News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1887-03-17
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
PLEASANT THINGS TO SMILE OVER
NO CHESTNUTS HERE.
COlored AgnOstic-A Proud BOy-An Apt
Questionable in the Northwest-Took X
the Cake-Odds and Ends, &C., &c.

Il
| A COlored AgnOstic-A Proud Boy-An Apt
| Questionable in the Northwest-TOok
the Cake-Odds and Ends, &C., &c.
HE WROTE IT.
This is the way he told it at Police
| Headquarters the other day: s'VhelI, l
| vhas in mine place, you know, und
| feller comes in und says: Mister Blank,
| made a bet aboudt you shust now.
'Vhas dot so?' Yes; l make a bet dot
you can write your name! 'Of course l
can write my name! Does somepody
take me for fool! 'Vhell, you put
him down on dis piece of paper und
make fife dollar. Vhell, | write my
name on his paper und he goe o + und
doan see him any more. Yesterday
[ get some notice from bank dot a
note for feeftv dollar vhas dun. 1 come
down town und finds note NIT my
name on der back. 1t vhas der paper
on which l wrote my name" "Well2
"Vhell, dot vhas all, except dot wash
fool, und if you catch him I gif one
hoonered dollar to keep my name 'oudt
of der papers. .'-DetrOat Free Press.
THE WIND TOLD.
DR.. Wilson, the famous Boston o.
ganist, once went to a distant ci Y to
give an organ concert in Unitarian
church. The organ blower was a stout
old darky, who certainly felt all the i'm
portance of his own share in the pro-
| ceedings. He commended to me before
concert that he feared he should not be
able to give the great player wind
enough, and I couraged him as well
as 1 could. When the concert was over
he approached me and said, SIS dat DR..
Wilcox, sure enuf 2" eyes" I said.
"Humph! 1t doan seem to me that he's
such great player like dey makes out.
"Why not2' ''Well, Sir tell the trute,
he doan use no more win dan de gem
man what plays heah ebery Sunday
Harper's Weekly.
PROUD DARKEY.
Jim Webster, an Austin colored Afri-
can, returned few days ago, after an
absence of week in the country. After
he got back he was asking Uncle Nose
how his negro acquaintances were COM
ing on, and among others, what Tom
Bolts, who was celebrated for his lack
of sociability, was doing.
''Didn yer meet funeral as yer was
comm into town?"
eyes, l did, Uncle Nose
''Dem was Tom Bolts obsequies, dey
was"
"Well, I mout hab guessed hit. Da
amt de fust time he has passed me on
de street widout lettin' on dat he know
ed me.-SJtjrags.
AT THE POKER CLUB.
It is Mr.. BlumenthaPs deal, and Mr..
Cohen polishes his glasses hurriedly with
a view to making a careful survey of the
shuttle
Mr. Blumenthals frie d, Mr.. Dickei-
stein, considers it an appropriate occa-
sion for remark:
"Mister Cohen, I heart you vas a Good
chudch of diamonts Viii you gindily
look at dis chenuine blue-Yite, senen-
karat -"
"Exguse me" replies Mr. Cohen, with
giffe no addention to diamonts on Cha
key Blumenthal's deal. 1 vas looking
for clubs. ~. W. San.
SEEN FIT.
Despite the imaginative nature of the
child it has decided tendency to see
things in literal sense. This is notice
able in the acquiring of language. For
instanca, little Herbert was pleading to
go out of doors to play. "When l see
fit, you shall CO." said his mother, de-
cidedly. This settling the matter, the
little fellow went off to his blocks. In
about half an hour he returned, and said,
whom e. replied the lady, utterly in the
dark as to his meaning. "Why, seen
Fit. .n-MoWrys Common School tduca-
ti0n.
WOULD WAIT.
The following anecdote is told of a
celebrated surgeon. One day, during an
examination of class of students, he |
asked one of them what he would do in
the case of man being blown up by
gunpowder.
= Il would wait till he came down."
was the cool reply.
''Irue, rejoined the surgeon "And
suppose should kick you for your i'm
pertinent reply, what muscles should
put in motion2"
"I he fiexors and extensors of my right
arm," said the student. Boston Beacon.
THE LATE BOY.
A teacher in endeavouring to over
throw the Indian belief that the earth is
fiat, stands still, and that the sun passes
over and under it every "a hours, said,
in concluding: $50, you see, it is the
earth that goes round while the sun
stands still.' A tall boy asked, Then
what for you tell us one story about man
in the Bible-I forget his name -
strong warrior-fght all day, but get |
dark SO can't fight, and he say, Sun,
stand stillr What for he say that if sun |
all time stand Hampton (Vd.) |
School Record.
CoLORED AGNOSTIC. |
Aunt Susan I wants yer ter talk to
dis chile. Parson Baxter.
Parson Whangdoodle Baxter.-What's |
de matter wild de chile2
Aunt Susan.-rse afeared he am gwin- |
ter be an acrostic. He says he don't |
bleeve hit tuck Jonah free days ter
swaller de whale.
Parson Baxter-I Sc afeared I amt !
equal ter dis emergency, Aunt Susan.
Dis heah am case for Sam Jones, my
feller laberer in de Lawd's vineyard. =
Te1as SJ5tings.
STRANGE AS IT MAY APPEAR.
'These are excellent cigars, this new
lot" said Robinson. 81 never smoked
better"
81 have match for them," replied
Tompkins.
'Have you9 I didn't know you had
imported any lately"
az have match for them, all the
same.'
And taking a match from his pocket |
he applied light and was soon smok-
ing one of Robinson's excellent cigars.
ItdS-BitS.
THE TEN NIGHTS.
The subject of temperance was under
discussion at party few nights ago, |
when an ardent advocate of prohibition |
asked Gus de Smith if he had ever seen |
s'Ten Nights in Bar room" Gus de |
Smith replied that he had.
GLOW did you ike it?'
sFirst-rate. l was one of them"
"What do you meanP'
Of oh in hor- |