The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1887-07-02

! he central inquire OF a Ourth oil july
celebration IS the marshal of the day. lie
Is usually a small man, who would have
been larger if his gall" had been frost
bitten early in life. He wears a big red
sash and a nose to match, and rides a dun
horse whose tail has been chewed eff by a
barb-wlre fence. His office consists IN
riding here and there and making himself
ridiculous. lie rarely ever fails to fill the
office to ms own satisfaction.
Another feature of a Fourth of July cell
ebraton Is the music. This Is composed of
a brass band, consisting of six or eight
pieces ana glee club, consisting Of eight
cen or twenty pieces. The leader of the
band generally blows beer through the T.
fiat, while the trombone player punches
tat woman from the country IN the side and
causes her to spill basket of eggs into the
tuba, compelling the latter to blow egg
nOgg and Yankee Doodle out of his horn
at the same time. The glee club Is com
posed of the remnants of three church
chOlrs and most of them wear court plas-
ter on their faces and battle their voices in
mucilage in order to make them stick to-
gethar. After the audience has heard the
glee club sing they begin to wonder if our
tOrefatLers fought eight years in order that
their pOsterity should be compelled to lis
ten to such dIscOrdant racket. When
Patrick Henry SAID, q" Give me liberty or
give me death, he should have added:
But for heavens sake, give me as little
glee club music as possible
Another noticeable feature of the Fourth
of July celebration Is the Young man from
the country and his Jemima Ann. Ee Is
usually dressed in a ia ed coat Of a home
made, uaudescript pattern, too short in the
sleeves and too long in the tail, with a pair
of lFaf
short in the legs that they appear to he
trying TO shake hands with his elbows. His
necktie appears to have been utilized for a
surcingle, and his collar climbs up to see
what makes his ears so red. His boots are
a few sizes smaller than canal boat. and
are neatly fabricated with stoye-pOIish His
hands are nearly as lar e and as brown as
couple of hams, and he is undecided
whether to att mpt to put them In his
pockets or let them hang down and take
their chances of getting lost. Jemima Ann
Is as TUddy as a beet. and has a face as
pretty. as broad and as sparkling as a huge
suntower. She wears yellow calico dress,
and big baudaua handkerchief around
her neck. She weighs two hundred and
twenty pounds, aud l. so $ -ort-viaded that
~he nearly chokes herself IN her efforts to
cat hall "A section of ginger bread. If any
uulUckv wight should happen to rub
shoulders with her IN a crowd. she will give
him su b punch with her elbow that he
has 10 he carried home on a shutter. When
she walks along with John she takes him
by he hams l mean the hands as biz as
hams-aud they sauuter along Obvious
Of the many smiles at their awkward APP
pearnce IN spite of their ignorance and
uuc0utAuess, ho@Eever. they posses purer
and more patriotic hearts than all the dudes
that utter at them.
The Declaration of Independence comes
next on the programme, and 1t IS read
either bv Young man with a bass wood
voice. suo runs his left hand through his
hair il imitation of a farmer raklng hay.
and growls tie Declaration throu1h his
ClancLsl teeth, or an old maid with eve
glasses shriebs the immortal document 50
slrIlly that she cracks the paint on her
cheeks. The audience gIre sigh of re-
lief when she has finished. only to listen to
still greater atrocities perp-trated by the
brass band and the glee clgh It Is simply
the supreme patriotism of the people that
prevents them from blowing up the Emusic
with dynamite.
I The orator OF the d9y- Is one-Lorse
lawyer from a ueighboruZ city. and Is la
beIed on the bills Hon. N0utLey BIowoff.