davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1887-01-24

Kaiser Wilhelm has accepted the god
tathership of the eleventh son OF
butcher at Bremen.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-05-21
he Hit 1t.

"Whats ginerally kept in bottle in de
ba'n?" he asked of a butcher on tho market.
"Oil, liniment, kerosene, poison and other
stuff, including whisky. Did you find bottle
in barn?"
"Yes, sab"
"And drank the contents?'
ayes, sah."
"And how do you feel?"
"Sorter exalted, sah-sorter jist like I was
smart huff to skip all de lipiments au' pizen
an hit de whisky plumb center. ~ Detroit
Free Press
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-05-21
MI. and nIrs. Bowser.

suppose that Mr. Bowser is like the ma
jority of men in putting his best side before
the public. The other morning when he left
the house he knew that baby was sick, had
a headache and the cook was disabled by
cutting her hand on piece of glass. had
told him that we were out of butter and cof-
fee and potatoes, and he said he would stop
and order them Once on the car he forgot
all about It, and at II 30, meeting an old
schoolmate, he insisted:
"Now, you come right up to dinner with
me- l want you to see my house and my
family and have a visit"
"But your wife won't be expecting COM
pany."
ooh, you come right along. My wife and
my house are always ready for any visitors 1
may bring home, and your presence won't
cause us an iota of embarrassment.
At IL o'clock told Jane to pick up any
sort of dinner for Mr.. Bowser, and at II Mr..
Bowser and his friend entered the house.
Leaving him in the parlor, Mr.. Bowser
rushed in on me with:
"Get into your Sunday clothes as soon as
possible-dress the baby up-tell cook to have
three kinds of meat-send for a niger to
wait on the table, and run through the room
and pick up things"
"Mr. Bowser, have you been idiot enough
to bring some one home to dinner!'
"Of course have. What is there wrong
about that, I'd like to know?"
"Well, where are the groceries you were to
Order?"
Groceries? II forgot!"
"Jane can't use but one hand, while
should faint away 1 tried to dress You'll
have to take him to a hotel"
'Never When / invite man to partake
of my hospitality I'll never skulk him off to
a hotell 1t is pretty state of affairs that
my house is all upset in this manner at this
time! Mrs. Bowser. you and I must have a
reckoningI I'll be hanged if 1 put up with
such conduct as this!"
And then he returned 70 the parlor and
heard him say:
"Will, old fellow, I find a note from my
Birdie Chats mel stating that she has taken
the little angel Chats our wall-eyed baby
over to her sisters for the day, and our idiot
of a cook didn't expect me home and has no
dinner ready Well have to go down to the
restaurant"
"That's all right You've got beautiful
home here"
"And the incest little wife and the prettiest
baby in all the world!" exclaimed Mr. Bowser
as he slapped his leg.-Detroit Free Press
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-05-21
He Was Content.

"a country parson," in encountering a
storm the past season in the voyage across the
Atlantic, was reminded of the following: A
clergyman was so unfortunate as to be caught
in a severe gale on the voyage out. The wa
ter was exceedingly rough and the ship per-
sistently buried her nose in the sea. The roll
ing was constant, and at last the good man
got thoroughly frightened. He believed they
were destined for watery grave. He asked
the captain if he could not have prayers. The
captain took him by the arm and led him
down to the forecastIe, where the tars were
singing and swearing. "There," when you
hear them swearing you may know there is
no danger" He went back feeling better
but the storm increased his alarm. DiScon-
solate and -unassisted. he managed to stagger
to the forecastle again. The ancient mari
ners were swearing as bad as ever. MARY"
he said to his sympathetic wife, as he crawled
into his berth after lacking across a wet deck
MARY, thank God, they're swearing yet. -
Harper's Magazine.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-05-21
Geography and Patent medicines.

