The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-08-18
Mashes of fun.
The centre of

The centre Of gravity-Newton.
The sigh of a. seamstress-A-hem!
An inquirer asked off it is legal in this
country for a nan to marry his widows
sister," r
d.. Wherein manufactures differ from
clocks: It is the hands which strike in the
former. ~
John says the gain of his flock of sheep
may be called a weather profit. Goodfor
eve, John. 3a-I- s.1f g. saos i az
Ahomely woman has some advantage
over a beautiful one 1t is possible for
other women to love her. 5>-a
Kisses are the right kind of smack to.
sail down the stream of life with, al
though taking a buss is not bad. '-s
"Can February March ?" asked the
~punster, with sicky smile perhaps
not" replied the quiet man, but April
May" 1D0Uu kJ0et. a
,-20n entering the asylum fol, inebriates,
he said: edo you treat drunkards here?'
ayes, sir" "Well, I'm one. Where's
YOU bar p, Y.n.i
':"Papa,," said d Baltimore miss to her
father, "'where do they catch red her
rings? !" "Oh, nay dear, "Ireplied1he, Gin
the Red Sea, to be sure'fq. at ii
aa3sA little girl lately wrote to her friend:
yesterday a little baby sister arrived,
and papa is IN a Journey. 1t was but a
piece of luck that mamma was at home
70 folio eara of til
A Kansas man points with PRIDE to
the fact that his wife has worn one bon
net for twenty-five years. The feeling
with which the. wife points to the hus-
band has not been described.
Young housekeeper to her grocer: II
bought three or four hams here a couple
of months ago, and they were very fine.
cer.-"Yes, ma'am; there are ten of
those hams hanging up there" care
you sure they're off the same pigw
ayes, ma'am." "Then I'll take three of
them"
Little Jenny's big sister is entertaining
Mr.. Skibbers, and thinks she can get
along without any assistance; so she pats
the little one on the head, and says:
"Come, little pet, it's time your eyes
were closed in Sleep" Guess not
said Jenny. "Mother told me to keep
my eyes open when you and Mr.. Skibbers
were togetherI"
beautiful" said the drummer.
"Sixty birds in two hours, and only
missed two Shots"
A quiet gentleman sitting in a corner
of the hotel office put down his paper,
rushed across the room and grasped him
warmly by the hand.
"Allow me to congratulate you, sir,
he said, ri am a professional myself"
professional sportsman
"No; professional liar
South African juries are not always
very wise. A girl was charged at the
Riversdale Circuit Court with administer
ing poison to the family which she served.
The first verdict returned was murder"
Impossible" said the Judge; no n has
returned with a verdict Of "suicide |"
"But the girl is still ~alive!" expostulated
the Judge. On this the jury gave it up,
and returned with a verdict of Mot
guiltyI'-Lomdon Truth. -
A Philadelphia, who was the father
of very cross twins, was enjoying a brief
rest about midnight, when he was aroused
by a vigorous pounding upon the door
and the jangling of the bell. =
whats the matter, he yelled, as he
stuck his head out of the window and
saw a policeman.
"Your house is on fire." was the reply.
ooh, is that all?" I thought from the.
noise you have been making that both
babies had the collie again.-PhdadepA6a
Chronicle.
at hope, Johnnie" said the Sunday
school teacher to her new scholar, "that
your father and mother are good Chris
tians." "Well ma is" replied Johnnie,
IAN pa used to be, but | guess he is lit
tie out of practice now"
First lady, to bosom friend: "Our:
friend Melanie is dreadfully ~extravigant
Do you knowI found on, her washstand
the other day no fewer than ten tooth
brushes ?" Second lady: Perfectly ruin
Gus extravigance! One toothbrush for
every tooth she's got!"
"Tompkinson," said a somewhat rapid
travelling man to a friend, whose tastes
and habits were much like his own, I'm
very, much worried" st4aesa
ct wouldn't cultivate it, my dear fell
low. But what's the trouble. :.
""Debts. I'm overwhelmed with them.
| can't turn a corner without running into
a creditor. There's the halter, and the
tailor, and the gents furnisher, and the
florist, and the livery man-infact I don't
~EI1 L r.A - F.