St. Paul daily globe., 1887-11-06
A CONFIDENTIAL TALK.
ADVICE TO ELoPERs.

ADVICE TO ELoPERs.
A girl in Bird Island asks IL there is any
law prohibiting married women from elop-
ing, and if 1t shows bad taste on the part Of
woman who has eloped to telegraph to her
husband, asking him to send her effects to
her. I have not examined the law bearing on
the question Of elopements very closely, but
am Of the opinion that there isn't anything
bound in calf or otherwise shackled that is
able to prohibit woman from eloping il she
chooses to do so. The question is not
touched in SPALDING's base ball guide for
97, and as that work treats more fully on
foul catches" and "base runners than any
other legal compilation that has fallen into
my hands, unhesitatingly take it for my au-
thority.
When man marries woman whose eye
sight is not impaired and who is capable Of
seeing where she is going, he takes great
many chances, prominent among which is
the chance that she'll elope with the first
bisected individual that clothes his lower
half in spring bottom pants, and strolls her
way with look of deep concern in his eyes.
What woman yearns most earnestly for is
deep concern. If she happens to marry q
man whose pocketboOk is deep concern,
the chances for her lingering with him a
reasonable length Of time are better than il it
happens to be a thin, shallow, invalid affair,
that can't keep anything on its stomach. OF
course there are women who don't give a
thought to the trivial matter of money.
There are those who probably never for
moment taken into consideration the ques-
ton of dress, and have known women who
seem to care nothing for the lighter things of
life, such as theaters. moonlight excursions,
ice cream, etc., but those women are all dead.
They cannot be properly classed with this
generation.
Woman is a free moral agent. She has
moral and legal right to do just as she
pleases and i'll every case that has come un-
der my observation she has been the first
person after she was born to discover this
fact. As previously stated there is no law
prohibiting her from eloping if she chooses
10 do so. If she takes a notion she will go.
no matter how muddy it is or how late the
train happens to be, and the only sure way to
prevent the possibility of her galloping off
with some other man is to chloroform her
every fifteen or twenty minutes during your
married life and entertain the pastor of your
church Yourself
AS to the query whether woman who has
eloped shows bad taste in telegraphing her
husband to send her effects to her, 1 am in
clined to think that her taste is not of the
best quality. She would certainly exhibit
lack of economy by feeding her money to
hungry monopoly for such purpose when
it is so we'll known that an elopement is
always followed by effects. They may not
follow on the fast freight or the limited ex-
press, but they will get there all the same,
provided her husband is progressive man
and capable of making things hum when
his tly-wheel is set in motion. If it were my
case, l am prone to think that the effects
would follow about as soon as L could get
within easy range of the male portion of the
lopement-prOvided,O of course, the hammer
worked all right and the cartridges were of
the spontaneous Sort People differ in
their tastes. however. Some men would be
more deliberate and have great deal more
sport in the long run. If You contemplate
making your debut as an eloper wouldn't
advise you to go to the trouble of telegraph
ing back for your effects, for you might even
tually find yourself in possession of more of
them than you could comfortably handle.
A cold, clammy effect, such as is liable 10
follow an elopement, is about all one
person cares TO bother with. Sol say, don't
waste your time i'll telegraphing, but go right
on making the shroud; for, if your husband
is thorough-going business man, with
steady aim, you will probably have use for
it before you have been clipping around the
country many days
EMMA ABBoTT's LULLABY.
1t is strange that woman who hasn't had
any more practical experience with children
of tender years with lungs above reproach
than EMMA ABBOTT has, can sing lullaby
with sweetness that would quiet buzz saw
or make a Fourth of July celebration feel
drowsy. heard her sing the lullaby from
''Erminie'' last Friday night, ard when she
got under headway in good shape l felt as
though l could lie down III the valley
of the shadow and snore till the
reveille was sounded in the large, broad
hereafter There are only two people now
taking their meals this side of eternity who
can sing lullaby and sing 1t right. One of
them is my mother, the other EMMA ABBOTT.
i haven't forgotten the lullaby that my
mother used to practice on me when 1 was
dividing my time between developing my
lungs and cribbing on the rubber-mOunted
end of a bottle. Under the influence of her
tender voice and her strong right hand 1 was
often lulled to sleep. 1 always preferred the
voice to the hand, however. AS grew older
mothers voice grew stronger. and often has
she trilled soothing lullaby, beating time on
my lower section with a wood-colored baton,
fiat at one end and round at the other.
shall never forget the peculiar sensations
aroused in my pants by my mothers baton.
wish to announce before 1 go any further
that any time EMMA wants to take me in her
arms and sing me to sleep, shall be on the
ground ahead of time. My mother and EMMA
are the only people l would allow to take
such liberties with me, and in permitting it
/ should't feel as though was carelessly toss
ing myself into the arms of some young and
inexperienced person who would let me fall
on the floor and break. In saying this do
not wish to give my readers the impression
that l never was broke, for that would
be false. 1 have been broke on
divers and sundry occasions, but do not
care to be broke by young people who are
not responsible for their actions. 1 occupied
seat last Friday evening between a pale
young man with hair lip and red-headed
woman, who was in other respects highly re-
spectacle. The fact that her hair was red be-
came more noticeable from the fact that /
looked around diligently for white horse,
but there was none in sight, and thought
perhaps might be the only man who had
ever performed that feat. l didn't pay a
great deal of attention to EMMA while she
was disgorging herself of the first few rods of
the lullaby, but pretty soon began to feel as
though l had surreptitiously swallowed a
mild dose of chilblains and l shut my eyes
and let them tickle.
/ made some trivial remark to the young
man with the hair lip, and he said: ''Ex-
trebly extrebly rayishig, / adsure you''
The people around me seemed TO run into
great black mass of creatures without
definite form, out of which grew angels with
wings like snow and faces as radiant as the
sun. Each one carried harp with strings of
gold, and as their fingers swept over them the
air sweiled with music like the murmur of the