The Arkansaw traveler., 1887-12-03

A IeW udy dRO TeCelNeU DTleI epistle from young man who is af- flicted with a weak chest. have re- ceived several epistles upon the same subject of late, but have been too busy to respond to them separately. As I do not own typewriter that will pound off a dozen tissue letters at once, take this method of answering the young men who sigh for pointers. The letter from the Troy gentleman will suffice for the present occasion. Here it is:
 TROY, N. Y. Aug. 10, 1887. MR. KELLER:
 Detr Sir-I have tried different kinds of exerclse for development of the chest. but no marked results have followed. I joined the Y. NJ. C. A. last summer and started out to de- velope my chest with football exercise, My calves are abnormally developed but my chest still retalns its insignificant meagre- ness. Do you advise sparring as a method of enlarging the chest? am twentytwo wears of age, measure six feet three in my stocking feet and weigh one hundred and seven pounds My chest girth is twenty eight inches. wear a No. hat. If you can give me any pointers I will be under obligations to you. Respectfully yours,
 AUGUsTUs J. JONES.
 Now, the average reader will notice at one glance as he erects Gussie's physical frame in his minds eye, that there is painful lack of equipoise ex- isting between the young mans hat band and girth of chest. I will not venture to say that he may be suffer- ing with enlargement of the cranium, but hope he will not take exceptions to my assertion; viz., he is troubled with brain collie. Now, brain collie has never yet been successfully and advantageously treated by either the followers of the new or old school of physicians. In fact, we must look be- yond the medical fraternity for en- lightenment. The humble tiller of the soil is better adapted to the treat ment of brain collie than any physi- clan l can name at present. When his sons hat-band begins to warp and pinch (the first symptoms by the way, are curtailment of pants and an aversion for color) and the milking hour hovers like the crack of doom the old gentleman buys good, healthy section of wood lot and sets the patient to work clearing it off with sharp axe and tin pail filled with cold pancakes and steamed bread.
 However, this is not sermon. Mir. Augustus J. Jones has asked me tor my opinion of sparring as chest de- veloper, and he'll get it. First, I'd like to tell him about my personal ex- perience with sparring. 1t was short and not sweet, but wholly conclusive, if mt SatiSfacfOrV in mo
 was troubled with enlargement of adipose tissue, and was advised to try sparring as a method of reducing my weight. Ijoined l a club and became a full -tledged member upon pay ment of five dollars ill advance for the first month. I was presented with pair of boxing gloves and an ivory tablet. I knew what the gloves were for, but the ivory tablet was a vague uncertainty to me. They told me it was to tally my points with. In other words, whenever hit my man in the eye it counted ten points for me. If got a lifer in the region of the shirt tag it counted five points against me. If I knocked my antagonist out in three rounds l went up fifty points. Ii he knocked me out I went back fifty points and had to pay for medical treatment out of my private purse. If killed my rival had ten minutes to board the first freight train and leave the country. If he killed me he had the same privilege, and I would be buried with honors and every mem- Der of the club would wear crepe rosette for thirty days.
 The inducement was large, but &C., cepted it.
 Augustus, I put on those gloves. mopped up the floor and spattered the ceiling with dummy. You see, they were not certain of my powers, and wanted me to first try stuffed fig ure. thumped that dummy for two weeks and waxed fat. grew heavier and my hat band measured two sizes larger than normal.
 Then they gave me real live man to handle.
 He was a small, unobtrusive man, with large amount of reserve power behind his conical- shaped skull. smiled atfably when they introduced me to the real man.
 Augustus, I could knock the stuffed dummy's frontal bone away back into it's shirt collar, but couldn't touch that real, live man with boxing glove fastened to the end of hop pole. I didn't score point but it cost me ninety mine dollars for the doctor to patch up my battered front ispiece. Sad, isn't it?
 Now let me give you little bit of fatherly advice about chest enlarge ment. You are erected upon the plan of a gas pipe or fish pole. You may 1 mt meet with snccess as q hoxar hut