''They tell me you are out of work.
thought you had a splendid job with that
patent medicine house" $50 did have; but
/ got myself into trouble before 1 had been
there month. 1t was all owing to my ig-
norance of geography. You see didn't know
how to apportion the testimonials, and the con-
sequence was that people got circulars chock-
full of testimonials dated right in their own
vicinity. OF course, it wasn't long before we
received bushels of letters calling US cheats,
swindlers and other pet names. Well, to
make long story short, left. The folks said
they liked me first rate; personally they had
no fault to find with me. But could see how
it was myself. A knowledge OF geography
was the one thing needful in the patent med
icine business Boston Transcript.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-05-21
"The french revolution. >

The first purely historical lecture
which Mrs. F. Williams has delivered in
this city-that on ''The French Revolu-
ton (Which was delivered last even
ing, was full of interest, and showed the
lecturers knowledge of her subject to
embrace a familiarity with the standard
works thereon, but that it was aug
mented not a little by personal inter
course with the French people. Early
in the discourse it was pointed out that
there could be no permanent condition of
mankind in which success did not rest
upon mutual service and mutual trust.
Salient points of the few years preceding
the revolution was then traced, showing
the gradual decline of this mutual trust
between the rulers and the ruled. The
effective work performed by the National
Assembly in the abolition of feudalism
and the establishment of one national
government; the succeeding period in
which the Legislative Assembly, COM
posed for the most part of the same indi-
viduals, who failed utterly in their at
tempt to form a constitution suited to
the requirements of the nation; the
period of the National Convention,
whose business it was to govern
according to that constitution and the
succeeding period which eliminated
in the Reign of Terror, were traced in
such manner as to show the underly
ing causes which contributed to make
the history of those stirring times. From
the fact that Dantou, a republican to the
backbone, and although the hero of the
French Revolution, failed to step into
the breach and seize the executive, the
lecturer drew the conclusion that repub-
Icanism too often tended to weaken
that power in man which makes a
great ruler. With the advent of Napo-
leon the principles of mutual trust were
restored, and that was why Napoleon
was able to end the revolution. The
causes which operated to bring about
that revolution, the lecturer maintained,
were as rife to-day as then-not only in
France, not only in Europe, but even in
the United States, and to some extent
everywhere. 1t was not merely the
feudalism and the absolutism which
characterized the form of government,
but the seething mass of misery and
poverty upon which our parliaments,
churches, armies, schools s. everything
we have and are-are built upon. They
must come forth in some way or other,
and the outburst would be such that
the great Volcano of these Islam DIS
would be as nothing to it.
Such was our civilization to-day.
In one particular the case was different
then. There was less ignorance now. The
highly educated suffering poor, of whom
there were numbers at the present day,
were factor which would make itself
felt. The inference was there would
come a revolution which would put that
of 1898 in the shade.
The next lecture of the course, ''Tur-
genieffss Novels" was announced for
Tuesday evening next.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-05-21
Mistaken in the Person.

"Here, sir; look at this, sir" roared man
coming into the room Of the editor of one OF
our contemporaries, and slanming the last
issue of the paper down on the desk, what
does this mean, sirF'
.@I beg your pardon" said the editor, with
infinite suavity, ito what do you refer"
There, sir, in that obituary notice OF my
respected wife's mother, you have made 1t
to say that she was consigned to her last roast
ing place, sir"
SWelI," replied the editor, with inquiring
innocence, saint that right?"
Fright, sir? Right?" repeated the man,
angrily. mo, sir. 1t should have been last
resting place. sir"
"Oh, ah, excuse me-" said the editor; Il
must have been thinking of myself. Here,
take this club, the foreman will direct you to
the proof reader. Good morning. Wash
ington Critic.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-05-21
The Toboggan Slide.

'sWhat is this toboggan business that we
read so much about in the papers?" he asked
in Grand River avenue store the other day
as he and his wife stood warming their hands
at the stove.
"Why, toboggan is a high platform with
an icy slide running down"
''Yes"
''You get up there with your sled, take a
pretty girl on for partner, and down you go
like CREASED lightning"
''Girls are willing, are theyI"
ooh, yes"
''Lots of 'em around?"
dozens of 'em."
''Any toboggan nigh here?'
''Now, that's enough!" said the wife as she
turned on him. ''If there was twenty tobog-
gans between here and the city hall you'd go
right along and sell them butter and eggs and
then jog home with me without slide!"
Eyes, reckon I'll have to-" remarked the
old man with awful sigh, and then he
changed the SUBJECT to brown sugar and bak-
ing powder.-Detroit Free Press,
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-05-21

