The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1887-09-28
BURDETTE'S HUMOR.
The Quibs and Fanciss Of 0ns Of the Leading
Humorists Of the Day.
Give Us More Thunder-CredulityI nsulted
-Perils of the BallOt-Unchained Ambi-
tion-Human Depravity, Etc.

llOn-huunan A4tCs
Written for the Sentinel, Copyright 1887.
TESTIMONY OF THE NURSE.
us there anything more dreadful than
dyspepsia, DOCTOR" asked Mr.. Branbread.
There is" interrupted Mrs. Branbread.
"What is it. then ?" inquired the doctor.
''The man who has it," said Mrs. B.
GIVE Us MORE THUNDER.
The waterspout Hotel at Bethel, Me-,
was struck by lightning and entirely de-
stroyed a few weeks age. Even the i'm.
mortal gods can't stand some of our ter
restrial names. Now, if they would only
send few cyclones and earthquakes to
sweep off the face of the United States
few thousand JoDesvDles and SmithVilles,
hundreds of outspoken atheists would be-
Iieve in an all-wise and overriding Provi-
dence, and probably join the church. A
great many of our names which do not In
dicate enough special and outbreaking
wickedness to call down the wrath of the
skies upon them, do indicate an infinite
amount of finite foolishness. And still
we don't want all the fools killed off.
| Think what q lonesome place this world
CREDuLITY INsULTBD.
What is the sense in writing things that
people cannot believe? Now Marryatt wrote
1.-THE Pacha of Many Tales" when every
body knows that a pacha has none; and
Three Lions, which everybody knows is
thing impossible outside dime museum,
and then even there it would probably be
doctored. A lion with three tails there
might be, but three with one-neverl
LoNG-FKLT WANT.
what we want" says the editor OF our
| esteemed contemporary, lis less buncombe
and more BRAINS" We thought that was
what he wanted. 1t is-or should we say,
it are-little straws like this that indicate
| the approach of another Presidential can
vass.
PERILs OF THE BALLOT.
Hundreds Of young men will vote for
the first time next November. TIE news
| papers of all parties are printing long
articles beginning with this statement
They are correct; that's all right; you can
| vote the first time, young man, without
any trouble. Bat you keep your eye
| peeled when you try it the second time, or
they will run You in, sure.
AND STOP AT sEvEETEENTHLY.
"People don't come out to hear me"
| complained the parson "I wish I knew
how 10 fill the pews." Preach pewer
&c spaI," suggested the deacon, and the
parson xccmmU nicated him on the spot.
ERRONEOUS DEDUCTION.
"Ah, yes Willie" said Uncle Ben, ten
| derby, you have indeed a pretty home,
and love to see your rabbits, and your
white kitten, and your playthlngs, and
your pony; but there Is something about
your home that l love to see better than all
these things; something that makes me
| come here; something that would make
the house very lonely if it were gone; do
| you know"
"Oh. yes" shouted Willie, 81 know; the
hired girl"
| ON DRESS PARADE.
"How do you like your new teacher,
| HeDry?" asked mamma. Henry, who was
good boy three years ago: Jaw, she's a
grand stand player, she is. She let's us do
like we please on'y when a director is
visitin' de school, and then she's on de
coach lines all de time. What's went wild
| my grammar, sa-ay"
UNCLAIMED AMBITION.
"Love you!" exclaimed the naughty
girl-"love you? Once did; loved you
as never woman loved the man she idoliz-
ed before. Once loved the ground upon
which you walked. Once | could have
died for you-nearly. Once L would glad
ly have been your slave; now l could
] oP04A yOu az you hOCCl buCkC DClOIC L1cs
"0b, pity mel Love me again What
have 1 done?' "You," she cried. her
proud soul mounting to her eyes-"you?
Nothing. But I-ha, ma, ha-aa-I have
got me typewriter"
TELL THE TRUTH.
"Why do you always put Yours truly
at the bottom of a letter." asked George
Washington, looking into the dictionary
to see il you spelled 'repecked6llyn with
one / or two, for George was the dandy
twirler with his spelling. Because" said
the noble Bushrod, "thats usually the on
~ true part OF the letter. Always sign
| your own name to your letters" And
George nodded his head intelligently as he
backed" his letter to Lord Farefacks.
| WANTED, A NEW DIVIDE.
When good young man who has been
saving his salary for two weeks to get
enough money together to hire livery
horse and buggy long enough to take his
best girl far enough out in the autumnal
bills to gather bale of poison oak and
| three-hDger ivy, reads that the Texas Live
Stock Association owns 375, 900 horses, he
thinks there is something radically
wrong in the organization of society,
and Joins the communists.
THETRoDDEN WORM.
''What is your favorite hower?h asked
the landlords daughter. Iris niger" sad
ly yet resolutely replied Reginald Threads,
who. was her fathers honored guest, at
regular rates. 81 do not comprehend" she
said, with slightly lifted brows. What is
its significance in the language of flowers?
mo quarter" he said, bitterly, ard then
she knew that the head waiter had gone
through him; but ii wasn't until after be
had been gone two days that she learned
from Professor YARDS there was no such
flower as the Black Flag.
4 MAMNoN SERVING TWO MASTERS.
Money" remarked the President, as he
deposited q roll, the fruits of judicious
ombinstion-"money is power in the
concrete" "And also in the abstract" ad-
ded the treasurer. few hours later, as be
conveyed the same roll to where the OF
tawa hears no sound save its own O's and
AS.
1T HAS ROOM TO ROLL.
The area of the United States is 1910, 00C
square miles. Ho! No wonder fellow
has such an all-howling time finding his
collar-button when it rolls out of sight.
THE FITNESS OF THINGS