The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1885-1921, 1887-07-19
DRUNK, BUT NOT STAGGERING
A No Legged Man on Spree in New
York City-Bard to Handle.

a queer fragment Of a man, the largest
of three pieces raked out Of the wreck OF
a freight train on a jersey railroad, Is
sometimes seen making slow progress
along one of the east side avenues. Inc
legs of him are buried somewhere IN
Jersey, having been cut Off above the
knees, and he uses his hands for feet and
his arms for legs. raising himself from
the ground on both hands and swinging
upOn his stumps. He says ne was IN the
army, and that his legs were shot away
by a rebel cannon ball at Gettysburg
One Of these days he expects 10 get &
pension. The saloon keepers IN his
neighborhood all know him. and they
would rather give him drink than hear
him describe r.e battle of Gettysburg.
with his own hcrOism in keeping up Ire
with his musL1ct after he lost his legs.
There being 50 little Of him to absorb the
alcohol, he sometimes gets pretty drum
on a few drinks. But he can't stagger,
and he has no use for lamp posts. There
is no ''reeling, rolling home, boys, Ia
his. When he feels SO good that he must
whoop er up he just yals.
The last time he got on q spree he
planted himself on a corner and hOwled
until he woke up all the policemen in
the precinct. They thought Buffalo
Bills Indians had dug up Steele Mack
ayes property Ratchet that was solemnly
buried in the middle of a circus ring and
started a war dance When three police
men reached the scene of revelry the
man without any legs was waving his
aims wildly and daring the whole world
to come on. About twenty people were
grouped around him, and, as there were
no loose bricks or other missiles within
reach, nobody was afraid. He shouted,
sang, def4ed the universe and when he
was not waving his fists above his head
he put his hands upon the ground and
bumped himself up and down energet-
ically. He called that dancing. Once
in while he would charge on the crowd
with a whOop, swinging himself along
rapidly, and heap insults and sarcasm
upon the people who lodged out of his
way. Although he was only about two
thirds of a man, he made more noise
than three whole men.
Two of the officers tried TO persuade
him to go home. but he stood upon his
rights as a citizen. and his stumps as
fragments of humanity, and refused to
bulge. Then they took him by the col
lar, and he wound his arms about their
knees and laid them sprawhng upon the
sidewalk. With hand upon the ground
on each side of one of the PROSTATE police
men the legless rOisterer hOisted himself
as high as ne could and let himself drol
on the policeman S back ike pile driver,
eXpelling q roar from him and amusing
the crowd. The three policemen tried
several ways Of Juggling the abbreviated
inebriate. and finally adopted wheelbar-
row. He stood in the vehicle and bel
lowed all the way 70 the station, and in
the morning he explained that he acted
that way because lie couldu' t get any sat
isfaction out Of a spree otherwise. If he
only had some legs to staggcr with, he
would be as quiet and peaceable as a
drunken dude, but if q man couldn't
stagger and 90 see saving all over & SIDE
walk he must work of the liquor some
other way.-Nevg York Cor. Chicago Her
aid.