The Hawaiian gazette., 1887-07-26
Some Railway HuInor.
LUeUBRrous.

Ll1ObhNOJS-
very fair attempt at Joke of the
lugubrious kind was once committed
bv guard on one of the short Mid
land lines. The company was very
small and very poor. and it was Just
little more than they could do to make
ends meet at the yearly day of reckon
ing, There were not many convent
eRes for the passengers, and indeed
they were not quite so much cared for
as the goods in the wagons that were
mixed up with the carriages. As for
the guard, at some OF the stations on
the line he was ticket-clerk. station
master, psssenger-porter and goods
porter all IN one. Just before leaving
the junction on a certain day, fussy
passenger called him to the window.
Look here, guard" he said; why
don't You have foot-warmers IN these
carriages? We shall get our death of
sold" well. you see,n responded
The guard, lone of our directors is a
doctor, another is q chemist and an
other is a tombstone mason; and you
know in this world people must live
and let live. So, you see" "All
right, guard; go ahead. You ought
to have had another director coffin
maker, and then we could have got up
special catastrophe for the benefit of
the directorate I'VE have a coffin
maker among them, sir; but 1 thought
1t would be too suggestive TO mention
him "Ah! well it is rather suggest
I've" said the passenger. so what
Z Gou think Of an accident. for the
d benefit of your mixed lot of
da9 rs" Express did you say?"
asked the guard. "Ahl you have not
been on this line before, or You would
Tot talk like that Why, sir. we don't
so fast enough to come to any harm.
even If we ran off the lines; and as for
3 collision. that Is an impossibility.
for our only other engine is LAID up
with twisted cylinder and broken
Wheel"
BISHOPS JOKE.
Railway men are not celebrated. like
cabmen. for instance. for having much
power in the way of repsrtee, but now
Snd then they are the occasion of it
II others At certain station por
ter promptly offered assistance to
bishop. who was more often out Of his
diocese than his people liked. He
was a humorist, liked continental trips.
and carried q good deal Of luggage
with him. How many articles. your
Iordship?" asked the porter. Thirty
nine, replied the bishop with 3 twin
~ IN his eve. That's too many. I'm
y afraid. your lordship." said the man
stohdly and in perfect good faith.
Abr responded the bishop dryly. L
perceive that You are q dissente. Aud
the porter didn't see the joke.
'roING" TIE COMPANY.
This density was well shown on the
North London Railway not long since.
A passenger remarked IN the hearing
Of one Of the companys servants how
|, e II was 10 dc" as he called It, the
COMPANY. He declared that he had
often taken them IN. The servant was
on the alert in moment; thought he
had got a case. and determined 70
! make the most Of II. He listened.
81 have often" said the passenger 10
his companion. gone from Broad
Street to Dalston Junction without
ticket. Any one can do It. easily; I
did II myself yesterday" When he
got ont of the train. the servant OF
the company followed after. and
wanted to know how 1t was done. AT
first the passenger would not give the
information; but at last, for q little
monetary consideration. he agreed
The money was paid. Nov" asked
the official. how did you manage to
get from Broad street to Dalton June
ton without Gckettr 'r0h," said
the passenger with smile, i simply
walked the distance That railway
servant grimly saw the joke, but felt
that be had paid for It rather dearly.
CONCLUSIVE.
On the old Stockton and Darling
ton Railway. IN the days when that
company took the preachers Of the
gospel st half-priee Ike children, one
Of the ticket-el when asked for 8
minister's ticket by somewhat III
clericai-loo6ng man. expressed g
doubt as To his profession I'll read
YOU one Of my sermons. if YOU doubt
A M TT