The Hawaiian gazette., 1887-06-07
The Gand Dukes Dream.

The Gand Dukes Dream
Shortly after the memorable lunch, given
by Capt. Jack, on board the Conundrum, the
Grand Duke summoned all the Kahunas,
(sorcerers or heather priests) or the Duke
dom together with Pa and Capt. Jack. to hear
from the Dukes own lips an account of
dream he experienced while under the in
fuence of Capt. Jacks double elephant
1t was observed as the Duke sat upon his
Throne, that his left fore arm received sup
port from the shoulder and was kept IN
place within the ample folds of yellow silk
handkerchief. And it was observed
that the great toe of his left foot was care
fully bandaged in red flannel, and the Duke
wore his Coronet slightly inclined in the
| direction of his left eye, the latter wore
gloomy expression by reason of the leaden
hue with which it was encircled. The star of
the Ducal family, quite like miniature sun
fish, hung tlabbily on the Dukes left breast,
while around his neck reposed the Collar and
Cross of the order of the Sitting Hen, with the
bow not placed directly under his left ear
ominous but very effective. The general APP
pearance of the Duke seemed to indicate
| left sided weakness-so great even as to re-
| ouire the assistance of Pa who on this oc-
casion sat as left hand supporter, while Capt.
Jack occupied seat on the Dukes right.
THE DREAM.
The Grand Duke spoke slowly as follows:
i
| commence with, let it be known, l have
Toasted on pig and imbibed much double
| elephant, as Pa and Capt. Jack will IN
! doubleday vouch for. pa and Capt. Jack
! nodded ASSENT | recall being present at
the lunch, and having made a speech in re-
! ply to some stupid ass.
That was Pa, interrupted Capt. Jack. Pa
! declined the honor, intimating Sir Timothy
| Tadpole might be the stupid ass referred to.
It matters little who it was, replied the
! Duke, only its just like you, Pa, to put if on
| to some poor fellow who has no chance of de-
| Tending himself-but to go on with my dream:
/ | had Just completed my speech, when my
! attention was called to q roasted hog, which
! had been placed before me. l remember
! distinctly taking the hog by the tail, in
! tending to turn him round that l might de-
! sect him more conveniently, when to my as
! constituent the hog began to squeal. In
| moment he was on his legs and making
rapid time up Main street, in the direction
| of my DucaI palace, which now opened up
] in plain sight before me. | had good grip
! and double twist on his tail which seemed to
! lengthen as the distance between US in
/ creased. l tried my best to pull the hog back,
| and was about relinQuishing my hold, when
two white Elephants suddenly appeared and
| kindly protfered their assistance, which l
readily accepted, adding, If through their
assistance | could regain my lovely hog
they would be rewarded with the Dukedom's
choicest gifts, vial the rum and opium
they might desire together with ten acres of
lava on which they might browse the balance
of their lives. The elephants winked at each
other, while winding their trunks around my
! body. One of them said, bully for the Duke,
the other said ba. Having secured a good
hold they told me to hang to the hogs tail
| for all was worth, while they gave me
pull. The elephants did nobly-for | was
sensible of gaining ground, though In an
opposite direction.
! and relinquished my hold, when to
my CONSERVATION the hogs tail wound
itself tightly around my wrists.
had now only to wait for results. Somehow
| / felt like betting on the white elephants, as
! 1 remember the old saying, " slow but sure"
! The elephants were slow enough. Yet
why should go back on the Hog, any more
than an Englishmau turn against the British
Lion, or the Yankee his bold bird of freedom.
| Oh, my heart yearned for my country's
! hog. Nv ewes filled with tears, and my
mouth watered for him. Let me go, cried.
| Let me 90. The Elephants taking pity on
/ me, was released. In an instant the Hogs
/ tail became transformed into a bamboo rod,
| and l found myself suspended from the little
/ end. Like fish taken from the river bank,
! l was hurled high above ground, clean over
my Ducal Palace and landed within six feet
of the final resting place of my Ducal ances-
I tors The door of the Ducal Mausoleum
/ opened wide disclosing a great, white light,
/ as bright as day, and | heard a lohd voice
! saying-Go away-Go away. You are none
/ of us-You are none of US. A cloud of blue
smoke arose from the ground quite near me,
! out OF which came a tall, thin spectre. bis
/ hair was long like PAS, and he had similar
nose. His ears stood out like horns and he
had long tail terminating in point, quite
! like the barb of a fish hook. His feet and
! hands were like hot Goals, and glowed like
= IL .Aal,f r.rl
! his right hand. Advancing step towards
me, he told me to ''get up and git-or be
would fry me-" I could neither speak or
move. The spectre made dash for me. In
| an instant heard report like ten thousand
thunders, the heavens became blood red.
! Rockets and blue lights ascending and de-
! scending. Crawling green fires like serpents
were moving IN all directions. Green ele-
plants with bats wings sped rapidly through
! the air. l saw but one clear place in the
! heavens. 1t was of deep dark blue dotted
! over with silvery stars. | think there were
eight of them. Each had a long tail with
! cans of opium tied on the end like bob to
| kite. Each star bore its name. | cannot re-
call them all, but remember How-are-you
! and War-whoop, hnow-how, Muleil hlneh
and Mooly-cow. How-are-you, the largest
/ star of the group, was being renovated by
! Job Dynamite, whom l distinctly heard say,
had just finished cleaning the moon and now
| held the contract TO polish off the stars.
How-are-you carried an awfully long tail,
strung with many opium tins and heavy
! bob on the end marked 81 ,000 in plain
/ figures. Turn which way l would those
| plain figures were after me. When IN an un
| guarded moment, a shower of opium tins
! came upon me, top dressed with $1,000.
! This was more than | could bear and
awakened TO find it only dream. Now my
learned Doctors and Magicians trust you
| will give this dream your entire attention,
| for look to You for speedy interpretatlon.