The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1887-02-26
Mark Twain on Schools.

AhoA Ia w oAh OA OOhoVAos
Mark Twain at the N Y. Stationers' Banquet.
AS to Beaman's attacking Ben
Franklin, that can be explained. G.
O. Beaman, one of Senator Evarts'
law partners, had spoken few min
utes before. Franklin was sober be-
cause he lived in Philadelphia. Why,
Philadelphia is sober city to-day.
What must it have been in Frank
Inns time. Great laughter. Why
it is as good as Sunday to be in
Philadelphia now. More laughter
Franklin was frugal, and, as he says
himself with becoming modesty, he
had no vices, because, though he little
suspected it, he made vice of fru-
gaIty. You saw, as Mr.. Beaman
told you how he did, but when he
mentions why he did he gives him
self away laughter, and, finally, he
wishes that at the last he may be
showed into a barrel of Madeira but
if he had lived here instead of in
Philadelphia he would have wanted
to get the barrel of Madeira into
him. Roars of laughter
1 am here in the character of au-
thor and publisher, hut l think l
will let that rest. Renewed laugh
ter. Oh, I can tell you a great deal
about publishing, but don't think
l will. l am rather too fresh yet,
Laughter 1 am at the honest stage
now. but after a while, when grad
uate and grow rich, / will tell you
all about it. Long-continued laugh.
ter.
In my combined character as au-
thor and publisher receive great
many manuscripts from people who
say they want candid opinion
whether that is good literature or
not. That is all a lie; what they
want is compliment. Laughter.
But as to this matter of education,
the first that strikes you is how much
teaching has really been done and
how much is worthless examining.
You have all seen a little book called
"Engllsh as She is Spoke" Now, in
my capacity as publisher recently
received manuscript from teacher
embodied number of answers given
by her pupils to questions propound-
ed. These answers show that the
children had nothing but the sound
to 60 by; the sense was perfectly
empty. Here are some of their an
swers to words they were asked to
define: MISUNDERSTANDING to an
orifice laughter ammonia - the
food of the gods renewed laughter;
equestrian-one who asks questions
roars of laughter parasite-a kind
of umbrella shouts of laughter;
iDecac-a man who likes good din
ner renewed laughter. And here
is the definition of an ancient word
honored by great party. Republic.
cana sinner mentioned in the Bible.
[Shouts of laughter and applause.
And here is an innocent deliyerance
of geological kind: "There are a
good many donkeys in the theologi-
cal gardens" Great laughter. Here
is also definition which really isn't
very bad in its way Demagogue-a
vessel containing beer and other
liquids. Prolonged laughter. Here,
too. is sample of a boys compost
ton on girls, which. L must say 1
rather like:
Girls are very stuckup and digni-
ed in their maner and behaveyour.
They think more of dress than any
thing and like to play with dowls
and rags. They cry if they see cow
in fair distance and are afraid of
guns. They stay at home all the
time and 60 to church every Sunday.
They are always sick. They are
always funny and making fun of the
boys hands and they say how dirty.
They can't play marbles. l pity
them, poor things. They make fun
of boys and then turn round and
love them. don't believe they ever
killed cat or anything. They look
out every mite and say. ooh, ant the
moon loveIy!" Their is one thing 1
have not told and that is they always
now their lessons better than boys.
Point in Farm Practlca.