West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1887-12-22
IIUMOR.

WHEN man is up stump he feols
bad. When n squirrel is up a stump
he feels all right.
a NEW labor movement-Getting up
IN the morning to light the fire when
your wife tells you.
HEALTH may he wealth. but "flushr
doesn't always Indicate the possession
of either.-1crdS Sittings.
WHEN Boyton dimes while floating on
the waves nc never complains of his
billow fare.-Teras SiftiH0s.
mike, did you ever catch frcgs?"
"Yes, sorr." What did you bait
with?" bate EN- with shtick, sorr."
YoUNG writer-W What do you think
of the poetry / turn out, sir? Old
writor-Thiuk you serve it just right,
sir
WHAT are yo1 do ng now, Thomas ?"
asked the minister, patronizingly. II
am writer for tho press" said the
lad, proudly. Indeed, you are Quito
young for that. What do you write ?"
Il direct wrappers"
VISITOR (noticing an act We autumn
mdustry)-"I should think that Chica-
go would be an excellent place for
comic papers" Citizen-"Why SOP"
Visitor-"It is such a good chestnut
market. "-Arkansato TraUeler.
WHAT has he done? That was Ma
poleon's test. What have you done?
Turn up the faces of your picture
cards! You need not make mouths at
the public because it has not accepted
you at your own fancy value. --LoIccH
Bo5roN hostess tentcrtaing a guest
from Chicago)-What condiments will
you have, Mr.. Wabash? Mr.. Wabash
Thanks, nothing more, Mrs. Waldo;
l am abundantly supplied with every
thing, with the exception, perhaps. of
little pepper and salt.
The hexibility OF the English lam
guage is shown in the reply Of an Irish
man to man who sought refuge in his
shanty in a heavy shower, and finding
1T about rs wet inside as out, said, avon
have quite pond on the floor" "Yis;
shure we have great lake in the roof"
Edttor'S DrdlOeT, iR HaTpeI'S Maya
zine.
FIRST NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. around TO
my house tonight. Second Under
taker-I would but have an engage
ment. "Business?" "No, | promised
a lady friend of mine to call this even
ing and try to cheer up her husband. "
Sick" NO, he's funny man on
newspaper. - omaha World.
IL SEE it stated" remarked the hors,
editor, that the use of tobacco tends
to destroy the memory" II think il
does, replied the snake editor, and he
looked very hard at his colleague as ho
said 1t. 81 have noticed that the man
who uses the most forgets to purchase
1t when he 10 on the street. Pills.
Gurgh ChrOniel.
You must practice economy, young
man, said the old gentleman: "you are
altogether too extravagant. 81 do
practice economy" was tho response.
Il only ate bowl of bread and milk
to-day for my lunch" "That looks
BETTER" commenced the father, some
what modified. "What did it cost Won.
ten cents?" "Well, ] had to give the
waiter half n dollar, father. "-Ha7-
per'S Bdzdr.
"GENTLEMEv," Numbered the Judge
to the contending lawyers, "this case
must be settled before the court adj
Journs. There has been dilly-dallying
enough. Well, whet is it?" he said,
turning to n court attendant who had
ventured to bespeak the judicial atten-
ton, Il am very busy" a couple of
political friends of yours" whispered
the attendant, "are outside waiting for
you to Join 'em." "Cpon further con-
sideration," said his Honor, al declare
this court adjourned until tomorrow at
ii o'clock. - EDO-h.