davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

THE COMBINATION OF INGREDIENTS used
in making BRowN's BRONCHIAL TROCHEs
is such as to give the best possible effect
with safety. They are the best remedy in
use for Coughs, Colds, and Throat Dis
eases. Sold only in boxes Price . cts.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

H Sunoxer0 rom Consumption
Scrofula, Bronchitis and General Debility
will try SCOTS Emulsion Of Cod Liver Oil
with Hypophosphites, they viii find i'm.
mediate relief and permanent benefit. The
Medical Profession universally declare it q
remedy of the greatest value and very pala-
table, Read: 81 have used Scott's Emul-
sion in several cases of Scrofula and De-
bility in Children. Results most crafty
ing. NV little patients take it with pleas
ure."-W. A. HUBERT, NJ D., Salisbury, Ill
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

HALE's Honey of Horehound and Tar re.
lieves whOOping cough.
Pixies Toothache Drops Cure in one minute,
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

HARVARD boys call the female depart.
ment of the university the 'Ann x-"-
burlington Free Press
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

YouxG Artist-"Well, Charley, what do
you think ought to get for this paintingl''
Charley-"Six months. "-Bodon Herald.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

NEVER speak to yourself when any one is
near-Tae Judge.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10
HUMOROUS.

In speaking OF procession OF com
mercial travellers it was quite proper
for the newspaper to say that they
marched in a very orderly manner
Merchant Trareler.
a Pennsylvania named Fiddle
was recently played upon by New York
sharpers to the tune of three thousand
dollars. He is accordingly harping on
his ill-luck.-NOrristoWn Herald.
Young ladies who feel anxious to pre-
serve the most symmetrical anatomical
proportions, should never be in a hurry.
They should remember that "haste''
''makes waist. y Whitehall Times.
A thing that is open Is presumably
capable of being shut, but. often as we
have heard of an open winter, our at
tention has never yet been called to Q
shut winter.-Sdn Francisco Eran,in-
err.
Master Tommy-..Now let's have
Tom. Tom, the Piper's SOM" Sister
-'.NO, no! That's not a Sunday song"
Master Tommy-"We could say Tom,
Tom, the Parsons Son. you known
Fun.
Why She Couldn't Catch Him.
She was plump and beautiful,
And he was much in love.
She hated him, but, woman-like,
To catch him well she strove.
But then you see,
He vas a fiea.
It'd BXs.
-"HullO. Ward, come up to the board
and I'll introduce you to
nice young lAly. Cad, she is nice!
Never jokes, either" mo, Charley,
won't come up. I don't want any
thing to do with these jest-not-belles.' -
Life.
"A pompous and opinionated man.
when discussing a certain matter with
lady. exclaimed: II know am right.
madame. am perfectly sure that l
am will bet my ears on il, madame"
DO you think it right to carry betting
to such extreme lengths ?'' quietly
responded the lady.-N. y Ledger.
Little Johnny. to guessat dinner
-':Mr. Hoskins, I'm glad you've staid
20 dinner with US to-day" Mr.. Hos
you Johnny. Why ere
Iou giad?" JOHNNY heard mamma
ell the cook two hours ago that there
wasn't aay signs Of your going, and
me might as well open jar of pre-
'erves- If you hadn't staid we wouldn't
rave had any preserves. expect
Why. mamma. what are you punching
ne that way for with Jour k1eef.-I
chicago Tribune.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

| A NAME in point is that of Farmer Wheat,
OF Bucks County, whose oldest son 10
! named Buck-Phladelphid Eers.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

THE home-stretch-Tryingt to make both
ends meet
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

"A healthy, faIl-grown fur seal win
eat forty pounds Of fish per day. In
deed, he must have about that weight
or he win begin to pine and fsde- Any
one DESTROYS of having q seal for pet
can figure pretty close ON the cost
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

NEVER attempt to handle snow-shovel
without gloves.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

MAUD 8. has q stride Of fifteen feet Tha,
Of man lodging his holiday bills is thirty;
-Pnil0delphia yovtA Ameyieaa.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

UPSIDE down-Feather bed.-N r Inde.
pendent.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

A MAN who advertised to restore old
paintings had stolen them.-Te1as Siftisgs.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

