The Hawaiian gazette., 1887-09-06
VARIETY.


eHe!" "Te-he!r'-The Rambler.
Little girl-"Please, mum, PAS
got chill, an he wants to know if
he can come over and shake yer car
pets THE Rambler.
"What polite man Mr.. Gee
st16ng, the violinist, appears to ber'
'1ndeed? l hadn't noticed it."
"oh, yes; bowling and scraping all
the time. THE Rambler.
Brown to Jones-'I say, lend me
dollar until tomorrow. You see,
| changed my vest this morning"
Jones-'Fm sorry, but Eve just in
vested my change. Judge.
She-"Yes, we had a splendid
time last summer. -Four other Vas
sar girls and took tramp through
tie Adirondacks." He-seDid the
tramp have a good time?'-Life.
"Pa, do 'pro' and 'con' mean op-
posite things?" oYes, son." sIs
that the reason they speak of pro
gress' and 'Congress"" "Nn-n-
yes, son.''-Chicago News.
AZ see in the paper that three tons
i 'of yarn are yearly used in the manu-
VI facture of base-balls," observed
Fangle. 81 suppose that is the
reason so many clubs get worsted, :"
<4plied Snooper.-Tidbits.
IneSiated young man ito police
man Sho has invited him to "come
along")-'I shay (hic) offishur, ish
this joke? If fish (hic), " mustn't
cany it too far. Policeman-'Tn
only carry it as far as the station
house. The Sun.
We are told that all the fifty mil
lions of people in America could be
put into the State of Texas without
crowding. This is because they
have a habit in Texas of suspending
persons from trees and telegraph
poles. This makes more room
below.
Tom-"You have never met my
wife. Bob, permit me-" Bob
WAh, yes-pleased, 1 assure you.
Know you well, though, very well"
1.-THE bride-stSirr' Bob-'sTom has
shown me lots of letters from his
dear Lizzie" The. Bride-"Sir!
my name is Amelia" -Philadelphia
Call.
| Smpson-"Well, Muggins' how's
business?" Muggins (our ARTIST
"Oh, ripping! Got a commission
this morning from a clergyman.
/ Warts his children painted very"
Simpson with that pleasant way of
his)-''Well, my boy, you're the
very man for the job" They don't
lspeak now.-Judy,
aTne great trouble with you,
Joh4, is" said lady to her hus-
band, who was suffering from the
effects of the night before, "you
cannot say No. Learn TO say No.
John, and you will have fewer head
s&hes. Can you let me have little
| honey this morning?" "No," said
lJoIA, with apparent ease.-Puck.
The many silly questions that are
asked at railroad ticket-offices would
try the patience. The other day a
man stepped up to the window at
Port Jervis and asked: ''Will this
train coming now leave before the
lone going next?' The agent said
he would have to give it up,-Sus-
lquehanna Transcript.
"Where do you come from?"
asked a Dallas man of neighbOr.
ppm just in from the fair grounds"
'Have the judges of live stock
awarded the prize to the biggest
ka6?" "They have" Did my
uncle or my father get it?" "Nei-
ther of them. A strange donkey
from Eastern Texas got the prize"
Texas SiftIngs.
"Found any salt ?" asked De-
kroiter of man who was drilling
hole on his farm in Indiana. ono"
y ANY oil ?'' ssNo." " Natural gas ?"
ksNo." "Mebbe you are digging
Tor fun ?'' "NIebbe / am, stranger,
bnd mebbe I'm drillin' to get shet
bf this farm to q stock company. If
you know more about it than do
FU resign. detroit Free Press.
I've been riding on the limited
battle train all day, madam" said
he tpAmp, in an imploring tone of
Voice, "and my feet are very tired.
Would you mind letting me sleep to-
hight in the cow-pasture, back of
the barn ~ "Certainly not" replied
he woman, kindly; "and I'll tell
bohn to put up the bars snug and
light, so you won'5 catch cold. D
phe Sun.
"Where do / address a letter to
the President of the Interstate Com