The Daily times. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1886-1889, 1887-12-28

the OWN and that too mGuy people are com
ing here without getting a permit from you,
/, is a bad practice TO lean on the shoulder Of
"a lady who is not acquainted with you while
YOU sleep OIL your drunk, for she might have
to leave the car suddenly when she gets TO
her station and thus thoughtlessly perhaps
break your neck.
Some of the above Dont's are suggested to
my mind as 60 along)
Don't try to blow the breech pin out of an
old gun unless you have "a very strong breath
and more brains than you require for ordi-
nary business purposes.
Don't try TO wrench loose the tail Of an in
furiated lion because you see It hanging out
of his cage. They are putting the tails on
hons this year more securely than ever, and
he has the right 70 wear it outside his cage
also, if it is more becoming that way.
Dr.. Valentine says: Don't allow a meal
10 pass without a joke between each mouth
fui.n This Will enhance the value of Ameri-
can humor 70 a great degree. Dinner will
move along something like this: Mouthful
Of soup-"Did you ever see a horse fyi Hal
har' MOuthful of bread-"l think that the An
archists ought to A~ustriasized Hei hei" Bite
Of celery--"How did Eve get into the Garden
of Edenf Give it upl Got in by Adams Ex-
press wishl' Great laughter. More bread
and silent mastication-"HOw did she get
outi Give it upi Got snaked Outr' Screams
Of mirth, flakes Of laughter and bread crumbs
pervading the air. Mouthful of roast duck
reminds domestic humorist of something
"Do you know why a duck goes into the
water Large gobs Of silence and more
pensive eating. Domestic humorist answers
it himself as follows: For divers reasons
More bread, ice water and general good feel
ing. why does he come outf' No answer,
and no sound but tiilt Of an old joke under
the table cracking its knuckles and getting
ready 10 spring out and hit its heels together.
For sun dry purposesl' exclaims the ready
and brainy man, looking casually at a mem
orandum on his cuff.
More dinner, and then "Why does he 90 in
againf' Nothing can be heard but the low
rumble Of a thinker, perhaps, as 1t grapples
with the great problem. ITO liquidate his
bilr' Wells Of laughter, screams Of delight
and astonishing feats of digestion promoted
by mirth. And why does he again come
outH' More thought and mastication, then
the gastric Jester says: ITO make a little run
on the bank. and amid a general shower OF
vest buttons and wads of mirth as big as
hickory nuts the genial, all around tonic hui
morist and joy promoter goes on. Pleasant
little dinner parties one Of these days will
telephone for a caterer or marshal of the day
to inquire what will be the price per plate at
his place, including appetizer, dinner, wine,
fruit. dessert, finger bowls, cigars, toothpicks
and Hygiene Humorist.
Brethren of the American press, the hour
Of our emancipation is at hand. The time is
rapidly approaching when Little Tom Tucker
may joke for his supper. Avant pumpkins
on subscription Ayast there muskrat pelts
for pay locals Adieu thou economical party
that seekest to win the Endorsement OF the
press by laying a double yolk egg on our
table with a wild cackle OF delight, for we
see our opportunity looming up in the dis
tance,-New York World.