The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-03-09
flashes Of Fun.

w ucI u HAL is fC1cTIcu 10 DIS
having lost his heart, it is perfectly
right to call him a heartless fellow.
Though many of the newspa-
per men are good fellows, they,
nevertheless, all belong to the press
gang.
-"Nothing," says a writer, "gives
40 much polish as culture" When
it comes to a mans boots, however,
we prefer backing.
An American dentist is going to
Africa to practice his profession.
The heather has ruined his teeth on
tough missionaries, probably.
There is one thing to be said in
favor of the daily newspaper por-
trait. It shows us what the man
whose name is under it doesn't look
like.
Wife (enjoying her dinner)-
What a be more delicious than a
nice canvas-back?.
Husband-A greenback, my dear,
a greenback.
First Citizen-Do you believe
we'll have a war with Canada?
Second Citizen-No, sir, of course
not. It's only a big bawl."
First Citizen-A fish bawl, hey?
-"None but the brave deserve
the fare was the philosophical
soliloquy of a tramp who, having
obtained surreptitious access to a
well-flled larder, proceeded to regale
himself therefrom.
"A certain doctor in a Michigan
town runs al undertaking establish
ment in connection with his pill
foundry. This seems to evincc a re-
lentless determination to depopulate
that town as far as one doctor alone
can do it.
-Editor-Mr. c., we have
been waiting for "copy" for some
time, and here | find you leisurely
smoking what have you been do
ing?
Assistant Editor-Why, putting
in the putfs.
"A good healthy mince-pie forsup-
per is cheaper than going to the me-
nagerie, and you know all about the
animals just the same, particularly
when you awake in the middle OF
the night to shake the baby hippo
potamus off your chest.
A bold, bad boy in Illinois thrust
a couple of plugs Of tobacco into a
big jug of whiskey he found in the
horse sheds during a church supper,
and the next day the local physician
reported seventeen cases of ice cream
poisoning.
Eli Perkins says: "The near
sighted hen who ate sawdust sup
posing it to be corn-meal, then went
and laid a nest full of bureau-knobs,
sat on 'em three weeks and hatched
out a complete set Of parlor furni-
ture, was a petty fair hem
-Brown-Have you seer Smiths
new horse?
Jensen-Yes, and, I tell you, he's
a smasher.
Brown-Is that so?
Jensen-Yes, smashed the buggy
all to pieces the very first day he
had him out.
"A politician walking along the
street accidentally dropped a lie. "A
gentleman called after him to tell
the politician of his loss. "Oh! it
is of no consequence" said the lat
ter; Il have plenty more" This
story teaches that ven a politician
can sometimes speak the truth.
Not long since [ overheard two
Tennessee negroes who had met each
other: "Howdy do, sir?"
"Porely, porely; Use got a mighty
misery in my back. How's you
making it?'
"Me? Oh! Use kicking, but not
high; futtering, but | can't fly"
-"What wuz de tex dis mornin'
Mister Johnson? | wuz too late"
at was about de miracles, Broth
er Snow. Whar de Lor' fed seven
people on 5000 baskets Of fish"
Il don't see any miracle about
dat"
"Oh, de miracle am, dey all didn't
bust
What's this demonstration? p
asked a citizen as a Chicago process