St. Paul daily globe., 1887-09-18
A FOOLS WISDOM.

taker. 1t was at the Merchants not many
nights ago that an ungainly countryman
rushed up to IGNATIUs and, grasping his
hand, inquired:
'Is this Mr.. DoNNELLY?'
''Yes, sir" responded the sage.
"Well, wellr' rejoined the pumpkin,
you've fleshed up since you were out our
way. Wouldn't have known you. But you
did give Squire JONES splendid funeral.
There amt been such coffin in our section
since pa died. Doing much business now?"
Mr.. DoNNELLY was very much surprised at
this salute, but, as he got away from the
stranger, was self possessed enough to reply.
"Yes, business is rushing. I was buried
last winter in grave dug by myself and
I'm making coffin for SHAKESPEARE now."
~
SoREN LIsToE would impeach my state
ment that BILL KING had promised him-if
so and so turned out to be so politically
that he should be secretary of Dakota terri
tory. 1t is small point to quibble over, at
any rate, but if BLAINE had become president
Mr.. LIsToE would have gone to Dakota. Mr..
LIsToE was too valuable a servant in the leg
islative Investigation of Mr.. KING for the lat
ter to forget him.
~
After all their bluster about what they were
doing in the case the Minneapolis detectives
come out of the late postoffice robbery at the
little end of the horn. The trial in October
of the principals in that robbery will result
in their conviction. The man who made this
possible is Inspector-in-Charg KIDDER of
the Chicago postal department.. He tracked
the thieves from the first, and, although as
sisted hu Pr no
of the capture and conviction belongs to him.
The authorities at Washington were so
pleased with his work that he was promoted
to his present position as a reward.
r. r. ODELL, the United States commits
sioner at Minneapolis, has a reputation for
humor that is becoming more than local.
AT the late term of the United States court at
Winona ODELL was present. Going to his
hotel to dinner one day he saw street car
filled with passengers and travelling at a
rapid rate of speed. He waited until it was
opposite him, then, signaling the driver,
stopped it; but he did not board the car. He
looked the mules over, examined the car
carefully, tapped the wheels with his cane,
eyed the passengers, and then waving his
hand to the driver said, ''Its all right and
walked away. There was car load of mad
people and wrathy driver, but ODELL had
his little joke at their expense.
~
The first excursion of the Jobbers' union
of st. Paul to the cities in the country tribu-
tary to it was made famous by the number of
practical jokes that were perpetrated during
the trip. Among the particularly healthy
ones developed was that in which Capt
B, believe, was the victim. The train
had stopped at a small station, and during
the wait very brazen-faced female pushed
her way into the car where the captain sat
The woman went from seat to seat carefully
scanning the occupant of each until she
reached Capt. B.. Then she gave vent to
a howl-not Strickland throwing herself
into the arms of the venerable man ex-
claimed: CHARLEY, CHARLEY! My long
lost son." The captains name isn't CHAR
LEY, nor is he anybody's long-lost son, but
think that his hands must itch yet to get
hold of the author of that joke.
49,
Anent the visit of Chief Justice WAITE to
ST. Paul some years ago, and stag party
which was given for his benefit by promi-
nent citizen, am reminded of a little Incl
dent in connection with the party which is
very good in its way. The host, whose wife
was in the East, thought it becoming to in
vite. to sit at her end of the dining table, a
well-known society lady of those days, now
deceased. She came and did the honors
gracefully, but, when she should have re-
tired and left the gentlemen to their wine,
she manifested an intention to stay. The
host was perplexed, the guests annoyed and
an awkward scene was promised when one
of hQ Ead i.,d i,,.
meanor and Observation-Disclosures the key to
the situation. He saw the dilemma, cleared
his throat and announced an anecdote.
And this was what he told: ssYears ago I
was waylaid with a party of friends one
stormy night in country town. 1t was hot
our rooms disagreeable and the mosquitoes
vexatious. At midnight we all arose, and in
our nightshirts, went to the bar room. There
we shook dice matched dollars, cut matches
and did everything else possible to pass away
the time. Finally we hit on new scheme. All
of us stood up against the bar with our backs
to it. The bartender took the tail of each
mans shirt and tackled it to the top of the
bar. To each tail there was the same num-
position. The idea then was for all to pull
away, and the man who got loose last was to
pay for the drinks. We started My shirt
1t was growing too hot in that room for the
lady. She fed without an adieu.
lam pleased with the evidence at hand
that Gov. McGnL reads this column regu-
larly in the SUNDAY GLOBE. Not long ago I
made reference to the governors pledges to
q certain gentleman as to the insurance COM
missionership and other matters. The COM
ments no sooner reached his eye than he
posted off and called on E. FL. GUILBERT, of
Minneapolis, and accused him of writing the
article. Mr.. GUILBERT is one of the parties
who swore by MCGILL last year, and by
this year. He Indignantly denied the gov
ernor's accusations, but left the troubled ex-
ecutiye no wiser as to the source of the arti-
Gle. Capt. j. A. JAMES is, / believe, the press
inspector of the state capitol, and his blue
pencil goes very rapidly just at present. 1
believe the governor hasn't finished reading
yet the continued story of House file 157.
~
Father VAUDRY. of Crookston-who lately
has had his name in the papers quite FIRE.
quently-is about as thorough a Parisian-a
keen, subtle, polished Frenchman-as ever
found has way into the wilds of the Fifth dis
trict As q linguist, presume that he has
not his equal in the state, outside of some of
the clergy. In years gone by he was friend
more than that, an intimate-of PERE HYA-
cINTHE, the recalcitrant priest. For this init
macy with the rebel Father vAUDRY came
under the displeasure of the authorities of
his church, but subsequently received a letter
from the pope reinstating him in favor.
So
They were at the Dairy, and had come in
from the country to the Fair. She was young
and he sturdy. They always are. 1t was
raining. She looked out, sighed, then smiled
as she said; JOHN, wasn't it lucky that 1
brought my crimpingpin with mes''
By Fool.
THE END.