The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1887-05-26
The Merry Side !

The Merry Side
MIR. o'Brien's impressions of Canada were
made with brick-bats.
New York is to celebrate "The Queens Jubi-
lee." The fool-killer should be on hand.
-
Spring was a little backward, with her hot
days, but she isn't bit modest now that she is
here.
The drug stores of Toledo are fighting the
Dow Law, because it treats them like any other
doggeries.
The South loves the Yankees just as small
health.
O'Brien says his visit to Canada "came fully
up to his expectations" That's rough on the
Canadians.
Michigan has forbidden the manufacture of
oleomargarine. This will make the fertilizer
companies un easy.
The Democrats are having trouble in finding
a cadidate for Governor. Too many of them
have been there.
Sullivan won't fight any more "until his
arm gets WELL" That good sick arm will save
John many tanning.
People should not worry, this hot weather,
about Mr.. Blaine's health. The old gentleman
has pretty good wind yet.
Minister-"Have you no thought for the fu-
ture?"
Parishioner-"Yes, I've got terbacker enough
to last me all Summer"
-.
Graduate-"It is! I can prove it by the man
who revised it,
Maj. Goodspeed is wailing for his "poor wife" !"
He's probably sorry he didn't take a club in
stead of a sand-bag
John Hempell II st. Louis, killed himself by
pitching half a leg of beer out of window.
The beer was inside of John.
Maj. Goodspeed tried to kill his wife with a
sand-bag made of a sock. Why didn't he just
hold the sock to her nose?
A spirit of Reform has struck Cincinnati.
Only twelve thousand people attended Sunday
game of baseball there, recently.
amount of meat for the French army. 1t will
take every dray-horse in Chicago.
s.+
The circus has passed, and many a poor fell
low will experience a twinge of regret as he
discovers that he has nickel left.
-
a Portsmouth paper says that city "sits
proudly upon the Oil basin.' Probably an old
one, some fellow had thrown away.
The young men at Hillsboro are said to be
organizing to get drunk "just for Spite" Then
they ought to be jailed-just for fun.
An Iowa brewer claimed the protection OF
the Unitee States for his beer. But Iowa de-
stroyed 1T with the power of one State.
Two fools at Lexington, KY, emptied their
revolvers at one another about a dog. The dog
had sense enough to get out OF the way.
A company of Italians sre surrounded by fire,
up in Michigan. The prayers of the wicked
against the Italians, seem to be answered.
The Waverly Watchman asks how New, nan
would do for Democratic candidate for Gov
ernor. Why, b ed do as well as anybody.
What puzzles us is, if everybody was opposed
to Keifer's speaking at the unveiling of the
Garfield statue-how did he get 10 speak?
They are trying man for blasphemy, in New
Jersey, with Col. Ingersoll defending him. Bob
takes a great personal intest in the matter.
A reporter of the New York Tribune was
struck on the cheek by a brick thrown by a
Toronto Orangeman. It shattered the brick.
There is a discussion regarding the physical
condition of the Cincinnati police. They want
thinner men-so they won't snore SO loud.
A good many towns boom up like rockets on
natural gas excitements, In a few years there
will be good many dry sticks lying around.
Wade Ham pton thinks he was restored to
health by the prayers of the people of South
Carolina. The idea of South Carolina Demo
crat being cured by prayer!
Tony Mullane, of the Cincinnati Club:made
the swiftest "home run" of the season, on last
Thursday. He was running from policeman.
Americans are turning their attention to the
construction of fast-sailing vessels. This will
give our Navy great advantage. No ship can
catch it.
One relief in the oppressively hot weather, is
10 sit in the shade and watch horses running
races in the sunshine This is Christian Ma
ton!
Mr.. Blaine, it is said. will make several ad-
dresses in Ireland while over there. Well,
stumping ireland to carry New York may not
be bad, after all.
Ex-Sec'y Bristow has been trading in horses
over in Kentucky. We thought, when he was
candidate for the Presidency, that he would
make a better horse-jockey.
The city marshal, of Streator, ILL.,, tried to
shoot q dog, and hit young lady. That officer
ought to be armed with toy gun, and decor
ated with paper hat.
A Cincinnati Police Commissioner came near
landing a whole court full of witnesses in the
Asylum one day last week. He asked them:
"How often have you seen me drunk"
-
Sam. Randall is in favor of q union of COM
mercial interests between this country and
Canada. Do you want to people Canada with
American book-keepers?
Bickham, of the Dayton Journal, is up in
Lake Erie, hauling out bass while Boynton is
slashing at him with all the fury imaginable.
1t is funny picture.
Gov. Foraker pardoned man ont of the PEN
1tentiary last week, then started over to inter-
view the Paulding county rioters. The rioters
should think of this.
Morris johnson, of Indianapolis, did good
job. Firing revolver at his wife, and missing
her, he placed the muzzle to his own head and
fired. He onght to have fired at himself first
Georgia man was cured of rheumatism by
some fellow shooting into the tree behind
which the man was sitting. But the scare was
about as bad as the rheumatism.
of hou loaar,