Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-04-10
THE LIME-KILN CLUB.
StuI T~ransacting business OF Tremendous
Importanee-Getting Religion and Being
an THon."

still buslness
MISUNDERSTANDING Religion and Being
an Hon"
Detroit Free Presa.
"If Bruddep Coincidence Jackson am
back dar' by de stove l should like TO
speak a few words to him" said Brother
Gardner as the meeting opened.
Coincidence had Just taken of one shoe
and sock to agitate his chilblains, but
after a few hurried motions he came to
the front and the president continued:
s'Brudder Coincidence, has anything
happened to you lately?"
Eyes sah-I'Ze got religun."
so l understan'. You've almOas' made
up your mind TO 90 fo'th and preach, dey
tell me?"
''Yes, sab. I'ze iist waitin' till l git
some money ahead" .
"Brudder Coincidence, let me advise wild
you. People often make mistakes in SIGH
things. Now, in the fust place, try yer re-
lieion an see il il stands de tests.
HAS yer change of heart resulted in yer
payin' up of any outlawed debts?
"Do you do any less poundin' an sw'ar-
in when dat old mule O. your gifts stalled
in de mud?
Gam yeu firmly decided in your mind
dat if you find a wallet in de road you
will return it to de owner?
kin you see your nsybur grain his
front dOah, put up new curtains an sol oul
an iron hitchin' post widOut feelin' enVi'
Gus OF his luck?
"If you was gwine to trade mules wild
Compromise Taylor, who Ibis longside oil
you, an am nigh-sighted, would you con
ceal de fakt dat your beast am blind in one
eye, an has got twenty-seben different
spavins.
"If you am paid a quarter too much in
maxim change, am you gwine to keep 1t,
an if you get stuck wild a bogus quarter
am you gwine to work it of on someone
else?
"Doan' be in a hurry, Brudder Coinci
dence, to believe an announce TO de worlC
dat you has got religun. 1t ar de easies'
thing in de world togit fooled on. Waitan
test yerself. You may stan cherry test an
come out pure gold, or you may fail oil
ebery one. An in case it turns out dat
you has religun-de real religun-doan'
be in a sweat to go out and preach to you
fellermen. De res Of us amt in any mo
danger dan we was befo', and it will be &
queshun whether you can't help the Lave
mo- by stayin' right at home an takin
car of yer family while somebody els'
does the preaching. You kin now so
down, Brudder Coincidence, an ! trus
YOU will turn desc remarks an obserya
shuns ober in your mind and give dem
due reflexun."
NO RETALIATION.
Sir Isaac Walpole secured the floor to in
uuire if the Lime-Kiln Club meant to retail
late on Canada under the new law, and eX
pressed theNhope that such would not b
the case. He had friends in that country
and for wears il had been the custom eacl
fall for him 10 trade dried apples with then
for blue wool socks. Must he, as a patriots
American, sweep aside this time-honoret
custom and make faces at them across th'
border?
''When two nayburs lose sight of com
mon sense" replied Brother Gardner
"some sort of a quarrel ar de result. |
de kentry at large wants to retaliate lie
'em 90 ahead. Dis club won't feel bOun'
except dar' an q declarashun of war, an
den we shall move on de inemy so slowl.
as to give him time fur refexshun beior
we shoot de top of his head off,
o f
Whalebone HOwker, who had been NOV
ing about in an uneasy manner for severa
minutes, now arose and presented a resolu
ton TO the effect that all members OF tn
Lime. Kiln Club be entitled to the prefix Q
"Hon."
Samuel Shin, Pardon Smith, Ginger Davi
and several Others moved the adoption O
the resolution.
"Brudder Howker, what's lie ideah?'
softly inquired the President.
80 lift us up, ! specks."
ooh. OATS il? "Well, ] shall s0t dow
on your nonsense to once. In de fus
place, if you am honest an upright yoj
am list as much Hon as anybndy else
an in de next place de title wouldn't hid
you if you was a rascal. If dar am any
body in dis club who am not satisfied wit
Esq , he will have 10 go"
"Queshun! Queshun!" called a voic
from the back end of the hall.
Friday Jones, an dat you callin'?'
"Yes, sab"
Come forwardn'
Friday slouched up the aisle to tn
cleared spot in front of the president
desk, looking very sheepish and dOwncas'
and Brother Gardner continued
"Brudder Jones, | has met honorable
who orter hev bin arrested under de Vi
grant act. ! has met judges who orter he
bin sent to state prison. | has met col
nels and captains whom | wouldn't tru
: wild a bari of soap. A title am a bubbl
but beiu' as you ar hungry for one v
shall hereafter refer to you as DOnk'
Jones. 1t means iist as much as Hon
an perhaps a leetle mo-. Take it and .
turn to your corner an be happy an swe
, ,n mid DIGNITY on, DO maatin' will no