The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1887-06-11
THE FESTIVE DRUMMER.


A Glass OF Honest and Enthusiastic Nui-
sances Who Never Die.
All Investigations by psychologists
into the various races and their history
break on an inexplicable influence that
seems to connect widely different places,
periods and peoples. They find old jars
in use in India that the mound-builders
had here, and they come across iron
teaspoons in the primeval forest beds of
coal. They are astonished to find the
gridiron of the north of Ireland fiour-.
ing in the social life of China three or
four thousand years ago. The Bedouin
Arab has the army blanket of the Es-
quimaux, and in the ruins of Pompeii
they come across peanut shells like
what the sweeper sweeps out of the
gallery of the theater to-day. Well,
why is this? Archeologists can not
tell. lean. The mysterious ubiquitous
influence that leaves no track save the
article is simply the drummer. 1t was
the drummer who did it all. He left
those curious Grecian scrolls in Egypt;
he carved those heiroglyphics on
the rocks of ancient Britain; he is
the man who introduced French candy
into Herculaneum and stuck the
mound-builders with iron teaspoons.
Do you ever know what becomes of
drummer? Not that you care, but have
you ever seen dead drummer? |
don't believe drummers die l believe
they simply talk themselves into gas.
"Gas'thou art, W gas returnest, was
written of the drummer. / have met
one or two men who have been drum
mers but they do not talk much about
it. When a drummer gets tired of talk
ing he just disappears. do not see
how this country survives the existence
of drummers. You 90 into a small
country place; you step into the hotel;
you find in the Office sixteen coats hang
ing upon the wall and sixteen valises
in a row on the floor, and sixteen men
sitting with their thirty-two feet upon
the stove, telling sixteen lies about
their business and their adventures, all
at one time. You can't get what YOU
want in that town. The drummers
have made the storekeepers buy what
they have to sell, and you've got to
take it or go without 1t seems almost
impossible to believe that drummer
should ever be able to disguise his
identity. He is, as a rule, aggressive
and runs things.
Ii you see man come into the Office
of an hotel and step up timidly to the
counter and ask the clerk if there are
any letters for him, please, you may
know that he's a humble private citizen
and plain guest. If you see a fellow
bang open the door, stride in and leave
it open behind him. go and hang his
coat on peg, and jam his valise on the
floor, walk behind the counter. take out
all the letters and read the addresses
from every box, open the drawer and
look in, then you'll know its drummer
good for one nights lodging and sew
eral drinks. He generally lets every
body know that he's sold lot of stuff,
and he talks very loud about the fun
he's had sometimes. But they told me
of one drummer who called himself a
Count, and wore a long fur-lined ulster
and an imposing foreign-looking mus
tache. He came in the summer season
and staid a long time. He was the rage;
the girls fell in love with him; the
mammas admired him; he was on the
eve of getting engaged to Il naughty
San Francisco belle, when lady walked
into drug store one day and found him
with lot of samples of soap, trying to
stick the proprietor with his stock.
That let him out and he disappeared.
But the profession disowned him, for,
as a rule, the drummer is a straightfor-
ward, open, honest and enthusiastic
nuisance. San Francisco Chronicle.