Some short time ago picture of XII
lauea from the sulphur banks, painted
by Mr. Tavernier, was placed on exhl-
bition at Mr. Richardson's, Hilo, Ha-
wall. 1t has been purchased by Mr..
Chas. Furneaux, the artist.
The scenery belonging to the Ha-
waiian Opera House will soon be reno
waited by Mr.. Tavernier.
Several of his pictures are on exhibit
ton at King Bros store, and are well
worth a visit
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-05-21
ponce COurE.
BEFORE POLICE JUSTICE DAYTON.
FRIDAY, May goth.

BEFORE POLICE JUSTICE DAYTON.
FRIDAY, May goth.
Kamahana pleaded guilty to being
drunk, and was fined s., with 81 costs.
J. Sylvia was charged with assault and
battery on Kamahana. Remanded to
the 23d.
Lum Yet and All Len were charged
with assault and battery on Lum Kai
Wal. They pleaded not guilty, and were
remanded. w. R. Castle assists the
prosecution; w. A. Whiting for de-
PENDANTS.
All Chang, All Kim and See Yai were
charged with gaming. A witness stated
the three men were playing at dominoes
in a house on Maunakea street for
money. They were found guilty and
sentenced to pay fine of S. each, and
be imprisoned for six hours. Costs, 81
each.
CIVIL CASES.
Lewis & Co. VS.. George Titcomb.
Assumpsit for $40 O8. Judgment for
plaintiff for the amount claimed, with
81 80 costs.
Stephen Spencer VS.. w. L. Holokahiki.
Assumpsit for $199 on promissory note.
Judgment for plaintiff for the amount
claimed, with $40 90 costs.
Hawaiian Manufacturing Company VS..
J. K. Spaulding. Assumpsit for $40.
Settled out of Court costs, 81.
Four other cases were continued to
the 25th.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-05-21

The Forty ninth congress is an XII end-t
one P. S.-This is one of Congressman
Hemphill's style of puns. We purchased a
lot recently, in punches, six punches for a
quarter.-W ashington Critic.
Old Lady to young Clapper, who has gal
lantly assisted her across Broadway)-Im
exceedingly obliged to you, sir. Perhaps you
would like to look in at the matinee this
afternoon. Here is a ticket. 1 go on in the
grand pas de kicque in the second act
Judge.
Miss Jennie Gray works farm OF 16O
acres in Bortanagu county, Dakota, and says
she would stock another one if the fellows
who want to marry and settle down would
quit bothering her.
He-Olga, let us forget our little quarrel Of
yesterday. See here, have bought you a
small bracelet. She-Monsieur, after your
rude behavior yesterday had expected some
thing more substantial.
Servant Girl to Mistress-There is a gentle
man at the door. Mistress-Did he give you
his name? mo, he gave me kiss" "Oh,
that's my brother Tom. Let him in"
A man in Middleton told his wife he
Flowed her better than his own soul" The
man has not been to church in five years, and
his wife does not know how TO take the COM
plinent.
The difference of opinion between young
Perry Belmont and Senator Edmuuds, which
prevented action on the retaliation bill,
seems to be whether the British lions tail
shall be twisted once to the left or twice to
the right.-Boston Advertiser.
It is understood that the private dinners
given to Mr.. Lowell during his stay here have
called for an expenditure of net less than
$4,000. Yet there are carpiDg critics who
say that Chicago is not great literary
center, Chicago NewR
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-05-21
What They Cali a scoop" Out West


