The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1887-02-09
BRIC-h-BHAC.
My dearest friend and must we part,
And bid farewell, in anguished toner


When every joy on earth hath flown;
But mcmory's voice will tenderly
Assage u grief, if ere you go
You'll just fork over now that V
We loaned you, Charlie, long ago.
A dissolving vicw-Growing blind.
There arc II great many Orange men in
Florida.
That's a flame of mincl" us the bellows
said to the fire.
Evening shoes are again becoming quite
fanciful in color and design.
1t costs over $4,000 to bury a dead Con
gresham. Irish wakes are cheaper.
No woman of fashion can have too much
Jet on the waist and skirt of her dress now.
a-days.
Reputation is what men and women think
of us; character is what God and the angels
know of lis.
Never take Il crooked path while you see
Il straight one.
PA" said a little fellow to his unShavcn
father, your chin looks like the wheel in
the musical box
Never growl at the weather. Noah did
not, and he witnessed 40 days Of the wettest
weather that man ever saw.
81 Say No" is the title of q new story.
II sounds like Il husband answering Il wifc's
request for Il sCalskin cloak.
what ails this heart of minc?" is the
mclOdious way in which some vocalists
refer to IN affection of the liver.
An exchange speaks of n man who 'lies
in Il critical condition" Most everybody
will lie when they get in n tight fix.
BY rubbing a cats back in the dark you
can see the electricity fly, and when the cat
claws your hand you can feel the shock.
Although pugilists seem to he willing to
appear in the ring they are generally ropcd
into it.
InQuircr-No. 1t was not Sir VIM. Penn,
but plain Wm. Penn; there was no handle
to that Penn.
The man who thinks he can contnuni.
cate freely by telephone, is laboring under
Il halloOsination.
some 0ic wants to know if a bee is angry
when il sting. We are not sure about the
bee, but The victim is.
1t is said there is a bitter feeling among
the MASTERS. Perhaps somebody has been
putting hops in the beer!
PythagOras believed that man assembled
from the bean. lie probably would have
regarded Bostonians rs cannibals
Ladies' hats nowadays are somewhat
too aspiring for the convenience Of the folks
who sit behind them in the theatre.
Ar. Onion has Just failed out in Ncbras.
ka: but il cannot be said that he has not a
scent TO his name.
a Burlington mother has tremendously
cured her youngest hopeful Of smoking by
the laying Oh OF bands.
When Mr.. Carpenter married Miss Barber
las; week, not Il newspaper in the land said
anything about the future race Of shavcrS.
Two brothers in New York have not
spoken to each other for 30 years. They
are deaf mutCs.
y Frcnchman has conceived the idea Of
having lady advertisers who will show his
goods on the promenade.
Pernicious cgotism is another mun'C de,
sire To tell You about himself when you
VISIT to tell him about yourself.
When an idler enters the sanc,um of n
busy editor and the editor says, CHAD TO
soc you're back what does he mean?
The singer WHO understands tie manage
mcGt Of his breath is considered Il great
arift. II ought TO be The same way with a
bltj.r.
'BU,,' said the scrcnadcd man, II must
go ont and make Il speech. Something
must be donc TO stop the playing Of ihat
band.
4 newly. married Texas man shot his
bride while she was mixing her first batch
OF biscuits. His plea in court was self.
defence.
YES, said The Tcrrc IIautc man; I'm
rather glad, on the whole, that there's II
law against gambling on Sunday. 1t gives
u one day 10 saw wood"
\ maiden lady says that if single life is
Dad 1t stands To reason that double life is
twice as bad. But ladies rarely understand
mathematics
There is nothing new under the sun.
s@ye'h the psalmist.' This seems to bear
out the theory that negro minstrelsy origi-
mated in the ark.
Why is it that a woman with a costly |
fan finds the atmosphere in the theatre SO
warm While the man next to her is think |
ing OF putting on his overcoat?
Chicago clcrgymcn sincerely hope the
ballet is on its last lcgs.-AUany Iygus.
The c~lcrgymcn have evidently given care
lUI attention TO the support of the ballet.
An Oakland, Cal, paper in referring to
ne dcath OF Il citizen recently, said that he
"!!ld gone to happier home" And now,
1t IS sad, ihc widow threatens Il libel suit.
As a protection against cold, newspaper
worn across the chest is recommended.
Gentlemen who had n newspaper warming |
can testify to its ~thoroughncss.
The wife of a Wisconsin editor brings
her baly's cradle into the office while she
SEES type Tor her husbands paper. She is
Il good type of woman for an EDITORS wife.
1t is a mean scrvant-girl who, to crafty |
a petty malice, will put goldfish on the
range to boli when she knows that her mis-.
trcss is entertaining company in the parlor.
An oyster ten inches long was found on
The Long Island coast the other day. When
oysters get up To these dimensions the
chestnut church fair stew will lose.
y professor of palmistry in New Yo.k
says 1T is impossible to tell n lie with The
hands closed -Er. Yes, and it Is rather
dangerous TO tell n man he lies who has his
hands closed"
\ young lady writes TO inquire how long
a young gentleman should be acquainted
with her before she allowed him to kisg
her. Long enough for her father and big