St. Paul daily globe. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1884-1896, 1887-11-27
A CONFIDENTIAL TALK.
Regulate Yourselves.

w HIT Siiill we 40 WIFI our boys anu
girls? Why, bless you, We'll do with
them just as we have been doing for the
! past hundreds years. When they are
| babies we'll squeeze and kiss and spank
them Ill turn, and when they get to be
boys and girls we'll spank the former
! and squeeze and kiss the latter.
Don't worry your head about what to
j do with the boys and girls. This is too
| late day to raise question like that.
| The citizens of America have been dill
| gently engaged i'll rearing boys and
| girls ever since the MaytiOwer came
! across the ocean and dumped a mixed
cargo of human beings on Plymouth
rock, and up to the present time our
| boys and girls lay away over those of
| quality peculiar to human beings Of
| their age. There is nothing the matter
with our boys and girls. They're
| smarter, cleaner, saucer and health
Ter than any other boys and
| girls on earth. and they're getting
more so each generation. Our boys and
| girls are all right,a there isn't we'll
regulated mother or father this side of
eternity who is bothering his or her
head about what they are going to do
with their boys and girls. They go
right on from day to day teaching them
honest and honorable principles, keep
ing them neat, keeping their minds
clean, and when they're old enough
they'll do for themselves.
Taking the liberty at this point to in
dulge in little slang, wish to say that
there are no flies on our boys and girls.
Ihey get to be men and women earlier
than the boys and girls of any other
nation. They are huStlers from the
cradle to the grave. They're independ-
ent, and, almost before you know it,
they're self-supp0rting. Don't waste
your time wondering what we shall do
with our boys and girls.
If there is anybody who needs partic-
ular attention it is our fathers and moth
erS. Regulate that old coon who leaves
his family i'll the evening and goes down
town to join the boys in a streaking ex-
cursiOn, and. after the streaking is COM
pleted to his satisfaction, staggers home,
falls up against the front door, gets
tangled up with the hat rack in
the hall, puts his night shirt on
over his business suit and goes to bed
with his boots on. There are gray hairs
ON his head. His wisdom teeth have
been pulled for some time, and he is
long overdue at prayer meetings and
other gatherings that look towards the
welfare of the immortal portion OF man
kind in the hereafter, but he gets there
just the same.
Look after that young fellow who has
been husband two years and father
one, who gets up from the supper table,
kisses the baby on his lips, his wife Oh
the forehead, and goes down town to
play billiards and uphOlster his breath
with the bright, soft, pliable fumes of
VIII l.
wife has sung the baby to sleep and has
sunk to rest herself. and then goes home
to give the entire family nervous pros
tration by falling over all the furniture
III the house and SmOthering the baby
with his incOherent breath
Keep your eye on that middle-aged
machine who is more clearly welded to
his business than he is to his wife, and
who thinks more of dollars and cents
than he does of his children.
Just rectify that old grandmother who
tries to make herself look young and
giddy by daubing her face with ruddy
glow kept on tap at all drug stores at so
cents glow, and tries to give her
grandchildren the impression that they
were born long time before she was.
Reform that young mother who hires
damp nurse to take her baby off her
hands, while she devOtes herself to
riding around town alongside of
mOnkey-faced poodle that looks like
new kind of carpet-sweeper, and uses
beliadOnna to make her eyes look large,
broad and soulful, like one of RIDER
HAGGARD's plots.
Beat some sense into the head of that
middle-aged mother who had rather drug
her baby with paregoric and soothing
syrup than to sing it to sleep, and who
wears the heels of her shoes in the hol-
lows of her feet to make them look
small, and who goes to balls and recep-
tons heavily draped from her waist up
in a pair Of delicate satin, hand-painted
shoulder straps. and who repents for all
the sins and follieS of year during
Lent.
Get that mother to stay home por-
ton of the time who whistles up to the
nursery through speaking tube, asks
how the baby is; orders the nurse to kiss
him for her and then goes out to spend
the afternoon in driving around the city
and strewing the parlOrs of the principal
residences with her cards. just to let the
people know that she has got no hold on
heaven, but when 1t comes to the queS-
ton of style she is still in the ring
Our boys and girls are all right. Just
let them alone. father and mother, and
pay a little more attention to your
selves. Don't worry about your boys
and girlS-WOrry about yourselves, and
the first thing you know You'll see your
boys and girls develop into men and
women who will wreathe your furrowed
brOwS with crown of honest pride as
you slowly and happily go down to the
dust from which you have risen.
Tom HOJNES