Zone Of the best beats ever heard Of"
said an old newspaper man, "was one which
myself was fortunate enough to secure for
paper l was editing and managing at the
time in Gunnison, Colo. The sheriff and his
deputy had gone out in pursuit of some cattle
thieves and had followed them into the In
dian reservation. We were within a COM
paratively short distance of the boundary
line. After few days the report came back
that the two officers had encountered the
thieves and had been killed. The community
was Immediately thrown into a condition of
red hot indignation. A party of $50 was or
ganized at once to lynch the cattle thieves
and avenge the murder of the sheriff. The
details of the organization and the starting
out l printed in full in our paper, and ar
range for bona fide messages from the
party for the first fifteen miles of
their progress. There was a rival paper
in the town, and up to this point
we were running pretty even. For the
next few days we printed purely imaginary
accounts of the expedition. | knew the route
the party was following and was able to
throw in good deal of local coloring. At
the end of the fourth day, as I was going to
my house, which stood about quarter of a
mile from the town, for my supper, my re-
Elections as to where was going to get my
ueAU udN SIOIJ lIOl1 were SuuU6DIy IQUoI-
rupted by the appearance of a solitary horse
man coming along at breakneck pace.
When he came within hundred yards of me
recognized the sheriff. He pulled up on
seeing me- I told him at once that he must
not go home to his wife until had seen her,
as she believed him dead. He saw the force
of my remark. He took his supper with me,
1 went over and broke the joyful news to his
wife, and then 1 induced him to stay at my
house all night I got his whole story, and
printed just much as all my printers could
set up. Did you ever hear of such a scoop?
When the two papers came out the next
morning it was just the luck of the opposi-
ton sheet to make point of the statement
that the rescuing party were in great hopes
of securing the sherif's body. AT 9 o'clock
the sheriff stepped out of my house and
walked through Gunnison. It was the making
of my paper. Now York Mail and Express.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-05-21
Art Notes.

Mr. Jules Tavernier, the artist, has
just completed very fine picture of the
New Lake at 'Kilauea for Mrs. J. G..
Dickson, and also one of Halemaumau
for Mr.. j. M. Monsarrat Both pictures
show the talented artist at his best.
Mr.. Tavernier is now at work on a
picture OF Halemaumau, nine feet by
five feet, which viii be placed on exhi-
bition at the Hawaiian Hotel during the
visit of the Masons to this city.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-05-21
He KNEW Avn About 1t.

Professor Fidele zizzenbart, as every
genius, is somewhat eccentric. The following
is told of him A gentleman asked him one
day:
professor, why don't you publish some Of
your compositions"
'Why don't II Well, sir, in the first place,
if you write something, you can't find pub
Usher; if you do find a publisher he viii not
pay you anything; if the piece is published
nobody will buy it; if somebody buys it he
can't play it, and if he can he don't like it. {"
-Pittsburg Press.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-05-21
NOTICE.

THE REGULAR QUARTERLY MEETING OF
Il the UNION FEED COMPANY tI4imitedl will
be held at the office of G.. w. Macfarlane Co..
on SATURDAY, May 2lst, at o'clock p. m.
WALTER s. BANKS,
Secretary U. +. Co. (Iimited).
Honolulu. Nay 20, 1887. e4s-rnsy p
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-05-21
supreme Court.
BEFORE PRESTON, J.
FRIDAY, May goth

BEFORE PRESTON, j.
FRIDAY, May Goth.
Makalei ct al. VS.. Himeni, in equity.
Defendants motion to vacate interlo-
cutory decree filed May 18th. Over
ruled, and accounts between the parties
referred to the Master. w. o. Smith for
the plaintiffs, j. NJ. Poepoe for the de-
PENDANT.
P. Veasy, assignee of the estate of j.
H. Congdon, bankrupt, VS.. Allen Her
bert. Assumpsit for 1929. Jury waived.
Continued from May 9Th. Submitted
without argument Judgment reserved.
C. w. Ashford for plaintiff, w. R. Castle
for defendant.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-05-21
Y. M. q. A, Lecture.

