The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1887-04-08
sowsER AND THE BABY.


ne Mother - the Little CheFub Relat04
sone Of Her Triaas and Tribulstions.
may have heretofore mentioned tho
| fact that Mr.. Bowser and l do not ex-
actly agree as to how baby should be
brought up. l think he is a very I'M
reasonable father in various instances
He came home one day when baby was
only three months old and found him
crying.
..Mrs. Bowser. that baby's got
corns! exclaimed Mr.. Bowser, a. he
hung up his hat
.COrns?"
"Yes. corns! You act az If you never
heard of corns. Put him down while I
examine his feet"
1.-The idea! Who ever heard of
baby three months old having cornss''
There's good deal in this world
you never heard of. Mrs. Bowser. Put
the young un down."
He examined the baby's feet, pulled
his toes apart, and of course he didn't
find any corns. knew he wouldn't
"Then what is he bawling about?''
he persisted.
'.Babies always cry more or less"
'They do, Ell? Well. if this one
doesn't cry less I'll find some way To
make him! shall hold him RESPONSE
bic from this day out"
Our baby had the hives. as every
other baby has. Mr. Bowser came
home and found me holding the child
and mother preparing some warm
drink. There were the blotcfies and
pimples. but baby wasn't even fretting-
whats the matter of that young
monkey now?" demanded Mr.. Bowser.
as he caught sight of the pimples.
"Only the hives. my dear"
"Only! Have you had the doctor?''
"Why. no. There is 10 need of
doctor"
.Isn't there! Mrs. Bowser. that may
be hives. and it may be smallpox. 1t
looks more like the latter disease to me.
II that young un has gone and brought
the smallpox into this house 1 warn
him to look out for himself! I'm low
ing husband and fond father and all
that, but propose to draw line with
my children. l shall draw it at small
pox.
'.Mr. Bowser" said my mother, '.you
should not get unduly excited. his
is only a case of the hives. This child
has yet to go through with measles.
chicken-pox. whooping-cough and
several other kindred diseases or all.
ments.
He has. Ell! He proposes to keep
this house upset for the next eight or
ten years. does he? Never! I'll lug
him out this very night and lay him on
somebody's doorstep
Baby was five months old before Mr..
Bowser suddenly discovered that he
was bald-headed. He was holding the
child ut the time. and he rolled him
into the crib and called me from the
foot of the stairs:
..Mrs. BOwser. for Heavens sake
come down here as fast as you cam
What is it?'' asked as hurried
down.
why, this internal young un's bald
headedr'
as that all: Why. thought you
had dropped him.
as that all! Isn't that enough? He
might as well die at once Think Of
the ridicule that will be heaped upon
my child from the very hour he is able
to toddle to the door! Grown people
will take him for some little old man
who was sawed off for dwarf. and
children will yell: .Bald-headed Bow
SER at him. Imagine our feelings ~
We hear the street gamins shout: Old
Bowser. where's your bald-headr And
it has come to this''
..Give the baby chance. my dear"
"Chance! Chance! Haven't 1 give
him every possible show since he was
born? Hasen't he been the direct
and only cause Of my losing fifteen
pounds weight in four months?''
But his hair will come out, He'll
have a good head of hair when he's .
year old"
..Oh. he will! Yes. If he knows
what's good for him he will. He's my
child. of course have got the feeling
of father, but sooner than have him
grow up bald-head. I'd abandon . ID
disOwn him.
One day soon after found baby's
scalp red and irritated. and the cook
informed me that she saw Mr. Bowser
fussing around the crib. called linn
in from the back yard and charged him
with sinister designs, and know from
his guilty manne.s that he had been
trying some Of his nOstrums warranted
70 make hair grow.
On another occasion, when / was
giving baby bath, Mr.. Bowser hap
pened in, and it wasn't minute be-
fore Mr.. Bowser had made up his
mind that the child's feet were too
large.
Nonsense. Mr.. Bowser. His feet are
all right See how chubby and healthy
they are"
Eyes. and gaze upon their size! I
tell you. he was cut out for a giant!
In two years my boots won't fit him.
'.Pshawr'
'You may pshaw all you will. but
he's going to be a monstrosity. Il
won't be five years before you'll sea
an advertisement in the papers read
ing:
GREATEST WONDER
-oH rHE NINErRKyIH CRSrrRY!
~9ig Footed Bowser. son Of Old Man and Old
Woman Bowser. Of Detroit
~ of Gpfa IN