The Indianapolis journal. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1867-1904, 1887-04-17
A PROTEST.

Doctors are doubtless well-meaning class
of citizens, but the man who depends strictly
upon their opinions for the regulation of his
daily walk and conversation will find life
very dull and pent-up- Utica sort of affair
Indeed, to so fine point has scientific medical
research brought its investigations that all
modern existence is arranged more or less
somewhat after the plan of certain traditional
nursery orders: Johnny, go in the other
room and see what the baby is doing, and
tell him he mustn't" Eating drinking, sleep
ing, sitting, walking, or standing, melan-
choly and the doctors seek to mark us for
their own. All food is reported to be largely
adulterated. Death peeps at us from pan,
pot and skillet, until, in despair, we restrict
ourselves to that bran-mash diet which is in
evitably synonymous with dyspepsia, or reck-
lessly fly to that other and equally reprehensi-
BILE extreme suggested by the lawless old man
VINO set what he was a min ter, and let EN-
fight it out among 'emselves." Drinks, too,
are hygienically taaooed. Hot drinks ruin
the teeth and parboil the stomach, while cold
drinks paralyze the nerve centers and dis
courage digestion indefinitely. Tea-that be-
loved cup which cheers but not inebriates-is
coffee is, beyond all doubt. chicory and hand
painted wooden beans. Even into the silent
watches of the night the doctor follows u.s.
You mustn't sleep on pillow or you will be
round-shouldered and your lungs cramped in
action; you must not sleep without pillow or
you will have rush Of blood to the head; nor
must you lie on your back for fear of night
mare, nor on your left side lest you clog the
wheels of digestive trade; thus step by step,
we are restricted-all avenues of ease and en-
joyment blockaded,, until the conclusion is
unavoidably thrust upon US that the only wise
and safe man is he who stuffs cotton in his
ears and nostrils, shuts his eyes and mouth,
and stands in corner with his face to the
wall for the rest of his days Commendable
though submission be, however, we trust that
the American Nation will rise as one man and
denounce in toto and without benefit of
clergy the statement which has been recently
made by an eminent English surgeon, to the
effect that racking-chairs are unwholesome,
scientific analysis having discovered them to
be productive OF deafness and nearsighted-
ness. 1t is matter for great regret that this
| decree should be so obscure as to the point of
| view from which the rocking-chair is pro-
| nounced unwholesome. As an edible. it has
not yet been introduced into this country, yet
we dare to assert our conviction that, even in
that capacity, if finely minced and nicely gar
nished, it might prove as palatable and nour.
ishing as some other comestibles of which we
wot. However, as an article of household
furniture and domestic comfort the rocking
chair has well.established reputation which
no foreign iconoclast can destroy, without
climbing to such victory over the dead bodies
and through the gore of every valiant Amer
lean citizen. In this medical pronuuciament,
the very cornerstone of republican institu
tons is threatened All the fond ties know