Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1887-03-04
BILL NYE AND BIG HATS
He Goes to Theatre and sits Behind One az
the Hats


He Goes to Theatre and sits Behind One Of
the Hats.
New York World
The late William Shakea,es,. one.
wrote IN an autograph album these words:
All the worlds stage.
Sincerely your friend,
WM. SuAxrsPKAEr.
ierhaps he meant that there were fiiea
on it-bnt we will not undertake tn snt.-
this field Of thought. However, TO sneat
VI a more serious vein and treating the
subject in more dignified wav. / will
state that after number of years scru-
tiny 81 the world | am convinced that
the great bard used this expression in n
hgurative sense only. Could he pick up
his pen to-day, he would either erase
the above line or add to it so that il
would read:
=, All the worlds stage. and nobody but
the woman in the high hat can see what
Is going on upon il.
Yours bitterly,
BILL
IL Is not new field, perhaps, this dis
cusslon OF the tall hat but desire IN NV
poor, weak way, to add my testimony to
the testimony of those who have sat down
on SAID hat. feel of o truth-occasion-
any-that this high hat is making an old
man of me and drawing lines OF care
mere ana there over my fair young face.
Here at time of life when ought to be
IN the full flush of pride and manhood
hnd myself no longer able to build
hre IN the morning, AID my breath, which
was once as robust as that OF the upas
tree, now comes in short pants.
he tall hat with wad of timothy or
hve pound pompon at the apex Thereof, has
brought this about. How would a man
look who might sit in the bald headed row
wearing joint of stove pipe on his head
trimmed with hayG Has it not been the
custom for years to place bald headed
men on the front row, because they offer
ed no obstruction 70 the vision?
And now what do we see?
We do not see anything!
Will leave 1T to any disinterested per-
soR to say whether do not love aud ad-
mlre woman, whether aggregated or
segregated, but she does do some things
which as her friend and admin err 1 deeply
regret.
Not long ago l had the pleasure of at
tending one of Mr.. Booths performances
IN which he took the part of Hamlet with
great credit to himself, as l afterwards
learned from member of the orchestra
who saw the performance.
If L had not promised former wife of
mine that l would never touch liauor |
would have been amply justified that
evening In saturating myself with bay
rum or some other seductive beverage.
paid large price week beforehand
for seat at the Hamlet performance,
because l hsd met Booth once in the
Rocky mountains and had made a deep
impression on him. l had also told him
that if he ever happened to be in town
where l was lecturing would dismiss any
audience to come and hear him, and he
might do as he thought best about shut
ting up on the following night to some
and hear me.
Well, noticed at first when 1 went in,
that the row before me was unoccupied
and l gathered myself up in a strong,
manly embrace and Rugged myself with
JOY. The curtain bumped itself, and the
first act was about in the act of produc-
ing itself, when a meek little gentleman,
with an air of conscious guilt, came
down the aisle in advance of a woman's
excursion, consisting of four female
members of his family, 1 judged. He
looked about over the house, timidly
took off his coat and seemed to be pre-
pairing himself for the vigilance COM
mittee. Then he sat down to see wheth-
er executive clemency could do any
thing for him.
The first woman of the four was
probably over 40, and yet with her almost
beardless face she looked scarcely So, she
wore tall, hat, with sort of plume
to it, made by pulling the paint-brush
tail out of an iron gray mule and dying it
a deep crimson.
She wore other clothing, but that did
not incense me so much as this hat, which
1 had to examine all the evening.
She moved her head also, and kept
time to the music, and breathed hard in
places, and shuddered once or twice. She
also spoke to the miserable man who
brought her. Her voice was a rich baritone,
with a low xylophone action, and she
breathed like the passionate exhaust of an
overworked freight engine. When she
spoke to her escort l noticed that he
shortened up about four inches and seem
ed to wish he had never entered society.
The other three women had broad hats
with domes to them, and the one who sat
On my right also sat on her foot. This
gave her fine opportunity to look out
through the skylight of the opera house
now and then. The next one to her wore
a deceased Plymouth Rock rooster in her
hat. The fourth one sat in front of an
oldish gentleman who went out between
the acts and came in with picked olive in
his mouth each time. He could not see
anything on the stage, but he crawled up
under the brim of this woman's hat, with
his nose in the 1neshes of her hair, and
his hot, local option breath in her neck,
patiently trying to see whether the slender
legs in long, black hose belonged to Mr..
Booth, Apollinarus or the ballet.
If you will continue in your excellent
paper to sit down on the tall hats, I will
get you quite number of subscribers
here.
BILL NYE.