River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-06-09

Tailor Ito applicant for a job)-We
want a good cutter Have you had
much experience in the tailoring lineq
Applicant with confident SMILEY
| never had a suit Ofelothes ready when
| said | would since I've been in the
business.
You'll do. You must be
an old hand.
GOODNESS.
A 4-year-old North Side boy used to
go to the butchers with his father. He
always asked for piece of sausage
At length the father said be could not
90 unless he promised not to ask for
anything.
"All right. said the boy, Il won't,
but the Bible says if we are good the
Savior will give rs what we want"
AT the butchers the boy maintained
silence, but he eyed the ringlets of sau-
sage long and lovingly. Billy the
butcher said, "don't You want some
sausage?" The boy looked ut the
butcher, then at his father, and drawled
out, mo" But the butcher said he
had better have some, anyway.
On the way home the father said:
Billy, how do you suppose the butcher
knew you wanted sausage?"
al don't know" said the boy. ..un
less the Savior must have told him. A"
LOCAL PRIDE.
Mr.. Simpson entertaining young
lady at the flower show you like
Jersey cattle, Miss Frankiep
Miss frankie enthusiastically
Like themp dote on them / was
born in Newark, you know.
EXIT ANIMALCULK.
Susie George, dear, see that one
of the city ministers wants people to
stop kissing, because there are numer
Gus nimalcula in the mouth.
George-Yes, | noticed it too; but
people won't stop.
Susie-No, indeed! don't see why
he should be SO solicitious about the
nimalcula If they don't want to ret
hurt they ought to keep away.
WINDY DISPUTE.
AID akotaian and Texan who me
in Chicago were disputing about the
greatness of their respective districts,
and among other things traded marvel
Gus stories about the work of the wind
in each locality. "How fast does a
Texas norther blow?' asked the Dako-
tan at last.
''How fast?" Well the only thing
that viii measureit is lightning. When
a Texas norther is coming they tele-
graph ahead, so people can get under
ground, but when it gets under good
Roadway it will just about run a neck
and-neck race with the telegram. How
fast's Dakota blizzard?'
80, you can't measure a blizzard.
There's nothing like it. I've seen
blizzard skin telegraph message right
off the wires and carry it on ahead.
never saw but one the speed of which
could be measured. There seemed to
be something the matter with that one.
Invent rather slow, only bout million
miles second. and we couldn't tell
what was the matter with it until It
went by, when we found it was drag
ging one of those Internal Texas north
ers along behind -
WILLING TO RECIPROCATE
a digniiied but kind-hearted member
of St. Paul's Church was passing along
Congress street on his way to church
yesterday morning when a sadly
young man who vas lacking
along ahead of him made sudden reel
and landed in the gutter. flat OH his
back. The gentleman after watching
with Mortified countenance several vain
efforts on the part of the stranded
individual TO get alloat, stopped and
helped him to his feet, when his service
was acknowledged, in tone audible
to several bystanders, with:
"Thansh, old pardy; dos much for
you when you're in the same fix
ALL PRIZES, NO BLANKS.
'We're going to have a glove con
test up at our church next Wednesday
night" said a sweet-16 miss to her
best fellow the other evening; .will
you come up?n "A glove contest, "
echoed the young man, ''well, | should
say | would. In a church, too. Wen,
| never heard of such thing, but I'll
be there" That's real good Of you.
You see, each one Of us girls hats
number. We put them all in bag
and shake them up, and then the young
men draw, and you buy a pair of
gloves for the young lady whose
number YOU get. hope you will draw
my number, Charlie And then
Charlie anxiously inquired if there
were any blanks.
KEEPING ABREAST OF THE MARKET.
Possible Customer-W What does first
class funeral cost, Mr.. Laymeout?
Mr.. Laymeout (undertaker) Why,
none of your family are dead, are they?
p. C.-No, not yet, but the old lady
has bought kerosene stove, Johnny's
got a new bicycle, and my eldest daugh-
ter is keeping company with Pitts
burg dude who carries a hair-triger
pistol. It's well enough to keep
abreast of the market
UMPIRE AND STRIKES.
Mrs. Bagley -Aurelia, you had better
hide that milliner's bill, and I'll try to
shave enough off the grocer's bill to
pay il. Your paw is greatly worried
over his business affairs.
Aurelia-O, NAV! you don't mean 70
say he's going to fall?
Mrs. Bagley-I know nothing for
certain, but last night | heard him
in his sleep about being robbed
by man named Umpire, and about
men going out on strikes, and fear the
worst.
The Last of the Bunala.