davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-05-26
HUMOROUS.

An Eastern exchange is authority
for the story that a tree grows in South
America called the corset tree. Well.
there's no arm about that, is there?-
Cleveland Sun.
-''What will she say when l ask her
to have me?" MARBLES poet. If that
poet really wants to know what our
honest opinion is, we think that unless
he is several degrees better than his
poetry she will say: '.Rats. "-New
Haren News.
Guard No. Al, IA Qate professor Of
elocution, and speaking very distinct
ly)-"Chatham Square! Change cars
here for Brooklyn Bridge and City
Hall! This train for South Ferryr" In.
telligent Passenger-''Does this train 90
to City Hall?"-Puck.
Visitor TO Flossie)-And how is
the baby to-day. Flossie?" Flossie-
mamma thinks he is little better"
Visitor-'Then he is not much better?''
Flossie-"No, ma'am. He couldn't be
very much better. you knew. because
he is such little bit of baby" ~
7. Sun.
johnny, here you are at breakfast
and your face unwashed," said his
mother. II know it, ma. l saw the
little things that live in water through
pas microscope last evening. and 1
amt agoin to have them crawl over my
face with their funny little legs."-M.
Y. Ledger.
Omaha Mamma-''You must not
contradict me, Dot When I say that
a thing is so. you must not say that it
isn't" Little Dot-"Well. what you
said isn't so, anyhow" "Now, that is
contradicting." ''Well. let's begin
over again, and I'll say it isn't SO tirst.''
Omaha World
"A woman hurriedly stepped up to
the rear brakeman on Conductor Bene-
diets down train yesterday at the
Naugatuck station with the remark:
lis this the right train?" where
top said the brakeman politely.
Where do you suppose?" she an
.wered, snappishly. and such travellers
are not alone either.
The Kings of Europe. it is said.
are obliged by court etiquette to hug
and kiss each other when they meet in
time of peace. We shall decline the
appointment of King in the old coun-
try until the Queens are included in
this category. and all the other thrones
are occupied by females under thirty
five.-Drakes' Travellers Magazine.
Bobby was at neighbor's. and in
response to piece of bread and but
ter. had politely said; "Thank YOU"
That's right, Bobby" said the lady.
81 like to hear little boys say thank
you "Yes, ma told me to say that
If you give me any thing to eat. even
If it wasn't nothing but bread an but
ter; but if you want to hear me to say
it again you've either got to put jana
on it or give me some cake. LoSis.
rille Courier-Joxraal
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-05-26
BILLS COLLEGE,"
The Vote to Admit It's First
"Gal" Pupil.

The College was a rickety old
room in the neighborhood of the Five
Points. and Shanghai Bill was the one
legged president of it. The mate to
this leg had been left on the battle
field of Fair Oaks. and no soldier was
ever more proud of his stump than
this one. As he forcibly put it: "Any
man thas wouldn't be willing to leave
the hull of his mortual carkiss in a
high old fight like that ere one, didn't
deserve the name of man." 1t will
be seen from this verbatim report that
Shanghai Bits knowledge of grammar
and rhetoric was limited: but rs there
was no particular demand for either of
these sciences in his exceedingly orig
inal institution. it made little differ
cnce.
His pupils were all newsboys, vary
ing in age from seven to fifteen years,
and were taught by Bill to read the
heads of the sensational columns which
it was their business to Cry to the out
side world. Arithmetic was the presi-
dents stronghold.
'I'm Your huckleberry in every thing
but fracshings,' he had been heard to
say; but when you come to splitting
two-thirds into nineteen-seventecnth
and IN eighth. and squaring the hip
potomus, l should lie if l said Twas
there"
At the time of our story. Shanghai
Bill had twenty pupils. They paid five
cents week for their tuition. and
when any of the number happened to
be hard-pushed. as was not often
the case, the president cheerfully
.chalked it down, and waited for better
circumstances.
1t was cold. drizzly night IN Octo-
Der when Shanghai Bill placed his tai
low-dip in a homemade wooden can
dlestick in the center of the home
made wooden table which served for
desks for the class. There WAS straw
led, minus bedstead, in one corner.
upon which the masters ungainly form
reposed at night Eight perilous stools.
also homemade. and upon which the
scholars took turns in sitting. and a
small. ancient and very rusty cooking
stove. completed the college furniture.
The first to enter was Pete the Wide
Awake. followed by Short Jack and
Blue Tim, so-called on account of a
grief-stricken aspect. which never left
him in the moments of the greatest So
.cial hilarity.
Pete had Just opened his mouth to
speak, when the rest Of the students
came trooping IN. Most of them were
barefooted, many of them jacketless
and almost trouserless, but all were in
excellent spirits. looking forward with
the greatest pleasure to the evening"
work.
"You amt heered the news nor
nothin', s'pose. boss?" began Pete
the Wide-Awake, as soon as he could
make himself heard.
didn't we give it to her. though?
broke in Hockey Post-so-called from
once having stolen several copies Of the
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-05-26

