The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1887-09-06
POLICE COURT.
The Victims of the Law Before
His Honor This Morn
ing.


in all directions, excepting in his
honor's face.
John Henry Summers-What am |
here for?
Attorney Hoffman Being drunk
of course.
j. III. ST. was not drunk. | don't
drink. | am a moral man, too nice
for that am
Judge-Order in the court. You
will have an opportunity to unfold
your tale before this tribunal in a few
minutes.
You'll have chance to tell the court
Just what you have been a doin'.
If drinking twist Leg tempting sport.
Or treacherous woman wooin'.
j. III. ST. was not drunk, and /
know it.
Judge-Order. lGavels falls heavily
and more splinters flew into the air. ]
j. III. S. Il was not
Judge Il must have order in this
court or I'll send for a stuffed club be-
sides this gavel, and I'll enforce the
mandate.
j. III. S.-Mumbled something in
audible. and then gazed out of the
window, wondering, audibly, if the
summer was over and the autumn had
come.
Judge Who is here to be tried to-
day?
Marshal Jackson-I'm here with
Dave Majors, who carries a gun to
protect his person.
Judge-Mr. Majors in court?
A tall, lean, lank and cadaverous
fellow, with unkempt hair, stood up.
Judge-You are charged with car
rying concealed weapons against the
law of the city. What have you to
say?
M-Guilty.
81 carried the "pop" for don't you see
Pm often out at nights
And footpads from my pathway flee
When it asserts my rights"
City Attorney What did you car
~ the pistol for?
Moot out of a boarding house
yesterday and had no place to keep it.
Had it done up in a paper in nay
pocket.
Attorney-Was it loaded.
Marshal-Had two loads in it, suit
able for killing stone dead, a grizzly
bear.
Majors NO load in it when it was
taken from me.
Judge-Usual fine, Mr.. Majors, of
$25. Can't carry concealed fire arms
without paving for it.
Majors have no money.
ShObe Rock pile good enough for |
people who carry guns, except the
policeman.
Judge Take your seat, Mr.. Majors, |
and mediate on the shortcomings of
the human race.
Think of cid Colorow having his fun,
Soaring the paleface to death,
And good sheriff Kendall firing his gun,
While Meeker is holding it's breath.
Next.
Marshal-John Henry Summers is
before your honor.
The judge looked over his spectacles
and gazed upon John, who is an old
offender.
Judge-Were you drunk, Mr.. Sum-
mers?
Summers-No Judge, I was just as
sober as you are, SO help me God.
who can judge us both and makes no
mistakes, like you and these police
men.
Judge-Silence such talk, or I'll
fine you for contempt of court,
Summers-I don't mean any harm
by such talk, but l was not drunk.
Twas not drunk, 1 never was, I
only had spell
OF tiredness-but of whisky, Judge,
didn't have smell.
Judge-Who made the arrest 4?
Marshal-Shobe run him in.
Summers-I was sober Judge.
Yes, as sober as Mary's little lamb,
Or Blaine, when he danced upon the
green,
In fact just as sober as your honor when
you're calm,
Or an oyster in a church stew's tureen.
Judge-The officer can tell.
Summers-Well, I'll leave it to
Shobe, he's all right.
Judge-Shobe. was Summers drunk?
Shoho-Yes cir
Summers-Two men "held me up"
about midnight. They stole my
hat, and took forty cents of of me.
Judge-Who were they?
Summers-They were strangers to
me. I
Judge--Fine you S.. This is
new deal and will be lenient with