davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1887-05-25
HE WALKED AWAY.
How Pumped Out Humorist Was In.
suited In Railroad ONCE.


suited In . Railroad ONCE.
The door opened with that length
ened screak which bespeaks extreme
carefulness on the part of the one who
is entering, and tall, thin man stood
in the presence of the superintendent
Of the great Continental Air Line.
| "Well. SIR" said the superintendent.
] The visitor bowed profoundly, and
said:
ut is not in a spirit Of haughtiness
that l come to you. I make no preten.
sions, advance no claims to recognition.
but simply submit my case"
Il don't understand you," said the
superintendent.
ut will not take me long, sir, to ex.
plain myself. I am a pumped out hui
morist."
.Ahp'
Il am inclined to think, sir, that il
is abr
what is your namep'' the superinr
tendent kindly asked
Napoleon 7. B. Buckletield
"And you were a humoristp''
Eyes, sir. -
II have never heard of you
"Ah my dear sir, there is many a
humorist who is pumped out before
anybody hears of him. Mark Twain
spoke recently of endowing home for
ME and my exhausted contemporaries,
but as usual he seems to be taking his
own time.''
"What do you want me to dop"
"Give me a pass. Remember that
do not come haughtily."
Have you heard of the
Eyes, l know all about the Inter.
State Commerce imposition"
Then you know that we can not
give passes except to employees"
Eyes, but you can say that I am an
employee
but none only those who are on the
regular pay roll are to be recognized
as employees
please DO not let that stand in your
way. Put me on the pay roll"
ut would still be violation of the
law unless we actually paid you
money"
well, then, pay me money"
The superintendent bestowed a
searching look upon him. II feel sorry
for you" said he, land perhaps may
give you employment. Are you good
in Mathematics"
II fear not sir. The ninth line of
the multiplication table is my mortal
enemy"
"Can you measure cord woodp"
mo, ! fear not"
mark cross ties?''
Il am not artist enough"
you say that you are pumped.
out humorist?"
Don't l look like one?'
Il suppose you do. Let me see," he
said, musingly, ''if there is not some
thing l can give you to do Can you
CURRY HOTSes
mo, sir. -
Let me see. Pumped-out humor-
ist." The superintendent unused for a
moment, then springing to his feet, he
threw his arms around the visitor.
''Thank Heaven that you have comet"
he exclaimed. Il can give you en-
ployment at an enormous salary. Il
want you to answer the funny letters
the editors write when they return
their passes.
The pumped-out humorist Olsen.
gagged himself from the superintend-
ent's embrace, showed him back with
an ungent1e hand, cast look Of deep
reproach upon him, and without speak
ing, slowly walked away.-Arkassaw
Traveller.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1887-05-25
sELF-EvIDENr TRUTHS.
what tho Democratic Party Has Dor
for the Working Glasses,

1
for the Working Glasses.
Yes; thu friend of English WORKING.
men! is the tlippant commentary of the
evening monopoly organ on the decla.
ration of the Patriot that the Demo.
cratic party in Pennsylvania and in the
country at large is and always has been
the party of the working-men. Let us
see about that.
Who enacted the three-hundred-dol
lar exemption law? The Democratic
party.
Who repealed the law authorizing
Imprisonment for debt? The Demo-
cratic party.
Who placed upon the statute book
the mechanics lien law? The Demo-
cratic party.
Who passed the first Homestead bill
in Congress? The Democratic party
Who passed the act of Congress pro-
hiblting the importation of foreign la
borers under contractp The Demo-
cratic party.
Who passed the act of Congress en-
forcing by severe penalties the act pro-
hlbiting the importation of foreign la
borers under contract The Demo-
cratic party.
Who is enforcing the act prohibiting
the Importation of foreign laborers
under contract? The Democratic mar.
ty.
Who enacted the laws making it a
criminal conspiracy for working-men
to persuade fellow working-men from
accepting low wages? The Republican
party.
Who enacted the law limiting dam
ages for the loss of life by railroad
employe to $4,000? The Republican
party.
Who voted away hundreds of mill
ions of acres of the public lands to
railroad corporations? The Republican
party.
Who recovered for the use Of the
people many millions of acres of the
lands donated to railroad corporations
by the Republican party? The Demo-
cratic party.
Who aims to repeal the taxes that
Cypress the working-men? The Demo-
cratic party.
The evening monopoly organ will
please sit down and shut up.-Harris-
burg Patriot.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1887-05-25

