Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1887-08-19
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE.
It's wise dog that knows his own d.

W
A man by the name of Ketchem in
Cleveland, Ohio has died and left an es-
tate valued at S6,0O0,000 The above had
'em-bad.
A Boston stationer's store was entered
by burglars, who stole 500 worth of sty-
lographic pens. 1t is confidently predict
ed that they will died of vexation when
they try to make the things work.
The French government has been asked
to pass law authorizing women to wear
mems clothes. Among the grounds urged
in support of the petition are that petit
coats cause many accidents and that trow
ers are more decent and healthful and
less costly They also have pockets which
can be discovered inside of Il month.
There were SO excise arrests in New
York the other day. AS might have been
expected the victims were terribly exer-
csed over it.
Some of the ancient Greek jures were
composed of 500 men. The Greek citizen
who had never sat on a jury was consid-
cred pretty small potatoes.
Hired man. Gosh I've been stung
by wasp"
w my lOl yOu swear
Hired man: because the female wasp
is the only one that stings, and you don't
catch me swearing in the presence OF
female"
The other day we heard one young man
explaining to another why so much beer
was drank in New York city. you see,"
he said, they can't get any fresh water
down there-nothing but salt water and
so every one has to drink beer"
A man by the name of Ketchem in Cleve
land, Ohio, has died and left an estate
valued at s6,OOD,0O0. The.above figures
show that he never had 'em-bad.
Mr.. Popinjay Woman's curiosity
amuses me-"
Mrs. Popiniay Aha-by the way,
what's the stain on your hand ?"
Mr.. Poplniay " Paint. l was coming
by BLOSSOMS fence and just touched my
finger to it to see if it was dry"
There were S3excise arrests in New York
the other day. AS might have been ex-
pected, the victims were terribly ex 'cised
over it.
There is town of 1900 inhabitants in
Michigan without a dentist. 1t has a
blacksmith, however, who does plain work
in that line.
A veteran printer of Kalamazoo was
pleasantly surprised the other day by being
waited upon by delegation of his en-
ployes and presented with clean office
towel
The latest disturbance is usually made
by the master of the house trying to open
/ ha OF 1 xpit
Miss Della Beck of Apollo, is the heaviest
girl in the keystone State. She is only 16
years old and weighs 403 pounds. Miss
Beck is blonde and awfully sweet, but
she is death on buggy springs.
Among the attractions which King Kal.
provided for Queen Kap. on her return
home was procession of policeman blow
ing tin horns. By this device the willy
savage escaped the lecture which his wife
had been preparing for him all the way
home.
An Omaha clergyman preached a ser
mon to BARRIERS, the other Sunday. He
said some things That would have been
sure to razor row, but fortunately there
were no BARRIERS present 1t was a close
shave
1t is a curious fact that some legislatures
can never pass a resolution when they
see it,
The Emperor Maximillian could carry
six gallons. And it wasn't usually skim
milk, either.
An exchange says that October will be
a busy month with the president, devoted
mainly to sightseeing in the West and
South. We should like to be driven to
death with some such sort of business
ourselves.
1t was the New York Herald that stole
a march on its contemporaries. And the
march stolen was Boulanger's.
1t is not exactly with the tones of affec.
ton that one bruiser says to another, af-
ter bloody MILL eve shall meet again. -
We have received brand new "Ency-
clopedia of all knowledge" We can
truthfully say that no other book in the
English language covers its ground-when
measured with foot rule.
A substance has been discovered which
is 230 times sweeter than sugar. The dis
coverer should set up a shop and manu-
facture kisses to order.
i he duleer OIL AlSndnlSldu ndu DOH
He called his doctor, who prescribed some
lotion to bring the boil to head. The
pain was increased and the ameer had the
doctors head chopped off. This cured
the boil.
"Have you ever been camping, Miss De
We're ?" asked Augustus Popinjay.
ooh yes ~ replied his companion; "but
it was so long ago that | only remember
two things"
"What were they ~ asked Augustus.
"That we had gone feeling in the
morning and washed dishes all day"
Featherly ito messenger boy)-Did yor
deliver the note to the young lady ? Mes
senger boy-Yes sir. And what did she
sayY She said, "Oh, pshaw, it's from Mr.
Featherly. ~. Y. sun.
"Red river is so low says a Texas
paper, ''it can't get out of its bed" Or
the other hand, here is the Ocmulgee sc
full that it can't be kept in its bed.-Md,
cOh Telegraph.