The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1887-10-13
WIT AND HuMOR.
In the bright lexicon of Wall street
ne of the largest words is "Fail. -

Life. Il
II aim to tell the truth" ''Yes,"
interrupted an acquaintance, but
you are very bad shot. Chicago
Living Church.
The Journals ideal reckless man Is
the one who does not take off his hat
when speaking to railway officiai.-
Lincoisa Journal.
It's sweet, revengeful thought
ahat when walters sit down to eat they
have to be waited on by some of the |
other walters. Washington Critic.
Robert Garrett wants to repair
his shattered fortunes let him take the
place of one of his sleeping-car Por-
fers for few runs.-Pittsburg Com
znerciaI Gazette.
Col. Higginson has written paper
on new Kind of bonds-the New
England Vagabonds." They are eou-
pom bonds-cut off from society.
7smgtos Free Press.
The average woman thinks great
deal more about the condition OF her
crimps than she does about the condl-
fion of her soul; aud the average man
wouldn't like her half SO well II she
didn' t. SoHerville journal.
..In the Mexican church choir no
woman is allowed to sing" says cor
respondent. There are great many
church choirs in this country where
women don't sing. But unfortunately
they try.-Neso York Tribune.
! The kind of a political party that
bracing plank which prohibits can
didates giving away cigars that cost
aess than five cents each, or three Tor
m dime.-Ds1luth Photographer.
Drawing-room car: First porter
Gin q hurry 'Another washout!
Second porter (excitedly)-"Wh here;
wherep" First porter Gas he disap-
spears through the next car)-'On
khe clotheslinep- Herald.
"What does a diploma meanp" is the
heading of an article in an exchange.
1t means that the boy has bled his
fathers pocketbook just about as long
ms the old man will stand it. Some
times it means a good deal more
Bismarck Tribune.
Young Mr.. Waldo Ito Miss Breezy
What soft, beautiful complexion
your friend Miss Wabash has, Miss
Breezy? Miss Breezy-Yes, and dom
YOU think, Mr.. Waldo, that it is ever
more SO on one side than it is on the
otherP.Nes0 York sam.
The mind cure has already abol
ished all disease. Nobody has any
disease; the trouble is simply they
think they have Another society il
TO be started to enable people to iif
themselves up by the straps OF thel
hoofs Hartford COxTG72t.
Mrs. Minks-..Does your boy shov
.nv particular bent yetp" Mrs. Blink
Yes, indeed. He'll be q notes
scientist some day." .iDo YOU reail,
think SOP" 80, there's no doubt of
at all. He always uses the bigges
Words he knows. Omaha World.
Inspector Byrnes tells about pre-
fecting Wall street from professions
criminals. What the community II
euires is rigorous law to protect
confiding public from the legaiize
Wall street thieves. 1t is unjust
hound bunko-man while they are &
large.-Jesoelry Neos.
Nothing is more discouraging to a
average man than to read about tt
weighty proceedings and learned di
courses of the doctors at Washington
and then reflect that all the physician
he ever met have failed to make n
liver work rhythmically and smoothl..
-NebrdskG State Journal.
What is your favorite flower. M
Hayseedp' asked Miss Lilybud. .sTt
tuber rows, marin, the tuber rows
said the good old man, for it was h
shouldering his hoe. and marchiu
down to the potato patch. This mig
be considered pun de terrible. E.
cuse my French.-Bmrdette
A Partisan paper is authority for tt
statement that Prince Bismarck dot
not care to act as mediator on Il
Bulgarian question. 1t is probab
that Bismarck has been reading som
where about the fate which has b
fallen certain base ball umpires
this countTy.-Neao York World.
Here is the longest correct senten,
of ''thats" which we have yet see
~sI assert that that, that that thai
that that that that person told me CO..
fained, implied, has been misunde
which may be easily s'parsed" by
bright pupil.-Journal Of Eduedsio
Miss Litewater (on the beach
Long Branch)-Ah, Mr.. Kenyon,
2ove the sea, and next to that 10
the free and boundless West. Do y,
take any interest in the West, N
Kewpona Kenyon Gust from w,
street)-Only the usual rate. Ten p
cent i'm Dakota and Montana, and z
B in the other Territories Rarpe
BGzGr.
Catherine Owen has published
book called Ten Dollars Enough
She may think so now; but by the til
she gets all the jet trimming and st
for the overskirt she will find th
about $40 more is necessary, not
cluding the dressmaker's bill. T
dollars is enough for the material,
trimming and making cost like ski
-N0rristoaOn Herald.
Omaha hotel man-'You are q VIC
derfully lucky boniface, just thin
You have kept a hotel at Saratoga
five seasons and never had q scand
yet" Saratoga hotel man-'.No lu
about it. It's good management
Management" "Yes, sir. nev
allow my clerks to give man
wife's letters or woman her hr
bands letters. &c Omaha World.
Not long ago well-known art
sent to q lady whom he had met 81
eral times one of his best pictur,
handsomely framed, as souvenir 81
The next day he received q note fro
the lady, in which she thanked b
for the picture, but begged to retu
the frame, as she made it rule ney
10 accept anything valuable as a 2
from q gentleman.-Nese York Z
bHse.
sin making up party for tray
ing excursion" said Charles Dud
Warner to friend who was planni
one, always be sure to have it
clude at least one ignorant wom'
She will ask all the questions you
ashamed to ask or think, you dc
need to ask, and you will secure
benefit of vast deal of informant
you would otherwise lose" -
Epoch.
A Chicago millionaire who has tr
eled a great deal is visiting in Line
Il IL