Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1887-10-12

This is the open season IN oysters.-Loe'
Ell Courier.
The hardest blows of the year-the
equiknocks.-C0ium6Us Dispatch.
This world would be q very great world
if it were not so wasteful Of its money
Louisville CoGrier-JOUrRGl.
There may be foreign matter in the
chicken pie, but the restaursnteur will
never reveal it-BOStOR Transcript.
Cardinal Newman says a gentleman is
one who never iDflicts pain. This is rough
on the dentists Omaha World.
The dishonest butcher is always willing
to meat his customers half-weight.-BOStOR
Transcript.
One good way to avoid being sunstruck
is to keep the elbows perfectly straight
Philadelphia NeUS.
Bob Garrett Is censured for paying $500
a day for a sleeping car; but who knows
how much Of this went 10 his porter
Courier Journal
First Yachtsman-Oh, the Volunteer is
the best vat.
Second Yachtsman-Ies, indeed; the
Yalunteer is the best youghL.
Zone of the country week" girls ex-
claimed upon seeing a watermelon grow:
MY! / always 'spOsed watermelOn5 grew
in the water ."-KOHth's Companion.
II the conundrum fiend asks you why
the Prohibitionists hate the Volunteer be
quick and answer because she is always
ready to defend the cup. "-PhlddePh'd
Call.
Making Things Even.-"David," said
the superintendent, was a manly boy"
II don't know how that was" said the
smart bad boy, but job vas a bOily man,
Just the same" And it was so.-Er-
change.
He Roosts High-Backslide Johnsing,
being near-sighted, mistakes the weather
cock for a fugitive from the chicken rooSt.
Eyer needn't rOOst so high, chicken. l
amt goin' to touch yer. Use refO'med."-
TerdS StiiRgS.
A writer on noses says those that stand
out prominen " represent characters that
are disconnected with their lot. Perhaps
that is what incites the owners of them to
poke their noses into other peoples busi-
ness.-TSIaS SiftiRgs.
Violent rain storm-crOwded street car
handsome lady and gentleman on platform.
Gentleman Ito those inside)-Can you
squeeze Il lady in there. Chorus Of male
voices-Yes, certainly. Lady goes in-gets
squeezed -Nerport NeCs.
PA" said little Harold to his paternal
parent after that individual had been read
ing an article on Superstition" to his
family, "Pa, does death always follow the
howl OF = dOg?'
mo, darling" replied Backstruttle,
sometimes it is a bOOtiack. '-JUdy.
A little three-year-Old girl, when her
mother was trying to get her to sleep one
summer evening, began to ask questions
about a noise outside. When told it was
caused by n cricket, she wisely remarked:
Mamma, | think it ought to be oiled. u
Exchange.
Little Girl-Now | know what il is that
tears my dresses so at the laundry.
Mamma-YOu do?
Yes; there goes a washing machine to-
ward the laundry now.
Nonsense. That's a farm harrow
Omaha World.
II wanted a rOun' ticket for S~crapville,
Mister" You have one, sir" See
ere, young man, We may be smart enough
to run a railroad, but We can't run it into
me that that ere squar' piece OF papers
roun'-allowin' l be 60 years old next
October. "-Hmper'S Weekly.
Jones-I say, Smith, l saw a great magi-
clan last night. He could give you lem
Onade, or any drink you wanted, out Of il
white hat.
Smith-That's nothing; we've got n
grocer on our corner who can give you
thirty-fve, forty and forty-fve cent butter
out of the same tub.-Hnper'S BdzGr.