Arizona weekly enterprise., 1887-08-27
AMUSING METAPHORS.
A Collection of Ridiculous. Witty and
 Humorous Remarks.

A Collection of Ridiculous. Witty and
 Humorous Remarks.
 Ridicule, says German critic, is like blow with the fist; wit, like the prick of a needle; irony, like the sting of q thorn; and humor the plaster which heals all these wounds. All of these qualities may be found in some meta- phors.
 Man is said to be an animal that has . mania for getting up societies and making himself president. If the'pres- ideacy has been already claimed, he contents himself with the position of treasurer. In cynical old bachelors opinion, ideas are like beards-men only get them when they grow up. and women never have any. It was prob ably another old bachelor who said: ''Natuee shudders when she sees a woman throw a stone; but when a woman attempts to split wood nature covers her head and retires to dark and moldering cave in temporary de- spair." A spinster says old bachelors are frozen-out old gardeners in the dower-bed of love.
 A farmer said: "One thing I don't like about city folks-they be either so stuck up that yer can't reach lem with a haystack pole, or so blamed friendly that they forget to pay their board.''
 A rural poet said of his lady-love: ''She is graceful as water-lily. while her breath is like an armful of clover" :" An American poet wtote eulogy of Washington. whose glorious life should compose volume as Alps immortal, spotless as its snows. The stars should be it's types. it's press the age. the earth it's binding, and the sky its page. Truly, some American poets go in for marvels of metaphor.
 You look" said an Irishman to a pale, haggard smoker, ''as if you had got out of your grave to light your cigar, and couldn't find your way back again."
 A schoolmaster describing money lender says: "He serves you in the present tense, he lends you in the con- ditional mood. keeps you in the sub junctive, and ruins you in the future. :" A close observer of human nature re- marks: "Time marches on with the slow, measured tread of the man work ing by the day." A French author is charged with the prediction that France will throw herself into the arms of the liberating sword. This is not quite So bad as rhe politicians speech: We will burn our ships, and. with every sail unfurled. steer boldly out into the ocean of freedomr'
 A clergyman on board ship began a sermon in the following manner ''Dear friends, I shall embark my ex. hortation on the barge of my lips, in order to cyoss the stormy ocean of your attention, and in hope of arriving safely at the port of your ears"
 A young American lawyer employed to defend culprit charged with steal. ing pig, resolved to convince the court that he was born to shine. Accord .ng | ly he proceeded to deliver the follow ing brilliant exordium: May it please the court and gentlemen of the jury while Europe is bathed in blood; while classic Greece is struggling for hel rights and liberties. and trampling tht unhallowed altars of the bearded inf dels to dust; while America shine, forth the brightest orb in the politica sky-I, with due diffidence, rise to de fend the cause of this humble hog thief. Christidp Union.