-Fethcrhcdde at the Club-.That
Skattawbwain is dweadful avs. He's
such an avs he makes my head ache
evewy time | see him, wondawing how
the dayvil he can be such an avs as he
is. "-1own Topics
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1887-05-25

The unremitting retention Of sim
pie and high sentiments in obscure du-
ties is hardening the character to that
temper which will work with honor, il
need be, in the tumult or on the scat.
fold. Emerson.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1887-05-25

Showing man where to invest
his money is not showing him how he
can ever see it again after investment
m O. Picayu,se.
, 1887-09-07

another rural part of France. The
grraye-digger, half frightened Of the
probable ghost which his imagina-
ton conjured up and partly awed by
the requirements enacted by the law
in circumstances such rs those in
which he found himself pIaced, left the
coffin in theeqreof tfe m%qurners and
went off wishnkis s~oh1breLstOry to NJ.
lie Marie. Thuhhurab dignitary hav-
ing duly donned his scarf of. office
and summoned the village doctor plO-
ceeded to the local Goods acre" The
coffin was then opened, and it was
discovered that the woman had just
died from fright, having awakened
from a trance to find herself hemmed
in between the terrible deal planks.
When horrible scenes like this are
repeated il is time for the authorities
and the public at large to take into
consideration the invention of the in
g%enious undertaken who has adopted
as his motto, "No more premature
buriaIs." This practical person offers
10 supply in all cases Of doubtful
death nm ~nppaEptBs bYalne"ns OF which
those who msE, haEs,h8d the misfor-
tune to be bYiied aliHEfsema not only
inhale lresAsa on ttlAeir awakening,
but also com Yunicate by signal with
the world which has left them for
dead.-Ibid
, 1887-09-07
PREMATURE BURIAL.

Another case d: premature burial
worthy Of being analysed IN the real
istic manner Of lola has occurred in
France Anselderly woman who liv-
ed in an old.world place called st.
Ouen La RonerIe recently fell i'll and,
as her friends thought, died. The
funeralztook place,aand as tlea grave
digger was preparing to lower the
coffin into the earth he heard means
issuing from inside the lugubrious
four boards enclosing the presumed
corpse. 9 Then followed a scene which
was an exact, counterpart Of what oc;-
Cured about twelve months ago in
, 1887-09-07
Prin ce Ferdinand.
Vienna, 8 August.

1t is expected that Prince Ferdinand
of Saxe-Coburg will leave for Bulga'
ria in the early part of this week. VI.
Natchevitch has succeeded in inducing
him 10 take q decision. | saw NJ.
Natchevitch after his first interview
with Prince Ferdinand. He was very
favOurabIy impressed with his High
ness, though the Prince did not at
once fix a date for his departure. At
their first meeting Prince Ferdinand
had made many inquiries, and had in
timated that he was disposed in prin-
ciple TO accept the Bulgarian Throne;
but NJ. Natchevitch, who is the Bull
garian Minister OF Foreign AffAirs, is
an ~eminenlly practical man. fIe
gave the Prince every Information
he could possibly requ re, and when
he had done tina! he, Regan to persuade
his Highness, to gS PP9qek to Bulgaria
with hime pM,e NsthGbeWbch succeed
ed in convIDslpg MB'pa9d at last, af-
ter innumeEablas bSsitations, Prince
Ferdinand yielded. 1t is understood
that Princess Olementine was not adj
verse to her sons acceptance. A few
days ago his Highness resigned his
commission in the Hungarian Hon
veds, thus severing his last tie with
this country. He goes to Bulgaria
in opposition to the private warnings
he has received from Russia; in spite
of the Porte's recent admonition, and
against the friendly advice that has
lately been rendered him by responsible
people in Vienna.
II was only a few weeks ago when
the Bulgarian deputation was here
that the Prince declared he would do
nothing c4Derary'lsQ the Treaty of
Berlin. IsrwRs, therefore, anticipated
that he wostdlnott be- influenced by
the naturahinpatisncei0f the Bulga,
rians. M. Natclsevitch carefully avoid.
ed all intercourse with Austrian Off
Gals. / believe he did not even leave
bis card at the Foreign Office. He
came here for q purpose, and that
purpose he has carried through sue:
cessfnlly. IL the Austrian Govern
ment had been consulted by him they
, 1887-09-07

