Savannah morning news. [volume] (Savannah) 1868-1887, 1887-01-09
BRIGHT BITS.

W HEN u Indu dDdnu MS 4 party IN OFueT 10
improve IT ne generaiiy Succeeds OIkL mi
Ir GuHp.
Young MANI love your daughter, sir, aud
would ike make her my wife.
Fathrr-What are your prospects?
Young Man think theb'll be pretty
2ood II you'll say yes.-It0 rus.
"P3AY, pardon me, madam" exclaimed a
man VINO had inadvertently sworn in The
pre5e Ce ct "a lady.
Don't mention 1T. sir" she RENTED sweet
ly, - am MARI eI."-Pj tsburJ DtsDttch.
PENSION AGENT oaking papers from clerk
thu thus man take part IN the war?
Clefk-Grs sir.
Agrnt--What part?
Clerk-All he could get. sir. He was a SUIT
Ter WdsAt"gt0n Cttt,e.
A GRAvEsToNE CARVER says that forty out
Of MY epltaphs contain more or less false
hpou' Dul ne rays down mailCt and ChlSel to
aud; However, hang man who won't l e
q Ilttle TO help a dead person out of a bad
dN."-Det 10 +. &c Press.
land now. my aear general, come and sit
ov me and trI! me all the scandal that's hap
pened wni I've been a way"
"Well. really. Mrs. Mallecho. er-you see
er-the ldct e, that while you've been away
there mas been no scdnda'."-Puch.
Nine YEARS AGO poisoned all the rats in
my block Tney died under my back parlOr
moor. rms reSrettab e episode has caused
me 10 JON the cruelty to Animals Society.
The HE of rat is a sacred ching to me so far
as POI on is cOncerned.-C@'ci0o Jourhdl.
why, Nora" exclaimed Mira. Reynolds,
aghast why did you boil the potatoes with
ont remev ing the eyes,"
sure, Miss" replied Nora. with a smile.
anu II cut out the potatoes eyes how viii
they see TO bonY'-Hdrtf,td SuAd0y JOUt1sdi
ENGLIsHMAN he play bookee,
Ffenchmau baccarat.
Mclean MIN draw poAee play,
Blkgee axe at that.
Cli,ilan man play faylo too,
Dilukee pony blany,
Chlnamau he p ay fon-tan,
Washce doOuie dandy.
-Net0 YUkU MINI JoUrndI,
BACKwooDs School Teacher TO boy)-NIy
gracious, You have been two hours on this
lesson ana don't know 1T yet. What's the
matter with you?
30, tyawnng)--Pm err sleepy.
Teacher-Why didn't you sleep last night?
Boy-had ter chop down u coon tree. Dogs
t.eed 10 bedtime, and 1t to0E us mighty nign
all night terchop down The tree.
Teacher-Why didn't your lather make you
90 to ued?
Boy-Who, pap? Wv he's the one what
made me chop down the tree
Teacher-lou douit tell me so?
BOy-1as, L do, ur yer wouldn't know
not in erOnut it.
Teacher You don't mean to say that YOUR
iather would rather that you would catch a
coon than to learn something?
BOy-That's dad all over. Tbev bnvs coon
skins in town, but [ amt Sc nobody er
huotn' airter buyn' larnin' Thar VT. Dad
lowed that he'd get CIR pint NV ticker with
that air skin, an I'll bet he do. Licker's
ECKER with pap.
Teacher-I am astouished at your mother.
Boy SO is pan. Lows tina he never dit
see er CONAN that could chaw ez much fat
terb cker el che 1en Wall, hear her dogs
er barkln'. an reckon they've freed ernother
coon. Good-day.-4 h1nS I1o T ace e..
CUsToMER-Have you any canned cornod
beei2
Fancy Grocer-Best kind, Mr.. Blank; any
thiGg ell e?
Any canned tongue, already boi ed?"
"Ges."
Canned chicken, already cooked?"
"Yes."
Lets SC ,; they don't put up broIled beef
steaks, do they?"
son. no."
''NOr roast beef?"
"No."
by the way. what are thcse-look like
fric potatOesY
That's what they are, Saratoga chips"
well. ~ lake busLei of them, hello!
what's that?"
'Gan ed corned beef hash"
"Ju't the ing; gimme a lot of it; got any
baked heans?'
Yes; Boston baked beans; three different
brands"
LETS see what else there is here; how are
these used?h
-,,'Thpse are soup essences, and need nothing
| but thinning with hot water"
"NcN. IN try those, and throw IN 4 lot Of
other things YOU think good. no matter Wnas,
only 50 they're cooked. I'm tired OF starry.
iDG"
is your mother sick. Mr.. Blank"
mo, she's well but | don't live with her
! now; Pm MARI ed,"-O"0Ao "p.'d.