The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1887-04-21
Mr.. AND MRS. sowsER.

Mr.. AND MRS. BoWsER.
Masculine Perverseness Described BY .
Long-sunering, Patient Wife.
ALI husbands find fault with their
meals. know this to be true, because
Mr.. Bowser says so. think it noth-
ing strange when Mr.. Bowser sits down
to his dinner and begins:
..Humph! Same old corned beefr'
Eyes, my dear; it's the same corncd
beef you ordered as you went down
this morning."
''Oh, it is! 1 didn't know but it was
some I ordered year ago! What do
you call these things?"
potatoes, of course"
potatoes, eh? I'll try and remem-
ber that name. And what's thisp'
Cabbage. my love-
'.Oh! / didn't know but it was wood
pulp, my love! Was this bread made
since the war?'
Certainly. 1t is only two days
old.'
"Humph! Buying some poor coffee
again, see! Look at that! That stuff
looks as if it was dipped out of mud
hole!,
'.But you ordered this very coffee
yourself only night before last.'
He growls and eats, and eats and
growls, and I've got used to it. It is
only now and then that he proceeds
to violence. The other day he express
ed his fondness for pumpkin pie, and I
ordered the cook to make two or three.
We had one brought on at supper, and
as soon as Mr.. Bowser saw it he sternly
inquired:
''What do you call that performance
there? When was it born, and where
is it going top
'.Mr. Bowser, you said YOU wanted
some pumpkin pie"
"Yes."
'Well, here it is, and as good one
as you ever ate; made it myself, after
mothers favorite recipe"
'Mrs. Bowser, do you call that a
pumpkin pie"
81 do, SIR"
"Then 1 want to be branded afool!
What do you take me for, any way?
Don't you suppose I was eating pump
kin pies before you were bornP"
why isn't it a pumpkin pie?'
"Why isn't a bootleg bootP Where
is your other crust?'
'.But pumpkin pies never have any
upper crust.'
"Don't they? Mrs. Bowser, you can
deceive the cook, for she is confiding
foreigner, and. you can stuff most any
yarn down our poor little baby, but
don't try to bamboozle me. 1t won't
| work. I'm glad for your sake that my
mo her isn't here to laugh at YOU"
In two days had letter from his
mother, affirming that there was nc
upper crust to pumpkin pie, and ]
brought my own mother over in the
flesh as a further witness, but what did
Mr.. Bowser do but loudly exclaim:
''Bosh! You old women have forgot
ten half you knew! You are thinking
about pudding and milk, you are. o.
course there is no upper crust to pud
ding and milk, and never said there
was"
He cost me good girl last week by
one of his whims. happened to won
der aloud during the evening if she had
put her bread to rise, when he promptly
inquired:
"Mrs. Bowser, do you know why
bread rises?'
because of the yeast"
"But why does the yeast expand the
dough?"
because it does.''
Exactly. You also live because yor
do. and that's all you know about it
You ought to be ashamed of your igno
rance of natural philosophy. I'll SEE
if the girl knows any better"
He went out and inquired:
"Jane, have you put the bread t.
rise?''
'.Yes, SIR"
"Do you expect it to rise?"
''Of course"
"Why don't you expect it to fallP''
"Are you running this kitchen?" sh,
sharply demanded.
VIRTUALLY, yes. My object is to set
how we'll you are posted on natura
philosophy. Why does the Tread ris,
instead of fall?''
because it's fool, and I'm an
other for staying in place where I
man is allowed to hen-huzzy abou
the kitchen! I'll leave in the morn
ing!"
And leave she did, and all the con
ISOLATION I got from MI. Bowser as h
came up to dinner was:
| ':It's a good thing she left. Sh
might have mixed something togethe
which would have caused our deaths
Come, now, hurry up the dinnerr'
Mr.. Bowser has improved some il
the direction of taking care of tn
baby. 1 can now leave them togethe
as long as fifteen minutes without fea
that one will kill the other by tryin,
some experiment. They had beel
alone about seven minutes the othe
day while was upstairs, and when
came down Mr.. Bowser seemed quit
agitated and whispered to me:
"I've suspected it all along"'
"What?''
"That our child is somewhat Of
| mon sfrocifuf Tool OF fhaffs