would certainly have urged him and
bis colleagues to refrain from taking
any rash step in the matter. Nobody
in fact, that knows anything about
Prince ferdinand Of Saxe-C oburg can
witness bis departure for Bulgaria
without misgivings. He can . no
doubt count upon the loyal hearts of
a brave and generous people; but it
is necessary that a Prince ascending
The Bulgarian throne under existing
circumstances should be something of
a soldier. a man of energy and deter
mlnatlon, ready to face danger and
difficulty in every shape. Prince
Ferdinand of Saxe-C obnrg may be
all that, but hitherto those are not the
qualities he has had the opportunity
of displaying. Moreover, Prince Al
exander,s memory still lives in the
Bulgarian army. lie is still their
ideal hero. They pray for his return
and would fight for him again as they
did during the Servo Bulgarian war.
Prince Ferdinand may, however, safe
y reckon upon the cordial support of
Prince Alexander. When he refused
reelection for himself he said that any
Prlnce chosen by The Sobranie would
receive such moral assistance ms he
could give him. My w conviction
IS that Prince Ferdinand of Saxe.Co,
burg cannon have resolved to go 10
Bulgaria merely to succeed Prince
Alexander. II Russia persists in her
present attitude and the Porte on
tinues to limil its role as suzerain 20
advising inacti0n and issuing circul-
ar notes, the declaration of Bulgarian
independence is certain. In tie neigh
b"uring States Of ROumania and Ser
via independence was soon followed by
a Royal regime. That too seems by no
means nm impossible solution of the
Bulgarian question.
An evening teles ram from GiuIge-
70 states that the Regents were to
leave to-day for Turn SEVERN, to re-
ceive Prince ferdinand on board the
Bulgarian yacht Alexander. FROM
Sofia it Is announced that the Minister
left yesterday for Rustchuk TO receive
the Prince on his arrival there. The
members of the Sobrarje have been
requested to proceed to Tirnova as
soon as possible. The best military
band has been sent to Rustchuk, and
will greet The Prince on landing with
the Bulgarian national anthem. Pre-
parations tOr the Princes departure
are wei! nigh completed at his palace
in Vienna. The uniforms OF his suit.
and the l~iverieS of his servants were
finished to-day. His lIighness has
been in Vienna to, day for the first
time for a week.-Ibid.
, 1887-09-07
ANTI. VIVISEOTTONISrS.

Madame Huoi, the female chalnpi-
on of the Paris anti vivisectionists,
who distinguished herself by her
pugnacious attack on M. Brown
S6quard, the Psychologist, some time
ago, has just had another meeting in
favour of the cause which she repre-
sents. The proceedings were of a
tumultuous description. The lady
was 1anked on the platform by sevc-
raj male and female friends, 10y some
medical students whom she had invited
to attend, and by three live Chinese
Mandarins in full dress. During the
first part of the proceedings luminous
diagrams showing what was called
the chamber of torture, in which AMI
mails were vivisected, were projected,
and afterward came readings of APP
propriate verses. This vent off very
well, but when Madame Huot pro-
ceeded 10 speak of vivisection the
students who were in the body of the
hall began to howl like Gagged mani
acs. 1t was in vain ihst the lady and
her friends tried to dominate the vO-
ciferaiion. They could not get in a
word edgeways. "Scirnce makes
martyrs CT animals!" shrieked tine lee
turer, 10 which the students roa'ed
out in reply, "Vhy do you eat them
,lIenF A lady vivisectionist who
was on tho platform became Over-ex-
cited, aud The vociferalors shouted
''Shockingp in English. After the
meeting had been suspended for a
while, Madame Huot returned 10 the
chnrge, but she made matters only
ten times worse by her illusions to
Paul Bert and 10 Pasteur. "You are
trampling on a dead body" snid some
when she referred to Paul Bert, while
after she had accused NJ. Pasteur of
not even speaking good French in his
Academy speeches, the tumuIt rose to
its height. Cries OF "Vive Pasteurp
burst from every part of the hall, and
it was impossible to go on with the
meeting. One female apostle threat
OA0U 10 StTIhC nET Uu~VCE6HTtCS we
vivisectionists with her fan, which, as
she rather blood-thirstily intimated,
she wished she could change into "a
digger. The students retortcd with
cries Of "Pasteurw while a few faceti-
Gus youths added to The general dis
order and noise by intoning Boulnn.
ger choruses. The Chinese mqndarins
alarmed for the fate Of their elaborate
capillary ornaments and their silken
robes took to their heels and shufaed
away MS fast as they could, and every
body left the hall shouting, ge%sticula-
ting, and singing. Madame Huot will
be a very foolish person indeed if she
persists in her endeavours to carry
fire and sword into the enemy's camp,
orgin other words, to condemn vivisec-
tionlin the very heart of the Latin
Quarter,-Deiy Telegraph.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1887-04-15

