The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1887-06-18
THE OLD KICKER.

He Discourses to the Street Car Pas
sengers About His wffe's Charity.
Ever have wife that was mashed
on charityp" said the old kicker, as
he got into the street car that was full.
and squeezed himself between On old
bachelor and girl who works in shoe
factory.
mo. sir, / never had any wife at
ALL" said the old bachelor, blushing,
and looking at millner across the car,
who also blushed. "But II had wife.
and she was charitably disposed, l
should look upon it as point in her
favor, and respect her accordingly, and
not go blabbing about it to passengers
in street Car"
"You would, would YOU" said the
old kicker as he began to tumble for
street car ticket when the driver rap
ped on the window for him to pay his
fare" You think you would, but you
wouldn't 1 will wager that if you
should marry this ancient female across
the car"
"Sir" said the millner.
"Sir" said the old bachelor. eff
you was not an old man on the verge
of the grave, l would pull your nose"
90 the old wretch" said floor
walker in the store where the milliner
worked, "He ought to be driven out of
the car"
'Look-a-here, what are you all kick
ing about" said the old kicker as he
looked around at the shoe factory girl,
who was trying to get the old kicker's
wet umbrella away from her leg. IL
was only going to give you few
verses about my wife. She is the most
belongs to four different societies in
her own church, is a director in four
orphan asylums, has five mission
schools to look after is a visitor TO
several hospitals, helps to support two
Kindergarten schools. and is now dead
set on starting Chinese Sunday
sCuOOl. buO 10 u NOlltCAOl llOhi
back She solicits contributions for
everything, and how she keeps from
getting the funds of different enter
prises mixed, is more than | know.
Yesterday, she was collecting for four
different enterprises, and last night she
had money in four different pockets,
and had forgotten which money in
which pocket belonged to which con-
Germ. Finally, to settle the matter, she
put the money all in pile, and shook
it up, and divided it equally, and then
she happened to think that the money
gave her for marketing, was in the
pot, and as she had spent some OF it,
she didn't know how much belonged to
her, so she left it in the charity-lump,
and had to give her more money to
buy meat Then she went TO bed with
sick headache, and the hired girls
wanted some money for wages and
she told them to take il out of her
pocket-book, and this morning my
wife is all mixed up in her accounts.
and have gotlo send up an expert ac-
countant to straighten her out
81 guess it is going to clear of, "
said the bachelor to an acquaintance,
looking at the sun coming out, and de-
string to choke off the old kicker.
20, no il isn't" SAID the old man.
''She will be out again to-day, collect
ing for some confounded enterprise or
other II she couldn't go collecting
for a home for the frIendless, or mis-
sionary outfit, she would die. IL she
collect outside the family entirely, |
wouldn't think so much of it. but she
agrees 10 raise so much money Tor q
given object, and when she collects till
she gets tired, she makes me whack up
the balance. II is cold day when l
don't have to make up discrepancy in
her accounts She is charitable. and
all that but it all comes out Of me, ex-
cept what she makes collecting Of out
siders. The poor people think she isso
COMPOUNDED good, that II they have
baby to give away, or pups they don't
want, they give them TO her. Ever
have baby left on your door-stepP"
mo, you blasted old foo" said the
bachelor. getting up out of his seat mad
enough to fight 81 told you | was
not married"
"Well, that don't make any differ