The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1887-04-08
IVAN AS AFARNEM
Speech That He Might Have Delivered Before a
Farmers Club.

tApctlcuCcu uptiCuioutioo. \iLheibhOOi'I
| love the farm. Adam loved the
farm. (Laughter.) Noah loved his
vineyards. Horace loved the farm,
as is shown by that great book,
What I Know About Farming"
(Laughter,) Washington, Webster
and Beecher were allured by the at
fractions OF agriculture. Some one
said to Beecher, "Keep your COWS out
OF my shrubbery." "Keep your shrub
berry out OF my cows replied Beech
er; lit spoils the milk" daughter
Hogs are hard animals to drive oyer q
bridge. (Laughter.) | once saw a
man carried several miles on the
back OF n hog that turned back
in opposition to the solicitations OF
the driver on approaching a bridIe.
daughter will tell you OF u snte
way to get hogs over a bridge kill
them and draw them over IN a wagon.
daughter Hogs are fond OF spring
lambs and spring chickens. Hogs will
eat their own offspring if no lambs or
chickens are offered in the market.
Laughter When q boy was solicited
to escort pig to u neighbor's farm.
A strong rope tied to the pigs leg was
placed in my hand. | did not know
before the speed and strength oil pig.
Iiaughter.) But they do not run the
way you want them to run. Renewed
Iaughter.) A pig can draw q canal,
boat with the tow-line tied to his hind
leg, but would not insure the canal
boat. Hogs are cleanly, orderly, ST.
lent and not bent on mischief laugh
ter)-when cut up and salted and in a
tight barrel, with a heavy weight on
the lid. prolonged laughter.) This is
all know about hogs.
love cows. (Laughter,) What so
meek and low.ly-( laughter-as o
mooley COW? City people are foolish
to be frightened ut cows. | was never
hurt by COW but once. He shook
his head at me from behind strong
gate. felt the security OF my posi-
ton and SHE'D pumpkin at him. He
came through the gate as though it
we're a spiders web, and then | was
sorry did it. daughter. This kind
OF a COW should not be fooled with
unless YOU are tired of monotony.
Laughter. The poet loves to dwell
upon milkmaids, milking time and
lovers sparkling over the farm-yard
gate, but no such poet could ever
have MIXED COW in fly time.
Laughter. cannot imagine sue
cessful love suit at such a season. l
MIXED the COWS one night when the
boys were off on fourth OF July
(Laughter) That is | MIXED one
and one-half COWS. (Laughter.) The
last one was SO busy knocking
off flies With her hind foot
thought / had better not disturb her
longer. A pail OF fresh milk kicked over
a boy does not improve his clothes or
temper. Some say | MIXED from the
wrong side Great laughter.) l
thought would be sure and be right,
so MIXED half on one side and half
on the other (Renewed laughter
was on the other side when she knock
ed off most flies. Can any one tell me
why O. COW should be permitted to
dictate which side man shall milk
from? claim the right OF my choice
at least half OF the time.
Sheep are my special delight. How
gracefully the lambs gambol over the
green. Nothing so patient and mod
est as O. sheep. (Laughter.) Some
say scamp is the black sheep OF the
flock, but black sheep is just as re-
spectacle as any, and the color line
should not thus be drawn. laugh
teri once fished on the bluff and
casually discovered a sheep with
large crooked horns coming at
me with head down md fire in
her eyes. The fish were not biting
well, so / left my sport and lodged be-
hind stump. The sheep fell on the
rocks below and broke her neck. For
this act have since been accused OF
non-protection in the wool traffic.
This reminds me OF q Commissioner OF
Agriculture in old times who pur.
chased six hydraulic rams for the i'm.
provement OF American fiocks. PRO
ionged laughter.) Feather beds are
made from geese, but all wooden
goods and drums are made from sheep
shins. (Applause.)
take great pride in the horse. "He
is the noblest Roman OF them all"
(Laughter.) Ionce led Stephen horse
to water. How proudly he arched his
neck and tail. He was so fond OF me
he tried to embrace me with his front
feet. But / was so shy he turned
about and playfully knocked my hat
of with his heels. Laughter.) i told
Stephens / thought horses looked
much better walking on four feet than
on two feet. Ahorse presses hard when
your toe is caught under his hoof
ANAL not from theory. but from act.