River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1887-09-08
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citizen. Our best wishes accompany
him.
SELECT COMPANY.
The late Professor Benjamin Pierce.
long of Harvard College, and later at
the head of the United States Survey,
was at the time of his death one of the
few very great mathematician in the
world. A friend once asked him about
paper of his, "How many men now
alive. do you think, could read that
paper and follow it?'
Half dozen, suppose" was the
answer.-EdItor's Drawer, in Har-
per's Magazine for September
GREAT PERIL.
Brokers' Wife: MY dear, Johnny
needs pair of new shoes"
Prominent Broker chastity reading
telegram): He'll have to wait.
Things look very panicky."
Mercy! Is there a war in pros
pect?"
"Worse."
"Have all the crops failed?"
Worse; little things like that can be
foreseen and provided against. We
may 90 tramping through the streets
begging bread before the week is over
Horrors! What's the matter?"
In spite of the doctors orders Jay
Gould has just eaten cucumber"
PROM DOWN EAST.
Many arguments appeal to the rustic
a n prlanHn hnt fhnpa fs fhaf
never fails-the argumentum al
crumenam.
An elderly farmer and his middle
aged son Sam had been spending the
day at the county fair. When it came
to be time TO go homeward Sam APP
peared, rather the worse for his DAYS
pleasuring.
.'Sam," said his father. "what ails
YEP Hain't We got no sense? | don't
care a cent about yer takin' nipper
or so, but how kin we be such tor
mented fool ez to go and git corned. ez
We be now?"
A CLEAN of trump shone in Sans
watery eve as he answered. ''Wot We
goin' ter do wen folks gin it tn YEP"
There is no reply known in rural
New England TO such reasoning as this.
Editors Drawer, in Harper's
Magazine for September.
ATMOSPHERIC INFLUENCE.
An Austin gentleman asked Gus De
Smith if il was hotter in Austin than
in Galveston. Gus replied that Austin
was much the hottest. The Austin
man said that in Austin the thermometer
did not often go much higher than
ninety.
THAT may be-" responded Gus, "but
it is so cool at Galveston when the
thermometer is ninety that you feel
chilly, and need an overcoat. Editor
Drawer in Harper's Magazine for
September.
THE GANDER GETS GOOSE SAUCE.
Striker Coming home at IL p M
"Biddy, phwere's me support"
Wife: "Oi'vc sthruck. | can't
work. twinty-fom hours a day whin
yersilf won't put in tin.
THE BOOM TOWN.
Citizen Ito city Officially: "Can you
tell me where I'll find the Building
Inspector"
Official: dunno. 'Smatter?"
Citizen: Il just wanted to know if
he had given a permit for third story
on top of the now shaky building
being put up near the corner of Seven
teenth and Champa."
Official: Makes you think sop
Is4;za,. al con Abor,, ,,nlnaHfnor N how
of matches there this morning, and
this being but little lighter grade of
material than that used in the second
story | jumped 10 the conclusion that
there was to be third story.
SUGGESTION.
A Dallas lady was giving her daughter
instructions in etiquette, and how to
acquire n husband.
IF gentleman enters the room,
etiquette demands that you arise from
your seat, and advance a few steps to
meet him with bright, sunny smile"
but suppose no gentleman ever
comes into the room?'
..Then of course YOU don't change
your position; you remain just as you
are "-Editor's Drawer, in Harper's
Magazine for September.
NO REGARD FOR HER FEELINGS.
An Austin family has a cOlored ser
want that. while very attentive to her
duties. has never been known to give
anybody a clever answer. Purely as
an experiment the lady of the house
| bought her a new calico dress, and
gave it to her. saying.
Il am glad to have the pleasure,
Matildy, of giving you this dress"
Yer mout hab had dat pleasure long
ago. eff yer had had any regard 70 my
feelings" was the gracious reply
Editors Drawer. in Harper's Maya
zine for September.
AN IGNORANT EDITOR.
Editor-..I should think your repor-
tiers would have sense enough not to fill
up with beer before writing, such
weather as this especially"
Local editor-.'They don touch any
thug stronger than lemonade while on
duty
Nonsense. The man who wrote
this article was as drunk as boiled
owl"
THAT. sir, is : portion Of a report of
discussion at the Concord School Of
Philosophy"
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