Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1887-06-04
,El,e IInfier orTitIes.


E'Ese Matter OfTitIes.
When this republic was founded one relic
of its old mOnarchical allegiance was pre-.
served, namely: use of honorary titles.
We 10 longer had majesty to bow to, so
we revered an Excellency. There were no
Serene Highnesses to whom one could pay
court; no Most Mobiles and High Mighties
and Lordships and I.adyships TO compose
an aristocracy which should patronize the
remainder of the commonwealth, so we
Jumped our superior beings under the gem
eral head Of honorables. The use Of these
ciple Of giving aristocratic handles 10 the
names of our plebeiaas is inconsistent with
the idea Of absolute equality. Jerry Nc.
Cuff, for instance, gets into the legislature.
1t will not do to inquire too closely how ne
does it, but he gets there. He is mixed up
in ali the deals, the jobs, the swindles that
he can get into; he is criminal, uninteligent
and incapable it is at 8 cost of public honor
and public money that he keeps his place.
Well, what then? At the end of year he
returns to bis ward with money enough to
start 81 liquor saloon, and he is "the Honor.
able Jerry McGuf from that time forth.
His next door neighbor, his superior men.
tally and morally, goes to his grave as plain
John Smith, known to his friends as John,
20 his boss 81 Smith, and is not so much as
'AIistern--a term devoid of present mean
ing, though corruption Of the Master"
that implied adult condition and capacity in
profession or trade. The "Honorables" of
New York city, could they be collected AID
exhibited, would be found TO include so
many dishonorable people that suspicion
would rest on almost any man who
should urge its usage for himself. Es
quire is another tag appended to the
names of many who have not earned it. The
Catholic church maintains in this country
the monarchic titles OF its temporal power
His Eminence and his Grace have an un,
pleasant sound in the democratic ear. But
the acme Of titular exploitation is reached
in our benefit societies. To read the names
of the reception committee at a dance of the
Combined Brotherhood of Mutual Honey.
fuglers, or of presidents at twenty.
five. cent concert given under the auspices of
the Protective Beneficial Order OF Latchkey
Owners, would lead one to suppose that
when one of these favored gentlemen land
ed at Fulton Ferry the twenty.sixth ward
would tip up. Solomon in all his glory was
never the owner Of so many names. 1t is
nothing unusual for small shopkeeper who
is called "Hulo, Schmitzenberger," in the
daytime, to bloom forth in the night with
red and green ribbons and blue rosettes and
gold badges on him, clutching sCepter of
power and welding 1t over group of alb
iect initiates who are taught to address him
as The Most Sublime and Right Worthy
Ruler. How he can endure TO continue in
the grocery business after night of such
exaltation is not to be thought out. The
little dry goods clerk who doesn't dare to
ask his landlady for second plate of hash
or his'employer for an afternoon of, lords it
over sixteen or eighteen subjects on lodge
night and is called Supreme Dictator When
one Of these societies meets III the
evening in 20 Is temple on the
fourth floor above hardware shop
The Pas: Grand Lord of the Door
Knob announces that there are no spies or
traitors in the house, the password Rats ~
is solemny whispered by each in turn to
The Most Noble Custodian Of Secret Signif.
canoes, the names are called by The Grand
Master Of the Rolls, The Most Excellent
First Solicitor of Dues reports to The Most
Exalted and Puissant Autocrat that there
is deficit Of $I7S and that the landlord
wants mis- rent, the lodge authorizes the
The Most Excellent First Solicitor OF
Dues to make up the deficit, the Very
Noble ard Superior Third Assistant
Autocrat is called on for some re-
marks or the riss and growth and beauties
of the order then, if there are no can3i-
dates to have fun with, the lodge goes down
the street and the Worthless and Ex-
celencies and Supremacies and Exalted
mcsses and Puissances play poker and drink
beer with the common herd with an affect
lug graciousness. Commonly, the people
who consent to wear these names are full
grown and possess an average share of wit.
vet their parade of titles is exactly akin to
the wearing of paper epaulets and wooden
swords by children. 1t is a piece of poor
silly vanity, delight in empty sound, n toll
erance of disparities that is ridiculous II
these names were theinventon of little boys
or of people of manned intellect they would
be appropriately parented but they are re.
puted to come from reasoning men and Gus.
tom has sanctioned their perpetuity. Many
of these societies are maintained for wor.
thy purpose and do great deal of good, but
for the chairman, secretary, treasurer and
doorkeeper to give themselves titles bigger
than those of Oriental despots is the height
of the absurd. Verbal decorations OF that
sort are so cheap that right thinking mer
are ashamed to wear them.-BroOklyf E0
gle.
Ifal SC. called remedies have failed, DR.