AT Delmonico's-Cadley and his
Uncle Jack. from California, at dinner.
Cadley-"How do you like that terra
pin stew, Uncle Jack?" Uncle-"Fair,
my boy, fair. Flavor not bad, but ]
like sardines better" Cadley-"Like
sardines better? Why7" Uncle-"You
can swallow the bones. "-Torn Tonnes.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-05-26

-Ruskin has made so, 900 out of the
sale of his books Lost year.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-05-26

observation-disclosures, can you ten
me why your mothers consent to our
marriage is like our marriage itself!
Lodemia-"I am sure l can't imagine
why." Marcellus-''Becaus we both
thank her for it. See? Both thank
her-both hanker-for it." Lodemia
(stifly)-"Ah, that reminds me, Mr..
Hankinson, can you tell me why our
marriage is like the color Of your nose?''
Marcellus-"No dearest; Igive it up.
acknowledgements have about come
to the conclusion that it can t come on.
See? Can't come of Come off,
Chicago Tribune.
Thomas County cat. [volume] (Colby, Kan.) 1885-1891, 1887-05-26

dent, in authoritative tones, interpos
ing his long right arm to keep Shor
Jack from returning the blow. "Hol,
on now." he continued. It'll I get a
the right of this yarn. You're the ga
that tried to get the boys honest bust
ness away from 'em. amt ye?''
I'm the gal that's tryin' to do Al
honest business for myself" replied
the stranger, folding her arms ant
looking scornfully about her. There
she stood-a girl of fourteen. perhaps
tall and slight, ragged and most in
efficiently clad, but scrupulousiy clean
Her eyes were large and. in the light O
the Pickering candle, black as night
Her hair was dark and very long, ap
parently worn flowing for the sake o
the warmth it afforded. Indeed. he1
hair seemed the only comfortable articl,
of toilet.
ut aint gals work to sell papers.
said the schoOlmaster. trying to Dol
ster his lettering prejudices under thu
fire of those flashing eyes.
Then give me some work that is. ,
was the immediate response. II ain
particular about selling papers, bu
gals have to eat as well as boys. ant
gals can be cold as well as boys. too
The fat gentleman that keeps the res
tausant down on the Row-he's thu
one that set me up in business-sait
that you was a good man, and SO I've
come up here to have you settle it.
This was an unlooked-for crisis. and
one for which the good president wa.
unprepared.
"Idunno as anybody wants to see s
gal starve," put in Short Jack. with
his hand to his smarting ear.
The young girl gave quick glance
at the maker of the remark. and
seemed about to speak; but she folded
her arms again and looked straight at
the schoolmaster.
"What is your name?' he asked. in
tone full octave lower than that in
which he had spoken before.
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24
IRRiCATloN THE GREAT ARIZONA VALLEYS.

