The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1887-02-25
Ugly Mp. RowsER.
HIs Patient Wife Relates How He Abused
Her at q Basket Picnic.

s@b AO@uAuS MS paper
ssGo whereof
son this basket picnic TO an island
up the river"
"But we went on one last summer
and you vowed never to be caught on
such TIP again"
81 did, ehP''
s'DOn't you remember that you called
all the people hogs, scolded about the
heat and got mad at me because got
fly in my eyeP'
Nothing of the sort, Mrs. Bowser.
I came home greatly refreshed, and
why we didn't go again is puzzler to
me. want you to be ready to start at
nine o'clock in the morning"
I'm afraid you won't enjoy your
self"
Oh! you are! Thank you, Mrs. Bow
ser, but If don't it won't be your
fault. III make out list of the eat
ables to be taken along, and they'd
better be put up tonight"
I was really delighted to go, and
while Mr.. Bowser smoked his cigar and
rested his feet on the back of chair,
cook and hustled around and got the
lunch ready. We were up betimes in
the morning, but although we reached
the boat half an hour ahead of her time
we found a great crowd on board. We
pushed and pulled and squeezed our
selves along until we finally found
couple of camp stools which were suf-
fering with spinal complaint and
threatening to give out at any moment.
"Didn't tell you how it would beP"
growled Bowser, as we got sandwiched
in at last and felt the temperature go
mp to one hundred.
ayes, expected there'd be a crowd. -
"Of course you did, and yet you in
sisted on dragging me alongP Mrs.
BOwser, this is simply abominabler'
We had it a little better after every
body got settled and the boat started,
but it wasn't half an hour before Mr..
Bowser mortally offended fat woman
who shut off his view; called a church
deacon liar for saying that it was
pleasant day; put his foot into some
body's lunch basket, and looked so
fierce at a year old baby that its mother
thought it was case of sunstroke.
81 wish we hadn't have COME I
finally ventured to abserve.
eyes, suppose SO! You probably
begrudge me the little comfort I'm
taking. That's the way with some
womeni"
"But you are not taking a bit of
comfort"
"Ain't II Mrs. Bowser. if you will
pay more attention to keeping your No.
feet out of sight and less to watching
me, you'll get along great deal bet
ter!''
We didn't speak again until we got
off at the island. Then Mr.. Bowser
looked around at the scenery, turned
up his nose, and observed:
mice place this is for a pic-nicl l
can smell chills and fever in the air,
and here's a laundering big mosquito
on my handr'
''You seemed so anxious last night
to come that 1 hoped you would thor
oughly enjoy yourself
II anxious to Gomez Have you lost
your senses? What on earth could
bring sane man on such an excursion
as this, except a desire to please his
wife! Don't make deliberate misstate-
ments, Mrs. Bowser!"
We finally found a shady place and
sat down to luncheon. I had scarcely
arranged the provisions when Mr..
Bowser glanced over them and ex-
claimed:
Boiled eggs and cold corned beef
Is that some Of your workP"
''Why, you had them on your list. -
"Never! I haven't eaten of either
in a whole year, and you know it!
You deliberately planned to disgust
metz
Here is the list, Mr.. Bowser, and
you can see for yOurselfP'
"H'mi They are down there, but
you know I dashed it off in a hurry,
Such dinner to bring on an excur-
sionr'
He ate heartily, however, and was
greatly enjoying his cigar when a mos
quito stung him on the back of the
neck, and as he scrambled up he got
some ashes in his eyes.
81 knew it-knew just how this in.
fernal thing would terminater' he
howled, as he danced around.
''Can I 4 nelp you!
Help Halifax! You saw that mos
quito and never said a wOrdp'
''Mr. Bowser, L"
Don't Mr.. BOwser me! I believe
you also threw pepper in my eyesi You
were determined from the very outset
to spoil this day for me! Wen go
aboard the boat!''
We went down and sat for two hours
and a half in the heat, Mr.. Bowser
blowing me up regular every ten min
utes, and the boat finally started for
home. Some of the machinery broke
down after awhile, OBTAINING us for an
hour, and Mr.. Bowser laid it to me.
We came very near having a collision,
and he put it on my shoulders. We
didn't get home until an hour after
midnight, and he made me walk thir-
teen blocks as a reward. When we
finally entered our door Mr.. Bowser
gave the lunch basket terrible kick,
flung his hat acrOss the room and turned
on me with:
Mrs. BOwser, don't never dare make
a fool of me again!"
but who first proposed goingP''
WHO didP VIII you stand there and
ask me such a question as thatP''
If you hadn't read the notice
shouldn't have known any thing about
it, and if you hadn't urged me to go I
should certainly have remained at home.
warned you at the start that we should
be disguised with the trip"
He regarded me for a moment with
looks of pity and contempt and then re-