Daily Republican., 1887-09-15
MIR. AND MRS. BOwsER,

A lew days ago we we're speaking of
watermelons OF the table, and l re-
marked that lady acquaintance of
mine, who does the buying for her
table, had been stuck" on three differ
ent occasions with green melons.
Just like womanl" snorted Mr..
Bowser as he buttered his corn afresh.
VI don't suppose there is woman in
the country who can tell a ripe melon
from green one."
But the men canp'
Certainly. shall send up water
melon for dinner. 1t will be ripe
aad delicious. I shall select 1t at
glance"
The melon came up about 10 O'Clock
and was placed on ice until dinneE
When we were ready for desert the
girl brought it in. 1t was as green as
grass. Nature hadn't even begun to
paint the interior of that melon red. l
had to laagh
swell, what arc you te-heeing
about?" calmly inquired Mr.. Bowser
as he looked up.
"That me!onp'
"What about that melon? l see a
melon here, but don't see any reason
to giggle."
"It's greenp'
-44lfh oh, iffcisf Mrs. Bowscr, / believe
you were born on farm, and / be-
lieve you lived there until IL or 10
years old. The fact that you don't
know a ripe melon from a green one
might astonish some folks. but il
doesn't me if you should stand ou'
doors in rain storm l shouldn't be
the least bit amazedp'
"Mr. Bowser. do you call that 8
ripe Watermelon
Certainly. Perhaps this hol
weat er has affected your head"
In order to carry out his point ht
sat there and worried down two large
pieces of melon. utteripg a yum
yoot!" occasionally to show how deli
cious it was, ard charging the cook II
be careful and waste single seed
as he wanted to send them to the Ag-
tricultural Bureau in Washington,
When ready to leave the house hi
ceased picking his teeth for a moment
Ito saw.
"Mrs. Bowser, owing to your con-
duct at the dinner table, shall have
to request you to let the remainder o
that melon severely alone"
"Very well, SIR"
"If you eat any watermelon this
summer it will not be in my house, al
though shall have watermelon every
day for the next three months"
With that he walked off and tool
the car. expected to hear from hin
inside OF three hours, and l was no
disappointed. Indeed, it was only an
hour and half when / was called to
the telephone, and voice inquired:
"Hello Is that Mr.. Bowser's resi-
dence?"
'Yes, sir"
"Is Mrs. Bowser home?"
"She is. am Mrs Bowser"
SIS your husband a short, fat, bald
headed man, who thinks he ownl
seven-eighths Of the State of Michi
GAM"
"Why yes, something like that
IWhy?'
"This ia Jobwock's drug store, OF
tHanlmergI1. III streets SIcb p. srlaa Q.
have described, and giving his nainl
as Bowser, is here in the store, tied VI
lin fourteen different knots with the bill
ious collie. We didn't know but he
was a tramp playing off on US for q
|drink. Well send his remains up in
Boyd's ambulance"
They came up. The remains were
still alive, and very indignant. They
had scarcely brought Mr.. Bowser into
the house by the legs and arms and
left him on the lounge, when he
pointed his finger at me and hissed:
"Borgial Wou,dbe murderessl'
"Why, Mr.. Bowser. wha. on earth
are you saying? What can you
meanr"
"You were jealous of me about that
|melon You poisoned It'll"
Well, ! called in a couple of neigh
bors, sent for the doctor, and we gol
lMr. Bowser to bed and dosed him in
side and heated him up outside, and
latter three or four hours hard work he
became easier. The doctor said it was
la case of cholera morbus, and Mr..
Bowser family replied:
doctor, can't agree with you!'
"But it certainly is"
at may seem like it, but think all
the symptoms point to poison"
"Nonsensel It's plain case of chol-
era morbus, and if your wife hadn't
Just what to do and worked
over you as she has, you'd have had a
much closer call. What did you eal
this forenoon"
"Only my regular food"
"You forget that watermelon, Mr.
Bowser," put in.
"Watermelon, eh?" added the doc
Itor. "That's the key-note!'
"But it was ripe, DOCTOR" protested
Mr.. Bowser.
"I'll bring the doctor piece and let
him see it,"
MIR Bowser looked at me with gun
Iflints in his eyes, but l would dc
lit. When / had brought the melon
1.-THE doctor said:
"Bowser, you don't tell me that you
late two slices OF this internal stuff"
"Y yes"
"Then you are the biggest fool in
detroit, and you deserve ten times
lwhat you've got!"
| sat up most of the night with Mr.
lBowser in or or 10 give him medicine
lat regular intervals. He seemed quite
humble until he found himself able tc
ldress in the morning. Then he said
Ito me:
"Mrs. Bowser. | have word Oh
1.-TWO to say to you, and | warn you tc
li;.,on xyaIlI Tho ppyt time vou brinl