Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1887-06-30
Bottle & jug.
AN ALLEGoRY.

Bottle & jug were silent partners,
doing business all over town, with
headquarters in a shady cellarway
One evening it fell out that they fell
into conversation concerning themselves
and their business. "There is nc
doubt" said the jug. "but that you
and run the earth; but l think my
name ought to come first in the firm.
To be sure you are more of q dandy
than l am, but just look at the work |
have to do. Monday morning ! went
to Joe Nathan's and they filled me up
with maple syrup, and l felt nice and
sleepy like; but Tuesday they rushed
me over to Ivey & Webb's and poured
me full of vinegar so that all night
suffered with cramps. Wednesday,
Thursday and Friday 1 went to John
Schreiner's. Morse & Willey's, Captain
Baxter's and Erskine McCoy's and had
my internal climate changed with all
all sorts of filings. Saturday the old
oil can over there in the corner sprung
a leak and small boy dragged me TO
Thomas & Basford's and they gave me
an injection of kerosene. Now l have
night sweats. I've got the rt-burn,
too, and my liver Is out of order, and l
don't feel as if am long for this world,
so want my name to go at the head
of the firm. jug & Bottle will sound
just as well as Bottle & jug"
my dear old jag" said Bottle, in a
concillatory tone, t'you are out of sorts
tonight. You were built to do just
what you are doing, and it is not half
as bad as you represent. Why, when
YOU were full of syrup the other day l
saw the new hired girl pour some out
of you and then kiss your lips. o, jug,
brace up and enjoy the blessings that
fall to you. Talk about work, you
should be in my place for while.
Rheubarb, ipecac and quinine at Bar
ber's. Hair dye, linseed oil and rat
poison at Stone s. Hasselrs. Then I've
been fishing twelve times this season.
Day-before-yesterday went along with
q fellow and his girl to a picnic. Twas
between them, and, o, jug, was in
tight quarters. In the evening l and
the fellow attended another sort of
picnic up in back room. My head
aches yet, but
"Who counts the cost when tables groan
And round the fagon passess
Let care beneath the boards be thrown,
Among the broken glasses.
Yet when through shutters closely barred
Peeps in the morning grey time,
One toast the more can but retard
The fast approaching pay time.
o,Jug, my head-my head-my head!
You'll get your wish-for I'll be dead
Withthishouible, narrowing, bowling head
Eyes, jug. feel that in the natural
course of coming events you will be the
head of this firm. You are so stupid
and slow that death couldn't get grab
on you inside of three centuries. There
is fine little poem will"
30, Bottle, let up. You will talk my
arm off. Your poetry is abominable
and it makes me sick. Your breath
smells of Holland gin and free lunch
counters. That red plaster on your
back with cross-bones aud skull on it
signifies that you will live always.
Don't talk tome any more or I'll fall
on YOU"
bah! old Jugy-old kerosene sweats
and picklesr'
A rat ran behind the quarrelsom pair
and a cat in pursuit of it knocked them
both off into the cellar when they were
to atoms. Moral-Poli-
ticians can find plenty to quarrel about.
but the ''rat'' falls to the quiet. watch
full cat. Silence is golden.