Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1887-04-01
OUR KALEIDOSCOPE

the bluest bird you ever saw.
The best jump of antiquity was 81 feet.
The art of bending pins has evidently
been lost.
Bigsby ooh, dear don't believe I get
three hours sleep out of the "a now"
Dumpsey: yes insomnia is terrible
inniction."
Bgsby: "Thut may be, but 1t don't com
pare with II baby"
There seems to have come double bar
rest in the march to Sing Sing.
A returned missionary from India says
that during 10 years she never saw Hin
doc child receive a caress from its mother.
How about spanking
A Chicago passenger agent was bounced
the other day for telling the truth. He
says he is going into the newspaper bust
ness, where veracity is no objection.
Winter must have lots of fun lingering
in the lap of such sour ill-natured, I'M
lovable spring as this is.
1t is said that Gen. Sherman takes no
stimulants whatever, except the detection
of cherry lips.
An Arkansas judge took glass of water
on his wedding day, and died almost in.
stantly. His friends were afraid the shock
would be too much for him, but the bride
insisted upon it.
The New York EUening sun is read.
The Ottoman empire doesn't compare
with the democracy of the sofa.
There is one consistent thing about a
bachelor: He rips what he sews.
| hn i1 70, M,a
Langtry, but that Gerhard is. Daeent
dasn't.
1t is against the law in Massachusetts
to guess at the number of seeds in Il
pumpkin, but it isn't against the law to
lie about the size of the pumpkin.
Strange as it may seem, drummers do
not beat their way.
A Maine sheriff writes Luke out for
an eskapped criminul. He has feerce
mustache and sin astr eXpreshun."
Professor Baird says that fl-hes some
times live to be $50 years old. They be-
come eligible for the ballet at IS
Jay Gould is so short that he could
walk right between John l.. Sullivan's
legs, but when it comes to a comparison
of bank accounts John l.. Sullivan is so
short that he feels poor.
been, my son ?"
Young Blood "ro bull-hght"
Mamma; "a bull fight !"
Youn Blood "Yaas, NAV. I've been
down in Wall street
Bill Nye, the Western humorist, is tall,
lank, smooth faced, bald-headed, wears
glasses and is us mild and pleasant as a
hired girl hanging out clothes in a gale.
He chews nothing but tooth picks, and
drinks only when he is thirsty.
Now boils the sap. and far Vermont
kejolces at the ceaseless font
, In naples trunks
But OcerS tap nOlaSseS kegs,
And in dark cellars boil the egs
With last years hunks
-Nep Hapen y GUS.
bridget, did you get the flowers that
+ am to wear to night in my hair ~ Yes
mislaid the hair, mum."-TcraS Sittings
The marquis of Almonzova, once &
miner working at 80 cents day, now has
an income of S456 per hour. He has little
t regard for the proposition that eigh
= hours should constitute days work.
f Boston Transcript.
a Iu less than two months there will no
- De SlnRie TdllTOdu III tnlS country Una
{ will have its cars heated by stoves. Som,
i reforms can be brought about by the ris
J. ing mercury II not by the force OF public
d opinion Boston Post
4 1t is positively denied that Presiden
. Cleveland's difficulty in filling up the in
=, ter-State commerce commission was owlnl
q to the piggishness of Boston in pickin
z up all the high priced men for base bal
J. nine.-SprinQtetd Union.
e Oil broker Ito former customer)-"Hoy
# dye do, Mr.. Lamb. | am glad to Sc yo
q looking so well and prosperous" MI
= Lamb-"Yes, I've been on the right sid
h of the market now for some months.
O Oil broker-"What side have you bee
playing?" Mr.. Lamb-"The outside
Puck.
The nine muses. never began to enjo
the popularity that is accorded the bas
:. ball nine.-BOstOn Post
Even If traveller reaches the end of
railroad journey with a whole skin, b
1t may be burned alive in the hotel he put
ID up at The only safe way seems to be
a sit down in the middle Of 20-acre lot.
n Detroit Free Press.
A. Knights of Labor who enter their lux,
~ rious headquarters in Philadelphia con
= plain that after a hard days work 1t max.
N them tired to wade up to their knees
as velvet carpet.-Omdhd World.
ne Sheriff Grant calls his trotter "Jil
8, Blaine" That is an ominous name for
1t steed expected to get there. "-Nep Yol
t Herald.
n The production of maple sugar in We
mont tnis year promises to be much le
than the average yield Of former season
owing to the lateness Of the season al
the great quantity of snow in the wood
or This is invariably the case every sprin
But the Vermonters manage to mai
N. maple sugar somehow, if they have to t.
~ the fence posts for sap.-Sprinafe
ee Union.
Tx
in Irish Measures In the House of Lords
.rs LONDON, March 25.-In the House
Commons this evening A i Ralfnnr q