Rock Island daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1886-1893, 1887-11-07
DEACON BURDETTE.
wIrn eosrs on rnE pnosrcurIoN.

WITH COSTS ON THE PROSECUTION.
Prisoner, did you kill this hoya' II din,
your honor; | cut his throat. He shot me 10
the ear with a rubber sling, and"-- 'The
prisoner is discharged, and the sheriff will
give him back his knife and tell the janitor
to sharpen it for him
THE GHOST AND THE ORIG.
My son, be uniformly serious in your con-
versation with strangers. 1t is an uncomfort-
able situation to be in, having uttered a
merry little pleasantly. to learn, from the icy
chill that cougesls your hearts blood, that
you are talking to that awful and human ice
berg, the inan vino never jokes. There is only
one worse thinsin the world Of horrors-the
man who always jokes
WITHOUT ARE DOGS
What staff people do write about dogs.
Hear what Col Thomas Wentworth Higgin-
son writes in Halper's Bazar: ''How many of
Us hold to our friends with a love as mex
haustible and as ineStinguishable as that
which our dog gives to us.' What rubbish
is this! Il Seems to me that when people be
Come addicted to dog worship they lose their
minds The dog loves the man who feeds
him. You may keep a good, well bred dog
five years, then sell him, and in two months
his 'inexhaustble love win be SO far ex-
hat,sted and his ''inextinguishablen love so
nearly put out, that the faithful creature will
chase You out Of his new masters orchard
4 man who confesses that his love
for his friends is weaker. and more
selfish, and less faithful than dogs.
puts 4 shamefGlly low estimate upon
his friendship. love to read the
two greatest books in the world, the Bible
and Shakespeare; neither OF them SAYS any
thing good about dog. 1t isn't that dislike
dogs, because don't; like them: but there is
such tendency to dog worship in these weak,
pooling times OF pug and mastiff that a man
needs a great deal Of wholesome corrective.
Whats thati You once had dog that Do
you suppose l am going to accept the state
mentS OF men who once had, or who now have
dogs as evidence. You'll want to tell me
abouta bass You caught, the next thing. |
knew yonr dog;a long haired, beautiful ac-
tive, faithful creature he was, as ever made
glad the heart of a boy. He used to trample
all over other peoples gardens and carried
his unwelcome hcas into your neighhors'
homes; he tore down climbing vines and dug
III 'i'NF tiAiAs Rats lt0c AtNtttEf
when it rLiued ON him he smeled like the
| picking room of Il tannery. l knew your dog.
g PROFESSIONAL PHILANTHROPY.
What is the CHARGE asked tia justice,
| We'll, sor,N said the officer, this mar
| knocked the child here Until the gutter, thin
| kicked him ali the way across the sthreet, AT
| phin KEN up wild 'em he was batin' him wild
| the tail gate of a doonp cart "Why did
| you assault the child, prisoner Because
he threw stone at poor cat" ''What is
| your business:" Il am a phiant aropist. .
He got thirty days for sentiment and refiec-
| ton.
| A VALUABLE AFFLICTION.
What swells your face up 80 awfully,
boyF jumping toothache" Doesn't ii
| hurt" Nearly kills me-" Come into my
office said the kind young dentist, land III
| cure it for you in minute Don't want
it cured, replied the boy: want it to KEEP
me out of school on the race days IT.
| mighty rough on a Teller at lights, mister
but l wouldn't take ten dollars for this tooth
Just the same"
| THE HOUR OF TEMPTATION
You can trust me now, said the penitent
FbSbiultIN, L NpuNlH L tell u lie 10 SilNe my
| life but can YOU trust yoursefr' asked
the pastor, anxionsly, "a habit of exaggera
ton and prevarication Isl Il can tell tn,
| truth without a str-n,r-Ia :, insisted the re
formed man ..tho saasnn 10 chou c,,a,. a,,,
-. -" -, - ~.
'"'o' ''i'' t'oi'i A"' ii'to 'ue s'ore ids
| night alid s'"ie my Trout rnd: the prettieS
| thing you evsf whipped a brook with
| weighed four and a half ounces and in 1879
landeda seahass with if that weipbedn-
| But the minister had hghted n candle anf