Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1887-08-05
TIE ARTIFICIAL MOTHER.



sundry small specimens of humanity, TO whose
rcmorseless tyranny she yields an obedience
az implicit and accomplishing as that of the
most abject slave"
Numbers and of our little family had
arrived together, and sturdy little fellows
that they were, had recognized the situation
at glance; had deposed No. from her posi-
ton of supremacy, and had set up despot-
ism over their mother and the household
perhaps the most unmerciful that had rs yet
been experienced.
1t will be apparent, from this preliminary
word that | am a married man, sufficiently
SO, the superficial reader may imagine. But
it is precisely my complaint that while my
opportunities for the development of my
parental qualities are unsurpassed, my mar
ried life, so far as the society of my wife is
concerned, don't amount lowell to the value
of Confederate dollar.
If. going fair shares" with my progeny,
had been permitted to putin claim for, say an
even tenth of her attention, should have
nothing to say. But those ogres Of children
pail her to pieces in small mouthfulls through
the twenty-four hours between their nine vo-
racious selves, without giving me chance
for even thirty second nibble
In giving them their classification in the
L
them under the head of Polly -pophagi,n or
another devourers.n
l was just beginning TO console myself
with the thought that before No. became
old enough to sit up evenings No. would
learn to go to sleep before midnight, when
Nos, Sand 8 arrived, as l said, "all in heap,
and deranged my calculations. mo" | said,
for perhaps the 999th time, as the maternal
slave, after eliminating Nos ! and 2 in q
flood of disgrace and tears chat gave them
the appearance of q compound waterspouU,
tucking up g. 4 and 5, who were accidentally
good and turning over to me the cradles
containing and Z, with injunctions to "lleep
them stirring" rushed to obey the vocferous
calls of the despotS in chief, the two latest
arrivals, "t won't do
"Polly," l asked, as she returned q little
out of breath, with q red faced tyrant on
each arm, "what do those (wretches, | was
going to say, but forum ately checked myself
in time young gentlemen want"
"Why, little motherly affection, to be
sure" she answered, commencing to Groom
TO them in the language peculiar to mothers
and babyhood. They want me-"
"Bosh!' | reioined. "They want merely
something soft TO touch, a swinging motion
TO addle their brains Gf they have any and a
,iiootoiiouS ui'i III Ile.i eais' anu they "oulu
pe J"Sv Us wen sa'iNlle', IL tneSe were suppheu
og q o'odiii oi,e''.e Us ny 'iielr niolher' IL Is
an HoiierliSe " .aiN Vi UuoieS having allec-
HoIl' gu inisnV as wen ueileVe III tnelr
''iii'ii VI OF any othef
product of later life"
'oilS' however was 100 much absorbed IN
we Grooming process 10 listen 10 my lhsinu-
uViolis' ana 'ne peg'hililg OF grow III one OF
.no q "u,cS III my IeeV recalled me TO my own
u"'S, b"O "nie L "ofheu pohGeleu. Inc
"oi" u''eie" III Jcst remained Ill my lhiid'
"A ete"i,. engine Yes. " ny hot! Or an
une.ilo oi some hi,iu 10 perform at least tins
lou'inc I"p OF keeping the young savageS
az leSU ny heetlh? 'heih Ill motion. some
'""s o'V".S' ana sou, ana swinging, ana
-V0''ihs' ASha"! science mas solved worse
V'oD.eihs 'hah inns III Is sim".y the CON
sttucuoh Oh an "aitlhciai motaer' -Ae
thing Is possible, ana Ii snail he done! ! gave
inc cradle KICK OF mallclous satisfaction
that evoked from NO. roar OF protest.
On my way TO business next morning,
called at the studlo OF an artist friend 10 Nee
new picture, and my eye rested on lay
hgure standing gracefully draped, in one
corner. 1t flashed across me that this was
JUST what wanted, and l persuaded my
friend 10 spare IL TO me Tor a time Tor some
work myself mad III hand.
uld not want 10 startle FOLLY or to arouse
the suspicious OF the twins prematurely, so
carried the ilSure up into a disused garnet
ana devoted all the spare hours OF the en-
SUNG week 10 experimenting upon her. Sht
was, fortunately Tor my purpose, OF the
hnest Tarls make, steel sprlhged, and double
extra Jointed, ana there was question
merely Oh applying the inward power C'trut
mwardness ana Inc outward appurte
nances.
VIII not weary my readers with all thf
details OF my IaDors' became so absorbed
III my TASK that could hardly give thought
TO anything else. MY business suffered, anC
my wife complained that my face was get
tlhg vacant stare upon IT, ana she though
was spending TOO many hours at tina
horrid club. 1t Is sufficient to say
lhat after various Intellectual experl
ments with steam compressed air an1
electricity, at length succeeded il