The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1887-02-03
THE MERRY SIDE I

When the young man ''malxes mash," it is
because he is sofS.
The most affectionate thing to be found, just
now, is a bad cold.
A self-reliant man shows that he has good
opinion of his support.
Halstead as temperance advocate looks odd.
He has his horns painted.
If the new style ladies' hats are not refined,
they are at least "elevating"
The daily press will soon enjoy boom. The
baseball season is near at hand.
Since wax is so plentiful and cheap, too many
young girls think with their Jaws.
#.+
The trouble with John Sullivan was that he
hadn't read up on the Cardiff Giant.
If old man Bull don't watch where he's fish
ing he'll get bite that will jerk him in.
"Barbed wire goss up!' says a market report.
Somebody trying to climb over it. perhaps.
When Guiteau Halstead7talks about cranks,
he knows exactly what he is talking about.
When they say "tickets for menagerie,"
over in Indiana, they mean election tickets.
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The next great National issue will probably
be "What Shall We Do With The Ohio Canals?"
The Chicago Tribune mourns the lack Of
Darwin. Don't the Tribune man know who
he is.
Miss Van Zant has carried her point. She is
on her way to Paris while Spies is on his way
to the devil.
"What will be the issue in Ohio this year ?"
Why, the investigation of old mans Payne's
seat, of course.
Western paper declares that "Jesse James
is still alive" Well bet that if he is he is suf
fering terribly.
An old miser i'll Cleveland is accused of mur-
dering his aged wife. 1t cost too much to keep
the old woman.
They say Ben. Butler has habit of chewing
slppery-elm Some of his sayings read like he
chewed birthstone.
ECONOMY is wealth." but not the kindthat
packs letter fourteen miles to save postage.
That's stinginess.
Sam. Small has returned 10 journalism. That
means that the show has gone into winter
quarters, perhaps.
Cleveland, Ohio, delights in muscle. She goes
wild prize-fghters. She sets them to work
in the Work-house.
When Hayes name came up for confirmation
in the Ohio Senate, there were three Greeks
found to vote against it,
g..
Fostoria has "more gas than it wants." And
some of its citizens doubtless have more gas
than anybody else wants.
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The Democrats will have an excellent chance
in the possible war with England. They will
perhaps march on Canada.
The GalIipolis fire department has organized
a Drum Corps perhaps TO relieve the monotony
of the usual quiet at a fire.
Cincinnati waddles up to Francis Murphy,
peers at him through the bottom of beer-glass
and wheezes out her amusement.
''St. Louis politicians on the rack !" says dis
patch That's nothing! A body of Ohio Sena-
tors were on dead run, last Spring.
They convicted politician OF bribery" in
Pennsylvania, last week. Might as well convict
a preacher for taking up collection.
English prize-ring authorities furnish the
joyful information that Sullivans broken arm
will not impair his future "usefulness."
mans wife and his mother about the
best friends he ever finds. Yet these two are
generally shown the least consideration.
village in Clermont county had itsi..name
changed from cleveland" to "Hamlet." The
next change will probably be to "Shylock."
Prentiss Hill, Sewing Machine Agent, has
put out several new attachments. They were
| issued by the Courts, and they want Prentiss.
The British will meet formidable Navy, if.
they come over here on a .warlike mission
Wen rake them with broadsides of splinters
The reason that more people do not "bear tes-
timony for Jesus" in public, is perhaps be-
cause it is too easy to i'm peach the witnesses.
Halseads attempt to prove that Grant was a
drunkard is moved by local pride. He wants
people to believe Grant was Cincinnati man.
| "a"
| It sometimes looks as though things in this
country would reach such pass that "dead
loc>s' would have to be picked with bayonets.
The "local option" feature of the Dow Law,
makes a doggery-keeper an "agent." That's
what he is anyhow-and the Devil is his em-
ployer.
A little scabby paper in Cincinnati says Har-
vey Wells "was elected to the Constitutional
Convention from Jackson county" We've
nothing to add.
''They call crank and want TO crank my
way right on to Heaven ~ said Jackson man
| in class meeting. That argument won't amply
| to organ-grinders.
| It has come to be a serious question in this
conntIy whether the people elect a Legislature
or start a menagere. Indiana is haying the
| monkey-work this year.
+.s
A Cincinnati prize-fghter was beaten until
| he fell unconscious-when the miserable Doc
Tors ran in and rubbed him into life again.
They ought to have prescribed for bim.
A great many of our public schools drop
writing reading, and gram mar, before course
of study is half finished. The advantages are
seen in the literary productions of the gradu-
ates.
The N. Y. Tribune says "a deep peace fills the
| soul of the man w no laid in his winters supply
of coal last autumn" Yes, and often a big
piece fills the hole the street side of the coal
! house.
A Southern paper suggests that with Robert
Lincoln on the Presidential ticket" the colored
| people would wade through blood TO vote for
him." Not-and furnish the blood, too.
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| George Dallas, of Danville, Va, beat his
| nephew to death with strap, and now they
are going to hang George with rope. They