The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1887-02-16
MR.. AND MKS. BOWSER.
MRS. BowsER's ACCOUNT OF SOME
FAMILY DISCUSSIONS.

out in spots" The other evening, after
he had lighted cigar and got his feet
braced on the mantel he suddenly OBJ
served:
Mrs. Bowser, has it never occurred
to you to call me Judge9"
"Neverf' l promptly replied, for he
had complained of the biscuit at supper.
"Nor Colonel2"
"No!"
"While 1 could probably have gone
to the Supreme bench, or been commits
stoned Colonel, " he softly continued, II
did not care for the honor. I am not
one, Mrs. Bowser, to clutch at titles in
order to lift myself up, but l didn't
know but it might please you to be
known as Mrs. Judge Bowser."
81 don't want the title"
every well, Mrs. Bowser. If you
have no care for social distinction Pm
sure / haven't. If your ambition is to
plank yourself in the house with that
wall-eyed baby and pay no attention to
the demands OF society might as well
join another lodge"
| felt bit conscience-stricken over
the way had acted, and after awhile
went out and told the cook to call him
Judge when she came in with the last
scuttle of coal. When she came she
managed to bump him to give her an
excuse for saying: Excuse me, Con-
stable--eXcuse meW
There was a solemn silence for five
minutes after she left the room. Then
Mr. Bowser observed:
"Perhaps, on the whole, Mrs. Bowser,
it would be as we'll not to attempt to call
me by any title. Hired help Is so stu
pid, you know2n
On late occasion, as our fireside was
a scene of peace and happiness, Mr..
Bowser softly remarked:
"Mrs. Bowser, whenever it comes
handy you'd better throw out hints to
your lady friends that you were educated
abroad"
"Why9"
"Well, it will increase their respect
for you"
''But l was educated in the little red
school house at Perryville, you know,
and have never been out of the State"
Don't talk so loud, as Jane may be
listening 1 told friend only the
other day that was educated abroad,
and had been through all the art CALLER
les of Europe"
"What place did you say you studied
at2"
Zanzibar"
"'Why, my dear, that's in Africa"
ut is Now that shows what you
know! Zanzibar is in Germany. Mrs.
Bowser, don't want to crow over you
on the subject of education, but when
you display such lamentable ignorance
of geography have to feel glad that my
school days were not wasted"
IL say it's in Africa!"
''Mrs. Bowsern
"And I'll prove it by the atlas !"
'If you do I'll give you $50 in cash"
got out the atlas, and there, over on
the east coast of the Dark Continent was
Zanzibar, as every school child knows.
"Tll take that fifty" quietly re-
'No. you won'tl Some fool of a map
maker has gone and got drunk and
mixed things up, and I'm not going to
pay for it. When / knew that Zanzibar
is in Germtn ny know 1t Just as well as
the atlas or anybody else"
"Did this friend of yours a k you what
old master you preferredW
"Yes, ma'am, and | was posted there,
too. You may think l go sloshing
around with both eyes shut and my
tongue hanging out, Mrs. Bowser, but |
that where you are dead lame. / told |
him I ongfeller."
TAIr. BowserW
"What now! You don't s'pose said /
Sam Patch or Buffalo Bin, do you9" /
"But Longfellow was not painter at |
all, he was poet"
lie drew in his breath u til his face |
was as red as a beet, and he jumped up
and down and tlourshed his arms like a
windmill, and finally got voice to roar
out.
I'll bet you nine hundred thousand
million quadrillion dollars to that old
back comb in your hair Mrs. Bowser,
such assumption and assurance on your
part is uubearablep
"Iane may hear you"
Jane be hanged, and you, tool Mrs.
Bower, / demand an apology for this
insu t!n
"Wait till prove that Longfellow was
not an artist but poet"
IN give you million dollars if you
10 it,"
l got down the volume of poems by
LOuglcllOW WnlCn MT. BOWSef nuu gwen
ne the year before, and then l went to
he encyclopedia and made a tight case
On him. lie was at first inclined TO
give in, but directly he struck the table
such "a blow that baby screamed out.
md then shouted
~ s. how it is You are looking for
Iongfel oy all the time, and l distinctly
stated u at it was Long ttlieyt If the
printers II ye got drunk and left the
lame out am to bllme"
"NIr Bowser, l believe | will say |
vas educated abroad believe l will do
I to please you"
."Oh! you will Well, you needn't do
nything Of the kind Folks would all
know by your freckles that you sat in
he sun in some country school foundry
.Irs Bowser, you've broken up the
,eace of this iireside by your malicious
onduct and you needn't set up for me
o-night | may not come home before
o morrow 2 Detroit Free Press.
A Louisiana Judge decides that a maa
Who loses money at poker may recover
rom the mau who sells him the chips.