Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1887-05-06
A BROKEN BRIDGE,

A BROKEN BRIDGE,
1t has been declared by profound
observer of human nature that the
most awkward predicament q man
can be placed in is to be unexpected
ly called upon TO mix in society with
oct his trousers. | dare say it is q
irving position, but there are worse
"fAes" than even that. say it ad
visably, that if, after my recent ex
perience, it were to come TO n ques,
ton of dispensing with either my
neither garments or my spectaclea,
think-I really think should en-
brace the former alternative.
As the reader will probably have
inferred, | am acknowledgements
ally-shortsighted. Without my
spectacles, ard without competent
dog. | should make very tolerable
blind man. l think | should know
whether the parties who dropped cop
pers into my bat were short or tall,
male or female, but there my knowl-
edge would end. With my glasses
(the very strongest concaves known
to optical science) l can rub along
very fairly; but without them | am
lost, helpless, imbecile. Ny specta-
cles are the last thing / take off at
night and the first | pat on in the
morning. Meanwhile they rest
ready to 10Y hand on my little table
de mutt, in company with my watch
and water bottle.
1t was late in last November. |
bad been spending the evening with
some musical friends. The party
was small, but successful; and | had
contributed in some small degree (my
friends were good enough to say in O
considerable degree) to its success.
NY rendering Of the white
Squall" and "Tom Bowling Lad been
much admired, and | had every rea-
son TO suppose that | had made a
favorable impression in quarter in
which-in which, in point of fact,
| was rather anxious to make a fa-
vorable impression 1t will therefore
be readily imagined that | delayed my
leave taking till the latest possible
moment. | had before ne a short
ride by train (the last train), walk
of few minutes, and then an omni-
bus (the last omnibus) would bear
me to my dwelling, which was stu
ate in Wisteria Terrace, Higbgate.
The first stage of my journey was
quickly accomplished, but when | got
out of the railway station found
that the weather had materially
changed for the worse. 1t had begun
to do something which was not ex-
actly raining and not exactly snow
ing, but sort of unhappy medium
between the two. A vague sort of
fog, too, was gathering in the air.
However, | turned up the collar Of
my coat and turned down the brim
of my soft felt hat, and stepped out
manfully for the omnibus, for there
was nc time to be lost. When |
reached the spot where it should
pass, it had not yet come in sight,
and | sheltered myself within the
doorway of a shop to await its arri-
val. When safely ensconced, and be.
ginning to look about me, ! found
that the sleet had settled ON my
spectacles, increasing my normal diff
ficulty of vision. | took them off and
began to wipe them with my pocket
handkerchief, when-oh. horror -
the bridge suddenly snapped in the
middle and | was left at midnight
over two miles from home and as
blind as q beetle. The omnibus
would take me the greater part of the
way, but l had still nearly halfa mile
to walk beyond, and how | was to do
it heaven only knew, for L didn't.
However it is proverbially useless to
cry over split milk and it is equally
Intellectual for | tried iD to swear
over broken spectacles A moment
later the omnibus came up and after
an Intellectual attempt 70 get into it
through the horses (thereby causing
the driver to express harsh and
wholly unfounded judgement as to
my sobriety), | finally succeeded by
dint of holding up one of the severed
glasses to my right eye, in Chamber
ing into the vehicle and finally, after
blindly plunging on to various pas
sengers' laps and being violently
pushed off again, in settling down in
to a seat. Groom for one On either
side," the conductor had shouted
There may have been but | couldn't
see it. At last ] ascertained, more
with my elbows than my eyes, that
there was a vacant space on my right
and 1 dropped exhausted into it..
There was scrunch somewhere be-.
tween me and the cushion, followed
by scream from q female voice.
"If be hasn't bin and sat on my
best Sunday cap !"
"My good lady" gently interpos-
ed, beaming mildly around in tho di-
rection of the voice
Good lady Your good lady,
indeed! If / was your good lady I'd
take the coDcet out Of you, you mas
ty, spitetul jacksnap ~
at was quite accidental, l assure
you," mildly urged.
"Dont tell me, with your 'acciden-
tails Accidentally done a purpose.
that's whet it was. / see him look
straight at the box, and then he claps
his ugly, great carcass squash down
upon it,"
Here the conductor iuterposed:
"Look here missus, just keep civil
tongue in your head. It's your own
fault, for putting o. the box on the
seat stead of under it. 'Tain't likely
the gentleman would q set upon it a
purpose"
II certainly did not" | said, men
tally resolving to give the conductor
sixpence when | got out. IL am
very sorry / have injured the lady 's
property, and if she will tell me the
value | am quite willing to make it
good