Is failing to provide the proper means to
expel from the system those disease germs
which cause scrofuln, indigestion, debility,
rheumatism, and sick headache. The only
reliable means is DR.. Harter's Iron Tonic.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

IT takes good deal more money to be a
millionaire now than it used to do.-Sas
Francisco Chronicle
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

The Detroit Free Press heads an item
"Down on the Dog" This must have been
freak of nature-Life.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

CUSTOMER in Observation-Disclosures il this
dsh fresh or stalea" "Can't you telli'' s.No.''
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

A 360r and shoe shop hangs out t:.e sign :
"Cast IRON lastA" We all know it does,
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

THE trouble with a buzz-saw is that il
never has false teeth.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

The former proprietor Of DR.. Sage's Ca
tarrh Remedy, for years made a standing,
public offer in ell American newspapers Of
$500 reward for q case of catarrh that he
could not cure. The present propr;etors
have renewed this offer. All the druggists
sell this Remedy, together with the
g Douche," and all other appliances advised
to be used in connection with it No ca
tarrh patient is longer able to say II can not
be cured" You get $500 in case of failure.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

IT is the engaging girl that is the soonest
engaged.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

IT isn't because . woman II eXactl3
afraid Of . COW that she runs away and
screams. It is because gored dresses are
not fashionable.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10
II Sufferer from Consnmpfion.

Wall of the stage carpenter-an work
and no play.-Tezas SJtirgs.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10
$500 Reward.

RAILROAD brakemen should emigrate to
Paul Herald.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10
An Extensive Delay.

IMPRESSIONS Of America-Footp In
the snow.-Ner Hauea Ners.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10

DAVID EcoTr, champion Australian crick-
eter, says St Jacobs Oil acts hike magic.
Hospitals and curative Institutions sue
cessfully use Red Star Cough Cure. No
opiate2 Costs twenty-five cents boktla
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-02-10
RroWn,a Iiftla JoIce.

TIE cak to arms-aJohn, take the baby. :"
.1o6aio Rllle
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-05-20

ground, while the " woodwork was torn
to pieces by them, independently of the
destruction wrought by cannon. The
level between the house and the railroad
cut was covered with the dead and dy-
irg. The pieces of wood used between
the powder and bal in cannon were as
thick here as | ever saw them during
/ u war, except at point between the
lines at Spottsylvania Court House,
where tie breastworks of the two lines
had been run very close together and
each gun seemed discharging its con-
tents into the throat of another, which
in one instance actually occurred. We
sent this ball back to the enemy, with
our compliments, but they had ruined
Napoleon gun for us. General Barks-
dale's troops held the line until the ad-
vance on Charlottesville. He was
upon the hill at the time that Sedgwick's
troops came in sight. 1t happened that
he had noat:endant, all of his staff being
temporarily absent with orders. said
to him: General, those troops are
Yankees" He said: "Oh, no! Ii is i'm
possible!" Presently, recognizing the
uniforms, he exclaimed: "My God!
who will save my regiment down
there?' The ground below this hill
was impossible for horse, owing to
brush, high-cut stumps and bushes,
while it was difficult for any one not
light and active to get over it. Not won
dering at his question | told him that
would 90 and warn the men. OF my
war experience that run over such
rough ground and back again was the
most severe. The regiments fell back
in time to hinder the advance, but were
not sufficient to hold the enemy. There
fore other troops on their way to Chan
cellorsville had to be recalled. My horse
had fortunately not broken away from
the ravne where it was tied and was
sent after some of these troops. passed
two or three brigades whose command
ers refused to return unless other orders
were brought them. Next | reached
General Gordon, who Immediately re-
versed his column on hearing of the pas
sage of these troops, asking only that
General Early be informed of the ncces-
sity of the case. But for his prompt
ness in taking in the situation, though
he had no orders from the commanding
Generals, have always believed that
the enemy would not have been driven
back and the Confederate success at
very materially les
sened. ID. ID. PENDLEToN,
Formerly A. A. G.. Artillery Corps,
A. n. Va.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-05-20
Caught by n Lump Of s.gar.

