Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1887-07-15
HE DIDN'T HAVE 'EM.
HIS WIFE FAILED TO RECLAIM
WILD BILL OF KANSAS.

HIS WIFE FAILED TO RECLAIM
WILD BILL OF KANSAS.
"WiId Bill was a good shot, was
he not p
"With the six-shOOter he was
simply wonderful. In my entertain
ment give an illustration OF a
double shot he made out at at
Hays City, Kas., in the early days,
when he shot two soldiers, one IN
front of him and one directly be-
hind him, each endeavOrlng to
shoot him before he could draw his
gun. He killed one and mOrtally
wounded the other, and the two
reports OF his revolver seemed al
most as one. The marvellous feat
was the talk of the country for a
long time. In fact, when ] came
by there a few days ago, one of the
old residents who witnessed the
killing mentioned it to me, and
said he could scarcely believe 1t
even after seeing it. Bill never
missed his mark. | have seen him
take a pistol in each hand and fire
with right and left pistol at a can
thrown in the air, hitting it with
both bullets. BY the way, heard
very funny story told on Bill
some time ago. If you remember,
he married Mrs. Agnes Lake,
widow of Lake, the circus man.
Bill fairly worshipped his wife
but, despite his great love for her,
she never could induce him to quit
drinking. He would come home
full of bad whlskey, and one day
Mrs. HickOk said to him
"'Bill, if you don't quit this
drinking pretty soon, you Will
actually begin to see monkeys
"NIonkeys" SAID he. 'What do
you mean, little one ?
"'Whv, you know, when people
back East drink too much Of the
kind Of whiskey they get back
there they see snakes, but this
awful stuff out here makes them
see monkeys
"Bill laughed at her, and did not
give the matter a second thought.
little dreaming that she had put
up a job to break him of his in
temperate habits. There was a
tame monkey in the town-Chey-
enne, believe it was-and Mrs.
Hickok had induced its owner to
loan it to her for a night. Bill
came hom rat night comfortably
drunk, ana ter he had gone to
sleep his wife secured the monkey
and chained 1t to the foot OF the
bed. Then turning down the light
a little, she too retired and awaited
results. Bill woke up IN the night
burning with thirst, and raised up
into a sitting posture, intending to
get out of bed and get a drink OF
water. There, perched up on the
footboards, was the monkey, star
ing him in the face with hideous
crImaces. He rubbed his bleared
eyes, looked again and a horrible
suspicion came into his helnddled
brain. Had his wife told him the
trnth? Did he really have 'em
Finally, he sprang out on the floor,
seized his six shooter, which lay
on a table near, levelled it at the
creature and SAID &:
"'Now, old man, if you are a
monkey you are in bad fix; if you
amt a monkey Pm in a bad fix
At the same instant he fired, and
the monkey fell oyer in the agonies
of death. His wife, who had been
watching the working OF he'
scheme, sprang up in bed with a
scream, and Bill, turning to bel
with a broad smile of the most in
tense satisfaction, said:
"Little woman, congratulate
me. for | have just had wonder
ful escape. l amt as drunk as
thought was, an here's a monkey
lyin' there on the floor thatll neve
intrude itself into the dOmestl'
felicity of another happy family
| an make a gentleman think he
got the jimiams. .'"-KGnsds Cit
Times.