Tombstone epitaph., 1887-10-22
WILD BILL, OF KANSAS

Killing Two Soldiers In n TwinkiinE.
 but Hesitating at Monkey.
 "Wild Bill was good shot, was he notf'
 "With the six shooter kc was simply wonderful. In my entertainment l givo an illustration of q double shot he made out ct Hays City, Kan, in the carly days, when he shot two soldiers, one ia sSnt of him and one directly behind him, caca cn- deavoring to shoot him before he cotTld- tally wounded tho other, and the two re- ports of the revolver seemed almost as one. Tho marvellous feat was tho talk of the country for O long time. In fact, when I cano by there n few days ago ore of tho old residents who witnessed the killing mentioned it to mo and said he could scarcely believe it oven after seeing it. Bill never missed his mark. havo seen him tako a pistol in each hand and fro with right and left pistol at can thrown in the air, hitting it with both bullets. By tho way, l heard a very funny story told on Bill somo time ago. If you remember, he married Mrs. Agnes Lake, widow of Lake, the circus man. Bill fairly worshiped his wife, but de- spite his great love for her she never could induce him to quit drinking Ho would como home full of bad whisky, and one day Hrs. HickOk said to him:
 Fill. if you don't quit this drinking pretty soon you will actually begin to see monkeys.'
 'MonEcys'' said he. What do you mean, little one?'
 "'Why, you Enow, when people back east drink too much of tho kind of whisky they get back there they sec snakes, but this awful stuff out here makes them see monkeys
 "Diil laughed at her and did not give tho riattcr u second thought, little dream ing that she had put upa job to break him of his incorporate habits. There was tanlo monkey in tho town-Cheyenne, I believe it was-and Mrs. IIicl.ok had in- duced its owner to loan it to Ter for Q night. Bill came home that night com fortablo drunk, and after Ee had gone to sleep h.3 wife secured tho monkey and chained it to tho foot of the bed. Then turning down the light O little, she too retired and awaited results. Dill woke up in the night burning with thirst and raised up into sitting posture, intending to get out of bed and get drink of water. There, perched up on the footboard, was the monkey, staring him in the face with hideous grimaces. He rubbed his bleared eyes, looked again, and a horrible suspi- cion came into his befuddled brain. Had his wife told him the truths Did he really have 'em' Finally, he sprang out on the floor, seized his six shooter, which lay on o table near, leveled it at the grinning creature, and said:
 Now, old man, if you are monkey you're in bad fix; if you ain't a monkey I'm in bad fix At the same instant he fired and the monkey fell over in the ago. nies of death. His wife, who had been watching the working of her scheme, sprang up in the bed with q scream, and Bill, turning to her with broad smile of tho most intense satisfaction, said:
 Little woman, congratulate me, for have just had wonderful escape. l ain't as drunk as thought I was, and there's monkey lyin' there on tho floor that'l never iutrudc itself into the do. mestic fcllcy of another happy family an' mako gentleman think he's rot tho jim jams. "-Capt. Jack Crawford in Kansas City Times.