The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1887-06-23

CnHTc1.s
Husband-'.Didy you have much of a
good time at the sewing circle this
afternoonP" Wife-ssNo, / was awfully
bored. There wasn't anything said to
shock ones sense of propriety" =
Ieras Siftiags.
Mother, have I got any childrenP"
asked little Johnny Fizzletop. why,
no, child; what put that in your headp"
IL read in the Bible about children's
children. That's what put it in my
head y Teras Sittings.
A popular writer, who sometimes
has bad ..spell, wrote the name of
the illustrious author of "Pilgrim's
Progress" as John Bunion." His,
publisher suggested that it be put in a
footnote.-LiUing Church.
Washington husband Ito wife, who
is to give a grand balD = Are the
arrangements completedp Wife with
a sigh of satisfactioD-Yes; even to
the ordering of the police from the
station-house. Bis.
First citizen-..I say, Jack, this is a
queer April, isn't it?" Second citizen
Yes, rather; but is it any queerer
than usual?" First citizen-.'I thing
so-a good deal; / haven't lost a single
umbrella yet!"-Nes0 Haces NeaOs.
Il see that you can get Government
impecunious boarder at the breakfast
table. Il think I'll go there and
SETTLE" Mrs. Hardtack-.'Be settle
in New York first. "-Nea0 York San.
81 want to put this package where
my wife will be sure to find it, said
Brown, as he was leaving the house.
'.If that's the case" dryly remarked
his friend, 'just run upstairs and put
it under her bed. ."-Harper's Bazaar.
..Is the sermon doneP" an old woman
was asked as she was leaving the
church. NO., was the prompt reply,
1.-THE sermon is preached, but it will
have to be done (and practiced) by US
hearers during the week" = LiUing
Church.
'.How many men know how to act
in sudden emergencyp demands a
Philadelphia paper. Well, we've
watched the sudden. offer of a stranger
to treat the crowd, and they never lost
their presence of mind-not one
Detroit Free Press.
There is man who has done well, -
remarked Robinson. He got onto a
pull, some years ago, and has made
lots of money out of it." ..Politioan?"
inquired Dumley. mo, Dentist" re-
piled Robinson, who is something of
bore to his friends.
''Yes," remarked Dumley, confiden-
tally, to Featherly, ..Pm having a
hard (hic) fight with liquor, but 1 ex-
pect to (hic) win" Il think you will,
Dumley, was Featherly's encouraging
response, ''if you keep on taking the
offensive. "-Nea0 York San.
First broker-..It's pretty bad for
me-that last break in Ontario. Pm
blue as a jay" Second broker
-'Cheer up, old fellow. Here, try one
of my cigars" First broker-'sO, it
isn't as bad as that, / wasn't con-
templating suicide The Judge.
'sAnd what do you expect to be
when you grow up, Bobby" asked the
minister; "a lawyer, like your father2"
mo" Bobby replied. s.Ma says I'm
too much like pa to make successful
lawyer. I did think I'd be drum
major. but / guess I'll be lion tanner. !"
1--WE don't see you very often at the
club, Charley" mo; the fact is I'm
engaged, and can't call an evening my
own" ''Going to leave the club,
thenp" so, no; l shall be married in
April, and then you may look for me
at least three times week. ."-PhilG-
delphiG Call.
Mother Ito wayward son)-I saw
you kissing the servant-girl on the
stairs. Wayward son-That's just
about the size of it. Mother-Well,
amt you ashamed of your conduct
Son-No; that's the servant-girls
privilege, and 1 don't propose to rob
her of it.-Teras SJtings.
"And don't you know why, Bobbyp"
said the minister, who was dining with
the family, ''your mamma doesn't
want you to eat second piece of
piep' ..Yes, SIR" replied Bobby.
''She said that if you didn't take any
there would be enough left over for
tomorrow. ."-New York San.
II notice." said a clergyman's wife
to her husband, .'that it is no longer
fashionable for the minister to kiss the
bride at the wedding ceremony"
YES" sadly responded the good man,
'''many of the pleasant features con-
nected with the wedding ceremony
have been discarded, and" whats
that? demanded his wife ominously
81 meant mean," he stammered,
~'that the senseless custom of kissing
the bride should have been abolished
long ago."-AH the Year Round.
Del -Go-Shar is the latest fanciful
name for a suburb of Los Angeles Cal :