The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1887-07-27
HUMOR.

WONDER if dentists ever extract cube
roots?
REGULAR old timers-Dutch hall
clocks.
A AVAILABLE old sovereign-Emperor
William.
IT is foolish to handy words with
chemist; he always has retort handy.
AN old fisherman insists that sal
mon in all his glory" is the correct
reading.
THE woman with disagreeable bang
is she who hammers on a piano in the
house next door.
The preacher lives by the golden
rule, the printer by the brass rule, and
the teacher by the ferrule.
HOWEVER much actors may quarrel,
they generally have to make up" be-
fore they come upon the stage.
A FARMER once called his cow Zephyr
She seemed such an amlable hephyr.
When the farmer drew near,
She kicked off his oar,
And now the old farmers much dephyr.
-DrlcGsodS Chronicle.
LITERARY man Qaughinglyl-Yes, I
took to literature naturally. L was
vaccinated from quill, you know
Friend (grimly) - Ha! The world
would have been the gamer if you had
been vaccinnated from pick or shovel.
"DID you say, sab dat dis intment
will kill bed-bugs in any stage?' "Yes,
sir, my mixture is sure death to
reaches and bugs OF every description,
and will destroy them in any stage"
IL keeps O bo'din' house, sab; and will
it answer in bo'din' house just de
same as in a stage?'
THERE was a feud between the f.
year-old young lady and her aunt,
which came at last to declared hostili-
ties. But the little lady knelt down a.
night and said her prayers: BLESS
papa aud bless mamma, and"-there
came a long, ominous pause-"bless
auntie; but if you can't bless her it
doesn't matter.
"MAMIE," said young man in an
ice-cream saloon, toying with his check,
"do you know that chemist has dis
covered tyrotoxicon in ice-cream?"
"Has he, thought" answered Mamie,
manifesting pleasurable surprise Il
wondered what made it taste so good.
1 could eat another plate of it." And
the young man mentally cursed the
lamentable failure of his scheme.
"WHAT is the difference" asked the
sauerkraut and mince pie?" II don't
know" answered the little bisque
Phyllis on the mantel, unless it's be-
cause they are both Dutch to me-"
NO." repLed the stork, because one is
mixed with the feet and the other is
fixed with the meat" But Phyllis
said that was hardly a fair one, because
she never knew before how they made
sauerkraut.-Burdette.
"YEs," said Mrs. de Hobson, "Clara
had an excellent opportunity to visit
Europe last year in company with
some friends; but l couldn't bear the
idea Of having the ocean between u.s."
1T seems pity, Mrs. de Hobson," re-
sponded the caller; "a European trip
does give such tone to a society young
lady" IL know it does. To those
moving in the high circles that We do
it is almost necessity. i s'pose,"
continued Mrs. de Hobson, half re-
gretfully, shat should have let her
went. Puck.
1t is said that when you touch mans
pocket you touch his soul, but how was
1t before pockets were invented? The
ancients knew nothing of pockets. The
condition of a little 7-year-old ancient
with no pocket in which to store away
his marbles, jack-knife, top, tish-hooks,
jews-harp, mouth organ, ink stopper,
jumping jack, beon blower, gum, slate
pencil, loose matches, ETC., must have
been pitiful. Before pockets came into
fashion purses were suspended from the
girdle. Thieves cut them away and
then cut off with them, hence the term
cut-purse is much older than that of
pickpocket. -TeTas SJtings.