The diamond drill. (Crystal Falls, Iron County, Mich.) 1887-1996, 1887-09-24
HUMOROUS.

look small, D'it she has had young
man Ia 'em for long time.
An occulist says that only one man
in 600 hundred knows how TO take
care of his eyes. That's so. especi.
ally when there Is q pretty girl some
whore about.
"Humph!' grumbled the clock, II
don't know Of any one who Is harder
worked than am -twenty-four hours
a day year in and year out" And
then Il struck.
A Partisan has invented an ''opto-
meter" which will detect woman's
age. Every young marrying unmar-
ried man should have one 10 use be-
fore he Is taken in.
He CAT States Hotel hop. Saratoga) -
Are You fond of dancing. Miss Dia-
mondbedeckedg She--O, passion
ately. but in this warm weather one
does get so het up
The King OF Spain, although but
little more than ! year old. Is gen
eral officer in the Spanish army OF
course he is in the infantry service.
he has been In arms all his life.
Let no man boast that he is free
from color blindness until after he
has been sent TO the dry goods store
10 match his wife's black silk and has
come out Of the ordeal satisfactorily.
City boarder Ito farmer.) - This
milk seems pretty poor. Farmer
The pastur' here amt what 10 ought
10 be. City Boarder--And yet l saw
lots of milk-weed In tho fields this
morning.
"Ain't you in. Maria?" he queried,
as he funded around with the latch.
key NO, amt, I'm out Out Of
sugar, ont of tea, out OF flour, and
ont OF patience snapped female
voice from an upper window.
She You visited the Italian cities
while abroad, of course. Mr.. SMITH
He--O, yes. She--Isn't Naples an
interesting place. He---It is indeed.
/ staid there nearly two weeks. just on
account Of the macaroni
I'm SO deathly afraid Of the ears"
said Mrs. Timid, especially the fast
trains. Id rather walk any time than
get on an express-train." That's So"
said her husband, who is brute, ''you
always travel on afraid train"
my dear" said husband, gently
rousing his wife--the lady was dam
gerously i'll -"Mrs. DE Hobson called
a little while ago and left her love and
sympathy for you. She seemed deeply
affected" John" said the sick lady.
in "A very weak tone OF voice, as she
slowly Enclosed her eyes, "what did
she have on!"
Mrs. Moneybags Ito her husband)-
Now understand me, Mr.. Moneybags.
Unless can sit on the right-hand side
of the ship | don't want any meals at
all. Mr.. Moneybags Why, my dearg
Mrs. Mvneybags--I heard some one
say the star board would be on that
side and guess we're rich enough TO
have the best
Mamma" said a young hopeful on
Clinton avenue yesterday, "what is a
gone sucker" "A gone sucker, my
child" responded the fond mother.
rather puzzled, lis very bad boy"
That night, when the clothing of the
little fellow had been removed and he
was engaged in his usual duplication
20 the Throne ne said: "And q Lord,
bless papa, mamma, and me-, for you
know, Lord, I'm a gone sucker
brooklyn Standard.
There's big difference in men,"
said a stranger, as he sat in a hotel in
Western Dakota town. "Now, |
saw two men in front of saloon over
here to-day. Pretty soon somebody
began TO shoot in the saloon, and one
of the men started of mighty sudden
and the other rushed right in. IL
shows" II seen that, too, pardner, /"
said man who lived in the place
IAN IL don't show nothing but diff
ference in their business" "How's
that?" "Why, that man who started
off so blame fast was the City Mar
shall He knowed there was row."
"But who was the man that rushed
in" Coroner. "-DGk0t0 BeH.
A rather spare old gentleman, with
thin, grayish whiskers and wearing
pair of highly polished spectacles,
leaned over the counter in the Oregon
Railway IL Navigation company's
Office yesterday and asked for round
trip ticket to Portland, Oregon. says a
san Francisco dispatch Thirty dol
lars promptly responded the clerk.
The passenger laid the gold on the
counter and the clerk pulled ticket
out OF the case and handed IL toward
him with n well fnkel nan "Nhat'a