St. Landry democrat., 1887-09-17


running to the palace In fact, their high
nesses often invited him to dinner. This
should not seem strange to people who read
French history for the greatest friend OF
Louis XII was his barber, Olivier lie Daim.,
One morning while Duke Cannon Powder
was brushing his hair he saw 1t come out III
handfuls. In fact, the crown OF his head was
as bald as Baldwin apple.
"My sweet Crick," he wept, ~ am becom-
ing as hairless as a jagged hare
Then Crick put his hands IN his pockets
From his left pocket he drew handker-
chief with which he sopped the archduke,s
eyes. From his right pocket he took small
flask, which he llncorked and poured some
of its contents on his soverelgn's head.
Then he drew up his sleeves to the elbow
and rubbed the pate vigorously.
The next day Cannon Powders head was
thatched like a French farmhouse. On the
label of this bottle was inscribed Elixir OF
the PrimevaI Forests 1t was thus named
because primeval forests have such luxurlant
vegetation.
One dav when the Archduchess Swordcut
was washing her face, she remarked:
"Boohoo, hoon
Crick put his hand in his pocket. From
the left he drew a handkerchief with which
he mOpped the archducal eyes.
"My sweet Crick,' she sobbed, do you
observe that | am getting beard?'
From his right pocket Crick drew small
flask, from which he anointed the duchess
chin. The next day her chin was as beard
less as a freshman's.
The label on this bottle was inscribed
elixir of the Desert" because deserts are
so bald.
Her parents could refuse Bayonette moth
ing, and sent her Crick. He found her weep
ing, so drew handkerchief from his pocket
and mOpped her eyes, saying:
hi r,Nllrh | shall
obliged to petition the treasury for larger
allowance of wipes"
my sweetest Crick," snittied Bayonette,
"My betrothed is as blind as a bat"
"Why is this thus ?" asked Crick.
"Best if | know answered the princess.
Il must find out" remarked Crick. He
went to Perruque.
Sire, why is the dauphin near-sighted?"
because he can see no further than the
end of his nose" answered the King with an
air of great sagacty.
This did not satisfy Crick, and at last the
King gave him the history OF that fatetul
night. 1t was not exactly the Gazette history,
nor was it exactlya literal one. 1t was more
a regal, grandiose and Perruquean description
Of the real truth.
The recollection of that awful night made
water squirt from Perruque's eyes.
Crick sopped them and asked HAS
your majesty a vacancy on your handker-
chief pension list ?'
1T is then written in the book Of destiny
that the dauphin will see no farther than
the end of his nose. If, then, the dauphin's
nose were less short, does it not follow that
his sight would be longer" continued
Crick.
At Crick's request he was introduced into
the dauphin's presence. The dauphin mis-
took him for spittoon, and empted his
pipe into him.
tJehoshaphat" exclaimed Crick, whats
to prevent his taking me for the fireplace
and ramming the poker into meY'
He began to rub the dauphin's nose.
Never before did princely heels dance so
lively quickstep before.
Il see see l see |" he shouted.
The Elixir ran too slowly. The dauphin
caught up the flask and poured the whole
contents upon the feature already quite un-
handsomely long.
The proboscis started of on a journey
without packing its trunk as an elephant
would have done. 1t broke through win
dow, crossed the street. went in at the front
door of the prime minister's palace opposite
and out at the kitchen window and then
raced across the public garden as fast as it
could go. All this time the dauphin was
crying delightedly, II see! see l see!
Down went church steeple. Down went
the city walls. The nose entered wood,
thrust itself through several birds nests and
wiped the yolks of eggs of itself upon hill
side thirty miles away
When the Princess Bayonette cast her
ewes upon her betrothed, BY the molly
poker" she screamed. "rd rather marry ten
blind men than one nose like that
Perruque knew that this meant war be-
tween the Archduke Cannon Powder and
himself. He became pale as sheet, and his
knees knocked each other like castanets.
The dauphin, however, only uttered a cry Of
surprise. ,,., o.,n
old man coming out Of the house at the end
of my nose? On his nose he has two funny
bits of glass. What upon earth are they
for?"
Nobody could tell him, for You see he now
saw further than any man in the Kingdom.
While the dauphin amused himself wheel
ing his nose around the different parts ofthe
compass, Perruque dispatched messenger
to find the old man with the glass nose.
Meantime Crick was beseeching the dau-
phin to allow him to anoint the thirty-mile
nose with Elixir Of the Desert
mo, mop insisted the dauphin; mo man
was ever so far-seeing before. Let my nose
alOnen'
as if she thought her betrothed heard also as
well as saw at the end of that unspeakable
nose.
At the end of seven hours the Kings mes
senger returned with the old man with the
glass nose.
''Sire," said the old man, you wish to
know the use of the instrument with which
l bridge my nose? It astonishes me, for
during your long and glorious reign you
have never given the least proof of curiosity.
On the contrary, you have theoretically re-
pulsed all new inventions without even ex-
aminng them. Only the cof1ee-mill had
\ M Il. r. 81