Iron County register., 1887-11-03
Mr.. AND MRS. BowsER
Richard Moses Makes an Unfortunate At.
tempt at Oratory.

LILO lo6d Cnde oOWS0I duu are
constantly quarreling. or that he is a
failure as a husband. No family is
happier than ours. and Mr.. Bowser is
one of the best husbands in the
world. He Is simply little bit queer.
That is, we haven't been married
quite long enough for mo to tone him
down. Like many other young hus-
bands he wears much larger hat
now than he will a couple of years
hence. but that is fault instead of an
evil. The other evening he came
home in a state of excitement prom
enaded around the house with his nose
in the air for while, and then in
CURED:
Did those books come up, Mrs.
BowserP''
There was a package came up.
Have you been getting another batch
of useless books?"
"All books are useless to some peo-
pie. Mrs. Bowser! If you were like
some wives 1 know of you'd encour-
age your husband instead of insulting
him."
''Well. I shall be glad to have YOU
read every evening. History or poll
tics?'
Neither. They are works on ora
tory
"What?'
'.Mrs. Bowser, I have been advised
by my many friends to take few
lessons in elocution and delivery, and
to then accept some of the numerous
invitations rendered me to address
this or that society or organization.
Richard Moses Bowser, you cam t
be in earnest!'
That's it! Yell out at the top of
your voice and tell every body in De-
troit that my name is Richard Moses!
Maybe it sounds better than Major.
Why shouldn't I pluck the laurels
from the field of oratoryp If some
people are satisfied to grovcl in the
dust they needn't try to prevent others
from soaring to the clouds"
'But you have no presence-no
voice"
Il haven't, ehP I was present
enough. and made myself pretty we'll
understood when I asked your hand in
marriage! You don't know me. Mrs.
Bowser. See here"
And he drew himself up to his full
hight, which is trifl Q over five feet
swelled his stomach out and as he
lifted himself up on his toes he waved
his arm and began:
Gentlemen may cry peace, peace,
but there is no peace. The next gale
which sweeps from the North will
bring to us the clash of arms
Eyes, Mr.. Bowser. but your voice is
squeaky, and you are very, very short.
Please give it up. I should feel aw-
fully bad if you made failure"
''Squeaky voice! Very, very short!
Make failure! Mrs. Bowser, you
want to choke me off, but you can't
do it! You will yet be deafened by
the plaudits of the multitude who
cheer my oratory."
He had five or six books of speeches,
dialogues and lessons in preparatory
greatness, and as soon as supper was
over he locked himself in the library
and began. He was still going it
when I went to bed, and at midnight
l was awakened to see him before the
glass on the dresser and to hear him
saying:
II tell you. gentlemen, that the bull
warks of American liberty are totter-
ing to their foundations. A few more
such acts as these and-a few more-a
few more-a few more such acts as
as"
"If you wake up the baby he may
have cramps" said.
Mr.. Bowser was so indignant that he
would not utter a word in reply, nor
did he address me until after dinner
next day. He continued his labors for
a week, or ten days. ranging in his
outbursts of oratory from ''The Dying
Child to can Appeal for Liberty"
Then, from what could overhear,
I made up my mind that he was pre-
pairing an address for special occa-
sion. He couldn't keep the news to
himself, but soon informed me that he
was to soon address the Young M ems
Liberty Club
pity the poor man when l look
back over those days. He W rote and
re-wrote. I think he prepared as
many as six or seven addresses before
he got one to suit, and he spent at
least fourteen hours per day trying to
commit it to memory. He looked
upon me as his enemy and refused to
have any further conversation on the
subject until the day of the evening
when he was to speak. Then, being ap-
parently very nervous. he remarked:
DO you think my voice has i'm
provedp"
Il hope it has"
There you go! Do your very best
to discourage me ~
At midnight they brought Mr.. b ow-
ser home in a hack. He was in a
nervous chill. He went upon the plat
form to deliver his address, and began:
FELLOW CTTIzENs-Let me assure
you that highly appreciate the great
honor paid me by this club in selecting
in choosing-in picking me out to
deliver-deliver-in picking me out
in-in-"
That was as far as he got; one boy
yelled out: go it. Shortyr' and others
told him to take his nose off, put a
brick on his tongue, etc. and he broke
right down. The papers next morning
charitably refrained from even men,
tioning his name. was looking to see
if any thing was said, when Mr.. Bow
ser came down to breakfast l smiled
at him kindly, but he shook one fist at
a. L. Ill 81 ND