The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1887-07-23
SHAVING A DEAD MAN.
A BARBER WHO WILL NEVER re.
PEAT THE OPERATION.

A widow Who Wasn't satisn.d-Aa
English" Dudes H.monstrancc "A
CoIored Earb-r Badly scared by =
Corpse-A Ten Dollar job.
That's all right II lis only hair cut; just
sit up u little straishter II you wanted a
shave I'll have told You ~ take Bills chair
over there couldn't shave you--you look
! 80 whiten
} Like what fclowr
! Like "a stir shaved about two weeks
ago The minute you'd shut your eyes Ill
| get 50 nervous might make you rs dead rs
he is The resemblance would be so strong |
couldn't stand it,
"Iuats funny"
Funny! Well, il you'd ever shaved
corpse You wouldn't think it was very funny.
Ny heart jumped into my throat when you
stepped into that door. It's over two weeks
since I've shaved that dead man, and he's
been right with me ever since Every time
close my eyes can see he's glazing right ut
me, Ills face is rs plain before mo as yours
Night and day | see it, My skin crecps every
time | touch a razor Every time | touch
anythiu, cold sludder can feel his cold,
clamuy skin vet. will never forget the
horrible sensation of the moment | touched
his face with the razor, felt was commit
ting sacrilrgc | felt guity-but Of what |
could not answer If live to be 100 years
old I'll never forget that experimental I'll
never shave IA dead man again"
SHAVED DOZENS OF DEAD MEN.
sob, p,hGw! Charlie, you're foolish said
another barber, 1--WE shaved dozens of dead
men and never saw u ghost. I'd rather shave
sin than crank any day, for these rea-
SONS: You get paid more, they don't bleed if
you cut EN- and they never grumble at your
work. I've been paid as high rs SO and
never less than s.. That i, the regular price
and won't take less. I've seen lots of funny
things in this end Of our business. Less than
two weeks ago ! went 10 house not | 900
miles from Washington park. had finished
the job and was packing my traps when tie
dead mans wifc--I mean widow--came in.
She walked over to the corpse, examined the
face closely, and was turning away with
sort Of satisfied look, when suddenly she gave
shrek, and crlod like n professional.
"'N hats the matter, madameF | asked.
"'NHy, you-you mean thing. You've
p-p-p-partcd his h-hair on the wrong s-side-
boo! hoor
another time went to an aristocratic resi-
dcnce on Michigan avenue; | won't tell you
the number because it wasn't very long ago
The dead mans brother was in the room with
me-cne of these alleged English dudes, you
know, who talk through their nose and lisp
like woman. The first stroke / made on
tho neck of the corpse caused his brother take
n conniption.
Now. now, now; stop that, say, stop
that he lisped. 'Aw-aw donchuno that's
not right You mustn't shave the necl; up;
you must shave it down. If you shave it up
the hair will grow up and curl the wrong
way, don't you know, and he can never part
it nice again like it is now
81 looked at the man and saw he was in
earnest, and tried to keep my face straight
but it was pretty hard work. The idea of
shaving a corpse SO he could part his whis-
kerS nice afterwardl
"a funny thing happened once when was
working III Pittsburg, Pa. One night rich
iron man died on Oakland avenue, and n col ,
ored barber went to fix him up. When he
had shaved one side of the face it was neceS-
sary TO turn tho corpse over suppose there
was some air in the lungs, but anyway, when
he turned him over the corpse gave an awful
groan. The coon dropped the razor and let
out yell that brought the whole household
TO the spot Oh the run. Before anybody got
there the darky was out of the house and
down the avenue as if the old boy was after
hiu, and at every jump he let dut screech.
When one of the men went into the room lie
saw the razor and nearly half OF the left ear
Of the corpse lying on the floor The razor
had just happened to strike it when the dalky
dropped it and ran. A doctor was sent for
who sewed the ear ON, and then he sent for
me- finished shaving the man and left the
house with II crisp 800 bill in my pocket. -
Inter Ocean