door to a church and never enter it
Philadelphia North american.
Prof. Baird says fishes can live to he
$50 years old. We don't doubt this in
the least. They are always the largest
fishes, too. That is the kind that al
ways breaks away from the hook at
the very last moment - Yonkers States
man.
As the act-drop fell Mrs. Galatine
nxed her eyes on it and studied it Curl
ously. 'sYou seem to be enjoying the
drop" remarked her husband. q
am. ''Well, / think I'll enjoy one
myself. And he stole softly out
1fd-Bits
An optimist is woman with a new
spring suit. A pessimist is a woman
without new spring suit. An optim-
ist is a man with baby one day old.
A pessimist is man with baby 1873
nights young, and teething. Somer-
piiLe Journal.
A letter has just been disentombed
in POmpeii, Just where the district
messenger-boy lost it 800. 900 years ago.
The boy is supposed to be still alive,
wandering along in the direction of the
house at which the letter was to be de-
iyered. -Burdette.
Editor-.'This poem of yours is a
pretty good one, but doesn't seem to
contain the elements of success.
Poet-''What would you suggest as an
improvement" Editor-s1 should
advise you to turn your attention to
prose. ."-Harpers Bazaar.
81 have bit of good news for you.
John" said fond young wife. '.fesP'
remarked John, expectantly. Yes.
You remember that two weeks ago
hot-house grapes were quoted at $8 4
poundP Well. bought some today
for s6r-Neso York sam.
20, dearp exclaimed Cousin Jane,
'smy throat is so raw l can't sing any
more. Doesn't singing make your
throat raw, Uncle Charlesp" II think,
was, the guarded reply, "that it has a
tendency to make those raw who hear
me. ."zB0ston Transcript.
Eugene St. Claire-s'O, say, ma, /
guess it's the chambermaid what hooks
ther sugar" Fond mother-ssW What
reason have you for thinking SOP
Eugene St. Clair-''N Nufin, only heard
pa tell her that her lips tasted awful
sweet. Francisco Wasp.
Clara Can it be, Dolly, that you are
to marry Mr.. Smith, after saying to me
80 repeatedly that you could not en-
dure hima Dolly-The truth is. Clara,
dear, that until heard that his aunt
had died, leaving him fortune, I was
deceived in my own feelings toward
him.
A Philadelphia hotel clerk is trying
to purchase the famous Orloff diamond,
which weighs 1913 carats. The value
of it is $4O0, 900, and he doesn't want
to give but $399, 800, but some agree
ment will probably be reached before
the summer season OpenS.-Detr0it