The Austin weekly statesman. (Austin, Tex.) 1883-1898, 1887-02-24

Bill Nye has furnished The New YorA
World the following copy of cable dispatch
just forwarded to the allied powers of Eu-
rope:
SLIPPERY ELMHURsT
HUDSON, Wis, Nov. %.
To the allied powers, care of Lord Sails
bury;
GENTLEMEN-Your favor of recent date
regarding my acceptance of the Bulgarian
throne, which is now vacant and for rent,
in which note you tender me the use Of said
throne for one year, with the privilege of
three, is at hand. You also state that the
allied powers are not favorable to Prince
Nicholas and that you would all prefer a
dark horse. Looking over the entire list Of
obscure men, it would seem you have
been unable to fix upon a man who has
made better showing in this line than l
have
While thank you for this kind offer Of a
throne that has, as you state, been newly
refitted and refurnished throughout, must
decline it for reasons which / will try to
give in my own rough, unpublished way.
In the first place read in the dispatches
to-day that Russia is mobilizing her troops,
and I do not want anything to do with
country that will treat its soldiers in that
way. Troops have certain rights as well
as those who have sought the pleasanter
walks of peace.
That is not ALL I do not care to enter
into squabble in which am not interested.
Neither do care to go to Bulgaria in the
capacity Of a carpetbag monarch, from the
ten cent counter, wearing boiler iron
overcoat by day and a stab proof corset at
night. l have always been in favor of Bull
garia's selection of q monarch viva voce or
vox populi, whichever you think would
look the best in print.
/ hate to see a monarch in hot water all
the time and threatening to abdicate. Sup
posing he does ebdicate, what good will that
do, when he leaves a widow with nothing
but second band throne and crown two
sizes too small for his successorp I have
always said, and I still say, that nothing
can be more pitiful than the sight of a
lovely queen, whose husband, in o wild
frenzy Of remorse, has abdicated himself.
Nothing, repeat, can be sadder than this
picture of deserted queen, left high and
dry, without means, for ed at last to go to
the pawnbrolxers with little plated, futed
crown with rabbit skin ear tabs on it'll
hos nothing to do but issue O ukese or a
mandamus and that he will then have all
Tho funds he wants; but such is not the case.
Lots of our most successful monarchs are
liable to be overtaken any year by long,
cold winter and found as late as Christmas
reigning in their summer scepter.
/ an inclined also to hesitate about &C.
cepting tho Bulgarian throne for another
reason--I do not care to be deposed when
] want to ba doing something else l have
had my deposition taken several times and
it did not look like me either time.
think that you monarchs ought to stand
by each other more. If you would form a
society of FREQ and independent monarchs
there in Europe, where you are so plenty,
you could have good time and every little
while you could raise your salaries IL you
worked it right
Now you pull and haul each other all the
time and keep yourselves in hot water day
and night. That's no way for q dynasty
any more than any one else. It impairs
your usefulness and fills our telegraphic
columns full Of names that we cannot pro-
nounce. Every little while we have to pay
Che operator at this end of the cable $40 for
writing in rapid flowing hand that
meanwhile Russia will continue to disre-
gard the acts of the Sobranje"
Why should great country like Russia
go about trying to make trouble with low
priced Sobranjep I think that a closer al
lance of crowned heads, whose interests are
identical, would certainly relieve the mono
tony Of many long, tedious reign. If
were to accept the throne of Bulgaria,
which is not likely, 30 long as my good
right arm can still jerk fluent crosscut
saw in tho English tongue, would form q
syndicate Of monarchs, with grips, pass
words, explanations and signals; every
scepter would have q contralto whistle in
the butt end which could be used as sign
of distress, while the other end could have
a cork in it, and then steering a lettering
dynasty down through the dim vista Of
crumbling centuries would not be SO irk-
some as it now is.
AS it Is now, three or four allied powers
ask man to leave his business and squat
on cold, hard throne for mere pittance,
and then just as he begins to let his whis..
kers grow and learns to dodge big porce-
lain bomb those same allied powers Jump
on top Of him all spraddled out and ask him
for his deposition. That Is no way to treat
an amateur monarch who Is trying to do
right.
You can see that unless you stand by each
other the thrones Of Europe will soon be
empty and every 50 day hotel in America
will have an heir apparently to the throne
for head waiter, with a coronet put in on
his clothes with rubber stamp and loaded
scepter up his sleeve.
If you want to rear your children to love
and respect the monarchy industry you
must afford them better protection. say
this as man who may not live to be over
100 years Of age, and with my feet thus set
Ting into the Doggy shores Of time let me
beg of you, monarchs and monarchesses,
to make your calling an honorable one.
Teach your children and their children to
respect the business by which their parents
earned their bread. Show them that it Is
honorable to empire country IL they do it
right. Teach them that to do right is better
than to fraudulently turn a jack from the
bottom Of tho pack. Teach them that 1t is
better to be O popular straight out-apd-out
partisan king who is sincere about it than
to be mugwIlmp monarch who dares not
leave his throne night or day for fear that
somebody will put a number Of bombs
under it or criticise him in tho papers.
would Ike to empire Bulgaria this win,
ter first rate if could get back in time to
remove the Counterpart from my aspara-
gus bed, but it would hardly pay me to do
so. IL Nicholas will do 1t, and do it OF
living rates, would tell him to go ahead.
II you furnish reigning tools and palace
L. a. "a