Fer the benefit of our boys in blue who
will 60 to the military encampment at
Hagerstown next July we reprint the fol-
lowing from the Baltimore Herald to give
them an idea of the place they are to visit
1t is an exceedingly encouraging prospect
indeed to spend ten days in this delight
ful Western Maryland town and to be paid
for the enjoyment likely to be gotten out
of the trip. "Hagerstown is undoubtedly
the best site for a camping ground in
Western Maryland, and has facilities
which could not be found in any other
place in the western border of the state.
The city is beautifully situated in the
heart of the mountains, and is delightful
town in all respects. 1t is business
place in every sense of the word, being ac-
cessible by four different railroad lines.
The town contains many handsome pri-
vate residences, particularly those on Pros
pect and Potomac streets. It is also a
city of churches, whose picturesque archi-
lecture adds much to the general beauty
of the place. There are several spacious
hotels in the town which are first-class in
all their appointments. 1t may be readily
assumed that the Hagerstown camp will
be one where all will enjoy royalty good
time. There will be plenty Of pretty girls
in whose society the soldier-boy can vile
away the hours when he is released from
duty and enjoy in common the delights of
summer in the mountain region"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1887-04-15
Bishop Lee Dead.

The Right Rev. Alfred Lee, Bishop oil
the Diocese of Delaware and Presiding
Bishop of the Protestant Episcopal Church
in the United States. died in Wilmington,
Del, at $50 o'clock Tuesday afternoon
Bishop Lee was taken sick on March 4th
with typhoid fever. His death WAS grad.
ual asd easy.
Alfred Lee, d. D., LII. d first Bishop
of Delaware, was born in Cambridge, Mass.
September 9, 1907, in the old Worcester
mansion, the grounds OF which join the
Longfellow Homestead. His father was a
captain in the New England merchant
marine service. He prepared for college
under private tutor, and was graduated
from Harvard University in 1927 After
leaving college he studied law, aud was
admitted to the bar in New London, Conn
and practieed in that city for two years
He became convinced that his highes
sphere of usefulness was in the ministry
and hence gave up the law. He began
the study of theology, and was graduated
from the General Theological Seminary Of
New York in 1887. He was ordsined q
deacon May "a, 1887, and priest on June
10. 1888. He officiafed for few months
in st. James's Church, at Poquetannock
Conn, and in September, 1888 he became
rector Of Calvary Church, at Rockdale, Del
aware county, Pa, where he remained un
til his elevation to the episcopate.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1887-04-15

The Cumberland Times, in discussing
the cause and effect of Democratic victor
les in Ohio, the stronghold of Republi-
canism, gives the following strong reasons
why the Democratic party was successful.
It says: "When we look over the country
and find firm and stable administration,
honest in all departments of the public
service, no star route frauds, whiskey
rings nor corrupt lobby, procuring by the
wealth of powerful corporations, large
subsidies, wholesale grants of the peoples
heritage-the public lands; when we see
honest efforts made to relieve the people
of the burden of unnecessary taxation, and
throughout the whole governmental pol
icy an unmistakable desire to act honest.
ly, economically and for the best interests
of the people; when We see, in word, an
undeniable wish, intention and effort to
give US clean government; when welook
over the country and see these things
there is no use to look further to find out
why Republicans, sensible men, practical
plain business men, men who have no AZ
to grind, and who place the good. Of th
country above any mere party shibboleth
either stay at home and offer no opposi.
tion to the Democratic ticket, or else 60
to the polls and vote for the Democratic
nominees"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1887-04-15

In referring in recent interview to the
approaching gubernatorial race in this
State, Collector Greome says he does not
believe there is man living who can at
this time foretell who will be the demo-
cratic nominee. II he had the selecting
of the candidate he says be would endea-
vor to find man who, in the first place,
is good stamp-speaker, one who is we'll
informed on all questions likely to arise
in the campaign, and who could promptly
reply to any new issues which might be
presented for his consideration. The can
didate should also be selected with a
view to uniting every faction In the party,
10 that it could not be said that he is this
or that mans man. He should also be q
man easy to approachon all public ques-
tions, and Of q judicial turn Of mind 1t
might be difficult matter to find man
possessing all these qualifications COM
bined, but there are certainly some men in
the State who can fill the bill.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1887-04-15
I'M MEMORIAM

