Waterbury evening Democrat., 1887-12-17

tone ground for the bitter complaint of
 sympathy made afterward by the pro vost marshal in his report. But we cared comparatively little for this, of which, ln: aeed, we then knew nothing. We had never expected to receive much help from the people outside. and would not have dared, for fear of treachery, to accept 1t If offered. But we wished to find that peace in believing that we had heard of Chrlstlans possessing. What would we not now have given for the counsels and assistance of 8 minister we could fully trust!
 It IS delicate matter to speak of the beginning of one's own religious ife-to say neither too much nor too little; but in the hope of guiding some other who is feeling after the truth, I will venture, using the light that twenty-five years have thrown back on those early days.
 After the terrible 18th of June I am not conscious of any experience of re- ligious character for several days, except profound and burning conviction that it is folly to wait for death before trying to be right with God. might be sinful or wicked again, but the idea that the great business of life may safely be left to the last could influence me no more! Just how to be religious was puzzle. knew if I had command to execute from an army officer I would do it, if in my power, no matter how difficult or dangerous; and wished intensely that it was just as easy to be religious as to be e soldier Bat there was the question of right feelings and right motives that did not seem to come into play very much in the army; for if soldier did his duty, he was not apt to be asked how he felt about it; l had the belief that must have joy and rap ture in thinking of death, a readiness to shout Gods praises which I did not feel; and for time it seemed as if l could never reach q genuine conversion. l diligently read the Bible which we had borrowed, but while I enjoyed many things in it, little direct guidance for me was found. asked counsel of Capt. Fry, for whom I had the greatest esteem and respect. But it was so easy for him to believe that I thought his case must be very unlike my own. I also spoke to J. K. Porter, the only one of our number who had clear religious faith, and seemed to be happy in it His first answer was very striking. l asked how he felt about death. He thought that I referred to our worldly prospects, and answered that probably we would soon all be put to death. ''But what is your feeling about death itself?'' con- tinued. He said:
 ''I am not afraid to die, if it is Gods will; trust him now, and l expect to trust him to the last.'' He took my hand and there was a steady light in his eye that made me believe every word he said. But when asked him how he got such a faith he could only tell me that he went to Methodist "mourners' bench" two years before and sought till he found it. This l did me no good, for there was no such place accessible here.
 In sore perplexity read the Bible from day to day and prayed, taking my turn in | praying aloud and reading with the others. At length thought I began to see that trusting Christ meant something like taking his words and teachings for my guide, trying to do all that he com mands, and leaving the result, while did this, with him. This was not that sud den transformation that had hoped, but soon found that it opened up good many things that had never dreamed of. One
 of these seemed especially strange under the circumstances. Ihad yet but slender
 hope of ever escaping from the prison ex- cept by the way of the scaffold. But in spite of the dark prospect the question came as an absolute test of my obedience,
 ssWil you, if satisfied that it is Gods
 will, be ready to give up the profession of law if you ever get home and go into the
 ministry2' The first and spontaneous re-
 ply was, 'tNov' I had studied law and l ,,,oovf fo otioo if ovor crOf xUho0e