The Hawaiian gazette., 1887-09-20
VARIETY.


sale for the encyclopaedia.
The genius of a Robert Burns
could never make a pleasing picture
of a boycotter's Saturday night.
Some day the Texas train robbers
will attempt to rob friends of the
road, and they will be discharged.
Visitor-"How much your hair is
like your mother's?" Little Girl
"Oh, no, it isn't! Mammals comes
off, and mine don'tr'
No microbes have ever been found
in tobacco. They are probably afraid
that devotion to the weed would in
lure their constitutions.
A meteor has been found with
writing on it. Some day no doubt
meteors and comets will be used for
inter-planetary homing pigeons.
Observation-Disclosures is your
name?" Vagrant-"That shows
you are a geen hand at the bust
ness. All your predecessors knew
IL
The most self-satisfed man in
town is the one who did not promise
his wife before she went to the
beach that he would not drink beer
while she was gone.
Why don't some enterprising cuss
start a laundry here, anyhow.-Wy-
lie (Tex.) Herald. 1t is evident
that the Texans have begun to wear
collars.
George and McGlynn might
abridge their tedious lectures on the
causes of poverty by giving us three
simple words-intemperance, i'm
providence and ignorance.
A man who dresses too grandly,
or too absurdly, or too shabbily, has
some mental oddity, or insanity, or
meanness which develops itself out
wardly in the fashion of his gar
mentS.
An American writer on japanese
decorative art says that in decora-
ton the Japs know when to stop.
We should judge from the looks of
their work that they stop when they
get tired.
ssJohnny," said the minister, rath
er severely, edo you chew tObacco?"
eyes sir,n was the reply, "but Pm
clean out just now. Jimmy Browns
got some, though, that he'd let you
have"
Dude-I say, look here, me boy,
cawn't you give me tip?
Jockey would if 1 had you in
boat. But you wouldn't sink.
Dude-Why not?
Jockey-Head's too light.
The Russian aeronaut Casloviche
claims to have at last invented a
perfectly navigable balloon. In
order to preserve the secret of its
construction he is having the vari-
Gus parts of the balloon built in diff
ferent countries.
A dog was about to attack a mon
key belonging to an organ grinder.
AS the dog rushed on the monkey
he lifted his hat and gracefully
saluted, when the dogs head and
tail dropped, and he sneaked away.
1t pays to be polite.
Parishioner-Andw what do you
hear from the doctor?
Clergyman's wife-Mr. Richards
is having delightful time in Eng
land. Last week he visited the
Canon of Balmoral.
Parishioner-Did he, indeed? 1t
must be interesting to look over
those old war relics. Have they any
battle flags?
Scene London. Lord Noodle ito
Mr.. Blaine)-'I saw your distin-
guished countryman yesterday"
Blaine-"Whom do you mean?"
"Why, Buffalo Bill. You know
him, of course"
Lord Noodle aside to friend)-
''This man Blaine is an impostor.
He is not acquainted in his own
COuut1S'
Mrs. Blohsom-What's that? Oh,
horrors! The hotel fire!
Mr.. Blobsom-Yes, come on.
We've no time TO lose.
Mrs. Blobsom-But here 1 am in
my night-dress!
Mr.. Blobsom-Good enough! Pm
glad you've got out of your ball
dress and into something decent.
The pop-weed is Dakota curl
osity. Its stalk is like that of a
cabbage, with a large, round top,
the size and color of a Hubbard
squash. The Hnorthwesters' in the
fall blow the pop-balls off the stalks,
and roll them for miles over the
prairies till they reach uneven
country, when they pile up like
snow banks and serve buffalo herds