The progressive farmer. [volume] (Winston, N.C.) 1886-1904, 1887-08-04
.9lashes of fun.

Among the impossibilities may be men,
toned an ugly baby.
Woman may be a puzzle, but man is
not willing to give her up.
The dried Goldfish is the only animal
that wears his shirt open on the back.
Senator Stafford's first none was
earned digging horse-radish. That sort of
thing is apt to make a boy smart.
Boston professor is lecturing on the
"Uselessness of Profanity" Did he ever
hit his thumb-nail with a hammer?
"If women are really angels" writes
an old bachelor; "Why don't they fly
over the fence, instead of making such a
fearful job of climbing 2"
On the ball feld-"Four strikes, striker
out" In the field Of labor" One strike,
striker locked out" In Wall street
"Ten strikes, broker out" :.
Before marriage the question a girl asks
her lover most often is: Do you really
love me?" After marriage the query be-
comes: "Is my hat on straightT
Over two hundred million cans Of veg-
etables are used by families in this coun-
try and the cans thrown away. No Won
der the goats of the country are so fat.
The phrase midsummer madness" was
originated by a man who had been
watching another man in a hammock be-
ing toyed with by several mosquitoes
&merviMe Journal.
"What was the text this morning? as
ked a stay-at-home husband of a church.
going wife. MANY are called but few
are chosen" "What jury did he have
reference to ?'-Lyfe.
Emperor William is quoted as saying
that it is the one button left unbuttoned
which is the ruin of the army. Is Will
liam also aware that it is the one button
that is not there which is the ruin of a
mans temper?
The doctor warn the public that babies
should not be kissed upon the lips. Young
men will heed the warning-until the ba-
bies of the female sex reach the age of
sixteen years and upward. The danger
does not exist at that age.
"Speaking about the artist who paint
ed fruit so naturally that the birds came
and pecked at it." said the fat reporter,
II drew a hen that was so true to life
that after the sage threw it into the
waste-basket it stald there.
Hortense Cat Saratoga)-"Whe did
you arrive? I thought you were at Cape
May" Louise-"Oh, dear, no! we only
staid two days. There is no fun in bath
ing any more" "No it's the costumes.
They are cut very loose, with long slee-
yes, and the men never give you a second
look ::
Professor Zwibeer is a very absent
minded man. He was busily engaged in
solving some scientific problem. The. ser
want hastily oponed the door of his studio,
and announced a great family event. "A
little stranger has ~arrived!' Chi"
"There is a little boy" Little boy! Well
ask him what he wants."
She-Yes, Edward, we've got every
thing, / believe, but where's the baby?
He-Why, l gave it to you.
She-I know, and | gave it back to
He-W ell, Oy ununuer! IL 1 maven
gone and left it in the parlor car!-Har-
per's Weekly.
Miss Holley, who is so we'll known as
"Josiah Aliens wife" has just written a
bright sketch entitled Samantha on a
Tower" and a contemporary announcing
the same refers to the title of the sketch
as Samantha on a Tear" which is rather
hard on this pronouncedly temperate old
lady.
WHAT THE ~NEIGHBORs SAID.
A farmers son was Silas Brown,
Whose misdeeds caused his parents pain,
And who was known about the town
As one who'd meier do well again;
SO, when the father through the door
His offspring flung with wrathful cry,
The neighbors said, AS oft before,