A gentleman who returned recently
from Aspinwa!l tells the following
curious story of the manner In which
the natives of the interior Of the Isthmus
Of Panama capture monkeys:
"Almost all the pet monkeys In this
country" said he, "come from Gorgona,
a small village half way on the line OF
the Panama Railroad. The Inhabitants
are mostly native negroes, for no white
man could live ia the village month
unless he drank whisky and took quiz
nine constantly. The surrounding
country is swampy and covered with q
dense mass ofluxuriant vegetation. AT
nightfall thick miasma rises from the
ground and hangs over the forests like
a cloud. This place Is the monkeys
paradise. They travel through the for
ests in troops, going wherever the king
monkey leads. When the natives have
been appraised of the presence OF troop
they go about warily 90 capture them.
Their plan Is simple one. A hole is
cut in the shell of cocosnut just large
enough to admit u monkeys unclosed
paw. The cocosnut Is scoopel out aud
n lump of sugar placed In the hollow.
A string is then attached TO this novel
trap and the negroes conceal themselves
until the monkeys pass by. Curiosity
Is ore of the chief characteristics Of
these little creatures, and when they
espy the cocoanut lying upon the ground
they come down from the trees aud pro-
ceed to inspect Il carefully. The lump
of sugar does not long escape their
notice and one of them thrusts a paw
through the aperture To grasp IL. With
the lump of sugar clasped In his hand,
he finds it impossible 10 Withdraw 1t
nor will his greedy nature allow him to
abandon his prize. The negroes have
no difficulty in drawing him nearer
and nearer to their ambush, the whole
troop scampering madly about him.
chattering aud gesticulating as only
monkeys can. When they have arrived
within easy reach, large net Is thrown
out and they are made prisoners.
Twenty or thirty are often captured at
one haul. The natives sell them to tho
employees Of the Panama Rallrosd, who
In turn dispose Of them In the American
market"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-05-20
GOuId's Double

Cant allow that, my dear sir" said
brakeman on one of the Wabash lines
the other day, rather sharply, to pas
senger who was trying TO crack pecan
on the end of car seat.
The offender, a small man of quiet de-
meanor, seated within hearing distance
of Chicago Tribune correspondent,
looked up and remarked that he was not
hurting the seat, he was hammering on
cast iron.
81 can't help that, sir said the brake
man. Suppose we let everybody crack
nuts on the car seats; don't you see it
would deface them? | tell you it won't
do. You'll have to stop it,"
"Pll pay for all the damage do"
said the little man, bringing his knife
blade down on the nut again.
"You'll get out Of the car if you don't
quit. That's what you'll do" quoth the
exasperated brakeman.
"Oh, no, think not" said the little
man. "Pll try to put up with the in
jury to the car. can stand it," and he
handed the brakeman card inscribed
thus:
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-05-20

Cistern water may be purified by
charcoal put In a bag and hung In the
water.
Whiting of ammonia In the water 10
preferable TO soap for cleansing windows
or paint.
The lustre Of morocco may be re-
stored by vanishing II with the white
OF an egg. Apply with sponge.
To prevent drain pipes from stopping
up, pour hot solution Of potash into
the pipes every moment or two.
The most cfiectual remedy for sllmy
and greasy drain pipes is copperas dis.
solved and left TO work gradually
through the pipes.
In sweeping carpets use wet news
papers wrung nearly dry and torn to
pieces-the paper collects the dust but
does not soil the carpet.
Use great care when picking or pre-.
serving In a brass kettle. Scour the
kettle just before using and never let
food stand In II after II has been cooked.
Galvanized iron pals for drinking wa.
ter should not be used. The zinc coating
is readily acted upon by water, forming
a poisonous oxide OF zinc.
Goats and cloaks should be hung away
on the little wire frames costing from
five TO tea cents, which come for that
that purpose. The frames should frst
be covered with some soft material to
prevent the garments from breaking
over the edges.
Ivory may be cleaned with new soft
toothbrush, soap and tepld water; then
dry the ivory and brush well, dip the
latter in alcohol and polish the ivory
until It has regained It's former sheen.
II the water gives the ivory a yellowish
tint, dry the obj ect In heated place.
II age has yeilowed It place the object
under bell Jar, with a small vessel
containing lime and muriatic acid, set
the whole Ia the sunshine.
Dissolve teaspoonful Of alum In .
quart Of water. When cold, stir Ia
-four TO chicken and pinch of reain,
with half dozen cloves. Have on the
fire teacup Of boiling water; pour the
-four mixture In, stirring we'll. When
the consistency Of musli pour Il inio an
earthern vessel, lay cover over, and
set it In a cool place. when needed for
use take out portion and soften with
warm water. This paste will keep year.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-05-20
A Sad Little Incident.