The lecture by Professor L. L. Van
Slyke, previously announced, but neces-
sarily postponed, will be delivered in the
Y. NJ. G. A. Hall on next Friday even
ing, May 9th. The subject will be
"The Chemistry of Life and Death. :"
The lecture will be illustrated by expert
,onnts and admission will be free.
The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-05-21

run so high as to blind the House to the
consequences that must follow such
precedent as would be laid down were
the principle involved in the reasons
laid down for adjourning the debate by
the leader of the House to prevail.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1887-12-03
The Rural New Yorker

stands easily at the head of the agricultural
journals Of America. It's strikingly origi-
nal features and the care with which it Isl
edited, render it the most Trustworthy ex-
poneat of agricultural thought in the coun-
try. 1t is in no ienss sectional circulating
as it does, wherever the English language
is spoken. 1t is wholly original and pays
more for contributions than any other jour
nal of its class.
The establishment of the EXPERIMENT
GROUNDS (s2 aeres) of the RURAL NEW
YORKER in 1877 marked new era in farm
journalism, and they are now recognized
by its readers, as well as by the press in
general, as having aided the interests of
American Agriculture and Horticulture
more than any other one agency.
Its ILLUSTRATIONS are strong feature,
being drawn from nature by our best ar
lists, Over 500 are presented yearly. New
fruits Of all kinds, grain, live stock orna-
mental trees and shrubs, grasses and now
ers are faithfully shown, while its trench
ant cartoons are aids in the study OF how
best 10 enjey rural life.
The RURAL NEW YORKER has over GOO
contributors, among them the best practi-
cal farm writers in theworld. Its Literary
Domestic Economy, WomAn's Work, News
and Market Departments are certainly I'M
surpassed. II will please every member oi
the family; il is pure in tone, and fearlessly
exposes all fraudulent schemes, devises ol
advertisements. II is a Farm, Garden, Re
lgious, News, Home and Literary lourna
all in one. The best people OF Americ'
will endorse the above claims. Ask them
Send for specimen copies and judge fol
yourselves. The RURAL NEW YORKER n
a 1o-page weekly, printed on hne, natural
colored paper, and the price is s2.00 year
1t was established in 1850. The RURAL
NEW YORKER, "a Park Row, n. Y.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1887-12-03

Silver thimbles at F. II. Hollis, Mauch
Chunk
Read Robert Walp's new advertisement
in to days issue.
"A new lot of fine goll watches at ID. S.
Books, suitable for holiday presents
A handsome advertising clock will be
placed in the post-ofiice shortly 1t is a
great novelty and will no doubt attract
much attention.
Step in and see the handsome stock Of
jewelry at the store of T, II. Hohl, Mauch
Chunk.
AT meeting held this week in New
York city it was decided not to advance the
price Of coal during the month of Decem-
Der. Consumers will hear this fact in
mind
Pretty designs in earrings, lace pins,
and rings at d. S. Bock's iewelry store.
Correspondents will please remember
that their communication will not be
published unless accompanied by the
name of writer, not for publication but az
a guarantee of good fai h.
| FOR an immense variety OF Holiday
Goods, call G, Luckenbach's, Mauch
Chunk.
There will be memorial service held
in the Evangelical! church, in this borough
on Sunday evening, h inst, in honor o.
the late John B. Finch, who was at tho
head of the order of Good Templars of th'
world. The sevices will be under the aus
pices of the Lehighton Lodge of GooC
Templars, and ReY. G. W. Gross will maxi
the address for the occasion.
Furniture of the best makes at price
TO astonish the buyers, at Kemerer
Swartz's. II
Big selection of gold headed canes a
f. II. Hollis, Mauch Chunk.
Fine gold spectacles at Z. II. Hohl's
Maueh Chunk.
5 Gold pens and pencils at e. II. lohl's
Mauch Chunk.
The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1887-12-03
Ths EleOtrio lirht in Lshighton

Through the efforts of a few of enter
prising and progressive citizens, including
Messers. Joseph Obert, Daniel Wieand
and T. d. Clauss, the business places on
Bank street will, in the course of thirty
days, be illuminated by electricity, This
will be valuable acquisition TO Lehighton,
something that long has been needed and
it would not be unwlse if the borough eoun-
ell should take such action as would tend
to have the various streets Illuminated by
the electric light. As matter of cost il
would not greatly exceed the amoun
annually expended on the lights now il
use, so, OF course, that body will easily sec
the practicability, ,as well as the advisibility
of illumination by the strange electric
light