The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1887-12-17
Aunt Melissy ON Boys.

J. 7. Trowbridge, in N. Y. Independent.
Aunt Melissy first told her story about
Boys many years ago and it has since
been extensively read and recited in
public. But, though copyrighted in
1877, it is now for the first time print
ed, as nearly as possible in the language
of the estimable old lady. Imagine
her smoothing her cap, puckering her
mouth, and proceeding to give her ex-
perience as follows:
l hain't nothin' agin' boys, as SIGH.
They're necessary part O. creation, l
s'pose-like good many disagreeable
things But deliver me! I'd ruther
bring up family Of nine gals, any day
in the year, with cats and dogs throw'd
in, than one boy.
Gittin' fsh-hooks into their jacket,
pockets, to stick in yer fingers washin'-
days! Gals don't carry fsh-hooks in
their jacket-pockets. Tearin' their
trousis, a.climbin' fences perfectly
reckless an then, patch ! patch Gals
don't tear their trousis a-climbin'
fences.
Kiverin' the floor with whiddlin's S
soon as ever you're got nicely slicked
up ali then down must come the broom
an dust-pan agin an remember once
when KEEP house for Uncle Amos, |
he'd the Dorkis S'iety to tea, an I'd
been maxim nice dish o'cream-toast,
an we was waitin' for the minister
blessed soul The mos gener'ly drop
ped in to tea when the S'iety met, an
he never failed when twas to our house,
he was so fond of my cream-toast-an'
bimeby he came in-an' when every
1ooy %as reanyn n Ihe THe n EltckeR nhaair1b
where ia left 'em to keep warm, al
i put 'em ontew the table, and we drawed
up our chairs, an got quite, an never
noticed anything was out O. the way,
till bimeby, jess the minister-blessed
soul was a-askin' the blessin', kind
o. opened one corner of my eye to see
how the tabled looked-for l prided
myself on my table l declare to
goodness, if l didn't think l should go
right through the top of the house i
For there was the great, splendid, ele-
CANT, nice dish O cream-toast, stuccoted
all over with pine whiddlin's right be-
tween the blazin' candles Lucindy'd
put on jes' as we was asettin' down.
Ye see, I'd poured the cream over
the toast the last thing when set it
by the fire, an never noticed Hezekier
in the corner a.whiddlin' out his canew
Il should say canew! Why, that air
cream toast was like foamin' cataract
kivered by fleet of canews, where the
widdlin's was curled up ont capsized,
stickin' up eendways an every which
way, enough to make decent house
keeper go intew fits! An I thought /
should ! / thought never could keep
still, an set through the good mans
blessin' this world!
1 shet my eyes, an tried to keep
my mind ontew things speritooal, but |
couldn't for my life think of anything
but the pesky whiddlin's in the toast
an how was ever goin' to snatch it
off'm the table an out O. sight, the
minute the blessin' was through, an
fore the minister-blessed soul !-or
anybody had their eyes open to the
material things-for right ontew the
tail of the Amen, ye know, comp'ny
uvW kind o'look round, hopeful and
conf table, to see what creatur' COM
forts is put afore 'em. But watched
my chance.
l knowed perty well the way he mos
gener'ly alters tapered off, an soon's
ever that long -hankered-for Amen come
out, jumped like cat at mouse,
had that air toast Off m the table,
whisked it into the pantry, picked the
whiddlin's out with my thumb-an'- fin
ger, give that Hezekier good smart
box on the ear, as a foretaste of what
was in store for him when the comp'ny
was gone, an had it back ontew the
table agin, all serene an beautiful,
only noticed Miss Bumblewick-she's S
got eyes like lynx, an she was dreffle
Jealous of my housekeepin'-she'd seen
suthinl she looked awful queer an
puzzled an l was mortified tew death
when the minister-blessed soul i
a-eatin' of his slice, took suthin' tough
out of his mouth, and laid it careful
under the side of his plate. He was
wonderful perlite man, an not a soul
| in the world sides me an him ever
'spected he'd been chorrin' ontew a
pine whiddlin'!
That's jest a specimint O. that 'air
Hezekier. His excuse alters was, he
didn't mean ter dew it. Once his pa
give him about tew quarts O. seed corn
| in bucket, an told him to put it to
soak-his pa gener'ly soaked his seed
corn for plantin' he said it come uE
so much quicker. Hezekier, he took
the bucket, but he was tew lazy to gil
any water, so he jest ketched up the
fust thing come handy, which happen.
ed to be jug O. rum, an poured II
all into the corn, an then went to fyin'
his kite-he had the kite fever that
year, an the trees was jest full of tails
an strings, an there was one skeleton
remember left hangin' in the big peal
tree all winter-made me so provoked
Wal, that afternoon, his pa was sa-goin
through the woodshed, an he KEEP
snufin', snuffin', till bimeby says he
sMelissy,' says he, what under tht
canopy ye been doin' with rum7' say
he. Of course hadn't been doin