Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1887-02-26
RAYS OF MIRTH.

Mamma" said little Carrie one day,
"can you tell me what part of heaven
people live in who are good, but not agree
able %
The young lady who burst into tears has
been put together again, and is now wear
ing hoops to prevent the recurrence of the
accident.
School teacher" What do we call those
scientific meh who have adopted the germ
theory?n Master Kirby" know; Ger
mans.''-7id-Jhs.
"Young men believe in nothing nova
days" says Mrs. Ramsbotham, with deep
sigh. "There's my nephew, Tom, who was
brought up Christian, and now he's an
acrostic. "-Erchange.
Guest (rising excitedly from the table,
after testing an olive for the first tine)-
"It's sorry I'd be to disturb the hilarity of
the meeting, but believe some jokers been
sailing the gooseberries Judy.
Mrs. Jones'" You won't be lonesome,
dear. while I'm away, with no one to play
the piano for you?" Jones "a brute)-"O o.
no. guess not. | understand the new boiler
shop across the way is about to be run day
and night"
Faith is sometimes represented by the
figure of drenched female clinging to a
sea-washed rock, but better persenifica-
ton would be bald headed man buying a
bottle of patent hair restorer.-Shoe and
Leather Reporter.
IF my dog doan' bite anything ex-
planned q Gratiot-avenues aloonist, "eafery-
pany say be vas no good. If he bites so.ne-
pody. den eaferypody says he must be
killed Seems to me dot dog doan' get
some fair show"
~ will add" concluded the young man
applying for a situation, " that | am col
lege graduate. ''0h, that won't make
any difference" was the reassuring reply.
" If you stick to your work and, besides,
we want somebody about the place stlong
enough to carry in coal"
A young man who held loaded pistol
TO his head, and threatened to blow his
brains out unless the girl who had refused
him would consent to have him, was coolly
told by the young lady he would have to
blow some brains into his head first. He
didn't blow.
Look here said man going into his
grocer's, those eggs you sold me New
Years were bad" Well, that wasn't my
fault" Whose was it then ~ g Blamed
if know. How should | tell what was
inside of them. I'm a groceryman I'm
no mind reader"
Fond mother Ito bachelor brother)-"
wish knew what to do to refine Bobby s
manners. AT times he is very boisterous
and uncouth." Bachelor brother-"Big
job to undertake. l don't believe any
thing short of the Standard Oil Company
could refine Bobby"
A Chinaman is speaking to himself as he
irons a shirt. Picks up shirt showing
evidence of having been well cared for and
says. Bachelor. Him landlady fix him. y
Picks up another, buttonless and all frayed
at the wrist and neck, and says Mailed
man.n-Boston Courier.
1.-The car is full of alumni" whispered
Miss BeekOnstreet to her friend from the
West as they both journeyed Cambridge
ward in the horse car. YES" said the
Chicago girl, land how it chokes one up,
don't it? l wonder they do not open the
ventilators. Boston Bulletin.
Silver pitchers for presentation to
bridal couples can be had of us as low as
81, and they will wear for three months. >
advertises Chicago firm. That firm has
tumbled to long-felt want. and those
pitchers will soon be sold all over the
United States. Can't they manage to get
upa set of silver spoons or forks for about
% cents