Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1887-07-23
Aping English Customs.

ApmS EnelSn Cu6sOADs
Nearly every true American who
daily perambulates the streets OF our
large cities is at times puzzled to know
whether or not he has been suddenly
transported to some English city. The
conglomerated mass of humanity that
surrounds him is confusing. Here,
there, and everywhere can be seen I'll
colors and classes of nationalities. AT
the corner he meets the Italian, the
fruit monopolizer: in every avocatlon OF
life can be seen the Irishman; within
the red-fronted store reigns the retlcent
Cinnamon; on ali sides his ears are be-
sieged with mongrel Dutch, the more
classic German, the hearty Southern
information of the negro, and the insinu-
ating oily phrases of the Frenchman.
After partially recovering from hls
bewilderment, the true American looks
around him for q few of his kind. He
finds three classes of Americans; the
true American, clad in neat business
suit, demonstrating that the wearer Is
more anxious to cultivate his brain than
cater to public opinion as to what he
should eat, drink, or wear.
Coming down the street can be seen
American No. 2. He is picture and
such picture! Shoes, sharp at the
toes as toothpick (heels very apt to
be run over, but highly polished
thanks to some friends backing and
brush = skin-tight pantaloons, kid
gloves, eye glass, three-button cuta-
way, somebody's secondhand fall over
coat, cut down to the present
wearer's size, a Central Park sycamore
tree for a cane, polished brass watch
chain running from either of the lower
vest pockets to the end of which are
keys; an often-brushed and time
honored plug hat, held together by the
application of mucilage upon the in
side. The back part of the head of
the American No. 2 is closely cropped,
a la Sing Sing style: on the top front
is a slightly tufted dais, and a few
strands of hair are brushed over either
ear. No matter how cold the day, his
cut-down fall overcoat is conspicuous
not by its absence, but by its presence.
When importuned by his more sensible
friends as to why he does not put on q
warmer top-coat, he exclaims: "Cawnt
do it, yer know; my fannels are so
heavy, my deah fellah, that heavy
coat would be uncomfortable. At
that very moment the summer flannel
shirt is pitifully signing for an envelop-
ment beneath a warmer outside gar
ment; the very bones sympathize one
with the other in their chilled sockets;
the watery blood is running at low tide,
and the Intercepted is shivering 80
perceptibly at the time he says "Cawn't
do it, yer know" that the very words
seem to be broken particles of ice.
Who can wear a heavy coat if he hasn't
got one, or can't beg, borrow. or steal
one? This picture is the American
dude. He dresses this way because
cts English, you know"
Here comes the third AmericanEn-
glisman or English-American, just as
you will have it. Always in a great
hurry. He, too, carries q cane, or
rather small tree. Look at his shoes.
Size No. Ii, five inches wide. and soles
at least an inch thick. These shoes are
called "Waukenphasts" = an English
term. Every time a shoe strikes the
pavement, the bricks groan and the I'M
lucky insect that is in the path of the
coming destroyer at once commence to
pray, for he knows that the day for
winding up earthly accounts has ar
rived. The ulster of America, No. 3,
would cover twelve dudes of average
size and weight, and the majority of
dudes are of feather weight and NOM
inal size. But the prominent feature
of No. 3 is the pantaloons. tt ~ are
very apt to consist of large white and
black blocks that look like series of
checkerboards sewed together.-The
Earth.
AT meeting of the Royal Geograph-
ical Society in London few nights ago
The paper of the evening was read by
the celebrated African explorer. DR..
Junker, the subject being Explorations
in Central Africa" He said that he
had been engaged in exploration
in Central Africa during the past
seven years, and, although he
had encountered many and serious diff
ficulties he had haen enabled to ex.