DIED at her late residence in Chick smuxen on
the 81 inst, Mas. ELIzaBsrH B., wife Of Mr.
Richard Posey, in the 75th year of her
age.
1t is with feelings of profound sadness and
sorrow we announce the death Of this estimable
woman. Vain would be the attempt to por-
tray her many virtues. and those noble traits
of character which endesred her to all who
knew her. The writer OF this has known ber
for seventy years, and seen much Of her do
mestic life. Never idle, indefatigable ia her
lahors TO promote the welfare and happiness
of her husband and children. She was a model
wife, devoted aud loving mother, kind
neig ghbor and a consistent Christian. Her
health had been very feeble for several years,
the last six mosths Of her life she was most OF
The time confined TO her bed. Through all
her long sickness she never murmured or COM
paned, bore it with christian resignation and
when tie messenger of death came sne calml,
~ithout a struggle, fell asleep in Jesus. and
her spirit winged its way 10 everlasting bliss
Her gentle voice is now hushed forever, and
her pure spirit has returned to the God who
gave it She leaves a stricken husband, four
children, nine grand children. and a numerous
circle Of relatives and friends TO mourn her
loss
Weep not for h-r, she is gone
Who once made glad your happy home,
SO join the bright celestial throng
OF those Who dwell around the throne"
R.P.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1887-04-15

We fully agree with the Carroll Demo
crat, when it advocates the selection of
good men for the Legislature. In late
article on this subject it says: 'Law Off
GERS can only enforce the laws that ara en-
acted the responsibility of the enactment
of laws lies in the Legislature. There are
many important subjects that can be ma
terially effected without the consezt or
approval of State officers and which, if
wro.g, they would be powerless to pre-
vent. The subjects of reform, retrench-
meat, reduction of taxation, abolition of
unnecessary offices, correction of objec-
tionable methods in politics, the enforce
ment of just laws concerning the labor
question, and the enact ment, when neces-
sary, of other laws on the same subject !;
these are some of tae matters which lie
strictly within the province of the Legs
lature. All are interested in this matter
and, therefore, all should take an active
interes. and see to it that none but true
men are sci .cted.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1887-04-15

A republican in New York recently
sketched what be said is the Blaine
scheme for 1888. Mr. Blaine will leave
shortly for trip in Europe. which will
probably last until after the republican
national convention has met next year.
During his t-ip abroad, while apparently
having abandoned all efforts TO secure the
nomination, lie will have skilled and
trusted lieu.enauts at home to look after
his interests here. II he should be nomi-
mated while still abroad the nomination
would have the appearance Of having
sought him instead of the reverse. He
could then enter the campaign with all
the eclst OF a unanimous and unsought
nomination, and go before the people as
the strongest leader of his party. While
in Europe Mr Blaine's friends will see
that he is not lost sight oil While his
absence will save him from the necessity
of taking part in any political complica-
tions at home, it will be the means of in
creasing his prominence. He will be the
subject Of attentions abroad which will
be fully reported at bone. He will prob
ably meet Gladstone, Parnell and other
English leaders, and if Mr.. Blaine does
not find an opportunity while in England
of increasing his hold on the Irish vote at
home, be is not the shrewd and able poll
tician that be is believed to be- Then he
will have an opportunity of contrasting
the differing conditions of foreign and
American laborers and will no doubt,
seek to impress upon the workingmcn in
this country the advantage of voting for
protection to home industries. Then il
nominated while abroad, what a magnifi-
cent reception would be arranged for him
on bis return home. Excursion steamers
filled with thousands OF his followers
would sail down the harbor to meet the
steamer on which he Will return, and q
long procession OF republican clubs, with
bands and banners, would escort him up
Broadway to his hotel. IF this republican
is correct in his conjectures the Blaine
scheme is an elaborate one and has the
merit Of novelty.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1887-04-15

The new apportionment of the Civil
Service Commission of government posi-
tiens to be awarded in pursuance of the
civil service act, has been completed.
Under this allotment Maryland is entitled
to 3s appointments, from which will be
deducted the three the state procured in
excess of its quota under the first appor-
tionment. These appointments will he
divided among male aud female applicants
who pass the examinations, in the proper
tion Of one female to every FIVE males.