Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1887-09-14
AUTUMN Z ! IIlE!'lsll.;li:i
he GOT THE GIRL.

.
Ia give my all for one sweet curl. n..ss:sss .a
. He got the girl. #8S& sSss
NOT FRENCH. s. 4sf q
i An American mother travelling in
France offered half-fare TICKET for her
son, who lacked several months of the
full-fare age. The collector looked
suspiciously at the child and at her.
..Your son, is. he under Z, madame ?"
'.He is, monsieur. M q Il Yourssson isvery
large for his age, madame" "He is,
monsieur" "Your son is altogether
too large for his age. madame,''' snapp-
ed the man, exasperated at the Ameri-
cans coolness.rakl'..O ui, monsieur, that
may be,' retorted the mother, calmly.
"He is not French, you see. rs i
KEPT TRACK OF THE LETTERS. ID. !
Letter carrier-"That's for your
mistress, isn't it?''
Maid-..Yes, that's for Miss Julia.
He has written three times to her since
she wrote to him. Guess she wants to
give him the grand bounce"
THE sTAREoAKD SIDE.
Mrs. Moneybags Ito her husband)-
Now understand me, Nj. Moneybags.
Unless lean sit on the right-hand'
side of the ship don't want any meals
at all. Mr.. Moneybags-Why, my
dearp Mrs. Moneybags-I heard some
one say the star board would be on
that side and I guess we're rich enough
to have the BEST
DEEPLY AFFECTED.
My DEAR" said a husband, gently
rousing his swife the lady was danger.
ouslys ill--,sMrs. De Hobson called :
little while ago and left her love and
sympathy for you. She seemed deeply
affected. > John, ''saii the sick lady.
in very weak tone Of voice, T.what did
she have on?"
DISTINCTION.
Mr.. Puffer (who has recently ''struck
it rich, '(-Pete, I am going to get you
a coachman's livery; what do YOU
think of that?
Pete (who has been .shired man" for
years)--Yes, sab, I would like it very
much, sah.. It would distinguish. me
from de rest of de- family, sah..;-Lys.
A FORGOTTEN QUANTITY J.
At Long Branch:
She-Did you attend the hop last
night?
He-No, I couldn't go.
She-The rich young brewer from
Boston was the centre of attraction.
He-That's queer.
She-Queer, why?
He-Why, I had supposed all the
brewers had foresworn hops long ago
-IEd-Bits.
ENGLISH AS SHE IS SPOKE.
Justice Schimmelpfenig of Austin is
a German and his English is little
broken. Sam Johnsing was brought be-
fore him on the charge of assault with
intent to kill.
':Maybe you hev got some lawyers to
defend tend yourself don't it7''
':Do you want me to appoint dot
lawyer for you?'
II don't want muffin ceptin' an in
terperter, so kin find out what you're
talking about. ''-Teras Sifti1ags.
SIMPLE ENOUGH.
Omaha groom-s'Well, my dear, the
wedding tour is finished, and here we
are in our new home"
Bride-s'But, George, the servant
girl who was to be here has not ar
rived.''
II see. It's too late to hunt up
another today. I s1ppose you can get
supper, can't you.e
s'Of course. 60 out and buy some
steak, not too rare, with mushrooms
and French potatoes, and iced cake and
hot waffles, and I'll set the table while
you're gone.'' = IS -
FULL OF PLUCK. : ! r
Countryman Ito dentist)-1 wouldn' t
pay nothin' extra for gas. Jest yank
her out if it does hurt. war
Dentist-You are plucky,' Sir. Let
me see the tooth.
Countryman-O, faint me that's got
the toothache; it's my wife. She'll be
her Q in minute.-New York. Sun.
BETWEEN SEASONS.
Omaha editor-|'.Anything startling
today?'
News editor-'.No, not single rail-
road catastrophe since yesterday" ]
'.Humph?' ~ l..
Eyes, things aredull now. You REQ
it's between seasons
''Between seasOnsp''
eyes, the summer excursion season
is about over and the car-stove season
hasn't opened yet" = . ....s
r, ~ A GREAT ADVANTAGE. -.
Miss Goaway-Do you expect to 60
to Saratoga this summer, ClaraP
Gara-O, no, indeed; am going to
Niagara Falls. You see, it has very
great advantage over Saratoga 81 a.
Miss Goaway-Indeed! / had never
heard of that before.
K ClarazO, yes,s You see, the noise of
the fall browns the sound Of tho kiss.
s. inc &ssses ssHf "ss# 5s-sas "