Morning journal and courier., 1887-05-16
GIGANTIC.

The great Alaskan glacier moves only mile year. Sort of gigantic messenger boy. Puck.
 A Chicago man paid $1 ,OO0 for a Bible at a recent book sale. He probably supposed he had got hold of rare work.
 cross old bachelor suggests that births should be announced under the head of new usic.-Buffalo Commercial Advertiser.
 ''What kind of pudding is this, waitera" ''Tapioca. sir" "Is it? l thought it was mediocre Merely case of heterophemy, you see. ."-Boston Transcript.
 Good mornin', Mrs. Ryan. An how is your brother-in-law, MT. McCafferty to-daya" ''Very bad, indade, Miss Corcoran-very bad, indade Sorra a bite doee he ate except what he drinks. ."-Harper's Bazar.
 An agricultural exchange asks 'thow to make hogs pay" This is a hard question to answer. The best way to avoid the difficulty is not to sell a hog anything unless he pays for it in adyance.-T1aveller's Record.
 Florida landlord (to chef)-"Has that hind quarter of alligator come yet?" Chef-"No." Landlord-"Well, blank that butcher; he was to have it here sure. You'll have to scratch stewed terrapin off the bill of fare"
 Wife-ssI'll run into this store minute" Husband --"What do you want to get!" Wife-"Oh, only half yard of white rib bon." Husband (who knows the sex)- 'very well; will call back in about two hours"
 Sick Husband-ssDid the doctor say that am to take all that medicinea" Wife "Yes, dear" Sick Husband-"Why, there is enough in that bottle to kill mule" Wife (anxiously)-"Yeu had better be care ful, John. ."-Boston Herald.
 Little Fanny looked intently at her moth CT for some time. Then she said: ttMother, you ain't girl, are youa' ''No, Fanny" EEy T1-L. were girl once, weren't yous" "Yes, Fan n.y." "Well, where is that girl now?"-Texas siftings.
 First Brave Bank Burglar-"What's be- come of Billa'' Second Brave Bank Burglar -'He's one of these 'ere politicians" ''Does he get his swag that ways" "Yes, puts up jobs on taxpayers and sich things" "Well, he alters was a kind of sneakin' cuss."- Omaha World.
 'tDo you think,'' she asked dreamily, as he sat beside her at the circus, ssthat this is the same elephant I saw when I was childa" 'No,'' he answered, with scornful candor, Eyou know elephants only live to be two hundred years old.'' It won't be this year.-Detroit Free Press.
 Close dent-Little Dot-"What does MT. Nicefellow go to your house so often fora" they engagedan stNo." t.Did he say he wanted to marry hera" 'tNo." ''Then how do you know he doesa" 'Oh, he acts so like a fool. ."-Omaha World.
 An appropriate selection-'I see that old Dr. Fettlox has been appointed visiting phy- sician to the Old Soldiers Home. How on earth did they come to choose hima" ''Why, don't you know he's the most renowned vet eran-ary surgeon in the countrya' "Indeed. You surprise me. I thought he was horse doctor. Life.
 Omaha lady-'EVan Dusen is the name of the gentleman your daughter is to marry, I understand, Mrs; vanderhoffner;1 Mrs; it is such relief to know that she had made a suitable match. MT. Van Dusen, like the Vanderhofners, comes of the genu- inc old Knickerbocker stock, and I should be distressed to have child marry outside of it." Omaha lady-"I well know that the original Dutch settlers of Manhattan Island derhoffner-"Yes, indeed wish you could see MT. Van Dusen. Everything about him is so delightfully."- English. "-omaha World.