Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1887-11-04
OUR KALEIDOsCoPE

ing arrangement.
1.-THE sphere of woman is to elevate
man." says writer True, 10 doubt,
yet the same might be said of whiskey and
dynamite
Two mammoths teeth have been dug out
of a sandpit in Omaha. They haven't
been claimed yet. Everybody seems to be
waiting for Hank White to do it,
The farmer makes his living by the
grain in the field, and the carpenter 10y
the grain in the wood.
Member of the society for the preven-
ton of cruelty tn cards "Isaac, | charge
you, beware of the gaming table"
Isaac: Charge me for dot advice Ply
chiminy gracious, | Won't pay !"
She (blushing), eyes, Reginald, if you
insist upon it, we will he married next
month. But | have one stipulation to
make"
what is that, dearest ?"
"There must be no cards. | solemniy
promised dear papa, when | was 10 years
old, that | would never have anything to
do with cards.
II understand that Robinson, the big
cigar manufacturer, owns farm. Isn't
that rather a queer wrinkle for man of
his tastes 20
"Not at all, sir. He has 800 acres grown
to cabhages."
The newspapers are telling about a Con-
necticut woman who knit 12 pairs of
stockings in two days. We should Just
! like to know the author of this yarn.
High school girl, in book store "Have
you the new poem, The Love Affair at
Sea Beach ~
| Proprietor "No, miss, but we have
"The Light of Asia and all of Shakes
peare's works"
High school girl: con, pshaw You're
way behind the times. The Light Of
Asia was snutfed out long ago, and
Shakespeare is proved to have been moth
ing but an old Duccaneer ~
They were to have young Mr.. Law de
! Dab to dinner, and Miss Travis quietly re-
marked as she changed the glass at his
plate 81 must get Mr.. Law de Dab some
soft water. 1t wouldn't do for him to
drink anything hard, you know"
doctor, if it is simply my blood that is
out of order, why do have such wretched
| headaches ~
"Ah, madam you must know that gem
eral disorders are apt TO manifest them
selves in the weakest portion of the body"
To make a long story short-send it to
the editor of a newspaper
All lies in the way of putting it-pitch-
ing base ball.
An English lady who was contrasting
English and American beauty was brought
up all standing when the editor to whom
she was talking meekly suggested that it
was probably all "the fault of the types
"Now what did he mean by that ?"-said
she.
Nine theatres in London are managed
by women. 1t is safe to say that there are
no flies on them.
They tell story in New Jersey about a
tramp who was caught and forcbly
shaved, and who pinned away and died the
day after. But we don't believe word OF
it.
"Well, Mr. President" asked Wash
ington man, what is the biggest crowd
you have seen within the past three
weeks ~
1.-The office seekers when struck Wash
ington," replied Mr. Cleveland, sadly.
"Cau you tell me, darling" he asked, as
they sat together in the weak spot of the
sofa, 1.-The exact physiological and mathe
matical duration of kiss :"
about second snd half, believe, -
she answered, demurely
Thanks" he replied. 81 will make {
minute of it,"
Eyes" said Mrs. Bascom to her neigh
Dor, Mrs. Ponsonby, IL always did admire
Deacon Samuels He is the most dignified
looking man when he is asleep, that evel
saw"
Young author entering newspaper sane
tum MAY | ask, Mr.. Editor what dis
position you made Of that story in foul
parts, which | sent you last week ?"
Editor: "EI-um,-oh | was obliged t
revise the manuscript, sir. It is now in .
parts. Henry, remove the office dog from
the waste box ana assist the gentleman il
recovering his property"
The Granger who took in n cheque
On II bank that had ali gone to WrrlQue
Was SO whemed with chasr.n
That his barn he went in
And he hung himself up by the necque.
IOHterS Gazette.
When young lady offers to hem .
cambria handkerchief for rich younl
bachelor acquaintance, you can set i
down that she means 10 sew in order tina
she may reap.-Imcrican artisan.
Mamma, what is n casus belliy
Mother-My child never speak of any
thing so indicate. 1t is the Latin TO
stomachache. Life
Old lady (much shocked)-Little boys
what are you playing shiny" for on tn
Sabbath day
} Little boys-W,le playin' for fl cents
game.-Puck
In Costa Rica there is not a single mil
, linery store. Married men who wan
tickets TO Costa Rica should 90 mp I,
the Office before the rush begins Bdltt
more HCruld.
Miss Dewdrop-Don't you think Mr.
Rosebush has a very sensitive mouth
Miss Rayne (blnshing Violenty)-Hov
should know y-I'id BitS
The dy;enite gun may he sold to hav,
several a,tn> Iu It-.-- RuchtNtCr Post EC
press.