The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-07-07
Glashes of fun.

Brakemen: But don't you think that
$3.50 a day is rather small pay for
eighteen hours work on the top of a
freight car? Superintendent: But you
forget that we charge nothing for travel
lug. Let's see; you ride something like
200 miles daily, and it doesn't cost you a
cent.
She was admiring a big Newfoundland
at the dog show, and throwing her arms
around his neck, said: "You dear old
fellow, I love you'll" A youth who heard
her remarked: "How I wish / was a
dog" The answer came from the same
some sweet lips: HNevefa imsnd, dear;
you'll grow !.
Said a sharp attorney to a rambling
witness: CHOW you must give explicit
and direct answer. You said you drove
milk wagon, did you not?" ono, sir,
7 didn't ADon't you drive, a milk
w~agon?" "No, sir" "Ahals What do
you do, sir?" At drive a boss, sir,"-
Chicago Tribune,
"tNow, you young scamp" said Blinks,
ST., as he led his youngest out into the
woodshed and prepared to give him a
dressing-drown, "In teach you WHAT'S
what" No, pa" replied the incorrigi-
bic; "you'n teach me what is switch"
And then the old mans hand fell power
less to his side Weekly Evangelist.
A gentleman passing along Franklin
street yesterday saw two children, appar-
emily five and six years old, playing in
the gutter. The elder wore pantaloons,
while the younger still chung to infantile
dresses. Stopping, he addressed the boy
with pantaloons: "Are you both boys? 2"
NO. was the answer. "I'm one, and
Johnny's going to be n next week.
Bnfalo Courier.
"Dear mel" exclaimed a city girl who
visited a dairy for the first time, "what
queer looking stuff this is! 1t looks just
like yellow paint. What is it?" "Why,
that's cream on top Of the milk, Sis" said
the dairyman. els that SOP" she asked
in establishment. "Why, the cream I
use always comes in boxes and has a
label, so we can tell what it is" The
farmer sat right down on the stone floor
and famed himself with a milk pan.
Mrs. D.: "Isn't this awful?" Mr.. D.:
"What, dear?" Mrs. D.: "The paper
says that in Brooklyn Mr.. Benjamin R.
Hubbell tried to kill his brother-in-law,
David Kemlo, by shooting a pistol at him.
I can't see why families should" Mr..
D.: "Did he succeed2" Mrs. d.: "No,
Kemlo's life was saved by a button, which
turned the bullet" Mr.. D.: Ellis wife
evidently keeps his buttons sewed on. If
any one should shoot at mel should be a
dead duck"
Senator Manson's little boy accompa-
MED his father n day to a barber shop,
where the Senator had his boots BACKED
by a colored man. The next morning the
Senator heard this much Of a conversation
being carried on in the trundle-bed by
the young man and his little sister: can
did you know Eat niger mems had black
bref? "No. Does emf" asked the lit
tie girl. ayes; I saw it yesterday. A
niger man des blowed his breff on papa's
boots an made 'em all black."-C Chicago
News.
Dame: I hear the ladies of the jap
anese Court have adopted the English
full dress for great occasions"
Returned Traveller: They have, but it
was under protest, at the command, OF
CilC GllpIcSS. 1NCIO "CiC AioAy Cal
and protestations.
Dame: What heathens! I suppose,
though, they see the folly of having OBJ
jected to it by this time"
Returned Traveller: eyes, that's true.
You see, it never occurred to them that
they could hold their big fans in front of
them. "
"Two new railroads coming here, I
understand" said aDakota man to another
resident to the same place.
ayes, and there came mighty near be-
ing three"
SLOWS that?"
why, five of us organized a new coms
pany yesterday with the intention of run
ming tracks out of this town like spokes
out of the hub of a bicycle wheel, but we
tried all day and couldn't raise the So
necessary to get incorporated. We hope
to make it up this afternoon. Look out
for three. columns in tomorrow mornings
paper."-Dakom Bel.
The report Of the State, Board of