Wichita eagle. [volume] (Wichita, Kan.) 1886-1890, 1887-02-01
A DYING HUMORIST.
REMlNlSCENcE OF ARTEMUS WARD
BEFORE A LONDON AUDIENCE.

f.6WtFNtSScNSc Vt s>ht CMOO WF>NO
BEFORE A LONDON AUDIENCE.
The Pitiful Ravages Of . Deadly Disease.
Clergymen In the Audience-Thc Moon
Out of Fix.The Ice Broken at Last.
His Death In q Foreign Land.
/ shall never forget the last time / saw Ar
temus Ward. We were in London, my bus
band and myself, and learning from friend
that our Yankee humorist was to lecture one
night in Egyptian hall we determined TO be
among his hearers. / had heard him several
times in America, and was anxious to see how
an English audience would respond TO his
New World drollery, his unequaled humor.
1t was with the hope that We might meet
him and have little chat together that we
went quite early, but though we were among
the first who gathered there that night he
was nowhere to be seen till the lecture COM
menced
The people came in in struggling fashion
and occupied the front seats and those in the
body of the house The hall was little more
than half full l remember the lights seemed
dim, the distances dark and solemn and the
architecture dismal il the extreme The hall
was like huge tomb built for the reception
of dead and gone Pharaohs. On settee not
far from our party five gentlemen sat to
gether. l fancied they were clergymen, end
had come with the avowed intention of sit
ting out the exercises il grave and dignified
silence.
THE RAvAGEs or DISEASE
When Artemus made his appearance it was
,c-,1 L. IL,
one short year. His face was thin and pallid,
his hollow eyes glistAed with a light mex
pressibly painful, and held that strange ex-
preston peculiar to consurnptives, as one
looking outside the world. Even as he spoke
he caught his breath. evidently il pain, and
pressed his hand to his side.
Ny husband turned to me with the brief
sentence, The man is dying!' and SO he was.
With one expressive glance about the place,
scanning ceiling, lights, shadows and semi
darkness, the man took a step forward, and
commenced in his usual hating speech and
assumed timidity of manner:
"When the Eyyptians-built this hall-the
principles of acoustics were not fully under
stood-neither, it is presumable, had the mat
ter of ventilation been very extensively-ven-
tilatedn
There was q smile OF the faces Of many, but
nothing more-and yet the hurnor OF the
thing was exquisite l could not keep my eyes
from the five clergyInen, who sat shoulder 10
shoulder, like so many sleek. soft coated seals.
Not trenor betrayed that they We're con-
scious of muScles-their faces were stern, their
lips compressed, their brows unbending. Their
stolidity possessed a fascination for rae that
even Artemus Wards ininitable parsonage
could not shake off. Again and again his odd
fancies provoked from our party both laugh
ter and tears, but still that clerical conclave
sat it out, and did not even smile. Could il.
possibly be that they were oblivious Of the
subtle wit OF his burIesque. the rare changes
in his face?
Presently the moon appeared in his comical
little panorama, wavered tret:lbled like a
boat struck By a sudden squall md then hung
as if suspended, limp and ruotionless on some
lunar hoo1, midway between sea and sky.
Artemus looked quizZically over 70 those
five clergymen- / think he had seen them all
the time out of tee corners OF his eyes,
LOOKING AFTER HIS NOON
III you will excuse me, gentleman hs
said. imprcssively. Il VIII go out md see to
my moon. think the moonist. small boy,
fat boy by the way. an English lad, vino Is
to nightly manage my celestial apparatus,
has got cranky or gone to sleep-possibly it
may be because the audience Il 50 small to-
night, though appreeiativo"-hereat long pause
that he is afraid | shall cut him short two
ard sixpence;" ard with that he went behind
the scenes, perhsps, poor fellow, to gain mo
ment's respite from pain, and TO catch his
breath, for he was painting with the exert;oa
Of talking, even then
There was evidently an effort Oh the psfs
Of the five TO keep from smiling during this
speech, and while ArternUs was gono the
moon righted itself with tremendous effort.
and glared in such unique fashion that frs.
one and finally all my five stocks ard stones,
as / had mentally denominatcd them, re-
lapsed into audible laughter. and their white
chokers began 70 wrinkle.
Artsmus came back: he glanced at the side
seats, and saw that the ica was broken Il
was what he had been waiting and working
for, and it seemed that the triumph gave
him new life. From that moment thoso
five men were slaves Of bis hunor They
laughed till they cried, and most certainly
the brilliant Snowman outiid himself Every
movement, every glance provoked peals Of
laughter. It was as il. having put restraint
upon themselves so long, they were eager 70
make up for IL was satisfied The gifted
son Of America wss at last appreciated, and
thong b the applause came late, il did corre.
and Artemus Ward went horas happy
Some few days after that friend cal!ai 10
SEQ the hunlorist He wes sick and clrnos.
specifies, yet managed TO repea. some wit
ticism about his sands Of life terminating On
a sand bar, and spoke reeretfuily Of never
expecting to SEQ his native land again.
Hs never did-the next day - was dead
Mary Dcrlisru In Ee7y York Gra-lhie.