E The question of irrigation in Central
 Arizona is now settled; that is to say, the feasibility of irrigating at reason able cost, all or nearly all of the agri- cultural lands in the district, is beyond doubt. The large supplies from the river, through the several canals and ditches, supplemented by the peren- niaI flow from the numerous storage ponds and lakes in the mountains, leave no room to doubt that every cul tivator of the soil will find it easy to obtain all the water he may need.
 The cultivation of nearly all the irrigable lands, especially in the two great valleys, the Gila and the Salt River, is less difficult than in most districts elsewhere. The soil has a sedimentary surface of several feet in depth, very light and porous. generally 1 free from gravel or rocks and stones, such are usually met with where land is in any considerable degree broken or rolling and is exceedingly fertile. It is in support of this latter assertion that the Indians occupying the lands now included in the Pima and Gila reservation have cultivated wheat on the same soil where they now cultivate it, more than 200 years without once changing their seed, and their crop of last year was in character better than the average crop of the States of the upper Mississippi valley,
 There are now under cultivation in the Salt River valley and in its i'm mediate vicinity, more than 50,000 acres, aud the area is being enlarged with astonishing-rapidity. So easy of cultivation is most of the land in this valley that 1t IS no uncommon thing for it to be cleared of the little brush that it bears, and with nothing but the ordinary cultivator run once over it, and sowed to some kind of grass or grain, and in three or four months ri- pen a good cron without ever having been touched by plow The charac- ter of the soil is such and is so exactly alike, from the surface to the depth of several feet, that cuttings for raisin grapes are in many cases put into the ground, and make a rapid growth, without any preparation but single furrow in which to place them. The description here given of the Salt Riv- CT valley is equally applicable to the Gila and other adjacent valleys of this whole central portion of the Territory. Rev. o. c. Wheeler in Pacific Ru- ral Press.
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24

Gazette Robert McPherson, a prominent Los Angeles capitalist who is largely interested in Arizona, being one of the gentlemen who has interested himself in the construction of the Colorado and Gila canal, which will be one of the largest irrigating canals in the world, arrived in Phoenix last evening from New Orleans, en route to his home in Los Angeles. In conversation with a Gazette reporter, Mir. McPherson remarked that thIs valley is one of great promise. q be lieve," continued the gentleman, "that much of the farming lands in this val ley, which are now valued at twelve dollars an acre, will be worth one hun dred dollars in less than five years. the system of storing water, now com ing into use, will be of great value ta this county for purposes of irrigation. '" "What do you think of our climate, and how does it compare with that of Los Angeles" asked the news gatherer. "Well," answered the gentleman, ''for eight months in the year this climate is superior to that of Southern Cali fornia, and although the summer months are quite warm, they are re markedly healthy, and benefit to a remarkable degree many people who are troubled with lung diseases, and all in all, Mir. Reporter, I consider we have here one of the most promising valleys in the west, and I shall be disappointed if you don't have a tre mendous boom here during the coming fall" Mir McPherson will remain here a few days, when he will take his departure for Yuma, where, as we be fore mentioned, he has large interests both in the Colorado and Gila canals. The Gazette congratulates the citizens of Yuma upon securing a man of ener, gy and business capacity, such as Mr. McPherson has always proven himself to be-
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24

The Chicago anarchists must hang. The Supreme court of Illinois has af- ffFTned the decision of the lower court. We see no reason why they should not hang the same as any other murderers. If any man or set of men don't like th laws and institutions of this coun- try let them get out of it, and If they commit murder in their insane attempt to subvert the laws, let them hang like dogs. If those fellows had com slitted the same crime in any foreign country they would have been in hell long ago.
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24

Nature certainly intended Arizona to become the brightest gem in the cluster of states that form the Ameri- can nation, when it gathered within its boundaries every element and re- source needed in the civilized world. The thoughtful man cannot restrain [ expressions of deep wonder when shown the extent and variety of these favors and it is indeed a land of enchantment to the sentimentalist, a study to the naturalist, problem to the philoso ! pher and an empire to its own people. Were the whole outside world plotted out of existance there is no single want now supplied the people of Ari- zona but could be filled out of the natural resources of the Territory. The agricultural lands are capable of supplying every known product of the world with the few exceptions that strictly pertain to the tropics; in cere- al, vegetable, fruit and fibre not a single desire need exist unsatisfed. In metals we have an abundance of all known varieties. We have timber for our lumber supply and coal for our fuel; game for the sportsman and the most sublime scenery upon the face of the earth for the tourist. We have medicinal plants and herbs to meet any ailment, and climate to suit any con- dition of the human constitution. In deed, the catalogue of our natural re sources is beyond our ability to emu merate, while the omissions of kind nature may be counted npon the fin gers of ones hand What a grand en- pire in itself would Arizona become if forced to depend upon its own re- sources! It would be a world com- pressed within its ll3,000 square miles, and busy, happy and pros porous world, enjoying every advan- tage th:t art and science can achieve and every luxury that mankind can desire e.-Enterprise.
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24

