The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1887-07-27
The Gimlet--A Pastor PerfOratOr.

The Gimlet--A Pastor PerfOrator.
Once pastor was from home for a
few days, during which time the son
of a parishioner, who lived several
miles distant, died. He did not hear
of the young mans death until he had
returned; then he was taken sick,
and it was several days before he was
able to visit the afflicted family.
When he did so, the first words which
greeted his ears were:
"Well, I thought you had forgotten
us,n and the afflicted mother compla-
Gently sat down to be cOnsoled.
This is what mean by pastor per-
forator-the lay gimlet; and it is as
tonishing how proficient certain per-
sons become in its use. The delicacy
is insinuating, the deftness and grace
in twisting, can only have been ac-
quired by assidious practice. They
know where it will so in most easily
Just how many turns to give it before
it gets down to the quick.
There are various scientific twists OF
the gimlet known both to adopts and
to victims. For example, there is the
sarcastic twist. Hostess enters the
parlor and greets her pastor thus
"Good afternoon, DIR. -; really,
the sight of you is refreshing! Have
YOU found out at last where we live?'
Then there is the business twist.
"DO you know you haven't been in
side our house for six months! Ordi-
nary folk, as we'll as mathematicians,
are painfully aware that figures can't
lie; so that this twist is peculiarly ef-
fective one, usually transfiXing the
victim, and reducing him at once to a
condition of silent helplessness.
Then there is the repToaclJm tacist,
also very effective one; tremendous
ly so if the twister can manage to
start "a silent tear" or two. "Really
we began to doubt whether we had
any pastor!'
And once in while, there comes the
spitcfM twist, in administering which
the operator, or more commonly the
operatriX, is at no pains to conceal her
savage intent, but drives the unoiled
gimlet with steady, determined
hand; or, in other words, given the
parson "a sharp setting down" OH his
shortcomings.
Those who vince under the gimlet
are the conscientious pastors, who are
always more or less haunted by the
vague sense of work in arrears, and
tormented with self reproach because
they do not bring it up. The gimlet is
terrible instrument to such minis
ter. He knows a gimlet house as well
as q doctor knows where small poX is.
He braces himself to visit them once,
twice or oftener, yearly. He says to
himself as he opens the gate, 'There
is rod in pickle for me here" Such
one goes about his work very much
as if lie were going to have a tooth
filled or eXtracted-meets the gimlet
twister without betraying any inward
writhings-reads chapter, kneels to
pray, and rises to his feet to meet q
parting twist, thus:
"Now that you've found the way
here, you must come again: we hope
to see you very often" AS he goes
down the steps he looks into his note
book, and seeing that the next place
OH his list is also gimlet house, he
says to himself, "No! not to-day I've
had rs much as can stand"
You cheerful, sunny, sympathetic
souls, who perhaps excite the jealousy
of your neighbors because the minis
ter "drops in" at your houses so much
oftener than at theirs, does it ever oc-
cur to you that he comes almost as
much for his own sake as for yours,
because he knows you always have oil
and wine in your casks for the wound
of the gimlet?
Now, ye gimlet twisters! we pastor
perforators! lift up your voices and
answer: "What do you want pastor
al visit for? DO you want to talk with
your pastor; do you want him to talk
with you about your temptations and
trials? Do you want instruction on
some question of Christian expert
encc? DO you want tn discuss some
scheme of Christian enterprise? No,
indeed; not you! No lawyer is more
adroit in turning the conversation, the
moment it takes any such direction.
Suppose your pastor should try his
hand on the gimlet, and probe your
heart and lay bare your poor, starved,
stunted religious life! Let him tax
you vigorously with your absence from
church, your coldness and indiffer-
ence, and you will not complain of the
scarcity of his pastoral visits.