Wheeling Sunday register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1882-1934, 1887-03-27
VANILLA N
Gives some Good Advice to the Farmer
Husband.
For ne Sundqg Rsoiasr

$500 ~ SSl
a harp and look for a pair of wings.
Neithe is she a dray horse and you mus
not expect her TO climb out of bed at foul
in the morning, build a fire and get break,
fast for ten men, then 90 out and milk six.
teen cows and slOp a herd of hogs, feed the
chickens, then come in and churn until
dinner; then after that go put and hoe and
plant corn until supper, then after that
darn socks and patch pants until 10 O'Clock.
If You do this John you just might as well
pound her head off with a stuffed club and
be done with 1t, for you are killing heI
anyway. IT she loves You, and you give
her enough taffy, and every six months or
so buy her a pair of ten cent stockings, she
will work her head off for you, for she will
think you love her. But you are just kill,
ing her, and in a few years you will no,
tlce the bloom fading from her cheeks and
she will get stopped over with a hump on
her back, and her soft hands that would
give You such thrill to squeeze will grow
hard and ~callOus, and corns will disfgure
the shapely feet that You would steal
glances at a they peeped from beneath her
skirts; and she will look careworn and
arwy and you will think her liver is out OF
order or something of that sort. Her smile
will not seem so cheerful, and her laugh
VIII be cracked and it will not be merry
ard ringing as it was when you we're a
blushing red-faced fellow going to see
her" You must not wonder John, you
ara mat Efllina. har ,,I ,,A,, IL. A.. -,
scribe on the ten dollar monument, there
lies the devoted slave and mental of Mr..
John"
You must remember that she has other
cares beside cooking washing and drudg,
ing. A year will slip away and you will
lind some day q little blinkey eyed, chubby
curly headed heirOf yours by her side. A
new source of employment for her; and as
time rolls along another curly headed ray
Of sunshine makes his advent, yet Polly
goes on with her work with a rising gene
ration Juggling at her skirts and apron
strings. Between butter and eggs, cows
and pigs and a thousand household duties,
she struggles and wastes her life's energies
to bring these heirs up that they may be a
credit and honor to you. Think of all
these John.
Remember she is your wife and com
paniOn and partner-dOn't forget this, and
don't promise all kinds of foolish things
outside the practical, she will not expect
them anyway, and don't fool around and
buy patent lambrequins and six horse
chandeliers and bric-a-brac, just let that
90 and she will Xix things Us she goes along.
Then after the honeymoon wears off don't
try and make herthink she married a brute
~ most men do. II the days work went
badly and the pillow handles iabbed you
in the ribs don't come home and vent your
spite on her and make her feel miserable.
Try to feel happy and come in whistling
and walk right up and kiss her and in ten
minutes you will forget all about the black
and blue spots on your ribs.
If she is fond of fried onions and you
prefer stewed onions don't fly of and tell
her that nothing but Il boy could eat fried
oniOuS and banish them from the table.
Remember that you are n person, she
another, and that no tastes are exactly
similar. You have no right to make her
ideas and taste conform to yours. This
makes many divorces among loving peo-
pie, John. You should sacrifice rs many Oi
your notions rs she does hers, and in time
your ideas and notions will merge into
zach other and You will wonder at the sim
llarity.
Don't always talk market and crops to
her John, and allow her to walk on with a
dead love in her heart, but revive the old
daysJOhn, wander together along memories
pathway and regather the blossoms Of youth.
When she looks carewOrn and tired and
overworked, don't invest i'll porous plasters
and cheap patent medicine, what she needs
is rest and affection. Remember she is
your companion and not your slave. Let
her have a pay day and often. A horse is
the only working animal know that never
has a pay day. Don't let your wife he a
horse, John, let her know her services are
appreciated. Don't he a miser, hut try and
break her heart, and often at that, by lay
ing some crisp bills in her lap and kiss her
plump on her mouth and tell her in your
ocular, humorous way that you give her
this to buy chewing gull and peanuts. She
will idolize YOU JOhn-and will she buy
peanuts? Not much, but instead Just look
and see if you notice little curly headed
Toms toes sticking from his shoes, and see
if YOU don't wear a new crayat instead oil
the old threadbare n you put on when
going to town.
And John in case adversely strikes You
and n full blown mortgage breaks loose on
your place, YOU will run your ringers
through your hair and look blue and wish
for a thousand or so. | will bet you John
that a pair of true arms will steal around
your neck, and You will feel a kiss ON your
lips and the one voice IN the world tel
YOU not to grieve-and then she will
bring an old sock with enough money saved
m to knock that mortgage into oblivion.
In case a deeper misfortune should meet
you and all be swept away. you VIII see
her with bare toiling arms and dauntleSS
and devoted heart breaking the waves OIL
misfortune tryingtO shift your trouble and
grief 10 her W shoulders. Then II you
have not done the square thing John, you
will feel ashamed of yourself
Love her always John, then no mlstor'
tune or crime can destroy her regard. The
depner Won sink, the more closely will thu
tendrils of her love eucircle you. oNeflOoS
her little faults and she will overlook yours,
and when years slip by instead OF bring,
ing q stopped back, n wrinkles anu SUI
hands that make one ugly and old, she
will grow in beauty, the silver halr VIII
add a halo, and each wrinkle be a turrow
of lave You will learn that n loving wife
makes old age more beautiful than the
beauty of youth, you will point to heT
with pride. not because she has been
slave and worked like a horse, but because
-, 70, borpa half your burden, and made
Won ten times happier than your fellow
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. she has been the
wafmingray that lighted your life with
sunshine. And John when she goes down
into the quiet calm of the grave with fold,
Ell hands you will shed tears that arr
deep and meaning, the Goa aoONe VIII
turn each into a pearl that will adorn yonr
crown after death. Now John 90 aud make
a fool of yourself. VANILLA JONES
Would Pay for IL.
Artdnsulc Trareicr..
zLy chang.