News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-11-03

Dealer-lS Sne resident OF Boston,
sir?
Young Mani should say so; Beacon
street.
.Dealer-Well, sir, I can show you an
exceptionally fine line of spectacles.
WHAT SHE WOULD SAY.
He was feeling his way. eff 1 were
to tell you, Miss Smith" he said, in a
low, earnest tone, ''that am about to
start on a long journey, even across the
sea, and that it may be months, and
possibly years, ere return, what would
you say2"
If the girl dropped it wasn't percep-
tible. 81 would say, Mr.. Sampson, "
she replied, eta, tai
WHAT 1T INDICATED.
Poots-'I saw Robinson was getting a
pretty big load on, and spending his
money right and left, so / asked him
to lend me twenty dollars Just to save
what I could for him, don't you seer
Dunkly-"And did he lend you the
money!"
"Oh, yes"
Heavensl He must have had load
on. ."-Teras SJttngs.
STRUGGLING WITH MEMORY.
Bobby was spending the afternoon at
his aunt's, and for some moments had
been gazing out of the window in a
painfully Thoughtful sort of way
"What makes you so serious, Bobby"
asked his aunt
"Why, ma told me that 1 must re-
member not to ask for anything to eat
and I'm trying to remember it.
TRUE ART.
Miss Quilter: OF course, while I am
here in Chicago [ must dress as the
Chieagoans do, but these hats are SIM
ply outrageous,
Madame Zamonde: All! Nam 'syl.
You don't know zc genius zat l haf to
bring to get ze-vat you call re balance
between re head and re foot, here in
Chicago.
IN A MINUTE.
Countryman Ito dentist)-sI wouldn't
pay Dothin' extra fer gas. Jes yank her
out if it does hurt"
Dentist are plucky, sir. Let
me see the tooth"
Countryman-"Oh, faint me that's
got the toothache; it's my wife. She'll
be here in a minute. Troy Telegram.
CUPID sNICKERED.
Wiggins (who has nerved himself to
ask her papa's eonsent)-Sir, have Just
from the concert-with Miss
De Jones and finding you alone
De Jones (of Chicago)-That's oil
right, my boy-broke, eh2 Here's a
twenty. Her mother used to clear me
out the same way !-Judge.
GREAT MAGICIAN.
Jones-I say, Smith, I saw a great
last night. He could give you
lemonade, or any drink you wanted, out
of high white hat.
Smith-That's nothing; we've got
grocer on our corner who can give you
35, 40, and 45-cent butter out of the
same tub.-Harper's Bazar.
PIG IRON AND GAS.
He (to Pittsburgh heiress)-Do you
know Miss Wandergrift, whose father is
reported to be 50 very rich?
She (glass and pig iron)--Oh, no, in
deed ! The Wandergrifts do not belong
to our set at all. They are so new, you
know. Their money comes from natur-
al gas.-SOciety Journal.
NOT HIS FAULT.
Her Father-Young man, 1 do not
object to your calling occasionally on
my daughter, but you mustn't stay SO
late. 1t was twelve o'clock last night
Iafora Won crot awou
Young Man-'Got away is very good,
sir. 1 either had to stay or get my coat
torn '-Teras SJiings.
A HARSH REMINDER.
"My dear, said gushing young wife
@ her practical husband, % what do
;hese wailing, signing, October winds
'emind you OFF,
"They remind me of the fact" he re-
olied, somewhat sadly, " that 1 have got
o arrange in some way for wiuter's
supply of coal"
SEVERE MENTAL TAX.
Bobby said his mother, 81 told
,ou not to forget to bring up three
cuttles of coal before you went to
chool, and you only brought up two"
81 know, ma. but 1 forgot the third
me- Three scuttles is good many for
little boy like me to remember. N.
Y. San.
FORCED TO SHUT DOWN.
"How's business?" asked q reporter
If court plaster manufacturer.
"It's been good; but we are preparing
o shut down for the winter"
'tShut down Why is that 2"
''Why, you see, the baseball season is
lmost over. "-Ptttsburg Chronicle.
FRIGHTENED OFF.
Street Car Conductor Ito country |
nan) If you saw him picking the gen
leman's pocket, why didn't you inter
ere instead of letting him get away2
Countryman-I saw that sign up |
here, ''Beware of Pickpockets, an.
,'gosh, was fraid to.
A GENUINE sTRADIvARTUS.
"That sir, )" said the music dealer to q
sis genvine Stradivar-
u.s.
"Honest, Mister?'
Certainly"
"Well, Ill be gol darned if wouldn't !
called it fiddle"
LAYING IN A SUPPLY.
Young Featherly-Did you know,
Bobby, that L am coming to your house
0 dinner tomorrow
Bobby-Oh. yes, heard ma say so
hen she told pa to order the turkey
he said he had better get the biggest
ne he could find.
A SUMMER FAREWELL.
"Goodbye, Uncle Obediah,
Aunt Maria and Hezekiah,
How the months have slipped away!
And we think it is pity
That you don't get to the city:
If you should, come spend the day.
--Tidbits
A REPRooF.
One day little Emma's mother re-
roved her quite sharply for not chang
lg her shoes. After a moments refec-
ion Emma said 81 wish you would be
cal good to me, mamma; | fink you
'ould like it after you got used to it. !"
NOT CENT.
Daughter--I say ,cjU marry him.
Mother--But he hasn't cent.
Daughter-NOnsense When we went
4 for cream he changed n So bill.
A Quick Witted Girl.
Courtship is visible on every hand at
aratoga. Its aspects are various, but
sually mild, though occasionally vio-
mt. Only last evening I went quickly
round corner of q veranda and caught
fellow struggling with girl for
iss.