Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-08-28

partment--Generl Deliver - =
css''e. !, =. -, v1ith
Broker Ives o1'c.< - - - failefl
notnlag not ~ - 16ancial suc-
Tor s -y,v<1s''
CESS - - 49, 81 :
=. , .,'...' ~ a AZ benesa she viii kesp
- - 4, he.t ~ Tb;-tle - p;f5s.
- m -, - T.1s,...',,,I =
49, - ~ - . w. !. -.
me people OF TINS country spend ~
!. = g - ~. '' Ts. - 60 s,.,,,,
- $3.50 = :. y" ~. D.,;s.....:a go 49,
a',O 's o''V''''"'
A Sonnectent woman mas invented 2
pustie wnicn sne says mas never pecn worn
S selo Ism .nas es s,n " n'os'
oss..'' q, y ''s''''y'V" $3.50,
When young man sits ID the parior
talking nonsense to bis best girl-thats
capital. But when be has TO stay ~ Of
evenings after they're married that's LABOR.
--thdge.
The Prohibitionists promise business
prosperity on the ground that when things
are arranged to their liking there viii never
De q drop IN the market-Hep Hare''
Neacs.
The tiny little wren hives years, the
thrush ~, the lark Is, the common men Oh
commerce 10, the boarding house brand
20, the crow 100, and the English sparrow
Is immortaL = BWrdette.
''I say, Jenkins, eau you tell young,
tender chicken from an old, tough oneY'
Of course can. Well, how" by
the teeth Chickens have no teeth"
mo, but i have. Puck.
First Citizen-I tell You country can't
be governed on abstract principles. Sec
ond Citizen-That depends, should say,
on how iail treasury there Is 10 apssract
from.-Nea0 Hanea AeHs.
Nervous old lady, on the fifth floor of q
hotel---Do You know what precautions the
proprietor of this hotel has token against
flre9 Porter-Mum he has the house IN
shoored for twice wot us wortn.--E<-
change.
Eleven D. M: ''Gerty, 1 win do any
thing in the world 10 make you happy"
'sDo you mean it, Georgep' 81 do, I do,
darling" Then for heavens sake 20
home and let me 60 to bed. "-Neio Orleans
PieayaEe.
St Louis has not hung Maxwell, and
CHICAGO has thus far failed 10 suspend the
anarchists. There are too many unhung
hangs in this country; the unkissed kisses
don't make 50 much differenee.-M'nse-
apOhs Tribune l5
sswhat / dislike about the large hotels, |"
said Miss Culture, istheir gregariousness. ~
''weI," responded the Chicago maiden,
rather bewildered, "those fancy puddlngs
never did agree WITH me eitner.-hote'
Gdzetts. 3ta
A little Boston girl. writing home from
salem to her mother, said: I'VE have
had a terrible thunder Storm Then re-
membering thst her mother was afraid Of
thunder, She added: sBut il did not
thunder much. "-Bosten Irareter-, =
A weatern man wears for scarf pin q
small thermometer with Dkl5- pointing to
40 degrees and the legend, This is hot
enough for me-" The effect has been to
produce q GOODNESS between him and some
of his friends. Springfield Union.
ssrhst IA ratbar n shahbv nair of Transfers
vor hare ON for a man in your position. y
.sYes. sir: but clothes do not make the man.
What II NV trousaYs are shabby and worn?
They cover a warm heart. sir. D--iS. Louis
S,lnday Critic. !.
ssuh..; = a. ,o.,sr ,, astsa !. lawvar of
- = se ss.rS. s.sas' a.. r,,,,n;na
Ms .s s;r Dom, .on mil them nn9,5
ssr,1 af-,;d not - ss;rhsn 3 said the law
49, ;,5;o;.l aaIan ts-nn ther into
yn,,o a. 80, ,, CIs,.,s,.,s Lo,,,.aaI
So 49,.
some enc askea pno'oSiaPuei 'le osnol
DAY now ne was doing. ne, any Zoo
wen, was tne rep'yi you see Tue 1ouoie
Is no" tnae We oecomo VEL A s,, =,
people say 20 toe,n a in's ieaow
must pc oVsrrun VIVA "o'A' auu ~ so'ne'
"nefo eAss. 7-'"aye'
Omaha Dame treading)-The King mas
Just begun suit tor divorce against MS
wife.
Chicago Dame--I didn't hear the first
part. What king?
The King OF the Society Islands. Il
on ! often wondered why they were
called Society Islands. - Omaha Worte.
Housewife tenew domestie.There IS one
thing l wish TO say to you. Inc last giri
had habit OF coming into the parior and
playing on the piano whenever she felt IKE
it. You never play the piano, do yony
NO, mum. But Oh think Oi cue learn
wild little shown from you. - Basa'ne-
tom Critic.
A young man politely offered his seat In
street car to an old gentleman, and then
went and stood on the platform. II am
glad to see, sir, said fellow passenger,
"a young man like you psy that respect
and difference to old age which il should
always command" "Yes, sir" replied
the youth, ''that old codger is worth mil
lion dollars. n-BoSloa Beacon. A
"who is that fellow you were talking to
lust now?' said man, addressing young
Henley. SCI have been introduced to him
several times, Lut don't know his name. y