The Irish standard., 1887-06-18

tEV oOm
LITTLE drops Of margins,
Little deals in wheat,
Turn the man OF money
Into dead beat.
Merchant Traveller.
The height OF economy is attained by the
man who carefully scrapes the oleomar.
garine from his bread after spreading it,
and turns the slice smear side down in
order to give his tongue the benefit Of the
unctuous surface.
OTIME, that wrinkles up the brow,
And bears our dearest friends away
An artist we could spare art thou,
Whose brush turns golden hair to gray;
Grim foe Of mofahsts and joAers
And friend of none-exoept the brokerA
A CHAMPION egg eater has appeared in
the forefront Of conspicaity with a
his particular line of business. His record
raw eggs in one hour. This young man
sets at naught the commonly-accepted as.
sertion that ''eggs is eggs"
rise to the suppositien that the lack OF
cuspidors IN our theaters accounts for the
frequent excursions Of the male portion Of
our fellow-man prompts US to coincide in
this belief and to hope that ere long the
edict will go forth from the proprietors Of
theaters: Let there be cuspidorsi
GEORGIA boasts Of three stingy men.
One of them will not drink as much water
as he wants unless it be from another
mans we'll; the second requires his fam
lily to write stsmaal hand" to save ink;
and the third stops his clock at night in
order to save the wear and tear of the
machinery. To these we might add the
man who bought his boots several sizes
too large for him in order to get all the
leather possible for his money.
A WILD Western sheet that is booming
the industries of It's particular locality
states with honest pride that it's jack
rabbit cannery has added two stamps, an
amalgamator and a bone e-scraper to it's al
ready ample stock of machinery, and will
be fully equal to the handling of the in
coming blackbird crop. It also announces
the reopening of the 'tcrick foundry" /"
which is expected to do heavy trade in
imitation blackberries (black cricket tails)
with the East during the coming season.
CALLER (surprlsedly)- Smallman,
good evening; smoking I see; thought
your wife objected to tobacco in the
housea" Mr.. S. Gubilantly)-''So she did
But she has recently learned that tobacco
smoke is sure death to the insect enemies
ofplants, and has given me unstinted lib.
erty to smoke; fact IS, she said could
smoke till was black in the face. Now. If
Idon't paralyze those insects just put it
up that I'm too inert to thoroughly appre-
ciate the situation. Have cigar old man,
and join in the good work." Caller
(heartily) $50 will pard; here's succeas
to Mrs. s. and death to the insects"
II is evident that ticdolerheum, or love,s
young dream, was toying with the young
Western reporters intellect who gave
vent to the following: 1--WE have learned
to bow and dance to the music, With
nimble and elastic step. It's wonderful
how magical one feels as the music floods
the heart with sunshine, breaking up all
gatherings Of mist that environ the soul,
and imbibing in our nature high aspira-
tions that spring into strength and beauty.
IT'S now the midnight hour that broods
DER all the sleeping land and reigns tri.
umphant over the world; tits the Hstless,
still and pulseless part Of the night, when
man most feels his nothingness, and
solemn1y gains possession Of the seul."
CLOSE observers of humanity say there
is much of character denoted in a persons
walk. For example: Observe lawyer
as he walks and you will see that he gains
a point at every step; follow man of real
estate short distance and you will notice
he has an air of proprietorship and broad
gait; doctors are said to go at a dyspeptic
gait; this, however, may be imaginative,
at any rate certain nervousness seems to
manifest itself IN their movements. Then
there is the man of letters; his is the soft,
conciliatory tread, especially as he adj
vances upon the outer door of the editorial
sanctum; if he prove to be the proprietor
of said sanctun, his gait will be just the
same, as he is constantly on the qui vive
for stuffed clubs and things. Lastly we
mention the tailor or shoemaker; who has
ever noticed the gait of these and not had
recur to him the old maxim ga stitch in
time saves nine"