The benevolent banner., 1887-07-09

Bound to work-The apprentice.

DOUND 10 WOEh-Au6 apprentices
A FLOATING debt IA mortgaged
steamboat.
THE age in which to marry-The
parsonage.
APosTRoPHE to the gas-meter-You're
right, In the main.
IT is no honor, credit, or profit to
cheat a person who knows less than you
.-Pomeroy's Democrat
CHARIDY vas one of der cardinal
firtues-so vas q red-headed female
vimmens,-PretzePs Weekly.
The wolf in the fable was in q meas
ure related to the sheep focks he de-
vastated, as he came in lambs kin.
QUEER-is it not t?-that base ball
should depend very much upon the
pitcher and cricket upon the bowl.
A BALD-HEADED expression is gener-
ally better understood than a long
haired one.-Pomeroy'S Democrat
SOMETHING peculiar about match.
No matter how you drop it, it always
lights upon its head-if it lights at all.
WHEN Longfellow wrote "Try not to
pass, the old man said" he must have
had premonition of the Interstate
law.
WHEN did Gen. George Washington
have his first ride in public carriage?
When he took hack at the cherry
tree.
WHAT an anomaly we perpetrate
when we speak of the "waist of timo, !"
since time never "stays. ."-TerGs Sift-
ingS.
He must have been teetotaler who
invented the terms of liquid measure.
since he "scruples" to take dram. - =
Teras SJti1ags.
"SAY, didn't you tell me when you
sold me that dog that he was bird
dog?" eyes, that's what said. -" well,
you swindled me. THAI dog won't
hunt. "I didn't say he would hunt.
He's bird-dog. Cook the birds for
him. That's the way he likes them
best. "-Neaonaa1a INDEPENDENT
Mrs BLoBsoN was mixing some medi-
cine for Mr.. Blobson, who was sick,
when she was astonished to see her
husband wink at her in very emphatic
manner. "What do you mean by wink
ing at me in that manner, Mr.. Blobson ?"
she demanded. "F-force of habit,
stammered Mr.. Blobson; "No, no-I
don't mean that! I mean 1 have got
something in my eye." well, ]
haven't" responded Mrs. B. with
asperity y.-Ba1rlingto1a Free Press.
SEVERAL years ago Elder Blodgett
preached on Sundays at new Dakota
town on the lower Missouri. On week
days he followed the vocation of horse
dealer. One Sunday after taking his
place in the pulpit he said: "My
friends, am requested to announce
that the sewing society will meet at
Sister Smiths Tuesday afternoon. The
Foreign Mission Society will meet Fri
day evening, and a prayer meeting will
be held in this house Wednesday even
ing. Immediately after the service to-
day there will be horse trot in my
back pastures, All are invited to tarry.
Let US join in singing the twenty fourth
hvnon DnLof0 Roll
FRESH FROM THE CHURN.
Many drink lager, whether peasant or banker,
While some are addicted to brandy and gin;
1 admit that for drinks of that kind I don't
banker
And for whisky or beer don't care a pin.
For I've got a bev'rage as ancient as splendid,
Which many, no doubt will sneer at and
spurn:
With sweetness and light" my tipple is
blended
A bowl full of butteymilk fresh from the churn.
Friends and companions, preach revival,
And now from my lips this true lesson learn
There 8 no drink on earth can compare with or
rival
bowl full Of buttermilk fresh from the churn.
In mud or in rnire you never will wallow,
And you'll save oil the wages you honestly
earn,
If-whenever you're dry you'll take for a swai-
low
A bowl full Of buttermilk fresh from the cbnrn
Grip.
Thackeray on Dickens.
Have you read Dickens? OI II 10