The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1887-09-29
WIT AND HI1MOR,

OF overWOrk: = "He wanted the eartn,
but the earth got him. ~ Puck.
II is difficult for drinking man to
hold his breath; it is generally too
strong for him.-Tecas SJtings.
A good American wine needs no
bush. ALI that is required is a popu-
lar foreign label.-LosoeH Courier.
Shakespeare was not broker; but
does any one know who else has fur
nished SO many stock quotationsP-
Scranton Truth.
The ballet gus have brought suits
against the National Opera Company.
Certainly. the ballet girls ought to
have suits.-Losoeu Courier.
1t is no credit to say of man that
he is regular as clock. To some it
might imply that he moved through
life on tick. Philadelphia Herald. -
The man who goes out in the coun-
try to get drink from the ''old oaken
bucket should carry strainer along.
There are wrigglers in the well.-De-
troit Free Press.
Old lady Gin drug store. to small
boy)-What am l to take this medi-
cine in. sonnyP Sonny-Take it in
your mouth, mum. 'Tain't to be rubbed
on. Neso York sam.
Fogg says he quite lost his breath
the other day upon hearing a young
lady in the horse car remark that ''the
limb of mutton sleeve is again coming
into fashion. Boston Transcript.
In primary school = Victor,
asked the teacher, ''what animal
shows the greatest attachment to
MANI" Victor thinks a moment and
then replies: 1.-The leech, sir. y
fudge.
..Does Grimes drinkP" inquired
Smithers: Nothing Intoxicating" re-
sponded Thompson. "How does that
Gomez" ''Why. the boys have got
tired buying it for him, guess. =
Rittsburg Dispatch.
A ScotchwOman, who has been vis-
ting in Boston and New York, says
that the Boston woman admires moth
ing she understands, while the New
York woman understands nothing she
admires.- Womun's Journal.
..SwimP Not bit, stranger, but
reckon if ye'd drap me down in ther
middle of this hyur river I'd reach
land 'thout much diffikelty." "Why,
how sop" "Waal, I carcalate I'd 60
right to the bottom. "-Harpers Bazar.
ssWhat in thunder did you put in
that glass of sodaP" he gasped.
whisky" replied the clerk. '.You
winked." II winked? My young
friend, one of my eyes is made of glass.
I'm q temperance apostle. "-NeU York
Sun.
"Ah! beg pardon, but your name
is GrayP" he said as he met q man
coming out of the postoffice. ''No,
sir-nO, sir-my name is not Gray"
"O-ah-isn't Ell? Then I beg your
pardon for begging your pardon. -
Detroit Free Press.
If you ever noticed woman .srum-
maging," you must have been aston
ished at the number and variety of ar
ticles she can put into her mouth. As
q receptacle, nothing compares with it
except the pocket of a small boy
darlington Free Press.
A bottle was picked up on the New
Jersey coast the other day which con-
tanned this sad message: ''Six miles
from shore. John insists upon kiss.
We cannot float many minutes longer.
EdTtW0A W buc WOtkO OOHu ttkslSSS
upon another. A last farewell"
..How much calomel did you sell to
that man for a quarterP asked the
druggist of his clerk. Zone drachm, "
he replied. '.Mercy, you'll compel me
to make an assignment at that rate.
Don't you know that stuff costs us 40
cents a poundp"-Detro5 Free Press.
Probably there are not ten men in
Boston who can name the satellites of
Saturn. But then probably there are
not ten residents of Saturn who can
name the suburbs of Boston. All
things come out pretty even, after all,
at the end of the century. II Sonses.vslte
Journal.
'.My DEAR" said a very sick hus-
band, ''if / die will you see that my
grave is kept greenp" .sYes, John" !"
was the sobbing reply. ssYou know
how gladly would do as much for
you, he said. Then the lady dried
her tears and the sick man got WE'LL
Neso York Sun.
An Eastern Texas paper remarks
that it does not feel called upon to an
swer every Kissing reptile that .'crawls
his slime across our pathway" This
was in answer to an esteemed contem-
porary which has called him '.slab-
sided, razor-backed, lopped-eared, sag
bellied, corned-toed wolf-whelp."
II hold" said the divinity student
In the woods at Catskill, 81 hold that
we extract more that is beneficial
from nature than from books and-p
Well" J" said his fair companion, .'you
can keep on holding, but my feet are
wet, and Iur going back to the hotel."
-NeD York 4.-ail and Express.
..Is your pa going to take you to the
picnic, Sadie?" mo; pas sick. .
"What's the matter with himp" 80,
he's sneezing all the time, and his eyes
keep watering" Then he must have
hay-feverp" "No; pa works for.wages;
he doesn't get salary; he can't afford
to have hay-fever, so he's only sick" y,
- Professor in Physics explaining q
complicated machine to the students)
Please observe that the slender rod
passes over to the second or smaller
wheel, ETC.; while this turning yigor-
ously1 is the crank that sets the whole
in motion! Laughter from the stu
dents. ]-Neso England Journal of Ed
Ncati0n.
GACiUCa Wnc-O, OOuH: 0Ouu! <RulCk.
Stop fumbling behind that bureau and
run for doctor. Half-dressed hus-
band-What's the matter with you,
anyhow ''Baby has swallowed your
collar-button." "How on earth do
you expect me to get ready to go for
doctor without that eollar-butt ona"-
PhsiGdelphia Press.
Pittsburger-Doctor 1 am convinced
that / am suffering from the most pro-
nounced form of Insomnia. M. D.
What are your symptomsP Pittsburg-
er-Sunday last / remained. awake
during the entire services, though the
sermon was one hour long aud the
thermometer in the vestibule stood at
g. Pittsbstsg Bulletin.
Miss Hood-Three in the gold. Cap
tain! I've outshot you this time. Cap
tain Angus-Yes; but what's become
of my other arrow? shot three.
Voice of tramp in bushes-When you
folks git through countin' up ] wish
you'd Jest come in an unpin my ear
from this hickory tree: 'tasn't gold but