A. L. Grow, of Tombstone, who has been appointed Provisional Depart ment Commander, of the department ef Arizona G. A. R.. is man nf ster ling worth, and a gallant soldier. MT Grow has been identified with the Grand Army in Arizona since its in ception, and will bring to his new of fice great experience in the affairs of the new department, and ability as 2 citizen of no mean order. The Gazette extends its hearty congratulations to our old friend upon his merited pro motion.-Gazette.
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24
THE YuMAS---MANNER or DRESS

An essential article of dress worn by the men, before they began to adopt the more elaborate, though less convenient, dress of the white man, consisted of a piece of coarse cotton cloth, three or four feet long, passed between the legs, the ends drawn over cord tied around the waist, and then allowed to fall loosely down. The women wore a very becoming and a very pretty dress. They took the inner bark of the willow, cut into strips about an inch wide and sufficiently long to extend from the waist to the knee. A number of these pieces are woven together at one end and sel- vedged, the edge being long enough to go half way around the body; two of these pieces-one called the hike and the other the al-ter-dick- se- cured in front and behind by means of strips composed of the same material, and covering the body from the hips to the knees. The front portion is woven plain, but the back into an an gular shape, with lump at each side, answering the same purpose and ap- bearing like O. bustle On this pro. intolerance the women carry their chil- dren of two and three years of age, a rope passing around the groins of the child and the ends tied together in front of the mother; as she approaches you, nothing is seen of the child but a little foot dangling down on each side. The belles of the tribe ornament these p tticoats with bits of colored cloth. etc. When these Indians lie down to sleep, they strip and cover themselves with their clothes, having nothing be- meath them; in winter they keep warn by lying near a fire. The hair of both males and females is cut square across the forehead above the eyes, the sides and back left long: the men wear it very long, as 1t is, considered a great ornament, and formerly they braided it in small rolls; the latter were used in using their bows, qrrows and clothes above water when swimming a river
 The women do not wear it as long as the men. They speak of che of their celebrities, long since dead, with great respect, as the warrior with the very long hair. Both sexes paint; the nsu- al colors are vermiiion, black and blue. Some are tattooed. This operation is performed by pricking the skin with the sharp point of a flint, and sprink ling in the wound the dust of cl a coal. Very few ornaments are used. The chiefs of the various bands seem to have distinct official badge, consist
 ing of pearl-shelIs suspended by rings from the nose. Both men and women re pass jonately fond of glass beads.
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24

The San Carlos reservation authori ties having refused to aid in the arrest of the Eskiminzi Indians wanted fol horse-steahng and killing cattle, be cause they were not reservation lndi ans, Sheriff Fryer summoned a posse of f0 armed men and Left Florence at noon last Monday for the San Pedro river. He expected to reach Eski- minzi's camp at daylight Wednesday morning and make the arrests even il he had to fight.
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24

The first train for the week iron the west arrived Wednesday morning There has been but a few small wash outs between here and Tucson during the week and trains, therefore were more regular. It is expected that the damage to the track at the Pantanc cienega will be sufficiently repaired tc permit through trains to pass oyer i. to-day or tomorrow.
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24

j Citizen.-Judge Barnes has ruled that under the new law, witnesses are entitled to neither fees nor mileage This is an unjust law, and aill wora hardships to many. The Court, how ever, could not do otherwise than rule on the law as he found it. This is another fool phase in the new code.
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24
BuckIen's Arniea SaIve.

The best Salve in the world for Cuts, Bruises, Sores, Ulcers, Salt Rheum, Fever Sores, Tetter, Chapped Hands, Chilblains Corns, andall Skin Eruptions, and positively cures Piles, or no pay required. It is guaranteed to give perfect satisfaction, or money refunded. Price p cents per box. for sale by A. Frank.
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24

Mohave County has levied a tax rate of S3.63 on the $l00, and an ad ditionaL l9 cents on the $l0O for Ter itorial Live Stock Sanitary purposes.
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24
SATURDAY, SEPT. 24, 1887.

National bank depositaries now Hold over S20, 900 in Government funds-the greatest amount ever held by the Repositories at any one time.
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24

Oar school trustees nave wisely adopted economical measures in the management of the affairs Of the district, which ,yill result in saving during the year of at least SIUgO and will not affect the efficiency of tn school. An equal saving could have been made on teachers alone last year. The salary now paid is the same a. that paid in Tucson and other places in the Teiritcr. With the present system ofseeonomv tber.. will soon be sufficient funds saved to erect handsome and connexions school build ing,
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24
Notice Of Forfeiture.

