Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1887-05-07
PT1H AND POINr.
A HAcK-DRIvER-A cough drop.

L "a nACh~O01t "a NO0SS2 SAAOkS
A PAIR of slippers-Two tobogganA
"WHo shall decide when doctors dis
agree?" Sometimes the undertaken.
ais THE head of the family in, bub ?"
asked a washing wringer peddler.
yes" mothers in there" replied
Johnny.
AN advertiser in Texas calls for ian
industrious man, as boss hand over
5000 head of sheep that can speak
Spanish fuently."
SMYTH-I see our doctors are having
q great boom now? De Forests that
so? Smyth-Yes; we're going to have
two new cemeteries. = NeU HdUen
NeaUs
"MEN must work and women must
| weep" This is incorrect. When men
work, women smile and are happy. It
Is when men drink that women weep.
Try again, Brother Kingsley.
"YoU seem to be in the clouds, Mr..
Pegasus, "'said friend to an absent
minded verse writer the day after the
class dinner. II certainly do feel like
thunder. was the weary reply.
The success of Sam Jones as a
preacher is said to lie in his power of
illustration. In this respect Sam stands
upon the same plane with the artist
who makes pictures for the papers.
BARKEEPERs are men who like to see
friendly feelings prevailing among their
customers, or, in other words, they like
to see their customers treating each
other well-and often.-BOstO7a CoaI-
Tier.
AN irate female seeks admittance to
the editors sanctum. "But tell you,
madam" protests the attendant, "that
the editor is too i'll to talk to any one
to-day" "Never mind; you let me in,
I'll do the talking"
AFTER debating long time as to the
proper inscription to put on the grave
stone of q man who was blown to pieces
by powder-mi1l, his friends decided
on the following: "He was . man o.
excellent parts. - Burlington Free
Press.
A New ORLEANS editor has discov-
cred that fishing is hard work. It was
generally supposed that fishing was
easy enough, but that it was the lying
about the big ones which got away that
entailed the hard labor.-Norvistoac1a
Herald.
A New YORK Judge has decided that
"cornering" is crime. When you re-
turn home few inches after midnight
by the clock, and your wife begins to
question and "cross" examine you, and
finally begins to corner" you, call her
attention to this decision. -Norristoav9a
Herald.
WHILE marching the streets at Ban.
gor, Me-, some of us had a narrow es-
cape of becoming martyrs for Jesus,
for somebody fired at us three times,
and when we got to the hall we found
three bullets had lodged in the drum;
but glory be to God! if they destroy
our bodies they cannot destroy our
souls. Fire away. Mr.. Devil, we shall
soon be bullet-proof. Glory to God -
Salvation army Var CRY.
The old church in Torrington had
pew for "nigger men" and another for
"colored ladies'" Also "high pew for
gentlemen VISITORS" and one for "bach-
elors" and "old maids" respectively.
Stranger still, it is claimed that tho
last-named was occupied on Sunday.
This goes ahead of New Hartford's old
church, which had one pew set apart
for the widows, one for the deacons,
and one in the gallery for Indians. =
Torri'agtoo Conn., Register.
OMAHA G1RL-Mercy me! You GER
tainly don't mean to say that that beau
tiful Miss Million is going to marry a
Chinese laundryman? New York girl
oh, you misunderstood me, dear; he !
is not laundryman, he is member of
the Chinese legation at Washington.
but he is Chinaman, all the same"
eyes, but he is thoroughly Christian
lied" "Are you sure?" eyes, indeed.
He is a graduate of an American college
and was the best pitcher in the ball
club. "-Onaaha World.
DIsILLUsION.
Said sil'er slim dude. with an emphasis rude
OF damsel ahead whom he swiftly pursued:
Now this rain will use
AS q clever excuse
To share her umbrella and capture her mood.
For the style Of her dress and her trimmings ex-
press
She's maiden of taste, and of fashion guess
it isn't quite grace
In her motions trace
There is strength which is better I'm bound to |
confess.
Now" he said, will make a dashing old |
break;
Clear the tracki Now, hope she won't give me |
the shake" |
Then he sprang to her side
Great Heaven |" he cried
Excuse me- he stammered, I've made mis- |
take"
Cried the maiden, @Whoorool Phat's the mather |
wild you?
Come av ye loike, there be shelter for two;
am taking jaInt
To the corner beyant,
To get few murphies to put in the sthew.'
.Terds Siftia0s.
The Rev. DR.. Talmage, who has just |
to Brooklyn from his Western |
tour, said in late sermon to his con-
4