The South western news., 1887-06-22
A Sioux Bill of Fare
Bill Nye's BOomerang.1

! One of the peculiarities Of the
latest United States style Of feed
ing the noble rcd man is he fact
that he is given Government ra-
tions, and at the same time appro>
priations are made which are sup
posed to maintain him.
Sometimes wild Indian who
don't know much about groceries
an Tow to nrepqre them for food,
comes in and draws his regular SOL
der ration in this way. For in
stance, up in the Sitting Bull
country awhile ago, an Indian
came in from the war path who had
never seen any of the pale face
style of food, and drew his ra-
tons.
He made light meal of green.
unground coffee on the first day.
As he Over-ate, and the coffee
swelled on him, he had difficulty
in buttoning his pants around the
pain he had ON hand.
He fel: very unhappy for a day
or two, but laid it to the fact that
he hadn't exercised much, and the
consequent ernui and Indigestion
resulting therefrOm.
AS soon as he had succeeded in
! getting the interior department
quieted down a little he tackled his
ration Of candles. These he de-
cided to parbOil, in order to avoid
trouble from indigestion. The
dish was not so much of a glitter
ing succese as he had anticipated
and as he remorsefully picked the
candle wicking out of bis teeth
with tenpin, he made some re-
marks that grated harshly on the
aesthetic ears of those who stood
near.
He then tried mel of yeast
powder with viegar. He ale the
yeast powder and then took a pint
of extremely potent vinegar to
wash it down.
At first there was feeling of
glad surprise in his smomach. which
rapidly gave place to unavailing
remorsc.
A can of yeast powder in an In>
dams stomach don't seem to be
prepared for u pint of vinegar, and
the result of such an unfortunate
combination was not very gratis
flying.
Every little while a look of pain
would come over the features of the
noble child of the forest, aud then
he would jump about II feet and
try to kick cloud out of the sky.
Then he would sit down and think
over his past life.
1t took about a week for him
to get back to where he dared to
get up another meal for himself.
Then he tricassed a couple of
pounds of laundry soap and ate
that
Soap is all right for external
purposes, or for treating a pair of
sOiled sOx, but it does not assimi.
late with the gastric juices readily,
and those who have tried tried
laundry soap as relish do not
seem to think that it will ever ar
rive at any degree OF prominence
as an article of diet.
That is why this untutOred child
of nature swOre. He had never
received the benefits of early train.
ing i'll profanity, and his language
therefore was disconnected and
rambling, but when we consider
that he was ignorant of our lang
uage. and that every little while he
ad to Op odd hold on to his di-
gester with both hands and dig big
holes in the earth with his feet, the
remarks didn't seem altogether out
of place or irrelevant.
When q gallon or so of agitated
baking powder and vinegar is sing
ing its little song in the innermost
recesses Of an Indian, and this has
been followed by a treatment of
laundry soap, the student of hui
man nature can find a wide field
for observation in that locality
The earnest and occupied look. the
troubled expression of the cOunte-
nance, followed by the quick. nerv.
Gus twitching of the muscles Of the
face and then the swelling up Of
the body, the bursting of the sus.
pender button, the deep-drawn sigh
and the smothered cuss words, all
betoken the gastric agitation going