The Dickinson press., 1887-04-02
A BROKEN BR1b3i}

3ky.
ward predicament a man can Eas sasls
to he unexpectedly called upors ia 2 ,
clety without his trousers. A 3
trying position, but there ate II
than even that. I eS it sdvis.d@y, Y Y Ell I'll,
a1ter my recent experience, it were ia tAeone a,',
to q question of dispensing with eith( tny
ne1nef garments or my spectacles, TIL ~.
really think-d should embrace the mer
alternative
As the rcofer will, nrohoi,,, how, .tred,
lam extren,elv- SSf;a,a,i,. Aa -: ~ tied.
Without nv snocto oG,as o,,s, .,';.,, sent
oog. should make very tolerable i,., .,..
man. think l should know whether ehe
parties who dropped coppers into myi,t myii',t
We're short or tail, male. OF female. pu' .l,
there Iay knowledge would end. lth
my glasses (the very strongest conc,N' YES
known to optical SCIENCE l can rub al
very fairly; but without them am :,
helpless, imbecile. My spectacles are the -
thing take off ut night and the first puh
an The morning. Meanwhile, they rest rel :
to my hand on my little table de nuitl
company with my watch and water hot,lpl,
1t was late ip last November. l had ll't
spending the evening with some mus f.
friends. The party was small, but successik'
my friends We're good enough to say nl
considerable degree) to its success. My u
derderlng of the white Squall' and "r
bo"liiig" had been much admired, and l. L
every reason to suppose that l had madl
favorable impression i'll quarter i'll wbitl
III winch, i'll point of fact, was ratl
ANXIOUS to make favorable impression.
VIII therefore be readily imagined that ]
ayed my leave taking till the latest posi-
nno.leht. had before me short ride 3
tralh the last train, u walk of a few mil
utes and then an omnibus ulc last or::.;,,.
situate in Wisterio y, l"ater. Water may b
first stage of my jo,ifhE.y" snd agreeable to til
plished, but when got out of tho railwa.
station f'ound that the weather had ma;
terially changed for the worse. 1t had beglls
to do something which was not exactly raih1
ing and not exactly showing, but IL sort of I'M
happy medium between the two a vague
sort of fog, too, was gathering i'll the air.
However, turned up the collar of my coat
and turned down the brim of my soft felt
hat, and stepped out manfully for the omni-
bus, for there was no time to bc lost. When
reached the spot where it should pass, it
had not yet come iI sight, and | sheltered
myself within the doorway of a shop toawait
its arrival. When safely ensconced, and be-
ginning to look about me, | found that the
sleet had settled on my spcctarles, increasing
my normal difficulty of vision. took them
off and began to wipe them with my
pocket handkerchief, whcn-oh, honor!-
the bridge suddenly snapped i'll the middle
asi was left at midnight over two miles
from home and as blind as Il beetle. Tho
omnibus would take me the greater part oi
the way. i:u. I had still nearly half mile tc
walk ;"Y"nJ, and how / was to do it heaven
on; H.. ", for didn't However, it is pro
vcr.# usr!rs' to cry over spilled milk and
it i, e.. ..,;A Intellectual Qor ] tried iO to
swear "v.'.- bi-o;s"m spcrtacleS. \ moment
later t cni!ii,u, came up and after All i'll
cfee't. at.'l:i.i 10 cot into it through the
horses. ,roa; r;l;l in, ti.r driver To expires;
n lla.s.l AL wholly uninumlcl judgment a
to my *",:ietys, i:ni y succeeded by dnt Z,
hoh!in, up one of tnn severed glns is to my
right eye, III c!anibcrius into the vehicle, allG
finally, after blindlv plunging on to variol:
passengers laps and being violently pushed
off u.;an, in settling down into q .seat
"Room for one on either side" the conductor
had shouted There lnay have been, but
couldn't see it. At last asccrtuined, more
with my elbows than my eyes, that there wa.
n vacant space on my right and droppct
exhausted into it. There was Il scruncl
somewhere between me and the cushion, fol
lowed by q scream from n female voice:
"if he hasn't bin and sat on my best Sunday
cap!'
My good lady, gently interposed, beam
in, mildly round in the direction of the voice
Good lady! Your good lady, indeed! ii
was your good lady I'D take the concet ou
of you, you nasty, spiteful iackanapcs!"
at was quite accidental, assure you,"
mildly urged.
"Don't tell ME, with your 'accidentals
Accidentally done a puf,ose, that's what ii
was. 1 see him look straight at the box, and
then he cLaps his ugly, great carcass squash
down upon it."
Hero the conductor interposed: "Look here
missus, just keep civil tongue in your head
It's your own fault, for putting o. the box Oh
the seat stead of under it. 'rain't likely the
gentleman would u set upon it purpose"
II certainly did not" l said, mentally re-
solving to give the conductor sixpenco when
got out Il am very sorry l have injured
the lady's property, aud if she will tell me
the value I an quite willing to mako it
good"
"Drfn't say so.' said the conductor "The
gentleman can't say no fairel- tlan that, can
he, miss,ls. Any gent may take Il drop once
in while, and when he's had drop he
materially sits down 'eavy like But if he
pays up fair and honorable, What moro can
gentleman dos'
The mans intention was friendly, nc
doubt but the form of his defense, to enc
who like myself is only five or six removes
from teetotaler, was extremely humiliating,
and my views as to the sixpence underwent
considerable modification.
CONDUCTOR" 1 said, you are wrong
quite wrong. I assure you I have
only taken'- But here l paused. A
delicate mind naturally hcsitates to explain
. these little personal details, however innocent,
to an omnibus load OF total strangers AS q
matter of fact had only taken three glasses
of champagne, ono of dry sherry and a nero
nothing of cold whisky and water. The man
mislook the cause of my hesitation.
"All right, sir" he said, and l felt
couldn't see him, but l felt that he winkcd.
Ats the very dose takes myself"
1t was useless to argue the point, and ]
turned to my neiglbor who had cooled down
considerably when she found that there was a
prospect of compensation for her damaged
property.
what do you value your cap at, madam
inquired.
"Wcil, sir, since you're SO pressin'," she re-
Piled, ''the cap was four and eleven in the
Upper street only two weeks since. The.,
there was rose I put in special, thirteen
pence halfpenny, and extry bow of rbbing
at fifteen pence yard, and cheap at the
price. Call it seven and six, and we'll throw
the box in"
It struck me that the good lady was dis
posed to make market of her misfortune,
but was not in q position to contest the
matter. Accordingly l opened my purse,
and, holding 1t close to my eyes, managed
to count out the required amount,
and handed it to her. AS ill-luck
would have it, at that moment the
omnibus, which had pulled up to set down q
passenger, went on again, and the sudden
movement jerked the open purse out of my
band and scattered its contents on the floor
of the vehicle. I made an effort to pick them
up again, but with small success, and In a
manner which, I felt, tended still further to
confirm the conductors mistaken impression
as to my sobriety. The other passengers
beneyolently aided me to recover my scat
tered property, but with only limited success
= n H., 4