Morning journal and courier., 1887-03-02
ADULTER ATED.

There are great many p's in pepper, but
 not half so many as there are in coffee.-Bur- lington Free Press.
 A new list of household hints contains
 this: ''Salt in the whitewash will make it
 stick better" Investigating committees
 should bear this in mind.-Life.
 Minnesota has lost it's dry atmosphere.
 Where it has gone is not stated, but the Pro-
 hibitionists would locate it in this State if
 they could.-Philadelph Call.
 A Massachusetts Story.-At the burning
 of church grand pianoforte was taken
 out on the lawn, and an Irishman exclaimed,
 "Begorra, they've saved the billiard table. <"
 A woman marched up to the New York
 City Hall yesterday and claimed it as
 her property. As she did not look like one of the ring they arrested her for a crank Boston Globe.
 Things one would rather have left unsaid -'Well, but if you can't bear her, whatever
 made you propose?' "Well, we had danced I three dances, and I couldn't think of any
 thing else to say!"-Puneh.
 s'No, Bobby" said his mother, F'you can | not go skating to-day. It's Sunday, yeu know" "Well, ma," persisted Bobby, 'can't I go if I'll just skate straight ahead, and not | try to do any fancy works'-Puck. "Prisoner, you have been accused of mur- dering your wife. What have you to say?'' | tsYour honor, my life with her had been in supportable.' esBut you could have asked | for separation divorce.' Impossible. | I had sworn never to leave her until death had parted us. "-From the French. A young lawyer in this section sever ral years ago went to merchant and asked for | some accounts to collect saying that he had | been successful in that line. The merchant
 said: ''Yes, will try you. Here is ah &C., 1 count of $10 against yourself. If you are
 successful in collecting this account come
 back and I will give you some more."-
 Sumter (Ga.) Republican.
 l All Humbug-Professor Zweibeer is a rather dissipated old man, who gives lessons
 on the flute for living. Gilhooly, who feels kindly interest in the old man, took him aside and said to him: Professor, if you were to quit drinking and keep sober, you would be engaged to give lessons in some of the first families in Austin, and
 make great deal of money" "Dot ish all humbug," said the old man indignantly. ''1 give lessons so I get drunk, and now you wants me to keep sober so I can give lessons. Dot ish all humbug. "-Texas Sift- ings.
 Some Mitigating Circumstances.-"See here Jones, Il want to talk to you 8 moment" :" | said an Austin philanthropist; "don't you know you are not doing your duty by your 1 That's not the way fond father should treat | his children" "Well, now, I don't know | about that" replied Jones. 'I don't be-
 lieve you fully realize what you are talking l about. Now, I have brother whose oldest l son was sent up for two years for horse steal l ing, and the judge, in sentencing him, said | that his ignorance and lack of early eduea- 1 tion were strong mitigating circumstances in | the case; and instead of making the sentence I ten years, which he would have done had the
 boy received any education, he would make
 it only two. Now, do you suppose I am going to rob my boys of those mitigating circumstances that have already been such 8 | bonanza in the family? No, sir; before do,
 hope my right arm will cleave to the roof of my mouth!"-Texas Siftings.