The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1887-06-08

VIVA o |
ing maidcns after II long separation.
Grand temples arc built Of small stones,
and great lives made up of small events.
Cure for dyspcpsia-Givc Il hungry dog
Il piece OF meat, and chase him till he drops
From u smart boys composition on ba-
bics: The mothers heart gives 4th Joy ut
the baby's 1st 9Th"
Woman loses considerable time before
the looking-glaSS but man loses more hc,
fore the social glass.
If tramps would only scour tin-pans as
thoroughly as they do the country, how
useful they would be.
Arc fat men likely TO be better men than
their lCancr ncighborS? 1t is certainly diff
cult Tor a fat man TO stoop to anything low
sec that a genius has constructed an
of an c%nginc?" Stationary, of course"
Satan would have to skip around pretty
lively 30 find mischief enough for ali the
hands that are "idlc"-to do.
A lady may surely he expected to make
a great noise in the world when her dress
is covered all over with buglcs.
pcspisc not the day of small things: the
ballet of the small man counts just as much
in the returns as the vote Of the giant.
In England people never Ego to bed"
they retire Moreover, they never get
up" they descend in the morning.
1t is very bad taste for Il wife to growl at
he" husband for tracking mud into the
hGiSC-fOr what is home without its mud |
der?
Sunday school teacher TO All Sin, the
louniryman)-What are the wages of sin?
All Sin-Slcvcnty.i five cents Il dozen. No
chcCkcc nc washcc.
Chinese are said to live ON next to moth
ing, bus they are SyharitCs in comparison !
with New York Italians. who support an
entire family on 81 n week.
The most abscnt-mindcd OF mcn is the
professor who, when he hears himself
knocking the ashes out OF his pipe, will
cry, Come in."
Alady and gentleman accidentally touch.
ing each others feet under the table. Sc.
crct Biography said She. Communion
of solcS, y said he.
Tie blacksmith is Il queer fellow. When
he goes ON Il strike he refuses 10 strike. and
when he refuses TO strike he keeps on slrik-
ing.
A lady says this talk about when girls
ought to marry is sheer nonsense. The
question is not when they ought, but when
they can.
The government has sent one million
young shad to the Pacific Coast. If they
do we'll people there can pick Il bone with
the Chinese rs often as they like.
"NVhy is Il young lady's' age after She
reaches twenty-five like n floral wedding
hcll?' asks an outsider. And he says it is
because it is never told"
A Connecticut woman claims TO be III
years Old, and She probably is, for we see
by thc papers that she knows how to make
old.f1Shion pumpkin pics.
y widow Of fOrty.six, who has had TWEEN.
ty.orc children, wants another husband.
One WHO has had experience in running an
orphan asylum preferred.
1t is estimated that one million house
cats are used for the fur trade annually.
SO they do not mystcriously disappear
from the back fence in vain.
Got on your husbands cravat haven't
YOU asked Il n~cighbor of Mrs. Bilkins.
lcS,. replied Mrs. b. sadly; its the
only tic there is between us now"
Shc-IIc's . very knowing dog; why,
when its ten O'Clock papa always closes the
house, YOU know, and then Carlo barks;
he's going to bark now.
"Sam, why are lawyers like fshcs?" II
don't mcddlc wild dc subicc', pomp."
WHY don't you see? Cause dcy am so
fond oh debate"
Delightful Observation-Disclosures of a Ger.
man professor. Profcssor-Wha n couple
of bonnie little children, dear baroness,
| suppose? BaroncsS-Iou have
guessed rightly. Profcssor--Arc they both
yours?
Some one who asks, "Nyill hair grow
after DEATH seems to be troubled with n
suspicion that Il bald headed angel would
"athcr peculiar.
"lf a man could only catch fish as easily
as he can lie about it, lamcnts an editor
lie could, If he only understood fishing as
well as he docs lying,
Shops that sell at fair profit have no mar.
gin with which to give away" articles 10
thc'| Customers. These so called gifts are
-hC 'isult of an Ovcrchargc or Il sacrifice of
good material.
II has been decided that hereafter brides
cannot DC sent through the mails in
as the regulations prohibit the send
OF packages which weigh more than 10
pounds by mail.
ESQ fair white arms arc arOund NV neck
Hes lips To mine she doth fondly press,
And | know she is trying to get that check
i promised last week for n new silk dress.
Tobacco kills sheep ticks" according
o an agricultural exchange. Then by all
means provide your sheep with tobacco. It
s true that it is a filthy habit, but it must
&c preferable to ticks.
Women arc not inventive, as a rule"
nys a writer. ANY married man whose
wife inycnts a new hiding place for his
'ipc and slippers every day will not agree
With This statement.
a German prima donna remarks that in
he Fathcrland the ladies believe exercise is
God for the health, and do a great deal Of
'alkiDg, while American ladies seem to be
OF hurting themselves by walking.
Marriage is Il slice Of bread and butter.
Drcad with jam, given to ovcrgrown chill
rem. The jam soon disappears, and moth
lg remains but dry bread though even {
nat is sometimes appreciated. {
The way to wealth is as plain rs the way :
} market. 1t depends chiefly on two
'ords-industry and frugality. That is,
rnStp neither tinlp nor mnpnu Inf ,noIn