Notice is hereby given to G. W. Oswald, his heirs or assigns, that I have expended one hundred dollars in labor and improve ments upon the Northern Belle mine, (situa- ted in Knoxville Mining District, Yuma county, A. T:) and more particularly de- scribed in Pages l69 & TO, Book D, of Mine Records, Yuma County, A. T., in order to hold said premises under the provisions of section 2324, Revised Statutes ot the Unit ed Statet, being the amount required to hold tbe same for the year 1886, aud if with in ninety days after this notice by publica- tion 90 days you fail or refuse to contribute your proportion of such expenditure as a CO., owner, your interest in said claim will be- come the property of the subscriber under said section 2224
 Max Engasser.
 Yuma, A. T., Aug. 20, 1887. l3t
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24
WHY WOMEN DON'T SHORE.

"Fergy, dear," said Mrs. Montgom cry, the other morning, as Mir. Mont gomery came down to breakfast, look ing as cross as two roads, "why dc men snore?"
 "Give it up," he replied shortly with a suspicious look.
 "You snore, dear," she continued, "What do you do it for2'
 "I don't snore at all." replied Mir. Montgomery, emphatically. "It's that dodgasted fool in the next house.
 "Women never snore." Remarked lIrs. Montgomery refectively, as she dropped pinch of salt in her husbands coffee. 'I wonder whyp
 Cant" replied Mr. Montgomery.
 "Whyl"
 "Well, you can't snore unless your mouth is open. A woman works her jaw 90 confoundedly hard during the day that when night comes, it is so tired that she has to close it up and give it a chance to recuperate."
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24

FOR SALE-On the installment plan, an organ, St. Louis manufacture, Inquire at this office
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24

We have news of another killing in Pleasant Valley, which we think i: ostensibly correct. John Tewksbury T Mir. Jacobs and another person whose name we were unable to learn were the victims. The bodies of John rewksbury and Jacobs were discover. ed by Mrs. Tewksbury, some distance from her residence and near her father. in-law's residence, which evidently they were trYmg to reach. The third man had just reached John Tewks- bury's hors', had picketed his horse and was on his way to the house when felled, it is supposed, by an axe.
 It is reported that U. & soldiers have been ordered from Fort Verde to Pleasant Valley for the purpose O trying to arrest the be!..er-u, fas,i ns. -EN
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24

Our District Court meets next Monday The ralander is a short one. This is a quiet, peaeeable community.
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24

It appears that the land sharks are not all dead yet, as a number of con tests have recently been filed agaiust legitimate settlers on desert tracts. This would probably not be wrong in appearance were it not for the fact that in some cases at least $1, ,00O have been expended in removing the mes
 quite and sage brush from the tracts, preparatory to planting the same. Were it decided to contest entries Tn gooi faith the parties would not be likely to wait until such improvements have been made as we have mentioned. But it is another proposition the. are working. Blackmail is the scheme, md it does not appear so remarkable that this should be the rule when prominent pseudo lawyers are working up similar propositions.-Arizonian.
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24

q 80 A. M.-Ddly-Local passenger O tram Via L. A. & l R. R. to SaI h Monica.
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24
SvJTiifHA PACIFIC COMPANY.
coM11ENcE6 SUNDAY, DECEMBER 7th, 1s4
 kSD UNTIL FURTHER NOTNE.

Q:30 A. M' Daily-San Francisc Othrcugh freight and third class ac- commodalion
The Arizona sentinel., 1887-09-24

1 ~ 'oO M,-Daily-Local paessner
 1O train to Wilmington and san PsdIe.
Nevada County picayune., 1887-03-23
Household Hints.

Vinegar is better than ice for keeping fish and is often improved in flavor nnder this treatment. | may not generally be known that if the saucepan in which milk is to be boiled be first moistened with water, it will prevent the milk from burning.
 Cement for china, glass, etc: Dissolve half an ounce gum acasia in a wineglaSs of boiling water, add plaster oi paris to form thick paste; apply with brush to the parts 10 be united.
 To prevent polished steel from rnsting atier cleaning and when not in usp. take a cloth with d very little sweet oil on it, and wipe the articles over so slightly, but evenly, to oil the surface.