Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-08-24


she goes to war on codfish.-New Or
leans PIcayune.
Pugilists take great interest in
yachts. There are spars aboard
Pittsburgh Chronicle.
Under the Interstate Commerce
law even counterfeit coin cannot
pass.-Duluth Paragrapher.
Ice is very popular now, but we can
remember a time not six months ago
when everybody was down on it.-St.
Paul Herald.
An up-country town is proud of a
female blacksmith. We presume she
began by shooting hens.-Shoe and
Leather Reporter.
The signal service bureau is so call
ed because it is composed of a set of
drawers. Drawers of salaries, you
know.-Lowel Citizen.
A friend tells of queer conjunc-
tion of names he heard in an intro
duction the other day: "Miss Cum
mings-Mr. Goings buffalo Com
mercial Advertiser.
Editor Pobedounezen is said to be
a man of pronounced opinions. But
not very easily pronounced if they
are like his name.-New York Com
mercial Advertiser.
The Michigan man who tried to
light fire with some wood from
box which had contained nitro glyc-
crime, succeeded. But he can't do it
again.-Philadelphia Press.
A rural correspondent asks: "How
can l remove vermin from my hens p
Make them use combs. Your hens
don't seem to have been brought up
right.-Binghampton Republican.
A Philadelphia artist, who paints
historical pictures, has an aunt who
one day exclaimed: Anybody can
paint picture, but the trouble is to
find fool to buy 1.-THE Epoch.
johnny" said the minister, rather
severely, "do you chew tobacco !'
Eyes, sir" was the reply, "but Pm
clean out just now. Jimmy Browns
got some, though" ~ Washington
Critic.
"Is your life insured ?" asked the
Judge. NO." replied the Major /;
"but / don't think 1 need any insur-
ance. | may be poor now, but | shall
get the earth when l die. Pittsburgh
Chronicle.
The Carthage Republican says the
school marms of that part of the
country are well dressed and good
looking, and are not yet prepared to
trade good position and $50 per
month for a So dude.
What do the ladies wear nowadays,
anyway ?" asked cynical bachelor,
eyeing scantily arrayed beauty at
ball. oh" replied his companion,
."they put on lots of ofstyle-tbat's ALL"
Burlington Free Press
A Persian philosopher being asked
by what method he had acquired so
much knowledge, answered. "By
not being prevented by shame from
asking questions when l was ignor-
ant. Free Press.
When young man detects the first
evidence of hair on his upper lip he
feels elevated, when in reality it is
coming down.-Yonkers Statesman.
With the average boy shaving is not
his first scrape.-New Orleans Plea
yune.
A doctor who had caught the land
speculation fever is reported as giving
this prescription the other day:
Take one-third down, and the re.
mainder in one and two years, secur-
ed by mortgage" Buffalo CONNER
cial Advertiser.
Musical Professor-"Your voice to
me is electrical, and it strikes the ten
derest cords in my heart. May l
hope to cultivate the pleasure?" Miss
Unsophisticated-"You might ask pa
pa. He wants me to have my voice
cultivated. - Boston Budget.
ST. Paul has had shower Of bugs
foot deep. The inhabitants to man
demand that when next the hotel keep
ers of Minneapolis shake out their
mattresses. thew choose n dnv when