The Baltimore american says: "A
little incident Is said to have occurred
in one of our big churches few days
ago. II may be true and it may not.
Mother and father were on hand togeth-
er with the infant, and for god father
they had an old friend, who, however,
goes around with the boys occasionally.
The ceremony went on, the baby kick
ed and screamed, as usual, but for some
unusual reason the minister felt himself
called upon to get off little homily on
the duties of parents TO their children.
At last he switched back to the main
track of the ceremony and was about to
name the child. The parents had chosen
rather an elaborate name, and, to facil-
itate matters, had written out the name
on a card, which they had given the
godfather and which he had stuck in his
vest pocket. At the proper moment he
dived down into his pocket, and from
the half dozen cards of lady friends, new
saloons, etc., he fished out a card and
handed it to the waiting clergyman.
The minister looked at 1t, then frowned
angrily at the unhappy godfather, who
realized in some blind helpless way that
he must have made mistake, and then
going through himself again, corralled
the proper card. The minister gave the
child its name, and at the end OF the
ceremony he handed the card back to
him, but without look or word Of rec
ognition. Then the godfather went
away and looked at the card. Ii read"
am something Of liar myself"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-05-20
Turtles Big Enough 90 Ride.

Monster green turtles, weighing as
much as 1900 pounds each, frequent the
beach all the way down to Fort Caswell,
four miles below the town. People eat
their eggs, but do not eat the turtles.
Beach parties of young folks go down
there, gather beautiful shells, have dam
ces on the hard sand in the moonlight,
roast oysters and have fun with the tur-
ties. When female turtle wishes TO
lay her eggs she crawls UP the sandy
beach to a place that suits her fancy,
digs with her flippers big hole in the
sand and then lays in the hole 200 or
300 eggs. The eggs are not dumped IN
pile, but laid out smoothly aud neatly
In rows. When she commences laying
it makes no odds to her how big Il beach
party stands around experimenting the
process. She attends strictly 70 busi-
ness, and even if the eggs are taken from
the hole rs fast as she lays them IL does
not 1T All uIsCouIaSc VI ~ GU" wv
When she gets through she scrspes the
sand back into the hole, whether the eggs
are there or not, and then starts back to
the water. That is the time for the
beach party to have fun with her. As
many of them as can mount her big
dome like back 10 SO and she carries
them right down to the waters edge.
where hey jump off and she goes on.
She does not seem to mind their weight
or show any disposition TO resent their
good d-natured familiarity. Sometimes
they turn her over on her back, but after
she helplessly paved the air a while
they right her again and she waddles
of. .-Smithfeld (N c. letter in N. 4.
Times.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-05-20
The Sandman.


He peeps in through the key-hole,
And he bobs up at the pane,
When scarlet freight dances
On wall and floor again.
Hush here he comes-the Sandman,
With his dream cap he is crowned,
And grains OF sleep he scatters,
Going round and round and round
While the little ones are nodding, going
round.
He whispers quaintest fancies;
With tiny silver thread
He sews up silken eyelids
That ought to be in bed,
Each wee head mods acquaintance,
He's known wherever found
All stay-up-lates he catches,
Going round and round and round
With pack of dreams forever going round.
I see two eyes the brightest:
But I'll not tell whose they are!
They shut up like lily
That Sandman can't be far
Somebody grows so quiet
Who comes without sound?
He leads one more 10 dream-land,
Going round and round and round!
And goodnight to the Sandman going
round.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-05-20
JAY GOULD,
New York.

