The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1887-06-01
Mr.. and Mrs. Bowser.

Mr.. and Mrs. Bowser.
| suppose that Mr.. Bowser is like the
majority of men, putting the best side be-
fore the public. The other morning
when he left the house, he knew that
baby was sick had a headache, and
the cook was disabled by cutting her
hand on piece of of glass told him
that We were out of butter, coffee and po-
tatoes, and he said he would stop and
order them. Once on the ear he forgot
all about it, and at half-past eleven, meet
ing an old school mate, he insisted
Now youcome right up to dinner with
me. want you to see my house and my
family, and have visit"
! But your wife won't be expecting
company
! "0h, you come right along Ny wife
and my house are always ready for any
visitors | may bring home, and your
presence won't cause US an iota of em-
barrassment"
At II o'clock | told Jane TO pick up any
sort of dinner for Mr. Bowser, and at II
Mr. Bowser and his friend entered the
house. Leaving him in the parlor, Mr.
Bowser rushed mon me with
Get into your Sunday clothes as soon
as possible-dress the baby up, tell the
cook to have three kinds of meat--send
for nigger TO wait on the table, and run
through the room and pick up things"
Nj Bowser, have you been idiot
enough to bring some one home TO
dinner 2"
Ofcourse have. What is there wrong
about that 10 like to know p
Well, where are the groceries you
went TO order?'
Groceries II forgot p
Jane can't use but one hand, while |
should faint away if tried TO dress.
You'll have to take him to u hotel
Never When invite man to par
take of my hospitality III never skull
him off to hotell 1t is pretty state Of
affairs that my house is all upset in this
manner, at this time Mrs. Bowser, you
and | must have a reckoning I'll be
hanged if pat up with such conduct as
this 2
And then he returned to the parlor and
| heard him say:
Well, old fellow, find note from
my Bride that's mel stating that she has
taken the little angel that's our wall
eyed baby over to hersister's forthe day
and our idiot of a cook didn't expect me
home, and has no dinner ready Wen
have to go down to the restaurant
"Thats all right You've got a beau
tiful home here"
And the incest little wife and the pret
tiest baby in the worldw exclaimed Mr..
Bowser, as he slapped his leg.
And the other evening, as we sat by
ourselves, be suddenly inquired
= Was there a man here to-day to see
about selling me some fruit trees 2'
Why, no. What on earth do you
want with fruit trees?H
What does any one want with fruit
trees2 | suppose your advice would be
to surround our premises with line Of
baSswoodsp
But where can we put em?"
We? shall set them out on this lot,
of course might just as well be raising
$500 worth OF choice fruits each season
as to raise nothing but grass and weeds
Well, suppose you'll have your own
way
Oh, you do Well, if you can con
vince me that the way of one born in
Cook Hollow, brought up on johnny-cake
and educated in ten by twelve log
school house, is better than mine, III
adopt itr'
Just then the door-bell rang, and he
went through to the door Some friends
had come to spend the evening, and Mr..
Bowser greeted them with
Hip, hurrahl Well, this is a genuine
godsend, and no mistake Pussie that's
me- and | were just wishing somebody
would drop in
| entered the parlor after two or three
minutes, and had scarcely welcomed the
visitors, when Bowser patted me aflec-
tionately on the shoulder, and said
Now, cherub that's me run and bring
our little darling that's our wall-eyed)
and show him off He's just the sweet
est, cutest, incest little rosebud in all the
world, and everybody admits it,"
We played cards and had lunch, and
during the evening Mr.. Bowser called
me Daisy, Pansy, Sweetie, Darling and
many other fond names, and when the
subject of diamonds happened to bemen-
toned, he exclaimed
BY George That reminds me Say,
deary, We are TO 20 down to Smiths at
ten o'clock tomorrow, and have you
stones set for your earrings
When eleven O'Clock came and the last
guest had been bowed off the doorstep,
the mammoth grin which had hovered
over Mr.. Bowser's face all the evening
disappeared ike fash, and he turned
ON rue with
Now, then, Mrs Bowser, you got that
gang in here to break up my evening
and eat and drink out of my pocket, and
if you see another new dud inside of six
months, you just ring me up by teIe-
phone D,troi Free Press.