Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-11-20
WEDDING VOICES
EXQUISITELY REPORTED By Mr.. PIXIES
P~HON0GRAPH.
What he Said and What She Said and What
Everybody Said-The Organ and the In
maculats Usher in q Turneful Duet.
MANLY Fl, Pix in Daughters of America.

Manly II. Pike in Daughters OF America
GST. MAGoG's; 100 P. Awning up
and steps carpcted. Populace beginning
to assemble without. Within, ushers,
struggling with new kiGs and n~ervously
rearranging already rearrapged neckties. ]
Head usher (furried and perspiring)-
Relatives there-tirst four pews, you I'M
derslard-and for heavens sake dent
make any mistake, for they'll all be down
on me if you do. Harry, don't stand in
front of the couple, rs you did at re-
hearsal-keep back. Charlie and Fred,
you lead up the right hand aisle, you
know. Keep your eyes on lie, and don't
walk too fast. You made an awful mess
of il this afternoon. And-quick there's
a party!-the Sachet girls Remember to
take their wraps-you're always forget
ting that.
[Gues,s arrive rapidly (everv one wishing
4 seat on the centre aisle. Ushefs active
tongues of guests likewise.
Gushing maiden-NOw, Mr.. Claw ham,
mer, do give me a nice from; pew, won't
YOU? Pm so anxious TO see the last OF
dear Milly.
Friend OF the groOm-St. Harry! Give
me a stall-no, no, | luean a pew-iew
rows back, opposite cetre of sta-there | 20
again!-chance! Why, where's my check?
oh, no, don't need any, do l?-beg par
don-little out of my line, this!
! &c., r.,c,I ia. l,,,E All tha
pretty girls take Charley 'saisle, and don't
get any body but old ladies and married
people.
Mrs. Pusher VERY calmly)-What do
YOU say these seats reserved for family?
oh, what a blunder I've made! We'll,
never mind-one won't make much differ
ence; and, if necessary, ! can move, OF
course. I'll stay here for the present
thanks. and she does as she had intend
ed from the first
Sympathetic SOul-Why, there's poor
Bert How could he bear 10 come here,
| feeling AS he must. Ever since the cards
were out, | hear, he's lived on nothing but
sellzsr aud sandwiches
Second Sympathetic Soul-And be's lost
| his situation at the railroad office Just ioT
writing Il sonnet, 'Another's Bride" on
the fly leaf of the oil and waste account.
Both (pityingly)-Poor fellow!
Sighted matrOu-ThCse JOnes,s have
been put six rows ahead of me. Who are
they, | should like to know?
Ancient persOn-I'm "a relative! Yea,
Young man, | am! | knew the family long
before Caleb went into thelpork-and glad
enough he used TO I've to dine with his old
aunt and save a meal, when he Is left
undisturbed).
Miss VeIjuice-lt's reported that more
than halfthe presents are her sister Mary's,
lent for the occasion. Mrs. Pryer's sure
she recognizes the French clock she gave
Mary four years ago, while rs for Mr..
Chimes 81, 900 check, i don't believe it
was ever meant to be cashed. And the
| groom's diamonds may or may not be
rhine.stCnes, but this much is certain
that seven different people claim to have
seen them in Cohen's window, marked,
"Your choice for SO" | wouldn't insin-
uate anything for the world, but
rs o'clock. Church Crammed full and
running over. W~hereup0n-I
got an awful temper,
almost constantly intoxi-
Gated.
| Everybody lost all his money,
They say he's some relation to Lady Sim
merry Axe,
been engaged nine times,
fsur wives living,
worth n million,
dead broke,
Tilted q French Count,
never bad an offer before,
acted like a tool,
And she's crazy about Charley,
dreadGully extravagant,
meaner than the meanest,
done all the love-making,
over thirty.
The ~populace (outsidel-Hi, hi! Here
dey comes!
I'm the vestibule. Enter bridal party
all more or less axcited. Bride carefully
unwrapped, is smothed aud prinked into
shape by family, who endeavor at once to
Tighten up her ruffles and spirits.
The family--Come, dear, don't be fright
ened-it'n soon he overland, whatever
You do, dSn't bend too far forward, it'll
muss your Gair-it's a great trial, | know
and that's why ] insisted on the cere-
mony-and your feet off her dress, please
she's 20 sensitive-and the gathers may
tear ont.
The brides mother-Now, Mr.. Claw
hammer!
Head usher-All ready, organ!
The brides sister-0b, stop, do stop n
minute! Bertha, have you a pin? Just a
second. There!
Head usher-All ready, or
The brides mother-Wait, wait! Good
gracious, Milly, one Of your hairpins shows
as plainly as can be- It's right now!
Head usher-All read
The bride-Oh, Bertha, I'm positive my
train isn't s~traight-it pulls awfully when
/ move! That better.
Head usher-All-
The brides other sister-Oh-h-h-h b!
Milly, darling, here's your handkerchief
I almost forgot-and what if
Head usher desperate at last, and ignor-
ing every attempt to stop him)-All ready,
organ-ready, ready-go ahead there
start-begin-play up!
THE organ begins prelude to march.
Head usher, unconsciOusly melodramatic,
speaks through music, v~idelieet:l
Head usher (whisperngl-George, keep
step with me-left foot, when / give the
word-not too fast, and look straight
ahead. Now!
The organ Memberships wedding
march.
Head usher Forward!
TEnter procession, encountering cross
fire of stares, scandal, criticisms and COM
ments .
The ladies-Oh, isn't that dress!
Belle. she's certainly powdered-Pm sure
oft. Its Aleneon, isn't it?-the veil, /
mean-no, Chantilly-it can't be Brus-
sels-oh, tulle, after all He's an older
man than / supposed-handsome, don't
YOU think? Why, he's 40, ifa dsy-and
bold, too! They call that q Worth, but
Lou says Shipper made it, on the sly.
She's cool enough, ! must sayi wouldn't
marry a man like that i'll had q Of her
tantrums. Her mother looks pleased,
doesn't she. Should think she would.
after three years Of struggle. How white
she isi-pot becoming at all. Well, she's