The Cecil Whig., 1887-07-09

tne country ana the people OF the city,
and cause the relations to be strained, es-
pecially those relations that live in tie
country. Although you are not altogether
ill the wrong, Eben, and although coun-
try people, who live near to natures
heart, have certain inalienable rights
which should be respected, yet there is
case you allude to.
1t would be very difficult for me to
write out code of ethics for the govern
ment of your relative while in the coun-
try, and from the description you give CT
him | judge that We could not enforce it
anyway without calling out the state
troops.
take him to belong to that class of
New York business men who are so ac-
tive doing nothing every day, that in or
der to impress people with their import
ance, they are in the habit of pushing a
woman or two off the Brooklyn Bridge in
their wild struggle to get over into the
City Hall Park and sit down. Ipresume
that he is that kind of a man here, and
so we think YOU ought to get along with
him through July and August if we take
him for the rest of the year
He is the kind that would knock down
an old woman in the morning, in his eff
forts to get the first possible elevated
train, and then do nothing else all day
but try to recover from the shock. |
wouldn't be surprised if he ultimately
wrote book on etiquette which will i'll
form countryman how to conduct him
self while he is in town. Maybe he is
writing it now.
can imagine, E5en, what sad havoc
the son of such a man would create in
your quiet Pscataquis home. In my
mnd's-eye l can see him trying to carry
out his fathers lofty notions of refine
ment and courtesy. | can see his bright
smile as he lands at your door and begins
to insert himself into your home life, to
breathe resiDous air of the piny woods
and to pour kerosene into the sugar bowl,
to chase the gau6y decalcomanie butter
fly and put angle worms in the churn.
In this mans book on etiquette he will
doubtless say that, should you have oc-
you should hold a napkin before your
mouth while dong SO, in order to avoid
giving offence to those who are at table
1t is not necessary for you to crawl under
the table to pick your teeth, or to go out
behind the barn, for, by throwing large
napkin over your head, you can pick
your teeth with impunity, though you
should not use fork, as it does not look
well, and it might put out your eye.
Nothing is more disgusting to refined
mind than to see man at table holding
one of his eyes on fork and scrutinizing
it with the other.
In calling on lady who is away from
home, leave your card. If the visit is
intended for two or three ladies at the
house, leave two or three cards; but do
not turn down the corner of the card, as
that custom is now exploded, except in
three card monte circles, and even then
it is regarded with suspicion.
All these things, however, are for the
guidance of people who come to town,
and those who go into the country are
left practically without any suitable book
to guide them.
do not know of any better way for
you to do, Eben, than to write polite
note to your relatives, asking them il
they contemplate paying you visit this
summer, and if so, at what time, and
whether they will bring Henry or not.
Use plain white unruled note paper and
write only on one side, unless you are a
mugwump, in which case you might write
on both sides.
Then, if they write that they did so
contemplate paying you visit without
paying anything else, do not know of
anything for you to do, but to go away
somewhere for the summer, leaving your
house fully insured and in the hands of
reliable incendiary.
Write again, Eben, and feel perfectly
free to come and lean on me in all mat
ters of etiquette. Do not come to town
without hunting me up. You will find
me in the postoffice forenoons and in the
pesthouse during the afternoon. Yours,
with kind regards, BILL NYE.