Il beg your pardon, Mr.. Could" ex-
claimed the employee, humbly. lifting
his cap, and turning red and pale by
turns.
= "That is all right, my good man. Yon
were only doing your duty. No need
to ask my pardon. 1 have no better
right to abuse the property of the road
than any other passenger. Always do
your duty regardless of persons. I'll
keep an eye out for you"
An hour later the great railway mag
nate left the train.
"Do you see that little fellow" said
the brakeman TO an acquaintance.
"Thats Jay Gould. I'm solid with
him and my fortunes made.''
"That Jay Gould?" was the reply.
"Not much. That's Smith Heary, of
Bushnell, III. He looks like Jay Gould,
and whenever be travels he carries a
pocketful Of cards with Jay Gould's
name on them. Been giving you one,
has he? Obo! AbaF
A wild-eyed brakeman on one of the
Wabash lines travels back and forth on
his run, performing his allotted duties
in a mechanical way, and possessed Of
one absorbing, consuming desire. He
wants to meet Mr.. Smith Henry OF
Bushnell once more before he dies.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-05-20


Countryman-Tbst feIIer In the tele-
graph Office up there thought Re was
mighty smart. but fooled HIN.
Policeman-You did? Howi
CIuntrymsD-Oh, easy enough. You
see, went Ia there yesterday 70 sssd .
message TO Sc. Louis, and told him
what wanted. "All right sex he,
"seventy-hve cents" So I paid him
the seventy.hye cents, and III BE- darssd
IL he did . thing bat rap thst Old brsss
clicker Of his nfteen OF twepty times
and then hang the message on hook.
Poi;semas-Well, do you call that
fooling him?
CountfymAn-You just bold on and
I'll tell you. To-day wanted 70 seud
another message to Sc. Louis, but III
be gosh-dagged II wanted to pay sn-
other seventy Ave cents. So went up
20 the Office, kinder polite like, an sex
I, mister, there's yousg LADY outside
as sez she wants 70 speak 10 you. III
tend Office for you while you're gone :
Well, sir, he bit right away. on he
went in hurry. and before he got bsek
I had plentysof time 70 click BIZ old
brass machine ali l wanted and hang
my messsge on the hook just - Be did
the day before. Ikucv they 81 it, TO,
. = - =" l..
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-05-20
TRUNKS AND VALISES

that has ever been brought to this town. In
fact, everything that is kept in first-class
clothing store you VIII find right here. One
word more and lam done, and that is this,
that every fair-minded person will be ready
to admit that my Spring Stock is not only
stylish, but well chosen and exceedingly fair
and reasonable in prices. With many thanks
to all of my friends and customers for their
past favoIs and with strict attention to busl-
ness i'm the future, hope to gain a continue
ance of the same. Remember the old stand,
College Square. .,
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-05-20
Notice to the Public.

WE have established an agency at Union
w VILE for the sale and exchange OF our
high grade Roller Flour. For 515 bushels long
berry wheat. You will get 1876 pounds OF our
best flour and 10 pounds ofial. Second grade
for : bushels of wheat. We will keep full
stock on hand. You can have every advan-
tage, as If You were dealing direct with the
mill. Our Flour is guaranteed to give salts
faction. This is our agency north OF the
Baltimore & Ohio Railroad.
MILLVILLE MILLING CO,
n. S. ]. STRIDER, Sole Agent.
INo W AYIRETT, Manager.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-05-20
The editor of Texas paper gives the
following from statistical memoran-

It was a little newly-aTrived sister
that nurse held in her arms and seven
year.old Robbie stood jealously inspect
ing her. h~s 'rsf
To bis mind she looked smaller and
less attractive than any little sister Of
the other boys that he could remember,
and be felt keen thrill OF disaproint-
ment. So he put his hands deep In his
pockets like papa, wrinkled up his nose,
and regarding the new acquisition saw
agely, ssid:i8g s0tl d. auu hrl
well, call that pretty near a fall
ure." i4alaf
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-05-20
WintermOyer.

MY stock consists of all styles of ofReadymade
Clothing from the little 4-year-old boy To the
largest size in Mems Suits. My stock of Neck
wear and Gents Furnishings is far superior
to the display Of any preceding years. A nice
Scarf for ~ cents. Shirts. Collars and Cufis,
Hosiery, Suspenders, Gloves, Umbrellas,
Scarf Pins and Holders, Cuff and Collar But
TONS and the finest lot of
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1887-05-20

of all the most fashionable styles In Ready
made Clothing and Gents Furnishings Tor
Men, Boys and Children that has ever been
brought to this town. They are first-class
throughout, and combining all the styles and
qualities, with prices strictly fair and to SUIT
the times. ! think that / can prove 10 my
friends and customers, and the people of this
vicinity, that there is but one place TO pur-
chase Clothing and Gents Furnishing Goods,
and that place is at the Boss Clothing StOrl Ol