Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1887-11-02

New Haven News.
Sweet things are generally sticky
That's the reason so many men "gei
stuck" on pretty girls.-New Haven
The man who says that he can dc
anything must have been born under
the tropic of can, sir.'-Boston Cour'
ier.
We do not see what it is that a clock
is ashamed of, that it should be con-
stantly striving to cover its face with
its hands.-Lowell Citizen.
One of the most astonishing facts in
zoology is that horses are sometimes
dear, but it is not known that deer are
ever horses.-Lowell Courier.
Come to think of it, we have never
known a sailor to be afflicted with
hydrophobia though injured by the
bite of a rope.-Lowell Citizen.
Mr.. Bell, who offers his yacht, the
Thistle, for sale, has had no offers. Il
he wants her to 60 off he should put
her up for sail.-Norristown Herald
A Philadelphia man was so rejoiced
when he became father that he un'
furled large American flag to the
breeze. Infantry colors, we suppose
-Ex.
1t is a pleasing sight to see roses
and lilies on young lady's cheek
but we esteem it a very bad sign to see
a young mans face break out in bios
soms.-Hartford Sunday Journal.
Friend-"Stammer, old boy, I hear
you have purchased a parrot ?"
Stammer-"Ye-ye-yeth, an it ith
gw-gw-gweat f-f-tun, you know. I'm
t-t-tenching it ito t-t-talk., Epoch.
Agent Ito traveler]-Have you a
policy in case of accident? =? Traveller
Yes, sir. My policy would be to 60
halves with some smart lawyer and
sue the company for s50,oo0.-Tid
Bits.
Jones got married the other day,
and this is the notice he put OH his
shop door:
"Closed OF account of the coniugal
association of two individuals of diff
ferent sexes."-Judge.
He had evidently studied history.
She-Freddie, how often have l
told you not to play with your sol
diers on Sunday?
He-Yes; but. mamma, this is a
religious war,-Accident News.
Charley-Will, l saw you buy a
load of lumber this morning. l
thought you only bought wheat, oats
and the like.
Will-So do. You see, ] bought
the lumber for the grain in the wood
The Waverly.
"Did you think of me very often
while / was away this summer, FL
berta ?" Indeed, my own Ethelred,
1 did hardly anything else; the
weather was so beastly hot it was ut
terly impossible for one to make the
slightest exertion. ."-Burdette.
Young artist displaying a pictured
This painting is entitled Jonah
and the Whale" Possible purchaser
Where is Jonah? Young artist
You notice the rather distended ap-
pearance of the whale midway be-
tween the neck and the tall Posssi-
bic purchaser-Yes. Young artist
That's Jonah.-Ex.
Omaha editor-What's that sur
prises you sol
Wife-A most remarkable thing in
this paper. 1t says that widow Of
an editor in Shawnee, Ohio, still con-
ducts the paper, and says that her
husbands spirit still directs her.
Great Scott! Are editors never to
have rest i-Omaba World.
whats all this racket" asked a
travelling man as he got of the train
in Philadelphia.
They're celebrating the signing OF
the United States Constitution.
"Wby, that happened hundred
years ago !"
YES"
"And they are just getting on to it.
Well, if that amt Philadelphia all
ver."-Washington Critic.
George, dear" said Naomi, ~ am
afraid you are too industrious in your
efforts to win enough money to obtain
papa's consent. Your health will
break under it,"
TOO industrious Why, ! don,
work very hard"
"Oh yes, you do"
"How do you know
"Why, I heard papa say to-day tina,
you were carrying an awful load last