Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1887-08-31

experience. we are a little shy about tast-
ing them for the first time, but Mr.. Fitz-
hugh always comes heroically to the rescue
and acts the food censor to perfection"
"Yes,n said the big brother, trying to be
agreeable "that he does. The girls re-
mind me of Robinson Crusoe. You know
whenever he found anything he was not
quite sure of its being poison or not, ne al
ways first tried it on a monkey"
AN UNFEELING REMARK.-Mrs. Yer
ger-"I believe I will accompany. our
daughter, Clara to the ball this evening"
Col. Yerger-"What is your object!"
"When the people see how beautiful she
is they will say: 'How lovely her motner
must have looked when she was young"
mo, that's not what they will say"
"What will they say"
t"When they see you at the pail Witn
Clara they will say, See how ugly Clara
will be when she gets to be as old as her
mother"
"Oh, you brute"
t9r George had proposed and been &C.
hWell,n she said, 81 can sing and play
on the piano and harp, can paint, at
the seminary / was up in the fine arts n
political economy and logic, and l can
crochet beautifully and play lawn tennis,
and-and that's about all, l think. Now
tell me: what are some of your accom-
plishments, George ?'
ST haven't got any"
"Not q single one? ?"
"WelI," he said, with a sigh, III the
worst should come to the worst, L think 1
might be able to cook"
The END NOT YET.-Young man Ito
sexton at church door, -"Isn't the SER
mon nearly done?"
Sexton-"About an hour yet. He is
ONLY on his "Lastly!""
Young man-Will it take him an hour
to get through his "Lastly!'"
Sexton-"No; but there's the zone more
word and I am DONE" and the "Finally,'"
and the "In conclusion" to come yet.
Don't get impatient, young man! Your
girl won't spoil"
@- making good resolutions and then
breaking them ruin a mans character"
said Rjenks, philosophically, land I'm
notygoing to ruin my character in that
way any MORE"
"Oh, my DEAR" said Mrs. Bjenks, "Tm
80 glad to hear you say that. You won't
break your good resolutions after this will
you, dear?"
"No, my darling" said Bjenks, heroic
ally, II won't After this Pm not going
to make any,"
GOOD GRoUNDs.-"Do you think you
will gain your lawsuit 2" asked Gus de
Smith of Col. Yerger, who had been run
over by a fire engine, and was sueing the
City of Austin for damages.
"Yes, I think I'll come out ahead"
"Has your lawyer given you grounds to
think 500"
"No, but I have given him grounds to
think 80. I've decided him two lots on
Austin avenue as a fee.
COULD DO SOMETHING FOR HER,
"Tongue cannot tell how much I love you,
Miss Clara" he said. II would do any
thing in the world for you"
"Would your" she asked, YEARLY.
"Try me-"
"Well 60 and spend the evening with
Lily Brown"
"Lily Brownw What for? he asked,
astonished.
II hate her." ?
SEEDS WHICH BRING FORTH SONGS
"You must not waste the bird-seed, Char
ley" said a kind mother to her only son,
who was busily engaged in planting a
handful of seeds.
81 amt wasting it, mamma"
ITO be sure you are, Charley. What on
earth do you expect to raise from those
canary seeds?"
"Why, me guess I raise some canary
birds.?"
A THOUGHTFUL BoY.-Stern Parent
Johnny, come inside this instant. I in
tend to chastise you severely"
Johnny-"Please, pa, I'd rather you'd
whip me out here where all the neighbors
can see me-"
"What, you young rascal, do you want
me to disgrace myself?"
"No, pa, but want the folks to see that
you amt killing me when 1 YELL"
Too EGoTIsTICAL.-"Sir, I hear you
using the word donkey very frequently in
your conversation"
eyes, your ears do not deceive you"
Gam 1 to understand that you apply the
word to me?
"Why, what makes you harbor such an
unjust suspicion? Don't you know that
there are lots of donkeys in the world be-
sides you?"
~ Deacon-Well, my boy, do you see
any change in your father since he joined
the church?
Boy-You bet! When he used ter 60
eunnin' on Sunday he would just t'row
his gun over his shoulder and walk off as
large as life, not carin' for any one; but
Deacon-Now-
Boy-Why, he hides the gun under his
coat and sneaks out the back way.
EASY TO IDENT1FY.-Coroner-Your
brother, I hear, has drowned himself in
the river.
Uncle Joe-Yes, I spec he has. Ben
mighty low-spirited lately.
"Describe him so the body may be iden-
titled if found" ,
"Dat's easy huff. He was deaf and
dumb sence he was bo'n."
VALUABLE IN AN EMERGENCY.-Jack:
s'Is that a valuable ring you've got on,
Gus?"
Gus: "I've pawned it for $75."
Jack: "You don't say SOP"
Gus: eyes. Seventy-ive times. Dol
lar each time"