Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1887-08-04
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"doctoring your husband until he died"
All men try toget the earth, but the earth
gets them. This is not a joke; it is the
grave truth.
Hereditary govt is a most unjust disease.
The father has had all the fun and the son
catches most Of the pain.
There is one admirable feature about wire
fence. The patent-medicine man can't
paint a legend on it in regard to his liver
cure.
II is said Of a great man, just dead, that
che began life bareiooted boy" Come to
think, we boys all began that way, aud bare
headed, too.
A philosopher says: Poverty has no
back bone We beg to doubt this. 1t is
only when poverty CONES that man knows
he has a back bone.
When the irreligious man goes to the tel
ephone he usually says "Hellow When be
comes away from the telephone he is very
apt to turn the expression around the other
way.
A woman doesn't know half rs much
about voting as a man does about rocking a
cradle, vet there are more women who want
to vote than there are men who want to rock
cradles.
Ma" inquired Bobby, "hasn't pa a queer
idea of Heaven ?" "Well, think not, Bob
by. Why" al heard him say that the
week that you spent in Albany seemed like
Heaven 70 him."
Father of fair one eve close up here at
10 o'clock"
Brass-headed beau That's a good idea
II keeps fellows outwho don't know enough
to get inside earlier"
Husband lwho is one of the funniest men
unhung: "My dear, can you tell me why
the letter F is like a cows tail?"
Wife: "No, certainly not"
Husband Because it is the end of
beef"
A bright little six year old girl in town
near by, who was TO give party, remarked
to her father on the morning Of the event
ful day, that she thought the children must
all be coming for she hadn't received any
"regreterations."
Rev. Mr. Stickcr, d. d: $50 you don't
think practice what preach, deacou?'
Deacon Kicker "Wcl, considering that
You have been prorchiug on the subject of
resignation for the last Corty-nine years, l
don's think you do
We are told that all the fifty millions of
people Of this country could be put into the
state Of Texas without crowding This is
because they have a habit in Texas of sus-
pending persons from trees and telegraph
poles This makes more room below
"John, wish you to get me o rawhide
or a single l want TO spank Willie"
quoth a st. Louis matron.
"Why not use my slipper, Mary? ?"
ooh, only want to spank him; don't
want 10 crush him.
Before being lynched Wednesday night,
says Dakota exchange, Col. lIoSsdealer
handed us two dollars, and requested that
the Hqyratc be continued to his family for
another year. The colonel is a gentleman
and a public-spirited citizen. Our best
wishes accompany him.
Said he tenderly, as they sat looking at
the stars
II do not understand whatyOu can see in
me that you love me
That's what everybody says" gurEled
the ingenius maiden.
Then the silence became 50 deep that you
could hear the stars twinkling
Colonel Yerger returned home very late
and in a demoralized condition
"Here you are again, said Mrs. Yerger,
as she met him at the head of the stairs.
"Yesh, my dear, here l am, replied the
Colonel, meekly.
'You are a brute. Here it is twelve
o'clock It will be almost daylight before
] get through telling you what l think Of
you Here have to lose my sleep on your
!, count, and III feel bad all day tomorrow.
u are a yagabond on the face of the
b, etc, etc, etc