The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1887-05-18

IL SOIuSh wy SolhtSS.
Light infantry-Torch bearers.
The cash system is q no-bill art.
The corset has come to stay.
1t only takes about two seconds to get up
Il duel.
AS Il rule, the best hats do not cover the
best brains.
Provcrb for the ycar-Faint heart never
helped fair lady.
A young lady who visited Niagara com
planned of a in her eye.
Burglarious ditty-Oft In the stcaly
night.
Lawn tennis is a popular game, but 1t is
played out, all the same,
The diver is n man who always docs
business ut bottom prices.
There arc few things In this world more
rasping than Il file of unpaid bills.
A duel is the quickest kind of an cncoun.
ter, because it only takes two seconds.
A ca-totallcr-Thc tea merchants &C.
Countant.
A Kentucky duck has three feet, ali
fully developed. A Chicago duck has two
feet, awfully developed.
Man has two wills. One hcis born with,
and the other he makes to take effect when
he dies.
When a young woman attends her first
ball She thinks she has found woman's
sphere.
a man may successfully paint the town
red, but when aftcrward he has a brush
with Il policeman he loses color.
is your husband an Odd Fellow
'Wcll, | should imagine he is; never saw
such Il strange man in my life"
I, !, ,,,+,l ,l., ,,, -- 49,. ~ - a.,
costs yearly but half a million less than the
German army Of 1900.
What a beautiful thing, my dear, IS n
rosy check Yes, husband; but how great
the contrast when the blush settles on the
nose.
Care will kill n cat. The care must be
exercised in taking aim. 1t is extremely
difficult, however, to hit one in the dark
with Il bottle.
Bank managers should make good re-
portcrs; they arc always taking notes. And
then, again, they always take an interest in
the business.
a contemporary remarks that a wise man
will never mock his mothcr.in-law more
than once. Shouldn't think a wise man
would do it once.
y four,ycar.old child, visiting, saw bel.
lows used To blow an open fire, and in
formed her mother that they shovel wind
into the fire at Aunt Augustus"
Holland has 10000 windmills. During
a Presidential campaign America can sec
Holland and 90 her about 80, 600 windmills
better.
The invention Of the drum is ascribcd by
the Greeks TO the god Bacchus Whence.
undoubtedly, arose tho expression, Tight
as n drum
1t is really very odd, my dear" said an
old lady, one very cold day to Il friend, Il
can bear the heat in summer and in win.
ter | love it,"
"a young wifc's greatest trial" is probably
TO find out whether it would he proper to
starch her husbands shirt all over or, only
the bosom and cuffs.
Mamma" said a little IN own boy, as
he lett his bed and Crawlcd into hers. the
other night, " ! can sleep in your bed, /
know | can; but I've slept my bed all up"
When n man and his wife engaged in a
debate, Tic other night, and the dog got mp
and scratched TO be let Ouv of the room.
they concluded y vas time to stop the dis.
cussion.
A cat has been discovered in France with
an eye like that Of the Cyclops. 1t seems
to us that if any change is to be made in
cats it should DC made in their voices and
not their eyes.
1t Il recent ball n new figure was intro.
uuccd, which caused quite Il sensation. 1t
was The figure of an iratc parent who took
his son by the ear and waltZcd him out of
the ballroom in a quickstcp movement.
We think if Shakespeare had lived In
Vermont he would never have written,
What a fall was there, my countrymen?'
lie would have put it, What u winter was
there, my cOuntrymcn!'
"Ta, la; I'll see you later, said Amy,
taking leave of tL. high.school girl, the
other evening. You mean" replied the
latter, you will ocularly observe me ut q
subsequent period, do you not?'
Horse .radish yields from two to four tons
per acre and sells from five to ten cents n
pound. The worst drawback TO It's culture
is the difficulty of cradicating 1t when 1t
get, a firm hold on the land.
IF it be true that the hairs of ones head /
are all numbered" said the man after he |
had escaped from his wilc's clutches. |
there will be one angel, at least, who will
show mp with a big deficit"
a prima donna sang clone, Sweet
Home, TO the conVicts in n Western prison.
and 1t 50 worked upon their feelings that
seven of them escaped and struck out for
the parental roof.lrcc the same night.
a ncar-sightcd MAJ in a street car, sec. |
ing a woman holding Il pug.dog on her lap, |
asked If she had left her other children Mt |
home. And She got mad and called him a
brute.
do you think eating angel cake will
make an angel of me-" asked a scraphic
young lady of the worldly young man
I've no doubt it will" he answered, az
you only eat enough Of It," Then she zig.
glcd, and said ''why?"
Three handsome young lady dentists
have opened an office in Chicago, and are
rushed with work. And they do say that
when one of those fairs gets her arm around
Il fellows head and hugs him M tight and
to yank at a tooth 1t doesn't hurt a
bit.
People forget that while the supply of
timber is limited, the demand increases and
accclcratcs the day of scarcity. At no very